[Marni Sullivan]

Marni’s Budget

WHAT I LEARNED: Budget does not have to be an obstacle to creating a well-developed story.

MAIN VARIABLES
• Number of Locations – a single building
• Expensive locations – warehouse or record facility anywhere (including Canada)
• Number of characters – 5
• Special effects – none
• Number of pages – under 100
• Crowd scenes – none
• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – chases only on foot, no trained fighting required
• Special sets – none

SECONDARY VARIABLES
• Rights to music, brands, books, etc. – none
• Explosions and Firearm – none (or we see a firearm, but it never fires)
• Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set – NO KIDS
• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society – NO ANIMALS
• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados. – indoor only, so protected
• Water and underwater scenes – none
• Night scenes – it is shot at night, but indoors so there is overhead lighting available
• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots – none
• Green screen work – none
• Extensive Make-up – unnecessary (just scrapes, bruises and some bleeding)
• Archival Footage – none
• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance – minimal people, might need some liability insurance depending on the location available

MAIN VARIABLES
• Number of Locations – Majority of story happens at facility, but we could use external scenes to ramp-up the tension at the facility
• Expensive locations – If a real records retention facility was available for the movie
• Number of characters – 10-12
• Special effects – Could add some fire effects
• Number of pages – 115-120
• Crowd scenes – Could have spectators at the end when the authorities finally arrive
• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – Shooting, falls from heights, show Wallace in fight
• Special sets – ???

SECONDARY VARIABLES
• Rights to music, brands, books, etc. – Takes place on Xmas Eve, so some festive music
• Explosions and Firearm – could add firestarting or electrical overload that results in explosion
• Kids – Not needed for this story
• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society – Not needed for this story.
• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados. – Have chase scenes outside in bad weather
• Water and underwater scenes – Doesn’t fit with the story
• Night scenes – More external scenes at night would raise the budget
• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots – Could do special drone shots of chase scenes or to show what is happening at opposites side of the building simultaneously
• Green screen work – Could use a green screen to create height situations to protect actors
• Extensive Make-up – Wallace’s death could be played up greatly
• Archival Footage – Lysha could find old footage that ties in the Board member to the crime
• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance – Working more with heights, adding some high-speed movement to the scene when the break-in happens, amplifying the opener where the person with the information is on the run from the Trio, have some speaking roles for “employees” at the facility when Lysha gets there – perhaps an unfriendly exchange between her and the Director of the faciilty

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni Writes Great Hope/Fear!

WHAT I LEARNED: You can use the hopes and fears of the characters to create self-fulfilling prophecy of what happens in the story.

Act 1:
• HOPE: Lysha will get to avoid her overly-critical relatives on Christmas Eve
• FEAR: The rash of break-ins at the other locations will result in shutting down the system and her chance to work over the holiday.
• HOPE: Lysha will get to spend some quality time with Wallace, her supervisor / crush
• FEAR: He will see what a mess she really is by sitting with her the whole night.
• HOPE: The night will go off smoothly with little incident.
• FEAR: There will be a cyber-breach as there was one at three of their other locations.
• HOPE: The sign-in anomaly she noticed on her system was a careless coworkers in a hurry to leave for the holiday.
• FEAR: The people behind the other breaches has finally worked over to their location.
• HOPE: This will be like the other breaches where nothing is disturbed and no one knows why they bothered.
• FEAR: This is the beginning of a bigger attack.

Act 2:
• HOPE: Wallace’s request to walk the perimeter with him maybe an excuse to be closer to her.
• FEAR: She is deluding herself that he has any interest in her.
• HOPE: They won’t find anything to make the anomaly she noticed earlier a problem
• FEAR: The slightly ajar door with a dead motion sensor means someone broke-in physically.
• HOPE: Wallace is right not to take the situation too seriously.
• FEAR: Wallace is being lazy and not taking a potential threat seriously.
• HOPE: Wallace will be able to help her deal with whatever intruder in inside the place.
• FEAR: Wallace may be an accomplice to the break-in.
• HOPE: She is wrong about Wallace.
• FEAR: She is right (which he proves when he tries to subdue her).

Act 3:
• HOPE: Wallace admits that he is part of the crime, but he is trying his best to keep her safe.
• FEAR: Her tendencies not to let things go might get her killed.
• HOPE: By activating the lockdown mechanism, they will panic and try to get out.
• FEAR: She is trapping herself inside with what Wallace describes as “truly dangerous men.”
• HOPE: If she can get to the transfer order in time, she can foil their plans by keeping the box they are looking for our of their reach until help arrives.
• FEAR: Aside from some self-defense training, she is not capable of taking on trained criminals.
• HOPE: She can get in and out of the front office without being noticed or confronted.
• FEAR: Someone is already there and she is going to end up in a physical altercation.
• HOPE: After taking down the first guy, she can get back to the I.T. office and barricade herself in.
• FEAR: They are already after her (proven when she finds Wallace dead in the office).
 
Act 4:
• HOPE: The men will have trouble locating the box because it was recoded and locked into the vault.
• FEAR: They have Wallace’s hand which is the biometric key for getting into the vault.
• HOPE: She can get to the vault in time to dismantle entry.
• FEAR: She doesn’t know where they are or if they are looking for her.
• HOPE: When she finds herself fighting for her life in against the 2nd man, she wins.
• FEAR: The remaining person is the leader of the trio and an assassin.
• HOPE: She will find the leader in the vault and activate the climate-control security to lock him in.
• FEAR: He abandons looking for the box and decides to kill her instead.
• HOPE: She make use of her knowledge of the facility to lose him or trap him somewhere.
• FEAR: He gets the drop on her and she finds herself trapped on an elevated manlift with him.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni’s 4-Act Structure

WHAT I LEARNED:
It is better to split up the standard 3-Act structure into 4 Acts to make sure you have a proper turning point that keeps escalating the stakes until the climax in the final Act.

• CONCEPT: Lysha finds herself in a terrifying position when three ruthless criminals break into her records retention facility for unknown purposes.
• MAIN CONFLICT: Lysha must subdue the criminals on her own after she learns the only other person in the place with her is working for them.

Act 1:
• OPENING: Lysha checks in for the Tomb Shift with Wallace after
• INCITING INCIDENT: Lysha checks in for the Tomb Shift with Wallace after learning three of their other facilities had cybersecurity breaches.
• TURNING POINT: After finding a few anomalies in the login registry, Lysha and Wallace walk the outside perimeter and find a door that is partially open and the senor not reporting that it is opened to their security software.

Act 2:
• NEW PLAN: They split up. Wallace searches the stacks while Lysha checks the server room and finds evidence someone tampered with a unit.
• PLAN IN ACTION: Lysha starts to go through everything in the cybersecurity logs and stops reporting to Wallace about her actions because he keeps dismissing her concerns.
• MIDPOINT: She discovers Wallace is helping a heist take place and she has to put the building into lockdown, trapping her inside with three ruthless criminals.

Act 3:
• RETHINK EVERYTHING: Lysha needs to learn why they are so fixated on a particular box and how to stop them from getting to it.
• NEW PLAN: Get the work order that shows the information and make sure they can’t access the vault. That requires her going out into the main area and possibly running into them.
• TURNING POINT: Huge failure / Major shift: Not only do they get to the work order and she gets into a fight with one of the men, but she returns to find Wallace dead and his hand cut off. They now have access to the vault through Wallace’s biometrics.

Act 4:
• FINAL PLAN: Put the high-security vault into lockdown by creating a problem that will trigger its sensors.
• CLIMAX: She fights through the second member of the trio who holds her up enough to allow the leader of the gang to get to the vault. Lysha manages to enact the protocols before he can find the right box and he must abandon the vault or be locked in. He moves to kill her after he realizes he has been trapped in the building until authorities arrive.
• RESOLUTION: Lysha manages to kill the leader and finds his phone which reveals the person financing the heist. It turns out to be a Board member who she has been investigating since the day she was employed at the company.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni’s Delivering Multiple Layers

WHAT I LEARNED:
The layers are easy to figure out once you have done the Assignment 4 work on the characters.

LYSHA
• Surface Layer: Lysha and Wallace take the Christmas Eve “Tomb Shift” for security.
• Beneath That: Lysha is using the night to do some personal research and hopefully get to know Wallace better without prying eyes.
• How Revealed: Lysha admits to Wallace she volunteered for the Tomb Shift instead of getting picked by their annoying boss. But she claims it’s to avoid her family.

WALLACE
• Surface Layer: Wallace claims to be happy he drew the Tomb Shift with Lysha.
• Beneath That: Wallace volunteered for the Tomb Shift to assist in a heist.
• How Revealed: Lysha figures it out when she sees the access breaches could only have happened if someone left certain points open for exploit. It gets confirmed when he tries to confine her to the I.T. office.

THE TRIO:
• Surface Layer: The Trio are breaking into Lysha’s work to retrieve a flash drive hidden somewhere among the archival boxes of the warehouse.
• Beneath That: The Trio have inside information on how to get inside the facilities and not all of it is coming from Wallace.
• How Revealed: Lysha squares off with the leader of The Trio before he can get into the high-security vault, kills him and then discovers his communications with a Board member.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni’s Character Journeys

WHAT I LEARNED:
Every character needs their own act structure to ensure they are a necessary part of the story.

LYSHA
Beginning: Lysha gets the Tomb Shift for Christmas Eve.
Turning Point: Lysha notices anomalies in the security system.
Midpoint: Wallace and Lysha realize someone has broken into the facility.
Turning Point 2: Lysha discovers Wallace is in on the heist and has to subdue him.
Dilemma: Lysha takes out one of the Trio and returns to her office to find Wallace dead.
3rd Act Climax: Lysha must square off with a professional killer with no special training.
Ending: Lysha traces the payment for the theft back to a Board member of her company, accomplishing a secret agenda she had to help her heal from her childhood trauma.

WALLACE
Beginning: Wallace joins Lysha on the Tomb Shift with his normal merry nature.
Turning Point: Wallace does his rounds and sets things up for the break-in.
Midpoint: Wallace realizes Lysha knows someone has got into their system.
Turning Point 2: Lysha insists on going with Wallace to check out the grounds, finds open door.
Dilemma: Wallace has to figure out how to distract Lysha from the break-in and keep her safe.
3rd Act Climax: Lysha realizes he is in on it and she gets the drop on him before he can subdue her.
Ending: The Trio kills Wallace for failing on his part and steal his hand for biometric access.

TRIO
Beginning: The Trio chase after a man who has a flash drive in hand. He hides behind a loading dock and drops the flash drive inside a box heading to a records management facility.
Turning Point: The Trio search other locations in the area for the drive and find the box they want is at Lysha’s location.
Midpoint: They use Wallace to gain direct access into the facility, but Lysha becomes suspicious.
Turning Point 2: Wallace fails to keep Lysha out of it, so they kill him and cut off his hand.
Dilemma: They need to get into the high-security vault before Lysha locks them down.
3rd Act Climax: Lysha takes out two of the Trio and disrupts the leader’s vault access, leading to a show down between him and her.
Ending: The trio leader tries to kill Lysha by pushing her off a manlift, but she manages to get him off the platform and he gets crushed when she closes the supports on him.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni’s Character Depth

WHAT I LEARNED: You can keep your audience riveted if you plan the right twists that keep them guessing to the last minute.

Lysha
• Motivation: Wants to dodge her family for the night; needs to be seen for her worth
• Secret: MC has been fighting a battle against progressive OCD her whole life
• Wound: A gang of bullies critically injured her in childhood because she was “weird”
• Subtext: Agreed to do the Tomb Shift to be alone with her supervisor
• Layers: Has a crush on her supervisor

Wallace
• Motivation: Need to be at the building on Christmas Eve to control situation
• Secret: Wallace is deep in debt and his wife is threatening to take away their child
• Wound: Wallace grew up poor and got hooked on gambling when he won big once
• Subtext: Likes MC, but more importantly, thinks he can “manager” her
• Layers: He knows the facility is going to be robbed that night

The Trio
• Motivation: Paid to find a thumb drive with top secret information stashed in one of the records boxes that were shipped to the facility
• Secret: A Boardmember of the company hired them to get the information and knows the layout of the regional facilities to help them locate it.
• Wound: All three grew up in an Eastern Europe warzone where being ruthless meant survival
• Subtext: There is tension among the trio – the leader embraces killing, the other two don’t
• Layers: One of the trio members sees this as his last score and he wants out. The second feels strange loyalty to their lead man, though he does not like his approach.

Character to character
• Conflict: Wallace needs MC not to realize what is happening; MC wants to know every detail at all times.
• Hidden Agenda: MC wants to do recon with minimal interference; Wallace wants to control MC
• Conspiracy: Wallace is accepting money from the Trio to allow the break-in to happen
• Intrigue: One of the Boardmembers of the company set up the theft

Character Situation
• Dilemma: The leader of the trio committing the break-in is a psychopath who likes to kill
• Secret Identity: MC is an anti-hacking expert who took the job at company to find information on the Boardmember because he was the leader of group who assaulted her.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Marni Sullivan.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni's Right Characters:

WHAT I LEARNED:
It’s not just a matter of making the characters and their motivations interesting. You also have to make them interact in such a way that they will cause the other characters to react strongly and make decisions that will raise the tension levels.

1. A cybersecurity technician with severe OCD that just cannot let details go.
2. An oversight manager who spends more time trying to be liked than paying attention to his job.
3. A Belarusian for-hire agent with a penchant for dismemberment.
4. A pompous, self-serving boss who underestimates and underpays his employees.

Each of these characters fit a piece of a larger puzzle for something that takes place at their work. Their characteristics clash and exacerbate one another in just the right way to cause maximum conflict.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  Marni Sullivan.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni's Great Hook

1) How did it work for you?
The process worked great. I was rather confused about whether or not I was supposed to share the brainstorming process since it was stated we were supposed to keep our high concept to ourselves until later, so I didn't post any of the work. Nonetheless, I came up with a great setting, a fascinating device that is the focal point of the story, unique traits on my main character, and some scary adversaries for her to contend with.

2) What did you learn?
The idea of doing "more with less" is easier if you pick a location that in itself can offer many obstacles and interesting scenes without having to do multiple location changes.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  Marni Sullivan.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni Sullivan’s Contained Version of TOMB RAIDER

WHAT I LEARNED: With a little ingenuity, you can craft most stories into something smaller and more reasonable. While the studio system may prefer something flashy,

TITLE: TOMB RAIDER

AS THEY DID IT:

A. Locations: Not only were there multiple locations for each sequence, There were multiple countries involved in the shoot. They shot in England, Cambodia and Iceland. While this made for an interesting movie, the story could have been much more fixed than the budget they used.

B. People : 32

C. Stunts: Too many to list – it was an action movie

D. Extras: Probably about 70. There were henchmen trying to get the artifacts who were working on behest of the antagonist. There were villagers and temple priests in Cambodia and a few people in the Iceland scene. Most of the characters in England were part of the cast.

E. Wardrobe: A lot of designer names with various outfit changes to fit each setting and high-tech gear that changed for each locale.

CONTAINED VERSION:

A. Locations: 2 – where the main character when called to the mission; and one setting where the mission takes place.

B. People : 6

C. Stunts: More restricted to the main characters. In this case, the lead did her own stunts, so there wasn’t a need for a stunt double there. There would only be two other people engaging in action, so if they had stunt doubles, you would be looking at two maximum.

D. Extras: None

E. Wardrobe: Four outfits maximum for the main character. The other cast members would have the same outfit for the majority of the shoot, though there would probably be multiple copies of the outfits in case of damage.

[Marni Sullivan]

My name is Marni Sullivan. I have written about 20 scripts as I’ve been at this for several years, but only market four of them as the others could still use work. I managed to option a contained thriller earlier this year and I’m looking to repeat that success. (Hopefully, I’ll go a step further and get to production.) Something unusual about me is I got to interview psychopaths in a maximum security prison when I worked as a neuroscientist.

[Marni Sullivan]

Marni Sullivan
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Marni Sullivan]

1. Marni Sullivan

2. I agree to the terms of this release form:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Marni Sullivan]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Marni. I’ve written about 20 scripts, both feature and television. I’m hoping to bring some of my stronger projects to the next level and get them sold. I’m an ex-neuroscientist that got pulled into the screenwriting world when I was approached to consult on neuro-related scripts.