[Marti Wheat]

Week 3 Day 5: Character Ending – RUDY

How does the character accomplish the following:

· Fitting ending based upon who they have been.

Rudy is finally allowed to make a play in an actual game.

· They experience the end in their own unique way.

Rudy is happy to just be allowed out on the field during an actual play. When he is told to stay in the game for the next play, he does what he’s lived his entire life knowing he could do: he made the perfect tackle.

· This brings their journey to a conclusion

He has fulfilled his life’s ambition.

1. What makes these characters engaging?

Rudy refuses to take no for an answer, and despite the drastic difference in his size, he takes on the biggest and baddest of his detractors and proves them all wrong.

2. How are they expressing their profile?

Rudy has a dream. He’s had that same dream his whole life. He doesn’t quit, he doesn’t get pushed down without getting back up and trying again and again and again, until people finally take him seriously and he gets the opportunity he’s waited a lifetime for.

3. Where do you see character depth in this scene?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be told you’re not good enough, and never will be, and to just keep on coming and taking whatever metric ton of crap everyone keeps doling out, trying to rob you of your goals? That’s Rudy. He proved that he was tougher and more determined than anyone else.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 3 Day 4: Character Climax – THE MATRIX

Where do you see the following for Cypher:

· The ultimate expression of their conflict.

When he admits being in love with Trinity.

· A true test of their character.

When he has the chance to NOT kill his colleagues, but does it anyway, saying, “Don’t hate me, Trinity. I’m just the messenger…”

· The “yes or no” moment in their journey

The moment of truth when he is about to kill Neo and asks Trinity to tell him the truth about whether Neo is really the “one” or not. When she says, yes, it’s clear he’s going to kill him anyway. He even says, “It will take a miracle,” and he’s shocked when the miracle does occur, and he’s killed instead.

1. What makes these characters engaging?

Cypher is an incredibly engaging character. He’s utterly ruthless but does everything with a bit of wit and humor. He’s very much like Joe Pesci’s character in Good Fellows.

2. How are they expressing their profile?

Cypher is the wild card in the group. You don’t realize he’s a bit cracker barrels until he flips out in this scene and reveals his true character, killing his “friends,” following his own agenda, and challenging everyone else’s point of view.

3. Where do you see character depth in this scene?

When Cypher tells Trinity that he’s “…tired of the whole thing: the war, the ship, eating the same goop every day…,” he reveals his pain and reluctance to continue on his future journey.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 3 Day 3: Turning Points – THE MATRIX

How does this Turning Point cause the following:

· Part of the character’s journey.

Neo is looking for the truth and takes the red pill believing it will help him find it.

· Changes the character’s life forever

The reality Neo finds is terrifying.

· Requires them to up their game NOW.

Neo discovers the truth about what’s happening to mankind, including himself, and realizes that if he doesn’t want to be enslaved by the robots forever, he must find a way to escape and save himself and the rest of mankind.

1. What makes these characters engaging?

Neo is a reluctant hero. He never asked to be put in this position, but now that he’s there and seems to be the only one who can make effective change, he steps up his game to fight back. Morpheus has been using Neo all along and intentionally shows him reality knowing he will grow into the position of hero and save the day.

2. How are they expressing their profile?

Neo really doesn’t have a choice but to fulfill his character’s profile. He knows, and once he knows, he can never go back to not knowing. In the amazing words of Doggett in Orange is the New Black, “Toasts can never be bread again…” Morpheus must express his profile in order to put Neo on his path.

3. Where do you see character depth in this scene?

Neo could easily have turned on his heels and run away from the whole situation, but instead, he swallowed his horror to finding out the truth and rose above his fear.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 3 Day 2: Character Intro – THE GODFATHER

How the Don Corleone character does the following:

Puts him in a challenging situation:

On the day of his daughter’s wedding, Don Corleone meets with people who have come to ask him for favors because he cannot refuse them on this day. Mr. Bonasera has come to ask him to exact revenge for the assault on his daughter, but he comes showing no respect and no worthiness for the Don to help him.

Give him interesting dialogue:

Don Corleone is troubled by the Bonasera’s arrogance and total lack of respect and refuses to help him, reminding him that his wife is Bonasera’s daughter’s godmother and even with that, Bonasera has the audacity to come to him, not on his knees in reverence, but rather as if the Don was his last resort for help and it pained him to have to come to him. Don Corleone expresses his “hurt feelings” that Bonasera is so disrespectful, asking him to commit murder when he has never shown the Don the least amount of respect or friendship. Finally, realizing the dangerous situation he’s put himself in, Bonasera supplicates himself to the Don, making excuses for his behavior and begging for his help.

Has him take action that fits their character:

Don Corleone knows he can’t refuse Bonasera’s request, but he can make him earn it and he does, ultimately agreeing to take care of the two men who assaulted Bonasera’s daughter but making it clear that he will not accept payment, which would make them “even.” Rather, he puts Bonasera on the hook to return the favor at some future date, guaranteeing that Bonasera is now firmly in his pocket and will never be disrespectful to him again.

Give us an insight into who he really is.

There is never a question that Don Corleone is a ruthless thug who doesn’t hesitate to do whatever is necessary to protect his interests, but throughout the scene he is playing with a young cat, showering it with affection in a gentle, loving manner that betrays his sinister demeanor. It reveals an underlying vulnerability that foreshadows the treachery and loss he will experience on his journey.

What makes these characters engaging?

Don Corleone speaks softly and emotionally about his feelings and everything he does for his friends and family, while his anger at Bonasera simmers hotly just below the surface. The signs of danger are flashing all through the scene, but it takes Bonasera longer than it should to come around and realize what he must do if he wants the Don’s help. His supplication is not sincere, and the Don knows it.

How are they expressing their profile?

Bonasera is a pompous, self-important man who has made a mistake in thinking he can use the Don’s daughter’s wedding day to get the Don to do him a favor when his other attempts at justice have failed. When he realizes his mistake, he says the words the Don wants to hear, but he continues to believe himself superior to the Don. In accepting Bonasera’s feigned loyalty, the Don lives up to everyone’s expectations of him as a thug, despite his soft-spoken demeanor.

Where do you see character depth in this scene?

Don Corleone knows exactly who Bonasera is and over the course of this scene, continues to expose him for the coward and ineffective person he is. Like peeling an onion, he quietly reveals each layer of Bonasera’s disloyalty and vulnerability and binds him to the “Family.” Bonasera walks out thinking he’s played the Don, when in reality, the Don now owns him.

[Marti Wheat]

Clarice’s Journey

Clarice Starling is young, inexperienced, and desperate to be taken seriously by, Jack Crawford, her superior at the FBI. Her lack of experience and naivete make her a very attractive prospect to try to get information from Hannibal Lechter. She has no hidden agenda and presents no threat to him. In fact, she is the perfect foil to his manipulative, Machiavellian mind games. She sees it as an opportunity to prove her mettle by getting him to tell her who Buffalo Bill is and solve the case. He sees her as a young, innocent mouse, a rube who couldn’t possibly match wits with him, but someone who will be fun to play with and destroy to teach Jack Crawford a lesson in arrogance for sending her to him.

Hannibal’s Journey

Hannibal Lechter is a mental master craftsman. He lives and breathes to mess with people, to reach deep down inside a person’s psyche and expose and ignite their greatest fears. His sole purpose in life is to best his opponent, whoever that may be at the moment, in the most horrific way possible. He wants out of prison, but his desire for freedom isn’t as strong as his need for revenge on the inferior creatures who are keeping him captive. When he meets Clarice, he sees her as the conduit for him to do both. From that moment on, their journeys are inexorably intertwined and dependent on each other.

What I learned from this is that characters’ journeys are like canoes going downriver in white water, each bouncing off the other in an effort to navigate their journey, but pivotal to each one’s successful trip over the falls.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Marti Wheat.

[Marti Wheat]

I’m taking the Character Mastery Class while starting this Professional Rewrite Class, so I’m learning on multiple levels simultaneously. What I’ve learned mostly, thus far, is that no matter how good I think my characters are and the story I’m telling flows, there is always room for improvement. I’ve become obsessed with the characters whose job it is to propel the main characters along their inevitable trajectory within the story. I’d never paid much attention to how important those characters are to a story.

Subject: Marti Wheat’s Logline and One Page

The title of my script is:

Not Forgotten

Logline: After suffering catastrophic injuries in
Afghanistan, a suicidal Army Captain finds the one therapy that helps him
cope causes blackouts, forcing him to confront the truth about the death of his
brother years before.

One Page:

NOT FORGOTTEN is the story of Frank Parris, a former college football star and career Army captain, who suffers catastrophic injuries at the hands of a suicide bomber in Afghanistan. A double amputee, with a traumatic brain injury that eliminates any chance for his continued career in the military, Frank believes his life is over. Not even a loving wife and a five-year-old son, who worships him even more than his beloved Transformers, can bring Frank out of his depression.

When he refuses his prosthetics and stops physical therapy, Frank’s family and doctors become extremely concerned. As a last resort, his doctor introduces him to adaptive scuba diving, an extreme sport that is highly effective in helping wounded warriors accept their “new reality.” At first he’s skeptical. Then 5-year-old Tyler shows him a drawing he’s done with Frank on one side in a wheelchair and on the other as Optimus Prime, a superhero with titanium limbs, and asks, “Daddy, why won’t you be a Transformer?” Frank realizes that his career isn’t all he’s going to lose and he agrees to try.

Frank embraces his scuba training with the zeal of a true athlete until he finds that every time he goes into the water, he suffers a blackout. After his doctors eliminate all the potential physical causes, Frank is forced to confront the memory of his involvement in the waterproofing accident that took the life of his younger brother and several members of his unit years before, or give up any hope of coming to terms with his new life.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 2 Day 5: Attraction – A STAR IS BORN

Where do you see attraction show up for Ally?

I think her attraction began before this scene or her lyrics wouldn’t be so on point about him. She becomes completely smitten when he recognizes himself in her lyrics and says, “I think you might be a songwriter, but I won’t tell anyone.”

Where do you see attraction show up for Jack?

Jack is touched that Ally sees him so accurately and is swept away by her talent.

What is causing that attraction?

They have a mutual passion for music and see the love and value music has in each other.

What drama is this scene built around?

Ally has made several attempts to make it as a singer/songwriter. She now has the opportunity to reveal the true level of her talent to Jack.

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

Jack struggles with his demons using drugs and
alcohol to blunt his fear of losing his success in the music industry. Ally recognizes
his pain and writes lyrics about him trying to “fill that void.”

[Marti Wheat]

Week 2 Day 4: Triangle – OCEAN’S 11

What makes this love triangle interesting?

I think what makes this love triangle interesting is the subtext of all three characters. They are all operating on their own agendas, which on the surface seems obvious: Danny is freshly out of prison and wants his wife back, Tess is still harboring hurt feelings and anger toward Danny, and Terry walks into a situation that may very well challenge the control he covets. As soon as Danny and Terry meet, however, the triangle shifts a bit and it becomes a power struggle between the two men, not only for Tess’s affection, but for “winning” at the other’s expense.

Where do you see secrets, intrigue, and emotional needs?

Danny claims to want his wife back, but is he really just trying to steer her away from the man he is about to rob so she’s not caught in the middle? Tess claims that Terry doesn’t make her cry, but with her strong personality, will his need for control over her ultimately challenge her feelings for him? Terry needs to dominate and control everything in his world. When Danny says, “Shall I put the towels back,” Terry doesn’t even look at him. He continues to look at Tess, takes her hand, establishing ownership, and says, “You can keep the towels…!” He throws down the gauntlet to let Danny know that he cannot keep Tess.

Where do you see conflict between each point of the triangle?

Danny and Tess are doing the ex-husband/ex-wife dance of who did who wrong, Danny and Terry become fast enemies over their mutual affection for Tess and Terry has a moment of doubt and concern when he sees that Tess still has feelings for Danny.

What drama is this scene built around?

Danny is planning a heist – a big one – at his ex-wife’s boyfriend’s casino.

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

This scene exposes the wounds of each point of the triangle: Tess feels abandoned, Terry is jealous, and Danny feels that Tess has betrayed him. These wounds propel the characters into their future where their wounds are either healed or they are destroyed.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 2 Day 3: Power Struggle – REMEMBER THE TITANS

How is this power struggle created?

This power struggle was created long before Denzel walked into the picture. Whites stacking the deck against a black coach, and it appears the whole town is in on it. A white school merges with a black school and their football teams are merged, as well. This does not sit well with any of the white people especially the captain of the white team. Even a little white girl looks at the black coach with utter disdain.

What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle?

This is the moment where the color, and power, lines are drawn in the sand. Will the black coach back down when confronted by the super spoiled white captain and his sidekick or will he stand his ground and establish his dominance over the situation? As we see, he dominates the situation, going so far as to make fun of the captain and get his compliance to who is really in control of the team.

How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power struggle?

This isn’t just a struggle between a coach and a spoiled player. This struggle effects everyone involved in this situation. The white people present a united force against the black coach, fully expecting him to be intimidated and compliant. The black people are concerned about the same thing but are hopeful when he stands his ground.

What drama is this scene built around?

The newly integrated football team is off to football camp which will force the white and black players to learn how to cohabitate and practice and become a team, despite their differences, fears and prejudices and mutual distrust of each other. The coaches have to learn the same lessons, maybe more so.

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

These two characters are ideal to this situation and are possibly the only two that could establish the eventual and necessary outcome. They appear to have similar wounds: the black coach struggling against the dominance of whites his whole life and the captain struggling to maintain his position and dignity against some unseen oppressor, perhaps a dominating and abusive father.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 2 Day 2: Worthy Opponents – TOMBSTONE

· What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face?

Everyone in the saloon expects a show down between Ringo and Doc Holliday. The best of the best are facing off and there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that they will take up the challenge to prove which one is truly the best.

· What does Doc discover about Johnny’s character in their first meeting?

Doc realizes that there is far more to Johnny’s character than he assumed. Johnny is not the mindless thug he presents. He is educated, extremely confident, and very comfortable in his own skin. He is fearless and beyond competent with a gun.

· How do these two characters stand out from the others?

Everyone else in the saloon is either scared or excited at the prospect of what is going to happen between these two gunfighters. As their confrontation progresses, some people scramble to get out of the line of “fire” and some people get closer to get a better view, like at a boxing match of two perfectly matched heavy weight champions fighting for the belt.

· What drama is this scene built around?

This is their first meeting. The first time they can size each other up and decide just how dangerous each one is to the other. It’s their first chance to see how much of their reputation is hype and how much is gospel.

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

Because of the world they live and compete in, these characters were destined to meet. (As they say in Highlander, there can be only one.) Once they come face-to-face, their ambitions and fear of losing are exposed. Then, it is just a matter of what form the challenge takes. On the surface, it seems that Johnny Ringo has bested Doc Holliday with his gun skills, but in reality, a completely inebriated and dying Doc Holliday shows up Johnny by mimicking his every single move with a metal shot glass, basically making a joke out of him. From that moment on, their future is set in stone. They must meet again and see who is left standing.

[Marti Wheat]

Week 2 Day 1 Belonging Together – SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

• What causes you to believe these two belong together?

Sam and Annie have the same cynical reaction to the pop psychologist’s statements. They don’t believe this is a useful forum to find answers to their loneliness, but for very different reasons, both are on the same call: Sam because Jonah forces him into the situation, and Annie ostensibly because the program in on the radio while she drives. By the end of the scene, they both seem more open to the prospect and necessity of having someone in their lives.

• Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions.

Sam and Annie say the same thing, in unison, in response to Dr. Marcia’s comment that she doesn’t want to invade Sam’s privacy, “Sure, you do!” Sam is unaware of this, but it clearly leaves an impression on Annie, and she is reluctantly lured into paying closer attention to Sam and his responses. She tries to shake it off, just as Sam is trying to extricate himself from the conversation with Dr. Marcia.

· What drama is this scene built around?

Sam’s wife died and the holidays are particularly rough. As he points out, she is the one who always made things beautiful, and he is struggling to keep it together. Jonah seems to be dealing with the loss of his mother better than Sam is coping with the loss of his wife and being a single parent to his son.

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

It seems pretty clear that both Sam and Annie have been hurt in their love lives and have built a wall around their heart, hoping to keep from getting hurt again. They share a healthy cynicism for pop psychology and the quick fix it offers, but each displays a small opening in their armor that might allow them to be open to allowing themselves to be vulnerable again.

[Marti Wheat]

Hi all, my name is Marti Wheat and I have written three scripts, two of which need rewriting. My primary focus for this class is to rewrite a script that has garnered a bit of interest from a few producers and to then use what I learn from that experience to do an overhaul on my other scripts.

Something unique about me is that I have an animal rescue organization and am an avid scuba diver.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  Marti Wheat.

[Marti Wheat]

What I learned from this week’s lessons is how critical it is to know where your characters came from and where they’re going, but also to identify and rely on those characters whose sole function it is to propel other characters’ stories forward and to get to know those characters intimately, so you are best able to let them do their job.

There’s an old John Wayne movie called The Sons of Katie Elder, which centers on how Katie’s strength, resolve, determination and unconditional love influences her four grown sons’ decisions, character traits, and past and future lives. She is the most pivotal and strongest character in the story, even though she is dead and never once appears in the movie.

[Marti Wheat]

What causes both characters to reveal their wounds?

Skylar asking Will to come to California creates the situation where they reveal their wounds.

How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions?

Skylar is afraid she will lose Will when she goes to California, so she tries to convince him to come with her.

Will is already convinced he is going to get hurt, so he creates a self-fulfilling prophecy by sabotaging the relationship.

How is each character threatening the other’s wound?

As Will sets up the worst-case scenario if he goes to California with her, Skylar challenges his love for her and forces his hand by daring him to say he doesn’t love her. When he takes the bait and declares that he does not love her, she has her own self-fulfilling prophecy, the loss of his love.

What drama was this scene built around?

This scene illustrates how incredibly fearful and untrusting Will is and how fiercely he will protect himself from being hurt again.

What traits showed up in these character’s words and actions?

Skylar is grounded and in touch with her feelings for Will and while he is plagued by her money and the life that affords her, she sees it as nothing but a painful memory of losing her father at a young age.

Will is completely out of touch with his feelings and utterly gutted by the difference in their financial situations. He is insecure and scared and resorts to violence as his response to adversity.

What makes these characters great from a writing perspective?

These characters are Yin and Yang. Their strengths and weaknesses contrast and complement each other, highlighting the difference in how they see and live in their respective worlds.

[Marti Wheat]

I’ve never seen Lost, so my brain just automatically filled in my own version of the backstory and future outcome. I thought the first scene was an interesting setup, with Marshall asking for the handcuffs in his pocket when in reality his purpose was to expose Kate’s crime through her wanted poster. Was this to dissuade Jack from having feelings for Kate, or did he have some ulterior motive?

The drinking game is wonderful on several levels. It establishes that Sawyer has existing knowledge of Kate’s crime, and ostensibly the nature of her crime, but sets the stage for him to draw it out of her in a seemingly harmless drinking game. What I found fascinating was that both Kate and Sawyer played the game honestly and without deception, revealing several other aspects of their character to each other before arriving at the most compelling fact: that they have both killed a man, which binds them together in their shared secret and crime. Establishes that in at least one way, they are on the same level, whether they choose to admit it or not.

Though I don’t know the story’s reason Kate kill’s the drunk guy, I have no problem supporting her decision to kill someone who presents as an abusive creep. I would need more detail to know why she chose to obliterate the entire house. Is she trying to erase every aspect of their past or is she bent on eliminating any possibility at all for them to have a future?

[Marti Wheat]

CM Week 1 Day 3: The “Right Characters” for this story!

Junus has a confidence problem. He has acknowledged that he lost both his swing and his confidence in the war, which up until being asked to participate in a charity game, he’s accepted. Now, he’s wondering if he can get it back. It doesn’t look too good, as he keeps using the same bad swing to hit the balls, and he’s extremely defensive about it when Baggar walks out of the dark night directly into his terrible swings and sweetly assures him, he was in no danger of being hit by one of his balls.

But, Junus keeps swinging; he doesn’t quit, even though he is clearly frustrated and losing his patience with Baggar’s smooth, gentle chiding. He finally hands him his club and challenges him to “put his swing where his mouth is” and is stunned when Baggar hits the ball square on, sending it off in a perfect arc into the night. Now, their dance begins, with Baggar leading Junus, who begins to see him in a completely different light and, as he finally listens to Baggar and hears what he’s saying, his swing improves, and their characters meld into a perfectly symbiotic relationship. Each character elevates the other and neither would rise to their greatest level without the other.

[Marti Wheat]

Against the backdrop of just witnessing a devastating scene of killing an entire precinct of policemen and being hunted into the night, Sarah’s role in shaping and saving the future is revealed to her by Kyle. And, while she protests that she’s not capable of doing any of the things necessary to fulfill that role, she doesn’t hesitate to take control when she realizes that Kyle has been shot and she field dresses his wound like a champ. Clearly, despite her own lack of self-awareness and confidence, she already possesses the very traits (strength, courage, organization and determination) that she stresses she does not have.

Kyle’s character’s sole purpose is to mold Sarah into the person she is destined to become, perhaps at the risk of his own life and future. He is practically a zealot in his hero worship of John Connor and Sarah, as John’s future mother. There is no question that he is ready to martyr himself in order for Sarah to survive and fulfill her destiny.

[Marti Wheat]

SWU Character Mastery – Day 1 Traits

The writer/s went to great lengths to set up Will and, to a lesser degree, Chuckie to look out of place in the “Ivy League” bar. Will’s shirt is ripped and frayed at the collar and he and Chuckie both have blood on their face as if they had been brawling. This sets up their juxtaposition against the well-dressed, preppy crowd and makes Will’s intellectual reveal that much more stunning and unexpected. The fact that Will stays in the background until he feels the need to “save” Chuckie from Clark’s attack indicates that he isn’t confident with his intellect and simply uses it as needed to help others, instead of using it to his own fulfillment and advantage.

It’s also interesting that when Chuckie first approaches Skylar and her friend, the guy that moves to the bar stool behind Skylar looks like he’s really going to enjoy watching Chuckie embarrass himself and get taken down by Clark, but by the end of the scene, he’s claiming Will as his own, “My boy is wicked smart!”

Scene

INT. SAN ANTONIO MILITARY MEDICAL CENTER (SAMMC) – NIGHT

STACY PARRIS (31) and TYLER PARRIS (5) sit on a bench outside a hospital room. The hall lights are dim and everything is quiet. The door to the room is slightly ajar, so they speak in low tones.

TYLER

Mommy? Why is daddy so sad?

STACY

I don’t know, honey; I guess he’s just trying to adjust.

TYLER

Because he got hurt, right?

INT. SAMMC HOSPITAL ROOM – SAME TIME

FRANK PARRIS (33) lays in the bed in the dimly lit room. His face and head are heavily bandaged and he is missing his right arm above the elbow and his left leg below the knee and he’s hooked up to a variety of monitors and a catheter. His restrained left hand fumbles under the sheets and pulls out a scalpel. He pulls on the restraint but it doesn’t have enough give for him to use the knife on himself. Anger flashes across the unbandaged side of his face and tears well in his eye as he listens to his family in the hall.

STACY

Well, honey, Daddy got hurt really bad and it’s a lot for him to deal with.

TYLER

But, since he’s already so bad hurt, why does he keep trying to hurt himself more?

Stacy stares down at her son.

STACY

What are you talking about?

TYLER

I heard the doctors say Daddy is too sad and doesn’t want to be here anymore.

STACY

Oh, Tyler! I’m so sorry you heard that. The doctors are just trying to understand, so they can find a way to help Daddy.

TYLER

Doesn’t he love us anymore?

STACY

Of course he loves us. More than anything.

TYLER

If he loved us, he wouldn’t want to go away and leave us.

STACY

Honey, it’s so complicated. I don’t think Daddy really wants to leave us. He’s just angry and frustrated.

TYLER

He’s mad because he can’t be a soldier anymore.

STACY

Yes.

TYLER

But he can still be a dad if he wants to.

STACY

Yes, he can.

TYLER

I don’t think he wants to.

STACY

Why not?

TYLER

Well, this is the place that can make him better, right?

STACY

Well, yes…

TYLER

But he just keeps trying to make everything worse.

CLOSE ON Frank. Tears course down his cheek and he quietly puts the scalpel back under the sheets.

[Marti Wheat]

1. Name? Marti Wheat

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Three feature length scripts and numerous stage pieces.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I have a feature length screenplay that garnered some interest from a few producers, but needs a rewrite, and I think mastering character development is a critical first step for a solid rewrite.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I have an animal rescue organization.

[Marti Wheat]

1. Marti Wheat

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what I agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Marti Wheat.

[Marti Wheat]

My feedback:

Logline:

An heir to a Big Game Hunting empire falls hard for the enemy, a wildlife conservationist, and is forced into a life changing altercation with his sadistic father. Kai Richards plans to convert a Wildlife Sanctuary into a Naturalist Hunting Lodge with his best mate Adam are fully derailed, as he must choose between love with Tara, and abandoning the plans he made with Adam, leaving his family legacy behind.

**I really like this concept and the inevitable conflicts. I would try to tighten up the logline a bit. Maybe something like: “The heir to a Big Game Hunting empire falls hard for a wildlife conservationist, forcing him into a life-changing altercation with his sadistic father. With his plans to convert a Wildlife Sanctuary into a Naturalist Hunting Lodge with his best mate completely derailed, he must now choose between his new love and his family legacy.”

One Page:

Maasai Warrior. Heir to a Big Game Hunting Lodge empire. Dakarai ‘Kai’ Richards straddles both worlds. A final confrontation with his father, Martin, forces Kai into a life altering decision. When a childhood friend, he considers his brother, makes an offer he can’t refuse Kai decides to leave Africa behind and start a new life in Australia.

**Great set up for both the conflict with his father and his future world as he escapes his father’s dominance and moves to Australia.

Crikey! Troubles brewing down under. Adam Jackson battles his own demons and his partner, Tara, in the wildlife sanctuary he manages and sees his escape in Kai’s decision. He entices Kai to join him in Australia, in pursuit of their boyish dream to develop a Naturalistic Bow-Hunting Lodge on the grounds of the financially strapped sanctuary.

**I might change “boyish” to “boyhood” for clarity that their dream isn’t in question.

Adam’s convincing story that Tara wants to return to field research, and inspirational vision of converting the grounds into their dream lodge is alluring. Seduced by the possibilities and promise of a new life in Western Australia, with his closest friend, Kai takes a leap of faith and makes a hefty investment in the failing sanctuary to get the ball rolling.

**Good job setting up sympathy for what Kai is about to walk into.

Adam’s lies to Kai are grounded in an addict’s delusions and pain; fueled by alcohol, prescription drugs and his one-sided infatuation with Tara. He decides the conversion of the wildlife park into a hunting lodge will not only destroy her but also give him a chance to start over with his best mate Kai at his side. The truth is that Tara is a dedicated conservationist, and stunning wildlife warrior hell-bent on saving the park.

**Excellent character set up. You can tell that in addition to his addictions, Adam is manipulative and destructive. Not only in his own life but to others, as well. I like Tara already…

Landing in Australia Kai’s faced with a shocking reality. Observing Adam’s addictive behavior Kai instinctively knows something isn’t right. His intuition’s confirmed arriving at the park and meeting Tara. One inexplicable instant; opposites attract. Tara’s shocked by her gut reaction to Kai, and Kai’s immediately captivated by her raw, natural beauty, obvious expertise, and rebel attitude.

**Nice. This sets up the ensuing conflict between Kai and Adam beautifully.

‘Siku Saba!’ Kai’s relationship with Adam deteriorates, as he and Tara astonishingly find their hearts share common ground. Instinctively, together, they reconnect with their Maasai and Aboriginal roots and come to a deeper understanding of their purpose and mission. Adam falls deeper into depression.

**I love them reconnecting with their roots and finding their true purpose through their ancestors.

Feeling betrayed by his best mate, Adam contacts Kai’s sadistic father Martin. He offers him the park and his services to create an extension of his Kenyan Big Game Hunting Lodge, ousting Tara in the process, and taking control from Kai. Simultaneously, Tara discovers Kai’s family ties to Martin and the Lodge. Confrontation. Battle.

**Awesome betrayal. Didn’t see that one coming. Good stumbling block to his love and potential future with Tara.

Does Kai choose a life with Tara, or remain loyal to his ‘brother’ Adam? Over the next two days, new lines are drawn as Kai attempts to convince Tara he’s not the enemy and save Adam from his spiraling descent into hell. Then suddenly Kai’s blindsided by Martin’s arrival at the park, thugs in tow, ready to takeover. Martin disinherits Kai, admits to fathering Adam, and names him his sole heir. Adam’s stunned.

**Holy crap!!! Excellent flip.

In a violent confrontation, Martin threatens to shoot Tara, bragging to Kai he killed his mother in the same way. Kai attacks Martin and is stabbed with his own weapon – a blade passed down from his mother, forever at his side. As Martin recovers the gun and stands over Kai, murder in his eyes, Adam sees the truth. Adam charges to Kai’s defense. knocking Martin to the ground.

**Great job setting up Martin as a total monster who deserves whatever Kai and Adam do to him. Shows their uninherited humanity if they don’t kill him.

BAM! BAM! Lives changed forever… can love and hope survive?

**Good question!

**There is so much opportunity for conflict and resolution throughout this story. I love the idea of Kai and Tara calling on their Maasai and Aboriginal backgrounds to conquer evil in the modern world. And, I like the fact that Adam comes to his senses at the end to save Kai from their father. Good job.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Marti Wheat. Reason: Take out html code

[Marti Wheat]

Hi Diana,

Thanks. I would love to partner with you. I posted my Day 1 assignment (I think). I’ll go back and check. I put it somewhere… 🙂 Best, M