Mary Chamberlin
Forum Replies Created
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Mary and Rich’s Dramatic Scene Transitions
What I learned from doing this assignment is that changing a few transitions help keep things interesting, not just all sequential and linear, so the reader asks questions about this protagonist and furthers emotional attachments.
Your job on this assignment is to use this process and experience a success with it.
1. Using your script, skip through it, looking only at the transitions between the scenes.
2. Make a note of every scene transition that could benefit from one of the transitions listed in #3.
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty. Jax bargains with Morty, says he will get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty will commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler. They’ll continue the outline in the morning, this time at Morty’s place.
INT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Jax shows up at Noon, teases Morty about his place.
Chose The Question and Answer Transition.
Before and After on the transition between them.
BEFORE
MORTY
Stop. Which app is Bella on?
JAX
I don’t know. How about this? You like coffee, Morty.
On Screen App: “Coffee and A Roll”
MORTY
I never drink coffee in bed.
JAX
Wait a minute. She’s ex-air force.
On Screen App: “Air Forced”
JAX
Or how about Curvy Waves, BadAss or Cat’s Meow.
The Apps pop up filling the screen.
MORTY
OMG! Too much, kid!
JAX
I knew I’d get a ka-ching.
MORTY
Let’s get to work. We left off with the aliens landing in Germany, right?
JAX
It’s gonna be a long day.
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AFTER
JAX
Or how about Curvy Waves, BadAss or Cat’s Meow.
The Apps pop up filling the screen.
MORTY
OMG! Too much, kid!
JAX
I knew I’d get a ka-ching.
MORTY
Enough of this! I just want to find a way to date Bella. Is that so hard?
JAX
When she’s your teacher, yes.
MORTY
How can I solve the riddle of the Sphinx?
INT – SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY
Bella googles Morty, as even though she blew him off she’s intrigued. He obviously
had worn a uniform at one point, his personality screamed it, and well she hadn’t been
dating much recently. She giggles at some of his online info, he’s humorous and manly
in a respectful way that appeals to her. Before she closes the browser, she saves his
search info on favorites bookmark for later use. Then she gets back to work on a video
game she just started – called Shakespeare vs. Hitler, a nerdy mashup of action and drama.
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Mary and Rich’s Elevated Scene Structures
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the low entertainment score scenes benefit from this elevation when we worked them as a group. Only using three of the 11 to elevate really works well, not too much. Like where this is going.
Select scene(s) that would benefit from a more compelling scene structure. Place it here.
(27) [E2]. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that Kyle has epilepsy. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
(28) [E3] INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Although dismal, they are starting to add fresh ideas about what they know.
(29) [E4] EXT. STREET – DAY
Morty parks in the only spot open, Mabel, his car, limping in with a loud roar and puff of smoke.
(30) [E8] EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with Kyle, who begs to get together soon. Melanie says there is a local air show over the weekend and they can have a picnic together. Morty tells them that last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
(31) [E3] INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
They discuss their project, jokes flying back and forth. They seem to be working together better now. Also, they talk about each of their relationships.
(32) [E4] INT. MORTY’S CAR – NIGHT
Morty and Jax are driving to class. It is the evening after Morty’s date. It went well. He will bring her to the air show.
List the components of the scene and what you are trying to accomplish.
Want to advance M&J digging into the project but finding their differences an impediment. But as get to know each other they are building bridges.
Imagine the scene being played out through each of the 11 scene structures and write out the three best ones, like I did in the example above.
Surprise.
Change so Morty takes charge of the computer aspect (bring up to date by learning from YouTube videos) and Jax starts lovely design drawings. Also add to classroom scene have Bella demo “Bombs Away” her Air Force training game that combines Top Gun with Warcraft. Makes Morty even hotter for her.
Suspense/Superior Position.
Update so Morty is pining for Bella, and says he’ll try the date app but only for fun, one night stand, no relationship. Add a scene where Melanie face-times her Mom (show on screen) and after hearing Jax talking up a Dating App that Morty picked, encourages her to try it too. The audience then sees Morty and Melanie’s Mom connect via the app, not knowing they have this connection thru Melanie. Audience sees a trainwreck coming.
Make your choice of the new scene structure and rewrite the scenes.
LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that Kyle has epilepsy, then chat. Morty mentions tonight is the night – he’s trying the GenX Dating App, Jax and Melanie approve. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
INT – MORTY APT – NIGHT
Morty and Melanie’s Mom connect via the app, not knowing they have this connection thru Melanie. Audience sees a trainwreck coming.
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – NEXT DAY
Morty reveals he’s been watching YouTube how to’s on video game design, his past knowledge helps him learn fast. Still don’t have a game overall plan or characters, other than the title “Yard Wars” Then Jax reveals his drawings that are creative and filled with intrigue.
DELETE – EXT. STREET – DAY
Morty parks in the only spot open, Mabel, his car, limping in with a loud roar and puff of smoke.
ADD – INT- MELANIE’s APT / then FaceTime Split Screen
Melanie face-times her Mom (show on screen) and passes along kudos for the Dating App that Morty picked, encourages her to try it too.
EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with Kyle, who begs to get together soon. Melanie says there is a local air show over the weekend and they can have a picnic together. Morty tells them that last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
They discuss their project, seem to be working together better now. Also, talk about each of their relationships.
INT. Classroom
It is the evening after Morty’s date. It went well. He will bring her to the air show. Class starts, Bella demo “Bombs Away” her Air Force training game that combines Top Gun with Warcraft. Makes Morty even hotter for her.
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Mary and Rich’s Meaningful Action
What I learned doing this assignment is that a talking head scene only tangentially tied to the meaning takes on a new life when looked at in a different way, repetition is a core skill we’ve heard before. This proves it, keep repeating the process until it works.
– Go through your script and select a scene where the action doesn’t add to the drama in some way or there is no action at all.
(9) [E4] EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
Morty offers Jax a ride home in his rolling wreck named Mabel. Jax carries the doggie bag with some of their name-calling cash already inside.
– Read scene and discover what the deepest meaning in the scene is. Look for what the scene is truly trying to communicate. Once you have that, write it down at the top of the scene.
MEANING – GenX and GenZ “Odd Couple” can’t seem to agree on anything, but they must or they fail the class and both lose big time.
– Considering that meaning, brainstorm actions that will either support or contrast that meaning.
1) Jax is allergic to exhaust, Morty loves the smell that reminds him of his own Dad. Choking, he does an open door and roll out of the moving car to get away from this deathtrap.
2) Jax points to Morty as “Environmentally Unconscious” for having this old wreck. Later Morty reacts by creating “Weedblocka” in Yard Wars Game as Green and eco-friendly.
3) Morty is lonely, so he added a CPU to Mabel who matching her rust and lack of amenities acts like a mother in law backseat driving. Jax never knew his Mom, jokes this is probably what she’d be like by now. Could be court ordered by a Judge.
4) They are silent all the way to Jax’s home – the guard at the gate balks at Mabel’s noise, won’t let them in. Jax says hi to Guard, who then lets them thru. Morty says “What’s the problem? Nobody here goes to bed early anyway.” OR Morty gets out and starts to
argue with guard, Jax slides over and drives thru.
– Select the meaning that delivers the most drama, comedy, horror, etc. for your story and REWRITE THE SCENE.
EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
They walk up to the badly parked beater of a car. Jax looks funny as Morty pulls out keys to unlock Mabel.
JAX – you actually lock this thing?
MORTY – Mabel’s a fine seasoned vehicle.
JAX – Who’s Mabel?
Morty puts the key in the lock, turns it methodically, and holds open the door to a rusty squeeky sound acting like a doorman at a fine hotel.
MORTY – May I introduce my personal rolls royce, Mabel. She has her charms.
JAX: I can see.
Jax chuckles as he gets in the car. Morty jaunts around to the other side and gets in the driver’s seat. Morty starts the car. Loud rumbling ensues from the muffler. Smoke wafts into the car.
JAX: (coughing and waving his hand) What the…?
MORTY: Oh, that’s just Mabel’s lungs. No big deal.
JAX: No big deal echoes the passenger as he dies from exhaust fumes. Morty, you know you are being environmentally unconscious.
MORTY: I need the bucks to get her fixed, and we’ve already established I lose at slots.
A female voice from the back seat of the car interrupts.
FEMALE VOICE: Are you going to put me in drive or just sit there thinking about it?
Jax pivots around.
JAX: What the hell is that?
MORTY: Aah, that’s Mabel. My invention. I call it the Driver’s Assistant. Driver’s Ass for short. Well, I suppose I could use a better name.
Morty pulls out of the parking space.
FEMALE VOICE: Traffic on Main Street is slow. Sometimes slower is better.
Jax looks around and there is virtually no traffic.
JAX: Just getting the kinds out?
MORTY: Yeah, or adding them?
FEMALE VOICE: Legal speed limit exceeded. Contacting law enforcement. Woo, woo.
The horn starts beeping.
Morty jams on the breaks and Jax jerks forward.
FEMALE VOICE: Now, operating in safe parameters.
JAX: We’re stopped.
MORTY: But we are quite safe.
JAX: It’s a car. You’re supposed to drive it.
MORTY: Okay, I’ll turn off the speaker. It is a bit experimental, yet. But maybe you’d like to take her out for a spin sometime? Alone.
JAX: Never.
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Mary and Rich’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that picking apart the weakest links helps the rest of the story bloom. We were chomping at the bit to start writing dialogue prematurely – then it flowed at the right time. Very good process, need to apply to more but out of time for today.
Select at least three (3) scenes in your Beat Sheet that you’d like to improve.
(27) [E2]. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that he has epilepsy. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
Purpose – to fill in details about Kyle’s condition, then get back to work.
After – Kyle has epilepsy, with medicine that’s expensive, and experimental. He ran out yesterday – they dance around
this with Morty, whose questions bring it out. Morty knows someone who may be able to get the drug at low or no cost.
Morty and Jax leave to work in the library.
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(28) [E3] INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Although dismal, they are starting to add fresh ideas about what they know.
Purpose – move things along, info dump
After – Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Try brainstorming crazy ideas – does chocolate taste good in a wormhole?
Does time go backward on the event horizon – ie could Hitler be hiding inside to jump our heroes? First hints of Yard Wars, but embryonic.
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(34) [E3] EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
A panoramic view of the air show, with a control tower. In the tower, field commander BENNY ARNOLD, who is Jax’s Dad, looks out at the activity.
At one booth Bella Bustamonte is a flight demonstrator getting ready to present.
Purpose – Intro fairgrounds in a big way
After – DELETE to up the surprise factor. Later when show BENNY he’s a corporate sponsor not military. Add a scene where he gets a plaque
from the base commander Bella Bustamonte, Jax tries to get away from but Benny spots him and after talk goes to him and “attacks”
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(35) [E3] INT. MORTY’S CAR – DAY
Morty, Jax, Melanie and Kyle arrive. See above. Scenes now follow this skeleton: Bella comes up to M&J&M&K who think shes Mortys date.
No, I’m here to give out corporate sponsor plaque—and/or Bella is the commander who runs the air show. Bella leaves to go towards the stage.
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UPDATES – DIALOGUE FOR NEXT PART:
MORTY: “Bella’s not my date!
A woman comes up between them.
MORTY: She is.
This is Melanies Mom.
MELANIE: Mom?
JAX: Mrs. Smith?
MELANIE’S MOM: Hi Morty?
They give each other a peck/ kiss.
MORTY: Shakespeare in love.
KYLE: Cool! Grandpa?
MELANIE’S MOM: Morty you know my daughter?
MORTY: Not in a biblical sense.
Now, they turn their attention to the stage, as Bella is starting her speech to give out the corporate sponsorship plaque.
It turns out to be Benny Arnold, who is Jax’s Dad.
Melanie says “Dont get upset.” or something like that to comfort Jax, who has a bad relationship with his father and also doesn’t want him
to see him with Melanie.
Morty finds out that it is Jax’s Dad.
When they try to “escape” they inadvertantly bump into Benny Arnold. Then this is where the argument ensues.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Scene Ratings
What we learned doing this assignment is it’s good to go through in reverse order, avoids complacent errors and breaks up continuity and look at individually. Rating and trying to be objective is tough, but allows even comparison between beats/scenes.
Results. What were your high scenes, your low scenes, and what surprised you?
High was a 10 for the nude modelling scene, cracks us up every time. Low are the “glue” scenes that tie in continuity, but add little flavor to the broth. Far too many of them here it seems, which surprises us. Need a rework to move these below the surface.
“Morty and Jax”
Act 1:
(1) [E8] INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
A cluster of feet stride by wearing Nike Airs, trendy flats, clogs and heels, than a pair of black Walmart gym shoes navigates through, quickly.
(2) [E7] INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
MORTY EIDER, 59 year-old male walks in carrying books, takes the only open seat in the back of the class, next to JAX ARNOLD, a 25 year-old psychobilly punker. The teacher, MS. BELLA BUSTAMONTE, enters and welcomes them to Screenwriting 101 class. She announces they’ll be paired up and graded together and there is a $500 college-wide annual contest tie in.
(3) [E6] INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Jax takes a phone call outside of class. He texts, “I’m assigned with an old loser.” Morty reads over his shoulder, “I’m not old, kid.” Implores him to get together to work tomorrow.
(4) [E5] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty, up at 5, dressed by 6, calls Jax. No reply. He leaves a message, Googles Jax’s number, gets his address and grabs his car keys.
(5) [E3] INT. CAR – DAY
Morty arrives at address. It’s a run down tenement. OR GATED COMMUNITY Strange.
(6) [E4] EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Morty sits on a bench watching students stream by. No Jax. Looks at his watch and heads towards the Arts Center Building.
(7) [E10] INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Jax sits at an easel in the back. The nude model who walks in is Morty. After striking poses, Morty jumps off the dais and heads towards Jax sans towel. Confronts “partner”. Jax gets a threatening text from his father. “Get an A in all your classes or your funding is cut off.” Jax tells Morty he will meet with him that night at the diner.
(8) [E8] INT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
In a red vinyl booth, they disagree on their project theme, calling each other kid and old man. They make a truce and put money into a doggie bag each time one name calls. Waitress LOIS becomes arbitrator for their ideas. Morty wants “Shakespeare vs. Hitler” and Jax wants “Through the Alien Wormhole”. Lois sides with Jax. Morty buys dinner.
(9) [E4] EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
Morty offers Jax a ride home in his rolling wreck named Mabel. Jax carries the doggie bag with some of their name-calling cash already inside.
(10) [E7] INT. CAR – NIGHT
Mabel sounds as loud as a airplane engine. Morty says his $250 share of the winnings will just cover the repair bill.
(11) [E6] INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
The next evening, Morty sits alone before class and tries to mish-mash Hitler-like Aliens and World War two airplanes in a wormhole. Students file in, including Jax. Bella gets everyone to come up and pitch. Morty and then Jax’s are both disasters.
(12) [E5] INT. DINER – NIGHT
Morty and Jax need to work but instead talk about dating apps. Morty is attracted to Ms. Bustamonte and would like to date her. Jax vows to help Morty with getting a date.
(13) [E7] EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 7:30 a.m. Morty is an early bird, Jax a night owl.
(14) [E5] INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty snoops finding recycled wall art d’object and Jax is the artist. Questions him. Jax is cagey, offers espresso in demitasse cups. Morty finds out that Jax family is rich. Jax bribes Morty to forget S vs H by picking out dating apps.
(15) [E3] EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
It’s a middle-class neighborhood. Jax is at his door at noon.
(16) [E5] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Jax snoops, finds a picture of woman and child, good Samaritan award, detailed model airplanes, and a record collection including Queen Bohemian Rhapsody. Jax teases and questions. Morty serves coffee, they riff on ideas to no avail.
(17) [E8] EXT. MORTY’S YARD – DAY
Morty convinces Jax to go out into the yard to play act one of his ideas to get unstuck. Morty takes out tools from his shed to demonstrate his idea, “Yard Wars” complete with Rake Plant Talker, RUDeet Spray, Princess Lettuce Organic, etc. It’s terrible.
(18) [E6] INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
Before class starts, Morty hurriedly sends a text to Ms. Bustamonte. He flubs it. “Ho Ms. Busty would you like a mate?”
(19) [E7] INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Damn spell checker. Morty and Jax realize his mistake. Ms. Bustamonte dings them.
(20) [E7] INT. DINER – NIGHT
Jax gets a call from his Dad, lies about seeing Melanie. Morty overhears, asks about her, but Jax is evasive and says she’s nobody. They work badly and agree to try again tomorrow. Morty will pick Jax up after his early art class, and, no, Morty will not be the model this time. Jax tells him he has an errand at Melanies first on the way to class.
ACT 2
(21) [E6] INT. MORTY’S CAR, MABEL – DAY
After finding out that he will be going to Melanie’s house and meeting her, Morty brings flowers. Jax tries to convince him that she is not his girlfriend.
(22) [E7] EXT. MELANIE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Morty recognizes the tenement he visited, a low rent neighborhood. They go through a security door, then to 202 – MELANIE, a tired looking 20 something, answers.
(23) [E7] INT. MELANIE’S APPARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Melanie beams about the flowers. KYLE, an eight-year old boy, runs in and instantly takes to Morty, showing him his airplanes. They go play. Jax and Melanie talk. Jax dismisses Morty, Melanie scolds him.
(24) [E7] INT. KYLE’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Morty and Kyle are on the floor playing with the airplanes. Jax watches them. The usual teasing. Melanie calls them to have tea.
(25) [E8] INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Melanie, Jax and Morty sit down for tea. They chat. Morty confesses to being laid off and not being able to get a job. Melanie asks Morty if he has any kids, but before he can answer, they hear a loud bang from the other room.
(26) [E8] INT. KYLE’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Melanie, Jax and Morty dash to Kyle’s bedroom. Kyle is having an epileptic fit. Jax and Melanie console him. Morty gets a glass of water. Kyle is embarrassed. Morty cheers him up.
(27) [E2]. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that he has epilepsy. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
(28) [E3] INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Although dismal, they are starting to add fresh ideas about what they know.
(29) [E4] EXT. STREET – DAY
Morty parks in the only spot open, Mabel, his car, limping in with a loud roar and puff of smoke.
(30) [E8] EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with Kyle, who begs to get together soon. Melanie says there is a local air show over the weekend and they can have a picnic together. Morty tells them that last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
(31) [E3] INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
They discuss their project, jokes flying back and forth. They seem to be working together better now. Also, they talk about each of their relationships.
(32) [E4] INT. MORTY’S CAR – NIGHT
Morty and Jax are driving to class. It is the evening after Morty’s date. It went well. He will bring her to the air show.
(33) [E5] INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
Ms. Bustamonte is building a structure of bricks to demonstrate talking about structure. How one brick relies on the other to support it. Morty figures out Jax’s secret, that he is helping Melanie and Kyle using the money that his father gives him.
(34) [E3] EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
A panoramic view of the air show, with a control tower. In the tower, field commander, BENNY ARNOLD, who is Jax’s Dad, looks out at the activity.
At one booth Bella Bustamonte is a flight demonstrator getting ready to present.
(35) [E3] INT. MORTY’S CAR – DAY
Morty, Jax, Melanie and Kyle arrive.
(36) [E6] EXT. MORTY’S CAR- CONTINUOUS
They pop out of the car. Morty whispers to Jax to tell Melanie that he likes her. Morty’s date will arrive later.
(37) [E8] EXT. AIR SHOW – CONTINUOUS
Morty and Kyle wander off to see the planes. Jax tries to tell Melanie how he feels but fails. Jax’s Dad appears and chides Jax for being with Melanie. Morty and Kyle rejoin them. Jax’s father Benny Arnold doesn’t like Morty, they argue. he threatens to cut off the Jax money. Jax leaves, Morty then confronts Jax’s Dad who stalks off.
Then, Bella Bustamonte appears, all think she’s Morty’s mystery date. But, it’s really Melanie’s mom. Jax doesn’t like it. He pulls Morty aside, while the others walk to a lecture. Jax confronts Morty. They argue. They decide to not work together anymore.
Act 3
(38) [E3] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty sulks as he looks at his picture of a woman and child.
(39) [E3] INT. JAX’S APPARTMENT – CONTINOUS
Jax sulks as he looks at the picture of Melanie and Kyle.
(40) [E3] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – CONTINOUS
Morty sets down his coffee cup, loudly and tilts the picture face down onto the table.
(41) [E3] INT. JAX’S APPARTMENT – CONTINOUS
Jax surveys a coffee pot, a toy plane, a book of Shakespeare plays and a doggie bag filled with cash. He gets up and starts to move.
(42) [E7] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – CONTINOUS
The doorbell rings. It’s Jax, who confesses his rant meant putting lots of cash into the doggie bag. Morty is downcast sitting silent and still on his couch, tells of the accident that killed his wife and child. This class was a new start for him and he actually had some hope. Jax listens. They each apologize and bring the team back together.
(43) [E4] INT. MORTY’S CAR – THE NEXT DAY
Morty and Jax sit in his car outside of Melanie’s apartment. Morty forces Jax to go and tell Melanie how he feels.
(44) [E8] EXT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT PATIO / MORTY’S CAR – CONTINUOS
Jax has flowers. Morty encourages him from his car, waving him on. He calls Melanie, who appears on her patio. Jax tells Melanie he loves her. Morty, popping out his car door, tells them to kiss and get back here so they can finish their assignment together.
(45) [E4] INT. DINER – NIGHT
They are writing furiously, making changes over many cups of coffee.
(46) [E6] INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Everything is a wreck, but Morty has the latest computer equipment. They type “the end.” Morty and Jax press their fingers on the send key together to Bella Bustamonte’s address.
(47) [E6] INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – NIGHT
A nervous Morty says he can’t go into class. Tells Jax to go and find out the results and then meet him by Mabel, his car, in the parking lot.
(48) [E7] EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Jax tells Morty that they won, gives him $250. Morty is suspicious. Then other students come out celebrating the win. “The Sad Stupid Clown Story” won over “Yard Wars”. Jax says the cash is to fix Mabel so no death trap the next semester. Morty is surprised, Jax tells him next is Screenwriting Part 2 and there is another prize. And, guess what, Bella Bustamonte doesn’t teach that. It’s the start of a beautiful friendship, a la Casablanca.
**** Starting from the end, flag the beats that need help.
(27) INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
(32) INT. MORTY’S CAR – NIGHT
(34) EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
**** Tell us which beats you separated out and how you’ve changed
each of those beats.27 – Delete
32 – Convert into a classroom scene
34 – All telling, expository – up the ante here.
**** Also exploring changing from a Screenwriting Class to a Playwrite Class or a Love Of Science Class, with a similar play being produced for community theaster, OR a final science fair project ala National Science Fair replacing “Yard Wars” with perhaps a Time Travel experiment that goes horribly wrong, or the like.
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Mary and Rich’s Character Intros
What I learned doing this assignment is that the intro is so important, must be memorable to attract an A List Actor.
Looking at other possibilities takes us out of the box with our structure.
List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.
MORTY (Action shows primary traits, Other character’s reaction to this character.)
Show feet walking down a hallway, an oddball pair of sneakers stands out
Show GenX man entering classroom filled with teens
Forced to sit next to a punky loner, he isn’t afraid to ask him to stop tapping.
JAX (Situation demands the character – GenZ foil to Morty’s GenX)
Sleeping in class, he is the teachers nightmare. He tells Morty he should get another partner or fail.
Select a different type of introduction from this list below for each character.
Write out the beats for each NEW character introduction. Make sure it delivers as much character as possible through the initial action, initial lines of dialogue, initial description and the situation you place the character in.
Types of Introductions
6) The reveal opening.
Morty driving Mabel to class, he’s late and makes a bad entrance. Car backfires a minute before he comes in, people chuckle at this.
OR Morty has Asbergers, mumbles inappropriate things.
3) Build the Character’s reputation.
Jax talks with teacher before class, she responds like family – his Dad and Bella have served in combat together and she is like family. Given his Dad’s stand-off-ishness she is the defacto Mom he never knew. His punky leather jacket saves his seat in the back next to only open seat.
Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.
EXT – CAR – NIGHT
Along a street-light lit road into the local Community College, an old beater roars and breaks the silence. A GenX man MORTY ANDERS has the steering wheel in a death grip as he careens past walking students. His worst nightmare is coming true – first night back to school and he’s VERY late. He is breathing hard, seeing this as another failure in a long line of misfortune in his life. Sliding across 2 parking spaces, he gingerly locks the car, buffing out a handprint on the fender. A rusty section falls off at his feet, he kicks it under another shiny new car next to him.
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Mary and Rich’s Character Story Beats
What we learned in this exercise is reflection and immersion in the characters allows us to make sure they sync well with the overall genre, plot, logline, and structure.
Protagonist/Antagonist 1 – Morty
Role – Gen X Protagonist, laid off now student
Core Character Traits – Adventurous, Optimistic Pessimist, Secretive, Fatherly (Note irony of simultaneously secretive and adventurous)
Character Subtext Logline – doesn’t feel old yet constantly mentions age, may have waited too long to pursue his dreams
Want/Need: to accomplish something even if it is short-term
Character Arc: friendless to family
Secret: He has a lot of creative ideas, but uneven priorities
What makes this character unique? Never gives up, teasing dry sense of humor
BEGIN – Morty returns to school, gets paired up with his polar opposite
MIDDLE – He dips his toe in dating and social media, trying to escape his secret loneliness
END – Morty stands up for what he believes, in the process finds new avenues/relationships
Broad Strokes –
Laid off and alone, he returns to school only to be rebuffed for his age
His secret (profound loss) conflicts with Jax’s (fight for freedom) – they are locked into their secrets
Morty takes to Kyle, releasing his inner pain about the loss of his wife and child in an accident and gives him a family again
Has trouble relating to a GenZ using GenX methods (home phone, text msg, drive around, etc) until Jax gets him to try a dating app and social media. He likes them, grows him out of his secret and plunges him forward with life
IDEA – Specify “In the near future” All cars are EV (except Mabel) – can also season with a couple futuristic twists.
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Protagonist/Antagonist 2 – Jax (each others Antagonist here)
Role – Gen Z Protagonist, punk loner, wishes to be elsewhere
Core Character Traits – loner, withdrawn, mellow, too nice to be ambitious
Character Subtext Logline – is at heart an old soul, trying to let go of anger to find peace, doesn’t like attention, yet has notable tattoos
Want/Need: to feel accepted and appreciated
Unique: is very even-keeled
Character Arc: scattered boy to responsible man
Improvements: change withdrawn to Fidgety, mellow to Justice seeking
BEGIN – Withdrawn and forced to attend school, he begrudgingly starts work on a project that he becomes interested in thru and despite Morty
MIDDLE – In helping Morty, he helps himself open up to Melanie and his father (so not financially blackmailed)
END – Forced to accept truths and reject lies, he steps up to become the man he wants to be with the life he desires
Broad Strokes –
Punk facade shields Jax from people, except Morty, Kyle and Melanie.
He is smart and begins their screenplay on solid footing – a space adventure
Jealous of Kyle’s infatuation with Morty, he is chided by Melanie and steps back to look at himself
Angered by Morty dating Melanie’s Mom, again he is trying to be something he is not.
He opens up to Melanie and Morty and completes the project – even though it fails, it leads to something better.
IDEA – Jax is creative on design and sets, so perhaps a THEATER PLAY would be a better project here.
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Connecting character – Bella Bustamonte
Role – Teacher and Love Interest
Core Character Traits – air force grunt, direct, sexy mature, tough love
Character Subtext Logline – Although teaching kids, she doesn’t understand them well, tries boot camp learning method
Want/Need – to help create winning screenwriters, to live the military life
Secret – Thinks of herself as a Military Hemingway, finds Morty attractive even in his feeble attempts to date her
What makes this character unique? Called a ballbuster, she’s really a strong woman who gets what she needs
BEGIN – Tough teacher tries to relate to young students (from GenX perspective) and mostly fails
MIDDLE – She’s more than we thought – she’s Air Force Reserve and still flies. Won’t date students.
END – She doesn’t pick “YARD WARS” but after class ends begins to date Morty
Broad Strokes –
Stays pretty much the same across story
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Supporting character for Protagonist – Melanie
Role – Gen Z BFF and love interest
Core Character Traits – sweet, quiet strength, loyal and composed, also an old soul like Jax
Character Subtext Logline – Stomped by the world, she is happy with her world including her precious but vulnerable Kyle
Want/Need – to live her life in peace and love with a little more stability
Secret – protective of her Mom who also has been kicked around
BEGIN – Appears to be a parasite, but she is NOT
MIDDLE – She aids Jax in loosening up his anger and judgement
END – She returns his love and takes them to the next level
Broad Strokes –
Accepts help from Jax willingly, even as she provides friendship to Jax unconditionally
Her nurture instinct for Kyle is fulfilled when Jax professes his love and she recoprocates
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Supporting character for Antagonist – Kyle
Role – child to be fathered by Morty and Jax
Core Character Traits – Precocious, direct, moody, adventurous
Character Subtext Logline – Opposite of Jax still sharing many traits
Flaw – Epileptic fits haunt his life
Want/Need – to be normal, to fly
Secret – wishes he could have two Dads and one Mom
BEGIN – Playful
MIDDLE – Ashamed
END – Boldly moves forward
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Supporting – Benny Arnold (Jax’s Dad)
Role – Antagonist
Core Character Traits – In the box, Money-focussed, Prestige motivated, Cold
Character Subtext Logline – If Jax doesn’t release his anger he’ll be just like his Dad in the end
BEGIN – pesty and demanding
MIDDLE – uncompromising
END – abashed by Jax refusal and Morty shaming
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Mary and Rich’s Character Profiles
What we learned doing this assignment is that there’s much room to make our characters deeper and more subtexty and thus interesting.
List your logline.
GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily teamed up in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
Create a Character Profile for each of your top five characters.
Morty
Role – Gen X Protagonist, laid off now student
Core Character Traits – Optimistic Pessimist, Stubborn, Nostalgic, Fatherly
Character Subtext Logline – doesn’t feel old yet constantly mentions age, may have waited too long to pursue his dreams
Want/Need: to accomplish something even if it is short-term
Character Arc: friendless to family
Secret: He has a lot of creative ideas, but uneven priorities
What makes this character unique? Never gives up, teasing dry sense of humor
Improvements: change Fatherly which is closee to nostalgic for him, to exhibitionist
Jax
Role – Gen Z Protagonist, Student who wishes to be elsewhere
Core Character Traits – loner, withdrawn, mellow, too nice to be ambitious
Character Subtext Logline – is at heart an old soul, trying to let go of anger to find peace, doesn’t like attention, yet has notable tattoos
Want/Need: to feel accepted and appreciated
Unique: is very even-keeled
Character Arc: scattered boy to responsible man
Improvements: change withdrawn to Fidgety, mellow to Justice seeking
Mz Bustamonte
Role – Teacher and Love Interest
Core Character Traits – air force grunt, direct, sexy mature, tough love
Character Subtext Logline – Although teaching kids, she doesn’t understand them well, tries boot camp learning method
Want/Need – to help create winning screenwriters, to live the military life
Secret – Thinks of herself as a Military Hemingway, finds Morty attractive even in his feeble attempts to date her
What makes this character unique? Called a ballbuster, she’s really a strong woman who gets what she needs
Improvements: change direct and sexy mature to ultra-feminine feminist, hard-boiled writer
Melanie
Role – Gen Z BFF and love interest
Core Character Traits – sweet, quiet strength, sympathetic, also an old soul like Jax
Character Subtext Logline – Stomped by the world, she is happy with her world including her precious but vulnerable Kyle
Want/Need – to live her life in peace and love with a little more stability
Secret – protective of her Mom who also has been kicked around
Improvements: change sympathetic to loyal and composed
Kyle
Role – child to be fathered by Morty and Jax
Core Character Traits – Precocious, direct, happy, adventurous
Character Subtext Logline – Opposite of Jax still sharing many traits
Flaw – Epileptic fits haunt his life
Want/Need – to be normal, to fly
Secret – wishes he could have two Dads and one Mom
Improvements: Change happy to moody
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Story Beats – ASSIGNMENT 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is elevating the beats of your story points out the discontinuities and allows you to create plug in solutions to the in progress early draft screenplay with minimal waste of time with non-structural elements.
**** Give us your logline.
GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily teamed up in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
Main Conflict: Can GenX and GenZ keep from killing each other as they try to integrate diverse opposing viewpoints, only to discover much common ground.
**** List the current beats of your script. Number them as I did above.
“Morty and Jax”
Act 1:
(1) INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
A cluster of feet stride by wearing Nike Airs, trendy flats, clogs and heals, than a pair of black Walmart gym shoes navigates through, quickly.
(2) INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
MORTY EIDER, 59 year-old male walks in carrying books, takes the only open seat in the back of the class, next to JAX ARNOLD, a 25 year-old psychobilly punker. The teacher, MS. BELLA BUSTAMONTE, enters and welcomes them to Screenwriting 101 class. She announces they’ll be paired up and graded together and there is a $500 college-wide annual contest tie in.
(3) INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Jax takes a phone call outside of class. He texts, “I’m assigned with an old loser.” Morty reads over his shoulder, “I’m not old, kid.” Implores him to get together to work tomorrow.
(4) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty, up at 5, dressed by 6, calls Jax. No reply. He leaves a message, Googles Jax’s number, gets his address and grabs his car keys.
(5) INT. CAR – DAY
Morty arrives at address. It’s a run down tenement. Strange.
(6) EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Morty sits on a bench watching students stream by. No Jax. Looks at his watch and heads towards the Arts Center Building.
(7) INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Jax sits at an easel in the back. The nude model who walks in is Morty. After striking poses, Morty jumps off the dais and heads towards Jax sans towel. Confronts “partner”. Jax who gets a threatening text from his father. “Get an A in all your classes or your funding is cut off.” Jax tells Morty he will meet with him that night at the diner.
(8) INT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
In a red vinyl booth, they disagree on their project theme, calling each other kid and old man. They make a truce and put money into a doggie bag each time one name calls. Waitress LOIS becomes arbitrator for their ideas. Morty wants “Shakespeare vs. Hitler” and Jax wants “Through the Alien Wormhole”. Lois sides with Jax. Morty buys dinner.
(9) EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT
Morty offers Jax a ride home in his rolling wreck named Mabel. Jax carries the doggie bag with some of their name-calling cash already inside.
(10) INT. CAR – NIGHT
Mabel sounds as loud as a airplane engine. Morty says his $250 share of the winnings will just cover the repair bill.
(11) INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
The next evening, Morty sits alone before class and tries to mish-mash Hitler-like Aliens and World War two airplanes in a wormhole. Students file in, including Jax. Bella gets everyone to come up and pitch. Morty and then Jax’s are both disasters.
(12) INT. DINER – NIGHT
Morty and Jax need to work but instead talk about dating apps. Morty is attracted to Ms. Bustamonte and would like to date her. Jax vows to help Morty with getting a date.
(13) EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 7:30 a.m. Morty is an early bird, Jax a night owl.
(14) INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty snoops finding recycled wall art d’object and Jax is the artist. Questioning him, Jax is cagey. Morty is offered espresso in demitasse cups. Morty finds out about that Jax family is rich. Jax bribes Morty to forget S vs H by picking out dating apps.
(15) EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
It’s a middle-class neighborhood. Jax is at his door at noon.
(16) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Jax snoops, finds a picture of woman and child, good Samaritan award, detailed model airplanes, and a record collection including Queen Bohemian Rhapsody. Jax teases and questions. Morty serves coffee, they riff on ideas to no avail.
(17) EXT. MORTY’S YARD – DAY
Morty convinces Jax to go out into the yard to play act one of his ideas to get unstuck. Morty takes out tools from his shed to demonstrate his idea, “Yard Wars” complete with Rake Plant Talker, RUDeet Spray, Princess Lettuce Organic, etc. It’s terrible.
(18) INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
Before class starts, Morty hurriedly sends a text to Ms. Bustamonte. He flubs it. “Ho Ms. Busty would you like a mate?”
(19) INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Damn spell checker. Morty and Jax realize his mistake. Ms. Bustamonte dings them.
(20) INT. DINER – NIGHT
Jax gets a call from his Dad, lies about seeing Melanie. Morty overhears, asks about her, but Jax is evasive and says she’s nobody. They work badly and agree to try again tomorrow. Morty will pick Jax up after his early art class, and, no, Morty will not be the model this time. Jax tells him he has an errand at Melanies first on the way to class.
ACT 2
(21) INT. MORTY’S CAR, MABEL – DAY
After finding out that he will be going to Melanie’s house and meeting her, Morty brings flowers. Jax tries to convince him that she is not his girlfriend.
(22) EXT. MELANIE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Morty recognizes the tenement he visited, a low rent neighborhood. They go through a security door, then to 202 – MELANIE, a tired looking 20 something, answers.
(23) INT. MELANIE’S APPARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Melanie beams about the flowers. KYLE, an eight-year old boy, runs in and instantly takes to Morty, showing him his airplanes. They go play. Jax and Melanie talk. Jax dismisses Morty, Melanie scolds him.
(24) INT. KYLE’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Morty and Kyle are on the floor playing with the airplanes. Jax watches them. The usual teasing. Melanie calls them to have tea.
(25) INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Melanie, Jax and Morty sit down for tea. They chat. Morty confesses to being laid off and not being able to get a job. Melanie asks Morty if he has any kids, but before he can answer, they hear a loud bang from the other room.
(26) INT. KYLE’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Melanie, Jax and Morty dash to Kyle’s bedroom. Kyle is having an epileptic fit. Jax and Melanie console him. Morty gets a glass of water. Kyle is embarrassed. Morty cheers him up.
(27) INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that he has epilepsy. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
(28) INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Although dismal, they are starting to add fresh ideas about what they know.
(29) EXT. STREET – DAY
Morty parks in the only spot open, Mabel, his car, limping in with a loud roar and puff of smoke.
(30) EXT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with Kyle, who begs to get together soon. Melanie says there is a local air show over the weekend and they can have a picnic together. Morty tells them that last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
(31) INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
They discuss their project, jokes flying back and forth. They seem to be working together better now. Also, they talk about each of their relationships.
Morty and Jax are driving to class. It is the evening after Morty’s date. It went well. He will bring her to the air show.
(33) INT. CLASSROOM – NIGHT
Ms. Bustamonte is building a structure of bricks to demonstrate talking about structure. How one brick relies on the other to support it. Morty figures out Jax’s secret, that he is helping Melanie and Kyle using the money that his father gives him.
(34) EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
A panoramic view of the air show, with a control tower. In the tower, field commander, BENNY ARNOLD, who is Jax’s Dad, looks out at the activity.
At one booth Bella Bustamonte is a flight demonstrator getting ready to present.
(35) INT. MORTY’S CAR – DAY
Morty, Jax, Melanie and Kyle arrive.
(36) EXT. MORTY’S CAR- CONTINUOUS
They pop out of the car. Morty whispers to Jax to tell Melanie that he likes her. Morty’s date will arrive later.
(37) EXT. AIR SHOW – CONTINUOUS
Morty and Kyle wander off to see the planes. Jax tries to tell Melanief how he feels but fails. Jax’s Dad appears and chides Jax for being with Melanie. Morty and Kyle rejoin them. Jax’s father Benny Arnold doesn’t like Morty, they argue. he threatens to cut off the money. Jax leaves, Morty then confronts Jax’s Dad who stalks off.
Then, Bella Bustamonte appears, all think she’s Morty’s mystery date. But, it’s really Melanie’s mom. Jax doesn’t like it. He pulls Morty aside, while the others walk to a lecture. Jax confronts Morty. They argue. They decide to not work together anymore.
Act 3
(38) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty sulks as he looks at his picture of a woman and child.
(39) INT. JAX’S APPARTMENT – CONTINOUS
Jax sulks as he looks at the picture of Melanie and Kyle.
(40) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – CONTINOUS
Morty sets down his coffee cup, loudly and tilts the picture face down onto the table.
(41) INT. JAX’S APPARTMENT – CONTINOUS
Jax surveys a coffee pot, a toy plane, a book of Shakespeare plays and a doggie bag filled with cash. He gets up and starts to move.
(42) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – CONTINOUS
The doorbell rings. It’s Jax, who confesses his rant meant putting lots of cash into the doggie bag. Morty is downcast sitting silent and still on his couch, tells of the accident that killed his wife and child. This class was a new start for him and he actually had some hope. Jax listens. They each apologize and bring the team back together.
(43) INT. MORTY’S CAR – THE NEXT DAY
Morty and Jax sit in his car outside of Melanie’s apartment. Morty forces Jax to go and tell Melanie how he feels.
(44) EXT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT PATIO / MORTY’S CAR – CONTINUOS
Jax has flowers. Morty encourages him from his car, waving him on. He calls Melanie, who appears on her patio. Jax tells Melanie he loves her. Morty, popping out his car door, tells them to kiss and get back here so they can finish their assignment together.
(45) INT. DINER – NIGHT
They are writing furiously, making changes over many cups of coffee.
(46) INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Everything is a wreck, but Morty has the latest computer equipment. They type “the end.” Morty and Jax press their fingers on the send key together to Bella Bustamonte’s address.
(47) INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – NIGHT
A nervous Morty says he can’t go into class. Tells Jax to go and find out the results and then meet him by Mabel, his car, in the parking lot.
(48) EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Jax tells Morty that they won, gives him $250. Morty is suspicious. Then other students come out celebrating the win. “The Sad Stupid Clown Story” won over “Yard Wars”. Jax says the cash is to fix Mabel so no death trap the next semester. Morty is surprised, Jax tells him next is Screenwriting Part 2 and there is another prize. And, guess what, Bella Bustamonte doesn’t teach that. It’s the start of a beautiful friendship, a la Casablanca.
**** Starting from the end, flag the beats that need help.
(27) INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
(32) INT. MORTY’S CAR – NIGHT
(34) EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
**** Tell us which beats you separated out and how you’ve changed
each of those beats.27 – Delete
32 – Convert into a classroom scene
34 – All telling, expository – up the ante here.
**** Also exploring changing from a Screenwriting Class to a Playwrite Class or a Love Of Science Class, with a similar play being produced for community theaster, OR a final science fair project ala National Science Fair replacing “Yard Wars” with perhaps a Time Travel experiment that goes horribly wrong, or the like.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Anyone interested in exchanging structures and today’s changes? We’d love to with someone, you can message us here or email at rc2784.janice@gmail.com
Mary and Rich Chamberlin
marynrich.com
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Mary and Rich’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that if any of the structure elements sag, the rest after will as well. Fixed a cliche part and it brought the rest into focus. We like this process, although it’s quite similar to Fresh and Edgy class as well as ProSeries module.
Tell us your logline.
GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily teamed up in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
Main Conflict: Can GenX and GenZ keep from killing each other as they try to integrate diverse opposing viewpoints, only to discover much common ground.
Opening: In their first night class Morty and Jax are rejected by a “posse” of students. Morty cracks corny jokes, and provokes negative reactions, while Jax withdraws and sips a Red Bull to keep himself awake.
Inciting Incident: The teacher Mz. Bustamonte announces the final grade in class will be based on a screenplay they develop in writing teams, and Morty and Jax are involuntarily matched after everyone else is taken. The next day, Morty can never find Jax to work with him. He starts on a trek to find him, eventually in an art class.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morty and Jax have drastically different takes on each other (“kid” and “old man”) as well as their movie genre.
They have the waitress decide; Morty loses and can’t go out of his comfort zone to consider GenZ things. Jax now leads but does he care enough to see this through?
First turning point at end of Act 1: As they outline, Jax has to keep explaining things. Morty confesses he was a workaholic before getting laid off so this is all new, but he really wants to impress the hot teacher. Jax argues the teacher says no dating students, so tells Morty he’ll get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler.
Mid-Point: Morty tries the new way (dating) and starts to see Jax’ point. Morty stumbles upon Jax’s relationship with Melanie and Kyle while visiting his house. He also sees some of Jax’s amazing collage/weaving wall hanging art work.
Jax is impressed with the instant fatherly way Morty relates to Kyle, and it makes him think differently about himself and Melanie/Kyle. Morty convinces Jax to tell Melanie how he feels about her.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Play acting their outline, they stumble on a whole new way to combining their interests, Yard Wars having fun with the whole process. (maybe including Melanie and Kyle) (In a sense, they are creating a new family.) With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take a writing break and have a picnic at the airshow. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
Crisis: Jax’s Dad, a bigwig at the airshow notices Jax driving in from his office as he debriefs Bella Bustamonte, an ex-air force flyer demonstrating planes today. Jax later sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s, but is surprised when Melanie’s mom is Morty’s date. Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, who saw him with Melanie and Kyle – he cuts off funds. Morty then tells the Dad off, after Jax leaves. Morty says to Jax’s Dad, “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue and Morty and Jax split stalking off their seperate ways.
Then Jax sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups – Jax goes wild, seeing this as like his Dad’s stern ways.
Jax goes to Morty’s house to apologize. Morty is in despair. He tells Jax about his dead wife and son. He is really down in the dumps. Jax convinces Morty to continue. They submit their screenplay to the contest.
Climax: Morty can’t stand to go into the classroom to find out the results. Morty waits by his old car, Mabel. Jax returns and announces that they won and offers him the money. But, just as Morty is about to rejoice and take it, some students stream out of class and mock them bragging about how the students in fact one and Morty and Jax lost. Morty refuses the money from Jax.
Resolution: Jax convinces Morty to take the money as a loan and that he wants Morty to repay by signing up with him for the next class. This is the start of a beautiful friendship a la Casablanca.
Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
The scene to elevate: Originally we had Morty finding Jax in an drawing class.—-We want to elevate this one by having Morty be the nude figure posing in the drawing class and inadvertantly stumbling upon Jax in the class. He confronts him still naked and gets Jax to agree to meet and work with him.
Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
The main purpose of that scene in the story is for Morty to trap Jax into committment, something that Jax has a problem with. Jax does commit. And Morty finds out that Jax’s real love is art. We feel that it would be more humorous to have Morty be the one posing nude for the class than a stereo-typical nude model.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Logline and One Page!
What we’ve learned doing this assignment is that a well thought out character sketch overlaps with dramatization – one feeds the other in a recurring process.
Logline: GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily paired in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
A little more than 1 page synopsis: What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty and the unusual teacher Mz. Bustamonte are the only ones above 20 in the whole class. When he walks to the back of the classroom, Morty sees the only open seat is next to a strange looking sleeping kid. He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment, to create a screenplay to enter in the Big Contest with $500 prize. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game. After class Jax is waiting outside, tells Morty forget about getting a good grade, but they agree to go to a diner to talk.
Morty and Jax argue back and forth. Morty calls Jax “kid.” Jax calls Morty “old man.” Agree to create a pot of money every time one uses those names. Exchange initial ideas, a “Shakespeare vs Hitler WW2 potboiler” or a “futuristic saga.” They can’t agree so they have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, Morty pays for dinner. Jax is introduced to Morty’s car, “Mabel”, as Morty offers to give “the kid” a ride home from class. Jax agrees, but when Morty starts the car Jax hears no muffler and senses a death trap, he wants to get out. Morty confides Mabel needs $250 or it’s the wreckers, so he must win.
Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 8 a.m. Morty is not a late night person, but an early bird. Jax is the opposite. Jax is groggy. Morty sees Jax’s apartment. Looks at his stuff, lingers on kid photo, then questioning Jax. One word answers. Finds out about his Dad, Jax is a rich kid with a fancy place. “Hey I don’t care about money – it never made my Dad happy.” That night Jax opens up a little in class to Morty. The Rest of students continue to snub them. All are asked to present their ideas. Jax presents but people look confused. “What’s the logline? the teacher asks. “Pitch me.” Morty gets up, and starts to tell but the class snickers as he presents. Back at his seat, Jax gives Morty the evil eye.
When the two start to outline, Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty, but says that the teacher is hot. Waitress hears and says that they’re not her type, but they’re both catches. Jax tries to get back on topic, but they find the waitress is right, each is single and unattached. To get back on topic, Jax bargains with Morty, says he will get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty will commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler. They’ll continue the outline in the morning, this time at Morty’s place.
Jax shows up at Noon, teases Morty about his place. “I’ll clean later, I’ve been working on the script.” Jax sees picture of Morty’s wife and child. Finds out about them being killed. Jax sees Morty in a new light. There is more to him than meets the eye. Feels for Morty at last, intros him to dating apps, bringing in new ideas. Each starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator. Morty hates apps says he likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to plan asking her out electronically. Jax helps him “get with it” by learning texting, etc. Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo. Jax riles Morty for not doing the text right. Morty complains about the size of the keyboard on the phone for big fingers.
Jax gets a phone call and lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty – the Dad will wire him some cash. Morty “listens in”. “I thought you didn’t care about money.” Jax rebuffs him. As they become more like a team (family) they both start to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas.
Morty buys flowers for Melanie before they pop over for a quick errand. Morty charms Melanies epileptic kid Kyle with jokes and really hits it off. Jax gives her a check, brushes off Morty as just some old guy he is forced to work with. Melanie makes him apologize. Kyle loves WWII planes which Morty’s Dad flew, so Morty tells him amazing stories that the kid cant get enough of. Later when Kyle has a fit, Morty helps him thru, says “you were just flying in the clouds – you should’ve seen you.” Neither know that Melanie’s Mom will be the App date Morty will have soon.
Later Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with her son, Kyle. Kyle begs to get together soon, Melanie relents. Morty says we’ll go flyin’, maybe in a big grass field. There is a local air show over the three day weekend and maybe they all can go. Jax hears/sees Morty in a new light. Morty beams, tells last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
However, Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now they write their script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration.
Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son during their presentation. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news. Morty gives Jax a ride to school. Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. He texts well, things good with this mystery woman. Morty asks Jax if Kyle is actually his son. Jax says no, they are all just good friends. Besides what does it really matter—his blood family never did anything good for him anyways.
They work after class on scenes. A whole new idea combining their concepts, Yard Wars, with characters like Weedblocka and Dark Spader. With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take a writing break and have the Picnic then. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
Jax’s Dad, who is a bigwig at the airshow presenting corporate stuff, notices Jax driving in. Bella Bustamonte is with him, she’s an ex-air force flyer demonstrating planes today. Jax sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s. But then, he is surprised when Melanie’s mom shows up and is Morty’s date.
Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, because he sees him with Melanie and Kyle. Dad cuts off funds. Morty tells the Dad off, too, after Jax leaves on the sly.
Says “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue, then he sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be a father He feels sympathy but work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, then her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest.
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel. Jax professes how stupid this is. Before returning to work on the play, Morty insists that they do one thing first. Jax goes to Melanies apartment, stands below her balcony. Rings her on the cell phone, and tells her to step out. Melanie says this is crazy, but Jax tells her that Morty insists. Morty waits in the car. Jax professes his love for Melanie and wants more. He has no more of his father’s money. Melanie says that all she ever wanted was Jax.
M&J pull it together and work over many cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The next day Morty’s place is completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc. Morty is the one who presses the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox and the contest.
The following week, Morty is too nervous to see the results. He waits in the schoolyard. Jax does and approaches Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share. Wrong! In truth, they lost. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!”
Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel….. then they count their ka-ching money and it’s exactly $250. Jax gets Morty to sign up for Screenwriting 102. MORTY: “I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP.” JAX: THEY ALREADY USED THAT LINE IN CASABLANCA. BUT KEEP IT UP. With the class over Bella Bustamante can date Morty, show them flying off to Las Vegas. Jax Dad relents, and he buys the Diner, which becomes “JAX AND MEL’S DINER” With a food truck in the Alley, Kyle’s Not-so-Plane Sandwiches.
Show the Yard Wars script made into a movie over the ending credits.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Hi, we’re Mary and Rich Chamberlin, a husband and wife partner team who are SWU ProSeries 75 Alumni who’ve written 5 screenplays together, the latest ONCE UPON THREE THIEVES is a quarterfinalist in New Voices in Animation 2021 contest. We are award winning children’s book authors praised by actresses Jennifer Garner and Mary Louise Parker, and creators of Graphic Novels including “Power Poodle and Danger Dog” coming Fall 2021 thru Hero Initiative.
A fun fact about us is that we often sculpt our book characters in porcelain to give us a better feel for them. We also have a Kooikerhondje pet, please google if you want to see a very cute dog!
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As members of this group, we individually and together agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Mary and Rich’s Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is that this marks the beginning of the iterative rewrite process, now will keep applying the questions for all the parts in the draft 2.
1. Read your script while making improvements.
Specifically focus on the following:
A. Improve the flow.B. Improve the clarity.C. Improve the description.D. Improve the dialogue.
2. Tell us the main improvements you made in your script.
Shifted several scenes and trimmed one, filled in outline notes for several others that we’d skipped in last lesson. Edit process continues, will finish adding those today. Making a cohesive timeline, and starting to amp up the humor which has been seeded but not fully developed.
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Mary and Rich Solved Scene Problems!
What I learned doing this assignment is that there were scene issues not caught during initial write, and these questions really helped ferret the areas out quickly and easily.
Look through your script and identify any scenes that have any of these four problems.
A) Basic Scene ProblemsB) Weak ScenesC) Situations Don’t Challenge CharactersD) Cliché Scenes
2. For any scene problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
FIXES:
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: SCENES OF MORTY TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH JAX. HE PHONE CALLS-NEVER ANSWERS, HE CALLS AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: MORTY STAKES OUT THE SCHOOL ENTRANCE, SPOTS JAX AND FOLLOWS HIM INTO HIS OTHER CLASS ART 301. MORTY WHISPERS IN BACK, A NUDE MODEL COMES IN TO BE SKETCHED. MORTY COMMENTS, TEACHER SAYS EXCUSE ME, MORTY SAYS JUST AUDITING. JAX DRAWS AND IGNORES MORTY, WHO PESTERS JAX INTO MEETING AT DINER TONIGHT TO PLAN SCREENPLAY AFTER NIGHT CLASS, THEN LEAVES.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: JAX GETS A PHONE CALL FROM HIS FATHER. GET AN “A” IN THE CLASS AND PASS AND HIS FATHER WILL FUND JAX’S ART GALLERY.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: DIALOGUE OF MORTY SURPRISED THAT JAX SHOWED UP—-THEN, THEY TALK, THEN BRIDGE BELOW TO THE KA-CHING BET JAR/DOGGIE BAG.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: PUT IN A SCENE WHERE MORTY IS GOING TO DRIVE JAX HOME FROM THE DINER. THIS IS A SCENE WITH MABEL, HIS BROKEN DOWN CAR WITH THE ULTRA-LOUD MUFFLER. JAX ARGUES THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO GET INTO THE CAR–IT’S NOT SAFE. MORTY ARGUES THAT IT’S NOT SAFE TO WALK HOME LATE AT NIGHT. MUFFLER OR MUGGER, WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE. THEY ARGUE IN THE CAR AND MORTY REVEALS THAT WITH HIS WINNINGS HE WOULD LIKE TO GET A NEW MUFFLER FOR MABEL. HE CAN’T NOW, BECAUSE HE LOST HIS JOB–HE WAS EXCESSED/LAID OFF.
PLACEHOLDER: YOU COULD PUT ANOTHER SCENE IN HERE IN THE CLASSROOM. THEY LEARN ANOTHER CONCEPT. MORTY TRIES TO PRESENT HIS IDEA, BUT THEN JAX PRESENTS HIS. THE TEACHER CAUTIONS THEM THAT THEY HAVE TO DECIDE TOGETHER ON SOMETHING. ——
THIS WOULD REQUIRE MOVING THE SCENE LIKE THIS THAT MORTY DOES SOMEWHERE BELOW TO HERE.
PLACEHOLDER: They go outside to backyard, and begin to play act a superhero fight scene with brooms and sticks, etc. (See NOTE Pg 3) They complain that the weeds are taking over, and see neighbors lawn being landscaped with poison chemicals, they run back inside to safety.
PLACEHOLDER: Add classmates details here and in this scene, maybe even a line of two for a couple of oddball nerdy ones.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: THIS IS WHERE WE PUT THE HALF PLUS SEVEN RULE FOR DATING SOMEONE.
ALSO, WE CAN PUT IN THE SCENE WHERE MORTY SAYS HE CAN GO ANONYMOUS AS LONG AS THEY DON’T SEE HIS FACE, BUT THE INTERNET ALREADY HAS AN AGE AND PROFILE ON HIM. DAMN.
PLACEHOLDER: Back at car, add description of how rusty and beat up Mabel is.
PLACEHOLDER: They get angrier and launch into a stream of “old man” and “kid” and worse. They are on surveillance cam so later Jax can count up how many they used, and bill Morty.
PLACEHOLDER: Melanie returns with Kyle, Looks like its gonna rain. Kyle keeps saying “she’s great” Morty says Who? “Major Bella, of course. You two would be great together Uncle Morty. After kid leaves, Morty cries, “Bella!”PLACEHOLDER: Beef up scene, too short now. Also need to add that Jax asks Morty if he still is dating Melanies Mom. Morty says thats on hold.
MONTAGE – SHOW M&J SHOPPING FOR A NEW CELL PHONE FOR MORTY. THEN INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS, WITH HIMUSING THE NEW BELLS AND WHISTLES PHONE.
PLACEHOLDER – Oh no! That’s the delete key! Whew, I had autosave on. Hey why are the letter funny? It autosaved in Welsh! Don’t worry, I’ll run thru the Goggle translator. OK, the first paragraph was something like “Lawn ago, a yard away, was a happy heartwarming tale of war. What does the translator say? “A tale of heartburn out on the lawn.” Uh-oh.
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Rich and Mary’s Solved Character Problems!
What I learned doing this assignment is these questions pointed out several problems we hadn’t anticipated earlier. This is good – some of the ideas for solutions sound hilarious already, and add fodder to the humorous script.
1. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist. A buddy Movie – Each Protag is the others Antag, adding/enhancing their quirks and the impact on the other will improve this. Need to add.
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad. Not an issue here – both have redeeming strengths and quirks that irritate the other and probably the audience.
C. Weak character intros. Here their profiles are highlighted well in the intro, subtext for their fears, their quircks. The initial intro shows them as the odd-couple, paired together by default. No one else in the classroom wants Jax, the loser,
and Morty, the old guy.
D. Characters not in action. This is an issue – many classroom scenes and diner sessions working on their script. Solution – add quirks that exist (Morty calls Jax “penkiller!” or pencilkiller)—Morty eventually gives Jax a fidget spinner.
Also, in the diner Jax peels open the jelly packs while Morty talks, then slurps them down. This drives anal Morty crazy no end, but finally, Morty says that he appreciates the fact that Jax doesn’t want to inflate the bill.
Ditto other actions, the waitress hovers over them, spying on them or similar. Or even have Morty be a knitter, which seems odd then later at his place see amazing creations. Jax is a musician.
E. Protagonist journey not strong. Not an issue, here they have deep fears from their pasts that are masked. They unleash each others demons, confronting them, then finally they are fully in the new ways and freed.
F. All the characters seem the same. Limited cast, but all speaking parts are diverse characters in race, age, gender, etc.
G. Lead characters not present. Less than 10% of scenes don’t include main characters.
2. For any character problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
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Mary and Rich Solved Structural Problems
What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s a lot of work ahead. Lots of brainstorming still, but like the way the beat sheet has improved since day 5, now it sounds like a real movie could come out of this. Also like the questions, which force the writers to look objectively at the outline, and now go back and do the draft 2 changes to the script.
Act 1
Opening/Old Ways:
Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Yes, an older man and a younger punked out guy are pre-judged and rejected by the “posse” of students.
Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Both are, yes. Morty is a bit hesitant, being the only person over 50 on campus. Jax is adrift and apathetic.
Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? Morty cracks corny jokes, and provokes negative reactions
from the younger people, even from the teacher who is between the students and Morty’s age. Jax sits like a lump, nervously tapping his pencil, and nobody talks to him except Morty. He carries a Red Bull with him to force himself to keep awake.
Inciting Incident:
How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? Wwe want to see if Gen X and Gen Z can work together and not kill each other.
Turning Point:
How is this Turning Poing a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Morty loses the “bet” and must let go of his idea and go out of his comfort zone to new younger things. Jax now must lead the way with his idea winning, and be the one who cares enough to see thius through.
Act 2
New Plan:
What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? Morty tries to twist so his own idea goes into the script, but he has to get Jax, who is only mildly interested, to work with him. At first Jax doesn’t answer his 7 am calls, so he goes to Jax’s apartment. He pesters him into doing his half of the work, as he finds out more about his partner.
Plan in action:
How does the protagonist take action on that plan? They work together, dismally. Through their discussions, Jax finds out that Morty likes the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, dating app, etc. in exchange for following Jax’s space theme and dropping his own.
Midpoint Turning Point:
How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? Morty tries the new way (dating) and fails miserably. Jax is jealous of the instant fatherly way Morty relates to Kyle, and it makes him think about himself and Melanie/Kyle.
Act 3
React/Rethink:
What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Each sees the others POV a little better, and they are trying to be collaborative not competitive. More than just the screenplay, their lives are being improved by the help from the partner.
New Plan:
What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Morty doesn’t give up, goes on a second date. Jax starts talking more with Melanie personably, curious about her day, etc. They work harder, trying to find a theme that works well for both, its difficult but finally they find one – Yard Wars.
Turning Point:
The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. They meet at the big Air Show on a lovely day. Jax’s dad is the Commander of the Field, and Bella is a flying instructor, and it becomes a complete failure. Dad sees Melanie and threatens to cut off Jax money, Mortys new beau is revealed to be Melanies Mom, Bella also has Kyle following her which evokes anger from Jax. Starts an argument with Morty, about Melanies Mom – he can’t date her. Melanie argues with her Mom, saying Morty is too young for her. Morty and Jax call it a day, but only after revealing they’ve decided to stop working together on the screenplay, and drop the class.
Act 4
Dilemma:
What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice? Will Jax admit he was wrong about telling Morty who he can date, and feeling jealous about Melanie/Kyle, losing face with his father figure? Or will he just quit, as usual, and lose his new friend and remain aloof from Melanie and Kyle. Morty must accept that his dream to write a screenplay is over before it’s gotten off the ground, and lose his new friend Kyle who reminds him of his lost son. Or trust Jax to be more than the selfish person he had an argument with.
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict:
How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? By dropping their guard and old prejudices, they take a big step forward and trust each other, resulting in happiness for them both. With the screenplay, they seemingly win, but it’s a false facade. They need to work on it more.
Resolution:
How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? Rather than succumbing to their fears, they continue the journey, knowing that together they bring out the best in the other, and that success in life is a process not a destination.
New Ways:
What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? Each has completed the journey to the new ways, even at the end they are tugged back toward the old but they cannot return to that ever. They trust one another and move ahead, and things looks bright going forward. Being a comedy, there is the screwball ending with Mory having to “shape up” for Bella, and you know she will put in her two cents about “Yard Wars” as he goess through class 2.
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Rich and Mary Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is we cant believe we missed these in first draft, but the process is easy to fill the gaps.
1. Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
2. For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
3. Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
4. Tell us what scenes you added and why.
These are the scenes with outline:
1 – EXT. CAR – DAY
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel. Jax professes that they should be working and how stupid this is.
Morty insists that they do this first. Jax goes to Melanies apartment. Stands below her balcony.
Rings her on the cell phone, and tells her to step onto the balcony. Melanie says this is crazy, but Jax tells her that
Morty insists on it. Morty waits in the car. Jax proceeds to profess his love for Melanie and wants a relationship that is more.
He tells her, he doesn’t have any more of his father’s money, though. Melanie says that all she ever wanted was Jax.
2 – INT. – DINER – NIGHT
They pull it together and work over thousands of cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The waitress is there as well. Jax’s father
texts him and has remorse about cutting off his son. He says he will continue to help him. The two now have seen each other differently
and work well together, even switching ideas and behaviors.
3 – PLACEHOLDER MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
4 – INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Over Morty’s now completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc., Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox. They finish, entering the contest.
high speed first draft for each:
1 – INT. CAR – DAY
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel outside of Melanie’s apartment.
JAX: This is crazy. We should be working.
MORTY: Come on, what kind of space warrior are you anyhow?
JAX: A lame-o one.
MORTY: Well, you just walk through that wormhole and when you come out, you’ll be better than Rake Planttalker.
JAX: Come on Morty. What does it matter?
MORTY: Get out of the car. Go. Now, young Planttalker.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Jax opens the squeeky car door. He looks back at Morty through the open window.
JAX: Can you give me some lines?
MORTY: This is not Cyrano. Go.
Jax walks up to Melanie’s apartment. Her balcony is on the first level and juts out into the lot. Jax pulls out his cell phone.
He punches in the number and waits.
Jax (Into Phone): Yeah, hi, Mel. Uh, I..could you just come out onto your balcony for a minute? Yeah, okay. Bye.
Jax stuffs the phone back into his pocket. The sliding door opens. Melanie is on the balcony.
MELANIE: Jax, what’s this?
JAX: Yeah, hi Melanie. I uh.
Jax fidgets and looks at Morty still in the car. Morty sticks his hand out the window with a wave and a point.
JAX: I can’t count ways. I mean there are countless ways. Uh, like how many ways…
MELANIE: Jax, what’s going on? Why don’t you just come in?
JAX: No. No. Look Melanie. I’m not the best geek around, but…..
MELANIE: Jax, I’m coming out there.
JAX: No. No. Wait. Melanie. I love you.
MELANIE: What?
JAX: I know, I’m not the most classiest guy for you, and I’m not getting any of my Dad’s money anymore, but
I probably, eventually, yeah, most certainly will get a job. I just, I love you. I hope you can love me too.
MELANIE: Well, that’s a lot of words, but you are a writer. Jax, I love you too. I’ve been waiting. And I don’t need your money
nor your Dad’s. I love you because you are you.
JAX: Really? Uh, I mean. You do?
INT. CAR – DAY
MORTY: Oh, for cripes sake. Do I have to teach the kid everything? Won’t tell him about that ka-ching.
Morty opens the car door and steps out.
MORTY: (he waves) Hi, Melanie.
MELANIE: (waves back) Hi Morty.
MORTY: Jax, get up there and seal it with a kiss. Then, get your sorry butt back here. We’re on a deadline. Sorry Melanie.
Jax squishes through the bushes with some difficulty, leans over and Melanie and Jax kiss. He then, backs away trying to fix
the crushed bushes.
JAX: I’ll fix those later. Gotta’ go. See you later, Mel.
MELANIE: Always, Jax.
Jax stumbles back to the car, waving and smiling, gets in and noisy Mabel drives off.
2. INT. DINER- NIGHT
Morty and Jax ponder over papers and laptops strewn about the table.
MORTY: I think Weedblocka should fight for the organic compounds.
JAX: Maybe he goes through the wormhole with Hand Soaker to collect Layla’s Organics?
MORTY: Hey, I like that. A fight for the rebels of the garden planet.
Jax types into the computer. The waitress, Lois, comes over with more coffee.
WAITRESS: So, have we got the next award-winner yet?
MORTY: We’re working on it. We’re on Act Two.
WAITRESS: How many acts in a play?
JAX: Four.
WAITRESS: When’s it due?
MORTY: Next week.
WAITRESS: I better go make some more coffee.
Jax’s phone dings with the alert of a text. He picks it up.
JAX: Ahh. Huh. My Dad says he will keep financing me, as long as I continue school.
MORTY: Oh, well. That’s good, right?
JAX: I guess it’s his way of saying he’s sorry, though I’d never hear it from him.
MORTY: Some people just don’t know how. Maybe we should use that in our screenplay?
JAX: Yeah, Dark Pavers, was sorta written after him.
MORTY: I think we should make sure our characters fail then save the day in a triumphant battle.
JAX: Morty. Yeah. Now you’re talking. And they can be kind of be poetic along the way.
The two toast each other with a cup of coffee.
3 – MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
4 – INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty’s house now is decked out with a big computer area, with a big screen, speakers, etc. All kinds of the newest electronic stuff.
Morty and Jax sit side by side at the computer.
JAX: And so Rake Lawntalker, Layla Organic, Hand Soaker, and Weedblocka walk up the stairs to the town hall, triumphant music playing.
MORTY: And Layla and Hand kiss and she says, I loam you Hand. He says, I ho.
JAX: The end.
For a minute, Morty and Jax sit quietly, reveling in the fact that they finished.
JAX: We did it. Only thing left to do is press send. Morty?
Morty raises his hand to the key and stops.
MORTY: Let’s do it together, partner.
The two of them press their pointer fingers on the key, sending it along.
Over Morty’s now completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc., Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox. They finish, entering the contest.
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Mary and Rich’s Act 4 Resolution
What I learned doing this assignment is now we can celebrate! It feels great to be at this point, ready for the next steps.
1. Outline Key Scene 4.
EXT – PARKING LOT OF SCHOOL – NIGHT
In truth, they lost. The $250 “winnings share” is mostly the ka-ching money, and the rest Jax’s last savings. Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!” Jax tells Morty that there is a Screenwriting Two class. Maybe they can sign up and try again.
Morty says, “we’ll flip for it.”—-whether they should SIGN UP FOR SCREENWRITING TWO.
Jax and Morty both call heads in the air— we do it — “It’s heads.” Together: “You’re kidding!” Together: “Ka-ching!”
AFTER – OVER CREDITS SHOW THE YARD WARS SCRIPT MADE INTO A STUDENT MOVIE
SCENE:
MORTY: Good thing Bella Bustamonte wasn’t judging or I may have to play hard to get. And, hey, you trying to pawn off
$250 dollars not winnings on me.
JAX: C’mon Morty. The needs of Mabel outweigh the needs of two. Besides, I don’t want to ride in a coughing factory for the whole next semester.
MORTY: What are you talking about?
JAX: There’s a Screenwriting Two class, partner. And there’s another prize.
MORTY: What about losers quitting.
JAX: I don’t see any losers here.
It starts to rain, albeit a gentle rain in the fog. They turn to walk towards Mabel.
MORTY: Jax, I think this is a start of a beautiful friendship.
JAX: They already used that line in Casablanca, Morty.
MORTY: Average writers plagarize. Great writers steel.
JAX: Oscar Wilde.
MORTY: Jax? (Morty chuckles)
They open the doors to Mabel and both get in. Drive off to the loud smoking sounds of Mabels muffler.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Act 4 Climax
What I learned doing this assignment is that it feels great to get a first draft inot the home stretch. Still making changes so can make it mostly cohesive, but more to follow in rewrites that follow.
1. Outline Key Scene 3.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Morty and Jax are walking to the last day of class. Morty stops short. He refuses to go in. Jax and Morty have an argument discussion.
All about, everything that’s cascaded towards them these last 4 months. Morty admits that he is too afraid, too chicken to go into class. He will wait in
the parking lot next to Mabel. Jax must go it alone, be brave, and enter class, as Morty waits in the hallway for Jax to come out.
Jax does and approaches Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share. Morty sees something on Jax face, surprises Jax by pulling out his new cell phone (previously a dumb phine where had to press multiple keys to create a simple text) – his new EyePhone 2001. He looks up the contest, sees that they are NOT the winners. “You have some ‘splaining to do.”
NOTE: A SEMESTER IS 4 MONTHS LONG
2. Write Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Morty and Jax are walking through to the last day of their class. Morty stops short.
MORTY: I can’t do it.
JAX: What are you talking about?
MORTY: I can’t go in there.
JAX: You kidding me?
MORTY: No. And ka-ching.
Jax rifles through his pocket. Picks out a dollar.
JAX: Oh, for cripes sakes.
He stuffs the dollar in their backpack.
JAX: After all we’ve been through, now you’re going to play chicken on me.
MORTY: I just can’t take another defeat.
JAX: Who says we’re defeated? You don’t even know whether or not we’ve won.
MORTY: I don’t know Jax. Maybe it was all too much to dream for. Maybe dreams really don’t come true.
JAX: And maybe they do. C’mon, Morty, don’t go ape shit on me.
MORTY: Nope. Nope. Meet me out in the parking lot. I’ll be waiting by Mabel.
Jax continues down the hall. He pulls open the door to the class, looks back at Morty. Goes in.
Morty turns and walks the opposite way.
Outside the old Hall of the College, on a concrete bench Morty sat and fidgeted. He keeps looking at his watch and then at the trees and sky.
Finally Jax emerges from the door, with a big smile on his face. Morty perks up – this is a good sign!
JAX: Hello, winner partner.
MORTY: You wouldn’t kid an old man, would you.
JAX: Morty, really. A double ka-ching?
MORTY: Finally, I can’t believe these last months.
JAX: Next stop, hollywood! (fidgets a bit himself, looks away). Here’s your $250.
MORTY: Wait a minute. How long have we known each other?
JAX: About 4 months.
MORTY: You can’t fool me. Where’s your cut?
JAX: In my pocket, now take it.
Just then, a rival group of students comes up behind them celebrating waving a check.
BILLY: Hey losers, we won!
SARAH: Yeah, cool, huh?
MORTY: What?
BILLY: See ya’ in Hollywood. Not.
They walk off.
Morty pulls his hand away from the $250 that Jax is trying to give him.
MORTY: What the…? The Sad Stupid Clown won over Yard Wars? That was the lamest idea ever.
JAX: There’s no accounting for taste.
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Mary and Rich’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is to face the ending straight on, seeing how the characters rebound from the setback and possibly turn it all around, and what will happen if they can’t win after all.
1. Outline for Key Scenes 1 and 2
INT – MORTY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Work has stopped, they will fail. Morty almost relapses to despair, visits with the memory of his lost wife and kid. Realizes things are for shit – no job, no relationship, and his partner is in a pit of despair also. He’s sees he’s gotta right things, not sure if can save himself, but can help Jax by being the father he once was for Jax since his has written him off.
INT – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax accepts Dad’s money has stopped, and he recalls Melanies panic. Then he recalls her Mom saying shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road, for good. So Jax realizes his pain is the feeling of – responsibility. Responsibility to Melanie, Kyle, and Morty. He doesn’t run away, but does head out – to Morty’s place.
INT – MORTY’S APARTMENT – DAY
They come together to try to regroup. Morty accepts he’s alone, Jax accepts responsibility. Now they must win the contest,
or even that won’t work, and all will be lost.
2. Write Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
3. Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma.
INT.-MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty sits on his couch. In front of him on his coffee table is a picture of a woman and a child.
He drinks a cup of coffee, silently staring.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jax sits on his couch. He is throwing darts at a dartboard across the room. Empty cans of seltzer water are
strewn about him along with empty bags of junk food.
INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty clinks his coffee cup onto its saucer with a loud silent-breaking chink. He touches the picture of his wife
and child, then, tilts it face down on the table.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jax sits, his gaze catching things in his apartment.
A coffee pot.
A toy plane.
A book of Shakespeare plays.
Finally, the kitty. The odd-shaped bank that holds their “ka-ching” dollars.
Jax moves from stillness. His foot steps on an empty bag, causing a loud crinkle.
Jax gets up and kicks one of the empty seltzer cans.
INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
The doorbell rings. Morty looks. He slowly gets up to answer it.
Swinging the door open, he finds Jax, holding the “ka-ching” jar.
Morty backs away retreating to his couch.
Jax enters.
JAX: I had to put five dollars in.
Morty doesn’t answer.
JAX: (continues) After I finished cursing you up and down. On my honor.
Jax sees the picture face down on the table. He sits across from Morty and picks it up.
JAX: Morty, this your wife and kid?
MORTY: Ka-ching.
JAX: Like usual, I guess I was too afraid to go there.
MORTY: All of us find ways to hide, until we finally decide that hiding’s for rabbits and voles. After they died
in the car accident, I hid in my work. But, now that works gone, I’m finally coming out of the den. Until–
JAX:–Morty. I’m sorry. I was, am a stupid kid.
MORTY: Yeah, you got yourself another ka-ching.
JAX: Sheesh. I need to get more dollars at the drive through. Look Morty, I’m in. How about you?
MORTY: I’m in Jax.
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Rich and Mary Chamberlin’s Finish Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is we like hpow this is progressing, again we’ll need to review again in round of rewrites but we’re adding hooks that will become part of the marketing campaign for the script once we are done.
1. Outline remaining scenes.
Scene 1 ——————————————————————————–
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
MORTY TEASES JAX ABOUT “HIS GIRLFRIEND.” JAX BITES BACK AT MORTY. Then, there is a rethinking of everything – Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now writing the actual script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration between the two. In being helped (caring) and helping his partner, he helps the screenplay progress
Scene 2
INT. CAR- NIGHT
Morty gives Jax a ride to school. Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. He texts well, things good with this mystery woman. Morty asks Jax if Kyle is actually his son. Jax says no, they are all just good friends. Besides what does it really matter—his blood family
never did anything good for him anyways. The two argue over Morty’s car, Mabel, as well. They joke about the money winnings. Take off the muffler intensive care list.
2. Write remaining scenes
Scene 1
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty and Jax are sprawled out on the couch, bouncing ideas that still don’t gel, still disagreement, but they’re trying.
MORTY: Why don’t we ask Melanie to help us with the script? I’ll bet Kyle would have a penny or two to throw in.
JAX: A penny? Do they even have those anymore? I’d agree, but this is supposed to be just the two of us.
MORTY: We got the waitress input, that was OK. Damn, where were we? Oh yeah, Space, the Vinyl Frontier. Because we can’t afford leather.
JAX: Yuck yuck. We should Google what happens when a Quark and a Meson implode in the vacuum of space.
MORTY: Do you think a vacuum cleaner even works in space? Mine barely works on my old carpets, let alone messes.
JAX: OK, lets just add a Super Nova event horizon engulfing our space heroes and throwing them back in time to…
MORTY: World War Two! Brilliant. To Stratford-Upon-Avon, to see the Globe Theater.
JAX: This is nuts. maybe we should get Melanie to referee for us.
MORTY: Nah, she’s partial to you. I seen that sparkle in her eyes when you’re around.
JAX: Yeah, it’s not like that. You don’t know the story.
MORTY: But I can connect the dots. She and that kid think you’re a Super Nova yourself.
JAX: Ka-ching. We’re getting quite a haul in the penalty jar, even if the script is languishing. Melanie and Kyle are family to me, not that family ever did much for me before.
MORTY: You’d be surprised, wait’ll you get your own. Maybe these two are the ones. You’re lucky, you get to choose.
JAX: I’m still a Kid, I don’t need responsibilities yet.
MORTY: But, Ka-Ching, you already are responsible, aren’t ya? Kyle looks a lot like you kid.
JAX: Ka-Nope, it’s not like that. Ching.
MORTY: Could’ve fooled me. None of my business anyway. I wonder if those New Trinos from the Super Nova are better than the old ones from the past?
JAX: How’d you…Oh, who knows?
Scene 2 —————————————————————–
INT. CAR- NIGHT
Morty picks up Jax to give him a ride to school.
JAX: So? You sure have a space ship-eating grin after your big date. How is Bella?
MORTY: I tell you, it ain’t her. You should’ve seen – suave, de-boner. Suit and tie, her in a nice taffeta dress, then the Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. We even did some text-teasing after the date. What a woman! I tell you, … Jax, I’m starting to like these Apps and tech.
JAX: Ok, I guess. Anyway, Mabel seems to be barking a bit today.
MORTY: Oh, she’s got some indigestion from the last filling.
JAX: Well, with your half of the contest winnings, you could get her a lung transplant.
MORTY: Maybe evem take her off the muffler intensive care list.
JAX: An old man can dream.
MORTY: Ka-ching!
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Rich and Mary Chamberlin’s Act 3 Turning Point
What I learned doing this assignment is that when running short on time, powerhousing through is far preferrable to procrastinating and waiting for enough time to complete it “right.” This is moving us ahead in a professional way, and breaks it up into bite size pieces (as time seems to come to us in these small increments).
1. Outline Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3.
Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces their lowest low.
EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
Jax’s Dad, who is a bigwig at the airshow presenting corporate stuff, notices Jax driving in. Bella Bustamonte is with him, she’s an ex-air force flyer demonstrating planes today. Jax sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s. But then, he is surprised when Melanie’s mom shows up and is Morty’s date. Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, because he sees him with Melanie and Kyle. Dad cuts off funds. Morty tells the Dad off, too, after Jax leaves on the sly. Says “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue, then he sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
2. Write Turning Point 3 – Protagonist faces their lowest low.
EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
It’s a lovely spring day, perfect for air shows and picnics. From his perch in the control tower, Air Force Reserve Major BENNY ARNOLD takes in the vintage planes being wheeled out of the hangar. He will make some money for the Air Show Committee today, he is certain. People are already coming through the public gate in droves, to spend the day on the grounds, buy drinks and eats at the food concession, and in general spend, spend, spend.
At one booth, BELLA BUSTAMONTE is getting ready to present, looking through her notes.
A car pulls into one end of the parking lot. The loud muffler could be heard across the field. It is Morty’s car Mabel.
INT. CAR – DAY
MORTY: Okay, here we are. Air Show A-Roony. Everyone out.
KYLE: Yeah, man!
The doors of the car creak open. Out piles, Morty, Jax, Melanie and Kyle.
MELANIE: Don’t run ahead. You stay with us.
KYLE: Aww, mom.
MORTY: My date is supposed to meet us at the Spitfires at three. In the meantime, let me show you those WW11 planes, Kyle.
They’re the best. Come over here with me.
Morty whispers to Jax.
MORTY: (whispering) Now’s a good time to tell Melanie how you feel, bro.
Morty and Kyle wander over to some of the planes leaving Jax and Melanie.
JAX: It’s great he’s having a good time.
MELANIE: Morty’s a lot of fun, Jax. How’s the screenplay going?
JAX: Okay, I guess. Just movin’ along. You know Mel–
MELANIE: -bet it’s a hoot working together. Wish I had someone like that.
JAX: Melanie, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, I was thinking that–
Kyle comes running back to them.
KYLE: Mom, you should see the noses on those planes. Painted with busty women and everything.
MELANIE: Kyle!
MORTY: Wasn’t me, although I’ve painted Rita Hayworth on a vintage bomber once for my Dad. All him.
KYLE: Aww, mom, you should be more like Morty, not so old-fashioned.
Kyle pulls Melanie to see the planes.
MORTY: (To Jax) Well?
JAX: Well what? You came back so fast I didn’t have a chance.
MORTY: What’s the matter? Move like an old man. And no buck, I said it.
JAX: Let’s catch up.
They follow them to the planes, and catch up. But when they turn around, they run right into Benny Arnold, Jax’s dad.
JAX: Uh….
BENNY ARNOLD: Jax?
MORTY: Hello.
JAX: Uh, Morty, this is Major Benny Arnold. My dad.
They exchange handshakes.
JAX: You already know Melanie and Kyle.
BENNY ARNOLD: Yes.
MORTY: Oh, Mr. Arnold. Your son is a great writing partner. He sure will go far.
BENNY ARNOLD: Hmm. Jax, can I talk to you for a second.
Benny and Jax move a bit away from them.
BENNY ARNOLD: What’s going on Jax?
JAX: What do you mean?
BENNY ARNOLD: What’s with this old guy?
JAX: Who? Morty?
BENNY ARNOLD: I thought I’m sending you to school to excel, work with the best. Isn’t he kind of old for school?
JAX: Morty?
Mr. Arnold relentlessly continues.
BENNY ARNOLD: And if I told you once, I’ll tell you again. Ditch that Melanie and her son. They’re nothing but mooches.
Jax getting angrier by the minute.
JAX: Now listen up, Dad. Morty is a good guy which is more than I can say for you. And, Melanie and Kyle are better than
anything you’ve ever dealt up on your platter of properness. I’m not a traitor. You certainly live up to your name.
BENNY ARNOLD: I’m cutting off the money. You obviously can’t be responsible.
JAX: I don’t care Dad. Keep your bribes. I don’t need them.
Jax walks away. Morty, having heard a bit, approaches Mr. Arnold.
MORTY: My father was 39 when he was in World War 11. And one day, this young pup fresh out of high school shows up. My dad teaches him code just like
the pros. He sits there quietly most of the time, but he learns the code. Turns out the young pup ends up saving 20 planes by transmitting the code just at the right time. Life surprises all the time.
Morty walks away and right into Bella Bustamonte.
MORTY: Ms. Bustamonte, what are you doing here?
Morty is joined by Jax, Melanie and Kyle.
JAX: (whispering to Morty) Morty, you dog. I knew it was her.
MORTY: No–
JAX:-Ms. Bustamonte, Morty is an expert on airplanes. Aren’t you Morty?
MORTY: Well–
MS. BUSTAMONTE: Why, how about that. I am an expert on the F16, my plane. Air Force Major Bustamonte, Busty, they used to call me. Oh, sorry.
(looking at Kyle)
KYLE: See I told you it was natural.
MORTY: You, an Air Force Major?
MS. BUSTAMONTE: Retired – now reserves.
JAX: That’s super. You two are going to have so much fun together.
MS. BUSTAMONTE: I don’t date students.
MORTY: Us?
Just then, Melanie’s Mom, shows up.
MELANIE’S MOM: There you are, Morty. I got here a little early. Decided to find you in the crowd.
MELANIE: Mom?
JAX: Mrs. —–
MS. BUSTAMONTE: I’m almost on. Presenting on the F16. Come take a look, maybe good research for your screenplay, hey guys.
She walks a way.
MELANIE: Mom—
MELANIE’S MOM: I didn’t know you knew my daughter, Morty. Shall we go to the speech?
Jax pulls Morty aside.
JAX: What is this, Morty? She’s your date?
MORTY: Yeah. What of it?
JAX: No, Morty. It’s just not right. You can’t date Melanie’s mom.
MORTY: Why not?
JAX: It’s just not done. It’s weird. It’s crazy.
MORTY: What, you don’t wanna’ double date, or what? Really, Jax, you’re not thinking right.
JAX: I’m not thinking right, you’re not.
MORTY: That’s stupid.
JAX: Well, if I’m so stupid then maybe we shouldn’t be working together. I’m outta’ here.
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Rich and Mary Chamberlin’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that the characters are lightening up and becoming more what they can be, and the opportunities for humor are coming easier and frequently. We know the next rewrite will move along fast as well.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3.
Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY CONTINUES
Morty tells Jax that maybe he should get a job. Then, Morty comes up with an idea. Go apply for his old job and see if he gets hired a la his company telling him that they were getting rid of people to downsize and not hiring anymore. Then, Morty will know whether or not their was ageism against him.
NOTE: SAVE FOR SOMEPLACE ELSE. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan the flying party, making it a celebration of all their good news.
Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until…
INT. DINER – NIGHT
They work on scenes. A whole new idea combining their concepts, Yard Wars. Jax tells Morty that the job was labeled as assistant, but Morty sees that it’s the same job only less money. Morty is convinced now that it was ageism that got him fired. With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take a writing break and have the Picnic then. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
2. Write Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY CONTINUES
MORTY: Looks like we’re all going to the air show.
JAX: Yup, ol’…pal.
MORTY: Almost had another dollar for the bucket.
JAX: Morty, how is it that you always have something up your sleeve?
MORTY: Pretty good for someone who always wears short sleeves.
JAX: Let’s get working shorty.
MORTY: Jax, tell me something. Is Kyle your really your kid, you know between you and Melanie.
JAX: Morty, you old rabbit.
MORTY: Ka-ching.
JAX: I didn’t say old man.
MORTY: Ha! Fork over the buck.
JAX: Get real, Morty. Melanie and I are just friends and Kyle is not my son. But, what’s blood family anyhow. It isn’t so great for me.
MORTY: Your family sucks.
JAX: You said it. My Dad only throws money at me, never shows up for anything.
MORTY: And you hate money.
JAX: Got that right.
MORTY: Wait a minute, I see what’s going on here.
JAX: Yeah, we’re trying to work on class work.
MORTY: No, I’m not so stupid. I see you’re giving money to Melanie, for the kid, I suppose.
JAX: Ka-ching.
MORTY: But, I didn’t say it in that –
JAX: –uh, uh. Doesn’t matter. You said it. Dollar please.
Morty fishes out a dollar from his pocket and drops it into the container.
MORTY: Wait a minute…I got it.
JAX: What? How to fix scene three?
MORTY: No. How you can get money without being a slave to your dad and help me solve a mystery. You go to my old work place and apply for my
old job. Doesn’t matter if you know how to do it or not. We’ll make something up. I bet they lied and they are hiring. They just let me go because
of age to save some bucks.
JAX: But, I don’t want a job, right now. I can just suck out my Dad’s money, as long as he doesn’t know that I’m giving it to Melanie and Kyle.
3. Write Key Scene 3: Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until…
INT. DINER – NIGHT
They work on scenes. A whole new idea combining their concepts, Yard Wars. Jax tells Morty that the job was labeled as assistant, but Morty sees that
it’s the same job only less money. Morty is convinced now that it was ageism that got him fired. With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take
a writing break and have the Picnic then. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
INT. DINER – NIGHT
The waitress is keeping the coffee coming, as they write and debate furiously in their customary corner booth in the diner.
JAX: OK, so maybe there is a way to work in something local into a galactic theme.
MORTY: I tell you, Yard Wars will be a winner. A lawn time ago, grass grew far away too fast – the suburbellians struck back.
JAX: Are you kidding? Have you heard about a little film called “Star Wars?” You want to get money or get us sued?
MORTY: Oh, c’mon, Jax. It’s parody. Think of the characters. There’s Weedblocka, C3 Neighbors, R2 Deet Spray, Rake Plant Walker and his
nemeis Dark Pavers. And of course, there’s Princess Lettuce Organic and Hand Trimmer.
JAX: Get serious, old man. And, yes…before you say it, it was worth it to say it.
He begins to pull out a dollar.
MORTY: Okay, okay. You know there’s always Shakespeare Vs. Hitler.
JAX: Morty, you lost. The waitress said so. Let’s get serious. And by the way, I didn’t get that job you sent me on.
MORTY: Sorry, kid.
JAX: Ka-ching.
MORTY: C’mon. I was being compassionate.
Jax holds out the kitty, staring at him.
MORTY: Okay, okay. But it is hard to get into an entry level job.
JAX: Uh, that wasn’t an entry level job. That was a level 3.
MORTY: What? That was my job. Damn. I knew it. I just knew it. They laid me off because of my age. I got ’em now.
JAX: So which high powered lawyer are you planning to hire with your exhorbitant amounts of cash?
MORTY: Yeah. I’ll hire the Malpractice Falcon, you’ve heard of Lawnboy Callisthentics? He always mows down the enemy. OK, forget it.
JAX: I think thats enough Yard Wars for one night. Let’s go back to where we left off. The Freeons were controlling the wormhole.
MORTY: Let’s put in ships who storm the wormhole and a big fight. Everyone always likes a bit action picture.
JAX: Hey, Morty. That sounds good.
MORTY: Ahh, see…k…Jax.
JAX: We can say that the ships look like WW11 bombers.
MORTY: Jax, I’m gonna’ like this.
The Waitress comes over.
WAITRESS: You two get a Pulitzer, yet.
MORTY: They don’t give Pulitzer’s to screenplay writers.
WAITRESS: Why not?
JAX: We don’t count.
WAITRESS: Well, you all drink the same coffee.
MORTY: Well said, Arlene.
The Waitress pours each of them more.
JAX: Thanks. We gotta’ get this scene of ships passing through the wormhole done tonight.
WAITRESS: Ships. Always popular. Having an airshow at Bentley Field on the three-day weekend.
She turns and walks away.
MORTY: Jax, I think we need a lead ship name.
JAX: Yeah, maybe Daredevil is a good name.
MORTY: Wait.
JAX: What?
MORTY: Hey, Arlene.
The waitress stops.
MORTY: What did you say?
WAITRESS: What? About the air show? Yeah, over at Bentley Field.
MORTY: Thanks, Arlene. Jax, that’s it.
JAX: What’s it? You like the name Bentley for the lead ship. That doesn’t sound very dramatic.
MORTY: No. I mean the airshow. We gotta’ go. You can take Kyle. He loves planes. I’ll bring my new date. We’ll all meet up and have great time.
It’ll be a great break for all of us. You can …you know….get to know Melanie a little better.
JAX: Morty. You’re a conniving old man.
MORTY: Ka-ching.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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Rich and Mary Chamberlin’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is to regroup the outline at the midpoint of it all is good, and as we brainstormed changes to Act 3 we got several amazing change ideas.
1. Using your Beat Sheet, outline your Act 3 Key Scenes.
Key Scene 1: React/Rethink the new reality revealed by Midpoint
EXT.- JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with her son, Kyle. Kyle begs to get together soon, Melanie relents. Morty says we’ll go flyin’, maybe in a big grass field.
There is a local air show over the three day weekend and maybe they all can go. Jax hears/sees Morty in a new light. Morty beams, tells Melanie
and Jax that last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY CONTINUOUS
Morty tells Jax that maybe he should get a job. Then, Morty comes up with an idea. Go apply for his old job and see if he gets hired a la his company telling him that they were getting rid of people to downsize and not hiring anymore. Then, Morty will know whether or not their was ageism against him. Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for their presentation. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan the flying party, making it a celebration of all their good news.
Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until…
INT. DINER – NIGHT
They work on scenes. A whole new idea combining their concepts, Yard Wars. Jax tells Morty that the job was labeled as assistant, but Morty sees that
it’s the same job only less money. Morty is convinced now that it was ageism that got him fired. With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take
a writing break and have the Picnic then. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces their lowest low.
EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
Jax’s Dad, who is a bigwig at the airshow presenting corporate stuff, notices Jax driving in. Bella Bustamonte is with him, she’s an ex-air force flyer
demonstrating planes today. Jax sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s. But then, he is surprised when Melanie’s mom shows up and is Morty’s date.
Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, because he sees him with Melanie and Kyle. Dad cuts off funds. Morty tells the Dad off, too, after Jax leaves on the sly.
Says “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue, then he sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
2. Write Key Scene 1: Reaction/Rethink.
EXT.- JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty puts Mabel into neutral as he parks in the only street spot open.
MORTY:This seems to be my lucky day!
He knocks at Jax’s door, and when it opens Kyle runs by and jumps into his arms, like an plane. Morty catches him and proceeds to carry/fly down the sidewalk.
MELANIE: We were just leaving – by car, that is.
JAX: And we have a lot of writing to do, champ. Grown-up stuff.
KYLE: Mom! Can we visit Uncle Morty? I want to see his bachelor launching pad.
MELANIE: We were just talking about the big Air Show over the holiday weekend. Maybe we all can go together.
MORTY: I’d love that, they have a picnic ground there, we can make it a shin-dig.
Jax hears/sees Morty in a new light. Morty beams, about to share other news.
MORTY (CONT) Last night, when I got home, I saw that those people at the App had sent a note. I’m having my first date!
KYLE: First date in your life?
MORTY: Seems like it.
MELANIE: Congrats big guy. Break a leg, or whatever people do on dates anymore. Not that I’ve been on one in forever either.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin Have Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that pulling it all together adds an opportunity to sprinkle in the detail that brings the story to life.
1. Outline any scenes that you haven’t gotten to yet from Act 2.
INT.-SCHOOL CLASSROOM -EARLY EVENING
Jax starts to open up a little in class to Morty. The Rest of students continue to snub the two. All are asked to present their ideas. “What’s a logline? the teacher asks. “Pitch me.” Jax presents the space saga, but people look confused. Then Morty gets up, and starts to tell of “Shakespeare vs. Hitler.” The class snickers at Morty as he presents. Back at his seat, Jax gets quiet again and gives Morty the evil eye.
AND
INT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Jax shows up at Noon, teases Morty about his place. “I’ll clean later, I’ve been working on the script.” Jax sees picture of Morty’s wife and child, doesn’t ask. Jax sees Morty in a new light. There is more to him than meets the eye. Feels for Morty at last, intros him to dating apps, bringing in new ideas. Each starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator.
AND
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Jax gets a phone call and lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty – the Dad will wire him some cash. Morty “listens in”. “I thought you didn’t care about money.” Jax rebuffs him. As they become more like a team (family) they both start to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas
AND
INT. STORE – DAY
Morty buys flowers for Melanie on the way to her apt. Only plan to stay a few minutes for an errand (check) then off to the school library to work
on the sacreenplay all the way up to class time. Morty says kid by accident, owes a buck for the kitty.
2. Write out those scenes.
SCENE 1:
A INT.-SCHOOL CLASSROOM -EARLY EVENING
Morty is the first into the classroom, but instead of taking a front row seat to try to finagle his way out of this Rubik’s cube named Jax, he sits where he was before, in the back where Jax sits. He pulls out a notebook full of “Shakespeare vs Hitler” notes, and flipping to the back he starts to write. Students start to come in, filling the front rows. “Aliens at Warp Speed”, he puts at the top of page. Filling in below, all he can write is “The Aliens were at war, their leader a green zombie with a tiny bar moustache raising one tentacle in salute, as he angers the alien mob. Suddenly, Razz Matazz appears with a Ronald Ray-gun to blast the enemy. Blah-blah.” He stops and shuts the page as the teacher comes in. Were they really goinhg to write that? He leans back as Jax comes in just before class begins.
JAX: Hey, oo…, dude. Howzit? Sorry, I wasn’t a good host yesterday. First coffee and all.
MORTY: No problemo. It’s OK k…could you lend me a pencil?
JAX: Sure, whatever. I have some ideas about the aliens going into the quantum world to change the space-time continuum, a small change. We can get together again after class?
MORTY: I skipped lunch, so yeah, that works.
Morty turns to a fellow student and says Hi. The student snubs him, looking down. Nobody will make eye contact. Morty looks at his own paper shamefully.
Teacher begins. “What’s a logline? the teacher asks. Stone silence.
“Pitch me. Everybody, you know what you want to write. Come up one by one and tell me in 2 sentences. Like an elevator. You know, where they play boring Muzak?”
Jax gets up, and everyone goes “Oooohhhh” in surprise. He sits of teacher’s desk, and begins.
JAX: OK, everybody here knows “Star Bores” through Episode 27, well we’re writing “I was a Teenage Wormhole.” It’s a larger than life space saga, where lots of technical gear is used to make amazing violent things happen. Our hero is a Muon in search of an electron, and things get charged quickly.
People look confused, everyone pulls out their cell phone and starts to google those terms.
JAX: Well, I can’t tell you any more, or i’d have to kill you. Ha! Now for my partner.
Jax gets up, gesturing Morty forward. Morty stands and steps up, laughs nervously, then starts to talk.
MORTY: Anybody know who Shakespeare is?
FEMALE KID IN FRONT ROW: Duh!
MALE KID IN FRONT ROW: A Brit TV character?
MORTY: You should be Bard from class. Ar-ar-ar.
The class sits silent, then when he speaks again snickers at Morty, not in a good way as he presents.
MORTY: My Dad was a great man in the US Army Air Corps, his code name, Shakespeare. He fought the Nips in WW2,
MALE KID IN FRONT ROW: They were topless?
FEMALE KID IN FRONT ROW: That’s very unwoke.”
MORTY: Anyway, we thought he’d be a great protagonist in our screenplay.”
He drones on for another 5 sentences until the teacher clears her throat. He stops, and retreats.
Back at his seat, Jax gives Morty the evil eye.
SCENE 2:
EXT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Jax shows up at Noon, sees Morty has a dated but neatly landscaped small home. He rings the bell, and quickly Morty answers.
INT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
JAX: Nice place – where’s Beaver?
MORTY: Har-har.
Jax walks to the clear-plastic covered couch, pushes aside a pile of papers and sits.
JAX: I see you’ve been working on the outline, maids day off?
MORTY: She’s getting the Ferrari washed. Didn’t you see Mabel’s bumper sticker? My other car is a Roadster. Coffee?
Morty retreats to the kitchen.
Jax looks around his living room. He picks up and looks at various awards and ribbons, including a State Good Samaritan one for Morty. He picks up
a picture of a woman and child and sets it down. There are also model airplanes intricately painted and decaled. He also sees a stack of record albums.
He shuffles through them. The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, a de-faced Air Supply Album, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody.
JAX: Morty, you have the Queen Bohemian Rhapsody vinyl?
Morty pops out of the kitchen.
MORTY: My favorite. You like Queen?
JAX: Uh, yeah.
Morty pops back into the kitchen.
MORTY: Maybe we’ll put it on later, while we work… (more quiet) on Shakespeare Vs. Hitler.
JAX: (back quietly) I Was A Teenage Wormhole.
MORTY: Here’s your Joe. Lets get started on the screenplay.
JAX: Before we do, let me just show you the Dating app on your cell phone. Won’t take a minute.
MORTY: Is Bella Bustamonte on that App? I sure hope so.
JAX: We’ll see. Now…
SCENE 3:
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Morty and Jax are back in their now favorite booth at the Diner. Jax gets a phone call.
It’s his Dad.
JAX: Hello. Dad, what’s up?
Morty peruses his notepad while Jax talks on the phone.
JAX: Uh, huh. Uh, huh. Yeah she left.
Jax listens almost endlessly to chattering on the other end. He shifts in his seat, frustrated.
JAX: No, Dad, I told you. I’m not seeing her anymore. Got it?
Listening.
JAX: Look Dad. I’m in the middle of something. I’m working with my partner on our assignment for class.
Listening.
JAX: Dad, it’s going great. I gotta’ go.
Listening.
JAX: Oh, okay. Yeah, just venmo it. Okay. Bye.
Jax disconnects.
MORTY: Venmo? Is that a lawn mowing alien?
JAX: This is a different kind of green, Morty.
MORTY: Thought you didn’t care about money.
JAX: I don’t but I need it.
MORTY: Yeah, the age-old drama of life. We’re a slave to our cash. Hey, let’s put that in the screenplay.
A time-traveling blood-sucking money grubbing alien.
JAX: Could work.
SCENE 4
INT. STORE – DAY
Morty is buying a bouquet of flowers with Jax.
JAX: You don’t have to buy flowers, Morty. I told you this is just a friend.
MORTY: Yeah, so this is the girl that you are not seeing anymore. Besides, everyone loves flowers no matter what.
JAX: I told you, we’re just stopping for a few minutes. Then, we’ll go to the school library to work. Okay.
MORTY: Yeah, yeah, whatever, kid.
JAX: Ca-ching. Dollar please.
Morty reluctantly digs in his pants pockets. Hands a dollar over to Jax
3. With those scenes done, do a quick read of Act 2 and add/improve anything you’d like.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that a buddy picture Comedy can get really emotional after all. The change in how Jax sees Morty thru the kids eyes softens how he sees himself, and allows him to be creative going forward. It is a major change in the story, the old ways will no longer do.
1. Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY –
This is the first time audience sees Melanie and her son Kyle. Kyle is epileptic. Jax brushes off Morty as just some old guy he is forced to work with. Melanie makes him apologize. Kyle loves WWII planes which Morty’s Dad flew, so Morty tells him amazing stories that the kid cant get enough of. Morty charms Kyle with jokes and really hits it off with the kid. JAX sees him 100% different after Melanies apartment.
2. Write the Midpoint scene.
EXT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY –
Mabel pulls up to the high rise low rent apartments. Other cars on the street make Mabel look like a Rolls Royce. Morty
brough a tiny bouquet of flowers, that Jax stares at but doesn’t comment.
MORTY: Your friend lives in a tough neighborhood, Jax.
JAX: Yeah, I tell her to move, but whattya gonna do.
They huff and puff as they climb the outdoor stairs to the place. Jax rings the doorbell, but it doesn’t work. He knocks
and Melanie answers.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY
She is young and tired looking, happy but with a dark cloud in her visage. A young boy runs over
and shouts.
KYLE: All aboard the plane!
MELANIE: Kyle! I told you not to go flying without a co-pilot.
JAX: Look what my writing partner brought – flowers! Can you believe it.
MELANIE: Well I think it’s sweet. Let me get a jar and some water. You kids get acquainted.
Kyle immediately takes to Morty, flying thru his legs with a ZOOM. Jax peels off and follows Melanie.
JAX: Sorry I had to bring him. He’s my writing partner for the class – he’s harmless, a bit of a loser.
MELANIE: Jaxson, you take that back right now!
JAX: What? I just wanted to warn you.
MELANIE: You know, my brother said the same thing about you when we met. Ponder on that while I make tea.
Jax then wanders into Kyle’s room, and see model airplanes all over. He never went in here before.
KYLE: Jap kamikaze incoming. Scramble!
MORTY: We got ’em, high Noon. Scrambling.
JAX: Ha! Second childhood?
MORTY: The kids great. Now, he knows who to pick between Shakespeare and Hitler.
JAX: You owe another dollar. Ka-ching. Besides, he doesn’t even know who Hitler is.
MORTY: Wanna bet?
Kyle laughs as he takes a Japanese Zero toward Morty’s Corsair, the same one Pappy Boyington flew in the Pacific.
The planes collide, and the Mitsubishi Zero crashes onto the rug. Morty laughs along, and Jax realizes he’s never
heard the boy laugh before.
MELANIE: Teas ready. Kyle, let us grown-ups have our time. Do you have homework?
KYLE: Ah, Mom. Alright.
When they sit, Jax allows Morty the comfy chair, the one he always sits in. Melanie smiles, realizing her protest
earlier wan’t in vain.
MELANIE: So tell me about yourself, Mr. Shakespeare. I bet you get teased a lot about the name.
MORTY: Ah, you’d be surprised. I love to write, but I’m a hack next to this guy. He knows all about what-holes. Oops,
I hope Kyle didn’t hear that.
JAX: Actually, I’m feeling like a what-hole myself right about now. Morty likes kids I understand, and now I see.
MELANIE: I’ll bet there’s a lot of interesting things about your new friend we’d love to know. Hmm?
They start to talk, and everyone has a lovelier time than they have in ages.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s a lot of ground to cover, but focus on the essentials means better memorable scenes and faster writing.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3.
KS 2
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax keeps explaining space things to Morty. Morty confesses to not knowing too much about tech, but says that the teacher is hot. Waitress hears and says that they’re not her type, but that they’d be catches. Jax tries to get back on topic, as they find the waitress is right, each is single and unattached. To get back on topic, Jax bargains with Morty, says he will get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty will commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler. They’ll continue the outline in the morning, this time at Morty’s place.
KS 3
INT. -SCHOOL CLASSROOM -EARLY EVENING
Morty hates apps says he likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to plan asking her out electronically. Jax helps him “get with it” by learning texting, etc.
Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo. Jax riles Morty for not doing the text right. Morty complains about the size of the keyboard on the phone for big fingers.
2. Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Morty and Jax walk into the diner.
WAITRESS (ARLENE): Hi looker. Hi Shakespeare.
Morty and Jax take a booth.
WAITRESS: What’ll it be?
MORTY: A ham on rye and coffee.
JAX: A field green salad. And water.
The waitress leaves.
MORTY: Did she just call me looker?
JAX: She didn’t call me Shakespeare.
MORTY: Yeah, I got it. You know, just because I’m older doesn’t mean I’m not interesting.
JAX: I’m interesting. You’re a curiousity.
MORTY: I mean. I could really go for a date. But I hate all those technology dating thingy’s.
JAX: Dating Apps?
MORTY: Yeah. Apps schapps. Why can’t I just ask someone out? Like our teacher, for instance.
JAX: Ms. Bustamonte?
MORTY: Yeah, Ms. Bella Bustamonte. She’s great.
JAX: Ball buster Bustamonte?
MORTY: Come on. She’s sweet.
JAX: Sweet as an agitated rattlesnake.
MORTY: What’s the matter kid? You afraid of a strong woman?
Jax taps the table top.
JAX: A dollar, please.
Morty fumbles in his pocket.
MORTY: Oh for cripes sake.
He slaps a dollar onto the table.
JAX: Look Morty. I’ll teach you about apps and such and I’ll have you texting her in no time and not like an old man.
Morty taps on the table.
MORTY: Dollar, please.
JAX: Uh uh. I didn’t use it in the same context. I used it as simile not a slang name, Mr. Writer.
MORTY: Dollar please.
JAX: Whatever.
Jax rummages through his pocket and slaps a dollar bill on the table.
JAX: Look Morty. I promise you by the time I’m through with you, I’ll get you a date with Ms. Bustamonte and you’ll
promise me that you’ll write Alien’s In The Wormhole. No more Shakespeare Vs. Hitler. Deal?
MORTY: I’m not sure that’s valid. We’re supposed to be writing partners. Oh, okay. Deal.
3. Write Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…
INT. -SCHOOL CLASSROOM -EARLY EVENING
Morty and Jax are seated in the back of class.
JAX: Okay, Morty. Do like I taught you. Text her a message. Maybe something about class. You have to turn on the spell checker or else
you’ll make big mistakes.
Morty slowly taps keys on the phone.
JAX: You got it. You got it?
MORTY: Easy. I’m trying to type this out.
JAX: Use your thumbs.
MORTY: Thumbs were made for grasping not typing on a keyboard. Especially such a tiny one.
JAX: Come on Morty. Class is about to start.
MORTY: Almost finished. There. Now I just press the send button. There.
There is a DING heard from the front of the class, where Ms. Bustamonte stands.
Ms. Bustamonte glances at her phone, then, sets it back down on the desk.
MS. BUSTAMONTE: Okay class. Today, we are going to talk about log lines. We are going to riff on your ideas and come up with a three line pitch.
Later:
MS. BUSTAMONTE: Sign up for your outline review now, by teams. That means you, I need to talk with you by end of next week. Class dismissed.
The students start to file out, as Morty lingers with Jax. The teacher is collecting her messages, M&J smile at one another, then bring up the rear.
MS. BUSTAMONTE: Uh, Mr. Shakespeare, if that is your name. I don’t appreciate your lewd and undiscipined text messages. I’m not a Ho, and I’d rather date
a fictional character. I hope your outline is top notch, men, because now I’m going to give it the once over my boot camp trainees used to cry after.
MORTY: Call me Morty, please. I just said..
He opens the app on his phone, and realizes spell check had zinged him. Ho Mrs Bustamonte, would you like a date?
JAX: Uh, I can vouch for him, he’s too afraid of you to call you a ho. Ball buster, maybe.
MS. BUSTAMONTE: What did you say? (stares him down)
MORTY: Really it’s all quite innocent. I meant Hi, that’s all.
MS. BUSTAMONTE: See you next week. Bring your balls.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that although we needed to go back over our beat sheet and make revisions to stuff after Act 1 (that needs to change) now it is becoming more coherent, ready to be broken down as we did in Act 1 sections.
EXT – JAX APT – DAY
Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 8 a.m. Morty is not a late night person, but an early bird. Jax is a late night person, not an early bird. Let in as Jax, groggy, drags himself into the kitchen to make coffee.
Morty sees Jax’s apartment. Looks at his stuff, yells questions to Jax. One word answers. Morty see photo of Kyle, picks it up and looks longingly, before setting back down and pulling out a pad of paper. “Time to work.”
Keep trying to get something outlined, keep procrastinating. Morty finds out about Jax’s Dad, Jax is a rich kid with a fancy place. “Hey I don’t care about money – it never made my Dad happy.”
SCENE:
EXT – JAX APT – DAY
Morty rings the doorbell. Looks around, its a bright sunny day. Beautiful suburban lawns and condos all around.
Morty rings the bell again. Ties his shoes, checks his teeth. Still no answer. Knocks and rings incessantly for 30 seconds.
JAX (opens the door, totally dissheveled)
What?
MORTY
Hey, pencil killer! It’s time to work.
JAX
Uggh. Coffee.
Jax drags himself into the kitchen to make coffee.
Morty takes in Jax’s apartment. The way he looks at the stuff, he’s never seen an episode of “Home Designers” or the like. It’s antiseptic, with only
a few shreds of humanity, mostly stainless steel furniture and artsy bric-a-brac. But he does see a couple of photos on a side table; a woman and a kid.
He smiles at the woman, shaking his head, then picks up the photo of the kid and looks longingly at it. A tear forms in his eye, as he sets it back down
again on the table. He turns and strolls toward the kitchen, starting to talk to Jax by yelling.
MORTY
Pretty fancy digs you got. Must’ve cost a pretty penny.
JAX
My Dad’s dime. I don’t care about “digs” or money.
MORTY
Well, it is where you live.
JAX
Coffee! (takes a long loving drink) Cuppa? (hands him the cup he just drank from)
MORTY (goes to cabinet to pull out a fresh mug, only tiny demitasse cups there)
Uh, maybe you should spend on some glassware?
JAX
Why are we awake at this ungodly hour?
MORTY
So we can send Shakespeare through the what-hole to defeat Hitler, kid.
JAX
Ka-ching! That’ll be a buck for the kitty.
MORTY
(sniff-sniff) I don’t smell any cat around here.
Jax holds out a big can, and taps his foot, waiting. Morty puts a bill in.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to look at the Act as an entirety and change up the order now while still in an early draft and minimal impact. Again no wordsmithing just bones with a little meat.
1. Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1.
Change up order – they walk after class to the Diner. Move text scene to just after they sit at the Diner. Morty sees and complains about old callin Jax kid. They finally draw a truce on each other calling each other “kid” and “old man.” If ones does, he has to put money in the jar. Then continue Diner as before.
2. Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
Done
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Turning Point
What I learned doing this assignment is every setup leads to that first turning point, and as it materializes on the page here, we’re getting even more excited about this screenplay.
1. Outline your Act 1 Turning Point.
Morty Resists input from someone else on his magnum opus screenplay. Jax thinks its a game, plays along but knows Morty’s ideas are out of date, so plans
to teach him a lesson.
INT.- DINER- NIGHT
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner.
2. Complete First Act Outlines, Write your Act 1 Turning Point.
Outline KEY SCENE 4:
INT.-SCHOOL CLASSROOM- DAY
Class is over. Morty’s surprised to find Jax outside waiting for him, who tells him to forget about getting a good grade
in this class. He’s not working with him.
Morty talks (or argues) Jax’s ear off and bargains with him, offering to buy dinner at his favorite diner if he will just
entertain his concept. He asks him if he can give him a ride. Morty will buy “the kid” ala Jax dinner and drive him home.
Jax’s father text messages him, saying “I’ve sent the Limo for you.” Jax agrees to ride with Morty.
Outline KEY SCENE 5:
EXT.-CAR-NIGHT
Jax is introduced to Morty’s car, “Mabel”. Jax agrees, but as soon as Morty starts up the car and Jax hears the extra loud muffler and feels the death trap of a car, Jax wants to get out. Morty coerces Jax to get in, dinner awaits. In the car, Morty and Jax argue back and forth. Morty calls Jax “kid.” Jax calls Morty “old man.”
TP SCENE 6:
INT. DEL’S DINER – EVENING
In a red vinyl-clad booth, MORTY and JAX sit across from each other.
MORTY
So, Jax Smith, what do you like to write?
JAX
Nothing.
MORTY
That’s weird.
JAX
I’m like that.
MORTY
Like what? You like to torture yourself so you sign up for a writing class. Makes sense.
JAX
Parents.
MORTY
Oh, I get it. Your parents torture you by signing you up for a writing class…That’s crap.
JAX
Crap?
MORTY
Yeah. It’s crap being forced to do something you don’t want to.
JAX
It’s complicated.
MORTY
Isn’t it always?
JAX
Look, I’m just marking time.
MORTY
Yeah. Well, you don’t want the $500 bucks that’s your business. But I do, so mark time on your own time and not my time.
JAX
That’s lousy writing.
Morty just looks at Jax.
JAX (CONT’D)
You used the word time three times.
MORTY
What do you care, kid?
JAX
Are you gonna’ call me kid, like, the whole time?
MORTY
Yeah. Probably.
JAX
Okay, old man.
MORTY
Yeah. (he snuffs a laugh) It’s true…Okay, how about we use each other’s names like civilized people even if we’re not?
JAX
What kind of name is Morty any how?
MORTY
An old one kid. What kind of name is Jax?
JAX
(snuffles a laugh) A young one…Okay, Morty. You’re kinda funny. I like funny. So, what the hell, I’ll beat out a screenplay with you.
MORTY
Great! I’ve got ideas. You got any? No. Okay. So listen, kid, this screenplay, I see it taking place during World War Two. It’s about these
fly-boys who shoot down nips.
JAX
Is politically incorrect somewhere in your vocabulary?
MORTY
Yeah, My Dad voted for Ike.
JAX
He voted for candy? Awesome, I’ll fail outta’ this school, yet.
MORTY
I’m not gonna’ fail to deposit that $500 bucks in my bank account.
JAX
Two fifty.
A WAITRESS approaches their table.
WAITRESS
What can I get you gents?
MORTY
Cuppa’ joe. None of that fancy cream or sugar.
JAX
Bring me his cream and double the sugar.
WAITRESS
Great. Eight p.m. and I’m serving the odd couple.
She leaves.
MORTY
So, I was saying.
JAX
Yeah, yeah. Boring.
MORTY
It’s Shakespeare versus Hitler, kid. Pure Shakespeare.
JAX
You mean ancient History, old man. What could be more exciting?
MORTY
I gave you first dibs.
JAX
Look, how about three kids fall into a wormhole, catch onto the slipstream of a warp driven space
ship, and fly 50,000 light years across the galaxy to fight flesh eating gorgons.
MORTY
A what hole?
Jax slaps his forehead with the palm of his hand and rolls his eyes.
MORTY (CONT’D)
Okay. I’ll tell ya’ what. I’ll bet you our dinner that my idea’s better than yours.
The Waitress returns.
JAX
And here comes our judge now.
The Waitress sets the drinks down in front of each.
JAX (CONT’D)
Beautiful, which movie would you go to see? A tired old World War Two picture. . .
MORTY
It’s Shakespeare versus Hitler.
JAX
Or three kids going through a wormhole to the other side of the galaxy to fight flesh eating monsters?
WAITRESS
Let me guess. You’re World War Two. (She nods at Morty) And the looker is the wormhole. (She nods at Jax)
Flesh eating monsters never tip. Then again, the latest box office take for a sci-fi thriller was $100 million dollars. Sorry, black coffee, cream
double sugar gets it.
Jax makes a fist pump in the air.
JAX
Yeah! Beautiful, I’ll take the steak and egg dinner, a tall stack double, and throw in a rack of bacon. Everythings better with bacon.
(he smiles)
This is gonna’ be a beautiful relationship.
WAITRESS
Sorry looker, got three kids and a husband at home.
MORTY
(under his breath) I’ll wait for the bacon coma, and then – full speed ahead for WW Two.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that it gives more chances to brainstorm structure and figure out more ways the script can go. We had to rearrange several things, but that’s no problem, as we know we will be editing and doing so again over several drafts.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 & 4 for Act 1.
KEY SCENE 1
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Opening – A close-up of various feet walking on shiny floors. Keds loafers shuffle through. We see Morty, a 60 year
old guy navigating his way through the hall.
KEY SCENE 2
INT.-CLASSROOM-DAY
He enters a classroom. Bumps into a young woman. “Well, Hello Jane.” She gives him a dirty look. He looks for an empty seat.
Morty heads toward the back of the class, sees Jax, immediately turns away. But there’s no seats left – he has no choice but
to sit by the strange kid. Jax is a punkish 20 something. He has purple hair and dresses in black heavy metal gear.
KEY SCENE 3
The teacher, Bella Bustamonte, enters the class. She explains the new semester’s class and introduces the contest with
winnings of $500 for first place. Now she asks people to pair up.
Morty is stuck with Jax as no one else wants to pair with either of them. Morty says, “Hey, pencil man. Are you gonna’ continue
to torture that pencil or can we listen to class?”
KEY SCENE 4
He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and plays along. They go to the teacher after class, but they are stuck together, pass or fail. Morty says, “I’ve never failed anything in my life and I’m not starting now.”
2. Write your Inciting Incident scene.
Inciting Incident Outline:
While standing in front of the teacher, Jax receives a text from his father, upsetting him.
SCENE:
Jax gets a ping on his cell phone – it’s his Dad. He groans and looks skyward.
It says, “Remember, this is your last chance. Pass or you WILL be cut off from ANY money.”
Jax looks skyward, then at his feet, crestfallen. He looks at Morty, then at his phone.
3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
Reaction to Inciting Incident Outline:
Jax texts his father back and insults Morty, who reads it on the phone Jax is holding. They call a truce and head for dinner out.
SCENE:
“Gimme a minute.”
“Sure Kid. I’ll just hang loose right here.” Morty immediately starts to stare at Jax’s phone, looking at the screen, protective case, etc.
Jax types a text back to his father. It says, “The teacher assigned me a partner for the final grade. He’s an old loser.”
Morty says, “I can read that over your shoulder. I’m not that old.”
Jax shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Nothing personal, Morty. I know I’m a loser, too. Guess we’re stuck together.”
“Let’s talk about it over dinner. I heard the diner nearby is cheap.”
“Not the only thing.” Jax mumbled.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that speed is King. This is amazingly faster and is like an assembly line, broken down to bare minimum but increasing quality each pass. The quality is now like 20% but done in 10% of the time. Super Cool.
THEME: “DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER”, AGEISM, PREJUDICE
Act 1:
INT.-COLLEGE HALLWAY – DAY
Outline –
What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester in a wild class and an unusual teacher.
Morty walks toward the back of the class, sees Jax, immediately turns away.
But there’s no seats left – he has no choice but to sit by the strange kid.
First Scene:
INT. COLLEGE HALLWAY – DAY
Show ankle level view of feet walking earing Nike airs, designer shoes, trendy flats, beat up
clogs, clicking high heels traverse the floor, dodging,
skidding, moving. A pair of black Keds barrels past with a
determined gait.
MORTY BERNSTEIN, a 61 year old carries a book and pad clutched to his chest. The binding says, “How To Write A Screenplay.” His
eyes scan the hallway. He opens the Room 27 door and almost runs into a gorgeous female inside talking with a friend.
MORTY
Pardon…me. Hello Betty.
The female frowns, and sits in the front of the room. Morty scans the class, seeing only one desk free in the back. He
fits his big body into the chair, sits with a sigh, and plops his book and pad of paper onto the desktop. He arranges them
neatly and pulls a pen from his smiley face pouch.
Next to him is a young man, JAX SMITH slumped in his chair. His blonde wide mohawk sports a red stripe on each side. He rhythmically taps
his pen on his desktop, making the tattoo of flames quiver on his forearm.
Morty is about to grab Jax’s pencil when a middle-aged woman, MS. BELLA BUSTAMONTE enters and stands in front.
BELLA
Good afternoon. Welcome to Screenwriting 101. If you want a pipeline to Hollywood, you’re in the W-R-I-T-E class.
MORTY
He is the only one in the class that laughs.
BELLA
Tough crowd! O-kay, let’s jump w-rit. . . forget it. In this class we’re going to create a screenplay,
and finish it. Yes, that’s a big deal. . .Now, class, you have a truly priceless opportunity this semester.
We will be entering your little gems in our famous regional independent screenplay contest.
There are various “ooh’s and ah’s” from the class.
STUDENT
Is there a prize for this?
BELLA
The honor of winning…Yeah, I know. Honor don’t pay the ferryman. How does five hundred bucks sound?
Grumbles of approval ripple through the class.
STUDENT
Have any of your students ever won?
BELLA
Yes, why I’ve won myself, so I can definitely show you the ropes. That is, you as in pairs of you.
This contest is for team-writing. That means working with a partner, consulting and giving up your lame
and ego-maniacal ideas, which I’m sure will be a big challenge for most of you.
STUDENT
Aww, man!
BELLA
See what I mean…So, first things first. Each of you pick a partner, which usually ends up being the person sitting
next to you.
People move to partner up. Jax doesn’t budge, eyes staring down at his desk. Morty looks
towards a person on his right, who shakes his head and points to the person on his right, whom he has already paired up
with.
Morty looks in front of him, but that person also is already paired up. He next looks to his left. Jax does not acknowledge him.
MORTY
(waving hand at Jax)
Excuse me. Hello.
Still no response from JAX.
MORTY (CONT’D)
Hey, pen killer! Give it a rest.
Jax looks up from his desk top.
MORTY (CONT’D)
Take a look at your new partner.
Holding out his hand for a shake.
MORTY (CONT’D)
Morty.
JAX
(Staring. After a few seconds)
Whatever.
MORTY
Good to meet you, Whatever.
BELLA
Okay. All partnered up? Good. Lesson one
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Mary and Rich’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that sprinkling in the theme and antagonist details adds even more flavor, starting to get an idea of the character arcs interacting with the storyline, and its moving ahead nicely. Amazing that this was done so quickly.
THEME: WE THINK THAT THE THEME IS “DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER”, AGEISM, PREJUDICE
Act 1:
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Opening – What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester in a wild class and an unusual teacher.
THEME: Morty walks toward the back of the class, sees Jax, immediately turns away. But there’s no seats left – he has no choice but to sit by the strange kid.
Inciting Incident – He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and ignores it all. They are linked now, pass or fail together.
THEME: Mory says, “Hey, pencil man. Are you gonna’ continue to torture that pencil or can we work?”
Morty hits on the teacher after class and is rebuffed. He’s surprised to find Jax outside, who tells him forget about getting a good grade in this class.
EXT. CAR NIGHT
Jax is introduced to Morty’s car, “Mabel”, as Morty offers to give “the kid” a ride home from class.
Jax agrees, but as soon as Morty starts up the car and Jax hears the extra loud muffler and feels the death trap of a car, Jax wants to get out.
THEME: Morty and Jax argue back and forth. Morty calls Jax “kid.” Jax calls Morty “old man.”
INT.- DINER- NIGHT
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner. THEME: The waitress frowns at Morty, who she assumed would pay.
TE J1 – Jax thinks its a game, at first plays along but knows Morty’s idea is out of date, so he pushes back
TE M1 – Resists input from someone else on his magnum opus screenplay
THEME: Both argue. Both have ideas. Each are each otheres antagonist.
THEME: They finally draw a truce on each other calling each other “kid” and “old man.” If ones does, he has to put money in the jar.
Act 2:
INT.-SCHOOL -DAY
New plan – Next day before class, Morty takes his idea to the teacher in office hour, but she said Jax turned theirs in already (the space saga). Jax, still disinterested, starts to open up in class to Morty. Rest of class continue to snub the two.
THEME: They are asked to present their ideas. The class snickers at Morty as he presents. Back at his seat, he tells Jax. “See, maybe we should have
tried Shakespeare vs. Hitler.”
TE M2 – Forced to back down, he tries to sneak his idea in, fails
TE J2 – When Morty tries to weasel old hackneyed idea in, he catches him and flips it on him (sabotage date and not helping w date)
THEME: Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 8 a.m. Jax is still asleep. Morty sees Jax’s apartment. Looks at his stuff, questioning Jax.
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Plan in action: Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty.
THEME: Morty confesses to not knowing too much about tech. Jax raises his eyes. Will he help him?
INT. – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Morty asks Jax details about his apartment. Finds out about his Dad, maybe, etc.
THEME: Morty sees that Jax is a rich kid with a fancy place.
INT.-DINER – NIGHT
THEME: Jax arrives late at night to work with Morty at the diner. (they work at the diner until late at night with Morty falling asleep on the with
his head on the table.)
THEME: Morty is not a late night person, but an early bird. Jax is a late night person, not an early bird.
PLACEHOLDER—–IF WE DON’T MAKE THIS ABOUT A SCREENPLAY, OTHER IDEAS ARE A THESIS PAPER, A SCIENCE PROJECT, A REPORT.
INT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty asks Jax over to work at his place.
THEME: Jax teases Morty about his place.
PLACEHOLDER – Jax questions Morty about his place. Sees picture of Morty’s wife and child. Finds out about being killed.
TE J3 – Feels for Morty at last, helps him with dating, bringing in new ideas.
THEME: Jax sees Morty in a new light. There is more to him than meets the eye.
TE M3 – Starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator
INT. -DINER – NIGHT
In discussion, Jax finds out Morty likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, etc.
INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo.
THEME: Jax riles Morty for not doing the text right. Morty complains about the size of the keyboard on the phone for big fingers.
Jax gets a phone call and lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty –
the Dad will wire him some cash. PLACEHOLDER—-PERHAPS HIS DAD CALLS ON JAX’S CELL PHONE AND JAX LIES AND THEN HIS DAD STILL GIVES HIM THE CASH BY SENDING IT.
THEME: Morty “listens in”. Jax rebuffs him.
TE J4 – As he becomes more like a team (family) he starts to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point – Morty rebuffed, he turns to the dating site Jax recommended, scores a date. Jax helps him prep, then they finally find some shaky common ground for their screenplay, agree to proceed. When Morty leaves for date.
EXT. STREET DAY
Jax is making his way along the sidewalks.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY
Jax shows up at Melanies apartment. This is the first time we see her and her son Kyle. Kyle is autistic. Jax tells Melanie a bit about Morty.
THEME: Jax is brushing off Morty as just some guy he is forced to work with.
Act 3:
EXT.- JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with her son, Kyle.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
THEME: MORTY TEASES JAX ABOUT “HIS GIRLFRIEND.” JAX BITES BACK AT MORTY.
Then, there is a rethinking of everything – Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. He texts well, things good with this mysytery woman.
THEME: Jax feels better with Morty. Morty is becoming more confident with women.
However, Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now writing the actual script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration between the two.
THEME: Morty sees Jax in a new light.
TE M4 – In being helped (caring) and helping his partner, he helps the screenplay progress
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
New plan – Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son during their presentation. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news.
TE M5 – As the screenplay progresses, he finds the pressure to succeed lower, can take chances (mirror – dating) (mirror – tech)
Morty gives Jax a ride to school.
THEME: The two argue over Morty’s car, Mabel.
EXT. MORTY’S BACKYARD – DAY
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – His dad finds out and shows up at party at Morty’s house, see’s Melanie and Kyle. Jax finds out
that Morty is dating Melanie’s Mom. Awkward. Arguements ensue.
THEME: Jax confronts Morty about inviting his Dad and dating Melanie’s Mom.
TE J5 – Tells Dad off, commits to Melanie that he’ll keep helping her. (self worth & independent, and now responsible)
PLACEHOLDER: MAYBE DO THIS BECAUSE ABOVE WE MAY HAVE THE TEACHER SAY SHE CAN’T DATE A STUDENT: Plus teacher Bella gets Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
PLACEHOLDER: THIS MAY BE THE ONE WE USE. MORTY DATING MELANIE’S MOM.—–Finally, Mortys new date is Melanies Mom! It’s a complete failure. Jax now refuses to work with Morty anymore.
THEME: Prejudices arise in both Morty and Jax.
INT.-MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be the father he no longer has.
THEME: Morty can’t judge Jax, as he knows that deep down Jax is a really good person. He feels sympathy for him.
Act 4:
INT – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, when her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. So Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest.
THEME: Jax realizes that there is more to Morty and that the money and the class work is important to him. Sympathy for him.
INT – LOAN BUILDING – DAY
Jax is getting a loan.
INT. – DINER – DAY
He rethinks his situation and convinces Morty to restart work with him, after Morty says Melanies Mom dumped him. They pull it together and work over thousands
of cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The waitress is there as well.
THEME: The two now have seen each other differently and work well together, even switching ideas and behaviors.
PLACEHOLDER MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
TE M6 – When finishing is in sight, he releases on it, which in turn allows them to revise and empower the screenplay
INT MORTY’S HOUSE DAY
Over Morty’s computer, Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox.
They finish, entering the contest.
THEME: Old ways are gone, new ways are present. Both have come full circle to realize their potential and drop their prejudices.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL/YARD – DAY
Morty is too nervous to see the results. He waits in the schoolyard.
Jax does and approaches Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share.
THEME: Jax is now compassionate to his friend. Morty is now nervous about his abilities.
One Last Twist – Wrong! In truth, they lost. The $500 winnings are actually a loan from the payday loan place. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!” Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel. He is a failure, going back to his old life. He drives off loudly.
EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE DAY
Resolution – Jax applies for a job at Mortys old business and gets one – proving age discrimination. Tells Morty and asks to start their own business. Jax is aa natural, and they have billables very quickly. With the class over Bella Bustamante can start to date Morty, and things are looking up as they complete the rewrites on the screenplay and get notes from Bella who is fantastic. They submit to a huge screenplay contest, this time not relying on winning but hopeful.
TE J6 – Respects Morty’s pride at accepting charity so really pushes for another alternative – he applies for a job at Mortys old employer and gets it, which proves the age discrimination, so Morty can let go, he is worthy, cant control his age.
TE J7 – Start competitor business in this area that M&J own and revel in, but write screenplays at night.
PLACEHOLDER: OR INSTEAD—-JAX GETS MORTY TO SIGN UP FOR SCREENWRITING TWO.—THERE IS MORE WORK TO BE DONE WITH A GOOD PARTNER. MORTY: “I THINK THIS IS GOING
TO BE THE START OF A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.” JAX: THEY ALREADY USED THAT LINE IN CASABLANCA.
THEME: Don’t judge anyone, their experiences, their appearance. Friendships and relationships can come at any age, between anyone.
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Mary and Rich’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is this. We really took this to heart. Our objective was to write this within a half hour and really push the speed writing to the test. We did this mainly because we really are very short on time trying to cram this into a very busy schedule. But, it also was a very exciting lesson to do. It is great to speed along and it is great to just put ideas in placeholders. It is like molding a sculpture little by little.
Act 1:
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Opening – What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester with a wild class and an unusual teacher – who he hits on and is rebuffed.
Inciting Incident – He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and plays along. They are linked now, pass or fail together.
INT.- DINER- NIGHT
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner.
TE J1 – Jax thinks its a game, at first plays along but knows Morty’s idea is out of date, so he pushes back
TE M1 – Resists input from someone else on his magnum opus screenplay
Act 2:
INT.-SCHOOL -DAY
New plan – Next day before class, Morty takes his idea to the teacher in office hour, but she said Jax turned theirs in already (the space saga). Jax, still disinterested, starts to open up in class to Morty. Rest of class continue to snub the two.
TE M2 – Forced to back down, he tries to sneak his idea in, fails
TE J2 – When Morty tries to weasel old hackneyed idea in, he catches him and flips it on him (sabotage date and not helping w date)
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Plan in action: Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty.
INT. – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Morty asks Jax details about his apartment. Finds out about his Dad, maybe, etc.
INT.-MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Jax questions Morty about his place. Sees picture of Morty’s wife and child. Finds out about being killed.
TE J3 – Feels for Morty at last, helps him with dating, bringing in new ideas.
TE M3 – Starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator
INT. -DINER – NIGHT
In discussion, Jax finds out Morty likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, etc.
INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo. Jax lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty –
the Dad smirks and forks over cash. PLACEHOLDER—-PERHAPS HIS DAD CALLS ON JAX’S CELL PHONE AND JAX LIES AND THEN HIS DAD STILL GIVES HIM THE CASH BY SENDING IT.
TE J4 – As he becomes more like a team (family) he starts to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point – Morty rebuffed, he turns to the dating site Jax recommended, scores a date. Jax helps him prep, then they finally find some shaky common ground for their screenplay, agree to proceed. When Morty leaves for date, Jax continues to work – telling Melanie all about it.
Act 3:
INT.- JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Rethink everything – Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. Next day, he texts well, things good with this mysytery woman. Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now writing the actual script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration between the two.
TE M4 – In being helped (caring) and helping his partner, he helps the screenplay progress
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
New plan – Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news. Jax finds out his date is Melanie’s Mom
TE M5 – As the screenplay progresses, he finds the pressure to succeed lower, can take chances (mirror – dating) (mirror – tech)
EXT. MORTY’S BACKYARD – DAY
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – His dad finds out and shows up at party at Morty’s house, see’s Melanie and Kyle.
TE J5 – Tells Dad off, commits to Melanie that he’ll keep helping her. (self worth & independent, and now responsible)
PLACEHOLDER: MAYBE DO THIS BECAUSE ABOVE WE MAY HAVE THE TEACHER SAY SHE CAN’T DATE A STUDENT: Plus teacher Bella gets Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
PLACEHOLDER: THIS MAY BE THE ONE WE USE. MORTY DATING MELANIE’S MOM.—–Finally, Mortys new date is Melanies Mom! It’s a complete failure. Jax now refuses to work with Morty anymore.
INT.-MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be the father he no longer has.
Act 4:
INT – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, when her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. So Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest.
EXT. – MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
He rethinks his situation and convinces Morty to restart work with him, after Morty says Melanies Mom dumped him. They pull it together and work.
PLACEHOLDER MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
TE M6 – When finishing is in sight, he releases on it, which in turn allows them to revise and empower the screenplay
They finish, entering the contest.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL/YARD – DAY
Morty is too nervous to see the results. He waits in the schoolyard.
Jax does and approachesd Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share.
One Last Twist – Wrong! In truth, they lost. The $500 winnings are actually a loan from the payday loan place. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!” Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel. He is a failure, going back to his old life.
EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE DAY
Resolution – Jax applies for a job at Mortys old business and gets one – proving age discrimination. Tells Morty and asks to start their own business. Jax is aa natural, and they have billables very quickly. With the class over Bella Bustamante can start to date Morty, and things are looking up as they complete the rewrites on the screenplay and get notes from Bella who is fantastic. They submit to a huge screenplay contest, this time not relying on winning but hopeful.
TE J6 – Respects Morty’s pride at accepting charity so really pushes for another alternative – he applies for a job at Mortys old employer and gets it, which proves the age discrimination, so Morty can let go, he is worthy, cant control his age.
TE J7 – Start competitor business in this area that M&J own and revel in, but write screenplays at night.
PLACEHOLDER: OR INSTEAD—-JAX GETS MORTY TO SIGN UP FOR SCREENWRITING TWO.—THERE IS MORE WORK TO BE DONE WITH A GOOD PARTNER. MORTY: “I THINK THIS IS GOING
TO BE THE START OF A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.” JAX: THEY ALREADY USED THAT LINE IN CASABLANCA.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is that this twist in design is new to us and very clever. The ideas generated really helped close some of the gaps in our concept. Love this process.
Character Arc –
Morty
Old: Discarded, lonely, desperate, stubbornly brave
New: Learns skills anew, Welcomes new love, unconditionally brave, collaborative
Jax
Old: Dismissed, unmotivated, introverted, a bit desperate
New: Self worthy, talent shining, independent, collaborative
Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen:
Morty:
Resists input from someone else on his magnum opus screenplay
Forced to back down, he tries to sneak his idea in, fails
Starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator
In being helped (caring) and helping his partner, he helps the screenplay progress
As the screenplay progresses, he finds the pressure to succeed lower, can take chances (mirror – dating) (mirror – tech)
When finishing is in sight, he releases on it, which in turn allows them to revise and empower the screenplay
Jax:
Jax thinks its a game, at first plays along but knows Morty’s idea is out of date, so he pushes back
When Morty tries to weasel old hackneyed idea in, he catches him and flips it on him (sabotage date and not helping w date)
Feels for Morty at last, helps him with dating, bringing in new ideas. Then finds out his date is Melanie’s Mom
As he becomes more like a team (family) he starts to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas
Tells Dad off, commits to Melanie that he’ll keep helping her. (self worth & independent, and now responsible)
Respects Morty’s pride at accepting charity so really pushes for another alternative – he applies for a job at Mortys
old employer and gets it, which proves the age discrimination, so Morty can let go, he is worthy, cant control his age.
Start competitor business in this area that M&J own and revel in, but write screenplays at night.
Idea brainstorm:
What if switch from movies to Graphic Novels and Jax is an amazing talented illustrator.
After class over, Morty now dates teacher, who joins the business.
Add these transformational events to your four act structure.
Act 1:
Opening – What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester with a wild class and an unusual teacher – who he hits on and is rebuffed.
Inciting Incident – He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and plays along. They are linked now, pass or fail together.
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner.
Act 2:
New plan – Next day before class, Morty takes his idea to the teacher in office hour, but she said Jax turned theirs in already (the space saga). Jax, still disinterested, starts to open up in class to Morty. Rest of class continue to snub the two.
Plan in action: Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty. In discussion, Jax finds out Morty likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, etc. Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo. Jax lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty –
the Dad smirks and forks over cash.
Midpoint Turning Point – Morty rebuffed, he turns to the dating site Jax recommended, scores a date. Jax helps him prep, then they finally find some shaky common ground for their screenplay, agree to proceed. When Morty leaves for date, Jax continues to work – telling Melanie all about it.
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. Next day, he texts well, things good with this mysytery woman. Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now writing the actual script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration between the two.
New plan – Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – His dad finds out and shows up at party at Morty’s house, see’s Melanie and Kyle. Plus teacher Bella gets Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways. Finally, Mortys new date is Melanies Mom! It’s a complete failure. Jax now refuses to work with Morty anymore. Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be the father he no longer has.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, when her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. So Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest. He rethinks his situation and convinces Morty to restart work with him, after Morty says Melanies Mom dumped him. They pull it together and finish, entering the contest. Morty is too nervous to see the results. Jax does and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore.
One Last Twist – Wrong! In truth, they lost. The $500 winnings are actually a loan from the payday loan place. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!” Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel. He is a failure, going back to his old life.
Resolution – Jax applies for a job at Mortys old business and gets one – proving age discrimination. Tells Morty and asks to start their own business. Jax is aa natural, and they have billables very quickly. With the class over Bella Bustamante can start to date Morty, and things are looking up as they complete the rewrites on the screenplay and get notes from Bella who is fantastic. They submit to a huge screenplay contest, this time not relying on winning but hopeful.
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Mary and Rich’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s kind of like a puzzle – take all the previouss pieves, put them together, find the ones that don’t fit and “reshape” them so have a coherent whole. Then start revising that as you expand the details into an outline.
Concept – When a Gen X man whose lost everything returns to school, he is paired with a Gen Z neer-do-well to create a screenplay they hope will redeem them both.
Main Conflict – One creator is stuck in the 90’s while the other just doesn’t care. When the situation changes, can they possibly create
a coherent script, let alone a winner?
Morty
Old: Discarded, lonely, desperate, stubbornly brave
New: Learns skills anew, Welcomes new love, unconditionally brave, collaborative
Jax
Old: Dismissed, unmotivated, introverted, a bit desperate
New: Self worthy, talent shining, independent, collaborative
Act 1:
Opening – What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester with a wild class and an unusual teacher.
Inciting Incident – He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. They are linked now, pass or fail together.
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have a waitress judge whose idea they develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner.
Act 2:
New plan – Morty tries to twist so his own idea goes into the script, but he has to get Jax, who is still disinterested, to work with him. His mission
is to pester him into doing his half of the work.
Plan in action: Finally, the two start to work together, dismally. Through their discussions, Jax finds out that Morty likes Bella Bustamante the teacher.
He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, etc. Jax tells his Dad that Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty –
the Dad smirks and forks over cash.
Midpoint Turning Point – Morty scores a date. They find some shaky common ground for their screenplay, agree to proceed.
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Morty thinks he’s impressed the teacher on the date, dinner at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. Next day, he texts her but flubs the message so its an insulting typo. Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. The script work is starting to be a collaboration between the two.
New plan – Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – His dad shows up at a picnic at Morty’s house, see’s Melanie and Kyle. Plus teacher Bella gets Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways. It’s a complete failure. Jax now refuses to work with Morty or the teacher
anymore. Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta help Jax and be the father he doesn’t have.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and his only recourse is
to win the contest. He rethinks his situation and convinces Morty to work with him. They pull something together and finish, entering the contest.
Morty is too nervous to see the results. Jax does and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore.
One Last Twist – Wrong! In truth, they lost. The $500 winnings are actually a loan from the payday loan place. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost
went broke, y’know!” Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel. He is a failure, going back to his old life.
Resolution – Jax shows up at Morty’s place. He convinces Morty to work with him in the second class. Just for fun. And he will coach him on his next date.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Mary and Rich Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment is that the interview was a great way to channel the characters from our psyches. We got some amazing surprises from each, including a secondary antagonist character that is begging for more attention. Also it exposes the voices of the characters, so we can discover that they are truly unique. Loved doing this exercise. It was fun besides enlightening. This can be used in any form of writing to discover your characters.
UPDATED INFO SHEET
Genre: “Morty and Jax” is a comedy/buddy movie. Tentatively Named “Morty and Jax” OR “World War Gen-XZ”
A few sentences on these characters (both Underdogs):
MORTY – is a Gen X’er victim of life. He has just been surplused from his job. His wife is dead. He is alone and lonely. He is older and feels the prejudice of ageism against him. He is desperate to fulfill a lifelong dream of writing a movie. Morty has been loved, and has matured accordingly. Morty is a little bit of a Dreamer and a little bit of a Victim. He is confident, but underneath his gruffness, he is compassionate and sad. He is looking for new opportunities.
JAX – is a Gen Z’er victim of uncaring wealthy parents. He tries to escape by failing in his classes as he garners no interest nor attention from his folks. They only throw money at him. He wants to be loved and to love. He is smart though his silence makes others think otherwise.
MORTY:
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: He is a 60 year old man with thick curly grey-black hair. He has a few pounds to lose from desk jockeying. He wears new jeans with no mark on them, athletic shoes, and polyester collared golf shirts.
Internal Journey: To go from loneliness, desperation and depression to active empowerment and secure in himself.
External Journey: To go from poor, alone, and useless to secure financially, in a relationship, and useful with new projects and challenges ahead.
Motivation: I’m not dead, yet. Has no choice but to work with Jax.
Wound: His wife’s and son’s death in an auto crash. Being surplussed from his job.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and to chill and have a dream fulfilled with fun along the way.
Secret: In the past, he always put his love of writing second. Tells jokes so he doesn’t cry. Hot for teacher.
What makes them special? A prime example of a victim of ageism in our society. Classic Gen-X er, knows PCs but hates phone apps, TikTok, and any social media.
What draws us to this character? He’s a modern Don Quixote – outrageous dreamer who learned modern technology but rejects the latest wacked out version of it.
Traits: Honest, dignified, proud, and idealistic (also secondary friendly, loud, strong-willed)
Subtext: Current victim of Ageism who ignores it and acts uncool anyway, wishes he still had a 100% woman (like teacher) and son (like Jax), as his Wife Mabel and son were killed in auto accident
Flaw: He doesn’t listen to Jax (at first), thinks technology of the 90’s is all he needs.
Values: Honesty, Integrity, Pride, Idealism
Irony: He thinks he’s a great writer, but his ideas are out of date. Understands technology but not social media, which he says is for losers.
What makes this the right character for this role? Fish partially out of water. Wants to move forward.
JAX:
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: In his 20’s. Jax is purple-haired renegade loser-clone. He is disinterested in studies, often wears leather gear or surfer dude flip flops.
Internal Journey: From insecure and disinterested to secure and confident and engaged.
External Journey: From loser and loner to competent and one who can give love.
Motivation: Has no choice but to work with Morty. Hates Morty’s old beater car, Mabel, and wants him to get the prize money to fix it up.
Wound: His parents withhold love from him.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and be able to express his love for his ex-co-worker and her kid.
Secret: He is really smart and caring. He has a Dad-crush on Melanie’s little boy.
What makes them special? He doesn’t realize that he is dismissive of someone who is equally caring.
What draws us to this character? He’s a not-spoiled rich boy, spurned by his father and lost his mother. Now he’s a calm but disinterested dropout. He wants some love from his dad.
Traits: geeky, invisible, underachiever, self-possessed, unconventionally intelligent (says “2+2 = 12” “What? You crazy?” “In base 2 it is. Ha-ha.”
Subtext: He does care, but is angry at his father all the time and takes it out on people.
Flaw: Hates his family money, no confidence in himself
Values: Honesty. Integrity, Independence, Generous
Irony: He’d like to be a good father to a kid he didn’t father, He sees his father in Morty at first but realizes he’s nothing like him.
What makes this the right character for this role? Secretly, Jax would like to change, as well. But he wants to wound his dad as payback for his dad hurting him. He also does not have a good role model to help him move forward.
These two characters, Morty and Jax, fit together despite their diffferences, and are more alike than one might think.
Morty and Jax are each other’s Change Agent: – They are each other’s antagonist. They will cause each other to change.
Other Characters:
Supporting characters:
The Teacher of the Class: She, in a sub-sense, is kind of an antagonist, too. She is attractive, empowered, and tough as nails having been an Army Ranger. Her name, Bella Bustamante, is bastardized by her class as Mz. Ball Buster. She teaches Screenwriting, Extreme Abs Training, and Belly Dancing.
Melanie and her young son, Kyle. —This is Jax’s friend and ex-coworker in the coffee shop.
The waitress at the diner.
Also, Morty’s jalopy-Mabel, his old beater car is a character in the movie, too.
Minor roles:
Background characters: Other students in the class. Jax’s parents.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Mary and Rich’s Character Profiles Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is the great way to brainstorm and build characters. Bit by bit, little by little one can add and subtract traits as one goes along. Sometimes the results of the brainstorming are surprising, even when you thought you knew who the characters were.
Genre: “Morty and Jax” is a comedy/buddy movie.
A few sentences on these characters (both Underdogs):
MORTY – Morty is a little bit of a Dreamer and a little bit of a Victim.
Morty is a victim of life. He has just been surplused from his job. His wife is dead. He is alone and lonely. He is older and feels the prejudice of ageism against him. He is desperate to fulfill a lifelong dream of writing a movie. Morty has been loved, and has matured accordingly.
JAX – Jax is part Victim and part Runner.
Jax is a victim of his uncaring parents and their wealth. He tries to run by failing in his classes as he garners no interest nor attention from his folks. They only throw money at him. He wants to be loved and to love.
MORTY:
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: He is a 60 year old man with thick curly grey-black hair. He has a few pounds to lose. Likes to wear new jeans with not a mark on them. He likes athletic shoes as well as polyester collared golf shirts.
Internal Journey: To go from loneliness, desperation and depression to active empowerment and secure in himself.
External Journey: To go from poor, alone, and useless to secure financially, in a relationship, and useful with new projects and challenges ahead.
Motivation: I’m not dead, yet. Has no choice but to work with Jax.
Wound: His wife’s and son’s death in an auto crash. Being surplussed from his job.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and to chill.
Secret: He has always shelved his love of writing.
What makes them special? A prime example of a victim of ageism in our society.
What draws us to this character? He’s a modern Don Quixote – outrageous dreamer who learned modern technology but rejects it.
Traits: Honest, dignified, proud, and idealistic (also secondary friendly, loud, strong-willed)
Subtext: Current victim of Ageism who ignores it and acts uncool anyway, wishes he still had a 100% woman (like teacher) and son (like Jax), as his Wife Mabel and son were killed in auto accident
Flaw: He doesn’t listen to Jax (at first), thinks technology of the 70’s is all he needs.
Values: Honesty, Integrity, Pride, Idealism
Irony: He thinks he’s a great writer, but his ideas are out of date. Understands technology but not social media, which he says is for losers.
What makes this the right character for this role? Fish partially out of water. Wants to move forward.
JAX:
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: In his 20’s. Jax is purple-haired renegade loser-type. He is disinterested in studies. He often wears leather gear or surfer dude flip flops.
Internal Journey: From insecure and disinterested to secure and confident and engaged.
External Journey: From loser and loner to competent and one who can give love.
Motivation: Has no choice but to work with Morty.
Wound: His parents withhold love from him.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and be able to express his love for his ex-co-worker and her kid.
Secret: He is really smart and caring.
What makes them special? He doesn’t realize that he is dismissive of someone who is equally caring.
What draws us to this character? He’s a not-spoiled rich boy, spurned by his father and lost his mother. Now he’s a calm but disinterested dropout. He wants some love from his dad.
Traits: geeky, invisible, underachiever, self-possessed, unconventionally intelligent (says “2+2 = 12” “What? You crazy?” “In base 2 it is. Ha-ha.”
Subtext: He does care, but is angry at his father all the time and takes it out on people.
Flaw: Hates his family money, no confidence in himself
Values: Honesty. Integrity, Independence, Generous
Irony: He’d like to be a good father to a kid he didn’t father, He sees his father in Morty at first but realizes he’s nothing like him.
What makes this the right character for this role? Secretly, Jax would like to change, as well. But he wants to wound his dad as payback for his dad hurting him. He also does not have a good role model to help him move forward.
These two characters, Morty and Jax, fit together despite their diffferences, and are more alike than one might think.
Morty and Jax are each other’s Change Agent: – They are each other’s antagonist. They will cause each other to change.
Other Characters:
Supporting characters:
The Teacher of the Class: She, in a sub-sense, is kind of an antagonist, too. She is attractive, empowered, and tough as nails having been a previous Army Sergeant.
Melanie and her young son, Kyle. —This is Jax’s friend and ex-coworker in the coffee shop.
The waitress at the diner.
Also, Morty’s jalopy-Mabel, his old beater car is a character in the movie, too.
Minor roles:
Background characters: Other students in the class. Jax’s parents.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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1. Name (s) and background (s)
Hello we’re Mary and Rich Chamberlin, a dynamic collaborative writing team. We have taken many ScreenwritingU classes, and are ProSeries Alumni. We have taken the Thriller class, as well as Subtext Secrets, Comedy Writing, Writing Assignments, Killer Action Scripts, Creating Roles for Movie Stars, Contained movies and Advanced Dialogue. (we loved them all! and have used the methods in all our writing).
Here’s our writing background: We are award winning children’s book authors of, “Mama Panya’s Pancakes” which recently was named one of Jennifer Garner’s Top 6 picture books and has been featured in Better Homes and Gardens (compared favorably to Disney’s “Up”) and countless benefit and educational efforts. We authored two graphic novels for The Hero Initiative, a charity organization of the comic book industry, and a 3rd is in the works for next year C2E2. Also network reps for Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators in Western Suburbs of Chicago.
Mary went to Columbia College in Chicago and worked in corporate television and has produced and edited many corporate videos, music videos and several documentaries. Rich went to Illinois Institute of Technology and is an engineer by trade, working with Cloud technology which has amazing applications.
2. How many scripts you’ve written?
We have completed 5 movie scripts so far., and 5 Graphic Novels for 3 different series being marketed. Although not screenplays per se they are similar in format. We have no scripts sold or optioned, or movies produced yet.
3.. What you hope to get out of the class?
We took this class to finish a screenplay, within 30 days and learn fast writing methods, so
that we can work faster to completion of our projects.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
We’ve created pottery renditions of many of our story characters, as templates for our characters.
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Mary and Rich’s Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that everytime we look at the writing process in this way, we learn to make it more detailed and we also surprise ourselves with things we never thought of.
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
MORTY – Morty is a little bit of a Dreamer and a little bit of a Victim.
Morty is a victim of life. He has just been surplused from his job as a firefighter. His wife is dead. He is alone and lonely. He is older and feels the prejudice of ageism against him. He is desperate to fulfill a lifelong dream of
writing a movie. Morty has been loved, and has grown accordingly.
JAX – Jax is part Victim and part Runner.
Jax is a victim of his uncaring parents and their wealth. He tries to run by failing in his classes as he garners no
interest nor attention from his folks. They only throw money at him. He wants to be loved and to love.
3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Change Agent – Both, Morty and Jax are each other’s antagonist. They will cause each other to change.
In a sub-sense, the teacher of the class is kind of an antagonistic teacher. She is attractive, empowered, and tough
as nails having been a previous Army Sergeant.
4. What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters: Jax’s friend and ex-coworker in the coffee shop, Melanie and her young son. Theb waitress at the diner. Also, Morty’s jalopy-Mabel, his old beater car.
Minor roles:
Background characters: Other students in the class. Jax’s parents.
5. Pick your genre.
Comedy/Buddy Movie
6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
MORTY:
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: He is a 60 year old man with thick curly grey-black hair. He has a few pounds to lose. Likes
to wear new jeans with not a mark on them. He likes athletic shoes as well as polyester collared golf shirts.
Internal Journey: To go from loneliness, desperation and depression to active empowerment and secure in himself.
External Journey: To go from poor, alone, and useless to secure financially, in a relationship, and useful with new projects and challenges ahead.
Motivation: I’m not dead, yet. Has no choice but to work with Jax.
Wound: His wife’s death from 911 complications. Being surplussed from his job.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and to chill.
Secret: He has always shelved his love of writing.
What makes them special? A prime example of a victim of ageism in our society.
JAX
Role in the story: Protagonist/Antagonist
Age range and Description: In his 20’s. Jax is spikey-haired renegade loser-type. He is disinterested in studies.
He often wears leather gear or surfer dude flip flops.
Internal Journey: From insecure and disinterested to secure and confident and engaged.
External Journey: From loser and loner to competent and one who can give love.
Motivation: Has no choice but to work with Morty.
Wound: His parents withhold love from him.
Mission/Agenda: To find purpose and be able to express his love for his ex-co-worker and her kid.
Secret: He is really smart and caring.
What makes them special? He doesn’t realize that he is dismissive of someone who is equally caring.
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Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Script Transformational Journey
What we learned doing this assignment is brainstorming the internal and external journey of each of our main (protagonist) characters allows us to envision the comedic scenes that will organically sprout from these ironic setups.
Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
Morty, a 60 YO widowed and recently downsized fireman who is 1 class short of earning his bachelor of arts degree, hocks everything except his jalopy and returns to college and his passion, writing screenplays. In Screenwriting 420 class he’s paired with Jax, a 20-something goof-off with an attitude, to complete a collaborative project, but their divergent POVs makes it likely they won’t make it to end of semester (let alone opening night) alive.
Morty
Internal Journey: From disillusioned, desperate and stuck in the past to relishing and celebrating a new life journey – of hope and letting go.
External Journey: From ignored cast off who’s out of sync with the world to a cool dude full of life.
Jax
Internal Journey: From unmotivated and introverted TO having a great purpose and ready to show the world.
External Journey: From throw away who is too timid/unconfident to seek love TO accepting responsibility for himself and others he loves.
3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
Morty
Old: Throw away, naive, lonely, desperate, tech handicapped, disillusioned, stubbornly brave
New: Learns skills anew, Welcomes new love, unconditionally brave, collaborative
Jax
Old: Throw away, unmotivated, introverted, a bit desperate
New: Becomes brave, develops self worth, lets his talent shine, lets go of parental approval, collaborative
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by