[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Project and Market
Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.
Genre: Family Drama with magical elements
Title: Dig Deep

Concept: When two girls accidentally summon a 19th-century Black Cowboy, they see him as their ticket to victory in a science competition, until they realize their actions could erase his historic archeological discovery.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.
Although time travel and history has been used to make history personal for kids, this is about bringing a hidden story and hidden scientist into the future and relates to issues kids face today about the relevance of their culture’s history in a playful way.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.
Will target Producers first since this the main protagonists are 11 year old girls.
4. Answer the question “What I learned today is to be succinct, give the concept and remember, this is about business decisions…look for open doors. ”

• This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Structure Solutions!
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

I learned that I can really go deep, and ahead of myself on this grid of solutions. I found myself getting into perfectionism and needed to remind myself that this is a 2nd pass structure pass. I’ll come back to this with more chances to revise.
Structure solutions:
•moved scenes around so inciting incident would be at page 10
•realized I needed a new scene for something more powerful for the Act 1 turning point – wrote that.
•moved scenes around so that the Act 1 turning point comes at Page 30
•Analyzed Act 1 to make sure everything is established. A couple of things were not fully established, so I put these in. Also, I saw inconsistencies, in how 1 character is portrayed so worked and am working on that.
•The midpoint is generally good in structure, maybe come back to that.
•The all is lost point could use more pain. It seems to get resolved too quickly.
•The final scene needs to tie up things more. Come back to it when looking at set-ups and pay-offs.
•consider heightening personal stakes for protagonist.
•Subplot could be started earlier. .. come back to this.
•On the individual scene problem/solution grid – right now I’m looking to fix scenes that don’t advance the story or accomplish more than 1 purpose to fix those.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Has Finished Act 4
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
YAY! It really is the case that now I can see the whole story…as patchwork as it is, I did it and now on to Draft 2.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Continues Act 4
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
Almost finished. What I learned is that it’s so much easier now to avoid trying to do too much when writing than I was doing at the beginning.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Started Act 4
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

Doing well. Almost done but think I’ll eventually be changing the last scene.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary is Finishing Act 3
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
Thank you. I tried working in small chunks but did the brainstorming in the afternoon for the next day after I wrote a scene. I’m also celebrating each scene and finding new story aspects

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Continuing Act 3
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
I found that if I was stuck on a scene and it wasn’t flowing, that I brainstormed it during one session, and then slept on it and wrote it the next session and it came and flowed much more easily.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Began Act 3
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
A good reminder to ignore the inner critique. Moving ahead.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Completed Act 2
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
It feels good to have completed this…moving on

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Continuing Act 2
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
Yes, it’s a good reminder to stop word smithing. I tend to read over what I wrote the day before and wordsmith a little before I go one.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Began Act 2
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
10 minute timer turned into 2 more but got the scene done.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Finished Act 1
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
I learned that I had more scenes than I needed in the first act. I will need to edit and move some parts to the 2nd act on the next draft. It’s all good.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Next Act 1 Scenes
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

I found that setting a goal of # of scenes and writing every day is the best process for me.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

I wrote 3 pretty mediocre pages in 30 minutes for 1 scene. Yay. This was mostly conversation, but there’s at least 1-2 good dialog lines in there. I also found I had ideas as I went along. So I put these in notes to come back to later.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s High Speed Writing Rules
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I really have to remind myself not to go back and tinker.
Printing out the high speed writing rules and keeping these in front of me really helps. I’m not as fast as I’d like to be but I’m practicing with setting a timer.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s First Scene
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that having the outline and descriptions ready to go is helpful.
On the process, I spent a fair amount of time getting the script outline in my screenwriting program, but feel this will be useful as I go forward. After these first few months of focusing on the structure, I found myself nervous to actually write something on paper. Once I talked to myself and reminded myself that this is a first draft, then just made myself do it, it flowed. Getting over the hurdle to start writing was the biggest hurdle for me.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi All, I have the following. If you'd like to exchange please email me.
Title: Symphony in Color 

Written By: Mary Spiers

Email address: mspierswriter@verizon.net

Genre: Drama with fantasy elements

Concept: When a musician is struck by lightening, her new ability to see sounds leads her into the wilderness to search for a musical secret to break a generational curse.


• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
What I learned: With each revision moving forward I have more breakthroughs. I went back and forth between my outlines and act structure, realizing things I had not included.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
INT. CONCERT HALL – STAGE – NIGHT
Description: Ava performs a complex violin solo, demonstrating her technical skill but any emotional expression results in physical pain.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The storm outside is visible through large windows behind the stage, adding an ominous atmosphere as Ava begins her performance.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava starts to feel the physical pain as she connects emotionally, her subtle winces and slight pauses hinting at her struggle.
End: Mystery – The performance ends with Ava in visible pain, leaving the audience and viewers wondering what caused her distress, as applause fills the hall.

INT. CONCERT HALL – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Description: After the concert, Ava bypasses socializing with fellow musicians, opting to sit alone backstage.
Beginning: Misinterpretation – Fellow musicians invite Ava to celebrate, misinterpreting her solitude as shyness.
Middle: Internal Dilemma – Ava struggles with her desire to connect versus her need to be alone to manage her pain.
End: Suspense – Ava sits alone, staring at her violin case, as the storm intensifies outside, hinting at her inner turmoil and what might come next.

EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Description: Ava walks home alone, lost in her thoughts and music, and is struck by lightning.
Beginning: Intrigue – The storm grows stronger, and Ava’s preoccupation with her thoughts and music creates an eerie tension.
Middle: Suspense – Lightning flashes around Ava, heightening the sense of impending danger.
End: Surprise – Ava is suddenly struck by lightning, dramatically altering her senses.

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Description: Ava awakens in the hospital, confused and disoriented, realizes her senses have changed and is told she has synesthesia.
Beginning: Mystery – Ava wakes up to chaotic hospital sounds, which she perceives as vivid colors, confusing her.
Middle: Internal Dilemma – Ava grapples with fear and curiosity about her new perceptions.
End: Reveal – A doctor explains her condition, revealing she has synesthesia, leaving her and the audience curious about what this means for her future.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Description: Seeking solace, Ava spends time alone in the park, researches synesthesia and decides to seek healing and find answers.
Beginning: Intrigue – Ava isolates herself in the park, experimenting with her new senses, creating a visually captivating scene.
Middle: Internal Dilemma – Ava struggles to accept her new reality, researching synesthesia and feeling torn between fear and hope.
End: Uncertainty – Ava decides to seek help at a retreat center, leaving viewers unsure about what she will discover there.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: Ava arrives at the wilderness retreat, meeting Diana Wildroot, and reluctantly decides to stay despite her skepticism about sound healing.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The retreat’s natural and serene setting contrasts sharply with Ava’s urban background.
Middle: Superior Position – The audience senses Diana knows more about Ava’s condition than she reveals, creating tension.
End: Uncertainty – Ava decides to stay, her guarded optimism leaving viewers curious about the retreat’s impact on her.

Act 2: Mastery and Deception
EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY
Description: Diana teaches Ava to use her synesthetic perceptions to create visual-aural maps, creating a bond.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The lesson starts by a serene, babbling brook in the forest, making the setting visually engaging and calming.
Middle: Intrigue – Diana hints at her deep knowledge of Ava’s condition and family history, piquing Ava’s curiosity.
End: Internal Dilemma – Ava feels a mix of hope and fear as she begins to harness her new senses under Diana’s guidance, struggling with the pain that sometimes comes with it.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – MAIN HALL – DAY
Description: Eli conducts a powerful demonstration of the "Special Note," convincing the group of its healing powers, but Ava remains skeptical.
Beginning: Superior Position – The audience knows Eli’s reputation as a charismatic leader, setting high expectations for the demonstration.
Middle: Mystery – Eli’s demonstration creates a mesmerizing atmosphere, but Ava’s lack of synesthetic response raises questions.
End: Misinterpretation – The crowd is convinced of the "Special Note’s" power, while Ava’s skepticism grows, hinting at potential deception.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – WOODS – DAY
Description: Ava trains alone, trying to connect her synesthetic perceptions with the natural environment, finding both frustration and fleeting moments of harmony.
Beginning: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava struggles visibly with her synesthetic perceptions, feeling out of place in the natural setting.
Middle: Surprise – Ava has a sudden breakthrough where she briefly manages to map a sound to a color, surprising herself.
End: Cliffhanger – Just as she starts to understand her abilities, something distracts her, leaving her progress hanging in the balance.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DINING HALL – NIGHT
Description: Ava experiences a painful synesthetic overload during dinner, causing a scene that Eli uses to demonstrate her need for his guidance.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The cozy dining hall contrasts with the brewing tension within Ava, creating a layered atmosphere.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava’s synesthetic overload becomes unbearable, causing a scene in front of everyone.
End: Mislead/Reveal – Eli steps in, appearing to help but subtly suggesting her condition proves her need for his guidance, misleading her and the others about his true intentions.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: Ava takes a solitary walk, using her synesthesia to explore and connect with music and the environment in new ways. She begins to play with a color/sound symphony.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Ava wanders through the most visually striking parts of the retreat, with nature’s beauty enhancing her synesthetic experience.
Middle: Surprise – She discovers a natural spot where the sounds and colors align perfectly, creating a spontaneous symphony.
End: Cliffhanger – Just as she’s getting lost in the beauty of her newfound abilities, she hears something unsettling in the distance, leaving her exploration interrupted.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: Eli has a 1:1 session with Ava, during which he tries to deepen her commitment to his teachings.
Beginning: Superior Position – Eli uses flattery to put Ava at ease, knowing she craves validation.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava begins to feel uneasy as Eli’s intentions become more evident, creating a tense atmosphere.
End: Mislead/Reveal – Eli’s persuasive tactics make Ava momentarily consider his offer before she experiences a painful reaction, leading her to question his motives again.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT LIBRARY – NIGHT
Description: In the retreat's library, Ava researches the elusive "Special Note," uncovering conflicting information that deepens her doubt.
Beginning: Mystery – Ava finds ancient, cryptic texts and notes about the "Special Note," setting up a puzzle for her to solve.
Middle: Intrigue – As she delves deeper, she finds inconsistencies and conflicting accounts, heightening her suspicion.
End: Surprise – Ava uncovers a key piece of information that suggests the "Special Note" might be a fabrication, leaving her with more questions.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DIANA'S OFFICE – DAY
Description: Diana reveals parts of her past with the family curse to Ava, deepening their bond but leaving some truths hidden.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Diana’s office is filled with old artifacts and heirlooms, hinting at a rich, hidden history.
Middle: Intrigue – Diana shares personal stories that resonate deeply with Ava, but hints at larger, untold truths.
End: Cliffhanger – Diana stops short of revealing everything, leaving Ava curious and anxious to learn more about the curse.

INT. AVA'S CABIN – NIGHT
Description: In a quiet moment, Diana brews a tea that induces a vivid, symbolic dream in Ava, revealing deep subconscious insights.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The cozy, dimly lit cabin filled with herbal aromas sets a mystical mood.
Middle: Surprise – Ava’s dream is filled with vivid, symbolic imagery that provides unexpected insights.
End: Cliffhanger – Ava wakes up feeling enlightened but also confused and anxious to understand the dream’s full meaning.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – ELI'S OFFICE – NIGHT
Description: Eli subtly coerces Ava to commit to a deeper involvement in his teachings, using flattery and veiled threats.
Beginning: Superior Position – Eli’s office is imposing and filled with symbols of power, making Ava feel small.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Eli’s flattery turns to veiled threats, making Ava feel trapped and manipulated.
End: Cliffhanger – Ava reluctantly agrees to deepen her involvement, but the look on her face shows her growing fear and doubt.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: Ava believes she has mastered the "Special Note," but her success is shattered when she learns it was an illusion orchestrated by Eli, and Diana is missing.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Ava performs in an idyllic, secluded part of the retreat, believing she has found the "Special Note."
Middle: Major Twist – Ava overhears a suspicious conversation revealing Eli’s deception.
End: Cliffhanger – Realizing the truth about Eli’s manipulation, Ava discovers Diana is missing, leaving her feeling betrayed and alone.

Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Description: Using her refined synesthetic abilities, Ava follows a colorful trail through the woods, discovering important clues about Diana's whereabouts.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Ava starts in a dense, misty part of the woods, where the colors she perceives seem to blend into the environment, creating a surreal atmosphere.
Middle: Suspense – As Ava follows the colorful trail, she hears eerie sounds and sees fleeting shadows, heightening the tension and her sense of urgency.
End: Reveal – Ava finds a significant clue left by Diana, such as a personal item or a symbolic marking, providing a sense of hope and direction.

EXT. WOODS – DAY
Description: Ava attempts to use her synesthesia to confront Eli in the woods, but her plan fails, forcing her to retreat and rethink her strategy.
Beginning: Superior Position – Ava believes she has the upper hand with her abilities, creating a sense of confidence as she approaches Eli.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava's synesthetic abilities start to falter under Eli's manipulative defenses, making her feel vulnerable and exposed.
End: Cliffhanger – Ava is forced to retreat, realizing she underestimated Eli, leaving her and the audience in suspense about her next move.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – SECRET ROOM – NIGHT
Description: Ava discovers a hidden room filled with old artifacts and documents that reveal the origins and nature of the family curse.
Beginning: Mystery – Ava stumbles upon the entrance to the hidden room, shrouded in shadows and secrecy.
Middle: Intrigue – Inside, Ava finds ancient artifacts and cryptic documents that gradually reveal the curse’s origins.
End: Reveal – Ava uncovers a pivotal piece of information about the curse, leaving her both enlightened and burdened by the new knowledge.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – FOREST – NIGHT
Description: In a tense meeting in the forest, Ava and Diana strategize their next move against Eli, ultimately reconciling and strengthening their bond.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The meeting takes place in a secluded, moonlit clearing, adding a mystical atmosphere.
Middle: Intrigue – As they discuss their strategy, Diana reveals deeper insights into their family history and Eli’s tactics, adding layers to the conversation.
End: Cliffhanger – Their plan is set, but the scene ends with an unsettling sound or movement in the forest, suggesting they are not alone.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Description: During a heartfelt conversation, Diana reveals her true identity to Ava, fostering a deeper familial bond and understanding.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – They sit by a small, glowing campfire in the middle of the woods, creating an intimate and reflective setting.
Middle: Surprise – Diana reveals her true identity as Ava’s grandmother, shocking Ava and deepening the emotional stakes.
End: Intrigue – The revelation reshapes Ava’s understanding of her past, leaving her with mixed emotions and a stronger bond with Diana.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT MAIN HALL – NIGHT
Description: Ava integrates her wilderness skills with her synesthetic abilities, devising a plan to confront Eli and expose the “Special Note” as a fraud.

Beginning: Superior Position – Ava meticulously prepares her tools and strategies, showcasing her newfound confidence and readiness.
Middle: Suspense – As she finalizes her preparations, Ava reflects on her journey and the stakes, heightening the tension.
End: Cliffhanger – Ava steps out of the hall, ready to confront Eli, leaving the audience anticipating the showdown.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – HEALING ROOM – NIGHT
Description: Ava and Diana perform an intense ritual that temporarily suppresses the curse, giving Ava hope.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The healing room is filled with ancient symbols, candles, and herbs, creating a sacred and intense atmosphere.
Middle: Suspense – The ritual is physically and emotionally taxing, with moments where it seems like they might fail.
End: Reveal – The curse is temporarily suppressed, giving Ava a moment of relief and hope, but the temporary nature leaves a lingering tension.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – FOREST – NIGHT
Description: During a severe storm, Ava navigates through the forest, overwhelmed by the violent clash of lightning and the synesthetic chaos it causes.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The forest is bathed in the eerie light of the storm, with lightning illuminating the trees in a haunting way.
Middle: Suspense – Ava’s synesthetic perceptions turn the storm into a terrifying sensory overload, with colors and sounds clashing violently.
End: Cliffhanger – Ava collapses, utterly debilitated by the storm’s onslaught, leaving her fate uncertain and the audience on edge.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – FOREST – NIGHT
Description: Eli exploits Ava’s vulnerable state to deepen her doubts about breaking the curse.
Beginning: Superior Position – The audience knows Eli’s manipulative nature, creating tension as Ava confronts him.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Eli skillfully manipulates Ava’s doubts, making her feel increasingly vulnerable.
End: Cliffhanger – Eli’s words leave Ava questioning her ability to break the curse, increasing her internal conflict.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – SACRED GROUNDS – NIGHT
Description: During the peak of the celestial event, Ava performs a powerful symphonic piece that visually and sonically interacts with the environment, breaking the curse.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The celestial event creates an otherworldly backdrop as Ava begins her performance.
Middle: Suspense – Ava’s music and visuals intensify, with the audience unsure if she will succeed in breaking the curse.
End: Triumphant Relief – The curse is broken as Ava reaches the climax of her symphony, and she realizes her full potential, leaving her and the audience in a state of triumphant relief.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – CLEARING – DAY
Description: Ava faces Eli Sanden in a climactic showdown, utilizing her synesthetic abilities and her connection to the wilderness.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The clearing is filled with natural beauty, contrasting with the intensity of the upcoming showdown.
Middle: Suspense – Ava’s abilities and Sanden’s manipulations clash in a dramatic battle, with the outcome hanging in the balance.
End: Triumphant Relief – Ava gains the upper hand and defeats Sanden, solidifying her mastery and connection to the wilderness.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – HEALING ROOM – NIGHT
Description: After defeating Sanden, Ava and Diana perform a ritual that reveals the true origins of the curse, leading to a profound revelation and healing.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – The healing room is filled with ancient symbols and artifacts, creating a sacred atmosphere.
Middle: Intrigue – Diana reveals her role in the curse, providing deep insights and shocking revelations.
End: Triumphant Relief – The ritual lifts the curse, leading to an emotional and healing resolution for Ava and Diana.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: As the new guardian, Ava takes charge of the retreat, facing her responsibilities with newfound confidence and a sense of purpose.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Ava stands in a serene part of the retreat, ready to begin her new role.
Middle: Uncomfortable Moment – Ava faces initial challenges and doubts, testing her leadership skills.
End: Triumphant Relief – Ava embraces her responsibilities with confidence, symbolizing her growth and readiness for the future.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY
Description: In a reflective moment, Ava contemplates her journey from isolation to empowerment, looking forward with hope and determination.
Beginning: More Interesting Setting – Ava sits in a peaceful, sunlit room filled with mementos from her journey, creating a reflective atmosphere.
Middle: Intrigue – Ava reflects on pivotal moments and lessons learned, deepening the audience’s connection to her journey.
End: Triumphant Relief – Ava feels a sense of peace and purpose, looking forward to the future with determination and hope.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Scene Requirements
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
What I learned: very helpful exercise. I can tell how it will help going forward.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
INT. CONCERT HALL – STAGE – NIGHT

Ava performs a complex violin solo, demonstrating her technical skill but lack of emotional expression.
Scene Arc: Begins with Ava focused and emotionally detached during her performance, ends with her feeling physical and emotional pain despite applause.
Essence: Ava’s performance showcases her technical prowess but hints at her hidden pain related to curse.
Conflict: Ava’s internal struggle between her musical skill and her emotional disconnect.
Subtext: Ava’s perfect performance contrasts her pain.
Hope/Fear: Hope that music might fill her emotional void, fear it only highlights her pain.

INT. CONCERT HALL – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT

After the concert, Ava bypasses socializing with fellow musicians, opting to sit alone backstage.
Scene Arc: Starts with Ava bypassing celebration invitations, ends with her sitting alone, contemplating her isolation.
Essence: Ava chooses solitude over celebration, reflecting her deep-seated loneliness.
Conflict: Ava versus her social withdrawal.
Subtext: Her solitude is both a comfort and a prison.
Hope/Fear: Fear that her loneliness is unchangeable, hope that solitude provides needed reflection.

EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT

Ava walks home alone, lost in her thoughts and music, just before the lightning strike.
Scene Arc: Ava walking home in the storm, initially calm, ends dramatically with her being struck by lightning.
Essence: A transformative moment where Ava’s senses are altered, giving sounds color.
Conflict: Ava against the sudden and violent change in her perception.
Subtext: The lightning strike as a violent but necessary awakening to new possibilities.
Hope/Fear: Fear of the sudden change, hope this might lead to a deeper understanding of herself.

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Confused and disoriented, Ava awakens in the hospital, her senses overwhelmed by a symphony of colors.
Scene Arc: Begins with Ava waking up confused and scared, ends with her curiosity piqued by her new perceptions.
Essence: Ava confronts her new synesthetic perception for the first time.
Conflict: Ava’s fear of her altered senses versus her growing fascination.
Subtext: The hospital’s chaos mirrors her internal confusion and fear.
Hope/Fear: Hope for mastering this new ability, fear it is a permanent, overwhelming change.

EXT. PARK – DAY

Seeking solace, Ava spends time alone in the park, trying to make sense of her new synesthetic experiences.
Scene Arc: Begins with Ava seeking isolation and ends with her decision to leave the city.
Essence: Ava isolates herself to experiment with her synesthesia.
Conflict: Ava’s internal battle with accepting her new reality.
Subtext: Her isolation reflects her detachment from the world.
Hope/Fear: Hope to find peace, fear that she won’t cope.

INT. AVA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Late at night, Ava delves into online research about synesthesia, seeking to understand her condition.
Scene Arc: Ava researches synesthesia secretly and plans her next steps.
Essence: Ava’s secretive deep dive into understanding synesthesia.
Conflict: Ava vs. the lack of information and fear of disclosure.
Subtext: She’s preparing for a journey both literal and metaphorical.
Hope/Fear: Hope to find answers, fear of the unknown.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT ENTRANCE – DAY

By chance, Ava stumbles upon the entrance to a secluded wilderness retreat, deciding on a whim to enter.
Scene Arc: Ava accidentally discovers the retreat and decides to stay.
Essence: Ava’s accidental discovery of a place that seems like it could be her sanctuary.
Conflict: Ava’s reluctance versus the pull of the retreat’s promise.
Subtext: Destiny is guiding her path more than she realizes.
Hope/Fear: Hope that this place offers healing, fear it’s another dead end.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

Overwhelmed but curious, Ava navigates her first day in the retreat, trying to adjust to her heightened senses.
Scene Arc: Ava arrives overwhelmed by her senses, ends finding a momentary peace in nature’s simplicity.
Essence: Ava’s first tentative steps into a setting that might help her understand her new abilities.
Conflict: Ava’s urban disorientation versus the wilderness’s daunting expanse.
Subtext: The wilderness as a metaphor for Ava’s uncharted emotional landscape.
Hope/Fear: Hope that nature will soothe her turmoil, fear that she is out of her depth.

Act 2: Mastery and Deception
INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

Ava meets Diana, the retreat’s knowledgeable guide who offers to help her understand her synesthetic abilities.
Scene Arc: Ava meets Diana, beginning with caution and ending with trust.
Essence: The first meeting between Ava and Diana, her mentor.
Conflict: Ava’s distrust versus Diana’s welcoming nature.
Subtext: Diana knows more about Ava than she reveals.
Hope/Fear: Hope to learn from Diana, fear of being vulnerable.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY

Under Diana’s guidance, Ava practices tuning her synesthetic senses to natural sounds and sights around the retreat.
Scene Arc: Starts with Ava struggling with her new senses, ends with her starting to harness them with Diana’s help.
Essence: Diana guides Ava in using her synesthesia to connect with nature.
Conflict: Ava’s struggle with control over her perceptions.
Subtext: Each lesson is a step towards independence.
Hope/Fear: Hope that Ava can transform her curse into a gift, fear of failure and madness.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – MAIN HALL – DAY

During a group session, Eli introduces the concept of the “Special Note,” capturing Ava’s interest with its mysterious healing powers.

Scene Arc: Ava is introduced to the “Special Note” concept by Eli, feeling intrigued but skeptical by the end.
Essence: Eli plants the seed of the “Special Note” in Ava’s mind.
Conflict: Eli’s persuasive charm versus Ava’s growing suspicions.
Subtext: Eli’s interest in Ava is more about his gains than her healing.
Hope/Fear: Hope that Eli can help her, fear that his intentions are not altruistic.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – STREAM – DAY

By a flowing stream, Ava learns to associate the sound of water with visual patterns, gradually finding peace and clarity.

Scene Arc: Ava begins confused and disoriented by the natural sounds and ends finding beauty and patterns in them.
Essence: Ava practices mapping sounds to visuals, gaining confidence.
Conflict: Ava’s initial confusion versus her developing skill.
Subtext: The stream’s constant flow parallels Ava’s continuous learning.
Hope/Fear: Hope to make sense of her synesthesia, fear of being overwhelmed forever.

INT. DINING HALL – NIGHT

At a communal dinner, Eli subtly manipulates the seating arrangement, placing Ava next to him to increase his influence over her.

Scene Arc: Dinner scene where Eli manipulates Ava’s seating, ending with her feeling uncomfortably close to him.
Essence: Eli’s manipulation to position Ava next to him.
Conflict: Ava’s discomfort with the unexpected change.
Subtext: Eli is orchestrating Ava’s every step.
Hope/Fear: Fear of Eli’s intentions, hope to keep her autonomy.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

Ava takes a solitary walk, using her synesthesia to explore and connect with the environment in new ways.

Scene Arc: Ava explores the natural environment, ending with her discovering a new way to use her synesthesia.
Essence: Ava’s exploration leads to significant self-discovery.
Conflict: Ava’s struggle with her abilities vs. the environment’s challenges.
Subtext: Nature mirrors her inner journey of growth.
Hope/Fear: Hope to integrate her abilities with nature, fear of being overwhelmed.
INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT LIBRARY – NIGHT

In the retreat’s library, Ava researches the elusive “Special Note,” uncovering conflicting information that deepens her doubt.

Scene Arc: Ava researching the “Special Note,” ending with doubts about its existence.
Essence: Ava uncovers potentially fabricated legends about the “Special Note.”
Conflict: Ava’s desire for truth vs. misleading information.
Subtext: The more she learns, the more she doubts.
Hope/Fear: Hope to uncover truth, fear it’s all a lie.

INT. AVA’S CABIN – NIGHT

In a quiet moment, Diana brews a tea that induces a vivid, symbolic dream in Ava, revealing deep subconscious insights.

Scene Arc: Diana induces a dream in Ava, ending with Ava waking up feeling enlightened but confused.
Essence: Diana uses herbal tea to induce a revealing dream in Ava.
Conflict: Ava’s subconscious revelations clash with her waking understanding.
Subtext: The dream is a metaphor for Ava’s untapped potential and hidden fears.
Hope/Fear: Hope for enlightenment, fear of the dream’s implications.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

After overhearing a suspicious conversation, Ava confronts Eli about his true intentions, challenging his teachings.

Scene Arc: Ava confronts Eli after overhearing a suspicious conversation.
Essence: Ava challenges Eli on his teachings and intentions.
Conflict: Ava’s newfound courage vs. Eli’s manipulative charm.
Subtext: Ava is breaking away from Eli’s influence.
Hope/Fear: Hope to assert her independence, fear of confrontation’s repercussions.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – NIGHT

Eavesdropping on a late-night phone call, Ava discovers Diana might be involved in a larger deception, stirring feelings of betrayal.

Scene Arc: Ava overhears Diana’s secretive phone call, ending with her feeling betrayed.
Essence: Ava discovers Diana might be part of a larger deception.
Conflict: Ava’s trust in Diana vs. the harsh reality.
Subtext: Not all mentors have pure intentions.
Hope/Fear: Fear of betrayal, hope that there’s a good explanation.

Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
EXT. WOODS – DAY

Using her refined synesthetic abilities, Ava follows a colorful trail through the woods, discovering important clues about Diana’s whereabouts.

Scene Arc: Ava follows a color trail using her abilities, ending with her finding a clue left by Diana.
Essence: Ava’s synesthetic navigation leads her to a significant discovery.
Conflict: The challenge of the wilderness vs. Ava’s determination.
Subtext: Each step Ava takes is a step towards her true self.
Hope/Fear: Hope to find Diana, fear of the dangers in her path.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Ava attempts to use her synesthesia to confront Eli in the woods, but her plan fails, forcing her to retreat and rethink her strategy.

Scene Arc: Ava’s failed first attempt to confront Sanden using her abilities.
Essence: Ava testing her mastery of synesthesia under real pressure.
Conflict: Ava’s skills versus Sanden’s manipulative defenses.
Subtext: Ava’s desperation to prove her growth.
Hope/Fear: Hope to assert her new self, fear of inadequacy.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – SECRET ROOM – NIGHT

Ava discovers a hidden room filled with old artifacts and documents that reveal the origins and nature of the family curse.

Scene Arc: Ava enters the room confused and leaves enlightened about the curse’s origins.
Essence: Ava learns the full extent of the curse and its implications.
Conflict: Ava’s confrontation with her lineage’s dark past.
Subtext: Learning about the curse is akin to opening Pandora’s box.
Hope/Fear: Hope to end the curse, fear of its deeper consequences.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – FOREST – NIGHT

In a tense meeting in the forest, Ava and Diana strategize their next move against Eli, ultimately reconciling and strengthening their bond.

Scene Arc: Planning the confrontation starts tentatively but ends with a solid strategy and reconciliation.
Essence: Ava and Diana plan their final move against Sanden.
Conflict: The urgency of their plan against their emotional turmoil.
Subtext: Their planning underscores a ritual of forgiveness and readiness.
Hope/Fear: Hope to triumph over Sanden, fear of falling into his traps.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

During a heartfelt conversation, Diana reveals her true identity to Ava, fostering a deeper familial bond and understanding.

Scene Arc: Diana reveals her true identity to Ava, ending with a strengthened bond.
Essence: Diana admits she is Ava’s grandmother, deepening their connection.
Conflict: Ava’s shock vs. her acceptance of Diana.
Subtext: This revelation reshapes everything Ava knew.
Hope/Fear: Hope for a deeper family connection, fear of the new emotional complexity.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT MAIN HALL – NIGHT

Focused and determined, Ava prepares for her final confrontation with Eli, drawing on all her learned skills and insights.

Scene Arc: Ava prepares for the final showdown, ending with her stepping out to face Eli.
Essence: Ava harnesses her synesthetic abilities for the confrontation.
Conflict: Ava’s final preparations vs. her internal doubts.
Subtext: Ava is arming herself not just with powers, but with knowledge.
Hope/Fear: Hope to defeat Eli, fear of his power over her.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT GROUNDS – NIGHT

In a dramatic and visually stunning duel, Ava uses her synesthetic abilities to confront and ultimately defeat Eli.

Scene Arc: The ultimate showdown between Ava and Eli, starting with tension and ending with Ava’s victory.
Essence: Ava uses her synesthesia in a climactic duel to defeat Eli.
Conflict: Ava’s mastery of her abilities vs. Eli’s manipulative tactics.
Subtext: This battle is not just physical but symbolic of her overcoming her past.
Hope/Fear: Hope to end Eli’s influence, fear of failing and his continued control.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – HEALING ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Diana perform a ritual that finally lifts the curse, bringing healing and renewal to their family and the land.

Scene Arc: Starts with the heavy atmosphere of the curse, ends with its uplifting removal.
Essence: The ritual that lifts the family curse and heals past wounds.
Conflict: The emotional burden of the curse against the hope of its removal.
Subtext: The ritual is symbolic of Ava and Diana healing their fractured family.
Hope/Fear: Hope for renewal, fear that the curse’s effects are irreversible.
EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

As the new guardian, Ava takes charge of the retreat, facing her responsibilities with newfound confidence and a sense of purpose.

Scene Arc: Ava takes on her new role as the protector of the wilderness retreat.
Essence: Ava steps forward as a new leader, fully embracing her role.
Conflict: Ava’s new responsibilities versus her past insecurities.
Subtext: Ava is now the mentor, the leader she once needed.
Hope/Fear: Hope to lead well, fear of the challenges ahead.

EXT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

Fully accepting her role, Ava begins her first day as the leader of the retreat, ready to face any challenges that come her way.

Scene Arc: Ava begins her new role with uncertainty, ends embracing her responsibilities with confidence.
Essence: Ava steps up as the new guardian of the wilderness retreat.
Conflict: Ava’s initial doubt versus her final acceptance of her new role.
Subtext: Ava’s acceptance marks the dawn of a new era for the retreat.
Hope/Fear: Hope for a successful future, fear of repeating past mistakes.

INT. WILDERNESS RETREAT – DAY

In a reflective moment, Ava contemplates her journey from isolation to empowerment, looking forward with hope and determination.

Scene Arc: The final scene where Ava reflects on her journey, ending with a sense of peace and purpose.
Essence: Ava contemplates her journey and the lessons learned, looking forward to the future.
Conflict: Reflection vs. anticipation.
Subtext: Ava’s journey is both an end and a beginning.
Hope/Fear: Hope for the future, acknowledgment of past pains.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Intriguing Moments
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.
What I learned: This follows nicely from the reveals at time but interestingly there are new aspects of intrigue that came up by doing this exercise.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Secret (Intrigue) – Ava’s Hidden Pain: During Ava’s performance, she experiences overwhelming sensory pain linked to her music, which she hides from everyone around her. This secret struggle sets the stage for her journey, hinting at deeper, unexplained phenomena affecting her life.
Hidden Identity (Intrigue) – Diana’s Initial Ambiguity: When Ava first meets Diana, there's a subtle hint that Diana knows more about Ava than she lets on. This moment includes Diana making veiled references to Ava's family, suggesting a hidden connection that Diana is not yet willing to disclose.

Act 2: Mastery and Deception
Curse (Mystery). When Ava hears about the curse, besides wondering what it is, neither Ava nor the audience knows exactly what it is or how it came about.
Conspiracy (Intrigue) – Eli’s Whispered Conversations: Eli is seen having secretive discussions with unidentified figures at the retreat, suggesting a conspiracy. These moments are shown in fragmented glimpses to Ava, who begins to feel paranoid and suspicious of the motivations behind Eli's mentorship.
Scheme (Intrigue) – The Special Note’s Dubious Origins: As Ava delves deeper into the concept of the "Special Note," she finds old, obscure references in the retreat’s library that hint at its existence but also suggest it might be a fabricated legend.
Cover Up (Intrigue) – Diana’s Nightly Disappearances: Unbeknownst to Ava, Diana often disappears at night. This covert behavior aligns with secret activities that involve her maintaining hidden artifacts or performing rituals that are not yet revealed to Ava, adding a layer of suspense and mystery about her true intentions.
Superior Position (Intrigue) – Audience Knows More Than Ava: The audience is shown glimpses of Eli’s true nature and his disdain for Ava's abilities through his private monologues, which Ava is unaware of, creating a dramatic irony that heightens the tension as Ava grows closer to trusting him.

Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Hidden Identity (Intrigue) – Reveal of Diana’s True Identity: The reveal that Diana is Ava’s grandmother is strategically delayed to this act, where it has the most emotional impact. This hidden identity plays out as Diana gradually leaves clues about her past, leading to a dramatic revelation.
Conspiracy (Intrigue) – Diana and Eli’s Past: Diana and Eli knew each other from earlier days suggesting a complex backstory involving power, betrayal, and ethical dilemmas, which Diana hid from Ava.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Scheme (Intrigue) – Eli’s Final Plan: As the final confrontation looms, it's revealed that Eli plans to use Ava’s refined abilities in a public demonstration to solidify his influence. This plan is uncovered through intercepted communications that Ava and her allies find.
Cover Up (Intrigue) – The Truth About the Curse: Diana confesses that she inadvertently helped create the curse affecting their family through a failed ritual many years ago, which she has since tried to mitigate or reverse through Ava without revealing the full truth.
Superior Position (Intrigue) – Audience Knows Diana’s Sacrifice: The audience is made aware through Diana’s private moments that her guidance and tough love towards Ava are her ways of atoning for past mistakes, adding depth to her actions that Ava is not yet aware of.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Emotional Moments. 
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned: With this one, I had most emotional moments built in so AI just gave me a few more ideas. I have only 3 related to confronting the antagonist (Eli – renamed.) I’ll be paying attention to this as I watch movies.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Confusion (Negative Emotion) – Ava's Synesthetic Awakening: After being struck by lightning, Ava wakes up in the hospital to a cacophony of colors from the sounds around her. This overwhelming yet visually stunning revelation is both confusing and awe-inspiring, setting the stage for her journey of self-discovery.
Emotional Dilemma (Negative Emotion) – Ava's Isolation: Post-incident, Ava feels more alienated than ever as her new synesthetic perceptions intensify her sense of disconnection from the world. She withdraws into herself, sitting under a tree as the colors and sounds blend into an unbearable storm, showcasing her struggle to cope with her altered reality.
Bonding (Positive Emotion) – Meeting Diana: When Ava first meets Diana at the wilderness retreat, there is an immediate, almost mystical connection between them. Diana takes Ava’s hand, guiding her through the natural sounds and sights, which calms Ava’s sensory overload. This moment of gentle guidance and understanding marks the beginning of their profound mentor-mentee relationship.
Trigger their Wounds (Negative Emotion) – Ava's Performance Flashback: During a quiet moment at the retreat, Ava reflects on her performance just before the lightning strike. This flashback triggers her emotional wound of feeling disconnected and misunderstood, exacerbated by the intense pain from her synesthesia, illustrating her deep inner turmoil and loneliness.
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
Excitement (Positive Emotion) – Ava's First Synesthetic Composition: Ava composes her first piece of music based on the natural sounds around her, which she perceives as colors. This scene is filled with excitement and awe as Ava discovers the joy and creative potential of her new abilities, feeling a true sense of accomplishment.
Betrayal (Negative Emotion) – Eli's Manipulation Revealed: Ava discovers that Eli has been manipulating her under the guise of mentorship, particularly about the "Special Note." The realization that her trust has been abused causes deep emotional betrayal and reawakens her fears of being used because of her abilities.
Courage (Positive Emotion) – Confronting Eli: Fueled by anger and a newfound courage, Ava confronts Eli about his deceit. This confrontation is a pivotal moment where Ava stands up for herself, challenging Eli and asserting her independence, marking a significant turning point in her self-confidence.
Moral Issue (Negative Emotion) – Diana's Hidden Motives: Ava begins to sense that Diana might be withholding information about the "Special Note" and her family's past. This suspicion introduces a moral dilemma for Ava, struggling with her growing doubts about Diana's integrity and her own place within the tangled web of their legacy.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Sacrifice (Negative Emotion) – Diana's Strategic Disappearance: Diana’s disappearance, designed to force Ava to use her skills independently, is revealed to Ava. This moment highlights Diana’s sacrifice of their personal relationship to push Ava towards growth, deeply affecting Ava by feeling abandoned yet again.
Love (Positive Emotion) – Revelation of Diana's Identity: When Diana reveals that she is Ava’s grandmother, the scene is charged with emotional intensity. Diana’s confession is paired with showing Ava an old locket containing their photos, which solidifies their familial bond and fills a void Ava didn’t know she had.
Success/Winning (Positive Emotion) – Ava's Mastery Over Her Abilities: As Ava prepares for the final confrontation with Eli, she practices and refines her synesthetic abilities, achieving mastery. This montage scene shows her gaining control over her perceptions, transforming them into a powerful tool, symbolizing her personal victory over her initial fears and struggles.
Distress (Negative Emotion) – Facing the Curse Alone: Ava feels the full weight of her family’s curse and the responsibilities now resting solely on her shoulders. This emotional low point is characterized by a poignant scene where Ava doubts her ability to break the curse, feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, reflecting the isolation and pressure of her destiny.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Courage (Positive Emotion) – Final Showdown with Eli: Armed with her synesthetic mastery and the knowledge Diana has given her, Ava faces Eli in a climactic musical duel. Her courage to confront and overpower Eli using a symphony that counters his manipulative vibrations showcases her transformation from a victim of her circumstances to a powerful protagonist.
Ultimate Betrayal (Negative Emotion) – Diana’s Confession: Diana reveals her role in creating the family curse. This moment is emotionally charged, as Ava has to grapple with feelings of betrayal from the one person she trusted the most, redefining their relationship and Ava’s understanding of her own identity.
Love (Positive Emotion) – Reunion and Healing Ritual: After defeating Eli, Ava and Diana perform a healing ritual that not only cements their reconciliation but also visually and emotionally signifies the healing of their family’s wounds. This powerful scene uses Ava’s synesthetic abilities to create a spectacular display of light and sound, symbolizing their united strength and renewed bond.
Legacy Acceptance (Positive Emotion) – Ava’s New Role: In the aftermath of their victory, Diana formally passes on the guardianship of their family legacy to Ava. This ceremonial moment is filled with pride, acceptance, and the promise of a new beginning, as Ava accepts her role not just as a synesthete but as a protector of their traditions and a healer.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Reveals!

My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned: In going through this I had a major breakthrough about my antagonist and what his manipulations were all about. Also decided to change his name. I had originally used a name suggested by ChatGPT but the name was too “on the nose”.

These are the set-ups and reveals that I either have in my outline or will build in more specifically.
Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Setup: Ava experiences intense and painful physical sensations when she plays music that effects her emotionally, which she tries to suppress, indicating the existence of a curse.
Location: In opening scene during Ava's performance and in her isolated moments post-concert.
Reveals: More hints as Ava acquires synesthesia. When she starts associating color with sound, this intensifies her pain.
Final Reveal Moment: When the curse is revealed as the reason for intense emotions with music which cause physical pain.

Minor Reveal: The Family Curse
Setup: Ava shows signs of pain tied to the emotions of music during her performance.
Reveal: Diana hints at a deeper connection to the "Special Note" related to Ava's family history during their first meeting at the retreat.
Placement: Setup in Opening, Reveal in Turning Point 1.

Setup: Diana appears as a wise mentor at the retreat Ava stumbles upon, prepared to guide Ava.
Location: When Ava arrives at the retreat and first meets Diana.
Reveal: Diana is actually Ava’s grandmother, which positions her as having a vested interest beyond mere mentorship.
Reveal Moment: Act 3, as Ava discovers Diana’s true identity.

Act 2: Mastery and Deception

Setup: Diana teaches Ava to use her synesthesia to connect with nature and navigate the wilderness.
Location: Early in Act 2, during their bonding sessions.
Reveal: The "Special Note" that Diana encourages Ava to find is part of a deeper deception orchestrated by Eli .
Reveal Moment: Midpoint Turning Point.
Effectiveness: This reveal flips Ava's trust in her training on its head, injecting a deep conflict and sense of betrayal, driving her towards personal growth and suspicion.

Setup: Eli’s welcoming nature and his seemingly empathetic approach towards Ava at the retreat.
Location: Throughout Act 2, as Eli interacts with Ava.
Reveal: Eli’s intentions are to manipulate Ava’s abilities for his own gain.
Reveal Moment: Midpoint, when it's revealed that Eli orchestrated the deception about the "Special Note.”

Reveal: The Hoax of the Special Note: The hoax is that power of the "Special Note" has an ability to heal and break the curse. This is the foundation of Eli’s power.
Setup: Lessons and discussions about the "Special Note" and its’ potential presented by Eli.
Reveal: The "Special Note" is revealed as a hoax.
Placement: Setup throughout Act 2, Reveal at Midpoint to Ava and climax to the followers.

Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Setup: Diana’s disappearances, often leaving Ava to handle situations on her own.
Location: Scenes throughout Acts 1 and 2 where Diana leaves Ava temporarily.
Reveal: Diana's disappearances are intentional, meant to teach Ava independence.
Reveal Moment: After Ava finds out Diana is her grandmother.
Effectiveness: This reveal reshapes past events as lessons in resilience, aligning with the theme of growth through hardship.

Setup: The various secretive and protective actions Diana takes around Ava, like hiding family relics or photos.
Location: Scattered throughout Acts 1 and 2.
Reveal: Diana is the unintentional architect of the family curse.
Reveal Moment: Climax of Act 4.
Effectiveness: This reveal provides a shocking twist that recontextualizes Diana’s protective actions, deepening her character complexity and moral ambiguity.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Setup: Ava's increasing mastery over her synesthetic abilities and her growing connection to the wilderness.
Location: Throughout Acts 2 and 3.
Reveal: Ava uses her synesthesia to defeat Eli in a climactic confrontation, embracing her abilities fully.
Reveal Moment: Climax of Act 4.

Major Reveal: Diana’s Role in the Curse
Setup: Subtle hints of guilt and Diana's secretive behavior about the past.
Reveal: Diana confesses that she was the architect of the family curse.
Placement: Setup throughout Acts 1 and 2, Reveal in Climax.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned: I have more big picture action items for the characters but see how I can go through and add even more specific behaviors throughout based on their character profiles..

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Essence: Ava, a talented but emotionally detached musician, acquires synesthesia from a lightning strike in the inciting incident, leading her to a wilderness retreat to understand and harness her new sensory abilities.
Opening
Essence: Onstage, Ava performs with technical skill but lacks emotional connection, mirroring her personal disconnection and setting the stage for her transformative journey.
PJ/AR – Beginning: Ava feels disconnected from people. Her emotional disconnect is evident during her onstage performance juxtaposed with a storm outside.
•Curse: Ava shows evidence of the family curse… she experiences the emotions tied to music in an overwhelmingly intense and often painful way so she shields herself from emotion.
Ava’s action_overwehelm: Clutching Her Head: During the performance, Ava suddenly grips her head as the emotion of the music actually causes pain. She has to stop and then start again. She then shows technical competence but no feeling in the music.
Inciting Incident
Essence: A lightning strike alters Ava's perception, making her see sounds as colors and launching her on a quest to understand these changes. She acquires Synesthesia.
Ava is struck by lightening. She then wakes up in the hospital, confused by what the doctors tell her.
Conducts a Synesthetic Experiment: In the hospital, after the lightning strike, Ava, intrigued and alarmed by her new sensory perceptions, conducts private experiments to map out the relationship between sounds and the colors she now sees.
Rushing Out: Post-performance, overwhelmed by the barrage of synesthetic stimuli, Ava rushes out of the venue, ignoring calls from her concerned friends.
Isolation: Ava withdraws further from social interactions, sitting alone, huddled under a large tree, visibly shivering as the colors and sounds merge chaotically around her.

PJ/AR – Turning Point: Struck by lightning, Ava gains synesthetic abilities and decides to explore them at a wilderness retreat, meeting Diana.
Secretive Research: Ava begins to secretly research synesthesia but keeps her discoveries hidden even from her closest friends. Or
Private Synesthetic Rehearsal: Post-lightning strike, Ava has a private rehearsal where she plays and visually records the colors she sees from each note, using this as a personal diary and research tool.

Accidental Wilderness Entry: Following her synesthetic overload, Ava seeks solitude and accidentally stumbles upon the wilderness retreat while trying to escape overwhelming sensory urban environments, marking the beginning of her deeper journey.
Does name of Wilderness retreat relate to synesthesia or her family curse?
Turning Point
Essence: At a wilderness retreat, Ava meets Diana, confronts her lack of survival skills, and learns of the "Special Note," deepening her personal and emotional crisis.

TJ/DW – Beginning: Diana is introduced as a wise mentor, who is willing to guide Ava on her journey
Guidance: Takes Ava’s hand gently, leading her through a natural path, pointing out soothing sounds and colors, reducing Ava's sensory overload.

Prophetic Introduction: During their first meeting, Diana gives Ava a cryptic, prophetic welcome that hints at Ava's destined role, deepening the mystery and drawing Ava into the spiritual journey with curiosity and awe.

Deeper Layer: Diana is not just a healer she discovers she is Ava’s grandmother.
Curse: Diana recognizes that Ava has the family curse related to music.
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
Essence: As Ava learns to control her synesthesia under Diana's guidance, she gains confidence and connection to nature, unaware of the deceptions lurking ahead.
Spiritual Lessons Begin: Diana begins Ava's training with basic lessons on how to use her synesthesia to connect with the natural world, integrating simple herbal remedies and sound therapies that resonate with Ava’s new perceptions.
Experimentation: Ava meticulously notes down her synesthetic experiences in a journal, her expression intense and focused, eyes wide with fascination and occasional frustration.
Comforting: Sensing Ava’s growing frustration, Diana embraces her tightly, whispering words of encouragement, her voice cracking with emotion.
AJ/ST – Beginning: Silas is introduced as a charismatic leader, secretly planning to use Ava's abilities for his own gain.
Cultivating Followers: Silas conducts a captivating public lecture on the power of returning to nature, skillfully weaving his radical ideologies to attract new followers, including Ava unwittingly.
Reveal some of Silas’s manipulation techniques related to his followers. (Superior position)
Intrusive: Without asking, Silas adjusts Ava's seating arrangement at a communal dinner to position her right next to him, under the pretense of helping her feel more included.
Charming: Silas approaches Ava with a warm, disarming smile, offering her a handcrafted talisman that he claims will help "harmonize her energies."

Manipulative Outreach: Silas personally reaches out to Ava, expressing a tailored empathy and offering a sanctuary at his retreat, which he pitches as a place for her to understand and harness her new abilities in harmony with nature.
Protective Misdirection: Knowing Silas’s interest in Ava, Diana manipulates their first meeting to appear coincidental, guiding the conversation to steer Ava away from Silas’s more radical teachings.

Visual-Aural Mapping: Under Diana’s mentorship, Ava learns to use her synesthesia to create visual-aural maps of the wilderness area, which help her navigate and connect more deeply with the natural world.

Secretive Actions: Diana hides old family photos and letters when Ava is nearby, her hands trembling slightly as she places them back into an old wooden box.

Exploration: Ava Actively seeks out different natural sounds at the retreat, touching trees, and stones, or wading into a stream, trying to connect the visual hues with the textures and temperatures.
Subtle Guidance: Diana subtly leads Ava to discover old family relics that hint at the generational curse, setting her on the path of curiosity without revealing too much.
Deepening the Bond: Diana shares more about the ancient wisdom and practices of Ava’s ancestors (and secretly, Diana’s too), weaving in true and altered stories that bind Ava emotionally and spiritually to her quest.

Synesthetic Compositions: Ava composes music based on the natural sounds around her, using her ability to see these sounds as colors to guide her compositions, which she notes down in a visually encoded music notebook.
Strategic Isolation: To enhance Ava's training, Diana orchestrates situations where Ava must rely on her synesthetic abilities, gradually isolating her from others to deepen Ava's dependency on Diana's guidance.
New Plan
Essence: Diana teaches Ava to map the natural world through synesthetic perceptions, fostering a deeper bond and enhancing Ava's control over her abilities.

TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana's mentoring turns into a deeper connection when Dian confirms her familial ties to Ava, embedding personal stakes into their journey, but she doesn’t tell Ava

Selective Revelation: Diana selectively reveals fragments of the family curse and Ava's lineage, providing just enough information to keep Ava engaged and dependent on her for more knowledge.
Curse: Diana suggests to Ava that the emotional intensity and pain she feels tied to music may be the result of a curse.
Curse: Diana suggests to Ava that she has heard of this curse and that the cure may be to find the “special note” or special composition within nature to balance the nature of music.

Dream Induction: Using her knowledge of herbal medicines, Diana concocts a tea that induces vivid, symbolic dreams in Ava, steering her subconscious to accept her destiny and the teachings Diana imparts.

Misleading Mentorship: Silas feigns a mentorship role, providing Ava with skewed teachings that align with his radical views, subtly trying to indoctrinate her into his philosophies.
False Prophecy: Silas provides Ava with a fabricated prophecy that seems to predict her arrival and role in a grand spiritual awakening, designed to make her feel chosen and special, deepening her entanglement in his plans.

Plan in Action
Essence: Ava's growing competence in the wilderness and her deepening relationship with Diana symbolize her increasing adaptation and reliance on her new skills.
Curse: Ava has initial success with her synesthesia and balancing an aspect of emotion by the reactions of some of the people at the retreat center.
Environmental Symphony: In a climactic interaction with nature, Ava conducts an improvised "symphony" using natural sounds around her, which she perceives as colors, which is healing for guests.

Division and Isolation: Silas subtly sows discord between Ava and other members of the retreat, isolating her further to increase her reliance on his supposed wisdom and benevolence.
Dismissive: Silas Publicly downplays Ava's progress in front of the group, suggesting she still has much to learn, aiming to undercut her confidence.

Midpoint Turning Point
Essence: Ava's belief in her mastery of the "Special Note" collapses with the revelation of Silas Thorn's deceit and Diana's disappearance, thrusting her into a profound reevaluation.
PJ/AR Midpoint: Ava believes she's mastering her synesthetic abilities and used these to find the “special note” but faces a setback when she learns that her successes are manipulated by Silas Thorn. Diana goes missing.

TJ/DW – Midpoint: Diana's disappearance forces Ava into deeper self-reliance, as her guidance up to this point has been a mixture of teaching and hidden motives.
Staged Disappearance: Diana stages her own disappearance to create a crisis for Ava, forcing her to utilize her learned skills and deepening her resolve to confront and overcome the looming threats.

Setting the Stage for Confrontation: Diana strategically disappears, a maneuver designed to force Ava into taking action against Silas, thereby facilitating Ava's growth into independence and mastery. Address: Why does Diana disappear? – she can’t face the situation she got Ava into or other reasons?

AJ/ST – Midpoint: Silas’s true intentions are revealed, escalating the stakes as he manipulates Ava and orchestrates Diana's disappearance to unsettle Ava further.
Emotional Manipulation: Upon Diana’s disappearance, Silas feigns concern and offers Ava distorted comfort, using the opportunity to deepen his psychological grip on her.

Secret Meetings with Retreat Guests: Ava starts secretly meeting with other guests who have experienced Silas’s manipulation, gathering stories and evidence of his deceit, preparing for a confrontation.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Essence: Discovering Diana's true identity as her grandmother and confronting familial secrets, Ava redefines her journey, integrating her skills to resolve the conflicts.
New Plan
Essence: Armed with a personal connection to her mission, Ava tries to find Diana, ready to confront Thorn with a new understanding of her role.
Stealthy Synesthetic Navigation: To find Diana, Ava uses her synesthetic abilities to follow a unique color trail left by Diana’s own herbal remedies in the wilderness.
Twisted Guidance: Silas provides Ava with misleading guidance that seems to help her find Diana but actually leads her into more dangerous dependencies on his teachings.

Secret Watchfulness: Unknown to Ava, Diana watches over her from a distance during her quest, ready to intervene discreetly if truly necessary, ensuring Ava's safety while allowing her the experience of independence.

Rethink Everything
Essence: Ava's revelation of Diana being her grandmother redefines their relationship, compelling her to embrace her legacy and prepare for confrontation.
Emotional Soundscapes: To prepare for the confrontation with Silas, Ava composes a powerful musical piece that embodies her emotional journey, planning to use it to counteract Silas’s manipulations.
TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana finds out Ava is her grandmother and is more deeply involved in the family's mystical secrets and the curse, challenging Ava's trust.
Revelation of Identity: Diana reveals her true identity as Ava’s grandmother at a pivotal moment, aiming to solidify Ava's trust and commitment right when Ava feels most betrayed by others.
Revelatory Confrontation: When Diana finally reveals her identity as Ava’s grandmother, she does so at a critical moment where the emotional impact maximizes Ava's commitment to their shared legacy and the battle against Silas.
Revealing: With tears in her eyes, Diana finally reveals her true identity to Ava by showing her a hidden locket with pictures of them together when Ava was a baby.

PJ/AR – Turning Point: Learning of Diana's true identity and their familial ties, Ava is driven to confront her legacy and the curse.

PJ/AR – Dilemma: Torn between fleeing Silas’s influence and aligning with Diana and confront the curse directly.
Deceptive: Silas Fakes a spiritual revelation in front of the community, claiming he has seen a vision of Ava's crucial role, attempting to regain his hold over her.

Turning Point
Essence: An initial failure to confront Thorn forces Ava to fully commit to her abilities and the teachings from Diana, solidifying their trust and partnership.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Essence: In the ultimate confrontation, Ava, fully attuned to her "Special Note" and empowered by her experiences, faces and overcomes Thorn, resolving the deep-rooted family curse.
TJ/DW – Turning Point: Diana reveals more about the curse, deepening their familial and mentor-student bond.
Supportive: Diana Prepares a small, private ritual to bolster Ava’s spirits, mixing herbs and humming an ancient melody that resonates with strength and courage.
TJ/DW – Dilemma: Diana contemplates how much truth to reveal to Ava, balancing protection with the necessity of Ava’s growth.
PJ/AR – Turning point: Ava, feels the true healing power of the "Special Note" and feels empowered by her experiences. She understands the curse, and her grandmother’s part in the curse as well as her relationship with Silas
J/ST – Turning Point: Prepares for a final showdown, confident in his manipulative power.

AJ/ST – Dilemma: Silas grapples with his methods, caught between his vision for a harmonious world and his extreme measures.

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Essence: Ava confronts and defeats Thorn using her complete mastery of synesthesia and the strategic insights gained from Diana, overcoming the manipulations and revealing the true extent of her growth.
PJ/AR Major Conflict: Ava confronts Silas in a dramatic showdown, using her full mastery of synesthesia to counteract his manipulations.
Synesthetic Showdown: Ava faces off against Thorn using a symphony she composed that specifically counters Thorn’s manipulative vibrations, employing her deep connection with both music and color to overpower him.
Action_Final Confrontation: In a climactic musical duel, Ava uses her synesthetic abilities to overpower Silas’s manipulations, her face set in concentration, every note she plays a visible burst of color combating Silas’s darkness.

TJ/DW – Major Conflict: Diana supports Ava in the showdown with Silas, using her wisdom and secrets.
Support in the Shadows: During Ava’s final showdown with Silas, Diana uses her mystical abilities subtly from the shadows, to manipulate the natural elements around them to tilt the balance in Ava’s favor without making her presence known.
Healing Support: During the final showdown, Diana chants ancient incantations, her voice a steady hum that supports Ava’s musical attack, her eyes closed in deep concentration.

AJ/ST – Major Conflict: His confrontation with Ava tests his fanaticism against her harmonious approach.
Facing Defeat: In the final showdown, Silas tries to salvage his crumbling vision by manipulating the environmental elements against Ava, but as his control slips, his desperation and fanaticism are fully exposed.
Furious: Silas Throws objects around his sanctuary, his face contorted in rage as his plans crumble.
Begging: In a last-ditch effort, Silas pleads with Ava, his voice breaking, hands trembling as he realizes his loss of control and imminent downfall.

Resolution
Essence: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the unintended architect of the curse and was counting on helping Ava to reverse the curse. The healing sanctuary is restored, symbolizing the healing of the land and Ava herself. She embraces her synesthesia and her place in the wilderness, alongside her deep bond with Diana.
PJ/AR Ending: Ava rescues Diana, breaks the family curse, and accepts her synesthesia as a gift, profoundly altering her understanding and acceptance of herself.
Healing Ritual: With the curse lifted, Ava conducts a healing ritual combining her music with synesthetic visuals, illustrating her acceptance of her gift and using it to heal the community and the natural environment. Or Synesthetic Symphony Performance: In the final showdown, Ava conducts a synesthetic symphony with the help of the local community, turning her personal battle into a public spectacle that empowers and unifies the community against Silas.

TJ/DW Ending: Reunited with Ava, Diana sees the fruition of her mentorship and the breaking of the curse, reinforcing her values and rectifying her past mistakes.
Passing the Wisdom Passing the Torch: Post-victory, Diana formally passes on the entirety of her knowledge and role as guardian of their lineage to Ava in a poignant, ceremonial manner, symbolizing the transfer of responsibility and power acknowledging her readiness and her new role as the protector of their traditions.
Action_Passing the Legacy: Post-victory, Diana formally hands Ava an ancient talisman, symbolizing the passing of guardianship, her hands trembling but her smile warm and proud.

AJ/ST Ending: Defeated by Ava, Silas's vision is discredited. His failure forces him to confront the flaws in his ideology and the consequences of his actions.
Ultimate Betrayal: In the final confrontation, Silas reveals he has been manipulating Ava's synesthetic experiences through technological and herbal enhancements to enhance her dependence on his guidance.
Legacy Acceptance: Ava creates a public musical performance that fully integrates her synesthetic perception, openly showcasing her abilities to an audience that now understands and appreciates her gift, cementing her role as a healer and a visionary musician.

Reflection and Defiance: After being defeated by Ava, Silas attempts to justify his actions with a passionate speech about his visions for the future, trying to salvage some followers and his legacy.

Creation of a Synesthetic Sanctuary: Ava converts the wilderness retreat into a sanctuary for those with synesthesia and other unique perceptions, establishing a legacy of understanding and acceptance.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s New Outline Beats!
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned: This method for finding plot holes is very helpful…Going forward and backwards. I’m sure there are more holes to fill in….

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Essence: Ava, a talented but emotionally detached musician, acquires synesthesia from a lightning strike, leading her to a wilderness retreat to understand and harness her new sensory abilities.
Opening
Essence: Onstage, Ava performs with technical skill but lacks emotional connection, mirroring her personal disconnection and setting the stage for her transformative journey.
PJ/AR – Beginning: Ava feels disconnected and views her synesthesia as a curse. Her emotional disconnect is evident during her onstage performance juxtaposed with a storm outside.
•Curse: Ava shows evidence of the family curse… she experiences the emotions tied to music in an overwhelmingly intense and often painful way so she shields herself from emotion.

Inciting Incident
Essence: A lightning strike alters Ava's perception, making her see sounds as colors and launching her on a quest to understand these changes.

PJ/AR – Turning Point: Struck by lightning, Ava gains synesthetic abilities and decides to explore them at a wilderness retreat, meeting Diana.
Address: How does Ava end up in the wilderness? Maybe she actually doesn’t intend to go there.

Turning Point
Essence: At a wilderness retreat, Ava meets Diana, confronts her lack of survival skills, and learns of the "Special Note," deepening her personal and emotional crisis.

TJ/DW – Beginning: Diana is introduced as a wise mentor, who is willing to guide Ava on her journey

Deeper Layer: Diana is not just a healer she discovers she is Ava’s grandmother.
Curse: Diana recognizes that Ava has the family curse related to music (Does Diana also have this curse or has it skipped her generation?)

AJ/ST – Beginning: Silas is introduced as a charismatic leader, secretly planning to use Ava's abilities for his own gain.
Reveal some of Silas’s manipulation techniques related to his followers. (Superior position)
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
Essence: As Ava learns to control her synesthesia under Diana's guidance, she gains confidence and connection to nature, unaware of the deceptions lurking ahead.
New Plan
Essence: Diana teaches Ava to map the natural world through synesthetic perceptions, fostering a deeper bond and enhancing Ava's control over her abilities.
TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana's mentoring turns into a deeper connection when she discovers her familial ties to Ava, embedding personal stakes into their journey.
Curse: Diana suggests to Ava that the emotional intensity and pain she feels tied to music may be the result of a curse.
Curse: Diana suggests to Ava that she has heard of this curse and that the cure may be to find the “special note” or special composition within nature to balance the nature of music.

Plan in Action
Essence: Ava's growing competence in the wilderness and her deepening relationship with Diana symbolize her increasing adaptation and reliance on her new skills.
Curse: Ava has initial success with her synesthesia and balancing an aspect of emotion by the reactions of some of the people at the retreat center.
Midpoint Turning Point
Essence: Ava's belief in her mastery of the "Special Note" collapses with the revelation of Silas Thorn's deceit and Diana's disappearance, thrusting her into a profound reevaluation.
Address: Why does Diana disappear? – she can’t face the situation she got Ava into or other reasons?
PJ/AR Midpoint: Ava believes she's mastering her synesthetic abilities and used these to find the “special note” but faces a setback when she learns that her successes are manipulated by Silas Thorn. Diana goes missing.

TJ/DW – Midpoint: Diana's disappearance forces Ava into deeper self-reliance, as her guidance up to this point has been a mixture of teaching and hidden motives.

AJ/ST – Midpoint: Silas’s true intentions are revealed, escalating the stakes as he manipulates Ava and orchestrates Diana's disappearance to unsettle Ava further.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Essence: Discovering Diana's true identity as her grandmother and confronting familial secrets, Ava redefines her journey, integrating her skills to resolve the conflicts.
New Plan
Essence: Armed with a personal connection to her mission, Ava plans a daring rescue for Diana, ready to confront Thorn with a new understanding of her role.
Rethink Everything
Address: How does Ava find out Diana is her grandmother?
Address: What are the circumstances by which Ava must rescue her grandmother?
Essence: Ava's revelation of Diana being her grandmother redefines their relationship, compelling her to embrace her legacy and prepare for confrontation.
TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana finds out Ava is her grandmother and is more deeply involved in the family's mystical secrets and the curse, challenging Ava's trust.
PJ/AR – Turning Point: Learning of Diana's true identity and their familial ties, Ava is driven to confront her legacy and the curse.
PJ/AR – Dilemma: Torn between fleeing Silas’s influence and risking herself to save Diana and confront the curse directly.
Turning Point
Essence: An initial failure to confront Thorn forces Ava to fully commit to her abilities and the teachings from Diana, solidifying their trust and partnership.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Essence: In the ultimate confrontation, Ava, fully attuned to her "Special Note" and empowered by her experiences, faces and overcomes Thorn, resolving the deep-rooted family curse.
TJ/DW – Turning Point: Diana reveals more about the curse, deepening their familial and mentor-student bond.
TJ/DW – Dilemma: Diana contemplates how much truth to reveal to Ava, balancing protection with the necessity of Ava’s growth.
PJ/AR – Turning point: Ava, feels the true healing power of the "Special Note" and feels empowered by her experiences. She understands the curse, and her grandmother’s pat in the curse as well as her relationship with Silas
J/ST – Turning Point: Prepares for a final showdown, confident in his manipulative power.

AJ/ST – Dilemma: Silas grapples with his methods, caught between his vision for a harmonious world and his extreme measures.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Essence: In the ultimate confrontation, Ava, fully attuned to her "Special Note" and empowered by her experiences, faces and overcomes Thorn, resolving the deep-rooted family curse.
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Essence: Ava confronts and defeats Thorn using her complete mastery of synesthesia and the strategic insights gained from Diana, overcoming the manipulations and revealing the true extent of her growth.
PJ/AR Major Conflict: Ava confronts Silas in a dramatic showdown, using her full mastery of synesthesia to counteract his manipulations.
TJ/DW – Major Conflict: Diana supports Ava in the showdown with Silas, using her wisdom and secrets.
AJ/ST – Major Conflict: His confrontation with Ava tests his fanaticism against her harmonious approach.
Resolution
Essence: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the unintended architect of the curse and was counting on helping Ava to reverse the curse. The healing sanctuary is restored, symbolizing the healing of the land and Ava herself. She embraces her synesthesia and her place in the wilderness, alongside her deep bond with Diana.
PJ/AR Ending: Ava rescues Diana, breaks the family curse, and accepts her synesthesia as a gift, profoundly altering her understanding and acceptance of herself.
TJ/DW Ending: Reunited with Ava, Diana sees the fruition of her mentorship and the breaking of the curse, reinforcing her values and rectifying her past mistakes.
AJ/ST Ending: Defeated by Ava, Silas's vision is discredited. His failure forces him to confront the flaws in his ideology and the consequences of his actions.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned is that it is so helpful to do this step by step to keep from getting overwhelmed.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Essence: Ava, a talented but emotionally detached musician, acquires synesthesia from a lightning strike, leading her to a wilderness retreat to understand and harness her new sensory abilities.
Opening
Essence: Onstage, Ava performs with technical skill but lacks emotional connection, mirroring her personal disconnection and setting the stage for her transformative journey.

PJ/AR – Beginning: Ava feels disconnected and views her synesthesia as a curse. Her emotional disconnect is evident during her onstage performance juxtaposed with a storm outside.
Inciting Incident
Essence: A lightning strike alters Ava's perception, making her see sounds as colors and launching her on a quest to understand these changes.

PJ/AR – Turning Point: Struck by lightning, Ava gains synesthetic abilities and decides to explore them at a wilderness retreat, meeting Diana.
Turning Point
Essence: At a wilderness retreat, Ava meets Diana, confronts her lack of survival skills, and learns of the "Special Note," deepening her personal and emotional crisis.

TJ/DW – Beginning: Diana is introduced as a wise mentor, who is willing to guide Ava on her journey

Deeper Layer: Diana is not just a healer she discovers she is Ava’s grandmother.

AJ/ST – Beginning: Silas is introduced as a charismatic leader, secretly planning to use Ava's abilities for his radical vision.
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
Essence: As Ava learns to control her synesthesia under Diana's guidance, she gains confidence and connection to nature, unaware of the deceptions lurking ahead.
New Plan
Essence: Diana teaches Ava to map the natural world through synesthetic perceptions, fostering a deeper bond and enhancing Ava's control over her abilities.
TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana's mentoring turns into a deeper connection when she discovers her familial ties to Ava, embedding personal stakes into their journey.

Plan in Action
Essence: Ava's growing competence in the wilderness and her deepening relationship with Diana symbolize her increasing adaptation and reliance on her new skills.
Midpoint Turning Point
Essence: Ava's belief in her mastery of the "Special Note" collapses with the revelation of Silas Thorn's deceit and Diana's disappearance, thrusting her into a profound reevaluation.
PJ/AR Midpoint: Ava believes she's mastering her synesthetic abilities but faces a setback when she learns that her successes are manipulated by Silas Thorn. Diana goes missing.

TJ/DW – Midpoint: Diana's disappearance forces Ava into deeper self-reliance, as her guidance up to this point has been a mixture of teaching and hidden motives.
AJ/ST – Midpoint: Silas’s true intentions are revealed, escalating the stakes as he manipulates Ava and orchestrates Diana's disappearance to unsettle Ava further.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Essence: Discovering Diana's true identity as her grandmother and confronting familial secrets, Ava redefines her journey, integrating her skills to resolve the conflicts.
New Plan
Essence: Armed with a personal connection to her mission, Ava plans a daring rescue for Diana, ready to confront Thorn with a new understanding of her role.
Rethink Everything
Essence: Ava's revelation of Diana being her grandmother redefines their relationship, compelling her to embrace her legacy and prepare for confrontation.
TJ/DW Turning Point: Diana admits to being Ava’s grandmother and is more deeply involved in the family's mystical secrets and the curse, challenging Ava's trust.
PJ/AR – Turning Point: Learning of Diana's true identity and their familial ties, Ava is driven to confront her legacy and the curse.
PJ/AR – Dilemma: Torn between fleeing Silas’s influence and risking herself to save Diana and confront the curse directly.
Turning Point
Essence: An initial failure to confront Thorn forces Ava to fully commit to her abilities and the teachings from Diana, solidifying their trust and partnership.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Essence: In the ultimate confrontation, Ava, fully attuned to her "Special Note" and empowered by her experiences, faces and overcomes Thorn, resolving the deep-rooted family curse.
TJ/DW – Turning Point: Diana reveals more about the curse, deepening their familial and mentor-student bond.
TJ/DW – Dilemma: Diana contemplates how much truth to reveal to Ava, balancing protection with the necessity of Ava’s growth.
AJ/ST – Turning Point: Prepares for a final showdown, confident in his manipulative power.
AJ/ST – Dilemma: Silas grapples with his methods, caught between his vision for a harmonious world and his extreme measures.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Essence: In the ultimate confrontation, Ava, fully attuned to her "Special Note" and empowered by her experiences, faces and overcomes Thorn, resolving the deep-rooted family curse.
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Essence: Ava confronts and defeats Thorn using her complete mastery of synesthesia and the strategic insights gained from Diana, overcoming the manipulations and revealing the true extent of her growth.
PJ/AR Major Conflict: Ava confronts Silas in a dramatic showdown, using her full mastery of synesthesia to counteract his manipulations.
TJ/DW – Major Conflict: Supports Ava in the showdown with Silas, using her wisdom and secrets.
AJ/ST – Major Conflict: His confrontation with Ava tests his fanaticism against her harmonious approach.
Resolution
Essence: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the unintended architect of the curse and was counting on helping Ava to reverse the curse. The healing sanctuary is restored, symbolizing the healing of the land and Ava herself. She embraces her synesthesia and her place in the wilderness, alongside her deep bond with Diana.
PJ/AR Ending: Ava rescues Diana, breaks the family curse, and accepts her synesthesia as a gift, profoundly altering her understanding and acceptance of herself.
TJ/DW Ending: Reunited with Ava, Diana sees the fruition of her mentorship and the breaking of the curse, reinforcing her values and rectifying her past mistakes.
AJ/ST Ending: Defeated by Ava, Silas's vision is discredited. His failure forces him to confront the flaws in his ideology and the consequences of his actions.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Deeper Layer
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

I learned that there are a number of compelling deeper layers. However, I already had some built in and I was tempted to add more…I did add a little, but was reminded this could have made things too complex.

Surface Layer: Diana Wildroot is a mentor to Ava, teaching her the ways of wholistic healing using nature and sound.
Deeper Layer: Diana is not just a healer she is Ava’s grandmother (and may have been reincarnated through various generations to undo a musical curse.
Major Reveal: In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the architect of the curse.
Influences Surface Story: Diana discovers Ava is her grand daughter fairly early and this is why she mentors her so closely. She sees Ava as the one who can break the curse.
Hints:  We see hints of Diana having more of a connection to Ava though info related to a family tree, then we see some sort of birth mark or something that reveals they may be related. Diana also needs to show that they are both recipients of the curse.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Opening: Ava's emotional disconnect from the world and herself sets the stage, using her on-stage performance juxtaposed with the storm to symbolize her inner turmoil. Onstage Disconnection: Ava performs a complex violin solo on stage while a storm rages outside. She focuses almost entirely on sound (doesn’t care about visual ). She’s a great technician, but doesn’t have a lot of emotional musical depth… Immediately after concert, Ava bypasses celebrating with fellow musicians and instead sits alone in the dressing room, staring at her violin case while a storm rages outside.

Inciting Incident: Ava walks home silenced from the outside world by earphones. She is struck by lightning on her way home, altering her senses to perceive sounds as vivid colors. She wakes up in a hospital, seeing the beeping monitors and bustling nurses as a symphony of colors and shapes, realizing something profound has changed within her.

Turning Point 1: Ava decides to get away to recuperate at a wilderness retreat, where she meets Diana Wildroot. Ava’s lack of wilderness skills is immediately evident, and she struggles with basic survival tasks, highlighting her "fish out of water" status. Diana introduces the quest for the "Special Note," hinting at deeper familial and curse connections yet unrevealed. Ava’s initial ineptitude in the wilderness, compounded by her synesthetic perceptions, deepens her personal and emotional crisis, making her journey not just about survival but about understanding her new self in a real-world context.
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
New Plan: Diana begins teaching Ava to control her synesthetic perceptions, using natural elements like the sound of a creek or the rustling leaves to create visual-aural maps. Their bond deepens as Diana imparts survival skills alongside lessons on the "Special Note."
Plan in Action: Ava’s growing competence in the wilderness mirrors her increasing trust and reliance on Diana. She starts to shed her urban biases and embraces the slower, attuned pace of nature. Their relationship deepens, with Diana becoming more than a mentor; she becomes a confidante.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ava’s perceived mastery of the "Special Note" and her comfort in the wilderness are both shattered by the revelation that her success is an illusion orchestrated by Silas Thorn and that Diana has gone missing. This betrayal forces Ava to reassess her adaptability and reliance on Diana and reevaluate her own strengths and weaknesses in a challenging situation.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Rethink Everything: In her quest to find Diana, Ava learns of Diana’s true identity as her grandmother. This revelation transforms their relationship, infusing it with new meaning and responsibility and Ava's commitment to their shared legacy pushing her to internalize her role within her family’s history
New Plan: With personal stakes heightened, Ava integrates her newfound wilderness skills with her synesthetic abilities to devise a plan to rescue Diana and confront Thorn, now fully understanding the depth of his deceit and her own role in their legacy.
Turning Point: An initial failed attempt to confront Thorn emphasizes the need for Ava to fully embrace both her wilderness adaptability and the lessons from Diana, highlighting the synthesis of her dual growth—personal and environmental. This failure tests the strength of Ava and Diana’s relationship, compelling them to trust each other more deeply and collaborate more closely.
4: Climax and Resolution
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Ava, now fully at home in the wilderness and in tune with her "Special Note," faces Thorn in a showdown that tests all her skills. She uses her deep connection to nature and the knowledge and lessons from Diana to overcome Thorn’s manipulations.
Resolution: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the unintended architect of the curse and was counting on helping Ava to reverse the curse. The healing sanctuary is restored, symbolizing the healing of the land and Ava herself. She embraces her synesthesia and her place in the wilderness, alongside her deep bond with Diana.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Journey Structure
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the character journeys are flowing step by step even though I feel I still need to develop my antagonist.

Ava Reynard
Beginning: Ava starts as a talented but emotionally disconnected musician who views her synesthesia as a curse following a lightning strike.
Turning Point: After the lightning incident, she seeks answers at a wilderness retreat to understand and cope with her altered perception, encountering Diana.
Midpoint: Ava believes she's mastering her synesthetic abilities but faces a setback when she learns that her successes are manipulated by Silas Thorn.
Turning Point: After discovering Silas has interfered with Diana and learning about their familial ties, Ava renews her resolve to master her abilities and confront Silas.
Dilemma: Torn between fleeing from Silas’s influence and risking herself to rescue Diana and face the curse directly.
Major Conflict: Ava confronts Silas in a dramatic showdown, using her full mastery of synesthesia to counteract his manipulations.
Ending: Ava rescues Diana, breaks the family curse, and accepts her synesthesia as a gift, profoundly altering her understanding and acceptance of herself.
Diana Wildroot
Beginning: Diana is introduced as a wise mentor, at first not knowing her deeper connection as Ava's grandmother, guiding Ava through the complexities of her new abilities.
Turning Point: Diana's mentoring turns into a deeper connection when she discovers her familial ties to Ava, embedding personal stakes into their journey.
Midpoint: Her disappearance and involvement with Silas serves as a crucial plot twist that pushes Ava into deeper self-reliance and tests Diana's teachings.
Turning Point: Diana admits to being Ava’s grandmother and is more deeply involved in the family's mystical secrets and the curse, challenging Ava's trust.
Dilemma: Diana struggles with revealing the full extent of the curse and her role in it, knowing it could either drive Ava away or draw her deeper into danger.
Major Conflict: Diana's wisdom and secrets are pivotal in the final confrontation with Silas as she supports Ava's transformation and battle.
Ending: Reunited with Ava, Diana sees the fruition of her mentorship and the breaking of the curse, reinforcing her values and rectifying her past mistakes.
Silas Thorn
Beginning: Introduced as a charismatic leader with a radical vision for humanity’s return to nature, hiding his manipulative intentions.
Turning Point: His interest in Ava grows as he sees her unique abilities as a threat to his control, leading to his decision to deceive her and interfere with Diana.
Midpoint: Silas’s true nature and intentions are revealed to Ava, escalating the stakes of their conflict.
Turning Point: Silas prepares for the final confrontation, believing he can use Ava’s abilities to achieve his ultimate goal.
Dilemma: Silas faces the moral quandary of his radical actions — continue his destructive path for 'greater good' or concede to Ava’s opposing view of harmony and healing.
Major Conflict: His showdown with Ava tests his beliefs and methods, pitting his fanaticism against her balanced approach to nature and synesthesia.
Ending: Defeated by Ava, Silas's vision is discredited. His failure forces him to confront the flaws in his ideology and the consequences of his actions.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Supporting Characters
My vision: I am a leading creator of popular family-friendly stories that bring compelling psychological dimensions to characters and entertaining insights to audiences.

Title: Symphony in Color
Genre: Drama with fantasy elements
Concept: When a musician is struck by lightening, her new ability to see sounds
leads her into the wilderness to search for a musical secret to break a generational curse.
What I learned: This was a helpful exercise. I considered several supporting characters. 1 that I had before still works well. I added another after considering about 6 more brainstorms.

Supporting Character: Ethan Grey
Role: A young ethnomusicologist interested in the musical traditions of indigenous cultures and their connection to nature. He crosses paths with Ava during her quest, intrigued by her unique synesthetic abilities and their potential link to the musical patterns he studies.
Main Purpose: Ethan’s primary role is to provide a scientific and cultural framework that supports and challenges Ava's personal and mystical experiences.
Value: Ethan bridges the gap between the scientific community and the mystical experiences central to the plot. His character enriches the story with a blend of skepticism and curiosity.
Supporting Character: Grace Hammond
Role: Spiritual Community member
Main Purpose: Grace works closely with Silas but starts to question his methods and motives, eventually becoming an ally to Ava.
Value: Grace’s transformation from follower to critic exposes the moral ambiguities within the spiritual community, highlighting the consequences of Silas’s extremism and adding depth to the ideological conflict.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Profiles part 2
My vision: I am a leading creator of popular family-friendly stories that bring compelling psychological dimensions to characters and entertaining insights to audiences.
What I learned, and am reminded of…my instincts and pictures of the characters evolve as I consider these questions. It is so helpful to do this little by little to give it time to marinate and come to a fuller picture of the characters. Also, it’s a dance between Ai and me. I like how it summarized the character profiles for all I put in.

Title: Symphony in Color
Genre: Drama with fantasy elements
Concept: When a musician is struck by lightening, her new ability to see sounds
leads her into the wilderness to search for a musical secret to break a generational curse.

Character Profile: Ava Reynard
1. Role in the Story:
Ava is the protagonist of the story, a musician who acquires synesthesia after a lightning strike, propelling her on a quest to break a generational curse using her newfound sensory abilities intertwined with music.
2. Age Range and Description:
Ava is in her late 20s to early 30s. She is portrayed as a talented yet initially withdrawn musician, whose life takes a dramatic turn when she gains the ability to see sounds as colors, thrusting her into a mystical journey.
3. Core Traits:
Resilient: Shows remarkable strength in overcoming both personal and external challenges.
Inquisitive: Driven by a desire to understand her condition and unravel her family's secrets.
Guarded/Selectively Transparent: Cautious and reserved, revealing her true self only in safe environments.
Empathetic: Deeply connects with others' emotions, enhanced by her synesthetic experiences.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To uncover the musical key to dissolve the family curse.
Need: To reconcile with her synesthesia, accepting it as a gift rather than a burden.
5. Wound:
Ava's deep-seated emotional trauma stems from feeling abandoned and misunderstood due to her synesthesia, compounded by past abuses that have made her wary of close relationships and fearful of further rejection.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likable: Exhibits kindness through protective actions towards others and using her gift to help rather than alienate.
Relatable: Her struggle with self-acceptance and the desire to connect with her roots resonate widely.
Empathetic: Faces overwhelming sensory experiences and confronts deep-seated fears, drawing profound audience empathy.
7. Character Subtext:
Ava conceals her synesthesia initially, fearing additional ostracism and misunderstanding, while internally battling with the desire to embrace her true identity as a healer.
8. Character Intrigue:
Ava secretly researches her mother's mysterious past, which is entangled with the family curse, hiding her discoveries even from those closest to her.
9. Flaw:
Her guarded nature often prevents her from seeking help or connecting deeply with others, potentially sabotaging her own emotional well-being and quest.
10. Values:
Ava values authenticity, healing, and the transformative power of music, driving her to seek truth and harmony both internally and within her family legacy.
11. Character Dilemma:
Ava is torn between rejecting her synesthesia to fit into the normalcy she craves and embracing it as the key to her family's salvation, a conflict that defines her transformative journey.

Antagonist: Silas Thorn
Character Profile summary
1. Role in the Story:
Silas Thorn is the primary antagonist, a charismatic and manipulative spiritual leader who views Ava’s unique synesthetic abilities as a threat to his dominion over his followers and his radical environmental ideologies.
2. Age Range and Description:
Silas is in his late 40s, athletically fit with a commanding presence, often dressed in a manner that enhances his role as a spiritual guru.
3. Core Traits:
Charismatic: Uses charm to attract and manipulate followers.
Deceptive: Masters the art of showing one face to the public while hiding his darker intentions.
Dominant: Asserts control over his followers, enforcing his vision with rigorous discipline.
Fanatical: Exhibits extreme zeal for his radical views on nature and humanity.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: Silas wants to expand his influence, using his retreat center to enforce a vision of a "pure" communion with nature.
Need: He deeply needs recognition and reverence, driven by a fear of insignificance and being forgotten.
5. Wound:
His motivations are rooted in a past tragedy linked to technological progress and societal neglect, which has embittered him against modern society and fueled his extremist views.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likable: Engages in charitable acts, such as community enrichment programs, displaying a benevolent side.
Relatable: Flashbacks show a vulnerable, younger Silas struggling with personal and societal challenges, adding depth to his character.
Empathetic: Scenes of solitude reveal his deep fears and the emotional toll of his past, allowing the audience to feel his inner turmoil.
7. Character Subtext:
Silas hides a deep-seated fear of obsolescence and irrelevance behind his charismatic facade, driving his compulsive need to control and manipulate.
8. Character Intrigue:
Silas harbors a secret agenda to harness synesthetic abilities for an undisclosed, possibly sinister purpose that could elevate his status to that of a prophetic figure.
9. Flaw:
His Egotistic need for Validation (fanaticism)blinds him to the destructive impact of his actions, both on himself and others, often sabotaging potential alliances and support.
10. Values:
Silas is an idealistic crusader, valuing purity, control, and legacy.
11. Character Dilemma:
Silas is torn between his genuine desire to foster a harmonious world and his methods, which involve manipulation and control, creating internal conflict over the morality of his actions.

Character Profile: Diana Wildroot Triangle Character
1. Role in the Story:
Diana serves as both the mentor and secret grandmother to Ava, guiding her through a spiritual and emotional journey to harness her synesthetic abilities and uncover ancient family secrets.
2. Age Range and Description:
Diana is in her late 60s to early 70s, embodying the archetype of a wise and seasoned medicine woman. Her appearance is marked by a presence that blends earthy ruggedness with an ethereal quality.
3. Core Traits:
Protective: Vigilantly safeguards Ava and ancient wisdom.
Resilient: Demonstrates strength and recovery from past traumas and challenges.
Mystical: Deeply connected to spiritual and natural realms, offering a unique perspective and wisdom.
Manipulative: Uses her knowledge and wisdom to guide and sometimes manipulate situations for what she perceives as the greater good.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To preserve and pass on ancient wisdom through Ava, ensuring the continuity of their heritage.
Need: Seeks redemption for past mistakes and atonement for actions that may have harmed her family.
5. Wound:
Diana’s primary wound is the loss of her child, coupled with the guilt of contributing to the family’s curse. This profound grief and guilt drive her protective and sometimes secretive nature.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Engages in acts of healing and community aid, displaying a nurturing character sprinkled with gentle humor.
Relatability: Struggles with family secrets and the burden of her past decisions, common themes many can connect with.
Empathy: The audience sees her personal sacrifices and the emotional cost of her decisions, particularly in her interactions with Ava and confrontations with her past.
7. Character Subtext:
Diana hides her identity as Ava’s grandmother to protect her, maintaining secrets about the family's curse and her past actions.
8. Character Intrigue:
She harbors a secret identity as a protector reborn through generations, hinting at a deeper involvement with the family's curse than initially revealed.
9. Flaw:
Her controlling and overprotective nature, while often well-intentioned, sometimes alienates those she aims to protect and can sabotage her relationships and objectives.
10. Values:
Diana values Gentleness, and each person coming to their own spiritual truth.
11. Character Dilemma:
Diana is torn between protecting Ava from harsh truths and empowering her with the knowledge she needs to grow, a conflict that encapsulates her struggle between overprotection and fostering independence.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Profiles Part 1
My vision: I am a leading creator of popular family-friendly stories that bring compelling psychological dimensions to characters and entertaining insights to audiences.

I learned that although I think I may know my characters, each assignment brings more depth and insight. I go back and revisit some of my earlier ideas, such a core traits, and am finding them revised given new information. Very helpful.

Character Profile Ava Reynard
A. The High Concept: When a musician is struck by lightening, her new ability to see sounds leads her to search for a musical secret to break a generational curse.
B. This character’s journey.
Internal Journey: From feeling disconnected and disabled to a champion for her synesthetic gift of sound healing.

External Journey: From an ordinary musician to someone who holds a key to sound healing in nature and people.
Character Arc: the central change in her character arc—the one thing she is trying to avoid for the entire story but ultimately must embrace—is her acceptance of her synesthesia as a gift rather than a curse.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
These aspects about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it.
Transformation: Ava undergoes a powerful personal transformation from a skeptical, disconnected musician to a deeply connected and intuitive healer, demonstrating significant character growth that an actor would be proud to embody.
Synesthetic Journey: Ava's journey into the wilderness and exploration of her synesthetic perception allow an actor to showcase a unique blend of physical and emotional challenges. Her synesthetic journey goes from seeing this as a disability to seeing this as a gift.

This makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the story.
Emotional Complexity: Her internal conflicts regarding her abilities, and her relationship with Diana, She is dimensional and full of contradictions. Ava has attachment issues, she is very dimensional in that she longs for family, she fantasizes about a family and closeness yet has no idea how to form close relationships, so she’s often avoidant. She is both very resilient and very fragile.
Visual Storytelling: Ava's ability to perceive sounds as colors makes her story particularly captivating, as her experience is expressed visually, offering an unusual but intriguing challenge for an actor.

These are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script.
She sneaks around, she’s very secretive and always wants to have a way out. This culminates in her Rescue Mission: Ava’s stealthy, high-stakes rescue mission to save Diana showcases her newfound survival skills and cunning, while also demonstrating her resilience and courage.
Synesthetic Performance: Performing synesthetic healing rituals, Ava brings music and colors together in a dance of sound and sight.

Ways to introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor.
Show her Dimensionality from the beginning. Show that she is very good at music, but avoids social interactions, Ava is introduced through an emotionally charged concert scene, emphasizing her detachment from the audience while highlighting her musical skill and inner turmoil. She also makes impulsive decisions that can get her in trouble in her personal life.
Then: Synesthetic Awakening: Her lightning-strike incident visually portrays the awakening of her synesthetic perception, establishing the transformative journey ahead.
Then: Wilderness Arrival: Ava’s first steps into the wilderness, utterly out of her element, reveal both her skepticism and determination to confront her family’s mysteries.

Aspects of this character’s emotional range.
Secretive to oversharing: At times she can be very revealing, over sharing, and at other times completely non-trusting of others.
Kindness to Anger: Ava tries to be very kind as she is scared to death of anger and conflict but then must deal with this. She is angry at her family’s past and what it did to her so she also has to go on a path to resolution and maybe forgiveness.
Fear to Confidence: She is fearful of her own powers and the unknown wilderness, Ava gains confidence as she masters her abilities and overcomes the external and internal threats.

Types of subtext the actor can play.
Her need for human connection contrasts with her instinct to protect herself. She wants but doesn’t trust others so usually deflects or avoids others questions while she tries to keep the conversation on them. Many people do not see through this. She tries to control the situation with very subtle and passive aggressive means.

The most interesting relationships this character can have.
A mother or grandmother figure that she desperately wants….someone to nurture her. Ava and Diana’s relationship evolves from mentor-mentee to one of familial love and connection,
A relationship that causes conflict.Rivalry with Thorn: Thorn’s twisted manipulation of the family legacy pits him against Ava, creating a tense rivalry that reflects internal struggles and unresolved traumas.

Ways this character’s unique voice be presented.
Musical Metaphors: Ava often describes her emotions and perceptions through musical metaphors and imagery, painting her worldview through unique language.
Synesthetic Descriptions: She uses vivid descriptions of colors, shapes, and sounds to express her perception..
Evolving Tone: Ava’s tone evolves from sarcastic skepticism and passive/ broken language to thoughtful introspection and, eventually, to a more confident, healing-oriented perspective.

Qualities that make this character special and unique.

Synesthetic Healing Powers: Her ability to perceive music as colors and shapes makes Ava a uniquely visual protagonist, turning her performances into multisensory experiences.
We question her inner strength.Despite her early insecurities and isolation, and her problems with making attachments to others, Ava demonstrates unwavering perseverance, and compassion, which make her a memorable character.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Role in the Story: Ava, the protagonist, is a musician who acquires synesthesia and goes on a journey to search for a musical secret to break a generational curse.
Age range and Description: Concert violinist city girl in her 20s.
Core Traits:
Resilient
Inquisitive
Guarded/Selectively Transparent
Empathetic
Motivation; Want/Need:
Primary Want (Goal): Ava wants to uncover the musical key to break the generational curse that affects her family’s musical talents
Primary Need (Internal Requirement): Ava needs to accept her synesthesia as a unique gift, not a curse.
Wound: Deep-Seated Emotional Injury: Ava’s wound stems from feeling abandoned and misunderstood driving her reluctance to form close relationships and her fear of being further ostracized for her differences.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: kind and comforting to others, she’s nurturing and protective of those who may be weaker.
Acts of Kindness: Show Ava using her synesthesia to create beautiful, soothing music that visibly heals or comforts others, demonstrating her kindness.
Protective Nature: Depict Ava protecting a younger character or an animal in distress, showcasing her nurturing side, which endears her to the audience.
Relatability: struggles with self-acceptance and searching to connect with a family group.
Struggle with Acceptance: Many can relate to Ava’s initial rejection of her synesthesia, akin to struggling with any personal or physical trait that makes one feel different. Show her internal battle with self-acceptance, a universal theme.
Family Ties: Her quest to connect with her family history and resolve generational issues is something that resonates with many, as most people deal with family legacy in various forms.
Empathy: she’s isolates herself because she’s often overwhelmed, with sensations re: synesthesia, and with emotion. She has to confront her fear of rejection from others. .
Vulnerability in Solitude: Scenes where Ava is alone, grappling with her synesthesia in overwhelming situations, elicit empathy. For instance, her experiencing a cacophony of discordant colors and sounds during a crisis, overwhelming her.
Confrontation with Fear: Put Ava in scenarios where she must confront her fear of rejection or misunderstanding by others because of her synesthesia, which makes the audience root for her overcoming these deeply personal challenges.

Silas Thorne: Antagonist
Journey Silas’s journey is one of increasing revelation; he starts as a seemingly benign spiritual leader but is progressively exposed as manipulative and self-serving.
The Actor Attractors for this character.
Actor Attractors for Silas Thorne
1. Known for Role:
Master Manipulator: An actor would be attracted to the role of Silas Thorn for the opportunity to portray a complex character who masterfully manipulates his followers and the protagonist. He seems to be humble but is actually most concerned with himself.
Charismatic Cult Leader: The role offers a chance to delve into the psyche of a charismatic leader whose charm is a facade for darker motives. He’s jealous and scheming.
2. Most Interesting Character:
Complex Morality: Silas's use of manipulative tactics, creates a morally ambiguous character who genuinely believes in his mission, offering an actor the challenge of making the audience empathize with his reasoning.
Duality of Nature: The juxtaposition of Silas's public persona as a peaceful spiritual leader against his private ruthlessness and desperation to maintain power and control makes him a profoundly layered character.
Transformational Arc: Silas starts as an admired and revered leader but gradually unveils his darker side, providing an actor the opportunity to explore a transformational character arc that is rich with conflict and drama.
3. Interesting Actions:
Opposites: He can be doing some group healing ritual and then turn around and do the opposite of what he “preaches”
Undermining Protagonist: Silas could engage in subtle psychological warfare, planting seeds of doubt in Ava’s mind about her abilities and heritage, using his deep understanding of human psychology to manipulate her path.
Confrontation and Revelation: Engaging in a climactic confrontation with Ava where he reveals his true motivations and past tragedies, allowing for a powerful, emotionally charged scene that tests both his and Ava's resolve.
4. Introduction:
Serene Guide: Introduce Silas in a serene, captivating scene where he is leading a group meditation, drawing in both his live audience and the film’s audience with his calm yet intense demeanor.
5. Emotional Range:
Calm to Furious: Silas maintains a serene facade, but under pressure, his true volatile and dangerous nature surfaces, offering a broad emotional spectrum from tranquil to explosive.
Manipulative Sadness: He can exhibit a sorrowful backstory to manipulate others, displaying vulnerability that is calculated and serves his hidden agendas.
6. Subtext:
Fear of Obscurity: Silas's actions are driven by a deep fear of becoming irrelevant or losing his influence, which he masks with a veneer of altruism. He needs acclaim and is easily jealous
7. Interesting Relationships:
With Ava: A complex mix of mentorship and manipulation, where he initially guides her but gradually becomes her nemesis as their true intentions unfold.
With Diana: A former lover from his past filled with both collaboration and conflict, adding layers of history and tension to their interactions.
With Followers: A dynamic of deep loyalty mixed with fear, providing a look at how he inspires and controls his followers.
8. Unique Voice:
Prophetic and Poetic: Silas uses a poetic, almost prophetic speech pattern that mesmerizes and convinces, blending nature and spiritual lexicons.
Whispers and Roars: His voice can be soothingly soft to draw listeners in or thunderously loud to command attention and instill fear.
9. Special:
A True Believer: What makes Silas special is that he is not just a villain for villainy’s sake; he truly believes in his cause, blurring the lines between right and wrong.
Environmental Savant: He has an encyclopedic knowledge of environmental science and spiritual practices, making him not just a leader but an expert in his field.

3. first 6 parts of the profile for Anagonist.
Role in the Story: Silas Thorn is the antagonist whose motives conflict with Ava's. He is a spiritual leader who aims to manipulate Ava’s abilities for his own benefit.
Age Range and Description: late 40’s, athletically fit, man
Core Traits: Charismatic, deceptive, dominant, fanatic
Motivation;
Primary Want (Goal): Silas wants to cement his control over the spiritual community and extend his influence to enforce his radical views on returning to nature, seeing himself as a savior of humanity.
Primary Need (Internal Requirement): Deep down, Silas needs validation and recognition, stemming from a profound fear of obscurity and insignificance. His actions are driven by a desperate need to be remembered and revered.
Wound: Deep-Seated Emotional Injury: Silas's extremist views and manipulative behavior are rooted in a personal tragedy involving technological advancement and societal neglect.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
Charitable Acts: Show Silas engaging in acts that genuinely benefit the community, like organizing naturalist programs for underprivileged children or leading environmental clean-ups, showcasing his charismatic and benevolent side.
Personal Sacrifice: Depict moments where Silas makes personal sacrifices for his beliefs, such as living austerely or using his resources to fund the retreat center, demonstrating his commitment and selflessness.
Relatability:
Backstory Reveals: Through flashbacks, show Silas in his earlier, more innocent days, struggling with societal changes and personal losses that many can empathize with, explaining how he became who he is.
Empathy:
Exposed Vulnerability: In moments of solitude, reveal Silas' vulnerabilities, such as mourning the loss of his family or expressing fears about his legacy, to create scenes where the audience can feel his pain and understand his motivations.

A.Diana Wildroot: Triangle Character
B. Journey: Diana’s journey involves reconnection with her past and coming to terms with her previous relationship with Silas, as well as revealing her true identity to Ava. She plays a crucial role in guiding Ava toward understanding the true nature of her gift and the realities of the curse.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

These aspects about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it.

Mentor-Healer: Diana is an older woman, a wounded healer who has her own issues but also wise in ways of healing so she can be a compassionate mentor, guiding Ava through her challenges while maintaining her own mysterious aura.
Generational Guardian: Known as someone with knowledge of the family’s past, Diana can pass this down, making her an indelible part of the family’s history.

This makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story
Complex Past: Diana’s history with Silas and her decision to protect the family legacy by hiding add layers to the secret she is keeping.
Multifaceted Mentor: She combines her roles as mentor, herbalist, and spiritual guide with a complex emotional struggle over her own short comings and revealing her true identity to Ava.
Moral Ambiguity: Diana’s use of secrecy and manipulation in guiding Ava demonstrates her willingness to make morally gray decisions for the greater good.

Some of the most interesting actions she could take in the script.
Herbal Practices: Diana performs hight level healing rituals, blending her extensive knowledge of the natural world with spiritual practices. She uses spiritual healing techniques on Ava, like Reiki, essential oils and tinctures, sound and color healing and use of gemstones.
Diana’s expression of ADD, and hangs onto things. Gets caught up in disorganization.
Conflict with Silas: Diana goes back and forth with Silas over their shared past, revealing both her lingering wounds and her determination to protect Ava and the legacy.

Ways to introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor…
Healing Ritual: Introduce Diana as a wifty flower child but when she turns to a powerful healing ritual, she demonstrates her spiritual and herbal expertise while hinting at her personal burden.

Possibilities for this character’s emotional range.
Grief to Resilience: Diana’s grief over her separation from her family is juxtaposed with her resilient spirit and determination to protect Ava.
Love to Regret: Her affection for Ava is intertwined with regret over keeping secrets, creating a complex dynamic of love and caution.
Fear to Power: Diana can be superstitious and fearful but when she is in her element she is totally confident.
Diana’s fear of Silas's manipulations turns into defiant resolve as she prepares to face her past and stand up for her family.
Subtext this actor can play
Diana hides the fact that she is Ava’s grandmother. She struggles to reconcile her role as a long-lost grandmother with her role as a mentor
Past Regrets vs. Future Hope: While her history with Silas haunts her, she channels her energy into building hope for Ava’s future.
The most interesting relationships this character can have are…
Ava: The evolving bond between Diana and Ava is layered with tension, love, and the pressure of a hidden family legacy. In Ava, she sees some aspects of herself, aspects that mirror Diana.
Silas: Diana’s past relationship with Silas is both a source of strength and vulnerability, as their history complicates her guidance to Ava.
Ways this character’s unique voice be presented.
It’s a very fairy-godmother like voice, light and airy that doesn’t match her stoutness. Nature’s Voice: Diana often personifies nature’s voice in her speech, offering poetic yet grounded insights into the natural world.
She is also the voice of intuition and spirituality. The fact that she seems to have ADD, and hangs onto things. Gets caught up in disorganization.

Qualities that make this character special and unique.
Diana is a complex and dimensional healer who doesn’t always acknowledge or stand in her own power. She has a gift of spiritual and natural healing as well as knowledge of wilderness survival. Ava acts as a mirror to her but she doesn’t always recognize it.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Role in the Story: Role: Diana acts as both mentor and secret family to Ava, guiding her through her spiritual and emotional journey.
Age range and Description: Diana is a mid 70s, flower child medicine woman.
Core Traits: protective, resilient, mystical, manipulative
Primary Want (Goal): Diana wants to preserve the ancient wisdom and ensure its survival through Ava.
Primary Need (Internal Requirement): Diana needs to atone for past mistakes, particularly those involving her actions with Silas and the impacts on her family. Wound:
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
Wisdom Sharing: Show Diana imparting valuable knowledge and wisdom in a way that benefits others beyond Ava, such as helping local communities or healing the sick,
Gentle Humor: Infuse her character with moments of gentle humor, especially in her interactions with Ava, to soften her mystique and make her more endearing.
Relatability:
Family Struggles: Highlight her struggles with family dynamics, particularly the challenges of secrecy and protection.
Regret and Redemption: Through flashbacks or conversations, reveal Diana’s regrets about her past decisions.
Empathy:
Personal Sacrifices: Illustrate the personal sacrifices Diana has made in her quest to protect the wisdom and her family, such as living in isolation or giving up personal happiness.
Confrontation of Past Mistakes: Place Diana in situations where she must confront the consequences of her past actions, particularly with Silas.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Intrigue
My vision: I am a leading creator of popular family-friendly stories that bring compelling psychological dimensions to characters and entertaining insights to audiences.

What I learned doing this assignment: in brainstorming these, I had a breakthrough that I would like to have one of my characters (Diana) have a secret identity. In brainstorming this it turned into a whole new twist. I’m sitting with it awhile as it may change a number of things in the story, but it is intriguing to me.

Character: Ava Reynard
Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Ava-was abandoned and abused as a young child by her caretaker. This underpins her difficulties in trusting others, particularly in close relationships.
Hidden Agenda/ DeceptionAva wants to find out about her mother and gain some closure but she doesn’t want to tell anyone about it so she also deceives and feigns ignorance when this comes up with others.

Character: Diana Wildroot
Intrigue:
Secret: Diana does not reveal she is Ava’s Grandmother…she may also hide her connections to other key figures in the community who are pivotal to the family’s history and Ava's destiny.

Possibility: Unspoken Wound: Diana’s unspoken wound involves the loss of her own child, Ava’s parent, which fuels her overprotectiveness and secretive nature.

Secret Identity Diana is not just a healer; she is a timeless protector, someone who has been reincarnated through various generations to undo a musical curse. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Diana herself was the architect of the curse.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Subtext Characters
Vision: My vision is to be a leading creator of family-friendly stories that use psychological insights to develop diverse, dimensional characters who entertain and transform perspectives.
What I learned: In doing this I learned that my two main character have a number of subtext issues that provide mirrors for each other. Diana sees so much of herself in the younger Ava.
Character Name: Ava Reynard
Subtext Identity: A synesthetic musician who is ashamed of her synesthesia and does not want to use it for healing.

Subtext Traits: Hiding something, afraid to say, secret so she has the tendency to avoid emotional confrontations influences her interactions, leading her to flee or shut down when faced with intense situations.

Subtext Logline: Ava is a reluctant healer who must embrace her unique abilities to save her family’s legacy.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Ava hides her synesthesia from her friends and colleagues right after the lightening strike, When someone asks her about it she lies and claims she has a headache or some other ailment or changes the subject.
Secret: Ava keeps the truth about her synesthetic abilities a secret from most, including initially Diana, which shapes how she engages with her mentor and how she handles her own self-discovery.
She controls the conversations away from herself.
Luring/Seducing: Ava can use her musical performances, to captivate and subtly manipulate her audience, serving both her need for acceptance and her strategic purposes
Withholding: Throughout her journey, Ava withholds trust and full disclosure from those around her, including potential allies, out of fear of betrayal or harm.
Being Polite: Ava maintains a polite facade in social situations to mask her discomfort and to keep others at a safe distance, controlling how much they can know about her.

Character Name: Diana Wildroot
Subtext Identity, Diana’s healing actions are underscored by her own need for healing. She keeps her relationship to Diana a secret so as to “protect” her.
Subtext traits:
Protectiveness: Diana's protectiveness over Ava and the family legacy often leads her to take covert actions to shield Ava from harsh truths or external threats, sometimes at the cost of transparency.
Moral Ambiguity: Her willingness to manipulate situations for the perceived greater good reveals a complexity in her character, where the ends might justify the means.
Superstitious Caution: Her superstitions influence her decisions and advice, sometimes leading her to withhold information or act in ways that might seem irrational to outsiders but are deeply rooted in her beliefs.
Subtext Logline: Diana is a secretive guardian who uses her profound knowledge of nature and healing to protect and guide her granddaughter, while concealing her true identity and past wounds.

Possible Areas of Subtext:
Hiding Something: Diana hides her identity as Ava’s grandmother, subtly influencing Ava’s path without revealing her personal stakes in it.
Secret: Diana keeps her deepest vulnerabilities and the true extent of the family curse a secret, afraid of the implications of full disclosure.
Withholding: She often withholds critical information about the spiritual and dangerous elements of their journey, aiming to protect Ava.
Being Polite: Diana maintains a calm and nurturing demeanor, even when internally conflicted or distressed, to keep Ava focused and undisturbed.
Plotting: Her strategic guidance of Ava, especially in preparing for confrontations with Silas or dealing with the wilderness, often involves careful plotting that Ava is not fully aware of.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Actor attractors!
My vision is to be a leading creator of family-friendly stories that use psychological insights to develop diverse, dimensional characters who entertain and transform perspectives.

Doing this assignment again confirmed the breakthrough that it’s most helpful for me to do the assignment first and then when I use ChatGpt I can see where Ai’s suggestions resonate and may expand my ideas…and where they may be off. If I didn’t do this I think I might be more swayed by ChatGpt’s suggestions. Also, often the suggestions are more general that what I’m thinking about character.

Lead Character Name: Ava Reynard
Role: Protagonist.
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Transformation: Ava undergoes a powerful personal transformation from a skeptical, disconnected musician to a deeply connected and intuitive healer, demonstrating significant character growth that an actor would be proud to embody.
Synesthetic Journey: Ava's journey into the wilderness and exploration of her synesthetic perception allow an actor to showcase a unique blend of physical and emotional challenges. Her synesthetic journey goes from seeing this as a disability to seeing this as a gift.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Emotional Complexity: Her internal conflicts regarding her abilities, and her relationship with Diana, She is dimensional and full of contradictions. Ava has attachment issues, she is very dimensional in that she longs for family, she fantasizes about a family and closeness yet has no idea how to form close relationships, so she’s often avoidant. She is both very resilient and very fragile.
Visual Storytelling: Ava's ability to perceive sounds as colors makes her story particularly captivating, as her experience is expressed visually, offering an unusual but intriguing challenge for an actor.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She sneaks around, she’s very secretive and always wants to have a way out. This culminates in her Rescue Mission: Ava’s stealthy, high-stakes rescue mission to save Diana showcases her newfound survival skills and cunning, while also demonstrating her resilience and courage.
Synesthetic Performance: Performing synesthetic healing rituals, Ava brings music and colors together in a dance of sound and sight.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Show her Dimensionality from the beginning. Show that she is very good at music, but avoids social interactions, Ava is introduced through an emotionally charged concert scene, emphasizing her detachment from the audience while highlighting her musical skill and inner turmoil. She also makes impulsive decisions that can get her in trouble in her personal life.
Then: Synesthetic Awakening: Her lightning-strike incident visually portrays the awakening of her synesthetic perception, establishing the transformative journey ahead.
Then: Wilderness Arrival: Ava’s first steps into the wilderness, utterly out of her element, reveal both her skepticism and determination to confront her family’s mysteries.

What could be this character’s emotional range?
Secretive to oversharing: At times she can be very revealing, over sharing, and at other times completely non-trusting of others.
Kindness to Anger: Ava tries to be very kind as she is scared to death of anger and conflict but then must deal with this. She is angry at her family’s past and what it did to her so she also has to go on a path to resolution and maybe forgiveness.
Fear to Confidence: She is fearful of her own powers and the unknown wilderness, Ava gains confidence as she masters her abilities and overcomes the external and internal threats.

What subtext can the actor play?
Her need for human connection contrasts with her instinct to protect herself. She wants but doesn’t trust others so usually deflects or avoids others questions while she tries to keep the conversation on them. Many people do not see through this. She tries to control the situation with very subtle and passive aggressive means.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
A mother or grandmother figure that she desperately wants….someone to nurture her. Ava and Diana’s relationship evolves from mentor-mentee to one of familial connection,
A love or friendship relationship…. Not thought out yet.
A relationship that causes conflict.Rivalry with Thorn: Thorn’s twisted manipulation of the family legacy pits him against Ava, creating a tense rivalry that reflects internal struggles and unresolved traumas.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Musical Metaphors: Ava often describes her emotions and perceptions through musical metaphors and imagery, painting her worldview through unique language.
Synesthetic Descriptions: She uses vivid descriptions of colors, shapes, and sounds to express her perception..
Evolving Tone: Ava’s tone evolves from sarcastic skepticism and passive/ broken language to thoughtful introspection and, eventually, to a more confident, healing-oriented perspective.

What could make this character special and unique?
Synesthetic Healing Powers: Her ability to perceive music as colors and shapes makes Ava a uniquely visual protagonist, turning her performances into multisensory experiences.
We question her inner strength.Despite her early insecurities and isolation, and her problems with making attachments to others, Ava demonstrates unwavering perseverance, and compassion, which make her a memorable character.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Genre Conventions
My vision is to be a leading creator of family-friendly stories that use psychological insights to develop diverse, dimensional characters who entertain and transform.

Title: Symphony in Color
Genre: Drama with fantasy elements
Concept: After being struck by lightning, her synesthetic brain rewiring leads a musician to search for a musical healing secret in the wilderness to break a generational curse.

I learned that although I had general genre conventions in mind, this helped me to specifically target and enhance the specifics of Drama.

Genre Conventions
CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA
PURPOSE: To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes
for their characters.
I’ve increased the emotional stakes for Ava

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the
characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film's events
and progression.
•I’ve focused more on the the relationship bond between Ava and Diana, who she finds out is her grandmother.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story's events are
relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes comes
from within the characters more than from external pressures.
Ava’s struggle with her identity and powers, and her desire to save Diana and restore the natural balance, provide the core emotional stakes.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters' emotions and how they experience the events.
CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get
challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they
run into.
•Ava has to deal with her new synesthetic experiences, which fundamentally change how she sees the world.
•She has to overcome deceptions by Diana (her grandmother) and Thorn.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Opening: Ava's emotional disconnect from the world and herself sets the stage, using her on-stage performance juxtaposed with the storm to symbolize her inner turmoil. Onstage Disconnection: Ava performs a complex violin solo on stage while a storm rages outside. She focuses almost entirely on sound (doesn’t care about visual ). She’s a great technician, but doesn’t have a lot of emotional musical depth… Immediately after concert, Ava bypasses celebrating with fellow musicians and instead sits alone in the dressing room, staring at her violin case while a storm rages outside.

Inciting Incident: Ava walks home silenced from the outside world by earphones. She is struck by lightning on her way home, altering her senses to perceive sounds as vivid colors. She wakes up in a hospital, seeing the beeping monitors and bustling nurses as a symphony of colors and shapes, realizing something profound has changed within her.

Turning Point: Ava decides to get away to recuperate at a wilderness retreat, where she meets Diana Wildroot. Ava’s lack of wilderness skills is immediately evident, and she struggles with basic survival tasks, highlighting her "fish out of water" status. Diana introduces the quest for the "Special Note," hinting at deeper familial connections yet unrevealed. Ava’s initial ineptitude in the wilderness, compounded by her synesthetic perceptions, deepens her personal and emotional crisis, making her journey not just about survival but about understanding her new self in a real-world context.
2: Mastery and Deception
New Plan: Diana begins teaching Ava to control her synesthetic perceptions, using natural elements like the sound of a creek or the rustling leaves to create visual-aural maps. Their bond deepens as Diana imparts survival skills alongside lessons on the "Special Note."
Plan in Action: Ava’s growing competence in the wilderness mirrors her increasing trust and reliance on Diana. She starts to shed her urban biases and embraces the slower, attuned pace of nature. Their relationship deepens, with Diana becoming more than a mentor; she becomes a confidante.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ava’s perceived mastery of the "Special Note" and her comfort in the wilderness are both shattered by the revelation that her success is an illusion orchestrated by Silas Thorn, who then captures Diana. This betrayal forces Ava to reassess her adaptability and reliance on Diana and reevaluate her own strengths and weaknesses in a challenging situation.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Rethink Everything: In her quest to rescue Diana, Ava learns of Diana’s true identity as her grandmother. This revelation transforms their relationship, infusing it with new meaning and responsibility and Ava's commitment to their shared legacy pushing her to internalize her role within her family’s history
New Plan: With personal stakes heightened, Ava integrates her newfound wilderness skills with her synesthetic abilities to devise a plan to rescue Diana and confront Thorn, now fully understanding the depth of his deceit and her own role in their legacy.
Turning Point: An initial failed attempt to confront Thorn emphasizes the need for Ava to fully embrace both her wilderness adaptability and the lessons from Diana, highlighting the synthesis of her dual growth—personal and environmental. This failure tests the strength of Ava and Diana’s relationship, compelling them to trust each other more deeply and collaborate more closely.
4: Climax and Resolution
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Ava, now fully at home in the wilderness and in tune with her "Special Note," faces Thorn in a showdown that tests all her skills. She uses her deep connection to nature and the lessons from Diana to overcome Thorn’s manipulations.
Resolution: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. The healing sanctuary is restored, symbolizing the healing of the land and Ava herself. She embraces her synesthesia and her place in the wilderness, alongside her deep bond with Diana.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Subject line: Mary’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My vision is to be a leading creator of family-friendly stories that use psychological insights to develop diverse, dimensional characters who entertain and transform perspectives.

I’m learning that this step by step process is very powerful…I might wonder why not just start with 4-act structure? But I see the value in building this step by step.

Title: Symphony in Color
Genre: Drama with magical realism
Concept: A synesthetic musician's attempt to heal nature with her unique perception leads to a profound self-discovery.

Old Ways:
Average musician
No knowledge of family heritage
Ignorant of synesthesia and feels cursed by it.
Materialistic: Dismissive/skeptical of sound healing
Doesn’t believe in herself
New Ways:
Embraces her uniqueness as a musician
Brings her family together
Celebrates her color sound synesthesia as a gift.
Embraces her more spiritual role: Champion of sound healing.
Confident and self-accepting.

Act 1: Discovery and Departure
Opening: Ava Reynard is onstage, lost in her music, visibly disconnected from both the audience and her own emotions. A storm mirrors her internal conflict.
Inciting Incident: Walking home in the storm, Ava is struck by lightning, radically altering her senses to perceive sounds as vivid colors, isolating her further.
Turning Point: Seeking understanding away from city skepticism, Ava follows a family legend to a wilderness retreat, where she meets her mentor, Diana Wildroot, who introduces the quest for the "Special Note."
Act 2: Mastery and Deception
New Plan: Guided by Diana, Ava begins to explore and experiment with her synesthetic abilities, attempting to connect these with the natural world.
Plan in Action: Ava’s experiments lead her to believe she might have discovered the "Special Note," which appears to restore a part of the wilderness.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ava's success is revealed as an illusion orchestrated by Silas Thorn, who captures Diana to halt Ava’s progress and manipulate her powers for his own goals.
Act 3: Descent and Redetermination
Rethink Everything: Ava learns of Diana’s true identity as her grandmother and reevaluates her understanding of her abilities and heritage.
New Plan: Reinvigorated by the personal stakes, Ava resolves to save Diana and confront Thorn, understanding the depth of his deceit and her own role in their legacy.
Turning Point: Ava’s initial attempt to confront Thorn results in a significant setback, forcing her to devise a new strategy that aligns her synesthetic powers with her newfound knowledge of her family’s curse.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Ava uses her mastery of the "Special Note" in a final showdown against Thorn, countering his illusions and deceit with her genuine connection to the wilderness.
Resolution: Ava rescues Diana and defeats Thorn. The healing sanctuary is restored, and Ava’s journey culminates in her acceptance of synesthesia as a profound strength. She bridges the gap between humanity and nature, ensuring the preservation of the wilderness and her family’s secrets.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

My vision is to be a leading creator of family-friendly movies that use psychological insights to develop diverse, dimensional characters who entertain and transform perspectives.

What I learned doing this assignment is that although there are possibilities for each type of subtext plot, the two most compelling stood out to me from the beginning. It was helpful to do this first as AI did confirm the same subtext plots I gave. Since it gave me 5 more plausible subtext plots I think I may have been overwhelmed if I would have started with this.

Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots and give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

Concept: A synesthetic musician's attempt to heal nature with her unique perception leads to a profound self-discovery.

√Someone Hides Who They Are – Diana Wildroot, while mentoring Ava, hides her true identity as Ava's grandmother and her own past involvement with the curse.
This plays out through hints of Diana's deeper knowledge of Ava, the family and the curse, leading to Ava’s increasing curiosity and sense of attachment to Diane. Then Ava gets a large hint into Diana’s true identity and motives. The revelation impacts their relationship, forcing both to confront their family history.

√The Fish Out of Water Ava is a fish out of water as a city person in the wilderness she is completely out of her element.
This plays out with initial wrong-headed assumptions about living off-grid in the wilderness, forcing her to start as a beginner. This dovetails her need to adapt and embrace her unique perception (synesthesia) of the world, turning her initial discomfort into a series of trial and error until she finally develops a profound connection with the natural world and her inner self.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s transformational journey

My Vision: I am one of the most sought after writers in the family friendly drama space. I bring fun, creativity, and a breath of fresh air to my stories because of my unique skills in story telling and my background in neuropsychology and history.

What I learned from this assignment. I thought I had my protagonists Arc but it wasn’t as specific, clear and detailed as what I have after doing this assignment. I found that after I came up with the aspects of the Journey, that AI helped to both confirm what I had (because I could see what fits and what doesn’t) and to sharpen and refine what I had because of the the choice of words ChatGPT+ used.

For Ava Reynard
Arc Beginning: Ava starts as isolated musician who sees herself as broken with synesthesia as a curse.
Arc Ending: Ava embraces her synesthesia as special gift of healing through music and uses this to heal a family wound.

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.
Internal Journey: From feeling disconnected and not believing in her abilities to a champion for her gifts of sound healing.

External Journey: From an ordinary musician to someone who holds a key to sound healing in nature and people.

4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.
Old Ways:
Average musician
No knowledge of family heritage
Ignorant of synesthesia and feels cursed by it.
Materialistic: Dismissive/skeptical of sound healing
Doesn’t believe in herself
New Ways:
Embraces her uniqueness as a musician
Brings her family together
Celebrates her color sound synesthesia as a gift.
Embraces her more spiritual role: Champion of sound healing.
Confident and self-accepting.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: I am one of the most sought after writers in the family friendly drama space. I bring fun, creativity, and a breath of fresh air to my popular movies and episodic series because of my unique skills in story telling and my background in neuropsychology and history.

What I learned doing this assignment- I’m using a triangle for the first time with my characters so it made me go more deeply into the relationship between Diana and Silas (in addition to the relationships between Ava and Silas and Ava and her long-last grandmother. I revised a few things on the character structure that I developed in the pre-class assignments, but this definitely deepened the characters and I can see how this will lead to interesting layers. I modified the prompts to use and develop the characters I already had. So the transformational journey and the intentionality of the characters was what stood out in the AI.

• Character: Ava Reynard
• Logline: Ava Reynard (protagonist) is synesthetic musician who seeks a musical healing key in the wilderness to break a generational family curse.
• Unique: Ava has color-sound synesthesia

• Character: Silas Thorn
• Logline: Silas Thorn is an unscrupulous spiritual guru who seeks to use Ava for his own gain.
• Unique: As a person who attests to being spiritual Silas claims to have special insight into healing people and healing the natural world

• Character: Diana Wildroot
• Logline: Diana Wildroot is a medicine woman who is Ava’s mentor and secretly, her long-lost grandmother. She had a relationship with Silas when she was younger.
• Unique: Diana is a mentor who is very invested in Ava’s welfare. She also has special knowledge of Silas.

Revised prompt: Please develop the lead characters for this [genre] feature screenplay about [concept] and these [characters].

For this story, please start with the characters provided and develop them.

Ava Reynard (Protagonist)

• Role: Ava is the central character whose synesthetic abilities lead her on a journey of self-discovery and healing, both personally and environmentally.
• Journey:

Ava’s journey is one of self-discovery and empowerment. As she ventures into the wilderness to uncover the musical key to heal nature and break her family’s curse, she must navigate both external threats and internal conflicts stemming from her synesthesia and family legacy.

• Ava starts as a somewhat isolated and misunderstood figure due to her unique perception of sounds as colors. Her journey involves understanding and mastering her synesthesia to heal a generational curse affecting her family’s musical gifts. This journey leads her through trials that test her resilience, culminating in a profound transformation that allows her to embrace her abilities fully and heal both herself and the natural world.
• Unique: Ava’s synesthetic experience is not just a sensory quirk but is intimately connected to her family’s historical relationship with music and nature. Her ability allows her to perceive the world in a way others cannot, seeing the hidden connections between sound, color, and healing.
• Intentional: Ava’s synesthesia and her lineage make her uniquely suited to undertake this quest. Her personal stake in resolving the curse and her connection to nature through her sensory experiences drive the narrative and provide a relatable yet extraordinary protagonist.Silas Thorn (Antagonist)

• Role: Silas is the antagonist whose motives conflict with Ava’s. He poses as a spiritual guru who aims to manipulate Ava’s abilities for his own benefit.
• Journey: Silas’s journey is one of increasing revelation; he starts as a seemingly benign spiritual leader but is progressively exposed as manipulative and self-serving. His journey intersects with Ava’s as his true intentions and past connections with Diana come to light.
• Unique: Silas’s claim to spiritual insights, particularly in healing, provides a direct contrast to Ava’s genuine abilities. His understanding of the spiritual and natural world, though skewed by his ambitions, makes him a formidable and complex adversary.
• Intentional: Silas’s position as a spiritual leader and his past with Diana provide him the tools and motivation to oppose Ava effectively. His manipulative nature and deep-seated ambition are essential for challenging Ava’s growth, making her victories all the more significant and her transformation tangible.

Diana Wildroot (Connecting Character)

• Role: Diana acts as both mentor and secret family to Ava, guiding her through her spiritual and emotional journey.
• Journey: Diana’s journey involves reconnection with her past and coming to terms with her previous relationship with Silas, as well as revealing her true identity to Ava. She plays a crucial role in guiding Ava toward understanding the true nature of her gift and the realities of the curse.
• Unique: Diana’s deep connection to nature and her role as a medicine woman give her a unique perspective on the healing process. Her knowledge of Silas’s true nature and her own history with him add layers to her character and her relationship with Ava.
• Intentional: Diana is intentionally placed in the story to bridge the generational gap and provide historical and emotional depth to the curse affecting Ava’s family. Her mentoring is pivotal in helping Ava navigate the complexities of her synesthesia and the spiritual world.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: I am one of the most sought after writers in the family friendly drama space. I bring fun, creativity, and a breath of fresh air to my popular movies and episodic series because of my unique skills in story telling and my background in neuropsychology and history.

What I learned doing this assignment is that a dramatic triangle probably fits my story best. I had not considered it before now and am eager to learn more about this structure.

Title: Symphony in Color

Genre: Drama with magical realism

Concept: A synesthetic musician’s attempt to heal nature with her unique perception leads to a profound self-discovery and battle with personal demons.

I’m choosing a dramatic triangle with my main character, Ava, her grandmother/ shaman and an antagonist.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Decreased Budget

In this assignment I learned that if I focus on the dramatic intent of the scene, I may not lose much dramatically if I change the location and use one that I already have. The visual effect may not be as stunning but the dramatic effect should be similar.

From the list below I would take out 18^thcentury market, Independence Hall, and a major 18^thcentury Wharf. These are the most expensive scenes and they involve big crowds. I would also take out a chase scene that winds through 18^thcentury Philly. I need kids (leads) but can take out animals. I could also take out a scene with an explosion.

– Number of Locations, 8-10 CT, MN house, Collet boat, 18^thcent. Market, Ind Hall, wharf, street, covered wagon, kidnapper’s boat.
– √Expensive locations 18^thcent.Market, Ind Hall, wharf
– Number of characters
– Special effects -0
– √Number of pages-119
– √Crowd scenes ind. Hall, Market, wharf
– √Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes 1 chase scene
– √Special sets – 18^thcentury street scenes

SECONDARY VARIABLES

– Rights to music, brands, books, etc.
– √Explosions and Firearms – 1 explosion, 2 shooting pistols into the air and 1 bonfire
– √Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set
– √Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society
– Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados
– Water and underwater scenes
– √Night scenes
– Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots
– Green screen work
– Extensive Make-up

– √Period costumes
– Archival Footage
– Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance<div>

2. With a major scene that depends upon a “high budget variable,” take it through the process of finding another way to deliver on the dramatic goal.

1. Tell us about the high budget item in your script that you are letting go of. The highest budget item in my script is the 18^thcentury crowd scene (with soldiers) of the reading of the declaration of Independence in front of Independence Hall in Philly. Also have a cow running loose that escapes from Lydia. The high budget would be to film in front of the actual Independence Hall in Philadelphia using many people and an animal.

2. Ask, “What is the dramatic goal am I trying to accomplish with this scene?” Hannah and Lydia meet the soldier Hugh McDonald at the anniversary reading of the Declaration of Independence. Hannah is awestruck. Lydia is annoyed.

3. Ask, “How can I accomplish the dramatic goal without the expense?” I would set the scene on the front steps of the City Tavern, where the dignitaries are gathered. We could take out much of the crowd and take the cow entirely out of the script or show Lydia looking for her lost cow.

</div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment – I have a basic treatment that follows from a short story but I need to fill this out…maybe subplots?

Title: Her own Path
Genre: Drama – Historical
Concept/ Logline: A young enslaved woman must choose between her American master and British forces who threaten to burn the town to the ground during the war of 1812.

HETTY BOULDEN has just heard that the British are coming! As a young enslaved woman on a small plantation in Maryland, in the midst of the war of 1812 she’s heard two things about the British. SULLIVAN, an enslaved man says they will free men who fight with them. MR. FRISBY, her master, says they’re red devils. Hetty doesn’t put a lot of stock in promises of freedom, or in white folks fretting and crying wolf with every rumor of roving British ships coming to steal supplies and burn towns.

This is not Hetty’s war but everyone is on edge. She is cynical about the makeshift forts the local people construct up and down the river. She is annoyed about extra chores as SULLIVAN is conscripted to help. The locals hide their boats and pull a chain blockade across the river just above the Frisby plantation.

A massive British ship sails up the river. It lands just downriver and the soldiers burn the contents of Frisby’s store houses. The local militia can’t hold them and flee, running through the Frisby plantation and trampling the garden that Hetty and the others have just planted.

Act 2: BRITISH LIEUTENANT WESTPHAL and his troops sail upriver and dock at the Frisby plantation. Because the river is blocked they demand that someone act as scout to lead them overland up to townso they can pillage and burn. Master Frisby refuses. Sullivan is upriver stowing boats. The officer considers the other enslaved women as scouts. The women try to play ignorant, but it is discovered that Hetty knows the way.

The Lieutenant sees how much Frisby relies on Hetty. He announces he will take Hetty to lead them. She is now in an impossible position. If she goes, she may be paid or freed, but also be blamed by the townspeople as the one who betrayed them. If she refuses, she fears she will be killed on the spot by the British. The British threaten Master Frisby and Hetty is “selected” to act as scout.

Hetty starts out in the lead of 200 British soldiers. Just then, as she prays for help, an idea comes to her. Instead of the direct route, she turns to lead them along the long swampy path along the river. ABRAHAM, a young boy starts to yell out that it’s the wrong way, but he is quickly hushed.

Hetty can only hope she is leading these men towards hiding militia. At the turn in the river where she expects the militia, there is no one to be found. Lieutenant Westphal becomes suspicious and threatens to beat her. Around the next bend the British finally come into an ambush. In the heat of the battle, Hetty is stuck in the middle. Amazingly, she survives and crawls to safety.

The British have to retreat and Westphal is furious. Hetty is now a captive. The Lieutenant says he will kill her as well as her Master and burn everything. They return to Frisby’s plantation and threaten to hang Frisby. Hetty feels more empowered and stalls them. At the last minute the American militia arrives with guns blazing. The British run to their boats rather than fight.

Hetty is the one who saved the town but most of the men don’t recognize this and congratulate themselves. Years later, when she is 90, she is given the recognition for what she did.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Drama Time travel Writing Sample Plan.

The set-up. In this Time travel story, 12-year-old Hannah helps her Grandmother and Uncle Jim with a July 4^th 1777 re-enactment at City Tavern. In the middle of what she thought was his boring park ranger talk Hannah decided to prank her uncle, but found herself pranked by an antique mirror that morphed her reflection into that of a colonial girl. Hannah tries to pass this off as her active imagination. A little later Hannah continued with her “job” to show her grandmother’s treasured heirloom to tourists – the 18thcentury recipe book of their famous baking ancestor Mary Newport. Bored, Hannah invents a heart-shaped initials (HS) doodle. This sequence that leads up to the inciting incident, takes place just after a rambunctious kid knocks the recipe book to the ground and leaves. Hannah is alone in the big banquet room.

INT. LONGROOM CITY TAVERN – DAY

HANNAH, 12 y.o. in colonial costume, reaches to pick up the toppled antique recipe book. She spots a HS HEART SYMBOL in faded ink in the margin, an exact match for her doodle. She’s stunned.

HANNAH

What? I just..How did that get there?

She looks closer and sees a message in her own writing, BRING JUMBLES. COME BACK TO CT.

HANNAH

That’s my writing. Bring jumbles? Come back to CT? What’s that supposed to mean? I never wrote that. Weird.

A small gust riffles the pages and spooks her.

Hannah bolts out of the room. The recipe book lies abandoned on the stand. The HS symbol PULSES with light.

INT. MRS. BALDWIN’S HOUSE – DAY

SLAM as Hannah bursts into the house, kicks off her shoes, bounds up the stairs.

INT. HANNAH’S ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Hannah, freaked out, paces the room.

HANNAH

Bring Jumbles. Come back to CT? in my handwriting?

Sees her “100 best Daily Jumbles” book.

HANNAH

Bring word puzzles? Sounds like a ransom note from a word puzzle spy. Bring jumbles or you’ll never see your teddy bear again. Everything’s weird today.

Disgust crosses her face to see her vision board with flyers of doctored pictures of her winning a kids baking contest.

HANNAH

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker’s man.

Bake me a cake as fast as you can.

She rips down the contest flyers.

HANNAH

I’ll screw it up, mix it up, I’ll even drop the pan.

She flings her wadded up baking hopes into the trash.

HANNAH

I’m such a loser.

KNOCK at the door.

MRS. BALDWIN (O.S.)

Any bed pressers in there?

HANNAH

I’m not asleep.

MRS. BALDWIN (O.S.)

I’ve got cookies.

HANNAH

No thanks… I’m not hungry.

MRS. BALDWIN (O.S.)

They’re our special jumbles.

HANNAH

I’m really not hun — jumbles?

Hannah flings open the door, wild eyed. Mrs. Baldwin, in pants, holds a plate of cookies cut as stars.

HANNAH

Jumbles? These are jumbles?

MRS. BALDWIN

We’ve been baking these for the reenactment dinner

HANNAH

I thought they were sugar cookies.

Like a rare coin Hannah examines one.

MRS. BALDWIN

Older variety.

(laughs)

They are edible.

Hannah takes a bite.

MRS. BALDWIN

Remember? From Mary Newport’s recipe book?

Hannah has a terrible realization. She swallows hard.

MRS. BALDWIN

So did you bring back my recipe book or leave it with Uncle Jim?

HANNAH

I…I left it with Uncle Jim.

MRS. BALDWIN

Oh good. I’d be heartsick if anything ever happened to it.

Hannah chokes, doubles over.

MRS. BALDWIN

Oh no, are you okay? Too dry?

Mrs. Baldwin raps her on the back. The cookie shoots out.

HANNAH

No, they’re great. It was just…

MRS. BALDWIN

Honey bunny, I know you weren’t too wild about showing the recipe book. Thanks for being a good sport.

HANNAH

No… problem.

Hannah stuffs another cookie in her mouth.

MRS. BALDWIN

I need to go back to City Tavern to bring our jumbles. You want to come?

HANNAH

Bring jumbles? Bring jumbles? Come back to CT? CT is City Tavern?

MRS. BALDWIN

Well yes, that’s the idea since the dinner’s today.

HANNAH

(to herself)

Am I supposed to go?

MRS. BALDWIN

You don’t have to. But why don’t you come downstairs and help me finish.

Mrs. Baldwin leaves. Hannah hits herself.

HANNAH

Stupid. How could I leave her book? That message has got to be one of Uncle Jim’s pranks. I’m going to find out.

Resolved, Hannah heads downstairs.

INT. MRS. BALDWIN’S KITCHEN – DAY

Mrs. Baldwin is in full tilt baking mode. Ingredients and bowls cover every space as she orchestrates two recipes at once. Hannah bounds in ready to leave.

MRS. BALDWIN

You want to help me with this cake?

HANNAH

Cake? What about the jumbles?

MRS. BALDWIN

Just came out. Cooling.

HANNAH

I was thinking. You don’t have to go. I’ll bring jumbles. I mean I’ll take them over. Besides I need to…

Hannah stops short. Mrs. Baldwin gives Hannah a side-eye.

MRS. BALDWIN

Very thoughtful. But this isn’t just about the jumbles is it?

Hannah blushes, takes the carton of eggs handed her.

HANNAH

I didn’t mean to leave it.

MRS. BALDWIN

You can live a minute without it.

Hannah is shocked that she refers to her book so casually.

HANNAH

I guess so.

MRS. BALDWIN

Get crackin.

Hannah smashes an egg against the side of the bowl, scatters pieces and tries to fish them out.

MRS. BALDWIN

You need to get your phone? I don’t understand why you kids need to be on your phones all the time.

Hannah bites her lip to hide a smile. She’s off the hook.

MRS. BALDWIN

This queen cake is another olden days recipe from Mary Newport. You probably saw it while you were showing the book to the tourists.

HANNAH

Yeah.

(sputters)

I mean I’m not sure. Those old recipes are hard to read.

MRS. BALDWIN

I want to ask you something.

Hannah braces herself.

MRS. BALDWIN

Don’t you like to bake anymore?

Hannah can’t look at her grandma.

MRS. BALDWIN

I see you took down your baking contest flyers.

Hannah squeezes an egg in her hand. It explodes.

HANNAH

Sorry Sorry. Maybe I’m a few cherries short of a pie.

Both wipe up the gooey egg. Grandma embraces Hannah.

MRS. BALDWIN

Honey, it just takes practice. You’ve got to bake it till you make it.

HANNAH

What if I didn’t get the baking gene?

MRS. BALDWIN

We all started out green. Mary Newport, Lydia, Sarah, all the great grandmothers. Baking is in our blood.

Grandma expertly cracks two eggs at once,hands Hannah a whisk.

HANNAH

Beat all these?

MRS. BALDWIN

Old recipes call for lots of eggs to make it rise. No baking powder or baking soda in the olden days.

HANNAH

Really? Baking powder’s what I left out in the contest. The olden days were easier. Not so many ingredients.

Grandma wraps her strong hand around Hannah’s unsteady one and shows her how to whisk.

MRS. BALDWIN

(laughs)

I don’t know about easier. But you’ll learn. Slow down. Focus on each step. Just think about what you’re doing.

HANNAH

That’s the problem. I think about what if I scoop out the middle and put in a surprise filling? Then it’s ruined. I’m a disaster. The judges were right.

MRS. BALDWIN

You’re not a disaster. You’re creative.

HANNAH

I wish I lived back then.I could be a famous baker and invent something. Like Mary Newport and lemon meringue. Everything has already been invented.

MRS. BALDWIN

Ha. I doubt that. Cooks always find a way to bring their own touch.

(sings to Blondie song)

Bun way or another.

Both laugh. For a spatula as a microphone Grandma dances.

HANNAH

Grandma!

MRS. BALDWIN

(laughs, sings)

I’m gonna getcha I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.

Mrs. Baldwin twirls around Hannah in invitation, over to a handmade clay pot on the counter labeled RECIPES FOR SUCCESS.

MRS. BALDWIN

Here. Pick one. I picked “A recipe has no soul.

MRS. BALDWIN

You as the cook must bring soul to the recipe.” Love it.

Hannah picks an affirmation.

HANNAH

“Never doubt that you can change history. You already have.” Yeah, right. I doubt my cupcakes can change history.

MRS. BALDWIN

Funny. I don’t remember putting that one in.

Grandma squints at the fortune.

INT. MRS. BALDWIN’S KITCHEN – DAY

Grandma ties cloth SATCHELS of jumbles, Hannah puts on her colonial style shoes, takes the jumbles and leaves.

EXT. WELCOME PARK – DAY

As Hannah crosses the park, a time line of Philadelphia history on the back wall shimmers, ripples and waves.

EXT. CITY TAVERN FRONT STEPS – DAY

Hannah hurries up the steps, stops,reaches out and melds through a pulsing, shimmery FORCE FIELD…the front door.

INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

Hannah blinks in the dim light, unaware that she has stepped back into the 18th century City Tavern.

COLONIAL MEN ARGUE LOUDLY through a cloud of pipe smoke. Hannah coughs, can’t pass.

LYDIA NEWPORT, age 12,in finely tailored Quaker attire with a dark-haired resemblance to Hannah, approaches from behind. She carries two neatly tied homespun SATCHELS of Jumbles.

Portly MR. WINSTON,lifts his hand for quiet,unrolls a scroll and clears his throat. The noise subsides.

MR. WINSTON

Whereas, by a declaration of the Hon. Congress on the fourth day of July last, the Thirteen United States of America were from that day declared to be free and Independent.

Some of the men rouse with “HEAR. HEAR!”

MR. WINSTON

We shall commemorate the anniversary tomorrow with illuminations and other marks of joy.

Most men CHEER! Hannah CLAPS.

SITTING MAN

Hurrah for that! Whoever does business tomorrow is surely a Tory!

Lydia leans towards Hannah from behind.

LYDIA

Things were better before all this commotion.

HANNAH

Yeah.How did they change everything around so fast? It’s like one of those makeover shows.

Hannah turns to see Lydia for the first time. She’s the girl who appeared in the mirror. Hannah GASPS, steps back and trips,drops her bundles and steps on one. Lydia reaches out. They feel a connecting JOLT. Their eyes lock in curious recognition. Hannah pulls away, mesmerized.

HANNAH

Whoa. Your face. You’re real. That mirror must have been a joke screen. Were you here before?

LYDIA

I’m often here, but most aren’t as alarmed by my countenance.

HANNAH

Sorry. I thought you were a ghost. You’re not. Obviously. That would be creepy. I’m pretty good at remembering faces. It feels like I should know you. Weird.

LYDIA

Weird? Like the weird sisters of MacBeth?

HANNAH

Weird sisters? No, I wasn’t trying to say you look like my sister. Oh, is that a group?

LYDIA

The weirds…fates, prophets. From Shakespeare.

SHOUTS from the arguing men.

HANNAH

Never saw that one. Oh wait. Shakespeare. Right. Olden times. You’re really good at this reenactment stuff. I like your costume too. Mine’s too tight…I’m looking for my Uncle Jim.

LYDIA

I am not acquainted.

HANNAH

He’s one of the rangers.

LYDIA

Rebel or Kings’ army?

HANNAH

National Park. Oh. Good one.

Lydia frowns. The room quiets. Hannah picks up her bundles.

MR. WINSTON

We do recommend to patriots to show forbearance toward those Quakers

(looks at Quaker Man)

may not for the present join with us in those expressions of joy.

QUAKER MAN

Hear! Hear!

HANNAH

These guys are really into their parts. You must have done this a lot. This is the first year they’re letting me do anything. I’m winging it.

Hannah examines her bundles of jumbles.

HANNAH

(to self)

Broken. Just my luck.

LYDIA

All deliveries go to Mr. Turner. I’m bringing some jumbles.

Lydia motions to Hannah to follow her upstairs.

HANNAH

Bring Jumbles? That’s so random. Me too. I guess with so many tourists.

Lydia gives Hannah a puzzled look as they climb the stairs.

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Lydia and Hannah enter. The stand and Mary Newport’s recipe book are gone. The long tables are set differently. The two eagle mirrors are new.

Hannah lags behind and searches the area where the recipe book was. Nothing.

HANNAH

Oh no! It’s gone!

LYDIA

Something wrong?

HANNAH

Yeah. An old book. I was supposed to take care of it. I gotta find it. My grandma will disown me.

(looks under a table)

Maybe uncle Jim has it.

As Hannah walks by the previously fogged eagle mirror, she feels behind it. No gum. The mirror is new and clearly shows her reflection and that of Lydia behind her with the same curious regard she saw earlier.

HANNAH

Awkkk!

LYDIA

Thou dost startle. Is my face so ghostly?

HANNAH

Ghostly…no, sorry. I must be going crazy.

LYDIA

Hmm? Perhaps deliver the bundles before going?

Hannah stares blankly then manages an awkward smile. Lydia turns and walks into the kitchen. Hannah follows.

[Mary Spiers]

Subject line: Mary’s Synopsis for Producer Interview

This is currently written as a short story based on actual events. On this one I’m acting as a producer who is thinking I could make this a movie, but want to flesh it out to see if it’s doable.

Title: Her Own Path
Genre: Drama/ Historical
Logline: Concept: A quick-thinking enslaved woman tricks the British forces during the war of 1812 by leading them away from the town they want to burn.

Synopsis: Hetty Boulden, an 18 year old enslaved woman on a small plantation in the Cheseapeake MD area, who finds herself in the midst of the war of 1812. Her master, Mr. Frisby and their neighbors around the Elk River are on high alert as roving British ships threaten to attack, steal supplies from locals and burn towns. The local militia has constructed makeshift forts up and down the river. This is not Hetty’s war. But the anxiety of everyone around her, including the 4 other slaves, is palpable. On the spring day when the British do sail up to burn and pillage the towns, the people think they’re ready, but Hetty is skeptical. They have hidden their boats and pulled a chain blockade across the river just above the Frisby plantation. However, the British first land in the town downriver and burn the contents of Frisby’s store houses. The militia can’t hold them and flee, running through the Frisby plantation.

The British Lieutenant Westphal and his troops sail up and land at the Frisby plantation. Because the river is blocked they demand that someone act as scout to lead them overland up to the next town, Elkton, so they can pillage and burn. Master Frisby refuses and the Lieutenant asks Hetty to lead them. She is now in an impossible position. If she agrees, she may be freed, but also be blamed by the townspeople as the one who betrayed them. If she refuses, she fears she may be killed on the spot by the British or they may make one of the pregnant slaves go. The British threaten Master Frisby and Hetty is “selected” to lead.

As they start out, Hetty acting as scout for over 200 British men, an idea comes to her. Instead of the direct route, she leads them along the long swampy path towards what she hopes are the hiding militia. Through some trials she does lead the British into an ambush. In the heat of the ambush, Hetty is stuck in the middle, but survives. The British have to retreat. They threaten to kill her as well as her Master and burn everything. They return to Frisby’s plantation and threaten to hang Frisby. At the last minute the American militia come back and attack. The British leave by boat. Hetty is the one who saved the town but most of the men don’t recognize this and congratulate themselves. Years later, when she is 90, she is given the recognition for what she did.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Producer Interview Experience

What I learned doing this assignment – This role play was a very valuable practice. It gives me an idea of what this would be like, but I imagine many producers may not have a clear idea of their vision in the same way that writers may have given they are thinking along the lines of the questions we were provided. With practice, I can see how we as writers would also be able to help clarify and shape a vision.

In my experience as a producer, I really enjoyed working with Cam. He asked very good questions from a variety of angles to help me flesh out my vision. By reflecting back and rewording things from his perspective many aspects of my vision became more clear. He also showed his knowledge and credibility as a writer in the way he framed aspects like character arcs and when we talked about some action aspects of my story. He brought up a movie that has more contained action and made a suggestion that it’s style could be used in my smaller budget movie. By the end of our discussion I could tell he had a good handle on my direction. His notes also confirmed that he was able to capture my vision.

In my experience as a writer talking with a producer I found that the supplied questions were very helpful to begin the focus process. While Cam had worked with his idea and the futuristic science fiction world for some time, I found that in approaching this work for the first time, in addition to the dramatic, thematic and character related questions, I needed to get a handle on the “rules” of a different world in order to understand the characters actions and arcs. So a number of my questions also involved getting Cam’s vision of this future world. So I feel that if this would have been a discussion with a producer I might have needed another session before I felt I had a good handle on the vision. The exercise raised some questions for me regarding how much focus I would put on getting a handle on a science fiction world vs. the direct dramatic questions when talking with a producer.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment: This assignment helped me to clarify and to more clearly state what this movie is about – for producers and the audience, rather than just myself. It also made me think more about my two lead characters and how enticing the parts would be. I will go back and look more at the character of Lydia and how she is a counterpoint to Hannah. I also could use a more compelling ending, which ties things up for the audience.

1. Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

Genre – Drama, Historical Fiction/Time travel

Title – A Jumble of Time

Concept – A 12 year old’s wish to be a history making baker like her famous foremother sends her back to 1777 where her attempts to foil a plot to end the American Revolution endangers her ancestor’s life. She must bake for her life to keep the timeline of history intact.

I added the last sentence to show more of the payoff. I’m wondering if it is helpful or can be dropped.

Audience – the audience is girls from 7-14

Budget – 20-30 million? Because of the historical aspects.

Lead Characters –Hannah and Lydia

•Hannah –a 12-year-old screw-up baker and mischievous prankster longs to be a famous baker like her foremothers. She is transported to Philadelphia 1777, where she is a fish out of water among her pastry making Quaker ancestors.

•Lydia is an 18^th century Quaker girl, a many times great-grandmother to Hannah who is suspicious of Hannah’s appearance and actions . The family is pacifist and totally opposed to the war of the American Revolution.

Journey / Character Arc

•Hannah is a defeated baker and wishes to be famous like her ancestor.

•She discovers a message in her foremother’s recipe book that sends her back in time to Revolutionary Philadelphia among her Quaker ancestors.

•Hannah and her young ancestor Lydia discover a plot to kidnap the Rev. War leaders during the 1^st 4^thof July celebration at Philadelphia’ City Tavern where they will be serving pastries.

•Hannah realizes she is the only one who knows the American Rebels have to win for America to be independent. She won’t get much help from Lydia and her Quaker ancestors who are against the war.

Middle: Hannah tries different strategies to discover the plotters and foil the kidnapping plan. She screws things up by accusing the wrong people, alienating Lydia and being double-crossed by the real culprits. Lydia is in danger after she eats drugged cakes meant for the kidnapping victims. Hannah now has to bake for her life to foil the kidnapping plot and save the timeline of history and keep her ancestor, Lydia from dying.

End: Hannah saves her ancestor and the timeline of history by using her baking skills. History could record that she invented cupcakes, but when she returns to the future, who would believe it?

Opening / Ending<div>

I feel I have a more compelling opening than ending so I need to work on the ending.

Opening: While participating in an 18^{th century} reenactment, prankster Hannah is pranked by a paranormal mirror that shows her glimpses of her actual 18^th century Quaker ancestor Lydia. She is spooked.

Ending: Hannah returns to the future, to the same reenactment she left . After her time travel adventure this time she wishes the mirror would morph again to show her Lydia. She now has confidence in her own baking abilities. (need to work on how I can show this better)
</div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Specialty — Drama

What I learned from analyzing Titanic. I hadn’t seen this movie in over 20 years. It stands the test of time through these powerful conventions of dramatic story telling. It’s a classic tragic ending in some ways but also a hopeful ending with the other thread… seeing the long life that Rose had and how she gets some closure. It was very helpful to consider and find examples of how these dramatic conventions were met in the context of the subgenre of an historical drama. Now I will go back and study the script.

1. Drama, subspecialty Historical

2. 1^st movie -Titanic (1997) One of the highest grossing movies ever.

3. As you watch each movie, take notes on how that movie fulfills the key parts of your genre.

4. For each movie, tell us the following:

Genre: DramaTitle: TitanicHow it delivered on the genre conventions, and examples from the movie…Character Driven Journey: It follows the love story of two characters Rose and JackHigh Stakes Come from within: The stakes of love, and what the characters are willing to do for love, come from within. Rose is willing to risk a fortune when she falls for Jack, a poor man. Then, when it’s evident the Titanic is sinking, they each risk their lives for the other.Emotionally Resonates: Titanic resonates emotionally with audiences in a powerful way. One, because the history of the Titanic is something that still fascinates people – the arrogance of thinking a ship is unsinkable, not having enough lifeboats, etc in relation to the tragedy. We also see this tragedy still fascinates people through the journey of the present day treasure hunters. Another way it resonates is through the love story of Jack and Rose. A further way it resonates is the thread of Rose’s life and the diamond necklace and what it means to the treasure hunters vs. Rose. When she throws the necklace into the ocean, this is a powerful statement of her lifelong love of Jack. At 101 she has not forgotten him.Challenging, emotionally charged situations: Rose and Jack are challenged to their core because this is a life or death situation which continues to escalate in terms of the stakes. Who is getting in the lifeboats? Rose going back, risking her life to get Jack out of handcuffs. Rose won’t leave Jack, she gets off the boat. Jack does everything he can to keep he and Rose on the boat as long as possible. They express their eternal love for each other before Jack dies as he stays in the water next to Rose.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Projects and insights

2 projects for class

Project 1: A jumble of Time is a completed historical drama in which a young baker is transported back to 1777 Philadelphia, where her attempts to foil a British plot to end the American Revolution jeopardizes the life of her ancestor. The estimated budget is between 15-40 million.

Project 2: Never a Slave is a completed historical drama based on actual events. In 1825 a free black teenage boy from Philadelphia, is kidnapped by a gang of slave traders and will do whatever it takes to escape. The estimated budget is between 15-40 million.

From the opening teleconference, the most helpful thing for me was learning the “how” of strategy. The strategy of building credibility and realizing that I already have some credibility as a screenwriter. I’ve won a screenwriting competition and I am a subject matter expert in clinical psychology and neuropsychology. The “how” of networking and where to start was also very useful. The questions people asked helped me a lot, mostly in learning what to look for in a producer as I had some pre-conceived notions about how film making teams work and what I might need to do to start out. I’ll go in much more educated about my role, about writing credits, and about professionalism.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi, my name is Mary Spiers. I’ve taken a number of ScreenwritingU classes. I’ve written 2 scripts, one of which won a contest. I live just outside of Philadelphia, but am originally from Omaha. I see someone else in this class is also from Omaha. YAY. I’m also a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist and have taught “Movies and Mental Illness.

I’d like to move into finding paid writing assignments. I love working in a team with others and look forward to getting to know everyone.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Spiers

I agree to the terms of this release form.As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Budget

I learned this is very helpful to think about as I’m going through. I am making this very small now, but see how I could also increase the budget to give it a little more entertainment value.

To lower budget:

MAIN VARIABLES

Number of Locations change office, road, Ashley’s property outside, inside to just Ashley’s propertyExpensive locations – noneNumber of characters (2-3)Special effects noneNumber of pages – DKCrowd scenes – noStunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenesSpecial sets

SECONDARY VARIABLES

Rights to music, brands, books, etc.Explosions and Firearm – yes- gunKids — shorter work days, tutor on the setAnimals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane SocietyWeather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados. Maybe – could take this out.Water and underwater scenesNight scenes – maybeHelicopters, aircraft, drone shotsGreen screen workExtensive Make-upArchival FootageAnything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance.

To increase budget, add back what I took out and add weather, maybe helicopters or chase scene and add animals to the farm. Add more actors.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s outline

What I learned do this assignment was the different passes were very helpful to keep refining this. Now I, or anyone else can get the general idea and continue to brainstorm to see what else can be done. Having this structure, and having it quickly, is very helpful. Note: I stopped putting in where the scene is because it will either be inside Ashley’s house or outside in this contained screenplay.

Title: Sniff

Genre: buddy drama (comedic elements)

A high-profile perfumer loses her superpowered smell ability and fakes her disappearance, taking refuge with a prepper in the country while she tries to regain her sense of smell.

Act 1:

EXT. ROAD – EVENING

OPENING:

High-profile Rachel is on the phone in her luxury broken down car near Ashley’s property.

Layer: Rachel, panicked, tells her confidant at the perfume company to cover for her because she says she has lost her sense of smell and needs time to recuperate. Hidden relationships and conspiracies

CJ: Ashley comes out with a gun but she recognizes Rachel from TV

CJ: Rachel overcompensates that everything is ok. Help will be on the way, but no one can fix the car.

CJ: Ashley offers to let Rachel stay for the night.

INT. ASHLEY’s HOUSE:

CJ: Rachel City girl Rachel realizes Ashley lives off grid. What is she getting into. She is polite but wants out of there ASAP.

CJ: Ashley is wary of outsiders but recognizes Rachel from TV. She’s got her on a pedestal.

CJ: Rachel discovers Ashley distills essential oils that could be used in the perfume industry. Ashley recognizes Rachel from TV and says how much she admires her super smell detection ability. Rachel shows off in front of an Ashley.

CJ: Ashley sees a rare kindred spirit in Rachel. Ashley hints at lonliness. Ashley also shows some of her knowledge

CJ: Rachel sees a challenge to her claims of a super smell ability and doubles down on dazzling Ashley with science.

Layer: Rachel acts as if she trusts people, but does not, in fact she manipulates people. As the story progresses we discover Rachel operates from a façade and is trying to cover for this.

INT. ASHLEY’s HOUSE -DAY

Rachel asks to call for car assistance. Loss of resources: Rachel realizes she has no cash (garage takes cash only), her phone is so low she has to turn it off and her car needs major engine repairs.

Ashley is sympathetic when Rachel tells her she’s lost her sense of smell through Covid.

Layer: Rachel pretends she’s got skills she does not. This is revealed when we see her smell something and get it wrong. She said she is a “nose” and had covid…but neither are true.

EXT. ASHLEY’s HOUSE -DAY:

A major incident knocks out the power grid. Ashley has her own power. Ashley says there’s nothing around and insists Rachel stay with her while they figure things out. She also says she has a method to help her recover her sense of smell. Rachel is trapped.

Act 2:

INT. ASHLEY’S HOUSE – Day

High society Rachel is a fish out of water in an off-the-grid lifestyle. She sneaks Ashley’s satellite phone and tries to contact her confidant from work to get her out of there. She gets through but is cut off. Ashley discovers her and takes phone away….only for emergencies.

Ashley and Rachel discuss their methods of blending in a general way.

CJ Rachel dismisses Ashley’s intuitive methods of blending essential oils Rachel says all the science is a trade secret. Ashley is more revealing in an attempt to impress Rachel.

CJ: Ashley was rejected by the popular crowd and wants to fit in and be recognized.

Rachel secretly smells as many scent blends as possible but can’t figure them out. Rachel actually has her sense of smell but doesn’t let Ashley know.

LAYER: Rachel acts as if she trusts people, but does not, in fact she manipulates people. As the story progresses we discover Rachel operates from a façade and is trying to cover for this.

CJ: Rachel becomes secretly intrigued by Ashley’s knowledge of plants and distilling. She secretly smells some blends. They’re wonderful. She’s got to learn more.

Rachel tries to impress Ashley with science while Ashley says she blends intuitively and doesn’t write down her recipes.

CJ: Ashley shares her intuitive model of blending scent – turning point for her in trust.

LAYER: Rachel will try to steal Ashley’s perfuming secrets

LAYER: Ashley seems to just be interested in essential oils and holistic healing for its own sake and to make money in the business.

Reveal that Ashley turned to this after traditional medicine failed her family. Beneath that is her desire to heal her family member (sister?)

Ashley is a great cook and makes a wonderful meal for them. But she is self-depreciating and makes cracks about country food vs. city food.

Rachel can taste the food and Ashley calls her on it – she does seem to have a sense of smell to enjoy the food.

CJ Rachel pretends she’s got skills she does not. Revealed when she smells something and get it wrong. She said she is a “nose” and had covid…but neither are true. She has to cover saying maybe her sense of smell is returning.

Rachel redirects and asks Ashley to show her some of her distilling/blending techniques and to let her smell some things to test her recovering sense of smell. Ashley does have Rachel smell some different scents. She is confused and a little suspicious about her inconsistency.

Rachel covers and again makes something up about her olfactory system.

Ashley shows Rachel her secret store of one of the most expensive and sought after essential oils for the perfume business.

Mind games: Ashley tricks Rachel with the scent game…Rachel’s smell acuity is very inconsistent.

Hope: Rachel recovers her balance and tries to butter up Ashley regarding her knowledge and makes a suggestion that Rachel could help her if she shares more.

Rachel realizes stealing perfumery secrets through the methods she has used in the past is not working. Act 2 TP/Midpoint: Rachel realizes Ashley is intuitive and smart. Rachel needs to change her methods

CJ: Midpoint: Ashley believes Rachel will catapult her into fame

Act 3:

•Rachel decides to work with Ashley to learn her methods.

•Rachel learns natural blending methods as her sense of smell “recovers”.

•Ashley is injured and Rachel has to take over some of the critical aspects of off-grid living and blending perfumes.

Hope: Rachel learns quickly and gains more admiration and trust of Ashley

CJ: Ashley reveals she wanted to be a medical doctor, but when traditional medicine failed and her sister died, she turned to holistic medicine.

CJ Rachel (midpoint)may have found an answer to her job woes.. Ashley’s “natural health scent” secrets. She realizes how lucrative these would be and wants to get them. But Rachel’s work world closes in as she finds out rival perfumers are after her.

Rachel and Ashley hear there are people after Rachel.

Rachel makes up a story for Ashley, plus she is in the middle of nowhere, her pursuers won’t find her hideaway

Rachel discovers they’ve found where she is through her phone and they’re closing in

She gives Ashley a story. Ashley will help protect her…has a gun

Rachel CJ: Dilemma: Does Rachel actually steal Ashley’s work?

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ashley discovers Rachel is a fraud as a “nose” and as a business partner. Rachel was all about stealing her secrets. She doesn’t say anything to Rachel yet.

Rachel: Hidden Character history: Rachel doesn’t trust women. She grew up with a grandmother who was very harsh. This is revealed when Ashley confronts her.

Ashley CJ: Dilemma: Ashley must decide whether to turn Rachel in, give her up. She vacillates between her own needs – to help someone who is broken to get her appreciation (fighting off lonliness) vs. her anger at being duped by a superficial city person.

Rachel thinks at least she has her job: after all everyone does reverse engineering of perfume. She rationalizes it’s not the same as outright stealing written formulas.

Loss of resources: Rachel hears she has been stripped of her high profile life.

Rachel CJ: Turning Point 2: all is lost: Rachel’s intent to steal Ashley’s work is discovered and Ashley tells her she knows. Rachel tries to lie but it doesn’t work. The other perfumers are out for revenge for what Rachel has stolen.

Act 4:

Final plan: Rachel has no way out except to admit the truth about herself to Ashley. She’s a fraud. She was going to steal.

CJ Rachel: Climax: The perfumers close in on Rachel.

CJ Rachel admits she’s been a fraud to Ashley. She never had a super sense of smell and has stolen perfume recipes. She said she was a “nose” and had covid…but neither are true.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Rachel starts to tell the truth but now Ashley doesn’t believe her. Rachel has to prove she is genuine

Hope: Rachel tries to negotiate with AshleyRejection: Ashley is livid that she’s been taken advantage of Ashley CJ: Ashley decides not to expose Rachel and does protect Rachel as bad guys close in.

Rachel CJ Resolution/ENDING: Rachel decides to leave the high-powered perfume business and start a new more authentic life for herself.

To be solved:

1. What happens between when Ashley is so angry that Rachel has betrayed her to when she decides to protect her. (what is their bond?)

2. Who exactly are the bad guys and how do they threaten Rachel?

3. Subplot needs to be developed about the Prepper world of Ashley.

4. Who is Ashley trying to heal in her family. What is the relationship?

5. What are the methods Rachel has used in the past to steal perfume formulas?

6. Does Rachel both lose her job and have people after her or just one of these scenarios?

7. Did Rachel ever really have a super smell ability? – no – she used technology.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Writes Great Hope/Fear

I learned that hopes and fears really add to the story line. However I listened to Hal’s audio after I did this. I think I will go back and make another “creative pass” and see how I can make this more engaging.

Act 1:

Opening/Inciting: When Rachel’s car breaks down after getting away from pursuers, Ashley is the only one around to help<div>

Alone and Panic: Rachel’s car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. She’s on the phone to someone and phone charge is low. She’s nearly panicked about what to do.

Hope: Ashley shows up and offers to help.

Afraid: They can’t fix the car and Rachel is nervous about leaving it in plain sight.

Hope: Rachel is relieved when Ashley offers to tow it to her place and let Rachel stay for the night.

Incompatible Environment and threat: City girl Rachel realizes Ashley lives off grid and sees Ashley’s gun. She is worried about what she’s getting into.

Rachel discovers Ashley blends natural scents and is intrigued. Ashley recognizes her hero Rachel from TV.

Hope: Rachel discovers Ashley distills essential oils that could be used in the perfume industry. Ashley recognizes Rachel from TV and says how much she admires her super smell detection ability.

Anxiety: Rachel sees a challenge to her claims of a super smell ability

Turning Point: Rachel is desperate for a place to stay and tells Ashley she’s lost her sense of smell through Covid. She hints she needs a place to stay until she recovers. Ashley is happy to oblige.

Hope: Rachel is ready to call for car assistance

Loss of resources: Rachel realizes she had no cash (garage takes cash only), her phone is so low she has to turn it off and her car needs major engine repairs.

Hope: Ashley is sympathetic when Rachel tells her she’s lost her sense of smell through Covid. Trapped: A major incident knocks out the power grid. Ashley has her own power. Ashley says there’s nothing around and insists Rachel stay with her while they figure things out. She also says she has a method to help her recover her sense of smell.

Act 2:

Reaction: High society Rachel is a fish out of water in an off-the-grid lifestyleNew plan: Rachel will try to contact her confidant from work to get her out of there.</div><div>

Hope: Rachel will call or text her confidant to get her out of there.

Lost resource: Cell service isn’t working.

First plans in action: Rachel tries to steal Ashley’s perfuming secrets

Hope: Rachel is intrigued by Ashley’s knowledge of plants and distilling. She secretly smells some blends. They’re wonderful. She’s going to learn more.

Trigger/ opposing approaches: Rachel tries to impress Ashley with science while Ashley says she blends intuitively. Doesn’t write down her recipes.

Hope: Ashley makes a wonderful meal for them.

Danger of being found out: Rachel can taste the food and Ashley calls her on it – she does seem to have a sense of smell to enjoy the food.

Hope: Rachel redirects and asks Ashley to show her some of her distilling/blending techniques and to let her smell some things to test her recovering sense of smell. Ashley does have Rachel smell some different scents.

Mind games: Ashley tricks Rachel with the scent game…Rachel’s smell acuity is very inconsistent.

Hope: Rachel recovers her balance and tries to butter up Ashley regarding her knowledge and makes a suggestion that Rachel could help her if she shares more.

Midpoint Turning Point: stealing perfumery secrets through the methods she has used in the past is not working.Act 2 TP/Midpoint: Rachel realizes Ashley is intuitive and smart. The methods Rachel is using to steal her perfume secrets are not working.

Act 3:

Rethink everything-after stealing by her usual means doesn’t work, Rachel decides to work with Ashley to learn her methods.</div><div>

New plan: Rachel learns natural blending methods as her sense of smell “recovers”.

Danger of not livable: Ashley is injured and Rachel has to take over some of the critical aspects of off-grid living and blending perfumes.

Hope: Rachel learns quickly and gains admiration of AshleyThe people who are out to expose Rachel as a thief close in

Hope: Rachel is in the middle of nowhere, her pursuers won’t find her hideaway

Fear: She discovers they’ve found where she is through her phone and they’re closing in

Hope: Ashley will help protect her…has a gun

More going wrong: Rachel tests positive for Covid and actually loses her sense of smell.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ashley discovers Rachel is a fraud as a “nose” and as a business partner. Rachel was all about stealing her secrets.

Hope: Ashley tries to protect RachelF

ound out: Ashley and the whole world finds out Rachel is a perfume thief.

Hope: Rachel thinks at least she has her job: after all everyone does reverse engineering of perfume.

Loss of resources: Rachel hears she has lost her job and high profile life.

Act 4:

Final plan: Rachel has no way out except to admit the truth about herselfHope: Rachel tries to cover up as bad guys close in.</div>

Worst fear: Rachel has to admit she’s a fraud. She never had a super sense of smell and has stolen perfume recipes.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Rachel starts to tell the truth but now Ashley doesn’t believe her. Rachel has to prove she is genuine

Hope: Rachel tries to negotiate with Ashley

Rejection: Ashley is livid that she’s been taken advantage of and she plans to kick Rachel out.

Hope: Ashley does protect Rachel as bad guys close in.

Resolution: Rachel decides to leave her high profile job and start a new more authentic life for herself.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s 4 Act Structure

I learned that working with the main conflict is very helpful. I didn’t have a strong main conflict between my 2 main characters before this lesson. Using the 4-act (over less defined 3-act) structure is also very helpful. Thanks for the permission to put things down quickly as a first draft. I’m seeing how things are changing as I go along and I’m not struggling as much with perfectionism.

Concept: A high-profile perfumer loses her superpowered smell ability and fakes her disappearance, taking refuge with a prepper in the country while she tries to regain her sense of smell.

Main Conflict: Rachel (perfumer) wants to hide her true self/identity while Ashley (prepper) is intent on finding the truth behind Rachel’s super smell ability.

Act 1:

Opening: When Rachel’s car breaks down after getting away from pursuers, Ashley is the only one around to help

Inciting Incident: Rachel discovers Ashley blends natural scents and is intrigued. Ashley recognizes her hero Rachel from TV.

Turning Point: Rachel is desperate for a place to stay and tells Ashley she’s lost her sense of smell through Covid. She hints she needs a place to stay until she recovers. Ashley is happy to oblige.

Act 2:

Reaction: High society Rachel is a fish out of water in an off-the-grid lifestyle

First plans in action: Rachel tries to steal some of Ashley’s secrets using what she knows of science/ her nose abilities – by trying to manipulate Ashley – fails- Ashley sees through

Midpoint Turning Point: stealing perfumery secrets through the methods she has used in the past is not working

Act 3:

Rethink everything-after stealing by her usual means doesn’t work, Rachel decides to work with Ashley to learn her methods.

New plan: Rachel learns natural blending methods as her sense of smell recovers.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ashley discovers Rachel is a fraud as a “nose” and as a business partner. Rachel was all about stealing her secrets.

Act 4:

Final plan: Rachel has no way out except to admit the truth about herself

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Rachel starts to tell the truth but now Ashley doesn’t believe her. Rachel has to prove she is genuine

Resolution: Rachel decides to leave her high profile job and start a new more authentic life for herself.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Delivering Multiple Layers!

In this assignment, the brainstorming is helping me to see what is behind each character that makes each one more fully developed. Besides brainstorming on a general level this also forced me to think about where the best reveals might be. The timing of the reveals will likely change, but this is very helpful.

1. Brainstorm potential plot layers.

Major scheme revealed- Rachel’s lying low/ fraud scheme is revealed when Ashley discovers she is planning to steal her secrets. Mystery revealed- who is Rachel always texting and talking with on the phone?Ashley becomes suspicious as little by little, things don’t “add up” with Rachel. She secretly sees Rachel’s texts about faking it.Hidden plan- Rachel plans to steal Ashley’s scent blending/perfume secrets – this is revealed to the audience before Ashley finds out – we discover who she is texting with on the phone.

2. Potential character layers.

Rachel

Secret identity: She’s pretending she’s got skills she does not. This is revealed when we see her smell something and get it wrong. She said she is a “nose” and had covid…but neither are true.<div>

Intrigue layers: She acts as if she trusts people, but does not, in fact she manipulates people. As the story progresses we discover Rachel operates from a façade and is trying to cover for this.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies- Rachel has conspired with someone (co-worker?, someone from another company? To sell trade secrets. This is revealed throught her texts- they become more obvious.

Hidden Character history: Rachel doesn’t trust women. She grew up with a grandmother who was very harsh. This is revealed when Ashley confronts her.

Ashley

Intrigue layers. Ashley seems to just be interested in essential oils and holistic healing for its own sake and to make money in the business. Then it’s revealed that she turned to this after traditional medicine failed her family. Beneath that is her desire to heal her family member (sister?)Hidden relationships and conspiracies- Ashley doesn’t tell Rachel about her partnership with xxx (mother, friend, weird business partner)Hidden <div>

Character history- Ashley wanted to be a medical doctor, but when traditional medicine failed and her sister died, she turned to holistic medicine. This is revealed closer to the end.Hidden Character history – Ashley was rejected by the popular crowd and wants to fit in and be recognized.

3. Brainstorm potential location layers.

Hidden operation- Ashley has a secret store of one of the most essential and sought after essential oils for the perfume business. This is revealed in the 2^nd act.

Unique sub-world: Ashley operates in the world of preppers and survivalists. This is revealed when some show up to barter.

</div></div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment – Doing a general arc with my 2 main characters. My main character was fairly easy and at first I didn’t have much of an arc with my 2^nd character. She just reacted to the first character. Now I see how much richer this will be with a true arc for Ashley too. A good beginning. I’ll expand on it and flesh it out more.

3 act Journey for Rachel

What role does this character play in the concept? Rachel is the high-profile perfumer with superpowered smell who takes refuge with Ashley

Rachel’s arc goes from faking and lying to admitting she’s been a fraud.

Beginning: Rachel is on the phone in her apparently broken down car near Ashley’s property telling her confidant at the perfume company to cover for her because she says she has lost her sense of smell and needs time to recuperate. Ashley comes out with a gun but she recognizes high profile Rachel and takes her in.

Turning Point: Rachel dismisses Ashley’s intuitive methods of blending essential oils, She has her sense of smell back but doesn’t let Ashley know. She secretly smells as many scents as possible.

Midpoint: Rachel may have found an answer to her job woes.. Ashley’s “natural health scent” secrets. She realizes how lucrative these would be and vows to get them. But Rachel’s work world closes in as she finds out rival perfumers are after her.

Turning Point 2: all is lost: Rachel’s intent to steal Ashley’s work is discovered and Ashley is going to expose her or kick her out. The other perfumers are out for revenge for what Rachel has stolen.

Dilemma: Does Rachel actually steal Ashley’s work or will their friendship prevail?

3rd Act Climax: The perfumers close in on Rachel and Ashley comes to her rescue. Rachel admits she’s been a fraud.

Ending: Rachel’s leaves the high-powered perfume business for a new start

3 act Journey for Ashley

What role does this character play in the concept? Ashley exposes Rachel’s dishonesty and also learns to forgive.

Beginning: Ashley is wary of outsiders but recognizes Rachel. She’s got her on a pedestal.

Turning Point: Ashley shares her intuitive model of blending scent

Midpoint: Ashley believes Rachel will catapult her into fame

Turning Point 2: Ashley discovers Rachel is a fraud.

Dilemma: Ashley must decide whether to turn Rachel in, give her up.

3rd Act Climax: Ashley decides not to expose Rachel, but is very disappointed

Ending: Ashley finally forgives Rachel

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment…It’s very helpful to flesh out the characters at the beginning. I can see how this will help my writing of scenes and escalate the conflict as the story goes along.

1. With each of your characters, go through all of these questions to see which might fit for your story.

Rachel

Internal Character Depth

Motivation: Want: to be successful in the way her mother wasn’t Need: to trust people<div>

Secret: She steals perfume secrets/ she fakes a lot.

Wound: she doesn’t trust women because her grandmother who raised her was harsh

Subtext: she is hiding her own feelings of inadequacy and duplicity. She may overcompensate, control, avoid, project by not trusting others.

Layers: As the movie progresses we discover Rachel operates from a façade and is trying to cover for this.

Ashley:

Internal Character Depth

Motivation: Want: to find safety and comfort/ control in a country life</div><div>

Need: to be appreciated/loved by someone she cares about.

Secret: she wants a friend, someone who accepts her.

Wound: was rejected by the “popular” crowd, never felt she fit in.

Subtext: being sarcastic, blunt and foul-mouthed keeps people at a distanceAlso, she is suspicious of “superficial city people”.

Layers: She starts by being glad someone is there, then sarcastic, etc, as a way to push away. Finally admits her lonliness.

Character to character

Conflict: The conflicts that will emerge:</div>

Trust and suspicion as more comes out that Rachel is hiding things

Being “real”

Control over who is right about science vs. intuition re the way to heal Rachel’s problem.

Higher education vs. common sense.

City vs. country life

Hidden Agenda: While hiding out Rachel looks for an angle to profit from “natural products” that Ashley makes.

Conspiracy: Rachel has someone who is covering for her at work.

Intrigue: Since Rachel has stolen secrets from others, some in the corporate world are out to get her.

[Mary Spiers]

Assignment

Mary’s Right Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is…this helped me to flesh out more traits and some layers of my characters. It also helps me brainstorm the situations/conflicts they would get in by themselves and with each other.

What makes these characters the right ones for the story? I’m giving a general idea of the hook/concept and am thinking of this as a Comedy. The characters are, in many ways opposite of each other.

Working Hook/concept

A high-profile perfumer loses her super-powered smell ability and fakes her disappearance, as she tries to regain her sense of smell.

Protag: As a perfumer/scientist she has an amazing vocabulary for scent and chemistry

Famous, high-powered, uptight city person

Has gotten by on her looks and social graces

disconnected from the natural world

has a façade of confidence but hides her inadequacies

she has faked other things

Antag: A down to earth country person who is close to the land, sells natural products and essential oils

Uses her intuition/feeling, doesn’t care much for science

Was never part of a “popular” crowd

Prepper: Easily suspicious

Blunt, sarcastic and foul-mouthed.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Great Hook assignment

A. How did this process work for you? This process is very helpful for me as it’s making me stretch on my concepts to make sure they have some unique hook. I like “What haven’t we seen before?” I brainstormed a number of things and am still working with exchanging components

B. What did you learn doing this assignment?” Stay flexible with ideas and characters at this point.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Assignment Part 1 and <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mary’s guidelines for Same Time next year

What I learned doing this assignment – it was helpful to go back and evaluate ideas based on multiple criteria. While this form creates some more constraints, I’m looking forward to the challenge and see it as another form…like writing a certain type of poetry. Haiku as opposed to a sonnet.

1. Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit the Covid-19 guidelines. For the moment, don’t list the ideas. Just tell us your experience of evaluating them based upon the guidelines.

A. It can be done as a contained story.B. You can write a pitch in one or two sentences.C. There is something unique about it.

I went through my five ideas and then also looked at seeds and concepts I had written in the past for another of Hal’s classes. Interestingly some of them contained similar elements. The contained setting, so far has been the easiest part, but we’ll see how that plays out. I looked at my ideas for aspects of potentially interesting characters and difficult situations and also asked myself about what I saw as the fascinating core as well as what I felt most drawn to work on. I have two ideas that are vying for contention, but one that seems more unique in terms of characters. They could either be dramas or lean towards comedy.

ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines

2. Pick a movie that is outside the Covid Guidelines and give us your thoughts on how they could make it in the current production environment.

TITLE: Same Time Next Year

I picked an easy one because it is already largely contained.

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People 2 main actors plus 1 supporting, minor – airport scene

B. Stunts none, but cars from different decades.

C. Extras a number in the dining room scenes

D. Wardrobe

E. Hair and Make Up to show different decades of life

F. Kids and Animals none

G. Quarantine – for extras in dining scenes

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People : same as is, remove airport scene and show by George coming and going.

B. Stunts none, cars from different decades ok if budget allows

C. Extras : remove people in dining room and focus on their table

D. Wardrobe: generally seems ok as is

E. Hair and Make Up: generally seems ok as is…major part of movie

F. Kids and Animals none

G. Quarantine : removing most extras decreases need for this… as this point could handle this by covid testing all people.

[Mary Spiers]

1. Hi Everyone, My name is Mary Spiers

2. How many scripts you’ve written? I’ve written 2 scripts

3. What you hope to get out of the class? My first two scripts are bigger budget and I’m looking forward to outlining and writing a contained script that has a good chance of getting produced. I’ve taken several other classes and feel that the insights, the structure and the accountability are all very helpful. Looking forward to this class

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?

I’m a clinical psychologist, neuropsychologist and college professor. I came to screenwriting as those professions were well underway. I’ve adapted one of my screenplays into a novel which I am hoping to publish but I love the screenwriting form.

[Mary Spiers]

I’m Mary Spiers.

I agree to the following confidentiality agreement.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary loves separating character dialogue!

What I learned is that my dialog for my main character is very “vanilla” sounding. This was a great exercise for me to really hone in on her dialogue. Now to do this for all the scenes and the other characters.

Character Logline: Hannah is a 12-year old girl who is sent back in time among her Quaker Ancestors and finds she must try to foil a plot that could end the American Revolution and endanger her ancestor.

Core Character Traits
– Prankster
– Anxious
– Intuitive
– Doer

This is from the 1^st scene where Hannah goes back in time. (after the inciting incident) She meets her ancestor Lydia. I looked at her dialogue to elevate the fact that she is using 21^st century references (clueless to fact she’s back in time) as well as to add things about her character. I added dialogue from the whole scene. Some are elevated more than others…

B:HANNAH

Yeah, how did they change everything around so fast?

A: HANNAH

Yeah, how did they change everything around so fast? It’s like one of those makeover shows. It’s so crowded. I can hardly breathe.

B:HANNAH

Sorry I…you look like…Were you

here before?

A:HANNAH

Whoa. You’re real. Your face. The mirror must have been a joke. Some kind of screen. Were you here before?

B: HANNAH

Sorry…sorry you look… familiar.

What’s going on? Am I…? Sorry.

It’s been a weird day.

A:HANNAH

Sorry, sorry. I thought you were a ghost. You’re not. Obviously. That would be creepy. But I’m pretty good at remembering faces. It feels like I should know you. Weird.

B:HANNAH

What?

A:HANNAH

Weird sisters? No, I wasn’t trying to say you look like my sister. Oh, is that a group?

B:HANNAH

Oh, no, sorry. I didn’t see that

one….I’m looking for my Uncle Jim.

A:HANNAH

I didn’t see that one. Oh wait. Shakespeare. Right. Olden times. You’re really good at this reenactment stuff. I like your costume too. Mine’s too tight…I’m looking for my Uncle Jim.

B:HANNAH – nothing.

A:HANNAH

These guys are really into their parts. You must have done this a lot. This is the first year they’re letting me do anything. I’m winging it.

B:HANNAH

(to self)

Broken. Of course.

A:HANNAH

(to self)

Broken. Just my luck.

HANNAH

Hmm. Me too. I guess with so many

tourists.

HANNAH

Bring Jumbles? That’s so random. Me too. I guess with so many tourists.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is…when I considered the real purpose of the scene…that my main character Hannah, needs to get her “good patriot” notions challenged…then the possibilities opened up. It increased the entertainment value as well as making the scene memorable. In the first pass, it’s simply a short scene where the two girls travel from one place to another while talking.

1)Original Scene:

EXT. WHARF – DAY

Lydia hurries along the wharf. Hannah struggles to keep up.

HANNAH

I didn’t know you were Quakers.

LYDIA

I sensed thy rebel sentiments. Quakers must secret our passions.

HANNAH

What do you think Aunt Molly will do? He’s plotting to kidnap the whole party.

LYDIA

Aunt Molly will not let us go into danger.

Lydia stops in front of Captain Collett’s schooner.

Purpose: Hannah becomes educated about Patriots/Rebels and Lydia’s POV. Lydia reluctantly takes Hannah to go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT ship captain and family friend. On the way Hannah has her “good Patriot” notions challenged by Lydia when they see rebels tarring and feathering a custom’s official.[surprise]

Rewrite

EXT. WHARF – DAY

Lydia and Hannah round the corner to the wharf. Rowdy SAILORS decorate ships, celebrate, and crowd the docks.

HANNAH

What will Aunt Molly will do?…about the plot to kidnap congress.

As they weave their way through the crowd sailors heckle the girls. Lydia quickens the pace.

LYDIA

Mr. Galloway is a windbag. Aunt Molly will not lead us into danger.

A sailor grabs Hannah’s arm.

SAILOR

Come sail on my schooner girly.

HANNAH

(to sailor)

Hey! Get your hands off of me! I’m the boss of my body.

He recoils at Hannah’s bravado and releases her. She runs to catch up with Lydia

HANNAH

Did you see him. That guy grabbed me. He was in my personal space.

LYDIA

Thy speech is vastly strange. Keep up.

They approach a run-down dock.

HANNAH

Will she tell anyone?

LYDIA

Only if she feels moved by Divine guidance.

HANNAH

I didn’t know you were Quakers.

LYDIA

Disaffected to the American Cause. Surely this news has reached thy eager ears. The rebels say we are traitors.

HANNAH

You call patriots rebels?

LYDIA

Patriots. Rebels. All of one stripe. Lovers of war.

HANNAH

But the Patriots are fighting for our freedom.

A noisy rabble of sailors carry a terrified CUSTOM’S OFFICIAL covered with tar and feathers towards them. Hannah stares.

HANNAH

What is that?

LYDIA

Your Patriots have tarred and feathered the customs man. Barbaric.

Hannah is stricken by the scene.

LYDIA

The Patriots are fighting for our freedom? Like this? And what dost thou know of my freedom? Before this war I could go where I pleased . . . without a pass to leave the city! Without fear of attack by rebels. Why can’t things be as they were?

Lydia is on the verge of tears. She runs ahead.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Elevated Scene Structures.

What I learned from doing this assignment is even changes to the scenes that seem relatively small, can have a big impact. I used aspects of 3 devices in the scene. It also made me really consider the purpose of the scene in a way I hadn’t before. I’m still considering if this is the best place to reveal that Lydia thinks Hannah is a spy, but we’ll keep this for now. On to some more scenes.

From your script, select a scene that would benefit from a more
compelling scene structure. Place it at the top of the page, then
do the rest of the items below in order.

Original scene:

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S BOAT – CONTINUOUS

Lydia stops in front of Captain Collett’s tattered schooner.

LYDIA

Captain Collett!

Nothing. She boards. Captain Collett emerges, smoking a clay pipe. RUSTY THE PARROT perches on his shoulder.

LYDIA

Good day Captain Collett.

He squints at them and smiles as he recognizes Lydia.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

M’ladies.

He makes a gallant bow. RUSTY flutters up and resettles himself.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Isn’t this the girl who tried to bewitch Mistress Pemberton?

LYDIA

She claims to be kin.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

(chuckling)

That must have given Prissa quite a start. Oh…her face when you said you were from the future.

Lydia shoots Hannah a quizzical glance.

HANNAH

I wanted her to leave me alone.

Collett puffs his pipe.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Family likeness. You could be sisters.

RUSTY THE PARROT

AWK! Could be sisters.

LYDIA AND HANNAH

We’re not.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

If you lovlies are not here to cast a spell on me, what is your pleasure?

LYDIA

We’ve come to fetch Aunt Molly’s spices.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Ah, cinnamon and nutmeg. I can smell the pies now.

Collett eyes the tart in Lydia’s hand.

LYDIA

Oh. Aunt Molly sends a tart.

He takes a big whiff of the tart and takes a bite that demolishes half of it.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Now this is enchanting.

The parrot pecks at the tart. Another bite from Collett. Hannah winces at the germ filled scene.

LYDIA

Captain Collett, rebels broke our windows. They ruined our pies.

She casts an accusing look at Hannah.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Tarnation! I’ll call my men. We’ll string em up by their.. Did you get a good look at em?

HANNAH

(to Collett)

No. Some boys.

HANNAH

(to Lydia)

I chased after them. I didn’t want them to break your windows.

LYDIA

Thee made thy sentiments plain.

Just then CALEB OAFFLEY a strapping burley man, approaches the sloop in his wagon. Collett sees him.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Girls. Inside. Step lively.

LYDIA

We best be going.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Now!

He hustles them into his cabin just as Oaffley comes aboard.

INT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Lydia and Hannah recover their balance.

HANNAH

Ooh, it’s gross in here. I thought everyone was celebrating. I didn’t know…

LYDIA

Shh.

She puts her finger to her lips and they both spy out the porthole.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S SHIP – CONTINUOUS

Oaffley boards. Collett lifts a tarp to reveal crates of spices.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Best spices in the colonies.

CALEB OAFLEY

You got my sleeping powder.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Yes of course, it’s right here. White powder. As you asked. No ordinary poppy tears.

CALEB OAFLEY

Let the rebels have the day. We’ll be drinking the king’s health tonight.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

That so?

CALEB OAFLEY

We’re looking for loyal captains … for a special cargo.

Captain Collett and Caleb Oafley move out of earshot.

INT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

HANNAH

So the rebels and patriots are the same?

LYDIA

Why dost though feign ignorance?

HANNAH

That man is in on the kidnapping plot.

LYDIA

And you are a pretender. Not to be trusted.

Hannah finally listens to Lydia and stops short.

HANNAH

I…I am not.

Lydia raises her hand for quiet as the men approach.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S SHIP – CONTINUOUS

Oafley and Collett stand over the spices.

CALEB OAFLEY

This will be just the right medicine when I get through with it.

INT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Hannah stifles a gasp.

HANNAH

What’s he doing?

Hannah strains to look out the peep hole.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S SHIP – MOMENTS LATER

Caleb Oafley leaves. Collett opens the door and the girls come out.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Dirty business he’s in.

RUSTY THE PARROT

Dirty business. AWK.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Quiet!

Collett cuffs the parrot making him flutter up to a safer perch.

HANNAH

What kind of..?

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Not for youngens to bother with.

(he relights his pipe)

Take heed today. There’s mischief afoot.

RUSTY THE PARROT

Awk. Mischief afoot.

Hannah gives Lydia an “aren’t you going to say anything?” Look as Oafley’s wagon rolls down the street. Lydia ignores her.

2.List the components of the scene and what you are trying to accomplish.

Purpose: Lydia and Hannah are sent to get spices from Captain Collett. Caleb Oafley (bad guy) approaches Collett to buy sleeping drugs as part of the plot to drug congress and kidnap them. Lydia becomes more suspicious of Hannah’s rebel tendencies. Hannah hides she is from the future while looking for more evidence of a plot. Lydia looks for evidence of who Hannah is.

3.Imagine the scene being played out through each of the 11 scene
structures listed above and write out the three best ones, like I did in
the example above.

I landed on

1)a surprise/twist – Lydia accuses Hannah of being a spy when Hannah thinks she has figured out she’s from the future.

2)Competitive agendas – Hannah is trying to figure out who is plotting to kidnap congress while Lydia is trying to figure out who Hannah is.

3)Crucible – the two girls are closed up in a cabin.

and used aspects of all three.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S BOAT – CONTINUOUS

Lydia stops in front of Captain Collett’s tattered schooner.

LYDIA

Captain Collett!

Nothing. She boards. Captain Collett emerges, smoking a clay pipe. RUSTY THE PARROT perches on his shoulder.

LYDIA

Good day Captain Collett.

He gives them a stern look until he recognizes Lydia.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

M’ladies. Come aboard.

Collet makes a creaky gallant bow. RUSTY flutters up and resettles himself. Lydia curtsies and greets Rusty. Hannah, nervous, follows her aboard.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Isn’t this the girl who tried to bewitch Mistress Pemberton?

LYDIA

She claims to be kin.

HANNAH

I’m Hannah.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Hannah.

Collet gallantly bows and kisses Hannah’s hand. Hannah pulls back when Rusty bobs his head at her.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

(chuckling)

Rusty won’t hurt you. You gave Mistress Prissa quite a start. You don’t look like a demon.

Lydia stifles a laugh.

HANNAH

Yeah. Good joke, huh?

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Oh…her face when you said you were from the future.

Lydia shoots Hannah a quizzical glance.

HANNAH

I wanted her to leave me alone.

Collett puffs his pipe and takes a long look at Hannah and Lydia.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Family likeness. You could be sisters.

RUSTY THE PARROT

AWK! Could be sisters.

LYDIA AND HANNAH

We’re not.

The two girls cautiously regard each other.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

If you’re not here to cast a spell on me, what is your pleasure?

LYDIA

We’ve come to fetch nutmeg and cinnamon for Aunt Molly.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Ah, I can smell the pies now.

Collett eyes the tart in Lydia’s hand.

LYDIA

Oh. Yes. Aunt Molly sends a tart.

He takes a big whiff and a bite that demolishes half of it.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Now this is enchanting.

Rusty pecks at the tart. Hannah winces at the germ filled scene.

LYDIA

Captain Collett, rebels smashed our windows. They ruined our pies.

She casts an accusing look at Hannah.

HANNAH

I chased them away.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Tarnation! I’ll call my men. We’ll string em up by their.. Did you get a good look at em?

LYDIA

Older boys. American soldiers most likely.

HANNAH

We don’t know that…

Just then CALEB OAFLEY a strapping burley man, approaches the sloop in his wagon. Collett sees him.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Girls. Inside. Step lively.

LYDIA

We best be going.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Now!

He hustles them into his cabin just as Oaffley comes aboard.

INT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

As the darkness lightens Lydia composes herself. Hannah jumps around the cabin to get a view of Oafley and Collett.

HANNAH

Why’d he hide us? Who is that guy? I mean man.

LYDIA

(whispering)

Shh. Caleb Oafley. Rough sort. Captain Collett is not like them. He watches out for us.

Hannah bounds from peep hole to peep hole. The boat shakes.

HANNAH

That Caleb Oafley looks suspicious.

LYDIA

Stop rocking the boat!

They jostle each other to look out the porthole.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S SHIP – CONTINUOUS

The boat sways. Collett gestures to the girls for stillness. He lifts a tarp to reveal crates of spices to Oafley.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Best spices in the colonies.

CALEB OAFLEY

Here for the sleeping powder.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Right here. White powder. As you asked. No ordinary poppy tears.

CALEB OAFLEY

Let the rebels have the day. We’ll be drinking the king’s health tonight.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

That so?

Captain Collett and Caleb Oafley move out of earshot.

INT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

HANNAH

He’s got to be in on the plot against the patriots.

LYDIA

Rebels.

HANNAH

Whatever.

LYDIA

Why dost though feign ignorance? I know who you really are. I know why you’re here.

Hannah stops short. Has she been found out?

HANNAH

I…I didn’t mean to come back in…I mean come here. One minute I was in all this traffic outside City Tavern. Then it was like one of those makeover shows. Craziest 4th of July I’ve ever seen.

Lydia is mystified.

LYDIA

I know you’re a spy! A rebel spy trying to take our business.

Hannah is speechless.

EXT. CAPTAIN COLLETT’S SHIP – CONTINUOUS

Oafley and Collett stand over the spices.

CALEB OAFLEY

This will be just the right medicine.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

It will put you out. Even in the worst storms.

CALEB OAFLEY

It’s not for the likes of me.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Take care with that. Remember what I told you

Caleb Oafley leaves. Collett opens the door and motions the girls out. Still agitated, they jostle each other.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Dirty business he’s in.

RUSTY THE PARROT

Dirty business. AWK.

HANNAH

What kind of..?

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Not for youngens to bother with.

(he relights his pipe)

Take heed today. There’s mischief afoot.

RUSTY THE PARROT

Awk. Mischief afoot.

CAPTAIN COLLETT

Quiet!

Collett cuffs the parrot. Rusty flutters into Hannah who knocks into Lydia. Lydia sidesteps and Hannah topples overboard.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Elevated Story Beats

What I learned doing this assignment. First, it was helpful to have the entertainment value rated from before. I found those scenes were ones that I’ve felt weren’t working as well. I’m sure I can now go back and elevate many more scenes to improve them as well. I like this process because it is “specific surgery” – It allows me to work on smaller aspects. Each elevation doesn’t need to take a lot of time but it can really help. The other aspect that helped is to make sure I have a clear idea of the purpose of the scene. Brainstorming different possibilities then becomes a fun process.

3 scenes to elevate.

Scene 4)from the first 10 minutes. Purpose: Reason for Hannah to go back in time. Her wish to be famous.” In the first draft Hannah’s reason for going back in time was vague at best.

Before: INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER

(E5)Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it.

After: INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER

(E9) Hannah and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies) for the reenactment dinner as she tries to understand the message. She learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA, another cook. Hannah makes a wish to invent a new baking treat so she’ll be famous like her ancestors and states that it would have been easier in the 1700s. Today everything has already been invented she believes. From her grandmother’s fortune jar Hannah receives a strange message that she may change history. She suddenly realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it. She’s fulfilling the instructions.

2: Scene 13 from 2^nd act. Purpose: to show relationships between characters, elevate expression of Hannah’s character, and highlight the time travel portal)

BEFORE:EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

(E6)Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hugh compliments Lydia and Hannah. Hannah is flattered. Lydia treats him coldly.

After: EXT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

(E8)Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hugh compliments Lydia and Hannah. Hannah is flattered. Lydia treats him coldly. As they go through the door, Hannah goes through some antics to test the door portal which may send her back to the future.

3: Scene 29 from 3rd act. Purpose: to get Hannah back home through the Portal (elevate by making it harder – she has to come thru with Jumbles. Also, she has tried to return several times before without success).

Before: EXT. City Tavern — NIGHT

(E6) Bonfires and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah spots Hugh. They speak about loyalty and part ways. Hannah sees the City Tavern portal door start to glow. She walks through it back to the future.

After: EXT. City Tavern — NIGHT

(E9)Bonfires and firecrackers light up the night as people celebrate. Hannah spots Hugh. They speak about loyalty. Hannah reluctantly leaves him as she sees the City Tavern portal door glow. She cannot pass through. She’s defeated, until she realizes what is missing. She runs down the street to retrieve the bundle of jumbles on the stoop and runs back. She hesitates just before going through. Then through the portal just in time.

Updated Beat Sheet

Jumble of Time

Beat Sheet (5th pass)

1. EXT. PHILADELPHIA OLD CITY – DAY (Opening Image)

Montage showing the 18th century CITY TAVERN over 250 years as Philadelphia evolves around the tavern. The tavern grow smaller as the Philadelphia skyline grows. Styles of fashion and transportation change.

2. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY

(E7)We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim as he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4^th, 1777.

As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.

3. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER

(E8)Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18^th century recipe book. Insecure because she lost a kid’s baking contest, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She discovers the doodle she just penned and a message from the past in her own handwriting in the old book. “Go back thru CT. Bring jumbles.” Spooked she runs out leaving the recipe book.

4. INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER (Purpose: Reason for Hannah to go back in time: her wish to be famous.)

(E9) Hannah and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies) for the reenactment dinner as she tries to understand the message. She learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA, another cook. Hannah makes a wish to invent a new baking treat so she’ll be famous like her ancestors and states that it would have been easier in the 1700s. Today everything has already been invented she believes. From her grandmother’s fortune jar Hannah receives a strange message that she may change history. She suddenly realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it. She’s fulfilling the instructions.

5. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)

(E7)As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the present-day reenactment.

(E9)Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke. Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia.

6. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E6)Hannah ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house. PRISSA, 16 and Hannah start off badly. Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch. MARY NEWPORT sorts it out and takes Hannah in, mistaking her as a relative. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices Prissa and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.

(E7)BENEDICT ARNOLD comes to the shop. Hannah is aghast that he is a war hero, knowing he will one day be a traitor. Prissa flirts with Arnold

Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.

(E6)Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3^rd, 1777.

7. EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING

(E7)As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off. The pies for the feast are ruined.

8. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E5)Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.

Act 2

General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.

9. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E7)Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution. Hannah suggests they make cupcakes to replace the smashed pies – but they haven’t been invented yet.

10. EXT. WHARF — DAY

(E5)Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.

11. EXT. STATEHOUSE — DAY

(E8)The American army and congress are assembled. As the Declaration of Independence is read, Hannah and Lydia chase their runaway cow. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier who catches the cow. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.

12. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E5)Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.

(E5)In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.

45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)

13. EXT. CITY TAVERN – DAY (Purpose: to show relationships between characters and express Hannah’s character)

(E8)Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hugh compliments Lydia and Hannah. Hannah is flattered. Lydia treats him coldly. As they go through the door, Hannah goes through some antics to test the door portal which may send her back to the future.

14. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER

(E7)The room is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. She tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.

15. EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

(E5)Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.

16. INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY

(E6)Hannah sneaks down to the cellar and discovers Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.

17. INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.

(E5)As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)

18. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E7)Hannah is ready to return home and intends to pen the message in the recipe book to send her home but Lydia has eaten a drugged cake and she passes out. Hannah realizes the double-cross. The plot is still alive and Lydia is in danger.

19. EXT. WHARF — DAY

(E6)It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there.

20. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – DAY

(E8) Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed. She sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails. It seems no one can help her to foil the plot or help Lydia.

(all is lost)

21. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E6)Collett comes back and Hannah realizes the bond he has with Lydia. He will search for the antidote. Hannah decides to bake cupcakes on her own despite her lack of 18^th century baking knowledge. Collett returns with the antidote and now Lydia, although groggy helps.

22. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

(E7)Hannah, Lydia and Capt. Collett have no real plan to replace the tainted cakes but show up and improvise. They have to trick the bad guys and get the cakes upstairs to the guests. Hannah leads the prank, the henchman is drugged and out of action and upstairs, in delivering the cakes, a food fight erupts as Hannah has to escape.

This is also Hugh’s moment of truth. He does help them.

23. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON

(E8)In running away Hannah and Lydia are caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.

24. EXT. CITY TAVERN FRONT–AFTERNOON

(E7)The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the dessert

The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.

Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators

25. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

(E6)The guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.

26. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON

(E9)The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah and Hugh, the conspirators get away.

(E5)When Hugh’s Captain arrives, Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.

They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.

ACT 3- RESOLUTION

27. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

(E7)All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon. Hannah is asked to carry a bundle of jumbles to Ms. Griffitt’s house across the street. Leaves them on front stoop.

28. EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

(E6)Hugh keeps his “boys” from attacking Mary Newport’s house.

29. EXT. CITY TAVERN – NIGHT

Purpose: to get Hannah back home through the Portal

(E9)Bonfires and firecrackers light up the night as people celebrate. Hannah spots Hugh. They speak about loyalty. Hannah reluctantly leaves him as she sees the City Tavern portal door glow. She cannot pass through. She’s defeated, until she realizes what is missing. She runs down the street to retrieve the bundle of jumbles on the stoop and runs back. She hesitates just before going through. Then through the portal just in time.

30. INT. CITY TAVERN PRESENT DAY — Day

(E8)Out of breath, Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21^st century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives hands her cell phone back but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Scene Rating

Doing this assignment, I learned that I can elevate a number of scenes by increasing, not only aspects of action or suspense but also by increasing the curiosity and emotional level. I tended to focus on action more than the other aspects.

Jumble of Time

1. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY

(E7)We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4^th, 1777.

As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.

2. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER

(E7Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18^th century recipe book. Insecure because she lost a baking contest, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.

3. INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER

(E5)Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it.

4. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)

(E7)As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the present day reenactment.

(E9)Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke. Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia.

5. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E6)Hannah ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house. PRISSA, 16 and Hannah start off badly. Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch. MARY NEWPORT sorts it out and takes Hannah in, mistaking her as a relative. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices Prissa and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.

(E7)BENEDICT ARNOLD comes to the shop. Hannah is aghast that he is a war hero, knowing he will one day be a traitor. Prissa flirts with Arnold

Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.

(E6)Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3^rd, 1777.

6. EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING

(E7)As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off. The pies for the feast are ruined.

7. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E5)Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.

Act 2

General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.

8. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

(E7)Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution. Hannah suggests they make cupcakes to replace the smashed pies – but they haven’t been invented yet.

9. EXT. WHARF — DAY

(E5)Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.

10. EXT. STATEHouse — DAY

(E8)The American army and congress are assembled. As the Declaration of Independence is read, Hannah and Lydia chase their runaway cow. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier who catches the cow. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.

11. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E5)Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.

(E5)In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.

45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)

12. EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

(E6)Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hugh compliments Lydia and Hannah. Hannah is flattered. Lydia treats him coldly.

13. INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER

(E7)The room is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. She tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.

14. EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

(E5)Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh McDonald is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.

15. INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY

(E6)Hannah sneaks down to the cellar and discovers Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.

16. INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.

(E5)As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)

17. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E7)Hannah is ready to go home but Lydia has eaten a drugged cake and she passes out. Hannah realizes the double-cross. The plot is still alive and Lydia is in danger.

(E6)It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there. Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed.

18. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – DAY

(E8)Hannah sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails. It seems no one can help her to foil the plot or help Lydia.

(all is lost)

19. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

(E6)Collett comes back and Hannah realizes the bond he has with Lydia. He will search for the antidote. Hannah decides to bake cupcakes on her own despite her lack of 18^th century baking knowledge. Collett returns with the antidote and now Lydia, although groggy helps.

20. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

(E7)Hannah, Lydia and Capt. Collett have no real plan to replace the tainted cakes but show up and improvise. They have to trick the bad guys and get the cakes upstairs to the guests. Hannah leads the prank, the henchman is drugged and out of action and upstairs, in delivering the cakes, a food fight erupts as Hannah has to escape.

This is also Hugh’s moment of truth. He does help them.

21. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON

(E8)In running away Hannah and Lydia are caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.

22. EXT. CITY TAVERN FRONT–AFTERNOON

(E7)The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the dessert

The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.

Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators

23. INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

(E6)The guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.

24. EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON

(E9)The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah and Hugh, the conspirators get away.

(E5)When Hugh’s Captain arrives, Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.

They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.

ACT 3- RESOLUTION

25. INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

(E7)All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon.

26. EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

(E6)Hugh keeps his “boys” from attacking Mary Newport’s house.

27. EXT. CITY TAVERN — NIGHT

(E6)Bonfires dot the streets and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah is asked to help carry food home for a neighbor. On her return she spots Hugh. As they speak the door of City Tavern begins to glow behind them. Hannah says good night. She walks back into the future through the City Tavern Portal.

28. INT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

(E8)Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21^st century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives hands her cell phone back but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.

[Mary Spiers]

Subject: Mary’s Character Story Beats

What I learned doing this assignment is that bringing out the entire story of the other non lead characters will elevate the entire story. It gives them more depth and more nuance. I found the places where they were not so interesting. I found I then needed to go back to my main character to see how she will react to them.

Character Name: Hannah Sinclair
Role: Protagonist/ 12 y.o aspiring baker
Core Character Traits
– Prankster
– Anxious
– Intuitive/Relies on Gut feelings
– Doer
Character Subtext Logline: Hannah has to hide that she’s from the future while she tries to keep the national and her personal timeline of history intact.

Her mission: To keep the timeline of national history intact while also keeping her ancestor alive

Want: To be validated/belong as a baker. Need: self-confidence/finding her voice.

Life Metaphor/identity – Hannah is like a rabbit – hops around, impatient, hasty, jokester, change and movement, doesn’t like to be boxed in, spontaneous, fast reflexes good coordination, highly observational alert.

Hannah’s story

Beginning: Wishes to be a famous baker like her ancestor

Middle: Back in time has to bake to save the timeline of history and her ancestor

End: Saves her ancestor and timeline of history.

Hannah’s Beats

1. Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk

2. Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes while she is supposed to be displaying her grandmother’s recipe book. She is upset about losing a kid’s baking contest and wishes she could be famous like her ancestors.

3. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.

4. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it.

5. Hannah steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777 but thinks it’s a reenactment.

6. Hannah meets Lydia (her ggg grandmother) and thinks she’s part of her uncle’s prank.

7. Hannah is taken in as a relative by her famous ancestor Mary Newport and apprentices. Hannah realizes she’s back in time.

8. When ruffians break the windows of Mary Newport’s shop and ruin their pies for the celebration Hannah chases them off.

9. Hannah hears of a plot to kidnap congress and is worried.

10. Hannah puts her foot in her mouth when she suggests they bake cupcakes to replace ruined pies- they haven’t been invented yet. She does the same thing with a reference to the flag.

11. Hannah becomes more suspicious of a plot when Aunt Molly (Mary Newport) has been taken by one of the plotters.

12. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, and mistakenly fingers BENEDICT ARNOLD.

13. Hannah has met Hugh (young soldier) and notices when he goes missing from his post. She thinks this is suspicious and finds him and another guard tied up in CT cellar.

14. Hannah, Hugh and Lydia tell Mr. Turner of the plot and are double crossed since he is in on the plot. Hannah thinks they’ve foiled the plot and she’s ready to go home.

15. Hannah realizes Lydia has been knocked out by eating a drugged cake. Now she is on her own and has to act. She’s not sure whom she can trust – Captain collet the privateer? Hugh the soldier? She’s suspicious of both. She’s in a quandry about how to save Lydia and also the timeline of history. She runs around trying to get them to help to no avail.

16. She decides she may have to do this on her own. She does enlist the aid of Capt. Collet and challenges Hugh to help.

17. Lydia wakes up. With Lydia Hannah bakes more cakes, and with the group they figure out a way to sneak them in and replace the tainted ones, barely escaping getting caught.

18. The plot is foiled and as Hannah returns to the future she has gained new self-confidence in herself and her baking skills.

Improvements: In Hannah’s character I can see places where to bring out her intuition/superstition/ gut feeling more. In places where she is suspicious about the plotters I can make her rely more on her gut feelings – show things where she is checking in or doing some sort of ritual that helps her make decisions. In beats 15 and 16 I need to enhance the jeopardy related to Hannah trying to get help from the team.

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Lydia Newport
Role: Lead Character: Buddy/side-kick/12 yo ancestor to protagonist Hannah
Core Character Traits
– Avoids conflict (Elevated from Diplomatic)
– Loyal
– Helper
– Witty

Character Subtext Logline: Lydia is suspicious of people outside the tribe but diplomatically hides this.
Her mission/agenda: She wants to be the baking successor to her Aunt Mary Newport.

Lie she believes: If only everything could stay the same, the world would be peaceful.
Flaw: can be controlling when “too helpful”

Lydia’s story

Beginning: Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper as a pastry apprentice.

Middle: Lydia dismisses ideas of a plot to kidnap the rebels.

End: Lydia helps Hannah to stop the plot.

Beats for Lydia (first pass)

1. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper

2. Lydia is suspicious of Hannah

3. Lydia doesn’t take plot to kidnap congress seriously

4. Lydia accuses Hannah of being on the rebel side

5. Lydia thinks Hugh may have been in on breaking their windows.

6. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.

7. Lydia treats Hugh coldly

8. Lydia trusts Mr. Turner (but he double-crosses them) and is angry at Hannah for having them dismissed.

9. Lydia eats/is fed a drugged cake and passes out.

10. Lydia is saved from death and helps Hannah stop the plot.

11. Lydia feels a sisterly bond with Hannah.

Improvements: In this first pass I see Lydia primarily operating out of suspicion of Hannah as an interloper. What is not brought out is Lydia’s wish to be the successor to pastry chef Mary Newport. Also, from her character profile, the loyalty/distrust aspect is highlighted. I need to bring out her witty nature, her helpfulness/control and diplomatic aspect. I decided to elevate her diplomatic nature to “avoids conflict” with a secretive/mysterious subtext. There will be more subtext in Lydia’s character and she’ll speak less directly.

2^nd set of Beats for Lydia – change related to elevating aspects of Lydia’s character traits

1. Lydia questions Hannah’s intentions with wit – subtext of accusing Hannah as an interloper

2. When Hannah comes to live with them, Lydia is fearful Hannah is a competitor so she’s secretive around Hannah.

3. Lydia wittingly dismisses the plot to kidnap congress.

4. Lydia gives Hannah a test of her loyalty to family and king.

5. Lydia believes Hugh may have been in on breaking their windows but won’t say.

6. Lydia has no wish to stop the alleged plot but doesn’t tell Hannah.

7. Lydia treats Hugh with indifference but watches him.

8. Lydia trusts Mr. Turner (but he double-crosses them) and is angry at Hannah for having them dismissed. She covers this anger with wit.

9. Lydia eats/is fed a drugged cake and passes out.

10. Lydia is saved from death by Hannah. She realizes Turner is a double agent and people will be hurt if the plot proceeds.

11. Lydia helps Hannah stop the plot with her baking skills.

12. Lydia and Hannah brainstorm to replace the tainted cakes.

13. Lydia feels a sisterly bond with Hannah.

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Hugh McDonald

Hugh’s beats are shown after the 2^nd pass according to fleshing out his character traits
Role: 2ndary Character: 15.y.o. American soldier – aids Hannah/ brotherly influence on the team.
Core Character Traits
– Easily influenced
– Earnest
– Scatterbrained
– Tribal
Character Subtext Logline: Hugh lost his father’s love by leaving the Tories for the American side. He has an uneasy relationship with father figures.
His mission/agenda: He wants to be on the winning side of history.
Paradox: Hugh is loyal to friends even if they are on opposite sides of the war.

Hugh’s story

Beginning: Hugh is a loyal American soldier guarding the City Tavern.

Middle: Hugh is tempted to become involved in the plot to kidnap congress when he meets his former Tory commander, one of the plotters.

End: Hugh helps Hannah foil the plot and becomes loyal to her and American cause.

Beats for Hugh (2^nd pass)

1. While attending a reading of the Declaration of Independence Hugh helps Lydia corral her errant cow. He oozes southern charm.

2. Hugh, stationed as a guard at CT, flatters Hannah and Lydia as they enter.

3. Hugh (and another American guard Jesse) are captured and tied up by the plotters.

4. When Hannah rescues Hugh (and Jesse), Hugh wants to “take on” the imposter guards. He needs to prove himself but his idea gets them into more trouble. He’s not sure he wants to listen to Hannah or Lydia’s ideas.

5. Hugh earnestly reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner (proprietor of CT).

6. Hugh learns they’ve been double crossed by Turner when he is approached by former commander of his Tory regiment to join the plot. Hugh is swayed by his arguments and feels loyalty to him. Hugh says he wants to be on the winning side of history.

7. Hannah challenges Hugh to make a decision on where he stands. It’s his moment of truth and he has to decide which side he’ll be on.

8. Hugh goes to get his regiment’s help and helps capture the conspirators.

9. Because Hugh is scatterbrained, he and Hannah inadvertently let the plotters escape.

10. Hugh has to cover and tell his captain that they just ran off some ruffians.

11. Hugh keeps his soldier buddies from attacking Mary Newport’s house.

12. Hugh tells Hannah he is true blue for the Americans and for her…his loyalty is tribal.

Improvements for Hugh: I made sure to elevate more of Hugh’s character traits from my first pass (not shown)I made Hugh more active in terms of #2 – flattering Hannah, #4 being more active in retaliation and #7. Hugh has to answer a challenge.

——————End Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Prissa Pemberton

Role: 2ndary Character 16 y.o. Apprentice of Mary Newport and often a bully towards Hannah and Lydia.

Core Character Traits

-Will do about anything to attract the “right” man.

-Vain

-Astute on rules of courtship

-Superstitious

Want: Prissa wants to be admired by men. She needs to learn how to get along with other women.

Paradox: Prissa changes her morals/loyalty based on what suits her at the time, but she also ascribes to aspects of Quakerism.

Prissa’s story

Beginning: Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch.

Middle: Prissa focuses on meeting men and Hannah seems to be messing this up for her.

End: Prissa is so into her own agenda that she is unaware of the plot.

Prissa’s beats

1. Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch.

2. Prissa flirts with Benedict Arnold and gives him a free pie to impress him.

3. When Mary Newport has to be away, Prissa takes charge and lords it over the apprentices.

4. At the CT celebration, Prissa focuses on impressing the men and is oblivious to what is happening re: plot.

5. Back at Mary Newport’s house Prissa tells a completely different version of what happened at the feast.

Improvements :Prissa doesn’t change during the story. Doing this, however made me modify some of her character traits.

——————End Character Profile————————–

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Character Profiles

“What I learned doing this assignment is I really needed to clarify the wish and need of my main character a pre-teen Hannah. Originally, I had her longing for a soulmate but I could see her real want is for validation/belonging as an aspiring baker and her need is for self-confidence . Also, in doing this, I’m seeing themes of loyalty coming out in how the characters will interact with each other.

Logline: When 12-year-old Hannah, a wannabe baker, discovers a message in her famous pastry chef ancestor’s recipe book, she’s transported back in time where she must foil a British plot to end the American Revolution that puts her young ancestor’s life in danger.

2. Create a Character Profile for each of your top characters.
Include two required items and at least two optional items.

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Hannah Sinclair

Role: Protagonist/ 12 y.o. aspiring baker

Core Character Traits
– Prankster
– Emotionally sensitive – elevated to Anxious
– Intuitive
– Doer- elevated to Impulsive

Character Subtext Logline: Hannah has to hide that she’s from the future while she tries to keep the national and her personal timeline of history intact.

Her mission: To keep the timeline of history intact.

Want: To be validated/belong as a baker. Need: self-confidence/finding her voice.

Life Metaphor/identity – Hannah is like a rabbit – hops around, impatient, hasty, jokester, change and movement, doesn’t like to be boxed in, spontaneous, fast reflexes good coordination, highly observational alert.

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Lydia Newport

Role: leading Character: Buddy/side-kick/12 yo ancestor to protagonist Hannah

Core Character Traits
– Diplomatic
– Loyal
– Helper
– Witty

Character Subtext Logline: Lydia is suspicious of people outside the tribe but diplomatically hides this.
Her mission/agenda: She wants to be the baking successor to her Aunt Mary Newport

Flaw: can be controlling when “too helpful”

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Hugh McDonald

Role: 2ndary Character: 15.y.o. American soldier – aids Hannah/ brotherly influence on the team.

Core Character Traits
– Easily influenced
– Earnest
– Scatterbrained
– Loyal

Character Subtext Logline: Hugh lost his father’s love by leaving the Tories for the American side. He has an uneasy relationship with father figures.
His mission/agenda: He wants to be on the winning side of history.

Paradox: Hugh is loyal to friends even if they are on opposite sides of the war.

——————Begin Character Profile————————–

Character Name: Prissa Pemberton

Role: 2ndary Character 17 y.o. Apprentice of Mary Newport and often a bully towards Hannah and Lydia.

Core Character Traits
– Opportunist
– Vain
– Astute on rules of dating
Want: Prissa wants to be admired by men. She needs to learn how to get along with other women.

Paradox: Prissa changes her morals/loyalty based on what suits her at the time, but she also ascribes to aspects of Quakerism.

[Mary Spiers]

Jeff, I like the variety of settings you have for your beats. For example, a bridge, the Padres game, treehouse, mountain slide, carnival, etc.

Some beats that seem ordinary on the surface, depending on what happens in the scene…

16. Einstein joins gym and proceed to play basketball and Dude jumps in shower and puts on new duds.

20-ext downtown morning

Search for Dudes dog (this could be very interesting or mundane, depending on how the search goes.

27-int. Pizza restaurant evening

Einstein and Hedgewood play a movie game and help another couple while waiting for pizza

30-ext. backyard day

Backyard community party and Hedgewood loses control and is ashamed of her behavior. (this may or may not need elevating depending on how this plays out. We often see party scenes in the movies where someone loses control of their behavior).

Hope this is helpful…Keep creating!

Mary

[Mary Spiers]

What I learned: I needed to do some more restructuring of the beats from the previous assignment. It took awhile. So the 2^nd beatsheet is partially a restructure and partly an elevation. I still need to elevate more beats.

Logline :When 12-year-old Hannah, a wannabe baker, discovers a message in her famous pastry chef ancestor’s recipe book, she’s transported back in time where she must foil a British plot to end the American Revolution that puts her young ancestor’s life in danger.

Jumble of Time 1st pass

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY

We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4^th, 1777.

As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER

(Discover message) Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18^th century recipe book. Insecure, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.

INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER

Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and volunteers to deliver jumbles so she can retrieve it.

INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)

As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the reenactment.

Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke.

EXT. 18TH CENTURY PHILADELPHIA — DAY

Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia. She ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house where she is mistaken as a relative by MARY NEWPORT. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices PRISSA, 16, and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.

Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.

Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3^rd, 1777.

EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING

As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.

Act 2

General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution.

EXT. WHARF — DAY

Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to buy his rum and enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.

EXT. STATEHOUSE — DAY

Hannah and Lydia see the American army and congress assembled for a reading of the Declaration of Independence. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.

In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.

45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)

EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hannah hesitates before going through the door and so has a short conversation with Hugh. Lydia treats him coldly.

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER

The long room,is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. Hannah tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.

EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh McDonald is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.

INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY

The girls sneak down to the cellar and discover Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. They realize the rum is drugged. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.

INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.

As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)

EXT. PHILADELPHIA WHARF — DAY

Hannah and Lydia rush down towards the docks, not realizing they are being followed by Caleb. The girls split and Hannah sees Lydia is kidnapped

It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there. Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY

Hannah sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails.

(all is lost)

EXT. Philadelphia Wharf — DAY

Hannah goes back to rescue Lydia, Hannah is captured too, but Collett rescues them by pretending to be a slave trader

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY

Captain Collett brings a load of good rum to replace the tainted rum. Hannah and Lydia hide in the wagon. They reveal themselves to Hugh and he and Jesse. This is Hugh’s moment of truth. They do play along with the charade Hannah has concocted to switch the rum. They do deliver untainted rum to the party.

CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — AFTERNOON

Buie mistakenly tells Turner the kidnapping plan is back on track. The wagons are in back.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON

Hannah and Lydia need to dump the tainted rum as Hugh and Jesse go for reinforcements. They are successful, but then caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.

The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the main toast with Rum.

The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.

The good rum doesn’t knock out the guests. Turner is baffled.

Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators

In the mean-time the guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON

The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah, the conspirators get away.

When Hugh’s Captain arrives Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.

They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.

ACT 3- RESOLUTION

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon.

EXT. CITY TAVERN — NIGHT

Bonfires dot the streets and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah is asked to help carry food home for a neighbor. On her return she spots Hugh. As they speak the door of City Tavern begins to glow behind them. Hannah says good night. She walks back into the future through the City Tavern Portal.

INT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21^st century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives her her cell phone but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.

Jumble of Time

Treatment/ Beat Sheet (2^nd pass)

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY

We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4^th, 1777.

As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER

(Discover message) Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18^th century recipe book. Insecure because she lost a baking contest, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.

INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER

Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18^th century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles so she can retrieve it.

INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)

As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the reenactment.

Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke. Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

She ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house where she is mistaken as a relative by MARY NEWPORT. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices PRISSA, 16, and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.

BENEDICT ARNOLD comes to the shop. Hannah is aghast that he is a war hero, knowing he will one day be a traitor.

Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.

Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3^rd, 1777.

EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING

As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.

Act 2

General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER

Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution. Hannah suggests they make cupcakes to replace the smashed pies – but they haven’t been invented yet.

EXT. WHARF — DAY

Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.

EXT. STATEHOUSE — DAY

Hannah and Lydia see the American army and congress assembled for a reading of the Declaration of Independence. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.

In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.

45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)

EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hannah hesitates before going through the door and so has a short conversation with Hugh. Lydia treats him coldly.

INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER

The long room,is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. Hannah tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.

EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh McDonald is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.

INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY

Hannah sneaks down to the cellar and discovers Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.

INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.

As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

Hannah is ready to go home but Lydia has eaten a drugged cake and she passes out. Hannah realizes the double-cross. The plot is still alive and Lydia is in danger.

It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there. Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY

Hannah sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails. It seems no one can help her to foil the plot or help Lydia.

(all is lost)

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY

Collett comes back and Hannah realizes the bond he has with Lydia. He will search for the antidote. Hannah decides to bake cupcakes on her own despite her lack of 18^th century baking knowledge. Collett returns with the antidote and now Lydia, although grogy, can help.

INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY

Hannah, Lydia and Capt. Collett have no real plan to replace the tainted cakes but show up and improvise. They have to trick the bad guys and get the cakes upstairs to the guests. Hannah leads the prank, the henchman is drugged and out of action and upstairs, in delivering the cakes, a food fight erupts as Hannah has to escape.

This is also Hugh’s moment of truth. He does help them.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON

In running away Hannah and Lydia are caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.

The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the main toast with Rum.

The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.

Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators

In the mean-time the guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.

EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON

The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah, the conspirators get away.

When Hugh’s Captain arrives, Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.

They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.

ACT 3- RESOLUTION

INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT

All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon.

EXT. CITY TAVERN — NIGHT

Bonfires dot the streets and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah is asked to help carry food home for a neighbor. On her return she spots Hugh. As they speak the door of City Tavern begins to glow behind them. Hannah says good night. She walks back into the future through the City Tavern Portal.

INT. CITY TAVERN — DAY

Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21^st century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives hands her cell phone back but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.

[Mary Spiers]

Pamela, I love that Henri has to move to dog grooming from high profile hair styling. I wonder if Henri even likes dogs. If he doesn’t there’s so much potential for humor. I’m thinking “Sister Act”.

In terms of your changes, I understand getting in quicker, and I also wonder if by doing that if you’re leaving some of the juicy character details out (for example Marc) or how these will change in any way?

Mary

[Mary Spiers]

Assignment: Review Structure

What I learned: I realized in doing this and going over it with a partner from this class that my main character’s wish needed to drive this more.

Logline :When 12-year-old Hannah, a wannabe baker, discovers a message in her famous pastry chef ancestor’s recipe book, she’s transported back in time where she must foil a British plot to end the American Revolution that puts her young ancestor’s life in danger.

1^st pass

Main Conflict/Issue: Hannah has to save the timeline of history – personal and America

Opening:

12-year-old Hannah feels like she doesn’t live up to her family’s baking legacy so she reverts to playing practical jokes during a history reenactment.

Inciting Incident(10):

Hannah discovers a message in her ancestor’s recipe book that sends her back in time to Revolutionary Philadelphia.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

Hannah is a fish out of water as she goes back in time.

First turning point at end of Act 1: (30)

Hannah and her ancestor Lydia discover a plot to kidnap the Rev. War leaders during the celebration. Lydia is ok with the plot since her Quaker family is against the war.Hannah is aghast because she knows the American Rebels have to win for America to be independent.

Mid-Point: False Victory (60)

Hannah believes they have foiled the plot. The group – Lydia, Hannah and Hugh (the American) soldier tell Mr. Turner, the proprietor of City Tavern, all they know. They don’t realize he is in on the plot. They are double crossed.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:

Lydia is accidentally drugged with poisoned cakes and the plot to end the revolution looks like it will succeed. Everyone that Hannah was counting on to help may have betrayed her. The whiff of death is imminent for Lydia, which also means Hannah will never be born.

Crisis:

No one is there to help Hannah save Lydia or stop the plot. She decides she must do something. Lydia can’t die.

Climax:

Hannah get help for Lydia to recover. Hannah saves the day with her baking and her trickster nature. (The plot to kidnap congress must fail even if I have to bake something myself!)

Resolution

Hannah and her team- Lydia, soldier Hugh and Capt. Collett have saved the day through Hannah’s baking, but the plotters have escaped and no one will ever find out.

2^nd pass

Main Conflict/Issue: Hannah wishes to be a great baker like her famous ancestors. When she’s sent back in time among them has to save the timeline of her family and the nation’s history.

1. Opening:

12-year-old Hannah feels like she doesn’t live up to her family’s baking legacy so she reverts to playing practical jokes during a history reenactment.

Inciting Incident(10):

Hannah discovers a certain magic around her ancestor’s recipe book that sends her back in time to Revolutionary Philadelphia.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

Hannah will be tested because her wish to emulate her famous ancestors sent her to them.

First turning point at end of Act 1: (30)

Hannah and her ancestor Lydia discover a plot to kidnap the Rev. War leaders during the celebration. Lydia is ok with the plot since her Quaker family is against the war. Hannah is aghast because she knows the American Rebels have to win for America to be independent.

Mid-Point: False Victory (60)

Hannah believes they have foiled the plot. The group – Lydia, Hannah and Hugh (the American) soldier tell Mr. Turner, the proprietor of City Tavern, all they know. They don’t realize he is in on the plot. They are double crossed.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:

The bad guys try to drug both Hannah and Lydia with poisoned cakes, but only Lydia is drugged. The plot to end the revolution looks like it will succeed. Everyone that Hannah was counting on to help may have betrayed her. The whiff of death is imminent for Lydia, which also means Hannah will never be born.

Crisis:

No one is there to help Hannah keep Lydia alive or stop the plot. She decides she must do something. Lydia can’t die.

Climax:

Hannah gets help for Lydia to recover. Hannah saves the day with her baking and her trickster nature. (The plot to kidnap congress must fail even if I have to bake something myself!)

Resolution

Hannah and her team- Lydia, soldier Hugh and Capt. Collett have saved the day through Hannah’s baking, but the plotters have escaped and no one will ever find out.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi Jeff,

Your characters sound very interesting and quirky, and different enough in their quirks to make for some interesting situations. In your logline, I think it would help it if you give us more specifics/hints as to the “something that changes the world” and you could leave off the “and you are part of”.

For the core elements mostly my suggestions are to be more specific and to see if you can flesh out the later acts.

For the specific parts what I mean is… I understand that this man has been working intently on something…if this is for a producer I’d want to know more about what it is. I’d like to know how the “book changes everything in his mind”. Later I’m curious about what their dreams are?

I’m not sure if Einstein is our protagonist’s nickname or Bob’s nickname. As I read on, it becomes more clear Einstein is the protagonist. Giving us his name up front will be helpful.

For the core aspects I see more attention on the set up and less on the later parts. I’m wondering what you see as the biggest dramatic question? Will Einsten be able to____?

My curiosity is aroused in what you have written. Keep going! This has potential!

Mary

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Logline and One-Pager

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is more about condensing my story to the most essential details. I had to resist putting more about character and the dynamics of relationships in. I’m sure it can be condensed some more. The one page is 426 words. Also, I’ve worked on this logline so many times. This made me focus on the absolute core.

Title: A Jumble of Time.

Logline

A wannabe kid baker is transported back to 1777, where her attempts to foil a British plot to end the American Revolution jeopardizes the life of her ancestor .

One Page

Hannah would rather play practical jokes on her uncle than help her family with a boring history reenactment. She concocts wild history stories for tourists about exploding cupcakes instead of honoring the family matriarch, Mary Newport, and her legacy as a famous colonial Philadelphia pastry cook. But Hannah longs to be a championship baker, too. Not the screw-up she has been. The joke is on Hannah when Mary Newport’s 18^th century recipe book reveals a message in Hannah’s own handwriting. The clues send her back in time to the first Independence Day anniversary, July 4^th, 1777 where her ancestors are hired bakers.

Mistaken for a lost relative, Hannah is taken in by Mary Newport. But her future very great grandmother 12-year-old Lydia is immediately suspicious of Hannah’s intentions. When the family suffers an attack on their shop from American rebels Hannah realizes her pacifist Quaker ancestors aren’t the ardent patriots of family lore.

Soon, Hannah and Lydia discover a Tory scheme to drug their cakes and kidnap the congress to end the American Revolution. Hannah decides it’s up to her to keep the timeline of history intact. Lydia wants no part of this. In fact, she’d like to keep things just as they are and grows more distrusting of Hannah. Because she is clueless about history, Hannah gets both of them into humorous and dicey situations. In her attempts to ferret out the plotters, Hannah mistakenly accuses Benedict Arnold, and is double-crossed by the real culprits.

When Lydia is poisoned by one of the drugged cakes, Hannah has to decide whether to try to save the timeline of history or her own family line and future self. Her wish to replace the drugged cakes with new cakes and to save Lydia seems doomed. She knows little about 18^th century baking and less about poison cures. Through persistence and help from a young American soldier and a crusty privateer the tide begins to turn.

After they find an anecdote, Lydia recovers. Lydia helps Hannah to keep the rebel leaders from being drugged too. But the banquet is in less than 2 hours. In the end they foil the plot through a baking frenzy, some sneaky pranks and a food fight. But the plotters escape and the would-be kidnapping never becomes recorded history. Hannah and her friends have saved the American Revolution but no one will know. Hannah and Lydia now feel a sisterly bond and Hannah returns to the future with a better sense of confidence and appreciation of the choices people made during the Revolutionary War.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi, I’m Mary.

I’ve completed 2 scripts and have another in progress. I’m also just completing a middle grades novel.

I hope to elevate a script I’ve completed to make it fully marketable and to learn this rewrite process to to increase the quality of my writing and revising going forward.

My background is as a neuropsychologist. I also love the creative side of life and the playfulness that screenwriting brings.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Spiers

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Comedy plots

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is to keep playing

A perfectionist woman superhero who does very little because she’s afraid of making mistakes.

•Fish out of water

Our perfectionist superhero has to be a motivational mentor to a young woman superhero.

•Incongruent pairings

Our perfectionist superhero has to rehab a former “devil may care” villain.

Hilarious purpose

The “former” devil may care villain tries to trick our perfectionist superhero to carry out the “perfect” crime.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi, I’m Mary Spiers. I’ve written 2 scripts. I haven’t written comedy yet, but I’d love to learn to write comedy. DK if I’ll write a comedy script but I’d like to know how to add comedic elements to my work.

In my younger days I was a bit of a prankster. Since I’ve given that up, I’ll reserve it for writing.

[Mary Spiers]

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

Mary Spiers I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Funny Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is that making expected cultural references incongruent is something I think is funny. I also liked the making of time travel references that interacted with the character’s personality as a kvetcher.

This is from the Movie Sleeper (1973)

One thing that is funny is the set-up of the current (1973) cultural references to health food, etc are turned on their head, and now, in the future, all those things are bad for you, and deep fat, hot fudge, etc. is now good.

This was taken from a transcript…it’s not in screenplay format

He’s fully recovered…
except for a few minor kinks.

– Has he asked for anything special?
– Yes. This morning for breakfast.

He requested something called wheat
germ, organic honey and tiger’s milk.

Those are the charmed substances once
felt to contain life-preserving properties.

You mean there was no deep fat?

No steak or cream pies or hot fudge?

Those were thought to be unhealthy… the
opposite of what we now know to be true.

Incredible.

The other thing that is funny is Miles’ kvetching about the operation and his situation as he tries to get his head around the fact he’s woken up in the future. He also makes another payoff reference to the idea that everything that was good for you is now bad.

Ex: To me, a miracle is I go in
for a minor operation,

I come out the next day,
my rent isn’t 2,000 months overdue.

Ex. And where am I, anyhow? What happened
to everybody? Where are all my friends?

Understand that everyone you knew in
the past has been dead nearly 200 years.

But they all ate organic rice.

Then the writer puts it all together..

It was too good to be true.
I parked right near the hospital.

Here. Smoke this. Be sure you get
the smoke deep into your lungs.

– I don’t smoke.
– It’s tobacco.

It’s one of the healthiest things for you.
Now, go ahead.

You need all the strength you can get.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Favorite Twists

What I learned doing this assignment. I generally put in twists, but these gave me many more “action” twists.

•Set up: Close on Sam sleeping peacefully. Twist is he wakes up to find all his money stolen.

•Set up: Sam is looking for a job with someone he can trust. Twist is he is lured into a trap and kidnapped.

•Set up: Sam escapes into Choctaw Indian territory. Twist is they return him to his kidnappers.

•Set up: Sam and the boys are going to be sold to a Mississippi plantation owner. Twist is Sam’s knowledge of horses alerts then plantation owner that these are kidnapped free boys.

•Set up: Sam and the boys think they will be slaves. Twist is they will be sent home.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Likability/Empathy/Justification

What I learned doing this assignment is to increase aspects of likeability and empathy for my hero. Originally I had more justification.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

Sam is trying to “be his own man” and find a job.

Sam shows tenderness for a horse that is being mistreated and seems to be “on it’s own” like Sam.

Enos admires and feels indebted to Sam because he saved him from being trampled by a horse

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

All Sam’s money was stolen as he sleeps on the street in Philadelphia.

He is on his own with no one to turn to.

Sam is hungry and so tries to steal a cake but then backs down.

A kidnapping gang preys on Sam’s lack of money, lures him into a false job and kidnaps him

JUSTIFICATION

Sam is confined in the hold of a boat.

Eb threatens to slit Sam’s throat if he calls out.

Sam is regularly beaten or threatened with beatings by the kidnappers.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Story Map

What I learned is that this is a very helpful exercise to do these tracts individually and then weave them together. Seeing the action track is especially helpful to me.

•Opening: Sam is a black teen who runs away from his apprenticeship and arrives in 1825 Philadelphia.

M 1: Sam is on the lookout for a way to make money and be his own man.

A1: Discovery : When a circus horse spooks, Sam intervenes to settle it. Purpose: Gives a hint of Sam’s horsemanship skills

V1: LURE KIDNAPPING VICTIM/CAPTURE – lure Sam onto boat with promise of work and tie him up in hold. Capture other boys with same techniques

•Inciting Incident: Sam is tricked and captured by Eb Johnson of a kidnapping gang.

M 2: Inciting Incident: Sam is tricked and shoved into the hold of a boat when he responds to a man offering money if he unloads cargo from the boat.

A2: Dangerous Situation: Sam is kidnapped, but he is confident he can escape, clowns around. Eb threatens to slit his throat if he acts up. Purpose: shows his teenage cockiness and optimism. He has already escaped from one master.

V2: PLAN: Sail to Gang hideout in Maryland to pick up additional crew and larger ocean going boat to sail to New Orleans port. Gives his standard THREAT if anyone tries to escape speech.

M3: First Action: Sam tries to escape when they land in the Chesapeake.

A3: Escape: When the kidnapper’s boat lands near their Chesapeake hideout, Sam escapes his ropes and hides in swamp, but steps in quicksand and has to be rescued by kidnapper. Purpose: to show Sam’s initiative, impulsiveness and defiance.

M4: Obstacle: Enos, another captive, alerts the kidnappers when he sees Sam sinking in quicksand.

V3: REACT to ESCAPE attempt with higher THREATS and beating. Eb realizes he needs to treat Sam more harshly.

A4: Humiliation: Kidnappers taunt Sam and make him dance for morsels of food,. Purpose: Show Sam is almost always hungry and will sacrifice his dignity for food. This is a weapon of control for kidnappers.

•First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Sam realizes that the gang intends to sell him south into slavery.

V4: PLAN: Eb and Lucy “Indoctrinate” the boys into their “slave story” so they don’t arouse suspicion.

V5: PLAN: Lucy tells Sam she’ll give him food for information about any escapes.

A5: Intimidation: Offering a deal: Lucy co-villain and partner of Eb’s offers Sam more food and special treatment if he snitches on the other boys.

Purpose: Show Sam’s vulnerabilities to food and his Lone wolf tendencies.

M5: Escalation: Sam tries to play both sides, placating villains and trying to escape on his own

V6: PLAN: Sail South, stopping only at “gang friendly” ports.

A6: Cause Chaos: When kidnapper’s boat is damaged and is close to a port, Sam and boys try to cause chaos so they can escape. They fight among themselves, give up and have to go back.

Purpose: Show how when Sam is lone wolf and boys are not working together, the plan fails.

M6: Overwhelming Odds: Lone wolf Sam loses the trust of his fellows. Villians (Eb and Lucy) become more and more watchful and brutal.

V7: REACT to Sam’s undermining of slave story when they try to sell him with a beating.

M7: New Plan: Sam has to trust fellow captive Joe to help him. He offers to take Joe, but Joe is weak and elects to stay to “protect” the younger captives.

•Mid-Point Sam escapes into Choctaw Indian territory when Joe offers a diversion

A7: Competition/Personal Agenda/chase: Sam escapes, leaving other boys, with help from Joe (friend and captive) and escapes into Choctaw Country where he is taken in by an Indian boy and shows off his horsemanship skills. He is hunted by Eb.

Purpose: Show Sam’s focus on himself and his horsemanship skills as well as his lack of knowledge of the woods/wilderness.

V8: HUNT for Sam when he escapes into southern Choctaw territory (threatens Indians?) and PUNISHES other boys, especially Joe.

A8: Dangerous situation: The Choctaws decide whether to hand Sam back to kidnapper’s or keep him as a slave. They force him back to Eb. He has to think of a story fast that will keep Eb from torturing him. Purpose: Sam’s taste of freedom is dashed and sent back into the clutches of the villain will he will be tortured, but he is quick-witted.

•Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Sam’s escape doesn’t work, he’s returned to find Joe, very weak.

A9: Shootout: Eb stole money from a man who finds the kidnapper’s camp and chases them out of the county, Shoot-out on wagon and horseback.

Purpose: show vulnerabilities of villain and how Sam begins to help his fellow captives with his horsemanship.

V9: DECISION: Sell troublemaking Sam and boys as soon as they can.

V10: RETALIATION: Eb beats Joe, Sam’s friend, and lets him die.

•Crisis: Eb (kidnapper) Kills Joe, and finds a plantation owner buyer. It’s Sam’s last chance to escape.

M8: Full out Attack: As they’re burying Joe, Sam tries to kill Eb.

A10: Fight: In a fit of grief and rage, Sam tries to kill Eb with a shovel. He is stopped by the head slave. Eb sees this and vows to get Sam in the morning.

•Climax: Although Sam thinks of running, he stays and finds a solution to help all the boys get to freedom through his horse knowledge.

M9: Success: Sam’s knowledge of horses and horse racing shows he’s from up north. Sam speaks out to adults to discredit the kidnappers.

V11: FITTING ENDING: When Sam hints to potential slave buyer that he’s freeborn, Eb’s authority to sell these kids is questioned and the kidnapping scheme unravels. He loses all the kidnapped boys, his money and is pursued by the authorities and his gang.

Resolution: Sam and the boys get their freedom and are returned to Philadelphia.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Action Structure!

What I learned: I need to keep working on my hero to show how he is “highly capable and skilled” in horsemanship, and put in more how this will help him. I’ll also work on escalating the adrenaline.

•Opening: Sam is a black teen who runs away from his apprenticeship and arrives in 1825 Philadelphia.

•Inciting Incident: Sam is tricked and captured by Eb Johnson of a kidnapping gang.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Sam realizes that the gang intends to sell him south into slavery.

Mid-Point Sam escapes into Choctaw Indian territory when Joe offers a diversion

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Sam’s escape doesn’t work, he’s returned to find Joe, very weak.

Crisis: Eb (kidnapper) Kills Joe, and finds a plantation owner buyer. It’s Sam’s last chance to escape.

Climax: Sam stays and finds a solution to help all the boys get to freedom through his horse knowledge.

Resolution: Sam and the boys get their freedom and are returned to Philadelphia.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Action Track!

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that I have a lot of escape sequences that may be too redundant. I started expanding the types of action this and need to work on it some more. I’ll be revisiting this exercise.

1. Answer the Action Questions:

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?Escape is at the top of the list, but also evade, chase/pursuit, then possibly dangerous situations, fight and torture.<div>

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track? Mission – escape, fight, possibly competition with Villain and rescue of other boysVillain -Punish (starve, beat),Threaten, confine, humiliate, kill friend

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?The action starts with the kidnapping of Sam, it escalates as Sam tries different types of escape and undermining of Eb (Villain), it escalates more as Sam does escape, there is a chase and recapture. All the while Eb escalates his punishment and attempts at threats and intimidation. It climaxes in the 3^rd act as Ed has killed Sam’s friend Joe (also a kidnapping victim) leading Sam attempting to kill Eb. He is stopped from this, but from aid from his “tribe” he uses his horsemanship skills and knowledge to obtain his freedom and that of the other boys.

3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.

Discovery : Sam leaves his master and goes to Philadelphia to find his fortune. When a circus horse spooks, Sam intervenes to settle it.

Purpose: Gives a hint of Sam’s horsemanship skills

Dangerous Situation: Sam is kidnapped, but he is confident he can escape, clowns around. Eb threatens to slit his throat if he acts up.

Purpose: shows his teenage cockiness and optimism. He has already escaped from one master.

Escape: When the kidnapper’s boat lands near their Chesapeake hideout, Sam gets out of ropes and hides in swamp, but steps in quicksand and has to be rescued by kidnapper.

Purpose: to show Sam’s initiative, impulsiveness and defiance.

Humiliation: Kidnappers make Sam dance for morsels of food, not always giving him any.

Purpose: Show Sam is almost always hungry and will sacrifice his dignity for food. This is a weapon of control for kidnappers.

Intimidation: Offering a deal: Lucy co-villain and partner of Eb’s offers Sam more food and special treatment if he snitches on the other boys.

Purpose: Show Sam’s vulnerabilities to food and his Lone wolf tendancies.

Cause Chaos: When kidnapper’s boat is damaged and is close to a port, Sam and boys try to cause chaos so they can escape. They fight among themselves, give up and go back.

Purpose: Show how when Sam is lone wolf and boys are not working together, the plan fails.

Competition/Personal Agenda/chase: Sam escapes, leaving other boys, with help from Joe (friend and captive) and escapes into Choctaw Country where he is taken in by an Indian boy and shows off his horsemanship skills. He is hunted by Eb.

Purpose: Show Sam’s focus on himself and his horsemanship skills as well as his lack of knowledge of the woods/wilderness.

Dangerous situation: The Choctaws decide whether to hand Sam back to kidnapper’s or keep him as a slave. They force him back to Eb. He has to think of a story fast that will keep Eb from torturing him.

Purpose: Sam’s taste of freedom is dashed and sent back into the clutches of the villain will he will be tortured, but he is quick-witted.

Shootout: Eb stole money from a man who finds the kidnapper’s camp and chases them out of the county, Shoot-out on wagon and horseback.

Purpose: show vulnerabilities of villain and Sam’s help of his fellow captives.

More to follow
</div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Villain Track

What I learned doing this assignment – I have been putting more effort into fleshing out the hero and his motivations and beats of the story. It’s helping to delve into the Villain’s process.

1. Ask the Villain Track questions to discover your Villain’s plan, decisions, and actions.

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot. <div>

Pre-planned – Kidnap Sam and sell him south into slavery

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?PunishStarve himBeat himThreaten verballyTie him/ lock him upHumiliateNo medical aid when neededKill his friend Joe

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?Has all the weaponsHas a gang/networkKnows boats and the territoryFew would challenge a white man in pre civil war south.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done? Kidnapping gang Livlihood taken away, money gone, relationships shattered, captured and imprisoned or killed. The gang goes after the villain for not delivering.

2. Include labels with each step of their plan.

Develop your own set of labels, but make sure you clearly show decisions, plans, and actions your Villain takes.

•LURE KIDNAPPING VICTIM/CAPTURE – lure Sam onto boat with promise of work and tie him up in hold. Get other boys with same techniques

•PLAN: Sail to Gang hideout in Maryland to pick up additional crew and larger ocean going boat to sail to New Orleans port. Gives his standard THREAT if anyone tries to escape speech.

•REACT to ESCAPE attempt with higher THREATS and beating. Sam makes an attempt to escape and Eb realizes he needs to treat him more harshly. Uses food as weapon.

•PLAN: “Indoctrinate” the boys into their “slave story” so they don’t arouse suspicion.

•PLAN: Sail South, stopping only at “gang friendly” ports.

•REACT to Sam’s undermining of slave story when tries to sell him.

•HUNT for Sam when he escapes into southern Choctaw territory (threatens Indians?) and PUNISHES other boys, especially Joe.

•DECISION: Sell troublemaking Sam and boys as soon as they can.

•RETALIATION: Eb beats Joe, Sam’s friend, and lets him die.

•FITTING ENDING: When Sam hints to potential slave buyer that he’s freeborn, Eb’s authority to sell these kids is questioned and the kidnapping scheme unravels. He loses all the kidnapped boys, his money and is pursued by the authorities and his gang
</div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Hero and Villain

What I learned from this assignment is …to keep asking myself how I can elevate the stakes?

Concept: A free black boy is kidnapped by a gang of slave traders and is determined to do whatever it takes to escape before he’s sold south.

Hero Morally Right: Sam is fighting for his freedom, standing up for his rights.Villain Morally Wrong: Kidnapper and Slave trafficker

Hero: Sam Scomp

A. Unique Skill Set: Sam is a skilled horseman, nearly a horse whisperer, at a time when horses are the main form of transportationB. Motivation: He escapes to a life of freedom from slaveryC. Secret or Wound: His family was taken from him

Villain: Eb Johnson (& Lucy Cannon)

A. Unbeatable: the kidnapping gang has a strong network of slave trafficking. No one has gotten away before.<div>

B. Plan/Goal: to sell Sam and the others into slavery in the south.

C. What they lose if Hero survives: Their livelihood and their lives if caught.

Impossible Mission:

A. Puts Hero in Action: Sam is kidnapped from Philadelphia.</div>

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: A young Sam has to go beyond his rashness and come up with a way to escape

C. Destroy the Villain: Sam constantly undermines Eb and looks for ways to escape or kill Eb

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Spiers

2 scripts

Write better action scripts and scenes that need action

Something unique – I’m a clinical neuropsychologist turned writer.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment. Having the conventions explained in this way is very helpful, especially thinking about the “mission” and “escalating action”.

Concept: Four free black boys are kidnapped by a gang of slave traders and one is determined to do whatever it takes to escape before they’re sold south.

Conventions

Hero: Sam: A lone-wolf, highly skilled in horsemanship<div>

Demand For Action: If Sam doesn’t escape he’ll be sold into slavery or killed

Mission: To escape and get back home at a time when many blacks are slaves

Antagonist: Accomplished slave trading and kidnapping gang

Escalating Action: Each time Sam tries to escape the gang leader becomes more ferocious towards him and the other boys. There are hunts, captures, betrayal and chases.

</div>

[Mary Spiers]

Mary Spiers

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi Tasha,

Thanks for the opportunity to exchange feedback. I’m not a horror expert but will give it a go on Ghost Hunt.

First impression: I like your title – he’s on a hunt and we know this may be scary.

In the set-up you mention that protagonist Darren is exploring a haunted dwelling, and I’m guessing he’s looking for the hooded lady for some reason. Can you tell us a little more about why he’s so intrigued or driven to explore the mansion and find the hooded lady? If the hooded lady has an evil reputation this may make going there even more scary when they see her. DK if you need to explain this before, but I also am wondering why he brings his ex-girlfriend?

•This writing sample is very clear. I can see what is happening and can follow the action. Also this is a sample that gets more scary as it goes along so it follows the conventions for horror. People disappearing and eerie voices in the dark always get me! Then her injury and seeing the hooded lady and ghosts! Yes.

•I like the interplay and tension between Darren and Jill. What I am wondering is how much does Darren still care for her? If he really is very emotionally invested, and shows this (or maybe it’s in the set-up) the fact that Jill disappears and then is hurt would seem even more scary because she means so much to him.

• In all I think this builds well along horror lines. Thanks for the opportunity to give feedback.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi Cameron,

Partnering on this assignment would be great. I just sent you a connection request. We can connect through there or email me at mspierswriter@verizon.net. I’m on the east coast -Philly.

[Mary Spiers]

Showing these things sounds like a good way. Will they be in flashbacks of Dude’s life?

I wonder if another way to show this would be to have them get into some situation on the way home where Dude may be seen as a homeless person by some stranger and he is treated badly, so Einstein witnesses this first hand. – just one idea.

[Mary Spiers]

Hi Jeff, I’ve posted in the next days assignments (2,3). A little behind on 4,5. Working on a novel as well so I may be a little slower at times.

~ Mary

[Mary Spiers]

Hi Jeff, I see your logline is about “finding love” and finding a solution to the homeless crisis. So if this is your core …finding love or finding a solution to the homeless crisis, I’m wondering where this movie would start? Inciting incident? Many times this would start with a problem of lost love, longing of some sort or needing to solve a problem. Your page 10 seems to be worded as if the problem is already solved. So just wondering about that.

[Mary Spiers]

Thanks Angie, I like your rewording of the logline. Not sure if I need to put this character aspect of my main character in the logline as you are pointing out.

Mary

[Mary Spiers]

Thanks Jeff. It’s helpful to get your opinion on the core elements. The script has gone through a couple of revisions and the “poisoning” is new. Maybe you’re picking up on something that I haven’t expressed as well.

Yes, on to the 9-points!

Mary

[Mary Spiers]

Sure Jeff,

I’d love your comments. I’m especially interested in how this might be shortened. What are the core aspects as you see it. I’ll look forward to looking at yours today (Thurs.).

Also would love comments from whomever would like to give them and I’ll reciprocate.

~Mary