Matthew Abaya
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I learned from this assignment is to keep action interesting by using surprise, shock and suspense.
Scene outline:
Escape: Jun is trying to escape the building. He covertly hacks and disables well guarded electronic doors and alarms. He barely makes it own undetected.
Surprise: Jun safely arrives at an escape point and rejoins his friend who is trying to help him escape. They make their way out through the trash. The friend pulls out a gun and holds it to Jun’s head. He has been betrayed. Jun’s reflexes quickly deflect the gun as he is fired upon.
Shock: A fight ensues where they wrestle for control of the gun.
Suspense: During the fight, the bag “valuable drive” flies in the air and perilously falls close to a huge shredder. Some heavy trash getting split apart in small pieces as the shredder disintegrates them. Right as Jun looks like he will defeat his ex-friend and recover the drive, the bad guys show up and capture him. Escape plan foiled.
Draft:
INT. TRASH ROOM – NIGHT
Jun bolts through the door leading to a trash room with a huge shredder and several metal bins. Jon is waiting by an exit door.
JUN
You made it.
JON
You know I got you brother.
As Jun opens the door to leave, Jon pulls a gun on Jun. Jun steps tot he right and pulls Jons arm in so that he can’t get his shot.
JUN
What are you doing?
JON
I can’t let you have it.
JUN
Wait!
Jun and Jon continue to fight for the gun. Jun disarms Jon and kicks him against one of the bins.
JUN (CONT’D)
You have some explaining!
JON
What’s in that drive is not what you think.
JUN
I thought the deal was we split it.
Jon throws some trash into Jun’s face stinging his eyes. Jon tries to grab the gun but it flies off into a dumpster. He elbows Jun in the head and snatches the bag.
Jun regaining his sight chases after Jon.
JUN (CONT’D)
You know why I need that.
JON
I don’t care. This is my ticket to freedom.
Jon pulls out a knife from Jun’s bag.
JON (CONT’D)
Look what I found.
Jon swings at Jun. He moves to evade the swings. Jon is haste throws the knife but misses. Jun charges for the bag and tries to pry it off Jon. The bag flies off into the shredder.
An alarm sounds and the shredder comes to life. Some trash gets disintegrated as the bag falls down the shoot.
JON (CONT’D)
We got to cut the power to that thing.
Jun punches him in the face and leaps over the edge to snatch the bag back. A bullet ricochets off the machine.
Jon has control of the gun again.
Jun fall into the chute and towards the shredder. Before he hits the blades the machine stops, he is safe.
Climbing out of the machine, he notices that he is now surrounded by Sen’s men. Jon is with them.
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I learned how to set up a scene that put our protagonist in mortal danger and release us momentarily before setting up the next anxiety driven moment.
INT. SERVER ROOM – NIGHT
The silhouette of Jun creeps down a long dark corridor of noisy computer servers. The room is illuminated by small LEDs built into the servers. Jun opens a small bag pulling out a laptop. The glow of the screen illuminates his face as he connects to the server’s access point. He begin typing, but stops to look around to see if he is alone.
A QR code pops up on his laptop and he scans it with a small data drive. The words “Transfer Complete”
JUN
That was easy.
He packs his bag and stands up to see a shadowy figure at the end of the hall.
JUN (CONT’D)
Oh shit!
Jun begins to run and the figure chases after him. Jun runs the labyrinth of servers avoiding the shadowy figure. Jun turns a corner to a dead end. Jun turns to face the shadowy figure, One (35) tall and muscular in ninja-like tactical gear holding a sword.
JUN (CONT’D)
Uh… since when do security guards carry swords?
One lifts the sword and charges at Jun. Jun ducks as the sword slashes the wall behind him causing a huge gash. Jun manages to slip around to the other side of One.
JUN (CONT’D)
Hey. You coulda killed me!
One lets out a creepy smile.
JUN (CONT’D)
Something tells me you are not a security guard.
Jun starts backing away now realizing that he is in real danger.
One swings the sword but Jun is able to maneuver without getting struck. Jun runs for a door but it locked.
SEN
(from an intercom)
There is no way out of here. This is my house.
Jun pulls out his practice Bamboo Kali Sticks.
SEN (CONT’D)
My friend One is special. In the normal world, he’d be what most call a serial killer. With me, he is a productive model citizen. Paycheck, house, family. You on the other hand are a criminal… stealing from me and my clients.
One approaches with sword in his hand. Jun readies his two Kali sticks in a defenses stance.
They clash is a series of expert swings. There are violent doges and deflections. Each time the sword chips away at Jun’s hard bamboo sticks.
One slices Jun’s shirt.
One swings again, June loses one of his Kali sticks as it breaks into two. Jun is left to fight with one that is badly battered.
One swings hard and backs Jun in into a corner. One over powers Jun, but Jun takes a step to the right and pulls One in with the stick and disarms him of the sword.
One quickly reaches for a gun in his holster and fires a round barely missing Jun. Jun whips his stick and disarms him of his gun. Jun whips his stick again and cracks ones skull. It’s lights out for One as he falls to the floor twitching.
Jun stands over One’s body stunned.
JUN
(to Sen)
I didn’t want to kill him.
SEN
(through an intercom)
That’s too bad. You’re a thief and a murder now. You are better than I thought. Unfortunately for you, you know too much. I can’t let you leave here with what you know.
Jun looks at his battle scarred practice Kali stick. It look as if they may not survive another round.
Suddenly, dark colored smoke fills the room.
He collects One’s gun and sword and searches for an exit.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Matthew Abaya.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by
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Danger ========================= Safety
After being chased, he finds refuge in a hidden spot.
New Threat ====================== Unexpected Support
Is about to be tortured by a sicko with a long arsenal of torture devices. His girlfriend and gang come to the rescue.
Plan Fails ========================Plan Succeeds
Escape plan fails and they fall in enemy hands because it was a trap all along. Friend dies.
Identity or Plan Exposed ============ Identity Hidden
Sen finds out who Jun is and why he wants to steal from him.
Deceived ====================== Surprising Truth
Jun’s friend set him up to get caught. There was no money to help sister.
Unexpected Weapon ============= Surprising Response
Left with only sticks from his Eskrima class. They become damaged but he is able to use to obtain a gun, but he doesn’t know how to shoot.
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I learned in this lesson to integrate tracks that makes us like and root for our character.
Character: Jun
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. Other people like or respect the character. – Has a loving girlfriend who is willing to show tough love beating his ass to make him a better eskrimador
B. The character shows love for something. – He shows a love for his girlfriend and his family (a sickly sister)
C. They’re trying to do something good. – Commit a crime to help his dying sister
D. Save the cat – rescue or do something good for someone else – on the way to accept an assignment, he stops a robber from assaulting and stealing from an old man.
E. Funny, humorous, witty. He is charming and has “punny” putdowns
F. Kindness. – he obviously cares for his family, girlfriend and community because it seems everyone knows him.
G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side. – He is stealing not for himself but to help someone. Has to choose saving his life verses saving someone he loves.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. Undeserved misfortune. Instead of getting arrested, a bounty is put on his head to kill him.
B. External Character conflicts.
C. Plot intruding on life. Sen finds out why Jun wants to get the drive and he is intent on letting time run out for his sister.
D. Moral dilemmas. Having to kill to survive, dieing would also kill his sisters only chance to survive
E. Forced decisions they’d never make. Stealing and killing
F. Wound attacked. Gets increasing hurt along the way.
JUSTIFICATION
A. The character or their family abused. His friend killed and he gets tortured for what he knows
B. Threatened by others.
C. The Hero is the victim of attacks. Everyone wants Jun dead.
D. They’ve suffered major losses. Loses best friend
E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.
OPENING:
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. Other people like or respect the character. – Has a loving girlfriend who is willing to show tough love beating his ass to make him a better eskrimador
B. The character shows love for something. – He shows a love for his girlfriend and his family (a sickly sister)
C. Save the cat – rescue or do something good for someone else – on the way to accept an assignment, he stops a robber from assaulting and stealing from an old man.
INCITING INCIDENT:
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
D. They’re trying to do something good. – Commit a crime to help his dying sister
G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side. – He is stealing not for himself but to help someone.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. Undeserved misfortune. Instead of getting arrested, a bounty is put on his head to kill him.
MIDPOINT
END OF SECOND ACT — TURNING POINT
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
C. Plot intruding on life. Sen finds out why Jun wants to get the drive and he is intent on letting time run out for his sister.
JUSTIFICATION
A. The character or their family abused. His friend killed and he gets tortured for what he knows
CRISIS
Captured and tortured to give up encryption to hard drive
CLIMAX
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY:
Is able to help sick family member
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In this lesson, I learned to organize the main tracks into the overall 3 act structure. OPENING:
V1: Sen and his men kill someone for a digital drive.
A 1: Fight between Jun and girlfriend, establishes his and her badassery. It was all for practice.
INCITING INCIDENT:
M 2: Breaks into a building to access a server. Loads a file with blockchain tech to hard drive.
V 2: Sen catches Jun trying to steal the file he killed for. Send in a badass guard to stop him.
M 3: Jun defeats guard and tries to leave the building, but it is blocked.
END OF FIRST ACT — TURNING POINT
M 4: Jun must get out of the building at all costs before time runs out.
MIDPOINT
A 2: Jun fights more guards
M 5: Jun plans escape with friend from outside.
A 3: Jun fights way to escape route, disables security to make a blind spot.
V 4: Sen kills Jun’s friend and foils plan to escape.
END OF SECOND ACT — TURNING POINT
V 5: Captured and interrogated to get code to unlock drive. Finds out more about the motivation of our hero.
CRISIS
Captured and tortured to give up encryption to hard drive
CLIMAX
Girlfriend rescues him with help of his martial arts school. Big Fight Between Jun and Sen
RESOLUTION
Finds out that the drive has something more valuable than money itself, but a cure for a dying relative. That’s why he needed the money for the job in the first place.
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I learned to organize my basic action scene into the 3 act structure. Being sure that this is easy to understand is critical in making a story that is easy to follow and doable in a Hollywood studio.
Opening: Jun is in full battle armor combat. Turns out he is fighting his girlfriend who is a little better than him. He is just training for class.
Inciting Incident: Jun accepts a job breaking in and hacking a server for a friend because he is in need of some money for a “serious problem”.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Sen has trapped Jun in a building. Jun must fight to survive
Mid-Point: devices a plan to escape with friends help
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: They are caught, kills friend.
Crisis: Jun is now being interrogated/tortured because he has the secret to unlock the drive he stole
Climax: When all hope is lost, there is a last min rescue from other friends. The final combat between Sen and Jun.
Resolution: The contents of the drive are revealed and it is more valuable than money, but a cure.
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Assignment 5: Action track
I learned that the action consists of very simple building blocks in order to elevate the story and the overall impactfulness of the movie.
Answer these questions to create your Action Track:
A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?
Gun, knives, swords, eskrima sticks,
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?
chasing/pursuit, fighting, shootout, rescue, competition (Sen is very competitive), dangerous situations, torture/interrogation
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?
Sen starts small when he underestimates how good Jun is at fighting and keeps upping the stakes with more men and better fighters. The building is rigged with things that could kill him like micro exploding drones, lasers rooms without escape. This all escalates to a final fight between Sen and Jun.
2. Select the types of action you’ll use.
Fight: Jun is stick fighting a cute young woman in a dojo. They are wearing full battle armor. It is later revealed after he loses that she is his girlfriend.
(Purpose: establishes he is a likeable guy who is pretty skilled at fighting although he needs work.)Fight: Jun is caught trying to steal the drive. He faces off with a guard who he quickly disarms his gun and fights off with his eskrima practice sticks. He accidentally kills him by cracking his skull.
(Purpose: Shows how lethal his fighting skills can be and that he is pretty capable of fighting.)Chase/Pursuit: Jun is outnumbered and is running for his life but there is no escape from the fortress he broke into.
(He must use his street smarts, hacking skills and stick fighting to get him out.)
Escape/Evade: He hides in a game room.
(This whole thing is a game to Sen and Jun must play this game through.)
Shootout: Jun is able to disarm a guard and use his weapon in a shootout. He can’t mount a good fight but it allows him to keep his distance on them.
(Although he was limited to the practice sticks be brought with him, it can be used to gain access to other weapons)
Rescue: His friend who hired him for the mission tries to break him out. They devise a plan to get him out of one of the waste disposal areas. Instead his friend is killed and Jun is captured.
(takes away all hope Jun can escape this.)
Interrogation/tortures: Sen tortures Jun to get him to break the drive’s encryption.
(as much as Sen wants to kill Jun, he can’t because he still has the key to unlock the drive. This is how we learn about Jun’s sick sister and this mission is his only hope to save her. Shows more of Sen’s sadistic nature.)
Rescue: Jun’s girlfriend with some help of his eskrima school break in to save Jun.
(As bad ass as Jun is, he has a whole community that got his back.)
Competition/Sen: Sen is competitive so he stands to fight instead of run. This is the final showdown of Sen and Jun.
(Sen loses at his own game design.)
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Assignment 4 Villain
What I learned doing this assignment is that the villain must have a clear plan and actions. This will keep the “action” flowing.
1. Ask the Villain Track questions to discover your Villain’s plan, decisions, and actions.
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? (The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.)
Sen already had a plan. He has already killed someone for a mysterious drive. His plan is to use “it” for a “nefarious purpose”. His plan is interrupted by Jun who was hired to steal it back. After seeing how ruthless Sen is about obtaining this object, we know what is in store for our hero.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?
Sen has military leadership and martial arts training. Sen has an arsenal of weapons and highly skilled fighters. Our hero can be trapped, sliced, shot, beaten, stabbed, burned, frozen, electrocuted and tortured.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?
Sen has control of the building and he has the high ground over Jun. Sen learns more about Jun’s motivation to help his sister and exploits it (trapping him in a building knowing it’s a race against time for him).
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?
Sen and Jun faceoff in a final battle where at the battles end, Jun gets the high ground and forces Sen to go through the rigors that he had to survive.
2. Include labels with each step of their plan.
Steals and Kills: Sen kills a man for a mysterious drive.
First attack: Sen Catches Jun in the act of trying to steal his precious drive. This is apparently foiling his plan so he sends a man to fight him. Jun is highly underestimated. Jun kills him with his practice sticks.
Traps: Sen traps Jun in the building and sends men to retrieve the drive. This sends Jun looking for other possible exits.
Second Attack: Sen sends more men with guns. Jun shows he is capable of fighting highly skilled fighters although overwhelmed. This enrages Sen and his bloodthirsty ways.
Chase: Sen chases Jun through the building.
Kills Again: Sen finds and kills Jun’s friend who hired him for the job after a botched rescue.
Blocks escape plan: Sen finds out why Jun wants the drive so bad.
Fake negotiate: Sen finds that Jun wants the drive to help his dying sister. Sen makes a fake deal, but reveals that both of them are on a time sensitive deadline. He’ll pay for her medical expenses if he gets it back. Jun agrees.
Tortures: Sen catches Jun and retrieves the drive. Sen is about to kill Jun but stops when he realises that the drive is fitted with Jun’s encryption. Without Jun, the drive is uncrackable. Sen promises that if he doesn’t give him the code, he will die painfully and starts to torture him.
Final fight: Jun is rescued by his girlfriend and friends at his martial arts school. This results in a melee and final fight between sen and Jun. Sen is defeated by his own weapons.
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Assignment 3
I learned how to set up the action and have clear motivations for the action that the only solution is action.
Clear Mission:
Wants to help his dying sister but ends up in an ultimate fight for survival for himself. His race for survival will also result in him not getting the cure to his sick sister.Motivation:
Wants to help his sister but ends up in an ultimate fight for survival for himself and her.Inciting Incident:
Jun get’s caught after breaking-in and hacking a safe.First Action:
Jun has to face one bad ass fighter armed only with fighting sticks he uses in his eskrima class. It was a tough fight but wins because he is skilled at it.Obstacle:
He finds out he is trapped in the building and more hunters are on the way. Jun must fight is way to get out to save his relative.Escalation:
After showing that he can fight and defeat his men, Sen, the leader, doubles down after underestimating Jun’s ability.Overwhelming Odds:
After disabling the security camera server and power to certain floors, he finds himself trapped with every possible exit of the building is blocked by unbeatable hunters armed with latest tech gear. He hides in a “secret party” room. Using stealth and a unique ability to hack the environment he is in, he takes the assassins, one by one.New Plan:
Kill the boss Sen. Find the secret room called Z.Full out Attack:
The fight to get to Sen is fierce. He gets injured along the way.Success:
Final epic battle between Jun and Sen. He saves the day for himself and his dying sister. -
I learned that all the hero and the villain need to have clearly defined goals and consequences for not achieving their goals.
Hero: Jun vs. Villian: Sen
Concept:
Hero Morally Right: Jun wants to earn some easy money to help a sick relative
Villain Morally Wrong: Sen wants to kill an innocent kid just because there is a contact on his head
Hero
A. Unique Skill Set: Jun is Streetwise hacker who studied Eskrima
B. Motivation: Jun wants to earn some cash to help sick relative
C. Secret or Wound: If Jun doesn’t get the money, a loved one will die
Villain
A. Unbeatable: Sen has unlimited resources of assassins and technology
B. Plan/Goal: Sen plans kill the hero so he doesn’t leak information he uncovered
C. What they lose if Hero survives: Sen’s payment and his reputation as the best in the business
Impossible Mission
A. Puts Hero in Action: a hacker job gone wrong, Jun is suddenly being hunted by Sen
B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: Armed with only his eskrima sticks and his ability to hack technology, Jun must fight an onslaught of Sen’s highly trained and skilled hit people.
C. Destroy the Villain: After defeating legions of hit people and foiling the plan in an epic chess like game, Jun must beat Sen in a final battle.
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I am Matthew Abaya and “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “Writing Killer Action Scripts” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,
disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this
program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.
3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts.
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Concept:
A streetwise hacker who practices eskrima (Philippine stick/sword fighting) takes a job to help his family but ends up being hunted for a mysterious file he uncovers.
Demand:
He is relentlessly hunted by a squad of assassins armed with the latest stealth tech designed to kill him. He must use his martial art abilities as well as his computer savviness to survive.
Mission:
He must find out why he is being hunted to survive.
Antagonist:
The leader of a hit squad hired to kill our hero.
Escalating Action:
He is sent to the gauntlet of tech and trained killers. For every fight won, something scarier comes.
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Hi I am Matthew, I have one feature length action horror film that was made into a movie. I hope to improve my writing and make action scenes tighter using better language to help communicate scenes. Aside of filmmaking, I really like making music and DJing during quarantine. I look forward.