[Matthew Frendo]

Matt's 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned in this class is how to structure a transformational journey that will hook the audience. I also learned how old ways and new ways help with this.

Concept: An aspiring social media enthusiast joins a prestigious influencer academy only to discover it’s a twisted cult, draining followers’ personalities.
Main conflict: Eve vs. the Influencer academy
Old ways: innocent, a fangirl, compassionate, full of human faults
New ways: blank, uncaring, 'on top of the world,' "perfect in every way'

Act 1:
• Opening – Protag is at event watching favorite influencer and wanting to be her, with a bunch of others. No real friends, she’s there alone.
• Inciting Incident – she randomly goes viral and gets offer to academy
• Turning Point – she arrives at academy (that’s on an island) and they take away phone, email and any way to connect with the outside world, for their security and to keep their influencer-making secrets safe. Her fav influencers are all weird and blank.
Act 2:
• New plan – tries to figure out why old influencers seem so weird and why she’s blanking out during her ‘classes.’
• Plan in action – follows her fav influencer, going where she isn’t supposed to.
• Midpoint Turning Point – she finds out how influencers go blank and give up their personality / soul for fame after seeing what happened to her role model, who is slowly going crazy behind closed doors. But she still doesn’t know why.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – pretends to be sick to get some time alone. Confides in new friends, who agree to help her
• New plan – steal a boat, get to outside world and tell everyone the truth
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – she can’t get out once she gets boat (maybe boat won’t go past a certain point without exploding) and she’s on her own, hiding out on island, injured
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – she tries to destroy it all (explosion, maybe?), and is about to make it off with friends when they turn on her, blank now themselves. She finds out the reason why (or maybe not).
• Resolution – ends up a drained automaton, with no personality or soul

• This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt's Subtext Plot

I want to be a fantastic writer who creates highly successful movies that are seen as thought-provoking, original and entertaining.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a deeper meaning to a story. I had to think long and hard (and even ask for help) figuring out the best one for this concept and realized how much more impactful a subtext is in the process.

Concept: An aspiring social media enthusiast joins a prestigious influencer academy only to discover it’s a twisted cult, draining followers’ personalities.

I am choosing layering. I will layer different mysterious elements throughout the script, revealing more and more of the cult's true agenda as I do.

I will also use someone hides who they are with the triangle character, as she's acting like she's perfect while slowly going insane in private.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt’s Subtext Plot

I want to be a fantastic writer who creates highly successful movies that are seen as thought-provoking, original and entertaining.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a deeper meaning to a story. I had to think long and hard (and even ask for help) figuring out the best one for this concept and realized how much more impactful a subtext is in the process.

Concept: An aspiring social media enthusiast joins a prestigious influencer academy only to discover it’s a twisted cult, draining followers’ personalities.

I am choosing layering. I will layer different mysterious elements throughout the script, revealing more and more of the cult’s true agenda as I do.

I will also use someone hides who they are with the triangle character, as she’s acting like she’s perfect while slowly going insane in private.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt's Transformational Journey

I want to be a fantastic writer who creates highly successful movies that are seen as thought-provoking, original and entertaining.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to tailor a transformation to perfectly fit a concept. I also learned how important it is to have both an internal and external transformation.

Arc beginning: Eve is a social media addict who worships influencers
Arc Ending: Eve is a blank influencer with no real personality or substance

Internal journey: happy and naive to blank and soulless
External journey: social media addict who worships influencers to blank, soulless influencer

Old ways:
-social media addict
-caring
-happy
-naive

New ways:
-blank slate
-materialistic
-soulless
-amoral and uncaring

• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Matthew Frendo.
• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Matthew Frendo.
• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt's Intentional Lead Characters

I want to be a fantastic writer who creates highly successful movies that are seen as thought-provoking, original and entertaining.

I learned how important it is to have characters that fit the story. They can't just be great characters, but ones that will move the story forward in the most compelling way possible.

I also realized my story may be better as a dramatic triangle then simply protagonist vs. antagonist.

Protagonist:
Eve: A college failure who wants out of her crappy, mundane life and who loses herself in social media. Her rant about her job goes viral, making her an icon to people who never cared about her before. Once she finds out the truth about the cult, she has to confront her obsession with fame and social media, while also coming to terms about her feelings about the people who treated her like shit her whole life.
Unique: her authenticity and coming from a poor family makes her different from other influencers, most of whom are born rich. She also has a great bullshit detector because of her rough upbringing.
Intentional: she has to decide between keeping her real self with a hard life or selling it out for fame and love from others.

Antagonist:
Darius: a tech idea thief who thinks himself as a modern messiah. He believes what he's doing is good because it gives him control of people so he can make them peaceful and better. HIs goal is to make an entire cult of empty people who must do as their told, in order to end all problems in the world and change it to the image he saw in an acid-induced vision.
Unique: a tech titan whose ego is even bigger than real life tech founder's, who actually believes his own story. He's an expert at pushing someone's insecurities until they're begging for themselves to be 'set free' (which is destroyed into an empty shell).
Intentional: He's the ultimate success in today's tech world–rich, egotistical, without morals and 'influential.' With his PR in place, he's also the opposite of Eve, as nothing is raw and everything is perfectly in place and controlled.

Triangle:
Sloane: a seasoned influencer whose run is coming to an end after being aged out. She is now alone and empty. She acts as Eve's mentor, but is slowly going crazy from everything she was put through..
Unique: She is conflicted. She wants her fame back, but also hates fame because it took her real self from her. She also wants a more meaningful life, but has no idea where to look except fame.
Intentional: She is a mentor to Eve, acts like she's helping Darius, all while using both for her own insane agenda. Her actions will force the two to confront each other.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey guys!

Sorry I’m so late to the party. I literally just sold my first script as this class was starting and had to focus on producer rewrites before jumping in to this.

I want to be a fantastic writer who creates highly successful movies that are seen as thought-provoking, original and entertaining.

What I learned doing this assignment was how much easier an outline can make the writing process. Seeing the whole picture so easily will make it much easier to make necessary changes or scope out weak points before the actual writing begins. This will help create a compelling story and get rid of problems early on.

Title: THE INFLUENCER DEATHSTYLE
Concept: An aspiring social media enthusiast joins a prestigious influencer academy only to discover it’s a twisted cult, draining followers’ personalities.
Character structure: protagonist vs. antagonist

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi guys, I’m Matt. Sorry for joining up so late. I sold my first script just as the class was starting and had to focus on the producer notes and rewrite for it. I’ve written a number of scripts and have decided on horror as my main genre. I hope to become a great horror writer through this class. Something unusual about me is I was a Philosophy major in college and am interested in pagan religions.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo
I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt's Rom-Com Project
What I learned doing this assignment is how a rom-com actually is structured and what elements are most important for the script.

Create your Concept and Conventions

1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.

Two People Who Belong Together: both come from crime families…but secretly want out to live a normal life

How Are They Separated: come from different crime families

What Forces Them together: stuck in snowstorm during Christmas

Issues to be Resolved: families hate each other, they've learned to hate the other family growing up, crime issues

On Their Journey of Love: the steps of getting to know the real person and opening themselves up to the other

2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.

Experience of Falling In Love:

The Journey of Love: from meeting when hiding from cops to getting together to help their families to being stuck together after truth comes out to really knowing and loving each other

Relationship Set-up: both are hiding their true reasons in the beginning, but grow in trust and have the same values deep down.

Issues each must Resolve: she needs to be more open because she is heartless; He needs to be stronger because he is too weak;

Separation: their families hate each other and are literally in a war against each other

How will Comedy be Expressed: families that want to murder each other having to be in same room at the most festive time of the year. the couple finding out truth about each other and lies are exposed.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo
I agree to the release form below.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment was that the second-main character is often the opposite of the main character, which adds constant tension and unpredictability (BREAKING BAD: UPTIGHT TEACHER AND DRUGGIE FUCKUP, WEDNESDAY: INDEPENDENT GIRL WHO’S GOOD AT EVERYTHING AND NEEDY GIRL WHO CAN’T MORPH).

EDIN from WEDNESDAY

A. Role in the show:

Edin: bubbly, needy, super social semi-outcast werewolf who ends up being Wednesday’s roommate

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Expertise: Knows everyone and all the gossip, good with people

Purpose: To be popular and have friends and happiness

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Can’t fully morph, so is somewhat ostracized and fears being alone, but hides that part of herself. Secretly helping Wednesday in her investigation.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Helps Wednesday secretly investigate. Violates Wednesday’s moral codes, pushing her to be more social and have fun.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

What will she do to push Wednesday more into social situations? What will she do that will get under Wednesday’s skin?

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Outcast from family and other wolves for not being able to morph. Likes guy who doesn’t show up. Socially awkward, but really nice.

Main:

Evelyn “Eve” Nightshade: The reluctant chosen one with the ability to communicate with spirits, who is haunted by a traumatic past event connected to the vengeful entity, which led to the death of her parents.

Cindy – possession ‘host,’ but has trouble controlling it

Clyde – poltergeist power, skinny, super intellectual

Miss Victoria – house mother, always young, but can never be in love

EVE

A. Role in the show:

Haunted girl who believes she killed her parents after an encounter with an evil entity

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Expertise: Can communicate with spirits, but who often can’t get them out of her head. She also has visons of the future that she can’t control.

Purpose: To come to terms with what she did to parents and use her power for good.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Guilt over parents. Belief that an evil entity was in her head that night.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

She will cross any legal or ethical boundary, short of murder, to achieve her goals. She will break the orphanage’s code and even go beyond her capabilities. But she tries to stay away from darkness, afraid.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Seen as “crazy” by others. Sometimes sees what others can’t and acts on it without thinking.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Unbelievable guilt over parents death. Goes into pain when she can’t control communication with spirits. Ostracized from most schoolmate, who think she’s dangerous.

CINDY

A. Role in the Show:

Eve’s best friend, who she can trust and who helps her

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Expertise: Is a “host” for possessions and can let entities enter her, and likes what she can learn from them.

Purpose: To help Eve figure things out and be part of the world again

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Often speaks to ‘evil’ spirits and learns from them.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Willing to deal with ‘evil’ spirits and go to dark places.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Likes to live on the knife edge between good and evil (shade of grey). Will do anything if she thinks she’s in the right.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Been in orphanage since birth, because no parents would ever take her due to parents being famous murderers.

CLYDE

A. Role in the show:

Friend of Eve with huge crush on her, helps her with academic things

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Expertise: Can turn into a poltergeist and control electricity, highly smart in science

Purpose: To be there for Eve and survive until 18 in the orphanage

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

He is trying new spells and ways to concoct magic, without orphanage knowing.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Breaking rules with magic, willing to control people with magic if called for

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Full of secret rage from getting bullied and abandoned, but doesn’t show it

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

‘Nerd’ who’s picked on constantly. Very loyal to his friends.

MISS VICTORIA

A. Role in the show:

Their caretaker, who works at the orphanage

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Expertise: Never ages, so she is 277 years old, but only looks 27. But, due to her power, she can never fall in love without the person turning into stone. Been at orphanage for a long time. Witch.

Purpose: To guide the kids and help them deal with powers

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

She seems to have a plan of her own, with the headmaster, and knows more than she lets on

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Lying to kids about what she knows and some stuff about them. Willing to use magic to achieve her ends.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Don’t know her true agenda or where her true loyalty lies.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Can’t ever be in love. Had lover die due to it and never got over him.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt’s 3 Circles of Characters:

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create characters that populate a show and make it intriguing. I also learned pairing opposites together can create a feeling that keeps an audience watching (like Wednesday and Enid).

Assignment 1

For Wednesday:

Main Circle: Wednesday, Enid, Thing, Thorpe

Connected Circle: Bianca, Thornill, Larissa, Tyler, Her Parents, the Sheriff, Eugene

Environmental Circle: other students, other teachers, townspeople, victims

Assignment 2

Main:

Evelyn “Eve” Nightshade: The reluctant chosen one with the ability to communicate with spirits, who is haunted by a traumatic past event connected to the vengeful entity.

Cindy – possession host, but has trouble controlling it

Clyde – poltergeist power, skinny, super intellectual

Miss Victoria – house mother, always young, but can never be in love

Connected:

Jerry – bully, top witchcraft power

Charisma – neighborhood kid who thinks they’re freaks

Doctor Morgan Blackwood – orpanage’s psychologist specializing in supernatural trauma. Dr. Blackwood assists the main characters in dealing with the psychological toll of their abilities

Cecilia – prettiest girl in orphanage, enchanter

Jenna – vampire, crush on lead, picked on for being overweight

Alison – can cause hallucinations, out of control when she gets stressed, Clyde’s sister

David Everett – leader of orphanage, shapeshifter

The Shape – teacher, incomprehensible, Lovecraftian

‘Detective’ Harold – paranormal investigator, trying to figure out what’s happening

Environment Circle

other orphans, workers in orphanage, kids outside of orphanage, visiting possible parents and adults

[Matthew Frendo]

WEDNESDAY 5-Star Model

What I learned from doing this assignment was just how much goes into a binge worthy show. One interesting aspect I picked up on that I hadn’t before was that a show should have both plot loops (like the murder mystery). AS WELL AS emotional loops (will she make friends and find her place at the school).

1. Big Picture Hooks
   Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?

An odd and morbid teen must solve the murders happening at her magical school and how they involve her, before she ends up dead herself.

2. Amazing and Intriguing
   Character
   Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Wednesday is morbid, uncompromising, and brilliant…yet has no way to make friends and deep down wants to connect.

3. Empathy / Distress
   Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for
   these characters?

Wednesday is put in a school she hates and always feels alone in the world, and now must solve murders before she becomes a victim.

4. Layers / Open Loops
   Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only
   be answered by watching the entire season?

Will Wednesday get killed? How is she a part of this weird prophecy picture and how does that tie into murders? Is her dad a murderer and how does that fit in? Who is the killer and why are they killing?

5. Inviting Obsession
   Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

How will Wednesday save herself, find out the truth, deal with her father’s possible murdering act, all while being a complete morbid outcast at her new school?

[Matthew Frendo]

1. Name? Matthew Frendo

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Too many to count

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To learn how to create TV better, since I’ve mainly worked on features, and how to use AI in the right way.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’ve always been really into horror, but just started focusing on that genre recently.

5. What ProSeries, Writing Incredible Movies, or Binge Worthy TV class you were in. The last ProSeries class to be held. I forget which Binge Worthy number I was in, but it was a few years back.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Title: UNSURE

Genre: Horror

Logline: A group of spoiled, rich brats are sent to a summer camp for the ‘elite’…where they will learn to be the next business leaders of America by committing mass murder.

Synopsis:

We open with a variety of kids complaining about summer camp. We have the leftist techie, the macho USA boy, the party-girl cheerleader, a Middle Eastern oil baron’s child, etc. All super rich and pissed about going to camp. Also, all are 16 years old.

They get to camp and are split into groups. The groups are given specific tasks. But our main group sees something odd and tries to investigate. They keep investigating as they do tasks, almost getting caught each time. Finally, they realize it…

They are there to be murder victims! They try to play it off at the next meeting, but the cheerleader screams and runs. They all follow.

They are caught in the woods. They are then put into a pit with a vicious creature and their fears are coming to life. But they end up killing the beast.

Then they find out they weren’t there to be victims, but to learn to kill. Each group is then given a scavenger hunt list…of human body parts to retrieve…from each other!

The groups go to battle with each other. Our group wins in the end, with only one other group. They nod to each other, full of blood, as the audience (family, friends) clap for the next generation of world leaders.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew’s Horror Writing Sample Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is what it takes to create a strong writing sample. It needs to correspond to the genre perfectly and show the best one has to offer. It is a calling card of sorts. Knowing this info and using it wisely can help me achieve success.

SETUP:

Wendy and her friends have used their newfound magic to make themselves kings of the school. They’ve gotten so popular that Wendy was just asked on her first date. But there’s a plot in the works that she’s not expecting…

INT. EVAN’S CAR – NIGHT

Evan and Wendy sit in his car on the top of a cliff. They can see the whole city below them, twinkling. Behind them is a secluded forest area.

WENDY

This is beautiful.

Evan is not smiling or happy. He seems strangely nervous.

EVAN

Yeah, totally.

He keeps looking at the rearview.

WENDY

So, like, thanks for taking me out. It’s kind of embarrassing, but this is my first date.

EVAN

Oh God, please don’t say that.

WENDY

Sorry. I mean…no one has been nice to me before and it’s kind of…nice I guess. Damn, I sound like a nerd–

She looks at Evan and sees tears in his eyes.

WENDY

Evan, what–?

EVAN

I’m sorry. It wasn’t my idea.

Then two cars and one truck behind them shine their highbeams. Wendy turns to Evan – and sees he has a gun on her. He’s crying even harder.

EVAN

I didn’t want to do it.

Wendy looks at him, scared and confused.

WENDY

Evan, what’s–

Then the door opens suddenly and two JOCKS pull Wendy from the car.

Amber leans in to Evan.

AMBER

You did good, babe. Knew you had it in you.

Then she takes the gun from him.

EXT. CLIFFSIDE – NIGHT

Wendy is starting to concentrate when Amber cocks the gun at her, looking serious.

Besides Amber and Evan, two other jocks and two more cheerleaders are there as well.

AMBER

I don’t know how your little witch shit works, but you better keep those eyes open.

WENDY

You’re going to freaking shoot me?

Amber starts crying.

AMBER

I don’t want to. Do you think I wanted this? I said I’d let it go. But you wouldn’t stop. You just kept going. And now, I’m a fucking fattie!

One of the jocks giggles. Amber manically waves the gun around.

AMBER

Shut up! Just shut up!

(back to Wendy)

Do you see? Do you see the hell you made of my life?

Amber breaks down, falling to her knees while crying hysterically. Just as Wendy moves forward, Amber jumps to her feet again, even angrier, and points the gun at her.

AMBER

Unless a fucking witch did it!

EVAN

Amber, it’s gone far enough.

AMBER

Did she ruin your life? No? Then shut the fuck up!

Amber cocks the gun.

CHEERLEADER #1

I thought we were just scaring her.

AMBER

It’s not enough.

Amber then points the gun directly at Wendy, smiling.

AMBER

I never knew I’d like this so much. This is for all the cool people you losers hurt when–

But she stops. Because the gun in her hand is turning slowly. And she’s not doing it.

AMBER

What are you fucking doing, witch?

Everyone looks at Wendy, who is just watching, astonished.

The gun keeps turning, Amber now trying to control it with both hands. Nothing works, as it keeps moving.

AMBER

Someone help me! I can’t stop it! And this witch is doing it somehow, even though she–

The gun is now aiming at Amber’s face. She is trying to move her face away from it, with no luck.

AMBER

Is someone going to fucking do–

BLAM!

A bullet blows Amber’s head off, splattering brain all over one of her cheerleader friends.

CHEERLEADER #1

Aah!

Her friend screams as Amber’s body drops. Then it’s silent.

Eerily silent.

CHEERLEADER #2

(to Wendy)

Did you–?

The cheerleader motions to Amber.

WENDY

I didn’t do anything. How could I–

JOCK #1

Aah!

One of the jocks is thrown off the cliff – with no one there to push him.

JOCK #2

What? How?

They look at Wendy, who is just as surprised as they are.

CHEERLEADER #1

Guys, I don’t think it’s her.

JOCK #2

That means–

CHEERLEADER #1

–someone else is here.

There is a moment of silence as they all look around – then loud cackling laughter comes from the trees.

WHOOSH! A tree limb goes right through Jock #2, then rises back to its normal place, leaving his body stuck high in the tree branches.

The only two left are the two cheerleaders. They both turn to Wendy, petrified.

CHEERLEADER #2

Whatever we did, I’m so sorry! We wanted to tell someone about the well–

CRACK! Her neck breaks before she can finish.

CHEERLEADER #1

Aah!

The last cheerleader screams as she makes a run for it. She runs to her car, and tries to stop.

But she can’t.

CHEERLEADER #1

What is happening? Stop!

She tries to stop her legs again, but they keep going.

Then she sees what’s in front of her. Two big bear traps, one after the other.

She runs right into the first trap, which closes around her leg, breaking it in two.

It makes her fall right into the second. The jaws of the second trap close around her head and neck, killing her.

Then a person walks in front of a petrified Wendy, dark hood and cloak covering their head.

HILDA

(under cloak)

Those were set up perfectly, if I do say so myself.

Hilda takes off her hood, smiling at Wendy.

Wendy looks at the bodies all around and throws up.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Hilda is leading Wendy through the forest.

HILDA

I knew there was another witch in town, you see? I can sense these things.

WENDY

Uh-huh. Where are we going?

HILDA

To the ritual sacrifice, of course.

Wendy stops immediately. Hilda cackles in laughter.

HILDA

Sorry, witch humor. We are coming up to my cabin now.

They keep walking and after passing a few more trees, they come to a small, wooden cabin.

HILDA

Here we are. Come inside and get cleaned up.

INT. HILDA’S CABIN – NIGHT

Hilda’s cabin is a mess…and that’s putting it lightly. Scattered books, ritual items, magazines, food trays all litter the place. You can barely see the floor.

Hilda wipes some unspecified substance from a chair in front of a small dining table and motions for Wendy to sit.

HILDA

Sorry it’s a tad messy.

Wendy sits, looking around at the place. As she does, Hilda goes to a cauldron and puts a ladle-full of some reddish liquid in an old mug.

She sets it in front of Wendy.

HILDA

Drink, drink. It will help you feel better.

Wendy looks in the mug, uncertain.

HILDA

I just killed five people in front of you. If I wanted you dead, my dear child, you’d be dead.

Wendy takes a drink and ends up coughing, disgusted. Hilda cackles at Wendy’s face.

HILDA

No one said witch recipes taste good.

Hilda sits in a seat next to her, all smiles. As if she didn’t just murder five people.

HILDA

So, how is the magic going?

WENDY

(weirded out)

Okay, I guess. Til tonight–

HILDA

Don’t worry about tonight. After you learn, you can do the same.

WENDY

(astonished)

Do the same? You killed people! A lot of people–

Hilda cuts her off, very serious now.

HILDA

Do you know what kids like that become? Kids who enjoy hurting others, who get five people together to kill one innocent girl?

Wendy slowly shakes her head no.

HILDA

They become adults who rape the planet and scourge the Earth and hurt all the good people in it. Am I supposed to be sad that they won’t be around to do that any longer?

Wendy shrugs, uncertain.

HILDA

This! This is why you need a teacher!

WENDY

I…wait, what?

Hilda cackles again, getting up and pacing.

HILDA

Yes, yes, you need a teacher. One who can show you how to keep yourself alive. I can do that!

Before Wendy can answer, Hilda is pacing faster, getting more and more involved in what she’s saying.

HILDA

I can show you how to survive and become even stronger! It will be good to have an apprentice. I have been alone for too long and with me and her and the book, we should have no problems at all! It will be grand!

WENDY

I don’t need a teacher–

She stops, thinking.

WENDY

Wait, how do you know about the book?

Hilda stops pacing, coming back to reality. And she laughs a throaty, dark laugh.

HILDA

I got carried away. Overenthusiasm has always been my weakness. How do I know about the book? My dear child, I gave all I could to learn it’s secrets.

She starts to take off her left glove.

HILDA

I had it for a mere thirteen hours over two decades ago. It was the best time of my life. But still, I wasn’t enough for it.

She takes off her glove and shows that every finger except for her thumb is cut off and gone.

HILDA

I sacrificed what I thought it wanted. And I never got nearly as far as you did.

Wendy is looking at the deformed hand, as Hilda starts stuffing her stump back into the glove.

WENDY

You cut your freaking fingers off just to read a book?

Hilda scoffs.

HILDA

I gave these fingers to just open the book. The rule is only someone like Holan can open it. I thought that meant someone who would sacrifice as he did.

(a meditative beat)

But alas, it is not so. The book does not want sacrifice. It wants someone like Holan.

HILDA

This cave–it did not say who created the book?

Wendy shrugs noncommittally.

WENDY

Some guy who didn’t like other people.

Hilda chuckles.

HILDA

That is a small extent of who Holan was.

BEGIN FLASHBACK

EXT. DESERT – DAY

A lone figure obscured in a dark cloak walks alone in a desert with nothing as far as the eye can see.

HILDA (V.O.)

During the reign of the Ottoman Empire, a dark wizard lived by the name of Holan. Holan was born without parents. Back then, that meant he was forced into the life of a beggar.

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

A child begs in a crowded street. He looks into his dingy cup and sees a measly two coins.

HILDA (V.O.)

Holan hated begging. And after a while, he started looking around. At all the happy people who didn’t have a care in the world, solely because they were born to the right parents or because they were considered attractive to the opposite sex.

The boy looks at people with suspicion and anger.

HILDA (V.O.)

After a while, he started to hate them.

A large shadow eclipses the boy.

HILDA (V.O.)

That’s when a master named Raynak the Merciless found him. He showed him the ways of dark justice. After a while, Holan killed Raynak to take his power. And made a spell book of his own. One that would grant greater power than ever before, but only to those he judged as worthy.

END FLASHBACK

Hilda sits and talks as Wendy listens intently.

HILDA

Even its lock is infused with magic. It will only open when touched by one who has the necessary qualities to do what must be done to make things right. Right in the Holan sense, not in the sense of our weak modern morality.

Wendy thinks on what she heard.

WENDY

What qualities?

Hilda looks at her softly.

HILDA

A compassion big enough to fill an entire universe–

Then her look turns evil.

HILDA

–and a viciousness fierce enough to cause terror amongst God himself.

WENDY

That sounds–

But she can’t finish.

WENDY’S POV

Things get blurry and woozy.

END POV

WENDY

What–?

HILDA

This cave. Where is it? Tell me now! Quickly!

WENDY

Well–what’s happening–?

HILDA

Stupid Hilda! You did it too quickly!

Then Wendy falls to the floor, unconscious.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is what decisions will be important to producers and for success. This will help me know what to focus on in the future.

Genre Horror

Title CLASS WARFARE

Concept When a group of forgotten orphans start using magic to take their abusers down, they think their problems are solved – but their actions end up launching a war and the newfound witches must escape a panicked mob that wants to end their existence forever.

Audience Teens, Horror Fans

Budget $10-$15 mil

Lead Characters Mainly focuses on a group of 4 friends, but main character is a quiet girl who has been abused her whole life who finds out she’s more powerful than she knows.

Journey / Character Arc Quiet, timid orphan into badass, powerful witch.

Opening / Ending Opening: Protagonist (meek abused orphan) has first day at school for the ‘elite’ after getting scholarship and is naively in awe of all the ‘cool’ people around her. We also see an older witch destroy a boy who insulted her to introduce the horror aspect.

Ending: The once-meek orphan is now a powerful witch who confronts the people she thought were ‘cool’ as they try to burn her friends at the stake. She destroys everybody, including herself, to get her new family out alive.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Specialty Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is how to see and examine the conventions of a genre (HORROR). This will help me create scripts that SELL and GET MADE. It will help me become a master of the genre. I also learned that there are many different ways to fulfill these conventions.

I’ve decided to go with HORROR.

Genre: HORROR<div>

Title: CANDYMAN (2021)

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

The main character was alone in experiencing the Candyman’s transformation. The others don’t believe him, making him alone. Both death and insanity are feared. It had a strong ‘monster’ in Candyman. It put the character in worse and worse situations. The film actually drifted farther from normal reality as it went on. There is a moral statement about racism, gentrification and America made clear at the end.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

I starts decades ago, when a kid sees a man he thinks is Candyman and screams. This sets up fear. It comes out later that police wrongfully killed the man. An artist gets a showing at a good exhibit because he’s dating a girl who works there. He hears about the Candyman legend and what happened in the earlier film. He investigates and meets someone who explains it to him. He makes an art exhibit about Candyman. Though many don’t appreciate it, the Candyman comes out that night and kills two people (this is the beginning of the fear of death). That brings the press and makes him famous. A bee sting grows on his hand and he starts seeing visions and doing paintings he can’t explain (starts departure from reality). The Candyman legend grows more from it, as things get worse and weird for the protagonist (this leads to him feeling he may be going insane). He finds out that he was almost a victim as a baby in the earlier film (high tension). He finally gets kidnapped by the earlier resident, who explains he did it all to bring Candyman back to protect the neighborhood from white supremacy. The police come in and wrongfully kill the protagonist. They then try to get his girlfriend to go along with their story, but she calls Candyman who kills them all. (The moral is stated in section above)

Genre: HORROR

Title: THE BLACK PHONE

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

Character is isolated by being kept alone in basement. Kids are being taken, which brings fear of death…this grows as he finds out what the villain did to past victims. The Grabber is the monster/villain. The situation grows more and more tense for protagonist as he tries to escape and angers the antagonist. The kid hears voices of other victims on phone, taking us out of reality. Moral statement is that one needs to stand up for themselves.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

Kids are being taken in the neighborhood. The protagonist is a kid who is bullied and his friends are being taken (fear of death). His sister has visions that come from dreams, but their father wants her to forget about them. Finally, the protagonist is kidnapped by the Grabber (monster / villain) and kept in a basement (isolated). He’s unsure what to do, when a broken down phone in the room rings. He hears an earlier victim on the line, who gives him a hint on how to survive / escape (departure from reality). He tries to escape in various ways, while also hearing portions of the horror the Grabber put earlier victims through (high tension). Finally, his best friend who was killed comes on the phone and teaches him to fight. At the same time, his sister has a vision and tells the cops. The protagonist ends up standing up for himself for the first time and kills the Grabber, just as cops arrive and find that the villain has been burying bodies in the house across the street. (The moral is stated in the section above)

</div>

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Credibility is Going Up!

What I learned doing this assignment is that while I have done well figuring out my credibility in the recent Masterclass, there are some things I need to do.

Much of this, such as the LinkedIn page, was done during Masterclass, so i’m doing well in certain areas. However, I do need ot start adding producers on LinkedIn on a usual basis again. I also need to network to meet more people. But the main focus for now is creating a strong writing sample. I went ahead and found a 5-page scene that should work. I now need to rewrite it until it’s as strong as can be.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew’s Project and insights.

Tell us the two projects you’re bringing into this class and give us a budget range for each; each project must be:

a. An idea that you would like to create. A horror-comedy project that I started outlining in the horror class.

b. A finished script.

Title: CLASS WARFARE

Genre: Horror

Logline: When a group of forgotten orphans start using magic to take their abusers down, they think their problems are solved – but their actions end up launching a war and the newfound witches must escape a panicked mob that wants to end their existence forever.

Tell us what you learned from the opening teleconference. I learned how to create a strong writing sample.

[Matthew Frendo]

1. Name? Matthew Frendo

2. How many scripts you’ve written? A bunch, but only 4-5 are completed with rewrites.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To learn how to get paid writing assignments.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I was a Philosophy major in college.

[Matthew Frendo]

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Query Letter Draft ONE

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to use hooks to create an engaging query letter. This will help me market scripts in the future.

Hey guys! So, I have three versions below. Please let me know which you think works best and why. Thanks!

Alicia wondered what monster they would vote in to kill her next…

She and the other players already took out two. First time in history it’s ever happened. And the assholes in power have to be getting worried…and pissed. Either way…

She knew she was going to die.

In 30 years of sacrifice matches, only one person ever survived. And he was way tougher than any of them were. All she wanted now was for her son to be proud when she did finally meet her end…even if it means he never finds out the truth. God, she hoped he never found out the truth.

Because that would be the only thing worse than being ripped apart alive while the whole world cheers…

Every criminal that was forced in got killed – so, why would a 24-year old girl join voluntarily?

It’s because they didn’t know – and never could. Alicia would rather die. She looked at the troopers’ faces around her, staring impassively ahead as they took her to the sacrifices. Only one thought crossed her mind—

I wonder what monster social media voters will send in to kill me?

Though she didn’t know it yet, these sacrifices were going to be the most painful, excruciating and heartbreaking experience of Alicia’s life…

And they’ll be the thing that turns her into the hero she never thought she could be.

(Two opening hooks here…not sure which is best to use)

What if Hunger Games was a horror movie? Or Flashing lights. A charismatic host. Now, this is what you call a sacrifice!

After 30 years of sacrifice matches, crime has been eliminated from society. And that’s why the system was switched to social media voting. Now, the unpopular, outcasts and weirdos are on the chopping block. And that’s how Alicia found herself on the way to be sacrificed. Only one thought kept going through her head—

I wonder what monster they’ll vote in to kill me?

Will it be vampires? Loch ness monster? Freaking killer mermaids? Only two things were certain…they’ll be violent and she’ll be killed. Then she thought of her son, hidden away with her abusive mother. She thought about her mother exposing the truth about him to the world….

And knew she had to find a way to get out, even if it meant everyone else dying…

[Matthew Frendo]

V2 – thanks for the help everyone!

Also, I’ve been having trouble with a title, but I’m thinking:

LIGHTS! CAMERA! SACRIFICE!

Any thoughts are welcome…

Alicia knew was that she was on her way to die…

30 years of sacrifice matches have eliminated crime from society – but not the public’s bloodlust. To quench it, outcasts and weirdos are now on the chopping block and the judicial system has switched to social media voting. And that’s how Alicia found herself on the way to be sacrificed. Only one thought kept going through her head—

I wonder what monster they’ll send in to tear me apart?

She shivered, thinking of the horrific beasts they have created throughout the years. Then she thought of her son, watching his mother get mutilated and ripped to pieces while their neighbors cheered along.

And she knew she had to find a way to get out, even if it meant every other captive dying a miserable death…

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt’s Project and Market

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned the beginnings of marketing the script. This will help me understand the market better, as well as how to navigate through it.

LOGLINE: After the judicial system is switched to social media voting, a group of z-list influencers and offbeat outcasts must survive the Monster Hunt, as the audience votes on the creatures sent in to kill them.

MOST ATTRACTIVE: finding out which monsters will come next, seeing how the group finds new ways of killing them, group of outcasts coming together to survive, social commentary aspect

TARGET: Probably a producer or actor first.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Ready for Critique!

LOGLINE: After the judicial system is switched to social media voting, a group of z-list influencers and offbeat outcasts must try to survive the monster hunt, as the audience votes on the creatures sent in to kill them.

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

HALLWAY

The place is trashed, with dead bodies on the ground mixed in with garbage and overall griminess. Messy gang graffiti lines the walls. What is this hellhole?

BLAM! A man comes crashing out of a door on one side of the hallway, out of breath. This is PACO, a hulking menace covered in tattoos, carrying a baseball bat with a spike in it. He collapses against the wall, exhausted.

CLICK. Then, out of the other door, stumbles SPENCER. He’s even bigger than Paco, with a military-cut and an aura of viciousness. He tightly grips a rusty chain like it’s a massive rosary for the damned.

Did I mention both were covered in blood? And I mean head-to-toe covered. It’s even in their eyes and hair.

The two look at each other and lock eyes.

HOST (V.O.)

Here we are, folks. The final moment of final moments has come upon us.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The HOST (50’s), in a fancy Armani suit and oozing charisma, is the only thing illuminated on an all-black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper to the hidden audience.

HOST

The two most vicious and bloodthirsty murderers left in the world are about to meet up for the last time. Both gangs have been annihilated in the just ten minutes. They’re all that’s left of the world’s prison population. And we’re watching their brutal end with our very eyes.

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

PACO and SPENCER step up to each other. They look each other up and down–then Paco breaks down into hysterical tears.

PACO

I don’t want to die like this, man! Charlie had his fucking intestines ripped out by that thing…

(NOTE: THIS IS THE END OF PAGE 1)

He shudders. Spencer starts quivering.

SPENCER

This isn’t fair. Nothing we did deserves this.

PACO

Fuck, ain’t nothing could deserve this shit!

SPENCER

I just want to go home.

PACO

Maybe if we find a good enough place to hide–

DING!–From the building’s elevator, down a perpendicular hallway from where they’re standing.

They both tremble in fear.

PACO

Is that–

SPENCER

It can’t be. It can’t use an elevat–

Then they hear a low, growling sound from the elevator as the door slowly opens, enveloped in darkness.

All we make out is a massive, dark shape…and bright yellow eyes. It growls louder and just watches.

It almost sounds like it’s laughing at them.

They stand, frozen. Spencer drops the chain absentmindedly.

SPENCER

It’s too late.

PACO

I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.

Then–RAAAARRRRR!–the dark shape roars–

The run! Through the door Spencer came out of. The two dip down a–

SECOND HALLWAY

–slipping in blood as they go.

Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.

PACO

Fuck! One of these gotta be open!

ROARRRR! GRRRR!

The beast gets closer and the two sprint as fast as they can down the hall. The beast speeds up after them.

SPENCER

Where we gonna–

CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Spencer’s body fly past us–completely torn apart.

Paco gets to a wall and there’s nowhere to go.

He turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.

He looks at a video camera on the wall.

SPENCER

Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

The beast is now getting closer, walking slowly towards him.

He cries, eyes pleading for mercy. Then he hardens up and–

WHAM! Rams the nail in his bat right into his own forehead. Blood trickles down as the body crumples to the ground.

HOST (V.O.)

And stop there.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.

HOST

We cut to the intro and then live on me.

EDITOR #1

(smiling)

Last year was so gruesome.

HOST

Exactly. Whet their appetite for what come’s next.

EDITOR #2

Won’t that just put pressure on us to bring on even more carnage this time?

HOST

Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down? Now, how are the players looking this year?

INT. BIKER BAR – DAY

SINCLAIR (50’s) is a hard looking biker. He takes a shot and sees the wristband he’s wearing starts flashing colors.

SINCLAIR

Fuck me.

He watches in the upper mirror as the authorities slowly approach. As they get close–

SMASH! He bashes one over the head with a bottle. WHAM! He slams another’s head into the bar. BAM! He headbutts another.

More men enter and try to take him down. He throws them off and is about to run when–

BZZZ! He’s tased and falls to the ground shaking.

INT. JOSH’S ROOM – DAY

JOSH (30’s), overweight and bespectacled, sits at a desk messy with food wrappers, pot and books. He finishes typing something out on his computer, then he talks to his webcam.

JOSH

This bitch made my life hell all through high school. All I had to do was hack into her phone, her boyfriend’s phone and her mother’s work computer and I found something that will get her canceled for sure–

BOOM! He hears a door bust open and people come in upstairs. His face goes white.

JOSH

No, no…it can’t be. It’s just a joke!

He sees his armband blinking and covers it as they enter. He tries the Jedi Mind Trick.

JOSH

Umm…you’re looking for someone else–

BAM! He push him down hard and drag him out.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The editor types and a list of people with pictures and tallies comes onto the screen.

EDITOR #1

This is the voting we have so far. It seems–

HOST

Take the top one out. Too pretty.

EDITOR #2

I thought we said it’d vote based?

HOST

No one rich or model pretty. Remember, this is the first time in history non-criminals are being voted on. And we need to make certain the visuals represent our ideals.

ALEX (O.S.)

I’m still not sold on this being a good idea. Using regular people–

HOST

Not regular people. Bad people. Useless people. And maybe even some annoying people. Is the world really going to miss one more shitty, wannabe singer on TikTok?

EXT. KRISTEN’S CHURCH – DAY

KRISTEN (early 20’s) comes out of a church, guitar in hand, to a group of adoring fans.

KRISTEN

Oh my Gosh, you guys are so sweet. I am truly blessed with–

Then they erupt. She looks behind her and sees DIVINE (20’s, female) come out. She looks like a model. All the fans rush by Kristen to see her.

KRISTEN

Seriously?! She uses autotune!

Kristen turns to storm off, and finds herself surrounded by the authorities. She turns white.

KRISTEN

Umm…you have the wrong person?

Her wristband blinks. They grab her and lift her up, carrying her to their car.

KRISTEN

But God wouldn’t do this to me! Please! Someone help! Someone help!

The shove her in a car.

KRISTEN

(muffled in car)

Someone! Help me! Look over–

Her voice trails as it drives away, no one even noticing.

INT. SUNSHINE HOSPITAL – DAY

NICK (20’s-30’s) is looking out the window of the hospital. Then he sees a van pull into the parking lot.

NICK

Oh shit, it’s happening now.

He quickly starts to run down the hall…but sees authorities are already there. He looks down the other hall and they’re there too.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye.

They impassively stare at him. He runs.

They grab him and tackle him.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye! Sylvia! Sylvia!

They drag him off screaming, then stick a needle in his arm and he goes limp.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host and Alex are still at the editing bay.

ALEX

We literally have no crime left. You succeeded! I get the whole keeping them in line with fear thing–

The Host scoffs.

HOST

Oh, such a naive child.

ALEX

Don’t be patronizing to–

HOST

You’re just regurgitating the plot to every bad sci-fi movie you’ve seen. The goal isn’t to quell unrest or force them to do our bidding. It’s much simpler than that.

(a beat)

It’s to give them an enemy.

INT. DRUG HOUSE – DAY

JOCELYN (late 30’s, early 40’s), is punk rock through and through. She sits in a maggot-filled drug house drinking bourbon and doing lines.

BANG! BANG!–loud knock at the door.

JOCELYN

Fuck off! This is all for me!

BANG! BANG!–more knocking.

JOCELYN

Are you deaf, you piece of shit motherfucker?! Leave!

Then the door busts in and authorities enter.

JOCELYN

Oh, shit!

She throws a weak punch that goes nowhere. WHAM! They smash her in the face, then drag her unconscious body out.

INT. STAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

STAN (30’s) is asleep in a haze filled apartment, bong next to him.

The door opens and the authorities come in. They stand above him as he sleeps. He groggily wakes up and looks confused.

STAN

Am I on acid?

WHAM! One slams their baton into his stomach.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host looks over at Alex.

HOST

You know what you’re problem is, Alex. You’re one of the big brother 1984 people.

The Host starts walking through the production area, Alex following and trying to keep up.

ALEX

I have no idea what that–

HOST

Of course you don’t. See, most people read 1984 and think that it shows a government ruling by surveillance. But the truth is that surveillance isn’t a means, it’s an end. It didn’t give them power, it was the outcome of power.

ALEX

I still don’t==

The Host stops and turns back to Alex.

HOST

It was two-minutes hate. That gave the government the power. The ability to control a populace’s emotions, to control their anger and their hate. If you control their hate…well, once you control that, you control everything. And that’s why this is important. It gives them something to hate, so that they don’t hate us.

INT. ALICIA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

CLOSET

BANG! We hear the authorities pounding the apartment door.

ALICIA (30), whose strength and fierceness is only softened by her regal beauty, finishes putting the flashing bracelet on her bloody wrist, flinching from the pain.

She looks at AIDEN’s (10) non-flashing, bloody wristband and sees that he’s crying. Aiden is a special needs child.

ALICIA

I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.

AIDEN

I don’t care about that.

She turns to him, giving him all of her attention, trying to hold back her tears.

ALICIA

What is it?

He shrugs.

AIDEN

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.

ALICIA

Don’t worry. Mom will–

AIDEN

She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me. That I should call her Carole from now on.

ALICIA

(muttering)

That fucking bitch.

(back to Aiden)

Sorry. Don’t repeat that.

He looks at her, pleading.

AIDEN

How am I going to make it without you?

ALICIA

I’ll always be with you. Look…

She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.

She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.

ALICIA

You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, you’ll always have some of me, through my blood, and I’ll always have some of you. And when we can’t handle the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.

She gingerly puts it around his neck.

AIDEN

What if you…don’t come back? No one ever comes back.

Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears.

ALICIA

I–

WHAM! The apartment door is busted in.

ALICIA

We have no time. Be strong. I love you.

She walks out of the closet like nothing is happening.

ALICIA

Sorry. Didn’t hear you there. Ready to go?

They just stare, not sure what to make of her willingness.

She walks with them, giving a crying Aiden one last smile.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host and Alex are back at the editing station.

HOST

Let’s see what beast our lovely voters have picked this year.

The editor hits a button. Alex stares, shocked.

ALEX

Is that–

EDITOR #1

The beast, the myth, the legend.

ALEX

He looks so–

EDITOR #2

Evil? The science team has made big leaps in bioengineering this year.

The Host smiles gleefully.

HOST

God, I love science! Oh, these little shits have no idea what’s coming.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great First Page!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how important the first page is and how to create a strong one. This will make my scripts stronger and give me a stronger reputation as a writer.

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

HALLWAY

The place is trashed, with dead bodies on the ground mixed in with garbage and overall griminess. Messy gang graffiti lines the walls. What is this hellhole?

BLAM! A man comes crashing out of a door on one side of the hallway, out of breath. This is PACO, a hulking menace covered in tattoos, carrying a baseball bat with a spike in it. He collapses against the wall, exhausted.

CLICK. Then, out of the other door, stumbles SPENCER. He’s even bigger than Paco, with a military-cut and an aura of viciousness. He tightly grips a rusty chain like it’s a massive rosary for the damned.

Did I mention both were covered in blood? And I mean head-to-toe covered. It’s even in their eyes and hair.

The two look at each other and lock eyes.

HOST (V.O.)

Here we are, folks. The final moment of final moments has come upon us.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The HOST (50’s), in a fancy Armani suit and oozing charisma, is the only thing illuminated on an all-black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper to the hidden audience.

HOST

The two most vicious and bloodthirsty murderers left in the world are about to meet up for the last time. Both gangs have been annihilated in the just ten minutes. They’re all that’s left of the world’s prison population. And we’re watching their brutal end with our very eyes.

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

PACO and SPENCER step up to each other. They look each other up and down–then Paco breaks down into hysterical tears.

PACO

I don’t want to die like this, man! Charlie had his fucking intestines ripped out by that thing…

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Rough draft

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a strong twist and inciting incident in the first 10 pages. This will give my scripts stronger openings and be a better read overall.

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

HALLWAY

The place is trashed, with some dead bodies on the ground mixed in with debris and overall griminess.

A man comes out of a door on one side of the hallway. This is PACO. He’s a hulking menace covered in tattoos from head to toe carrying a baseball bat with a spike in it. Out of breath, he leans against the wall.

Then, out of the other door, emerges SPENCER. Another huge man, but with a military-cut and no tattoos. He’s also out of breath and carrying a rusty chain.

Did I mention both were covered in blood. And I mean head-to-toe covered. It’s even in their eyes and hair.

The two look at each other and lock eyes.

HOST (V.O.)

Here we are folks. The final moment has come upon us.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The HOST is the only thing illuminated on a black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper.

HOST

The two most vicious and bloodthirsty criminals in the world are about to meet up for the last time. Both of their gangs have been annihilated in the just twenty minutes. It’s just them now. What will happen next?

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

PACO and SPENCER step up to each other. They look each other up and down–

–then they both break down into near hysterics.

PACO

What the fuck is this is some crazy shit! I never seen nothing like this before!

SPENCER

Everyone’s dead, man. I–I–I couldn’t even move to save them.

PACO

Fuck, this ain’t like inside.

SPENCER

No, man, I just want to go home.

PACO

. Maybe if we work together, we can make it out–

DING! The building’s elevator, down a perpendicular hallway from where they’re standing, has just arrived.

They both tremble in fear.

PACO

Is that–

SPENCER

It can’t be. It can’t use an elevat–

Then they hear a low, growling sound from the dark elevator.

Inside the elevator is a massive, dark shape. It growls ominously, as it watches them from the darkness.

They stand, frozen, just watching.

SPENCER

It’s too late.

PACO

I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.

Then the dark shape roars and attacks–

The two dip down a hallway, slipping as they go.

SPENCER

We gotta get into a room.

Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.

They start running again.

PACO

There’s nowhere to–

CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Paco’s legs left behind in its wake, body torn apart.

Spencer gets to a wall and turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.

SPENCER

Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

WHOMP! We see the silhouette of what appears to be a large dog rip his throat out.

HOST (V.O.)

And stop there.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.

HOST

We’ll make last year’s ending this year’s opening. It’ll get their appetites whet for what’s to come.

EDITOR #1

Last year’s was the bloodiest by far.

HOST

And that’s why we use it again.

EDITOR #2

Won’t that just put pressure on us to do better this time?

HOST

Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down?

INT. JOSH’S ROOM – DAY

JOSH (30’s), overweight and bespectacled, finishes photoshopping a girl so she looks naked on his screen. Then he talks to his webcam.

JOSH

This bitch made my life hell all through high school. Let’s see how she likes it when everyone sees her naked this time. I usually hate revenge porn, but she did the same–

BOOM! He hears a door bust open and people come in upstairs. His face goes white.

JOSH

No, no…it can’t be. It’s just a joke!

He sees his armband blinking and covers it as they enter. He tries the Jedi Mind Trick.

JOSH

Umm…you’re looking for someone else–

He push him down and drag him out.

INT. BIKER BAR – DAY

SINCLAIR (50’s) is a hard looking biker. He takes a shot and watches in the upper mirror as the authorities slowly approach. As they get close–

SMASH! He bashes one over the head with a bottle. WHAM! He slams another’s head into the bar. BAM! He headbutts another.

More men enter and ten of them take him down together.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host is looking at a sheet of numbers.

EDITOR #1

This isn’t going to be the same without you.

HOST

You’re too kind. But I haven’t even gotten the position yet. I may not even want it.

EDITOR #2

You already sound like a politician.

HOST

Oh, Minister of Propaganda isn’t really a political thing. More social. And if tonight isn’t perfect, it may not happen at all. How the players coming in?

EDITOR #2

We started the new system last week. Let’s see…

EXT. KRISTEN’S CHURCH – DAY

KRISTEN (early 20’s) comes out of a church, guitar in hand, to a group of adoring fans.

KRISTEN

Oh my Gosh, you guys are so sweet. I am truly blessed with–

Then they erupt. She looks behind her and sees DIVINE (20’s, female) come out. She looks like a model. All the fans rush by Kristen to see her.

Kristen starts to walk off dejected, when authorities approach her. She turns white.

KRISTEN

This can’t be. You have the wrong person.

They harshly grab her and pull her with them.

KRISTEN

But God wouldn’t do this to me!

INT. SUNSHINE HOSPITAL – DAY

NICK (20’s-30’s) is looking out the window of the hospital. Then he sees a van pull into the parking lot.

NICK

Oh shit, it’s happening now.

He quickly starts to run down the hall…but sees authorities are already there. He looks down the other hall and they’re there too.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye.

They impassively stare at him. He runs.

They grab him and tackle him.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye! Sylvia! Sylvia!

They drag him off screaming.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host is looking over candidates.

HOST

Take the top one out. Too pretty.

They click a button.

EDITOR #2

Isn’t it supposed to be vote based?

HOST

It mostly is. Just don’t put in anyone too rich or that’s model pretty. Our sponsors don’t want to see that. Remember, it’s the first time non-crimainals are being voted on, so we need to tread carefully.

(a beat)

Oh, definitely put her in.

INT. DRUG HOUSE – DAY

JOCELYN (late 30’s, early 40’s), is punk rock through and through. She sits in a maggot-filled drug house drinking bourbon and doing lines.

A knock at the door.

JOCELYN

Fuck off! This is all for me!

Another knock.

JOCELYN

Are you deaf, you piece of shit motherfucker?! Leave!

Then the door busts in and authorities enter.

JOCELYN

Oh, shit!

She throws a punch and one tasers her until she’s shaking. Then they grab and carry her away.

INT. STAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

STAN (30’s) is asleep in a haze filled apartment, bong next to him.

The door opens and the authorities come in. They stand above him as he sleeps. He groggily wakes up. He looks at them, confused.

STAN

Am I on acid?

WHAM! One slams their baton into his stomach.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host sees Deb walk by.

HOST

I trust you guys to handle the rest. Remember, no one rich and no one model pretty.

He hurries to Deb.

HOST

Show is looking wonderful tonight.

DEB

Of course it is. You’ve never let us down before.

He just nods. She looks at him.

DEB

I haven’t heard anything yet.

HOST

I wasn’t asking. Just, you know–

She eyes him knowingly. He smirks, getting it.

DEB

I haven’t heard anything yet.

HOST

Okay, but when you do–

DEB

Who else would I tell?

He nods as she walks off.

HOST

Gotta make this the best show ever. Go out with a bang.

INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT

BANG! We hear the authorities pounding the door.

Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.

She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.

They whisper through the entire scene.

ALICIA

I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.

AIDEN

It’s not that. I don’t care about that.

She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.

ALICIA

What is it?

He shrugs.

AIDEN

I can’t say.

ALICIA

It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.

He lowers his whisper anyway.

AIDEN

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.

ALICIA

Don’t worry. Mom will–

AIDEN

She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.

ALICIA

(muttering)

That fucking bitch.

(back to Aiden)

Sorry. Don’t repeat that.

He looks at her, pleading.

AIDEN

Please don’t go.

Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.

ALICIA

I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.

He cries harder.

AIDEN

How am I going to make it without you?

ALICIA

I’ll always be with you. Look…

She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.

She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.

ALICIA

You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.

She gingerly puts it around his neck.

AIDEN

What if you…don’t come back?

Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears and gives a shrug.

ALICIA

It definitely won’t be easy.

She hears the knock and goes out the closet. The authorities bust in ready to take her by force.

ALICIA

Sorry. Didn’t hear you there. Ready to go?

They just stare, not sure what to make of her willingness.

She goes with them calmly, giving a crying Tony one last smile.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host goes to the editors.

HOST

Let’s see what beasts has been picked.

He smiles as they show him.

HOST

Oh, these little shits have no idea what’s coming.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a strong opening scene that covers all of the requirements. This will make my openings more impactful and interesting for the audience.

For the scene, I mixed the shocking opening with the contrast and plunge into world of story openings.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The HOST is the only thing illuminated on a black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper.

HOST

–and here we are. The two most vicious gang leaders are about to meet up for the final time. Both of their gangs have been annihilated in the conflict. And now–

INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT

Two hulking gang members, tattooed from head to toe, step up to each other in a messy hallway. PACO and SPENCER look each other up and down.

HOST (V.O.)

–what will happen next?

The two square off, then they both break down into near hysterics.

PACO

Man, bro, this is some crazy shit! I never seen nothing like this before!

SPENCER

They all got ripped apart. Every single one.

PACO

Fuck, this ain’t like inside.

SPENCER

No, man, I just want to go home.

PACO

We don’t have much time left. Maybe if we work together, we can make it out–

But then they hear it. A low, moaning growl.

They both turn their heads to Paco’s right…and they freeze.

Just outside the door is a massive, dark shape. It growls ominously, as it looks at them.

They stand, frozen, just watching.

SPENCER

It’s too late.

PACO

I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.

Then the dark shape roars and attacks–

The two dip down a hallway, slipping as they go.

SPENCER

We gotta get into a room.

Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.

They start running again.

PACO

There’s nowhere to–

CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Paco’s legs left behind in its wake, body torn apart.

Spencer gets to a wall and turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.

SPENCER

Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

WHOMP! We see the silhouette of what appears to be a large dog rip his throat out.

HOST (V.O.)

And stop there.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.

HOST

We’ll make last year’s ending this year’s opening. It’ll get their appetites whet for what’s to come.

EDITOR #1

Last year’s was the bloodiest by far.

HOST

And that’s why we use it again.

EDITOR #2

Won’t that just put pressure on us to do better this time?

HOST

Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down?

INT. JOSH’S ROOM – DAY

JOSH (30’s), overweight and bespectacled, finishes photoshopping a girl so she looks naked on his screen. Then he talks to his webcam.

JOSH

This bitch made my life hell all through high school. Let’s see how she likes it when everyone sees her naked this time. I usually hate revenge porn, but she did the same–

BOOM! He hears a door bust open and people come in upstairs. His face goes white.

JOSH

No, no…it can’t be. It’s just a joke!

He sees his armband blinking and covers it as they enter. He tries the Jedi Mind Trick.

JOSH

Umm…you’re looking for someone else–

He push him down and drag him out.

INT. BIKER BAR – DAY

SINCLAIR (50’s) is a hard looking biker. He takes a shot and watches in the upper mirror as the authorities slowly approach. As they get close–

SMASH! He bashes one over the head with a bottle. WHAM! He slams another’s head into the bar. BAM! He headbutts another.

More men enter and ten of them take him down together.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host is looking at a sheet of numbers.

EDITOR #1

This isn’t going to be the same without you.

HOST

You’re too kind. But I haven’t even gotten the position yet. I may not even want it.

EDITOR #2

You already sound like a politician.

HOST

Oh, Minister of Propaganda isn’t really a political thing. More social. And if tonight isn’t perfect, it may not happen at all. How the players coming in?

EDITOR #2

We started the new system last week. Let’s see…

EXT. KRISTEN’S CHURCH – DAY

KRISTEN (early 20’s) comes out of a church, guitar in hand, to a group of adoring fans.

KRISTEN

Oh my Gosh, you guys are so sweet. I am truly blessed with–

Then they erupt. She looks behind her and sees DIVINE (20’s, female) come out. She looks like a model. All the fans rush by Kristen to see her.

Kristen starts to walk off dejected, when authorities approach her. She turns white.

KRISTEN

This can’t be. You have the wrong person.

They harshly grab her and pull her with them.

KRISTEN

But God wouldn’t do this to me!

INT. SUNSHINE HOSPITAL – DAY

NICK (20’s-30’s) is looking out the window of the hospital. Then he sees a van pull into the parking lot.

NICK

Oh shit, it’s happening now.

He quickly starts to run down the hall…but sees authorities are already there. He looks down the other hall and they’re there too.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye.

They impassively stare at him. He runs.

They grab him and tackle him.

NICK

Just let me say goodbye! Sylvia! Sylvia!

They drag him off screaming.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host is looking over candidates.

HOST

Take the top one out. Too pretty.

They click a button.

EDITOR #2

Isn’t it supposed to be vote based?

HOST

It mostly is. Just don’t put in anyone too rich or that’s model pretty. Our sponsors don’t want to see that. Remember, it’s the first time non-crimainals are being voted on, so we need to tread carefully.

(a beat)

Oh, definitely put her in.

INT. DRUG HOUSE – DAY

JOCELYN (late 30’s, early 40’s), is punk rock through and through. She sits in a maggot-filled drug house drinking bourbon and doing lines.

A knock at the door.

JOCELYN

Fuck off! This is all for me!

Another knock.

JOCELYN

Are you deaf, you piece of shit motherfucker?! Leave!

Then the door busts in and authorities enter.

JOCELYN

Oh, shit!

She throws a punch and one tasers her until she’s shaking. Then they grab and carry her away.

INT. STAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

STAN (30’s) is asleep in a haze filled apartment, bong next to him.

The door opens and the authorities come in. They stand above him as he sleeps. He groggily wakes up. He looks at them, confused.

STAN

Am I on acid?

WHAM! One slams their baton into his stomach.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host sees Deb walk by.

HOST

I trust you guys to handle the rest. Remember, no one rich and no one model pretty.

He hurries to Deb.

HOST

Show is looking wonderful tonight.

DEB

Of course it is. You’ve never let us down before.

He just nods. She looks at him.

DEB

I haven’t heard anything yet.

HOST

I wasn’t asking. Just, you know–

She eyes him knowingly. He smirks, getting it.

DEB

I haven’t heard anything yet.

HOST

Okay, but when you do–

DEB

Who else would I tell?

He nods as she walks off.

HOST

Gotta make this the best show ever. Go out with a bang.

INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT

BANG! We hear the authorities pounding the door.

Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.

She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.

They whisper through the entire scene.

ALICIA

I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.

AIDEN

It’s not that. I don’t care about that.

She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.

ALICIA

What is it?

He shrugs.

AIDEN

I can’t say.

ALICIA

It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.

He lowers his whisper anyway.

AIDEN

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.

ALICIA

Don’t worry. Mom will–

AIDEN

She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.

ALICIA

(muttering)

That fucking bitch.

(back to Aiden)

Sorry. Don’t repeat that.

He looks at her, pleading.

AIDEN

Please don’t go.

Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.

ALICIA

I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.

He cries harder.

AIDEN

How am I going to make it without you?

ALICIA

I’ll always be with you. Look…

She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.

She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.

ALICIA

You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.

She gingerly puts it around his neck.

AIDEN

What if you…don’t come back?

Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears and gives a shrug.

ALICIA

It definitely won’t be easy.

She hears the knock and goes out the closet. The authorities bust in ready to take her by force.

ALICIA

Sorry. Didn’t hear you there. Ready to go?

They just stare, not sure what to make of her willingness.

She goes with them calmly, giving a crying Tony one last smile.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY

The Host goes to the editors.

HOST

Let’s see what beasts has been picked.

He smiles as they show him.

HOST

Oh, these little shits have no idea what’s coming.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Openings!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned about the types of openings that work and how to create them. This will make my scripts stronger and more marketable.

1. Instant Conflict mixed with Contrast Opening

Start with all players being taken before game, contrasted with the host and rich people who enjoy the game.

-In this version, every player would be soon doing something in their lives, just as the authorities bust in and take them. It would give a quick intro to each character. As it does, it also shows the host and authorities living lavishly as rich, powerful douchebags.

2. Shocking opening mixed with action

Start with end of last year’s game, with the wolf bloodily killing the last one or two people, who are huge felons.

-In this version, it starts with a horror element. The wolf is a bloodthirsty beast and we watch him kill the last two contestants from the year before. They will be bigger and meaner than any of the players this year, making it seem impossible for this year’s batch.

3. unique world mixed with action and some twist

Start with Alicia getting taken in street while stealing food

-In this version, Alicia would get word that they are taking her son and she tries to pin his bracelet on another while stealing food for him. She is then taken in the street by authorities, once they catch her after a chase.

4. interesting VO opening

Start with VO from hundreds of years later, talking about how people in the future lived from the past POV

-In this version, a VO appears talking about how things were back in the day in 2070. It might be the son of a contestant or a historian talking about the end of brutality or start of brutality. It might be someone talking about how this helped ruin the future as well, which could be interesting.

5. plunge into unique world

Plunge right into making of show, including tallying votes on who’s going into the hunt

-In this version, we start with the Host and his team getting the show ready. They show who are being voted for, with the host taking some out (illegally) for various reasons like they are too good looking. It shows us what’s going on behind the show just as they are getting it all together.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo Loves This Opening!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned what makes a great opening and how to create one. This will make every future script stronger and more marketable.

MOVIE: THE BOURNE IDENTITY

1st page: A boat finds a dead man at sea…who suddenly comes alive again!
3rd page: The man doesn’t know who he is or how he got there.
5th to 10th page: The man goes to a Switzerland to check in on a bank account that is supposedly his and hopefully find out who he is…and he then finds out he has dangerous fighting abilities.
By the 10th page: The story is about finding out who he is, why he has so many far-reaching abilities (shown so far: different languages, fighting skills) and why he can’t remember any of it.

DARKNESS. THE SOUND OF WIND AND SPRAY.

MUSIC. TITLES.

EXT. OCEAN — NIGHT

The darkness is actually water. A SEARCHLIGHT arcs across

heavy ocean swells. Half-a-dozen flashlights — weaker beams

— racing along what we can see is the deck of an aging

FISHING TRAWLER. FISHERMEN struggling with a gaff —

something in the water —

A HUMAN CORPSE.

EXT. FISHING BOAT DECK — NIGHT

THE BODY sprawled there. The Sailors all talking at once —

three languages going — brave chatter to mask the presence

of death —

SAILOR #1

— Jesus, look at him —

SAILOR #2

— what? — you never saw a dead

man before? —

SAILOR #3

— look, look he was shot —

(nudging the body–)

SAILOR #1

— don’t, don’t do that —

SAILOR #2

— he’s dead, you think he cares? —

SAILOR #1

— so have some respect — it’s a —

(stopping as–)

THE BODY MOVES! — convulsing —

coughing up sea water — the

Sailors — freaked — jumping back –

– standing there, as — THE MAN

begins to breathe.

INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — NIGHT

A wreck. Too small for all the people in here right now —

SAILORS sweeping off the table — rough hands laying THE MAN

down — THE CAPTAIN — brutal and impatient — watching from

the door as — GIANCARLO tears through the clutter —

searching for a medical kit buried in the shambles.

GIANCARLO is sixty. A bloodshot soul.

GIANCARLO

— it’s here — hang on — it’s

here somewhere — give me a minute –

– get some blankets — get some

blankets on him —

(finding the kit–)

— here we go — here it is —

GIANCARLO with an old trunk — just

getting it open, as —

THE CAPTAIN

Giancarlo.

(Giancarlo turns back–)

We pick him up? Okay, we have to

pick him up. But that’s as far as

it goes.

GIANCARLO

He needs a doctor.

CAPTAIN

Fuck that. He lives? He dies? I

don’t care. We’ve wasted two hours

on this shit already. You do what

you can, but we’re not going back.

(pure steel now)

You understand me?

GIANCARLO

Yes, sir.

CAPTAIN

(to the rest of them)

Let’s get back to work! GIANCARLO

watching them run out. Snagging a

quick pull on a pint of rum he’s

got stashed and —

INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — DAWN — TIME CUTS

Transformed into a makeshift operating room. A light swings

overhead. THE MAN layed out across the table. Sounds —

groans — words — snatches of them — all in different

languages.

2.

GIANCARLO playing doctor in a greasy kitchen apron. Cutting

away the clothes. Turning THE MAN on his side. Two bullet

wounds in the back. Probing them, judging them. Now —

GIANCARLO with a flashlight in his teeth — TINK — TINK —

TINK — bullet fragments falling into a washed-out olive jar.

Now — something catching GIANCARLO’S EYE — A SCAR ON THE

MAN’S HIP — another fragment — exacto knife cutting in —

tweezers extracting A SMALL PLASTIC TUBE, not a bullet at

all, and as it comes free — THE MAN’S HAND SLAMS down onto

GIANCARLO’S and we SMASH CUT

INTO A —

FIRST PERSON POV — we are staring up at —

GIANCARLO

You’re awake. Can you hear me?

(we’re blinking–)

You’ve been shot. I’m trying to

help you.

(we’re trying to find our

voice–)

You were in the water. You’ve been

shot. It’s okay now.

THE MAN

Where am I?

GIANCARLO

(switching to English)

You’re American. I thought so.

From your teeth — the dental work –

–

THE MAN

Where am I?

GIANCARLO

You’re on a boat. A fishing boat.

Italian flag. We’re out of Vietri.

(he smiles)

It’s the cold that saved you. The

water. The wounds are clean. I’m

not a doctor, but the wounds, it

looks okay. It’s clean.

THE MAN

How did I get here?

GIANCARLO

You we’re lost at sea. They pulled

you out.

(we say nothing)

3.

(MORE)

Who are you?

(still nothing)

You were shot — two bullets — in

the back. You understand me?

(we try to nod)

Who are you? Long dead pause.

THE MAN

I don’t know.

EXT. OCEAN — DAY

The Trawler plows through heavy seas.

INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — DAY

GIANCARLO is hunched over a desk — tweezers and flashlight —

busy working at that strange plastic tube that came out of

THE MAN’s hip. THE MAN is bandaged. He’s sitting up, and it

must hurt like hell, but physical pain is not the thing

troubling him right now. He’s staring around the room — at

his body — at the walls — haunted —

THE MAN

What if it doesn’t come back?

GIANCARLO

(still working that tube)

I told you. You need to rest.

Silence. THE MAN can’t rest. Too

busy trying to make sense of all

this.

THE MAN

I can read. I can read that sign

on the door. I can count. I can

talk…

(focusing now–)

What are you doing? GIANCARLO

rummaging around — finding a

magnifying glass —

THE MAN

What is that? INSERT — MAGNIFIED

POV — a slip of plastic from the

tube — written there — 000-7-17-

12-0-14-26. GEMEINSCHAFT

4.

GIANCARLO (CONT’D)

BANK, ZURICH.

GIANCARLO

It came from your hip. Under the

skin.

(turning back–)

You have a bank in Zurich.

(waiting)

You remember Zurich?

THE MAN

No. GIANCARLO staring at him now.

Different suddenly. Suspicious.

GIANCARLO

Look, I’m just on this boat, okay?

I’m an engineer. Whatever this is,

it’s not for me to be involved,

okay?

THE MAN

I don’t remember Zurich. GIANCARLO

pulls his pint. Takes a hit.

GIANCARLO

(offering the bottle–)

You drink rum?

THE MAN

I don’t know.

EXT. FISHING BOAT DECK — NIGHT

THE MAN stands at the rail, staring out to sea. So lost. He

turns to head inside — there, a surfcasting rod propped

against a locker. THE MAN picks up the rod — flips the bail –

– traps the line — now he’s casting far out into the

darkness. And for the first time, he smiles.

INT. FISHING BOAT GALLEY — NIGHT

A ratty old espresso machine. THE MAN standing there,

staring at the thing like it’s a test. Then his hands begin

to move — trying to pack a grind — trying to fit it in —

turning on the steam and — The whole thing explodes.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Completed Third Act

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a great third act! This will make my scripts more impactful and emotional for the audience.

1. SETUP: Alicia is a loner girl who is caring for her little brother since her mother can’t be bothered to. After he is picked for the Hunt by the populace, she illegally takes his place. The players then enter “The Hunt.” Alicia stays by herself at first, hiding, but then becomes the first person to kill a monster, which she did on accident. The players start to battle monsters that the audience chooses, and become the first people in 30 years to win…because they started working as a group.

When one of them takes a deal with the Host, others die. They then have to do interviews in front of an audience. This is where the truth about Alicia comes out: that the brother we think she joined the games is actually her son, that she had after being the victim of abuse by her father. After it comes out, the crowd starts being pro-players and anti-host.

2. PLOT POINT 2 – After the interviews, the players are sent back into the games…and the Host really wans to get them now.

3. CRISIS – Should Alicia escape alone or go back and help friends?

4. CLIMAX – After she decides to help friends, the Host gets his revenge: by sending in a bioengineered version of her father into the games as the final monster. Her father gets her alone in the Hall of Mirrors, where he mocks and taunts her while trying to kill her. She then uses the “lessons” he taught her against him. It goes back and forth, with him finally getting the upper hand…until her friends blast through with a car, giving her the leverage to beat him.

5. RESOLUTION – Alicia is reunited with her son and the Host is sent into the Hunt as the final participant.

6. FINAL PAGE — The players are now together, like the family Alicia never had. They bicker like a family as the Hunt finished playing out on TV, the Host the last victim.

7. FINAL LINE/IMAGE – Kristen says. “You said family again! Heard that!” while Alicia just smiles to herself.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Amazing Final Line!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned the importance of the final line / image and the best way to create it. This will make the ends of my scrips more impactful.

I chose to have them say the one thing they haven’t said throughout the movie.

INT. ALICIA’S APARTMENT – DAY

The three players and Tony are all fast asleep, The Hunt on the TV in front of them.

FLUMP!

Kristen, who was sleeping on Josh, falls over onto the floor with a thud, startling Alicia awake.

Kristen hurries back up. Both her and Alicia whisper the entire time to keep everyone else asleep.

KRISTEN

Sorry! Sorry, fam!

She gets back up into the same position as before.

ALICIA

(to herself)

This family’s crazier than my last one.

KRISTEN

Heard that.

ALICIA

What? I didn’t say–

KRISTEN

You called us “your family!” You love us!

ALICIA

I didn’t say anything.

Kristen bolts up.

KRISTEN

I’m going to write about this in my journal. Such a big day!

ALICIA

It is not– Don’t go writing–

Kristen hurries out of the room. Alicia follows.

ALICIA

Don’t go writing it in that stupid journal!

TONY

Mom? What’s going on?

Alicia hurries back to him.

ALICIA

Nothing, sweetie. Mommy’s just going to murder Aunt Kristen real quick.

KRISTEN (O.S.)

You called me Aunt Kristen! I’m so gonna cry.

Alicia puts her head in her hands.

ALICIA

I thought surviving alone was hard. This family’s gonna kill me.

KRISTEN (O.S.)

You said family again! Heard that!

Alicia just smiles to herself.

FADE OUT

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s final page!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how important a final page is and how to make a memorable one. This skill will make future scripts more emotional and a lasting experience for the audience.

A. The Setup / Payoff final page.

Set up why she hid the fact that she had a son, what she sacrificed for him, how much she loves him…and how he doesn’t know it because of her hiding him. She has to get out so her son knows she does. At end, have her get out and tell him.

B. The Contrast final page.

The survivors finish the hunt. They are celebrating and laughing, when one of the beasts comes to life again, killing Alicia out o nowhere, then rearing up to attack the others.

C. The Climax/Resolution final page. (THIS IS THE ONE I CHOSE)

The climax ends with the Host being in the hunt himself and getting killed. Right after that, we cut to Alicia and the other survivors, still blood drenched, fast asleep while watching the show. Kristen falls over.

D. The “Something good is going to come out of this mess” final page.

Alicia dies during final battle, But Kristen and Josh make it out. When they do, they take Alicia’s son on as an adopted kid and the three form their own family.

E. The “One last gesture” final page.

Alicia dies in final battle, The players who survive get out and give her son the necklaces she made for him and give him the money they just won to start fresh.

F. The Shock final page

After the survivors get out, one of them reveals that they are part of a terrorist group who want to change the system and they blow everything up. (NOTE: I would have to go back and setup the terrorist group angle more to do this one)

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – DAY

The Host, still in his unkempt suit, trods through the circus grounds near the merry-go-round, bitterness etched into his face.

He stops, and takes a big step back, eyeing the Venus flytrap the way one thief looks at another.

HOST

You ain’t gonna get me, motherfucker.

He leans against a merry-go-round horse and breathes deep. He looks at everything around him with disdain.

HOST

(to himself)

They ain’t gonna kill you here. If that idiot bitch and her gang of obtuse morons can make it, then you can make it. You know these games better than anyone. All you need to do is survive the next–

He looks at his watch. As he does, we see a cannibal clown slowly creep up on his left like a fox stalking its prey.

HOST

(to himself)

–one hour-eleven minutes and you’ll be free. Hell, they’ll probably still make you Minister, the way you play that braindead audience.

We see a zombie clumsily walking up on his right with eyes hungrier than a starving wolf in winter.

HOST

So, in a way, I’ve basically won. This will be a peace of cake. I just–

RRAAHH! The cannibal clown lunges on his left.

BLAAWW! The zombie comes at him from his right.

SHRIIIILLLLL! Right before they both get to him, he blows the same whistle he gave Nick earlier.

Only this time, it works.

Both monsters stop, as if in a daze.

He gets up, whistle in his hand, and starts walking backwards away from them, sneering.

HOST

Told him it works. Stupid kid. Some people are so incompetent–

CRUNCH! PTOOEY! The Venus flytrap quickly bites off half of the Host’s body and flings it to the other side of the circus like a morbid hibachi chef entertaining a crowd.

The flytrap belches, as the lower half of the Host’s body crumples to the ground.

INT. ALICIA’S APARTMENT – DAY

The three players and Tony are all fast asleep, The Hunt on the TV in front of them.

FLUMP!

Kristen, who was sleeping on Josh, falls over onto the floor with a thud.

FADE OUT

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Rules!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned 3 more rules to make an ending great. This will help me make more emotional and engaging endings to future scripts!

RULE 5. Don’t go On-The-Nose.

Much of my third act isn’t completely done. However, I did find one section where Alicia explains why she can’t fight with friends anymore. I’m going to take that out and fill it with silent subtext through action instead.

RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential
location for the conflict.

Since it’s at an abandoned circus:

animal cages

big top

strong man room

oddities tent

clown car

clown dressing room

hall of mirrors

I picked hall of mirrors. Since the main character is fighting her trauma at the end, this will symbolize how that trauma makes her see reality and truth in a warped way.

RULE 7. Must keep us guessing to the very end.

Have protagonist break down into panic attack during final battle

Have antagonist ruthlessly psychologically damage her while also physically damaging her

Have antagonist lock her up with him, away from her friends and helpers, during battle

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Powerful Setups

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned the best way to create setups that will enhance and make a powerful ending. These will make my scripts stronger and the endings a far more emotional experience for the audience.

Ending: Alicia has to face the final monster, a bioengineered version of her abusive father.

A. Build their Reputation

As it is, we hear what her father did during the interviews. I can also have her show trauma when the subject comes up, go off on someone for pushing into her past and talk to her son about what a piece of shit he was. Her reputation will be built by fighting monsters in the hunt up until that point. I can also build his reputation by making it the work of his friends and her mom to try and get her son in the hunt.

B. Justification for the final actions

Have it come out that her father was physically and sexually abusive. Show her mother being emotionally abusive and uncaring. Have her mother be the reason she is in the hunt, after doing it to protect her father’s secret.

C. Cast doubt on the success of the final actions

Have Alicia go numb and frozen at mention of father. Have her crumple in interview when truth is brought out. See Alicia get beaten up bad before her father enters hunt. Have her show terror.

D. Discuss the final actions openly

Alicia’s mom talks about how Alicia’s father would kill her if he were alive. Have Alicia talk about wanting to kill him, but not being able to. Have father mock her, saying he’ll finish the job now.

E. Twists that take it away

Audience interview reveals family secrets that are super dark and change the character. Same interview and afterward cause audience to turn on Host for Alicia. Nick betrays them and puts them in greater jeopardy.

F. Alternate Hope/fear

Alicia’s alone (fear), then works with people (hope). They are winning (hope) when Nick betrays them (fear). Have Alicia go into panic attack over father mentioned (fear), then dealing with it (hope), then come on worse during final battle (fear).

G. Create and pay off emotional setups

Create heavy emotion when truth about Alicia’s dad comes out in interviews. Make emotion heavier with her kid. Enhance her fear through panic attacks and dialogue. Have her talk about suicidal thoughts due to it. Give her nightmares over it. Her, Kristen and Jocelyn talk about how they all tried suicide before and go into how they all felt alone.

H. Suspense around the outcome

Have Host promise “scariest monster she can face” before it happens. Have Alicia get beaten up bad right before father is released. Have her break down emotionally, then run when father is released, until he tries to catch her. Have her hide until he finds her.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Kick Ass endings!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned the six endings that work wonderfully for movies and how to properly create them. This will help me write scripts that an audience and actor will love and make my work that much stronger.

1. The Ultimate Confrontation

(note: this is basically the ending I already have) Alicia’s dad is released into games as bioenhanced monster. He mocks her while fighting her in House of Mirrors, bringing up the trauma she had from his past abuse.

She is about to die, when she remembers something he taught her…and uses it as a way to beat him.

2. Return Home, Only it is Different

At the end of the games, Alicia is forced to fight her father’s bioenhanced monster alone. But when she does, she’s not fighting like the loner she used to be.

Now that she has friends who back her and confidence in herself, she is able to fight him back this time, defeating him in the process.

3. End with a Future

Alicia talks over and over about wanting to be free from their society with her son. Her and the other players are fighting in the hunt, when they hear about a way out to escape.

They all escape with Alicia’s son…to live their lives somewhere far away from this society.

4. Major Layer Uncovered

The players are all fighting monsters and win. The game is about to be over when…Alicia kills them all.

We then find out she was in on it with the Host since their meeting. And now, she will live the life of riches and glamour she always dreamed of…

5. Good Guy Wins after Much Pain and Risk

During the interviews, Alicia watches the government take her child away after the truth about his birth comes out. Alicia and her players then fight the monsters, with Alicia watching each friend die horrifyingly.

Just when it’s about to be over, they let in the last monster…Alicia’s abusive father bioenhanced. She goes through a emotionally and physically abusive battle against him. She wins at the end, and gets her son back.

6. Great Protagonist Strategy

Alicia and her friends are losing against the last monsters. Then they release Alicia’s abusive father in the game as a bioenhanced monster.

Alicia remembers the abusive “lessons” he taught her and uses them to make her team victorious against all the monsters they are facing.

(alternate) same first paragraph. Then Alicia remembers the “lessons” the Host told her when giving her a warning…and uses the Host’s own plans against him to win and help her friends survive.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Three Endings

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how the three types of endings work and how to create them. This will give me much more variety in the endings and stories I can create.

– Beginning of 3rd Act. The remaining players get thrown back into the game, Host madder than ever

– Twists.

The Host releases 4 beasts at once, each with the scent of one player in mind.

This separates the group, so they can’t beat them together anymore.

– Crisis. Alicia beats hers first…then must decide to save herself for her son on the outside or help her new friends stay alive.

Twist: Alicia’s dad enters game as last monster…after being biologically upgraded.

– Climax. Alicia’s dad gets her alone in hall of mirrors and tortures her while he hunts her. She gets beaten, but ends up winning just as new friends break in to help her.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both.

Got goal: stay alive and need: find love and acceptance

– Beginning of 3rd Act. After audience interviews, everyone but the Host wants them to win. The audience, the background people, sponsors…everyone is on their side and things are looking good.

– Twists.

Host sends in 4 animals to get them

The team beats them all together

Alicia’s dad, biomodified, comes in as final monster

– Crisis. Alicia must decide whether to get the team or take on her dad alone.

– Climax. She takes on her dad alone, after he taunts her as weak. She fights him off long enough to make sure the rest of her friends get out safely, but ends up getting killed by him on end. It brings an end to future Hunts, as no one wants to see it now that they understand what they did.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both.

Loses goal: dies, Loses need: no love or acceptance from friends or others

– Beginning of 3rd Act. Alicia and her new friends are a strong team now. But the Host is pissed after the interviews and decides to go harder on them.

– Twists.

Host sends in 4 monsters, each with a different scent

Her friends decide to help her first, after learning about her child

Then the Host sends in her biomodified father as last monster

– Crisis. Will Alicia take their help and be a team, or go alone at it like usual?

– Climax. Alicia plays with the team, for the first time in her life, against her father. He fights back, along with other monsters, and the fight against all the monsters becomes too much. They all end up dying, as she walks out a broken victor.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both.

Got goal: to live, Lost need: to have love and acceptance

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s 3rd Act Structure

WHAT I LEARNED: Looking at my current structure after the first assignment showed me what areas were weak. I learned who to focus more on the main crisis to make it a powerful emotional experience for the audience and reader. This will also help the movie be more cohesive. I believe this may have been a weak point before, so I’m glad to be getting a better understanding of it now.

1. What is it that fascinates you about this story? society’s hated outcasts coming together to beat the odds and become bigger heroes than the society ever was

2. What is the main conflict of the story? Will they survive the monster hunt?

3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist? Gosl – survive, need – other people she can rely on and trust

4. What is the character arc of your main characters? Traumatized loner to strong leader

5. How do you want this movie to end? Kristen ,Josh and Alicia survive.

1. PLOT POINT 2 – After truth about Alicia comes out in the interviews, they are sent back into the hunt…with the Host really out to get them now.

2. CRISIS – Alicia runs after her abusive father enters game as monster…then has to decide between running and hiding (letting trauma win), or fighting him with new friends (coming to grips with trauma).

3. CLIMAX – Alicia’s father is released into the games…enhanced as a monster torturing her. She has to fight him to survive, as he taunts and tries to destroy her. He traps her alone in Hall of Mirrors, taunting and torturing her. She fights back, but is about to lose, when friends find a way to bust in. She uses distraction to kill him and win.

4. RESOLUTION – Players make it out, Alicia reunites with son, Kristen asks who voted for the last monster, with gun (humor).

5. FINAL PAGE – Host is put into games…and killed in post-credits scene.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great Ending.

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned way more about endings than I thought I would from this, tbh. I’ve seen TOP GUN more times than I can count and I just realized what the movies is about. It’s not about planes or war. It’s about one man dealing with the trauma of loss. Of course, I knew it included loss, but the WHOLE THING is about trauma from loss. At first, he’s rebelling against everything due to the loss of his father. Then, after Goose dies, he withdraws from everything. These are the 2 standard ways people deal with trauma. At the end, they have him take two big actions, which show he’s gotten over both losses and is moving on. And it’s all done through airplanes and combat school…

TOP GUN

Setup:

Maverick and his navigator Goose get into the top military aircraft dogfighting school in the country. Maverick is an individualistic pilot who doesn’t play by the team’s rules.

At school, Maverick and Goose are rivals with Iceman and Slider. They all compete for points. During one mission, Goose dies, but it wasn’t Maverick’s fault.

However, Maverick can’t get over it. He can’t take a shot at people or fly like he used to. He feels he’s “lost the edge.”

He’s told can still graduate with his class if he wants to. He decides to go to the graduation ceremony. But he’s still not sure he can fly or fight again.

3^rd Act Turning Point: At the graduation ceremony, Maverick and the others get called to a mission.

SUSPENSE: Maverick is placed in backup position, with Iceman stating that he’s not sure Maverick can handle it.

SUSPENSE: More enemy fighters attack, making the pilots up there vastly outnumbered.

TWIST: Hollywood is shot down. Now the only person up there is Iceman, Mav’s rival, who’s facing 5 planes. They call Maverick to action.

TWIST: Due to a malfunction, they can’t launch anymore aircraft. All that is up there is Mav and Ice.

TWIST: Mav goes through someone’s jetwash, causing the same problem that killed Goose earlier. Mav barely gets it together.

CRISIS: Maverick disengages after the jetwash. He holds Goose’s dogtags and asks his friend to “talk to me,” as Iceman battles all five below. After a moment of introspection, he reengages and gets back to battle.

Maverick takes his first shot since Goose’s death…and it’s a direct hit.

TWIST: Maverick is in danger…but decides to follow the team’s rules instead of his own desires and refuses to “leave his wingman,” like he did during practice.

CLIMAX: In the next dangerous situation, Maverick does a move that is against Navy protocol, showing his individualism and guts are still there too. This causes the other enemy fighters to flee.

Mav does a flyby, like he used to do with Goose, to show he’s ready to live again.

RESOLUTION: Mav celebrates the win by embracing rival Ice as a friend and decides to go teach at Top Gun. Then he throws Goose’s dog tags into the ocean, showing he’s letting it go.

FINAL SCENE: Maverick then reconnects with his girlfriend and they kiss.

SETUPS IN FIRST TWO ACTS

OPEN: Maverick and Cougar are both flying against some enemy aircraft. Maverick has fun with them, but when one gets Cougar into his sights, Cougar shuts down and can’t fly anymore. Maverick disobeys an order to go and save Cougar, bringing him in for a landing.

Cougar then retires, saying he can’t fly again and that he’s “lost his edge.” This is how Maverick and his navigator Goose get called to an elite training school called Top Gun.

SETUP: Maverick is a freewheeling pilot who is unpredictable and breaks the rules as he pleases, but he also cares about his teammates and will do anything to save or help them. And now, he’s going to the top aviation school in the land.

They go to Top Gun. Maverick meets Iceman, who will be his biggest rival. Iceman who “flys ice cold, no mistakes.”

SETUP: Freewheeling Maverick and Strait-laced Iceman are exact opposites. This is setting up the rivalry that will drive them both during their training.

Maverick meets a girl he’s into at the bar and serenades her, but ends up “crashing and burning.” She ends up being a civilian aircraft expert names Charlie.

SETUP: This sets up the romance, as the against the rules Maverick wants to date one of his superiors, who is by the book.

At Top Gun, Maverick breaks the rules to win…and gets no points. He also gets yelled at for doing a fly by. His instructors wonder if he’s a good fit for Top Gun. Iceman and Maverick get into a conflict because Iceman thinks Maverick is “dangerous.”

SETUP: Maverick may not make it at this school with his rebellious attitude.

Find out Maverick’s dad was a fighter with some kind of murky history and that’s why Goose thinks he flies the way he does.

SETUP: Maverick is flying against the ghost of his father and has emotional issues with it.

Charlie invites Maverick over for a secret dinner. But she mostly wants information he has on Russian fighters. We find out Mav doesn’t know what happened to his father because it’s classified. They told Mav that his father screwed up, which is why he died, but Mav doesn’t believe it. Charlie asks if that’s why he’s always second best.

SETUP: Mav’s issues with his father are making him less of a pilot than he could be, and causes a chip on his shoulder against the military command.

Goose’s family comes to visit. Charlie berates Maverick in class, and then chases him when he’s angry. She tells him she is into him and they start getting together. She also says she sees real genius in his flying.

SETUP: Romance angle begins between Mav and Charlie.

Mav goes up against Viper. During the battle, he leaves his wingman, Hollywood, which results in Hollywood getting hit. Iceman tells Maverick he’s worse than the enemy for them right now and he needs to remember whose side he’s on.

SETUP: Maverick’s desire for action and personal glory over teamwork can get his teammates killed.

Maverick and Iceman compete for a shot. Maverick gets caught in Iceman’s jetwash, which causes the plane to go haywire. Mav cant’ get it in control and Goose ends up getting killed. Mav can’t take it and is a shell of himself.

SETUP: Will Maverick still be able to fly or will he “lose his edge?”

Instructors put Maverick in the air again…but he won’t engage the enemy. Instructors wonder if he’ll ever make it back.

SETUP: Maverick quits Top Gun. Charlie and him break up on not-so-good terms. He’s now completely alone and near broken.

Maverick talks to his instructor, Viper. Finds out Viper flew with his dad in the war. He finds out what happened to his father, which was he was a hero, but the Pentagon couldn’t say that due to politics. Maverick now has a choice…

SETUP: Maverick can either graduate with this class and move on or quit. What will he do?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Kick-Ass Dialogue!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to apply all these techniques in one scene. This will make my dialogue stand out and lead to a much stronger script.

Character Name: Kristen

Character Traits: Caring, Self-Righteous, Covering Up, Loyal

Character Name: Jocelyn:

Character Traits: Fighter, Bitter, Defiant, Witty

SITUATION: The hunt just started, but no monsters have been released yet. The players are all preparing for what’s about to come–

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Jocelyn strides away from the group. She hears breathing and looks behind her to find–

Kristen, following her. Kristen gives a big smile. Jocelyn scowls back.

JOCELYN

Don’t follow me. I’m on my own here.

KRISTEN

Me too. I’m just going to the same place.

JOCELYN

I have no idea where I’m going.

KRISTEN

Hey! Neither do I!

Jocelyn stops and looks at her. Kristen beams.

JOCELYN

Are you like brain dead or something?

KRISTEN

No, I’m a Christian.

JOCELYN

Same thing.

Jocelyn starts to walk again.

KRISTEN

That’s not very nice.

JOCELYN

Neither was the inquisition. Or witch burnings. Or the unjust persecution of any other group that didn’t follow your little rule book.

KRISTEN

Figured you may want to be nicer to me, since God’s on my side and most of you are going to die in a few hours.

JOCELYN

We’re all gonna fucking die in a few hours, sweet tits.

KRISTEN

You’re not one of those lesbians are you? Not that I’m against it, but my church says–

Jocelyn turns back and just raises an eyebrow.

KRISTEN

Oh, you are one of those lesbians.

Jocelyn sees a broken window from the nearby Hall of Mirrors and goes to check it out.

JOCELYN

Maybe I am. Maybe I just love to eat pussy and scissor and play with huge, ever expanding dildos.

Jocelyn picks up a large shard of broken glass on the ground, then runs her finger on it to test it.

JOCELYN

Ow!

She sticks her cut finger in her mouth, flinching.

KRISTEN

Oh. So, do you think I’m cute?

Jocelyn turns, aggravated.

KRISTEN

Just saying, I never met a lesbian before and I always wondered–

JOCELYN

What the fuck is this Teen Vogue quiz shit?

KRISTEN

I don’t read Teen Vogue. That’s secular. But I do have good news. Even though you’re a lesbian, God still loves you.

Kristen gives a big smile.

JOCELYN

I get it. You’re scared. No reason to keep bugging me.

KRISTEN

Christians don’t get scared because we know we’re going to heaven.

(quick beat)

But if you wanted to team up, for YOUR reasons of course–

Jocelyn turn and starts walking faster.

JOCELYN

I don’t want you to stop following me anymore.

KRISTEN

Really?

JOCELYN

I want you to run in the opposite direction.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Colorful Dialogue

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to enhance dialogue through different coloring techniques. This will make the dialogue more interesting and attractive to actors.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Jocelyn is walking away, Kristen following.

KRISTEN

Wait! Where are you going?

JOCELYN

You almost got me viciously eaten and consumed by Mr. Hellish Beast of Torment over there!

KRISTEN

I almost got eaten by whatever hellish beast thing you called it too…but you saved me!

JOCELYN

Ugh. I do not save people. I barely try to save myself.

KRISTEN

You’re a freaking hero! Like Superman, but with more tattoos and an anger problem.

Jocelyn closes her eyes, and pretends to pray.

JOCELYN

Oh Kristen’s God, please save me from your annoying, far-too-sunshiny followers.

She opens her eyes and sees Kristen beaming at her.

JOCELYN

See, you’re God hates me.

KRISTEN

He doesn’t hate you. He loves you more than anybody because you saved ME!

JOCELYN

I just helped you for my own reasons. It wasn’t about saving you. Ugh. Stop saying that.

KRISTEN

Maybe we can be a badass monster fighting team now. “BFFs from Heaven” we can call it.

JOCELYN

Every word in that sentence makes me want to barf.

KRISTEN

But you didn’t say no.

ALICIA

Hey, wait!

She starts running up to them.

JOCELYN

Thank God.

Kristen beams at her.

JOCELYN

I meant another God. One who didn’t ruin my life.

Alicia gets there.

ALICIA

You found a weapon.

Jocelyn looks at the wrench in her hand.

JOCELYN

It’s a basic lug wrench. It would be better if it was a thirty inch adjustable wrench, or large screwdrivers that could be sharpened–

She notices they’re looking at her.

JOCELYN

What? I used to work on cars.

KRISTEN

Because she’s a cool super badass. Even if she is cranky and mean.

JOCELYN

Hey! Just because I don’t want to be your personal albatross bringing in the south wind–

KRISTEN

I don’t even know what that means, silly.

ALICIA

I think I was wrong before. It might be a good idea to work together after all.

KRISTEN

Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

JOCELYN

Oh, you gotta be freaking kidding me!

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Subtext Pointers 2

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to better use subtext pointers to make a scene more interesting. This will make my dialogue and scenes more intriguing and interesting for an audience.

INT. DINNER ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia sits in a bare room. Some scratch marks line the grey concrete wall.

Then a man walks in with a big chicken dinner. Alicia’s eyes go wide as she starts eating right away.

HOST (O.S.)

Thought you might like that.

The Host walks through the door. Alicia looks at the food suspiciously and stops eating.

HOST

Without the cameras on? Please. Have you met me?

Alicia shrugs then keeps eating.

HOST

Consider it a gift from a friend. The rest of them are just getting bread and water.

Alicia almost chokes.

ALICIA

Friend? Have you ever had a friend before?

The Host laughs.

HOST

Of course. I could be a good friend to you. And you need a friend in here, wouldn’t you say?

Alicia thinks.

ALICIA

I mean, of course. I think all six of us in here could use a friend.

The Host smiles smugly.

HOST

Smart girl. I like that. Unfortunately, not everyone’s worthy of my friendship.

ALICIA

And you’re the judge, jury and executioner of all who’s worthy?

HOST

No, just the executioner. Have you not watched the show before? Besides, the audience voted them here for being bad people. Who am I to judge their judgment?

ALICIA

But for little ol’ me–

HOST

I think it’s obvious there’s been a mistake.

(knowingly)

And I think you know that too.

Alicia gulps down the last piece of food, then pushes it away, finally taking it seriously.

ALICIA

If there was a mistake, it would be one I’m willing to pay.

HOST

Why would you want to? And don’t worry, I didn’t come here to swap secrets like schoolgirls after their first fuck. Luckily, I don’t ask much of my friends.

ALICIA

What does–friendship mean?

HOST

It simply means you don’t get in the way of my activities. Like any friend would do for another.

ALICIA

You mean let–

HOST

I mean you need to treat me like a friend and above the scum in here with you. And yes, you know what that means.

Alicia thinks.

HOST

Of course, as a friend, I would be good to you. Maybe even tell you the best way to deal with the hardships life is about to throw your way. There are times when someone can hide from life during the dark times, just to reemerge in the light.

(a beat)

That’s what I do for my friends. The ones that show their friendship and get me where I need to be. Like Bullet.

(a beat)

And those who don’t want my friendship, well, they don’t always reemerge. It really is sad tidings all around.

Alicia just sits there, uncertain.

HOST

Of course, think about it. Everyone has to choose their own path…and the friends they align themselves with.

He starts to leave, then turns back to her.

HOST

You know, crazy thing about chickens. When one gets their head cut off, the body keeps running. Like they don’t know they’re dead even though it’s all over for them.

(a beat)

It’s a sad thing. If only they knew, they might be able to run from that blade before it hits. Enjoy the dinner!

He shrugs and leaves. She just sits there looking at the partially eaten chicken dinner in front of her.

[Matthew Frendo]

<div>Matthew Frendo’s Cover-ups
</div>

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned some awesome methods to cover up subtext and create interesting dialogue. This will make my scripts more interesting and intriguing.

INT. CLOWN CAR – NIGHT

CRASH! The clown car falls to the ground in a heap.

Kristen and Jocelyn just sit there, breathing heavy.

KRISTEN

Why’d the monster leave?

Jocelyn doesn’t answer.

KRISTEN

Where’d the monster go?

Kristen sees Jocelyn’s hand is shaking.

KRISTEN

Wait. Are you actually scared? The big bad punk rocker?

Jocelyn forces her hand to keep still.

JOCELYN

Well, look who decided to grow some balls all of a sudden! Everyone watch for Miss Badass Christian who suddenly isn’t begging to be saved anymore!

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dialogue Structures

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned new techniques on how to create interesting dialogue. These will make my dialogue more intriguing and interesting.

INT. CLOWN CAR – NIGHT

Kristen sits in the car as the creature bangs even harder on the hood, petrified.

The monster moves his hands up to strike the windshield and kill her when she sees–

BOINK! A wrench hits him in the nose. He looks around, confused, and sees Jocelyn standing there, shaking.

He roars loudly. Jocelyn quickly jumps in the car with Kristen.

JOCELYN

Where’d your little God helper go?

KRISTEN

Aww, you really like me.

Jocelyn looks at her, aggravated.

JOCELYN

We’re going to die in a fucking clown car.

KRISTEN

I’m gonna die with my BFF. There are worse ways to–

BAM! The monster slams his hands hard on the top of the car, making it cave in a bit.

KRISTEN

Okay, nevermind, this is not how I want to die! No offense. But you can still by my BFF!

JOCELYN

Death in a clown car. My enemies are going to just love this.

KRISTEN

I still can’t believe you tried to save me.

JOCELYN

I could have just died from a drug overdose. Would have been way more peaceful and way less humiliating.

BAM! The monster hits the top of the car again, denting it more.

KRISTEN

No one ever tries to save me. Usually, they don’t even try to talk to me.

JOCELYN

Never even tried acid. Always thought it might kill me. Fucking irony is the worst.

KRISTEN

Some people even try to hurt me. They think it’s funny, but having someone urinate on you to heal a jellyfish sting that isn’t real isn’t funny.

Jocelyn looks at her with that one.

KRISTEN

But you, you saved me.

JOCELYN

Ninth inning.

KRISTEN

Now I’m confused.

BAM! Monster strikes again. Now, the ceiling is very bent.

JOCELYN

Something my dad said, when he watched baseball in between beating me and drinking himself to death. The ninth inning is where it all comes together or falls apart.

KRISTEN

And we’re coming together! I like that–

The car all of a sudden rises, as the monster is lifting it in his hands.

KRISTEN

May have spoken too soon.

JOCELYN

Could sure use your God to come right about now.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Anticipatory Dialogue

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to use anticipatory dialogue to a higher degree. This will make my scripts more engaging to a reader and audience.

I believe I got all of them in here. And that was without the protagonist being in the scene.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host walks out to thunderous applause.

He waves at the crowd, kissing babies and posing for quick selfies on the way.

He gets to the stage and does a little dance, getting them hyped up.

HOST

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this year’s hunt!

They all cheer louder.

HOST

My prediction is that in, oh–

(checks watch)

–ten minutes or so, we will start what’s certain to be the bloodiest, the most vicious and, hell, the most fun show in the history of the hunts!

They cheer even louder. He walks patiently on the stage.

HOST

Thirty years ago, we started these hunts as a way to give peace. And they have worked. By sacrificing the worst of our society in such a grand and gruesome manner, the Gods of our new world–

He motions to a wall, with the heads of tech leaders on it.

HOST

–found a way to give the rest of us peace. People no longer are scared to walk down the street at night or go to a bad neighborhood. Once we gave them our privacy and let them record everything we do, we made our lives safer. We made our world safer. By sacrificing our individual selves, we made a better tomorrow together.

They all cheer loudly.

HOST

Let’s look at this year’s arena!

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

They pan over an old, abandoned circus.

HOST

This is where our players will meet their greatest fears. Are there weapons stashed they can use? Perhaps. And if history is any indication, they’ll need to find them quick to stay alive. Is there any way out? Not a chance in hell.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host talks to the crowd again.

HOST

Of course, we all know the outcome of these games. It’s all but certain. But no one knows the game itself like my favorite hero, your favorite hero, the only person who has ever survived the hunt, John “Bullet” Atkins!

BULLET (53) stands up. He’s in flashy gear with a big smile. Beautiful women and expensive booze surround him.

HOST

What words do you have for us tonight, hero?

BULLET

My question to you, my friend, is: are you ready for what the players may do when they fight back?

The audience goes silent, then laughter abounds. Bullet and the Host both laugh as well.

HOST

Good one, Bullet. Of course, you were in the hunt back when we used criminals, and you’re toughness got you through. I’ve looked at these players and trust me, they aren’t as tough as you are. Not even as tough as your pinkie. And that will cost them.

BULLET

In that case, I have a warning for everyone in this room–

They all look at him, wondering.

BULLET

–and that is to shield your kid’s eyes, because they’ll be scarred for life after seeing the ultra-violence coming our way tonight!

Everyone cheers louder.

HOST

Thanks, Bullet. We’ll take that warning to heart. Now–

The Host looks odd, like he’s just hearing something, cocking an ear dramatically.

HOST

Hear that?

The audience looks around, straining to hear.

HOST

That right there is the last moment of silence these players will ever hear. Once this starts, they’re monster meat, just like the two-hundred-and-nine miscreants who were massacred before them. Now–

The Host expands his arms wide.

HOST

Let’s start the hunt!

They all cheer.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Contrast Scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create an interesting scene by contrasting visuals and dialogue. This will make the scene interesting on a whole other level for the audience.

INT. ANIMAL CAGE – NIGHT

Jocelyn and Kristen hide in the animal cage, watching as one creature nips at Alicia up in the tree and the other has Nick pinned.

JOCELYN

They’re not gonna make it. And we’ll be next.

A beat of silence.

KRISTEN

I would kill for some nachos right now.

Jocelyn looks at her like she’s crazy.

KRISTEN

I haven’t had nachos for years because I wanted to get noticed by boys. And I so want some cheesy goodness. Maybe with steak even.

(a beat)

None ever did anyway.

JOCELYN

None ever what huh?

KRISTEN

No boys ever noticed me. My Mom said it was because they were offput by my sublime holy energy…but I kinda think she was lying.

JOCELYN

Well…you’re not missing much. All boys ever did to me was fuck me and then fuck me again. The second time not literally.

(a beat)

And yeah, nachos would be awesome.

They sit for a beat, then Kristen quickly gets up, grabbing her stake on the way.

JOCELYN

Where are you going?

Kristen looks at Alicia and Nick, in peril.

KRISTEN

There are no nachos here. Time to stop living in fantasy.

She goes out to help.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s World View scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to find a character’s worldview and then express it in dialogue. This will help differentiate characters from each other and make them stronger for the audience.

Character Name: Kristen
World View: God is in control of everything
Life Metaphor: One of God’s chosen people
Rules and Strategies: -She must be perfect to do good by God. -Can’t violate Biblical rules in the strictest sense. –Must remain positive and happy to show devotion.
Justifications: -Anything good that happens comes from God. -Anything bad that happens is because God is getting her ready for something better. She shouldn’t fight for herself because it shows lack of faith.

Character Name: Jocelyn
World View: the world fucks you over and then you die
Life Metaphor: victim. rebel against everything in life.
Rules and Strategies: drugs and alcohol to take away pain. Stay away from world as much as possible. Be mean to everyone around so they can’t fuck her over again.
Justifications: this is the world, I didn’t make it. If I don’t be mean, they’ll hurt me again. This world hurt me worse than I could ever hurt it.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Kristen nervously sits while Jocelyn sharpens a stick into a point with an old box cutter.

KRISTEN

I can’t wait to get out of here.

Jocelyn looks at her like she’s stupid.

KRISTEN

What? I told you. God’s going to save me.

Jocelyn shakes her head.

JOCELYN

You haven’t been out in the world much, have you?

Kristen just looks down.

KRISTEN

Seen enough.

JOCELYN

Notice how no one’s happy? That’s God for you.

KRISTEN

Nope, that’s because they turned away from God and are bad people. Or because they’re good and God is testing them for something better. That happens to me alot. God always gives me hard situations to test me so I can rise to another level.

JOCELYN

And this–?

KRISTEN

This is a big test. He must be getting me ready for something important.

Jocelyn just shakes her head knowingly.

KRISTEN

Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word for you. I mean, even if you’ve done bad things, and I’m sure you’ve done–

JOCELYN

Oh enough already!

Kristen flinches at the tone.

JOCELYN

Listen, no God is coming to save you. That’s not the way the world works. If anything, if there’s a God, he’s going to fuck you over when you can least deal with it just to make himself laugh.

KRISTEN

I don’t believe that–

JOCELYN

You’re beliefs don’t matter. What matters is reality. And in reality, nothing is good. No God, no people, definitely no shitty tests you might die in. It’s all crap. Everything is crap and anyone who says different is deluding themselves. So, get it together in here, or you’re going to die praying to someone who stopped giving a shit long ago, if he ever did.

Kristen just looks down, tears running down her face.

Jocelyn starts sharpening the stick again, when she notices some scars peeking out from under Kristen’s wristband.

And she knows what they mean.

She moves closer to Kristen, who flinches back.

KRISTEN

No more. I don’t want to hear–

JOCELYN

Shh!

Jocelyn puts the stick in Kristen’s hands.

JOCELYN

This is a stake. It’s not much, but it’s what we have to work with. Now, I’m gonna show you how to use it. In case, you know, the whole God thing doesn’t work like you hope.

She starts to show her.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Traits Live!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to better convey character through dialogue. I also learned how to make a character stronger using a limited amount of traits.

NOTE: I actually used 4 characters in this scene with profiles. I’ll post them all here.

Character Name: Alicia
Character Traits: Protective, Brave, Secretive, Loner

Character Name: Host
Character Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Devious, Charismatic

Character Name: Kristen
Character Traits: caring, self-righteous, covering up, loyal

Character Name: Nick
Character Traits: strong, manipulative, hot-headed, remorseful

At this point, the audience found out Alicia entered the hunt illegally to save her child, who was voted in. They have started to turn to her side and against the Host, for the first time ever, and he is getting desperate to not lose this battle. The buttons are a symbol set up earlier showing her bond with her child. And Jocelyn was a player who didn’t make it.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host stands in front of the crowd, Cheshire cat grin on his smug face.

HOST

This has been one exciting hunt so far…but I got a few more tricks up my sleeve.

The crowd just murmurs.

HOST

We have something new that you are sure to love. Something that will show you just how powerful these sacrifices can be!

Near silence. He starts sweating a bit.

HOST

For the first time ever, the top scientists in the world are showing you what they’ve designed here. They’re known as super monsters and I guarantee you that the players won’t get away from these wretched, bloodthirsty beasts!

The screen behind him fills with a graphic of blood.

He stands, arms outstretched, waiting for a response.

Then, all of a sudden, they explode into a loud applause.

HOST

(to himself, basking in it)

That’s more like it.

Then he realizes–they aren’t looking at him. He looks up at the screen and see it shows Alicia going back to her hiding spot. And they’re cheering for her!

HOST

(to himself)

You gotta be fucking kidding me!

(into headset)

Send ’em in. Fuck the intro and these idiots in the stands!

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Alicia walks back to the strongman cage where she started. She’s entering, when she hears–

4 bells ring out through the arena. She panics.

ALICIA

Four?

She immediately starts running back to her friends, then stops herself. She opens her hand and sees the two buttons in it.

ALICIA

He has to come first. If you don’t make it–

She breaks down in tears, as a scream echos throughout the arena. Then she goes back to the strongman cage, and makes herself sit still and hide, tears running down her cheeks.

OUTSIDE BIG TOP

Kristen runs outside, Josh following.

KRISTEN

Is that creature from hell still in there?

JOSH

You screamed at a mouse? You took down a zombie a few hours ago.

KRISTEN

I don’t like mice. Back when I was young–I just don’t like mice, okay?

JOSH

You’re scared of–

KRISTEN

I’m not scared, I just don’t like them.

(a beat)

And I killed the zombie to save someone. It’s different.

(to herself, realizing)

I killed a zombie to save someone.

She thinks to herself, starting to smile.

KRISTEN

Maybe Jocelyn was right.

She gets sad, looking up at the stars.

KRISTEN

Jocelyn…

OTHER SIDE OF ARENA

Nick hears the four bells, the scream and shakes his head.

NICK

(to himself)

All you needed was yourself and now you’ll die alone. Just like you deserve.

(a beat)

But they don’t have to. You can still make your family proud.

Then he gets up, grabs the axe and starts marching out.

NICK

You fuckers want a fight! Come and fucking fight!

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great Dialogue Scene from THE BIG LEBOWSKI

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to make dialogue work with a character who is the epitome of laid back. I saw how they still made him an active character instead of passive participant and how the attack-counterattack strategy worked.

In this scene, the Dude (whose last name is Lebowski) goes to the house of Lebowski, who is a rich man. Gangsters came to the Dude’s house the night before, thinking he’s the other Lebowski, and peed on his rug. He now wants the money for the rug given back to him. It’s the first time they’ve met (also, the script had no slug lines, but they are in an office FYI).

Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized

wheelchair–Jeff Lebowski.

LEBOWSKI

Okay sir, you’re a Lebowski, I’m a

Lebowski, that’s terrific, I’m very

busy so what can I do for you?

(Right here, the subtext is you’re unimportant and I don’t care about you at all.)

He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him

as Brandt withdraws.

DUDE

Well sir, it’s this rug I have, really

tied the room together-

(This shows the Dude as a nice guy, compared to the other Lebowski.)

LEBOWSKI

You told Brandt on the phone, he

told me. So where do I fit in?

(Subtext: I have no time for you.)

DUDE

Well they were looking for you, these

two guys, they were trying to–

LEBOWSKI

I’ll say it again, all right? You

told Brandt. He told me. I know

what happened. Yes? Yes?

(Subtext grows to I don’t care about you at all.)

DUDE

So you know they were trying to piss

on your rug–

LEBOWSKI

Did I urinate on your rug?

DUDE

You mean, did you personally come

and pee on my–

LEBOWSKI

Hello! Do you speak English? Parla

usted Inglese? I’ll say it again.

Did I urinate on your rug?

(Now he’s outwardly treating him like shit and showing some vague racism, which shows us he’s not a good person…especially compared to the Dude. This is also a great example of attack-counterattack.)

DUDE

Well no, like I said, Woo peed on

the rug–

LEBOWSKI

Hello! Hello! So every time–I

just want to understand this, sir–

every time a rug is micturated upon

in this fair city, I have to

compensate the—

(Attack-counterattack gets bigger.)

DUDE

Come on, man, I’m not trying to scam

anybody here, I’m just–

LEBOWSKI

You’re just looking for a handout

like every other–are you employed,

Mr. Lebowski?

(Subtext is revealed…he doesn’t like Dude because he looks poor.)

DUDE

Look, let me explain something.

I’m not Mr. Lebowski; you’re Mr.

Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s

what you call me. That, or Duder.

His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if,

you know, you’re not into the whole

brevity thing—

(Dude starts to fight back harder with counterattack.)

LEBOWSKI

Are you employed, sir?

DUDE

Employed?

LEBOWSKI

You don’t go out and make a living

dressed like that in the middle of a

weekday.

(Subtext is you’re a piece of shit for not being as rich as I am or do what I think is best.)

DUDE

Is this a–what day is this?

LEBOWSKI

But I do work, so if you don’t mind—

(Subtext is I work so I’m better than you…also it’s an insult to the Dude.)

DUDE

No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds.

This will not stand, ya know, this

will not stand, man. I mean, if

your wife owes—

(Counterattack grows and gets more intense.)

LEBOWSKI

My wife is not the issue here. I

hope that my wife will someday learn

to live on her allowance, which is

ample, but if she doesn’t, sir, that

will be her problem, not mine, just

as your rug is your problem, just as

every bum’s lot in life is his own

responsibility regardless of whom he

chooses to blame. I didn’t blame

anyone for the loss of my legs, some

chinaman in Korea took them from me

but I went out and achieved anyway.

I can’t solve your problems, sir,

only you can.

(Shows Lebowski’s character and attitude and adds deeper attack.)

The Dude rises.

DUDE

Ah fuck it.

(Shows character’s difference from Lebowski…he’s not mean spirited and doesn’t enjoy conflict like this while Lebowski relishes it.)

LEBOWSKI

Sure! Fuck it! That’s your answer!

Tattoo it on your forehead! Your

answer to everything!

(Attack is mocking him.)

The Dude is heading for the door.

LEBOWSKI

Your “revolution” is over, Mr.

Lebowski! Condolences! The bums

lost!

(Mocking him further. Serves as attack and shows his character and moves plot along as it makes them enemies by the end.)

As the Dude opens the door.

LEBOWSKI

…My advice is, do what your parents

did! Get a job, sir! The bums will

always lose– do you hear me,

Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS–

The Dude shuts the door on the old man’s bellowing to find

himself–

HALLWAY

–in a high coffered hallway. Brandt

is approaching.

BRANDT

How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?

DUDE

Okay. The old man told me to take

any rug in the house.

(Final counterattack is Dude just taking what he wants. Shows that he won’t take shit from someone, even if he is more peaceful. Also, sets up the next part of the plot. Subtext is “fuck that guy.”)

Another interesting aspect here is that Dude is losing the attack-counterattack battle all the way through by being a nice guy…but that changes at the end, when he shows his scheming side to win in an underhanded way. This made him an active character, instead of the passive one he seems at first.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Final Scene!

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Jocelyn is kneeling behind a old barrel, wrench in one hand, as she watches the Sasquatch run after Alicia.

JOCELYN

Girl’s got balls. Or no brains.

All of a sudden, she notices Kristen is next to her. She practically jumps out of her skull.

JOCELYN

Holy– Are you part fox?

Kristen whispers the entire scene.

KRISTEN

I’m quiet. And you smell like a brewery. Given that it’s been a couple of hours–

She looks Jocelyn up and down with judgment.

JOCELYN

I’ll be sure to thank your precious Lord for that when I see him.

KRISTEN

Don’t bring God into this. He didn’t make you become a drunk.

JOCELYN

And he didn’t make you annoying. Why are you whispering?

KRISTEN

So the monster doesn’t get us. How drunk are you?

JOCELYN

You literally just saw it run past. How stupid are you?

KRISTEN

That’s true. God saved me.

(looking over Juliet)

I highly doubt he will be saving you.

JOCELYN

No God saved you! No one is saving you! You will die here like the rest of us!

KRISTEN

If I do, I’m not afraid because I’ll go to heaven. Unlike some people.

JOCELYN

Then why are you whispering?

Kristen just stays silent.

JOCELYN

Look, this holy roller shit may work on the outside, but not in here. I heard enough of it. As my dad was beating me, when my school expelled me, and when my first boyfriend left me with a baby to abort on my own. I’ve had enough now.

KRISTEN

Abortion is against God’s plan.

JOCELYN

Yeah? Well, I wish my parents had aborted me. How’s that work for you little bullshit religious views?

Jocelyn smirks as she sees something and pulls Kristen’s wristband down to show old cut marks on her wrists.

JOCELYN

And it looks like you did too.

Kristen pulls them back down and gets up.

KRISTEN

Is it too much to ask that someone is kind of friendly in here? Just like everywhere else I go!

Kristen walks off in a huff, kicking the barrel over as she does.

JOCELYN

Why are you whispering still?

Jocelyn looks down as Kristen walks away, feeling bad.

JOCELYN

(quiet)

And you’re not alone.

Jocelyn pulls her own sleeve down and we see fresh cut marks.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Meanings

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a scene that means different things for each character. This will make interesting scenes that audiences love and really feel.

SITUATION: The hunt just started a few hours ago at this point. Alicia just killed the first monster of the hunt. It’s the first time it’s ever been done in the history of the hunts. Everyone is shocked.

CHARACTERS:

ALICIA: one of the “players of the hunt. She just killed the first monster by accident, which she considers an act of defiance against the unfair system that put her there, and now wants to hide out the rest of the time until it’s safe.

HOST: the Host is getting a promotion after this night. Alicia killing the monster just put that in possible jeopardy, so he wants to make sure the promotion goes through at any cost.

AUDIENCE: they want a good, exciting show.

OTHER PLAYERS: they all want to survive

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host watches on the screen as Alicia pokes the sasquatch with a stick to make sure it’s dead.

HOST

(to himself)

Of course, this would happen tonight.

He gives a covert glace at Alex and Bullet behind the stage.

HOST

(to himself)

Find a way to use it to your advantage or your done.

ALEX

Holy shit. Has that ever happened before?

Bullet slowly shakes his head.

BULLET

She killed–

CUT TO–

AUDIENCE MEMBERS TALKING

AUDIENCE MEMBER #1

–Bigfoot. When’s the last time someone’s killed a monster in the hunt?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2

I’ve seen all thirty years and never has no one done that right there.

AUDIENCE MEMBER #1

Damn, this will be an exciting year!

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2

Now, we gotta really think on what we send after her next.

(looks at tablet)

Well, that’s a new idea–

The other audience member strains to see and smiles at what he sees.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Alicia flips the camera off with a defiant smirk and starts walking the other way.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host gives a creepy smile and shakes his head.

HOST

Don’t get too cocky yet, girl. You won’t last much longer.

He turns to the crowd.

HOST

Did I tell you it would be a great show or what?

They cheer.

HOST

Now, let’s see what you voted on next.

He looks at the screen and his creepy grin gets wider.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Alicia is walking back to her hiding spot when she hears a bell. She walks faster. Then she hears a second bell.

She stops.

ALICIA

Fuck. Maybe the middle finger was too much.

She starts running.

INT. BIG TOP – NIGHT

Josh and Stan are hiding under a tarp.

JOSH

Oh fuck.

STAN

What? What is it, man?

JOSH

Two bells.

STAN

What the fuck does that mean, man?

INT. BUS – NIGHT

Nick looks out the window, almost manic.

NICK

Two bells? That’s the–

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host claps with the crowd.

HOST

–first time it’s ever been done! The players will now be forced to face two creatures at once!

The crowd cheers.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Directional FOS patterns

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create strong subtext using literary devices. This will help my scripts become alive and provide a deeper experience for the audience.

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

Alex and Bullet watch as the Host loses it in anger on stage, before looking at Alex and regaining composure with a nervous smile.

He ambles over to Alex and Bullet, trying to be nonchalant.

ALEX

Everything okay?

HOST

Why? What did Deb say?

Alex smiles softly and replies evenly.

ALEX

Haven’t talked to her. I’m sure she has complete faith in you.

HOST

As she should. I’ve handled worse situations since back before you were in diapers.

Alex and Bullet watch as the Host strides back on stage, sweating bullets.

ALEX

Lot of sacrifices over the years.

BULLET

Yep.

ALEX

You know, he supposedly based this off of ancient cultural practices?

BULLET

Yep.

ALEX

Sacrifices back then were done to gain favor from the Gods. While the practice may be frowned upon now, they had a noble reason for it.

Bullet looks at him, silent.

ALEX

Other times, when their clan drifted from morality, sacrifice was done just to create a hierarchy in society. When it turns to that, the whole point is lost and the nobility goes out the door. It just becomes thugs killing for power.

(looks at Bullet hard)

And no society, then or now, can survive with such people at the top.

Bullet just watches, silent.

The Host comes back again.

HOST

Don’t worry. These little shits will be dead in no time. And the people will fall in line again. Trust me.

Alex shrugs and gives a slick smile.

ALEX

Never had any doubt.

The Host grins, relieved.

HOST

Good! Good.

The Host walks off, sweating, as Alex and Bullet share a look.

ALEX

Of course, anyone who helps eliminate a danger to our society brings honor to themselves. Ironically, they often take the position the first person always wanted. Just sayin’.

Alex walks off, as Bullet thinks.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dialogue Cover-ups

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create subtext in dialogue. This will make the scripts more emotional and interesting for reader / viewer.

INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT

Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.

She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.

They whisper through the entire scene.

ALICIA

I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.

AIDEN

It’s not that. I don’t care about that.

She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.

ALICIA

What is it?

He shrugs.

AIDEN

I can’t say.

ALICIA

It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.

He lowers his whisper anyway.

AIDEN

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.

ALICIA

Don’t worry. Mom will–

AIDEN

She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.

ALICIA

(muttering)

That fucking bitch.

(back to Aiden)

Sorry. Don’t repeat that.

He looks at her, pleading.

AIDEN

Please don’t go.

Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.

ALICIA

I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.

He cries harder.

AIDEN

How am I going to make it without you?

ALICIA

I’ll always be with you. Look…

She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.

She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.

ALICIA

You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.

She gingerly puts it around his neck.

AIDEN

What if you…don’t come back.

Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears.

ALICIA

I’ll come back, buddy. Not even worried about it.

– Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.

Alicia just forces a smile, then gives him the biggest hug of all time.
– Action incongruent with words.

Alicia pulls out a blade, hiding it on her wrist as she says “don’t worry. There’s no danger.”
– Change subject.

Alicia asks if he saw the new video from his favorite band yet.
– Attack back.

Alicia says angrily, “there’s no way I’m not coming back. Don’t even say it!”
– Complement them.

Alicia says, “you look good in that new Captain America shirt.”
– Threaten them

Alicia says, “Don’t’ever doubt me again! Or I will leave for good.”
– Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.

Alicia says, “It definitely won’t be easy.”
– Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a
different direction.

Alicia says, “that’s not what you need to worry about. You need to worry about what kind of birthday party you want to have when I come back.”
– Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.

Alicia hardens up and walks out of the room.
– Distraction.

Alicia says “So, I was thinking we rent the new Peacemaker movie tonight.”
– Make a joke of it.

Alicia says, “on the plus side, I’ll probably be the prettiest one in the hunt.”
– Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.

Alicia says, “These will also be a great fashion accessory. Make you the most popular boy in school.”

INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT

Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.

She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.

They whisper through the entire scene.

ALICIA

I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.

AIDEN

It’s not that. I don’t care about that.

She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.

ALICIA

What is it?

He shrugs.

AIDEN

I can’t say.

ALICIA

It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.

He lowers his whisper anyway.

AIDEN

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.

ALICIA

Don’t worry. Mom will–

AIDEN

She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.

ALICIA

(muttering)

That fucking bitch.

(back to Aiden)

Sorry. Don’t repeat that.

He looks at her, pleading.

AIDEN

Please don’t go.

Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.

ALICIA

I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.

He cries harder.

AIDEN

How am I going to make it without you?

ALICIA

I’ll always be with you. Look…

She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.

She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.

ALICIA

You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.

She gingerly puts it around his neck.

AIDEN

What if you…don’t come back?

Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears and gives a shrug.

ALICIA

It definitely won’t be easy.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Symbol

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create symbols that will be meaningful in a script. This will connect the audience to the script at a deeper level and add a new layer.

BACKSTORY: Alicia’s son gets called into the hunt over a misunderstanding. She illegally switches their bracelets, so she will go in instead of him. In this scene, she’s saying her goodbye. He’s scared to be without her.

1. INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL through its meaning early in the story.

In first scene, when Alicia is telling her son she’s about to go into the hunt, Alicia takes two buttons off of her shirt (because she has nothing else to give) that are spattered with their blood from before and makes a necklace out of them, one for each.

2. SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY enough so that just its presence
will cause an audience response.

When he says he’s afraid to be without her, she tells him that these buttons, with their blood are connected. And whenever they look at it, they’ll know the other is always with them. She tells him that it will give them strength to fight evil when it faces them and they have to fight it alone.

3. USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE in the characters or
their situation. This is where a symbol is powerful.

At climax battle, Alicia is about to lose…when she sees her child’s button in her hand, remembers the lesson she taught him and uses it to fight back and win.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Subtext Scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned more about what subtext is and how to create it in a scene. This will help scripts be felt by an audience and get them committed to the journey.

BACKGROUND: At this point, things have gone wrong for the Host. His first plot against Alicia failed and the audience turned on him for her. They are still not on his side and it looks like everything he worked for could be in jeopardy.

1. What is the meaning of the subtext? He has a hidden plan to win that no one knows about.
2. What is the cover-up? The cover up is something is off, because he doesn’t seemed stressed at all, which he should be.
3. When will the meaning be revealed? Before, during, or after? After. Near the end of the script.
4. How will the meaning be revealed? She will be in the final battle, when he will reveal his “insurance policy” – a chip in her head that disorients all her senses and gives the monster attacking her a huge advantage.

SCENE DESIGN: Something is off.

INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT

Bullet walks backstage to find the Host whistling happily, as he gets a small plate of food off of the lavish display.

BULLET

You seem…happy.

The Host gives him a big grin.

HOST

Good food, good drinks and the last night in this miserable hellhole. What’s not to be happy about?

Bullet glances at the stage and then back at the Host.

BULLET

Have you been watching what’s going on?

HOST

Of course. I was there.

BULLET

You may not have a job after this, man. Let alone move up–

The Host giggles.

HOST

Oh, Bullet, what I would give for your childlike innocence.

BULLET

Ain’t nothing about me childlike.

HOST

You should get some food. Relax.

Bullet lowers his voice.

BULLET

Hey man, I’m trying to look out for you here. The audience almost revolted back there, your monsters aren’t killing anything and I’ve overheard those motherfuckers say that they won’t promote you if you can’t fix it. And you’re back here eating fucking brie and salmon?

The Host smiles.

HOST

You’ve known me a long time now, Bullet. How would you describe me?

Bullet shrugs, looking away.

HOST

It’s okay. You can be honest.

BULLET

You’re a slimy, devious, dirtbag motherfucker.

The Host laughs loud.

BULLET

I mean, you got some good sides too–

The Host shakes his head.

HOST

No, no I don’t. But that’s okay. Just think about this–

He gets up close to Bullet, right in his face.

HOST

Why would a slimy, devious, dirtbag motherfucker be happy in this situation?

Bullet thinks for a minute, then looks back at him.

BULLET

What do you got up your sleeve?

The Host cackles again, then starts to walk back to the stage.

HOST

Make sure you watch the show. Things are going to get interesting.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Subtext relationship

WHAT i LEARNED: I learned how to write subtext into a scene to heighten the effect. I also learned how to put subtexts together that will lead to more interesting situations.

Character Name: Alicia

Subtext Identity: Secretive contestant

Character Traits: Protective, Brave, Secretive, Loner

Subtext Logline: Alicia is a secretive contestant who is hiding the fact that her little brother is really her son, conceived after her father raped her.

Possible areas of subtext: gets quiet whenever talk about family is brought up, stifles talk about brother, overprotective of brother on stage, loses it when someone talks about listening to family or elders, tries to be alone

Character Name: Kristen

Subtext Identity: Christian girl covering up problems

Character Traits: caring, self-righteous, covering up, loyal

Subtext Logline: Kristen is a Christian girl who uses religion to cover up the fact that she has no friends and is suicidal.

Possible areas of subtext: talks about religion constantly, keeps talking up her relationship to God as the only thing that matters, changes subject when emotions or feelings are brought up, stickler for Christian rules

Character Name: Nick

Subtext Identity: weaselly contestant

Character Traits: strong, weaselly, hot-headed, remorseful

Subtext Logline: Nick is an weasally contestant who entered the games willingly to try and get money for his girlfriend’s artificial leg after a tragic accident

Possible areas of subtext: won’t talk about home life, won’t talk about why he was picked for the games, gets pissed whenever someone pushes him about anything, tries to talk people into doing things that will help him survive

INT. BIG TOP – NIGHT

The group stands there, covered in blood and grime…but awestruck. Josh paces excitedly.

JOSH

I can’t believe we took out three! Hardened criminals couldn’t take out one and we took out three!

NICK

Yeah, you put in a lot of work there.

JOSH

Hey, I found the weapons.

NICK

And I used the weapons.

KRISTEN

Guys, let’s not forget who we really need to thank here–

They all turn to Alicia.

KRISTEN

–God.

They all groan.

JOCELYN

Why would you bring up God while we’re in Dante’s nightmare?

KRISTEN

Just saying, that’s why we all lived. Because I’m here and me and God have a special relationship–

STAN

Is this gonna turn into God porn?

Kristen looks at him like he’s the devil incarnate.

KRISTEN

Eww, no. Sex is forbidden until marriage.

(a beat)

But if I was going to give my delicate flower to somebody–

They all turn away, groaning again.

ALICIA

On that note–

She gives a small wave and starts walking off.

She looks back and sees that everyone has followed her. They nonchalantly look around when she looks back.

She walks again. Same result when she turns around.

She tries on more time, then finally turns on them.

ALICIA

What?

JOCELYN

Just sayin’, you know–

JOSH

We beat three! If we stay together, we can beat all the others!

JOCELYN

Yeah. What he said, but less eager and lame.

KRISTEN

I was coming to help you, not me. I figured, with my God connect and all–

They groan again.

ALICIA

Oh, make no mistake. This–

(motions to them as a group)

–was a mistake. I’m not here to save anybody. I just want to hide until this thing’s over and get out. If little miss ray of sunshine over here hadn’t been singing next to me, of all fucking things, I would still be there now.

NICK

Maybe not. Maybe it would have found you. Maybe you would be dead in the gutter without us.

KRISTEN

Maybe my singing was you being protected by–

(stops, looks around at their glares)

Nevermind. Go with the you’d be dead thing.

STAN

If anyone cares, my votes for not dying.

JOSH

Yeah, mine too.

NICK

Think of your family. They–

Alicia just looks away.

NICK

You got family, right? They’re probably watching proud of you right–

ALICIA

They’re not watching. And if they are, they’re not proud.

KRISTEN

Surely someone’s watching. Your mom or sister or brother–

Alicia cuts her off with a glare that could make a serial killer wither.

KRISTEN

Or, you know, whatever.

Nick steps in front of her, looking at her directly.

NICK

Do you really want to be the one who lets us all die?

ALICIA

I’m not responsible for any of you.

JOSH

It’s the only chance we have.

Alicia sits, thinking on it, when–

BLAAAARRREEE!

INTERCOM

Dinner break. Report to the animal cages to be fed.

STAN

They’re feeding us like animals?

JOSH

I’m just glad we made it to dinner! We’re the first ones to do so!

Alicia and the rest walk on.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Subtext Characters

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create more interesting characters through subtext. This will help my scripts be stronger and more compelling.

I’m really glad we did this a second time. I understand it WAY better now and my characters became WAY stronger because of it.

Character Name: Alicia

Subtext Identity: Secretive contestant

Character Traits: Protective, Brave, Secretive, Loner

Subtext Logline: Alicia is a secretive contestant who is hiding the fact that her little brother is really her son, conceived after her father raped her.

Possible areas of subtext: gets quiet whenever talk about family is brought up, stifles talk about brother, overprotective of brother on stage, loses it when someone talks about listening to family or elders, tries to be alone

Character Name: Host

Subtext Identity: devious game show host

Character Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Devious, Charismatic

Subtext Logline: The Host is a devious “game show” host who enjoys making the players squirm before they die.

Possible areas of subtext: makes players squirm on stage, sets up difficult situations in games, makes jokes when bad things happen to them, makes life harder for them whenever he can

Character Name: Kristen

Subtext Identity: Christian girl covering up problems

Character Traits: caring, self-righteous, covering up, loyal

Subtext Logline: Kristen is a Christian girl who uses religion to cover up the fact that she has no friends and is suicidal.

Possible areas of subtext: talks about religion constantly, keeps talking up her relationship to God as the only thing that matters, changes subject when emotions or feelings are brought up, stickler for Christian rules

Character Name: Nick

Subtext Identity: evasive contestant

Character Traits: strong, evasive, hot-headed, remorseful

Subtext Logline: Nick is an evasive contestant who entered the games willingly to try and get money for his girlfriend’s artificial leg after a tragic accident

Possible areas of subtext: won’t talk about home life, won’t talk about why he was picked for the games, gets pissed whenever someone pushes him about anything, tries to stay apart from group

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great Subtext Scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned what subtext actually is and how it works in a script, as well as how to create it. This will make scripts more interesting and intriguing for an audience.

Script chosen: DESPERADO

In this scene, the Mariachi has already gotten a reputation for killing drug dealers. He walks into a bar that is run by dealers who have heard of his antics. All they know is that a Mariachi is killing people. When he enters, they fear he might be the one they have heard about–

INT. TARASCO BAR – DAY

Mariachi pushes open the door, and as the door hits the wall, the high note ends. Cuts off, actually. All is silent.

NOTE: the bartender and bar guests are really drug dealers pretending to be regular bar people…so that right there is subtext.

He stands at the door for a lost moment, SCOPING out the room. Short Bartender sees him and notices the GUITAR CASE.·He looks from the case to Mariachi’s face several times. Mariachi begins his waJk towards the bar.

The other Rogues notice the case, and follow Mariachi with their eyes as he walks past them to the counter.

NOTE: Right here, the bar goers have heard of the Mariachi who is killing criminals. And they are fearful it’s him, but don’t want to show it.

SHORT BARTENDER

(suddenly) What do you want?

Mariachi stops in his tracks. He’s in the middle of the room. Short Bartender seems uneasy and overly cautious.

NOTE: The bartender doesn’t care what he wants. He’s nervous because this Mariachi could kill him.

MARIACH

I rm looking for work.

SHORT BARTENDER

There’s no work here.

Bartender’s suspicious eyes are rapidly darting between Mariachi and the guitar case he’s carrying.

NOTE: What bartender is really saying is “I want you to leave now.”

MARIACHI

Is there something to drink?

SHORT BARTENDER

Is there- something in the case?

Beat. A verbal standoff. ·

NOTE: What the bartender is really asking…”is the case full of weapons?”

MARIACHI

(shrugs)

My guitar. I’m a musician.

Mariachi is laying the guitar case on the floor.

MARIACHI·

Are· you sure you don’t want to hear me play_ before you say there’s no work?

Before Mariachi can open the first latch, he has TWO GUNS pointed at his head.

NOTE: He is the killer Mariachi and is trying to either hide it or get his guns out…we don’t know yet.

SHORT BARTENDER

Get away from that case! We just want to take a look inside … If it’s what you say it is you can drink all you want.·

NOTE: Now we see what they are really worried about.

MARIACHI

I told you. I’m a musician, and this is my guitar.

Mariachi UNSNAPS one of the latches.

SHORT BARTENDER

Leave it alone! (to the others) Get him away from that case!

Mariachi is violently jerked up into· a standing position. He RAISES HIS HANDS halfway. ONE ROGUE has a gun on Mariachi’s temple. The O1HER ROGUE is OPENING the Guitar case. Short Bartender seems to be at his wits end.

MARIACHI

( to the Case Opener)

Careful with that. It’s an heirloom.

SHORT BARTENDER

What is it?

MARIACHI

( to Short Bartender)

It’s old.

The Case Opener UNSNAPS another latch. ALL EYES are on the CASE … Except for the Rogue with the gun to Mariachi’s temple … He’s staring coldly into Mariachi’s eyes … studying him.

SHORT BARTENDER

Hurry it up!

NOTE: His nerves show here…and his fear of getting killed, which he’s trying to keep hidden in the bar.

The last latch UNSNAPS. The CASE LID is opening … Mariachi’s eyes quickly SEARCH the room. Short Bartender is leaning over the bar … STRAWING to see … The Case Opener turns to Short Bartender.·

CASEOPENER

It’s a guitar.

Short Bartender gets a clear view of the case. So do we.

It is a GUITAR..

NOTE: this gives the Mariachi his alias…covering up who he really is.

The Rogue with the gun pointed at Mariachi’s head looks to Short Bartender for further instructions. Short Bartender motions for him to let him go. Rogue LOWERS his gun, and begins to walk back to his seat ..

Mariachi takes a deep, nerves calming breath as the FAKE GUITAR TOP silently begins to RlSE up on it’s HINGES, creaking … slowly revealing an arsenal of WEAPONRY beneath it .. No one sees this as it happens .

NOTE: Now it’s revealed…he is the killer Mariachi. But they don’t see it yet.

SHORT BARTENDER

I’m sorry. But we’ve all heard stories of the bastard that runs around with a guitar case full of guns. We just had to be sure.

NOTE: Now he comes clean about his true intentions earlier. The Mariachi now knows he is scared…which means he’s also a dealer.

Mariachi takes another deep breath. We slide into slow .motion.

The Case Opener turns to close the case. He SEES the weapons that are now magically before him.

CASE OPENER

It’s HIM!!!

Mariachi raises his hands the FULL DISTANCE. The countdown begins …

NOTE: Now, everything is out in the open. He knows they’re scared of him and they know who he really is.

The ROGUE that had a gun on Mariachi turns and sees the WEAPONS in the case. He throws Mariachi a cold, hard stare.

The Case Opener pushes the case far away from Mariachi. The Short Bartender SEES the weapons …

SHORT BARTENDER

Shoot him …

NOTE: Now all the subtext has vanished and a full on battle is happening. At this point, a huge gun battle emerges.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

I read both versions. Are you taking the other stuff out altogether or just for this read? Because I would def leave the other stuff with Isiah in there. It was very impactful and made it an interesting read.

The stuff with Isiah is great and gives a strong internal and external conflict.

I like Sully as a doctor this time around.

The dialogue and descriptions are well done.

There are 2 areas of description I would look at:

1) There’s a place where you use the same term (“handful of”) twice back to back. It might be better to change one to something else to vary it up.

The lines are:

A handful sterile rooms in an open concept area – a beacon of minimalism.

And the handful of medical staff on autopilot.

2) I think the description of Sully may be too long and too non-visual.

A third doctor, SULLY, comes out of nowhere.

He’s been eternally walking on a tight rope for years, maintaining a balancing act between professional and childish, amazing father and a man who never wanted kids. Why is he here? Because he loves making things work more than making love.

I think the lesson said to limit non-visuals to a certain degree. It can also just be cut down in general.

For example:

In walks SULLY, a man-child who loves fixing things more than sex. (then let his actions show what kind of father he is) or…

In walks Sully, a man-child whose obsession with fixing things led to a divorce and life as a single father.

You get the idea…

Overall, great job! I love where you’re taking the story!

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Page Turner!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to make a scene more impactful using the writing with boldness techniques. This will make it a better read and more exciting script.

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – DAY

The Host, still in his unkempt suit, trods through the circus grounds near the merry-go-round, bitterness etched into his face.

He stops, and takes a big step back, eyeing the Venus flytrap the way one thief looks at another.

HOST

You ain’t gonna get me, motherfucker.

He leans against a merry-go-round horse and breathes deep. He looks at everything around him with disdain.

HOST

(to himself)

They ain’t gonna kill you here. If that idiot bitch and her gang of obtuse morons can make it, then you can make it. You know these games better than anyone. All you need to do is survive the next–

He looks at his watch. As he does, we see a cannibal clown slowly creep up on his left like a fox stalking its prey.

HOST

(to himself)

–one hour-eleven minutes and you’ll be free. Hell, they’ll probably still make you Minister, the way you play that braindead audience.

We see a zombie clumsily walking up on his right with eyes hungrier than a starving wolf in winter.

HOST

So, in a way, I’ve basically won. This will be a peace of cake. I just–

RRAAHH! The cannibal clown lunges on his left.

BLAAWW! The zombie comes at him from his right.

SHRIIIILLLLL! Right before they both get to him, he blows the same whistle he gave Nick earlier.

Only this time, it works.

Both monsters stop, as if in a daze.

He gets up, whistle in his hand, and starts walking backwards away from them, sneering.

HOST

Told him it works. Stupid kid. Some people are so incompetent–

CRUNCH! PTOOEY! The Venus flytrap quickly bites off half of the Host’s body and flings it to the other side of the circus like a morbid hibachi chef entertaining a crowd.

The flytrap belches, as the lower half of the Host’s body crumples to the ground.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Writing is Bold!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to write description that conveys emotion to the reader. This will make future scripts more engaging and interesting for the reader.

ORIGINAL SCENE:

Halfway through, she looks up to find the smiling face of The Host looking down on her.

THE HOST

Figured you might like that.

She looks down at the burger, suspiciously, as she inches back away from him. The Host chuckles.

THE HOST

No, nothing like that. If you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of ways to kill you that aren’t so…cowardly.

She looks again at the burger, shrugs, and keeps eating, but sits farther back.

THE HOST

No, that was a gift. An offering if you will.

ALICIA

Offerings are usually made to the Gods.

THE HOST

This is a different kind. This one is for an offering of friendship.

Alicia looks at him, incredulous.

ALICIA

Friendship?

He nods enthusiastically, all smiles. Alicia sits up and tries to be nonchalant–

With Alicia’s seething anger–

Halfway through, she looks up to find the smiling face of The Host looking down on her and her eyes become lasers, only focused on him.

THE HOST

Figured you might like that.

She looks at the burger suspiciously, then hurls it at the wall. The Host chuckles.

THE HOST

No, nothing like that. If you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of ways to kill you that aren’t so…cowardly.

She looks at the burger on the ground, sets her jaw firmly and scoots her chair farther back from him. She can’t take being this close.

THE HOST

No, that was a gift. An offering if you will.

ALICIA

Offerings are usually made to the Gods.

THE HOST

This is a different kind. This one is for an offering of friendship.

Alicia’s glare turns hateful, as she hisses at him–

ALICIA

Friendship?

He nods enthusiastically, all smiles. Alicia sits up and spits in his face.

With disdain for Host–

Halfway through, she looks up to find the sneering face of The Host looking down on her.

THE HOST

Figured you might like that.

She looks down at the burger, suspiciously, as she inches back away from him. The Host chuckles like a loon.

THE HOST

No, nothing like that. If you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of ways to kill you that aren’t so…cowardly.

She looks again at the burger, shrugs, and keeps eating, but sits farther back.

THE HOST

No, that was a gift. An offering if you will.

ALICIA

Offerings are usually made to the Gods.

THE HOST

This is a different kind. This one is for an offering of friendship.

Alicia looks at him, incredulous. He just glares back with a sadistic smile. And it’s unnerving her.

ALICIA

Friendship?

He nods, eyes filled with malice and wickedness. Alicia sits up and tries to be nonchalant–

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s “Extreme emotion!”

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to convey emotion properly in a description. This will make my script more enjoyable and engaging to the reader.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

The guards shove them inside. The last guard pushes Alicia down hard, sneering at her.

None of them speak because no one knows what to say.

Alicia staggers to her feet.

ALICIA

So, that’s why I’m here.

Silence all around.

ALICIA

I know I lied, but–

KRISTEN

Are you fucking serious?

Alicia glances at her.

KRISTEN

You think we’re gonna be mad you lied?

Alicia shrugs, uncertain.

JOSH

I am so fucking in awe of you.

KRISTEN

Seriously, you’re like fucking Jesus.

Alicia gives a slight grin.

KRISTEN

You sacrficed way more than I ever would.

JOSH

Ever.

Alicia starts to smile, then stops.

ALICIA

Guys…

She looks away.

ALICIA

I can’t take the chance on that dickhead putting him in here.

KRISTEN

He won’t dare. You see how much the crowd was on our side?

Alicia just looks down.

JOSH

She’s not going to fight with us anymore.

KRISTEN

That’s not what she’s saying.

(to Alicia)

That’s not what you’re saying, is it?

Alicia can’t look at them out of shame.

ALICIA

Our plan worked too well.

KRISTEN

What the fuck does that mean?

JOSH

I saw it too. They liked us too much.

KRISTEN

What the hell did you guys secretly see?

JOSH

We needed them to like us enough to let us live. They liked us enough to possibly overthrow their entire system. Now, he has to make an example.

KRISTEN

Oh…fuck.

Alicia starts walking away, unable to say any more.

Before she goes far, Nick catches up with her.

NICK

Hey, I know I’m persona non grata. But just so you know, if I get out and you…

(a beat)

Well, I’ll make sure nothing happens to your brother. Ever.

Alicia nods.

ALICIA

I’ll do the same for your girl.

He nods, gulping hard, then walks off on his own.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Visuals

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create more interesting and engaging visual descriptions. This will help the story be more readable, immersive and fun to read.

Descriptions from:

ARMY OF DARKNESS

mid twenties, square jaw firmly set, a pair of haunted eyes which dart about quickly in fear, with urgency, nestled in a dark forest, Through the window, we see the tiny figure of Ash picking up a book from a desk.

flips through the pages from the BOOK, inscribed on the pages. Illustrations of demonic faces with white eyes. wind-like demon, swooping low through the woods toward the cabin. CAMERA rips through the cabin door and comes upon a SCREAMING Ash.

twisting into a claw, before the flashing thunder clouds, severs his hand from his wrist with the chainsaw, sweep past the moon, recites the incantation from the, The Time vortex is created. Trees and a 1973 Delta 88 Oldsmobile are sucked up into the funnel cloud.

Ash, now armed with shotgun and chainsaw, is swallowed by the funnel-cloud of the Time vortex.

Ash is rocketing through a funnel of swirling clouds. He is swept away from us, hand over foot, through the dark void of Time.

swirls through blackness as a chorus of women’s voices build to eerie crescendo, from a musical note to a SCREAM. The smoke swirls, pulls in upon itself, like a thing alive, and forms the words:

The smoke is wisked away, then reforms as…

The title billows past CAMERA REVEALING…

its hands winding backwards at an insane rate, spins angrily past, revealing other debris that has been swept up into this funnel cloud. Tumbling weightless through this void we find…

He SCREAMS but there is no sound. No scream. Only the steady BEATING of his heart.

He shields his eyes from a sudden bright light. The funnel cloud electrifies.

RIPS at the fabric of Time.

All is quiet. Then, an electrical disturbance in the shape of a human body flashes briefly and is gone. A moment latter, Ash appears and tumbles from the sky, falling past CAMERA.

ASH falls to the dust. His double barrelled shotgun lands beside him. The ’73 Oldsmobile comes CRASHING to the ground a moment later.

looks up from the dust to behold…

in 12th century armor ride up over a hill. They halt before Ash.

thrusts his longsword into the air, shouting:

stares in confusion at the strange medieval figures.

join in the chant and hail Ash, but suddenly stop as…

the muscular commander of the group, gallops his horse into frame, followed by FOUR HORSEMEN who are his lieutenants. Arthur lifts his iron visor and evaluates Ash.

The Delta 88 Oldsmobile. The chainsaw, strapped to Ash’s back. The handless stump of Ash’s right arm. The Shotgun.

waves a shaky hand.

An elderly man, in a long black cloak, steps forward.

Brings his sword down across Ash’s chest. Ash cries out in pain as…

is cut. A thin red gash.

and CAMERA PANS to four prisoners bound in iron shackles.

charges his horse at Ash. But he is met with the wooden stock of Ash’s shotgun as it swings into frame, cracking against his jaw.

He tumbles from the horse.

leaps atop Gold Tooth’s horse and jerks the reigns.

rears up, kicking it’s hooves into the air.

gallops off as Warrior #2 runs at him. Ash kicks him in the face as he gallops past. The Warrior is sent reeling.

galloping over a hill. He is almost thrown by the horse, but manages to hang on for dear life.

A. Concrete noun-

Old: Right then, a police officer dressed in all black hits him with a baton HARD.

New: A cop in all black smashes the rioter’s face with a baton.

B. Action verb:

Old: She walks up to Kristen quickly.

New: Alicia dashes to Kristen’s side.

C. Metaphor:

Old: Nick looks at Alicia, but she’s just watching the stage.

New: Nick looks at Alicia, but her eyes are lasers, solely fixed on the Host as he prances around the stage.

D. Exaggeration:

Old: The crowd cheers so loud nothing else can be heard.

New: The sound of their cheers could drown out an elephant stampede and heavy metal concert at once.

E. Comparison:

Old: Alicia settles into the cage, as far into the corner to hide as possible.

New: Alicia settles in the cage like a hamster building it’s nest for the night.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Hope/Fear in action

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to make a scene more interesting by alternating hope and fear to keep the audience on their toes. This will make the script a more interesting read and more interesting film.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

In this scene, the monster Bigfoot is stalking Alicia and Kristen, who are hiding in some trees and bushes.

a. Bigfoot finds Alicia

b. Alicia runs as Bigfoot gives chase

c. Alicia kills Bigfoot on accident and barely survives

(FEAR) A. Alicia and Kristen are found by Bigfoot

(HOPE) B. They both run away, Kristen hiding fast.

(FEAR) C. Alicia runs and Bigfoot follows close behind

(HOPE) D. Alicia makes it to games section and slides under first game booth, barely escaping

(FEAR) E. Bigfoot starts smashing game booth

(HOPE) F. Alicia blasts Bigfoot with water cannon in booth in eyes

(FEAR) G. Bigfoot roars, more pissed than before

(HOPE) H. Alicia is hiding

(FEAR) I. Bigfoot finds her after some anticipation from search

(HOPE) J. Alicia escapes

(FEAR) K. Bigfoot faces Alicia pissed…and she has nowhere to go

(HOPE) L. Bigfoot attacks her, tripping over an electrical wire as he lands in the game that’s done in water, electrocuting himself to death

(FEAR) M. The water seeps over the edge…coming right at Alicia

(HOPE) N. Alicia jumps on a game ledge just in time, saving herself

EXT. FOREST AREA – NIGHT

Kristen and Alicia still wait and hide. Both whisper throughout the scene.

KRISTEN

You think he’s gone?

ALICIA

No idea.

KRISTEN

But like, do you think he’s gone?

ALICIA

No idea. Be quiet.

KRISTEN

But I’m saying do you think, not do you know–

Alicia turns back to look at her.

ALICIA

The Christian part of you isn’t the annoying part.

Kristen smiles.

KRISTEN

Aww, thanks! I swear, it’s like we’re BFF’s already–

But Alicia is looking past her, eyes wide.

ALICIA

Shh…

KRISTEN

Hey, that’s not the way BFF’s treat each other–

Alicia slowly points behind Kristen. Kristen turns around and sees Bigfoot is just three feet from them, looking in another direction.

ALICIA

(soft whisper)

Whatever you do, be quiet.

KRISTEN

Aah!

Bigfoot turns to them as Kristen screams and runs out. Alicia looks at him, he roars, and she takes off too.

Kristen jumps into an animal cage, hiding.

Alicia tries to, but there’s no more room. She sees Bigfoot coming at her and dashes away.

Bigfoot chases. He almost has got her, when she cuts to the right, saving herself just in time.

He keeps after her as she comes to the Games area. She quickly slides under one of the game counters just as–

SMASH! Bigfoot brings his mighty fist down on it.

Alicia looks at the game she’s in. It’s the one where you shoot water guns to win a race.

ALICIA

I hope these still work.

She grabs a water pistol and comes up just as Bigfoot is about to smash again. She shoots him in the eyes.

He roars and staggers back, wiping the water from his eyes.

Then he looks around…and can’t find her anywhere.

He looks in the game booth – not there.

He slowly starts stalking around. He looks in a nearby middle booth – not there.

He slowly moves closer – and we see Alicia is crouched under the counter of the next booth over.

She breathes softly, listening. Can’t hear anything. She starts to relax when–

ROAR! His face is right in front of her, bending over the booth from the other side.

ALICIA

Aah!

She quickly gets out and jumps over the booth counter.

Now, she’s facing him. He looks at her, licking his lips in anticipation of a fresh meal.

He comes at her – she jumps to the side.

He comes again – she barely gets away.

She walks back a few steps as he roars in displeasure.

But there’s nowhere else for Alicia to go. In front of her is the game filled with water and behind her is open road.

Bigfoot rushes at her, arms raised, looking to finish it. But as he comes at her, he trips over an electrical wire.

And lands in the game filled with water!

ZZTZZT! Bigfoot is electrocuted in the water.

Alicia sees the water that spilled over coming towards her. She quickly jumps on the counter of the nearest game, just barely escaping electrocution.

She looks at the dead yeti, smoldering now.

ALICIA

Holy fucking shit.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host watches, unbelieving.

HOST

(to himself)

Holy fucking shit.

AUDIENCE MEMBER

Holy fucking shit.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Uncertainty scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned that alternating hope and fear can keep an audience watching and on edge. This will be a great tool in creating fantastic scripts.

MOVIE: Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives

This is the intro. Tommy, who Jason terrorized in the last movie, is going to Jason’s grave to make sure he’s dead for good, with a friend accompanying him.

FADE IN:
 
              A NIGHT SKY
 
FEAR          Ominous black clouds roll across the heavens.  THUNDER begins
              to RUMBLE within the clouds.  An unsettling feeling of
              approaching danger.
 
              VARIOUS FOREST SHOTS
 
              Deep shadowed woods. A quiet breeze rustles some dry leaves.
              NOISY CRICKETS.  Some unseen creature runs through the bush.
              THE CRICKETS STOP.
 
              EXT. FOREST ROAD - NIGHT
 
LIGHT FEAR    A very mangy wild dog feeds on what was once a rabbit run
              over in the road.  ROARING AROUND THE BEND COMES AN OLD FORD
              PICKUP. The terrified canine runs for its life into the woods.
 
              INT. PICKUP
 
              TIGHT ON HOCKEY MASK
 
FEAR          We stare down on Jason's infamous mask held in a young man's
              (HAWES) hands.
 
                                  HAWES
                               (Southern accent)
                        I don't know how the hell you
                        talked me into this, Jarvis.
 
              ANGLE ON HAWES
 
FEAR          Sitting in the passenger seat examining the mask is ALLEN
              HAWES.  He is a rather unusual-looking guy in his mid-
              twenties, nervously smoking a cigar.
 
                                  HAWES
                        Hell, I must be crazy.  If the old
                        institution ever found out about
                        this...boy, they'd throw our butts
                        back in an' strait-jacket 'em
                        permanent.
 
                                  TOMMY (o.s.)
                        You didn't have to come, Hawes...
 
              PRESS IN - ON DRIVER
 
HOPE          TOMMY JARVIS is a good-looking young man in his late teens.
              He drives like a bat out of hell, wearing a very intense
              expression of determination.
 
                                  TOMMY
                        This is between me and Jason.

              TWO SHOT ON THEM
 
                                  HAWES
FEAR                            (becoming more nervous)
                        Yeah, I know.  But I still don't
                        get the therapy here. Jason's
                        dead, right?  How will seeing his
                        corpse stop your hallucinations?
 
HOPE                              TOMMY
                        Seeing it won't. But destroying
                        him once and for all will. Jason
                        belongs in hell.
 
              TIGHT ON TOMMY
 
HOPE                              TOMMY
                               (coldly)
                        I'm gonna see he gets there.
 
              HAWES
 
              stares wide-eyed at Tommy.  He then turns to look out the
              back window.
 
              EXT. PICKUP
 
              TIGHT ON HAWES' FACE IN REAR WINDOW - TILT DOWN
 
HOPE          A huge can of gasoline, a crowbar and two shovels are seen in
              the back of the truck.  THUNDER BEGINS TO RUMBLE LOUDER.
 
              EXT. FOREST ROAD - NIGHT
 
              Dust kicks up as the old pickup races down the road.
              LIGHTNING FLASHES, illuminating the dark woods.  THUNDER
              CRASHES HELLISHLY.
 
                                                       CUT TO:
 
              EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
 
              TRACKING along a row of tombstones, we follow Tommy and his
              flashlight as he searches.  Hawes follows, carrying the gas
              can, tools and mask. THUNDER continues as a fierce, whistling
              WIND attacks.
 
              Tommy's eyes squint to read each tombstone, looking for the
              one.  LIGHTNING FLASHES.

              WIDER - ON TOMMY
 
FEAR          Getting frustrated, but far from giving up, Tommy moves to
              the new row of markers.  Suddenly he freezes and we PRESS IN
              on him.
 
              ANGLE ON JASON'S GRAVE
 
              LIGHTNING illuminates the tombstone that reads "Jason
              Voorhees - At Rest".
 
              TIGHT ON TOMMY
 
              As he stares, a deep terror chills his bones.  Something else
              then catches his eye.
 
              ANGLE ON ANOTHER GRAVE
 
FEAR          Close to Jason's marker we see another.  It reads "Pamela
              Voorhees - Beloved Mother."
 
              FULL SHOT ON TOMMY AND HAWES
 
FEAR          Returning his attention to Jason's grave, Tommy points "this
              is the one" to Hawes, who gulps and nods.  Putting down the
              other items, the boys take hold of the shovels.  Tommy raises
              his up first.
 
              THE SHOVEL
 
              plunges into the ground.  A LIGHTNING BLAST punctuates it as
              it removes a large chunk of grass and dirt.
 
              CLOSE ON OUR GRAVEDIGGERS
 
              They begin to exhume the legendary killer's body. Tommy works
              feverishly.  Hawes works nervously.
 
              Again and again their shovels strike, digging into the earth.
 
                                                       SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
 
              THE SHOVEL (LATER)
 
FEAR          is scraping the dirt of of a rotted coffin lid.
 
              ANGLE UP - ON TOMMY
 
              The sweating boy tosses the shovel out of the shallow grave.
              Hawes silently hands him the crowbar from above.

              TIGHT ON COFFIN
 
              The crowbar is driven into the side.  Tommy's hands take a
              firm grip and yank.  A HORRIFIC CREAK resounds as the lid
              cracks open.
 
              LOW ANGLE - ON TOMMY
 
FEAR          He hands the crowbar back to Hawes.  They exchange a look and
              a deep breath.  Tommy then goes for it.  His hands extend
              slowly toward the coffin.  More THUNDER GROWLS.
 
              TOMMY'S FINGERS
 
              slip into the narrow space beneath the coffin lid.
 
              PRESS IN TIGHT ON HAWES' FACE
 
              He winces and bites his lip.
 
              PRESS IN TIGHT ON TOMMY'S FACE
 
              With all the courage he can muster, Tommy strains to do the
              deed.  He yanks the casket open!
 
              ANGLE ON JASON IN COFFIN
 
HOPE          With a BRILLIANT FLASH OF LIGHTNING, the lid swings open to
              reveal the huge decomposing body of JASON.  His HEAD IS
              COMPLETELY COVERED BY AN ARMY OF DISGUSTING MAGGOTS.
 
              HAWES GASPS
 
              He fights with his stomach to keep his dinner down..
 
              TOMMY CLIMBS OUT OF GRAVE
 
              He turns and stares down at his nemesis. A slow hatred begins
              to build.  We PRESS IN on Tommy, HEARING his horrid memories:
              His sister screams, NO, TOMMY, NO while 10-year-old Tommy
              kills Jason, repeating, "DIE, DIE!"
 
              TIGHT ON TOMMY
 
HOPE          As he listens, his eyes well up with a violent rage.
 
              WIDER
 
HOPE          Tommy looks around vengefully.  Seeing an old fence a few
              yards away, he heads for it.  Hawes is confused by his
              actions.
 
                                  HAWES
                        Hey, where are you going?

              TRACK WITH TOMMY
 
HOPE          Without a word, he storms over to the rusty fence. He grabs
              one of the spearlike posts and pulls it out.
 
              LOW ANGLE - DOLLY BACK
 
              With fire in his eyes, Tommy stalks Jason with the weapon.
              THUNDER ROARS ABOVE.
 
              HAWES
 
              rushes up to Tommy, greatly alarmed.
 
                                  HAWES
                        What's that for? Tommy, what are
                        you doin', boy?!
 
              The boy storms right past him.
 
              REACHING THE GRAVE
 
HOPE          Tommy glares down hatefully at this monster who has destroyed
              his loved ones and his life. Raising the spear, he explodes
              and jumps down.
 
                                  TOMMY
                        You bastard!
 
              LOW ANGLE - ON TOMMY
 
              As he lands in the grave, Tommy plunges the spear down with
              a mighty force. THUNDER AND LIGHTNING BLAST HELLISHLY.
 
              THE SPEAR
 
HOPE          penetrates deep into Jason's chest.
 
              ANGLE ON HAWES, DUMBFOUNDED
 
                                  HAWES
                        Oh, shit.
 
              TOMMY
 
              withdraws it, then angrily rams it down again and again.
 
              CLOSE ON JASON'S FACE
 
              The force of the blows causes many of the numerous maggots to
              start dropping off his face. Grossly decayed flesh is
              illuminated the LIGHTNING.

              CLOSE ON TOMMY'S FACE
 
HOPE          Exhausted, his rage finally vented, he drives the spear into
              Jason for the last time.
 
              ANGLE DOWN - ON TOMMY AND JASON
 
              Over the boy's shoulder we see the long spear extending out
              of Jason's cold heart.
 
              WIDER
 
HOPE          Recovering from his tantrum, Tommy climbs out of the grave.
              Hawes stares open-mouthed at his friend.
 
                                  HAWES
                        Boy, he must've really messed you
                        over.
 
              TOMMY
 
              reaches down, picks up Jason's hockey mask, and stares at it.
 
              INSERT - HOCKEY MASK
 
HOPE          It seems to stare back evilly at him.
 
                                  TOMMY (O.S.)
                        Yeah.  Fuck you, Jason.
 
              RESUME TOMMY
 
HOPE          Tommy, knowing the nightmare is finally over, tosses the mask
              into the grave.  He then bends down and starts to uncap the
              gas can.
 
              WIDER ON SCENE
 
FEAR          Without warning, the sky EXPLODES with a mass of LIGHTNING.
              One of the BOLTS OF ELECTRICITY is drawn to the spear as to
              a lightning rod.  SPARKS fly as the spear is struck and
              electrified.  Tommy and Hawes dive for cover.
 
              TIGHT ON JASON'S FACE
 
FEAR          JASON'S DECOMPOSED EYELIDS FLASH OPEN!
 
              ANGLE ON TOMMY AND HAWES
 
HOPE          Uncovering their heads, they look skyward in fear.  Quickly,
              Tommy gets to his feet and goes for the troublesome spear.

              ANOTHER ANGLE
 
FEAR          The unintended lightning rod is still smoking a little from
              the blast.  He touches it.  It's hot.  He pulls out a pair of
              gloves from his jacket.  Putting them on, he then attempts to
              remove the spear.  He can't get proper leverage.  So Tommy
              jumps down into Jason's grave.
 
              LOW ANGLE - ON TOMMY
 
              He struggles to pull the spear out.  It's apparently driven
              into the bottom of the coffin as well.  Hawes leans down into
              the grave.
 
                                  HAWES
                        Let's just get the hell out of
                        here.  My heart can't take any
                        more of this.
 
              CLOSE ON JASON'S FACE
 
FEAR          Jason's wicked eyes glare at Tommy.
 
              RESUME TOMMY
 
FEAR          The boy, of course, does not see what's about to occur.  He
              finally yanks the spear out, and throws it up onto the grass.
              Slowly he removes his gloves and tosses them to Hawes.  He
              starts to climb out.  JASON SPRINGS UP FROM BEHIND AND GRABS
              HIM.
 
              CLOSE ON HAWES SCREAMING
 
FEAR          He goes crazy with hysteria.  He starts to run.
 
              ANGLE DOWN - ON GRAVE
 
HOPE          Tommy fights for his life as Jason tries to pull him down
              into the grave.  He manages to kick Jason back down long
              enough to climb out.
 
              TOMMY
 
HOPE          scrambles for the gas can as the STORM CLOUDS DETONATE ABOVE.
              He gets it open, turns around, and starts throwing it on the
              rising corpse of Jason.
 
              ANGLE ON JASON
 
HOPE/FEAR     The gas splashes all over him as he keeps coming!

              REVERSE ON TOMMY
 
HOPE          He backs up as Jason stalks him.  Knowing there's enough gas
              now on his predator, he drops the can.
 
              TIGHTER - ON JASON
 
FEAR          He's coming closer.
 
              TIGHTER - ON TOMMY
 
HOPE/FEAR     Panicking, he searches his pockets for the matches.  He finds
              them.  As he pulls them out, the STORM CLOUDS ERUPT WITH AN
              INCREDIBLE DOWNPOUR.
 
              JASON
 
FEAR          stops as the rain drenches him.  Maggots start to wash off
              him as he stares at his helpless victim.
 
              RESUME TOMMY
 
HOPE          He tries desperately to light a match in this pounding rain.
 
              TOMMY'S HANDS
 
FEAR          struggling with the soaked matchbook.
 
              JASON
 
HOPE          starts to close in.  Suddenly HAWES EMERGES FROM BEHIND,
              HOLDING UP A SHOVEL.  He HOLLERS as he swings it.
 
              ANGLE ON HAWES
 
FEAR          He WHACKS the back of Jason's head as hard as he can.  It
              doesn't even faze his undead superkiller.
 
              JASON WHIPS AROUND ON HAWES
 
FEAR          His arm lunges forcefully at Hawes' chest.
 
              ANGLE HAWES' BACK
 
BIG FEAR      JASON'S HAND, CLUTCHING HAWES' HEART, BURST OUT HAWES' BACK.
 
              ANGLE ON GRAVE
 
              Hawes' body falls back into Jason's grave.
 
              TIGHT ON COFFIN
 
FEAR          As Hawes lands in the coffin, the lid shuts over him.

              ANGLE ON TOMMY
 
FEAR          Horrified and weaponless, he runs like hell.
 
              LOW ANGLE - ON JASON
 
FEAR          Seeing his victim escaping, Jason whips around and looks for
              a weapon.  He goes for the nefarious spear.  Something in the
              grave then catches his attention.
 
              EXT. FOREST ROAD - NIGHT
 
HOPE          Tommy races out of the cemetery to his pickup.  He jumps into
              the truck and takes off in the rain.
 
              EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
 
FEAR          With his back to us, Jason dons his beloved hockey mask and
              picks up the spear.  We PRESS IN TIGHT ON HIM as he turns
              around to face us.  FREEZE FRAME.  Meaner, stronger, and more
              unstoppable than ever before...

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Hooks

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create hooks that will leave questions in the audience’s mind. This will make them want to sit through the rest of the movie and make the script more interesting and strong.

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

INT. NEWS STATION – DAY

SUPER: 35 Years Ago

The two newscasters, looking 2030’s glamorous, display their pearly whites to the screen as they begin.

NEWSCASTER #1

Hello, fellow human beings. Today was a day of beginnings and endings. It was an end to the old order–

NEWSCASTER #2

(laughing)

Good riddance.

NEWSCASTER #1

–and the beginning of a new one. A new world of peace and understanding for all, bequeathed on us by the new leaders of scientific–

The building starts rumbling.

NEWSCASTER #2

What–?

Lights go out and BOOM! everything explodes.

CUT TO–

INT. SPEAKING PODIUM – DAY

A TECH GURU stands at a metaverse podium, dressed in robes like a monk.

TECH GURU

The tragic violence that rocked our city will not occur again. We now have every space in our world being monitored, to keep the weakest among us safe. This will bring a new era of excellence. The world will be one of peace and harmony for all–

CUT TO–

EXT. STREET – DAY

A large protest/riot is happening, with one HAIRY ACTIVIST yelling into a camera.

HAIRY ACTIVIST

What does that even mean?

Right then, a police officer dressed in all black hits him with a baton HARD.

LOUDSPEAKER

You must learn to live in peace and love. This is the only way this all ends.

He hits the guy twice more, then turns and hits someone else right across the face.

CUT TO–

INT. TECH GURU’S OFFICE – DAY

A “hidden camera” records the secret meeting. Along with the Tech Guru is DEB (32) and the Guru’s assistant JENNY (18), and about 10 guys who are working hard at a long table.

TECH GURU

What the fuck is happening? Why aren’t these animals calming down? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING PEACEFUL!

WORKER #1

We encountered more resistance than we expected.

TECH GURU

Didn’t we account for that?

WORKER #1

The diversionary measures didn’t take hold like the data had led us to believe.

Tech Guru quietly to assistant.

TECH GURU

What the hell does that mean?

ASSISTANT

Cat pictures can only do so much to keep the masses asleep.

TECH GURU

Even the cute cats we specially bred? They were so zazzie–

Deb noticeably clears her throat.

TECH GURU

(to assistant, about Deb)

Who is this?

ASSISTANT

She requested a meeting. I told her–

DEB

You want your problem taken care of, you’ll need another solution.

TECH GURU

And you have this solution?

DEB

Not me. A friend does.

TECH GURU

And this friend is–?

ASSISTANT

Some guy from the bowels. We don’t even have a record of him. He basically has no past–

DEB

You’re records in the bowels have been spotty at best. You want peace or not?

Tech Guru thinks on it.

CUT TO–

LATER, SAME MEETIHG

The HOST (35 here) is talking to the long table, presentation papers in front of him. The Tech Guru is at the opposite end.

TECH GURU

So this is…

HOST

What they called it back in the ancient times, in short, is a sacrifice.

WORKER #1

The people will go crazy–

HOST

Not if you make them the jury, so to speak. Then they’ll feel not only good, but moral, about it. And that won’t make them follow you…it’ll make them love you.

TECH GURU

That doesn’t seem very peaceful. I am a man of peace.

HOST

(smirking confidently)

Sometimes to keep the peace, you need to do it with blood.

The Tech Guru nods, intrigued. Deb looks down, secretly smiling.

CUT TO–

In quick succession, online article’s appear on screen–

–CREATURE KILL A MASSIVE SUCCESS

–CRIME PLUMMETS TO NEW LOWS

–PRISONS ARE NEARLY EMPTY AFTER JUST 15 YEARS OF CREATURE KILL

–CRIME ALL BUT WIPED OUT THANKS TO TECH GENIUS

–AFTER 30 YEARS OF CREATURE KILL, THERE ARE NO CRIMINALS LEFT

–MORAL VIOLATORS NOW A CHOICE FOR CREATURE KILL

–WHO WILL GET HUNTED NEXT?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Suspense

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to easily create suspense in a script and a scene. This will make my screenplays more powerful and engaging to an audience.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

The Promise: that monsters will be released to hunt the sacrifices
What matters: the sacrifices could get killed by the monsters
The delay: waiting for the official hunt to begin

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The backstage area is full of workers milling about, all of whom noticeably look away from the Host, fearful. A countdown clock on the wall until the first beast is released is at 1:11, 1:10, 1:09…

The Host strides confidently backstage, then humbles himself as he sees ALEX (38) and DEB (62) standing with Bullet.

He dutifully and deferentially shakes their hands.

ALEX

Great speech! Very inspiring!

The Host responds modestly.

HOST

When it all comes from here–

(motions to his heart)

–it’s bound to inspire those with the same beauty inside of them.

DEB

You can cut the modest servant crap. There’s no audience.

The Host smirks, as she moves closer.

DEB

But it will be of great usage when you become Minister of Propaganda.

The Host smiles wide.

HOST

You mean–?

DEB

Who better? Lord knows you’ve waited long enough for it. As long as this hunt goes as well as the others–

The Host scoffs.

HOST

Please. This will be the quickest hunt in history.

DEB

Then once it’s done, come see me. We’ll discuss future plans.

She walks off.

DEB

Alex–

He dutifully follows her. Host smiles wide.

BULLET

You worried?

HOST

What would I be worried about?

BULLET

If another person makes it out like I did–

The Host scoffs again.

HOST

Have you seen the lazy turds out there this year? A group of first graders could kill them in two hours. But I do have a special surprise set up just in case. Call it an insurance investment.

(looks at Bullet)

Besides, we both know why they won’t get out like you did, don’t we?

Bullet looks down in shame as the Host gets excited.

HOST

Thirty long years…finally, I’m getting the recognition I’ve always deserved and moving up!

He punches the air in victory as he walks off–

TO THE SIDE–

Deb and Alex watch him walk off.

DEB

Make sure it all goes right tonight. Don’t need our new minister having problems before he starts.

ALEX

Got it.

Deb looks up at the countdown clock–00:12, 00:11–and turns back to Alex.

DEB

Have fun.

She turns and walks off as–

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Stan and Josh are walking along a forest area, looking at all the broken down circus equipment and places.

JOSH

Not much to hide out in.

STAN

What are we even hiding from, man?

JOSH

Don’t know yet. Bloodsucking spiders maybe. Large snakes that can eat a person whole. Clowns–

Stan noticeably shivers.

STAN

I hope it’s not clowns, man. I hate clowns.

A loud BOOM is heard in the distance.

STAN

What’s that mean?

Josh is panic stricken.

JOSH

Three booms mean–

He doesn’t even finish, just runs off in a frenzy. Stan watches, petrified, then follows quickly.

INT. GAMES AREA – NIGHT

Jocelyn is inside one of the old broken down game booths, rummaging quickly through items.

She pulls a screwdriver and is looking at it when–

BOOM! in the distance.

She puts the screwdriver into her belt loop and starts rummaging faster.

JOCELYN

Weapons! Where are the weapons?

EXT. CLOWN BUS – NIGHT

Nick climbs on top of the broken clown bus. He smiles, looking around.

NICK

Elevated position. Can see everything. Perfect.

BOOM! in the distance.

Then his smile drops as he looks around at all the open space around him.

NICK

This is a fucking death trap!

He quickly gets down and runs off.

INT. STRONG MAN CAGE – NIGHT

Alicia makes sure the door is locked, with a bunch of things put in front of it.

She checks the bars and finds out they’re strong.

She starts stacking some debris in front of the bars, then huddles in a corner, covering herself with various items left in the cage.

Then she sits and waits, eyes darting every which way.

QUICK MONTAGE–

–Josh and Stan badly hiding behind a tree.

–Jocelyn crouches by the games section, wrench in one hand and broken baseball bat in the other.

–Nick, in the clown bus now, watches as a sweat starts pouring down his face.

END MONTAGE

INT. CLOWN BUS – NIGHT

Nick keeps looking.

NICK

Who they gonna get first?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Anticipatory Dialogue

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create dialogue that will keep the audience hooked into the movie and cause them to wonder what will happen next. This will make my scripts a better read at every level.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

EXT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia is staring at a warped version of herself in the mirror outside the hall. It starts to freak her out and she starts to get dizzy, until she jerks herself back to reality.

Where the rest of the group are in breakdown mode–

STAN

That thing just ate him man. Just ate him like me eating Fritos after a bong rip. Oh, what I would give for a bong rip!

NICK

Tripping out ain’t gonna help.

JOSH

If the strongest guy here died before the game even started, what chance do we have?

NICK

You guys got no chance. But I plan to survive.

JOCELYN

That’s a dickfuck thing to say!

KRISTEN

We only have to survive for two hours. My faith in God will hold me–

They all sigh loudly. Jocelyn starts pacing nervously.

JOCELYN

They’re gonna release the first beast any minute.

JOSH

Which you think it will be?

NICK

Don’t matter. Gonna survive either way.

JOSH

I hope it’s not the wolf.

At the sound of “the wolf” everyone gets quiet.

NICK

Why would you bring up the wolf?

Nick gets up, nervously pacing too now.

JOSH

Only one person survived these and he was way stronger than any of us. And that was with the older monsters. The newer ones–

NICK

Fucking shit, man. Shut up!

Josh gets quiet as the air gets thick with dread.

STAN

There’s really no way for us to survive, is there?

JOSH

Maybe it was better to not have watched them first. Then I wouldn’t know what’s coming next.

KRISTEN

If anyone here was waiting to get good with God–

They all sigh again.

KRISTEN

I’m just trying to be nice! There won’t be much time after this!

STAN

Fuck, what do I got to do?

They all look at him.

STAN

I did a lot of crazy shit at parties, man. And this whole forgiveness-Heaven thing is starting to sound way less lame than it used to the closer death approaches.

Alicia starts to walk off.

STAN

Hey, where you going?

ALICIA

Find a place to hide.

JOSH

You really think you can hide the whole game?

ALICIA

Don’t need to hide the whole game. Just better than all of you.

They all look at each other suspiciously, realizing she’s right. Nick then takes off into the trees.

Jocelyn makes her way in the opposite direction.

JOSH

I’m looking for weapons.

Stan follows along with him.

STAN

So, how bad’s this going to be, man?

Josh just looks at him and shakes his head in disbelief.

Kristen, now alone, looks around. Then she starts singing–

KRISTEN

Amazing Grace, so sweet the sound–

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host turns to the audience after watching what just happened, smirking.

HOST

O-kay! Guess we know who the second victim will be tonight.

The audience laughs.

HOST

And our players are already making the worst mistake they can. They’re splitting up. Each doesn’t stand a chance on their own, yet fear is making them do it alone anyway.

Solemn music starts playing.

HOST

It’s the same with our society. Individualism, independence – these are words not used in a modern, benevolent society. No, these are the words of cretins, those who never learned to put other people and the state above themselves.

The background music turns holy.

HOST

As you know, I created these games 30 years ago as a way to keep society in check. And they have worked. By sacrificing the least good members of our huge family, we remain free of any violence and crime. By coming together in violence, we find love. By embracing our vengeance, we find peace. And those who long for days of independence and freedom, well–

(quick beat)

In short, these people become beast meat.

(big smile)

And we get to watch! Start the hunt!

Crowd cheers loudly.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Anticipation Scene

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned that, if done right, anticipation and excitement can be intensified to a bigger and bigger degree, before coming to a satisfying conclusion (of the sequence). I learned that small movements and looks can add a lot of intrigue and anticipation.

I also learned:

-adding in a moral dilemma into a scene (not the whole script, but a single scene) can elevate the character and add in a new level of anticipation and uncertainty

-having a strong conclusion to the scene, that takes the character to the edge of danger, makes the scene more satisfying to the audience

-having another character oppose the protagonist’s morals and actions helps make the scene more personal for the audience and gives us a deeper dive into the character

-having a scene where every character and every moment is full of uncertainty makes for an exciting read

From THE FUGITIVE

Background: Dr. Richard Kimble was just wrongly convicted of killing his wife. He’s on the bus heading to the jail where he will spend many, many years, when the following occurs…

EXT. COOK COUNTY JAIL – NIGHT

Main gates open. The BUS GRINDS onto the streets.

INT. BUS – DAY
The four prisoners sit scattered, still cuffed but no longer chained together. Near the front, PRISONER #1 is eyeing…
The two prison guards seated beyond the caged door. YOUNG GUARD lighting a smoke. OLD GUARD drowsing. Shotguns bouncing on their knees. Prisoner #1 shifts his gaze to… The driver. Pistol on his hip.

NOTE: RIGHT HERE, I’M WONDERING WHY THIS PRISONER IS EYEING THE GUARDS. WHAT IS HE PLANNING?

DISSOLVE TO: EXT. DESOLATE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The BUS RUMBLES north, heading towards the horizon.

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Prisoner #1 rises. Through caging:
PRISONER #1: Hey. Illinois penal regulations require a meal for transport rides of four hours or more.
Young Guard shakes his head. “Fucking jailhouse lawyers.” Checks his watch: 4:00.
YOUNG GUARD: Jack! Feedin’ time.
Old Guard yawns to his feet, unhooks a key-ring from his belt. Young Guard stows his shotgun in the weapons locker.

NOTE: NOW, IT INTENSIFIES. WHAT IS THE PRISONER PLANNING NOW?
Prisoner #2 looks at Kimble. Kimble stirs awake… watches the cage door open, Young Guard moving back. And across the aisle…
Prisoner #3, a big man named COPELAND, wags his head between his knees. Something slides out of his shirt and CLANKS to the dimpled steel floor. It’s a razor sharp plastic shank.

NOTE: MORE THAN ONE INMATE IS IN ON IT? WHAT WILL THEY DO?
Heart quickening, Kimble looks forward. Young Guard is handing a petrified sandwich to Prisoner #1. Kimble snaps a look back to Copeland, who palms the shank.

NOTE: HOW WILL THIS AFFECT KIMBLE? WILL HE GET HURT OR KILLED? AND HOW WILL HE RESPOND TO IT HAPPENING?
COPELAND: Breathe, and you’re first.
Old Guard watches from the open cage door, shotgun carelessly ready. Young Guard reaches Kimble and extends a sandwich. Kimble doesn’t respond.
YOUNG GUARD: Suit yourself.
He offers the sandwich to Copeland. In the exchange, sandwich drops. Copeland leans down for it.
Up front, Old Guard yawns again just as…
KIMBLE: Look out!
Too late… Jackknifing up, Copeland drives the shank into Young Guard’s gut.

NOTE: WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO KIMBLE? WILL THE PRISONERS GET REVENGE FOR TRYING TO FOIL THEIR PLAN?
Prisoner #2 dives for Young Guard’s holster. As the gun comes out, Young Guard gets a hand on it. A SHOT FIRES…
Jolting Old Guard. He chambers his shotgun. Kimble hits the floor. The Old Guard jams a key into the cage door and surges inside, but…
Prisoner #1 broadsides Old Guard. SHOTGUN DISCHARGES… Opening a big Gainsburger hole in the driver. He sinks under the steering wheel. A knee hits the accelerator.
The CAGE DOOR SLAMS locked behind the Old Guard.

EXT. DESOLATE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
As the bus careens off the road, accelerating.

NOTE: IT INTENSIFIES AGAIN. WILL KIMBLE MAKE IT THROUGH THIS? WHAT HAPPENS TO THE GUARDS AND PRISONERS NOW?

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Young Guard wrestles gun from Prisoner #2 and FIRES, killing prisoner #2. Copeland grapples with wounded Young Guard. Old Guard shotgun-butts Prisoner #1, flips the gun, PUMPS ONE ROUND into the mants chest. Dead. He turns just as…

EXT. OPEN LAND – NIGHT
As the driverless BUS BUCKS ant BANGS over open ground.

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Old Guard reloads. Copeland drops down behind a seat. Old Guard jams his SHOTGUN under the seat. But just as the Old Guard pulls the trigger the bus jerks. The SHOT
goes off target as

EXT. OPEN LAND – NIGHT
The BUS ROARS into a gravel embankment. ROARS up the slope and CRASHES down on its side — sliding to a stop at the bottom of a small ravine.

NOTE: WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW THAT THEY STOPPED AGAIN?

INT. BUS – NIGHT
ENGINE DIES. Dusty silence. We don’t know up from down.
On his knees, Old Guard makes his way to the driver. Finds him dead. Now a SOUND. Old Guard whips his shotgun around at… Kimble. Rising between the seats. A hairy beat. Old Guard might kill him just to finish things off. But a GROAN turns Old Guard’s head. Young Guard, trying to hold his guts in. Old Guart turns to find Kimble.
OLD GUARD: (to Kimble) You. You’re a doctor. C’mere.
He slides to the Young Guard as the Old Guard scrounges up a medical kit, shoves Kimble down on Young Guard.
OLD GUARD: Do something

NOTE: WILL HE KILL KIMBLE? WILL KIMBLE BE ABLE TO SAVE THE YOUNG GUARD?
Kimble looks at his cuffs. “In these?” Old Guard digs out his key ring and unlocks Kimble’s hands — only his hands. Kimble opens medical kit. It’s been ransacked – just Band-Aids now. Kimble looks into the wound.

NOTE: CAN KIMBLE SAVE HIM WITH MEAGER SUPPLIES? WILLUNLOCKING HIS HANDS LEAD TO ANYTHING MORE?
KIMBLE: He isn’t going to make it unless he gets to a hospital. Fast.
OLD GUARD: In this delicate moment
A SHIVER runs through the bus. Is it just settling? With other things to worry about, Kimble tries to stop Young Guard’s bleeding.

NOTE: WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH THE BUS?
ANGLE UNDER SEAT We see Copeland, alive. The crash has ripped the bars
from a back window and shattered the glass. He works to get out the opening.
BACK TO KIMBLE A second SHIVER ripples through the bus, stronger. Kimble retracts his hands to touch a metal panel — and feels a growing vibration.
KIMBLE: Just where the hell are we?
The Old Guard feels it too. He gets down on his knees and looks out one of the shattered, barred windows.
OLD GUARD: Oh, shit…

EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS – NIGHT
The bus lies across railroad tracks. A not-too-distant bend grows bright by the light of an approaching train.

NOTE: WILL THEY SURVIVE ON THIS? OR WILL A RAILROAD HURT OR KILL THEM?

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Kimble sees: Old Guard fights the cage door. Kimble lunges to his side.
KIMBLE: It’s locked. Where’re your keys?

EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS – NIGHT
Downtrack, one Cyclops light appears.

NOTE: CAN THEY MAKE IT OUT IN TIME?

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Kimble spots keys. Pitches them to Old Guard. Drags Young Guard to the front for a quick exit. But Old Guard fumbles the key-ring, his hands shaking as much as the bus.
The train light spider-webs across cracked windows. Kimble snatches the keys away from the Guard’s trembling hands.
KIMBLE: Which one? This? This one?!
Old Guard gulps a nod. Kimble jams a key in the lock. Throws the door open. Grabs Young Guard.
KIMBLE: Help me get him –
But Old Guard climbs right over Kimble’s back and climbs out the shattered windshield.

NOTE: WILL KIMBLE SAVE THE OTHER GUARD? WILL HE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?
ANGLE ON REAR OF BUS
Copeland escapes through the hole in the back…

EXT. BUS – NIGHT
… and hits the ground running the other way. The locomotive’s headlight reveals the toppled bus.

INT. BUS – NIGHT
Train light grows. A nanosecond of uncertainty: Should Kimble leave the wounded man? Kimble and the Young Guard hold a look.

NOTE: DILEMMA: WHAT WILL KIMBLE DO? SAVE A GUARD AND TAKE A RISK ON DEATH OR LEAVE HIM TO DIE?

EXT. FREIGHT TRAIN – NIGHT
As the WHEELS BRAKE and LOCR.

EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS – NIGHT
Kimble struggles out of the bus — pulling the Young Guard behind him. He slings the man clear.
SCREECHING death, the TRAIN SKIDS closer.
For one heartbeat, Kimble remains perched atop the bus.
The train light X-rays him.
Kimble leaps. Lands. Rolls. Gains his feet. Tries to sprint away but can’t: His feet are still chained. He gets off a dozen mincing steps before

NOTE: WILL HE MAKE IT?
IMPACT: A hundred tons of STEEL SLAMS into the bus, splitting it open.
Shrapnel rips through Kimble’s thigh, but he stays on his feet, still running feverish half-steps.
An EXPLOSION envelops the train. Flames stream down its flanks. The train burns past the wounded Guard.
Kimble looks back, expecting to see the catastrophe behind him. But he gets the shock of his life — of any man’s life:
Still on its wheels, the locomotive is derailing — and coming after him. It’s the stuff of nightmares: One little man being chased by a fire-breathing locomotive.

NOTE: IT INTENSIFIES, WILL HE MAKE IT?
The train burrows to a stop.
Kimble is suddenly five feet taller, standing on an upheaval of earth, staring eyeball-to-eyeball with the train that nearly devoured him. He pants. Coughs on smoke. Then notices something in his hand. It’s the key-ring.

NOTE: DAMN, THAT WAS CLOSE. WHAT WILL HE DO NOW? ALSO, MOMENT OF REST AFTER HEAVY ACTION.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Kimble sits and searches the key-ring for manacle key. Suddenly a hand reaches down and snatches the key-ring away.
COPELAND (O.S.): Give me that.
Kimble watches as Copeland quickly unlocks both sets of his own chains.
COPELAND: You listen to me. I don’t give a damn which way you go, just don’t follow me.
Kimble takes the key as Copeland wraps his chains around his arm and runs. Kimble unlocks his leg irons and runs in the other direction — crossing a hilltop in the moonlight.

NOTE: WHAT WILL COPELAND DO FREE? WHERE WILL KIMBLE GO?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment was what elements make up a good horror film and how to start implementing them. This will make future scripts more horror-fiic!

Group: Social Event

Dying Pattern: A. Kill off 6-8 characters one at a time

Characters:

Leader Kelly is the only one with outdoor skills and is nice to everyone, becoming a natural leader in this situation.

Moral One Samid is a stout Muslim…and his father is an oil producer in Saudi Arabia.

Obnoxious Ryan is the head of the young Republicans. He wears a suit everywhere and shouts political slogans wherever he can

Love interest Jimmy is a crypto enthusiast who believes he will change the world through his tech inventions.

Innocent Sam has been homeschooled his whole life…and because of that he comes off as awkward, but has his own way of seeing things.

Rule Breaker Juliet is a leftist anarchist who rebels against anything she can find.

Monster Bait Jessica is the school President, head cheerleader and biggest mean girl ever.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo is being Dramatic!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to add in a bunch of dramatic devices in one scene. This will make a script more fun and exciting for the audience.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

NOTE: I had a bit of a breakthrough and changed the genre and story, though the concept is the same. If anyone has any questions about it, lmk and I’ll answer them or share the logline I created.

INT. BIG TOP – NIGHT

Nick walks in, tears in his eyes. Alicia and the rest are right behind them.

He turns to them.

NICK

I’m sorry, I had–

WHAM! Alicia punches him right in the face, knocking him flat as blood spurts from his nose.

ALICIA

We were winning! We were in it together!

NICK

Really? Because I didn’t see you there until the end!

JOSH

He’s right. We were almost–

Alicia’s glare cuts him off.

KRISTEN

At least she came back.

Josh nods, getting Alicia to relent.

ALICIA

I had some…things to think about. But I didn’t kill anyone just because I wanted to be famous.

She turns and is about to walk off, when Nick lurches up.

NICK

Famous?! That wasn’t for fame!

She turns back to him.

ALICIA

Just like Bullet, right, Nick? All the girls and drinks and the high life…

He’s shaking his head no.

ALICIA

Why, it’s enough to even kill for!

NICK

I didn’t kill nobody.

JOSH

Might as well have. You put them in harm’s way.

KRISTEN

You let Jocelyn die. She was my friend. You caused her to die.

NICK

(crying)

Well, what am I supposed to do? You see where we are?

JOSH

She’s right. We were winning.

NICK

But how long is that going to last, huh? You see the beast they’re putting against us now. That shit was a new one! Who knows what kind of crazy shit is coming next?

Kristen bolts up with an idea.

KRISTEN

Wait…why do you think you’re better off with less of us to fight it?

NICK

What?

JOSH

And what was that whistle?

Nick starts slowly backing away.

NICK

I don’t know what you all are talking about…

ALICIA

He made a deal.

They both look at her.

ALICIA

That’s it, right? He said he’d help you live, if you make sure we start losing, something like that? Did he want you to kill us yourself, or was it enough to have Jocelyn’s face ripped off by a monster?

Nick looks down.

NICK

I mean–

ALICIA

And let me guess. The whistle was what, supposed to kill them?

Tears stream down Nick’s cheeks. He takes a deep breath.

NICK

Calm them down. It was supposed to calm down all the beasts in here. So, I could just walk out at the end.

KRISTEN

Fucking Judas.

Josh just looks down.

ALICIA

Well, he screwed and you screwed us. Enjoy the fame and girls, assfuck.

NICK

It ain’t about no fame or girls.

KRISTEN

It’s all you cared about. This whole time.

NICK

It’s not about–It’s about fucking Samantha!

He looks at Alicia, walking toward her.

NICK

You think you’re the only one with family problems on the outside?

KRISTEN

Who’s Samantha?

JOSH

Who cares?

Nick keeps focused on Alicia.

NICK

My whole life, I was a piece of shit. Mother didn’t give a fuck and father wasn’t there. Usual bullshit. Samantha was the only person who ever loved me. Who ever loved this piece of shit.

Alicia rolls her eyes and starts to leave.

NICK

Remember that accident at the Thirty-Four building? When it collapsed because some billionaire tech fuck decided that safety concerns didn’t matter?

KRISTEN

Everyone there died.

He shakes his head.

NICK

Not everyone. But she lost both legs. They covered it up and promised to pay, but nothing came. She’s so fucking sad all the time. I can’t see her like this.

He stops his tears, and looks back at Alicia.

NICK

That’s why I made sure they voted me in the hunt this year. For the only family that ever mattered. You gotta get that.

Alicia thinks on it for a second, when–

TELECOM VOICE (O.S.)

It’s time for the interviews! All sacrifices please come to the stage entrance!

They all look at each other.

JOSH

Interviews? They’ve never done interviews before.

KRISTEN

Great. What do they have planned for us now?

Alicia quickly walks up close to Nick, looking him in the eyes.

ALICIA

That’s just it, Nick. After what we went through in here, what we did together, you were my family. And Jocelyn and Stan…they were yours. And you betrayed them.

Then she starts walking out.

NICK

Hey, fuck this–

Nick grabs a bat. Both Kristen and Josh shoot up, Kristen with a crossbow aimed at him and Josh with a bloody machete.

NICK

I wasn’t going to attack her! Who do you think I am?

KRISTEN

I don’t believe you anymore.

JOSH

And never will again.

Alicia turns back to Nick.

ALICIA

You’re on your own now. After whatever these fucking interviews are, stay away from us.

NICK

Hey, you guys can’t just leave me alone in here.

Alicia keeps walking out. Josh hurries to follow her.

NICK

But I’m the strongest one here. You won’t make it without me.

Kristen follows, then turns back.

KRISTEN

Maybe your little whistle thing will work next time.

She walks after the others.

NICK

But guys…I’ll fucking die alone. I’ll fucking die alone!

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo Creates a Future!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create suspense for the future in a script. This will make a script more of a page turner that the audience is constantly wondering about.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

Name: The Audience

Traits: Politically correct, Demanding, Vengeful, Compassionate

Subtext: Politically correct

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

We cut back to the Host and audience, all of whom are smirking and laughing at what they just saw.

HOST

Wow, I don’t think we’ve ever seen a more pathetic bunch of people in the hunt.

The audience laughs.

HOST

Truth is, if any of them survive the first creature, I’ll be very surprised. But if they do–

He holds up a finger, the audience waiting on every word.

HOST

If they do, we may have some real surprises…that you will enjoy far more than they will.

He laughs as the audience cheers.

HOST

Now, who’s ready to start the hunt?!

They all cheer loudly.

HOST

Who’s ready to see these pathetic losers get maimed and massacred brutally?

Audience cheers louder.

HOST

Who’s ready to watch our biotech creatures have their fun and get seriously bloody…all for your enjoyment?

Audience cheers louder.

HOST

Who’s ready to watch these subhuman annoyances turn on each other, fight each other and maybe even kill each other…and show you the pieces of shit they really are before being SACRIFIED!?

The crowd cheers so loud nothing else can be heard.

The Host goes to a LITTLE GIRL (9) in the stands.

HOST

Why don’t you start it, sweetie.

The tiny, meek girl smiles sweetly, looks at the monitor and yells into the microphone–

LITTLE GIRL

Let them be dead!

The crowd cheers loudly as the BOOM goes off, signaling the start of the hunt.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Misleads/Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was how to make a scene interesting using misleads and reveals. This will make the script stronger and more engaging.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host talks to the audience.

HOST

Now, before we bring out our players for your enjoyment, let’s watch a bit of the excitement they went through tonight. Though the only one that truly understands is Bullet. If we can tear him away from all those beautiful ladies, that is.

He chuckles as does the audience. The Host gives a meaningful nod to Bullet, who waves to the audience with a smile and starts walking to the side of the stage.

HOST

Let’s begin our journey.

The lights go down as it starts.

BEHIND STAGE

Kristen rolls her eyes at the Host.

KRISTEN

Our journey?

NICK

Shit, they’re gonna hate me.

JOSH

We all certainly do.

Nick looks at Alicia, but she’s just watching the stage.

NICK

Don’t be all pissed at me. I did what any smart person would do. Look at Bullet’s life! Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t do anything for that?

ALICIA

None of us did.

Josh nods enthusiastically. Bullet enters from the stage.

NICK

Holy shit! Man, I’m your biggest fan! I’ve wanted to be you for forever!

Nick extends his hand for a shake. Bullet looks at it, but doesn’t shake it.

BULLET

You should pick a new hero.

NICK

You have everything. Fine girl, fine food, fine wine…

Just then, two hulking security guards come and stand on either side of Bullet.

BULLET

I do have all that. But it comes at a price.

Nick looks confused.

GUARD #1

(mockingly)

Let’s go, John.

Bullet looks intently at Nick.

BULLET

I’m gonna tell you for your own good, kid. You don’t want this. You ever notice how I’m never seen alone? That’s because they don’t let me go out. Or be alone with people. Or even talk to people. Truth is, I’m just a fucking pawn–

The Guard pushes him harshly.

BULLET

Anyway, this life ain’t what you think it is.

He starts to walk off.

NICK

But you survived! The only one who did!

Bullet stops and turns back around.

BULLET

You think I survived because I was strong? Nah…it was all his plan. Remember when I saved that girl Natalie? She died later, but the audience loved me for it. And that’s why he let me live. To give people the hero they always wanted…that he can control and use at his beck and call.

Alicia comes alive with hope.

ALICIA

We can all make it out then. We just have to make the audience love us.

JOSH

Hell yes!

KRISTEN

Oh, thank God.

NICK

Shit! I’m a dead man.

Bullet starts laughing. First a chuckle, then a full fledged laugh. They watch, uncertain.

BULLET

They ain’t gonna let you live. One hero gives people hope. More than that, they have a full blown revolution on their hands. And he will never happen.

The Guard pushes him and he leaves. They watch him go, their last bit of hope all but gone.

JOSH

Should we even do it still?

Alicia shrugs.

ALICIA

A bad plan is better than no plan.

HOST (O.S.)

And here they are! You’re sacrifices!

A guard pushes them to the stage.

JOSH

(to Alicia)

You know, that’s not really true…

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Crucible

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create a crucible scene. This will add tension and excitement to future scripts.

CHARACTER PROFILE – ALICIA
1. Basic character traits:

Protective

Brave

Crafty

Character Logline: Alicia is a girl who has only been able to rely on herself, while protecting her little brother in the world.

INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia walks in first. Before the others can join her–

SLAM!

The door behind her slams shut. She runs back and tries to open it but it won’t budge.

The group on the outside are banging on the door.

KRISTEN (O.S.)

What’s happening? Alicia, what’s–

ALICIA

No idea. It won’t budge.

KRISTEN (O.S.)

It won’t move out here either. Why the hell would they save us now?

ALICIA

No idea. I–

ALICIA’S FATHER (O.S.)

Cupcake?

Alicia quickly swivels around, mouth agape.

ALICIA

Daddy?

KRISTEN (O.S.)

Daddy? Alicia, you’re dad’s dead.

ALICIA

(in shock)

Yeah, I know.

KRISTEN (O.S.)

That means it’s a trick.

ALICIA

Yeah, I–What if it’s not? What if–?

She starts walking through the hall of grotesque, macabre, dust-ridden mirrors.

The voices and banging from outside fade as Alicia walks farther in.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host turns to the crowd with a sly smirk.

HOST

That’s right people. I did some research and found out Alicia’s father was one of the soldiers at Ceaserly who refused to fight. They’ve been doing experiments on them to make them stronger–

The crowd gasps, astonished.

SIDE OF STAGE

Alex is next to Bullet.

ALEX

Did he just fucking say that out loud?

MAIN STAGE

The Host hears the audience reaction and knows he just messed up. He looks at Alex and sees him glaring. He immediately goes into cover mode.

HOST

Only certain soldiers, obviously. The ones who were cowards and willing to let our people die! Now, they are becoming something more. And that more is going to make the last minute and a half of Alicia’s life a hellish ordeal. But I have even more fun planned for our little hero.

He keeps smirking and takes out a small device with a red button as the crowd boos.

INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia is walking down the hall, looking at the mirrors. They start to make her squeamish, as they contort her in every which way.

Then she sees him. Her father…but ALICIA’S DAD (55) doesn’t look human anymore. He’s scarred up, with some body parts seemingly coming from different vicious animals.

ALICIA

Dad? What did they do–?

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host looks at the crowd and hits the button.

INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia suddenly grips her head and falls to her knees, screaming.

She looks up–

ALICIA’S POV

Alicia’s vision is more than woozy…it’s nearly hallucinogenic. She looks at mirrors and sees herself looking evil or scared or feral.

She tries to look away, but everything she sees is out of whack. Her father picks her up. She looks at his scarred up face…and sees his dark eyes.

Right before he throws her across the room!

CRASH!

She crumples after going through multiple mirrors.

She looks up and sees him coming again. He looks down at her and smiles.

ALICIA

Daddy?

Then he takes his foot, which is an eagle talon and grips her leg, HARD. She screams as his talons pierce her flesh and it starts oozing blood.

She starts to cry and give in.

ALICIA

Daddy, I can’t fight you.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host smirks again at the crowd.

HOST

Looks like our little hero is a quitter after all.

They boo louder…but now, he’s enjoying their hate and treating it as love.

INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia is still crying and looking away. She starts to look up at him again.

ALICIA

Do what you want? I can’t fight anymore–

She turns up to him…and now he looks like a manic devil.

ALICIA

Aah!

She quickly turns, causing the talon grabbing her to go sideways, throwing him off balance as he falls to the ground.

Alicia bolts to the door, but it won’t open. She hears people outside, but doesn’t respond…because her dad is up and coming at her.

She quickly goes into the maze of mirrors, trying to not look at any of them.

She hears her dad breaking things to find her across the room. She huddles into a corner between three mirrors.

She closes her eyes tight–

BEGIN FLASHBACK

INT. ALICIA’S OLD DOMICILE – DAY

Alicia’s house when they were rich. Alicia (10) is sitting on the couch, as her mother holds her crying brother (now 6), who is covered in blue paint.

ALICIA’S MOTHER

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you!

Alicia looks down.

ALICIA

Sorry.

ALICIA’S MOTHER

That’s all you have to say? You let your friends do this to your brother and all you say is sorry?

Alicia shrugs.

ALICIA

They said it would be funny.

ALICIA’S MOTHER

Real funny, Alicia. If I’d known you were–

ALICIA’S FATHER

Why don’t you go take him to the other room.

ALICIA’S MOTHER

You want to talk to her? You talk to her. I need my medicine anyway.

She trodges off, Tony in her arms crying. Alicia’s father moves closer and looks at Alicia.

ALICIA’S FATHER

I know it’s not easy having a brother like that.

ALICIA

It’s not! Mom pays more attention to him, he always follows me around at school, I get made fun of–

ALICIA’S FATHER

Now, imagine what it’s like for him.

Alicia stops, thinking, and gets sad.

ALICIA

Probably worse.

ALICIA’S FATHER

Definitely worse. He won’t be able to do most things you do.

She nods solemnly.

ALICIA’S FATHER

I need you to do me a favor.

ALICIA

What’s that?

ALICIA’S FATHER

Be like me. My job is protect our people. I need you to help protect your brother.

She halfheartedly nods.

ALICIA’S FATHER

Remember Alicia, strong fighters must protect their people, their clan, their family. It’s the most important thing there is.

INT. TRAINING CENTER – DAY

Her father and Alicia are in a training center for fighting. He’s watching as Alicia faces a dummy in a fighting stance.

ALICIA’S FATHER

Remember the rules. First, surprise the opponent. Then, find his weak spot and break it. Lastly, finish it without mercy.

Off her horrified look.

ALICIA’S FATHER

That’s the most important part, Alicia. Because anyone not put down enough will come back. Now, go!

She attacks the dummy.

EXT. HUNTING GROUNDS – DAY

Her dad (now 40) is showing Alicia (now 14) how to set a diversion trap when hunting. He has a carcass hanging from a tree as he walks back to her, hiding in the brush.

ALICIA

Why’d you do that, Daddy?

ALICIA’S FATHER

Because we want animals to come. And they’ll come to get what they want. And they want food.

ALICIA

And when they come?

ALICIA’S FATHER

That’s when we get our food.

END FLASHBACK

INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT

Alicia, idea in her head, looks at the mirrors and starts thinking. She closes her eyes, concentrates and controls her breathing, and opens them.

Then she gets up, determined but a bit unsteady.

OTHER PART OF HALL

Her father is breaking mirrors, looking at them for her. Searching everywhere.

Finally, he sees her in a mirror…and her back is turned.

He hurries to her, knife hand raised…but it’s not her. It’s another mirror.

He starts looking around and sees in all the mirrors around him. He gets confused disoriented and then–

ALICIA

Over here, Daddy.

He turns and swings, but just breaks another mirror.

ALICIA

Wrong direction.

He turns again, but breaks another mirror.

ALICIA

Want to try again?

He gets enraged, yelling, and starts breaking everything in sight to get to her.

He demolishes it all and turns when–

ALICIA

First way to take down an enemy is–

CRASH!

She breaks a mirror over his head.

ALICIA

Catch him by surprise.

He backs up, dazed.

ALICIA

Next, find the weak point–

She walks towards him.

ALICIA

–and break it.

She lowers to the ground quickly and kicks at the talon foot. It snaps in two as her father falls to the ground screaming.

ALICIA

Now, finish it without mercy.

She picks up a piece of mirror and gets on her knees, closer to her father. She hesitates.

ALICIA

If any part of you is left in there–

ALICIA’S FATHER

Aargh!

He comes at her, but before he can, she puts the blade in his throat. He bleeds out, finally dead.

She gets up, crying.

ALICIA

Thank you for helping me survive this. You were right.

[Matthew Frendo]

<div>Matthew Frendo’s Horror Conventions
</div>

What I learned doing this assignment was how to incorporate conventions into a horror movie. This will make sure any script has the elements horror fans want.

Since my concept is a horror comedy, I decided to watch one of those to see how it fit into the framework. I found it on Shudder if anyone wants to check it out.

Title / Concept: CHEAP THRILLS

Terrorize The Characters: the characters are tempted into doing worse and worse things and get more feral as it goes on

Isolation: they are in a rich home in the dead of night

Death: first it’s “how far will this go?” and then it turns outright deadly as the two friends are offered money to kill each other

Monster/Villain: a rich couple who like to see how far they can tempt people to go for kicks & a small bet

High Tension: the tension gets higher and higher as they are tempted to do more dangerous or violent or gross things

Departure from Reality: being tempted into such outrageous things and thinking about how far someone would go

Moral Statement: How far will a person go for money?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Amazing Setting

What I learned doing this assignment was a hell of a lot! Not only was I able to make scenes more dramatic, I was able to use symbolism and metaphor with the settings and it helped me find a deep fear of my protagonist.

BEFORE:

Essence of Scene: Final fight with monster at end

Setting: Random area of abandoned circus

AFTER:

New Setting: Hall of Illusions part of circus

How this has improved the scene: if I give character controlling trait, seeing the messed up mirrors, mixed with the chip set up in her head, will bring out her worst fears as she fights villain

BEFORE:

Essence of Scene: Host talks to audience throughout the hunt

Setting: a stage in front of the audience

AFTER:

New Setting: a stage in front of the audience…that is filled with things about the host…pics, video, award, almost a shrine-type feel

How this has improved the scene: it shows his arrogant trait more, gives a deeper reason for others not to like him or be resentful and makes him a more interesting character and the setting itself more interesting as well.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Setup/Payoffs

What I learned doing this lesson was how to create setups and payoffs that make the script more engaging. It should make my scripts stronger for the reader and audience.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Compassionate, Brave, Crafty, Fearful

Subtext: Crafty

Character Logline: Alicia is a girl who has only been able to rely on herself her whole life and who doesn’t trust others anymore.

Name: Host

Traits: Ruthless, Power Hungry, Conspiring,
Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

Character Logline: The Host has to deal with a
player outwitting his games for the first time ever and must find a way to make
her look bad to the audience to keep the power he has.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

The five players hear the loud cowbell and their shackles are unlocked.

They quickly take off their blindfolds and look around.

KRISTEN

Holy shit, this can’t be real.

(looking up at sky)

Sorry for cussing.

ALICIA (27) rolls her eyes as she surveys the group. Besides the very religious KRISTEN (22), there is JOSH (36), bespectacled and overweight, punk rock girl JOCELYN (47), scrawny NICK (32), the elder SANDRA (82), hippie-stoner STAN (35) and hardened, tattooed SINCLAIR (26).

JOSH

What the fuck? What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?

KRISTEN

Can you not swear please? Some of us are Christian.

Jocelyn throws a lump of dirt at her.

KRISTEN

Hey!

Jocelyn just scowls in response. Nick just sits there, rocking back and forth.

Stan closes his eyes tight.

STAN

This has to be a flashback. This has to be a flashback

He opens his eyes and they are still there. He closes them again.

STAN

This has to be a flashback. This has to be a flashback.

Just then, Stan looks up – and sees Sinclair coming at him fast.

STAN

Aah!

Stan jumps out the way just in time…as Sinclair pulls up a snake from where Stan was sitting by the neck.

SINCLAIR

(looking at snake)

Black Mamba. One of the most poisonous snakes in the world.

STAN

Holy crap!

Sinclair kills the snake and drops it.

SINCLAIR

You never watch the hunt before?

STAN

I’m a lover, man, not a fighter.

SINCLAIR

You’re a dead man, then.

Sinclair looks at them all, pacing in front of them as patriotic music plays in the background.

SINCLAIR

I don’t know how many others are “peace” people–

(looks disgusted at Stan)

–but this is the Monster Hunt. In 30 years, only one person has made it out alive. And he was stronger than all of you.

The others look at each other, petrified.

SINCLAIR

But unlike others, you have a better chance…if we work as a team. The reason no one survived before was they battled alone. But I’m here. I’ve been in the military and know how to run a battle team. And I have never lost. All you have to do is follow my lead for the night and we all will make it out.

They start to smile and breathe again.

SINCLAIR

It won’t be easy, but it can be done. I have come up with a plan that will let the rest of you live, even if I don’t. Let’s go over it now, before the first monster is released. This is the safest time we’ll have for the rest of the night–

CRUNCH! WSSSHHH! Right then, a large Venus Fly Trap sitting nearby chomps off the top half of Sinclair’s body and flings it back, throwing it across the park.

KRISTEN

Aah!

The group jumps up in fear. They all start to run.

Sandra can’t keep up.

WITH GROUP–

Jocelyn looks back and sees Sandra struggling…and the flytrap getting ready again.

She stops.

JOCELYN

Dammit!

Kristen looks back, manic.

KRISTEN

You can’t go back!

JOCELYN

Aren’t you supposed to be the Christian?

Jocelyn starts going back.

KRISTEN

God dammit!

(looking up)

Sorry.

Then she goes back to help Jocelyn. The two help Sandra up and start walking with her to the rest of the group.

KRISTEN

Don’t worry. God will keep us alive.

JOCELYN

Listening to this might be worse than death.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Twists

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add twists to a scene. This makes the scene more interesting and intriguing for an audience and will enhance future scripts.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The players are brought to the stage. They are bloody, bruised and battered.

And none of them want to do this. It shows as they scowl at the audience and Host.

Alicia looks at the others, who give her nods of encouragement.

ALICIA

(loudly, to audience)

These games aren’t fair and aren’t right. This–

The Host’s smile stops her as he approaches.

HOST

(whispering softly)

Nice bracelet.

Alicia looks at her battered bracelet with confusion…then gets it. She looks up and sees her brother and mother in the crowd watching. Her brother looks petrified.

The Host turns back to the audience.

HOST

Something else you wanted to say, our new, little star?

He turns back to Alicia, waiting. She just looks at her brother, tears starting to come.

She starts shaking her head no at the host…begging him not to do this.

HOST

At a loss for words? Perhaps I can help. You see, ladies and gentlemen, a terrible travesty of justice has been done here today.

The audience quiets down.

HOST

These games have helped eliminate crime and injustice in our world. They act as a sort of sacrifice to keep evil at bay. But what if the wrong sacrifice was offered?

He looks at the confused audience and nods to the back.

A grainy video starts playing on the screen.

START VIDEO

INT. ALICIA’S DOMICILE – DAY

We see a corner, with shadows hiding behind it. But we hear Alicia’s voice distinctly.

ALICIA

It’s going to hurt, but it’s the only way.

We hear a shock and Alicia yelp in pain. Then we hear another yelp.

ALICIA

There’s no way they’re going to take you. I won’t let them.

Then she comes from the shadow and we see Alicia’s face…and her scarred up wrist where her wristband is.

END VIDEO

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The crowd murmurs as the light goes up.

HOST

See what happened there. You’re hero, the one you all rooted for, is an imposter!

The crowd murmurs angrily.

HOST

She took away your right to decide.

They get more angry.

HOST

And she’s made a mockery of our system, of your system!

They are getting pissed now.

HOST

And here’s who she saved!

He pulls her brother up harshly. The crowd can see he has down syndrome. They go quiet, but the Host hasn’t noticed yet.

HOST

Look at this! She saved this one! A cretin who’s not even all there! You chose him to die and she wouldn’t let it happen! Now, it’s time we teach them both a lesson!

The crowd doesn’t respond.

HOST

I say we put them both in the games and let them die together!

Crickets from the crowd.

HOST

What I say is–

CROWD MEMBER #1

I retract my vote!

The Host, shocked, stops and looks around.

HOST

I know it seems hard–

CROWD MEMBER #2

I retract my vote too!

CROWD MEMBER #3

I’m sorry!

CROWD MEMBER #4

We didn’t know any of this!

The crowd starts talking over themselves.

Kristen steps up.

KRISTEN

How about we agree to not put this kid in the games?

The crowd cheers in response. The guards start pushing her back. She pushes them back.

KRISTEN

Oh, fuck you!

The crowd cheers enthusiastically for her, as the Host hurries up.

HOST

If any of you speak again, I swear it will make the last hour feel like Disneyland.

TO THE SIDE

Alex talks quietly to Bullet, seething.

ALEX

Isn’t there supposed to be some way of making sure we don’t try and murder a fucking disabled person?

Bullet shrugs.

BULLET

Supposed to be.

BACK TO MAIN STAGE

The Host is trying to quell the crowd. But they won’t listen.

He finally grabs Tony and starts to shove him to the games. Alicia breaks through the guards and stands in the Host’s face…toe to toe.

The crowd cheers as she glares at him.

ALICIA

(whispering)

Now you pissed me off. And you get to see what that means.

The Host motions for a guard to take Tony in. The minute the guard touches him, Alicia swings for his face and WHAM! nails him hard.

The crowd goes wild. Some are now trying to help Tony stay out. And they are getting wild.

Alex quickly walks up to the Host.

HOST

Just a temporary problem–

But the look on Alex’s face shuts him up.

ALEX

We’re not putting that kid in there. Are you out of your fucking mind?

The Host gulps, then gives a big, fake smile and turns to the crowd.

HOST

We have decided…that as an act of forgiveness from our Godlike government, to not put her brother in the games and to let him live!

The crowd cheers as guards let Tony go.

The Host walks up to Alicia quickly.

HOST

You ruined your only shot at survival. I’ll make sure you die now. Count on it.

PTOOEY! Alicia spits in his face. Crowd cheers.

She looks at Tony and mouths “I love you” as they drag her and the others away.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dramatic Irony

What I learned doing this assignment was how to use dramatic irony to enhance a scene. This makes it more intriguing and compelling and will make the script stronger.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host grins maliciously, which the audience cheers.

HOST

Like I said, this is my last broadcast. And you didn’t think I would leave without a surprise or two, did you?

They all cheer.

HOST

I wasn’t sure we’d have time to display this, but our friends in biotech have created something new. Something…monstrous.

Huge applause.

An image of depraved, half-flayed undead humans appear on screen.

HOST

For the first time ever, scientists have found how to create real life zombies! Just like out of the movies of old. It’s not only the first monster of its kind, but the first time humans will be predators in the games!

The audience thunderous rolls.

HOST

And believe me when I tell you this…these zombies can do things those in Hollywood never could.

More cheers.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Three zombies walk out of the cage, sniff and start running…fast!

INT. ODDITIES ROOM – NIGHT

The group looks at the weapons set up, with traps and whatnot, in the room.

ALICIA

Okay, so all they have left is the wolf, right?

NICK

Right. That’s the last beast left.

KRISTEN

I can’t believe we’re actually winning! Thank you, God!

JOCELYN

God? Thank you me for saving you.

JOSH

We’re gonna be heroes.

KRISTEN

Heck yes, we are!

JOSH

Just like Bullet.

NICK

Please. I’m gonna be bigger than Bullet. More money, more girls–

JOSH

And more food. Definitely more food.

Jocelyn looks him up and down, jokingly judging.

JOCELYN

Really? More food?

Alicia sits, relaxing for the first time. She even smiles.

ALICIA

I can’t believe we actually did it.

NICK

Believe it, homegirl! We are out in just–

SNAP!

They hear a trap go off outside, and Nick smiles big.

NICK

Let’s end this shit.

KRISTEN

Heck yeah!

They walk to the entrance…

EXT. ODDITIES ROOM – NIGHT

…and see the trap has shut. But it’s not a wolf. It’s one of the zombies, who looks at them and screams.

The scream deafens them, to where they have to cover their ears and freeze.

JOCELYN

Aah!

They look and see a zombie grab Jocelyn and bite into her shoulder.

Alicia uses her strength to release her ears and hit the zombie in the head, to get it off Jocelyn.

Then she crumples from the sound, pulled in by Nick at the last possible second.

INT. ODDITIES ROOM – NIGHT

They hear the screaming, but aren’t deafened inside.

JOSH

That’s not the wolf.

KRISTEN

I don’t know what that is.

JOCELYN

Zombies. It’s zombies.

KRISTEN

How do you know–

She stops as Jocelyn pulls her shirt off her shoulder…and shows a bite mark that is already pussing and gross.

JOCELYN

Pretty sure.

JOCELYN

There are new monsters this year. Just perfect.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Conflict.

What I learned doing this assignment was how to elevate tension and conflict in a scene. This will make my scripts more intriguing, compelling and interesting for the audience.

EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT

Alicia runs as fast as she can, the monstrous beast nipping at her heels.

She’s almost at a large tree, when – BLAM! She trips and falls on her face.

She thinks it’s over – but the beast was going so fast that it trips over her and sprawls out.

She quickly gets to her feet and climbs the tree, getting up just in time as the beast is already up and coming after her again.

UP IN TREE

Alicia looks down and starts getting woozy, as she watches the monster. She looks back up, steadying herself.

ALICIA

(as if reciting)

When vertigo comes, breathe deep and count to 3…1…

She breathes deep once, looks down, and almost falls from the disorientation.

She holds on tight, trying not to lose it.

She looks around her and sees nothing…just the beast still nipping at her and trying to get up the tree.

She tries looking down again and loses he grip, catching herself just before the beast could reach her.

ALICIA

Oh God, please–

(stops, annoyed with herself)

No, no, don’t go out like Christian girl would–

(breathes deep, resigned)

If Tony’s watching. I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it–

KRISTEN (O.S.)

Hey, you…you freaking idiot!

Alicia looks and sees a petrified Kristen throw a rock at the beast.

The beast looks at her like she’s crazy, as she just stands there, frozen.

The two stare at each other, beast getting more furious as Kristen gets more scared.

KRISTEN

(trying to smile)

We are all God’s creatures…

ALICIA

Run!

That broke it. Kristen runs with the beast chasing after her. Kristen jumps in a small clown car, as the beast tries to get her through the window.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Kristen is petrified as the beast lurches at her.

KRISTEN

God made a mistake with you!

WHAM! The beast throws himself against the window to get her, making the glass crack as she screams.

EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT

Alicia looks at the Kristen stuck, with the beast lurking around the vehicle.

ALICIA

Better you than me. Idiot.

Alicia looks down and gets woozy again. She also sees the Beast is still nearby. She quickly goes from her branch to another tree branch.

After the short jump, she holds herself, refusing to look down. Then she quickly jumps to another, doing the same thing.

She does one more, now getting the hang of it.

She looks to one side and sees Kristen being attacked in the car. She looks the other way and the coast is clear.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Kristen prays.

KRISTEN

(calm)

God, I never questioned you about anything–

CRACK! The beast attacks again, window breaking even more.

KRISTEN

(manic)

–but why the hell did you make this horrid thing!

EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT

She starts to go the clear side, then looks back at Kristen praying in the car. She sighs deeply.

ALICIA

Praying again? Now?

Alicia, annoyed, goes to Kristen’s side of things again. She stands above a truck full of hay. She closes her eyes and jumps.

BACK OF HAY TRUCK

Alicia smiles after she lands there, not dead. But it doesn’t last, as WHAM! The truck rocked hard as the beast tries jumping up to get her.

Now, they’re both trapped in vehicles, with the beast between them, prowling.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dramatic Choices

What I learned doing this assignment was just how many dramatic moments are in a film. I don’t know if it’s because it’s based on a book or just because it’s a great flick, but Harry Potter had a dramatic moment almost every 30 seconds.

HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE

1. Dumbledore shows up and uses magic to take the light from every lamp.

2. A cat turns into Professor McGonagell.

3. The two have cryptic and intriguing talk about Harry and Hagrid.

4. Hagrid arrives – on a motorcycle from the sky

5. They leave baby Harry with the “Worst Muggles Ever,” but how are Harry’s only relatives…until he is ready.

6. Close up on baby Harry’s weird scar.

7. Preteen Harry lives in a cupboard with abusive relatives who are celebrating his cousin’s bday as they make Harry work and get breakfast ready.

8. Cousin throws temper tantrum over presents, even though Harry has nothing.

9. Uncle warns Harry about any “funny business” and threatens to take his meals away.

10. Dudley is bad to animals at zoo…

11. Leading to Harry talking to a snake!

12. Harry talks to snake about losing parents.

13. Harry magically puts his cousin in snake cage.

14. Harry allows snake to escape.

15. Snake thanks him with speech on way out.

16. Snake scares everyone all around.

17. Dudley ends up trapped in snake cage.

18. Uncle abuses Harry to find out what happened. When Harry says it’s magic, his uncle says there’s no such thing.

19. Owl drops off letter for Harry from Hogwarts.

20. Dudley steals letter and shows parents.

21. More and more owls drop off letters that his uncle destroys.

22. Uncle tires to shut mailbox for good.

23. Owls drop off huge amount of letters that Uncle burns.

24. Owls now all over yard as letters swarm in.

25. Uncle takes them to abandoned lighthouse.

26. Harry celebrates birthday alone when…

27. …Hagrid busts in.

28. Uncle tries to stand up to Hagrid, who bends the gun.

29. Hagrid gives Harry his first cake.

30. Hagrid tells Harry he’s a wizard for the first time and gives him entrance letter to Hogwarts.

31. Uncle refuses to let Potter go and they insult Harry and his parents.

32. Find out they lied about his parents the whole time.

33. Hagrid threatens Uncle over Dumbledore and then gives Dudley a tail for eating Harry’s cake.

34. Hagrid tells Harry not to tell anyone because he’s not allowed to do magic.

35. Harry and Hagrid go to back of a pub.

36. When Harry gets there, pub goes silent and then everyone wants to meet him.

37. Harry meets Dark Arts teacher, who acts oddly.

38. Harry wonders why he is famous, but Hagrid won’t tell him.

39. Enter Diagon Alley through secret door and see magical stuff all over.

40. Harry finds out he has secret Gringotts account with a lot of money.

41. Harry sees goblins for first time.

42. Hagrid gives secret thing to goblin from Dumbledore.

43. Harry sees all his money.

44. They go another vault, but keep it secret from Harry.

45. Hagrid tells Harry to keep second vault secret.

46. Harry goes to get a wand…and Ollivander already knows who he is.

47. Ollivander talks about Harry’s parents buying their first wands.

48. Harry tries different wands, with crazy results.

49. Harry finds his wand, which is paired with the wand of the person who gave Harry his scar.

50. Harry hears about “He Who Must Not Be Named” for first time and that he did terrible things.

51. Hagrid gets Harry and owl for his birthday.

52. Harry finds out the one who gave him his scar killed his parents.

53. Hagrid tells Harry about how some wizards go bad and tells story of “He Who Must Not Be Named,” getting scared when Harry says the name.

54. Hagrid tells Harry how his parents died…and that Harry was cursed in an effort to kill him.

[Matthew Frendo]

<div>Matthew Frendo’s final scene for feedback exchange
</div>

What I learned rewriting this scene is how to elevate the way characters are introduced using actions that represent the character profile. This will give greater insight and make the character more intriguing.

INT. DARREL’S DIVE – DAY

Of all dive bars in the world, this is the seediest. Rogues, killers and thieves sit all around. This is Mos Eisly…if Mos Eisly was even worse.

An old television plays in the corner. A news program, with a straight-laced looking news anchor talking–

NEWS PROGRAM

–it will be the thirtieth anniversary, so they say to expect special surprises. It’s also creator and host Greg Sunshine’s final time presenting the state’s moral lessons. After thirty years, the most loved man in all of Salina is moving on to a Lt. Governor role–

(reception gets bad)

–contestants will be picked tonight–watch–white knight police force has new rules–

WHAM! The bar owner, Darrel, hits the TV to try and get it to work better, with no luck. He hits it again, getting frustrated as we see–

–a girl with her face hidden by a hood in the corner, fraying and destroying the TV wires.

She quickly, quietly glides next to the increasingly irritated Darrel and starts taking food off of his plate, putting it in her pockets.

She grabs the chicken, the corn and bread, but before she can get the dessert, she hears a light–

BEEP BEEP BEEP–

–and when Darrel turns around to check on it, she’s already gone.

EXT. DIRTY STREET – DAY

A BROWN-HAIRED LADY is walking through the bustling, dangerous street, holding on to her child’s hand way too tightly.

She grabs it even harder, causing her CHILD to flinch.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Come on, you filthy ingrate. Useless. Just bloody useless! If you–

Just then, the girl in the hood runs into her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Watch where you’re going, you waste of fucking air!

The hooded girl throws the piece of bread to the Child, who grins. Before he can take a bite, the lady grabs it.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

What do you do to deserve this? You shouldn’t have any–

BLAM!

All of a sudden, she’s thrown to the ground. Two soldiers in pure white outfits sit on top of her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Whoa! What the–

She looks at them all.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

No! No! I didn’t get called! I didn’t get called!

They pull a blinking wristband from her bag.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

That’s not mine! Mine’s on my wrist!

They look and it is. They start looking around.

Another man, NICK (32), is calmly getting taken by white knights. He meets the eyes of the girl in the hood before she pulls it over her face…and he sees she has no wristband on.

He smirks to himself, then nods to the white knights.

NICK

Yo, there she is!

She looks back and the hood falls. We see ALICIA (23), a beautiful girl that stands apart from her ugly surroundings…but who also has a hardness and determination that comes from a life of lonely struggle on the streets.

She glares at Nick and spits in his face. His smirk drops.

She starts to panic as she looks around for a place that’s safe and finds everyone staring right at her.

She sees soldiers coming at her…and bolts.

She jumps over a garbage can, as she runs through the street.

She dodges vendors, hurdles over debris and runs swiftly.

She jumps off the side of a building, parkour-style, over a tent…and stops suddenly when she’s about to run into a homeless child and his dog.

BLAM! The soldiers grab her from behind and throw her to the ground. When they lift her up–

WHAM! She kicks one in the face, trying to get free.

ALICIA

It was just stealing food! It was just stealing food!

BZZZ! They stun her, knocking her out, and carry her off.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Ad for A-List

What I learned doing this assignment was how to introduce characters in a way that gives insight and the strengths of the character. This will make them more compelling and give a more intriguing portrait of the lead.

Character: Alicia

a. What is the Interesting Situation? They are taking the people who were chosen into custody for the punishment games.
b. What is the Insight about this character? Shows her craftiness, her bravery, her compassion and her fearfulness at once. It shows that even in the midst of her own danger, she still has compassion and cares for those who are hurting. It also shows that she has fear, but also is brave and stands up for herself.
c. What Action and Description will sell this character? Being crafty in trying to escape and a beautiful girl in an ugly world who has been hardened through struggle.

EXT. DIRTY STREET – DAY

A BROWN-HAIRED LADY is walking through the bustling, dangerous street, holding on to her child’s hand way too tightly.

She grabs it even harder, causing her CHILD to flinch.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Come on, you filthy ingrate. Useless. Just bloody useless! If you–

Just then, a girl with a hood over her head runs into her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Watch where you’re going, you waste of fucking air!

The hooded girl throws a piece of bread to the Child, who grins. Before he can take a bite, the lady grabs it.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

What do you do to deserve this? You shouldn’t have any–

BLAM!

All of a sudden, she’s thrown to the ground. Two soldiers in pure white outfits sit on top of her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Whoa! What the–

She looks at them all.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

No! No! I didn’t get called! I didn’t get called!

They pull a blinking wristband from her bag.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

That’s not mine! Mine’s on my wrist!

They look and it is. They start looking around.

Another man, NICK, is calmly getting taken by soldiers. He meets the eyes of the girl in the hood and sees her pull her sweatshirt over her bare wrist.

He smirks to himself, then points.

NICK

Yo, there she is!

She looks back, as the hood falls. We see ALICIA, a beautiful girl that stands apart from her ugly surroundings…but who also has a hardness and determination that comes from a life of lonely struggle on the streets.

She glares at Nick and spits in his face. His smirk drops.

Then, she sees the soldiers rushing at her…and bolts.

She jumps over a garbage can, as she runs through the street.

She dodges vendors, hurdles over debris and runs swiftly.

She jumps off the side of a building over a tent…and stops suddenly when she’s about to run into a hurt dog.

BLAM! The soldiers grab her from behind and throw her to the ground. When they lift her up–

WHAM! She kicks one in the face, trying to get free.

ALICIA

It was just stealing food! It was just stealing food!

BZZZ! They stun her, knocking her out, and carry her off.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dialogue on The Attack!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to make dialogue that is interesting and pops off the screen. This will help make the script a success, and possibly attract the attention of a great actor.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Well Educated, Brave, Crafty, Fearful

Subtext: Crafty

Name: Host

Traits: Ruthless, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

INT. ENTRY TO GAME THREE – DAY

Brad looks at his choices…a book and a knife. He looks at it quizzically.

NICK

Isn’t it obvious?

BRAD

Not sure what the challenge is.

NICK

I can’t think of nothing that is better with a book over a knife.

ALICIA

I’m telling you, if we all band together and refuse to play–

BRAD

Nah, my brother’s down there.

ALICIA

It’s him or you. Do you really want to die like this?

BRAD

I just…

He stops himself.

NICK

Some of us have people we care about. Speaking of that, the time, man…

Brad nods and grabs the knife, then he goes in. They watch on the screen.

Brad enters and sees a library on one side and a slew of barbed wire, broken glass and things that hurt on the other. A button is on either side.

HOST (O.S.)

You had a choice here, Brad, but unlike the others. You choice was between peace or war. If you had chosen the book, you would simply read for five minutes and be done. But you chose war, so–

NICK

Damn. Ain’t that a bad break.

ALICIA

Do they make these up as it goes along?

NICK

All the games are made six months in advance, to make it fair.

ALICIA

That’s what they say.

NICK

It’s checked by a committee of the brightest and most trusted administrators in the state.

CHESTER

I know them most trusted people. I killed for them most trusted people.

Nick gulps.

NICK

I’m sure they had a good reason.

CHESTER

There’s always a good reason to kill somebody. That ain’t hard to find.

They hear a splat on the screen. Alicia quickly turns away.

ALICIA

We might as well just go. No reason to stay and watch.

NATALIE

(crying)

There’s no way I’m going to survive. I already know it. Knew it since I first got taken.

NICK

I plan to survive and be the next Bullet. Better even. All those babes and the parties and the high rise apartment away from the fucktown slums. I want to get the fuck out of there so fucking bad.

ALICIA

I got put into West-3 after…nevermind. What area were you assigned to?

Nick just looks at her, mugging.

CHESTER

Don’t matter where we’re from. No one’s going back home if we don’t win.

NICK

Told you. I’m good!

CHESTER

You’re doing what everyone else does. Going in with all brawn. But the games are always a trick ahead too. Like the baseball, or this book.

ALICIA

Every time? You’ve seen ’em all?

He nods.

ALICIA

I never did. Wish I had now.

NICK

Bullshit. Everyone watches the games.

ALICIA

I don’t like to see people die.

NICK

People who deserve it.

ALICIA

You mean like us?

That shuts him up real quick.

NICK

Let’s get the fuck out of here. This dude ain’t gonna make it.

ALICIA

How do you–?

They hear the crowd cheer.

NICK

Like I said.

They walk on.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Outline

What I learned doing this assignment was how to fill my script with character actions during the outline phase. This should make the script full of character and more interesting to an audience.

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

OPENING MONTAGE

A montage shows how the world switched the judicial system to social media voting, with everyone monitored and recorded constantly, as they give a quick rundown of how it all works.

-In the future, technology is only given to a select group of people who can “responsibly” wield it. They are the ones who decide who gets punished for their “sins.”

NOTE-THIS IS HOW IT WORKS: These people were voted to be morally wrong by users on social media and now must pay the price. They will go together into a maze and in that maze, each will have to go through a challenge room. If they survive whatever challenges are given, they live and the group moves on. If they die, the group moves on without them. And each room will also offer a pay-to-play option for viewers, letting people control a device in the room and kill the player themselves for a high cost.

Then they announce the start of the show.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 1 – DAY

A family cheers, with three kids.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 2 – DAY

A group of college aged friends party it up.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 3 – DAY

A group of high society women gather together and watch happily.

INT. OPENING ARENA – DAY

CHARISMATIC: Host introduces characters.

These include wily loner ALICIA, ex-small time crook NICK, older, grizzled man CHESTER, and a small, taciturn girl named NATALIE, who is so quiet she can’t even speak to the audience. The host also points out JOHN “THE BULLET” SAWYER, the only player in 30 years to live through the games, who is living the high life with girls and food and booze in the crowd.

FEARFUL, CRAFTY: Alicia pleads for them to stop, saying she shouldn’t be there and that they picked the wrong person.

INT. ENTRY TO FIRST GAME – DAY

Some are nervous, Nick is ready to do it, believing he can win and make his life better.

FEARFUL: Alicia tells them all that they shouldn’t do it and that no one can make them.

While she gives her impassioned plea, the host shows them the–

INT. BOMB ROOM – DAY

A room at the bottom of the building where their closest friend or relative is being held. As a new twist to please the audience, if the players can’t finish in the time allotted, the bomb goes off and kills all their loved ones.

LONER DESCRIPTION: Alicia has no one there to save.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: The host makes a joke about it, as the audience cheers the new development.

INT. ENTRY TO FIRST GAME – DAY

The first player, a baseball mom, gets a choice between a bat or glove. She chooses the glove, confident she can win and claiming the games are never as hard as they look. (Note: players can watch the game from the door, as it plays on a screen).

FEARFUL: Alicia chews her fingernails, watching on the screen.

INT. FIRST GAME ROOM – DAY

Once she’s in, they show her “sin.” And it turns out she is a closet racist. She is killed horribly and graphically.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: Host makes pun about her death and crowd loves it.

INT. ENTRY TO SECOND GAME ROOM – DAY

The players watch the next person go in and start fighting…then can’t watch anymore. Some are now getting nervous and lashing out, while others turn morose.

CRAFTY: Alicia starts to look at everyone, thinking.

INT. WALK TO THIRD GAME – DAY

They talk about how they are all sitting ducks.

FEARFUL, BRAVE: Nick and Alicia are fighting about the games, with Nick defending them as a necessary way to make society good and Alicia taking the opposite opinion.

WELL EDUCATED: Find out Alicia and Chester are purges from the higher society.

MONTAGE – SM USERS DIDN’T KNOW PURGES COULD BE PUT IN GAMES

INT. ENTRY TO FOURTH GAME – DAY

Player doesn’t want to enter and fears dying alone. They make him go in, regretting it, but knowing it has to be done. They walk off before it’s even finished.

FEARFUL: Alicia walks off before player even loses.

INT. WALK TO FOURTH ROOM – DAY

They talk about where they’re from on the way, except Nick, who stays closed off.

WELL EDUCATED: Alicia speaks more knowledgeable about the world outside than the rest, except Chester, who is on her level.

INT. FOURTH GAME ROOM – DAY

Chester is having trouble in his room, which is a puzzle.

INT. ENTRY TO FOURTH GAME – DAY

Alicia watches the puzzle.

WELL EDUCATED, CRAFTY: Alicia starts to put puzzle together in her head.

INT. FOURTH GAME ROOM – DAY

Chester is getting the puzzle wrong and it’s getting worse as social media users start to come at him hard.

INT. ENTRY TO FOURTH GAME – DAY

CRAFTY. WELL EDUCATED: Alicia keeps doing the puzzle in her head, getting it. Then she thinks of the player before, not wanting to die alone…and gets an idea.

INT. FOURTH GAME ROOM – DAY

Chester is wrong and about to die when—

BRAVE, CRAFTY WELL EDUCATED, FEARFUL: –Alicia jumps in and starts doing it for him, nearly shaking in fear as she does.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

CHARISMATIC, CONSPIRING: Host talks about how this has never happened before to hushed crowd.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 1 – DAY

The family starts to hoot and holler for their son to get her.

INT. FOURTH GAME ROOM – DAY

WELL EDUCATED, FEARFUL: Alicia starts to do the puzzle and save him. The SM voter is about to kill her, when Chester saves her. They finish the puzzle and win together.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: Host makes a joke about how they won’t survive much longer.

MONTAGE – OPINIONS ON ALICIA ARE MIXED, WITH SOME HATING AND SOME STARTING TO LIKE

INT. BEHIND SCENES OF AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

The Bullet asks the Host if they are going to make it harder.

ARROGANT: The Host laughs it off, saying it was a one time thing that will boost clicks.

INT. ENTRY TO FIFTH GAME – DAY

CRAFTY: Alicia talks them all into working together to get out, but is really doing it just to get help for her own game.

They decide to work together to get out. Nick isn’t happy about it and says he’ll still be on his own. The rest agree to help, even after their own games, to help keep their loved ones safe.

INT. FIFTH GAME ROOM – DAY

The team wins by working together.

BRAVE, CRAFTY, FEARFUL, WELL EDUCATED: Alicia ends up leading them and figuring out how to win, but only as a way to keep herself safe, as she barely can keep her fear from showing until she’s out of the game.

INT. ENTRY TO FIFTH GAME – DAY

BRAVE: Alicia and the rest come out happy and excited.

FEARFUL: Alicia notices she’s shaking when no one is looking.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 2 – DAY

People actually cheer for Alicia and team.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

RUTHLESS, ARROGANT: Host makes joke about Alicia dying.

The crowd boos him for the first time ever, as they cheer the team.

SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS MONTAGE

Everyone is getting excited and starting to root for the players.

INT. ENTRY TO SIXTH GAME – DAY

The players are ready to go in, excited, when they call a sudden dinner break.

CUTS TO DINNER BREAK

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

CONSPIRING: Host is livid and worried about people liking the players and booing him, right before he is about to be promoted to Lt. Governor. He talks to Bullet and says something has to be done to make it right.

INT. DINNER – EVENING

Players are all put in separate rooms for dinner.

CONSPIRING, CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: The Host enters Alicia’s room and offers her a life of a hero, with riches and glory, like Bullet’s, if she’ll play along. He wants her to stop the teamwork and he’ll make her room easy. He hints that there may be worse consequences if she doesn’t play along.

CRAFTY, WELL EDUCATED, FEARFUL: Alicia tries to get him to let everyone go, but it doesn’t work. He talks about her well-off upbringing and gives sympathy to what happened to her. But at the end, with his last words about consequences, caused her to shut down and stop talking in fear.

INT. HALLWAY – EVENING

CONSPIRING: The Host is walking away from Alicia’s room, when he sees Nick eating alone. He thinks for a minute, then enters.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

They are interviewing Bullet at intermission. He thanks the audience for putting him through so much pain and making him a better person for the world.

INT. BEHIND SCENES OF AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

Moral authorities come to the host, worried about people working together and that it might give other citizens ideas about thinking for themselves and questioning the right way of things. They hint that his political future could be at risk.

CONSPIRING, ARROGANT: Host replies that they’ll fuck it all up themselves soon enough and then those ideas will vanish. But he looks worried, when they walk off and motions for Bullet to come over.

INT. ENTRYWAY TO ROOM 6 – EVENING

FEARFUL: Alicia changes her mind and says they shouldn’t work together after all. But she won’t look them in the eye as she talks.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

CHARISMATIC: Host is relieved and makes joke to audience about how these low-levels can never work together for long.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – EVENING

Natalie goes in alone and even though the audience is easy on her, she is about to die. Chester goes in, glaring at Alicia.

FEARFUL: Alicia just stands there, silent.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

Audience boos as Alicia stays behind.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – EVENING

They are both about to die, when—

BRAVE: –Alicia realizes they can’t do any worse to her than this, and comes in at the last minute to save Natalie. Right before the 3 are about to win, Nick enters and sabotages them, killing Chester. Now, only Alicia, Nick and Natalie are alive.

INT. ENTRYWAY TO ROOM 6 – EVENING

FEARFUL, BRAVE: Alicia is crying about Chester and confronts Nick. Find out Nick is doing this for his mother and that the Host offered him an easy game if he made sure they don’t’ work together. Then he tells Alicia how they knew each other—and how she was responsible for having him thrown in jail when she was stealing food herself and that led to him losing his job.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

CONSPIRING, CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: The Host is angry at Alicia, but smirks about it. Then he makes an announcement—and Bullet brings out Alicia’s long-lost father, not looking happy about it.

INT. ENTRYWAY TO ROOM 6 – EVENING

FEARFUL: Alicia crumples, seeing her father and hearing him say how much he looked for her after her family’s collapse. She watches them put him in bomb room.

INT. WALK TO ROOM 7 – EVENING

Natalie tries to talk to Alicia, but—

FEARFUL: –Alicia is a walking comatose patient.

INT. ENTRYWAY TO ROOM 7 – EVENING

Nick is now shaking in fear, and looks back for help but finds none. He goes in alone.

FEARFUL: Alicia just stands, watching, still comatose.

INT. SEVENTH ROOM – NIGHT

Nick’s room is supposed to be easy after doing what the host said…but it’s not. He goes in alone and does horribly. He is about to die, when—

BRAVE, FEARFUL, WELL EDUCATED: –Alicia rushes in to help and figures it out quickly. She isn’t going to make it. Then an audience member who paid to play stands down, letting both escape.

INT. ENTRYWAY TO ROOM 7 – EVENING

Nick wants to know why Alicia helped him.

BRAVE, FEARFUL: She tells him that this makes up for what she did to him and that she doesn’t think she can make it anyway, so he should save his mother. She also says they shouldn’t help her and just save themselves.

None of them can figure out why the audience didn’t kill them.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

ARROGANT: The host watches them leave the room, furious that the audience didn’t hurt them. Then he’s informed that they are going to bring the players onto the stage. He refuses, not wanting to talk to such “trash,” but they point out it’s done every year and it will look weak if they don’t do it now. This is the first year more than one person has made it this far.

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

Players get ready to go on stage and meet Bullet. Find out he does live the high life…but is never allowed to be alone or go outside without permission, so no one finds out how screwed up this thing made him.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS: Host makes game out of character’s misfortune and talks down about them to audience.

They bring out the players to cheers…until little Natalie makes a speech that touches them all. It silences the place as the players walk off. A guard tries to manhandle her and the audience starts to throw things at the stage. They rush the players off.

BRAVE: Alicia fights back to save Natalie, bringing cheers.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Natalie tells Alicia she was her inspiration for speaking and gave he the confidence she needed.

BRAVE: Alicia hugs her and tells her that though she might be Natalie’s hero, Natalie is her hero.

INT. ENTRY TO ROOM 8 – NIGHT

Alicia’s room. They all agree, even Nick, to help her. And they still have minutes to go to stop the bomb, so should be no worries. Nick apologizes for his earlier actions.

BRAVE: Alicia says not to help her, but they refuse and say they will either way.

AUDIENCE MONTAGE

The audience all start to love them more.

INT. SEVENTH ROOM – NIGHT

FEARFUL: Alicia enters…and finds out her sin. She had a best friend as a kid, who helped her when she got picked on. When they got older, Alicia got pretty and the other girl didn’t and Alicia mocked her relentlessly to make friends. The girl ended up killing herself. Alicia buckles from the pain.

Then she looks at her challenge and sees that they purposefully made it too long to win.

CRAFTY, BRAVE: Alicia decides to sacrifice herself to save her father and her friends’ loved ones. But right before she is about to die—

BOOM

Bomb room blows up anyway.

INT. SEVENTH ROOM – NIGHT

CHARISMATIC, RUTHLESS, CONSPIRING, ARROGANT: Host comes out and explains that Chester wasn’t fully dead. And since he didn’t complete the maze, it isn’t finished. Then they show Chester on life support…just before he dies for real. Since they wouldn’t make it in time anyway, he figured he would be nice and blow the room up now and stop Alicia from hurting herself (and becoming a martyr). He also states that Alicia’s willingness to sacrifice herself proved that the games took away her sin of Pride.

BRAVE, FEARFUL: Alicia and the players fight back, as troops come in to protect the host, tears streaming due to their lost relatives.

The military has them until—

CRAFTY, BRAVE: Alicia tells the players who paid to play start using their weapons against the military.

ARROGANT: Host laughs it off, thinking no one will–

–until players do start helping the players out.

A battle ensues.

BRAVE, CRAFTY: Alicia and—

RUTHLESS, ARROGANT: –Host face off.

Alicia beats the host, and then lets Bullet kill him for all the host put him through.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

BRAVE: Alicia and the players walk out of the hall, away from the game.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Translated Characters

What I’ve learned is how to put a characters traits into action. This will help my writing be stronger, with more dynamic characters.

NOTE: the ones I decided to use have ** next to the idea

CHARACTER PROFILE – ALICIA

1. Basic character traits:

Compassionate

**Try to get coplayers saved**

Plays with child

Gives speech about inhumanity

Gives dedicated speech to the fallen

Cries and pleads for future players

Brave

Attack

Flee into crowd with guards around

Take on guards

Refuse to talk in protest

**Speak against the system**

Crafty

Figure out way to get message out in witty way

Manipulate audience to her side

**Give speech that has anti-Host undertones**

Play victim

Use audience emotions against them

Bring up the dead as a tribute to change their minds

Use social movement to get people on her side

Talk about dead relatives and pain as way to relate

Fearful

Crawl into a corner

Cower

Refuse to go

Not able to speak in fear

**Not able to act (when sees friends family in crowd)**

Runs away

Cries

Begs

Pleads

Screams

Panic attack
2. Want/Need WANT – to survive the punishment games NEED – to feel loved and strong

Gives speech showing her strength and talk the audience to her side

Get audience on her side to point where government is scared to kill her

**Punch out host and walk off’ with audience cheering**

To give emotional speech

Plays along, getting love from audience
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) Selfishness and desire for survival vs. compassion and desire to help and love others

**Starts to work for herself, then ends up working for everyone**

Starts by trying to help all players, then focuses on herself

Gives speech about helping others as way to manipulate audience to her side
4. Secret: She was part of a group that bullied her best friend from childhood (who was from the less affluent neighborhood), causing that friend to kill herself.

Gives speech about bullying

Gives speech about regret and how you can’t take it back

Walks off in shame

Won’t look at audience

Sees friends’ mother in crowd and breaks down in tears

**Sees friends family in crowd and can’t speak**
5. Flaw: she is dependent on others and often relies on them too much.

Looks to other players to get her out of it

Begs host to help her

Begs audience for help

Crumples to the ground
6. What is special about this character? Though she is from the rich part of society, she was born and partially raised in a less affluent section, giving her street knowledge and school knowledge.

She makes speech appealing to both classes

Gives speech about class warfare

Brings together a poor and rich person in solidarity

Uses friction between the two to cause a ruckus

Amplify divisions

**Send hate to the ones who screwed her**
Character Logline: Alicia is a wily loner dealing with panic attacks who must overcome the odds and survive the brutal games to save her father and herself.

Gives speech about overcoming obstacles

**Talks about love of father**

Says nothing, doing it herself

Has a panic attack

Starts to have an attack, then gets it under control

**Starts to have an attack, until she fights back**

CHARACTER PROFILE – HOST

1. Basic character traits:

Charismatic

Uses charm to turn audience against Alicia

**Outcharms all players**

**Kisses babies and plays to audience**

Song and dance number

Comedy set

Photo shoot

Brings on apprentices

Ruthless

Kills them right there

Humiliates them to audience

Tortures them

Psychologically messes with them

Berates them

Ego-driven

Talks about himself

Talks about how great he is

Wears a shirt with his own face on it

**Surrounds himself with pics of himself**

Allows others to tell world how great he is

Conspiring

Conspires with audience members to hate on Alicia

Conspires with Bullet to humiliate them all

Tries to make deal with players

**Mentions deal to Alicia**

Makes TV deal to make them look bad

Works with government to kill them there
2. Want/Need WANT – to put on a show that people love NEED – to have power over others

Makes a show as he berates players

Makes a show as he overpowers players

Has arm wrestling contest

Hurts someone on stage

**Makes them beg to him or audience for audience enjoyment**
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) He tries to do good by doing horrendous things to people he considers morally wrong.

Talks about the good of the games

Talks about the good of himself and how bad players are

Kills someone, then gives justification

Has dominatrix on stage

**Tries to feed a hungry dog, but when it bites him, he kills it** (this may be in a different scene actually, but I plan to use it)
4. Secret: killed his parent’s murderers himself, which gave him idea for games.

**Speech about pain of victims.**

Speech about need for violent justice

Kills a person himself to show it’s morally right
5. Flaw: he will go to any length to win and doesn’t care about the cost

Says he’ll retire if all players, including Alicia, die

Blows up entire stage to win

Kills them on stage, going to jail afterward

Turns himself in for crime as way to beat Alicia

Tells his true story to get audience on his side

Makes up lie about Alicia to make audience hate her

Commits crime to frame on Alicia

Beats her down on stage

Bribes audience

Gives away entire fortune, just to make her look bad
6. What is special about this character? He started this show 30 years ago to get back at criminals, after his drug running parents were killed by other drug runners.

Speech about guilt

Speech about good and bad in people

Tells audience truth about how he started show, as a way to get them on his side
Character Logline: The Host has to deal with a player outwitting his games for the first time ever and must find a way to make her look bad to the audience to keep the power he has.

Makes up lie about Alicia

Finds dirt on Alicia

**Brings up dirt about Alicia’s family**

Commits crime and pins it on her

Edits games to make her look bad

Gives fake story about what they talked about

Bring up her ex-lovers and have them talk about dirty sex secrets

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Chemistry

What I learned doing this assignment was how to find different areas of chemistry between characters before writing. This will give my characters more depth and make it a more compelling script.

Alicia/The Host –

similarities: both well educated, (both lost loved ones to violence?…just thought of this, could be a breakthrough)

differences: he wants power and she wants equality/freedom, she’s about truth and integrity and he’s about showboating and false fronts

playing game/competing agendas – she wants to beat his game and he will do anything to stop her, he wants crowd to love him and crowd starts loving her more, competing on who is craftiest

need fulfillment: she needs strength to stand on her own and he needs control to keep others dependent on him

Alicia/Audience –

similarities: all have struggled in the face of some adversity, share hopes and dreams

differences: they consider her evil and immoral and think she victimized them and should pay for it while she sees herself as their victim,

playing game: they play against her at first then slowly turn to her side,

need fulfillment: she needs to feel supported, they need to feel inspired

The Host/Audience

similarities: both want justice done and love a good show

differences: he wants them to be pacified to keep them in line and they want safety

playing game: he wants them on his side, but they start to change partway through, making him go to greater efforts to keep their love and attention

need fulfillment: they need to feel safe and secure and he needs them to love and follow him

Alicia/Nick –

similarities: both have family members screwed by system, both lived in same neighborhood

differences: he’s about strength and she’s about craftiness, she’s about working together to all live and he’s about doing it all alone to win for himself

playing game/competing agenda – both vie for the right way to play the challenges with the others, both get deals from host and play it differently

need fulfillment: both need acceptance but both look in different (and wrong) places

The Host/Nick

similarities: both have ruthless trait

differences: host is rich and nick is poor

playing game: nick wants to win and host wants them all to die

need fulfillment: host needs power and nick needs to stand up and be a hero

Alicia/Chester –

similarities: both good people, she reminds him of his granddaughter

differences: he’s more violent and she’s more crafty

playing game: play together, until she makes a mistake that leads to his death

need fulfillment: he needs to protect to feel useful and she needs to be protected to feel like she matters

The Host/Chester

similarities: both violent, strong men who stand up for what they believe in

differences: Chester believes in freedom and love while Host believes in power and fear

playing game: Chester wants to win and help others win and Host wants them all to die

need fulfillment: Chester needs to stand for something and Host wants no one to stand for anything

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Arc

What I learned doing this assignment was how to make a character arc more dynamic. This will make the script more compelling and relatable.

Alicia – fearful follower to fearless leader

1. The Issue: Alicia has a fearful trait that shows up whenever faced with confrontation or in a situation she can’t find a way out of.

2. The Challenges:

Challenge 1: Alicia finds herself in the punishment challenges, but doesn’t know why or how she will survive.

Challenge 2: if she can’t make it, her long lost father could die.

Challenge 3: she watches 2 players die horribly, making her even more afraid

Challenge 4: she figures out a puzzle and enters another player’s game to help, but almost dies and is saved in the end by Chester.

Challenge 5: after working with other players, she makes a mistake and 3 of them die…including Chester, who was her protector.

Challenge 6: she is just barely able to help another player before panic attack kicks in

Challenge 7: Host offers her easy way out…if she’ll just let the others die.

Challenge 8: When Alicia refuses, challenges kill player unfairly, making it more hopeless.

3. The Transformation: At the last challenge, Alicia is put in a no-win situation that will cause everyone’s relatives to die. Instead, she faces her fear and decides to sacrifice herself for her father and friends. Before she can, the host kills everyone anyway. Alicia then becomes a warrior, fearlessly fighting against the games until beating the host and leaving him in a challenge. She walks off a victor with her friends making up a new family.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Characters Live!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to bring a character to life for the audience. This will increase relatability and make it a more compelling journey that people can relate to.

EXT. DIRTY STREET – DAY

The street is a filthy mess. Wind blows sand like a Wild West film, but with far more trash and debris, as people huddle in their makeshift huts.

Sellers of various types do their best to make money and get their goods into people’s hands.

Two mangy dogs encircle a moldy piece of bread, about to fight to the death over it.

Before they can attack, they both flinch as ALICIA (18) stomps in front of them. They both jump back and look at her with snarling teeth.

Alicia breaks the bread in half and gives each some. They eat their own pieces, leaving each other alone.

She stands up and surveys the area, standing tall. In a world where most people have been broken, she has an strength and regality that sets her apart. She squints her eyes, full of sorrow and loneliness, looking for an opening.

Then she sees it. She quickly walks up a seller with moldy fruit who is talking to NICK (22), a man pleading for food.

NICK

Hey man, look, I ain’t been a thief for a long time now. I just want a few apples for my Mom–

The SELLER looks at him, appraising.

ALICIA

Hey, he was the guy who robbled Sal last week! He was really hurt–

Nick looks at her, confused, until–

SELLER

I knew it! Thief! Now leave, before I get my friend to come out.

The Seller turns back around. Nick is about to say something to Alicia, when she throws an apple at him, yelling–

ALICIA

Hey! He’s doing it again!

The Seller looks at Nick with the apple. Before Nick can say anything, the Seller’s eyes bug out in rage.

SELLER

You son of a bitch!

The Seller pulls out a bat with a nail through it. NICK glares at her–

NICK

I never did nothing to you.

Then he runs off, as the Seller gives chase.

She pulls an old bag from under her shirt and quickly fills it with moldy fruit, before hurrying away.

After only a few steps, she is grabbed by a DIRTY MAN. A startled Alicia tries to get away, but he holds on.

DIRTY MAN

You pulled that trick with two others last week. I know. I see you here, every day. They always believe you because you’re pretty and smart and all sophisticated like–

He starts to look her up and down, getting skeezy.

She’s getting scared, and tries to break free.

DIRTY MAN

There are ways to get me not to talk. Oh, such fun ways–

He squeezes her arm, digging his fingers in and starts to pull her towards an alley.

She shoves the bag at him. He grabs it and the minute he releases her, she runs, fast.

She quickly goes behind the corner, hyperventilating and quivering in fear.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dueling Agendas

What I learned doing this assignment was how to enhance a scene by focusing more on dueling agendas. This will make my scenes more captivating for the reader and audience.

PROTAGONIST

Name: Alicia

Traits: Intelligent, Brave, Crafty, Fearful

Subtext: Crafty

ANTAGONIST

Name: The Host

Traits: Ruthless, Ego-driven, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

Alicia is hopeful at this point, seeing the audience let them live. For once, she thinks she, and maybe even the others, can survive. She wants to live…and wants her new friends to survive with her.

Host is incensed that the audience turned
against the games. He wants to keep his power and will try to tame Alicia to
get it. He will keep her imprisoned as a hero if she plays along…and kill her
if she doesn’t.

INT. ALICIA’S DINNER ROOM – NIGHT

The dinner room is ultra-futuristic and positive, which contrasts with Alicia’s blood stained clothes.

They bring in a large dinner of chicken, potatoes, veggies – and a huge hamburger.

She greedily starts eating the hamburger without hesitation.

Halfway through, she looks up to find the smiling face of The Host looking down on her.

THE HOST

Figured you might like that.

She looks down at the burger, suspiciously, as she inches back away from him. The Host chuckles.

THE HOST

No, nothing like that. If you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of ways to kill you that aren’t so…cowardly.

She looks again at the burger, shrugs, and keeps eating, but sits farther back.

THE HOST

No, that was a gift. An offering if you will.

ALICIA

Offerings are usually made to the Gods.

THE HOST

This is a different kind. This one is for an offering of friendship.

Alicia looks at him, incredulous.

ALICIA

Friendship?

He nods enthusiastically, all smiles. Alicia sits up and tries to be nonchalant–

ALICIA

So, I assume that would include letting the rest of us out early–

The Host chuckles.

THE HOST

You know, I started these games thirty years ago. Most people think I’m just the lovable host, but the whole thing was my idea.

ALICIA

And you’re proud?

The Host smiles sadly, sitting closer to her.

THE HOST

I’m going to tell you something that no one else knows. In fact, if they did, I may be in these games next to you.

Alicia gulps down the bite in her mouth and listens attentively.

THE HOST

How old are you again, eighteen? When I was your age, I went off to University. There were no games back then. It was just cops and robbers in the streets, a savage society if there ever was one. My first night there, I went to a party and had the time of my life. When I awoke the next morning, the police were at my door. My parents had been murdered the night before. They raped my mother and made my father watch.

ALICIA

Oh, God…

THE HOST

I tried to attend University, but I couldn’t listen to the goodwill of man bullshit after that. So, I quit. And I spent the next six months working for a low-level bounty hunter in the worst ghetto the lower hills has to offer. When I learned enough, I found the people who hurt my parents. And I killed them. Myself, slowly, with these hands.

He holds up his hands, as if amazed.

THE HOST

After that, I came up with the games. To give other victims the same satisfaction I got. And after that, they grew. Now, we don’t even have real crimes anymore. And all it costs are ten lives a year.

ALICIA

In a way, you’re a hero. I can admire that.

THE HOST

Can you?

Alicis smiles, getting more animated.

ALICIA

Sure. I think if we told the audience what happened, they would to. They’ll probably love you even more after you show forgiveness by letting us all go–

The Host gets in her face, mean now.

THE HOST

Do you really think I’ll fall for this second-rate psychobabble shit? If you won’t talk real, there’s no point to any of this!

Alicia deflates, then looks at him, and decides.

ALICIA

Fine. Your rationale is bullshit. Everyone feels like a victim. Doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s just a way to make the guilty feel like good people.

He smiles broadly.

THE HOST

That’s exactly right. I knew you were smart. That’s why they work. Because everyone feels avenged, even those people who do the abusing.

ALICIA

Back to our friendship and letting us out–

The Host laughs.

ALICIA

It can be the one forgiveness in thirty years. Spin it like we’re all heroes. It’ll be good for everybody–

THE HOST

That doesn’t work, sweetie. And frankly, you’re smart enough to know that. One hero gives them a person to admire and emulate. Too many and you have revolution on your hands.

Alicia looks glumly at the burger.

ALICIA

So, this whole friend thing–

THE HOST

Is for you alone. And it’ll be easy. Just don’t go in as teams anymore. Let everyone go in alone and the audience get what they want. Then, when you’re the last one left, we give you an easy game and you come out as the second victor of the games. I bet you even become more popular then Bullet.

ALICIA

But everyone else–

He shrugs.

THE HOST

Like I said, the audience needs what they need. But you won’t have to worry about that. Or money. Or resources. Or anything else ever again. And you’ll be the most loved person in the world. More people have died for far less, trust me.

ALICIA

My father, in the room downstairs–

THE HOST

Will be safe as a clam. I promise.

Alicia sits there, silent and glum.

THE HOST

I have to get back to the crowd. But remember this…I am a great friend. More than that, I am a savage enemy. And if you’re not a friend, well–

He shrugs again.

THE HOST

(savage)

Even if you don’t care about yourself or your father, you have more family out there. And I can make their life hell for generations. Fucking generations!

(happy and positive again)

Toodles!

He smiles, waves happily and leaves.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Subtext and Loglines

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create a more compelling character and how to do loglines for characters. This will help make my scripts more engaging and intriguing.

Name: Alicia

Traits: Intelligent, Brave, Crafty, Fearful

Subtext: Crafty

Character Logline: Alicia is a meek, pampered girl who must overcome the odds and survive the brutal games to save her father and herself.

Possible areas of subtext: finding ways to win games, finding ways to get others to help her, finds novel way of getting back at host, finding way to make others feel better in danger

Name: Host

Traits: Ruthless, Ego-driven, Conspiring, Charismatic

Subtext: Conspiring

Character Logline: The Host has to deal with a player outwitting his games for the first time ever and must find a way to make her look bad to the audience to keep the power he has.

Possible areas of subtext: conspires to make sure players don’t win games, conspires with government to make sure populace is under control, conspires with old player to give good PR, tries to conspire with Alicia to come out on top

Name: The Audience

Traits: Politically correct, Demanding, Vengeful, Compassionate

Subtext: Politically correct

Character Logline: The audience is the decider of player’s fates who wants to see vengeance done, but they come up against a sensitive girl (Alicia) who makes them like her and root for her.

Possible areas of subtext: putting people in games for not following their moral code, paying to hurt players who break code, enjoyment as players who weren’t PC are killed, laughing at puns that insult player and talk up their PC values

Name: Nick

Traits: Strong, Iron-willed, Scheming, Defiant

Subtext: Scheming

Character Logline: Nick is a violent man who got himself into the games to become rich and famous, but comes up against Alicia

Possible areas of subtext: schemed to make sure he was voted into games, schemes to get audience to like him, tries to scheme with host for help, almost everything he does is some kind of scheme throughout

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s characters

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create well rounded characters that will fascinate an audience. This will make my scripts more intriguing and emotional for viewers.

CHARACTER PROFILE – ALICIA
1. Basic character traits:

Intelligent

Brave

Compassionate

Fearful
2. Want/Need WANT – to survive the punishment games NEED – to feel loved and strong
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) Selfishness and desire for survival vs. compassion and desire to help and love others
4. Secret: She was part of a group that bullied her best friend from childhood (who was from the less affluent neighborhood), causing that friend to kill herself.
5. Flaw: she is dependent on others and often relies on them too much.
6. What is special about this character? Though she is from the rich part of society, she was born and partially raised in a less affluent section, giving her street knowledge and school knowledge.

CHARACTER PROFILE – HOST
1. Basic character traits:

Charismatic

Ruthless

Ego-driven

Arrogant
2. Want/Need WANT – to put on a show that people love NEED – to have power over others
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) He tries to do good by doing horrendous things to people he considers morally wrong.
4. Secret: killed his parent’s murderers himself, which gave him idea for games.
5. Flaw: he will go to any length to win and doesn’t care about the cost
6. What is special about this character? He started this show 30 years ago to get back at criminals, after his drug running parents were killed by other drug runners.

CHARACTER PROFILE – NICK
1. Basic character traits:

Strong

Iron Willed

Loner

Defiant
2. Want/Need WANT – to win the games and get famous NEED – security
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) Desire for fame and success vs. the family morals he was taught as a kid by his mother.
4. Secret: Nick saw his step-dad beat his Mom and pushed him out the window, which his mother went to jail for.
5. Flaw: untrusting, won’t accept help and does everything on his own.
6. What is special about this character? Nick made sure he was voted into the games on purpose, because he saw no other way to get the life he wanted.

[Matthew Frendo]

I actually just redid mine almost completely. But the concept is the same.

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –

Dramatic triangle:

Alicia is the rich girl who can’t do anything on her own but must find a way to survive.

The Host is a power-hungry do-gooder who runs the games and thrives on having power over people.

The audience is the triangle character, as their votes and actions determine how the games, and the final conflict, goes.

– Character Arc

Part to be changed: Alicia is rich girl who always feels scared and alone

Biggest fear: that she’s not worthy of love.

Completion of arc: she’s a strong woman who can stand on her own and finds a place she can belong

– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma

. b. Dramatic Question: Can Alicia, a rich girl with no fighting skills, find a way to survive the games?
c. Main conflict: The players must survive violent “games”, as social media users try to find new ways to hurt and kill them.
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia try to survive her own game and let innocent people die or give up her life so her father and her friends’ loved ones can survive?

– Theme

To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

– Plot/Structure

Ascension – Alicia starts as a weak girl who can’t do anything on her own and changes through the games into a battle-hardened strong woman who will stand up to anything without fear.

Opening Montage of how society got to the point where social media is used a judicial system, then opening as host introduces characters and rules.
Inciting Incident. To add something new to the games, the prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person, a mild mother, enters her game and is shown to be a closet racist. She is killed horrifically by audience votes.

First turning point at end of Act 1 A player is about to die, when Alicia jumps in and helps. The first time ever someone helped another person. The group decides to work together to survive.
Mid-Point Chester, who was protecting Alicia through the game, dies, leaving her alone with Nick and 2 others who are weak. Now, she has to stand on her own.

Second turning point at end of Act 2. Some of the audience starts to like the team…and use the pay option to try and help the players instead of kill them.
Crisis. Alicia has a choice: She can try to survive her own game and let the room get blown up or sacrifice herself for her father and her new friends’ loved ones.
Climax Alicia enters her room and finds out she unknowingly caused her best childhood friend to kill herself after mocking her for years when they got older. She breaks down over it. Knowing she can’t complete her game in time, she decides to bravely face her death to make sure the people in the room survive.

Just as Alicia is about to do it—

BOOM

Bomb room explodes. Host comes out and gives fake reason for blowing it up. Then he whispers that he told her she wouldn’t’ beat him.

The players fight, so he calls in the Elite military. They come in and grab the players. When all looks lost, audience members start using the pay option to fight the military.

Battle ensues. Alicia beats Host, who is then killed by Bullet.
Resolution The players walk down the hall and out of the games, haggard, bloody and beaten.

ESSENCE OUTLINE

OPENING MONTAGE

A montage shows how the world switched the judicial system to social media voting, with everyone monitored and recorded constantly, as they give a quick rundown of how it all works.

NOTE-THIS IS HOW IT WORKS: These people were voted to be morally wrong by users on social media and now must pay the price. They will go together into a maze and in that maze, each will have to go through a challenge room. If they survive whatever challenges are given, they live and the group moves on. If they die, the group moves on without them. And each room will also offer a pay-to-play option for viewers, letting people control a device in the room and kill the player themselves for a high cost.

Then they announce the start of the show.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 1 – DAY

A family cheers, with three kids.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 2 – DAY

A group of college aged friends party it up.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 3 – DAY

A group of high society women gather together and watch happily.

INT. OPENING ARENA – DAY

Host introduces characters. These include pretty rich girl ALICIA, hardened thug NICK, older, grizzled man CHESTER, and a small, taciturn girl named NATALIE, who is so quiet she can’t even speak to the audience. Alicia pleads for them to stop, saying she shouldn’t be there and did nothing wrong. The host also points out JOHN “THE BULLET” SAWYER, the only player in 30 years to live through the games, who is living the high life with girls and food and booze in the crowd.

INT. ENTRY TO FIRST GAME – DAY

Some are nervous, Nick is excited, believing he can win and make his life better. Alicia tells them all that they shouldn’t do it and that no one can make them. While she gives her impassioned plea, the host shows them the–

INT. BOMB ROOM – DAY

A room at the bottom of the building where their closest friend or relative is being held. As a new twist to please the audience, if the players can’t finish in the time allotted, the bomb goes off and kills all their loved ones. Alicia’s dad is in there.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

The host makes a joke about it, as the audience cheers the new development.

INT. ENTRY TO FIRST GAME – DAY

Nick is trying to force the first player in, until Alicia tries to protest. He is about to get violent, when Chester steps in and saves her. Then Nick suddenly pushes in the first player, who still doesn’t want to go. (Note: players can watch the game from the door, as it plays on a screen).

INT. FIRST GAME ROOM – DAY

Once she’s in, they show her “sin.” And it turns out she is a closet racist. She is killed horribly and graphically.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host makes pun about her death and crowd loves it.

INT. SECOND GAME ROOM – DAY

The players watch the next person go in and die. The only one unphased is Nick, who doesn’t care. And he is still mugging Alicia hard. Alicia is staying by Chester’s side.

INT. ENTRY TO THIRD GAME – DAY

They talk about how they are all sitting ducks. They are now nearly silent and despondent about the situation.

INT. THIRD GAME ROOM – DAY

Third player is having trouble in his room, which is a puzzle.

INT. ENTRY TO THIRD GAME – DAY

Alicia watches the puzzle.

INT. THIRD GAME ROOM – DAY

Third player is getting the puzzle wrong and it’s getting worse as social media users start to come at him hard.

INT. ENTRY TO THIRD GAME – DAY

Alicia keeps doing the puzzle in her head, getting it.

INT. THIRD GAME ROOM – DAY

Third player is wrong and about to die when Alicia jumps in and starts doing it.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host talks about how this has never happened before to hushed crowd.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 1 – DAY

The family starts to hoot and holler for their son to get her.

INT. THIRD GAME ROOM – DAY

Alicia starts to do the puzzle and save him. The voter is about to kill her, when Chester comes in and saves her. They finish the puzzle and win together.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host makes a joke about how they won’t survive much longer.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 1 – DAY

The son is disappointed and pissed.

INT. BEHIND SCENES OF AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

The Bullet asks the Host if they are going to make it harder. The Host laughs it off, saying it was a one time thing that will boost clicks.

INT. ENTRY TO FOURTH GAME – DAY

They decide to work together to get out. Nick isn’t happy about it and says he’ll still be on his own. Natalie doesn’t work with them because the small girl is too scared and just hides in the corner.

INT. FOURTH GAME ROOM – DAY

The team wins by working together. Alicia tries to use a gun, which she immediately fails at, leaving Chester to save her again.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 2 – DAY

They throw something at the voter who failed at killing them.

INT. BEHIND SCENES OF AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Moral authorities come to the host, worried about people working together and that it might give other citizens ideas about thinking for themselves and questioning the right way of things. Host replies that they’ll fuck it all up themselves soon enough and then those ideas will vanish. But he looks worried.

INT. FIFTH GAME ROOM – DAY

They play the game as a team and win even easier than last time. Alicia picks up a bat and manages to use it in a way that helps them win.

INT. SOCIAL MEDIA VOTERS 3 – DAY

The group of women are now bored.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

The crowd is getting bored too. The government authorities look at the host gravely. The host talks in his headset, telling them to get the contingency plan ready.

INT. SIXTH GAME ROOM

They start to win, but Alicia gets overconfident and it ruins things. Chester dies saving her, and 2 others die in the room with him.

INT. BEHIND SCENES OF AUDIENCE STAGE- DAY

Host says to call off contingency, then smiles big at the moral authorities and tells them he was right all along and it’s all over now.

INT. ENTRY TO SIXTH GAME – DAY

Alicia crumples out of the room alone, a broken mess. Nick says I told you so.

INT. HALLWAY / ENTRY TO ROOM 7 – DAY

Natalie sidles up to Alicia and speaks for the first time, asking for help in the next room, even though she was too afraid to help them before. Alicia replies with a cryptic no.

INT. SEVENTH ROOM – DAY

Natalie goes in alone and even though the audience is easy on her, she is about to die. At the last minute, Alicia grabs her and saves her. A gun comes out on a drone—

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host tells the audience that the voters at home now have a choice on who to kill.

MONTAGE

People vote on social media.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host reveals people voted to…stand down. For the first time ever, the audience decided to stand down.

INT. SEVENTH ROOM – DAY

The two leave the room unharmed.

CUTS TO DINNER BREAK

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – DAY

Host is livid, moral authorities are on his back. He talks to Bullet and says something has to be done to make it right.

INT. DINNER – EVENING

Players get meal as station takes a break. They talk some about their lives on the outside and bond.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – EVENING

They are interviewing Bullet at intermission. He thanks the audience for putting him through so much pain and making him a better person for the world.

INT. EIGHTH ROOM – NIGHT

They work as a team without Nick and are getting out fine. Then a gun kills one of the players after they already won.

MONTAGE

Audience members gasp in horror.

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

Moral authority asks why he didn’t kill Alicia instead of the one who died. He replies that if he had, she would be a martyr. And his way, he’ll break her spirit before ending her, making sure no one tries it again.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

Then he goes on stage and acts like the death was normal and without foul play. The audience isn’t buying it.

INT. NINTH ROOM – NIGHT

Nick’s room. He goes in alone and does horribly. He is about to die, when Alicia rushes in to help. She isn’t going to make it. Then an audience member who paid to play uses their weapon to help her and Nick, fighting against the game with them.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The host watches them leave the room, furious. Then he’s informed that they are going to bring the players onto the stage. He refuses, but they point out it’s done every year and it will look weak if they don’t do it now. This is the first year more than one person has made it this far.

INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

Players get ready to go on stage and meet Bullet. Find out he does live the high life…but is never allowed to be alone or go outside without permission, so no one finds out how screwed up this thing made him.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

They bring out the players to cheers…until little Natalie makes a speech that touches them all. It silences the place as the players walk off. A guard tries to manhandle her and the audience starts to throw things at the stage. They rush the players off.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Natalie tells Alicia she was her inspiration for speaking and gave he the confidence she needed.

INT. ENTRY TO ROOM 10 – NIGHT

Alicia’s room. They all agree, even Nick, to help her. And they still have minutes to go to stop the bomb, so should be no worries.

INT. TENTH ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia enters…and finds out her sin. She had a best friend as a kid, who helped her when she got picked on. When the got older, Alicia got pretty and the other girl didn’t and Alicia mocked her relentlessly to make friends. The girl ended up killing herself. Alicia buckles from the pain.

Then she looks at her challenge and sees that they purposefully made it too long to win. Alicia decides to sacrifice herself to save her father and her friends’ loved ones. But right before she is about to die—

BOOM

Bomb room blows up anyway.

INT. TENTH ROOM – NIGHT

Host comes out and explains that the player in room 8 wasn’t fully dead. And since he didn’t complete the maze, it isn’t finished. Since they won’t make it in time, he figured he would do it now and stop Alicia from hurting herself (and becoming a martyr). The players fight back, as troops come in to protect the host.

The military has them…until the players who paid to play start using their weapons against the military. A battle ensues. Alicia and Host face off, with Alicia beating the host, and then Bullet killing him.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

The players walk out of the hall, away from the game.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Outline Version 1

A. Concept: What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

B. Plot Choice: Ascension
C. Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):

Alicia is a hardened criminal who doesn’t care about anyone…until she meets young rebel named Jocelyn in the games.

Jocelyn is a young girl who put herself in the games to help the rebels beat the authority after they destroyed her mother.

Nick is a criminal in the games who works with Alicia…but is secretly there to make sure Jocelyn dies in a way that helps the rebel cause.

E. Dramatic Question: Will the rebels be able to topple the authority and change the system?

F. Main Conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?

G. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape with her own life or fulfill her promise to Jocelyn and help the rebels?
H. Theme: To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):

Part to be changed: Alicia is a hardened criminal who cares about no one and nothing.

Biggest fear: not being able to save her loved ones.

Completion of arc: puts others above herself as she fulfills a promise and helps the rebels at the expense of her own personal safety

J. Structure of your screenplay (9 beats, one sentence each):

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. It starts a riot in the streets.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there and rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die making a deal in the first challenge room. She walks in. They offer her a great life to join them and keep quiet. They want to make her a hero that everyone will love and their mascot-type. She shows them that the cameras are on, and the world is watching. Then she locks them in the first punishment room and social media starts voting on what they will go through.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero to the people.

ESSENCE OUTLINE

TITLE: THE PRISONER LOTTERY

GENRE: ACTION

EXT. STREETS – DAY

We see the streets, with most being poor, who are drinking sorrowfully for the prisoners. The rich live quite differently, in huge penthouses while they celebrate the games. As the opening theme plays–

INT. OPENING SET – DAY

The host is picking the “lottery” winner convicts who will be in the games this time around. The third person they pick walks up to the front nervously, then detonates a bomb for the rebellion, killing most people.

INT. NEW OPENING SET – DAY

At their new set, they act like the old event didn’t take place, except for the fact that the prisoners who were picked were the only ones who survived the event and they look beat to hell. Group includes hardened criminal Alicia, rough looking Nick, ex-cop Stan, gangbanger Cigarette, sarcastic and bitter Becky, Nick’s buddy Tweaker, young and innocent Jocelyn and an asshole named Scum.

INTROS

They give intros for each character. Find out Stan killed Cig’s brother on the streets before going away for it. They also show Alicia to be a girl who killed her high-ranking government official father when she was 14 after her sister died, causing her mom to go crazy.

HALLWAY TO FIRST ROOM

They make a deal in the hall to not fight each other or do this. Then they walk in the first room.

MONTAGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA USERS

Social media users vote on their punishments, loving it. Some gamble on it.

INT. FIRST ROOM – DAY

In the first room, they tell them they won’t fight. Then they are shown their closest relatives in a room with a bomb…and find out if at least one of them doesn’t make it out of the games in 90 minutes, the bomb will explode. Alicia is the only one without someone, as she has no family. Then the game starts. They can’t work together and end up getting hurt, with Scum dying horribly.

INT. SECOND ROOM – DAY

They decide to work together to survive and to make social media voters be easy on them. Alicia reluctantly saves Jocelyn’s life.

EXT. STREETS – DAY

Citizens discuss how screwed up the games are, then look up and see how the rich have decorated their buildings to celebrate this parade of death.

INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY

As they are on their way, an explosion rocks the building. They are thrown all over the place and the cameras go off, as people come in and grab them in the darkness.

INT. HIDDEN ROOM – DAY

The people grabbing them end up being rebel leaders, who tell them that this is all part of the plan to end the authority. Jocelyn is their girl on the inside who will break transmission to give them the airwaves they need to reach the masses.

OLD BROADCAST

During this time, the authority plays a video of an old winner, who thanks the authority and social media voters for making him go through hell, saying it helped him learn and grow. He seems happy.

INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY

The prisoners get ready again and discuss what happened. Alicia starts to see her sister in the idealistic Jocelyn, while Nick reminds her about the violence the rebels have caused. Stan wants to go to the authority and hope it gets them released, but is outvoted.

INT. THIRD ROOM – DAY

They work together to get through the room. Cigarette almost kills Stan over his brother, but the others pull their guns, knowing they’ll need Stan to survive.

INT. FOURTH ROOM – DAY

This room is worse than before. Jocelyn is about to die and when Alicia tries to save her, Nick pulls her back, saving her life. It looks like Jocelyn’s done for before Becky comes out, happier than ever, and fights to the death to save Jocelyn.

INT. LUNCH ROOM – DAY

They are given a fantastic lunch. Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Alicia seeing more and more of her sister in Jocelyn, mostly because they are both idealistic. Alicia doesn’t have ideals anymore.

INT. FIFTH ROOM – DAY

They are only one room before the transmission room, when Jocelyn is killed horribly. Alicia barely survives trying to save her, and Cig saves Stan but Stan doesn’t understand why. The audience and group are all shocked over the death of young Jocelyn. Alicia promises Jocelyn she will complete her mission and save her mother.

EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING

A group of people are watching the show in the window of a shop. We see they are all in near-apocalypse environment, with rich towers blockaded behind them. A pissed off man throws his bottle at the store window and things start going off, turning into a riot.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

They are all at a loss and Stan tries to apologize to Cig about his brother, talking about the situation that led to it. Cig won’t forgive him.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia and Nick make a deal to just escape together and use his contacts to disappear. But right before they win, Alicia goes to finish Jocelyn’s mission and break transmission, while Tweaker helps from the other room.

INT. OTHER ROOM – NIGHT

Nick kills Tweaker and we find out Nick’s with the rebels.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT

The room starts collapsing as Alicia tries to finish. Stan sacrifices himself for Cig as a way to say he’s sorry. Alicia is about to be ended, when all power goes out suddenly.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

The convicts don’t know what’s happened. Alicia asks about Tweaker, but before Nick can answer, they hear noise from outside.

EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

A full-blown riot is taking place, with people taking down the rich barricades.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is readying them to get out, but Alicia is torn between escape and her promise to Jocelyn. While they are there, the old hero of the show comes out of hiding, scared. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets what he did in the games and he kills himself in front of them.

BOOM!!!!

Before they can do anything, the wall to their right explodes, killing Cig. A ship is there for Nick. He explains he’s with the rebels and they had Jocelyn die on purpose knowing it would cause a violent uprising. He wants her to go, but she’s unsure of him now. He tries to grab her, so she kills him.

INT. OTHER PART OF HALLWAY – NIGHT

Alicia goes to save Jocelyn’s mother. And she’s running out of time.

INT. BOMB ROOM / OUTSIDE HALLWAY – NIGHT

Alicia is about to get into the room, with a couple of minutes to go, when it explodes early, killing everyone inside. Alicia is badly hurt and almost passes out before a group of hands grab her.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends wake Alicia up and tell her the authority blew the room early. They know where the authority is because they are meeting their rebel leaders. Alicia makes them give her the location…which is the first room of the games.

INT. FIRST ROOM – NIGHT

Rebels meet authority…and start to make a deal giving themselves power and screwing over everyone else. Alicia walks in during negotiations and they offer her a deal to be part of them. But their happiness fades, when they find out she has brought the transmission up…and their whole deal was broadcast to the world. She then locks both the authority and rebels in the room and social media voters decide on their punishment, making them go through the same hell they made others go through.

EXT. GAMES – MORNING

Alicia walks out of the games to a cheering mob and finds she’s a hero now.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass 10: Essence Only

What I learned is how to create an essence outline before writing. This makes it easier to look at the scenes together to see what works and what doesn’t work.

LOGLINE: What if the judicial
system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to
go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on
their punishment?

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will the rebels be able to topple the corrupt system and free the other innocent prisoners?

MAIN CONFLICT: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?

DILEMMA: Will Alicia escape with her own life or help the
rebels topple the system?

THEME: To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

TITLE: THE PRISONER LOTTERY

GENRE: ACTION

INT. OPENING SET – DAY

The host is picking the “lottery” winner convicts who will be in the games this time around. The third person they pick walks up to the front nervously, then detonates a bomb for the rebellion, killing most people.

INT. NEW OPENING SET – DAY

At their new set, they act like the old event didn’t take place, except for the fact that the prisoners who were picked were the only ones who survived the event and they look beat to hell. Group includes hardened criminal Alicia, rough looking Nick, ex-cop Stan, gangbanger Cigarette, sarcastic and bitter Becky, Nick’s buddy Tweaker, young and innocent Jocelyn and an asshole named Scum.

INTROS

They give intros for each character. Find out Stan killed Cig’s brother on the streets before going away for it. They also show Alicia to be a girl who killed her high-ranking government official father when she was 14 after her sister died, causing her mom to go crazy.

HALLWAY TO FIRST ROOM

They make a deal in the hall to not fight each other or do this. Then they walk in the first room.

INT. FIRST ROOM – DAY

In the first room, they tell them they won’t fight. Then they are shown their closest relatives in a room with a bomb…and find out if at least one of them doesn’t make it out of the games in 90 minutes, the bomb will explode. Alicia is the only one without someone, as she has no family. Then the game starts. They can’t work together and end up getting hurt, with Scum dying horribly.

INT. SECOND ROOM – DAY

They decide to work together to survive and to make social media voters be easy on them. Alicia reluctantly saves Jocelyn’s life.

INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY

As they are on their way, an explosion rocks the building. They are thrown all over the place and the cameras go off, as people come in and grab them in the darkness.

INT. HIDDEN ROOM – DAY

The people grabbing them end up being rebel leaders, who tell them that this is all part of the plan to end the authority. Jocelyn is their girl on the inside who will break transmission to give them the airwaves they need to reach the masses.

OLD BROADCAST

During this time, the authority plays a video of an old winner, who thanks the authority and social media voters for making him go through hell, saying it helped him learn and grow. He seems happy.

INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY

The prisoners get ready again and discuss what happened. Alicia starts to see her sister in the idealistic Jocelyn, while Nick reminds her about the violence the rebels have caused. Stan wants to go to the authority and hope it gets them released, but is outvoted.

INT. THIRD ROOM – DAY

They work together to get through the room. Cigarette almost kills Stan over his brother, but the others pull their guns, knowing they’ll need Stan to survive.

INT. FOURTH ROOM – DAY

This room is worse than before. Jocelyn is about to die and when Alicia tries to save her, Nick pulls her back, saving her life. It looks like Jocelyn’s done for before Becky comes out, happier than ever, and fights to the death to save Jocelyn.

INT. LUNCH ROOM – DAY

They are given a fantastic lunch. Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Alicia seeing more and more of her sister in Jocelyn, mostly because they are both idealistic. Alicia doesn’t have ideals anymore.

INT. FIFTH ROOM – DAY

They are only one room before the transmission room, when Jocelyn is killed horribly. Alicia barely survives trying to save her, and Cig saves Stan but Stan doesn’t understand why. The audience and group are all shocked over the death of young Jocelyn. Alicia promises Jocelyn she will complete her mission and save her mother.

EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING

A group of people are watching the show in the window of a shop. We see they are all in near-apocalypse environment, with rich towers blockaded behind them. A pissed off man throws his bottle at the store window and things start going off, turning into a riot.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

They are all at a loss and Stan tries to apologize to Cig about his brother, talking about the situation that led to it. Cig won’t forgive him.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia and Nick make a deal to just escape together and use his contacts to disappear. But right before they win, Alicia goes to finish Jocelyn’s mission and break transmission, while Tweaker helps from the other room.

INT. OTHER ROOM – NIGHT

Nick kills Tweaker and we find out Nick’s with the rebels.

INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT

The room starts collapsing as Alicia tries to finish. Stan sacrifices himself for Cig as a way to say he’s sorry. Alicia is about to be ended, when all power goes out suddenly.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

The convicts don’t know what’s happened. Alicia asks about Tweaker, but before Nick can answer, they hear noise from outside.

EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

A full-blown riot is taking place, with people taking down the rich barricades.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is readying them to get out, but Alicia is torn between escape and her promise to Jocelyn. While they are there, the old hero of the show comes out of hiding, scared. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets what he did in the games and he kills himself in front of them.

BOOM!!!!

Before they can do anything, the wall to their right explodes, killing Cig. A ship is there for Nick. He explains he’s with the rebels and they had Jocelyn die on purpose knowing it would cause a violent uprising. He wants her to go, but she’s unsure of him now. He tries to grab her, so she kills him.

INT. OTHER PART OF HALLWAY – NIGHT

Alicia goes to save Jocelyn’s mother. And she’s running out of time.

INT. BOMB ROOM / OUTSIDE HALLWAY – NIGHT

Alicia is about to get into the room, with a couple of minutes to go, when it explodes early, killing everyone inside. Alicia is badly hurt and almost passes out before a group of hands grab her.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends wake Alicia up and tell her the authority blew the room early. They know where the authority is because they are meeting their rebel leaders. Alicia makes them give her the location…which is the first room of the games.

INT. FIRST ROOM – NIGHT

Rebels meet authority…and start to make a deal giving themselves power and screwing over everyone else. Alicia walks in during negotiations and they offer her a deal to be part of them. But their happiness fades, when they find out she has brought the transmission up…and their whole deal was broadcast to the world. She then locks both the authority and rebels in the room and social media voters decide on their punishment, making them go through the same hell they made others go through.

EXT. GAMES – MORNING

Alicia walks out of the games to a cheering mob and finds she’s a hero now.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Outline

What I learned doing this assignment was how to integrate deeper characters and setups into an outline. This will make both areas stronger as well as strengthen the entire script.

Act 1:

EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY

Opening
– Nikki, a haggard, tough looking girl who hasn’t slept in days, fights
some guys off of a beaten girl. She takes her to the hospital, finding a
flyer in her hand. She takes the flyer, which is an invitation to be a test
subject for an hour to get paid $1000. When asked by a nurse who she is,
she says “nobody.”

INT. VAN – DAY

Darnell the Butcher kills old leader of gang, saying he’s making it too weak and it won’t work for their future plans. After killing him, he tells his people to set the body outside Murphy’s Pub, where the “right people” will see it.

EXT. CONDEMNED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Gangster type goes to an old building with a “condemned” sign in an abandoned neighborhood. He takes it off and puts on a testing facility sign.

EXT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – DAY

Inciting
Incident – Nikki goes to be a test subject, needing the money, to take the
girl’s place. She notices it’s in a condemned neighborhood, but then
follows another addict in. A piece of building falls off as they enter. She
sees a demolition setup outside as she walks in.

INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – DAY

Nikki
and the addict, along with a third man, find food and drink and chow down,
before passing out.
NIGHTMARE

Nikki has a nightmare of silhouettes in war with screaming and crying and apologies mixed with bullets and blood and violence. She wakes up in a sweat.

INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT

When
they awake, a TV set comes on to explain situation. Darnell is on screen,
with a few members of his gang, in the basement. One of the 3 “test
subjects” swallowed the only key out of the building. And now, they are all
stuck there until the 3 guys he’s initiating into his gang kill the three “test
subjects” and rip the key out of their stomach. Nikki sees an explosive in
corner (not looking like explosive) and is about to try and leave right before
TV comes on (setup).

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Darnell tells the initiates that they are all trapped there until they get the key. If they don’t find it quickly enough, not only will they be out of the gang, but Darnell will kill them too. Then he kicks back in a seat and eats popcorn, watching it all play out over the monitors.

Turning
Point – 3 Testing subjects find out they are trapped in the building and
are there to be hunted as part of a gang initiation while the gang leaders
watch from the basement. Darnell brings initiates there and explains the
rules to join their gang.

Act 2:

New
plan Escape from the building before getting killed.

Plan in action During this scene, Nikki’s actions show her more and more to be a SEAL until it’s officially shown at midpoint.

INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT

Nikki
tries to go downstairs…and gets shot at. Has a panic attack when one
initiate hits her…and accidentally kicks him down building. During panic
attack, sees brief glimpses / flashbacks of war and screaming.

EXT. FIRE ESCAPE LEDGE – NIGHT

Nikki
calls for police…but Darnell calls them off and we find out he is a cop.
Junkie hides. Nikki tries to climb down fire escape…and it breaks on her.

INT. CONDEMENED BUILDING – NIGHT

Other
guy tries to reason with them with sympathy… and they kill him. Nikki’s
war memories come back.

EXT. ROOFTOP OF CONDEMNED BUILDINGS – NIGHT

Midpoint
Turning Point Nikki jumps over to the next building…but then sees they are
going to kill the addict. She hears what her husband told her and looks
around at her life. Flashback to war, when she killed her husband
accidentally during battle and was dishonorably discharged for it. Then
she decides to save them and jumps back over.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything Now is working to find ways to fight back and save the addict
too.

INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT

New
plan Nikki saves addict…right before floor gives out. They end up falling
next to an initiate, who Nikki fights and kills. Taunts bad guys, Bad guys
are nervous now that they see her fight on screen. Nikki takes out cameras.
Find out Butcher has bigger plan to use the earlier murder to start a gang
war, then use his status as a cop to take them all out, giving him control
of the city’s drug trade.

BASEMENT

Butcher
sends his brother to get her, while calling off cops again. He’s getting
pissed and nervous now.

HIDDEN ROOM

Nikki
and addict find more demolition bombs set up and brother tells them they
picked this building because it’s set to be demolished in the morning. Time
is running out and people are calling Darnell to get things done. Nikki
and addict kidnap brother and Nikki makes a smaller bomb out of one of the
demolition bombs.
Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift Bomb accidentally goes off early,
killing 1 initiates and Darnell’s brother and hurting Nikki. Nikki hurt
near death but still kills another. Find out addict was medic who gets her
better.

Act 4:

Final
plan Antagonist sends main hitman after her and finds brother body and we
find out his brother was messed up after killing their abusive father for
him. His plan is getting closer, but he ignores it and focuses on revenge
instead. He now has to choose between finishing his plan or avenging his
brother and possibly dying from demolition. He chases them and chooses
revenge.

INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING -NIGHT

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict – Nikki barely survives fight with hitman and
she and the addict plan to jump before demolition, when Darnell enters,
who wants to hurt her for killing his brother, Addict sacrifices himself
for Nikki, after having a dilemma between running or helping her.
Antagonist hurts Nikki, thinking she’s dead and cuts key out of addict’s
stomach. Nikki kills antagonist in brutal way.

EXT. CONDEMNED NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Resolution
Nikki leaves, and sees girl she saved waiting for experiment. Nikki starts
to collapse…just as the building explodes. The girl hurries to help her up
and helps her walk on. The girl asks her name and she says “Nikki. I’m
Nikki.”

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate

What I learned doing this assignment was how to elevate and improve scenes during the outline stage. This did help me make some scenes, including the ending, much stronger and more original.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and starts naming selections. The third selection walks up nervously, then pulls out a grenade that explodes for the rebels. The show cuts out, then cuts back with the only survivors now the contestants. The group also includes Nick, Jocelyn, a high tech cellmate of Nick’s named Tweaker, an ex-corrupt cop named Stan, the gangster whose brother Stan killed named Cigarette and a bitter girl Becky. Alicia mentions how the rebels are a nuisance.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. Becky agrees. Nick ends up helping reluctantly, when it gets too much. Becky doesn’t. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

While this is happening, the broadcast focuses on an old winner of the games, who killed four fellow prisoners to win. He talks about his new, fantastic life and how much the SM voters helped him become a better man. He even thanks them for the torturous challenges.

Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Stan wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.

Stan and Cigarette start getting into a brawl, with Cigarette pulling a gun on Stan. Everyone else pulls on him, knowing they’ll need each other to survive.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts. Becky ends up dying to save Tweaker and the rest, dying happier than she ever lived and doing things good for once.

Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly. Nick secretly kills Tweaker, who was helping her. (He’s doing it so everyone sees him and Alicia die, to help rebel cause). The room comes down, with Stan sacrificing himself for Cigarette.

Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway. Cigarette dies in the carnage.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode. They are confronted by the old hero of the show. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets everything he did. He kills himself in front of them. Without the break in transmission, the only way for Alicia to finish it for Jocelyn is to go the other way. Then Nick tells her that he is part of rebels and that the real plan was to let Jocelyn and then her (because the audience loved her) die on screen to help rebel cause.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia is about to get hostages out, when the room explodes early.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority. Jocelyn’s friends pull a hurt Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority. They are unhappy, having not been in on the plan with Jocelyn. Alicia goes after the authority for killing everyone in the room, who blew the room when the rebels invaded.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games…and then they start making a deal to share power.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there and rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die making a deal in the first challenge room. She walks in. They offer her a great life to join them and keep quiet. They want to make her a hero that everyone will love and their mascot-type. She shows them that the cameras are on, and the world is watching. Then she locks them in the first punishment room and social media starts voting on what they will go through.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to avoid cliches in the outline stage. This will help my scripts be more original and engaging to audiences.

NOTE: The idea that I chose is in bold for each scene.

CHOSEN SCENE: Show intro showing criminal “players”

PURPOSE: introduce characters and show how games are presented

BRAINSTORM:

Have rebel broadcast be first thing

Make first part a gamblers stake of who they are betting on

Show BTS part of show

Show prisoners being chosen and taken

Show lead character’s “crime” and then other crimes as flashbacks

Have narrator give world overview

Use opening crawl

Have it start at ending

Show audience talking about past games

Have trading cards of criminals being traded

Watch people vote for players on social media

Have players selected at beginning

Have rebel transmission start it, then have one of those players killed during opening

Have opening of games then explosion before starting new games

Have it be like Olympics, with criminals trying for a part

Have them be chosen, but the third chosen gives it up to the rebellion with a grenade. Alicia and survivors are automatic players now because they survived.

CHOSEN SCENE: Escape / punishment rooms

PURPOSE: to give life threatening challenges to players

Have people vote on challenges

Have challenges roll over to next one, increasing each time

Have challenges related to every player’s past

Have all group challenges instead of individual

Have challenges be horror like

Have challenges represent political ideals (example: animal activism causes bear traps to be put in room to show how brutal they are) as activists pay for it as “marketing”

Have corporations sponsor rooms that are based on their product, paying for it as “marketing”

Have challenges based on nationality or country

Have players come from different countries with only those countries voting on their punishment and their rooms representing that country

Have challenges involve other people outside

Have challenges have deeper stakes, like death of loved one

Have bonuses given for certain rooms, when a special ops assignment is completed

Have people pay to be a killer of criminals

Have people from society forced to go against them to show patriotism

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Budget

What I learned doing this assignment was how to deal with budget concerns. I learned how to both decrease and increase the budget if needs be.

LOWERING COST

MAIN VARIABLES

• Number of Locations

• Expensive locations

• Number of characters

• Special effects – take out or reduce some action scenes

• Number of pages

• Crowd scenes

• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – Reduce or change some stunts and fight scenes

• Special sets

SECONDARY VARIABLES

• Rights to music, brands, books, etc.

• Explosions and Firearm – Take out explosion and reduce guns

• Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set

• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society

• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados.

• Water and underwater scenes

• Night scenes

• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots

• Green screen work

• Extensive Make-up

• Archival Footage

• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance. – Less dangerous stunts

RAISING COST

MAIN VARIABLES

• Number of Locations

• Expensive locations – make it a new instead of condemned building

• Number of characters – add in more bad guys

• Special effects – add in more extreme effects

• Number of pages

• Crowd scenes

• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – up the stunts to another level

• Special sets

SECONDARY VARIABLES

• Rights to music, brands, books, etc.

• Explosions and Firearm – add more explosions

• Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set

• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society

• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados. – add heavy rain to atmosphere

• Water and underwater scenes

• Night scenes

• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots

• Green screen work

• Extensive Make-up

• Archival Footage

• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Writes Great Hope/Fear!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create an emotional journey for the audience. And I learned how to do it during the outline phase.

Act 1:

• Opening – Nikki fights some guys off of a beaten girl. She takes her to the hospital, finding a flyer for test subjects that pays good money. Antagonist kills old leader of gang, saying he’s making it too weak and it won’t work for their future plans.

• Inciting Incident – Nikki goes to be a test subject, needing the money, to take the girl’s place.

• Turning Point – 3 Testing subjects find out they are trapped in the building and are there to be hunted as part of a gang initiation while the gang leaders watch from the basement. Antagonist brings initiates there and explains the rules to join their gang.

HOPE: Get money from easy experiment.

DEATH: Butcher kills old gang leader brutally

HOPE: Gets there with others who have same flier.

UNPREDICTABILITY: Place is a condemned building in an abandoned neighborhood set to be demolished.

HOPE: There’s food and drink for them.

INCREASING TENSION: They all pass out after eating/drinking.

HOPE: When they wake up, one of them talks about how this is probably the experiment.

ENVIRONMENT: Gang locks door to condemned building…with them inside.

HOPE: TV set comes on to explain experiment…

DANGER: …and they find out they will be hunted to the death.

Act 2:

• New plan Escape from the building before getting killed.

• Plan in action Nikki calls for police…but the antagonist is a cop. Junkie hides. Tries to climb down fire escape…and it breaks on her. Tries to go downstairs…and gets shot at. Other guy tries to reason with them with sympathy… and they kill him.

• Midpoint Turning Point Nikki jumps over to the next building…but then sees they are going to kill the addict. She hears what her husband told her and looks around at her life. Then she decides to save them and jumps back over.

HOPE: Nikki runs downstairs to leave…

DANGER: …and is shot at by an automatic weapon.

HOPE: Nikki fights thug…

INCOMPATABILITY: …and has a panic attack, accidentally kicking him out of the building to the ground.

HOPE: Nikki goes to an open window and yells for police. She finally throws a bottle and hits their car.

UNPREDICTABILITY: Cops come…and the Butcher talks them away because he is a cop!

HOPE: Nikki tries fire escape…

ENVIRONMENT: …and it ends up falling, causing her to almost fall to her death.

HOPE: Nikki sees other addict get cornered and beg for his life. It looks like thug won’t do it…

DANGER: …then the thug kills him.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything Now is working to find ways to fight back and save the addict too.

• New plan Starts making explosives, kills one for a gun, kills another and taunts bad guys, takes out their cameras. Bad guys are nervous but can’t leave. Butcher sends his main hitman to get her, while calling off cops.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift Gang gets to them and they battle. Nikki hurt near death before she kills another. Find out addict was medic who gets her better.

HOPE: Nikki comes in and saves the addict before they find him.

ENVIRONMENT: …floor gives out underneath them, and they land right next to an initiate.

HOPE: Nikki fights and kills addict, first win since her situation.

UNPREDICTABILITY: Gang sees her fight on monitors and knows she isn’t the one they gave the flyer too…and that she’s dangerous.

HOPE: Nikki taunts them on monitors after realizing they can see her.

INCREASING TENSION: Gang brings out bigger guns, Butcher sends brother to get her.

HOPE: Nikki and addict kidnap brother…

INCREASING TENSION: Find out key (only way out in time) is in addict’s stomach after he at meal in beginning.

HOPE: Nikki makes explosive to get them…

DANGER: bomb explodes on accident, killing 2 initiates but hurting Nikki.

Act 4:

• Final plan They kidnap antagonist’s brother to find out how to get out, and to get leverage, and find out key is in addict’s stomach. They are going to trade him for their lives, when he tries to run and Nikki kills him. And they did it while the antagonist was watching. He chases them.

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Nikki fights antagonist, who wants to hurt her for killing his brother, Addict sacrifices himself for Nikki, who kills antagonist in brutal way.

• Resolution Nikki leaves, and sees girl she saved waiting for experiment. Nikki starts to collapse, until the girl helps her up and helps her walk on.

HOPE: Nikki plans to trade brother for their lives…

UNPREDICTABILITY: Addict brother tries to take them on so she kills him…and the Butcher was watching.

HOPE: Nikki takes out their camera system…

DANGER: Butcher sends main hitman after her

HOPE: They now wait for key…

INCREASING TENSION: …except condemned building is set to be demolished in 20 minutes.

HOPE: Nikki kills hitman, about to escape…

DANGER: …except the Butcher is there and shoots her in the shoulder.

HOPE: Addict jumps in front of bullet, saving Nikki…

DANGER: …now Nikki has to fight the Butcher for her life and get out before building is destroyed.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create a strong structure for a contained film. I learned how to place turning points and acts to make them strong dramatically.

Concept: A vicious street gang traps a homeless, female Army vet in an abandoned building so new recruits can hunt her for initiation…but they soon find themselves more trapped than she is when she starts hunting them right back.

Main Conflict: Nikki and hunted vs. street gang led by the Butcher

Act 1:

Opening
– Nikki fights some guys off of a beaten girl. She takes her to the hospital,
finding a flyer for test subjects that pays good money. Antagonist kills
old leader of gang, saying he’s making it too weak and it won’t work for
their future plans.

Inciting
Incident – Nikki goes to be a test subject, needing the money, to take the
girl’s place.

Turning
Point – 3 Testing subjects find out they are trapped in the building and
are there to be hunted as part of a gang initiation while the gang leaders
watch from the basement. Antagonist brings initiates there and explains
the rules to join their gang.

Act 2:

New
plan Escape from the building before getting killed.

Plan
in action Nikki calls for police…but the antagonist is a cop. Junkie hides.
Tries to climb down fire escape…and it breaks on her. Tries to go
downstairs…and gets shot at. Other guy tries to reason with them with sympathy…
and they kill him.

Midpoint
Turning Point Nikki jumps over to the next building…but then sees they are
going to kill the addict. She hears what her husband told her and looks
around at her life. Then she decides to save them and jumps back over.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything Now is working to find ways to fight back and save the addict
too.

New
plan Starts making explosives, kills one for a gun, kills another and
taunts bad guys, takes out their cameras. Bad guys are nervous but can’t
leave. Butcher sends his main hitman to get her, while calling off cops.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift Gang gets to them and they battle. Nikki
hurt near death before she kills another. Find out addict was medic who
gets her better.

Act 4:

Final
plan They kidnap antagonist’s brother to find out how to get out, and to
get leverage, and find out key is in addict’s stomach. They are going to
trade him for their lives, when he tries to run and Nikki kills him. And
they did it while the antagonist was watching. He chases them.

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict – Nikki fights antagonist, who wants to hurt
her for killing his brother, Addict sacrifices himself for Nikki, who
kills antagonist in brutal way.

Resolution
Nikki leaves, and sees girl she saved waiting for experiment. Nikki starts
to collapse, until the girl helps her up and helps her walk on.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this assignment was how to look at setup/payoff process in a non-linear way. This helps a writer add more depth and emotion to the script and make it as strong as possible.

I worked mostly on 2 setups. The first made Alicia’s transition to a rebel for emotional and the second made Nick a better antagonist.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show. The group also includes Nick, Jocelyn, a high tech cellmate of Nick’s named Tweaker and a bitter girl Becky. Alicia mentions how the rebels are a nuisance.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. Becky agrees. Nick ends up helping reluctantly, when it gets too much. Becky doesn’t. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

While this is happening, the broadcast focuses on an old winner of the games, who killed four fellow prisoners to win. He talks about his new, fantastic life and how much the SM voters helped him become a better man. He even thanks them for the torturous challenges.

Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

They find out one of them is an authority spy. Nick is about to tell him everything before Alicia abruptly kills him. Nick is pissed, as they could be really screwed now.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.

Jocelyn is alone, until another criminal tries to take advantage of her. Alicia pulls her weapon on him, with even Nick backing her up on this one.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts. Becky ends up dying to save Tweaker and the rest, dying happier than she ever lived and doing things good for once.

Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly. Nick secretly kills Tweaker, who was helping her. (He’s doing it so everyone sees him and Alicia die, to help rebel cause)

Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode. They are confronted by the old hero of the show. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets everything he did. He kills himself in front of them. Without the break in transmission, the only way for Alicia to finish it for Jocelyn is to go the other way. Then Nick tells her that he is part of rebels and that the real plan was to let Jocelyn and then her (because the audience loved her) die on screen to help rebel cause.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add subplots that have real meaning to the story. Adding them early gives them a better chance of being stronger and working well.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show. The group also includes Nick, Jocelyn, a high tech cellmate of Nick’s named Tweaker and a bitter girl Becky.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. Becky agrees. Nick ends up helping reluctantly, when it gets too much. Becky doesn’t. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

While this is happening, the broadcast focuses on an old winner of the games, who killed four fellow prisoners to win. He talks about his new, fantastic life and how much the SM voters helped him become a better man. He even thanks them for the torturous challenges.

Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

They find out one of them is an authority spy. Nick is about to tell him everything before Alicia abruptly kills him. Nick is pissed, as they could be really screwed now.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.

Jocelyn is alone, until another criminal tries to take advantage of her. Alicia pulls her weapon on him, with even Nick backing her up on this one.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts. Becky ends up dying to save Tweaker and the rest, dying happier than she ever lived and doing things good for once.

Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly. Nick secretly kills Tweaker, who was helping her. (He’s doing it so everyone sees him and Alicia die, to help rebel cause)

Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode. They are confronted by the old hero of the show. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets everything he did. He kills himself in front of them.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add in emotional beats and actions/reactions to an outline. This should make the script stronger and more linear when writing the first draft.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

They find out one of them is an authority spy. Nick is about to tell him everything before Alicia abruptly kills him. Nick is pissed, as they could be really screwed now.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.

Jocelyn is alone, until another criminal tries to take advantage of her. Alicia pulls her weapon on him, with even Nick backing her up on this one.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts.

Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly.

Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s NQ 3 and 4

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add theme and emotional dilemma to an outline. This will make my script stronger and more engaging to audiences.

It’s a few days late because I had to change some things after making story logic changes. I think it does make it stronger overall.

1. Tell us your concept.

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:

Will Alicia escape with her own life or fulfill her promise to Jocelyn and help the rebels topple the system?

A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? With Alicia seeing her deceased little sister in Jocelyn and saving her life during a punishment game.

B. How are both sides of the issue built up? She gets closer to Jocelyn and starts believing more in the rebels cause on one side. The other is when she is in brutal games where she must fight for her life, where she shows her lack of trust in people and how she’s been mistreated and working alone her whole life. We also show another convicts plan to escape with riches to a foreign country…and he offers her a seat to go with him.

C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
Around the third turning point.
D. What do they lose in making that choice? Her guaranteed safety and the freedom she never had as she puts her life at risk to help the rebels.

3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:

To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

A. What are both sides
of your theme? Her losing her old, hardened self on one side as she learns to
care again. Her becoming the hero she always was inside. At the same time, the
games get more brutal and she has to be her hardened self to survive them and
help Jocelyn survive them.

B. How will both sides
show up throughout your story? Her making hardened decisions, such as killing
someone and dealing with criminals on one side. Her bonding with Jocelyn and
taking care of her on the other.

C. How does the climax
of the story demand your message? She is forced to do something she never
would have done before as she ascends to hero status by sacrificing her safety
for others.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia catches Nick ready to kill Jocelyn. She starts protecting her. We find out Jocelyn reminds Alicia of her little sister.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

After rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels didn’t win, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Delivering Multiple Layers!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create strong layers before doing an outline. I also learned how important these are in a contained movie.

• Surface Layer: addict also being hunted

• Beneath That: used to be medical worker before getting addicted to pain pills on the job

• How Revealed: starts healing Nikki’s leg when she can’t

• Surface Layer: run down buildings used by homeless to sleep

• Beneath That: gang took it over and plans to use it for hunt

• How Revealed: after the homeless have come in, gang locks all doors

• Surface Layer: Nikki is homeless girl down on her luck

• Beneath That: she’s really a dishonorably discharged ex-SEAL

• How Revealed: they go to kill her and she starts killing them right back

• Surface Layer: antagonist is gang leader looking to make gang stronger

• Beneath That: he’s also a decorated cop using police to own the town

• How Revealed: cops come in to place after Nikki contacts them…and he gets them to leave by being one of them

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create character journeys before writing a script. I learned how important these are in a contained film and why they need to be strong in such a film.

NIKKI – Protagonist

Beginning: she helps a girl she finds in the alley who was beaten and raped, picks her up and takes her to the hospital

Turning Point: sees them kill first homeless person, brings back feelings of war and she starts to run

Midpoint: teams up with addict and makes bomb, starts hunting them back

Turning Point 2: gets away to next building, then sees other hunted person in building still, hears her fiancé’s voice and jumps back over to save him, ruining her chance to escape in the process.

Dilemma: should she escape with her own life or go back and save the addict, listening to voice of dead fiancé

3rd Act Climax: after killing his brother, she fights with the last ruthless gangster, finally killing him

Ending: She kills the gangster, gets out of the building and waves at the girl she saved at the beginning, giving a smile and walking off happy.

DARNELL THE BUTCHER – Antagonist

Beginning: kills old boss in middle of street for letting gang get too weak after street corners were taken

Turning Point: After setting up initiates, he sits in basement with popcorn to watch the action.

Midpoint: bomb goes off and cameras are cut, he sends out his strong man to take care of it

Turning Point 2: finds addict and is about to cut key out of his stomach, when Nikki comes back and fights him off, killing brother

Dilemma: let Nikki leave and live safely or fight her to death to avenge brother

3rd Act Climax: pissed about brothers death, he goes back to killer ways with Nikki

Ending: killed by Nikki after fighting her ruthlessly for killing his addict brother

DEVON – DRAMATIC TRIANGLE LINK

Beginning: addict on street who agrees to a job for a fix

Turning Point: He meets Nikki and other hunted man.

Midpoint: he agrees to help Nikki fight back

Turning Point 2: about to die, finds out key out is in his stomach, Nikki tries to save him and he barely escapes, but is badly hurt

Dilemma: die in peace or make sure Nikki gets out as he goes

3rd Act Climax: comes out of nowhere and jumps in front of Nikki before she is stabbed with thrown knife

Ending: dies saving Nikki and telling her to live again, has his stomach cut open by Darnell to get key when Darnell thinks he’s won

[Matthew Frendo]

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add in the big questions during an outline. I learned how to do it early so that the rest of it revolves around them.

CONCEPT

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

DRAMATIC QUESTION

A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? During the opening broadcast, it goes down temporarily from rebel involvement, before coming back.

B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? First rebels disrupt transmission, then they cause an outage with an attack, then find out Jocelyn is here as a rebel to bring system down, then the rebels cause Jocelyn to die on TV so the audience sympathizes with their cause, then Alicia joins their side as more disruption brings the punishment games to an early end, then she fights them as well as the system for what they did to Jocelyn.

C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? At the end, when Alicia helps the rebels take down the system…and then throws the rebel leaders into the same punishment games as the old leaders, knowing they are no different after what they did to Jocelyn.

MAIN CONFLICT

A. When does the Main Conflict first show up? In the opening intro, when the games are announced and they start contestant bios.

B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story? Ten rooms of punishment, each worse than the last, that prisoners must face either alone or together.

C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? The games are disrupted by the rebels with 3 levels left, causing the whole system to go haywire and the revolution to begin.

D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? Alicia is the only one who survives the games and revolution in the end.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen with a message of rebellion for a few seconds before they come back to the live show.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail to gain sympathy for their cause.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway. The contestants hurry to get loved ones before explosion. However, Alicia’s relative is already dead from what happened earlier.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s father like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges, along with the rebel leaders who forced Jocelyn to die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to add depth to characters. I also learned how to do this, and make sure it is strong, before starting the writing process.

PROTAGONIST PROFILE

Motivation: WANT – to be forgotten by the world, NEED – to have purpose again

Secret: killed own platoon mate / fiance on accident and was dishonorably discharged and hated by platoon and herself afterward

Layers: good with explosives and stealth, can’t help but save people when they need it

Hidden Agenda: to use explosives and stealth to hunt them back

Conspiracy: deal with initiate who turns against gang after being unable to kill someone

Dilemma: Save herself or let herself die?

Secret Identity: really ex-SEAL, highly trained killer masked as helpless homeless person

ANTAGONIST PROFILE

Secret: secret deal with corrupt police

Wound: parents killed by army or cops when he was young. Lived as a youth friendless and powerless in the streets

Layers: has brother who he’s trying to keep out of gang, but who gets involved anyway

Hidden Agenda: plan with cops to take over city, to frame the murders as a problem and then cracking down on competition due to it

Conspiracy: working with corrupt cops to take over city, became cop to further his criminal career

Intrigue: working against his own gang with cops for his own power

Secret Identity: criminal acting as cop, gang leader but is really betrayer

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Right Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create strong characters that enhance the concept.

She’s an ex-SEAL who fought for people’s freedom. Knows stealth and how to handle explosives

He’s a gangster who wants to control his town through violence and intimidation. Runs gang flamboyantly with guns and explosives

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great Hook!

This process worked well for me. I had a concept I loved and was able to add more to it without much work.

What I learned doing this assignment was how to enhance a good idea and find new ideas to serve the concept. I learned how to make a concept better.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hit wrong button. Sorry.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi all! I ended up having two after changing some things and am not sure which is stronger, so any advice is appreciated!

#1

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –

Alicia is the girl who was put in “the game” without being voted in like everyone else…and doesn’t know who she is or why she’s there.

John is a violent criminal who was secretly put in there to make sure someone like Alicia (working for rebels) doesn’t survive.

Sam is the unknown force putting them both in the game…with an ulterior motive all his own. (Possibly Alicia’s father)

– Character Arc

Part to be changed: Alicia has no idea who she is or why she was put into this system.

Biggest fear: to be responsible for her innocent people, like her sister, dying this way.

Completion of arc: Find out who she really is – the person who created this system and inadvertently killed her own sister in doing so, until she joined the rebels, who put her into game as a spy, to the person who will sacrifice herself to destroy it.

– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma

. b. Dramatic Question: Why did Alicia get put into this punishment system?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment system and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape or finish the job and bring down the system?

– Theme

What do you do when justice isn’t just?

– Plot/Structure

The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the game, even though she is an unknown who did nothing wrong. Now, she has to figure out who put here there…and why…if she plans on making it out alive.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges.

#2

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –

Alicia is a hardened criminal who doesn’t care about anyone…until she meets young rebel named Jocelyn in the games.

Jocelyn is a young girl who put herself in the games to help the rebels beat the authority after they destroyed her mother.

Sam is the man who runs the game and will do anything to keep the authority in power.

– Character Arc

Part to be changed: Alicia is a hardened criminal who cares about no one and nothing.

Biggest fear: to be forgotten as a nobody like her mother.

Completion of arc: puts others above herself as she helps the rebels at the expense of her own personal safety

– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma

. b. Dramatic Question: Will the rebels be able to topple the corrupt system and free the other innocent prisoners?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape with her own life or help the rebels topple the system?

– Theme

To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

– Plot/Structure

Ascension – a hardened criminal finds herself unwillingly becoming the compassionate hero she was meant to be, as she rises up against the authority, level by level.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s father like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt’s SLW Pass 2

What I learned doing this assignment is how to outline the main parts of a screenplay so they fit together coherently. This will help me in the future to do the same.

I’m in a kind of odd situation because when I started making some changes, I ended up chanign the entire thing and now I have 2 and I’m not sure which to pick. Anyone reading, please feel free to give your thoughts on either or both!

#1

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –

Alicia is the girl who was put in “the game” without being voted in like everyone else…and doesn’t know who she is or why she’s there.

John is a violent criminal who was secretly put in there to make sure someone like Alicia (working for rebels) doesn’t survive.

Sam is the unknown force putting them both in the game…with an ulterior motive all his own. (Possibly Alicia’s father)

– Character Arc

Part to be changed: Alicia has no idea who she is or why she was put into this system.

Biggest fear: to be responsible for her innocent people, like her sister, dying this way.

Completion of arc: Find out who she really is – the person who created this system and inadvertently killed her own sister in doing so, until she joined the rebels, who put her into game as a spy, to the person who will sacrifice herself to destroy it.

– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma

. b. Dramatic Question: Why did Alicia get put into this punishment system?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment system and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape or finish the job and bring down the system?

– Theme

What do you do when justice isn’t just?

– Plot/Structure

The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the game, even though she is an unknown who did nothing wrong. Now, she has to figure out who put here there…and why…if she plans on making it out alive.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges.

#2

– Concept –

What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –

Alicia is a hardened criminal who doesn’t care about anyone…until she meets young rebel named Jocelyn in the games.

Jocelyn is a young girl who put herself in the games to help the rebels beat the authority after they destroyed her mother.

Sam is the man who runs the game and will do anything to keep the authority in power.

– Character Arc

Part to be changed: Alicia is a hardened criminal who cares about no one and nothing.

Biggest fear: to be forgotten as a nobody like her mother.

Completion of arc: puts others above herself as she helps the rebels at the expense of her own personal safety

– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma

. b. Dramatic Question: Will the rebels be able to topple the corrupt system and free the other innocent prisoners?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape with her own life or help the rebels topple the system?

– Theme

To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.

– Plot/Structure

Ascension – a hardened criminal finds herself unwillingly becoming the compassionate hero she was meant to be, as she rises up against the authority, level by level.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s father like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero to the people.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi all!

My name is Matt and I’ve written 7+ scripts. I hope to learn how to strengthen my writing in a contained structure and learn how to flesh out these movies better. As far as something unique, I’m from Northern California but moved to Southern Cali some years back.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Guidelines for END OF THE GUN

What I learned doing this assignment was how to evaluate how well a movie will do in a contained structure and what that includes. I also learned how to change a movie to work in a a contained structure.

As far as finding my own story, I went through the ones I had listed and picked one that was already fairly contained. I then made sure it was a high concept idea that looked marketable and went with it!

END OF THE GUN

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People A fairly large cast.

B. Stunts Some in the beginning and some at the end, with only a few spattered in between.

C. Extras Some in outdoor café and stores. Some no name bad guys.

D. Wardrobe Basic suits. Maybe for female.

E. Hair and Make Up For female and males, hair. Some makeup required for seduction scenes.

F. Kids and Animals NA

G. Quarantine Not too bad, some actors and extras.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People Cut cast down to fewer gangsters in fewer locations.

B. Stunts In this case, up them because it is supposed to be an action film.

C. Extras Cut out outdoor / store / bank scenes and make them either after hours or somewhere smaller.

D. Wardrobe About the same.

E. Hair and Make Up About the same.

F. Kids and Animals NA

G. Quarantine Removing some locations and bad guy extras will keep the number down from what it was.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s First Pass

What I learned from this assignment was how easy it is to fill in parts using this method. I also learned how to make sure the character arc is strong before starting.

Concept: What if the judicial
system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to
go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on
their punishment?

Plot Choice and Summary: The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the punishment games, but has no idea who she is or why she’s there. Now, she has to figure out who she is, who put her there and why, while surviving the worst punishments the audience can imagine.

9 Beats: 1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.

2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges.

Protagonist Character Arc:

Part to be changed: Alicia has no idea who she is or why she was put into this system.

Biggest fear: to be responsible for her innocent people, like her sister, dying this way.

Completion of arc: Find out who she really is – the person who created this system and inadvertently killed her own sister in doing so, until she joined the rebels, who put her into game as a spy, to the person who will sacrifice herself to destroy it.

Plot in Structure:

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.

INT. BEGINNING ROOMS – DAY

Alicia says to the camera and everyone else that she doesn’t know why she’s there, but no one cares.

INT. WEAPONS ROOM – DAY

The prisoners pick out weapons, Alicia doesn’t know what she’s good at or what to get.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

They are forced to go in quickly.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY

Some freak out, some don’t. Alicia oddly doesn’t.

INT. SECOND ROOM – DAY

Second person goes through and loses, killed again. Alicia tries to save him, but can’t and no one else helps.

INT. FIRST TEAM ROOM – DAY

Team finds out they have to do some tasks together and that the ones they lost would have made this room easier. They barely make it out, with one badly injured, but Alicia saves him at end.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

The group helps the person get through it and Alicia finds out she is good at puzzles. Like weirdly good at puzzles.

INT. BREAKROOM – DAY

They are given a break off camera, where they tell about each other. Find out Alicia knows next to nothing about herself.

INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY

They are about to go into another room, when an explosion rocks the whole place and makes them go off air.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

They help the person survive, as Alicia finds out she is a bomb expert. The person they told her to watch for seems nice.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is supposed to let this one die, as the rebels said it was the enemy, but she can’t and saves him anyway.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.

INT. ROOM SIX – DAY

This is Alicia’s room, but right before she’s about to die, the whole place shuts down.

INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY

Alicia and her friends go quickly to make it out while they have the chance.

INT. EXIT – DAY

They get to an exit. They can now escape or save their loved ones. Alicia goes back for her father.

INT. BARE ROOM – NIGHT

The amnesiac drug wears off and Alicia finds out she was the one who built this thing and is here to destroy it after it killed her sister.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.

INT. PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

Alicia goes for revenge and to end this place.

INT. VIP LOUNGE – NIGHT

She finds the people, her former friends who didn’t recognize her and a battle ensues. They want her to come back. She refuses.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.

INT. HOSTAGE ROOM – NIGHT

She releases the hostages, including her Dad, who finally forgives her for her sister.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Favorite Movie Outline

What I learned doing this assignment was how to use another movie’s outline to understand better how to create our own. It made me notice different things. I noticed that I needed an outside agency in my film, to make it more dynamic. I also realized that the dilemma wasn’t very immediate and that I need to make sure mine hits harder. So, I learned from both the movie’s strength and its weaknesses. Very interesting.

FILM: THE RUNNING MAN

Dramatic Question: Can Richards survive the Running Man?

Main Conflict: Richards and his team vs. Host and his stalkers

Dilemma: Should Richards risk his life to show the world the truth or escape to safety?

Theme: TV is dangerous because it can manipulate a populace to believe falsities and do what they are told, while making people more violent.

INTRO

Crawl explaining world.

INT. / EXT. HELICOPTER – NIGHT

Army group in helicopter finds food riot, with no one armed. They order them to kill the crowd, but Richards refuses. So they tell the second in command to take over and detain Richards.

EXT./INT. DETENTION ZONE – DAY

Richards is doing prison labor in a rough, toxic environment. The guards talk about watching the Running Man while letting prisoners die like it’s nothing. The prisoners stage a riot and escape.

EXT. LOS ANGELES – NIGHT

The prisoners find someone to take off their explosive headsets. Discuss taking over TV frequency to show the world the truth about the world. They realize Richards was a cop, but he convinces them he’s not their enemy.

EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY

Richards leaves the rest, saying he doesn’t care about their cause and just wants to survive.

EXT. PRODUCTION CENTER – DAY

Host comes out to big applause.

INT. PRODUCTION CENTER – DAY

Host shows himself to be a douche as he worries about ratings.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Richards looks for his brother, but finds the place empty.

INT. PRODUCTION CENTER – DAY

Host is trying to figure out what to do for this weeks show.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Woman working out watches a news report that shows Richards and claims he killed the civilians during the food riot. Then he shows up and asks who the woman is, since this is his brother’s apartment. Finds out brother was taken for reeducation and this is her place now.

INT. PRODUCTION CENTER – DAY

Looking for contestants. The host sees Richards with prison escape tape and decides he wants him to be on the Running Man.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Richards gets money and travel pass from girl and forces her to go with him out of town.

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Walk through airport, until girl purposefully blows their cover. Cops run after Richards and finally catch him.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Host forces Richards to join Running Man by kidnapping and threatening his prisoner friends.

INT. MEDICAL AREA – DAY

They give Richards injections and throw him in a hole, knocking him out until showtime.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Amber sees news report and realizes they are framing Richards by saying he killed men at airport earlier, when she knows he didn’t.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY

Richards’ court appointed theatrical agent gets him and tells him it’s time.

MONTAGE – crowds all over get ready for Running Man as intro to show starts to play everywhere. “Stalkers” walk around and violently please the crowd, as fans dance and cheer.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Amber sees Richards in the hall and realizes that nothing stopped him from hurting her when they were alone.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Host gives opening to Running Man and gives a fake background on Richards to make him look like a killer to the masses, calling him the “Butcher of Bakersfield.” Find out contestants get a trial or pardon or suspended sentence if they make it through.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Amber starts to snoop around.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

They put Richards’ friends in Running Man, after promising him they’d be safe if he volunteered. They explain game: runners have 3 hours to get through the arena while being chased by stalkers who want to kill them. Then they start the show.

INT. TUNNELS – NIGHT

Prisoners go fast through tunnels to get to arena.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Amber finds raw footage of Richards in Bakersfield before an unknown person catches her.

INT. SHOW / EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

Crowd bets on the show as they let an audience member pick the first stalker, Sub Zero.

EXT. / INT. ARENA – NIGHT

Crowd watches runners get into first quadrant. Sub Zero attacks with nifty weapons, but Richards kills him. Crowd is silenced as Richards taunts the host.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Host defends stalkers death on phone, saying it was bound to happen one day.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Host lets guest pick two stalkers, Buzzsaw and Dynamo.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Host is happy as ratings are up. He finds out about Amber being found looking for the Bakersfield video and is pleased.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

They introduce Buzzsaw and Dynamo. They make Amber a “mystery contestant,” and tell a fake story about her to the masses so they hate her, then send her into the game.

EXT. ARENA – NIGHT

Richards’ friend realizes he can jam the network because of the way the cameras are positioned. Richards wants to escape instead, but the other two insist on jamming the network first.

EXT. ARENA – OTHER PART – NIGHT

Amber is let into games and is running from the crowd.

EXT. ARENA – NIGHT

Amber finds Richards and his team. Dynamo and Buzzsaw find them, and they all run. Weiss and Amber look to disrupt the program, with the other two go the other way.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

Buzzsaw and Richards fight. Richards kills Buzzsaw, with the crowd shocked into silence.

INT. OTHER PART OF ARENA – NIGHT

Dynamo finds Weiss and Amber just as Weiss got the code. Amber screams as he kills Weiss.

EXT. ARENA – NIGHT

Richards runs to help Amber, but Dynamo hurts her before he gets there. Dynamo follows him as he leads him away from Amber. Richards outsmarts Dynamo and traps him in his car. Richards refuses to kill a trapped human being and leaves Dynamo alive.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Crowd is unhappy with Richards letting Dynamo live. Show decides to send in Fireball after them.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

Richards’ friend dies from earlier injuries with Buzzsaw. Find out Amber still has code Weiss got. Makes Richards finish the job of disrupting the network. Since the man saved his life, Richards figures he now has to do it.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE / ARENA – NIGHT

Host gets on private line with Richards and asks him to be a stalker, for good pay. Richards refuses and threatens him. Host gets call from Attorney General.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

They introduce Fireball to cheering crowd. They ask crowd member who will get the next kill and she chooses Richards, which no one has done before (picking a contestant instead of a stalker).

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

People start betting on Richards to make next kill.

EXT. ARENA – NIGHT

They are trying to do the deed, when Fireball finds them. Richards and Amber get separated.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

Amber finds last season’s winners of the Running Man, who were supposed to be free, dead in the arena. Fireball finds her. Richards shows up and kills Fireball.

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

Crowd cheers Richards last kill.

INT. PARTY – NIGHT

They call an old stalker, Captain Freedom, out, and make him do it their way to appease the crowd. Host is now losing it as people are betting on Richards.

EXT. ARENA – NIGHT

Richards and Amber look for broadcast center, but then get trapped.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

The film crew starts to doctor footage.

INT. PEOPLE’S NETWORK – NIGHT

Rebels who were friends with Richards’ friends pull Richard and Amber into their base. Amber reveals she still has the code.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Film crew doctors footage with Captain Freedom to make it seem like he killed Amber and Richards in arena. Crowd cheers.

INT. PEOPLES NETWORK – NIGHT

Richards realizes they won’t let them leave alive.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Host plays up Richards’ death to crowd and is happy with doctored footage.

INT. PEOPLE’S NETWORK – NIGHT

They send out their team to start their plan. Amber reveals she has the unedited footage of Bakersfield and they decide to upload it to the world. Richards and the rest of the team move out.

INT. HALLS – NIGHT

Richards and team move forward.

INT. PEOPLE’S NETWORK – NIGHT

They start the upload process.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Show is still celebrating Richards’ “death.”

INT. HALLS – NIGHT

Richards and Amber split up to do the mission.

INT. PEOPLE’S NETWORK – NIGHT

They hack the system and play the video exposing the truth about the host and the lies that were told.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Host is flummoxed as truth about Bakersfield plays.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE – NIGHT

Show producers try to figure out where the signal is coming from, then people’s network rebels take over room.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Host tries to appease angry crowd when Richards and team enter. Gunfight ensues.

INT. HALL – NIGHT

Amber kills a man, then is confronted by an angry Dynamo. She fights back.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Crowd watches gunfight.

INT. HALL – NIGHT

Amber shoots sprinkler system during battle, electrocuting Dynamo to death.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Richards and host confront each other while crowd watches. Host gives speech about TV and how it tells people what to do and how they give them what they want with violence and sports. Richards sends host into arena through tunnels. The host’s pod flies through tunnels and then explodes into a sign.

EXT. – STREETS / MONTAGE

Crowd cheers death of host and for Richards.

INT. SHOW – NIGHT

Richards and Amber kiss and walk off together.

EXT. – CITY – NIGHT

Big TV on building goes from Running Man to “Stand By.”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Matthew Frendo.

[Matthew Frendo]

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create a basic outline for a script. I learned what type of events should go where in that outline as well.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Audience starts to root for Alicia and vote for things to go her way on social media, making things easier for her to get through. Also, she realizes she was set up in there and makes deal with fellow contestant to find out who it is and get revenge; starts working against the challenges.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Necessary Questions

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create necessary internal elements for a script. This should help add weight and emotion to the plot.

a. Concept: What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
b. Dramatic Question: Why did Alicia get put into this punishment system?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment system and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape with her family and friends or seek revenge when she finds out who did this to her?
e. Theme: The unjustness of judging someone without understanding the context of their lives.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dramatic Plots 2

What I learned doing this assignment was the other 10 plot structures. I learned there are many ways to tell a story but these are methods that work.

CONCEPT: What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

The two from this day:

Sacrifice – Alicia could take the place of her wretched father, who is put into the event. Then she goes through the event, changing into the strong, determined person she always was deep down.

Ascension – Alicia is put into the event and forced to survive. She becomes a hero to people as she exhibits heroic qualities and even makes some of her wretched co-players better people in the process. She starts as a quiet, unassuming unknown and becomes a determined, heroic leader.

The one I think I will pick is The Riddle: Alicia
ends up in the game, even though she is an unknown who did nothing wrong. Now,
she has to figure out who put here there…and why…if she plans on making it out
alive.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Dramatic Plots 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are mostly a few plots that are used in different ways. I never knew this before and it actually seems eye opening. It’s much easier to use these templates than trying to think of something blindly. Especially because most movies use these formats.

Escape – In the future, the judicial system is based on social media voting, after which criminals must go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges. But Alicia wasn’t supposed to be here. She has no social media profile and stays alone in the woods. Now, she must escape…if she can survive the deadliest challenges they’ve ever used in the games before.

The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the game, even though she is an unknown who did nothing wrong. Now, she has to figure out who put here there…and why…if she plans on making it out alive.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is how to relate characters in a way that works for film. I learned how to create these relationships before starting on anything else.

CONCEPT – What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?

Dramatic Triangle

Alicia is the girl who was put in “the game” without being voted in like everyone else…and doesn’t know why.

John is a violent criminal who was secretly put in there to make sure Alicia doesn’t make it to the end…and to kill her if she does.

Sam is the unknown force putting them both in the game…with an ulterior motive all his own.

When it starts, all the contestants are together as they learn of their fate. Alicia is the only unknown and has no idea why she’s there. John acts as a friend as they make it through the games, but at the end, turns on her. But at that point, he doesn’t want to. Then Sam comes out and we find out he put her there for his own reasons and put John in there to make sure she didn’t make it. At the end, John teams with Alicia and they take on the whole system.

[Matthew Frendo]

The opening teleconference was great! The biggest thing I picked up was about using feedback in the way described. I’ve never heard of that method before, but will surely be trying it out now. Also, it’s good to hear again the need to let creativity flow and to stop the critical voice.

[Matthew Frendo]

Here’s My Outline. LMK if someone is ready to exchange feedback!

TITLE: PEACE & WAR

OPENING
– Jacob is a CIA black ops “wetwork” man. And today he’s happy. Because
back home, his wife just gave birth to their first son and this is his
last mission before he goes back home. But then the mission goes bad. He
is given wrong intel and he kills a group of kids training as soldiers…something he can’t deal with.

CUT TO FUTURE – he never left the area to go back home, feeling too guilty about what happened, and decides to live as a Buddhist monk in a small Myanmar village near where the incident happened. He starts to find a life of peace away from society.

M1 – MOTIVATION:
After retiring to this small town to make up for his sins, he finds out
they don’t trust him. But after he helps a family save their horse from a
thief, Jacob is taken in by a peaceful family, who show him love. He
starts to help the town and finds some good in his life again.

INCITING
INCIDENT – the cartel sends some people to rough up the father of the
family that took Jacob in, because he won’t turn his fields into cocaine
fields. Jacob fights them off, but doesn’t kill them. Now, the bad
guys are swearing revenge on him.

His reputation in the town grows and they start to love and trust him.

V2 – DILEMMA/SEND MORE: Nestor kills his own men for losing to a priest. He then sends his main enforcer and 8 brutal fighters men to handle it.

A2 – FIGHT – a bigger and more deadly fight happens, with Jacob badly hurting a man. His PTSD kicks in again after he does.

M3 – OBSTACLE: Jacob decides to leave, as he doesn’t want to be a killer again.

FIRST
TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT I – The bad guys try to kidnap a kid from
the family that is close to Jacob.

A3 – PURSUIT – Jacob follows them to stop them and they end up killing the kid.

A4 – FIRST KILL – Jacob kills the man who killed the kid. Then he kills them all. Guilt racks him for breaking his vow.

Then a Buddhist master starts teaching him about the samurai and he starts his path anew.

M5 – OVERWHELMING ODDS: Now Jacob can’t leave. He is forced to leave his new life and morality behind to do what’s right. He stays to protect the town and help the family.

V4 – DILEMMA: Nestor doesn’t like that the kid’s dead as it will make the town too angry and they won’t work with him then. He can’t push them farther without the risk of turning them against him and he can’t be dealing with this with the CIA arriving soon. He has to act fast and without too much blood.

A5 – DANGEROUS SITUATION – They tell some addicts to spread rumor that Jacob killed the kid to turn the town against him.

V5 – DECISION/ HAVE HIM KILLED: After the addicts spread the tale, he sends one of his men to talk a town wannabe thug into killing Jacob, saying he’ll be rich if he does.

Jacob learns about difference between life giving sword and death dealing sword (parallel story with local thug)

A7 – FIGHT – Jacob beats local thug down.

A8 – SHOOTOUT – the men watching over the local thug shoots at Jacob and battle occurs. Jacob sends the man’s head back to Nestor on the river…right when the CIA guys appear to see it. Nestor is not happy.

MID-POINT
– Jacob realizes that the bad guys won’t stop and goes after them, killing
them in an opium den. From them, he finds out Nestor’s plan to make the
whole country a coke hub.

A10 – DANGEROUS SITUATION – Jacob decides to blow up drug lab to make a dent in Nestor’s plan.

V6 – INFORMATION: Nestor sends people out to get information on Jacob and find out why this priest can do so much damage. They come back with nothing. He is like a ghost.

M6 – TWIST: The cartel finally is forced to tell their CIA contact what is happening in their American member and ask for their help. The CIA agrees to send their best men…for a bigger cut of the coke trade.

V8 – DECISION/MERCENARIES: Nestor hires CIA trained mercenaries to find Jacob and make an example of him.

A11 – SHOOTOUT / EVADE – Mercenaries come for Jacob and a fight occurs as he tries to evade at the same time. But one of the mercenaries recognizes Jacob and leaves right away.

V9 – INFORMATION: One mercenary comes back with the info of who Jacob is and how dangerous he is. The mercenary then gives the money back, saying he won’t do it. The CIA agent realizes he was a “friend” of Jacob’s back then. He tells Nestor all the horrible things Jacob has done in the area as an agent.

V10 – TURN TOWN AGAINST HIM: Nestor makes sure town finds out the stuff Jacob did as black ops with the info that the CIA gave him. They do turn against him this time.

SECOND
TURNING POINT OF ACT ii – The town banishes Jacob after finding out what
he did in the past. Even the family he loves can’t help him after they
find out he killed the father’s sister and nephew in the final raid that
went wrong.

M7 – APPARENT DEFEAT: Before Jacob can leave, the local thug tells him that Nestor kidnapped a girl and he though Jacob should know. Jacob goes after the girl, knowing he’s walking into a trap, but feeling he deserves it. Nestor traps him.

A13 – TORTURE: Jacob’s CIA “friend” helps them torture Jacob the same way Jacob tortured people as a black ops agent. They throw him into the river, leaving him for dead.

M8 – TWIST: he washes up on shore and is found by a tribe living on the outskirts of the town. The tribe’s shaman wakes him up and they heal him. The Buddhist from before sends him a book and weapon.

M9 – APPARENT DEFEAT: While he is healing, the town is taken over and people are forced to start harvesting drugs. The local thug he beat up comes to tell him and join him in fighting them off, embarrassed he left his town and people this way. Nestor threw him out and now he sees how stupid he was the whole time.

M10 – NEW PLAN: Jacob works with the tribe of outsiders to make a new plan, using makeshift weapons from what they can find around them.

V11 – FULL ON TAKEOVER: Knowing Jacob was banished, Nestor enters the town with close to his whole army to make a show of force and an example. They start taking over fields immediately.

CRISIS
– Nestor brings his army to take the town for himself. Jacob is barely
well and must either stay and get better or go help them

A14 – SHOOTOUT / DANGEROUS SITUATION – Jacob must fight Nestor’s whole army to save town.…even though they banished him and it might kill him.

M11 – FULL-OUT
ATTACK: Jacob and the tribe attack to free the town, using their weaponry
and skills against the overwhelming odds. Once the fight starts, the
family he loved rallies the rest of the town to fight against Nestor’s
army. Jacob takes on his ex-CIA friend
and kills him, the follows Nestor. He tribe and town use weapons Jacob made
from sticks and stones and use their will to destroy stronger and more
modern enemy.

CLIMAX
– Jacob follows Nestor into a cocaine lab, where they battle it out with
guns and then knives and ends with fists.

A15 – FIGHT – final fight with Nestor, where he ends him.

V13 – FITTING ENDING: Nestor is killed after a beaten Jacob throws him into a vat of acid used to make cocaine.

RESOLUTION
– Jacob decides to stop hiding out and go back to his family.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Fast Formatting!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to format exciting action scenes. I learned how to best write action dialogue (what I wrote before was way too long for an action scene) and how to best write action descriptions to keep the reader engaged.

EXT. TEMPLE – NIGHT

Chin Hzu looks around the other side of the temple and breathes a deep sigh of relief.

CHIN HZU

No one. Maybe he left–

SLUG grabs his arm harshly and points to the jungle where we see Jacob…

…along with a group of kids he is teaching.

Chin Hzu gulps, gripping the gun tight in his sweat-drenched palms.

SLUG

Now look through the sight.

Chin Hzu looks in the sight at Jacob…

…then he focuses on the kids laughing.

CHIN HZU

Kids…

Slug looks at him, irritated.

CHIN HZU

I can’t shoot kids…

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Slug empties three into the air.

We hear the sound of kids screaming and running.

SLUG

Now there are no kids.

He shrugs and motions.

Chin Hzu looks through the scope…

…but Jacob isn’t there anymore.

CHIN HZU

He’s not…

WHAM! WHAM!

Right then, he’s met with a hard kick – twice – before falling back.

Slug grips his gun and points it…

…but all he sees is darkness.

He hears a noise to the right…

…goes and checks in a bush…

…and finds a 3-foot long spider.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

He shoots at it three times in disgust.

Movement to the left…

…he fires twice and goes to find…

…Chin Hzu gripping his bleeding leg!

CHIN HZU

Asshole!

Slug aims the gun at him, when…

BANG! The gun is shot out of his hand.

He can’t see him anywhere.

SLUG

Don’t hide! Coward!

JACOB (O.S.)

What’s Nestor want?

Slug looks for him, can’t see anything.

SLUG

Nestor isn’t here. I am!

Slug eyes the gun on the ground in front of him.

JACOB

You’re nobody.

SLUG

Then come out! Don’t be afraid!

In Slug’s ear.

JACOB

I’m right behind you.

Slug immediately drops to the ground, grabs the gun…

…and fires – twice – in the darkness.

He sees Jacob’s shadow run and enter the…

INT. TEMPLE – MAIN ROOM – NIGHT

Slug runs after him. Just as he gets in, he sees Jacob run to…

INT. TEMPLE – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Slug follows him. He sees him in the hall.

BANG!

The long shot misses, but rings out through the temple. Slug hurriedly moves to the…

INT. TEMPLE – DOJO – NIGHT

This is a martial arts dojo, with weapons and images of a fierce Buddha’s and kung fu artists on the wall.

As he walks, he looks at the fierce religious figures.

He relents, unloading his weapon and putting it away.

He grabs a bo staff from the wall instead and walks in.

JACOB

I see you are a true warrior.

Jacob walks out from the darkness, sais at the ready.

JACOB

There are few of us around still.

AARGH!

Slug wastes no time talking and attacks.

He takes the bow high…

…Jacob blocks…

…takes it low…

…Jacob blocks…

…then a shot right to the eyes…

…PERFECT SHOT!

Jacob falls, temporarily blinded.

Slug raises it for a kill shot…

…Jacob brings the sais up together, crosed, to block it…

…and disarms Slug in the same move.

JACOB

Wrong move.

Slug slams his foot down on Jacob’s groin.

SLUG

That wasn’t.

Slug runs for a set of nunchucks…

…but before he gets there…

THWIP!

A sai enters his back, making him fall in a heap.

JACOB

Now, tell me about Nestor.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I’ve written 7+ scripts

I hope to enhance my screenwriting and marketing game.

I was a philosophy major in college and that seems to have a big influence in my writing.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Great Action Set Piece!

What I learned doing this lesson was that you can elevate a scene even if you think it’s done. In fact, many times thinking it’s done just stops doing more and adding more when more is needed. I learned the best way to make action meaningful to the audience. I also learned how to make it engaging and more unique.

Nestor’s man goes to local low-level criminal who wants to be respected and powerful.

He tells him how the town will soon hate Jacob and how killing him will make him a hero.

He gives the man a gun and goes with him to find Jacob.

They go to Buddhist temple. Man doesn’t want to kill in there, but thug tells him to, reminding him that religion is now forbidden.

Jacob isn’t there, but they find him outside teaching a group of kids.

The man aims, but can’t do it with kids around.

Nestor’s man, irritated, yells at kids to leave then tells man to do it…with Jacob watching him.

The man tries to shoot, but hesitates too long.

And now they don’t see Jacob.

Until Jacob kicks him in the face and takes the gun.

Nestor’s man starts firing on Jacob.

Nestor’s man hits local man instead of Jacob.

Jacob gets gun from local man and fires back.

Man from town grabs Jacob, trying to stop him and help Nestor’s man.

Jacob runs into martial dojo. Nestor’s man follows.

While both in there, no shooting occurs. Both see it as a place where guns shouldn’t be.

But fighting should.

They both drop guns and start fighting with martial arts.

They battle it out, with Jacob winning. But the man reminds him that he can’t kill in the temple.

Jacob lets him go.

The man goes outside and laughs, then pulls a gun.

But a scream in the distance makes him turn and that’s all Jacob needs.

He hurries to the man and quickly breaks his neck.

Jacob sees Nestor’s army insignia on his chest.

Nestor is showing around his CIA friend when his man’s head comes floating up to him on a river.

Nestor is humiliated, pissed and ready to go full out against Jacob now.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Unique Action!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to elevate set pieces to make them more interesting. I learned how to use the environment to a bigger degree and how to elevate characters to make them unique.

In the script, I made the jungle more dangerous with poisonous animals, plants, etc.

I made the end war more old school martial arts (wood weapons, weapons made from nature) vs. modern tech weaponry.

I made the character near-suicidal instead of just remorseful and guilt ridden.

I made the good guy a philanthropist as well who’s family used to own the area until they were ousted.

i changed it from a South American village to the Myanmar region.

i made the protagonist a healer as well as a badass ex-soldier.

I also raised the stakes on certain areas.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Level 3 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is how to elevate action scenes using 3 techniques. This will help me make my screenplay more exciting and engaging. It also taught me the tools to create these scenes. I also learned the difference between these 3, as they are very similar.

A10 – DANGEROUS SITUATION – Jacob decides to blow up drug lab to make a dent in Nestor’s plan.

-Jacob setting up rigged bomb.

-man puts gun to his head.

-more men come, almost shoot bomb

-shootout happens, with him fighting and trying to get out of there

-gets out just as bomb is shot and place blows up

INT. DRUG LAB – NIGHT

Rain batters the windows, as lightning crashes to show us the place.

Jacob is kneeling in front of a home-rigged bomb, with a stick of the C4.

He is just about to finish, when–

CLICK.

A gun cocking. Right behind his head.

LAB THUG 1

No even think about anything, pendejo.

Jacob slowly gets up, hands raised.

JACOB

What I’m standing in front of could blow us both into dust in the wind.

The man slowly looks at the C4.

JACOB

Just saying, might want to be mindful of the bullets.

Jacob then quickly turns, disarms the man, takes his gun, and shoves a blade into his throat.

JACOB

Knives work much better for the situation.

BANG! BANG!

Jacob drops Lab Thug 1, as bullets whiz past his head.

4 more thugs come from outside, all with guns.

Jacob looks back at the C4.

JACOB

Oh shit!

He quickly shoves a science shelf in front of the bomb, just in time. Bullets hit the shelf. Bullets that would have hit the bomb.

Jacob grabs the thugs gun and starts firing back.

But more thugs are now entering the room.

They’re coming from all over.

Jacob shoots one, grabbing his gun on his way down and shoots another.

Three more enter. Jacob ducks under a desk and shoots 2 in the stomach. He gets up and shoots the last in the head.

He sees two more enter…with automatic weapons.

He looks back at the bomb.

And runs for the door!

The thugs start blasting everything in the room.

Jacob just gets to the door and leaps out as–

BOOM!

The whole place goes up in a ball of smoke.

EXT. NESTOR’S PALACE – NIGHT

Nestor is having a party with distinguished guests, smoking a cigar on the balcony.

As he is laughing, the lab explodes miles in front of him.

The cigar drops from his mouth, as he watches, eyes wide.

The whole party turns completely quiet.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Level 2 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is how to add new elements to an action scene.

EXT. SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – NIGHT

Green foliage all around…

Rain beats down, breaking the silence with beats…

A hand comes up and pushes back the bush in front of him…

And there’s a chain link fence, barbed wire on top. Behind it is a row of shacks and huts, with one large building in the middle.

ALPHA ONE

(whispering)

That’s the main hanger, where the whole group is meeting. The mission, again, is…

BRYCE (O.S.)

To stop them from meeting…

JACOB (O.S.)

And make sure they never meet again.

JACOB (36) quietly cocks his gun, Bryce (31) right beside him.

ALPHA ONE, head to toe in camo, looks back at the two.

Both are in all black outfits, with black masks. They blend into the night.

ALPHA ONE

Beta One?

BETA ONE, in dark camo, walks up and starts to quietly cut the chain link fence, as Alpha One talks to the other two.

ALPHA ONE

We’ll get in support positions. Once we’re good, you come in and we finish this.

BRYCE

Just a walk in the park.

JACOB

Sure. If that park was run by scumbag sociopaths using child soldiers as an army.

BRYCE

Always gotta ruin the fun with the serious.

The two look at each other and grin.

Beta One steps aside, showing a huge hole in the fence.

ALPHA ONE

(whispering)

Alright team, let’s go!

His team spreads out into the compound. Once they’re in, they’re damn near invisible.

Bryce and Jacob whisper back and forth.

BRYCE

You sure you want to quit this? Office jobs are so boring.

JACOB

My son was born two months ago. I’d give up anything to be with him. Hell, I haven’t even seen him yet.

BRYCE

I’m just saying, we’ve been partners for a long time–

ALPHA ONE

(on their radio)

In position. Get moving!

Just like that, conversation stops.

They enter. Jacob goes left, Bryce goes right.

Jacob moves in darkness. A man walks by, he hides next to a hut as the man slowly walks past.

Bryce gets to a building and stops – right before he was about to hit an alarm sensor.

He breathes deep and slowly backs away against the building.

Jacob is walking slowly, when two guards with dogs walk by. He hits the ground. One dogs stops.

He’s looking right at him.

GUARD

(in Portuguese)

What is it?

The dog just keeps looking at Jacob, as Jacob lays as quiet as he can, not even breathing.

Then the dog looks away and they start walking again. Jacob gives a big sigh of relief.

He starts to move up to the main compound.

He’s almost there when–

BARK! BARK!

BRYCE

Aah!

Jacob looks over and sees a dog has attacked Bryce and is biting his leg.

Bryce turns his gun on the dog.

BLAM! The dog flies backward off of him.

The guards aim at Bryce, but before they can shoot.

PFWAP! PFWAP! PFWAP!

Silenced pistols take out the guards from the men watching.

ALPHA ONE

(on the radio)

We’re toast! Finish it and let’s get out!

JACOB

(on radio)

On it.

Jacob goes to look into the window of the compound, when gunshots start coming out at him.

He quickly runs to the door and opens it. Only darkness inside.

He unloads his assault weapon into the hangar.

Then it’s silence.

JACOB

(into radio)

It’s done.

ALPHA ONE

(into radio)

Verify.

Jacob turns on a light, smiling. But then his smile drops.

At his feet are all the child soldiers he was saving.

And they’re all dead now.

He stands, just looking at it in shock.

Guns ring out in the distance, but he just drops to his knees, staring at one young child’s face.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Level 1 Action Emotions

What I learned while doing this assignment is how to create certain emotions in an action movie context.

INT. RICARDO’S SHACK – DAY

Two dirty THUGS are holding Ricardo against the wall, menacing. They run a knife down his cheek.

THUG #1

You see, Mr. Nestor pays us well to find him the land he needs to make our little country great again. Rich again.

RICARDO

My family has grown food on this land for three generations. It is ours–

WHAM! Thug #1 slams the knife into the wall beside Ricardo’s head. Ricardo flinches in fear.

THUG #1

Like I was saying, he pays us to find the land he needs.

THUG #2

And to make sure there is no trouble on the way.

Thug #2 shoves some contracts at Ricardo, with a pen.

THUG #1

There will be no trouble, will there?

Ricardo takes the pen and starts to sign, hands shaking.

Then he throws it to the ground and spits on it.

He looks up, ready for the pain.

THUG #1

That was a bad idea, hombre.

He motions to the other man.

Thug #2 grabs Ricardo, forcing his hand onto the table.

Thug #1 takes the knife out of the wall and stands at the table, opposite Ricardo.

THUG #1

There was a game we played as drunk teens back in the day. There are many names for it, but I call it five finger frenzy.

He lays his own palm on the table, hand spread wide. He then moves the knife fast, going from the outside, to in between the first two fingers. Then outside and between the next two fingers. He goes faster and faster, but doesn’t cut himself.

THUG #1

I was always the best at this game. My friend here, not so much.

Thug #2 shows his hand and we see a ring finger is missing.

THUG #1

Now, it is your turn to play.

RICARDO

No, please–

Thug #2 holds Ricardo’s hand still.

THUG #1

I’ll make you a deal. If you can do it with your hand, I’ll let the land be yours. If not, we continue torturing you until you give it up.

Ricardo shakily grabs the knife and puts it to the outside, then between the first of Ricardo’s fingers.

Nothing happens. Ricardo breathes deep.

RICARDO

Please–

THUG #1

Go faster next time or it doesn’t count.

Ricardo does it again and gets by.

THUG #1

Faster! Hurry!

Ricardo does it again, but this time he nicks his finger as blood gushes.

RICARDO

Aah!

THUG #1

Bad luck, hombre. Now, you’re going to really be in pain.

He grabs Ricardo by the shirt and lifts the knife up.

JACOB (O.S.)

Perhaps I can be of service here.

The two thugs turn and see Jacob in his monk robes.

THUG #1

We don’t need a fucking priest. Find your way back to God.

JACOB

Funny. I was going to recommend you do the same.

Thug #1 nods at #2, who saunters over to Jacob.

THUG #2

Time for you to leave–

He puts a hand to Jacob’s chest to push him out. Jacob takes the hand and uses the momentum to toss the thug over his shoulder.

The Thug gets up and attacks! He lunges for Jacob, who moves out of the way and throws the thug into a bunch of clay pots stacked on top of each other.

THUG #1

What the fuck? It’s a fucking priest!

He takes his knife and attacks Jacob. He swings the knife, as Jacob backs away just in time. Then he does it again. On the third attempt, Jacob grabs the knife hand, twists it so the knife falls out and hurtles him onto the ground.

The thugs gets up, pissed and runs at Jacob.

Jacob calmly moves and trips the man.

Before he can get back up, Jacob has the man’s knife to his throat.

JACOB

The only reason you’re alive is I took a vow of nonviolence.

He moves the knife away, as the thug looks at him, furious.

JACOB

Just think, if you’d found your way back to God, you’d be in a lot less pain right now.

The two thugs get up and eye him.

THUG #2

This isn’t over.

THUG #1

I know you think you are helping, but you are only making things worse for them.

JACOB

Have a nice day, gentlemen.

The two thugs walk off. Jacob turns to Ricardo.

RICARDO

Those men…very dangerous…

JACOB

It’s okay. I’m used to dangerous men. Now, let’s get you bandaged up.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Favorite Twists!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to incorporate twists into an action script.

It Just Got Worse – After Jacob beats up a few of Nestor’s goons, he sends his best man with 8 brutal cage fighters after Jacob.

Trap/Trick – Nestor has some addicts he sells to spread a rumor that Jacob is responsible for the murder of a child that Nestor killed.

Surprising Response – After Jacob kills a man, he sends the man’s head to Nestor on the river.

Surprising Response – One of the mercenaries sent after Jacob knows who he is and how good a black ops agent he was…and promptly gives up the money, refusing to go after him.

Surprising Alliance – The local thug who was working with Nestor against Jacob joins Jacob instead, ashamed of how he went against his town and people for a drug dealer.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Likability/Empathy/<wbr style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Justification

What I learned doing this assignment is how to make a character more empathetic and likable.

Jacob is one of the best black ops agents working today. He has done horrible things to keep his country safe. But then a mission goes bad. He ends up responsible for the death of 29 children…and it happened on the day his wife gave birth back home.

Jacob’s PTSD from it all caused him to go into a Buddhist Monastery. There he takes a vow of nonviolence and decides to stay. Partly out of guilt for what he’s done and partly because he can’t face his family after what he did.

He stays at the monastery, in a small South American town. Right when he arrives, he has to stop a local thug from stealing a horse and does it with nonviolent aikido. The family whose horse he saved feels indebted and takes him in. Soon, he’s like a new member of the family, even teaching their kid some basic martial arts and about nonviolent Buddhism.

Then some goons arrive and want the family’s farm to turn it into cocaine fields. Jacob battles them off, using nonviolent aikido again, but they swear revenge. When they get back to base, Nestor shoots them both for failing him.

Nestor, who is using kids as drug and weapon mules, sends out some thugs to rough Jacob up. When they do, they kill the kid Jacob cares about right in front of him.

Now, he has to stop them for everyone involved.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Story Map

What I learned doing this assignment was how to put all the tracks together to make a rough draft outline.

OPENING
– Jacob is a CIA black ops “wetwork” man. He gets the wrong intel and he
kills a kid…on the same day his kid was born back home.

CUT TO FUTURE – he never left the area to go back home, feeling too guilty about what happened, and decides to live as a Buddhist monk in a small South American village near where the incident happened.

M1 – MOTIVATION:
After retiring to this small town to make up for his sins, Jacob is taken
in by a peaceful family, who show him love. He starts to help the town and
finds some good in his life again.

INCITING
INCIDENT – the cartel sends some people to rough up the father of the
family that took Jacob in, because he won’t turn his fields into cocaine
fields. Jacob fights them off, but doesn’t kill them. Now, the bad
guys are swearing revenge on him.

V2 – DILEMMA/SEND MORE: Nestor kills his own men for losing to a priest. He then sends his main enforcer and some bigger men to handle it.

A2 – FIGHT – a bigger and more deadly fight happens, with Jacob badly hurting a man.

M3 – OBSTACLE: Jacob decides to leave, as he doesn’t want to be a killer again.

FIRST
TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT I – The bad guys try to kidnap a kid from
the family that is close to Jacob.

A3 – PURSUIT – Jacob follows them to stop them and they end up killing the kid.

A4 – FIRST KILL – Jacob kills the man who killed the kid.

M5 – OVERWHELMING ODDS: Now Jacob can’t leave. He is forced to leave his new life and morality behind to do what’s right. He stays to protect the town and help the family.

V4 – DILEMMA: Nestor doesn’t like that the kid’s dead as it will make the town too angry and they won’t work with him then. He can’t push them farther without the risk of turning them against him and he can’t be dealing with this with the CIA arriving soon.

A5 – DANGEROUS SITUATION – They tell some addicts to spread rumor that Jacob killed the kid to turn the town against him.

V5 – DECISION/ HAVE HIM KILLED: After the addicts spread the tale, he sends one of his men to talk a town wannabe thug into killing Jacob, saying he’ll be rich if he does.

A7 – FIGHT – Jacob beats local thug down.

A8 – SHOOTOUT – the men watching over the local thug shoots at Jacob and battle occurs. Jacob sends the man’s head back to Nestor on the river…right when the CIA guys appear to see it. Nestor is not happy.

MID-POINT
– Jacob realizes that the bad guys won’t stop and goes after them, killing
them in an opium den.

A10 – DANGEROUS SITUATION – Jacob decides to blow up drug lab.

V6 – INFORMATION: He sends people out to get information on Jacob and find out why this priest can do so much damage.

M6 – TWIST: The cartel finally is forced to tell their CIA contact what is happening in their American member and ask for their help.

V8 – DECISION/MERCENARIES: Nestor hires CIA trained mercenaries to find Jacob and make an example of him.

A11 – SHOOTOUT / EVADE – Mercenaries come for Jacob and a fight occurs as he tries to evade at the same time.

V9 – INFORMATION: One mercenary comes back with Jacob’s dog tags. The CIA agent sees the dog tags and was a “friend” of Jacob’s back then. He tells Nestor all the horrible things Jacob has done in the area as an agent.

V10 – TURN TOWN AGAINST HIM: Nestor makes sure town finds out the stuff Jacob did as black ops. They do turn against him this time.

SECOND
TURNING POINT OF ACT ii – The town banishes Jacob after finding out what
he did in the past.

M7 – APPARENT DEFEAT: They use his own weakness against him by kidnapping a young girl from the town. He goes after the girl, knowing he’s walking into a trap. They trap him.

A13 – TORTURE: Jacob’s CIA “friend” helps them torture Jacob the same way Jacob tortured people as a black ops agent. They throw him into the river, leaving him for dead.

M8 – TWIST: he washes up on shore and is found by a tribe living on the outskirts of the town. The tribe’s shaman wakes him up and they heal him.

M9 – APPARENT DEFEAT: While he is healing, the town is taken over and people are forced to start harvesting drugs.

M10 – NEW PLAN: Jacob works with the tribe of outsiders to make a new plan, using makeshift weapons from what they can find around them.

V11 – FULL ON TAKEOVER: Knowing Jacob was banished, Nestor enters the town with close to his whole army to make a show of force and an example.

CRISIS
– Nestor brings his army to take the town for himself. Jacob is barely
well and must either stay and get better or go help them

A14 – SHOOTOUT / DANGEROUS SITUATION – Jacob must fight Nestor’s whole army to save town.…even though they banished him and it might kill him.

M11 – FULL-OUT
ATTACK: Jacob and the tribe attack to free the town, using their weaponry
and skills against the overwhelming odds. Jacob takes on his ex-CIA friend
and kills him, the follows Nestor.

CLIMAX
– Jacob follows Nestor into a cocaine lab, where they battle it out with
guns and then knives and ends with fists.

A15 – FIGHT – final fight with Nestor, where he ends him.

V13 – FITTING ENDING: Nestor is killed after a beaten Jacob throws him into a vat of acid used to make cocaine.

RESOLUTION
– Jacob decides to stop hiding out and go back to his family.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Action Structure!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to make a strong structure around the other tracks we did.

Opening
– Jacob still working a black ops job. The job has the wrong intel and he
kills a kid…on the same day his kid was born back home.

Cut to future – he never left the area to go back home, feeling too guilty about what happened, and decides to live as a monk in a small South American village near where the incident happened.

Inciting
Incident – They send thugs to get the fields, but he stops them. Now, the
bad guys are swearing revenge on him.

First
Turning Point at end of Act 1 – The bad guys try to kidnap a kid close to
Jacob and end up killing the kid. Jacob kills one in defense, his first
kill since the opening scene. But it’s only done in defense.

Mid-Point
– Jacob realizes that the bad guys won’t stop and goes after them, killing
them in an opium den and blowing up a lab.

Second
Turning Point at end of Act 2 – The town banishes Jacob after finding out
what he did in the past. He is then beaten close to death and thrown in the
river.

He is found by a lost tribe and they nurse him back to health.

Crisis
– Nestor brings his army to take the town for himself. Jacob is barely
well and must either stay and get better or go help them…even though they
banished him and it might kill him.

Climax
– Jacob takes on the army and then follows Nestor into a cocaine lab,
where they battle it out with guns and then knives and ends with fists, as
Nestor falls into a vat of acid.

Resolution
– Jacob decides to stop hiding out and go back to his family.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt Frendo’s Action Track!

What I learned doing this assignment was how to create meaningful action and integrate it better into the story.

A.
Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up
in this movie?

Fighting thugs of Nestor, fighting Nestor, using homemade weapons against military grade, fighting whole army, interrogation, torture, rescue, shootout, evade, dangerous situations

B.
Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for
this track?

Torture, rescue, fight, shootout, dangerous situations, interrogation

C. How
can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax
in the 3rd Act?

Start with him fighting two people and doing so without harming them. Then he has to break his code after the villain crosses the line and gets more violent. By the end, he is back to killing machine mode.

ACTION TRACK

Fight – start with fight against two thugs, sending them back humiliated but mostly unhurt.

Purpose: shows Jacob can fight but is choosing not to. Introduces villain’s men. Creates mystery on how Jacob knows this stuff.

Fight – bigger fight as they send more men and he has to hurt one to save a person

Purpose: adrenaline experience. Shows he’s more dangerous than thought.

Pursuit – they try to kidnap a kid, Jacob follows them and they kill the kid.

Purpose: makes change for hero by making him go through pain. Gives insight into how much he cares for the people.

First Kill – Jacob kills the man who killed the kid.

Purpose: Change of hero to one who will do violence again. Raises stakes and expectation of what might happen.

Dangerous situations – They tell some addicts to spread rumor that Jacob killed the kid to turn the town against him.

Purpose: entertaining to watch, insight that villain is brains as well as strength.

Dangerous situation – after rumor is spread, they talk local loser thug into killing Jacob for respect.

Purpose: insight into villain, entertaining to watch.

Fight – Jacob beats local thug down.

Purpose: adrenaline for audience, hero vs. villain.

Shootout – the man watching him shoots at Jacob and battle occurs.

Purpose: hero vs. villain, adrenaline, entertaining, shows that Jacob is good at weapons too.

Torture – Jacob sends the man’s head back to Nestor.

Purpose: show Jacob’s dark side, more mystery on who he really is, ups stakes.

Dangerous situation – Jacob decides to blow up drug lab.

Purpose: Jacob now attacking instead of just defending, shows his character, entertaining

Shootout / Evade – Mercenaries come for Jacob and a fight occurs as he tries to evade at the same time.

Purpose: adrenaline, insight into hero

Dangerous situation – they tell town about what Jacob did as black ops and they do turn against hm this time.

Purpose: Change to story and hero, entertaining

Shootout / Dangerous situation – Jacob must fight Nestor’s whole army to save town.

Purpose: hero vs. villain, adrenaline

Fight – final fight with Nestor, where he ends him.

Purpose: hero vs. villain, adrenaline

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt Frendo’s Villain Track

What I learned doing this assignment is how to make your villain more engaging and powerful to the audience.

VILLAIN TRACK

A.
What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to
annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the
spot.

The villain wants to take the fields of the farmers and enslave them to create more cocaine so he can expand his military presence and weaponry.

B. How
many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

Send goons after him, send hitman after him, drones?, kill a family the hero is close to, hurt the town and their villagers, mercenaries, contract on his life, use CIA friend to get close and destroy him, higher class weaponry

C.
What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this
movie?

Military grade weapons, soldiers who like to inflict pain and kill, able to afford mercenaries and hitman, CIA contacts, addicts who will do anything for a fix, drugs and money

D.
What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what
they’ve done?

To die in a cocaine lab, where poor workers are forced to work in dangerous conditions, as he drowns in a vat of acid.

Villain Plan:

DECISION / SEND FIRST THUGS: he sends a few thugs to get the fields, thinking they won’t put up a fight. But Jacob takes them down and lets them run back with a warning.

DILEMMA/SEND MORE: He kills the men, not believing a priest is that tough. He then sends his main enforcer and some bigger men to handle it.

ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING / KILL KID: After those men get beaten, he sends someone to take a kid Jacob is close to. Jacob finds them and commits first murder after the person kills the kid.

DILEMMA: Nestor doesn’t like that the kids dead as it will make the town too angry and they won’t work then. He can’t push them farther or risks turning them against him and he can’t be dealing with this with the CIA arriving soon. He hires some addicts in the town to say that they saw Jacob kill the kid.

DECISION/ HAVE HIM KILLED: After the addicts spread the tale, he sends one of his men to take a town wannabe thug to kill Jacob and says he’ll be a hero. The man tries, but Jacob kicks his ass. He lets the man, who is ashamed of turning on his own people, live. But the person who went with him, he sends the head back to Nestor on the river…right when the CIA guys appear.

INFORMATION: He sends people out to get information on Jacob and find out why this priest can do so much damage.

DEFENSE: Jacob decides to attack a cocaine lab and blows it up. Nestor now has to stop him or his whole plan is ruined.

DECISION/MERCENARIES: Nestor hires mercenaries to find him and make an example of him. With the help of the town, they fight them off. But one makes it back with Jacob’s dog tags.

INFORMATION: The CIA agent sees the dog tags and knows who he is. He tells Nestor all that Jacob has done.

TURN TOWN AGAINST HIM: Nestor makes sure town finds out the stuff Jacob did as black ops. They do turn against him this time.

FULL ON TAKEOVER: Knowing Jacob was banished, Nestor enters the town with close to his whole army to make a show of force and an example. But Jacob is there to fight their weaponry with what he has in the jungle.

ESCAPE: Nestor escapes, running to a lab.

FITTING ENDING: Nestor is killed in a vat of acid used to make cocaine.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt Frendo’s Hero Mission Track

What I learned from this assignment was how to create a lay out an action film.

A.
What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face
of the overwhelming odds?

A former black ops CIA agent that was one of the best in the field, who has been trying to keep that keep that part of himself down.

B.
What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?

Stop the cartel and mercenary group from terrorizing and taking over town.

C.
What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?

INTERNAL: was going to let it lie due to vow of peace, but when he sees a child die, bringing to mind his past accident, he feels need to get involved.

EXTERNAL: Cartel looking to hurt town he loves and then kill him.

D.
Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally
happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?

First breaks up one fight mostly peacefully. So they send worse guys, who he has to fight off. He’s about to leave to keep things peaceful when other townspeople get involved and get killed. He then aims to just protect the town, but when the cartel strikes back, they kill a family that took him in and showed him love. That means he now must avenge their death.

Clear Mission:

Motivation: After
retiring to this small town to make up for his sins, Jacob is taken in by
a peaceful family, who show him love. He starts to help the town and finds
some good in his life again.

Inciting
Incident: the cartel sends some people to rough up the father of the
family that took Jacob in, because he won’t turn his fields into cocaine
fields. Jacob stops them with most peaceful martial arts, but they say
they’ll be back.

First Action:
They send a few assassins to kill Jacob, but he’s able to fight them off
and stop before killing them.

Obstacle: Jacob decides
to leave, as he doesn’t want to be a killer again.

Escalation: The
cartel comes back and kills the son of the family, as a message.

Overwhelming
Odds: Now Jacob can’t leave. He is forced to leave his new life and
morality behind to do what’s right. He finds the opium den where some of
the assassins are getting high. He goes in and kills them all, leaving one
desecrated with a message against the cartel.

Twist: The cartel
brings in their American member…an ex-CIA “friend” of Jacob who knows
everything about him.

Apparent defeat:
They use his own weakness against him by kidnapping a young girl from the
town. He goes after the girl, knowing he’s walking into a trap. Once there,
his “friend” helps them torture Jacob the same way Jacob tortured people
as a black ops agent. They throw him into the river, leaving him for dead.

Twist: he washes
up on shore and is found by a tribe living on the outskirts of the town.
The tribe’s shaman wakes him up and they heal him.

Apparent defeat:
While he is healing, the town is taken over and people are forced to start
harvesting drugs.

New Plan: Jacob
works with the tribe of outsiders to make a new plan, using makeshift
weapons from what they can find around them.

Full out Attack:
They attack to free the town, using their weaponry and skills against the
overwhelming odds. Jacob takes on his ex-friend, then has a knife battle
with Nestor to the death.

Success: Jacob
leaves and goes back to the town to say goodbye, before leaving to rejoin
the world he left behind.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Hero and VIllain

What I learned from this assignment was how to make a strong hero/villain dichotomy and elevate what I have.

Concept: An ex-C.I.A. black ops agent who has trouble living with what he did for the agency becomes a Buddhist priest in a small South American town, hoping to make up for his past deeds. When a cartel backed by a mercenary group starts to terrorize the town, he is forced back into his old ways, to save the town from evil. (possible elevation, Jacob was responsible, accidentally, of betraying Nestor and killing his son, which made Nestor vengeance crazy)

Hero Morally
Right: The hero is fighting to save a town of good people from a ruthless
cartel and mercenary military.

Villain Morally
Wrong: The mercenaries and cartel want to take over the town and force
them into cocaine farmers to fund hostile actions against other countries.

Hero – Jacob Galt. ex-CIA agent (possible elevation; knows old school fighting style, but is taken out by the new martial arts of enemy) (another elevation, he is older and been out of the game for a while)

A. Unique Skill
Set – black ops training in torture, interrogation and destabilizing
governemnts.

B. Motivation –
first to save town, then revenge when the military kills a teenager he was
training in Buddhism.

C. Secret or
Wound – killed a school full of kids accidentally during a black ops assignment,
which is why he left and is hiding out alone.

Villain – Nestor the Third, ex-foreign military turned mercenary and drug kingpin (possible elevation; army knows newer MMA techniques, making them better fighters) (another elevation, he is younger and more bloodthirsty)

A. Unbeatable –
cartel boss and mercenary leader who has men, money and equipment.

B. Plan/Goal –
take over town to manufacture more drugs and expand their ambitions of destabilizing
the world.

C. What they
lose if Hero survives – they lose their power, money and plans to destroy the
western way of life.

Impossible Mission – Jacob must stop Nestor’s army from taking over the town and terrorizing the people. (possible elevation, Nestor is working with ex-CIA guys who know Jacob…and go along to help Nestor stop him)

A. Puts Hero in
Action – he protects some kids, and then Nestor sends out a bigger gang.
After a teen he was helping is killed, Jacob must go into action again.

B. Demands They
Go Beyond Their Best – doesn’t have usual weaponry or technology and is
alone, but must take them on with what he can find in a village.

C. Destroy the
Villain – first by stopping their plan, then fighting the entire army when
they come after him for it

[Matthew Frendo]

Matt Frendo’s Conventions!

What I learned was how to start writing an action script!

Concept: An ex-C.I.A. black ops agent who has trouble living with what he did for the agency becomes a priest in a small South American town, hoping to make up for his past deeds. When a cartel starts to terrorize the town, he is forced back into his old ways, to save the town from evil.

Conventions

Hero: Ex-CIA black ops agent living as a priest.

Demand For Action: Must stop bad guys or town will be terrorized and people will be killed!

Mission: Save town from cartel.

Antagonist: Cartel, led by a former foreign soldier (not sure which country yet) who’s family was killed when the CIA betrayed his army.

Escalating Action: First stops minor thugs hurting someone around church, then they send bigger people over and over until he’s facing the main antagonist.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi all!

1. Name? Matt

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 7

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to learn how to write action at a higher level and up my game.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I was a Philosophy major in college.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Matthew Frendo]

For REVENGE:

Emily

A.
Hope: To get justice for her dad. / Fear: That her real identity will be
found out.
B.
Want: Revenge. / Need: Acceptance / happiness
C.
Base Negative Emotion: anger and hatred / Public Mask: Rich socialite
D.
Weaknesses: need to do things alone, inability to trust
E.
Triggers: anyone trying to control her or tell her what to do
F.
Coping Mechanism: attack harder

Victoria

A.
Hope: to be queen of the Hamptons. / Fear: To be taken down and found out.
B.
Want: Power. / Need: Love and forgiveness
C.
Base Negative Emotion: untrusting / Public Mask: queen who’s in control
D.
Weaknesses: need to look perfect at all times, not show real emotion
E.
Triggers: Being betrayed.
F.
Coping Mechanism: Manipulate and deceive

[Matthew Frendo]

A. Role in the show

Emily: Woman who’s life was destroyed is out to get revenge on the rich and powerful people who are responsible for her father’s imprisonment and death.

VIctoria: Uber rich and manipulative wife who rules over the Hamptons.

B. Unique purpose/expertise

Emily: Her whole life has been training and setting things up to get revenge on the rich and powerful.

Victoria: Powerful woman who has used manipulation and power plays to stay at the top and who will continue to do so.

C. Intrigue

Emily: Every action she takes is to follow a process of revenge against the most powerful in society.

Victoria: She takes ruthless action to keep power constantly…but also tried to help Emily’s dad before it all went down.

D. Moral issue

Emily: Emily is constantly having to deal with the fact that she is doing immoral things to get vengeance for good people.

Victoria: Victoria went against her own morals in the past, which she regrets, and now is ruthless to others.

E. Unpredictable

Emily: Emily has to hide her true feelings, which means she’s pulled in different directions a lot. And, since she is, we don’t know which route she will follow.

Victoria: Just when you think she is just a ruthless woman, you find out she actually tried to save Emily’s dad and was really in love with him. After that, it’s hard to tell what her motive is for any action.

F. Empathetic

Emily: We find about Emily’s past and how these people took everything from her while destroying her father.

Victoria: We find out that she used to love Emily’s dad and even tried to have him freed, but was trapped in her old life for reasons we don’t yet know.

My show’s journey.

A girl’s sister is taken and killed by “witches.” She becomes obsessed with finding the witches and joins the king’s army. When she finds them, things aren’t as she thought they were…

Role in the show:

Robyn – Girl whose sister was killed and is obsessed with finding the one’s responsible.

Sheriff – A holy man who does what he thinks he has to, even if it goes against his own moral code.

Unique purpose / expertise:

Robyn – After training with King’s men, she is well versed in battle and knows all about the king’s men.

Sheriff – A man who committed violence as a criminal before joining the “good” side, he now inflicts pain on “bad” guys to make himself good again.

Intrigue:

Robyn – Her only thought is to find her sister’s killer…and bring them down for good. But she also has magical abilities of her own.

Sheriff – The sheriff harbors deep guilt about one crime he committed…and tries to keep it secret.

Moral Issue:

Robyn – She has to rethink her whole moral code and what is right or wrong. This means she makes errors since she doesn’t really know.

Sheriff – He is doing harm for “good” and has to deal with that harm. He does so by cutting himself for every evil action taken for the church.

Unpredictable:

Robyn – She doesn’t know what is right or wrong the whole first season, or who is good or bad. This makes her question herself and act unpredictably.

Sheriff – He is “righting wrongs,” but also has his own morals in play. He also has to do what the church wants, which he doesn’t always agree with.

Empathetic:

Robyn – Her sister was killed, which was the only family she had. She was then lied to for years.

Sheriff – His guilt has been used against him to make him vicious. And he has had his losses in this battle as well.

[Matthew Frendo]

For Revenge:

Main characters: Emily, Victoria, Jack, David

Connected Characters: Nolan, Emily’s Party Planner friend, Jack’s brother, Jack’s dad, David’s sister, Conrad

Environmental characters: rich hamptonites, workers and customers at Jack’s bar, Victoria’s charity friends, David’s sister’s friends

For my script:

Main: Robyn, Will, Sheriff, Locksley

Connected: John, Alice, Patrice, Nathanial, Tuck, Sigil

Environmental: Townspeople, knights, clergy, rebels

[Matthew Frendo]

For this class, I decided to look at Revenge. I am also using a female protagonist who is in a different world, so figured it would be a good fit.

Five Star Points

Big Picture Hook – Will Emily get revenge against Victoria and the others and, maybe even more importantly, how will she get that revenge?

Intriguing characters – Emily’s whole life was defined by this tragedy of justice. She has now made her life dedicated to nothing but revenge, so it’s all she has. This means she will have to probably break her own moral code and deal with it throughout the show.

Empathy – The audience feels for Emily after her dad is framed. This is enhanced by the fact that he was framed by the uber wealthy elites who run everything.

Open Loops – Will she reconnect with Jack? Will she get her revenge? How will she get revenge on all of them? Will Victoria catch on to her and ruin her instead? What really happened with her dad and the plot? What did her dad leave for her in journals? Why did Victoria betray her dad? How will Emily use David to get her revenge?

Inviting obsession – How will a girl with no past or allies (unless you count Nolan) get revenge on the upper echelons in society who ruined her life and killed her father?

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the Binge Worthy TV class.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Katt, have you done the phone interview yet? I have not, so if you need a partner, let me know.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi! Any idea when last Wednesday’s video will be up?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Katt!

Love your writing! It’s a really funny scene, especially at the beginning.

My main thought is that it reads more like a comedy than drama. Looking at the conventions Hal gave us, I believe this can be fixed by focusing more on Richard’s agonizing emotional journey before he actually asks Eddie. Maybe a scene at the beginning where he and Amy try to do the deed, but he can’t. Her reaction and his shame. I think if you focus on that more at the beginning, it will give the end the emotional punch you are looking for. It may mean you cut some of the comedy, but I think that’s okay.

I also like the twist at the end, but you could add a bit more to leave it on a cliffhanger if you wanted to. For instance, after Amy sees Eddie make his confession, maybe she gets up pissed and walks off. Richard thinks it’s because of him, Eddie knows it’s because of him and the audience will hopefully wonder how it will play out next.

Overall, love the writing and think the scene will work!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Katt!

Want to exchange feedback? Mine’s directly below yours. Let me know!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey George!

Want to exchange feedback? My sample is beneath yours. Let me know!

[Matthew Frendo]

Thanks, Dev! I used a lot of your thoughts in V2!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Lisa!

Love the concept still. I wrote down some ideas, feel free to use them if they are helpful. Overall, I think it’s on the right track, but I think it could be jazzed up a bit more.

Title: Mary’s Wonderful Christmas

Synopsis

Can separated down-and-out mom Mary save her shop from foreclosure by kidnapping Santa Claus and holding him for ransom?

Good hook. I would suggest rewording and shortening into something that grabs a reader. Something like the below may draw someone in:

BREAKING! BREAKING! Santa Claus has been kidnapped!

During the town’s annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival, Mary gets notice that she’s going to lose her snowmobile shop if she doesn’t pay up by December 25th.

This is great again, but I would try and mention how it’s the town from the movie somehow. Maybe something like:

It’s tough living in the town from It’s a Wonderful Life. Tourists and year round Christmas is bad enough. But now, Mary has a bigger problem. Because she’s going to lose her snowmobile shop if she doesn’t pay up by December 25.

A former Air Force captain, Mary once guarded Santa Claus at the North Pole for NORAD, which gives her the idea to kidnap Santa for ransom to pay her mortgage. Mary works hard to keep her family and the town from finding out her plans.

Good element. I would drop the part about working hard to keep it from people. It seems unnecessary (and it’s good to shorten whenever possible).

While government agents are searching for Mary and Santa Claus, the downtown is packed for the Santa 5K race where all the runners must dress as Santa…allowing them to move through town by blending in easily.

Nice, but there’s a lot of detail in here unnecessary for a pitch.

Separated from her husband, Peter, and her two daughters, Mary hopes by saving her business she can win back her family.

Probably should mention this earlier, since it’s the emotional hook of a Christmas movie. I would suggest in paragraph one along with snowmobile part.

Through all the obstacles, Santa guides Mary to the real meaning of Christmas. Ala It’s a Wonderful Life, the town bails Mary out of her predicament with the funds from the festival. Finally, Mary tries to reunite with her family.

I would suggest not putting the ending and making it a cliffhanger, if at all possible.

I am a graduate of NYU Film and have sold one full-length feature. By the way, I’ve attended the real annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival complete with running Santa Clauses!

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script for Mary’s Wonderful Christmas.

Lisa Long, llongmolly@gmail.com

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey June!

So, the story sounds great. But overall, it feels more like a synopsis than a pitch. I would suggest using the format Hal gave in the emails, as it makes it way easier to keep it at the pitch level. It also focuses on the hooks more that way.

Dear Producer of Much Loved Romance Movie,

RETIREMENT is a love story about two “still-hippies” in their 60s for the boomer generation.

I would suggest making the first line a hook instead of a description.

Synopsis There’s a reason why crazy-ass Roy is such a mooch. He declared himself dead after he got back from Viet Nam, so how can he make a living? Or even get his SSI? Nonetheless, he’s an “undisPUTEd” charmer. For most of his life, the gals opened their homes to him and he lived free- but when his girl Suzy moves out of her apartment – much to his surprise- he knows that his hoodini is fading, and he’s got to find a more permanent retirement scheme.

I don’t understand why some words have capitalizations in the middle. Does this represent something? Also, there are a few spelling errors, so I would suggest running it through a spellcheck before sending it out.

In jail he’s beaten to almost to death (misCALCUlation but the food sucks anyway) and in the hospital he learns that he has to rejoin society because his old body is trashed.

This jail part sounds like a good hook. I would reword it though and take out the parenthetical.

Enter Kim, also 60s, “Glinda the Good Witch” of his heart – and fellow super moocher, to light his candle. Kim has problems too. Her nasty brother stole almost everything she owns and is gaslighting her to grab her half of the family house.

Nice dramatic element.

No wonder Kim and Roy, twin souls, are instantly enthralled. Joint mooching adventures, but also serious meltdowns bounce this story toward the finish- as they help each other face their demons, to heal, and to believe.

I would suggest not telling the ending and leaving it on a cliffhanger, if at all possible.

Here’s Why Audiences in their 60s long for representation in stories about everyday people that have heart, romance and redemption. The language is indelible, unique and culture changing. The cast is filled out with an ensemble of nurturers, and the city locations are within reach of each other. Kick-ass lines show off the comic timing and range that Roy that has, while Kim flouts her theatrical largess, a singing voice, smart as a whip intelligence and a fighting spirit. Both protagonists hide deep spirit wounds and yet, together, find love, find joy, and find belief again.

I would remove this altogether. The producer should know what audience it’s for by the pitch and might even be annoyed if they think you are trying to “tell them their job.” Also, while this explains character, it makes it too long.

I also would limit the part about your experiences to one or two sentences. I know it means cutting out a lot, but it has a better chance of getting read that way and you want to focus on your awesome script more than yourself in this type of letter.

Overall, sounds like a good story!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Dev!

This sounds like a cool movie! And I think the pitch is good…but a little wordy for producers who are super busy constantly. Here are my suggestions…

Clay Caine, white supremacist and a Grand Dragon of the KKK, has a doppelganger – and he’s black.

In the multi-verse, climate change degrades a universe, causing its poisonous infiltration into a healthy neighboring one.

Both of these are a bit long and confusing. The top one is only confusing because they don’t know the story yet. The bottom one is just a complicated concept. Maybe start with something simple like…

The multi-verse IS real…and it’s making life hell for the Grand Dragon of the KKK.

An early sign of this degrading universe shows up as a strange wind that blows through a charming little town just as KKK Grand Dragon, CLAY CAINE, is usurped at his own rally by an upstart from a hot new White Supremacist group. What comes next for this Klan lifer is worse – a cross is burnt on his front lawn because everybody in town now knows his daughter’s been knocked up by her black boyfriend. And to add insult to injury, one morning he wakes up to find his wife is black as well… for a few seconds anyways.

I think there’s too much info here. I would suggest something like this, after the opening above (also, I don’t know the full story, so some elements may need to be changed, but it should provide the gist)…

First, his daughter starts dating a black guy…and he doesn’t hate him like he should. Then a new, tech-based white supremacist group started upstaging his beloved hate rallies, without one thought to how it would affect his self-esteem. Isn’t there any compassion anymore? That was when he decided he’d bring positivity back into his life by carrying out a good ol’ fashioned assassination. There’s just one problem…

The person he needs to kill is in that other dang universe!

Desperate to regain power and influence, and after a good pray on it, Clay believes his only path back to power is assassination. He’ll take out an up-and-coming black leader. However, unbeknownst to him, the black leader he chooses to murder, LINCOLN ABLE, exists in another universe, the very one Clay’s universe is breeching.

Meanwhile, in his universe, Lincoln awakes to a new and very unfamiliar urge: He is to assassinate a Grand Dragon….

The two universes continue their meld, causing Clay and Lincoln to literally appear and disappear out of each other lives, do battle across realties, and ultimately destroy their families, their reputations, and the meaning in life they both had fought long and hard for.

In the end, they mortally wound each other only to discover they exist as a yin and yang.

Their pivotal deaths are the final catalyst for their worlds to implode and then give birth to two new universes. One is where most of us would like to live, the other is a perfect hell.

I don’t think you should put the end. That seems more like a synopsis than a pitch. Also, all the wording and describing. I would put the second paragraph about Lincoln, then end with Meanwhile, in his universe, Lincoln awakes to a new and very unfamiliar urge: He is to assassinate a Grand Dragon…. Everything after that I would cut. It’s just not needed for the sell and overcomplicates the read, imo.

This sounds like a great concept! Nice job!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey, Dev! Want to exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cam!

Great work here! My biggest note would to try and have the hooks be shorter. If they are shorter between paragraphs, it looks less daunting to the reader. Especially with these producers who are so busy constantly.

That being said, I like the opening hook quite a bit…and have no idea how to shorten it. So… (shrug)

“Listen to me. You’re going to tell me how to keep you alive. And I’m going to get those things out of you. You hear me?”

The alarm BLARES, the colonists RUN for their lives, and Sully is DESPERATE to not have to make the worst decision imaginable…choosing between saving his wife or his nine year old son.

I don’t think you need to have certain words in caps. Especially when the rest of the letter doesn’t have any. Also, this jumps from him choosing to a year later in a beat. It might be better to start after the choice he had to make, so it’s not confusing to a reader.

After a year of refusing to move on from his wife’s death, Sully has forgotten how to connect with his son who has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Besides the time jump, this is a good emotional line.

However, when the alarm signals the return of deadly alien parasites, Sully is forced to reconnect with his son after they both watch the bunker doors shut them out. Lucky for Sully, his Aspie son is obsessed with the alien parasites, and may be the only one who can help uncover their dark secret.

I wouldn’t put reconnect here, since that’s the overall emotional arc of the story. Maybe “forced to be alone with his son after a year of barely speaking” of something of that nature.

Should Sully trust his developmentally challenged child in a crisis? Would you place your trust in a kid, especially when he gets infected by something that’s dying to eat you?

Just do one question. Having 2 dilutes it. Also, I wouldn’t focus on developmental challenges here. Just the emotion. Such as “Can Sully trust the son he barely knows now to save his life and the entire colony?” or “Now, estranged father and son are forced to put their lives in each other’s hands…whether they like it or not.”

Overall, strong work, Cam. Nice job!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey, Lisa! Want to exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey June! Want to exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cam! Want to exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Alice!

Here are my notes on your V2. I capitalized them so they stand out better.

Overall, I think it’s an intriguing setup. I don’t know the overall story, but it definitely drew me in.

Miropolis. Separation.

First ten pages, Version 2

FADE IN:

INT./EXT. INNER WORLD INSIDE OF HUMAN AS DIGITAL REPRESENTATION – OUT OF TIME

SUPERIMPOSE: Artificial nano-death. Test 43-157.

LIFE STREAM moves ahead. Enclosed space. Current jumps over similarity of 3D objects. IT SNAPS. (Signal is Given.) Fork on its Way. Instead of ahead, LIFE STREAM turns left.

Digitized Block walls on its way separate and move aside in symmetry, unveiling similarity of landscape. Life Stream gulfing into “open”.

Vision in slow motion floats up into grey space.

QUESTION IN MALE VOIE(V.O.)

What new qualities did you acquire?

ANSWER IN FEMALE VOICE(V.O.)

I can move walls apart!

NICE SO FAR. THE FIRST TWO LINES ALREADY DRAW ME IN.

EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY

Aerial view of the city. On flat roof of old-fashioned residential building is a squared basin.

Just caught fish sparkles under sunrays.

Hands detach it from fishing line, and we see this blond male sitting on the edge of the basin, pants rolled up, dropping feet into water.

JUDGE (O.S.)

That is a FISH! He caught it!

Quite near from the basin on the chair is old man with four year old girl on his lap. JUDGE (73), looking spectacular at his old age and tall height, all-polished, polite, obviously intelligent, and kind to his granddaughter he attends to.

NOT SURE WHERE THIS IS GOING YET…

INT./EXT. PLANE IN THE AIR – DAY

Flat screen with digital image showcasing miniature plane icon, with trace line showing it crossing water surface from one shore to another.

View widens, and we can see that is not Earth globe, though resembles. Two archipelagoes are as if reversed, there are no ice at poles, and long peninsula runs at South hemisphere.

Plane travels above at the North from right to left.

View widens farther on, small digital screen is one of many fixed on the backs of chairs, interior of the plane, now in the air.

This is…

SUPERIMPOSE: Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth count.

THIS IS INTERESTING. I DON’T REALLY GET WHAT’S HAPPENING YET, BUT IT IS INTRIGUING.

North of Miropolis. Plane crosses from their Far East, Hawaii-like resort area back to Eastern shore of Western Hemisphere. Just some strip of Ocean water.

PILOT (O.S.)

Free citizens of the WEST! We are experiencing slight weather trouble due to the Northern winds, please remain seated. Landing on East Shore of Miropolis in about one and a half hour supposedly.

Really, plane shakes a bit, moving up and down under winds.

THANAKH, (34), middle-height, light-haired, even-tempered, as if everything in him is some kind of tempered ideal, Scientist working at Research Institute, travels back with his girlfriend KIAT (27), subtle attractive brunet, her skin darkened under sun they spent weekend under.

THANAKH

Kiat, awake, we are home!

Kiat awakes, pulls out cosmetic mirror, and puts on lipstick, making her lips really dark red.

She glances on Thanakh, and they hold hands, trying to make it less visible, and looking away from each other.

ONCE AGAIN, INTRIGUING.

INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Small but cozy one-room apartment of Thanakh, which combines bedroom, guest room with a screen, and office with computer, is submerged in dusk.

Thanakh enters. Phone rings. He picks it up.

THANAKH

Hello!

DIRECTOR (O.S.)

Did you receive documentation?

THANAKH

Yes.

DIRECTOR (O.S.)

You have to be prepared to speak tomorrow!

THANAKH

It’s done. Are you sure it went thru?

DIRECTOR (O.S.)

You had to read it already!

SHORT AFTER

Thanakh switches comp on, and gets to window, displaying files, all reports from labs quarter work he needs to speak of at tomorrow’s meeting. He opens first file, and makes printout, as he reads it briefly on screen.

INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it. It belongs to report on ANAUPSH lab, her name typed above.

Thanakh clicks on file icon a couple of times, then hits back on a chair.

THANAKH

Damaged!

EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT

Empty night street. Thanakh jumps into taxi to run to Research Institute, where he can retrieve that file.

EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT

Sideway of RI, where there is security check.

Thanakh jumps out of taxi, running inside.

INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT

Thanakh runs inside.

SECURITY GUY

In a hurry?

THANAKH

File doesn’t open.

WOULD A SECURITY GUARD EVEN KNOW ABOUT THEIR FILES AT ALL?

Goes on his way.

INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

Dark desolated office.

Thanakh switches comp on, opens file, an attempts to print it, but printer is lacking paper.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Thanakh unlocks wall cabinet, searching for printing paper.

Voice at the back.

NIGHT GUARD (O.S.)

What are you doing in here?

THANAKH

And you?

Thanakh turns around to face Night Guard. Night Guard drops gun down.

NIGHT GUARD

Ahh, this is you!

THANAKH

Don’t play on my nerves, don’t stay at my back.

Guard walks away down the corridor.

MAYBE ADD SOME MORE CONFLICT HERE. MAYBE GUARD CLICKS THE GUN AND ELEVATES THE SITUATION BEFORE THANAKH CAN REPLY? I BELIEVE YOU CAN ADD MORE SUSPENSE HERE.

Thanakh pulls out box with paper, and looks into back of retrieving Night Guard guy.

There is some weakness in the way he walks down the dark corridor, illuminated only by blue light out of windows. As if he is an expected pray and is doomed.

Shouts to his back.

THANAKH

Hey!

Night Guard doesn’t turn, instead making pacifying gesture with his hand, still holding weapon down. And continues his relaxed night walk.

INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

Thanakh continues on files, as radiophone beeps. It prints in red dots on small display ‘I LOVE YOU’. This is message from Kiat.

Thanakh continues to work. And falls asleep right there at the desk.

INT. ALARM MAN’S BEDROOM – MORNING

Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.

INT. OFFICE – MORNING

Thanakh looks down into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.

HOW WOULD THE AUDIENCE KNOW SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND IS NOT?

INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING

Amid couple of others, Thanakh walks down noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. He keeps glancing over them, as if suspicious over something in printout of that file.

Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back.

THANAKH

Is it Anaupsh?

INT. THANAKH’S LAB – AFTERNOON

Thanakh is back after lecture.

He looks around of a couple of workers, mostly young, and girls, in white lab attires.

THANAKH

Where is Kiat?

He receives back conspicuous glances from girls around, hiding jealousy, saying silently how he is cheated over man.

INT. STORAGE ROOM – MORNING

Dark figures on background of day-light windows of small storage room. Anaupsh violently fights Kiat.

THIS SEEMS TO KIND OF COME OUT OF NOWHERE…

INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON

Thanakh calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and he leaves a message.

THANAKH

Kiat, you weren’t at the lab today. Call me!

INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Signal of Digital Clock on the wall, its disc white on the left and black on the right, representing two Archipelagoes, to indicate global time.

ARTIFICIAL VOICE (O.S.)

TIME of MIROPOLIS has STOPPED!

Arrows holt.

Thanakh worn out rests on the sofa. Awaken by signal, he glances at his wrist watch.

Digital Display with small window on top, showing Seconds and Minutes counting extra time.

Kiat didn’t call back.

ONCE AGAIN, HOW WILL THE AUDIENCE KNOW THIS?

INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY

Thanakh visits Kiat’s apartment.

Comes, rings door bell.

Door nearby opens, middle-aged woman in there. Looks with a smile.

WOMAN NEIGHBOR

She doesn’t live here anymore.

Thanakh gives her questioning look.

WOMAN NEIGHBOR

She didn’t appear for two nights.

Those might be two nights they spent on the weekend! What a lie!

HOW WOULD THE AUDIENCE KNOW ABOUT THE WEEKEND IF HE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT? OTHERWISE, VERY INTRIGUING.

INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY

Thanakh comes back, and calls the door of that neighbor. Silence, then steps.

WOMAN NEIGHBOR

What do you need?

Seeing expression on Thanakh’s face, she recalls what’s that about, and smiles, enjoying the process.

THANAKH

Did she return?

WOMAN NEIGHBOR

No, she left.

Thanakh glances back at the door.

THANAKH

Did she gather her stuff?

WOMAN NEIGHBOR

Yes.

She’s perceptibly lying.

GOOD INTRIGUE.

INT. KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY

Kiat’s one-room apartment, with shadowed windows, neatly kept, but few things, bearing signs of her leaving at the morning. Open door of a closet. Jumper thrown on the bed.

Entrance door cracks, pressed from outside. Lock gives in.

LATER

A couple of policemen under chief, accompanied by Thanakh.

POLICE CHIEF

Women leave.

THANAKH

She didn’t pick up any of her clothes.

POLICE CHIEF

Do you have in mind, where she could go?

THANAKH

No. She needs to show up at her working place!

POLICE CHIEF

Maybe, she flied across the boundary?

THANAKH

Without clothes, money, and documents?

Police Officer looks around apartment, as if searching for the answer, but missing it.

GOOD WAY OF ENHANCING THE INTRIGUE.

INT. AUDITORY – DAY

Crowd of RI workers sits in ascending rows, under bluish-colored wall. Every face is distinct.

Thanakh stands some distance before them, lecturing.

THANAKH

We have here conditions for working on science, on our subject. These conditions are supposed to be comfortable, so that we could address, occupy, dedicate to our ongoing researches, working and learning. This is a place for juniors and interns to get education. I would confess how I mostly am connected to the research of my lab I’m a head of. And maybe paying not enough attention, or not follow closely enough what is ongoing at jointed labs. Still, I am genuinely aggravated that no one pays attention at a fact person has disappeared. If someone would work day after day for a period, short or long, I would at least ask the question, where is he going, or where did he went? We’ve got so many lab workers. I personally cannot keep track of all of them. But I cannot mark not who is present at my own lab who’s absent, because I need’em. How come no one questions Kiat’s absence? She was working on regular basis non-stop, dedicating to research and education, like all of you. And honestly, friends, I just don’t understand your indifference!

Thanakh stops with an air of translucency.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHOW THEIR INDIFFERENCE BEFORE THIS SCENE, TO GIVE IT MORE EMOTIONAL IMPACT.

ALARM MAN

I’ve seen her that day.

Everyone looks at him. Man gets awkward.

ALARM MAN

I could’ve make a mistake. It was still dark then.

THANAKH

Did someone else disappear?

ADMINISTRATOR

Few people took leave from us.

THANAKH

Who are these?

ADMINISTRATOR

These are such, such, and such…

I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS LINE.

THANAKH

Did they submit documentation?

Administrator hesitates.

ADMINISTRATOR

It seems to me, I’ve seen one of it.

INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY

Thanakh comes by the address of one of men who took leave.

Thanakh rings the bell. Door nearby opens. Man and woman behind it, sober faces.

THANAKH

Did he reappear in here?

MAN

He left, not showing up.

Woman speaks, deeply offended.

WOMAN

We lived nearby of him for two years, he left not saying goodbye.

GOOD INTRIGUE HERE.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Middle-aged man talks quickly to Thanakh, leaning across table. He’s desperate. His face red and white from emotion. Hopelessness in his eyes deep, as a precipices.

DISTURBED MAN

My wife had disappeared. Please, look for her!

Shows a picture, a photograph. Desperate. Photo trembles in his shaking hands.

DISTURBED MAN

Here, please, take a look. She was working for you.

Thanakh dismisses him with calm gesture.

THANAKH

She probably was killed. Few people disappeared here. Don’t come in here anymore!

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE’S SAYING THIS TO THE MAN.

INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING

Thanakh is waiting to see an officer. He looks street side via window. Changes his mind, and walks away.

EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY

Thanakh walks past long wall with slogan ‘WEST is ADVANTAGE. GET SEPARATION’ on it in huge letters.

At the start of slogan, huge photograph of smiling with assurance male is cut vertically on two equal parts.

Thanakh reaches phone booth, and dials his number.

RECEPTIONIST

ORGANIZATION. Officer in charge speaking.

THANAKH

This is Thanakh.

RECEPTIONIST

And what is your report?

THANAKH

No. No report. Actually, I just want ask you something.

RECEPTIONIST

We don’t give answers here. This line is for report. Till next time!

Line disconnects.

NICE INTRIGUING ENDING.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cam! Like always, I like your work. Here are my thoughts.

1) The opening is strong…but I do think you can go stronger. Go to an EXTREME. There are plenty of ways to do it. You can make Beth more scared. You can make everyone less rational and more emotional. You can even make the situation scarier to draw the audience in. For example…why wouldn’t you show the gruesome death in the beginning? It will raise stakes for the audience and, if written right, the audience will feel empathy for Sully the whole movie. Especially if he hears it all go down, and it crushes him emotionally, but he can’t get there because he’s saving his son instead (at wife’s request). That gives us a dilemma, a reason for the son-father relationship to be fractured and a scary, gripping opening. Just a thought, obviously, but figured I’d throw it out there.

2) I don’t really see the inciting incident. Is the twist supposed to be waking up from the dream? I couldn’t figure that quite out either, since there are no page numbers, obviously.

The rest of the script is good, but I think it can be more extreme too. Maybe Sully can be less rational and more full of anger and defiant? Maybe something else? It’s your story, obviously, but I do think you can push the conflict farther and add in some more things that will bring up questions for the audience.

Also, I see a lot of places where anticipatory dialogue could be useful. If you care to go that route. 🙂

[Matthew Frendo]

Hell yeah! Let’s do it.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Alice! Want to exchange critiques?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

That is one strong ending! Loving it!

I’ve read a lot of your story and I think this wraps it up well. It has a nice focus on the father-son relationship and deals well with the emotional angles brought up throughout. I also like the conspiracy twist. I think most everything works well.

2 points to bring up:

1) I do think the crisis could be laid out more emotionally. Usually I do this by making it once sentence with an emotional choice. For instance, it seems to be “Should Sully keep being in charge or trust Isiah to take the lead?” It could be different than that, but that’s one example. Something simple and emotional to the story.

2) the only thing I thought could be strengthened was Jude’s notes. Is there a way to make it something more physical? Maybe she traps them inside of Isiah somehow, so if he dies, they die with him? Or something that’s not as static as notes. I think it works as is, but could be stronger possibly.

[Matthew Frendo]

hey Cameron! Got mine in a bit late this time…you able to do one more exchange?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

Once again, I dig the story and writing. But I’ll focus mainly on dialogue since that’s what we’re doing.

And the dialogue was really good. Jude in particular stood out as a fun character through dialogue.

Sully’s dialogue seemed to get stronger as we got deeper into the scenes. Maybe add to his dialogue in the beginning more? It seemed like he said “get behind me” and small words more than anything else. But then, later, his dialogue becomes more colorful and it shows.

Which dialogue structure did you use here? I couldn’t tell if it was circular, metaphor or two different conversations.

Isiah’s dialogue was good too. I imagine it’s hard to write a child’s words, but it comes off good. Especially the part where he has to say “excuse me” a bunch to get their attention.

Overall, good job!

[Matthew Frendo]

Sure! Sounds good!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Lisa!

I liked your scene! It’s very well written and engaging.

I see Cam covered most of my notes, so I won’t bother going over them again here.

The only thing I would suggest that he didn’t mention is that I think the scene could be tightened, with subtext and conflict amplified. In other words, I think you can pare down the non-subtext dialogue and use furtive glances and subtextual dialogue to make the conflict more gripping. Otherwise, it’s wonderful!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron! Good scene for sure! But I don’t see much subtext. Seems more of a reveal scene. Maybe make things uncover a little slower, to add subtext before the reveal?

[Matthew Frendo]

For sure! I actually already did a V2, so do it off of this one please.

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Jocelyn is kneeling behind a old barrel, wrench in one hand, as she watches the Sasquatch run after Alicia.

JOCELYN

Girl’s got balls. Or no brains.

All of a sudden, she notices Kristen is next to her. She practically jumps out of her skull.

JOCELYN

Holy– Are you part fox?

Kristen whispers the entire scene.

KRISTEN

Do you think she’ll make it?

Jocelyn just looks at where the monster ran, not answering. Then she starts to leave.

JOCELYN

Don’t sneak up on me again.

KRISTEN

I don’t sneak. I’m quiet. And you smell like a brewery. Given that it’s been a couple of hours–

She looks Jocelyn up and down with judgment.

JOCELYN

I’ll be sure to thank your precious Lord for that when I see him.

KRISTEN

Don’t bring God into this. He didn’t make you become a drunk.

JOCELYN

And he didn’t make you annoying. Why are you whispering?

KRISTEN

So the monster doesn’t get us. How drunk are you?

JOCELYN

You literally just saw it run past. How stupid are you?

KRISTEN

That’s true. God saved me.

(looking over Juliet)

I highly doubt he will be saving you if you’re mean to me.

JOCELYN

No God saved you! No one is saving you! You will die here like the rest of us!

KRISTEN

If I do, I’m not afraid because I’ll go to heaven.

JOCELYN

Then why are you whispering?

Kristen doesn’t answer.

JOCELYN

Look, this holy roller shit may work on the outside, but not in here. I heard enough of it. As my dad was beating me, when my school expelled me, and when my first boyfriend left me with a baby to abort on my own. I’ve had enough now.

KRISTEN

Abortion is against God’s plan.

JOCELYN

Yeah? Well, I wish my parents had aborted me. How’s that work for your little bullshit religious views?

Jocelyn smirks as she sees something and pulls Kristen’s wristband down to show old cut marks on her wrists.

JOCELYN

And it looks like you did too.

Kristen pulls them back down and gets up.

KRISTEN

Is it too much to ask that someone is kind of friendly in here? Just like everywhere else I go!

Kristen walks off in a huff, kicking the barrel over as she does.

JOCELYN

Why are you whispering still?

Jocelyn looks down as Kristen walks away, feeling bad.

JOCELYN

(quiet)

And you’re not alone.

Jocelyn pulls her own sleeve down and we see fresh cut marks.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

I read both versions. Are you taking the other stuff out altogether or just for this read? Because I would def leave the other stuff with Isiah in there. It was very impactful and made it an interesting read.

The stuff with Isiah is great and gives a strong internal and external conflict.

I like Sully as a doctor this time around.

The dialogue and descriptions are well done.

There are 2 areas of description I would look at:

1) There’s a place where you use the same term (“handful of”) twice back to back. It might be better to change one to something else to vary it up.

The lines are:

A handful sterile rooms in an open concept area – a beacon of minimalism.

And the handful of medical staff on autopilot.

2) I think the description of Sully may be too long and too non-visual.

A third doctor, SULLY, comes out of nowhere.

He’s been eternally walking on a tight rope for years, maintaining a balancing act between professional and childish, amazing father and a man who never wanted kids. Why is he here? Because he loves making things work more than making love.

I think the lesson said to limit non-visuals to a certain degree. It can also just be cut down in general.

For example:

In walks SULLY, a man-child who loves fixing things more than sex. (then let his actions show what kind of father he is) or…

In walks Sully, a man-child whose obsession with fixing things led to a divorce and life as a single father.

You get the idea…

Overall, great job! I love where you’re taking the story!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Anna!

I like what I read here! I won’t go into the techniques used because Lisa nailed them already, but I think this is a strong script. I thought the change of the Dr. was especially well done and added a lot of suspense and intrigue to the scene. Well done!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Lisa!

I like what you are doing here!

I saw every trait you mentioned used well. I especially thought the use of countdown with Christmas day was a nice touch that works well for the movie. It seems to keep the movie focused on the holiday, which is what you want. And it makes it more sentimental.

Nicely done! Look forward to reading more!

[Matthew Frendo]

Of course! I’ll give it a read tomorrow!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cam!

I liked your scene alot!

Biggest pros:

-Characters are well defined. Through dialogue, action and tone, we can see the difference between them.

-Action is great and it flows quickly, keeping me entertained the whole time.

Areas that could possibly improve:

-The descriptions are hard to get at times, mainly in how the bunks are set up in the beginning and the action at the very end.

-It seemed like a quick jump between him never killing to him killing a mutineer. We also don’t see why he changed. However, I realize the reason could be given either before or after this scene.

I do have one other question: I remember from an earlier draft that the script was about Markus saving his son…but here he says he has no kids. I’m guessing that’ s part of the overall story?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Alice! Want to exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron! So, I changed the genre and logline of my script and had to redo a bunch of stuff, which is why I’m posting so late. You want to exchange feedback once more? LMK!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Anna!

I like your premise to start. It’s very sympathetic and compassionate. It also is an interesting story that could be a good kids film (I’m guessing it’s for kids based on the lead’s age).

I agree with most of June’s comments, so I won’t repeat them here.

The only thing I would add is to maybe not make Alfie’s dialogue so on the nose, Instead of just saying he has a superpower, perhaps it’s revealed more through the story.

Otherwise, great job!

Oh, and in regards to your comments on mine, the White Knights actually weren’t KKK, but a police force in the future that wears all white. But I thank you for that comment, because if it’s coming across wrong (and I can see it is), I need to change it!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

I’m enjoying talking scripts and exchanging notes too! I read your beat sheet and it seems definitely solid, but is a little on the Aliens side. I did have a thought during it, that of course you don’t have to take, but what if the only one who could save his son is a scientist who’s in peril? That would make the plot more about finding the scientist before his son dies, as opposed to just dealing with the alien. Just a thought. Even without that, it’s something I would definitely still watch. Did you ever see LIFE? It kind of reminds me of that too.

And I agree with your notes on my script. While I like the concept, I’ve been having trouble getting the execution right. I literally have done 3 story logic webs so far, because I can’t find a way to break out of the Hunger Games association (although, ironically, it’s actually more like RUNNING MAN). I’m thinking now of changing it to a horror script. Some of the “games” I thought of were pretty gruesome and could work, and then I could make the maze they enter full of creepy and dangerous shit. I will probably need a new antagonist though. It would be kind of like SAW meets RUNNING MAN (or maybe NERVE).

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Kate!

Just read your scene and I liked it alot.

It had a good vibe and tone, while introducing the character well.

There is just 1 thing I would suggest…

I can’t fully tell if Shaunn is into Nia or if NIa is into Shaunn on a romantic level. So, if that is supposed to be there, I may add in a few glances or lingered looks to enhance it.

Otherwise, great job!

[Matthew Frendo]

INT. DARREL’S DIVE – DAY

Of all dive bars in the world, this is the seediest. Rogues, killers and thieves sit all around. This is Mos Eisly…if Mos Eisly was even worse.

An old television plays in the corner. A news program, with a straight-laced looking news anchor talking–

NEWS PROGRAM

–it will be the thirtieth anniversary, so they say to expect special surprises. It’s also creator and host Greg Sunshine’s final time presenting the state’s moral lessons. After thirty years, the most loved man in all of Salina is moving on to a Lt. Governor role–

(reception gets bad)

–contestants will be picked tonight–watch–white knight police force has new rules–

WHAM! The bar owner, Darrel, hits the TV to try and get it to work better, with no luck. He hits it again, getting frustrated as we see–

–a girl with her face hidden by a hood in the corner, fraying and destroying the TV wires.

She quickly, quietly glides next to the increasingly irritated Darrel and starts taking food off of his plate, putting it in her pockets.

She grabs the chicken, the corn and bread, but before she can get the dessert, she hears a light–

BEEP BEEP BEEP–

–and when Darrel turns around to check on it, she’s already gone.

EXT. DIRTY STREET – DAY

A BROWN-HAIRED LADY is walking through the bustling, dangerous street, holding on to her child’s hand way too tightly.

She grabs it even harder, causing her CHILD to flinch.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Come on, you filthy ingrate. Useless. Just bloody useless! If you–

Just then, the girl in the hood runs into her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Watch where you’re going, you waste of fucking air!

The hooded girl throws the piece of bread to the Child, who grins. Before he can take a bite, the lady grabs it.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

What do you do to deserve this? You shouldn’t have any–

BLAM!

All of a sudden, she’s thrown to the ground. Two soldiers in pure white outfits sit on top of her.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

Whoa! What the–

She looks at them all.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

No! No! I didn’t get called! I didn’t get called!

They pull a blinking wristband from her bag.

BROWN-HAIRED LADY

That’s not mine! Mine’s on my wrist!

They look and it is. They start looking around.

Another man, NICK (32), is calmly getting taken by white knights. He meets the eyes of the girl in the hood before she pulls it over her face…and he sees she has no wristband on.

He smirks maliciously, then nods to the white knights.

NICK

That’s her! Right there!

She looks back and the hood falls. We see ALICIA (23), a beautiful girl that stands apart from her ugly surroundings…but who also has a hardness and determination that comes from a life of lonely struggle on the streets.

She starts to panic as she looks around for a place that’s safe and finds everyone staring right at her.

She sees White Knights getting off the Brown-Haired Lady and coming at her…and she bolts.

She jumps over a garbage can, as she runs through the street.

She dodges vendors, hurdles over debris and runs swiftly.

She jumps off the side of a building, parkour-style, over a tent…and stops suddenly when she’s about to run into a homeless child and his dog.

BLAM! The soldiers grab her from behind and throw her to the ground. When they lift her up, she tries to kick one, but misses by a mile and starts to weep as she struggles.

ALICIA

It was just stealing food! It was just stealing food!

BZZZ! They stun her, knocking her out, and carry her off.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

First, I think you have something intriguing here. Starting it in such a difficult situation definitely pulled me in. And the descriptions are strong too. The blood on the walls line drew me in quite a bit and made me want to read more.

I do think the dialogue can be a bit more attack/counterattack. Maybe the boy really doesn’t want Sully involved and fights him more. Maybe something else. But I do think that can be strengthened.

The other things, and this is kind of funny, is I had the same reaction to yours that you had to mine, as far as pulling out the phone. In this case, it reminded me alot of one of the ALIEN movies (and to a lesser extent, LIFE), which made me feel like I’ve seen it before. However, this may not be an alien being inside the son. It could be something else. And I would understand you not wanting to give it away yet. Maybe you can use some vague dialogue or visuals to show it’s not an alien, without saying what it is? I haven’t read your most recent beat sheet, but if you want to post it below, I’ll read it and give my thoughts on this once I know the story.

I also had some questions about your comments on mine. Did you read an old version of the beat sheet perhaps? The reason I ask is because I’ve changed it up completely twice so far, and the newest version has no revenge/redemption or Robin Hood qualities at all. It has some HG qualities still, but I’m trying to figure out how to distance it. I already took out the whole revolution aspect, but there is still some of that feel that I’m trying to change up.

[Matthew Frendo]

Yeah, for sure! I’ll read yours in a few hours when I’m done with work.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Dana!

Overall, I liked this, but have some notes:

1) alot of this is dialogue based and it may be better to make more of it based on actions, if possible.

2) Did he kill the Uber driver the day before so he could pick up her husband as an Uber driver? From what I understand, Uber drivers are assigned randomly, so how did he get the call? And how did he know the husband would need a ride? He may have messed up the husband’s car, but that doesn’t guarantee he calls Uber? And is one of his personalities a tech genius who can disguise his phone that way? Don’t mean to harp on this scene, but it struck me as odd. Also, he could just be an Uber driver himself and not have to kill someone first.

3) All the names made it a bit confusing to read. I know he’s got multiple personalities though, so there may be no way around this.

4) I don’t really get the ending. It says Jason was locked up and it must have been someone else, but then it the last scene makes it look like it’s still him. I didn’t really understand what happened there.

Overall, good story! Reminds me a lot of SPLIT.

[Matthew Frendo]

No problem! I’ll wait for your second version before critiquing.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Michael, want to exchange feedback? Mine’s down the page from yours.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Dana, would you like to exchange feedback? Mine’s on the page farther down than yours.

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Arthur!

I like this concept! I’m a sci-fi fan and think this will work well with the genre.

I also think the characters are strong. My only comment here is that I think we are supposed to limit main characters to just 3. But the characters are good either way.

I think the plot choice works well. I do think the antagonist should be a person and not the event. In Jaws, for example, the antagonist isn’t the shark…it’s the hardcore fisherman. I think it would be the same here.

I also think the character arc can be stronger if done in the format they gave us. Just for reference, that would be this:

Part to be changed:
Biggest fear:
Completion of arc:

The last thing I’ll mention is the dilemma. It usually is an emotional choice with no good decision. For instance, it could be: should they save themselves and let others die or put their own lives on the line to save Earth? It obviously doesn’t have to be exactly this, but some bad choice like it.

Overall, I think it could be a great film! The outline looks strong and the science aspect is really interesting too! You definitely got something good going here!

Mine is above yours. Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Arthur! Want to partner up and exchange feedback?

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Lisa!

First, I really like the concept. Though I don’t know much about rom-coms in general, this sounds like a good premise.

I also think the character arc is great. It works and feels natural. The structure and most questions look great too.

In fact, there are really only two notes I have:

1) with the dilemma, and in general, I would recommend you make it one thing and not more than one. Either make it more about choosing between men or between Santa and Peter. I had two myself first, but then realized that it needs to be one question because that question drives the emotion. If there’s more than one, it could bog down the audience and not give the in depth emotion a single question can bring.

2) I’m not sure why Peter kidnaps Santa, or how he does it. You may have a great answer, but I don’t see it here, so figured I would mention it.

Otherwise, great job! If you don’t mind looking at mine, it would be appreciated!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hi Rebecca!

I really liked this concept! I think it’s interesting to use a miner’s strike, especially one that is not too well known (I never knew about it before, at least). I think it also has a nice correlation with some things we are dealing with right now. Great job!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron!

I really like this idea! It has a lot of philosophy and sci-fi in it, which I really like.

The main thing I would suggest is round the villain out a bit more. I wasn’t quite sure of his motivation, except for control. But I couldn’t tell why he wanted control so badly.

Also, so much happens that at times (not often), it gets a bit confusing. Maybe simplify some parts to really focus on the important things in the story.

Great job!

[Matthew Frendo]

Hey Cameron! Thanks for the feedback!

I’m beat from work right now, so give me a day or two so I can look at this with the attention it deserves. Looking forward to it!