Forum Replies Created

  • Maureen Tilyou

    Member
    November 23, 2023 at 12:14 am in reply to: Lesson 8

    Accidently Posted twice – deleted this one

  • Maureen Tilyou

    Member
    November 18, 2023 at 6:32 pm in reply to: Lesson 8

    Maureen’s
    Show’s Mysteries for OTHERWHERE

    What I learned from doing this Assignment is: Even though this is the second time I’ve taken the BW course, it’s still beyond amazing how following these assignments, the ideas just pour out of your brain. So much fun! I enjoy playing with the AI prompts as well, but am most pleased with the way my own little creative machine responds to the ‘prompts’ of doing the Assignment.

    MY SHOW’S MYSTERIES:

    A.
    MYSTERY ONE: SHOCKING EVENT MYSTERY: The Disappearance of both the
    Pirate Ship and the HMS Ship and everyone on them, including both his
    parents, right in front of Nicholas’ eyes.

    B.
    SECRET: How could that have happened? It defies reality.

    C.
    INVESTIGATION:

    WHO:
    Nicholas’ parents and everyone on both ships are gone.

    WHAT:
    Disappeared in front of his eyes

    WHERE:
    In the middle of the Caribbean.

    WHEN:
    Christmas, 1689

    WHY:
    Unknown piece of Mystery- Withheld

    HOW:
    Unknown Piece of Mystery – Withheld

    MYSTERY
    TYPE TWO: THE ‘OVER TIME’ MYSTERY: How did Nicholas end up being
    picked up my a Military Ship in 1989?

    A.
    COVER UP: COVER PRESENTED AS REALITY

    1. COVER-UP
      ONE: Nicholas is just a child.

    B.
    SECRETS:

    1. SECRET
      BEHIND COVER-UP: Nicholas is a genius who is destined to
      solve the mystery of Time Travel

    C.
    REVEALS: Over Time we learn:

      1. Isaac Newton and Nicholas’ Mother were part of a Secret Society, a clandestine Rosicrucian Sect who were obsessed with
        time travel.

      2. That
        Society is still functioning in the 20th Century. As
        well as a group that works against them.

      Who:
      Nicholas

      What:
      The key that opens the secret of time travel

      Where:
      Withheld

      When:
      Withheld (At some point a date emerges and it is revealed that
      there is a moment in time and space when the possibility to use the
      key to unlock time will open briefly)

      How:
      Withheld. Later revealed that this is Nicholas task to discover

      Why:
      For Nicholas: His mission always is to find and reunite with his
      parents. For Others, the mission is to crack the mystery of Time.

      It
      is revealed at some point that Nicolas love of his parents’ and his
      drive to find them, is itself the Power that opens the universe to
      unravel Time.

      OTHERWHERE
      ADDITIONAL SHOCKING EVENTS/SUB-MYSTERIES/COVER UPS AND REVEALS

      A.
      SHOCKING EVENT 1: PIRATE ATTACK

      SHOCKING
      EVENT MYSTERY: Since the Pirates were paid off, why did they attack?

      What
      happened to Nicholas’ Mother and Father?

      Where
      did they end up? Are they in their original time? Or a different
      time? Or are they in the same time as Nicholas, but in another
      place?

      Are
      they still alive, or did they die in the Pirate Attack?

      How
      can Nicholas get back and reunite with his parents?

      How,
      exactly, did he travel through time? – Nicholas becomes obsessed
      with this particular mystery, and devotes his life to it. He
      believes solving this riddle is the only way to reunite with his
      parents.

      EVENT/REVEAL:
      Nicholas discovers a modern Quantum Theory that, for the first time,
      opens his mind to seeing a path to actually solving the mystery of
      movement through time. There is hard work ahead, but finally a light
      at the end of the tunnel. (Possibly PART OF CLIFFHANGER end of Season
      1, along with–

      CLIFFHANGER
      REVEAL: We go back in time and discover Nicholas’ Mom, see how she
      survived the Time Shimmer and the Pirates and made it to land. We
      leave her in a precarious situation as we end Season 1. (Season
      Cliffhanger, along with Nicholas’ breakthrough above.)

    1. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 21, 2023 at 7:53 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      <div>HIJACK’s 5 Star Model</div>

      Big Picture Hooks: Professional Corporate Negotiator on his way home to save his marriage, has to engage all his manipulative skills to get the plane safely home after it is Hijacked by ruthless criminals.

      1)) Right from the beginning we bond with Sam. He is in obvious distress about something, and we want to know what and how he is going to fix it.

      2) Other Characters getting on the plane are introduced. We know from the title it is about a hijacking, so we are already trying to sort out who is a potential hijacker, and who is a victim.

      3) Once the hijacking starts, Sam’s approach is so unique, his choices surprise us – especially at the cliffhanger ending when he offers to help them.

      4) The hijackers know exactly who and what to exploit. They know all about the pilot and the Stewardess having an affair, and they use it to get into the cockpit. Who are these people?

      Empathy / Distress:

      The filmmakers use the fact that we know that this plane will be hijacked, to build empathy and distress in us for all the passengers as they board the plane. We see a couple, a family with children, a desperate man is ushered through security and runs to get on a plane that he may not make it off. After take off, we begin to see the event we dread unfold. We are with Sam as he clocks the odd behavior, and becomes concerned. He goes to investigate, but before he can find anything out, the hijackers pull guns, putting everyone in danger. Anxieties and tensions build, along with our empathy.

      Layers / Open Loops
      -What do the hijackers want?

      – Will they succeed?

      – Will Sam get out of this alive?

      – Will any of the passengers get out of this alive?

      Inviting Obsession

      You’re hooked like a fish with the character of Sam foremost, but also by the tense pacing and surprises. We want to know if all these passengers will get out of this alive, and if not- who will die? We want to know what the hijackers want, and if they will get it.

    2. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 16, 2023 at 3:55 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

      Hi Everyone,

      I’m Maureen from New York, and I’m a little late getting this Intro posted. We’re already in Mod 5! Sorry.

      I’ve been taking and loving online classes here at Screenwriting U over the last couple of years. I’m loving this class. A series of awesome challenges so far.

      I’ve written 13 screenplays and 1 script for a TV series. 3 scripts optioned and worked as a writer for hire on 6 screenplays and the TV script. One of the writer-for hire screenplays was produced.

      Looking forward to continuing to see everybody’s work develop!

      Maureen

    3. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 16, 2023 at 3:50 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

      Hi Everyone,

      I’m Maureen from New York, and I’m excited to be joining you all in this class!

      I’ve been taking and loving online classes here at Screenwriting U over the last couple of years. I’m just finishing up the Pilot script for the show I developed in a previous BW class, and I’m chomping at the bit to start a new one here.

      I’ve written 13 screenplays and 1 script for a TV series. 3 scripts optioned and worked as a writer for hire on 6 screenplays and the TV script. One of the writer-for hire screenplays was produced.

      Here we go!

      Maureen

    4. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 13, 2023 at 5:41 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

      GROUP RELEASE FORM

      As a member of this group, I, Maureen Tilyou, agree to the following:

      1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

      2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

      I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

      3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

      4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

      5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

      6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

      This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    5. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 10, 2023 at 1:11 am in reply to: Lesson 2

      <div>Maureen’s Deeper Layers for ‘The Supremacy Code'</div>

      <font color=”#0000ff”><font face=”Georgia, serif”><font size=”4″>MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will
      do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love,
      full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!
      </font></font></font>

      <font color=”#000000″><font face=”Helvetica, Arial”><font size=”3″>What
      I learned from this lesson: You can always go deeper.
      </font></font></font>

      <font color=”#000000″><font face=”Helvetica, Arial”><font size=”3″>
      </font></font></font>

      Surface Layer: A Conspiracy called Reboot is trying to consolidate world power. Daniel goes to the only people he trusts to help him stop them.

      Deeper Layer: Gideon and Johanna are part of Reboot.

      Major Reveal: Gideon and Johanna ask Daniel to be part of Reboot.

      2d Deep Layer: Gideon has been working against Reboot for some time. He thinks that Johanna doesn’t know.

      Major Reveal: Gideon reveals himself to Johanna and tries to convince her to abandon the project and help him expose them.

      Influences Surface Story: Letting Daniel into their system has actually given him the means to destroy Reboot from within.

      3rd Deep Layer: Daniel and Gideon had plotted to make the above happen. Daniel’s New Hack-ware inherently contains the means to bring Reboot down, but only Gideon and Daniel understand that.

      4th Possible Deeper Layer: At the last minute, when Johanna remains loyal to Reboot, Gideon is unwilling to let Johanna go down with Reboot. He tries to stop Daniel. This is Gideon’s big struggle – to turn Johanna away from Reboot, or to see it through with her to the bitter end.

      Hints: Gideon keeps wanting Johanna to change. Gideon drops a hint talking about love and philosophy/reason. “Sometimes love triumphs- even when it shouldn’t.”

      Changes Reality: Will Gideon’s conflict change the outcome of their plan- or had Daniel already accounted for it, and built in a bypass. or a secondary channel, in case Gideon weakened…

    6. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      September 9, 2023 at 8:47 pm in reply to: Lesson 6

      Maureen’s Character Profiles, Part 1

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this assignment: The previous exercises had already given me a lot of the Profile Material. It feels good to begin to put it all together.

      1. Start this assignment by empowering yourself using our
      State-To-Activity empowerment process.

      State: I’m highly motivated…

      Activity: …to create engaging character profiles.

      2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

      Movie
      Title: THE SOVEREIGNTY CODE

      A. The High Concept.

      When
      a psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking, and
      stumbles upon a plot to trick the nations of the world
      into giving up their sovereignty, he pushes himself to embark on
      the impossible– to somehow warn a world where no one can be
      trusted, while an omnipresent network of AI hunts him down.

      B. This character’s journey.

      From psychologically crippled shut-in, to brave Hero who publicly
      exposes a major conspiracy to consolidate world power to a few
      elites.

      C. Actor Attractors:

      Lead
      Character Name: DANIEL (Protagonist)

      Why
      would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

      Daniel
      is a unique, unexpected Hero, who overcomes deep psychological issues
      when he understands what the stakes are for humanity.

      What
      makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the
      movie?

      He
      is an oddball genius, thinks way ‘outside the box’, and takes unusual,
      offbeat actions to stay alive, solve the
      mystery, and stop an
      horrific plot from succeeding.

      What
      are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

      When
      he witnesses a murder online, instead of shutting down and
      protecting himself, he continues to dig for the
      truth, putting his whole life on the line.
      2) When they find him, he
      deserts the bunker he hasn’t left in 4 years and goes on the run-
      while still digging to find out who the villains are.

      3) He tries to save a Rooky Cop’s life instead of running away.

      4) A recluse who goes on a world stage in the end to expose the
      corruption that is trying to gain World Power.

      How
      is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

      As
      a genius recluse living in a sealed bunker. In the midst of his
      obsessive compulsive paranoia, he
      argues with a delivery man through the intercom when the man refuses to
      spray disinfectant on the delivery boxes. Comical and Sad, he’s
      in deep.

      What
      is this character’s emotional range?

      From
      an obsessive compulsive paranoid shut-in, to a brave, confident hero
      who risks his life to reveal a
      villainous world plot. In between is a huge range of emotions from
      intense fear and disorientation, to concern over others being hurt,
      to bouts of bravery followed by hiding, to a brilliant intelligence
      trying to figure out what he is up against internally and externally.

      What
      subtext can the actor play?

      In
      the bunker- he tries to keep the delivery guy talking because he’s
      so starved for human
      contact. Outside the bunker- he as to lie about everything to almost
      everyone he meets- and he’s a terrible liar.

      What’s
      the most interesting relationships this character has?

      At
      first, the most interesting relationship he has is with his devices
      and his Code. After he
      discovers REBOOT, his most interesting
      relationship is with them. In the end, is most interesting
      relationship is with his ex-Professor, Gideon.

      How
      is this character’s unique voice presented?

      Daniel’s
      unique voice is colored by his psychological issues as well as
      the uniqueness of his
      thinking. Pressured thinking and speech, sudden
      unexpected pauses for deeper thought,
      actionable habits and tics, etc- are all things the actor can enhance to bring Daniel
      to life.

      What
      makes this character special and unique?

      Everything!
      Daniel is a truly different and exceptional Hero. He has to
      overcome monumental
      internal roadblocks to become the Hero that he does
      in the end, and his intelligence and
      charm come through the rest, making him
      incredibly compelling.

      3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your
      lead characters.

      DANIEL:

      Role in the Story: Protagonist

      Age range and Description: late 20’s to 40’s but child-like
      in many ways. A psychologically damaged genius.

      Core Traits:

      Paranoid/Suspicious/Obsessive-Compulsive

      Self Protective/Traumatized/Secretive

      Inventive/Brilliant/ Resourceful.

      Motivation; Want/Need:

      Wants: To stop Reboot

      Needs: To re-enter the world, trust again.

      Wound: Death of Father, Vindictive and Insane Mother, His
      betrayal of Gideon.

      Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

      Likability:

      ACT 1: As he hacks into computers and
      cameras, he sees people in need or in danger and finds inventive ways
      to help them from his keyboard. Example: A female jogger who Daniel
      likes and ‘follows’ online. He likes to think that he is watching
      over her on her jogs. When he sees she is about to be mugged by thugs
      waiting on her usual path, he hacks into a nearby Male Athlete’s
      phone and talks him into warning her from going down that path. OR
      Hacks into her heart rate monitor and makes her heart-rate soar, so
      she doesn’t take the steep path.

      MIDPOINT: Daniel tries to save the
      Rookie Cop, putting his own life in greater danger.

      THROUGHOUT THE FILM: Despite the grave
      danger he is in, Daniel is always aware that innocent bystanders
      could be hurt, and avoids that possibility vigilantly. Is he usually
      successful? Does anyone else get hurt? Die? How does Daniel respond?

      Relatability: In the above ACT 1
      example, he’s jealous when the Athlete gets the jogger woman’s
      gratitude, and they exchange numbers.

      Empathy: As soon as Daniel witnesses
      the Reboot murder, his distressful situation causes us to have
      empathy for him. This becomes even more intense when he has to leave
      the safety of his bunker, and go on the run from Reboot, and
      accelerates from there.

      In ACT 1 Likability example above with
      the jogger, we empathize with Daniel’s distress trying to save her
      from mugging, then with his distress that he sent her into the
      Athlete’s arms, then with his genuine caring about her when he tells
      himself ‘ Don’t be like that, Danny. At least she’s ok.”

      In the MIDPOINT Rooky Cop example above, We
      empathize with Daniel’s distress at being cornered and in danger of
      being killed. Then again when he becomes concerned for the Rooky cop
      and risks his own safety to try to save him, and then the additional
      distress of seeing that the Rookie is killed despite his effort,
      followed by intense fear of what is going to happen to Daniel now if
      the FBI Goon gets to the gun before he does.

      CHARACTER- GIDEON

      ROLE IN STORY- Mentor/Red Herring

      A. The High Concept.

      When
      a psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking, and
      stumbles upon a plot to trick the nations of the world
      into giving up their sovereignty, he pushes himself to embark on
      the impossible– to somehow warn a world where no one can be
      trusted, while an omnipresent
      network of AI hunts him down.

      B. This character’s journey. Gideon goes from fence
      sitting, working for Reboot and against Reboot at the same time, to
      a decisive and brave whistle-blower, who risks his life to speak out
      against a looming and seductive authoritarianism.

      C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

      What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for?

      Gideon
      is a warrior held in check behind the deliberative thinking of a
      Scientist. He got into trouble with his temper in his early life,
      turned himself around, and went on to become a preeminent scientist.
      Now, he is at a new precipice of his life with 2 questions to
      answer: 1) Will he let the warrior out? And 2) What principle will
      that warrior serve- the principle of freedom, or the principle of ‘intelligent’ autocracy.

      What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in
      your story?

      His
      sense of humor and sense of awe for the universe. His down to earth
      personality and his way of straight-talking science so it is
      understandable. His character, and the depth of the choice he has to
      make- to stick with his wife and Reboot to take world power ‘to do
      good’, or continue to work against them in favor of humanity’s free
      choice.

      What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the
      script?

      1)
      Even though Daniel betrayed him in a troubling way, he remains loyal
      and caring, and does not turn him into the Reboot Cops. 2) He has
      been involved with Reboot for decades, and his wife is one of their leaders, yet he now secretly works against them because he sees the
      deep flaws of their plans. 3) He risks his life to help Daniel
      expose Reboot before it is too late.

      How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an
      actor?

      Teaching
      a physics class. He is absolutely amazing and creative as a teacher

      What could be this character’s emotional range

      From
      grief over the child he and Johanna lost, to deep caring for Daniel and empathy
      for his problems, to passionate love for his wife- who he is still
      ready to ‘betray’ for his principles, and love of truth.

      What subtext can the actor play?

      Since
      he is living a double life, pretending to be a Reboot advocate,
      while working against them, his inner life is full of subterfuge and
      lies.

      What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

      With
      his wife first. Then with Daniel.

      How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

      Gideon
      is a brilliant scientist and teacher, who has a witty and colorful
      way of expressing complex ideas, as well as simple daily exchanges.
      His sense of awe with life itself is always with him, and apparent
      in his Unique Voice.

      What could make this character special and unique?

      His
      Brilliance, his caring nature, his awe and reverence for life and
      the universe we live in.

      3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your
      lead characters.

      Role in the Story: Mentor/Red Herring

      Age range and Description: 40’s to late 60’s.

      Core Traits: Thoughtful/Scientific, Caring, Conflicted,
      Humorous.

      Motivation; Want/Need:

      Wound:

      Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

      Likability: Gideon genuinely cares for Daniel, and has always tried to help him. Even though he was part of Reboot, he realizes their dark intentions and has been working against them.

      Relatability: Gideon feels torn between his love for his wife, and his growing fear of what she and Reboot are trying to do.

      Empathy: Loss of his son. Daniel’s betrayal, which was that when Daniel’s Mother falsely accused Gideon of seducing Daniel, Daniel was too afraid of his Mother to tell the truth – that nothing like that ever happened. Gideon was cleared, but Daniel was never able to face him again- until now. (Question: Did Gideon ever mention to Daniel anything about “People who would take our freedoms.”

      Johanna – Role: (Antagonist)

      A. The High Concept.

      When
      a psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking, and
      stumbles upon a plot to trick the nations of the world
      into giving up their sovereignty, he pushes himself to embark on
      the impossible– to somehow warn a world where no one can be
      trusted, while an omnipresent network of AI hunts him down.

      B. This character’s journey.

      From a ruthlessly driven elitist, who never veers from her goal, to a woman who has a change of heart when faced with her own human loss.

      C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

      What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for
      it?

      Johanna
      is a Power Player. A strong, Brilliant woman who believes that those
      like her- an Elite Class of exceptionally intelligent scientists,
      thinkers and corporate leaders- would have a better chance at saving
      the planet if they were able to amass worldwide political power for
      themselves.

      What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in
      your story?

      She
      is a force of nature. Charismatic, compelling, decisive- and unlike
      her husband – she is not emotionally or intellectually torn. She
      is fully committed to her goals.

      What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the
      script?

      She forbids
      talking about their dead son because it causes her too much pain.
      -She secretly goes to visit her Son’s favorite place on the anniversary of
      his death, telling no one. -Despite proclaiming that keeping Reboot
      going is important above all else, when faced with the death of her
      husband, she sacrifices herself to save him.

      How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an
      actor?

      Overseeing
      a long awaited Nuclear Fission experiment. The most powerful,
      charismatic person in a room full of Power-Players,

      What could be this character’s emotional range.

      Very
      interesting range emotional range, from completely shutting down of
      emotion, to experiencing deep levels of emotion. Alive and
      controlling. Enigmatic and unpredictable.

      What subtext can the actor play?

      She secretly knows Gideon is working against Reboot, but she hopes he will back
      her and the project in the end. She covers her husband’s ‘betrayal’
      of Reboot. Both these realities lead to situational subtext.

      What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

      With
      Gideon. With their dead son.

      How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

      She
      is ruthless and certain, so she speaks succinctly, clearly and
      quickly, using the least amount of words to convey both simple and
      complex ideas.

      9. What could make this character special and unique?

      She
      is an enigma. A deeply feeling woman, and a controlled scientist and
      conspiratorial elitist at the same time. She is always feminine and
      sensual, but she keeps the emotions under lock and key.

      3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your
      lead characters.

      Role in the Story: Johanna – Antagonist

      Age range and Description: 30’s to 50’s or a young 60’s.

      Core Traits: Driven, Controlling, Charismatic, Powerful, Enigmatic.

      Motivation; Want/Need:

      Johanna wants: To implement Reboot for the ‘good of the world.’

      She needs: To accept her own and others’ humanity. ( To acknowledge and honor her suppressed instinctual understanding of the value of each human life.)

      Wound: Death of her son with Gideon.

      Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

      Likability: Johanna is a horsewoman. Loves her horses and other animals.. Great rider.

      Relatability: Johanna works hard on her marriage, as well as her passion for her work. (Nuclear Fission. ) She believes her work will save the world some day.

      Empathy: She and Gideon lost their young son years ago. She holds her grief back, and resents Daniel, because she believes Gideon is trying to use him to replace their son. Unknown to Gideon, every year on the anniversary of their son’s death, she drives hundreds of miles and spends the day on the beach where they had shared their best times as a family.

    7. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      September 5, 2023 at 3:42 am in reply to: Lesson 2

      Maureen’s Actor Attractors

      MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will
      do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love,
      full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!
      <

      What
      I learned from doing this lesson is how much fun it is to see my character ideas grow so quickly into what feels like real flesh and blood characters I can believe in. Yay!

      Movie Title: THE SOVEREIGNTY CODE

      Lead Character Name: DANIEL (Protagonist)

      Why would an actor WANT to be
      known for this role?

      Daniel is a unique, unexpected Hero,
      who overcomes deep psychological issues when he understands what the
      stakes are for humanity.

      What makes this character one of
      the most interesting characters in the movie?

      He is a genius, thinks way ‘outside the
      box’ , and takes unusual, offbeat actions to stay alive, solve the
      mystery, and stop an horrific plot from succeeding.

      What are the most interesting
      actions the Lead takes in the movie?

      1) When he witnesses a murder online,
      instead of shutting down and protecting himself, he continues to dig
      for the truth, putting his whole life on the line. 2) When they find
      him, he deserts the bunker he hasn’t left in 4 years and goes on the
      run- while still digging to find out who the villains are. 3) He
      tries to save a Rooky Cop’s life instead of running away. 4) A
      recluse who goes on a world stage in the end to expose the corruption
      that is trying to gain World Power.

      How is this character introduced
      that could sell it to an actor?

      As a genius recluse living in a sealed
      bunker. In the midst of his obsessive compulsive paranoia, he argues
      with a delivery man through the intercom when he refuses to spray
      disinfectant on the delivery boxes. Comical and Sad, he’s in deep.

      What is this character’s emotional
      range?

      From an obsessive compulsive paranoid
      on drugs, to a brave, confident hero who risks his life to reveal a
      villainous world plot.

      What subtext can the actor play?

      In the bunker- he tries to keep the
      delivery guy talking because he’s so starved for human contact.
      Outside the bunker- he as to lie about everything to almost everyone
      he meets- and he’s a terrible liar.

      What’s the most interesting
      relationships this character has?

      At first, the most interesting
      relationship he has is with his devices and his Code. After he
      discovers REBOOT, his most interesting relationship is with them. In
      the end, is most interesting relationship is with his ex-Professor,
      Gideon.

      How is this character’s unique
      voice presented?

      Daniel’s unique voice is colored by
      his psychological issues as well as the uniqueness of his thinking.
      Pressured thinking and speech, sudden unexpected pauses for deeper
      thought, actionable habits and tics, etc are all things the actor
      can enhance to bring Daniel to life.

      What makes this character special
      and unique?

      Everything! Daniel is a truly different
      and exceptional Hero. He has to overcome monumental internal
      roadblocks to become the Hero that he does in the end, and his
      intelligence and charm come through the rest, making him incredibly
      compelling.


      Leads Character Name: Gideon – Role: (Mentor/Red Herring)

      What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for
      it?

      Gideon
      is a warrior held in check behind the deliberative thinking of a
      Scientist. He got into trouble with his temper in his early life,
      turned himself around, and went on to become a preeminent scientist.
      Now, he is at a new precipice of his life with 2 questions to
      answer: 1) Will he let the warrior out? And 2) What principle will
      that warrior serve- the principle of freedom, or the principle of
      “intelligent’ autocracy.

      What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in
      your story?

      His
      sense of humor and sense of awe for the universe. His down to earth
      personality and his way of straight-talking science so it is
      understandable. His character, and the depth of the choice he has to
      make- to stick with his wife and Reboot to take world power ‘to do
      good’, or continue to work against them in favor of humanity’s free
      choice.

      What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the
      script?

      1)
      Even though Daniel betrayed him in a troubling way, he remains loyal
      and caring, and does not turn him into the Reboot Cops. 2) He has
      been involved with Reboot for decades, and his wife is one of their
      leaders, yet he now secretly works against them because he sees the
      deep flaws of their plans. 3) He risks his life to help Daniel
      expose Reboot before it is too late.<

      How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an
      actor?

      Teaching
      a physics class. He is absolutely amazing and creative as a teacher.

      What could be this character’s emotional range

      From
      grief over the child he lost, to deep caring for Daniel and empathy
      for his problems, to passionate love for his wife- who he is still
      ready to ‘betray’ for his principles, and love of truth.

      What subtext can the actor play?

      Since
      he is living a double life, pretending to be a Reboot advocate,
      while working against them, his inner life is full of subterfuge and
      lies.

      What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

      With
      his wife first. Then with Daniel.

      How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

      Gideon
      is a brilliant scientist and teacher, who has a witty and colorful
      way of expressing complex ideas, as well as simple daily exchanges.
      His sense of awe with life itself is always with him, and apparent
      in his Unique Voice.

      What could make this character special and unique?

      His
      Brilliance, his caring nature, his awe and reverence for life and
      the universe we live in.

      Lead Character Name: Johanna – Role: (Antagonist)

      What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for
      it?

      Johanna
      is a Power Player. A strong, Brilliant woman who believes that those
      like her- an Elite Class of exceptionally intelligent scientists,
      thinkers and corporate leaders- would have a better chance at saving
      the planet if they were able to amass worldwide political power for
      themselves.

      What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in
      your story?

      She
      is a force of nature. Charismatic, compelling, decisive- and unlike
      her husband – she is not emotionally or intellectually torn. She
      is fully committed to her goals.

      What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the
      script?

      She forbids
      talking about their dead son because it causes her too much pain.
      -She secretly goes to visit her Son’s grave on the anniversary of
      his death, telling no one. -Despite proclaiming that keeping Reboot
      going is important above all else, when faced with the death of her
      husband, she sacrifices herself to save him.

      How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an
      actor?

      Overseeing
      a long awaited Nuclear Fission experiment. The most powerful,
      charismatic person in a room full of Power-Players.

      What could be this character’s emotional range.

      Very
      interesting range emotional range, from completely shutting down of
      emotion, to experiencing deep levels of emotion. Alive and
      controlling. Enigmatic and unpredictable.

      What subtext can the actor play?

      She
      knows Gideon is working against Reboot, but she hopes he will back
      her and the project in the end. She covers her husband’s ‘betrayal’
      of Reboot. Both these realities lead to situational subtext.

      What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

      With
      Gideon. With their dead son.

      How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

      She
      is ruthless and certain of her views, so she speaks succinctly, clearly, calmly and
      quickly, using the least amount of words to convey both simple and
      complex ideas.

      9. What could make this character special and unique?

      She
      is an enigma. A deeply feeling woman, and a controlled scientist and
      conspiratorial elitist at the same time. She is always feminine and
      sensual, but she keeps the emotions under lock and key.

    8. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      September 3, 2023 at 10:26 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

      Maureen’s Villain’s Plan

      What I learned doing this Assignment is- Once again- Just when I think the story is not going to fit the model and I’d better switch to another story, if I stick to the process, the path lights up. 🙂

      To
      create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

      NOTE: I have Two ‘Villains’. One is the ‘Cartels’, in general and represented by individual members. The other is a feared Cartel Coalition Leader who as his own agenda, but uses the Cartels to achieve it. In that way, I am considering the ‘Cartels’, who do many villainous and life threatening things throughout the film, as a Red Herring for the Main Villain, Enrique, the Coalition Leader who has a history with Abuela, and who is the one who sets the plan in motion. I’m laying out their end goals and cover-ups separately below, because the Protagonist, Abuela, has to bump into both agendas over the course of the film. Then I sequenced them as intertwined, delineating Enrique’s Plan when it comes up. I hope that works and doesn’t confuse.

      I.) My OVERT VILLAIN/RED HERRING:

      THE CARTELS (Still Villains, but diverting us from the “EL JEFE”( Big Boss’ Plan.)

      1. What
      is the end goal?

      – To make as much money and amass as much
      power as they possibly can.


      2. How
      can the Villain/Red Herring accomplish that in a devious way?

      -Exploit
      the politics in the US and South America

      -Manipulate
      and exploit the people of South America and elsewhere who are
      looking for a better life.

      Work
      in secret beside political and charity organizations who help the
      Cartel achieve their goals, while they pursue their own.

      3.
      How can they cover it up?

      -They
      keep people from revealing the truth through…

      -Threats
      and Violence

      -Coercion
      and Extortion

      -Threats
      to Family Members and Friends

      – By
      killing, raping or maiming those who would expose them,
      including ‘problem migrants’ and those who are too weak
      to keep up with the trip

      – By
      “Indenturing’ migrants who couldn’t pay them, and
      threatening them to keep their mouth shuts or else.

      Other
      ways they work with their ‘Partners’ to keep the truth from coming
      out:

      -They
      cover it up through denial

      -By
      working under cover of night

      -By
      working in plain sight as if it were normal

      -By
      calling it ‘Humane’ and ‘Justice’, and intimidating or maligning the
      reputations of those who disagree or try to stand in their way.

      -By
      working with co-operating governments, organizations and media to
      keep the truth secret.

      II) MY
      HIDDEN VILLAIN:

      ENRIQUE was a freedom fighter with Abuela (Lucretia) in their
      native country. He was also her lover. Enrique and Lucretia were idealistic and in love, but arrest and torture- as well as what he saw as Lucretia’s betrayal- changed him. He is now the Leader of the largest and most brutal Coalition of
      Cartels. He holds a deep grudge against Abuela for not waiting for
      him when he was captured, and for going into hiding with
      their daughter so he couldn’t find them. Despite searching for them both for years, he
      was never able to meet or see his daughter before she died. He blames Abuela.

      1.) What
      is Enrique’s end goal?

      – To See Lucretia again and make her face him.
      When she sees him, he wants her to know that because of him, she had
      to go through hell looking for her family- the same way she made him
      go through hell looking for his.

      2.) How
      can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

      -To enlist Other
      Cartels/members/groups be the front men for what he wants from
      Abuela.

      -They do his bidding, harass her on her journey, make her
      miserable, but make sure she gets to him.

      3.) How
      can they cover it up?

      – Make
      it look like Abuela is just bumping into the general ‘Cartels’ Goals
      and Plans, not Enrique’s personal ones.

      -Let
      Abuela keep thinking Enrique is dead

      – Enrique has created an entirely new identity with the Cartel. He keeps (and
      has kept) his real Identity hidden from everyone for years .

      4.
      Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible:

      NOTE:
      Even though they work together and overlap, the Cartel’s Plans are
      often Overt and in plain sight. Enrique’s plans are the Secret that
      creates the Mystery.

      – Create
      a harassment situation of her Granddaughter so that Abuela will give
      in to take her family North. (Enrique’s Plan)

      – When
      Abuela and her two Grandchildren show up at the Cartel meeting
      point, they tell her that she only has enough passage for two. They
      will take the children under Cartel care. (Enrique’s Plan) When
      Abuela tries to fight them and take back the children, they knock
      her out with the butt of a gun.

      – The
      Cartel take her Grandchildren, (Enrique’s Plan) The Cartel
      Soldier in charge, who she scratched in the struggle, decides to abuse
      her for fun while she’s unconscious. Abuela wakes when he starts to
      rape her and fights, killing the Cartel Soldier.

      – The
      Local Cartel Honcho, whose son was the Cartel Soldier she killed,
      vows revenge – swearing to find Abuela and kill her- despite what
      “El
      Jefe” (the
      ‘Big Boss’) says. (Local Cartel Plan/Complication)

      -The
      Cartel Honcho pursues Abuela, and enlists other Cartel Sicario
      friends to help him. (Cartel Plan)

      – Enrique buys out someone on the local Cartel Honcho’s crew, and has the
      Honcho killed just before he can kill Abuela. (Enrique’s Plan)

      – If
      they are not already on his payroll, Enrico buys spies along the way
      at NGO’s, Government Offices, Cartel groups etc. (Enrique’s Plan)

      – Enrique has Abuelo’s Grandchildren brought to him. (Enrique’s Plan. They are his
      Grandchildren as well.)

      – He sends leads/clues through the NGO’s to
      send Abuela in another direction. (Enrique’s Plan)

      – Enrique ingratiates
      himself with his Grandchildren (Enrique’s Plan)

      – Enrique has his people plant clues for Abuela to follow that finally lead to
      him- and their Grandchildren. (Enrique’s Plan)

      – Enrico
      confronts Abuela. (Enrique’s Plan)

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou. Reason: Unwanted font characters
      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou.
    9. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 29, 2023 at 9:21 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

      Maureen’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this Assignment is that listing out the likability, relatability and empathy for each main character stimulates the mind into tapping in, deepening the instances of these traits that you have, and creating more instances.

      State: I
      have fun…

      Activity: …making
      my characters likable, relatable, and empathetic!

      Film: The Sovereignty Code.

      DANIEL: PROTAGONIST

      Likability:

      ACT
      1: As he hacks into computers and cameras, he sees people in
      need or in danger and finds inventive ways to help them from his
      keyboard. Possible Example: There is a female jogger who
      Daniel likes and ‘follows’ online. He likes to think that he
      is watching over her on her jogs. When he sees she
      is about to be mugged by thugs waiting on her usual path, he hacks
      into a nearby Male Athlete’s phone and talks him into warning her
      from going down that path. OR Hacks into her heart rate
      monitor and makes her heart-rate soar, so she doesn’t take the
      steep path.

      MIDPOINT:
      Daniel tries to save the Rookie Cop, putting his own life in
      greater danger.

      THROUGHOUT
      THE FILM: Despite the grave danger he is in, Daniel is always
      aware that innocent bystanders could be hurt, and avoids that
      possibility vigilantly. Is he completely successful?
      Does anyone else get hurt? Die? How does Daniel
      respond?

      Relatability:
      In the above ACT 1 example, he’s jealous when the Athlete gets the
      jogger woman’s gratitude, and they exchange numbers.

      Empathy:
      As soon as Daniel witnesses the Reboot murder, his distressful
      situation causes us to have empathy for him. This becomes even
      more intense when he has to leave the safety of his bunker, and go
      on the run from Reboot, and accelerates from there.

      In
      the ACT 1 Likability example above with the jogger, we empathize
      with his distress in trying to save her from a mugging, then with
      his distress that he sent her into the Athlete’s arms, then with his
      genuine caring about her when he tells himself ‘ Don’t be like
      that, Danny. At least she’s ok.”

      In
      the MIDPOINT example above, We empathize with Daniel’s distress at
      being cornered and in danger of being killed. Then again when
      he becomes concerned for the Rooky cop and risks his own safety to
      try to save him, and then the additional distress of seeing
      that the Rookie is killed despite his effort, followed by
      intense fear of what is going to happen to Daniel now if the FBI
      Goon gets to the gun before he does.

      JOHANNA:
      ANTAGONIST:

      Likability: Johanna
      is a horsewoman. Loves her horses. Great rider.

      Relatability: Johanna
      works hard on her marriage, as well as her passion for her work.
      (Nuclear Fission. ) She believes her work will save the world some
      day.

      Empathy:
      She and Gideon lost their young son years ago. She holds her
      grief back, and resents Daniel, because she believes Gideon is
      trying to use him to replace their son. Unknown to Gideon,
      every year on the anniversary of their son’s death, she drives
      hundreds of miles and spends the day on the beach where they
      had shared their best times as a family.

      GIDEON
      – MENTOR / RED HERRING CHARACTER

      Likability:
      Gideon genuinely cares for Daniel, and has always tried to help him.
      / Even though he was part of Reboot, he realizes their dark
      intentions and has been working against them.

      Relatability:
      Gideon feels torn between his love for his wife, and his growing
      fear of what she and Reboot are trying to do.

      Empathy:
      Loss of his son at a young age. Daniel’s betrayal, which was that when
      Daniel’s Mother falsely accused Gideon of seducing Daniel, Daniel
      was too afraid of his Mother to speak up and tell the truth – that nothing like
      that ever happened. Gideon was cleared, but Daniel was never
      able to face him again- until now.

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou. Reason: Unwanted font characters
      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou.
    10. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 26, 2023 at 9:34 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

      I, Maureen Tilyou, agree to the terms of the Release Form below.

      GROUP RELEASE FORM

      As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

      1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

      2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

      I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

      3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

      4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

      5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

      6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

      This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    11. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 26, 2023 at 3:04 pm in reply to: Lesson 3

      Maureen’s Intriguing World and Characters for ABUELO

      What I learned doing this assignment is
      that it doesn’t matter if I’m drawing a blank (or 10). Do the
      Assignment, Work the Process– it will come.

      CONCEPT: A Colombian Abuela
      (Grandmother) travels north
      on foot through some of the most dangerous terrain, pursued by
      ruthless killers, on a mission to save her 12 year old Granddaughter
      and 8 year old Grandson from the Cartels.

      Big Mystery: Where are Abuela’s
      Grandchildren and who has them?

      Big Intrigue: The covert plan of the
      Cartels, and those who work with them, to traffic men, women and
      children from South America and elsewhere, to make money by any means
      available.

      The Big Suspense: Will Abuela find her
      Grandchildren and save them, or will she be killed by the Cartels?

      Intriguing
      World:

      The
      world of Cartel Trafficking of human beings, the people who help
      them, and the people who are exploited by them, from the Point of
      View of a woman trying to take back her grandchildren from them.

      Roles:

      Character: Abuela (Lucretia) (Protagonist)

      A. What is the mystery of this character?

      Will Abuela find the
      inner strength and strategic agility to take back her Grandchildren
      from the Cartel? Related– a mystery from Abuelo’s past as a
      teenager that develops over the course of the story.

      B. What is the suspense of this character?

      Will Abuela be killed by
      the Cartel?

      C. What is the intrigue of this character?

      Abuela constantly
      surprises us in her ability to use whatever resources she finds to
      out-wit and out-maneuver the ruthless, organized thugs we don’t
      think she has a chance against.

      Character: The Cartel – (Antagonist)

      A. What is the mystery of this character?

      What depths will they go
      to as a group? Can Individual Cartel members be swayed or bought
      off? How can they be defeated?

      B. What is the suspense of this character?

      How far will they go to
      stop Abuela?

      C. What is the intrigue of this character?

      They are relentless,
      powerful and seemingly unstoppable in their plan to make as much
      money as possible through human and drug trafficking. Their
      networks of co-conspirators and co-operating (albeit sometimes
      competing/fighting) Cartel Groups, is seemingly ubiquitous.

      Character: Enrico (Red Herring/Young Love Interest)

      A. What is the mystery of this character? Who is this Charismatic
      Young Man who taught 17 year old Lucretia (Abuelo) to fight and
      ‘think like a General’ during the revolution/insurgency in her birth
      country.

      B. What is the suspense of this character?

      Is Enrico dead? Will
      Abuelo meet him again? Can he help her?

      C. What is the intrigue of this character?

      Fearlessly committed and
      daring, he puts himself in explosive and dangerous situations for
      their Cause, making Young Lucretia fear for his life.

    12. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 11:49 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Maureen’s Big MIS for ABUELA

      What I learned doing this assignment is that the story that I had is waiting to be shaped, and this process shows me how to shape it.

      LOGLINE: Lucretia (Abuela) a Columbian Coffee Farmer heads north on foot pursued by ruthless killers, through some of the most dangerous terrain in the world, on a mission to save her 12 year old Granddaughter and 8 year old Grandson from the Cartels who took them.

      Unwitting But Resourceful Hero:
      Abuela knows the jungle, has natural smarts, cunning and
      determination, and a powerful driving force- her love for her
      grandchildren.


      Dangerous Villain:
      The Cartels at all levels along the way- from the thugs in her small
      town- to the regional soldier/sicarios, getting bigger as it goes up
      to the top honcho ‘Capos’ of networking groups of Cartels. The
      agencies and groups working with the cartels. Who can she trust
      along the way? Who have they paid off? (Note: I am trying to find
      one big Shot Antagonist to represent the whole, but have not yet discovered
      him or her.)

      High Stakes:
      Abuela’s Life and wellbeing. The lives and well-being of her Granddaughter and Grandson. The lives of
      people who help her. Other innocent lives disrupted by the cartels.

      Life and Death Situations:
      Pursued by the cartels and their goons, and ‘co-operating agencies’
      all along the way. After Abuela kills a cartel member early on in
      self defense, and they relentlessly hunt her all along the way. She
      also faces natural dangers, escalating at the greatest natural life
      and death challenge—navigating the Darien gap, where the bodies of
      those who didn’t make it lay abandoned.

      This Story is Thrilling Because:
      Abuela is a normal woman who is acting courageously in a situation
      we can all relate to. From the beginning we connect with her love
      for her Grandchildren, her concern for them, and her determination to
      do everything she is humanly capable of to find them and save them
      from the sure horror they will face if she cannot. As the stakes get
      bigger and bigger, we admire her and follow her into the belly of the
      beast. Ultimately, she has to use her smarts and outwit them in
      order to win.

      Big Mystery: Where are Abuela’s
      Grandchildren and who has them?

      Big Intrigue: The covert plan of the
      Cartels, and those who work with them, to traffic men, women and
      children from South American countries and elsewhere to make money in
      any way possible.

      The Big Suspense: Will Abuela find her
      Grandchildren and save them, or will she be killed by the Cartels?

    13. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 1:24 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

      I, Maureen Tilyou, agree to the terms of this release form.

      GROUP RELEASE FORM

      As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

      1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

      2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

      I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

      3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

      4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

      5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

      6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

      This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    14. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 24, 2023 at 5:49 pm in reply to: Lesson 3

      Maureen’s Subtext Characters

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this assignment: I thought that I had to take more time to get these answers, but when I went ahead and ‘Filled in the Blanks’, the answers were there 🙂

      1. Start this assignment by empowering yourself using our State-To-Activity empowerment process.

      State: I love discovering…

      Activity: …the subtext of my characters!

      2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

      Movie Title: The Fugitive

      Character Name: Richard Kimble

      Subtext Identity: Fugitive on the run trying to prove his innocence

      Subtext Trait: Concealing, Undercover, Strategic

      Subtext Logline: Richard Kimble is a fugitive on the run using undercover concealing strategies in order to stay safe while trying to prove his innocence.

      Possible Areas of Subtext: 1) Every time he comes into contact with people they could recognize him, so every conversation is fraught with danger. 2) In order to prove his innocence, he has to enter areas where he is in danger of being caught. 3) The subtext in one scene that is clear to us from his behavior, but we still can’t believe it until he does it- He’s rather JUMP than let them take him to prison and lose his chance to clear himself. Wow!

      3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

      Character Name: Daniel

      Subtext Identity: Psychologically damaged genius on the run, trying to expose one secret, while hiding other layers of secrets from himself and others.

      Subtext Trait: Secretive, Obsessive Control Compulsions, Undercover,

      Subtext Logline: Daniel is a Psychologically damaged genius who is forced out of his self created comfort zone where he controls everything- and out into the world where he controls nothing.

      Possible Areas of Subtext: Just trying to survive out in the world where his control is nil or limited. Desperately trying to regain control in this new circumstance while on the run from killers. In order to survive, he needs to ACT quickly, where he would previously game plan and weigh every decision. He is totally off kilter, but must step up to survive.

      Character Name: Gideon

      Subtext Identity: Layer 1: Member of Reboot :Layer 2: Spy and Advocate for Anti-Reboot group.

      Subtext Trait: Concealing, Secretive

      Subtext Logline: Gideon is a long time member of Reboot who is secretly working against them.

      Possible Areas of Subtext: In his dealings with everyone he knows, including Daniel, his wife, Johanna, other members of Reboot, etc.

      Character Name: Johanna

      Subtext Identity: Competitor and Con, Leading Member of Reboot.

      Subtext Trait: Manipulative, Devious, Treacherous

      Subtext Logline: Johanna is a leader in Reboot who manipulates and betrays everyone to further Reboot’s cause.

      Possible Areas of Subtext: Her dealings with husband Gideon, Daniel, and everyone else not on board with Reboot. When trying to protect Gideon, she lies to other Reboot members.

    15. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 23, 2023 at 6:06 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Maureen’s Thriller Conventions for ‘The Fugitive’

      What I learned doing this assignment is a really great film has it’s way with you every time you watch it. This is no accident. A good thriller is a carefully planned and executed attack on the audiences’ sensibilities- and the knowledge iof ow that breaks down is exciting in itself!

      Film: THE FUGITIVE

      Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Richard Kimble, a Doctor condemned to death for murdering his wife, on the run to prove his innocence.

      Dangerous Villain: One armed Man and the Pharma conspiracy that he works for.

      High stakes: Kimble is relentlessly chased by US Marshall Lt Gerard and his team, he’s only just one step ahead of them, and if they catch him, he will go to prison and will be hanged- if they don’t kill him trying to escape. If the one armed man finds him, he will definitely try to kill him.

      Life and death situations: Fights with his wife’s killer/ Condemned to death in court/watches as other convicts on the bus execute an escape attempt/ Major bus crash/ A speeding train bears down on the crashed bus while Kimble rescues an unconscious man/ Crashing train chases him down the track/ Kimble jumps from an aqueduct into a river hundreds of feet below to avoid capture/Gerard is always snapping at his heels while Kimble tries to find the one armed man who killed his wife.

      This movie is thrilling because? It is absolutely the most relentless thriller I have ever seen. I have seen it maybe 12-13 times, and it still grabs on and doesn’t let go every time.

      3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

      Big Mystery: Who is the one armed man who killed Richard Kimble’s wife, and why did he do it?<div>

      Big Intrigue: The Plan of a Big Pharma Company to bring a new product to the market, and the lengths they are willing to go to to cover up the dangerous and lethal results during the testing period.

      Big Suspense: Will Gerard catch and capture – or kill- Richard Kimble before Richard has a chance to find the truth and clear his name.

      4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?

      The Fugitive is an amazing movie. As the audience, you are completely emotionally involved with Kimble’s journey to clear himself. As if that’s not enough, the sheer physical danger that relentlessly pounding this man endures is mind boggling. You can’t help but admire the phenomenal determination , morality and smarts Kimble exhibits as he eludes the truly maniacal and magnificent Gerard. I love this film!

      </div>

    16. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 23, 2023 at 1:52 pm in reply to: Lesson 4

      MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What
      I learned from this lesson is that what I would previously think about, and contemplate, and ponder for weeks and months, now comes forth almost miraculously quickly when the right prompts and questions are posed.


      Character Name: Daniel

      Role: Protagonist/Hero

      Hidden agendas: Daniel is investigating the Hidden
      Agenda of conspiracy group Reboot. Daniel has his own
      Hidden Agenda which he carries out in the end.

      Competition: Daniel is competitive. He competes
      online in Act 1. Daniel competes with Reboot to
      out-think and out maneuver them.

      Conspiracies: In Act 1, Daniel amuses himself by baiting
      conspirators in online chats, until he stumbles upon the dangerous
      conspiracy that is Reboot.

      Secrets: Daniel has Secrets that he doesn’t address, but that haunt him and color his choices and behavior. He is keeping the secret of Reboot- because who can he trust to tell?

      Deception: Daniel is on the run and deceives people in
      order to stay alive. He deceives himself that he can hide from
      the world.

      Unspoken Wound: His toxic relationship with his Mother. / His
      betrayal of Gideon/ Possibly his fear of Johanna because of a past
      event.

      Secret Identity: Pondering this. Does he have an internal Secret Hero
      Identity in the beginning? Or does he just grow into a hero in
      the end? Or both?

      Daniel’s subtext shows up as he hides from Reboot, and lies to people
      in order to stay alive. The fear he tries to hide is
      palpable. Subtext also comes out because he is paranoid so he
      watches everything with suspicion and trepidation. He’s obsessive
      so it drives him crazy when he can’t make little
      ‘adjustments’ to his environment because it might get him might get
      pinned. Trying to control that creates other behavior. Subtext shows up when he hides his real plans from
      Gideon, Johanna and others. Also with Gideon, and beforehand- his guilt over his betrayal of Gideon lives deep in him.

      Character Name: Gideon

      Role: Mentor-Support Character / Red Herring

      Hidden agendas: Do not let Reboot succeed.

      Competition: With another Reboot big shot for Johanna

      Conspiracies: He is part of Reboot. He is also
      conspiring with another group to spy on Reboot and weaken them.

      Secrets: He knows about Reboot. He knows his wife
      is one of the leaders. He has kept himself involved with them,
      but is working against them in secret.

      Deception: Johanna believes that despite his
      reservations, that Gideon will side with Reboot in the end- and he lets
      her believe that.

      Unspoken Wound: Daniel’s betrayal./ His realization that his
      wife- whom he loves – is going to betray the world. /The loss of his son in the past.

      Secret Identity: Three layers of Secret Identity 1) He is a
      revered member of Reboot and is set to give their keynote speech
      before the ‘Vote’, 2) He has been working against Reboot for years,
      spying on them and trying to weaken them. 3) Protector of his wife:
      Gideon secretly believes that if he exposes Reboot before they
      create massive harm, he can save Johanna from paying a price.

      Gideon’s subtext shows up in all his relations with other people,
      including Daniel. He is almost always pretending to someone he isn’t. He pretends to have the opposite / different intentions from what he actually does
      have. Subtext also shows up with Daniel when he first tries to see
      Gideon, because he is wounded by Daniel’s betrayal.

      Character Name: Johanna
      Role: Antagonist/
      False Friend

      Hidden agendas: Help Reboot take over the Sovereignty of the
      World’s nations and consolidate power.

      Competition: With her husband (secretly)/ With Daniel

      Conspiracies: She is part of Reboot.

      Secrets: She doesn’t trust Gideon. She knows he
      has been working against Reboot, and, even though she loves him, she
      is committed to sacrificing him if she has to.

      Deception: Johanna pretends she is not aware of
      Gideon’s working against Reboot- which she considers a betrayal.
      Although Johanna wants Gideon to side with Reboot in the end,
      she doesn’t trust that he will, and is prepared to sacrifice him if
      she must

      Unspoken Wound: Her husband’s Nobel Prize./ Her own working
      class background/ Loss of her father’s love/ Her husband’s betrayal
      of Reboot./ Jealousy about Gideon’s affection for Daniel

      Secret Identity: A Top Honcho for Reboot.

      Johanna’s subtext shows up all the time because she is involved in
      a major conspiracy that she has to hide from most people- even some
      of the other people who work for Reboot. Since Reboot works in
      ‘blocks’ not all of it’s members know the other ‘blocks’. At
      Joanna’s level, she knows everyone’s Reboot identity, so she is
      almost constantly performing at some level. Subtext shows up for
      Johanna with Gideon, because she knows of his ‘betrayal’ of Reboot, but
      pretends not to and hopes he will come around. She is ashamed of her
      background and upbringing, so she takes on a different persona, and
      pretends her upbringing doesn’t exist. She pretends to be a friend
      to Daniel, when we know she harbors resentment and jealousy towards
      him.

    17. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 22, 2023 at 7:36 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      <font color=”#0000ff”><font face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”><font size=”2″>MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!
      </font></font></font>

      <font color=”#222222″><font face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”><font size=”3″><font color=”#000000″>What
      I learned from this lesson is no matter how many times you see a great film, there is always something more to learn, and it is possible to be totally caught up in it’s grip as if you’d never seen it before. Pretty amazing!</font>
      </font></font></font>

      Movie Title: The Fugitive
      Lead Character Name: Dr. Richard Kimble

      1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

      He’s going through hell continually, from his wife’s murder to his conviction and death sentence, to the bus crash and train wreak, etc, etc –and he still fights on. This is the role of a lifetime!

      2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

      His relentless pursuit of the truth behind is wife’s death.

      3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

      – Faced with an oncoming train, choosing to save a man’s life before jumping out of the bus

      – Jumping off a ridiculously high viaduct.

      – All instances of his going back to Chicago places to investigate, putting himself in danger.

      4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

      Introduced in a riveting series of scenes that lay out his wife’s murder, his trying to save her, his arrest, conviction and death sentence, The way it’s filmed, it feels like you are in his nightmare.

      5. What is this character’s emotional range?

      The Full Range. From grief at his wife’s death, to anger when they accuse him, to fear when they convict him, and then more intense fear on the bus watcing the other convicts getting up to something, then and oncoming train and other dangerous situations, to determination, desperation, disappointment with is best friend (and traitor) etc, etc, etc All nuanced and compelling.

      6. What subtext can the actor play?

      Subtext throughout. Meeting Dr Lentz in the beginning, being put in leg irons, on the bus with the other convicts, then constantly pretending to be someone else, his inner life is fully on display for audience pleasure.

      7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

      Definitely with Gerard.

      8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

      He doesn’t talk a lot, but his words are precise, meaningful. He engages with the world as it comes to him-and with just what is needed- no more- in both actions and words.

      9. What makes this character special and unique?

      He is incredibly moral- and as relentless in his need to prove his innocence and find the truth as Gerard is in trying to catch him.

      10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

      The scene with Gerard where he tells him he didn’t kill his wife, Gerard says he doesn’t care, and Kimble jumps.

      Movie Title: The Fugitive

      Lead Character Name: Lt. Gerard

      1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

      Gerard is smart, funny, relentless, ruthlessly moral and scorchingly sarcastic. He has interesting relationships with his crew including snappy repartee that conjures up the timing of a 1930’s comedy. Did I mention that he’s incredibly charismatic? And keeps our hero on massively full alert with his never-let-up pursuit.

      2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

      All of the above, especially his wit and relentless pursuit of Kimble.

      3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

      -He tells a man pointing a loaded gun at him that he doesn’t care if he’s guilty of killing his wife or not, he’s still taking him in.

      -He shoots a perp who is holding a weapon to his team member’s throat

      – He starts following Kimble’s search for the one armed man in order to catch Kimble, and he ends up investigating to find the truth for himself.

      4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

      At the site of the train wreak, making te poor cops look stupid, sarcasm on full display, taking over the investigation, and laying out in vivid detail exactly how f—d Kimble is with his brilliant ‘every outhouse, doghouse, etc ” speech.

      5. What is this character’s emotional range?

      Gerard is an interesting character in that he is like a strategic machine that shuts out anything that gets in the way of his goal- which is catching his ‘prey.’ Within that mercurial emotions fly through this guy.-most in service of his almost lusty enjoyment of the chase, but also in his slow build to grasping Kimble’s innocence- which is somewhat of a challenge to his worldview.

      6. What subtext can the actor play?

      The wheels are always turning in Gerard’s head. The audience can just about watch them spin. I think a lot of that is subtext about what Kimble is up to and why. He starts to admire Kimble as an equal – something he’s not used to.

      7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

      With Richard Kimble

      8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

      He takes over and commands the stage- always- through the force of his personality. His speech is right in line with that. It’s precise, exacting, sarcastic, and gets the job done- like the man himself.

      9. What makes this character special and unique?

      I’m tempted to say Tommy Lee Jones, and that’s true, but it goes both ways. Tommy Lee makes himself one with the character traits mentioned above, plus more, creates one unforgettable character on film, and wins himself an Oscar.

      10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

      Gerard’s intro– The investigating the train wreak scene

    18. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 17, 2023 at 8:58 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this assignment is how a truly amazing film can grab you and keep you on te edge of your seat, even if you’ve seen it 10-15 times. I didn’t tink I really wanted to watch it again, but Wow! I’m glad I did.

      Movie Title: The Fugitive

      Lead Character Name: Richard Kimble


      Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

      He’s
      going through hell continually, from his wife’s murder to his
      conviction and death sentence, to the bus crash and train wreak,
      etc, etc –and he still fights on. This is the role of a lifetime!

      What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in
      the movie?

      His relentless pursuit of the truth behind his wife’s death.

      What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

      – Faced
      with an oncoming train, choosing to sae another man’s life before he
      jumps out of the bus himself.

      – Jumping
      off a ridiculously high Viaduct

      – All
      instances of him investigating in Chicago, and continuously putting
      himself in danger to get to the truth.


      How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

      Introduced in a riveting montage of scenes that lay out his wife’s
      murder, his arrest, conviction and death sentence. The way it’s
      filmed, it feels like you are in his nightmare.


      What is this character’s emotional range?

      From grief at his wife’s death, to anger when they accuse him, to
      fear when they convict him, to even more intense fear on the bus with
      the train bearing down on them, to determination, to desperation, to
      disappointment and anger at his best friend who betrayed him, etc,
      etc, etc. All nuanced and compelling.

      What subtext can the actor play? Subtext throughout. From meeting
      Dr Lentz, who hasn’t been returning his calls in the beginning, to
      being put in leg irons, to being on the bus watching the other
      inmates’ little plan unfold, then constantly pretending to be
      someone else- his inner subtext is shown to us over and over.

      What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

      Definitely with Gerard.

      How is this character’s unique voice presented?

      He doesn’t talk a lot but his words are precise, meaningful. He
      engages with the world as it comes to him- with just what is
      needed- no more- in both actions and words.


      What makes this character special and unique?

      Kimble is incredibly moral- and he’s as relentless in
      his need to prove his innocence and find the truth as Gerard is in
      trying to catch him. Through it all, you can see and hear his intense discomfort, but his words and actions remain precise and decisive.

      (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the
      Actor Attractor model.)

      The
      scene with Gerard where Kimble tells him he didn’t kill his wife,
      and Gerard says he doesn’t care, and Kimble jumps into the river
      from a deadly height.

      One
      more thing– In case you haven’t guessed– I truly LOVE this movie!

    19. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 14, 2023 at 6:28 pm in reply to: Lesson 6

      Maureen’s Genre Layering

      MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What
      I learned doing this assignment is how difficult it can be to keep it simple when ideas are flying through your head. I see the importance of it, but it was tough. I did the best I could while still trying to lay in as much genre convention as possible. It seemed as if the genre was all in the details, so I tried to balance that with keeping it to a minimum.

      Title: The
      Sovereignty Code

      Concept: A
      psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking and
      stumbles upon a plot to trick the
      nations of the world into giving up their sovereignty.

      Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller

      PURPOSE:
      Thrill
      with high stakes/plot twists/suspense/adrenalin packed
      climax.

      LIFE
      AND DEATH SITUATIONS.
      Danger
      at every step — physical, emotional, or mental. Hero always in
      danger or under threat of future danger.

      MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE:
      Mystery must be solved
      to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
      Suspense from the danger the Hero faces.

      HERO:
      Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

      VILLAIN:
      Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy

      MAIN
      EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,uncertainty,
      surprise

      Act 1:

      Opening:
      Establish
      Daniel in impenetrable ‘Safe Cave’ Bunker. No face to face contact w
      outside world. Covid precautions gone overboard. Compulsion, Paranoia & Confusion. Takes Anxiety pills. Finds escape and
      amusement in unique AI/VR world he created a new transformational
      code for, which allows him to spy on people.

      Using
      his New Code, Daniel sneaks into to a Elite VR Spiritual Retreat
      Space called ‘Reboot’ and quickly figures out that it is a Conspiracy Group’s Space
      masquerading as a Retreat Space. Daniel is intrigued. ‘Reboot’ becomes his new amusing obsession.

      Inciting
      Incident: While spying on ‘Reboot’,
      Daniel witnesses the murder of a member threatening to blow the
      whistle on their plan.

      Freaked
      out, Daniel compulsively investigates ‘Reboot’, trying to find out
      who they really are and what is the ‘Plan’ they keep talking about
      in their space. All the while, Daniel keeps one step ahead of
      Reboot’s counter-intelligence coding. They have copped on that
      someone is spying on them, and they are looking for him.

      Turning
      Point:
      “Reboot’ locks onto Daniel’s physical position. Daniel sees they
      have found him. He has to leave his Bunker. Out of a pure survival
      instinct, he wills his ‘hesitancy impulse’ to stand down, grabs his
      most important gear, and escapes.

      Act 2:

      New plan:
      Find another safe space and stay alive.

      Plan in action:
      Not only on the run, but also tortured with anxiety and disoriented
      after leaving his bunker for the first time in 4 years, Daniel
      struggles to cope, going back to his old haunts to find a safe space
      to be while he figures out what the hell is going on and what to do
      about it. Reboot
      Goons are waiting for him wherever he goes. Daniel keeps managing to
      slip away by hacking on the fly into systems that they are using,
      seeing how they are tracking him, and shutting off their
      surveillance piece by piece. He finally finds safety in an old clock
      shop he has keys for, but no online connection to. While there, he
      figures out what Reboot wants- to manipulate the Sovereignty Vote.

      Midpoint:
      2d Turning Point Daniel goes
      to FBI Headquarters to tell them about Reboot. While
      waiting with a Rooky Agent for a Detective to arrive, Daniel
      sees the Reboot Goons who were after him. They are FBI agents!
      Daniel sneaks out, but not before FBI spot him and chase him. Using
      all his wits and skills, he sends them in the wrong direction. The Rooky Agent corners Daniel in an alley and calls for help. The
      Goon Agents shows up and also holds his gun on Daniel. He commends
      the Young Cop then shifts his aim to shoot him, but Daniel knocks
      him off target. The stunned Rooky fires back at the Goon. The Rooky
      is killed. The Goon, wounded, drops his gun. Panicked and shaking,
      Daniel grabs the gun and runs out of the alley.

      Act
      3:

      Rethink
      Everything:
      The News that night
      carries the story of a cop killed by a psychotic escapee- with
      Daniel’s photo. Daniel sleeps on the street, scared out of his mind
      and struggling to come to terms with the breadth of this conspiracy. He needs to clean up his act for real now, if he wants to survive.

      New
      plan:
      Seek the help of the only person he trusts, his
      old Physics Professor, Gideon. But before he can approach
      Gideon, he has to come to terms with his past betrayal of
      his Professor, in preparation to face Gideon.

      A
      Reboot Goon FBI Agent visits Gideon, asking about Daniel. Gideon
      tells them that they had a falling out and he hasn’t seen Daniel in
      over 5 yrs. Gideon’s wife, Johanna bluntly tells the agents she and
      Gideon would both be happy to turn in that little bastard if he
      shows up.

      Daniel
      follows Gideon home and knocks on the outside study door. Gideon
      opens it. Says nothing. Breaking down, Daniel apologizes. Gideon
      lets him in, then looks down at the FBI card on the table. He slips
      it in the drawer. Johanna arrives home and calls out to Gideon.
      Gideon tells Daniel to stay put and be quiet, and steers Johanna
      away.

      When
      Gideon comes back, Daniel
      tells Gideon everything. Gideon knows some of the players Daniel mentions from his
      investigations, and they follow some clues together, finding more
      answers and brainstorming what they can do about Reboot.

      When
      Johanna goes out of town, Gideon and Daniel make a plan to
      use a very special University Science and Computer Center where his
      Johanna has her lab, and Gideon knows a few
      people there that can help them expose Reboot.

      Turning Point 3:
      Huge failure / Major shift:
      Working at the
      massively advanced Computer Center, Daniel figures out the last
      pieces of the mystery puzzle of how Reboot is going to manipulate
      the vote. At the next moment, he realizes that this Computer Center
      is the heart of Reboot. Johanna comes in and comments that his Code
      found those hidden files faster than she thought it would. Believing Gideon has betrayed and lied
      to him, a dejected Daniels lets Johanna talk him intojoining Reboot, and sharing his Code.

      Act 4:

      Climax/Ultimate
      	expression of the conflict.  The stage is set for Nations' Heads of State to vote on giving up sovereignty to a new
      	World Body.  Reboot is confident of the
      	outcome. But before the vote can take place,
      	Daniel fights his way up on the stage of the arena, and exposes the
      	Reboot Plot as the whole world watches. A Reboot sniper shoots him,
      	wounding him, but he continues, proving his case to both the Voting
      	Heads of State in the room, and the people of the world watching on
      

      the media of their various sovereign nations.

      Resolution: 
      	The Anti-Sovereignty Resolution is defeated. Daniel also planted a
      	whistle-blower code set to go to every newsroom on the planet and
      simultaneously, full
      	hardcopy evidence of the Reboot Plot and everyone who was a
      	part of it-- from within their own framework. Reboot
      	members are arrested or go into hiding, and investigations of
      	collaborators go forward worldwide. Daniel celebrates with Gidean
      	and other friends, confident and
      	unafraid, proud of what he accomplished, and ready for a new life.
    20. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 11, 2023 at 11:23 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

      Maureen’s 4 Act
      Transformational Structure

      MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What
      I learned doing this assignment is with the right stimulus and
      guidance, ideas come together so much more quickly. Putting together
      a Structure plan usually takes me several weeks, and is much more
      basic and plot focused. This transformation method is so much more
      satisfying because you are under the protagonist’s skin the whole
      way.


      Concept:
      A
      psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking and
      stumbles upon a plot to trick the
      nations of the world into giving up their sovereignty.

      Main
      Conflict: Brilliant but Psychologically
      damaged hacker vrs Ubiquitous Global Coalition of conspirators
      controlling most AI.

      Old
      Ways

      Fearful/Paranoid

      Scattered
      Thinking

      Morally confused

      Dependence on
      Anti-Anxiety Drugs

      Hiding out/
      Escaping

      New Ways

      Determined

      Confident

      Mind open to
      brilliant targeted thinking

      Off the drugs

      Brave
      and unbending for his cause

      Act 1:

      Opening:
      Establish
      Daniel in impenetrable ‘Safe Cave’ Bunker. No contact w outside
      world. Covid precautions gone overboard.
      Paranoia & confusion. Takes Anxiety pills. Finds escape and
      amusement in unique AI/VR world he created a new transformational
      code for, which allows him to spy on people.

      Inciting
      Incident: While spying on a VR Conspiracy Space called
      ‘Reboot’, Daniel witnesses the murder of a member threatening to
      blow the whistle on their plan.

      Turning
      Point:
      “Reboot’ locks onto Daniel’s physical position. Daniel sees they
      have found him. He has to leave his Bunker. Out of a pure survival
      instinct, he wills his ‘hesitancy impulse’ to stand down, grabs his
      most important gear, and escapes.

      Act 2:

      New plan: Find
      another safe space and stay alive.

      Plan in action:
      Not only on the run, but also tortured with anxiety and disoriented
      after leaving his bunker for the first time in 4 years, Daniel
      struggles to cope, going back to his old haunts to find a safe space
      to be while he figures out what the hell is going on and what to do
      about it.

      Midpoint Turning
      Point: Daniel goes to FBI Headquarters to tell them about Reboot.
      While there he sees the Reboot Goons who were after him. They are
      FBI agents! Daniel manages to sneak out, but not before they spot
      him.

      Act 3:

      Rethink everything:
      After an FBI pursuit, where he just makes it to safety, Daniel has
      to come to terms with the fact that this conspiracy is much bigger
      than he thought- and he is in even greater danger. He needs to
      clean up his act for real now, if he wants to survive.

      New plan: Daniel
      seeks the help of the only person he trusts- his old Physics
      Professor, Gideon. Before he can approach Gideon, he has to come to
      terms with and apologize for a past betrayal of his professor.
      Daniel confronts his feelings and apologizes to Gideon. Daniel
      tells Gideon everything, and they make a plan to use a very special
      Science and Computer Center where his Gideon’s wife has her lab, and
      have the people there help them expose Reboot.

      Turning Point: Huge
      failure / Major shift: Daniel experiences a Major Betrayal that
      threatens the goal. Not sure who betrays him yet, but they talk a
      dejected Daniel into joining Reboot, and letting them use his Code.

      Act 4:

      Climax/Ultimate
      expression of the conflict. The stage is set for Nations to vote on
      giving sovereignty to a new World Body. The people of the world are
      at odds, Nations debate, but Reboot is confident of the outcome.
      Their plans are more likely than ever to succeed now because
      Daniel is working with them, and they are using Daniel’s Code.
      Daniel watches the Heads of State gathering, then leaves the data
      center, his work done.

      Resolution: The
      vote takes place– but the resolution doesn’t pass. Daniel embedded
      code into the Reboot platform that rendered it useless. He also
      planted a whistle-blower code set to go to every newsroom on the
      planet and expose the Reboot Plot and everyone who was a part of
      it– from within their own framework. On a street somewhere,
      Daniel sees the news. Confident and unafraid, proud of what he
      accomplished, he walks away and into a new life.

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou. Reason: Unwanted font characters
    21. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 11:58 pm in reply to: Lesson 4

      Maureen’s Subtext Plots.

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of the choices for Subtext Plots seemed relevant to my story, so I had to really think about which two had the most apparent potential to create subtext throughout the story.

      Concept: When a psychologically damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking & stumbles upon a plot to trick the nations of the world into giving up their sovereignty, he pushes himself to embark on the impossible– to somehow warn a world where no one can be trusted, while an omnipresent network of AI hunts him down.

      I’m choosing ‘Layering’ and ‘Fish out of Water’ as my Subtext Plots,

      I chose ‘Layering’ because it allows for the opportunity to have subtext meaning revealed later in the script, and that fits the type of story. Since this is a story involving a Secret Plot with hidden elements and alliances to be revealed later in the script, a Layering Subtext Plot will help me develop that underbelly and hopefully intrigue the audience with hints that will only be fully realized toward the end.

      I am choosing ‘Fish Out of Water’ because Daniel is and has always been an outsider who people have reactions to that they tend to hide. He is a genius with psychological issues that make people uncomfortable. Some people think he’s dangerous, but when he is brought in, they have to work with him because it is clear that his contribution is enormous. There is also a layer of subterfuge here that will be covered up by the ‘Fish Out of Water’ reactions, until it becomes clear (Layering) that it was something other than what it appeared.

    22. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 11:47 pm in reply to: Lesson 3

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!


      What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly and simply the shape of a story can take form this way.


      Daniel’s Transformational Journey

      Arc Beginning: Hiding from Life. Confused, Paranoid & Reclusive Hacker

      Arc Ending: Confident Scientist who blocks the mind chips and saves the people of the World

      3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.

      Internal Journey: From terrified and confused to confident, determined and brave.

      External Journey: From a 20 something year old recluse hiding from the world, to the brilliant scientist-hacker who averts a disaster for mankind.

      4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.

      Old Ways: Fearful, Subject to bouts of scattered thinking, Hiding out, Escaping

      New Ways Determined, Confident, Mind open to brilliant, targeted thinking, Brave and unbending for his cause

    23. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 7:56 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Maureen’s Intentional Lead Characters.

      MY
      VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process,
      I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of
      love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What
      I learned doing this assignment is I need to overcome a little fear
      that my characters may be wrong if I don’t let them come out through the writing.
      My fear and I are now jumping into this process. 😉

      Character:
      Daniel

      Logline:
      Daniel is brilliant hacker, but also a compulsive, paranoid recluse who is forced out of his ‘safe cave’ only when he discovers a hidden plot to consolidate world power and trick nations into giving up their
      sovereignty.

      Unique:
      The tension between his intelligence and his emotional responses
      creates a unique way of looking at and confronting the of the world
      around him, including problem solving.

      Character:
      Gideon

      Logline:
      Gideon is a world renowned Quantum Physicist and Professor who was
      Daniel’s mentor in Quantum Mechanics. Loved Daniel like the son
      he never had, but may betray him.

      Unique:
      A down to earth academic and renaissance man who maintains a deep
      fascination with the universe and everything in it.

      Character:
      Johanna:

      Logline:
      Johanna is a Fusion Physicist married to Gideon, past professor to
      Daniel, jealous of Daniel’s relationship to Gideon.

      Unique:
      Brilliant, Complicated, Enigmatic, Powerful Woman. Where Gideon
      delights in the mysteries of the Universe, Johanna fears them and
      wants to control them.

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou. Reason: Unwanted font characters
      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou.
    24. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 7:11 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Maureen’s Title, Concept and Character Structure

      MY VISION: By nurturing fun and curiosity in the writing process, I will do my very best to create a successful writing career full of love, full of awe, full of productivity, and full of joy!

      What I learned doing this assignment is how nice and easy productive 1st steps can be.

      Title: The Supremacy Code

      Concept: When a psychologically
      damaged genius invents a new mode of hacking, and stumbles upon a
      plot to trick the nations of the world into giving up their
      sovereignty, he pushes himself to embark on the impossible– to somehow
      warn a world where no one can be trusted, while an omnipresent
      network of AI hunts him down.

      CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Maureen Tilyou. Reason: My Font codes were showing everywhere. Kind of distracting lol
    25. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      July 19, 2023 at 6:08 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

      I, Maureen Tilyou agree to the terms of this release form.

      GROUP RELEASE FORM

      As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

      1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

      2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

      I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

      3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

      4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

      5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

      6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

      This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    26. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 27, 2022 at 6:20 pm in reply to: Day 12 Assignment

      Maureen’s Challenging Situations

      What I’ve Learned that is improving my writing:

      I know this is long, but I really want to share how awesome this experience was for me. The script I am working on is an Action script, so I had already designed it to be choc-a-bloc full of life threatening, sometimes over-the-top obstacles, impediments and complications that seriously challenged the protagonist. So it was very hard for me, at first, to go through and find scenes without challenges. Instead of doing this exercise with another script that may be easier to use, I decided to go deeper, and find challenges to the aspects of character defined in this Lesson (Goals/Needs/Values/Wound/Physical) that I had not yet used within the scenes, or where I needed to find ways.to better embody in the script.

      I am working from a detailed treatment, turning it into a script. Scene A below is a scene that I was not at all confident about creating to script. I was completely avoiding it. That changed in doing the work of this Lesson 12 and also Lesson 11. I had already layered many of the critical elements into the treatment descriptively, but I still hadn’t resolved how to use them to give real life to the scene. That is sometimes a long struggle for me-which I had always kind of took for granted as just being part of the work. But when I focused on defining Characters Traits, Character Subtext and Challenging Situations, it was beyond amazing how it all suddenly sprung to life. All at once, I understood how these characters are talking and engaging with each other, and why. The inner lives of the characters are no longer descriptive states of being in my mind, they vibrate with life and are actively engaged with the world. I am in the middle of writing this scene, and now it’s a huge pleasure. I’m not struggling to figure out different points of view throughout the scene in order to get words on paper. Dialogue and active character responses are springing up fully formed from the traits, subtexts and challenging situations. This is truly, truly a game changer for me! Thank you!

      Scene 1:
      A. Current Scene Logline: After a near fatal disaster during the dive, Matt and Gordo take clients Dave and Abe to their favorite haunt for dinner and much needed drinks in order to escape their pent up stress.

      B. Essence: Matt needs to restabilize after his PTSD triggering actions to save Dave’s life.

      C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

      Hero-worship talk about his actions challenges his “forget the past’ GOAL, and his NEED to escape from the day, making him drink more ( PHYSICAL CHALLENGE); His VALUE of Disentanglement is challenged by his budding connection to Dave and Abe. His greater VALUES are challenged when they ask him to help them smuggle pot. His WOUND of managed PTSD continues to be challenged by Dave and Abe’s recounting of Matt’s life saving actions in the previous scene; his WOUND of his son’s death is challenged by the Filipino beggar kids who hang around the restaurant and play soccer outside. And yet Matt seeks out the kids’ company because Matt has learned to transform his pain through connection with them- especially one boy, Biyani. The boys help him find hope. Matt is PHYSICALLY challenged when he plays soccer against these kids with their boundless energy. I am using all these challenges in the scene.

      D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

      I am using the Challenges here to plumb aspects of the character and situation that I had not thought to challenge in this scene previously (GOAL-forget the past, VALUE- distanglement, WOUND- Brothers recounting PTSD triggering heroic story, PHYSICAL- out of shape-playing soccer with boys) as well as to add focus to the challenges that I already have in the scene (NEED- escape, VALUE- Not Smuggle Pot, PHYSICAL- drinking, WOUND – son’s death, relationship with Biyani),

      Scene 2:

      A. Current Scene Logline: After hours of relentless pursuit by both Filipino police and mystery operatives trying to kill him, fugitive Matt swims out of the water miles upriver from his previous escape, and seeks desperately needed sleep in a children’s playground.

      B. Essence: There is no real rest for Matt. He is being pursued by demons from without and within.

      C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

      — PHYSICAL Challenge: Matt who has been abusing his body with alcohol and lack of exercise, is exhausted to the point of near-drowning, but he has to wait in the water until the families leave the playground. Once that happens he has to drag himself to shore and safety.

      — GOAL and NEED Challenges:

      – Someone sees him in the water, challenging his GOAL of escape and his NEED to stay alive.

      – Someone catches a glimpse of Matt in the water, and he has to submerge.

      – A Policeman spots Man coming out of the water and gives chase.

      – A Search Heliocopter spots Matt in the water and calls it in, creating a massive convergence of forces on the scene

      – Terrorist infiltrators in the police send their assasins to get Matt before the police get there.

      I am combining and using the first 3 of the above challenges. The first 3 are already used in previoous scenes and don’t fit this scenes role in the script. The ‘Out of Shape’ challenge will continue to be a Challenge for Matt going forward, and will benefit from layering in this scene

      D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

      I am going to open the scene with Matt peeking through the reeds and other foliage, massively exhausted and struggling to stay afloat but close to slipping under water. Someone sees him, and he has to submerge. Will he come up? When he comes out of the water after the park is clear, his exhaustion and the lack of the physical conditioning he needs to survive needs to be palpable.

    27. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 22, 2022 at 1:11 pm in reply to: Day 11 Assignment

      Maureen’s Inherently Dramatic Characters:

      What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that by putting character traits and subtexts on paper and refining them in harmony with the essence and vision of the story and their roles in it, they come alive and begin to act and speak in much more real and satisfying ways.

      CHARACTER: MATT (MAIN CHARACTER)

      MATT BEFORE:

      Description: Bitter and Broken Ex-Navy Seal who dropped out of his American life after the death of his son and the break down of his marriage. Now captaining a small dive and salvage boat in the Philippines.

      Core Traits: Broken, Bitter, Resourceful, Loyal

      Main Subtext: Avoid emotional pain at all costs.

      MATT AFTER:

      Description: Bitter and Broken Ex-Pat, Ex-Navy Seal who dropped out of his life at home after the death of his son and the breakdown of his marriage, now captaining a small dive and salvage boat in the Philippines.

      Core Traits: Protective, Determined, Loyal, Resourceful, Brave, Wounded, Retaliatory.

      Subtext: Beneath an amiable ‘keep it light’ exterior, Matt vigilantly threat-assesses the world and the people around him.

      CHARACTER: ALYSSE (MATT’S ESTRANGED WIFE)

      ALYSSE BEFORE:

      Description: Attractive, practical wife and mother, angry with Matt because he let her down when she needed him.

      Core Traits: Protective, Disappointed, Judgemental, Angry

      Subtext: Make Matt hurt until he understands how he hurt me.

      ALYSSE AFTER:

      Description: Fiercely protective and caring mother who is deeply disappointed in the husband she loved, and blames him for not being strong enough to fix everything after they lost their son.

      Core Traits: Caring, Protective, Disappointed, Blaming, Reactive

      Subtext: She still loves Matt, but she must not let him see that.

      CHARACTER: GORDIE

      GORDIE BEFORE:

      Description: Fun-loving, pot smoking slob who works for Matt.

      Core Traits: Lazy, Indolent, Funny, Bumbling, Capable

      Subtext: None

      GORDIE AFTER:

      Description: Fun-loving wanderer with entertaining stories of his many adventures. Highly capable, yet bumbling, he works with Matt and keeps him laughing- which Matt needs and appreciates.

      Core Traits: Fun-loving, Escapist Adventurer, Indolent, Capable

      Subtext: Uses humor to manipulate situations and conversations away from anything uncomfortable or deep.

    28. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:24 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Maureen’s Rewritten Scene for Critique:

      Logline: Two Attorneys, Old friends, play cat and mouse when they find themselves on opposite sides of a case.

      Essence: A Man reminds an old friend of his true values.

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

      Well dressed and High Powered Attorney, JOHN KENT, sits alone pouring over court filings and other paperwork, making notes.

      INT. ADJOURNING ROOM

      NICK DICILLO, Prosecutor, on the other side of a one way glass, studies John closely.

      FOOTSTEPS approach. District Attorney, ALLEN CRENSHAW, stands slightly behind Nick and watches John through the glass.

      CRENSHAW

      This is a curve.

      NICK

      I can handle it.

      CRENSHAW

      Can you?

      NICK

      I know his weaknesses.

      CRENSHAW

      He knows yours.

      NICK

      Don’t even think about taking me off this case, Allen. Thanks to you, I’ve got too much at stake here.

      Crenshaw looks him over. Nods. Nick steps past him and into

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

      John looks up as the door opens and Nick walks in with a big smile, and makes a show of closing the curtain in front of the two way glass as he talks.

      NICK

      Well, well. Who have we here? The famous John Kent, Attorney at Law. Big fish parachuting once again into a small pond.

      JOHN

      It’s been a while, Nick. Are you just here to needle me, or is this your case?

      Nick shuts off the mic between the rooms.

      NICK

      You can cut the crap, Johnny. I think you know it’s my case.

      JOHN

      Guilty.

      NICK

      So why are you here?

      JOHN

      To defend my client.

      Nick sits down and crosses his arms, studying John.

      NICK

      Yeah, see that’s what I don’t get. ~Why this client? I don’t see anything in this for you.

      JOHN

      I have my reasons. Primary among them is that she’s innocent.

      Nick laughs.

      NICK

      Really? That must be a first for you. I mean, if it were true, which it’s not.

      John shrugs amicably.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. You’ve got nothing. Janet Maynard is a 60 year old woman trying to do her job. Look at your own State Laws. Nothing she’s done could even remotely be deemed wrongdoing.

      Nick picks up the charge documents with a calculated chuckle.

      NICK

      No wrongdoing, huh? Here are five felonies she’s committed ‘just doing her job.’ So says a Grand Jury.

      JOHN

      The Grand Jury was a lousy rubber stamp. You and Crenshaw set the bar so low they had no choice but to indict.

      NICK

      Sometimes that’s how it works, Councilor. Or have you forgotten?

      John studies Nick’s face, looking for something.

      JOHN

      I see you still haven’t.

      NICK

      Not likely.

      John shrugs.

      JOHN

      So, you’re right. I’ve used my share of dirty tricks. That was me. It was how I operated. And it cost me.

      (meeting Nick’s eyes)

      But it was never you.

      NICK

      Please spare me the pandering.

      JOHN

      What happened, Nick? Where did all those big ideals go? You and Alyssa were going to change the world.

      NICK

      The world didn’t want changing. And Alyssa… Lyssa went home to you every night, so…

      JOHN

      She left me eventually.

      NICK

      The scales pealed from her eyes, I guess.

      JOHN

      Yea. Mine too, ironically. I’m not built for relationships. I push people away.

      Beat. Nick loosens his tie.

      NICK

      Ok, this somewhat maudlin trip down Memory Lane isn’t getting us anywhere. My advice to you is to get on the next plane back to your cushy life. Believe me, this case isn’t going to go well for you or the defendant.

      JOHN

      You’ve already got it all tied up in a tidy bow, do you? Convenient.

      NICK

      I’m trying to do you a favor here, Johnny. This is a local issue. Leave it to us. It’s out of your wheelhouse.

      JOHN

      (ignoring him)

      You know, on the way over here I was thinking about the last time I was in town. We had lunch.

      NICK

      Can we just stick to the case?

      JOHN

      You were full of piss and vinegar that day. You bored me to tears about how you loved your job… Sure, about the bad guys you put away, but mostly you talked about the victims. Getting them justice. How that’s what made the job worthwhile.

      NICK

      It still is.

      JOHN

      Is it? You know what else I remember from that day? Crenshaw had been elected about 6 months before, and you were not happy. Something stunk, you said, and you were going to get to the bottom of it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Big talk. Nothing there.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. That stink didn’t just go away, did it?

      NICK

      Crickets. It was all in my head.

      JOHN

      Was it? Janet Maynard is an innocent woman. A brave woman. She smelled that same stink, and she did something about it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Something illegal. No one’s innocent these days, John. You know that as well as I do.

      JOHN

      No, Nick. I don’t. I think your brain has gotten muddied up. I think either you can’t see what’s right in front of your face, or you’re mixed up in it.

      Nick spins at John, enraged.

      NICK

      (yelling)

      WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE-

      (Tosses the chair between them across the room, moves closer)

      -COMING IN HERE LIKE SOME KIND OF MISGUIDED CRUSADER. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!

      The Court Guard comes in, concerned.

      NICK

      WE’RE FINE! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

      The guard exits. Nick struggles to collect himself.

      NICK

      What the hell are you trying to do?

      JOHN

      I’m trying to get justice for my client.

      NICK

      By implying corruption in the DA’s office? Not a good tactic.

      JOHN

      No. Not if I were appealing to a man like Crenshaw… But I’m not. I’m appealing to you.

      NICK

      To me?

      JOHN

      Yeah. Alysse called and asked me-

      Nick turns and glares at John.

      NICK

      You really are a slime! Dragging Lyssa into this just to get to me. ~

      John steps back and examines Nick’s face, seemingly stunned.

      JOHN

      You actually haven’t done your homework, have you? I didn’t have to drag Lyssie into this. She’s all in. That’s her Aunt your corrupt department is setting up.

      NICK

      What?

      JOHN

      Yeah. Her Aunt whose house she slept in as a kid, whose kids she played with, who she loves.

      (watching Nick closely)

      You know, she was so happy when she heard you were prosecuting this case.

      NICK

      Why?

      JOHN

      Look at it from her point of view. She loves you both. And she knows two things- her Aunt is innocent, and you are an honorable man who respects the truth.

      He picks up the overturned chair and sits in it.

      JOHN

      …Of course, she doesn’t know that things have changed for you. Does she?

      Nick turns away and looks out the window.

      JOHN

      Janet Maynard confided in Alyssa through it all. Lessie was her sounding board. She knows every step her Aunt took, and why.

      John gathers his things.

      JOHN

      There’s no doubt this is a political lynching, Nick. The only question is what are you going to do about it.

      The door opens and Crenshaw comes in.

      CRENSHAW

      What the hell’s going on here? The guard said there was trouble.

      JOHN

      We’re good, Mr District Attorney. We’re just finishing up.

      Crenshaw ignores John and addresses Nick, still at the window.

      CRENSHAW

      Nick? What’s going on?

      Nick turns from the window and moves to the table, without acknowledging Crenshaw. He pulls a piece of paper out of a pile, and writes something on it.

      CRENSHAW

      I’m talking to you, Nick. Have you got something to say to me?

      NICK

      Yes, I do. My friend, John, here, has brought me some clarity. This place stinks to high heaven and I need to get the whiff off me. So… I quit. Effective immediately.

      (handing the paper to John)

      Here. You’d better give this to him yourself.

      John looks down at the paper as Nick walks toward the door.

      JOHN

      It’ll be a pleasure.

      CRENSHAW

      You can’t quit.

      NICK

      Of course I can. I just did.

      John hands Crenshaw the paper.

      JOHN

      It appears I have a new witness for the defense.

      CRENSHAW

      (to Nick)

      You’ll loose your license over this. I’ll make sure of it. We’ll never let you testify.

      NICK

      Maybe, not, but we’ll have a good fight. Won’t we, John?

      JOHN

      Without a doubt, my friend. Without a doubt.

      They walk out together.

      Crenshaw stands stunned for a moment, then lets out a LONG EXPLETIVE OF PRIMAL RAGE.

    29. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:09 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Maureen’s Scene 2 Rewritten for Feedback:

      Logline: Two old friends play cat and mouse when they find themselves on opposite sides of a case.

      Essence: A Man reminds his friend of his true values.

      ——-

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

      Well dressed and High Powered Attorney, JOHN KENT, sits alone pouring over court filings and other paperwork, making notes.

      INT. ADJOURNING ROOM

      NICK DICILLO, Prosecutor, on the other side of a one way glass, studies John closely.

      FOOTSTEPS approach. District Attorney, ALLEN CRENSHAW, stands slightly behind Nick and watches John through the glass.

      CRENSHAW

      This is a curve.

      NICK

      I can handle it.

      CRENSHAW

      Can you?

      NICK

      I know his weaknesses.

      CRENSHAW

      He knows yours.

      NICK

      Don’t even think about taking me off this case, Allen. Thanks to you, I’ve got too much at stake here.

      Crenshaw looks him over. Nods. Nick steps past him and into

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

      John looks up as the door opens and Nick walks in with a big smile, and makes a show of closing the curtain in front of the two way glass as he talks.

      NICK

      Well, well. Who have we here? The famous John Kent, Attorney at Law. Big fish parachuting once again into a small pond.

      JOHN

      It’s been a while, Nick. Are you just here to needle me, or is this your case?

      Nick shuts off the mic between the rooms.

      NICK

      You can cut the crap, Johnny. I think you know it’s my case.

      JOHN

      Guilty.

      NICK

      So why are you here?

      JOHN

      To defend my client.

      Nick sits down and crosses his arms, studying John.

      NICK

      Yeah, see that’s what I don’t get. ~Why this client? I don’t see anything in this for you.

      JOHN

      I have my reasons. Primary among them is that she’s innocent.

      Nick laughs.

      NICK

      Really? That must be a first for you. I mean, if it were true, which it’s not.

      John shrugs amicably.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. You’ve got nothing. Janet Maynard is a 60 year old woman trying to do her job. Look at your own State Laws. Nothing she’s done could even remotely be deemed wrongdoing.

      Nick picks up the charge documents with a calculated chuckle.

      NICK

      No wrongdoing, huh? Here are five felonies she’s committed ‘just doing her job.’ So says a Grand Jury.

      JOHN

      The Grand Jury was a lousy rubber stamp. You and Crenshaw set the bar so low they had no choice but to indict.

      NICK

      Sometimes that’s how it works, Councilor. Or have you forgotten?

      John studies Nick’s face, looking for something.

      JOHN

      I see you still haven’t.

      NICK

      Not likely.

      John shrugs.

      JOHN

      So, you’re right. I’ve used my share of dirty tricks. That was me. It was how I operated. And it cost me.

      (meeting Nick’s eyes)

      But it was never you.

      NICK

      Please spare me the pandering.

      JOHN

      What happened, Nick? Where did all those big ideals go? You and Alyssa were going to change the world.

      NICK

      The world didn’t want changing. And Alyssa… Lyssa went home to you every night, so…

      JOHN

      She left me eventually.

      NICK

      The scales pealed from her eyes, I guess.

      JOHN

      Yea. Mine too, ironically. I’m not built for relationships. I push people away.

      Beat. Nick loosens his tie.

      NICK

      Ok, this somewhat maudlin trip down Memory Lane isn’t getting us anywhere. My advice to you is to get on the next plane back to your cushy life. Believe me, this case isn’t going to go well for you or the defendant.

      JOHN

      You’ve already got it all tied up in a tidy bow, do you? Convenient.

      NICK

      I’m trying to do you a favor here, Johnny. This is a local issue. Leave it to us. It’s out of your wheelhouse.

      JOHN

      (ignoring him)

      You know, on the way over here I was thinking about the last time I was in town. We had lunch.

      NICK

      Can we just stick to the case?

      JOHN

      You were full of piss and vinegar that day. You bored me to tears about how you loved your job… Sure, about the bad guys you put away, but mostly you talked about the victims. Getting them justice. How that’s what made the job worthwhile.

      NICK

      It still is.

      JOHN

      Is it? You know what else I remember from that day? Crenshaw had been elected about 6 months before, and you were not happy. Something stunk, you said, and you were going to get to the bottom of it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Big talk. Nothing there.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. That stink didn’t just go away, did it?

      NICK

      Crickets. It was all in my head.

      JOHN

      Was it? Janet Maynard is an innocent woman. A brave woman. She smelled that same stink, and she did something about it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Something illegal. No one’s innocent these days, John. You know that as well as I do.

      JOHN

      No, Nick. I don’t. I think your brain has gotten muddied up. I think either you can’t see what’s right in front of your face, or you’re mixed up in it.

      Nick spins at John, enraged.

      NICK

      (yelling)

      WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE-

      (Tosses the chair between them across the room, moves closer)

      -COMING IN HERE LIKE SOME KIND OF MISGUIDED CRUSADER. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!

      The Court Guard comes in, concerned.

      NICK

      WE’RE FINE! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

      The guard exits. Nick struggles to collect himself.

      NICK

      What the hell are you trying to do?

      JOHN

      I’m trying to get justice for my client.

      NICK

      By implying corruption in the DA’s office? Not a good tactic.

      JOHN

      No. Not if I were appealing to a man like Crenshaw… But I’m not. I’m appealing to you.

      NICK

      To me?

      JOHN

      Yeah. Alysse called and asked me-

      Nick turns and glares at John.

      NICK

      You really are a slime! Dragging Lyssa into this just to get to me. ~

      John steps back and examines Nick’s face, seemingly stunned.

      JOHN

      You actually haven’t done your homework, have you? I didn’t have to drag Lyssie into this. She’s all in. That’s her Aunt your corrupt department is setting up.

      NICK

      What?

      JOHN

      Yeah. Her Aunt whose house she slept in as a kid, whose kids she played with, who she loves.

      (watching Nick closely)

      You know, she was so happy when she heard you were prosecuting this case.

      NICK

      Why?

      JOHN

      Look at it from her point of view. She loves you both. And she knows two things- her Aunt is innocent, and you are an honorable man who respects the truth.

      He picks up the overturned chair and sits in it.

      JOHN

      …Of course, she doesn’t know that things have changed for you. Does she?

      Nick turns away and looks out the window.

      JOHN

      Janet Maynard confided in Alyssa through it all. Lessie was her sounding board. She knows every step her Aunt took, and why.

      John gathers his things.

      JOHN

      There’s no doubt this is a political lynching, Nick. The only question is what are you going to do about it.

      The door opens and Crenshaw comes in.

      CRENSHAW

      What the hell’s going on here? The guard said there was trouble.

      JOHN

      We’re good, Mr District Attorney. We’re just finishing up.

      Crenshaw ignores John and addresses Nick, still at the window.

      CRENSHAW

      Nick? What’s going on?

      Nick turns from the window and moves to the table, without acknowledging Crenshaw. He pulls a piece of paper out of a pile, and writes something on it.

      CRENSHAW

      I’m talking to you, Nick. Have you got something to say to me?

      NICK

      Yes, I do. My friend, John, here, has brought me some clarity. This place stinks to high heaven and I need to get the whiff off me. So… I quit. Effective immediately.

      (handing the paper to John)

      Here. You’d better give this to him yourself.

      John looks down at the paper as Nick walks toward the door.

      JOHN

      It’ll be a pleasure.

      CRENSHAW

      You can’t quit.

      NICK

      Of course I can. I just did.

      John hands Crenshaw the paper.

      JOHN

      It appears I have a new witness for the defense.

      CRENSHAW

      (to Nick)

      You’ll loose your license over this. I’ll make sure of it. We’ll never let you testify.

      NICK

      Maybe, not, but we’ll have a good fight. Won’t we, John?

      JOHN

      Without a doubt, my friend. Without a doubt.

      They walk out together.

      Crenshaw stands stunned for a moment, then lets out a LONG EXPLETIVE OF PRIMAL RAGE.

    30. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 13, 2022 at 12:45 am in reply to: Day 8 Assignment

      Maureen’s 2d QE Scne – FIrst Draft

      LOGLINE: Old Friends play cat and mouse as they find themselves pitted against each other as a legal case begins.

      ESSENCE: John pushes a compromised Nick to remember his true values.

      SCENE:

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

      Well dressed and High Powered Attorney, JOHN KENT, sits alone pouring over court filings and other paperwork, making notes.

      INT. ADJOINING ROOM- CONTINUOUS

      NICK DICILLO, Prosecutor, on the other side of a one way glass, studies John closely.

      FOOTSTEPS approach. District Attorney, ALLEN CRENSHAW, stands slightly behind Nick and watches John through the glass.

      CRENSHAW

      This is a curve.

      NICK

      I can handle it.

      CRENSHAW

      Can you?

      NICK

      I know his weaknesses.

      CRENSHAW

      He knows yours.

      NICK

      Don’t even think about taking me off this case, Allen. Thanks to you, I’ve got too much at stake here.

      Crenshaw looks him over. Nods. Nick steps past him and into

      INT. COURT INTERROGATION / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

      John looks up as the door opens and Nick walks in with a big smile.

      NICK

      Well, well. Who have we here?

      (Closing the curtain in front of the two way glass)

      The famous John Kent, Attorney at Law. Big fish parachuting once again into a small pond.

      JOHN

      It’s been a while, Nick. Are you just here to needle me, or is this your case?

      Nick shuts off the mic between the rooms.

      NICK

      You can cut the crap, Johnny. I think you know it’s my case.

      JOHN

      Guilty.

      NICK

      So why are you here?

      JOHN

      To defend my client.

      NICK

      Why this client?

      JOHN

      I have my reasons. Primary among them is that she’s innocent.

      NICK

      Really? That must be a first for you. I mean, if it were true, which it’s not.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. You’ve got nothing. Janet Maynard is a 60 year old woman trying to do her job. Look at your own State Laws. Nothing she’s done can even remotely be deemed wrongdoing.

      Nick picks up the charge documents.

      NICK

      No wrongdoing? There are five felonies she’s committed ‘just doing her job.’ So says a Grand Jury.

      JOHN

      The Grand Jury was a lousy rubber stamp. You and Crenshaw set the bar so low they had no choice but to indict.

      NICK

      Sometimes that’s how it works, Councilor. Or have you forgotten?

      JOHN

      Score one for the Prosecution. Ok. I’ve done my share of dirty tricks. That was me. And I paid for it. But it wasn’t you.

      NICK

      Please spare me the pandering.

      JOHN

      What happened, Nick? Where did all those big ideals go? You and Alyssa were going to change the world.

      NICK

      The world didn’t want changing. And Alyssa… Lyssa went home to you every night, so…

      JOHN

      She left me eventually.

      NICK

      The scales pealed from her eyes, I guess.

      JOHN

      Yea. Mine too, ironically. I’m not built for relationships. I push people away.

      Beat.

      NICK

      Ok, this somewhat maudlin trip down Memory Lane isn’t getting us anywhere. My advice to you is to get on the next plane back to your cushy life. Believe me, this case isn’t going to go well for you or the defendant.

      JOHN

      (ignoring him)

      You know, on the way over here I was thinking about the last time I was in town. We had lunch.

      NICK

      Can we just stick to the case?

      JOHN

      You were full of piss and vinegar that day. You bored me to tears about how you loved your job… Sure, about the bad guys you put away, but mostly you talked about the victims. Getting them justice. How that’s what made the job worthwhile.

      NICK

      It still is.

      JOHN

      You know what else I remember from that day? Crenshaw had been elected about 6 months before, and you were not happy. Something stunk, you said, and you were going to get to the bottom of it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Big talk. Nothing there.

      JOHN

      Come-on, Nick. That stink didn’t just go away, did it?

      NICK

      I was wrong. It was all in my head.

      JOHN

      Was it? Janet Maynard is an innocent woman. A brave woman. She smelled that same stink, and she did something about it.

      NICK

      Yeah. Something illegal. No one’s innocent these days, John. You know that as well as I do.

      JOHN

      No, Nick. I don’t. I think your brain has gotten muddied up. I think either you can’t see what’s right in front of your face, or you’re mixed up in it.

      Nick spins at John, enraged.

      NICK

      (yelling loudly)

      WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE-

      (kicks a chair over)

      -COMING IN HERE LIKE SOME KIND OF MISGUIDED CRUSADER-

      The Court Guard comes in, concerned.

      NICK

      WE’RE FINE! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

      The guard exits. Nick tries to collect himself.

      NICK

      What the hell are you trying to do?

      JOHN

      I’m trying to get justice for my client.

      NICK

      By implying corruption in the DA’s office? Not a good tactic.

      JOHN

      No. Not if I were appealing to Crenshaw… But I’m appealing to you.

      NICK

      To me?

      JOHN

      Yeah. Alysse called and asked me-

      Nick turns and glares at John.

      NICK

      You really are a slime! Dragging Lyssa into this just to get to me.

      John leans back in his seat, seemingly stunned.

      JOHN

      You really haven’t done your homework, have you? I didn’t have to drag Lyssie into this. She’s all in. That’s her Aunt your corrupt department is setting up.

      NICK

      What?

      JOHN

      Her Aunt whose house she slept in, whose kids she played with, who she loves.

      (watching Nick closely)

      You know, she was so happy when she heard you were prosecuting the case.

      NICK

      Why?

      JOHN

      Look at it from her point of view. She loves you both. And she knows two things- her Aunt is innocent, and you are an honorable man who respects the truth.

      He picks up the overturned chair and sits in it.

      JOHN

      …Of course, she doesn’t know that things have changed for you. Does she?

      Nick gets up and looks out the window.

      JOHN

      Janet Maynard confided in Alyssa through it all. Lessie was her sounding board. She knows every step her Aunt took, and why.

      John gathers his things.

      JOHN

      There’s no doubt this is a political lynching, Nick. The only question is what are you going to do about it.

      The door opens and Crenshaw comes in.

      CRENSHAW

      What the hell’s going on here? The guard said there was trouble.

      JOHN

      We’re good, Mr District Attorney. We’re just finishing up.

      Crenshaw ignores John and addresses Nick, still at the window.

      CRENSHAW

      Nick? What’s going on?

      Nick turns from the window and moves to the table, without acknowledging Crenshaw. He pulls a piece of paper out of a pile, and writes something on it.

      CRENSHAW

      I’m talking to you, Nick. Have you got something to say to me?

      NICK

      Yes, I do. My friend, John, here, is right. This place stinks to high heaven and I need to get the whiff off me. So… I quit. Effective immediately.

      (handing the paper to John)

      Here. You’d better give this to him yourself.

      Nick looks down at the paper as Nick walks toward the door.

      JOHN

      It’ll be a pleasure.

      CRENSHAW

      You can’t quit.

      NICK

      Of course I can. I just did.

      John hands Crenshaw the paper.

      JOHN

      It appears I have a new witness for the defense.

      CRENSHAW

      (to Nick)

      You’ll loose your license over this. I’ll make sure of it. We’ll never let you testify.

      NICK

      Maybe, not, but we’ll have a good fight. Won’t we, John?

      JOHN

      Without a doubt, my friend. Without a doubt.

      They walk out together.

      Crenshaw stands stunned for a moment, then lets out a LONG EXPLETIVE OF PRIMAL RAGE.

    31. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 11, 2022 at 12:20 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

      Hi Everyone,

      I’m Maureen from New York, and I’m excited to be joining you all in this class.

      I’ve been taking and loving online classes here at Screenwriting U over the last couple of years.

      I’ve written 13 screenplays and 1 script for a TV series. I have been away from writing for several years (too many!), but before that I had 3 scripts optioned and worked as a writer for hire on 6 screenplays and the TV script. That sounds like a lot, but it was over time, and all pretty low pay, and low to medium budget projects. One of the writer-for hire screenplays was produced.

      Now that I’m writing again, I hope this class will help me elevate my craft.

      Best wishes to everyone that we can all achieve that!

      Maureen

    32. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 10, 2022 at 7:28 pm in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      EXT. A PEACEFUL MOUNTAIN LAKE – SUNSET

      – A rowboat rocks gently at a dock. Nocturnal Flowers open their petals for the night.

      – A stealthy cat stalks a chipmunk nibbling forgotten crumbs at the edge of the dock. The chipmunk looks up curiously as the SOUND OF LIVE MUSIC floats over from across the lake.

      – The cat, focused and now very close, readies to pounce. WHAP! SCREECH! The talons of a HAWK close around the cat and lift. The chipmunk scurries away as the cat is carried up into the darkening sky.

      The dock is silent except for the STRAINS OF MUSIC from across the way.

      EXT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      MUSIC filters out the gracious double front door. Excited greetings float to and fro as late guests park their cars and drift in under a large banner: CONGRATULATIONS ROB!

      INT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      The well-dressed crowd throngs and mingles. A high end wedding band plays a dated Pop song.

      ROB, tall, handsome, a charmer, works the crowd, shaking hands, kissing cheeks and fielding complements as he goes.

      ROB

      Thanks so much… Good to see you, Man!… Ya, such a surprise. I’m so honored… Love that dress!

      PASSING SHORT GUY

      Congrats, Rob. Hear about Betty?

      ROB

      I heard the rumor. Hard to believe, but who knows.. If it’s true..

      SHORT GUY

      (moving on)

      There will be consequences.

      Rob seems to gloat as he takes a step back to bask in it all- and bumps into someone. He turns-

      ROB

      So sorry– Wow! You’re here! I never expected-

      JULIA

      Yet here I am!

      They exchange cheek kisses.

      ROBERT

      Really nice of you to come!

      (awkward beat)

      I guess I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.

      JULIA

      Can’t hold a grudge forever!

      She smiles at him, sipping the last of her cocktail.

      ROBERT

      Let me freshen that up for you.

      With an easy finesse, he takes her empty glass, sets it down on the tray of a passing waiter, picks up a new drink and hands it to her with a cocked head.

      JULIA

      Why thank you!

      (sips)

      To be completely honest, it took awhile. Forgiving you. You know I had a crush on you. More than a crush, I really had a thing for you. That made it hard.

      ROBERT

      (genuinely surprised)

      Wow! I wished I’d known that. If we’re being honest..

      (laughs, embarrassed)

      This is tough…I always thought you were out of my league.

      JULIA

      Talk about cross purposes! Too bad.

      ROB

      Maybe we can change that.

      ACROSS THE ROOM-

      TRENT, well built and impeccably dressed, converses with a huddle of people. He sneaks a check in a nearby mirror and straightens his tie.

      TRENT

      It should go like clockwork. Planned it to the letter. In fact, I need a last minute check with the manager..

      He starts across the room and stops, seeing a stunning Woman in red smile at him from near the buffet. He walks over.

      TRENT

      Evelyn! I didn’t know you were going to be here. I’m chuffed.

      EVELYN

      Amanda called. Thought I’d want to know. She was right. I wouldn’t miss it for the world!

      TRENT

      Well, thank you, Amanda.

      A couple pass by. The GUY puts a hand on Trent’s shoulder.

      GUY

      Thanks for footing the bill on this, Man. What a night!

      TRENT

      No biggy. What’s money for?

      GUY

      So when’s the real party starting?

      TRENT

      (flashing his expensive watch)

      Another hour to go.

      WOMAN

      (as they move away)

      I’m on pins and needles.

      TRENT

      Me too.

      (stares across at Rob)

      Till then, we’ll just have to settle for the pleasure of watching the lamb fatten up for his slaughter.

      EVELYN

      You’re so naughty!

      TRENT

      Are you kidding? This guy is such a creep. I’ve wanted his ass forever!

      EVELYN

      Think he suspects?

      TRENT

      Not a clue!

      EVELYN

      Revenge is so sexy, isn’t it?

      TRENT

      Indeed it is.

      Someone bumps them and Trent’s spinach hors d’oeuvre drops on his shirt front.

      TRENT

      Ugh! Damn! Idiot! I just had this shirt dry cleaned!

      EVELYN

      Here, let me take care of that.

      She picks up a napkin and a bottle of club soda from the buffet bar and, moving in close, goes to work on his shirt.

      EVELYN

      This feels like old times.

      TRENT

      So how do I look? Still sexy?

      EVELYN

      You look succulent enough to just sink my teeth into…

      TRENT

      Why did we break up?

      EVELYN

      Should we go someplace where you can take this off, and I can work on it. We have time, don’t we?

      TRENT

      Sure. Wouldn’t want to show for the big moment with spinach on my shirt.

      EVELYN

      As opposed to egg on your face?

      She smiles, takes his hand and leads him across the room.

      INT. PRIVATE STUDY – MOMENTS LATER

      The study door opens and Trent and Evelyn enter. Evelyn takes off Trent’s jacket and shirt and discards them pointedly on a table. Trent takes a moment to fix how she draped them, before turning back to Evelyn. Glancing down briefly to admire his bare chest, he spots a drop of spinach on his nipple.

      TRENT

      Damn! It went right through!

      He loos for something to wipe it off. Evelyn stops him.

      EVELYN

      Please. Allow me.

      She licks the spinach off his nipple, giving it a little bite with her teeth.

      EVELYN

      Mmmmmm. You always did know how to choose a delectable Hors d’oeuvre.

      They giggle. She strokes his chest. Her hands travel downward, undoing his belt. Continuing downward…

      As Trent closes his eyes and groans, she steals a quick glance at his watch…

      EVELYN

      (purring)

      Oooouuu, it’s time. Come to Mama.

      They kiss hungrily, going at each other, clothes flying.

      Evelyn pushes Trent up against the wall-

      A false panel turns, spinning them into-

      INT. A MINI STADIUM ROOM WITH A FIGHT RING – CONTINUOUS

      A huge room with a ring in the middle and entrances on three sides. A crowd cheers as Evelyn and a stupefied Trent, now in his tightie whities, appear through the false door. Evelyn deftly sidesteps through a gate in the fence and joins the crowd, who all hold cattle prods. Someone gives her one.

      TRENT

      What the f- But it’s not time yet!

      EVELYN

      We pushed the schedule up a bit.

      TRENT

      But Rob- he’s not even here!

      Rob springs through a similar door across the room making out with Julie, who follows Evelyn’s lead and joins the crowd retrieving her cattle-prod.

      Rob looks around at all the guests at the party, hooting and catcalling. He tries to get back into the room but the door has closed. He tries to follow Julie, but several cattle prods push him toward the middle of the rink.

      Trent paces around the circle- a caged animal, wild angry eyes make contact with all the faces who were playing him up earlier, anger building with every set of eyeballs he meets.

      Rob sees Trent’s rage and backs up into a cattle prod.

      ROB

      Aghhhh!

      A primal scream wells up inside Trent and releases itself. His movement around the circle suddenly shifts toward-

      POV ROB

      As the raging red-faced hulk that is Trent races toward him and torpedos into his face with a WACK!

      FADE TO BLACK as FIGHT AND CATCALLS SOUNDTRACK CONTINUES OVER END CREDITS

    33. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 10, 2022 at 7:26 pm in reply to: Day 6 Assignment

      EXT. A PEACEFUL MOUNTAIN LAKE – SUNSET

      – A rowboat rocks gently at a dock. Nocturnal Flowers open their petals for the night.

      – A stealthy cat stalks a chipmunk nibbling forgotten crumbs at the edge of the dock. The chipmunk looks up curiously as the SOUND OF LIVE MUSIC floats over from across the lake.

      – The cat, focused and now very close, readies to pounce. WHAP! SCREECH! The talons of a HAWK close around the cat and lift. The chipmunk scurries away as the cat is carried up into the darkening sky.

      The dock is silent except for the STRAINS OF MUSIC from across the way.

      EXT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      MUSIC filters out the gracious double front door. Excited greetings float to and fro as late guests park their cars and drift in under a large banner: CONGRATULATIONS ROB!

      INT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      The well-dressed crowd throngs and mingles. A high end wedding band plays a dated Pop song.

      ROB, tall, handsome, a charmer, works the crowd, shaking hands, kissing cheeks and fielding complements as he goes.

      ROB

      Thanks so much… Good to see you, Man!… Ya, such a surprise. I’m so honored… Love that dress!

      PASSING SHORT GUY

      Congrats, Rob. Hear about Betty?

      ROB

      I heard the rumor. Hard to believe, but who knows.. If it’s true..

      SHORT GUY

      (moving on)

      There will be consequences.

      Rob seems to gloat as he takes a step back to bask in it all- and bumps into someone. He turns-

      ROB

      So sorry– Wow! You’re here! I never expected-

      JULIA

      Yet here I am!

      They exchange cheek kisses.

      ROBERT

      Really nice of you to come!

      (awkward beat)

      I guess I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.

      JULIA

      Can’t hold a grudge forever!

      She smiles at him, sipping the last of her cocktail.

      ROBERT

      Let me freshen that up for you.

      With an easy finesse, he takes her empty glass, sets it down on the tray of a passing waiter, picks up a new drink and hands it to her with a cocked head.

      JULIA

      Why thank you!

      (sips)

      To be completely honest, it took awhile. Forgiving you. You know I had a crush on you. More than a crush, I really had a thing for you. That made it hard.

      ROBERT

      (genuinely surprised)

      Wow! I wished I’d known that. If we’re being honest..

      (laughs, embarrassed)

      This is tough…I always thought you were out of my league.

      JULIA

      Talk about cross purposes! Too bad.

      ROB

      Maybe we can change that.

      ACROSS THE ROOM-

      TRENT, well built and impeccably dressed, converses with a huddle of people. He sneaks a check in a nearby mirror and straightens his tie.

      TRENT

      It should go like clockwork. Planned it to the letter. In fact, I need a last minute check with the manager..

      He starts across the room and stops, seeing a stunning Woman in red smile at him from near the buffet. He walks over.

      TRENT

      Evelyn! I didn’t know you were going to be here. I’m chuffed.

      EVELYN

      Amanda called. Thought I’d want to know. She was right. I wouldn’t miss it for the world!

      TRENT

      Well, thank you, Amanda.

      A couple pass by. The GUY puts a hand on Trent’s shoulder.

      GUY

      Thanks for footing the bill on this, Man. What a night!

      TRENT

      No biggy. What’s money for?

      GUY

      So when’s the real party starting?

      TRENT

      (flashing his expensive watch)

      Another hour to go.

      WOMAN

      (as they move away)

      I’m on pins and needles.

      TRENT

      Me too.

      (stares across at Rob)

      Till then, we’ll just have to settle for the pleasure of watching the lamb fatten up for his slaughter.

      EVELYN

      You’re so naughty!

      TRENT

      Are you kidding? This guy is such a creep. I’ve wanted his ass forever!

      EVELYN

      Think he suspects?

      TRENT

      Not a clue!

      EVELYN

      Revenge is so sexy, isn’t it?

      TRENT

      Indeed it is.

      Someone bumps them and Trent’s spinach hors d’oeuvre drops on his shirt front.

      TRENT

      Ugh! Damn! Idiot! I just had this shirt dry cleaned!

      EVELYN

      Here, let me take care of that.

      She picks up a napkin and a bottle of club soda from the buffet bar and, moving in close, goes to work on his shirt.

      EVELYN

      This feels like old times.

      TRENT

      So how do I look? Still sexy?

      EVELYN

      You look succulent enough to just sink my teeth into…

      TRENT

      Why did we break up?

      EVELYN

      Should we go someplace where you can take this off, and I can work on it. We have time, don’t we?

      TRENT

      Sure. Wouldn’t want to show for the big moment with spinach on my shirt.

      EVELYN

      As opposed to egg on your face?

      She smiles, takes his hand and leads him across the room.

      INT. PRIVATE STUDY – MOMENTS LATER

      The study door opens and Trent and Evelyn enter. Evelyn takes off Trent’s jacket and shirt and discards them pointedly on a table. Trent takes a moment to fix how she draped them, before turning back to Evelyn. Glancing down briefly to admire his bare chest, he spots a drop of spinach on his nipple.

      TRENT

      Damn! It went right through!

      He looks for something to wipe it off. Evelyn stops him.

      EVELYN

      Please. Allow me.

      She licks the spinach off his nipple, giving it a little bite with her teeth.

      EVELYN

      Mmmmmm. You always did know how to choose a delectable Hors d’oeuvre.

      They giggle. She strokes his chest. Her hands travel downward, undoing his belt. Continuing downward…

      As Trent closes his eyes and groans, she steals a quick glance at his watch…

      EVELYN

      (purring)

      Oooouuu, it’s time. Come to Mama.

      They kiss hungrily, going at each other, clothes flying.

      Evelyn pushes Trent up against the wall-

      A false panel turns, spinning them into-

      INT. A MINI STADIUM ROOM WITH A FIGHT RING – CONTINUOUS

      A huge room with a ring in the middle and entrances on three sides. A crowd cheers as Evelyn and a stupefied Trent, now in his tightie whities, appear through the false door. Evelyn deftly sidesteps through a gate in the fence and joins the crowd, who all hold cattle prods. Someone gives her one.

      TRENT

      What the f- But it’s not time yet!

      EVELYN

      We pushed the schedule up a bit.

      TRENT

      But Rob- he’s not even here!

      Rob springs through a similar door across the room making out with Julie, who follows Evelyn’s lead and joins the crowd retrieving her cattle-prod.

      Rob looks around at all the guests at the party, hooting and catcalling. He tries to get back into the room but the door has closed. He tries to follow Julie, but several cattle prods push him toward the middle of the rink.

      Trent paces around the circle- a caged animal, wild angry eyes make contact with all the faces who were playing him up earlier, anger building with every set of eyeballs he meets.

      Rob sees Trent’s rage and backs up into a cattle prod.

      ROB

      Aghhhh!

      A primal scream wells up inside Trent and releases itself. His movement around the circle suddenly shifts toward-

      POV ROB

      As the raging red-faced hulk that is Trent races toward him and torpedos into his face with a WACK!

      FADE TO BLACK as FIGHT AND CATCALLS SOUNDTRACK CONTINUES OVER END CREDITS

    34. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 9, 2022 at 7:49 pm in reply to: Day 5 Assignment

      EXT. A PEACEFUL MOUNTAIN LAKE – SUNSET

      – A rowboat rocks gently at a dock. Nocturnal Flowers open their petals for the night.

      – A stealthy cat stalks a chipmunk nibbling forgotten crumbs at the edge of the dock. The chipmunk looks up curiously as the SOUND OF LIVE MUSIC floats over from across the lake.

      – The cat, focused and now very close, readies to pounce. WHAP! SCREECH! The talons of a HAWK close around the cat and lift. The chipmunk scurries away as the cat is carried up into the darkening sky.

      The dock is silent except for the STRAINS OF MUSIC from across the way.

      EXT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      MUSIC filters out the gracious double front door. Excited greetings float to and fro as late guests park their cars and drift in under a large banner: CONGRATULATIONS ROB!

      INT. LUXURY MOUNTAIN RETREAT – CONTINUOUS

      The well-dressed crowd throngs and mingles. A high end wedding band plays a dated Pop song.

      ROB, Tall, handsome, a charmer, works the crowd, shaking hands, kissing cheeks and fielding complements as he goes.

      ROB

      Thanks so much… Good to see you, Man!… Ya, such a surprise. I’m so honored… Love that dress!

      PASSING SHORT GUY

      Congrats, Rob. Hear about Betty?

      ROB

      I heard the rumor. Hard to believe, but who knows.. If it’s true..

      SHORT GUY

      (moving on)

      There will be consequences.

      Rob seems to gloat as he takes a step back to bask in it all- and bumps into someone. He turns-

      ROB

      So sorry– Wow! You’re here! I never expected-

      JULIA

      Yet here I am!

      They exchange cheek kisses.

      ROBERT

      Really nice of you to come!

      (awkward beat)

      I guess I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.

      JULIA

      Can’t hold a grudge forever!

      She smiles at him, sipping the last of her cocktail.

      ROBERT

      Let me freshen that up for you.

      With an easy finesse, he takes her empty glass, sets it down on the tray of a passing waiter, picks up a new drink and hands it to her with a cocked head.

      JULIA

      Why thank you!

      (sips)

      To be completely honest, it took awhile. Forgiving you. You know I had a crush on you. More than a crush, I really had a thing for you. That made it hard.

      ROBERT

      (genuinely surprised)

      Wow! I wished I’d known that. If we’re being honest..

      (laughs, embarrassed)

      This is tough…I always thought you were out of my league.

      JULIA

      Talk about cross purposes! Too bad things ended up the way they did.

      ROB

      Maybe we can change that.

      ACROSS THE ROOM-

      TRENT, well built and impeccably dressed, converses with a huddle of people. He sneaks a checks in a nearby mirror and straightens his tie.

      TRENT

      It should go like clockwork. Planned it to the letter. In fact, I have a last minute check with the manager..

      He starts across the room and stops, seeing a stunning Woman in red smile at him from near the buffet. He walks over.

      TRENT

      Evelyn! I didn’t know you were going to be here. I’m chuffed.

      EVELYN

      Amanda called. Thought I’d want to know. She was right. I wouldn’t miss it for the world!

      TRENT

      Well, thank you, Amanda.

      A couple pass by. The GUY puts a hand on Trent’s shoulder.

      GUY

      Thanks for footing the bill on this, Man. What a night!

      TRENT

      No biggy. What’s money for?

      GUY

      So when’s the real party starting?

      TRENT

      Another hour to go.

      WOMAN

      (as they move away)

      I’m on pins and needles.

      TRENT

      Me too.

      (stares across at Rob)

      Till then, we’ll just have to settle for the pleasure of watching the lamb fatten up for his slaughter.

      EVELYN

      You’re so naughty!

      TRENT

      Are you kidding? This guy is such a creep. I’ve wanted his ass forever!

      EVELYN

      Think he suspects?

      TRENT

      Not a clue!

      EVELYN

      Revenge is so sexy, isn’t it?

      TRENT

      Indeed it is.

      Someone bumps them and Trent’s spinach hors d’oeuvre drops on his shirt front.

      TRENT

      Ugh! Damn! Idiot! I just had this shirt dry cleaned!

      EVELYN

      Here, let me take care of that.

      She picks up a napkin and a bottle of club soda from the buffet bar and, moving in close, goes to work on his shirt.

      EVELYN

      This feels like old times.

      TRENT

      So how do I look? Still sexy?

      EVELYN

      You look succulent enough to just sink my teeth into…

      TRENT

      Why did we break up?

      EVELYN

      Should we go someplace where you can take this off, and I can work on it better. We have time, don’t we?

      TRENT

      Sure. Wouldn’t want to show for the big moment with spinach on my shirt.

      EVELYN

      As opposed to egg on your face?

      She smiles, takes his hand and leads him across the room.

      INT. PRIVATE STUDY – MOMENTS LATER

      The study door opens and Trent and Evelyn enter. Evelyn takes off Trent’s shirt and discards it pointedly on a table. Trent flexes his bare chest muscles, glancing down briefly to admire them. Evelyn sighs with approval.

      She strokes his chest. They giggle. Her hands travel downward, undoing his belt. Continuing downward once more, she steals a glance at Trent’s watch…

      EVELYN

      (purring)

      Oooouuu, it’s time. Come to Mama.

      They kiss hungrily, going at each other, clothes flying. Evelyn pushes Trent up against the wall. A false panel turns, spinning them into-

      INT. A MINI STADIUM ROOM WITH A FIGHT RING – CONTINUOUS

      A huge room with a ring in the middle with entrances on two sides. A crowd cheers as Evelyn and a stupefied Trent, now in his tightie whities, appear through the false door. Evelyn deftly sidesteps through a gate in the fence and joins the crowd, who all hold cattle prods. Someone gives her one.

      TRENT

      What the f- But it’s not time yet!

      EVELYN

      We pushed the schedule up a bit.

      TRENT

      But Rob- he’s not even here!

      Rob springs through a similar door across the room making out with Julie, who follows Evelyn’s lead and joins the crowd retrieving her cattle-prod.

      Rob looks around at all the guests at the party, hooting and catcalling. He tries to get back into the room but the door has closed. He tries to follow Julie, but several cattle prods push him toward the middle of the rink.

      Trent paces around the circle- a caged animal, wild angry eyes make contact with all the faces who were playing him up earlier, anger building with every set of eyeballs he meets.

      Rob sees Trent’s rage and backs up into a cattle prod.

      ROB

      Aghhhh!

      A primal scream wells up inside Trent and releases itself. His movement around the circle suddenly shifts toward-

      POV ROB

      As the raging hulk races toward him and a fist torpedos into his face with a WACK!

      FADE TO BLACK as FIGHT AND CATCALLS SOUNDTRACK CONTINUES OVER END CREDITS

    35. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 9, 2022 at 5:28 pm in reply to: Day 4 Assignment

      Maureen. Max Interest Part 1

      What I learned that is improving my writing is: Even when I think I have put interest and substance into my scene, having these techniques to use not only illuminates where my instincts have fallen short, they give me a laser focus insight into how to fix it.

      1. Logline: After hours of relentless pursuit by both Filipino police and mystery operatives trying to kill him, fugitive Matt swims out of the water miles upriver from his previous escape, and seeks desperately needed sleep in a children’s playground.

      2. The Essence of the Scene: There is no real rest for Matt. He is being pursued by demons from without and within.

      3. Interest Techniques:

      Challenging Situation <div>

      Suspense

      <div>

      Uncertainty – Hope/Fear

      Twist

      <div>

      Betrayal (but it is the Protagonist himself who is the betrayer)

      Surprise

      4. Re-written Scene:

      EXT. A FORESTED MANILA PARK ON THE PASIG RIVER – NIGHTFALL.

      A few straggling picnickers herd their kids down a pathway that leads out of the park.

      AT THE RIVER’S EDGE – HIDDEN IN THE SHADOWS

      Matt wades out of the river, drenched and exhausted. He stumbles in from the shore and crawls into-

      EXT. A CHILD’S PLAYGROUND BARREL

      Matt collapses on to the barrel floor, catching his breath. He curls his body against the curve of the barrel, wipes his face with his wet shirt, then squeezes it into a pillow.

      Resting his head, he stares into the last of the disappearing twilight. As the safety of darkness engulfs him, he falls into a troubled sleep.

      THE DISTANT RUMBLE OF THE CITY’S NIGHT LIFE BECOMES THE WHISTLE OF AN INCOMING MISSILE OVER:

      A JUMBLE OF IMAGES

      Matt. Full Gear. IRAQ.

      Running. Dodging sniper bullets.

      The MISSILE DOPPLERS closer. EXPLODES.

      Matt takes cover from the cloud of dust and propelled debris. Others follow.

      A NAVY SEAL – hit and bloody on the ground. Matt and ANOTHER SEAL run back out into the sniper’s sights and drag the wounded Seal to safety.

      Another Missile WHISTLES closer. Matt turns away as

      The WHISTLE CRESCENDOS OVER:

      MANILA

      The EXPLOSION of the ship in Manila Harbor.

      On Matt’s Stunned face taking in the blast.

      CUT TO:

      UNDERWATER.

      Matt combs through the wreckage for survivors. He turns, hearing-

      SARAH
      Daddy..

      Some distance from Matt-

      A Child floats through the deep waters. Lifeless. Her nightgown torn and bloodied.

      Matt swims toward her. He gets closer. Her eyes pop open.

      Matt stops.

      SARAH
      Daddy, why?

      Another VOICE. Coming from nowhere, yet from all directions. Muffled, like a gunshot through water-

      ALISE
      You did this!

      EXT. PLAYGROUND BARREL – MORNING

      Matt jolts awake in the harsh glint of the morning sun. Drenched in sweat. Shaken. Gasping back tears. He is about to let them go when he is startled by-

      A Little Filipino Girl standing just outside the barrel, watching him.

      MAN
      (in Tagalog)
      Come NOW, Dally. Your brother will be late for school.

      The Girl glances at her Father, then back at Matt.

      Matt and the girl hold each other’s eyes. The girl’s are wide and dark, full of curiosity, and empathy. Matt presses a finger to his lips.

      She nods, then runs off.

      Matt waits for the family to walk away, then gathers his things.

      .

      </div></div></div>

    36. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 4, 2022 at 4:45 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

      My name is Maureen Tilyou. I agree to the terms of this release form.

      GROUP RELEASE FORM

      As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

      1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

      2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

      I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

      3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

      4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

      5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

      6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

      This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    37. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 3, 2022 at 4:24 am in reply to: Day 3 Assignment

      Maureen Profiles People

      What I’ve learned: That some core traits are more apparent than others, but when pushed by the right events and circumstances, they reveal themselves. Circumstances and events in my writing can and should push the revelation of deeper traits in my own characters.

      PERSON 1-

      Empathetic

      Charming

      Nasty

      Liar

      PERSON 2

      Funny

      Non Committal /Plays Both Sides

      Charming

      Wily/Sly

      PERSON 3

      Witty

      Charming

      Biting

      Vindictive

      After being tested, Person 2 showed himself to be Brave and Resolved rather than Non-committal and Playing both sides.

    38. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 2, 2022 at 4:26 am in reply to: Day 2 Assignment

      Maureen Puts Essence to Work

      What I learned is… When I dig to find what’s principally important in a scene (the essence), my scenes open up to new dynamics and life.

      Script I choose: SALVAGE

      Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
      Logline: Gordie takes care of the boat while Matt dives with their clients.
      Essence I’ve discovered: It’s a pleasant, lazy life. These guys are living the escapist lives of teennagers in their 40’s.
      New Logline: Gordie listens to classic rock as he rolls a joint and lazes in the sun while Matt dives with the clients.

      Scene 2 Location: Early to Mid Act 1
      Logline: Matt’s wife Alyse visits his boat and asks for a divorce.
      Essence I’ve discovered: Matt wants his family back, but is too messed up to do anything about it, and instead does everything to f— it up.
      New Logline: When Matt’s wife visits his boat to ask for a divorce, he baits and manipulates her into losing her temper and lashing out at him.

      Scene 3 Location: Early/Mid Act 2
      Logline: After spending 2 days on the run from both the Manila police and men trying to kill him. Matt escapes on a bus out of town.
      Essence I’ve discovered: Matt’s Navy Seal training has kicked in. These are the first moments of peace he has had in two days, and he will use this time to think through what is happening to him, and make a plan.
      New Logline: Having escaped out of Manilla on a bus, Matt uses the quiet to regroup, analyze what is happening and why, and make a plan.

      Scene 4 Location: Near the Mid-Point of Act 2
      Logline: Matt and Tommy go over the logistics of Matt’s plan.
      Essence I’ve discovered: Matt is using every bit of fibre in him to drive himself forward through a deep despondency and self hatred after unintentionally killing his wife and child.
      New Logline: While Matt and Tommy go over the plan, Tommy challenges Matt to reconsider what he’s getting himself into. Matt reveals that he doesn’t care if he dies- he’s got nothing to live for, and deserves the worst that can happen to him.

      Scene 5 Location: End of Act 2
      Logline: After planting the explosives to blow up the Terrorist camp, Matt realizes his wife and child are still alive- and in that camp.
      Essence I’ve discovered: After bitterly driving himself toward this moment using his Navy Seal training and every bit of grit in him, Matt is emotionally overwhelmed by his discovery, and the relief that he didn’t kill his wife and child back in Manila.
      New Logline: Matt is about to blow up the terrorist camp when he sees Alyse and Sarah in the camp. His legs give out from under him and he falls to the ground struggling to comprehend the implications of what he sees and pull himself together to take on the new challenge of saving his family.

    39. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      February 26, 2022 at 6:26 pm in reply to: Day 1 Assignment

      Maureen Finds the Essence: <font color=”#000000″>What I learned is that even when I know a film well, when I discover and define the essence of the scenes I love, I begin to have an understanding for how they are crafted, and what tools I can use to craft my own scenes. </font>

      <font color=”#000000″>
      </font>Script I choose: DEAD POETS SOCIETY

      Scene 1 Location: ACT 1 Intro Keating/Carpe Diem Scene
      Logline: Prof Keating introduces himself to the class by taking them out in the hall and conjuring the spirits of the dead athletes in the old school photos.
      Essence: This Teacher is offbeat and not afraid to go deep and wake the Boy’s up to what is really at stake in life. His class is going to be a different kind of challenge.

      Scene 2 Location: Early Act 2 – The FIrst Cave Scene

      Logline: The Boys huddle around a campfire and read poetry aloud.

      Essence: The Boys begin to stir the buried yearnings in their hearts and souls.

      Scene 3 Location: Middle of Act Two – Sweaty-Toothed Madman Scene
      Logline: Keating challenges Todd to face his fear of speaking, find his primal voice, and reveal his disowned worth.
      Essence: Sometimes we have to tap our ‘barbaric’ emotions to break out of the straitjackets we have crafted to hold us back.

      Scene 4 Location: Later Middle of Act 2
      Logline: Keating has the Boys march to their own tune, but they soon unconsciously fall into formation.
      Essence: The pull of conformity is strong and embedded; it takes intention to stay on your own path.

      Scene 5 Location: End of Act 3 – Climax/Resolution
      Logline: When a ‘disgraced’ Keating comes in to get his things while Nolan teaches his class, Todd finds his courage stands on his desk to salute Keating, “Oh, Captain, My Captain,” inspiring most of the class to do the same.
      Essence: From tragedy and failure to transcendent triumph: Keating has inspired the Boys to be individuals of courage and commitment, and their brave act of acknowledging him cements their achievements, and lets him know that all has not been in vain.

      My selection for most profound essence: The Climax/Resolution Scene at the end of the film.

      Essense: From tragedy and failure to transcendent triumph: Keating has inspired the Boys to be individuals of courage and commitment, and their brave act of acknowledging him cements their achievements, and lets him know that all has not been in vain.

      I believe this is the essence of this scene (and in a larger sense the essence of the film) because it ties together all the scenes in the film, and delivers the film’s ultimate meaning. If the actions in this scene did not take place, then the message of the film would have been that even brave attempts to express individuality often end in loss and defeat. The film needs this scene to be emotionally large and triumphant in order to achieve the emotional impact that it has been driving toward.

      INT. THE ENGLISH CLASSROOM – AFTERNOON
      Todd, Knox, Meek, Pitts, Cameron and the rest of the class
      are there. Conspicuously empty are Neil’s desk and Charlie’s
      desk. Todd looks numb, his gaze downward, reminding us of
      the way he looked when we first met him. Knox, Meeks, and
      Pitts look humiliated. All of the former club members are
      too ashamed of themselves to look at one another. Only
      Cameron looks halfway normal. He sits at his desk studying
      as though nothing had happened.
      The door opens. In strides Mr. Nolan. All stand. Nolan
      sits at the teacher’s desk. All sit down.
      130.
      NOLAN
      Since the semester is so near to a
      close, I will be taking over this
      class through exams. We will find
      a permanent English teacher during
      the Christmas holidays. Who would
      like to tell me where you are in
      the Hutton textbook?
      Nolan looks around. There are no volunteers.
      NOLAN
      Mr. Anderson?
      TODD
      (softly, barely audible)
      The… Hutton…
      Todd looks through his books. He fumbles nervously.
      NOLAN
      I can’t hear you, Mr. Anderson.
      TODD
      (still low)
      I… think we…
      NOLAN
      (exasperated with this)
      Mr. Cameron, kindly inform me.
      CAMERON
      We skipped around a lot, sir. We
      covered the romantics and most of
      the chapters on post civil war
      literature.
      NOLAN
      What about the realists?
      CAMERON
      I believe we skipped most of that.
      Nolan flips through the text. The door to the classroom
      opens. Mr. Keating enters.
      KEATING
      (to Nolan)
      I came for my personals. Should I
      wait until after class?
      131.
      NOLAN
      Absolutely not. Get your things
      and get out.
      (to the class)
      Gentlemen, turn to page fifty four.
      Mr. Cameron, read aloud the poem by
      Eugene Field.
      CAMERON
      Mr. Nolan, that page has been
      ripped out.
      NOLAN
      Then borrow somebody else’s book.
      CAMERON
      They’re all ripped out, sir.
      NOLAN
      (staring at Keating)
      What do you mean they’re all ripped
      out?
      CAMERON
      Sir we…
      NOLAN
      Never mind, Cameron.
      He carries his textbook to Cameron’s desk.
      NOLAN
      Here. Read.
      CAMERON
      “Little Boy Blue” by Eugene Field:
      “The little toy dog is covered with dust,
      But sturdy and stanch he stands.
      And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
      And his musket moulds in his hands…
      As Cameron continues reading, Keating, who is at the closet
      in the front corner of the room, looks out at the students.
      He sees Todd, whose eyes are full of tears. He sees Knox,
      Meeks, Pitts, too shamed to look him in the eye but
      nevertheless full of emotion. The irony of Nolan choosing
      the “Little Blue Boy” is too incredible.
      Keating finishes his packing. He walks across the room
      towards the door. Just as Keating reaches the door, Todd can
      no longer hold it in.
      132.
      TODD
      (interrupting Cameron’s
      reading)
      Mr. Keating, they made them sign
      it!
      KEATING
      I know that, Todd.
      NOLAN
      Quiet, Mr. Anderson! Leave, Mr.
      Keating!
      TODD
      But it wasn’t his fault, Mr. Nolan!
      Neil’s father did it. Neil wanted
      to be an actor more than anything.
      Nolan strides down the aisle and slaps Todd mightily. The
      boy falls to the floor.
      NOLAN
      One more outburst, Mr. Anderson!
      (turns to the class)
      Or anyone else! And you are out of
      this school!
      He turns toward Keating who has taken a few steps back
      towards Todd as though to help.
      NOLAN
      Leave now.
      Keating stands facing Nolan. He turns and faces the class.
      KEATING
      Wonderful things are possible if we
      only dare dream them, boys. Be
      bold.
      NOLAN
      GET OUT!
      The boys stare at Keating. He stares at them, taking them in
      for the last time. Keating turns and moves towards the door.
      TODD
      Oh Captain!
      Keating turns. So does everybody else. Todd pulls himself
      off the floor, props one foot up on his desk then stands up
      on it. He stands atop his desk, holding back tears, facing
      Mr. Keating.
      133.
      NOLAN
      (moving at him)
      You little…
      As Nolan moves down the aisle, Knox (whose seat is on the
      other side of the room) calls Mr. Keating’s name and stands
      up on his desk too. Nolan turns and sees this. Meeks
      musters his courage and stands on his desk. Pitts does the
      same. One by one and then in groups, the rest of the class
      follows suit. Soon the entire class is standing on their
      desks in silent salute to Mr. Keating.
      Nolan who started at Todd, then at Overstreet, stands
      motionless. He is amazed by this overwhelming response.
      Keating stands at the door, tears welling in his eyes.
      KEATING
      Thank you, boys.
      Keating looks into Todd’s eyes, then into all their eyes,
      gives a nod, then exits.
      ANGLE ON each of the members of the Dead Poets Society
      standing on their desks:
      MEEKS
      PITTS
      KNOX
      and finally, TODD, who is holding back tears but standing
      proud.
      BLACKOUT.

    40. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      November 11, 2023 at 9:12 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Thanks for checking and posting.

    41. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      November 11, 2023 at 9:10 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Me too!

    42. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      October 21, 2023 at 8:02 pm in reply to: Zoom Info

      Me too

    43. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 26, 2023 at 2:55 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      I really like this. Just wondering how much the Supernatural element is at play here, since it seems central to the Antagonists plans, and adds a cool twist.

    44. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 26, 2023 at 12:14 am in reply to: Lesson 2

      Super idea!

    45. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 2:02 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Sounds exciting!

    46. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 1:54 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Fun! Already trying to figure out what the big shocker is at the end…Mmmmm?

    47. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 1:47 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Very cool. I like this a lot!

    48. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 1:43 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Me, too. Looking forward to how this twists and turns!

    49. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 25, 2023 at 1:40 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Love this!

    50. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 17, 2023 at 9:41 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Yes, I get your confusion. My original idea, (and I’m still leaning there) was it is a neuro-link sort of thing a long time in the making. A brainwashing tactic with a built in Failsafe that would make sure each person’s vote goes the ‘right’ way. That’s why I see it as a Sci-Fi Thriller. That answer is not a simple one, because it really has to be well laced into the script and developed to make it believable. I hope tat sort of addresses your question. Or begins to.

    51. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 17, 2023 at 9:26 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Love it! I suspected she might be a mermaid. Can’t wait to see how this develops!

    52. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 17, 2023 at 9:23 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Thanks Tully!

    53. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 14, 2023 at 6:46 pm in reply to: Lesson 6

      Nice work! What takes you to Greenland? Fantastic!

    54. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 12, 2023 at 4:59 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

      Thank you so much, Mahee! Looking forward to reading yours 🙂

    55. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 12, 2023 at 4:56 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Thank you, Mahee. I love yours as well!

    56. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 8:08 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

      Nice!

    57. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 7:23 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Fun! Love the Title!

    58. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      August 10, 2023 at 7:22 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

      Sounds really engaging! Look forward to seeing how it develops. 🙂

    59. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 18, 2022 at 11:35 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Sandra,

      Thanks so much for your feedback and your very helpful suggestions.

      Best,

      Maureen

    60. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 18, 2022 at 6:03 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Sandra,

      I absolutely love your scene and the delightful, very human characters. I really get a sense of the place and their lives. I particularly love the humor, which comes so much out of the characters you have created. You really have taken on the challenge of developing characters out of the given traits in a wonderful way.

      I have a few notes below.

      Great set up and description in the opening lines. One very small thing: I would think about dropping ‘in the country’ because we already get the sense that it’s in the country so it seems redundant. Or you could say ‘off a dirt country road’ if you felt you needed it. The image you present is so authentic, I just think you want to be as concise and clean as possible.

      John’s Description paragraph: Great sense of John and his loner life here. The pictures on the wall are a nice touch to add daring. I just found myself wanting to know just how old John is in the first picture. I read it as a young man in his twenties, but I think it would go much further and actually scream ‘daring’ if he were still a boy. Just a thought. It would also help clear up what the audience is looking at. It is much harder to pick out two different ages of an adult man who is only in his 30’s in a photo. So overall, I think an adolescent or young teen is a better choice.

      You’ve gotten all the traits in pretty solidly. John’s daring and loner are already introduced in his opening description and images and are carried through. His distrust is integral to the story development, and his loyalty is mentioned with the horse. Nick’s confidence is pretty clear, he’s obviously a rebellious sort, and he’s loyal to his wife, even in her state, which is amazing and admirable. His conniving I’ll talk about a bit below.

      To take things in order- I love John’s interaction with the Baby- it’s priceless and funny. I do have a few questions about the Baby and the bath…. Why is the water dirty? Was the Baby so dirty that Nick had to put her in the water with such urgency? Is putting him into the water part of a ploy to get John to take care of her? If it is part of a ploy, ( which is hinted at later when John discovers the different writing of his name, and accuses Nick of fathering the child himself) then I think that the ploy, along with stronger evidence of Nick’s ‘conniving’, could use more development.

      Here’s the biggest thing for me in an otherwise perfect (to me) piece. I don’t get a complete feeling of something having resolved itself. The arc of the story (The Good Guy has the Info) doesn’t come across fully enough, and the story seems to stop prematurely. Sure, John discovers the other handwriting on the note, but he could be just using that to get out of admitting he could be the father.The audience only knows about the writing from John’s assertion. There is no evidence for the audience to conclude that Nick is actually the father and he’s been playing John all along (conniving). You could just do something simple and put in a few shots and additional lines of dialogue to emphasize his duplicity (shot of the note/ shot of his guilty face when John accuses him of cheating on Saddie, which he quickly covers with anger, but not before John sees it. ) But I think you really have a great opportunity here to take this situation, and these wonderful characters further. Which is something I would like to see because, as a reader, I’m not really ready to let these characters finish with me. I want more from them. You’ve only got about 2.5 pages, so you have room to play. I’d love to see the fight happen (maybe with the same type of humor as you brought to the John/Baby bathroom scene) and end up with them either collapsing into laugher in each others arms, or just dropping with exhaustion and giving up – and have Nick admit that he was trying to scam John, and the baby is probably his, and John admit it could be his, he was drinking a lot before NIck took him in. They decide to raise the baby together, and look to a silent Saddie to seal the deal. This would solidify Nick’s ‘conniving’ in a big way, but at the same time, take them to a different place with each other. John could show loyalty to the man who was generous enough to take him in when he needed it.

      Anyway, just some thoughts. Hope some of it is helpful. Great work! Looking forward to your next Scene.

      All the best,

      Maureen

    61. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:30 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Sandra,

      Can we exchange feedback. Mine is right behind yours below.

      Thanks so much,

      Maureen

    62. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:17 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Sandra,

      Would you be willing to exchange feedback on our QE Scene two rewritten scenes? My comes up right behind yours here.

      Thanks!

    63. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:28 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Ed,

      Can we exchange feedback. Mine is one or two below here.

      Many thanks

      Maureen

    64. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 17, 2022 at 7:20 pm in reply to: Day 9 Assignment

      Hi Ed,

      Would you be willing to exchange feedback on our QE 2 Re-written Scenes? Mine comes up under Sandra’s below.

      Thanks!

      Maureen

    65. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 16, 2022 at 4:31 pm in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      No problem. I learned a lot from doing the critique as well. Looking forward to reading more of your work as well.

    66. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 16, 2022 at 3:15 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      Hi Edward,

      Sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

      Here are my notes.

      First, my overall thoughts and impressions of your piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your take on the Noir genre. It was true to the feel of the genre, while at the same time being somewhat irreverent and fun. Your use of language to evoke the setting and mood is excellent. You also made a present day timeframe work with the genre, which is not always so easy. The intros of the characters are great. I love Robert cutting up fish and watching porn- which delightfully turns out to be not just a fun character prop, but germaine to the story. The intro of the femme fatale is wonderful. With just seconds of screen time before she disappears into the back room, you have her make an indelible impression. Trent’s ‘meticulous’ exit from the cigarette boat used his trait to great effect.

      You build both Suspense and Intrigue from the opening description and the setting, and raise it along the way- the sharp knife cutting fish, the porn film which turns out to be of a woman who hides in the back room, Robert lying to Trent about her presence, etc.

      Major Twist / Surprise: You’ve obviously built anticipation for a showdown with Robert, Trent and Amoreena which the audience/reader expects. I’m not sure, but I think you intend a Surprise/ Twist at the very end with Amoreena and Robert after Trent goes in the drink. I may just have a blind spot, but I’m just not exactly sure what happens there. Does Amoreena poison Robert, or stab him? Why does he collapse? The fire is obviously a play off the cigars flying out of Trent’s mouth, and the propane, but is it just an accident that it starts a blaze? Is Robert collapsing in relief as a blaze starts behind him? I’m not sure what you want here, but if you are looking for a surprise/twist, I think you may need to clarify the mechanics of what happens a bit. Maybe give Amoreena more intentionality and menace in the end- if she indeed kills Robert. Maybe that’s not what you intend, but either way, I think you need clarification of what happens here.

      Just a thought- You may want to consider creating a big drama, noirish surprise by having Amoreena shoot Trent and that’s what sends him through the window into the water. Maybe first Robert punches him a few times, then, as he staggers in front of the window, she shoots him, and they watch him struggle in the water and go under. It would be a Surprise/Twist, and it would be in keeping with the genre. It would up the stakes for Robert- who really doesn’t know at that point if he is getting out of this alive. There would also be more intense Uncertain Hope/Fear for the audience at that point as well. As I said, just a thought.

      Interesting Setting– Yes, and you use it to super effect.

      Mislead/Reveal: I see here the revelation that Amoreena is a gangster’s wife. Robert and the audience already know that she is in the back room, which heightens the Uncertainty/Hope/ Superior Position Irony elements. I’m not sure I see a Mislead/Reveal beyond that . I think the audience is in on Robert’s scheme on Trent, and enjoys the cat and mouse, especially as Trent grows more obnoxious by the minute. The reveal may be at the end with a twist/ surprise, but as I said, I am a bit unclear about the ending, so I’m not sure. Apologies if I’m missing something obvious.

      Betrayal. Totally there. Robert is betraying Trent, but as we glimpse their relationship, we realize that Trent has been betraying Robert all the time. Nice.

      Superior Position Irony: Yes. Great. The audience knows about Amoreena in the back room, and is anticipating and wondering what is going to happen.

      Uncertain Hope/Fear – I see this as the audience wondering what’s going to happen if and when Trent discovers the woman in the back room. I suppose we (the audience) ‘worries’ about the outcome, but I think it is less for Trent’s safety, than Robert’s, and possibly Amoreena’s – just because Trent seems such a jerk. As I mentioned, much stronger Hope/Fear for Robert is possible if you have Amoreena shoot Trent.

      You did a very good job using the character traits throughout.. Robert is Secretive, Gregarious and somehow remarkably Smooth even as he flings fish heads. There is a lot of evidence of his low self esteem as well, but because the audience knows about the double cross, I sometimes saw it as a guise to play Trent, and not actual low self esteem. Not sure if that’s important. If you had a full length script, it might be clear here that he’s using his own past evidence of low self esteem in order to play Trent convincingly.

      Trent is ‘Trent. I get a strong sense of a character, and see his traits of ‘Conspiring, Aggressive, Meticulous and Needy pretty much throughout.

      Thanks for letting me give you feedback! I hope some of it helps.

      Maureen

    67. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 11, 2022 at 1:09 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      Hi Edward,

      I love your style. You definitely got the noir thing from the first lines.

      I know I’m behind, but would you be interested in exchanging feedback? I’m right behind you in this thread.

      Thanks,

      Maureen

    68. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 16, 2022 at 1:48 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      Hello Amechi,

      Thank you for sharing your Scene with me.

      Somehow, your email through wordpress ended up in my Promotions folder instead of my Inbox, and I didn’t see it until last night. I wrote back to you via email to wordpress, but I just saw that I got a message that my email to you was not deliverable. We seem to be having some problems connecting. I will also send this message to your message folder here in Screen U’s WordPress, to make sure it gets to you one way or the other.

      Give me a chance to read your Scene for QE1 and give it some thought. I will try to get back to you with notes tomorrow.

      All the best,

      Maureen

    69. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 14, 2022 at 1:51 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      Hi Edward,

      Thanks so much for your excellent and very helpful feedback. It’s much appreciated. And I’m glad you liked a lot of the elements. Sorry for the delay getting back to you. I was deep into writing the Scene for Lesson 8, trying to stay current with the class. I’m pasting your comments below so I can address them. My responses are in parentheses….

      ——

      Hi Maureen – thanks for sharing your work. I enjoyed the uniqueness, surprises, double entendres too! Here are my notes….

      Scene Arc – Intent – From Celebration to Ass Kicking

      The opening metaphor scene, although not a celebration is intriguing. I think the celebration is Rob’s wedding? It if it is, I’d intro Rob as the groom, so there’s no mistaking him. Interesting “ass kicking,” unexpected , good! I like that’s unconventional. Good twist.

      (The celebration is not Rob’s Wedding. It’s a huge Promotion that he nabbed by starting a serious rumor about his rival. Btw- this is also what he did to Julie in the past, and she confronted him, but left the company disgraced. This “Big Celebration” is a trap organized by Trent to give Rob an entirely different kind of ‘reward.” I obviously have to work on this to get these things into the scene/subtext. Thanks.)

      Scene Situation – One character is lured into a back room where he is beat up.

      Hidden room or backroom? If you were actually working with a producer, this interpretation is something to discuss. I like it for its imagination and twist technique. In a literal sense, not align with situation’s request.

      (Yes I see how this could be a budget or other issue. )

      Robert’s Subtext – loves creating gossip about other people and watch it take them down.

      I like that the short guy intro’s the rumor and Rob pours gasoline on the fire. Still shows him to be a gossiper, but without him initiating it. You could extend his subtext as he flirts with Julia.

      (Great idea!)

      Trent’s Subtext – pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants —at their expense.

      Not getting this subtext yet, He comes across as being wealthy but not that he’s pretending to be wealthy. That can be done , perhaps with a visit from the manager – there’s a problem with the bill. Or a guest speaking a Rob rumor that he’s not. Something that tips us off regarding his true lot in life.

      (Yes, absolutely. I thought of doing something with the Manager and the Bill. I got concerned about the scene’s length, and didn’t follow through. I’ll revisit.)

      TRAITS:

      With both Robert and Trent, their relationships and dialogue with Julia and Evelyn are great opportunities to illustrate additional subtext and traits. Relationships, with history, are great for emotions to come to the surface. With this draft the dialogue more geared to illustrating plot. The next pass, layer in additional trait and subtext.

      Roberts Traits:

      Smooth – yes, good comes across as a player. Consider having an event occur at the beginning of the scene that illustrates his smooth personality, smooth over a disagreement or something.

      Secretive – Didn’t pick up this trait. (Ok, thanks. I’ll layer it in)

      Gregarious – didn’t pick up this trait (I’m a bit confused here, because I was trying to build his gregarious nature into it from his intro where he’s making his way through the crowd, enjoying the engagement with each person. Is that not coming through? )

      Low Self Esteem – didn’t pick up this trait. (I was hoping his thinking Julia was ‘out of his league’ was a hint, but I guess that could come off as a ploy. I’ll work on it.

      Trent’s Traits:

      Conspiring – He’s worked up some scheme with Evelyn until she double crosses him. With his time with Evelyn, you have opportunity to explore this trait and others. (This is another place where I’m confused. I saw the fact that Trent set up this whole scam on Rob and involved eveyone else in it behind Rob’s back fulfilled the ‘conspiracy’ trait. Is that not coming across? )

      Aggressive – I see this in being upset with the spinach spill and at the end, he attacks Robert. (Absolutely!)

      Meticulous – Yes, good, regarding his appearance. (Thanks!)

      Needy- Didn’t pick up this trait. (I’ll try to push this more. I was trying to have him ask Evelyn “How do I look’ type things, and looking for approval, etc. I’ll punch it up and see if it comes out. )

      Techniques:

      The essence of the scene – my take – revenge is best served cold. (Love it! And Yes!)

      Suspense – Suspense can be increased if, Rob, Trent, Julia and Evelyn all crossed paths early on. Setting up the awkwardness mixed with the suppressed attractions , past bad blood, in subtext. We know something probably bad will happen later. What we don’t know, keeping your big surprises intact. Consider extending the anticipation of what going to happen in the hidden room. (Really interesting. I hadn’t considered suspense as fitting in here – even though it’s my favorite sensory movie experience. It could add another layer, and deepen the experience. Thanks!)

      Major Twist – Good – the change in setting to hidden room and the set up, Rob and Trent hook ups with the ladies. (Thanks)

      Surprise – Yep, great, unique and surprising ending. (Glad you liked it.)

      Interesting Setting – The lodge has some potential, we need to get a better feeling of how the isolation plays into the story. (Again, interesting idea. This could add a new dimension to the story- or even better ground it somehow.)

      Mislead/Reveal – Good, the relationships, have past issues and, motivates the revenge actions.

      Character Changes –

      Betrayal – Perhaps Make it clearer what the bad blood is between Robert and Trent and escalate it. (Great!)

      Superior Position Irony –

      Uncertain Hope/Fear –

      Intrigue – Good, setting, past histories of the guests, hidden rooms, cattle prods, forcing Rob and Trent to fight.

      Over all very imaginative and unique plot and turn of events. With future passes continue to layer in the past bad blood and complexities of the relationships with Rob, Trent and Evelyn and Julia. This material is the heart of the action and subtext. The more we can understand what is motivating these characters the better the use of traits, and payoffs when they take action.

      ——-

      Thanks again, Edward. I’m glad you liked it, and you definitely got my wheels turning 🙂

      I’ll work on notes on your Scene tomorrow. Would be happy to swap on QE Scene 2 as well, if you’d like to.

      Maureen

    70. Maureen Tilyou

      Member
      March 11, 2022 at 12:04 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignment

      Hi Judith,

      Love your scene!

      Would you be up for exchanging feedback?

      Let me know.

      Thanks,

      Maureen

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