[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

Hi everyone!

I’ve come up with some prompts I use for wordsmithing my pilot. If you find these helpful, feel free to try them yourself and let me know how it worked for you. Be aware these are not Hal approved prompts, and have not been vetted by any development team. These are just ones I came up with on my own.

Before using the prompts, be sure to spellcheck first, and use something like grammarly or prowritingaid. Also follow the wordsmithing lesson from our class.

Prompt 1: Please check for spelling and grammar errors in my screenplay, and provide the corrections. Please identify passive words and suggest active words. Please identify past tense and suggest how to rewrite in present tense. Please identify weak words and phrases and suggest stronger, more vibrant words or phrases. List all corrections and suggestions in bold type.

Prompt 2: Check for clichés and negative stereotypes, and list them. Please identify and list common tropes found in the writing.

Prompt 3: Identify instances of “directing from the page” and suggest alternatives.

***The first part of this next prompt isn’t so great, it needs work. But the second half can get you great, thought provoking questions.

Prompt 4: Identify any questions contained in this screenplay which a second character answers the first character’s question which would be better left unanswered or rhetorical. List the question first, then list your suggestion in bold type. Then please list some ideas for hypothetical or rhetorical questions one character might ask another.

Prompt 5: Please evaluate my screenplay against the Bechdel test, Mako Mori test, Vito Russo test, DuVernay test, Sexy lamp test, Latif test, and the Landau test. Identify and list problem areas.

****The next prompt can help with eliminating orphan lines

Prompt 6: The following paragraphs of description, action lines, and/or lines of dialogue need to be shortened by about 10 characters per paragraph so as not to have any orphan lines at the end of the sentence that carries over to the next lines and consist of only one word or two short words. Please suggest two alternate ways to rewrite each paragraph to reduce it between 10 and 15 characters per paragraph.

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

Two things struck me from the prep lesson for this class. The first is that the pitch we initially develop is for us to decide if we want to write it, not to see if a producer wants it. The second thing is just like Hal said, don’t fall in love with the first idea. My first idea I really liked. I completed the pitch, and included about 5 pages of notes that came to me as I did it. Sleeping on it, the next day I realized it was only a so-so idea. I needed to come up with a different idea that was fantastic.

And a personal note, Hal stressed over and over not to wordsmith first drafts. Sometimes I get stuck trying to find the perfect word for what I just wrote. My own process, if I can’t come up with it within 5-10 seconds, I write “thes.” and move on. It’s my shorthand for thesaurus. It’s a footnote where I’m acknowledging to myself it’s a poor word and I’ll come up with something better later. I’m giving myself written permission to just move on and not to worry about it. It will also stick out to me so I don’t have to worry “where was that one problem word again, it was in here somewhere?”

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

Brent McKnight

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

What I learned in this assignment was using AI can quickly brainstorm many basics that might be overlooked otherwise. Upon a closer look at my previous story I was going to create, I realized it’s too similar to a one season and done (cancelled) show on Netflix. Why use that as one of my comps?

So instead, I took an old backburner story idea from MSC-15 that I didn’t develop. Back then, I ran it past Cheryl and she liked it, but I ended up developing a different one. For this idea, I was able to get to this point in about 30 minutes:

A teen girl’s sanity is questioned after her twin brother’s brutal murder is captured on social media. Then he turns up apparently healthy, but with a new found taste for blood.

The vampire council’s selective breeding program ensnares psychic siblings in a goal to create a new race of “Daywalker” vampires without the weaknesses of the previous one.

I’m not sure which one of these (first draft) loglines I like better. The first one seems too generic, like something we’ve seen before. The second one reveals the entire hidden plot, which should be for a later reveal.

Teresa (the sister):

· Situational: Hope – Teresa hopes to uncover the truth about her brother’s transformation, but she also fears that the truth may reveal darker and more dangerous secrets about her family.

· Motivation: Want – She wants to protect her brother and find a sense of normalcy, but she also needs to embrace her psychic abilities to navigate the supernatural world.

· Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Her base negative emotion is fear, and her public mask is one of determination and resilience, concealing her fears about her family’s supernatural heritage.

· Weaknesses: Teresa’s main weaknesses are her impulsiveness, as she sometimes acts on her psychic visions without considering the consequences, and her vulnerability to supernatural threats.

· Triggers: The revelation of her father’s dark past and the dangers of the supernatural world trigger intense emotional responses and internal conflicts.

· Coping Mechanism: She copes by seeking answers and taking action, even when faced with overwhelming odds, which can sometimes lead to impulsive decisions.

Jacob (the brother):

· Situational: Fear – Jacob fears losing his humanity and succumbing to his vampire instincts, but he also hopes to find a way to maintain his humanity.

· Motivation: Need – He needs to protect his sister and friends from the dangers of the supernatural world, even if it means making sacrifices.

· Mask: Base Negative Emotion – His base negative emotion is guilt, and his public mask is one of strength and leadership, concealing his guilt about the choices he made that led to his transformation.

· Weaknesses: Jacob’s main weaknesses are his emotional vulnerability, especially when it comes to his family, and his struggle to control his vampire nature.

· Triggers: The threat to his loved ones and the internal battle between his human and vampire sides trigger his inner conflicts.

· Coping Mechanism: He copes by taking on the role of protector and leader, which helps him feel in control and counterbalances his vulnerability.

Freddy (brother’s best friend):

· Situational: Fear – Freddy fears the consequences of being a daylight-walking vampire and how it might affect his relationship with Jacob and Teresa. At the same time, he hopes to find a way to reconcile his vampire nature with his loyalty to his friends.

· Motivation: Want – He wants to keep his friends safe and prevent them from succumbing to the dangers of the supernatural world, but he also needs to come to terms with his own vampiric instincts.

· Mask: Base Negative Emotion – His base negative emotion is self-doubt, and his public mask is one of unwavering loyalty and strength, concealing his insecurities about being a daylight-walking vampire.

· Weaknesses: Freddy’s main weaknesses are his self-doubt and his need for validation from Jacob and Teresa, which can sometimes cloud his judgment.

· Triggers: The threat to his friends, the tension in his relationships, and the constant struggle to reconcile his vampire nature trigger his inner conflicts.

· Coping Mechanism: He copes by placing the well-being of his friends above everything else and acting as their protector, which helps him find purpose and validation.

Russ (the “friend” with secrets):

· Situational: Hope – Russ hopes to maintain his power and control in the supernatural world, but he also fears losing that control. He wants to relish his identity as a vampire and biological father to Jacob and Freddy.

· Motivation: Need – He needs to assert his dominance and control, even if it means keeping his identity as their father a secret. He wants to maintain his pride in being a vampire.

· Mask: Base Negative Emotion – His base negative emotion is arrogance, and his public mask is one of cunning and manipulation, concealing his underlying arrogance and pride.

· Weaknesses: Russ’s main weaknesses are his arrogance, his lack of desire for reconciliation, and his pride in his role in creating daylight-walking vampires.

· Triggers: The threat to his own power and control, the revelation of his secret identity to his sons, and the challenges to his arrogance trigger his inner conflicts.

· Coping Mechanism: He copes by using manipulation, power plays, and cunning to maintain control and keep his true identity hidden, all while reveling in his status as a vampire.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Brent Brent McKnight McKnight.

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

Brent McKnight’s 3 circles of characters

What I learned is that even just doing this first part of the process, I was able to come up with several storylines for these characters, just about their relationships with each other. I can’t wait until we use AI for idea generation later on.

Genre
= Grounded science fiction

Concept = A woman learns she’s part of a science
project that will allow their future selves to download into their current
selves. Her younger brother has suffered from blackouts his whole life. She
learns this is part of the testing protocol, to temporarily download in their
past selves to make sure this would work. Every time he had a blackout was when
his future self was downloaded. She learns her future brother is facing death.
She must choose who to save, her brother as he is now or his future self?

Sub-World = The new technology startup company

Additional information:

Character #1 is a woman with a computer science background. She’s in her 30’s.

Character #2 is her 25 year old brother who suffered from blackouts since he
was a teen.

Character #3 is the woman’s future lover who successfully
downloaded into his younger self. He tries to romance her, but she currently only thinks
of him as the arrogant fellow scientist she hates.

Character #4 is the driven
director of the startup who may or may not have already downloaded into
himself.

Character #5 is the female security chief who has a secret crush on
the brother.

AI generated:

A. Main Characters:

1. Character #1 (Evelyn Marlowe)

· Unique Role: Protagonist with a computer science background, discovers the truth about the science project and faces the difficult choice between her brother and his future self.

· Secret or Intrigue: Unearths a hidden agenda within the startup company involving the project.

2. Character #2 (Owen Marlowe)

· Unique Role: The 25-year-old brother of Evelyn, who has suffered from mysterious blackouts since his teens and is at the center of the project’s experiment.

· Secret or Intrigue: Unaware that his blackouts are connected to the project and that his future self is facing death.

3. Character #3 (Lucas Greaves)

· Unique Role: Evelyn’s future lover who has successfully downloaded into his younger self, attempting to win her affection.

· Secret or Intrigue: Hides his true motives and the knowledge of what awaits Owen’s future self.

4. Character #4 (Dr. Victoria Grayson)

· Unique Role: The driven director of the startup company, overseeing the entire project, possibly having already downloaded her future self.

· Secret or Intrigue: Her true agenda behind the experiment and her potential involvement in its darker aspects.

Character #5 (Lena Foster)

Unique Role: The 28-year-old female Security Director for
the lab, secretly harboring a crush on Owen (Buddy).
Secret or Intrigue: Her hidden affection for Buddy and
the mysterious events happening around Owen during his blackouts.

B. Connected Characters:

1. Character #6 (Dr. Samuel Hart)

· A colleague of Evelyn with knowledge about the project’s inner workings, assisting her in uncovering the truth.

2. Character #7 (Sophie Marlowe)

· Owen and Evelyn’s worried mother who plays a supportive role in their journey and uncovers her own connection to the project.

3. Character #8 (Nina Greaves)

· Lucas’s younger sister, who becomes involved in the unfolding drama and forms a unique bond with Owen.

4. Character #9 (Dr. Carter Reeves)

· A rival scientist who challenges Evelyn’s research and may hold vital information about the project’s origins.

C. Environment Characters (Sub-World: The new technology startup company):

1. Project Manager

2. Lab Technicians

3. IT Support Staff

4. Security Personnel

5. Investors and Stakeholders

6. Legal Counsel

7. Interns and Junior Researchers

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

Assignment 1

The Diplomat 3 circles of characters

A. Main characters: Kate Wyler, Hal Wyler, Stuart Heyford

B. Connected Circle: Prime Minister, CIA Chief of Station, Foreign Secretary, Secretary of State, President of US, Chief of Staff of President, Iranian operatives

C. Environment Circle: Housekeepers, Police officers, members of the press, government officials “from both sides of the pond”,

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

The diplomat 5 star model

What I learned from this lesson is a bingeworthy show must keep viewers constantly on their toes. Just when they think they know something about a character, wham! something changes.

Big picture hook: A woman is thrust unprepared into a role of great responsibility to test if she would be the right fit for an even bigger role, the Vice Presidency.

Amazing and Intriguing characters: An ambassador selected for Afghanistan winds up as the ambassador to England. She hates the pomp and circumstance, she would rather be in the sand and dirt of Afghanistan she was expecting to go to.

A former ambassador takes a diminished role as the spouse of the unprepared newly appointed ambassador. He uses manipulation behind the scenes to make her a success. But is his goal to make her successful, or to pull her strings.

Dubbed a “Kingmaker”, a term which he hates, her deputy has a secret mission to turn her into a potential vice president. He’s sleeping with the CIA chief of station, who may or may not have her best interests in mind.

3. Empathy/distress: We want not only her to succeed personally, but her mission to succeed in preventing an escalating war. At this point in the series, I personally only feel empathy for Kate, but not the others. Especially for Hal, her manipulative husband.

4. Layers/open loops: Will she get fired? Who kidnapped Hal? How much power does Hal actually have? Who is responsible for the bombing? Who else knows about the VP stepping down? Who on her staff is working for her, and who against her? Why didn’t the president let the Secretary of State know she’s the ambassador? Why is the Sec of State getting the runaround? Is the President’s power slipping?

I didn’t pick it up until the later reveal, but their marriage is on the rocks. It’s a marriage of convenience, not of love… if there ever was love. She fell for this charming, rouge of an ambassador, to later become wise to his tricks. Probably too late after they tied the knot. On the second watch through, the tension between them was obvious, and not merely because of stressful situations.

Interesting plants/reveals: Early comment about the sheets on the bed were strange. That became part of the later reveal. Hal mentioned Kate was like Cinderella. She hated that. But showed her own manipulation later when she embraced the Cinderella persona to save her job. Cinderella is even in the title of the show. Hal and the Chief of Staff appeared to be working together to make her ready for the VP nomination.

5. Inviting obsession: I love political intrigue shows, especially with the manipulation and backstabbing. Leaving the episode on the cliffhanger with Hal being kidnapped, and no one even aware of it was interesting.

We must find out how this “sink or swim” situation plays out. Will those against her get their comeuppance?

Show tropes: Little fish in a big pond (Kate), big fish in a little pond (Hal). Fish out of water (Kate), sink or swim (Kate), puppet master (Hal)

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

As a member of this group, I, Brent McKnight, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

1. Brent McKnight

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Over 10. Some good, some bad, some great.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? How to create a show that everyone MUST watch.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’m an air force brat, my father was in the military.

5. What ProSeries, Writing Incredible Movies, or Binge Worthy TV class you were in. MSC-15

[Brent Brent McKnight McKnight]

He did paste one. He also said don’t worry about what the prompt is, it will be in the lesson. It’s probably a complicated prompt to set up the grid. Much easier to copy/paste the prompt from the upcoming lesson.