[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s Outline Exchange #1

I’m looking for someone to exchange outlines with. Email me if you want to swap.

Title: Amy on the Train

Written By: Melanie Collup

Email address: mcollup@gmail.com

Genre: Rom-Com Concept: When a visually-impaired, mild-mannered librarian in her 50s creates a secret identity as a pole dancer on the NYC subway trains, she finds herself in a Clark Kent/Lois Lane/Superman-type love triangle with one of her library patrons who falls in love with her alter ego and is determined to learn her true identity.

[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this lesson is that it is so much easier to make big changes when you are working from an outline instead of the script. It makes it easier to let go of parts that aren’t driving the story.

Improvements:

Made sure the conventions of rom-coms are all present and strong in the outline

Gave my antagonist a stronger story line that is no so influenced by the antagonist

[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is that each main character needs to have their own strong story line. One character can’t just be driven by the other character and what is happening with them.

1. Amy

Beginning: She is a librarian
who loves dance and is in love with Phil but is too afraid to do anything
about either of them.

Turning Point: She creates the
secret identity of the Dancing Queen and dances on the subway trains

Midpoint: After being
humiliated, she has stopped dancing.

Dilemma: Does she take a risk
and keep dancing or does she revert back to her comfort zone and give up
something she loves?

Turning Point 2: Amy confronts
her fears, begins dancing again and takes steps to pursue a relationship
with Phil.

Major Conflict: Amy confronts
the source of her childhood fear, Miss Catherine, head on. She stands up
for herself and all the other students Miss Catherine has berated.

Ending: Amy has overcome her
fear, she is dancing again and planning a life with Phil

2. Phil

Beginning: Phil is an
accountant whose self-esteem has been completely destroyed by a painful
divorce. He can’t see himself as desirable so he sees no possibility of
romance on the horizon. He yearns for adventure, but it too fearful to
take any chances.

Turning Point: He sees the
Dancing Queen on the train and falls in love.

Midpoint: He takes dance
lessons in an attempt to make himself more desirable to the Dancing Queen.

Turning Point 2: Phil
misinterprets something the Dancing Queen does as her disinterest. He
gives up his pursuit of her.

Major Conflict: Does he pursue
the Dancing Queen at great risk to his self-esteem or does he resign
himself to a life devoid of love and romance?

Ending: Phil realizes Amy is
the Dancing Queen. He professes his love to her and she reciprocates. They
plan a trip to Paris together.

[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s Character Profiles

What I learned from this assignment is that one of my main characters does not keep any secrets or have a hidden agenda. I need to explore some possibilities that would still be in keeping with the rest of who he is. Or consider the possibility that giving him a secret or hidden agenda might create an entirely different character and that might be interesting to consider.

A. Name: Amy

B. Role in the
Story: Amy is the protagonist who creates an alter ego of a pole
dancer on the NYC subway trains.

C. Core Traits: Intelligent,
Articulate, Kind, Overly rigid and locked into routine

D. Motivation:
Want/Need: WANT: To rediscover her love of dance. NEED: To overcome
her fear of rejection.

E. Flaw/Wound: FLAW:
She lacks self-confidence in anything outside her routine. WOUND: She was
emotionally devastated by her childhood dance instructor. The experience
destroyed her love of dance and resulted in Amy’s fear of rejection and
unwillingness to “put herself out there” in a meaningful way.

F. Secret/Hidden
Agenda: SECRET: Amy has a secret identity and she hides that fact
from the rest of the world, including those closest to her. HIDDEN AGENDA:
Amy can reignite her love for dancing without dealing with her fear of
rejection because she does it anonymously as the Dancing Queen.

G. Internal Dilemma: Amy
wants Phil’s love, but to get it she must reveal her secret identity which
requires her to face her fear of rejection head-on.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? Amy and the Dancing Queen are
opposites when it comes to taking risks and putting herself out there. One
of them loves Phil, Phil loves the other, setting up the need for Amy to
embrace the Dancing Queen as a part of herself in order to get Phil.

A. Name: Phil

B. Role in the
Story: Phil is the object of Amy’s affection but because of his total
lack of self-confidence when it comes to romance, he can’t see that.
Instead he falls for the unobtainable woman, the Dancing Queen.

C. Core Traits: Book
smart, self-deprecating, gun-shy

D. Motivation:
Want/Need: WANT: The love of the Dancing Queen NEED: To recognize his
own worthiness.

E. Flaw/Wound: FLAW:
He is so risk-averse he can’t even climb a step ladder. WOUND: A painful
divorce from an emasculating woman has left him believing he is unlovable
as he is now.

F. Secret/Hidden
Agenda: SECRET: Phil’s pursuit of the Dancing Queen is hidden from
Amy (although this is not intentional on Phil’s part). HIDDEN AGENDA: He
doesn’t have one. He is an open book even though it is sometimes painful
for him.

[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s Genre Conventions

What I learned from doing today’s lesson is that the genre conventions of a rom-com are already strongly present in my script but there are always ways to build on them and improve them.

Title: Amy on the Train

Concept: When a visually impaired, mild-mannered librarian in her 50s creates a secret identity as a pole dancer on the NYC subway trains, she finds herself in a a Clark Kent/Lois Lane/Superman-type love triangle with one of her library patrons who falls in love with her alter ego and is determined to learn her true identity.

Genre: Rom-com

Purpose: To have the audience experience falling in love again.

The Journey of Love: Amy is in love with Phil right from the start, but she refuses to ask him out. She says it’s because he has just been through a devastating divorce and isn’t ready for a new relationship, but it’s really because she is afraid of rejection. She gradually works up the courage to show him who she really is and trusts that he will feel the same way about her that she feels about him. Phil starts out as an insecure man whose divorce has decimated his self-confidence. He is incredibly risk-averse and afraid to try something new, even though he yearns for adventure. He gains the courage to step out of his comfort zone and take dance lessons when he falls in love with the Dancing Queen. But he overcomes his fear of heights when he realizes the woman he loves is really Amy and she needs him.

Relationship Set-Up: Amy loves Phil. Phil loves the Dancing Queen. Amy is the Dancing Queen.

Issues: Amy’s fear of rejection keeps her from asking Phil out on a date. It keeps her from revealing her secret identity to him, even though she knows he is in love with her secret identity. Phil lacks any semblance of self-confidence when it comes to romantic relationships. He is extremely risk-averse and afraid of just about everything, but particularly heights.

Separation: Amy is in love with Phil, but she knows he is in love with another woman. She doesn’t know that the other woman is her alter ego, the Dancing Queen. Phil is in love with the Dancing Queen, but he doesn’t realize she is really Amy.

Comedy: A legally blind, 50-something woman awkwardly pole dancing. The avid fans of the Dancing Queen who post videos that go viral. Phil is so afraid of heights that he can’t even climb a step ladder.

[Melanie Collup]

Melanie’s 4-Act Structure

What I learned from this assignment is to stay open to discovering something new that will improve the story.

• Title: Amy on the Train

• Genre: Rom-com

• Concept: When a visually impaired, mild-mannered librarian in her 50s creates a secret identity as a pole dancer on the NYC subway trains, she finds herself in a a Clark Kent/Lois Lane/Superman-type love triangle with one of her library patrons who falls in love with her alter ego and is determined to learn her true identity.

• Main Conflict: Amy wants to protect her secret identity but Phil is determined to expose it.

4 Act Structure

Act 1:

• Opening: A picture-perfect walk in Central Park in falling snow. Phil proposes to Amy. (But this is just Amy’s fantasy.)

• Inciting Incident: Laurie and Carrie accuse Amy of being stuck in a rut and challenge her to take a chance and step out of her comfort zone. Amy creates the alter ego of the Dancing Queen.

• Turning Point: Phil sees the Dancing Queen on the train. He doesn’t recognize that she is Amy. He instantly falls in love.

Act 2:

• New plan: Amy plans to express herself through dancing on the trains but keep her true identity a secret.

• Plan in action: Amy dances on the trains as the Dancing Queen while keeping her identity a secret from everyone in her life even though the Dancing Queen has gone viral.

• Midpoint Turning Point: Phil reminds Amy of her love for dancing and she resolves to revive her Dancing Queen persona.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: Amy recognizes that her fear of judgement is outweighed by her love of dance.

• New plan: Amy goes back to dancing on the trains but it is getting more and more difficult for her to hide her secret from the people she is close to.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Amy has finally worked up the courage to attend Phil’s dance recital only to be devastated by Miss Catherine’s tirade. Amy flees rather than stay and fight.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Amy returns to the dance studio with Phil and confronts Miss Catherine.

• Resolution: Amy and Phil have their first real date.

[Melanie Collup]

Subject: Amy on the Train

What I learned doing this assignment… I feel like my current draft is pretty strong, but I am excited about looking for ways to improve it that I haven’t thought of before.

A. Genre: Rom-Com
B. Title: Amy on the Train
C. High Concept: When a visually impaired, mild-mannered librarian in her 50s creates a secret identity as a pole dancer on the NYC subway trains, she finds herself in a Clark Kent/Lois Lane/Superman-type love triangle with one of her library patrons who falls in love with her alter ego and is determined to learn her true identity.

D. Main Conflict: Amy wants to protect her secret identity but Phil is determined to expose it.
E. Transformational Journey: Amy begins as a woman locked into her daily routines, afraid to step into her own power, and yearning for romance. She ends up a fully expressed woman who embraces taking risks, including the biggest risk of all: falling in love.

Phil starts out as a risk-averse man who is terrified of heights and whose self-confidence has been decimated by his recent divorce. He becomes a man willing to step out of his comfort zone in pursuit of the woman he loves and even overcomes his fear of heights.
F. Opposition:

[Melanie Collup]

I, Melanie Collup, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Melanie Collup]

Hi there! I’m Melanie and I’ve written about a dozen scripts. I hope to learn a repeatable process I can go through to rewrite my scripts to increase their quality and marketability. I’ve written a variety of genres, but most recently I’ve been writing feel-good, inspirational comedies with female leads over the age of 50. I’ve taken trapeze classes and I can tie balloon animals. (Maybe I’m just a closeted circus performer at heart! Haha!) I’m looking forward to following the progress of everyone’s scripts as we go through this class together!

[Melanie Collup]

Connie, I’d be happy to trade outlines with you. I’m mid-swap with someone else right now, but after I get those notes back, I will send you my revised outline. You can send me yours whenever you are ready.

[Melanie Collup]

Since I’m a hockey fan, how can I NOT want to read this?!

I have a rom-com, if you’re interested in swapping.