[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Elevated Interest

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: this helped me really take a good look at these key scenes and make sure they are totally riveting. Here’s the major things I did:

Sc 1 (opening)–

Misinterpretation – Heightened the tension when Kapoor assumes Japheth is there to help him and Japheth refuses

External dilemma – Made Kapoor’s two unappealing choices more clear – go the easy way and risk being seen and caught, go the hard way and maybe die or be seriously injured.

Internal dilemma –highlighted Japheth’s struggle a little more – is he there to help K or help himself and his sister? He only helps K because because K threatens to destroy the package.

Uncomfortable Moment – Made some action more awkward and embarrassing for Kapoor

Mislead/reveal – Did more in the appliance tubes to make it look like K is going to die or get caught-then reveal it’s Japheth

Sc 5 (break into 2) –

Superior position – people start pouring out of the clinic and it goes dark- audience sees before they notice

Twist – we hold off on the enhanced MSF and dogs showing up until they are already in the middle of the fight

More interesting setting – through old restaurant kitchen, showing some of the world

Surprise – reveal Japheth is having problems with his nanotech as he’s trying to escape, worse possible time

External dilemma – dog is clamped onto his foot and MSF Operative is approaching, how to quietly lose the dog – and then he notices its collar and realizes he needs it – barely gets away

Sc 9 (midpoint) –

This is a tough scene because even though it’s super important and there’s a big reveal, it’s a lot of talk.

Intrigue – I made her insist that he let her take a look at his tech – which gives her the opportunity to do something to him that will come back later – I’ll make it part of the end scene when his tech is screwing up – in the meantime it makes this scene more interesting because she is doing something the whole time and Japheth is kind of helplessly lying on the table, twitching and in pain.

Ending sequence –

Betrayal/reveal – I have the new stuff I put in the midpoint come back here – he gets his tech working again, and then she sends him a freeze code, so that’s what makes him have to turn it all off.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Elevated Emotion –

What I learned: Going through every scene like this helped me find a lot of places to up the emotions.

Most significantly, in a scene where our heroes get captured by a dangerous gang, I upped the tension and danger a lot and kept the suspense going for much longer. The other changes were smaller, but helped to focus the emotion and make it more compelling overall.

I also changed the opening so that it's less cliche and gets right to the more interesting parts, and introduces the hero in a very heroic and dramatic way.

And I changed the ending to be less of a perfect happy ending to make it a little more realistic and more in line with cyberpunk conventions, which have their own distinct expectations aside from the overarching category of scifi-thriller.

Excited to move to the next steps.

[Kathryn Gould]

Subject Line: Kathryn’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

Elevator Pitch:

I’m working on a cyberpunk thriller about kids who use medical nanotech to give themselves superpowers (and if they ask for more…) they fight against a giant evil corporation, until they find out their mentor has released a deadly virus that will kill anyone with the latest nanotech, and they have to team up with their enemies to stop it.

Phone Pitch:

Hi I’m Kathryn Gould, I’m a produced and repped screenwriter, and I’ve got a scifi thriller I’d love to pitch you.
“Enhancement Protocol” is about a young biohacker who steals medical nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers, and they end up fighting against the largest nanotech company in the world when they discover that the company’s latest product- which can cure any disease for a price- contains powerful mind control software. And at the end there’s a huge twist when they discover their mentor has released a deadly virus that will kill anyone with the latest nanotech, and they have to team up with their enemies to stop it.

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Kathryn Gould and I’m repped by Verve Talent. I’m a produced screenwriter with several paid writing assignments under my belt.

I’ve written a scifi/thriller, and the title is “Enhancement Protocol”.
It’s about a young biohacker who steals medical nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers, and they go up against the largest nanotech company in the world when they discover that the latest product- which can cure any disease- contains powerful mind control software.

Query Letter:

Dear _______,

What if there was a technology that could heal any disease- but only the very wealthy could afford it?

Ther hero of my cyberpunk thriller “Enhancement Protocol” is Japheth Bridges, a kid from the slums who uses stolen nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers. With guidance from their mentor, the group routinely infiltrates Medinano, the world’s largest medical nanotech company, to steal their latest products. But when their contact on the inside suddenly demands they smuggle him out before he’s killed, Japheth has to use the new technology to reduce his sister’s life-signs to zero, sneak her out in the trash, and then bring her back to life! And when they finally make it home, after a harrowing pursuit by gangsters, they discover a deadly secret-

Medinano has integrated mind control programming into the latest nanotech, which they are spreading to the wealthy and powerful all over the world!

Despite his mentor’s warnings, our hero decides to risk everything to expose Medinano’s plans. But he is betrayed by one of his closest allies, his best friend is killed, and Japheth and his sister are taken captive. Just as they are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their nanotech-

Doctors and nurses start dropping dead around them.

Japheth discovers that his mentor planted a virus that is killing everyone who has the newest nanotech! Will he team up with his greatest enemy to try and stop his mentor’s deadly plans, or let thousands of – not so innocent – people die?

BIO: Kathryn Gould is a produced and repped screenwriter with a passion for big worlds and complex characters.

Contact: Tarik Heitmann, Kinetic Media or Adam Levine, Verve Talent

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Phone Pitch

I learned: That a “no” isn’t a rejection, it’s just someone protecting themself and their company.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

• Lead with credibility.

o Hi I’m Kathryn Gould, I’m a produced and repped screenwriter, and I’ve got a scifi thriller I’d love to pitch you.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

“Enhancement Protocol” is about a young biohacker who steals medical nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers, and they end up fighting against the largest nanotech company in the world when they discover that the company’s latest product- which can cure any disease for a price- contains powerful mind control software.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

• What’s the budget range? $15-30 million

• Who do you see in the main roles? Timothee Chalomet, Jacob Elordi for the hero; Sigourney Weaver, Viola Davis for the antagonist

• How many pages is the script? 110

• Who else has seen this? You’re the first!

• Why do you think this fits our company? Because you have done x, y, z

• How does the movie end?

o They break into the nanotech company HQ to try and expose the mind control and in the process discover that their mentor released a deadly virus that’s killing everyone with the new nanotech. So they have to team up with the CEO of the company to stop it.

o No matter what they do, they only seem to be able to slow the virus down, until they figure out that the key to stopping the virus was hidden in a vaccine that their mentor gave to thousands of people in the slums. They appeal to the poorest, most downtrodden people in their society to come donate blood to stop the virus, and the crisis is averted.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned: Hook them with the most interesting ideas and get them talking and asking questions!

Hi, I’m Kathryn Gould and I’m repped by Verve Talent. I’m a produced screenwriter with several paid writing assignments under my belt.

I’ve written a scifi/thriller, and the title is “Enhancement Protocol”.

It’s about a young biohacker who steals medical nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers, and they go up against the largest nanotech company in the world when they discover that the latest product- which can cure any disease- contains powerful mind control software.

Questions-

1. Budget range – $20-30 million

2. Actors – Timothee Chalomet, Jacob Elordi for the hero; Sigourney Weaver, Viola Davis for the antagonist

3. Acts –

 Act 1 – Japheth and crew infiltrate Medinano, but when their contact on the inside suddenly demands they smuggle him out before he’s killed, Japheth has to use the new technology to reduce his sister’s life-signs to zero, sneak her out in the trash, and then bring her back to life! When they finally make it home, they discover the mind control software.

 Act 2 – Their mentor, Dr. Bennett, tells them to forget about it, Medinano is too big and powerful to fight. And then her clinic is attacked by Medinano forces, and Japheth and his friends are accused of killing Dr. Bennett. Certain she’s alive, they elude Medinano Security Forces as they set out to find her.

 Act 3 – Discovering their mentor hiding out with a dangerous gang of drug dealers, they learn to their shock that she is giving up and escaping to Canada, and she invites them to come along. But as they’re considering her offer, Japheth and his friends are captured by a rival gang, whom Japheth wins over by helping the gang leader’s daughter overcome a debilitating condition and walk for the first time.

 Act 4 – Japheth and the group decide to infiltrate Medinano once more and expose their plans to the world, but everything goes wrong and they are captured, one of them is even killed. But then just when Japheth and his sister are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their nanotech, doctors and nurses start dropping dead around them. They discover that Dr. Bennett wasn’t going to Canada after all – she released a deadly virus that’s killing everyone with the new nanotech. They’ll have to team up with their worst enemy, the CEO of Medinano, to stop it.

4. How does it end?

 No matter what they do, they only seem to be able to slow the virus down, but never stop it. Hundreds of thousands of people are going to die. And then they finally figure out that the key to stopping the virus was hidden in a vaccine that Dr. Bennett gave to thousands of people in the slums. They have to call on the poorest and most oppressed people in the society to come and donate blood. They open the big gates that separate the wealthy center of the city from the slums, and they wait. And finally the first person through is the little girl who Japheth helped walk. And then more and more people start coming through, and the crisis is averted. Dr. Bennett takes her own life, and Japheth and his sister start trying to put their society back together.

5. Credibility/ What have you done?

 I was a co-writer on the modified low budget horror film Apartment 212 starring Penelope Mitchell and Kyle Gass.

 I have worked with directors Joern Heitmann (Rammstein videos) and Alex Orrelle (The Incredibles, Space Jam 2) to develop and pitch their original ideas. I was hired to rewrite a feature animated script for German Production company Filmallee Entertainment, and I was hired to develop two animated TV series, one for Snowball Entertainment in Canada and another with Axis Entertainment (Love, Death and Robots), which was based on a series of James Patterson books.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Query Letter

Dear _______,

What if there was a technology that could heal any disease- but only the very wealthy could afford it?

Ther hero of my cyberpunk thriller “Enhancement Protocol” is Japheth Bridges, a kid from the slums who uses stolen nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers. With guidance from their mentor, the group routinely infiltrates Medinano, the world’s largest medical nanotech company, to steal their latest products. But when their contact on the inside suddenly demands they smuggle him out before he’s killed, Japheth has to use the new technology to reduce his sister’s life-signs to zero, sneak her out in the trash, and then bring her back to life! And when they finally make it home, after a harrowing pursuit by gangsters, they discover a deadly secret-

Medinano has integrated mind control programming into the latest nanotech, which they are spreading to the wealthy and powerful all over the world!

Despite his mentor’s warnings, our hero decides to risk everything to expose Medinano’s plans. But he is betrayed by one of his closest allies, his best friend is killed, and Japheth and his sister are taken captive. Just as they are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their nanotech-

Doctors and nurses start dropping dead around them.

Japheth discovers that his mentor planted a virus that is killing everyone who has the newest nanotech! Will he team up with his greatest enemy to try and stop his mentor’s deadly plans, or let thousands of – not so innocent – people die?

BIO: Kathryn Gould is a produced and repped screenwriter with a passion for big worlds and complex characters.

Contact: Tarik Heitmann, Kinetic Media or Adam Levine, Verve Talent

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned: Getting the twist into the elevator pitch makes it more powerful and will elicit a better response. In talking to people, I’ve also learned I can parcel it out in stages, like this:

What are you working on? – Oh, it’s a cyberpunk thriller.

Oh cool, what’s the story? – It’s about these kids who use medical nanotechnology to give themselves superpowers, and they fight against the biggest and most corrupt medical nanotech firm in the world.

Oh, fun! – Yeah… until they find out their mentor has released a deadly virus that will kill anyone with the latest nanotech, and they have to team up with their enemies to stop it.

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

– A kid who steals nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers goes up against the most powerful medical nanotech company in the world when he discovers they are putting mind control software in their latest product—then in a final twist has to team up with them when he discovers that his mentor has released a deadly virus attacking everyone who has the mind control tech.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

• Dilemma – the dilemma comes at the end when he has to decide to save the people with the mind control tech – who are mostly people who have tried to hurt him and his friends.

• Main Conflict – the main conflict of the story is trying to fight against the tech company and expose what they are doing.

• What’s at stake? – the future of the world’s governments and thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of lives

• Goal/Unique Opposition – Goal is to stop Medinano from taking over the world; unique opposition ends up being his mentor, whose solution to the problem is to kill everyone who has the tech.

2. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

a. I’m working on a cyberpunk thriller about kids who use nanotech to give themselves superpowers in order to fight against the biggest and most corrupt nanotech company in the world, until they learn that their mentor has released a deadly virus and they have to team up with their enemies in order to stop it.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned: I have done this process in several previous classes and I am always pleasantly surprised at how well it works and what an exciting pitch emerges!

Title: Enhancement Protocol

Written By: Kathryn Gould

Genre: Scifi-Thriller

Japheth Bridges could have been a talented physician, saving lives and curing diseases – but he was born in the Dregs, a massive, dangerous slum where the only rule is take care of your own, screw everyone else. So instead, he became a brilliant biohacker and learned to push the limits of human physiology.

Only problem? The materials he needs to give himself and his friends superpowers are locked inside a veritable fortress, the headquarters of the largest medical nanotech corporation in the world- Medinano- in the heart of the wealthy, walled-off city called “The Uppers”.

Our story opens right in the middle of the action as Japheth, his sister Nell, and their friend Olly infiltrate Medinano to steal their latest product – a routine mission, until their contact on the inside demands they smuggle him out before he’s killed. Japheth has to use the new technology to reduce Nell’s life-signs to zero, sneak her out in the trash, and then bring her back to life!

And when they finally make it home – after being pursued by gangsters – they discover that Medinano has integrated mind control programming into the latest nanotech, which they are spreading all over the world! They go to their mentor, a brilliant doctor who lost her medical license for pirating nanotech to help the poor, and ask for her help. But she tells them she’s giving up and skipping town – afraid to take on the giant corporation that already destroyed her life once.

Despite her warnings, Japheth, Nell, Olly and Japheth’s love interest, Lila, decide to risk everything to fight and try to expose Medinano’s plans. But they are betrayed by one of their own, one of them is killed, and Japheth and Nell are taken captive.

As they are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their stolen nanotech, the doctors and nurses start succumbing to a strange illness and dropping dead around them. Japheth and Nell discover that their mentor planted a virus that is killing everyone who has the newest nanotech!

Millions will die if they do nothing, so they are faced with a dilemma: Try to stop their mentor’s deadly plans, or let the people who have hurt them, along with millions of innocent people, die.

[Kathryn Gould]

Okay, better, shortened version-

What if there was a technology that could heal any disease- but only the very wealthy could afford it?

Japheth Bridges is a kid from the slums who uses stolen nanotech to give himself and his friends superpowers, and they routinely infiltrate Medinano, the world’s largest medical nanotech company, to steal their latest products. But when their contact on the inside suddenly demands they smuggle him out before he’s killed, Japheth has to use the new technology to reduce his sister’s life-signs to zero, sneak her out in the trash, and then bring her back to life! And when they finally make it home, after a harrowing pursuit by gangsters, they discover a deadly secret-

Medinano has integrated mind control programming into the latest nanotech, which they are spreading to the wealthy and powerful all over the world!

Despite his mentor’s warnings, our hero decides to risk everything to fight and try to expose Medinano’s plans. But he is betrayed by one of his closest allies, his best friend is killed, and Japheth and his sister are taken captive. Just as they are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their nanotech-

Doctors and nurses start dropping dead around them.

Japheth discovers that his mentor planted a virus that is killing everyone who has the newest nanotech! Will he team up with his greatest enemy to try and stop his mentor’s deadly plans, or let thousands of – not so innocent – people die?

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned: This was actually really encouraging, because I learned that my story is really exciting and has tons of awesome, marketable elements!

o Hero gave himself and his friends nanotech upgrades and they now have superpowers

o Story dives right into the action as our heroes infiltrate a high-tech medical nanotechnology corporation to steal their latest product and sneak one of their scientists out – our heroes think this is a routine mission, when suddenly they are confronted with a challenging dilemma which requires one of them to die and be brought back to life!

o They discover mind control programming in the latest version of the medical nanotech they stole.

o Hero’s sister has spina bifida and can only walk because hero hacked her tech, and when they are captured by a dangerous gang known as the Vipers, instead of being killed, the head Viper asks him to program his daughter’s tech because she also has spina bifida, and then the gang accepts them and helps them break into Medinano.

o When our hero and his friends decide to fight and try to expose Medinano’s mind control plans to the world, they are betrayed by one of their own, one of them is killed, and the hero and his sister are taken captive.

o Final twist – As they are about to undergo a dangerous procedure to remove their medical nanotech, the doctors and nurses start succumbing to a strange illness and dropping dead around them. They discover that their mentor planted a virus that is killing everyone who has the newest nanotech!

o Millions will die if they do nothing, so they are faced with an emotional dilemma: Try to stop their mentor’s deadly plans, or let the people who have hurt them, along with millions of relatively innocent people, die?

o They have to team up with their enemies to try and stop the virus.

o Ultimately they have to call on all the poor, sick, and cast out people who society has thrown away to come help them stop the virus and save millions of lives.

o Possibility for lots of really cool, stylized visuals, and could be done live-action, animated, or a blend of the two.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Meets Producer/Manager

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

For a producer I will focus on the most marketable aspect of this project – which are the scifi thriller genre and really exciting story. I also believe this could be filmed for a relatively low budget because the settings are still real world and the technology is mostly invisible.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

If I were trying to get a new manager, I would focus on the fact that this is just one of several very marketable ideas that I have, listen carefully to their notes and make a timely rewrite, and have the other scripts ready that I have written for directors to show that I’m collaborative and able and willing to write other people’s ideas as well.

What I learned is that managers and producers are looking for different things and that I need to approach them differently.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Loves Character Depth

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned was that looking at these elements again can lead to breakthroughs.

Changes:

I decided to have Japheth’s tech starting to fail so that by the end he has to shut it down and lose his powers. I also decided to try out how it feels for Lila to betray them twice. It fits what I’ve done with the beginning, I’m just a little worried that it won’t be believable if they forgive her twice.

I’m going to have Japheth torture Langdon a bit more for what he did to Olly. Not enough to make it feel like he’s gone to the dark side, but enough to feel satisfying to the audience.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Marketable Components

What I learned: I have four possible options for marketability. Right now I think the best one is great roles for bankable actors.

1. Tell us your current logline.

A team of young biohackers discover a nefarious scheme that uses medical nanotechnology to turn innocent people into mind-controlled sleeper agents, while their own mentor harbors a deadly secret agenda.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.

• A. Unique.

• D. Timely.

• G. Wide audience appeal.

• J. A great role for a bankable actor.

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate the components you chose for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through those components.

Unique – there haven’t been very many movies about biohacking or nanotech – this concept has the potential to be really stylized and visually stunning

Timely – we are in a healthcare crisis and lots of people are upset about how corporations are profiting off of people being sick and dying

Wide audience appeal – the heroes are young to attract teens and up, their mentor is middle aged and has a compelling story of her own

Great roles – The hero would be a great role for a young actor like Timothy Chalamet – the character is a brilliant hacker who has given himself superpowers, but is struggling with the consequences of those choices. He matures from just trying to protect his family and friends to being willing to step up and fight for everyone, while losing his powers in the process. The mentor/antagonist is a really complex character who could be played by a big star like Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Yeoh, or Whoopi Goldberg – she goes from being someone the hackers all look up to, to the person who is willing to kill millions of people for her cause.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Project and Market

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Sci-fi/Thriller

“Enhancement Protocol”

A young biohacker and his friends fight to stay alive after they discover a dangerous secret about the most powerful corporation in the world.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

There’s a huge twist at the end of the story when our heroes discover that their mentor has released a deadly virus that will kill the most wealthy citizens of their city, and possibly the world, and they must team up with the leader of the corporation who has been trying to kill them in order to stop the virus and save millions of lives.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I will first show it to my manager, and if he likes it then we will show it to my agent, and then presumably they will take it out. If they decide not to or nothing is happening there, then I will try targeting producers myself.

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

Today I learned that less is more, and that I need to boil the essence of my story down to the most exciting and marketable elements in order to sell it. Sell, don’t tell.

[Kathryn Gould]

replied in the wrong place sorry

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Kathryn Gould.

[Kathryn Gould]

If anyone is still looking for an exchange at this point in the lessons, I’m ready for that now.

Kathryn

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Solves Scene Problems

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

I obviously took a very long time to get through this assignment, but I literally found something to improve in every single scene. Too much to list everything here, but some of the highlights are that I added a lot of tension and danger in the scene where they are captured by a violent gang (you would think that would already be there, lol, but somehow I missed it on my first draft), I gave the main character a secret and tried to work that in throughout, although it still needs improving, I gave the betrayal by the love interest more weight, made it take longer to forgive, and I made the antagonist a stronger presence throughout the final battle, which again seems obvious but she is a hidden antagonist and they are mostly fighting against the things she has set up, so it was a little tough to get her more involved. I still have a lot to improve, but I feel like the draft has really improved.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn is Cliché Busting! – sort of

I honestly found this incredibly difficult. In fact, debilitating. I found plenty of stuff that felt familiar, kind of tropy, and so I fixed what I could of that. I ran one scene through AI to ask what it thought was cliche, and it said pretty much everything – the cold, aloof scientist is a cliche, the main character being warned about something but doing it anyway is a cliche, I just didn't know what to do with that. I couldn't identify any scenes that were directly from other movies. I mean, there are plenty of movies where people have to get past tight security, but… what do you do about that? The characters have to get past tight security, it's essential to the plot. I tried to make it as unique as I could. I had them climbing through air ducts, but I did recognize that one as a bit Die Hard-y, so I made up a whole system of robots that do maintenance in the building and a series of tubes they get around in that my characters use to infiltrate the building instead.

After I guess a month or so of being stalled on this one assignment, I have made the decision to take back control of my creative process and just move on.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Solved Character Problems!

I choose to be a highly creative and energized screenwriter who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – solving character problems now solves script problems later!

My hero's intro is pretty cool, but I added some fun details to make him feel a little cooler and more interesting.

I drastically improved my antagonist's intro, giving her a hero's entrance that will make the audience's hearts break when they realize she's the villain.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Structure Solutions

I choose to be a highly energized and creative writer who loves her life making big movies and working with the most creative people in the world.

I found a lot of structural issues to address:

– I chopped ten pages from the first act because everything happened too late

– I made a stronger 1st turning point by cutting out some deliberation and going straight into the action of a battle to mark the protagonist joining the struggle

– I changed a scene in the beginning where he helps an old lady to where he deserts her to look after himself and his little sister to make sure that his "old ways" of bitterness and selfishness are more clear.

– I clarified some logic issues that were bugging me

– I found a way to make the antagonist more present in the final battle and to clearly oppose their two ways of looking at the world

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Finished Act 4!

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

This felt so good. It was a quite a sprint to get to the end, but I celebrated with a bottle of wine and then went to LA to see my friend's short film at the LA Shorts festival!

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Continues Act 4

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Started Act 4

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to. Realized reading this lesson that my conflict in the end doesn't have enough interaction between the protag and antag, so now that's on the list to fix for 2nd draft.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Finishing Act 3

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Continuing Act 3

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Began Act 3

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Finishing Up Act 2

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

Finished all this a while ago but was on the move and too busy to post. It went well, and I loved using writing sprints to power through and keep me mindful of writing at a lower quality than I'm used to.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Continuing Act 2

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

I am on page 72 and only just got to what I had planned to be my midpoint, so I don't think my act breaks are going to line up like I thought they would. But that doesn't matter, because it's just a first draft and I'm just going to keep on writing!

What I learned: I'm going in 15 minute sprints now. I like the pace a lot, and often when the timer goes off I'm on a roll and just keep writing. It's fun and never feels like I'm slogging. I love it. Getting used to not wordsmithing. I laughed today at how bad some of the description is, but I didn't fix it. I'm like Dory–just keep writing, writing, writing, just keep writing…

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Gould Begins Act 2

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Wow. This was hard. I set my timer for 15 minutes and I only got halfway through the scene. But it's the fastest I've written so far, so I will keep using this technique to help me write in sprints, and hopefully I'll get better at it and be able to actually finish a scene in that time and then maybe start reducing my time. It's definitely a good way to stop myself from getting picky about the words.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Finished Act 1

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I think my first act is too long, and normally I would start worrying about this and go back and try to fix it, but I'm just plowing on!

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Next Act 1 Scenes

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: To just keep on keeping on! The more I go, the easier it gets.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Act 1 First Draft Part 1

I choose to be a highly energized and creative writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – starting to get into the groove. Came to a place where I felt like another scene was needed, so I just wrote "may need a scene here where they do x" and then kept going. It's getting fun.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's high speed writing rules

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Getting better. This was a fairly complex action scene with some logistics to figure out, but I managed to do 6 pages in about an hour and 15 minutes, so I think that's progress.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s First Scene

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I am not used to writing this fast and I have some habits to break. I constantly had to remind myself – “that doesn’t matter, just get it down”

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.
What I learned: Envisioning the beginning, middle and end of a scene each with a different interest technique is a great way to start visualizing my individual scenes and will make them fun to write and gripping for the reader.

Act 1:
1. INT/EXT. MEDINANO ENTRANCE – DAY
Beginning – (Intrigue) Gleaming buildings in a perfect city, follow three uniformed waste workers as they push a large empty trash bin toward an entrance, they glance nervously at cameras and the guns carried by the security personnel. Inside, we see that it’s a security checkpoint.
Middle – (Uncomfortable Moment/ Mislead) As they stand in line, the waste workers (two young men (22, 18) and a young woman (16)) stare straight ahead, seem perfectly calm. But the young woman (Nell) nervously taps her ID card against the side of her leg. The older of the two young men (Japheth) stops the tapping. It’s their turn. The security guards make fun of Japheth’s thick glasses. The three remain silent.
End – (Suspense) The security guards scrutinize the three more than others, but let them pass.
2. INT. MEDINANO HALLWAY/ SERVER ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Reveal) They roll their cart through the hallways, watching the cameras – we see through Japheth’s thick glasses and realize they are a high-tech device feeding him information about the facility. They take a sudden turn.
Middle: (Intrigue) They hide in a server room. Their cart has a false bottom from which they retrieve new uniforms and supplies, change.
End: (Suspense) Nell, dressed as a lab worker, connects to one of the servers and hides. Olly dresses as a security guard and stations himself outside the door. Japheth, in a lab coat, heads down the hall.
3. INT. MEDINANO GARBAGE CHUTES/AIR DUCTS – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Japheth enters a restroom, goes into a stall. Then stands on the toilet, pulls out a ceiling tile, and leaps (inhumanly) into the ceiling and climbs into an air shaft.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Following directions from Nell, he makes his way through a labyrinth of passageways, constantly barely avoiding detection by both people and cameras, to a garbage chute that goes straight up for dozens of floors. He spider climbs straight up an air duct, leaps from floor to floor in an elevator shaft and bends steel to get into a garbage chute. He watches the CEO through an air vent as he plants a remote connection device near his office.
End: (Mislead) Nell tells him, now the easy part. Just get to the contact’s lab to pick up a package.
4. INT. DR. KUTHRAPALI’S LAB – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) He meets Dr. K for the first time, expecting to receive just the stolen tech.
Middle: (Reveal/ Major twist) Dr. K informs Japheth that he (Dr. K) will be coming as well. They argue. There is blood on Dr. K’s sleeve. Dr. K says that if he doesn’t take him out, he will call security.
End: (Intrigue) Japheth has no choice. Takes Dr. K – a different way – to the server room. See a dead body behind a door as they leave.
5. INT. MEDINANO SERVER ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (External dilemma) Arrive in the server room with Dr. K, explain the problem. They only have three badges – only 3 can leave.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Japheth considers hiding out in the ducts and sneaking out at night, but his heat signature would be too obvious once the building is empty. Consider stuffing him in the trash, but he’s too big. Finally Nell comes up with a plan.
End: (Cliffhanger) Shut her bodily functions down so that she appears dead and sneak her out in the trash.
6. INT. MEDINANO SECURITY EXIT – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Steal a janitor’s uniform for Dr. K. Inject Nell with new nanotech, Japheth programs it. She falls asleep and they seal her in the bottom of the trash bin with the stolen nanotech.
Middle: (Uncertainty) They approach security, Japheth’s glasses monitoring Nell’s life signs as they slowly fall to zero. Push the bin into the scanner as they walk through the security line separately, badging out. Nell’s picture pops up as Dr. K walks through, just as the bin dings. Dr. K hurries through as Japheth stops to ask if there’s a problem with his bin.
End: (Cliffhanger) They scan again. It’s clear. He pushes the bin out, a silent alarm going off on his glasses that Nell has been “dead” too long.
7. EXT. UPPERS OUTSIDE MEDINANO – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty) They reconvene outside in the bushes and rush to pull Nell out of the bin.
Middle: (Suspense/ Major Twist) Japheth slowly revives her after a few tense moments. Dr. K just keeps telling them to hurry up. She’s fully revived, only—she can’t walk. She has spina bifida, and the new tech is interfering with the enhancements Japheth gave her that allow her to walk. Dr. K says just put her back in the bin and go.
End: (Surprise) Japheth throws Dr. K in the bin, threatening him to keep quiet or they’ll send the bin to the incinerator.
8. EXT. THE GATEWAY – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Arriving at the gateway, Japheth carrying Nell on his back, Olly pushing the bin.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Border guards think they’re playing some kind of game, but when he refuses to put her down to go through separately, they get tense. He has to tell them Nell hurt her ankle, they don’t qualify for the level of care to fix it, only to alleviate pain.
End: (Surprise) They wave them through, open the gates – we see the Dregs for the first time. It looks like a giant garbage dump compared to the Uppers.
9. EXT. THE DREGS – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Pull Dr. K out of the trash, he’s appalled at the conditions. They decide to split up, go different paths to make sure they weren’t followed.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Follow Japheth and Nell as they go through the streets and see a slice of life in the Dregs—poor hungry, desperate people. Japheth stops a guy from stealing from an old woman – with Nell still on his back. Then the guy’s friends come, chase them, but Japheth leaps across a chasm over a trash dump to get away.
End: (Reveal) Get to Japheth and the gang’s hangout/ home – a burnt out apartment building with a hidden entrance and booby traps.
10. INT. THE GANG’S HQ – DAY
Beginning: (Character changes radically) Meet Lila, Japheth the superhero/genius suddenly becomes a shy, bumbling idiot as he repairs Nell with Lila’s help.
Middle: (Mystery) Joking around with Nell as her enhancements come back online. As they’re testing her abilities, she starts to do anything they tell her, even as the commands get more and more ridiculous and embarrassing. Finally Japheth puts a stop to it. Something’s wrong.
End: (Reveal) Japheth examines the new tech – there’s mind control programming in there.
11. INT. DR. BENNETT’S CLINIC – DAY
Beginning: (Mystery) Dr. Bennett examines Nell while Japheth tells her about the mind-control programming.
Middle: (Surprise) She confirms his findings, but instead of being proud of him and telling him she’s going to help him do something about it, she tells him not to say one word about it to anyone. She tells him that’s exactly why Dr. K wanted to escape – because he was on the team that helped develop it, and then they sent someone to kill him. And that’s exactly what they’ll do to them if they find out they know. Japheth suggests using his new code for a viral cure (that he intended to help stop the constant epidemics in the Dregs) to shut down the programming.
End: (Character changes radically) She grows cold, tells Japheth she found too many problems with his code, it’s a dead end. They should all go home before curfew and be on high alert. There will be raids tonight after they realize what was stolen. There are some new teens hanging around with Dr. Bennett who Japheth doesn’t like, one of them looks like one of the guys he fought with earlier. Dr. Bennett just says that they’re working on a special project with them.
12. INT. THE GANG’S HQ – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) At the gang’s hideout with Lila and Olly- tense night as they debate what to do, watch for someone to come for them.
Middle: (Mystery) They see a news vid about Dr. K saying he’s a terrorist and offering a huge reward if someone turns him in. Dr. Bennett doesn’t answer when they call her. Lila brings up the idea that one or both of them could be under Medinano’s control – they have no way of knowing.
End: (External Dilemma) If they break curfew, they could be arrested. If they don’t Dr. Bennett could be killed. They decide to risk it and return to Dr. B’s lab to warn her.
ACT 2:
13. INT. DR. BENNETT’S LAB – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Lila gives them all cool disguises. They break curfew and make their way to Dr. Bennett’s lab through the dangers of the night-time Dregs.
Middle: (Mystery) Find the lab in disarray, a dead Medinano operative on the table looking like he died from internal bleeding, no wounds.
End: (Major Twist) A heavily armed Medinano investigative unit descends – a battle ensues and they barely escape.
14. INT. HIDEOUT – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Fleeing Medinano’s forces, they hide in the slums.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) They begin to wonder if any of them could be under Medinano’s control, and Japheth goes through their code – Nell is the only one who has the new tech, and the mind control portion is still turned off. Suddenly they see themselves (Japheth, Nell and Olly) on news vids from Medinano security as well as altered video from Bennett’s lab – claiming they killed Bennett, showing a picture of what looks like her dead body—they know this will turn everyone in the Dregs against them.
End: (Cliffhanger) They decide they must find out what happened to Dr. Bennett. Lila must leave to check on her ailing parents – they’re sure no one is looking for her because she wasn’t in any of the videos.
15. EXT. TECH BAZAAR – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Afraid their personal devices could be tracked if they connect to the public network, they realize they will have to go out in public and use a public terminal to find any info on Dr. Bennett.
Middle: (Uncertainty) They go to the busiest, most crowded place they know in an attempt to blend in – the illegal tech bazaar. Japheth connects to the terminal and downloads as much information as he can before both Medinano agents and Dregs police descend. A high-octane chase through the bazaar-
End: (Surprise) Lila creates a brilliant diversion, sending swarms of holographic nanites into the crowd, creating numerous duplicates of them. She pulls them down into the sewers and they get away.
16. INT. SEWERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (More interesting setting) They decide that the sewers are the safest place for them to stay for the night.
Middle: (Intrigue/ Uncomfortable Moment) They sort through the data Japheth downloaded – security video and traffic cameras – looking for any trace of Bennett or Kuthrapali. Everyone is nervous, especially Lila. When they get a moment alone, Japheth and Lila almost kiss, but then she starts to maybe confess something when Olly interrupts, wondering if there’s any way for them to be infected with the new mind-control tech without them knowing. Japheth checks them all again, just to be safe, while his program sorts through the data.
End: (Cliffhanger) Ding. There’s a match. A partial view of Dr. Bennett’s face as she meets with a dangerous illegal tech supplier they know of – who Dr. Bennett told them NEVER to associate with.
17. MIDPOINT: INT. TECH DEALER’S LAIR – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) They show up at the tech dealer’s place and his goons think they’re there to rob the place – but they just want info on Bennett’s whereabouts.
Middle: (Suspense/Mislead) Swarmed by a new team of biohacked teens with similar capabilities (the kids hanging around Dr. B earlier), they are captured and taken to Dr. Bennett. There they learn her secret past – she was arrested for trying to help his parents (who had a terrible disease – Dr. Bennett delivered Nell by C-section before their mother passed away). Dr. B was stripped of her license and sent to the Dregs, left her wife and daughter behind in the Uppers, has a granddaughter she’s never even met. Dr. Bennett says she is giving up—she and Dr. K are trying to get to Canada where they think they might still be able to help people. She also reveals to everyone that Japheth applied to a Medinano school and would have left the Uppers a long time ago if not for Nell – subtly undermining the team’s cohesion. She suggests he try and apply again now that Nell is older – maybe he could get them out of the Dregs.
End: (Internal Dilemma) The team leaves Dr. Bennett’s, full of doubt and frustration, not knowing what to do.

ACT 3:
18. INT. OLD ICE SKATING RINK TURNED LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (more interesting location) The team finds its way into an old ice skating rink turned squatter’s camp, hiding out in the back of the old rental skate room. We see one of the squatters notice them with suspicion.
Middle: (Superior Position) Unaware of the danger they’re in, they settle in and wonder what the place used to be. Nell tells them that Dr. Bennett told her it used to be an ice skating rink – they’ve only seen those on TV. That’s something they do in the Uppers, watch people dance around or play some kind of game. They can’t imagine wasting all that water or energy. But people used to do that here too. People used to do things just for fun, and live in houses and have parks and pets and go to school and so on. But something went wrong. Something changed, and nobody did anything about it. They already know how evil Medinano is, how they destroy lives, and to sit back and do nothing while they literally take over the world… well, things may not be able to get any worse in the Dregs, but they certainly could get better.
End: (Surprise/Uncertainty) They hear – come out with your hands up. Someone has called the Dregs police on them! They battle their way out of the rink, killing an officer.
19. INT. ABANDONED SUBWAY – NIGHT
Beginning: (more interesting setting) They go to the most dangerous part of the Dregs, the old subway system, knowing the police won’t chase them there, but also knowing they could be attacked by the dangerous gang that lives there.
Middle: (Uncertainty/ Surprise) They are surrounded by members of the gang that chased Japheth and Nell earlier, who take them to their leader – who has a kid with spina bifida. Japheth helps the kid walk, now they are under the protection of the gang.
End: (External Dilemma) They decide to do something about the way things are and come up with a plan.
20. INT. MEDINANO EXEC ENTRANCE – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) They decide no one will expect them to try to get through the executive entrance. Lila will disguise them as various execs and they will enter that way.
Middle: (Surprise) Tense scene as they badge in, first Japheth, then Nell, then Olly – someone asks him a question, he freezes, Japheth answers for him, pulls him through. Then Lila badges in – she’s asked to step aside.
End: (External Dilemma) Japheth wants to go back for her, but that will end the mission. Nell pulls him on.
21. INT. MEDINANO UPPER FLOORS HALLWAY – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) They make it to the CEO’s office, but Nell’s attempts to hack the security fail, suddenly they are surrounded by security.
Middle: (Uncertainty, Betrayal) Pinned down in the hallway, they fight as best they can. Olly gets shot, but should survive because of his enhancements, but then he’s captured. The Medinano “medics” deactivate his enhancements and watch him die. They bring out Lila, say they’re going to kill her next. She tells them it won’t matter if they kill her, the only way to get Japheth to stop is to take Nell. The CEO thanks her for her help and gives her some Medinano tech for her ailing parents, sends her on her way.
End: (Uncertainty) Battle resumes, focused on capturing Nell, which they do quickly.
ACT 4:
22. INT. MEDINANO MEDICAL LAB – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Captured, Medinano’s team begins removing their enhancements, including Nell’s ability to walk.
Middle: (Reveal, Major Twist) The “doctors” begin having seizures, dying right in front of them – the dead bodies look like the Medinano operative at Dr. Bennett’s. Nell (now unable to walk) hacks their system and finds a perfect escape route, but Japheth (now without any enhancements) examines the bodies. He discovers his viral cure was turned into a deadly virus. This can only be the work of Dr. Bennett.
End: (External Dilemma) Will they escape or stay to help?
23. INT. MEDINANO CEO’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Mystery) They decide to stay. Using a dead guy’s hand, they break into the CEO’s office and find him desperately trying to figure out what’s going on – but suspiciously not having seizures himself.
Middle: (Uncertainty) He accuses them of being responsible for the attack, takes Nell by gunpoint. Out of nowhere, Lila saves them by injecting him with the new tech he had given her to give to her parents. He starts having a seizure.
End: (Major Twist) Japheth saves him with some brilliant hacking (of Japheth’s own code), and starts spreading that fix through the population. And because of Medinano’s mind-control software, they can control him.
24. INT. MEDINANO BOARDROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Mystery) Head to Medinano’s boardroom where they find a select few Medinano execs who also didn’t take the latest update cowering in a corner.
Middle: (Mislead/ Reveal) CEO sends them all home to check on their families. Japheth and Nell begin broadcasting a video of him explaining exactly what the latest update does and that a cure for the virus is on the way. The security guards and other Medinano folks who didn’t die start to recover. They arrest Japheth and Nell, realizing that the CEO is under their control. But then a security guard starts having a seizure – Japheth examines him and gives them some bad news. The virus is adapting to his code – it’s going to keep spreading and killing people. The only person who could actually stop it is Bennett.
End: (Cliffhanger) They have no idea where Bennett is. By the time they scour the Dregs looking for her, it will be too late.
25. INT/EXT. DR. BENNETT’S DAUGHTER’S HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Mystery) Nell suggests they look for Bennett at her daughter’s – she wouldn’t let her family die.
Middle: (Uncertainty) They send forces to arrest Bennett, get the cure from her – but she tells them that new nanotech must be injected into everyone in the Uppers individually, and so they’ll never replicate enough in time to save the majority.
End: (Cliffhanger) People start to get sick again. Our team starts to lose hope.

26. EXT. UPPERS MAIN SQUARE – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Heading out to the main square in the Uppers where people have started to gather. People are starting to get sick again.
Middle: (Major Twist) Nell suddenly asks why she hasn’t gotten sick – even though she has the new tech. They realize everyone Dr. Bennett treated has the cure. That means nearly everyone in the Dregs is protected – and that the cure is widely available.
End: (Uncertainty) They throw open the gates and call on all the people in the Dregs to come donate blood to save the people in the Uppers. They don’t know if anyone will respond because of the way they’ve been treated, but then- Japheth and Nell watch with tears as people start coming in to help.

27. INT. MEDINANO HOLDING CELL – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Bennett sees the news vids, people coming from the Dregs to donate blood.
Middle: (Intrigue) She tells her guards she wants to make a statement. She says that the people who took her life away, the people who decided that only people with money should live and everyone else’s life was expendable, they deserve to die. And she won’t live in a world where they don’t get what they deserve.
End: (Major Twist) She activates a secret code (maybe with something she says?) – and drops dead.
28. INT. SIBLINGS’ NEW HOME/ PENTAGON – DAY
Beginning: (Character changes radically) Japheth (in a suit!) now seeming like a responsible, upright citizen on a “zoom” call – remotely helping US leaders coordinate with governments around the world to disable Medinano’s mind-control programming.
Middle: (Mystery) We hear construction sounds going on while he’s talking to people in the Pentagon and around the world. When the call ends, we see construction outside. The Dregs are being rebuilt, including the ice skating rink. He walks to the new home that’s being finished for him, Lila, Nell, and Lila’s parents, who are receiving the health care they need.
End: (Surprise) Vid of trial of Medinano CEO, claiming that socialized medicine will be the downfall of the United States of America and they’ll all be sorry. Japheth just turns away, as he, Nell and Lila continue walking their dog.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Scene Requirements

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: This is a very valuable step in visualizing the actual scenes needed to tell this story. This is helping it go from an idea for a story into an actual screenplay.

Act 1:

• Scene Arc: Japheth and gang break into Medinano, complete their mission and sneak out

1. INT. MEDINANO ENTRANCE – DAY

• Essence: Meet the team as they get past security, Japheth mocked by security guards for his need to wear glasses
• Conflict: Will these people get through security – will the guy in glasses fight back?
• Subtext: They are not supposed to be there, they are infiltrating
• Hope/fear: Hope they will get through, fear something will go wrong

2. INT. MEDINANO HALLWAY/ WASTE ROOM – DAY

• Essence: Map out their mission, change uniforms, start mission
• Conflict: They are obviously doing something illegal
• Subtext: Pretending to be waste disposal workers
• Hope/fear: Fear they will be caught

3. INT. MEDINANO GARBAGE CHUTES/AIR DUCTS – DAY

• Essence: Japheth makes his way through hidden passages, planting a remote data connection device and stealing some new bioengineering technology, showing off superhuman physical abilities.
• Conflict: This is their most dangerous mission yet and tensions run high, but if they pull it off, it will be their last mission.
• Subtext: Everything about this scene is covert, hiding from security guards, avoiding cameras, planting spyware, stealing tech.
• Hope/fear: Hope they will complete their mission, fear they will get caught

4. INT. DR. KUTHRAPALI’S LAB – DAY

• Essence: Thinking he’s picking up stolen tech, Dr. K tells him no, he has to smuggle him out
• Conflict: Japheth is not okay with this change
• Subtext: The doc is low key threatening them if they don’t smuggle him out/ Japheth didn’t see the body, but he did see some blood on Dr. K’s sleeve
• Hope/fear: Hope they’ll escape – fear they won’t and that Dr. K is dangerous

5. INT. MEDINANO WASTE ROOM – DAY

• Essence: They only have three badges. Nell has a plan – she will “die” to get out – i.e. Japheth must inject her with new biotech and program it to shut down her bodily functions for a few minutes so she appears dead to the scanners and they take her out as “trash”.
• Conflict: Nell has to risk her life, Japheth furious about this.
• Subtext: Something has changed. Way more danger than expected.
• Hope/fear: Hope they get out. Fear Nell won’t survive.

6. INT. MEDINANO SECURITY EXIT – DAY

• Essence: Smuggling Nell’s body out.
• Conflict: Security guards scanning the trash – something beeps, rescan…
• Subtext: Everyone’s nervous – will they notice the doc’s badge is for someone else?
• Hope/fear: Hope they will get out – fear they’ll get caught

7. EXT. UPPERS OUTSIDE MEDINANO – DAY

• Scene Arc: Getting out of the Uppers
• Essence: Reviving Nell without being seen – she lives, but she can’t walk. Resetting her has taken away the enhancements that allowed her to walk, because she was born with spina bifida. Dr. K’s turn to go in the trash, even though Nell can’t walk.
• Conflict: Will she survive? Will she be able to walk again?
• Subtext: the doc doesn’t seem concerned
• Hope/fear: Hope she’ll live / fear she won’t

8. EXT. THE GATEWAY – DAY

• Essence: Getting out of the Uppers – convincing the border guards Nell hurt her ankle, hoping they don’t look through the trash.
• Conflict: He has to carry Nell, if they decide to look through the trash they’re screwed
• Subtext: angry at the doctor, worried they’ll be caught
• Hope/fear: Hope they’ll and that Nell will be ok, fear they’ll be caught

• Scene Arc: Getting back to their HQ, fixing Nell, finding anomalies

9. EXT. THE DREGS – DAY

• Essence: They split up, Olly taking Dr. K to meet Dr. Bennett, Japheth and Nell head back to their room in Dregs
• Conflict: Japheth has to carry Nell the whole way, worried they’re being followed
• Subtext: Japheth still upset about the mission, we see a slice of life in the Dregs, people are poor, sick, dirty, there’s a lot of crime, but also people make do, there’s a simple beauty in the community, everyone knows them.
• Hope/fear: Hope they’re not being followed – hope that Nell will be ok

10. INT. THE GANG’S HQ – DAY

• Essence: Fixing Nell’s tech, get her walking again, but she’s acting strangely, discover that the new nano contains mind control programming!
• Conflict: Medinano is planning something big!
• Subtext: The poor are already in the most horrible situation ever, and now it’s going to be worse
• Hope/fear: Hope Japheth will be able to do something about it; Fear that it will be too dangerous

11. INT. DR. BENNETT’S CLINIC – DAY

• Scene Arc: Japheth proudly goes to his parent figure Dr. Bennett to tell her about his discovery, and is stung when he receives only her dismissal and a warning to stay silent, as well as her dismissal of another project he was working on, a viral cure.
• Essence: Dr. Bennett examines Nell while Japheth tells her about the mind-control programming, she warns him that the information could get him killed. He wants to know if his “viral cure” programming could be used to stop it, she tells him her tests show that it doesn’t even work as it was designed, much less for something this complex.
• Conflict: Japheth wants to go public, Dr. Bennett tells him to keep quiet, denigrates his previous work
• Subtext: She already learned from Dr. Kuthrapali about the mind control. She is planning to repurpose his viral cure programming to spread a deadly virus in the Uppers, and she doesn’t want him to know.
• Hope/fear: Hope that Dr. Bennett will listen to Japheth and help him; fear that nothing will be done AND that doing something will be dangerous for Japheth and Nell

12. INT. THE GANG’S HQ – NIGHT

• Scene Arc: Joined by Olly and Lila (Japheth’s love interest, specializes in disguises, covered in constantly changing tattoos) the gang spends a sleepless night arguing about what to do, beefing up their enhancements in preparation.
• Essence: Japheth feels betrayed and disappointed; wonders if Dr. Bennett and/or Dr. Kuthrapali are under Medinano’s mind control.
• Conflict: Japheth wants to do something – Nell wants to listen to Dr. Bennett and remain cautious. When they learn that Dr. Kuthrapali is wanted for murder, Japheth remembers seeing blood on his sleeve, now they’re worried for Dr. Bennett’s life. When she doesn’t answer their calls, they wonder if they should risk breaking curfew to try and warn her.
• Subtext: They are several steps behind Dr. Bennett, who is deliberately misinforming them.
• Hope/fear: Fearing they could be arrested at any moment – fearing that Dr. Bennett is in trouble or has already betrayed them.

13. INT. DR. BENNETT’S LAB – NIGHT

• Scene Arc: Break curfew and sneak to Dr. Bennett’s lab, find that it’s deserted, evidence of a fight and a dead Medinano operative strapped to an examination table. Medinano investigators arrive, they barely escape, now fugitives.
• Essence: Dr. Bennet’s whole team is missing, the lab destroyed, and a dead Medinano investigator is strapped to an exam table, looks like he died from internal bleeding, no wounds.
• Conflict: Where is everyone – there’s a dead guy – did Kuthrapali do this? Does he have Bennett? – Medinano thinks they did it!
• Subtext: Dr. Bennett tested her virus on this guy, then went underground
• Hope/fear: Hope the gang gets away; fear they’ll get caught; fear that something terrible has happened to Dr. Bennett.

ACT 2:

14. INT. HIDEOUT – DAY

• Scene Arc: Fleeing Medinano’s forces, fearing the worst. Testing for mind control. See themselves on news vids – claiming THEY killed Bennett (turning the Dregs against them). Decide they must find out what happened to Dr. Bennett. Lila must leave to check on her ailing parents.
• Essence: They don’t know who they can trust
• Conflict: They are being hunted by Medinano’s forces as well as law enforcement, accused of crimes they didn’t commit
• Subtext: They are being lied about and set up
• Hope/fear: Hope they’ll be able to clear their names; Fear they’ll get caught

15. EXT. TECH BAZAAR – DAY

• Scene Arc: Use a public computer to find info on Dr. Bennett; ambushed by Medinano agents; high-octane chase through tech bazaar, saved by Lila. Test her for mind-control, she passes.
• Essence: They must risk exposure to download security vids that could lead them to Dr. Bennett, nearly caught, saved by Lila.
• Conflict: Chased through tech bazaar by both Dregs police and Medinano – can they trust Lila?
• Subtext: Lila is now being blackmailed into working for Medinano.
• Hope/fear: Hope they will find useful info; fear they will get caught

• Scene Arc: Tracking down Dr. Bennett and getting her side of the story

16. INT. ALTERNATE HIDEOUT – NIGHT

• Essence: Sorting through security vids to find Dr. Bennett with an illegal tech dealer
• Conflict: Don’t know how long they’ll be safe – loads of data to sort through
• Subtext: Lila is gathering info, preparing to turn them in
• Hope/fear: Hope they will find her, fear they will get caught

17. MIDPOINT: INT. TECH DEALER’S LAIR – DAY

• Essence: Captured and taken to Dr. Bennett. Learning her secret past – she was arrested for trying to help his parents (they had a terrible disease – Dr. Bennett delivered Nell by C-section before their mother passed away) – Dr. B sent to the Dregs, left her wife and daughter behind in the Uppers, has granddaughter she’s never even met. Dr. Bennett is giving up and trying to get to Canada. She reveals to everyone that Japheth applied to a Medinano school and would have left the Uppers along time ago if not for Nell.
• Conflict: Japheth feels abandoned and betrayed.
• Subtext: She is lying to get him off her tail – but telling him misleading truths that will help later. Also she cleverly reveals Japheth’s secret, which subtly undermines the team’s cohesion.
• Hope/fear: Hope he can convince Bennett to help; fear she will betray him or say no

ACT 3:

17. INT. OLD ICE SKATING RINK TURNED LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

• Scene Arc: Japheth struggles with the thought of doing nothing; they decide to infiltrate Medinano – Dregs police arrive and they escape, but an officer dies
• Essence: Japheth wonders if things could get any worse in the Dregs, Nell’s story of what this building used to be convinces them that things could certainly be better. They decide to do something about it. Their old IDs won’t work, need a new plan – decide to use exec entrance, closer to where they need to go, but harder to get in. Lila (master of disguises) says she can get them in. Someone in the rink recognized them – called Dregs police.
• Conflict: Do nothing or risk their lives trying to make things better? Confrontation with police, officer dies.
• Subtext: Lila’s going to betray them
• Hope/fear: hope they will try and succeed; fear they try and die; fear they will get caught before they can do anything

18. INT. MEDINANO EXEC ENTRANCE – DAY

• Scene Arc: A high-tension infiltration scene where they are forced to leave Lila behind.
• Essence: Japheth faces an agonizing choice when Lila is held back. Despite his instinct to save her, Nell convinces him to press on.
• Conflict: Leave Lila to be taken by security and continue the mission, or try and save Lila and abandon the mission.
• Subtext: Lila has turned herself in – or done something to make sure she gets caught.
• Hope/fear: Hope they will get through; fear they won’t

19. INT. MEDINANO UPPER FLOORS HALLWAY – DAY

• Scene Arc: They approach the CEO’s office, Security arrives, confrontation, Olly dies.
• Essence: Nell’s attempts to get into the CEO’s office fail, suddenly they are surrounded by security, they fight. Olly gets shot. His enhancements start to fix him, but slowed down, he’s captured. The Medinano “medics” deactivate his enhancements and watch him die. They bring out Lila, say they’re going to kill her next. She tells them it won’t matter if they kill her, the only way to get Japheth to stop is to take Nell.
• Conflict: Confrontation with security; Olly dies; they’re betrayed and captured.
• Subtext: Japheth realizes Lila betrayed them, Lila is jealous of Japheth and Nell’s relationship.
• Hope/fear: Hope they’ll somehow get out of it, fear all is lost

ACT 4:

20. INT. MEDINANO MEDICAL LAB – DAY

• Scene Arc: Captured, Medinano’s team begins removing their enhancements, seizures begin. Instead of escaping, they decide to help.
• Essence: Mysterious seizures begin – the dead bodies look like the Medinano operative at Dr. Bennett’s. Nell (now unable to walk) has hacked their system and found a perfect escape route, but Japheth’s exam of the bodies reveals – his viral cure was turned into a deadly virus. Debate whether to escape or stay to help.
• Conflict: Will they escape? What is killing all these people? Are they next?
• Subtext: Dr. Bennett’s real plan is materializing
• Hope/fear: Hope they won’t die like everyone else – fear that they will just abandon everyone to Dr. Bennett’s deadly plan

21. INT. MEDINANO CEO’S OFFICE – DAY

• Scene Arc: They decide to stay, they take control of the Medinano CEO.
• Essence: Using a dead guy’s hand, they break into the CEO’s office and find him desperately trying to figure out what’s going on – but suspiciously not having seizures himself. He accuses them of doing this, takes Nell by gunpoint, Lila saves them by injecting him with the new tech he had given her to give to her parents. He starts having a seizure; they save him, and now they can control him.
• Conflict: Confrontation with the Medinano CEO
• Subtext: Using his own technology against him; he had not given himself the new tech, not wanting to be controlled.
• Hope/fear: Hope they will beat the CEO, fear he will kill Nell

22. INT. MEDINANO BOARDROOM – DAY

• Scene Arc: Figure out how to slow the spread of the virus, how to find Bennett
• Essence: With the CEO under their control, they take their own pirated tech and use Japheth’s viral cure to spread an interference code, slowing the progression of the disease – and they make the CEO go on the news telling everyone what is going on and that Japheth and Nell are sending out the cure. However, that’s a lie, they’re slowing the disease, but only Bennett can stop it. (Now they have hours instead of minutes.) They realize Bennett would not let her family die-
• Conflict: Trying to save millions of lives
• Subtext: Lying to the people to try and stave off panic
• Hope/fear: Hope he will save the day, fear everyone in the Uppers will die

23. INT/EXT. DR. BENNETT’S DAUGHTER’S HOME – DAY

• Scene Arc: Capture Dr. Bennett, get the code for the cure, realize it is spreading too fast
• Essence: They track her down at her daughter’s, arrest her and get the cure – but she tells them that new nanotech must be injected into everyone in the Uppers individually, and so they’ll never replicate enough in time to save the majority. Lose hope.
• Conflict: They have the cure, but they can’t get it out in time.
• Subtext: Just a few people on their own can’t fix a broken system.
• Hope/fear: Fear that millions will die.

23. EXT. UPPERS MAIN SQUARE – DAY

• Scene Arc: People are starting to get sick again, panicking. People from the Dregs come to help.
• Essence: They look outside, people getting sick again, panicked crowds. They go to help as many as they can, but in the middle of it all, Nell suddenly asks why she hasn’t gotten sick – even though she has the new tech. They realize everyone Dr. Bennett treated has the cure – make another broadcast. Call on the people of the Dregs to come to the Uppers. The gates are thrown open. Blood donation stations set up. People are cured.
• Conflict: People are dying – will the people of the Dregs, who have suffered at the hands of the people from the Uppers, be willing to help?
• Subtext: We’re all in this together.
• Hope/fear: Hope millions of lives will be saved. Fear that it won’t work.

24. INT. MEDINANO HOLDING CELL – DAY

• Scene Arc: Dr. Bennett learns the news that the virus is being defeated, kills herself
• Essence: Defeated, Dr. Bennett turns off her own immunity and dies from the virus
• Conflict: Her internal battle to reconcile her actions and her ethics
• Subtext: Bennett can’t live in a world where her enemies are forgiven
• Hope/fear: Hope she’ll come around, fear she won’t

25. INT. SIBLINGS’ NEW HOME/ PENTAGON – DAY

• Scene Arc: Japheth remotely helps US leaders coordinate with governments around the world to disable Medinano’s mind-control programming while living in the reconstruction of the Dregs.
• Essence: We see the world being rebuilt around him as he helps world leaders stop Medinano’s evil plot.
• Conflict: There are still some people who aren’t happy with this plan – esp. the now imprisoned Medinano CEO
• Subtext: It will take many people working together to stop dangerous technology from damaging society.
• Hope/fear: That societal change will/ will not last.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Intriguing Moments

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: My story is full of intriguing moments, and there’s always room for more!

Act 1:

Beginning:

Japheth Bridges, an unassuming, bespectacled biohacker, and his team enter (covert agenda) Medinano, a powerful biotech firm, seeming to be simple waste disposal workers (secret identity). Mocked by security guards for his need to wear glasses, Japheth endures the cruelty and disregard with which people from the Dregs are treated. He’ll respond in a way that they take as dumb or subservient, but we’ll soon find out was either a hidden dis or total irony (secret). Japheth's glasses reveal their true high-tech capabilities as they allow him to hack into security systems, revealing him to be much more than a simple waste disposal worker, showcasing his hidden prowess and ingenuity (covert agenda). As Japheth skillfully and bravely infiltrates the facility and takes what his team needs. He receives encouragement/ praise on the radio from his mentor Dr. Bennett.

His sister Nell – who doesn’t seem to have enhancements, but is able to hack the security and open doors etc –sequesters herself in a server room. As she guides Japheth up a garbage chute, he uses genetically enhanced strength to shimmy up, as she opens gates for him (covert agenda). At one stop he’s able to grab a batch of syringes filled with brand new nanotech. At the next he leaves a device that will allow a remote connection to the computers inside. Expecting to pick up a package at his next stop, he finds a scientist who says he’s coming too – along with the tech he’s stolen (mystery – who is this guy? Why the sudden change of plans?). Surprised by the sudden need to smuggle a scientist out of the secure facility, Japheth begins to unravel as he has to decide to help this stranger by risking his sister’s life. But if he doesn’t do it, all their lives are in danger.

Japheth was not warned about this, but the scientist insists that he won’t be able to get out any other way, and that Dr. Bennett needs him. When he climbs into the chute with Japheth, we see his dead colleague on the floor (superior position). Japheth gets mentally stuck trying to figure out a way out with the scientist – Nell comes up with a risky new plan. Alarm bells start ringing. Japheth has to do an on-the-fly installation of the new nano on Nell so they can get away. She insists that he gives her the nano to shut all her bodily functions down so she appears dead and can go out the garbage chute and they pick her up after they exit. Faced with an unexpected situation and alarms blaring, Japheth has to inject the new nanotech into Nell. The tension and high stakes make this a bonding moment as they rely on each other’s strengths and quick thinking. We see how close the two are as he carries her home, fixes her tech and gets her on her feet again. When they wake her from her dangerous near-death state – REVEAL: her former enhancements aren’t working, and we learn that she can’t walk without them. This is also a good time for someone to remark how good he is and ask why he never went to school, and he says school is for Uppers douchebags (insert world-specific slang here) (cover up – he’s covering up his real feelings and his past here).

Inciting Incident:

Japheth’s investigation into Nell’s issues -and helping her walk again- reveals mind-control programming hidden in Medinano’s tech (mystery). Japheth proudly goes to his parent figure Dr. Bennett to tell her about his discovery, and is stung when he receives only her dismissal and a warning to stay silent, as well as her dismissal of his performance on another project he was working on – a special code to make it easier for her to cure the rampant epidemics that commonly spread throughout the Dregs. (Dr. Bennett’s covert agenda) (Medinano has made it basically impossible for code to spread from one person to another – so you could be saved from some terrible death, but then if you can’t afford another dose, watch your child die of the thing you were just saved from.)
The gang spends a sleepless night arguing about what to do, worried that someone will find out about what they’ve done and come for them. They wonder if Dr. Bennett is already under Medinano’s control (conspiracy), and then they catch a news report claiming that the scientist they helped escape, Dr. Kuthrapali, is a dangerous terrorist (secret identity). Japheth over-analyzes the situation to death, wondering why Dr. B is so afraid to bring Medinano down – and Nell says that it sounded like she was speaking from experience when she told them how dangerous Medinano could be.

Turning Point 1:

Japheth and his team return to Dr. Bennett’s lab to confront her, only to find that it’s deserted, and a dead Medinano operative is strapped to an examination table (mystery). Realizing they have to get out of there at once, they encounter more Medinano investigators coming to search the place. Accused of espionage and murder, they barely escape, now fugitives.

Act 2:

Fleeing Medinano’s forces, they believe they have been betrayed and deserted by Dr. Bennett, and they begin to wonder- who can they trust (conspiracy)? If they can get to Bennett, they can get to anyone. Japheth runs tests on all of them to make sure they don’t have the mind control tech. The only person who can answer their questions is Dr. Bennett – they realize they have to find her. Dr. Bennett, meanwhile, has gone underground with Dr. Kuthrapali to work on a mysterious project (mystery). The biohackers' images are manipulated and broadcast throughout the Dregs, labeling them as dangerous terrorists (conspiracy). A tender moment between Japheth and his crush, Lila, as she says goodbye in order to check on her parents who are in poor health. While hiding, he realizes he needs to use a public computer to find out where Dr. Bennett might be, and takes the risk. The team is ambushed by Medinano agents and must navigate the treacherous, maze-like alleyways of their home turf, leading to a high-octane chase through an underground tech bazaar – crowded, neon-lit streets and alleys filled with illicit tech vendors and mercenaries. They are saved by the return of Lila, who does something that I will have to carefully design to seem clever at the moment but obvious when you look back on it. They have to ask Lila to submit for testing, but she passes. (scheme – this is the moment she started betraying them).

Turning Point 2/Midpoint:

When they find Bennett, they are attacked by her operatives and taken to her. Wounds: Dr. Bennett is hurt that he would think she betrayed him (secret identity – she is lying about who she really is). She tells him her secret past – she was arrested for helping poor people pirate Medinano tech and left her wife and daughter behind in the Uppers. She now has a granddaughter she’s never even met (resolution of earlier mystery). Japheth feels guilty for suspecting her, but he begs her to help him expose Medinano’s evil plot. Dr. B reveals to the group Japheth’s secret about having applied to a Medinano school/ internship that would have gotten him out of the Dregs, revealing his desire to escape the Dregs and his internal conflict about his identity and values. – maybe she says that in response to his questions about why she left her daughter (“Why have you never told Nell what you sacrificed for her? Because you don’t want her to feel like she has to make the same choice I did.”) She tells him that he is like a son to her and she already feels guilty for endangering him as she has. She triggers his abandonment wound when she tells him she is leaving the Dregs and heading to Canada, where she thinks they may still have some form of socialized medicine and she might be able to help people there (scheme – that’s not what she’s doing).

Act 3:

Japheth struggles with the thought of doing nothing and allowing Medinano to have its way—how much worse could it get in the Dregs anyway? Nell reminds him of their parents and how much they sacrificed for them, and tells him that his own sacrifice for her will be for nothing if they don’t stop this. (covert agenda) The group plans an infiltration of Medinano’s main facility to expose the company’s wrongdoing. Their previous covers blown, the team decides that the only way into the facility will be through the door that is exclusively reserved for upper management, requiring them to disguise themselves as Medinano executives. A high-tension infiltration scene unfolds as their skills are put to the test, but they are all able to enter, except Lila. During the infiltration, Japheth faces an agonizing choice when Lila is held back. Despite his instinct to save her, Nell convinces him to press on. This moment of sacrifice is emotionally charged, underscoring the personal costs of their mission and Japheth’s growing leadership burden.

Just as they are about to reach the CEO’s office where they will put their plan into action, the team is confronted by security forces. They have been betrayed by Lila. The shocking revelation that Lila has turned herself in and betrayed the team is a gut-wrenching moment for Japheth (secret identity). His fury and sense of betrayal fuel an adrenaline-fueled escape attempt, only to be thwarted by Lila’s intimate knowledge of his weaknesses, telling the Medinano operatives to focus on capturing Nell. This betrayal deepens the emotional stakes and sets up the climax.

Team member Olly dies in the struggle, and Medinano doctors just watch him die, refusing to help.

Turning Point 3:

Captured, Medinano’s team begins removing their enhancements, including Nell’s mobility. People start having mysterious seizures (mystery), giving our heroes an opportunity to escape. Examining them Japheth realizes that Dr. Bennett has used his code to create a virus that seems to be targeting everyone with Medinano enhancements (covert agenda). Hacking Medinano’s system from within, they find a perfect escape route, but choose to help stop the virus instead of fleeing. Japheth’s realization that his own code is spreading the virus helps him slow down its spread. Lila switches back to his side, explaining that Medinano was holding her family hostage. He figures out how to slow the spread of the virus, and using Medinano’s own mind-control technology, they force the Medinano CEO to help them. Meanwhile, Nell slips some code of her own into the Medinano system (mystery/covert agenda).

Act 4:

Climax:

In a climactic battle, they slow the spread of the virus and track down Bennett as she attempts to protect her own family from the coming destruction —giving them the code they need to stop the virus altogether. They need more of the antidote than they have, can’t replicate it fast enough/ get it out to people in time. Everyone seems to lose hope. Japheth looks at his team, sees how far they’ve gotten – reminds them what can happen when people work together. The people of the Dregs and the Uppers have been following along as Nell has secretly been broadcasting everything (mystery revealed). Japheth realizes that the people in the Dregs have all been treated by Dr. Bennett and given a preventative, and that if they donate blood to the people in the Uppers, they can stop the virus. They call on the people in the Dregs to come donate blood to the people in the Uppers. The people are watching and start to do this on their own. Facing a life sentence for her actions, Dr. Bennett acknowledges that Japheth and Nell are better people than she is—then commits suicide by giving herself the virus (covert agenda).

Resolution:

Exoneration and societal transformation. The biohackers are exonerated, and the live broadcast leads to a newfound understanding between the Uppers and the Dregs. Japheth and Nell, now wary but hopeful, commit to protecting humanity from technological abuses and working toward a more equitable future. Since the conspiracy spans the globe, with sleeper agents already in key positions in major governments (covert agenda), the final act involves coordinating with international biohacker cells to dismantle Medinano’s influence worldwide. Societal transformation begins with the biohackers at the forefront, heralding a new era of equality and justice.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Emotional Moments

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Thinking specifically about how these moments will be emotional helps set up the chain of events for maximum emotional impact. It will also make the outline more engaging and communicate my vision for the film better.

Beginning:

Excitement/ courage: As Japheth skillfully and bravely infiltrates the facility and takes what his team needs. He receives encouragement/ praise on the radio from Dr. Bennett.

Surprise: Japheth’s glasses reveal their true high-tech capabilities. As Japheth, seemingly meek and subservient, navigates Medinano’s facility with his waste disposal worker cover, he surprises the audience by activating his glasses. The device’s advanced features allow him to hack into security systems, showcasing his hidden prowess and ingenuity.

Distress/ Emotional Dilemma: Surprised by the sudden need to smuggle a scientist out of the secure facility, Japheth begins to unravel as he has to decide to help this stranger by risking his sister’s life. But if he doesn’t do it, all their lives are in danger.

Hidden weakness: When he wakes Nell from her dangerous near-death state, her former enhancements aren’t working and we learn that she can’t walk.

Bonding: Faced with an unexpected situation and alarms blaring, Japheth has to inject the new nanotech into Nell to shut down her bodily functions temporarily. The tension and high stakes make this a bonding moment as they rely on each other’s strengths and quick thinking. This act of trust and sacrifice cements their sibling bond and showcases their deep reliance on each other. We see how close the two are as he carries her home, fixes her tech and gets her on her feet again.

Inciting Incident:

Wounds: Japheth proudly goes to his parent figure Dr. Bennett to tell her about his discovery, and is stung when he receives only her dismissal and a warning to stay silent, as well as her dismissal of his performance on another project he was working on- a special code to make it easier for her to cure the rampant epidemics that commonly spread throughout the Dregs.

Distress: The gang spends a sleepless night arguing about what to do and watching news reports claiming that the scientist they helped escape, Dr. Kuthrapali, is a dangerous terrorist, worried that someone will find out about what they’ve done and come for them.

Turning Point 1:

Distress: Returning to Dr. Bennett’s lab to confront her, they find Medinano investigators. Accused of espionage and facing arrest, they barely escape, now fugitives.

Act 2:

Betrayal: They believe they have been betrayed and deserted by Dr. Bennett. Evidence at her lab suggested possible experimentation on humans. Their images are manipulated and broadcast throughout the Dregs, labeling them as dangerous terrorists.

Love: A tender moment between Japheth of his crush as she says goodbye in order to check on her parents who are in poor health.

Distress: The team is ambushed by Medinano agents and must navigate the treacherous, maze-like alleyways of their home turf, leading to a high-octane chase through crowded, neon-lit streets and alleys filled with illicit tech vendors and mercenaries.

Surprise: They are saved by the return of love interest.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint:

Distress: When they find Bennett, they are attacked by her operatives and taken to her.

Wounds: Dr. Bennett is hurt that she would think she betrayed him.

Bonding: She tells him her secret past – she was arrested for helping the poor pirate Medinano tech and left her wife and daughter behind in the Uppers. She now has a granddaughter she’s never even met.

Hidden Weakness: Confrontation with Dr. Bennett. When Japheth and his team finally confront Dr. Bennett, she reveals Japheth’s secret about applying to Medinano’s school. This revelation exposes his hidden weakness—his desire to escape the Dregs and his internal conflict about his identity and values. This moment intensifies the emotional stakes and deepens his character.

Wounds: She triggers his abandonment wound when she tells him she is leaving the Dregs and heading to Canada.

Act 3:

Moral issue: Japheth struggles with the thought of doing nothing and allowing Medinano to have its way

Wound: Nell reminds him of their parents and how much they sacrificed for them, and tells him that his own sacrifice for her will be for nothing if they don’t stop this.

Courage: The group plans an infiltration of Medinano’s main facility, disguising themselves as Medinano executives.

Sacrifice: Leaving Lila behind. During the high-tension infiltration of Medinano’s facility, Japheth faces an agonizing choice when Lila is held back. Despite his instinct to save her, Nell convinces him to press on. This moment of sacrifice is emotionally charged, underscoring the personal costs of their mission and Japheth’s growing leadership burden.

Betrayal: Lila’s betrayal. The shocking revelation that Lila has turned herself in and betrayed the team is a gut-wrenching moment for Japheth. His fury and sense of betrayal fuel an adrenaline-fueled escape attempt, only to be thwarted by Lila’s intimate knowledge of his weaknesses. This betrayal deepens the emotional stakes and sets up the climax.

Distress: Team member Olly dies.

Turning Point 3:

Distress: They’re captured and face enhancement removal, including Nell’s mobility.

Surprise: People start having mysterious seizures, giving them an opportunity to escape.

Betrayal: Japheth realizes that Dr. Bennett has used his code to create a virus that seems to be targeting everyone with Medinano enhancements.

Moral Dilemma: Hacking Medinano’s system from within, they find a perfect escape route, but choose to help stop the virus instead of fleeing.

Love: His love interest switches back to his side, explaining that Medinano was holding her family hostage.

Excitement – He figures out how to slow the spread of the virus; using Medinano’s own mind-control technology, they force the Medinano CEO to help them.

Act 4 Climax:

Success/winning: They slow the spread of the virus and track down Bennett—giving them the code they need to stop the virus altogether.

Hidden weakness: They need more of the antidote than they have, can’t replicate it fast enough/ get it out to people in time. Everyone seems to lose hope.

Surprise: The people of the Dregs and the Uppers have been following along as Nell has secretly been broadcasting everything. Japheth realizes that the people in the Dregs have all been treated by Dr. Bennett and given a preventative, and that if they donate blood to the people in the Uppers, they can stop the virus.

Success/winning: The biohackers are exonerated, and a new respect understanding between the people of the Uppers and the Dregs begins.

Sacrifice: Facing a life sentence for her actions, Dr. Bennett acknowledges that Japheth and Nell are better people than she is—then commits suicide.

Resolution:

Success/Winning: Exoneration and societal transformation. The biohackers are exonerated, and the live broadcast leads to a newfound understanding between the Uppers and the Dregs. Japheth and Nell’s commitment to a more equitable future, along with the coordinated efforts to dismantle Medinano’s influence, mark a significant victory.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Reveals

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: to be very intentional about how and when I reveal information and to build those pieces into the outline. This also led me to create reveals around certain piece of info that before I had just thought of as exposition – which will make it much more exciting!

• Question 1: What will you reveal?

1. That Nell can’t walk without her enhancements

2. That Japheth had plans to go study biotech and possibly work for Medinano, and that he gave up that opportunity to stay in the Dregs and help Nell

3. That Dr. B has a tragic history with Medinano, having lost her family because she tried to help people

4. That Japheth’s love interest is actually a Medinano spy

5. That Dr. Bennett will release a deadly virus targeting everyone with Medinano tech

6. That the virus is based on code Japheth created to help spread good modifications

• Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?

1. When they recover her body and revive her, they’ll have to reset the system and she won’t be able to walk for a bit. (this will be part of the reveal about the world they live in and how hard people have it in the Dregs)

2. Midpoint? When they corner Bennett, and she lets the others know – maybe to destabilize the group a bit.

3. At the midpoint when they catch up to her, she tells them this to convince them that she has no loyalty to Medinano (maybe she reveals #1 to prove to J that just because she used to work for them, doesn’t mean she still has loyalties – “things change, don’t they Japheth?”)

4. When they are captured

5. When she releases it and people start dying in front of them

6. When he stops to examine them and recognizes it’s his code – and more importantly that he can help

• Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

1. She will not have “super powers” like the others (her main value to the team is her tech expertise); Japheth will be really worried about how the tech will affect her, but she calms him by saying whatever happens, she knows he will figure it out, he always has. (The reveal of the big difference in the worlds will be foreshadowed by the two guards talking smack about the Dregs.)

2. Japheth is brilliant, team members may ask how he knows certain things and he is vague about them; they may even ask why he never went to school and he will lie and say who needs school, that’s for Upper douchebags (but come up with specific slang for this world).

3. At some point it should be mentioned that Dr. B doesn’t talk about her past. Maybe they’ll think at one point that it’s because she worked –and still works for—Medinano. I’ll use it to make her look suspicious, then when she reveals it, it will convince the audience just like it does the group.

4. So, she’ll have to disappear at some point because she has to check on her parents, who have serious health problems – maybe she has to give them something that Dr. B was working on… something not too suspicious. When she finds them again, there will be very subtle hints that something is bothering her, but she will just say that her parents didn’t respond to the treatment and she’s really worried about them.

5. These setups will happen throughout – the first will be Japheth mentioning the code he’s working on to try and spread good mods throughout the population, and Dr. B shooting it down. She may even say that’s too dangerous, if something went wrong it could spread a bad code just as easily. Her friend Dr. Kuthrapali will be more obviously a bad guy – we’ll see the body of the guy he killed, he’s perfectly willing to force these kids to risk their lives for him, and possibly turn them in if they don’t. But mainly I’ll be setting up the opposite belief, that Dr. B is a saint and has a tragic history that has left her finally hopeless and ready to run away from it all.

6. The mention of the problem with the code at the beginning, then drop it so the audience forgets, then when he looks at the bodies and sees how it’s spreading we will realize as he does that it’s his code.

• Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

1. All first act, pretty close to the reveal.

2. Mostly first act, maybe some beginning of 2nd. Just in their chatter.

3. Mostly when they are discussing what they’ve found and wondering why Dr. B doesn’t want to go up against Medinano. Sounds like she’s had run-ins with them before.

4. Act 2 when they’re on the run, before the Med forces find them at the bazaar. I think maybe she finds them in the bazaar and she’s the reason they get away – which will make her look innocent at the time, so then her strange behavior will be excusable because of her parents, but looking back it should all make sense.

5. Mostly in the first act, in J’s interactions with her and with Dr. K. Then hopefully at the midpoint reveal of her backstory we’re convinced by her lie, so then at the end when the virus hits, we’re stunned, but then we see through all the lies and especially her warning about J’s code.

6. Only at the beginning, as stated. Important to let the audience completely forget about this until it comes up again at the end. UNLESS – creating that code was all her idea and she’s just using Japheth to create it and then telling him it doesn’t work even though it does. So then I wouldn’t mention that it’s dangerous, it will just seem really important to her, and they’ll both just be disappointed that it didn’t work, but hers will be a deception.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Character Action Tracks

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – To make sure that all of the main characters’ actions are true to their characters and not just convenient for the plot. This will make sure that their actions make sense to the audience and that they feel like believable, relatable people.

Japheth’s actions-

Beginning:

Japheth infiltrates Medinano, using a cover as waste disposal workers.

He doesn’t fight back when they mock his glasses, which are actually part of his disguise and high-tech infiltration devices. He’ll respond in a way that they take as dumb or subservient, but we’ll soon find out was either a hidden dis or total irony.

Japheth skillfully navigates the facility with guidance from Dr. Bennett and his sister Nell

Japheth shimmies up a garbage chute, using genetically enhanced strength.

Grabs a batch of syringes filled with brand new nanotech – these were not on the list, but he knows how valuable they are, so he’s willing to take the risk.

Plants a device that will allow a remote connection to the computers.

Expecting to pick up a package, he finds a scientist who insists on coming. He gets stuck trying to figure out a way out with the scientist – Nell comes up with a risky new plan.

Japheth has to do an on-the-fly installation of the new nano on Nell so they can get away.

Inciting Incident:

Japheth investigates Nell's new enhancements, revealing mind-control programming.

Alerts Dr. Bennett to enlist her help, stung to receive only dismissal and dire warning.

Can’t let it go. Argues with gang about what to do, over-analyzes.

Turning Point 1:

Returns to Dr. Bennett’s lab to confront her, finds Medinano investigators.

Accused of espionage and facing arrest, uses enhanced abilities to escape and go on the run.

Act 2:

Doubts Dr. Bennett’s loyalty, sets out to find her.

Hides in the Dregs–when he needs to use a public computer to find out where Dr. Bennett might be, he takes the risk—and they are discovered by Medinano agents. Uses abilities to evade.

Seeks refuge and resources in an underground tech bazaar.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint:

Tracks down Dr. Bennett, confronts her, attacked by her operatives.

Taken to Bennett, learns she has a personal vendetta against Medinano due to her past.

Japheth believes her, feels guilty, but begs her to help him expose Medinano’s evil plot.

Believes her when she tells him he is like a son to her and she feels guilty for endangering him, is leaving the Dregs and heading to Canada to help people there.

Promises her he won’t do anything about Medinano.

Act 3:

Moral struggle peaks as he considers doing nothing.

Nell reminds him of their parents and how much they sacrificed, plans an infiltration of Medinano’s main facility.

Decides to pose as Medinano execs and sneak in through the door that is exclusively reserved for upper management.

When his love interest is held back at the last minute, he starts to go back for her – Nell convinces him to go on without her.

When they learn she has betrayed them, he explodes in fury and almost escapes on pure adrenaline, but she knows his weakness and tells the Medinano operatives to capture Nell.

Turning Point 3:

Seizes opportunity to escape when people start having seizures, but stops to examine them, realizes that Dr. Bennett lied, has used his code to create a virus targeting everyone with Medinano enhancements.

Hacks Medinano’s system from within, find escape route, but chooses to stay and help stop the virus.

His love interest decides to help him, they use Medinano’s own mind-control technology to force the Medinano CEO to get on board.

Act 4 Climax:

Uses knowledge to slow the spread of the virus, track down Bennett, finding the code they need to stop the virus altogether. Everyone seems to lose hope when they realize the sheer magnitude of the problem; Japheth looks at his team, sees how far they’ve gotten – reminds them what can happen when people work together.

He calls on the people in the Dregs – who have all been treated by Dr. Bennett and given a preventative, to come donate blood to the people in the Uppers.

Resolution:

Wary but hopeful, Japheth commits to protecting humanity from technological abuses and working toward a more equitable future.

Coordinates with international biohacker cells to dismantle Medinano’s influence worldwide.

Helps societal transformation begin.

Dr. Bennett actions-

Beginning:

Sends Japheth and team on a dangerous mission.

Takes Japheth’s research for spreading a cure and uses it to develop a way to spread a deadly virus, while telling him the code’s no good.

Inciting Incident:

Pretends she doesn’t know about the mind-control tech while secretly working with Dr. Kuthrapali to do something about it.

Turning Point 1:

Goes underground without telling her students, leaving them to take all the blame for the theft of Medinano property.

Act 2:

Goes underground with Dr. Kuthrapali to work on a mysterious project.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint:

Takes Japheth and team hostage, then tells them about her history with Medinano to convince them of her innocence, while hiding what she’s really doing.

Tells him that he is like a son to her – playing on his orphan status – and that she already feels guilty for endangering him.

She lies – telling him she is leaving the Dregs when she is planning to release a deadly virus.

Act 3:

Prepares to release a deadly virus while protecting only her family.

Turning Point 3:

Releases the deadly virus that will kill millions.

Act 4 Climax:

Goes to her family to try and save them, is arrested.

Resolution:

Faces a life sentence. – commits suicide rather than stand trial

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s New Outline Beats

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I am playing with moving my midpoint reveal to the 3rd turning point. Regardless of whether I keep that or not, playing around with it in AI led me to come up with a really emotional beat for the ending that will make it really powerful.

Beginning:

Japheth Bridges, an unassuming, bespectacled biohacker, and his team infiltrate Medinano, a powerful biotech firm, using a cover as waste disposal workers. Mocked for his need to wear glasses, Japheth endures the cruelty and disregard with which people from the Dregs are treated. Moments later, we find out that the glasses are actually high-tech devices which Japheth skillfully uses to navigate the facility with guidance from Dr. Alice Bennett, their mentor. His sister Nell hacks the security and opens door she shouldn’t be able to – then, sequestered in a server room, she guides Japheth up a garbage chute, and he uses genetically enhanced strength to shimmy up as she opens gates for him. At one stop he’s able to grab a batch of syringes filled with brand new nanotech. At the next he leaves a device that will allow a remote connection to the computers inside. Expecting to pick up a package at his next stop, he finds a scientist who says he’s coming too – along with the tech he’s stolen. Japheth was not warned about this, but the scientist insists that he won’t be able to get out any other way, and that Dr. Bennett needs what he has. When he climbs into the chute with Japheth, we see his dead colleague on the floor. Halfway down, alarm bells start ringing. Japheth has to do an on-the-fly installation of the new nano on Nell so they can get away. She insists that he gives her the nano, to shut all her bodily functions down so she appears dead and can go out the garbage chute and they pick her up after they exit. When they wake her, she starts doing everything they say, to a dangerous point.

Inciting Incident:

Japheth's investigation into Nell's new enhancements reveals mind-control programming hidden in Medinano's tech. Eager to alert Dr. Bennett and enlist her help, he is stung when he receives only her dismissal and a warning to stay silent. They spend a sleepless night arguing about what to do and watching news reports claiming that the scientist they helped escape, Dr. Kuthrapali, is a dangerous terrorist.

Turning Point 1:

Convinced of the urgency, Japheth and his team return to Dr. Bennett’s lab to confront her, only to find Medinano investigators searching the place. Accused of espionage and facing arrest, they barely escape, now fugitives.

Act 2:

Fleeing Medinano’s forces, the team doubts Dr. Bennett’s loyalty and sets out to find her. Dr. Bennett, meanwhile, has gone underground with Dr. Kuthrapali to work on a mysterious project. The biohackers' images are manipulated and broadcast throughout the Dregs, labeling them as dangerous terrorists. While hiding in the Dregs, the team is ambushed by Medinano agents. They must navigate the treacherous, maze-like alleyways of their home turf, eventually seeking refuge and resources in an underground tech bazaar. Medinano forces storm the bazaar, leading to a high-octane chase through crowded, neon-lit streets and alleys filled with illicit tech vendors and mercenaries.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint:

Tracking down Dr. Bennett, they confront her, only to be attacked by her operatives. They barely escape, learning that Dr. Bennett has a personal vendetta against Medinano due to her past – she was arrested for helping the poor pirate Medinano tech and left her wife and daughter behind in the Uppers. She now has a granddaughter she’s never even met. Japheth feels guilty for suspecting her, but he begs her to help him expose Medinano’s evil plot. She tells him that he is like a son to her and she already feels guilty for endangering him as she has. She tells him she is leaving the Dregs and heading to Canada, where she thinks they may still have some form of socialized medicine and she might be able to help people there.

Act 3:

Japheth’s moral struggle peaks as he considers doing nothing and allowing Medinano to have its way—how much worse could it get in the Dregs anyway? But Nell reminds him of their parents and how much they sacrificed for them, prompting the group to plan an infiltration of Medinano’s main facility to expose Medinano’s schemes. Their previous covers blown, the team decides that the easiest way into the facility will be through the door that is exclusively reserved for upper management, requiring them to disguise themselves as Medinano executives. A high-tension infiltration scene unfolds as their skills are put to the test, but they are all able to enter, except the very last one, Japheth’s love interest, who is held back at the last minute. They are forced to go on without her. They soon learn that Japheth’s love interest, rather than being captured, was turning herself in and betraying them, leading to another team member’s death and their capture.

Turning Point 3: Facing enhancement removal, including Nell’s mobility, they seize an escape opportunity when people start having seizures. Examining them, Japheth realizes that Dr. Bennett has used his code to create a virus that seems to be targeting everyone with Medinano enhancements. Hacking Medinano’s system from within, they find a perfect escape route, but choose to help stop the virus instead of fleeing. Japheth’s realization that his own code is spreading the virus helps him slow down its spread. Using Medinano’s own mind-control technology, they force the Medinano CEO to help them. Meanwhile, Nell slips some code of her own into the Medinano system.

Act 4 Climax: In a climactic battle, the biohackers use their knowledge to slow the spread of the virus, and track down Bennett as she attempts to protect her own family from the coming destruction—giving them the code they need to stop the virus altogether. But ultimately they have to call on the people in the Dregs – who have all been treated by Dr. Bennett and given a preventative, to come donate blood to the people in the Uppers. As Nell’s secret code is creating a live broadcast of events in real time, the people are watching and start to do this on their own. This leads not only to the biohackers exoneration, but a new understanding between the people of the Uppers and the Dregs.

Resolution: Japheth and Nell, now wary but hopeful, commit to protecting humanity from technological abuses and working toward a more equitable future. Since the conspiracy spans the globe, with sleeper agents already in key positions in major governments, the final act involves coordinating with international biohacker cells to dismantle Medinano’s influence worldwide. Dr. Bennett faces a life sentence, and societal transformation begins with the biohackers at the forefront, heralding a new era of equality and justice.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Beat Sheet

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – This was a great way to bring it all together. I didn’t realize I had confused some elements of the inciting incident and the first turning point, so it helped to clarify that.

2. Starting with your 4-Act Structure, add the following components into your story to create the first draft of your Beat Sheet.

Beginning

– Using their jobs as waste disposal workers to sneak in to a secure facility, unassuming, bespectacled Japheth Bridges and his team use their enhanced genetic talents to plant something in the offices of Medinano, a globally dominant medical tech firm, and to help sneak a scientist out. They are guided by their mentor, Dr. Alice Bennett. This mission is more dangerous than previous missions, and the team is under a great deal of stress. For Japheth’s younger sister, Nell, simply being able to run and jump is a blessing, as she was born with spina bifida – she is their computer hacking wiz. The others have experimented with giving themselves super strength and speed, and are forced to use their skills to evade detection.

– Japheth PJ – Beginning: Using his biohacking skills clandestinely, Japheth treats his sister and improves his and his friends’ physical capabilities.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Turning Point 1: She discovers the mind control tech before Japheth, but we don’t see this. Decides she has to put a stop to it.

– DL – Beginning: Japheth breaking into lab – Dr. Bennett asks him to do something different this time, plant a device in the office of someone high up, as well as sneak a scientist out of the lab. When he discovers the glitch in Nell’s tech –he has to do an on-the-fly installation so they can get away because of the extra risk – he goes to Dr. Bennett and there are new people working with her, he feels shut out. They see on the news that the scientist they helped escape, who is now working with Bennett, is being called a dangerous terrorist. She tells him that an idea he had to spread good programming to fight common infections doesn’t work, and he feels like a failure.

– GC – I am exploring the implications of changes in medical technology, and how they could exacerbate the problems in our current society. It is our world pushed to the extreme because of one particular technological advancement. There will be two worlds explored in the story – the upper world will look a lot like the nicest, most upper class sections of our current world. The Dregs will be a gritty, ugly, grey version of our worst third world slums. This difference will be made very clear with this opening, which begins in the pristine Uppers and then follows our heroes into the starkly contrasted Dregs. I am exploring and commenting on our failing healthcare system and the misuse of technology to control people.

Inciting Incident

– Japheth studies Nell’s new enhancements and the anomalies they encountered on their mission. Meanwhile we see on the news that a terrorist is being hunted by Medinano – considered very dangerous, etc.

– Japheth PJ – Inciting Incident: He investigates and makes an unsettling discovery.

– DL – Inciting Incident: Through his own research, he figures out the secret mind-control programming that Medinano has put into their enhancement protocols. Desperate to prove himself to Dr. Bennett, he goes to tell her they should take this info to the world; she tells him the world is a lot more complicated than he knows anything about and the best thing he can do is go home and never breath a word about this discovery. She’ll let him know when she needs him again.

– GC – In the inciting incident the discovery should be very active – so they begin to suspect something is wrong in the first sequence, and investigate it when they get back to the Dregs. In order to figure out what’s going on, Japheth will have to temporarily remove all of Nell’s enhancements – giving us an idea of the stakes. The stakes are further raised by Dr. Bennett’s warning.
Turning Point 1

– After arguing over what to do all night, terrified that every sound is someone coming to arrest them, they go back to Dr. Bennett’s office the next day to try to convince her to go public with the discovery, but they encounter Medinano’s investigators. Dr. Bennett has disappeared, and they are accused of industrial espionage.

– Japheth PJ – Turning Point 1: “ They barely escape.

– DL – Turning Point 1: “

Act 2

– They are forced to flee, using their enhancements to evade Medinano’s forces. Instead of being able to go public with Medinano’s abuses, they find their own images, edited to look like they’re the aggressors, broadcast all over the world as they are labelled dangerous biohacking terrorists.

– Japheth PJ – Act 2: They flee and hide, meanwhile wondering if they’ve been betrayed by Dr. Bennett. They decide to hunt her down.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Act 2: She goes underground with Dr. Kuthrapali to perfect the virus.

– DL – Act 2: Instead of being able to go public with Medinano’s abuses, they find their own images, edited to look like they’re the aggressors, broadcast all over the world as they are labelled dangerous biohacking terrorists.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint

– In an attempt to exonerate themselves, they hunt down Dr. Bennett, believing that she is working with Medinano and set them up because of their discovery. But when they do find her, they find that the truth is even more chilling: her plan is to release a virus that will eliminate all individuals enhanced with Medinano nanotech, aiming to thwart Medinano’s control but sacrificing millions of lives. Her operatives, who are also enhanced, attempt to capture them. Again, they barely escape.

– Japheth PJ – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: “

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She tries to take Japheth and friends hostage. When that fails, she sends info about how to find them to Medinano.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Act 3: She continues developing her virus, testing it on a Medinano operative she has captured.

– DL – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: During their encounter with Dr. Bennett, they find out she has a daughter and ex-wife in the Uppers, and now a grandchild she has never seen – and her anger over losing them fuels her hatred of Medinano (their teammate and Japheth’s love interest tells them this, and ultimately has to confess that she was working for Medinano and was planning to turn them in).

Act 3

– Shaken by the discovery of Dr. Bennett’s plan, Japheth reevaluates his goals and methods, questioning his mentor’s teachings and his own motivations. At first, Japheth is tempted to allow Dr. Bennett’s plan to proceed. It is Nell who reminds him of his humanity. Now hunted by both Medinano’s forces and Dr. Bennett’s operatives and faced with the dual threat of global manipulation and a biological catastrophe, the group decides to go where no one expects them to go—they will attempt to infiltrate Medinano’s main facility and expose both plots to the world.

– Japheth PJ – Act 3: Japheth is tempted to let Dr. Bennett’s plan unfold, letting millions die – but making a better world for himself and the people he cares about. With Nell’s help he decides to try to stop it and plan to infiltrate Medinano’s facility.

– DL – Act 3: “

Turning Point 3

– Huge failure / Major shift – In a fight with Medinano’s forces, they realize that Japheth’s love interest has betrayed them in exchange for technology to save her mother’s life. Another of the team members dies; they are taken captive.

– Japheth PJ – Turning Point 3: They are betrayed by one of their own and captured.

– DL – Turning Point 3: “

Act 4 Climax

– Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – As they are about to be taken in to have all their enhancements taken away, including Nell’s ability to walk, Dr. Bennett begins her attack. This gives them the opportunity to escape, and they hack into Medinano’s system and start using their own technology against them. Realizing that they can help, they are torn, escape and save themselves, or help the enemy and save millions of lives? But ultimately they choose to stay and use their knowledge of Dr. Bennett’s methods to help the Medinano authorities stop the virus. In the process, Nell is able to broadcast the truth during a live global event.

– Japheth PJ – Act 4 Climax: They give up their chance to get away and decide to help Medinano stop the virus. He realizes that Bennett wouldn’t let her family die and tips off authorities.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Turning Point 3: She releases the virus, paying her family a visit to surreptitiously give them a “vaccine”.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Act 4 Climax: As Japheth and friends battle to stop the virus, Bennett’s arrested and they are able to figure out how to stop the virus from the tech she has given to her family.

– DL – Act 4 Climax: They realize that Dr. Bennett’s point of entry into the Medinano system is the thing that they smuggled in in the first scene–and the code she’s using is Japheth’s.

Resolution

– Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice.

– Japheth PJ – Resolution: The public outcry results in their release and the beginning of societal transformation, which Japheth and Nell will help to lead.

– Dr. Bennett AJ – Resolution: Dr. Bennett is in prison for the rest of her life.

– DL – Resolution: Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice. Since the conspiracy spans the globe, with sleeper agents already in key positions in major governments, the final act involves coordinating with international biohacker cells to dismantle Medinano’s influence worldwide.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Deeper Layer!

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Found even more pieces to the puzzle and some more secrets to make other characters more interesting and intriguing.

2. As we did above with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.

• Surface Layer: Group of young biohackers discover a plot by Medinano to use mind control to seize world dominance.

• Deeper Layer: Their mentor is already aware of this and has a deadly plan to stop it – she’s going to release a virus that will kill all those perpetrating the plan, and millions more.

• Major Reveal: At the midpoint when they find their mentor, believing she works for Medinano, they discover her plan.

• Influences Surface Story – She tells them to leave the problem alone, not to do anything about it, then disappears, leaving them to take the blame for stolen tech.

• Hints: In the first scene they are asked to leave something in a very difficult and dangerous location, and then help a scientist sneak out. Then they find out he’s being hunted as a terrorist, then they are labeled terrorists; There are new people working with Dr. Bennett, and Japheth is suspicious. He asks her about a project he was working on that he thought showed promise, but she says no, it didn’t go anywhere – then he finds evidence that it does work (this is what leads him to suspect that she works for Medinano.) Later we’ll find out she was using his work to distribute the virus – I think he meant it for good, like it could take a good adaptation and spread it to everyone who had the tech so that she would only have to treat one person for a disease that’s going around, something like that.

• Changes Reality: Before the reveal, we believe the story is about a group of kids trying to stop a big bad company from taking over the world; afterwards, we realize that it’s about a group of kids who have to make increasingly difficult moral choices to save lives, even the lives of the people trying to take over the world, possibly to their own detriment.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Six Sense example above.

• Beginning: Japheth breaking into lab – Dr. Bennett asks him to do something different this time, plant a device in the office of someone high up, as well as sneak a scientist out of the lab. When he discovers the glitch in Nell’s tech – maybe he has to do an on-the-fly installation so they can get away because of the extra risk – he goes to Dr. Bennett and there are new people working with her, he feels shut out. They see on the news that the scientist they helped escape, who is now working with Bennett, is being called a dangerous terrorist. She tells him that an idea he had to spread good programming to fight common infections doesn’t work, too dangerous, the code breaks down or something.

• Inciting Incident: Through his own research, he figures out the secret mind-control programming. Desperate to prove himself to Dr. Bennett, he goes to tell her they should take this info to the world; she tells him the world is a lot more complicated than he knows anything about and the best thing he can do is go home and never breath a word about this discovery. She’ll let him know when she needs him again.

• Turning Point 1: After arguing over what to do all night, terrified that every sound is someone coming to arrest them, they go back to Dr. Bennett’s office the next day to try to convince her to go public with the discovery, but they encounter Medinano’s investigators. Dr. Bennett has disappeared, and they are accused of industrial espionage.

• Act 2: They are forced to flee, using their enhancements to evade Medinano’s forces. Instead of being able to go public with Medinano’s abuses, they find their own images, edited to look like they’re the aggressors, broadcast all over the world as they are labelled dangerous biohacking terrorists.

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: In an attempt to exonerate themselves, they hunt down Dr. Bennett, believing that she is working with Medinano and set them up because of their discovery. But when they do find her, they discover that the truth is even more chilling: her plan is to release a virus that will eliminate all individuals enhanced with Medinano nanotech, aiming to thwart Medinano’s control but sacrificing millions of lives. During this, they find out that Dr. Bennett has a daughter and ex-wife in the Uppers, and now a grandchild she has never seen – and her anger over losing them fuels her hatred of Medinano (their teammate and Japheth’s love interest tells them this, and ultimately has to confess that she was working for Medinano and was planning to turn them in). Bennett’s new operatives, who are also enhanced, attempt to capture them. They barely escape.

• Act 3: Shaken by the discovery of Dr. Bennett’s plan, Japheth reevaluates his goals and methods, questioning his mentor's teachings and his own motivations. At first, Japheth is tempted to allow Dr. Bennett’s plan to proceed. It is Nell who reminds him of his humanity. Now hunted by both Medinano’s forces and Dr. Bennett’s operatives and faced with the dual threat of global manipulation and a biological catastrophe, the group decides to go where no one expects them to go— to infiltrate Medinano's main facility and expose both plots to the world. to infiltrate Medinano's main facility and expose both plots to the world. to infiltrate Medinano's main facility and expose both plots to the world. to infiltrate Medinano's main facility and expose both plots to the world.

• Turning Point 3: In a fight with Medinano’s forces, they realize that one of their members has betrayed them in exchange for technology to save his mother’s life. Another of the team members dies; they are taken captive.

• Act 4 Climax: As they are about to be taken in to have all their enhancements taken away, including Nell’s ability to walk, Dr. Bennett begins her attack. This gives them the opportunity to escape, and they hack into Medinano’s system and start using their own technology against them. They then realize that Dr. Bennett’s point of entry into the Medinano system is the thing that they smuggled in in the first scene–and the code she’s using is Japheth’s. Realizing that they can help, they are torn, escape and save themselves, or help the enemy and save millions of lives? Ultimately they choose to stay and use their knowledge of Dr. Bennett’s methods – as well as the knowledge that she has an ex-wife and daughter in the uppers who she would have given a preventative code to – to help the Medinano authorities stop the virus. In the process, due to Nell’s wizardry, they are able to broadcast the truth during a live global event. Despite being detained, the massive public outcry prompts their release and sparks an intense global dialogue on equity and ethics.

• Resolution: Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice. Since the conspiracy spans the globe, with sleeper agents already in key positions in major governments, the final act involves coordinating with international biohacker cells to dismantle Medinano’s influence worldwide.

[Kathryn Gould]

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I came up with some interesting new plot points by looking at the antagonist’s journey on its own.

2. Start with the Protagonist and your source material. Create a beginning, middle, and end of the character’s story.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.

• Beginning: Using his biohacking skills clandestinely, Japheth treats his sister and improves his and his friends’ physical capabilities.

• Inciting Incident: He discovers strange things about the latest Medinano biotech and goes to Dr. Bennett, who tells him to drop it.

• Turning Point 1: Unable to drop it, he digs into the code and realizes that it’s made for mind control, Medinano is going to be able to control anyone who has this biotech. He goes back to Bennett hoping to convince her to help him go public, but she is missing and Medinano investigators accuse him and his friends of industrial espionage. They barely escape.

• Act 2: They use their enhancements to flee and hide, meanwhile wondering if they’ve been betrayed by Dr. Bennett. They decide to hunt her down.

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: They discover that in fact she is working on a much more sinister plan, unleashing a virus that will kill anyone with the latest biotech. This time they barely escape her thugs.

• Act 3: Japheth is tempted to let Dr. Bennett’s plan unfold, letting millions die – but making a better world for himself and the people he cares about. With Nell’s help he decides to try to stop it and plan to infiltrate Medinano’s facility.

• Turning Point 3: They are betrayed by one of their own and captured.

• Act 4 Climax: As they’re about to have all their enhancements taken away, Dr. Bennett releases the virus, allowing them to escape. They give up their chance to get away and decide to help Medinano stop the virus. They do so, but are taken captive again.

• Resolution: They were able to broadcast the truth to the world, and the public outcry results in their release and the beginning of societal transformation, which Japheth and Nell will help to lead.

4. Repeat the process with your Antagonist.

• Beginning: She runs a free clinic that supposedly uses traditional medicine, but secretly she pirates Medinano biotech to treat her sickest clients.

• Inciting Incident: She is discovered, fired, and stripped of her medical license. Her wife, with her support, decides to stay in the Uppers with their daughter. They used to visit but as the child grew, she became resentful of Dr. Bennett’s choices that led to their separation, and now they’re estranged. She has grandchildren she has never met.

• Turning Point 1: She discovers the mind control tech same time as Japheth. Decides she has to put a stop to it.

• Act 2: She goes underground with Dr. Kuthrapali to develop the virus.

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Japheth finds her and learns of her plan. She decides to take Japheth and friends hostage. When that fails, she sends info about them to Medinano, framing them as terrorists.

• Act 3: She continues developing her virus, testing it on a Medinano operative she has captured.

• Turning Point 3: She releases the virus, paying her family a visit to surreptitiously give them a cure.

• Act 4 Climax: As Japheth and friends battle to stop the virus, he realizes that she wouldn’t let her family die and tips off authorities. She’s arrested and they are able to figure out how to stop the virus from the tech she has given to her family.

• Resolution: Dr. Bennett is in prison for the rest of her life.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Kathryn Gould.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Supporting Characters

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: to think about the purpose of each character beforehand so you don’t end up with extra characters who don’t really contribute to the story.

2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.

• Supporting Characters:

o Other biohacking team members – Jace, Olly, Lila

o Scientist who’s helping Dr. Bennett – Dr. Kuthrapali

o Head of Medinano – Matthias Langdon

o Dr. Bennett’s head thug – Pedro

• Background Characters: Other thugs, other Medinano employees, general public in Uppers and Dregs

3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

• Name: Jace

• Role: fellow biohacker

• Main purpose: to betray them in the end

• Value: He will be devil’s advocate, arguing for them to let Dr. Bennett’s plan happen, but will eventually go along with the team – until he betrays them to save his mother, upping the tension

Support 2:

• Name: Olly

• Role: computer geek, learning from Nell

• Main purpose: fill out the team, give Nell a possible love interest

• Value: I think he might be the one who has to die at the end

Support 3

• Name: Lila

• Role: team member, specializes in changing appearances

• Main purpose: helps them with disguises, a possible love interest for Japheth

• Value: Medinano threatens to kill her if they don’t comply

Support 4

• Name: Dr. Kuthrapali

• Role: Dr. Bennett’s ally

• Main purpose: Brings her the intel about the mind control, helps her develop the virus

• Value: A spy within Medinano, he has valuable information that they both can use

Support 5

• Name: Matthias Langdon

• Role: Head of Medinano

• Main purpose: Another antagonist who they will have to help in the end

• Value: He will stand in for the rest of the Uppers as someone who has to recognize the inequity and commit to change after he recognizes what Japheth has done. Before that he is ruthlessly hunting the kids down.

Support 6

• Name: Pedro

• Role: head of Dr. Bennett’s terrorist army

• Main purpose: to terrorize the kids and carry out Dr. Bennett’s plans

• Value: He and his team are biohacked like them, so they will be the physical force they’ll have to contend with when they fight Bennett

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Character Profiles, Part 2

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I had a cool breakthrough! AI put in the character description for Japheth that he often wears glasses, which I thought was hilarious because this character can basically correct anything that’s wrong with him or even give himself supervision – BUT – then I thought, he’s hiding that fact about himself, so it would be perfect for him to wear glasses as part of his cover, and they could even be a tool to help him hack into Medinano’s security, etc. Perfect example of AI spurring a thought that could become something really cool.

Japheth-

• A. The High Concept – When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

• B. This character’s journey – Japheth's journey involves unraveling the truth behind the biohacked sleeper agents and confronting the moral and ethical dilemmas posed by Dr. Bennett's lethal solution. His transformation is marked by his shift from a curious innovator to a decisive leader who must balance the survival of many against his own ideals and those of his team.

• C. The Actor Attractors for this character – He’s a morally complex, innovative genius whose journey is marked by the difficult choice between moral principles and survival. He is torn between his mentor’s radical actions which would benefit him and doing what he knows is right, even though he knows he’ll be punished for it. He chooses to risk his own freedom and his sister’s ability to walk in order to save the lives of people who hate him. He risks his own safety to hack into the sleeper agent network, rallies his team to find a non-lethal solution against Dr. Bennett's virus, and directly confronts his mentor despite their emotional bond. Japheth is earnest yet sarcastic, with a blend of analytical curiosity and streetwise wit. He often masks his insecurities with humor and challenges authority with unyielding persistence.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. Age range and Description: Late teens, early 20s – Japheth is a skilled biohacker with a chip on his shoulder against the authorities who maintain the status quo. Slim, athletic build, with an intense, focused demeanor. Sharp eyes, often hidden behind thick glasses that are part of the disguise to hide his biohacking. Casual, slightly scruffy appearance.

3. Core Traits: Persistent, risk-taker, genius, loyal

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Want – To get him and his sister out of the Dregs; Need: To change the world so that there are no Dregs

5. Wound: Lost his parents to health problems; gave up his chance to leave the Dregs to help his sister

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: He’s helping his disabled little sister be able to walk. He’s a leader and the kids around him look up to him. Relatability: He loves his sister, and he wants to make a better life for them both. He also wants to make himself and his friends stronger so they can live better lives. Empathy: The odds are stacked against him. He’s been wrongly accused and the people coming after him are ruthless. He’s made sacrifices for his sister, giving up an opportunity to have a good job and live in a nice safe place. The society they live in is completely unjust.

7. Character Subtext: Secret – he keeps it a secret that he got into a good school and was going to study bioengineering and be on track to get a good job

8. Character Intrigue: Deception – he hides his abilities from authorities and his better nature from his friends and mentor

9. Flaw: Tends to overanalyze and second-guess himself, which can paralyze decision-making in critical moments.

10. Values: family, loyalty

11. Character Dilemma: Torn between his hatred for the “uppers” and the ethical necessity to save them to prevent a larger crisis.

Dr. Bennett:

A. The High Concept – When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

• B. This character’s journey – Dr. Bennett’s journey is driven by her past experiences with the medical establishment and her radical stance against the misuse of technology. As she implements her drastic solution, she becomes a complex antagonist whose motivations are ethically ambiguous but stem from a desire to prevent greater evils.

• C. The Actor Attractors for this character – The actor would be able to convey a multifaceted performance that straddles the line between noble idealism and ruthless pragmatism, while exploring a morally complex antagonist with a deeply rooted conviction to upend injustice. She is planning to do horrible things but believes she is absolutely morally justified. She is a tragic visionary and a sympathetic yet terrifying antagonist. She manipulates her team, including Japheth, to carry out her ultimate plan. She covertly tests the virus on smaller targets while using her mentorship role to steer Japheth toward revealing valuable information. Her charisma and calculated ruthlessness push her team toward a drastic solution. She seems like a saint but then we find out she’s ruthless and almost remorseless. She displays intense passion combined with a detached, scientific rationality. Her tone can swiftly shift from caring and empathetic to commanding and severe.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: 50s, a disgraced doctor and researcher who is intensely passionate about helping the people of the Dregs

3. Core Traits: Bitter, charismatic, ruthless, visionary

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Want: To punish the people who shunned her; Need: To find a family again

5. Wound: Her wife refused to come with her when she lost her license. She was pregnant when it happened, and then without health care, she lost the baby.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: She helps the poor get healthcare. She mentors kids. Relatability: She is fighting for justice in an unjust world. There really is a terrible plot to make the world an even more unjust and unequal place, and she has a plan to stop it. Empathy: She was fired and everything taken from her for doing good. She lost her family for doing the right thing.

7. Character Subtext: hiding something: she’s a terrorist

8. Character Intrigue: hidden agenda – planning to unleash a deadly virus

9. Flaw: Blinded by her belief in her own moral righteousness, leading to a lack of empathy for those who might suffer due to her actions.

10. Values: justice, equality

11. Character Dilemma: self-forgiveness vs taking revenge on everyone even tangentially related to her pain

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Character Profiles, Part 1

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: The want and need being opposite, or at least somewhat opposing will make for nice conflict within the character. The core traits seem like a great place to make the character’s voice distinct.

Japheth – protagonist

• A. The High Concept – When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

• B. This character’s journey – Japheth’s journey involves unraveling the truth behind the biohacked sleeper agents and confronting the moral and ethical dilemmas posed by Dr. Bennet’s lethal solution. His transformation is marked by his shift from a curious innovator to a decisive leader who must balance the survival of many against his own ideals and those of his team.

• C. The Actor Attractors for this character – He’s a morally complex, innovative genius whose journey is marked by the difficult choice between moral principles and survival. He is torn between his mentor’s radical actions which would benefit him and doing what he knows is right, even though he knows he’ll be punished for it. He chooses to risk his own freedom and his sister’s ability to walk in order to save the lives of people who hate him. He risks his own safety to hack into the sleeper agent network, rallies his team to find a non-lethal solution against Dr. Bennett's virus, and directly confronts his mentor despite their emotional bond. Japheth is earnest yet sarcastic, with a blend of analytical curiosity and streetwise wit. He often masks his insecurities with humor and challenges authority with unyielding persistence.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. Age range and Description: Late teens, early 20s – Japheth is a skilled biohacker with a chip on his shoulder against the authorities who maintain the status quo.

3. Core Traits: Persistent, risk-taker, genius, loyal

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Want – To get out of the Dregs; Need: To change the world so that there are no Dregs

5. Wound: Lost his parents to health problems; gave up his chance to leave the Dregs to help his sister

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: He’s helping his disabled little sister be able to walk. He’s a leader and the kids around him look up to him. Relatability: He loves his sister, and he wants to make a better life for them both. He also wants to make himself and his friends stronger so they can live better lives. Empathy: The odds are stacked against him. He’s been wrongly accused and the people coming after him are ruthless. He’s made sacrifices for his sister, giving up an opportunity to have a good job and live in a nice safe place. The society they live in is completely unjust.

Dr. Bennett, Antagonist:

• A. The High Concept – When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

• B. This character’s journey – Dr. Bennett’s journey is driven by her past experiences with the medical establishment and her radical stance against the misuse of technology. As she implements her drastic solution, she becomes a complex antagonist whose motivations are ethically ambiguous but stem from a desire to prevent greater evils.

• C. The Actor Attractors for this character – The actor would be able to convey a multifaceted performance that straddles the line between noble idealism and ruthless pragmatism, while exploring a morally complex antagonist with a deeply rooted conviction to upend injustice. She is planning to do horrible things but believes she is absolutely morally justified. She is a tragic visionary and a sympathetic yet terrifying antagonist. She manipulates her team, including Japheth, to carry out her ultimate plan. She covertly tests the virus on smaller targets while using her mentorship role to steer Japheth toward revealing valuable information. Her charisma and calculated ruthlessness push her team toward a drastic solution. She seems like a saint but then we find out she’s ruthless and almost remorseless. She displays intense passion combined with a detached, scientific rationality. Her tone can swiftly shift from caring and empathetic to commanding and severe.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: 50s, a disgraced doctor and researcher who is intensely passionate about helping the people of the Dregs

3. Core Traits: Bitter, charismatic, ruthless, brilliant

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Want: To punish the people who shunned her; Need: To find a family again

5. Wound: Her wife refused to come with her when she lost her license. She was pregnant when it happened, and then without health care, she lost the baby.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: She helps the poor get healthcare. She mentors kids. Relatability: She is fighting for justice in an unjust world. There really is a terrible plot to make the world an even more unjust and unequal place, and she has a plan to stop it. Empathy: She was fired and everything taken from her for doing good. She lost her family for doing the right thing.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: All three of these things can make the audience connect to your characters. It’s connection more than pleasant characteristics that engages the audience.

2. Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

• Likability: He’s helping his disabled little sister be able to walk. He’s a leader and the kids around him look up to him.

• Relatability: He loves his sister, and he wants to make a better life for them both. He also wants to make himself and his friends stronger so they can live better lives.

• Empathy: The odds are stacked against him. He’s been wrongly accused and the people coming after him are ruthless. He’s made sacrifices for his sister, giving up an opportunity to have a good job and live in a nice safe place. The society they live in is completely unjust.

3. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

• Likability: She helps the poor get healthcare. She mentors kids.

• Relatability: She is fighting for justice in an unjust world. There really is a terrible plot to make the world an even more unjust and unequal place, and she has a plan to stop it.

• Empathy: She was fired and everything taken from her for doing good. She lost her family for doing the right thing.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Kathryn Gould. Reason: formatting

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Character Intrigue

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Adding subtext even to the good guys will give the characters much more depth and interest, making sure that there is lots and lots of subtext for the actors to play and plenty of twists and turns to keep the audience on their toes.

2. For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.

• Character Name: Japheth

• Role: Protagonist

• Secrets: He secretly applied to a bioengineering course and was going to go to the Uppers and leave his friends and Nell as soon as he figured out how to make her walk

• Secret Identity: he has been disguising himself and going on missions for Dr. Bennett without Nell and the crew, and his alter ego is being hunted by Medinano, putting everyone even more at risk

– How it will show up: We will hear about his alter ego and he will have to talk about how dangerous and careless this guy is, etc., until he has to admit it’s him and that he’s been endangering everyone – he talks bad about the uppers but eventually it’s revealed that he was planning to join them, and he has to admit he was going to leave Nell after telling her over and over that he would never leave

• Character Name: Dr. Bennett

• Role: Antagonist

• Hidden agendas: To introduce a virus that will kill everyone in the uppers

• Conspiracies: Dr. Bennett is part of a shadowy cabal that includes former Medinano executives who regret their actions, and they plan to use the crisis she creates to establish a new world order.

• Secrets: she is secretly in communication with someone at Medinano who smuggles out the tech – she is using Japheth’s work to create a secret army to carry out her plans – she is secretly experimenting on patients

• Deception: she lets everyone think she’s an angel who helps the poor while she’s really harvesting their DNA for her experiments

• Unspoken Wound: She had a wife and child, but their child had a rare genetic disorder that bankrupted them, then she stole tech to try and save the child, and then she still died. Her wife didn’t know about the theft and got to choose whether to stay in the Uppers or come with Alice to the Dregs, and chose to stay.

– How it will show up: Her various secret agendas are basically the whole plot.

• Character Name: Nell

• Role: triangle character

• Deception: she’s been able to walk for months, but doesn’t want Japheth to know because he’ll leave

• Unspoken Wound: their mother refused to come with them and is living in the uppers somewhere without them, or got a job and left them – she knows where she is because of her computer hacking, but hasn’t told Japheth

– How it will show up: She will be pretending not to be able to walk until their lives are on the line, then suddenly she will have to run in order for them not to be caught, and then she will have to explain herself and it will cause a rift between her and Japheth. When they go to the Uppers, maybe she will take a secret side trip to see their mother and Japheth will find out.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Kathryn Gould. Reason: formatting

[Kathryn Gould]

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – I had always thought of subtext as something that was a characteristic of good dialogue, not of a character. Designing a character who automatically has subtext will make it easy to have subtext built into their dialogue already. I also included my 3rd character in this because I recognized that the temptation will be to just make her nice and angelic, and that won’t be very interesting or really very true to life.

2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

• Movie Title: The Creator

• Character Name: Joshua Taylor

• Subtext Identity: A soldier for the anti-AI US Army who is in love with the creator of AI.

• Subtext Trait: Secretive, disloyal

• Subtext Logline: Joshua has been brought back into the army to hunt down a new AI weapon, but he secretly wants to use the weapon to find his wife, who he thought was dead.

• Possible Areas of Subtext: His loyalties are always questionable; you never know if he’s protecting the weapon (an AI child) because he’s starting to care for her or because he’s using her.

3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

• Character Name: Japheth

• Subtext Identity: criminal with a good heart

• Subtext Trait: sneaky, secretive

• Subtext Logline: Japheth makes a show of flaunting the law and using biotech for very illegal activities, but secretly he’s a good kid and always wanted to go to school and get a job in biotech.

• Possible Areas of Subtext: Has to hide his criminal activity and prowess with biotech from authorities, but has to hide his goodness from his friends and mentor

• Character Name: Dr. Bennett

• Subtext Identity: A radical terrorist pretending to be the kind, neighborhood doctor

• Subtext Trait: radical, ruthless

• Subtext Logline: Dr. Bennett is a fallen angel who secretly engineers a virus to eradicate the bio-enhanced elites, believing she's restoring balance to a corrupt world.

• Possible Areas of Subtext: she may be experimenting on some of her patients, she is in touch with people who still work at Medinano who sympathize with her, she’s been using Japheth’s research to create her army – Withholds critical information about the virus’s lethality and her readiness to sacrifice the enhanced population. Masterminds the deployment of the virus while maintaining a facade of mentoring and guiding young biohackers.

• Character Name: Nell

• Subtext Identity: Disabled sister who feels guilty for ruining Japheth’s life.

• Subtext Trait: overly optimistic and cheerful

• Subtext Logline: Nell puts on a happy face but inside feels like she is responsible for all the bad things in Japheth’s life because he turned down an opportunity to get an education and work a good job to come home and take care of her when their parents died.

• Possible Areas of Subtext: always putting on a happy face; too willing to sacrifice herself, low self-esteem

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Kathryn Gould.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Actor Attractors

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned – there are lots of things that make my characters unique and its fun to play around with their characteristics to make them really fascinating and memorable. As an actor I am having fun designing characters I would like to play as well!

Lead Character Name: Japheth Bridges

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He starts out as an immature rebel who just wants to “stick it to the man” and ends up choosing to save millions of lives – the lives of people who hated him. He’s got skills and he’s a bit quiet and brooding, but behind it all he’s a good person who wants to do the right thing. He’s a morally complex, innovative genius whose journey is marked by the difficult choice between moral principles and survival.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? This character will find himself torn between his mentor’s radical actions which would benefit him and doing what he knows is right, even though he knows he’ll be punished for it – and that his sister will lose the ability to walk if he does “the right thing”.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? He gives himself and his friends superpowers. He chooses to risk his own freedom and his sister’s ability to walk in order to save the lives of people who hate him. He risks his own safety to hack into the sleeper agent network, rallies his team to find a non-lethal solution against Dr. Bennett's virus, and directly confronts his mentor despite their emotional bond.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? I’ll introduce Japheth as a brilliant yet frustrated young hacker amidst the bleak landscape of "The Dregs," showcasing his skill by outmaneuvering the security systems of the "uppers" to scavenge advanced medical supplies for his community. He will be doing something so risky and ridiculous it will seem like he’s going to die – then we’ll find out he has enhanced himself to enable him to do these crazy things. I think I might even have him break a leg or something, and then heal himself. Still have to work on the tech. I see an interesting way to discuss theme in this – maybe he is trying to make his bones stronger and stronger, and his sister reminds him that actually he needs to make them flexible – to bend a little instead of breaking. “Bend don’t break” could be one of those lines that gets repeated.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range? He can go from sullen and angry to sweet and loving to self-sacrificing and heroic. He experiences frustration, determination, hope, betrayal, fear, and ultimately a heartbreaking resolution that combines sadness with a grim sense of victory.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He has a chip on his shoulder and seriously considers letting his mentor’s plan unfold without stopping it. Sometimes he just wants to be a kid instead of being like a parent to Nell. He’s the one constantly making decisions, so it’s tempting to just let his mentor make a decision like this for him. Japheth has insecurity stemming from growing up in "The Dregs" while yearning to prove his value as a biohacker. His bond with Dr. Bennett speaks to his need for validation and parental guidance.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? The two main relationships are with his sister and his mentor. His mentor betrays him, but she’s doing it to make his life better; he admires her and part of him believes that her solution may be the only way to make life better for all the people in the Dregs. His relationship with his sister is interesting because he learned how to biohack in order to give her a better life, but in the end he chooses to help the people who want to take away her ability to walk, and she helps him make that decision.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through a series of increasingly difficult decisions that go against his personal best interests. Japheth is earnest yet sarcastic, with a blend of analytical curiosity and streetwise wit. He often masks his insecurities with humor and challenges authority with unyielding persistence.
9. What could make this character special and unique? I think because he’s so conflicted and really understandably tempted to do the wrong and easy thing. His willingness to stand up for the oppressed also makes him a hero for those in the "Dregs" and enables him to affect the people in the Uppers and get them on his side.

Lead Character Name: Dr. Alice Bennett

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Everyone loves playing a villain who so strongly believes in her cause that she will try to accomplish it by any means necessary. The actor would be able to convey a multifaceted performance that straddles the line between noble idealism and ruthless pragmatism, while exploring a morally complex antagonist with a deeply rooted conviction to upend injustice.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She is planning to do horrible things but believes she is absolutely morally justified. She is a tragic visionary and a sympathetic yet terrifying antagonist.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She manipulates her team, including Japheth, to carry out her ultimate plan. She covertly tests the virus on smaller targets while using her mentorship role to steer Japheth toward revealing valuable information. Her charisma and calculated ruthlessness push her team toward a drastic solution while she remains hidden. She eventually betrays the people she cares about because she knows they won’t go along with her plans.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? I think I will have her look like this saving angel who is helping all these poor people and risking her own freedom to do it. She will look incredibly heroic in her opening scene, then we’ll start to suspect she’s working for the big biotech company, and then find out she’s a radical terrorist.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She will go from kind and caring to absolutely ruthless, and we will see hints of her remorse, but she never lets it take over. She expresses bitterness, disillusionment, and resolute determination, as well as betrayal and anger when her plans are thwarted. She maintains a maternal affection for Japheth that devolves into bitter disappointment when he won’t go along with her plans.

6. What subtext can the actor play? At first she is hiding who she is – a radical terrorist. Tons of subtext. Then after we find out, we’ll see that even though she totally believes in her cause, there will be cracks.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Her relationship with Japheth will be very interesting because she sees him as a son and wants to protect him, but also is willing to sacrifice him if she has to for what she sees as “the greater good”.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? As someone who seems like a saint but then we find out she’s ruthless and almost remorseless. She displays intense passion combined with a detached, scientific rationality. Her tone can swiftly shift from caring and empathetic to commanding and severe.

9. What could make this character special and unique? I think it’s that tiny bit of remorse that will make her unique. We’ll continually hope that she changes her mind and that she’s redeemable. I think the remorseless crusader has been done – Julianne Moore in the Hunger Games among others – so I think giving her just that tiny hint of remorse will make her really interesting. Dr. Bennett’s unique mix of medical genius and radical activism makes her both sympathetic and fearsome. She is willing to push moral boundaries while challenging unjust societal norms.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Actor Attractors for “The Creator”

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Even in a genre like scifi thriller there are real emotional stakes as well as life and death stakes that make these movies attractive to actors. Roles are interesting to actors because of the subtext and the emotion they get to play.

Movie Title: The Creator

Lead Character Name: Joshua Taylor

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It’s a redemption story where the hero sacrifices himself
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Because he starts out on one side and slowly changes sides as he learns to love an AI.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Before it even starts, he marries the woman he’s supposed to be spying on (goes native). He decides to protect the AI child from his own team. He ultimately chooses to side with the AI and AI-aligned humans over the west which is totally anti-AI.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? In bed with his wife talking about their coming baby – someone is coming to their house – Americans – he’s an undercover agent – his wife didn’t know, she finds out – she pulls a gun on him – leaves him, then gets blown up
5. What is this character’s emotional range? He goes from skeptical and unfeeling about AI to willing to sacrifice his life for one.
6. What subtext can the actor play? He has constantly divided loyalties. He’s part of an army that is against AI but he marries a woman who programs them and becomes friends with them.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? The most interesting is his relationship with the child who he at first sees as a thing, but then ultimately loves as his own child. His relationship with his wife is very interesting because he’s spying on her but then actually falls in love with her.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He’s always shown as being in the middle between two bad options. He says at one point that he’s not a good person and that he won’t go to heaven because of how he betrayed his wife, but in the end finally believes he can go to heaven because he saves the child.
9. What makes this character special and unique? How he is caught in the middle just trying to get back to his wife who he loves, thought he lost, then thought he could find again, then discovered she really is dead, then in the end is able to have back for just a brief moment, then dies.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
The final scene where he puts Alphie in the escape pod and tells her that he loves her and he will see her in heaven is actor gold.

Lead Character Name (Antagonist): Colonel Howell

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Who doesn’t want to play a villain who believes that she’s saving humanity and is willing to do so by any means necessary? Also for a woman to get a role like this as a strong military leader is rare.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Because she so strongly believes she is right and she will stop at nothing.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She is a complete badass who hunts down our hero and defeats AI at every turn – until her own men stop an AI from saving her life because they’re so scared of it.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She comes in as the leader of a dangerous top secret mission into enemy territory.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? She is fairly one-note, driven and determined, until the very end when she realizes the AI is saving her life, and then in just a few moments you see her question every belief she’s ever held, right before she dies.
6. What subtext can the actor play? She is lying to the hero from the start, telling him that his wife is still alive, in order to get him to do her bidding.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Probably with the hero who she lies to, never really trusts, then begins to hunt down ruthlessly.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She is a hardass till the end, relentless, self-righteous until right before she dies.
9. What makes this character special and unique? It is rare for a woman to have such a masculine role. She’s manipulative and ruthless.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
In her final scene she actually downloads the memories of the hero’s comatose wife in order to learn her secrets, but then when the bomb is on her and it activates, and Alphie stops it from detonating – she realizes that an AI who she was trying to kill is trying to save her life, and in that brief moment she questions all of her convictions… and then she gets blown up.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Kathryn Gould. Reason: Can't get any formatting to stay when I copy and paste

[Kathryn Gould]

I choose to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Thinking about the genre conventions and putting them into AI was a really great way to pack my outline with story elements that will make the script great and hit all the right notes. This is really going to elevate my story.

• Title: The Enhancement Protocol

• Concept: When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

• Genre: Scifi Thriller
3. Go to this Genre Conventions link and make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:

CONVENTIONS OF SCI-FI
PURPOSE: To explore the implications of technological change, alternative
worlds, and/or probable futures that could come from the changes in
science. To cause us to think outside of our own world. – I am exploring the implications of changes in medical technology, and how they could exacerbate the problems in our current society.

FANTASTIC WORLDS: The world of the story is dramatically different from
our current world, in one or more major ways. It could be our world with
some major shift. – It is our world pushed to the extreme because of one particular technological advancement.

SCIENCE: The circumstances and world are based more out of science and
what it might possibly accomplish in the future (or in an alternate
past/species/world/etc), rather than whimsical dreams and fairy tales. – Yes, the inspiration for this story came from an article in a science magazine about possible advances in medical technology in the near future.

INCREDIBLE VISUALS: In exploring the fantastic world of the story, we see
things alien and bizarre compared to our current lives.- There will be two worlds explored in the story – the upper world will look a lot like the nicest, most upper class sections of our current world. The Dregs will be a gritty, ugly, grey version of our worst third world slums.

SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Because we are in a different time, place, and
experience, it is possible to explore current-day social issues, sometimes
going as far as making moral statements. It often contains idealistic hope
or dire warnings. – Yes, this is the most important aspect of the subject for me. I am exploring and commenting on our failing healthcare system and the misuse of technology to control people.

SUB-GENRE: The World/Science is the environment. The sub-genre gives
us the story. – My subgenre is Thriller.

CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax. – In the inciting incident their discovery should be very active, they don’t just see code, one of them starts doing everything the others say. They think it’s funny until someone tells him to go jump off the roof – and he starts to obey. Then they realize how dangerous this tech is – and immediately realize that their lives are in danger for knowing about it. Or maybe it’s Alice who makes them think of this.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger. – Brainstorming even more ways to show danger.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces. – the movie starts with them discovering something huge, and then at the midpoint they discover something even bigger.

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero – hero is just a kid trying to survive, but has serious skills

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way. Our villain is a radicalized terrorist totally committed to her cause. I think I could even play with the fact that she is a doctor – can be a comment on the current healthcare system that’s supposed to save lives but is all about profit.
MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.

4. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure.

Act 1:

• Opening – A group of young biohackers, led by 22-yr-old Japheth Bridges, enhance their genetic talents, guided by their mentor, Dr. Alice Bennett. For Japheth’s younger sister, Nell, simply being able to run and jump is a blessing, as she was born with spina bifida. For the others, they experiment with giving themselves super strength and speed, demonstrating their new skills with harrowing stunts.

• Inciting Incident – In attempting to fix some problems with Nell’s nanotech, Japheth stumbles upon unsettling anomalies within the nanotechnology supplied by Medinano, a globally dominant medical tech firm. Nell starts doing everything Japheth and his friends say – until one of them tells her to jump off the roof, and she almost does. They go to Dr. Bennett for help.

• Turning Point – Their investigation reveals that parts of Medinano’s latest nanotech programming is not designed for healing but for controlling human behavior globally via sleeper agents in key societal roles. Dr. Bennett tells them to go home and forget they ever heard of any of this—this knowledge could get them killed.

Act 2:

• New plan – After arguing over what to do all night, while terrified that every sound is someone coming to arrest them, they go back to Dr. Bennett’s office the next day to try to convince her to go public with the discovery, but they encounter Medinano’s investigators. Dr. Bennett has disappeared, and they have been framed for industrial espionage.

• Plan in action – They are forced to flee, using their enhancements to evade Medinano’s forces. Instead of going public with Medinano’s abuses, they find their own images, edited to look like they’re the aggressors, broadcast all over the world as they are labelled dangerous biohacking terrorists.

• Midpoint Turning Point – In an attempt to exonerate themselves, they hunt down Dr. Bennett, believing that she is working with Medinano and set them up because of their discovery. But when they do find her, they find that the truth is even more chilling: her plan is to release a virus that will eliminate all individuals enhanced with Medinano nanotech, aiming to thwart Medinano’s control but sacrificing millions of lives. Her operatives, who are also enhanced, attempt to capture them. They barely escape.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything – Shaken by the discovery of Dr. Bennett’s plan, Japheth reevaluates his goals and methods, questioning his mentor’s teachings and his own motivations. At first, Japheth is tempted to allow Dr. Bennett’s plan to proceed. It is Nell who reminds him of his humanity.

• New plan – Now hunted by both Medinano’s forces and Dr. Bennett’s operatives and faced with the dual threat of global manipulation and a biological catastrophe, the group decides to go where no one expects them to go—they will attempt to infiltrate Medinano’s main facility and expose both plots to the world.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – In a fight with Medinano’s forces, they lose one of their members and are taken captive.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – As they are about to be taken in to have all their enhancements taken away, including Nell’s ability to walk, Dr. Bennett begins her attack. This gives them the opportunity to escape, but they choose to stay and use their knowledge of Dr. Bennett’s methods to help the Medinano authorities stop the virus. In the process, they are able to broadcast the truth during a live global event. Despite being detained, the massive public outcry prompts their release and sparks an intense global dialogue on bioethics.

• Resolution – Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice.

6. List your structure from Lesson 6 along with the improvements that come from the Genre Conventions, like I did above.

Act 1:

• Opening – (A mysterious scientist makes his way stealthily through Medinano’s lab, clearly stealing something. As he exits he slips something into the pocket of someone in front of him, and is able to sneak out in the confusion. The person is brutally arrested.) A group of young biohackers, led by 22-yr-old Japheth Bridges, enhance their genetic talents, guided by their mentor, Dr. Alice Bennett. For Japheth’s younger sister, Nell, simply being able to run and jump is a blessing, as she was born with spina bifida. For the others, they experiment with giving themselves super strength and speed, (demonstrating their new skills with harrowing stunts).

• Inciting Incident – In attempting to fix some problems with Nell’s nanotech, Japheth stumbles upon unsettling anomalies within the nanotechnology supplied by Medinano, a globally dominant medical tech firm. (Nell starts doing everything Japheth and his friends say – until one of them tells her to jump off the roof, and she almost does. They go to Dr. Bennett for help. Meanwhile we see on the news that a terrorist is being hunted by Medinano – considered very dangerous, etc.)

• Turning Point – Their investigation reveals that parts of Medinano’s latest nanotech programming is not designed for healing but for controlling human behavior globally via sleeper agents in key societal roles. (Dr. Bennett tells them to go home and forget they ever heard of any of this—this knowledge could get them killed. They get a glimpse of someone who has come to visit Dr. Bennett, but can’t tell who it is).

Act 2:

• New plan – (After arguing over what to do all night, while terrified that every sound is someone coming to arrest them, they go back to Dr. Bennett’s office the next day to try to convince her to go public with the discovery, but they encounter Medinano’s investigators.) Dr. Bennett has disappeared, and they have been framed for industrial espionage.

• Plan in action – They are forced to flee, using their enhancements to evade Medinano’s forces. (Instead of going public with Medinano’s abuses, they find their own images, edited to look like they’re the aggressors, broadcast all over the world as they are labelled dangerous biohacking terrorists.)

• Midpoint Turning Point – In an attempt to exonerate themselves, they hunt down Dr. Bennett, (believing that she is working with Medinano and set them up because of their discovery.) But when they do find her, they find that the truth is even more chilling: (they finally recognize the guys who was visiting her as the terrorist Medinano was hunting) her plan is to release a virus that will eliminate all individuals enhanced with Medinano nanotech, aiming to thwart Medinano’s control but sacrificing millions of lives. (Her operatives, who are also enhanced, attempt to capture them.) They barely escape.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything – Shaken by the discovery of Dr. Bennett’s plan, Japheth reevaluates his goals and methods, questioning his mentor’s teachings and his own motivations. At first, Japheth is tempted to allow Dr. Bennett’s plan to proceed. It is Nell who reminds him of his humanity.

• New plan – Now hunted by both Medinano’s forces and Dr. Bennett’s operatives and faced with the dual threat of global manipulation and a biological catastrophe, the group decides to go where no one expects them to go—they will attempt to infiltrate Medinano’s main facility and expose both plots to the world.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – In a fight with Medinano’s forces, they (realize that one of their members has betrayed them in exchange for technology to save his mother’s life). Another of the team members dies; they are taken captive.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – As they are about to be taken in to have all their enhancements taken away, including Nell’s ability to walk, Dr. Bennett begins her attack. This gives them the opportunity to escape (and they hack into Medinano’s system and start using their own technology against them), but ultimately they choose to stay and use their knowledge of Dr. Bennett’s methods to help the Medinano authorities stop the virus. In the process, they are able to broadcast the truth during a live global event. Despite being detained, the massive public outcry prompts their release and sparks an intense global dialogue on bioethics.

• Resolution – Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice.

[Kathryn Gould]

Just want y’all to know that I went through after copying and pasting and added in carriage returns after every single paragraph. It didn’t keep a single one. I don’t know what else to do. Sorry for anyone who wants to read it.

[Kathryn Gould]

I want to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.
What I learned: Each step in creating the outline becomes more and more specific and cinematic. I don’t need to worry about having everything perfectly worked out before moving on.
• Concept – When a team of young biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.
• Main Conflict: In this divided world where only about 20% of the population can afford medical enhancements. These folks live the high-life in gated cities called the “uppers” while the rest of the world suffers powerlessly in disease-ridden slums called The Dregs. Their mentor plans to unleash a virus that would not only kill all the sleeper agents, it would wipe out the entire enhanced population. Japheth, who has always hated the “uppers”, finds himself having to fight to save the very people who treated him like trash.
• Old Ways: Japheth’s old ways are characterized by bitterness and a narrow focus on personal and familial revenge against an unjust healthcare system. He is ignorant of his mentor’s plans and hates the “uppers”, only interested in the well-being of his small group. He operates in secrecy, using stolen or improvised technology to treat his sister and enhance himself, viewing the law and societal norms with contempt.
• New Ways: In his new ways, Japheth embraces his role as a protector of the common good. He realizes that his mentor’s plan is wrong even though it helps him and his group, and he is willing to risk his life to save not only people he doesn’t know but people who treated him and his friends terribly. He has become responsible and humane, pioneering a movement for technological democratization to ensure fair access to medical advancements. He values transparency, collective action, and legal reforms to achieve what once he tried to obtain through defiance and subterfuge.

Act 1:
• Opening – A group of young biohackers, led by 22-yr-old Japheth Bridges, enhance their genetic talents, guided by their mentor, Dr. Alice Bennett. For Japheth’s younger sister, Nell, simply being able to run and jump is a blessing, as she was born with spina bifida. For the others, they experiment with giving themselves super strength and speed.
• Inciting Incident – In attempting to fix some problems with Nell’s nanotech, Japheth stumbles upon unsettling anomalies within the nanotechnology supplied by Medinano, a globally dominant medical tech firm.
• Turning Point – Their investigation reveals that parts of Medinano’s latest nanotech programming is not designed for healing but for controlling human behavior globally via sleeper agents in key societal roles. They turn to Dr. Bennett for help-
Act 2:
• New plan – …only to find she has disappeared, and they have been framed for industrial espionage.
• Plan in action – They are forced to flee, using their enhancements to evade both authorities and Medinano’s operatives.
• Midpoint Turning Point – In an attempt to exonerate themselves, they hunt down Dr. Bennett and discover her chilling plan: to release a virus that will eliminate all individuals enhanced with Medinano nanotech, aiming to thwart Medinano’s control but sacrificing millions of lives. They barely escape.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – At first, Japheth is tempted to allow Dr. Bennett’s plan to proceed. It is Nell who reminds him of his humanity.
• New plan – Now hunted by both Medinano’s forces and Dr. Bennett’s operatives and faced with the dual threat of global manipulation and a biological catastrophe, the group decides to infiltrate Medinano’s main facility to expose both plots to the world.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – In a fight with Medinano’s forces, they lose one of their members and are taken captive.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – As they are about to be taken in to have all their enhancements taken away, including Nell’s ability to walk, Dr. Bennett begins her attack. This gives them the opportunity to escape, but they choose to stay and help the Medinano authorities stop the virus. In the process, they are able to broadcast the truth during a live global event. Despite being detained, the massive public outcry prompts their release and sparks an intense global dialogue on bioethics.
• Resolution – Although wary of mainstream society, the biohackers commit to vigilantly protecting humanity from future technological misuses, while working toward a more equitable future and seeing their former mentor as well as those who masterminded the global conspiracy brought to justice.

[Kathryn Gould]

I want to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: I definitely always have tried to write with subtext, but I never thought about the different kinds of subtext and how I could look at the story through all those different lenses to make sure that subtext is woven throughout.

3. Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

1. I’ll be using 3) someone hides who they are and 6) A Major Coverup

– For someone hides who they are, it’s their mentor, Dr. Bennett – she is hiding the fact that she is a radical terrorist who plans to commit mass murder. I see this as maybe the midpoint revelation – she disappears and they think that something has happened to her, but it turns out she has gone underground because of this terrible thing she’s about to do.

– For Major Cover Up – in the inciting incident, the main character will discover that the giant global medical tech company has sleeper agents in major positions of power who are working to make sure they get to keep making as much money as possible and never have to share their technology or face any consequences for unethical actions. I think this can play well throughout, because we’ll never know if someone they’re talking to is a sleeper agent or not.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Kathryn Gould.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Transformational Journey

I want to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned: Starting with this transformational journey will make sure that my characters and the story are moving and emotional.

Arc Beginning: Japheth is a small time biohacker only interested in improving himself and his friends and helping his sister.

Arc Ending: He has come to see the interconnectedness of humanity and is willing to risk his life to save even the people who were awful to him.

Internal Journey: He goes from being selfish and only interested in his small group to loving all of humanity.

External Journey: He goes from small time hacker to saving millions of lives and instigating change in the entire society.

Old Ways: ignorant of his mentor’s plans – hating the “upper world” – only interested in his small group – bitter and angry

New Ways: realizing that his mentor’s plan is wrong even though it helps him and his group – willing to risk his life to save not only people he doesn’t know but people who treated him and his friends terribly – responsible and humane

Here’s what I got from AI after telling it to take his sister’s storyline and the unjust world into account:

Revised Character Arc for Japheth Bridges

Arc Begins: Japheth Bridges is a gifted biohacker driven by a personal mission: to heal his sister, born with spina bifida, and to transcend his own physical limitations. Living in a world where advanced nanotech healthcare is a luxury only the wealthy can afford, Japheth harbors a deep-seated resentment against the socio-economic system that keeps life-saving technology out of reach for the majority, including his impoverished family. Initially, his motivations are deeply emotional and somewhat vengeful, fueled by the desire to subvert a system that favors the elite.

Arc Ends: By the story’s conclusion, Japheth has evolved from a revenge-driven hacker to a visionary leader who sees beyond his personal grievances. He understands that his abilities can be used not just for personal gain or immediate family relief, but for larger societal reform. Japheth emerges as a champion for equitable access to technology, advocating for policies and practices that prevent the exploitation of the vulnerable. He still seeks to protect and heal but does so through creating a more just system rather than merely circumventing the existing one.

Improvement Suggestions for Character Arc:

1. Introduce early in the narrative the stark contrasts between the healthcare his sister receives and that available to the elite, emphasizing the injustice.

2. Illustrate his initial radical actions against the system as misguided attempts to bring immediate change, which evolve into more strategic, impactful actions as he matures.

Revised Internal/External Journey

Internal Journey: Internally, Japheth struggles with anger and frustration towards a system that prioritizes wealth over health. His journey involves overcoming his initial impulses for personal vendetta and realizing that true change requires systemic transformation. He must reconcile his personal desires with the broader need for social justice, leading to a significant maturation of his worldview.

External Journey: Externally, Japheth’s journey involves using his biohacking skills initially to clandestinely treat his sister and improve his physical capabilities. As he confronts the global conspiracy, his journey becomes a crusade against Medinano’s exploitative practices, transforming his personal rebellion into a public revolution. His actions shift from covert operations in shadowy labs to bold confrontations in the heart of Medinano’s facilities.

Improvement Suggestions for Internal/External Journey:

1. Clearly depict the evolution of his tactics from secretive personal enhancements to open confrontation and whistleblowing.

2. Highlight key moments where personal sacrifices lead to broader gains for the underprivileged, emphasizing the transition in his approach.

Revised Old Ways/New Ways

Old Ways: Japheth’s old ways are characterized by bitterness and a narrow focus on personal and familial revenge against an unjust healthcare system. He operates in secrecy, using stolen or improvised technology to treat his sister and enhance himself, viewing the law and societal norms with contempt.

New Ways: In his new ways, Japheth embraces his role as a protector of the common good. He pioneers a movement for technological democratization, ensuring fair access to medical advancements. He values transparency, collective action, and legal reforms to achieve what once he tried to obtain through defiance and subterfuge.

Improvement Suggestions for Old Ways/New Ways:

1. Develop incidents that clearly show the failures and limitations of his initial secretive methods, prompting a shift to more open and inclusive strategies.

2. Create scenes that showcase his influence on others, turning his personal quest into a widespread societal movement.

These revisions will ensure that Japheth’s character arc, internal and external journeys, and transformation from old ways to new ways are deeply integrated into the narrative, highlighting his growth from a vengeful biohacker to a reformative leader within the dystopian world of the story.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  cheryl croasmun. Reason: removed code from post
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  cheryl croasmun.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Intentional Lead Characters

I want to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned from this assignment – I think I will be able to save a lot of time by designing my characters to fit together this way. The AI came up with basically what I did, just used a lot more words, so I feel like at the very least I’m thinking logically about how they all fit together.

Give us a logline (one sentence answer) for your protagonist, antagonist, and triangle character (if you have one) to the question, “What makes this character fit my concept and title powerfully?” Tell us what makes each of these characters unique.

Character 1 (protagonist): Japheth Bridges

Logline: Japheth is a genius teen biohacker who has discovered a plot to control the world through medical nanotech.

Unique: He has a chip on his shoulder against the upper worlders that makes him easily manipulated.

Character 2: Nell Bridges

Logline: Nell is Japheth’s little sister who was born with spina bifida, and Japheth dedicated his life to figuring out how to hack medical nanotech in order to heal her.

Unique: Nell is a ray of sunshine in a dark and dingy world, and her goodness and purity are what pulls Japheth back from following his mentor into homocidal insanity.

Character 3 (antagonist): Dr. Alice Bennett

Logline: Dr. Bennett is the teen’s mentor, a former doctor and researcher in the upper worlds who was stripped of her medical license for trying to help the poor.

Unique: She has come to the conclusion that the only way to fix the world is to murder everyone in the upper worlds and let the people from the Dregs take over.

AI:

Protagonist

Character: Japheth Bridges

Role: Genius teen biohacker

Journey: Japheth’s journey involves unraveling the truth behind the biohacked sleeper agents and confronting the moral and ethical dilemmas posed by Dr. Bennett’s lethal solution. His transformation is marked by his shift from a curious innovator to a decisive leader who must balance the survival of many against his own ideals and those of his team.

Unique: Japheth’s unique brilliance in biohacking provides him the tools and knowledge to decode and possibly dismantle the sleeper agent network. His youth and inexperience add to his underdog appeal, making his breakthroughs and strategic decisions more impactful.

Intentional: His deep knowledge of biohacking and personal stake in the use of technology for empowerment (stemming from his sister’s condition) drive the narrative forward. His discoveries and decisions fuel the plot’s central conflict and thematic exploration of technology’s role in society.

Antagonist

Character: Dr. Alice Bennett

Role: Formerly licensed doctor, now a radical mentor

Journey: Dr. Bennett’s journey is driven by her past experiences with the medical establishment and her radical stance against the misuse of technology. As she implements her drastic solution, she becomes a complex antagonist whose motivations are ethically ambiguous but stem from a desire to prevent greater evils.

Unique: Dr. Bennett’s unique blend of medical expertise and radical activism provides her with the means and motive to execute a high-stakes plan that challenges the protagonists on ethical grounds. Her complex character blurs the lines between villain and visionary.

Intentional: Her background as a doctor stripped of her license for altruistic yet illegal acts adds depth to her motivations and actions. She challenges the protagonists not just physically but ideologically, pushing them to consider the broader implications of their actions.

Connecting Character

Character: Nell Bridges

Role: Japheth’s younger sister and moral compass

Journey: Nell’s journey involves her grappling with her own limitations and the societal view of her disability, juxtaposed against the emerging bioethical crisis. Her growth is intertwined with the core plot, as she influences Japheth’s decisions and offers a personal stake in the use of biohacking technology.

Unique: Born with spina bifida, Nell’s direct experience with disability provides a unique perspective on the potential benefits and dangers of biohacking. Her condition makes her a symbol of the stakes involved in the misuse of technology.

Intentional: Nell acts as the emotional core and moral compass of the story, challenging Japheth to consider the human cost of technological enhancement. Her disability and her relationship with Japheth enrich the story’s emotional depth and thematic resonance, making the audience deeply invested in the personal and global implications of the protagonist’s choices.

These characters, set against the backdrop of a sci-fi/thriller, explore profound themes of technology, power, ethics, and humanity, driving your screenplay, “The Enhancement Protocol,” with a compelling narrative and complex interpersonal dynamics.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  cheryl croasmun. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  cheryl croasmun.

[Kathryn Gould]

I want to be a highly creative and energized writer who makes big movies and loves her life working with the most creative people in the world.

What I learned from doing this assignment is – I’m not sure that my concept will work. I wish we were told at the beginning that ensemble pieces wouldn’t be allowed. I don’t think that the problems with ensemble pieces will be a problem for this because the main characters are a group of teenagers, so they can be unknowns who won’t be fighting over credit and should be easy to schedule. But if we’re not even going to go over that structure in this class, I guess I’ll try to use one of the others.

Title: The Enhancement Protocol

Genre: Sci-fi/ Thriller

Concept: When a team of teen biohackers uncovers a global conspiracy to control the world through a network of biohacked sleeper agents, their mentor’s lethal solution to the problem will force them to choose between saving millions of lives and saving themselves.

Character Structure: I guess I’ll choose the dramatic triangle and pick 2 of the teens to feature, maybe a brother-sister duo or something, along with their mentor who is the antagonist.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Query Letter

What I learned: Great refresh on this simple and powerful method. This really helps distill the story down to its essence.

Genre: Action/Comedy
Title: Supermom

Even superheroes have… needs.

Belinda Flick AKA Incrediwoman has always kept her crime-fighting partner and America’s formerly #1 superhero, Atomic Man, at arm’s length—who has time for romance when you’re saving the world AND running a multibillion-dollar corporation, am I right? But one night, after a particularly harrowing escape… well, you know.

A month later, as she’s interrogating some terrorists who have broken into her lab to steal her invincibility formula, the interrogation turns into a massive puke fest.

A trip to one of the doctors who works for her confirms her worst fear—SHE’S PREGNANT.

And since she’s invincible… ending the pregnancy isn’t an option. (Oh, but she tries. Yes, she tries.)

Now the President of the United States is up her ass, wanting her to turn over her formula to “keep it safe” (read: make supersoldiers). And since she’s battling superpowered pregnancy symptoms, she has uncontrollable flatulence and debilitating edema in front of the leader of the free world. It’s really putting a cramp in her crime-fighting, too.

She decides that her only choice is to make the trek back to the remote Himalayan mountains where she first stole the magical secret ingredient that gave her powers. There she finds a utopian village whose residents are sworn to protect the ingredient, which comes from the Source of all life on Earth. They’ll raise her child so she can go back to her normal life, but… is that life is really worth going back to?

And… oops. She may have just revealed the Source’s location to the bad guys. Can she and the villagers learn to trust each other in time to save the world—and before Belinda goes into labor?

BIO: Kathryn Gould is a produced screenwriter (Apartment 212) and is represented by Kinetic Media. She was most recently hired to develop an animated TV show based on a series of James Patterson novels with Axis Studios (Netflix’s Love, Death and Robots, and Scrooge: A Christmas Carol), and is in development on an animated feature project with director and animator Alex Orrelle (Space Jam 2, Klaus, The Incredibles). She’s a formerly pregnant person (twice!) and has a Master’s Degree in Family and Child Studies, making her particularly well-equipped to write about things like balancing motherhood and a demanding career. She has no experience being an invincible superhero, unless you count that time she kicked breast cancer’s ass.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.

a. A type-A superhero and CEO accidentally gets pregnant and has to fight supervillains and terrorists while running a company dealing with her baby-daddy’s ego.

i. Her main journey is going from being a control-freak who won’t let herself depend on anyone, to someone who can let people in and belong to a community/ family. Basically, it’s about an invincible superhero who has to learn to be vulnerable.

ii. She accidentally gets pregnant and has to reevaluate her whole life.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma – After getting knocked up, an invincible superhero has to learn how to be vulnerable.

Main Conflict – An invincible superhero who runs her own corporation and never wanted kids gets knocked up by her vain, superhero crime-fighting partner and has to deal with superpowered pregnancy symptoms while fighting terrorists, running her company, and dealing with her baby daddy’s ego.

What’s at stake? “Everybody’s after me secret formula” – After unexpectedly getting pregnant, a superhero has to fend off terrorists, military goons who want to make supersoldiers, and the affections of her vain, superhero baby-daddy as she decides whether or not she has what it takes to be a mother.

Goal/Unique Opposition – What if your baby daddy ended up trying to take over the world? What do you do when your superpowered baby daddy ends up being the biggest super villain of them all?

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

“Knocked Up” with a superhero – A type-A, control freak superhero has to combat superpowered pregnancy symptoms while she’s trying to fight terrorists, keep the military from taking her research to make supersoldiers, and deal with her vain, superhero baby-daddy.

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Lots of good ways to approach a pitch here.

I actually like a combo the best:

It’s “Knocked Up” with a superhero – A type-A, control freak superhero has to combat superpowered pregnancy symptoms while she’s trying to fight terrorists, keep the military from taking her research to make supersoldiers, and deal with her vain, superhero baby-daddy. But at its heart, it’s a story about an invincible superhero learning to be vulnerable.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned: I came up with another betrayal that will make the final betrayal that much more powerful and shocking!

1. She goes from being wanted by the government to fighting terrorists alongside the guy who arrested her.

2. She finds out she’s pregnant when she throws up all over a bunch of terrorists she’s interrogating.

3. Her pregnancy symptoms are super-powered

4. She decides to seek help from the people she stole her secret ingredient from

5. Her baby-daddy turns out to be the main villain, got her pregnant on purpose, and she has to fight him in the end to save the Source of all life on Earth.

6. Will she give up her superpowers in order to get rid of her unwanted child? In the end that becomes: will she give up her superpowers in order to protect the Source of all life?

7. She discovers that the people she stole from are actually the protectors of all life on earth.

8. Her trusted lead scientist betrays her

9. This is new: The general sends troops to arrest her for espionage, but Atomic Man shows up and warns her, allowing her to escape. This is all a big set up so that we are 100% certain he’s a good guy AND that he loves her, making the reversal that much more powerful.

10. An attempted abortion scene that toys with the line between what’s funny and what’s offensive, could create some interesting controversy

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Producer/Manager

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

a. First, I would make sure that this producer is someone who has a track record of producing big budget films and loves comedy. My manager will help get me in the room with the right people. I will rehearse the pitch a LOT and make sure that I am hitting the big hooks.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

a. I am presenting this to him not only as a project to try and get made, but also as a sample for Marvel jobs. My other sample scripts are a bit dark, and I wanted something with a lot of comedy so that potential employers can see that I can do that well. Raunchy comedies have typically been the purview of male writers in the past, but many studios are now looking for female writers, so I want to put my best foot forward.

3. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

I knew most of this, but it’s nice to have a reminder and clarification.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn’s Marketable Components

I learned: I have a lot of marketable components, but I hadn’t considered “the ultimate”. Really leaning into the “super-pregnancy” aspect of the story will be a great way to show the humor and get the tone across.

1. Tell us your current logline.

A type-A superhero and CEO accidentally gets pregnant and has to figure out how she’s going to save the world and run her company while battling terrorists, super-sized pregnancy complications, and her baby-daddy’s ego.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

A. Unique. – A pregnant superhero
B. Great Title – an ok title, but I’d like to work on it
C. True. – no
D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event. – women’s rights
E. It’s a first. – first pregnant superhero – OK just found a TV series no one ever saw on IMdb called Super Knocked Up, about a super villain who gets knocked up by a womanizing superhero. I am not sure what to do with this information. It was a very low-budget production with no name talent.
F. Ultimate. – It’s the “ultimate pregnancy” – every terrible thing that can go wrong during pregnancy does, sidelining this otherwise invincible superhero.
G. Wide audience appeal. – not the widest, but considering the subject matter, I don’t see making this less than R-rated. With the success of Deadpool, I don’t think that’s an issue anymore.
H. Adapted from a popular book. – no
I. Similarity to a box-office success. – Like Knocked Up, but with a superhero. Tone and scope like Deadpool.
J. A great role for a bankable actor. – I’d like to go to Kristen Bell or Zoe Saldana

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.

Okay… maybe I’ll focus on –

I. Similarity to a box office success – Knocked Up with a superhero. “Knocked Up” is THE classic pregnancy raunch-com, and it explains the tone perfectly.

F. Ultimate. – It’s the “ultimate pregnancy” – every terrible thing that can go wrong during pregnancy does, threatening to sideline this otherwise invincible superhero. This is where a lot of the humor comes from – she’s capturing terrorist and pukes all over them; she’s in an important meeting with a 5-star general, and she’s having uncontrollable flatulence; she’s about to dash off to fight the bad guys, and her feet swell up and she trips and lands on her face.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Gould’s Project and Market

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Action-Comedy, “Supermom”. It’s “Knocked Up” with a superhero – A type-A superhero and CEO accidentally gets pregnant and has to figure out how she’s going to save the world and run her company while battling terrorists, super-sized pregnancy complications, and her baby-daddy’s ego.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

It’s high-concept comedy with a lot of action. The tone is tongue-in-cheek, not taking itself too seriously, while still (hopefully) delivering an engaging story, characters we care about, and a real message under the surface.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

My first target will be my manager. If he likes it then we will probably go to agents, because it’s really big budget and I don’t think we can get to the sizes of production companies or stars that we need going directly to them. I also want to use this as a sample script to go up for big comic-movie jobs, like Marvel and DC.

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

To think about the big picture selling points.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn Gould

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Kathryn Gould]

Hi, I’m Kathryn Gould. Started with Screenwritingu about 10 years ago and I’ve written around 15 screenplays. I have a manager and I’m now doing paid writing assignments.

I’m currently in development on an animated TV series based on some James Patterson novels, and I’m planning a trip to the animation festival in Annecy, France in June to pitch a project I wrote with a director who’s worked at Pixar and Warner Brothers.

This summer I hiked my first two 14ers! (Those are mountains over 14,000 ft high, for those of you not in Colorado!)

[Kathryn Gould]

Hi David!

Really exciting concept! I would massage the wording just a little bit to give it more impact. For instance, the first sentence feels a little rushed, and because of that is confusing. Maybe "Tessa hears her brother calling out for help, but when she follows his voice… she finds him passed out and unconscious on the floor of the diner where she works!"

And then when you introduce the drug, make sure you describe it as not only the most dangerous drug that's ever hit the streets, but let us know that it's supernatural right away. Also, I'm wondering why anyone would take this drug if it just steals your soul. So maybe something like – "it gives you a high like nothing you've ever felt before- then steals your soul!"

She "needs" to sacrifice herself might be more impactful as "she will have to" or "if she wants to save her brother, she will have to".

Maybe set up the ending a little more like – "just when we think she'll never escape the underworld, she discovers powers she never knew she had…"

Kathryn

[Kathryn Gould]

No, I’ll check it out, thanks!

[Kathryn Gould]

oh my gosh just saw this sorry, do you still want to trade?