[Michael Collado]

Elevator Pitch

I am working on a Family Dramedy about a team of ragtag brainiac misfits who transform into baseball prodigies using science, math, and physics. All because of their coach, a suspended police detective, and her unconventional methods. But when she discovers a corporate sponsor’s nanotechnology experiments targeting the other teams, she’s out to win—and expose the truth.

Telephone or Pitch Fest Pitch

Hi, I think you might be interested in a Family Dramedy about a team of ragtag brainiac misfits who transform into baseball prodigies using science, math, and physics all because of a self-proclaimed physics professor from the local tavern, and their coach, a suspended police detective. As the team starts to defy all odds on the field, she stumbles upon a dark secret—one of the Little League’s major sponsors is covertly using the other kids as guinea pigs for a groundbreaking nanotechnology experiment. Now, she must lead her team to victory and expose the sinister plot before it’s too late.

Query Letter

Hi (producer’s name) I thought you might be interested in Smart Ball because you have produced family sports dramedies.

Smart Ball is about a team of misfit brainiacs transformed into baseball prodigies by a suspended police detective who uses unorthodox coaching methods.

After being suspended from the police force for insubordination—and an act of heroism that would have earned a male officer an accolade—Detective Jocinda finds herself adrift,
questioning her value behind and beyond the badge. When her goddaughter’s baseball team needs a coach, Jocinda, with high school and college softball experience, takes on the job.
But these kids aren’t your average players. They’re academic geniuses who can ace a calculus test but can’t figure out how to catch a fly ball.
Jocinda’s street smarts and collegiate knowledge of the game fall flat, and the team’s dismal performance threatens to send them to the bottom of the league.

Desperate for a breakthrough, Jo enlists an unlikely ally—a self-proclaimed physics professor she meets at the local tavern.

With his help, the team learns to harness their smarts to master the game by applying science and physics to the art of baseball.
As the season progresses and the team starts making headway, Jo discovers that one of the league’s major corporate sponsors is conducting a sinister nanotechnology experiment,
using kids from rival teams as unwitting test subjects. Jo investigates her theory, but exposing the truth risks everything, including her team's and goddaughter's safety.
With time running out, Jo must lead her team to victory on and off the field, balancing the pressures of coaching with the demands of an investigation and its consequences.

Winning the game might save the season, but uncovering the truth could save lives.

With 17 years of firsthand coaching experience and proven techniques, I have helped many young athletes. I bring authenticity, insight, and a passion for mentoring to this screenplay.
Best Regards,

Michael Collado
ColladoM22@gmail.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/colladom/
773.415.2237

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is how to put together answers to the questions of what a producer needs, eliminating all the common questions they would have.

Tell us your credibility – Hi, I’m Michael Collado, and I have 17 years of firsthand coaching experience and proven techniques that I have used to help many young athletes.

I have a Dramedy titled Smart Ball that is about a suspended detective who transforms a team of misfit brainiacs into baseball prodigies—but her biggest rival is a Little League sponsor’s sinister nanotech experiment on the other kids.

Tell us your genre is a Dramedy.

The title of the movie is Smart Ball.

What is your one or two-sentence hook? – I have a Dramedy about a suspended detective who transforms a team of misfit brainiacs into baseball prodigies—but her biggest rival is a Little League sponsor’s sinister nanotech experiment on the other kids.

What is the budget range? The budget range would be between 10 million and 20 million.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Actress for Jocinda – China Anne McClain (Black Lightning, Descendants): With her ability to portray determined and empathetic characters, McClain could bring authenticity and depth to Jocinda’s journey.

Actress for goddaughter – Marsai Martin (Black-ish, Little): A talented young actress with excellent comedic timing and emotional depth, perfect for playing a bright and determined character.

Actor for Physics Professor – • Rainn Wilson (The Office, Don’t Tell a Soul): Known for his offbeat comedic style, Wilson could bring a quirky yet endearing quality to the professor.

Actor for Mr. Black the antagonists – Giancarlo Esposito (Breaking Bad, The Mandalorian): Esposito excels at playing calculated, morally ambiguous villains with a polished exterior, making him a strong choice for a corporate antagonist.

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1 – After being suspended from the police force for insubordination—and an act of heroism that would have earned a male officer an accolade—Detective Jocinda finds herself adrift, questioning her value behind and beyond the badge. When her goddaughter’s baseball team needs a coach, Jocinda, with high school and college softball experience, takes on the job. But these kids aren’t your average players. They’re academic geniuses who can ace a calculus test but can’t figure out how to catch a fly ball.

Act 2 – Jocinda’s street smarts and collegiate knowledge of the game fall flat, and the team’s dismal performance threatens to send them to the bottom of the league. Desperate for a breakthrough, Jo enlists an unlikely ally—a self-proclaimed physics professor she meets at the local tavern. With his help, the team learns to harness their smarts to master the game by applying science and physics to the art of baseball.

Act 3 – As the season progresses and the team starts making headway, Jo discovers that one of the league’s major corporate sponsors is running a sinister nanotechnology experiment—using kids from rival teams as unwitting test subjects. It’s a case only Jo can crack, but exposing the truth risks everything, including her team and goddaughter's safety. With time running out, Jo must lead her team to victory on and off the field, balancing the pressures of coaching with the demands of an investigation that could cost her everything.
Winning the game might save the season, but uncovering the truth could save lives.

How does it end? (setup/payoff). In the very last scene of the movie, the last piece of the evidence board floats into a box, duplicating the movie's first scene; we find out that the physics professor is the person behind the nanotechnology experimental program.

Credibility questions: What have you done? With 17 years of firsthand coaching experience and proven techniques, I have helped many young athletes. I bring authenticity, insight, and a passion for mentoring to this screenplay.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Query Letter

From this lesson, I learned that writing a query letter is not that complicated, and if you make it complex, a producer might not read it.

Title: Smart Ball

Genre: Family/Dramedy

Suspended for insubordination, junior detective Jocinda Ames steps in to coach her goddaughter’s baseball team, only to face a quirky lineup of brainiac misfits whose genius makes grasping the game’s basics a baffling challenge.

After being suspended from the police force for insubordination—and an act of heroism that would have earned a male officer an accolade—Detective Jocinda finds herself adrift, questioning her value behind and beyond the badge. When her goddaughter’s baseball team needs a coach, Jocinda, with high school and college softball experience, takes on the job. But these kids aren’t your average players. They’re academic geniuses who can ace a calculus test but can’t figure out how to catch a fly ball. Jo’s street smarts and collegiate knowledge of the game fall flat, and the team’s dismal performance threatens to send them to the bottom of the league.

Desperate for a breakthrough, Jo enlists an unlikely ally—a self-proclaimed physics professor she meets at the local tavern. With his help, the team learns to harness their smarts to master the game by applying science and physics to the art of baseball.

As the season progresses and the team starts making headway, Jo discovers that one of the league’s major corporate sponsors is running a sinister nanotechnology experiment—using kids from rival teams as unwitting test subjects. It’s a case only Jo can crack, but exposing the truth risks everything, including her team's and goddaughter's safety. With time running out, Jo must lead her team to victory on and off the field, balancing the pressures of coaching with the demands of an investigation that could cost her everything.
Winning the game might save the season, but uncovering the truth could save lives.

With 17 years of firsthand coaching experience and proven techniques, I have helped many young athletes. I bring authenticity, insight, and a passion for mentoring to this screenplay.

Sincerely,

Michael Collado
ColladoM22@gmail.com
218 Lady Lane
Michigan City, IN.
46360
773.415.2237

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Synopsis Hooks

You have just been suspended from a police department misogynistic environment, and you enter another by coaching your goddaughter's baseball team stacked with brainiacs?
As a two-time NCAA softball champ, you realize conventional baseball teaching methods will not work, so you enlist the help of a self-proclaimed physics professor from the local tavern to help transform your genius players into baseball prodigies through math, science, and physics.

Things are going well until you uncover the scheme of one of the league’s corporate sponsors to use the other kids as guinea pigs for their groundbreaking nanotechnology experiment. Now, she must lead her team to victory and expose the sinister plot before it’s too late.

Think: Bad News Bears meets Minority Report.

Like The Bad News Bears, this story has a ragtag baseball team overcoming odds, and Minority Report introduces the high-stakes element of uncovering a hidden technology conspiracy.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

I learned from this lesson to give the High Concept with the biggies hooks and then whittle it down for an elevator pitch.

Smart Ball Concept = A suspended female detective known for her unconventional methods transforms a ragtag group of brainiac misfits into baseball prodigies using science, math, and physics expertise from a self-proclaimed physics professor from the local tavern. As the team starts to defy all odds on the field, she stumbles upon a dark secret—one of the Little League’s major sponsors is covertly using the other kids as guinea pigs for a groundbreaking nanotechnology experiment. Now, she must lead her team to victory and expose the sinister plot before it’s too late.

Elevator pitch – I am polishing up a script about a rogue detective turning a team of brainiac misfits into baseball prodigies with their language of math and physics.

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is lesson is how to pick out the most interesting things in the script to use in my pitches.

• A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
• B. Major hook of your opening scene? The first scene shows Jocinda as a compassionate go-getter, as she chooses to save a woman in an alley instead of capturing the serial burglar every detective dreams about.
• C. Any turning points? When Jocinda learns her goddaughter’s baseball team is loaded with brainiacs and her original plan to teach them baseball with her experience and knowledge does not work, she relies on the knowledge of a self-proclaimed physics professor and a regular at the Local Tavern to help teach the kids baseball through science and physics. Midway through the season, she investigates one of the Little League’s corporate sponsors because she suspects they are using some of the kids to test with their new nanotechnology program.
• D. Emotional dilemma? There are some love interests among the kids, and even Jocinda, an autistic kid, is helped by the comradery of the team and the compassion of Coach Jocinda. One of the kid’s dads on the team is pulled out of a deep, depressed state because of the team.
• E. Major twists?
• F. Reversals?
• G. Character betrayals? The biggest betrayal is when we find out the man helping the kids learn baseball is behind the nanotechnology program.
• H. Or any big surprises? One of the surprises is that the first people we realize the lab uses in the program are chimpanzees, and at the end, the physics professor is the brains behind the program.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Meets Producer/Manager

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer? The introduction to a producer would deal with the high screenplay concept coupled with the worldwide appeal to the main topic and the connection the actors would have with the characters and storyline.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager? Hopefully, a recommend or a consider would be in the query letter for the script in question. Then, when asked, I could mention the other scripts I have received a consideration on.

3. What I learned in this lesson is that when talking to an individual about my work, I should know what aspect of the project the individual would be interested in and lead him down that path

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Marketable Components

Logline: Suspended from a misogynistic workplace, a female detective enters the same type of environment when she coaches her goddaughter’s baseball team of brainiac misfits. She turns them into baseball geniuses through science, math, and physics. Then, she uncovers that one of the Little League’s corporate sponsors uses the other kids as lab rats to test their secret nanotechnology breakthrough.

• A. Unique. Using math, science, and physics to teach baseball to a bunch of brainiacs how to play baseball. Coaches will love and use some of the coaching techniques shown in this script. Coaches will use some of the techniques from this movie in real life.
• B. Great Title. Smart Ball, Baseball Geniuses, Little League Prodigies, Curveball Calculations, Pitch Perfect Prodigies, Field of Schemes
• C. Timely. Everyone watches the Little League World Series, which includes nations from all over the world.
• D. Ultimate. Using Kids as Guinea Pigs for an Experimental Breakthrough in Nanotechnology
• E. Wide audience appeal. It is heartwarming, with cute love interests, emotional, and appealing to kids and young adults.
Baseball is a rich tradition that’s as much about community as it is about the game itself.
• F. Similarity to a box-office success. Bad News Bears, Little Giants, Mighty Ducks, and the most recent Champions.
• G. A great role for a bankable actor.
o Jocinda/Coach Jo – Gung Ho don’t need anyone's help detective/wounded from college World Series/resourceful
o Mr. Black – Business Moguel/hard nose/
o The Team – caring/individuals/learning to think outside the box (Teach me the rules and strategies before you give me the problem to solve.)

This is a great role for a woman because of the misogynistic incident at the police station and the same type of environment in the Little League structure.

This a great role for kids to go from brainiacs cast out to one team and then conquer the league because they are brainiacs.

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Project and Market

My story is attractive because it offers a new twist on an old concept, similar to Bad News Bears, Little Giants, Mighty Ducks, and the most recent Champions. Not only is the twist in teaching the game to brainiacs unique, but the sinister plot of using the kids as guinea pigs in a Nanotechnology experiment is also attractive.

I am not sure what an actor's production company is, but if it is a production company with actors attached, I think I would first go this route first to try and attach the actors. I think this would work well in the movie.

If that is not the case, I would choose producers, considering what type of movies they have done, such as sports and children's ensembles. This would go a long way toward being on the pitch list.

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s elevating dialogue!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me to meticulously review the script and elevate the dialogue wherever possible. I'm unsure if I did a good job; I guess I will find out during the feedback.

By the way, I am ready for feedback now. If anyone is interested in exchanging scripts or giving me feedback now for future feedback when you are ready, contact me at ColladoM22@gmail.com.

Thanks

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Amazing Monologues

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to use a monologue to emphasize the protagonist's passion for her police work.

The monologue inadvertently highlights her wound, which makes the scene even stronger.
But we do not find out it is her wound and why it is until four scenes later.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Subtext Pointers

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to use subtext to point to something in the future that they will see and say, "Oh, that’s why."

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Subtext Dialogue Part 1

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to create subtext to give dialogue a more profound meaning or to cover up something.

In one scene earlier, Jocinda mentions she is taking a trip out west in an RV. (But we know she is not)
Two senses later, she confessed that she was suspended.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Anticipatory Dialogue

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to take a scene and add anticipatory dialogue to point to the future. Many of my scenes end with this type of dialogue or description.
Look at the questions left after the end of this scene.

MR. BLACK
Who's brain are we looking at?

CHARLIE
Willie's. (Who is Willie? Willie turns out to be a Chimpanzee!)

MR. BLACK
Very good. How are we going to introduce them to the host?

CHARLIE
You are going to love this.

Charlie ushers him over to another part of the lab. (This is the end of the scene, so what is the delivery system, and why will he love it?)
(Later, we find out that a vitamin is the delivery system, and Mr. Black owns a vitamin company.)

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Engaging Banter

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to take a scene and add banter to help follow a character’s profile. I hate to use the last scene, but it is a good one for this purpose. I think.

INT. DETECTIVE'S BULLPEN – DAY

Jocinda is at her evidence board for a serial burglar every precinct is trying to catch. She removes its contents and puts them in a box.

CAPTAIN JAMISON moves in behind her and watches for a moment.

CAPTAIN JAMISON
Ames, what were you thinking?
(a beat)
Unauthorized stakeout!
Unauthorized overtime!
You might be a good detective someday. Just not today!
You are on a ninety-day suspension.
Effective immediately!

Jocinda never turns around. She drops her head and drops more evidence board into the box. The last piece at the top of the board is an outline of a blank head with a robber's mask and a question mark.

She stops at her desk to place a few items into the box.

DETECTIVE BROWN
We could have had this guy if you would have just asked for help.

Jocinda keeps placing stuff into the box.

DETECTIVE WHITE enters the bullpen.

DETECTIVE WHITE
Wow, the Lone Wolf hero,
that's going to save the city.
Have a nice vacation.

Jocinda finishes packing her things and heads for the door.

DETECTIVE RYAN
Send us a postcard.

Jocinda stops at the door and turns back to the bullpen.
Everyone is waiting for some words of wisdom.

JOCINDA
Ya know. If it were a MAN that saved that woman in the alley. You would be getting an accommodation!

Jocinda spins on her heels and exits the room.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Dialogue Structures
My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

At the end of the scene, we learn that Jocinda gave up being the detective hero and catching the burglar the whole city was after to save a woman.

INT. DETECTIVE'S BULLPEN – DAY

Jocinda is at her evidence board for a serial burglar every precinct is trying to catch. She removes its contents and puts them in a box.

CAPTAIN JAMISON moves in behind her and watches for a moment.

CAPTAIN JAMISON
Ames, what were you thinking?
(a beat)
Unauthorized stakeout!
Unauthorized overtime!
You might be a good detective someday. Just not today!
You are on a ninety-day suspension.
Effective immediately!

Jocinda never turns around. She drops her head and drops more evidence board into the box. The last piece at the top of the board is an outline of a blank head with a robber's mask and a question mark.

She stops at her desk to place a few items into the box.

DETECTIVE BROWN
We could have had this guy if you would have just asked for help.

Jocinda keeps placing stuff into the box.

DETECTIVE WHITE enters the bullpen.

DETECTIVE WHITE
Wow, the Lone Wolf hero,
that's going to save the city.
Have a nice vacation.

Jocinda finishes packing her things and heads for the door.

DETECTIVE RYAN
Send us a postcard.

Jocinda stops at the door and turns back to the bullpen.
Everyone is waiting for some words of wisdom.

JOCINDA
Ya know. If it were a MAN that saved that woman in the alley. You would be getting an accommodation!

Jocinda spins on her heels and exits the room.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Elevated Dialogue

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to look at dialogue from a different perspective. I took a couple of scenes and intensified the dialogue to elevate it.
This is one of my favorites.

He catches Tyrod’s stare.

MATEO
What! What do you want from me? HUH?
I am doing the best I can.

A tear runs down TyRod’s cheek.
He looks at the CD.
Walks over to the couch.

TYROD
I want you to be with me.

TyRod tosses the CD onto the couch.
It lands on top of a picture of his mom and brother.

TYROD
Not with them!

His dad picks up the Cd.
Starts to read the note.
Covers his face with it.
TyRod heads for the door.

TYROD
I want to be your Buddy Boy again.

Tyler’s dad, Mateo, begins to cry.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Elevated Interest

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to take a scene and add an element or two to elevate the interest and possibly point to a reveal.

In one scene, I took a sound from another scene, intensified it, and then hid its meaning not only in that scene but also in another scene later. The reveal was so good that one of the characters forgot what he went there to complain about.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Elevated Emotion!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to look for and elevate emotions in my scenes.

This is the final impact on my characters in one of the scenes I changed.

Kofi moves around the table to his seat.
When he gets behind Jocinda, he mouths,
I knew It! , to Latisha.

Ada could not contain her excitement any longer.
She bursts from her chair and hugs her Aunt Jo.

Latisha shrugs her shoulders.
Kofi viciously stabs and cuts his meat.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Dramatic Reveals!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how to point to my reveals and dramatically reveal them.

I changed 5 of my reveals and how they were revealed.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Loves Character Depth!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to add more depth to my characters.

Jocinda
Changed the scene where Jocinda’s Captain gives her help to stop Mr. Black with his experiments to his denying help
because of the lack of evidence.
This allows me to show Jocinda going back to her old ways.
This also allows me to show Jocinda’s wound.

Mr. Black
Bringing in a new Chimpanzee to simulate Sandy Kofax gives me a new character to elevate a dull scene with mystery sounds to be revealed later. This also gives me a way to help Jocinda escape being shot.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Script Exchange 1

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

I have finished the second draft of the script Smart Ball. The concept is that a suspended female detective takes on coaching a baseball team with all brainiacs; she uses their language, math, science, physics, and a few tricks from college to turn them into a team of Baseball Geniuses. Then she uncovered a plot to use the little leaguers as lab rats to test a new nanobot information brain enhancement to elevate their baseball playing ability to a hall-of-fame level.
I would love to get some feedback on the script and will reciprocate by doing the same. If you would like to give me feedback but your script is not ready, I can wait until it is ready and then provide you with feedback at that time. Please email me if you are interested: ColladoM22@gmail.com.

Thank you.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Solved Scene Problems!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From his lesson, I learned to look for specific things within the scenes. They all had basic scene design. I think I fixed two exposition scenes and one scene that only accomplished one purpose, which I fixed with a reveal for future use. The rest of the scenes pointed to the concept and moved the story forward. I do have one more scene to insert, but I am not sure where to put it.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike is Cliché Busting!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I have learned from this lesson is to watch out for scenes similar to those of other movies I liked.

I keep a log of sayings I like, and for one, I found in the script that I have been racking my brain to change but not lose the essence of the saying.
And I think I found it; the saying is” You screwed the pooch on that one.” And I replaced it with, “That wasn’t too stinking bright”
I have been waiting to use a saying from the East Wing for like ever: “You don’t just fight the fights you can win—you fight the fight that needs to be fought”! I replaced it with “you don’t just coach the kids that you can win with—you coach the kids that need coaching”! I am not sure if this is the right thing to do. What say you?

So, after the Zoom meeting last night, I went backward through the scenes in the second draft looking for cliches so I would not look forward to the next scene. I did the search backward. I did find one that is a scene from Jurassic Park, but I thought I changed it enough to leave it be. Hopefully, during the second draft swap, those giving feedback will pick up on some more cliches for me.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Solved Character Problems!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This is where I usually enter my characters' physical descriptions. Now that I have been with them for a while, the physical descriptions of the characters I built in Module 3 will match how I envision them now.Mike Solved Character Problems!
My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.
This is where I usually enter my characters’ physical descriptions. Now that I have been with them for a while, the physical descriptions of the characters I built in Module 3 will match how I envision them now.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned to check the outline against the first draft to ensure that every scene points in the pitch's direction to move the story forward. I then reread the script, making sure everything was in place. During the read, I left notes to enhance the storyline. Then, I read the script with the outline open right next to the script. Here, I was able to add reveals to help make the problems and relationships more believable.

For example, I added more tidbits of evidence to give the protagonist a reason to open an investigation. I also added hints of likeability to two small love interests for a tiny sideline plot. I also added a longer and more intense scene with the protagonist escaping from the antagonist's lair instead of an easy escape with the police rescuing her. I am thrilled that the script is topping off at 75 pages right now, so there is room to move and grow. At this point, typically, I look to cut pages and shorten scenes.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Has Finished Act 4!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This was a hard-fought battle, but someone had to win. That is what it feels like to finish!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Continues Act 4

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I learned is that expanding and rationalizing it was wrong. It took me away from my outline, not far away, but last night, I lay in bed trying to think of a way to get back on track from the expansion from two lessons ago. Then I remembered just to write the scenes in your outline. I thought it out that way and was asleep in minutes.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Started Act 4

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

Things are going well. I don’t think I have ever finished a first draft this fast and with so many directions to expand the character arcs and the plot. Look at the finish line right now!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Finishing Act 3

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

Upon reading the tip in this lesson, I found myself not doing what it mentions (editing and wordsmithing), but I expanded some of the scenes. I feel this is okay because I got away from writing pages, like finishing 4 to 5 pages in two days. I have moved to writing scenes. If you think about it, I had 48 scenes in my outline; if I wrote 2 scenes daily, I would be finished in 24 days.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Continuing Act 3

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

I learned from this lesson to keep telling myself to stay the course and finish Act 3 without veering off course.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Began Act 3

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

I learned from this lesson to stay true to your outline and not veer away to appease anyone, especially yourself, even though I am probably the biggest offender of this statement.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Completed Act 2

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

Well, I did it again, looked at the outline to review it, and I am two scenes into Act Three. I have never written faster.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike Began Act 2

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I learned from this lesson is that racing against the timer is a cool way to speed up the process. I beat the timer on the first try, and I was thirteen minutes over the next time and seventeen minutes over the time after that, but the scenes were longer than the ten-minute one.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike is Continuing Act 2

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I learned from this lesson is that it is becoming easier to stop using the thesaurus, but it is impossible not to use the spell check.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Finished Act 1

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

Okay, so I went back to expanding the outline and realized I was one scene into the second Act. So, TaDa! I'm finished! It's funny how not thinking, just writing, clears the road to a finished Act 1.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Act 1 Scenes

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson proves that it takes longer to do 6-10 pages, but I guess this is what you want us to learn. I am getting used to leaving placeholders with an idea, but the little squiggly line under the misspelled words still has to go.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike's Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson proves that picking up and starting a new routine is very hard. I am still having trouble not going off the outline script because of thoughts I want to put down so as not to lose them. I am a henpecker. Even though I am improving, I cannot leave the misspelled words.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike's High Speed Writing Rules

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson Showed me that you don’t have to have all the answers while writing the scene, but it is still hard to leave that hole in the scene.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike's First Scene

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This lesson taught me how hard it is not to go off on a tangent to expand the scene for better explanation and insight.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Hi everyone, I am looking to exchange outlines for feedback 2.

Title: Smart Ball

Written By: Michael Collado

Email address: ColladoM22@gmail.com

Genre: Dramedy

Concept: A suspended female junior detective coaches a team of brainiac misfits on how to play baseball with science, math, and physics. Then she uncovers that one of the Little League’s corporate sponsors is using the kids as lab rats to test their secret nanotechnology breakthrough.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Hi everyone, I would like to exchange outlines for feedback.

Title: Smart Ball

Written By: Michael Collado

Email address: ColladoM22@gmail.com
Genre: Dramedy

Concept: A suspended female junior detective coaches a team of brainiac misfits on how to play baseball with science, math, and physics. Then she uncovers that one of the Little League’s corporate sponsors is using the kids as lab rats to test their secret nanotechnology breakthrough.

Outline:
Scene 1
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jocinda saves a woman from a domestic beating during an unauthorized stakeout but lets a burglar escape.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda sits in her car, staking out a suspect’s house, when she hears a scream from a nearby alley.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Jocinda intervenes in the domestic dispute, saving the woman, but feels the weight of her decision as she watches the burglar escape in the distance.
Ending: (External Dilemma): Jocinda debates whether to pursue the fleeing burglar or stay and ensure the woman’s safety, ultimately choosing compassion over her gut instinct.

Scene 2
INT. DETECTIVE BULLPEN – DAY
Jocinda gets reprimanded by her Captain and exits the bullpen amidst snide remarks.
Beginning: (Mislead/Reveal): Jocinda disassembles her murder board, thinking she might get some recognition for her actions, only to be reprimanded.
Middle: (Betrayal): The Captain harshly criticizes her decision, and colleagues toss snide remarks her way, revealing underlying sexism.
Ending: (Major Twist):Jocinda’s defiant exit includes a bold statement about sexism, leaving the room in stunned silence.

Scene 3
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Detective Sibowits offers Jocinda advice on navigating the system.
Beginning: (Superior Position): Jocinda storms down the hallway, visibly upset, unaware that Sibowits is watching her.
Middle: (Mentor Moment): Sibowits stops her and offers the advice, “You have to know how to play the game before you can change the rules,” challenging her approach.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda contemplates Sibowits’ words, torn between following her gut and adapting to the system.

Scene 4
EXT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Jocinda has a tender moment with her goddaughter, Ava, while Kofi watches disapprovingly.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting): Jocinda arrives at the Washington home, finds Ava struggling with chores in the yard, and learns her baseball team needs a coach.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Jocinda teaches Ava an easier way to do things, helping her finish quickly, but she feels Kofi’s disapproving gaze from the window.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically): Kofi confronts Jocinda, revealing his disdain for her methods, and Jocinda realizes she has more to prove.

Scene 5
INT. LITTLE LEAGUE BOARDROOM – DAY
Jocinda battles the board for the right to coach, leveraging her college baseball experience.
Beginning: (Suspense): Jocinda enters the boardroom, facing a group of skeptical board members.
Middle: (Conflict): She counters each sexist objection with sharp retorts, tension building as she cites her college baseball experience.
Ending: (Major Twist): The board reluctantly agrees to let her coach, but with a warning tone that sets the stage for future conflicts.

Scene 6
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Jocinda announces she will be coaching Ava’s team because of the extra time on her hands, revealing her suspension, and faces Kofi’s skepticism.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda excitedly tells her Sister, Latisha, her husband, Kofi, about taking on coaching Ava’s team..
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Kofi mutters under his breath about Jocinda’s suspension, creating tension.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda feels a mix of pride and shame, knowing she must prove herself to her family.

Scene 7
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Coach Jo discovers the team is composed of brainiacs who struggle with baseball basics.
Beginning: (Mystery): in the dugout, Jocinda scans the roster and is amazed at how unathletic the team members are.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): During the first practice, the kids’ awkward attempts at basic skills create an uncomfortable scene.
Ending: (Suspense) Jocinda wonders how she is ever going to teach these kids the fundamentals of baseball.

Scene 8
INT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Ava introduces the team from the dugout and explains their nicknames, showcasing their resilience.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting): Ava steps into the dugout, where Coach Jo waits.
Middle: (Intrigue): Ava explains they are all brainiacs, which explains a lot. She also explains they all have nicknames, each with a story of resilience and coping with negativity.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Jocinda attempts to grasp the nicknames’ concept but comically misses their deeper significance.

Scene 9
INT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
TyRod’s tragic past and Stanley’s autism are introduced, adding depth to their characters.
Beginning: (Suspense): Jocinda learns about TyRod’s family tragedy of losing his mother and brother in an accident.
Middle: (Intrigue): Ava introduces Stanley’s unique way of coping through statistics, highlighting his autism.
Ending: (Uncertainty): Jocinda feels the weight of their stories, wondering how to handle their unique needs.

Scene 10
NT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Coach Jo again humorously misinterprets the kids’ nicknames, showcasing her learning curve.
Beginning: (Humor): Jocinda guesses the origins of the nicknames, getting them hilariously wrong.
Middle: (Surprise): Ava corrects her, explaining the real, often touching stories behind each nickname.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically): Jocinda realizes she has much to learn about these kids, prompting a change in her approach.

Scene 11
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The team struggles with fundamentals, and Coach Jo’s CD plan meets skepticism.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment): The kids awkwardly practice basic skills, highlighting their lack of athleticism.
Middle: (Misinterpretation): Jocinda’s plan to have them watch a CD on hold to coach baseball with their parents is met with confusion and skepticism.
Ending: (Suspense): Jocinda senses her method isn’t working, leaving her searching for a new strategy.

Scene 12
INT. THE LOCAL TAVERN – AFTERNOON
Jocinda meets the eccentric Doc Cos, who offers an unconventional approach to coaching.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda sits at the bar, reviewing her notes, when Doc Cosmo Von Skin Phd peeks over her shoulder.
Middle: (Mystery): Doc Cos recites a poetic description of baseball from a physicist’s perspective, piquing Jocinda’s interest.
Ending: (Surprise): Jocinda realizes Doc Cos’s unorthodox methods might be exactly what she needs, sparking a new plan.

Scene 13
EXT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Black observes nanobots connecting with neurons, hinting at a larger plot.
Beginning: (Intrigue): The scene opens with a close-up of nanobots through a microscope.
Middle: (Mystery): Mr. Black explains the technology’s potential, hinting at its experimental use.
Ending: (Suspense): The true purpose of the nanobots remains unclear, leaving us wondering about their impact.

Scene 14
INT. VITA SOLUTIONS VITAMIN COMPANY – DAY
Mr. Jones reveals Jocinda’s detective status to Mr. Black, who remains unconcerned.
Beginning: (Suspense): Mr. Jones nervously approaches Mr. Black, who is playing catch with a chimpanzee.
Middle: (Surprise): Mr. Jones reveals Jocinda’s detective background, but Mr. Black is unfazed.
Ending: (Uncertainty): Mr. Black’s calm reaction leaves Mr. Jones and the audience wondering about his true intentions.

Scene 15
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo’s CD plan fails, but she wins the kids over with a chess analogy for baseball.
Beginning: (Humor): Jocinda’s CD plan backfires as parents and kids express confusion and disinterest.
Middle: (Intrigue): Jocinda pivots, comparing baseball strategy to chess, capturing the kids’ attention.
Ending: (Hope/Fear): The kids are intrigued by the new approach to learning baseball’s rules and strategies first, but Jocinda fears it might not be enough to make them successful players.

Act 2
Scene 16
INT. AVA’S BEDROOM – EVENING
Ava is a little worried about TyRod, but a FaceTime call puts her at ease. During the call, we see a clean bedroom with TyRod folding clothes from the laundry.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ava’s FaceTime call to TyRod reveals him in a meticulously clean room, folding laundry.
Middle:(Uncomfortable Moment) Ava’s subtle probing about TyRod’s well-being leads to a tense moment where TyRod’s responses seem rehearsed and overly calm.
Ending: (Superior Position) As the call ends, Ava notices TyRod’s eyes briefly flick to the bedroom door, hinting at underlying tension.

Scene 17
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo, with Doc Cos’ help, doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Coach Jo sets up an unconventional batting practice with a whiteboard outside the cage at the batting cages. She challenges them to come up with an algorithm to time the bat’s swing to meet the ball as it is pitched to them.
Middle: (Intrigue) The kids begin to understand the scientific principles behind batting, but they need the speed of the pitched ball to figure out the bat’s speed to hit it. When a police car shows up to lend Coach Jo a radar gun.
Ending: (Major Twist) Coach Jo is amazed as the kids figure it all out and showcase their newfound skills.

Scene 18
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation.
Beginning:(Intrigue) Coach Jo gathers the pitchers and starts explaining the science behind different pitches.
Middle: (Mystery) The kids experiment with different spins, resulting in unpredictable and exciting outcomes.
Ending: (Surprise) The pitchers successfully throw complex pitches like curves and screwballs, to their delight and Coach Jo’s surprise.

Scene 19
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Black and Mr. Jones meet again in the laboratory, where we see a pill-making machine being installed.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black and Mr. Jones enter the lab as technicians install a mysterious machine.
Middle: (Superior Position) The camera pans to reveal boxes labeled Vita Solutions, hinting at a sinister connection.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with the machine starting up, foreshadowing the impending danger.

Scene 20
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – MORNIN
Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black, along with a list of boys to take this new version.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones arrives at the lab, and Mr. Black hands him a box of vitamins with a list of names.
Middle:(Suspense) Mr. Jones questions the safety of the vitamins, but Mr. Black assures him everything is fine.
Ending: (Major Twist) The scene ends with Mr. Jones reluctantly taking the vitamins, his doubts evident.

Scene 21
EXT. AVA’S FRONT PORCH – DAY
Ava calls TyRod again because she is worried. This time, the audience will see the stark contrast between TyRod’s clean bedroom and the messy living room.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ava calls TyRod again, and after talking with her, he steps out of his immaculate room into a chaotic living room.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) TyRod’s father confronts him harshly, revealing his deteriorating state.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) TyRod’s emotional plea to his father to be more with him and not with them ends with him tossing Coach Jo’s CD onto the couch, which lands next to a picture of his mother and brother.

Scene 22
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
All the Twins’ baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown.
Beginning: (Intrigue) The team executes advanced plays on the field, impressing Coach Jo.
Middle:(Suspense) The kids discuss their newfound confidence and strategies during a break.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with a pivotal play that showcases their significant improvement, hinting at future success. ( put the challenging Baseball scenario here for the team to figure out)

Scene 23
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Mr. Black is in the stands watching a different game, applauding sinisterly as a boy on vitamins makes a spectacular catch.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black arrives at the game, his presence creating tension.
Middle: (Intrigue) He watches intently as one of the boys on the new vitamins performs exceptionally.
Ending: (Major Twist) Mr. Black’s sinister applause as he grins, signaling his approval of the experiment’s progress.

Scene 24
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Jocinda sees the same catch and notices Mr. Black’s reaction, raising her suspicions.
Beginning: (Suspense) Coach Jo watches the game and notices a remarkable play by a boy on vitamins.
Middle: (Intrigue) She observes Mr. Black’s enthusiastic reaction, raising her suspicions.
Ending: (
Cliffhanger) Coach Jo decides to investigate further, sensing something is amiss.

Scene 25
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Mr. Jones gets Mr. Black’s attention and points out Coach Jo’s notetaking.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones nods to Mr. Black, subtly pointing out Coach Jo.
Middle: (Suspense) Mr. Black’s curiosity is piqued by Coach Jo’s detailed observations.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Black nods to Mr. Jones, indicating they need to keep an eye on her.

Scene 26
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – NIGHT
With a murder board on the wall, Coach Jo is trying to piece together the mystery involving Mr. Black.
Beginning: (Suspense) Coach Jo reviews her notes and evidence in her RV, determined to solve the mystery.
Middle: (Intrigue) She focuses on two boys whose performance mirrors legendary players, raising more questions.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo decides to investigate Mr. Black’s background, sensing a major breakthrough.

Scene 27
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
After practice, Coach Jo asks the kids if they noticed anything odd about the other players.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Coach Jo gathers the kids and asks about unusual behaviors in other players.
Middle: (Mystery) Smitty and Drip provide crucial observations about their opponents’ subtle cues.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Coach Jo is intrigued by their insights and senses she is close to a breakthrough.

Scene 28
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Drip’s statement leads to comical banter and his admission of liking Izzy.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The kids tease Drip about his observation, leading to banter.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Drip tries to deflect but eventually admits he likes Izzy.
Ending: (Surprise) Izzy’s reaction is ambiguous, leaving Drip and the others curious.

Scene 29
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – AFTERNOON
Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black, who is concerned about the side effects of the vitamins.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Jones confronts Mr. Black about the side effects he has noticed.
Middle: (Intrigue) Mr. Black downplays the concerns, showing off the new vitamins.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Jones leaves, torn between his moral concerns and his loyalty to Mr. Black.

Scene 30
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – AFTERNOON
Mr. Black brings out a new chimp named Sandy, demonstrating her impressive abilities.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Black introduces Sandy, a new chimp, to Mr. Jones.
Middle: (Surprise) Sandy displays remarkable skills, impressing Mr. Jones.
Ending: (Major Twist) Mr. Jones, dazzled by the demonstration, momentarily forgets his ethical concerns.

Scene 31
NT. JOCINDA’S RV – NIGHT
Jocinda opens an email about Mr. Black’s menacing background.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda receives an email with crucial information about Mr. Black.
Middle: (Intrigue) She reads about his sinister past, realizing the gravity of the situation.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo decides she needs more evidence before taking action, raising the stakes.

Scene 32
INT. LITTLE LEAGUE BOARDROOM – AFTERNOON
Coach Jo hints at her theory to Mr. Jones, observing his reaction.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Coach Jo subtly confronts Mr. Jones with her suspicions.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mr. Jones’s nervous reaction confirms her theory.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo realizes she is on the right track but needs to act carefully.

Scene 33
INT. STATS’ HOUSE – EVENING
Coach Jo has dinner with Stats and his mom, Debra, gaining crucial insights and realizing a potential love interest.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jo attends a thank you dinner from his mom, Debra, at Stats’ house.
Middle: (Intrigue) Stats provides key information with a few spoken words, a huge show of affection towards her, about the pinky twitch and wink, leading to a breakthrough.
Ending: (Uncertainty) After talking with Debra about the sexism in the world, Jo senses a possible romantic connection with Stats’ mom, adding a personal conflict. Before she leaves, she asks Stats for a favor.

Act 3
Scene 34
INT. WASHINGTON YARD – DAY
Coach Jo goes to her sister’s house, and Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos. When she confesses that he has been giving her tips on how to coach the team, Kofi is confused but happy she is asking for help. He then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Kofi questions Jocinda about her connection with Doc Cos.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Jocinda admits she’s been receiving coaching tips from Doc Cos, surprising Kofi with her openness.
Ending: (Superior Position) Kofi expresses pride, highlighting Jocinda’s personal growth in seeking help.

Scene 35
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a technological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap to transmit information. The nanobots are programmed with great athletes’ movement and instincts that will interface with the neural network, accessing the muscle memory and instinctual responses. Once connected, the nanobots act as conduits, relaying the athlete’s expertise directly to the host’s motor neurons. This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking insurmountable barriers. She also learns that Mr. Black’s company makes the kids’ vitamins.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda lays out what she knows about the vitamins and the kids.
Middle: (Mystery) Latisha fills in the blanks, explaining the full extent of Mr. Black’s plan with the nanobots.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jocinda realizes the ethical and moral divide between her and Mr. Black, unsure how to proceed.

Scene 36
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – EVENING**
Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Black contacts an old, dangerous friend.
Middle: (Betrayal) It becomes clear that Mr. Black’s old friend is a hitman hired to deal with Coach Jo.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The audience realizes Mr. Black has ordered Coach Jo’s abduction.

Scene 37
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – DAY
Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Jocinda struggles with whether to ask for help or go it alone.
Middle:(Character Changes Radically) She swallows her pride and calls Det. Sibowits explains her theory.
Ending: (Suspense) Det. Sibowits agrees to help and promises to test the vitamins.

Scene 38
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Jones tells Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program. Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones reports Coach Jo’s discoveries to Mr. Black.
Middle: (Betrayal) Mr. Black nonchalantly indicates he has already taken steps to handle Coach Jo.
Ending: (Suspense) Mr. Jones realizes the depths of Mr. Black’s resolve, questioning his own involvement.

Scene 39
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
The vitamin analysis comes back. The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Beginning: (Suspense) Latisha answers the call from Det. Sibowits, expecting good news.
Middle: (Major Twist) Det. Sibowits informs Latisha the vitamins are clean, devastating their case.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Latisha fears they’ve been outsmarted by Mr. Black.

Scene 40
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – DAY
Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.
Beginning: (Suspense) Latisha searches Jocinda’s RV for her.
Middle: (Mystery) She studies the murder board, piecing together Jocinda’s clues.
Ending: (Intrigue) A critical insight dawns on Latisha, hinting at a breakthrough.

Scene 41
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo is late for the first game of the championship series, and everyone starts to worry. Doc Cos enters the dugout to help, and one of the other coaches supplies them with equipment. Stats gives Ava one of his notebooks, which Ava interprets as tips about Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Ty Cobb, and a few other past greats’ weaknesses at the plate and in the field, and which tell coincides with which player, which she passes on to her pitchers. This information neutralizes their talent at the plate, and the Twins have a stunning win in the series’ first game.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Doc Cos introduces himself and barks orders to the team on how to manage themselves until Coach Jo shows up. Ava explains the insight the notes have on the other team.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) The team uses the tips during the game, initially struggling to implement them.
Ending: (Surprise) The Twins win, showcasing their brains over brawn.

Scene 42
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – NIGHT
Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda wakes up disoriented and tied up.
Middle: (Mystery) She sees Sandy and Willie behaving oddly, intensifying her confusion.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Black enters, revealing his presence and intentions.

Scene 43
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak. Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Jocinda asserts the vitamins are being tested by the police.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Mr. Black laughs, revealing they are testing placebos.
Ending: (Major Twist) Jocinda’s confidence shatters, realizing Mr. Black’s cunning plan.

Scene 44
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black details his plan to dispose of Jocinda.
Middle: (Intrigue) He mocks her for her history of not asking for help, deepening the wound.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jocinda must think quickly to outmaneuver Mr. Black.

Scene 45
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were laced in them and notified Det. Sibowits, who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.
Beginning: (Surprise) Det. Sibowits and the unit storm the lab.
Middle: (Major Twist) Latisha’s independent test revealed the truth, catalyzing the rescue.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Mr. Jones’ change of heart and the new evidence put Mr. Black’s fate in balance.

Scene 46
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The championship game unfolds with the brainiac team playing against Mr. Jones’ team without Mr. Jones’ coaching or technological aid. They rely solely on their scientifically honed skills.
Beginning: (More interesting setting): The field is bustling with energy, with fans cheering and a tense atmosphere. The game starts with both teams on edge, showcasing the high stakes.
Middle: (Suspense): The game progresses with intense back-and-forth, each team giving their all. The brainiacs use their scientific strategies to counter Mr. Jones’ team’s traditional athleticism, creating nail-biting moments.
Ending: (Major Twist): Despite a close and intense game, the brainiacs clinch the victory with a brilliantly executed scientific play, which answers Coach Jo’s last problem-solving play scenario. The crowd erupts in cheers, and TyRod’s father, visibly cleaned up, stands and applauds his son proudly.

Scene 47
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
The team celebrates their hard-fought victory, and Jocinda reflects on her journey, seeing her place as a coach and mentor firmly established.
Beginning: (Intrigue): The team gathers in the dugout, basking in their triumph. Jocinda watches them, a mixture of pride and contentment in her eyes.
Middle: (Character changes radically): The parents and community members join the celebration. TyRod’s father, now cleaned up, emotionally reconnects with his son, symbolizing a new beginning for both.
Ending: (Uncertainty):** Jocinda steps back, observing the joy around her. She feels a sense of accomplishment but is also pensive about her future. The scene ends with Jocinda looking hopeful yet contemplative.

Scene 48
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – AFTERNOON
Jocinda dismantles her murder board, symbolizing the resolution of her internal and external conflicts. Det. Sibowits joins her, marking a new chapter in her professional life.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda methodically takes down the murder board, each piece symbolizing a hurdle overcome. Det. Sibowits arrives, offering a silent nod of respect.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda and Det. Sibowits discuss her journey, the struggles she faced, and the growth she achieved. The conversation is heartfelt, showing her transformation.
Ending: (Cliffhanger):** Jocinda places the last piece of the board into a box, signifying closure. She smiles confidently at Det. Sibowits, hinting at new challenges ahead but with a renewed sense of purpose and strength. The scene fades out, leaving the future open yet promising.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Fascinating Scene Outline

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to break a scene down, similar to breaking a screenplay down with structure, and I am getting better with broad strokes.

Scene 1
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jocinda saves a woman from a domestic beating during an unauthorized stakeout but lets a burglar escape.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda sits in her car, staking out a suspect’s house, when she hears a scream from a nearby alley.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Jocinda intervenes in the domestic dispute, saving the woman, but feels the weight of her decision as she watches the burglar escape in the distance.
Ending: (External Dilemma): Jocinda debates whether to pursue the fleeing burglar or stay and ensure the woman’s safety, ultimately choosing compassion over her gut instinct.

Scene 2
INT. DETECTIVE BULLPEN – DAY
Jocinda gets reprimanded by her Captain and exits the bullpen amidst snide remarks.
Beginning: (Mislead/Reveal): Jocinda disassembles her murder board, thinking she might get some recognition for her actions, only to be reprimanded.
Middle: (Betrayal): The Captain harshly criticizes her decision, and colleagues toss snide remarks her way, revealing underlying sexism.
Ending: (Major Twist):Jocinda’s defiant exit includes a bold statement about sexism, leaving the room in stunned silence.

Scene 3
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Detective Sibowits offers Jocinda advice on navigating the system.
Beginning: (Superior Position): Jocinda storms down the hallway, visibly upset, unaware that Sibowits is watching her.
Middle: (Mentor Moment): Sibowits stops her and offers the advice, “You have to know how to play the game before you can change the rules,” challenging her approach.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda contemplates Sibowits’ words, torn between following her gut and adapting to the system.

Scene 4
EXT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Jocinda has a tender moment with her goddaughter, Ava, while Kofi watches disapprovingly.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting): Jocinda arrives at the Washington home, finds Ava struggling with chores in the yard, and learns her baseball team needs a coach.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Jocinda teaches Ava an easier way to do things, helping her finish quickly, but she feels Kofi’s disapproving gaze from the window.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically): Kofi confronts Jocinda, revealing his disdain for her methods, and Jocinda realizes she has more to prove.

Scene 5
INT. LITTLE LEAGUE BOARDROOM – DAY
Jocinda battles the board for the right to coach, leveraging her college baseball experience.
Beginning: (Suspense): Jocinda enters the boardroom, facing a group of skeptical board members.
Middle: (Conflict): She counters each sexist objection with sharp retorts, tension building as she cites her college baseball experience.
Ending: (Major Twist): The board reluctantly agrees to let her coach, but with a warning tone that sets the stage for future conflicts.

Scene 6
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Jocinda announces she will be coaching Ava’s team because of the extra time on her hands, revealing her suspension, and faces Kofi’s skepticism.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda excitedly tells her Sister, Latisha, her husband, Kofi, about taking on coaching Ava’s team..
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Kofi mutters under his breath about Jocinda’s suspension, creating tension.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda feels a mix of pride and shame, knowing she must prove herself to her family.

Scene 7
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Coach Jo discovers the team is composed of brainiacs who struggle with baseball basics.
Beginning: (Mystery): in the dugout, Jocinda scans the roster and is amazed at how unathletic the team members are.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): During the first practice, the kids’ awkward attempts at basic skills create an uncomfortable scene.
Ending: (Suspense) Jocinda wonders how she is ever going to teach these kids the fundamentals of baseball.

Scene 8
INT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Ava introduces the team from the dugout and explains their nicknames, showcasing their resilience.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting): Ava steps into the dugout, where Coach Jo waits.
Middle: (Intrigue): Ava explains they are all brainiacs, which explains a lot. She also explains they all have nicknames, each with a story of resilience and coping with negativity.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Jocinda attempts to grasp the nicknames’ concept but comically misses their deeper significance.

Scene 9
INT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
TyRod’s tragic past and Stanley’s autism are introduced, adding depth to their characters.
Beginning: (Suspense): Jocinda learns about TyRod’s family tragedy of losing his mother and brother in an accident.
Middle: (Intrigue): Ava introduces Stanley’s unique way of coping through statistics, highlighting his autism.
Ending: (Uncertainty): Jocinda feels the weight of their stories, wondering how to handle their unique needs.

Scene 10
NT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
Coach Jo again humorously misinterprets the kids’ nicknames, showcasing her learning curve.
Beginning: (Humor): Jocinda guesses the origins of the nicknames, getting them hilariously wrong.
Middle: (Surprise): Ava corrects her, explaining the real, often touching stories behind each nickname.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically): Jocinda realizes she has much to learn about these kids, prompting a change in her approach.

Scene 11
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The team struggles with fundamentals, and Coach Jo’s CD plan meets skepticism.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment): The kids awkwardly practice basic skills, highlighting their lack of athleticism.
Middle: (Misinterpretation): Jocinda’s plan to have them watch a CD on hold to coach baseball with their parents is met with confusion and skepticism.
Ending: (Suspense): Jocinda senses her method isn’t working, leaving her searching for a new strategy.

Scene 12
INT. THE LOCAL TAVERN – AFTERNOON
Jocinda meets the eccentric Doc Cos, who offers an unconventional approach to coaching.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda sits at the bar, reviewing her notes, when Doc Cosmo Von Skin Phd peeks over her shoulder.
Middle: (Mystery): Doc Cos recites a poetic description of baseball from a physicist’s perspective, piquing Jocinda’s interest.
Ending: (Surprise): Jocinda realizes Doc Cos’s unorthodox methods might be exactly what she needs, sparking a new plan.

Scene 13
EXT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Black observes nanobots connecting with neurons, hinting at a larger plot.
Beginning: (Intrigue): The scene opens with a close-up of nanobots through a microscope.
Middle: (Mystery): Mr. Black explains the technology’s potential, hinting at its experimental use.
Ending: (Suspense): The true purpose of the nanobots remains unclear, leaving us wondering about their impact.

Scene 14
INT. VITA SOLUTIONS VITAMIN COMPANY – DAY
Mr. Jones reveals Jocinda’s detective status to Mr. Black, who remains unconcerned.
Beginning: (Suspense): Mr. Jones nervously approaches Mr. Black, who is playing catch with a chimpanzee.
Middle: (Surprise): Mr. Jones reveals Jocinda’s detective background, but Mr. Black is unfazed.
Ending: (Uncertainty): Mr. Black’s calm reaction leaves Mr. Jones and the audience wondering about his true intentions.

Scene 15
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo’s CD plan fails, but she wins the kids over with a chess analogy for baseball.
Beginning: (Humor): Jocinda’s CD plan backfires as parents and kids express confusion and disinterest.
Middle: (Intrigue): Jocinda pivots, comparing baseball strategy to chess, capturing the kids’ attention.
Ending: (Hope/Fear): The kids are intrigued by the new approach to learning baseball’s rules and strategies first, but Jocinda fears it might not be enough to make them successful players.

Act 2Scene 16
INT. AVA’S BEDROOM – EVENING
Ava is a little worried about TyRod, but a FaceTime call puts her at ease. During the call, we see a clean bedroom with TyRod folding clothes from the laundry.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ava’s FaceTime call to TyRod reveals him in a meticulously clean room, folding laundry.
Middle:(Uncomfortable Moment) Ava’s subtle probing about TyRod’s well-being leads to a tense moment where TyRod’s responses seem rehearsed and overly calm.
Ending: (Superior Position) As the call ends, Ava notices TyRod’s eyes briefly flick to the bedroom door, hinting at underlying tension.

Scene 17
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo, with Doc Cos’ help, doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Coach Jo sets up an unconventional batting practice with a whiteboard outside the cage at the batting cages. She challenges them to come up with an algorithm to time the bat’s swing to meet the ball as it is pitched to them.
Middle: (Intrigue) The kids begin to understand the scientific principles behind batting, but they need the speed of the pitched ball to figure out the bat’s speed to hit it. When a police car shows up to lend Coach Jo a radar gun.
Ending: (Major Twist) Coach Jo is amazed as the kids figure it all out and showcase their newfound skills.

Scene 18
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation.
Beginning:(Intrigue) Coach Jo gathers the pitchers and starts explaining the science behind different pitches.
Middle: (Mystery) The kids experiment with different spins, resulting in unpredictable and exciting outcomes.
Ending: (Surprise) The pitchers successfully throw complex pitches like curves and screwballs, to their delight and Coach Jo’s surprise.

Scene 19
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Black and Mr. Jones meet again in the laboratory, where we see a pill-making machine being installed.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black and Mr. Jones enter the lab as technicians install a mysterious machine.
Middle: (Superior Position) The camera pans to reveal boxes labeled Vita Solutions, hinting at a sinister connection.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with the machine starting up, foreshadowing the impending danger.

Scene 20
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – MORNIN
Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black, along with a list of boys to take this new version.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones arrives at the lab, and Mr. Black hands him a box of vitamins with a list of names.
Middle:(Suspense) Mr. Jones questions the safety of the vitamins, but Mr. Black assures him everything is fine.
Ending: (Major Twist) The scene ends with Mr. Jones reluctantly taking the vitamins, his doubts evident.

Scene 21
EXT. AVA’S FRONT PORCH – DAY
Ava calls TyRod again because she is worried. This time, the audience will see the stark contrast between TyRod’s clean bedroom and the messy living room.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ava calls TyRod again, and after talking with her, he steps out of his immaculate room into a chaotic living room.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) TyRod’s father confronts him harshly, revealing his deteriorating state.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) TyRod’s emotional plea to his father to be more with him and not with them ends with him tossing Coach Jo’s CD onto the couch, which lands next to a picture of his mother and brother.

Scene 22EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
All the Twins’ baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown.
Beginning: (Intrigue) The team executes advanced plays on the field, impressing Coach Jo.
Middle:(Suspense) The kids discuss their newfound confidence and strategies during a break.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with a pivotal play that showcases their significant improvement, hinting at future success. ( put the challenging Baseball scenario here for the team to figure out)

Scene 23
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Mr. Black is in the stands watching a different game, applauding sinisterly as a boy on vitamins makes a spectacular catch.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black arrives at the game, his presence creating tension.
Middle: (Intrigue) He watches intently as one of the boys on the new vitamins performs exceptionally.
Ending: (Major Twist) Mr. Black’s sinister applause as he grins, signaling his approval of the experiment’s progress.

Scene 24
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Jocinda sees the same catch and notices Mr. Black’s reaction, raising her suspicions.
Beginning: (Suspense) Coach Jo watches the game and notices a remarkable play by a boy on vitamins.
Middle: (Intrigue) She observes Mr. Black’s enthusiastic reaction, raising her suspicions.
Ending: (
Cliffhanger) Coach Jo decides to investigate further, sensing something is amiss.

Scene 25
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Mr. Jones gets Mr. Black’s attention and points out Coach Jo’s notetaking.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones nods to Mr. Black, subtly pointing out Coach Jo.
Middle: (Suspense) Mr. Black’s curiosity is piqued by Coach Jo’s detailed observations.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Black nods to Mr. Jones, indicating they need to keep an eye on her.

Scene 26
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – NIGHT
With a murder board on the wall, Coach Jo is trying to piece together the mystery involving Mr. Black.
Beginning: (Suspense) Coach Jo reviews her notes and evidence in her RV, determined to solve the mystery.
Middle: (Intrigue) She focuses on two boys whose performance mirrors legendary players, raising more questions.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo decides to investigate Mr. Black’s background, sensing a major breakthrough.

Scene 27
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
After practice, Coach Jo asks the kids if they noticed anything odd about the other players.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Coach Jo gathers the kids and asks about unusual behaviors in other players.
Middle: (Mystery) Smitty and Drip provide crucial observations about their opponents’ subtle cues.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Coach Jo is intrigued by their insights and senses she is close to a breakthrough.

Scene 28
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Drip’s statement leads to comical banter and his admission of liking Izzy.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The kids tease Drip about his observation, leading to banter.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Drip tries to deflect but eventually admits he likes Izzy.
Ending: (Surprise) Izzy’s reaction is ambiguous, leaving Drip and the others curious.

Scene 29
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – AFTERNOON
Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black, who is concerned about the side effects of the vitamins.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Jones confronts Mr. Black about the side effects he has noticed.
Middle: (Intrigue) Mr. Black downplays the concerns, showing off the new vitamins.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Jones leaves, torn between his moral concerns and his loyalty to Mr. Black.

Scene 30
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – AFTERNOON
Mr. Black brings out a new chimp named Sandy, demonstrating her impressive abilities.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Black introduces Sandy, a new chimp, to Mr. Jones.
Middle: (Surprise) Sandy displays remarkable skills, impressing Mr. Jones.
Ending: (Major Twist) Mr. Jones, dazzled by the demonstration, momentarily forgets his ethical concerns.

Scene 31
NT. JOCINDA’S RV – NIGHT
Jocinda opens an email about Mr. Black’s menacing background.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda receives an email with crucial information about Mr. Black.
Middle: (Intrigue) She reads about his sinister past, realizing the gravity of the situation.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo decides she needs more evidence before taking action, raising the stakes.

Scene 32
INT. LITTLE LEAGUE BOARDROOM – AFTERNOON
Coach Jo hints at her theory to Mr. Jones, observing his reaction.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Coach Jo subtly confronts Mr. Jones with her suspicions.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mr. Jones’s nervous reaction confirms her theory.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jo realizes she is on the right track but needs to act carefully.

Scene 33
INT. STATS’ HOUSE – EVENING
Coach Jo has dinner with Stats and his mom, Debra, gaining crucial insights and realizing a potential love interest.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jo attends a thank you dinner from his mom, Debra, at Stats’ house.
Middle: (Intrigue) Stats provides key information with a few spoken words, a huge show of affection towards her, about the pinky twitch and wink, leading to a breakthrough.
Ending: (Uncertainty) After talking with Debra about the sexism in the world, Jo senses a possible romantic connection with Stats’ mom, adding a personal conflict. Before she leaves, she asks Stats for a favor.

Act 3
Scene 34
INT. WASHINGTON YARD – DAY
Coach Jo goes to her sister’s house, and Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos. When she confesses that he has been giving her tips on how to coach the team, Kofi is confused but happy she is asking for help. He then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Kofi questions Jocinda about her connection with Doc Cos.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Jocinda admits she’s been receiving coaching tips from Doc Cos, surprising Kofi with her openness.
Ending: (Superior Position) Kofi expresses pride, highlighting Jocinda’s personal growth in seeking help.

Scene 35
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a technological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap to transmit information. The nanobots are programmed with great athletes’ movement and instincts that will interface with the neural network, accessing the muscle memory and instinctual responses. Once connected, the nanobots act as conduits, relaying the athlete’s expertise directly to the host’s motor neurons. This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking insurmountable barriers. She also learns that Mr. Black’s company makes the kids’ vitamins.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda lays out what she knows about the vitamins and the kids.
Middle: (Mystery) Latisha fills in the blanks, explaining the full extent of Mr. Black’s plan with the nanobots.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jocinda realizes the ethical and moral divide between her and Mr. Black, unsure how to proceed. Scene 36

INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – EVENING**
Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Black contacts an old, dangerous friend.
Middle: (Betrayal) It becomes clear that Mr. Black’s old friend is a hitman hired to deal with Coach Jo.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The audience realizes Mr. Black has ordered Coach Jo’s abduction.

Scene 37
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – DAY
Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Jocinda struggles with whether to ask for help or go it alone.
Middle:(Character Changes Radically) She swallows her pride and calls Det. Sibowits explains her theory.
Ending: (Suspense) Det. Sibowits agrees to help and promises to test the vitamins.

Scene 38
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Mr. Jones tells Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program. Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mr. Jones reports Coach Jo’s discoveries to Mr. Black.
Middle: (Betrayal) Mr. Black nonchalantly indicates he has already taken steps to handle Coach Jo.
Ending: (Suspense) Mr. Jones realizes the depths of Mr. Black’s resolve, questioning his own involvement.

Scene 39
INT. WASHINGTON HOME – DAY
The vitamin analysis comes back. The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Beginning: (Suspense) Latisha answers the call from Det. Sibowits, expecting good news.
Middle: (Major Twist) Det. Sibowits informs Latisha the vitamins are clean, devastating their case.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Latisha fears they’ve been outsmarted by Mr. Black.

Scene 40
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – DAY
Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.
Beginning: (Suspense) Latisha searches Jocinda’s RV for her.
Middle: (Mystery) She studies the murder board, piecing together Jocinda’s clues.
Ending: (Intrigue) A critical insight dawns on Latisha, hinting at a breakthrough.

Scene 41
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Jo is late for the first game of the championship series, and everyone starts to worry. Doc Cos enters the dugout to help, and one of the other coaches supplies them with equipment. Stats gives Ava one of his notebooks, which Ava interprets as tips about Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Ty Cobb, and a few other past greats’ weaknesses at the plate and in the field, and which tell coincides with which player, which she passes on to her pitchers. This information neutralizes their talent at the plate, and the Twins have a stunning win in the series’ first game.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Doc Cos introduces himself and barks orders to the team on how to manage themselves until Coach Jo shows up. Ava explains the insight the notes have on the other team.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) The team uses the tips during the game, initially struggling to implement them.
Ending: (Surprise) The Twins win, showcasing their brains over brawn.

Scene 42
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – NIGHT
Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jocinda wakes up disoriented and tied up.
Middle: (Mystery) She sees Sandy and Willie behaving oddly, intensifying her confusion.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Mr. Black enters, revealing his presence and intentions.

Scene 43
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak. Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Jocinda asserts the vitamins are being tested by the police.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Mr. Black laughs, revealing they are testing placebos.
Ending: (Major Twist) Jocinda’s confidence shatters, realizing Mr. Black’s cunning plan.

Scene 44
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mr. Black details his plan to dispose of Jocinda.
Middle: (Intrigue) He mocks her for her history of not asking for help, deepening the wound.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Jocinda must think quickly to outmaneuver Mr. Black.

Scene 45
INT. SYNAPSE TECH SYSTEMS LABORATORY – DAY
Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were laced in them and notified Det. Sibowits, who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.
Beginning: (Surprise) Det. Sibowits and the unit storm the lab.
Middle: (Major Twist) Latisha’s independent test revealed the truth, catalyzing the rescue.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Mr. Jones’ change of heart and the new evidence put Mr. Black’s fate in balance.

Scene 46
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
The championship game unfolds with the brainiac team playing against Mr. Jones’ team without Mr. Jones’ coaching or technological aid. They rely solely on their scientifically honed skills.
Beginning: (More interesting setting): The field is bustling with energy, with fans cheering and a tense atmosphere. The game starts with both teams on edge, showcasing the high stakes.
Middle: (Suspense): The game progresses with intense back-and-forth, each team giving their all. The brainiacs use their scientific strategies to counter Mr. Jones’ team’s traditional athleticism, creating nail-biting moments.
Ending: (Major Twist): Despite a close and intense game, the brainiacs clinch the victory with a brilliantly executed scientific play, which answers Coach Jo’s last problem-solving play scenario. The crowd erupts in cheers, and TyRod’s father, visibly cleaned up, stands and applauds his son proudly.

Scene 47
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD DUGOUT – DAY
The team celebrates their hard-fought victory, and Jocinda reflects on her journey, seeing her place as a coach and mentor firmly established.
Beginning: (Intrigue): The team gathers in the dugout, basking in their triumph. Jocinda watches them, a mixture of pride and contentment in her eyes.
Middle: (Character changes radically): The parents and community members join the celebration. TyRod’s father, now cleaned up, emotionally reconnects with his son, symbolizing a new beginning for both.
Ending: (Uncertainty):** Jocinda steps back, observing the joy around her. She feels a sense of accomplishment but is also pensive about her future. The scene ends with Jocinda looking hopeful yet contemplative.

Scene 48
INT. JOCINDA’S RV – AFTERNOON
Jocinda dismantles her murder board, symbolizing the resolution of her internal and external conflicts. Det. Sibowits joins her, marking a new chapter in her professional life.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Jocinda methodically takes down the murder board, each piece symbolizing a hurdle overcome. Det. Sibowits arrives, offering a silent nod of respect.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma): Jocinda and Det. Sibowits discuss her journey, the struggles she faced, and the growth she achieved. The conversation is heartfelt, showing her transformation.
Ending: (Cliffhanger):** Jocinda places the last piece of the board into a box, signifying closure. She smiles confidently at Det. Sibowits, hinting at new challenges ahead but with a renewed sense of purpose and strength. The scene fades out, leaving the future open yet promising.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Intriguing Moments

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to add new intrigue to the emotions already there – again, I also learned that Chat GPT’s response parallels my moments but in broader strokes.

Act 1:

1 Surprise: While on an unauthorized stakeout, Jocinda saves a woman from a domestic beating, but because she left, the burglar gets away. We see Jocinda exiting the detective’s bullpen with snide remarks tossed her way as she carries a box. Her reply to them at the door is, “If it were a man who saved that woman, you would be getting an accommodation for doing it off duty!”
2 Theme stated: Detective Sibowits, her training officer, stops her before she leaves and gives her some advice. “You have to know how to play the game before you can change the rules.”
2 Love/Hidden Weakness: Jocinda has a tender moment with her Goddaughter as she rolls up to the house where Ava is doing her chores. Jocinda’s sister Latisha and her husband Kofi watch from the window, and we find out Kofi is unhappy with this unannounced visit. He hates it when she is there because she always shows Ava shortcuts that bypass hard work. She shows this to be true with a memorization shortcut that gets Ava out of the doghouse with her dad.
4 Moral Issues: Jocinda battles the Little League board and its president, Mr. Jones because they do not want a woman to manage one of their teams. She shoots down every reason they come up with. The one that works in her favor is that she is the only one in the room who played ball in college.
5 Surprise: Jocinda announces that she will be taking over the coaching job for Ava’s team, the Twins, because of the extra time on her hands. Now, the fact that she is on suspension is out in the open, and Kofi, under his breath, mutters, “I knew it!”
6 Surprise: At the first practice, Coach Jo discovered that the team was curiously stacked with eleven-year-old brainiacs.
7 Courage: Ava introduces the team from the dugout to Jocinda, explaining that they all have nicknames. Coach Jo questions the nicknames, and Ava explains that they are nicknames they gave each other so they can ignore the mean ones.
8 Emotional Dilemma: The intro about TyRod reveals that he lost his mother and older brother in an accident. The intro for Stanley “Stats” Dombrowski is that he is an autistic kid that they kind of adopted, and he sits in the bleachers, keeps statistics in a notebook, and waits for his mom to complete her workout.
9 Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo questions some nicknames and gets a humorous answer. On the ones she guesses the reason for, she is totally wrong. For example, Tyler “TyRod” Rodriguez, she thinks it’s like A-Rod, and Ava explains it is because he helped his dad with the family car one day, and when they walked up, he was holding the tie rod for the suspension. When she takes a shot at Jonah “Babel” Martinez, she thinks it is because he talked so much; Ava gives her a strange look and explains it because his family speaks about fifteen languages. When Coach Jo looks at her funny, Ava explains,” You know, like, the Tower of Babel?”
10 Funny Dilemma: While practicing, the brainiacs are very awkward at the fundamentals of baseball. When Coach Jo brings out the CD for them to watch with their parents, the kids question the intent, like, “Wait, what? Watch this with our parents?”
11 Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Cosmo Von Spin PHD, and whether she knows it or not, he shows her, in his own comical and physiological way, how to teach kids with this caliber of intelligence.
12 Superior Position: Earlier in the day, Mr. Black watched Nanobots attach themselves to specific neurons, forming a seamless connection with the host’s motor cortex.
13 Covert Agenda: Mr. Jones secretly goes to Mr. Black, the CEO of the Vitamin company, with concerns that Jocinda is a Detective. Here, we see Mr. Black Playing Catch with a chimpanzee.
14 Hidden weakness: After the first plan involving the CD is a bust because she learns the parents are worse than the kids. Coach Jo takes the first step in healing her wound by using Doc Cos’s help. She passes out a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You cannot win a game if you do not know how to counter the first move in the Queen’s Gambit. The kids are impressed with the analogy.

Act 2 New Plan

15 Secret: Ava is a little worried about TyRod, but a FaceTime call puts her at ease. During the call, we see a clean bedroom with TyRod folding clothes from the laundry.
16 Hidden Weakness: The next step with Doc Cos’ help, Coach Jo doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory. “Visualize the vertex,” she tells them. “That’s where the sweet spot lives.” And they are excited because they understand. They start timing their bat swing to meet the ball. Their objective is to maximize the coefficient of restitution as the bat— or lever—makes contact with the baseball, transforming linear momentum into a parabolic trajectory dictated by the initial velocity vector and the angle of incidence.
17 The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation. For instance, a topspin (forward spin) induces a downward lift force, causing the ball to drop more sharply than gravity alone would dictate. Conversely, a backspin (reverse spin) generates an upward lift force, resulting in a deceptively “floating” pitch.
18 Conspiracy: Mr. Black and Mr. Jones meet again, this time in the Synapse Tech Systems Laboratory, where Mr. Black is also the CEO. We see a pill-making machine being installed in the lab with Vita Solutions boxes next to it.
19 Covert Agenda: Later that week, Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.

Act 2 Plan in Action:

20 Hidden Identity: Ava calls TyRod again because she is worried, but things are fine once again. We see TyRod leave his clean bedroom and enter a living room that looks like a tornado ran through it. He stops as he closes his bedroom door and stares for a moment. His father looks at him with glassy eyes and a raggedy beard and catches his stare. He Snaps and slurs, “WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” A tear runs down Ty’s face, and he responds, “I want you to be with me, Dad, NOT with them.” TyRod tosses the CD from Coach Jo onto the Couch, and it lands on a picture of his Mom and Brother.
21 Success/Winning: All Twins’ baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoyed seeing how the ball reacted in different ways when the laces were spinning in a specific manner.
22 Intrigue: Mr. Black is in the stands watching a different game. He employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys taking the new vitamins make a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch.

Act 2 – Midpoint Turning Point:

23 Intrigue: Jocinda sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watches the game for a while and notices some other plays that remind her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
24 Scheme: Mr. Jones gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s notetaking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

25 Intrigue: With a murder board on the wall of her RV, Coach Jo is trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
26 Intrigue: After another good practice, Coach Jo gathers the kids on the bleachers around Stats to include him in the talk. She asks if anyone has noticed anything odd about the other players. After some funny comments, Smitty, the catcher, says he notices some of the better players twitch their little fingers. Drip chimes in that some of them wink at him. Coach Jo is fascinated by this information.
27 Funny Dilemma: Drip’s statement results in some comical banter, which leads to his subtext proclamation that he likes Izzy.
28 Superior Position: Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories because he is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
29 Intrigue: Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; her name is Sandy. Sandy winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
30 Secret: We see Jocinda open an email. The subject of the email is Mr. Black. (Here is where we learn of Mr. Black’s menacing background.
31 Cover-up: Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.
32 Intrigue: Because of the teams and Coach Jo’s good-hearted interest in Stats, his mom, Debra, has Coach Jo over for dinner. There, Coach Jo learns from Stats in a unique way, which is his way of showing affection, that the pinky twitch and the wink are characteristics of Willie Mays and Hank Aaron. It finally dawns on her what has been missing, but before she leaves, she asks Stats to do something for her and also realizes that Debra might be a love interest.

Act3 – New Plan:

33 Wound: Coach Jo goes to her sister’s house, and Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos. When she confesses that he has been giving her tips on how to coach the team, Kofi is confused but happy she is asking for help. He then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
34 Intrigue: Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap to transmit information. The nanobots are programmed with great athlete’s movement and instincts that will interface with the neural network, accessing the muscle memory and instinctual responses. Once connected, the nanobots act as conduits, relaying the athlete’s expertise directly to the subject’s motor neurons. This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking insurmountable barriers. She also learns that Mr. Black’s company makes the kids’ vitamins.
35 Superior Position: Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
36 Wound: Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.

Act 3 – Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

37 Intrigue: Mr. Jones tells Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program. Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
38 Cover Up: The vitamin analysis comes back. The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
39 Intrigue: Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

40 Secret: In the first game of the championship series, Coach Jo reads tips from one of Stats’ notebooks. The tips are about Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Ty Cobb, and a few other past greats’ weaknesses at the plate and in the field, which she passes on to her pitchers. This information neutralizes their talent at the plate, and the Twins have a stunning win in the series’ first game.
49 Cover Up: Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
50 Cover Up: Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak. Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing.
51 Cover Up: They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
52 Success/Winning: Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were lased in them and notified Det. Sibowits, who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Act 4 – Resolution:

53 Success/Winning: In the championship game, the Twins play Mr. Jones’ team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research. And yes, TyRod’s father is in the stands, all cleaned up, wanting to be a dad again.

Closing Image:

54 Excitement: The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.
55 The final shot mirrors the opening but now shows Jo confident and respected, having found a new purpose and path—through the detective unit, not around it, which helps expand her problem-solving ideas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Intriguing Moments

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to add new intrigue to the emotions already there – I also learned that Chat GPT’s response parallels my moments but in broader strokes.

Act 1:

Surprise: While on an unauthorized stakeout, Jocinda saves a woman from a domestic beating, but because she left, the burglar gets away. We see Jocinda exiting the detective’s bullpen with snide remarks tossed her way as she carries a box. Her reply to them at the door is, “If it were a man who saved that woman, you would be getting an accommodation for doing it off duty!”
Theme stated: Detective Sibowits, her training officer, stops her before she leaves and gives her some advice. “You have to know how to play the game before you can change the rules.”
Love/Hidden Weakness: Jocinda has a tender moment with her Goddaughter as she rolls up to the house where Ava is doing her chores. Jocinda’s sister Latisha and her husband Kofi watch from the window, and we find out Kofi is unhappy with this unannounced visit. He hates it when she is there because she always shows Ava shortcuts that bypass hard work. She shows this to be true with a memorization shortcut that gets Ava out of the doghouse with her dad.
Moral Issues: Jocinda battles the Little League board and its president, Mr. Jones because they do not want a woman to manage one of their teams. She shoots down every reason they come up with. The one that works in her favor is that she is the only one in the room who played ball in college.
Surprise: Jocinda announces that she will be taking over the coaching job for Ava’s team, the Twins, because of the extra time on her hands. Now, the fact that she is on suspension is out in the open, and Kofi, under his breath, mutters, “I knew it!”
Surprise: At the first practice, Coach Jo discovered that the team was curiously stacked with eleven-year-old brainiacs.
Courage: Ava introduces the team from the dugout to Jocinda, explaining that they all have nicknames. Coach Jo questions the nicknames, and Ava explains that they are nicknames they gave each other so they can ignore the mean ones.
Emotional Dilemma: The intro about TyRod reveals that he lost his mother and older brother in an accident. The intro for Stanley “Stats” Dombrowski is that he is an autistic kid that they kind of adopted, and he sits in the bleachers, keeps statistics in a notebook, and waits for his mom to complete her workout.
Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo questions some nicknames and gets a humorous answer. On the ones she guesses the reason for, she is totally wrong. For example, Tyler “TyRod” Rodriguez, she thinks it’s like A-Rod, and Ava explains it is because he helped his dad with the family car one day, and when they walked up, he was holding the tie rod for the suspension. When she takes a shot at Jonah “Babel” Martinez, she thinks it is because he talked so much; Ava gives her a strange look and explains it because his family speaks about fifteen languages. When Coach Jo looks at her funny, Ava explains,” You know, like, the Tower of Babel?”
Funny Dilemma: While practicing, the brainiacs are very awkward at the fundamentals of baseball. When Coach Jo brings out the CD for them to watch with their parents, the kids question the intent, like, “Wait, what? Watch this with our parents?”
Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Cosmo Von Spin PHD, and whether she knows it or not, he shows her, in his own comical and physiological way, how to teach kids with this caliber of intelligence.
Superior Position: Earlier in the day, Mr. Black watched Nanobots attach themselves to specific neurons, forming a seamless connection with the host’s motor cortex.
Covert Agenda: Mr. Jones secretly goes to Mr. Black, the CEO of the Vitamin company, with concerns that Jocinda is a Detective. Here, we see Mr. Black Playing Catch with a chimpanzee.
Hidden weakness: After the first plan involving the CD is a bust because she learns the parents are worse than the kids. Coach Jo takes the first step in healing her wound by using Doc Cos’s help. She passes out a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You cannot win a game if you do not know how to counter the first move in the Queen’s Gambit. The kids are impressed with the analogy.

Act 2 New Plan

Secret: Ava is a little worried about TyRod, but a FaceTime call puts her at ease. During the call, we see a clean bedroom with TyRod folding clothes from the laundry.
Hidden Weakness: The next step with Doc Cos’ help, Coach Jo doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory. “Visualize the vertex,” she tells them. “That’s where the sweet spot lives.” And they are excited because they understand. They start timing their bat swing to meet the ball. Their objective is to maximize the coefficient of restitution as the bat— or lever—makes contact with the baseball, transforming linear momentum into a parabolic trajectory dictated by the initial velocity vector and the angle of incidence.
The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation. For instance, a topspin (forward spin) induces a downward lift force, causing the ball to drop more sharply than gravity alone would dictate. Conversely, a backspin (reverse spin) generates an upward lift force, resulting in a deceptively “floating” pitch.
Conspiracy: Mr. Black and Mr. Jones meet again, this time in the Synapse Tech Systems Laboratory, where Mr. Black is also the CEO. We see a pill-making machine being installed in the lab with Vita Solutions boxes next to it.
Covert Agenda: Later that week, Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.

Act 2 Plan in Action:

Hidden Identity: Ava calls TyRod again because she is worried, but things are fine once again. We see TyRod leave his clean bedroom and enter a living room that looks like a tornado ran through it. He stops as he closes his bedroom door and stares for a moment. His father looks at him with glassy eyes and a raggedy beard and catches his stare. He Snaps and slurs, “WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” A tear runs down Ty’s face, and he responds, “I want you to be with me, Dad, NOT with them.” TyRod tosses the CD from Coach Jo onto the Couch, and it lands on a picture of his Mom and Brother.
Success/Winning: All Twins’ baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoyed seeing how the ball reacted in different ways when the laces were spinning in a specific manner.
Intrigue: Mr. Black is in the stands watching a different game. He employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys taking the new vitamins make a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch.

Act 2 – Midpoint Turning Point:

Intrigue: Jocinda sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watches the game for a while and notices some other plays that remind her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
Scheme: Mr. Jones gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s notetaking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

Intrigue: With a murder board on the wall of her RV, Coach Jo is trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
Intrigue: After another good practice, Coach Jo gathers the kids on the bleachers around Stats to include him in the talk. She asks if anyone has noticed anything odd about the other players. After some funny comments, Smitty, the catcher, says he notices some of the better players twitch their little fingers. Drip chimes in that some of them wink at him. Coach Jo is fascinated by this information.
Funny Dilemma: Drip’s statement results in some comical banter, which leads to his subtext proclamation that he likes Izzy.
Superior Position: Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories because he is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
Intrigue: Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; her name is Sandy. Sandy winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
Secret: We see Jocinda open an email. The subject of the email is Mr. Black. (Here is where we learn of Mr. Black’s menacing background.
Cover-up: Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.
Intrigue: Because of the teams and Coach Jo’s good-hearted interest in Stats, his mom, Debra, has Coach Jo over for dinner. There, Coach Jo learns from Stats in a unique way, which is his way of showing affection, that the pinky twitch and the wink are characteristics of Willie Mays and Hank Aaron. It finally dawns on her what has been missing, but before she leaves, she asks Stats to do something for her and also realizes that Debra might be a love interest.

Act3 – New Plan:

Wound: Coach Jo goes to her sister’s house, and Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos. When she confesses that he has been giving her tips on how to coach the team, Kofi is confused but happy she is asking for help. He then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Intrigue: Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap to transmit information. The nanobots are programmed with great athlete’s movement and instincts that will interface with the neural network, accessing the muscle memory and instinctual responses. Once connected, the nanobots act as conduits, relaying the athlete’s expertise directly to the subject’s motor neurons. This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking insurmountable barriers. She also learns that Mr. Black’s company makes the kids’ vitamins.
Superior Position: Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
Wound: Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.

Act 3 – Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

Intrigue: Mr. Jones tells Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program. Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
Cover Up: The vitamin analysis comes back. The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Intrigue: Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

Secret: In the first game of the championship series, Coach Jo reads tips from one of Stats’ notebooks. The tips are about Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Ty Cobb, and a few other past greats’ weaknesses at the plate and in the field, which she passes on to her pitchers. This information neutralizes their talent at the plate, and the Twins have a stunning win in the series’ first game.
Cover Up: Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
Cover Up: Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak. Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing.
Cover Up: They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
Success/Winning: Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were laced in them and notified Det. Sibowits, who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Act 4 – Resolution:

Success/Winning: In the championship game, the Twins play Mr. Jones’ team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research. And yes, TyRod’s father is in the stands, all cleaned up, wanting to be a dad again.

Closing Image:

Excitement: The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.
The final shot mirrors the opening but now shows Jo confident and respected, having found a new purpose and path—through the detective unit, not around it, which helps expand her problem-solving ideas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Emotional Moments

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to add emotion to the outline in a systematic way.

Act 1:

Surprise: After saving a woman from a domestic beating because she left her unauthorized stakeout, which resulted in the burglar getting away, we see Jocinda exiting the detective’s bullpen with snide remarks tossed her way as she carries a box. Her reply to them at the door is, “If it were a man who saved that woman, you would be getting an accommodation for doing it off duty!”
Theme stated: Detective Sibowits, her training officer, stops her before she leaves and gives her some advice. “You have to know how to play the game before you can change the rules.”
Love/Hidden Weakness: Jocinda has a tender moment with her Goddaughter as she rolls up to the house where Ava is doing her chores. Jocinda’s sister Latisha and her husband Kofi watch from the window, and we find out Kofi is unhappy with this unannounced visit. He hates it when she is there because she always shows Ava shortcuts that bypass hard work. She shows this to be true with a memorization shortcut that gets Ava out of the doghouse with her dad.
Moral Issues: Jocinda battles the Little League board and its president, Mr. Jones because they do not want a woman to manage one of their teams. She shoots down every reason they come up with. The one that works in her favor is that she is the only one in the room who played ball in college.
Surprise: Jocinda announces that she will be taking over the coaching job for Ava’s team, the Twins, because of the extra time on her hands. Now, the fact, that she is on suspension is out in the open, and Kofi, under his breath, mutters, “I knew it!”
Surprise: Coach Jo discovered that the team was curiously stacked with brainiacs at the first practice.
Courage: In the dugout, Ava introduces the team to Jocinda, explaining that they all have nicknames. Coach Jo questions the nicknames, and Ava explains that they are nicknames they gave each other so they can ignore the mean ones.
Emotional Dilemma: The intro about TyRod reveals that he lost his mother and older brother in an accident. The intro for Stanley “Stats” Dombrowski is that he is an autistic kid that they kind of adopted and that he sits in the bleachers, keeps statistics in a notebook, and waits for his mom to complete her workout.
Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo questions some nicknames and gets a humorous answer. On the ones she guesses the reason for, she is totally wrong. For example, Tyler “TyRod” Rodriguez, she thinks it’s like J-Lo, and Ava explains it is because he helped his dad with the family car one day, and when they walked up, he was holding the tie rod for the suspension. When she takes a shot at Jonah “Babel” Martinez, she thinks it is because he talked so much; Ava gives her a strange look and explains it because his family speaks about ten languages. When Coach Jo looks at her funny, Ava explains,” You know, like, the Tower of Babel?”
Funny Dilemma: While practicing, the brainiacs are very awkward at the fundamentals of baseball. When Coach Jo brings out the CD for them to watch with their parents, the kids question the intent, like, “Wait, what? Watch this with our parents?”
Funny Dilemma: Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Cosmo Von Spin PHD, and whether she knows it or not, he shows her, in his own comical and physiological way, how to teach kids with this caliber of intelligence.
Superior Position: Earlier in the day, Mr. Black watched Nanobots attach themselves to specific neurons, forming a seamless connection with the host’s motor cortex. He decides to use himself as the first human Ginnie pig.
Covert Agenda: Mr. Jones secretly goes to Mr. Black, the CEO of the Vitamin company, with concerns that Jocinda is a Detective. Here, we see Mr. Black Playing Catch with a chimpanzee.
Hidden weakness: After the first plan involving the CD is a bust because she learns the parents are worse than the kids. Coach Jo takes the first step in healing her wound by using Doc Cos’s help. She passes out a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You cannot win a game if you do not know how to counter the first move in the Queen’s Gambit. The kids are impressed with the analogy.

Act 2 New Plan

Secret: Ava is a little worried about TyRod, but a FaceTime call puts her at ease. During the call, we see a clean bedroom with TyRod folding clothes from the laundry.
Hidden Weakness: The next step with Doc Cos’ help, Coach Jo doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory. “Visualize the vertex,” she tells them. “That’s where the sweet spot lives.” And they are excited because they understand. They start timing their bat swing to meet the ball. Their objective is to maximize the coefficient of restitution as the bat— or lever—makes contact with the baseball, transforming linear momentum into a parabolic trajectory dictated by the initial velocity vector and the angle of incidence.
The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation. For instance, a topspin (forward spin) induces a downward lift force, causing the ball to drop more sharply than gravity alone would dictate. Conversely, a backspin (reverse spin) generates an upward lift force, resulting in a deceptively “floating” pitch.
Conspiracy: Mr. Black and Mr. Jones meet again, this time in the Synapse Tech Systems Laboratory, where Mr. Black is also the CEO. We see a pill-making machine being installed in the lab with Vita Solutions boxes next to it.
Covert Agenda: Later that week, Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.

Act 2 Plan in Action:

Hidden Identity: Ava calls TyRod again because she is worried, but things are fine once again. We see TyRod leave his room and enter a living room that looks like a tornado ran through it. He stops as he closes his bedroom door and stares for a moment. His father looks at him with glassy eyes and a raggedy beard and catches his stare. He Snaps and slurs, “WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” A tear runs down Ty’s face, and he responds, “I want you to be with me, Dad, NOT with them.” TyRod tosses the CD from Coach Jo onto the Couch, and it lands on a picture of his Mom and Brother.
Success/Winning: All Twins’ baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoyed seeing how the ball reacted in different ways when the laces were spinning in a specific manner.
Intrigue: Mr. Black is in the stands watching a different game. He employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys taking the new vitamins make a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch.

Act 2 – Midpoint Turning Point:

Intrigue: Jocinda sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watches the game for a while and notices some other plays that remind her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
Scheme: Mr. Jones gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s notetaking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

Intrigue: With a murder board on the wall of her RV, Coach Jo is trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
Intrigue: After another good practice, Coach Jo gathers the kids on the bleachers around Stats to include him in the talk. She asks if anyone has noticed anything odd about the other players after some funny moments. Smitty, the catcher, says he notices some of the better players twitch their little fingers. Drip chimes in that some of them wink at him. Coach Jo is fascinated by this information.
Funny Dilemma: Drip’s statement results in some comical banter, which leads to his subtext proclamation that he likes Izzy.
Superior Position: Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories because he is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
Intrigue: Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; her name is Sandy. Sandy winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
Secret: We see Jocinda open an email. The subject of the email is Mr. Black. (Here is where we learn of Mr. Black’s menacing background.
Cover-up: Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.
Intrigue: Because of the teams and Coach Jo’s good-hearted interest in Stats, his mom, Debra, has Coach Jo over for dinner. There, Coach Jo learns from Stats in a unique way, his way of showing affection, that the pinky twitch and the wink are characteristics of Willie Mays and Hank Aaron. It finally dawns on her what has been missing, but before she leaves, she asks Stats to do something for her and realizes that Debra might be a love interest.

Act3 – New Plan:

Wound: Coach Jo goes to her sister’s house, and Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos. When she confesses that he has been giving her tips on how to coach the team, Kofi is confused but happy she is asking for help. He then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Intrigue: Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap and transmit information from the nanobots to the muscle’s motor neurons. She also learns that Mr. Black’s company makes the kids’ vitamins.
Superior Position: Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
Wound: Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.

Act 3 – Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

Intrigue: Mr. Jones tells Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program. Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
Cover Up: The vitamin analysis comes back. The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Intrigue: Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

Cover Up: Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
Cover Up: Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak. Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing.
Cover Up: They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
Success/Winning: Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were lased in them and notified Det. Sibowits, who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Act 4 – Resolution:

Success/Winning: In the championship game, the Twins play Mr. Jones’ team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research. And yes, TyRod’s father is in the stands, all cleaned up, wanting to be a dad again.

Closing Image:

Excitement: The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.
The final shot mirrors the opening but now shows Jo confident and respected, having found a new purpose and path—through the detective unit, not around it, which helps expand her problem-solving ideas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s What Do You Reveal and When?

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to how to place the setups in the script for the best impact.

Question 1: What will you reveal?
The fact that Jocinda has been suspended and why.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?
Act 1—Inciting Incident: Jocinda informs Ava that she will be coaching her team because she has time on her hands.

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?
When Jocinda leaves the squad room and barks at all the men in the bullpen about sexism.
When she shows up out of the blue to visit her goddaughter.
When she argues with the Little League board about taking on the coaching job for Ava’s team.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?
The setups show up after the Beginning and before the Inciting Incident.

Question 1: What will you reveal?
Mr. Jones, the head of the Little League, is in cahoots with Mr. Black, and it involves the vitamins that Mr. Jones hands out to the Little League for free. Something is amiss.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?
Act 2 as the New Plan of Action. The reveal occurs when Mr. Jones receives a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black at his labs in Synapse Tech Systems, not at Vita Solutions, the manufacturer of the vitamins, and Mr. Black gives him a list of players to get the new vitamins.

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?
Mr. Jones is talking with the CEO of Vita Solutions in the company’s labs.
Mr. Jones is concerned that Jocinda is a Detective.
Mr. Jones again talks with Mr. Black, and we can see it is in Mr. Black’s Synapse Tech Systems laboratories when we get some foreshadowing of Nanobiotechnology.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?
Act 1 – introduction of the vitamins
Act 1 – Inciting Incident – when Mr. Jones shows concern about Jocinda being a Detective.
Act 2 – before the New Plan- There is a pill-making machine with some Vita Solutions boxes next to it in Synapse Tech Systems lab

Question 1: What will you reveal?
Jocinda is starting to ask for help to coach the twins, but it is not from who would think.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?
Act 2 – New Plan – Coach Jo asks Doc Cosmo Von Spin for help expanding her idea about coaching the Twins.

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?
She first meets Doc Cos in the tavern and half-listens to him when he gives her a tip on how she should teach kids of this caliber.
After the first game, Doc Cos explains what kind of kids he saw on the field.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?
Act 1 – right before turning Point 1 – We meet Doc Cosmo Von Spin
Act 2—right before the New Plan—Doc Cos tells Coach Jo how he sees the kids at their first game, which convinces her to ask him for help.

Question 1: What will you reveal?
Mr. Black uses the Little League as a testing ground for his Nanobots experiment.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?
Act 3 – New Plan – When Jocinda’s suspicions are confirmed by her sister that Mr. Black is using Nanotechnology on some of the Little Leaguers

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

Act 1 – Before Turning Point – There is some foreshadowing of Nanotechnology in Mr. Black’s Lab when Mr. Jones is there. Mr. Black plays catch with someone as they talk. It is a chimpanzee named Willie.
Act 1 – Turning Point- Mr. Black injects himself with a serum labeled 5ToolMaster.
Act 1 – Before the New Plan – It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and mental attitude.
Act 2—before the New Plan—Mr. Black’s lab assistants are busy coding to program more nanobots. In the background, a new machine is being installed in the Lab.
Act 2—Before the New Plan – Mr. Jones walks into the Nanobot demonstration and stands in the background, awed by what he is witnessing.
Act 3 – Rethinking – With a murder board on the wall, Jocinda is trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
Act 3 – New Plan in Action – Mr. Black is in the stands watching. The boys taking the new vitamins are playing without flaw.
Act 3 – Before New Plan – Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.
Act 3 – New Plan in action – Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap and transmit information from the nanobots to the muscle’s motor neurons. She also learns that the kids’ vitamins come from Mr. Black’s company.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

Act 1 – Before Turning Point – a foreshadowing of Nanotechnology in Mr. Black’s Lab and the chimpanzee named Willie.
Act 1 – Turning Point- Mr. Black injects himself with a serum labeled 5ToolMaster.
Act 1 – Before the New Plan – It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and his mental attitude.
Act 2 – before the New Plan – Mr. Black’s lab assistants are busy working on coding to program more nanobots. In the background, a new machine is being installed in the Lab.
Act 2—Before the New Plan – Mr. Jones walks into the Nanobot demonstration and stands in the background, awed by what he is witnessing.
Act 3 – Rethinking – With a murder board on the wall, Jocinda is trying to figure out what is happening.
Act 3 – New Plan in Action – Mr. Black is in the stands watching. The boys taking the new vitamins are playing without flaw.
Act 3 – Before New Plan – Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.
Act 3 – New Plan in action – Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and the kids’ vitamins come from Mr. Black’s company.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Character Action Tracks!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to character’s actions to my character’s journey

Act1 – Beginning:

(PJ1) Junior detective Jocinda is suspended for insubordination, in which she cries sexism.

(Action) Jocinda is on an unauthorized stakeout, trying to catch a serial burglar. As the call comes over the radio, she hears a woman scream for help. She notices a shadow of what could be the burglar, but the screams continue. She takes the call and saves a woman from a domestic beating, which could have been a lot worse if she wasn’t there. Jocinda gets suspended for the unauthorized stakeout and then for not staying on the stakeout to catch the burglar when he struck at the location, which she thought he would hit next. She cries foul because a man would have gotten an award for saving the woman while off duty.
(TJ1) Mr. Jones, the president of the Little League, is a thorn in Jocinda’s backside because he and the other board members do not want to let a woman coach one of their teams.
(Action) Mister Jones is adamant about not having Jocinda coach Ava’s team, the Twins. They spar back and forth. Mr. Jones gives reasons why, and Jocinda shoots them down, all while keeping the fact that she is suspended from the Police Force. The deciding factor they couldn’t argue against is that none of them on the board played any college ball like Jocinda.
(TJ2) Jones is also the sales manager for Vita Solutions, and the whole Little League receives free vitamins from the company.
(Action) Jocinda receives all the equipment she needs to coach the Twins, including a case of vitamins compliments of the corporate sponsor Vita Solutions, a local corporation that makes vitamins.
(PJ2) Jocinda/Coach Jo discovers that the Twins are curiously stacked with brainiacs in a misogynistic environment. Upon receiving permission to coach the team, she goes over the roster with her goddaughter, Ava.
(Action) Visual introduction of the team members: Nicknames – Lady A, Drip, Alphabet, Zee, Stats, TyRod, Jax, Ghost, Babel, Jocko, Smitty, Izzy

Inciting Incident:

(PJ3) At the first Practice, Coach Jo’s first plan is to use a teaching CD for the team to bring home and watch with their parents. She hopes to get the parents involved in teaching their kids how to play baseball with the same techniques she uses at practices.
(Action) After the team is introduced, the first practice is a funny disaster. At the end of the practice, Coach Jo hands out a CD on how to play Baseball and tells the team to watch it with their parents. She explains that this will help your parents teach you baseball techniques like I will teach you at practice.
(AJ1) We meet Mr. Black, the CEO of Vita Solutions, but they are in Synapse Tech Systems, where Mr. Jones voices his concerns about Jocinda/Coach Jo being a police detective.

(Action) Mr. Jones is escorted into the laboratories at Synapse Tech Systems. Mr. Black is a little annoyed at his presence and pulls him aside to let him know about it. Mr. Jones thinks that it is an emergency, but Mr. Black does not care that Jocinda is a Detective. (Here is where we get some foreshadowing of Nanotechnology. Mr. Black plays catch with someone as they talk. It is a chimpanzee named Willie.)
(PJ4) Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Cosmo Von Spin PHD, at the local tavern and half-listens to his insight on how to start teaching the kids the game of baseball.
(Action) Coach Jo stops at the local tavern to wet her whistle and decide on her next move with the team. After introducing herself to the bartender, she orders a beer and spreads her team notes. In walks an elderly, distinguished-looking gentleman with white hair; he peeks over her shoulder and speaks.
(Action) “Aw, baseball a masterful demonstration of applied physics and human dexterity, a dance of angular momentum, energy transfer, and statistical probabilities, all played out on a meticulously manicured field under the watchful eye of a sentient arbiter of the rules.” As he finishes the statement, he sits on his stool and says, “Hey, Ice cold beer here!” This is Doc Cosmo Von Spin.
(Action) Doc Cos gives Coach Jo a tip: first, teach them the rules and the game’s strategies. You cannot win the game if you do not know how to counter the first move in the Queen’s Gambit.

Turning Point 1:

(AJ2) Late one night alone in his Lab, Mr. Black injects himself with a syringe of nanobots tagged 5ToolMaster.
(Action) Earlier in the day, Mr. Black watched Nanobots attach themselves to specific neurons, forming a seamless connection with the host’s motor cortex. He decides to use himself as the first human Ginnie pig.
(PJ5) Coach Jo starts, to the team’s annoyance, with a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You can only win if you know the rules and strategies. She still tries to use the teaching techniques in the CD, which again comically fails.
(Action) After the first plan involving the CD is a bust because she learns the parents are worse than the kids, Coach Jo passes out a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You cannot win a game if you do not know how to counter the first move in the Queen’s Gambit. The kids are impressed with the analogy.
(TJ3) Coach Jo’s team’s first game against Mr. Jones’ team is a disaster, losing by the slaughter rule in 4 innings.
(Action) The game is a blowout, but they have improved in Coach Jo’s eyes. This is where she learns that every team makes the playoffs.
(Action) Doc Cos is in the stands and tells Coach Jo what he sees in the Twins. These kids aren’t your typical sluggers. They’re quantum theorists, algorithm whisperers, and chaos mathematicians. Their brains hum with theorems as they step up to the plate. But it’s not just their intellect—it’s their intuition, their knack for seeing the game through fractal lenses.
J3) It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and his mental attitude.

Mr. Black shows signs of quicker hand movement and faster hand-eye coordination, and he loves how it feels. . This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking insurmountable barriers.

Act 2 – New plan:

(PJ6) Coach Jo returns to Doc Cos and gets some tips from him on teaching her team baseball skills using science, math, and physics.
(Action) With Doc Cos’ help, Coach Jo doesn’t teach batting stances; she teaches parabolas. She explains how the arc of a pitch follows a quadratic trajectory. “Visualize the vertex,” she tells them. “That’s where the sweet spot lives.” And they are excited because they understand. They start timing their bat swing to meet the ball. Their objective is to maximize the coefficient of restitution as the bat— or lever—makes contact with the baseball, transforming linear momentum into a parabolic trajectory dictated by the initial velocity vector and the angle of incidence.
The pitchers are taught that the spin’s direction determines the lift force’s orientation. For instance, a topspin (forward spin) induces a downward lift force, causing the ball to drop more sharply than gravity alone would dictate. Conversely, a backspin (reverse spin) generates an upward lift force, resulting in a deceptively “floating” pitch.
(AJ5) Mr. Black’s lab assistants are busy working on coding to program more nanobots. In the background, a new machine is being installed in the Lab. (This is a pill-making machine with some Vita Solutions boxes next to it.)

(Action) Mr. Black and his assistants watch a digital simulation illustrating the nanobots interacting with neurons in the brain. Once connected, the nanobots act as conduits, relaying the information and expertise directly to the host’s motor neurons.
(TJ4) Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black at, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.
(Action) Mr. Jones walks in on the demonstration and stands in the background in awe of what he is witnessing.

Act – Plan in action:

(PJ7) Things are going well for the Twins.

(Action) All their baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoy seeing how the ball reacts to different ways it moves when the laces are spinning in a specific manner.
(TJ5) Mr. Jones’ team is playing another team.

(Action) Mr. Black is in the stands watching. The boys taking the new vitamins are playing without flaw.
(Action) Mr. Black employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys speed as he makes a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch. His assistant from the Lab is jotting down notes.

Act 2 – Midpoint Turning Point:

(PJ6) Coach Jo is on the sidelines of the game.

(Action) She sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watched the game for a while and noticed some other plays that reminded her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
(TJ6)Mr. Jones notices Coach Jo on the sidelines.

(Action) He gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s note-taking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

(PJ7) Coach Jo sits in her RV.

(Action) With a murder board on the wall, she is trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
(PJ8) Coach Jo turns to her computer.

(Action) She opens an email from Sr. Detective Sibowits, who tried to help her before getting suspended. The subject of the email is Mr. Black. (Here is where we learn of Mr. Black’s background)
(TJ7) Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories.
(Action) He is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
(AJ8) Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; her name is Sandy.

(Action) Sandy winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
(PJ9) Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.

New plan:

(PJ10) Coach Jo runs everything past her sister, Latisha, and her husband, Kofi. Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Cos, who then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
(Action) Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap and transmit information from the nanobots to the muscle’s motor neurons. She also learns that the kids’ vitamins come from Mr. Black’s company.
(AJ9) Mr. Black calls in, outside help to take Coach Jo out of the game.

(Action) Mr. Black reaches back into his past for help to eliminate Coach Jo.
(PJ10) Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits.

(Action) Det. Sibowits backs her play, and she gets him some vitamins for testing.

Act 3 -Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

(TJ7) Mr. Jones reveals to Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program.
(Action) Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
(PJ10) The vitamin analysis comes back.

(Action) The vitamins are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
(Action) Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

(PJ11) Coach Jo wakes up and is tied up in a chair.

(Action) She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab.
(PJ12) Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak.
(Action) Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing. They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
(TJ9) Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn.
(Action) Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were lased in them, and notified Det. Sibowits. Who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Resolution:

The championship game is where the Twins play Mr. Jones’ team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research.

Closing Image:

The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements and for standing up to a corporate giant. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.
The final shot mirrors the opening but now shows Jo confident and respected, having found a new purpose and path—through the detective unit, not around it—that helped expand her problem-solving ideas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Beat Sheet

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to take all the information I have accumulated and start to weave it into a recognizable plot for my screenplay.

Act1 – Beginning:

(PJ1) Junior detective Jocinda is suspended for insubordination, in which she cries sexism.
(TJ1) Mr. Jones, the president of the Little League, is a thorn in Jocinda’s backside because he and the other board members do not want to let a woman coach one of their teams.
(PJ2) Jocinda/Coach Jo gets permission to coach her goddaughter’s baseball team, the Twins, which is curiously stacked with brainiacs in a misogynistic environment.
(TJ2) Jones is also the sales manager for Vita Solutions, and the whole Little League receives free vitamins from the company.

Inciting Incident:

(PJ3) At the first Practice, Coach Jo’s first plan is to use a teaching CD for the team to bring home and watch with their parents, hoping to get the parents involved in teaching their kids how to play baseball with the same techniques she is using at practices. This plan fails miserably because the parents are worse than the kids.
(AJ1) We meet Mr. Black, the CEO of Vita Solutions, but they are in Synapse Tech Systems, where Mr. Jones voices his concerns about Jocinda/Coach Jo being a police detective.
(Here is where we get some foreshadowing of Nanotechnology. Mr. Black plays catch with someone as they talk. It is a chimpanzee named Willie.)
(PJ4) Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Kramer, at the local tavern and half-listens to his insight on how to start teaching the kids the game of baseball.

Turning Point 1:

(AJ2) Late one night alone in his Lab, Mr. Black injects himself with a syringe of nanobots tagged 5ToolMaster.
(PJ5) Coach Jo starts, to the team’s annoyance, with a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You can only win if you know the rules and strategies. She still tries to use the teaching techniques in the CD, which again comically fails.
(TJ3) Coach Jo’s team’s first game against Mr. Jones’ team is a disaster, losing by the slaughter rule in 4 innings.
(AJ3) It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and his mental attitude.

Act 2 – New plan:

(PJ6) Coach Jo returns to Doc Kramer and gets some tips from him on teaching her team baseball skills using science, math, and physics.
(AJ5) Mr. Black’s lab assistants are busy working on coding to program more nanobots. In the background, a new machine is being installed in the Lab. (This is a pill-making machine with some Vita Solutions boxes next to it.)
(TJ4) Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black at Synapse Tech Systems, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.

Plan in action:

(PJ7) Things are going well for the Twins. All their baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoy seeing how the ball reacts to different ways it moves when the laces are spinning in a specific manner.
(TJ5) Mr. Jones’ team is playing another team, and Mr. Black is in the stands watching. The boys taking the new vitamins are playing without flaw.
(AJ6) Mr. Black employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys speed as he makes a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch. His assistant from the Lab is jotting down notes.

Midpoint Turning Point:

(PJ6) Coach Jo is on the sidelines of the game and sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watched the game for a while and noticed some other plays that reminded her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
(TJ6)Mr. Jones notices Coach Jo on the sidelines and gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s note-taking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

(PJ7) Coach Jo sits in her RV with a murder board on the wall, trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
(PJ8) Coach Jo turns to her computer and opens an email from the Sr. Detective Sibowits, who was trying to help her before she got suspended. The subject of the email is Mr. Black.
(TJ7) Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories. He is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
(AJ8) Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; his name is Sandy; she winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
(PJ9) Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.

New plan:

(PJ10) Coach Jo runs everything past her sister, Latisha, and her husband, Kofi. Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Kramer, who then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap and transmit information from the nanobots to the muscle’s motor neurons. The vitamins the kids are taking come from Mr. Black’s company.
(AJ9) Mr. Black calls in outside help to take Coach Jo out of the game.
(PJ10) Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. He backs her play and gets some vitamins for testing.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

(TJ7) Mr. Jones reveals to Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program.
(AJ9) Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
(PJ10) The vitamin analysis comes back, and they are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

(PJ11) Coach Jo is waking up, but she is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab. Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak.
(AJ10) Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing. They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
(TJ9) Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were lased in them, and notified Det. Sibowits. Who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Resolution:

The championship game is where the Twins play Mr. Black’s team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research.

Closing Image:

The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements and for standing up to a corporate giant. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.
The final shot mirrors the opening but now shows Jo confident and respected, having found a new purpose and path—through the detective unit, not around it—that helped expand her problem-solving ideas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Beat Sheet

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to take all the information I have accumulated and start to weave it into a recognizable plot for my screenplay.

Act1 – Beginning:

(PJ1) Junior detective Jocinda is suspended for insubordination, in which she cries sexism.
(TJ1) Mr. Jones, the president of the Little League, is a thorn in Jocinda’s backside because he and the other board members do not want to let a woman coach one of their teams.
(PJ2) Jocinda/Coach Jo gets permission to coach her goddaughter’s baseball team, the Twins, which is curiously stacked with brainiacs in a misogynistic environment.
(TJ2) Jones is also the sales manager for Vita Solutions, and the whole Little League receives free vitamins from the company.

Inciting Incident:

(PJ3) At the first Practice, Coach Jo’s first plan is to use a teaching CD for the team to bring home and watch with their parents, hoping to get the parents involved in teaching their kids how to play baseball with the same techniques she is using at practices. This plan fails miserably because the parents are worse than the kids.
(AJ1) We meet Mr. Black, the CEO of Vita Solutions, but they are in Synapse Tech Systems, where Mr. Jones voices his concerns about Jocinda/Coach Jo being a police detective.
(Here is where we get some foreshadowing of Nanotechnology. Mr. Black plays catch with someone as they talk. It is a chimpanzee named Willie.)
(PJ4) Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot, the zany Doc Kramer, at the local tavern and half-listens to his insight on how to start teaching the kids the game of baseball.

Turning Point 1:

(AJ2) Late one night alone in his Lab, Mr. Black injects himself with a syringe of nanobots tagged 5ToolMaster.
(PJ5) Coach Jo starts, to the team’s annoyance, with a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining that learning baseball is like learning chess. You can only win if you know the rules and strategies. She still tries to use the teaching techniques in the CD, which again comically fails.
(TJ3) Coach Jo’s team’s first game against Mr. Jones’ team is a disaster, losing by the slaughter rule in 4 innings.
(AJ3) It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and his mental attitude.

Act 2 – New plan:

(PJ6) Coach Jo returns to Doc Kramer and gets some tips from him on teaching her team baseball skills using science, math, and physics.
(AJ5) Mr. Black’s lab assistants are busy working on coding to program more nanobots. In the background, a new machine is being installed in the Lab. (This is a pill-making machine with some Vita Solutions boxes next to it.)
(TJ4) Mr. Jones picks up a new batch of vitamins from Mr. Black at Synapse Tech Systems, along with a list of boys he wants to take this new version of vitamins.

Plan in action:

(PJ7) Things are going well for the Twins. All their baseball fundamentals are improving, kids are playing permanent positions, and their knowledge of the games has grown the fastest as they see the game more clearly now. A couple of the kids who were designated pitchers enjoy seeing how the ball reacts to different ways it moves when the laces are spinning in a specific manner.
(TJ5) Mr. Jones’ team is playing another team, and Mr. Black is in the stands watching. The boys taking the new vitamins are playing without flaw.
(AJ6) Mr. Black employs a slow, sinister clap and grins as he witnesses one of the boys speed as he makes a catch in the outfield, imitating Willie Mays’ patented basket catch. His assistant from the Lab is jotting down notes.

Midpoint Turning Point:

(PJ6) Coach Jo is on the sidelines of the game and sees the same catch. She is in awe, and then she notices Mr. Black in the stands enjoying what he sees. She watched the game for a while and noticed some other plays that reminded her of some of the late great professional baseball players. She also notices Mr. Black’s reaction to each.
(TJ6)Mr. Jones notices Coach Jo on the sidelines and gets Mr. Black’s attention, then nods to look up the Sideline. Coach Jo’s note-taking has piqued Mr. Black’s interest.

Act 3 – Rethink everything:

(PJ7) Coach Jo sits in her RV with a murder board on the wall, trying to figure out what is happening. She turns her interest to two boys in particular, the one boy who reminds her of Willie Mays and the other who reminds her of Ty Cobb, but only because of his hard play on the bases.
(PJ8) Coach Jo turns to her computer and opens an email from the Sr. Detective Sibowits, who was trying to help her before she got suspended. The subject of the email is Mr. Black.
(TJ7) Mr. Jones visits Mr. Black in his Laboratories. He is concerned about the minor side effects he is starting to notice. In the background by the new machine are bottles of the same vitamins Mr. Jones is handing out to the Little League.
(AJ8) Mr. Black brings out a new chimp to play catch with Willie; his name is Sandy; she winds up and pitches the ball to Willie. It’s a thing of beauty and an exact imitation of Sandy Koufax. Mr. Jones is in awe and forgets about the side effects.
(PJ9) Coach Jo hints at Mr. Jones about her theory, and with Mr. Jones’s reaction, she knows she is on the right path.

New plan:

(PJ10) Coach Jo runs everything past her sister, Latisha, and her husband, Kofi. Kofi wants to know why she is meeting with Doc Kramer, who then points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Coach Jo learns from her sister that the nanobots are a tectological breakthrough and that Mr. Black must have cracked the code to bridge the gap and transmit information from the nanobots to the muscle’s motor neurons. The vitamins the kids are taking come from Mr. Black’s company.
(AJ9) Mr. Black calls in outside help to take Coach Jo out of the game.
(PJ10) Coach Jo eats some crow and calls and explains her theory to Det. Sibowits. He backs her play and gets some vitamins for testing.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
(TJ7) Mr. Jones reveals to Mr. Black what Coach Jo knows about the secret program.
(AJ9) Mr. Black reveals to Mr. Jones that it will not be a problem by tomorrow.
(PJ10) The vitamin analysis comes back, and they are clean of any foreign matter, especially Nanobots. Det. Sibowits tries to reach Jocinda but must leave a message. He contacts Latisha and gives her the bad news.
Latisha goes to Jocinda’s RV to see if she is there; no Jocinda, but she sees the murder board, and something dawns on her.

Act 4 – Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

(PJ11) Coach Jo is waking up, but she is tied up in a chair. She looks around, and she is in a laboratory. She sees Sandy and Willie playing catch and has to do a double take. Mr. Black comes into the Lab. Coach Jo reveals that the police are testing the vitamins as they speak.
(AJ10) Mr. Black informs her that they are testing the placebo and will find nothing. They will not even find you! We have taken your RV, and you will have a tragic accident in it, probably because you were so depressed at the fact that you failed yet again because of your arrogance and history of not asking for help.
(TJ9) Det. Sibowits and the whole Detective unit come bursting into the Lab, guns drawn. Latisha tested one of her friend’s vitamins, confirmed nanobots were lased in them, and notified Det. Sibowits. Who had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Jones, who had a change of heart for the kids and called in the information.

Resolution:

The championship game is where the Twins play Mr. Black’s team without the nanobots’ assistance, and the brainiacs prove that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research.

Closing Image:

The team celebrates a well-played season for their baseball achievements and for standing up to a corporate giant. Jo watches proudly, her place as coach and mentor firmly established.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Deeper Layer

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.
From this lesson, I learned to how and why the Surface layer and the Deeper layer is going to fit together.
• Surface Layer: Amidst her suspension for insubordination, in which she cries sexism, Jocinda/Coach Jo takes on coaching her goddaughter's baseball team, which is stacked with brainiacs in a misogynistic environment.

• Deeper Layer: It turns out one of the major sponsors of the Little League, Vita Solutions, is helping their mother company, Synapse Tech Systems, with a secret research program involving Nanotechnology.

• Major Reveal: Synapse Tech Systems is testing a human performance enhancement program. With its latest nanobot technology, it can tap into the knowledge of the greatest athletes, transferring their skills directly to their hosts, turning them into the next Willie Mays or Hank Aaron.

• Influences Surface Story: Coach Jo notices that some of the other players on opposing teams are improving exponentially, and they are making a huge difference in the win-loss column.

• Hints: you can see how the kids are starting to mimic some of the game's greatest players, Willie Mays' basket catch, and Ty Cobb's aggressive play on the bases.

• Changes Reality: This technology will revolutionize human potential. Imagine a world where anyone can perform at the level of a champion, breaking barriers previously thought insurmountable; unfortunately, the side effects are also insurmountable. Besides, the brainiacs have proven that any physical game can be learned through sound scientific research.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Character Structure

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.
From this lesson, I learned to Map out the characters actions during the script and this makes it easy to keep the action pointed at the concept at all times.

Concept: A suspended female junior detective coaches a team of brainiac misfits, sponsored by a shady corporation, on how to play baseball with science, math, and physics. When corporate espionage threatens the town, she enlists the team’s unique skills to unravel the mystery, discovering the CEO’s involvement and confronting her family’s past ties to the company.
Main Conflict: Juggling coaching duties, unraveling corporate espionage, and confronting family ties to the corporation while battling sexism in law enforcement.
Old Ways: Jo approaches problems confrontationally without asking for help, often leading to conflicts with authority. She feels constrained by the sexist structures of her workplace, leading to feelings of frustration and helplessness. She doubts the applicability of her skills outside her specific job role, fearing that her abilities are not transferable or broadly valuable.
New Ways: By the film’s end, Jo adopts a more strategic approach to problem-solving. She learns to work within systems to change them, using creativity and indirect methods to achieve her goals. Jo gains new confidence in the versatility of her skills, understanding that her investigative talents can be a force for good in any context, not just police work. She sees herself as a multifaceted individual capable of inspiring and leading others in diverse situations.

JOCINDA/COACH JO’S CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Act 1: Opening: 25 to 30 pages
We open with junior detective Jocinda/Coach Jo being suspended from the force due to a controversial case, highlighting the sexism she faces in law enforcement.
Inciting Incident:
Jocinda agrees to coach her goddaughter’s baseball team because of the downtime from the suspension. At the first practice Coach Jo learns that the Little League has stacked her team with brainiacs.

Turning Point:

Coach Jo tries to use a teaching CD for the team to bring home and watch with their parents, hoping to get the parents involved in teaching their kids how to play baseball with the same techniques she is using at practices. This plan fails miserably because the parents are worse than the kids.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages
New plan
Coach Jo meets the neighborhood crackpot “Zany” Doc Kramer at the local tavern and listens to the insight he has on how to start teaching the kids the game of baseball.
Plan in action
She starts with a rule book and a book on baseball strategy, explaining it’s like learning chess. You can’t win if you don’t know the rules or the strategies to win.
She also starts teaching the brainiacs how to play baseball with tips on how to use science, math, physics, from Doc Kramer.

Midpoint Turning Point

Things are going well, and then she notices some of the other players on opposing teams are improving exponentially.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages — With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
Rethink everything
Coach Jo sits in her RV with a murder board on the wall, trying to figure out what is happening and she turns her interest to two boys in particular. One of the boys reminds her of willie Mays with some of the moves her has and the other reminds her Ty Cobb only because of his orneriness an very hard play.

New plan
Coach Jo runs everything past her sister and her husband, and Kofi points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
Coach Jo learns from her sister about the Nano Bots and the vitamins the other kids are taking.

Turning Point: Major shift
Coach Jo realizes what is happening with the kids taking the vitamins; the corporate sponsor is using the kids as a human testing ground for a secret Nanobot skill-enhancing program.
She brings it to the senior detective who tried to help her before she was suspended.

Act 4: 25 pages — Test the change in this character!
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Coach Jo confronts the head of the league, Mr. Jones, who is also an opposing coach, about her findings and turns him against the corporate sponsor.
With evidence in hand, the Senior detective arrests the corporate sponsor and puts an end to the Nano Bot program. Releasing the kids from the Nano Bot enhancement with the taking of an antidote.
Resolution
With the truth revealed, Coach Jo is reinstated to the force, but she chooses to continue coaching the team, using her position to inspire change and empower her players.

MR. BLACK’S CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE

Act 1: Opening: 25 to 30 pages
Mr. Black is the CEO and a brilliant nanotechnologist at Synapse Tech Systems and is also the CEO of the Vita Solutions Vitamin company in the area.
Inciting Incident:
Mr. Black is on the brink of a breakthrough in human performance enhancement. His latest nanobot technology interacts with neurons in the brain. These nanobots are programmed to interface with the neural network, accessing muscle memory and instinctual responses in a white rat.

Turning Point:
The white rats are becoming so intelligent and agile that they are climbing on top of the maze’s walls to go directly to the food source. This is attributed to the information the nanobots are feeding the white rat’s neural network.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages
New plan
Mr. Black and his assistant enhanced the nanobots program to interface with the neural network, accessing the muscle memory and instinctual responses. Nanobots attach themselves to specific neurons, forming a seamless connection with the motor cortex of a chimpanzee.

Plan in action
The new plan is working beautifully. The chimpanzee has quickly adapted to the mannerisms of a young boy while playing catch with Mr. Black.

Midpoint Turning Point
Late one night alone in his lab Mr. Black injects himself with a syringe of nanobots tagged 5ToolMaster. It doesn’t take long for Mr. Black to start feeling the change in his body and his mental attitude.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages — With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
Rethink everything

Mr. Black’s lab assistant is busy working on coding to program more nanobots with five of the top baseball athletes in the game’s history with their unique skills and mind set. Mr. Black also doesn’t hesitate to use his vitamin company’s products as a vessel to introduce the nanobots to their host.

New plan
Mr. Black gets his sales manager at Vita Solutions, Mr. Jones, to offer the nanobot vitamins to a chosen few of unaware little league players for human testing. With a placebo of course also to different players to measure the difference in reaction.

Turning Point: Major shift
Things are going very well until Coach Jo starts to suspect something is wrong. A few of the opposing players are developing at an unusual rate. Questions and figures out the unscrupulous testing going on at the little league player’s expense.

Act 4: 25 pages —
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
With evidence in hand, the Senior detective arrests the corporate sponsor and puts an end to the Nano Bot program. Releasing the kids from the Nano Bot enhancement with the taking of an antidote.

Resolution
The town begins to reckon with the consequences of corporate influence.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike's Supporting Characters

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

This assignment taught me how to assign characters to a specific function to further the story and point to the main concept.

Support 1:
• Name: Mr. Jones
• Role: Mr. Jones is a triangle character that connects Coach Jo and the Little League, as well as between Mr. Black and the Little League.
• Main purpose: Mr. Jones is the President of the Little League and a coach of an opposing team that is a pain in the butt for Coach Jo. He is also the head salesman for Vita Solutions, which provides the vitamins for some of the teams at the eleven-year-old level, the vitamins are a vessel for Mr. Black's nanobot experiments.
• Value: Always creating tension by butting heads with Coach Jo and is Mr. Black's henchman.

Support 2:
• Name: Professor Kramer
• Role: Pro. Kramer is the zany physics professor.
• Main purpose: Pro. Kramer shows Coach Jo how to teach the kids to learn baseball using the language they understand: math, geometry, and physics.
• Value: Pro. Kramer is also a mentor who teaches her the value of teamwork and collaboration, how to overcome her tendency to work alone, and how to seek help when needed.

Support 3:
• Name: Laticia
• Role: Coach Jo's Sister
• Main purpose: Laticia is Coach Jo's sounding board and devil's advocate.
• Value: Laticia keeps Coach Jo at bay with the Little League team and is a surprise link to Mr. Black's Nanotechnology company.

Support 4:
• Name: Kofi
• Role: Kofi is Coach Jo's brother-in-law.
• Main purpose: He is a thorn in Coach Jo's side when it comes to how she approaches the tasks at hand.
• Value: Another one that helps teach her the value of not working alone and seeking help from others with more knowledge.

Support 5:
• Name: Dr. Laura Feinstein
• Role: Mr. Black's lab partner
• Main purpose: Dr. Laura discovers how to get the Nanobots to communicate with the motor neurons and manipulate the muscles to do their bidding.
• Value: Her discovery starts the ball in motion to test it on the kids.

Support 6:
• Name: Detective Sibalwitz
• Role: Jocinda's training officer
• Main purpose: Tries to teach Jocinda how to be a detective and use the whole unit for their cases.
• Value: Jocinda starts to trust him and uses him to corral Mr. Black.

Support 7:
• Name: Ava
• Role: Coach Jo's goddaughter and one of the leaders on the team
• Main purpose: Ava helps organize the team functions.
• Value: Ava is the catalyst for Coach Jo to do well in her coaching debut.

Support 8:
• Name: Stanley "Stats" Dombrowski
• Role: Stats is an autistic kid sitting in the bleachers and writing notes in his notebooks.
• Primary purpose: Stats will supply Coach Jo with statistics for all the kids on every team. He also triggers the breakthrough, so Coach Jo figures out what Mr. Black is up to.
• Value: His stats show how to pitch to and play a shift on the better players in the league, and his mom could serve as a love interest.

Support 9:
• Name: The rest of the team, Liam "Drip" O'Malley, Tyler "TyRod" Rodriguez, Jackson "Jax" Lee, Marcin "Alphabet" Przybyłowicz-Tarkowski, Kacper "Ghost" Gupta, Jonah "Jargon" Martinez, Isabella "Izzy" Williams, Zoe "Zee" Papadakis, John "Smitty" Smith, Jack, "Jocko" O'Bucci
• Role: This is the rest of the Twins team.
• Main purpose: Each one will play a role in transforming into a good player. For example, Drip and Smitty answer the question of why a ball curves.
• Value: Their progress holds the team together, and a couple helps unearth Mr. Black's intentions.

Background Characters 1:
• Name: Patrons at the local tavern, other teams' parents, coaches, and locals.
• Role: sounding boards, parents who care, point to the theme
• Main purpose: This a place where Jocinda/Coach Jo can learn more, blow off stream and connect with her love interest, and meet Professor Kramer.
• Value: points to multiple areas of the concept and theme.

Background Characters 2:
• Name: Police Detective Bull Pen
• Role: Jocinda/Coach Jo's male coworkers
• Main purpose: They show their sexism.
• Value: They build a case against Jocinda/Coach Jo's for her to get suspended.

Background Characters 3:
• Name: Vita Solutions and Synapse Tech Systems employees
• Role: These are the people who work in the development labs
• Main purpose: Sound boards for Mr. Black and Mr. Jones.
• Value: They introduce how the Nanobots are introduced to the host's bloodstream and how the Nanobots connect with the motor neurons to make this feasible for the audience.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike's Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I've learned how to continue hashing out the characters in the script from their earlier years to the present, which has given me a great picture of who is talking and how they handle the conversation. With Ai's help, I have uncovered even deeper meanings to their characters. I am also learning from Ai how to shorten the explanations, although being as elegant in the wording eludes me.

With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:
Character: Jocinda/Coach Jo

A. The High Concept. Jocinda/Coach Jo is a suspended junior detective who transforms brainiacs into baseball prodigies and uncovers a sponsor's sinister plot to manipulate the Little League. One of the league's sponsors, Vita Solutions, is using vitamins supplied to the local Little League teams as a vessel to deliver Synapse Tech Systems experimental Nanobots programmed to interface the motor neurons in the neural network. The nanobots will test Synapse Tech Systems' secret program that could revolutionize human capabilities and build the ultimate 12-year-old World Series team.

B. This character's journey. Arc Begins: Coach Jo starts the story as a frustrated detective, suspended from the police force for confronting sexism in her workplace. She feels marginalized and questions her value and identity outside the context of her job. By the movie's end, Coach Jo emerges as a confident and innovative leader. She excels in her unexpected role as a coach and reaffirms her investigative skills by uncovering and resolving a significant corporate conspiracy. Jo learns to navigate different challenges, using her unique strengths to foster change and justice.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character. Jocinda, also known as Coach Jo, is the story's protagonist, a junior detective with a penchant for lone-wolf tactics honed during her time in the Traffic Unit. Her character presents an enticing challenge for actors, blending elements of drama and comedy while showcasing personal growth and redemption. Coach Jo's journey unfolds as she learns the value of teamwork and seeks justice amidst challenges like fighting against police department corruption and coaching her goddaughter's misfit little league team. Her emotional range spans frustration, determination, humor, and empathy, reflecting her struggle for recognition in a male-dominated field. Despite past wounds and a rebellious streak, Coach Jo's sharp wit and evolving problem-solving skills make her a standout character, particularly in her relationships with the brainiac professor, the children she coaches, and her conflicts with authority figures like Mr. Black. Her unique voice, marked by sarcasm and determination, underscores her transformation from a brash detective to a more thoughtful and effective leader, making her journey one of the most compelling aspects of the narrative.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

• 7. Character Subtext: Coach Jo is a junior detective who hates the misogynistic world she sees around her and is out to prove them all wrong. Possible Areas of Subtext: In the male-dominated workplace, in the Men's Club, they call a Little League in her investigation into a corrupt Little League corporate sponsor.

• 8. Character Intrigue: Fights the Police Dept. on the grounds of sexual harassment, takes on coaching her goddaughter's team of brainiacs in a misogynistic little league, and uncovers one of the corporate sponsors using the little league as a testing ground for nanobot technology. Unspoken Wound: Coach Jo's past has left a Wound that is still festering. In her past, she would come up with an idea to fix a problem and talk some friends or her sister into helping, and when the plan blew up, she was blamed, but when it succeeded, the others took credit.

• 9. Flaw: The Overconfidence in Jacinda/Coach Jo stems from an early wound she still cannot let go of. This wound gives her the courage to come up with a plan and go it alone to prove it to be right; nobody will know if it is the wrong way to solve a problem, instead of bringing her idea to someone to add input to make it a better idea to solve the problem, afraid that she would once again not receive any credit. She doesn't realize that the gesture for help would make her look stronger, but now she is seen as a person who jumps at her hunches and half-baked ideas.

• 10. Values: Coach Jo possesses the values of family, duty, integrity, and compassion, which are evident in her actions throughout the story.

• 11. Character Dilemma: Trust vs Suspicion: Balancing the need to trust their instincts and the people around them with the constant suspicion that anyone could be a threat. Risk-taking vs. Caution: Dealing with the tension between taking calculated risks in dangerous situations to uphold the law and exercising caution to ensure their own safety.

Character: Mr. Black

A. The High Concept. Jocinda/Coach Jo is a suspended junior detective who transforms brainiacs into baseball prodigies and uncovers a sponsor's sinister plot to manipulate the Little League. One of the league's sponsors, Vita Solutions, is using vitamins supplied to the local Little League teams as a vessel to deliver Synapse Tech Systems experimental Nanobots programmed to interface the motor neurons in the neural network. The nanobots will test Synapse Tech Systems' secret program that could revolutionize human capabilities and build the ultimate 12-year-old World Series team.

B. This character's journey. Mr. Black's journey fits the storyline of Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde: from a loving and caring Little League sponsor to a Mad Scientist who uses the Little League players as lab rats.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character. Mr. Black is a multi-dimensional antagonist, a modern-day mad scientist whose burning belief in the transformative power of nanotechnology drives his morally vague actions. Mr. Black's ambition and morality are both compelling and manipulative. His aloofness and past endeavors make him more than just a typical corporate villain. Through his clashes with Coach Jo and his morally dubious experiments on children, Mr. Black's emotional range spans from a persuasive sponsor to a defiant mad scientist, reflecting his internal struggle between ambition and ethics. His unique voice oscillates between kind and understanding to a raving nut job, showcasing his ability to sway others while concealing his true intentions.
3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

• 7. Character Subtext: Subtext Logline: Mr. Black is not just a corporate villain; he has blurred the lines between corporate influence and community welfare to further his hidden agenda. Possible Areas of Subtext: at the workplace with his employees, on the field with Little League officials, and with Coach Jo when she starts her investigation.

• 8. Character Intrigue: Hidden agendas: Mr. Black is a modern-day mad scientist who uses the local Little League as his private white rat farm to experiment with Nanobots. Secrets: Mr. Black's sinister past efforts to advance this technology and that he will stop at nothing this time to succeed. We also learn that Mr. Jones is his henchman.

• 9. Flaw: Mr. Black's flaw lies in his arrogance and single-minded pursuit of his goals, which blind him to his actions' ethical implications and human costs. This flaw ultimately leads to his downfall as he underestimates the resolve of those who oppose him.

• 10. Values: Mr. Black values innovation, progress, and the pursuit of knowledge above all else. He sees himself as a visionary who pushes the boundaries of what is possible, regardless of the consequences.

• 11. Character Dilemma: Mr. Black struggles with the tension between his desire for recognition and validation and the ethical concerns raised by his experimentation on children. This internal conflict drives his actions as he wrestles with the moral implications of his choices.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I’ve learned how to start hashing out the characters in the script from their earlier years to the present, which gives me a great picture of who is talking and how they handle the conversation.

With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

Character: Jocinda/Coach Jo

A. The High Concept. Jocinda/Coach Jo is a suspended junior detective who transforms brainiacs into baseball prodigies and uncovers a sponsor's sinister plot to manipulate the Little League. One of the league's sponsors, Vita Solutions, is using vitamins supplied to the local Little League teams as a vessel to deliver Synapse Tech Systems experimental Nanobots programmed to interface the motor neurons in the neural network. The nanobots will test Synapse Tech Systems' secret program that could revolutionize human capabilities and build the ultimate 12-year-old World Series team.

B. This character’s journey. Arc Begins: Coach Jo starts the story as a frustrated detective, suspended from the police force for confronting sexism in her workplace. She feels marginalized and questions her own value and identity outside the context of her job. By the end of the movie, Coach Jo emerges as a confident and innovative leader. She not only excels in her unexpected role as a coach but also reaffirms her investigative skills by uncovering and resolving a significant corporate conspiracy. Jo learns to navigate different challenges, using her unique strengths to foster change and justice.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character. Jocinda, also known as Coach Jo, is the protagonist of the story, a junior detective with a penchant for lone-wolf tactics honed during her time in the Traffic Unit. Her character presents an enticing challenge for actors, blending elements of drama and comedy while showcasing personal growth and redemption. Coach Jo's journey unfolds as she learns the value of teamwork and seeks justice amidst challenges like fighting against police department corruption and coaching her goddaughter's misfit little league team. Her emotional range spans frustration, determination, humor, and empathy, reflecting her struggle for recognition in a male-dominated field. Despite past wounds and a rebellious streak, Coach Jo's sharp wit and evolving problem-solving skills make her a standout character, particularly in her relationships with the brainiac professor, and the children she coaches, and her conflicts with authority figures like Mr. Black. Her unique voice, marked by sarcasm and determination, underscores her transformation from a brash detective to a more thoughtful and effective leader, making her journey one of the most compelling aspects of the narrative.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. Age range and Description: Jocinda/Coach Jo is in her mid 30’s, and still carries a toned and athletic physique, a testament to her active lifestyle and past experience as a police officer and now Jr. Detective. Jocinda's eyes exude determination and focus, reflecting her unwavering commitment to her work and her determination to fight against injustice. Whether she's interrogating a suspect or coaching her team, her gaze is intense and penetrating, conveying her strong sense of purpose.

3. Core Traits: Independent, Determined, Rebellious, Resourceful, Empathetic, Sharp-witted, and Growth orientated.

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Jocinda/Coach Jo wants the respect of her coworkers, and any other person that thinks they are superior to her.
Jocinda/Coach Jo needs to understand that her ideas at work, coaching, and even at life should be bounced off other people for input for success.

5. Wound: Jocinda carries around the fact that when she was younger, she would share an idea to solve a problem and when it worked, those around her would take the credit and if it did not work, she was to blame.

6. Likability: sacrifices her stakeout to help someone in need, steps up to coach her goddaughter's baseball team during her suspension, showing her willingness to lend a hand and support her family in their time of need.

Relatability: the relatable dilemma of balancing professional duties with personal convictions. prioritize helping others over following protocol, her struggle of doing what's right versus what's expected in a male-dominated workplace.

Empathy: Despite facing repercussions for her actions, including suspension from her job, Jocinda's empathy is evident in her commitment to helping those in need and standing up against injustice. Her frustration at facing consequences for following her instincts, highlighting the systemic challenges and biases she confronts within her workplace and family dynamics.

Character: Mr. Black

A. The High Concept. Jocinda/Coach Jo is a suspended junior detective that transforms brainiacs into baseball prodigies and uncovers a sponsor's sinister plot to manipulate the Little League. One of the league's sponsors, Vita Solutions, is using vitamins supplied to the local Little League teams as a vessel to deliver Synapse Tech Systems experimental Nanobots programmed to interface the motor neurons in the neural network. The nanobots will test Synapse Tech Systems' secret program that could revolutionize human capabilities and build the ultimate 12-year-old World Series team.

B. This character’s journey. Mr. Blacks journey is one that fits the Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde storyline. From loving and caring Little League sponsor to Mad Scientist that uses the Little League players as lab rats.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character. Mr. Black is a multi-dimensional antagonist, a modern-day mad scientist whose burning belief in the transformative power of nanotechnology drives his morally vague actions. Mr. Black’s ambition and morality is both compelling and manipulative. His aloofness and past endeavors make him more than just a typical corporate villain. Through his clashes with Coach Jo and his morally dubious experiments on children, Mr. Black's emotional range spans from persuasive sponsor to defiant mad scientist, reflecting his internal struggle between ambition and ethics. His unique voice oscillates between kind and understanding to a raving nut job, showcasing his ability to sway others while concealing his true intentions.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: In his mid to Late 50’s, when out and about Mr. Black cuts an imposing figure, standing tall with a commanding presence that demands attention when he enters a room. His stature exudes authority and confidence, making him a formidable presence in any setting. but when he is in the labs working at Synapse Tech Systems on his pet project Nanotechnology. He, in his white lab coat and horn-rimmed glasses, looks like he has two doctorates and a couple of masters in the field he loves.

3. Core Traits: Ambitious, Charismatic, Visionary, Ruthless, Morally Ambiguous, Calculating, Protective

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to help mankind achieve the ultimate goals in life.
Needs to people to believe in the potential of nanotechnology to revolutionize human capabilities.

5.Wound: Because of past endeavors of failed experiments that brought his devious ways to conduct experiments to gather informational data. Deep down, Mr. Black wrestles with the moral implications of his actions, haunted by the possibility that his pursuit of scientific progress may come at a great cost to innocent children.

Likability: Initially seen as an active and involved community member, Mr. Black garners likability through his philanthropic efforts and support of the Little League. However, as his true intentions are revealed, he transforms into a modern-day mad scientist, challenging the audience's perceptions.

Relatability: While running a large corporation leaves him with little spare time, Mr. Black's involvement in futuristic technology resonates with the audience's curiosity and excitement about advancements in science and technology. However, as his unethical actions come to light, the relatability fades as viewers grapple with the consequences of unchecked ambition.

Empathy: Initially viewed as a single man who treats the Little League like family, Mr. Black's manipulation of the children for his nanotechnology experiments elicits outrage and condemnation. As the truth unfolds, empathy shifts away from Mr. Black, replaced by a collective sense of betrayal and a desire for justice for the exploited children.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how to start plotting out the character’s connection with the audience.

• ·Character: Jocinda/Coach Jo
• ·Role: Protagonist

Jocinda has predicted where a serial robber will strike next. While on an unauthorized stakeout, she hears a call for help. Torn between leaving the stakeout or investigating, she leaves her post to help the person in trouble. She is suspended for insubordination; this is not the first time she has followed her hunches and been reprimanded. The bad thing is she was right.

• ·Likability: Jocinda leaves a possible crime for one in progress, helps with a domestic disturbance, and saves the woman from another beating.
• ·Relatability: Being in this situation, any of us would have done the same thing.
• ·Empathy: Suspended for doing her job, because this is not the way her male bosses and male counterparts want it done

Jocinda uses her newly acquired spare time to Coach her goddaughter’s baseball team.

• Likability: Jocinda visits her sister and finds out her goddaughter’s baseball team needs a coach. She decides to use her newly acquired downtime to help Ava out.
• Relatability: It’s a heartfelt moment until her sister and husband discover why she has this downtime.
• Empathy: It is the same reason she and her brother-in-law are always at odds with one another.

Coach Jo has her first practice, and she learns that the Little League has stacked Ava’s team with brainiacs.

• Likability: She shrugs her shoulders and accepts the challenge.
• Relatability: She thinks back to her playing days and implements a strategy used by her coaches when she was their age.
• Empathy: The plan fails dramatically, so now what?

• Character: Mr. Black

• Role: Antagonist

Mr. Black is the CEO of Vita Solutions, a local corporation making cutting-edge vitamins and one of the Little League’s largest sponsors.

• Likability: Mr. Black is very active in the community, especially with the Little League.
• Relatability: Running a large corporation doesn’t leave him with much spare time.
• Empathy: Being a single man, he treats the Little League like family.

We find out that Mr. Black is also the CEO of Synapse Tech Systems, which applies Nanotechnology to interface with neural systems.

• Likability: Who doesn’t like an owner of a company that is involved in futuristic capabilities?
• Relatability: Everyone thinks about delving into this type of futuristic technology. It might not be this involved for most, but it is exciting nonetheless.
• Empathy: His advancements are falling behind, and no one likes to fall off schedule.

Coach Jo uncovers the truth behind Vita Solutions' free vitamins for the Little League Teams. The vitamins are being used as vessels to introduce Nanobots into the children's blood system to manipulate their motor neurons. Mr. Black uses the Little League as a testing ground for his nanotechnology experiments.

• Likability: Mr. Black is now seen as a modern-day mad scientist.
• Relatability: Everyone is upset at Mr. Black for misusing the kids they thought he cared about.
• Empathy: There is no sympathy, only a lynch mob going after the mad scientist.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Character Intrigue

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I’ve learned to narrow down the Characters' intrigues to two, but as you can see, Chat GPT has connected and intertwined all of the intrigues throughout the script, which looks like touching on them as GPT has so gracefully done, is something to keep an eye on when I am outlining the script.

My Response to the Assignment

• Character Name: Jocinda/Coach Jo

• Role: Protagonist

• Competition: Fights the Police Dept. on the grounds of sexual harassment, takes on coaching her goddaughter’s team of brainiacs in a misogynistic little league, and uncovers one of the corporate sponsors using the little league as a testing ground for nanobot technology.

• Unspoken Wound: Coach Jo past has left a Wound that is still festering. In her past she would come up with an idea to fix a problem talk some friends or her sister into helping and when the plan blew up she was blamed but when it succeeded the others took credit.

GPT’s Response

1. **Hidden Agenda**: Despite her outward appearance of focusing solely on coaching the team, Coach Jo harbors a secret plan to use the kids' unique skills to uncover the truth behind the corporate espionage, aiming to redeem herself in the eyes of the police department.

2. **Competition**: Coach Jo finds herself in a subtle competition with her former colleagues at the police department. She's determined to prove herself as capable and resourceful, even if it means going against their traditional methods.

3. **Conspiracy**: There's an unspoken agreement among certain members of the little league community to protect the interests of Reverie Tech Solutions, complicating Coach Jo's investigation and adding layers of intrigue to her interactions.

4. **Secret**: Coach Jo keeps hidden the trauma of past betrayals in her career, driving her to work alone and mistrust others. This impacts her relationships, especially as she navigates the murky waters of corporate espionage.

5. **Deception**: To gain access to crucial information, Coach Jo employs tactics of deception, manipulating situations and people to extract the truth while keeping her true intentions concealed.

6. **Unspoken Wound**: Coach Jo's traumatic experiences in her past career haunt her decisions and interactions. Her fear of being blamed for failures or not receiving credit for successes drives her to take risks and push boundaries.

7. **Secret Identity**: Coach Jo adopts the persona of a tough, no-nonsense coach to conceal her vulnerabilities and insecurities. However, beneath this facade lies a woman desperate for redemption and acceptance.

My Response to the Assignment

• Character Name: Mr. Black
• Role: Antagonist

• Hidden agendas: Mr. Black is a modern-day mad scientist who uses the local Little League as his private white rat farm to experiment with Nanobots.

• Secrets: Mr. Black’s sinister past efforts to advance this technology and that he will stop at nothing this time to succeed. We also learn that Mr. Jones is his henchman.
GPT’s Response

1. **Hidden Agenda**: Mr. Black's covert plan involves using the little league as a testing ground for his nanotechnology experiments, with the ultimate goal of revolutionizing human capabilities. He's willing to go to great lengths to keep his agenda hidden from public scrutiny.

2. **Competition**: Internally, Mr. Black faces competition from rival companies and researchers in the field of nanotechnology. His desire to be at the forefront of innovation drives him to push ethical boundaries and take risks.

3. **Conspiracy**: Mr. Black collaborates with key figures within the little league and Reverie Tech Solutions to ensure the success of his experiments, forming a clandestine alliance that operates outside the bounds of legality.

4. **Secret**: Mr. Black conceals the true extent of the side effects of his nanotechnology experiments, downplaying any negative outcomes to protect his reputation and the reputation of his company.

5. **Deception**: Mr. Black employs tactics of deception to manipulate public perception of his experiments, painting them as benevolent advancements for society while hiding the potential dangers and risks involved.

6. **Unspoken Wound**: Deep down, Mr. Black wrestles with the moral implications of his actions, haunted by the possibility that his pursuit of scientific progress may come at a great cost to innocent children.

7. **Secret Identity**: While publicly known as a visionary entrepreneur, Mr. Black hides his true intentions behind a facade of philanthropy and innovation. Only those closest to him understand the extent of his ambition and ruthlessness.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Subtext Characters

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I’ve learned that my Screenplay’s character’s subtext should be laid out before a word of dialogue is written so it is strong and formidable.

Movie Example
• Movie Title: Champions
• Character Name: Marcus
• Subtext Identity: Marcus is a rejected low-level basketball coach trying to prove himself to reach the NBA, but because of a DUI, he is doing community service coaching a basketball team to compete in the Special Olympics.
• Subtext Trait: Manipulative/scheming
• Subtext Logline: Marcus is a rejected low-level basketball coach trying to get to the NBA/ has DUI community duties with the Special Olympic Basketball team/a rocky love interest
• Possible Areas of Subtext: Marcus’ actions are an emotional roller coaster ride, from scheming to understanding to apologetic to scheming to acceptance to love.

My Assignment
• Movie Title: Smart Ball
• Character Name: Jocinda/Coach Jo
• Subtext Identity: Jocinda is a junior detective who would rather work alone and gets suspended because of it.
• Subtext Trait: Secretive/crafty
• Subtext Logline: Coach Jo is a junior detective who hates the misogynistic world she sees around her and is out to prove them all wrong.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: In the male-dominated workplace, in the Men’s Club, they call a Little League in her investigation into a corrupt Little League corporate sponsor.

• Character Name: Mr. Black
• Subtext Identity: Mr. Black is a visionary in the field of nanotechnology and vitamins but is using the Little League as a testing ground.
• Subtext Trait: Manipulative/power-hungry
• Subtext Logline: Mr. Black is not just a corporate villain; he has blurred the lines between corporate influence and community welfare to further his hidden agenda.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: at the workplace with his employees, on the field with Little League officials, and with Coach Jo when she starts her investigation.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Actor Attractors!

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I learned on this assignment is to take a good look at the characters and turn their emotions up to point at the concept.

I also learned to put the AI Prompt through to see its opinion, which I must say are close to mine but in a more explanatory way and not using actual scene descriptions like I did. Oh yeah, much more poetic and word Smithy. I think I am developing a love-hate relationship with this thing!

Lead Character Name: Jocinda/Coach Jo

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Jocina/Coach Jo is a junior detective with a work-alone ethics, one she developed in the Traffic Unit. Although her half-baked ideas are unique in nature, they could always use some experienced input, although she never seeks it out.

2.What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
During the story, we watch Coach Jo learn more about teamwork and refining ideas and strategies from the strangest places.

3.What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Fights the Police Dept. on the grounds of sexual harassment, takes on coaching her goddaughter’s team of brainiacs in a misogynistic little league, and uncovers one of the corporate sponsors using the little league as a testing ground for nanobot technology.

4.How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
On an unauthorized stakeout that blows up in her face, we see some of her qualities that got her the promotion to Jr. Detective and a lot of her characteristics that just might send her back to the traffic unit or, worse, back in uniform and in a beat car.

5.What could be this character’s emotional range
To start with, there is a high emotion to be seen as an equal in the detective’s division, which is male-dominated. This emotion will be brought in and out until she sees that asking and working with her male counterparts can be very beneficial.

6.What subtext can the actor play?
Faking the knowledge of how to coach baseball – convincing the all-male little league board she is capable of coaching, convincing the team that this is the way to play, trying to get more information on the corporate sponsor aloofly, secret love interest.

7.What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Relationships with the brainiac professor from the park that helps her with the team, corporate sponsor investigation, and teamwork with the team and her PD unit.
8.How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Coach Jo uses her old ways to mess things up until her new, unique ways start to form and show results with the team, family, work, and love interests.

9. What could make this character special and unique?
How her half-baked ideas get better as she learns to think things out further and even bounce them off of other people with more knowledge on the subject than she has.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name: Mr. Black

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Mr. Black is a modern-day mad scientist who uses the local Little League as his private white rat farm to experiment with Nanobots.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
His aloofness in secret experimentation using his vitamin company, a subsidiary of his flagship company Reverie Tech Solutions, as a cover.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Using the kids as lab rats, how far will he go to protect it?

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
In a confrontation with the president of the local Little League, Mr. Jones. we learn of Mr. Black’s sinister past efforts to advance this technology and that he will stop at nothing this time to succeed. We also learn that Mr. Jones is his henchman.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
From corporate Sponsor the defiant mad scientist.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
Secrets, past, present, and future.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character can have?
Butting heads with Coach Jo,

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
As a kind and understanding Sponsor for the kids to a raving nut job that will do anything to advance and or protect his secret program.

9. What could make this character special and unique?
He is special because of the technology he is uncovering. The way he can introduce it to human anatomy and have it enhance mind and body function is unique.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Actor attractors for Champions

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

What I learned from this lesson is how to map out a character’s emotions and actions.

Movie Title: Champions

Lead Character Name: Woody Harrelson as Marcus

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Marcus is a diverse role that shows many emotions while coaching a team of special needs teens for the Summer Special Olympics.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
You can see Marcus’ character arc and where he will end up, but getting there from here is a journey worth watching.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Marcus’ actions are an emotional roller coaster ride, from scheming to understanding to apologetic to scheming to acceptance to love.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
The morning of a one-night stand’s banter introduces all his character traits, and the banter is all one-sided, with the woman getting the best of him.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Marcus’ emotional range is a roller coaster ride: from scheming to understanding to apologetics to scheming, acceptance, and love.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
The love interest, I’ve got a secret, double meanings in his answers.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Relationships with old head coach, one-night stand/conscience/love interest, Johnny and other team members, assistant coach

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
In his ability to get others to do what he wants and the way he thinks, he can double talk to sound intelligent.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
Marcus talks a good game, and when caught lying or exaggerating, he can walk it back and start over. He does have unique basketball skills, but getting the kids to understand the technical part of the game is the challenge.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
I think the opening scene best shows his Actor-Attractor attributes in the way he reacts to Alex pointing out all his faults, from being five promotions away from being a B-level basketball coach to pathetically only having one book in his apartment, which is How to Succeed; and other digs at his character.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Genre Conventions

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned to trust my first instinct in the last lesson and then, let the AI Prompt answer influence the script which has done here and how it flipped my first instinct to turn it into humor. So, I guess I learned to be open minded. Notice the changes in red and/or underlined.

**Act 1: Setting the Stage (Comedic Introduction with Dramatic Undertones)**

– *Theme foreshadowing*: The opening scene introduces Jocinda "Coach Jo" suspended from the force due to a controversial case, highlighting the sexism she faces. This scene plays out with comedic elements, such as the reactions of her fellow officers and Jo's exaggerated frustrations, but it also lays the groundwork for the deeper dramatic conflict she's facing.

– *Introducing the team*: As Jo reluctantly agrees to coach her goddaughter Ava's baseball team, the quirky nature of the team members and their oddball personalities are played for laughs, but beneath the surface, we see hints of their vulnerabilities and insecurities, setting the stage for character development.

– *Inciting Incident*: Jo's agreement to coach the team serves as the inciting incident, presented in a humorous light as she grapples with her own lack of knowledge about baseball and her initial attempts to apply her old-fashioned detective skills to coaching, resulting in comical mishaps.

**Act 2: Embracing the Unconventional (Comedic Escapades with Dramatic Undercurrents)**

– *New Plan*: Jo enlists the help of a quirky science teacher or a nerdy inventor to incorporate scientific principles into baseball, leading to absurd and hilarious training sessions as the team learns to play the game using math, physics, and unconventional tactics. The comedic moments arise from the misfit team's struggles to grasp these concepts and apply them on the field, while the underlying drama emerges as Jo begins to question her own rigid approach to coaching and life.

– *Plan in Action*: As Jo's unconventional coaching methods start to yield surprising results, rival teams react with confusion and suspicion, leading to comedic confrontations and escalating tensions on and off the field.

– *Midpoint Turning Point*: The discovery of the opposing team's getting better at the game without practice, suspicious behavior (eye and finger twitches seen only in the players that are getting better) injects a sense of urgency and mystery into the story, blending comedic intrigue with genuine suspense as Jo and her team investigate the strange occurrences.

**Act 3: Unraveling the Mystery (Balancing Humor with Emotional Depth)**

– *Rethink Everything*: Jo's realization that the other teams are using performance-enhancing substances triggers a shift in tone, as she grapples with the ethical implications of her discovery and wrestles with her own moral compass. This introspective moment is punctuated by comedic beats as Jo attempts to piece together the puzzle in her makeshift RV headquarters.

– *New Plan*: With the help of her sister a senior detective and a couple of other fellow detectives wanting to prover her wrong, Jo formulates a plan to expose the corporate conspiracy, blending moments of levity with genuine suspense as they gather evidence and confront the villains behind the scheme.

– *Turning Point*: The revelation of the corporate sponsor's nefarious intentions marks a major shift in the story, culminating in a climactic showdown between Jo and the forces of corporate greed. This scene balances comedic banter with high-stakes drama as Jo fights to protect her team and uphold justice.

**Act 4: Redemption and Resolution (Heartfelt Moments Amidst the Laughter)**

– *Climax*: The climactic confrontation between Jo and the corporate sponsor plays out with comedic twists and turns, but beneath the humor lies a deeper emotional resonance as Jo confronts the demons of her past and fights to redeem herself in the eyes of her peers and her community.

– *Resolution*: As the truth is revealed and justice prevails, Jo finds redemption not only in her reinstatement to the force but also in her newfound purpose as a mentor and role model for her team. This resolution strikes a balance between humor and heartfelt emotion, as Jo's journey comes full circle, and she embraces her role as a catalyst for change in her community.

By blending the genre conventions of comedy and drama, your screenplay can offer a rich and multi-layered storytelling experience, engaging audiences with its humor, heart, and humanity.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike‘s 4 Act Transformational Structure

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned to trust my first instinct and then, let the AI Prompt answer influence the script.

Concept: A suspended female junior detective coaches a team of brainiac misfits, sponsored by a shady corporation, on how to play baseball with science, math, and physics. When corporate espionage threatens the town, she enlists the team's unique skills to unravel the mystery, discovering the CEO's involvement and confronting her family's past ties to the company.

Main Conflict: Juggling coaching duties, unraveling corporate espionage, and confronting family ties to the corporation while battling sexism in law enforcement.

Old Ways: Jo approaches problems confrontationally without asking for help, often leading to conflicts with authority. She feels constrained by the sexist structures of her workplace, leading to feelings of frustration and helplessness. She doubts the applicability of her skills outside her specific job role, fearing that her abilities are not transferable or broadly valuable.

New Ways: By the film's end, Jo adopts a more strategic approach to problem-solving. She learns to work within systems to change them, using creativity and indirect methods to achieve her goals. Jo gains a new confidence in the versatility of her skills, understanding that her investigative talents can be a force for good in any context, not just police work. She sees herself as a multifaceted individual capable of inspiring and leading others in diverse situations.

Act 1: Opening: 25 to 30 pages — Set up and see Old Ways.
• Theme foreshadowing: We open with junior detective Jocinda "Coach Jo" being suspended from the force due to a controversial case, highlighting the sexism she faces in law enforcement. One of the senior detectives’ mutters that "sometimes you have to play the game to change the game," hinting at Jo's future approach to detective work.
• She reluctantly agrees to coach her goddaughter Ava's baseball team, which is suspiciously loaded with brainiacs and is sponsored by a local corporation.
• Introduce Reverie Tech Solutions, the corporation's lab assistant, with seeds of redemption on their nanotechnology with rats and the Logo for the Extract Vitamin Solutions name next to theirs on the building.
Inciting Incident:
• Jocinda agrees to coach her goddaughter’s baseball team because of the downtime from the suspension. Introduce the brainiac team members, each with their own unique personalities and skills, as they struggle to find their footing in the league.
• She tries to coach the team in her old ways, turning to her college career of discipline and hard work by herself.
Turning Point:
• Coach Jo overhears one of the boys on the team describing to another teammate how to throw the ball, similar to a catapult throwing a rock but in scientific terms.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways.
New plan
• Coach Jo enlists the help of (someone?) to identify ways to explain some baseball moves scientifically. She starts teaching the brainiacs how to play baseball with science, math, physics, and some college tricks.
Plan in action
• She can start teaching the brainiacs how to play baseball with science, math, physics, and some college tricks.
• Things are going well, and then she notices some of the other players on opposing teams are improving exponentially.
Midpoint Turning Point
• Alpha, the catcher, notices a little finger twitch on some of the better players.
• Drip, the pitcher, also notices that some of the other kids have an eye twitch when batting.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages — With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
Rethink everything
• Coach Jo sits in her RV with a murder board on the wall, trying to figure out what is happening.
New plan
• Coach Jo runs everything past her sister and her husband, and Kofi points out that asking for help is a step in the right direction for a new you.
• Coach Jo learns from her sister about the Nano Bots and the vitamins the other kids are taking.
Turning Point: Major shift
• Coach Jo realizes what is happening with the kids taking the vitamins; the corporate sponsor is using the kids as a human testing ground for a secret Nano Bot skill-enhancing program.
• She brings it to the senior detective who tried to help her before she was suspended. (showing a new trend of her asking for help)

Act 4: 25 pages — Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
• Coach Jo confronts the head of the league and an opposing coach about her
findings and turns him against the corporate sponsor.
• With evidence in hand, the Senior detective arrests the corporate sponsor and puts an end to the Nano Bot program. Releasing the kids from the Nano Bot enhancement with the taking of an antidote.
Resolution
• With the truth revealed, Coach Jo is reinstated to the force, but she chooses to continue coaching the team, using her position to inspire change and empower her players.
• The town begins to reckon with the consequences of corporate influence as Coach Jo and her allies work to create a more just and equitable community.
• Coach Jo and Ava's family confront their past ties to the corporation, finding closure and forgiveness as they move forward together.

This structure maintains the progression of the story while aligning it with the 4-act Transformational Structure. It emphasizes Jo's transformation from a frustrated detective to a confident and innovative leader.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Subtext Plot

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch them, and start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I learned that when you look beneath the surface of your storyline, the two main plots can eventually turn into multiple subtext plots that support one another. As you can see, five of the subtext plot descriptions fit my two main plots, and I still have a love interest and a family feud to introduce.

1. **Scheme and Investigation**: using her detective skills, Coach Jo starts noticing unusual improvements in the players' performances. Unbeknownst to her, Mr. Jones is covertly distributing nanotech enhancements ordered by Mr. Black. As she investigates, she uncovers the unethical use of technology on children. This plot layer would involve Jo using deceptive tactics to gather evidence while Mr. Jones tries to cover tracks and manipulate outcomes to keep the program under wraps.

2. **Someone Hides Who They Are**: Mr. Jones presents as a supportive Little League president but secretly implements Mr. Black's Nanobot program. His internal conflict and gradual change of heart, catalyzed by the children's adverse reactions and Jo's ethical stance, form the backbone of this plot. The tension escalates as his true intentions and actions start coming to light through Coach Jo's investigations.

3. **Superior Position**: The audience knows from the start about the Nanobot program but not the delivery system, creating a dual perspective as we follow Coach Jo's slow discovery of the truth, with a twist for the audience. This dramatic irony keeps the audience engaged in how she will uncover and confront the unethical experiments, creating tension and anticipation with each clue she finds.
4. **A Major Cover-Up**: As Jo gets closer to the truth, Mr. Black intensifies efforts to hide the Nanobot program. This subplot involves various tactics such as misinformation, threats, or bribing key figures like parents or officials. Each game the children play under Jo's coaching could serve as a cover for Mr. Black to conduct and observe experiments, turning each match into a tense moment of potential exposure.

5. **Competitive Agendas**: Jo’s agenda to reform the team using science and develop the children’s confidence competes with Mr. Black’s agenda to create super-athletes using unethical means. Each match in the league can be seen as a direct clash of these agendas, with Mr. Jones caught in the middle, manipulating results and eventually facing his moral dilemma.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Michael Collado.

[Michael Collado]

• Mike’s Transformational Journey
  My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.
  During this lesson, I learned how to influence Chat GPT to enhance the character’s journey arc and keep it pointing toward the concept. However, I still have to change aspects of the GPT response to keep things on track.
  Transformational Journey for Coach Jo in “Smart Ball”
  Character Arc
  Arc Begins: Coach Jo starts the story as a frustrated detective, suspended from the police force for confronting sexism in her workplace. She feels marginalized and questions her own value and identity outside the context of her job.
  Arc Ends: By the movie’s end, Coach Jo emerges as a confident and innovative leader. She not only excels in her unexpected role as a coach but also reaffirms her investigative skills by uncovering and resolving a significant corporate conspiracy. Jo learns to navigate different challenges, using her unique strengths to foster change and justice.
  Internal/External Journey
  Internal Journey:

• Initial State: Jo feels
  defeated and uncertain of her future, grappling with feelings of being
  undervalued and misrepresented.

• Development: Jo regains her self-confidence and sense of purpose as she coaches the team. She
  realizes her problem-solving skills are valuable in any context, not just
  police work.

• Resolution: Jo fully
  embraces her new identity as a leader and mentor, seeing her value beyond
  the badge. She feels empowered and ready to tackle injustice in any arena.

• External Journey:Initial State: Jo is in a
  state of career limbo, without a clear direction.

• Development: She takes on
  the role of a coach, applying her detective skills to both coaching and
  investigating the shady dealings of the corporate sponsors. She adapts her
  investigative skills to a new context, learning to apply scientific
  principles to coaching and her natural curiosity to uncover wrongdoing.

• Resolution: Jo
  successfully leads her team to victory in the league while exposing a
  dangerous corporate scheme, proving her leadership and detective skills in
  a public and impactful way.

• Old Ways and New Ways
  Old Ways:Jo approaches
  problems confrontationally, often leading to conflicts with authority. She
  feels constrained by the sexist structures of her workplace, leading to
  feelings of frustration and helplessness.

• She doubts the
  applicability of her skills outside her specific job role, fearing that
  her abilities are not transferrable or broadly valuable.

• New Ways:By the end of
  the film, Jo adopts a more strategic approach to problem-solving. She
  learns to work within systems to change them, using creativity and
  indirect methods to achieve her goals.

• Jo gains a new
  confidence in the versatility of her skills, understanding that her
  investigative talents can be a force for good in any context, not just
  police work. She sees herself as a multifaceted individual capable of
  inspiring and leading others in diverse situations.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision is to write original screenplays, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this assignment, I learned that my Screenplay’s character structure needs to change to a Dynamic Triangle, which will make the conflict flow and deepen some of the layers. Also, fidgeting with the prompt can help AI show how the characters can deliver on the concept the way you want.

Protagonist: Coach Jo

Logline: Coach Jo is a suspended junior detective who discovers redemption and personal growth as she coaches a team of academically inclined but athletically challenged children.

Unique: Her background in detective work allows her to see patterns and details others might miss, which she cleverly applies in coaching baseball. Her experience with insubordination gives her a rebellious edge perfect for challenging the status quo and fighting against hidden corruption.

Antagonist: Mr. Black

Logline: Reverie Tech Solutions’ CEO, a local Little League corporate sponsor, believes in using Nanotechnology to improve human capabilities and experiences.

Unique: Mr. Black is not just a corporate villain; he is a visionary who genuinely believes in the transformative potential of technology. His conflict with Jo arises not from traditional villainy but from a fundamental disagreement on the ethics of using children in experimental programs.

Triangle Character: Mr. Jones

Logline: His position as the president of the Little League and his role as Mr. Black’s henchman place him at the heart of the conflict, and he is torn between his duty and his growing moral concerns.

Unique: Mr. Jones starts off as a loyal employee executing the distribution of the nano-tech “vitamins” among the league players. His journey involves grappling with the ethical implications of his actions as he sees the side effects on the kids and begins questioning his loyalty to Mr. Black.

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, and start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned how AI can help reinforce my thoughts on a title, concept, and story hook and give me suggestions for improvements.

Title: Smart Ball

Concept: A suspended female detective takes on coaching a baseball team with all brainiacs; she uses their language, math, science, physics, and a few tricks from college to turn them into a team of Baseball Geniuses.

I have chosen the Protagonist vs Antagonist

[Michael Collado]

Thanks, Christopher. I appreciate your comment. I like your concept, too, and I can’t wait to see how things develop.