[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s Query Letter Draft ONE
I learned that reviewing another’s Query letter can help me become a better query writer.

Can Ken and Eli save “Wawasee,” their small lakeside community from Al Capone’s influence while navigating the hidden secrets of their own families’ pasts.

Two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone's hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Michael grew up in the real-life small lakeside town of Syracuse where he made his own exploration of the mysteries of lake “Wawasee.”

Contact:
Michael L Harris
MichaelHarrisActor@gmail.com
Michael Harris’s Query Letter Draft TWO
I learned that reviewing another’s Query letter can help me become a better query writer.

Chances are you didn’t spend your summer vacation uncovering Al Capone’s influence in your small hometown, but that’s exactly what Ken in Eli do in “Wawasee,” a 1 – hour, Coming of Age /Action Adventure TV series.

Ken and Eli, two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone’s hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Michael grew up in the real-life small lakeside town of Syracuse where he made his own exploration of the mysteries of lake “Wawasee.”

Contact:
Michael L Harris
MichaelHarrisActor@gmail.com

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael HARRIS.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s Target Market
I learned that finding prospective Producers is doable and a fairly simple task when you employee the right techniques.

Movies, Similar in Genre and Budget
“Those Who Wish Me Dead” $3M
“The Witch” $4M
“Talk to Me” (2022) $4.5M
“The Taking of Deborah Logan” $1.5M
“The Belko Experiment” $5M

Actors for Major Roles:
Elise:
Emma Watson
Emily Osmet
Emma Rose Russell
Meghan Markle
Kelly Clarkson
Drew Barrymore

Kevin:
LaKeith Stanfield
Timothee Chalamet
Kid Cudi
Michael B Jordan

Dr. Whitcombe
Johnny Depp
Billy Mumy
Johnny Whitaker

Simon
Ibrahim Uae
Ivanhoe

List of Executive Producers
Kid Cudi; Dennis Cummings; Karina Manashit; Amanda Mescudi; Ashley Levinson; Daria Cercek; Adam Davids; Kathryn Dean; Brenda Gilbert; Andria Spring; Steven Thibault; Sam Levinson; Kevin Turen; Peter Phok; Jay Van Hoy; Philip Westgren; Thomas Benski; John Dummett; Noah Dummett; Kristina Ceyton; Jean- Luc De Fabti

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Title: Michael Harris’s Phone Pitch

What I learned in this lesson is that a well-constructed and to the point phone pitch can get a script request.

Using great title and credibility

Hello, my name is Michael Harris and I have a thriller titled, “Simon Sees,” based on the novel by best-selling author Othello Bach and I have the rights.
It’s the story of a 6-year-old clairvoyant who finds his father, who is running an illegal organ farm to keep his “dead” twin brother alive.

It’s in the $1 to $5 million dollar range, $15 to $30 with my preferred cast.

Emma Watson as the female lead; LaKeith Stanfield (Haunted Mansion) or Timothee Chalamet as her love interest Kevin; Johnny Depp or Bill Mumy, as the villain, Dr. Whitcombe.

99 pages

A few other independent producers.

I’m coming to your company today because I believe our visions align. I liked xyz film because it told a story beyond the genre which is my goal with Simon Sees. I think we could enjoy a great partnership.

How does it end: Long Version:
Simon & Elise escape from the catacombs under Dr. Whitcombe’s nursing facility, “Tommy’s Hope,” discovering along the way it is an organ farm. When they find the real Tommy, long-presumed dead alive they realize the organ farm exists to keep him alive. Tommy creates a distraction allowing Simon and Elise to escape. Tommy dies, Whitcombe is a broken man and Simon and Elise adopt one another.

Short version:
Simon and Elise uncover an organ farm under Dr. Whitcombe’s facility.
Tommy sacrifices himself, allowing Simon and Elise to escape and adopt each other.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned today is that a short concise pitch presented in the way producer’s think will get you through doors that otherwise will remain closed.

Hello, I’m Michael Harris and I’m a produced screenwriter, with a one-hour, Coming of Age/ Action-Adventure TV series titled, “Wawasee.” It’s the story of how two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone’s hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

It’s in the low-budget range of $2-5 Million.

Talent:
Eli and Ken -new talent
Josiah Lilly – Timothee Chalamet / Robert Pattison
Lily Marie Lilly – Saoirse Ronan /Anya Taylor Joy
Sheldon Harkless – Ethan Hawke
Byron Connelly – Sam Elliott

Wawasee – Season 1: A Five-Act Structure
Act 1: Setting the Stage
Eli and Ken’s fierce rivalry transforms into a precarious alliance as they uncover a cryptic map, plunging them into a perilous conspiracy tied to the mob.
Act 2: Complications and Confrontations
The boys delve deeper into Capone's shadowy operations, battling internal and external demons, and confronting dark secrets about their own families.
Act 3: Rising Action
Separated and tested to their limits, Eli and Ken reunite with renewed determination, preparing for a bold strike against the syndicate, only to be ambushed by an unforeseen threat.
Act 4: Climax
In the midst of a raging storm, the boys infiltrate Capone's casino, uncovering hidden passages and enigmatic allies, as the stakes skyrocket.
Act 5: Resolution and Future Challenges
Eli and Ken, now seasoned by their trials, launch a daring final assault on Capone’s empire, but new revelations hint at even greater dangers ahead.

Set-up: Eli and Ken's intense rivalry over Lake Wawasee turns into a dangerous alliance when they stumble upon a cryptic map linked to the mob.
Payoff: Their daring journey to uncover the truth culminates in a high-stakes confrontation with Capone's syndicate, only to reveal even deeper threats on the horizon.

Credibility: Over a two years period, I conducted nearly 100 hours of interviews with a key figure from the Capone era, and for the past 40 years, I've delved deeply into the rich history of Lake Wawasee.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Can Ken and Eli save “Wawasee,” their small lakeside community from Al Capone’s influence while navigating the hidden secrets of their own families’ pasts.

Two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone's hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Michael grew up in the real-life small lakeside town of Syracuse where he made his own exploration of the mysteries of lake “Wawasee.”

Contact:
Michael L Harris
MichaelHarrisActor@gmail.com
574-903-1701

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned during this assignment is that attracting a potential producer is more easily accomplished through interesting hooks that are salable than through telling them the story.

High Concept: Two boys from different worlds unite to uncover Al Capone's hidden empire in their lakeside town during the Great Depression, facing danger and forging an unbreakable bond.

Elevator Pitch:
Against economic hardship, two boys uncover a web of Capone's deceit, uniting to save their families and lakeside community.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this lesson is that hooks can make my pitch letter compelling.

Title: “Wawasee”
Genre: Coming-of-Age / Action-Adventure

Setting: Set during the Great Depression in the lakeside town of Syracuse, Indiana, “Wawasee” explores the lives of its townsfolk caught between economic hardship and the corrupting influence of Al Capone’s empire. The story uses Lake Wawasee as both a setting and a metaphor for the characters’ journeys.

Plot: In the midst of the Great Depression, 12-year-old Ken Harkless, a spirited local boy grappling with the loss of his mother and the absence of his father, crosses paths with Eli Lilly, a wealthy lakeside heir with a rebellious streak and a deep interest in archaeology. Their initial rivalry, sparked by a boat incident, sets the stage for a transformative alliance as they uncover a cryptic map that draws them into the heart of their town’s dark secrets.

As Ken and Eli delve into the mysteries surrounding Lake Wawasee, they uncover Al Capone’s covert operations, revealing hidden histories and the town’s connection to the notorious gangster. Their investigation deepens when Eli discovers a mysterious buoy, unraveling family secrets and attracting dangerous attention. Guided by Byron Connolly, the town’s grocer and a retired military man with a hidden past of wartime experiences and PTSD, the boys navigate moral complexities and hidden dangers.

Their journey is further complicated by significant betrayals and emotional dilemmas. Josiah K. Lilly, Eli’s father and a pharmaceutical CEO, harbors secret ties to Capone, while Lily Marie Ridgely Lilly, Eli’s mother, leads a double life as a socialite and manipulator within Capone’s ranks. These revelations challenge Ken and Eli’s resolve as they struggle to reconcile their personal histories with their quest for justice.

Ken and Eli uncover evidence of Prohibition-era smuggling beneath the lake’s surface, they expose the town’s dark history and its role in the smuggling chain, symbolizing the broader fight against corruption and crime.

Themes: “Wawasee” weaves a rich tapestry of friendship, betrayal, and the relentless pursuit of justice. It challenges its young heroes to reconcile their pasts with their moral convictions, confronting looming threats and forging a path toward a brighter future.

Conclusion: In a climactic showdown at a lakeside casino, Ken and Eli face the final hurdles in their battle against Capone’s empire, uncovering deeper layers of mob influence and setting the stage for future challenges. As the town’s secrets are brought to light, “Wawasee” delivers a powerful story of adventure and drama, reflecting the dynamic interplay between preservation and progress, and the enduring spirit of community in the face of adversity.

“Wawasee” offers a unique blend of historical intrigue, emotional depth, and action-packed adventure that promises to captivate audiences and leave a lasting impact.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned today is that it is vital to design your pitch t o easily captivate your audience by telling the most interesting things about your series.
Enticing Questions for “Wawasee” Pitch Bible
A. Unique Aspects of Villain and Hero
• How will Ken Harkless, a spirited 12-year-old grappling with grief, and Eli Lilly, a rebellious heir with mob ties, overcome their differences to take on the notorious Al Capone?
B. Major Hook of the Opening Scene
• What secrets lie in the cryptic map that Ken and Eli discover after their dramatic rivalry, and how will this set them on a collision course with Capone’s operations?
C. Turning Points
• How does Eli’s discovery of a mysterious buoy deepen his bond with Ken and entangle them in family secrets and dangerous attention? What explosive revelations will come to light during their showdown at the casino after the storm?
D. Emotional Dilemma
• How will Ken navigate the emotional turmoil of his mother’s death and father’s absence? Can Eli reconcile his loyalty to his family with his burgeoning friendship with Ken?
E. Major Twists
• What hidden truths about Byron Connolly’s wartime past will be revealed, and how will Eli’s decision to choose friendship over family ties shake the foundation of their quest?
F. Reversals
• What unforeseen challenges arise when a police raid disrupts Ken and Eli’s mission? How will their reunion and renewed purpose change the course of their battle against the mob?
G. Character Betrayals
• How will Josiah K. Lilly’s secret ties to Capone and Lily Marie Ridgely Lilly’s dual life as a socialite and manipulator impact the town and the young heroes; quest for justice?
H. Big Surprises
• What shocking revelations about Byron Connolly’s wartime experiences will surface, and how will the discovery of smuggling evidence change the fight against local crime?

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today is that one need to know the general needs of producers and managers and then the specific needs of the producer or manager you approach and target your pitch to meet those needs.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I will present the marketable concept and key factors that fit the producer’s genre, budget range and distribution sources needs.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I will share multiple high concept projects showing I am a sustainable writer, be willing to prove my desire to be cooperative, and to do much of my own marketing.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that great marketing components are the basis of a pitchable and saleable project.

1. Unique: Combination of historical setting, coming-of-age, and conspiracy thriller.

2. Great Title: “Wawasee”, is an intriguing and unique title that reflects the series’ rich historical setting, core themes of hidden histories and mysteries, and the significant role of the location in the narrative.

3. True: Grounded in historical reality with figures like Al Capone and the depiction of the Great Depression.

4. Timely: Resonates with current themes of truth-seeking and fighting corruption.

5. It’s a First: Fresh blend of genres and themes.

6. Ultimate: Aiming to be the definitive historical adventure series for younger audiences.

7. Wide Audience Appeal: Mix of adventure, historical intrigue, and coming-of-age themes.

8. Similarity to Box-Office Success: Comparable to “Stranger Things” and “Indiana Jones.”

9. A Great Role for a Bankable Actor: Byron Connolly and Lily Marie Ridgely Lilly roles provide opportunities for established actors to bring depth and star power.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Project and Market
“What I learned today is that the key to making a successful deal is knowing your market and presenting the right person with a pitch that excites them because it gives them a way to sell your project.

Genre: Coming of Age / Action – Adventure

Title: WAWASEE

Concept: Amidst the Great Depression, a town boy, and a lakeside heir bond, unraveling mysteries and exposing Capone's covert operations, forging an alliance against sinister secrets.

2. The most attractive parts of this story are its rich historical setting, multi-layered characters, complex and engaging plot, and universal themes of friendship and justice.

3. I will first target producers, or actor’s production companies — because I not only want to sell the project but also be a part of the producing team.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Hello Everyone, it’s Michael Harris, Actor-Filmmaker. Over the last two years I have taken several of Hal’s classes, including the BW TV Series class with AI, the Thriller class with AI and several marketing classes.
I am currently in development on a feature titled, “Simon Sees” would love your feedback on my Proof of Concept trailer for the project which is posted on my LinkedIN profile “MichaelHarrisActor”.
I have produced over a dozen short films and one feature, on many of which I have been he screenwriter. I also have a feature “producer” credit.
2. How many scripts you’ve written? Over a dozen
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to have a better understanding about the screenplay marketing process and develop a high quality pitch that will help me form production partnerships with power players.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I grew up in a funeral home.

[Michael HARRIS]

I, Michael L Harris, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is that using AI in the creation of characters can provide you with additional character ideas you didn’t have before and condense your character descriptions to their core essence, making them much easier to be read and understood.

Series Title: WAWASEE

Genre: Action Adventure / Coming of Age

Story Concept: Against the scenic backdrop of 1920’s Lake Wawasee, Ken and Eli forge an unlikely friendship bridging class divides, and discovering family secrets, and archaeological treasures while confronting Al Capone’s criminal influence.

Eli Lilly:

<ul type=”disc”>
1. Wealthy
   archaeology enthusiast torn between small-town life and wealth.
2. Secret:
   Discovers hidden archaeological treasures while confronting the Capone
   syndicate at the lake.

2. Ken Harkless:

<ul type=”disc”>
2. Mischievous
   town boy with a longing for adventure.
3. Secret:
   Unearths family ties to the Spink, navigating loss with his mechanic
   father.

3. Lilly Maria Ridgely
   Lilly:

<ul type=”disc”>
3. Fashion
   designer and socialite.
4. Secret:
   Balances her passion for entertaining guests with maintaining social
   standing.

4. Josiah K. Lilly:

<ul type=”disc”>
4. Wealthy
   businessman commuting to Lake Wawasee every weekend.
5. Secret:
   Balances business responsibilities with his desire for family time at the
   lake.

5. Sheldon Harkless:

<ul type=”disc”>
5. Religious
   mechanic mourning his wife’s death.
6. Secret: Builds
   a cutting-edge car and grapples with mourning, sometimes at the expense
   of connecting with Sheldon.

Connected Characters:

1. Byron Connolly:

<ul type=”disc”>
1. Byron runs the
   local general store, selling a variety of goods. He has an extensive
   collection of early photographs of the area.

2. Lailah Connelly:

<ul type=”disc”>
2. Lailah is a
   local dressmaker with a shop above Byron’s store. She is Byron’s mother
   and the true designer behind Lilly’s collection.

3. Fletcher March:

<ul type=”disc”>
3. Fletcher, a
   local artist with a gallery, discovered a map of ancient Native American
   sites hidden in one of his art pieces.

4. Colonel March:

<ul type=”disc”>
4. Colonel March
   is a retired military man and Fletcher’s father.

5. Edgar Spink:

<ul type=”disc”>
5. Edgar is the
   manager and assumed owner of the Spink hotel.

6. Al Capone:

<ul type=”disc”>
6. Al Capone is a
   famous gangster, and his syndicate operates the casino at the Spink. His
   criminal network extends across many cities and resort towns in Indiana,
   Michigan, and Wisconsin.

7. Betty Jarrett:

<ul type=”disc”>
7. Betty runs
   Buttermilk Pointe, an amusement establishment, and the popular spot for a
   cool glass of milk at the far end of the lake, easily accessible by water
   for tourists on daily lake tours.

Environment al Characters:

1. Milford Junction Interurban Conductor:

· Operates the interurban train from Indianapolis to Milford Junction, a crucial link for weekend commuters like Josiah K. Lilly.

2. B&O Train Engineer:

· Drives the B&O train from Milford Junction to Lake Wawasee, transporting weekend visitors and locals alike.

3. Church of God Pastor:

· Leads the local church attended by Ken Harkless and his father, providing spiritual guidance to the community.

4. School Teacher in Indianapolis:

· Educates Eli Lilly in Indianapolis during the school year, shaping his worldview and experiences.

5. Lake Wawasee Tour Boat Captain:

· Guides tourists on daily lake tours, stopping at scenic spots like Buttermilk Pointe.

6. Local Fisherman:

· Casts nets and lines into Lake Wawasee, providing fresh catches to the local community.

7. Syracuse General Store Clerk:

· Assists customers with purchases at Byron Connolly’s general store.

8. Milford Junction Ticket Agent:

· Sells tickets for the interurban train, managing the influx of weekend travelers.

9. Spink Hotel Staff:

· Includes housekeepers, bellhops, and kitchen staff ensuring the smooth operation of the hotel.

10. Local Farmer:

· Tends to crops and livestock, supplying fresh produce to the general store.

11. Casino Goers (from Chicago and Indianapolis):

· Visitors seeking entertainment at the Spink casino, adding an air of excitement to Lake Wawasee.

12. Town Folk:

· Everyday residents of Syracuse, contributing to the local atmosphere and daily life in the community.

13. Syndicate People:

· Members of Al Capone’s criminal organization, operating behind the scenes in Lake Wawasee.

14. Lakers:

· Enthusiasts and regulars of Lake Wawasee, forming a close-knit community with a deep connection to the lake.

15. Environmental Studies Team from Purdue:

· Researchers studying the ecological aspects of Lake Wawasee, observing its flora and fauna.

16. Archaeological Team from an Out-of-town Museum:

· Experts exploring the historical and archaeological significance of Lake Wawasee, unearthing its hidden secrets.

Top of Form

[Michael HARRIS]

What I learned: The strongest BW concepts, while often reacted to differently by different audiences are BW because they present an interesting hook with intriguing characters who often mirror something within ourselves, something that we identify with and often it is the part of ourselves we struggle with.

WEDNESDAY

Big Hook: The Addams Family is well known multi-generationally. Based on the popular 1960’s series and later iteration audiences of nearly any age find a part of it that is both familiar and new. By elevating Wednesday’s character to the lead we are presented with a unique angle on known characters and a strong young woman coming into her own. Created by Tim Burton.

Intriguing Characters:

Wednesday:

* Known by audiences in a general sense

* This series explores the world directly from her POV

* A strong young woman with an unusual world view coming of age

* Misunderstood even by a world which should but does not understand or accept her.

* Skilled musician and writer

* Mastermind of the Macabre

* Defender of her brother because, “No one gets to torture [him} except me.”

* Dash of Elphaba

* Also shades of “Legally Blonde”

Enid:

* Impotent werewolf

* Loves color contrasting to Wednesday black and white.

* School gossip

* Healthy dash of Glenda

Tyler:

* Normal, even mousy but has strong principles

* Domineering Father

* Willing to help an outcast

* Willing to stand up

Principal Weems:

* Peculiar

* Morticia’s high school roommate

* In a contest of wits with Wednesday

* Has a secret

Dorm Mom Thornhill

* Pleasant with targeted remarks

* Raises plants to match girls personalities

Morticia

* It’s Catharine Zeta-Jones

* Motherly in a macabre manner

* Patiently manipulative

* Has a plan

Gomez

* Mismatched lover

* Adores Morticia

* A man who can allow a woman to lead and still remain strong

* A planner

It

* Comic

* Expressive

* Recognizes dominance

* Sneaky

Empathy / Distress

· We understand bullying. And the desire for revenge.

· Haven’t we all wanted to throw piranha in a pool with someone who could us a good nipping?

· Real emotions if overkill in execution

· Dissident relationship with a parent

· Dissidence from other students

· At odds with the social norm and what is expected of us

· We see a brief glimpse into a softer side of her. Pugley’s revenge and music.

Likeability

We like her honesty, her fearlessness and her inventiveness.

Layers and open loops

What will she do next

Will she stay / will she escape

Do she and Tyler have a future

Will her mother be proven right… is this the place for her to find herself.

Who is murdering people and why

Will she and her roommate connect.

Comic relief in her dialogue

Inviting Obsession

The story is unresolved.

Wednesday’s emotions as expressed in the music need expression that we want to witness.

What will she do next.

[Michael HARRIS]

1. Michael L Harris

2. I’ve written 12 shorts, a couple of online shows for YouTube, and adapted 3 novels for the screen.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? A better understanding of how to create BW series from several ideas I already have as well as how to generate new ones more efficiently and especially marketable concepts.

4. Something unique about me? I grew up in a funeral home.

5. I’ve been in or am in: Thriller Class with AI, WIM, Creating Characters for Actors, AI Marketing classes.

[Michael HARRIS]

1. Michael Harris

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Thriller Map version 1

Sorry for the delay. Is there anyone still checking this class that is willing to exchange feedback with me. Thanks.

INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING

A young boy, 6-year old Simon Daniels, tosses and turns in a makeshift bed behind the sofa. The corner of a small box holds a small flashlight, half stick of gum and a filigreed button.

DREAM SEQUENCE

A child in a car seat, a woman hands him a flashlight clicking it several times and then steps out of the car, smiling tenuously at the child. The sound of something hard hitting an object, like a pumpkin, or a head… A man stands in front of a building a welcoming smile plastered across his face.

A casket with a woman’s body, a button drops on the floor of a cathedral and bounces down a step. A woman’s face. She cries. A middle aged man and woman argue, a knife comes down repeatedly on the man’s back.

INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING – CONTINUOUS

Simon startles awake with the image of the knife coming down on its victim. As he opens them we see he’s eyes have a weird lavender glow about them. He stuffs the gum, flashlight and button into his pocket (they are the same objects as in his dreams) and heads for the kitchen.

INT. MALBREE KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING

A middle aged couple, MA And PA MALBREE exchange insults, she is livid. She picks up a knife as the argument continues, eventually driving it into the table near PA to emphasize her point, including a threat to do him in.

Simon ruffles through the cupboard for a cereal box. He starts to pour cereal into a bowel then rapidly ducks barely missing a flying plate from connecting with his head. A demonstration of MA’s wrath. She tells him to “git” and not to come home ‘til dark.

Simon bolts for the door swiping a cell phone on the way out.

EXT. PATH ALONG BADGER CREEK – DAY

Simon uses the stolen cell phone to call Gloria, his caseworker. He tells her Mrs. Malbree plans to kill Mr. Malbree. She instructs him to be at the house at noon. Simon protests. “But she said not to come back until dark.” Gloria reiterates, “noon.”

He soon comes to a road and begins to cross. A car screeches to a halt. The cell phone flies from his hands, lands teetering momentarily on the edge of the bridge and then falls into the water, Gloria’s voice emanating from it as it falls.

Inside the car papers fly. A picture of a young girl, a foster child, lands on the floor of the car.

An attractive young woman, ELISE MORRIS, 32, a grade school teacher, pulls herself together, opens the window and asks if Simon is okay.

He runs across the road, glances back briefly and disappears into the woods on the other side.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY

Elise pulls into the cemetery, gets out of the car and walks carefully toward a grave, her mother’s. She stands talking to the grave, momentarily closing her eyes.

Opening them slowly she is startled by the same young boy standing in front of her. The moment she opens her eyes he thrusts his hand in her direction.

Recoiling she falls backward onto a bench. Simon opens his hand and once again extends it palm up toward Elise. An unusual filigreed button rests in the center of his hand. Elise opens hers and he deposits the button.

Elise tries to find out more about Simon but having accomplished his mission, he turns and runs back into the woods.

The button makes Elise uncomfortable and she stffs it in her pocket.

INT. THE BADGER’S DEN CAFE – EVENING

Elise enters hurriedly. She’s late. Her eyes search the room and finally fall on KEVIN ANDERSON, a good-looking black real estate broker, mid-30’s in a stylish business suit. Their eyes meet, his twinkle with anticipation, as she rushes over to his table.

A young WAITER on the side of the room waits impatiently for a sign. It doesn’t come. KEVIN and ELISE engage in small-talk, she’s sorry for being late.

They both have something they want to tell each other. Thinking the time is right, Kevin begins, the waiter starts toward the table with two glasses of wine. One with a sparkling engagement ring gently swaying in the bottom.

As Kevin is about to propose Elise thoughtlessly announces she is getting a foster child tomorrow. A girl. It happened so fast she hadn’t had time to tell Kevin.

The waiter arrives with the glass of champaign. Oops!

Kevin, taken aback isn’t sure he wants to share her, he tells her of all the baggage foster children bring.

Elise more forceful than normal lets him know that there is a hole in her life that only a foster child can fill and that that is a priority for her now. Marriage is not.

With Kevin’s negativity having affected Elise deeply she gets up and announces she has to go prepare for tomorrow.

Kevin is left with the ring which ominously hovers at the bottom of the glass. He drinks it down and fishes the ring out.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Elise puts the finishing touches on “Celeste’s” room. Including a doll and a homemade bunny puppet. Feeling the button in her pocket she deposits it in the trash. The doorbell rings.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS

At the door, Elise greets Gloria, a black DCF caseworker. There has been a change in plans. An emergency placement. Simon.

There is an uncomfortable meeting in the Livingroom as Simon and Elise avoid telling Gloria of their earlier meeting.

Gloria confides that while Simon is a “good boy” he has been removed from numerous foster homes because of his unusual machinations.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM -DAY

Simon knows where his room is without being shown. He sits pensively on the bed.

Elise surveys Simon’s ragged clothes and determines they need to go shopping for school clothes.

INT. EDDIE BADGER MALL – DAY

Elise and Simon roam a department store. Elise picking up shirts and pants, asking for his approval, holding them up for size. Simon is disinterested but shows a keen interest in every man they pass.

In the shoe department, several strewn pairs show the difficulty Elise is having in finding a match for Simon. Simon spots a package of batteries and asks Elise to buy them. She tells him they aren’t needed for the light up shoes he indicates he wants. Elise makes him put the batteries back but he stuffs them in his pocket while her head is turned.

INT. MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY

Simon and Elise sit at a table eating. Several large televisions screens around the room blaze with different programing. On one a TV newscaster interviews a middle-aged MAN, DR. WHITCOMBE standing in front of a large ancient looking building. A sign identifies the building as “Tommy’s Hope,” a nursing facility. While there is no sound Simon immediately recognizes the man and the building from his dream.

Elise obliviously tries to carry on a conversation with him about what he would like to do in the remaining dog-days before school starts.

In response Simon excitedly says, drive around. What? Where? Why? He picks up his remaining drink and heads for the exit. Elise trailing.

INT. ELISE’S CAR – DAY

Simon convinces Elise to drive telling her he wants to find a man in a big building who knows what happened to his mother. As they drive Elise is still trying to convince Simon they should do something fun, like go to the park. Simon is distracted, watching for “the man” and the “big building.” Eventually Elise tires of this and insists they do something fun or go home.

In response Simon shouts, “Stop!” Elise seeing a park like area thinks Simon has finally come to his senses and wants to play. She pulls into a parking spot with Simon sliding out almost before she is stopped. He jumps from the car heading toward THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET AND LANDS IN FRONT OF AN ONCOMING CAR… AGAIN.

Elise sits Simon down for a little talk. Fearing she won’t help him Simon tells Elise of his visions and the man who knows what happened to his mother.

He convinces Elise to make the inquiry at “Tommy’s Hope.”

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY

Entering the facility Elise is struct by the youthfulness of the PATIENTS attended there. Elise tells the SECURITY OFFICER she is looking for a placement.

The officer calls NURSE HANES who explains they rarely get walk-in inquires. Most come as referrals. “You must have seen Dr. Whitcombe on the news…” they always get people coming out of the woodwork after the doctor has been on television.

Elise invents a story about needing a placement for her mother. Nurse Hanes is confused she thought the inquiry was for Simon. Tommy’s Hope only caters to a specific youthful clientele.

Hanes tells them that following the tragic death of his wife and only child, Dr. Whitcombe had left his world-renowned surgical practice and opened “Tommy’s Hope,” named for his deceased son, and dedicated his life to providing cutting-edge treatment for youngsters with severe life threatening conditions.

Nurse Hanes his called away cutting the tour short. Simon and Elise discover a picture of Nurse Hanes, Dr. Whitcombe and Simon’s mother in her office.

While exiting, the glow in Simon’s eyes returns. He breaks away, running down a hall and escaping into a stairwell.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – DAY

Elise catches up with Simon in the basement. Simon stands and stares in a half state of shock as he sees people old and young tied to stretchers and writhing in pain. It’s the state hospital as it existed under Dr. Whitcombe’s father.

Simon tries to explain to Elise the visions he is having but she’s not convinced and begins to take Kevin’s warning to heart.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – HALLWAY – DAY

By a back door a man in a lab coat, Dr. Whitcombe, early 60’s stands talking to a YOUNG DELIVERY worker. The cooler he hands the young man has some strange markings on it. Simon and Elise emerge from the basement in time to witness the handoff. Simon is suspicious, Elise is embarrassed, Whitcombe innerved that his trade-off has been witnessed.

Elise tells Whitcombe Nurse Hanes was called away, they were on their way out but Simon got lost trying to find a restroom. Whitcombe is taken back by Simon’s eyes. He offers to give them a tour. Elise embarrassed and unexplainably uneasy suggests some other time.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING

Elise and Simon sit on the sofa drinking hot chocolate, eating cookies and looking at old photos. Simon asks if Elise still has the button. Elise faulters. She says she has. Simon askes her to get it. She digs it out of the waste can in the bathroom and brings it to him. Simon asks if she recognizes it. She doesn’t. Disturbed by the question Elise tells Simon its time for his bath. Simon leaves for the bathroom. Elise shutters and curls up on the sofa. As she does she notices the button laying on top of a picture on the open album where Simon placed it.

Elise has a moment of recognition and picks up the book confirming that the button matches the ones pictured on her mother’s dress.

Elise closes the album and shutters again.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – BATHROOM – EVENING

Simon is taking a bath. Playing with toys in the large foam of soap that surrounds him. He lays back allowing the water to cover his head. As he does he sees a vision of his mother floating lifelessly in dark water. He bolts up screaming. Elise runs into the room. Simon tells her of the vision he saw. Terrified for him, she towels him off and comforts him, then sends him to bed.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING

Elise stands sipping on coffee staring uncomfortably out a large picture window and into the darkness. She notices a car parked on the other side of the street, the driver seems to be staring in her direction. As she does the car pulls out. She backs up closes the drapes and calls Kevin.

She confesses to Kevin that maybe he was right. She’s super confused about the last few days, she’s not sure she’s cut out to be a foster mother. She tells Kevin about Simon’s vision. She asks if he has ever heard of Whitcombe. He confirms that Whitcombe is a pillar of the community. A philanthropist, always giving money to charitable causes.

Kevin offers to come by, she declines but asks him to come by in the morning… she needs to think. He agrees to do some more checking into Whitcombe.

Simon overhears Elise say she’s unsure about their relationship.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Elise drinks coffee and piddles around the kitchen checking the time, and for dishes in the sink. Kevin arrives he’s excited. He has found out more about Whitcombe’s story and some of the shadier past of the hospital Whitcombe’s father ran at the Tommy’s Hope location.

He’s found a pond on the property and a shadow that looks like a car. He wants to investigate. A warrant isn’t necessary because the lake is actually on little known public land. He used to fish there as a kid.

They discover Simon is missing and head for Tommy’s Hope.

EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY

Elise and Kevin convince Simon to wait until lunch, when staff will be busy feeding the residents.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Kevin enters. He mentions a strange car across the street. Elise recalls the same last evening. Elise and Kevin are making final preparations. Kevin is meeting his former police partner to investigate the lake. Elise and Simon will wait at the house until he returns and then they can enter Tommy’s Hope through the side exit they saw Whitcombe use and see what else they can find. Kevin will call in an hour. Keep the doors locked and call if anything suspicious happens. Kevin leaves, so does the car.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- DAY

Kevin and his POLICE BUDDY enter the water in diving gear. A camera in a distant tree flashes read.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE MORNING

An hour later. Elise and Simon await eagerly for a call from Kevin. It doesn’t come. It’s close to lunch, they’ll miss their window. No mysterious cars outside. They head out.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SIDE DOOR – LUNCH

Elise and Simon enter dressed in hospital attire. They make their way quickly to the basement stairwell. A security camera flashes as they exit.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – AFTERNOON

Simon once again sees visions of former times as he enters the basement. The door to the subbasement is locked. They search for something to pry the lock with. Whitcombe and Eric his henchman enter.

Whitcombe toys with them. Takes the supplies they have brought with them including flash lights and cell phone as well as a delicious peanut butter treat.

Whitcombe has other business but locks them in the subbasement to be dealt with later.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – AFTERNOON

Elise and Simon move from room to room. Nothing notable. Then in the last room among a pile of rubble Simon sees a single earring peaking out. Elise finds a tunnel and begins chipping at it to make it bigger. They hear a sound at the end of the hall and scramble into the tunnel greeted by rats.

They bolt down the tunnel making their way to the end which appears to have no exit. Hearing a noise and seeing some faint light they discover a vent.

A boy’s voice comes from the vent. He doesn’t want another operation.

Through the vent they can see an operating room. A young boy is on the table. A tech is preparing him for surgery. A container on the counter echo’s the one Witcombe handed off earlier.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police Buddy emerge from the water chattering about the car which contained a dead body. Though deteriorated the clothes resemble those on the police report describing Debra Daniels.

Muted shots are fired from the trees and Kevin and Police Buddy collapse on the ground.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – LATE AFTERNOON

Elise and Simon escape through the vent.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS

Simon and Elise crawl out of the vent into a hallway.

The tech hears the noise in the hall and comes to the door to inquire if its doctor Whitcombe. Simon and Elise duck into an adjoining room about halfway up the stairs. Dr. Whitcombe’s private office.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- LATE AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police Buddy wake up in the trunk of their car as it is pushed by two henchmen into the lake. Kevin tries to access his cell phone hitting redial but Elise’s number just rings to voicemail. Buddy calls for backup. Kevin breaks through the backseat into the cab despite the cuffs on their wrist the two escape from the car.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – WHITCOMBE’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON

Elise urges Simon out but he is taken by the photos of Whitcombe and his family that cover the walls of his office. Elise rummages through the desk for any clues. She finds an old book with drawings of autopsies preformed by Whitcombe’s father. Simon says that he saw one of the bodies in the basement.

In a folder are recent invoices for the sale of organs. Including a half-started invoice for the operation currently underway. It’s clear Whitcombe is selling organs from his younger patients. Another folder is marked as “Simon.” In it a single yellow paper. A birth certificate. Simon’s. The familiar purple glow passes across Simon’s eyes… He’s my father, isn’t he…

Elise grabs Simon and they head up the stairs to the main floor.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – CONTINUOUS

They head for the door which is locked. Simon pulls away, despite Elise’s insistence that they need to get out, Simon says, “He’s here!” and bolts up the stairs.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – LATE AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police buddy watch as a wrecker pulls Debra Daniels car from the lake. Kevin worried about Elise steals a police car and heads for the house.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

Simon and Elise are gone. Kevin takes off for Tommy’s Hope.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – UPPER LEVEL – LATE AFTERNOON

Simon enters to find Tommy laying on a hospital bed hooked up to a series of machines. It’s clear he needs them to survive. He screams, “No… I just want to die. Please let me die.”

Simon goes closer and lays his hand on Tommy’s. There is a moment of recognition. Don’t let them…

Suddenly the door opens, Whitcombe and Eric enter. Whitcombe tells Eric to end this. He grabs Elise but Tommy thrashes disconnecting wires with buzzers going off everywhere. Providing an opportunity for Simon and Elise to escape.

EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – GOLDEN HOUR

Running outside through a side door they see a police car coming to a screeching halt in front of Tommy’s Hope. Kevin sees them in the rearview mirror and backs up rushing them into the car and safety.

A swat team arrives and sets up in front of the Victorian. Eric emerges hands in the air.

Snipers fix sights on the front door as Whitcombe attempts to emerge. Tommy’s body in hand. A piece of door casing flies as a bullet hits near Whitcombe’s head.

Suddenly Simon bolts toward Whitcombe, Elise screams hold your fire. Simon seems to swerve keeping the marksman from a clear shot.

Whitcombe stumbles out of the mansion in great emotional pain sobbing uncontrollably and falls on the ground, Tommy’s limp body sliding off of his knees.

Simon kneels in front of him. Whitcombe seems to come to, and lunges at Simon. Elise has to fend police off by saying, “He’s his father.!” Whitcombe holds Simon rocking back and forth.

The scene fades.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY

It is fall. Simon and Elise stand in front of a recently dug grave. They hold hands. Simon remarks that they are both orphans now. Elise affirms, adding I guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.

Kevin pulls up. Simon breaks away and approaches him. He tells Kevin he should propose. Kevin does and while they talk Simon breaks away.

Elise notices Simon is no longer there and looks for him. He is standing at a distance near another grave.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS

Simon has a far away look in his eyes, Elise approaches. She calls to him and as he turns we can see the familiar purple glow.

Simon’s adventures may not yet be over.

THE END

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is that while it was great to have an outline to follow in creating my map, because I had not previously cleaned it up, the clean up process took quite a while. Hence my late posting.

THRILLER MAP FOR SIMON SEES

INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING

A young boy, 6-year old Simon Daniels, tosses and turns in a

makeshift bed behind the sofa. The corner of a small box

holds a small flashlight, half stick of gum and a filigreed

button.

DREAM SEQUENCE

A child in a car seat, a woman hands him a flashlight

clicking it several times and then steps out of the car,

smiling tenuously at the child. The sound of something hard

hitting an object, like a pumpkin, or a head… A man stands

in front of a building a welcoming smile plastered across his

face.

A casket with a woman’s body, a button drops on the floor of

a cathedral and bounces down a step. A woman’s face. She

cries. A middle aged man and woman argue, a knife comes down

repeatedly on the man’s back.

INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING – CONTINUOUS

Simon startles awake with the image of the knife coming down

on its victim. As he opens them we see he’s eyes have a weird

lavender glow about them. He stuffs the gum, flashlight and

button into his pocket (they are the same objects as in his

dreams) and heads for the kitchen.

INT. MALBREE KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING

A middle aged couple, MA And PA MALBREE exchange insults, she

is livid. She picks up a knife as the argument continues,

eventually driving it into the table near PA to emphasize her

point, including a threat to do him in.

Simon ruffles through the cupboard for a cereal box. He

starts to pour cereal into a bowel then rapidly ducks barely

missing a flying plate from connecting with his head. A

demonstration of MA’s wrath. She tells him to “git” and not

to come home ‘til dark.

Simon bolts for the door swiping a cell phone on the way out.

EXT. PATH ALONG BADGER CREEK – DAY

Simon uses the stolen cell phone to call Gloria, his

caseworker. He tells her Mrs. Malbree plans to kill Mr.

Malbree. She instructs him to be at the house at noon.

2.

Simon protests. “But she said not to come back until dark.”

Gloria reiterates, “noon.”

He soon comes to a road and begins to cross. A car screeches

to a halt. The cell phone flies from his hands, lands

teetering momentarily on the edge of the bridge and then

falls into the water, Gloria’s voice emanating from it as it

falls.

Inside the car papers fly. A picture of a young girl, a

foster child, lands on the floor of the car.

An attractive young woman, ELISE MORRIS, 32, a grade school

teacher, pulls herself together, opens the window and asks if

Simon is okay.

He runs across the road, glances back briefly and disappears

into the woods on the other side.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY

Elise pulls into the cemetery, gets out of the car and walks

carefully toward a grave, her mother’s. She stands talking to

the grave, momentarily closing her eyes.

Opening them slowly she is startled by the same young boy

standing in front of her. The moment she opens her eyes he

thrusts his hand in her direction.

Recoiling she falls backward onto a bench. Simon opens his

hand and once again extends it palm up toward Elise. An

unusual filigreed button rests in the center of his hand.

Elise opens hers and he deposits the button.

Elise tries to find out more about Simon but having

accomplished his mission, he turns and runs back into the

woods.

The button makes Elise uncomfortable and she stffs it in her

pocket.

INT. THE BADGER’S DEN CAFE – EVENING

Elise enters hurriedly. She’s late. Her eyes search the room

and finally fall on KEVIN ANDERSON, a good-looking black real

estate broker, mid-30’s in a stylish business suit. Their

eyes meet, his twinkle with anticipation, as she rushes over

to his table.

3.

A young WAITER on the side of the room waits impatiently for

a sign. It doesn’t come. KEVIN and ELISE engage in smalltalk,

she’s sorry for being late.

They both have something they want to tell each other.

Thinking the time is right, Kevin begins, the waiter starts

toward the table with two glasses of wine. One with a

sparkling engagement ring gently swaying in the bottom.

As Kevin is about to propose Elise thoughtlessly announces

she is getting a foster child tomorrow. A girl. It happened

so fast she hadn’t had time to tell Kevin.

The waiter arrives with the glass of champaign. Oops!

Kevin, taken aback isn’t sure he wants to share her, he tells

her of all the baggage foster children bring.

Elise more forceful than normal lets him know that there is a

hole in her life that only a foster child can fill and that

that is a priority for her now. Marriage is not.

With Kevin’s negativity having affected Elise deeply she gets

up and announces she has to go prepare for tomorrow.

Kevin is left with the ring which ominously hovers at the

bottom of the glass. He drinks it down and fishes the ring

out.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Elise puts the finishing touches on “Celeste’s” room.

Including a doll and a homemade bunny puppet. Feeling the

button in her pocket she deposits it in the trash. The

doorbell rings.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS

At the door, Elise greets Gloria, a black DCF caseworker.

There has been a change in plans. An emergency placement.

Simon.

There is an uncomfortable meeting in the Livingroom as Simon

and Elise avoid telling Gloria of their earlier meeting.

Gloria confides that while Simon is a “good boy” he has been

removed from numerous foster homes because of his unusual

machinations.

4.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM -DAY

Simon knows where his room is without being shown. He sits

pensively on the bed.

Elise surveys Simon’s ragged clothes and determines they need

to go shopping for school clothes.

INT. EDDIE BADGER MALL – DAY

Elise and Simon roam a department store. Elise picking up

shirts and pants, asking for his approval, holding them up

for size. Simon is disinterested but shows a keen interest in

every man they pass.

In the shoe department, several strewn pairs show the

difficulty Elise is having in finding a match for Simon.

Simon spots a package of batteries and asks Elise to buy

them. She tells him they aren’t needed for the light up shoes

he indicates he wants. Elise makes him put the batteries back

but he stuffs them in his pocket while her head is turned.

INT. MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY

Simon and Elise sit at a table eating. Several large

televisions screens around the room blaze with different

programing. On one a TV newscaster interviews a middle-aged

MAN, DR. WHITCOMBE standing in front of a large ancient

looking building. A sign identifies the building as “Tommy’s

Hope,” a nursing facility. While there is no sound Simon

immediately recognizes the man and the building from his

dream.

Elise obliviously tries to carry on a conversation with him

about what he would like to do in the remaining dog-days

before school starts.

In response Simon excitedly says, drive around. What? Where?

Why? He picks up his remaining drink and heads for the exit.

Elise trailing.

INT. ELISE’S CAR – DAY

Simon convinces Elise to drive telling her he wants to find a

man in a big building who knows what happened to his mother.

As they drive Elise is still trying to convince Simon they

should do something fun, like go to the park. Simon is

distracted, watching for “the man” and the “big building.”

Eventually Elise tires of this and insists they do something

fun or go home.

5.

In response Simon shouts, “Stop!” Elise seeing a park like

area thinks Simon has finally come to his senses and wants to

play. She pulls into a parking spot with Simon sliding out

almost before she is stopped. He jumps from the car heading

toward the other side of the street and lands in front of an

oncoming car… again.

Elise sits Simon down for a little talk. Fearing she won’t

help him Simon tells Elise of his visions and the man who

knows what happened to his mother.

He convinces Elise to make the inquiry at “Tommy’s Hope.”

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY

Entering the facility Elise is struct by the youthfulness of

the PATIENTS attended there. Elise tells the SECURITY OFFICER

she is looking for a placement.

The officer calls NURSE HANES who explains they rarely get

walk-in inquires. Most come as referrals. “You must have seen

Dr. Whitcombe on the news…” they always get people coming

out of the woodwork after the doctor has been on television.

Elise invents a story about needing a placement for her

mother. Nurse Hanes is confused she thought the inquiry was

for Simon. Tommy’s Hope only caters to a specific youthful

clientele.

Hanes tells them that following the tragic death of his wife

and only child, Dr. Whitcombe had left his world-renowned

surgical practice and opened “Tommy’s Hope,” named for his

deceased son, and dedicated his life to providing cuttingedge

treatment for youngsters with severe life threatening

conditions.

Nurse Hanes his called away cutting the tour short. Simon and

Elise discover a picture of Nurse Hanes, Dr. Whitcombe and

Simon’s mother in her office.

While exiting, the glow in Simon’s eyes returns. He breaks

away, running down a hall and escaping into a stairwell.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – DAY

Elise catches up with Simon in the basement. Simon stands and

stares in a half state of shock as he sees people old and

young tied to stretchers and writhing in pain. It’s the state

hospital as it existed under Dr. Whitcombe’s father.

6.

Simon tries to explain to Elise the visions he is having but

she’s not convinced and begins to take Kevin’s warning to

heart.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – HALLWAY – DAY

By a back door a man in a lab coat, Dr. Whitcombe, early 60’s

stands talking to a YOUNG DELIVERY worker. The cooler he

hands the young man has some strange markings on it. Simon

and Elise emerge from the basement in time to witness the

handoff. Simon is suspicious, Elise is embarrassed, Whitcombe

innerved that his trade-off has been witnessed.

Elise tells Whitcombe Nurse Hanes was called away, they were

on their way out but Simon got lost trying to find a

restroom. Whitcombe is taken back by Simon’s eyes. He offers

to give them a tour. Elise embarrassed and unexplainably

uneasy suggests some other time.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING

Elise and Simon sit on the sofa drinking hot chocolate,

eating cookies and looking at old photos. Simon asks if Elise

still has the button. Elise faulters. She says she has. Simon

askes her to get it. She digs it out of the waste can in the

bathroom and brings it to him. Simon asks if she recognizes

it. She doesn’t. Disturbed by the question Elise tells Simon

its time for his bath. Simon leaves for the bathroom. Elise

shutters and curls up on the sofa. As she does she notices

the button laying on top of a picture on the open album where

Simon placed it.

Elise has a moment of recognition and picks up the book

confirming that the button matches the ones pictured on her

mother’s dress.

Elise closes the album and shutters again.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – BATHROOM – EVENING

Simon is taking a bath. Playing with toys in the large foam

of soap that surrounds him. He lays back allowing the water

to cover his head. As he does he sees a vision of his mother

floating lifelessly in dark water. He bolts up screaming.

Elise runs into the room. Simon tells her of the vision he

saw. Terrified for him, she towels him off and comforts him,

then sends him to bed.

7.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING

Elise stands sipping on coffee staring uncomfortably out a

large picture window and into the darkness. She notices a car

parked on the other side of the street, the driver seems to

be staring in her direction. As she does the car pulls out.

She backs up closes the drapes and calls Kevin.

She confesses to Kevin that maybe he was right. She’s super

confused about the last few days, she’s not sure she’s cut

out to be a foster mother. She tells Kevin about Simon’s

vision. She asks if he has ever heard of Whitcombe. He

confirms that Whitcombe is a pillar of the community. A

philanthropist, always giving money to charitable causes.

Kevin offers to come by, she declines but asks him to come by

in the morning… she needs to think. He agrees to do some

more checking into Whitcombe.

Simon overhears Elise say she’s unsure about their

relationship.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Elise drinks coffee and piddles around the kitchen checking

the time, and for dishes in the sink. Kevin arrives he’s

excited. He has found out more about Whitcombe’s story and

some of the shadier past of the hospital Whitcombe’s father

ran at the Tommy’s Hope location.

He’s found a pond on the property and a shadow that looks

like a car. He wants to investigate. A warrant isn’t

necessary because the lake is actually on little known public

land. He used to fish there as a kid.

They discover Simon is missing and head for Tommy’s Hope.

EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY

Elise and Kevin convince Simon to wait until lunch, when

staff will be busy feeding the residents.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Kevin enters. He mentions a strange car across the street.

Elise recalls the same last evening. Elise and Kevin are

making final preparations. Kevin is meeting his former police

partner to investigate the lake. Elise and Simon will wait at

the house until he returns and then they can enter Tommy’s

Hope through the side exit they saw Whitcombe use and see

what else they can find. Kevin will call in an hour.

8.

Keep the doors locked and call if anything suspicious

happens. Kevin leaves, so does the car.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- DAY

Kevin and his POLICE BUDDY enter the water in diving gear. A

camera in a distant tree flashes read.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE MORNING

An hour later. Elise and Simon await eagerly for a call from

Kevin. It doesn’t come. It’s close to lunch, they’ll miss

their window. No mysterious cars outside. They head out.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SIDE DOOR – LUNCH

Elise and Simon enter dressed in hospital attire. They make

their way quickly to the basement stairwell. A security

camera flashes as they exit.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – AFTERNOON

Simon once again sees visions of former times as he enters

the basement. The door to the subbasement is locked. They

search for something to pry the lock with. Whitcombe and Eric

his henchman enter.

Whitcombe toys with them. Takes the supplies they have

brought with them including flash lights and cell phone as

well as a delicious peanut butter treat.

Whitcombe has other business but locks them in the

subbasement to be dealt with later.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – AFTERNOON

Elise and Simon move from room to room. Nothing notable. Then

in the last room among a pile of rubble Simon sees a single

earring peaking out. Elise finds a tunnel and begins chipping

at it to make it bigger. They hear a sound at the end of the

hall and scramble into the tunnel greeted by rats.

They bolt down the tunnel making their way to the end which

appears to have no exit. Hearing a noise and seeing some

faint light they discover a vent.

A boy’s voice comes from the vent. He doesn’t want another

operation.

9.

Through the vent they can see an operating room. A young boy

is on the table. A tech is preparing him for surgery. A

container on the counter echo’s the one Witcombe handed off

earlier.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police Buddy emerge from the water chattering about

the car which contained a dead body. Though deteriorated the

clothes resemble those on the police report describing Debra

Daniels.

Muted shots are fired from the trees and Kevin and Police

Buddy collapse on the ground.

INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – LATE AFTERNOON

Elise and Simon escape through the vent.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS

Simon and Elise crawl out of the vent into a hallway.

The tech hears the noise in the hall and comes to the door to

inquire if its doctor Whitcombe. Simon and Elise duck into an

adjoining room about halfway up the stairs. Dr. Whitcombe’s

private office.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- LATE AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police Buddy wake up in the trunk of their car as

it is pushed by two henchmen into the lake. Kevin tries to

access his cell phone hitting redial but Elise’s number just

rings to voicemail. Buddy calls for backup. Kevin breaks

through the backseat into the cab despite the cuffs on their

wrist the two escape from the car.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – WHITCOMBE’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON

Elise urges Simon out but he is taken by the photos of

Whitcombe and his family that cover the walls of his office.

Elise rummages through the desk for any clues. She finds an

old book with drawings of autopsies preformed by Whitcombe’s

father. Simon says that he saw one of the bodies in the

basement.

In a folder are recent invoices for the sale of organs.

Including a half-started invoice for the operation currently

underway.

10.

It’s clear Whitcombe is selling organs from his younger

patients. Another folder is marked as “Simon.” In it a single

yellow paper. A birth certificate. Simon’s. The familiar

purple glow passes across Simon’s eyes… He’s my father,

isn’t he…

Elise grabs Simon and they head up the stairs to the main

floor.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – CONTINUOUS

They head for the door which is locked. Simon pulls away,

despite Elise’s insistence that they need to get out, Simon

says, “He’s here!” and bolts up the stairs.

EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – LATE AFTERNOON

Kevin and Police buddy watch as a wrecker pulls Debra Daniels

car from the lake. Kevin worried about Elise steals a police

car and heads for the house.

INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

Simon and Elise are gone. Kevin takes off for Tommy’s Hope.

INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – UPPER LEVEL – LATE AFTERNOON

Simon enters to find Tommy laying on a hospital bed hooked up

to a series of machines. It’s clear he needs them to survive.

He screams, “No… I just want to die. Please let me die.”

Simon goes closer and lays his hand on Tommy’s. There is a

moment of recognition. Don’t let them…

Suddenly the door opens, Whitcombe and Eric enter. Whitcombe

tells Eric to end this. He grabs Elise but Tommy thrashes

disconnecting wires with buzzers going off everywhere.

Providing an opportunity for Simon and Elise to escape.

EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – GOLDEN HOUR

Running outside through a side door they see a police car

coming to a screeching halt in front of Tommy’s Hope. Kevin

sees them in the rearview mirror and backs up rushing them

into the car and safety.

A swat team arrives and sets up in front of the Victorian.

Eric emerges hands in the air.

11.

Snipers fix sights on the front door as Whitcombe attempts to

emerge. Tommy’s body in hand. A piece of door casing flies as

a bullet hits near Whitcombe’s head.

Suddenly Simon bolts toward Whitcombe, Elise screams hold

your fire. Simon seems to swerve keeping the marksman from a

clear shot.

Whitcombe stumbles out of the mansion in great emotional pain

sobbing uncontrollably and falls on the ground, Tommy’s limp

body sliding off of his knees.

Simon kneels in front of him. Whitcombe seems to come to, and

lunges at Simon. Elise has to fend police off by saying,

“He’s his father.!” Whitcombe holds Simon rocking back and

forth.

The scene fades.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY

It is fall. Simon and Elise stand in front of a recently dug

grave. They hold hands. Simon remarks that they are both

orphans now. Elise affirms, adding I guess we’ll just have to

take care of each other.

Kevin pulls up. Simon breaks away and approaches him. He

tells Kevin he should propose. Kevin does and while they talk

Simon breaks away.

Elise notices Simon is no longer there and looks for him. He

is standing at a distance near another grave.

EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS

Simon has a far away look in his eyes, Elise approaches. She

calls to him and as he turns we can see the familiar purple

glow.

Simon’s adventures may not yet be over.

THE END

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris – Misdirects…When Appropriate!

What I learned is… that thinking about small ways to misdirect the audience and often add a new layer to the screenplay but it can also reveal new understanding to the story for the writer himself.

INTEGRATION OF MISDIRECTS INTO THRILLER MAP FOR “SIMON SEES”

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are Simon’s dreams shades of the past, visions of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Clue # 1 – Simon sees her face in a dream and then meets a stranger (Elise) in the cemetery and gives her a button.

Clue # 2 – Dr. Whitcombe’s face can be seen through the window of Debra Daniels car.

· Clue # 3 – Simon’s introductory dream. He sees his mother on the night she disappears and hears the sound of a bat hitting something, “like a pumpkin or a skull.”

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Reveal # 1 – The same button we saw lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents’ argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Reveal # 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother really follow-through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like… previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to brake-hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

· Reveal # 3 – The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· Reveal # 3 – Elise wants to foster; Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

· Clue # 4 – Elise wants a child. Kevin, “There are easier ways to get them.”

· Reveal # 4 – Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· Reveal # 5 – Turns out Simon (the boy from the cemetery) is Elise’s new foster child.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

· Clue # 5 – Simon becomes Elise’s emergency foster child.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of his mother.

· Simon sees visions. Because of this he has been rejected by other foster families.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. Trust: He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: Elise is his last hope of locating his mother.

·

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

· Reveal/Misdirect: (Cut to TV and pull out.) Simon sees “the man” Whitcombe and the building from his visions on television, the announcer is talking about Whitcombe’s many accomplishments. It’s a special news segment, playing on TV screens in the food court at the mall. Simon recognizes the man and the building (Tommy’s Hope) but Elise is too distracted thinking of what they need to do next, to notice.

· Simon tries to explain. “It’s him…. It’s the man, … segment cuts as Elise turns/

Clue # 6 – Simon convinces Elise to look for “the man”

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She helps him find the big building.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes inside with him and inquires about the man of Simon’s vision.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe, a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villain’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon & Elise show up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Reveal # 6 – The man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

· Reveal # 7 – Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

· Clue # 7 – Young nursing home patients.

· Reveal # 8 – Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Clue # 8 – Nurse Hanes shares Whitcombe’s history as a respected Surgeon.

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do, but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Reveal # 9 – The basement has many secrets. Answers to many of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and subbasements of Tommy’s Hope.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide? What are these writhing bodies Simon sees as he walks through?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

· Reveal # 10: So this is Dr. Whitcombe.

Clue # 9 – Whitcombe is handing off a mysterious red and white cooler with a strange symbol on it to a courier.

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Reveal # 11: A marking on the case that Whitcombe gives to the courier.

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even though he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

· Clue # 10 – Simon and Elise snuggle on the couch.

· Clue # 11 – She tries to understand him.

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Clue # 12: Kevin confirms Whitcombe’s legacy. (“This guy is a legit as legit comes.’ And he‘s constantly giving money to help aide people and research.” “A pillar of the community.” One of the top surgeons in the world.

· Misdirect – Skeptical of Simon’s visions and fearful he may be psychotic she phones Kevin and determines to take him to a shrink. Simon over hears and runs away.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it. (add to window scene)

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Elise/Simon: He runs away.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away. Elise pursues.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Reversal: Kevin spends half the night researching Whitcombe and finds some cracks.

· Clue # 13 – Kevin uncovers a darker legacy and a car shape in a pond on Whitcombe’s property. (Simon will be pleased, Kevin takes off he’ll call if he finds anything.) A bit of family history, his father ran the asylum where the nursing home is today. Was curing people of TB and all kind of ills tears ago, then he and his wife were killed in a car crash. “How horrible.”

Kevin He calls a buddy (doesn’t want to upset the worm cart yet) and goes to investigate. Misses Elise’s call about Simon. She calls him, but he is in the water checking the car for Simon’s mother’s body. He finds it and goes to tell Elise while forensics investigates.

Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

Reveal # 12 – There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra’s remains.

Clue # 14 – They pull up the car from the bottom of the pond.

Elise finds Simon at Tommy’s Hope. He’s going in with or without her. Run’s almost gets hit. Elise consents.

Elise and Simon get locked in the basement.

He tries to call Elise and drops his phone in the water. It won’t come back on. So he heads to Elise’s “Let me know when you conform her identity…”

Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

Simon/Elise: Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

Simon/Elise: Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions

Elise unites with Simon and they get locked in the basement.

No one is home. But Eric is watching from across the street. As he is pulling out lost in thought over what to do, his phone comes back on, and a message appears telling him there is a Voice Mail from Elise. Eric leaves and heads for “Tommy’s Hope” to inform Whitcombe. Whitcombe tells him to end this thing. He goes down the tunnel after them.

Elise and Simon hear him coming.

Kevin calls his friend, and another officer and they head to “Tommy’s hope.”

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

· Clue # 15 – A young patient being wheeled down the hall says, I don’t want another operation.

· Clue # 16- Simon and Elise go on a life and death journey together.

· Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

Reveal # 13: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret. He is charmingly sadistic.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Clue # 17 – Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble, it is his mother’s,

· Reveal # 14: Whitcombe killed Debra because she threatened to go to the police.

· mother and Whitcombe had their final confrontation here, she refused to help him, and he killed her.

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel. “To end this charade.”

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· Clue # 18 – At the end of a tunnel they find an operating room with the same patient we saw earlier being prepared for surgery.

Clue # 19 – A heart image on the monitors and a cooler like the one we saw previously on the counter with the same markings as on the one Elise and Simon saw Dr. Whitcombe pass off on their first meeting.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see a organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – They escape into Dr. Whitcombe’s private office and find papers that reveal he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

Clue # 20 – In a private office they find Simon’s birth certificate, receipts for organ sales and an article about Whitcombe’s family including a book on autopsies written by Whitcombe’s father. “That’s one of the bodies I saw.”

· Reveal # 16 – Whitcombe has been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market.

· Reveal # 17 – Simon is Dr. Whitcombe’s biological son.

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12/ Reveal # 18 – Tommy is still alive.

Clue # 121- Tommy hooked up to heart monitors in his room. When Elise and Simon enter he says he wants it to be done. “No more.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

Clue # 22 – Tommy is alive and the identical twin of Simon.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: she gets them out.

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon, who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

Clue # 23 – Elise hands the birth certificate to Kevin who exclaims, “His father?”

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon, which he accepts.

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Simon/ Elise: Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

· Misdirect…. The story is resolved they will be a happy family. Everything will be normal from now on

· Twist # 15/ Reveal # 19 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s – Gives Great Clues

What I learned is that clue chains can engage an audience and help point to future events.

List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.

What happened to Simon’s mother? Will Simon find his mother?

End Result: She was killed by Whitcombe. Yes, but she’s dead.

Clues:

· Simon’s introductory dream. He sees his mother on the night she disappears and hears the sound of a bat hitting something, “like a pumpkin or a skull.”

· Gloria’s sepal.

· Her picture in Nurse Hanes office.

· The car image in the pond on Whitcombe’s property.

· Her earring in the basement.

· They pull up the car from the bottom of the pond.

Who is Dr. Whitcome and what is his relationship to Simon / Simon’s mother?

End result: Dr. Whitcombe is a brilliant surgeon who after the death of his wife devises a way to keep his fatally injured son alive by transplanting organs from unwitting victims. Simon’s mother worked for Whitcombe. Whitcombe is Simon’s biological father.

He is “the man” in Simon’s vision.

Nurse Hanes tells us about the accident and Whitcombe’s philanthrope.

Kevin confirms his legitimacy. (This guy is legit as legit comes. He’s always donating money or appearing at some social event for charity.) He’s a legend. One of the top surgeons in the world.

A bit of family history, his father ran the asylum where the nursing home is today. Was curing people of TB and all kind of ills tears ago, then he and his wife were killed in a car crash. “How horrible.”

His personality is creepy.

He is charmingly sadistic in the subbasement.

Simon sees horrific images in the subbasement

They find an earring that once belonged to Debra Daniels.

In a private office they find Simon’s birth certificate, receipts for organ sales and an article about Whitcombe’s family including a book on autopsies written by Whitcombe’s father. “That’s one of the bodies I saw.”

Tommy is alive and the identical twin of Simon.

Elise hands the birth certificate to Kevin who exclaims, “His father?”

What is really happening at “Tommy’s Hope?”

End Result: Dr. Whitcombe is using his young patients as a ready source of organs to replace his son, Tommy’s failing organs. Hence the sadistically apt nursing home title, “Tommy’s Hope.” Surplus organ’s are sold on the black market to generate income for the facility and finance his philanthropic giving, helping him remain a well-respected and trusted member of the community.

Clues

Young nursing home patients

Whitcombe is handing off a mysterious red and white cooler with a strange symbol on it to a courier.

A young patient being wheeled down the hall says, I don’t want another operation.

At the end of a tunnel they find an operating room and a patient being prepared for surgery.

A heart image on the monitors and a cooler like the one we saw previously on the counter.

Tommy hooked up to heart monitors in his room. When Elise and Simon enter he says he wants it to be done. “No more.”

Will Simon find a place of belonging?

End result: Yes. Simon urges Kevin to marry Elise and Elise plans to adopt Simon. She has now fully accepted his gifts (visions) as real.

Clues:

Simon sees her face in a dream and then meets a stranger (Elise) in the cemetery and gives her a button.

Elise wants a child.

Simon becomes Elise’s emergency foster child

Simon convinces Elise to look for “the man”

Elise and Simon snuggle.

Elise tries to understand him.

They go on a life and death journey together.

INTEGRATION OF CLUES INTO THRILLER MAP FOR “SIMON SEES”

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Clue # 1 – Simon sees her face in a dream and then meets a stranger (Elise) in the cemetery and gives her a button.

Clue # 2 – Dr. Whitcombe’s face can be seen through the window of Debra Daniels car.

· Clue # 3 – Simon’s introductory dream. He sees his mother on the night she disappears and hears the sound of a bat hitting something, “like a pumpkin or a skull.”

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Reveal # 1 – The same button we saw lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents’ argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Reveal # 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

· Reveal # 3 – The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· Reveal # 3 – Elise wants to foster; Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

· Clue # 4 – Elise wants a child. Kevin, “There are easier ways to get them.”

· Reveal # 4 – Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· Reveal # 5 – Turns out Simon (the boy from the cemetery) is Elise’s new foster child.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

· Clue # 5 – Simon becomes Elise’s emergency foster child.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Simon sees visions. Because of this he has been rejected by other foster families .

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. Trust: He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: Elise is his last hope of locating his mother.

·

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

Clue # 6 – Simon convinces Elise to look for “the man”

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She helps him find the big building.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes inside with him and inquiries about the man of Simon’s vision.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe, a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villain’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon & Elise show up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Reveal # 6 – The man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

· Reveal # 7 – Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

· Clue # 7 – Young nursing home patients.

· Reveal # 8 – Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

· * Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Clue # 8 – Nurse Hanes shares Whitcombe’s history as a respected Surgeon.

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do, but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Reveal # 9 – The basement has many secrets. Answers to many of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and subbasements of Tommy’s Hope.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide? What are these writhing bodies Simon sees as he walks through?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

· Reveal # 10: So this is Dr. Whitcombe.

Clue # 9 – Whitcombe is handing off a mysterious red and white cooler with a strange symbol on it to a courier.

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Reveal # 11: A marking on the case that Whitcombe gives to the courier.

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even though he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

· Clue # 10 – Simon and Elise snuggle on the coach.

· Clue # 11 – She tries to understand him.

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Clue # 12: Kevin confirms Whitcombe’s legacy. (“This guy is a legit as legit comes.’ ‘s constantly giving money to help aide people and research.” “A pillar of the community.” One of the top surgeons in the world.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She doesn’t want to go back to the nursing home.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it. (add to window scene)

· Clue # 13 – Kevin uncovers a darker legacy and a car shape in a pond on Whitcombe’s property. (Simon will be pleased, Kevin takes off he’ll call if he finds anything.) A bit of family history, his father ran the asylum where the nursing home is today. Was curing people of TB and all kind of ills tears ago, then he and his wife were killed in a car crash. “How horrible.”

· Elise/Simon: He runs away.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away. Elise pursues. He’s going in with or without her. Run’s almost gets hit. Elise consents.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

· Reveal # 12 – There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra’s remains.

· Clue # 14 – They pull up the car from the bottom of the pond.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions.

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

· Clue # 15 – A young patient being wheeled down the hall says, I don’t want another operation.

· Clue # 16- Simon and Elise go on a life and death journey together.

· Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

Reveal # 13: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret . He is charmingly sadistic.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Clue # 17 – Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble, it is his mother’s,

· Reveal # 14: Whitcombe killed Debra because she threatened to go to the police.

· mother and Whitcombe had their final confrontation here, she refused to help him, and he killed her.

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel.

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· Clue # 18 – At the end of a tunnel they find an operating room with the same patient we saw earlier being prepared for surgery.

Clue # 19 – A heart image on the monitors and a cooler like the one we saw previously on the counter with the same markings as on the one Elise and Simon saw Dr. Whitcombe pass off on their first meeting.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see a organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – They escape into Dr. Whitcombe’s private office and find papers that reveal he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

Clue # 20 – In a private office they find Simon’s birth certificate, receipts for organ sales and an article about Whitcombe’s family including a book on autopsies written by Whitcombe’s father. “That’s one of the bodies I saw.”

· Reveal # 16 – Whitcombe has been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market .

· Reveal # 17 – Simon is Dr. Whitcombe’s biological son.

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12/ Reveal # 18 – Tommy is still alive.

Clue # 121- Tommy hooked up to heart monitors in his room. When Elise and Simon enter he says he wants it to be done. “No more.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

Clue # 22 – Tommy is alive and the identical twin of Simon.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: she gets them out.

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon, who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

Clue # 23 – Elise hands the birth certificate to Kevin who exclaims, “His father?”

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon, which he accepts.

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Simon/ Elise: Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

· Twist # 15/ Reveal # 19 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary .

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s – Dramatic Reveals

What I learned is that knowing your story’s reveals and working backwards from them can help you create more suspense and intrigue. This exercise really helped me understand my story even better and opened my mind to new solutions to previous problems in the construction of the story.

REVEAL 1

Mystery: Who is this boy?

Mystery 2: Are his dreams real or nightmares?

Mystery 3: What’s the button about?

Mystery 4: Who’s being killed?

Mystery 5: Who’s the woman?

Intrigue: A dropping button

Intrigue 2: A knife coming down on someone’s back.

Intrigue 3: A woman’s face through a car window. A thumping sound.

Reveal 1 – The same button as we saw in Simon’s dream lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

Reveal 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

REVEAL 2

Mystery: Why is Simon at the cemetery

Intrigue: This woman was in his dreams. Simon gives the button to her.

Reveal: The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

REVEAL 3

Mystery: Why is Elise avoiding Kevin’s proposals?

Reveal: Elise wants to foster. Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

Reveal: Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

Reveal: Turns out Simon (the boy she met at the cemetery) is her new foster child.

REVEAL 4

Reveal: Simon has visions.

Mystery: Who is the man from Simon’s vision?

Intrigue: Elise is skeptical.

Reveal: He needs her help to find the man. (Whitcombe)

REVEAL 5

Mystery: Why is the population of this nursing home special needs kids?

Intrigue: It’s run by a surgeon who lost his wife and son.

Reveal: the man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

Reveal 2: Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

Reveal 3: Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

REVEAL 6

Mystery: What secrets does the basement hold?

Intrigue: What are these dead bodies Simon is seeing? (Links to Whitcombe’s father?)(Can be explored in series.)

Reveal: Answers to some of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and sub-basement of “Tommy’s Hope.”

REVEAL 7

Mystery: What’s in the case that Dr. Whitcombe passes the courier.

Intrigue: Some sort of case is passed to a courier. The doctor seems alarmed to see Elise and Simon.

Reveal: A marking on the case

Reveal 2: This is Dr. Whitcombe.

REVEAL 8

Intrigue: Simon and Elise are locked in the subbasement.

Suspense: Eric, Whitcombe’s henchman is sent to “silence” them.

Reveal: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret.

REVEAL 9

Mystery: What is Debra Daniel’s connection to Whitcombe?

Intrigue: Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble.

Reveal: It’s Debra Daniel’s. Whitcombe killed her. Because she threatened to go to the police.

REVEAL 10

Mystery: Where is Simon’s mother? Is she really floating in water somewhere?

Intrigue: Kevin discovers a pond on Whitcombe’s property that has a mysterious black spot resembling a car.

Reveal: There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra Daniel’s remains.

Reveal: Kevin was a former police officer.

REVEAL 11

Mystery: Why are they prepping one of the nursing patients for surgery?

Intrigue: The operating room is in the basement. There is a monitor showing the patient’s beating heart. (Elise sees this throw a vent hope in the wall of the operating room before they escape through the vent on the floor of the hallway.)

Reveal: There is a cooler on the counter with the same markings as Simon and Elise saw on the cooler Whitcombe passed off at their first meeting.

Reveal: Whitcombe he’s been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market.

REVEAL 12

Mystery: What will Simon and Elise find in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

Intrigue: The office is behind a hidden panel opened by putting the lobs of the brain in correct order.

Reveal: Whitcombe is selling organs on the black market.

Reveal 2: Simon is Whitcombe’s biological son.

REVEAL 13

Mystery: Papers of the accident and Tommy’s death “City Philanthropist grieves death of wife and only son.”

Intrigue: Simon’s eyes reveal he’s seen something. “He’s here.” As he runs from the office and up the stairs, Elise in pursuit.

Reveal: Tommy is still alive. “I don’t want a new heart.”

REVEAL 14

Mystery: Why does Simon approach another grave during his mother’s funeral.

Intrigue: Simon’s eyes show he’s in vision mode.

Reveal: The visons aren’t over. His adventures will continue.

INTEGRATION OF REVEALS INTO THRILLER MAP FOR “SIMON SEES”

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Reveal # 1 – The same button we saw lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents’ argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Reveal # 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

· Reveal # 3 – The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· Reveal # 3 – Elise wants to foster; Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

· Reveal # 4 – Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· Reveal # 5 – Turns out Simon (the boy from the cemetery) is Elise’s new foster child.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Simon sees visions. Because of this he has been rejected by other foster families.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. Trust: He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: Elise is his last hope of locating his mother.

·

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent upon doing what she has planned than doing what Simon wants, even after asking him what he wants to do.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She helps him find the big building.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes inside with him and inquiries about the man of Simon’s vision.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe, a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villain’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon & Elise show up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Reveal # 6 – The man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

· Reveal # 7 – Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

· Reveal # 8 – Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do, but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Reveal # 9 – The basement has many secrets. Answers to many of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and subbasements of Tommy’s Hope.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide? What are these writhing bodies Simon sees as he walks through?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

· Reveal # 10: So this is Dr. Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Reveal # 11: A marking on the case that Whitcombe gives to the courier.

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even though he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She doesn’t want to go back to the nursing home.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it. (add to window scene)

· Elise/Simon: He runs away.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

· Reveal # 12 – There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra’s remains.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions.

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

· Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

· Reveal # 13: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Reveal # 14: Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble, it is his mother’s, Whitcombe killed her because she threatened to go to the police.

· mother and Whitcombe had their final confrontation here, she refused to help him, and he killed her.

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel.

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· Reveal # 15 – There is a cooler on the counter with the same markings as on the one Elise and Simon saw Dr. Whitcombe pass off on their first meeting.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see a organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – They escape into Dr. Whitcombe’s private office and find papers that reveal he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

· Reveal # 16 – Whitcombe has been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market.

· Reveal # 17 – Simon is Dr. Whitcombe’s biological son.

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12/ Reveal # 18 – Tommy is still alive.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: she gets them out.

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon, who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon, which he accepts.

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Simon/ Elise: Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

· Twist # 15/ Reveal # 19 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Trust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is: That by identifying Trust relationships you can add depth to your characters making the screenplay more intriguing for the audience.

1. Make a list of the main characters. And the three questions:

Hero: Simon Daniels, trustable, appears not
trustable at times because people don’t believe his visions are real.
Might switch when he finds Whitcombe killed his mother, might switch when
he finds Whitcombe is his father.
Secondary Hero: Elise Morris,
trustable but insecure, appears not trustable to Simon because she is
indecisive and non-committable about helping Simon find the man from his
visions. Might switch if convinced Simon’s visions are real, with Kevin’s
endorsement or presented with enough evidence.
Villain: Dr. Whitcombe, not
trustable, appears trustable because he has a reputation as a respected
doctor and philanthropist in the community. Might switch if he fully grasps
the understanding that Simon is also his son. And if he weren’t overcome
with grief.
Trusted, but shouldn’t be Nurse
Hanes, not trustable because she works for Whitcombe. Nurse Hanes is
generally a good person but has been dupped into going along with the good
doctor and helping cover the murder. Therefore she is not to be trusted.
Might switch if she wasn’t so deep into the lie. Or if she allowed herself
to think of her friend more, Simon’s mother.
Isn’t trusted, but should be:
Elise, Elise’s indecisiveness and lack of complete belief in Simon add to
his frustration and therefore he doesn’t feel he can trust her to help him
find “the man.”

3. Trust / Distrust Sequence.

Simon / Elise

Trust: Elise is his hope of locating his mother

Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift

Trust: She helps him find the big building.

Trust: She goes inside with him and inquiries about the man of Simon’s vision.

Distrust: She doesn’t want to go back to the nursing home.

Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions.

Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

Trust: she gets them out

Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary.

Elise /Simon

Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule

Distrust: He runs away.

Trust: She enlists Kevin to help

Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe:

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it.

(Add to window scene.)

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see an organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon, which he accepts.

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents, and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: Elise is his last hope of locating his mother.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do. (not sure why this came out in red.)

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She helps him find the big building.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes inside with him and inquiries about the man of Simon’s vision.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villain’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon & Elise show up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She doesn’t want to go back to the nursing home.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it. (add to window scene)

· Elise/Simon: He runs away.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions.

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel.

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see a organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – They escape into Dr. Whitcombe’s private office and find papers that reveal he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12 – Tommy is still alive.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: she gets them out

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon which he accepts.

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Simon/ Elise: Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

· Twist # 15 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary.

<hr align=”left” size=”1″ width=”33%”>

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

MICHAEL L HARRIS’s Twists and Turns

What I learned is that something I didn’t think were twists are and that I didn’t recognize others as being twists. I also learned that more can be added.

List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable
with.

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents, and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villian’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon shows up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – Dr. Whitcombe’s private office reveals that he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12 – Tommy is still alive.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Twist # 15 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

[Michael HARRIS]

MICHAEL L HARRIS’s Thriller Plot

What I learned is: as I read through what I had written and added new sections and information, additional insights came to me. Plotting out your thriller will lead to additional insights and make the eventual writing process much easier.

List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable
with:

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents, and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villian’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villian’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villian’s Plan # 5 – When Simon shows up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

Turning Point 2: They get to close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

· Villian’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Villian’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

· Villian’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

· Villian’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Life-Threatening Sequence

What I learned is: It is easy to miss opportunities to increase suspense by focusing solely on the main threat and not considering the sequence of threats that can accompany it.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

The villain, Dr. Whitcombe’s plan is to keep his son alive by any means necessary, including murder. When Simon gets to close to uncovering the real operation behind the nursing home façade, Whitcombe is willing to kill him.

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try
to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for
this story.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did
for Basic Instinct above:

a. The danger of alienating his new foster mother and her boyfriend.

b. The threat of being watched.

c. Direct treats for Dr. Whitcombe

d. The threat of physical violence from Whitcombe’s enforcer.

e. The threat of being trapped in a sub-basement and worrying about your fate.

f. The sense of ill-ease generated by the things he sees in vision while confined.

g. The threat of collapsing walls, rats and being caught while trying to escape.

h. The danger that he has placed his foster mother in.

i. The unknown

j. The discovery of his identity.

k. The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, and others are in danger but there is nothing he can do to help them.

l. The threat posed by discovering Whitcombe’s son is alive.

m. The reality of death before his eyes

n. The threat posed by the weapons he must avoid to save the villain

o. The threat of rejection and the thought of being alone.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s – Mystery Sequence

What I learned is that mapping your mysteries can help you better understand your story and define its direction.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

That he is using the young patients in his nursing home as a ready source of organ replacements for his rapidly failing son (who is already thought to be dead.)

How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the
mysteries.
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one.

Mystery #1: What happened to Simon’s mother? And did “the man” of Simon’s visions play a role in her disappearance?

a. Simon’s mother disappeared one night two years ago when she went to see her employer.

b. Simon was in the car with her the night she was killed. He remembers voices and noises from that night and occasionally a bit of memory will surface but he can’t see faces clearly.

c. Simon went to live in a series of foster homes but has been misunderstood because of his visions.

d. Simon has recently seen a vision of the man who knows what happened to his mother the nigh she disappeared.

e. Simon determines to find the man and tries to enlist his new foster mother, Elise’s help.

f. Elise is skeptical at first but reluctantly agrees to help look for the man. While driving Simon sees the building where he “sees” the man.

g. Elise and Simon tour Dr. Whitcombe’s facility under false pretenses.

h. Simon sees a picture of his mother in the nurse’s office.

i. Simon and Elise find a secret basement where Simon sees horrific visions of the past.

j. They meet Whitcombe who offers to give them a private tour.

k. Elise’s boyfriend Kevin discovers clues about Whitcombe. Eventually going to investigate them while,

l. Simon and Elise return covertly to the nursing facility, are caught and are locked in a subbasement where Simon sees the night his mother was killed. They must find a way out to save their lives.

m. While searching for a way out, they discover more secrets about Whitcombe and his operation.

n. They meet Tommy, Whitcombe’s presumed dead son.

o. Kevin finds Simon’s mother’s car and this mother’s remains, in a lake on the Whitcombe property.

p. They run for their lives and Whitcombe is arrested.

q. Simon’s mother is laid to rest, mystery solved.

Mystery #2: Does Simon really see visions? Or are these the fantasies of a young boy to garner attention.

a. Simon meets Elise in the cemetery and gives her a button… “She wants you to have it.”

b. Simon is removed from his foster home when he calls his case worker telling her that his current foster mother is going to kill her husband. (Mr. Malbree)

c. The caseworker places Simon in Elise’s home as an emergency placement. Elise still thinks she will be getting a girl when the emergency is over.

d. The case worker confides in Elise that Simon’s foster relationship has been rocky because of his claimed visons. Including his “vision” of his Mr. Malbree’s death… but he is still alive.

e. Simon confides his vision about the Man who knows what happened to his mother.

f. Elise’s boyfriend warns her about the baggage inherent in foster children.

g. To foster the relationship Elise agrees to pursue the man only to find a well-respected surgeon.

h. Elise remains skeptical of Simon’s gifts but after the morning paper arrives with a notice of Malbree’s murder, she gives Simon another chance to explain his “gifts.”

i. Elise is still conflicted. Simon runs away in pursuit of the man. His visions lead them through a near brush with death to Whitcombe’s secrets.

j. While Kevin discovers Debra Daniels body.

k. Elise now accepts Simon’s gifts are real.

l. In the closing scene Elise recognizes the visionary glint in Simon’s eyes and the possibly that this may not be a one-time experience for she and her new “son.”

Mystery #3: What will Simon find out about “the man” of his visions? When he finds him? What are his secrets?

a. Simon sees the man in vision.

b. He convinced Elise to help find him.

c. Simon sees a picture of his mother in Whitcombe’s nurses’ office.

d. Simon and Elise find a subbasement where visions of the facility’s past are revealed.

e. Kevin’s research reveals that Whitcombe is a highly respected surgeon and a world leader in organ transplants.

f. Simon and Elise witness an organ sale though they don’t recognize it as such at the time.

g. Simon and Elise get too close to the truth and are locked in a subbasement where Simon sees the events of his mother’s last hours.

h. While escaping they find a secret room that reveals secrets about Whitcombe’s and Simon’s relationship to him.

i. They hear a conversation with a young patient who is about to undergo his “last” surgery.

j. They find Tommy, Whitcombe’s long presumed dead son.

k. They find that Whitcombe is willing to kill one child to save another.

Mystery #4: What is Simon’s Relationship to Dr. Whitcombe?

a. Simon’s mother worked for Dr. Whitcombe soon after graduating from nursing school. She was young, without family and struggling.

b. Whitcombe’s wife was unable to have children.

c. Whitcombe and Daniels made an arrangement whereby Whitcombe took one of Debra’s twins, Tommy.

d. After the Whitcombe family was in an accident Whitcombe arranged to meet Debra proposing a transplant from Simon to Tommy, who was about to die.

e. Debra refused and threatened to expose Whitcombe, and he killed her.

f. Simon was bounced from foster home to foster home until he met Elise and convinces her to help him find “the man’ in his visions (Dr. Whitcombe.)

g. Simon sees Whitcombe on TV while shopping at the mall and gets a glimpse of his facility though not enough to identify the location. Elise, who is more concerned with new clothes and lunch, misses it.

h. Simon also has a vision of the building; at the end of a long search they find it.

i. Meeting with Whitcombe’s nurse Simon sees a picture of the nurse and Dr. Whitcombe with his mother.

j. Escaping from the basement they find Dr. Whitcombe’s private office where Simon finds a copy of his birth certificate showing that Whitcombe is his father.

k. Simon has a vision of Tommy and bolts upstairs to find he is Simon’s identical twin.

l. Whitcombe discovers them in Tommy’s room and is willing to kill one son to preserve the other.

m. At the death of Tommy Whitcombe is overcome with sorrow and reaches out to Simon.

n. Whitcombe goes to Jail but there is reason to suppose that this might not be his last interaction with Simon.

Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.

This particular script does not have another character that is a Red Herring, but rather Dr. Whitcombe is almost his own red herring. Is he the world-renowned surgeon doing miracle work in organ transplantation that the world thinks he is or a ruthless killer who will do anything to accomplish his goals.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s Villains Has a Great Plan!

What I learned is that the villain’s plan runs through the entire story. Your story is as much about this plan as it is about the hero. The plan begins before page one.

What is the end goal?

Dr. Whitcombe’s end goal is to keep his son alive and if possible, restore his health.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

By creating a nursing home of unwitting but ready organ donors to supply his son with needed replacement parts as his organs continue to fail and a financial basis for his operation by selling organs he doesn’t need on the black market.

How can they cover it up?

Killing Simon’s mother, creating an underground facility in the basement of the nursing facility, successfully saving some patients, being a world-renowned expert in the field of organ transplants, covering up the fact that Tommy survived but is being kept alive in a secret room of an old mansion adjoining the nursing facility.

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

A. Simon’s mother worked for Dr. Whitcombe before the movie began. He killed her because she threated to go to the authorities.

B. Simon’s mother is killed to cover things up. Simon escapes and becomes a foster child.

C. Two years later Simon, a 6-year-old clairvoyant, sees Whitcombe in a vision.

D. Placed in a new foster home Simon must convince his new foster mother that his visions are real and to help him find the man in his visions (Whitcombe.)

E. As Simon’s understand become clearer, he “sees” the building where this man can be found.

F. When Simon and Elise visit the building, Whitcombe’s nursing facility, he perceives them as a threat to his operation.

G. When they return to the facility covertly, they are imprisoned in an old basement where Simon’s visions reveal his mother’s struggle with Whitcombe the night she is killed.

H. As they try to escape more and more information about Whitcombe and his plan are revealed to Simon., Eventually, they find a secret room and evidence that Whitcombe is Simon’s biological father. They learn of the organ transplants and find Tommy alive.

I. Whitcombe tries to kill them, but they escape. Whitcombe’s plan revealed and unraveled. Tommy dies leaving Whitcombe a broken man.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s BI Stacking Suspense Lesson

What I learned from following the stacking suspense model on BASIC INSTINCT

1. There is a lot of set up that one misses without really analyzing the film.

2. A well-constructed script can have one assuming a villain in one scene doubting yourself and fluctuating back and forth throughout the whole movie. In this movie the two red herring characters, possibly three if you think about it as Hazel comes across as a red herring in some ways, on the other hand I found myself wondering as time went on if Roxy and Hazel were not more accomplices than just red herrings.

3. That MIS can be accomplished in scenes that have virtually no dialogue.

4. Breaking down the film in this way helps us better understand the structure and gives us a format for constructing our own.

5. That MIS is spread out across the film but at least one of the elements is in every scene.

6. The innate irrationality of humans at times can increase MIS and also provides ready reason for suspecting even the innocent.

Michael L Harris’s SOTL Stacking Suspense – Bourne Identity

Things I learned that will help me write stronger thrillers.

1. One line of dialogue can speak volumes…. “I want Bourne in a body bag…”, “You have to decide now, Marie…” “Who the hell are you?” “Look what they require of us.” (This one assassin was a family name and yet he was required to give his life on an order to kill Bourne.

2. I need to develop a better understanding of MIS so that I can easily incorporate it into every thriller script.

3. Backstory is better revealed in the present that through flash backs. In Bourne we only saw a brief flashback to Bourne’s past and the central mystery of how he got into the predicament he was in but even, so this flashback was incorporated into a moment of lucidity in the present when the past came back to him. It was what he was seeing in his present mind.

4. Every scene built toward the suspenseful conclusion.

5. The two lead-characters were defined and even revealed through the MIS bult into the script.

6. The stakes in Bourne we high in every scene, yet often very subtle. In one of the first scenes it seemed to me that the high stake was Jason Bourne’s memory itself, would he remember who he was and how would he process that information.

7. Even the final scene of the movie, as relatively low key as it was, had suspense and high stakes built into it. Would Marie accept Jason back into her life?

8. Action creates MIS. Though it can be subtle, like Bourne checking out the people in the restaurant, on the bridge and in the embassy.

9. Montage can be used effectively to create suspense and reveal character and pieces of the story if done well. I think specifically of the montage of assassins that would be sent after Bourne. I barely noticed the spy who Bourne killed at the chateau interacting with a child in the assassin montage, but his last words and the montage created an impactful moment for me when my mind put the two together.

10. Perhaps not learned directly from this lesson but enhanced by it is the thought that in order for any of these elements to work you really have to have a clear idea of the story you are telling. You can insert as much action, mystery, intrigue and suspense into a script as you want but unless you know the story you want to tell and tell it in every scene, the whole comes off flat…

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Michael HARRIS.

[Michael HARRIS]

Subject line: Michael Harris’s World and Characters!

“What I learned doing this assignment is that finding the big mystery, intrigue and suspense keeps the thriller a thriller and draws audiences. Finding the MIS of each character takes this process a layer deeper.

1. My MIS is:

Big Mystery: What happened to Simon’s mother.
Big Intrigue: Dr. Whitcombe will do anything to keep his son
alive, including harvesting the organs of his unwitting patients,
providing a steady supply of new organs to replace his son’s rapidly
failing ones. And selling additional organs to finance his facility.
Big Suspense: Will Simon and Elise survive and solve the
mystery. Not if Dr. Whitcombe succeeds.

2. World: The secret dealings of a brilliant expert in organ transplants who uses his knowledge and connections for nefarious means.

3. Characters:

HERO: Simon Daniels

A. What is the mystery of this character? Are his visions
real?

B. What is the suspense of this character? Can he escape a
bigger more powerful villain. Can he convince Elise that his visions are
real?

C. What is the intrigue of this character? Will he find his
mother? (who disappeared 2 years before the movie began? He has been
trying for years but couldn’t convince his foster parents his visons are
real.) If not, what will he find?

VILLIAN: Dr. Whitcombe

A. What is the mystery of this character? Who is he? And what
is his relationship to Simon?

B. What is the suspense of this character? Will he be able to
maintain his operation despite the interference of Simon and Elise.

C. What is the intrigue of this character? He has been selling
organs on the black market for the past few years in order to keep his severely
damaged son alive and finance his operation.

SECONDARY HERO: Elise

A. What is the mystery of this character? Why is she so
passionate about fostering a child? What is her deep wound?

B. What is the suspense of this character? Will she accept Simon’s
visons as real and help him find his mother?

C. What is the intrigue of this character? Her turbulent
relationship with her mother and inability to commit to long-term
boyfriend Kevin.

[Michael HARRIS]

Subject line: Michael Harris’s Big M.I.S.

What I learned from this assignment: Learning the conventions of a thriller and weaving them into your story makes for a better, more thrilling story that delivers on audience expectations.

Logline: Six-year-old Simon Daniels sees things no one else sees, recently he has “seen” the man who holds the key to his mother’s disappearance but the only way he can find this man is by convincing his new foster mother that his visions are real.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Simon Daniels, a visionary
6-year-old
Dangerous Villain: Dr. Whitcombe, a brilliant
scientist and leading expert in organ transplants.
High stakes: Finding Simon’s mother, uncovering Dr. Whitcombe’s
plans, escaping from their captors, not getting killed along the way. Elise’s
rocky relationship with boyfriend Kevin, will it flourish, or die as a
result of her fostering Simon.
Life and death situations: Simon is an abandoned child with
no one to help him find his mother (home and belonging are his greatest
needs), Convincing Elise his visions are real, escaping from Dr. Whitcombe
and helping save others. Tommy, Simon’s unknown twin. Simon discovering
his parentage.
This story is thrilling because? It is uncertain whether Simon and
Elise will survive and eventually find his mother or whether they will
fall prey to Whitcombe, by interfering with his plan.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What happened to Simon’s mother.
Big Intrigue: Dr. Whitcombe will do anything to keep his son alive,
including harvesting the organs of his unwitting patients, providing a
steady supply of new organs to replace his son’s rapidly failing ones. And
selling additional organs to finance his facility.
Big Suspense: Will Simon and Elise survive and solve the
mystery. Not if Dr. Whitcombe succeeds.

[Michael HARRIS]

Subject line: “The Lincoln Lawyer” Thriller Conventions

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Mick Haller, a criminal defense
lawyer<div>

Dangerous Villain: Louis Roulet, a rich young client with a nasty
obsession

High stakes: Louis handpicks Mick to defend him while at the same
time setting him up should he be betrayed, He kills Frank, Mick’s top
detective when Frank learns too much, he sets Mick up for the murder of
Frank, he threatens Mick’s family, He plays on Mick’s guilt for not
believing a former client that Louis also set up.

Life and death situations: Frank’s death, Mick’s battle with guilt,
attorney client privilege that doesn’t allow him to bring his own client
to justice, Mick is set up for Frank’s murder, Mick’s family is in danger.
This movie is thrilling because? The suspense builds as it becomes clear
that Mick is being set up time after time and it is uncertain how/if he
can win against his own client and his own guilt.

<div>

What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: Is Louis innocent? </div><div>

Big Intrigue: What can Mick do to win, retain his license and
protect his family when pitted against a client with nearly inexhaustible resources
and a devious mind.

Big Suspense: Can Mick survive Louis’s attacks.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?

The extremely reluctant hero (Mick) struggles with self and his client. In the beginning of the movie his whole motivation is money but as he realizes he has been set up it brings back memories of a client he let down and a desire to redeem himself.

</div></div>

[Michael HARRIS]

1. Your name: Michael L Harris

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael HARRIS]

1. Name? Michael L Harris

2. How many scripts you’ve written? More than 20

3. What you hope to get out of the class? A better understanding of how to construct a great thriller.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I grew up in a funeral home.😱

[Michael HARRIS]

Name: Michael L Harris

I agree to the terms of this release form.

Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael HARRIS]

Hi, my name is Michael L Harris

I’ve written over a dozen shorts and multiple commercial industrial scripts, I’ve adapted 3 features from source scripts and have 3 originals in development.

I hope to gain a better understanding of thriller conventions and how I can incorporate them into my work.

An unusual thing about me is I grew up in a funeral home.

[Michael HARRIS]

The Sixth Sense – Thriller Conventions – Michael L Harris

What I learned doing this assignment is presenting a movie to an audience as a Thriller and not giving them thriller conventions will keep the movie from achieving its full protentional. All great thrillers follow thriller conventions.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: 9-year-old, Cole
Sear
Dangerous Villain: Fear
High stakes: Cole’s sanity, will he end up like
Dr. Crowe’s former patient: Vincent Gray.
Life and death situations: Cole I surrounded by
death the whole movie is a life and death situation.
This movie is thrilling because? Shyamalan builds
on our own fears, making subtitle reveals along the way to reach the
shocking yet evident conclusion.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: Why do dead people keep appearing to Cole
and how can he get rid of them.
Big Intrigue: Are Cole’s visions real or is he
simply delusional.
Big Suspense: Will Cole overcome the apparently
evil forces around him.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? Like all great thrillers The Sixth Sense keeps you guessing all the way through climaxing with the big twist. Malcolm is dead.

[Michael HARRIS]

1. Michael L Harris

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+1

[Michael HARRIS]

Not sure why, but all of my post have vanished so I am re-posting

1. Michael L Harris

2. I’ve written about 12 original shorts, a number of scripts for an internet show I do, commercial industrial scripts and adapted two features from source material.

3. A greater understanding of the pitching process.

4. I grew up in a funeral home.

[Michael HARRIS]

MICHAEL L HARRIS – PROJECT AND MARKETING

Genre: Thriller

Title: SIMON SEES

Concept: To solve the mystery of his mother’s disappearance a 6-year-old psychic must convince his new foster mother that his visions are real.

The most attractive part of the story for me is the bond that is created between Simon and Elise as she begins to accept him for what and who he is.

As I am producing myself and seeking a production partner and believe that a known actor with their own production company will elevate the project as well as facilitate financing, so, they are first on my list. I also have a few production companies with distribution deals in place that will be my secondary first line reach out.

Today I learned that when marketing you need to gear your pitch to answer the needs of the customer (i.e: Producer, manager, actor.) That telling the story instead of showing marketability will not get you produced.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris – Marketable Concepts

What I learned doing this assignment is… that a successful pitch is one which is focused on the Producer/ Actor or Manager’s needs (i.e. the salability of the project) and not telling the story. ?”

Current Logline: To solve the mystery of his mom’s disappearance a young visionary must convince his new foster mother that his visions are real.

Components of Marketability / How I would use them to elevate my pitch:

Great Title: “Simon Sees” is the story of a young who sees visions of past secrets and future dangers. (The title speaks for itself)

Wide Audience Appeal: “Simon Sees” is a thriller about a young boy who sees the secrets of the past and dangers of the future. (Popular Thriller genre.)

Adapted from a book by a popular author: “Simon Sees” is based on a novel by best-selling author, Othello Bach.

Similarity to a box-office success: “Simon Sees” is the next “sixth Sense.”

A great role for a bankable actor: “Simon Sees” has a great role for Morgan Freeman.

[Michael HARRIS]

Subject Line: Michael L Harris – Meets Producer/Manager

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

In presenting to a producer, I’ll focus on the 10 Components of Marketability…. The best information I can give about the salability of the project, I’ll keep it short and concise, emphasizing one element of the concepts of marketability. My job is to get them to read my screenplay. Let them know I am a team player.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

With a manager I would focus on the fact that I have multiple projects all of high-quality construction, That I am in it for the log haul and willing to follow their advice and prepared for whatever meetings they might set up along with changes in the pitch and script that will better meet their needs.

3. What I learned today is…?”

I learned that there is or should be a difference in your pitch based upon who you are pitching to, Manager v Producer. That it is important to focus on the elements that are important to that individual and that you come across more professional when you know what they want and provide it to them in the time allowed.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris – 10 most Interesting Things

Today I Learned That finding the most interesting parts of the script is the starting point for constructing a good pitch.

The 10 Most Interesting Things in My Script

1. Six-year-old, Simon is psychic.

2. Elise, struggling with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, decides to foster a child.

3. Simon appears from out of the woods and hands, Elise, a stranger, a button.

4. Simon sees a vison of the man who knows what happened to his mother.

5. Simon’s explanation of his abilities using a puppet.

6. The “man,” Dr. Whitcombe is a world-renowned leader in organ transplants he’s also Simon mother’s killer.

7. … And is Simon’s father.

8. Dr. Whitcombe runs a nursing home for children with unusual medical challenges, and he is using them as stock for his organ farm, He deals on the black market.

9. Simon and Elise’s escape through a rat-infested tunnel at the end of which they find Tommy, Whitcombe’s son and Simon’s twin brother.

10. Simon has a twin brother, who was in a serious car accident, Whitcombe created the organ farm to keep him alive.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris – Project and Market

Genre: Thriller

Title: Simon Sees

To find his mother a 6 year old boy must convince his new foster mother his visions are real.

2. At its core “Simon Sees” is the story of finding a place of belonging in a world that rejects your special gifts and talents.

3. I will target actor’s production companies because I intend to produce the film myself but am seeking name talent as a production partner.

4. I learned that a short concise targeted pitch containing the elements producer need to make a decision is more effective than story telling.

[Michael HARRIS]

WIM – Michael L Harris – Transformational Journey

My Vision: To create insightful, life changing stories that will endure for generations and which I can easily greenlight for self-production.

What I learned from this lesson: … Being able to define the core characteristics of lead characters and how those characters fulfill the central concept of the story is paramount to creating an incredible screenplay.

State: I am completely capable…

Activity: … of designing a great transformational journey for my Protagonist.

Arc Beginning: Naïve country girl ready to take on the world

Arc Ending: Reserved, Wise, Mature elderly woman, the survivor, the last of her kind… the one to tell their story.

Internal Journey: From naïve and immature to wise and noble/ regal

External Journey: From a flamboyant show girl to a humble and powerful woman with the glint of knowledge in her eyes.

Old Ways: Flamboyant, Caddie, immature, out for a thrill, willing to risk it all, willing to drink it all, caution to the wind, phony

New Ways: Reserved, professional, witty, educated, mature, able to dodge life’s curves, real, seen it all.

Rio is the velveteen rabbit incarnate.

[Michael HARRIS]

WIM – Michael L Harris –Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: To create insightful, life changing stories that will endure for generations and which I can easily greenlight for self-production.

What I learned from this lesson: … Being able to define the core characteristics of lead characters and how those characters fulfill the central concept of the story is paramount to creating an incredible screenplay.

State: I am completely Committed to…

Activity: … having my lead characters deliver powerfully on the concept.

Character: Rio Burke

Logline: Rio is a night club singer who marries a Capone Lieutenant

Unique: Rio is the Last Capone Connection

Character: Dan Roberts aka Dominick Roberto

Logline: Dan is mobster who is married to Rio

Unique: He runs Al Capone’s Chicago Heights operation

Character: Mystery Man

Logline: Mystery man is the only man Rio ever truly loved.

Unique: He’s the man that got away.

[Michael HARRIS]

WIM – Michael L Harris – The Last Capone Connection – Romantic Triangle

My Vision: To create insightful, life changing stories that will endure for generations and which I can easily greenlight for self-production.

What I learned from this lesson: … Creating the great outline and help you find and fix bugs in your screenplay structure in the early stages of writing.

Title: The Last Capone Connection

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Concept: When the glamor of life as a Capone lieutenant’s wife ends Rio Burke must decide how to live the rest of her life.

Character Concept: Romantic Triangle

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael Harris

I agree to the terms of the release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael HARRIS]

Hello All:

My name is Michael Harris, I’m an actor/filmmaker from Northern Indiana. My acting claim to fame is a featured role in the baseball classic, “Eight Men Out.”

I’ve written 12 short films, am in the process of writing my first completely original feature and adapting another feature from a novel. I’m currently seeking funds to produce the adaptation later this year. I’ve rewritten/adapted two other feature screenplays.

In preparation for my upcoming feature I have spent the last year talking producing, directing, screenwriting and acting class from multiple sources. I’m greatly looking forward to this one.

My goal for the class is simply to elevate my writing skills— setting a new paradigm of writing ability. Rather that sell scripts my goal is to create and develop quality work that elevates the human condition which I can self produce/direct.

Something unique about me, I grew up in a funeral home….

Looking forward to getting to know and learn from all of you.

[Michael HARRIS]

What Is Profound:

What I learned from this assignment: How important gradients of change are in character yet how subtly they can be introduced.

ANALYSIS GROUNDHOG’s DAY

1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

The movie is about realizing how meaningless life is if we do not make each day count. We can live the same day over and over again (intellectually, spiritually, mentally) if we do not grow a little each day to a high plane of existence.

2. Lead characters:

Phil

Rita

– Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?

Life itself or the weird twist of fate it brings is the agent of change, but Rita also represents an agent of change because he wants her. Life itself is the right agent in this movie because Phil can’t escape its limits.

– Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?

Phil – He is the right character because of his self-righteous, move out of my way peons perspective on life.

– What is the Oppression?

He is forced to live the same day over and over again until he learns its lessons.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?

We’re lured into the journey and connect to it because we each know what its like to get stuck in life’s meaningless activities.

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.”

Identify their old way: Arrogant, self righteous, Treats people poorly, corporate climber doesn’t care who is hurt along the way, into one night stands.

Identify their new way at the conclusion: Knows and has helped everyone in town, philanthropic, understanding, wants to hang out with the folks… he cares.

5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

With each day Phil experiences we see things change. First he is in denial, then he is angry, then he is depressed (tries to kill himself) then he believes he is god (he can never die) , and that the situation is hopeless, finally he decides its time to go for the bucket list and by learning to live again himself he becomes motivated to reach out to other who are dying or in trouble around him. It becomes his work.

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

Because he begins to see the results of his normal ways of doing things are fruitless. There is something more to life than what he has experienced.

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?

When he realizes he will never have the girl of his dreams if he doesn’t change. (There dates) When he begins music lessons. When he first helps the bum. In the restaurant when everyone knows him, has a story to tell about him and all like him.

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?

“Do you know what today is? Today is tomorrow.”; “What if there were no tomorrow, we could do anything we want”; “I’m not going to live by their rules anymore, you make choices and you live with them.” “I could never love someone like you … because you’ll never love anyone but yourself.”; Maybe its not a curse, depends on how you look at it.”

9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

His change is rewarded by getting the girl and the love and admiration of the whole town. He’s free from the corporate chains that drug him down. “Let’s rent a car…”

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

Life no matter how short or long is what you make of it. Today is the day we must live… don’t wait for tomorrow (it may not come.)

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris (Indiana) He/His/Him

I’ve written about 12 shorts, rewritten 2 features, collaborated on a 3rd and am in the process of writing a 4th, but the purpose of this class is to help me with an adaption I am processing through which I plan to shoot next summer. I have produced all 12 of the short films I have written but this will be my first feature. It needs to be profound. Right now its “nice.”

From this class I hope to learn better techniques for identifying my stories weaknesses and the skills to build profoundly from the foundation that is there. I also hope to build collaborative relationships with my fellow class members in the hope that we can help each other attain new heights.

Something unique… I have red hair and my undergraduate is in theatre and social work. I have been working as a professional actor for xx (a bunch of) years

[Michael HARRIS]

Hi Eric:
Sorry I didn’t see your messages sooner. Happy to look at your deck if you like and give input. I wouldn’t send the extra pages unless they ask for more. Remember you want them to request the script. That would give them the more they probably want. On the slides I think you are referring to pictures illustrating your deck which I think you have already taken care of per your second message. Love to be of help michaelharrisactor@gmail.com

[Michael HARRIS]

David:
It’s great you are moving forward and pursuing your work. So happy for you.

[Michael HARRIS]

Similar to what we will be doing here in the second half of the course… Hal takes you through constructing an outline and all the various components using AI prompts, in the BW class he also takes you through creating a pitch deck that will sell, i.e. what you need, what you don’t need etc. Dealers choice on the AI service you use.

[Michael HARRIS]

An Irishman in Mexico, love it. I lived there for two years when I was younger and told my friends their that I was a naive Mexican, part of the Irish tribe:)

[Michael HARRIS]

Great first name Michael. Interesting concepts on your website.

[Michael HARRIS]

I also enjoyed your reel.

[Michael HARRIS]

Hi Brenda

I’m a little late in finishing my map, would you be willing to exchange feedback with me?

[Michael HARRIS]

Hi Diane

Just finishing my Map, would you be willing to exchange feedback with me,

Thanks

Michael