[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: I’m a storyteller driven by entertainment, esteemed in the industry, and eager to participate in the creative visualization of my narratives by other talented professionals.

What I learned doing this assignment is…to think about and continuously evaluate the concept, making it clearer and more active, short and concise. Also, knowing what to do and actually having the clarity to do it takes practice but I’m ready to see where this thing leads.

Title: Serpentine Shadows of Seraphina/Serpentine Shadows of the Emerald Ruin

Concept: An adventure to an abandoned library in the woods lead friends to learn their present difficulty is intertwined with their town’s dark legacy./Friends search for an abandoned ruin in the forest to find answers that could stop their folks from fighting and prevent the ban on their friendship.

Character Structure: Protagonist vs. Antagonist

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Jones.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Jones.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Jones.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Jones.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Michael Jones.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Layers and Reveals

I learned to add entertaining dimensions to the structure and to think in ways that keeps an audience engaged. Knowing is easier than doing, so I’ve much work to do, but every improvement helps.

Season 1 Plot/Situational Layer and Reveal:

One suggestion that would work well would be great for the season one finale:

Surface: An archaeological excavation.

Layer Beneath: A trap to capture rivals.

How the Layer is Revealed: Dr. Mortimer Greenfield, the lead archaeologist belongs to a scientific society bent on using the idea of a magical helm to ensnare the popular mindset and create a new age of scientific rule, with AI assistance to avoid human emotion.

Character: Atticus’s brother is the one missing from the teaser.

Surface: A treasure hunter, Brock, goes missing.

Layer Beneath: Atticus’s brother, looking for the artifact.

How the Layer is Revealed: The photo of the ancient symbol taken by Brock is the same one on Atticus’s phone, later confirmed when Atticus finds his brother’s phone when he stumbles upon the symbol not realizing this is the same artifact Brock was after.

Others will include Morrigan’s struggle with his societal goals when he encounters friendship on the dig site, which will reveal itself when he saves Atticus’s friend, Thad.

Atticus’s brother was part of group vying for the power of the artifact and Atticus’s cousin was also part of it, hinted at when Atticus confronts Kieran for answers. I just need to make this encounter in an interesting setting, perhaps with some max entertainment strategies.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Character Story Lines

I learned to improve the depth of the story with intriguing character story lines. I also find these assignments sizes a bit bloating but I know they will condense into a much more powerful outline than I would otherwise construct.

Teaser:

• Essence: Brock Taylor finds an ancient symbol underground. Takes a picture and sends it to his brother.
• Turning Point: A bag goes over his head and he drops his phone as he is hauled off.

Act 1:

• Essence: Mundane life of Atticus and his friends; Morrigan’s bookshop. Atticus struggling with bills, sparse living conditions — cousin, Kieran, offers to pay him to get an artifact by using a volunteer digger on an excavation as his cover. Friends included. The promise of an opportunity.
• Turning Point: Atticus sees the ancient symbol on his phone — sent to him by his brother; Morrigan has an underground lair hosting rituals for newfound secret order.

Act 2:

• Essence: Atticus and friends working on an excavation site. Morrigan also working there.
• Turning Point/Midpoint: Atticus caught by Morrigan searching the landscape. Threatens to expose Atty unless they partner together to find the artifact.

Act 3:

• Essence: Thad gains new friends, suspects Atty and hints at jealousy. Sophie knows who Morrigan is and Olivia confronts Atticus.
• Turning Point: Atticus and Morrigan find the area of the ancient symbol. Atticus discovers Brock’s phone; making this hunt personal.

Act 4:

• Essence: Atticus confronts Kieran, who reveals that this artifact involves a lot of other interested groups. Brock was taken by one of them. Atticus has the chance to turn back but he won’t, he can’t, especially if he can find his brother.
• Turning Point: Lead archaeologist, Dr. Mortimer Greenfield, suspects Atticus and almost dismisses him; a former member of Morrigan’s group with a rival group offers to exchange info about his brother for the artifact.

Act 5:

• Essence: Atty learns the artifact has something to do with King Arthur, or Merlin. He uncovers a clue and the following of it almost costs Thad his life…until Morrigan rescues him. Atticus commits fully to the quest, vowing to reclaim the artifact and solve the mystery of his brother, no matter the cost; Morrigan struggles with the choices before him.
• Lock In: Atticus receives a cryptic message from an unknown source, offering him a clue to his brother’s fate and the artifact’s true power but if he finds the artifact, who can he trust? and how can he keep it from those seeking to abuse its power? As Atticus, Morrigan, Thad, Sophie, and Olivia enter a tomb; the other seekers surface, with the artifact allegedly within reach.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Pilot Structure

I learned the rudimentary failings of my initial ideas of a pilot. The structure includes an overall hook that often got lost in character introductions and story set-up. At least I’m moving in a more coherent direction.

Teaser:

• Essence: Brock Taylor finds an ancient symbol. Takes a picture and send it to Atticus.
• Turning Point: A bag goes over his head and he drops his phone as he is hauled off.

Act 1:

• Essence: Mundane life of Atticus and his friends; Morrigan’s bookshop. Atticus struggling with bills, sparse living conditions — cousin offers to pay him to get an artifact by using a volunteer digger on an excavation as his cover. Friends included.
• Turning Point: Atticus sees the ancient symbol on his phone — sent to him by his brother.

Act 2:

• Essence: Atticus and friends working on an excavation site. Morrigan also working there.
• Turning Point/Midpoint: Atticus caught by Morrigan searching the landscape. Threatens to expose Atty unless they partner together.

Act 3:

• Essence: Thad gains new friends, suspects Atty and hints at jealousy. Sophie knows who Morrigan is and Olivia confronts Atticus.
• Turning Point: Atticus and Morrigan find the area of the ancient symbol. Atticus discovers Brock’s phone.

Act 4:

• Essence: Atticus confronts Kieran, who reveals that this artifact involves a lot of other interested groups. Brock was taken by one of them. Atticus has the chance to turn back but he won’t, he can’t, especially if he can find his brother.
• Turning Point: Lead archaeologist, Dr. Mortimer Greenfield, suspects Atticus and almost dismisses him.

Act 5:

• Essence: Atty learns the artifact has something to do with King Arthur, or Merlin. He uncovers a clue and the following of it almost costs Thad his life…until Morrigan rescues him. Atticus commits fully to the quest, vowing to reclaim the artifact and solve the mystery of his brother, no matter the cost.
• Lock In: Atticus receives a cryptic message from an unknown source, offering him a clue to his brother’s fate and the artifact’s true power but if he finds the artifact, who can he trust? and how can he keep it from those seeking to abuse its power?

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Amazing Inciting Incident

I learned to look at a Pilot as a means to set up the entire series, to bring audience interest from the first episode and to want to see what happens to these characters. That said, I also realize I have much work to improve these ideas to actually make it possible for such a thing to occur.

Inciting Incident:

ELUSIVE ARTIFACT: Atticus must uncover what the artifact is, and then protect it from the competing factions that seek to use it for global power.

MAIN BEATS

• Intriguing Concept: Atticus will go from a mundane life to become entwined in a bout for global power and control through the possession of an historical artifact.

• Act 1: Atticus an outstanding volunteer on the archaeological dig and a respected leader, but that’s not why he’s there. it’s a cover to find the mysterious artifact. Flashbacks of his mundane life: behind on bills, sparse eating, and near depression, along with mental anguish over his missing brother. To get him out of his situation, his cousin, Kieran Hawthorne, hires him to take part in an excavation as a cover for locating a certain treasure sought by his investors.

• Midpoint: With modern torch in some sort of underground labyrinth, fellow volunteer and bookstore proprietor, Morrigan, discovers Atticus and threatens exposure unless he helps Morrigan and his society find the artifact with the goal of global improvement.

• Locked In: Atticus has to involve Morrigan or be exposed, fail in his job, and go back to the life he had before. He learns there are several clandestine attempts for various groups to obtain the artifact once discovered and that his missing brother was involved in some way. Atticus won’t go back to the life he had, despite the danger he doesn’t fully realize is around him.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Big Picture Components

I learned to simplify —not focus on every intricate detail to just distill the ideas down into an overall big picture.

SERIES INFO:

• World: The mysterious world of a historical artifact as a catalyst for utopian goals.
• Main mystery: The artifact and the personal struggles of Atticus and Morrigan.
• Impossible Goal: Find the artifact and use it’s power to advance utopian agendas.
• Main Conflict: Atticus must find the artifact before all the rival secret societies.
• Second Mystery: Atticus’s missing brother and its ties to the artifact.
• Season 1 Arc: Atticus goes from a struggling university graduate to becoming immersed in a search for an artifact that can have the power to change the world.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From a struggle to survive to becoming a major factor for the future of the world.

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: Atticus hunts for the artifact while volunteering on an excavation.
• Main Characters Introduced: Atticus, Morrigan, Atticus’s friends, Dr. Mortimer.
• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Atticus and friends must protect the artifact from other rivals and avoid being killed in the process.

[Michael Jones]

Susan —

For Carley, we see the politeness and food theorist come out in proper British fashion, especially with her not mentioning her “you know what!” Details like that are subtle but revealing. For Marcus, his fussing over his make-up and wanting his nails clean show he’s up to something. Also shows how he thinks himself better and more deserving with his comment about Carley “not up to the same gourmet level, and from Britain no less.” Ouch.

I think we can see a form of toughness by her professional on-camera presence while having “to pull the jeans out of her crotch” before and during the show indicating it bothers her quite a bit.

When Carley describes what she’s making and refers her public to the website for the recipe, they would probably also list it on screen while she does it. So, she could say, “The quantities will be visible as we do them on the screen, or you can visit the website for the full recipe,” or something like that.

Good shot of Marcus upstaging and sabotaging Carley’s chance. “eat?” throws us off a bit, so I recommend adding the …eat? to it to show it finishes off his statement as he disrupts the prep table.

When Carley specifies “In Food Theory…” finding a way to rinse the product off as a suggestion using previously boiled water or a disposable towel or something would be worth the option rather than just using others (which she would do for the show) unless of course, where it falls has less than desirable accoutrements upon it.

The sabotage for the ratings is a nice touch but should have some hint of Marcus being part of it to hit on his subtext. Also, a bit confusing with Mack who earlier ‘knits his fingers together and seriously states the stars need to work together’ would show he’s not too observant if he hasn’t picked up on Marcus’s strategies by now.

Carley pulls it back together but Marcus’s campfire douse makes him look like a clumsy idiot or an overt prick purposefully ruining Carley’s efforts. It also shows he’s threatened by her and weakens his strategy that his cooking style is better since he has to stoop to prove it rather than let his cooking prove his point for him.

The Rangers are pulled into the filming too much since they miss their young friendly black bear, Charlie. Not to mention, if Charlie’s young, a good chance a more protective adult is nearby.

Once the threats out of the way, they poise for a fight where all the insults make a direct appearance. Then, Marcus perv’s it up and Carley likes it.

There must be a history here to show moments of tension between them both frustrated and romantic. It runs a bit lengthy and it’s easy to lose interest. You’ve done a remarkable job on it, with many techniques and twists. Some suspense with the bear, and a great setting. An intriguing idea with a purpose. The characters definitely change radically in the fight which works if there’s a bit of a history with them, even if only for some previous interactions. You can push the betrayal if you mean by Mack and Jake with the whole bug, bear thing. The hook about boosting ratings and how this will happen, and even creating a future with a burgeoning relationship or more rivalry with Marcus and Carley.

Great work, and it’s been wonderful taking this course with you and Christi. Really helped strive for some better work and helped me see how others use these techniques. Thanks for participating.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Five Seasons

I learned that this structure helps organize for the main ideas but can be shortened/combined to make a shorter series, or a longer one if such is required. Using AI speeds things along and is helpful to suggest and let me frame the story how I see it.

SERIES TITLE: THE ELUSIVE

Season 1: Title: The Elusive Artifact

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Volunteers on an archaeological excavation find a powerful artifact tied to one’s missing brother and another’s quest for more control.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From unknown to being the key to find what everyone wants; from belonging to an order to want to rule it.

C. Main Conflict: Competing factions vying for the discovery and possession of the artifact.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: The artifact and its purported powers, Atticus’s missing brother, Morrigan’s rise in power, and the various organizations competing for the same thing.

E. Cliffhanger: Atticus and Morrigan find the artifact — now the struggle for possession begins.

Season 2: Title: The Elusive Possession

A. High concept or major hook of the season: The artifact is stolen from Atticus by his best friend who switches to Morrigan’s side.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From victory to loss.

C. Main Conflict: Atticus, paranoid and isolated from his friends as they go through their own personal struggles while attempting to understand the artifact while others seek to take it.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Some of the powers of the artifact, Atticus learns more about his missing brother, Olivia’s entanglement with her lab’s controversy, Thad’s struggle for importance, Sophie’s knowledge of Morrigan, and the various organizations coming forward.

E. Cliffhanger: Thad steals the artifact from Atticus and brings it to one of the organizations.

Season 3: Title: The Elusive Trust

A. High concept or major hook of the season: One group has the artifact and Atticus plans to get it back by partnering with another group.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Perseverance against improbable odds.

C. Main Conflict: As each search for the artifact and get it, trust is fickle and deadly.

D. Mystery/Open Loop: Atticus learns more about his brother, Morrigan tries to learn the identity of the ‘person behind the curtain’ in his secret order and take control, and more connections about the excavation and the groups involved.

E. Cliffhanger: Atticus recovers the artifact and goes into hiding, Morrigan finds the anonymous leader.

Season 4: Title: The Elusive Ascension

A. High concept or major hook of the season: Morrigan in now leads his order and hunts for Atticus.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: All the groups involved exposed and plot to take control of the artifact; the friends rekindle.

C. Main conflict: Atticus seeks his brother with the help of the artifact while Morrigan deals with any threats to his purposes, including his obsession with getting the artifact back.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Atticus on the trail of his brother, Atticus’s friend rekindle their friendship and help Atticus; some organizations fallout at the hands of Morrigan.

E. Cliffhanger: Atticus gives Morrigan the artifact in exchange for his brother.

Season 5: Title: The Elusive King

A. High concept or major hook of the season: A person shows up claiming to be King Arthur, returned from Avalon; Atticus hunts for Merlin, and the clash between Morrigan and Arthur for the artifact: the crown of Arthur.

B. Big picture Arc/Journey: Atticus learns some things best left buried. His friends find meaning and will return different than what they were at the start.

C. Main conflict: Preventing catastrophe from Arthur or Morrigan and the desires inspired by the artifact.

D. Mystery/Open Loop: Brought full-circle as Atticus and friends piece everything together and learn how Arthur staged this from the beginning. He’s how Atticus found the artifact and Morrigan raised a group for him to wield it.

E. Cliffhanger: Atticus and Morrigan join to defeat Arthur; they rebury the crown — but it’s a fake. Atticus keeps the real one. But, for what reason?

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: The Elusive Artifact

Volunteers unearth a powerful artifact tied to a missing brother, sparking conflict among the factions. As Atticus and Morrigan partner to find the artifact, the battle for possession begins.

Season 2: The Elusive Possession

Tensions rise as Atticus withdraws from everyone as his friends undergo personal struggles. Morrigan seeks to amplify his position in the secret order, and betrayal strikes while Thad steals the artifact for someone.

Season 3: The Elusive Trust

Partnerships form and dissolve in pursuit of gaining the artifact. Atticus recovers it while Morrigan gets closer to the anonymous leader of his order.

Season 4: The Elusive Ascension

Friendships rekindle, Morrigan rises in prominence and influence, and Atticus finds his brother while a new threat emerges.

Season 5: The Elusive King

A person claiming to be King Arthur returned from Avalon supplants Morrigan and takes the artifact. Atticus and Morrigan join together to bring Arthur down and dispose of the artifact for good.

[Michael Jones]

MIKE’S REWRITE SCENE

LOGLINE: Carley and Marcus travel down a dark road on a way to a famous castle.

ESSENCE: Squabbling to kissing.

SCENE:

EXT. CARRIAGE – NIGHT

The moon beams onto the horse-drawn carriage bumping down a roughshod roadway, trees on both sides. Howling Wolves and a mysterious mist.

INT. CARRIAGE

CARLEY (30) slaps MARCUS (34) across the face, then follows it up with a return slap. Marcus takes her wrist before the next wave begins.

MARCUS

Easy. You’ll damage the lines. I worked hard to get ‘em.

Carley breaks her hands free.

CARLEY

Hey, I didn’t mean to…I just thought it’d be a different castle. I was really looking forward to…I’m sorry. Are you hurt?

MARCUS

What do you think? Now, when we get there it is imperative, and I mean absolutely one-hundred percent imperative that you desist from any nightly exploration.

CARLEY

Or, I can just turn back.

MARCUS

We’re bound at least a week. But, by then, we will’ve found it.

CARLEY

I can jump out and walk back.

MARCUS

What are you afraid of? I thought this mattered to you.

She moves to the door but Marcus lunges to stop her only to find a swift punch to the oblique to settle him back down and focus on his breathing. He GASPS some inaudible words. Carley’s still at the door.

CARLEY

I’d say goodbye, but I guess you’re like a bad penny.

Marcus controls his breathing as he holds his side

CARLEY

I’m sorry, bat got your tongue?

MARCUS

Go ahead. Jump. A meal is a meal to a wolf, if that’s the only thing you chance to encounter.

She considers then slaps him again, this side on the other part of his face, then opens the door and jumps.

EXT. CARRIAGE – NIGHT

Carley lands and collapses into a roll. The ground’s hard, but she’s harder. She moans for a moment, then lifts herself off the ground, bit by bit. She stands and shakes her arms and kicks her legs.

She looks at the carriage continuing on without her. She looks around. It’s dark. Trees barely visible, and beyond and within them? Well, forget it.

She begins to walk with one look back. Has she done the right thing?

Carley spins to make the walk back but spins right into someone. She looks like she’s about to SCREAM but collects herself and punches instead, with the occasional kick to emphasize her point.

MARCUS

Carley! Carley! It’s me!

Who’s this that knows her? Still suspicious she takes Marcus’s arm and twists it behind his back.

CARLEY

Who are you?

MARCUS

Will ya back off, ya spazz?

CARLEY

You can’t be Marcus. I left you on the carriage.

MARCUS

‘Cos when ya jumped, I sprang out the other door. Considering I’m wearing a black overcoat, not much surprise ya didn’t see me right away.

CARLEY

Why didn’t the carriage stop?

MARCUS

Guys probably passed out from that jug he kept swiggin’ from.

CARLEY

Marcus!

She lets go and hugs him.

MARCUS

Do that again, and—

Carley tenderly takes his face in her hands.

CARLEY

(mocking)

Oh, darling, do you have a boo-boo?

Marcus pushes her back and makes himself a bigger.

MARCUS

Sit back and keep those Herculean paws at bay. Ouch. If only you weren’t just a pretty face.

Marcus massages his arm. Carley looks around.

CARLEY

Now what?

MARCUS

Now what? You jumped. Thought you had a plan.

CARLEY

I know you have one. You always do.

MARCUS

Not always. And we would’ve had it had you just shut up and do as I said. We won’t get another chance.

CARLEY

It’s a dungeon, not a castle. If you ever let yourself learn from another, you’d remember what Jonathan said.

Wolves howl. Not far. In fact, so close Marcus and Carley can hear the hungry SNARLS.

MARCUS

We’re going to be alright, Car. You, me, together.

CARLEY

If you start singing, I’m gonna clobber you.

MARCUS

Start walking, make yourself look threatening and hope we chance on a rock or stick or something.

A large wolf struts onto the road behind them.

MARCUS (CONT’D)

Keep walking.

It starts to follow. It’s joined by another. More and more wolves find the courage to join group.

CARLEY

They keep multiplying.

Marcus glances back and picks up the pace.

MARCUS

I know this is hard for you. I wanted to give you time, ya know? To give you an adventure. To find it. Be in the papers.

CARLEY

I never asked for that.

MARCUS

What did you ask for? Wasn’t it for this?

CARLEY

The wolves are still behind us. It makes me uncomfortable.

MARCUS

It’s gone now, anyway. I tried. You know, I really, really tried. I fought it for so long. Tried to hide who I am, what I am…(glances back at the wolves)…but there’s no way out of it, now.

CARLEY

You’re so dramatic.

The wolves bound towards them. Carley stands tall and ready. This is it and she’ll go out on her terms.

Marcus draws himself up and charges at the wolves. For some reason they stop. He does some HOWLING SHRIEK and would you believe it? The wolves stop. They stop. Not only that, they whimper and rush back to the cover of trees.

He returns to Carley but something about his eyes seem off.

CARLEY

You really are full of surprises.

MARCUS

I told you I’d protect you.

Marcus slips his arm around Carley.

CARLEY

How’d you do it?

MARCUS

Guess I speak wolf. Didn’t know if that’d work. At least we’re safe, at the moment, and alone, with each other.

Marcus stares into her eyes and she looks back. She gives him a real hard, long look.

CARLEY

You really are a piece—

Marcus kisses her. She wants this. She never felt how bad until now. She kisses back. He kisses her cheek. He kisses her neck. Carley moves her head back.

MARCUS

I’m sorry, my dear.

Marcus opens his mouth wide and fangs descend as he kisses her…

[Michael Jones]

LOGLINE: Marcus tries misleading Carley from getting the artifact only to confront his feelings for her in the process.

ESSENCE: Fighting to kissing.

Note: I used apologetic in the sense of making a defence.

SCENE:

EXT. CARRIAGE – NIGHT

The moon beams onto the horse-drawn carriage bumping down a roughshod roadway, trees on both sides. Howling Wolves and a mysterious mist.

INT. CARRIAGE

CARLEY (30) slaps MARCUS (34) across the face, then follows it up with a return slap. Marcus takes her wrist before the next wave begins.

MARCUS

Easy, sweetheart. You’ll damage the lines. I worked hard to get ‘em.

Carley breaks her hands free.

CARLEY

Hey, I didn’t mean to…I just thought it’d be a different castle. I was really looking forward to…I’m sorry. Are you hurt?

MARCUS

Just my ego. Now, when we get there it is imperative, and I mean absolutely one-hundred percent imperative that you desist from any nightly exploration.

CARLEY

Or, I can just turn back.

MARCUS

We’re bound at least a week. But, by then, we will’ve found it. What are you afraid of? I thought this mattered to you.

CARLEY

I can jump out and walk back.

She moves to the door but Marcus lunges to stop her only to find a swift punch to the oblique settle him back down and practice his breathing exercises. He GASPS some inaudible words. Carley’s still at the door.

CARLEY

I’d say goodbye, but I guess you’re like a bad penny. I’m sorry, bat got your tongue?

Marcus controls his breathing as he holds his side.

MARCUS

Go ahead. Jump. A meal is a meal to a wolf, if that’s the only thing you chance to encounter.

She considers then slaps him again, this side on the other part of his face before sitting back down.

CARLEY

Didn’t want your face to be off balance.

MARCUS

Do that again, and—

Carley springs from her seat and tenderly takes his face in her hands.

CARLEY

(mocking)

Oh, darling, do you have a boo-boo?

Marcus pushes her back and makes himself a bigger.

MARCUS

Sit back and keep those Herculean paws at bay, doll.

CARLEY

What’s the point, Marcus?

MARCUS

You’re not seeing the big picture, Carley. I mean, can you fathom it? If we—no, when we find it…we…it’s what so many dream of, you know, to have and to hold.

Carley folds her arms and looks out the window. Not happy, but stuck and she knows it. Marcus sidles next to her.

MARCUS

We’re going to find it, Car. You, me, together.

CARLEY

If you start singin’ I’m gonna clobber you.

MARCUS

We’ll make the papers, be in books. Isn’t that what you want?

CARLEY

You’re so certain of yourself, aren’t you.

MARCUS

We get in, schmooze the fella for a week, humor the old bugger, then…

Marcus slips his arm around Carley.

MARCUS

Then you’ll get to be somewhere warm, somewhere fun, somewhere with someone. Somewhere…with me.

Marcus stares into her eyes and she elbows him and removes his arm. She looks at him. Gives him a real hard, long look.

CARLEY

You really are a piece—

Marcus kisses her. She wants this. She never felt how bad until now. She kisses back. He kisses her cheek. He kisses her neck. Carley moves her head back. Marcus opens his mouth wide and fangs descend as he moves in for another taste…

[Michael Jones]

Susan —

First, impressed by how you Russianize the names. Great opening action and suspense plus predictions with Filipp’s trying to let Brendi have an ‘accident’ during one of their acts. Filipp’s nice recovery later by having the audacity to snuggle up to her when she knows what he was trying to do. Good use of subtext with their interaction and how their traits show influence how each one will react. I gotta say, Filipp’s a bit unlikable (well done!). The “feigning disbelief.”

The twist with Brendi as a high-ranking agent works, but her risking letting an assassin go, especially one that tried to off her seems a rather poor decision on her part. Perhaps, she could let him think he gets to leave but is waiting for him to fall into her trap. Nevertheless, she can do whatever you want her to do because that might be the actual decision you have your character make and it’s a sign of a good character when anyone can criticize it for such a reason.

Good use of transliteration. In a script though, you’ll probably write the translation with a parenthetical note that she is speaking Russian. You could also have an appendage to the script with the scene with the actual Russian script for the scene (Stranger Things writers did this in their Season Four script, I think it was episode nine, “The Piggyback,” and it’s available on The Script Lab).

Wonderful twist in showing Filipp genuinely caring for Brendi but being an assassin. But a fine twist in showing, at least in this case, his hands are tied due to some threat to his brother. Makes his actions sacrificial, even if he doesn’t want to do it.

You capture the dialect exceedingly well and layer it with mystery and intrigue. Who is Filipp? What will Brendi do when she finds him? Will they join forces to save Filipp’s brother and have a Mission Impossible kind of relationship?

The writing flows, is concise and forms a clear picture. You’re writing truly has blossomed to this point.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s QE Cycle 5 Revision

LOGLINE: Phillip and Brandy run from a pursuing detective after executing their plan to steal an important book from Phillip’s past.

ESSENCE: Phillip and Brandy play each other to get something the other has.

EXT. VILLAGE CHURCHYARD – NIGHT

Phillip hurries Brandy to the edge of the cliff in the eerie Victorian churchyard overlooking the Atlantic below. A muffled VOICE follows but they can’t make it out, but the following GUNSHOT they hear with utter clarity.

Phillip pushes Brandy behind a tree and he takes cover behind another parallel to her.

BRANDY

Nice place.

PHILLIP

Not as green as great-grandpa described. But, you know, time and tide.

Another gunshot and this time it takes the bark off Phillip’s tree.

VOICE

This doesn’t have to end in injury.

Phillip peeks out from the tree and sees the VOICE approaching and another FAINT FIGURE further behind.

BRANDY

Distract him.

PHILLIP

What are you gonna do?

BRANDY

Get away.

PHILLIP

Can I see it?

BRANDY

This is hardly the place.

PHILLIP

If you only knew.

BANG!

BRANDY

Or the time.

(to the Voice)

Stop shooting, already!

PHILLIP

Brandy, please, I need to see it.

BRANDY

Always such a rush with you.

PHILLIP

Please.

Brandy reaches into her bag and takes out a cloth-wrapped package. She swings it a couple times getting ready to toss it to him and when she does she lets it go…

…right off the cliff into the waters below. Phillip, aghast.

BRANDY

Guess it’s like the vacation you promised me, now, isn’t it. Riches and comforts, you said.

She takes out another package and waves it at him.

BRANDY

This’ll do the trick. You can come, if you want, but if not, oh well.

Anger surges in Phillip and he steps out from the tree towards her but the VOICE, now embodied before him as DETECTIVE HENNY, aims his gun at him.

DETECTIVE HENNY

Another step and you’ll find a permanent home here.

Brandy mocks Phillip with a victorious smirk but Detective Henny gets in view and lets the threat of the gun urge her out of hiding. She does so but also takes note of the drop-off behind her.

The Faint Figure ducks behind a grave.

PHILLIP

Who’s that with you?

DETECTIVE HENNY

I have a whole army with me but you ain’t gettin’ me to turn around so you can try to run.

PHILLIP

Someone’s with you.

Detective Henny pats his revolver.

DETECTIVE HENNY

And she’s dyin’ to speak. Just try it and I’ll let ‘er talk.

PHILLIP

I need to show you something.

DETECTIVE HENNY

Don’t move.

PHILLIP

I have to. It’s in her bag.

DETECTIVE HENNY

I see something and you’re a flyin’ to be food for the fishies.

Phillip nods and edges to Brandy and forces her in front of him like a shield. A bullet whizzes by.

BRANDY

Watch it! I’ve a plane to catch.

DETECTIVE HENNY

They don’t get any plainer than prison.

BRANDY

I’ve got money and I’ll give it to you if you let me go. You can have him.

Phillip has his hand in her bag…

BANG!

Detective Henny drops his gun and grabs his chest. A perfect shot if the heart’s the target. Smoke rises from the hole in Brandy’s bag.

BRANDY

Find what you’re looking for?

Phillip pulls out the gun aiming it at Brandy but also takes a package out in his other hand.

BRANDY

Now we can take that vacation. You didn’t think I’d forget that, did you?

Phillip observes the book, like something he’s long sought has finally been found.

BOOK

“A Christmas Carol. In Prose. Being a Ghost Story of Christmas.” The first page shows a first edition copy with a handwritten tribute to a Mr. Bob Cratchit.

BACK ON PHILLIP

A boyish smile returns to his face but Brandy knocks him out of his reverie with a hefty right hook.

He falls back but ducks in time to miss the next one, but she loses her footing and trips almost going over the edge.

BRANDY

I just want that vacation. That promise. Phillip, let’s get out of here. Let’s see some sun and other warm comforts.

Phillip takes her bag, withdraws the money and tosses everything else over the cliff.

PHILLIP

You need a vacation. I won’t get in the way. Happy travels.

With that, Phillip boots her over the cliff. His eyes follow the descending echo of an unhappy traveller.

PHILLIP

We’re all fellow passengers on the way to the grave. Looks like your stop is here.

The Faint Figure appears before Phillip. It really is faint. Ghost-like. Maybe, because, it’s a ghost!

PHILLIP

It can’t be. This isn’t you. It can’t be. You could be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard.

The Faint Figure just glares at him, unamused, unspoken.

PHILLIP

I recognize you.

The Faint Figure points to a grave in the churchyard.

PHILLIP

I know it well. So, you’re my Grandpa Tim.

The Faint Figure nods.

PHILLIP

I have it back. It’s in the family again. The memoirs of Scrooge’s nephew’s friend.

The Faint Figure remains motionless.

PHILLIP

I had no choice, really, I didn’t. She would’ve seen me go the same way. Her or me. I guess we have to do what we need to keep alive. If you just—

The Faint Figure kicks Phillip in a most powerful way and Phillip flies into the air as if he were a ball heading for a goal…if only the goal wasn’t a bunch of jagged rocks below.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Character Descriptions

I learned that focusing on character descriptions helps with possible plot directions and gives characters to create dramatic situations out of. It is overwhelming to deal with so much data at the moment and to lose some of it when distilling it into manageable pieces but it’s interesting to see how a thought has developed into a possible series.

ATTICUS TAYLOR

Role: A post-university undergraduate struggling to make a living while dealing with the disappearance of his brother.

Noteworthy traits: Smart, insightful, kind, curious.

Intriguing history: Offered post-grad opportunity but couldn’t afford it.

Intrigue: Brother disappeared looking for this powerful artifact; wants to have purpose, wants to find brother; might blur ethical boundaries in the process.

Mystery: What is the artifact? What does it have to do with his brother’s disappearance?

Drive the conflict: In over his head with all the competing groups vying for the artifact; sometimes acts alone and makes his friends feel outside or jealous.

Irony: Artifact power vs personal weakness; insecurity leads to bad decisions; attempting to do good, fails to do so by letting the power go. Unpredictable: Moments of insecurity lead to poor decisions.

Intriguing relationships: Morrigan, Olivia, Thad, Sophie, cousin Kieran Hawthorne, and archaeologist Mortimer Greenfield.

MORRIGAN GRIMOIRE

Role: Struggling bookstore owner who joins a newfound secret society with grandiose plans of global influence and control.

Noteworthy traits: Well-read, wounded, idealistic, charismatic.

Intriguing history: Successful bookstore owner; decline since online commerce; able to find rare books for people; both parents died.

Intrigue: Joined a secret society and wants to lead it into the future.

Mystery: What is this secret society? Why does he want the artifact?

Drive the conflict: Volunteers on an archaeological excavation to find the artifact for himself and challenge the societal founder and change the world; he will do what he has to in order to get what he wants.

Irony: Wants to control the world for good, but will behave in ways that show he isn’t so concerned for others as he is for seeing a world where his values are justified and others are condemned. Unpredictable: Violent outbursts and behaviours that lead to threatening situations; impulsive.

Intriguing relationships: Atticus, Mortimer, Thad, Olivia, Sophie, Claire, Helen, and the anonymous leader of the the secret order.

HOW TO WRITE IT

For this rough draft, it is a matter of two things. First, having us experience who the characters are early in the show. What do we see for the first few scenes they are in? Second, take the list from the Key Ingredients above and organize them into a start, middle, and ending.

START: Present the character as someone we can relate to.

MIDDLE: Conflict, intrigue, and issues.

ENDING: A final punchline that hooks us and sends us into the future of the story.

And remember, this isn’t about perfection. It is about selecting the intriguing parts and organizing them so they flow in a way that makes sense. Once you’ve done that, then do a quick edit to create the description.

ATTICUS TAYLOR

START: An insightful post-university undergraduate struggling to make a living while dealing with the disappearance of his brother.

MIDDLE: Traits, insights that will lead to finding the artifact; fear when confronted with the artifact and its power.

END: Finding the artifact but not prepared for its power and has guilt over the methods he used to find it.

An insightful post-university undergraduate struggling to make a living after so much promise and haunted by the disappearance of his brother has another opportunity to make something of himself when his cousin hires him to join an excavation and seek the artifact.

Since the artifact is tied to his brother’s research, he thinks there’s a chance he’ll find what happened to him. He struggles for identity, for purpose, for the family he lost and the illusions he had before finding his gifting wasn’t good enough. He’ll find the artifact but in a moment of weakness, lower his guard and lose it.

MORRIGAN GRIMOIRE

START: Struggling bookstore owner who joins a newfound secret society with grandiose plans of global influence and control after living with the hardships of his parents deaths.

MIDDLE: Traits, struggles to keep his bookstore afloat but finds rare books for people and houses a new secret society that is really just forming into a cult and has grandiose plans to accomplish a better society.

END: He thinks the artifact is key to his success and that he’ll overthrow the anonymous founder and usher in a utopian future so pain isn’t so common.

A struggling bookstore owner who finds a new identity in a newfound secret society joins an archaeological excavation as a volunteer digger to retrieve an supposed artifact purported to have powers of influence.

The leader of the secret order is anonymous and wields massive control but Morrigan thinks he can replace him for something better. This is realized when he convinces Atticus’s friend Thad to steal the artifact for him. Once in his possession, his aspirations cloud his judgment, and he doesn’t much care about it.

AI Prompt:

In 3 sentences, can you write an intriguing description of this [character] for [format/genre] about [concept] in [intriguing world] that comes from the best parts of the character’s dilemmas, mystery, hidden layers, secrets, wounds, and intriguing points for the [character pitch]. Especially focus on what it is about this character that will cause problems for the others or the story line.

Character Pitch = A 3 sentence introduction to this character that have us see why this is the “perfect character” for this role and will instantly intrigue the reader and cause them to want to know more.

Format/genre = 1 Hour TV Mystery/Adventure

Concept = An archaeological undergraduate teams up with a charismatic bookstore owner to stop a secret society from acquiring a powerful artifact to be used in their desires for global control.

Intriguing World = Volunteers for an archaeological excavation and cultic underground.

Character = ATTICUS TAYLOR

Role: A post-university undergraduate struggling to make a living while dealing with the disappearance of his brother.

Noteworthy traits: Smart, insightful, kind, curious.

Intriguing history: Offered post-grad opportunity but couldn’t afford it.

Intrigue: Brother disappeared looking for this powerful artifact; wants to have purpose, wants to find brother; might blur ethical boundaries in the process.

Mystery: What is the artifact? What does it have to do with his brother’s disappearance?

Drive the conflict: In over his head with all the competing groups vying for the artifact; sometimes acts alone and makes his friends feel outside or jealous.

Irony: Artifact power vs personal weakness; insecurity leads to bad decisions; attempting to do good, fails to do so by letting the power go. Unpredictable: Moments of insecurity lead to poor decisions.

Intriguing relationships: Morrigan, Olivia, Thad, Sophie, cousin Kieran Hawthorne, and archaeologist Mortimer Greenfield.

MORRIGAN GRIMOIRE

Role: Struggling bookstore owner who joins a newfound secret society with grandiose plans of global influence and control.

Noteworthy traits: Well-read, wounded, idealistic, charismatic.

Intriguing history: Successful bookstore owner; decline since online commerce; able to find rare books for people; both parents died.

Intrigue: Joined a secret society and wants to lead it into the future.

Mystery: What is this secret society? Why does he want the artifact?

Drive the conflict: Volunteers on an archaeological excavation to find the artifact for himself and challenge the societal founder and change the world; he will do what he has to in order to get what he wants.

Irony: Wants to control the world for good, but will behave in ways that show he isn’t so concerned for others as he is for seeing a world where his values are justified and others are condemned. Unpredictable: Violent outbursts and behaviours that lead to threatening situations; impulsive.

Intriguing relationships: Atticus, Mortimer, Thad, the anonymous leader of the the secret order.

Answer:

In the depths of an archaeological excavation and a world cloaked in cultic intrigue, Atticus Taylor, an astute yet financially constrained undergraduate, wrestles with the haunting disappearance of his brother. His relentless pursuit of purpose intertwines with the enigmatic artifact coveted by shadowy factions, blurring ethical boundaries and risking isolation from friends who feel sidelined by his solo ventures, all while his insecurities push him toward morally gray decisions.

Meanwhile, Morrigan Grimoire, a once-prosperous bookstore owner, harbors a wounded idealism within his charismatic facade. Struggling against the decline of his trade and grappling with a secret society’s allure, Morrigan’s ambition to steer the organization’s future converges with his quest for the artifact. His paradoxical desires for global change clash with impulsive, even violent actions, hinting at a darker, unpredictable side that threatens the very values he claims to champion.

Together, their intertwined pursuits and inner conflicts ignite a labyrinthine narrative, weaving a tapestry of mysteries surrounding the artifact’s significance, the covert society’s intentions, and the unsettling revelations about their own motivations, promising a riveting tale of ambition, moral complexity, and unforeseen consequences.

OLIVIA MASON

Role: Skeptic, friend of Atticus and science undergrad.

Noteworthy traits: Scientific, logical, ethical, deceptive.

Intriguing history: Has smuggled evidence from a lab she works at and ponders exposing their unethical practices while on leave to help Atticus.

Intrigue: She has information that could harm her lab and others’ careers but her personal decisions don’t always override the logical choice.

Mystery: What is the lab doing? How will she help acquire the artifact? What path will she take when the artifact is found?

Drive the conflict: Her struggles with ideals over practical realities and the consequences such might have parallels the struggles with Morrigan and the others.

Irony: Facts of science with moral ambiguity and decisions that take emotions into account. Life can’t be distilled down into material observation and experimentation only but she strives to do both.

Intriguing relationships: Morrigan, Atticus, Thad, Sophie, Kieran Hawthorne, and archaeologist Mortimer Greenfield.

START: Skeptical friend recruited by Atticus goes on leave to aid him on the archaeological excavation at a moment she’s uncovered evidence for unethical practices in the lab she works at.

MIDDLE: Traits, struggles the ethical dilemma on what to do when a journalist publishes it leaving her to deal with the fallout. She clashes with Sophie over a scientific worldview over a conspiratorial one.

END: The artifact exposes her weakness and threatens her perspective as she comes to terms with what it is and what it does.

SOPHIE FAIRCLOUGH

Role: Conspiracy Theorist, Influencer, Bachelor of Arts degree.

Noteworthy traits: Analytical, open-minded, sympathetic, insecure.

Intriguing history: Has an pseudonym social media presence, popular dealing in conspiracies and utopian ideals.

Intrigue: Her background and interests allows her to know about the newfound cult and Morrigan’s association with it.

Mystery: Will she expose Morrigan and risk her identity becoming public? What will her relationship be with her friends.

Drive the conflict: Her conspiracy-prone opinions clash with Olivia and cast doubt over her understanding leaving her to feel dismissed. Will they believe her knowledge about Morrigan? The artifact?

Irony: Seeks truth and openness to knowledge while shrouding herself in secrecy.

Intriguing relationships: Morrigan, Atticus, Thad, Olivia, Kieran Hawthorne, Helen Voss, Charlotte Foster, and archaeologist Mortimer Greenfield.

START: Conspiracy-prone podcaster and You-Tuber under a pseudonym joins her friends for the dig to take a break and try to find herself.

MIDDLE: Traits, struggling for transparency while keeping secrets. Knows who Morrigan is but to expose him is to expose herself. She leaks the story to Helen about Olivia’s lab and Olivia blows up on her. Conflict of worldviews ensues.

END: The artifact and what happens to it tests her loyalties and who she wants to be depends on what choice she makes.

THAD PARKER

Role: Historian and Atticus’s friend given an opportunity by Atticus while struggling to survive while saving for Grad school.

Noteworthy traits: Bitter, opportunist, proud, sympathetic.

Intriguing history: Dad a janitor at a museum and member of a secret society.

Intrigue: To document rise of new secret order for Ph.D. Thesis and wants to join it and rise in it.

Mystery: Will Thad betray Atticus to help Morrigan and his own future career? What is he trying to accomplish? Whose side is he on?

Drive the conflict: His bitterness and desire to advance beyond his station in life cause him to conflict with both Atticus, Morrigan, Olivia, and Sophie while he becomes the key in what happens to the artifact when Atticus finds it.

Irony: Knows history but doesn’t learn from it. Tries to use logic but acts emotionally.

Intriguing relationships: Morrigan, Atticus, Sophie, Olivia, Kieran Hawthorne, Helen Voss, Charlotte Foster, and archaeologist Mortimer Greenfield.

START: History major who has to pause studies to save money for Grad school deals with the challenge of saving money while struggling to survive. Joins Atticus for an opportunity to both make money and pursue the topic for his Ph.D Thesis.

MIDDLE: Traits, tests loyalties when Morrigan has the means to solve his problems, both scientific and academic. Offered a chance to be in the order but must betray Atticus to do so.

END: He steals the artifact from Atticus and gives it to Morrigan.

[Michael Jones]

LOGLINE: Phillip and Brandy hideout by a waterfall while being chased after a burglary.

ESSENCE: Phillip wants something Brandy has, but she doesn’t want to give it.

SCENE:

EXT. WATERFALL – NIGHT

Brandy and Phillip catch their breath, backs against the cliff wall. Above them, lights and VOICES go past. Phil steps out after the last voice. He looks up then goes to the edge and looks down.

Brandy walks up to him, looks like she’s about to clock him a good one, but instead…

…she fist-pumps the air.

BRANDY

Woo-hoo! Yes!

Phillip covers her mouth putting a finger to his and pointing up. Something, or someone is above them. Phillip leans in and whispers.

PHILLIP

Discreet. Can I let you go or you gonna’ dance ‘round?

Brandy nods and mimes zipping her lips. Phillip eases his hand off while looking for signs of the thing above.

BRANDY

(quiet)

You have a stupid name. Cratchit.

PHILLIP

Please, will you please…no, I am asking, no begging you, please be quiet a moment then you can be the incredibly sweet, fun-loving, care-free looney you want, my dearest of dears.

BRANDY

Phillip Cratchit. Sounds like a disease.

PHILLIP

Where is it?

BRANDY

What? Here? It’ll get wet.

PHILLIP

Please, I’ve waited so long for it.

Brandy reaches into her bag and pulls out a cloth-wrapped book.

BRANDY

It won’t help you, you know. This isn’t what you promised me.

PHILLIP

I got the money, but money isn’t everything.

Phillip reaches for the cloth-wrapped book and Brandy withdraws her arm and then extends it over the waterfall. Phillip reaches for it in a panic then stops himself.

PHILLIP

Please…Brandy, I know it’s just a book, but it’s important to me. It’s kind of my history, if-you-will.

BRANDY

No, Phillip, it’s just a book.

She lets go and the cloth-wrapped book plummets into the churning waters below. Phillip lunges for her and almost loses his footing. Brandy laughs in a playful manner.

BRANDY

We got what we need. Now, let’s go take that vacation you’ve promised me when you used to make those kinds of things. I wanna go back to the way things were.

HENNY

Then you shouldn’t have done it, Brandy.

DETECTIVE HENSHAW (HENNY), forty-eight years with greyish stubble and unkempt hair holds a pistol towards the two.

Phillip jerks towards him but Henny aims for his head.

HENNY

I really wouldn’t, Phil.

PHILLIP

Please, sir, I wasn’t going to do anything. Not to you. Not to any of them. We don’t harm people. I’ve never even taken anything before…but times are hard…and what we took…well…well, that belongs to me.

HENNY

If the law saw it that way, it would be in your possession by another manner. Now what did you do with it.

BRANDY

It slipped.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is the variety of ideas a lot of brainstorming can generate. So many of the ideas can lead in different directions with different results and it helps overcoming the idea that I have to stick with one and only one way to tell the seen. The sequence also helps structure scenes for interest. That, blended with character traits, max entertainment techniques, and scene essence can free any writer to tackle any character and any scene. Not saying I did this here, but that’s the goal I see to practice towards.

Demand 1: Thad learns that Morrigan belongs to a secret order and he wants to join it, but Morrigan gives him a task to begin the process.

Cover up 1: Thad suspects Morrigan is more than just a volunteer on the dig site.

Reveal 1: Morrigan will help Thad into the order if he steals the artifact from Atticus, Thad’s best friend.

Demand 2: Olivia’s lab sample to help her expose her the unethical practices at her job goes missing.

Cover up 2: Thad offers to help Olivia expose her lab but she must do this on her own.

Reveal 2: Thad gives Morrigan the sample with has the power to create a massive pandemic if released.

The artifact is the ‘crown of King Arthur’ said to be buried in Merlin’s grove which he sent to Avalon for when Arthur returns. Morrigan wants to use this crown and declare himself to be Arthur returned.

The reveals I set-up are for a potential episode of a tv series which can either be a half-hour or one-hour mystery/adventure. Here, I’ll highlight a scene from a possible episode. The main character is an archaeology undergrad struggling with life after university only to be given an opportunity by his cousin in a secret service of the government to find out the new interest on a dig site in the supposed resting place of the fabled King Arthur.

I wanted to focus on the first demand, cover up, and reveal. This is Thad’s turning point, a bad decision in relation to his lot with his life at the moment. This would be in the third or fourth episode of an eight to ten episode streaming series.

Logline: Thad threatens to reveal Morrigan’s ties to a secret order unless Morrigan lets him join it.

INT. LIBRARY – EVENING

Morrigan locks the door to his shop just as Thad rushes up and starts banging on the shop door. Morrigan gestures for him to go away, but Thad stands there, stubborn, refusing to leave, giving the occasional challenging bang on the door.

Morrigan, with reluctance, opens. Thad comes in and Morrigan locks the door behind him.

MORRIGAN

I’ll be at the site tomorrow. Can’t it wait until then?

THAD

Arturus Aeternum.

MORRIGAN

I was never good with languages.

Thad looks at a massive language section in Morrigan’s library.

MORRIGAN

Don’t have to be good at something to sell something.

THAD

I know what you’re apart of.

MORRIGAN

And that is?

THAD

I know what you plan to do.

MORRIGAN

If so, what do you have to do with it?

THAD

I’ll tell them. Then, you’ll never get it.

MORRIGAN

You want in? This way.

STAIRCASE

Morrigan holds a torch, leading Thad down a staircase into…

STONE CHAMBER

…a vast chamber replete with alter and other sacrificial vessels. Morrigan lights some torches near the entrance and turns a dial with sends the fire around the wall in a semi-circular slit.

Thad examines the altar but Morrigan takes hold of him and slams him onto the altar and chains his wrists and ankles to it.

MORRIGAN

Are you willing to pay the sacrifice?

THAD

What? Are you mad?

Morrigan sharpens a sacrificial blade.

THAD

I just wanted to join. That’s it.

Morrigan continues sharpening.

THAD

I won’t tell them. I swear it.

Morrigan brings the knife to Thad’s throat.

MORRIGAN

Good way to drain the blood. Hits the arteries that count.

THAD

Please, I just wanted in. I wasn’t going to say nothin’ to anyone.

Morrigan glares at Thad, then withdraws the blade and puts it away, resuming with calm chat, like nothing happened.

MORRIGAN

What are you willing to do?

Morrigan releases Thad from his bonds.

THAD

Whatever I must.

MORRIGAN

How far are you willing to go?

THAD

What must I do?

MORRIGAN

All this was to make sure.

THAD

Make sure?

MORRIGAN

That you could handle it.

THAD

Being sacrificed? Let me specify, I want to join, but by being alive.

MORRIGAN

I want the artifact.

THAD

He won’t hand it over. You’ve seen him. He’s become paranoid about it. He suspects something.

MORRIGAN

As you did, and here you are. That artifact is why I joined the dig.

THAD

What do you want?

MORRIGAN

You want in?

THAD

I do.

MORRIGAN

Then, find a way.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of practice is needed to understand and master traits (and I am only in the practice stage). It shows holes that can weaken conflict but I do suffer from somehow being able to justify and nuance a myriad of traits to suit any occasion, which can serve a script poorly and sabotage the purpose for the story by creating flat, one-dimensional characters.

RAEGAN: Curious, introvert, fearful, reluctant

CAYDRIN: Confident, extrovert, selfish, impulsive

KEEVA: Adventurous, risk-taker, seeker, independent

ZILLAH: Outsider, snobbish, defensive, brave

RAEGAN/CAYDRIN:

As brothers and Caydrin the older of the two, their parents govern their village and they share the privilege that position naturally offers. That said…

Put Raegan’s introvert trait where he doesn’t like attention or the spotlight with Caydrin’s extrovert/impulsive trait and the two will always be at odds.

Raegan’s curious trait combats his own fearful trait and when on the biggest quest of his young life, his reluctance doesn’t pair well with Caydrin’s confident/selfish/impulsive trait. Allows for a lot of rash decisions on Caydrin’s part that can have adverse affects on the group and make Raegan’s fearfulness really shine. This offers contrast and leads to competition in how they fight for leadership in the group.

Put Raegan’s curious trait with Caydrin’s impulsive trait where Caydrin’s confidence can satisfy what Raegan wants to see or know but in a way that could bring harm to Raegan and the others. Raegan won’t disclose everything he knows to try and reign in his brother where Caydrin cares for others but doesn’t want to appear weak. This guides his subtext and actions with the rest.

RAEGAN/KEEVA

Put Raegan’s curious trait with Keeva’s adventurous/seeker trait and they usually get along for it since Raegan loves to learn about things. It becomes conflicting when Raegan is actually involved in one of those adventures.

Raegan’s reluctant/fearful trait conflicts with Keeva’s independent/risk-taker trait because Keeva will take risks that Raegan’s afraid to take part in while still wanting to succeed, as well. Contrast, conflict.

Raegan’s curious trait also clashes with Keeva’s adventurous/seeker trait because Raegan likes to be more calculated and slow in decisions at first where Keeva just wants to go for it. Competition on how to acquire goal. Subtext used to manipulate the others to agree with them and follow a course of action they think best.

RAEGAN/ZILLAH

Raegan and Zillah didn’t often cross paths. Raegan’s introvert trait with Zillah’s outsider trait served each well, since Raegan only has a small group of friends.

Put Raegan’s introvert/reluctant trait against Zillah’s defensive/brave trait and the two will be at odds in tense situations, especially when Zillah calls him out for his parents’ being leaders doesn’t make him one.

Raegan’s fearful trait conflicts and competes with Zillah’s snobbish/brave trait because she will do what she wants and Raegan is scared of danger and harm. This will mean subtext for each through competition and contrasting views on how to pursue goal.

[Michael Jones]

Susan —

Renee’s threats with the knife were both a surprise and a twist. Especially with her mowing down a competitor with her car to have a chance to win. The ordering was a nice touch. It highlights their traits by how much they order, what they order, and whether or not they change their mind. Suspense over whether Renee will just attack Maxine or not. She seems like she really wants to take her out to. Good hook about not telling the secret and jumping right into the reveal. I can learn a lot about doing that. A brief dilemma with the officers, the anticipatory dialogue with a future promise that Renee will pay Maxine back, and leaving us with a cliffhanger regarding the bikes. Seems Maxine was going down no matter what — accidentally of course. Hopefully, she competes better than she can than making friends.

Great scene, well-executed techniques.

Christi —

Wonderful set-up with the sign of “No Pets Allowed.” Really adds to the twist and suspense that Renee could get caught and lose Maxine. The suspense of getting by Josie and Bobby without getting caught for sneaking in pet food comes off much better in this version. Quick and fun. A nice twist with a light tension to having the by-laws changed and no longer having to live in constant dread of losing her cat.

Short and to the point. Excellent.

[Michael Jones]

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Maxine and Renee press up against the wall of the cave. SOMETHING LARGE can be heard moving in one of the shoots of tunnels.

RENEE

Do you think it knows we’re here?

MAXINE

No. I’m sure it does this all the time. Nice dress, by the way.

RENEE

Thanks.

Maxine shakes her head, then nudges Renee and signals for her to follow.

MAXINE

I’ve been thinkin,’ you know, ‘bout what we talked about.

RENEE

I told you I wouldn’t say anything.

MAXINE

No. I know. Good. Good.

Renee offers Maxine a water bottle.

MAXINE

No, thanks.

RENEE

I don’t have cooties.

MAXINE

What kind of water?

RENEE

Does it matter?

MAXINE

I’ll pass.

Renee thrusts the bottle into Maxine’s hand. Maxine reluctantly takes a sip. Then another big gulp.

RENEE

I filled it at the waterfall.

Maxine spits out a mouthful and spits onto the ground. Renee takes the bottle back.

RENEE

Shh. That thing’ll hear us.

Renee pulls a flashlight out of her pack.

RENEE

Hold this for me, will you?

MAXINE

We shouldn’t have this on.

RENEE

Just a minute.

Renee pulls a handheld mirror from her bag and begins to apply lipstick while checking out her makeup and hair. Maxine, in disbelief, shuts the light off.

MAXINE

Not going to get eaten because you want to feel pretty when it happens.

Renee puts her stuff carefully back, stands and straightens her dress. She holds out her hand to Maxine who gives her the flashlight back.

RENEE

Something about this doesn’t feel right.

MAXINE

Hear that?

Something Large is LOUDER, now.

MAXINE

Sure we’re not moving toward it?

RENEE

How should I know? I can barely see in here.

Something Large gets closer. Renee forces Maxine against the wall. She presses beside her and puts her arm out like a belt holding her.

RENEE

Hold your breath.

Maxine tries but can’t hold it long.

RENEE

Maybe this will motivate you.

Within seconds, a Something Large appears. It’s a giant snake-like DRAGON, slithering past and almost brushing Renee and Maxine.

The Dragon pauses. Maxine and Renee sweat. Maxine vibrates, unable to hold her breath. Renee puts her hand over her mouth and almost inaudible whispers.

RENEE

Slowly. Into my hand.

Maxine exhales as the Dragon resumes its search and turns down another tunnel.

Renee and Maxine breathe in what little relief they can muster.

RENEE

This doesn’t feel right, at all. I’m sorry.

MAXINE

I was starting to enjoy myself.

RENEE

We need to risk a little light. Come on.

DEAD END

Renee and Maxine make a wrong turn and find themselves with nowhere left to go and the Dragon edging ever closer. Renee spots to a small hole in the upper wall.

RENEE

You go, I think you can make it.

Maxine goes to it.

MAXINE

It’s too high.

RENEE

I’ll give you a boost.

MAXINE

Right, ‘cause I’m the short one. Maybe you can help me once your through.

RENEE

I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t.

MAXINE

One of us has to. You’ll never have a chance.

RENEE

Okay, then, but right behind me, right?

MAXINE

Right behind you.

Maxine hoists Renee up and she scrambles through the hole and makes it. She disappears from Maxine’s sight.

The Dragon SNORTS in the distance but close enough to not want to hang back.

MAXINE

Renee?

Renee surfaces.

MAXINE

Renee? You okay?

RENEE

Am I okay? Do you even know what you did?

MAXINE

What? Renee, help me up.

RENEE

Everyone knows.

MAXINE

What?

They just stare at each other. Tears start welling in Maxine’s eyes.

MAXINE

What do you mean everyone knows?

RENEE

They know what you did. All of them.

MAXINE

You said you wouldn’t say anything.

RENEE

You said he wouldn’t die.

The shock and hurt on Maxine’s face halts Renee from her next move.

MAXINE

At least it’s safer in here.

RENEE

I’ll pull you up but I had to let you know.

MAXINE

You win. It’s what you wanted.

RENEE

Not this way.

Maxine drops her pack. Renee reaches a hand in. Maxine doesn’t move. Then, Maxine cups her hands around her mouth and SHOUTS.

MAXINE

Hey! Dragon!

RENEE

Maxine, Maxine, what are you doing?

MAXINE

Goodbye, Renee.

The Dragon closes in. Loud hissing and gliding.

RENEE

Maxine!

Maxine gives one last painful look at Renee. Then, she heads toward the Dragon.

RENEE

Maxine! Maxine! I’m sorry. Maxine?

Maxine jumps and starts clamoring out the hole.

MAXINE

Told you I could get you to apologize. Take my hand.

Renee grabs it but her hand slips and Maxine falls back. The face of the Dragon looks up at Renee.

RENEE

Maxine!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Michael Jones.

[Michael Jones]

Susan —

We immediately see Anne’s scheming trait and competitiveness by taking the missive. Not to mention the humour that envisions. Squire waving a “toodle-oo” shows that he’s taking Anne’s actions in a ‘happy-go-lucky’ way. Squire’s seduction and pleasant manner in in “nibbling Anne’s ear” and getting the parchment back really comes through. I like when he tries it again, rubbing “his nose on Anne’s cheek” (the prompts don’t say he has to be good at it). Squire’s “jig” at the news shows his selfish ambition, especially with the, “I will.” No “we,” I guess. Even when he’s not taking in the details of the king’s arrival but concerned about getting himself ready, and even later when he fusses over himself, not thinking about getting anything else ready.

Anne’s caring trait evidenced while fixing Squire’s “bleeding” hand. I think she seems more caring than just scheming when she takes from her purse to give the cook the means to acquire the necessaries for the king’s visit.

Cleverly confrontational when she smacks him in the noggin with the “hand mirror” (no doubt she’s used to his seduction and charms). Especially taking his “bonnet” and refusing to refer to him as Esquire. But at this point, I’m asking, “Why? Is this guy unaware of what’s at stake? What’s he up to?” And then, the evasion. He’s not worried. Why? He’s got a “Bengal Tiger!” What a guy. Nice twist. It’s unexpected. His happy-go-lucky trait borders on absent-minded but it works, especially when the Tiger lifts it’s leg and douses him in its personal ‘cologne.’

Another twist with the Tiger escaping its cage and Anne still helping Squire when he trips. I think Squire’s been in the wine cellar.

You really succeeded in applying the situation and seen arc. You have several interest techniques, including the end where this whole scene has been creating a future, and leaving us with a cliffhanger. Uncomfortable moment with the tiger spray. Predictions about the king’s entourage arrival, the dilemma, the hook. You have suspense, interesting setting (in the alternate history world of King Henry VII), major twist with the tiger, and surprise both with the urination and the tiger breaking free.

Great work, fun scene.

[Michael Jones]

QE Cycle 4: Write this Scene

LOGLINE: Two dorm roommates have a wager to vacate the room, leaving it to the other if one of them spills a secret concerning the girl living above them.

ESSENCE: To get the other roommate out.

TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Maxine’s paranoid trait to a sarcastic trait.

SCENE:

INT. DORM ROOM – MORNING

Both sides of the room are tidy: both beds, books, posters, and decorations. They are both tidy in all respects except they differ in this one point: one-side is pop-culture to the extreme; the other, personal and carefully chosen.

A window in between lets the sunlight in.

On the pop-side, RENEE (19), sits at her desk/vanity with the care of an artist as she readies for the day. She sings along to the pop song that blares through her phone.

Her roommate, MAXINE (19), shuffles in.

MAXINE

Think you need more makeup.

RENEE

Would not hurt you to fall into a little blush.

MAXINE

‘Cos that’s so me.

RENEE

Sarah is nervous.

MAXINE

You wanna turn ‘Mickey and the Clubhouse’ off there? Can’t hear ya.

RENEE

It is Taylor Swift.

MAXINE

It’s great stuff, truly.

Renee turns her music off.

RENEE

I was telling you that Sarah is nervous.

MAXINE

Sarah? Nervous? That’s out of character. She’s got a nice room, though, you should take it when it becomes available.

RENEE

Well, she is nervous, and despite your little veneer of not caring about what happens, I know you care and you just have a hard time showing it.

MAXINE

I really don’t.

RENEE

Why would her room become available? Did you say anything?

MAXINE

Maybe, I’ll take her room. But it doesn’t matter what I say or don’t because you can’t say anything that isn’t able to be eavesdropped on.

RENEE

Not this again. Are you going to shelter yourself for the rest of your life because you think anyone with a secret agenda is possibly out to get you?

MAXINE

Of course not. I could do what you do, ‘cos that really suits me.

RENEE

I always win.

MAXINE

Only if ya cheat.

RENEE

I never lose.

MAXINE

I look forward to being your first.

Renee continues to fuss with her hair.

MAXINE (CONT’D)

Almost done?

RENEE

Perfection takes time.

MAXINE

Know what they say about nobody bein’ perfect?

RENEE

Always so cryptic.

MAXINE

Just sayin’ you were done a couple hours ago.

RENEE

Thank you.

MAXINE

I’m glad you think that a compliment.

RENEE

Sticks and stones. Sticks and stones.

MAXINE

I think I could make ‘em work.

RENEE

You seriously did not tell her.

MAXINE

Did you?

RENEE

Maxine?

MAXINE

I didn’t tell her.

STOMPS and SOBS emanates from the room above them.

RENEE

You swear? On your mom’s grave? Listen to her up there.

Maxine goes quiet. She glares at Renee then turns her back and picks up a magazine. Renee stops what she’s doing and sits beside Maxine.

RENEE

I am sorry. I forgot.

MAXINE

Yet you can sing to the profound lyrics of Taylor Swift?

RENEE

I mean it. I am sorry. It is just that Sarah—

MAXINE

—will be fine.

RENEE

She did not mean to do it.

MAXINE

What a relief, ‘cos intention changes everything. I’ll let mom know. Don’t worry, she didn’t mean it. What a comfort that will be.

Maxine tosses her magazine aside.

MAXINE (CONT’D)

Wanna get off my bed? I’m afraid the duvet might not be up to your impeccable standards.

RENEE

You can sit on mine, if it will help.

Maxine takes in Renee’s bed fashion and looks aghast.

MAXINE

Hard pass.

Maxine goes to the window.

MAXINE

Figure it’ll rain soon.

RENEE

How can it? It has been sunny all day.

Renee joins her at the window. She looks at Maxine and shakes her head. Something drops passed the window. Renee freezes, great concern on her face. Maxine shows no emotion.

RENEE

You do not think she did it, do you?

MAXINE

I’m and eye for an eye kinda’ girl and it’s not mom’s eye that’s missing.

RENEE

I knew you could not keep a secret.

MAXINE

It wasn’t one I wanted to keep but when you think about it, you’re the one who told me.

RENEE

What did you do?

MAXINE

Let’s just say, Sarah, won’t be attending class, anymore. Boohoo.

Renee stares with shock and disbelief. Who is this? Renee looks out the window.

ON THE GROUND

A computer covers the ground in technological splatter.

DORM ROOM

Further STOMPS above and the door SLAMS.

RENEE

She is alive?

Renee hugs Maxine but Maxine doesn’t hug back.

MAXINE

I’m not the murderer, and if I let slip she wasn’t the only student Professor Boone “favoured,” then, oops.

RENEE

Then, I win.

MAXINE

You win. But I don’t think this is the room you actually want. I’m guessing there’s a new vacancy.

RENEE

You do not want it?

MAXINE

Hey, you win. You get it. I blurbed. I’m many things, but I am just and fair. You win.

RENEE

I have to check on Sarah, but if she does leave, you really do not mind?

MAXINE

Don’t think I’ll get over it, but fair is fair. Besides, they won’t give me anyone else this late into the semester.

Renee hugs Maxine and races out of the room.

Once out Maxine laughs and reclines on her bed, then pops up and blasts Taylor Swift, and can’t help but sing along.

MAXINE

All mine! Finally!

LATER

Maxine enters her dorm room but it’s different. Renee is gone, so is all her stuff. But the room’s not empty. Renee’s side displays unicorns and pandas and dolls and posters of puppy dogs. And someone stands, smiling with arms open…it’s Sarah!

SARAH

Hey roomie.

ABOVE ROOM

A LAMENT from below makes Renee smile as she finishes setting up her new single dorm room.

RENEE

I win.

[Michael Jones]

Christi —

A fun scene and the characters are well-defined from the opening description. The charm and competitiveness come off effectively, especially the back and forth over about starting the fire and cleaning the fish (and since the smell of fish and cleaning is incredibly disgusting, for me it adds to the humour—I live on Vancouver Island people love to fish!) An attraction between the two really plays into the subtext because whatever the scheme of Nancy or charm of Squire, it appears the tactics of each will have the opposite effect and bring the two together in a genuine way.

I think you can use your scenes as writing samples, if you choose, just change the names. You can also indicate this as an exercise for practicing traits and entertainment techniques that you can apply however much and in any way to your work. If you really love a scene adapt it into your script. The prompt is copyright but what you do with it is your own.

We’re almost there, at the end, and it seem like a lot now—I think we all feel it. But, when you’re done you’ll have strategies to make scenes, respond to notes from a producer and have techniques to change scenes that you think can’t otherwise be changed.

[Michael Jones]

QE Cycle 3 Revision

Logline: Nancy and Squire need to recruit gorilla expert, Freya, to guide them to the ancient artifact.

Essence: Nancy and Squire need help.

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

A camp made up of canvas tents and a few cabins wakes to the breaking sun. Dave pokes the kindling and ashes of a burgeoning fire with a pot of water beginning to boil. Nancy holds three cups.

DAVE

Three?

NANCY

He’s gonna want some.

DAVE

Doesn’t do much for himself, huh?

NANCY

Would you?

Squire staggers out of his tent blocking his eyes from the sunlight. Dave adds water to the cups.

DAVE

It’s instant, but it’ll do the trick, all the same.

Squire simpers and bows to Dave.

SQUIRE

You’re a luminary in a dark wilderness, my friend.

DAVE

Sure.

Nancy looks on with amusement.

SQUIRE

I just want to personally thank you, truly, for housing us and sacrificing your own time to help our cause. Graciousness and kindness are fewer these days in most people, but you contain both in a most stunning display.

DAVE

I’ll convince her.

SQUIRE

Cheers to that, brother.

They clink cups and Dave heads for the cabin.

NANCY

Unbelievable.

SQUIRE

I knew you’d be dazzled.

NANCY

How’s your face?

SQUIRE

It’s fine. Why do you ask?

She slaps him.

SQUIRE

I’d like to change my answer.

NANCY

I put up with him for the last hour trying to get him to help us and you just show up and it’s, “Hey, no problem, whatever you want.”

SQUIRE

I told you not to bet me. Unfair odds.

She preps to slap him again.

SQUIRE (CONT’D)

Anything to eat around here?

The cabin door opens and Freya storms down. Dave hangs behind near the cabin.

NANCY

Better let me handle this.

Freya takes Squire by the shirt pushing her knuckles into his chin.

FREYA

Why are you really here?

SQUIRE

Sweetheart, I never took you for the feisty type.

Freya drags him over the the fire and threatens to thrust his head into it.

FREYA

What do you plan to do to my gorillas?

NANCY

Freya, please. We just want to get past them. We need a guide to Gorilla Rock.

SQUIRE

We don’t have to rush if you want to take me back to that cabin of yours.

FREYA

You’re not going to hurt my gorillas?

SQUIRE

What we’re looking for is—

NANCY

—Squire! She doesn’t need to know.

Freya throws Squire down and Nancy helps him up making sure he’s okay.

FREYA

What is it you’re looking for?

SQUIRE

Apart from the good time you’re giving us?

FREYA

You want past my gorillas? I want to know why.

NANCY

We can’t tell you.

FREYA

Then I can’t help you.

SQUIRE

Fine—

NANCY

—Squire—

SQUIRE

—It’s the only way, Nance.

FREYA

Tell me!

SQUIRE

If we tell you we gotta burn your camp down.

Freya thrusts a torch into the flames and lights it, then points it toward Squire.

NANCY

You have a way with people.

SQUIRE

Told you, when it comes to women, I’m on fire.

Freya lifts the torch back and looks like she’s going to swing it at Squire but Nancy intervenes.

NANCY

An ancient artefact, taken from London and buried here. We’ve come to retrieve it.

FREYA

And my gorillas?

NANCY

We want them safe. That’s why we need you.

Freya relinquishes her threatening stance and thrusts the torch into Squire’s hand.

FREYA

Careful with that. (to Nancy). I’ll go get my things. I suggest you do the same, but bring all of it. I don’t want you back.

Freya storms off to her cabin.

SQUIRE

What do you think?

NANCY

I told you it would work.

SQUIRE

I told you.

NANCY

I thought it up.

SQUIRE

I made that thought reality.

NANCY

We…we made it happen.

SQUIRE

Right, we. (looking at the torch). Know how to put these things out?

NANCY

Blow on it.

SQUIRE

Let’s get to it, shall we.

Squire tosses the torch aside. It lands in the mess tent and sets it on fire.

NANCY

What are you doing?

SQUIRE

About to get rich and famous, sweetheart.

The mess tent spreads in flames.

SQUIRE

You said I couldn’t make a fire.

NANCY

Why did it have to be you?

Freya bursts out of her cabin and charges towards them.

FREYA

I knew it. I knew it. You’re trying to chase me out.

SQUIRE

What’s she holding?

NANCY

A gun, Squire. We needed a guide…that’s all.

Freya holds the gun up while marching at them.

NANCY

Why’s she aiming at me?

FREYA

Shut up! Shut up!

SQUIRE

Yeah, Nance. Jacob-Two-Two wants you to stop jabbering.

Freya turns the gun at Squire’s head, and cocks it.

FREYA

They’ll never get my gorillas.

BLAM!!

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s QE Cycle 3: Write this Scene

Logline: Nancy and Squire team up to get a treasure blocked by group of unusual guardians.

Essence: To beat the other to the object, and abandon the other with it.

Scene:

EXT. UGANDA – VIRUNGA MOUNTAINS — DAY

Lush, dense clouds weave through the forest. Squire machetes a path off the main trail. Nancy pierces him with her eyes as she trails behind. She takes a quick peek of directions haphazardly scribbled on a small piece of paper and pockets it.

NANCY

Shoulda’ got one a’ them gorilla finders.

SQUIRE

They’re called ‘trekking guides.’

NANCY

Doesn’t matter what they’re called. Shoulda’ got one is all.

Squire ignores her but catches his hand on a sharp rock. He recoils in pain but quickly recovers, not letting Nancy see the damage.

NANCY

Let me see your hand.

He keeps moving but she stops him and takes his hand. After examining it, she drops her pack and pulls out a first aid kit.

SQUIRE

Nice outfit. A gift from them?

She disinfects his hand and Squire winces then smiles.

SQUIRE (CONT’D)

So you got a little bite in you.

Nancy bandages his hand but while she does, she takes a key from his pocket.

NANCY

Why did you come back?

SQUIRE

Couldn’t let that outfit go to waste, now, could I?

NANCY

You said it’s near.

SQUIRE

I’ve said a lot of things.

Nancy stops, listening but can’t make out what it is.

NANCY

You hear that?

Squire pretends to listen but doesn’t let it get in his way.

SQUIRE

A lot of things make sounds in the jungle, sweetheart.

He begins to hack away again but struggles.

Nancy grabs his wrist and takes the machete from him. She gives him a look and cuts a smoother trail. It breaks into a clearer space.

NANCY

Careful, Don Juan. Know what those are?

Squire looks and a family of MOUNTAIN GORILLAS stand before him and his treasure.

SQUIRE

Those are in my way. You have a natural, beastly way about you. Why don’t you go talk to them?

NANCY

Haven’t made much progress with you.

SQUIRE

Show ‘em your outfit, then.

NANCY

Think we already got there attention.

They had. The large, SILVERBACK, charges. Nancy kneels into a submissive position in time but Squire gets great air time as the SILVERBACK bumps him with enough force to let him think on his trespass.

Silverback examines Nancy then lets her be allowing her passage.

NANCY

How you doing, Squire?

Squire responds with gasps for air and inarticulate noises.

GORILLA ROCK

Nancy arrives at an odd shaped rock, a monument of an aeolian process in a form like a gorilla. She pulls out the paper, lines it up and goes to the back of the left foot, steps back five paces and starts digging.

VIRUNGA MOUNTAINS

The Silverback eyes Squire while he smiles with the JUVENILES as they climb and play around him. He makes his way up, smirking at a FEMALE.

SQUIRE

Lovely hair. Your nostrils have a thrilling flare to them. Spectacular eyes greater than any of the gems in all of Africa.

He softly caresses one Female’s arm.

SQUIRE

If I were a giant monkey, you’d turn my back grey, darlin’.

The Silverback shifts and grunts, about to charge.

SQUIRE

Just need to get through, lovely. Mind taming Mr. Steroid for me?

He simpers towards the Female and nods toward Silverback. Female knuckles over, looks back at Squire as he gives her a smiling thumb’s up. Female soothes Silverback and Squire sneaks away.

GORILLA ROCK

A pile of dirt and an ornate wooden box sits beside the excavation. Nancy takes the key from her pocket.

NANCY

Knew I let ya tag along fer somethin’.

She inserts the key and opens. What a sight! She has it. She has it and can’t believe it. She begins to remove it—

SQUIRE

Honey, you should see me in that crown. I’d be even more irresistible.

Nancy smiles, holding a hand up, relenting. Squire saunters over in time for her to stand with the box under her arm leaving her other one free to jab him one in the jaw.

She runs for it but doesn’t get far before he tackles her and the box goes flying. She didn’t shut it properly and it springs open as it tumbles. A silver, regal crown with gemstones on each spike glitters in the daylight.

Nancy knees him and springs for it but Squire catches her. They wrestle and he pins her to the ground. He musters his best smoulder.

SQUIRE

There’s easier ways to show me you love me.

NANCY

You smell like forest.

SQUIRE

I’ll let you up, but we need that, for both our sakes. If we don’t get it to him, together, then neither of us will get anywhere else, again.

Squire releases Nancy and they watch as Silverback stares at them, the crown at his feet.

NANCY

Sure that’s the real thing?

SQUIRE

Never seen anything like it before.

Silver back takes the crown and puts it sloppily on his head, grunts, and shuffles off.

Squire helps Nancy to her feet, simpering, again.

NANCY

Don’t suppose that’ll work here.

SQUIRE

I think this requires your talents, Nance.

Nancy mutters some gorilla sounds and Silverback stops and turns. Nancy advances and calls out to Squire.

NANCY

I was always the more talented one. You never should’ve been ahead of me.

SQUIRE

Not really the time.

Silverback drops the crown in front of Nancy and allows her to collect it. She cracks a smile at Squire and makes a gorilla sound.

SQUIRE

Since when did you speak fluent Silverback?

Silverback charges Squire and sends him flying again.

NANCY

(shouts in triumph)

He doesn’t care who brings it to him. And, honey, you should see me in a crown.

Squire can’t respond or do much else after Silverback’s bumper-charge but that doesn’t stop Nancy from putting the crown on her head and running away.

But, she doesn’t get far before she trips and the crown flies off her head and tumbles down a hill landing on the antler of an OKAPI that jolts into the camouflage of the forest flora.

Nancy stands, gob-smacked.

NANCY

Doin’ okay back there, Squire? Found a new lead for you.

But she just looks on. What just happened?

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Max Interest 2

I started this off with a couple more kids with some playful banter who turn away from going into this part of the forest while the other doesn’t. I then chose to open it differently and be more visual with it, to set the scene and the tone of the story ahead.

Logline of the Scene: A young Sam goes into a spooky patch of forest during a game of hide-n’-seek and his fun turns frightening.

Essence of the Scene: Introduce Sam and what terrified him as a kid.

Interest Techniques

From Part Two:

1. Hook: Introducing ‘The Whispering Thicket’ and the strangeness of the noises and the place.

Something Unseen: Sam sees something terrifying, we only see his face in reaction to it.

2. Mystery: What is this place? What is the Stone Ruin?

3. Creating a Future: This event leads to the main story of this script where Sam returns twelve years after these events to confront his fear of the forest and what he saw here.

4. Cliffhanger: What happens to Sam? What does he see?

From Part One:

5. Suspense: The sound of a baby crying while Sam is alone in the Stone Ruin. The sound of something moving in the forest.

6. Major twist: Something more terrifying than a Person in an ape-like mask.

7.Put in a More Interesting Setting: Yeah, I know it’s the woods—but this is marked with a sign, “The Whispering Thicket,” and given a warning to “Keep Out!” The thicket ends like a moat to a castle. Forest is navigable once through it.

8. Surprise: Set-up includes the noises of movement and the sound of a baby crying. The Surprise seems to be a Person in a gorilla mask but something has Sam even more spooked.

Scene:

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

Light of the summer sun stretches through the trees as eight-year-old SAM RATHCLIFFE runs.

YOUNG MADDY (O.S.)

Seven…eight…nine…ten. Ready or not, here I come!

He looks back and smiles still huffing along.

PARENTAL VOICE (O.S.)

Don’t wander off. Stay close.

ANOTHER PARENTAL VOICE (O.S.)

Sam? Sam? That goes especially for you!

Sam runs on. He follows a trail across an open meadow. He hears some LAUGHTER as other kids get ‘caught’ but nothing distinct.

On the other side of the meadow, Sam sees a rough-shod wooden sign sloppily nailed to a tree with scrawled writing, that says: ‘The Whispering Thicket.’

Dense forest with almost impenetrable brush before him. Sam hears a loud SNAP of a branch within. He sees another sign: ‘KEEP OUT.’

Sam sees a rough-hewn trail cutting through the thicket.

VOICES (O.S.)

Sam? Sam? Not funny, Sam.

Sam chuckles and follows the trail through the thicket.

EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Sam emerges from the trail into a more open forest. Lots of plant growth but it’s easy to get around.

He sees a large mound not too far off. He goes to inspect.

STONE RUIN

Sam examines an old stone ruin, perhaps of a house but some of the roof is missing and the forest has been successfully reclaiming the rest of it.

He goes inside.

INT. STONE RUIN

As soon as he enters the first room, twigs snap. Something approaches. He huddles against one of the corners of the room.

Silence. No noise. No sound from anything.

Then, an EERIE CRY of a crying baby startles him.

EXT. STONE RUIN/THE WHISPERING THICKET

Sam bolts, sprinting while looking around for any sign of what made that sound.

A PERSON wearing an ape-like mask stares at him then steps behind a tree and out of sight.

He breathes hard and SHOUTS nothing intelligible as he scrambles to the trail.

He takes one final look at the edge of the trail. It can’t be. He blinks. He blinks again.

We don’t see what he sees but we hear it—an aggressive sounding GRUNT. Sam goes pale and SCREAMS as he dashes into the trail and all goes dark.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Challenging Situations

I learned to take some boring scenes and infuse them with more moments of action revealing a character acting in a way that might be counter to how they actually wished they could act. The list of possible challenges gives several options to develop engaging scenes.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Sam and his friends face escalating danger while hiding in the stone ruins of an old building in the forest. One of their friends has run off and chased by a person in a Sasquatch mask. Sam wants to keep them calm while trying not to panic, and when a hunter on a research team arrives.

B. Essence: Sam under increasing pressure.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

1. Goal: Keep calm and find a way safely out of the forest.

Problems with phones; battery drains, low battery, broken, lost.

Need fire wood but it’s outside with whatever else out there.

Eerie place, occult ritual debris and abandoned backpacks and gear.

Something outside getting closer.

2. Needs: To redeem the situation since he led them into this area.

Things go wrong.

Trying to be calm but starting to freak out.

Blame-shifting but feeling guilty.

Abandons them to get fire wood.

3. Values: Frienship.

Wants everything to work out. Just wanted a little excursion to face his past fears with his friends before they all drift apart with the different directions of life. But leading them into this situation threatens to dissolve his efforts.

4. Wound: Growing apart, staying behind.

Everything changes except him. He doesn’t know why.

His friends become more distant. This is the last time they’ll all be together.

He saw a Sasquatch as a kid and has been terrified ever since to return to this area.

5. Physical: Lacks the courage and he trembles and buckles with adrenaline.

Trembles, drops things.

Voice shakes. Panic increases. More emotionally fragile.

Teary-eyed fear.

Angry. Attacks Nate. Lets go and leaves them to get wood.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Getting dark in the stone ruins Sam’s friends: Maddy, Megan, Katie, and Nate—they get colder but are afraid to get wood. Sam suggests they all go but Nate refuses and says that someone is out there and no one else should risk their safety since this was Sam’s idea.

Sam denies responsibility. “How can this be my fault? Is every person to be blamed for making a choice to end up in the place that makes them a victim? Or is it the thing that makes the person a victim to be blamed? It’s getting cold.”

Megan tries her phone but it won’t respond. “The battery’s dead. Completely shot. This has never happened. Maddy’s lost hers and searches but doesn’t find it. Katie has some charge left but Sam persuades her not to use it, yet, until they need to. Sam’s phone is fine but also won’t use it but drops it a couple times by accident (nerves). Nate’s phone is broken and he can’t use it. He’s not okay with Sam’s decision.

They here motion outside. Someone coming closer.

Sam says he’ll get the wood but Nate demands his phone. Sam tells the girls to guard him but Nate wrestles Sam for the phone. Sam recovers and slams Nate against the wall, looking mad-eyed and fearful telling him to be calm.

He lets Nate go, shaking, and about to exit when a gun clicks and a barrel pushed in his face and a gruff hunter enters. “Looks like yer gonna need a fire.”

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Megan, Maddy, and Dr. Julian are luring a Sasquatch to a trap but it’s not the Sasquatch they’re looking for, which is too bad, ‘cause this one’s more aggressive.

B. Essence: Put the characters through horror and tragedy.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

1. Goal: Sam, Maddy, and Megan lure a Sasquatch.

The three friends help Dr. Julian to catch a Sasquatch.

They want to do it without harm or injury.

2. Needs: Sam needs a victory and to keep his remaining friends safe.

His tree knock brings the Sasquatch.

A different, more aggressive Sasquatch.

His friends in danger.

3. Values: Courage and level-headed thinking.

The Sasquatch charges and Maddy freezes.

Sam goes for Maddy but Maddy but Sasquatch kills Maddy.

Sam shocked, makes a move to attack but he’s got no weapon.

4. Wound: His goal destroyed. Only one friend left.

His childhood fear has become his nightmare. Megan left standing.

Fears of friends growing apart by inadvertently bringing them to this place where they died. He should’ve just let them go. Then they would’ve been okay.

5. Physical: About to attack Sasquatch.

He throws a rock towards Sasquatch but misses.

He shouts at it.

He grabs a stick and thinks to beat and stab it.

Dr. Julian warns him than is ripped apart himself.

Sam injects Sasquatch with tranquilizer.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Sam, Megan, and Maddy search, flashlights ready, pausing to listen if a Bigfoot is near.

They think they hear something close but can’t be sure. Sam picks up a stick and knocks twice on a tree breaking the stick on the second knock.

A stone brushes past Maddy’s head and nails Sam in the shoulder. Megan searches with the flashlight. Sam grasps his shoulder. Maddy freezes. A putrefying scent captures them.

As Megan checks, Sam’s demeanour drops. Megan spins, Maddy screams. There it is, it’s huge, but it’s not the Sasquatch they’ve been seeing. This one has a scar on it’s face, some fresh wounds, and blood matted in its hair.

Maddy wants to run but she’s frozen. They all are. The Sasquatch springs to action and Sam tries the brave thing but what can he really do? This thing can tear him apart, so, he does nothing. Megan searches for something. She finds a stick and takes a swing but it has to affect.

Sam leads Maddy away but not quick enough. The Sasquatch captures Maddy. She reaches Sam and he reaches for her. He almost has her but it dashes her against a tree. Blood flows from her head. She’s unresponsive. She’s dead.

Megan weeps at the sight and Sam holds her corpse, full of anger and sobbing.

The Sasquatch stays. Watches.

Dr. Julian arrives and sees the corpse. He sees Sam and tells him to stand down.

But Dr. Julian rushes the distracted Sasquatch, or so it seems because as he sprints to inject the Bigfoot, it turns on him and he drops the shot. The Sasquatch TEARS him apart, the sound of snapping bones and ripping flesh.

Sam grabs the shot and drives it into the Bigfoot’s arm and flies backward. Megan helps him up and they sprint away, towards the trap.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Show Empathy/Distress

I learned a lot about the process. It’s still overwhelming as these lists can get very long, but the focus on the essence of character and what happens to them to allow us to relate to them increases the desire to take the journey with them, be entertained and consider how we might respond in those situations. Also, to look broadly at the overall empathy/distress arc to keep the audience engaged and if the characters have the traction to make it happen.

Big Picture Situations and Decisions Made Because of Main Conflict

ATTICUS

Distress:

1. Undeserved misfortune: His parents leave him to flounder in his student debt and economic stress. “You’re the one that went to school, make something of yourself;” betrayal by friend falsely accused him of academic plagiarism and though he graduated, the stain of accusation haunts him; and possible legal trouble for controversial archaeological practice.

B. External Character conflicts: Intentional: provokes trouble with Morrigan, delicate trust with lead archaeologist. Unintentional: Puts his friends in danger and moral dilemmas.

C. Plot intruding on life: Legal troubles about his conduct on a previous dig come his way when he is close to an answer. He’s lost his place due to no rent.

D. Moral dilemmas: Does Atticus risk everything and act alone, or balance the risk by walking a fine line between following the rules and only breaking them when justified?

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Atticus must risk his reputation and life to solve the problem, which, if he fails will cost him everything, including his friends.

Empathy:

A. Put the character in distress: Undeserved misfortune.

B. Make them relatable: Economic hardships and reputation damaged by rumors.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Sadness, frustration, sorrow.

BIG PICTURE for ATTICUS

1. Atticus without a stable job, finances, parental support, and a rent payment.
2. Lead archaeologist opposes him; doesn’t respect him.
3. Sacrifice his friends to get at the truth.
4. Mason killed in an accident he led him into.
5. Lying to his friends.
6. Facing the consequences of his actions and almost being removed from the operation.
7. Learns about Morrigan and what Morrigan is trying to do.
8. Determines whether to help or expose Morrigan.

MORRIGAN

Distress:

1. Undeserved misfortune: Death of his parents; wealthy snobbery; betrayal from a previous secret societal member; fear produced by scare-mongering of media.

B. External Character conflicts: Intentional: Stages the rituals to mislead media and government; sabotage Atticus; Unintentional: Loses the trust of his friends.

C. Plot intruding on life: A safety audit of his bookstore threatens to reveal his underground plans; Atticus prevents some of the rituals.

D. Moral dilemmas: Will he let Mason die, or spare him to the risk of exposure?

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: After Mason, he knows he must kill to obtain power.

Empathy:

A. Put the character in distress: Moral dilemmas for the ‘greater good.’

B. Make them relatable: Wants a better world, reduce pain and suffering and greed.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Anger, pain, low self-esteem.

BIG PICTURE for MORRIGAN

1. Tired of watching pain and suffering.
2. Begins a series of events that can lead to his emergence as a world leader.
3. Volunteer on an archaeological dig and stage occult rituals to mislead media.
4. Uses deception to advance his cause.
5. One of Atticus’s friends die in his trap to stop Atticus.
6. Visit from rival secret society almost leads to exposure.
7. Bookstore burns and Atticus lets him go.

[Michael Jones]

Susan — wonderful take.

John’s daring from the beginning with his bold entrance into the mansion and his distrust comes through with his constant inspections, expecting “traps,” and his refusal to take an offered drink. Nick sneaks into the room then confidently addresses John, his giving might be seen for buying a painting at an auction.

John seems to dissemble a bit when he says, “I know the feeling.” A bit out of place while his defences are up. Perhaps, while he’s in the room something reminds him of his loneliness so when he says it, it shows its been on his mind.

Great use of scene location, mansion to a futuristic lab in the form of a bomb shelter. Good interaction interspersed with comedic banter.

Nick doesn’t really manipulate John to get him to the bomb shelter since John’s goal is to find out what Nick’s doing. If John hints at Nick’s strategy of always trying to trap people to take advantage of them, it would intensify the situation since they both know what Nick is doing to John but John daring the risk, anyway.

Great idea, great scene.

Before posting, I just saw your comment to Christi about this scene as a comedy. A lot of the parts are there, but to really enhance it into the spoof category, more over-the-top actions, or subtle mishandling of objects, or accidental harm could really bring that out. Anyway, you know what you are trying so I could be wrong. And it’s pretty funny.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Full-out Characters

I made subtle changes to strengthen these characters. The subtext of each allows for a tangible flaw for each character to either overcome, or fail and retain it, losing their chance to progress. Koa is the protagonist and has friends with conflicting interests to challenge him and help him accept change. Nina is the obstacle for Koa but her motives are driven by great personal losses, and Calder has to decide where he really belongs.

The changes are subtle but necessary and I appreciate the lesson in wanting us to elevate characters where my desire is to overgeneralize and keep them safer than I ought.

CURRENT PROFILE

KOA WILSON

Description: A 12-year-old kid who romanticizes adventures to mask his fear of change.

Core Traits: Empathetic, protective, quick-tempered, utopian ideas

Subtext: Koa wants to go on an adventure to keep his friends from moving away.

NINA BLACKWOOD

Description: Nina blurs the lines between folklore and reality with a zeal for ‘hidden’ knowledge.

Core Traits: Knowledgable, deceptive, obsessed, distrustful.

Subtext: Wants closure with her family’s past and to have someone to trust.

CALDER FROST

Description: A Gothic loner looking for a way to belong.

Core Traits: Stealthy, observant, paranoid, insecure.

Subtext: Wants to belong, but sabotages his opportunities because he’s afraid of changing.

REVISED PROFILE

KOA WILSON

Description: A 12-year-old kid who romanticizes adventures but dreads the very real adventures of life’s changes; a dreamer at a crossroads.

Core Traits: Empathetic, protective, quick-tempered, dreamer

Subtext: His imaginative adventures mask his fear of losing the familiarity of his current life, and his actions are a plea for stability amidst the chaos of growth.

NINA BLACKWOOD

Description: Nina blurs the lines between folklore and reality with a zeal for ‘hidden’ knowledge.

Core Traits: Knowledgable, enigmatic, obsessed, distrustful.

Subtext: Her fixation with her family’s past veils her desire for an honest connection.

CALDER FROST

Description: A Gothic loner looking for a way to belong; outcast, a lone wanderer.

Core Traits: Stealthy, observant, paranoid, insecure.

Subtext: Wants to belong, but is his own saboteur, distrustful of the change such acceptance might bring.

[Michael Jones]

Well, Christie, first of all, great intrigue on not revealing what info the envelope is hiding. It’s a compact and emotional scene. As I mentioned before, just because I might not see the traits, it doesn’t mean they’re not there, or that you did a bad job with them. There’s a consistency to this scene that takes effort.

Nick comes off as both confident and conniving in his attempts to get what he’s after for his wife, Sadie (but the ambiguousness of the “she was hoping to get it now…” line can also be referring to someone else without further context—which is fine). He can be rebellious when he goes to open the coffin and search the corpse for the envelope. He’s giving by making sure John is eating and taking care of himself.

John appears distrusting in some of his responses to Nick but really just seems to be after an apology from him. What’s great about this is that in this scene you have each character seeking something. John wants Nick to tell him he’s sorry; Nick wants an envelope containing something that will create a fight at the funeral. He doesn’t quite come off as a loner because he’s at a funeral for his wife with friends and family concerned about him. I’m not sure I got the reason for the loyalty other than he waited until his wife died to yield the material for Nick’s wife. Perhaps, some more references, direct or indirect, as to what they might contain would clarify it. I also don’t quite see John as daring; Nick comes off that way more for his brash approach to get what he wants.

But, well done, for completing the assignment and showing a creative and emotional way to present this scene. The whole point of these exercises is to see there are as many variations as people writing the prompt so there’s always other ways to write the scene. That’s how we double our writing quality and you’ve done a great job at yours.

[Michael Jones]

LOGLINE: Nick wants to know who stole his stash, and John has the answer he seeks.

ESSENCE: Nick wants a name, John wants revenge.

SCENE:

INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM – DAY

John exits the bathroom stall and sees Nick standing by the door. He freezes.

NICK

You know what I’m here for.

JOHN

Stall’s free. (gestures to the other ones). You didn’t need to wait for the one I was using.

NICK

Don’t make me do this.

JOHN

No one’s making you do anything.

NICK

Don’t make me the villain, John. Please, wash your hands.

John goes to the sink, eyeing Nick while washing his hands.

JOHN

Think you could hand me some paper towel?

Nick smiles, pulls five towel squares from the dispenser and hands them to him. As John dries his hands, Nick puts him into a headlock, not too hard, but is it ever pleasant? John drops the paper towels.

NICK

I want a name, John. That’s it. You know so you can help me know, you know? (points to the towels on the floor). You think being a janitor is easy work? Don’t be selfish, John. Pick it up.

JOHN

(still in the headlock)

I wouldn’t want your dad to be outta work.

NICK

That’s not nice, John. (releases John). Go on, pick them up.

The trash is by the door so John readily agrees, but Nick bars the door.

NICK

We can keep doing this until you tell me, but, John–let me tell you–we won’t always be at school.

John tries hiding his worry but Nick picks it up.

NICK

Who’s gonna look out for you? Huh? You travel in a crowd of one. Go on, you can wash your hands again.

JOHN

I’m good.

NICK

Go on. You must want to. You just picked trash up off the ground.

John reluctantly returns to the sink. Nick nods to him so he washes his hands again. Nick takes more paper towels from the dispenser and brings it to him. John takes it and slowly dries, keeping an eye on Nick and ready to step away if he tries another headlock.

JOHN

I can tell.

NICK

I could beat you. But, you wouldn’t want me suspended ‘cause I wouldn’t want me suspended ‘cause that would upset my mom, and neither of us wants to upset her when all we’re talking about is my little stash.

JOHN

It didn’t look like a little.

Nick grabs at John but he backs away. Nick backs him to the wall and grabs his shirt with both knuckles pressing into his jaw.

NICK

Who was it?

JOHN

Ask them.

NICK

I can make an exception about that suspension.

JOHN

What about your mom?

NICK

What’s she have to do with this?

JOHN

Are you seeing a psychologist? You could really use the help.

Nick releases him. He cracks a warning smile, shaking his finger at him.

NICK

John.

JOHN

You use that stuff to fill the void. I get it. You must have a pretty big void in there. (pointing to Nick’s head).

Nick strikes John in the stomach. A hard punch that catches John off guard. John drops to the floor, wincing and gasping for air, clutching his side. Nick watches, guilty.

NICK

I didn’t want to do it, John. I didn’t want to, but you kept at it and then I lost it. You did this.

Nick sees tears in John’s eyes.

NICK

You did this. I mean…you just have to tell me who…just give me a name.

John calms his breathing but still looks bad on the floor.

NICK

I’m sorry, John.

John mumbles.

NICK

What’s that, John? Come on, let’s get you off that floor. It’s a bathroom floor, John. No place to lie around.

Nick reaches out to help him up but John won’t take his hand. He makes his way up on his own. They stare at each other.

JOHN

Who’s it for?

NICK

What’s that matter?

JOHN

You got my sister suspended by hiding a stash like that in her desk when you were almost caught the last time. You want information? Just humor me.

NICK

Tell me first.

JOHN

I don’t think so.

NICK

If you don’t I’ll do it to you all over again. This time I won’t be playing around, John. I’m being nice ‘cause we go way back.

JOHN

Then for old times’ sake…who?

NICK

Jordan and Eric. They find ‘em, I supply ‘em.

JOHN

What a businessman.

NICK

John–

JOHN

Is it true you’ll be expelled if you get caught again?

NICK

I’ve lost track.

Nick moves towards John again and John waits until he gets up in his face.

JOHN

Jared. He put it in his gym bag. It’s in his locker.

NICK

That wasn’t so bad. Could’ve saved us a bunch of unnecessary banter.

JOHN

Can I wash my hands?

NICK

Of course. But you’ll have to get your own paper towel this time.

Nick smiles and leaves. John dries his hand and straightens himself out in the mirror.

John pulls a stash out of his pocket.

JOHN

Thanks, Nick.

He smiles and puts it back, wincing a bit and reaching for his bruised side.

John pulls out his phone and checks if it’s still recording. He got it.

JOHN

Bet Principle Fitz-Wallace would love to hear this. You never should’ve blamed my sister.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Show Relationship Map

I learned I need a lot more work on making the relationship dynamics more intriguing and engaging. It sounds plain but friendships and close relationships can sometimes be greater tests than strangers because they are part of a person’s life and not so easily cast aside. But, I look forward to further development and more practice. I’ll lay this out in more readable way in future lessons.

Atticus Taylor

Morrigan

Olivia

Sophie

Surface

Adversaries, Co-volunteers

Friend

Friend

Common Ground

Invested in the secrets at the archaeological dig site.

Both want to stop corruption; value truth.

Struggling with life after school.

Conflict

Opposing worldviews; distrustful of Morrigan, thinks him to manipulative.

She stole the lab results; truth not always easy.

Quick judgments and conspiracy theories can get in the way of a good theory.

History

Volunteers on a dig site.

Childhood and school friends.

University friends.

Subtext

Suspects Morrigan’s has a nefarious involvement but lacks evidence.

Olivia hides that she stole her lab results from Atticus.

Sophie conceals her knowledge of Morrigan’s identity.

Relationship Arc

A journey of friendship to distrust to competitive to adversarial to a final plea for doing the right thing.

They begin as friends but through trust issues and opposing tactics, become stronger friends.

Enjoy each others’ company but friendship strained when Sophie puts her own success before the quest. A journey to respecting differing views.

Morrigan Grimoire

Olivia

Sophie

Atticus

Surface

Volunteers at a dig site.

Volunteers at a dig site.

Volunteers with differing tactics; adversaries

Common Ground

Fascinated by science.

Likes arcane theories.

Have a purpose for being there.

Conflict

Distrust; blackmail.

Threat of exposure; death threats.

Atticus trying to reveal, Morrigan trying to mislead.

History

Met at site.

Met on a mixer for the job.

First meet because of this job.

Subtext

Doesn’t want to hurt Olivia, but doesn’t want her to be a nuisance, either.

Wants to recruit Sophie into the secret order.

Likes Atticus at the start, but tries misleading Atticus to get him removed.

Relationship Arc

Strangers to Opposition.

Strangers to Opposition.

Friends to Enemies.

Olivia

Sophie

Thad

Atticus

Surface

Friends.

Friends.

Friends.

Common Ground

Youth, life after University.

Trying to advance their own careers.

Want less corruption and a better future.

Conflict

Science vs. Pseudoscience.

Ideas; elevation of her field of study over his.

Not always truthful, perhaps, some old grudges that surface occasionally.

History

School friends through Atticus.

School friends through Atticus.

Childhood friends.

Subtext

Values Sophie’s ideas but values opinions of academic peers more.

Thinks he’s brilliant but has a hard time admitting to it.

Really there to advance her own career; doesn’t put much stock into Atticus’s quest at the beginning.

Relationship Arc

Stronger friendship.

Sees other disciplines in their equally valuable and respective places.

From patching old wounds and becoming stronger friends.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s QE Cycle 2: Write this Scene

LOGLINE: Nick wants to know who stole his stash, and John has the answer he seeks.

ESSENCE: Nick wants a name, John wants revenge.

SCENE:

INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM – DAY

John exits the bathroom stall and sees Nick standing by the door. He freezes.

NICK

You know what I’m here for.

JOHN

Stall’s free. (gestures to the other ones). You didn’t need to wait for the one I was using.

NICK

Don’t make me do this.

JOHN

No one’s making you do anything.

NICK

Don’t make me the villain, John. Please, wash your hands.

John goes to the sink, eyeing Nick while washing his hands.

JOHN

Think you could hand me some paper towel?

Nick smiles, pulls five towel squares from the dispenser and hands them to him. As John dries his hands, Nick puts him into a headlock, not too hard, but is it ever pleasant? John drops the paper towels.

NICK

I want a name, John. That’s it. You know so you can help me know, you know? (points to the towels on the floor). You think being a janitor is easy work? Don’t be selfish, John. Pick it up.

JOHN

(still in the headlock)

I wouldn’t want your dad to be outta work.

NICK

That’s not nice, John. (releases John). Go on, pick them up.

The trash is by the door so John readily agrees, but Nick bars the door.

NICK

We can keep doing this until you tell me, but, John–let me tell you–we won’t always be at school.

John tries hiding his worry but Nick picks it up.

NICK

Who’s gonna look out for you? Huh? You travel in a crowd of one. Go on, you can wash your hands again.

JOHN

I’m good.

NICK

Go on. You must want to. You just picked trash up off the ground.

John reluctantly returns to the sink. Nick nods to him so he washes his hands again. Nick takes more paper towels from the dispenser and brings it to him. John takes it and slowly dries, keeping an eye on Nick and ready to step away if he tries another headlock.

JOHN

I can tell.

NICK

I could beat you. But, you wouldn’t want me suspended ‘cause I wouldn’t want me suspended ‘cause that would upset my mom, and neither of us wants to upset her when all we’re talking about is my little stash.

JOHN

It didn’t look like a little.

Nick grabs at John but he backs away. Nick backs him to the wall and grabs his shirt with both knuckles pressing into his jaw.

NICK

Who was it?

JOHN

Ask them.

NICK

I can make an exception about that suspension.

JOHN

What about your mom?

NICK

What’s she have to do with this?

JOHN

Are you seeing a psychologist? You could really use the help.

Nick releases him. He cracks a warning smile, shaking his finger at him.

NICK

John.

JOHN

You use that stuff to fill the void. I get it. You must have a pretty big void in there. (pointing to Nick’s head).

Nick strikes John in the stomach. A hard punch that catches John off guard. John drops to the floor, wincing and gasping for air, clutching his side. Nick watches, guilty.

NICK

I didn’t want to do it, John. I didn’t want to, but you kept at it and then I lost it. You did this.

Nick sees tears in John’s eyes.

NICK

You did this. I mean…you just have to tell me who…just give me a name.

John calms his breathing but still looks bad on the floor.

NICK

I’m sorry, John.

John mumbles.

NICK

What’s that, John? Come on, let’s get you off that floor. It’s a bathroom floor, John. No place to lie around.

Nick reaches out to help him up but John won’t take his hand. He makes his way up on his own. They stare at each other.

JOHN

Who’s it for?

NICK

What’s that matter?

JOHN

You got my sister suspended by hiding a stash like that in her desk when you were almost caught the last time. You want information? Just humor me.

NICK

Tell me first.

JOHN

I don’t think so.

NICK

If you don’t I’ll do it to you all over again. This time I won’t be playing around, John. I’m being nice ‘cause we go way back.

JOHN

Then for old times’ sake…who?

NICK

Jordan and Eric. They find ‘em, I supply ‘em.

JOHN

What a businessman.

NICK

John–

JOHN

Is it true you’ll be expelled if you get caught again?

NICK

I’ve lost track.

Nick moves towards John again and John waits until he gets up in his face.

JOHN

Jared. He put it in his gym bag. It’s in his locker.

NICK

That wasn’t so bad. Could’ve saved us a bunch of unnecessary banter.

JOHN

Can I wash my hands?

NICK

Of course. But you’ll have to get your own paper towel this time.

Nick smiles and leaves. John dries his hand and straightens himself out in the mirror.

John pulls a stash out of his pocket.

JOHN

Thanks, Nick.

He smiles and puts it back, wincing a bit and reaching for his bruised side.

John pulls out his phone and checks if it’s still recording. He got it.

JOHN

Bet Principle Fitz-Wallace would love to hear this. You never should’ve blamed my sister.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Horror Outline Version 1

Considering where I was at the start, with only a vague concept and jumbled ideas and not much idea how to write horror, I learned to focus on the horror situations including all the moments, reveals, and emotions and see how it plays out and connects with the story. It needs more work and detail, afterwards, but it’s so much better with an outline than having to rewrite from scratch with the chance of losing the momentum of the story, and/or ideas.

“AMONG US, WITHIN” – HORROR SITUATION TRACK

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

A young SAM strays into a mysterious part of the forest while playing Hide’n Seek, loving every second of it.

2. INT. STONE RUINS – DAY

The young Sam hides in the ruins of a stone cottage. He hears a branch break but thinks that’s his friend coming to find him. He’s delighted with himself.

NOTE: OPENING SCENE

Horror Situation: The young Sam hears something and terror grips him when he sees it.

ANXIETY: He hears a tree branch break but it doesn’t sound natural.
SUSPENSE: He investigates, hearing something large, maybe a bear.
HORROR: He sees a head of a young Sasquatch looking at him, then it is whisked up and carried away by a huge one—the look of it makes him SCREAM and he bolts.

3. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

SUPER: 12 YEARS LATER

Friends: MEGAN, NATE, KATIE, DANNY, MADDY, led along a trail by SAM who tells them why he’s been so afraid of the woods and why he never went in them through while in school, but wants to face his fears and do it with those closest to him as one final ‘hurrah’ before they go on with their lives.

He’s leading them to the stone ruins where he had his sighting as a kid.

Horror Situation: They hear strange sounds and meet a solo hiker.

ANXIETY: Eerie sounds of tree knocks and ‘whoop’ calls. <div>

SURPRISE: They see an unnatural tree break pointing towards the part of the forest known locally as, “The Whispering Thicket.”

RELEASE: A solo hiker warns them of some suspicious and unusual activity; tells them to stay away, that’s why she’s heading down.

APPREHENSION/ANXIETY: Nate shows trepidation, so does Sam but he’s determined to power ahead (this is all part of facing his fears); Danny puts on a calm, humorous demeanour; Megan and Katie both curious.

4. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – PARKING LOT – DAY

Sasquatch Research Team: Declan Caldwell, a Sasquatch lore expert; Flint Maddox, a trophy hunter; and Dr. Julian Grimm, a scientist wanting to get Sasquatch DNA. They set out on the trail (an excuse for starting late but positive they can make it by nightfall).

5. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY (LATER)

Sam and friends stand at the edge of ‘The Whispering Thicket,’ in a small open meadow. Sam pauses, facing his fear, then leads the way into the forest.

6. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Sam and friends see the dilapidated ruins of a stone cottage in the distance. It doesn’t have much of a roof, windows or doors.

Horror Situation: Animal sounds send them sprinting to the stone ruins and taking refuge in them.

SURPRISE: A branch breaks by something large. </div><div>

APPREHENSION: They look for the source of the disturbance.

FEAR: A rock flies past them and they sprint for the stone ruins.

7. INT. STONE RUINS

The friends hide in the stone ruins.

Horror Situation: Anticipation of seeing something dangerous but see what’s inside.

APPREHENSION: They lookout trying to see what’s out there. They hear two whoops: one animal-like, one different (as if human). They argue about it.

8. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

While hiking up the trail, Declan hears the ‘whoops,’ and tells Dr. Julian that’s a Sasquatch still in the area.

9. INT. STONE RUINS – DAY (EVENING)

Sam, Danny, Megan and Katie check through the openings while Nate and Maddy ask for updates.

Horror Situation: Evidence of occult rituals and hiker gear unsettle them.

MONSTER REVEAL: Sam tells them what he saw as a kid and a lot of the sounds are similar to that event.</div><div>

RELEASE: The noise stops and they think it’s just an animal, like a bear or cougar but still uncertain.

CREEPY MOMENT: Occult symbol on the floor with markings on the wall, evidence of a fire.
FEAR: Where are they? Is anyone else there? Is the thing outside what did this?

SUSPENSE: Danny finds something in another room of the ruin.

APPREHENSION: Hiker gear stacked in a corner.

The friends argue about what to do next and Danny decides to be the brave one and check outside because they need to get down before it gets too dark.

10. EXT./INT. STONE RUINS

Danny feigns a reaction to something terrifying and mocks his friends.

The others chide him from within but then, Katie and Megan spot something.

Horror Situation: Danny dies from a fall.

SHOCK: A figure wearing a Sasquatch Mask and holding a hunting knife stares at Danny.
FEAR/ANGUISH: Danny shouts in fear and runs off. The others see the Figure, herein known as, THE MASKED STRANGER run past the stone ruins chasing Danny with a hunting knife.
DREAD: Sam and Megan go outside to help Danny.
SURPRISE: The sound of something charging unseen after Danny sends Sam and Megan back inside.
MONSTER REVEAL: More than one threat; easier to hear than see.
PANIC: Danny sees what else follows. He loses control and slips.

11. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST

Flint and Declan searching the upper ledge for the source of the commotion.

Horror Situation: Danny tumbles down the hill above the research team and dies.

HORROR: Danny tumbles with such force he impales himself on a fallen log with a sharp, weathered limb. He dies. </div><div>

SHOCK: Dr. Julian and Declan debate notifying authorities.

Flint convinces them to carry on, and call the death in later. Too close to lose the trail. Besides, Flint thinks he sees something up there. He fires at it while it retreats, but doesn’t hit it.

12. INT. STONE RUINS – NIGHT

Sam and friends bicker over what to do and the Research Team arrives.

Horror Situation: The monster attacks the stone ruins.

FEAR: Rocks pelt the stone ruins. Beast-like animal sounds invade. </div><div>

DREAD: Flint slowly checks with his gun ready.

RELEASE: Nothing. It’s gone.

MONSTER REVEAL: It’s a Sasquatch and it’s speeding away into the trees.

Flint grabs his gear and heads out for the Sasquatch. The others refuse to remain behind but Nate goes with Flint because he has the gun.

Dr. Julian readies his supplies. Declan prepares tools to see and track the Sasquatch. Fearing Sam and his friends phoning someone, they make them join them.

13. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET – NIGHT

To find the monster and source of all their troubles.

Horror Situation: While searching for a Sasquatch, a moment of panic sparked by the Masked Stranger causes the group to separate.

DREAD: Whispers put the group into a panic. </div><div>

SURPRISE: They see tree breaks that are hard to explain. Rocks thrown at them.

FEAR: Sam and the girls run back towards the stone ruins but get lost.

RELEASE: Sam reassures them they’ll be okay if they stay together.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Masked Stranger charges them with the hunting knife.

PANIC: The Masked Stranger separates Sam from the girls.

14. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Dr. Julian and Declan find markings, like runes, in a tree. Declan photographs them. They need to set a trap. Declan heads off to find the others and regroup at the stone ruins.

15. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

The Masked Stranger warns Sam to leave and that there are greater threats than Sasquatches.

16. INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Megan, Katie, and Maddy sense being tracked and choose to take refuge in a cave.

Horror Situation: Megan, Katie, and Maddy hide in a cave but they’re not alone.

ANXIETY: Katie, Maddy, and Megan enter cave to hide from something following them.
APPREHENSION: A horrible smell, but they make their way along in the dark. </div><div>

RELEASE: Whatever’s following them goes past the cave.

SURPRISE: A GROWL from further in indicates something coming. A sound of SNIFFING as something enters the cave.

SUSPENSE: Trapped, they follow the wall and hit a dead end.

RELEASE: No noises, nothing seems to be following them.

ANGUISH: Bones! Megan identifies them as human.
HORROR: Light captures eye-shine of an aggressive Sasquatch approaching.

SURPRISE: Something drives the Sasquatch away from their exit. They rush out and see two Sasquatches fighting behind them as they run to the exit.

MONSTER REVEAL: Two Sasquatches, not just one. Both appear territorial.

HYSTERIA: Sight of the Sasquatches causes Maddy to freak.

RELEASE: They exit the cave and get away with the battle sounds still coming from the cave.

17. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Declan finds Sam, alone.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Masked Stranger isn’t trying to kill them and didn’t kill Danny.</div><div>

18. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Flint examines a couple of tracks and sees a small clump of hair on a tree. Nate completely spooked, acting paranoid.

19. INT. STONE RUINS

Dr. Julian sets up for making the trap.

20. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Megan, Katie, and Maddy meet up with Sam and Declan. Declan shows Katie the markings he photographed. She recognizes them from a paper by a ridiculed anthropologist, Dr. Eleanor Sable.

21. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Flint captures the Masked Stranger. It’s a woman. Flint reveals his plan. The Sasquatch appears and Flint goes to shoot when attacked by the Masked Stranger.

Horror Situation: A situation out of hand has consequences.

SUSPENSE: The Sasquatch shows itself. </div><div>

ANGUISH: Flint attempts to kill the Sasquatch.

HYSTERIA: The Masked Stranger attacks Flint.

HORROR: The Masked Stranger beats Flint to death with a tree branch.

FEAR: The Sasquatch whisks the Masked Stranger away.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Masked Stranger and the Sasquatch are together.

Nate trembles at what takes place before him.

22. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET – CONTINUOUS

Nate picks up Flint’s gun.

Horror Situation: Nate shoots his friend, then himself.

PANIC: Nate poorly fires the gun and he misses the Sasquatch. </div><div>

ANGUISH: Nates friends appear close by. Nate misses the Sasquatch and hits Katie.

HORROR: Katie dies; Nate still trembling with the gun.

HYSTERIA: Nate weeping and laughing, asking who he hit.
HORROR: Nate shoots himself.

23. INT. STONE RUINS (LATER)

Sam and Declan put Katie’s body carefully down. Flint and Nate are covered. Sam attempts to phone, but they have to get the Sasquatch or everyone died for no reason at all.

24. EXT. STONE RUINS

Declan finishes the trap, consisting of thick ropes tied to trees. (When Sasquatch is distracted, Dr. Julian will tranquilize it). The same plan is for the Masked Stranger.

25. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Maddy and Megan are bait. They agree since it helped them and they don’t think it’s trying to hurt them. Dr. Julian with them but hidden.

Declan and Sam take a different way to force the Sasquatch toward the trap.

26. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET/EXT. STONE RUINS – CONTINUOUS

Horror Situation: The trap goes awry.

SURPRISE: An aggressive Sasquatch appears to the girls. </div><div>

MONSTER REVEAL: This is the Sasquatch threatening them.

FEAR: This is not the same Sasquatch.

Sam runs towards the girls. Declan heads for the trap.

DREAD: Declan approaches the trap. </div><div>

SHOCK: The Sasquatch appears behind Declan.

PANIC: Declan bolts and ends up caught in the trap.

FEAR: Declan trapped. The Masked Stranger appears

RELEASE: The Masked Stranger questions him. He says he knows her and that he never meant any harm to come to the creature.

The Masked Stranger tells him what happened.

27. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST (FLASHBACK)

Dr. Eleanor Sable studies Sasquatch family, making notes and interacting.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch family murdered by the military, and bodies taken.

SURPRISE: Sound of helicopters puts the group on alert. </div><div>

ANXIETY: Black helicopters appear.

FEAR: Chaos ensues as gunfire sprays down. Soldiers repel from some helicopters while others land pouring out soldiers.

ANGUISH: Dr. Sable tries to get the Sasquatches flee but two Sasquatch adolescents are surrounded.

HORROR: Sasquatches shot. Only one escapes with Dr. Sable.

END FLASHBACK

28. EXT. STONE RUINS

Sasquatches aren’t the monsters, people are in Dr. Sable’s eyes. The girls SCREAM again. Dr. Sable cuts Declan down. The Sasquatch and Dr. Sable take off.

29. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Dr. Julian tells them to lead it towards him and he’ll put it to sleep. It’s a fierce looking Sasquatch. Sam arrives.

Horror Situation: An aggressive Sasquatch charges and kills Maddy.

FEAR: Maddy can’t move, paralyzed by fear of this Sasquatch. </div><div>

SHOCK: It has scars on its face and body.

PANIC: Sam arrives and it charges the girls.

RELEASE: It stops.

SUSPENSE: Dr. Julian sneaks up on it.

HORROR: This Sasquatch tears Julian apart, literally.

MONSTER REVEAL: It’s a dangerous creature.

ANGUISH: Sam, Megan, and Maddy have no chance of escape. They await the inevitable.
SURPRISE: A ‘whooping call’ and tree knock stop Sasquatch. It sees the other one running at it.
SUSPENSE: Sam leads the girls away but the Sasquatch changes course and goes for them.
SHOCK/HORROR: It catches Maddy and dashes her against a tree; the other Sasquatch fights it from the others. Dr. Sable leads Sam and Megan out of the way.

HYSTERIA: Sam breaks free, takes the needle injector from the body parts of Dr. Julian, runs in and stabs it into the aggressive Sasquatch. A few more beatings and it falls asleep.

RELEASE: The threat is over.

30. EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET

Declan takes a DNA sample from the sleeping brute but is willing to let it go. He gets to touch the Sasquatch with Dr. Sable.

Sam faces his fear but at what cost?

The Sasquatch and Dr. Sable disappear into the forest.

31. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – MORNING

Military and park authorities scour doing their work. The bodies of the deceased recovered and laid out with blankets over them.

Sam and Megan have one final exchange.

32. EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST

The aggressive Sasquatch stands up from a crouching position, bares its teeth and retreats into the forest.

</div>

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Rewritten Scene, QE Cycle 1

I learned the value of observing how others work. By looking at the video critique and returning to this scene and trying to focus showcasing the traits in a better way, I could elevate what’s taking place while revealing character.

INT. MEADOW GREEN – NIGHT

VOICES clang like everyone’s goblets in a cacophony of celebration. The festive spirit catches all in its grip. The ornate horns filled with mead don’t hurt much, either.

A massive bonfire dominates the gathering, emitting warmth and blending the scent of burning wood and the aroma of roasting meat.

Long, oak tables resplendent with food and drink. SOME chatter. SOME listen to the strumming of the lyre of a BARD off to the side, singing and reciting the feats of great warriors.

The lord of the feast, KING HARBINTOLL, sits on his ostentatious throne-like chair in the most prominent spot, and listens to ROBRIC whisper something into his ear before slithering among the other hearth-companions.

PEOPLE cheer the Bard’s denouement, as he breaks to drink with his fellow villagers.

Everyone smiles, boasts, and displays good humor. Everyone, that is, except TRÉOWULF. Tréowulf stands out from the others, being well-groomed and clean, walking with elegant poise and not guffawing about in a drunken stupor.

Robric floats to him, smiling and complimenting People along the way, wearing a shining jewel around his neck. Tréowulf eyes it but attempts to slip away to avoid him by joining a few warriors in a drinking contest, but that doesn’t stop Robric.

ROBRIC

Thought you had enough after today.

TRÉOWULF

I wouldn’t mind you being close, but your breath has all the fondness I have for you.

Robric quickly notes his breath. He’s hurt by the comment but recovers.

ROBRIC

I’m not used to squirrel. Weasel on the other hand—

TRÉOWULF

I need to see your king.

ROBRIC

If only they had you to fight for them, but there’s dirt involved…and effort.

TRÉOWULF

Can you get me a drink while you’re at it?

A Warrior overhears him and hands him one. Tréowulf pours it out, hands it to Robric.

TRÉOWULF

Preferably without the bits of food in it.

Tréowulf leaves Robric holding the cup while he introduces himself to the roaming Bard. He nods to Robric to get on with his task. Robric looks at him, wanting to be like him.

Tréowulf pretends he doesn’t notice but looks at Robric to let him know he does.

Robric returns to his task.

TRÉOWULF

What was that one about, the poem you just sang?

BARD

The Grendelkin.

TRÉOWULF

I would delight, greatly, to recruit you for a tour. To travel to halls of other great leaders, making you renowned, having monasteries record your verses onto richly adorned parchment–would that be of interest to you?

Tréowulf flashes his white teeth, making the bard reach for his own to feel the difference he sees between them. Tréowulf has another drink put into his hand and he drinks carefully, and dabs his mouth with the back of his hand.

He sees Robric speaking to the king, and he raises his drink to him. Robric whispers something to the King.. King Harbintoll stares at Tréowulf with no emotion to reveal his mind.

BARD

That would be of great interest and honor to be led by such a remarkable one as you must be. I would never know you to have had a day of battle and you must be of immense wealth to present yourself so.

TRÉOWULF

Maybe I just like living better than the food we roast.

He hands Bard a small dagger from underneath his cloak.

TRÉOWULF

When you see me led away. Follow and bring this to me, and we have a deal.

He walks away from the Bard and makes his way to King Harbintoll and bows before him.

The Bard conceals the weapon.

KING HARBINTOLL

What manner do you come here during this celebration of harvest?

TRÉOWULF

Nothing of any merit except to extoll your virtue and honor you as the great king you’ve earned yourself to be.

Six GUARDS step forward with threatening stances.

TRÉOWULF

What fear have you of me? I’m unarmed as the customs demand when approaching a King.

KING HARBINTOLL

It makes this easier.

Robric struts up to Tréowulf, leans in and whispers.

ROBRIC

I let him know why you’re here.

The Guards take Tréowulf and follow Robric away from the feast to a small clearing in the forest.

The Bard follows.

FOREST CLEARING

They throw Tréowulf to the ground and surround him.

The Guards move in to beat him, the first throwing a punch and connecting with his jaw. A bit of blood trickles from his mouth. His teeth lose some of their bright color. He rubs his jaw.

TRÉOWULF

Always the jaw. You know, hitting the body in the right places would do a far better job of it.

And he strikes back, kicking the Guard hard in the side of his stomach causing him to gasp for air. The other Guards come at him but he punches and kicks in all the right places.

The Bard arrives and admires the fight. Robric sees the dagger in the Bard’s hand and tries to stop him but Tréowulf beats him to it.

He takes the small dagger from the Bard.

TRÉOWULF

Thanks.

And he slits the Bard’s throat.

ROBRIC

He never was good at keeping promises.

TRÉOWULF

His stories are rubbish.

Tréowulf smashes each Guard in the face with the hilt of the dagger and stabs a hand on each of them. While they writhe in agony and confusion, Tréowulf turns his focus on Robric–and his necklace.

TRÉOWULF

I’m going to need that.

ROBRIC

Yeah? Come and get it, then.

TRÉOWULF

That’s more like it.

Robric strikes first, strikes hard and Tréowulf stumbles back. Robric punches him in the side, then the chest. Tréowulf drops, breathing, backing away. Then, Robric lifts his hand to come down on him and Tréowulf slices him with the dagger.

Robric staggers back but Tréowulf springs on him, hits him a few times, then takes his tongue and threatens to cut it off.

TRÉOWULF

(holding Robric’s tongue)

Since you don’t use it right, you shouldn’t have it. You weren’t supposed to tell.

Robric mutters something but words just can’t form with his tongue hostage.

TRÉOWULF

Can’t hear you.

Mutters erupt again.

TRÉOWULF

What’s that?

Tréowulf let’s go and SMASHES Robric’s head on the ground. He rips the necklace from him. The other Guards refuse to do anything else.

TRÉOWULF

Right, I have a message for your king.

He looks at the dagger.

TRÉOWULF

And here it is.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

I learned to improve this scene by balancing different scare responses and emotions with brief moments of release. Makes the scene way better and lets me feel what it’d be like to be in the characters’ situation.

SCENE: Between Midpoint and Act II Turning Point: Feeling pursued, the girls go into a cave and find they’re not alone and without escape.

Anxiety: Katie, Maddy, and Megan enter cave to hide from something following them.
Apprehension: A horrible smell, but they make their way along in the dark.

Release: Whatever’s following them goes past the cave.

Surprise: A GROWL from further in indicates something coming. A sound of SNIFFING as something enters the cave.

Suspense: Trapped, they follow the wall and hit a dead end.

Release: No noises, nothing seems to be following them.

Panic: Bones! Megan identifies them as human.

Shock: Light captures eye-shine of an aggressive Sasquatch approaching.

Fear: Something drives the Sasquatch away from their exit. They rush out and see two Sasquatches fighting behind them as they run to the exit.

Shock/Hysteria: Sight of the Sasquatches causes Maddy to freak.

Release: They exit the cave and get away with the battle sounds still coming from the cave.

EXT. CAVE – NIGHT

Katie, Megan, and Maddy pause near a cave entrance, listening. Snapping branches, the sound of pursuit advancing.

KATIE

Quick. In here.

MADDY

Have you ever seen a movie where entering caves is safe?

KATIE

This isn’t the movies, Maddy.

MADDY

I don’t like this much better.

KATIE

You could stay here.

MEGAN

Caves around here are connected. More like tunnels and there’s often a way out.

MADDY

You first.

MEGAN

You smell that?

MADDY

Whatever is after us probably lives here and takes its victims here to eat them.

KATIE

Always pointing out the bright side.

More snapping. Closer.

KATIE

I’m not staying to find out.

She heads in and Megan goes with her. Maddy sure isn’t staying behind.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Dark and foreboding. Katie ignites her phone light but her battery is nearly dead. Katie leads Megan and Maddy along, holding hands so they don’t lose each other.

MADDY

I’m gonna vomit.

MEGAN

Put your shirt over your nose, or something.

MADDY

You can’t smell that?

Megan hears something and nudges Katie.

MEGAN

Douse the light.

KATIE

What?

MEGAN

Shh!

Katie turns her light off. They press against the wall and hold their breath.

The Sasquatch BREATHES and SNORTS. It’s at the opening. Everything in them wants to scream but they suppress their desire. It passes and they continue.

A GROWL from further in indicates something coming and it sounds threatening.

A sound of SNIFFING as something returns to the entrance and steps inside.

Maddy squeezes Megan’s hand but Megan lets her. Maddy whispers.

MADDY

Hurry, you guys.

MEGAN

Back off, will you, we’re not going to get anywhere any faster.

MADDY

Switch me, then, and see how you like being the first picking.

KATIE

Maybe you’d like the front. I think it curves here.

MADDY

What do you mean?

KATIE

Don’t have my light, now, do I?

They tuck down the tunnel but they soon hit a dead end. They crouch and remain silent. They might be okay. No noise. They wait a moment. Still nothing. Is the danger gone?

MEGAN

That’s not coming from where we were. It’s deeper.

KATIE

You think it passed us?

MADDY

We’re dead. And it smells so bad in here. We’re going to die in such a revolting place.

KATIE

Quiet.

MEGAN

That’s your concern? The smell?

MADDY

You don’t think that thing can smell us? I never thought I’d die this way. I’m supposed to be old, beautiful and go in a peaceful sleep.

MEGAN

It doesn’t have to smell us when it can listen to you freak out. Besides, whatever this smell is, it’ll mask us.

MADDY

(sarcastic)

Sure, that makes sense.

KATIE

Few die the way they hope, because for most, not dying would be ideal.

Still no sound.

MEGAN

(to Katie)

Use your light. See if there’s anything we can see.

Katie moves but her hand feels something on the ground.

KATIE

I feel something.

She manages to pull her phone out of her pocket and flick the light back on, her phone almost dead. She almost wishes she hadn’t. Bones!

Megan inspects one in the light. Serious realization crosses her face.

MEGAN

Human.

MADDY

Probably from the others whose stuff we saw back in the ruins.

(gags)

That scent is so pungent. You must smell that. Don’t you?

Suddenly, they hear BREATHING. Katie spins an her phone light captures the eye-shine as they see an aggressive Sasquatch approaching. Katie drops her phone.

While fumbling for it, Maddy screams, and then something vicious drags it attacks it.

Megan urges them on, they have to get past and get out. Maddy’s not moving but Megan and Katie put her between them and move her along.

GROWLS, WHOOPS, and SNARLS.

They rush out and with Katie’s light see two Sasquatches fighting behind them. A fierce battle. That’s when Katie’s phone dies, and the light with it.

Maddy freezes, crying but unable to move or scream. How would you react? Two massive beasts, legends come to life, and when you see them, not from the safety of a computer, book, or tv screen, but actually see them living and awesome, would you choose, fight or flight?

Maddy chooses immobility but Katie and Megan take her by the wrists and run from each terrible battle-cry they no longer see. They go from crawling to jumping up and sprinting, falling once or twice, but making for the entrance.

Right near it, near freedom, fresh air, and no bones but their own.

EXT. CAVE

They make it out. The ferocious sounds echoing out but they’re still further away. Not far enough, so Megan and Katie keep Maddy between them as they run.

MEGAN

I can’t believe we’re still alive.

Maddy doesn’t say anything. Still in shock.

KATIE

There’s two of them. I think one of them was protecting us.

MEGAN

It could also just be territorial and didn’t want to share.

SAM (O.S.)

Maddy? Katie? Megan?

MEGAN

Sam! It’s us, Sam!

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Character Emotions

I learned more about the characters and how they might interact and create intriguing drama in the mystery/adventure I’m tentatively thinking of doing. I find all these lists a bit overwhelming but know it’s leading to something incredible so I need to just trust the process.

ATTICUS PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: Finding his brother. / Fear: He might never see his brother again.

B. Motivation: Want: Truth and Fame. / Need: Closure and contentment.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Insecurity. / Public Mask: Confident.

D. Weaknesses: Trust; manipulates to achieve goals.

E. Triggers: Family; dismissal (not taken seriously).

F. Coping Mechanism: Takes risks; seeks avenues of importance.

MORRIGAN PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: A utopian future. / Fear: Won’t get the chance.

B. Motivation: Want: Control. / Need: Community.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Anger; guilt. / Public Mask: Enthusiastic; kind.

D. Weaknesses: Overambitious and utilitarian.

E. Triggers: Family, government, the word, ‘cult.’

F. Coping Mechanism: Member of secret order with aspirations of global influence.

MASON PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: Importance and academic validation. /Fear: Failure and insignificance.

B. Motivation: Want: Academic respect. / Need: Acceptance.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Jealousy. / Public Mask: Supportive.

D. Weaknesses: Blame-shifting and victimization of society.

E. Triggers: Finance, success and accolades of others.

F. Coping Mechanism: Deflects emotional confrontations.

OLIVIA PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: Changing ethics of science./ Fear: Getting caught; failing.

B. Motivation: Want: Justice. / Need: Leadership.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Skepticism, negative. / Public Mask: Trusting, positive.

D. Weaknesses: Distrusting and self-righteous.

E. Triggers: Greed, Healthcare politics, challenges to worldview.

F. Coping Mechanism: Works, reads, and walks.

THAD PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: To find answers. / Fear: Dismissed as a conspiracy theorist.

B. Motivation: Want: To be a serious historian. / Need: Respect from his father.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Hopeless, purposeless./ Public Mask: Sarcastic, fun.

D. Weaknesses:Defensive, cares too much what others think (lacks confidence of conviction)

E. Triggers: Father’s criticism, not taken seriously.

F. Coping Mechanism: Humor, deflection.

SOPHIE PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope: To expose Grimoire. / Fear: Consequences of failure.

B. Motivation: Want: A successful living. / Need: Personal validation.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Loneliness, secret identity./ Public Mask: Social.

D. Weaknesses: Quick to judge, over-confident with little evidence, conspiratorial.

E. Triggers: Utopian ideals, competitor social media channels.

F. Coping Mechanism: Anonymity, private.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!

I learned to elevate this area of the screenplay. It needs much more work, since it’s basically a first draft, and I need much more practice to utilize these in a more professional way, but had fun thinking about it, escaping into it, and writing it.

Scene

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET

Creating Scares/Creepy Moments: Disturbing Environment

Sam disoriented in the rush of things, and lost, too! He’s alone and that’s when the WHISPERS come to him. He can’t make them out. He tries to get his bearings, pointing his flashlight in every direction.

The flashlight shows some brush, twigs, and trees but can’t penetrate the darkness beyond. A wall of uncertainties. More muffled WHISPERS.

SAM

What do you want?

A THWACK on a tree behind him makes him jump in terror. He cries, begging.

SAM

Just let us go, that’s all we want. Just let…please…please…”

He waits. Nothing. No sound.

He jumps up and wipes his face.

SAM

Real smooth, hero. Just be glad no one saw you.

That’s when the Masked Stranger steps out. And Sam can’t seem to move.

SAM

What do you want? We just want to leave.

MASKED STRANGER

I have not stopped you from leaving. Your fear has done that.

SAM

There’s something huge, some creature.

MASKED STRANGER

The night brings on many sounds that are hard to interpret when you can’t see.

SAM

We could smell it, hear it, see enough of it.

MASKED STRANGER

So, this supposed ferocious creature and here you are, still alive.

SAM

I’d like to stay that way.

MASKED STRANGER

Why? Wasn’t this your idea?

SAM

You killed Danny. I saw you, you were there.

MASKED STRANGER

He killed himself, not by me but by the fear instilled by something else. You can leave any time. Go and do not—

Flint clicks off the gun safety and fires a warning into the ground beside the Masked Stranger.

FLINT

I coulda shot ya. Ol’ Flint ain’t much of a miss when it comes to huntin.’

Declan arrives with Nate and Sam runs to them.

FLINT

Get ‘im outta here, he ain’t got the guts to see these guts splayed.

Declan leads Sam off. Nate remains behind. The Masked Stranger looks unfazed.

FLINT

Get lost, kid, this ain’t a viewing for amateurs.

NATE

You’ve got the gun. It’s the safest place to be.

FLINT

Then stay close but not too close, ‘kay? There’s punch in this and you don’t want to feel none o’ that.

Nate keeps close but not too close.

Meanwhile, Declan stops at a tree. He notices markings. He takes a photo of them with his phone.

SAM

I think it’s time we use the phone. We have to call someone.

DECLAN

We’re close, Sam. We’ll phone as soon as the morning comes, but we are so close. This could be are one chance of finally getting DNA from a Sasquatch. We can sequence the genome, maybe clone it.

SAM

How many more lives is it worth?

DECLAN

Look at this.

Declan shows him the photo of the markings zoomed in on his phone.

DECLAN

These tell us something.

Sam nods, pretends to agree and feign amazement. Then, in one split moment he snatches the phone and tries to call for help. Declan tackles him and wrestles the phone back before Sam succeeds. It doesn’t last long before Sam yields and that’s when they hear…

The girls! The girls are close! Sam forgets the phone and calls out to them.

SAM

Maddy? Katie? Megan?

KATIE

Sam?

Declan follows and they meet up with the girls. Sam hugs them and they all speak over each other trying to relate what’s happened.

DECLAN

Hang on. Hold it. One at a time. Now, what about this cave? And more importantly, what did you see?

At the same time, Flint moves toward the Masked Stranger who tries to move but Flint fires another shot.

FLINT

Next time I’ll hit a leg, or foot, or darn well hit ya and be done with ya.

Flint manages to remove the mask: it’s a woman. Nate recognizes her. The same woman they met as a solo hiker on the way up.

NATE

You?

FLINT

Where’s your pretty l’il pet, sweetheart?

Release Moment

Katie focuses on the markings from Declan’s phone. Sam’s signing to her to dial something but she’s too intrigued to pay much attention.

KATIE

I’ve seen these on the internet. On a site belonging to some discredited anthropologist.

DECLAN

That’s where. She researched Sasquatch. Fashioned herself the Diane Fossey of Bigfoot.

MEGAN

Didn’t Diane Fossey use some extreme methods in her conservation efforts?

DECLAN

It was a different time. The horrors she saw done to the gorillas she loved, well, she loved them, didn’t she?

KATIE

I can’t remember her name.

DECLAN

Dr. Eleanor Sable.

Creepy Moment

The Masked Stranger/Woman refuses to engage.

FLINT

See, thing is, Doc wants some DNA, just wants to study it. But I’m needin’ a bit more. I’m gonna find that beast and I’m gonna put a bullet or two, right in its blood-pumper. Then, I’m gonna get it stuffed and stand it as my prized trophy, the first to bag a Bigfoot.

Flint cocks his gun, with the barrel to her head.

FLINT

And I think, just maybe, you be the perfect bait.

A tree-snap in the woods and a SNARL causes Flint

Flint turns and fires, when…SMASH. The Masked Stranger/Woman savagely attacks him. Nate grabs gun and backs away, trembling.

The Masked Stranger/Woman reaches down and grabs a branch and bashes Flint to death repeatedly smashing his skull in, almost maniacal while she does it.

Nate still trying to figure out the gun. Shaking.

Katie and the others hear the noise and head for it.

Nate sees a Sasquatch approach but he’s shaking too much to get a shot off.

The Sasquatch picks up theMasked Stranger/Woman and swiftly moves away.

Scares Moment: Shocking

Nate finally figures out the gun and shoots at the Sasquatch but he’s has terrible aim. The gun jerks his arm back but he takes aim, again. Right then, his friends appear at the top of a hill the Sasquatch climbs and as it ambles over the top, Nate fires another shot at it, still trembling, and it hits Katie, instead.

Katie drops and Megan eases her down.

SAM

Put the gun down, it’s us!

Another shot misses.

SAM

It’s us, Nate! You shot her! You shot Katie!

Nate trembling, in tears, drops the gun, then stops and picks it up again.

NATE

I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have made us go on this stupid hike. Is she okay?

MEGAN

Not okay, Nate.

Katie bleeds out, unable to speak. Megan, Maddy, Declan surround her. Sam stands and looks on, helpless.

Nate puts the barrel in his mouth. Sam sees him do it.

SAM

Nate, put the gun down, you didn’t mean it, put it down.

BLAM!

Nate blows his brains out.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s QE Cycle 1: Write this Scene

As a note, I changed the character names to suit the time and situation, so Robert becomes ROBRIC, and Trent becomes TRÉOWULF.

INT. MEAD-HALL – NIGHT

VOICES clang like everyone’s goblets in a cacophony of celebration. The festive spirit catches all in its grip. The ornate horns filled with mead don’t hurt much, either.

A central hearth dominates the hall, emitting warmth and blending the scent of burning wood and the aroma of roasting meat. The smoke escapes through an opening in the roof above it.

This grand timber structure with wooden beams adorned with mythic carvings, glimmers in the torchlight from sconces around the hall.

Long, oak tables resplendent with food and drink. SOME chatter. SOME listen to the strumming of the lyre of a BARD near the center, singing and reciting the feats of great warriors.

The lord of the hall, KING HARBINTOLL, sits on his ostentatious throne-like chair in the most prominent spot, and listens to ROBRIC whisper something into his ear before slithering among the other hearth-companions.

PEOPLE cheer the Bard’s denouement, as he breaks to drink with his fellow villagers.

Everyone smiles, boasts, and displays good humor. Everyone, that is, except TRÉOWULF. Tréowulf stands out from the others, being well-groomed and clean, walking with elegant poise.

Robric floats to him, smiling and complimenting People along the way, wearing a shining jewel around his neck. Tréowulf eyes it but attempts to slip away to avoid him but Robric blocks his way.

ROBRIC

Thought you had enough after today.

TRÉOWULF

I wouldn’t mind you being close, but your breath has all the fondness I have for you.

Robric quickly notes his breath but recovers.

ROBRIC

I’m not used to squirrel. Weasel on the other hand—

TRÉOWULF

I need to see your king with urgent news from those defeated.

ROBRIC

If only they had you to fight for them, but there’s dirt involved…and effort.

TRÉOWULF

Don’t blame me that our parents liked me more. I can pick up after myself.

Tréowulf sees the Bard and introduces himself and nods to Robric to notify his king. Robric drudges to his master, pausing on the way, staring at his brother in an unsettling way.

Tréowulf pretends he doesn’t notice.

TRÉOWULF

What was that one about, the poem you just sang?

BARD

The Grendelkin.

TRÉOWULF

Recruiting talent such as your own, I would greatly delight to do. To travel to halls of other great leaders, making you renowned, having monasteries record your verses onto richly adorned parchment–would that be of interest to you?

Tréowulf flashes his white teeth, making the bard reach for his own to feel the difference he sees between them. Tréowulf has a drink put into his hand and he drinks carefully, and dabs his mouth with the back of his hand.

He sees Robric speaking to the king, and whispering something while glancing at Tréowulf. King Harbintoll stares at Tréowulf with no emotion to reveal his mind.

BARD

That would be of great interest and honor to be led by such a remarkable one as you must be. I would never know you to have had a day of battle and you must be of immense wealth to present yourself so.

TRÉOWULF

Maybe I just like looking better than the food we roast.

He hands Bard a small dagger from underneath his cloak.

TRÉOWULF

When you see me led away. Follow and bring this to me, and we have a deal.

He walks away from the Bard and makes his way to King Harbintoll and bows before him. The Bard conceals the weapon.

KING HARBINTOLL

What manner do you come here during this celebration, the freedom of my people?

TRÉOWULF

Nothing of any merit except extoll your virtue and honor you as the great king you’ve earned yourself to be.

Six GUARDS step forward with threatening stances.

TRÉOWULF

What fear have you of me? I’m unarmed as the customs demand.

KING HARBINTOLL

You don’t think I know the meaning of that stone.

Robric struts up to Tréowulf and rips it from his neck. The Guards take Tréowulf and follow Robric to a chamber at the back of the hall.

CHAMBER

They throw Tréowulf to the ground and surround him.

The Guards move in to beat him, the first throwing a punch and connecting with his jaw. A bit of blood trickles from his mouth. His teeth lose some of their bright color. He rubs his jaw.

TRÉOWULF

Always the jaw. You know, hitting the body in the right places would do a far better job of it.

And he strikes back, kicking the Guard hard in the side of his stomach causing him to gasp for air. The other Guards come at him but he punches and kicks in all the right places.

The Bard arrives and admires the battle. Robric sees the dagger in the Bard’s hand and tries to stop him but Tréowulf beats him to it.

He takes the small dagger from the Bard.

TRÉOWULF

Thanks.

And he slits the Bard’s throat.

ROBRIC

He never was good at keeping promises.

Tréowulf smashes each Guard in the face with it and stabs a hand on each of them. While they writhe in agony and confusion, Tréowulf turns his focus on Robric–and his necklace.

TRÉOWULF

You have something I’d like back.

ROBRIC

Yeah? Come and get it, then.

TRÉOWULF

That’s more like it.

Robric strikes first, strikes hard and Tréowulf stumbles back. Robric punches him in the side, then the chest. Tréowulf drops, breathing, backing away. Then, Robric lifts his hand to come down on him and Tréowulf slices him with the dagger.

Robric staggers back but Tréowulf springs on him, hits him a few times, then takes his tongue and threatens to cut it off.

TRÉOWULF

(holding Robric’s tongue)

Since you don’t use it right, you shouldn’t have it.

Robric mutters something but words just can’t form with his tongue hostage.

TRÉOWULF

Can’t hear you.

The mutters erupt again.

TRÉOWULF

What’s that?

Tréowulf let’s go and SMASHES Robric’s head on the ground. The other Guards refuse to take more.

TRÉOWULF

Right, I have a message for your king.

He looks at the dagger.

TRÉOWULF

And here it is.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Intriguing Character Layers

I learned to think about characters in ways that can generate both intentions and obstacles that drive plot and give viewers an obsession to care about, identify with, and be entertained by. This provides layers to want to know what these characters are really up to and who they really are.

Character Name: Atticus Taylor

Role: Leader and archaeology undergrad

Hidden agendas: Learn what happened to his missing brother.

Competition: To beat Morrigan Grimoire to the evidence that can hide crucial info.

Conspiracies: Believes the government is using him for ulterior motives.

Secrets: Conducts his own unsanctioned digs to locate a powerful artifact his brother was searching for.

Deception: Pretends to know less than he does to throw off potential rivals. Uses his friends to accomplish his goals without them knowing what he’s really after.

Wound: His missing brother.

Secret Identity: Fortune and glory.

Character Name: Morrigan Grimoire

Role: Bookstore owner and local volunteer at archaeological dig.

Hidden agendas: A member of a new-found secret order.

Competition: With Atticus, and any who oppose his goal.

Conspiracies: Other secret societies failed, he wants to head a new global government.

Secrets: Bookstore is a front; a hidden chamber with underground channels.

Deception: Actively manipulates events while appearing as if he’s an interested local volunteer.

Wound: His mother died in a military cover-up; his father killed himself.

Secret Identity: Caesar Morrigan!

Character Name: Mason Stone

Role: Friend to Atticus, geology undergrad.

Hidden agendas: Wants to do something important, something to validate his education.

Competition: Everyone else who inadvertently prevents his goal.

Conspiracies: Working with Atticus to find out the meaning of the rituals.

Secrets: Jealous of Atticus.

Deception: Using Atticus to make a name for himself. Wants the credit for discovery.

Wound: Jaded by society and the failure of his degree to advance his life; lacks money to get his doctorate.

Secret Identity: Dr. Mason Stone, world-renowned geologist.

Character Name: Olivia Davies

Role: Friend of Atticus, science undergrad.

Hidden agendas: Help Atticus to take heat off some controversial experiments going on at the lab she works at.

Competition: Lab members who distant experiments from any ethical concerns.

Conspiracies: Believes lab may be funded by a secret benefactor for less than noble causes.

Secrets: Has stolen a critical sample from her lab.

Deception: Pretends to help Atticus and hides the results of her lab work.

Wound: Blames unethical practices of the wealthy for pharmaceutical corruption. Her grandpa died of cancer and she thinks it was preventable.

Secret Identity: Whistleblower (for unethical scientific practices)

Character Name: Thad Parker

Role: Atticus’s friend, history undergrad.

Hidden agendas: To document a possible new secret order for his Ph.D. thesis.

Competition: His dad who’s a janitor in a museum, and discounts his ideas.

Conspiracies: Has declassified documents verifying involvement of secret societies in world changing events.

Secrets: Trying to become a member in the newfound secret order.

Deception: Plays up conspiracy theories to hide what he actually knows.

Wound: Often a joke at school and wants to prove everyone wrong.

Secret Identity: A serious historian.

Character Name: Sophie Fairclough

Role: Skeptic, Bachelor of Arts undergrad.

Hidden agendas: To find a significant story or conspiracy to get more followers on her social media channels.

Competition: Other bloggers and social media figures.

Conspiracies: Thinks elements of truth, fact always mixed with bias and conjecture.

Secrets: Anonymous blogger. Knows who Grimoire actually is.

Deception: Pretends she has no idea what’s going on.

Wound: Often dismissed and disbelieved. It hurts her.

Secret Identity: No longer anonymous.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

I learned to intensify the horror and rev it up for the final act. I also thought how I can apply these levels to other areas, such as in the cave, perhaps, by having Sam go with them and in the chaos lose Maddy there. But then, so much happens there, I think I want this last act to have the desperate attempt to control something in a chaotic situation where bad things happen until it’s over and only three survive the reactions to a massively confusing and terrifying situation.

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET – NIGHT

Sam, Megan, and Maddy search, flashlights ready, pausing to listen if a Bigfoot is near.

They think they hear something close but can’t be sure. Sam picks up a stick.

MEGAN

What are you doing?

SAM

Sending a message.

With that he blasts the tree twice, breaking the stick on the second ‘knock.’

MADDY

Don’t you get it? Maybe, if you stop acting like you do we won’t be put in any unnecessary danger.

SAM

I’m not powerful enough to control what happens. It was a good knock.

MADDY

I’m just saying, maybe, we decide together, that way if something happens, we all had a part in the choice.

MEGAN

Shh. I think it worked.

Sam smiles. Maddy doesn’t reciprocate.

MADDY

Not funny, Sam. Can’t imagine what you have to smile about.

SAM

It was a good knock.

A stone brushes past Maddy’s head and nails Sam in the shoulder. Megan searches with the flashlight. Sam grasps his shoulder. Maddy freezes.

A putrefying scent captures them.

SAM

Alert the Doc.

Megan fumbles for her walkie.

MEGAN

Doc, are you there?

Branches break. Something gets closer.

MEGAN

Dr. Julian, are you there? Dr. Julian? Need a little help?

DR. JULIAN (O.S.)

I have your position on the GPS, I’m coming. Keep it there. Over.

More branch breaks. Why can’t they see it?

MEGAN

Got it. Over.

(to the others)

That shouldn’t be a problem. How ya doing, Sam?

As Megan checks, Sam’s demeanour drops. Megan spins, Maddy screams. There it is, it’s huge, but it’s not the Sasquatch they’ve been seeing. This one has a scar on it’s face, some fresh wounds, and blood matted in its hair.

Maddy wants to run but she’s frozen. They all are. The Sasquatch springs to action and Sam tries the brave thing but what can he really do? This thing can tear him apart, so, he does nothing. Megan searches for something. She finds a stick and takes a swing but it has to affect.

Sam leads Maddy away but not quick enough. The Sasquatch captures Maddy. She reaches fro Sam and he reaches for her. He almost has her but it dashes her against a tree. Blood flows from her head. She’s unresponsive. She’s dead.

Megan weeps at the sight and Sam holds her corpse, full of anger and sobbing.

The Sasquatch stays. Watches.

Dr. Julian arrives and sees the corpse. He sees Sam.

DR. JULIAN

Stand down, Sam, or it will kill you, as well.

SAM

What’ve I got left?

But Dr. Julian rushes the distracted Sasquatch, or so it seems because as he sprints to inject the Bigfoot, it turns on him and he drops the shot.

The Sasquatch TEARS him apart, the sound of snapping bones and ripping flesh.

Sam grabs the shot and drives it into the Bigfoot’s arm and flies backward. Megan helps them up and they sprint away, towards the trap.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

I learned to make what could be a terrifying situation and escalate it further. It also sets up the audience emotions for the full out horror show about to be unleashed (now, I just got to figure out how to make the story do that).

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Dark and foreboding. Katie ignites her phone light but her battery is nearly dead. Katie leads Megan and Maddy along, holding hands so they don’t lose each other.

The Sasquatch BREATHES. It’s at the opening. Katie shoves her phone in her pocket but doesn’t think to shut it off. Everything in them wants to SCREAM but they suppress their desire, and move along, in more of a panic, and sweating with anxiety.

It steps inside. The girls can feel it. They’re trapped, and a Sasquatch bars their escape.

Megan sees the light in Katie’s pocket.

MEGAN

(whispers)

Katie, I can see the light in your pocket.

Katie fumbles to extinguish it but has no time since Maddy pushes them forward.

MADDY

Hurry, you guys.

MEGAN

Back off, will you, we’re not going to get anywhere any faster.

MADDY

Switch me, then, and see how you like being the first picking.

KATIE

Shut up. I feel something, a tunnel, perhaps.

MADDY

What do you mean, perhaps?

KATIE

Don’t have my light, now, do I?

They tuck down the tunnel but it’s a dead end. They crouch and try to remain silent but they realize, they’re not the only quiet ones. They are in the dark, trapped, and no idea where the Sasquatch is.

Then, BREATHING with an angry SNARL to follow. Whatever it’s doing, it’s threatening.

MEGAN

That’s not coming from where we were. It’s deeper.

KATIE

You think it passed us?

MADDY

We’re dead.

KATIE

Quiet.

MADDY

You don’t think that thing can smell us? I never thought I’d die this way. I’m supposed to be old, beautiful and have a peaceful sleep.

MEGAN

It doesn’t have to smell us when it can listen to you freak out.

KATIE

Besides, I doubt few die the way they hope, because for most, not dying would be ideal.

No sound from the Sasquatch, then…

THWOCK. A rock smashes against the wall. It does so again and again.

MEGAN

Use your light. See if there’s anything we can see.

Katie moves but her hand feels something on the ground. She nudges Megan.

KATIE

I feel something.

She manages to pull her phone out of her pocket, light still on but her phone’s almost dead. Then, she sees it. Bones!

She backs away, Maddy screams, and the Sasquatch sounds angry and about to get them. Katie spins and her phone light captures eye-shine as the light goes out. The phone dies. The irony’s not lost on Katie.

More GROWLS, WHOOPS, and SNARLS. More than one. A fight. Two beasts, one against the other. The girls can’t see, but hear every terrifying moment.

Megan urges them on, they have to get past and sneak out.

Maddy’s not moving but Megan and Katie put her between them and move her along.

Right as Megan’s about to make the turn out of the tunnel, the hair of one of the Sasquatches brushes her and she freezes. It moves past, again, back into battle, and Megan moves.

They go from crawling to jumping up and sprinting, falling once or twice, but seeing the entrance and going for it.

Right near it, near freedom, fresh air, and no bones but their own.

EXT. CAVE

They make it they’re not the only ones. A Sasquatch barrels out, ferocious and haggard. It looks at them and turns its back to them.

Now they know why. Another Sasquatch appears. It threatens them. It wants to hurt them. The one with its back to the girls, protects them, which is good since they can’t move.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Max Interest Part 1

I learned by using traits I can maximize the interest of my characters and by doing that, the interest of my scenes.

Scene: Act 1 Catalyst

Logline: An enigmatic person crashes the festival to announce dangerous, looming plots.

Essence: To reveal the threat to the village, and the ‘Cup’ that can prevent it.

Interest techniques: Mislead, reveal, surprise, betrayal, intrigue.

INT. VILLAGE GREEN – DAY

The lush manicure of the village green replete with most villagers, celebrating Kynrí’s recent victory, and Caydrin’s humble lesson. A festive atmosphere; children run around, and adults toast their goblets and feast from the buffet spread. A large wooden stage stands at the center, where the STEWARDS, ADRIC and ERLÍAN,prepare to give a speech..

Raegan and Kearíel mingle with their friends, Keeva and Emmelynne.

ADRIC

(standing up)

A different celebration, usually toasting the merits of my incredible son…

Caydrin not showing the same enthusiasm as Kynrí who relishes his feat a bit too much.

ADRIC

But today, his friend has taken that roll—

Suddenly, a CLOAKED STRANGER pushes through to the stage. It’s DRENG.. He interrupts Adric.

DRENG

–Enough celebration. There’s something far more urgent to discuss.

ERLÍAN

(agitated)

The manner of your approach merits a negative response to your request.

Dreng smashes a bottle and causes it to burst into flame. He dips his torch into it and brandishes his blade.

Some VILLAGERS move in to take him out but ADRIC gestures to them to let Dreng be, for now.

DRENG

I have no time for formal reasons and pleasantries. Once Darginloch advances, all your lives will be changed forever.

ERLÍAN

Then what is it you would ask?

DRENG

I must speak with you about the cup.

ADRIC

(dismissive)

Ah, the cup. There’s always one of you, isn’t there. It’s the same story, the same myth—

DRENG

If it were nothing more than myth, I would not be before you in this manner.

ADRIC

You’re not the first.

DRENG

Then hope I’m the last and not him. It’s idle in your keeping.

ERLÍAN

It’s a reminder of division, and the damage that led our predecessors to this land.

DRENG

(mockingly laughs)

Division will come, the rumors of Ligdraca, the ruler of Nagath,intensifies.

Technique: Character changes radically & Mislead/Reveal

ERLÍAN

(whispers to Adric)

Do you know where it is?

ADRIC

(whispers back)

Yes, but it’s not here.

DRENG

You may not care for the cup, but Ligdraca does. The forces in Darginloch strengthen every day.

ERLÍAN

(interjects)

So, you suggest we just give it to him? Strengthen an enemy?

DRENG

No. I suggest you use it before he does. It’s not a mere symbol; it can summon something far more powerful.

ADRIC

(astonished)

You can’t mean—

DRENG

I do. I suggest you use it to summon the one thing Ligdraca fears.

ERLÍAN

(stands)

You mean to say it could summon the—

DRENG

—Yes. The Guardian of Aranak.

ADRIC

(turning to crowd)

What say you all? Do we gamble with myths, or do we prepare for war?

The crowd is divided; some shout in agreement, others in fear. Raegan and Kearíel exchange a worried look.

DRENG

Darginloch won’t wait. Whatever you think I’m capable of, it’s nothing compared to him.

Dreng lights the stage on fire, then jumps off the stage, disappearing in the mayhem. Adric and Erlían abandon the stage.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan Profiles People (bit creepy sounding)

I learned that the core traits, however defined, will always be present with every interaction in some way. The negative traits might not always surface but because it consistently depicts their common behavior and tone of speaking, you can always see it linger beneath the surface. Nevertheless, if I profiled myself, I doubt I’d like the traits I display vs. the traits I wish I could.

Person 1 –

Impulsive

Attention-seeker

Deceptive

Accusatory

Fun

Person 2 –

Impulsive

Quick-tempered

Kind

Helpful

Person 3 –

Know-it-all

Judgmental

Hard-working

Arrogant

Not all these traits emerge with the same weight in every interaction but I think I picked the three that are most calculating and attempting to dominate with their thinking. Not all bad, it depends on the situation and duration of time involved with them. A bit of emendation on each person over the years as some people go through experiences that change them. After all, that’s the hope I wish to convey through the character journey; namely, that they can overcome their flaws, so we too, can overcome ours.

Characters from a TV Pilot draft:

Raegan –

Algophobic (extreme fear of pain)

Learner

Caring

Leader

Caydrin –

Arrogant

Talented

Athletic

Responsible (though he doesn’t want to be)

Kearíel –

Confidant

Brave

Kind

Protector

Keeva –

Adventurous

Daring

Preservationist

Impulsive

Kynrí –

Protective

Loyal

Friendly

Strong

Emmelynne –

Knowing

Brave

Ambitious

Helpful

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan Puts Essence to Work

I learned to distill every scene down to what I’m trying to accomplish in it. What’s the point of it? Is it necessary? How can I achieve it in a better way? More creative? More realistic? I ask a lot more questions and instead of tripping over similar details, find ways to elevate each scene based on the purpose being achieved by having it there in the first place.

Script I choose: Cup of Kings

Scene 1 Location: Act 1 Opening Intro

Logline: Characters in various places doing various things without reason.

Essence I’ve discovered: To gather most of the villagers together in time of peace and merriment.

New Logline: The whole village gathers to watch a competitive ‘capture’ race.

Scene 2 Location: Act I Catalyst

Logline: A member of a clandestine group in a different village demands the ‘Cup of Kings’ from the leaders of the village.

Essence I’ve discovered: To make the protagonist, Raegan, overhear a threat and go on a journey.

New Logline: Raegan escapes a close encounter with death while hiding from a clandestine group member from another village demanding the ‘Cup of Kings.’.

Scene 3 Location: Act I Debate

Logline: The main characters debate whether the journey is possible and if they actually want to do it.

Essence I’ve discovered: To move the group to take the journey.

New Logline: After the near death experience, they choose to leave that night.

Scene 4 Location: Act 2 Turning Point

Logline: Many separate parties follow after the main group.

Essence I’ve discovered: The main characters being followed.

New Logline: The characters awaken a barrow-dragon and all avoid becoming its next meal as they discover all who are after them.

Scene 5 Location: Act 3 End Teaser

Logline: The group argues over the purpose and direction of the quest and opt to go separate ways.

Essence I’ve discovered: The group splits apart.

New Logline: The group is broken up during the dragon battle, and they take separate routes.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

I learned to heighten the intensity of events near the close of Act I, leading to the death of Danny and the turning point of being trapped. I made the characters more active and developed the different levels of stress to highlight there growing suspicions and uncertainties to really set up an atmosphere of horror.

INT. STONE RUINS – ABANDONED ROOM – DAY

Evening sets in and the group (Sam, Megan, Katie, Nate, Maddy, and Danny) look around.

MADDY

This is really starting to freak me out, guys.

NATE

Yeah, not liking this.

Sam examines the candles.

SAM

Looks recent. Whoever did this could still be hear.

Danny leaves the room.

NATE

Not cool, Sam. You can keep things like that to yourself.

SAM

What do you want me to say, Nate? Have a seat ’til the friendly—whatever it is—passes?

MEGAN

Sam’s right, we need to check things out. Get an idea of where we are.

They notice Danny gone.

KATIE

Where’s Danny?

NATE

Does no one ever remember that in these situations, NEVER go off alone?

SAM

Danny?

DANNY (O.S.)

Keep your panties on. There’s something here…

But before the others can join him, they hear whispers. They freeze, straining to hear.

KATIE

You all hear that, right? Sounds like—I don’t want to say it, but—it sounds like whispers.

Katie pulls out her phone and gets ready to record if they hear anything else.

MEGAN

We are in a heightened state of fear, we can’t trust anything we believe we hear or see. Doing so will trick our minds into misidentifying the rational explanation.

Maddy sees an inscription etched into the stone wall. Megan notices and joins her, using the light on her phone to get a better look.

MADDY

That’s a person, Megan, a person being offered, isn’t it?

MADDY

This is what I’m talking about. A drawing by someone bored, maybe a drunk kid or something.

More whispers. Katie records them.

DANNY (O.S.)

You guys might want to see this.

Sam about to join Danny, but Maddy stops him.

MADDY

Human sacrifice. It’s on the wall. You said these fires are recent. What if we’re lured here to be next.

SAM

No evidence of that, Maddy. We just need to calm ourselves and get more info before jumping to conclusions. If there was something wrong up hear, it’d be all over the news and social feeds. We’ll be okay.

Katie uses an app to slow the whisper down and magnify the sound. She puts it to her ear.

KATIE

You guys need to hear this.

She maxes the volume and plays the recording: “You shouldn’t be here. Go while your chance remains.”

NATE

Dude, that’s pretty specific, and I agree. Let’s get outta here.

MADDY

We can’t stay here.

MEGAN

Stay calm, alright. The folklore, the stories, we’re doing this to ourselves.

NATE

How’s that? Look around, we ain’t in Munchkin-land. Something is out there.

MEGAN

Yeah, it’s spooky here. It’s a creepy place. But that something is probably a bear or cougar.

MADDY

I’m not good with either of those. I really want to go.

MEGAN

Point is, there’s probably a cave nearby and we’re in wildlife territory. The berries are out, bears are out, mountain lions roam. We probably passed one and didn’t even know it.

MADDY

That’s unsettling.

MEGAN

As a group, we’ll most likely be safe.

NATE

Most likely? I love the certainty of a scientist.

MEGAN

You’re right, melodramatizing the situation if far more rational.

Danny walks back in.

KATIE

The recording proves it. Something otherly is out there.

DANNY

You comin’ or what?

Sam nods and he and Katie follow Danny.

MEGAN

You’re all losing your minds. I’ll prove it.

She whips out her phone to debunk Katie’s “proof.” But, as she records, she captures an unexplainable shadow passing past an opening outside.

Nate and Maddy need no further proof and they take off after Sam and the others. Megan feels uneasy and hurries after.

A CHAMBER

Danny uses his phone to light the ruins.

NATE

I’m starting to think we should phone for help, like the police or park authorities or something.

SAM

There has to be an actual emergency, not a feeling of dread or suspicion.

DANNY

You’re such a pansy, Nate. Grow a pair and hold the light so Sam and I can check this out.

NATE

I’ve got my own.

He takes his phone out and turns on the light.

Maddy and Katie do the same. Megan joins them.

KATIE

Looks like a nest.

Sam, Megan, and Danny slowly pull back branches. Danny grins. Does he actually delight in this? Sam doesn’t, though. He looks serious. Megan, too. They reveal…

BACKPACKS and other personal belongings. They rummage through and find IDs, some packs still have food in them.

SAM

This is recent.

Nate flips and drops his phone causing a small panic, in which he steps on his phone and breaks it.

NATE

Quick, quick. Give me some light.

Maddy complies as Nate laments his situation.

NATE

Great, O great, O great.

DANNY

Chill out, flower boy.

NATE

We are in a stone trap of death, with ritual who-knows-what, something lurking bear or otherwise, and my phone is damaged. We’ve got to go now.

MEGAN

That might not be so easy.

NATE

Can we do this closer to the exit, please.

They go back to the initial room.

ABANDONED ROOM

As they filter back in Megan sees it again, this time without her phone.

MEGAN

Something is out there, but I don’t know what. We need to go, before we’re completely trapped here in the dark.

NATE

No way, let’s go.

DANNY

Lead the way big man. Or you just gonna stand there, let the rest of us face the danger head on, eh?

NATE

I didn’t want to come on this stupid hike. I thought we were having lunch, that’s it. Not holding up in some creepy stone death trap with something uncertain outside.

DANNY

Then go on, take a look. No?

SAM

We need to go. I’m not happy about that stash, but we can phone it in once we get to safety. There could be a murderer about.

MADDY

Why would you say that?

KATIE

Or, it could be a Sasquatch.

MEGAN

Do you hear yourselves? Murderers and Bigfoots? This is what I’m talking about. We are adding to our own fears and beginning to intensify a danger that doesn’t really exist. The real danger is getting to the parking lot before it’s totally dark.

DANNY

Thanks, Sigmund. But someone should go first and by the looks of y’all, I might as well be the brave one.

SAM

That’s what we’re going to call it?

DANNY

After you then, hotshot. This is your adventure, ain’t it?

Sam hesitates.

SAM

What if it’s the person who did all this psycho Satanic stuff?

DANNY

Right. I’ll do a quick perimeter check and then we can hurry off, yeah?

No one answers so he strides out in full bravado.

EXT. STONE RUINS

In sight of them, Danny checks around, then looks with fear as he fumbles back and falls down.

He hears the tumult inside and laughs.

DANNY

You guys are so gullible. Grab your stones and let’s get marchin.’

INT. STONE RUINS – ABANDONED ROOM

SAM

Real funny. Well-played.

NATE

What a piece of—

MADDY

What? What is it?

Katie and Megan notice something.

MEGAN

There’s something out there. Can’t quite see it.

KATIE

What is that? Is that a person?

NATE

The murderer. I knew it.

EXT. STONE RUINS

Danny sees whatever it is. He’s not laughing, or pulling out as if it’s some gag. He sees something. We can’t make it out but he sees it, and he’s spooked. And then, he just SPRINTS.

INT. STONE RUINS – ABANDONED ROOM

They all hear something HUGE moving in the trees. Sam and Megan sprint out to get Danny.

EXT. STONE RUINS

They stop because they can’t catch him but see something, SOME PERSON in some sort of costume running after him but he keeps checking sideways, too, then he splits double-time into the trees.

Sam and Megan call to the others.

SAM

There’s a person out here.

MEGAN

Wearing a Bigfoot mask and costume.

INT. STONE RUINS – ABANDONED ROOM

NATE

We’re dead.

MADDY

That lady, that solo hiker. She warned us. She told us not to come here.

Sam and Megan rush back in.

SAM

Now’s our chance. Let’s go.

NATE

With that thing out there?

KATIE

What we heard wasn’t a person. It’s something much, much bigger.

SAM

We can’t leave him there. We gotta go, together. Come on.

Sam leads them out and though hesitant, the rest follow because no one wants to be stuck behind.

[Michael Jones]

M. Morgan’s Engaging Main Characters

I learned to focus on characters to care about, to make a show full of possible intrigue these personalities can be used to create. I want the two focuses to be on the main protagonist and the main antagonist since both often parallel each other in their decisions and blur the lines between moral decisions.

Assignment 1:

Journey: Jack leads a group of surviving passengers from a plane crash as he learns to embrace purpose in life instead of denying and fleeing from it.

Characters that sell this show: Jack and Locke

A. Role in the show:

Jack: Young doctor that cares about people and wants to save them.

Locke: Older man who sees the crash as a blessing. Balances Jack out.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Jack: Expertise: Doctor whose background trained him to lead a group of people during times of intense pressure.

Purpose: Protect the other passengers and get them rescued off the island.

Locke: Expertise: Knowledgeable and skilled hunter.

Purpose: To see the miracle in the crash and live the life he always imagined for himself. He wants to stay on the island.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Jack: He’s got daddy issues and has visions of his father.

Locke: He was paralyzed below the waist before the crash.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Jack: What’s he willing to do to survive? How will he handle his power as leader to most of the passengers?

Locke: Will Locke help the passengers get rescued? What will he do by staying on the island?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Jack: Behavior often erratic. Moral lines blurred to accomplish a ‘right’ decision.

Locke: Give up and kill himself? Lose faith?

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

We get to know these characters and don’t want to see them lose. We can sympathize and empathize with their decisions and situations knowing about their backgrounds, who they were and what they’ve come to be.

Assignment 2:

Journey: Atticus gets recruited by Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) to document information about the recent increase in occult rituals conducted at various archaeological dig sites.

Characters that sell this show: Atticus and Morrigan

A. Role in the show:

Atticus: 24 year old university alumni with a degree in archaeology with a missing brother and the threat of being next.

Morrigan: 45 year old bookstore owner with ties to a secret society.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Atticus: Expertise: An intuitive researcher who can sense things others can’t about the dig sites and artifacts.

Purpose: To reveal the significance of newfound similar rituals at famous archaeological sites and what they mean. Ultimately, to find his brother, or learn what happened to him.

Morrigan: Expertise: Business savvy with interests in history, politics, and the occult, and a shop connected to underground tunnels and the place where the cult holds their meetings. Also, he claims a strong connection to the spiritual world, but really seeks control for himself.

Purpose: To oversee the actions of the secret group and ensure their success.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Atticus: His older brother vanished mysteriously while on an expedition with similar rituals. He’s secretive about receiving coded messages he believes are from his missing brother.

Morrigan: His bookstore is a front for an underground organization hellbent on creating a global government. He’s using the group to become leader of that government. He knows certain secrets about advanced government technology and deep personal wounds from those full of corruption, full of greed.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Atticus: The pursuit of the truth about his brother and the dig site rituals sometimes leads him to break laws—like stealing artifacts that are key to solving the mystery, or being selective with what information he divulges. In some ways, he mirrors Morrigan in the decisions to accomplish his goal. Will he become like Morrigan, doing whatever it takes to get what he wants?

Morrigan: He’s discreet and selective with information, playing everyone involved, to serve his own agenda. What would make him better than others? Does his utilitarian justification support his efforts?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Atticus: Atticus has a tendency to improvise and go rogue, sometimes following his intuition rather than logic, leading to intriguing and dangerous predicaments.

Morrigan: Acts in certain ways to meet his own plans, so with every decision and revelation, he will take the most beneficial way to accomplishing his goal.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Atticus: He’s not in it to find the source of the mystery for the government, his ulterior purpose is to find his brother. As an undergrad with unrelated job prospects and struggles to survive, he also blurs the line and finds himself on a similar path as Morrigan the more he unravels.

Morrigan: While shady, Morrigan has a personal vendetta and the dark forces the team is investigating is his chance to change things. He lost people dear to him and he blames global corruption for the preventable losses. This makes his character layered and not just a mere cover for the secret society, but has a grandiose agenda to do good, according to his own way of thinking.

[Michael Jones]

Assignment 2:

Mike’s Three Circles of Characters

I learned that AI not only brainstorms faster, but with much more detail in a fraction of the time. This benefits me because I can avoid getting stuck and siphon through the creativity generated from all the possible options and suggestions.

Also, by letting AI pick names, I found a lot of familiar ones from a few popular movies, like Alan Grant from “Jurassic Park” for my geology character. I gave it the ones I picked and ran the prompt again and put what it gave me in the AI section (Answer 3). I adapted a bit but left most intact to see comparison. If I had to do this with my own computing power it would take far longer and maybe not get me to high-concept ideas.

1.

Main Characters Circle: Atticus Taylor, Mason Stone, Thad Parker, Olivia Davies, Sophie Fairclough.

Connected Circle: Dr. Mortimer Greenfield, Claire Robichaud, Helen Voss, Morrigan Grimoire, Charlotte Foster, Nicholas Collins.

Environment Circle: Other scientific and historical specialists, surveyors, field assistants, volunteers both local and abroad, occult enthusiasts, reporters, members of the Secret Order.

2.

Atticus Taylor: Archaeology undergrad who works on various dig sites but doesn’t have the money to further his education.

Mason Stone: Geology undergrad lives back at home but hikes all the time.

Olivia Davies: Science undergrad in biology and chemistry lives with Sophie struggles to find work.

Thad Parker: History undergrad focusing on the Cold War works in a produce department.

Sophie Fairclough: Arts undergrad specializing in literature, works as a cashier in a bookstore.

3. With AI Prompt:

Main Characters Circle:

Atticus Taylor –

Unique Role: Archaeology undergrad who’s street-smart and deeply intuitive about finding ancient artifacts.

Secret or Intrigue: His older brother was a treasure hunter who vanished under mysterious circumstances at a dig site.

Mason Stone –

Unique Role: Geology undergrad with the instinct to read the Earth.

Secret or Intrigue: Unbeknownst to him, he’s the last descendant of an ancient order that guards the Earth’s mystical secrets.

Olivia Davies –

Unique Role: Science undergrad in biology and chemistry, the problem solver.

Secret or Intrigue: Recently started work at a lab with controversial experiments, which puts her in moral dilemmas.

Thad Parker –

Unique Role: History undergrad specializing in Cold War history, the group’s strategist.

Secret or Intrigue: He owns a set of recently declassified documents that reveal the involvement of secret societies during the Cold War.

Sophia Fairclough –

Unique Role: Arts undergrad in literature, the critical thinker who can spot errors in logic.

Secret or Intrigue: Writes an anonymous blog that has gained the attention of both occult enthusiasts and government agencies, weighing popular conspiracy theories.

Connected Circle:

Dr. Mortimer Greenfield –

Faculty Advisor for archaeology, skeptical of the team but can’t deny their results.

Intrigue: Knows more about the dig site than he lets on, potentially a former member of an occult.

Claire Robichaud –

University librarian, source of rare and ancient texts.

Intrigue: Was once in love with Atticus’s vanished brother and knows something about his disappearance.

Helen Voss –

Local journalist, a potential ally or a loose cannon.

Intrigue: Has a personal vendetta against secret societies because they ruined her career in the past.

Morrigan Grimoire –

Owner of an occult bookstore, has useful yet enigmatic information.

Intrigue: Claims to be a medium who has been awaiting the group’s arrival based on a prophecy, but he really has more involvement then at first seems.

Charlotte Foster –

A fellow student who studies ancient religions.

Intrigue: Suspiciously always around when new discoveries are made, potentially a spy or competitor.

Nicholas Collins –

Site security, an ally in unexpected places.

Intrigue: Former military with classified training in supernatural warfare, but was discharged under mysterious conditions.

Environment Character:

Field Assistants

University Staff

Local Hikers

Bookstore Customers

Occult Enthusiasts

News Reporters

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Horror Outline Version 1

I learned I’ve complicated this process far more than I needed to, but by putting the beats into a readable outline allows me to more manageably read and alter the story to make it better, or perhaps, even good. I almost overwhelmed myself with this one.

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

Light of the summer sun stretches through the trees as eight-year old, DARIAN BROWN, running from the count of a ‘hide ’n seek’ game. He hears his friend counting offscreen, and he hears a Parental Voice warning not to wander too far, and another one calling for him, specifically.

He follows a trail across an open meadow. Voices muffled. At the other side, he stops before a warning sign posted above the sign on the wooden post: ‘The Whispering Thicket.’ The warning sign above it, in quick, hand-written scrawl: ‘Keep out!’

Naturally, Darian keeps going as the voices of those trying to find him get closer. In the woods is an abandoned stone ruin, partially reclaimed by the forest. Perfect.

He hides in the ruins. No voices but that’s the game. He hears footfalls. He chuckles thinking it’s his friend coming to find him. Snapping twigs. He stifles laughter: “No way I’m getting caught this time.”

Then, something soft carries on the wind. A whisper. A voice of some sort but can’t make out what its saying.

He walks past an opening to see if he can make out what its saying. As he walks past, so does something else. Something huge. Something we can’t see but it blocks out the door way for a second as it passes.

He calls to his friend, starting to freak a bit, now. “Sam? Sam? It’s not funny.” The whisper just barely audible. “You shouldn’t be here.” Sam spooks and rushes back through the ruins but comes out another way, and he sees it: a figure in a Sasquatch mask, then gone. He panics, then looks another way. We don’t see what he sees but we hear it. He goes pale and screams as all goes dark.

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – DAY

SUPER: 12 Years Later

Introduce the characters hiking up a trail in the mountains doing something that hints at their traits. Sam re-tells the story of Darian Brown. “Not scary, he survived. If he was in danger, he’d be dead.” Sam replies, “He never stepped foot in the forest again. That comes from more than imagination.”

Strange sounds such as a snapping twig signals eerie forebodings. A solo female hiker warns them of some unusual sounds coming from ‘The Whispering Thicket.’ Megan interjects that it’s not an official name, it’s a local one placed to scare people. “What makes it official? Anyway, heads up, okay, could be some creep, either way, I doubt you lot want to meet whoever, or whatever it is. That’s why I’m getting out of here. Been doing this a number of years but you learn to trust your instincts.”

They hear a tree knock.

EXT. BASE OF MOUNTAIN – PARKING LOT – SAME TIME

Intro to Dr. Julian Grimm, Declan Caldwell, and Flint Maddox. Dr. Julian carries a backpack of some supplies; Declan, research equipment; Flint, guns, camping gear, a real seasoned pro. “You’re certain of this?” “Our data strongly suggests it.” “If it’s there, I’m gonna find it.”

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – MEADOW

Sam and friends have a break in the meadow before ‘The Whispering Thicket.’ “Where are you taking us Sam?” “It’s a surprise, and it’s in there.” Many protestations but Danny sides with Sam and helps convince them. Sam, “I just want one last time. One last adventure. We might never get another.”

They give in an enter the ‘The Whispering Thicket.’ Danny plays on their fears a bit.

EXT. THE WHISPERING THICKET/INT. STONE RUINS

Sam and the others see the stone ruins in the distance and that’s when things start for them. Spooky feeling. They hear something behind them. They can’t see anything but some feel like they’re being watched. Last chance to leave? A bit of an argument.

They agree to leave after more strange sounds but then two loud tree knocks, intentional and close cause them to sprint for the ruins. Some think Sam is playing a joke on them as part of his memorable plan but he denies it. Danny doesn’t quite buy it.

Katie peeks out and something squats up and steps behind a tree. Something large. Something Ape-like. Something Bipedal. She freaks and says it’s a Bigfoot. Megan denies it and says her conspiracies and ‘open-mind’ subject themselves to a paranoia rooted in superstition, not science. “If there’s nothing there, what are you afraid of? Go on, then.”

They agree to go back home, then they all see something. They run back into the ruins and debate what they’ve seen. Megan denies saying Katie’s suggestibility makes them interpret things they don’t know as other things. Denial.

They wander around the ruins and discover evidence of occult rituals. “Where are we?”

Growing hysteria; fear escalates real fast. They blame Sam for bringing them here and putting them in this situation. Some still doubt he has nothing to do with this. Others defend him.

Heavy footfalls outside the structure. Something large. Can hear it breathing. Two whoops, then silence.

EXT. TRAIL – SAME TIME

Declan recognizes the distant ‘whoop sound,’ and Flint looks in the direction with great anticipation.

INT. STONE RUINS/EXT. STONE RUINS

Evening setting in. “We can’t stay here.” “All the folklore, all the stories, probably because of a misidentified bear. Probably a cave nearby, or something.” “Not a mountain lion. We could walk right past one and you might not even know.”

Whispers. “Do you hear that? Sounds like—I don’t want to say it, but—it sounds like whispers.”

Megan: “We are in a heightened state of fear, we can’t trust anything we believe we hear or see.” “Then go take a look for us.” Nate still focuses on blaming Sam. Sam agrees to looks but because they still don’t fully trust him, Danny says he’ll be the brave one.

Danny strides out in full bravado. They watch him with caution from within. “What if it’s the person who did all this psycho Satanic stuff?”

Danny pretends to react to something scary, backs up and falls down, then laughs at his gullible friends. “Well played, Sam, but we gotta get going. It’ll already be dark by the time we reach the bottom and as cool as that is, I kind of hate camping, so—” Danny stands transfixed in terror.

Some laugh, “Got it, Danny, nice one.” Others, “It’s not funny.”

He’s not laughing, or pulling out as if it’s some gag. He sees something. We can’t make it out but he sees it, and he’s spooked. And then, he just SPRINTS. He takes off and the others don’t know what to do but Sam and Megan go after him.

They stop because they can’t catch him but see something, some person in some sort of costume running after him but he keeps checking sideways, too, then he splits double-time into the trees. Sam and Megan report what they saw. “Great now it’s some person. That lady warned us, she told us to not go up here. Good call, Sam.”

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET/MOUNTAIN FOREST

Danny panting, sprinting, looking back and around, tripping. The person behind him shouts at him but he can’t make it out. But it’s not the person he fears. He sees something more terrifying, then we see it. Something huge, a Sasquatch which causes the the figure behind Danny to stop. The creature charges and Danny freaks.

Unfortunately, he comes to an edge of a hill a bit too fast and he loses his footing trying to get down, and haphazardly descends until he gets impaled on a spiked branch sticking out of a fallen log. Other branches around, but he hit one and he chocked on his blood.

Right in front of Flint Maddox. Declan and Dr. Julian catch up, curious and horrified. Flint looks up and sees a figure in a mask, that immediately retreats. Flint fires a shot.

INT. STONE RUINS

Sam and the others hear a gunshot. This got bad fast. What is happening?

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST

Declan and Flint argue about what to do about the impaled kid. Declan argues they need to alert the authorities about the body. Flint convinces them not to. He saw the figure. If they wait, the figure will get away. And a Sasquatch is close by. “This is the place, this is what we came here to do. Call it in, it all disappears, even the person responsible for this kid. He ain’t goin’ no place.”

They agree to cover the body and try preserving it from the wildlife. They are so close. The prospect of success makes them move on, knowing they’ll call it in by morning.

INT. STONE RUINS/EXT. STONE RUINS – LATER

The friends fear for Danny as evening fades. “We need to start a fire.” No one wants to get any wood, so Sam agrees to step out. While gone, the others argue. They hype themselves up when Sam seems to take a bit longer than expected but he returns.

He makes a small fire, but even argue about that about how it shows where they are. If anyone is here, they already know. Sam builds the fire among the occult stuff. “There’s no where else?” We can’t burn a forest down. “Maybe, that’s a good idea. At least, help can come.” We have our phones. “Not me, I left mine in my coat which I put in the trunk last minute.” “Mine has no battery.” “I smashed mine.” “How was I to know I’d need it?” One was smashed. One works. They place emergency call.

They hear something. Voices. Footsteps. Others are near. “Hello? Hello? We’re in trouble. We’re trapped with a murderer. What? I don’t know…” Flint has a gun pointed at Sam and tells him to hand over the phone. “No calls tonight. You can have this back, tomorrow.”

Dr. Julian, Declan, and Flint join Sam’s group. Apprehensive at first, then grateful to have someone with a gun, and some other grown-ups.

They weep over the news of their friend.

Nighttime, foggy. A stone pelts the structure. Another. Again. Flint takes his gun and inspects. A stone hits his arm. He sees the Masked Stranger, again. He recovers and fires a few shots towards the Masked Stranger.

Flint back in, refilling his gun, when a Sasquatch onslaught of the structure begins. “It’s playing with us, like an orca with a seal.” “This seal’s got a gun.”

Dr. Julian and Declan attempt to see but afraid now that they see it.

Mayhem. The friends panic and make a run for it. They see the creature retreating into the woods. They could turn back but they don’t.

Declan and Flint go after them, Nate stays with Flint. Dr. Julian will wait to see if it returns.

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET – NIGHT

They see the Bigfoot, again, but something curious about it. “How’d it get there?” “We can’t escape this thing.” It stands and Sam gets separated from Megan, Katie and Maddy.

EXT. CAVE

Megan, Katie, and Maddy spot a cave. “This could be that thing’s lair.” “We’re seeing things.” “Then, how ‘bout a bear, or a mountain lion?” The sound behind makes them choose the cave.

The Sasquatch arrives. And enters.

INT. CAVE

Megan, Katie and Maddy have a bit of a bonding moment while they try to hide. With the Sasquatch behind them, they tuck down a tunnel but it’s a dead end. They crouch and try to remain silent.

Maddy panics. “We’re dead. You don’t think that thing can smell us? I never thought I’d die this way.” “I doubt very few die the way they hope, now hold it together. It doesn’t have to smell us, just listen to you freak out.”

Katie feels something, alerts Megan. Megan pulls out a flashlight. Bones! Maddy screams. Megan spins around with the flashlight and catches eye shine. Lights go out.

Screams and panic as a savage beast battle ensues. Can’t see much, we hear it, feel it through sound. Megan takes finds the flashlight and sees the Sasquatch. She’s afraid to look but does. She can’t see anything else there but whatever it was, the Sasquatch stopped it from hurting them.

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET

Sam disoriented in the rush of things, and lost, too! He’s alone and that’s when the whispers come to him.

He begins to run away from it, then stops. Pull it together, Sam. Time to be brave. Uncertain why, his breathing calms and he sprints towards the direction of the whisper. That’s when the Masked Stranger steps out: as he runs past.

Sam freezes. Flint arrives with Nate and Declan in tow. He fires a warning shot, just missing the Masked Stranger, hitting the tree.

Sam takes off, Declan goes after him.

Declan catches up and almost has to tackle him. Sam’s panicking about the girls. Declan catches sight of markings on a tree. He finds more. He takes a picture of them with his phone. Sam focuses on the phone.

The girls run from the cave. The Sasquatch nowhere in sight. Sam hears and calls to them. They join them.

Katie mentions something about the markings and Declan shows her the close-up on her phone. They piece together similar markings documented by a ridiculed and discredited anthropologist for her research into Bigfoot: Dr. Eleanor Sable.

Meanwhile, Flint moves towards the Masked Stranger, and removes the mask: it’s a woman.

Flint taunts the now un-Masked Stranger. He wants a trophy. He’s going to put that thing on display, be both famous and infamous but he’ll do it, he’ll be the first.

This takes him back, at first, but with little time to consider because a Sasquatch shows itself.

Flint turns and fires, when…SMASH. The un-Masked Stranger savagely attacks him. Nate grabs gun and backs away, trembling.

The un-Masked Stranger bashes Flint to death with a solid branch, almost maniacal while she does it.

Nate still trying to figure out the gun.

Katie and the others head back to the stone ruins.

Nate sees a Sasquatch approach but he’s shaking too much to get a shot off.

The Sasquatch picks up the un-Masked Stranger (herein, DR. ELEANOR SABLE) and swiftly moves away.

Nate finally gets the gun going and shoots at it but he’s go terrible aim. The gun jerks his arm back but he takes aim, again. Right then, his friends appear at the top of the hill the Sasquatch climbs and as it ambles over the top, Nate fires another shot, still trembling, and it hits Katie, instead.

Katie drops and Megan eases her down. Sam calls to Nate, “Put the gun down, you shot her, mate.”

Nate trembling, in tears, drops the gun, then stops and picks it up again. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have made us come.” “Is she okay?” “Not okay, Nate.” Then he puts the barrel in his mouth. “Nate, put the gun down, you didn’t mean it, put it down.” BLAM!

Nate blows his brains out.

INT. STONE RUINS/EXT. STONE RUINS

Katie’s lifeless corpse lays in one room of the stone ruins. Megan gets up and walks into another room where Declan is adamant they call for help. Dr. Julian shows the trap he assembled and says they can but they should capture the beast first so no one gets charged with murder.

They don’t tell him about Dr. Eleanor Sable, yet.

Dr. Julian readies his needle to inject the Sasquatch with a powerful tranquilizer once inside.

EXT. WHISPERING THICKET

Maddy and Megan act as bait. It doesn’t take long before the plan begins to work. Declan leads Sam on a perimeter block to force Sasquatch toward the girls.

Dr. Julian takes the other route, serving also as a perimeter.

Then, the girls SCREAM. The others think this is part of the plan but something off. Sam abandons Declan and Declan heads back to the trap. Dr. Julian heads for the girls.

Declan gets to the trap but doesn’t see anything, until turning around the Sasquatch stands up from a crouching position and steps toward him. Declan tumbles into the trap and he’s caught.

Dr. Julian reaches the girls. They are ashen. Sam gets to them, too. They point towards a Sasquatch. This thing is aggressive and fierce-looking. Megan, “That’s not the same one, the one that protected us. This is the thing that tried to get us. Look at the wound.”

Dr. Julian hears his trap and knows he has one, but the lure of another is too strong for him. He tells the others to lure it close and he’ll put it to sleep. Of course, they don’t want to but what else are they going to do. At least, it’s a plan.

Meanwhile, the un-Masked Stranger appears and Declan affirms he knows who she is. Or, at least was. She confronts him about his intentions. He counters, “How’d you get like this?” She’s briefly hesitant then moves but not totally unhinged as we move to a flashback of watching the slaughter of an entire Sasquatch family, except the one she’s with. She left academia to learn about Bigfoot’s habits and figure out how to protect them, but humans are still the greatest horror to a Sasquatch.

The other Sasquatch charges. Maddy doesn’t have to act, she’s petrified. Sam can’t move much either, nor can Megan. The smell is paralyzing or the size of the thing.

Dr. Julian runs out to inject the distracted beast but its instincts to cunning, evening for the doc. The other Sasquatch tears him a part and the others run for it.

Declan able to touch Sasquatch. Dr. Sable releases Declan while she joins the Sasquatch and move away.

The other Sasquatch isn’t done and it moves for the others.

Declan hears them coming and doesn’t understand their panic. Then he sees. They’re not alone. And definitely, NOT safe.

They have no weapon, there is no escape. They are helpless. And that’s when…

The Sasquatch bursts through and clashes with the other Sasquatch. Not the first time, and the Sasquatch knows it’s more dominant than the other. It succeeds in chasing the other away. It’s hurt but not seriously.

Dr. Sable makes a ‘whoop’ call and the Sasquatch joins her. She pauses as one final warning? Or, a you’re welcome?

The friends weep. It’s over.

EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST – MORNING

Helicopters, sirens, and voices in the distance. It’s over. Help is here. It’s morning and an early fog still present.

Sam goes over to Megan and Maddy but Maddy doesn’t welcome him. “All I wanted was to give us one last hurrah, before we got busier with our lives.” “It’s not like you planned this. So many things, bad decisions, misconceptions, far more at play than your intended purpose. But isn’t that life, anyway.” Sam almost feels comforted but Maddy refuses to comfort him. “This never would’ve happened if you just took us on a normal walk and picnic. You wanted more. You got it. You did give me something to remember. I’ll never forget this nightmare.”

Sam walks off dejected. He steps to a ledge, pondering to jump. Declan talks him down with one last line of sagely advice.

Park rangers, police, and military begin to arrive.

The other Sasquatch stands up, bares its teeth, and retreats into the woods.

[Michael Jones]

Assignment 1:

LOST_Three Circles of Characters

A. Main Characters Circle: Jack, Kate, Locke, Sayid, Sawyer

B. Connected Circle: Claire, Charlie, Shannon, Boone, Jin-Soo, Sun-Hwa, Hurley, Michael, and Walt.

C. Environment Circle: Other passengers, any other person/people living on the island, apparitions of Jack’s deceased father, rogue animals, a ‘smoke monster.’

[Michael Jones]

LOST_5 Star Model

What I learned is the depth to which the writers applied intrigue, mystery, and high-pressure stakes, shaping each scene precisely to reveal characters and build the story.

“Lost” 2-part Pilot outline:

Part 1 –

Opening Image of an eye opening and a man laying on his back, injured and confused, in the trees.

Man rushes out of trees to see he’s on a beach with a massive plane crash: noise and confusion abound while the Man springs to action when he hears calls for help.

Danger from the broken aircraft.

The Man identifies himself as Jack and convinces a woman, Kate, to help stitch his wound. Learn Jack’s a doctor.

Several other character set-ups are introduced.

Jack tells Kate of his first surgery where he made a mistake but learned how to cope with his nerves: ‘Let fear in, but only give it five seconds, then get on with it.’ He did that and saved the girl. Handy advice for this uncertain situation.

Nighttime: still no sign of rescue.

Intro to an alien-sounding invisible monster with some serious power in the trees but it doesn’t do anything to them. Is it allergic to the beach?

First flashback: Jack on the plane before it crashed with charm and a penchant for strong drinks.

Radio in the cockpit so Jack, Kate, and Charlie try to recover it.

Scene switches between Jack and Locke to set-up a connection there.

Jack, Kate, and Charlie find the cockpit: one pilot still alive.

They learn the crash happened 16 hours, radio went out 6 hours in; also, they learn they are 1,000 miles of course so no one knows where to look for them.

Some huge, powerful but still unseen force rips the pilot out of the cockpit.

Charlie sees it but we don’t: he says it’s “gargantuan.”

That thing kills the pilot but not them. Why?

Part 2 –

Jack, Charlie, and Kate need to get transceiver working

Back on the beach, a slower moment to set-up many other characters that will be involved in the story: setting up potential conflicts with contrasting personalities.

Fight between Sayid and Sawyer over who a pair of handcuffs belong to.

Man with shrapnel but unconscious knows to whom they belong.

Sayid good with tech and fixed the transmitter.

Friendship between Jack and Kate develops.

Sayid, Kate, Sawyer and others seek higher ground to transmit for rescue.

Locke sets up a backgammon game board and a kid, Walt, talks with him: this is actually the most important set-up seemingly tucked away – Locke explains how ancient the game of backgammon is but explains to Walt that you have ‘two players, two sides; one is light, one is dark.’ This foreshadows the struggle of good and evil, yin and yang, light and dark, the man of science and the man of faith, Jack and Locke, (and for those who have seen it, Jacob and his brother).

A polar bear attacks on a tropical island! Sawyer shoots it; more arguments concerning who the prisoner is and Kate disarms the gun.

In a flashback, Kate is revealed to be the prisoner.

Back on a hill, they hear a transmission, a French plea for rescue on a loop: “Please help me, please come get me. I’m alone now. I’m on an island, alone. Please, someone, come. On the island they’re dead. It killed them. It killed them all.” It’s been on loop for sixteen years, 5 months. Others have been stranded here before.

Charlie sets-up the intrigue concerning the island: “Where are we?”

Big Picture Hooks: Survivors of an airplane crash are stranded on a mysterious island.

Amazing and Intriguing Character(s): The Pilot introduces several intriguing characters set-up for further explanation, but the main focus lands on the one who became the unsought for leader of the group: the doctor, Jack.

Empathy/Distress: Jack wants to help other survivors and concerns himself with their well-being while struggling with his own inner turmoil.

Layers/Open Loops: Who are these survivors? Why do they have such unusual personalities that all happen to be on that specific plane? Will they survive? What is that unnatural sounding thing that moves trees like T-Rex’s in “Jurassic Park?” What is the island? Where are they?

Inviting Obsession: How are they going to survive? Will any help arrive? Will they get along or fracture into separate groups? Will we learn what the island is and why they crashed there?

[Michael Jones]

Mike Finds the Essence

What I learned is that the scenes aren’t just for entertainment, but a carefully selected view to showcase important elements of both character and story.

Script I choose: Stranger Things: Season Four, Chapter 7: “The Massacre at Hawkins Lab”

Scene 1 Location: Silo Lab-Eleven’s Room-Night – pgs. 6-7

Logline: Dr. Brenner prepares Eleven to face her fears to see what really happened the day of the mass slaughter in Hawkins Lab. A slaughter she believes she committed. He highlights the complexity of human actions, as if to help some of his own actions.

Essence: Dr. Brenner wants Eleven to get her psionic powers back.

Scene 2 Location: Russian Prison, Kamchatka-The Pit-Second Floor-Holding Cell– pg. 15-17

Logline: Hopper and fellow prisoner Dmitri wait in a cell preparing for a gladiatorial-like battle with a demogorgon, a monster from the Upside Down.

Essence: Hopper and Dmitri discuss hope on what it means to be a father and what they would do for their children.

Scene 3 Location: Woods – Night (Upside Down) – pgs. 22-24

Logline: Eddie bonds with Steve and relates how Nancy still cares about Steve.

Essence: There’s still love between Nancy and Steve.

Scene 4 Location: The Wheeler House – Kitchen/Hallway – pgs. 25-29

Logline: Dustin figures out that Vecna is making a psychic connection to his murder victims to open gates so the Mind Flayer can come through and rule the world.

Essence: Dustin realizes why Vecna is killing teens.

Scene 5 Location: Hawkins Lab (Memory) Final image – pg. 78 (but recommend pgs. 68 -78)

Logline: Vecna has a tattoo on his wrist showing him to be One, whom Eleven thought she killed.

Essence: Learn who Vecna is.

My selection for most profound essence:

Scene Location 3: Woods – Night (Upside Down)

BOOOOM! A FORK OF RED LIGHTNING scars the sky. We’re back in

the Upside Down, where —

Our teens are walking through the Upside Down forest. They

look around as they walk, nervous, keeping an eye out for

monsters and Demobats. As they walk, Steve sidles up to

Eddie, and — in very awkward “guy” way –

STEVE

Hey — Eddie — uh… just wanted

to say — thanks — you know, for

saving my ass like that –

EDDIE

Shit. You saved your own ass, man.

I mean, that was a real Ozzy move

you pulled back there –

STEVE

Ozzy — ?

EDDIE

When you took a bite outta that

Bat.

Steve stares, totally lost –

EDDIE (CONT’D)

Ozzy Osbourne. Black Sabbath? Bit a

bat’s head off on stage? Doesn’t

matter. It was very metal, what you

did, all I’m saying. Henderson told

me you were a badass — insisted on

it matter of fact — I just didn’t

believe him –

STEVE

(incredulous)

Dustin — said I was “badass”?

EDDIE

Oh yeah. Shit. Kid WORSHIPS you,

man. Like, you got no idea. It’s

rather annoying to be honest.

We can tell this means a lot to Steve –

EDDIE (CONT’D)

I don’t know why I even care what

that little shrimp thinks, but, uh

— I actually got like, a little

jealous about it. I just couldn’t

accept that Steve Harrington was

actually a good dude. Rich parents,

popular, girls love ’em, not a

douche? No way man, NO WAY, that

like, flies right in the face of

the laws of the universe and my own

personal Munson Doctrine. I’m still

super jealous as hell by the way

which is why I’d NEVER have jumped

in that lake to save your ass, not

under normal circumstances. Outside

of D and D, I’m no hero. I see

danger — I turn heel and run,

least that’s what I discovered

about myself this week. Truth is, I

came in here ‘cause —

(points to Nancy and Robin)

Those ladies jumped in after you —

and I was too damn ashamed to be

the one who stayed behind. Wheeler

there — she didn’t waste a second.

I mean not a split second. She just

— dove right in.

Steve tries to hide the fact that this means a lot to him.

EDDIE (CONT’D)

I don’t know what happened between

you two, but… I’d get her back,

man. Whatever it takes.

‘Cause that

— that was as unambiguous a sign

of true love as these cynical eyes

have ever seen.

Before a flustered Steve has a chance to respond –

BOOOM! The ground begins to shake beneath their feet. The

boys grab nearby trees to steady themselves as —

STEVE

Jesus –

EDDIE

Here we go again –

Robin nearly topples, but catches a tree at the last second.

ROBIN

(to Nancy)

Second on my list of least favorite

things — earthquakes. Like

seriously I’m unsteady enough as it

is –

Nancy is about to respond when her eyes narrow: She’s clocked

something. She hurries forward, ignoring the fact that the

ground is still trembling a bit beneath her feet –

ROBIN (CONT’D)

Nancy — where are you going?

Nancy??

Nancy doesn’t answer, she just keeps moving until she bursts

out of the tree line and into —

Essence: Eddie and Steve to bond, that people aren’t always stereotypical, and that Nancy still has feelings for Steve.

Why I believe it to be the essence: To break from the horror and have a real moment about what ways characters choose to act and what that can reveal about them.

[Michael Jones]

1. Mike Jones but I tend to author my scripts as M. Morgan Jones.

2. Four drafts and a partial TV pilot for a limited adventure series. Began learning to write screenplays in 2017.

3. Putting these great new skills to use on developing a new t.v. series idea and applying them to my other one.

4. Unique? You bet. Special? No doubt. Strange? Depends who you ask. Unusual? Not really. Evidence? Hardly. Tá mé I mo chonaí i gCeanada. Vancouver Island, British Columbia, to be precise.

5. I was in ProSeries 76, and have taken a bunch of other courses here and elsewhere, and this is my first Binge Worthy TV class since I only thought about doing a series in the last year or so.

[Michael Jones]

Mike Jones

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Character Journey Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I have way to many characters to get through this lesson and add them to my outline so I listed a couple below and they represent much of what I’ve already placed into the script. These details are a great skill but are too time consuming and cluttering of the outline. May have taken a wrong turn, somewhere, but I learned the skill for this part, initially.

SAM RADCLIFFE

A. Character Profile

Role: Leader/Friend.<div>

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Traits: Caring. Adventurous.

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Fears: Losing touch with the people he loves.

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Wants/Needs: Wants to create one lasting memory with his friends. Needs to keep his friends rational when the pressure hits; needs to regain control

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Likability/Rooting factors: He’s caring and wants to protect his friends. He do courageous things, putting himself at risk to keep his friends safe.

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>How they react under stress: Blend of fear and composure. Not always at his best.

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Relationship with other characters: The core of the group, everyone friends with him and that’s why they’re together, but since graduating, they drift in different directions.

B. Character Journey

Character Intro: Sets-up of the spook factor by telling his friends of Darian Brown while leading them on a hike up a path in the mountain. </div><div>

Denial: The story made them suggestive and prone to interpret things with a rational explanation.

First Reaction to Horror: Fear followed by trying to make the most of their time together. “This can be a Scooby-Doo thing.” Playful, imaginative.

Response after First Horror: Tries to calm everyone down with reason and a positive attitude.

Relation to Group after First Horror: Defensive, distant, as they blame him when all he was trying to do was bring them together before each went on with their lives. “Little good, that plan of yours, if we don’t get to go on with the rest of it.”

Reaction as Horror Increases: Disbelief, despair.

How They Fight Back: Weapons and threats as they join forces with a research team. Discover the truth of who the Phantom is and the obsession with protecting the Sasquatch.

End Point: He successfully gave them a time to remember, but it wasn’t an adventure, it was a horror! Loses the one friend he cared for most.

Insight from Death/Survival: Bad things happen, despite our intentions, and we have to live with the consequences. He tries to solidify the friendship. Instead, it was torn apart.

MEGAN FORD

A. Character Profile

Role: Skeptic. University Student, completed Freshman year and finding her stride in science. </div><div>

Traits: Critical. Confident. Bit of a know-it-all.

Fears: Unscientific viewpoints; threats to survival.

Wants/Needs: She wants to not only study natural things but inform people about them. Needs to expand her thinking and accept what she sees and experiences. Also, needs to stop being so resistant.

Likability/Rooting factors: Intelligent but kind and likes to have fun.
How they react under stress: Not well when her experiences show her things that shouldn’t exist.

Relationship with other characters: Courteous but knows they don’t have much place in her future apart from reunions. Grew up with them.

B. Character Journey

Character Intro: Identifies trees and tells her friend Danny not to eat the ‘huckleberries’ since they are a poisonous look-a-like. Likes using the word, ‘science.’ </div><div>

Denial: Skeptic about monsters, ghosts, phantoms, Bigfoot. Looks at ‘real’ things it could be and thinks fanciful imagination plays tricks on the mind in uncertain environments.
T

heir reaction at first horror: Fear, not because of a monster, but she thinks some human creep or murderer.

Response after first horror: Sides with Sam but still blames him for getting them into this. She didn’t want to come.

Relation to the group after first horror: Tends to argue with the views that threaten her own worldview and becomes frustrated with their fanciful beliefs and ideas.

Reaction as horror increases: Gives in to ideas science can’t always explain, and respect for friends with differing worldviews.

How they fight back: Rational, protective of her friends, utilizes knowledge of natural world.

End Point: Not dismissive of other views, but allows for growth in her understanding, being a person herself who has a story, many will ridicule and refuse to believe.

Insight from death/survival: The world is full of things we can’t always explain, and need to consider why she cares so much about life if it has no actual meaning.

NATE SULLIVAN

A. Character Profile

Role: Introvert. Fearful. </div><div>

Traits: Introvert. Prefers being alone and reading and playing games.

Fears: Personal Harm, Pain. A lot of flight, very little fight.

Wants/Needs: Wants to be safe and comfortable. Needs to adapt to present situation.

Likability/Rooting factors: Acts to fears in relatable ways, but want him to have some courage.

How they react under stress: Poorly. Hysterical. Melodramatic.

Relationship with other characters: Generally agreeable but under pressure a ‘glass half empty were going to die of thirst’ kind of bloke.

B. Character Journey

Character intro: With friends on the hike but startles easy at birds or squirrels or harmless snakes. </div>

Denial: Can’t believe it’s happening and reminds how right he was to not want to do this.

Their reaction at first horror: Runs but always keeps behind the one in front. Wants to enter cottage but won’t be the first. First concern is personal safety.

Response after first horror: Refuses to take any risks.

Relation to group after first horror: A burden as his pessimism and anxiety elevate the already stressful situation.

Reaction as horror increases: Tries keeping close the one he thinks he’ll be safest with.

How they fight back: Tries to shoot the threat.

End Point: Shoots himself after accidentally shooting his friend.

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Sometimes, the greatest horror is not being able to come back from a failed decision and give up, altogether.

etc.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned to think about the monster reveals and the reasons for doing so. Since, for this story, I want the monsters to be more ambiguous, this assignment helped me add an extra Sasquatch and tighten the tense moments of fear. This could happen to anyone and in ways beyond their control. This also beats writing a script to only figure these details and weak points out after.

WHO OR WHAT IS THE MONSTER?

What are its powers? Familiarity with surroundings, has a ‘pet’ Sasquatch, highly educated and obsessively motivated, exploits environments and terrifies any potential threats in her territory. Also, the unexpected creature not bound to human laws.

What are its limitations? Human so only has wit, not magic or special power, to rely on in her quest to protect the Sasquatch; unexpected Sasquatch has ferocious strength.

What are its weaknesses? Same frailties that plague all humans, but her ultimate weakness is her passion to protect the Sasquatch; flesh and blood.

What is its Plan/Purpose/Appetite? Plan is to terrify people to avoid Sasquatch territory, to protect this last remaining Sasquatch after its family had been killed, and her questionable ways to protect the creature at any cost; territorial and defensive when threatened.

Who or what the monster is: A disavowed academic with a hatred for any real or perceived threat to Sasquatches? The hunter and scientist? The reaction of the teens? The unexpected Sasquatch?

SEQUENCE AND DEMAND

I combined the two to basically show the confusion of events and that no one’s plan is working the way they intend. The real horror is ambiguous: the people or the creatures? Especially, the one no one expected?

Demand: Suspense. What are the sounds the teens are hearing in the forest?

Monster Reveal: There is something stalking them in the woods.

2. Demand: Eerie. The teens flee the wrong way by going deeper into the ‘haunted area’ where they come across a run down stone cottage.

Monster Reveal: The teens catch a glimpse of what appears to be a Sasquatch.

3. Demand: Inside the house holds it’s own terrors with evidence of occult rituals, playing into the growing hysteria of what is happening.

Monster Reveal: Confusion while something lurks outside the building.

4. Demand: One teen determines to face the creature and scare it off but sees something else and dies trying to escape.

Monster Reveal: A figure with a Sasquatch mask chases the teen which causes the teen to slip and perish.

5. Demand: After seeing this figure chase their friend, they argue and remain as night advances.

Monster reveal: Theres a person in a costume, a Sasquatch, and creepy ritual stuff.

6. Demand: A professional team hunting for a Sasquatch see teen fumble and die.

Monster Reveal: The hunter sees something over the crest of the hill.

7. Demand: Professional team sees abandoned cottage occupied and after brief fear meet the teens and tell them what happened.

Monster Reveal: Sasquatch attacks cottage; too quick for hunter; they flee into the woods and sunder into groups.

8. Demand: Sasquatch researcher finds markings on a tree; Megan, Katie, and Maddy enter cave.

Monster Reveal: Sasquatch follows the girls into the cave and protects them from something else inside.

9. Demand: Sam encounters the Feral Phantom but Flint shows up with Nate and Declan.

Monster Reveal: The Feral Phantom flies from flint showing it can be hurt.

10. Demand: The girls meet up with Sam and Declan. Katie provides pertinent information about the markings and the anthropologist, Dr. Eleanor Sable. The Feral Phantom confronts Flint with a stone.

Monster Reveal: The Feral Phantom smashes Flint’s head in.

11. Demand: Sasquatch carries Feral Phantom off, while a trembling Nate picks up Flint’s firearm and shoots at it. He misses and hits Katie, instead. The Sasquatch stops and roars, then flees. Filled with remorse he turns the gun on himself.

Monster Reveal: The monsters are not the killers they seem but a brief debate while building the trap continues.

12. Demand: Chaos during Sasquatch trap attempt, Declan caught. Feral Phantom confronts him and reveals herself. Declan spared.

Monster Reveal: We see the Feral Phantom, Dr. Eleanor Sable, disgraced and chased out of academia for her research, learn her witness of Sasquatch slaughter, and the child Sasquatch she saved; (the reason for doing what she does). Complex, not totally unhinged.

13. Demand: Dr. Julian values the science more, and tries killing Dr. Sable and capturing the Sasquatch.

Monster Reveal: The Sasquatch annihilates Dr. Julian to protect his surrogate family.

14. Demand: Declan meets the Sasquatch. Dr. Sable and the Sasquatch flee to a new territory. The remaining three friends struggle to find solace while emergency crews arrive.

Monster Reveal: Who were the real monsters? And is it still out there?

Adding the ‘Monster Reveal’ to the Outline

ACT 1

Atmosphere of Evil established: Eight year old child, Darian Brown, playing hide and seek. Here’s the ‘Ready or not, here I come’ in the distance and goes further into the woods. He sees a stone cottage to hide in.

Horror Situation: Snapping twigs.

Reaction – stifled laughter: No way he’ll be found.

Horror Situation: Darian looks out and he sees something.

Reaction – terror: His face shows it.

Horror situation: Monster approaching and no escape.

Reactions – defeat: Screams as all goes dark.

Connect with the characters: 12 Years Later: Sam leads Megan, Nate, Maddy, Kate, and Danny along the trail, with Sam retelling the story of Darian Brown.

The characters are warned not to do it: Some strange sounds, eerie forebodings, and a solo female hiker warns them of some unusual activity from a strange part of the forest named, “The Whispering Thicket.” “They say there’s a phantom up there. The Feral Phantom. That is if you believe in that stuff,” she says before hiking off. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Intro of Dr. Julian Grimm, Declan Caldwell, and Flint Maddox.

Denial of Horror: Sam assures his friends that this will be a fun time, a time to remember, and despite the stories, there’s no cause to fear.

Safety taken away: Sam and friends enter ‘The Whispering Thicket,’ where Darian saw the monster. They go to the abandoned stone cottage but refuse to enter.

Horror Situation: Spooky. They hear something behind them. Their exit is blocked by something but they can’t see what it is.

Reaction – Argue: They argue over what it could be.

1. Demand: Suspense. What are the sounds the teens are hearing in the forest?

Monster Reveal: There is something stalking them in the woods.

Horror Situation: Two tree knocks, loud and close.

Reaction – Flee into shelter: They hide in the ruins of the abandoned stone cottage.

2. Demand: Eerie. The teens flee the wrong way by going deeper into the ‘haunted area’ where they come across a run down stone cottage.

Monster Reveal: The teens catch a glimpse of what appears to be a Sasquatch.

Monster: The nature of the beast: The friends peek outs and get their first glimpse of the monster.

Horror Situation: A quick glimpse of a Sasquatch steps out from a tree.

Reaction – Panic and confusion: Terror-stricken, they attempt to make sense of what they think they see.

Horror Situation: More spook. Evidence of rituals.

Reaction – Fear and blame. They blame Sam for bringing them there but they just want to get out.

3. Demand: Inside the house holds it’s own terrors with evidence of occult rituals, playing into the growing hysteria of what is happening.

Monster Reveal: Confusion while something lurks outside the building.

Horror Situation: Noises and sounds of the Sasquatch close, then silence.

Reaction – Helpless and afraid. Trapped. Evening approaching.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Friends trapped in abandoned cottage.

Horror Situation: Menacing figure, whispers.

Reaction – Denial: Megan argues with Katie that the thicket, the whispers, the folklore of the ‘Feral Phantom’ is a story, which is never as magical as they seem. “This isn’t the movies.”

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes an appearance.

Reaction: Nate becomes hysterical. Danny becomes a liability.

Character Death: Danny faces the terror only to find he hasn’t the courage. Flint, the hunter, finds him. Danny tells his friends they’re being pranked and he’ll prove it. Despite protests, he strides out in full bravado.

Horror Situation: The friends see Danny fall backwards and scrambles up. Something has him spooked. They peek from the stone ruins to find the Feral Phantom chasing and shouting at Danny but they can’t hear what it’s saying.

Reaction – Megan barrels out and Sam follows but they don’t see anything. They hear Danny screaming. More sounds send them back inside where they fret about Danny.

4. Demand: One teen determines to face the creature and scare it off but sees something else and dies trying to escape.

Monster Reveal: A figure with a Sasquatch mask chases the teen but stops at the sight of something else which causes the teen to slip and perish. More than one Sasquatch?

Character Death 1: Danny tumbles down a hill and ends up impaled on a spiked branch from a fallen tree.

Why?: He feigns courage but actually has none and seeks to escape.

How?: He charges carelessly into action and not prepared for what he sees. The Feral Phantom chases him.

Horror Situation: Danny falls to his death, impaled on broken branch of a fallen log.

Reaction: Lands in front of Flint Maddox, Declan Caldwell and Dr. Julian grim. Flint sees the Feral Phantom.

5. Demand: A professional team hunting for a Sasquatch see teen fumble and die.

Monster Reveal: The hunter sees something over the crest of the hill.

Choices: Declan argues with Flint and Dr. Julian that they need to notify the police about the body. Flint convinces them not, too, but to satisfy Declan agrees to protect the body from wildlife and alert the authorities when finished. “This is a sign. This is what we came here to do. Call it in, might as well go home,” Flint tells them. Dr. Julian wants to keep going, and his excitement shows.

The friends argue about what to do and how they need to find Danny.

6. Demand: After seeing this figure chase their friend, they argue and remain as night advances.

Monster reveal: Theres a person in a costume, a Sasquatch, and creepy ritual stuff.

Horror Situations Stones thrown at cottage. Gunshot.

Reaction: Sam confronts the danger but it’s only Dr. Julian and team.

Horror Situation: The group weeps at the news of Danny. Flint matter of fact, not so gentle. Told of a Sasquatch. Nighttime. Foggy. The door bangs.

Reaction: Flint grabs his gun and checks from the doorway. He fires a shot, just because.

7. Demand: Professional team sees abandoned cottage occupied and after brief fear meet the teens and tell them what happened.

Monster Reveal: Sasquatch attacks cottage but which one? Too quick for hunter; the victims run into the woods and sunder into groups.

Horror Situation: A stone hits Flint. He sees the Feral Phantom but it vanishes.

Reaction: Mayhem. The friends make a run for it, despite protests from Declan. Nate remains behind.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! They think the Sasquatch is playing with them, like an orca with a seal.

Full pursuit by the killer: Declan tries helping teens escape but the teens see the Sasquatch again and separate, some into the cave, where the Sasquatch enters.

Horror Situation: Monster approaches.

Reaction: Sam splits from Megan, Katie, and Maddy in the mayhem. Megan, Katie and Maddy enter a cave. “That could be that thing’s lair,” Maddy protests.

Terrorized: In the cave the noises and sounds of the approaching Sasquatch with no escape. But something else hunts them. Another Sasquatch? Something more terrifying. Actual villain revealed?

Horror Situation: The Sasquatch enters the cave.

Reaction: The friends retreat further in and try to hid in a dark recess. They hear it. “We’re dead. You don’t think that thing can’t smell us?” – Maddy; “Doesn’t have to smell us, just listen to you freak out.” – Megan.

Horror Situation: Megan feels something. Katie turns on flashlight. Bones!

Reaction: Maddy screams the flashlight catches eye shine and the light goes out.

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes strange incantation-like sounds in front of Sam.

Reaction: He freezes but Flint fires off his gun. Sam escapes while Flint confronts the Feral Phantom.

8. Demand: Sasquatch researcher finds markings on a tree; Megan, Katie, and Maddy enter cave.

Monster Reveal: Sasquatch follows the girls into the cave and protects them from something else inside.

The girls intercept Sam who has a bit of a jump scare at their call. They tell him how the Sasquatch protected them.

Horror Situation: The Feral Phantom disappears behind a tree. Flint moves toward it. He shoots at it. Raises gun for another shot, when…SMASH. The Feral Phantom savagely beats him to death.

9. Demand: Flint hunts but becomes the hunted.

Monster Reveal: The Feral Phantom flies from flint showing it can be hurt but that it can also hurt things.

Character Death 2: Flint is a threat a gets throttled by the Feral Phantom.

10. Demand: The girls meet up with Sam and Declan. Katie provides pertinent information about the markings and the anthropologist, Dr. Eleanor Sable. The Feral Phantom confronts Flint with a stone.

Monster Reveal: The Feral Phantom smashes Flint’s head in.

Why? Flint is out for the trophy. He wants the Sasquatch to be a thing on display. That goes against the Feral Phantom’s purpose.

How? Flint fires his gun at the Feral Phantom and the Sasquatch sneaks up and destroys him with physical strength. Maybe even rips an arm off.

Reaction: Nate takes gun for protection.

Sam and the girls run into Declan and he tells about the symbols he saw. He and Katie try to figure out the markings. Katie remembers them from a paper about the research of Dr. Eleanor Sable. “This is just a woman doing this?” – Dr. Julian takes a needle attached to vile of poison. Declan knows and tells Katie what happens as Dr. Julian hunts the Feral Phantom. “Where’s Nate?” The friends go out to find him.

Nate alone and paranoid. The Feral Phantom taunts him. He fires the gun, not well. Katie appears with Megan behind.

11. Demand: Sasquatch carries Feral Phantom off, while a trembling Nate picks up Flint’s firearm and shoots at it. He misses and hits Katie, instead. The Sasquatch stops and roars, then flees. Filled with remorse he turns the gun on himself.

Monster Reveal: The monsters are not the killers they seem but a brief debate among the victims while building the trap. Also evidence by new wounds on Sasquatch, there’s another about.

Character Death 3: Katie accidentally shot by Nate.

Why?: Nate uses Flint’s rifle to try and kill the Sasquatch out of fear but misses and hits Katie.

How?: Attempts to shoot the Sasquatch but fails, Katie trying to stop him but he thinks she’s in danger.

Character Death 4: Nate shoots himself for killing Katie.

Why?: He can’t live with himself or face the consequences.

How?: He gives up and puts a bullet in his head.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Declan, Sam and Megan calm Dr. Julian and devise a trap for the Sasquatch.

12. Demand: Chaos during Sasquatch trap attempt, Declan caught. Feral Phantom confronts him and reveals herself. Declan spared.

Monster Reveal: We see the Feral Phantom, Dr. Eleanor Sable, disgraced and chased out of academia for her research, learn her witness of Sasquatch slaughter, and the child Sasquatch she saved; (the reason for doing what she does). Complex, not totally unhinged.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch lured to trap. It doesn’t work.

Reaction: Escape and confrontation.

Dr. Julian spots the Feral Phantom and chases it.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian attempts to stab the Feral Phantom with a lethal injection. He almost succeeds.

Reaction: The Feral Phantom makes a ‘whooping’ call.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian attacks Feral Phantom. They fight. Sasquatch arrives. Dr. Julian paralyzed with fear.

Reaction: Feral Phantom knocks Dr. Julian. Sasquatch and Feral Phantom escape.

Hysteria: Sam, Megan, and Maddy play off each others paranoia while Declan sets his trap.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch traps Declan instead.

Reaction: Feral Phantom reveals herself: Dr. Eleanor Sable. Dr. Eleanor Sable reveals some of how she got to be there and why she protects this Sasquatch. She spares Declan’s life.

Character Near Death: Declan almost succumbs to the Feral Phantom but is spared.

Why?: The Feral Phantom thinks Declan is a threat, at first, but they come to have a mutual respect though perhaps a difference of methodology..

How?: The Feral Phantom will use his instruments against him but let him live at the last minute.

The Feral Phantom and the Sasquatch retreat into the cave.

The thrilling escape from death: False defeat of villain.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian insane with rage grabs gun and fumbles bullets into it.

Reaction: Declan tries to stop him and gets shot but not fatally. Dr. Julian fires at the girls but misses. He’s not really thinking clear.

Death returns to take one or more: The villain overthrown, but at a heavy cost.

Sasquatch senses danger, stops Dr. Sable from leaving cave.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian takes a hunting knife off Flint’s corpse.

Reaction: Sam knows what he must do, Dr. Julian pushes him away and swings the knife at him, nearly hitting him.

13. Demand: Dr. Julian values the science more and hunts to kill.

Monster Reveal: A Sasquatch annihilates Dr. Julian but it’s not the one with the Feral Phantom.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian nears the cave and taunts the ones trapped inside.

Reaction: Another Sasquatch kills Dr. Julian, protecting Sasquatch and Feral Phantom.

Character Death 5: Dr. Julian gets killed by another Sasquatch, one a bit more fierce.

Why?: Dr. Julian wants to experiment on the Sasquatch and confine it for his own interests. That doesn’t sit well with it’s protector, and Declan knows the greater enemy.

How?: Declan stabs him in the heart (“If only you knew how to use it better.),” and the Feral Phantom frees him of the knife.

Resolution: Sasquatch free, teens get free but some friends down, and disturbed by shaken reality. Declan has his evidence but chooses to keep it secret.

14. Demand: Declan meets the Sasquatch. Dr. Sable and the Sasquatch flee to a new territory. The remaining three friends struggle to find solace while emergency crews arrive.

Monster Reveal: Who were the real monsters? And is it still out there?

Declan meets the Sasquatch.

Dr. Sable and Sasquatch leave.

Sam joins his friends only to find out that after all he did to try to give them one last hurrah, he broke their friendship—he did. What he tries to save, he loses. Megan knows what happened was unforeseeable but Maddy wants nothing to do with him and blames him for the nightmares she’ll never forget.

Horror Situation: Sam stares off a ledge, overcome and ready to fall.

Reaction: Declan pulls him back. One last line of sagely advice.

Morning comes on, foggy. The authorities arriving, the military.

Final Monster Reveal: Another Sasquatch stands up, bears it’s teeth and retreats into the woods.

[Michael Jones]

1. Mike Jones but I tend to author my scripts as M. Morgan Jones.

2. Four drafts and a partial TV pilot for a limited adventure series. Began learning to write screenplays in 2017.

3. Putting these great new skills to use on developing a new t.v. series idea and applying them to my other one.

4. Unique? You bet. Special? No doubt. Strange? Depends who you ask. Unusual? Not really. Evidence? Hardly.

5. I was in ProSeries 76, and have taken a bunch of other courses here and elsewhere, and this is my first Binge Worthy TV class since I only thought about doing a series in the last year or so.

Am grateful to be part of this with y’all.

[Michael Jones]

Mike Jones

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Michael Jones]

I have to work every Saturday but I look forward to listening to the lessons and the questions other alumni have. Thank you for doing these. I learn a lot from them.

Thanks,

Mike

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

To build tension and have the deaths come at the right moment to increase stakes. Each shows the reactionary variables of people in a high pressure situation. It’s not necessarily who they are but who they become in those tense moments. I also wanted to have the villain somewhat wild, but still very human, and the Sasquatch somewhat tame, though very wild.

I also changed some plot elements and rearranged some character incidents. I tend to like to have a purpose or reason for doing something (even if it’s to show there doesn’t have to be a reason), so I enjoyed giving these characters a bit more life than existing mainly to be killed, though, that’s exactly why they are there!

Character Death 1: Danny tumbles down a hill and ends up impaled on a spiked branch from a fallen tree.

Why?: He feigns courage but actually has none and seeks to escape.

How?: He charges carelessly into action and not prepared for what he sees. The Feral Phantom chases him.

Character Death 2: Flint is a threat a gets throttled by the Sasquatch.

Why? Flint is out for the trophy. He wants the Sasquatch to be a thing on display. That goes against the Feral Phantom’s purpose.

How? Flint fires his gun at the Feral Phantom and the Sasquatch sneaks up and destroys him with physical strength. Maybe even rips an arm off.

Character Death 3: Katie accidentally shot by Nate.

Why?: Nate uses Flint’s rifle to try and kill the Sasquatch out of fear but misses and hits Katie.

How?: Attempts to shoot the Sasquatch but fails, Katie trying to stop him but he thinks she’s in danger.

Character Death 4: Nate shoots himself for killing Katie.

Why?: He can’t live with himself or face the consequences.

How?: He gives up and puts a bullet in his head.

Character Death 5: Dr. Julian gets killed by Declan.

Why?: Dr. Julian wants to experiment on the Sasquatch and confine it for his own interests. That doesn’t sit well with it’s protector, and Declan knows the greater enemy.

How?: Declan stabs him in the heart (“If only you knew how to use it better.),” and the Feral Phantom frees him of the knife.

Character Near Death: Declan almost succumbs to the Feral Phantom but is spared.

Why?: The Feral Phantom thinks Declan is a threat, at first, but they come to have a mutual respect though difference of opinion.

How?: The Feral Phantom will use his instruments against him but let him live at the last minute.

Most deaths are reactionary, a direct threat, or caused by their own actions. The Phantom means only to scare but things can get out of hand fast. Phantom lives an isolated life as if her fate is tied to the Bigfoot’s.

Megan, Maddy, and Sam survive. Megan’s views are shaken but doesn’t blame Sam for these unforeseeable events, but Maddy can’t do likewise. She can’t forget, and she can’t see Sam the same. He used to be the one that let her dream. Now, all she’ll have are nightmares. “You gave us a memory, but it wasn’t the one you hoped for.”

Building the Deaths into the Outline

ACT 1

Atmosphere of Evil established: Eight year old child, Darian Brown, playing hide and seek. Here’s the ‘Ready or not, here I come’ in the distance and goes further into the woods. He sees a stone cottage to hide in.

Horror Situation: Snapping twigs.

Reaction – stifled laughter: No way he’ll be found.

Horror Situation: Darian looks out and he sees something.

Reaction – terror: His face shows it.

Horror situation: Monster approaching and no escape.

Reactions – defeat: Screams as all goes dark.

Connect with the characters: 12 Years Later: Sam leads Megan, Nate, Maddy, Kate, and Danny along the trail, with Sam retelling the story of Darian Brown.

The characters are warned not to do it: Some strange sounds, eerie forebodings, and a solo female hiker warns them of some unusual activity from a strange part of the forest named, “The Whispering Thicket.” “They say there’s a phantom up there. The Feral Phantom. That is if you believe in that stuff,” she says before hiking off. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Intro of Dr. Julian Grimm, Declan Caldwell, and Flint Maddox.

Denial of Horror: Sam assures his friends that this will be a fun time, a time to remember, and despite the stories, there’s no cause to fear.

Safety taken away: Sam and friends enter ‘The Whispering Thicket,’ where Darian saw the monster. They go to the abandoned stone cottage but refuse to enter.

Horror Situation: Spooky. They hear something behind them. Their exit is blocked by something but they can’t see what it is.

Reaction – Argue: They argue over what it could be.

Horror Situation: Two tree knocks, loud and close.

Reaction – Flee into shelter: They hide in the ruins of the abandoned stone cottage.

Monster: The nature of the beast: The friends peek outs and get their first glimpse of the monster.

Horror Situation: A quick glimpse of a Sasquatch steps out from a tree.

Reaction – Panic and confusion: Terror-stricken, they attempt to make sense of what they think they see.

Horror Situation: More spook. Evidence of rituals.

Reaction – Fear and blame. They blame Sam for bringing them there but they just want to get out.

Horror Situation: Noises and sounds of the Sasquatch close, then silence.

Reaction – Helpless and afraid. Trapped. Evening approaching.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Friends trapped in abandoned cottage.

Horror Situation: Menacing figure, whispers.

Reaction – Denial: Megan argues with Katie that the thicket, the whispers, the folklore of the ‘Feral Phantom’ is a story, which is never as magical as they seem. “This isn’t the movies.”

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes an appearance.

Reaction: Nate becomes hysterical. Danny becomes a liability.

Character Death: Danny faces the terror only to find he hasn’t the courage. Flint, the hunter, finds him. Danny tells his friends they’re being pranked and he’ll prove it. Despite protests, he strides out in full bravado.

Horror Situation: The friends see Danny fall backwards and scrambles up. Something has him spooked. They peek from the stone ruins to find the Feral Phantom chasing and shouting at Danny but they can’t hear what it’s saying.

Reaction – Megan barrels out and Sam follows but they don’t see anything. They hear Danny screaming. More sounds send them back inside where they fret about Danny.

Character Death 1: Danny tumbles down a hill and ends up impaled on a spiked branch from a fallen tree.

Why?: He feigns courage but actually has none and seeks to escape.

How?: He charges carelessly into action and not prepared for what he sees. The Feral Phantom chases him.

Horror Situation: Danny falls to his death, impaled on broken branch of a fallen log.

Reaction: Lands in front of Flint Maddox, Declan Caldwell and Dr. Julian grim. Flint sees the Feral Phantom.

Choices: Declan argues with Flint and Dr. Julian that they need to notify the police about the body. Flint convinces them not, too, but to satisfy Declan agrees to protect the body from wildlife and alert the authorities when finished. “This is a sign. This is what we came here to do. Call it in, might as well go home,” Flint tells them. Dr. Julian wants to keep going, and his excitement shows.

The friends argue about what to do and how they need to find Danny.

Horror Situations Stones thrown at cottage. Gunshot.

Reaction: Sam confronts the danger but it’s only Dr. Julian and team.

Horror Situation: The group weeps at the news of Danny. Flint matter of fact, not so gentle. Told of a Sasquatch. Nighttime. Foggy. The door bangs.

Reaction: Flint grabs his gun and checks from the doorway. He fires a shot, just because.

Horror Situation: A stone hits Flint. He sees the masked phantom but it vanishes.

Reaction: Mayhem. The friends make a run for it, despite protests from Declan. Nate remains behind.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! They think the Sasquatch is playing with them, like an orca with a seal.

Full pursuit by the killer: Dr. Julian tries helping teens escape but the teens see the Sasquatch again and separate, some into the cave, where the Sasquatch enters.

Horror Situation: Monster approaches.

Reaction: Sam splits from Megan, Katie, and Maddy in the mayhem. Megan, Katie and Maddy enter a cave. “That could be that thing’s lair,” Maddy protests.

Terrorized: In the cave the noises and sounds of the approaching Sasquatch with no escape. But something else hunts them. Something more terrifying. Actual villain revealed.

Horror Situation: The Sasquatch enters the cave.

Reaction: The friends retreat further in and try to hid in a dark recess. They hear it. “We’re dead. You don’t think that thing can’t smell us?” – Maddy; “Doesn’t have to smell us, just listen to you freak out.” – Megan.

Horror Situation: Megan feels something. Katie turns on flashlight. Bones!

Reaction: Maddy screams the flashlight catches eye shine and the light goes out.

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes strange incantation-like sounds in front of Sam.

Reaction: He freezes but Flint fires off his gun. Sam escapes while Flint confronts the Feral Phantom.

The girls intercept Sam who has a bit of a jump scare at their call. They tell him how the Sasquatch let them go. Just sniffed them and made sure they were okay.

Horror Situation: The Feral Phantom disappears behind a tree. Flint moves toward it. He shoots at it. Raises gun for another shot, when…SMASH. His body snaps as the giant ape destroys him.

Character Death 2: Flint is a threat a gets throttled by the Sasquatch.

Why? Flint is out for the trophy. He wants the Sasquatch to be a thing on display. That goes against the Feral Phantom’s purpose.

How? Flint fires his gun at the Feral Phantom and the Sasquatch sneaks up and destroys him with physical strength. Maybe even rips an arm off.

Reaction: Markings on a tree. Declan recognizes something, so does Katie. Nate takes gun for protection.

Sam and the girls run into Declan and he tells about the symbols he saw. He and Katie try to figure out the markings. Katie remembers them from a paper about the research of Dr. Eleanor Sable. “This is just a woman doing this?” – Dr. Julian takes a needle attached to vile of poison. Declan knows and tells Katie what happens as Dr. Julian hunts the Feral Phantom. “Where’s Nate?” The friends go out to find him.

Nate alone and paranoid. The Feral Phantom taunts him. He fires the gun, not well. Katie appears with Megan behind.

Character Death 3: Katie accidentally shot by Nate.

Why?: Nate uses Flint’s rifle to try and kill the Sasquatch out of fear but misses and hits Katie.

How?: Attempts to shoot the Sasquatch but fails, Katie trying to stop him but he thinks she’s in danger.

Character Death 4: Nate shoots himself for killing Katie.

Why?: He can’t live with himself or face the consequences.

How?: He gives up and puts a bullet in his head.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Declan, Sam and Megan calm Dr. Julian and devise a trap for the Sasquatch.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch lured to trap. It doesn’t work.

Reaction: Escape and confrontation.

Dr. Julian spots the Feral Phantom and chases it.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian attempts to stab the Feral Phantom with a lethal injection. He almost succeeds.

Reaction: The Feral Phantom makes a ‘whooping’ call.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian attacks Feral Phantom. They fight. Sasquatch arrives. Dr. Julian paralyzed with fear.

Reaction: Feral Phantom goes berserker and beats on Dr. Julian. Sasquatch carries off Feral Phantom.

Hysteria: Sam, Megan, and Maddy play off each others paranoia while Declan sets his trap.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch traps Declan instead.

Reaction: Feral Phantom reveals herself: Dr. Eleanor Sable. Dr. Eleanor Sable reveals some of how she got to be there and why she protects this Sasquatch. She spares Declan’s life.

Character Near Death: Declan almost succumbs to the Feral Phantom but is spared.

Why?: The Feral Phantom thinks Declan is a threat, at first, but they come to have a mutual respect though perhaps a difference of methodology..

How?: The Feral Phantom will use his instruments against him but let him live at the last minute.

The Feral Phantom and the Sasquatch retreat into the cave.

The thrilling escape from death: False defeat of villain.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian insane with rage grabs gun and fumbles bullets into it.

Reaction: Declan tries to stop him and gets shot but not fatally. Dr. Julian fires at the girls but misses. He’s not really thinking clear.

Death returns to take one or more: The villain overthrown, but at a heavy cost.

Sasquatch senses danger, stops Dr. Sable from leaving cave.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian takes a hunting knife off Flint’s corpse.

Reaction: Sam knows what he must do, Dr. Julian pushes him away and swings the knife at him, nearly hitting him.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch on the move. Dr. Julian captures the Feral Phantom and goes for the kill.

Reaction: Declan kills Dr. Julian, protecting Sasquatch and Feral Phantom.

Character Death 5: Dr. Julian gets killed by Declan.

Why?: Dr. Julian wants to experiment on the Sasquatch and confine it for his own interests. That doesn’t sit well with it’s protector, and Declan knows the greater enemy.

How?: Declan stabs him in the heart (“If only you knew how to use it better.),” and the Feral Phantom frees him of the knife.

Resolution: Sasquatch free, teens get free but some friends down, and disturbed by shaken reality. Declan has his evidence but chooses to keep it secret.

Declan meets the Sasquatch.

Dr. Sable and Sasquatch leave.

Sam joins his friends only to find out that after all he did to try to give them one last hurrah, he broke their friendship—he did. What he tries to save, he loses. Megan knows what happened was unforeseeable but Maddy wants nothing to do with him and blames him for the nightmares she’ll never forget.

Horror Situation: Sam stares off a ledge, overcome and ready to fall.

Reaction: Declan pulls him back. One last line of sagely advice.

Morning comes on, foggy. The authorities arriving, the military.

Another Sasquatch stands up, bears it’s teeth and retreats into the woods.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I put in a lot of repetitive stuff, but the process allows me to think and visually evaluate some things that might work and some things that might not. I started referring to the ‘Feral Phantom’ as the ‘Masked Stranger’ so still not sure which way to go. But, I’ll let the changes come as the course progresses.

ACT 1

Atmosphere of Evil established: Eight year old child, Darian Brown, playing hide and seek. Here’s the ‘Ready or not, here I come’ in the distance and goes further into the woods. He sees a stone cottage to hide in.

Horror Situation: Snapping twigs.

Reaction – stifled laughter: No way he’ll be found.

Horror Situation: He looks out and he sees something.

Reaction – terror: His face shows it.

Horror situation: Monster approaching and no escape.

Reactions – defeat: Screams as all goes dark.

Connect with the characters: 12 Years Later: Sam leads Megan, Nate, Maddy, Kate, and Danny along the trail, with Sam retelling the story of Darian Brown. <div>

The characters are warned not to do it: Some strange sounds, eerie forebodings, and a solo female hiker warns them of some unusual activity from a strange part of the forest named, “The Whispering Thicket.” “They say there’s a phantom up there. The Feral Phantom. That is if you believe in that stuff,” she says before hiking off. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Intro of Dr. Julian Grimm, Declan Caldwell, and Flint Maddox.

Denial of Horror: Sam assures his friends that this will be a fun time, a time to remember, and despite the stories, there’s no cause to fear.

Safety taken away: Sam and friends enter ‘The Whispering Thicket,’ where Darian saw the monster. They go to the abandoned stone cottage but refuse to enter.

Horror Situation: Spooky. They hear something behind them. Their exit is blocked by something but they can’t see what it is.

Reaction – Argue: They argue over what it could be.

Horror Situation: Two tree knocks, loud and close.

Reaction – Flee into shelter: They hide in the ruins of the abandoned stone cottage.

Monster: The nature of the beast: The friends peek outs and get their first glimpse of the monster.

Horror Situation: A quick glimpse of a Sasquatch steps out from a tree.

Reaction – Panic and confusion: Terror-stricken, they attempt to make sense of what they think they see.

Horror Situation: More spook. Evidence of rituals.

Reaction – Fear and blame. They blame Sam for bringing them there but they just want to get out.

Horror Situation: Noises and sounds of the Sasquatch close, then silence.

Reaction – Helpless and afraid. Trapped. Evening approaching.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Friends trapped in abandoned cottage.<div>

Horror Situation: Menacing figure, whispers.

Reaction – Denial: Megan argues with Katie that the thicket, the whispers, the folklore of the ‘Feral Phantom’ is a story, which is never as magical as they seem. “This isn’t the movies.”

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes an appearance.

Reaction: Nate becomes hysterical. Danny becomes a liability.

Character Death: Danny faces the terror only to find he hasn’t the courage. Flint, the hunter, finds him. Danny tells his friends they’re being pranked and he’ll prove it. Despite protests, he strides out in full bravado.
Dr. Julian and team meet up with teens.</div><div>

Horror Situation: The friends see Danny fall backwards and scrambles up. Something has him spooked. They peek from the stone ruins to find the Feral Phantom chasing and shouting at Danny but they can’t hear what it’s saying.

Reaction – Megan barrels out and Sam follows but they don’t see anything. They hear Danny screaming. More sounds send them back inside where they fret about Danny.

Horror Situation: Danny falls to his death, impaled on broken branch of a fallen log.

Reaction: Lands in front of Flint Maddox, Declan Caldwell and Dr. Julian grim. Flint sees the Feral Phantom.

Choices: Declan argues with Flint and Dr. Julian that they need to notify the police about the body. Flint convinces them not, too, but to satisfy Declan agrees to protect the body from wildlife and alert the authorities when finished. “This is a sign. This is what we came here to do. Call it in, might as well go home,” Flint tells them. Dr. Julian wants to keep going, and his excitement shows.

The friends argue about what to do and how they need to find Danny.

Horror Situations Stones thrown at cottage. Gunshot.

Reaction: Sam confronts the danger but it’s only Dr. Julian and team.

Horror Situation: The group weeps at the news of Danny. Flint matter of fact, not so gentle. Told of a Sasquatch. Nighttime. Foggy. The door bangs.

Reaction: Flint grabs his gun and checks from the doorway. He fires a shot, just because.

Horror Situation: A stone hits Flint. He sees the masked phantom. He moves toward it. Raises gun for another shot, when…SMASH. His body snaps as the giant ape destroys him.

Reaction: Mayhem. The friends make a run for it, despite protests from Declan.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! They think the Sasquatch is playing with them, like an orca with a seal.

Full pursuit by the killer: Dr. Julian tries helping teens escape but the teens see the Sasquatch again and separate, some into the cave, where the Sasquatch enters.

Horror Situation: Monster approaches.

Reaction: Same, Nate, and Maddy split from Megan and Katie in the mayhem. Sam, Nate, and Maddy enter a cave. “That could be that thing’s lair,” Nate protests.

Terrorized: In the cave the noises and sounds of the approaching Sasquatch with no escape. But something else hunts them. Something more terrifying. Actual villain revealed.

Horror Situation: The Sasquatch enters the cave.

Reaction: The friends retreat further in and try to hid in a dark recess. They hear it. “We’re dead. You don’t think that thing can’t smell us.” – Nate; “Doesn’t have to smell us, just listen to you freak out.” – Sam.

Horror Situation: Feral Phantom makes strange incantation-like sounds in front of Megan and Katie.

Reaction: They freeze. Declan to the rescue. Dr. Julian confronts the Feral Phantom.

Horror Situation: The Feral Phantom disappears behind a tree. Declan chases.

Reaction: Markings on a tree. Declan recognizes something, so does Katie.

Declan and Katie try to figure out the markings. Katie remembers them from a paper about the research of Dr. Eleanor Sable. “This is just a woman doing this?” – Dr. Julian. He takes Flint’s gun and exits. Declan knows and tells Katie what happens as Dr. Julian hunts the Feral Phantom.

Horror Situation: Maddy feels something. Turns on flashlight. Bones!

Reaction: Maddy screams the flashlight catches eye shine and the light goes out.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Declan, Katie and Megan calm Dr. Julian and devise a trap for the Sasquatch.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch lured to trap. It doesn’t work.

Reaction: Escape and confrontation.

Dr. Julian spots the Feral Phantom and chases it.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian shoots the Feral Phantom but misses. He fires a again.

Reaction: The Feral Phantom makes a ‘whooping’ call.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian attacks Feral Phantom. They fight. Sasquatch arrives.

Reaction: Feral Phantom goes berserker. Sasquatch carries off Feral Phantom.

Hysteria: Sam, Megan, and Nate play off each others paranoia, and for good reason as the Sasquatch brings them to the edge of death.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch returns to the friends.

Reaction: Feral Phantom reveals herself: Dr. Eleanor Sable.

The thrilling escape from death: False defeat of villain.

Horror Situation: Dr. Julian insane with rage grabs gun.

Reaction: Declan tries to stop him and gets shot. Dr. Julian fires at the girls but misses.

Dr. Eleanor Sable reveals some of how she got to be there and why she protects this Sasquatch.

Death returns to take one or more: The villain overthrown, but at a heavy cost.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch senses danger, stops Dr. Sable from leaving cave.

Reaction: Sam knows what he must do, but Nate beats him to it. Nate exits and Dr. Julian shoots him.

Horror Situation: Sasquatch on the move.

Reaction: Kills Dr. Julian.

Resolution: Sasquatch free, teens get free but a couple friends down, and disturbed by shaken reality. Declan has his evidence but chooses to keep it secret.

Dr. Sable and Sasquatch leave.

At Danny and Nate’s funeral, Sam joins his friends only to find out that after all he did to try to give them one last hurrah, he broke their friendship—he did. What he tries to save, he loses. They want nothing to do with him and blame him for the nightmares they’ll never forget.

</div></div>

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Horror Plot

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

A story start to take shape, not exactly sure what it’s going to look like, yet, at this point. This also allowed me to see some of the ideas and the areas that need to be worked on, thought through, and tightened. But, a great way to see and start to think about what this story could be. Of course, I need to be more clear and specific in my plot points.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Kid encounters terror in the woods. Connect with the characters: Teens interact while hiking. The characters are warned not to do it: Some strange sounds, eerie forebodings, and a solo hiker warning them to avoid an upcoming part of the forest. Intro of Dr. Julian Grimm, Declan Caldwell, and Flint Maddox. Denial of Horror: Sam assures that this will be a fun time, a time to remember.
Safety taken away: Enter the ‘haunted’ part of the forest, where the kid disappeared, only, they are not alone.
Monster: The nature of the beast: The teens get their first glimpse of the monster, and it is a Sasquatch.<div><div>

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Teens trapped in abandoned cottage. Sasquatch sounds about.
One of us killed: Danny faces the terror only to find he hasn’t the courage. While fleeing he falls to his death; Flint, the hunter, finds him. Dr. Julian and team meet up with teens.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! They think the Sasquatch is playing with them, like an orca with a seal.

Full pursuit by the killer: Dr. Julian tries helping teens escape but the teens see the Sasquatch again and separate, some into the cave, where the Sasquatch enters.
Terrorized: In the cave the noises and sounds of the approaching Sasquatch with no escape. But something else hunts them. Something more terrifying. Actual villain revealed.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Teens join with Dr. Julian’s team to face the villain only to find they can’t.
Hysteria: Katie and Nate paired and play off each others paranoia, and for good reason as the villain brings them to the edge of death.
The thrilling escape from death: False defeat of villain, capture of Sasquatch.
Death returns to take one or more: The villain overthrown, but at a heavy cost.
Resolution: Sasquatch released, teens get free but a couple friends down, and disturbed by shaken reality. Declan has his evidence but chooses to keep it secret.
</div></div>

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

There’s so many options to choose from and ways the story can go. The trouble lies in what decision to take but it’s fun and interesting to focus on just finding the kind of characters to “live” this story.

Feature-length script: Shade Among Trees: Social Event (friends hiking), Professional Team (scientist, Bigfoot researcher, hunter)

Dying Pattern: B. The characters experience the terror and survive together, but one or two die; or, C. No one dies, but the characters are brought to the very brink of death and/or insanity.

(Note: Though any could work for the story, “C” would require more psychological trauma whereas “B” can make it more real by having to deal with an actual death and how it could be any of them. Also, I can make the villain more rounded in not wanting to kill but willing to, if necessary. Just a thought).

Characters:

Social Group (Friends)

Leader: Sam Radcliffe – He feels the pull of friendship, the slipping away from the various directions many of them have gone, and wants to give them one last great experience that might not be the experience he’s hoping to have.

Skeptic: Megan Ford – She survives her freshman year and finds her stride and confidence in the direction of her learning. She will offer balance to the more fanciful imaginations of her friends.

Introvert/Fearful: Nate Sullivan – Likes to read and keep to himself, not a fan of crowds, can get on well in a social setting but prefers to do more singular activities most of the time.

Love interest: Maddy Jenkins – She likes adventure, to go places, to see things and enjoy the simple things of life. Hopefully, the others who like her, don’t clash when things get tense.

Conspiracy Theorist: Katie Bennet – Likes to consider a wide variety of viewpoints and prefers conspiracies and conspiracy-like ideas to what she considers ‘accepted’ facts. Can be real fun in uncertain situations. Nate really appreciates it.

Complainer/Obnoxious: Danny Patterson – He’s been with them since Kindergarten and not all bad, but tends to push them into situations that are less than ideal and say and do things that can make a regular encounter a bit awkward.

Team of Professionals

Scientist: Dr. Julian Grimm – Wants to capture, study and clone the creature to see what it’s biology and behaviour reveal; true intentions not exactly clear.

Bigfoot Researcher: Declan Caldwell – Hired by Dr. Julian to help him find the creature but struggles with his morals as a researcher to find, study, protect, and understand these creatures. Can’t quite resist the lure of the pay or prestige if they’re successful.

Hunter: Flint Maddox – In it for the money, and the bravado of bagging this elusive creature. He wants it as a trophy. Think Quint from “Jaws,” ‘cause they could be related.

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Terrifying Monster

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

While analyzing details of the monster, I had this breakthrough to have the researchers and the teens terrorized by something like a protector with haunting tales from the local folklore of the story world. I’m also not entire set, yet, on what I want this monster to be, or if this the kind of story I’m excited to write, but I’m sure all that will develop as the details become sharper throughout this course.

Monster = The Feral Phantom

Terror:

Through a mastery of silence, phantom-like appearance using a phosphorescent make-up, mimicry, hand and footprints, and psychological fear, like taking the natural beauty of the forest and making it threat to life, so, ultimately, dread; this being pursues them with stealth and creativity to play upon their fears; isolates with disorientation, a labyrinthine cave, and the fear of a real Sasquatch making them feel trapped; subjects them to mind games, amplifies their fears, mimics voices, lures them into perilous situations, gaslight’s them (What’s real?); lots of ways for things to go wrong when the reactions of those being toyed with can make a dangerous situation lethal; there’s no escape, this being is an expert of this area, nowhere to hide and it wears the victims down.

Mystery:

What is this phantom? What’s its relationship to the Sasquatch? (Duty?Love? Penance?)
Fear Provoking Appearance: grotesque/disturbing – Haunting blend of human and nature, skin has bark-like appearance, camouflaged in forest settings; mask – bioluminescent make-up blended with sap and resin and foliage, matted hair, eyes, almost remorseful (also, hides deeper feelings on what makes the being do what it does); weapon of choice – environment, presuppositional fears; gnarled, twisted tree root for a staff embedded with stones and bones; ironic visual – a necklace, a special amulet; embodiment of wrath of forest, any entering this protected domain risk death.

Rules:

Bound by intention, limited to territory of Sasquatch, what’s in the amulet and what it means can weaken the being, or just make it more wrathful.

Mythos:

Based on folklore traditions, the Feral Phantom is thought to be a protector of the forest and a hater of humans who threaten it. Lone wanderers or those who go astray may be visited or murdered by it.

[Michael Jones]

(A Nightmare on Elm Street) Horror Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned that it’s easier to analyze completed movies rather than one that’s only a concept. The other is the constant pressure on the characters to survive, maybe considering why they even want to, why it matters, or just an instinctual reaction to that pressure. What does being afraid tell them about themselves? Their worldviews? Will life be better knowing what they know?

Well, it seems I’m looking at this from some philosophical angles but not pushing it too much, just giving them more reasons to act the way the act or in ways they want to but don’t.

I also learned how simple yet layered horrors can be. About scaring an audience with no guarantee of ever escaping.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Freddy Krueger’s origin story revealed when his young victims, now teens, remember their connection to his predatory past. Remake of ‘80s slasher.

Terrorize the Characters:

Characters see the same disfigured man with a glove of razor claws haunting them while they sleep.

Isolation:

Each character tries to fight off sleep until they drop into micro naps that continues advanced stages of sleep deprivation causing them to be trapped in their nightmare, where Freddy can kill them. Krueger attacks one victim at a time while preparing the others.

Death:

Freddy uses a glove with sharp blades attached to each finger. He slices Dean’s throat in a café, Kris gets thrown about her room then sliced open, Jesse gets gutted in prison while on the hook for Kris’s murder, Nancy and Quentin meet the blades a few times themselves but manage to survive but with the trauma of all that has happened to them.

Monster/Villian:

Deceased child predator, Freddy Krueger, once a gardener at an elementary school. Parents of the victimized children went vigilante, trapped Krueger in a building and set it and him on fire. He has a fetish with cutting kids, and continues his deplorable aspirations in a “dream” world where he can’t be killed.

High Tension:

Fear of falling asleep and being terrorized by Freddy with high-stakes of actually dying in the real world if killed in the dream world.

Departure From Reality:

People have nightmares but don’t end up trapped in them and pursued by a real predator from a past trauma.

Moral Statement:

Pretty murky. The parents of the victimized children conducted their own justice by killing the child predator, Freddy, but he returns to continue his predation of the children that are now teens. The children are the true victims, reacting to events as they remember what happened to them and they take action to put an end to their nightmares by bringing Freddy back into their world so they can kill him. Trauma can, perhaps, be overcome, but in the end, Freddy appears to be indestructible and now able to appear in both worlds (as Nancy well knows when Freddy comes through a mirror and obliterates Nancy’s mother, Dr. Gwen, one of the parents that originally killed and disfigured him). So, maybe, trauma can never fully heal.

This remake tried bringing a little less fun and little more scare than the original with a slightly different origin story. I think it muddied the logic that in the original, Freddy Krueger is a character of incarnate evil shown over the course of the franchise, and here he’s just a predator, not punishing the teens because of what their parents did to him, but punishing them because of his own obsession with them as kids. That, and I’m reading way too much into it. Some scary moments but just okay with an ending somewhat dissatisfying.

My Concept:

Shade Among Trees

A group of young adults stumble into Bigfoot territory and a secret that can ruin the aspirations of an underground society.

Terrorize the Characters:

Characters stumble upon an abandoned cottage in the forest with evidence of bizarre rituals of a secret order, near a massive cave, and a lone Sasquatch. They are afraid to leave. Neither seasoned hikers nor experienced campers, they must survive the night.

Isolation:

In a forest with a creature not believed to exist. A cave where the creature “hunts” them, and a cottage no one wants to hang out in. The characters feel trapped and unprepared.

Death:

One character gets mauled by the Sasquatch, one dies while fleeing Sasquatch, another couple sacrificed by the secret order, another dies in own trap.

Monster/Villain:

Bigfoot is a red-herring (and just an animal fearing intrusion of territory) from the real monster/villain: the secret order seeks to trap the Sasquatch for it’s own terrorizing agenda.

High Tension:

Fear of dark, possibility of death, fear of the creature, terror that comes with an unfamiliar environment.

Departure From Reality:

Speculations about how a Sasquatch would really behave (since none have been studied, nor are they popularly believed to exist), a secret order that would kill rather than just scare off the characters. Or, being caught between the two monsters.

Moral Statement:

A threat to things others want secret can be deadly. Is it worth it?

[Michael Jones]

1. Mike Jones

2. Four draft scripts, in process of a tv pilot and a feature adventure script.

3. Write a horror script, and learn from everyone else.

4. I suppose I’m just ordinary—for now.

[Michael Jones]

1. Mike Jones

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Michael Jones.

[Michael Jones]

Great scene, Danielle. The techniques are already present. I forgot some of the traits but they all came back when I read your scene. It’s adventurous, quirky, full of one-sided revenge — I mean, Nick has some serious forgiveness issues — but if John left him behind, I don’t know what that says about John.

[Michael Jones]

I’ll reply in the next lesson.

[Michael Jones]

Hi Susan, you did a fantastic job exposing those traits, and kudos to changing them. It fits the scene. It reminds me of the purpose of this class: that there’s never just one way to write a scene. So much creativity, including the twist with the bear, Charlie (who has a Winnie-the-Pooh thing going for him), and the the cooking duos secret admiration and attraction that comes through after all the back and forth. Carley’s tough; Marcus definitely a ‘Stage Hog.”

Creative work, Susan. It has been wonderful to learn from you and Christi throughout this course.

[Michael Jones]

A vivid portrayal. I get the sense of their senior years and there time together, not caring exactly what they’re doing but knowing they’re doing it, together. It does leave some questions about loving each other for forty years and her husband being okay with it and hoping he would buy the house and finally get to be with his wife. Sweet their love lasted so long; sad it lasted while being with others. But, it’s only a scene and the rest of the story could explain why they always loved each other but never ended up with each other. In a less dramatic way, Indiana Jones did that with Marion in Crystal Skull, but he’d probably say that to whatever female was with him.

I see the arc of the scene how they end up realizing and expressing their love for each other with anticipatory dialogue. I know things were rushed but it’s still a good scene and it paints a lovely picture.

[Michael Jones]

Great work on your scene. You really make it flow, show the vernacular and make it real. Very picturesque in the structure of your writing.

[Michael Jones]

Wonderful draft. I like the contrast between the characters and the traits you gave them. Really worked. It’ll be exciting to see the alteration in the next lesson. I have to work Jan. 11. I have Sun., Tue., and Wed. nights off, usually. But, by all means, do what suits you best. We can always e-mail. I really appreciate the contribution you have both brought to the class. Thanks for participating with me.

[Michael Jones]

Thanks for the kind words. I think forming a writing group will be great if we can make it happen. Lots of challenges in some ways with the different pulls on our time but it’s worth exploring. I’m sorry about lesson 22. I learn from you and Christi as well, I just got halfway through on that one and had other things get in the way so I bypassed it. My apologies. You both did an excellent job in showcasing the points of that lesson and putting it altogether.

[Michael Jones]

When the characters interact and they have opposing views/desires/goals/wants, in modern stories that conflict can be shown in numerous ways. It’s the indirect meanings of what a character really wants to do or say that can shape the interactions between characters. It’s also just a tool to help make more engaging characters. I think you have a good handle on it.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Michael Jones.

[Michael Jones]

I think that with the traits we’re revealing through the action and dialogue, the subtext is the drive behind it all. The traits make up who the character is, the subtext reveals what the character with those traits is trying get. So, in our dialogue and actions, the manner of the character traits can be discerned, but the subtext is the goal driving the dialogue and actions. I would even say that an audience won’t pick up on every trait exactly specified by the writer, it simply helps the writer give more dramatic interest to the character.

Traits reveal character; subtext the motivation of how they speak and act in a way consistent with their traits to get something. Aaron Sorkin summarized it simply as, “intention and obstacle.” Someone wants something, something prevents them from it. Subtext is a way of them trying to make something go their way without specifically saying it.

[Michael Jones]

Subtext is an underlying meaning never directly stated. That said, the things mentioned in our subtext help guide the line of dialogue. So in the case with some of our writing prompts, Renee’s “devious and entitled to win at all costs” is an underlying meaning behind all her actions and dialogue. She feels this, wants this, but hides it from others. It wouldn’t come out, perhaps in every interaction, since other subtext for other traits/reasons could be involved. It’s a way of sharpening dialogue and making it more engaging for dramatic purposes. This helps prevent an overuse of “on-the-nose” dialogue.

[Michael Jones]

Thanks for the great suggestions and don’t worry about offending me. I value the honesty because it helps me make better decisions. Thanks, also, for the detailed response. It’s tricky to do since we all are busy with things outside of this course. I’m a bit behind, myself.

[Michael Jones]

Thanks for the detailed response. Great points and suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to do so. Sorry I’m not more detailed:)

[Michael Jones]

I’m on a Mac and had same issues this week also with other forums and courses. But, fantastic scene, such humour in the dynamics of scheme and charm.

[Michael Jones]

I hear you. I did the Horror, I’m in the BingeWorthy, and this, plus working, plus family, so all the best to you.

[Michael Jones]

In the opening action description, instead of her coming out of the bathroom a few minutes later, you can have her hear a thud on the door or something and have her shoot back out immediately as the door bursts open, or just have the door burst open and she rushes out of the bathroom to see.

“A few hours later, he stirs and Anne wakes,” can be cut and just put a the scene header “LATER” to indicate the pass of time. Trottier’s “Screenwriter’s Bible” or Riley’s “Hollywood Standard” are great resources for formatting, which really just helps tighten the flow of the scene.

“He stares at her a beat,” can excise ‘a beat’ or ‘he examines her, looks her over, etc.’

It’s a tight scene that can leave the audience wanting to know who the ‘man in the brown suit’ is, what Anne has to do with it, and to what significance this meeting between the two portends.

Great work.

[Michael Jones]

Nick was giving the names of the two students who find buyers for him. It’s probably inaccurate since it goes back a ways for me, too.

[Michael Jones]

No, Susan, I got lazy:)

[Michael Jones]

Hi Christi,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I like to begin with a simple caveat: I’m not an expert at using the Maximum Interest Techniques so if I don’t notice something it has nothing to do with your quality of writing, (which is great), and more to do with my ability to assess scripts, at this point.

Good use of Trent’s aggression in the “Frat House – Kitchen” scene by saying how he sees Robert’s gossiping escapades. Robert’s smoothness, secretive, and gregarious comfort shines in the “Chemistry Lab” scene between him and the Housemaster. Even his low self-esteem is hinted at in the line: “Sadly. Chemistry majors don’t really attract the opposite sex.” It seems like a joke but he feels the truth of it.

Trent’s meticulous and conniving traits illuminate through his ‘careful planning’ in the “Chemistry Entrance Grotto” scene. Also, the whole ‘setup’ Trent plans, using Robert’s help, knowing Robert will spread his exploits, having Robert recording him invade an ‘annual feminist meeting.’

Your ideas are clear and your voice shines through. You’re right to want to be you in the writing. Continue building your voice as you develop the quality of your writing. No doubt you’ll succeed with every iteration.