Michael O’Keefe
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Module 2 — Lesson 2: Intentional Lead Characters – Assignment
Mike – Intentional Lead Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… that successfully-written characters embody and bring to life the concept(s) of the script and the reasoning behind writing the script in the first place.
1. State: I am completely committed to creating unique and intentional lead characters
Activity: …having my lead characters deliver powerfully on my concept.
2. Give us a log line (one sentence answer) for your protagonist, antagonist, and triangle character (if you have one) to the question, “What makes this character fit my concept and title powerfully?”
3. Tell us what makes each of these characters unique. These two steps will look like this:
Caleb (protagonist) is a psychically gifted young man who saves the world from itself.
Logline: Against shape-shifting beings that feed and replicate off the dead and dying, a group of gifted individuals unite, strive to stop the Necromancers and realize mankind must embrace the world of magic if mankind is to survive. Caleb leads the resistance.
Unique: He is both mortal and immortal, human and the product of a painter bringing art to life.
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Karen (antagonist) body-snatched by the lead Necromancer, she leads them into war with earthlings.
Logline: Beautiful but possessed, Karen is evil personified and orchestrates the war with humans.
Unique: Body snatched, she is human in appearance only, until she sees her soul mate and love supersedes evil.
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Victoria (love interest) In love, Victoria discovers her heart’s desire leads a mysterious, double life.
Logline: love leads Victoria to a realm where emotions have evolved, creating a world within a world.
Unique: Voluptuous Tom-boy who has a soft spot for strays and anyone abused.
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Lori (triangle Character) Victoria’s bestie, she keeps Caleb from falling apart when Victoria is murdered.
Logline: The girl next door, Lori saves Caleb from himself and in so doing, saves all mankind.
Unique: A bright girl coming into her own, Lori’s loyalty is rewarded with a love she never believed possible.
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Module 2 — Lesson 1: Great Outlines Make Great Scripts – Assignment
Mike – Title, Concept and Character Structure
What I learned from this assignment is… the need for an outline, to be able to see the entire screenplay at a glance. Furthermore, it enables you to make changes, pinpoint weaknesses or areas that require additional work.
My Vision for Success: to remain intrigued by the magic that is writing and to become an acclaimed high-concept scriptwriter in both TV and movie formats.
Start this assignment by empowering yourself using our State-To-Activity empowerment process.
State: I am really good at outlining, believe in it!
Activity: …creating an outline that turns into an amazing story!
Tell us the Character Structure you’ve chosen.
Character structure is protagonist versus antagonist!
Between Lives: The protagonist, Caleb faces a number of antagonists all embodying various facets of Evil. The Main Antagonist, Karen, is the leader of the Necromancers.
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Module 3 Lesson 6 – Stacking Intrigue – Assignment
Mike – Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this is how to raise the stakes, hook the audience then build the intrigue to keep them fixated on the show.
I. Make a list of your turning points.
Act 1 Victoria makes Caleb face his fear; changes how he thinks, what he does when confronted.
Act 2 Caleb’s in a head-on collision, saved from death by Victoria’s ghost, Charles summoned her
Act 3 Caleb talks w/ FBI agent Olivia, mom comes in; warns Caleb, tells him to rescue Rick
Act 4 Caleb texts Rick, leaves hospital, ride to car crash w/ Riders; they leave when Olivia shows
Act 5 Lyderia shows Caleb Raquel isn’t dead; Charles saves Rick; Rick goes to Shangra La
Act 6 Olivia goes to Cody, searches for Caleb; sees Victoria’s ghost. Can’t find Caleb.
II. Before each Turning Point, brainstorm ways to create intrigue for the Turning Point. Give us the TECHNIQUE and one sentence that tells how you’ll create intrigue for the Turning Point.
Act 1 turning point – (wound, secret) Victoria follows Caleb to the café, questions him; learns he isn’t a druggie. Learns he was beaten up by 2 cops who walk in the café. Caleb reveals his fear, his wanting to run away; Victoria will have none of it. She takes his hand, makes him walk right past their table and gives them dirty looks on their way out.
Act 2 turning point – (intriguing world) Caleb is kidnapped by g-g-g-grandfather, they argue, we learn of their crazy world and crazy lives. They get in a head-on collision, Caleb is saved by Victoria’s ghost which Charles, walking at the side of the road, summoned from a photo.
Act 3 turning point – (secret) Caleb talks w/ Olivia, FBI agent assigned to him. He keeps his crazy to himself, tells her to leave when his mother, Natalie, enters the hospital room.
Act 4 turning point – (intrigue/intriguing world) Caleb goes back to car wreck w/ Riders. Olivia follows, he tells her. The Big reveal as he teleports off and leaves her looking into a portal of Yellowstone.
Act 5 turning point – (Intriguing world) Charles saves Rick, takes him to Shangra-La, indoctrination.
Act 6 turning point – ( Mystery, hidden layer ) Caleb finds Olivia in Cody looking for him. She’s asleep, he leaves her a bottle of perfume he told her was perfect for her. The end…
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Module 3 – Lesson 5 – Layers & Reveals – Assignment
Mike – Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this is the importance of keeping the elements separate, listing them out and analyzing where they belong in order to keep your audience riveted to the screen.
1. Make a list of the Layers and Reveals that could fit into each act of the pilot.
2. Look through your current outline and find opportunities for Layers and Reveals, either in the (a) plot, (b) situation, or (c) characters.
3. Add those Layers and Reveals to the current version of your Pilot Outline.
4. Tell us which Layers, Cover Ups, and Reveals you’ve added to the outline.
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As you get more experience with them, you’ll become very proficient at this process. Remember, discovering deeper layers gives your audience a new part of the journey to live as they watch episode after episode of your show! You’re going to have great layers…and surprising reveals that everyone talks about! Have fun creating these!
<div>Surface: Caleb and his
mom, Natalie, are new to Ft Collins, walking at a park.
</div><div>Layer
beneath:
Natalie is a world famous painter, Caleb is a great guitarist.Surface: Caleb is going
to school
Layer
beneath:
Caleb is the leader of Supernatural Riders guarding YellowstoneSurface: Victoria is
attracted to Caleb; physically and emotionallyLayer
beneath:
Victoria works at an animal shelter, has a deep need to help the injuredSurface: Natalie is
Caleb’s mom, world famous painter: eccentric, beautiful,
Layer
beneath:
Natalie has supernatural abilities like Caleb
Layer
beneath:
she can bring the dead back to life by painting them and vice-versa</div>
PLOT LAYERS
[1] Ongoing conspiracies = Andrew & Mashika’s end game, go back in time & wait out apocalypse
[2] A scheme to undermine = Andrew’s scheme to get Caleb or Rick’s life force to rejuvenate.
[3] Blackmail =
[4] Mystery revealed = Caleb is more than human & his girl from the photo is too.
[5] Hidden plan = Lyderia’s plan for Caleb; Annabelle Lee’s plan for the Old South
[6] Major shift in meaning = shift from simple kidnapping into something dark & supernatural.
CHARACTER LAYERS
[1] Secret identity = Caleb’s secret identity, Victoria calls him the Sylvan Park Robin Hood
[2] Hiding their past transgressions = Victoria and her boyfriend from Phx., his filming them
[3] Conspiring with others = Caleb & his Riders guarding the ‘Sanctuary.’
[4] Deception = Caleb is deceiving Victoria, hides his abilities at start.
[5] Secret history revealed = Caleb confides in Victoria re: Rachael, his abilities, his life
[6] Hidden relationships = Caleb’s relationship with Rachael’s sister, Lyderia
[7] Wound = Caleb dealing w/ death of Rachael, his first love
SITUATION LAYERS
[1] A good idea turns out to be bad = Caleb keeping his abilities secret from Victoria
[2] A resource dries up or is taken away = *Natalie paints over a spring, water makes Caleb high
[3] A trap = Victoria’s dad sets a trap for Caleb
[4] Betrayal =
[5] Been lied to = Victoria by Caleb re: why he goes to Shangra La (to find Rachael)
[6] A bad person turns good = *Andrew in his own way, wants to save his family – steal them
[7] A solution is uncovered =
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Cassie, welcome. I admire those of you who can teach our youth. I used to teach undergraduate and graduate classes in business and finance at the university before I got too busy with the demands of corporate life to ‘give back.’ Yep, I sold out —
Thirty pieces of gold, I actually had a tee-shirt made that said that. No regrets, well none I will own up to. I am still swimming in the shark tank as the saying goes for a Global firm.
I have written over a dozen scripts, two of which are with agencies as we speak. I have taken a number of courses with Hal and he is frankly amazing. The man is a real genius at breaking the magic that is a great script into segments that make sense.
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Hello and good evening. I am excited to be in the class. I have taken a number of classes from Hal and Cheryl and they have been incredibly enlightening.
My name is Michael, I have written a number of scripts and with each class and the results from the class the writing improves, the craft and it is a real craft requires training, discipline and a lot of hard work. I currently have two scripts with agencies under consideration. What I hope to learn from Hal and from the my classmates is honing my craft and improving it. I am a firm believer in making each page, each scene 1% better every time I rewrite and review the work.
Something strange about myself? I would have to say it’s the dual life I lead. I have been in business, still am. I have owned a securities firm, a consulting company, I have a Doctorate in Business Administration (DBA) and yet, I am a writer in my soul and find no greater satisfaction than creating scripts.
We look forward to working with you all!
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Good evening everyone, sorry I am a bit late. Work, that all-encompassing four letter word.
I agree to the terms of this agreement for the class.
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Module 3: Lesson 4: Character Story Lines – ASSIGNMENT
Mike – Character Story Lines
What I learned by doing this is the importance of structure and having a simple framework from which the rest fits into. Again, do not get lost in the forest for the trees. Staying at the conceptual level requires a lot of effort for me.
Teaser
Essence: (Caleb opening) at the park with his mother; he’s playing a guitar. He meets a girl, Victoria who invites them to sit and eat with her. They do.
(Victoria Opening) Victoria has food set out, a picnic blanket, pretends it was set up for friends who couldn’t make it. Caleb’s mother winks at her, they are in this together.
Turning Point: Caleb plays guitar for her. She is blown away. Tells him school starts in two weeks. He lets her know he is going to the same school.
Act 1:
Essence: (Caleb opening) Victoria runs into Caleb at school, they talk; her aura attracts him. He tells her about the car wreck; it’s why he doesn’t drive. They plan to eat lunch at café.
(Victoria Opening) Finds Caleb at his locker, flirts, talks, finds out why he’s skittish. Asks him to lunch. He accepts.
Turning Point: At café eating, two cops enter. Caleb tries to leave. Victoria stops him. He shows her bruises he got from them. She won’t let him hide. Walks with Caleb right by them.
Act 2
Essence: Caleb is kidnapped by a distant relative. They argue about life, their values, etc. They get in a head-on collision. Caleb is thrown free of the wreckage. The kidnappers vanish
(Caleb Opening) Caleb has been kidnapped by a G-g-g-g-Grandfather so he can have some of Caleb’s life force. Caleb argues with him about values, asking -vs- stealing, etc.
(Caleb Turning Point 1) Caleb hears Charles’ (old black man at the side of the road as the van passes by) playing the harmonica, he joins him. Same tune.
(Victoria Turning Point 1) Victoria is summoned from the photograph in Charles’ hand. She leaves the photo as a specter, enters the van, saves Caleb from the violent collision.
(Caleb Midpoint) Caleb is lying in the dirt by the wreckage.
Turning Point/Midpoint We don’t know how badly Caleb’s injured; don’t know if he will live. What we do know is Caleb is supposed to save two realms according to Charles.
Act 3:
Essence: Caleb comes out of coma needs to save his brother, Rick. He tries to leave, runs into FBI agent assigned to him. He reads her mind, knows her, not sure how he does. She leaves when Natalie shows.
(Caleb Turning Pt 1) Caleb tries to leave, runs into Olivia, FBI agent assigned to him. They talk about the accident and the criminal driving the van. How does Caleb know him?
(Caleb Dilemma) Tell Olivia what he knows, what he does. He decides not to as Natalie, his mom walks in.
(Caleb Midpoint) He decides to leave the hospital, tells Natalie he is going with the Riders.
(Natalie Turning Pt 1) She tells Caleb, “Go ahead, run off w/ them. While your out tilting at windmills, try saving your brother.”
Turning Point: Caleb tells his mom, “I’m leaving, Riders are coming.”
Act 4:
Essence: Natalie is with her paintings while Caleb texts Rick that he’s in danger. Rick blows him off. Caleb leaves hospital with his Riders. At the car wreck, Caleb re-enacts the CRASH, no sign of where Andrew & Mashika went. Riders leave as Olivia heads their way. Caleb banters with Olivia, shows he can read minds, then teleports off, leaves her in shock –n- awe.
(Caleb’s Major Conflict) Caleb wants to enlist Olivia’s help, he lets her in on his world, then teleports off.
Turning Point: Caleb teleports off, tells Olivia she is not ready.
Act 5:
Essence: The Riders are tracked to the Saloon, they leave and escape capture.
(Caleb’s Major Conflict) Lyderia kidnaps him, takes him to the family mausoleum, shows him that Rachael is not dead; that she will need him when she’s ready to return from stasis.
Turning Point: Caleb’s love life has been upended.
Act 6:
Essence: Caleb finds Olivia asleep in a motel, leaves her a note, gives her a 2<sup>nd</sup> chance.
(Caleb Ending) Caleb leaves Olivia a bottle of perfume and a note on her nightstand.
(Victoria Ending) She uses Olivia’s laptop to scan the motel room for Caleb, leaves.
(Charles Ending) Charles meets with Natalie, tells her Rick is on board.
Lock In/Turning Point: Caleb cannot un-show Olivia what he’s revealed. Charles lets Natalie know Rick is safe, he took him to Shangra La. The coalition is set.
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Lesson 10: Riveting Episode Titles – ASSIGNMENT
Mike – Episode Titles
What I learned is that episode titles are a marketing tool, like a pitch. They are designed to intrigue and ‘hook’ the reader into wanting to read more.
<div>
</div><div>Sequence the titles so you can see what story they tell. Replace any titles that create genre confusion.
</div>
Season One – When Worlds Collide and Realities Merge
Episode 01. Etchings of Fear
Episode 02. Epiphany – The Morning After
Episode 03. Love’s Dying Child
Episode 04. Watering Hole of the Dead
Episode 05. If Only She Knew
Episode 06. Handsome Boy Comes Calling
Episode 07. Into the Sweet By and By
Episode 08. Bolt From the Blue
Episode 09. Holding Hands with Death
Episode 10. Vanities of Man
Season Two – Picking up the Pieces
Episode 01. Hazards of Immortality Episode 02. A Swan Song Episode 03. Forever Young
Episode 04. The Face of War
Episode 05. Day of Days
Episode 06. Black Ink and White Lies Episode 07. Gathering of Fire Flies
Episode 08. Worm of Insinuation
Episode 09. Paint by Number Affections
Episode 10. Unlookedfor Revelation
Season Three – Better Together
Episode 01. Sleep has a Twin
Episode 02. Vanishing Options
Episode 03. Reset
Episode 04. Precautions, please
Episode 05. Visitors Welcome
Episode 06. Addiction, Addicts and Agendas
Episode 07. From Now On
Episode 08. Recovery is a Broken Road
Episode 09. The Price of Lies
Episode 10. The Forsaken and the Unseen
Season Four – Reality is given a Rewrite
Episode 01. Sink Holes
Episode 02.
Episode 03.
Episode 04.
Episode 05.
Episode 06.
Episode 07.
Episode 08.
Episode 09.
Episode 10.
Season Five With Paintbrush and Canvas
Episode 01.
Episode 02.
Episode 03.
Episode 04.
Episode 05.
Episode 06.
Episode 07.
Episode 08.
Episode 09.
Episode 10. Set it all free
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Module 2 Lesson 9</div><div>
Mike – Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned is each line, every word is a decision at this stage. The “tricks” (10 different ways to increase the ‘intrigue’ factor) to elevate the writing and presentation are invaluable. The hard part is utilizing them in a manner that does not lose the “flow” of the paragraph.
Show Title: Between Lives
Genre: 1 hour Supernatural Thriller
Concept: Caleb, a high school student, living two disparate lives, learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world. He must rise above personal grief, assemble a team, lead them into a shadow war to save both earth and Shangra La from enslavement.
Intriguing World: Shangra La exists in parallel with earth. A utopian place created from millions of human emotions: dreams, hopes and desires. Shangra La’s citizens are also comprised of discarded feelings that have evolved and taken on sentient form. An earthly paradise, accessible to only a few earthlings, until the threat of Armageddon forces the two worlds to unite.
Show Summary: BETWEEN LIVES – Caleb Sutherland, a new student at a privately-funded, high school is anything but a normal teenager. His mother is a world-famous painter: rich, eccentric, self-absorbed. His absentee father, a roughneck on oil rigs; the older brother thinks Caleb is certifiable. Despite their dysfunctional, self-centered leanings, Caleb clings onto the time when they were united in purpose and love — a family living under one roof caring and sharing their lives with one another.
Skittish, Caleb’s demeanor catches the attention of Victoria who is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb. Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted, she lives her convictions. Victoria’s after-school job at an animal shelter has taught her what neglected, injured, and mistreated looks like. Is Caleb being abused? Is he a drug user; how damaged is this handsome loner? Convinced something is amiss, Victoria strikes up a conversation. After a brief exchange between class periods, she dismisses drug use and parental abuse. Grief, not opioids is tearing him apart.
An unlikely hero, Caleb finds himself at the forefront of a building confrontation with a ruthless faction set on becoming the guardians of reality. His abilities, not experience, allow him to lead a group of supernaturals in protecting the ‘sanctuary’ and the pilgrims who are passing through, on their way to Shangra La. Lurking just out of sight, another, far-deadlier foe waits for its opportunity. At stake, the subjugation of mankind and extermination of Shangra La.
The Sutherland family exhibits preternatural abilities, they are aware a supernatural realm exists, and that the inhabitants are at odds, making for a multi-layered concept for them to act within.
Caleb’s group discovers it is difficult to remain anonymous when you’re the target of an intense federal manhunt, when the Assistant Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a man who has a penchant for making those who get in his way disappear, has you in his cross-hairs.
Act one begins “in the middle” of a kidnapping implying there is an element of mystery to the timeline and events leading up to Caleb’s abduction are as important as the ones that follow.
The Sutherlands’ move to Colorado sets in motion a chain of events beginning with Caleb meeting and falling for Victoria. Unfortunately, Victoria’s ex boyfriend murders her. Caleb becomes a ‘person of interest’ in Victoria’s disappearance. It is made worse by the fact a branch of Homeland Security “knows” of Caleb’s teleportation powers and begins hunting him.
On the run, from the authorities, from a broken heart, Caleb searches for Victoria in Shangra La. A realm where art, magic and music exist, where there is no machinery, no technology of any kind. Caleb’s learns the Necromancers are headed to earth and plan to enslave and turn mankind into livestock.
Caleb, his dysfunctional family, and warring supernatural factions must come together, find a way to defeat the shape-shifting nasties while staying one step ahead of the law and the military. Vastly outnumbered, Caleb’s family, factions from Shangra La, and others must set aside their differences, work together to eradicate the Necromancers or die.
How does a dysfunctional family of headstrong psychics unite to save themselves, mankind, and prevent Shangra La from being annihilated at the hands of the Necromancers?
===================================================================Character Descriptions (Lesson 2)
1. Caleb Sutherland (protagonist) a psychically-gifted, young man with visions of the future and other supernatural abilities, finds himself drawn to and starting up with Victoria – in a relationship he is hesitant to embrace. Victoria proves the catalyst needed to galvanize Caleb into facing a deadly foe and leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadow war with the Necromancers.
Discovering their weakness, Caleb’s group wins the initial skirmishes. However, the Necromancers, able to change shape at will, assimilate into society forcing the government to instill Marshall law and employ guerilla warfare tactics. Caleb’s unasked-for gifts come at a price. He sacrifices his happy ever after to save two worlds. Who can’t get behind a person like that?
2. Rick Sutherland (protagonist’s brother) Caleb’s older brother is hyper-competitive, successful, and thinks his family crazy. His refusal to acknowledge his supernatural abilities results in his wife and daughter’s murder.
Devastated, he realizes too late, Caleb was right: there are no sidelines, no sitting this one out. Ironically, Rick’s failure to protect his family leads to the revelation that he is ‘the Shepherd,’ destined to lead and protect the newly departed crossing into Purgatory from demonic wolves that prey upon the pilgrims journeying toward Shangra La.
3. Natalie Sutherland (Protagonist’s mother) An eccentric, world famous artist who lives for art and the creation of life itself. Mercurial. Unknowable. She has chosen to make a family, create children, while pursuing artists, their art and carnal affections. Seemingly oblivious, Natalie’s connection to the world begins and ends with her paintbrush. On her canvases, she is able to bring life into existence. By the same token, with a few telling dabs of paint, Natalie can end a person’s life, or resurrect someone who has been mortally wounded.
4. Charles Stewart (Caleb’s mentor) A trusted friend of the Sutherland family. Charles, eternally grateful to Natalie for bringing his fiancé back to life, and later bound to her through a brief but mind-altering affair is the family’s one constant.
Charles teaches Caleb how to harness his powers, helps Rick to accept and embrace his abilities. Charles’s ability to manipulate time, coupled with a desire to return to the 1850s to be with his fiancé, pull him in opposite directions.
Lonely and alone, Charles is nevertheless, committed to protecting and training the Sutherland boys. His loyalty and selflessness are endearing traits audiences will understand and appreciate.
5. Victoria Musgrave (Caleb’s love Interest) Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted. A young woman who lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her. Victoria is able to sense when people are hurting or in need. She is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb.
By falling for Caleb, Victoria’s relationship with her father is strained. His dislike for Caleb turns ugly. Worse, will her feelings for Caleb provoke her unstable, ex-boyfriend, to retaliate?
In a telepathic moment of bonding with Caleb, Victoria glimpses life through his senses, discovers all forms of life communicate and give off feelings. Changed, she will follow him anywhere. Victoria keeps Caleb grounded, prevents the burden of responsibility and weight of tragedy from crushing him.
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6. Annabelle Lee (Antagonist) A powerful witch on a mission to resurrect the ‘Old South.’ Her pretty, southern belle appearance and actions appear gracious, even noble; she does the ‘right’ thing, for the wrong reasons. Our belle of the ball has a dark secret, several in fact.
Annabelle rescues Olivia from Andrew; only to enslave her. Annabelle’s plantation becomes a refuge, a Noah’s Ark if you will. Through the use of black magic, vodou and cutting-edge science, her sanctuary saves mankind from enslavement and worse.
After the Necromancers fail in their world domination quest, Annabelle Lee’s Old South emerges the epicenter of class and culture. Ironically, Annabelle Lee, one of only two Necromancers to escape the tar pits of perdition, before their kind was exiled to the backside of the universe, becomes President of the New Republic.
7. Shuri (Shangra La’s guardian angel) A member of Shangra La’s Council of the Elders. Her love for what is right, turns to an obsession when her peers start voting to cut ties with earth. Betrayed by the Council of Elders and imprisoned, Shuri plays her trump card.
Shuri’s ascension to the Quorum, a god-like status, affords her the power and access to ensure Caleb has the tools and love (his Victoria) needed to finish the war. Making sure the “good guys” win, leads her to rewriting history which comes at a cost she had not taken into consideration.
Episode Descriptions (Lesson 4 & 5)
Ep.1 – Kidnapped but saved from a head-on collision by the ghost of his lover, Caleb winds up in ICU. Three weeks later, leaving the hospital by free falling off the building’s five story roof, Caleb reunites with the Riders, seven, wild-eyed cowboys. On horses, they ride off moving in and out of reality at incredible speeds.
Ep.2 – Caleb awakens to find a woman giving him mouth to mouth. Resuscitated, he is brought back from the brink of death. The man who kidnapped Caleb and teleported off moments before the fatal head-on collision, attempts to kidnap his older brother, Rick.
Ep.3 – Year earlier, Caleb’s love interest spies on him. Crushing hard, Victoria pushes past his reticence, takes his hesitancy as a cry for help and saves him from himself. Present day, Caleb and Charles, friend of the family save Rick from the woman who murdered his wife and daughter.
Ep.4 – Rick embraces his abilities, joins the wild-eyed cowboys patrolling Yellowstone, protecting crossovers from demonic wolves on their trek to Shangra La.
Ep.5 – Caleb trains the woman who gave him mouth-to-mouth, her sister too. They are new to Shangra La; he’s helping them evolve. Year earlier, Caleb reveals his supernatural powers to Victoria. Present day, Comet falling from the sky and crashing into a swamp turns out to be the lead Necromancer.
Ep.6 Caleb’s two pupils save Victoria from a Feeder, take her home, begin teaching her how to live and evolve in Shangra La.
Ep.7 Caleb, infected by a Necromancer, turns evil. Fearing closure of the portals between worlds, the Feeders crossover to earth, take over a small town in Wyoming: killing everyone and assuming their shapes.
Ep.8 Year earlier, Caleb & V. go skinny dipping; take their feelings to the next level. Later, at the Halloween dance, Caleb is rufied by the school’s bad girl and macked on. Present day, Series of shots revealing Necros falling from the sky like comets and vanishing into the ground, asphalt, whatever they come in contact with.
Ep.9 Feeders take over the Wyoming state capitol, assume the identities of the governor and ranking officials, then secede from the Union. Rick and the Riders protecting a group of crossovers, discovers Rick’s wife and daughter are with them. Victoria crosses over, goes to the Sutherland cabin, saves Caleb from the necro poison.
Ep.10 Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant while possessed by the necro poison.
Gov. raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one is there. Televised, the raid is a failure.
Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is now being hunted by three alphabet-soup government agencies and a professional assassin.
Five Seasons Descriptions (Lesson 3)
Season One Beginning: The discovery of Shangra La, a utopian paradise coexisting on earth, where emotion and art reign supreme, where technology and machinery cannot exist, keeps an off-the-books faction of Home Land Security busy as there are a few humans who are able to travel between realms.
Shangra La is an earthly paradise where a person’s senses are heightened and the meaning of time does not exist. Although highly appealing and a godsend for all creative souls, Shangra La has a dark side in the form emotional vampires who prey upon earthlings. Drained of all emotion and memory, humans are cast back to earth as vagrants: without hope or memory, destined to wander the streets collecting discarded objects — objects that retain the memories and emotions of those who owned them.
Season Five Ending: After treachery on both sides, Earth and Shangra La combine forces to fight an evil that threatens to annihilate both worlds. Several factions from both earth and Shangra La have gone rogue and set up kingdoms of their own.
Bloodshed on a global scale ensues. The Necromancers come perilously close to eradicating both worlds. Their demise leaves both realms decimated. Only the Old South emerges unscathed. Its leader, Annabelle Lee, a Southern belle with an accent and flowers in her hair, has a dark secret.
And as she steps into the role of the new republic’s President, it all unravels as Natalie uses her paintbrush, paints and canvas to reveal the unforgiveable.
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Module 2 – Lesson 8 Writing with Intrigue
TV Bible
Page 1: Show Title, genre, and format || Concept (Mod 1 pre-lesson, Mod 2 Lesson 1) || World (Mod 1 pre-lesson, Mod 2 Lesson 1) || Show Summary (Lesson 6)
Show Title: Between Lives
Genre: 1 hour Supernatural Thriller
Concept: Caleb, a high school student, living two disparate lives, learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world. He must assemble a team, lead them into a shadow war to save both earth and Shangra La from enslavement.
Intriguing World: Shangra La, a place of magic, built from human emotions and existing in parallel with earth. Accessible to only a few, until the threat of Armageddon forces the two worlds to unite.
Show Summary: BETWEEN LIVES – Caleb Sutherland, a new student at a privately-funded, high school is anything but a normal teenager. His mother is a world-famous painter: rich, eccentric, self-absorbed. His absentee father, a roughneck on oil rigs; the older brother thinks Caleb is certifiable.
Skittish, Caleb’s demeanor catches the attention of Victoria who is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb. Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted, she lives her convictions. Victoria’s after school job at an animal shelter has taught her what neglected, injured, and mistreated looks like. Is Caleb being abused? Is he a drug user; how damaged is this handsome loner? Convinced something is amiss, Victoria strikes up a conversation. After a brief exchange between class periods, she dismisses drug use and parental abuse. Grief, not opioids is tearing him apart.
The Sutherland family exhibits preternatural abilities, they are aware a supernatural realm exists, and that the inhabitants are at odds, making for a multi-layered concept for them to act within.
Act one begins “in the middle” of a kidnapping implying there is an element of mystery to the timeline and events leading up to Caleb’s abduction are as important as the ones that follow.
The Sutherlands’ move to Colorado sets in motion a chain of events beginning with Caleb meeting and falling for Victoria. Unfortunately, Victoria’s ex boyfriend murders her. Caleb becomes a ‘person of interest’ in Victoria’s disappearance. It is made worse by the fact a branch of Homeland Security “knows” of Caleb’s teleportation powers and begins hunting him.
On the run, from the authorities, from a broken heart, Caleb searches for Victoria in Shangra La. A realm where art, magic and music exist, where there is no machinery, no technology of any kind. Caleb’s learns the Necromancers are headed to earth and plan to enslave and turn mankind into livestock.
Caleb, his dysfunctional family, and warring supernatural factions must come together, find a way to defeat the shape-shifting nasties while staying one step ahead of the law and the military. Vastly outnumbered, Caleb’s family, factions from Shangra La, and others must set aside their differences, work together to eradicate the Necromancers or die.
How does a dysfunctional family of headstrong psychics unite to save themselves, mankind, and prevent Shangra La from being annihilated at the hands of the Necromancers?
==================================================================== Character Descriptions (Lesson 2)
Caleb Sutherland (protagonist) a psychically-gifted, young man recovering from the tragic death of his girlfriend, finds himself facing a deadly foe in a shadow war, and starting up with Victoria, school’s prettiest girl – a relationship he is hesitant to embrace. Victoria proves the catalyst needed to galvanize Caleb into leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into war with the Necromancers.
Discovering their weakness, Caleb’s group wins the initial skirmishes. However, Necromancers able to shape change at will, assimilate into society forcing the government to instill Marshall law and employ guerilla warfare tactics. Caleb’s unasked-for gifts come at a price. He sacrifices his happy ever after to save two worlds. Who can’t get behind a person like that?
Rick Sutherland (protagonist’s brother) Caleb’s older brother is hyper-competitive, successful, and thinks his family crazy. His refusal to acknowledge his supernatural abilities leads to his wife and daughter’s murder.
Devastated, he realizes too late, Caleb was right: there are no sidelines, no sitting this one out. Ironically, Rick’s failure to protect his family leads to the revelation that he is ‘the Shepherd,’ destined to lead and protect the newly departed crossing into Purgatory from demonic wolves that prey upon the pilgrims journeying toward Shangra La.
Natalie Sutherland (Protagonist’s mother) An eccentric, world famous artist who lives for art and the creation of life itself. Mercurial. Unknowable. She has chosen to make a family, create children, while pursuing artists, their art and carnal affections. Seemingly oblivious, Natalie’s connection to the world begins and ends with her paintbrush.
On her canvases, she is able to bring life into existence. By the same token, with a few telling dabs of paint, Natalie can end a person’s life, or resurrect someone who has been mortally wounded.
Charles Stewart (Caleb’s mentor) A trusted friend of the Sutherland family. Charles, eternally grateful to Natalie for bringing his fiancé back to life, and later bound to her through a brief but mind-altering affair is the family’s one constant.
Charles teaches Caleb how to harness his powers, helps Rick to accept and embrace his abilities. Charles’s ability to manipulate time, coupled with a desire to return to the 1850s to be with his fiancé, pull him in opposite directions.
Lonely and alone, Charles is nevertheless, committed to protecting and training the Sutherland boys. His loyalty and selflessness are endearing traits audiences will understand and appreciate.
Victoria Musgrave (Caleb’s love Interest) Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted. A young woman who lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her. Victoria is able to sense when people are hurting or in need. She is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb.
Victoria keeps Caleb grounded, prevents the burden of responsibility and weight of tragedy from crushing him. By befriending Caleb, will her compassion ruin her relationship with her father who dislikes Caleb? Worse, will her feelings for Caleb provoke her unstable, ex-boyfriend, to retaliate? Ironically, her compassion gets her killed.
Annabelle Lee (Antagonist) A powerful witch on a mission to resurrect the ‘Old South.’ Her pretty, southern belle appearance and actions appear gracious, even noble; she does the ‘right’ thing, for the wrong reasons. Our belle of the ball has a dark secret, several in fact.
Annabelle rescues Olivia from Andrew; only to enslave her. Annabelle’s plantation becomes a refuge, a Noah’s Ark if you will. Through the use of black magic, vodou and cutting-edge science, her sanctuary saves mankind from enslavement and worse.
After the Necromancers fail in their world domination quest, Annabelle Lee’s Old South emerges the epicenter of class and culture. Ironically, Annabelle Lee, one of only two Necromancers to escape the tar pits of perdition, before their kind was exiled to the backside of the universe, becomes President of the New Republic.
Shuri (Shangra La’s guardian angel) A member of Shangra La’s Council of the Elders. Her love for what is right, turns to an obsession when her peers start voting to cut ties with earth. Betrayed by the Council of Elders and imprisoned, Shuri plays her trump card.
Shuri’s ascension to the Quorum, a god-like status, affords her the power and access to ensure Caleb has the tools and love (his Victoria) needed to finish the war. Making sure the “good guys” win, leads her to rewriting history which comes at a cost she had not taken into consideration.
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Episode Descriptions (Lesson 4 and 5) one sentence per episode
Ep.1 – Kidnapped but saved from a head-on collision by the ghost of his lover, Caleb winds up in ICU. Three weeks later, leaving the hospital by free falling off the building’s five story roof, Caleb reunites with the Riders, seven, wild-eyed cowboys. On horses, they ride off moving in and out of reality at incredible speeds.
Ep.2 – Caleb awakens to find a woman giving him mouth to mouth. Resuscitated, he is brought back from the brink of death. The man who kidnapped Caleb and teleported off moments before the fatal head-on collision, attempts to kidnap his older brother, Rick.
Ep.3 – Year earlier, Caleb’s love interest spies on him. Crushing hard, Victoria pushes past his reticence, takes his hesitancy as a cry for help and saves him from himself. Present day, Caleb and Charles, friend of the family save Rick from the woman who murdered his wife and daughter.
Ep.4 – Rick embraces his abilities, joins the wild-eyed cowboys patrolling Yellowstone, protecting crossovers from demonic wolves on their trek to Shangra La.
Ep.5 – Caleb trains the woman who gave him mouth-to-mouth, her sister too. They are new to Shangra La; he’s helping them evolve. Year earlier, Caleb reveals his supernatural powers to Victoria. Present day, Comet falling from the sky and crashing into a swamp turns out to be the lead Necromancer.
Ep.6 Caleb’s two pupils save Victoria from a Feeder, take her home, begin teaching her how to live and evolve in Shangra La.
Ep.7 Caleb, infected by a Necromancer, turns evil. Fearing closure of the portals between worlds, the Feeders crossover to earth, take over a small town in Wyoming: killing everyone and assuming their shapes.
Ep.8 Year earlier, Caleb & V. go skinny dipping; take their feelings to the next level. Later, at the Halloween dance, Caleb is rufied by the school’s bad girl and macked on. Present day, Series of shots revealing Necros falling from the sky like comets and vanishing into the ground, asphalt, whatever they come in contact with.
Ep.9 Feeders take over the Wyoming state capitol, assume the identities of the governor and ranking officials, then secede from the Union. Rick and the Riders protecting a group of crossovers, discovers Rick’s wife and daughter are with them. Victoria crosses over, goes to the Sutherland cabin, saves Caleb from the necro poison.
Ep.10 Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant while possessed by the necro poison. Gov. raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one is there. Televised, the raid is a failure. Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is now being hunted by three alphabet-soup government agencies and a professional assassin.
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Five Seasons Descriptions (Lesson 3)
Season One Beginning: The discovery of Shangra La, a parallel earth, where emotion and art reign supreme, where technology and machinery cannot exist, keeps an off-the-books faction of Home Land Security busy as there are a few humans who are able to travel between realms.
Shangra La is a world where a person’s senses are heightened and the meaning of time does not exist. Although highly appealing and a godsend for all creative souls, Shangra La has a dark side in the form emotional vampires who prey upon earthlings. Drained of all emotion and memory, humans are cast back to earth as vagrants: without hope or memory, destined to wander the streets collecting discarded objects — objects that retain the memories and emotions of those who owned them.
Season Five Ending: After treachery on both sides, Earth and Shangra La combine forces to fight an evil that threatens to annihilate both worlds. Several factions from both earth and Shangra La have gone rogue and set up kingdoms of their own.
Bloodshed on a global scale ensues. The Necromancers come perilously close to eradicating both worlds. Their demise leaves both realms decimated. Only the Old South emerges unscathed. Its leader, Annabelle Lee, a Southern belle with an accent and flowers in her hair, has a dark secret. And as she steps into the role of the new republic’s President, it all unravels as Natalie uses her paintbrush and easel to reveal the unforgiveable.
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ASSIGNMENT 1:
Mike – TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned is the fact there is ALWAYS more. Your characters have secrets, have agendas. Their dreams, hopes and aspirations lead them in directions that you are not aware of until the reveal forces the change.
Current Draft – TV Pitch Bible
Page 1: Show Title, genre, and format || Concept (Mod 1 pre-lesson, Mod 2 Lesson 1) || World (Mod 1 pre-lesson, Mod 2 Lesson 1) || Show Summary (Lesson 6)
Show Title: Between Lives
Genre: 1 hour Supernatural Thriller
Concept: Caleb, a high school student, living two disparate lives, learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world. He must assemble a team, lead them into a shadow war to save both earth and Shangra La from enslavement.
Intriguing World: Shangra La, a place of magic, built from spent human emotions and existing in parallel with earth. Accessible to only a few, until the threat of Armageddon forces the two worlds to unite.
Show Summery: High-school senior, Caleb Sutherland, is anything but a normal teenager. His mother is a world-famous painter: rich, eccentric, self-absorbed. His absentee father, a roughneck on oil rigs; the older brother thinks Caleb is certifiable. (Empathy/Distress). The family exhibits preternatural abilities, are aware a supernatural realm exists, (Twist/Hook/Secret Identity) and that its inhabitants are at odds, making for a multi-layered concept for them to act within. (Intriguing World)
Act one begins “in the middle” of a kidnapping implying there is an element of mystery to the timeline and the events leading up to Caleb’s abduction are as important as the ones that follow. (Intrigue)
The Sutherlands’ move to Colorado sets in motion a chain of events beginning with Caleb meeting Victoria, whose compassion for strays and love of life wins him over. (Relationship Hook)
Unfortunately, Victoria’s ex boyfriend murders her. (Shocking Event/ Undeserved Misfortune) Caleb becomes a ‘person of interest’ in Victoria’s disappearance. It is made worse by the fact a branch of Homeland Security “knows” of Caleb’s teleportation powers and begin hunting him. (Undeserved Misfortune)
On the run, from the authorities, from a broken heart, Caleb searches for Victoria in Shangra La. (Coping Mechanism). A place where art, magic and music exist, where there is no machinery, no technology of any kind (Intriguing World). Caleb learns the Necromancers have arrived on earth and plan to enslave and turn mankind into livestock. (Open Loops)
Caleb, his dysfunctional family, and warring supernatural factions must come together, find a way to defeat the shape-shifting nasties while staying one step ahead of the law and the military. (Forced decision they’d never make). Vastly outnumbered, Caleb’s family, factions from Shangra La, and others must set aside their differences, work together to eradicate the Necromancers or die. (Impossible Goal)
How does a dysfunctional family of headstrong psychics unite to save themselves, mankind, and prevent Shangra La from being annihilated at the hands of the Necromancers? (Final Hook/Extreme Dramatic Question) ====================================================================Page 2 – 4 Character Descriptions (Lesson 2)
Caleb Sutherland (protagonist) a psychically-gifted, young man recovering from the tragic death of his girlfriend, finds himself facing a deadly foe in a shadow war, and starting up with Victoria, school’s prettiest girl – a relationship he is hesitant to embrace. Victoria proves the catalyst needed to galvanize him into leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into war with Necromancers. Discovering their weakness, Caleb’s forces win the initial skirmishes. However, Necromancers (shape change at will) assimilate into society forcing the government to instill Marshall law and employ guerilla warfare tactics. His unasked-for gifts come at a price. Caleb sacrifices his happy ever after to save two worlds. Who can’t get behind a person like that.
Rick Sutherland (protagonist’s brother) Caleb’s older brother is hyper-competitive, successful, and thinks his family crazy. His refusal to acknowledge his supernatural abilities leads to his wife and daughter’s murder. Devastated, he realizes too late, Caleb was right: there are no sidelines, no sitting this one out. Ironically, Rick’s failure to protect his family leads to the revelation that he is ‘the Shepherd,’ destined to lead and protect the newly departed crossing into Purgatory from demonic wolves that prey on the pilgrims journeying toward Shangra La.
Natalie Sutherland (Protagonist’s mother) An eccentric, world famous artist who lives for art and the creation of life itself. Mercurial. Unknowable. She has chosen to make a family, create children, while pursuing artists, their art and carnal affections. Seemingly oblivious, Natalie’s connection to the world with its what-ifs begins and ends with her paintbrush.
Charles Stewart — Caleb’s mentor and a trusted friend of the Sutherland family. He helps Caleb harness his powers, helps Rick too. His ability to manipulate time, coupled with a desire to return to the 1850s to be with his fiancé pull him in opposite directions. Lonely and alone, Charles is nevertheless, committed to protecting and training the Sutherland boys. His loyalty and selflessness are endearing traits any audience will get behind.
Victoria Musgrave (Love Interest) Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted. A young woman who lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her. Able to sense when people are hurting or in need, she is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb. Victoria keeps Caleb grounded, prevents the burden of responsibility and weight of tragedy from crushing him. By befriending Caleb, will her compassion ruin her relationship with her father who dislikes Caleb? Worse, will her feelings for Caleb provoke her unstable, ex-boyfriend, to retaliate? Ironically, her compassion gets her killed.
Annabelle Lee (Antagonist) A powerful witch on a mission to resurrect the ‘Old South.’ Her actions appear noble; she does the ‘right’ thing for the wrong reasons. Annabelle Lee rescues Olivia from Andrew; only to enslave her. Annabelle Lee’s refuge, an amalgamation of black magic, voodoo and science, saves mankind. After the Necros fail, Annabelle Lee becomes President of the New Republic.
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Page 5 – 7 Episode Descriptions (Lesson 4 and 5) one sentence per episode
Ep.1 – Kidnapped but saved from a head-on collision by the ghost of his lover, Caleb winds up in ICU. Leaving the hospital by free falling off the building’s five story roof, Caleb is reunited with a group of wild-eyed cowboys on horses who ride off moving in and out of reality.
Ep.2 – Caleb awakens to find a woman giving him mouth to mouth. Resuscitated, he is brought back from the brink of death. The man who kidnapped Caleb and teleported off moments before the fatal head-on collision, attempts to kidnap his older brother, Rick.
Ep.3 – Year earlier, Caleb’s love interest spies on him. Crushing hard, Victoria pushes past his reticence, takes his hesitancy as a cry for help and saves him from himself. Present day, Caleb and Charles, friend of the family save Rick from the woman who murdered his wife and daughter.
Ep.4 – Rick embraces his abilities, joins the wild-eyed cowboys patrolling Yellowstone, protecting crossovers from demonic wolves on their trek to Shangra La.
Ep.5 – Caleb trains the woman who gave him mouth-to-mouth, her sister too. They are new to Shangra La; he’s helping them evolve. Year earlier, Caleb reveals his supernatural powers to Victoria. Present day, Comet falling from the sky and crashing into a swamp turns out to be the lead Necromancer.
Ep.6 Caleb’s two pupils save Victoria from a Feeder, take her home, begin teaching her how to live and evolve in Shangra La.
Ep.7 Caleb, infected by a Necromancer, turns evil. Fearing closure of the portals between worlds, the Feeders crossover to earth, take over a small town in Wyoming: killing everyone and assuming their shapes.
Ep.8 Year earlier, Caleb & V. go skinny dipping; take their feelings to the next level. Later, at the Halloween dance, Caleb is rufied by the school’s bad girl and macked on. Present day, Series of shots revealing Necros falling from the sky like comets.
Ep.9 Feeders take over the Wyoming state capitol, assume the identities of the governor and ranking officials. Rick, with the Riders protecting a group of crossovers, discovers his wife and daughter in with them. Victoria crosses over, goes to cabin, saves Caleb from Necro poison.
Ep.10 Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant while possessed by the necro poison.
Gov. raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one’s there. Televised live, raid is a failure.
Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, leaves assassin a note, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is being hunted by a professional assassin.
Page 8 Five Seasons Descriptions (Lesson 3)
Season One Beginning: The discovery of Shangra La, a parallel earth, where emotion and art reign supreme, where technology and machinery cannot exist, there are a few humans who are able to travel between realms and explore a world where their senses are heightened and the meaning of time does not exist. Shangra La has a dark side in the form emotional vampires who prey upon earthlings. Drained of all emotion and memory, humans are cast back to earth as vagrants without hope or memory.
Season Five Ending: After treachery on both sides, Earth and Shangra La combine forces to fight an evil which threatens to annihilate both worlds. Several factions from both earth and Shangra La have gone rogue and set up kingdoms of their own. Bloodshed on a global scale ensues. The Necromancers come perilously close to eradicating both worlds. Their demise leaves both realms decimated. Only the Old South emerges unscathed. Its leader, a Southern belle with an accent and flowers in her hair, has a secret. And as she steps into the role of the new republic’s President, it all unravels as Natalie uses her paintbrush and easel to reveal the unforgiveable.
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Module 2 – Lesson 6: Opening Summary That Sells the Season – Assignment
Mike – Show Summary
What I learned is the adage less is more. You must hook the producer, keep his interest piqued, and leave him wanting to find out what happens. It is definitely all about marketing! This is your resume and interview all rolled into one.
I. Choose the Summary Format you like best. A. Pilot as Inciting Incident B. Highlights of Entire Season C. Engage Us in the Main Mystery
II. Create an outline using this structure or something similar:
Set up — Character’s normal situation
Twist/Hook
Real situation – Major Empathy / Distress
Twist/Hook
Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery.
Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic QuestionIII. Turn it into a rough draft.
IV. Return to your Binge Worthy Framework, add any of the key Binge Worthy components that will elevate the intrigue while working for the flow of the summary.
Engaging and Intriguing Character
Intriguing World
Empathy/Distress
Mystery
Layers
Open Loops
Conflict
Relationship Hooks
Irony====================================================================
BETWEEN LIVES
One Hour Supernatural Thriller
(Set Up) High-school senior, Caleb Sutherland, is anything but a normal teenager. His mother is a world-famous painter: rich, eccentric, self-absorbed. His absentee father, a roughneck on oil rigs; his older brother thinks Caleb is certifiable. (Empathy/Distress). The family exhibits preternatural abilities and are aware a supernatural realm exists and the (Twist/Hook/Secret Identity) inhabitants are at odds, making for a multi-layered concept for them to act within. (Intriguing World)
Act one begins “in the middle” of something implying there is an element of mystery to the timeline and the events leading up to Caleb’s abduction are as important as the ones that follow. (Intrigue)
The Sutherlands’ move to Colorado sets in motion a chain of events beginning with Caleb meeting Victoria, whose compassion for strays and love of life wins him over. (Relationship Hook)
Unfortunately, Victoria’s ex boyfriend murders her. (Shocking Event/ Undeserved Misfortune) Caleb becomes a ‘person of interest’ in Victoria’s disappearance. It is made worse by the fact a branch of Homeland Security “know” about Caleb’s teleportation powers and begin hunting him. (Undeserved Misfortune)
On the run, from the authorities, from a broken heart, Caleb obsessively searches Purgatory for Victoria (Coping Mechanism). He learns the Necromancers have arrived on earth and plan to enslave and turn mankind into livestock. (Open Loops) Caleb, his dysfunctional family, and warring supernatural factions must come together, find a way to defeat the shape-shifting nasties while staying one step ahead of the law and the military. (Forced decision they’d never make).
Vastly outnumbered, Caleb’s family, factions from Purgatory, and others must work together to eradicate the Necromancers or die. (Impossible Goal)
How does a dysfunctional family of headstrong psychics unite to save themselves, mankind, and prevent Purgatory, a supernatural realm, from being annihilated at the hands of the Necromancers? (Final Hook/Extreme Dramatic Question)
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Module Two – Lesson 5 – Assignment
Mike – Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of seeing the ‘big picture’ 60 episodes, 5 seasons. The tools in module enable us to stay focused on the selling points, the ‘binge worthy’ aspects of the series by zeroing in on each episode.
I. Check the sequence of episodes you did in Lesson 4, see if it flows well for you. ———————————————————————————————
II. For each episode, go through the event bullet points and organize them in this fashion.
[1] Hook/Intrigue:
[2] Main Character journey:
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction:
[5] Cliffhanger:
——————————————————————————————— III. Write a rough draft of each of the episode descriptions for your first season.
Season One – Episodes, Acts & Salient Points
Episode 01. The Etchings of Fear
Act 1 – Kidnapped, Caleb argues w/ Andrew & Mashika, | Charles saves Caleb uses Victoria
Act 2 – Caleb awakens, meets Olivia, they talk, Natalie comes in, Olivia leaves the hospital
Act 3 – Caleb leaves w/ Riders | Rick’s w/ Carolyn, | V’s trapped w/ Victor by Annabelle
Act 4 – Riders & Caleb return to crash | Olivia arrives, she talks then Caleb teleports off
Act 5 – Rick & wife fight; she leaves w/ kid | Carolyn wrecks Jeep and kills wife & kid.
Act 6 – Caleb’s in Yellowstone | Olivia sees Victoria’s ghost in Cody | Caleb visits Olivia
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Who is Caleb, how does he do what he does; he is in over his head.
[2] Main Character journey: reluctant to fight, hesitant to move on, he must face his fears.
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict: Abducted by a relative, Caleb is saved by a near fatal crash.
[4] Action/Reaction: Caleb is kidnapped, nearly killed; recovering, he goes after them
[5] Cliffhanger: Caleb is being hunted by Annabelle who is using the ghost of his ex-love
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Episode 02. Epiphany – The Morning After
Teaser – Caleb sleeps w/ Tatania & Chyenne, has nightmare, they save him from dying
Act 1 – Funeral for Rick’s wife & kid | mom & Caleb bond | Olivia & mom meet at home
Act 2 – Olivia w/ Caleb at lake | Rick meets Andrew (in disguise) at a bar. He tricks Rick
Act 3 – Olivia & Caleb make love; she’s killed; Riders rescue Caleb | Mom revives Olivia
Act 4 – Charles & Rick cross over, meet Bill | Shaw arrests Olivia | Caleb rescues Olivia
Act 5 – Caleb relives Olivia’s death, wakes up, she’s w/ him in bed, talk re: Victoria’s death.
Act 6 – Rick talks to white buffalo | Caleb shares feelings w/ Olivia, she’s taken by Mashika.
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Caleb’s double life and strangely likeable but totally dysfunctional family
[2] Main Character journey: Caleb helps his brother, rescues FBI agent, grows as a person
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict: His brother needs him, his duty as a Rider to Crossovers
[4] Action/Reaction: Olivia is arrested, Caleb frees her
[5] Cliffhanger: Caleb’s new love interest is kidnapped; he must find her.
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Ep. 03. Love’s dying Child
Teaser – Victoria spies on Caleb giving out food | tells Lori he’s ‘Sylvan Park Robin Hood’
Act 1 – Rick changes the season | Carolyn saves Rick | FBI raid Natalie’s home, take her art
Act 2 – Olivia whipped by Mashika, |Annabelle rescues her, blows up barn | FBI investigate Act 3 – Caleb & Charles rescue Rick | Natalie’s orgy, Victoria spies on it | Olivia is vodooed
Act 4 – Rick joins Riders | Lori runs into Caleb, he leaves his drawings | Olivia meets coven
Act 5 – Rick dreams of pilgrims | Natalie recalls painting w/ Victoria | FBI has Natalie’s art.
Act 6 – Caleb & Victoria in meadow | Natalie & Victoria talk, re: Caleb, she’s his 1<sup>st</sup> mortal
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Caleb, rich psychic, has a humanitarian side,
[2] Main Character journey: Caleb rescues his brother, then rescues his mom’s art.
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction: FBI raid & take Natalie’s art; she and Caleb steal it back from them.
[5] Cliffhanger: A shot rings out in the meadow, Caleb collapses in the tall grass.
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Episode 04. Watering Hole of the Dead
Teaser – In Caleb’s dream Carolyn shows up, shows Victoria’s death | Lori feels it; they talk
Act 1 – Caleb & mom get her art back | Charles learns Annabelle is a Necro | Charles tries to rescue Olivia, is caught & made a slave on Annabelle farm
Act 2 – Shaw & Bruce meet | Caleb sees Victoria in mirror, punches it, Rick saves him | Jenkins & Rudy tag a crossover | Charles in a field behind a plow horse as a slave
Act 3 – Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout | Caleb fixes Rudy | Rick & Caleb find Victor’s lab.
Act 4 – Richards drugs Caleb | Shaw is mad, art is gone | Caleb w/ Victoria sees his dad die
Act 5 – Annabelle Lee cannot open portal | Victoria saved from a Feeder by Tatania
Act 6 – Caleb teleports drugged to his school | Rudy & Jenkins in DC | Caleb is rescued in parking lot by Cindy, girl who found him in the library semi-conscious.
[1] Hook/Intrigue:
[2] Main Character journey:
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction:
[5] Cliffhanger:
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Episode 05. If Only She Knew
Teaser – Caleb as a boy w/ his dad and Rick: fishing and panning for gold, they plan a hike.
Act 1 – Rick & Jenkins in no-where Nevada, comic-relief scene | Tatania & Cheyene take V. to cave & teach her love | Charles tries to free Olivia, can’t | Caleb w/ Tatania & Cheyenne
Act 2 – Caleb trains Tatania & Cheyenne, they go to an art show; find Victoria! | Caleb relives 1<sup>st</sup> trip with Victoria. to the cabin! Back to present day, the four of them bond!
Act 3 – Caleb w/ V. teleport off as police arrive| At cabin,Victoria learns it is Caleb’s B-day
Act 4 – Caleb w/ Victoria, he tells her about his abilities; they make love in the cabin.
Act 5 – Riders in Wyo, Homeland S. flies in; Riders leave in Mustangs, cars turn into horses
Act 6 – Caleb & V. at a home| Necromancer crashes into swamp, takes on a man’s shape | Caleb shows Victoria his nightmare, it freaks them out.
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Caleb’s training the 2 sisters in Shangra La; they run into Victoria now a family
[2] Main Character journey: Caleb flashes back to his showing Victoria his powers on his b.day
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict: Caleb is now wanted by the law; Victoria’s dad got his way
[4] Action/Reaction: being forced apart by the law; Caleb & Victoria find a way to see each other
[5] Cliffhanger: Caleb’s nightmare is a vision, a foreshadowing of what is to come.
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Episode 06. Handsome boy comes Calling
Teaser – Necro takes human form, seduces and kills a hooker in New Orleans, then flies off.
Act 1 – Caleb & V. on beach, talk; teleport to her tree house | Necro takes on person’s form | Natalie visits Luke’s grave, tells him he has to come back | Caleb at GTs w/ Victoria
Act 2 – Caleb & Victoria 1<sup>st</sup> meeting w/ Natalie | Caleb w/Victoria in GT’s, she kisses him.
Act 3 – Kristin lays 12 necro eggs, they hatch, grow rapidly| Rick & Malakai chased by cops, river kills them | Necromancers now teens |
Act 4 – V. & Lori go to GT’s, Caleb’s gone | Caleb & Charles root out Necros, the Riders & butterflies dispatch all but one Necro who flees. | Caleb meets V’s dad, he hates him Caleb.
Act 5 – Caleb & Charles track Necro | Caleb recalls fight w/ gunslingers & how he got shot.
Act 6 – Tarek helps Caleb w/ bullet wound | Caleb teleports to Victoria’s, leaves her a note.
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Is Caleb going to step up & be a leader or just do it when needed
[2] Main Character journey: Caleb wants to be w/ Victoria; the evil he wants to ignore
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict: Caleb, Charles & the Riders battling 12 Necros
[4] Action/Reaction: everything in Caleb’s past doing w/ Victoria keeps surfacing.
[5] Cliffhanger: Will Caleb be OK, will his wound heal, will he live?
========================================================
Episode 07. Into the sweet by and by
Teaser – Caleb visits his dad’s grave, Leondra shows up, takes him to meet Mandy, her sister
Act 1 – Caleb teleports into V’s room, leaves a note | Necro in graveyard crosses over| Caleb kills the Necro; he is stung in the leg & infected by the Necro
Act 2 – Caleb & Bill talk w/ Council of Elders | Annabelle lee goes to ranch as a Necro, kills cattle looking for Caleb | Corinna & Feeders leave Shangra La for good, settle in Wyoming
Act 3 – Feeders kill everyone in town, save one man | Compound in Montana, Leondra w/ Mandy & Caleb | Corinna w/ Gwen teaches her how to feed w/out hurting their victim
Act 4 – Riders fight Necros & win| Rudy w/ Jenkins crop dusting graveyards| Rudy recalls quitting Daphne and Homeland Security & giving her the finger.
Act 5 – Jenkins w/ Rudy. Rudy recalls Gwen; he’s smitten.| Charles & Natalie w/ energy collectors showing it to investors.
Act 6 – Caleb at a window, recalls a woman in Walgreens he saved from suicide.
[1] Hook/Intrigue: Caleb kills the Necro, is poisoned in the process, turns evil,
[2] Main Character journey: Caleb can no longer ignore evil as it is now inside his body
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict: Caleb must excise the evil or be consumed by it. V. saves him.
[4] Action/Reaction: Caleb survives the evil, is now on-board with fighting the Necros.
[5] Cliffhanger: Caleb’s powers drain him, can kill him if he’s not careful.
============================================================
Episode 08. Bolt from the Blue
Teaser – Caleb & V take shower, make love, Caleb leaves when her dad knocks on the door.
Act 1 – Caleb reliving his past, comes out of it; he’s at the window | Rudy returns to Linda’s room, hurt; Necro got the plane. |Corinna in guise as Wyatt’s mayor meets w/ other Necros in guise; Jesse is spying on them| Daphne learns the truth from Frank Ross about “crossovers”
Act 2 – Violet w/ Johnny Lee; both killed by a Necro | Caleb riding with Victoria, recalls 1<sup>st</sup> time he got in her car to sign forms, they talked about loss & Rachael’s death.
Act 3 – Caleb & V. go skinny dipping, hide from her dad, Caleb heals her ankle | Rudy at bar on the hunt, recalls Linda’s death, | runs into Gwen in disguise, leaves w/ her
Act 4 – Rudy has sex, Gwen reveals herself, drugs him. | Caleb at school dance; rufied by Tiffany then groped and fondled.
Act 5 – Caleb is rescued by Lori. In her car, they share a psychic fantasy, sexual in nature.
Act 6 – Rudy wakes up in slaughterhouse, meets Jesse. | Series of shots showing Necros here on earth.
[1] Hook/Intrigue:
[2] Main Character journey:
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction:
[5] Cliffhanger:
========================================================
Episode 09. Holding Hands with Death
Teaser – Caleb visits Sherry, he’s infected! He almost rapes her, leaves before he does.
Act 1 – Corinna, as Stewart, kills the Governor, takes his form. | Rick w/ crossovers & Riders fend off Wolves, escape through a crack in rock | Victoria & Lori go to school talking re: Caleb and being drugged | Rick closes the crevasse, kills the wolves, meets his daughter & wife | Jesse & Rudy at his cabin, Jesse shows Rudy video he took of killing a Necro.
Act 2 – Caleb at the falls, recalls Victoria. He’s infected w/ Necro poison. | Council of Elders meet | Warehouse full of communing Necros | Caleb gets a tattoo,
Act 3 – Feeders at state capital, Rudy & Jesse 1000 yards off ready to shoot. Gwen senses Rudy & escapes. | Caleb at the cave, bath water burns him; poisoned, he teleports off | At Atlantis, Charles meets w/ Buttner & Selene re: dispersion panels & risk of the citizens becoming addicts to the spray.
Act 4 – V. goes to cabin, saves Caleb from Necro poison | Rudy tracks the van, kills a Necro; Gwen comes out, Rudy escapes | Jesse in church, visited by Apostle Paul who advises him to stay close to Rudy| Lori & V. drive around bonding
Act 5 – Girl’s night out: V & Lori, get jumped in café parking lot after dinner by 2 thugs.
Act 6 – Caleb senses trouble, teleport to cafe, stops time. Wrecks the thugs, Lori & Victoria do not see a thing. Caleb puts them in V’s car, then restarts time…V smells his cologne
[1] Hook/Intrigue:
[2] Main Character journey:
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction:
[5] Cliffhanger:
========================================================
Episode 10. Vanities of Man
Teaser – Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant; they’re Necro, twins. He leaves her
Act 1 – Victoria goes to Caleb’s, makes love | Annabelle sends Olivia to sex Caleb | Caleb discovers the pocket watch’s magic | Olivia questions Sherry, then goes & seduces Richard.
Act 2 – Caleb dreams of Olivia seducing & killing him. He teleports off | Daphne raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one’s there | Annabelle at her home, visits Riwyee, they agree on Alexis being the key | Alexis at her dad’s coffee shop, agents watching the place.
Act 3 – Jenkins w/ wife freaking out over botched mission. | Charles, 7 yr old boy, we see Riwyee curse him | Jenkins in hot-tub w/ wife who is a Feeder| Earlier, we see Gwen taking Tammy over in bath tub, killing her and assuming her form.
Act 4 – Feeder kills Jenkins | Bruce in Miami tries to sell the portal idea to drug-dealer | Alexis gets msg Jenkins is dead, breaks the news to the group. Rudy reminisces openly
Act 5 – Caleb teleports naked into café break room, steals clothes | starts working | Bruce & Rudy talk re: technology of Alexis. Rudy will steal it, it’ll cost Bruce $2million | Back at café, Caleb plays guitar for them: heals hurts, erases pain, heals memories.
Act 6 –Caleb recalls playing at a City park, giving away too much. V finds him fried in his bedroom | Back to café, Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, leaves assassin a note, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is being hunted by a professional assassin.
[1] Hook/Intrigue:
[2] Main Character journey:
[3] Major Challenge/Conflict:
[4] Action/Reaction:
[5] Cliffhanger:
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Forgot to attach the first part of the assignment. I do apologize. I love reading over the postings. Great stories every one of them!!!!
THE CHEAT SHEET
I. Beginning………………………………………………………………Season End/Cliffhanger
Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season?
Beginning – Caleb is kidnapped, nearly killed, winds up in ICU in coma
End of the Season – Caleb’s abilities are known, he’s being hunted, an assassin is after him.
Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the season, thus demanding that we watch the next season?
1. Will Caleb be captured by the government agencies, or executed by assassin?
2. Have his face appear in a sniper’s scope, we HEAR the gunshot… and it cuts out.
3. Show Caleb sprinting down a forest trail, dogs barking behind him, he runs off a cliff.
II. Season 1 Mystery Set up…………………………………………..……….Season 1 Mystery Solved
Question A: What is the mystery?
How does Caleb do what he does? Is he human, does he even know what he is?
Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?
Hint at his origins, flashes of something similar to a birth, but different. Leave out his early years: no baby pictures or toddler photos. All the photos are of him as a teenager.
Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
Can Caleb be killed? If so, is he like his father and will come back to life?
III. Journey begins……………………………………………….…Journey peaks, but continues.
Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season?
Journey begins with Caleb having to step up and lead his ‘Riders’ and others into battle.
Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. Might give you an idea
He becomes the leader of the supernatural contingency as the war escalates and has to ‘teach’ the US military how to fight the Necromancers and what to use and why.
IV. Layer….…Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer……Layer
Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?
Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of?
Yes, Caleb’s secret relationship with Lyderia after (her sister) Rachael dies, turns dark. She is an elemental, has her own secret agenda for earth and its inhabitants. Caleb has no idea he is an elemental – a product of his mother’s art, a masterpiece and represents creativity. Lyderia has no use for humans, Necromancers, Splinter beings or Feeders.
V. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.
Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else?
Caleb and Victoria’s love affair and marriage (protagonist and love interest)
Rodney and Gwen’s love (Homeland Security agent and Feeder)
Natalie and her family (she created Caleb & hubby from magic paint) she is Mother Nature
Danyak (antagonist) & Kristin, his sister, who is transformed into the lead Necromancer
Annabelle Lee – her drive to recreate the Old South and have it remain in present day.
Question B: What are the most important story lines of this show?
1. Caleb and Victoria’s love story
2. Natalie and her ability to create life, destroy life, paint reality as she sees fit.
3. Kristin’s transformation, her reign of terror, her redemption at end of the season
4.
Annabelle’s success, the shield surrounding the Old South as it grows, saves
mankind -
Module 2 – Lesson 4: Episode List Rough Draft – Assignment
Mike – Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned is by using the process and creating building blocks, the episodes become much easier to outline. Again, for me, it is about staying at a big picture level and not delving into the scenes as ideas come.
OUTLINING PROCESS
As you go thru the process, allow yourself to fill in the things that come to you, and don’t stress about the rest. Once you have some answers filled in, many of the others will just show up.
I. Use the above questions to mine the BW Framework for episode ideas. List your answers.
(2) From that list, brainstorm possible ideas for episodes (without fleshing them out).
(3) Sequence the episode ideas. You know where the season begins and where it ends, so those will be your Episode 1 and Episode 10. Then look to see what episodes might emerge in between 1 and 10.
Episode 1 Etchings of Fear
Act 1 – Kidnapped, Caleb argues w/ Andrew & Mashika, | Charles saves Caleb uses Victoria
Act 2 – Caleb awakens, meets Olivia, they talk, Natalie comes in, Olivia leaves the hospital
Act 3 – Caleb leaves w/ Riders | Rick’s w/ Carolyn, | V’s trapped w/ Victor by Annabelle
Act 4 – Riders & Caleb return to crash | Olivia arrives, she talks then Caleb teleports off
Act 5 – Rick & wife fight; she leaves w/ kid | Carolyn wrecks Jeep and kills wife & kid.
Act 6 – Caleb’s in Yellowstone | Olivia sees Victoria’s ghost in Cody | Caleb visits Olivia
Episode 2 Epiphany – The Morning After
Teaser – Caleb sleeps w/ Tatania & Chyenne, has nightmare, they save him from dying
Act 1 – Funeral for Rick’s wife & kid | mom & Caleb bond | Olivia & mom meet at home
Act 2 – Olivia w/ Caleb at lake | Rick meets Andrew (in disguise) at a bar. He tricks Rick
Act 3 – Olivia & Caleb make love; she’s killed; Riders rescue Caleb | Mom revives Olivia Act 4 – Charles & Rick cross over, meet Bill | Shaw arrests Olivia | Caleb rescues Olivia
Act 5 – Caleb relives Olivia’s death, wakes up, she’s w/ him in bed, talk re: Victoria’s death.
Act 6 – Rick talks to white buffalo | Caleb shares feelings w/ Olivia, she’s taken by Mashika
Episode 3 Love’s Dying Child
Teaser – Victoria spies on Caleb giving out food | tells Lori he’s ‘Sylvan Park Robin Hood’
Act 1 – Rick changes the season | Carolyn saves Rick | FBI raid Natalie’s home, take her art
Act 2 – Olivia whipped by Mashika, Annabelle rescues her, blows up barn | FBI investigate Act 3 – Caleb & Charles rescue Rick | Natalie’s orgy, Victoria spies on it | Olivia is vodooed
Act 4 – Rick joins Riders | Lori runs into Caleb, he leaves his drawings | Olivia meets coven
Act 5 – Rick dreams of pilgrims | Natalie recalls painting with Victoria | FBI has Natali’s art.
Act 6 – Caleb & Victoria in meadow | Natalie & Victoria talk, re: Caleb, she’s his 1<sup>st</sup> mortal
Episode 4 Watering Hole of the Dead
Teaser – In Caleb’s dream Carolyn shows up, shows Victoria’s death | Lori feels it; they talk
Act 1 – Caleb & mom get her art back | Charles learns Annabelle is a Necro | Charles tries to rescue Olivia, is caught & made a slave on Annabelle farm
Act 2 – Shaw & Bruce meet | Caleb sees Victoria in mirror, punches it, Rick saves him | Jenkins & Rudy tag a crossover | Charles in a field behind a plow horse as a slave
Act 3 – Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout | Caleb fixes Rudy | Rick & Caleb find Victor’s lab.
Act 4 – Richards drugs Caleb | Shaw is mad, art is gone | Caleb w/ Victoria sees his dad die
Act 5 – Annabelle Lee cannot open portal | Victoria saved from a Feeder by Tatania
Act 6 – Caleb teleports drugged to his school | Rudy & Jenkins in DC | Caleb is rescued in parking lot by Cindy, girl who found him in the library semi-conscious.
Episode 5 If Only She Knew
Teaser – Caleb as a boy w/ his dad and Rick: fishing and panning for gold, they plan a hike.
Act 1 – Rick & Jenkins in no-where Nevada, comic-relief scene | Tatania & Cheyene take V. to cave & teach her love | Charles tries to free Olivia, can’t | Caleb w/ Tatania & Cheyenne
Act 2 – Caleb trains Tatania & Cheyenne, they go to an art show; find Victoria! | Caleb relives 1<sup>st</sup> trip with Victoria. to the cabin! Back to present day, the four of them bond!
Act 3 – Caleb w/ V. teleport off as police arrive| At cabin,Victoria learns it is Caleb’s B-day
Act 4 – Caleb w/ Victoria, he tells her about his abilities; they make love in the cabin.
Act 5 – Riders in Wyo, Homeland S. flies in; Riders leave in Mustangs, cars turn into horses
Act 6 – Caleb & V. at a home| Necromancer crashes into swamp, takes on a man’s shape | Caleb shows Victoria his nightmare, it freaks them out.
Episode 6 Handsome Boy Comes Calling
Teaser – Necro takes human form, seduces and kills a hooker in New Orleans, then flies off.
Act 1 – Caleb & V. on beach, talk; teleport to her tree house | Necro takes on person’s form | Natalie visits Luke’s grave, tells him he has to come back | Caleb at GTs w/ Victoria
Act 2 – Caleb & Victoria 1<sup>st</sup> meeting w/ Natalie | Caleb w/Victoria in GT’s, she kisses him.
Act 3 – Kristin lays 12 necro eggs, they hatch, grow rapidly| Rick & Malakai chased by cops, river kills them | Necromancers now teens |
Act 4 – V. & Lori go to GT’s, Caleb’s gone | Caleb & Charles root out Necros, the Riders & butterflies dispatch all but one Necro who flees. | Caleb meets V’s dad, he hates him Caleb.
Act 5 – Caleb & Charles track Necro | Caleb recalls fight w/ gunslingers & how he got shot.
Act 6 – Tarek helps Caleb w/ bullet wound | Caleb teleports to Victoria’s, leaves her a note.
Episode 7 Into the Sweet By and By
Teaser – Caleb visits his dad’s grav, Leondra shows up, takes him to meet Mandy, her sister
Act 1 – Caleb teleports into V’s room, leaves a note | Necro in graveyard crosses over| Caleb chases & kills the Necro; he is stung in the leg & infected by the Necro
Act 2 – Caleb & Bill talk w/ Council of Elders | Annabelle lee goes to ranch as a Necro, kills cattle looking for Caleb | Corinna & Feeders leave Shangra La for good, settle in Wyoming
Act 3 – Feeders kill everyone in town, save one man | Compound in Montana, Leondra w/ Mandy & Caleb | Corinna w/ Gwen teaches her how to feed w/out hurting their victim
Act 4 – Riders fight Necros & win| Rudy w/ Jenkins crop dusting graveyards| Rudy recalls quitting Daphne and Homeland Security & giving her the finger.
Act 5 – Jenkins w/ Rudy. Rudy recalls Gwen; he’s smitten.| Charles & Natalie w/ energy collectors showing it to investors.
Act 6 – Caleb at a window, recalls a woman in Walgreens he saved from suicide.
Episode 8 Bolt From the Blue
Teaser – Caleb & V take shower, make love, Caleb leaves when her dad knocks on door.
Act 1 – Caleb relives his past, comes out of it; he’s at the window | Rudy returns to Linda’s room, hurt; Necro got the plane. | Corinna in guise as Wyatt’s mayor meets w/ other Necros in guise; Jesse is spying| Daphne learns the truth from Frank Ross about “crossovers”
Act 2 – Violet w/ Johnny Lee; both killed by Necro | Caleb riding with Victoria, recalls 1<sup>st</sup> time he got in her car to sign forms, then talk about loss & Rachel ‘s death.
Act 3 – Caleb & V. go skinny dipping, hide from dad, Caleb heals her ankle | Rudy at bar on the hunt, recalls Linda’s death, | runs into Gwen in disguise, leaves w/ her
Act 4 – Rudy has sex, Gwen reveals herself, drugs him. | Caleb at school dance; rufied by Tiffany then groped and fondled.
Act 5 – Caleb is rescued by Lori. In her car, they share a psychic fantasy, sexual in nature.
Act 6 – Rudy wakes up in slaughterhouse, meets Jesse. | Series of shots showing Necros here on earth.
Episode 9 Holding Hands with Death
Teaser – Caleb visits Sherry, he’s infected! He almost rapes her, leaves before he does.
Act 1 – Corinna, as Stewart, kills the Governor, takes his form. | Rick w/ crossovers & Riders fend off Wolves, escape through a crack in rock | Victoria & Lori go to school talking re: Caleb and being drugged | Rick closes the crevasse, kills the wolves, meets his daughter & wife | Jesse & Rudy at his cabin, Jesse shows Rudy video he took of killing a Necro.
Act 2 – Caleb at the falls, recalls Victoria. He’s infected w/ Necro poison. | Council of Elders meet | Warehouse full of communing Necros | Caleb gets a tattoo,
Act 3 – Feeders at state capital, Rudy & Jesse 1000 yards off ready to shoot. Gwen senses Rudy & escapes. | Caleb at the cave, bath water burns him; poisoned, he teleports off | At Atlantis, Charles meets w/ Buttner & Selene re: dispersion panels & risk of the citizens becoming addicts to the spray.
Act 4 – V. goes to cabin, saves Caleb from Necro poison | Rudy tracks the van, kills a Necro; Gwen comes out, Rudy escapes | Jesse in church, visited by Apostle Paul who advises him to stay close to Rudy| Lori & V. drive around bonding
Act 5 – Girl’s night out: V & Lori, get jumped in café parking lot after dinner by 2 thugs.
Act 6 – Caleb senses trouble, teleport to cafe, stops time. Wrecks the thugs, Lori & Victoria do not see a thing. Caleb puts them in V’s car, then restarts time…V smells his cologne
Episode 10 Vanities of Man
Teaser – Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant; they’re Necro, twins. He leaves her
Act 1 – Victoria goes to Caleb’s, makes love | Annabelle sends Olivia to sex Caleb | Caleb discovers the pocket watch’s magic | Olivia questions Sherry, then goes & seduces Richard.
Act 2 – Caleb dreams of Olivia seducing & killing him. He teleports off | Daphne raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one’s there | Annabelle at her home, visits Riwyee, they agree on Alexis being the key | Alexis at her dad’s coffee shop, agents watching the place.
Act 3 – Jenkins w/ wife freaking out over botched mission. | Charles, 7 yr old boy, we see Riwyee curse him | Jenkins in hot-tub w/ wife who is a Feeder| Earlier, we see Gwen taking Tammy over in bath tub, killing her and assuming her form.
Act 4 – Feeder kills Jenkins | Bruce in Miami tries to sell the portal idea to drug-dealer | Alexis gets msg Jenkins is dead, breaks the news to the group. Rudy reminisces openly
Act 5 – Caleb teleports naked into café break room, steals clothes | starts working | Bruce & Rudy talk re: technology of Alexis. Rudy will steal it, it’ll cost Bruce $2million | Back at café, Caleb plays guitar for them: heals hurts, erases pain, heals memories.
Act 6 –Caleb recalls
playing at a City park, giving away too much. V finds him fried in his bedroom |
Back to café, Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, leaves assassin a note,
takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is being hunted by a professional assassin==================================================================
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Module 2 – Lesson 3: Easy Way to Five Seasons – Assignment
Mike – Five Seasons
What I learned is…. The importance of knowing the big picture, seeing where your show will be in five seasons. This process makes it possible. I tend to get lost; can’t see the forest for the trees.
I. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.
Shangra La is the bigger mystery that could play out over five seasons? The origins of Shangra La, its inhabitants, its appeal, its dangers. Shangra La is the current reality, what layers could be beneath that could become future seasons? The dangerous factions within Shangra La: (1) Feeders, deciding to leave and go to earth to survive; (2) The Council of Elders, ruling class in Shangra La, have a hidden agenda which is to merge with earth and take over as the ruling class; (3) Splinter Beings, Danyak’s twisted creation. Beings that come from sink holes in Shangra La (places where the fabric of time and earth have merged) and are transported to earth by Danyak’s minions to collect human souls for Danyak.
*The huge transformation that happens over the five seasons = Earth, Shangra La and the Old South co-exist. The feuds, power struggles and back stabbing end as they have bound together and formed alliances in order to defeat the Necromancers, then the Splinter beings. ———————————————————————————–
II. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.
Possible Stair Steps: [#1] Bigger mystery [#2] Bigger conflict [#3] Bigger opponent [#4] Major layer exposed [#5] Exploring more dangerous ground [#6] Bigger arena for the fight
Season One = Caleb finds love, we are introduced to Shangra La, a parallel earth he visits. #1 & #2 & #5
Season Two = Necros arrive on earth, Feeders flee Shangra La, take over Wyo. #1 & #2 & #3
Season Three = Shangra La opens its borders (hidden agenda – make addicts of humans) #1 & #5 & #6
Season Four = Sink holes in Shangra La, places where the fabric of time & earth merge. Splinter beings come thru the portals: unstable, deadly. *They are Danyak’s creations!! #3 & #4 & #5
Season Five = The Old South (Annabelle & coven) new Capitol; she’s the President! #1 & #4
SEASON 1 START: Caleb is a student with psychic powers who finds himself leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadow war with supernatural foes.
SEASON 5 END: World weary, Caleb returns to his mother’s painting vault, climbs into the painting from which he was created and goes into stasis. =================================================================
III. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – There is a parallel earth made up of man’s spent emotions.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: from traumatized student to resistance leader committed to saving mankind.
C. Main Conflict: Caleb must stay ahead of 3 gov., agencies, intent on capturing him, given his abilities.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: What is Shangra La to Caleb, why does he keep visiting the place?
E. Cliffhanger: Caleb is now being hunted by an assassin. —————————————————————————
Season 2:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – The Feeders flee Shangra La, take over Wyoming
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – Caleb learns warfare, leads his group into battle
C. Main Conflict – Caleb is fighting both Feeders and Necromancers while avoiding gov. agencies
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Victoria’s ghost appearing in Lori’s life as well as Caleb’s
E. Cliffhanger –War with the Necromancers increases as they attack a military base. ———————————————————————-
Season 3:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – modern man reacquaints himself w/ magic
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – Shangra La is addicting men to ensure they will be protected later on.
C. Main Conflict – War w/ necros goes underground; focus is on Wyo & Montana leaving the union.
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Shangra La opens its borders, Old South is expanding, unstoppable force field
E. Cliffhanger – The US and Shangra La join forces in the confrontation with splinter beings and Feeders
—————————————————————————
Season 4:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – Other dark forces join together
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey –
C. Main Conflict – open warfare with the splinter beings
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Danyak, what’s his end game? Lyderia passes thru Annabelle Lee’s shield, meets w/ her, why?
E. Cliffhanger – Lyderia and Annabelle talk over tea, come to an agreement, hug, all smiles.
—————————————————————————–
Season 5:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – enemies join forces in the face of bigger enemies
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – full cycle of war: from skirmishes, to all out war, to retreating to Old South
C. Main Conflict – all out war; Necromancers and splinter beings on humans
D. Mystery/Open Loops – what agreement did Annabelle and Lyderia come to?
E. Cliffhanger – Annabelle Lee is sworn in as the new republic’s President and Lyderia, vice president.
———————————————————————————————————-—
IV. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
SEASON ONE
EPISODE 1 Etchings of Fear
ACT ONE
Kidnapped, Caleb argues w/ Andrew & Mashika, | Charles at roadside, saves Caleb uses Victoria
ACT TWO
Caleb awakens, meets Olivia, they talk, mom (Natalie) comes in, Olivia leaves hospital room.
ACT THREE
Caleb leaves hospital w/ Riders | Rick is w/ Carolyn, | V’s spirit trapped w/ Victor by Annabelle
ACT FOUR
Riders & Caleb return to crash; flashback to another crash | Olivia arrives, she talks, C. teleports
ACT FIVE
Rick & wife fight; she leaves w/ kid. | Carolyn appears in road, wrecks Jeep; kills wife & kid.
ACT SIX
Caleb in Yellowstone | Olivia sees Victoria’s ghost in Cody | Caleb visits Olivia while she sleeps.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02 Epiphany – The Morning After
TEASER
Caleb sleeping w/ Tatania & Chyenne, has nightmare, they save him from dying.
ACT ONE
Funeral for Rick’s wife & daughter | mom & Caleb bond | Olivia & mom meet at her home
ACT TWO
Olivia w/ Caleb at heart lake | Rick meets Andrew (in disguise) at a bar. He tricks Rick.
ACT THREE
Olivia & Caleb make love; she’s killed; Riders rescue Caleb | Mom revives Olivia | Charles rescues Rick from Andrew
ACT FOUR
Charles & Rick cross over, meet Bill | Shaw arrests Olivia | Caleb rescues Olivia; they leave
ACT FIVE
Caleb relives Olivia’s death, wakes up, she’s w/ him in bed, talk re: Victoria’s death.
ACT SIX
Rick goes to white buffalo | Caleb shares his feelings w/ Olivia, she’s kidnapped by Mashika
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03 Love’s Dying Child
TEASER
Victoria spies on Caleb giving out food | tells Lori he’s the Sylvan Park Robin Hood
ACT ONE
Norman sees Rick change the season | Carolyn saves Rick | FBI raid Natalie’s home, take art!
ACT TWO
Olivia is whipped by Mashika, Annabelle lee rescues her, blows up barn | FBI investigate it.
ACT THREE
Caleb & Charles rescue Rick from Carolyn | Natalie’s orgy, V. spies on Caleb | Olivia vodooed
ACT FOUR
Rick meets Riders & joins up | Lori runs into Caleb | Olivia meets coven
ACT FIVE
Rick dreams of pilgrims | Victor w/ Victor | Natalie recalls painting with V. | FBI has her art.
ACT SIX
Caleb & Victoria in meadow | Natalie & Victoria talking, re: Caleb and she’s his mortal
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04 Watering Hole Of The Dead
TEASER
Caleb dreams of driving, Carolyn shows up, shows him Victoria’s death | Lori feels it, they talk
ACT ONE
Caleb & mom get her art | Charles learns Annabelle Lee is Necro | Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout, Charles tries to rescue Olivia: caught & made a slave on Annabelle Lee’s plantation
ACT TWO
Shaw & Bruce meet | Caleb sees Victoria in mirror, punches it, Rick saves him | Jenkins & Rudy tag a crossover | Charles in a field behind a plow horse as a slave.
ACT THREE
Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout, Caleb shows up, fixes Rudy | Rick & Caleb find Victor’s lab.
ACT FOUR
Agent Richards gasses Caleb, he escapes | Shaw is mad, art is gone | Caleb w/ V. sees his dad die
ACT FIVE
Caleb teleports drugged to his old school | Rudy & Jenkins in DC; Rudy does good | Caleb is rescued in parking lot by Cindy, girl who found him in the library semi-conscious.
ACT SIX
Annabelle Lee cannot open portal | Victoria is saved from a Feeder by Tatania & Cheyenne
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05 If Only She Knew
TEASER
Caleb as a boy w/ his dad and Rick: fishing and panning for gold, they plan a hike.
ACT ONE
Rick & Jenkins in no-where Nevada, comic-relief scene | Tatania & Cheyene take V. to cave & teach her love | Charles tries to free Olivia, can’t | Bruce & Shaw plot | Charles returns home. | Caleb w/ Tatania & Cheyenne; he recalls his talk w/ V. re: her father & crooked cops.
ACT TWO
Caleb trains Tatania & Cheyenne, they all go to an art showing; find Victoria! | Caleb relives 1<sup>st</sup> trip with V. to the cabin! Back to present day, the four of them bond!
ACT THREE
Caleb w/ V. teleport off as police arrive; Rudy & Jenkins watch | V learns it is Caleb’s B-day
ACT FOUR
Caleb w/ Victoria, he comes clean, tells her about his abilities; they make love in the cabin.
ACT FIVE
Riders at Jackson Hole, Homeland S. flies in; Riders leave in Mustangs, cars turn into horses
ACT SIX
Caleb & V. at oceanscape home Dec 6<sup>th</sup>. | Necromancer crashes into swamp, takes manshape | Caleb shows Victoria his nightmare, it freaks them out. It’s her blood he tastes in the vision.
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Episode 6 Handsome Boy Comes Calling
TEASER
Lead Necro takes on a human form, seduces and kills a hooker in New Orleans, then flies off.
ACT ONE
Caleb & V. on beach, talk; teleport to her tree house | Jack comes out. C. leaves. | Necro takes on person’s form | Natalie visits Luke’s grave, tells him he has to come back | Caleb at GTs w/ Vict.
ACT TWO
Caleb & Victoria 1<sup>st</sup> meeting; at a park w/ Natalie | Caleb w/Victoria in GT’s, she kisses him.
ACT THREE
Kristin lays 12 eggs, they hatch, grow rapidly & eat the janitor. | Rick & Malakai riding, chased by cops, river kills them | Necromancers now teens | Caleb in library, meets Lori w/ V.
ACT FOUR
V. & Lori go to GT’s | Caleb’s not there. They leave | Caleb comes out w/ Braelin in tow. | Caleb & Charles root out the Necros | Outside the church, the Riders & butterflies dispatch all but one Necro which flees. | Caleb meets Jack, V’s dad, he hates Caleb. | V & Caleb go out to dinner.
ACT FIVE
Caleb & Charles track Necro | Caleb recalls fight w/ gunslingers, how he was shot
ACT SIX
Caleb is helped w/ bullet wound by Tarek; | Caleb teleports to Victoria’s home, leaves a note.
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Episode 07 Into the Sweet By & By
TEASER
Caleb visits his dad’s grave in England, Leondra shows up, takes him to meet Mandy
ACT ONE
Caleb teleports into V. bedroom, leaves a letter | Necro in graveyard crosses over, just before the drone missile levels graveyard. | Caleb & Charles escape. | Caleb recalls his meal w/ V. | Charles talks to Caleb about living in the past | Caleb chases & kills Necro, is stung in leg & infected.
ACT TWO
Caleb meets Bill, they talk w/ Council of Elders | Rudy & Jenkins at work | Annabelle goes to ranch as a Necro, kills cattle looking for Caleb | Corinna & feeders leave Shangra La for good
ACT THREE
Feeders wind up in Wyatt, Wyo., kill everyone, save one person who escapes. | Compound in Montana, Leondra w/ Mandy & Caleb | In Wyatt, bodies buried in mass grave | Corinna w/ Gwen teaches her how to feed w/out hurting the person; they can’t leave any more bodies.
ACT FOUR
Riders fight Necros & win.| Rudy w/ Jenkins crop dusting graveyards; Linda in water truck on ground | Rudy recalls quitting Daphne and Homeland Security & giving her the finger.
ACT FIVE
Jenkins w/ Rudy at a bar. Rudy recalls Gwen; he’s smitten.| Rudy wakes up from nightmare of a medusa, snuggles w/ Linda. | Charles & Natalie w/ energy collectors pitching it to investors.
ACT SIX
Caleb at store window, thinks back & recalls a woman in Walgreens he saved from suicide.
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Episode 08 Bolt from the Blue
TEASER
Caleb & V make hot cocoa, take shower, make love, Caleb leaves when dad knocks on door.
ACT ONE
Caleb hiding from V & Lori at the fountain | Caleb drops lamp on bullies picking on Sherry. He comes out of it; he’s at that store window from a moment ago. Charles is w/ him: Tells him only Caleb’s grandfather had the ability to “Bring your memories into reality. Having your past take shape in the here and now” KEY POWER USE IN SEASON TWO | Rudy returns to Linda’s room, hurt; Necro ruined the plane. | Corinna in guise as Wyatt’s mayor meets w/ other Necros in guise; Jesse is spying on them |Rudy passes out from wound | Daphne learns the truth from Frank Ross about the “crossovers” She is blown away!
ACT TWO
Violet w/ Johnny Lee; both killed by a Necro | Caleb & V. going skinny dipping, recalls 1<sup>st</sup> time he got in her car to sign the photo-op forms, then talking about loss & Rachel ‘s death.
ACT THREE
Jack GPS on V. | Caleb & V. skinny dipping, hiding from dad in forest, Caleb heals her ankle | Rudy at bar on the hunt, recalls Linda’s death, | runs into Gwen in disguise, leaves w/ her
ACT FOUR
Rudy has sex, Gwen reveals herself, drugs him. | Caleb at the school dance; rufied by Tiffany then groped and fondled.
ACT FIVE
Caleb is rescued by Lori. In her car, they share a psychic fantasy, very sexual in nature.
ACT SIX
Rudy wakes up in a slaughterhouse, meets Jesse. | Series of shots showing Necros on earth.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09 Holding Hands with Death
TEASER
Caleb visits Sherry, he’s infected! He almost rapes her, leaves before he does the deed.
ACT ONE
Corinna, as Stewart, kills Matthew, the Governor, then takes his form. | Rick w/ crossovers & Riders fend off Wolves, escape through a crack in rock | Victoria & Lori go to school talking re: Caleb and being drugged | Rick closes the crevasse, kills the wolves, meets his daughter & wife | Jesse and Rudy at his cabin. Jesse shows Rudy the VCR he took of killing a Necromancer.
ACT TWO
Caleb at the falls recalls Victoria. He is infected w/ Necro poison. | Council of Elders meet | Warehouse full of communing Necros | Caleb gets a tattoo,
ACT THREE
Feeders at state capital of Wyo.| Rudy & Jesse 1000 yards off ready to snipe them. Gwen senses Rudy & escapes. | Mandy w/Leondra & Bill on 3 wheelers talking security | Caleb at the cave, bath water burns him; poisoned, he teleports off | Victoria arrives moment later, figures it out.| Atlantis, Charles meets w/ Buttner & Selene re: the dispersion panels & possibility of the citizens becoming addicts to the spray is realized, its better that – than dead at the hands of Necros.
ACT FOUR
Victoria. goes to cabin, saves Caleb from Necro that is forming from his body | Rudy tracks the van, kills a Necro; Gwen comes out, Rudy escapes | Jesse in church praying, visitation from Apostle Paul who advises him to stay close to Rudy..| Lori & V. drive around bonding
ACT FIVE
Girl’s night out: V & Lori, go to movies then café, get jumped in café parking lot by 2 thugs.
ACT SIX
Caleb senses V’s wound, teleport there, stops time. Wrecks the two thugs, Lori & Victoria do not see or remember a thing. Caleb puts them in V’s car, then restarts time…V smells his cologne
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Episode 10 Vanities of Man
TEASER
Caleb learns from Cindy that he got her pregnant; they’re Necros, twins. He freaks; leaves.
ACT ONE
Victoria goes over to Caleb’s: surprises him: makes love | Annabelle sends Olivia off to seduce Caleb, get his fluids | Caleb after V. saves him, discovers the pocket watch’s magic | Olivia questions Sherry, then goes & seduces Richard.
ACT TWO
Caleb dreams of Olivia seducing & killing him. He freaks; teleports off, lands in nearby cove. Woman sees it, swims out to rescue him, he teleports off. Ends up in his shower | Recalls the stabbing incident of his heart w/ Victoria in bed. | Teleports off – naked. | Daphne raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one’s there | Annabelle Lee at her home, visits Riwyee, they agree on Alexis being the key | Alexis at her dad (Charlie’s) coffee shop, agents watch the place, she ditches them.
ACT THREE
Jenkins w/ wife (Tammy) freaking out over botched mission. | Charles, a 7 yr old boy, we see Riwyee curse him | Jenkins in hot-tub w/ wife who is a feeder| Earlier, we see Gwen taking Tammy over in bath tub, killing her and assuming her form.
ACT FOUR
Jenkins w/ Tammy aka feeder. She kills him, says to him, “Rudy will be joining you soon | Bruce in Miami tries to sell the portal idea to a drug-dealer | Alexis gets msg that Jenkins is dead. She breaks the news to the group. Rudy reminisces openly & honestly re: Jenkins.
ACT FIVE
Caleb teleports naked into café break room, steals clothes | starts working | owner thinks he is the new hire.| Bruce & Rudy talk re: technology of Alexis, Rudy will get it, it’ll cost Bruce $2million | Back at café, Caleb plays guitar for them: heals hurts, erases pain, heals memories…
ACT SIX
Caleb recalls playing at a City park, gave away too much. V found him fried in his bedroom | Back to café, Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, leaves assassin, Amanda, a note, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is being hunted by a professional assassin.
END OF SEASON ONE
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SEASON TWO
Episode 01 Hazards of Immortality
TEASER
Rudy & Jenkins at a rest stop; they get on each other’s nerves.
ACT ONE
Rudy & Bruce in hotel, exchange Alexis’ laptop for $, | busted by Daphne, in jail | Caleb telelports into camp, gives Riders the assassin’s wallet | V in Caleb’s room finds flyer of him & Charles playing in French Quarter, he explains playing the harmonic doesn’t drain him. | Daphne scares Rudy w/ chemical castration drug | Bill teleports in and rescues Rudy, they go to Montana ranch.
ACT TWO
Necros sabotage power plants in 15 cities | Bruce is attacked by Chiago, FBI move in; Ricardo shoots Chiago from afar. Bruce is shot too. | Cindy’s bedroom, Caleb visits, she’s mean and ugly; he leaves. | Charles w/ Angela (Bill’s new love) at political get together. He kills two Feeders: Leah & ?? Director of FBI and Director of Homeland Security. | Natalie takes Olivia’s painting & removes the patch she painted over her wound. | Olivia dies while making love to Caleb, Sept 7<sup>th</sup>
ACT THREE
Caleb visits Café, speaks w/ Laurie, owner, thanks her, then leaves | Subira & Charles attend Andrew’s party. | Fight over Subira, Charles lays Andrew’s forehead open. | Palladin finds Alyssa lying in the dirt; Love at first sight. | Assassin, Amanda, goes in GT’s looking for Caleb
ACT FOUR
Million Dollar Bar, Amanda talks w/ Jaimie, waitress, knows Calebs been in.| Rudy & Bill attend Jenkins funeral, they’re invisible. Daphne & agents are there. Rudy fucks w/ them.
ACT FIVE
Palladin w/ Alyssa, in love, she’s in the street, truck comes racing toward her | Graveyard, the trees smash the SUV’s people freak. | Jackasses in pickup, truck fly down the road. Alyssa hides in a tree limb, Palladin can’t find her, freaks. Alyssa reads his thoughts, surprises him. They enter the café together.
ACT SIX
Palladin & Alyssa enter the café, trick his brother and leave | Caleb visits Cindy; she’s dead, babies are gone, ripped thru her tummy and went out the window.|
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02 A Swan Song
TEASER
Caleb is visited by Victoria apologizes for the accusation at GTs. Lyderia is there, hidden; watching her. Does not like Victoria; protective of Caleb. There is history there.
ACT ONE
Alyssa w/ Palladin talk, profess love; | Caleb rescues Rick from moment of shame w/ his wife, who learns he slept w/ Carolyn | Caleb takes Rick to New Orleans to play music with him & Charles | Seeing graffiti in the bathroom, Caleb recalls V., at GT’s and how she blew up at him
ACT TWO
Caleb in boys’ locker room, finds sheet of paper w/ high-lights, takes it to V.’s bedroom, leaves it for her | Back in New Orleans, he meets Alyssa, she tells him about his half brother | Caleb & Rick meet Palladin, leave as trouble comes | Daphne sees the teleportation of Caleb & gang to the cabin. | she sends Norman the coordinates, who then sic’s Amanda, on them.
ACT THREE
Rick, Palladin, Caleb & Alyssa on a fishing trip in mtns. | Caleb recalls his dad as a Roman warrior in mirror when he was 6 yrs old | 3am, Amanda enters cabin, Caleb kills her!! |
ACT FOUR
Caleb returns to cabin, wakes everyone, they leave; moments later cabin is destroyed | Norman and Daphne talk about Caleb, thinks his kind is preparing for war by taking out power stations | At HQ, we see the group watch on TV as Montana secedes. Mandy points out Corinna. | Jesse invades Montana state capital, there to kill Corinna, fails and dies.
ACT FIVE
Rudy at grave site; Gwen shows up, taunts him. Mandy shows up, explains how Rudy & Gwen are mated for life. He is disgusted.
ACT SIX
Caleb and gang in underground vault w/ the $ | Necros take over a base | Mandy w/ Tyler, teleport off. Moment later, the compound is leveled with rockets – kills everyone.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03 Forever Young
TEASER
Lori sees Caleb get in limo w/ sexy woman, pic and sends to V. || Norman & Daphne talk
ACT ONE
Norman is behind the Montana compound bombing || banquet table w/ Riders || Caleb teleports to Mandy’s distress as does Bill, he teleports to Compound, sees the mess & goes off for revenge || V. visits Caleb at home; finds him passed out naked in back yard, saves him || Tiffany slaps Caleb at his locker ||| Caleb w/ Mandy at the bombed-out compound ||| Charles w/ senator promoting the need for slurry planes | Caleb leaves $ for Sherry, leaves a note for her to move to Cody | Caleb visits Ranger Jacobs who tells him Rick is a Shepard ||| V w/ Natalie talk re: Caleb’s situation
ACT TWO
President & his people welcome the Council of Elders ||| Corinna goes into an ICBM silo. ||| V. is taken before the Elders and jailed. ||| Shuri frees V., gives her powers to crossover ||| Bill kills Norman w/ his mind in a cafe || Rudy hooks up w/ Gwen; they meet and can’t kill one another |
ACT THREE
Lori recalls seeing Caleb w/ Kadija, & sending text to V. ||| Caleb & Kadija buy toys for Xmas ||| Caleb at HQ planning, kills Amanda, takes Victoria & goes to Sistine Chapel in 1510, || Teleporting back, Caleb & V are at a restaurant being spied upon by a free-lance TV pervert
ACT FOUR
V & Caleb meet perv; scene cuts to FBI alerted and coming to get them.|| Charles in New Orleans w/ Angela, | Natalie sends in a suicide bomber…
ACT FIVE
Kristin video tapes the explosion from across the street. In alleyway, Charles, Natalie & Angela who is hurt ||| Caleb & Victoria enjoying dinner, senses danger, he foils FBI trap, leaves w/ Victoria.
ACT SIX
Riders w/ Melody roasting marshmallows, having fun; Charles teleports in with Robert Murray and James Douglas – two more like him Runners! | Monique joins them. ||| Gwen w/ Rudy getting into a sub w/ metallic briefcase we saw Corinna w/ earlier. They end up at her hidden headquarters – underwater. End with clones of Gwen walking in on them.
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Episode 04 The Face of War
TEASER
Lori in Biology class, sees Caleb w/ special needs kids, texts V. || V. thinks back to earlier in the morning how she upset Caleb w/ a crass comment.
ACT ONE
Enforcers & Riders rounding up Corinna’s followers in the Montana state capital bldg.||| Caleb in a store, attacked by a feeder; Necro poison saves him, it kills the Feeder.|| Ranger Jacobs attacked by Wolves & killed ||| Natalie in vault paints wolf w/ Tinkerbelle on its nose ||| V meets Natalie Aug 29<sup>th</sup>, ||| Guryon uses Jaimie from the bar as bait; Andrew is there & steals Rick, Tarek kills Guryon. |||
ACT TWO
Riders w/ Runners & Gunslingers battle Necros and win a decisive battle outside the park ||| Caleb w/ V. uses pocketwatch to find Rick – goes back to Halloween night, 2016 instead. Caleb w/ Sherry & Caleb trick-r-treating, || later Caleb at V bedroom window: gives her perfume, she confesses she thought Caleb was her sugar daddy… Caleb recalls teleporting from Paris back to V’s bedroom sensing she was in pain. She wasn’t there.
ACT THREE
Caleb & V talk, make out; | cut to Lori in her bedroom hot and bothered, her mom comes in, Lori confesses she has feelings for Caleb, Francine understands|| Back to present, pocket watch shows Caleb & V, Armageddon ||| Annabelle Lee w/ Damen & Delilah w/ coven & Carolyn ||| Luke, Caleb’s dad, returns from the painting & appears as a business man. He is resurrected!!
ACT FOUR
Andrew tells Rick (he’s captured) that he hates his curse. Riwyee comes thru mirror takes Andrew with her, Andrew tells Rick she’s the one who cursed him. Riwyee takes them both.||| Caleb has nightmare-vision of ICBM being fired into the sky by Corinna, he’s in the cave in bed with Victoria, Tatania and Cheyenne ||| Luke goes to Riwyee’s shack and rescues Rick || Rudy & Gwen at the Montana cabin, make love; Rudy wants to join the group || Kristin and necros find cabin; Rudy and Gwen gone; they want to learn how Gwen made herself || Andrew w/Annabelle Lee, dancing, she fills him in on the new South and its benefits.
ACT FIVE
Victoria having Thanksgiving dinner w/ her dad and Pauline at Pauline’s house. Victor shows up, Victoria is pissed. Stranger is photographing Victor from a distance. V and dad argue in his office
ACT SIX
Victoria after dinner in her bedroom, door locked; pissed || Victor leaves, comes across stranded Jeep, meets Kristin. Make a date for coffee next night || Victoria teleports to barn with Caleb
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Episode 05 Day of Days
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 06 Black Ink & White Lies
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 07 Gathering of Fire Flies
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 08 Worm of Insinuation
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 09 Paint by Number Affections
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10 Unlooked for Revelation
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON TWO
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SEASON THREE
Episode 01 Sleep has a Twin
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 02 Vanishing Options
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 03 Reset
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 04 Precautions Please
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 05 Visitors Welcome
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 06 Addiction, Addicts and Agendas
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07 Asleep at the Wheel
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON THREE
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SEASON FOUR
Episode 01
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 09
TEASER
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON FOUR
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SEASON FIVE
Episode 01
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
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Episode 02
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON FIVE
-
Module 2 – Lesson 3: Easy Way to Five Seasons – Assignment
Mike – Five Seasons
What I learned is…. The importance of knowing the big picture, seeing where your show will be in five seasons. This process makes it possible. I tend to get lost; can’t see the forest for the trees.
I. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.
Shangra La is the bigger mystery that could play out over five seasons? The origins of Shangra La, its inhabitants, its appeal, its dangers. Shangra La is the current reality, what layers could be beneath that could become future seasons? The dangerous factions within Shangra La: (1) Feeders, deciding to leave and go to earth to survive; (2) The Council of Elders, ruling class in Shangra La, have a hidden agenda which is to merge with earth and take over as the ruling class; (3) Splinter Beings, Danyak’s twisted creation. Beings that come from sink holes in Shangra La (places where the fabric of time and earth have merged) and are transported to earth by Danyak’s minions to collect human souls for Danyak.
*The huge transformation that happens over the five seasons = Earth, Shangra La and the Old South co-exist. The feuds, power struggles and back stabbing end as they have bound together and formed alliances in order to defeat the Necromancers, then the Splinter beings. ———————————————————————————–
II. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.
Possible Stair Steps: [#1] Bigger mystery [#2] Bigger conflict [#3] Bigger opponent [#4] Major layer exposed [#5] Exploring more dangerous ground [#6] Bigger arena for the fight
Season One = Caleb finds love, we are introduced to Shangra La, a parallel earth he visits. #1 & #2 & #5
Season Two = Necros arrive on earth, Feeders flee Shangra La, take over Wyo. #1 & #2 & #3
Season Three = Shangra La opens its borders (hidden agenda – make addicts of humans) #1 & #5 & #6
Season Four = Sink holes in Shangra La, places where the fabric of time & earth merge. Splinter beings come thru the portals: unstable, deadly. *They are Danyak’s creations!! #3 & #4 & #5
Season Five = The Old South (Annabelle & coven) new Capitol; she’s the President! #1 & #4
SEASON 1 START: Caleb is a student with psychic powers who finds himself leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadow war with supernatural foes.
SEASON 5 END: World weary, Caleb returns to his mother’s painting vault, climbs into the painting from which he was created and goes into stasis. =================================================================
III. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – There is a parallel earth made up of man’s spent emotions.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: from traumatized student to resistance leader committed to saving mankind.
C. Main Conflict: Caleb must stay ahead of 3 gov., agencies, intent on capturing him, given his abilities.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: What is Shangra La to Caleb, why does he keep visiting the place?
E. Cliffhanger: Caleb is now being hunted by an assassin. —————————————————————————
Season 2:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – The Feeders flee Shangra La, take over Wyoming
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – Caleb learns warfare, leads his group into battle
C. Main Conflict – Caleb is fighting both Feeders and Necromancers while avoiding gov. agencies
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Victoria’s ghost appearing in Lori’s life as well as Caleb’s
E. Cliffhanger –War with the Necromancers increases as they attack a military base. ———————————————————————-
Season 3:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – modern man reacquaints himself w/ magic
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – Shangra La is addicting men to ensure they will be protected later on.
C. Main Conflict – War w/ necros goes underground; focus is on Wyo & Montana leaving the union.
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Shangra La opens its borders, Old South is expanding, unstoppable force field
E. Cliffhanger – The US and Shangra La join forces in the confrontation with splinter beings and Feeders
—————————————————————————
Season 4:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – Other dark forces join together
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey –
C. Main Conflict – open warfare with the splinter beings
D. Mystery/Open Loops – Danyak, what’s his end game? Lyderia passes thru Annabelle Lee’s shield, meets w/ her, why?
E. Cliffhanger – Lyderia and Annabelle talk over tea, come to an agreement, hug, all smiles.
—————————————————————————–
Season 5:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season – enemies join forces in the face of bigger enemies
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey – full cycle of war: from skirmishes, to all out war, to retreating to Old South
C. Main Conflict – all out war; Necromancers and splinter beings on humans
D. Mystery/Open Loops – what agreement did Annabelle and Lyderia come to?
E. Cliffhanger – Annabelle Lee is sworn in as the new republic’s President and Lyderia, vice president. ———————————————————————————————
IV. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
SEASON ONE
EPISODE 1 Etchings of Fear
ACT ONE
Kidnapped, Caleb argues w/ Andrew & Mashika, | Charles at roadside, saves Caleb uses Victoria
ACT TWO
Caleb awakens, meets Olivia, they talk, mom (Natalie) comes in, Olivia leaves hospital room.
ACT THREE
Caleb leaves hospital w/ Riders | Rick is w/ Carolyn, | V’s spirit trapped w/ Victor by Annabelle
ACT FOUR
Riders & Caleb return to crash; flashback to another crash | Olivia arrives, she talks, C. teleports
ACT FIVE
Rick & wife fight; she leaves w/ kid. | Carolyn appears in road, wrecks Jeep; kills wife & kid.
ACT SIX
Caleb in Yellowstone | Olivia sees Victoria’s ghost in Cody | Caleb visits Olivia while she sleeps.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02 Epiphany – The Morning After
TEASER
Caleb sleeping w/ Tatania & Chyenne, has nightmare, they save him from dying.
ACT ONE
Funeral for Rick’s wife & daughter | mom & Caleb bond | Olivia & mom meet at her home
ACT TWO
Olivia w/ Caleb at heart lake | Rick meets Andrew (in disguise) at a bar. He tricks Rick.
ACT THREE
Olivia & Caleb make love; she’s killed; Riders rescue Caleb | Mom revives Olivia | Charles rescues Rick from Andrew
ACT FOUR
Charles & Rick cross over, meet Bill | Shaw arrests Olivia | Caleb rescues Olivia; they leave
ACT FIVE
Caleb relives Olivia’s death, wakes up, she’s w/ him in bed, talk re: Victoria’s death.
ACT SIX
Rick goes to white buffalo | Caleb shares his feelings w/ Olivia, she’s kidnapped by Mashika
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03 Love’s Dying Child
TEASER
Victoria spies on Caleb giving out food | tells Lori he’s the Sylvan Park Robin Hood
ACT ONE
Norman sees Rick change the season | Carolyn saves Rick | FBI raid Natalie’s home, take art!
ACT TWO
Olivia is whipped by Mashika, Annabelle lee rescues her, blows up barn | FBI investigate it.
ACT THREE
Caleb & Charles rescue Rick from Carolyn | Natalie’s orgy, V. spies on Caleb | Olivia vodooed
ACT FOUR
Rick meets Riders & joins up | Lori runs into Caleb | Olivia meets coven
ACT FIVE
Rick dreams of pilgrims | Victor w/ Victor | Natalie recalls painting with V. | FBI has her art.
ACT SIX
Caleb & Victoria in meadow | Natalie & Victoria talking, re: Caleb and she’s his 1<sup>st</sup> mortal
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04 Watering Hole Of The Dead
TEASER
Caleb dreams of driving, Carolyn shows up, shows him Victoria’s death | Lori feels it, they talk
ACT ONE
Caleb & mom get her art | Charles learns Annabelle Lee is Necro | Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout, Charles tries to rescue Olivia: caught & made a slave on Annabelle Lee’s plantation
ACT TWO
Shaw & Bruce meet | Caleb sees Victoria in mirror, punches it, Rick saves him | Jenkins & Rudy tag a crossover | Charles in a field behind a plow horse as a slave.
ACT THREE
Rudy & Jenkins on stakeout, Caleb shows up, fixes Rudy | Rick & Caleb find Victor’s lab.
ACT FOUR
Agent Richards gasses Caleb, he escapes | Shaw is mad, art is gone | Caleb w/ V. sees his dad die
ACT FIVE
Caleb teleports drugged to his old school | Rudy & Jenkins in DC; Rudy does good | Caleb is rescued in parking lot by Cindy, girl who found him in the library semi-conscious.
ACT SIX
Annabelle Lee cannot open portal | Victoria is saved from a Feeder by Tatania & Cheyenne
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05 If Only She Knew
TEASER
Caleb as a boy w/ his dad and Rick: fishing and panning for gold, they plan a hike.
ACT ONE
Rick & Jenkins in no-where Nevada, comic-relief scene | Tatania & Cheyene take V. to cave & teach her love | Charles tries to free Olivia, can’t | Bruce & Shaw plot | Charles returns home. | Caleb w/ Tatania & Cheyenne; he recalls his talk w/ V. re: her father & crooked cops.
ACT TWO
Caleb trains Tatania & Cheyenne, they all go to an art showing; find Victoria! | Caleb relives 1<sup>st</sup> trip with V. to the cabin! Back to present day, the four of them bond!
ACT THREE
Caleb w/ V. teleport off as police arrive; Rudy & Jenkins watch | V learns it is Caleb’s B-day
ACT FOUR
Caleb w/ Victoria, he comes clean, tells her about his abilities; they make love in the cabin.
ACT FIVE
Riders at Jackson Hole, Homeland S. flies in; Riders leave in Mustangs, cars turn into horses
ACT SIX
Caleb & V. at oceanscape home Dec 6<sup>th</sup>. | Necromancer crashes into swamp, takes manshape | Caleb shows Victoria his nightmare, it freaks them out. It’s her blood he tastes in the vision.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 6 Handsome Boy Comes Calling
TEASER
Lead Necro takes on a human form, seduces and kills a hooker in New Orleans, then flies off.
ACT ONE
Caleb & V. on beach, talk; teleport to her tree house | Jack comes out. C. leaves. | Necro takes on person’s form | Natalie visits Luke’s grave, tells him he has to come back | Caleb at GTs w/ Vict.
ACT TWO
Caleb & Victoria 1<sup>st</sup> meeting; at a park w/ Natalie | Caleb w/Victoria in GT’s, she kisses him.
ACT THREE
Kristin lays 12 eggs, they hatch, grow rapidly & eat the janitor. | Rick & Malakai riding, chased by cops, river kills them | Necromancers now teens | Caleb in library, meets Lori w/ V.
ACT FOUR
V. & Lori go to GT’s | Caleb’s not there. They leave | Caleb comes out w/ Braelin in tow. | Caleb & Charles root out the Necros | Outside the church, the Riders & butterflies dispatch all but one Necro which flees. | Caleb meets Jack, V’s dad, he hates Caleb. | V & Caleb go out to dinner.
ACT FIVE
Caleb & Charles track Necro | Caleb recalls fight w/ gunslingers, how he was shot
ACT SIX
Caleb is helped w/ bullet wound by Tarek; | Caleb teleports to Victoria’s home, leaves a note.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07 Into the Sweet By & By
TEASER
Caleb visits his dad’s grave in England, Leondra shows up, takes him to meet Mandy
ACT ONE
Caleb teleports into V. bedroom, leaves a letter | Necro in graveyard crosses over, just before the drone missile levels graveyard. | Caleb & Charles escape. | Caleb recalls his meal w/ V. | Charles talks to Caleb about living in the past | Caleb chases & kills Necro, is stung in leg & infected.
ACT TWO
Caleb meets Bill, they talk w/ Council of Elders | Rudy & Jenkins at work | Annabelle goes to ranch as a Necro, kills cattle looking for Caleb | Corinna & feeders leave Shangra La for good
ACT THREE
Feeders wind up in Wyatt, Wyo., kill everyone, save one person who escapes. | Compound in Montana, Leondra w/ Mandy & Caleb | In Wyatt, bodies buried in mass grave | Corinna w/ Gwen teaches her how to feed w/out hurting the person; they can’t leave any more bodies.
ACT FOUR
Riders fight Necros & win.| Rudy w/ Jenkins crop dusting graveyards; Linda in water truck on ground | Rudy recalls quitting Daphne and Homeland Security & giving her the finger.
ACT FIVE
Jenkins w/ Rudy at a bar. Rudy recalls Gwen; he’s smitten.| Rudy wakes up from nightmare of a medusa, snuggles w/ Linda. | Charles & Natalie w/ energy collectors pitching it to investors.
ACT SIX
Caleb at store window, thinks back to past & recalls a woman in Walgreens he saved from suicide.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08 Bolt from the Blue
TEASER
Caleb & V make hot cocoa, take shower, make love, Caleb leaves when dad knocks on door.
ACT ONE
Caleb hiding from V & Lori at the fountain | Caleb drops lamp on bullies picking on Sherry. He comes out of it; he’s at that store window from a moment ago. Charles is w/ him: Tells him only Caleb’s grandfather had the ability to “Bring your memories into reality. Having your past take shape in the here and now” KEY POWER USE IN SEASON TWO | Rudy returns to Linda’s room, hurt; Necro ruined the plane. | Corinna in guise as Wyatt’s mayor meets w/ other Necros in guise; Jesse is spying on them |Rudy passes out from wound | Daphne learns the truth from Frank Ross about the “crossovers” She is blown away!
ACT TWO
Violet w/ Johnny Lee; both killed by a Necro | Caleb & V. going skinny dipping, recalls 1<sup>st</sup> time he got in her car to sign the photo-op forms, then talking about loss & Rachel ‘s death.
ACT THREE
Jack GPS on V. | Caleb & V. skinny dipping, hiding from dad in forest, Caleb heals her ankle | Rudy at bar on the hunt, recalls Linda’s death, | runs into Gwen in disguise, leaves w/ her
ACT FOUR
Rudy has sex, Gwen reveals herself, drugs him. | Caleb at the school dance; rufied by Tiffany then groped and fondled.
ACT FIVE
Caleb is rescued by Lori. In her car, they share a psychic fantasy, very sexual in nature.
ACT SIX
Rudy wakes up in a slaughterhouse, meets Jesse. | Series of shots showing Necros on earth.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09 Holding Hands with Death .
TEASER
Caleb visits Sherry, he’s infected! He almost rapes her, leaves before he does the deed.
ACT ONE
Corinna, as Stewart, kills Matthew, the Governor, then takes his form. | Rick w/ crossovers & Riders fend off Wolves, escape through a crack in rock | Victoria & Lori go to school talking re: Caleb and being drugged | Rick closes the crevasse, kills the wolves, meets his daughter & wife | Jesse and Rudy at his cabin. Jesse shows Rudy the VCR he took of killing a Necromancer.
ACT TWO
Caleb at the falls recalls Victoria. He is infected w/ Necro poison. | Council of Elders meet | Warehouse full of communing Necros | Caleb gets a tattoo,
ACT THREE
Feeders at state capital of Wyo.| Rudy & Jesse 1000 yards off ready to snipe them. Gwen senses Rudy & escapes. | Mandy w/Leondra & Bill on 3 wheelers talking security | Caleb at the cave, bath water burns him; poisoned, he teleports off | Victoria arrives moment later, figures it out.| Atlantis, Charles meets w/ Buttner & Selene re: the dispersion panels & possibility of the citizens becoming addicts to the spray is realized, its better that – than dead at the hands of Necros.
ACT FOUR
Victoria. goes to cabin, saves Caleb from Necro that is forming from his body | Rudy tracks the van, kills a Necro; Gwen comes out, Rudy escapes | Jesse in church praying, visitation from Apostle Paul who advises him to stay close to Rudy..| Lori & V. drive around bonding
ACT FIVE
Girl’s night out: V & Lori, go to movies then café, get jumped in café parking lot by 2 thugs.
ACT SIX
Caleb senses V’s wound, teleport there, stops time. Wrecks the two thugs, Lori & Victoria do not see or remember a thing. Caleb puts them in V’s car, then restarts time…V smells his cologne
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10 Vanities of Man .
TEASER
Caleb learns from Cindy that he got her pregnant; they’re Necros, twins. He freaks; leaves.
ACT ONE
Victoria goes over to Caleb’s: surprises him: makes love | Annabelle sends Olivia off to seduce Caleb, get his fluids | Caleb after V. saves him, discovers the pocket watch’s magic | Olivia questions Sherry, then goes & seduces Richard.
ACT TWO
Caleb dreams of Olivia seducing & killing him. He freaks; teleports off, lands in nearby cove. Woman sees it, swims out to rescue him, he teleports off. Ends up in his shower | Recalls the stabbing incident of his heart w/ Victoria in bed. | Teleports off – naked. | Daphne raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one’s there | Annabelle Lee at her home, visits Riwyee, they agree on Alexis being the key | Alexis at her dad (Charlie’s) coffee shop, agents watch the place, she ditches them.
ACT THREE
Jenkins w/ wife (Tammy) freaking out over botched mission. | Charles, a 7 yr old boy, we see Riwyee curse him | Jenkins in hot-tub w/ wife who is a feeder| Earlier, we see Gwen taking Tammy over in bath tub, killing her and assuming her form.
ACT FOUR
Jenkins w/ Tammy aka feeder. She kills him, says to him, “Rudy will be joining you soon | Bruce in Miami tries to sell the portal idea to a drug-dealer | Alexis gets msg that Jenkins is dead. She breaks the news to the group. Rudy reminisces openly & honestly re: Jenkins.
ACT FIVE
Caleb teleports naked into café break room, steals clothes | starts working | owner thinks he is the new hire.| Bruce & Rudy talk re: technology of Alexis, Rudy will get it, it’ll cost Bruce $2million | Back at café, Caleb plays guitar for them: heals hurts, erases pain, heals memories…
ACT SIX
Caleb recalls playing at a City park, gave away too much. V found him fried in his bedroom | Back to café, Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, leaves assassin, Amanda, a note, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is being hunted by a professional assassin.
END OF SEASON ONE
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
SEASON TWO
Episode 01 Hazards of Immortality .
TEASER
Rudy & Jenkins at a rest stop; they get on each other’s nerves.
ACT ONE
Rudy & Bruce in hotel, exchange Alexis’ laptop for $, | busted by Daphne, in jail | Caleb telelports into camp, gives Riders the assassin’s wallet | V in Caleb’s room finds flyer of him & Charles playing in French Quarter, he explains playing the harmonic doesn’t drain him. | Daphne scares Rudy w/ chemical castration drug | Bill teleports in and rescues Rudy, they go to Montana ranch.
ACT TWO
Necros sabotage power plants in 15 cities | Bruce is attacked by Chiago, FBI move in; Ricardo shoots Chiago from afar. Bruce is shot too. | Cindy’s bedroom, Caleb visits, she’s mean and ugly; he leaves. | Charles w/ Angela (Bill’s new love) at political get together. He kills two Feeders: Leah & ?? Director of FBI and Director of Homeland Security. | Natalie takes Olivia’s painting & removes the patch she painted over her wound. | Olivia dies while making love to Caleb, Sept 7<sup>th</sup>
ACT THREE
Caleb visits Café, speaks w/ Laurie, owner, thanks her, then leaves | Subira & Charles attend Andrew’s party. | Fight over Subira, Charles lays Andrew’s forehead open. | Palladin finds Alyssa lying in the dirt; Love at first sight. | Assassin, Amanda, goes in GT’s looking for Caleb
ACT FOUR
Million Dollar Bar, Amanda talks w/ Jaimie, waitress, knows Calebs been in.| Rudy & Bill attend Jenkins funeral, they’re invisible. Daphne & agents are there. Rudy fucks w/ them.
ACT FIVE
Palladin w/ Alyssa, in love, she’s in the street, truck comes racing toward her | Graveyard, the trees smash the SUV’s people freak. | Jackasses in pickup, truck fly down the road. Alyssa hides in a tree limb, Palladin can’t find her, freaks. Alyssa reads his thoughts, surprises him. They enter the café together.
ACT SIX
Palladin & Alyssa enter the café, trick his brother and leave | Caleb visits Cindy; she’s dead, babies are gone, ripped thru her tummy and went out the window.|
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02 A Swan Song .
TEASER
Caleb is visited by Victoria apologizes for the accusation at GTs. Lyderia is there, hidden; watching her. Does not like Victoria; protective of Caleb. There is history there.
ACT ONE
Alyssa w/ Palladin talk, profess love; | Caleb rescues Rick from moment of shame w/ his wife, who learns he slept w/ Carolyn | Caleb takes Rick to New Orleans to play music with him & Charles | Seeing graffiti in the bathroom, Caleb recalls V., at GT’s and how she blew up at him
ACT TWO
Caleb in boys’ locker room, finds sheet of paper w/ high-lights, takes it to V.’s bedroom, leaves it for her | Back in New Orleans, he meets Alyssa, she tells him about his half brother | Caleb & Rick meet Palladin, leave as trouble comes | Daphne sees the teleportation of Caleb & gang to the cabin. | she sends Norman the coordinates, who then sic’s Amanda, on them.
ACT THREE
Rick, Palladin, Caleb & Alyssa on a fishing trip in mtns. | Caleb recalls his dad as a Roman warrior in mirror when he was 6 yrs old | 3am, Amanda enters cabin, Caleb kills her!! |
ACT FOUR
Caleb returns to cabin, wakes everyone, they leave; moments later cabin is destroyed | Norman and Daphne talk about Caleb, thinks his kind is preparing for war by taking out power stations | At HQ, we see the group watch on TV as Montana secedes. Mandy points out Corinna. | Jesse invades Montana state capital, there to kill Corinna, fails and dies.
ACT FIVE
Rudy at grave site; Gwen shows up, taunts him. Mandy shows up, explains how Rudy & Gwen are mated for life. He is disgusted.
ACT SIX
Caleb and gang in underground vault w/ the $ | Necros take over a base | Mandy w/ Tyler, teleport off. Moment later, the compound is leveled with rockets – kills everyone.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03 Forever Young
TEASER
Lori sees Caleb get in limo w/ sexy woman, pic and sends to V. || Norman & Daphne talk
ACT ONE
Norman is behind the Montana compound bombing || banquet table w/ Riders || Caleb teleports to Mandy’s distress as does Bill, he teleports to Compound, sees the mess & goes off for revenge || V. visits Caleb at home; finds him passed out naked in back yard, saves him || Tiffany slaps Caleb at his locker ||| Caleb w/ Mandy at the bombed-out compound ||| Charles w/ senator promoting the need for slurry planes | Caleb leaves $ for Sherry, leaves a note for her to move to Cody | Caleb visits Ranger Jacobs who tells him Rick is a Shepard ||| V w/ Natalie talk re: Caleb’s situation
ACT TWO
President & his people welcome the Council of Elders ||| Corinna goes into an ICBM silo. ||| V. is taken before the Elders and jailed. ||| Shuri frees V., gives her powers to crossover ||| Bill kills Norman w/ his mind in a cafe || Rudy hooks up w/ Gwen; they meet and can’t kill one another |
ACT THREE
Lori recalls seeing Caleb w/ Kadija, & sending text to V. ||| Caleb & Kadija buy toys for Xmas ||| Caleb at HQ planning, kills Amanda, takes Victoria & goes to Sistine Chapel in 1510, || Teleporting back, Caleb & V are at a restaurant being spied upon by a free-lance TV pervert
ACT FOUR
V & Caleb meet perv; scene cuts to FBI alerted and coming to get them.|| Charles in New Orleans w/ Angela, | Natalie sends in a suicide bomber…
ACT FIVE
Kristin video tapes the explosion from across the street. In alleyway, Charles, Natalie & Angela who is hurt ||| Caleb & Victoria enjoying dinner, senses danger, he foils FBI trap, leaves w/ Victoria.
ACT SIX
Riders w/ Melody roasting marshmallows, having fun; Charles teleports in with Robert Murray and James Douglas – two more like him Runners! | Monique joins them. ||| Gwen w/ Rudy getting into a sub w/ metallic briefcase we saw Corinna w/ earlier. They end up at her hidden headquarters – underwater. End with clones of Gwen walking in on them.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04 The Face of War .
TEASER
Lori in Biology class, sees Caleb w/ special needs kids, texts V. || V. thinks back to earlier in the morning how she upset Caleb w/ a crass comment.
ACT ONE
Enforcers & Riders rounding up Corinna’s followers in the Montana state capital bldg.||| Caleb in a store, attacked by a feeder; Necro poison saves him, it kills the Feeder.|| Ranger Jacobs attacked by Wolves & killed ||| Natalie in vault paints wolf w/ Tinkerbelle on its nose ||| V meets Natalie Aug 29<sup>th</sup>, ||| Guryon uses Jaimie from the bar as bait; Andrew is there & steals Rick, Tarek kills Guryon. |||
ACT TWO
Riders w/ Runners & Gunslingers battle Necros and win a decisive battle outside the park ||| Caleb w/ V. uses pocketwatch to find Rick – goes back to Halloween night, 2016 instead. Caleb w/ Sherry & Caleb trick-r-treating, || later Caleb at V bedroom window: gives her perfume, she confesses she thought Caleb was her sugar daddy… Caleb recalls teleporting from Paris back to V’s bedroom sensing she was in pain. She wasn’t there.
ACT THREE
Caleb & V talk, make out; | cut to Lori in her bedroom hot and bothered, her mom comes in, Lori confesses she has feelings for Caleb, Francine understands|| Back to present, pocket watch shows Caleb & V, Armageddon ||| Annabelle Lee w/ Damen & Delilah w/ coven & Carolyn ||| Luke, Caleb’s dad, returns from the painting & appears as a business man. He is resurrected!!
ACT FOUR
Andrew tells Rick (he’s captured) that he hates his curse. Riwyee comes thru mirror takes Andrew with her, Andrew tells Rick she’s the one who cursed him. Riwyee takes them both.||| Caleb has nightmare-vision of ICBM being fired into the sky by Corinna, he’s in the cave in bed with Victoria, Tatania and Cheyenne ||| Luke goes to Riwyee’s shack and rescues Rick || Rudy & Gwen at the Montana cabin, make love; Rudy wants to join the group || Kristin and necros find cabin; Rudy and Gwen gone; they want to learn how Gwen made herself || Andrew w/Annabelle Lee, dancing, she fills him in on the new South and its benefits.
ACT FIVE
Victoria having Thanksgiving dinner w/ her dad and Pauline at Pauline’s house. Victor shows up, Victoria is pissed. Stranger is photographing Victor from a distance. V and dad argue in his office
ACT SIX
Victoria after dinner in her bedroom, door locked; pissed || Victor leaves, comes across stranded Jeep, meets Kristin. Make a date for coffee next night || Victoria teleports to barn with Caleb
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05 Day of Days
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06 Black Ink & White Lies
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07 Gathering of Fire Flies
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08 Worm of Insinuation
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09 Paint by Number Affections
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10 Unlooked for Revelation
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON TWO
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
SEASON THREE
Episode 01 Sleep has a Twin
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02 Vanishing Options
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03 Reset
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04 Precautions Please
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05 Visitors Welcome
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06 Addiction, Addicts and Agendas
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07 Asleep at the Wheel
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON THREE
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
SEASON FOUR
Episode 01
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09
TEASER
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON FOUR
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
SEASON FIVE
Episode 01
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 02
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 03
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 04
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 05
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 06
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 07
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 08
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 09
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Episode 10
TEASER
ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
ACT SIX
END OF SEASON FIVE
-
Module 2 – Lesson 2: Compelling Character Descriptions – Assignment
Mike – Character Descriptions
What I learned is …again the power in less verbiage, the better. Strategically use action verbs to bring to life the characters in an intriguing and powerful way.
ASSIGNMENT
I. Pull out your BW Framework as source material.
II. Select a main character and answer the following questions:
[1] Who is the character? Caleb Sutherland
[2] Role in the show? A psychically gifted student who leads a group of super-naturals in protecting the helpless discovers the evil they face is the tip of the ice berg.
[2] Noteworthy traits: Caring, empathic, loner, speaks multiple languages, world traveler
[3] Intriguing history: Lived all over the world, owns homes in a dozen different countries but his parents have decided to settle in Colorado for some unknown reason.
[4] Intrigue? Takes special needs classes why, when he clearly doesn’t need to?
[5] Mystery? He doesn’t own a car, but he is everywhere, how?
[6] How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Avoiding his pain, avoiding everyone who knows, Caleb’s penchant for disappearing becomes a way of life for those who get close to him.
[7] Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character Caleb tries dozens of times to find Raquel in Shangra La and fails. Victoria gets murdered and Caleb finds her in Shangra La, not Raquel.
[8] Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters
[9] Unpredictable? He is unprepared and ill-equipped to lead an army against the Necromancers who have come to earth to enslave mankind.
[10] Intriguing relationship with one or more characters Charles, Lyderia, and Tiffany.
——————————————————————————-
III. Organize the answers and choose which you are going to use in your description of that character.
4. Sequence the info and write a START, MIDDLE, and END. Write a ROUGH DRAFT of the character description.
Start: Caleb, a psychically-gifted young man having recovered from the tragic death of his beloved, finds himself facing a deadly shadow war and starting up with a school girl – a relationship he is hesitant to embrace, but their love for one another that saves Caleb from certain defeat.
Middle: Will his new-found love for Victoria prove the catalyst needed to galvanize Caleb into leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadow war with the Necromancers?
End: Discovering the Necromancer’s weakness, Caleb and his forces are able to utilize it to win the initial skirmishes. However, the Necromancers (able to change shape at will) assimilate into society and begin infiltrating governments.
EDITED VERSION
Caleb, a psychically-gifted young man recovering from the tragic death of his girlfriend, finds himself facing a deadly foe in a shadow war, and starting up with the school’s prettiest girl – a relationship he is hesitant to embrace, but one that saves Caleb from certain defeat. His new-found love for Victoria proves the catalyst needed to galvanize him into leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadowwar with the Necromancers. Discovering their weakness, Caleb’s forces are able to win their initial skirmishes. However, the Necromancers (able to change shape at will) assimilate into society and begin infiltrating governments, forcing the use of Marshall law and guerilla tactics.
-
Mike – Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is the need for brevity, for being able to distill and boil concepts and ideas down to their essence. Bullet point brilliance required to hook a producer.
ASSIGNMENT: I. Present your Concept.
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero… Caleb, high-school transfer student, living two disparate lives,
B…up against a major conflict… learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world. C…goes on unique transformational journey… He assembles a team, leads them into a shadow war
D…Into an intriguing world. to save Earth and Shangra La from annihilation.
———————————————————–
II. Tell us the World of this show.
1. Unique Sub-World: characters & audience will travel into the “unknown” to meet the unseen and experience unheard of dangers
2. Previously unexplored: What part of this world have we not seen on TV or in Movies?
3. The Unknown: What is not known about this world? What areas might have audiences in the dark?
4. The Unseen: What is lurking in the shadows? What might be behind the scenes that we’re unaware of?
5. Unheard of Dangers: What are we not prepared for that could cause us harm?
6. Reason to explore it: What is the value of going to this world? What needs does the exploration fulfill?
TV series: “Between Lives”
1. Unique Sub-World: Shangra La, place where all your senses are heightened and there is no sense of time
2. Previously unexplored: only a tiny percentage of musicians and artists can crossover to Shangra La.
3. The unknown: There are mortal dangers for humans visiting Shangra La.
4. The unseen: sink-holes in Shangra La, places where the fabric of time and earth have merged.
5. Unheard of Dangers: Feeders are emotional vampires that prey upon humans in Shangra La.
6. Reason to explore it: In Shangra La, senses are heightened. It’s intoxicating; reality becomes magic.
-
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Mike – Binge Worthy Framework
(Ready for professional feedback from SU $25)
Title: Between Lives Format/Genre: TV pilot – Sci-Fi By: Michael O’Keefe
Concept: (Pre-Lesson 2)
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero… Caleb, high school loner living two disparate lives,B. …up against a major conflict… learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world.
C. …goes on unique transformational journey… He assembles a team, leads them into a shadow war,
D. …into an intriguing world….. to save both earth and Shangra La from anhiliation.
===============================
Intriguing World: (Pre-Lesson 2)
<div>Sub-world… Shangra La, built from spent human emotions and existing in
parallel with earth.
…we haven’t explored before or haven’t
explored this way… Accessible to only a few…that makes the transformational journey even more intriguing. Until
the two worlds unite against a common enemy.
</div><div>=================================
</div><div>
Circles of Characters: (Lesson 2)
Main Characters: Caleb, Victoria, Rick, Charles, Natalie, Annabelle Lee and
Shuri
Connected Characters: The Riders, Carolyn, Danyak, Lori,
Environment Characters: friends and acquiantances from Shangra La,
Natalie’s art friends, and school.</div><div></div><div>
=============================LESSON 3==============================
</div><div>
Character (1) – Caleb Engaging – Lesson 3
A. Role in the show: Reluctant Messiah – teen
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: psychic abilities allow him to travel between worlds at will, understand what each reality needs and lacks.
C. Moral Issue: With war comes death, Caleb hates taking any life, hard on him being leader
D. Unpredictable: He doesn’t handle stress well, his empathy causes him to teleport off a lot.
E. Empathetic: his kindness and love of life draw us to him. We feel his pain as being the leader requires him to do things against his gentle nature.
========================================
Character (2) – Victoria Engaging – Lesson 3
A. Role in the show: Caleb’s love interest
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Able to sense people who are hurting and/or in need of help. || Purpose: To save Caleb from all that he faces both internally and externally.
C. Moral Issue: by befriending Caleb, will her compassion ruin her relationship w/ her dad who dislikes Caleb. Worse, will her feelings for Caleb provoke her unstable ex-boyfriend, Victor, to retaliate?
D. Unpredictable: Reacts emotionally and like Caleb, her desire to help ‘strays’ creates issues.
E. Empathetic: Beautiful and tenderhearted. She lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her.
==========================================
Character (3) – Annabelle Lee Engaging – Lesson 3
A. Role in the show: Antagonist.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: powerful witch on a mission to resurrect the ‘Old South.’
C. Moral Issue: She has no morals
D. Unpredictable: her actions appear noble. She does the ‘right’ thing for the wrong reasons.
E. Empathetic: Loyal to a way of life long gone.
========================================
Character (4) – Charles Engaging – (Lesson 3)
A. Role in the show: Mentor,
friend and guide to both Caleb and Rick. He saves several of the main
characters from themselves.B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Expertise: Understanding of what
they face, what Caleb and his brother’s powers are, and how to develop them || Purpose: To train Caleb and his men to
fight, to be prepared for the upcoming war.C. Moral Issue: By
wanting to go back in time to save his fiancé, what consequences will there be
by doing so and thereby altering the futureD. Unpredictable: He
looks at life like a game of checkers, moves w/ the big picture in mind;
doesn’t see the immediate costs.E. Empathetic: Sacrificed
a life to watch over Caleb’s family.
Lonely and alone, he is nevertheless, committed to watching over and
training Caleb. His loyalty and selflessness are endearing traits any audience
will get behind.====================================
Character (5) – Natalie Engaging – (Lesson 3)
A. Role in the show: Wild Card
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Expertise: her artistic abilities enable her to create life or destroy it with her paintbrush || Purpose: Caleb & Rick’s mother, || Irony: She lives to create art and life; she ends up destroying both.
C. Moral Issue: She has no moral issues, save for the destruction of art
D. Unpredictable: She is mercurial; like Caleb, she travels back in time a lot for inspiration.
E. Empathetic: She is a gifted artist, obsessed with creation to the point of being dysfunctional.
====================================
Character (6) Shuri Engaging – (Lesson 3)
A. Role in the show: A Guardian angel
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Shuri’s purpose, she ascends, becomes part of the Quorum, || Expertise – able to rewrite history.
C. Moral Issue: Obsessed with righting wrongs, with making sure the ‘good guys’ win
D. Unpredictable: She is unknowable; will do whatever she thinks, feels will work.
E. Empathetic: Her love for what is right, for seeing to it Caleb has the tools and love needed to finish the war.
============================= (LESSON 4)=============================
Character (1) Caleb Intriguing Layers – (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: find Raquel in Shangra La & be w/ her
B. Competition: for leadership of the Riders; 2. for Victoria’s affections
C. Conspiracy: US Gov. is after them, he’s paranoid thanks to his mother’s fears
D. Secrets: his psychic abilities:
teleportation, telekinesis, reading minds, healing injuriesE. Deception: deceiving Victoria as to ‘why’ he is goes to Shangra La.
F. Wounds: death of Raquel & the subsequent death of his father
G. Secret Identities: Sylvan Park Robin Hood | The Ghost – art thief | Savior
==========================================
Character (2) Victoria Intriguing Layers – (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: Marry Caleb and become a mother; she wants a family.
B. Competition: other women in Caleb’s life (Raquel & Lyderia) || role as leader of the Riders
C. Conspiracy: together with Shuri against the Council of Elders
D. Secrets: her abortion in phx || thanks to Shuri, being able to return to earth for week at a time as a flesh and blood human
E. Deception: Not on the pill, wants to become pregnant.
F. Wounds: her mother’s death; || the boy who filmed them having sex without her knowledge
G. Secret Identity: ascended – a true human crossover, thanks to Shuri’s powers
=============================================
Character (3) Annabelle Lee Intriguing Layers – (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agenda: be Queen of the Old South
B. Competition: other witches in her coven.
C. Conspiracy: Her & the old witch do black magic
D. Secrets: her use of technology w/ her magic
E. Deception: tricks her coven into doing her will
F. Wound: Fall of the Old South & death of family
G. Secret Identity: Southern Belle
=======================================
Character (4) Charles Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: Return to 1850s and be w/ Subira, his woman
B. Competition: Andrew, wanting his woman, she was a black slave in the 1850s
C. Conspiracy: He and Shuri w/ the emotional collector panels for Shangra La.
D. Secrets: brief affair w/ Caleb’s mother, his ability to see a person’s future, his desire to return to the 1850s and his fiancé.
E. Deception: tricks Caleb into using his power to bring memories into reality so he can leave
F. Wound: Death of Subira, outliving his whole family
G. Secret Identity: Caleb’s bodyguard/mentor
=========================================
Character (5) Natalie Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: bring the Old South into the present.
B. Competition: The Necros who have arrived
C. Conspiracy: her coven gathers people & supplies for the rising of the Old South.
D. Secrets: She is not human; she’s one of the original Necromancers that fled Shangra La.
E. Deception: What she wants, what she’s up to.
F. Wound: The fall of the Old South; loss of that way of life.
G. Secret Identity: Belle of the Ball
=========================================
Character (6) Shuri Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: recreate a reality so the good guys win; || bring Shangra – La and Earth together w/out Feeders or Necros
B. Competition: other members on the Council of Elders
C. Conspiracy: She & Victoria against Council of Elders.
D. Secrets: she is ascending into the Quorum.
E. Deception: tricks the Council of Elders.
F. Wound: betrayed by the Council of Elders
G. Secret Identity: Quorum member
================================LESSON 5 ==========================
Character (1) Caleb Emotional Depth – (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: Caleb hopes to reunite his family / Fear: Law enforcement will discover him and/or his mom and they’ll become lab rats.
B. Want / Need: Caleb wants to help the less fortunate / Needs: Love and Validation.
C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base emotion: quiet loner / Public mask: special needs student
D. Weaknesses: head in the clouds, won’t see the bad in people, believes everyone can change.
E. Triggers: death of Raquel = terrified of being in cars || Dad’s death = fear of loss is magnified
F. Coping Mechanism: running away, fleeing; shutting down emotionally.
=========================================
Character (2) Victoria Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: Victoria hopes to find real love / Fear: she will die young like her mother.
B. Want / Need: Victoria wants to be in love & loved/ Needs: to be a mother & start a family.
C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base emotion: hurt, needing love / Public mask: sweet school girl
D. Weaknesses: fear of change, fear of loss
E. Triggers: Mother dying young from cancer || her abortion when in Phx || Dad’s affair w/ teacher.
F. Coping Mechanism:
distractions, focus time
and energy on the animal shelter.
</div><div>=============================================
Character (3) Annabelle Lee Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: She hopes to resurrect the Old South; fears she can’t bring the past to life.
B. Want / Need: Wants to keep safe & rule over the coven members / Needs to realize the shadow war is her problem too.
C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: A necromancer / public mask; sweet Southern Belle
D. Weaknesses: pretty Southern women
E. Triggers: being near a necromancer, she will start to change, become one herself.
F. Coping Mechanism: use of black magic
and voodoo to get who/what she wants.
</div><div>========================================
</div><div>
Character (4) Charles Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: Hopes: to find a way to return to his time / Fear: he will never get to go back in time.
B. Want / Need: Wants to become a father / Needs: to return to his world & marry his girl.
C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Bitter but determined / congenial old man
D. Weaknesses: ignorant about today’s world; lives in the past
E. Triggers: he is claustrophobic = his phobia || men yelling at women, he sees red always!
F. Coping Mechanism: his
music, playing music
</div><div>========================================
</div><div>
Character (5) Natalie Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: Hopes to become the greatest of all the painters past and present.
B. Want / Need: Wants to keep painting, keep collecting past works from artists she knew/Needs to get her family together and be their ‘mother.’
C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: stubborn and willful / carfree and eccentric
D. Weaknesses: The art world is her whole world, her only reason to be.
E. Triggers: Caleb’s wellbeing, he’s her favorite.
F. Coping Mechanism: painting, losing herself in the creation of
masterpieces.</div><div>=======================================
Character (6) Shuri Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope / Fear: Hopes to rewrite history / Fear: evil will win; what she does won’t stop it.
B. Want / Need: Wants to fix the world/ Needs: rewrite reality so ‘good’ gets to win.
C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: Base emotion: fear and inadequacy /Public mask: Defender of all that is good
D. Weaknesses: her need to control the future
E. Triggers: hidden agendas and liars, it’s why she hates council of elders for that reason.
F. Coping Mechanism: creating possible future scenarios in her mind
========================LESSON 6 =================================
Relationship Hooks – (Lesson 6)
Character 1: Caleb
Hot button = Being disingenuous, bullying or someone hurting another person.
Major Hook = his powers and where they will it takes him
Character 2: Victoria
Hot button = Liars and users; cruelty to animals
Major hook = her compassion and drive to find true love
Character 3: Annabelle Lee
Hot button = disrespectful people, a person lacking manners
Major hook = her fixation on a way of life long gone, and what she does to make it reality once again.
Character 4: Charles
Hot button = being hungry; as a slave, he was oftentimes hungry.
Major Hook = his influence over Caleb, his loyalty toward Caleb and his family.
Character 5: Natalie
Hot button = any interaction with law enforcement personnel.
Major Hook = her ability to create life or take it away with her paintbrush
Character 6: Shuri
Hot button = two-faced politicians
Major Hook = her ascension to the Quorum her ability to rewrite history.
=========================LESSON 7============================
Character 1: Caleb – Empathy / Distress (Lesson 7)
A. Undeserved misfortune. (1) He is kidnapped and nearly killed in the resulting car accident, Caleb ends up in ICU; (2) Caleb’s girlfriend is murdered; (3) FBI and Homeland Security launch a nationwide manhunt for Caleb; (4) He’s forced to leave school, his home, his life and girlfriend; (5) His father’s cabin, Caleb’s childhood ‘place’ is blown up by US Gov.
B. External Character conflicts. (1) Intentional – Caleb is
kidnapped because of who he is, what he can do; (2) Unintentional – FBI
agent develops feelings for Caleb; (3) Unintentional – Caleb’s need for love
ruins FBI agent’s career, life, etc.; (4) Unintentional – Caleb’s girlfriend
has an unstable ex-boyfriend who kills her.</div><div></div><div>
C. Plot intruding on life. (1) Caleb falling in love complicated by: what he can do & the secrets he keeps; (2) Victoria’s father, sic’s local police on Caleb, he does not like him; (3) Restraining order the dad serves Caleb, makes seeing Victoria harder; (4) Caleb’s psychic abilities allow him to see/feel/read Victoria’s mind; her love is real; (5) The kidnapping puts Caleb on FBI’s radar; (6) As leader of the Riders, Caleb has to be gone, lie about it, & isometimes returns wounded.
D. Moral dilemmas. (1) Caleb does not like lying to Victoria, but does so to protect her & himself; (2) Caleb does not believe in taking a life, but must as the shadow war intensifies; (3) As a leader, Caleb has to make choices & sacrifices that cause him pain and create self doubt.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make. (1) Caleb’s forced take refuge and join with the coven to repel the Necromancers; (2) Caleb bonds/melds w/ Annabelle Lee (leader of coven) her magic, his powers in order to thwart the enemy.
================================LESSON 8============================
Mystery – (Lesson 8)
Type 1: Shocking Event
A. Shocking Event: Caleb is kidnapped, taken away in a van. It collides with another vehicle. The captors (driver and passenger) vanish upon impact. Cocooned in a chrysalis, the shape of like his girl, Victoria, Caleb is ejected from the wreckage. The big mystery is: “What are they? How it possible?”
B. Secret: We, the audience, are not told about their immortality. We assume it’s magic as the van had occult symbols on the van walls.
C. Investigation: FBI agent on Caleb’s case, finds decades’ old fingerprints in van. When she returns to the crash site, she finds Caleb there. She questions him. Caleb gives her glimpse into his world, w/ his telepathic powers then vanishes (teleports off) in front of her.
Type 2: Over Time
A. Cover up: Necromancers, by the millions, are headed to earth. Their leader falls to earth first, takes the shape of a man and begins learning about earth. We learn it feeds off the dead to live, to grow stronger.
B. Secret: We, the audience, are not told why the Necromancers are coming to earth to wage war. Their end game (enslave man, breed humans for consumption) remains a mystery.
C. Reveals: (1) The Protagonist (Caleb) and his Riders
discover a way to defeat the Necromancers; (2) We learn it was Danyak who set
the Necromancers free!!
</div><div>========================== LESSON 9=================================
</div><div>
Open Loops – (Lesson 9)
1. Something important happened… A tear in the fabric of space releases millions of Necromancers who
2. …that is incomplete… begin swimming through space, heading where?
3. …which creates a question about the future. Their appearance sets in motion Armageddon which is to follow in season two.
==========================LESSON 10=================================
Potential Layers – (Lesson 10)
I. PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
(1) Major scheme revealed – Caleb is more than human, he’s fighting a supernatural war w/ others like himself.
(2) Mystery revealed – his supernatural ability as told by Andrew driving the van, then later observed w/ Caleb’s interaction with the FBI agent at the crash site.
(3) Thought the story was one thing, it is another – the kidnapping was actually a rescue on Andrew’s part (Carolyn’s sent a gunslinger to capture Caleb).
4) Major shift in Meaning – goes from a love story to an end of the world story
(5) Hidden history – Caleb’s history with Lyderia.
(6) Hidden plan – find Raquel, then discover a way to live in Shangra La full time.
</div><div>
(7) Major betrayal – Caleb is betrayed by his son & daughter; they murder Lori, his new love
——————————————-
II. CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
(1) Secret identity = Sylvan Park Robin Hood | The Ghost – art thief | Savior
(2) Character intrigue = Caleb is at home w/ rich art patrons, he’s lived everywhere
(3) Hidden relationships & conspiracies = his relationship with Lyderia (Raquel’s older sister); his attempts to save the school’s bad girl, Tiffany.
(4) Hidden Character history = frequent moves; people are
after them, paranoid thanks to his mother’s fears.</div><div>===========================LESSON 11=================================
Irony – (Lesson 11)
I. Character Irony = The character has opposites happening inside of him or her, or is behaving in a way that is opposite their normal behavior. Caleb is in love with Victoria, but is working to find a way back to Raquel in Shangra La.
A. Paradox with opposite Traits/Motivations = Calebs many trips to Shandra La in search of Raquel results in th discovery of Victoria who died and is living over there.
B. Values versus Needs = Caleb values all life, but needs to kill in order to save mankind from the Necromancers.
C. Presents one way/Is opposite = Andrew’s behavior presents him as an antagonist; turns out, he is looking out for their family.
—————————————————
II. Situational
Irony = is a situation
where two opposites are present in the situation.A. Appears to be X, but is Y. = Annabelle Lee appears to be a Southern Belle, a witch, but she is in fact, a Necromancer in disguise.
B. To get X, they give up Y. = To resurrect the Old South, Annabelle Lee is wiling to sacrifice the people and the landscape of the South in the present.
C. Avoiding X, they cause X. = Closing the portals between Shangra La & earth, the Council of Elders cause internal dissent: Feeders leave Shangra La, flee to earth as they will be starved if they stay in Shangra La.
</div>
-
Mike – Creating Irony
What I learned doing this is irony allows you to juxtapose the expected with something new, something deeper that takes the character’s arc and develops it.
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
I. Look back through your previous assignments, find at least 20 different situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony.
Review items that could supply Irony.
Character Name: Caleb Sutherland
Caleb’s Hidden Agenda: To find Raquel in Shangra La & be w/ her
IRONY – Caleb finds Raquel and she is no longer interested in him.
Caleb’s Deception: deceiving Victoria on ‘why’ he is going to Shangra La.
IRONY – Victoria is killed and Caleb ends up finding her in Shangra La, not Raquel.
——–
Caleb Hopes: He tries to reunite his family
IRONY – Caleb reunites his family; they are dysfunctional and NOT what he imagined.
——–
Caleb’s Weakness: his head in the clouds, won’t see the bad in people
IRONY – Not focused allows him to plan w/out fearing the odds and their slim chance of success
————————————————
Character Name: Charles Stewart
Charles’s Hidden Agenda: Return to 1850s and be w/ Subira, his woman
IRONY – Charles goes back and discovers she has married someone else and has a family.
———
Charles Hopes: to find a way to return to his time and fears he will never get to go back in time.
IRONY – Charles finds a way to return to his time to discover his lover has married someone else.
———
Charles’ Weakness: he is ignorant about today’s world; he lives in the past.
IRONY: his past has changed and when he returns, he is more lost than at home.
———————————————–
Character Name: Rick Sutherland
Rick’s Hidden Agenda – be #1 in his industry; he’s a win-at-all-costs kind of guy.
IRONY – Wants Carolyn’s business so bad, he falls into her trap and gets his wife and daughter killed
———-
Rick’s Fears: His abilities: who and what he is, will get in the way.
IRONY: It does; he destroys his family, his way of life, everything because he refuses to embrace it.
———
Rick’s Weakness: he is stubborn and obsessive to a fault
IRONY: Rick refuses to face who and what he is until it’s too late
—————————————————
Character Name: Shuri
Shuri’s Hidden Agenda: Recreate a reality so the good guys win
IRONY – rewriting history brings with it new complications and problems.
————
Shuri’s Hope to be able to rewrite history and create a new reality.
IRONY – she is able to do so; it creates a whole host of unforeseen problems
———–
Shuri’s Weakness – her need to control the future, to make things right
IRONY – Controlling the future has created a future she can no longer control.
————————————————–
Character Name: Victoria
Victoria’s Hidden Agenda: Marry Caleb and become a mother; she wants a family.
IRONY – planned parenthood clinic she went to for her abortion, tied her tubes w/out her consent.
—————-
Victoria’s Deception: Not on the pill, wants to become pregnant
IRONY – she cannot become pregnant because her tubes are tied.
————–
Victoria Fears: she will die young like her mother.
IRONY – She does. Victoria is killed by Victor, her jealous ex-boyfriend.
————–
Victoria’s Weakness: needs to be in love and loved; has abandonment issues due to her mom’s death.
IRONY – She finds whole new kind of love in Shangra La, after she is murdered.
II. Select the ones that work well for the show and share the character and situational irony ideas with us. The following ones work for me:
(1) Victoria Fears: she will die young like her mother.
IRONY – she does. She is killed by Victor her jealous ex-boyfriend
(2) Victoria’s Deception: Not on the pill, wants to become pregnant
IRONY – she cannot become pregnant because her tubes are tied.
(3) Shuri’s Weakness – her need to control the future, to make things right
IRONY – Controlling the future has created a future she can no longer control.
(4) Rick’s Hidden Agenda – be #1 in his industry; he’s a win-at-all-costs kind of guy.
IRONY – Wants Carolyn’s business so bad, he falls into her trap and gets his wife and daughter killed
(5) Charles Hopes: to find a way to return to his time / Fear: he will never get to go back in time.
IRONY – Charles finds a way to return to his time to discover his lover has married someone else.
(6) Caleb’s Hidden Agenda: To find Raquel in Shangra La & be w/ her
IRONY – Caleb finds Raquel and she is no longer interested in him
(7) Caleb’s Deception: deceiving Victoria on ‘why’ he is going to Shangra La
IRONY – Victoria is killed and Caleb ends up finding her in Shangra La, not Raquel.
-
Module 1 – Lesson 10: Creating Intriguing Layers – Assignment
Mike – Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this is… the two layers are symbiotic, each has its role in creating a binge worthy TV show.
====================================================================ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
I. Brainstorm a list of possible PLOT layers.
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Caleb S.(1) Major scheme revealed – His ability to go to Shangra La at will, teleport anywhere (2) Mystery revealed – abilities told by Andrew in the van, later revealed w/ FBI agent (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – (4) Major shift in Meaning – (5) Hidden history – his history with Lyderia (6) Hidden plan – find Raquel and a way to live in Shangra La full time with her (7) Major betrayal – Caleb is betrayed by his son & daughter; they murder Lori, his new love
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Victoria M.
(1) Major scheme revealed – (2) Mystery revealed – thing w/ a boy in phx., he used her, tricked her; did a porn flick. (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – (4) Major shift in Meaning – from teen love to surviving in two different realms. (5) Hidden history – in Phx, she got pregnant, had an abortion. (6) Hidden plan – to get pregnant, marry Caleb & start a family of her own. (7) Major betrayal – her ex boyfriend, Victor, murders her.
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Rick S.
(1) Major scheme revealed – (2) Mystery revealed – Rick’s powers, he is the next shepherd (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – business man turned shepherd (4) Major shift in Meaning – his life shifts from the pursuit of $ to saving crossovers (5) Hidden history – he was visited by Lyderia in his sleep as a teen. He ignored her advice. (6) Hidden plan – Rick wants to bring his dead wife & daughter back, way Caleb did Victoria (7) Major betrayal – Ms. Westfall signs him to a huge contract then kills his wife and daughter
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Charles S.
(1) Major scheme revealed –
(2) Mystery revealed – He is one hundred fifty years old; he has history with Andrew. (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – he is Caleb’s mentor, he wants to return to the past, have a family of his own. (4) Major shift in Meaning – (5) Hidden history – His love affair with Natalie (6) Hidden plan – To return to his time, 1850s (7) Major betrayal – Andrew at the party, attacking his beloved Subira
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Andrew S.
(1) Major scheme revealed – His need for Caleb’s life force to keep from aging and dying. (2) Mystery revealed – (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – He seems a bad guy, but he is not (4) Major shift in Meaning – (5) Hidden history – (6) Hidden plan – To reunite the Sutherlands old and new. (7) Major betrayal – He tries to steal Charles’ woman
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Shuri.
(1) Major scheme revealed- (2) Mystery revealed – (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – (4) Major shift in Meaning – (5) Hidden history – (6) Hidden plan – (7) Major betrayal –
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Annabelle Lee.
(1) Major scheme revealed – (2) Mystery revealed – (3) Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – (4) Major shift in Meaning – (5) Hidden history – The fall of the Old South ruined her life (6) Hidden plan – To bring the Old South back to life and living in the present day. (7) Major betrayal – Natalie steals her fiance.
———————————————————————————————II. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Caleb S.
(1) Secret identity = Sylvan Park Robin Hood | The Ghost – art thief | Savior (2) Character intrigue = Caleb’s loner, outsider vibe at school (3) Hidden relationships & conspiracies = his relationship with Lyderia (Raquel’s older sister) (4) Hidden Character history = frequent moves; people are after them, paranoid thanks to his mother’s fears
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Victoria M.
(1) Secret identity = (2) Character intrigue = (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history =
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Rick S.
(1) Secret identity = The Shepherd (2) Character intrigue = (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history = his dreams of Lyderia as a teen.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Charles S.
(1) Secret identity = (2) Character intrigue = (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history =
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Andrew
(1) Secret identity = (2) Character intrigue = (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history =
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Shuri
(1) Secret identity = (2) Character intrigue = (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history =
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Annabelle Lee
(1) Secret identity = Belle of the Ball (2) Character intrigue = Beneath the debutante facade, she is a powerful witch (3) Hidden relationships and conspiracies = (4) Hidden Character history = ———————————————————————————————III. Organize them each into a possible PLOT SEQUENCES reveals.
A. Plot Surface: Caleb is kidnapped by strange old man and a witch, get in a head-on collision & vanish. (1) Layer 1: Caleb, in hospital, psychically helps little boy; meets FBI agent assigned to him. (2) Layer 2: Caleb falls off roof, is unharmed. Leaves w/ cowboys on horses. Ride at supersonic speed. (3) Layer 3: FBI agent finds Caleb at crash site; he reads her thoughts; teleports off. Blows her mind. (4) Layer 4: Caleb communes with a buffalo in Yellowstone, FBI agent chases after Caleb.
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(1) Plot Surface: Victoria falls for Caleb (handsome son) of Natalie (a famous painter) (2) Layer 1: Victoria discovers Caleb is able to do a number of supernatural things. (3) Layer 2: She becomes his advocate; gets tangled up in his life and the law enforcement agencies (4) Layer 3: She is murdered and crosses over to Shangra La, where she meets up with Caleb. ————————–
(1) Plot Surface: Rick w/ his wife & daughter at home; has a psychic episode scares his wife, he ignores it (2) Layer 1: Rick is rescued by Charles as Andrew is about to drain him. (3) Layer 2: Rick’s new reality is brought about with the Riders and his joining their cause (4) Layer 3: Rick goes to the Sanctuary (Yellowstone) and becomes the Shepherd for new crossovers.
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(1) Plot Surface: Charles walking at side of road. Caleb in van passes by; he sends Victoria to save him. (2) Layer 1: Charles and Caleb rescue Rick from Carolyn (3) Layer 2: Charles goes to rescue Olivia and is imprisoned by Annabelle Lee (4) Layer 3:
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(1) Plot Surface: Andrew kidnaps g-g-g grandson, needs some of his life force. Gets in wreck & vanishes. (2) Layer 1: Andrew is blown up by Annabelle Lee and vanishes for half the season; shows up changed (3) Layer 2: Andrew returns to help/save Rick from the evil after the crossovers (4) Layer 3:
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(1) Plot Surface: Shuri a member of the Council of Elders (2) Layer 1: She realizes what is coming for them and takes matters into her own hands (3) Layer 2: Tries to help their plight, is jailed for what she did. (4) Layer 3: New reality, Shuri ascends to the next plane of existence, the Quorum
————————- (1) Plot Surface: Annabelle is talked about by Andrew; Natalie stole her man (2) Layer 1: Annabelle rescues Olivia from Andrew; only to enslave her at her plantation. (3) Layer 2: Annabelle and an old witch create a barrier around her plantation and it’s impenetrable (4) Layer 3:
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Character Name: Caleb Sutherland
Role: Protagonist – fated to become the leader of the good guys
[1] Hidden agendas: find Raquel in Shangra – La & be w/ her || Save Rick & gain his respect
[2] Competition: for leadership of the Riders, for Victoria’s affections in spite of her father
[3] Conspiracies: People are always after them, paranoid thanks to his mother’s fears
[4] Secrets: his psychic abilities: teleportation, telekinesis, reading minds
[5] Deception: deceiving Victoria on ‘why’ he is going to Shangra La
[6] Wound: death of Raquel & the subsequent death of his father
[7] Secret Identity: Sylvan Park Robin Hood | The Ghost – art thief | Savior
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Character Name: Charles Stewart
Role: Mentor – teacher and protector of Caleb and Rick
[1] Hidden agendas: Return to 1850s and be w/ Subira, his woman
[2] Competition: Alexander for Subira, a slave back in 1850
[3] Conspiracies: He and Natalie…
[4] Secrets: his immortality, his search for a way to return to Subira and the 1850s
[5] Deception: tricks Caleb into using his power to bring memories into reality so he can leave
[6] Wound: Death of Subira, outliving his whole family
[7] Secret Identity: Standfort’s bodyguard/mentor
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Character Name: Rick Sutherland
Role: shepherd – leader of the crossovers
[1] Hidden agendas:
[2] Competition: Ultra-competitive at everything, win-at-all-costs kind of guy.
[3] Conspiracies: He and Caleb….
[4] Secrets: ??
[5] Deception: ??
[6] Wound: Death of his wife and daughter
[7] Secret Identity: Shepherd
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Character Name: Tarek Swaine
Role: Riders 2<sup>nd</sup> in command
[1] Hidden agendas:
[2] Competition: ??
[3] Conspiracies: He and Caleb…
[4] Secrets: his past
[5] Deception: tricks the Riders into thinking he fought for the Union
[6] Wound: pregnant wife killed in the Civil War
[7] Secret Identity: One of Quantrill’s raiders in the Civil War
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Character Name: Shuri
Role: Council of Elder member
[1] Hidden agendas: 1. recreate a reality so the good guys win; 2. bring Shangra – La and Earth together w/out Feeders or Necros
[2] Competition: other members on the Council of Elders
[3] Conspiracies: with Victoria against Council of Elders
[4] Secrets: she is ascending
[5] Deception: tricks the Council of Elders…
[6] Wound: ??
[7] Secret Identity: Quorum member
————————————-
Character Name: Victoria
Role: Love Interest of Caleb
[1] Hidden agendas: Marry Caleb and become a mother; she wants a family
[2] Competition: the other women in Caleb’s life || his role as leader of the Riders
[3] Conspiracies: with Shuri against the Elders…
[4] Secrets: thanks to Shuri, being able to return to earth for week at a time
[5] Deception: Not on the pill, wants to become pregnant
[6] Wound: her mother’s death and the boy who filmed them having sex without her knowledge
[7] Secret Identity: human and a crossover, thanks to Shuri
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Module 1 – Lesson 9 – Open Loops – Assignment
Mike – Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of thinking and crafting season long mysteries, open looks, characters with intrigue and multiple layers to their person. Again, without thinking all these processes through, outlining, and building in the needed attributes, the TV show will NOT achieve a binge-worthy status.
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ASSIGNMENT 2: — Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.
I. GOALS:
(1) New goals?
(2) Goals related to the big picture?
(3) Crushed goals?
(4) Competition / conflict around goals?
I. Goals:
(1) Caleb has to warn, protect and prepare his brother, Rick, for what is coming their way.
(2) Prepare Rick for a global war with Necromancers
(3) Having a normal relationship with his soul-mate Victoria
(4) Nothing yet.
——————————————————————————————-
II. CONSEQUENCES:
(1) Are they going to be caught?
(2) What problems can be created from past actions?
(3) Good plans gone wrong?
II. Consequences:
(1) Caleb is being hunted by the FBI and Homeland Security Agency as is his mother
(2) Teleporting a lot, Caleb is on Homeland Security’s radar and they’re tracking him
(3) Caleb’s plan to reunite his family blows up w/ his dad’s death and his being a fugitive ——————————————————————————————-
III. SOLVING PROBLEMS:
(1) What is the major problem for this character?
(2) What are they trying to solve?
(3) Major change imposed on character?
(4) Previous solutions cause new problems?
III. Solving Problems:
(1) He is tender hearted, does not want to fight; is not a born leader
(2) How to prepare themselves and mankind for the upcoming war with Necromancers
(3) The war changes Caleb, he must make hard decisions, killing decisions
(4) nothing yet ——————————————————————————————–IV. RELATIONSHIPS:
(1) Relationships in peril?
(2) New relationships forming?
(3) Conflict inside relationships?
(4) Relationships changing?
IV. Relationships:
(1) Caleb’s girlfriend Victoria – in peril when her ex kills her; Caleb finds her in Shangra La
(2) Caleb meets Olivia, FBI agent, runs from her, she finds him, he lets her in his world, they bond
(3) nothing yet
(4) Caleb’s friendship with Lori becomes more ——————————————————————–
V. DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
(1) Can they survive X?
(2) Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions?
(3) Who else is pulled into their danger?
(4) Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?
V. Danger/Survival/Risks:
(1) Will Caleb survive the automobile crash?
(2) Caleb & Charles in rescuing Rick,
(3) Kidnappers go after Caleb’s brother, then take Olivia for leverage to draw Caleb out
(4) Will Caleb be swept up and taken to a black site by the NSA
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Module 1 – Lesson 8 – Inviting Obsession thru Mystery – Assignment
<hr width=”100%” size=”2″ align=”center”>Mike – Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is the critical importance of developing an overarching mystery that lasts an entire season. The question to answer is: What to leave in, what to leave out, and why. The immediate shocking event mystery is used to hook the audience; it MUST tie in with the larger, season-long mystery. Just like supporting characters to the protagonist, the smaller mysteries must tie in to the larger mystery even if obliquely.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
I. Create two mysteries for your show: one that shows up strong in the Pilot; the second one that is revealed over time.
(1) First mystery – protagonist’s kidnappers vanish the moment of impact. Protagonist saved by a ghost. (2) Larger mystery – Kidnappers and protagonist are not human, what are they, what do they want?
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II. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Shocking Event: Caleb is kidnapped, taken away in a van. It collides with another vehicle. The captors (driver and passenger) vanish upon impact. Cocooned in a chrysalis, the shape of like his girl, Victoria, Caleb is ejected from the wreckage. The big mystery is: “What are they? How is any of this possible?”
B. Secret: We, the audience, are not told about their immortality. We assume it is magic as the passenger in the van drew occult symbols on the van walls. Furthermore, what are Necromancers and why are they coming?
C. Investigation: FBI agent handling Caleb’s case, finds decades’ old fingerprints in the van. When she returns to the crash site, she finds Caleb there. She questions him regarding the driver and who he is. Caleb gives her glimpse into his world, his telepathic powers then vanishes (teleports off) in front of her.
D. Who-What-When-Where-Why and How:
WHO kidnapped Caleb?
WHAT Caleb was doing – enjoying time with a friend at a café when he was abducted.
WHEN: Immediately, happening in real time.
WHERE: Chained to the floor in a van as it races down a deserted state road.
HOW: Caleb was kidnapped in the bathroom of a local café by a man using magic.
E. Part Withheld: What we don’t know is what creates the mystery:
WHAT exactly did his kidnappers want to extract from Caleb: his soul, his life force?
WHO are these Necromancers that the kidnappers are scared of and running from? ——————————————————————————————-
II. Create the Over Time Mystery, tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Reveals: It starts with Caleb’s abduction, the interrogation and argument centered around his family, his beliefs, and the fear that the Necromancers are coming for them all.
B. Cover up: Necromancers, by the millions, are headed to earth. Their leader falls to earth, forms itself into a man and begins learning about our world. We learn it feeds off the dead to live, to grow stronger.
C. Secret: We, the audience, are not told why the Necromancers are coming to earth to wage war. Their end game (enslave man, breed humans for consumption) remains a mystery.
D. Investigation: Caleb, along with his ‘Riders,’ Charles, and the ‘Council of Elders’ figure out how to stop, or at least defend against the Necromancers attack.
E. Who-What-When-Where-Why and How:
WHO – the Necromancers are the byproduct of mankind’s negative emotions, banished to end of universe.
WHAT – Millions of negative/evil emotions have been trapped and evolving in banishment. WHEN – Council of Elders banished them eons ago.
WHERE – From Shangra La to the end of the universe.
HOW – they were freed by Danyak, an Immortal who wants to rule over earth.
F. Part Withheld: What we don’t know is what creates the mystery:
Shangra-La, a world coexisting with earth, a realm created by mankind’s spent emotions. A place where art, magic and music exist, there’s no machinery, no technology of any kind is responsible for the Necromancers.
G. Missing before final episodes:
WHY: It turns out the Necromancers are coming to earth to exact revenge for their banishment.
WHO: Council of Elders banished the Necromancers to the confines of deep space.
HOW: How were the Necromancers freed? (IDEA) Danyak put the initial rip in the fabric of time. He plans to use the Necromancers to defeat the humans. Once they’ve been defeated, he will eradicate the Necromancers using the ‘souls’ of the humans/crossovers he has been collecting thanks to the Feeders.
H. Ultimate Reveal: The Protagonist (Caleb) and his Riders discover a way to defeat the Necromancers.
I. Ultimate Reveal 2: We learn it was Danyak who set the Necromancers free!!
NOTE: We have the (1) Feeders, emotional vampires who have come to earth from Shangra La to form their own society; (2) Necromancers are returning to Earth to exact revenge upon Shangra La. Specifically, the Council of Elders for their banishment. Their end game is to enslave humans, breed them for food.
*Both of these evil entities are the end-product of man’s evil thoughts and emotions.
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Module 1 –Lesson 7: Empathy/Distress: The Binge Worthy Drug! – Assignment
Mike – Show Empathy & Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is how you draw your audience into the show, hook them through their emotions, not just the plot or gimmicky visuals. Your audience must identify, understand, and be able to ‘feel’ why your characters do what they do and what prompted/forced/ made them do it. Loved the validation that my “good guys” can do bad things for the right reasons or even misguided reasons. 🙂
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ASSIGNMENT 2:
1. Make a list of BIG PICTURE difficult situations and decisions your characters could make because of the main conflict of this series.
MAIN CONFLICT: War with Supernatural Creatures for Mankind’s Existence is coming… There are On-going Supernatural sub-conflicts:
SUB CONFLICTS: (1) Riders warring with Gunslingers; (2) Feeders leaving Shangra-La for Earth (3) Danyak, an immortal, trying to enslave earth; (4) Council of Elders’ political infighting and refusal to face the impending war with the Necromancers puts their realm at risk.
Question to ask: Knowing the concept(s), what are the big picture Empathy/Distress situations that could occur?
———————————————————————————–
A. Undeserved Misfortune = Undeserved misfortune causes the audience to feel deep sympathy for the character. Often, this will be the start of the journey for your guy.
Question to Ask. What misfortune can arise out of this story that the character doesn’t deserve? What are some of the worst things that could happen to them?
A. Undeserved misfortune –
(1) Kidnapped and nearly killed in the resulting car accident, Caleb ends up in ICU.
(2) Caleb’s girlfriend is murdered
(3) FBI and Homeland Security launch a nationwide manhunt for Caleb.
(4) Forced to leave school, his home, his life and girlfriend, Caleb must flee.
(5) His father’s cabin, Caleb’s childhood ‘place’ is blown up by the US Gov.
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B. External Character Conflicts = can be intentional or unintentional. Intentional conflicts will often be attacks on other characters. Unintentional conflicts might be things the characters can’t help, like addiction or love affairs, or mistakes the characters didn’t mean to make.
Question to Ask: How can the characters cause distress for each other and have the audience feel for them?
(B) External Character conflicts –
(1) Intentional – Caleb is kidnapped because of who he is and what he can do.
(2) Unintentional – FBI agent develops feelings for and falls in love with Caleb
(3) Unintentional – Caleb’s need for love ruins the FBI agent’s career, life, etc.
(4) Unintentional – Caleb’s girlfriend has an unstable ex-boyfriend who kills her
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C. Plot Intruding On Life = The lead character is driven to accomplish a major goal or avoid some major problem. The job is to make it as difficult as possible for that character to succeed. To do that, you must create difficult situations that will be major obstacles for the character.
Question to Ask: What situations could intrude on your hero’s life and plan?
(C) Plot intruding on life –
(1) Caleb’s falling in love is complicated by: what he can do & the secrets he keeps.
(2) Victoria’s father, sic’s the local police on Caleb as he does not like/trust him.
(3) The restraining order the father serves Caleb, makes seeing Victoria harder.
(4) Caleb’s psychic abilities allow him to see/feel read Victoria’s mind; her love is real
(5) The kidnapping puts Caleb on the FBI’s radar, agent in charge complicates things.
(6) As leader of the Riders, Caleb has to be gone, lie about it, & is sometimes wounded.
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D. Moral Dilemmas = A dilemma is a choice where either decision causes some kind of pain or loss. Add a moral issue to it and the intensity goes up.
Question to Ask: What painful choice can I give the character that will have negative consequences on either side?
(D) Moral dilemmas –
(1) Caleb does not like lying to his girl, but does so to protect her and himself.
(2) Caleb does not believe in taking a life, but must as the shadow war intensifies.
(3) As a leader, Caleb has to make choices & sacrifices that cause pain and loss.
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E. Forced Decisions They’d Never Make = It’s goes against everything the person stands for.
Question to Ask: What decision would this character never make? What situation could force them to make that decision?
(E) Forced decisions they would never make –
(1) Caleb’s forces take refuge and join with the coven to repel the Necromancers.
(2) Caleb bonds/melds w/ Annabelle Lee (leader of coven) her magic, his powers.
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ASSIGNMENT 2:
Mike – Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment was how to set up and frame each of the characters to interact while supporting the hero’s journey and the season’s overall theme. I like the ability to juxtapose the ‘surface’ relationship with the subtext and the emotional and psychological drivers for the various characters actions and reactions to events and stimuli.
[I] Create a Relationship Map for THREE lead characters from YOUR SHOW IDEA. I created it, cannot upload it here in this forum.
[II] Using the Relationship map, pick a main character (place in upper left hand corner), and with each character he or she is in relationship with, give us the 6 relationship experiences listed below:
[1] Surface: How does the relationship appear on the surface? Are they teammates, competitors, drinking buddies, married couple, business partners, co-anchors, friends, or what?
[2] Common Ground: What do they have in common? Job, school, friends, goals, needs, values, beliefs, experience, background, common enemies, etc.. Look for what these two share. Even if they hate each other, they likely have something in common. It will all come in handy as you write the show.
[3] Conflict: What things, issues, or situations will they fight about? Power, control, property, relationships, jealousy, competition, betrayal, different political views, physical conflicts, etc. *First look for the big conflicts because those will be the ones that run throughout the entire season.
[4] History: What is the past of this relationship that makes it what it is today? Are they old lovers? Did they fight like cats and dogs? Was one superior to the other? Did one betray the other? There may be thousands of details, but *you are looking for the moments that define this relationship.
[5] Subtext: What is under the surface, hidden, or covert? Unexpressed love or hate, competition, schemes, or maybe it is a secret that has been present the whole time, but won’t come out until the season finale!
[6] Relationship Arc: Where does the relationship start at the beginning of the series and end at the completion of the season? From friends to enemies. From unknown to lovers. From competitors to partners. From suspicion to believing in each other. Think of how the relationship changes by the end of the season.
====================================================================A. Lead character: Caleb Sutherland (relationship with Victoria)
(1) Surface = How does this relationship appear on the surface? Physical attraction and an instant chemistry. Hesitation on Caleb’s part due to his past. Victoria’s compassion overcomes his fears.
(2) Common Ground = What do they have in common? Go to same school, both lost a loved one, both need love, both believe in helping others: Caleb, special needs kids, Victoria, stray animals.
(3) Conflict = What things, issues, or situations will they fight about? US government: Caleb distrusts it, Victoria believes in it || People: Caleb is trusting; Victoria is suspicious || Politics: Caleb sees it as all a power grab; Victoria is conservative, believes in the Constitution ||
(4) History = What is the past of this relationship that makes it what it is today? They just met, but they share the pain of losing a loved one and they both share a deep-seated need to help the less fortunate.
(5) Subtext = What is under the surface, hidden, or covert? Caleb’s powers, a secret that has been present the whole time and which he shares with Victoria after they become lovers.
(6) Relationship Arc = Where does the relationship start at the beginning of the series and end at the completion of the season? It starts at the beginning of the series. Unknown to lovers. From curiosity to believing in each other.
=============================================================== B. Do the same process for the second lead character
Second lead character: Victoria Lynn Musgrave (relationship with Caleb)
(1) Surface = How does this relationship appear on the surface? Physical attraction and an instant chemistry. Caleb’s hesitation and loneliness attracts her as she is drawn to ‘strays.’
(2) Common Ground = What do they have in common? Go to same school, both lost a loved one, both need love, both believe in helping others: Caleb, special needs kids, Victoria, stray animals.
(3) Conflict = What things, issues, or situations will they fight about? US government: Caleb distrusts it, Victoria believes in it || People: Caleb is trusting; Victoria is suspicious || Politics: Caleb sees it as all a power grab; Victoria is conservative, believes in the Constitution ||
(4) History = What is the past of this relationship that makes it what it is today? They just met, but they share the pain of losing a loved one and they both share a deep-seated need to help the less fortunate.
(5) Subtext = What is under the surface, hidden, or covert? Her wanting a family, wanting to be a mother.
(6) Relationship Arc = Where does the relationship start at the beginning of the series and end at the completion of the season? Unknown to lovers. From curiosity to believing in each other.
============================================================== C. Do the same process for the third lead character
Third lead character: Charles Stewart (relationship with Caleb)
(1) Surface = How does this relationship appear on the surface? Friend of the family, butleresque,
(2) Common Ground = What do they have in common? Family and background. Charles is the grandfather Caleb never had. Similar beliefs, family experiences and background.
(3) Conflict = What things, issues, or situations will they fight about? Caleb’s powers and abilities. Charles wants him to practice, to prepare for war. Power, Charles tells him it is the one universal constant in all living creatures, the undead ones too. Competition, will always exist so long as their limited supplies and resources… Caleb wants there to be harmony, that power and competition are just two words that mean greed.
(4) History = What is the past of this relationship that makes it what it is today? Charles raised and taught Caleb a number of things: music, his abilities, how to step back and watch to learn.
(5) Subtext = What is under the surface, hidden, or covert? Charles is grooming Caleb for the war against the Necromancers, the Coven all the evil that is circling mankind.
(6) Relationship Arc = Where does the relationship start at the beginning of the series and end at the completion of the season? Trusted mentor and grandfatherly to savior and tutor as the war begins.
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Module 1 – Lesson 5: – Assignment
Mike – Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment It allows you to create scenarios that will further the theme of the show while advancing the character(s) emotional arc. I can see real possibilities moving forward for several of my characters. Coming from the business world, I always did a SWOT analysis on each of my characters, but this takes the idea to a whole new level. Thank you!
A. Situational: Hope/Fear “Hope” is a goal or dream. They make decisions & take actions so it will come true. “Fear” is a worry or danger they live with. They either prepare to protect themselves, or they go out of their way not to take certain actions so it won’t occur.
Caleb: Hopes: to reunite his family / Fear: Law enforcement will discover him and/or his mom.
Rick: Hopes: to grow his firm and get rich / Fear: who and what he is, will get in the way.
Victoria: Hopes: to find real love / Fear: she will die young like her mother.
Charles: Hopes: to find a way to return to his time / Fear: he will never get to go back in time.
Shuri: Hopes: to rewrite history / Fear: evil will win no matter what she does to stop it.
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B. Motivation: Wants/Need = “Want” is a key desire present most of the time. “Need” is much deeper. It is something we lack inside that must be fulfilled for us to feel okay about ourselves.
Caleb: Wants to help the less fortunate: mentally & financially / Needs: Love and Validation.
Rick: Wants success, riches / Needs: respect and control (this changes to pay for his sins)
Victoria: Wants to be in love and loved/ Needs: to become a mother & start a family.
Charles: Wants to become a father / Needs: to return to his world & marry his girl.
Shuri: Wants to fix the world/ Needs: to rewrite reality so ‘good’ has a chance of winning.
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C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask = “Base emotions” lie under the surface at all times, flare up when stressed. A “Mask” is a persona it’s used to cover the negative emotion.
Caleb: Base emotion: quiet loner / Public mask: special needs student
Rick: Base emotion: obsessive ego / Public mask: successful business man
Victoria: Base emotion: hurt, needing love / Public mask: sweet school girl
Charles: Base emotion: sadness /Public mask: kind old man
Shuri: Base emotion: fear and inadequacy /Public mask: Defender of all that is good
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D. Weaknesses = (1) an area of deficiency, (2) a lack of understanding or skills, or (3) a character flaw.
Caleb: weakness – head in the clouds, won’t see the bad in people
Rick: weakness – stubborn, refuses to face who and what he is until it’s too late
Victoria: weakness – fear of change, fear of loss
Charles: weakness – ignorant about today’s world; lives in the past
Shuri: weakness – need to control the future
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E. Triggers = cause them to lose control emotionally; it’s not just an irritant; this is the one thing that will always set them off.
Caleb: triggers: death of Raquel = terrified of being in cars || Dad’s death = fear of loss i
Rick: triggers: fear of poverty = his phobia || his brother & mom = source of embarrassment
Victoria: triggers: Mother dying young || her abortion – the dick in Phx.|| Dad’s affair later on
Charles: triggers: he is very claustrophobic = his phobia || men yelling at women, he sees red
Shuri: triggers: hidden agendas and liars, it’s why she hates council of elders for that reason.
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F. Coping Mechanism = Their knee jerk reaction when stressed? As the stress rises, they are more likely to go to some type of coping mechanism because their regular way of being no longer works.
Caleb: coping mechanism – running away, fleeing; shutting down
Rick: coping mechanism – fight back, go on the offensive
Victoria: coping mechanism – distract, focus time and energy elsewhere
Charles: coping mechanism – analyze; look for solutions, problem solve
Shuri: coping mechanism – analyze, strategize and manipulating
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Module 1 – Lesson 4: Layers of Character Intrigue – Assignments
Mike – Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that without layers and depth, your character will be flat, predictable, and your audience will become bored with him/her and by extension the show. It is the characters in a show that make or break a TV series, not the plot! Characters must have layers like an onion.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
1. Think about your Example Show, “White Collar.” Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.
Character Name: Neil
Role: FBI Consultant
Hidden agendas: find his girlfriend,
Competition: with all the at-large white-collar criminals, other FBI agents in the field
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: his relationship with Mozzie, underground, underworld person
Deception: ?
Wound: loss of his girlfriend, crooked cop for a father.
Secret Identity: world best thief
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Character Name: Peter
Role: FBI Agent, Neil’s handler
Hidden agendas: make points with the upper FBI brass w/ his arrest record via Neil.
Competition: other FBI agents across the country working white collar crime division
Conspiracies: Neil is still in touch and working with the criminals
Secrets: Information on Neil’s girlfriend
Deception: pretends ignorant around Neil
Wound: imagined loss of face if his pilot program with Neil fails.
Secret Identity: ?
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ASSIGNMENT 2
1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.
Character Name: Caleb Sutherland
Role: Protagonist – fated to become the leader of the good guys
[1] Hidden agendas: find Raquel in Shangra – La & be w/ her || Save Rick & gain his respect
[2] Competition: for leadership of the Riders, for Victoria’s affections
[3] Conspiracies: US Government is after them, paranoid thanks to his mother’s fears
[4] Secrets: his psychic abilities: teleportation, telekinesis, reading minds
[5] Deception: deceiving Victoria on ‘why’ he is going to Shangra La
[6] Wound: death of Raquel & the subsequent death of his father
[7] Secret Identity: Sylvan Park Robin Hood | The Savior
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Character Name: Charles Stewart
Role: Mentor – teacher and protector of Caleb and Rick
[1] Hidden agendas: Return to 1850s and be w/ Subira, his woman
[2] Competition: Alexander for Subira, a slave back in 1850
[3] Conspiracies: He and Natalie…
[4] Secrets: his immortality, his search for a way to return to Subira and the 1850s
[5] Deception: tricks Caleb into using his power to bring memories into reality so he can leave
[6] Wound: Death of Subira, outliving his whole family
[7] Secret Identity: Standforts bodyguard/mentor
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Character Name: Rick Sutherland
Role: shepherd – leader of the crossovers
[1] Hidden agendas:
[2] Competition: Ultra-competitive at everything, win-at-all-costs kind of guy.
[3] Conspiracies: He and Caleb….
[4] Secrets: ??
[5] Deception: ??
[6] Wound: Death of his wife and daughter
[7] Secret Identity: Shepherd
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Character Name: Tarek Swaine
Role: Riders 2<sup>nd</sup> in command
[1] Hidden agendas:
[2] Competition: ??
[3] Conspiracies: He and Caleb…
[4] Secrets: his past
[5] Deception: tricks the Riders into thinking he fought for the Union
[6] Wound: pregnant wife killed in the Civil War
[7] Secret Identity: One of Quantrill’s raiders in the Civil War
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Character Name: Shuri
Role: Council of Elder member
[1] Hidden agendas: 1. recreate a reality so the good guys win; 2. bring Shangra – La and Earth together w/out Feeders or Necros
[2] Competition: other members on the Council of Elders
[3] Conspiracies: with Victoria against Council of Elders
[4] Secrets: she is ascending
[5] Deception: tricks the Council of Elders…
[6] Wound: ??
[7] Secret Identity: Quorum member
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Character Name: Victoria
Role: Love Interest of Caleb
[1] Hidden agendas: Marry Caleb and become a mother; she wants a family
[2] Competition: the other women in Caleb’s life || his role as leader of the Riders
[3] Conspiracies: with Shuri against the Elders…
[4] Secrets: thanks to Shuri, being able to return to earth for week at a time
[5] Deception: ??
[6] Wound: her mother’s death and the boy who filmed her without her knowledge
[7] Secret Identity: A person living in/confined to Shangra La
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MODULE ONE – DAY THREE – ASSIGNMENTS:
Mike – Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment as it pertains to lead characters – it is how their roles/ journeys and the story line are linked by the TV show’s over-arching theme. The ‘traits’ of each main character need to contribute to the protagonist’s journey: his maturation or decline as a person, while simultaneously adding to the plotline in a believable manner.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
A. Role in the show:
Peter: FBI agent who is Neil’s handler, he has a vested interest in seeing the program work. Neil: Art expert/thief who is working for the FBI in order to finish out his prison sentence.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Neil: Expertise: Knows art, the art world and the thieves who operate in that world. || Purpose: To thwart the art thieves, to work off his remaining prison sentence as an FBI consultant/informant. Irony: Using an art thief and convicted felon to apprehend other art thieves. Peter: Expertise: Understands Neil as he studied him, pursued him and captured him. || Purpose: To be Neil’s mentor.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Peter: He is using Neil’s art expertise and experience as a world-class thief to solve white-collar crimes, Additionally, he is using his badge, and (Neil) his informant, to apprehend white-collar criminals. Neil: He is an art thief who is hiding his affiliation with the FBI from various thieves and acquaintances in the art world.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Peter: Is it ethical to put Neil in harm’s way in order to apprehend thieves. Neil: By bending, breaking and ignoring Peter’s ‘rules’ as an FBI informant/consultant, will Neil’s extracurricular activities be found, will he be sent back to prison?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Neil: With each case, he is tempted by the world-class jet-setting lifestyle. It is a temptation he must continually fight. Peter: Suspicious of Neil, Peter thinks the worst of him at every turn. Despite the dozens of cases that Neil solves for the FBI, Peter’s self-fulfilling prophecy chaffs Neil.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Neil: Given a second chance, Neil’s upbeat demeanor, innate charm, and mercurial behavior has the audience hoping (fingers crossed) that Neil doesn’t give into temptation and go back to that way of life. With each successful case, Neil learns what friendship means, what being part of something bigger and better than yourself entails. Peter: He has his reputation and career on the line for Neil and the program he is overseeing. Peter is in his own, heavy-handed way trying to ‘help’ Neil and show him there is a better life.
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ASSIGNMENT 2:
I. Tell us the journey of your show. From a young man recovering from the death of a loved one, to “a savior” who leads a group of the psychically-gifted individuals in a shadow war for earth’s continued existence.
II. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
A. Caleb Sutherland – (protagonist) A reluctant messiah who learns to embrace his powers to elude capture and to take his place among those like him, the Riders, in preparing for the upcoming Armageddon.
B. Victoria Musgrave – (Caleb’s love interest) Attracted to the mystery that is Caleb, her need to help strays, to bring out the best in people, draws Caleb to her.
C. Charles Stewart – (Caleb’s mentor) a “Runner” and an old friend of the family who fights against those who wish to use & corrupt Caleb and Rick.
III. Answer these questions for each of those characters.
A. Role in the show:
1. Caleb: Young man who is tasked/forced to lead a group of psychically-gifted people against an evil that is set on enslaving all of humanity.
2. Victoria: To love Caleb, keep him grounded and to keep the burden of responsibility and the weight of tragedy from crushing our newfound hero.
3. Charles: Mentor, friend and guide to both Caleb and Rick. He saves several of the main characters from themselves.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
1. Caleb: Expertise: born with extraordinary psychic powers. || Purpose: Use these inherited gifts to save mankind from enslavement. Irony: It is love and the creation of life, not weapons of war that save the day.
2. Victoria: Expertise: Able to sense and help people who are hurting and/or in need. || Purpose: To save Caleb from all that he faces both internally and externally. || Irony: her compassion gets her killed.
3. Charles: Expertise: Understanding of what they face, what their powers are and how to develop them || Purpose: To train Caleb and his men to fight, to be prepared for the upcoming war.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
1. Caleb: He is leading the ‘Riders’ in their battles, using his powers and hiding it from Victoria.
2. Victoria: Is in love with Caleb and keeps his secrets from her control-freak father and others.
3. Charles: His brief affair w/ Caleb’s mother, his ability to see a person’s future, his desire to return to the 1850s and his fiancé.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
1. Caleb: By using his powers to help to heal, will he reveal his kind to the general public.
2. Victoria: by befriending Caleb, will her affair with him destroy her relationship w/ her dad. Worse, will it provoke her unstable ex-boyfriend to retaliate.
3. Charles Stewart: By wanting to go back in time to save his fiancé, what consequences will there be by altering the future
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
1. Caleb: Lets his love for Victoria and his drive to help others cloud his judgment, he is reckless.
2. Victoria: Reacts emotionally and like Caleb her desire to help ‘strays’ creates issues.
3. Charles Stewart: He looks at life like a game of checkers, moves w/ the big picture in mind; doesn’t see the immediate costs.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
1. Caleb: Unasked for gifts and the burden that comes with them. He is fated to lead the forces of good against the evil set on enslaving all of mankind. He has a big heart, is both idealistic and a romantic. Who can’t get behind a person like that.
2. Victoria: Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted. A young woman who lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her.
3. Charles: Sacrificed a life to watch over the Standfort family. Lonely and alone, he is nevertheless, totally committed to watching over and training Caleb and his brother.
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MODULE ONE – DAY TWO – ASSIGNMENTS:
Mike – Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of separating out the various characters and then thinking and shaping them to contribute in some way to the hero’s arc as he journeys forward.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see how the characters fit into these three circles:
A. Main Characters Circle: Neil Caffrey (protagonist), Peter Burke (FBI handler) Mozzie (Neil’s friend and conman)
B. Connected Circle: Elizabeth Burke, Diana Berrigan, Diahann Carroll, Alex Hunter, Matthew Keller, Rebeca Lowe,
C. Environment Circle: FBI agents, art world patrons and collectors, white-collar thieves, 100s of characters
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ASSIGNMENT 2:
I. Create the three circles of characters for your show.
A. Main Characters Circle:
Caleb Sutherland
Rick Sutherland
Natalie Sutherland
Charles Stewart
Victoria Lynn Musgrave
B. Connected Circle:
Alexis Harlin
Andrew Sutherland
Annabelle Lee
Bruce Holland (Homeland Security Director)
Carolyn Westfall (leader of the gunslingers)
Corrina (leader of the Feeders)
Danyak & Kristin
Gwen
Jenkins (Homeland Security)
Johnny Lee
JR (Kadija’s dad)
Kadija
Lori Meyer
Luke Sutherland
Lydia Lyderia (Raquel’s older sister)
Olivia Megalos (FBI agent)
Raquel Lyderia (Caleb’s 1<sup>st</sup> love – killed in car wreck)
Rudy Coonrod (Homeland Security)
Special Agent Olivia
Sherry Durbin
Tarek Swaine
Tiffany Walker
C. Environment Circle:
GT’s Diner customers & employees, High-school staff & students, Shangri La residents, FBI employees, Homeland Security employees, 100s of characters.
II. Give us a one sentence description of each of the Main Characters.
Caleb Sutherland – (protagonist) handsome, haunted, a reluctant hero forced to save two worlds.
Rick Sutherland – (protagonist’s brother) Hyper-competitive, his refusal to acknowledge his supernatural abilities leads to his wife and daughter’s murder.
Natalie Sutherland – (Protagonist’s mother) A famous, eccentric artist who lives for art & the creation of life itself.
Charles Stewart — Caleb’s mentor, a man who reflects before he reacts, and an old friend of the Sutherland family.
Victoria Musgrave – (protagonist’s Love Interest) Attracted to the mystery that is Caleb, her need to help strays, to bring out the best in people, draws Caleb to her.
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Hello – hello… Name’s Mike.
I’m really glad to be a part of this class. Reading over all your bios and accomplishments makes me realize just how much talent there is in the world. Like air, it’s all around you, invisible and taken for granted until you slow your roll and breathe with meaning.
Having worked twenty years in the corporate world as a Marketing Director and CFO, I moonlighted as an artist: writing, reading and taking classes at night. It was a bipolar existence. Three piece suit and tie by day, jeans, tank-top and sandals after hours. Different friends, different parts of town.
I have written five TV pilots, (coming-of-age dramas, para-psychological, supernatural) ten feature length films. At the moment, I have a Christmas script and a television pilot with a talent agency.
I went through Hal’s master course last year, and it was incredible the amount of information, insights and experience he brought to the class.
If I can offer one piece of advice, it would be do NOT fall behind. Work through each exercise and even if you can’t give it your all on a given day, don’t shine it on.
Wishing everyone the very best.
To quote Hemingway, “There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” 🙂 -
Subject line: “White Collar” 5 Star Model.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of developing in tandem an intriguing character that can draw an audience into his/her world, and crafting a plot that propels the protagonist into a world filled with conflict, intrigue and storyline questions.
TV SHOW – “White Collar”
[1] Big Picture Hooks – What is the big hook of this show? Can Neil, a convicted felon, become an asset for the FBI and not give into temptation.
[2] Amazing and Intriguing Character Neil is charming, intelligent and knows the art world.
[3] Empathy / Distress Neil is in hopelessly in love with a woman whom he cannot find.
[4] Layers / Open Loops Will Neil be able to stay the course and not give into temptation? Similarly, will he be able to find his girlfriend and find out why she went into hiding? Can the FBI Agent, his handler, give him a fair shake?
[5] Inviting Obsession Given a second chance will Neil, a convicted felon, rise above his nature? As one of the best forgers and art thieves in the world, can he rise above his ego and that lifestyle?
II. Watching the pilot episode a second time.
[1] Big Picture Hooks – The plot is number #3 (a pro on a mission in a bigger world) Neil in WHITE COLLAR, is one of the most accomplished art thieves and forgers in the world. He is a thief employed by the FBI to catch art thieves, many of whom he knows and/or has worked with in the past.
[2] Amazing and Intriguing Character – Neil, a convicted felon and protagonist, is extraordinarily good-looking, charming and we the audience voyeuristically imagine ourselves in his shoes. Neither bitter nor a user, his kind-heartedness and come-what-may air is intoxicating.
[3] Empathy/Distress – Neil is pining over a lost love, sure something nefarious has occurred. Additionally, He has moments of weakness, where temptation nearly gets the best of him.
[4] Layers/Open Loops – Besides Neil’s obsession with his lost love, he also must rise above the temptation to return to the jet-setting, playboy world of a fugitive with money and the means to stay ahead of the law. The missing girl friend is an open loop as it his past and the people he used to know.
[5] Inviting Obsession – Neil’s love of art, the thrill of planning a heist and all that lifestyle entails is always in the back of his mind.
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GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I, Michael O’Keefe, will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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(I apologize for the tardiness. I took my family on an end of summer vacation!!)
Lesson 8 – Being a Star at Pitch Fests! – Assignment
Mike O – Pitch Fest Pitch
What I have learned doing this is shorter is key. Being succinct, follow the process and keep it focused on the “hooks”
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Create your entire Pitch Fest Pitch.
1. Tell us your credibility. I have written a number of feature film scripts and television pilots, several of which have won semi-finalist and Best Screenplay recognition in various contests. I worked with Cynthia Whitcomb, former professor, UCLA Film School, who has sold more than 70 feature-length screenplays, 25 of which have been filmed. In her words, “It’s time to market your work. It’s ready and so are you.”
2. Tell us your genre and title. “Christmas Trimmings” is a holiday romance script.
3. What is your one or two sentence hook? Brooklyn learns her estranged father has died. A workaholic homebody, she must travel cross-country and settle her father’s affairs. It will require her to overcome her feelings of abandonment, outsmart a sociopathic employee and accept her father’s posthumous love which changes her thoughts on life, love and what comes next.
4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
4a. What is the budget range? Low budget: $1 million to $5 million,
4b. What actors do you like for the lead roles? Protagonist – Brooklyn = Sara Canning Supporting Character: best friend and mentor – Carolyn = Rosamund Pike Antagonist – Richard = Mark Pellegrino
4c. Give me the acts of the story.
4d. How does it end? (setup / payoff). The antagonist is outsmarted by the protagonist. He is beat at his own game.
4e. Credibility questions What have you done? I have written a number of feature film scripts and television pilots, several of which have won semi-finalist and Best Screenplay recognition in various contests. I worked with Cynthia Whitcomb, former professor, UCLA Film School, who has sold more than 70 feature-length screenplays, 25 of which have been filmed. In her words, “It’s time to market your work. It’s ready and so are you.”
NOTE: even though we’ve presented this as the Pitch Fest Pitch, you will also use this structure for pitches you do on Skype, or in your initial meetings with producers. The most important thing here is that you are giving them the exact information they need in the order they need it. You are presenting your pitch the way a producer’s brain works.
(1) Credibility (2) Genre (3) Title (4) Main Hook that will sell the movie (5) Answer questions
If you pitch the way they think, you will have much more success as a screenwriter. Have fun doing this assignment. It will make a big difference in your pitching!
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Lesson 6 – Turning Hooks Into A Great Synopsis – Assignment
Mike O – Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of piquing the reader’s interest in as few words as possible. Hooks are the difference-maker between getting your script read and having it passed over.
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1. Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.
Opening Hook: A gifted artist, who converses with her father’s ghost, discovers her muse has a home address!
Hook #2: Brooklyn’s legal obligation turns into a series of life-changing revelations.
Hook #3: A stairwell lined with photographs reveals the fact her father has been following Brooklyn’s life since the divorce.
Hook #4: ‘Return To Sender’ written in her mother’s handwriting results in a gut-wrenching epiphany
Hook #5: On the heels of that sickening discovery, the sound of the doorbell.
Hook #6 Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man and his two sons.
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2. Organize those hooks into a sequence that makes sense for the story.
Opening Hook: A gifted artist, who converses with her father’s ghost, discovers her muse has a home address!
Hook #2: Brooklyn’s legal obligation turns into a series of life-changing revelations.
Hook #3: A stairwell lined with photographs reveals the fact her father has been following Brooklyn’s life since the divorce.
Hook #4: ‘Return To Sender’ written in her mother’s handwriting results in a gut-wrenching epiphany
Hook #5: On the heels of that sickening discovery, the sound of the doorbell.
Hook #6 Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man and his two sons.
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3. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.
Brooklyn discovers her dad is not a ghost. Her long lost father has a home address!
A gifted artist, Brooklyn’s muse, her father, surfaces a week before Christmas. Hope is quickly extinguished as Joshua’s greeting card is trumped by a certified letter informing Brooklyn she is the executor of her father’s estate!
‘Love’ and ‘loss’ are interchangeable, four-letter words that begin with “L” in her eyes. Brooklyn’s legal obligation turns into a series of life-changing revelations.
Charming, manipulative, and a sociopath, the antagonist lies to Brooklyn: about her dad’s gallery, about their business relationship, about a lot.
Brooklyn learns that ‘lies’ is another four-letter word she must face.
At her father’s cabin, a stairwell lined with photographs reveals Joshua has been following Brooklyn’s life since the divorce.
In a closet, the reason for Joshua’s silence is discovered in a shoebox. And as Brooklyn rifles through the letters and greeting cards addressed to her, she stares at the words: ‘Return To Sender,’ written across each of the envelopes.
Her mother’s handwriting is unmistakable.
As Brooklyn takes in the deception, there is a knock at the door followed by giggling. She finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man with two, small sons: in for the holidays, unaware of her father’s death.
Hijinks ensue.
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Lesson 5: High Concepts and Elevator Pitches – Assignment
Mike O – High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of being succinct while marketing your script to producers and managers.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
*A gifted painter finds her father too late, discovers her mother’s deception after the fact, and is left to reconcile and come to terms while falling love at Christmas.
* Use of Dilemma: A father’s posthumous love, the deception of a recently deceased mother, leaves their only child alone to reconcile and forgive while forging her career and finding love at Christmas.
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2. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
* Elevator pitch:
A gifted artist, who converses with her father’s ghost, discovers her muse has a home address!
Hope is quickly extinguished as his Christmas card is trumped by a certified letter informing Brooklyn she is the executor of her father’s estate.
Brooklyn’s legal obligation turns into a series of life-changing revelations.
At her father’s cabin, a stairwell lined with photographs reveals the fact her father has been following Brooklyn’s life since the divorce.
In a closet, the reason for his absence is found in a shoe-box filled with old letters. In her mother’s handwriting, the words: “Return to Sender” is written across each of the envelopes.
The sickening discovery is followed by the sound of the doorbell.
Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man and his two sons: in for the holidays, unaware of her father’s death.
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Lesson 4 -The 10 Most Interesting Things – Assignment
Mike O – Ten Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is a script must entice a producer as well as an audience. It has to be “marketable” and you need to give the prospective producer as many marketable ideas and slants as possible so that he “gets” it.
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I. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:
The more succinct you can be, the better. Most of the interesting things you pitch can be said in a single sentence. Some can be said in 3 or 4 words. Succinct often equals more powerful.
a. Protagonist clings to childhood memories of her estranged father for artistic inspiration.
b. She carries on entire conversations with his ghost.
c. Protagonist receives a Christmas card from her father. Suddenly, her ghost has a home address!
d. Instead of an olive branch, it turns out to be her father’s last correspondence.
e. ‘Love’ and ‘loss’ are both four-letter words that begin with “L” in the protagonist’s eyes.
f. Managing her loss means she must make a stand and embrace the changes taking place.
g. Charming, manipulative and a sociopath, the antagonist lies to the protagonist about a lot.
h. Protagonist learns “lies” is the third, four-letter word she must overcome; the trifecta so to speak.
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[1] What is most unique about your villain and hero?
Our hero, a sheltered painter who clings to childhood memories of her estranged father for artistic inspiration, imagines him beside her, whenever Brooklyn paints and carries on entire conversations with his ghost.
Week before Christmas, she receives a greeting card from him. Suddenly, her long, lost ghost has a home address!
Our Villain is manipulative, gracious and easily charms people. He has dozens of acquaintances, but no true friends. He possesses a great eye for artistic talent and has ‘discovered’ a number of artists. In truth, Richard has no innate talent himself and this failing drives him to compensate in other ways.
Both villain and hero want the same thing, the art gallery owned by Joshua, Brooklyn’s father. While our hero vacillates on whether or not she wants to sell the place, our villain plants doubt, lies, and forges documents to make it appear he was a partner in the gallery.
Joshua’s posthumous love for his daughter prompts Brooklyn to keep the gallery. It is his legacy, a connection the two share, if only after the fact. Her decision proves to be the villain’s tipping point as he steals the gallery’s best art pieces, then burns the place to the ground.
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[2] Major hook of your opening scene? Your opening scene may start with a bang or it may end with a twist. We aren’t looking for the drama here, but instead, for the one thing that is most interesting!
Major Hook: “Hope springs eternal for Brooklyn. Unfortunately, instead of an olive branch, it turns out to be her father’s last correspondence as she receives a certified letter later that evening informing Brooklyn of his passing. “ (The Juxtaposition of our hero’s joy over receiving a Christmas card from her estranged father, with the audience knowing the man died after sending the greeting card.)
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[3] Any turning points? In general, every turning point has some type of twist or surprising moment…or at least they should. This is a moment of change; therefore, it could be a candidate for one of your interesting things.
At her father’s cabin, Brooklyn discovers ‘lies’ is another four-letter word that begins with ‘L’ when she finds a shoebox filled with letters addressed to her. Written across each one, the words: ‘return to sender’ in her mother’s handwriting. For the second time in as many days, Brooklyn’s world is flipped on its head.
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[4] Emotional dilemma? State the character’s emotional dilemma in a single “either/or” statement…and make sure it really is a difficult or impossible choice.
Does Brooklyn remain single and pursue her blossoming career or does she forsake the big city and embrace the love of a man from a small mountain town.
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[5] Major twists? Any major twist carries surprise and change with it. Give us the Setup / Twist.
Will Brooklyn end her romance with the man she just met and sidle up to the wealthy art patron who loves her work. She flies back to Chicago to meet with him, giving the audience the allusion she will follow in her mother’s footsteps and forsake love for financial security.
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[6] Reversals? A reversal causes us to go in the opposite direction. State it powerfully as a “Setup / Reversal.”
Brooklyn’s behavior at the wealthy, art patron’s party gives the illusion that Brooklyn is going in the opposite/wrong direction.
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[7] Character betrayals? – Betrayals are both shocking and emotional. If set up well, these can engage readers on a deep level.
Brooklyn’s mother – her deception and the lies she told about Brooklyn’s father. Similarly, the fact she returned all her father’s letters addressed to Brooklyn without Brooklyn ever knowing he was attempting to stay in contact with her.
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[8] Or any big surprises? The structure for a surprise is “Setup / Surprise.” Tell us the normal situation, then the big change that surprises us.
Brooklyn setting up the antagonist at the climax. Their final showdown reveals Brooklyn has learned to use another person’s foibles against him/her in order to arrive at the truth.
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II. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.
1. Minimal # of locations: Warehouse renovated into a work studio, a mountain cabin, small art gallery.
2. Small cast: protagonist, antagonist, love interest, a best friend and two supporting actors.
3. CGC: Only one or two scenes where a momentary “ghost” must appear.
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Lesson 3 – What Do Managers & Producers Need? – Assignment
Mike O – Producer/Manager
What I learned today is that they have very different roles and therefore different approaches must be used if you are to secure either a producer and/or manager.
Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model? Answer two questions:
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
Understanding what a producer wants/needs is crucial. I would present myself as a writer with marketable projects that are well written. List the scripts, their respective genres, the awards at contests and festivals that I’ve earned. Second, having researched what the producer has produced in the past, I would present him with an original script that fits his/her specific market. Third, the script must be marketable, meaning an easy sell to his/her boss, or to one of the studios they work with. In order to do this, I need to know what scripts have done well from a box-office receipts standpoint in this particular genre, then tailor my script’s viability as being similar/yet different than those scripts!
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
Managers are looking at the big picture, meaning establishing a long-term relationship with a writer who can create/write marketable materials, and with whom the manager can guide/develop into a major player. First, I would let the manager know I was a team player and demonstrate my collaborative abilities. Additionally, let the manager know that I have my finger in the pulse of what is trending and relevant, and that I have no qualms about writing scripts that can sell based upon what is ‘hot.’
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Partnering up?
In our forum it says to “partner up” in the day twelve lecture?? I am not sure where to post? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!! 🙂
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Creating a Career – Assignment
Mike O – Career Plan
What I learned from this lesson is that having a “plan” is the same as having a “process”. In that it keeps you focused, on track, and headed in the right direction. I have taught business, finance at the undergraduate and graduate level and I have seen success and failure. The one common denominator is lack of planning on the part of those who did not succeed. In every one of my classes, I would lay out a “plan” that incorporated, the homework, quizzes and tests and when they should prepare for each.
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Time to create your “Career Plan.” Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:
A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months?
Secure a movie deal for the script I have been working with in this class. Establish a rapport with a producer in this genre.
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B. What are you going to do to elevate quality?
I will take the master skill-set sheets and review each one and make sure I have utilized the “ideas” in my script. I KNOW that by going through each process, I will improve the script. Kaizen!! J Additionally, send my script to contests, script consultants, etc. to test the quality. If I don’t receive a “Recommend” or “First Place,” you loop back to the beginning and do it again.
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C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts? I already have a “library” of marketable scripts. I am going to take each one and walk it through the Pro-Series writing class processes!!
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D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)? Holiday movies and televisions Teen adventure mystery drama.
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E. How are you going build a stronger network? I am going to reach out to the producers on “Outer Banks” and pitch my television series that is in the very same genre. Likewise, I am going to pitch all the producers of the Christmas movies I researched.
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F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business?
Become a member of Screenwriter’s Alumni and utilize the various services your organization provides.
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G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing?
Build and utilize marketing campaigns, hone my query letter(s), phone pitches and put myself out there.
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Day 10 – Exchange Critiques on Query Letters – Assignment
Mike O – Query Letter Draft 1 (Version 2)
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of objective third party input and the importance of revision.
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Query Letter – Version Two
A sheltered painter who clings to childhood memories of her estranged father for artistic inspiration, Brooklyn receives a Christmas card from him. Suddenly, her ghost has a home address!
Hope springs eternal for Brooklyn. Unfortunately, instead of an olive branch, it turns out to be her father’s last correspondence as she receives a certified letter later that evening informing Brooklyn of his passing.
Talked down off the cliff by Carolyn, her surrogate mother and agent, Brooklyn agrees to travel cross-country to be her father’s executor. With a litany of upbeat aphorisms, Carolyn sends Brooklyn off prognosticating how ‘love finds a way.’
At her father’s cabin, Brooklyn discovers ‘lies’ is another four-letter word that begins with ‘L’ when she finds a shoe box filled with letters addressed to her. Written across each one, the words: ‘return to sender’ in her mother’s handwriting.
For the second time in as many days, Brooklyn’s world is flipped on its head.
And moments after the revelation, Brooklyn finds love standing on her dad’s porch in the form of a man with his two, small sons: in for the holidays, unaware of her father’s death.
Chemistry and companionship ensue. Brooklyn visits her father’s grave and lays to rest his ghost – literally and figuratively.
The windy-city lie Brooklyn has been living is not one she can return to. Opting to stay and fight for her father’s legacy, for the love she has found, Brooklyn outsmarts her father’s sociopathic employee who believes the art gallery is his.
Carolyn’s prediction and Brooklyn’s happy-ever-after become reality as a widower and an twenty-something orphan begin Christmas day as a family.
I obtained my MFA from the University of New Mexico’s Creative Writing program working under Tony Hillerman and Rudy Anaya. I have screenplays that are semi-finalists in several contests and I worked with Cynthia Whitcomb, former professor, UCLA Film School, who has sold more than 70 feature-length screenplays, 25 of which have been filmed. In her words, “It’s time to market your work. It’s ready and so are you.”
Mr. XXX, Would you be willing to read the first ten pages? If you’re not “hooked” please toss the script. In one week, I’ll follow up this request with a phone call.
Sincerely,
Michael O’Keefe
cell: 505-270-7525
email: michael.okeefe2123@gmail.com
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Nicely done! I believe your script will sell given the need for contained films. This could be scaled down financially and shot on just a couple of locations. The cost would be the A-list actor 🙂 as I believe the script calls for it.
Sell it!! I want to see the movie.
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Day 9 – Using Hooks to Create a Query Letter – Assignment
Mike’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is the difficulty in keeping your synopsis down to a few ‘hooks.’ I am so used to writing out the details, doing a ‘book report’ that I had to continually stop myself from writing exposition.
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Craft an Opening Hook. This opening hook should lure us into the concept. Remember, it will be a bold statement, question, setup/punch-line, or a quote from the lead character.
Opening Hook: Gifted painter’s muse, her imaginary father, becomes real when she is named the executor and has to settle his affairs and face his ghost before Christmas.
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Organize the other hooks into a sequence that makes sense for the story.
For a sheltered painter who clings to childhood memories of her estranged father for artistic inspiration, Brooklyn receives a Christmas card from him. Instead of an olive branch, it turns out to be his last correspondence.
Talked down off the cliff by Carolyn, her surrogate mother and agent, with her litany of upbeat aphorisms, her can-do attitude, and mother-knows-best expression, embolden Brooklyn who is named the executor of her father’s estate.
Brooklyn discovers a shoebox filled with letters and cards addressed to her. Written across each one, the words, ‘return to sender’ in her mother’s handwriting.
For the second time in as many days, Brooklyn’s world is flipped on its head. The truth enables her to shed a mother’s bitterness and embrace her father’s posthumous love. And moments after the revelation, Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man with his two, small sons.
The windy-city lie Brooklyn has been living is not one she can return to. Opting to stay and fight: for her father’s legacy, for the love she has found, Brooklyn outsmarts her father’s sociopathic employee, enjoys success and comes to terms with her life — love found a way.
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Make sure it has all the Basics covered (from Part One).
– Opening Hook
– Synopsis
– Bio
– Request
– Contact information (for now, just put your name)===========================
Opening Hook: Gifted painter’s muse, her imaginary father, becomes real when she is named the executor and has to settle his affairs and face his ghost before Christmas.
Synopsis: For a sheltered painter who clings to childhood memories of her estranged father for artistic inspiration, Brooklyn receives a Christmas card from him. Instead of an olive branch, it turns out to be his last correspondence.
Talked down off the cliff by Carolyn, her surrogate mother and agent, with her litany of upbeat aphorisms, her can-do attitude, and mother-knows-best expression, embolden Brooklyn who is named the executor of her father’s estate.
Brooklyn discovers a shoebox filled with letters and cards addressed to her. Written across each one, the words, ‘return to sender’ in her mother’s handwriting.
For the second time in as many days, Brooklyn’s world is flipped on its head. The truth enables her to shed a mother’s bitterness and embrace her father’s posthumous love. And moments after the revelation, Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch in the form of a man with his two, small sons.
The windy-city lie Brooklyn has been living is not one she can return to. Opting to stay and fight: for her father’s legacy, for the love she has found, Brooklyn outsmarts her father’s sociopathic employee, enjoys success and comes to terms with her life — love found a way.
Bio: I obtained my MFA from the University of New Mexico’s Creative Writing program working under Tony Hillerman and Rudy Anaya. I have screenplays that are semi-finalists in several contests and I worked with Cynthia Whitcomb, former professor, UCLA Film School, who has sold more than 70 feature-length screenplays, 25 of which have been filmed. In her words, “It’s time to market your work. It’s ready and so are you.”
Request: “If you like the concept and the protagonist’s journey, I’d be happy to send you the script.”
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Lesson 2 – The 10 Components of Marketability – Assignment
Mike O – Marketable Components
What I learned doing this is aligning creativity and your character’s various traits with different audience segments to attract more movie-goers.
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Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.
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1. Tell us your current log line.
As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of recognition and financial success as a painter, romance finds her at a crossroads: a treacherous employee and a mother’s deception conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above deceit and tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.
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2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.
01. Unique THIS ONE
07. Wide audience appeal THIS ONE
10. A great role for a bankable actor THIS ONE – ties in with #1, character’s uniqueness[1] Unique — This means some important part of the story or characters hasn’t been seen before. It needs to be something important enough that the public will be willing to go to this movie and not another.
The protagonist, Brooklyn, is able to feel her father’s presence whenever she is close to one of his paintings. She uses painting in his cabin to bond with him. *She sees/imagines him beside her guiding her as she paints. *Use of FLASHBACKS shows her dad helping her as a little girl with her water colors and crayons. He is her muse whenever she paints. *Show a photo of him with her as a little girl clipped to her easel in her art studio… *Show her talking to him, as if he’s beside her, when she is alone painting in her studio. *At the end of the movie, we see Brooklyn ‘talking’ with her dad at his grave: show him hug her, then go lie down at his grave and slowly settle into the earth…
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[7] Wide audience appeal — This one is essential. Will this story appeal to a wide audience? The larger the audience, the better. Especially if they are avid movie-goers. Anything that will get teens in the door is hot.
The protagonist, Brooklyn is in her late twenties, she is pretty (physical attraction, easy on the eyes) she talks to herself, is OCD, and imagines her father beside her whenever she is painting. (Appealing to an A-list actress).
Brooklyn’s best friend and mentor, Carolyn, is happily married w/ children. She is in her late forties. She will appeal to that market segment as she is hardworking, successful, and always trying to “set” Brooklyn up with some guy. Meaning well, she mothers Brooklyn, thinks of her as the daughter she never had.
There is Brooklyn’s love interest, Tarek, he’s in her early thirties, single dad. He has two sons: one is cute and irrepressible, the other more serious, less trusting… hurt by the death of his mother. His character will appeal to those in the audience who have gone through what he has and can identify with him.
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3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.
How I would pitch those two elements:
#1 Unique & #10 Bankable : The protagonist is a woman, a gifted artist, who is OCD, someone who has been sheltered, and who buries herself in her work to avoid life. The inciting incident and our hero’s journey begins with tragedy. As the executor of her father’s estate, she discovers her mother’s deception, the depth of a father’s posthumous love, and comes to terms with her past, ‘finds herself’ and discovers she is capable of true love.
#7 Wide Audience Appeal: Brooklyn’s initial reticence, her fear of the unknown will speak to the Millennials and Z generation. Her best friend and mentor, Carolyn, will draw the ‘parents’ to the theater as her character’s insistence on helping, guiding and being a parent to Brooklyn will speak to this audience segment. Brooklyn’s personal growth and the fact she finds true love is a requisite of all holiday feel-good movies and is a universal draw
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I, Michael O’Keefe agree to the Confidentiality Agreement. In addition, I agree to the group release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Michael O’Keefe
I agree to the terms of the confidentiality agreement.
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1. Name? Michael O’Keefe
2. How many scripts you’ve written? two television pilots, ten movie scripts
3. What you hope to get out of the class? A thorough understanding of how to market my work to agents and producers.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I love to write and thankfully require only 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. It is a quirk I inherited from my mother who never slept more than 4 or 5 hours a night ever.
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Lesson 1 – How To Get 50 Script Requests – Assignment
Mike O – Project and Market
What I learned doing this is the importance of marketing and creating a marketing campaign that targets producers who work in the genre you’ve written and in the budget your script calls for.
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1. Give us your Genre, Title and concept.
Genre: Holiday Movie
Title: “Christmas Trimmings”
Concept: Protagonist finds love after loss
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2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.
The character arc of the protagonist who begins the movie as a sheltered artist who buries herself in her art, to a young woman who accepts her estranged father’s posthumous love and fights to keep his legacy alive.
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3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.
I believe I want to target an agent given your description of their needs and wants: (1) Easily sellable writer who will consistently produce paychecks; (2) Writer with a library of three or more marketable scripts; (3) Writer who will do paid writing assignments & have a great writing sample to show their skill level. ||
In addition, I believe if I align my script with a producer who works in my genre, it might be a quicker way in.
I have the last two requirements that any agent would find most attractive. I write, study and have a dozen finished/marketable scripts in several different genres. I have received good coverage on at least four of the scripts. I need to market them in a way that produces results, not check marks on an excel spreadsheet.
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Day 7: Loglines & Phone Pitches – Assignment
Mike O – Logline and One-Sentence Phone Pitch
What I learned doing this is saying less is more. Stop talking, stop overselling! Having come from a career in marketing, I am guilty of this! Do NOT descend into the details of the script trap!
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I. Write a log-line for your screenplay for each of the 3 formulas:
[1] Protagonist __has problem___ and ___must achieve goal__ to solve that problem.
Protagonist: A talented painter Problem: faced with being the executor of her estranged father’s estate Goal: save her father’s gallery from a sociopathic employee ———————————————————————————————
[2] Protagonist has __a goal__ but ___major obstacle___ stands in his/her way.
Protagonist: gifted painter Goal: flies to a small mountain town to settle her estranged father’s estate Obstacle: but must outwit a sociopathic employee who wants her father’s gallery ———————————————————————————————
[3] (Situation) causes (main character) to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome).
Situation: Daughter learns her estranged father has died and named her the executor. Main Character: workaholic daughter must travel cross-country and settle her father’s affairs Largest Obstacle: overcome her feelings of abandonment & outsmart a sociopathic employee Outcome: her father’s posthumous love changes her thoughts on life, love and what matters ———————————————————————————————
II. Write a one-sentence phone pitch for your screenplay. First tell us the biggest hook and then incorporate it into your one-sentence pitch.
HOOK: Gifted painter’s muse, her imaginary father, becomes real when she is named the executor.
A gifted painter, whose muse is her estranged father, receives a certified letter informing her of his passing and as his executor, she must travel to a mountain town and settle his affairs and face his ghost.
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Day 6 – What Makes Your Story Marketable? – Assignment
Mike O – Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is
Pick two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.
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1. Tell us your current logline.
As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of recognition and financial success as a painter, romance finds her at a crossroads: a treacherous employee and a mother’s deception conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above deceit and tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.
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2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.
01. Unique (THIS ONE)
02. True
03. Timely — connected to some major trend or event.
04. It’s a first
05. Ultimate
06. Edgy
07. Wide audience appeal (THIS ONE)
08. Adapted from a popular book
09. Similarity to a box-office success
10. A great role for a bankable actor (THIS ONE )– ties in with #1, character’s uniqueness—————————————-
[1] Unique — This means some important part of the story or characters hasn’t been seen before. It needs to be something important enough that the public will be willing to go to this movie and not another.
The protagonist, Brooklyn, is able to feel her father’s presence whenever she is close to one of his paintings. She uses painting in his cabin to bond with him. *She sees/imagines him beside her guiding her as she paints. *Use of FLASHBACKS shows her dad helping her as a little girl with her water colors and crayons. He is her muse whenever she paints. *Show a photo of him with her as a little girl clipped to her easel in her art studio… *Show her talking to him, as if he’s beside her, when she is alone painting in her studio. *At the end of the movie, we see Brooklyn ‘talking’ with her dad at his grave: show him hug her, then go lie down at his grave and slowly settle into the earth…
=====================
[7] Wide audience appeal — This one is essential. Will this story appeal to a wide audience? The larger the audience, the better. Especially if they are avid movie-goers. Anything that will get teens in the door is hot.
The protagonist, Brooklyn is in her late twenties, she is pretty (physical attraction, easy on the eyes) she talks to herself, is OCD, and imagines her father beside her whenever she is painting. (Appealing to an A-list actress).
Brooklyn’s best friend and mentor, Carolyn, is happily married w/ children. She is in her late forties. She will appeal to that market segment as she is hardworking, successful, and always trying to “set” Brooklyn up with some guy. Meaning well, she mothers Brooklyn, thinks of her as the daughter she never had.
There is Brooklyn’s love interest, Tarek, he’s in her early thirties, single dad. He has two sons: one is cute and irrepressible, the other more serious, less trusting… hurt by the death of his mother. His character will appeal to those in the audience who have gone through what he has and can identify with him.
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3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.
How I would pitch those two elements:
#1 Unique & #10 Bankable : The protagonist is a woman, a gifted artist, who is OCD, someone who has been sheltered, and who buries herself in her work to avoid life. The inciting incident and our hero’s journey begins with tragedy. As the executor of her father’s estate, she discovers her mother’s deception, the depth of a father’s posthumous love, and comes to terms with her past, ‘finds herself’ and discovers she is capable of true love.
#7 Wide audience appeal: Brooklyn’s initial reticence, her fear of the unknown will speak to the Millennials, and Z generation. Her best friend and mentor, Carolyn, will draw ‘parents’ to the theater as her character’s insistence on helping, guiding and being a ‘mother’ to Brooklyn will speak to this audience segment. Brooklyn’s personal growth and the fact she finds true love is a requisite of all holiday feel-good movies and is a universal draw
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Day 4 – Attracting Fans and Champions – Assignment
Mike O – Network
What I learned doing this assignment is I have little to no connections, fans, champions, or otherwise.
1. Create a file in your computer or a pad of paper and answer these questions:
Who do you know inside the Pro-Series and SU Alumni? Hal, Cheryl, Lisa, Anna
Who do you know in other writing groups? I don’t
Who do you know in Industry groups? I don’t
Who have you worked with on a movie? No.
Who do you know who knows someone inside the industry? Hal and Cheryl
Who are you connected to on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn that knows someone? no2. Now, categorize them:
Who fits into each category? (Use C to represent Category.)
C1. Cheerleaders/Friends. Family, couple of former students of mine
C2. Feedback sources. Matt Fluckey, colleague
C3. Potential Fans. family
C4. Potential Champions. ??3. Answer, “What potential do you already see in your network?” honestly, I don’t have one. I need to develop a network.
4. Post your assignment to the forums…and take a look at some of the other networks there.
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Day 3 – Create a Marketing Campaign – Assignment
Mike O’s – Marketing Campaign
What I learned doing this assignment is your script is like any other product or service. It requires the 5 p’s of Marketing: product | price | placement | positioning | packaging. The product being the script’s genre,; the price is tied in the type of script: a short, a TV episode, a feature length movie; placement has to do with studio, indie, producer(s), manager(s), agent(s); positioning aligns with placement; packaging, the quality of the script’s writing. Having been a marketing director for a medical firm some years back, it makes perfect sense to equate the script with a product and put together a product launch campaign.
I. Tell us your main goal in your overall Campaign statement. Campaign = A systematic course of aggressive activities for some special purpose requiring a combination of strategies and tactics working together for the overall purpose or campaign.
1. Campaign – To attract the attention and interest of a respected agency in order to become a valued client.
——————————————————————————————-II. Make a list of your main strategies. Strategy = A plan or a series of tactics to accomplish a specific goal.
1. First Strategy – research and make a list of the top twenty literary agencies on the west coast who handle screenplays. Do the research.
2. Second Strategy – craft a strong query letter and tailor it to a specific literary agent within an agency. Do persuasive writing
3. Third Strategy – Mail, wait and reach out to the person you sent your query to. Est. a rapport. Use your phone skills to est. a rapport.
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III. Make a list of tactics that fit your strategies and campaign. Tactic = An action taken to accomplish a goal.
1. Tactic – craft a strong query letter with a pitch element.
2. Tactic – mail (email/snail mail) the query to agencies that handle my type of script.
3. Tactic – follow-up. After 3-5 weeks reach out to the person whom you sent the query to.
4. Tactic – pitch a similar script that might more closely align with what you ‘think’ they need.
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Day 2: Target Your Market – Assignment
Mike O’s – Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is marketing is not nearly as difficult as I imagined. At least generating a list of possible contacts, via producers, is pretty straight forward.
Title: “Christmas Trimmings” Genre: Christmas movie
I. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.
[1] Christmas Inheritance (actors) 1. Eliza Taylor (protagonist)
[2] Christmas with a View (actors) 1. Kristin Kurnik (protagonist) 2. Scott Cavalheiro (love interest)
[3] A Very Country Christmas (actors)
[4] The Holiday Calendar (actors)
[5] The Spirit of Christmas (actors) 1. Jen Lilley (protagonist) 2. Thomas Beaudoin (love interest)
II. Using the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 20 to 100 producers for your specific project.
[1] Christmas Inheritance (Producers)
1. David Anselmo – producer
2. Vince Balzano – associate producer
3. Mickey Gooch – co-executive producer
4. Eric Jarboe – executive producer
5. Amy Krell – executive producer
6. Brad Krevoy – executive producer
7. Jimmy Townsend – executive producer
8. Jeremy Kipp Walker – executive in charge of production
[2] Christmas with a View (Producers)
1. Stan Hum – executive producer 2. Beth Stevenson – executive producer 3. Nancy Yeaman – executive producer
[3] A Very Country Christmas (Producers)
1. Stan Hum – executive producer 2. Kevin Lamb – associate producer 3. Beth Stevenson – executive producer
4. Parick McBrearty – producer
[4] The Holiday Calendar (Producers)
1. David Anselmo – producer
2. Vince Balzano – associate producer
3. Eric Jarboe – executive producer
4. Amy Krell – executive producer
5. Brad Krevoy – executive producer
6. Amanda Phillips – executive producer (as Amanda Phillips Atkins)
7. Jimmy Townsend – executive producer
[5] The Spirit of Christmas (Producers)
1. Andrea Ajemian – producer
2. Sharon Bordas – executive producer
3. Hannah Pillemer – executive producer
4. Fernando Szew – executive producer
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This sounds riveting, a contained film with a fresh angle. Like Phone Booth was when it came out.
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Day 1. What Do Agents, Managers & Producers Need From You? – Assignment
Mike O – Project and Market
What I learned today is marketing and aligning your work with the right entity (producer, agent, manager, etc) is as important as writing a great script. The writing and marketing must be given equal time and attention if you wish to succeed in this ultra-competitive industry.
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1. Give us the logline for your story and the genre.
Genre = holiday family movie (Hallmarkesque)
Logline = “As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of recognition and financial success as a painter, romance finds her at a crossroads: a treacherous employee, and a mother’s deception conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above deceit and tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.”
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2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.
The character arc of the protagonist who begins the movie as a sheltered artist who buries herself in her art, to a young woman who accepts her estranged father’s posthumous love and fights to keep his legacy alive.
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3. Tell us which you will target first — agent, manager, producer, or actor and how your script fits what they need and want.
I believe I want to target an agent given your description of their needs and wants: (1) Easily sellable writer who consistently produces paychecks; (2) Writer with a library of three or more marketable scripts; (3) Writer who will do paid writing assignments & have a great writing sample to show their skill level. || Also, I think if I align my work with a producer who works in my genre, it might be a quicker way in.
I have the last two requirements that any agent would find most attractive. I write, study and have a dozen finished/marketable scripts in several different genres. I have received good coverage on at least four of the scripts. I need to market them in a way that produces results, not checkmarks on an excel spreadsheet.
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Good morning Cheryl.
I am trying to locate the subfolder (First Draft Subforum) Hal spoke about in his lecture: Day One Assignment Rough Draft.
Thank you in advance for your help.
Warmest regards,
Mike O
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Lisa, this reads so much better! Great job on the rewrites. Offer still stands, you finish it, I would love to read it and give you my input and vice versa. Happy Fourth of July.
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Feedback for Anna’s ten page submission.
ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY
It’s a hot spring day, Sophie is walking <s>in </s>to town<s>. She is carrying</s> struggling with <s>the</s> brightly colored canvas shopping baskets full of baked goods and medicinal herbs. <s>for delivery. </s>
Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town. The street windows reveal fashionably-dressed patrons. In contrast, her reflection spurs her to continue walking. <s> (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) </s>She turns down a cobbled side street.
Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS
There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She <s>stops and</s> looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s a <s>an almost unconscious</s> teenage boy lying on a couple of garbage bags. <s>fluttering in the breeze.</s>
SOPHIE (drops to one knee) <s>Hey</s> My friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY (head lifts; at a whisper)<s>Lifts head, barely</s> “Bill.”
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.
<s>FRANTICALLY </s>(NOTE: I really like the fact Sophie thinks the needle marks in the boy’s arms are flea bites. Great touch. You need to explain how Sophie, this elderly, out-of-touch lady, knows CPR. You can have her mutter Thank God for theYMCA’s CPR training. Maybe even have her touch a CPR keychain button fastened to one of her canvas shopping bags. ALWAYS want to show, not tell the audience these things.)
SOPHIE “Do you want water, I have some right here?”
Bill’s eyes roll back, he slumps back. Unresponsive.
SOPHIE <s>Are you alright,</s> “Bill, Bill, Oh my God! (screams) “Help, help, anybody help!”
Grey-haired man stops walking. He takes one look at the limp boy and pulls out his cell. <s>looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, “911”</s>
<s>and calls an ambulance.</s>Sophie <s>Throws down her bags and</s> rolls Bill onto his back. She <s>FRANTICALLY </s>checks <s>his</s> for a pulse, can’t find one. Puts her hand up to his nose, he’s not breathing. <s>and his breathing, he is not breathing.</s>
SOPHIE <s>SHOUTS (panicked)</s> <s>Shit,</s> He’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back to us!”Sophie starts CPR. She SINGS “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees to keep time between chest compressions. <s>VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying
Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering
intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!</s>A crowd forms <s>is forming</s>. <s>Nosy</s> Lookey Loos, no one offers to help. Well-dressed woman, takes a step forward,
WELL-DRESSED WOMAN “Filthy drug addicts, put them all in prison.”
Shocked, Sophie looks over. She recognizes the woman from the upscale coffee shop. Opera pearls and slutty red lipstick.
(NOTE: I think you need to tie in the snobby, upscale coffee shop patrons to their crass indifference to this poor kid who has over-dosed. It gives credence to why Sophie kept walking, didn’t stop in for coffee. She knows their type!!)
<s>WELL DRESSED WOMAN
SHOUTS
FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison. </s><s>SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age.</s>
Police sirens and an ambulance’s soulful wail close in on the scene.
Winded, arms on fire from the compressions, Sophie isn’t aware of the first responders presence until one of the medics (bearded and burly) drops down beside her and takes over.
In a daze, Sophie steps back and watches as the bearded man starts to work on Bill. A second Medic, balding, produces a syringe while his partner, a third medic, woman, hooking up the AED.
<s>MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the
CPR. One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The
other medic is hooking up the AED.</s>BURLY “Stand back, hands off. We clear?”
<s>STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF! </s>Baldy and the woman give him the nod.
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING. A syringe full of Noxelene is injected. The trio try again: more cpr, compressions, one more jump start with the AED.
<s>medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing</s>
BURLY (re: Sophie) “I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like
a Fentanyl O.D.BALDY (angered) “That’s the third one this week. That stuff is killing our youth!”
WOMAN “From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17. (looks to Sophie) Any relation?”
Sophie simply shakes her head, to stunned to speak. Burly brings the gurney, Bill is loaded onto it, his body covered with a sheet.
<s>Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the
body with a sheet. Slams the ambulance doors.</s>Sophie watches the ambulance leave, finds herself staring down at the imprint his body made lying on the plastic garbage sacks.
<s>Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave.</s>
She walks over to the church wall, sits down and WEEPS.
Sometime later, she finds her cell phone and calls Sandy. pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE (choking on tears) “Sandy, come and get me, please. I’m at St. Agness, on the wall outside the church.”
<s>Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the church wall.</s>SANDY (bugged) “Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
THREE MONTHS LATER
INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
The gold lettering on the door reads Victor Francis Esq. Sophie pushes the door open. Sandy is not far behind.
<s>An older</s> A grey-haired <s>distinguished</s> man <s>wearing</s> in a three-piece, banker’s suit <s>is seated at an old</s> waits behind an ginormous desk.
Hardwood flooring, wood panels, the room is from another era. <s>The room is wood-paneled, there is a</s> A picture of the Queen hangs beside his business license which reads: LLM QC Professional Corp.
Victor <s>stands to greet them, and</s> hobbles over, hanging onto a crutch. They shake hands.
VICTOR “Come on in, get comfortable. This is not going to take long. James, God rest him, was most thorough with instructions and has left you an instructional manual with great detail.”
Sophie nods, Sandy takes a seat, doesn’t bother to wait for her.
VICTOR “Let’s get on with the reading of his will, which is my privilege as both his lawyer and his friend of many years. (pause) Would you like a Scotch Sandy, Sophie? It’s almost noon.
SANDY “Thanks, I’ll take one.”
SOPHIE “I would like some cold ginger ale please, very cold.
VICTOR I am supposed to be staying away from this stuff, especially after the amputation. I look like a pirate in a suit. This brings me to the big announcement of the day. Look under the desk.
Sophie and Sandy peer under the desk.
SOPHIE “Oh my God, it’s PIRATE! I wondered what happened to him, thought he had
gone to relatives somewhere. Come here you big beautiful lug, give me a kiss.SANDY “Watch the dog hair on my trousers! I just got them back from the cleaners for God’s sake! Really, James was off his rocker having a dog this size. Couldn’t imagine why James would want one.
VICTOR “He may be the size of a small horse, but I am telling you this dog is magic! Had a bloody awful day in court yesterday, came back to the office with a headache and my blood pressure up, phantom leg pains in my amputated leg, I felt absolutely crap. (reaches down, pets dog) Pirate had me laughing and calm in minutes, and all the pain went away.
Sophie continues to stroke Pirate.
VICTOR “I’m glad you love him Sophie because a a great deal of the will, if not all of it centers around Pirate.”
SANDY “Oh no! What is it that James wanted from us?
VICTOR Let me read you the will. I, James Farquar Alison, being of sound mind, bequeath the following to either both or individually Sandy Horton and Sophie Bloom the love, custody, and care of Pirate.”
SANDY “Oh my God, no thanks!”
VICTOR “You are officially declining then? I shall record it as such, and I’m making a note. Initials here please Sandy, and date it. I’ll just witness and then you are all done.”
SOPHIE “Shut up Sandy and listen. I want…”
SANDY (cuts her off) “Let him finish.”
VICTOR “This furthers what JAMES had to say. “In addition, the farm is now yours for as long as you wish providing that Pirate is in your care at the farm. Pirate loves the farm it is his home. And it’s big enough for him and close to his favorite beach. As you know he needs his swim daily whatever the
weather. All the details for his care are in the manual.”SANDY “I don’t want to leave my house of many years to go and live in some oversized farmhouse that needs work. Or take care of his bloody livestock.”
<s>Really James, what were you thinking of? I’ve already got drool on my shoes!</s>
VICTOR “That’s fine Sandy, you have no further concerns now you have signed a refusal. There’s more from James. Sophie, hear me out.”
JAMES (V.O) “Additionally, I am leaving 80,000 pounds per annum to the person or persons who fulfill
Pirates’ needs as stipulated. Victor has a slush fund for renovations on the farmhouse and he has been
instructed to be generous.”SOPHIE “I can’t believe that James would think it is necessary to pay for Pirate.”
SANDY (miffed) “I don’t bloody care, I have my school board pension and I own my own house
thank you. I’m alright just the way things are thank you very much!”VICTOR “This covers the portion of the will relative to Pirate. There’s more. James says,
JAMES (V.O,) “As you know I have been passionate about my work with homeless street youth and there
are instructions for continuing my work, which will be your work, should you wish to take it on, there is an
additional 80,000 pounds per year, for each of you should you wish to undertake the work.”SANDY “No, I don’t want to take on any work. I had enough of gobby snotty teenagers all through my career. All I want is peace at my age.”
SOPHIE “Is all the information including the street youth project in the binder? If so how about we take Pirate home and give me a couple of days to go through the binder. I want to make sure I can you the best for Pirate, the youth project, and honour Jame’s intentions. We will give you a call either way. (smiles) Personally, I am keen on the idea, it sounds marvelous. A new adventure.
SANDY “You are off your rocker Sophie! You can forget it I will not change my…”
SOPHIE “And you can have all the peace you want, rather like being dead, I should think!”
(NOTE: This is a good job of showing the dead end relationship Sophie is in with Sandy. I might end the ten pages with a second twist. Have her ask the lawyer if he had the time to draw up another document – build up the tension, show Sandy bugged, Sophie says calmly, “Divorce papers, if you will be so kind.” Sophie’s intentions and character development are good, Sandy’s grumpy, one dimensional self is a bit flat (show something a spark of what he used to have that attracted Sophie to him in the first place.)
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Mike’s Third draft of first ten pages
ACT ONE
Early morning skiff of snow coats the street, the vehicles and strands of holiday garland encircling the lamp poles along Main street. The citizens of Evergreen are caffeinating, copulating, showering, getting ready for their day. It will be another forty minutes before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – EVERGREEN, COLORADO – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turns left, into an alley that runs between Main street and First avenue.
The three-story, turn-of-the-century brick buildings lining the side street have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques. Upscale. Appealing.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his stubble against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face.
The CAMERA REMAINS PERCHED on his shoulder. A laminated employee badge clipped to ashtray reads: George.
Through a bedroom window on the right, we see two people having sex. Woman on top is at a full gallop.
GEORGE “Lucky stiff.”
In the window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GEORGE “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Sanitation truck turns forty-five degrees to the right. Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat scrunch down on the lid to the garbage bin as the truck pulls up.
GEORGE “Move it or lose it, gato. Nine lives is an urban legend.”
Clawing the air in defiance, the cat bares its teeth, then darts off.
Song comes to a close. BLEED IN the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics as it hoists the dumpster into the air. Behind the metal bin, we SEE a body lying face up.
GEORGE “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua!”
Gloved hand pushes levers, truck comes to a stop. Driver’s door opens, George jumps down, out of the cab. And as he lands, he loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN, porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. She turns away from the mailbox with a handful of mail. One envelope in particular, has caught her eye.
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
“J.M. 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.”
Lost in thought, she looses her footing. ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying.
Brooklyn’s winter coat cushions her fall. HOLD ON her staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY –EVERGREEN, CO – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back in a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel George above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are SPLOTCHES of yellow paint on Joshua. A paintbrush in his shirt pocket, half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and pulled away from the skin on his cheek.
GEORGE (cell phone in hand) “Jack, send Amy to the alley behind the Babbling Brook Gallery.”
INTERCUT: GEORGE, THE ALLEY; JACK, SHERIFF’S STATION.
JACK “Do I wanna know?”
In his office, Jack reaches for a sugar cookie, glances at the desk clock and SIGHS.
GEORGE “Joshua wasn’t a drinker, never saw him so much as nurse a beer. You?”
JACK “Not even his eggnog. I’ll have Amy do a full workup, Mayor.”
GEORGE “Mornings like this, make me wish it wasn’t so.(chuckles) You know it was Joshua who convinced me to run for office.”
JACK “You giving Jake his job back when he returns from holiday?”
GEORGE “Driving this rig has given me a new perspective on our town, the roads and its citizens. Including myself.”
JACK “Let me get Amy headed over there. Keep everyone away.”
Drifting from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts up.
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn picks herself up, gathers her mail — CLUTCHES it against her chest — HURRIES home in a careful, half-stride fashion.
In the living room window, her Christmas tree. Taped to the front door, a life-size, cut-out of Frosty, the Snowman.
Brooklyn unlocks the door, gives Frosty a do-tell look.
BROOKLYN “There wasn’t any magic in that old silk hat, was there?”
INT. TOWN HOME – CONTINUOUS
A creature of habit, mail is DROPPED on the counter along with her purse and keys. Cell phone gets tethered to its charger.
Brooklyn KICKS OFF her heels, leaves them at the front door. Coat, gloves, and scarf go in the coat closet. On her way to the bedroom, she turns up the wall thermostat.
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses, throws on her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers.
As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn is quite the interior decorator. The room’s rich colors and textures transition seamlessly into one another.
She strides out of the room, inadvertently kicking the cat’s ping pong ball. Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall.
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. In her palm, she feels the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD, KNIFE, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE CRACKERS. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC.
Gathering up the mail, her phone, the cutting board and box of crackers, Brooklyn steps into the living room and plops down on the love seat.
Moment later, phone RINGS. Brooklyn checks caller ID, smiles.
BROOKLYN “I was about to call you.”
CAROLYN “Wanted to make sure you made it home. Supposed to snow all night.”
BROOKLYN “In my pjs with a glass of wine. You’ll never believe who wrote me.”
CAROLYN “Brian, or is it Bobby? I can’t keep up… Who?”
BROOKLYN “Turns out Bobby is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval. (sips wine) It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
CAROLYN “We all start out as a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.”
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’ Hated that line, too schmaltzy.”
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Being in love is like believing in Christmas or the magic in Frosty’s hat.”
BROOKLYN “Sorry, love finds a way, not something I’ll to be saying any time soon.”
CAROLYN “Speaking of time. The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, right? I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets, I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
CAROLYN “Don’t ever settle for okay. It is a big deal and I want to be there for you. I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacroy’s.”
BROOKLYN “You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.”
CAROLYN “After my mother passed, I was a mess. Holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love to see you.”
BROOKLYN “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza. We can watch a Christmas movie.”
CAROLYN “Excellent. Until then. Good night, Brook.”
Brooklyn hangs up. Curled up in her favorite throw blanket, she stares out the window, mesmerized by the moth-winged antics of the city’s first winter storm.
In a corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it is perfect. Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills. Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker.
BROOKLYN “It’s not possible.”
She TOSSES it to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several, deep breaths.
BROOKLYN “It’s not him. I can’t do this right now.”
Brooklyn turns to the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished, silver-haired lady. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Brooklyn struggles to keep from tearing up. She picks up the photograph, gives her mother a KISS, sets it down.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here. I’m enjoying your favorite cheese.”
The fact she died in April from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible.
BROOKLYN “Been eight months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
She reaches for a wedge of cheese on the cutting board and inadvertently knocks the ping pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, eight months since mother… eight-maids-a-milking (eyes angel topping her tree) what are you trying to tell me?”
She returns to watching the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window, unaware she is mouthing multiples of eight. At one-hundred-twenty, she stops. Realizing what she’s doing, she reaches for her wine.
Two glasses later, Brooklyn retrieves the envelope. Her hands shake. She takes a deep breath, OPENS the envelope and removes the Christmas card.
INSERT – WRITING
“Merry Christmas, Brook. Love Dad.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
Squeezing her eyes shut against all that she feels, Brooklyn sets the card aside. As she is reaching for a wedge of cheese, there is a loud KNOCK at the door.
Brooklyn glances at the wall clock, eye brow lifts. She hurries to the door, looks in the peep-hole.
Postal carrier has her sign for a certified letter, then hurries off. She closes the door, walks back to the couch, her eyes glued on the return address:
INSERT: RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado, 80437”
Sitting, Brooklyn opens the envelope. The feel of the heavy-grade paper between her fingers adds to her dread.
She begins reading. In the second sentence, the word “deceased” JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!
Stunned, eyes wide in disbelief. HOLD for a beat as Brooklyn processes. Shrinking, her posture crumples; the letter forgotten in her lap.
Oblivious to the tears, to muttering, “no, no, no…” her voice retreating to a scared little girl wanting her daddy back.
BROOKLYN “There’s been a mistake. I just got his Christmas card!”
She grabs the card as proof, then remembers the forwarding sticker on the envelope. The date of the postal stamp slams the door to denial shut.
Brooklyn bursts into a pained laugh,
BROOKLYN “Eight days! He was alive eight days ago.”
Imagining her father, whom her mother called a ne’er-do-well, having an estate, turns the loss into anger.
BROOKLYN “Executor of what, a double wide. That’s rich… I’m not going!”
She pushes the attorney’s letter aside, the two pages fall to the floor. ZOOM IN on the second page which lands at the foot of the couch.
INSERT – PAGE
“Tangible assets are as follows: art gallery, four bedroom cabin, three vehicles, two bank accounts…”
Brooklyn kills the last of the wine, gets up inadvertently kicks the second page of the letter under the couch as she walks to the coat closet.
INT. COAT CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
On the floor, a plastic, storage bin. Inside it, a dozen, empty boxes of Christmas bulb containers. Brooklyn digs down to the bottom and retrieves a small, cardboard box.
The writing on it reads: “Merry Christmas, Brook.”
Brooklyn takes the homemade Christmas ornament out of the box, walks over to the trash can and pauses. Torn. Unable to go through with it.
Brooklyn steps into the other room, looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion. Even betrayal.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
Brooklyn goes to the Christmas tree and hangs the homemade Christmas bulb.
INSERT – CHRISTMAS BULB
A heart design filled with red glitter. In the center, the green glitter initials: JM + BM
JOSHUA (O.S.) “A father’s love for his daughter, nothing can change that, Brook. You’ll always be my princess. “
BACK TO SCENE.
BROOKLYN “I’m coming daddy.”
Brooklyn reaches for her phone. On the fifth ring, Carolyn answers.
BROOKLYN “Carolyn, I d-dddidnt’ wake you, did I?”
Carolyn hears the quiver in Brooklyn’s voice.
CAROLYN “What is it, Brook? What’s happened?”
BROOKLYN (sobs) “It’s my father… Joshua is dead!”
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My review of Lisa’s Second Revision. I sent the first round of note to her in a private message as I was not sure how to connect and get it to her. I see, now, you don’t. Sorry.
*VERSION TWO*
========================================
FADE UP
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY
UNDER THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
CLANG! Lightening cracks!
Two soaked figures tied together are hanging by a rope off the bridge.
WOMAN
(Dressed like an angel)
I’m dangling here wondering what will happen to my family if I don’t get out of this. Especially since the passed-out guy below me is my husband. Ironic that he’s trying to save ME.
She looks down at the MAN.
(NOTE: I like the woman dressed like an angel as she is a savior for their family and for Peter)
WOMAN (CONT’D)
But how do you save a war hero who doesn’t have her wings yet?
Woman’s cell phone rings. She answers as though nothing is wrong.
(Nice touch, “as though nothing is wrong”)
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can’t talk now, sweetie.
Stuffing the phone back into her pants the rope jerks! She looks up but can’t see through the torrential rain.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Well, this is what I am.
She leans back letting the rain hit her.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I’m a mother in America!
I’m trying to convince myself and everyone else that it really is a wonderful li…
SNAP! The woman and man fall out of view.
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
…iiiiiife!!
FADE OUT
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY-DAY-CONTINUOUS
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
We recognize this voice as the voice of the WOMAN hanging from the bridge.
MAIN STREET DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
There’s even a fake sign on the way into town which reads “You are entering Bedford Falls.” For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it. Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
There are people walking around town and going in and out of the buildings, but they’re all in summer clothing. It’s hot in December!
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Well, the church marks the end of Main Street, except if you look across the way you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
You may ask, do we ever get tired of living in a town with a theme? Yes, we do! Especially me. You see, my mother organized the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival every year for the past 10 years and I wanted nothing to do with it.
(NOTE: thin down this exposition above. Show thru Mary’s actions that the town living in the fame of a mythological town is tiring and/or taxing. Say something like “Stifling, when you face HOA’s (Home Owner’s Association) edicts on a city-wide level. Grousing to a friend, she says: “Innovative architecture, no; progressive redistricting, no. Status quo, naturally.”
Now upon her death, the town has voted me as her successor. But I couldn’t do it. So, my poor Peter has taken over running the show this year.
THE FRONT OF THE IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE MUSEUM
THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Oh no. There it is. Do you recognize the George Bailey bridge? 3 years ago, my husband Peter saved me from death at that bridge. We separated shortly after that event. The George Bailey bridge sits in the middle of town and haunts us every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
CUT TO
STREET WHERE WOMAN LIVES. OVER OPENING CREDITS.
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
This is the street where I lived. I’m Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York.
MOVE SLOWLY DOWN THE ROW OF OLD VICTORIAN HOMES
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
The one thing I always wanted to be I am not. A world traveler. Before I could read, I would live under the covers with my mom’s copy of National Geographic magazine. Staring at incredible photos of faraway lands and pledging that I would see for myself whatever escape was featured each week.
EXT- MARY’S HOUSE-DAY
Two girls in t-shirts and shorts and a dachshund are running around the lawn.
MARY (V.O. CONT’D)
After I graduated from high school, I was ready to start my journeys. Then I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Peter and I decided we wanted the baby, so I deferred my traveling dreams. I had Ruthie whom now I wouldn’t trade for the world, literally. Or Janie who came two years later. There are my beautiful daughters. This is where I leave you…because I don’t live here anymore.
(NOTE: I would show the above passage in this manner: Three weeks before graduation, I had two large suitcases in the closet, several maps of Europe and a cheat-sheet with currency and exchange rates. The next week I find myself sitting on the toilet waiting for the pregnancy wand to determine my fate. Minute later, travel plans were forever altered. Vacillating, Peter and I agreed that a baby was for us.)
CUT TO
INT- PETER’S HOUSE-FOYER
Peter’s house is a beautifully remodeled old Victorian with all the details, but with a modern touch…think a Nancy Meyers film set.
INT-PETER’S KITCHEN-DAY
Peter carefully pulls a pan of Christmas cookies out of the oven. Then looks around to find a clear spot to put them. Every surface is covered with Christmas treats: cookies, cakes, pies, candies. He plops them on top of another pan to cool. Peter goes to the front screen door. He yells outside.
PETER
Girls, Uncle Billy! Breakfast!
Peter clears some of the clutter on the table. He grabs a couple of hot waffles out of the toaster and slaps some ice cream on top each of them. Peter stops and looks at his mother-in-law’s photo on the wall. RUTHIE, a smart and wise 9-year-old and JANIE, a sensitive and kind 7-year-old enter singing their version of “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” which goes, “I want a pretty platypus for Christmas” at the top of their lungs. Uncle Billy, their dachshund barks at them as though he’s singing along. Ruthie has her tablet under her arm.
(NOTE: I would go with Cam’s thoughts on tightening the introduction of Ruthie and Janie. He is really good! I read though several of his critiques and was quite impressed.)
PETER
That is not how the song goes.
RUTHIE
Yeah, but we like platypus’s better!
JANIE
Yeah!
Janie holds up her stuffed platypus.
PETER
Okay, if you day so.
The girls take their seats and Peter places their breakfasts of waffles and ice cream on the table. After all, it’s hot outside. Uncle Billy goes over to his bowl in the corner and eats his dog food.
PETER (CONT’D)
No tablets at the table, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
I know, but it’s not working right. Santa isn’t moving.
PETER
I’ll take a look at it. You eat.
Peter sits and looks at the tablet. He sees Ruthie is on the NORAD site. Peter sees a message on the top of the site that states “Santa’s journey begins on the 23<sup>rd</sup> of December”.
PETER (CONT’D)
It’s not the tablet. Let’s give it another day.
RUTHIE
Can mommy fix it?
PETER
Mommy doesn’t work there anymore, honey. We’ll check tomorrow. That reminds me. (Looking at his phone) I need to call your mother to see if she’s coming over for Christmas.
Peter puts his phone down and gets serious.
PETER (CONT’D)
Look girls. I don’t think we can count on your mom for Christmas.
RUTHIE
What do you mean?
JANIE
She’s coming, isn’t she?
PETER
Well, I want to be honest with you…I’m not sure. She’s been unpredictable lately. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.
Janie hangs her head and Ruthie has a mad look come over her face.
PETER (CONT’D)
BUT! We are going to have the best Christmas ever with Josephine!
RUTHIE
Sure.
JANIE
It’s not the same without mommy.
They sit in silence. Peter’s not sure what to say next. He gets a wet cloth and wipes Janie’s face that is smeared with ice cream.
PETER
You like Jo, don’t you?
RUTHIE
She’s nice.
Janie shakes her head yes. Ruthie pulls away as Peter tries to wipe her face too.
PETER
Then we are going to make the best of whatever situation we have this Christmas. Don’t you think your grandmother would want us to have a cheery Christmas?
The girls look at the photo of their grandma on the wall.
PETER (CONT’D)
She always said, “Christmas comes but once a year, so make it a wonderful one!”
Peter clears some dishes. Janie goes over to Ruthie and sits in her seat with her. Peter looks at their sad faces.
PETER
Alright. Go upstairs and get ready for your last day of school!
Ruthie and Janie run out of the room and up the staircase. Uncle Billy stares at Peter.
PETER (CONT’D)
You too, Uncle Billy!
Uncle Billy runs up the stairs too.
CUT TO
INT-JENKINS BOARDING HOUSE KITCHEN-MORNING
MA JENKINS is an 81-year-old Black woman whose roadmap of a face shows her years of hardship. She’s at the 1960’s gold stove whipping up a hearty breakfast for her main guest.
Enter MARY WINTERS, a 5’6’, 37-year-old, who is shaped like a Christmas tree and the woman Peter saved from drowning years prior. She is Peter’s brooding wife who is also a war veteran. She wears a t-shirt and long khakis. SKIPPER ABLE is Ma’s curious 5-year-old grandson whom Ma is watching for the day. As Peter enters the kitchen…
MA
Skip! Stand up.
SKIPPER
Why?
MA
(Hitting Skipper’s arm) Stand up, a war hero is entering the room.
MARY
Good morning.
MA
Skip.
SKIPPER
Good morning.
MA
(scoldingly) Good morning, what?
SKIPPER
(exaggerating) Good morning, SIR.
MARY
Please sit down.
Ma glares at Skipper as if to say, “don’t you dare!”
Mary sits at the old wooden wobbly table on the bench side against the cloudy window of the tiny kitchen. The old Victorian needs loads of remodeling, starting with the kitchen.
MA
(to Skipper) You may sit now.
Skipper sits in the chair at the end of the table. Skipper stares at Mary. Ma places Mary’s breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. Then serves Skipper. Mary pushes the eggs around…she really doesn’t like to eat breakfast, but she does it to show respect for Ma.
MARY
Good as always, Ma
MA
Glad you like it. You have work today?
MARY
I’m heading over to Mr. Reed to help him with his porch and Mrs. Thomas asked me to stop by to look at her plants. I’ll probably stop at the rectory to see if pastor Frank needs anything too.
MA
Sounds like a busy day. I’ll fill a thermos with cold water for ya. I don’t remember a December so hot in all my life!
MARY
Thanks, Ma.
MA
Oh, I almost forgot to give you your mail.
Ma takes the pink envelope out of her apron pocket and hands it to Mary. Mary stares at it frozen, petrified. Skipper leans up on the table.
SKIPPER
Well, aren’t ya going to open it?
MARY
I’ve got to head over to Mr. Reed’s. Thanks for the breakfast, Ma.
MA
You’re welcome. If you get hungry later, I’m making chili in case we get company.
Ma motions to Skipper to stand up. Skipper rolls his eyes, but slowly, loudly pushes his chair away from the table and stands.
Feeling embarrassed about the pink envelope, Mary stuffs the envelope in her pants pocket. Ma hands her a thermos with a long strap and she throws it over her arm. Mary busses her place taking her dishes to the sink. Then hurries out the back screen door.
SKIPPER
(Looking out the back door) Why’s she always in such a hurry?
MA
She’s a busy woman, helping out people every day in this town.
Ma comes to the back door and looks out too. The old Victorian house is set way back from the street with a long walk. They watch Mary slowly going down the walk reading her letter.
MA (CONT’D)
I sure hope she can get her shop working again. (turning to Skipper) You take note Skip, there goes a brave woman who has sacrificed for many, a war hero, a conscientious mother, a friend to all. Don’t matter that she’s fallen on hard times. Happens to the best of us.
Ma leans down to Skipper and pauses to take in his youthful face…she smiles.
MA (CONT’D)
She is loved.
Ma kisses Skipper’s nose.
MA (CONTINUED)
Now get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper starts off down the hallway toward the front foyer and the staircase, then turns around and scurries back to the kitchen when there’s a knock on the back door screen.
Ma opens the screen door. Skipper hangs out the door to see who’s there.
A disheveled and dirty HOBO is standing there in a torn coat with a plastic trash bag in his hands. He appears to be of some ethnicity, but it’s hard to tell below the dirtiness.
(NOTE: I would show, not tell. Take the passage above and show us: EX: Skipper frowns, mutters: “Doesn’t matter where they come from, when they hop off the train, they look and smell alike.” )
HOBO
Ma’am. I heard you could give a man something to eat if I knocked on your door.
MA
No one is turned away here. (hands the man a hand towel) Wash up out there and leave your bag.
(to Skipper)
What did I tell you? Get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper runs up the front stairs, refrains from slamming his bedroom door.
(NOTE: by adding this we avoid any stereotyping about homeless and minorities, also follows up on skipper’s assessment by showing, not telling. “The transient stands at the garden hose and washes up. Beneath the grime, the wood smoke and grit, we SEE a freckled hand. He stands at the back door waiting for permission to enter.”
MA (CONT’D)
Come on in and sit down now.
HOBO
Ma’am, I can’t pay.
MA
No matter. Come on in. No one goes hungry at Ma Jenkin’s!
Ma gives a heartfelt laugh.
CUT TO
EXT-MA JENKIN’S BOARDING HOUSE SIDEWALK-DAY
Ma’s old Victorian Boarding House is set way back from the street. Mary is on Ma’s front walk. She rips open the pink envelope and pulls out the letter. Mary’s face falls and she tears up as she reads it.
CLOSE-UP ON THE LETTER
The line that is highlighted (like in an old movie) is “Mrs. Winters you have until December 25<sup>th</sup> to comply, or the bank will take possession of the Winters snowmobile shop.”
EXT-SIDEWALK-DAY
Mary is in a trance and continues staring at the letter and walking at the same time. Never a good idea. She steps off the curb and tires screech!
Peter has slammed on the brakes of the SUV.
INT-SUV-DAY
PETER
(jolting forward) Jesus!
JANIE
Dad!
PETER
Are you alright?
Janie and Ruthie shake their heads yes.
PETER
Stay in the car!
As Peter jumps out of the SUV…
JANIE AND RUTHIE
(yelling and waving through the windshield) Mom! Hi Mommy! We miss you! I love you, mommy!
PETER
Jiminy Christmas, Mary! I almost ran over you!
MARY
(stunned) Oh. Wow.
Seeing her daughters in the SUV, Mary waves at them.
PETER
What’s the matter with you? Are you back on drugs or something?
MARY
Why do you always go there? I just got some bad news that’s all.
Peter notices the letter in her hand.
PETER
Is that the bad news?
Peter tries to snatch it. Mary stuffs it in her pocket.
MARY
Never you mind.
PETER
What is it?
MARY
You never seem to get it. (in his face) We’re separated.
Mary walks over to the side of the SUV and waves at the girls. The girls open the sliding door.
PETER
(to the girls) Don’t you get out of that car!
Ruthie and Janie jump out of the car and into their mom’s arms.
JANIE
Hi Mommy!
RUTHIE
Mommy! How are you?
Mary tightly squeezes each of the girls with tears in her eyes, also because of the bad news she just got. Peter paces back and forth in front of the SUV watching Mary.
MARY
I miss you little ladies.
RUTHIE
We miss you too.
Mary sees the tablet in Ruthie’s hand.
MARY
What are you doing?
RUTHIE
We’re waiting for Santa to fly.
Mary takes the tablet and stares at the main page of the NORAD site where Santa’s journey around the world is tracked every year. She recognizes the site because she worked at NORAD when she was in the military before being shipped off to war.
MARY
NORAD. I remember that site well.
JANIE
Mommy, how does Santa get down all those chimneys?
MARY
Well…I can’t tell you baby.
Mary hands the tablet back to Ruthie.
PETER
Mar, can I speak to you for a second? Please?
MARY
Be good at school today little ladies.
Mary kisses each girl on their head. Ruthie and Janie jump back into the SUV.
JANIE
When will we see you again?
MARY
Soon baby.
RUTHIE
Promise?
MARY
I promise.
Mary closes the SUV sliding door as if she’s closing the door to her heart. She meanders to the front of the vehicle where Peter is waiting.
PETER
Listen, I wanted to make sure you’ll be over on Christmas Day. The girls really want to see you on Christmas.
Mary nonchalantly glances at her pocket.
MARY
I can’t commit to anything right now.
PETER
Geez! I can never get a straight answer out of you. (anxiously) I have to get them to school.
Peter stops and stares at Mary wondering if she’s slipped back into a deep depression. We hear what he’s thinking…
PETER (V.O.)
I’ve known this gal since I was 14. I always know when something is up with her. I will find out.
Peter remembers what he’s doing…
PETER
We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’ll call you.
Peter starts to walk away, then turns back around.
PETER (CONTINUED)
(In pig Latin) IXNAY on ANTA A, okay?
MARY
I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t tell them. YOU, IXNAY on ANTA A!
They pause realizing how stupid they sound. Then they chuckle. It’s their long-time secret.
PETER
Okay wise gal.
Peter hurries around the SUV and jumps into the driver’s seat, starts the vehicle and as he drives away…
PETER (CONT’D)
(yelling out the window) And stay out of the street!
Mary standing in the middle of the street watches as they drive away. Tires screech behind her! Mary jumps and turns around.
ERNIE
(out his car window) For Pete’s sake, Mary! Get out of the street!
MARY
Sorry, Ernie!
Mary crosses the street to the sidewalk. Ernie shakes his head and drives off slowly. Mary takes the letter out of her pocket and looks at it once more.
MARY
(to herself)
NORAD. Santa. Hmm.
Mary stares at Ma Jenkin’s Boarding House as she puts the letter back in her pocket.
MARY
(to herself)
I’m going to fix that place up one of these days. (conjuring a thought) But first…I’ve got to get my business and family back.
Mary trots off down the street with a renewed pep.
(Final thoughts: I really like the fact you changed up the ‘roles.’ The woman is the war hero! It avoids any possible clichés as they live in a town that is a living cliché. As I wrote in the first round of notes, I would make Ma Jenkin’s your sleeper. You have two women have faced adversity, prejudice in one form or the other: a black woman who lived through segregation and veteran woman with PTSD, who are heroes in their own right. They have conformed to the town, to its limits and at the same time, they MUST BE instrumental in the salvation of the town in some way. It is not the main story line by any means, but it can prove to be a valuable sub-plot. Just my two-cent’s worth.)
-
Day 6 – Making Your First 10 Pages Great – Assignment
Mike O – Ready for Critique!
1. Give us a one or two paragraph synopsis of the story. That is so we can compare the opening and inciting incident to see if it will do a good job of launching the story.
Synopsis: Entitled, “Christmas Trimmings”
As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of commercial success, romance finds her at a crossroads: disillusionment, a mother’s deception, and her father’s devious business partner conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.
The story concept is one of loss, how it affects Brooklyn, a young woman on the cusp of becoming a successful artist and the choices she makes. Indecisive, naïve, a dreamer and closet romantic, recovering from the death of her mother, her world is turned upside as tragedy arrives in the form of a certified letter. Her life is now on a collision course with the harsh realities of tragedy. Choices and decisions force her to change her view of the world, of people and give purpose to her actions. As the executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn travels to a mountain town in Colorado and stays in the cabin he had built.
A handsome stranger with two, young sons comes bearing presents, unaware Joshua, their friend and Brooklyn’s father, has passed. There is attraction, chemistry and hesitancy on both their parts. A single parent’s life with its complications and Brooklyn’s career keep their fledgling romance on the edge of failure, until a life-threatening emergency brings them together. Salvation in the form of love transforms Brooklyn and saves the handsome stranger from a widower’s lonely life.
—————————————————————-
2. Using the Skill Mastery Sheet, do a rewrite of your first ten pages to prepare them for a critique.
ACT ONE
Early morning skiff of snow coats the street, the vehicles and strands of holiday garland encircling the lamp poles along main street.
The citizens of Evergreen are caffeinating, copulating, showering, getting ready for their day. It will be another forty minutes before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – EVERGREEN, COLORADO – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turns left, into an alley that runs between Main Street and First Avenue.
The three story, turn-of-the-century brick buildings lining the side street have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his stubble against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face.
The CAMERA REMAINS PERCHED on his shoulder. A laminated employee badge clipped to ashtray reads: George.
Through a bedroom window on the right, we see two people having sex. Woman on top is at a full gallop.
GEORGE “Lucky stiff.”
In the window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GEORGE “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Vehicle slows, turns forty-five degrees to the right. Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat SCRUNCH down on the lid to the garbage bin as the truck pulls up.
GEORGE “Move it or lose it, gato. Nine lives is an urban legend.”
CLAWING the air in defiance, the cat bares its teeth, then darts off.
Song comes to a close. BLEED IN the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we SEE a body lying face up.
GEORGE “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua!”
Gloved hand pushes levers, truck comes to a stop.
Driver’s door opens, George jumps out of the cab. And as he lands, he loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. She turns away from the mailbox with a handful of mail. One envelope in particular, has caught her eye.
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
“J.M. 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.”
Lost in thought, she looses her footing. ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying.
Brooklyn lands in a pile of snow the road-grader bladed off the cul-de-sac earlier. HOLD ON her staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY –EVERGREEN, CO – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back in a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel George above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are SPLOTCHES of yellow paint on Joshua’s sleeve and his cheek. A paintbrush in his shirt pocket, half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and pulled away from the skin.
GEORGE (cell phone in hand) “Jack, send Amy to the alley behind the Babbling Brook Gallery.”
INTERCUT: GEORGE, THE ALLEY; JACK, SHERIFF’S STATION.
JACK “Do I wanna know?”
In his office, Jack reaches for a sugar cookie, glances at the clock and SIGHS.
GEORGE “Joshua wasn’t a drinker, never saw him so much as nurse a beer. You?”
JACK “Not even his eggnog. I’ll have Amy do a full workup, Mayor.”
GEORGE “Mornings like this, make me wish it wasn’t so.(chuckles) You know it was Joshua who convinced me to run for office.”
JACK “You giving Jake his job back when he returns from holiday?”
GEORGE “Driving this rig has given me a new perspective on our town, the roads and its citizens.”
JACK “Let me get Amy headed over there. Keep everyone away.”
Drifting from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts up.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn picks herself up, gathers her mail — CLUTCHES it against her chest — HURRIES home in a careful, half-stride fashion.
In the living room window, her Christmas tree. Taped to the front door, a life-size, cut-out of Frosty, the Snowman.
Brooklyn unlocks the door, gives Frosty a do-tell look.
BROOKLYN “There wasn’t any magic in that old silk hat, was there?”
INT. TOWN HOME – CONTINUOUS
A creature of habit, mail is DROPPED on the counter along with her purse and keys. Cell phone gets tethered to its charger.
Brooklyn KICKS OFF her heels, leaves them at the front door. Coat, gloves, and scarf go in the coat closet. On her way to the bedroom, she turns up the wall thermostat.
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses, throws on her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers.
As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn is quite the interior decorator.
Warm and feminine, the room’s rich colors and textures transition seamlessly into one another. She strides out of the room, inadvertently kicking the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall.
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. In her palm, she feels the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD, KNIFE, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE CRACKERS. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC.
Gathering up the mail, her phone, the cutting board and box of crackers, Brooklyn steps into the living room and plops down on the love seat.
Moment later, phone RINGS. Brooklyn checks caller ID, smiles.
BROOKLYN “I was about to call you.”
CAROLYN “Wanted to make sure you made it home. Supposed to snow all night.”
BROOKLYN “In my pjs with a glass of wine. You’ll never believe who wrote me.”
CAROLYN “Brian, or is it Bobby? I can’t keep up… Who?”
BROOKLYN “Turns out Bobby is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval. (sips wine) It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
CAROLYN “We all start out as a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.”
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’ Hated that line, too schmaltzy.”
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Being in love is like believing in Christmas or the magic in Frosty’s hat.”
BROOKLYN “Sorry, love finds a way, not something I’ll to be saying any time soon.
CAROLYN “Speaking of time. The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, right? I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets, I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
CAROLYN “Don’t ever settle for okay. It is a big deal and I want to be there for you. Won’t take NO for an answer. I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacroy’s.”
BROOKLYN “You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.”
CAROLYN “After my mother passed, I was a mess. Holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love to see you.”
BROOKLYN “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza. We can watch a Christmas movie.”
CAROLYN “Excellent. Until then. Good night, Brook.”
Brooklyn hangs up, sets the phone aside. Curled up in her favorite throw blanket, she stares out the window, into the falling snow.
In a corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it is perfect. Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills. Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker.
Brooklyn stares off a moment.
BROOKLYN “It’s not possible.”
She TOSSES it to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several, deep breaths.
BROOKLYN “It’s not him. I can’t do this right now.”
Brooklyn turns to the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished, silver-haired lady. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Brooklyn struggles to keep from tearing up. She picks up the photograph, gives her mother a KISS, sets it down.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here. I’m enjoying your favorite cheese.”
The fact she died in April from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible.
BROOKLYN “Been eight months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
She reaches for a wedge of cheese on the cutting board and inadvertently knocks the ping pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, eight months since mother… eight-maids-a-milking (eyes angel topping her tree) what are you trying to tell me?”
She loses herself in the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window, unaware she is mouthing multiples of eight. At one-hundred-twenty, she stops. Realizing what she’s doing, she reaches for her wine.
Two glasses later, Brooklyn retrieves the envelope. Her hands shake. She takes a deep breath, OPENS the envelope and removes the Christmas card.
INSERT – WRITING
“Merry Christmas, Brook. Love Dad.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
Squeezing her eyes shut against all that she feels, Brooklyn sets the card aside. As she is reaching for a wedge of cheese, there is a loud KNOCK at the door.
Brooklyn glances at the wall clock, eye brow lifts. She hurries to the door, looks in the peep-hole.
Postal carrier has her sign for a certified letter, then hurries off.
She closes the door, walks back to the couch, her eyes glued on the return address:
INSERT: RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado, 80437”
Sitting, Brooklyn opens the envelope. The feel of the heavy-grade paper between her fingers adds to her dread.
She begins reading. In the second sentence, the word “deceased” JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!
Stunned, eyes wide in disbelief. HOLD for a beat as Brooklyn processes. Shrinking, her posture crumples; the letter forgotten in her lap.
Oblivious to the tears, to muttering, “no, no, no…” her voice retreating to a scared little girl wanting her daddy back.
BROOKLYN “There’s been a mistake. I just got his Christmas card!”
She grabs the card as proof, then remembers the forwarding sticker on the envelope. The date of the postal stamp slams the door to denial shut.
Brooklyn bursts into a pained laugh,
BROOKLYN “Eight days! He was alive eight days ago.”
Imagining her father, whom her mother called a ne’er-do-well, having an estate, turns the loss into anger.
BROOKLYN “Executor of what, a double wide. That’s rich… I’m not going!”
She THROWS the attorney’s letter aside in disgust. In ULTRA SLOW MOTION TRACK the two pages as they fall to the floor.
ZOOM IN on the second page which lands at the foot of the couch.
INSERT – PAGE
“Tangible assets are as follows: art gallery, four bedroom cabin, three vehicles, two bank accounts…”
Brooklyn kills the last of the wine, gets up inadvertently kicks the second page of the letter under the couch as she walks to the coat closet.
INT. COAT CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
On the floor, a plastic, storage bin. Inside it, a dozen, empty boxes of Christmas bulb containers. Brooklyn digs down to the bottom and retrieves a small cardboard box.
The writing on it reads: “Merry Christmas, Brook.”
Brooklyn takes the homemade Christmas ornament out of the box, walks over to the trash can and pauses. Torn. Unable to go through with it.
Brooklyn steps into the other room, looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion. Even betrayal.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
Brooklyn goes to the Christmas tree and hangs the homemade Christmas bulb.
INSERT – CHRISTMAS BULB
A heart design filled with red glitter. In the center, the green glitter initials: JM + BM
JOSHUA (O.S.) “A father’s love for his daughter, nothing can change that, Brook. You’ll always be my princess. “
BACK TO SCENE.
BROOKLYN “I’m coming daddy.”
Brooklyn reaches for her phone. On the fifth ring, Carolyn answers.
BROOKLYN “Carolyn, I d-dddidnt’ wake you, did I?”
Carolyn hears the quiver in Brooklyn’s voice.
CAROLYN “What is it, Brook? What’s happened?”
BROOKLYN (sobs) “It’s my father… Joshua is dead!”
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Day 5 – First Pages That Blow ’em Away – Assignment
Mike O – Great First Page!
What I learned from doing this assignment is the art of revision and the importance of a powerful beginning. It is analogous to a good first impression at a job interview. Your script is essentially your resume and you are looking for “that” job.
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[I] Rewrite your first page, using the keys to a Great First Page.
[1] Start with something that brings out the most unique traits of one of your lead characters.
[2] Be provocative.
Once you have your character expressing his or her most unique trait, check to see if the scene does these three things to provoke emotion. 1. Take it to an extreme. 2. Unique/interesting Conflict. 3. Use loaded words and images.
[II] Go back and check every line to see if you can take it to more of an extreme, increase the conflict, or use loaded words and images.
4. After doing all that, take a short break and then read it again to make sure it fits your story. You don’t want to go to far and mislead your reader, but you also don’t want to leave out any chance to provoke them. Find the balance for your story.
Post your first page ONLY.
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ACT ONEEarly morning skiff of snow coats the street, the parked vehicles and strands of holiday garland encircling the lamp poles along Main Street.
The citizens of Evergreen are caffeinating, copulating, showering, getting ready for their day. It will be another forty minutes before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turns left, into an alley that runs between Main Street and First Avenue.
The two and three story, turn-of-the-century brick buildings, have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques. The storefronts facing the street are upscale. Inviting. As are the residential entrances.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his beard against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face. The CAMERA REMAINS PERCHED on his shoulder.
The laminated employee badge clipped to ashtray reads: George.
Through a bedroom window on the right, we see two people having sex. Woman gyrating on top, is at a full gallop.
GEORGE “Lucky stiff.”
In the window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GEORGE “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Vehicle slows, turns forty-five degrees to the right. Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat SCRUNCH down on the lid to the garbage bin as the truck is pulls up.
GEORGE “Move it or lose it, gato. Nine lives is an urban legend.”
CLAWING the air in defiance, the cat darts off.
Song comes to a close. We HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we glimpse a body lying face up.
GEORGE “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua! “
Gloved hand pushes levers, truck comes to a stop. Driver’s door opens, George jumps out of the cab of the truck. And as he lands and loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
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Day 4 – The Necessary Structural Components – Assignment
Mike O – Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of crafting the first ten pages and how they and your ending are linked through a series of processes that, done correctly, create the boundaries or framework for the story itself. The process is actually liberating and allows/forces me to be more creative, to ‘pitch’ possibilities that I would not normally allow to surface let alone be given serious consideration.
[I] Write a rough draft of your first ten pages. See below.
[II] Select your 3rd page twist and your inciting incident. Twist (pg 3) The garbage man’s discovery of Joshua, dead behind the dumpster. The introduction of the protagonist, his daughter, who just received Joshua’s Xmas card in the mail. Inciting Incident (pg ) Brooklyn is named the executor of her father’s estate.
[III] Use the opening scene you wrote yesterday and write a rough draft of the entire first ten pages. See below.
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ACT ONEIt is early morning. There is a skiff of snow coating the street, the parked vehicles and strands of garland encircling the lamp poles along main street.
The citizens of Evergreen are waking, getting ready for the day. It will be another hour before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turning left, into an alley that runs between Main and First Street.
The two and three story buildings, turn-of-the-century brick, have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his beard against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face.
Through a bedroom window on his right, we see two people having sex. Woman, gyrating on top, is at a full gallop.
GARBAGE MAN “Lucky stiff.”
Window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GARBAGE MAN “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold? “
Vehicle slows, turns forty-five degrees to the right.
Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat scrunch down and CLAW at the air from a top the garbage bin the truck is pulling up to.
GARBAGE MAN “Move it or lose it, gato.”
Song comes to a close. We HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we glimpse a body.
GARBAGE MAN “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua! “
Gloved hand pushes some levers, truck comes to a stop. Driver’s door opens, he jumps out of the cab of the truck. And as he lands and loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. She turns away from the mailbox with a handful of mail. One envelope in particular, has caught her eye.
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
“Joshua Murray, 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.”
Lost in thought, she looses her footing. ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying. Luckily, she lands in a pile of snow the road-grader bladed off the cul-de-sac.
HOLD ON her staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back wearing a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel the man above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are dabs of paint on Joshua’s sleeve and his cheek. A paint brush in his shirt pocket, a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and pulled away from the skin.
Drifting from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts up.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn picks herself up, gathers her mail — CLUTCHES it against her chest — HURRIES home in a careful, half-stride fashion.
Framed in the living room window, her Christmas tree. Taped to the front door, a life-size, cut-out of Frosty, the Snowman. Brooklyn unlocks the door, gives Frosty a look.
BROOKLYN “There wasn’t any magic in that old silk hat, was there?”
INT. TOWN HOME – CONTINUOUS
A creature of habit, mail is DROPPED on the counter along with her purse and keys. Cell phone gets tethered to its charger.
Brooklyn KICKS OFF her heels, leaves them by the front door. Coat, gloves, and scarf go in the coat closet.
On her way to the bedroom, she turns up the wall thermostat.
INSERT – DIGITAL SCREEN
“76 degrees”
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses, finds her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers. As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm, able to feel and see the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE, CRACKERS AND A KNIFE. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC.
Gathering up the mail, her phone and the cutting board, Brooklyn steps into the living room and plops down on the love seat.
Moment later, phone RINGS. Brooklyn checks caller ID, smiles.
BROOKLYN “I was about to call you.”
CAROLYN “Wanted to make sure you made it home. Supposed to snow all night.”
BROOKLYN “In my jamies with a glass of wine. You will never believe who wrote me.”
CAROLYN “Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up. “
BROOKLYN “Turns out Bobby is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval. (sips wine) Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.
CAROLYN “We all start out as a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’ Hated that line, too schmaltzy.
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Being in love is like believing in Christmas or the magic in Frosty’s hat.
BROOKLYN “Sorry, love finds a way, not something I’m going to say anytime soon.
CAROLYN “The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, right? I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.
CAROLYN “Don’t ever settle for okay. It is a big deal and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Dee’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN “You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN “After my mother passed, I was a mess. Holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love to see you.
BROOKLYN (reaches for wine) “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza. We can watch a Christmas movie.
CAROLYN “Excellent. Until then. Good night.
Brooklyn hangs up. Curled up in her favorite throw blanket, she stares out the window, into the falling snow.
In a corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it is perfect. Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills. Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker.
She stares off a moment then TOSSES it to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several, deep breaths: telling herself it couldn’t possibly be. No way.
BROOKLYN “I can’t do this right now.”
Brooklyn stares at the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table next to a crystal candy dish.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished lady in a sweater. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Brooklyn struggles to keep from tearing up. She picks up the photograph, gives her mother a KISS, sets it back down.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here, mom… I’m enjoying your favorite cheese.”
The fact she died in March from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible.
BROOKLYN “Been nine months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board. She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, what are the odds?”
The coincidence makes her smile. She looks off, looses herself in the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window.
Two glasses of wine later, Brooklyn retrieves the envelope. Her hands shake. She takes a deep breath, OPENS the envelope and removes the Christmas card. Inside, it reads:
INSERT – WRITING
“Merry Christmas, Brook. Love Dad.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
Squeezing her eyes shut against all that she feels, Brooklyn sets the card aside. As she is reaching for a wedge of cheese, there is a KNOCK at her door.
Brooklyn glances at the wall clock, then hurries to the door.
BROOKLYN “May I help you?”
Postal carrier hands her a certified letter, then pulls out an electronic device and has her sign for it.
BROOKLYN (mutters) “Thank-you.”
She closes the door, walks back to the couch, her eyes glued on the return address:
INSERT: RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado, 80437”
She rips open the envelope and begins reading. The dread all but palpable. In the second sentence, the word “deceased” JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!
Stunned, eyes wide in DISBELIEF. HOLD for a beat as Brooklyn processes. Shrinking, her posture crumples.
Oblivious to the tears, to muttering, “no, no, no…” her voice retreating to a scared little girl wanting her daddy back. She bursts into a pained laugh imagining her father, whom her mother called a ne’er-do-well, having an estate.
BROOKLYN “Executor of what, a double wide. That’s rich… I’m not going!
She THROWS the letter aside in disgust.
In ULTRA SLOW MOTION TRACK the two pages as they fall to the floor. ZOOM IN on the second page which lands at the foot of the couch.
INSERT – PAGE
“Tangible assets are as follows: art gallery, four bedroom cabin, three vehicles, two bank accounts…”
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Day 3 – The Rules for a Great Opening – Assignment
Mike O – Opening Scene is Irresistible
What I learned from doing this is,,,,,
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[1] From yesterday’s list of five possible openings, select the one you like best.
Brooklyn’s dad, dead in a snowdrift. He was drugged (by antagonist) Richard for the gallery. #3 & #7 CLOSE UP of a dead man lying in a snow bank. Covered in snow, bottle of whiskey in his hand, it appears he passed out and froze to death.
CUT TO: Coroner’s office, Exam table – man appears fit and trim, still he’s dead. Tox-screen comes back; he didn’t die from an alcohol-related death. He was rufied: Xanax along with flunitrazepam were found in his system.
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[2] Write a quick outline of that opening.
Start the film with the audience in the driver’s seat to a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is opera music. We get a quick vignette of early morning life as he drives down an alley. Bedroom window on his right, two people having sex, window on his left, an elderly man sits at a small table eating a bowl of cereal alone. A feral cat HISSES from its perch a top the large garbage bin the garbage truck pulls up to. Opera song comes to a close and we HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting and emptying the metal bin.
Joshua (protagonist’s father) is lying on his back in a snowdrift in the alleyway behind his art gallery. He is wearing a painter’s smock, there are dabs of paint, a paint brush in his shirt pocket and in his right hand, a bottle of whiskey. The dabs of frozen paint look like flower petals that have curled and pulling away from the skin.
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[3] Check to make sure it follows all 6 rules. If any one is missing, find a way to incorporate it. Rule 1: Be provocative. Rule 2: Either the main character or the antagonist or both should be introduced within the first 5 pages. Rule 3: Make sure it is fresh. Rule 4: The opening must fit the story. Rule 5: The opening must create story questions. Rule 6: The opening introduces the “story world” with some unique action.
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[4] Write the scene.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK- DAWN
Start the film with the audience in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” There is a small snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the truck lumbers down the alley. Bedroom window on his right, two people having sex. Woman on top is at a full gallop.
GARBAGE MAN “Lucky stiff.”
Window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GARBAGE MAN “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Black, feral cat scrunches down, HISSES from a top the garbage bin the truck is pulling up to.
GARBAGE MAN “Move it or lose it, gato.”
Song comes to a close. We HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we glimpse a body.
GARBAGE MAN “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua!”
He pushes some levers, truck comes to a stop. He jumps down, out of the cab of the truck. And as he lands and loses his footing, we CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way, turns away from the mailbox with a handful of letters. She is staring at one letter in particular —
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
Joshua Murray, 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.
— and loses her footing.
ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying. Luckily, she lands in a pile of snow the road-grader bladed off the highway in the cul-de-sac.
HOLD ON her lying there, staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt. CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back wearing a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel the man above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are dabs of paint on Joshua’s sleeve and his cheek. A paint brush in his shirt pocket, a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and are pulled away from the skin.
Drifting down from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts in.
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Day 2 – Opening Events that Dazzle – Assignment
Mike O – Openings!
What I learned from this assignment helped me to stop thinking and being so linear in my thinking and crafting of a script. I found that several of the openings will work well elsewhere and add to the script’s twists and turns. Admittedly, I was hesitant as I think I write really good introductions to my scripts. Again, follow the process, learn and keep your mind open!!!
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[1] Select 5 possible openings for your script and choose one.
TYPES OF OPENINGS:
1. Instant Conflict Opening — make the opening about an ESSENTIAL conflict for your story. Then find a way to express it that has substantial meaning.
2. Contrast Opening — Two opposites are portrayed. We get to see the differences and then they are brought together for the rest of the movie.
3. The Shocking Opening — Usually it will demonstrate just how bad the antagonist can be. You simply take their worst trait and take it to an extreme.
4. The Setup/Twist Opening — You must know what you want the audience left with after the twist, then have the setup be the opposite of that.
5. The Voice Over that is unusual — The key word “unusual.” A voice-over that explains the story is dull and in most cases useless. But an unusual VO adds to the story.
6. The unique character — Take your main character’s most intriguing trait and introduce the character through that trait.
7. The action opening — Usually, it shows us how skilled the protagonist is so we know that he or she will be worth watching during the movie.
8. Plunge us deep into a unique world — Key word is UNIQUE. You must have a truly unique world or an extremely unique part of a normal world, you can plunge us into it through conflict.
9. Intriguing scene from another place in the movie — Pull a scene from another part of the script can not only create excitement, but also have us wonder how all this happened.
10. The “trick” opening — what you see on the screen is not what is really happening. You are essentially tricking the audience. This requires careful planning and there must be a payoff that is valuable.
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[II] Once you have 10 or more ideas, select the best five and write a paragraph or two to describe each opening.
1. Brooklyn opens a letter from a law firm informing her that her father died. #3 & #1 || A normal day, comes home, checks the mail, goes to her townhome, unwinds, pours wine, enjoys Xmas music, then opens her mail and gets the horrific news about her father.
2. Brooklyn gets a certified letter w/ a huge check, the note says she can only cash it in Evergreen #3 & #1 Mailman comes to her door, she knows him, they exchange pleasantries, she signs for the letter, has no idea who is in Evergreen Colorado. Opens it and it is a check for $800,000. A note is pinned to it that reads: “This check is only redeemable at the First Evergreen Bank and Trust. Ask for Mr. Tippen. He will complete the transaction and have you sign the necessary papers.”
3. Brooklyn has a crazy dream of her father and her at Xmas; learns he died that very morning. #9 & 3 Brooklyn is in a extremely heightened world: lights, sights and sounds of Christmas amped up. She is ice skating effortlessly. Her father is also a world-class skater. The two skate a dramatic routine together. Brooklyn wakes up from the magical world and finds herself alone in bed. Hour later, over coffee, she gets a call from her father’s lawyer, informing her he passed and she is the executor of his will.
4. Brooklyn receives file on her computer. Opens it; it’s her dad’s eulogy w/ commentary. #10 & #5 The video files opens with the priest saying a few words, sprinkled in between his platitudes, the commentator’s take on things: sarcastic, insightful, damning. Commentator makes it sound his Brooklyn’s father was a no good, drunkard…. This reinforces the lies her mother told her…. She goes there and discovers the truth.
5. Brooklyn hears on national news, a man dies saving 2 children from a wolf attack; it’s her dad. #3 & #2 Making dinner, TV on for background noise. She hears the name “Joshua Caine Murray” and is all ears. She runs into the other room and listens to the commentator summarize what took place. The news feed cuts to a local crew in Evergreen, showing the place where the attack took place, Joshua’s gallery and ends with a nice photograph of the man. News anchor comes back on and says, “For those two little children, Joshua’s selfless act of heroism became a Christmas miracle.”
6. Brooklyn’s dad, dead in a snowdrift. He was drugged (by antagonist) Richard for the gallery. #3 & #7 CLOSE UP of a dead man lying in a snow bank. Covered in snow, bottle of whiskey in his hand, it appears he passed out and froze to death. CUT TO: Coroner’s office, Exam table – man appears fit and trim, still he’s dead. Tox-screen comes back; he didn’t die from an alcohol-related death. He was rufied: Xanax along with flunitrazepam were found in his system.
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[III] Number them and tell the type of opening it is.
1. Brooklyn opens a letter from a law firm informing her that her father died. #3 & #1 2. Brooklyn gets a certified letter w/ a huge check, note says she can only cash it in Evergreen #3 & #1 3. Brooklyn has a crazy dream of her father and her at Xmas; learns he died that very morning. #9 & 3 4. Brooklyn receives file on her computer. Opens it; it’s her dad’s eulogy w/ commentary. #10  5. Brooklyn hears on national news, a man dies saving 2 children from a wolf attack; it’s her dad. #3 & #2 6. Brooklyn’s dad, dead in a snowdrift. He was drugged (by antagonist) Richard for the gallery. #3 & #7
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Day 1 – What Makes a Great Opening? – Assignment
Mike O – Loves this opening
What I learned doing this is the importance of setting the stage, so to speak. Drawing the reader into the script and the world you have created requires a “hook.” The opening scene for me must be innovative, insightful and visually create a “shock-and-awe” vibe. The twist is a good facet, I normally go from opening scene which spills into the inciting incident. Good to have this “tool” to improve the first ten pages.
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1. Pick a great opening from a script you enjoy.
I picked the “Tomorrow People” by Julia Plec. I like her work. Her and JJ Abrams scripts I read and reread…
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2. Paste 3 – 5 pages of the opening scene into an email and note how it shows the basic structure of great openings.
1st page: Provocative opening A character named John is robbing a building at night
3rd page: Twist After John trips an alarm, not only has the building security coming to investigate but men from a organization called Ultra appear and are supernatural like John.
5th to 10th page: Inciting Incident The Ultra agents begin chasing after John. They knock out the building security guard and follow John through the building. John transports himself out of the 40<sup>th</sup> floor window and reappears on the sidewalk below
By the 10th page: We know what the story is about.
We know there is at least two factions who have supernatural powers. One called Ultra, which is hunting John and Cara, whom we assume are rogue operatives or people born with these powers who are not part of Ultra. There is also an additional mystery element in that whatever John stole (a file) Ultra wants it as well. The file contains a person with abilities, who we later learn is the protagonist.
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ACT ONE
ESTABLISHING: NEW YORK CITY. AN OFFICE TOWER. THINK NAKATOMI PLAZA (AKA THE DIE HARD BUILDING).
INT. OFFICE TOWER — HALLWAY – NIGHT
FORTY STORIES UP, A SHADOW slips around a corner. It’s after hours. Whoever this is, shouldn’t be here. TRACKING with him down the hall we ANGLE ON a motion detector TURNING RED.
INT. LOBBY – MOMENTS LATER
CUT TO A SECURITY GUARD at his post. Reacting to a SECURITY SCHEMATIC ON A COMPUTER. A RED LIGHT blinking.
SECURITY GUARD (INTO WALKIE)
Code up on the top floor. Standby. I better check it out.
Swapping walkie-talkie for his GUN, he EXITS.
INT. DARK ROOM – INTERCUT
CUT TO CARA, early 20s. Her beautiful, anxious face lit by a COMPUTER with the SCHEMATIC. She’s hacked into the system.
CARA
Nice. You just tripped an alarm.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK AS THE SHADOWY FIGURE steps into the light. REVEAL JOHN, late 20s, handsome, cool under pressure. We assume that he and Cara are talking VIA EARWIG.
JOHN
Whatever. I’m almost there.
As John reaches a perpendicular hallway. Right or left?
JOHN (CONT‟D)
Which way am I going?
BACK WITH CARA.
CARA
(speaking to someone O.S.)
Pull up a floor plan of the tower —
CUT TO JOHN. Cara’s VOICE in his ear.
CARA (V.O.)
TIM says there’s someone in the east elevator. You gotta bail.
Service elevator’s to your left…
But John spots a sign: “Medical records” pointing RIGHT.
JOHN
(glibly ignoring Cara)
Right it is…
BACK WITH CARA, pissed.
CARA
TIM says you’re an idiot…
BACK WITH JOHN, reaching the DOOR at the end of the hall. Marked MEDICAL RECORDS. Only it’s locked. And not an ordinary lock, a sophisticated electronic keypad.
CARA (CONT‟D)
Let me guess… It’s locked?
CLOSE ON JOHN as we hear his thoughts. For future reference all telepathic conversation will be in italics.
JOHN
You musta read my mind…
CLOSE ON CARA, responding telepathically… And sardonically.
CARA
I also read the mind of the guy in the elevator who’s got a gun.
BACK WITH JOHN looking over his shoulder at the ELEVATOR, uh oh.
INT. ELEVATOR – NIGHT
CUT TO THE GUARD, READYING HIS GUN. Almost to John’s floor.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK WITH JOHN. BING. AS THE ELEVATOR OPENS BEHIND HIM.
He’s TRAPPED. But just as the security guard steps out… JOHN VANISHES INTO THIN AIR…
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS…
ONLY TO REAPPEAR ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE LOCKED DOOR. WTF?
INT. HALLWAY – INTERCUT
The guard surveys the EMPTY HALLWAY. Huh. That’s weird. He holsters his gun. Relaxing, raising his walkie-talkie…
SECURITY GUARD
(into walkie talkie)
False alarm.
But when the guard turns around towards the elevator, he finds THREE SUITED MEN standing behind him. Dressed like government agents. Where the hell did they come from?
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D)
(reaching for gun)
Hold it right there…
ONLY TO FIND HIS HOLSTER EMPTY. PULL BACK from his confused expression as WE REVEAL HIS GUN FLOATING IN MID-AIR. Next to his head. Just… Levitating.
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D)
What the — ?
CLOSE ON THE LEAD AGENT, flanked by the other two. Staring at the levitating gun… Like he’s controlling it.
LEAD AGENT
Let me help you with that
–Before the guard can react, lead agent plucks the gun out of mid-air and CLOCKS THE GUARD in the head. He’s out cold.
BACK WITH CARA. Reacting to the live feed. She goes ashen.
CARA
Something’s wrong…
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Meanwhile, we CUT TO JOHN flipping through a file cabinet. He finds what he’s looking for, a MEDICAL RECORD. Bingo.
CARA (V.O.)
(get out of there)
ULTRA’s in the building…
BACK WITH JOHN. Cara’s warning comes too late. A VOICE
VOICE (O.S.)
I’ll take that file.
John slowly turns. The agents fan out. Surrounding him.
LEAD AGENT
It’s over, John…
THAT’S WHEN JOHN TURNS AND RUNS STRAIGHT TOWARDS A WALL.
About to hit it when WHOOSH, HE DISAPPEARS. But these agents know the drill. Chasing John they reach the wall and VANISH.
INT. ADJACENT OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING on John’s heels. Arms pumping, John eyes two sets of FILE CABINETS. He runs between them.
ON THE AGENTS following. THE DRAWERS FLY OPEN. SMASH, TWO AGENTS GO DOWN. BUT LEAD AGENT DUCKS, SLIDING UNDER THE DRAWERS, LEAPING BACK TO HIS FEET.
John looks over his shoulder. Damn. This guy is good. He spots a nearby window. Runs towards it.
AT THE WINDOW, John gazes on the STREET… FORTY STORIES DOWN. A moment of focus before HE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS…
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING ON THE STREET BELOW. Only it’s like he ran the distance. John staggers towards a SUBWAY ENTRANCE. WHEN LEAD AGENT APPEARS ON THE STREET BEHIND HIM. Still trailing.
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3. Tell us anything you feel makes that opening stand out.
The manner in which the supernatural element is introduced into the script. It has an almost natural feel, nothing forced. Their powers seems “normal” to me, just as walking and talking are normal activities for us. Also, the chemistry between John and Cara is well done. Not heavy-handed, but enough to tell us they are an item, if not a couple.
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Mike O – 3<sup>rd</sup> Act Structure
What I learned doing this is… the 3<sup>rd</sup> act structure, the various tools at a writer’s disposal to keep his creativity in check; it all works in concert to create the script that a producer wants to make into a movie.
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[I] Answer the 5 questions below so you have a good understanding of the foundation that needs to be considered as you create your ending.
1. What is it that fascinates you about this story? The idea that ‘love finds a way.’ ————————————————————————
2. What is the main conflict of the story? Protagonist must forgive what has happened, embrace her father’s legacy, and accept the love she that has literally show up on her door step. ————————————————————————
3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist? Goal – to become a recognized painter; Need – to be in love ————————————————————————
4. What is the character arc of your main characters?
a. Brooklyn (protagonist) – she begins indecisive, a workaholic who exhibits OCD behavior under stress, she is non-confrontational throughout the movie as she deals with she loss of her father. At the crisis point, we see Brooklyn take a stand, she has figured out what is truly important in her life.
b. Tarek (love interest) – He starts off an over-protective single father who falls instantly for Brooklyn, not sure if it’s love at first sight, or his need to have his family whole again. His friendship with Brooklyn develops into more and Tarek realizes she is part of their family.
c. Richard (antagonist) – He begins the movie a womanizer, he is clearly manipulative. A sociopath who wants to be rich, doesn’t matter how he becomes wealthy. His obsession with paintings, with discovering talent and being a part of it makes him incapable of letting go of Brooklyn’s gallery. Greed is his undoing as he decides if he can’t have the gallery, no one will. He steals the paintings he loves, then burns the place to the ground. ————————————————————————
5. How do you want this movie to end? Upbeat: happy-ever-after, love finds a way. ————————————————————————
[II] Give a short description of how each of these structural steps will occur in your script.
[1] Plot Point 2 – End of Act Two, the Low Point, Tarek (love interest) collapses, his boys call Brooklyn
[2] Crisis – Decision Point: Int. Vehicle – Brooklyn sees the charred remains, is stunned; sheriff talks w/ her. Brooklyn tells herself: “Richard is going to pay.” Looks at her reflection in the rear view mirror and says, “Smile, your on candid camera.” Forced, she is not going to let it go, not going to be run off forced to make a huge choice — usually between her goal (acclaimed painter) and her need (to be in love, to have a place to call him, set down roots)
[3] Climax – Protagonist & Antagonist face off. Brooklyn and Richard square off. They trade insults, he hands her the updated insurance policy with his name on it. She presents him with photos from the surveillance system she had installed. Sheriff waits in the wings, steps in and arrests Richard.
[4] Resolution – Effects of climax: Richard is arrested, Tarek and his boys & Carolyn and her family all celebrate Christmas at Brooklyn’s father’s cabin. Tarek proposes to Brooklyn.
[5] Final Page – Final minute of the movie. We see
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
CHRISTMAS MUSIC playing, CRACKLING of cedar logs in the fireplace. On the mantle, Santa’s mug and cookie plate, minus the cookies and fudge. Under the tree, dozens of presents sit in wait.
We TRACK past the scene taking place and move toward a self-portrait of Joshua hanging on the far wall, next to Brooklyn’s recent painting of the meadow we just left.
HOLD ON Joshua’s expression… Did he just smile?
Brooklyn, in slippers and a house robe. Tarek and his boys on the couch, in their pajamas. Bed head, the lot of them. Everyone with a cup of hot cocoa.
TYLER (points to mantle) “See Brandon, told you Santa would come.
Brooklyn walks over and retrieves the mug and cookie plate.
BROOKLYN (holds plate up) “You’re right. I think he has as big a sweet tooth as you do.
TAREK “That’s up to Brooklyn. We’re in her house, son.
BROOKLYN “Yes, you may.
Tyler, hardly able to contain himself, points to the presents.
TYLER “What are you waiting for?
TAREK “One at a time, you know the rules. Tyler, would you go get my camera, it’s in the bedroom on the dresser.
Tyler’s on his feet and moving toward the guest bedroom.
SERIES OF SHOTS
A) Tyler tearing into a present.
B) Tarek snapping off photos.
C) Brandon rips off the wrapping, pulls a Swiss Army knife.
D) Brooklyn, more careful and restrained, opens her present holds up a tee-shirt, it reads: Monopoly Queen.
E) Tarek shakes his present, holds it up to his ear. Inside, a pair of slippers. He tries them on. Perfect fit.
BACK TO SCENE.
Tarek points to a present propped against the mantle.
TAREK “Brandon, give that one to Brooklyn.
Brandon picks it up carefully knowing what’s inside having helped his dad wrap it. He hands it to Brooklyn who thanks him with her eyes.
Tyler, scrunched up against her: wanting to see, wanting to help. They UNWRAP the gift together.
CLOSE ON FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH of Brooklyn with her first Christmas tree.
BROOKLYN (choked up) “Thank-you, guys.
She gives Tyler and Brandon a HUG, Tarek a KISS, then places it on the fireplace mantle.
Tarek gives Brandon a “thumbs-up,” turns to Tyler with a finger pressed to his lips, shushing him. It is clear he is a man who shares decisions with his family, a father who has spoken to his sons regarding what’s about to transpire. Brandon grabs the camera and steps back.
With her back to them, Brooklyn takes a moment to regain her composure.
Tarek reaches into his camera bag and pulls out a small, black-felt box — struggles to get down on one knee — holds it out in front of himself as Brooklyn turns around.
TAREK “Brooklyn, since you came into my life, I’ve been blessed. I love you and want to spend my life with you, if you’ll have me?”
Brooklyn: her hand covering her mouth, says at a whisper:
BROOKLYN “Love finds a way.
She takes a faltering half-step, then another, unaware Brandon is capturing it on film.
CAMERA LENS – POV
Brooklyn’s joyful smile; her eyes aglow… curtain of hair engulfing Tarek, still down on one knee, as she smothers him in a hug. CLOSE ON Tarek sliding the diamond ring on her finger.
TAREK “Brooklyn will you marry me?
BROOKLYN “Of course I will.
HOLD ON their KISS…
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
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Day Nine – Writing Great Endings – Exchange Papers – Assignment
Mike O – Completed Third Act
What I learned doing is that the ending and the beginning are intrinsically linked. You have to know your ending, the type of ending you want as it determines the beginning of the script, the bread crumbs, the plot points, the set-ups and pay-offs, everything has to coincide with the outcome. I always believed the ending would “appear” as the story wrote itself, so to speak. I had about half of the tricks at my disposal, but had no idea the linkages and how crucial they are.
It is time to bring your screenplay’s ending to a close. After a week of learning, today is the point where you can bring it all together and finalize the structure of your 3rd Act. In the assignment below, you’ll get the chance to show the actual work you’ve done in this class and the amazing ending that you are writing.
As always, don’t worry about being perfect. You are in a process and as long as you keep doing the work, you’ll have the breakthroughs you need to turn your ending into something you’ll be very proud of.
ASSIGNMENT
——————–Show us your final act by giving us one paragraph on each of the following:
1. SETUP: Give us a paragraph or two about the first two acts so we’ll understand the story.
Act One – Protagonist, Brooklyn, on-the-verge of being “discovered” as a painter, struggles with the loss of her estranged father. Having to leave her home and her art studio, to go deal with her father’s estate, she is forced out of her comfort zone.
Act Two – Brooklyn learns who her father was and falls in love with a single father named Tarek. She also discovers her father’s right-hand man, Richard, is out to take her father’s art gallery from her.
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2. PLOT POINT 2 — A major twist that sends the story towards its final destination. Brooklyn returns ‘home’ to meet with a very wealthy client who loves her work.
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3. CRISIS — The decision point. Brooklyn gets a text from Tarek’s son that Tarek is in the hospital. She leaves Chicago and returns to her father’s hometown and to Tarek who is recovering in the hospital.
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4. CLIMAX — Bring the Protagonist face to face with the Antagonist to face his biggest fear. Brooklyn confronts Richard (antagonist) with proof that he was the arsonist who burned down the art gallery.
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5. RESOLUTION — Show the effects of the climax and tie up loose ends. Richard is arrested, Brooklyn decides to stay in her father’s town, to marry Tarek and start a new life.
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6. FINAL PAGE — The final minute of the movie.
SERIES OF SHOTS
A) Tyler tearing into a present.
B) Tarek snapping off photos.
C) Brandon rips off the wrapping, pulls a Swiss Army knife.
D) Brooklyn, more careful and restrained, opens her present holds up a tee-shirt, it reads: Monopoly Queen.
E) Tarek shakes his present, holds it up to his ear. Inside, a pair of slippers. Laughing, he tries them on. Perfect fit.
BACK TO SCENE.
Tarek points to a present propped against the mantle.
TAREK “Brandon, give that one to Brooklyn.
Brandon picks it up carefully knowing what’s inside having helped his dad wrap it. He hands it to Brooklyn who thanks him with her eyes.
Tyler, scrunched up against her: wanting to see, wanting to help. They UNWRAP the gift together.
CLOSE ON FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH of Brooklyn with her first Christmas tree. Choked up, Brooklyn mutters:
BROOKLYN “Thank-you, guys.
She gives Tyler and Brandon a HUG, Tarek a KISS, then places it on the fireplace mantle.
Tarek gives Brandon a “thumbs-up,” turns to Tyler with a finger pressed to his lips, shushing him. It is clear he is a man who shares decisions with his family, a father who has spoken to his sons regarding what’s about to transpire.
Brandon grabs the camera and steps back.
With her back to them, Brooklyn takes a moment to regain her composure.
Tarek reaches into his camera bag and pulls out a small, black-felt box — struggles to get down on one knee — holds it out in front of himself as Brooklyn turns around.
TAREK “Brooklyn, since you came into my life, I’ve been blessed. I love you and want to spend my life with you, if you’ll have me?
Brooklyn: her hand covering her mouth, says at a whisper:
BROOKLYN “Love finds a way.
She takes a faltering half-step, then another, unaware Brandon is capturing it on film.
CAMERA LENS – POV
Brooklyn’s joyful smile; her eyes aglow… curtain of hair engulfing Tarek, still down on one knee, as she smothers him in a hug.
CLOSE ON Tarek sliding the diamond ring on her finger.
TAREK “Brooklyn will you marry me?
BROOKLYN “Of course I will.
HOLD ON their KISS…
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7. FINAL LINE/IMAGE — An image or line that delivers the meaning of the whole movie. Final image is of Frosty the Snowman.
ZOOM in on the ping pong ball ornament. HOLD ON Frosty, the snowman as he WINKS at us.
END OF SHOW
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Day 8 – Parting Words and Visuals – Assignment
Mike O – Amazing Final Line
What I learned by doing this is options allow for creativity and for combinations or pairings. Again, as with the previous assignment, I have found that I can use and will use a combination of: (1) the final image tying it all together and what the whole movie is about; (2) W hear the one thing that the protagonist wouldn’t say or swore she wouldn’t say.
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1. Brainstorm ways to do each of the following with your story. And if you have to change your entire third act to do each of them, do it. Why? Because it might just give you the amazing ending you hope for.
[I] Directly answer the main question the entire movie is about. Magic of the season as embodied by Frosty the snowman
[II] Finally we hear the one thing that the character wouldn’t say in the movie. Brooklyn says, “Love finds a way” to herself as she is being proposed to.
[III] Solve the puzzle. Frosty, the magic of the season, Christmas miracle, love finds a way.
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2. Select the best final line/image and write the final scene.
INT. CABIN – CHRISTMAS MORNING
CHRISTMAS MUSIC playing, CRACKLING of cedar logs in the fireplace. On the mantle, Santa’s mug and cookie plate, minus the cookies and fudge. Under the tree, dozens of presents sit in wait.
We TRACK past the scene taking place and move toward a self-portrait of Joshua hanging on the far wall, next to Brooklyn’s recent painting of the meadow we just left.
HOLD ON Joshua’s expression… Did he just smile?
Brooklyn, in slippers and a house robe. Tarek and his boys on the couch, in their pajamas. Bed head, the lot of them. Everyone with a cup of hot cocoa.
TYLER (points to mantle) “See Brandon, told you Santa would come.
Brooklyn walks over and retrieves the mug and cookie plate.
BROOKLYN (holds plate up) “You’re right. I think he has as big a sweet tooth as you do.
SERIES OF SHOTS
A) Tyler tearing into a present.
B) Tarek snapping off photos.
C) Brandon rips off the wrapping, pulls a Swiss Army knife.
D) Brooklyn, more careful and restrained, opens her present holds up a tee-shirt, it reads: Monopoly Queen.
E) Tarek shakes his present, holds it up to his ear. Inside, a pair of slippers. Laughing, he tries them on.
BACK TO SCENE.
Tarek points to a present propped against the mantle.
TAREK “Brandon, give that one to Brooklyn.
Brandon picks it up carefully knowing what’s inside having helped his dad wrap it. He hands it to Brooklyn who thanks him with her eyes. Tyler, scrunched up against her: wanting to see, wanting to help. They UNWRAP the gift together.
CLOSE ON FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH of Brooklyn with her first Christmas tree.
BROOKLYN (choked up) “Thank-you, guys.
She gives Tyler and Brandon a HUG, Tarek a KISS, then places it on the fireplace mantle.
TAREK gives Brandon a “thumbs-up,” turns to Tyler with a finger pressed to his lips, shushing him. It is clear he is a man who shares decisions with his family, a father who has spoken to his sons regarding what’s about to transpire.
Brandon grabs the camera and steps back.
With her back to them, Brooklyn takes a moment to regain her composure.
Tarek reaches into his camera bag and pulls out a small, black-felt box — struggles to get down on one knee — holds it out in front of himself as Brooklyn turns around.
TAREK “Brooklyn, since you came into my life, I’ve been blessed. I love you and want to spend my life with you, if you’ll have me?
Brooklyn: her hand covering her mouth, says at a whisper:
BROOKLYN “Love finds a way.
She takes a faltering half-step, then another, unaware Brandon is capturing it on film.
CAMERA LENS – POV
Brooklyn’s joyful smile; her eyes aglow… curtain of hair engulfing Tarek, still down on one knee, as she smothers him in a hug.
CLOSE ON Tarek sliding the diamond ring on her finger.
HOLD ON their KISS…
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
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Day 7 – Final Pages with Impact – Assignment
Mike O – Final Page
What I learned doing this is… that combining several of these structures worked wonders for me! I had a wonderful break through combining the “SetupPayoff” and the “Contrast final page” made the script’s ending which was really strong to begin with a whole lot better! Thank you, Hal.
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[I] Take a look at your final pages and write up a paragraph showing how each of these could possibly work for your story.
A. The Setup / Payoff final page – The Ping-pong Ball that Brooklyn picks up off the floor in the start of the movie. It’s been forgotten, something her cat chewed on before running off. It is alone, scarred. Brooklyn feels it represents her life. On the final page, we see Brooklyn give the ping-pong ball, which she has turned into an ornament, to Tyler (love interests’s 7 year old son) to hang on her Christmas tree. He examines it. On one side Brooklyn has painted a Christmas tree, on the other side, a Snow Man. Tyler hangs it on the tree. ZOOM in on the ping-pong ball ornament as Frosty, The Snowman WINKS at us.
B. The Contrast final page – Christmas morning, the love interest and his two small sons show up on Brooklyn’s door. She is excited, hopeful. (Remember, in the hospital the day before, Brooklyn told him to spend Christmas eve with Beth (his old girl friend) and then to come to her place on Christmas morning to let him know who he plans to move forward with, and who he plans to just be friends with. Brooklyn lets them in, Tarek and the boys stand there in their coats, it looks as if they’ve come to say goodbye and are not staying. Then, as if on cue, Tarek and his sons, whips off their winter coats revealing goofy Christmas sweaters and holler, “Surprise!” Note: Brooklyn is really into goofy, over-the-top Christmas sweaters. Tyler hands Brooklyn a poorly wrapped present and says, “This one’s for you. Remember you said, “A Christmas sweater makes all things better.” BRANDON (adds) “I picked it out.” Brooklyn opens the gift, holds up a brightly colored Sweater. On the front, Frosty the Snow Man, all decked out. Giving us a WINK. THIS SCENE TIES IN with the final set-up and pay off perfectly!!!
C. The Climax/Resolution final page – Brooklyn’s confrontation with Richard at the restaurant where she first met him for dinner, ends with her showing him photographs of Richard stealing paintings, and torching the place. We have the sheriff standing behind Richard, we have Carolyn walk in and sit with Brooklyn at the table then when the sheriff puts the handcuffs on Richard and walks him out, we have Tarek walk in. He goes over and kisses Brooklyn, then drops to one knee and proposes to her. We have Carolyn standing nearby. After Brooklyn says “yes,yes of course I will.” Carolyn claps and says in a jolly voice, “Love finds a way. It always does.” (This comment harkens back to her comment to Brooklyn at the start of the script).
D. The “Something good is going to come out of this mess” final page – Tarek tells Brooklyn on Christmas morning standing in her kitchen TAREK “Last night’s pot roast turned out to be pork. Presentation was first rate, it fell off the bone. In a word, tempting. But I’m a man who loves his sweets.” BROOKLYN “Oh, are you now. And just what succulent something do you have in mind?” TAREK “Packed a lot of fudge. But, at this moment (he pulls out two candy canes) these should go perfectly with the morning’s hot cocoa.” Brooklyn throws her arms around his neck and whispers, “I might’ve lost the gallery and my father’s legacy, but you being here; something wonderful came out of this mess that’s been my life of late.”
E. The “One last gesture” final page – Brooklyn takes the shoe box filled with all her father’s letters to her that were sent back to him by her spiteful mother and buries them next to his grave. Brooklyn tells her dad, “I have you here (hand over her heart) I don’t need any reminders. I have you with me at all times.”
F. The Shock final page — Have Ruby walk into Alan office (the town’s attorney) and present him with a legitimate deed to the Babbling Brook Gallery. Show him reading over the document, looking up and telling Ruby, “I will let Brooklyn know.” RUBY “I contemplating tearing the deed up. I really did. In speaking with Mr. Canaday (white-haired gent who tore into Brooklyn when she went to the restaurant to meet with Richard) he pointed out the fact that Joshua and I had a life, a love and that the gallery is his legacy to me.” ALAN “Now that it’s been burned to the ground, I don’t think she will put up a fight. I have it on good authority, she doesn’t need the insurance money.”
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[II] Choose your favorite and write the final page. Submit that to the group along with your answers to question 1 and 3.
My favorite is the combination of the “SetupPayoff” and the “Contrast final page”
EXT/INT. CABIN – CHRISTMAS MORNING
ZOOM in on the ping-pong ball ornament. HOLD ON Frosty, the snowman as he WINKS at us.
The screen turns to a million snowflakes as end-of-show credits roll.
THE END.
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Day 6 – Rules for a Great Ending – Assignment
Mike O – Rules
What I learned doing this is the possibilities are predetermined by what you set up in the first two acts, you need to have a plan, a predetermined goal. The ‘things’ and inspiration that comes with the writing out the scenes will add to it because you have an outline, a framework to keep you from ‘wandering’
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Fulfill the last three rules of Great Endings in the following methods:
RULE 5. Don’t go On-The-Nose. — Check the current version of your 3rd Act and tell us where you highlighted any on-the-nose dialogue or action.
I am changing it from a Happy and too predictable/formulated ending to an Ironic ending. So Tarek, the love interest’s medical emergency happening in Chicago when he flew in to see Brooklyn and surprise her is being rewritten. Tarek is going to have the ruptured Appendix at his cabin, preventing him from surprising Brooklyn… TWIST. Also, when Brooklyn goes to see Tarek at the hospital, she sees Beth, his old flame, leaving his room. She goes in and tells Tarek, he should spend Xmas eve with Beth, and then Xmas morning with her and make a decision. He argues there is no decision to make, I have chosen. Then that is something you need to convey to Beth in person and in a way that doesn’t destroy Christmas for her. Tarek relents, understands.
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RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential location for the conflict. — Brainstorm possible locations for the best setting for your climax. Show us your list of possibilities and tell us which you’ve picked.
1. The café where she first came to town and had lunch
2. The sidewalk outside the ruins of the art gallery (too on the nose)
3. Veneration – the restaurant and bar where Brooklyn met Tarek for dinner and saw who and what he was.
* Given the symbolism, the quintessential location is Veneration. After all, it’s where Brook says to Carolyn after she shows Richards the photos and sheriff arrests Richard, “Schooled him on his own playground.” Earlier Brooklyn says to herself at the restaurant watching Richard flirt, “I’m in Casanova’s playground.”
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RULE 7. Must keep us guessing to the very end. — Tell us at least three things you’ll do to keep us guessing to the end.
1. Brooklyn tells her love interest (Tarek) to spend Christmas eve with Beth (his old girl friend) then Christmas with her. He has to decide, she won’t be a consolation prize. Brooklyn tells Tarek, “She came here, brought you flowers. She obviously cares, you need to be honest with her and with yourself. Go, have your pot roast and spend the evening with her. Christmas morning, you’re welcome to come by my place.
2. Brooklyn is not sure she will stay in Evergreen now that the Gallery has been destroyed. Her legacy, her tie to her father is gone. The house is just that without a family…. Again, hinges on Tarek and his boys…
3. Carolyn and her family are staying at the cabin with Brooklyn. She sees the cabin is meant for a family, not one person….Carolyn asks Brook if she’s staying or coming back to Chicago. Brooklyn says, “It depends, just depends…. Carolyn WINKS mouths: he’ll come for you. Love finds a way.”
4. Carolyn’s son, Tommy, stands at the window, says: “There’s a big four-by-four coming up the road.”
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Day 5 – Setting Up Your Endings Powerfully – Assignment
Mike O – Powerful Setups
What I learned doing this assignment is endings are set up, they don’t just happen. You must craft them from the onset. I have always written happy endings and so I naturally set them up. Learning the other two ending types and the hybrids that you can create is awesome.
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Write the setups for your ending using these steps: Looking at your current ending, generate ideas on how you can set it up powerfully using each of these techniques. Try to come up with at least one setup for each of the techniques below.
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[1] BUILD THEIR REPUTATION = Most movies are Protagonist against Antagonist. For the final conflict to be meaningful, the reputation of both sides needs to be built up.
The protagonist (Brooklyn) opening scene with her best friend and gallery owner, Carolyn.
CAROLYN “You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up…” BROOKLYN “Turns out he’s married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting —does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval.”
The antagonist (Richard) is built up by Brooklyn’s powers of observation and by the man’s own actions.
Brooklyn sees Richard FLIRT with the hostess: notes the confidence, his self-assuredness and perfect smile. Even the flakes of snow in his hair look staged. Clearly, his good looks have been opening doors for him since adolescence or earlier. Brooklyn waits until he looks to the bar to WAVE him over. There is an unsettling predatory swagger to his stride.
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[2] JUSTIFICATION FOR THE FINAL ACTIONS = There needs to be strong enough justification for us to root for the Protagonist when they take the final actions. If there isn’t, it often falls flat.
Richard cyber-stalks Brooklyn, verbally intimidates and humiliates her. He takes it a step further and vandalizes the gallery, then forges her father’s signature on a quick claim deed, when that doesn’t work, he steals the valuable paintings in the gallery then burns the place to the ground to collect on the insurance policy he updated and put in his name.
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[3] CAST DOUBT ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE FINAL ACTIONS = The more you cast doubt about the success of the Protagonist, the more the audience will want to see them finally accomplish it.Brooklyn doubts herself as a business woman, she cannot see herself running the gallery, she vacillates between selling and having her best friend and gallery owner in Chicago run it.
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[4] DISCUSS THE FINAL ACTIONS OPENLY = just having the characters discuss the final outcome will have us wonder. Especially, if they plan and then the plan later goes wrong.Brooklyn tells Richard she is keeping the Gallery, not selling, not leasing or renting it to him, that it is her legacy from her father. This pushes Richard to steal the valuable paintings inside the gallery, then to burn it down.
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[5] TWISTS THAT TAKE IT AWAY = Creating a shift in direction often causes us to worry & wonder about the outcome.
Brooklyn getting into an argument with Tarek, taking the rich patron up on his offer and flying back to Chicago to discuss some paintings she will do for him. It looks as if she has run-away from the relationship she started with Tarek (which is her MO . set up in the opening scene where we learn from Carolyn that Brooklyn doesn’t stay with anyone long).
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[6] ALTERNATE HOPE/FEAR = Give us hope that it can happen, then fear that it won’t happen
Tarek’s son, Brandon, texts Brooklyn that he father is in the hospital. “He’s in ICU, something inside him burst.” This news forces Brooklyn to make a decision. We, the audience, now have hope that they will get back together.. Brooklyn’s ultimatum at the hospital brings on the doubt and fear. Will Tarek decide to get back together with Beth, or will he take a chance on Brooklyn.
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[7] CREATE AND PAY OFF EMOTIONAL SETUPS = There is a complete structure for writing emotional setups and paying them off.
The whole good versus evil: Richard versus Brooklyn and the stunts Richard pulls to try and get his “way” is the main emotional set-up and his arrest the pay-off we all want to happen.
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[8] SUSPENSE AROUND THE OUTCOME = The key to suspense is to promise something, then delay the event.
Brooklyn tells Tarek when he’s in the hospital that he needs to spend Christmas eve with Beth, then Christmas morning with her before he makes a decision. She won’t be anyone’s consolation prize. I have a drawer full of consolation ribbons and runner-up plaques. My art is my life and in my life, I won’t settle for second best. Not any more.” She walks out.
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Day 4 – Six Kick-Ass Endings – Assignment
Mike O – Kick Ass Endings
What did I learn from doing this… that the creation and recreation hinges on how you write your ending. I will always review my endings after the first draft and recreate it if I find a better ending or combination of endings. For me, it has become a great tool for beginning my review of a first draft.
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[I] Try on each of these structures for your ending. To do that: One at a time, brainstorm ways to use each Kick Ass ending for your story.
1. The Ultimate Confrontation
2. Return Home, Only it is Different
3. End with a Future
4. Major Layer Uncovered
5. Good Guy Wins after Much Pain and Risk
6. Great Protagonist Strategy———————————————————————
[II] Write a brief paragraph or two showing how you might use each of the possible endings.
(1) Ultimate Confrontation – Brooklyn (protagonist) has a face-to-face with Richard (antagonist) about him burning down the art gallery. He believes he got away with it and is presenting Brooklyn with the updated insurance policy. Brooklyn has a series of photographs showing Richard committing the arson. Brooklyn has set up the meeting: she has the sheriff waiting and her best friend, Carolyn walking in as she delivers Richard the photographs.
(2) Return Home, Only it’s Different – Brooklyn returns to Chicago after being in Wintergreen, CO., for only a week. She feels different, the place does not feel like home. It feels as if she’s an outsider.
(3) End with a Future – Brooklyn has Christmas morning at her cabin: everyone is there. Tarek proposes to her, their life together is officially off to a roaring start.
(4) Major Layer uncovered – I don’t have one in this script. It is a Holiday feel-good script.
(5) Good Guy Wins After Much Pain – minor amount of that: the set backs and back-stabbing that Richard pulls par for the villian’s MO. His burning down her gallery is the most noteworthy evil, he pull.
(6) Great Protagonist Strategy – Brooklyn doesn’t have a strategy. She just paints with passion and is a workaholic believing hard work will win out in the end.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
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Day 3 – Happy, Tragic or Ironic? –Assignment
Mike O – Three Endings
What I learned by doing this is that the ending is the culmination of the entire script. Personally, I love-love-love happy endings and so forcing myself to think and to write a tragic ending is a leap of faith. The ironic ending is intriguing and the one where I think/feel/know I will have insights and a “breakthrough” or two that I can use in the script (even if I stay with my ‘happy’ ending) as twists and turns in Act three. AFTER DOING THIS, I AM GOING TO GO WITH AN IRONIC ENDING!!!!!
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[I] Write out the following things for the UP ending, the DOWN ending, and the IRONIC ending:
Up Ending:
(1) Beginning of 3rd Act. Upbeat. Brooklyn (protagonist) shares with Tarek (love interest) her plans for the paintings she is about to undertake for an ultra-rich client.
(2) Twists.
A. Brooklyn doubts herself, afraid she will hurt Tarek, his sons, or they will be hurt or worse. B. Tarek shows up at her studio unannounced and surprises her in a good way.
C. Tarek’s appendix ruptures, he is rushed to hospital, almost dies! Brooklyn has his 2 boys w/ her
D. Brooklyn has flashback to her mom’s time in the hospital and her death there, same hospital!!
(3) Crisis. Her Gallery is burned to the ground. She drives up and stares at the rubble. It’s arson.
(4) Climax. Brooklyn faces Richard after the gallery is burned to the ground. She has proof he did it. Richard is caught off guard and is subsequently arrested by the town sheriff.
(5) Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both. Brooklyn gets both her goal (become a “known” artist on the rise) She also fulfills her need, (to be in love and have that love reciprocated)
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Down Ending:
(1) Beginning of 3rd Act. downbeat. Brooklyn (protagonist) shares with Tarek (love interest) her plans for the paintings she is about to undertake for an ultra-rich client. He gets jealous, insinuates that the rich man gets the prize. She leaves his house pissed off: at Tarek for thinking that, at herself for sharing that with him. Her career, her business! Tells herself he’s just jealous.
(2) Twists
A. Brooklyn shows up at Iverson’s office, they go over his ideas, she tells him come by the studio tomorrow night, that he won’t be disappointed. Hint of flirtation, tells herself “Mom, you were right. Great providers trump puppy love”
B. Tarek tries to get a hold of her, she isn’t answering her phone. He decides to fly to Chicago, to apologize, to explain himself.
C. Tarek finds the studio, sees a limo parked. He sees them leave, sees Iverson kiss Brook.
D. Tarek leaves Chicago, his worst fear realized. He chastises himself all the way back to Colorado.
(3) Crisis Brook’s Gallery is burned to the ground. She drives up and stares at the rubble. It’s arson.
(4) Climax Brooklyn faces Richard after the gallery is burned to the ground. She has proof he did it. Richard is caught off guard and is subsequently arrested by the town sheriff.
(5) Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both. Brooklyn gets both her goal (become a “known” artist on the rise) She does NOT realize her need to be in love! She foresakes love.
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Ironic Ending:
(1) Beginning of 3rd Act. Upbeat. Brooklyn (protagonist) shares with Tarek (love interest) her plans for the paintings she is about to undertake for an ultra-rich client.
(2) Twists.
A. Brooklyn doubts herself, afraid she will hurt Tarek, his sons, or worse.
B. Tarek packs to go to Chicago, his appendix ruptures, he is rushed to hospital, almost dies! C. Brooklyn shows up at Iverson’s office, they go over his ideas, she tells him come by the studio tomorrow night, that he won’t be disappointed. Hint of flirtation. She tells herself “Mom, you were right. Great providers trump puppy love”
D. Brandon tries to get a hold of Brook, she isn’t answering her phone. Leaves a voice msg. re: his dad.
E. Iverson is not interested in Brooklyn sexually, just her art. She is ashamed of herself, of what she did
F. Beth shows up at hospital w/ flowers. Boys hug her, are close, remember her.
G. Brooklyn shows up at the hospital, sees Beth leave; starts to leave, decides to fight for what’s right.
H. Brooklyn goes in, talks with Tarek, make-up. Both apologize. She tells Tarek, you spend Xmas eve with Beth, then come over on Christmas Day and we will revisit this conversation.
(3) Crisis. Brooklyn faces Richard after the gallery is burned to the ground. She has proof he did it. Richard is caught off guard and is subsequently arrested by the town sheriff.
(4) Climax. Brooklyn faces Richard after the gallery is burned to the ground. She has proof he did it. Richard is caught off guard and is subsequently arrested by the town sheriff.
(5) Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both. Brooklyn gets the fame she is after and she is able to hang onto the love she started.
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Day 2 – Structure of the Third Act – Assignment
Mike O – 3<sup>rd</sup> Act Structure
What I learned doing this is… my third act is a let down. It had no surprise yet relatable twist whatsoever. I have to work this process and come up with a viable third act. I love my climax and resolution, it is the second plot point and the crisis which need beefing up.
[I] Answer the 5 questions below so you have a good understanding of the foundation that needs to be considered as you create your ending.
1. What is it that fascinates you about this story? The healing power of love, the magic that it brings into a person’s life.
2. What is the main conflict of the story? Will the protagonist choose or love? Will she allow herself to be in love?
3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist? Her main goal is to become a recognized artist, her main need is love, to be in love
4. What is the character arc of your main characters? Protagonist begins …. Ends up a successful artist who is in love; Antagonist begins arrogant and condescending, ends up going to prison; Love interest, begins as an overprotective single father, ends up in love with a nuclear family.
5. How do you want this movie to end? Happily ever after, true love wins out.
[II] Give a short description of how each of these structural steps will occur in your script.
1. PLOT POINT 2 — A major twist that sends the story towards its final destination. Brooklyn letting Iverson know she has someone in her life. She is not interested in him romantically.
2. CRISIS — The decision point. Brooklyn’s love interest, Tarek collapses; he is sick. Brooklyn leaves her gallery, her life’s work, to be with him and to take care of his two sons.
3. CLIMAX — Bring the Protagonist face to face with the Antagonist to face his biggest fear. Brooklyn faces Richard after the gallery is burned to the ground. She has proof he did it, is caught off guard and is subsequently arrested by the town sheriff.
4. RESOLUTION — Show the effects of the climax and tie up loose ends. Brooklyn is able to get rid Richard, move forward with her career and her life as Tarek proposes to her on Christmas morning.
5. FINAL PAGE — The final minute of the movie. Montage of the wedding, the kids and all the characters from the movie.
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Day 10 – Applying Advanced Dialogue To Your Script – Assignment
Mike O – Kick Ass Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that the cumulative effects of using the various dialogue tools you have shown us has greatly improved the quality of my dialogue. I now think in these terms when crafting a scene. Thank you!
ASSIGNMENT 1
Please fill out the Evaluation Form and send it back to me. I use these to get feedback on how the class went for you so I can keep improving it and to find quotes for promoting the program. If you don’t want any quotes used, you can say no to the question that asks your permission to use your comments.The Evaluation Form is the next email you’ll receive. Just fill it out and send it back to me at mailto:hal@ScreenwritingU.com
ASSIGNMENT 2
Using the ADVANCED DIALOGUE SKILL MASTERY SHEET that will arrive after this email, write a scene incorporating most of the skills we’ve worked with so far by performing these actions.
[I] Give us the following information: (1) Name and Character Traits for the two main characters; (2) Set up for the situation.
[II] Select a Dialogue Structure and write the scene.
[III] Do a pass over the dialogue, focusing on one set of dialogue skills at a time.
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Name: Brooklyn Murray (protagonist)
Character traits: 1) workaholic 2) romantic 3) indecisive 4) hungry for fame
Name: Tarek Bennett (love interest)
Character Traits: 1) honest 2) protective 3) family man 4) Scheming
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INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch enjoying the fire and a second glass of wine. The boys are in bed.
TAREK “I can’t afford it. I’m between jobs — careers actually.”
BROOKLYN “You can stay at my place. I’ve plenty of room.”
Long pause as Tarek considers.
TAREK “I’m sorry, I can’t. Airfares this time of year are murder. (off her expression) When’s your flight? You need me to drive you to the airport?”
BROOKLYN “I haven’t made reservations yet.”
TAREK (what) “You sure you can get a flight?”
Brooklyn takes a drink of wine, sets the glass down and leaves the couch to stand before the fireplace.
BROOKLYN (eyeing the flames) “It’s a private jet.”
TAREK “Oh, I see.”
BROOKLYN “I’ll be back before Christmas. Promised Tyler we’d make fudge for Santa’s cookie plate. Can’t let the big guy down.”
Brooklyn finds Tarek standing behind her.
TAREK “And your client, he will be okay with flying you back?”
Brooklyn faces him.
BROOKLYN “He’s a billionaire; it’s not his only jet. I’m sure it’s fine.”
TAREK (casual, too casual) “Seems you have it all in order.”
BROOKLYN “I do. Tomorrow night we’ve my tree to decorate and a Monopoly rematch.”
TAREK “Indeed we do. Gloves are coming off this time.”
BROOKLYN (mischievous grin) “They call that bare-fisted, right? ‘Fight club’ lingo if memory serves. Any ideas for dinner — pot roast, perhaps?”
Tarek chuckles hahaha, grabs Brooklyn and TICKLES her. The two wind up in one another’s arms, on the couch.
BROOKLYN (whispers) “It’s not what you think.”
TAREK “What is it you think I’m thinking?”
BROOKLYN “You got this worried look when I said billionaire.”
TAREK “Been my experience rich people get what they want.”
BROOKLYN “He purchased three of my paintings. (kisses his cheek) I’m can’t be bought.”
TAREK (grins) “Could have fooled me the way you play Monopoly.”
BROOKLYN “Touche’ Had that coming after my pot-roast crack.”
TAREK (brushes strand of hair out of her face) “So, the old proverb ‘a way to a woman’s heart is with diamonds,’ doesn’t apply?”
Brooklyn kisses the tip of his nose.
BROOKLYN “I’m not saying I can’t be bought. Think sweets, not gems.”
TAREK “So cookies, cake and candy?”
BROOKLYN (arms around his neck) “I’m a hybrid, I run on chocolates and wine.”
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Day 9 – Creating Colorful Dialogue – Assignment
Mike O – Colorful Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that it another tool at a writer’s disposal. Dialogue is in my opinion, the single most important facet to master in script writing.
1. Write a scene where two characters oppose each other.
2. Go back through and look to see how you can use each of these Colorful Dialogue Formats in the dialogue.
– Take to extreme
– Poetic
– Unique Naming
– Jargon
– Write emotionally
– Contradictory statements
– Strange conclusions============================================
INT. CORNER TABLE – LATER
Brooklyn glances out the window: snow falling, pines swaying. In a word, amazing! Sitting across the table, Richard. His nonchalance a pretext. Before them, their entrees.
BROOKLYN “I heard you are interested in the gallery.”
RICHARD “I’m not sure this is the time or place, but since you broached the subject, what were you thinking?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know: rental contract, lease agreement, lease-to-own? I’m not sure if I want to sell, or take over where my father left off.”
Richard reaches for his wine, gives a thoughtful pause while savoring the Merlot.
RICHARD (lies) “Your father and I were business partners. Believe you will find papers to that effect in the office. Where, Lord knows, Joshua was lax with organization. Neither of us went to college for business. “
Richard flashes a charming smile as the waitress returns with a water pitcher. He waits while she refills their glasses.
RICHARD “Joshua and I worked well together. Acquisitions, appraisals and client signings, my area of expertise. Marketing, promotions and showings, your father’s focus.”
Brooklyn, knife in hand, slices into her steak. CLOSE ON the BLOOD leaking out of the New York strip.
Richard, lips red with wine, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin. The princess-cut diamond on Brooklyn’s index finger holds his gaze. Knowing the clarity, cut and worth gives him pause.
RICHARD “I would never have guessed you like your meat bloody. Red is the color of romance. (B ‘Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.’”
BROOKLYN “A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act One, Scene One, if I’m not mistaken. For me, red represents power and courage.”
RICHARD (Mona Lisa smile) “Artists need a lot of both.”
BROOKLYN (counter-punches) “You interested in renting, or do you have something else in mind?
RICHARD “I’m just the hired help. After all, what does a salesman know about business besides the ABC’s:(off her look) Artists, Buyers and Commissions. At the moment, I’m still processing your father’s passing.
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Day 8 – Subtext Pointers From “you’ve Got Mail!” – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned from doing this assignment is this ‘tool’ allows me to give the reader/audience another level and/or insight into the character’s mindset.
1. Select a scene that has two components: (A) Something is hidden that……is part of a conflict between the two people.
2. Write the scene using as many of the Subtext Pointers as you can.
3. Go back over the scene to check two things: First, the audience gets the meaning which may require some direct statements or a clear setup. Second, see if there are other places you can use Subtext Pointers.
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EXT/INT. BAKERY SHOP – DAY
Richard walks blithely up the shoveled and salted entry steps to the bakery door. He pauses as his hand closes over the antique brass door pull bar. Eyeing the ‘We’re Open’ sign in the window he says,
RICHARD (under his breath) “Of course you are, Beth. Wide open like vegemite.”
Bombarded with the smells of pastries baking, Richard wears his kid-in-a-candy-store expression as he approaches the counter.
BETHANY “Good morning, Richard. The usual?”
RICHARD (waggles a finger no) “I’m going to change it up, this morning. How about a couple of bear claws. One is for my new boss, big city girl from Chicago. Joshua had a daughter, who knew.”
BETH “I heard the gallery had changed hands. How’s that going?”
RICHARD “Lot of ideas that girl. She’s an artist, so real world (makes face) working on it.”
Beth, not sure what Richard is referring to, says in reply:
BETH “Let me get those claws for you. Traditional? Almond? Or Raspberry?”
Richard walks up to the glass display case, his eyes lock on pink filling oozing out of the raspberry claw.
RICHARD “Traditional for me.(points to pastry oozing pink) that one for Miss Brooklyn. “
BETH “You sure, that one is a little overfilled.”
RICHARD “Full of itself, that’s the one.”
He waits until Beth is digging into the display case to ask,
RICHARD “Did you know Tarek is back in town?
Beth’s face lights up.
BETH “I didn’t. He must’ve just got in.”
RICHARD (casually) “Not sure when he arrived. I know he was at Joshua’s cabin yesterday. I went out to have Miss Brooklyn sign some documents. He was there with his boys having dinner. Didn’t want to impose, so I left.”
BETH “I see. Makes sense; after all, they’re practically neighbors, and Joshua and Tarek were real close.”
She sets the bear claws in a to-go box.
BETH “I whipped up a batch of cream cheese infused with cinnamon and sugar. Want to give it a try?”
RICHARD “Sugar and spice, and everything nice (beat – thinks) Don’t believe daddy’s girl needs any prompting.”
Richard walks over at the register, lays a twenty dollar bill on the counter. Look of puzzlement:
RICHARD “It’s odd that I never met the daughter. Don’t recall Joshua ever talking about her. (flirty smile) These look delish. (picks up box) Keep the change. Us locals have to look out for one another.
BETH “You’re right. And thank-you, Richard. You’re a good friend.”
RICHARD “I know how outsiders and big box stores operate: real friendly while getting their foot in the door. It changes things. Mother used to say about interlopers: ‘they’re unwelcome, unwanted and untrustworthy.’ Not the sort you want to get in bed with.”
Richard leaves the store smiling his smile.
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Day 7 – Dialogue Cover-Ups – Assignment
Mike O – Cover-Ups
I learned doing this is how invaluable for rewrites when you need/want/should give your character an edge, some ‘twist’ that draws the reader and/or audience into identifying with that person.
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Scene: Richard (antagonist) is throwing a party at the gallery without telling Brooklyn (protagonist) and the new owner. He has invited Tarek (love interest) and Tarek’s old girl friend, Beth, while pretending to not know Brooklyn and Tarek are an item.
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PAN AWAY FROM THE CROWD, across the room to Tarek standing at the front door. He catches Brooklyn’s eye and mouths: hello. He starts across the room, Beth intercepts him, hands him a glass of champagne.
BETH “I’m really glad you’re here.”
Brooklyn walks up as Beth asks:
BETH “You free tomorrow night for dinner? Pot roast, your favorite.”
Richard arrives (flute filled with blood-colored champagne) says with mock gayety.
RICHARD “Beth, you look ravishing, my dear. Have you met Brooklyn?
BETH “No, I haven’t.(extends hand) Welcome to Wintergreen.”
RICHARD (turns to Tarek) “Have you met Brooklyn?”
Beth looks up at Tarek, slips her arm around him.
BETH “She has Joshua’s eyes, don’t you think, hon?”
TAREK (visibly uncomfortable) “Uh-huh.”
RICHARD “Don’t you two make a cute couple. (turns to Brooklyn)Beth has purchased a couple of pieces from us in the past. Got a real head for talent, isn’t afraid to go after what catches her eye.”
BROOKLYN (body blow) “What do you prefer: acrylics, colored pencil, oil or water color?
BETH “Last painting I bought was a Jean Shelton.
RICHARD (interjects) “It was indeed. Mourning Doves Mating, evocative piece. (re: Brooklyn)She is a fabulous water-color artist, hales from Montana. Great gal. Been with us five years come next month.”
Brooklyn turns to someone waving hello and acknowledges the woman with a head nod.
BROOKLYN “Beth, it was a pleasure. I should meet and greet the other patrons.
RICHARD “Mingle, darling.(shooing hand gesture) Get to know our clients. Your father was a regular chatty Kathy.”
Furious, Brooklyn walks off.
CAMERA HOLDS on Richard’s smirk as he watches Brookyn leave. He SIPS the blood-colored champagne, says in parting to Beth and Tarek,
RICHARD “I’ll leave you two crazy love birds alone.”
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[1] Silence. Brooklyn listens to Beth, doesn’t ask about her preferences in paintings.
[2] Action incongruent with words. Brooklyn turns to Richard and says, “Great party.” Leans in, whispers: “Red is also the color of blood, you Judas.” Turns and walks off.
[3] Change subject. Brooklyn, “I love seascapes done in water-colors. The translucence is best captured using water colors.”
[4] Question them. Brooklyn, “So, Beth, how long have you been going out with Tarek?”
[5] Attack back. Brooklyn, “You two enjoy. I’ve got to meet and greet. Saw someone I would like to get to know better.”
[6] Complement them. Brooklyn, “I have to agree with Richard; you two make a darling couple.”
[7] Threaten them. Brooklyn, “Richard, a word if you please.”
[8] Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not. Brooklyn, “Dating, isn’t it such fun.”
[9] Misdirection. Brooklyn, “I’ve a client in Chicago who is a genius with water colors. Give me your email address, I’ll send you some of his work.”
[10] Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event. Brooklyn begins humming, then sings the verse: “He’s making a list and he’s checking it twice, he’s going to find out who’s naughty or nice.” Brooklyn walks off waving her hands as if conducting an orchestra.
[11] Distraction. Brooklyn, “Is Alan here? I promised him a drink. He is going to give me a guided tour of your lovely little town.”
[12] Make a joke of it. Brooklyn, “Pot roast, you say. I’ve a great slow roasted recipe. Takes hours, give you love birds plenty of time to (smiles) you know…”
[13] Continue the conversation as if nothing happened. Brooklyn,“Meet and greet, name of the game. I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
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Day 6 – Dialogue Structures – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is…. Realism in dialogue, can’t always rely on perry and thrust; need to change it up, keep the characters “real” I do a lot of mental multi-tasking and therefore can relate to these dialogue structures.
[I] Write a scene using one or more of the dialogue structures listed here:
1. Circular dialogue – one or more characters begin a subject, are interrupted & circle back to their original subject.
2. Metaphoric dialogue – two characters are doing & talking about something that actually represents something more important to them.
3. Two different conversations at the same time – Person (A) talks about one thing. Person (B) talks about another.================================================
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch enjoying the fire and a second glass of wine. Brandon and Tyler in bed.
TAREK “Everything okay, you got quiet?”
BROOKLYN (stares into wine) “I’ve a client who wants me to start work immediately… As in day after tomorrow.”
TAREK “That was the text you got?”
BROOKLYN “I want you to come: see my place, my work, see Carolyn’s gallery. Have you ever been to Chicago?”
TAREK “I’d love to…”
BROOKLYN “But?
TAREK “I can’t afford it. I’m between jobs — careers actually. “
BROOKLYN “You can stay at my place. It’s just me.”
Long pause as Tarek considers.
TAREK “I’m sorry, I can’t. Airfares this time of year are murder. (off her expression) When’s your flight leave? You need me to drive you to the airport?”
BROOKLYN “I haven’t made reservations.”
TAREK “Sure you can get a flight? This close to Christmas it’ll be next to impossible.”
Brooklyn takes a drink of wine, sets the glass aside as she leaves the couch to stand before the fireplace.
BROOKLYN (her back to him) “It’s a private jet.”
TAREK “Oh, I see.”
BROOKLYN “I’ll be back before Christmas. I promised Tyler we’d make fudge for Santa’s cookie plate. Can’t let the big guy down.”
She finds Tarek standing behind her.
TAREK “And your client, he’s okay with you flying back so soon?”
BROOKLYN “He’s a billionaire; it’s not his only jet. I’m sure he won’t mind. Besides, we’re just feeling each other out… What I mean, is we’re going over ideas and themes. He’s intense and very passionate about what he wants. I have to figure out what he really desires, not what he says he wants.”
TAREK “Sounds intimate, I mean intense. Getting inside someone’s head like that, can’t be easy.”
BROOKLYN “That’s the reason for the consult. It will require several rounds of preliminary sketches before we’re there. He’s not an easy man to please. (off his look) As an architect, I’m sure you had clients that were more difficult than others.”
TAREK “Well put. I did. Seems you have everything in order.”
BROOKLYN “I do. And tomorrow night we’ve my tree to decorate and a Monopoly rematch.”
TAREK “That we do.”
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Day 5 – Anticipatory Dialogue – Assignment
Mike O – Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of enticing and drawing the reader in via anticipatory dialogue. I never thought much of this tool, until now. Again, dialogue is a key component in script writing and understanding the various facets that go into crafting superior dialogue is a must!
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[1] Create a scene that sets up a future problem. In it, use as many forms of Anticipatory dialogue as you can. Here’s a list that will help you.
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time.————————————–
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – NIGHT
Richard sits across the desk from Brooklyn. The two in mid-conversation.
RICHARD “Imagine my surprise when I discovered your work. It’s good quite good in fact. I love the repressed sexuality, the eroticism hidden in the composition. (gives a Chef’s kiss) That unrequited lust is evident clear down to the brush strokes. It is just a matter of time.”
BROOKLYN “My what?! It’s passion that drives my art, not lust.”
RICHARD “And there’s a difference?”
BROOKLYN “One involves the heart, the other is just a dirty urge. A sexual desire devoid of love.”
RICHARD “Best art comes from broken hearts. (look of secrecy) You’re about to find that out.”
BROOKYN “Wow, you’re quoting Carrie Fisher to me?”
RICHARD “It’s not a quote or a prediction, it’s historical fact: Rodin, Frida Kahlo, Edvard Munch, Jackson Pollick’s wife. (coy smile) If I were to hazard a guess, I give it six months, a year tops.”
Richard lifts up, out of the chair, gives the desk and piles of papers a dismissive glance.
RICHARD “Chow.”
BROOKLYN “I’ll lock up.(good riddance) Good night.”
Brooklyn watches him stroll out of the office. Creeped out, she SHIVERS, goes over and closes the office door.
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Day 4 – Contrasting Dialogue – Assignment
Mike O – Contrast Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is juxtaposing an environment or scene location with a character’s dialogue can create a dichotomy. It can also enhance the message being delivered by the character(s) in that situation. Again, depending upon the desired effect, you can craft it either way.
[I] Write a scene where there is a contrast between the dialogue and the action/visuals in some way.
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INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
We are looking down, into a kitchen with its granite counter tops and high-end appliances from OVERHEAD: Tarek stands next to the sink, his attention on the task at hand. Brooklyn, amidst the canisters of flour and sugar, is manning a large mixer.
TAREK (separating out egg yolks) “What do you think of the Keto diet?
Brooklyn, pouring a cup of melted butter into the mixing bowl of sugar and flour, replies,
BROOKLYN “Like any diet I suppose, it is a quick fix. (turns on table mixer) “I prefer portion control and moderation (pours in a carton of heavy cream) over diets and going without.”
TAREK (teases) “And for the rest of us who don’t have any self-control?”
BROOKLYN “There’s walking, swimming, hiking. It’s beautiful here. If I lived here, I would be exploring every trail I could find.”
TAREK (teases) “And have you?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t live here; it’s cold and snowy out there; third, it is the season for –-
she grabs a sugar cookie off the platter by her elbow and holds it out for Tarek.
— sugar and spice and everything sweet.”
With a don’t-mind-if-I-do smile, Tarek takes a bite. Brooklyn finishes what’s left of the cookie. A telling moment.
BROOKLYN “Like I was saying, portion control.”
In footie pajamas and wearing a chocolate mustache, Tyler comes tearing into the kitchen.
TYLER “See dad, Miss Brooklyn thinks like I do. (looks up at Brooklyn) Did you know there isn’t a desert I haven’t met that I don’t like.”
BROOKLYN (warm-hearted grin) “I’m with you on that.”
She kneels and the two desert aficionados high-five.
TAREK “I see that you’ve been into the fudge. Did you leave any for us?”
TYLER (thinks fast) “Two pieces, dad. One for each of you. Like Brooklyn said, portion control.”
TAREK (disapproving frown) “You ate that entire plate of… you’re kidding right? And were you eavesdropping on our conversation?”
TYLER (gotcha grin) “There’s half a plate of fudge left, and I wasn’t listening in, you got a loud voice.”
TAREK (looks to Brooklyn) “That’s a first. Whenever I ask if they’ve done their chores, they don’t hear me.” (re: Tyler) Little Freddy Fudge Face here has a sweet tooth and selective hearing.”
Tarek hands Tyler the plate of sugar cookies.
TAREK “Remember, no more than three cookies per box.”
TYLER “I know, or we will run out.”
TAREK “Portion control.”
TYLER “What about the Robinsons, they have three kids and granny Ruth lives with them.”
TAREK “Okay, okay, a cookie per person.”
Satisfied, Tyler leaves the room with the platter of cookies.
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Day 3 – More Character In My Dialogue, Please – Assignment
Mike O – World View Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is…. The drivers for realistic characters comes from symbols, from using subtext and crafting a world view that reaffirms their character traits and defines the rationale behind their actions and motivations.
[I] Write a scene where a character displays their World View. For each character, list the following like I did above:
Character Name: Brooklyn (protagonist)
World View: Art is love, it defines creation and is mankind’s one saving grace. Life Metaphor: I am an artist
Rules and Strategies: (1) Live your art, (2) paint from your soul, (3) don’t paint for a buck ever!
Justifications: (1) Painting runs in the family ————————————————————-Character Name: Richard (antagonist)
World View: I’m the smartest, best-looking person in any room Life Metaphor: I deserve to be rich
Rules and Strategies: (1) I am smarter and better looking therefore people want to be my friend, (2) There is always an angle in life, finding and using it is the key, (3) Everyone has a weakness, find it and use it. Justifications: (1) Using people is just smart business (2) I deserve the best in life because I am the best————————————————————-
Character Name: Tarek Bennett (love interest)
World View: Family comes first before love or success Life Metaphor: I am a father
Rules and Strategies: (1) My boys come first, (2) family is the most important thing in life Justifications: Being a parent means doing what is necessary, (2) It is just me, so stay safe=================================================================
[II] Write a scene where that character OVERTLY displays their World View and each of its components.
INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – DAY
SAME GIFT, pull back to reveal Tarek standing behind Brooklyn surveying the studio.
In the corner, a large industrial sink. Wooden placard above it reads: ‘Paint from your soul’. To the left of it, metal shelving with tubes of paints, trays of paint brushes, cans of turpentine, everything labeled, everything organized.
Against the adjacent wall, dozens of blank canvases arranged by size. Written in Old English script on the wall above them, a proclamation: ‘Art is love.’
On the cabinet to his right, a microwave, blender and toaster. Beside it, a refrigerator covered in decals.
In front of Brooklyn, six canvases on identical easels. The paintings in various stages of completion. Bolted into the wall in front of her, the name Hephaestus.
Brooklyn, in fuzzy slippers, baggy sweat pants and paint-splattered tee shirt, hair down and wild. Soft piano music plays in b.g. Overhead, light spills in through bank of clear-story windows giving the loft its cathedral-like solemnity.
The central canvas Brooklyn’s working on is covered in pencil lines, paint and partially completed scenes of ancient Roman life.
Fascinated. Intrigued. Tarek takes a step — about to say something — doesn’t. Instead, he walks slowly toward Brooklyn, gift in hand.
BROOKLYN (senses a presence) “Carolyn, you’ve got to stop sneaking up on me. (looks over her shoulder) OhmyGod, what are you doing here? (eyes wide) You came… You really came!”
Tarek holds out the gift-wrapped package.
TAREK “I brought you your Christmas present. Didn’t want it getting damaged in the mail.”
Brooklyn DROPS her paint brush and RUSHES to him. They come together in a long over-due KISS. In one another’s arms, Brooklyn suddenly realizes:
BROOKLYN “Oh no, I got paint on you, your shirt, it’s ruined.”
She rubs the yellow paint splotch making it worse. Tarek chuckles, takes her hands in his.
TAREK “It’s okay. We match. (gestures to her slippers) I see you’re still in the process of waking up. “
BROOKLYN “Come on, slippers are like curling up in a blanket or sipping hot cocoa. There is no right time of day.”
Brooklyn, her face beaming, eyes Tarek’s gift.
BROOKLYN (hangs a lip) “Just a peek. “
Brooklyn gestures one inch with her fingers. Tarek points to the name on the wall.
BROOKLYN(redirects) “How about a hint? A clue? (off him shaking his head) Can I buy a vowel?”
Tarek kisses the tip of her nose and as her arms go around him, he whispers,
TAREK “It’ll mean more if you wait.”
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Day 2: Expressing Character – Assignment
Mike O – Character Traits Live!
What I learned doing this assignment is the key words for the character trait keep me on point and I don’t try to make my characters too complex. They have to have one or two driving traits
1. Find a scene in your outline where two of your main characters are in a conflict with or against another character.
2. List all the characters and their traits at the top of the page in this manner.
Brooklyn – Protagonist: 1) workaholic 2) romantic 3) indecisive 4) hungry for fame
Tarek – Love Interest: 1) honest 2) protective 3) family man 4) Scheming
Richard Feldman – Antagonist 1) Manipulative 2) Sociopath 3) Wants to be rich 4) Loves fine Art
3. Tell us any setup that is necessary for us to understand the scene in one or two short paragraphs. No extra character description there.
4. Write your first draft of the scene, making sure the conflict is clear and all three characters are included.
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INT. GALLERY – NIGHT
Two dozen of Wintergreen’s finest are enjoying the soiree: NIBBLING on catered hors d’oeuvres, DRINKING champagne from crystal flutes while perusing the gallery’s latest offerings.
The marble champagne fountain with its cherubs and Renaissancesque accents is a hit.
RICHARD (loud voice) “Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention. (heads turn, conversations stop) First of all, thank you all for coming. (claps with vigor) I would like to thank Beth McGuire for providing us with these incredible hors d’oeuvres and canapes. (toasts to her) “Finest pastries in the Rockies.”
Clapping and murmurs of approval follow.
RICHARD “And for the incredible French champagne, we have Mr. Simons to thank. (lifts his flute) I don’t believe there is a liquor that Wine and Spirits cannot procure for your drinking pleasure. Thank you, Gene. You’re the best.”
Applause and toasts follow. Richard turns to Brooklyn who stands dumbfounded.
RICHARD “Everyone, I would like to introduce Joshua’s daughter. We have her to thanks for tonight’s get together. (big smile) “Also (pours entire bottle of Chambord into the fountain turning the champagne the color of blood) Over dinner the other night, Brooklyn reminded me that red is the color of romance, that it represents courage. (lifts his glass) In keeping with that sentiment, we now have a champagne well of kisses, French kisses to be exact. (chuckles ensue) To one of Chicago’s finest. We knew her father well.”
Cheers and clapping follow the introduction.
Tarek, late to the party, stands by the front door. He catches Brooklyn’s eye and mouths: hello. As he starts towards her, Beth intercepts him, hands him a glass of champagne.
BETH “When did you get in town?”
TAREK (surprise) “Little while ago.”
BETH “I’m really glad you’re here.“
Brooklyn walks up to Tarek as Beth asks:
BETH “You free tomorrow night for dinner Pot roast, your favorite.”
Richard arrives (flute filled with blood colored champagne) asks with mock gayety:
RICHARD “Beth, you look lovely, my dear. Have you met Brooklyn?”
BETH “No, I haven’t.(extends hand) Welcome to Wintergreen.”
RICHARD (re: Tarek) “Have you met Brooklyn?”
Beth looks up at Tarek, slips her arm around him and says,
BETH “She has Joshua’s eyes, don’t you think, hon?”
TAREK (uncomfortable) “Uh-huh.”
RICHARD “Don’t you two make a cute couple. (turns to Brooklyn) Beth has purchased a couple of pieces from us in the past. Got a real head for talent, isn’t afraid to go after what catches her eye.”
BROOKLYN (body blow) “What do you prefer: acrylics, colored pencil, oil or water-colors?”
BETH “Last painting I bought was a Jean Shelton.”
RICHARD (interjects) “It was indeed. The mourning doves mating, evocative piece. (re: Brooklyn) She’s a fabulous water-color artist, hales from Montana. Great gal. Been with us five years come next month.”
Brooklyn turns to someone waving hello and acknowledges the woman with a head nod.
BROOKLYN “Beth, it was a pleasure. I really should meet the other patrons.”
RICHARD “Mingle, darling. (shooing hand gesture) Get to know our clients. Your father was a real chatty Kathy.”
CAMERA HOLDS on Richard’s smirk as he watches Brooklyn leave. He sips the blood-colored champagne, says in parting to Beth and Tarek,
RICHARD “I’ll leave you two crazy love birds alone.”
5. Go back through and look at every line of dialogue, comparing it to traits you created earlier for that character. Wherever possible, put more character into the dialogue.
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Day 1- What Makes Dialogue Great – Assignment
Mike O – Great Dialogue Scene –
What I learned from this assignment is less is more when it comes to dialogue. Concrete verbs, hold the adjectives and always be thrusting and parrying.
1. Pick a 1 – 5 page scene of a script you love that you believe has great dialogue.
2. Paste the scene into an email and make a note every time you see an example of high quality dialogue. You’re invited to point out anything you believe causes that line to be exceptional in some way.
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From “Fringe” (pilot episode)
EXT. LOGAN AIRPORT – NIGHT
PUSH IN, past the (signature, three-dimensional) WORDS THAT
FADE IN: “LOGAN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – BOSTON” – this is an access gate –- three POLICE CARS are here, lights BLAZING, FLASHING in the night.
Olivia pulls up in her black hybrid Lexus, shows her creds.
OLIVIA “Olivia Warren, FBI.”
Guards check her ID, squawk walkies, wave her in. BOOM UP to reveal the JUMBO JET from the opening, a light-show of two dozen EMERGENCY VEHICLES, including a CRANE, surrounding it.
Olivia parks, gets out –- crosses half a dozen FEDERAL AGENTS, all ARGUING issues of protocol, information, jurisdiction. An angry, heated fight.
Olivia continues past them, met by 43 year-old fellow Agent CHARLIE FRANCIS.
CHARLIE “Inter-agency harmony and cooperation continues.”
OLIVIA “Who’s winning?”
CHARLIE “Langley by a nose. (then, re: jet) Flight out of Hamburg –- hundred and forty-seven passengers, towers lost contact three hours in. Thought there might’ve been some electrical interference, apparently they were flying in a hell of a storm. They entered our airspace radio silent -– Navy scrambled two F-18’s for escort. They reported stains on the windows…and no signs of life aboard the jet.
This stop Olivia –- she looks up at the jet –- the cabin is too dark for her to see anything.
[NOTE: The reference to a horse race and to the stupid bickering and fighting over which department can do what is well scripted]
OLIVIA “Stains?”
CHARLIE “Blood.”
[NOTE: I Like the way Abrams strings out the obvious. Stains as in blood stains. We the reader know what it is. Olivia’s needing clarification is a good touch. The scientist/medical background in her being revealed.]
OLIVIA “I’m surprised they let ‘em land –- “No signs of life” -– who was flying the plane, auto-pilot?
CHARLIE “Programmed to land right on schedule, which it did. Unlike every flight I’ve ever taken.”
[NOTE: Nice jab at the airline industry and their ability to be late coming or going.]
OLIVIA “If there was a decompression the windows would have frozen solid –- have they opened the cabin?”
CHARLIE “White House approved a CDC request for the jet not to be opened until they arrive.”
Behind them, a BLACK VAN arrives. The drive gets out – it’s JOHN, on a cell:
JOHN “let me assure you, we’d be happy to treat you like family too. (hangs up, grins) Good old NTSB. All like to think they’re cops.”
CHARLIE “Agent Scott.”
JOHN “Agent Francis –- (no special regard) Agent Warren.”
Their relationship, their secret. She turns back to Charlie:
OLIVIA “They must’ve looked in through the windows…”
CHARLIE “CIA did. Whatever the hell’s inside that plan made Special Agent McNeary throw up in front of his whole unit. And he’s a good man, that was embarrassing.”
A finger-to-mouth WHISTLE turns everyone to PHILLIP BROYLES, SPECIAL-AGENT-IN CHARGE from HOMELAND SECURITY. Broyles is a bureaucratic Hitler, with authority to puppeteer the Federal and International agencies on-scene:
[NOTE: We instantly get a feel for the type of man Phillip Broyles is. Description is a bit heavy-handed for my tastes, but effective.]
BROYLES “Although this is a join task force, this investigation will be run through HDS – I’m Special
Agent in Charge Broyles! DC has sent me here to make sure we get results. As soon as our friends from Atlanta get here we’re going in, one member from each agency on the starting line as follow –(reads a card) CIA: Baronoff! FBI: Francis! DHS: Pitts. Contagion precautions apply: level four HAZ-MAT suits, we should have your size in the van! Move!”
Agents on the move, Olivia, disturbed, goes after Broyles:
OLIVIA “Sir: Olivia Warren, FBI Inter-agency liaison, I’m EOD and NBC certified, I’d like to suit up too-
BROYLES “Liaison on an inter-agency taskforce. Gotta love that. Like powdered sugar on a glazed donut.”
[NOTE: True to form, Broyles is rude, sarcastic and demeaning. We instantly dislike this prick. Good job making us hate the guy.]
OLIVIA “Excuse me, if I’m gonna do my job effectively, I like my information first-hand -– that’s not redundancy, that’s accountability.”
BROYELS (sotto, threatening) “I know exactly who you are. You put my best friend in prison two years ago. (she’s stunned, louder:) You want in, Liaison? Suit up.”
And the bully walks off – Olivia watches him go, indignant.
[NOTE: He obviously holds a grudge. We the reader/audience want to know why the man was incarcerated and why Olivia had him incarcerated. Ending with this question in our minds is a great touch]
(LATER – SEVERAL SCENES)
OLIVIA “Have we reviewed video from the Hamburg Airport? We need to see if any passengers were
showing signs of illness –- and tell me that terminal’s shut-down. –yeah, a few hundred more: who’s point from CDC on the bone, tissue and air samples? -– no, but I’d like the whole report, not just this fax claiming that there’s no matches to any known pathogen or airborne virus –-
[NOTE: Olivia is obviously quite competent, thorough and good at what she does.]
BROYLES “on it’s way now, what the hell’s taking so long with the black box?–the terminal’s been down since oh-four-hundred local-—you got more questions? — Agent Paley, you want his home number? — we’re on that too, Liason —- we don’t think what happened on that plane was a result of the in-flight.
CHARLIE (gets off phone) “Back Bay PD got a call at oh-three-hundred from a guard-on-duty at a storage facility who saw two –-and I quote “suspicious Middle Eastern men” handing a white guy a briefcase.
BROYLES “That could be a purchase.”
AGENT #1 “you’re saying the plane was a demonstration of technology they sold later that night?
BROYLES “Maybe, maybe not –- wouldn’t be uncommon in the underground weapons trade—- (to Olivia) Liaison: take it, go find out.”
OLIVIA “take what? That? You want me to investigate that?
BROYLES (sarcastic) “Sounds like a hot lead-– you want to liaise? Now’s your big chance.”
[NOTE: Broyles is being true to character: a prick, a demeaning jerk to Olivia.]
Everyone heard that. An embarrassing moment, intended that way. She wants to lay in on him –- but instead:
OLIVIA “While I’m out, you want me to pick up your dry cleaning?”
[NOTE: Olivia, gives it right back but on a more sophisticated level. Not down in the dirt dirty like Broyles. Writer shows the difference between the two nicely.]
Some HOLY SHIT looks from a few -– the table uncomfortably freezes -– but Broyles fucking likes kickback and smiles:
BROYLES “Yeah, Honey, would ya mind?
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Day 8 – Multiple Meanings – Assignment
Mike O – Meanings
What I learned doing this assignment is the multiple meaning skill allows the writer to give the audience/reader multiple scenarios simultaneously and insight into character interaction and deception.
Write a scene where two or more characters have different reactions to the same event or dialogue. Follow these steps:
1. Follow the same structure I did at the top of the page. First, tell us the situation which is the basic setup for the scene.
Situation: Richard sets up a “get together” at the gallery without Brooklyn knowing. (1) Richard tells Tarek about it at the café after Brooklyn leaves in a huff. (2) Richard then calls up Beth, invites her, tells her, “Tarek is really looking forward to it, and you, of course. (listens) I know, it may seem that way, but he is a single father and those boys of his, he dolts over. Think he’s overcompensating…” Beth is excited, she thinks Tarek wants her but is busy with his children. Tarek is surprised and put on the spot by Beth showing up and hanging on his arm. Brooklyn is not told about the party, Richard just springs it on her as people are arriving. It is being catered, etc. Blindsided, Brooklyn learns about Beth from Richard who is catty and cunning. RICHARD tells Brooklyn, “Tarek and Beth, they make a cute couple. Don’t you think? She’s bought a couple of pieces from us in the past. She’s got a real eye for talent and isn’t afraid to pay what it costs.” BROOKLYN “I wished you would have given me the head’s up, this place is…” RICHARD “Fabulous, darling. Mingle, get to know your clients. Your father was a real chatty Kathy.”
2. Give us a list of the main characters and their motivations and/or perspectives that contribute to the scene’s multiple meanings.
[1] Richard (antagonist) is the puppet master. His motivations are greed. If he can’t get Brooklyn to sell the art gallery, he will make her life in their town miserable by running off her love interest (Tarek).
[2] Tarek (love interest) he thinks the invitation is Brooklyn’s way of apologizing for the spat they had at lunch. He is excited to see her and according to Richard, she is dying to see him as well.
[3] Beth, pastry chef who owns the town’s best bakery. She is in love with Tarek. They dated casually last year. Thanks to Richard who secretly told Beth that Tarek wants to take their relationship to the next level, Beth has come expecting romance.
[4] Brooklyn (protagonist) blind-sided by Tarek hosting the gallery party, learns that Beth, is or was Tarek’s girl friend. She is instantly suspicious. Tells herself: “After the way you talked to him at lunch, do you blame him.”
3. Then WRITE THE SCENE where the multiple meaning event occurs.
INT. GALLERY – NIGHT
Two dozen of the town’s finest are enjoying the soiree: NIBBLING on catered hors d’oeuvres, DRINKING French kisses in crystal champagne flutes while perusing the gallery’s offering.
The white marble champagne fountain with its cherubs and Renaissancesque touches is a hit.
RICHARD “I’d like to thank Beth McGuire for providing us with these incredible hors d’oeuvres and canapes. (toasts to her) “Finest pastries in the Rockies.” Clapping and murmurs of approval follow. “And for the incredible French champagne, we have Mr. Simons to thank. (lifts his flute) I don’t believe there is a liquor that Wine and Spirits cannot procure for your drinking pleasure. Thank you, Gene.” Applause and toasts follow.
Richard turns to Brooklyn who stands dumbfounded by it all.
RICHARD “Everyone, I would like to introduce Joshua’s daughter. We have her to thanks for tonight’s get together. (big smile) “Also (pours a bottle of Chambord into the champagne fountain turning the champagne the color of blood) Over dinner the other night, Brooklyn reminded me that red is the color of romance, that it represents courage. (lifts his glass) To one of Chicago’s finest. We knew her father well.”
Cheers and clapping follow the introduction.
Tarek, late to the party, stands by the front door. He catches Brooklyn’s eye and mouths: hello. As he starts towards her, Beth intercepts him, hands him a glass of champagne.
BETH “When did you get in town, Tee?”
TAREK (surprise) “Little while ago.”
BETH “I’m glad you’re here. “
Brooklyn walks up to Tarek as Beth asks:
BETH “You free tomorrow night for dinner? Pot roast, your favorite.”
Richard arrives and asks:
RICHARD “Beth, have you met Brooklyn?”
BETH “No, I haven’t.(extends hand) Welcome to Evergreen.”
RICHARD (turns to Tarek) “Have you met Brooklyn?”
Beth looks up at Tarek, slips an arm around him.
BETH “She has Joshua’s eyes, don’t you think?”
TAREK (uncomfortable) “Uh-huh.”
BROOKLYN (casual) “Don’t you two make a cute couple?
She turns to someone waving hello at her.
BROOKLYN “Beth, it was a pleasure.”
She walks off.
CAMERA HOLDS on Tarek’s smirk.
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Day 7: Language Patterns For Subtext – Assignment
Mike O – Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned is dialogue is the key to characterization. His or her actions give the audience visual cues, but their speech, use of the language and diction reveal the character’s motivations, machinations and allow the writer to create the set-up and pay-offs, and keep the audience guessing, intrigued and wanting more.
1. Look to your outline and find a scene where one or more characters are hiding something from each other or need to communicate a message but can’t be direct.
2. Write the scene using as many figures-of-speech as you can from this list:
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion3. Give your characters something to hide from each other or something they’re trying to uncover.
Richard (antagonist) is trying to tell Beth that her ‘man’ Tarek is attracted to his new boss, Brooklyn, (protagonist). That Brooklyn is a big city girl who doesn’t follow rules or respect boundaries..
4. Design the scene for subtext by using one or more of these designs.
I will use a combination of ‘something is off’ and ‘no one wants to tell the person.’
A. Misinterpretation
B. Dramatic Irony
C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person
E. A plot against another person
F. Competitive agendas5. Write it naturally, then go back, find places where you can rewrite the dialogue using the figures-of-speech.
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EXT/INT. BAKERY SHOP – DAY
Richard walks blithely up the shoveled and salted entry steps to the bakery door. He pauses as his hand closes over the antique brass door pull. Eyeing the ‘We’re Open’ sign in the door window he comments:
RICHARD “Of course you are, Beth. Of course you are. Wide open like vegemite.”
Bombarded with the smells of pastries baking, Richard does his kid-in-a-candy-store expression as he approaches the counter.
BETH (cheerful) “Good morning, Richard. The usual?”
RICHARD “I’m going to change it up, this morning. How about a couple of bear claws. (waggles a finger no) One is for my new boss, big city girl from Chicago. Joshua had a daughter, who knew.”
BETH “I heard the gallery had changed hands. How’s that going?”
RICHARD “Lot of ideas that girl. She’s an artist.”
BETH “A painter like her father?”
RICHARD “Nothing like Joshua. No boundaries. Painting, like life, has rules.”
Beth, not sure what Richard is referring to, says in reply:
BETH “Let me get those claws for you. Traditional? Almond? Or Raspberry?”
Richard walks up to the glass display case, his eyes lock on the pink filling seeping out of the raspberry claw.
RICHARD “Traditional for me. (points to pastry oozing pink) that one for Miss Brooklyn.”
He waits until Beth is digging into the display case to ask,
RICHARD “Did you know Tarek’s back in town?”
Beth’s face lights up.
BETH “No, I didn’t. He must’ve just got in.”
RICHARD (casually) “Not sure when he got here. I know he was at Joshua’s cabin yesterday evening. I went out to have Miss Brooklyn sign some documents and saw he was there with his boys having dinner. I didn’t want to impose, so I left.”
BETH (body blow) “I see… Makes sense; after all, Joshua and Tarek were real close.”
She sets the bear claws in a to-go box.
Richard meets her over at the register, lays a twenty dollar bill on the counter.
RICHARD “They were. It’s odd that I never met the daughter before now. Don’t recall Joshua talking about her – ever. (flirty smile). These look delish, as always Beth. (picks up box) Thank you. Keep the change. Us locals have to look out for one another.”
BETH (distracted) “You’re absolutely right. And thank-you, Richard. You’re a good friend.”
RICHARD “Thank you for that. I know how outsiders and big box stores operate: real friendly while getting their foot in the door, it changes things. Mother used to say about interlopers: they’re unwelcome, unwanted and untrustworthy. Not the sort you ever want to get in bed with.”
BETH “Absolutely. Your mother was a smart woman.”
RICHARD “That she was, bless her heart. That she was. Good day, Beth.” Richard leaves the store smiling vulpinely.
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Day 6 – The Cover Up – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue Cover ups
What I learned doing this assignment is: the dialogue, the scene and the character arc are all linked.
[I] Write a quick scene and end it with the need for a response from one character.
1. What is the meaning to convey? When she says “ “ Brooklyn is conveying meaning on two levels: (1) surface level, her wanting his boys to return as promised, also she is quite taken with them (2) wanting to see Tarek again and she is attracted to him.
2. What is the cover-up? Misdirection Brooklyn wants to see Tarek again, uses his boys as the reason for having him come back instead of telling Tarek how she feels.
3. When will the true meaning be revealed? During their parting conversation.
4. How will it be revealed? The real meaning is revealed in Tarek’s expression and Brooklyn’s tone of voice.
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2. Then give an example of how they might use each of the cover-up methods.
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
– Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.
– Action incongruent with words.
– Change subject.
– Attack back.
– Complement them.
– Threaten them
– Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.
– Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a different direction.
– Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.
– Distraction.
– Make a joke of it.
– Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.3. Pick the best response. Misdirection
4. Copy and paste the scene at the end, with the response you choose.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Brooklyn follows Tarek and the boys to their pick-up with its custom grille-guard bumper and oversized all-terrain tires. Tyler gives Brooklyn a bear hug.
She lifts him off the ground, returns the hug. Irrepressible, he whispers:
TYLER “My dad likes you – so do I.”
BROOKLYN (blushes) “Well, I like you guys too.”
Tyler kisses her on the cheek, then SQUIRMS to be let down.
BRANDON offers Brooklyn his hand. The two SHAKE.
BRANDON “You’re good. You can be my snowball partner any time.”
BROOKLYN “We make a good team.”
Brandon bumps fists, then turns away. He gives Tyler a hand getting in the pickup. The two disappear inside the cab.
Tarek walks up to Brooklyn.
TAREK “Thank you for your hospitality. And for the game of Monopoly. You are your father’s daughter. Don’t believe we ever beat Joshua more than a couple of times. The boys were impressed.“
BROOKLYN “Thank-you for the wonderful food. (hint of flirtation) “How can I get a hold of you — if something should go out? Being a big city girl and all.”
Tarek reaches for his wallet, takes out a business card.
TAREK “The office number and my direct line are no longer valid. The cell phone’s mine. Use that number. Anything comes up, call and I’ll come.”
Brooklyn pockets the card, steps close and the two hug.
TAREK “I’m sorry for your loss. Joshua was a wonderful man. “
BROOKLYN “It’s okay.(forced smile)You knew him better than I did.”
TAREK “I better get these kids home. A blizzard is nothing to take lightly.(points north) We have a cabin not far from here. We’ll have you over for dinner. Tyler’s quite the dessert chef.“
BROOKLYN “Love anything sweet.”
Brooklyn steps back, straps her arms across her chest. WAVES as they drive off.
BROOKLYN (chastises) “Good going, Brook. ‘Love anything sweet, what was that?’
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Day 5 – Symbols As Subtext – Assignment
Mike O – Symbol
Create two scenes. The first scene introduces a symbol and sets its meaning powerfully (steps 1 and 2). The second scene can be later in the movie and it is the place where the symbol is used to cause or show change (step 3).
Follow these steps: Give us whatever background we need, then fill in each of these three steps.
1. INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL through its meaning early in the story.
2. SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY enough so that just its presence will cause an audience response.
3. USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE in the characters or their situation. This is where a symbol is powerful.
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INT. BEDROOM – EVENING
Brooklyn undresses, finds her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers.
As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now. “
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm, able to feel and see the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
======SYMBOL’S IS INTRODUCED ABOVE MEANING IS SET BELOW ===========
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board. She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, what are the odds?”
She coincidence makes her smile. She looks off, loses herself in the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window. Too many to count, she is instantly entranced.
=================== 20 pages later===============
INT. FATHER’S CABIN – NIGHT
Exhausted emotionally, Brooklyn sits at the breakfast table and stares out the picture window.
Pursing her lips, she reaches for her purse, accidentally knocking it over.
SLOW MOTION as it TOPPLES off the table.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Car keys SPILL onto the floor.
2. Tube of lip gloss and hair ties follow.
3. Ping-pong ball BOUNCES away.
BACK TO SCENE
Ping-pong ball ROLLS across the room, comes to a stop under a bar stool.
BROOKLYN “Roll with it; that the message?”
With a SIGH, Brooklyn gathers up her stuff, retrieves the ball and returns it all to her purse.
=================== SCENE SHOWS THE CHANGE ===============
INT. FATHER’S CABIN – GREAT ROOM – NEXT EVENING
CLOSE ON dozens of Christmas bulbs, strands of colored lights, strings of popcorn, boughs of garland. Dripping tinsel, Brooklyn’s tree is to die for.
Brooklyn hands Tyler a small bulb.
BROOKLYN “Here, this one’s for you to put up.
Tyler makes a face.
TYLER “A ping-pong ball? (examines it) You painted a Christmas tree on one side and Frosty on the other.”
Tyler shows Brandon who nods and gives a thumbs up.
BROOKLYN “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured if we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.
TYLER “Especially with this ornament hook you glued onto it.
Tyler finds a spot and hangs the bulb.
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Day 4 – Designing Scenes For Subtext – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Scene
What I learned from this assignment is the importance of the process in furthering both the plot and character arc on a level that resonates with attendant meanings.
Assignment: Write a scene that is mostly subtext.
1. First, tell us any background we may need to know.
2. Answer the basic subtext questions about the scene.
1. What is the meaning of the subtext?
Meaning of the subtext that Brooklyn takes all forms of art serious. The fact Tarek does not see his photographs as ‘art’ or as being ‘important’ On a deeper level, it reflects his take on art as a viable profession.
2. What is the cover-up?
The cover-up is one of dramatic irony. Tarek does not know that Brooklyn is about to be highly compensated for her talent or that she has just been paid a LOT of money for her art as Carolyn’s gallery showing.
3. When will the meaning be revealed? Before, during, or after?
The meaning is revealed in the middle. From that point on, we know that Brooklyn is feeling Tarek out regarding art and its worth. calling. The subtext continues because Brooklyn does not let Tarek know what she is being paid or what she was paid for her ‘art.’
4. How will the meaning be revealed? During Brooklyn’s exchange with Tarek, she hints at what art generate besides beauty. It is later revealed to Tarek when he speaks with Carolyn, Brooklyn’s manager and personal friend, and she informs him how much money Brooklyn’s work is now worth.
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3. Pick one or more of the scene designs for subtext. I will use Dramatic Irony
A. Misinterpretation
B. Dramatic Irony
C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person
E. A plot against another person
F. Competitive agendas—————————————————————————-
4. Provide the answers to the first three questions above, then write the actual scene.
The Scene: Brooklyn runs into Tarek at a café, she tells him she came across a couple of his photos in the gallery and didn’t know he was their client. He downplays it, she gets angry at his attitude toward art and by extension artists.
BROOKLYN “I didn’t know you were an artist. Imagine my surprise when I discovered your work in the gallery.”
TAREK “Oh, that’s Richard’s idea. He’s quite a guy. We got to talking one day and he asked to see my work. He had me blow them up and get them framed.”
BROOKLYN “So, you’re one of his clients?”
TAREK “Client? No, no, no, I’m no one’s client. I didn’t sign any papers. (uneasy) Richard wanted to hang a few of my photos on the wall. If they sold, great. I have a couple at the local bank, one with Ruby, and one in my dentist’s office.
BROOKLYN (offended) “Really?! ‘If they sold, great?!’ You sound like my mother.”
Tarek is stunned by her outburst.
TAREK “They’re just photographs.”
BROOKLYN “It’s just ‘art,’ right. Not a real profession. Like selling Mary Kay, a hobby at best. Art generates more than just beauty and it takes guts to create from your passion.”
TAREK “Listen, I’m sure you’re a great artist. I’m not, I just take pictures. (looks over at his sons) Excuse me, I believe the waitress is ready to take our order.”
He walks off.
BROOKLYN (miffed) “Her name is Jainey and she makes jewelry.”
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Day 3: Subtext In Relationships – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is how staying focused on the subtext qualities automatically generates scenarios where the characters have to hide their true intentions from others in order to reach whatever goal or desire that is driving them.
1. Select three or more characters that will be in a relationship.
2. Write subtext loglines for each character, make sure their subtext interact w/ the other characters.
3. Put them in situations that will increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions.
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[I] The three characters that will be in a relationship:
(1) Brooklyn wants to be a famous painter;
(2) Tarek falls in love with her, wants Brooklyn to be his wife;
(3) Richard wants to con Brooklyn out of her father’s gallery, tries seducing her
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[II] Subtext loglines for each character:
(1) Brooklyn –talented artist who hungers for fame, for recognition and approval. She has a way to achieve fame, fortune and success, will she take it? (she is career-minded versus Tarek who is family-oriented)
(2) Tarek – attentive father who hungers for love, wants to be in love, desperate to find a wife for his sons.
(3) Richard – Womanizing sociopath who plans to steal the gallery from Brooklyn. He covets art, loves paintings, hides the fact he is a lousy painter and dropped out of famous art school. (Con-man versus their mark)
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[III] Situations that will increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions.
Brooklyn: (01) Learns her estranged father has passed, she is the executor and must go to a remote mountain town. (02) Discovers her father was wealthy, was a painter like her, and that he was well loved in the town. (03) Meets Richard at her father’s gallery. He was her dad’s assistant, an art connoisseur, very smart. (04) Attracted, Richard plays on her emotions, on the fact she didn’t know her dad at all. (05) Learns from Alan, her father’s attorney, that Richard wants the gallery and to be careful of him. (06) Realizes her mother lied to her about dad; worse, she returned all his letters that were addressed to her (07) An attractive man w/ two adorable small boys shows up on her father’s doorstep, it’s her dad’s friend. (08) Instant chemistry, she bonds with the younger son, Tyler, curly-headed cherub who is irrepressible. (09) Learns about Beth from Richard, assumes the worst; questions Tarek, he plays it off, she is put off (10) Decides to take Carolyn up on Iverson’s offer to meet with him. (11) She flies back to Chicago, meets w/ Mr. Iverson.
Tarek: (1) Surprised by Brooklyn’s beauty, her kindness and genuine love of children, he falls hard. (2) Beth, quasi girlfriend, shows up at Tarek’s cabin. Brandon texted her, match-making son. (3) Tries to distance himself from Beth, who owns local bakery. She assumes they are still an item. (4) Hides what he had with Beth from Brooklyn for fear of losing her. (5) Runs into Beth on the street while going to the gallery, chat, peck on the cheek – Brooklyn sees this.
Richard: (1) Insinuates himself into Brooklyn’s life soon as he meets her at the gallery. (2) Takes her to dinner on the pretext of catching her up to speed on the business. (3) Lies to Brooklyn about being her father’s partner, that the paperwork is in the office. (4) Having befriended Tarek when he first came to town, he knows about Beth, tells Brook in passing (5) Visits the bakery, tells Beth in passing that her partner’s daughter is in town, lets it slip re: Tarek (6) Frustrated, he vandalizes the gallery to force Brooklyn’s hand. It backfires on him. She’s now mad. (7) Consoles Brooklyn, tells her this hurts him, your father and I built this place, etc. lies all of it. (8)
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Day 2: Designing Characters For Subtext – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is the subtext character process instantly allows for your character to be multifaceted, complex and the type of person an A-list actor/actress would love to play!
[I] Elevate two or more characters with traits that make subtext natural. Then write a list of possible areas for subtext with each character. Like this:
Character Name: Brooklyn (protagonist)
Subtext Identity: Talented painter hungry for fame.
Character Traits: workaholic, romantic, indecisive, struggles with OCD, hungry for fame
Subtext Character: CONFLICTED, In denial and unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her hunger for fame.
Subtext Logline: Brooklyn is a talented artist who hungers for fame, for recognition and approval. She has found a way to achieve fame, fortune and success, will she take it?Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.
Possible areas of subtext: understands exactly what the wealthy client wants as they share the same outlook, Brooklyn’s love interest keeps her from going to the dark side.
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Character Name: Tarek (love interest)
Subtext Identity: lonely, lost, wanting love, needing a wife
Character Traits: honest, protective single father, SCHEMING
Subtext Logline: Tarek is an attentive father who hungers for love, wants to rebuild his family and find a wife.
Character Logline: Tarek is between careers, his world revolves around his two young sons as they keep him from facing the fact he is lonely, that he needs love and wants to be in love.
Possible areas of subtext: His meeting Brooklyn at her father’s cabin, their subsequent dating and preparing for the holidays.
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Day 1 – Subtext And Its Revelation – Assignment
Mike O – Great Subtext Scene
What I learned is… the nonverbal is the “real” message as it is in real life when two people converse. 80% of a conversation’s merits and believability are intuited on a nonverbal level. So it is with scripts.
1. Find a scene of three pages or more from a produced script with lots of subtext. If the scene is in the middle of the script, give us enough background to understand what is happening.
2. Analyze your scene like I did with the scene from THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT. With that scene, make a note anywhere you see the following:A. The surface action/text that covers the subtext.
B. The reason for the subtext, if you know.
C. Where the meaning is revealed and what it is.
NOTE: Be sure and label any notes with capital letters like I did here.
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INT. VENERATION – EVENING[Scene: Protagonist, Brooklyn, is meeting with the enemy, Richard, the antagonist. New to town, here to handle her father’s estate, she is a fish-out-of-water]
Arriving fifteen minutes early, Brooklyn enters and walks to the podium, lit-up with gold Christmas lights. She gives her name to the hostess informing her a gentleman named “Richard” would be arriving in a few minutes.
Opting for a drink, Brooklyn gestures to the bar forgoing the comfortable looking waiting benches.
The restaurant is eclectic. There are booths and secluded alcoves, a wrap-around bar sporting no less than four Christmas wreaths. Plenty of artwork on the walls.
Moonlight spills in from strategically positioned sky-lites adding to the ambiance. The oversized fireplace is soothing, the music romantic.
(NOTE: ambiance is clearly romantic. Did Richard choose this restaurant for its food or does he have an ulterior motive?)
BAR
Brooklyn finds an empty bar stool near the fireplace. Two stools down from her, a distinguished, white-bearded gentleman in a tailored suit gives a nod — does a double take.
Brooklyn reaches for wine list.
WHITE-BEARD (gestures to painting) “Any chance you a relation?”
CLOSE ON painting above the bar back — voluptuous woman lying on her side — modeled after Cooper’s, “The Kansas City Girl.”
Brooklyn looks over at him — who are you?
BROOKLYN (frowns) “We don’t look a thing alike.”
WHITE-BEARD (sips martini) “Not her. Obviously. The painter — Joshua Murray.
(NOTE: the inference to the voluptuous woman not looking a thing like her is a dig. Clearly, the elderly gentleman has a bone to pick with Brooklyn)
BROOKLYN “You’re telling me that Joshua, that he (drifts off in thought)
(NOTE: Brooklyn did not know her father was a painter. This stuns her)
WHITE-BEARD “Small town, word travels fast. Also, you have his eyes.”
Brooklyn STARES at the painting for a long beat, trying to imagine her father as an artist. SQUINTING, she cannot make out the artist’s signature.
White-beard waves the bartender over.
WHITE-BEARD (CONT’D) “Kids nowadays, scatter to the four winds chasing after careers with their fancy college pedigrees. (re: Brooklyn) Never come around, till it’s too late.(frowns) Your father was a fine man; he missed you something fierce, missy. Man was a real gem.”
Judgment rendered, White-beard drops a twenty on the counter, gathers up his Fedora.
WHITE-BEARD (gaze includes bartender) “When the town lawyer has to give Joshua’s eulogy, there’s something wrong. Shamefully wrong.” (re: Brooklyn) Alan’s speech was a thing of beauty.”
(NOTE: Whitebeard shames Brooklyn good. The deeper meaning of the subtext is that the man does not like today’s society. His disparaging commentary is about society at large.)
He TAPS on the hardwood bar counter as if knocking on a door.
WHITE-BEARD “Oscar, you make the best dirty martini in town. Thank-you, young man. I appreciate someone who masters their craft. Says something about them.”
OSCAR “Thank you for saying so, Mister Canaday.”
Mister Canaday walks off without so much as a glance back.
Stunned by the verbal assault, Brooklyn accepts the condemnation. She finds Oscar staring at her; curious, not apologetic.
BROOKLYN “He’s right; I was a lousy daughter.”
LONG SHOT – RECEPTIONIST PODIUM – RICHARD
From where Brooklyn is seated, she has an unobstructed view of the entrance. A people watcher, Brooklyn sees Richard FLIRT with the hostess: notes the confidence, his self-assuredness and perfect smile.
Clearly, his good-looks have been opening doors for him since adolescence or earlier.
(NOTE: Brooklyn sizes Richard up. He is a player.)
Brooklyn waits until he looks to the bar to WAVE him over. There is an unsettling predatory swagger to his stride.
BROOKLYN (reaches for her drink) “Casanova’s playground.”
She gives the restaurant, a quick once over: linen tablecloths, silver wear and china, all of it a stage, window dressing for Richard’s intentions.
Watching as Richard pauses at a table, puts his hand on a woman’s shoulder and flashes a charming smile, she adds —
BROOKLYN (at a whisper) “Ingratiating.”
— to her list of observations.
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Day 10 – Applying Boldness To Your Script – Assignment
Mike O – Page Turner
What I learned is that all the processes: dialogue, character, etc., work in synergy. With each incremental improvement, the script as a whole becomes more polished, more professional. Kaisan in action.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Please fill out the Evaluation Form and send it back to me. I use these to get feedback on how the class went for you so I can keep improving it and to find quotes for promoting the program. If you don’t want any quotes used, you can say no to the question that asks your permission to use your comments.
The Evaluation Form is the next email you’ll receive. Just fill it out and send it back to me at mailto:hal@ScreenwritingU.com
ASSIGNMENT 2
Using the WRITING WITH BOLDNESS SKILL SHEET, write a scene incorporating most of the skills we’ve worked with so far. List your characters and their traits above the scene so you can reference them as you write it.
ASSIGNMENT 3
Please critique another member’s scene and post it. I believe this is a very important part of the learning process. By applying the Skill Mastery Sheet skills to their work, you are forced to step out of the content of your own story and actually work with the skills in a new way.
Please put the person’s first name in the subject line so we know whose scene it is.
Example: Subject: Critique for Dave’s scene.
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INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Feverish, feeling sick, Tarek ignores the stabbing pain. He continues writing out their grocery list.
TYLER “Dad, don’t forget the chocolate chips so we can make cookies.”
TAREK (nods) “I won’t.”
Tarek returns to his grocery list when it hits. Pain so intense it takes his breath. Doubled over and clutching his abdomen, he stagger-steps towards the couch in the living room.
Tyler runs up to his dad and tries to help him.
TAREK “Go get your brother, son. (off his hesitation) Now!”
Tyler lets go of his father’s leg and runs to the bedroom.
CLOSE ON SWEAT dripping off Tarek’s forehead. ECU on a DROPLET and as it falls to the floor…
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – CONTINUOUSWater DRIPS off the end of Brooklyn’s sable brush as she dilutes one of the paints on her palette. She mixes the watercolor imagining and muttering:
BROOKLYN “Focus, it’s growth, decay and rebirth!”
After a dozen bold brush strokes, she takes a step back. In the zone, Brooklyn sees what will be on the canvas before her.
BROOKLYN (epiphany) “Each builds on and depends upon the other. That’s it! Dependence is the link, the thread linking the murals!”
On a roll, Brooklyn returns to the canvas, GRABS a pencil from the tray and begins SKETCHING.
INSERT – CANVAS
We SEE the statue of a larger-than-life man on a raised pedestal. At the floor, dried leaves and vegetation growing up through the marble flooring. Tip of Brooklyn’s pencil DRAWING the same statue only it is lying in a fetal position on the floor…
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN FLOOR – CONTINUOUS
TAREK
Curled up on the floor. Pale, sweating profusely, he shoves a hand in his pants pocket, retrieves the cell phone — dials Brooklyn’s number — phone falling out of his hands.
TAREK (at a shout) “Brandon!”
The rapid, pitter-patter sound of footsteps approaching.
CUT TO:
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn painting with fervor, stops and smiles. She sets aside her brush and reaches for the phone having given Tarek his own ring tone.
Jingle Bells continues to CHIME.
BROOKLYN “Morning (listens) “Is he conscious — is he awake? Good, I’ll be right there!”
CUT TO:
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn whips in beside the ambulance, sets the emergency brake and jumps out as they are wheeling Tarek out on a gurney.
Brandon and Tyler trail behind the EMT’s. With the boys, a uniformed police officer.
Brooklyn runs over to the gurney. Tarek’s grimace of pain subsides the moment they make eye contact.
TAREK “I’m sorry, sorry for everything. (beat – winces) Please, look after my boys, if I…”
BROOKLYN “Don’t go there. You’ll be just fine. (with conviction) Listen, Christmas is three days away and we are spending it together at the cabin, mister.”
TAREK (grateful smile) “Brook, I want you to know, I love you.”
BROOKLYN (fighting tears) “Love you back.”
She squeezes his hand, turns to an EMT and asks,
BROOKLYN “What hospital you taking him to?”
EMT LIFTS the gurney, slides Tarek in, closes the door, then points to the name on the ambulance door.
INSERT – SIGNAGE
Holy Cross Hospital.
FADE TO WHITE:
END OF ACT TWO
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Day 9 – Being Bold: Writing With Attitude – Assignment
Mike O – Writing is Bold
What I learned is that by assigning one particular emotion to a character in a given scene, it keeps me focused on that emotion and I don’t deviate and I am able to flesh out the emotion to give the scene a finality.
[I] Take a half-page from one of your previous scenes and present it like above.
1. The original half-page.
2. A rewrite using an attitude or emotion.
3. A rewrite using a different attitude or emotion.As I’ve done above, label the attitude/emotion you’re using in both examples.
=====================================
1. Original version:
INTERCUT: BROOKLYN SITTING – TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE.
TAREK (reads into the pause) “You were saying?
Lost in thought, Brooklyn stares her father’s signature.
BROOKLYN “That’s odd.”
Galvanized, Brooklyn rummages through the shoebox — picks out several greeting cards — compares their signatures with her father’s on the document Alan gave her.
TAREK “You saying Richard forged your father’s signature?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know. But the signatures aren’t — they’re different.”
TAREK “I don’t think Richard would do that. He was your father’s right-hand man for years. They built the gallery from the ground up.”
BROOKLYN “I know my father’s signature and I’m telling you, this one’s off.”
TAREK “Stop for a moment and think about what you’re saying?”
BROOKLYN “You’re worried about Richard’s reputation when he’s trying to steal my father’s gallery out from under me?!”
TAREK “Talk it over with Alan. You don’t want to face a defamation of character suit.”
BROOKLYN “You know, it’s late, I’m going to bed… We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Brooklyn ends the call. She holds the document up to the light and stares at the signature.
HOLD ON SIGNATURE.
=====================================
2. Second Version – I rewrote the scene using the attitude “indecisiveness” in the description.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYN SITTING – TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE.
TAREK (reads into the pause) “You were saying?
Lost in thought, Brooklyn stares her father’s signature.
BROOKLYN “I think Richard had my father’s signature forged.”
Brooklyn rummages through the shoebox — picks out several greeting cards — compares their signatures with her father’s on the document Alan gave her.
TAREK “You believe Richard forged your father’s signature?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know. I’m not a handwriting expert, but the signatures don’t really look alike.”
TAREK “I don’t think Richard would do that. He was your father’s right-hand man for years. They built the gallery from the ground up.”
BROOKLYN “You’re probably right. Still, I am going to show Alan and get his opinion.”
TAREK “That’s a good idea. You don’t want to face a defamation of character suit.”
BROOKLYN “No, you’re absolutely right. I can’t be accusing someone of forgery without proof.”
TAREK “I hope you are wrong about him. Richard’s been a help when I first got to town.”
BROOKLYN “You know, it’s late, I’m going to hit the sack. We’ll talk tomorrow. And thanks for the advise.”
Brooklyn ends the call. She holds the document up to the light and stares at the signature. She can’t be sure. With a tired sigh, she sets the paper aside and reaches for the reading lamp on the nightstand.
HOLD ON SIGNATURE.
=====================================
3. Third Version: I rewrote the scene using the attitude “anger” in the description.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYN SITTING – TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE.
TAREK “You were you saying?”
Brooklyn stares her father’s signature, sure of herself.
BROOKLYN “The snake forged my father’s signature!”
Galvanized, Brooklyn rummages through the shoebox — picks out several greeting cards — compares their signatures with her father’s on the document Alan gave her.
TAREK “Are you sure? Saying Richard forged your father’s signature is a serious accusation.”
BROOKLYN “I have box filled with my father’s signatures. The one on this document isn’t his. The slant is off. They’re different.”
TAREK “I don’t think Richard would do that. He was your father’s right-hand man for years. They built the gallery from the ground up.”
BROOKLYN “Well, he did. I know my father’s signature and I’m telling you, this one’s off.”
TAREK “Think about what you’re saying?”
BROOKLYN “Seriously, you are worried about Richard? He is trying to steal my father’s gallery out from under me?!”
TAREK “Talk it over with Alan. You don’t want to face a defamation of character suit.”
BROOKLYN (unbelievable) “You know, it’s late, I’m going to bed. Good night.”
Brooklyn ends the call. She holds the document up to the light and stares at the signature.
HOLD ON SIGNATURE.
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Day 8 – Emotional Description – Assignment
Mike O – Extreme Emotion
What I learned is sometimes less is more. I tend to overwrite, a very bad habit from my days as a novelist. Concrete verbiage, action words and no modifiers. Emotion is by its very definition, action.
1. List your characters, their traits, and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline).
2. Write a scene and use the three keys to emotional description above to deliver the emotional experience to us.
[1] Key One: Economy.
[2] Key Two: Deliver the essence.
[3[ Key Three: Visual, then internal/emotion.Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.==================================
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Brooklyn finds an empty bar stool near the fireplace. Two stools down from her, a distinguished, white-bearded gentleman in a tailored gives a nod — does a double take.
Brooklyn reaches for wine list.
WHITE-BEARD (gestures to painting) “Any chance you a relation?”
CLOSE ON painting above the bar back — voluptuous woman lying on her side — modeled after Cooper’s, ‘The Kansas City Girl.’
Brooklyn looks over at him — who are you?
BROOKLYN (frowns) “We don’t look a thing alike.”
WHITE-BEARD “Not her, obviously. The painter — Joshua Murray.”
BROOKLYN “You’re telling me that Joshua, that he…(drifts off in thought)
WHITE BEARD “Laurel commissioned the work right after she renovated this place.”
Brooklyn STARES at the painting for a long beat, trying to imagine her father as an artist. Squinting, she cannot make out the artist’s signature.
White-beard waves the bartender over.
BARTENDER “Yes, Mister Canaday, Another?”
MISTER CANADAY (re: bartender) “Kids nowadays, scatter to the four winds chasing after careers with their fancy college pedigrees. (re: Brooklyn) Never come around, till it’s too late.”
Mister Canaday turns to Brooklyn, strokes his snow-white beard.
MISTER CANADAY “World’s made up of two types of people: Givers, who share their time and love, and takers. Your father was a most excellent man; he missed you something fierce, missy.”
Judgment rendered, Mister Canaday drops a twenty on the counter, gathers up his Fedora.
MISTER CANADAY (gaze includes bartender) “When the town lawyer has to give Joshua’s eulogy, there’s something wrong. Shamefully wrong. (re: Brooklyn) Alan’s speech was a thing of beauty.”
He TAPS on the hardwood bar counter as if knocking on a door.
MISTER CANADAY “Oscar, you make the best dirty martini in town. Thank-you, young man.”
He walks off without so much as a glance back.
Stunned by the verbal assault, Brooklyn accepts the condemnation. She finds Oscar staring at her; curious, not apologetic.
BROOKLYN “He’s right; I was a lousy daughter.”
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Day 6 – Uncertainty – Assignment (part 2)
Mike O – Hope/Fear in action
What I learned is that dialogue does a lot of the heavy lifting for a writer. It allows for setups, for future scenes and for creating anticipation. Personally, I believe it will make or break your script.
——————
1. Pick a scene where the hero is going for a goal and a potential threat is present. List the situation, goal and main threat. Here’s my example:Situation: Carolyn is pitching a job to Brooklyn as it will benefit her career greatly. Goal: Carolyn wants Brooklyn, her friend and client, to become a super star.
Threat: Brooklyn will turn it down due to personal reasons.2. Write out the structure of a scene where the hero is going for a goal and it’s threatened.
A. Carolyn lets Brooklyn know that Iverson wants her to paint the murals for his new villa.
B. Brooklyn balks, knows Iverson wants more from her than her artistic abilities.
C. Brooklyn changes subject, tells her she needs to settle her father’s estate.3. Go back through and look for places where they can get hope they’ll succeed and where that hope can be threatened. Add those to your structure.
HOPE #1. Carolyn lets Brooklyn know that Iverson is wanting her to paint his murals
Brooklyn is both flattered and hesitant.
FEAR #1. Brooklyn explains that Iverson is after more than murals. Carolyn says “He might be a great guy. Give me a chance, you could do a lot worse.”HOPE #2. Brooklyn: “I’ll go and listen, do some preliminary sketches, no promises.” Carolyn: “Excellent. That’s all I’m asking, you give it your best. Who knows”
FEAR # 2: Brooklyn “What if he doesn’t like any of my ideas. I mean, he is powerful and could just as easily squash my career and reputation. “
Carolyn: “Don’t go there. If he didn’t think you were the person for the job, he wouldn’t have bought your work at the gallery showing the other night.HOPE #3. Brooklyn brightens up. “You’re right. That tripartite series represents my best work to date.”
Carolyn: “It does. The man knows talent and appreciates beauty. He has a passion for art.”
FEAR #3. Brooklyn “I know.” What she fails to say shows on her face. Carolyn: “Focus on the work, on the murals. The rest will, as they say, work itself out.” Carolyn’s voice and lack of conviction do not go unnoticed.4. Once you have your hope/fear structure, write the scene.
========================================================
INT. CAFE – NEXT MORNING
Sunglasses and moving gingerly, Brooklyn follows Carolyn’s lead. If she is feeling any ill effects from last night’s merry-making, it isn’t evident. She is her boisterous self.
At a window table, they have coffee and share a pastry. Carolyn hands Brooklyn a sealed envelope. Look on her face that of a proud mother.
Carolyn waits for her to open the envelope.
CAROLYN “Listen, Iverson has it in his head you’ll be the one to paint the murals for his villa.“
Brooklyn reads the figure on the check. Look of disbelief passes over her. She looks at Carolyn.
BROOKLYN “Serious? He asked me how I felt about murals on our drive in from the airport. I didn’t think anything of it, just making small talk.”
CAROLYN “It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. The exposure alone is worth its weight in gold.”
Brooklyn slips the check back in the envelope, folds it in half and puts it in her purse.
BROOKLYN “I can’t believe any of this. It’s a dream come true. And it’s all happening so fast.”
CAROLYN “You’ve earned it. Iverson’s home will appear in Architectural Digest and who knows where else. Success is the end result of a lot of hard work.”
BROOKLYN “ What if he doesn’t like any of my ideas. I mean, he is powerful and could just as easily squash my career and reputation.”
CAROLYN “Don’t go there. If he didn’t think you were the person for the job, he wouldn’t have bought your work at the gallery showing the other night.”
BROOKLYN (brightens) “You’re right. That tripartite series represents my best work to date.”
CAROLYN “It does. The man knows talent and appreciates beauty. He has a passion for art.”
BROOKLYN “I know.” What she fails to say shows on her face.
CAROLYN “But? What is it?”
BROOKLYN “I think he wants more than murals. The way he looks at me, his hand on the small of my back when he was leading onto the dance floor.”
CAROLYN “Granted, he’s a few years older, but the man lives in a world we can only imagine. He would be a great provider.”
BROOKLYN (makes an ew face) “You sound like my mom. I don’t love him… I don’t even know him.”
CAROLYN “Then, get to know him. Take him out for a test drive. Trust me, love at first sight is for gooey-eyed sixteen year olds. “
BROOKLYN (vasicllates) “I don’t know.”
CAROLYN “Focus on the work, on the murals. The rest will, as they say, work itself out.”
Carolyn’s voice and lack of conviction do not go unnoticed.
-
Lisa, you are so right. I’ve gone over several scenes half a dozen times and applied the lessons we have been taught. With each pass, the scene becomes deeper, more polished. I also find that I have a myriad of “new” ideas coming to mind and I jot them down to implement where and when needed. Great class!
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Day 4 – Hooks – Assignment
Mike 0 – Hooks
What I learned is… it works in tandem with anticipatory dialogue in helping to create suspense, drive momentum and keep the reader/audience engaged and wanting to read more.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
3. Write a scene where hooks are present throughout. An easy way to do that is to have your characters confront a new obstacle that changes everything.
=========================
A. What new information can I introduce?
B. Where can I give a deeper understanding of known info?
C. Where can I reverse something that has already been presented?============================================
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.=================================================
INT. CAFE – NEXT MORNING
Sunglasses and moving gingerly, Brooklyn follows Carolyn’s lead. If she is feeling any ill effects from last night’s merry-making, it isn’t evident. She is her boisterous self.
At a window table, they have coffee and share a pastry. Carolyn hands Brooklyn a sealed envelope. Look on her face that of a proud mother.
Carolyn waits for her to open the envelope.
CAROLYN “Iverson has it in his head you’ll be the one to paint the murals for his villa.”
Brooklyn reads the figure on the check. Look of disbelief passes over her. She looks at Carolyn.
BROOKLYN “Serious? He asked me how I felt about murals on our drive in from the airport.”
CAROLYN “It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. The exposure alone is worth its weight in gold. “
Brooklyn slips the check back in the envelope, folds it in half and puts it in her purse.
BROOKLYN “I can’t believe any of this. It’s a dream come true.”
CAROLYN “You’ve earned it. Iverson’s home will appear in Architectural Digest and who knows where else.”
BROOKLYN “The way he looks at me, his hand on the small of my back when he was leading onto the dance floor.”
CAROLYN “Granted, he’s a few years older, but the man lives in a world we can only imagine. He would be a great provider.”
BROOKLYN (makes an ew face) “You sound like my mom. I don’t love him… I don’t even know him.
CAROLYN “Then, get to know him. Take him out for a test drive. Trust me, love at first sight is for gooey-eyed sixteen year olds. “
BROOKLYN “Speaking of big leagues, I’m out of mine. How would you like a Rocky Mountain presence in the art world?”
Carolyn’s startled expression says volumes.
CAROLYN “Thought you told me you were going to sell everything.”
BROOKLYN “I’m a painter, Carolyn; not a business woman. I can’t see myself running a gallery. At the same time, I won’t sell my father’s place. He left it to me. Did you know (blinks back tears) he named it, Babbling-brook, after me.”
CAROLYN “What about — what’s his name, your father’s manager?”
BROOKLYN “You mean Richard? There’s something about him; I’ve no proof, but my gut tells me he’s been taking advantage of my dad. He wants the gallery. (with finality) He’s a not-to-be-trusted pretty boy who is up to no good.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, takes Brooklyn’s hand.
CAROLYN “I’ll come out. We can review your clientele, the sales and showings, do a thorough analysis. Remember, I was an accountant before I bought my gallery.”
BROOKLYN “You will never guess who bought the two paintings from my very first showing.(off her look) You knew?”
CAROLYN “I’m glad you’re seeing your father for who he was. The man loved you.”
BROOKLYN “Just the other day I asked you if you knew him?”
CAROLYN “No, you asked me if your mother ever spoke about him, she didn’t.”
BROOKLYN “You’re a sly one. Let me guess, you also knew he was an artist.”
Carolyn nods, takes a bite of the pastry.
BROOKLYN “I found the paintings in his house along with about a thousand photos of me.”
CAROLYN “Like I’ve always said, love finds a way.”
Brooklyn nods, touched by the sentiment.
Carolyn and Brooklyn reach for their forks at the same time. Stopped by the coincidence, they give each other a look. And as Brooklyn’s gaze drops, we HOLD ON her fork as it cuts into the generous slice of chocolate-cinnamon coffee cake.
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Day 3 – Suspense – Assignment
Mike O – Suspense
What I learned is the suspense doesn’t have to be physical action, danger or threat of violence. Suspense allows you to increase the expectation level in the reader/audience. It also allows for some spontaneous creativity in extending the suspense.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
3. Create a 1-5 page scene that is full of suspense. At the top of the scene, write down each of these components.
The Promise:
What matters:
The delay:4. Write your scene using those three components of suspense.
————————————-
The Promise: Brooklyn wants to know her father, no matter what it reveals.
What matters: The truth about her father and whether he loved her or not.
The delay: electricity goes out, has to light kerosene lanterns, her cell phone is about to die…=========================
08. INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn tosses a log on the fire as the glow of the day’s merriment fades.
She glances at the staircase. To herself:
BROOKLYN “You already know. Let it go.”
Brooklyn takes a step. Stops. A cleansing breath. Starts for the stairs, her stride one of determination.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Shoe box sits on the bed where she left it. Dread fills in the silence. Brooklyn stands in the doorway taking in the room, the furniture, the French door keeping out the snow.
BROOKLYN “I need to know. Daddy, I want the truth.”
Spoken out loud, it isn’t motivating. She all but runs to the bed.
As Brooklyn reaches for the shoe box, the electricity GOES OUT.
BROOKLYN “Is that you, mother?”
Startled, she retrieves her phone from a hip pocket and turns ON the phone’s flashlight application.
BROOKLYN (grabs shoebox) “You can’t hide the truth from me anymore.”
We TRACK over Brooklyn’s shoulder — FOLLOW beam of light from her phone — out the room, across the hallway, down the stairs — toward the kitchen.
CLOSE ON PHONE battery life reads: “critically low.”
BROOKLYN (shakes phone) “Don’t you dare.”
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Under the sink, Brooklyn finds three kerosene lanterns and a years’ old box of wooden matches.
BROOKLYN (to herself) “You can do this.”
HOLD ON WOODEN MATCH, its bright flicker of FLAME a promise in the dark.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Warmth from the fireplace steadies Brooklyn whose emotions swing from sadness, to anger, back to regret. Left with a deep sense of loss, she pours more wine.
HALO OF LIGHT from the kerosene lantern on the end table reveals a pile of opened envelopes. Several dozen letters lie on the coffee table.
Cathartic. Painful. Brooklyn reads every letter, every Christmas greeting and birthday card she never received. The un-cashed bank checks she sets to one side.
BROOKLYN (teary eyed) “I’m here, daddy. I’m so sorry.”
In a plain white envelope, Brooklyn discovers an old snapshot taken prior to the divorce. They are posing in front of a fake Christmas tree.
It takes her back to the fourth grade: to a two, bedroom apartment. And as the echo of her parents arguing over money and bills surfaces…
CAMERA ZOOMS IN on Brooklyn’s mother: pretty lady in a headstrong, alpha female way, we PUSH INTO the dilated pupils.
INT. BEDROOM – FEW YEARS LATER
Brooklyn, at a vanity brushing her long hair. A tweener, she is all elbows and knees.
Her mother stands behind her: dressed elegantly, hair up, jewelry and cleavage in evidence.
ANGLE ON: THE BEDROOM – elegant, clearly not an apartment. Four poster bed with canopy, matching vanity. French doors leading out, onto a terrace. Corner archway revealing a large sunken tub and the bathroom.
BROOKLYN (fusses) “What’s wrong with wanting to be an artist? My art teacher says…
BETHANY (interrupts) “They are a dime a dozen. Ninety-eight percent of them wind up starving to death. No daughter of mine is going to throw her life away chasing after nonsense. Dreams and pretty pictures do not pay the bills.”
The condemnation underscores the moment and ends the conversation. Brooklyn sets the brush down with emphasis.
BETHANY “Come, the photographer is waiting downstairs. Frank couldn’t get away from the banker’s conference. So, it’ll just be the two of us.”
Off Brooklyn’s SIGH and Thank-God expression…
BACK TO PRESENT
Coming out of it, Brooklyn goes to the fireplace, stack of bank checks in hand. She tosses them in, not sure what she’s feeling. As the slips of paper curl and turn to cinder.
She begins pacing, her eyes taking in the stone chimney. And as she begins counting:
grouping the vertical stones into clusters of sevens and the horizontal rocks into rows of nines.
The power returns, cabin lights FLICKER — then flood the room, the luminescence a sign.
BROOKLYN (out loud) “You were right, Carolyn. Love finds a way.”
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Day 2: Anticipatory Dialogue – Assignment
Mike O – Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is… Dialogue can create a entire gamut of page-turning scenarios, used right, it sets up the scene(s) to follow.
[1] List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
[2] Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
[3] Create a scene that sets up a future problem. In it, use as many forms of Anticipatory dialogue as you can. Here’s a list that will help you.
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time.—————————————-
Brooklyn traits, her subtext character & logline
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.
================================================
INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY
Richard spies Brooklyn He walks over to where she is sitting.
Brooklyn studies him. He carries himself with the casual arrogance of a man used to winning — at everything.
BROOKLYN “Please, have a seat.”
She waits until he is sitting.
BROOKLYN “My lawyer is reviewing the documents your attorney provided him with. Unfortunately, there are discrepancies he is looking into.”
Richard’s smile turns cold.
RICHARD “You know, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, I really was. “
He sips his coffee.
RICHARD “I heard about the fire. It’s a real shame. Drove by the place this morning.(shakes his head) Warned your father about the wiring in that place.”
Brooklyn reaches in her purse, takes out an envelope and slides it across the table to him.
BROOKLYN “My father did tell me as a little girl that choices always have consequences.”
RICHARD “Joshua didn’t know you, did he? I can say with complete certainty, the two of you didn’t so much as exchange a single pleasantry in the last fifteen years.
(off her expression) In fact your father died not knowing YOU — his only daughter.”
Richard’s look, one of disgust.
RICHARD “I was there for Joshua, every time there was a problem, every time a sale fell through, I was there. When was the last time you were there for him? Oh yeah, that’s right; never. (beat – then) Why’s it so difficult for you to wrap your head around the fact Joshua left the gallery to me? I can’t decide if your love for Joshua falls under deplorable, or reprehensible. Bit of both I’m thinking.”
Richard leans back savoring the moment.
BROOKLYN (face tightens) “You’re absolutely right. I wasn’t there for my father and I have to live with that fact. But you — you taught me an invaluable lesson. (off his do-tell smirk) Not to trust everyone at face value. (points to envelope) The only thing you value besides yourself, is money.”
Sheriff Gibson walks up to the table, stands directly behind Richard who isn’t aware he is present.
The staccato of high heels on the hardwood floor turns Brooklyn’s head.
Carolyn walks over, takes a chair beside Brooklyn without acknowledging Richard whatsoever.
CAROLYN “ Morning sweetie. You hear that ticking sound? Like a countdown or something.”
Carolyn holds up her right hand, raises a finger as she says
CAROLYN “One – Two – Three…
SHERIFF GIBSON (cuts in) “I suggest you take a look at those photos Mister Feldman….
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Day 1 – Causing Anticipation – Making Your Script A “page Turner”- Assignment
Mike O – Anticipation Scene
What I learned doing this is…
1. Pick a script that fit the description of being a “Page turner.” If you don’t have access to scripts, you can go to http://www.script-o-rama.com and download as many scripts as you’d like. I have about 150 from there.
2. Select 3 to 5 pages of the script that are especially riveting and paste them into your email.
3. At the top, tell us the name of the movie and what’s happened up to this point.
4. Then go through and make NOTES about what causes that scene to be so compelling. What you’re looking for is anything that causes you to have to read farther into the script. Where do they create anticipation, suspense, curiosity, etc. We’ll go into all of these techniques later, but this is an
opportunity to prepare your mind for the tremendous learning experience to come.“The Tomorrow People” by Julia Plec
The show is just starting, don’t know what is happeneing or who the players are.
ACT ONE
ESTABLISHING: NEW YORK CITY. AN OFFICE TOWER. THINK NAKATOMI PLAZA (AKA THE DIE HARD BUILDING).
INT. OFFICE TOWER — HALLWAY – NIGHT
FORTY STORIES UP, A SHADOW slips around a corner. It’s after hours. Whoever this is, shouldn’t be here. TRACKING with him down the hall we ANGLE ON a motion detector TURNING RED.
INT. LOBBY – MOMENTS LATER
CUT TO A SECURITY GUARD at his post. Reacting to a SECURITY SCHEMATIC ON A COMPUTER. A RED LIGHT blinking.
SECURITY GUARD (INTO WALKIE)
Code up on the top floor. Standby. I better check it out.
Swapping walkie-talkie for his GUN, he EXITS.
[You have danger, a security guard with a drawn weapon after an intruder – suspense]
INT. DARK ROOM – INTERCUT
CUT TO CARA, early 20s. Her beautiful, anxious face lit by a COMPUTER with the SCHEMATIC. She’s hacked into the system.
CARA “Nice. You just tripped an alarm.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK AS THE SHADOWY FIGURE steps into the light. REVEAL JOHN, late 20s, handsome, cool under pressure. We assume that he and Cara are talking VIA EARWIG.
JOHN “Whatever. I’m almost there.
As John reaches a perpendicular hallway. Right or left?
JOHN (CONT‟D) “Which way am I going?
BACK WITH CARA.
CARA )speaking to someone O.S.) “Pull up a floor plan of the tower —
CUT TO JOHN. Cara’s VOICE in his ear.
CARA (V.O.) “TIM says there’s someone in the east elevator. You gotta bail.
Service elevator’s to your left…
But John spots a sign: “Medical records” pointing RIGHT.
JOHN (glibly ignoring Cara) “Right it is…
BACK WITH CARA, pissed.
CARA “TIM says you’re an idiot…
BACK WITH JOHN, reaching the DOOR at the end of the hall. Marked MEDICAL RECORDS. Only it’s locked. And not an ordinary lock, a sophisticated electronic keypad.
CARA (CONT‟D) “Let me guess… It’s locked?
CLOSE ON JOHN as we hear his thoughts. For future reference all telepathic conversation will be in italics.
[the banter between John and Cara, they’re an item? He is not following her lead; he is a risk taker. Question: will he get caught?]
JOHN “You musta read my mind…
CLOSE ON CARA, responding telepathically… And sardonically.
CARA “I also read the mind of the guy in the elevator who’s got a gun.
BACK WITH JOHN looking over his shoulder at the ELEVATOR, uh oh.
INT. ELEVATOR – NIGHT
CUT TO THE GUARD, READYING HIS GUN. Almost to John’s floor.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK WITH JOHN. BING. AS THE ELEVATOR OPENS BEHIND HIM.
He’s TRAPPED. But just as the security guard steps out… JOHN VANISHES INTO THIN AIR…
[Notes: He vanishes? Have to learn how he did that! It is beyond mysterious]
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS…
ONLY TO REAPPEAR ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE LOCKED DOOR. WTF?
INT. HALLWAY – INTERCUT
The guard surveys the EMPTY HALLWAY. Huh. That’s weird. He holsters his gun. Relaxing, raising his walkie-talkie…
SECURITY GUARD (into walkie talkie) “False alarm.
But when the guard turns around towards the elevator, he finds THREE SUITED MEN standing behind him. Dressed like government agents. Where the hell did they come from?
[another set of villains? Who are they, what are they doing? After John?]
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D) (reaching for gun) “Hold it right there…
ONLY TO FIND HIS HOLSTER EMPTY. PULL BACK from his confused expression as WE REVEAL HIS GUN FLOATING IN MID-AIR. Next to his head. Just… Levitating.
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D) “What the — ?
CLOSE ON THE LEAD AGENT, flanked by the other two. Staring at the levitating gun… Like he’s controlling it.
LEAD AGENT “Let me help you with that
–Before the guard can react, lead agent plucks the gun out of mid-air and CLOCKS THE GUARD in the head. He’s out cold.
BACK WITH CARA. Reacting to the live feed. She goes ashen.
CARA “Something’s wrong…
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Meanwhile, we CUT TO JOHN flipping through a file cabinet. He finds what he’s looking for, a MEDICAL RECORD. Bingo.
CARA (V.O.) (get out of there) “ULTRA’s in the building…
BACK WITH JOHN. Cara’s warning comes too late. A VOICE
VOICE (O.S.) “I’ll take that file.
John slowly turns. The agents fan out. Surrounding him.
LEAD AGENT “It’s over, John…
THAT’S WHEN JOHN TURNS AND RUNS STRAIGHT TOWARDS A WALL. About to hit it when WHOOSH, HE DISAPPEARS. But these agents know the drill. Chasing John they reach the wall and VANISH.
[Notes: They know him, are after him. Part of a government agency? Will they be able to follow him?]
INT. ADJACENT OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING on John’s heels. Arms pumping, John eyes two sets of FILE CABINETS. He runs between them.
ON THE AGENTS following. THE DRAWERS FLY OPEN. SMASH, TWO AGENTS GO DOWN. BUT LEAD AGENT DUCKS, SLIDING UNDER THE DRAWERS, LEAPING BACK TO HIS FEET.
John looks over his shoulder. Damn. This guy is good. He spots a nearby window. Runs towards it.
AT THE WINDOW, John gazes on the STREET… FORTY STORIES DOWN. A moment of focus before HE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS…
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING ON THE STREET BELOW. Only it’s like he ran the distance. John staggers towards a SUBWAY ENTRANCE. WHEN LEAD AGENT APPEARS ON THE STREET BEHIND HIM. Still trailing.
[Notes: How did he do that? Teleportation. Can the government agents do that to?]
INT. SUBWAY STATION – MOMENTS LATER
John SPRINTS ACROSS the empty platform as a TRAIN SCREECHESINTO THE STATION. He goes to board it when the LEAD AGENT APPEARS, HAVING TELEPORTED SMACK INTO JOHN’S PATH… WITH A KICK TO THE CHEST, lead agent SENDS JOHN SPRAWLING.
HE SPOTS THE FILE, fallen from John’s hand, reaches for it…BUT JOHN SWEEPS HIS LEG. Lead agent falls, scrambling to his feet, but every time he throws a punch, John VANISHES, REAPPEARING on the opposite side with a BLIND-SIDING PUNCH.WHIFF, WHIFF, WHIFF… The agent can’t connect to John who DELIVERS A FLURRY OF BLOWS, THEN DROPS HIM.
John quickly grabs the file, slips on the train as the doors close.
[Notes: John wins the confrontation, escapes on subway train]
INT. SUBWAY TRAIN – MOMENTS LATER
John looks around, making sure the train car is empty. The train enters a tunnel. And he VANISHES…
INT. SUBWAY STATION – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING inside an ABANDONED SUBWAY STATION. John nearly collapses. CARA approaches. We see her computer set-up in the background. We’re in some sort of secret base.
JOHN “They must have been following me.
CARA “You sure you lost them?
John checks out his bloody knuckles. Then cocky…
JOHN “Yeah. Pretty sure.
CARA “I hope this one was worth it. (re: file) That he is who you think he is.
JOHN “Only way to know for sure is to break him out…
CARA “So, what’s his name?
John opens the FILE. ANGLE ON name JOHN Stephen Jameson.
[Notes: who is Stephen and why go through all that trouble for a stranger? Who is he?]
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Day 10 – Applying Dramatic Devices To Your Script – Assignment
Mike O – Is Being Dramatic
What I learned is it all fits together, the pieces, the skill sets, they compliment one another and add in a kaisan style to the script as a whole.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Please fill out the Evaluation Form and send it back to me. I use these to get feedback on how the class went for you so I can keep improving it and to find quotes for promoting the program. If you don’t want any quotes used, you can say no to the question that asks your permission to use your comments.
The Evaluation Form is the next email you’ll receive. Just fill it out and…
SEND IT PRIVATELY TO ME AT mailto:hal@ScreenwritingU.com
ASSIGNMENT 2
Using the DRAMATIC DEVICES SKILL SHEET, write a scene using most of the skills we’ve worked with so far. Please do the following:1. List your characters, their traits, and their SCL.
2. Write your scene using as many of the Dramatic Devices skills as possible.
As before, this is easier than it looks. The third email you’ve received is the DRAMATIC DEVICES SKILL SHEET and will give a quick synopsis of the techniques we’ve worked with. Use that as a guideline as you write your scene. Try this process:
1. Write a rough draft expressing your scene idea.
2. Select one technique from the DRAMATIC DEVICES SKILL SHEET go through the scene, using the technique to improve the character or dialogue. Don’t worry about having the entire scene reflect that technique. Instead, just notice what jumps out at you when you think of that scene through the technique.
3. Continue doing passes of the scene, using one technique at a time until you’ve gone through all of them. If one doesn’t work, don’t get stuck on it. Just go on to the next one.
4. Send your scene into the group, along with any comments you’d like to make about how it changed as you applied the skills.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
[CLIMAX SCENE]
INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY
Richard, coffee in hand, spies Brooklyn. He walks over to where she is sitting.
Brooklyn studies him. He carries himself with the casual arrogance of a man used to winning — at everything.
BROOKLYN (not this time) “Please, have a seat.”
She waits until he is sitting.
BROOKLYN “My lawyer reviewed the documents your attorney provided him with. Unfortunately, there are discrepancies.”
RICHARD “You know, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, I really was.”
(sips coffee) Drove by the place this morning.(shakes his head) What a shame. I warned your father about the wiring in that place. Several times in fact.”
Brooklyn reaches in her purse, takes out a large envelope and slides it across the table.
BROOKLYN “A picture is worth a thousand words as they say.”
RICHARD “Joshua didn’t know you, did he? I can say with complete certainty, the two of you didn’t so much as exchange a single pleasantry in the last fifteen years. (off her expression)
In fact, your father died not knowing YOU — his only daughter.”
Richard’s expression, one of disgust. Brooklyn gestures to the envelope.
RICHARD (reaches for envelope) “I was there for Joshua, every time there was a problem, every time a sale fell through, I was there. When was the last time you were there for him? That’s right; never. (opens envelope) I can’t decide if your love falls under avarice or reprehensible. Bit of both I’m thinking.”
Richard reaches in the letter sized envelope, leans back savoring the moment.
BROOKLYN (face tightens) “You’re right. I wasn’t there for my father. I have to live with that fact. But you — you taught me an invaluable lesson. (off his do-tell smirk) Not to trust everyone at face value. The only thing you value besides yourself, is money.”
Richard flips through the still shots Brooklyn culled from the gallery’s video footage. His look of smugness turns into something else.
BROOKLYN (conversationally) “What’s the name of your hand tattoo? (pretends to recall) A Gordian knot, right?”
Brooklyn pulls a PHOTOGRAPH from her purse and sets it a top the others. Richard leans in, gives the photo a look.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
We SEE a man dressed in black in the act of pulling a painting off the gallery wall.
BROOKLYN “That’s you, Mister Feldman.”
Brooklyn slaps one last photograph down on the table.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
It is a close-up of the thief’s hand clasping the painting’s frame. The black jogging suit’s sleeve is pulled back REVEALING a hand tattoo. A Godian Knot.
The staccato of high heels on the hardwood floor turns Brooklyn’s head.
Carolyn walks up, takes a chair beside Brooklyn without acknowledging Richard whatsoever.
BROOKLYN “Mister Feldman, you will need to return the Van Loomen, Tenning and the others. Paintings don’t lie and neither does video.”
Brooklyn digs a slip of paper out of her pant’s pocket, sets the list on the table between them.
BROOKLYN “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
FLASHBACK – BROOKLYN PHOTOGRAPHING THE GALLERY WALLS
We are looking down on Brooklyn from OVERHEAD: CAMERA PHONE in her hand FLASH GOING OFF, snaps shots of the paintings on the gallery walls.
BACK TO SCENE
BROOKLYN “Like I wouldn’t notice my father’s forged signature, really? My father was left-handed.”
CAROLYN (lies with sincerity) “The nanny cam was my idea. Good for catching cheating husbands and thieving employees.”
BROOKLYN “In lay man’s terms, Mister Feldman, you’re fired!”
Furious, Richard’s eyes narrow. With a dismissive gesture, he drops the note and rubs his hands on his sports coat.
RICHARD (stands) “If this is the way you want to play it.(cold smirk) You ladies, have a nice day. Reasonable doubt (snaps his fingers) that is all it takes.”
BROOKLYN (nods her head) “I believe the sheriff here has something for you.”
Sheriff Gibson walks up to the table, in his hand a pair of handcuffs.
SHERIFF GIBSON “Mister Feldman, you are under arrest…”
Carolyn and Brooklyn watch the sheriff escort Richard out.
CAROLYN (high-five’s Brooklyn) “Wow, nicely done. Remind me not to get on your bad side.”
BROOKLYN “Thank-you. That bit about the nanny cam, pure genius.”
CAROLYN “Not to worry. I’ve alerted the Art Dealers Association of America and spoke with Dean, head of the Dallas Art Dealers Association. Richard weasels his way out of a court conviction, he will be finished before he ever opens his doors.
CUT TO:
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Day 9 – Create A Future For Your Scene — Assignment
Mike O – Creates a Future
What I learned is creating the future requires your outline to be completed and the character arcs fleshed out and understood. Creating a future is like setting up the audience for an expectation. Done correctly, they want to know how it works out.
I. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
II. Look through your outline and find a scene that could be great for creating a future. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
III. Write the scene in a way that compels us to read on by creating a future for the scene. You can use any of these techniques to do so.
1. Have them talk about something in the future of the movie.
2. A warning.
3. Create suspense — worry about some future incident.
4. Create uncertainty about a future decision.
5. A twist that requires us to read farther.
6. Hooks that make us wonder.———————-
Going to use #4: Create uncertainty about a future decision – on Brooklyn’s part (the protagonist)
(She second guesses herself about not selling the gallery: I don’t know a thing about the business, Did dad leave it to me as a legacy, or was it something to sell so I could continue living in Chicago. What if Carolyn wants nothing to do with it? What then? Richard, should I make him a partner?
=======================================
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – LATER
Alan escorts Brooklyn into his office. She follows him over to a fancy, coffee machine. On the wall, a photograph of Alan and another man standing with a stringer of fish.
ALAN (futzies with machine) “That’s your father and I. Twice a year, we would hike into the Wilds and go fly fishing. Joshua could make a fly dance. (confesses) Don’t believe I ever beat him, not that it was ever a contest with us.”
Brooklyn steps over, studies the photograph, unaware she is all but touching the picture.
BROOKLYN “Thank-you for speaking at his funeral. Heard it was eloquent.”
ALAN (in explanation) “Your father left specific instructions to notify you of his passing only after the funeral.”
Sudden HISSING of the coffee machine snaps Brooklyn out of her reverie. She steps away, her eyes moist.
ALAN “ Little nutmeg?”
BROOKLYN “Why?”
ALAN “For the latte.”
BROOKLYN “I meant his funeral.”
ALAN “We talked about it. Joshua didn’t want your last memory to be of him in a casket.
ALAN (hands her papers) “The gallery is doing well. Mister Feldman knows the business, been with your father for close to ten years. He’s a charmer, bit economical with the truth for my tastes. But knowledgable.”
Alan’s tone says it all: he is not a fan.
BROOKLYN “Ethically challenged I take it. “
Alan smiles, likes her already.
ALAN “To be fair, Richard made the business and himself a lot of money. He knows art and has connections nationwide. More than a few artists owe their start to him.
BROOKLYN “I get that. Still, I think I’m going to hang onto the gallery. I don’t know if it’s my legacy, something dad wanted me to have, or just an asset to sell so I could continue living in Chicago.
ALAN “We never discussed that. The only bit of advice I can offer is you is give it time. Grief and making big decisions are a recipe for disaster.
BROOKLYN (thinks out loud) “I don’t know a thing about the business. What if Carolyn wants nothing to do with it? What then? Richard, should I make him a partner?”
Alan’s frown answers that. Brooklyn gives it a moment.
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Day 8: Misleads and Reveals – Assignment
Mike O – Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is how close this skill set is to setup/payoffs. The two work well together actually.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that will work well with a Mislead / Reveal.
3. Write a scene that uses both misleads and reveals to deliver its story.
———————————————————————
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – MORNING
In flats, denim jeans and a button down shirt, Brooklyn has shed the tourist look. She sets her shoulder bag on the desk.
She leaves the office, ready to work; unaware Richard is standing in the men’s rest room. Light off, door cracked, watching her every move.
The moment she leaves for the gallery floor, Richard walks stealthily up to the desk, opens her oversized purse and takes out her wallet.
He PHOTOGRAPHS her driver’s license. Putting back the wallet, he finds a manilla envelope.
A quick peek in the envelope reveals a bill of sale form.
Richard’s I-knew-it smirk stays on his face as he exits the building altogether.
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn, tidying up the office, rummages through papers on her father’s desk. Richard saunters in drinking coffee, not a care in the world showing on his face.
Brooklyn’s purse is nowhere to be seen. She picks up a manilla envelope off the desk and hands it to Richard.
RICHARD (innocently) “What is this?”
He takes the envelope from Brooklyn, opens it slowly relishing the moment.
INSERT – FORM
It is a standardized rental agreement form.
Richard stands poleaxed. He hides his anger behind a puzzled look.
BROOKLYN “Been thinking about our talk last night. I came here thinking sell, sell, sell. Now, I believe I will hang onto the place. It’s what my father would have wanted. Besides, I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
RICHARD “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary landscape artists in this area. Make it the entire rocky mountain region?”
BROOKLYN “I haven’t a clue.”
RICHARD “That is why your father and I made such great partners. We stayed in our lanes. Art and emerging talent(takes a bow). Marketing and sales, Joshua’s focus. “
Richard looks over the rim of his cup, his point clear.
RICHARD (casually) “You have sales and marketing experience, yes?”
BROOKLYN “My best friend owns a successful art gallery in Chicago. I’m one of her clients. She can easily catch me up to speed on who’s who.(flips through papers)She might even want to add my father’s gallery to hers.”
RICHARD (edge to voice) “Different markets, different artists entirely.”
Richard’s cell phone CHIMES. He checks caller ID.
INSERT – CALLER ID
“SPAM”
RICHARD “I have to take this. Jonas, water-colorer extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: he’s easily number two.
Richard walks off, refrains from slamming the door. The look on his face one of cunning, he mutters:
RICHARD “If bloody is what you want, steak tartar it shall be.”
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Day 7: The Crucible – Assignment
Mike O – Crucible
What I learned is designing confrontations and forcing issue(s) works! Great place to have setup/payoffs as well. Works well for ‘twists.’
I. Create a scene where a crucible forces two or more characters to confront an important issue. Look through your outline, find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
II. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their Subtext above the scene.
III. Write the scene where two or more characters are in a crucible & must confront each other in a conflict.
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INT. CORNER TABLE – LATER
Table linen, porcelain china, and place settings that compliment the decor. Brooklyn glances out the window: pines swaying in the moonlit air. In a word, amazing!
Sitting across the table, Richard. His nonchalance a pretext. Before them, their entrees.
BROOKLYN “I heard you’re interested in the gallery.”
RICHARD “You did? Huh, I’m not sure this is the time or place, but since you broached the subject, what were you thinking?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know: rental contract, lease agreement, lease-to-own? I’m not sure if I want to sell, or take over where my father left off.”
Richard reaches for his wine, gives a thoughtful pause while savoring the Merlot.
RICHARD (lies) “Your father and I were business partners. I believe you will find papers to that effect in the office. Where? Lord knows, Joshua was lax with organization. He was not one to stand on ceremony,”
Richard flashes a charming smile as the waitress returns with a water pitcher. He waits while she refills their glasses and leaves.
RICHARD “As I was saying, your dad and I worked the gallery together. Acquisitions and appraisals, client signings, my area of expertise. Marketing, promotions and showings, your father’s focus. “
Brooklyn, knife in hand, slices into her steak. CLOSE ON the cut as BLOOD leaks out of the New York strip.
Richard, lips red with wine, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin. The princess-cut diamond on Brooklyn’s right index finger holds his gaze. Knowing the clarity, cut and worth gives him pause.
RICHARD “I would never have guessed you like your meat bloody. Red is the color of romance.”
BROOKLYN (counter-punch) “You interested in renting, or do you have something else in mind?”
RICHARD “I’m not sure. I’m still processing your father’s death.”
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Day 6: Settings That Add Drama – Assignment
Mike O – Amazing Settings
What I learned is that the scene is the first visual cue the audience has, it is always better to “show not tell” in scriptwriting. This is doubly true with the power of a scene, the physical setting says volumes.
I. Go through your outline. With each scene, list what setting naturally comes to mind as the setting.
II. Rate every setting 1-10 on this scale and see how they stand up.
1 — Meaningless setting. Has no impact on the scene.
5 — Useful setting. It makes sense and allows the characters to interact as I’d like them to.
10 — Amazing setting. The setting itself intensifies the drama, there’s not another setting that could do it to this level.
III. Once you’ve rated your settings, take a look at all the low ratings and see if you can bring them up to at least a 5, maybe more.
IV. Give us TWO EXAMPLES that show the biggest improvement in the setting. List them like this:BEFORE:
Essence of Scene:
Setting:
AFTER:
New Setting:
How this has improved the scene:
—————————————————————————————-Master Outline
OPENING SCENE: INT. CAFE — LUNCH RATE = 5 Brooklyn (protagonist) having lunch w/ Carolyn talk about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday. Opening – Brooklyn, the protagonist, is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie, glimpse the start of her character arc,.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5 Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING RATE = 5 Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST RATE = 5 Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them.
INCITING INCIDENT: Lawyer’s letter; Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must take care of it. RATE = 8
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY RATE = 4 Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON RATE = 5 Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7 Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops to eat.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY RATE = 5 Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY RATE = 7 Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING RATE = 5 Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING RATE = 5 Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER RATE = 4 Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7 From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW RATE = 6 Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas” RATE = 8
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoebox filled w/ letters all “return to sender” Her father wrote to her! It was her mother who wrote “return to sender” on them. Brooklyn discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as her mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved & had love in his life. Also, he kept tabs on her and loved her from afar. RATE = 8
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER RATE = 6
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER RATE = 6
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER RATE = 4
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 6
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 4
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME RATE = 5
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. He milks it.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 8
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
Mid-Point – Brooklyn is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH RATE = 7
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON RATE = 6 Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 4
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT RATE = 7
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING RATE = 6
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING RATE = 4
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING RATE = 5
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 5
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE BABBLING BOOK GALLERY RATE = 6
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK RATE = 8
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE RATE = 7
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
INT. BED – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 5
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 4
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 6
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Brooklyn thinks Tarek is just like all men, she is quick to dismiss what she feels and how she feels for him and has it in her mind, Iverson is the answer. Fame and fortune, a great provider as her mother put it… (running away, fear of intimacy, etc) RATE = 8
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING RATE = 7
Brooklyn is awakened by the doorbell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING RATE = 9 Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. Brooklyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING RATE = 7
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY RATE = 7
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER RATE = 6
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER RATE = 6
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.”
Crisis – her love interest who has suffered a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital leaving her with his two small boys. END OF ACT TWO RATE = 6
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER RATE = 5
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT RATE = 7
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name substitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY RATE = 5
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING RATE = 5
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
INT. BAR – DAY THE CLIMAX RATE = 8
Brooklyn confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY RATE = 7
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING RATE = 5
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him. Resolution – Brooklyn accepts what happened, takes what her father’s lover tells her to heart and embraces her father’s posthumous love. She decides to live there with her newfound loves. (Completion of her arc)
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY RATE = 7
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
—————————————————
IV. Give us TWO EXAMPLES that show the biggest improvement in the setting. List them like this:
EXAMPLE #1 : BEFORE: INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY
Essence of Scene: Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
Setting: The protagonist and her mentor/best friend are sitting talking about what lies ahead.
AFTER: INT. UBER – DAY
New Setting: Carolyn and Brooklyn sit in the back seat and talk uninterrupted. It avoids the best friend having to drive, they can focus on their talk and Carolyn can write it off as a business expense. She admits
she hates to waste time driving. Ubers free her up, time she can think, plan and work on business.
How this has improved the scene: It shows a side to Carolyn, unexpected but works in keeping with her nature.
==========================================
EXAMPLE #2: BEFORE: EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.”
Essence of Scene: Brooklyn pulls up to Carolyn’s place, ambulance is there. Tarek tells her to “look after my boys.”
Setting: Front yard of Carolyn’s place at the ambulance.
AFTER: EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
New Setting: Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “look after my boys.” She cannot find Tyler, he has run off. She follows the footprints in the snow to the shed in the back yard. He is huddled in there hiding, crying… Asks Brooklyn, “Am I going to be an orphan too?”
How this has improved the scene: added element of the child missing; also their bonding over the orphan possibility.
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Day 5: Setups and Payoffs – ASSIGNMENT
Mike O – Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is the set-ups and payoffs and their chains create the subliminal threads that the audience and reader grasp then marvel at. I am a big believer in setups and payoff. Used them from day one.
Create a scene with at least 2 setups and 2 payoffs. Setup/payoff is used in every genre. If you leave it out, the movie feels as if it’s just a bunch of unrelated scenes strung together. Your setups and payoffs are what hold the movie together.
I. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
II. Look through your outline, find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
III. Write a brief outline of the scene. Whatever happens in the end of the scene needs to be setup in the beginning. Simply select one from each category below for your setup/payoff combination.
Setups:
A. Foreshadow upcoming events.
B. Mislead the audience.
C. Challenge the characters.
D. Be the basis for future solutions.Payoffs:
A. Surprise the audience.
B. Create excitement.
C. Add new meaning to the setup.
D. Twist the story in a new direction.
E. Provide closure.IV, Once you’ve outlined it, write the scene.
————————————————————
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses and casts various articles of clothing onto her bed. As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
Brooklyn shimmies into her holiday pajamas, furry slippers, brushes a stray lock of hair from her eyes.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm feeling and seeing all the teeth marks the cat’s left behind.
BROOKLYN “Come, it’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD; ON IT, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE, CRACKERS AND A KNIFE. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING.
Gathering up the mail and the cutting board, Brooklyn leaves the kitchen.
INT. LIVING ROOM — on a couch curled up in her favorite throw blanket. She stares out a window, into the falling snow.
In the corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the automatic timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it’s picture postcard perfect.
Resisting an urge to clap, Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass. She ignores the fact there are no presents on the tree skirt.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills.
Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker. HOLD ON return address.
INSERT – RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado”
BACK TO SCENE
She stares off a moment when it hits her. She TOSSES the envelope to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several deep breaths: telling herself it couldn’t possibly be. No way.
BROOKLYN “I can’t take this right now.”
Brooklyn stares at the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table next to a crystal candy dish.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished lady in a red turtle neck sweater striking a reflective pose for the camera. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Struggling to keep from tearing up, Brooklyn blows her mother a KISS.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here, mom… I’m eating your favorite cheese. The fact she died in March from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible. “
BROOKLYN “Been nine months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board.
She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table. Brooklyn watches the ball BOUNCE its way over to the Christmas tree and STOP at the edge of the green, felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Guess I was wrong.”
The SETUP – Foreshadow of upcoming events
The PAYOFF – Twist the story in a new direction
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Day 5: Setups and Payoffs – ASSIGNMENT
Mike O – Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is the set-ups and payoffs and their chains create the subliminal threads that the audience and reader grasp then marvel at. I am a big believer in setups and payoff. Used them from day one.
Create a scene with at least 2 setups and 2 payoffs. Setup/payoff is used in every genre. If you leave it out, the movie feels as if it’s just a bunch of unrelated scenes strung together. Your setups and payoffs are what hold the movie together.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
2. Look through your outline, find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
3. Write a brief outline of the scene. Whatever happens in the end of the scene needs to be setup in the beginning. Simply select one from each category below for your setup/payoff combination.
Setups:
A. Foreshadow upcoming events.
B. Mislead the audience.
C. Challenge the characters.
D. Be the basis for future solutions.Payoffs:
A. Surprise the audience.
B. Create excitement.
C. Add new meaning to the setup.
D. Twist the story in a new direction.
E. Provide closure.4. Once you’ve outlined it, write the scene.
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses and casts various articles of clothing onto her bed. As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
Brooklyn shimmies into her holiday pajamas, furry slippers, brushes a stray lock of hair from her eyes.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm feeling and seeing all the teeth marks the cat’s left behind.
BROOKLYN “Come, it’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD; ON IT, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE, CRACKERS AND A KNIFE. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING.
Gathering up the mail and the cutting board, Brooklyn leaves the kitchen.
INT. LIVING ROOM — on a couch curled up in her favorite throw blanket. She stares out a window, into the falling snow.
In the corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the automatic timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it’s picture postcard perfect.
Resisting an urge to clap, Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass. She ignores the fact there are no presents on the tree skirt.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills.
Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker. HOLD ON return address.
INSERT – RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado”
BACK TO SCENE
She stares off a moment when it hits her. She TOSSES the envelope to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several deep breaths: telling herself it couldn’t possibly be. No way.
BROOKLYN “I can’t take this right now.”
Brooklyn stares at the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table next to a crystal candy dish.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished lady in a red turtle neck sweater striking a reflective pose for the camera. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Struggling to keep from tearing up, Brooklyn blows her mother a KISS.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here, mom… I’m eating your favorite cheese. The fact she died in March from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible. “
BROOKLYN “Been nine months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board.
She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table. Brooklyn watches the ball BOUNCE its way over to the Christmas tree and STOP at the edge of the green, felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Guess I was wrong.”
The SETUP – Foreshadow of upcoming events
The PAYOFF – Twist the story in a new direction
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Day 4: Twists – Assignment
Mike O – Twists
What I learned is…the twists give the character a dimension of believability and spontaneity that would otherwise be lacking.
1. List your character’s names, traits, and subtext above the scene. 2. Go to your outline and find a scene that will work well with this technique. 3. Write a scene that has two or more twists in it.
Make a list of all the different kind of twists you could use in this scene then write it with the ones that best tell the story.
01. Something planned for doesn’t happen.
02. Lost their resources.
03. Someone changes sides.
04. A new problem occurs.
05. A lie is uncovered.
06. New consequences emerge.
07. New options emerge.
08. A mistake returns to haunt them.
09. A trust is violated.
10. We see an unexpected side of someone.Twist #1: New options emerge: (1) keep the gallery; (2) have Carolyn run it; (3) its her legacy from her dad
Twist #2: We see an unexpected side of Brooklyn: she wants to keep it, no longer wants to sell it; fights for it as it was her dad’s and he left it to her.
————————————————————
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
In flats, denim jeans and a button down shirt, Brooklyn has shed the tourist look. She is rummaging through piles of papers on her father’s desk.
Richard saunters in drinking coffee, not a care in the world showing on his face.
BROOKLYN “Been thinking about our talk last night. I came here thinking sell, sell, sell. Now, I believe I will hang onto the place for the time being. It’s what my father would have wanted. Besides, I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
RICHARD (right) “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary landscape artists in this region. Make it the entire rocky mountains?”
Richard fusses with a stack of papers near him.
BROOKLYN “I haven’t a clue.”
RICHARD “That is why your father and I made such great partners. We stayed in our lanes. Art and emerging talent(takes a bow) Marketing, Joshua’s focus. “
Richard looks over the rim of his cup, his point clear.
RICHARD (casually) “You have sales and marketing experience, yes?”
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “My best friend owns a successful art gallery in Chicago. I’m one of her clients. She can easily catch me up to speed on who’s who.(flips through papers)She might even want to add my father’s gallery to hers.”
RICHARD (edge to voice) “Different markets, different artists entirely. “
Richard’s cell phone CHIMES. He checks caller ID.
INSERT – CALLER ID
“SPAM”
RICHARD “I have to take this. Jonas, water-colorer extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: he’s easily number two. “
Richard walks out of the office, refrains from slamming the door. The look on his face one of cunning, he mutters:
RICHARD “If bloody is what you want, steak tartar it shall be.”
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Day 3: Dramatic Irony – Assignment
Mike O – Dramatic Irony
What I learned is… giving the audience an insight and then watching it play out really engages the reader/viewer.
1. List your character names along w/ each character’s traits, their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
2. Look through your outline & find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. A scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
3. Start by revealing something to us that one or more characters don’t know.
4. Conclude your scene w/ the moment of recognition when the characters discover what’s really going on.
=======================================================
Brooklyn traits, her subtext character & logline
Brooklyn traits
Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art
Trait 2 – Romantic
Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD
Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.
===================================================================
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn is taken in by the cleanliness: no graffiti, no trash, no litter, not one homeless person.
BROOKLYN (to herself) “Dorothy, you’re no longer in Kansas.”
Every patio table is taken, save for one. Mesmerized by the sunlight filtering through the aspen leaves that surround the deck, BROOKLYN stands at the waist-high wood fence railing and takes it in.
WAITRESS “Hon, gate is on your left. You wanna’ eat out here, or inside?”
Brooklyn points to the empty table. And as she swings open the gate and steps onto the deck…
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
The entry opens into a receptionist’s area and desk. The hardwood floors are old, but in pristine shape.
Half-dozen strategically-placed, potted plants prevent the cherry wood from overwhelming the space. The vibrant oil paintings complement the textured, off-white walls.
Behind the front desk, a large office. At the moment, the door is open. Inside, floor-to-ceiling book cases.
The mountain range seen through the picture window, catty-corner to the antique, roll-top desk, is awe-inspiring.
We HEAR a commode FLUSH. Moment later, phone RINGS. CLOSE ON DESK PHONE as it CHIMES.
Right of the desk, a section of the wall paneling slides open to REVEAL ALAN WORTHINGTON.
Suit and tie, late thirties, dark hair with a little salt mixed in, answers the phone.
ALAN “Worthington Law Offices, this is Alan. How may I help you?
INTERCUT: BROOKLYN SIPPING ICE TEA – ALAN AT HIS DESK.
BROOKLYN “I’m at the Cold Creek Cafe about to order lunch.”
Brooklyn, pencils in a shadow on one of the aspens, then begins to sketch the heart carved into the tree’s bark. CLOSE ON the HEART carved into the bark. Inside it, two sets of initials.
INSERT – HEART
JM + RR
BACK TO SCENE.
BROOKLYN “I’m wearing a flower-print blouse and jeans.”
ALAN “Excellent. I’ll see you in a few.”
Brooklyn sets the phone on the table, returns to her drawing. Years old, the graffiti on the tree makes her smile.
BROOKLYN (at a whisper) “Young love…
TIGHT ON doorway between the restaurant proper and the deck. A MATRONLY BLOND FILLS FRAME.
RUBY Reynolds (62) true blond with a cook’s girth and a grandmother’s perfect smile, watches Brooklyn sketch. The town’s unofficial grandmother, she has been a Wintergreen resident since childhood.
Intrigued, Ruby makes her way over to the table — meeting and greeting along the way as is her schtick.
RUBY (eyes sketch pad) “Your drawing? May I see?”
Brooklyn happily complies turning the paper so the lady is able to see the partially completed aspens and sunlight.
RUBY “Love the trees. I can feel the sunlight. (beat – then) I used to draw. Wasn’t very good.”
Ruby stares at the tree with carved heart and initials, starts to say something — stops. She unconsciously RUBS her left shoulder: An itch? A nicotine patch?
ALAN (O.S.) “Ruby Reynolds, is that you?”
Ruby’s expression instantly brightens, she turns to face the man whose voice she’d recognize anywhere.
Brooklyn does not yet know, the initials stand for Ruby and her father!! Audience knows!!
REVERSE ANGLE ON — Alan striding over and giving Ruby her mandatory hug.
ALAN “When did you get back?”
Giving Ruby his full attention, Alan is unaware Brooklyn is observing him.
RUBY “Yesterday morning. Hurricane was threatening. Last one to hit St. Thomas taught me better than to wait it out.”
ALAN “Prudent course of action. I called, let Colleen know I would be having lunch on the deck.
(looks around) I’m meeting with a client. Joshua’s daughter.”
Ruby gives his hand a squeeze and as she turns to leave, Ruby flashes Brooklyn a glad-to-have-met-you smile.
THERE IS NO MOMENT HERE WHERE BROOKLYN PIECES IT TOGETHER!!! COULDN’T GET IT TO WORK ?? It becomes evident to her later on at the grave yard;;;; guess it will remain an Easter egg, a set up/pay chain.
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Day 2: Conflict and Tension – Assignment
Mike O — Conflict
What I learned is conflict and tension keeps the audience/reader engaged, wanting to see what comes next. It draws them in on a visceral level.
[1] Write a one to five page scene with a central conflict that continue throughout the scene. Try to use ONE OR MORE of these types of conflict: Make the scene’s conflict the most compelling, juicy, interesting problem you can.
[2] Have the main character want something that is difficult to get or achieve & other characters are trying to keep the lead from getting it.
[3] Present an internal and external conflict.
She looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion. Even betrayal.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk. At thirteen, Brooklyn is tall, lanky, amazingly perceptive.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that twenty percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father(note of bitterness)could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right? Your boss?”
BETHANY “He was, and Frank was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother? “
Brooklyn glares at the photo, reaches over and turns it face down.
BROOKLYN (grabs lawyer’s letter) “What did you do, mother?!”
She presses the letter to her chest as the finality hits her. Brooklyn walks over to the Christmas tree and touches the homemade Christmas bulb her father made her.
INSERT – CHRISTMAS BULB
Heart shape filled with red glitter. In the center of it, the green glitter initials: JM + BM
JOSHUA (O.S.) “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”
BACK TO SCENE.
Brooklyn leans in, KISSES the Christmas ornament.
BROOKLYN “I’m coming daddy.”
Brooklyn’s bewilderment turns to a look of determination. She reaches for her phone, asks directory assistance for the number to O’Hare International Airport.
=====================================================
[4] Once you’ve written the scene, run it back through the Conflict Checklist to see if you can improve it.
Added Types of Conflict ADDED: Characters with competing agendas: Mom, a kept woman; Daughter, her father
ADDED: Someone says one thing and does another. Mom about family; chases moneyTo Increase Tension ADDED: Dialogue/Monologue that makes their conflict worse.
[5] Find opportunities to stretch out the tension and add those to the scene.
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Day 2: Conflict and Tension – Assignment
Mike O — Conflict
What I learned is conflict and tension keeps the audience/reader engaged, wanting to see what comes next. It draws them in on a visceral level.
[1] Write a one to five page scene with a central conflict that continue throughout the scene. Try to use ONE OR MORE of these types of conflict: Make the scene’s conflict the most compelling, juicy, interesting problem you can.
[2] Have the main character want something that is difficult to get or achieve & other characters are trying to keep the lead from getting it.
[3] Present an internal and external conflict.
She looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that twenty percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father(note of bitterness)could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon phase, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right?”
BETHANY “Yes and he was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother? “
=================================================================
[4] Once you’ve written the scene, run it back through the Conflict Checklist to see if you can improve it.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Brooklyn looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk. At thirteen, Brooklyn is tall, lanky, amazingly perceptive.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that winning percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father (note of bitterness) could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right? Your boss?”
BETHANY “He was, and Frank was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother?”
Brooklyn glares at the photo, reaches over and turns it face down.
BROOKLYN “I have been such an idiot.”
She takes the letter from the lawyer and presses it in against her chest. A poultice. Pressure bandage. The blood spilling from her chest regret as the finality hits her.
Added Types of Conflict ADDED: Characters with competing agendas: Mom, a kept woman; Daughter, wanting her father
ADDED: Someone says one thing and does another. Mom talks about family but chases money.To Increase Tension ADDED: Dialogue/Monologue that makes their conflict worse.
-
Day XI. Final Assignments – Assignment
What I learned rewriting this scene is everything can be made better. Utilizing the tools and skills in this section of the course gives the writer a process by which is work can and WILL BE made much better by going through the steps.
DAY TEN – SCENE
CAROLYN
“The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up. You know, a number of famous artists were (air quotes) discovered in their early thirties.”
BROOKLYN
“Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old, die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, or need love, or anyone’s approval.”
She reaches for the saltshaker, realigns it with the pepper dispenser. Begins organizing the sugar packets, realizes what she is doing and the fact Carolyn has stopped talking.
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D)
“Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much. ”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN
“We all start out a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.”
BROOKLYN
“You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’”
CAROLYN
“He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
Carolyn discretely checks her watch, does the math in her head. A satisfied look tells us she has plenty of time before whatever she needs to do, needs to be done.
BROOKLYN
“You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN
“Don’t ever settle for okay. It’s a big deal and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. Besides, with the upcoming show only a couple of weeks off, you need a distraction from work. All work and no play…”
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture.
CAROLYN (CONT’D)
“I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacrow’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN (eyes well up)
“You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you. I will be there.”
CAROLYN
“After my mother passed, I was a mess. Grieving takes time; holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love seeing you.”
BROOKLYN (returns to arranging sugar packets)
“Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza and we can watch a Christmas movie or two.”
CAROLYN
“It’s a date. I’ll have Tommy make his famous hot cocoa.”
Brooklyn looks around the room as if remembering something she forgot or misplaced.
CAROLYN (connects dots)
“Okay, how many table and how many patrons?”
BROOKLYN (blurts)
“Fifteen rounds, six booths; seventy-six patrons. Another eight in the waiting area.”
CAROLYN
“In your past life, I believe you were a spy, a Mata Hari.”
BROOKLYN
“Minus the exotic dancer part.”
CAROLYN (bad-girl grin)
“But the courtesan, yes?”
BROOKLYN (winks)
“Of course.”
-
Day IX: What Dialogue Is & Isn’t – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue, on the Attack!
What I learned is that tying various aspects of a character’s makeup into dialogue gives it an added dimension and helps keep the character growing and alive in the audience’s mind.
——————————————-
1. Go to your outline and find a scene where the characters will be talking a lot.
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
3. Write the scene in a way that is filled with: Constant attack/counter attack. Remember, they don’t need to be arguing. They could be working together…or trying to kill each other…or doing a love scene. Constant character traits. Once you’ve completed the scene, check every line of dialogue to see how you can express one or more of their character traits through that line.
========================= TRAITS========================
Brooklyn – Protagonist Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Carolyn – Best Friend, Mentor & Agent Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her gallery Trait 2 – Mothering – Mentors and watches over her clients Trait 3 – Match-maker – believes in love and people need to have love in their life
CAROLYN
“The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN
“Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D)
“Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN
“Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. It’s like your art.”
BROOKLYN
“You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN
“He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN
“You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN
“Don’t ever settle for okay. I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. Besides, with the upcoming showing only a couple of weeks off, you need a distraction from work. All work and no play…”
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture.
CAROLYN (CONT’D)
“I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacrow’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN (eyes well up)
“You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN
“After my mother passed, I was a mess. Grieving takes time; holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love seeing you.”
-
Day IX: What Dialogue Is & Isn’t – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue, on the Attack!
What I learned is that tying various aspects of a character’s makeup into dialogue gives it an added dimension and helps keep the character growing and alive in the audience’s mind.
——————————————-
1. Go to your outline and find a scene where the characters will be talking a lot.
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
3. Write the scene in a way that is filled with: Constant attack/counter attack. Remember, they don’t need to be arguing. They could be working together…or trying to kill each other…or doing a love scene. Constant character traits. Once you’ve completed the scene, check every line of dialogue to see how you can express one or more of their character traits through that line.
========================= TRAITS========================
Brooklyn – Protagonist Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Carolyn – Best Friend, Mentor & Agent Trait 1 – Workaholic – obsessed with her gallery Trait 2 – Mothering – Mentors and watches over her clients Trait 3 – Match-maker – believes in love and people need to have love in their life
=================Scene==========================
CAROLYN
“The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN
“Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D)
“Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN
“Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. It’s like your art.”
BROOKLYN
“You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN
“He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN
“You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN
“Don’t ever settle for okay. I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. Besides, with the upcoming showing only a couple of weeks off, you need a distraction from work. All work and no play…”
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture.
CAROLYN (CONT’D)
“I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacrow’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN (eyes well up)
“You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN
“After my mother passed, I was a mess. Grieving takes time; holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love seeing you.”
-
Day VIII : Fill Your Outline With Character – Assigment(s)
Mike O – Character Outline
1. “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
ASSIGNMENT 1
On Day 5, you created a Character Arc by adding, “Issue, Challenges & Transformation” to your structure. Return to your Day 5 assignment and add the Character Arc parts you like to your outline. The objective is to have your outline updated before you do the scene-by-scene work from today’s lesson.
The Master Outline
OPENING SCENE: INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn (protagonist) having lunch w/ Carolyn talk about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday. Opening – Brooklyn, the protagonist, is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie. (glimpse the start of her character arc, *the part to be changed)
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them.
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must take care of it. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops to eat.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile? b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” Her father wrote to her! It was her mother who wrote “return to sender” on them. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Brooklyn discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved & had love in his life. Also, he kept tabs on her and loved her from afar. (Brooklyn’s fear of intimacy as she encounters a love interest ** Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of intimacy)
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. He milks it. b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place. b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
Mid-Point – Brooklyn is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE BABBLING BOOK GALLERY
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYIN SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Brooklyn thinks Tarek is just like all men, she is quick to dismiss what she feels and how she feels for him and has it in her mind, Iverson is the answer. Fame and fortune, a great provider as her mother put it… (running away, fear of intimacy, etc)
Brooklyn goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. Broolyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.”
Crisis – her love interest who has suffered a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital leaving her with his two small boys. END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name substitutes. b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why. a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
INT. BAR – DAY (THE CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him. Resolution – Brooklyn accepts what happened, takes what her father’s lover tells her to heart and embraces her father’s posthumous love. She decides to live there with her newfound loves. (***Completion of arc)
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
========================================
ASSIGNMENT 2
Add character to each scene in your outline. For your two lead characters, look at each scene they are in and see how something from their profile might play through their actions.
[I] Pull out your Lead Character Profiles and your Outline.
[II] With each scene, ask the following questions: a. What would my protagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile? b. What would my antagonist do in this scene that reflects their profile?
[III] Rewrite the main actions of each scene to deliver character.
-
Day VII: Translating Profiles Into Dialogue & Actions – Assignment
Mike O – Translated Characters
I. “What I’ve learned is the characterization process comes together on various levels, multi-faceted and complex.
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II. Go to your outline and select an interesting situation that has both of your lead characters in it. Translate your new-and-improved characters into a scene in your script.
[1] (protagonist) Brooklyn & Richard (antagonist)
Situation: Brooklyn at dinner with Richard after their initial talk at the art gallery.
INT. CORNER TABLE – LATER
Table linen, candle and porcelain china, place settings complimented the service and decor. Brooklyn glances out the window: pines swaying in the moonlit air. Across the table from her, Richard. His nonchalance a pretext. Before them, their entrees.
BROOKLYN “I heard you’re interested in the gallery.”
RICHARD “You did? Huh, I’m not sure this is the time or place, but since you broached the subject, what were you thinking?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know: rental contract, lease agreement, lease-to-own? Actually, not sure if I want to sell, or take over where my father left off.”
Richard reaches for his wine, gives a thoughtful pause while savoring the Merlot. He notices Brooklyn’s right hand at the edge of the table — typing as if dictating their conversation. (trait #3 Brooklyn)
RICHARD (lies) “Your father and I were business partners. I believe you will find papers to that effect in the office. Where? Lord knows, Joshua was lax way organization. “
Richard flashes a charming smile as the waitress returns with a water pitcher. He waits while she refills his glass. Her indecisiveness a look he’s seen on many faces over the years. (trait #3 Broooklyn)
RICHARD (CONT’D) “As I was saying, your dad and I worked the gallery together. Acquisitions and appraisals, client signings, my area of expertise. Marketing, promotions and showings, your father’s focus. “
Brooklyn, knife in hand, slices into her steak. CLOSE ON the cut as BLOOD leaks out of the New York strip.
RICHARD
Lips red with wine, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin. The princess-cut diamond on Brooklyn’s right index finger holds his gaze. (trait #4 Richard)
RICHARD (CONT’D) “I would never have guessed you like your meat bloody. Red is the color of romance.” (trait #2 Richard)
BROOKLYN “It also represents power and courage.”
RICHARD (smiles) “Artists need a lot of both.”
What would a (trait 1) Brooklyn do or say? (Workaholic – obsessed with her work) What would a (trait 2) Brooklyn do or say? (Romantic) What would a (trait 3) Brooklyn do or say? (Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD) What would a (trait 4) Brooklyn do or say? (yearns to be a successful artist) What would a (subtext) Brooklyn do or say? Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain
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[2] Richard Feldman – Antagonist
Situation: Richard confronting Brooklyn regarding the art gallery
What would a (trait 1) Richard do or say? (womanizer – women are a means to an end) What would a (trait 2) Richard do or say? (manipulative) What would a (trait 3) Richard do or say? (sociopath) What would a (trait 4) Richard do or say? (wants to be rich) What would a (subtext) Richard do or say?
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[3] Tarek – Love Interest
Situation: Tarek and Brooklyn talking about Richard and his intentions.
What would a (trait 1) Tarek do or say?
What would a (trait 2) Tarek do or say?
What would a (trait 3) Tarek do or say?
What would a (trait 4) Tarek do or say?
What would a (subtext) Tarek do or say?
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III. Do a quick brainstorm session, list 2 to 5 ideas for each component of your Character Profiles that don’t already show up in your scene. Ask yourself: What might a (fill in trait here) person do or say here? [1] Brooklyn = peacemaker, accommodating, [2] Richard = condescending, demeaning, cavalier
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Day VI – Chemistry In Relationships – Assignment
Mike O – Character Chemistry
What have I learned from this is that the layers and levels upon which you can examine, build and create characters is amazing! I already seen a HUGE improvement in my characters, their arc and the chemistry I can create between the various characters.
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[2] Compare your top five characters & discover what gives each of their relationships chemistry.
List your character names/roles as couples. 1. Protagonist/Antagonist Brooklyn / Richard
2. Protagonist/Connecting Character Brooklyn / Carolyn
3. Antagonist/Connecting Character Richard / Carolyn
4. Protagonist/Supporting Character 1 Brooklyn / Tarek
5. Antagonist/Supporting Character 1 Richard / Tarek 6. Protagonist/Supporting Character 2 Brooklyn / Alan
7. Antagonist/Supporting Character 2 Richard / Alan
—————————————————————————–[3] Try to express each relationship on as many of these four levels as you can: A. Common ground / similarities. B. Differences that create conflict. C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas D. Need fulfillment
1. Brooklyn/Richard: A. Common ground – they both want the Art Gallery for very different reasons. B. Differences – Brooklyn has inherited the gallery; Richard feels he is entitled to it. C. Competing Agendas – Brooklyn wants to retain her father’s legacy & have Carolyn run it. Richard – wants sole ownership, sees it as a mecca for new and upcoming talented painters D. Need Fulfillment – Brooklyn want to retain her father’s legacy, feels close to him there. Richard feels he has earned the gallery; it’s his eye for talent, his signing the new and rising artists
2. Brooklyn/Carolyn: A. Common ground – Both have respect for one another. Carolyn respects her talents; Brooklyn respects Carolyn’s judgment and advice. B. Differences – Carolyn believes in love; Brooklyn does not believe in relationships or intimacy C. Competing Agendas – Carolyn’s match-making ways create problems for Brooklyn D. Need fulfillment – Carolyn needs Brooklyn to find love, to find happiness; Brooklyn needs to accept her father’s posthumous love, forgive her mother and let love enter into her life.
3. Richard /Carolyn: A. Common ground – Interest in Brooklyn; for different reasons. They both want the gallery: Carolyn for Brooklyn; Richard for his selfishness. B. Differences – She knows Richard is a thief; Richard knows she is onto him C. Competing Agendas – the gallery and Brooklyn’s wellbeing D. Need fulfillment – Carolyn’s need to protect and lookout for Brooklyn; Richard feels if he can’t have the gallery, no one will. He torches it.
4. Brooklyn/Tarek: A. Common ground – Brooklyn’s father; he was Tarek’s friend, Tarek designed his cabin B. Differences – He has history with Richard; Brooklyn knows Richard is after the gallery C. Competing Agendas – Brooklyn wants to retain her father’s legacy; Tarek D. Need fulfillment – Tarek needs the love of a good woman; needs to make his family and himself whole. Brooklyn needs love, needs to accept her father’s posthumus love and find love for herself.
5. Richard/Tarek: A. Common ground – Tarek sold his first photograph; believed in his work and in him B. Differences – Richard is single; parties; Tarek is a family man, doesn’t party C. Competing Agendas – D. Need fulfillment – Richard wants to turn the gallery into a mecca for new talent. Tarek needs to find love, make his family whole.
6. Brooklyn/Alan: A. Common ground – wants her father’s gallery; Alan wants to make sure it isn’t taken from her. B. Differences – She is an artist; sees the world a certain way; Alan is a lawyer, sees it another. C. Competing Agendas – D. Need fulfillment – Alan needs to honor her father’s wishes; Brooklyn needs to accept his love and the loss and embrace love when it comes her way.
7. Richard/Alan: A. Common ground – B. Differences – C. Competing Agendas – Richard’s legal trickery to try and steal the gallery; Alan’s use of law to stop him D. Need fulfillment – Alan needs to do right by Brooklyn for her father’s sake;
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Day V – Adding Character Arc – Assignment
Mike O – Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is this is the skeleton upon which all the twists, insights and growth or decline the character goes through hangs off of.
1. Apply the Character Arc process to your protagonist & add the improvements to your structure. Return to your structure from Day 7 of the Outlining Class.
2. Brainstorm potential Character Arcs. Look at your story structure and your protagonist character profile together. First look to see if there is an obvious change that will take place in your protagonist. Where does your main character start and end up? Does that imply a transformation? If not, brainstorm possible fears, flaws, or traits that could be changed. Remember, you are going to pick ONE to build your Character Arc around.
Protagonist’s fear: her fear of a committed and intimate relationship.
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3. With the arc you’ve chosen, write up the Issue, Challenges, and Transformation.
1. The Issue: Brooklyn is afraid of a committed relationship as intimacy creates an emotional vulnerability she is terrified of. Casual dating is Brooklyn’s modus operendi, whenever it becomes more, she vanishes.
2. The Challenges: An antagonist who is charming, seductive and scheming; (2) a stranger with two sweet boys showing up on her father’s doorstep; (3) a café owner who was the love of her father’s life; (4) a wealthy and powerful patron offering fame and fortune at a price. Their agendas, drives and desires regarding life and love help to transform Brooklyn’s view on intimacy.
3. The Transformation: The fear of Intimacy trait, of being in a committed relationship, has been transformed into an accepting and Loving trait as she lets the stranger and his children into her home and heart.
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4. Now, look at your Day 7 Structure and add in key points from #3 — Issue, Challenges, and Transformation.
The Nine beats of the script’s structure are as follows:
3a. Opening – Brooklyn, the protagonist, is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
3b. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3c. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist has to leave her “life” travel across country and take care of her father’s estate.
3d. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Brooklyn discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved & had love in his life. Also, he kept tabs on her and loved her from afar.
3e. Mid-Point – Brooklyn is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
3f. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Brooklyn realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent him from stealing her father’s art gallery.
3g. Crisis – In addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery, Brooklyn has to deal with her love interest who has suffered a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital leaving her with his two small boys.
3h. Climax – Brooklyn and the antagonist come face to face. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. Brooklyn has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings before setting the place on fire.
3i. Resolution – Brooklyn accepts what happened, takes what her father’s lover tells her to heart and embraces her father’s posthumous love. She decides to live there with her newfound loves.
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[4] Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist (Brooklyn) and add it to your structure.
4a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to let someone/anyone into her heart
4b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of intimacy
4c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, faces her fears, falls in love and gets married. -
Day IV: Characterization – Assignment
Mike O – Characters Live!
What I learned is… the process allows you to build your characters from a number of different vantage points. It gives you, the writer, a chance to really flesh out the protagonist or antagonist. Without being too on the nose.
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1. Look thru your outline, select a scene where you want ONE character to stand out from the others. My protagonist.
At a window table, BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way.
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2. Brainstorm ideas for the scene for each of these areas:
(Six Methods of Characterization)
1. How can I describe the character in an interesting way?
2. How can the character burst onto the scene?
3. What actions naturally fit this scene and the character?
4. What would a character with these traits say in this scene?
5. How might other characters describe this one?
6. What environment would show off who this character is?——————————————————-
3. Write an initial draft where that character stands out by having them burst on the scene, giving them a vivid introduction, expressing who they are through their dialogue, and having others talk about them. You may have as many characters in the scene as you want, but have your lead stand out through as many of the forms of characterization as you can.
Others talking about her: “She’s either inspired and frenetic, or quiet and contemplative. If asked, Brooklyn would say: ‘painting defines her, describes her purpose in life.”
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4. Take a break for a few hours, then read the initial draft & make any changes you’d like.
Before you stress out, you need to know that this can be easy. You’re just writing a scene. The only difference is that you are highlighting one character through characterization.
You can apply one of two strategies to write it: [1] Write a scene you like, then add characterization. [2] Design a lot of characterization for one of your characters, then build a scene around it.
SCENE:
INT. CAFE – LUNCH
CAMERA MOVES from table to table, through an upscale bistro from a waiter’s perspective. Fashionably dressed business professionals: eating, texting, talking between bites.
Fragments of a dozen conversations add to the pandemonium. It’s noisy, it’s Chicago, and as another holiday season approaches busy becomes a universal constant.
Faux antique wall clock over the receptionist’s desk reads quarter past twelve. Lunch in full swing.
A waiting line forms. Trendy, fickle, the moneyed crowd will be elsewhere in six months, sooner if another eatery opens.
At a window table, BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way.
Across the table from her, CAROLYN: confident, take-charge woman, with a slight weight issue. Bit of a matchmaker, she means well and mothers all her clients, especially Brooklyn — the daughter she never had.
CAROLYN “The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN “Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D) “Forgive my rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN “Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. “
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I have a bottle of that French Pinot you love so.”
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN “I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer.
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture
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Day III: Character Agendas – Assignment
Mike O – Dueling Agendas
What did you learn from this assignment is the juxtapositioning of agendas creates instant conflict and allows the writer to build-up the characters’ hidden agendas. I am reminded of the set/payoff and how creating setup-payoff chains added to the entire script. You can track and build the various characters agendas, show how they change as circumstances change and also to illustrate the maturation or decline of that particular character.
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[1]. Select two characters with competing agendas in a scene. List their names along with each character’s traits & their subtext above the scene. Go into your outline and select a scene where two characters have competing agendas. Highlight the character’s agendas through their actions and dialogue.
Name: Brooklyn Murray (protagonist)
Traits: 1. Workaholic – obsessed with her work 2. Romantic 3. Indecisive and struggles with OCD 4. yearns to be a successful artist 5. In denial
Subtext: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain
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Name: Richard Feldman (antagonist)Traits: 1. Womanizer – women are a means to an end only 2. Manipulative 3. Sociopath 4. Wants to be rich 5. Devious
Subtext: Hiding his intention to steal the gallery from Brooklyn. He covets art, loves paintings, hides the fact he is a lousy painter and dropped out of famous art school. ====================================================== From Scene 11 of the master outline
INT. CORNER TABLE – LATER
Table linen, candle and porcelain china, place settings complimented the service and decor. Brooklyn glances out the window: pines swaying in the moonlit air. Across the table from her, Richard. His nonchalance a pretext. Before them, their entrees.
BROOKLYN “I heard you’re interested in the gallery.”
RICHARD “You did? Huh, I’m not sure this is the time or place, but since you broached the subject, what were you thinking?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know: rental contract, lease agreement, lease-to-own? Actually, not sure if I want to sell, or take over where my father left off.”
Richard reaches for his wine, gives a thoughtful pause while savoring the Merlot.
RICHARD (lies) “Your father and I were business partners. I believe you will find papers to that effect in the office. Where? Lord knows, Joshua had a way with organization. “
Richard flashes a charming smile as the waitress returns with a water pitcher. He waits while she refills his glass.
RICHARD (CONT’D) “As I was saying, your dad and I worked the gallery together. Acquisitions and appraisals, client signings, my area of expertise. Marketing, promotions and showings, your father’s focus. “
Brookly, knife in hand, slices into her steak. CLOSE ON the cut as BLOOD leaks out of the New York strip.
Richard, lips red with wine, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin. The princess-cut diamond on Brooklyn’s right index finger holds his gaze.
RICHARD (CONT’D) “I would never had guessed you like your meat bloody.”
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2. Create a situation where those agendas would naturally oppose each other.
Brooklyn searches the office, cannot find any papers on a partnership. She confronts Richard, says: “I have been thinking it over and I believe I will hang onto the place. For the time being at least.” (smiles) “I know a thing or two about art and artists.”Richard hides his irritation with a coy smile. “You do. Pray tell. Who are the top three contemporary artists in this region. Make it the entire rocky mountains?”
Brooklyn shrugs, “Haven’t a clue.”
Richard leaves it at that. He pretends to go through some files, his cell rings, he says: “I really must take this. Jonas is a watercolor extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: ‘he’s easily number two.’
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3. Write a high-speed outline of how the agendas can play out.
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
Brooklyn – “Been thinking about our conversation. Believe I will hang onto the place for the time being. I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
Richard – “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary artists in this region. Make it the entire rocky mountains?”
Brooklyn – “Haven’t a clue.”
Richard leaves it at that. He pretends to go through some files, his cell rings,
Richard – “I really must take this. Jonas is a watercolor extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: ‘he’s easily number two.’
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4. Write the scene in a free-flow, allowing the characters to express their agendas fully.
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
Brooklyn “Been thinking about our conversation. Believe I will hang onto the place for the time being. I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
Richard (right) “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary artists in this region. Make it the entire rocky mountains?”
Richard continues fussing with the stacks of papers.
Brooklyn “Haven’t a clue.”
Richard “That is why your father and I made such great partners. We stayed in our lanes. Art and emerging talent (takes a bow). Marketing and sales, Joshua. “
Richard looks over (casually) “You do have sales and marketing experience, yes?”
Brooklyn “My best friend owns a very successful art gallery in Chicago. I’m one of her clients. She can easily catch me up to speed on who’s who. (flips through papers) “She might even want to add my father’s gallery to hers.”
Richard’s cell phone CHIMES. He checks the caller ID.
INSERT – CALLER ID
“Spam”
Richard – “I really must take this. Jonas, a watercolor extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: ‘he’s easily number two.’
Richard walks out of the office, refrains from slamming the door shut. The look on his face one of cunning. He mutters: “If bloody is what you want, steak tartar it shall be.”
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Day II : More Subtext Character Traits – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext and Loglines
What I learned is “ with each layer, each process, the depth of the character becomes apparent and it fits in the ‘big picture’ instead of having to go back in after the fact and repair/improve a certain character trait.
I. Create subtext and loglines for your three main characters. Then write a list of possible areas for subtext with each character.
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(1) Name: Brooklyn Murray (protagonist)Traits: 1. Workaholic – obsessed with her work 2. Romantic 3. Indecisive and struggles with OCD 4. yearns to be a successful artist 5. In denial
Subtext: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain
Character Logline: Brooklyn is a gifted painter who HIDES in her work to avoid FACING life.
Possible areas of subtext: Buries herself in her work, escapes having to face anything not art-related. Tragedy forces her out of hiding. Discovering who her father was and dealing with the abandonment issues frees Brooklyn from the self-imposed isolation she’s been living.
————————————————————— (2) Name: Richard Feldman (antagonist)
Traits: 1. Womanizer – women are a means to an end only 2. Manipulative 3. Sociopath 4. Wants to be rich 5. Devious
Subtext: Hiding his intention to steal the gallery from Brooklyn. He covets art, loves paintings, hides the fact he is a lousy painter and dropped out of famous art school.
Character Logline: Richard is charming, seductive and scheming. He craves wealth and loves paintings. They speak to him in a way he respects and cannot manipulate.
Possible areas of subtext: His interaction with Brooklyn as well as his dealings with Alan, her lawyer. Uses his charm to hoodwink clients with talent or who show promise. Great as massaging clients.
————————————————————— (3) Name: Tarek (love interest)
Traits: 1. Overprotective, single father 2. Pragmatic, even pessimistic 3. Wants to find true love 4. Diplomatic
Subtext: Covering up, Concealing, his loneliness from everyone including himself. Afraid to admit he needs love, the love of a woman.
Character Logline: Tarek is a single father who must put his loss and grief aside if he is to win the woman he just met (Brooklyn).
Possible areas of subtext: His interactions with Brooklyn, his overprotectiveness with his two sons, his demeanor in public.
More Subtext Character Traits
1. HIDING SOMETHING – Concealing – Secretive – Clandestine – Invisible – Covering up – In denial – Conspiring – Undercover – Disguising – Covert – Scheming – Devious – Evasive – Cloaking – Obscure
2. AFRAID TO SAY – Shy – Scared – Intimidated – Withholding – Secretive – Concealing – Evasive – Nervous – Panicked – Paranoid
3. LYING – Deceitful – Secretive – Tricky – Weaselly – Suspicious – In denial – Devious – Concealing
– Sneaky – Undercover – Scheming – Slippery – Crafty – Treacherous – Evasive – Immoral – Conniving – Unethical – Underhanded4. LURING/SEDUCING – Manipulative – Secretive – Sensual – Seductive – Conspiring – Crafty – Concealing – Sly – Sneaky – Scheming – Devious – Immoral – Conniving – Unethical – Slippery – Shifty – Deceitful
5. BEING POLITE – Nice exterior – Political – Withholding – Diplomatic – Refined – Tactful – Discreet – Smooth – Modest – Discreet – Bashful – Reserved – Politically correct – Self-Censoring
6. PLOTTING – Manipulative – Secretive – Underhanded – Tricky – Conspiring – Weaselly – Immoral – Sly – Sneaky – Undercover – Scheming – Devious – Concealing – Crafty – Treacherous – Deceitful – Conniving – Unethical – Underhanded – Evasive – Corrupt – Shady – Slippery – Shifty
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DAY ONE: Creating Character Profiles – Assignment
Mike O – Characters
Assignment: Create Character Profiles for THREE characters you’ll use throughout the program. Then post them to the forums. Recommended characters: (1)Protagonist, (2) antagonist, (3) a third character that connects the two in some way.
(1) Brooklyn Murray (protagonist)
(2) Richard Feldman (antagonist)
(3) Tarek (love interest & friend of Richard’s)
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Character Name: Brooklyn Murray
1. Basic character traits: What are 3 or 4 traits that this character consistently operates out of? Usually, one of those traits needs to be unique to keep the character from being cliche.
1. Workaholic – obsessed with her work
2. Romantic
3. Indecisive and struggles with OCD
4. yearns to be a successful artist
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2. Want/Need What does this character want throughout this story? What is the underlying need that is driving that want?
Wants – her paintings, her work, to be recognized and valued Needs – Love and to be valued for who she is
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3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) What opposite values does this character have that creates an internal conflict for them?
1. Her work is sensual, erotic and complex. 2. Her life is sheltered, G-rated and the opposite of her paintings.
2. Her work studio is eclectic, paints, paintings and ideas everywhere. 2. Her home is OCD perfect. Two completely different living spaces.
3. She finds small children wonderful, loves to babysit for friends with small children. 2. She is put off by babies, hates crying and trying to guess what they need or want.
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4. Secret: What are they hiding that ultimately could keep them from getting their desire in this story?
Brooklyn is a virgin. She saw her step-dad and her mom having rough/violent sex as a little girl.
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5. Flaw: What weakness or dysfunction does this character have that makes them human?
Brooklyn is indecisive, fearful of change, and will walk away from men at first sign of danger.
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6. Special: The thing that completely separates this character from all others. It could be the part of them that is odd or intense or cool or profound.
She respects her talent, she is the opposite of self-destructive and she’s turned her life of loneliness into a pursuit of artistic perfection.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Character Name: Richard Feldman
1. Basic character traits: What are 3 or 4 traits that this character consistently operates out of? Usually, one of those traits needs to be unique to keep the character from being cliche.
1. Womanizer – women are a means to an end only
2. Manipulative
3. Sociopath
4. Wants to be rich
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2. Want/Need What does this character want throughout this story? What is the underlying need that is driving that want?
Wants – to be rich and have the freedom it provides a person
Needs – to learn choices have consequence; you reap what you sow
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3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) What opposite values does this character have that creates an internal conflict for them?
1. He is manipulative, gracious and can charm people easily. 2. He has dozens of acquaintances, but no true friends.
2. He has a great eye for artistic talent and has ‘discovered’ a number of artists. 2. Richard has no innate talent himself; he has tried drawing, painting, it’s awful.
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4. Secret: What are they hiding that ultimately could keep them from getting their desire in this story?
Richard is hiding his addiction to collecting paintings he knows are great and will be recognized later on. Before the Babbling Brook Gallery, Richard used to be an art thief… Never caught, never even suspected.
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5. Flaw: What weakness or dysfunction does this character have that makes them human?
He fights his self-centered and self-absorbed mannerisms in order to foster his love-of-people persona.
In truth, he finds anyone who isn’t artistically talented inconsequential and could care less about them.
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6. Special: The thing that completely separates this character from all others. It could be the part of them that is odd or intense or cool or profound.
He realizes exactly what he is, monologues with himself when stressed or wanting something.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Character Name: Tarek
1. Basic character traits: What are 3 or 4 traits that this character consistently operates out of? Usually, one of those traits needs to be unique to keep the character from being cliche.
1. Overprotective, single father
2. Pragmatic, even pessimistic
3. Wants to find true love
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2. Want/Need What does this character want throughout this story? What is the underlying need that is driving that want?
Wants – to start a new life, in a new town away from everything that reminds him of his dead wife.
Needs – to find a wife, someone who will complete him and his family
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3. Paradoxes (Warring elements) What opposite values does this character have that creates an internal conflict for them?
1. He loves being a father, loves his two boys with all his heart 2. After his wife died, he couldn’t keep up the demanding pace at work, was laid off. Resents Corp. America. The life insurance policy on his wife keeps him from worrying about $
2. Adrift emotionally and professionally, he makes his boys his whole life. 2. At the same time: grief and loneliness have taken his confidence, his desire to date.
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4. Secret: What are they hiding that ultimately could keep them from getting their desire in this story?
He wants to have a daughter. He grew up with two brothers; there are no daughters in his family.
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5. Flaw: What weakness or dysfunction does this character have that makes them human?
Tarek puts his sons needs, wants and future before all else: over-compensating and reliving boyhood vicariously
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6. Special: The thing that completely separates this character from all others. It could be the part of them that is odd or intense or cool or profound.
He believes in a nuclear family, he hasn’t completely given up on the idea of finding ‘someone’ to share his life with. And he refuses to left grief and loss change him or turn him jaded.
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DAY SIXTEEN – WRITE YOUR ESSENCE ONLY OUTLINE – ASSIGNMENT
What I learned is this condensed version of the script will allow me to change, to amend and create on the fly, so to speak. It is a HUGE time saver and it truly will free my mind up to change and improve each scene with a tenth the time required when I have it all written out and must slow through my beat-sheet.
LOGLINE: As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of success as a painter, romance finds her at a crossroads: disillusionment and a mother’s deception conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Brooklyn accept her estranged father’s posthumous love and find love for herself.
MAIN CONFLICT: Brooklyn loves her father’s art gallery, her legacy, she must fight to keep the general manager from stealing it.
DILEMMA: Brooklyn learns of her mother’s deception and her father’s undying love for her. She must learn to forgive her mother in order to embrace her father’s posthumous love.
THEME: True love is unconditional. It forgives, it grows and makes life worth living.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
[1] INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn (protagonist) talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
[2] EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
[3] INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
[4] FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them emotionally. She is the one who filed for divorce.
[5] INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
[6] INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
[7] EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
[8] EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town.
[9] INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and agrees to join her for lunch.
[10] INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
[11] INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
[12] INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
[13] INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
[14] EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
[15] INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
[16] EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
[17] FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters marked “return to sender” It’s her mother handwriting, she wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
[18] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed. She invites them in. There is instant chemistry.
[19] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They talk about him being in heaven w/ their mom.
[20] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
[21] INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn. Bonding and talking, feels real.
[22] EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, they have a snowball fight.
[23] EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
[24] INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn retrieves the shoebox of old letters, the electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
[25] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
[26] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
[27] INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her, it’s all in his head.
[28] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
[29] EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
[30] INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
[31] INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson goes to Carolyn’s gallery, to pick up paintings. He inquires about the artist. Later, tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
[32] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has to see her in person to buy her works.
[33] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
[34] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
[35] INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
[36] MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
[37] INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
[38] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
[39] EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
[40] SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
[41] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
[42] INTERCUT: ALAN, AT HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her.
[43] EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
[44] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
[45] INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
[46] INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
[47] INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
[48] INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
[49] INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
[50] INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
[51] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and the boys are dressed to be out in the elements.
[52] INT. CABIN – STAIRWELL
Brooklyn rushes down, goes to the door and lets Tarek in. They talk, about to kiss when door opens and boys come inside to use bathroom.
[53] INT. PICKUP – LATER
Brooklyn rides with them as they drive to a meadow to cut down a Christmas tree for her.
[54] SERIES OF SHOTS
1. Snow shoe rabbit, 2. white tail doe. Tree stump with Brandon, tyler & Joshua’s initials carved into the base.
[55] EXT. MEADOW – LATER
They find the perfect tree, take photos of it and themselves in front of it. Eat lunch there in the wilderness.
[56] INT. CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn waves goodbye as they drive off. The Christmas tree in the great room smells wonderful.
[57] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – NIGHT
They make dinner together. Tarek and Brooklyn talk about the gallery, his work, the future.
[58] Tyler interrupts, drags Brooklyn to their tree, shows her the Xmas bulb he made for her.
[59] INSERT – TEXT
It is Carolyn, telling Brook that Iverson wants her, will pay 5$ per day for work on the murals.
[60] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch, boys are in bed. She asks Tarek to come to Chicago, he says he can’t, $ is tight. She is upset. Hides it.
[61] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – GREAT ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree.
[62] INT. LIVING ROOM TABLE – LATER
The group is playing Monopoly. Brandon senses Brooklyn is leaving. She says she’ll be back before Xmas. Brandon walks off. Tarek goes after him. Tyler, sits and cries. Brooklyn finds out that their mother said the same thing and never came back.
[63] INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her and leaves.
[64] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
[65] INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
[66] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
[67] INT. CAROLYN’S KITCHEN – LATER
Carolyn makes Tyler chocolate milk. They’re playing video games.
[68] INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves to paint,
[69] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Tarek collapses in pain. Brandon, in a panic, calls Brooklyn’s number.
[70] INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. She tells him to call 911.
[71] EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
[72] INT. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn keeps the boys entertained with drawing, hangman and tic-tac-toe.
[73] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
[74] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings, substitutes them for no-name paintings. He then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no-name substitutes. Leaves whistling.
[75] INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Carolyn shows Iverson what Brooklyn’s done on the ideas for his six murals
[76] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn is there nursing Tarek, the boys are there sleeping in their beds. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and the alarm company. Tyler hears phone, runs into room panicked. She calms him. Leaves.
[77] INT. VEHICLE – LATER
Brooklyn sees the flashing lights of the fire truck and police car two blocks away. She drives up, is heart broken. Her father’s legacy is in ruins. She sits in her car dumbstruck. Sheriff comes over to her.
[78] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn reviews the videos, sees the man in black, she catches a glimpse of the hand tattoo. There is the proof she needs. She calls the Sheriff and tells Jack to meet her at the Smoke Shack Bar. He warns her don’t do anything foolish.
[79] INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn enters and confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
[80] EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
[81] EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
[82] INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
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Day 15 – Flag Scenes To Solve & Elevate – Assignment
Pro Series – Mike O – Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate
What I learned is….. examining one aspect of a script at a time, isolating weaknesses and areas that can be improved elevates both the script and the way I, as a writer, approach a script moving forward. Utilize the process, brainstorm for improvement, make the corrections/changes and then move to the next item. It sounds a bit robotic and repetitive; it is neither. It allows you to create, improve and stay focused on one aspect at a time. I tend to do too much non-linear thinking, writing and bouncing around a script.
1. Read your entire outline and FLAG every scene that has a problem. Give us a paragraph on those so we know what you’ve discovered.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings. [1] INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn (protagonist) talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday. (FLAG) * Have Brook organize the table, cutlery, etc. stress is a major trigger of your OCD symptoms. In addition, as the anxiety caused by your stress often causes you to use poor coping strategies like avoidance = she does this! We learn it is her mother that was the root of her stress;
[2] EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing. (FLAG) Improve the scene by showing her being OCD: she checks the case, her scarf, etc before getting out of the car.
[3] INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
[4] FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them emotionally. She is the one who filed for divorce.
[5] INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
[6] INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days. (FLAG) Improve the dialogue between them.
[7] EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
[8] EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. (FLAG) Improve by showing the difference in drivers: kind and courteous versus Chicago drivers. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
[9] INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and agrees to join her for lunch.
[10] INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
[11] INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
[12] INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
[13] INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful. (FLAG) Improve by showing Brooklyn poor driving off-road, almost getting stuck.
[14] EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
[15] INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
[16] EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
[17] FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters marked “return to sender” It’s her mother handwriting, she wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
[18] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed. She invites them in. There is instant chemistry.
[19] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They talk about him being in heaven w/ their mom.
[20] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
[21] INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn. Bonding and talking, feels real.
[22] EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, they have a snowball fight.
[23] EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
[24] INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn retrieves the shoebox of old letters, the electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire. (FLAG) Improve by showing her having a hard time lighting a fire. Never did it before.
[25] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
[26] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
[27] INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her, it’s all in his head. (FLAG) Show Richard mocking & denigrating her.
[28] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
[29] EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
[30] INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
[31] INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson goes to Carolyn’s gallery, to pick up paintings. He inquires about the artist. Later, tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
[32] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has to see her in person to buy her works.
[33] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
[34] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide. (FLAG) work on this, again you want to show, don’t tell. Monologues with her dead mom.
[35] INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
[36] MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
[37] INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
[38] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
[39] EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
[40] SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
[41] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
[42] INTERCUT: ALAN, AT HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her.
[43] EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
[44] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
[45] INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
[46] INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
[47] INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
[48] INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
[49] INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE I NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
HAVE TO WRITE THESE SCENES OUT — IDEAS that I got while doing this outline series
Brooklyn goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
[50] INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy. (FLAG) show her clap her hands like a little kid, spring out of bed…*Her OCD is gone!!
[51] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and the boys are dressed to be out in the elements.
[52] INT. CABIN – STAIRWELL
Brooklyn rushes down, goes to the door and lets Tarek in. They talk, about to kiss when door opens and boys come inside to use bathroom.
[53] INT. PICKUP – LATER
Brooklyn rides with them as they drive to a meadow to cut down a Christmas tree for her.
[54] SERIES OF SHOTS
1. Snow shoe rabbit, 2. white tail doe. Tree stump with Brandon, tyler & Joshua’s initials carved into the base.
[55] EXT. MEADOW – LATER
They find the perfect tree, take photos of it and themselves in front of it. Eat lunch there in the wilderness.
[56] INT. CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn waves goodbye as they drive off. The Christmas tree in the great room smells wonderful.
[57] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – NIGHT
They make dinner together. Tarek and Brooklyn talk about the gallery, his work, the future.
[58] Tyler interrupts, drags Brooklyn to their tree, shows her the Xmas bulb he made for her.
[59] INSERT – TEXT
It is Carolyn, telling Brook that Iverson wants her, will pay 5$ per day for work on the murals.
[60] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch, boys are in bed. She asks Tarek to come to Chicago, he says he can’t, $ is tight. She is upset. Hides it.
[61] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – GREAT ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. Brooklyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
[62] INT. LIVING ROOM TABLE – LATER
The group is playing Monopoly. Brandon senses Brooklyn is leaving. She says she’ll be back before Xmas. Brandon walks off. Tarek goes after him. Tyler, sits and cries. Brooklyn finds out that their mother said the same thing and never came back.
[63] INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her and leaves.
[64] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
[65] INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
[66] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
[67] INT. CAROLYN’S KITCHEN – LATER
Carolyn makes Tyler chocolate milk. They’re playing video games.
[68] INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves to paint,
[69] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Tarek collapses in pain. Brandon, in a panic, calls Brooklyn’s number.
[70] INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. She tells him to call 911.
[71] EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
[72] INT. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn keeps the boys entertained with drawing, hangman and tic-tac-toe.
[73] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
[74] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings, substitutes them for no-name paintings. He then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no-name substitutes. Leaves whistling.
[75] INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Carolyn shows Iverson what Brooklyn’s done on the ideas for his six murals
[76] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn is there nursing Tarek, the boys are there sleeping in their beds. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and the alarm company. Tyler hears phone, runs into room panicked. She calms him. Leaves.
[77] INT. VEHICLE – LATER
Brooklyn sees the flashing lights of the fire truck and police car two blocks away. She drives up, is heart broken. Her father’s legacy is in ruins. She sits in her car dumbstruck. Sheriff comes over to her.
[78] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn reviews the videos, sees the man in black, she catches a glimpse of the hand tattoo. There is the proof she needs. She calls the Sheriff and tells Jack to meet her at the Smoke Shack Bar. He warns her don’t do anything foolish.
[79] INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn enters and confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
[80] EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
[81] EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
[82] INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
2. Read your entire outline again and flag any scene that can be improved in any way. Give us a paragraph on those scenes so we know what you’ve discovered. The biggest payoff (well, they all are, but for me personally, was the setup/payoff chains. I had that down intuitively but now I have a real tool to track and use that. It is one of my favorite things to use in a script, besides character development.
3. Start with the easiest and improve one at a time, working your way to the more difficult areas. See outline above
This may be the easiest lesson of the entire process, but it is valuable. Even if you only improve your outline by 10%, it might make a big difference in the overall quality of your story. IMPORTANT: This isn’t about adding details to your outline. You’ll do that as we write scenes later. You still want only one or two sentences per scene in your outline. This is about IMPROVING what is already there, which usually means replacing a “good” scene/idea with a “great” scene/idea.
We have one more Pass and your outline will be complete — for this section. In truth, you’ll continue to evolve your outline with each module we do, but the next Pass will bring it to a level where you can easily benefit from the rest of the ProSeries.
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Day 14: Clichè Busting – Assignment
ProSeries – Mike O – Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is… you have in your subconscious a library room filled with old movies, scenes you liked, ideas that you gleaned from TV, the movies, or even write-ups about movies. These memories have a tendency to bleed into your script and become the genesis of your cliché. I went through the outline and asked myself at each slug-line. Have I seen this before. If I had, I wrote down what movie it came from in red ink and moved to the next slug-line.
1. Go through your outline and identify any scenes that you’ve seen in another movie or that feel familiar. Make sure you are rigorous about this. Any scene that you’ve seen before gets flagged.
1a. Make a list of those scenes:
(1) Opening Scene: INT. CAFE — LUNCH — very common place. Need something more telling (2) INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY – introduction of antagonist, he’s charming, overdone. (3) INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING (feels overused) Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy. (4) INT. GALLERY – LATER (apology basket; overused) Have him do something unusual (Redo)
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
2. Select at least one of those scenes for this assignment (If you claim you don’t have any clichè scenes, then select a scene that you want improved) and list it like this:
2a. CHOSEN SCENE: INT. GALLERY – LATER Tarek sends a horse-drawn sleigh to the gallery, has Brooklyn driven to the café (Ruby’s Café) Tarek has a private room inside reserved for their meal.
3. Then list the purpose. What are you trying to accomplish with that scene? It will show the romantic side to Tarek. The whimsical, over-the-top gesture which draws Brooklyn out of her shell, brings out the kid in her as well.
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose. (1) Tarek could hire carolers to stand outside the gallery and sing to Brooklyn (2) Tarek can have a care package sent to her cabin (3) Tarek can have a photograph he took of her enlarged, framed & waiting for her inside her Jeep. (4) Plan a picnic. It’s a classic for a reason: time away, time alone. (5) Attend the Christmas play at the local high school.
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection. I choose the picnic even though it is winter and there is snow. He can take her to a campsite, build a fire, bring cocoa, warm stew, Xmas music , etc.
5a. Does it fulfill the purpose/meaning that is important to me? Revealing the romantic aspect of Tarek.
5b. Is it a significant departure from the clichè scene? It still could be seen as a cliché only no one picnics in winter.
5c. Does it accomplish the purpose in a fresh & surprising way that will entertain audiences? Picnicking in snow, blankets a small propane heater, Xmas music, warm food and cocoa… I can have Brooklyn comment on how summer picnics miss out on (1) snowflakes, on white bunnies in the snow, etc.
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Day 13: Making Non-Linear Decisions – Assignment
Mike O – Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is the brilliance of dissecting each aspect of a script, separating it from the other facets and improving it. Non-linear decisions work. I have always been a non-linear thinker. Ideas come and I immediately jot them down, put them in the outline where I think they belong and then return to whatever it was I was doing.
[1] List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: “Love finds a way”
Setup – Carolyn tells protagonist “Love finds a way”
Payoff 1: Protagonist discovers her father’s love; he found a way to tell her he loved her. Payoff 2: Protagonist falls in love with a complete stranger on her father’s doorstep.
Payoff 3: Protagonist recognizes the love of a true friend and tells Carolyn so.
SP CHAIN 2: “Ping-pong ball is always rolling away”
Setup – Protagonist comes home, changes, accidentally kicks the ping-pong ball it rolls off
Payoff 1: Protagonist tells the ping-pong ball “Keep rolling, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you & me now.”
Payoff 2: Protagonist takes it w/ her; falls out of her purse at her dad’s cabin, she says, “Roll with it? That the message here?”
Payoff 3: Protagonist turns it into an ornament, gives it to love interest’s youngest son to hang on the tree, says: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a reason, it will stay put.”
SP CHAIN 3: “Paints and paintings don’t lie, don’t age and don’t leave you.” Setup – Brooklyn laments her love life and lying boyfriends, “Paints & paintings don’t lie….”
Payoff 1: Protagonist tells Carolyn she trusts paints and paintings, not people.
Payoff 2: Protagonist tells rich client “Murals must stand the test of time, tell of a immortal truth.
Payoff 3: The paintings in protagonist’s gallery that were stolen by the Antagonist; they hang himSP CHAIN 4: The heart with a person’s initials inside it is meant forever. Setup: The heart her father made for her and put on a Christmas bulb. He said: “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.” Payoff 1: Brooklyn
[2] Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger. SP Chain 4
2a. How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? Setup is fine. I need a more emotional payoff, one that shows man’s vacillation and the impermanence of relationships to reinforce the Protagonist’s initial take on love and happy ever after.
2b. How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? Show a heart with initials in it, on say a tree by her father’s graveyard, that has a big X carved through it.
[3] Tell us what difference this has made for your outline. If it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve. I was able to add a new setup/payoff chain. In addition, I was able to add a payoff to the first two SP chains.
* The protagonist’s father told her as a little girl, “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”
* The ping-pong ball is transformed into a Christmas ornament and hung on the tree. The protagonist explains to her love interest’s younger son, “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
[4] Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them. ** Later, she goes to her Christmas tree and stares at the bulb her dad made for her. It has a heart in glitter on it with her and his initials in it. He tells her, ““We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father. **she sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. ** Broolyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
END OF FILM:
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Day Twelve: Subplots That Have Meaning – Assignment
Pro-Series Mike O – Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… the function and importance of subplots in supporting the lead characters and in emphasizing the theme as well as giving the story more depth and intrigue. I think of sub-plots like spokes on a tire, they lead to the center the main characters and the theme.
[1] Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story & tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot. Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/ emotional way to improve your story.
Remember, the three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead characters.
2. Subplots either add emotion or meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff.Subplot # 1: Carolyn, Brooklyn’s agent and close friend, is also her surrogate mother and matchmaker. She adds meaning to the theme of love, of having a deep and meaningful relationship. Carolyn is a supporting character and her story is a subplot.
Beginning: Opening scene, talking about love over lunch. Carolyn tells her, “when you least expect it. Love finds a way.”
Middle: Carolyn arranges for Brooklyn to meet her rich patron who is enamored with her and her work.
End: Carolyn flies Brooklyn’s love interest to Chicago to be with Brooklyn knowing he is the one for her.
The payoff – Carolyn’s prediction that Brooklyn will find love in the first five minutes of the movie, comes true by the end of the film!
Subplot #2: Iverson’s attraction to Brooklyn’s work, his desire for her and his realization that in spite of his fame, wealth and influence, Brooklyn is going to follow her heart.
Beginning: Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
Middle: Iverson flies Brooklyn back to Chicago in his private jet to meet her in person and to proposition her professionally regarding murals he wants painted at his mansion.
End: Iverson talks with Carolyn about bank-rolling a Gallery in Denver for her.
[2] Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2 – I would like to make Iverson more persuasive so that his desire for Brooklyn forces her to choose between a “great provider” as her mother put it and “true love.” What she believes in. It is not there yet.
[3] Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
**FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. **She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. **Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
**She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
**INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
**EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, ** “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
**INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. **Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. ** Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
** Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
** INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
END OF FILM:
Like many of the other skills, this one is easier than it seems. In fact, the biggest problem most writers have is that they have too many subplots. Be selective about your subplots.
REMEMBER The three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead character(s).
2. Subplots either add emotion or add meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff. -
Day Twelve: Subplots That Have Meaning – Assignment
Pro-Series Mike O – Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… the function and importance of subplots in supporting the lead characters and in emphasizing the theme as well as giving the story more depth and intrigue. I think of sub-plots like spokes on a tire, they lead to the center the main characters and the theme.
[1] Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story & tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot. Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/ emotional way to improve your story.
Remember, the three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead characters.
2. Subplots either add emotion or meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff.Subplot # 1: Carolyn, Brooklyn’s agent and close friend, is also her surrogate mother and matchmaker. She adds meaning to the theme of love, of having a deep and meaningful relationship. Carolyn is a supporting character and her story is a subplot.
Beginning: Opening scene, talking about love over lunch. Carolyn tells her, “when you least expect it. Love finds a way.”
Middle: Carolyn arranges for Brooklyn to meet her rich patron who is enamored with her and her work.
End: Carolyn flies Brooklyn’s love interest to Chicago to be with Brooklyn knowing he is the one for her.
The payoff – Carolyn’s prediction that Brooklyn will find love in the first five minutes of the movie, comes true by the end of the film!
Subplot #2: Iverson’s attraction to Brooklyn’s work, his desire for her and his realization that in spite of his fame, wealth and influence, Brooklyn is going to follow her heart.
Beginning: Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
Middle: Iverson flies Brooklyn back to Chicago in his private jet to meet her in person and to proposition her professionally regarding murals he wants painted at his mansion.
End: Iverson talks with Carolyn about bank-rolling a Gallery in Denver for her.
[2] Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2 – I would like to make Iverson more persuasive so that his desire for Brooklyn forces her to choose between a “great provider” as her mother put it and “true love.” What she believes in. It is not there yet.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
**FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. **She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. **Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
**She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
**INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
**EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, ** “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
**INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. **Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. ** Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
** Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
** INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
END OF FILM:
Like many of the other skills, this one is easier than it seems. In fact, the biggest problem most writers have is that they have too many subplots. Be selective about your subplots.
REMEMBER The three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead character(s).
2. Subplots either add emotion or add meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff. -
Day 11: Action and Reaction – Assignment
Pro-Series Mike O – Pass #5 Action/ Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… the process helps you see all the facets, build and integrate the pieces before the script is written and you have to spend hours figuring out where a key piece belongs.
Expand your outline with Pass #5: Action/Reaction by following these steps:
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept:
– Protagonist Goal:
– Protagonist Character Arc:
– Main Conflict:2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story. and list it.
Protagonist and Antagonist . Brook goes to her dad’s art gallery Meets Richard, he tries to charm/seduce her Brook tours the Gallery, likes it Richard runs down the Gallery & its profit potential Brook tells Alan she’s keeping gallery Richard overhears her plans, vandalizes the bldg. Brook’s response, video cameras in bldg. Richard tells her that is something he tried to get her dad to do Brook wants to see the books, client list Richard tells her there isn’t one; taps his head “its’ all up here” Brook tries to learn what’s going on Richard uses a quick-claim deed to trick and try to get gallery Her gut tells her to photo the artworks Richard steals valuable pieces, replaces them then burns bldg. Brooklyn confronts Richard Richard learns she has photos of the art & of him taking them (The only way you can tell it’s Richard is his hand tattoo (something Brook commented on at dinner when she first came to town)***
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go through that will cause her to face the change she needs to make.
Two guidelines for these emotional moments: Show some aspect of the loss Brooklyn faces by not facing her fear or making the change. Start small and then escalate in size and intensity.
Brooklyn’s Character Arc:
What she wants: fly out settle her father’s estate and leave quickly as possible
What she needs: To learn who her father really was and face the abandonment issues she has w/ menOld trait: Non-committal/ non-confrontational; hides in her work
Changed to: stands up for herself/develops a relationship; finds love and acceptance along the way4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline. NOTE (**) denotes the additions to the outline
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
**FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. **She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. **Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
**She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
**INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
**EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, ** “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
INT. GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. **Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. ** Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
** Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
** INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – WEDDING
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Day Ten – Adding Necessary Questions 3 & 4 – Assignment
Mike O’s – NQ 3 and 4
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is the process stimulates creativity and pieces and possibilities come to mind that normally do not. I don’t have to be in the middle of writing the script to have these aspects come to me. If I plot them out in advance, then every “insight” can be put into the outline. Then when I am ready to write the script, it is where my script normally is after say five rewrites. I do believe this process will take my scripts and my ability to write to the next level and I won’t have to rewrite a script a dozen times to get all these aspects into it. This takes outlining to a whole new level!! I am a big believer in outlines, but I have never broken down the structural elements in this manner and worked them into the outline. Love this!
1. Tell us your concept. “A daughter struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to now deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the world, she must face the real world head on.”
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
The dilemma is an emotional decision that the lead character has to make between two unacceptable choices.
Choice A: Avoid falling in love with Mr. Right and further her painting career — at the cost of sleeping with a rich, older man whom she doesn’t know, but who can make her instantly famous.
Choice B: Follow her heart — lose the chance of a lifetime and the fame and fortune that goes with it.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? When Carolyn, the gallery owner, tells the protagonist, Brooklyn, about the rich man who wants her and her work. When Carolyn meets Mister Right and they have instant rapport and strong chemistry.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up? Brooklyn thinks about the money the rich man is paying for her paintings and what he wants her to paint at his mansion. She tells herself “it’s just a job, nothing more.” She tells Carolyn this several times. She flies back to Chicago, meets with the rich older man, is tempted, takes the work and puts off his advances for the time being.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice? When Mr. Right shows up at her studio in Chicago just before she goes through doing what the rich man wants and becoming his.
D. What do they lose in making that choice? Brooklyn loses the instant fame and wealth the rich man is able to provide her.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: Love is real and when you find it, you must choose it in order to have true happiness.
Side 2: Love is a state of mind; marrying for wealth and position is the smart choice.B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Side 1: Love is real – her meeting and then interacting with her love interest & his boys.
Playing Monopoly, cutting down a Christmas tree and decorating it, making dinners together, etc.
Side 2: Love is a state of mind – Iverson, a very rich man, offers a lot of $ for her painting w/ conditions,
He flies her back to Chicago, has private limo pick her up, has a surprise b-day party for her, offers her a very lucrative painting assignment: frescos at his new mansion.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Brooklyn confronts Richard, the antagonist, in her father’s art gallery. She tells him to leave, she has proof he’s stolen paintings, hidden camera. He is to return them and leave. Tells him “My father would be ashamed at what you’ve done. I’m glad he’s not here to see your true colors.”
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin, the gallery, etc. and directions how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; Richard is not there. She opens it up.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended.
INT. GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; a rich patron wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Dino and Leah kissed on the bike at his step dad’s house) Thinks back to Tarek’s kiss then thinks on Iverson’s and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn confronts Richard . She has proof he stole the paintings. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Richard is beaten, he leaves. (THE CLIMAX)
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks .Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE OF THE WEDDING
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Day Nine – Adding The First Two Necessary Questions – Assignment
Mike O – 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that layering the questions, the various aspects that you might not consider, or overlook become visible. I have thought about aspects of this script that I normally do not consciously review. I rely too much on intuition and have learned (thank you, Hal) that processes actually improve the organic process and creativity.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
[1] Tell us your concept. “A daughter struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to now deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the world, she must face the real world head on.”
=====================
[2] Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions: “Will Brooklyn be ready, emotionally and psychologically for true love when she is comes face to face with it.”
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? In the first 10 pages when she has lunch with her friend who teases her about love and dating and finding Mister Right…
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? With the arrival of her father’s friend who is a widower and her age.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? When Brooklyn accepts his proposal for marriage.
===================
[3] Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions: “Brooklyn must learn to accept loss as a part of life and understand change is unstoppable.”
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up? First ten pages when Brooklyn receives certified letter re: her father’s passing and her being named the executor of his estate.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
1. her mother’s illness and subsequent death. 2. Her mother’s cat running off after she dies. 3. Her father’s unexpected passing. 4. Going to her father’s hometown and learning he loved her & kept tabs on her.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? Discovering her father’s GM is trying to steal the gallery out from under her. It is her legacy, her father’s gift to her. She fights back.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? Brooklyn confronts Richard (antagonist) with proof of his thievery. He is fired, turned over to the authorities.
[4] In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
1. INT. CAFE — LUNCH
Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
2. EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON
Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
3. INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING
Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
4. INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY
Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
5. EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON
Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
6. EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
7. INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
8. INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
9. INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING
Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed.
10. INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING
Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin, the gallery, etc.
11. INT. JEEP – LATER
Brooklyn follows Alan’s shortcut map to the cabin. Is blown away by its beauty.
12. EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn discovers her father had great taste, was a painter and has photos of her from childhood on. She is blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled with letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to Brooklyn and which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them.
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Day Eight – The “story Logic Web” – Assignment
Mike O – Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is…. The parts are interconnected and examining them and comparing and contrasting the various elements allows you to radically alter, examine and change a script before you have invested time and energy into the writing of it.
STEP 2. BEFORE:
Concept = A daughter, struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the real world, she must face the real world head on.
Lead Characters =
Protagonist: Brooklyn: the artist who has to take care of her father’s estate.
Antagonist: Richard – the crooked Art Gallery GM, who steals paintingsPlot/Structure = #12 Transformation
SUMMARY: Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, learns her estranged father has passed. Having lost her mother earlier in the year, she realizes she is an orphan. As executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn must set aside her compulsion to paint and give up her routine. Forced from her shell, she travels from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. This transforming incident forces Brooklyn to see people living life in a far more relaxed and open manner. While going through her father’s belongings, she discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce: learns that her mother’s deception kept her and her father apart. Seeing her parents in a new light, forces Brooklyn to accept the posthumous love of a man she dearly loved as a little girl. At a crossroad, Brooklyn reevaluates her life and the priorities she’s been hiding behind. Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch step. In for the holidays, a handsome stranger with two, young, boys comes bearing Christmas gifts, unaware Brooklyn’s father, has died.
List all 9 beats of your structure.
1. Opening – Protagonist is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
2. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist must leave her “life” travel across country, and take care of her father’s estate.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Protagonist discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved her and kept tabs on her over the years.
5. Mid-Point – Protagonist is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery. Protagonist because it’s her legacy, her connection to her father; antagonist because he has worked hard for ten years and expects the place to be his.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – protagonist realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent the general manager from stealing her father’s art gallery.
7. Crisis – Protagonist, in addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery, has to deal with her love interest who has a medical emergency and is rushed to the ER.
8. Climax – The protagonist and antagonist come face to face literally at the art gallery. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. The protagonist has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings.
9. Resolution – The protagonist accepts what happened, embraces her father’s posthumous love and decides to live there, where it feels real with her newfound love.
Character Arc = Brooklyn’s growth a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to live her own life.
b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of change, of facing people and life head on.
c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, falls in love and gets married.Main Conflict = Brooklyn has to accept loss as a part of life and accept change is unstoppable.
Dramatic Question = Will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it.
Dilemma = Brooklyn returns to her old life, or she embraces what she has found in Wintergreen and take a chance.
Theme = Love and loss are two sides of the same coin and both are unavoidable.
STEP 3. DISCOVERIES & IMPROVEMENTS: While Step 2 was about working with a single component at a time, Step 3 is about seeing how different components work together and/or testing components against each other. Start with the most extreme component and pit it against the others one at a time to see where it causes you to have an insight into your story.
If the Dramatic Question is, will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it. Then throughout the story, Brooklyn will be doing everything in her power (subconsciously) to avoid or sabotage love as she is unable to accept loss as a part of life and that change is unstoppable. (Main Conflict). This would include the lucrative offer from a rich patron back in Chicago. It would make the Dilemma: return to her old life and take up with old rich guy, or start a new life and take a chance in a new place with a stranger.
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Day Eight – The “story Logic Web” – Assignment
Mike O – Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is…. The parts are interconnected and examining them and comparing and contrasting the various elements allows you to radically alter, examine and change a script before you have invested time and energy into the writing of it.
STEP 2. BEFORE:
Concept = A daughter, struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the real world, she must face the real world head on.
Lead Characters =
Protagonist: Brooklyn: the artist who has to take care of her father’s estate.
Antagonist: Richard – the crooked Art Gallery GM, who steals paintingsPlot/Structure = #12 Transformation
SUMMARY: Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, learns her estranged father has passed. Having lost her mother earlier in the year, she realizes she is an orphan. As executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn must set aside her compulsion to paint and give up her routine. Forced from her shell, she travels from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. This transforming incident forces Brooklyn to see people living life in a far more relaxed and open manner. While going through her father’s belongings, she discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce: learns that her mother’s deception kept her and her father apart. Seeing her parents in a new light, forces Brooklyn to accept the posthumous love of a man she dearly loved as a little girl. At a crossroad, Brooklyn reevaluates her life and the priorities she’s been hiding behind. Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch step. In for the holidays, a handsome stranger with two, young, boys comes bearing Christmas gifts, unaware Brooklyn’s father, has died.
List all 9 beats of your structure.
1. Opening – Protagonist is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
2. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist must leave her “life” travel across country, and take care of her father’s estate.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Protagonist discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved her and kept tabs on her over the years.
5. Mid-Point – Protagonist is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery. Protagonist because it’s her legacy, her connection to her father; antagonist because he has worked hard for ten years and expects the place to be his.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – protagonist realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent the general manager from stealing her father’s art gallery.
7. Crisis – Protagonist, in addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery, has to deal with her love interest who has a medical emergency and is rushed to the ER.
8. Climax – The protagonist and antagonist come face to face literally at the art gallery. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. The protagonist has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings.
9. Resolution – The protagonist accepts what happened, embraces her father’s posthumous love and decides to live there, where it feels real with her newfound love.
Character Arc = Brooklyn’s growth a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to live her own life.
b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of change, of facing people and life head on.
c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, falls in love and gets married.Main Conflict = Brooklyn has to accept loss as a part of life and accept change is unstoppable.
Dramatic Question = Will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it.
Dilemma = Will Brooklyn return to her old life, or will she embrace what she has found in Wintergreen.
Theme = Love and loss are two sides of the same coin and both are unavoidable.
STEP 3. DISCOVERIES & IMPROVEMENTS: While Step 2 was about working with a single component at a time, Step 3 is about seeing how different components work together and/or testing components against each other. Start with the most extreme component and pit it against the others one at a time to see where it causes you to have an insight into your story.
If the Dramatic Question is will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it. Then throughout the story, Brooklyn will be doing everything in her power (subconsciously) to avoid or sabotage love as she is unable to accept loss as a part of life and that change is unstoppable. (Main Conflict). This would include the lucrative offer from a rich patron back in Chicago. It would make the Dilemma: return to her old life or start a new life more powerful.
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Day 7: Applying Plot & Character Arc To Your Outline – Assignment
Mike O – 1st Pass
What I learned is ……the process, its builds upon itself in a logical drill-down manner that I love as I tend to drill down too fast and then scramble to get back to the big picture. It really is a bad habit I am trying to break.
[1] Give us your concept/logline. Holiday Christmas Movie: girl meets boy; they overcome hardship and find their happily ever after.
[2]What is your plot choice and a quick summary of that plot? (From Day 2 & 3) Transformation Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, learns her estranged father has passed. Having lost her mother earlier in the year, she realizes she is an orphan. As executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn must set aside her compulsion to paint, give up her routine, and travel from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. This transforming incident forces Brooklyn to see people living life in a far more relaxed and open manner. While going through her father’s belongings, she discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce: learns that her mother’s deception kept her and her father apart. Seeing her parents in a new light, forces Brooklyn to accept the posthumous love of a man she dearly loved as a little girl. At a crossroad, Brooklyn reevaluates her life and the priorities she’s been hiding behind. Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch step. In for the holidays, a handsome stranger with two, young, boys comes bearing Christmas gifts, unaware his friend, Brooklyn’s father, has died.
[3] List all 9 beats of your structure. (From Day 5)
3a. Opening – Protagonist is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
3b. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3c. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist has to leave her “life” travel across country and take care of her father’s estate.
3d. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Protagonist discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved her and
3e. Mid-Point – Protagonist is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
3f. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – protagonist realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent the general manager from stealing her father’s art gallery.
3g. Crisis – Protagonist in addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery has to deal with her love interest who has a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital.
3h. Climax – The protagonist and antagonist come face to face literally at the art gallery. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. The protagonist has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings.
3i. Resolution – The protagonist accepts what happened, embraces her father’s posthumous love and decides to live there, where it feels real with her newfound love.
[4] Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure.
4a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to live her own life.
4b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of change, of facing people and life head on.
4c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, falls in love and gets married.5. Looking at your plot choice, fill in whatever plot events you think of. Just answer the question “What Make an outline that follows this format:
I always use a BEAT SHEET as my outline. I will transform this into the Slug Line and Essence format.
ACT ONE
[01] Brooklyn Murray is at lunch w/ gallery owner, Caroline, a friend & mentor
[02] Brooklyn drops off her painting at Caroline’s gallery, snow storm moves in.
[03] SERIES OF SHOTS: driving conditions; Brooklyn makes it to her home.
[04] Brooklyn arrives home; goes to the mailbox, retrieves mail, goes inside.
[05] Brooklyn gets comfy, reads mail on sofa w/ wine and cheese, misses her mom.
[06] FLASHBACK – her and her mom chatting, mom giving advise.
INCITING INCIDENT – Envelope from law firm, her real father’s dead!
[07] Brooklyn is in Caroline’s SUV headed to the airport. She’s her dad’s executor.
[08] Brooklyn rents a Jeep, leaves Denver’s Stapleton for the town of Wintergreen
[09] TIME CUT: Brooklyn driving rental Jeep, finds the town
[10] Brooklyn stops at Cold Creek Café, has lunch on the deck, it’s nice out.
[11] She meets Alan Bennett, her dad’s lawyer, in his office alone, answers Brook’s call.
[12] She meets Ruby Reynolds, café owner; then Alan shows up. They meet.
[13] Brooklyn at her dad’s gallery meets Richard Feldman . the antagonist!
[14] Brooklyn meets Richard at restaurant; first, she is shamed by an old cowboy.
[15] Brooklyn meets Alan at his office to go over legal matters, she’s non-committal.
[16] SMASH CUT from Alan’s drawing to Brooklyn driving to her dad’s place.
[17] Father’s home, the cabin, she feels true regret.
[18] Carolyn’s call, Brooklyn tells her she can handle it, Carolyn’s sold her work $200K
[19] Brooklyn on the deck painting the valley as a storm moves in. Puts it next to dad’s.
[20] Staircase leading to dad’s bedroom, Brooklyn enters; puts on one of his sweaters.
[21] FLASHBACK – Christmas eve, 7 yr old. She discovers a shoebox of old envelopes.
[22] FRONT PORCH – enter love interest: Tarek & his two boys: Tyler & Brandon…
END OF ACT ONE – learns about her dad, love interest enters – BIG EVENT
===============================================================
ACT TWO
[01] Living room bonding – storm forces them to spend most the day together.
[02] SERIES OF SHOTS – while playing Monopoly…
[03] Dining room – Lunch: talk of their dead mothers, Brooks & Tyty’s…
[04] After Lunch – Snowball fight in the front yard…She sees Tarek’s twinge of pain*
[05] Pickup truck & long goodbyes… Tarek inadvertently spoils the moment pg. 37
[06] Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box, power goes out, uses her phone light app.
[07] She reads the letters, comes across an old photo before the divorce she’s taken back.
[08] FLASHBACK – fourth grader, then few yrs later as a tweener w/the $ change in life.
[09] Tarek ‘s cabin, he is worried about Brooklyn, can’t call her, he didn’t get her #
[10] Living room – same. Brooklyn answers cell, it’s Richard, alarm at the gallery. pg. 43
[11] Gallery, next day, Brooklyn is there; no sign of Richard. Discovers Tarek is a client!
[12] Lunch at Cold Creek Cafe and hello again — first tiff! Over being an artist!!
[13] Carolyn calls Brook, tells her she has to come to Chicago & meet Iverson or no deal.
[14] Delivery boy brings basket: box of chocolates, hot cocoa, cookies, card from Tarek.
[15] Brooklyn alone in her father’s cabin, leaves Tarek a voice mail. His phone is kaput.
[16] Terek’s cabin, he tucks Tyty in; tyty apologizes for ruining his phone.*
[17] Lyle’s cabin, Brooklyn falls asleep on the couch thinking: “I’ve lost my shadow…”
[18] SERIES OF SHOTS show her going to Chicago & being met by Iverson’s driver.
[19] In the limo, she meets Iverson, they drive to Everest, a French restaurant.
[20] MONTAGE: Brooklyn and Guests Celebrating her belated birthday…
[21] Next morning, Brooklyn and Carolyn have a talk about business, her gallery, etc.
[22] Tarek’s making breakfast, pain in his side growing worse. UPS delivers new phone
[23] Brooklyn in Wintergreen goes into the bank and buys Tarek’s photograph.
[24] SERIES OF SHOTS Brooklyn buys up Tarek’s work, takes them to the gallery.
[25] Tarek w/ boys building a fire at their cabin. Texts from Brooklyn…
[26] Brooklyn sends photos of Tarek’s work to Carolyn, she says “sign him.”
PINCH -Alan calls Brooklyn, asks her to meet him. Re: Richard’s stunt.
[28] Graveyard – Brooklyn talking w/ her dad; apologizing for her actions.
[29] Brooklyn at her dad’s place, realizing the signature’s a fake….
[30] Intercut: Brooklyn and Tarek talking re: forgery -Intercut Phone conversation
[31] Brooklyn wakes up to doorbell ringing. Tarek and kids take her out on a tree hunt.
[32] Pickup ride up to the meadow; Brook sees elk, sees a lightning strike pine,
[33] SERIES OF SHOTS – snow shoing into meadow…
[34] Finding her the perfect Xmas tree; Tarek gives her a Christmas tree charm
[35] They drive back, set up her tree, Tarek invites her over to his place for dinner.
[36] Tarek’s Home cooked Meal — Brooklyn shows up w/ bottle of wine.
[37] Brook & Tarek; she tells him she has to go to Chicago, wants him to come- says no
[38] Next evening, at Brook’s decorating tree, playing monopoly, upset she’s going
[39] Brook visits Iverson’s office, goes over what he wants on his murals
[40] Brook at studio working feverishly, Carolyn stops by, Brook tells her she’s in love
[41] Tarek calls Brooklyn’s phone, Carolyn answers.
[42] Carolyn buys Tarek plane tickets, tricks him, sends him a text.
[43] Tarek’s surprise visit to Brook working at her studio, they kiss!!
[44] They go to Carolyn’s to pick up the boys
[45] They’re at Brook’s place, unpacking, she has to get back to work, leaves them.
[46] Tarek collapses; boys call Brooklyn’s number
[47] Brooklyn’s studio, she answers phone – Brandon’s in a panic, she tells him call 911
[48] Brook races home, arrives, they’re loading Tarek into ambulance; she takes the boys
END OF ACT TWO – Tarek’s Ruptured Appendix – CRISIS – LOW POINT
——————————————————————————————————–
ACT THREE
[01] Waiting Room – boys and Brooklyn waiting, playing tic-tac-toe, etc.
[02] Hospital Room later – boys & Brooklyn there when Tarek wakes up. They talk.
[03] Babbling Brook Gallery – Richard takes most valuable pieces of art switches them
[04] Brooklyn’s studio – Carolyn & Iverson meet, look over the progress talk shop.
[05] Tarek’s cabin – They’re back home, Brooklyn leaves for gallery to face Richard
CLIMAX Brooklyn’s meeting w/ Richard; she schools him. Carolyn helps. (pg. 105)
[07] FLASHBACK – Brooklyn photographing the walls and art work in her gallery
[08] Tarek’s Proposal to Brooklyn; she accepts!
[09] Grave sight – Brooklyn visits her dad, she’s at peace, thanks him for his love
[10] Christmas Morning – Brooklyn’s cabin – opening presents….
1. Slug line:
1. Essence:
2. Slug line:
2. Essence:
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DAY SIX – LETS SEE HOW HOLLYWOOD DOES IT – ASSIGNMENT
What I learned doing this assignment is Slug-lines are a great way to begin an outline. I used to just dive right in and do a traditional outline. This makes me more cognizant of the scenes from the very start. I love this process and have already started it with my Christmas Script, “Christmas Trimmings”
Answer the following questions:
Dramatic Question: Will Ellen recognize true love when she is comes face to face with it
Main Conflict: Ellen has to shed her old ways, see her fiancé for what he is and move forward.
Dilemma: Will Ellen let her old life win out, or will she embrace what she has found in snowfalls.
Theme: Friendship and love are the most important aspects in a person’s life.
Watch your favorite movie from the genre of the script you are writing in the Pro-Series. Christmas Movie: “Christmas Inheritance”
Make an outline that follows this format:
1. Slug line: EXT. CITY SCAPE – NIGHT
1. Essence: Establishing shot, credit roll, lot of Christmas decorations and lighting on trees.
2. Slug line: INT. BUILDING – NIGHT
2. Essence: Fancy party taking place. A company-sponsored Christmas gala.
3. Slug line: Protagonist is taking shots, does gymnast stunts and crashes into the Xmas tree.
3. Essence: Protagonist is a spoiled, out-of-control socialite.
4. Slug line: INSERT – NEWSPAPER HEADLINE
4. Essence: Shows protagonist (Ellen) as a drunk, party girl lying in the Xmas tree.
5. Slug line: Traveling Shot – Man with that newspaper walking down an office hallway
5. Essence: It is Ellen’s father, company’s CEO. He is none too pleased.
6. Slug line: INT. CONFERENE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
6. Essence: Father and daughter talk. He tells her she can do better, that she cannot behave like that.
7. Slug line: INT. FATHER (CEO) OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
7. Essence: talks w/ trusted employee re: daughter’s behavior. He also has to write the ‘Xmas letter’
8. Slug line: INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
8. Essence: Ellen & dad talk re: how she can make it right. He tells her she has to learn about the people who buy their gifts. He sends her on a business trip, to deliver the Xmas letters to an uncle.
9. Slug line: INT. PENTHOUSE – LATER
9. Essence: Ellen tells her fiancé about her business trip. He only wants to go to Maui. She tells him she has to go there, deliver the letter and do it all on one hundred dollars. No one can know who she is.
10. Slug line: INT. BUS TERMINAL – LATER
10. Essence: Ellen has to take the bus to the small town where the uncle & business partner lives.
11. Slug line: INT. BUS – NIGHT
11. Essence: Ellen learns what a bus ride entails and doesn’t entail.
12. Slug line: EXT. BUS DEPOT – DAY
12. Essence: Ellen has suitcase get run over by a car, argues with driver. Clearly an attraction.
13. Slug line: TRAVELING SHOT – CAB ride across the tiny mountain town.
13. Essence: She tries small talk w/ cabbie, they are from different worlds.
14. Slug line: INT. HOTEL – CONTINUOUS
14. Essence: She checks in, wants to meet w/ Uncle. He is gone. Ellen is upset.
15. Slug line: INT. CORP. OFFICE – DAY
15. Essence: Ellen calls her dad; he laughs off her predicament. She has to wait for Uncle.
16. Slug line: INT. HOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
16. Essence: Ellen learns there is no room service, walks over w/ manager (Jake) to café.
17. Slug line: TRAVELING SHOT – NIGHT
17. Essence: Ellen and Jake walk and talk to café. Jake gives $ to homeless guy.
18. Slug line: INT. CAFÉ – CONTINUOUS
18. Essence: Ellen and Jake talk; learn about each other. She’s lying as she can’t reveal herself.
19. Slug line: INT. HOTEL – DAY
19. Essence: Ellen is out of $, takes a job as a maid to pay for the room until her Uncle shows up.
20. Slug line: INT. HOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
20. Essence: Ellen ruins the room: disaster everywhere. She lies and says she is a baker.
21. Slug line: INT. CAFÉ KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
21. Essence: Ellen doesn’t know a thing; the café owner teaches her how to bake.
22. Slug line: EXT/INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
22. Essence: blizzard hits, homes lose power. Jake takes people in so they don’t freeze.
23. Slug line: EXT. HOTEL – CONTINUOUS
23. Essence: Ellen goes and brings a homeless man into the inn to warm up. She’s learning compassion.
24. Slug line: INT. ELLEN’S HOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
24. Essence: Ellen gives up her room for stranded mother and two young kids.
25. Slug line: INT. HOTEL SUPPLY ROOM – LATER
25. Essence: Ellen finds Jake down there drawing, they bond. Talk about getting stuff for silent auction.
26. Slug line: EXT. HOTEL – LATER
26. Essence: Jake shows Ellen his ice sculptures, they almost kiss, then freak out as she has a finance.
27. Slug line: EXT. TOWN – DAY
27. Essence: Ellen goes to the local businesses and gets them to donate goods for the silent auction.
28. Slug line: EXT. HOTEL – LATER
28. Essence: Ellen shows up with tons of goods for the silent auction.
29. Slug line: EXT. HOTEL – CONTINUOUS
29. Essence: Ellen’s fiancé shows up, is a condescending ass
30. Slug line: INT. HOTEL ROOM – LATER
30. Essence: Ellen reads the old letters in the Letter’s box from her dad to Uncle Zeke.
31. Slug line: INT. LOCAL BAR – LATER
31. Essence: Jake runs into the fiancé, he tells Jake who Ellen really is; he didn’t know.
32. Slug line: INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY
32. Essence: Jake tells Ellen he knows who she is; he’s pissed. She lied. He rips her a new one. She leaves
33. Slug line: INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
34. Essence: In car w/ ass-hat boyfriend, they argue.
34. Slug line: EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS
34. Essence: They stop for gas; she tells her fiancé, goodbye. Gives back his engagement ring.
35. Slug line: INT. TOWN HALL – LATER
36. Essence: Ellen returns to snow falls, goes to the silent auction. Finds her uncle and dad there. She makes up with Jake and her dad announces she is the company’s new CEO
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Mike O – Story Structure
DAY FIVE – ASSIGNMENT– STORY STRUCTURE
1. What I learned is that the story structure is the skeleton upon which you hang the story. Without it, you won’t have a story that functions properly.
2. Present your story, showing each part of the 9-beat structure. Give us each of these:
1. Opening – Protagonist is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
This is the opening scene. Usually, it last 1 to 4 pages and should be as interesting as possible. You want to start with action, intriguing visuals, and something that gives the flavor of the movie.
———————————————————–2. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives news her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
The Inciting Incident is the event that sets the movie in motion. It makes a big enough change in your protagonist’s life that she must go on the journey to resolve it ———————————————————–
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist has to leave her “life” travel across country and take care of her father’s estate.
We need to be out of confusion and have a general understanding of the story.
———————————————————–
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Protagonist discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved her and kept tabs on her – This ends Act 1 pg. 30
This is a major twist in the story. The protagonist has gone on the journey. Now, everything has changed in some major way and the major conflict has been set into motion. The protagonist has had a change in his or her life.
———————————————————–
5. Mid-Point – Protagonist is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is.
At the middle of the movie, usually there is some kind of major change. It can be identified by these characteristics: [1] The protagonist is still pursuing the same goal, but something is really different about it. [2] A twist has occurred that opens the eyes of the protagonist. They’re going after the same goal
in a new way.———————————————————–
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – protagonist is using a lawyer to prevent the general manager from stealing her father’s art gallery.
So it looks like all hope is lost because of this turning point. At this point, the protagonist has to change to achieve his or her goal. They have to accept something about themselves or they have to accept that their way of doing things just won’t work anymore. They completely reverse a way of getting what they need most in life.
———————————————————–
7. Crisis – Protagonist in addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery has to deal with her love interest who has a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital.
Throughout this story, the Protagonist has been engaged in a conflict and their emotional dilemma has become more and more of an issue. They’ve tried everything, but nothing has solved the problem. Now, they face the dilemma head on. They are being forced to make a huge choice — usually between their goal and their need.
———————————————————–
8. Climax – The protagonist and antagonist come face to face literally at the art gallery. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. The protagonist has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured him.
The protagonist and antagonist come face to face for the showdown. After this conflict, there is only one winner.
———————————————————–
9. Resolution – The protagonist accepts what happened, embraces her father’s posthumous love and decides to live there, where it feels real with her newfound love.
The resolution gives us an answer to the question that the Inciting Incident asked. It tells us
how this conflict will finally be resolved.============================================================================
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Day 4: The Necessary Questions – Assignment
Mike O – Necessary Questions
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… The questions are the building blocks upon which the story hinges. If the foundation is lacking, the story will be as well.
1. List your answer for each of these areas for your story.
a.
Concept: Daughter finds her father’s love after he has passed.
b. Dramatic Question: How Brooklyn react to her estranged father’s posthumous
love?
c. Main conflict: Brooklyn loves her father’s gallery and must keep the general
manager from stealing it.
d. Dilemma: Brooklyn can reject her father’s life and love, or accept it and
fight to keep what was his.
e. Theme: A father’s love does not end with his death. Memories keep love
living when the person isn’t. -
Assignment – Day Two Dramatic Plots – Part 2
Proseries – Mike O – Dramatic Plots 2
1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story.
For Christmas Trimmings, my script, possible plots are: #12 Transformation & #17 Discovery
2. Tell us your original concept.
Family-friendly feature-length Christmas romance script. Indecisive, naïve, a dreamer and closet romantic, recovering from the death of her mother, Brooklyn’s world is turned upside as tragedy arrives in the form of a certified letter. Her life is now on a collision course with the harsh realities of tragedy. Choices and decisions force her to change her view of the world, of people and give purpose to her actions.
3. Tell the name of the plot selection and write a logline for each one.
#12 Transformation Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, learns her estranged father has passed. Having lost her mother earlier in the year, she realizes she is an orphan. As executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn must set aside her compulsion to paint, give up her routine, and travel from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. This transforming incident forces Brooklyn to see people living life in a far more relaxed and open manner. While going through her father’s belongings, she discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce: learns how her mother’s deception kept her and her father apart. Seeing her parents in a new light forces Brooklyn to accept the posthumous love of a man she dearly loved as a little girl. At a crossroad, Brooklyn reevaluates her life and the priorities she’s been hiding behind. Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch step. In for the holidays, a handsome stranger with two, young, sons comes bearing Christmas gifts, unaware his friend, Brooklyn’s father, has died.
#17 Discovery – Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, has her life and well-established routine turned upside down. She learns her estranged father has passed and as the executor of his estate, she must travel from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. The crisis forces Brooklyn to interact with people who view life and live it far differently that she did. The revelation is followed up with a painful discovery that forces Brooklyn to take stock of who her parents were. The discovery forces her to reconcile her feelings for a man whom she thought abandoned her. Brooklyn sets aside her regret as she discovers her father was well-loved, that his art gallery and love of art is the bridge from what they had when she was a little girl loving her daddy to what she feels for him as assumes his legacy.
4. Then, looking at the four plots (two from yesterday and two from today) tell us which plot you would like to use throughout the Outlining module.
#12 Transformation
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What I learned doing this is again keep an open mind, experiment and trust in the process. This exercise on possible plots has me really thinking about how every script can be written in a number of different ways given the plot you choose to utilize.
1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story.
For Christmas Trimmings, my script, possible plots are: #1 Quest and #2 Adventure.
2. Tell the name of the plot selection and write a one paragraph synopsis for each one.
Quest = As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn is forced to go to leave her home, travel to a small mountain town where she discovers the truth about her father whom her mother always said was a neerdowell. Learning her father was the opposite, that he loved Brooklyn dearly and kept tabs on her, forces Brooklyn to reassess her life. At a crossroads as disillusionment and her mother’s deception change her thoughts on life and what it means to love, she finds love and sees life in a profoundly new way.
Adventure = Gifted artist from Chicago inherits property and a home from an estranged father. Brookly travels across country, to a small mountain town in Colorado where the people living there approach life in a far more relaxed and slow-paced fashion. A shoebox filled with old letters addressed to her and stamped “return to sender” forces Brooklyn to acknowledge the mother’s deception, accept the posthumous love of a father she adored as a little girl and find love for herself.
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Outlining & Plotting – Day 1
ASSIGNMENT
What I learned doing this assignment is the process keeps the elements clear and separate. I love outlines and use them. This system: concept, character structure, and one sentence on lead characters keeps the 40,000 feet perspective which I tend to lose all too often.
Tell us the character structure you’ve selected and one sentence on each of your lead characters.
1. List your concept. Holiday Christmas Movie: girl meets boy and they overcome hardship and find their happily ever after.
2. Tell us the Character Structure you choose for your story. Romantic Triangle (#3) Two men conflict over the love of a woman and a choice must be made.
3. Give us one sentence on each of your lead characters. For a romance movie with a #3 character structure:
[1] Protagonist: Brooklyn is an artist who must deal with her estranged father’s estate. She finds love there. [2] Love Interest: Tarek, single father who learns his friend, Brooklyn’s dad, is dead. They fall in love [3] Love Interest: Iverson, rich older man who loves Brooklyn’s paintings and buys them and wants her. [4] Antagonist: Richard, Assistant to Brooklyn’s father. He wants the business and tries to steal it.
In one or two paragraphs, tell us how you see the character structure playing out in your story.
6. Add the subject line to the top and post your assignment on the ProSeries 50 forums at http://Screenwriting…orums/index.php
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I Michael O’Keefe, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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I, Michael O’Keefe, agree!
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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I learned what I have always utilized in my career: processes. Writing is a process and Hal has created a series of processes for virtually every aspect of writing. For me, it is invaluable as I have never experienced a shortage of ideas or gone through writers block.
Again, as with everything in life, it eventually comes down to money, and being paid to create and hone your passion is the end goal for yours truly. Peer recognition and industry validation would be nice.
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Name is Michael, a big ‘hello’ I hope everyone is as amped about the course as I am.
I have written 15 scripts: 12 spec scripts, 3 television pilots.
I look to improve my script writing skills. I have taken two other classes with Hal and they have proven invaluable.
Something unusual about myself: I have spent twenty years working simultaneously in two different industries, business and academia. I’ve been a CFO and an English professor, a Marketing Director and a Human Resources Manager, taught online and owned a securities firm.
I look forward to working and learning from everyone of you.
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<div>I can send this work as a pdf to whoever wishes to review it and vice-versa</div><div>
</div>
DAY FOURTEEN – ASSIGNMENT
Subject Line: O’Keefe’s – Thriller Plot!
“What I learned is that putting the pieces together in this manner allows you to tweak, add, adjust and increase the complexity and continuity of the thriller. Very helpful process
ACT ONE
Scene 1: INT. CAMARO – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino in Cindy’s car having sex.
2. Life Threatening situation: they could be caught by cops 3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair a student?
4. Clue: She sets her wedding ring on dashboard.
5. Twist 1: Direction: Two people having sex in a car 5a.Twist: she takes off ring – #11 Just got more dangerousINT. CAMARO – NIGHT
CINDY(24)blond, bilingual, Rosemont High’s hottest teacher, runs her TONGUE up the side of DINO’S neck.
In the passenger seat, DINO SHIVERS — fingers working the buttons to her blouse.
CINDY I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
Calloused, Dino’s hands — hot against her flesh.
DINO In class, I kept remembering Christmas break, how we christened your desk with Santa’s chocolate.
CINDY (nibbles ear lobe) You’re such a bad boy.
Heart POUNDING, she helps him remove her bra.
DINO You’re so damn pretty.
With his tongue, Dino WRITES his initials on the swell of a breast. Tip of his tongue FLICKS her nipple ring.
CINDY (unzips him) Sugah, I can’t believe I’ve never made love in the front seat.
DINO (lies) That makes two of us.
Pain and memory cease as sensations intensify; Dino refuses to let the past get a foot hold. He smiles his crooked smile.
Cindy sets her wedding RING on the dashboard, eases into his lap — reaches down — guides him inside her.
Her momentary look of pain becomes something else. GRINDING. THRUSTING. Both, using the other to kill their pain.
In the distance, a police SIREN gives Cindy pause. =============================================================
SCENE 2: EXT. CINDY’S HOME – NIGHT (24 HOURS EARLIER)
1. Action: Cindy is being spied on by 2 different men.
2. Life Threatening situation: one man has a knife.
3. Mystery: why did man w/ knife plant a candy wrapper. 4. Mystery: Why does the second man have hidden cameras in Cindy’s bedroom.5. Villain’s plan: he’s the man w/ a knife leaving clues. 5a. He leaves tennis shoe imprints in the dirt.
6. Character Misdirect: man with video camera. He’s my red herringEXT. CINDY’S HOME – NIGHT (24 HOURS EARLIER)
Masked man seated on a rock, struggles to get on a running shoe. With a GRUNT, it goes on. The second shoe is easier.
He slips on gloves, moves stealthily through the trees toward a two-story Tudor home.
He drops in behind a large maple on the edge of the property. Unaware a slender man in dark clothing is standing motionless fifty feet to his left. Tip of his cigar BRIGHTENS as he INHALES, revealing a MUSTACHE.
Sloping downward, the lawn leads the eye to an outdoor kitchen and lap pool, separated by a stone walkway.
With BINOCULARS, the masked intruder ZOOMS in on a second- story window. Magnification brings into stunning clarity Cindy in the center of the room.
Stretching out, touching her toes, then reaching up toward the ceiling, Cindy repeats the motion: Slow. Controlled. In an oversized night shirt, she looks all of eighteen.
Our masked man pulls out a large, hunting knife. Without taking his eyes off the woman now performing bear squats, he STABS the base of the tree repeatedly. Thunk-thunk-thunk…
SLOW MOTION. ECU. Cindy’s hips tilt up — she stretches backwards — hands over her head — executes a back bend.
Touching the floor, her hands next to her feet, the tee shirt pulls up to her naval.
The high resolution reveals Cindy isn’t wearing panties.
Moments later, We HEAR a series of groans and guttural whimpers as if our peeping Tom is having sex.
Unaware he stabbed the tree a dozen times, the intruder puts away the knife, pulls out an empty protein bar wrapper from his pants pocket, drops it at the base of the tree.
To his left, the nub of a cigar butt strikes the ground and scatters bits or burning tobacco. In the slender man’s hand, we SEE a small video monitor.
On VIDEO: CINDY completes the gymnastic move, stands and shakes out her arms and shoulders. Moment later, we see her derriere as the focal point switches to a second spy camera.
Moment later, screen goes dark. Slender man stows the device.
Gotcha. MASKED INTRUDER
SLENDER MAN
Pushes down with all his weight leaving a shoe sole imprint in the soil at the foot of the tree.
HOLD ON the tread pattern and as the lines and ellipses fade. =============================================================
SCENE 3: INT. CAMARO – RESUME
1. Action: Dino & Cindy talk after sex; he’s her side piece.
2. Life Threatening situation: Cindy’s hubby shoots Dino.
3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair with her student?
4. Clue: She puts on Wedding Ring after they finish signalling she is not going to give up her marriage for Dino.
INT. CAMARO – RESUME
AFTERWARDS — dripping sweat, Dino’s breathing is slow to recover. Cindy KISSES the crisscross pattern on Dino’s back made by the leather seat.
Dino takes her hand, stares at the rock on her finger.
DINO I get it. My step-dad is a douche. Thinks he’s the shit because he has a badge. Does Dean have a gun?
CINDY Not to worry, he’s never even fired a pistol. We have a good thing, sugah.
Dino stares at the windshield, white whit hoar frost. He starts to speak. Stops as Cindy slips her ring.
Cindy nudges him with her chest. Playful.
CINDY Don’t be that way. I’m married.
DINO In seven days, I’ll be legal.
CINDY Valentine’s Day; How perfect is that. A cupid’s baby.
============================================================
SCENE 4: NIGHTMARE – INT. BEDROOM – NEXT MORNING
1. Action: Dino is being threatened by man w/a gun.
2. Life Threatening situation: Might be shot
3. Mystery: who is the man and why that dream?
4. Clue: Dino wakes up from dream, grabs his shoulder, there is a scar – was it from the gunshot?INT. BEDROOM – NEXT MORNING
RAPID EYE MOVEMENT. DREAMING. CUT OUT to find Dino in bed. DINO’S NIGHTMARE – CONTINUOUS IN SLOW-MOTION — small boy RUNS into a bedroom — PLOWS into a man POINTING a GUN at Dino. And as the PISTOL DISCHARGES…=============================================================
SCENE 5: INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino is awakened by step-dad pounding on door.
2. Life Threatening situation: Threat of physical harm.
3. Mystery: Why the hostility.
4. Villain’s plan: reveal Jim’s hatred of step-son.<div>
</div>…POUNDING on Dino’s bedroom door followed by,
MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Get up! Don’t make me come in there and beat your lazy ass.Dino’s eyes fly open, He grabs his arm where he was shot. Nothing. Shakes off the dream, throws aside the covers.
DINO (flips off door) I’m up! Chill yourself.
The CAMERA circles Dino’s room. Posters of deep space, hot chicks and tricked-out motorcycles tacked to the walls.
There are no photos of family on the dresser, no trophies, ribbons, or awards. Clearly, not into team sports.
Beside his day pack, a collection of literature books, most with the names of libraries or schools inked onto the spines.
Linger on them. Stolen? Or checked out and never returned? ============================================================
SCENE 6: INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino grooms himself, gets ready for school.
2. Mystery: what’s the bracelet have to do w/ his gramps?3. Clue: why is it wet? Shouldn’t be, no water on cabinet.
Dino kneels, leans over the edge of the tub, head under the spigot. Cold-water faucet open: Stimulating. Invigorating.
He towels off, sprays deodorant, brushes his teeth, runs a handful of styling gel through his shoulder-length hair.
The MIRROR reveals a widow’s peak and dark eyebrows. Dino SLAPS on cologne. The sting is immediate. Gratifying.
DINO (to his reflection) Tell her it’s over. Steph’s right, I’m jus’ her booty-call biatch.
Voice inflection reveals, Dino hasn’t the conviction.
On the top shelf of the medicine cabinet, he retrieves a braided strip of leather. Friendship bracelet. Old. Worn.
He kisses it, stops. Feels the leather; it’s wet. He reaches up, runs his hand across the cabinet, checks his hand. It’s dry. With a shrug, he slips the trinket on his wrist.
DINO (CONT’D) Miss you, gramps.
Throwing on Levi’s, black tee-shirt and leather jacket, Dino exits the house via the back door munching on a protein bar.
He shoves the WRAPPER in his pants pocket. =============================================================
SCENE 7: EXT. BACK PORCH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino takes memory chip from nanny cam & leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding that bike in am traffic
3. Mystery: What is with Dino having the nanny cam?
EXT. BACK PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Wooden enclosure in need of paint. Dated furniture. On the concrete slab beside the porch, a futuristic-looking motorcycle. New. Expensive.
Dino reaches up, extracts the memory chip, from a nanny cam hidden on one of the porch beams. He puts it in his pocket.
Moment later, Dino is astride the monstrous, red, DUCATI. =============================================================
SCENE 8: INT. MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Step-dad points pretend gun at Dino as he leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: Jim intends harm to Dino
3. Mystery: What is the “surprise” he has in store for Dino.4. Villain’s plan = Tells us he has a surprise for Dino
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Grey-haired man in paisley boxers stands at the window. He watches Dino leave. JIM THOMAS, fit at fifty, is not smiling.
The pretend gun he makes out of his hand, he points at his step-son as Dino races off.
JIM (at a whisper) Got a surprise coming, lover boy.
Career, law-enforcement officer, Jim has a smile that never reaches his eyes.
Behind him, asleep in bed, we glimpse GRACE: dark-haired, early forties, brunette version of Ann Margaret.
Jim gives her a disparaging look. It is clear love is not a word that describes what Grace means to him.
CAMERA LINGERS on the dresser beside Jim: Givenchy leather wallet, US Marshal’s badge, car keys with Lady of Justice charm, Versace sunglasses, purple Sharpee, stack of old lottery tickets.
HOLD ON Nikon CAMERA with telephoto lens. =============================================================
SCENE 9: EXT. LIVINGSTON – MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Dino riding his Ducati to school.
2. Life Threatening situation: car runs a stop sign.3. Mystery: why does he ride that bike, death wish?
EXT. LIVINGSTON – MINUTES LATER
Livingston, post-card suburbia. Town has its own police force, school system, two gated communities, five Starbucks and plenty of stressed-out residents.
Dino flies down the residential streets, past picturesque neighborhoods, manicured yards and enforced covenants.
At a four-way stop, mini-van piloted by soccer mom: Starbucks in one hand, head turned to scold a passenger — blows through the intersection — misses Dino’s bike by inches — doesn’t see him FLIP HER OFF.
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SCENE 10: EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino weaves thru traffic, parks the bike.
2. Life Threatening situation: Car cuts him off, etc.
3. Mystery: why wasn’t he scared or shaken by that.
EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
At a crawl, line of SUVs and SOCCER MOM VANS stretches for two blocks.
Ringing the cul-de-sac outside the school entrance, bright yellow school buses drop off students. The exodus, pure bedlam in spite of the orange-vested crossing guards.
FOLLOW the red Ducati WEAVING through traffic, veers right, onto the sidewalk and into the student parking lot.
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SCENE 11: EXT/INT. CLASSROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino meets new teacher; Cindy’s gone. Guilt!
2. Life Threatening situation: They know; he’ll be expelled3. Mystery: why the new teacher won’t elaborate
4. Villain’s plan: Did he know, is this his surprise?EXT/INT. CLASSROOM – MORNING
Dino’s state of mind, revealed in his quick stride and body language crossing over the parking lot.
At the classroom door, he pauses. Takes a breath. He mouths the words: it’s over.
Door opens with a SQUEAK. Dino finds a Hispanic man writing his name on the chalkboard.
DINO (reads handwriting) Excuse me, Mister Torrez, where’s Cindy, I mean Miss Lozano?
TORREZ I will be your teacher for the remainder of the year.
DINO Sir, you didn’t answer my question.
Dino notices Cindy’s glass apple and name plaque are not on the desk. It hits him: They found out. Mr. Torrez resumes writing on the chalkboard.
Guilt-stricken, Dino stares at the materials on the desk; his look of resolve gone. His gaze lands on the newspaper. Folded in half, we see today’s date: Thursday, February 8, 2018.
Set in bold letters, the streamer reads:
INSERT – STREAMER
“Mrs. Lozano Brutally Murdered! Husband Finds Body In Bed.”
BACK TO SCENE.
Without thinking, Dino grabs the Livingston Herald from the teacher’s stack of materials and RUNS out the classroom door.
=============================================================
SCENE 12: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Stunned, Dino winds up at his book locker
2. Life Threatening situation: He is or will be a suspect.3. Mystery: Who murdered her and why.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Dino winds up at his book locker: pale, heart pounding, ears ringing, unaware he has a death grip on the newspaper.
DINO I was with her(checks time on phone)ten hours ago. Jesus, who would do this?
A locker slamming shut down the hall kills his introspection. ============================================================
SCENE 13: FLASHBACK – INT. CAMARO – LAST NIGHT
1. Action: Cindy pulls up to a store; Dino kids her.
2. Mystery: what is the pain they share, that links them. 3. Trust: Dino trusts Cindy; he loves her or thinks so.FLASHBACK – INT. CAMARO – LAST NIGHT
Cindy whips into a convenience store lot, avoids the vehicles waiting to gas up, parks to the right of the front door.
CINDY Squeeze-bottle of honey and Handi-
wipes. Anything else, sugah?
Dino touches his lips. Cindy leans over, PLANTS one on him.CINDY (CONT’D) Don’t know what I’d do without you.
DINO (winks) Find another bad boy to keep you from getting lonely.
Cindy flashes him a disapproving frown.
CINDY (CONT’D) You’re not a bad boy.
She reaches over and lays her hand on his crotch.
CINDY (CONT’D) Tragedy brought us together. Girls your age can’t relate to real loss.
Dino gestures to a top-heavy girl exiting the store — cocks an eyebrow in mock interest.
CINDY (CONT’D) Those pants are so tight I can see her religion. Wet and willing won’t make the pain go away, hon.(turns) I’ll getcha box of red vines.
Cindy hops out.
Somewhat defeated, Dino’s eyes linger on Cindy’s ass as she walks toward the store. To himself: who needs love.BACK TO PRESENT.
Dino hurries down the steps, TEXTS Stephannie as he exits the Admin building.
INSERT – TEXT
“Can’t do school. CYL8ER.” =============================================================SCENE 14: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Meet Leah, Detective on Cindy’s murder.
2. Mystery: who delivered the photos of Dino & Cindy
3. Clue: One of the photos is done w/ a telephoto lens.4. Reveal: Leah touches Dino’s face in photo w/ emotion.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
LEAH SINCLAIRE (24) moves past the cubes reviewing the to-do list on her phone. Her stride is impatient, mannish.
Tough and sexy, Leah takes her job and herself serious. She goes where the evidence takes her or so says her wall plaque.
ON HER DESK
Leah finds a manilla envelope with the word, “Welcome” written in purple marker, laying in her in-basket.
She looks around, expecting it to be a prank. In spite of her misgiving, she opens it.
PHOTOGRAPHS spill out, across her desk. She picks up three and immediately recognizes the woman in the shots.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPHS
1. Cindy in a sexy dress beside a handsome, young man.
2. Cindy and same young man standing close – laughing.
3. Cindy with young man alone in a classroom – hugging.
BACK TO SCENE
Leah pauses on a long lens shot of the murder vic hugging the photogenic, young man — a student?
Clearly taken in a classroom, Leah studies each element of the photograph looking for clues.
She brushes the tip of her finger across the young man’s face in a telling gesture, unaware what it signifies.
=============================================================
SCENE 15: EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – MID-MORNING
1. Action: Dino parks where Cindy parked last night.
2. Life Threatening situation: possible suspect in murder. 3. Mystery: retraces steps to see if he’s on a video cameraEXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – MID-MORNING
Dino parks where Cindy parked last night. A flood of memories surface. Fear turns to anguish. He bites his bottom lip.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Ferris Wheel – A quick KISS as the cage reaches the top.2. Drama Room – Mistletoe suspended above
3. Classroom – Secret Santa gift, squeeze
BACK TO PRESENT.
With a shiver, Dino mutters:DINO She’s gone, like we never were.
Dino’s exhale the sound of hope dying. Astride his Ducati, he has an unobstructed view of the store front.
Dino scans the eaves, looks in the windows. There are no cameras, nothing that puts him here last night.
Cell phone CHIMES. He grabs his phone, checks caller ID. =============================================================
SCENE 16: INTERCUT: STEPH, GIRL’S LOCKER ROOM; DINO, HIS BIKE
1. Action: Steph calls; says she’s sorry; meet up for lunch
2. Mystery: Who killed Cindy
DINO Top of the morning to ya.
STEPHANNIE On the first ring. You miss me?
INTERCUT: STEPHANNIE, GIRL’S LOCKER; DINO, ON HIS BIKE
DINO And if I said yes.
STEPHANNIE (reaches for panties)
You’d be lying. I just heard; I’m so sorry. It’s all anyone is talking about.
STEPHANIE (18) wild hair, blue eyes set in a pretty face with a provocative mouth. Sexy, in a soft-porn way. Her mannerisms part tomboy, part sensualist.
DINO It’s why I left.(changes topic) Heard about Gloria, you good?
STEPHANNIE Butch had that beat down coming.
Stephannie’s “dare me” smile says it all. She is a force, quick to go hard-in-the-paint.
Dino spies the tamper-proof seal to a squeeze-bottle of honey Cindy bought last night.
Blanked, he stares at the dime-sized piece of PLASTIC: starts to reach for it, stops. Pulls back his hand as if repulsed.
With the toe of his boot, Dino pushes the seal into a PUDDLE.
DINO (CONT’D) You up for sushi? My treat.
DINO (CONT’D) Nakamora’s, noon?
STEPHANNIE (throws on bra) Sounds dope. See you there.
=============================================================
SCENE 17: INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
1. Action: Leah calls Rodney, tells him she has a lead.2. Mystery: who is this Dino person & did he do it.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Leah pushes away from the desk. CALLS her partner, Detective Rodney Stokes, on her way out of the building.
LEAH Victimology report, weak. I’ve a lead.(listens)For the past year, not so much as a speeding ticket.
RODNEY He’s your suspect, why?
LEAH I Googled Rosemont High’s yearbook, he’s in it along with our vic. Several pics of them together. Also, his father is Luke Strickland.(listens)The same, correct. Our very own Art Williams.
RODNEY Speaking of weak. My money’s on hubby. He has money. If he knew about her infidelity, there’s motive. Two out of three: Means and motive. I find the murder weapon, that’s strike three, game over.
LEAH I read hubby’s profile, he’s an accountant. Heard back from Pam.
RODNEY His assistant? She called you? I left her like three messages.
LEAH Hate to burst your bubble, but Dean was in Denver at a conference. He came home and found her body.
RODNEY I want his ATM and credit card receipts. And your high school Romero, why him? Did he know Cindy in the biblical sense?
LEAH I intend to find out.
RODNEY How? I’m sure he hates anyone with a badge given his dad’s status.
LEAH I have my ways.
=============================================================
SCENE 18: EXT. POLICE STATION – PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah gets on her blue Ducati and leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding a motorcycle
3. Mystery: why does she ride a bike like his.
EXT. POLICE STATION – PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
Morning sunlight bleeds through storm clouds. Leah throws on her helmet, riding gloves, leaves the lot on a blue Ducati.
=============================================================
SCENE 19: EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Dino straddling his red Ducati on the phone.
2. Life Threatening situation: left semen in Cindy’s car.
3. Mystery: who did it; he fears he is a suspect.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Red Ducati. Purring. Dino straddling it, talking on phone.DINO I know; I’m a suspect or will be.
STEPHANNIE Anyone see the two of you together?
DINO No. I retraced where we went. Novideo cameras.(listens – frowns) No, she wasn’t a fan of condoms. What I don’t get, is we banged in her car, a first. Cindy was a freak about getting stains on the leather upholstery.(listens) Yeah, a DNA match and I’m toast.
STEPHANNIE Someone saw something. You sure you didn’t go anywhere in public?
DINO After hanging at the quarry, we stopped at the Dirty Bourbon. Alley in back, nada.
STEPHANNIE You said you didn’t go anywhere.
DINO We didn’t. She dropped me off. I wanted to dance;(eyes light up) I was dancing. Plenty of witnesses!
STEPHANNIE Do we know time of death?
Dino’s elation turns to something else.
DINO No. Gotta jet; meet ya, say nine.
He hangs up; in his jacket, he pulls out a sheet of paper. ===========================================================
SCENE 20: INSERT – FOLDED SHEET OF PAPER
1. Action: Dino makes paper airplane out
2. Clue: his comment reflects his fear
INSERT – FOLDED SHEET OF PAPER
Filled with trigonometry problems. Grade reads 100%
BACK TO SCENE.
Dino fashions the exam into a paper airplane, flies it across the parking lot.
DINO So much for AP classes.(chuckles) AP – attending prison.
CLOSE ON plane touching down in a puddle of water. And as the ink SMEARS, turning mathematics into abstract art.
DINO races off, oblivious to the blue Ducati tailing him. =============================================================
SCENE 21: EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah follows Dino on bike to pizza place.
2. Life Threatening situation: his reckless driving.
3. Mystery: How does he not have any speeding tickets.
EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
Leah is shocked at how fast Dino rides.The fact he doesn’t have any moving violations on his record is testament to luck and a great line of BS.
=============================================================
SCENE 22: EXT/INT. PIZZA PARLOR – LUNCH
1. Action: Leah parks, follows Dino in, sees the gang.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why does he give Steph & Jerome money, drugs?EXT/INT. PIZZA PARLOR – LUNCH
Leah pulls into the crowded parking lot as Dino steps inside the restaurant.
She parks beside his bike, notes the small mural of a BLACK SWAN painted on his gas tank.
INSIDE – Crowded. Noisy.
Leah takes a seat at the counter, does a sweep of the place: profiling, categorizing; it’s more than a hobby with her.
WAITRESS catches Leah’s eye who mouths, “Dr. Pepper.” Gestures the size wanted with her hands. Waitress nods okay.
DINO walks over to a corner booth filled with kids.
Leah observes their interaction. Dino gives a sexy girl, who is all over him, money on the down low. Does the same for a sad-faced, black kid.
Pretty blond girl POINTS at the pizza on the table. Dino shakes his head, JINGLES his keys.
It is clear by the consolatory hugs and facial expressions that Dino’s student-with-benefits relationship with Mrs. Lozano was no secret.
The realization and resulting frown prompts the detective to take her observation of the suspect to the next level.
At HALF-SPEED Dino high-fives and knuckle bumps. Sexy girl gives a full, frontal hug, leaves Dino with a shoulder punch.
As he crosses over the lobby heads turn, girls GIGGLE, unabashed STARES. He radiates charisma, innate sexual energy.
LEAH
Sets two dollars on the counter and FOLLOWS Dino out. ============================================================SCENE 23: EXT. PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah introduces herself; Dino flirts.
2. Life Threatening situation: he wants to take her racing.3. Mystery: Why did she lie about her name and occupation.
EXT. PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
Leah sees Dino stop and look down at her bike. She walks up.LEAH You know what red signifies?
Dino’s smile underscores his surprise: she is hot!
DINO LEAH I’ve no idea. Outgoing, aggressive and impulsive.
Leah talks with her eyes as much as with her hands.
DINO I’ve been called worse. (gestures to her bike) Blue represents someone who is (looks her over)suspicious, self- controlled and deliberate.
He walks around her bike, notes the license plate.
LEAH You forgot obsessive and inflexible.(extends hand)Maria.
DINO (shakes hand) Dino. You new in town?
LEAH I am. Where’s a good place to ride?
DINO Depends. Ever run a quarter?
LEAH As in on a race track?
DINO I’ve got to run an errand. Meet me here — five o’clock. We’ll go to the track. See what you’re made of.
Dino gives a sexy goodbye WINK.
Leah watches him leave, then speaks into her phone. The Notes application turns speech into print. Leah’s observations and impressions and hunches captured for later review.
=============================================================
SCENE 24: EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY – LATER
1. Action: Dino sees Leah following; loses her, pulls off.2. Mystery: Why is she following him?
EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY – LATER
Navigating the road with its curves and switchbacks, Dino spots Maria’s blue Ducati trailing behind.
Soon as he enters McNally, a three mile stretch of winding inclines, he floors it. Speedometer quickly passes 100 mph.
Dino brakes, pulls off on a side road, stops then calls Jerome(sad-faced black kid from the Pizza Parlor).
=============================================================
SCENE 25: INTERCUT: DINO, ON DUCATI; JEROME, HIS CAR.
1. Action: Dino calls Jerome, gives him her license plate.
2. Life Threatening situation: cop, detective, stalker?
3. Mystery: who is she really?
INTERCUT: DINO, ON DUCATI; JEROME, HIS CAR.
DINO I’m being tailed. Name’s Maria. A blue Ducati; I’ll text the license plate(listens) Thanks, you’re a G.
===========================================================
SCENE 26: INT. VISITATION ROOM – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Luke talk using memories as a code.
2. Mystery: their code for communicating via memories
3. Villain’s plan: ongoing and eavesdropping on them.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – LATER
Dino at a metal table. Across from him, LUKE in prison blues. Despite the room and guards, the two are comfortable.
LUKE Remember when we flew that split-tail dragon kite of yours, son?
Dino nods. They’ve developed their own way of communicating.
LUKE (CONT’D) And that lightning strike you thought was filled with honey? I dreamed of that day last night.
Dino touches his bracelet, rolls the braided leather between his fingers, a habit he finds comforting.
LUKE (CONT’D) You know the alpha-male leads. Be that wolf. Keep your pack close. =============================================================
SCENE 27: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Jim reviews the recording, wants engraving plates.
2. Mystery: why the obsession, what’s he want.
3. Villain’s plan: Make Luke give him the engraving plates.INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – LATER
Jim watches the VIDEO FOOTAGE of Dino’s interaction with his biological father.
On the book shelf behind Jim’s desk there are several hundred VCR tapes, labeled in magic-marker by the date.
Jim extracts the tape from the machine.
JIM Five years of small talk.(shakes VCR tape)You are going to tell me where those engraving plates are
=============================================================
SCENE 28: EXT. FEDERAL PENITENTIARY – PARKING LOT – LATER
1. Action: Dino hears back from Jerome; Leah’s a detective.
2. Life Threatening situation: fear of incarceration.
3. Mystery: how did she find him so fast?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and unfolding; Dino’s a suspectEXT. FEDERAL PENITENTIARY – PARKING LOT – LATER
PHONE CHIMES. Dino grabs his cell phone.
JEROME Bad news. She’s Five-O. Leah Marie Sinclaire, homicide detective.
DINO I’m going to play her, find out what she thinks she knows.
JEROME Is that wise? Showing up like she did, it’s no coincidence.
DINO Been looking over my shoulder all my life. No more.
JEROME You could be playing with fire.
DINO I can think of three men Cindy curbed. The janitor at school went from drooling to giving her stink eye. Ted, our vice principle, got a little frisky at a faculty party, and Hawkins of Hawkins real estate. She ghosted him, said he got nasty. The detective needs to know this.
JEROME Fifty-eight percent of all female homicide victims are killed by their significant other. I Googled it. Do not let the detective know you are onto her.
DINO Cindy said Dean was scared of his own shadow. It’s not him. Laters.
Dino leaves the parking lot in a blur, SPEEDS PAST CAMERA positioned at the entrance to the parking lot.
=============================================================
SCENE 29: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – 5PM
1. Action: Dino rides up, Leah’s waiting, ride off together.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding across town w/ him.
3. Mystery: there are 3 other men Cindy told Dino about.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing; Dino is now on their radar.EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – 5PM
Dino pulls in, finds Leah straddling her bike — helmet in one hand — shaking out her hair. Provocative. Sexy.
Without a helmet, Dino’s wind-blown hair is a lion’s mane.
LEAH Get your errands done?
DINO I did. Shall we.
LEAH What, no small talk?
DINO (revs throttle) Actions speak my language. =============================================================
SCENE 30: EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING
1. Action: Dino races across town; Leah follows.
2. Life Threatening situation: his driving.
3. Mystery: why such reckless disregard for safety.EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING
They fly across town: past motorists, around delivery trucks, weaving through traffic as if reality were a video game.
Dino leads the way out to the county race track. ============================================================
SCENE 31: EXT. RACE TRACK ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino opens gate, goes onto the track.
2. Life Threatening situation: they are about to race.3. Trust: Dino trusts Leah to race; he tests her too.
EXT. RACE TRACK ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS
Dino pulls to a stop at the wire-mesh fence, shows Leah a key, unlocks the gate.
DINO Manager’s chill.(off her look)You good? Look a little pale.
LEAH You know for every ten mph over the posted speed limit, the risk of dying in a crash doubles. Means doing eighty on a sixty mile per hour road increases the risk of a fatal crash by four times.
DINO Look, life is not the breaths you take, it’s the moments you make, that take your breath away.
LEAH Adrenaline junkie, good to know.
Dino drives off; Leah follows him onto the track. ==========================================================
SCENE 32: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Leah & Dino racing.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing their bikes3. Mystery: why race, what’s it proving for Dino
SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. STARTING LINE – tires spinning, engines screaming.
2. FINISH LINE – red blur crosses over first.
3. DRAG STRIP – side by side, returning to the starting line. ==========================================================SCENE 33: EXT. RACE TRACK – LATER
1. Action: shows Dino winning every race.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing at top speed.3. Mystery: why he is so crazy reckless
EXT. RACE TRACK – LATER SOMEONE’S POV.
In SLOW-MOTION, red and blue Ducati’s pull away from the starting line. Both riders hunched over their machines.
Holding nothing back, Dino wins every run.
DINO (pulls up beside her) You’re good. Real good.
LEAH Where to now, or do you have errands to run?
Dino SQUIRTS his water bottle at her.
DINO I lied to you earlier.
LEAH “About?”
DINO I hate deception.
DINO You up for a ride?
LEAH Depends where.
DINO Place I go to clear my head.
Dino clocks her hesitancy.
DINO (CONT’D) Past your bedtime? Or is Mister Right waiting to tuck you in?
LEAH Neither, if I agree to go, I’m buying you a helmet and you are wearing it. Deal?
DINO ‘Ain’t here for a long time. I’m here for a good time.’ George Strait. Man’s seen a thing or two.
LEAH Is that a yes?
DINO Why not.
Leah realizes Dino’s lack of protective gear isn’t just teenage bravado: he’s not being cavalier; he is suicidally reckless. Holy shit.
LEAH It isn’t a race. I don’t want a speeding ticket. ===========================================================
SCENE 34: EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
1. Action: Dino drives out to Mtn. cabin, Leah follows.2. Mystery: Why did he bring her; what are his intentions
EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
Dino takes back roads out of town and the county highway into the mountains.
To Leah’s surprise, he rides sensibly, points out various landmarks along the way.
Pulling off the highway, they take a dirt road, hardly more than two groves in the dirt. Pine trees everywhere.
=============================================================
SCENE 35: EXT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino parks, Leah parks; tells her they’re friends.
2. Life Threatening situation: alone w/ a murder suspect.
3. Mystery: why are they there.EXT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Dino parks in front of a large, two-story log cabin. Leah gives him a questioning look.
LEAH Friends of yours?
Dino nods, not giving the house a second glance.
DINO Vacation homes remind me of widows.
DINO Alone with memories and home to old ghosts.
LEAH Whose wisdom are you referencing?
DINO (gives hair a flip) You tell me.
LEAH From Ancient Greece to country music, it’s wide open — Twain.
DINO Yours truly. Quotes from people I admire and aspire to be like, help.
Dino starts across the clearing, heads for a trail, unaware Leah checks her pistol to make sure she is not printing.
LEAH DINO I didn’t bring hiking shoes. It’s not far.
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SCENE 36: EXT. TRAIL – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino takes her up to the lake & the water falls.2. Mystery: Dino shows her the lake and water falls
EXT. TRAIL – NIGHT
They hike along a foot path. Incredible visibility thanks to the full moon.
Dino points out various types of vegetation, talks to their medicinal properties and whether or not they’re edible.
LEAH Didn’t take you for a nature buff.
DINO Round pegs, square holes, it’s a conundrum.
Dino and Leah break through the timber.
DINO (CONT’D)
‘Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly.’MOONLIGHT on the LAKE: WATER POURING over the cliff.
LEAH Wow, this is breath-taking.
=============================================================
SCENE 37: EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino points to falls, strips and swims off.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s naked, hypothermia.
3. Mystery: why does he go to the falls naked.
EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS
At the water’s edge, Dino kicks off his shoes and sticks a foot in. The cold is immediate and intense.
DINO Love it here. The stars, sound of the falls, wind in the pines.
Dino points to a slow-falling leaf suspended in midair.
DINO That’s freedom.
LEAH Earlier, you said you’d been untruthful… About?
DINO I went to see my father today. He’s not an errand… He’s in prison.
LEAH I’m sorry, that can’t be easy.
Impressed by the comment, Dino asks:
DINO When was the last time you did something real?
LEAH (stares across lake) Depends on your definition.
DINO Ever see a rainbow at night? Last one there buys breakfast.
To Leah’s surprise, Dino strips and dives into the water, rolls onto his stomach and swims toward the water fall.
LEAH Damn him.
Leah eyes the shoreline in both directions, turns to her right, takes off at a fast jog.
END OF ACT ONE
==========================================================
ACT TWO
SCENE 1: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – BASE OF THE FALLS – LATER
1. Action: Leah helps Dino out of lake water.
2. Mystery: to see this rainbow Dino’s talking about
EXT. ROCK LEDGE – BASE OF THE FALLS – LATER
Dino hides his surprise as Leah offers him a hand out of the water. Her grip strength surprises him.
DINO
There’s a ledge behind thewaterfall. Time for that rainbow. (off her look)
Things are rarely black and white if you know where to look.
===========================================================
SCENE 2: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – CONTINUOUS
1. Actions: Dino leads the way in behind the waterfall.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah slips, almost falls
3. Mystery: this rainbow of Dino’s
EXT. ROCK LEDGE – CONTINUOUS
Dino moves over the wet stones, points out places to avoid stepping. At one point, Leah loses her balance.
Dino saves her from a painful spill. Looking up at him, her shoulder blades touching his chest.
LEAH
Thank you for telling me about yourfather. Sorry you two are apart.
She touches the scar on the outside of his shoulder:LEAH (CONT’D) What happened?
Leah knows it’s a bullet wound. The scar is unmistakable.
DINO
A friend and I were injured.Moments later, they stand side by side — staring through the mist — looking up at a translucent rainbow.
LEAH
I thought you were beingmetaphorical. It’s incredible.
DINO
I was eight when my dad brought mehere. Rainbows speak to the heart. Make a wish. Go ahead, make one.
LEAH Really?
DINO (takes her hand)
Put the back of your hand on the rainbow, like so. Now, close your eyes and make a fist. Good, toss it into the air and make your wish.
Leah FLINGS her hand up, then gives him the head-to-toe.
LEAH
Why’d you come here naked?DINO
Truth hides behind uniforms, masksand titles. Like this, lies have no place. Whitman wrote how nakedness is freeing. I agree, it is.
LEAH
You always so candid? We just met.Did you know dangerous people have a way of making a person feel safe, even comfortable and welcomed.
DINO
You saying you’re dangerous?DINO
Yet, you’re the one packing.DINO There’s (points) I’ve
firewood. We can talk
The detective in Leah connects the dots.LEAH Me, no. Take you for
instance; you’re friendly, easy on the eyes. In short, charming. And very open.
LEAH
And you’re shivering. It’stime we get back. Hypothermia is a real thing.
towels and there.
LEAH DINO The land, the cabin… Untraceable. Come.
============================================================
SCENE 3: INT. CAVE – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Leah talk re: life, goals, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: she sees the ax
3. Mystery: this cave from his childhood
INT. CAVE – LATER
Small campfire ILLUMINATES the one-room, cavern.Leah can tell it’s been lived in; childhood fort perhaps. It makes her smile imagining Dino a carefree boy at play.
LEAH
Ever wonder why we do, what we do?The AX leaned against the far wall catches her eye.
DINO
What you are willing to do to makeyour dream a reality, separates dreamers from doers. At the heart of all our hopes, there is a dream.
Leah thinks on it; stares into the flames.
LEAH
For me, it’s about priorities. Letme ask, what are yours?
DINO
People live their fears, not theirdreams. I don’t want to be that. You’ve been keeping this version of yourself from surfacing, why?
LEAH
If you mean thrill-seeking andirresponsible, you’d be right.
DINO
You equate adventure with beingirresponsible. Interesting.
LEAH And your fear?
DINO
I refuse to be a slave tofear of any kind.
LEAH
Drag racing my Ducati – check.Standing behind a waterfall with a naked stranger – check.
DINO
A ride in the mountains – check.Making a wish on a rainbow – check. Spending time with someone I just met – check… All good.
LEAH
Doesn’t mean you throw yourself inharm’s way. What do you wish for?
DINO The impossible.
DINO My family back.
LEAH Which is?
============================================================
SCENE 4: INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM -DAY
1. Action: Steph lies to cop taking her statement re: Dino.2. Mystery: Why is she here – really.
Stephannie sits dressed to impress and not in a good way.
STEPHANNIE
Dino was with me. Picked me up atDJ’s cafe. Not BJ’s.
OFFICER JONES (48) overweight and out of his league, sits across the table. Her play upon words sails over his head.
OFFICER JONES
Are there any witnesses who cancorroborate this?
Stephannie leans forward, giving him an eye full.STEPHANNIE
Lacy. She met us in the parkinglot. We got juiced, then bounced.
Stephannie walks over to the one-way glass — checks her lipstick — POINTS her index and middle fingers toward her eyes, then at the glass — MOUTHS the words: I see you.
=============================================================
SCENE 5: INT. VIEWING BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah watches Steph play the cop, gets pissed.2. Life Threatening situation: she alibi’s for Dino
LEAH, on the other side of the one-way glass, has had enough. She exits the room.
=============================================================
SCENE 6: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah enters, Steph warns her re: Dino and love. 2
. Mystery: How does Steph know her name
3. Reveal: Dino knew her name all along; he played her.INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Leah enters, walks over, whispers in Officer Jones’ ear. He leaves. She takes his seat.
LEAH STEPHANNIE Stephannie Caldwell, right. Detective Musgrave, what can
I do for you? Surprised the girl knows her name, Leah counters.
LEAH
Explain to me how Dino was withMrs. Lozano first, then you? How does that work exactly?
STEPHANNIE
What can I say, he gets around.LEAH STEPHANNIE Lacy have a last name? Haven, Lacy Haven.
Stephannie walks over, looks at herself in the one-way glass, catches Leah’s eye in the reflection.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D) Love and lust, both four-letter words, detective. Don’t confuse
them. Dino doesn’t. Got to get back to class.
Stephannie strides out the door.
Leah looks into the one-way glass knowing things just got a lot more complicated.
Stephannie knowing her name means: Dino played her! ============================================================= SCENE 7: INT. POLICE CHIEF’S OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Leah tells the Police Chief, she has a suspect.INT. POLICE CHIEF’S OFFICE – LATER
POLICE CHIEF, Stanley Higgins, mid-fifties, a man with political aspirations. He understands law enforcement is a young man’s profession. Fast-food and stress have aged him.
STANLEY
Where are we on the Lozanoinvestigation?
LEAH (swallows)
I think the vic was seeing one of her students.
STANLEY
We have physical evidence from theresidence and her vehicle. Bring him in. DNA will tell us the rest.
LEAH
We will need to get a court order.He’s a minor.
STANLEY
Great! Put together what you have.I will run it past Judge Hanson.
Desk phone rings. Stanley looks over. Leah leaves the room. =============================================================SCENE 8: INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – NOON
1. Action: Bruce hits Steph, Dino floors him, leaves w/ her.
2. Life Threatening situation: fight could escalate to guns
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – NOON
Noisy, auditorium-sized room packed with STUDENTS: eating, talking, texting. Conversations blur.
CAFETERIA GUARDS (in yellow vests) stand watch over those in line to buy their lunch, ready to deal with line cutters.
PAN ACROSS a table of TEENS to a group of JOCKS talking shit and pointing at everyone that walks by.
NORMAN
Heard your old man got a coachinggig at the University. That’s dope.
BRUCE(18)aggressive, acned — football team’s dirtiest player, gives a head nod — OGLING Stephannie’s rack as she walks by.
At her side, Dino. It gives Bruce an idea.
BRUCE (loud voice)
Better than having a fuckin’ con for an old man whose only question at work will be, ‘can I supersize your fries with that order?’
Laughter and high-five’s. All eyes drift Dino’s direction.
ANGLE ON Stephannie. Anger flares her nostrils. Without warning, she THROWS her ice-tea in Bruce’s face.
Chorus of “Ooh’s” ensue.
Bruce SPRINGS off the bench — THROWS A PUNCH, feet set to bullrush Stephannie and body slam her into the wall.
Stephannie WHIPS her head back — a knuckle SPLITS OPEN the corner of her right eyebrow.
SLOW MOTION — DINO’S FIST — squares with Bruce’s mouth. He DROPS: SPITS blood and two front teeth onto the floor.
DINO turns to Stephannie: BLOOD runs down her face.
STUDENTS at the table can’t believe what happened. NEARBY — CHORUS OF HAND CLAPS — COMMENTS — eyes track Dino walking off, arm around Stephannie.
=============================================================
SCENE 9: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Leah & Dino argue re: Cindy, Leah’s lie, etc.
2. Mystery: did Dino know who she was from the start.
3. Trust: Leah does not trust Dino; he played her.
4. Trust: Dino knows she lied; still trusts her.EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Leah faces Dino, astride his Ducati. Body language visibly changed from last night. They are mid-conversation.
LEAH When?
DINO Six, six-thirty.
LEAH What did you eat?
DINO Pizza
LEAH Where’d you eat?
DINO The Quarry
LEAH Meaning you ate in her car?!
DINO You didn’t ask the fourth W.
LEAH The why is obvious. Like to know what forensics found in her car?
DINO Bits of pizza crust, hair fibers, dirt that can be traced back to…
LEAH Dried semen on the passenger seat.
Cindy was what (air quotes) a good person in a loveless marriage? And you were, let me guess, a friend?
DINO Something like that.
LEAH She was your teacher!
DINO Her personal life isn’t on trial.
LEAH It is if the infidelity led to her death. I believe it did.
Dino starts to speak, stops himself, looks off.
LEAH (CONT’D) How long have you known I was a detective?
DINO (shrugs) How you pay your bills is none of my business.
LEAH The race track, the falls, was that…You know what, never mind.
DINO They’re called feelings.
LEAH What am I to you? A distraction, someone to kill time with? A detective to add to your list of conquests?
DINO Killing time, bit on the head. Hate to disappoint, I don’t keep track of who, when or why. Never have.
LEAH What happened last night can’t happen again. We clear?
DINO Get a little too real? Or, you jus’ looking for an excuse to dip?
LEAH You are a suspect in a murder investigation. It’s unethical and a huge conflict of interest.
Dino see emotion in her eyes. Something painful.
LEAH Were you with Stephannie last Wednesday, after being with Cindy?
Dino fist bumps two students walking by. Girl hand gestures: call-me.
Leah clocks Dino’s left-handed awkwardness, sees his other hand: swollen, discolored.
<div>
DINO Truth, I met up with Rachael at the Dirty Bourbon. Not Stephannie.
LEAH Bar off Harding? And they let you, (waves off question) When was this?
</div><div>
LEAH Why would Stephannie come to the station and lie about being with you?
</div>
DINO I’m no killer. I’d do the same for her. We have each other’s back.
LEAH You know Stephannie is in love with you, right?
DINO (chuckles) Girl is many things, but love is not one of her handicaps.
LEAH Equating love with a handicap, that’s just sad. Would you be willing to come by the station and give a DNA sample?
DINO So you can match semen samples with what you found in Cindy’s Camaro?
Dino slips SUNGLASSES off his head and slides them on.
LEAH A cheek swab. To rule out what we found in the bedroom, not her car.
DINO Placing me in the car doesn’t put me in her bed.
LEAH Were you ever?
DINO In her house, no. She kept what we did on the down- low.(shame) Gotta jet.
LEAH This investigation will continue with or without your cooperation.
DINO Okay, fine; whatever body fluid you require, you can have.
Leah hands Dino one of her business cards.
LEAH Call and we can set up a
DINO (pockets card) You never said what you wish for.
LEAH I didn’t; did I. Goodbye, Mister Strickland.
DINO There is nothing good about goodbye, Maria.
END OF ACT TWO
=============================================================
ACT THREE
SCENE 1: INT. CHARGER – EARLIER IN THE DAY
1. Action: Dino treats Steph’s wound, needs stitches.
2. Life Threatening situation: subdural hematoma
3. Mystery: their bond, friendship but not amorousINT. CHARGER – EARLIER IN THE DAY
Dino whips off his tee-shirt, folds it in half. Under protest, Stephannie reclines the passenger seat.
DINO
Keep your head tilted back.Dino inspects the WOUND.
STEPHANNIE (eyes on Dino)
This really necessary?
STEPHANNIE
Am I going to live, doc?Using his tee-shirt as a compress, Dino applies pressure to stop the bleeding.
DINO
You’re going to need to getthis stitched up.
DINO No, you’re not.
STEPHANNIE (makes a face)
Okay, but I’m driving.
STEPHANNIE
Are you new? The hell I’mnot.
Stephannie starts to sit up. Dino’s puts his hand on her shoulder. They lock eyes; it looks like they might kiss.
I’m driving.
DINO STEPHANNIE Don’t you curb rash my
hellcat tires. Beat your ass, you do.
Stephannie POINTS her index and middle fingers towards her eyes, then at Dino.
=============================================================
SCENE 2: INT. DIRTY BOURBON – LATER
1. Action: Leah introduces herself. Show’s Dino’s photo.2. Mystery: Why Dino was there, when and with whom
INT. DIRTY BOURBON – LATER
DEE-DEE(41)owner and one of the bartenders, greets Leah. Tall, big-boned and blond, she radiates confidence and a certain amount of world weariness.
DEE-DEE
Let me guess, you’re not here forthe pot-roast special? Leah FLASHES her detective shield.
39.
LEAH
I’d like to ask you a fewquestions.
Leah shows her Dino’s photograph.DEE-DEE Not here. Follow me.
=============================================================
SCENE 3: INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah & owner talk re: Dino and last Wednesday.2. Mystery: Why does Dino comes in
INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Cluttered, the desk is a mess. In the far corner, cases of high-end liquor.
LEAH
What can you tell me about DinoStrickland?
DEE-DEE
He comes in very other Wednesdaynight. Low key, very respectful.
LEAH
Did you know he’s only seventeen?40.
Dee-Dee’s surprise genuine.
DEE-DEE His ID’s genuine.
LEAH (CONT’D) Was he here this past
Wednesday?
LEAH
The boy’s resourceful.DEE-DEE (at filing cabinet)
I believe so.
Dee-Dee opens a drawer and rummages through video tapes. She finds the date in question and thumbs it into the VCR player.
INSERT – TV MONITOR
VIDEO: Time stamp shows Dino entering the bar at 9:05 pm. He joins a striking woman sitting alone at a corner table.
LEAH DEE-DEE That’s Rachael? It is.
Dee-Dee fast forwards, stops every few minutes. Dino and Rachael: dancing, chatting. Clearly friends. Maybe more.
LEAH
He usually dances with Rachael?DEE-DEE
Best dance couple in the place.Never seen Dino dance with anyone else. Same with Mrs. Brennan.
LEAH (eureka look)
As in Judge Brennan? (under her breath)
That’s how Stephannie knew
DEE-DEE
Stand behind a bar long enough, yousee it all. Booze and loneliness make for strange bed fellows.
LEAH They an item?
LEAH
What’s your gut tell you?DEE-DEE
Never seen them kiss or leavetogether.
DEE-DEE
Mrs. Brennan wants a piece of our wild-child.(off her look) Nickname one of my waitressesgave Dino.
Dee-Dee extracts the tape, hands it to the detective.DEE-DEE (CONT’D)
If it helps clear Dino, use it. He’s good folk.LEAH (nods)
Thank you. This helps.
DEE-DEE (CONT’D)
He’s a young man who needs a realwoman to show him what true love feels like. Boy’s had it rough.
(looks her in the eye)
You strike me as that kindov woman.Leah refrains from comment. She leaves the office, aware it doesn’t exonerate Dino: Coroner put the time of death between midnight and 2am.
41.
42. Leah exits the bar, asking herself: Where did he go after
closing time? It hits her: home! =============================================================
SCENE 4: INT. BOWLING ALLEY – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Steph & Jerome talk re: Dino & her and life.3. Mystery: Dino does he handle life’s problems w/ sex.
INT. BOWLING ALLEY – AFTERNOON
Stephannie approaches the lane line, draws her arm back and whips the ball forward.
Holding the pose a moment, she watches the bowling ball as it careens into the pens. A strike!
Stephannie walks back, fist bumps Jerome.
JEROME
Four strikes in a row!(gestures to forehead) The bandage good luck or what?
STEPHANNIE Something like that.
STEPHANNIE
I threw my Coke in Bruce’sJEROME
Tell me, I’m going to findout. Come on, girl.
JEROME (shocked look)
You did what?! Why?
face.
STEPHANNIE
He was talking shit. Bitch sucker-punched me.(grins) Dino knocked his punk ass out. D-bag left teeth on the cafeteria floor.
JEROME STEPHANNIE
Where’s Dino now? Being manic. You know how hegets. Jerome gives a sigh. He knows.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D)
He is amazingly dense. Mashing withsome random ho is his answer for all of life’s problems.
JEROME STEPHANNIE You friend zoned him, girl. I what?!
JEROME
You been his friend since forever.You know how he does.
STEPHANNIE
He’s as bad as Lacy with herpills.(off Jerome’s surprise) Pills, pussy both are running from their pain, only Dino is too thick to realize it’s pain he’s feeling.
Stephannie points to the lane, makes a fist for emphasis.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D) You better get a strike.
JEROME
And that’s your “P” — punching.============================================================
SCENE 5: EXT/INT. THOMAS RESIDENCE – LATER 1. Action: Leah calls on Grace, Dino’s mom.
2. Mystery: Mom’s relationship w/ Dino & Jim
EXT/INT. THOMAS RESIDENCE – LATER
Single-story and in need of attention, Leah notes the metal storm door and dead bolts.
She rings the bell and tries to picture Dino’s mother as footsteps approach.
GRACE opens the door.
In a silk blouse and slacks, she looks ready to step into a board meeting. At five foot eleven, she is a striking figure.
GRACE
One of Livingston’s finest Ipresume? Husband’s a US Marshal, you have the same law-and-order demeanor.
43.
LEAH May I come in?
GRACE
What’s this about, has myhusband…
LEAH
It’s about your son, Dino.Grace’s demeanor changes. Fear fills her eyes. For a split second, it looks as if Grace is going to close the door.
GRACE (shaky voice)
Please, come in.
Leah follows the well put-together woman inside.HOLD ON a FAMILY PORTRAIT of Dino with his mother and step- father. Snapshot of happier times.
Leah notes the appliances, the furniture, clearly, a before and after vibe: moneyed before and now… something else.
LIVING ROOM
Sectional sofa, marble coffee table, worn recliner. Eclectic.LEAH
I’m here to clear up a few things.Can you tell me what time Dino got home Wednesday night?
GRACE What’s this about?
GRACE Involving my son?
LEAH
Just routine questions. I’mworking a case.
LEAH
Not sure at this point.GRACE
Dino comes and goes as he pleases.Like his father sorry to say. (beat – then)
I go to bed at eleven. I now for a fact Dino wasn’t in then.
LEAH GRACE
Was Dino home in the morning? He was. Heard him say bye,then race off on that noisy motorcycle.
44.
LEAH
He goes to Rosemont High,correct?
LEAH
I’m ruling out potentialsuspects.
GRACE
Yeah, he graduates in May.What’s this about?
GRACE (preemptive)
And you can’t talk about an ongoing case. My husband is always feeding me that line.
And off her less than happy expression… ============================================================
SCENE 6: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches them via hidden camera.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah is in his sights 3. Mystery: How does Jim know Dino’s been w/ Cindy. 4. Villain’s plan: will keep feeding Leah cluesINT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
US Marshal badge on a desk littered with file folders and magazines. Cork board glued to the wall and pin-cushioned with old newspaper articles.
============================================================= SCENE 7: INSERT – NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS
1. Action: Shows Dino’s Dad’s capture and imprisonment. 2. Mystery: who is he keeping them
3. Villain’s plan: to get Luke to hand over the plates.INSERT – NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS
1. Counter-fitter Caught After Decade of Extravagance.
2. Luke Strickland Arrested in Seattle, WA.
3. Easy Money Leads to Federal Penitentiary.
BACK TO SCENE. =============================================================45.
SCENE 8: INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah tells Grace about Dino’s affair w/ Cindy 2. Mystery: How did Jim know Dino was w/ Cindy.
3. Villain’s plan: feed Leah more clues re: Dino.Jim sits in a chair, attention drawn to the monitor.
LIVE VIDEO CAM: Leah on the sofa facing Grace. Jim ups the volume.
LEAH
Were you aware Dino was closeto Mrs. Lozano?
LEAH
GRACE (eyes narrow)
His Spanish teacher?
GRACE
You inferring she was seeingmy son?
Yes, ma’am.
JIM (V.O.)
Duh, boy’s been tapping that foryears.
LEAH
I’m not at liberty to say.Angered, Grace gets to her feet.
GRACE (pained expression)
He’s been her student for the past three years.
GRACE
She’s been sleeping with my boysince he was fifteen?! Now that she’s been murdered, you think Dino is involved?
LEAH
I’m simply ruling out suspects.Would your husband know what time Dino got in?
GRACE
Dino and my husband don’t see eyeto eye. ===========================================================
46.
SCENE 9: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches them, says something cryptic 2. Mystery: ongoing
3. Villain’s plan: ongoingINT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
US Marshal badge on a desk littered with file folders and magazines. Cork board glued to the wall and pin-cushioned with old newspaper articles.
BACK TO SCENE.
Jim sits in a chair, attention drawn to the monitor.LIVE VIDEO CAM: Leah on the sofa facing Grace. Jim ups the volume.
Yes, ma’am.
LEAH
GRACE
You inferring she was seeingmy son?
JIM (V.O.)
Duh, boy’s been tapping that foryears.
LEAH
I’m not at liberty to say.Angered, Grace gets to her feet.
GRACE (pained expression)
He’s been her student for the past three years.
GRACE
She’s been sleeping with my boysince he was fifteen?! Now that she’s been murdered, you think Dino is involved?
LEAH
I’m simply ruling out suspects.Would your husband know what time Dino got in?
GRACE
Dino and my husband don’t see eyeto eye.
47.
48. ============================================================
SCENE 10: EXT. BAR – PARKING LOT – SAT. NIGHT (FEB 10TH) 1. Action: Leah rides up, asks Dino to go eat w/ him.
2. Mystery: their chemistry and attraction
EXT. SPORTS BAR – PARKING LOT – SATURDAY NIGHT (FEB 10TH)
Vehicles in and out. New. Chic. There is a line of people waiting to get inside.
Dino, astride his bike chatting up two HOTTIES, when he spies Leah pull in, onto the lot.
Hotties give Leah stink eye as she drives up, but leave when Dino says,
DINO
My parol officer, here to collecta urine sample.
Leah removes her helmet, unaware what Dino told them. She shakes out her hair; can’t get a read on him.
DINO How’d you find me?
DINO (CONT’D) This an official visit?
LEAH Cop, remember.
LEAH
Off duty, if that’s what youmean.
DINO (CONT’D)
Mother told me about your visit. Iapologize if she was snarky. And sorry for earlier. Not sure why I said what I did.
LEAH
You were pushing me away. The idea of normalcy spooked you.DINO (gets off bike)
I don’t do normal.
LEAH
Can we start over? Name’s Leah.Maria is my middle name.
DINO
If you answer something forme.
LEAH (eyebrow raise)
What’s on your mind?
DINO
You more afraid of dying or living?LEAH
I’m terrified of failure.Leah sees something in his eyes, relief. And reaches around, unstraps a new helmet, hands
LEAH (CONT’D) Here, try it on.
It is a perfect fit. Dino sets the helmet on
DINO
You’ve got that look. What look?DINO
Where is it you want to go?LEAH
The Cauldron, ever been? Nope.LEAH
This is not a date. I’m serious,Dino. We need to talk.
DINO
(hands up in surrender)You are here to question a suspect in Cindy’s murder. Got it.
LEAH
I mean it, Lethario. Don’t make merepeat myself.
DINO
I’m still waiting to hear what ithope. She it to Dino.
his bike. LEAH
DINO
is you wish for.
Leah puts both arms around his neck, leans in close.LEAH (at a whisper)
Happiness. I wish for happiness.
Dino kisses her cheek, his lips soft against her skin.DINO
Thank you for the helmet and forbelieving I didn’t kill Cindy.
49.
A long beat. They stand frozen, neither wanting to move. =============================================================
SCENE 11: EXT. ACROSS THE STREET – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: We see a dark sedan
2. Life Threatening situation: someone watching them 3. Mystery: Who are they watching: Dino or LeahEXT. ACROSS THE STREET – CONTINUOUS
Dark SEDAN parked between two, upscale Hondas. Cars bumper-to- bumper for a block in either direction.
=============================================================
SCENE 12: INT. SEDAN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney w/ camera captures Leah & Dino together.2. Mystery: Why she is getting so close to him
INT. SEDAN – CONTINUOUS
No music, no interior lights. In the driver’s seat, RODNEY watches his partner through a CAMERA’S TELEPHOTO LENS.
RODNEY
(click, click, click)You better keep that sweet ass in those jeans, girl.
=============================================================
SCENE 13: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Dino’s erratic behavior & dangerous stunts. 2. Life Threatening situation: his driving
3. Mystery: Why he drives like thatSERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Traffic light – Dino hops off his bike, high-fives TEENS in a Mustang, takes a SWIG from their whiskey bottle.
2. Crosswalk – Dino hands a homeless man in military fatigues money, then shakes his hand and salutes him.
50.
3. On-ramp – Dino rides a wheelie into freeway traffic. =============================================================
SCENE 14: EXT. DINO’S HOUSE – BACK PORCH – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino parks bike; Jim comes out, drunk, mad etc. 2. Life Threatening situation: Jim tries to hit Dino
3. Mystery: why drunk;
4. Villain’s plan: ongoingEXT. DINO’S HOUSE – BACK PORCH – NIGHT
Dino kills the head lamp, parks his bike. Porch screen-door FLIES OPEN. Jim staggers out, YELLS:
JIM
YOU LAZY SHIT! WHERE YOU BEEN?MAN stumbles after Dino. Leah gets off her bike, ready to intervene.
Up in Dino’s face, Jim takes a SWING — misses. Off balance, he falls awkwardly in the gravel drive.
Dino GLARES down at him, hands balled into fists.
JIM (CONT’D) (slurs)
Minute you turn eighteen, you’re da fuck outta my house!
Dino gives a disgusted sigh, strides over to Leah’s bike.
DINO
That’s my step-dad: an idiot soberand a mean drunk.
Leah gives a sympathy hug; moment turns into something else as the embrace ends in a KISS. Raw. Unexpected.
DINO (CONT’D) Was that — okay?
Fingers to her lips.
LEAH DINO I get it; the why. (puzzled)
Why what?
51.
LEAH
Your stepfather’s behavior. It wasembarrassing and humiliating. You needed a distraction.
DINO
Is that what you’re calling it?Okay, let’s go with that.
Dino climbs on the back of her bike, scootches up close, puts his hands on her waist.
END OF ACT THREE
============================================================
ACT FOUR
SCENE 1: MONTAGE – LEAH & DINO OUT ON THE TOWN
1. Action: caring, gentle side of Dino is revealed.2. Mystery: their chemistry
MONTAGE – LEAH AND DINO OUT ON THE TOWN
1. Private Booth – talking, laughing, enjoying dinner.2. Street corner florist – Dino buys flowers, gives bouquet to an elderly lady waiting for the metro bus.
3. Fountain – Dino hands Leah a coin to make a wish with. =============================================================
SCENE 2: INT. SCHOOL – MORNING (MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH) 1. Action: Steph reads Dino riot act for being w/ Leah.
2. Mystery: her anger, then kissing him, conflicted
INT. SCHOOL – MORNING (MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH)
Between class periods, hallway buzzing with students: talking trash, downing energy drinks, texting, eyeing one another.
Dino at his book locker. Coming up behind, Stephannie. Look on her face says it all.
52.
STEPHANNIE
I know why you ghosted meyesterday. What were you thinking?! She your first cop, is that it?
Dino FLINCHES. He does not want to have this conversation.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D) Sugar lips is going to do you
wrong. Detective Barbi playing nice? All up on you like a new tattoo?
She pins Dino against the locker, her hips pushed into his.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D)
I thought vomiting in my mouth wasjust an expression. Missus Robinson is working to pin Cindy’s murder on you. That what you want?
Students gather. Stephannie draws a crowd wherever she goes.
DINO
It isn’t like that. Please,I’m playing her.
STEPHANNIE (eye roll)
Oh God, bro. You got it bad. You’re going fetal on me.
DINO
Get off me, I didn’t even tap that.STEPHANNIE
Don’t mistake an urge for emotion.In frustration, Stephannie KISSES Dino hard on the lips.
Students make sex sounds, some clap, others comment: “Get a room,” “package check,” “I’m next,” “Give her the tongue.”
Stephannie breaks off the lip lock.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D) Love is for amateurs – D. Tap that
cooch, make a memory and move on.
Stephannie POINTS her index and middle fingers at her eyes, then to Dino before walking off.
CLOSE ON tears welling up in Stephannie’s eyes. =============================================================
53.
SCENE 3: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah tells Rodney she has 3 suspects via Dino. 2. Life Threatening situation: her involvement w/ Dino 3. Mystery: Rodney can’t figure out why she is doing it
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Leah, hunched over her desk. Stacks of paper everywhere. Conflicted. Mind elsewhere. Upset with herself.
KEURIG on the filing cabinet next to her begins CHUFFING — stream of coffee bleeds into her oversized mug.
Rodney TOSSES a paper clip her direction.
RODNEY
Sinclaire, gangster beanie in roomtwo got your juices flowing?
54.
LEAH
Please, he needs more thanhis goatee snipped.
RODNEY (makes ouch face)
We all have a type. You’re taking a big risk with that Strickland kid.
Leah invades Rodney’s personal space.
LEAH
I got the names of three suspects:from him: school VP, the janitor, Mr. Hawkins, the real estate guy.
=============================================================
SCENE 4: FLASHBACK – CEMETERY – MORNING
1. Action: Leah spying on Dino, sees him cry at Cindy’s grave2. Mystery: If he killed Cindy, why is he there and upset.
FLASHBACK – CEMETERY – MORNING
Red Ducati parked under an enormous maple. Dino kneeling beside a grave marker.
PULL BACK, FIND LEAH in a CRV with BINOCULARS. HOLD ON Dino’s posture: head bowed, shoulders bunch; he is crying.
CLOSE ON DINO’S HAND CLUTCHING LONG-STEM ROSES — BLOOD FROM THE THORNS DRIPPING TO THE GROUND.
BACK TO PRESENT. =============================================================
SCENE 5: INT. POLICE STATION – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney gives Leah file on Dino re: 2. Mystery: why did the man accuse Dino; then 3. Distrust: This makes Leah distrust Dino to
Rodney GRABS a file off his desk, WAVES it at
RODNEY
Did you know Dino was involved in ashooting three years ago?
a shooting. recant
a degreeLeah.
55.
LEAH
I pulled his file. There isno record of any shooting.
RODNEY (hands her file)
Her name was Lorraine. File was sealed, friend in Juvie owed me.
LEAH
And what? Dino shoot her?RODNEY
The bullet grazed Dino, nearlykilled the girl. Her father claimed Dino was a burglar. The daughter refuted it. Charges were dropped.
Leah recalls Dino’s scar, remembers the vague walks over to the coffee station.
LEAH
Sounds like Dino was in a bedroomhe shouldn’t’ve been in.
RODNEY
Dino is damaged goods. The mom hasOD’d more times than a rock star. A boy seeing his dad in jail, that pain becomes a cancer.
(beat – then)
Dino finds pleasure wherever he can. It’s not about notches on his belt; it’s about stifling the pain.explanation.She
LEAH RODNEY
Dr. Phil, who knew. I minored in psychology.Leah’s gaze leaves the dark thread of coffee filling her cup.
RODNEY (CONT’D) Remember, bad boys don’t get the
blues. =============================================================
SCENE 6: EXT. FOOD TRUCK – NOON (TUES. FEB 13TH)
1. Action: Leah & Dino talk; she brings up Lorraine, he goes 2. Life Threatening situation: He is being framed for murder 3. Mystery: Why won’t he talk to her about Lorraine, leaves
EXT. FOOD TRUCK – NOON (TUES. FEB 13TH)
Dino steps away from the food truck: gyro sandwiches in one hand, soft drinks in the other.
He sets their lunch down on the table, proclaims:
DINO
Best Gyros in town. Bar none.Leah waits until Dino is seated.
LEAH
We need to talk about what happened56.
at dinner.
DINO
I won’t say a word, promise.LEAH
It can’t happen again. Itgoes against everything I — I won’t be another Cindy.
DINO
You’re not. You aren’t married, youdon’t treat me like a tool, you care, that’s a first.
LEAH
You need to be with a girl your ownage. Stephannie, for example.
DINO
Relax, it’s not like we banged. Akiss is just a kiss. Let’s eat.
LEAH
Please, don’t be like that. I’mtrying here. Your hunch about the janitor, he’s got a record: assault and stalking. I’m bringing him in this afternoon for questioning.
Dino TOUCHES the leather bracelet on his wrist.
We looked.
LEAH
LEAH
I didn’t hear that.DINO
He looks where you can’t orwon’t.
LEAH (CONT’D)
Mr. Hawkins lawyered up. We don’thave enough to go before a judge and ask for a warrant.
DINO
I can have a friend do somestalking. See how butt-hurt got over Cindy dissing him.
cyber Hawkins
Dino wipes his mouth with a napkin, sets down the sandwich.
LEAH (CONT’D) Talk to me about Lorraine.
Stunned, Dino is momentarily speechless.
I can’t.
DINO LEAH
I read the police report. HerIt’s my job.
LEAH DINO (pissed)
I didn’t want to believe it, Steph was right.
father was… Why are you digging into my past?
DINO
Dino pushes away from the table, walks off.
LEAH
Dino, Dino — wait. Don’t go.=============================================================
57.
SCENE 7: INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
1. Action: upset, Leah calls Dino while lying in bed. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is upset, volatile 3. Mystery: Lorraine and that situation what happened
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Alone in bed with a book, Leah eyes her phone.And as she vacillates, the CAMERA inventories her room: hardwood flooring, dresser, matching night stand. Antique floor lamp, Victorian-style window curtains. Classy.
Leah gives in, picks up her cell, dials a number.
LEAH Dino?
=========================================================== SCENE 8: INTERCUT: LEAH IN BED; DINO STANDING WITH HIS BIKE
1. Action: talk re: suspects, video of Dino & Cindy… 3. Mystery: he flies a paper plane w/ Cindy’s photo in it 3. Trust: reestablished by both Dino and Leah.
INTERCUT: LEAH IN BED; DINO STANDING WITH HIS BIKE.
DINO
Detective, this a personal call?LEAH
I called to apologize. I should nothave sprang that on you.
58.
Why did you?
DINO
LEAH
I was following up on…DINO A lead. I know.
LEAH
You’re a suspect in a homicide.Prosecution will try to vilify your character, make it look like you are capable of murder. The shooting doesn’t help. I have good news.
He does.
DINO Lay it on me.
LEAH
We found revenge porn on thejanitor’s computer. He admitted to planting cameras in the faculty bathroom. He expressed no remorse. He exhibits Antisocial Personality Disorder.
DINO That means?
LEAH
He’s a psychopath. The lie detectortest he took is not valid. There’s a good chance he was present when Cindy was killed or knows who was.
DINO
The janitor has a video of Cindyand me in the bathroom doing it?
LEAH DINO
Did he send the smut to Dean?LEAH
When we asked Mr. Lozano about it,he told us Cindy watched it with him, told him it was Photo-Shopped. That the boy in the video, you, was a student, and that you had a rep for taping women he’d been with.
DINO
He bought it? No one’s that dense.I don’t even own a camera. Was the janitor blackmailing Cindy?
LEAH
Not that we can tell. He said hedid it for the money, that there’s a market for that on the Internet. His mom has cancer and needs very expensive meds.
59.
Dino stands holding a PAPER AIRPLANE. Tucked in it, a wallet PHOTOGRAPH of Cindy taken last summer at an arcade.
DINO (sarcasm)
Glad I could be of service.
(MORE)
DINO (CONT’D)
You know, Lorraine nearly diedbecause of me. Dino KISSES the snapshot.
With a flick of his wrist, the paper plane SAILS into the night taking Cindy with it.
DINO (CONT’D)
Cindy did. Better watch yourselfdetective, you could be next.
We SEE Dino standing at the edge of Drake cliff. Below him, city lights fan out in all direction.
LEAH
You had no way of knowing whatwould happen to either one of them. Stop blaming yourself.
Dino pulls a child’s bottle of BUBBLES from his jacket pocket, twists off the lid — holds the stylus to his lips.
60.
I do.
DINO (blows bubbles)
You believe we make our own destiny?
LEAH DINO
I admire that about you.LEAH
The other night, the homeless manand those flowers for that lady. What was that about?
DINO
‘Kindness is a language the deafcan hear and the blind see.’ Some day that homeless man might be me, the lady waiting for the bus, you.
LEAH DINO
Is that why at dinner, you… I wanted to taste you.LEAH
That is either really sexy, or youneed help.
DINO
I wanted to make it special. Notlike I’ve ever been on a real date.
LEAH DINO
You’ve never, I thought… Hooking up doesn’t requireHolidays.
Regret.
LEAH
I’m going to say a word, tellthe first thing that comes to
DINO
Random, but I’ll play along.me mind.
DINO DINO
LEAH
LEAH
Leah’s silence a confirmation of sorts.Tomorrow.
Sorrow.
DINO (CONT’D) My turn. Passion.
LEAH Problems.
meaningful conversations.
61.
Love.
DINO (CONT’D) LEAH Complications.
DINO (CONT’D) Seems we both have issues.
And as Dino closes his eyes going back to their dinner…
END OF ACT FOUR
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ACT FIVE
SCENE 1: FLASHBACK – FONDUE RESTAURANT – NIGHT 1. Action: Dino tells Leah why he hates “goodbye”
2. Mystery: he equates the word goodbye w/ death. FLASHBACK – FONDUE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Sitting on throw cushions trading looks, sipping green tea.LEAH
Mind if I ask a personal question?DINO
You’ve analyzed my body fluids, Idon’t see the harm in a question.
LEAH
What’s with you and goodbye?DINO
My grandfather told me goodbye, henever came back. Died of a heart attack that night. Lorraine never came back after Christmas break. Cindy teased me with adios the night she was murdered.
Look on Leah’s face compels Dino to explain himself.
DINO (CONT’D)
I would omit the word adios on allmy tests. In its place, I would write, hola… Means “hello.”
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SCENE 2: EXT. MOUNTAIN MEADOW – VALENTINE’S DAY 1. Action: Leah spying on Dino; he’s asleep.
2. Mystery: Why is Dino there alone, sleeping
EXT. MOUNTAIN MEADOW – VALENTINE’S DAY
THROUGH BINOCULARS: we SEE Dino lying on his back: shirtless, arms at his side. Unmoving. Clearly asleep.
PULL BACK to reveal him under a lone tree in a meadow. Wild flowers. Idyllic. Storm clouds building to the north.
FOLLOW LINE OF SIGHT BACK — to Leah. ==========================================================
SCENE 3: INT. CRV – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah has flower bouquet for him in car. 2. Mystery: Why Dino is there alone on his b-day.
62.
INT. CRV – CONTINUOUS LEAH adjusts the focus.
LEAH
What are you doing here, alone onyour birthday, Mister Strickland?
She glances at the bouquet of roses on the floorboard: retrieves the flower arrangement. With a pen, she writes on the to/from slip, aware her hand is trembling.
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SCENE 4: EXT. MEADOW – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah walks over, sets flowers by Dino & leaves2. Mystery: her feelings for him
EXT. MEADOW – CONTINUOUS
Leah makes her way across the field. She stares down at Dino, clocks his skinned-up knuckles and bruised rib cage.
She sets the bouquet next to his book bag and walks off. =============================================================
SCENE 5: INT/EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – LATER
1. Action: Steph calls tell Dino cops coming, get to her car 2. Life Threatening situation: cops coming to arrest Dino
3. Mystery: why, what has changed? New evidence.
4. Villain’s plan: he has gives them more clues against Dino.INT/EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – LATER
Dino munches a protein bar heading to the last class of the day. Phone CIRPS. He digs in his pants pocket.
63.
DINO STEPHANNIE
Five-O! They are two minutesWhat’s up? =============================================================
out. Get your ass in my car.
SCENE 6: INT. CHARGER – MINUTE LATER
1. Action: Dino ducks down, Steph leaves, turns his cell off 2. Life Threatening situation: His capture, arrest etc.
3. Mystery: what has changed; what new evidence do they have 4. Villain’s plan: he has obviously upped his gameINT. CHARGER – MINUTE LATER DINO
Curled up on the back seat as Stephannie leaves the student parking lot.
DINO
I’m so screwed! Whatever they got,it can’t be good.
STEPHANNIE
Capt’n Spiral, you went straight tothe worst possible scenario in record time. You didn’t do it.
At the intersection, Stephannie turns right. Police vehicles race past, running lights and sirens.
STEPHANNIE (CONT’D)
Six squad cars and two blacked-out SUV’s. They got a hard-on for you.Dino joins Stephannie in the front seat.
DINO STEPHANNIE
I knew this was coming. Turn off your phone and pullout the battery and SIM chip.
DINO
I can’t believe she — damn her!STEPHANNIE
Soon as you get your Johnson wet,your stupid goes into overdrive. Stephannie makes pouty lips, then gives a sexy WINK.
STEPAHHNIE
Amateur hour is over. This isserious. You got a place to stay?
DINO
Head north. Take County Road 12.I’ll tell you when to turn off.
64.
Dino stares out the windshield as a list of what if’s plays over in his head.
Stephannie looks over, PUNCHES him in the shoulder.
STEPHANNIE BTW – Happy Birthday!
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SCENE 7: INT. STORAGE UNIT – TWO HOURS EARLIER
1. Action: Rodney & Leah enter: find photos, evidence. 2. Mystery: why did Dino have this place
3. Villain’s plan: new clues tie murder to DinoINT. STORAGE UNIT – TWO HOURS EARLIER
Rodney points to the PADLOCK. He looks at Leah, bolt cutters in hand. His smug, I-told-you-so expression bothers Leah.
RODNEY
Shall we see what he’s hiding?65.
LEAH How’d you find this?
RODNEY
Place is rented in his name.LEAH
You’re not interested in justice.Like the Chief, you just want to pin this on Dino and move on.
RODNEY (mimics her voice)
‘I go where the evidence takes me.’ Everyone is wrongly accused until they aren’t. Shall we find out?
Moment later, Master lock falls to the floor.
In booties and gloves, they enter looking like doctors stepping into a surgical suite.
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SCENE 8: INT. STORAGE UNIT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney finds Dino’s knife; it’s his 3rd M. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is now wanted
3. Mystery: how’d the knife get there & Cindy’s journal 4. Villain’s plan: ties murder around Dino’s neck.INT. STORAGE UNIT – CONTINUOUS
The ten-by-thirty unit has been made into a lavish bedroom suite; something out of a racy romance novel. Or movie set.
Rodney begins taking PHOTOGRAPHS. Leah SPEAKS into a micro- cassette recorder.
And as the two move around the room, it is apparent this was a love shack.
66.
RODNEY
(shows fingerprint card)Lover boy’s?
LEAH (waves fistful of
photos)
Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. He’s posing in all of these.Leah KNEELS to inspect a silver thread that has caught her eye. She HOLDS UP a strand of grey hair for Rodney to see.
Dino’s too?
LEAH RODNEY
No, but this is. Here’s thethird M, Sinclaire. Rodney holds up a pocket knife. CLOSE ON initials: DS.
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SCENE 9: EXT/INT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – NINETY MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Rodney leads raid and lock down of Dino’s school. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might have a gun.
3. Mystery: Where is Dino?
4. Villain’s plan: working out perfectlyEXT/INT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – NINETY MINUTES LATER
We’re HOVERING above ROSEMONT HIGH, prototypical high school: utilitarian buildings, two-story gymnasium, dirt track encircling a grass, foot-ball field —
DESCENDING toward freshly re-topped PARKING LOTS.
Law enforcement VEHICLES descend upon the school: squad cars pull to a stop, blocking the entrance and exits to the student, teacher and visitors’ parking lots.
DROP DOWN TO GROUND LEVEL – find Rodney hurrying up the concrete steps to the school’s main entrance, flanked on either side by officers.
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SCENE 10: INT. SCHOOL CONCOURSE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: students video everything that happens. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might be armed 3. Mystery: where did he go
4. Villain’s plan: working to a tee.INT. SCHOOL CONCOURSE – CONTINUOUS
CAMERA pulls back. Rodney finds himself staring at dozens of STUDENTS: instantly suspicious and reaching for their cell- phones. And as video clips and texts begin, he enters.
School bell RINGS — STUDENTS SCATTER: down hallways, up staircases, piling into classrooms.
All at once empty, the concourse turns cavernous. Rodney points to the exit signs.
RODNEY No one in or out.
Uniformed officers move into position. SQUAWK of walkie- talkie begins, and we are…
============================================================
SCENE 11: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph asks Dino who wanted Cindy dead
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino’s freedom is in danger3. Mystery: Who is doing this; must figure it out
INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
Stephannie turns off the black-market, police-band radio. A party girl, she keeps tabs for obvious reasons.
STEPHANNIE I keep asking myself: Who wanted Cindy dead?
DINO Leah feels the janitor might’ve been in on it, or knows who was. He has a history of stalking. Worse, he’s a video of Cindy and I on his computer.
STEPHANNIE That mean I can find you on
Pornhub? Kidding. Mullet boy is a creeper. I can’t see him killing, not with a knife. When Jones split his head open in PE, creeper showed up with a mop. One look at the blood, he nearly hurled. Way too squeamish.
DINO Cindy told me about John Hawkins of Hawkins real estate. Guess they had a brief ‘thing.’ He got clingy, she ghosted him. According to her, he has a temper and the cigars he smokes(clicks tongue) compensation, her words.
STEPHANNIE Ew. Another Bill Clinton. This was a crime of passion. A knife, multiples stab wounds or penetrations. It was real personal. Or he’s a violent woman hater.
DINO Word’s misogynist. Thoughts on Ted?
STEPHANNIE School’s wanna’be principle. He’s a cod. Wife probably cuts the crust off his PB&Js.(sly grin) What comes after sloppy seconds, gooey thirds?
DINO STEPHANNIE Very funny. You got a burner? In the glove box.
Dino retrieves a phone and texts — typing with vengeance. =============================================================
SCENE 12: INSERT TEXT
1. Action: Dino rips into Leah re: school raid, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s now wanted APB on him3. Mystery: what changed, what new evidence came up
4. Villain’s plan: working perfectly.INSERT TEXT
“U played me twice! WTF! Flowers, a card, then u sic SWAT on me. L8R.”
BACK TO SCENE. =============================================================
SCENE 13: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph gets idea; it’s Jim; he’s a hater.
2. Life Threatening situation: He wants you in jail!
3. Mystery: why does he hates on Dino
4. Villain’s plan: ongoingDino hits send, hands Stephannie the phone, wipes his hand on his trousers as if contaminated.
Stephannie plucks out the battery and SIMM chip.
STEPHANNIE It’s someone who knows you, knows you and Cindy banged.(snaps her finger) Of course!
Stephannie takes and kisses Dino’s bruised hand.
DINO Holy shit! He loves knives and he’s always trying to get up in my business.
STEPHANNIE I’ll have Jerome dig into his social media, see what skid-mark’s been up to.
DINO D-bag’s a hater. You think he knew about me and Cindy?
STEPHANNIE (guffaws) Who didn’t.
=============================================================
SCENE 14: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah gets Dino’s text; didn’t know school raid.
2. Mystery: what happened at the school, the raid, he escaped 3. Distrust: Dino now totally distrusts her.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Leah looks up from the file she is reviewing and grabs her cell-phone off the desk. She doesn’t recognize the number.
Reading Dino’s text, the color drains from her face. Leah starts to text back, stops.
Pushing away from her desk, she walks to the Chief’s office. Her face tells us she is ready for a confrontation.
=============================================================
SCENE 15: INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah confronts Chief; he shows her photos.
2. Life Threatening situation: she could lose her job.
3. Mystery: how did she get so far off target.
4. Villain’s plan: workingINT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS Captain, on the phone, holds up a finger.
CAPTAIN You certain? Damn it! Have them check all the vehicles. Find him!
Leah takes in the conversation. Slow burn as she realizes what went down without her.
CAPTAIN (CONT’D) LEAH Detective, can I help you? Why wasn’t I included in on
the Strickland raid?
CAPTAIN (CONT’D) Stokes got a time-sensitive tip.
LEAH I worked excluded
CAPTAIN You got too close.
Captain reaches in his desk, tosses photographs across the desk.
LEAH hard on this case. To be on the arrest. It’s wrong.
LEAH I was earning his trust, sir. a drawer, pulls out several photos and the desk top.
CAPTAIN Trust, or a thrust?
Leah stares at herself hugging Dino. Second photograph, a shot of Dino’s lips on her cheek.
Leah skims the rest: aware how it looks, aware she could lose her job, aware how far from objective she has taken it.
=============================================================
SCENE 16: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino & Steph start to make out.
2. Mystery: Steph seduces Dino, why now
INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Stephannie gives the wooden door a nudge with her heel. Door closes as Dino rips the coverlet off the bed.
DUST MOTES. Dino stares at the particles, visible in shafts of sunlight STREAMING IN through a part in the curtain.
DINO You sure about this?
STEPHANNIE Stop talking before I change my mind.
DINO Seriously, for reals?
STEPHANNIE Kiss me and find out.
Stephannie takes a hip flask of whiskey from her purse.
She takes a swig — grabs Dino, shot-guns the drink — feels him SHUDDER as the whiskey burns its way through him.
STEPHANNIE Undress me.
And as her blouse FLUTTERS to the floor…
=============================================================
SCENE 17: INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney comes up w/ no Dino; pissed.
2. Mystery: where did he go, who tipped Dino off.
INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – CONTINUOUS
PAPER BANNER DROPS to the floor as Rodney takes out his frustration on a display for an upcoming assembly.
RODNEY
Wrap it up. He’s not here.He walks off, inadvertently kicks an amber-colored medicine bottle. It skitters across the floor.
Giving the pill bottle a look of disgust, Rodney walks past, exits the building.
=============================================================
SCENE 18: INT. MASTER BATHROOM – DAY
1. Action: Jim puts his bottle of oxy in medicine cabinet.
2. Life Threatening situation: for the wife, Grace
3. Mystery: why is he doing this; to get rid of her?
4. Villain’s plan: is escalating.INT. MASTER BATHROOM – DAY
CLOSE ON amber-colored pharmacy bottle.
INSERT – LABEL
“Oxycodone, 20mg.”
Take one tablet by mouth every six hours as needed for pain.”
ENTER FRAME. Man’s hand closes over the bottle. PULL BACK to reveal Jim: clean-shaven, in Dockers and long-sleeve Polo.
He gives the bottle a SHAKE, sets it on the shelf, turns it so the label is visible.
Jim leaves the bathroom and strides through the house, straight into Dino’s bedroom.
=============================================================
SCENE 19: INT. DINO’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim goes in, takes one of his black teeshirts.
2. Mystery: why one of his tee shirts
3. Villain’s plan: ongoing and evolvingINT. DINO’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
At the dresser, Jim pulls open the top drawer, begins counting tee-shirts:
JIM One, two, three, four, five…
Jim takes one of the black tee shirts and leaves. =============================================================
SCENE 20: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – DAY
1. Action: Dino and Steph making love.
2. Mystery: why now, why wait until this moment3. Villain’s plan: coming to a head
INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – DAY
We HEAR Plumb’s, “Cage” as we reveal a black tee shirt and a pair of V-string panties on the edge of the bed.
Woman’s weak-hearted protests turn into unmistakable SOUNDS of lovemaking.
SONOS BLUE TOOTH – PLUMB “…Don’t try to cage me, or save me, I am a wild thing…” WIDEN to reveal Stephannie in bed.
HOLD ON Stephannie as a mind-blowing orgasm crests — tears wetting her face, panting, chest heaving — breathing through her mouth.
=============================================================
SCENE 21: INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM – SAME
1. Action: Leah mad at herself, vows to catch killer.
2. Life Threatening situation: for Dino perhaps
3. Mystery: Cindy was framing Dino, so did she get betrayed 4. Villain’s plan: working<div>
</div>INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM – SAME
Leah looks into the MIRROR: tearing up, mad at herself.LEAH
His knife, it’s a plant! As is thejournal. Wow, I’m such an idiot.
The look of disgust turns to one of grim determination.LEAH (CONT’D)
It makes sense. She was working onan exit strategy of her own. Cindy, did you get double-crossed? Who was your accomplice?
Leah wipes her eyes, then TAPS the mirror with a fingernail as if waking a perp.
LEAH (CONT’D) I’m going to find you!
END OF PILOT
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O’Keefe – Midirects – when Appropriate !
“What I learned is — following the process has allowed me to “find” new clues, misdirects, all the elements that go into a fully-realized thriller that I would not have been smart enough to come up with without this process. I have added a number of wonderful elements that I did not think up, using my old plot and character development method.
==================================================
[I] Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection
A. The Red Herring character (school Janitor) =
(1) He is scheming for some reason other than the crime that is being investigated. He was stalking Cindy and he planted hidden cameras in her bedroom and the faculty bathroom to film her having sex w/ Dino he did it for money.
(2) He acts and reacts as if he is hiding something. Not really, he is a sociopath, so he doesn’t exhibit fear.
(3) Many clues point to his guilt. He has a record for stalking and assault, they find hidden video footage of Cindy having sex w/ Dino on his computer.
(4) We believe he is guilty. It is not until we discover the real thing they are hiding that we realize they didn’t commit the crime. The janitor’s mom, dying of cancer and needing meds is the real reason the janitor did what he did; he didn’t kill Cindy.
B. The Villain’s plan (Jim, step-dad) =
(1) First, Jim has a secret (to get the engraving plates from Dino’s biological father who is in prison)
(2) Second, he covers/hides that secret with a lie or scheme (it is covered up with a murder, clues given to detectives that point to Dino as the killer – done to force Dino’s father into divulging the engraving plates whereabouts)
(3) Third, that lie or scheme is presented to the audience as the truth or reality before we even suspect it. (We don’t see the murder; when we do, thanks to the Janitor’s hidden cameras in Cindy’s bedroom, we see a man wearing a mask. However, we do see a leather friendship bracelet on the killer’s wrist as he drives the knife into Cindy’ chest. – the exact kind Dino wears – this ties into the first ten pages where we see Dino get ready for school: he puts on his friendship bracelet and notices it is wet, he feels on top of the medicine cabinet for moisture, he smells the bracelet, makes a face and puts it on, thinks nothing of it)
C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.”
Jim, being a US Marshal, knows the law and how to hide evidence and plant evidence. He sends the homicide detectives on the case clues pointing to Dino. It is all circumstantial evidence in the beginning: photos that reveal Dino did indeed know the teacher who was killed, he was having an affair with her. Later, it is one of his tee-shirts with a drop of Cindy’s blood on it and Dino’s DNA…
——————————————————————–
[II] Look through your Thriller Map for opportunities to add in misdirection.
1. Clue Misdirection = add in for the following characters:
* Realtor’s possible involvement – his fling w/ Cindy, she dumped him, his response
* Vice Principle’s involvement – he hired Cindy, favored her, gave her top tier pay, etc
* Cindy’s dentist – no video or record of it, but he was having sex w/ Cindy too. The strand of silver hair the detective finds in Cindy’s bedroom and in the storage unit
2. Character Misdirection = add in for the following characters:
(a) A character we don’t believe who turns out to be telling the truth.
* The Janitor
* The Real Estate mogul
(b) Character(s) jumping to conclusions.
* Rodney, Leah’s partner on the case
* Leah, wanting to find the real killer, knows (in her heart) it is not Dino
(c) Characters intentions are misunderstood.
* The Janitor’s involvement – he is doing what he is doing to get money to buy his mom’s cancer medications.
* The school’s vice principle – he helps Cindy because she looks like a niece of his that was killed in a car wreck – Leah figures it out seeing the photo on the VP’s desk… She puts two and two together – does the research, figures out who the girl is, she looks a LOT like Cindy.
(d) Character presented as one thing, but turns out to be another.
* Real estate mogul – presented as rich, well dressed, well mannered, a real pillar of the community. Turns out he is a pathological liar, an egomaniac who sees himself as the victim, someone who tries to help the less fortunate – when the opposite is the truth.
3. Dialogue Misdirection =
* Janitor’s speech, knows more than he lets on, speaks in what-ifs uses allegory – what he says has hidden meaning with moral significance.
* Real Estate mogul’s speech – short sentences, accusatory, he tells Rodney about being meeting with Cindy (lie, he ran her off the road) he says he was beaten up by one of Cindy’s fuck buddies. “I don’t know, he wore a mask. Sucker-punched me (a lie, he got his ass beat fair-n-square) “told me to stay the fuck out of her life or else. He pointed a gun in my face (a lie) Said if he ever saw me near Cindy again, he would put that gun in my mouth and blow my fucking head off. (lie) “I never saw the crazy bitch again.”
4. Writer Misdirection = There is none in the script at this point. Must look into this!
[III] Decide on the ones that work and add them to the Thriller Map.
I am going to incorporate all of them!
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DAY TWELVE ASSIGNMENT
O’Keefe – Gives Great Clues
What I learned from this assignment? First, it helped me to see where I can tie the clues, bread crumbs, Easter eggs into the script, how I can use clues to mislead the characters and my audience into thinking a certain way about a character. Second, it allows me to have other characters agree/disagree with the assessment based upon what they know or have seen or heard about the person under suspicion.
I. List out the three or four mysteries of your story.
1. Who killed Cindy, the Spanish teacher?
2. Who is framing Dino for Cindy’s murder and what’s his motive?
3. Why does the homicide detective, believe Dino when evidence says otherwise.
II. Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries.
1. Who killed Cindy, the Spanish teacher?
A. The school janitor, Justin, who used to lust after Cindy in school.
1. He has a police record for stalking and assault
2. He is very good with audio/video equipment
3. the police discover hidden cam videos of Cindy on his computer
4. He sold revenge porn footage of Cindy & Dino having sex on the Internet.
B. The school Vice Principle, Ted, who got frisky w/ Cindy at a faculty party.
1. He was the one who hired Cindy for the position.
2. He authorized her pay, highest pay band as possible.
3. She was Ted’s favorite, the other teachers saw this.
4. Cindy got the newest and latest equipment for her classroom.
5. Receipt from local florist for flowers delivered to Cindy at school.
C. The local real estate mogul, Hawkins, had a brief affair with Cindy.
1. He was generous, but possessive, demanding turned to clingy.
2. Cindy ghosted Mr. Hawkins, who got mad: sent threatening emails/texts
3. Cindy told Dino that Mr. Hawkins was stalking her, she was afraid of him.
4. Cindy & Dino set a trap for him; at the place Cindy & Dino first kissed.
a. Hawkins follows Cindy’s Camaro, she pulls into the spot.
b. Hawkins get out of SUV, marches over, pounds on her window.
c. Dino jumps out of hiding and beats Hawkins’ ass, they leave
d. Dino flattens his front two tires
5. Mad, Hawkins yells: “I’m going to kill you, you dirty whore. You hear me!”
2. Who is framing Dino for Cindy’s murder and what’s his motive?
A. It could be the school Janitor as he is jealous, he put out a sex tape of them
1. he did it for the $, his mother’s got cancer, meds cost
2. he didn’t do it because he was jealous Dino was w/ Cindy
3. In fact, we learn via Dino, that he helped the janitor one day at school
a. school bully came up started shaming the janitor
b. Dino went up and stopped the bully
B. It could be Hawkins, he found out who Cindy was with, who beat his ass.
1. Hawkins did spy on Cindy, have a detective dig up dirt on her.
2. He even sent photos of her w/ Dino to her school
a. Ted, VP, intercepted the mail, he picked up principle’s mail
b. he found the photos, read the note, burned them; his look tells us
C. It could be Ted, because after he saw the photos of Cindy & Dino, he hates Dino
1. Ted calls Dino into his office over every late, every missed class, etc.
2. Ted is going to run Dino out of their school.
3. Dino’s fight w/ Bruce in the cafeteria gives him “reason” to expel Dino
D. Dino is railroaded out of school
3. Why does the homicide detective, believe Dino when evidence says otherwise.
A. In spying on Dino, she sees Dino at Cindy’s grave, alone, crying, flowers in hand.
B. Dino is honest about his affair w/ Cindy; tells detective everything.
1. Dino was ashamed of himself, but wanted, needed her affection.
2. She made him feel sleezy, but it was better than what he felt at home.
3. He started seeing Cindy when he was fifteen years old, she was his first.
C. The “evidence” the detective is receiving & the anonymous tips are the real clue
1. she and the police are being played
D. The evidence framing Dino has an ulterior motive, one they need to find.
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DAY 10 ASSIGNMENT
O’Keefe – Trust Relationships
What I learned from this assignment? It helped me to consider the viewpoints of the other characters as it pertains to the interactions of the other characters. It allows me to find points trust, distrust and how those in turn can create mystery and intrigue.
Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.
[I] Make a list of the main characters.
(1) Hero: Dino
a. basic state – trustworthy
b. may not appear trustable but truly is trustworthy
c. circumstance that might cause him to change – protecting his friends
(2) Villain: Jim
a. basic state – not trustworthy
b. may appear trustable but truly is not trustworthy
c. circumstance that might cause him to change – personal gain
(3) Red Herring Character: Janitor
a. basic state – trustworthy
b. may not appear trustable but is basically trustworthy
c. circumstance that might cause him to change – fear of jail
(4) Love Interest: Leah, detective on the case
a. basic state – very trustworthy
b. appears trustable and is truly trustworthy
c. circumstance that might cause her to change – arresting Dino for a crime he didn’t do.
II. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.
(1) Hero / Villain – too much bad blood over the years; never be any trust between them
(2) Hero / Red Herring Character: Hero helped the janitor at school, didn’t have to
(3) Hero/ Love Interest: distrust might occur if Dino lies or hides his past from her.
(4) Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t be: when it comes to his father’s past & that business
(5) Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be: He is not trusted by Detective Rodney and police chief
III. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship add that to your map.
Dino – Hero / Jim – Antagonist
1. TRUST: Dino trusts Jim will do whatever he can to upset and antagonize him.
2. DISTRUST: Dino distrusts Jim with anything having to do with his father’s past.
3. TRUST: Dino expects Jim to throw him out of the house on his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday.
4. DISTRUST: Jim knows Dino and his dad have secrets & he hates Dino for it.
5. TRUST: Jim trusts Dino to chase after the pretty detective, so he uses her to get Dino.
6. DISTRUST: Jim feeds clues to the detective(s) implicating Dino, he doesn’t trust them
7. TRUST: Dino trusts in Jim’s greed to get the best of him and it does, allowing Dino in.
8. DISTRUST: Jim doesn’t trust Dino; double-crosses him at the exchange place.
9. TRUST: Dino trusts Jim to brag about the murders to him; he does; it’s recorded.
10. DISTRUST: Jim distrusts Dino; ties him to chair when he leaves the cabin.
Dino – Hero / Leah – Love Interest
1. TRUST: Dino trusts Leah upon meeting her. She is smart and sexy.
2. DISTRUST: Leah distrusts him; he’s a player, he’s got felon for a dad.
3. TRUST: Dino trusts Leah will try to find out who killed Cindy.
4. DISTRUST: Dino learns she lied to him about her name and job upon meeting him.
5. TRUST: Dino trusts her the night she comes to him naked and w/ nothing to hide.
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O’Keefe – Twists & Turns – Day 9
DAY NINE – ASSIGNMENT
[1] What I learned doing this assignment is how each step, each layer helps bring the plot, characterization, even dialogue together in a fluid and seemingly organic manner. I agree with David, much easier to use this process before, not after you have written a script.
[II] Build Twists throughout your story. (see below)
ACT ONE pg. 01
Scene 1: INT. CAMARO – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino in Cindy’s car having sex.
2. Life Threatening situation: they could be caught by cops
3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair a student?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
Twist 1:
Direction: Two people having sex in a car
Twist: she takes off wedding ring, sets it on dash – #11 Just got more dangerous
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SCENE 2: EXT. CINDY’S HOME – NIGHT (24 HOURS EARLIER)
1. Action: Cindy is being spied on by 2 different men.
2. Life Threatening situation: one man has a knife, the other hidden cameras in her bedroom. 3. Mystery: why did man w/ knife plant a candy wrapper. Why does the second man have hidden cameras in Cindy’s bedroom.
4. Villain’s plan: man w/ knife is leaving clues to be found.
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SCENE 3: INT. CAMARO – RESUME
1. Action: Dino & Cindy talk after sex; he’s her side piece.
2. Life Threatening situation: Cindy’s hubby shoots Dino.
3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair w/ her student?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 4: NIGHTMARE INT. BEDROOM – NEXT MORNING
1. Action: Dino is being threatened by man w/a gun.
2. Life Threatening situation: Might be shot
3. Mystery: who is the man and why that dream?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 5: INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino is awakened by step-dad pounding on door.
2. Life Threatening situation: Threat of physical harm.
3. Mystery: Why the hostility.
4. Villain’s plan: NA – reveal Jim’s hatred of step-son.
—————————-
SCENE 6: INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino grooms himself, gets ready for school.
2. Life Threatening situation: none
3. Mystery: what’s the bracelet have to do w/ his gramps?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 7: EXT. BACK PORCH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino takes memory chip from nanny cam & leaves. 2. Life Threatening situation: riding that bike in am traffic
3. Mystery: What is with the nanny cam?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 8: INT. MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Step-dad points pretend gun at Dino as he leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: intended harm to Dino
3. Mystery: What is the “surprise” he has in store for Dino.
4. Villain’s plan = some kind of nasty surprise
Twist 2:
Direction: Step dad watches Dino ride off on his Ducati
Twist: Step dad points pretend gun at Dino – #10 step dad’s evil side
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SCENE 9: EXT. LIVINGSTON – MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Dino riding his Ducati to school.
2. Life Threatening situation: car runs a stop sign.
3. Mystery: why does he ride that bike.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 10: EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino weaves thru traffic, parks the bike.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why does he ride so reckless.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 11: EXT/INT. CLASSROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino meets new teacher; Cindy’s gone. Guilt!
2. Life Threatening situation: They know; he’ll be expelled
3. Mystery: why the new teacher won’t elaborate
4. Villain’s plan: NA
Twist 3:
Direction: Dino goes to call it off; finds Cindy is gone; replaced
Twist: Dino did not expect this – #8 the affair, a mistake haunts them
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SCENE 12: INSERT – NEWSPAPER STREAMER
1. Action: Mrs. Lozano Murdered! Husband Finds Body In Bed 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might be next
3. Mystery: who killed her and why
4. Villain’s plan: NA
Twist 4:
Direction: Dino reads newspaper, learns Cindy’s been murdered
Twist: not fired; killed- #13 she’s murdered – worst possible thing happens
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SCENE 13: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Stunned, Dino winds up at his book locker
2. Life Threatening situation: a suspect,
3. Mystery: Why was she murdered.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 14: FLASHBACK – INT. CAMARO – LAST NIGHT
1. Action: Cindy pulls up to a store; Dino kids with her.
2. Life Threatening situation: none
3. Mystery: what is the pain they share, that links them.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 15: INSERT – TEXT
1. Action: Dino texts Steph, ‘can’t do school. CYL8ER’.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s a possible suspect
3. Mystery: who killed Cindy and when, after Dino saw her.
4. Villain’s plan: NA (is this the surprise Jim hinted at)
—————————-
SCENE 16: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Introduce Leah, Detective on Cindy’s murder.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: not one yet for her
4. Villain’s plan: now in motion
Twist 5:
Direction: Detective on a new case,
Twist: clues left for her in an envelope – #7 new options emerge
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SCENE 17: INSERT – PHOTOGRAPHS
1. Action: Opens envelope w/ photos of Dino & Cindy together. 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Who is the boy w/ the murder vic?
4. Villain’s plan: Get Leah to investigate Dino; frame him.
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SCENE 18: EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – MID-MORNING
1. Action: Dino parks where Cindy parked last night.
2. Life Threatening situation: possible suspect in murder.
3. Mystery: retraces steps to see if he’s on a camera
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 19: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Dino’s recall of times w/ Cindy.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: the good times are gone, like they never were
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 20: INTERCUT: STEPH, GIRL’S LOCKER ROOM; DINO, HIS BIKE
1. Action: Steph calls; says she’s sorry; meet up for lunch
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Who killed Cindy
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 21: INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
1. Action: Leah calls Rodney, tells him she has a lead.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is this Dino person & did he do it.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 22: EXT. POLICE STATION – PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah gets on her blue Ducati and leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding a motorcycle
3. Mystery: who is Dino and what is his relationship with Cindy
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 23: EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Dino straddling his red Ducati on the phone.
2. Life Threatening situation: left semen in Cindy’s car.
3. Mystery: who did it; he fears he is a suspect.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 24: INSERT – FOLDED SHEET OF PAPER
1. Action: Dino makes paper airplane out of exam & flies it.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: his comment reflects his fear and feelings.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 25: EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah follows Dino on bike to pizza place.
2. Life Threatening situation: his reckless driving.
3. Mystery: How does he not have any speeding tickets.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
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SCENE 26: EXT/INT. PIZZA PARLOR – LUNCH
1. Action: Leah parks, follows Dino in, sees the gang.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why does he give Steph & Jerome $
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 27: EXT. PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah introduces herself; Dino flirts.
2. Life Threatening situation: he wants to take her racing.
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 28: EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY – LATER
1. Action: Dino sees Leah following; loses her, pulls off.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is she really?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 29: INTERCUT: DINO, ON DUCATI; JEROME, HIS CAR.
1. Action: Dino calls Jerome, gives him her license plate.
2. Life Threatening situation:
3. Mystery: who is she really?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 30: INT. VISITATION ROOM – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Luke talk using memories as a code.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their code for communicating via memories
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and eavesdropping on them.
—————————-
SCENE 31: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Jim reviews the recording, wants engraving plates.
2. Life Threatening situation: For Leah, if she keeps snooping into his affairs
3. Mystery: why the obsession
4. Villain’s plan: Make Luke give him the engraving plates.
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SCENE 32: EXT. FEDERAL PENITENTIARY – PARKING LOT – LATER
1. Action: Dino hears back from Jerome; Leah’s a detective.
2. Life Threatening situation: fear of incarceration.
3. Mystery: how did she find him so fast?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and unfolding; Dino’s a suspect
Twist 6:
Direction: Dino does not expect the girl to be a detective
Twist: potential date is a cop – #5 a lie is discovered – her name is Leah, not Maria
—————————-
SCENE 33: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – 5PM
1. Action: Dino rides up, Leah’s waiting, ride off together.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding across town w/ him.
3. Mystery: there are 3 other men Cindy told Dino about.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing; Dino is now on their radar as a suspect.
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SCENE 34: EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING
1. Action: Dino races across town; Leah follows.
2. Life Threatening situation: his driving.
3. Mystery: why so reckless.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 35: EXT. RACE TRACK ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino opens gate, goes onto the track.
2. Life Threatening situation: they are about to race.
3. Mystery: Why does he want to drag race,
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 36: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Leah & Dino racing.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing their bikes
3. Mystery: why race, what’s it prove
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 37: EXT. RACE TRACK – LATER
1. Action: shows Dino winning every race.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing
3. Mystery: why he is so crazy reckless
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 38: EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
1. Action: Dino drives out to Mtn. cabin, Leah follows.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why did he bring her; what are his intentions
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 39: EXT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino parks, Leah parks; tells her they’re friends.
2. Life Threatening situation: alone w/ a murder suspect.
3. Mystery: why are they there.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 40: EXT. TRAIL – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino takes her up to the lake & water falls.
2. Life Threatening situation: ongoing
3. Mystery: Dino shows her the lake and water falls
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
Twist 7:
Direction: Leah does not expect Dino to be so open, honest, romantic
Twist: He takes her to mtns, shows her a waterfall & rainbow #10 unexpected side of someone
—————————-
SCENE 41: EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino points to falls, strips and swims off.
2. Life Threatening situation: awkward, he’s naked, might get hypothermia
3. Mystery: why go to the falls naked.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
====================================================================
ACT TWO page 22
SCENE 1: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – BASE OF THE FALLS – LATER
1. Action: Leah helps Dino out of lake water.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: see this rainbow Dino’s talking about
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 2: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – CONTINUOUS
1. Actions: Dino leads the way in behind the waterfall.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah slips, almost falls
3. Mystery: this rainbow of Dino’s
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 3: INT. CAVE – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Leah talk re: life, goals, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: she sees the ax
3. Mystery: this cave from his childhood
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 4: INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM -DAY
1. Action: Steph lies to cop taking her statement re: Dino.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why is she here
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 5: INT. VIEWING BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah watches Steph play the cop, gets pissed.
2. Life Threatening situation: she alibi’s Dino off
3. Mystery: How she knows Leah’s name.
4. Villain’s plan
Twist 8:
Direction: Leah interrogates Steph re: Dino, Steph reveals her name
Twist: Steph knows her name #12 – secret identity uncovered.
—————————-
SCENE 6: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah enters, Steph warns her re: Dino and love.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: How Steph knows her name
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing.
—————————-
SCENE 7: INT. POLICE CHIEF’S OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Leah tells Chief, she has a suspect.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 8: INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – NOON
1. Action: Bruce hits Steph, Dino floors him, leaves w/ her.
2. Life Threatening situation: fight could escalate to guns
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: NA
Twist 9:
Direction: Leah interrogates Steph re: Dino, Steph reveals her name
Twist: boy punches girl in face #10 – unexpected side of someone
—————————-
SCENE 9: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Leah & Dino argue re: Cindy, Leah’s lie, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: did Dino know who she was from the start
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
=====================================================================
ACT THREE page 31
SCENE 1: INT. CHARGER – EARLIER IN THE DAY
1. Action: Dino treats Steph’s wound, needs stitches.
2. Life Threatening situation: subdural hematoma
3. Mystery: their bond, friendship but not amorous
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 2: INT. DIRTY BOURBON – LATER
1. Action: Leah introduces herself. Show’s Dino’s photo.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino was there and with whom
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 3: INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah & owner talk re: Dino and last Wednesday.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino comes in, just to dance?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 4: INT. BOWLING ALLEY – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Steph & Jerome talk re: Dino & her and life.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Dino handles life’s problems w/ sex.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 5: EXT/INT. THOMAS RESIDENCE – LATER
1. Action: Leah calls on Grace, Dino’s mom.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Mom’s relationship w/ her son, Dino & husband, Jim
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 6: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches them via hidden camera.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah is in his sights
3. Mystery: How does Jim know Dino’s been w/ Cindy.
4. Villain’s plan: will keep feeding Leah clues
—————————-
SCENE 7: INSERT – NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS
1. Action: Shows Dino’s Dad’s capture and imprisonment.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is he keeping them
4. Villain’s plan: to get Luke to hand over the plates.
—————————-
SCENE 8: INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah tells Grace about Dino’s affair w/ Cindy
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: How did Jim know Dino was w/ Cindy.
4. Villain’s plan: feed Leah more clues re: Dino.
—————————-
SCENE 9: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches, says something cryptic
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: ongoing
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 10: EXT. BAR – PARKING LOT – SAT. NIGHT (FEB 10TH)
1. Action: Leah rides up, asks Dino to go eat w/ him.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their chemistry and attraction
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 11: EXT. ACROSS THE STREET – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: We see a dark sedan
2. Life Threatening situation: someone watching them
3. Mystery: Who are they watching: Dino or Leah
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 12: INT. SEDAN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney w/ camera captures Leah & Dino together. 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why she is getting so close to him
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
Twist 10:
Direction: Rodney is spying on his partner, not Dino
Twist: Rodney and Leah should be a team #3 Someone changes sides
—————————-
SCENE 13: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Dino’s erratic behavior & dangerous stunts.
2. Life Threatening situation: his driving
3. Mystery: Why he drives like that
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 14: EXT. DINO’S HOUSE – BACK PORCH – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino parks bike; Jim comes out, drunk, mad etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: Jim tries to hit Dino
3. Mystery: why drunk;
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
Twist 11:
Direction: Dino tries to avoid his drunk step-dad, Leah sees it all
Twist: Dino kisses Leah after the altercation #4 A new problem occurs
==================================================================
ACT FOUR page 43
SCENE 1: MONTAGE – LEAH & DINO OUT ON THE TOWN
1. Action: caring, gentle side of Dino is revealed.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their chemistry
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 2: INT. SCHOOL – MORNING (MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH)
1. Action: Steph reads Dino riot act for being w/ Leah.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: her anger, then kissing him, conflicted
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 3: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah tells Rodney she has 3 suspects via Dino.
2. Life Threatening situation: her involvement w/ Dino
3. Mystery: Rodney can’t figure out why
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing, working
Twist 12:
Direction: Leah confronts her partner re: photos of her
Twist: he did it at the behest of the Chief #9 A trust is violated.
—————————-
SCENE 4: FLASHBACK – CEMETERY – MORNING
1. Action: Leah spying on Dino, sees him cry at Cindy’s grave 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: NA
—————————-
SCENE 5: INT. POLICE STATION – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney gives Leah file on Dino re: a shooting.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino was shot
3. Mystery: why did the man accuse Dino; then recant
4. Villain’s plan: Ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 6: EXT. FOOD TRUCK – NOON (TUES. FEB 13TH)
1. Action: Leah & Dino talk; she brings up Lorraine, he goes
2. Life Threatening situation: He is being framed for murder
3. Mystery: Why won’t he talk to her about Lorraine, leaves
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
Twist 13:
Direction: Leah confronts Dino re: Lorraine
Twist: he freaks, he leaves; doesn’t answer her #4 a new problem occurs
—————————-
SCENE 7: INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
1. Action: upset, Leah calls Dino while lying in bed.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is upset, volatile
3. Mystery: Lorraine and that situation
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 8: INTERCUT: LEAH IN BED; DINO STANDING WITH HIS BIKE
1. Action: talk re: suspects, video of Dino & Cindy…
2. Life Threatening situation:
3. Mystery: he flies a paper plane w/ Cindy’s photo in it
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
===================================================================
ACT FIVE page 51
SCENE 1: FLASHBACK – FONDUE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino tells Leah why he hates “goodbye”
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: he equates the word goodbye w/ death.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 2: EXT. MOUNTAIN MEADOW – VALENTINE’S DAY
1. Action: Leah spying on Dino; he’s asleep.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why is Dino there alone, sleeping
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 3: INT. CRV – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah has flower bouquet for him in car.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino is there alone on his b-day.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 4: EXT. MEADOW – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah walks over, sets flowers by Dino & leaves
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: her feelings for him
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 5: INT/EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – LATER
1. Action: Steph calls tell Dino cops coming, get to her car
2. Life Threatening situation: cops come to arrest Dino
3. Mystery: why, what has changed? New evidence.
4. Villain’s plan: he has gives them more clues against Dino.
Twist 14:
Direction: cops descend on Dino’s school;
Twist: Steph rescues Dino, they leave in her car #13 Worst thing possible happens
—————————-
SCENE 6: INT. CHARGER – MINUTE LATER
1. Action: Dino ducks down, Steph leaves, turns his cell off
2. Life Threatening situation
3. Mystery
4. Villain’s plan
—————————-
SCENE 7: INT. STORAGE UNIT – TWO HOURS EARLIER
1. Action: Rodney & Leah enter: find photos, evidence.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why did Dino have this place
4. Villain’s plan: new clues tie murder to Dino
Twist 15:
Direction: Leah & Dino go and investigate a storage unit
Twist: find a bedroom setup, porn-like Dino’s pics #4 A new problem occurs
—————————-
SCENE 8: INT. STORAGE UNIT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney finds Dino’s knife; it’s his 3rd M.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is now wanted
3. Mystery: how’d the knife get there & Cindy’s journal
4. Villain’s plan: ties murder around Dino’s neck.
—————————-
SCENE 9: EXT/INT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – NINETY MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Rodney leads raid and lock down of Dino’s school. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might have a gun.
3. Mystery: Where is Dino?
4. Villain’s plan: working out perfectly
—————————-
SCENE 10: INT. SCHOOL CONCOURSE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: students video everything that happens.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might be armed
3. Mystery: where did he go
4. Villain’s plan: working to a tee.
—————————-
SCENE 11: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph asks Dino who wanted Cindy dead
2. Life Threatening situation: he is now wanted for her murder
3. Mystery: who is behind it
4. Villain’s plan: he has upped his game
—————————-
SCENE 12: INSERT TEXT
1. Action: Dino rips into Leah re: school raid, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s now wanted APB on him
3. Mystery: what changed, what new evidence came up
4. Villain’s plan: working perfectly.
—————————-
SCENE 13: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph gets idea; it’s Jim; he’s a hater.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why does he hates on Dino
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
—————————-
SCENE 14: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah gets Dino’s text; didn’t know school raid.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: what happened at the school, the raid, he escaped
4. Villain’s plan: working perfectly.
—————————-
SCENE 15: INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah confronts Chief; he shows her photos.
2. Life Threatening situation: she could lose her job.
3. Mystery: how did she get so far off target.
4. Villain’s plan: working
—————————-
SCENE 16: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino & Steph start to make out.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Steph seduces Dino, why now
4. Villain’s plan: working
—————————-
SCENE 17: INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney comes up w/ no Dino; pissed.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: where did he go, who tipped Dino off.
4. Villain’s plan: working
—————————-
SCENE 18: INT. MASTER BATHROOM – DAY
1. Action: Jim puts his bottle of oxy in medicine cabinet.
2. Life Threatening situation: for the wife, Grace
3. Mystery: why is he doing this; to get rid of her?
4. Villain’s plan: is escalating,
Twist 16:
Direction: Jim puts the narcotics in the medicine cabinet
Twist: does it to entice Grace; get her to OD #9 A trust is violated
—————————-
SCENE 19: INSERT – LABEL
“Oxycodone, 20 mg. Take one tablet by mouth every six hrs…
—————————-
SCENE 20: INT. DINO’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim goes in, takes one of his black teeshirts.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why one of his tee shirts
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and evolving
—————————-
SCENE 21: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – DAY
1. Action: Dino and Steph making love.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why now, why wait until this moment
4. Villain’s plan: coming to a head
—————————-
SCENE 22: INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM – SAME
1. Action: Leah mad at herself, vows to catch killer.
2. Life Threatening situation: for Dino perhaps
3. Mystery: Cindy was framing Dino, so did she get betrayed
4. Villain’s plan: working
—————————-
END OF PILOT PAGE 59
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O’Keefe’s – Thriller Plot!
What I learned? I learned how this layering process enables you to keep each element separate and to tweak or add elements scene by scene. I still do not feel I have a real solid handle on the mystery aspect. Need to work on that
DAY EIGHT – ASSIGNMENT
[1] List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with. Five act structure (see below)
[2] Inside your structure, fill in the gaps with: (1) Life Threatening situations (2) Mysteries (3) Villain’s plan (see below)
ACT ONE pg. 01
Scene 1: INT. CAMARO – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino in Cindy’s car having sex.
2. Life Threatening situation: they could be caught by cops
3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair a student?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 2: EXT. CINDY’S HOME – NIGHT (24 HOURS EARLIER)
1. Action: Cindy is being spied on by 2 different men.
2. Life Threatening situation: one man has a knife, the other hidden cameras in her bedroom. 3. Mystery: why did man w/ knife plant a candy wrapper. Why does the second man have hidden cameras in Cindy’s bedroom.
4. Villain’s plan: man w/ knife is leaving clues to be found.
SCENE 3: INT. CAMARO – RESUME
1. Action: Dino & Cindy talk after sex; he’s her side piece.
2. Life Threatening situation: Cindy’s hubby shoots Dino.
3. Mystery: Why is Cindy having an affair w/ her student?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 4: NIGHTMARE INT. BEDROOM – NEXT MORNING
1. Action: Dino is being threatened by man w/a gun.
2. Life Threatening situation: Might be shot
3. Mystery: who is the man and why that dream?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 5: INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino is awakened by step-dad pounding on door.
2. Life Threatening situation: Threat of physical harm.
3. Mystery: Why the hostility.
4. Villain’s plan: NA – reveal Jim’s hatred of step-son.
SCENE 6: INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino grooms himself, gets ready for school.
2. Life Threatening situation: none
3. Mystery: what’s the bracelet have to do w/ his gramps?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 7: EXT. BACK PORCH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino takes memory chip from nanny cam & leaves. 2. Life Threatening situation: riding that bike in am traffic
3. Mystery: What is with the nanny cam?
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 8: INT. MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Step-dad points pretend gun at Dino as he leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: intended harm to Dino
3. Mystery: What is the “surprise” he has in store for Dino.
4. Villain’s plan = some kind of nasty surprise
SCENE 9: EXT. LIVINGSTON – MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Dino riding his Ducati to school.
2. Life Threatening situation: car runs a stop sign.
3. Mystery: why does he ride that bike.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 10: EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino weaves thru traffic, parks the bike.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why does he ride so reckless.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 11: EXT/INT. CLASSROOM – MORNING
1. Action: Dino meets new teacher; Cindy’s gone. Guilt!
2. Life Threatening situation: They know; he’ll be expelled
3. Mystery: why the new teacher won’t elaborate
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 12: INSERT – NEWSPAPER STREAMER
1. Action: Mrs. Lozano Murdered! Husband Finds Body In Bed 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might be next
3. Mystery: who killed her and why
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 13: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Stunned, Dino winds up at his book locker
2. Life Threatening situation: a suspect,
3. Mystery: Why was she murdered.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 14: FLASHBACK – INT. CAMARO – LAST NIGHT
1. Action: Cindy pulls up to a store; Dino kids with her.
2. Life Threatening situation: none
3. Mystery: what is the pain they share, that links them.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
BACK TO PRESENT.
SCENE 15: INSERT – TEXT
1. Action: Dino texts Steph, ‘can’t do school. CYL8ER’.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s a possible suspect
3. Mystery: who killed Cindy and when, after Dino saw her.
4. Villain’s plan: NA (is this the surprise Jim hinted at)
SCENE 16: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Meet Leah, Detective on Cindy’s murder.
2. Life Threatening situation:NA
3. Mystery: not one yet for her
4. Villain’s plan: in motion
SCENE 17: INSERT – PHOTOGRAPHS
1. Action: Opens envelope w/ photos of Dino & Cindy together. 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Who is the boy w/ the murder vic?
4. Villain’s plan: Get Leah to investigate Dino; frame him.
SCENE 18: EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – MID-MORNING
1. Action: Dino parks where Cindy parked last night.
2. Life Threatening situation: possible suspect in murder.
3. Mystery: retraces steps to see if he’s on a camera
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 19: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Dino’s recall of times w/ Cindy.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: the good times are gone, like they never were
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 20: INTERCUT: STEPH, GIRL’S LOCKER ROOM; DINO, HIS BIKE
1. Action: Steph calls; says she’s sorry; meet up for lunch
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Who killed Cindy
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 21: INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
1. Action: Leah calls Rodney, tells him she has a lead.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is this Dino person & did he do it.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 22: EXT. POLICE STATION – PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah gets on her blue Ducati and leaves.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding a motorcycle
3. Mystery: who is Dino and what is his relationship with Cindy
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 23: EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Dino straddling his red Ducati on the phone.
2. Life Threatening situation: left semen in Cindy’s car.
3. Mystery: who did it; he fears he is a suspect.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 24: INSERT – FOLDED SHEET OF PAPER
1. Action: Dino makes paper airplane out of exam & flies it.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: his comment reflects his fear and feelings.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 25: EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah follows Dino on bike to pizza place.
2. Life Threatening situation: his reckless driving.
3. Mystery: How does he not have any speeding tickets.
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 26: EXT/INT. PIZZA PARLOR – LUNCH
1. Action: Leah parks, follows Dino in, sees the gang.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why does he give Steph & Jerome $
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 27: EXT. PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah introduces herself; Dino flirts.
2. Life Threatening situation: he wants to take her racing.
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 28: EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY – LATER
1. Action: Dino sees Leah following; loses her, pulls off.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is she really?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 29: INTERCUT: DINO, ON DUCATI; JEROME, HIS CAR.
1. Action: Dino calls Jerome, gives him her license plate.
2. Life Threatening situation:
3. Mystery: who is she really?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 30: INT. VISITATION ROOM – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Luke talk using memories as a code.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their code for communicating via memories
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and eavesdropping on them.
SCENE 31: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Jim reviews the recording, wants engraving plates.
2. Life Threatening situation: For Leah, if she keeps snooping into his affairs
3. Mystery: why the obsession
4. Villain’s plan: Make Luke give him the engraving plates.
SCENE 32: EXT. FEDERAL PENITENTIARY – PARKING LOT – LATER
1. Action: Dino hears back from Jerome; Leah’s a detective.
2. Life Threatening situation: fear of incarceration.
3. Mystery: how did she find him so fast?
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and unfolding; Dino’s a suspect
SCENE 33: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – 5PM
1. Action: Dino rides up, Leah’s waiting, ride off together.
2. Life Threatening situation: riding across town w/ him.
3. Mystery: there are 3 other men Cindy told Dino about.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing; Dino is now on their radar.
SCENE 34: EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING
1. Action: Dino races across town; Leah follows.
2. Life Threatening situation: his driving.
3. Mystery: why so reckless.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 35: EXT. RACE TRACK ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino opens gate, goes onto the track.
2. Life Threatening situation: they are about to race.
3. Mystery: Why does he want to drag race,
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 36: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Leah & Dino racing.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing their bikes
3. Mystery: why race, what’s it prove
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 37: EXT. RACE TRACK – LATER
1. Action: shows Dino winning every race.
2. Life Threatening situation: racing
3. Mystery: why he is so crazy reckless
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 38: EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
1. Action: Dino drives out to Mtn. cabin, Leah follows.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why did he bring her; what are his intentions
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 39: EXT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino parks, Leah parks; tells her they’re friends.
2. Life Threatening situation: alone w/ a murder suspect.
3. Mystery: why are they there.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 40: EXT. TRAIL – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino takes her up to the lake & water falls.
2. Life Threatening situation: ongoing
3. Mystery: Dino shows her the lake and water falls
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 41: EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino points to falls, strips and swims off.
2. Life Threatening situation: awkward, he’s naked, might get hypothermia
3. Mystery: why go to the falls naked.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
====================================================================
ACT TWO page 22
SCENE 1: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – BASE OF THE FALLS – LATER
1. Action: Leah helps Dino out of lake water.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: see this rainbow Dino’s talking about
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 2: EXT. ROCK LEDGE – CONTINUOUS
1. Actions: Dino leads the way in behind the waterfall.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah slips, almost falls
3. Mystery: this rainbow of Dino’s
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 3: INT. CAVE – LATER
1. Action: Dino & Leah talk re: life, goals, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: she sees the ax
3. Mystery: this cave from his childhood
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 4: INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM -DAY
1. Action: Steph lies to cop taking her statement re: Dino.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why is she here
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 5: INT. VIEWING BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah watches Steph play the cop, gets pissed.
2. Life Threatening situation: she alibi’s Dino off
3. Mystery: How she knows Leah’s name.
4. Villain’s plan
SCENE 6: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah enters, Steph warns her re: Dino and love.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: How Steph knows her name
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing.
SCENE 7: INT. POLICE CHIEF’S OFFICE – LATER
1. Action: Leah tells Chief, she has a suspect.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 8: INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – NOON
1. Action: Bruce hits Steph, Dino floors him, leaves w/ her.
2. Life Threatening situation: fight could escalate to guns
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: NA
SCENE 9: EXT. PIZZA PARLOR PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Leah & Dino argue re: Cindy, Leah’s lie, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: did Dino know who she was from the start
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
=====================================================================
ACT THREE page 31
SCENE 1: INT. CHARGER – EARLIER IN THE DAY
1. Action: Dino treats Steph’s wound, needs stitches.
2. Life Threatening situation: subdural hematoma
3. Mystery: their bond, friendship but not amorous
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 2: INT. DIRTY BOURBON – LATER
1. Action: Leah introduces herself. Show’s Dino’s photo.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino was there and with whom
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 3: INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah & owner talk re: Dino and last Wednesday.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino comes in
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 4: INT. BOWLING ALLEY – AFTERNOON
1. Action: Steph & Jerome talk re: Dino & her and life.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Dino handles life’s problems w/ sex.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 5: EXT/INT. THOMAS RESIDENCE – LATER
1. Action: Leah calls on Grace, Dino’s mom.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Mom’s relationship w/ Dino & Jim
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 6: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches them via hidden camera.
2. Life Threatening situation: Leah is in his sights
3. Mystery: How does Jim know Dino’s been w/ Cindy.
4. Villain’s plan: will keep feeding Leah clues
SCENE 7: INSERT – NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS
1. Action: Shows Dino’s Dad’s capture and imprisonment.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: who is he keeping them
4. Villain’s plan: to get Luke to hand over the plates.
SCENE 8: INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah tells Grace about Dino’s affair w/ Cindy
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: How did Jim know Dino was w/ Cindy.
4. Villain’s plan: feed Leah more clues re: Dino.
SCENE 9: INT. CUBBY-HOLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim watches, says something cryptic
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: ongoing
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 10: EXT. BAR – PARKING LOT – SAT. NIGHT (FEB 10TH)
1. Action: Leah rides up, asks Dino to go eat w/ him.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their chemistry and attraction
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 11: EXT. ACROSS THE STREET – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: We see a dark sedan
2. Life Threatening situation: someone watching them
3. Mystery: Who are they watching: Dino or Leah
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 12: INT. SEDAN – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney w/ camera captures Leah & Dino together. 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why she is getting so close to him
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 13: SERIES OF SHOTS:
1. Action: Dino’s erratic behavior & dangerous stunts.
2. Life Threatening situation: his driving
3. Mystery: Why he drives like that
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 14: EXT. DINO’S HOUSE – BACK PORCH – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino parks bike; Jim comes out, drunk, mad etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: Jim tries to hit Dino
3. Mystery: why drunk;
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
==================================================================
ACT FOUR page 43
SCENE 1: MONTAGE – LEAH & DINO OUT ON THE TOWN
1. Action: caring, gentle side of Dino is revealed.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: their chemistry
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 2: INT. SCHOOL – MORNING (MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH)
1. Action: Steph reads Dino riot act for being w/ Leah.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: her anger, then kissing him, conflicted
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 3: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah tells Rodney she has 3 suspects via Dino.
2. Life Threatening situation: her involvement w/ Dino
3. Mystery: Rodney can’t figure out why
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing, working
SCENE 4: FLASHBACK – CEMETERY – MORNING
1. Action: Leah spying on Dino, sees him cry at Cindy’s grave 2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: NA
4. Villain’s plan: NA
BACK TO PRESENT.
SCENE 5: INT. POLICE STATION – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney gives Leah file on Dino re: a shooting.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino was shot
3. Mystery: why did the man accuse Dino; then recant
4. Villain’s plan: Ongoing
SCENE 6: EXT. FOOD TRUCK – NOON (TUES. FEB 13TH)
1. Action: Leah & Dino talk; she brings up Lorraine, he goes
2. Life Threatening situation: He is being framed for murder
3. Mystery: Why won’t he talk to her about Lorraine, leaves
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 7: INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
1. Action: upset, Leah calls Dino while lying in bed.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is upset, volatile
3. Mystery: Lorraine and that situation
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 8: INTERCUT: LEAH IN BED; DINO STANDING WITH HIS BIKE
1. Action: talk re: suspects, video of Dino & Cindy…
2. Life Threatening situation:
3. Mystery: he flies a paper plane w/ Cindy’s photo in it
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
==================================================================
ACT FIVE page 51
SCENE 1: FLASHBACK – FONDUE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
1. Action: Dino tells Leah why he hates “goodbye”
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: he equates the word goodbye w/ death.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 2: EXT. MOUNTAIN MEADOW – VALENTINE’S DAY
1. Action: Leah spying on Dino; he’s asleep.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why is Dino there alone, sleeping
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 3: INT. CRV – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah has flower bouquet for him in car.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Why Dino is there alone on his b-day.
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 4: EXT. MEADOW – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah walks over, sets flowers by Dino & leaves
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: her feelings for him
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 5: INT/EXT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – LATER
1. Action: Steph calls tell Dino cops coming, get to her car
2. Life Threatening situation: cops come to arrest Dino
3. Mystery: why, what has changed? New evidence.
4. Villain’s plan: he has gives them more clues against Dino.
SCENE 6: INT. CHARGER – MINUTE LATER
1. Action: Dino ducks down, Steph leaves, turns his cell off
2. Life Threatening situation
3. Mystery
4. Villain’s plan
SCENE 7: INT. STORAGE UNIT – TWO HOURS EARLIER
1. Action: Rodney & Leah enter: find photos, evidence.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why did Dino have this place
4. Villain’s plan: new clues tie murder to Dino
SCENE 8: INT. STORAGE UNIT – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney finds Dino’s knife; it’s his 3rd M.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino is now wanted
3. Mystery: how’d the knife get there & Cindy’s journal
4. Villain’s plan: ties murder around Dino’s neck.
SCENE 9: EXT/INT. ROSEMONT HIGH SCHOOL – NINETY MINUTES LATER
1. Action: Rodney leads raid and lock down of Dino’s school. 2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might have a gun.
3. Mystery: Where is Dino?
4. Villain’s plan: working out perfectly
SCENE 10: INT. SCHOOL CONCOURSE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: students video everything that happens.
2. Life Threatening situation: Dino might be armed
3. Mystery: where did he go
4. Villain’s plan: working to a tee.
SCENE 11: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph asks Dino who wanted Cindy dead
2. Life Threatening situation: he is now wanted for her murder
3. Mystery: who is behind it
4. Villain’s plan: he has upped his game
SCENE 12: INSERT TEXT
1. Action: Dino rips into Leah re: school raid, etc.
2. Life Threatening situation: he’s now wanted APB on him
3. Mystery: what changed, what new evidence came up
4. Villain’s plan: working perfectly.
BACK TO SCENE.
SCENE 13: INT. CHARGER – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Steph gets idea; it’s Jim; he’s a hater.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why does he hates on Dino
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing
SCENE 14: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
1. Action: Leah gets Dino’s text; didn’t know school raid.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: what happened at the school, the raid, he escaped
4. Villain’s plan: working perfectly.
SCENE 15: INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Leah confronts Chief; he shows her photos.
2. Life Threatening situation: she could lose her job.
3. Mystery: how did she get so far off target.
4. Villain’s plan: working
SCENE 16: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Dino & Steph start to make out.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: Steph seduces Dino, why now
4. Villain’s plan: working
SCENE 17: INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Rodney comes up w/ no Dino; pissed.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: where did he go, who tipped Dino off.
4. Villain’s plan: working
SCENE 18: INT. MASTER BATHROOM – DAY
1. Action: Jim puts his bottle of oxy in medicine cabinet.
2. Life Threatening situation: for the wife, Grace
3. Mystery: why is he doing this; to get rid of her?
4. Villain’s plan: is escalating,
SCENE 19: INSERT – LABEL
“Oxycodone, 20 mg. Take one tablet by mouth every six hrs…
SCENE 20: INT. DINO’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
1. Action: Jim goes in, takes one of his black teeshirts.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why one of his tee shirts
4. Villain’s plan: ongoing and evolving
SCENE 21: INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – DAY
1. Action: Dino and Steph making love.
2. Life Threatening situation: NA
3. Mystery: why now, why wait until this moment
4. Villain’s plan: coming to a head
SCENE 22: INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM – SAME
1. Action: Leah mad at herself, vows to catch killer.
2. Life Threatening situation: for Dino perhaps
3. Mystery: Cindy was framing Dino, so did she get betrayed
4. Villain’s plan: working
END OF PILOT PAGE 59
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<div>
Michael’s Life-Threatening Sequence – Day 7
*I learned how each step builds upon the previous and this process is invaluable for structuring the clues, bread crumbs and red herrings required for a “good” thriller.
[1] What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger? He plans to force Luke Strickland, incarcerated forger, to give up the location of his engraving plates.
[2] What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? Dino Strickland faces incarceration, the death of his friends who are helping him solve the mystery
[3] From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
Threat of incarceration
Talking about the danger w/ his friends puts them in danger
Physical danger from the local police who chase after him
Surveillance and being watched by the villain
Chased after and hunted: in school, in the town
Lured into a dangerous situation
Closeness to the villain – it is his stepfather
Trapped / Abducted / Arrested
Danger to his friends and lovers
People around Dino die as a result of the villain’s actions
Stalked by the villain
Presence of weapons
The chance that Dino’s relationship with the detective ends w/ her death.
The threat that their (Dino & Leah) secret (their love) could be revealed.
Public humiliation if the detective is found out having an affair w/ Dino.
Loss of a job or career is a real possibility for the detective
Betrayal from someone close. Dino ‘thinks’ Leah betrayed him
Other parties, namely the police, need to solve the mystery first.
[4] Sequence those dangers in order, make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct.
(1) Dino faces the threat of incarceration as a result of Cindy’s murder.
(2) Other parties, namely the police, need to solve the mystery first.
(3) Dino is a danger to his friends and lovers given the villain’s love of murder.
(4) The threat that their (Dino & Leah) secret (their love) could be revealed.
(5) Public humiliation if the detective is found out having an affair w/ Dino.
(6) Loss of a job or career is a real possibility for the detective if discovered.
(7) The chance that Dino’s relationship w/ the detective ends w/ her death.
(8) Physical danger from the local police who chase after him.
(9) Surveillance and being watched by the villain.
(10) Chased after and hunted: in school, in the town.
(11) People around Dino die as a result of the
villain’s actions including Leah</div>
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Michael’s Mystery Sequence
<div>What I learned “I have to stop and ask myself what was the secret, what constitutes the coverup, keeping the nomenclature straight requires work.</div><div>
1] What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? Jim wants the engraving plates that Luke, Dino’s father, has hidden before going to prison. Jim uses Dino as leverage.
[2] How many ways can they cover that secret? These become the mysteries. Through
[3] The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it. Dino is being framed for the murder of his teacher. He has to solve it or face being charged with murder!
[4] Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one.
Mystery Chain for mystery number one: (a) Cindy was brutally murdered in her bed, in a locked and alarmed home, begs the question how; (b) The initial suspect, the husband, was out of town at a continuing education conference; (c) Whoever killed her, knew the alarm code, knew the layout of the house; or knew how to bypass security measures (d)
[5] Include ONE Red Herring mystery. Red Herring is the school janitor, Jake Porter. He has a history of stalking and assault, so he initially fits the profile. Plus, he doesn’t have an alibi for the night of the murder. Additionally, he has photos of Cindy on his Camera in his locker at school.
Secret (1): Jim murders Cindy, Dino’s teacher. It is not shown, just reported after the fact.
Cover up (1): The murder is gruesome, personal and points to a lover/intimate familiar.
Secret (2): Jim starts sending the police detectives clues pointing to Dino as the killer
Cover up (2): Jim wins over one of the detectives & a police chief who wants case closed
Secret (3): Jim hates Dino’s father & threatens to finish framing Dino unless he gets plates
Cover up (3): Jim sidles up to the police chief & acts like a concerned parent re: Dino.
Secret (4): Jim finds and murders Leah, the detective, helping Dino to catch him.
Cover
up (4): Jim calls in the murder, tells the Chief that Dino did it and where he
is.</div> -
<div>
</div><div>Mike O’Keefe — Villain has a great plan
</div>
DAY FIVE ASSIGNMENT
I. To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:
[1] What is the end goal? The villain (Jim) end goal is to use his step-son, Dino, to force his biological father who is in prison, to divulge where he has hidden the engraving plates he used as a forger. They were never found or recovered.
[2] How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way? Jim, a US Marshal, has the expertise and resources to plant evidence and frame Dino for the woman’s murder. A murder that Jim committed.
[3] How can they cover it up? Jim does not leave any physical evidence that points back to him. Everything he has planted and left as clues points to Dino. He also covers by befriending the Police Chief and taking on the concerned parent role when it looks like Dino committed the murder.
[4] Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible. (1) Jim’s dislike for Dino is shown (show don’t tell) early on when he makes a pretend gun out of his hand and shoots Dino from his bedroom window as the boy rides his motorcycle down the driveway headed to school; (2) We see Jim (don’t know it’s him because he’s wearing a mask) watching a young woman (the murder victim) at her home. He plants one of Dino’s protein bar wrappers under a tree at the edge of her property then he stabs the tree repeatedly with the murder weapon; (3) He also leaves tennis shoe imprints in the dirt and returns the shoes to Dino’s closet the next morning after he’s gone to school; (4) Jim has taken photos of Dino with the woman, he has them delivered to Leah, the new detective on the force; (5) Jim takes one of Dino’s trademark black tee-shirts from his drawer. We find out later, Jim put some of the dead woman’s blood on the tee-shirt along with Dino’s hair fibers as mails it to Rodney, one of the detectives working the case.
II. Then answer the question “What I learned?”
I’ve learned that thrillers require a lot more behind the scenes planning and that without plotting the MIS, you will miss opportunities. The bread crumbs, easter eggs and bits of character insight have to be thought through long before you write a single word.
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Michael O’Keefe
World and Characters
*Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
The supporting characters must have their own MIS and it should tie
into the protagonist’s MIS in some manner. I was lacking this in my
script.I. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
[1] Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Who killed Dino’s Spanish teacher, Cindy and why.
[2] Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? Jim, Dino’s stepfather, has a reason for planting clues, for manipulation the police. He is forcing Dino’s father, Luke, a brilliant counterfeiter who is in prison, to give him the engraving plates so he can make millions of dollars. If Luke doesn’t, his son, Dino, will go to prison for a murder he did not commit.
[3] Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? The threat of arrest and incarceration as the accumulation of circumstantial evidence framing Dino keeps “materializing.”
II. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
Life of a high school Senior: Is there some part of this experience that is even more MIS? The dangerous world lived by Dino, an abused eighteen-year-old doing anything he can to run from the pain of his past, his current situation, and possible future incarceration.
III. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play, then answer these three questions:
Leah – Homicide Detective
A. What is the mystery of this character? Why does she suspect Dino? Despite the clues given her, she realizes Dino did not kill the teacher.
B. What is the intrigue of this character? Leah’s past, the unsolved murder of her father, drives her to pursue evil no matter what the personal cost.
C. What is the suspense of this character? She continues to go after the truth, despite the police chief who just wants to close the case.
———————————————-
Jim – Dino’s Step dad – Villian
A. What is the mystery of this character? Why does he hate Dino?
B. What is the intrigue of this character? He is a US Marshall; he easily tricks and sets up Dino. He is always ten steps ahead of the boy and his friends.
C. What is the suspense of this character? He tells the audience in the first ten minutes that he has a surprise for Dino then points his hand, fashioned into a gun, at the boy as he drives off to school.
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DAY TWO — ASSIGNMENT
BIG MIS – Michael O’Keefe
* What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The difference between mystery, intrigue and suspense. I
did not separate them out, or look at them as building blocks to creating
a thriller. I was going on gut (and not quite there).1. Give us your logline? “A teacher turns up dead leaving her underage student/lover as the only suspect in the investigation, which leads to the detective catching feelings for him.”
2. What are the conventions of your story?
[1] Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Yes, Dino
[2] Dangerous Villain: Yes, Jim, Dino’s stepfather
[3] High stakes: Yes, Dino’s freedom as he is being framed for murder
[4] Life and death situations: Yes, Dino’s accused, APB is issued and he becomes a target
[5] This story is thrilling because? Events unfold, evidence keeps getting leaked to the police implicating Dino
3. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
[1] Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Who killed Dino’s Spanish teacher, Cindy.
[2] Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? The stepfather’s real reason for the manipulation of the police: he is forcing Dino’s father, Luke, a brilliant counterfeiter who is in prison, to give him the engraving plates so he can make millions of dollars. If Luke doesn’t, his son, Dino, will go to prison for a murder he did not commit.
[3] Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? The threat of arrest and incarceration as the accumulation of circumstantial evidence framing Dino keeps “materializing.”
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I watched “The Recruit” A really great thriller by the way.
The BIG Mystery, Intrigue, & Suspense aspects of the movie are as follows:
[1] Big Mystery: The secret, question, or puzzle that must be solved by the hero. Was Colin Farrell’s father in the CIA; was he an agent? Did he die and is that his “star” on the wall at the CIA headquarters.
[2] Big Intrigue: The covert, underhanded, or clandestine force or plan of the Villain. Pacino is setting up Colin. First, by framing his love interest making it look like she is the mole in the CIA. Second, he “pretends” to have Colin be the black ops agent called a NOC, by washing him out of the training program. We learn Pacino is framing Colin; two layers of deceit and deception.
[3] Big Suspense: The main danger that the hero experiences. Colin Farrell being tricked by his handler (Pacino) and going after the love interest, convinced she is a mole. Colin learns she is not a mole, that Pacino is the mole. He scrambles to get Pacino’s confession on tape – and does so as the CIA close in on them and Pacino is killed.
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I, Michael O’Keefe, agree with the terms and conditions as stated.
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Good evening,
My name is Mike, I have written a number of drama, sci-fi and para-psychological scripts. I am looking forward to learning and mastering the Thriller genre. I have taken a glass before with Hal and it was truly enlightening. He is a master at processes and procedures. You will not be disappointed. One tip, do not fall behind. Tackle each day and the insights will come. Don’t get bogged down.
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I cannot find or locate the forum for the assignments for this Writing Incredible Movies course?? I have done the first four assignments but do not know where to upload them.
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Julia, good morning. I have taken four other classes with Hal. A six month pro-master class, which was amazing, a writing mystery class, Power players class, the 30 day screenplay class this course. I have learned a lot in each class. Furthermore, it forces me to up my game as you put it and improve aspects of my script that I normally wouldn’t think to elevate.
This is going to be a great class.. Look forward to reading what you create.
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Haley, welcome and ‘hang onto your hat’ as they say. This course will blow your mind. Word of advice, do NOT fall behind. Every day there is work to be done, things to read and think about. Don’t procrastinate. I took Hal’s Prowriter’s Series and one month into the six month course, I got COVID and it kicked my A__ __! I have never been sick until that time and I was useless for 3 weeks. It took me two months to get caught up and back on track with the class.
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Hello Ashley and welcome. It will be a great class. As a Screenwriting University alumni, I can attest to Hal’s abilities. You will find your script growing, changing, becoming a story that moves you and your audience.
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Brian, this class will certainly give you the tools to prevent you from becoming ‘stuck’ or ending up with writer’s block. Give the process a real shot and you will be amazed at how liberating the processes prove to be. There is something to be said for processes which Hal will teach us and structure which they entail while at the same time using your creative gifts. It truly empowers your creativity and the focus and purpose push you to the next level.
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Lenore, you have been writing in some form or another for a long time and that will serve you well. Hal is incredible, his processs and how he breaks down the magic that is a great script into understandable segments will certainly elevate your game. Enjoy the ride as they say.
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Jeannine, in a word, WOW! You have done some amazingly novel and free-spirited things. I can only imagine, guess that’s why I am a writer. I have a bucket list and it is nearly empty. Better take a page from your book and start broadening my expriences.
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I would love to be included in your group. I appreciate the invitation.
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Lisa, I love the opening hook! It instantly draws me into the story. Holding Santa for ransom is a new twist on a genre I love.
Lisa, as you already know, I’m a fan of the genre. With that said, does your opening hook lure me into the story? It did as your angle, kidnapping Santa is (new yet familiar) on a genre that has seen hundreds of angles.
Mary is indeed an interesting character who has seen the ups and downs that life has to offer. I would like to “see” why Mary feels saving her snow mobile shop will “win back her family.” It makes sense on a financial level. I would like you to show us why. Perhaps have her pull out an old photograph of her, her husband, Peter, and their two daughters standing proudly outside her snow mobile show on opening day. I need a visual/psychological link (unique to Mary and it doesn’t have to be logical, better if it isn’t) that explains why, in her mind, saving the shop will bring the family back together. If this is already in the script, cheers to you!!
It ends with a question, which works as a hook. But I feel I don’t have any of Act Two, the raising of the stakes, a hook or two that shows Mary in trouble, being found out, narrow escape etc.,
Again, this might just be me who is admittedly, the king of writing too much detail and thinking queries are clever book reports. This is a new process for yours truly, so take what I have penned with a grain of salt.
I still would love to read the entire script when you are finished.
Best of luck!
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Anna, I agree with Lisa’s sentiment, there can never be enough Christmas movies. I love your angle and take, very unique! As a Christmas movie nut, I have over 100 of them in my collection. I believe yours is truly novel, I would love to watch it over a cup of hot cocoa.
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Dana, I replied and forgot to put your name on the response. Again, nicely done. I wrote, sell it, I want to see it.
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Lisa, given our similarities in genre, you may wish to add my list of executive producers to your own. I will do the same. Best of luck to you.
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Dana, script sounds riveting. I think this contained thriller angle is both new and compelling. Best of luck, should sell given the environment and need for contained films.
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I saw the next class “Get Your Script to Power Players” and signed up as I really must put as much time and energy into the marketing of my work as I do into the writing. I have a dozen movie scripts and three different television pilots…
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I will review it now. Thank you.
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Anna, I would love to read over and review your submission. I sent you a private note but I’m not sure if you received it.
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*VERSION TWO*
Lisa’s Ready for Critique!
ALL CRITIQUES WELCOME!
DAY6 – Making Your First Ten Pages Great
NOTE: I have made a major reversal to my story. I switched the main characters of Mary and Peter. Mary is now the war hero who suffers from PTSD and kidnaps Santa Claus. Peter is taking care of the children.
Synopsis:
Peter saves his wife Mary from the George Bailey bridge. Later, we find out that Peter is a volunteer firefighter and he separated from Mary after the bridge incident. V.O. is used to explain how Seneca Falls, NY was the inspiration for Bedford Falls in the classic movie, It’s a Wonderful Life (IAWL). Mary gave up her dream of traveling the world to stay in Seneca Falls and raise a family when she found herself pregnant right out of high school.
Now she struggles with the separation from her family and soon the loss of her snowmobile business. It hasn’t snowed in 3 years. Mary receives a letter from the bank that her business will be repossessed on Christmas Day if she doesn’t come up with the money owed. The character of Ma Jenkins in the following reflects Mary’s good traits.
Shortly after these scenes, Mary gets the idea to kidnap Santa Claus after seeing her daughters on the NORAD site. Mary was stationed at NORAD for a time while in the military prior to being shipped off to war where she became a hero. She knows that Santa is real and will use that knowledge to blackmail Santa with worldwide exposure if he doesn’t help her steal presents which she will fence to get money to pay her mortgage off. Peter is the only other one in Seneca Falls that knows Santa is real.
Near the end, Peter dressed as Santa thwarts Mary’s plans. Santa makes it snow. A la IAWL, the town gives Mary the money from the festival to pay off what she owes and save her shop. Mary and Peter reconcile.
========================================
FADE UP
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY
UNDER THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
CLANG! Lightening cracks!
Two soaked figures tied together are hanging by a rope off the bridge.
WOMAN
(Dressed like an angel)
I’m dangling here wondering what will happen to my family if I don’t get out of this. Especially since the passed-out guy below me is my husband. Ironic that he’s trying to save ME.
She looks down at the MAN.
(NOTE: I like the woman dressed like an angel as she is a savior for their family and for Peter)
WOMAN (CONT’D)
But how do you save a war hero who doesn’t have her wings yet?
Woman’s cell phone rings. She answers as though nothing is wrong.
(Nice touch, “as though nothing is wrong”)
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can’t talk now, sweetie.
Stuffing the phone back into her pants the rope jerks! She looks up but can’t see through the torrential rain.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Well, this is what I am.
She leans back letting the rain hit her.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I’m a mother in America!
I’m trying to convince myself and everyone else that it really is a wonderful li…
SNAP! The woman and man fall out of view.
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
…iiiiiife!!
FADE OUT
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY-DAY-CONTINUOUS
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
We recognize this voice as the voice of the WOMAN hanging from the bridge.
MAIN STREET DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
There’s even a fake sign on the way into town which reads “You are entering Bedford Falls.” For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it. Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
There are people walking around town and going in and out of the buildings, but they’re all in summer clothing. It’s hot in December!
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Well, the church marks the end of Main Street, except if you look across the way you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
You may ask, do we ever get tired of living in a town with a theme? Yes, we do! Especially me. You see, my mother organized the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival every year for the past 10 years and I wanted nothing to do with it.
(NOTE: thin down this exposition above. Show thru Mary’s actions that the town living in the fame of a mythological town is tiring and/or taxing. Say something like “Stifling, when you face HOA’s (Home Owner’s Association) edicts on a city-wide level. Grousing to a friend, she says: “Innovative architecture, no; progressive redistricting, no. Status quo, naturally.”
Now upon her death, the town has voted me as her successor. But I couldn’t do it. So, my poor Peter has taken over running the show this year.
THE FRONT OF THE IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE MUSEUM
THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Oh no. There it is. Do you recognize the George Bailey bridge? 3 years ago, my husband Peter saved me from death at that bridge. We separated shortly after that event. The George Bailey bridge sits in the middle of town and haunts us every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
CUT TO
STREET WHERE WOMAN LIVES. OVER OPENING CREDITS.
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
This is the street where I lived. I’m Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York.
MOVE SLOWLY DOWN THE ROW OF OLD VICTORIAN HOMES
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
The one thing I always wanted to be I am not. A world traveler. Before I could read, I would live under the covers with my mom’s copy of National Geographic magazine. Staring at incredible photos of faraway lands and pledging that I would see for myself whatever escape was featured each week.
EXT- MARY’S HOUSE-DAY
Two girls in t-shirts and shorts and a dachshund are running around the lawn.
MARY (V.O. CONT’D)
After I graduated from high school, I was ready to start my journeys. Then I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Peter and I decided we wanted the baby, so I deferred my traveling dreams. I had Ruthie whom now I wouldn’t trade for the world, literally. Or Janie who came two years later. There are my beautiful daughters. This is where I leave you…because I don’t live here anymore.
(NOTE: Three weeks before graduation, I had two large suitcases in the closet, several maps of Europe and a cheat-sheet with currency and exchange rates. The next week I find myself sitting on the toilet waiting for the pregnancy wand to determine my fate. Minute later, travel plans were forever altered. Vacillating, Peter and I agreed that a baby was for us.)
CUT TO
INT- PETER’S HOUSE-FOYER
Peter’s house is a beautifully remodeled old Victorian with all the details, but with a modern touch…think a Nancy Meyers film set.
INT-PETER’S KITCHEN-DAY
Peter carefully pulls a pan of Christmas cookies out of the oven. Then looks around to find a clear spot to put them. Every surface is covered with Christmas treats: cookies, cakes, pies, candies. He plops them on top of another pan to cool. Peter goes to the front screen door. He yells outside.
PETER
Girls, Uncle Billy! Breakfast!
Peter clears some of the clutter on the table. He grabs a couple of hot waffles out of the toaster and slaps some ice cream on top each of them. Peter stops and looks at his mother-in-law’s photo on the wall. RUTHIE, a smart and wise 9-year-old and JANIE, a sensitive and kind 7-year-old enter singing their version of “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” which goes, “I want a pretty platypus for Christmas” at the top of their lungs. Uncle Billy, their dachshund barks at them as though he’s singing along. Ruthie has her tablet under her arm.
(NOTE: I would go with Cam’s thoughts on tightening the introduction of Ruthie and Janie. He is really good! I read though several of his critiques and was quite impressed.)
PETER
That is not how the song goes.
RUTHIE
Yeah, but we like platypus’s better!
JANIE
Yeah!
Janie holds up her stuffed platypus.
PETER
Okay, if you day so.
The girls take their seats and Peter places their breakfasts of waffles and ice cream on the table. After all, it’s hot outside. Uncle Billy goes over to his bowl in the corner and eats his dog food.
PETER (CONT’D)
No tablets at the table, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
I know, but it’s not working right. Santa isn’t moving.
PETER
I’ll take a look at it. You eat.
Peter sits and looks at the tablet. He sees Ruthie is on the NORAD site. Peter sees a message on the top of the site that states “Santa’s journey begins on the 23<sup>rd</sup> of December”.
PETER (CONT’D)
It’s not the tablet. Let’s give it another day.
RUTHIE
Can mommy fix it?
PETER
Mommy doesn’t work there anymore, honey. We’ll check tomorrow. That reminds me. (Looking at his phone) I need to call your mother to see if she’s coming over for Christmas.
Peter puts his phone down and gets serious.
PETER (CONT’D)
Look girls. I don’t think we can count on your mom for Christmas.
RUTHIE
What do you mean?
JANIE
She’s coming, isn’t she?
PETER
Well, I want to be honest with you…I’m not sure. She’s been unpredictable lately. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.
Janie hangs her head and Ruthie has a mad look come over her face.
PETER (CONT’D)
BUT! We are going to have the best Christmas ever with Josephine!
RUTHIE
Sure.
JANIE
It’s not the same without mommy.
They sit in silence. Peter’s not sure what to say next. He gets a wet cloth and wipes Janie’s face that is smeared with ice cream.
PETER
You like Jo, don’t you?
RUTHIE
She’s nice.
Janie shakes her head yes. Ruthie pulls away as Peter tries to wipe her face too.
PETER
Then we are going to make the best of whatever situation we have this Christmas. Don’t you think your grandmother would want us to have a cheery Christmas?
The girls look at the photo of their grandma on the wall.
PETER (CONT’D)
She always said, “Christmas comes but once a year, so make it a wonderful one!”
Peter clears some dishes. Janie goes over to Ruthie and sits in her seat with her. Peter looks at their sad faces.
PETER
Alright. Go upstairs and get ready for your last day of school!
Ruthie and Janie run out of the room and up the staircase. Uncle Billy stares at Peter.
PETER (CONT’D)
You too, Uncle Billy!
Uncle Billy runs up the stairs too.
CUT TO
INT-JENKINS BOARDING HOUSE KITCHEN-MORNING
MA JENKINS is an 81-year-old Black woman whose roadmap of a face shows her years of hardship. She’s at the 1960’s gold stove whipping up a hearty breakfast for her main guest.
Enter MARY WINTERS, a 5’6’, 37-year-old, who is shaped like a Christmas tree and the woman Peter saved from drowning years prior. She is Peter’s brooding wife who is also a war veteran. She wears a t-shirt and long khakis. SKIPPER ABLE is Ma’s curious 5-year-old grandson whom Ma is watching for the day. As Peter enters the kitchen…
MA
Skip! Stand up.
SKIPPER
Why?
MA
(Hitting Skipper’s arm) Stand up, a war hero is entering the room.
MARY
Good morning.
MA
Skip.
SKIPPER
Good morning.
MA
(scoldingly) Good morning, what?
SKIPPER
(exaggerating) Good morning, SIR.
MARY
Please sit down.
Ma glares at Skipper as if to say, “don’t you dare!”
Mary sits at the old wooden wobbly table on the bench side against the cloudy window of the tiny kitchen. The old Victorian needs loads of remodeling, starting with the kitchen.
MA
(to Skipper) You may sit now.
Skipper sits in the chair at the end of the table. Skipper stares at Mary. Ma places Mary’s breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. Then serves Skipper. Mary pushes the eggs around…she really doesn’t like to eat breakfast, but she does it to show respect for Ma.
MARY
Good as always, Ma
MA
Glad you like it. You have work today?
MARY
I’m heading over to Mr. Reed to help him with his porch and Mrs. Thomas asked me to stop by to look at her plants. I’ll probably stop at the rectory to see if pastor Frank needs anything too.
MA
Sounds like a busy day. I’ll fill a thermos with cold water for ya. I don’t remember a December so hot in all my life!
MARY
Thanks, Ma.
MA
Oh, I almost forgot to give you your mail.
Ma takes the pink envelope out of her apron pocket and hands it to Mary. Mary stares at it frozen, petrified. Skipper leans up on the table.
SKIPPER
Well, aren’t ya going to open it?
MARY
I’ve got to head over to Mr. Reed’s. Thanks for the breakfast, Ma.
MA
You’re welcome. If you get hungry later, I’m making chili in case we get company.
Ma motions to Skipper to stand up. Skipper rolls his eyes, but slowly, loudly pushes his chair away from the table and stands.
Feeling embarrassed about the pink envelope, Mary stuffs the envelope in her pants pocket. Ma hands her a thermos with a long strap and she throws it over her arm. Mary busses her place taking her dishes to the sink. Then hurries out the back screen door.
SKIPPER
(Looking out the back door) Why’s she always in such a hurry?
MA
She’s a busy woman, helping out people every day in this town.
Ma comes to the back door and looks out too. The old Victorian house is set way back from the street with a long walk. They watch Mary slowly going down the walk reading her letter.
MA (CONT’D)
I sure hope she can get her shop working again. (turning to Skipper) You take note Skip, there goes a brave woman who has sacrificed for many, a war hero, a conscientious mother, a friend to all. Don’t matter that she’s fallen on hard times. Happens to the best of us.
Ma leans down to Skipper and pauses to take in his youthful face…she smiles.
MA (CONT’D)
She is loved.
Ma kisses Skipper’s nose.
MA (CONTINUED)
Now get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper starts off down the hallway toward the front foyer and the staircase, then turns around and scurries back to the kitchen when there’s a knock on the back door screen.
Ma opens the screen door. Skipper hangs out the door to see who’s there.
A disheveled and dirty HOBO is standing there in a torn coat with a plastic trash bag in his hands. He appears to be of some ethnicity, but it’s hard to tell below the dirtiness.
(NOTE: I would show, not tell. Take the passage above and show us: EX: Skipper frowns, mutters: “Doesn’t matter where they come from, when they hop off the train, they look and smell alike.” )
HOBO
Ma’am. I heard you could give a man something to eat if I knocked on your door.
MA
No one is turned away here. (hands the man a hand towel) Wash up out there and leave your bag.
(to Skipper)
What did I tell you? Get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper runs up the front stairs, refrains from slamming his bedroom door.
(NOTE: by adding this we avoid any stereotyping about homeless and minorities, also follows up on skipper’s assessment by showing, not telling. “The transient stands at the garden hose and washes up. Beneath the grime, the wood smoke and grit, we SEE a freckled hand. He stands at the back door waiting for permission to enter.”
MA (CONT’D)
Come on in and sit down now.
HOBO
Ma’am, I can’t pay.
MA
No matter. Come on in. No one goes hungry at Ma Jenkin’s!
Ma gives a heartfelt laugh.
CUT TO
EXT-MA JENKIN’S BOARDING HOUSE SIDEWALK-DAY
Ma’s old Victorian Boarding House is set way back from the street. Mary is on Ma’s front walk. She rips open the pink envelope and pulls out the letter. Mary’s face falls and she tears up as she reads it.
CLOSE-UP ON THE LETTER
The line that is highlighted (like in an old movie) is “Mrs. Winters you have until December 25<sup>th</sup> to comply, or the bank will take possession of the Winters snowmobile shop.”
EXT-SIDEWALK-DAY
Mary is in a trance and continues staring at the letter and walking at the same time. Never a good idea. She steps off the curb and tires screech!
Peter has slammed on the brakes of the SUV.
INT-SUV-DAY
PETER
(jolting forward) Jesus!
JANIE
Dad!
PETER
Are you alright?
Janie and Ruthie shake their heads yes.
PETER
Stay in the car!
As Peter jumps out of the SUV…
JANIE AND RUTHIE
(yelling and waving through the windshield) Mom! Hi Mommy! We miss you! I love you, mommy!
PETER
Jiminy Christmas, Mary! I almost ran over you!
MARY
(stunned) Oh. Wow.
Seeing her daughters in the SUV, Mary waves at them.
PETER
What’s the matter with you? Are you back on drugs or something?
MARY
Why do you always go there? I just got some bad news that’s all.
Peter notices the letter in her hand.
PETER
Is that the bad news?
Peter tries to snatch it. Mary stuffs it in her pocket.
MARY
Never you mind.
PETER
What is it?
MARY
You never seem to get it. (in his face) We’re separated.
Mary walks over to the side of the SUV and waves at the girls. The girls open the sliding door.
PETER
(to the girls) Don’t you get out of that car!
Ruthie and Janie jump out of the car and into their mom’s arms.
JANIE
Hi Mommy!
RUTHIE
Mommy! How are you?
Mary tightly squeezes each of the girls with tears in her eyes, also because of the bad news she just got. Peter paces back and forth in front of the SUV watching Mary.
MARY
I miss you little ladies.
RUTHIE
We miss you too.
Mary sees the tablet in Ruthie’s hand.
MARY
What are you doing?
RUTHIE
We’re waiting for Santa to fly.
Mary takes the tablet and stares at the main page of the NORAD site where Santa’s journey around the world is tracked every year. She recognizes the site because she worked at NORAD when she was in the military before being shipped off to war.
MARY
NORAD. I remember that site well.
JANIE
Mommy, how does Santa get down all those chimneys?
MARY
Well…I can’t tell you baby.
Mary hands the tablet back to Ruthie.
PETER
Mar, can I speak to you for a second? Please?
MARY
Be good at school today little ladies.
Mary kisses each girl on their head. Ruthie and Janie jump back into the SUV.
JANIE
When will we see you again?
MARY
Soon baby.
RUTHIE
Promise?
MARY
I promise.
Mary closes the SUV sliding door as if she’s closing the door to her heart. She meanders to the front of the vehicle where Peter is waiting.
PETER
Listen, I wanted to make sure you’ll be over on Christmas Day. The girls really want to see you on Christmas.
Mary nonchalantly glances at her pocket.
MARY
I can’t commit to anything right now.
PETER
Geez! I can never get a straight answer out of you. (anxiously) I have to get them to school.
Peter stops and stares at Mary wondering if she’s slipped back into a deep depression. We hear what he’s thinking…
PETER (V.O.)
I’ve known this gal since I was 14. I always know when something is up with her. I will find out.
Peter remembers what he’s doing…
PETER
We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’ll call you.
Peter starts to walk away, then turns back around.
PETER (CONTINUED)
(In pig Latin) IXNAY on ANTA A, okay?
MARY
I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t tell them. YOU, IXNAY on ANTA A!
They pause realizing how stupid they sound. Then they chuckle. It’s their long-time secret.
PETER
Okay wise gal.
Peter hurries around the SUV and jumps into the driver’s seat, starts the vehicle and as he drives away…
PETER (CONT’D)
(yelling out the window) And stay out of the street!
Mary standing in the middle of the street watches as they drive away. Tires screech behind her! Mary jumps and turns around.
ERNIE
(out his car window) For Pete’s sake, Mary! Get out of the street!
MARY
Sorry, Ernie!
Mary crosses the street to the sidewalk. Ernie shakes his head and drives off slowly. Mary takes the letter out of her pocket and looks at it once more.
MARY
(to herself)
NORAD. Santa. Hmm.
Mary stares at Ma Jenkin’s Boarding House as she puts the letter back in her pocket.
MARY
(to herself)
I’m going to fix that place up one of these days. (conjuring a thought) But first…I’ve got to get my business and family back.
Mary trots off down the street with a renewed pep.
(Final thoughts: I really like the fact you changed up the ‘roles.’ The woman is the war hero! It avoids any possible clichés as they live in a town that is a living cliché. As I wrote in the first round of notes, I would make Ma Jenkin’s your sleeper. You have two women who have faced adversity, prejudice in one form or the other: a Black woman and a woman with PTSD, who are heroes in their own right. They have conformed to the town, to its limits, and at the same time, they MUST BE instrumental in the salvation of the town in some way.
It is not the main story line by any means, but it can prove to be a valuable sub-plot. Just my two-cent’s worth.)
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Lisa, I just posted mine first ten pages. Want to critique one another’s submission?
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Good morning, Lisa. Would you like to critique my submission and I will review yours?
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Lisa, would you like to exchange feedback. I am writing a Christmas script. Chevy Chase has nothing on me. 🙂
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Good morning,
Anita, I know I am a few days late to the party. Would you like to exchange feedback?
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Lisa, I realized that too late. I apologize for the miscue. I have done that several times. Sorry.
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Certainly, I would really value your insights. Would you like the same?
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Rahelle, thank you for the feedback. I am going through the rough draft and incorporating the insights and thoughts you provided. 🙂
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Rachelle, would you like to review one another’s submission? I believe that is Day 15 req.