MICHAEL O'KEEFE
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Clendon – Chronological Edit
[1] What I learned doing this assignment?
I learned to review the major aspects and make sure the chronology of events and the various character arcs align.
[2] Tell us the main improvements you made in your script.
Two main improvements are as follows: first, the protagonist’s love interest needed revising. She was cast aside originally. I had to bring her back, show her character and her willingness to fight for what/whom she loves. It adds to the conflict as the audience realizes the protagonist has to choose between his new love interest and his old love interest.
Second, the development of the antagonist. Initially, he was weak and not really a ‘bad guy.’ I went through the scenes and using the processes learned in class, I was able to amp up his villainess and show not tell, the ways in which he became a much more worthy antagonist.
The description and dialogue in the scenes was not a problem. I worked on the clarity and the flow of the script as I tend to drill down too much in any given scene and slow the overall flow of the script.
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Clendon -Solved Scene Problems!
[1] What I learned doing this assignment?
By analyzing a scene as a separate entity, I was able to find scenes that were a bit weak and didn’t challenge the characters.
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[2] Look through your script & identify any scenes that have any of these four problems.
A) Basic Scene Problems
B) Weak Scenes
C) Situations Don’t Challenge Characters
D) Cliché Scenes
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[3] For any scene problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
The one scene that needed a lot of focus as it is pivotal for the protagonist and was a bit lacking in the beginning – see below.
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Without gloves or his wrists being wrapped, Klendon is pummeling a heavy bag. There is a wet, red circle on the gauze pad taped to his chest.
Natalie strides into the room — PUNCHES Klendon’s shoulder to get his attention. She throws the lab results in his face.
KLENDON “Don’t. I’m not in the mood.”
NATALIE “Couldn’t leave well enough alone. (shoves him) It’s not in your boy scout makeup!”
Klendon drops his hands, squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his mouth piece. He cannot go there.
Natalie’s PUNCH takes him square in the jaw. Mouth piece GOES FLYING.
Klendon drops to one knee. Dazed. His face says it all: what the hell?! He can’t believe she hit him.
Natalie attacks: raining punches at Klendon. One blow splits open the gash above his right eye.
Covering up — Klendon retaliates with a vicious LEG SWEEP — drops Natalie to the floor mat.
Incredibly quick, she is up and attacking. Her athleticism, no match for Klendon’s years of intense training.
Klendon BODY SLAMS her to the mat.
NATALIE “I get my hands free, I’m going to break your face!”
Klendon pins her arms over her head.
KLENDON “You were never supposed to know. (yells it in her face) Never!”
NATALIE (through gritted teeth) “How long have you known?!”
Klendon says nothing. Struggle as she might, Natalie cannot break his hold.
NATALIE “Fuck you! Finish it.”
She exposes her neck to Klendon — daring him.
KLENDON “Why’d he do it?! You even know?”
Pushing up with her hips, Natalie struggles; unable to dislodge him, fuels her anger. Blood from the GASH on Klendon’s forehead drips on her cheek.
NATALIE “No! I don’t. He didn’t say a word.(screams in pain) God-damn him to hell! “
NATALIE’S FACE CRUMBLES AS SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
Klendon releases her.
Natalie scrambles to her feet. Incredibly, she starts punching, kicking. Sobbing. Grief-stricken.
Seeing red, Klendon RETALIATES: HITS HER TWICE in rapid succession — LUNGES for her — his hands around her throat.
NATALIE “Do it! Do it! I can’t live with this… Kill me, Klendon!”
Her body goes limp — stops fighting — wanting death.
Sliding his hands away from her throat, pinning her head to the mat with her hair, Klendon does the unthinkable.
EXTREME CLOSE UP. Klendon’s lips mashing Natalie’s — forcing her mouth open.
Natalie REACTS: arms and legs curl around Klendon — as the two KISS violently — taste of blood in each other’s mouth — TEARING at their clothing — desperate for relief from an unbearable pain — from the betrayal of a man they both love.
Klendon, between her legs, stabbing himself into her — jaw clinched — re-seeing:
MONTAGE – NATALIE AND KLENDON GROWING UP TOGETHER
— Skinny girl on a teeter totter waving hello to Klendon.
— Tweener on a park swing, urging Klendon to keep up.
— Fourteen and hanging upside down on the jungle gym bars sticking her tongue out at him.
END MONTAGE
And as the Rolodex of memories turn to a blur of quick cuts and noise… The pain in Klendon head subsides as passion displaces the ugliness he is struggling with.
DISSOLVE TO:
NATALIE on top, grinding her hips into Klendon with a shame she has never known — reliving warm smiles and moments of kindness Klendon gave away — TEASING one another while making sandwiches, buttering slices of bread and one another’s knuckles — PLAYING tag and hide-n-go-seek with the homeless children — Barbecues, water balloon fights — CHASING after one another– SCRATCHING Klendon’s forearm while grabbing for him…
MATCH CUT TO:
Same hand — FINGERNAILS CLAWING Klendon’s back — in the throes of a mind-altering orgasm. Climaxing together in a series moans and inarticulate cries: part pleasure, part pain.
FREEZE ON Klendon in ecstasy, oblivious to the blood running down his face or LEAKING through the gauze pad on his chest.
Natalie’s absolution: bloodied lip, black eye — grins through the tears, the blood, and sweat.
PULL BACK — reveal a young man and woman clinging to one another: bloodied, trembling, gasping for breath, afraid to let go of one another.
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Solved – Character Problems
What I learned doing this assignment? Again, the ability to “see” and then “fix” problems with characters through utilizing this process. I had a “feeling” my antagonist was not that bad of a bad guy and in reading over this lesson, I have to face reality. My antagonist is both weak and not bad. Having said that, this process has allowed me to quickly brainstorm and figure out how to amplify my villain.
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[2] Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed below.
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist.
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.
C. Weak character introductions.
D. Characters not in action.
E. Protagonist journey not strong.
F. All the characters seem the same.
G. Lead characters not present.
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[3] For any character problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
A & B — I have a weak antagonist and he is not too bad.
He doesn’t really do anything to make him the bad guy throughout the movie. We see him shoot Mary in the opening act. Then later, he hires a “friend” to plant evidence to implicate some one else, namely Clendon’s father. I added a scene where JR burns evidence linking him to Clendon’s mother, Mary – promissory notes. It needs more. He is still weak and not threatening.
JR needs to be more proactive in planting false clues and throwing suspicion elsewhere. Misleading and false clues to make it so there are several possible suspects.
I need to have JR play on Clendon’s hatred of his father. He needs to get in Clendon’s head: talk up how evil his father is and what he most likely did to Clendon’s mother.
I can have JR talk to his daughter, confide in her, about Clendon’s father (using the evidence his “friend” planted in and around Clendon’s father’s place, car, etc., ) Tell his daughter to keep Clendon from doing something rash, something crazy, tells her to have Clendon talk with the detective Ramirez… JR warns his daughter if Clendon refuses, you need to speak with the detective yourself. Take matters into your own hands.
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[1] What I learned doing this assignment? Again, the ability to “see” and then “fix” problems with characters through utilizing this process. I had a “feeling” my antagonist was not that bad of a bad guy and in reading over this lesson, I have to face reality. My antagonist is both weak and not bad. Having said that, this process has allowed me to quickly brainstorm and figure out how to amplify my villain.
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[2] Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed below.
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist.
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.
C. Weak character introductions.
D. Characters not in action.
E. Protagonist journey not strong.
F. All the characters seem the same.
G. Lead characters not present.
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[3] For any character problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
A & B — I have a weak antagonist and he is not too bad.
JR doesn’t really do anything to make him the bad guy throughout the movie. We see him shoot Mary in the opening act. Cold-blooded murder is heinous. Then later, he hires a “friend” to plant evidence to implicate some one else, namely Clendon’s father.
I added a scene where JR burns evidence linking him to Clendon’s mother, Mary – several promissory notes. The script needs more. He is still weak and not threatening.
First, JR needs to be more proactive in planting false clues and throwing suspicion elsewhere. Misleading and false clues to make it so there are several possible suspects.
Second, I need to have JR play on Clendon’s hatred of his father. He needs to get in Clendon’s head: talk up how evil his father is and what he most likely did to Clendon’s mother.
Third, I can have JR talk to his daughter, confide in her, about Clendon’s father (using the evidence his “friend” planted in and around Clendon’s father’s place, car, etc., ) JR tells his daughter to keep Clendon from doing something rash, something crazy, tells her to have Clendon talk with the detective Ramirez… JR warns his daughter if Clendon refuses, you need to speak with the detective yourself. Take matters into your own hands…
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Clendon’s filled-in missing scenes – day 24
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? To tie up the loose ends, bring the supporting characters’ arcs to a completion while at the same time making sure they support the script’s theme.
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[2] Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
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[3] For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
I had to build up the relationship evolving between the protagonist, Clendon, and his best friend, Natalie, so that when it changes from plutonic to consensual, it makes logical sense.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon and Natalie go caroling w/ the neighbors.
MIDDLE: Natalie sees Clendon hand several old residents deeds to their home.
END: She is moved; kisses Clendon passionately, wants him.
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Simultaneously, I had to bring Clendon’s girl friend, Gina (who has been MIA, thanks to Clendon’s father) back into the picture. She is in love and wants Clendon to know the truth.
INT. PLANE – FIRST CLASS SECTION – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina is on the flight alone, holding a photograph of her and Clendon at Prom.
MIDDLE: Gina reminisces about them together.
END: Gina fears she might be too late, that Natalie might have moved in on Clendon.
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[4] Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clendon and Natalie are caroling with a dozen other residents from the neighborhood. Dressed in Dickens era clothing, they go from door-to-door singing Holiday classics.
Clendon on the guitar. Danbury, the next-door neighbor, toting a violin.
Guarded at first, Natalie feels the love these people have for one another is genuine, and is moved by it. Clendon’s leadership, his influence; everyone is touched by his presence, Natalie included.
We STEADICAM down the shoveled and salted sidewalk — CAMERA STOPPING ON the Timkins — mister and misses, with thermos of hot cider and a platter of cookies — an elderly couple who epitomize graciousness.
JACK TIMKINS, personable man with snowy head of hair and a neatly trimmed mustache.
Clendon hands Natalie his guitar, goes over and gives misses Timkins a sealed envelope.
Protective, even fierce, Natalie watches the elderly lady open the envelope — her hand covers her mouth in disbelief.
Clendon walks back, a smile from ear to ear. Natalie, having worked one summer for a bank, recognizes a property deed when she sees one.
Natalie stares at Clendon as he adjusts his guitar strap: wanting him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.
CLENDON “We’ve three more to deliver. Glad you took the night off, Nat. Feels right having you with me playing Santa. We make a good team.”
Natalie kisses him on the cheek — getting his attention — KISSING much more passionately as the carolers mingle to enjoy hot cider, spiced wine, and sugar cookies.
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INT. PLANE – FIRST CLASS SECTION – DAY
BOLD RED LIPS
EXTREME CLOSE UP. Woman’s lips. Blood red as a layer of highly-pigmented lipstick is applied.
PULL BACK on the young woman’s face as she purses her lips. Beautiful in a holiday sweater, Gina sits at a window seat. Lying in the dip between her neck and the collar bones — Clendon’s gold cross.
Hidden, are the butterflies in her stomach.
On the extendable tray table, a PHOTOGRAPH of her and Clendon at Homecoming.
In her head, the memory of Natalie staring up at her while wrapping Christmas presents with Clendon.
In her heart, the fear she might be too late. CLOSE ON her fingertip stroking Clendon’s face.
On her lips, the proclamation:
GINA “I can’t lose you. Not this way.”
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[5] Tell us what scenes you added and why.
I had to build up the relationship evolving between the protagonist, Clendon, and his best friend, Natalie, so that when it changes from plutonic to consensual, it makes logical sense.
Simultaneously, I had to bring Clendon’s girl friend, Gina (who has been MIA, thanks to Clendon’s father) back into the picture. She is in love and wants Clendon to know the truth.
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Clendon – Act 4 Resolution
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? There has to be a resolution and a view of the person(s) after the transformation. Ending a movie on the Climax without resolution is short-changing the audience in my opinion.
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[2] Outline Key Scene 4.
BEGINNING: Ramirez calls on Clendon, has Xmas presents for him and Natalie.
MIDDLE: Clendon lets her in, they have a Christmas toast,
END: Clendon has a present for her as well.
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[3] Write Key Scene 4: Resolution – Wrap it up and show us the “new normal.”
EXT/INT. MARY’S HOME – CHRISTMAS EVE DAY
Detective Ramirez stares at the Christmas wreath on the front door.
She gives the doorbell another ring, not sure Clendon’s home — when the door OPENS.
CLENDON (eyes Christmas presents) “You should’nt’ve. Please, come in. “
Ramirez notices his cut lip and shiner, sees his knuckles. The detective in her on high alert.
RAMIREZ (hands top present) “This one’s for you. The other one is for Natalie. Merry Christmas.”
Moved, Clendon takes the presents off her hands, sets them on the entry way bench.
CLENDON “Can I get you something to drink?”
RAMIREZ (makes a face) “Eggnog, no thanks.”
Clendon leads the way into the living room, over to the bar.
CLENDON “What’s your poison?”
RAMIREZ “Drinking with a minor, what is this world coming to… Scotch, if you have it.”
Clendon flashes an Oh-pleeeze look.
CLENDON “Single malt or blend?”
RAMIREZ “Look at you, surprise me. How’s Mister Foster doing?”
CLENDON “Linda’s got him on antibiotics for a fever. She’s with him now.”
Clendon pulls out a beautiful bottle, pours two fingers, places one oversized ice cube in the glass, gives it a swirl. Pours himself one.
RAMIREZ “Can I pop in, say hello?”
CLENDON “Down the hall, second door on the left.”
Ramirez reaches for the glass. Clendon lifts his; the two toast.
CLENDON “To family. Thank you for everything.”
RAMIREZ “To your mother, she made all this possible.”
Ramirez gives the scotch a taste and is blown away.
RAMIREZ “OhmyGod, that’s incredible.”
CLENDON “Macallan M. Highland single malt. Mary’s favorite.”
RAMIREZ “Do I even want to know the price?”
Clendon (shakes his head no) Merry Christmas Detective Ramirez.”
RAMIREZ “It’s Lagina. Merry Christmas, Clendon. I’ll be right back. “
Clendon waits till she is out of sight, then reaches in the cupboard and retrieves an unopened bottle of the scotch.
He rushes into the den for a liquor sack and a bow.
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Clendon – Act 4 Climax
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? The importance of sustaining the dilemma and heightened conflict aspects associated with the climax.
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[2] Outline Key Scene 3.
INT. JR’S BEDROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon goes into the room, he finds his hands at JR’s throat.He asks JR why.
MIDDLE: Clendon tells JR, “You know what, it doesn’t matter. It just fucking doesn’t! I won’t, not that you don’t deserve it, but for Natalie’s sake. And my own. I won’t become you or my father.”
END: Clendon makes the Sign of the Cross on JR’s forehead, “May God bless you and keep you safe.” Smiling up at the ceiling as he walks off, Clendon mouths: “Thank you, mom.”
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[3] Write Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.
INT. JR’S BEDROOM – DAY
Clendon steps into the room, looks at JR’s unchanging child-like expression; it hurts him in a way he can’t explain.
CLENDON (hands at JR’s neck) “I don’t know why you did it.”
Clendon, leans down, their noses almost touching.
CLENDON “Did father put you up to it? Nod if he did. Did he?”
It is impossible to tell if his words have any effect.
CLENDON “You know what, it doesn’t matter. (pulls hands away) It just fucking doesn’t! I won’t, not that you don’t deserve it, but for Natalie’s sake. And my own. I won’t become you.”
Clendon makes the Sign of the Cross on JR’s forehead,
CLENDON “May God bless you and keep you safe.”
He steps back, away from the bed, turns and as he starts out of the room, Clendon looks up at the ceiling and mouths: Thank you
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Clendon – Completed Act 3
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? To trust in the process, fill in the pieces and then fill it out after the structure is standing.
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[2] Outline any scenes left for Act 3.
INT. CAR – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is driving, answers his phone.
MIDDLE: Private Investigator found Gina; he tells the PI to put a symbol on her bedroom window
END: Feels badly.
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INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – TWENTY MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon searches his mother’s bedroom.
MIDDLE: He finds a safe in clothes closet: contains $ and a photo album
END: Album contains photos of Ramirez w/ his mom and JR with his mother. He is pissed.
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INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: He goes in, sees JR and asks him why. No response, man’s gone.
MIDDLE: He asks if it was his father who put him up to it.
END: He leaves with no answers.
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EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon drives up, charges in the store
MIDDLE: He confronts Ramirez, shoves the photo album at her
END: They talk, Ramriez says she’s afraid having JR in that house will tempt him to kill
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MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
BEGINNING: Clendon recalls the Poinsetta on his mother’s table.
MIDDLE: He remembers the Poinsetta on JR’s desk and how he sneezed.
END: Promises the detective he won’t hurt JR, that he is family.
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INT. VINTAGE CUISINE – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon meets with his father at a fancy restaurant
MIDDLE: They talk, bicker; verbal banter.
END: Clendon walks off realizing his apology didn’t mean a thing to his dad.
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INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon reminiscing with Natalie and Linda
MIDDLE: Linda checks his wound, mad he hasn’t changed the dressing. Changes it.
END: Linda gets up to leave, JR’s cough sends them all into the man’s room.
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INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Linda and Natalie go to work: changing IV’s, checking vitals, etc.
MIDDLE: Clendon freaks, watches
END: Clendon asks Linda to stay the night; she agrees.
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INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gina sees the heart with the infinity sign in it and freaks out.
MIDDLE: Gina calls Lana, tells her; asks about Clendon
END: Gina tells Lana to talk w/ Clendon, tell him she loves him, that it’s her dad.
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EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon and Natalie go caroling w/ the neighbors.
MIDDLE: Natalie sees Clendon hand several old residents deeds to their home.
END: She is moved; kisses Clendon passionately, wants him.
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INT. CHURCH – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is kneeling, praying for his mother
MIDDLE: Lana joins him, tells him what Gina said
END: Clendon tells her, she wants to talk, she has to do it in person.
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INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Natalie does the laundry, finds a medical paper in his pants.
MIDDLE: She reads the DNA results, reads and realizes Clendon knows!
END: She storms down the stairs to his workout room.
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INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Natalie confronts Clendon, punches him.
MIDDLE: They fight, she is furious. She wants Clendon to kill her.
END: They end up making love on the floor.
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[3] Write the outlined scenes.
#1. INT. CAR – DAY
Clendon answers the call on the third ring and listens. The Private Investigator is blunt and to the point.
CLENDON “Toronto? Send all the photos. I’m going to text you an image. I want it magic-markered on Gina’s bedroom window tonight.”
Clendon hangs up, his more a look of loss.
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#2. INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – TWENTY MINUTES LATER
ANGLE ON Clendon. Frantic, he rummages through his mother’s WALK-IN CLOSET. Behind him, a chest of drawers and walnut bureau, both clearly ransacked.
At the vanity, contents of a jewelry box dumped across the granite counter top.
CLENDON “Where is it, mother?(wipes eyes) Your cross, it’s got to be here.”
ON HANDS AND KNEES, Clendon sweeps aside an entire row of shoes. Lifting up the strip of carpeting laid down under the shoe rack, he discovers a floor safe.
His surprise turns to a smile; it’s unlocked.
CLENDON “Well, well what else you hiding?”
He pulls out a photo album and a banded stack of hundred dollar bills. He returns to the vanity with the photo-album. The money, he stuffs in a jacket pocket.
#3. INSERT – PHOTO ALBUM
1. Ramirez, skinny girl, arms wrapped around a Christmas package.
2. Ramirez, in cap and gown standing at a podium.
3. Rookie, in uniform, outside the police academy.
4. Detective Ramirez in a wedding dress, man at her side in a military uniform.
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon’s surprise turns to something else. He FLIPS to the back of the album — STARES in disbelief.
#4. INSERT – PHOTOS
1. Mary’s Office – JR dressed as Santa at a carving station.
2. Park – Mary and JR posing together beside a bronze statue.
3. JR’s Cafe – Mary handing JR a framed dollar bill.
BACK TO SCENE.
Clendon SLAMS the album shut.
CLENDON “Of course you knew one another. Was he a business partner, mother? Is that what this is about? Did you two have a disagreement?”
Clendon sweeps the letters and other memorabilia off the counter and storms off with the photo album.
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#5. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon steps into the room, looks at JR’s unchanging child-like expression; it hurts him in a way he can’t explain.
CLENDON (hands at JR’s neck) “I don’t know why you did what you did. For Natalie’s sake, I won’t take you from her. Besides, mother wouldn’t want me to take a life…”
Clendon, leans down, their noses almost touching.
CLENDON “Did father put you up to it? Nod if he did. Did he?”
It is impossible to tell if his words have any effect. Clendon closes his eyes, heavy sigh, turns and leaves.
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#6. EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
Black Yukon SLIDES TO A STOP taking up two parking spaces. Clendon jumps out, slams the door shut.
INSIDE –
Clendon finds Ramirez at a corner table. Without so much as hello, he thrusts the photo album at her.
CLENDON “All this time you had me to believe you didn’t know my mother. Why?!”
RAMIREZ “It was Mary’s wish. She asked me to keep an eye on you in the event she got sick or passed.”
Clendon hesitates, not sure he wants to hear this.
RAMIREZ “Your mother was my sponsor; if wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be a detective. So, when she asked me to watch over you, I didn’t hesitate. “
CLENDON “JR knew my mother. I found receipts and holiday photos of her with him. He never said a word. (without segueing) His hair might’ve been in the house because he stopped by to visit.”
RAMIREZ “There’s no record of JR checking in at the entrance. I’ve gone over all the videos for that day. You told me the hair samples were Joe-Joe’s.”
CLENDON (deflects) “Mom’s crucifix wasn’t with her personal effects. She never took it off. Whoever killed her, has it.”
RAMIREZ “Good to know. I’ll make a note of it in her file… I know why you’re doing this and I can’t in good conscience let you.”
CLENDON “Look, I told you, he’s family. Besides, he’s not going anywhere.”
RAMIREZ “What’s to stop you from finishing what you set out to do?”
CLENDON “Yeah, now I can cry like everyone else. It sucks!”
RAMIREZ “There’s more to the grieving process. A good first step doesn’t mean you won’t back slide. I did.”
CLENDON “Coming to terms requires accepting what happened. My mother’s gone, that won’t change. Putting JR in prison won’t bring her back. It would destroy Natalie and I can’t have that. End of story.”
RAMIREZ “Keeping your mother’s killer in her house is a recipe for disaster.”
CLENDON “I worked with JR, saw him daily. I’ll tell the jury that. His hair was on my clothing. Reasonable doubt is all it takes.”
THAT STOPS Ramirez cold.
She is tempted to take offense. Her respect for Clendon is tinged with the realization he is at a crossroads and could easily become his father.
RAMIREZ “You’re right. The evidence is circumstantial. No weapon, no motive, no witnesses. Just so you know, I have an eyelash. Means he was in the room with Mary, up close: might’ve sneezed, something caused him to lose an eyelash. They just don’t fall out.”
Ramirez opens her purse, takes out a folded sheet of paper.
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#7. MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
Clendon recalls the POINSETTIA on his mother’s table, remembers the violent SNEEZE JR had in his office because of the poinsettia Natalie left for him.
BACK TO SCENE.
RAMIREZ “Destroy this. My mother was taken from me when I was half your age. I spent years where you are.”
Clendon scans the lab report; name reads, John Doe.
CLENDON “Thank-you. I know this isn’t easy for you. I promise, I won’t hurt him. Swear it on my mother’s soul.”
RAMIREZ “Go on, before I change my mind and arrest you… Here, this is yours.”
CLENDON “It belongs to you. But you have to make me a copy – now that we’re family.”
Clendon gives Ramirez a heart-felt hug. He reaches down, sets the brick of hundred dollar bills in her lap.
CLENDON “My turn to grope you.”
Clendon walks off. Ramirez checks her lap thinking he left her a book.
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#8. INT. VINTAGE CUISINE – LATER
Clendon walks up to his father’s table, surprised to find him alone. He takes up a chair across from him.
TREVOR “You said we needed to talk.”
CLENDON “I need to apologize for my behavior the other day.”
TREVOR “I get it, you’re manichean, it’s either black or white.”
CLENDON “Beats sleazy and self-rationalizing.”
TREVOR “Opinions and viewpoints, everyone is entitled, or do you feel free will is a lie too, son?”
CLENDON “I believe the way a person interprets his actions defines his character.”
TREVOR “Delusion or discernment, one person’s cooperation is another’s compromise.”
Clendon pushes away from the table.
CLENDON “I tried. Good night, father.”
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#9. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
In keeping with the season and Clendon’s proclivity for all things Christmas, he has on Santa Claus pajama pants and a colorful North Pole sweat-shirt.
Animated, he looks ten times better than he did this morning. His exuberance, albeit narcotically-enhanced, is contagious.
A weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
He sits facing Linda. Beside him, Natalie in a Rudolph tee-shirt, black Yoga pants and fuzzy, reindeer slippers.
LINDA “Have you been changing your dressing and disinfecting the wound twice a day?”
CLENDON “Yeah…about that.”
Natalie gives Linda a telling look.
LINDA “It’s not something to take lightly. Threat of infection is serious. When is the last time you changed those dressings?”
CLENDON “Yesterday — morning.”
Linda is up, out of her chair.
LINDA “I’ll be right back.”
She strides out of the room.
NATALIE (mouths: tisk-tisk-tisk) “You’ve done it now. She comes back with a syringe full of penicillin, I’m helping hold you down. (wicked smile) You know where the needle goes?”
CLENDON “You Benedict Arnold. I get a shot, you’re getting a spanking for ratting me out.”
NATALIE (blows a kiss) “Promises – promises.”
LINDA returns with gauze pads, tape, ointment and disinfectant; she sets the supplies on the coffee table.
LINDA “Take off your shirt.”
Natalie helps Clendon with the sweat shirt.
LINDA “Sit up. There, that’s better. (removes old dressing) Natalie, would you please turn on the room lights… Thank-you.”
Linda examines the wound, pleased.
LINDA “It appears to be healing. Any burning sensations?”
CLENDON “No, I will change the dressing twice a day, promise.”
Linda’s medical focus gives way to the needs of a woman staring at Klendon’s physical perfection.
LINDA “I better be going.”
Natalie gives Linda a hug. As Linda’s turns to leave, Natalie gives Clendon the eye gesturing for him to walk with her.
Obliging, Clendon follows Linda to the front door.
MOMENT LATER, RAGGED COUGH brings Natalie to her feet. In the hallway, she is met by Clendon and Linda. The three rush into JR’s room.
———————————————–
#10. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon watches Linda check vitals, change out IV bags. He waits for a lull, then goes to her.
CLENDON “Please, stay. There are five bedrooms upstairs. I can’t take another person dying in this house. I just can’t.”
LINDA “I’ll stay; it’s not a problem.”
An immense wave of relief washes over Clendon.
CLENDON “Thank you.”
He hugs her, then leaves the room And as the door closes…
———————————
#11. INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Another door OPENS — GINA flips on the room light, steps into her room.
She stares at the bedroom window — her eyes locked on the bold, red, outline of a HEART drawn on the window pane.
In a daze, she crosses the room — finds herself tracing the infinity symbol inside the heart — able to feel Clendon’s fingertip drawing it on the swell of her left breast.
Pulling the curtain shut, Gina slips under the bedcovers — stares up at the ceiling — lost in possibility.
The CAMERA surveys the bedroom. New four-poster bed, matching dresser, wall-mounted 60 inch flat-panel television — walk-in bathroom with garden tub and separate shower enclosure.
In the bg., we HEAR the unmistakable SOUNDS OF Gina pleasuring herself.
AFTERWARDS
Gina retrieves a prepaid phone from under the mattress, keys in a phone number committed to memory.
Staticy, she gives the disposable phone a dirty look.
GINA “Pick up – pick up…”
On the sixth ring, Lana’s voice reaches our ears.
GINA “I hurt Clendon when he needed me the most. I think he knows where I live.”
LANA “Probably a local boy crushing on you.”
GINA “With an infinity sign drawn inside the heart?!”
LANA “Oh God, is he stalking you?”
GINA “No, I haven’t seen him. Let Clendon know I love him, that I miss him… You can’t tell him about his dad! Promise me, Lana. (sniffles) I had to call and tell you.”
LANA “I’m glad you did. Couldn’t believe you guys were just, like gone. “
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#12. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clendon and Natalie are caroling with a dozen other residents from the neighborhood. Dressed in Dickens era clothing, they go from door-to-door singing Holiday classics.
Clendon on the guitar. Danbury, the next-door neighbor, toting a violin.
Guarded at first, Natalie feels the love these people have for one another is genuine, and is moved by it. Clendon’s leadership, his influence; everyone is touched by his presence, Natalie included.
We STEADICAM down the shoveled and salted sidewalk — CAMERA STOPPING ON the Timkins — mister and misses, with thermos of hot cider and a platter of cookies — an elderly couple who epitomize graciousness.
JACK TIMKINS, personable man with snowy head of hair and a neatly trimmed mustache.
Clendon hands Natalie his guitar, goes over and gives misses Timkins a sealed envelope.
Protective, even fierce, Natalie watches the elderly lady open the envelope — her hand covers her mouth in disbelief.
Clendon walks back, a smile from ear to ear. Natalie, having worked one summer for a bank, recognizes a property deed when she sees one.
Natalie stares at Clendon as he adjusts his guitar strap: wanting him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.
CLENDON “We’ve three more to deliver. Glad you took the night off, Nat. Feels right having you with me playing Santa. We make a good team.”
Natalie kisses him on the cheek — getting his attention — KISSING much more passionately as the carolers mingle to enjoy hot cider, spiced wine, and sugar cookies.
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#13. INT. CHURCH – DAY
Down on a kneeler facing a bank of candles, Clendon lights a remembrance candle for his mother. Making the Sign of the Cross, he bows his head in prayer.
Struggling with the injustice, wanting to blame God for not intervening, the prayer he recites on his mother’s behalf is muttered without meaning. Or hope.
LANA KNEELS DOWN next to him.
CLENDON “Lana… I didn’t know you were…”
LANA “A parish member, I’m not. I heard what you’re doing for Natalie and her father.”
CLENDON “Look, I know you’re not a fan, you have every right. For the record, your dad would’ve made a great mayor. The idiot in office is my father’s puppet. I’m sorry…
LANA “I don’t blame you, or hate you — you’re just… Look, I was afraid you were going to break Gina’s heart.
CLENDON “Ironic, considering who did the breaking — A dear John text. Who does that?! It’s so not like her.”
He fishes his phone out of a coat pocket, finds the saved text, hands Lana the cellphone. Not sure she wants to read it; Lana does so anyway.
Cold, even cruel, the words bring tears to her eyes knowing how badly it must’ve hurt Gina to send such a text.
CLENDON “Didn’t think I could feel anything, but this hurt — a lot.”
He deletes the text in front of her, pockets the phone.
LANA “I spoke with Gina last night.”
Lana shows Clendon the photograph of the heart stenciled on Gina’s bedroom window.
LANA “She told me to tell you, she misses you. It’s her father. He’s a hater.”
Clendon jumps to his feet, winces in pain, clutches his chest.
CLENDON Who’s he to judge?!
Seeing the frightened look on Lana’s face, Clendon settles back down on the kneeler.
CLOSE ON his hands trembling as presses them together in prayer.
CLENDON “Trevor Clendon Reedloc the third. I know he’s behind this — I know it.”
LANA “It wasn’t your father. Gina’s father doesn’t want her…”
CLENDON “Anywhere near a Reedloc. I get it.”
He looks Lana in the face, his expression cold and hurt.
CLENDON “Tell Gina, if she wants to talk to me, she’ll have to do so in person.”
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#14. INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
Tired, but in a good mood, Natalie marches into the laundry room. She reaches in the hamper for their clothing.
Thinking Clendon left money in one of his pants pocket, she pulls out a folded piece of paper. LOGO catches her eye:
INSERT – LOGO
TRI-MEDIC LABORATORIES
BACK TO SCENE
She unfolds the paper — sees the date, the requesting officer’s name — eyes the subject’s name: John Doe.
Reading over the results and genetic markers — her eyes narrow with anger — her greatest fear has been realized. He knows!
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#15. INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Without gloves or his wrists being wrapped, Clendon is pummeling a heavy bag. There’s a wet, red circle on the gauze pad taped to his chest.
Natalie strides into the room — PUNCHES Clendon’s shoulder to get his attention.
She throws the lab results in his face.
Clendon drops his hands, squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his mouth piece. He cannot go there.
Natalie’s PUNCH takes him square in the jaw. Mouth piece GOES FLYING.
Clendon drops to one knee. Dazed. His face says it all: what the hell?! He can’t believe she hit him.
Natalie attacks: raining punches at Clendon. One blow splits open the gash above his right eye.
Covering up — Clendon retaliates with a vicious LEG SWEEP — drops Natalie to the floor mat. Incredibly quick, she is up and attacking.
Her athleticism, no match for Clendon’s years of intense training. Clendon BODY SLAMS her to the mat.
NATALIE “I get my hands free, I’m going to break your face!”
Clendon pins her arms over her head.
NATALIE “How long have you known?!”
Clendon says nothing. Struggle as she might, Natalie cannot break his hold.
NATALIE “Fuck you! Finish it. “
She exposes her neck to Clendon — daring him.
CLENDON “Why’d he do it?! You even know?”
Pushing up with her hips, Natalie struggles; unable to dislodge him, fuels her anger. Blood from the GASH on Clendon’s forehead drips on her cheek.
NATALIE “No! I don’t. He didn’t say a word. God-damn him to hell! “
NATALIE’S FACE CRUMBLES AS SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
Clendon releases her. Natalie scrambles to her feet. Incredibly, she starts punching, kicking. Sobbing. Grief-stricken.
Seeing red, Clendon RETALIATES: HITS HER TWICE in rapid succession — LUNGES for her — his hands around her throat.
NATALIE “Do it! Do it! I can’t live with this… Kill me, Clendon!?
Her body goes limp — stops fighting — wanting death.
Sliding his hands away from her throat, pinning her head to the mat with her hair, Clendon does the unthinkable.
EXTREME CLOSE UP. Clendon’s lips mashing Natalie’s — forcing her mouth open.
Natalie REACTS: arms and legs curl around Clendon — as the two KISS violently — taste of blood in each other’s mouth — TEARING at their clothing — desperate for relief from an unbearable pain — from the betrayal of a man they both love.
On top, Natalie GRINDS her hips into Clendon with a shame she has never known — Climaxing together in a series moans and inarticulate cries: part pleasure, part pain.
PULL BACK — reveal a young man and woman clinging to one another: bloodied, trembling, gasping for breath, afraid to let go of one another.
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Clendon – Act 3 Turning Point
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How to build up the elements and keep the tension increasing in a measured manner.
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[2] Outline Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3.
INT/EXT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon receives a dear John text from Gina, breaking up with him. He drives to her house.
MIDDLE: Clendon discovers she is gone, the whole family has moved. He gets a text from Detective Ramirez. She knows who killed Mary and they have to meet and talk.
END: Disgusted, depressed, having lost his girl and having to deal with the detective who knows, he lies down in the snow and makes a snow angel. From this point forward, he realizes lies have taken everything from him. And yet, to save Natalie that is exactly what he must do. Lie! Black and white is now a world of grey —
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[3] Write Turning Point 3 – Protagonist faces their lowest low.
INT/EXT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
Clendon READS Gina’s text, hangs a U-turn, drives over to her parents’ home. He whips into the driveway. No cars, No one appears to be home.
He marches up to the front door, rings the bell. No answer. He goes to the living room window. Curtained, he can’t see inside.
At the side gate, reaches an arm over, unlatches it.
There is only snow. No foot prints, no signs of life. He peers in the patio window. Everything is in boxes!
Clendon’s world comes crashing in around him. On cue, he gets a text, quickly checks it – hoping it’s Gina… Instead:
INSERT – TEXT
“I have a second match. We need 2 talk. Meet me at Starbucks Silver and 6th – thirty minutes.”
Clendon texts back:
“Be there in 1 hour.”
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon collapses in a lounge chair covered in snow.
FLASHBACK – GINA AND KLENDON’S PATIO – PHOTO SESSION
Dressed for Homecoming…pinning her corsage, Gina pretends he poked her. Matching boutonniere on the lapel of Clendon’s jacket.
KISSING when Gina’s mother goes inside for her camera.
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon scoops up a handful of SNOW — scrubs his face with it — skin turns red.
CLENDON “First JR and now you! Fuck family and fuck – fuck all of this!”
Clendon reaches up as if to rip off his crucifix — recalls he gave it to Gina — recalls too, his mother’s was missing!
FLASHBACK – MORGUE
Clendon going through his mother’s personal effects: purse, wallet, credit cards, photos, bracelet, rings — no cross!
CLENDON (stunned) “I-I’ve got to –“ Hope dies as he realizes he has no idea who took his mother’s cross, or if indeed it was even taken.
BACK TO SCENE.
CLENDON “You don’t know shit.”
He drops to his knees in the snow, falls back. He throws his arms out and begins making an ANGEL in the snow.
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Clendon – Act 3 middle scenes
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How the process keeps you from writing the climax too quickly and leaving out a structural element that builds to the climax. The transformation/growth of the protagonist is something I did subconsciously but did not have a process down. It is well worthwhile. I like being able to tear apart the pieces and examine them for flaws, for ways to make them better.
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[2] Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3.
Scene 2 – new Plan:
BEGINNING: Clendon learns the DNA sample he gave the detective is a perfect match. He lies and tells the detective it was Joe-Joe’s hair sample.
MIDDLE: Upset, Clendon goes to his mother’s grave and has a one-sided conversation.
END: He is going to keep the truth from JR’s daughter, Natalie, at all costs.
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Scene 3 – things go well until…
BEGINNING: The detective takes a sample of JR’s hair and it is a perfect match with the killer’s.
MIDDLE: Detective Ramirez and Clendon talk about the DNA test results. Clendon tells Ramirez he will tell a jury the hair sample was on his clothes since he and JR worked together every day.
END: She agrees to let it go, gives him the test results.
(Clendon stopped the truth from being revealed, only to have Natalie discover it)
BEGINNING: Natalie doing laundry, comes across the lab results. Clendon forgot the DNA sample print out sheet in his pants pocket
MIDDLE: Natalie storms down to Clendon’s workout room and confronts him.
END: they go to blows; end up making love.
———————————————————————————————
[3] Write Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.
INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – LATER
ANGLE ON Clendon. Frantic as he rummages through his mother’s WALK-IN CLOSET — behind him, a chest of drawers and walnut bureau, both ransacked.
At the vanity, the contents of a jewelry box dumped across the granite counter top.
CLENDON “Where is it, mother? (wipes eyes) Your cross, it’s got to be here.”
ON HANDS AND KNEES, Clendon sweeps aside an entire row of shoes. Lifting up the strip of carpeting laid down under the shoe rack, he discovers a floor safe.
His surprise turns to a smile; it’s unlocked.
CLENDON “Well, well, what else you hiding?”
He pulls out a photo album and a banded stack of hundred dollar bills. He returns to the vanity with the photo-album. The money, he stuffs in a jacket pocket.
INSERT – PHOTO ALBUM
1. Ramirez, skinny girl, arms wrapped around a Christmas package.
2. Ramirez, in cap and gown standing at a podium.
3. Rookie, in uniform, outside the police academy.
4. Detective Ramirez in a wedding dress, man at her side in a military uniform.
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon’s surprise turns to something else. He FLIPS to the back of the album — STARES in disbelief.
INSERT – PHOTOS
1. JR dressed as Santa, platter of brisket in his hands.
2. Marry and JR posing together beside a park statue.
BACK TO SCENE.
Clendon SLAMS the album shut.
CLENDON “Of course you knew one another. Was he one of your business partners, mother? Is that what this is about? Did you two have a disagreement?”
Clendon sweeps the letters and other memorabilia off the counter and storms off with the photo album.
JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon steps into the room, looks down on JR whose unchanging child-like expression hurts him in a way he can’t explain.
CLENDON “I don’t know why you did what you did. For Natalie’s sake, I won’t take you from her. Besides, mother wouldn’t want me to take a life… Did father put you up to it?”
Clendon, leans down into JR’s face, their noses practically touching.
CLENDON “Nod if father put you up to it?”
It is impossible to tell if his words have any effect on the man. Clendon closes his eyes, heavy sigh, turns and leaves.
—————————————————
[4] Write Key Scene 3: Things go well, until…
EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
In the SLUSH and MELTING ICE — BLACK YUKON SLIDES TO A STOP taking up two parking spaces.
Clendon jumps out, slams the door shut.
INSIDE – he finds Ramirez at a corner table. Without so much as hello, he thrusts the photo album at her.
CLENDON “All this time you led me to believe you didn’t know my mother. Why?! “
RAMIREZ “It was Mary’s wish. She asked me to keep an eye on you in the event she got sick or passed.”
Clendon hesitates, not sure he wants to hear this.
RAMIREZ “Your mother was my sponsor; wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be a detective. She saved me. So, when she asked me to watch over you, I didn’t hesitate.”
CLENDON “JR knew my mother as well. I found receipts and holiday photos of her with him. He never said a word. (without segueing) His hair might’ve been in the house because he stopped by to visit.”
RAMIREZ “There’s no record of JR checking in at the entrance. I’ve gone over all the video footage for that day. You told me the hair samples were Joe-Joe’s.”
CLENDON “Mom’s crucifix wasn’t with her personal effects. She never took it off. Whoever killed her, has it. “
RAMIREZ “Good to know. I’ll make a note of it in her file. I know why you’re doing this and I can’t in good conscience let you.”
CLENDON “Look, I told you, he’s family. Besides, he’s not going anywhere. “
RAMIREZ “That’s what I’m afraid of. What’s to stop you from finishing what you set out to do?”
CLENDON “Coming to terms requires accepting what happened. My mother’s gone, that won’t change. Putting JR in prison won’t bring her back. It would destroy Natalie and I can’t have that. End of story.”
RAMIREZ “Keeping your mother’s killer in her house is a recipe for disaster.”
CLENDON “Let it go, I’m begging you. I worked with JR, saw him every day. I’ll tell the jury his hair and clothing fibers were on my clothes… Reasonable doubt is all it takes.”
THAT STOPS Ramirez cold. She is tempted to take offense.
RAMIREZ “You’re right. The evidence is circumstantial. No weapon, no motive, no witnesses. Just so you know, I have an eyelash. Means he was in the room with Mary, up close: might’ve sneezed, something caused him to lose an eyelash. They normally just don’t fall out.”
She opens her purse, takes out a folded sheet of paper.
MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
Clendon recalls the POINSETTIA on his mother’s table, remembers the violent SNEEZE JR had in his office because of the poinsettia Natalie left for him.
BACK TO SCENE
RAMIREZ “Destroy this. My mother was taken from me when I was half your age. I spent years where you are.”
Clendon scans the lab report; name reads, John Doe. He gives Ramirez a heart-felt hug, reaches down, sets the brick of hundred dollar bills in her lap.
CLENDON “My turn to grope you.”
Clendon turns and walks off. Ramirez looks in her lap thinking he left her a book.
———————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
Tired, Natalie marches into the laundry room, reaches in the hamper for dirty clothes.
Thinking Clendon left money in one of his pants pocket, she pulls out a folded piece of paper. LOGO catches her eye:
INSERT – LOGO
TRI-MEDIC LABORATORIES
BACK TO SCENE
She sees the date, requesting officer’s name — eyes the subject’s name: John Doe. Reading over the results – Natalie’s eyes narrow with anger — her greatest fear has been realized.
————————————–
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Without gloves or his wrists being wrapped, Clendon is pummeling a heavy bag. There’s a wet, red circle on the gauze pad taped to his chest.
Natalie strides into the room, throws the lab results in Clendon’s face.
Clendon drops his hands, squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his mouth piece. He cannot go there.
Natalie’s PUNCH takes him square in the jaw. Mouth piece GOES FLYING.
Clendon drops to one knee. Dazed. His face says it all. He can’t believe she just hit him.
Natalie attacks: raining punches at Clendon. One blow splits open the gash above his right eyebrow.
Clendon retaliates with a vicious LEG SWEEP — drops Natalie to the floor mat.
NATALIE “I get my hands free, I’m going to break your face!”
Klendon pins her arms over her head, says nothing.
NATALIE “Fuck you! Finish it.”
She exposes her neck to Clendon — daring him.
CLENDON “Why’d he do it?! You even know?”
NATALIE “NO! I DONT! He didn’t say a word.”
NATALIE’S FACE CRUMBLES AS SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
Clendon releases her.
Natalie scrambles to her feet. Incredibly, she starts punching, kicking. Sobbing. Grief-stricken.
Seeing red, Clendon RETALIATES: HITS HER TWICE in rapid succession — LUNGES for her — his hands around her throat.
NATALIE “Do it! Do it! I can’t live with this… Kill me!”
Sliding his hands away from her throat, pinning her head to the mat by her hair, Clendon does the unthinkable.
EXTREME CLOSE UP.
Clendon’s lips mashing Natalie’s — forcing her mouth open.
Natalie REACTS: arms and legs curl around Clendon — as the two KISS violently — taste of blood in each other’s mouth .
PULL BACK — reveal a young man and woman clinging to one another: bloodied, trembling, gasping for breath, afraid to let go of one another.
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Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? To trust in the process. I have found that off the outline, the scene writing is much faster.
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[2] Using your Beat Sheet, outline your Act 3 Key Scenes.
#1. INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon ransacks his mom’s bedroom looking for the necklace, for a clue
MIDDLE: He finds her secrets: she knew Ramirez since she was a girl, knew JR also!
END: Clendon storms off with photo album
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#2. EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon storms in and confronts Ramirez about her and his mother’s connection.
MIDDLE: Ramirez explains how his mother was her benefactor, she saved her life.
END: Clendon leaves her with the photo album and the brick of money.
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#3. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon, Natalie & Linda sitting enjoying hot cocoa and the season.
MIDDLE: Linda changes his dressing on the bullet wound, lectures him re: cleaning it.
END: JR COUGHS, all three of them rush into his bedroom.
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#4 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon and Natalie go caroling with his neighbors.
MIDDLE: Natalie sees Clendon gift his neighbors and is moved.
END: She kisses him passionately.
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#5 INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Natalie doing the laundry comes across the DNA test in Clendon’s pants pocket.
MIDDLE: She goes down to his workout room and confronts him; violently. They fight
END: End up making love there on the floor.
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#6. EXT/INT. MARY’S HOME – CHRISTMAS EVE DAY
BEGINNING: Ramirez calls on Clendon, has Xmas presents for him. She goes inside.
MIDDLE: Ramirez visits with the nurse, Linda, talk re: JR; he has only a few days left.
END: Ramirez tells Linda to watch Clendon, that she is EMT certified and will help.
———————————–
#7. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Natalie enters her father’s bedroom.
MIDDLE: Natalie tells him goodbye, show him Mary’s crucifix she found on his desk.
END: Natalie suffocates him with a pillow.
================================================================
[3] Write Key Scene 1: Reaction/Rethink.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>#1. INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – LATER
ANGLE ON Clendon. Frantic as he rummages through his mother’s WALK-IN CLOSET — behind him, a chest of drawers and walnut bureau, both ransacked.
At the vanity, contents of a jewelry box dumped across the granite counter top.
CLENDON “Where is it, mother? What are you hiding?”
ON HANDS AND KNEES, Clendon sweeps aside an entire row of shoes. Lifting up the strip of carpeting laid down under the shoe rack, he discovers a floor safe.
His surprise turns to a smile; it’s unlocked.
He pulls out a photo album and a banded stack of hundred dollar bills.
He returns to the vanity with the photo-album. The money, he stuffs in a jacket pocket.
INSERT – PHOTO ALBUM
1. Ramirez, skinny girl, arms wrapped around a Christmas package.
2. Ramirez, in cap and gown standing at a podium.
3. Rookie, in uniform, outside the police academy.
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon’s surprise turns to something else. He storms off with the photo album.
—————————————
#2. EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
In the SLUSH and MELTING ICE — BLACK YUKON SLIDES TO A STOP taking up two parking spaces.
Clendon jumps out, SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT.
INSIDE – he finds Ramirez at a corner table. Without so much as hello, he thrusts the photo album at her.
CLENDON “All this time you led me to believe you didn’t know my mother. Why?! “
RAMIREZ “It was Mary’s wish. She asked me to keep an eye on you in the event she got sick or passed.”
Clendon hesitates, not sure he wants to hear this.
RAMIREZ “Your mother was my sponsor; wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be a detective. She saved me. So, when she asked me to watch over you, I didn’t hesitate.”
CLENDON “JR knew my mother as well. I found receipts and holiday photos of her with him. He never said a word. (without segueing) His hair might’ve been in the house because he stopped by to visit.”
RAMIREZ “There’s no record of JR checking in at the entrance. I’ve gone over all the video footage for that day. You told me the hair samples were Joe-Joe’s.”
CLENDON “Mom’s crucifix wasn’t with her personal effects. She never took it off. Whoever killed her, has it. “
RAMIREZ “Good to know. I’ll make a note of it in her file. I know why you’re doing this and I can’t in good conscience let you.”
CLENDON “Look, I told you, he’s family. Besides, he’s not going anywhere. “
RAMIREZ “That’s what I’m afraid of. What’s to stop you from finishing what you set out to do?”
CLENDON “Yeah, now I can cry like everyone else. It sucks!
RAMIREZ “There’s more to the grieving process. A good first step doesn’t mean you won’t back slide. I did.”
CLENDON “Coming to terms requires accepting what happened. My mother’s gone, that won’t change. Putting JR in prison won’t bring her back. It would destroy Natalie and I can’t have that. End of story.
RAMIREZ “Keeping your mother’s killer in her house is a recipe for disaster.”
CLENDON “Let it go, I’m begging you. I worked with JR, saw him every day. I’ll tell the jury his hair and clothing fibers were on my clothes… Reasonable doubt is all it takes.”
THAT STOPS Ramirez cold. She is tempted to take offense.
RAMIREZ “You’re right. The evidence is circumstantial. No weapon, no motive, no witnesses. Just so you know, I have an eyelash. Means he was in the room with Mary, up close: might’ve sneezed, something caused him to lose an eyelash. They normally just don’t fall out.”
She opens her purse, takes out a folded sheet of paper.
MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
Clendon recalls the POINSETTIA on his mother’s table, remembers the violent SNEEZE JR had in his office because of the poinsettia Natalie left for him.
BACK TO SCENE
RAMIREZ “Destroy this. My mother was taken from me when I was half your age. I spent years where you are.”
Clendon scans the lab report; name reads, John Doe. He gives Ramirez a heart-felt hug, reaches down, sets the brick of hundred dollar bills in her lap.
CLENDON “My turn to grope you.”
Clendon turns and walks off. Ramirez looks in her lap thinking he left her a book.
———————————————–
#3. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
In keeping with the season and Clendon’s proclivity for all things Christmas, he has on Santa Claus pajama pants and a colorful North Pole sweat-shirt.
Animated, he looks a thousand times better than he did this morning. His exuberance, albeit narcotically-enhanced, is contagious.
He sits facing Linda. Beside him, Natalie in a Rudolph tee-shirt, black Yoga pants and fuzzy, reindeer slippers.
LINDA “Have you been changing your dressing and disinfecting the wound twice a day?”
CLENDON “Yeah…about that.”
Natalie gives Linda a telling look.
LINDA “It’s not something to take lightly. Threat of infection is serious. When is the last time you changed the dressing?”
CLENDON “Yesterday — morning.”
Linda is up, out of her chair.
LINDA “I’ll be right back.”
She strides out of the room.
NATALIE (mouths: tisk-tisk-tisk) “You’ve done it now. She comes back with a syringe full of penicillin, I’m helping hold you down. (wicked smile) You know where the needle goes?”
CLENDON “You Benedict Arnold. I get a shot, you’re getting a spanking for ratting me out.”
NATALIE (blows a kiss) “Promises – promises.”
LINDA returns with gauze pads, tape, ointment, bottle of disinfectant; she sets them on the coffee table.
LINDA “Take off your shirt. Sit up. There, that’s better. (removes old dressing) Natalie, would you please turn on the room lights… Thank-you.”
Clendon sits perfectly still: He SHIVERS without knowing it.
LINDA “Pleased there is no visible sign of infection at either the entry or exit point — unaware Clendon is struggling emotionally.
LINDA “It appears to be healing just fine. Any burning sensations?”
Natalie realizes Clendon’s spaced out, SNAPS HER FINGER.
CLENDON “Listen, I’d really rather…your mom, she was force.”
Natalie laughs. Linda smiles, starts to clean up the mess when Brendon stops her:
CLENDON “I got this, thank you. I will change the dressing twice a day.”
Linda’s medical focus gives way to the needs of a woman staring at Clendon’s physical perfection.
LINDA “I’d better be going.”
Natalie gives Linda a hug.
LINDA “Make sure he changes the dressings.”
As Linda’s turns to leave, Natalie gives Klendon the eye gesturing for him to walk with her.
Clendon follows Linda to the front door.
CLENDON (unlocks dead bolt) “Thank-you for everything. I’m making sausage and eggs in the morning. You’re welcome to join us.”
LINDA “I’ll be here. I want to make sure JR isn’t developing a pneumonia. He spiked a fever earlier today.”
CLENDON “If something happens during the night, may I call you?”
LINDA “Certainly, you have my number.”
Clendon returns to the living room, stops at the fireplace, throws a log on the coals before rejoining Natalie.
NATALIE “You could have tapped that.”
Clendon rolls his eyes, reaches for his sweatshirt.
CLENDON “Sorry, my radar’s broken.”
NATALIE “I could be your girl. Fix you up.”
CLENDON “Incest, no thanks… Thought you said white boys were – awkward.”
NATALIE “My mother was from Italy, Dad’s an eighth Irish. Makes me white, brown, and black. You know you’re just rehearsing with Barbie… Where is she? Bet you a kiss you aren’t even Facebook official.
CLENDON “Rehearsing?”
NATALIE “You aren’t… I checked. (purses her lips) Pay up. Don’t make me wait for it white bread.
Natalie pulls him into her, their lips come together in a kiss that turns into an open-mouth tongue mating session.
SEASONAL THEME OF THE DOOR BELL DESTROYS THE MOMENT and is followed a moment later by the resonant CHIMING of the grandfather clock.
Natalie looks at Clendon, whose confusion says it all.
CLENDON “Speaking of awkward.”
MOMENTS LATER, A RAGGED COUGH brings Natalie to her feet.
In the hallway, she’s met by Linda. The three rush into JR’s room.
———————————————
#4. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clendon and Natalie are caroling with a dozen other residents from the neighborhood. Clendon on the guitar. Danbury, his next -door neighbor, toting a violin.
Natalie feels the love these people have for one another is genuine, and is moved by it.
We STEADICAM down the shoveled and salted sidewalk — CAMERA STOPPING ON the Timkins — mister and misses, with thermos of hot cider and a platter of cookies — an elderly couple who epitomize graciousness.
JACK TIMKINS, personable man with snowy head of hair and a neatly trimmed mustache.
Clendon hands Natalie his guitar, goes over and gives misses Timkins a sealed envelope.
Natalie watches the elderly lady open the envelope — her hand covers her mouth in disbelief.
Clendon walks back, a smile from ear to ear. Natalie, having worked one summer for a bank, recognizes a property deed when she sees one.
Natalie stares at Clendon as he adjusts his guitar strap: wanting him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.
CLENDON “We’ve three more to deliver.” (shoulder nudge) Glad you took the night off, Nat. Feels right having you with me playing Santa. We make a good team.”
Natalie kisses him on the cheek — getting his attention — KISSING much more passionately as the carolers mingle to enjoy hot cider, spiced wine, and sugar cookies.
————————————-
#5. INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
Tired, Natalie marches into the laundry room, reaches in the hamper for clothing.
Thinking Clendon left money in one of his pants pocket, she pulls out a folded piece of paper. LOGO catches her eye:
INSERT – LOGO
TRI-MEDIC LABORATORIES
BACK TO SCENE
She sees the date, requesting officer’s name — eyes the subject’s name: John Doe.
Reading over the results — her eyes narrow with anger — her greatest fear has been realized.
————————————–
#6. INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Without gloves or his wrists being wrapped, Clendon is pummeling a heavy bag. There’s a wet, red circle on the gauze pad taped to his chest.
Natalie strides into the room, throws the lab results in Clendon’s face.
Clendon drops his hands, squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his mouth piece. He cannot go there.
Natalie’s PUNCH takes him square in the jaw. Mouth piece GOES FLYING.
Clendon drops to one knee. Dazed. His face says it all. He can’t believe she just hit him.
Natalie attacks: raining punches at Clendon. One blow splits open the gash above his right eyebrow.
Clendon retaliates with a vicious LEG SWEEP — drops Natalie to the floor mat.
NATALIE “I get my hands free, I’m going to break your face!”
Clendon pins her arms over her head, says nothing.
NATALIE “Fuck you! Finish it.”
She exposes her neck to Clendon — daring him.
CLENDON “Why’d he do it?! You even know?”
NATALIE “NO! I DONT! He didn’t say a word.”
NATALIE’S FACE CRUMBLES AS SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
Clendon releases her.
Natalie scrambles to her feet. Incredibly, she starts punching, kicking. Sobbing. Grief-stricken.
Seeing red, Clendon RETALIATES: HITS HER TWICE in rapid succession — LUNGES for her — his hands around her throat.
NATALIE “Do it! Do it! I can’t live with this… Kill me!”
Sliding his hands away from her throat, pinning her head to the mat by her hair, Clendon does the unthinkable.
EXTREME CLOSE UP.
Clendon’s lips mashing Natalie’s — forcing her mouth open.
Natalie REACTS: arms and legs curl around Clendon — as the two KISS violently — taste of blood in each other’s mouth — TEARING at their clothing — desperate for relief from an unbearable pain — from the betrayal of a man they both love.
PULL BACK — reveal a young man and woman clinging to one another: bloodied, trembling, gasping for breath, afraid to let go of one another.
—————————
#7. EXT/INT. MARY’S HOME – CHRISTMAS EVE DAY
Detective Ramirez stares at the Christmas wreath on the front door. She gives the door bell another ring, not sure Clendon’s home — when the door OPENS.
CLENDON(eyes presents) “You should’nt’ve. Please, come in.”
Ramirez notices his cut lip and shiner, sees his knuckles. The detective in her on high alert.
RAMIREZ (hands top present) “This one’s for you. The other one is for Natalie.”
Moved, Clendon takes the presents off her hands, sets them on the entry way bench. He leads the way into the living room, walks over to the wet bar.
CLENDON “Can I get you something to drink?”
RAMIREZ “Eggnog, no thanks.”
CLENDON “Seriously, what’s your poison?”
RAMIREZ “Drinking with a minor, what is this world coming to… Scotch, if you have it.”
CLENDON “Single malt or blend?”
RAMIREZ “Surprise me. How’s Mister Foster doing?”
CLENDON “Linda’s got him on antibiotics for his fever. She’s with him now.”
Clendon pulls out a beautiful bottle, pours two fingers, places one oversized ice cube in the glass, gives it a swirl.
RAMIREZ “Can I pop in, say hello?”
CLENDON “Down the hallway, second door on the left.”
Ramirez gives the scotch a taste and is blown away,
RAMIREZ “Oh my God, that’s incredible!”
CLENDON “Macallan M. Highland Single Malt. Mary’s favorite.”
RAMIREZ “Be right back.”
Clendon waits till she is out of sight, then reaches in the cupboard and retrieves an unopened bottle of the scotch.
He rushes into the den for a liquor sack and a bow.
———————-
#8. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Natalie stands at her father’s bedside. Cold. Remote. In her hand, a cell phone, she cues up a SONG.
NATALIE (little girl voice) “It’s your favorite, Daddy.”
She looks down at her father with a moment’s pity.
NATALIE “It’s time, daddy.”
Natalie DANGLES Mary’s crucifix. JR’s eyes widen slightly: Did he recognize it? Impossible to tell.
NATALIE (reaches for spare pillow) “I love you.”
JR stares up at us… and as the pillow COVERS HIS FACE, the Christmas carol bleeds in…
NAT KING COLE, “Sleep in heavenly peace…”
THE END.
-
Clendon – Completed Act 2 Draft 1
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? The process works! It allows the writer to tackle the structural elements one at a time. Building a script using this system prevents the writer from overlooking or glossing over a necessary element in the story. I’m a huge fan of processes and implementing this system has taken my work to the next level.
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[2] Outline any scenes that you haven’t gotten to from Act 2.
#1. EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Detective Ramirez searches for Clendon at Graveyard.
MIDDLE: She finds Clendon, he’s hyperthermic but alive!
END: She helps him to her car.
——————
#2. INT. CAR – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon tells her he has a hole in his chest, it’s not getting better.
MIDDLE: Detective assures him it will get better.
END: Clendon tells her he used to believe in right and wrong, just wants to kill whomever murdered his mother.
——————
#3. INT. JR’S KITCHEN – LATE NIGHT
BEGINNING: JR is working in the kitchen.
MIDDLE: He has a stroke and goes down.
END: He lies on the floor unconscious.
——————
#4. EXT. PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: JR meets with his Private Investigator.
MIDDLE: JR tells him what he wants, it is NOT what he and Clendon discussed.
END: JR pays him in cash.
——————
#5. INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
BEGINNING: Ramirez at a whiteboard brainstorming with her partners.
MIDDLE: They know the evidence was planted, it was premeditated hit.
END: Ramirez goes over the report again and finds a clue!
——————
#6. INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE – MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon storms into his dad’s office.
MIDDLE: Clendon accuses him of murdering his mother.
END: Trevor (dad) denies it; tells Clendon his mother was righteous.
——————
#7. INT. MARY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EARLY EVENING
BEGINNING: Clendon makes dinner for his girl, Gina.
MIDDLE: They talk, Clendon tells her he is losing it.
END: The two make out on the couch.
——————-
#8. EXT. SYLVAN PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon in his SUV begins setting up food for the homeless
MIDDLE: Detective Ramirez shows up, going to arrest him; he talks her into helping him.
END: Clendon tells her he went to see her “shrink” and it helped.
——————-
#9. TIMECUT: PARK — RAMIREZ HANDING OUT SANDWICHES
BEGINNING: feeding the homeless, a man steps up and points a gun at Clendon.
MIDDLE: Joe-Joe steps in; he’s shot; shooter runs off crazy-like.
END: Ramirez arrests shooter, goes back to find Clendon has been shot too.
——————-
#10. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon wakes up in hospital room.
MIDDLE: Ramirez is there with him. They talk.
END: Ramirez tells him, she has the results back on the DNA test.
——————-
#11. FLASHBACK – INT. JR’s OFFICE – BATHROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon in JR.s bathroom, takes hair sample from his brush.
MIDDLE: Knows what he is thinking is crazy.
END: Does it anyway as he has his doubts.
——————-
#12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Ramirez needs a name.
MIDDLE: Clendon lies, tells her it was Joe-Joe
END: Ramirez asks questions, has her suspicions re: Joe-Joe, lets it go.
——————-
#13. INT. GINA’S HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
BEGINNING: Gina learns they are moving to Canada.
MIDDLE: Gina figures out it is for a job – his old job at the brewery.
END: She gets pissed, as they wanted her to stop seeing Clendon because of his last name and the fact he was the son of the brewery owner.
——————-
#14. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
BEGINNING: JR comes in bearing a platter of BBQ,
MIDDLE: Clendon acts like nothing is wrong. They talk, JR tells him he is going to focus his time and energy on the café; that the homeless project his daughter and he can handle.
END: After JR leaves, Clendon pushes the platter of BBQ away from him.
——————-
#15. INT. MARY’S HOME – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Natalie and Clendon are wrapping Xmas presents for the homeless children.
MIDDLE: Natalie tickles Clendon to get him to smile; they have a moment.
END: Natalie tells him: “ Love doesn’t go away because a person does. Your mother’s love should make you smile. Most of us never experience that kind of love.”
——————-
#16. JR’s CAFE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: JR working in the kitchen
MIDDLE: JR has a heart attack and drops.
END: JR is unconscious
—————————-
#17. EXT. GRAVESITE – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is trying to pray for his mother.
MIDDLE: Clendon thanks her for the idea; for the homeless shelter idea.
END: Clendon tells his mom, JR is going to explain himself; he’s not going to kill him.
—————————
#18. INT. CAR – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon driving
MIDDLE: Gets a text, checks it. Msg is from Natalie, it reads:
END: “Daddy’s had a stroke!”
—————————-
#19. INT. HOSPITAL – ICU – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon walks in room, finds Natalie distraught.
MIDDLE: Natalie upset, tells him they didn’t have insurance.
END: Clendon tells her they will be staying at his home.
—————————
#20. INT. LIMOUSINE – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina gets in a limousine.
MIDDLE: Clendon’s father, Trevor, black mails her into sending Clendon a “dear John” letter..
END: Crying, Gina begins typing the letter and texts it to Clendon.
—————————-
#21. INT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon driving, gets Gina’s text
MIDDLE: He heads directly over to her house. No one is there. Looks in window, all boxed up.
END: He gets a text from Detective, tells him she has a second match; need to talk.
*Clendon’s low point: the truth is out, his girl has left and he has to face the detective and keep her from ruining Natalie’s life.
—————————
#22. FLASHBACK – MORGUE
BEGINNING: Clendon recalls being there.
MIDDLE: He is going through his mother’s personal belongings, discovers her cross is gone.
END: That is a huge clue! Whoever killed her took her cross.
———————————————————————————————
[3] Write out those scenes.
#1. Opening Scene – ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
RESUME SAME MOMENT: Detective Ramirez checks Clendon’s neck for a pulse: Thank-you, Lord!
RAMIREZ (shakes Clendon) “Wake up. You need to stand up?”
Disoriented, out of it, Clendon’s eyes flutter open.
CLENDON (reaches for snow-globe) “Came to be with mother.”
He stares at Ramirez. Lost. Hypothermic.
RAMIREZ “Can you stand? Where’s your car?”
CLENDON “I walked.”
Ramirez has to physically help Clendon to his feet: her arm around his waist, hand gripping the belt to his pants.
#2. INT. CAR – LATER
Slumped over, head propped against the passenger window, Clendon stares into the darkness.
CLENDON “This hole in my chest won’t go away.”
RAMIREZ “It’ll get better. Listen, I’m here for you. Your mother, God rest her soul, would not want this for you.”
CLENDON “I always believed there was this divine of right and wrong; black and white. A line you don’t cross: like stealing, or lying, or murder. I want to kill whoever did this.”
Ramirez, torn: between her promise to Mary, her duty as a law enforcement officer.
——————————-
#3. INT. JR’S KITCHEN – LATE NIGHT
JR, wearing gloves and carrying a bowl filled with a wet barbecue rub, stops at the first smoker.
JR (opens cast-iron door) “Time to butter your rumps.”
With a mop brush, JR sauces the meat.
Without so much as a glance over his shoulder, JR takes out legal papers from his apron pouch and TOSSES them onto the burning oak in the hopper below.
CLOSE ON papers lying on the coals: promissory notes made out to Mary Masters.
JR (at a whisper) “Days of me beholdin’ no more; nights slaving over these smokers to feed the indigent, no more.”
He STARES at the documents curling, turning to ASH.
———————————–
#4. EXT. PARK – DAY
Overcast and drizzling, JR walks along the walkway with an umbrella. At the duck pond, he watches RAINDROPS turn the water’s surface into popping grease.
JR studies the gait of a man, as he appears and approaches from the north. The torso and face are hidden under an umbrella, but the gait is unmistakable.
Recognizing Tic’s stride puts a smile on his face.
Tic walks up, breaks down his umbrella and steps in under JR’s oversized umbrella.
JR flashes a handful of hundred dollar bills.
JR “Need dirt on a dirt bag.”
TIC “Shakedown or photos for a divorce attorney.”
JR “Evidence for the police.”
TIC pockets the money.
TIC “Be in touch.”
TIC flicks open his umbrella and walks off.
—————————————
#5. INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Ramirez, at a chalkboard filled with bubbles and arrows connects names and places, times and dates.
RAMIREZ (forensics report in hand) “We can rule out the hair samples, they were a plant. Proves one thing, it was premeditated.”
RILEY “Three different racial groups at the scene, ya think. You’re taking this case personally. Why?”
Ramirez shoots him a dirty look. Back off!
RAMIREZ “Whoever the shooter is, they know placement: one shot to the heart, close range… This wasn’t random.”
RILEY “My money’s on the Ex. He’s alibied up, at a conference in Canada.”
RAMIREZ “We need to take a look at Mr. Reedloc’s bank accounts.”
RILEY “Already on it. The man moves large sums of money around daily. Nothing suspicious.”
With a highlighter, Ramirez UNDERLINES the words: head hairs, four different DNA’s.
RAMIREZ “There were no pubic hairs, thank God! Neither were there any chest hairs or limb hairs at the scene.”
IT HITS HER!
HOLD ON tip of yellow marker CIRCLING THE PHRASE: one eyebrow/eyelash hair.
—————————————-
#6. INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE – MINUTES LATER
Clendon stands before his father. A massive desk separates the two men.
TREVOR “First, I don’t owe you a thing. Second, I have no idea what you’re accusing me of. Elaborate, please.”
Trevor reaches in, under his desk and depresses a button.
CLENDON “Mother’s murder, don’t play stupid; it’s unbecoming, father.”
TREVOR “Your mother’s death was not at my hands. I was in Canada at the time. Mary was a misguided do-gooder. I despise what she stood for, but I respected her integrity.”
—————————————–
#7. INT. MARY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EARLY EVENING
Rosewood dining table: pair of flickering candles. In the b.g., Kenny G. Holiday music. Gina watches Clendon serve dinner. Despite his attention to detail, she knows he is struggling.
GINA “What happened last night? Tell me you spoke to Dr. Argent.”
CLENDON “Seems physical confrontation is my coping mechanism, way I process.”
GINA “Fighting? That makes no sense. You’re kind and you’re giving.”
CLENDON (to himself as much as her) “I made a thermos of cocoa — walked until I found myself standing at mother’s grave — holding a snow globe she gave me one Christmas.”
GINA “That’s where detective Ramirez found you?”
Clendon nods, walks to the wet bar, grabs a crystal decanter of liquor off a shelf.
CLENDON “Seems I have to immerse myself in grief in order to draw it out.”
His self-deprecating laugh, a pained sound, ends with him holding the decanter to his lips: DRINKING. CHOKING.
Gina rushes over, takes the liquor bottle away from him.
CLENDON “Hit me.” (taps his chin) “Hard as you can. Here…”
GINA “Stop it! I’m not going to hit you.”
Shocked by the sudden change in his behavior, Gina takes charge: she walks him over to the couch, makes him sit.
CLENDON “Sorry. Don’t mean to be Johnny Rain Cloud. I need an ice-pick lobotomy.”
GINA “Or the love of a girl who thinks the world of you.”
She presses her ear in against his chest, she murmurs: “Two years ago, I lost my little sister to a brain tumor. It still hurts. Loss takes time to accept.”
CLENDON “I woke up in tears. Realized I’m never going to hear my mother say my name, or smell her cooking. I miss her so much.”
Gina eases Clendon back, against the couch — her hands move up, into his hair — massaging his scalp.
Pressing intimately into him, the embrace leads to an open-mouth kiss — Clendon’s hands finding a life of their own, slide up, inside her pleated skirt.
————————————
#8. EXT. SYLVAN PARK – DAY
SUV comes to a stop twenty feet from the concrete benches at the northern end of the park. Driver door OPENS.
Clendon hops out in festive garb: sporting a bright holiday scarf and matching sweater. He moves quickly to the back of the SUV, begins unloading trays of sandwiches.
Hurrying to get things ready, Clendon fails to see Ramirez step out of hiding.
RAMIREZ “You’re persistent, if nothing else.”
Bent over, reaching inside for a tray of the sandwiches, Clendon JUMPS — WHACKS himself — backs out rubbing the top of his head.
RAMIREZ “I should arrest you, you know that.”
CLENDON “I’ll gladly go to jail. First, let me feed these people. It’s freezing out; they have to eat.”
Ramirez relents. Against her better judgment.
RAMIREZ “Thank you for seeing Dr. Argent. Was the hardest thing I ever did. In the end, it saved my life.”
——————————
#9. TIMECUT: PARK — RAMIREZ HANDING OUT SANDWICHES — FEELING BETTER THAN SHE HAS FELT IN FOREVER.
Clendon, manning the beverage station: handing children hot cocoa and candy canes, dispensing hot coffee to the adults. On a first name basis with virtually everyone.
Fifteen feet away, an unshaven man in fatigues, steps out of line — PULLS A REVOLVER — points it at Clendon who is handing juice to a toddler.
Joe-Joe, standing beside Clendon, SEES AND REACTS — years of military training superseding fear — as we CUT TO:
Ramirez hands a visibly pregnant woman two sandwiches, asks:
RAMIREZ “Is it a boy, or a girl?”
And as the young woman gives a frown — GUNSHOT RINGS OUT!
In ULTRA SLOW-MOTION, we TRACK the BULLET as it PUNCHES A HOLE in Joe-Joe’s chest — FRACTURING A RIB — PUNCTURING A LUNG — nicking the Subclavian artery on its way through the chest cavity — EXITING in a SPRAY OF BLOOD —
— .45 CALIBER SLUG PLOWING INTO AND STRAIGHT THROUGH CLENDON who doesn’t realize he’s been shot. His attention on Joe-Joe who CRUMPLES AND FALLS into his arms.
SHOOTER RUNS OFF — WAVING THE GUN like a flag on race day.
RAMIREZ SEES Joe-Joe whispering in Klendon’s ear. She SPRINTS after the gun-totting man.
Ramirez HANDCUFFS the assailant to an empty park bench — RUNS back to where everyone has gathered.
She drops beside Clendon, takes one look at the man lying in his arms — amount of blood, wound location — knows it’s a fatal shot.
CLENDON “Joe-Joe, stay with me. Help is on the way. You’re going to be okay.”
JOE-JOE (voice drifts off) “Love ya… You da’ man.”
Joe-Joe goes limp, eyes staring into eternity.
RAMIREZ (hand on Clendon’s shoulder) “He’s gone.” Stepping away, Ramirez calls for CSI and the coroner.
CLENDON closes Joe-Joe’s eyes, and as he attempts to stand, it hits him — STABBING BOLT OF PAIN FILLS HIS CHEST!
Gritting his teeth, Clendon gets to his feet — takes three steps — DROPS to his knees — SPITS UP BLOOD. Drained. Weak.
Unaware Clendon’s been shot, Ramirez’s first thought, he’s in shock — until she sees blood in the snow.
RAMIREZ (rushes over) “Stay down. You’ve been shot. Lie back… Don’t move.”
—————————————–
#10. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Private room. Hushed sounds of mechanical apparatus: machines monitoring, regulating fluids and recording vitals.
Clendon sitting up in bed: eyes glazed, hair in a lose pony tail, IV Morphine drip working its magic.
Clendon (reaches for ice chips) “You know that’s twice now.”
RAMIREZ (sets Seduko aside) “Twice, what? You’ve avoided jail?”
Ramirez gets up, stands at the foot of his bed. She stares at him — knowing he knows.
RAMIREZ “ The results came back today.”
————————–
#11 TP – FLASHBACK – INT. JR’s OFFICE – BATHROOM – DAY
Cramped. Utilitarian. Clendon UNZIPS and as he relieves himself, he looks at the sink — HOLD ON JR’s hairbrush.
Biting his bottom lip, knowing what he’s thinking is crazy — a betrayal of their friendship. Worse. Clendon grabs the hairbrush, pulls strands of hair from the bristles, shoves them in his pocket.
BACK TO SCENE.
—————————–
#12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Detective Ramirez steps around the bed. Stands beside Clendon.
RAMIREZ “They are a perfect match!”
Clendon stares at her in stark disbelief. That’s not possible!
Ramirez lays a hand on Clendon’s blanketed thigh.
RAMIREZ “You’ve got to give me a name.”
CLENDON (lies) “He died saving me; think he paid the ultimate price.”
RAMIREZ “How did he know your mother?”
CLENDON “I have no idea. At this point, I don’t care.”
RAMIREZ (suspicious) “What made you think it was Joe-Joe?”
CLENDON “Something he said the other day at the shelter. Look, I don’t want to talk about it, think about it. I’m through being pissed. I didn’t even get to find out why Joe-Joe did it. I can’t decide if karmic justice was served, or just a pointless act perpetrated by a deranged person.”
RAMIREZ (knows there’s more) “Okay, I get it. You’ve had a helluva day.”
———————————
#13. INT. GINA’S HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
BREAKFAST TABLE
Plate of crispy bacon beside a platter of scrambled eggs. Gina stares at the feast, something is up. Monique sets a pitcher of orange juice on the table, glances sideways at her daughter.
MONIQUE “Your father’s got fantastic news.”
Gina stares at the glass pitcher watching citrus pulp spinning in circles. Reminded of sperm, it makes her smile.
DUSTIN “You ready, pumpkin? Ontario will be this family’s rebirth.
GINA “What are you talking about? (glances from dad to mom) As in — we’re moving?”
Dustin nods.
GINA “You’ve got to be kidding. Another friggin country? No way!”
Monique intercedes.
MONIQUE “Honey, it’s beautiful there. Your father’s been offered an incredible opportunity.”
GINA “All my friends are here. I have to graduate with my class. Can’t it wait until May?”
DUSTIN “No, we’re broke. We need the money.”
GINA “This is great (air quotes) opportunity wouldn’t involve getting your old job back at the brewery, would it?”
Gina jumps to her feet, house robe comes undone.
GINA “I can’t date his son because he’s a Reedloc, but his father waves a paycheck and you come running? You make me sick!”
She RUSHES OUT of the kitchen.
——————————————-
#14. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
JR eases the door open, peeks in. Clendon, sitting up in bed:
CLENDON “JR, my man, come in.”
Clendon stares at the aluminum, take-out tub in JR’s hands.
CLENDON “OhmyGod, you didn’t. Tell me it’s what I think it is.”
JR “Added the ground coffee beans and ginger powder to the rub like you suggested. Nat will be by later.”
CLENDON “How’s it taste?”
JR (smiles his all-is-right-with-the-world smile) “Callin’ it Clendon’s camp-style brisket. New menu item as of today.”
JR sets the meat container on the bed tray next to Clendon.
JR “Been thinkin’ on things and come the new year, I gotta put all my efforts into the cafe. We on the edge of breakin’ out. You and Natalie welcome to use the van, same as always. “
CLENDON “No worries. You do whatcha gotta do. (re: brisket) Thanks, hospital food is the worst.”
Clendon watches JR leave, waits till the door closes before SHOVING the tray with the meat away from him.
On wheels, it rolls halfway across the room. He can’t bring himself to say what he is thinking.
————————————–
#15. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Strewn across the floor: rolls of scotch tape and wrapping paper — bags of colored bows, glittery to-from cards. Clendon and Natalie wrap presents to the Christmas magic of Michael Bluble.
Against the far wall, a mountain of toys in need of wrapping.
NATALIE (sips cocoa) “You’re the only person I know that makes hot chocolate from scratch. It’s delish. Thank you.”
Clendon kneeling in front of the fireplace, poker in hand.
CLENDON “It’s mother’s recipe. She always made it when we…(can’t find the words)
NATALIE “What’s going on?”
CLENDON “With?”
NATALIE “You and my father. He say something to you?”
CLENDON “I’ve been getting that a lot lately. It’s me. Your father hasn’t said a thing.”
NATALIE “He’s not himself. I thought you two had words.”
Clendon starts to get up; Natalie gently bowls him over.
NATALIE (straddles him) “I know you remember this…”
CLENDON “You crazy? Get off me, I mean it.”
Natalie’s fingers dig into his sides.
Squirming, Clendon is unable to buck her off – LAUGHING – SWEARING REVENGE – LAUGHING HARDER – redoubling his efforts to no avail – UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER ENSUES.
Clendon, unaware tears are leaking from the corners of his eyes or that his laughter sounds a lot like crying.
Natalie stops, takes his face in her hands, kisses the tears on his cheek.
NATALIE “Love doesn’t go away because a person does. Your mother’s love should make you smile. Most of us never experience that kind of love.”
—————————————–
#16. INT. JR’S CAFÉ – AFTERNOON
Sweating profusely, JR reaches into one of the smokers, retrieves a platter of ribs and as he’s turning to set it aside, HIS WORLD GOES DARK…
He doesn’t realize he’s LOST HIS BALANCE — cannot feel himself STRIKING THE PREP TABLE, UNAWARE OF FALLING to the floor and splitting his chin.
———————————————-
#17. EXT. GRAVE SITE – SAME
FOLLOW SNOWFLAKES free-falling to a cemetery — FOCUS ON CLENDON standing at a grave marker — CLOSE ON BIBLE IN HIS HAND.
CLENDON DROPS TO ONE KNEE, his breath dragon smoke. Prayer fails him. There’s only snow. And ice. And pain of memory.
CLENDON “We break ground for the shelter next week. Thank you, for that.”
He BRUSHES SNOW off the face of the headstone revealing Mary’s name. Curiously, he doesn’t clear away the snow coating the dates, or the epitaph.
CLENDON “I don’t know why he did what he did — didn’t even know you knew him. You and father with all your secrets.”
CLENDON — LEANS OVER — KISSES THE GRANITE MARKER.
CLENDON “He’s going to tell me. JR is a father to me, more so than my own… How do I get past this, mother? I’ve dreamed of killing the person who did this to you. But now…”
He walks away hating the darkness creeping into his thoughts.
———————————–
#18. INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
CLENDON CHECKS HIS CELL — RETRIEVES TEXT.
INSERT – TEXT
“Daddy’s had a stroke! At St. Vincent’s. Hurray!!”
—————————————————–
#19. INT. HOSPITAL – ICU – LATER
Clendon steps into the room dread washing over him. Natalie stands beside her father, unaware Clendon is behind her.
CLENDON “How is he?”
She turns and falls into Clendon’s arms. Devastated, her face a mess.
NATALIE (sobs) “They don’t know if he’ll regain consciousness.”
Holding her, Clendon rubs the back of her neck the way his mother did when he needed comforting. He has never seen Natalie in tears, let alone sobbing. It hurts him.
CLENDON “I called our family’s physician. He gave me the name of a specialist.”
NATALIE “Don’t bother. Dad let the insurance lapse. He has no coverage.”
CLENDON “We’re family. I’ll take care of it.”
Natalie’s grip around Clendon, a child clinging to hope. He holds her; the two needing one another in a way only intense sorrow understands.
NATALIE “I know papa, he won’t go to a home.” (looks at her father) We went through this with his brother Jerome, said he’d nibble on the end of a pistol first.”
CLENDON “Who said anything about a home? You are family; two of you will move in with me… Besides, I’m tired of being alone in that monstrosity.”
———————————-
#20. EXT/INT. LIMOUSINE – NOON
Girl in a long coat and stocking cap walks over — GINA’S REFLECTION in the dark tinting comes as a shock.
—————————–
#21. INT. LIMOUSINE – CONTINUOUS
Trevor sits reading a report. He looks up as Gina slides in. Trevor hands her a manilla envelope. Gina takes out the papers. First page is a copy of her dad’s bank statement. She looks over.
TREVOR “Do you see the periodic deposits?”
GINA (thanks to you) “Okay…
TREVOR “Turn the page.(waits) That’s your father’s new monthly pay.”
GINA (blackmailing douche) “At your brewery in Toronto?”
TREVOR “My son has feelings for you that must be severed. Next page, please.”
Gina complies, her focus falling on the “Dear John” letter. Gina sets the papers on the seat next to her.
GINA (fights back tears) “You’re a bastard, you know that.”
TREVOR “If you’d be so kind.”
Gina reaches in her purse — looks over at the awful man — retrieves her cell. Staring through a veil of tears, Gina begins texting.
————————————–
#22. INT/EXT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
Clendon READS Gina’s text, hangs a U-turn and drives over to her parents’ home. He whips into the driveway. No cars, No one appears to be home.
He marches up to the front door, rings the bell. No answer. He goes to the living room window. Curtained, can’t see inside.
Clendon goes to the side gate, reaches an arm over, unlatches it. There is only snow. No foot prints, no signs of life. He peers in the patio window. Everything is in boxes!
Clendon’s world comes crashing in around him. On cue, he gets a text, quickly checks it – hoping it’s Gina… Instead:
INSERT – TEXT
“I have a second match. We need 2 talk. Meet me at Starbucks Silver and 6th – thirty minutes.”
Clendon texts back:
“Be there in 1 hour, detective.”
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon collapses in a lounge chair, SCOOPS up a handful of SNOW — scrubs his face with it — skin turns red.
CLENDON “First JR and now you!”
Clendon reaches up as if to rip off his crucifix — recalls he gave it to Gina — recalls too, his mother’s was missing!
——————————————
#23. FLASHBACK – MORGUE
Clendon going through his mother’s personal effects: purse, wallet, credit cards, photos, bracelet, rings — no cross!
END OF ACT TWO
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Clendon – Act 2 TP – Midpoint
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>[1] What I learned doing this assignment?<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Aligning the turning point with a change in the protagonist; it was not something I did on a conscious level. Knowing this, helps a lot!
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[2] Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
BEGINNING: Clendon learns the hair from JR’s brush is a DNA match to the killer’s.
MIDDLE: He lies to Ramirez, tells her it was Joe-Joe’s hair, as he was killed at the park.
END: He lies about whom the hairs belong to. He realizes he can never tell Natalie the truth, making her an orphan is not an option. He has to go and apologize to his father for the things he said and thought as Clendon realizes he did not kill Mary.
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[3] Write the Midpoint scene
FLASHBACK – INT. JR’s OFFICE – BATHROOM – DAY
Cramped. Utilitarian. Klendon UNZIPS and as he relieves himself, he looks at the sink — HOLD ON JR’s hairbrush.
Biting his bottom lip, knowing what he’s thinking is crazy — a betrayal of their friendship. Worse. Klendon grabs the hairbrush, pulls strands of hair from the bristles, shoves them in his pocket.
BACK TO SCENE.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Detective Ramirez steps around the bed. Stands beside Klendon.
RAMIREZ “They are a perfect match!”
Klendon stares at her in stark disbelief. That’s not possible!
Ramirez lays a hand on Klendon’s blanketed thigh.
RAMIREZ “You’ve got to give me a name.”
KLENDON (lies) “He died saving me; think he paid the ultimate price.”
RAMIREZ “How did he know your mother?”
KLENDON “I have no idea. At this point, I don’t care.”
RAMIREZ (suspicious) “What made you think it was Joe-Joe?”
KLENDON “Something he said the other day at the shelter. Look, I don’t want to talk about it, think about it. I’m through being pissed. I didn’t even get to find out why Joe-Joe did it before he was killed. I can’t decide if that was karmic justice or just a pointless act perpetrated by a deranged person.”
RAMIREZ (knows there’s more) “Okay, I get it. You’ve had a helluva day.”
-
Clendon – Turning points – Assignment 13
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? The importance of turning points to keep the plot moving, the characters evolving and your audience invested in the show.
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[2] Write your Act 1 Turning Point
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, Klendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves. Whispers ensue.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…”
KLENDON “My mother?! (shakes head no) There must be some mistake. No, no way, it’s not possible…say it’s not so.”
Detective notes boy’s shock as blood drains from his face.
RAMIREZ “Do you own a .9mm?”
KLENDON (disbelief) “OhmyGod, was she shot?!”
JENKINS (fumbles) “I’m sorry, she was a great lady.”
HOLD ON Klendon’s devastated expression, his mind locks on the verb was.
Everything turns surreal.
School bell RINGS.
Hallway fills with TEENS as classrooms empty. Bedlam ensues.
Flanked between principal Jenkins and detective Ramirez, Klendon walks without seeing or hearing the world around him.
————————————————–
[2] Write the “Reaction to the Turning Point” scene.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Detective Ramirez escorts Clendon to one of the interrogation rooms. Several of the homeless, one in handcuffs, acknowledge Clendon.
Ramirez makes a mental note of this.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon sits at a table, lost in thought.
RAMIREZ (across the table) “You were close to your mother?”
Clendon nods.
RAMIREZ “When your parents divorced, you chose to live with your mother?”
CLENDON “Yeah.”
RAMIREZ “Who else knows the code to your home security system?”
CLENDON “Myself and mother. Wait, Rosa, our cleaning lady might.”
RAMIREZ “Tell me again, why you didn’t go home last night.”
CLENDON “Just got my own place. I never should’ve moved out.”
DOOR OPENS – Clendon’s father, TREVOR, and his attorney enter the room.
LAWYER (drops papers on table) “My client has nothing further to say. If he’s not being formally charged, I demand his immediate release.”
Without checking the paperwork, Ramirez removes the handcuffs, leans in and whispers to Clendon:
RAMIREZ “ This isn’t over.”
CLENDON (whispers back) “Better hope I don’t find mother’s killer first, detective.”
-
Clendon – Finished Act One – Lesson 12
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How each piece builds upon the previous one. Like pieces to a puzzle falling into place as the story forms and becomes visible.
—————————–
[2] Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: JR (antagonist) moves stealthily through a home, towards a woman’s voice.
MIDDLE: We see woman is talking on the phone. JR makes his presence known. Woman sees gun, pleads with him. Clearly know one another. They argue over her son and his resentment of her.
END: JR shoots her. She falls to the floor dead. JR takes her crucifix and plants fake evidence.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon (protagonist) & Gina. He pours wine, talk, flirt; he shows her his crucifix.
MIDDLE: Klendon explains the mythology behind a Celtic crucifix. Puts it around her neck, tells her it’ll keep her safe.
END: Gina is moved; they kiss.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Klendon and Gina’s makeout session is interrupted by a lady detective.
MIDDLE: Klendon thinks she’s one of his father’s goons, takes her down, handcuffs her.
END: Klendon tells Gina to let her up after he’s long gone, walks off playing guitar.
———————————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, Klendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves.
———————————
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…
———————————
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon is brought in; several homeless people see and acknowledge him. Detective finds that odd.
MIDDLE: Klendon is taken to an interrogation room, questioned by lady detective (Ramirez). Klendon is in shock. Ramirez promises Klendon if he did it, she will find out.
END: Klendon’s father walks in w/ personal attorney. Frees his son, they leave the room, Klendon whispers to Ramirez, “Better hope I don’t find him first, detective.”
——————————
INT/EXT. GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina in cheerleading uniform, calls Klendon, no answer. Worried.
MIDDLE: Gina hurries out, onto the football field. We see her practice through a camera lens.
END: We don’t see who is photographing her, only his masculine hand holding camera.
————————————-
INT. LAWYER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Klendon meets with his mother’s lawyer. Lawyer informs him how much he inherits.
MIDDLE: Klendon is floored by the amount, asks lawyer how she made all that $.
END: Lawyer hands Klendon a sealed envelope per his mother’s wishes. It is a goodbye letter.
——————————–
EXT. CITY PARK – LATER
BEGINNING: Gina parks behind catering truck, introduces himself to JR & Natalie, his daughter. Tells them Klendon sent her to help out (a lie).
MIDDLE: Natalie and JR argue over Mary’s murder. She wants to kill whoever did it; JR says no, killing changes a person; he learned that in the Marines.
END: JR. tells Natalie to get the food unloaded and set things up for lunch.
———————————-
EXT. PARK – NORTH END – SAME
BEGINNING: Ramirez and her partner there, on stakeout, waiting for Klendon to show.
MIDDLE: Ramirez’s partner thinks the boy deserves a medal for helping/feeding the homeless. Ramirez argues it is dangerous; needs to be done right.
END: Police raid the gathering, Gina is arrested by Ramirez.
———————————–
INT. MARY’S HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon working out on heavy bags: kicking and punching. Angry.
MIDDLE: He takes a break, drinks water; sees his reflection in the mirror, loses it.
END: Klendon throws his water bottle at the wall mirror, shatters it. Glass shards everywhere.
—————————–
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
BEGINNING: Klendon bails JR and Natalie out.
MIDDLE: The three have a group hug outside the station.
END: Unaware they are being photographed. Same masculine hand that photographed Gina.
———————————
INT. JR’S DINER – LATER
BEGINNING: JR, Natalie & Klendon eating bbq, talking about Mary’s murder. Any clues, leads?
MIDDLE: The three spitball ideas, what to do and why.
END: Klendon tells them he’s hiring a private investigator to look into his dad’s affairs.
————————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon alone with his thoughts, his anger and memories.
MIDDLE: He remembers his mom and him baking during the holidays.
END: He swears he will kill whoever murdered her. Begins doing pushups on the spot where she died.
———————————–
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon at mom’s funeral: dad and his minions there. He is out of it, numb.
MIDDLE: He fantasizes accusing his dad of killing his mom: knees him, stabs him in chest.
END: Clendon’s girl and friends are there in support.
————————————–
EXT. GRAVE SITE – LATE NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon is there alone, sitting up against his mother’s grave marker listening to Christmas music.
MIDDLE: Eyes closed. Letter in hand.
END: Unmoving.
[3] Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
INT. PALATIAL HOME – DAY
JR moves stealthily through the house. JINGLE of telephone stops him. Listens, knows which room the woman is in.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Mary hangs up. At the sound of a man’s boot heal, she turns. Her expression is one of concern, not fear. She knows the intruder.
JR “I warned you, stop meddling.
MARY (eyes on pistol) “Please, he needs direction.”
JR. “Boyd needs love. You no better than his daddy.”
BLAM!
SLOW MOTION, TRACK the bullet out the barrel – passes through Mary’s chest. She drops.
JR. takes out a baggie, holds it upside down over Mary. ZOOM IN on several strands of hair as they FLOAT DOWN to her body. JR takes her crucifix, then SNEEZES.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
Clendon POURS wine. Gina holds their glasses.
Clendon’s crucifix falls out of his shirt.
GINA “It’s beautiful, may I?”
Clendon unfastens it, slips it around her neck, fastens the clasp saying,
CLENDON “It’ll protect you.”
GINA “No, I couldn’t possibly…”
She reaches up to take it off, Clendon catches her hand.
KLENDON “Please, I insist.”
Gina’s arms encircle Klendon. Their KISS is passionate.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – CONTINUOUS
UNKNOWN POV – through a telephoto lens, we are focused on Clendon and Gina kissing.
CLICK – CLICK – CLICK.
Behind shrubbery fifty yards to the north, a woman lying on her stomach taking photographs, gets to her feet. She’s seen enough.
Lying close, facing one another, neither Klendon nor Gina sense her approaching until a SHADOW falls across them.
Clendon looks up, sighs, turns back to Gina.
CLENDON “Friend of yours?”
GINA “Nope.”
DETECTIVE (shows shield) “You’re under arrest for minor in possession of alcohol.”
CLENDON (rolls on his back) “A bonafide detective wouldn’t be interrupting a Sunday picnic. Who put you up to this, my father? You can drop the act.”
DETECTIVE (shows handcuffs) “You got a smart mouth.”
Clendon SWEEPS her legs, out from under her – PINS her arms – CLAPS the handcuffs on.
DETECTIVE “Get off me!”
CLENDON “Listen detective. Last fem-fatale that tailed me, I left tied to a light pole, naked. Tell my father, nice try.”
GINA “Where are you going?”
CLENDON “To give my father a piece of my mind. This has to stop.”
Clendon kisses Gina’s mouth loving the wine on her lips. He whispers:
CLENDON “Meet me at the sushi bar, five o’clock. We’ll grab take out. I want to show you my new place.”
———————————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, C”lendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Clendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Clendon as he leaves.
———————————
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Clendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
CLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother…”
———————————
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Detective Ramirez escorts Clendon to one of the interrogation rooms. Several of the homeless, one in handcuffs, acknowledge Clendon.
Ramirez makes a mental note of this.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon sits at a table, lost in thought.
RAMIREZ (across the table) “You were close to your mother?”
Clendon nods.
RAMIREZ “When your parents divorced, you chose to live with your mother?”
CLENDON “Yeah.”
RAMIREZ “Who else knows the code to your home security system?”
CLENDON “Myself and mother. Wait, Rosa, our cleaning lady might.”
CLENDON “I should’ve been there.”
RAMIREZ “Tell me again, why you didn’t go home last night.”
CLENDON “Just got my own place. I never should’ve moved out.”
DOOR OPENS – Clendon’s father, TREVOR and his attorney enter the room.
LAWYER (drops papers on table) “My client has nothing further to say If he’s not being formally charge, I demand his immediate release.”
CLENDON (whispers into Ramirez’s ear) “Better hope I don’t find mother’s killer first, detective.”
——————————–
INT/EXT. GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM – DAY
Gina looking at herself in the mirror: cheerleading outfit, hair up in pony tail. Her worry, an expression pompons and a contagious smile cannot hide.
Hurrying out, onto the football field, we WATCH Gina through a telephoto lens.
CLICK – CLICK…
The HAND working the camera’s zoom lens is masculine. Who is our peeping Tom?
————————————-
INT. LAWYER OFFICE – CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON
Clendon sits as the lawyer, Jacob, begins reading his mother’s will. Eyes close, he recalls their times together: snow skiing, hiking the Appalachian Trail.
JACOB “Do you wish to have the interest form the trust reinvested, or deposited into your checking account?”
CLENDON (cluelesss) “How much we talking?”
JACOB (consults paperwork) “Two million dollars every quarter.”
Clendon’s jaw drops.
Jacob hands Clendon a sealed envelope.
JACOB “Mary wanted me to give you this after the reading of her will.”
Clendon’s hand trembles as he opens it.
INSERT – LETTER
“Klendon, I am so very proud of you. The help you are providing the less fortunate fills my heart with joy. Let Jacob help you take that kindness to the next level. Build a shelter. I have several parcels of land around town which might prove useful. Keep up the good work and be careful around your father. You know how he feels about humanitarian aid, or any act of kindness for that matter. I love you, son. Think of me with a smile, not tears. You are my legacy. I know you will do the right thing. Remember, whatever you do for one of the less fortunate, you do for yourself.
——————————–
EXT. CITY PARK – LATER
Gina pulls in behind the catering truck, sets the brake, hops out.
She walks up, knocks on the driver’ door. Startled, the driver gives Gina a look: do-I-know-you.
GINA (lies) “Clendon sent me. I’m here to help.”
Driver door OPENS. Big man steps out, offers Gina his hand.
JR (southern drawl) “Johnny Ray Foster. Call me JR.”
Gina (shakes hand) “I’m Gina.”
Door to the back of the catering truck opens. We recognize the athletic girl as she walks up.
JR “Gina, this is Natalie, my daughter.”
Natalie stares at Gina sizing her up.
JR “How’s Clendon doing? He and his mama were close.”
———————————-
EXT. PARK – NORTH END – SAME
Homeless, close to seventy, gathered in small groups: eating, slurping soda, on edge. Clendon’s absence has everyone wondering.
Gina doesn’t see the POLICE until the homeless start hollering. She bolt for the tree line.
Ramirez catches and tackles her.
RAMIREZ (slaps handcuffs on) “Where’s Clendon? Leave you holding the bag again?”
GINA “Ruining our picnic, harassing Clendon at school, now this; what’s your malfunction?”
———————————–
INT. MARY’S HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT
Clendon working out: hitting and kicking heavy bags. Blinded by sweat, he is forced to stop.
Drinking water, he sees his reflection in the mirror, loses it.
Clendon throws his water bottle at the wall mirror, shatters it.
—————————–
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Clendon – through a camera lens – holds the door open for JR and Natalie as they exit.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK.
Clendon swallowed up in a group hug, sandwiched between father and daughter. Unaware they are being photographed. Same masculine hand that photographed Gina.
———————————
INT. JR’S DINER – LATER
Private booth, table loaded with platters of meat, bread and pitcher of beer.
NATALIE “What do the police know?”
CLENDON “Ramirez thinks I did it. She’s just mad.”
NATALIE “Out with it. Whatchu’ do, white bread?”
CLENDON “Thought she was one of dad’s goons. I took her down, left her handcuffed in the park.”
JR “Explains why she’s a hater. Ever ask yourself why you do what you’re doing? Helping the less fortunate is a noble aspiration. But, people are slaves to something or someone.”
Natalie FLIPS a french fry at her dad, defusing the serious vibe.
NATALIE “You one crazy niggah. Chillax.”
CLENDON “Ramirez is smart. I’ll play nice. I’m thinking of hiring a PI.”
The three CLINK GLASSES: each thinking about what they’ve learned
————————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Clendon sits cross-legged next to the BLOOD STAIN on the hardwood floor. Only sounds are the ones in his head.
CLENDON “I’ll find who did this, who broke into our home, mom!(hand on blood stain) I’m going to kill him!”
———————————–
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
Clendon, flanked by large, grim-looking body guards, appears out of it: lost, unresponsive. Drugged.
His father directs the proceedings. In his element, he is focused. No show of emotion.
Clendon imagines pulling a gun and shooting his father in the face.
Gina, with her parents and best friend, Lana, there to give Clendon moral support.
————————————–
EXT. GRAVE SITE – LATE NIGHT
New grave markers stand along side headstones in various states of decay. CHRISTMAS MUSIC starts up – comes form what sounds to be an old-time portable radio.
FOLLOW THE TUNE as it drifts over the burial site, we discover the source, an antique snow globe resting on a headstone.
FIND CLENDON sitting with his back against the grave marker. UNMOVING: eyes closed, hands clutching a letter; snow matting his hair and clothing.
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Clendon – Turning points – Day 11 Homework
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How you build up your story/movie using these various screen-play writing elements. It is again all about structure.
[2] Outline your Act 1 Turning Point.
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – AM
BEGINNING: Klendon in class doodling, when the principle walks in and speaks w/ the teacher.
MIDDLE: Klendon steps out, into the hallway with the principle, encounters the lady detective.
END: Detective tells Klendon his mother’s been murdered. In denial, then shock, Klendon follows them to the principle’s office.
[3] Write your Act 1 Turning Point.
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, Klendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…
KLENDON “My mother?! (shakes head no) There must be some mistake. No, no way, it’s not possible…say it’s not so.”
Detective notes boy’s shock as blood drains from his face.
RAMIREZ “Do you own a .9mm?”
KLENDON (disbelief) “OhmyGod, was she shot?!”
JENKINS (fumbles) “I’m sorry, she was a great lady.”
HOLD ON Klendon’s devastated expression, his mind locks on the verb was.
Everything turns surreal.
School bell RINGS.
Hallway fills with TEENS as classrooms empty. Bedlam ensues.
Flanked between principal Jenkins and detective Ramirez, Klendon walks without seeing or hearing the world around him.
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Clendon – Inciting Incident – Day 10 homework
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How process and structure work. They give your writing the framework needed to tell the story in a compelling way.
[2] Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon and Gina sitting close: He pours wine, talk, flirt; he shows her his crucifix.
MIDDLE: Klendon explains the mythology behind a Celtic crucifix. He puts it around her neck, tells her it’ll keep her safe.
END: Gina is moved; they kiss.
———————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – AM
BEGINNING: Klendon in class doodling, when the principle walks in and speaks w/ the teacher.
MIDDLE: Klendon steps out, into the hallway with the principle, encounters the lady detective.
END: Detective tells Klendon his mother’s been murdered. In denial, then shock, Klendon follows them to the principle’s office.
[3] Write your Inciting Incident scene.
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…
KLENDON “My mother?! (shakes his head no) There must be some mistake. No, no way, it’s not possible…say it’s not so.”
Detective notes boy’s shock as blood drains from his face.
JENKINS “I’m sorry, she was a great lady.”
HOLD ON Klendon’s devastated expression, his mind locks on the verb was. Everything turns surreal. School bell RINGS. Hallway fills with TEENS as classrooms empty.
Flanked between principal Jenkins and detective Ramirez, Klendon walks without seeing or hearing the world around him.
[4] Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Klendon sits handcuffed to a metal table. Lost in thought.
RAMIREZ “You were close to your mother, Mary, is that correct? “
KLENDON “Very.”
RAMIREZ “Who else knows the code to your home security system?”
KLENDON “Rosa, our cleaning lady, might. I’m not sure.”
RAMIREZ “Rosa, got suspicious this morning when Mary didn’t come to the door.
The alarm wasn’t triggered. So, either your mother opened the front door and let the person in…
KLENDON “Or, someone let them self in. What time yesterday was she…
Klendon can’t bring himself to say the word.”
RAMIREZ (lies) “Coroner hasn’t released time of death.”
KLENDON “I never should’ve moved out. It was stupid!”
RAMIREZ “Explain why, when you were told your mother was murdered, you didn’t shed a single tear. That tells me something.”
KLENDON (faux claps) “I’m guilty because I didn’t burst into tears… You need to work on your sympathetic demeanor.”
RAMIREZ “If you killed her, I will find the proof to take you down. Promise.”
KLENDON “You’ve a murder to solve… Better hope I don’t find him first, detective. “
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Clendon – Act 1: Opening Scenes
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How to outline and fill in high-concept points in Act One without getting bogged down in the details. Just need 4 scenes: (1) Opening, (2) Inciting incident, (3) Heroes reaction, (4) Turning point to lock in the journey. The rest is filler and detail scenes to carry the theme, character(s) arcs and plot.
[2] Go to your Beat Sheet and find the opening scene & a second lead character introduction. Create a simple outline those scenes for those two scenes.
———————————–
OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HOME – DAY
(antagonist) JR breaks into a home, moves quietly towards a woman’s voice talking on the phone
…becomes…
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HOME – DAY
BEGINNING: JR moves stealthily through a home, towards a woman’s voice.
MIDDLE: We see woman is talking on the phone. JR makes his presence known. Woman pleads with him; clearly they know one another. They argue over her son and his resentment of her.
END: JR shoots her. She falls to the floor dead. JR takes her crucifix and plants fake evidence.
===============================================================
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
(protagonist) Clendon and Gina are having a picnic, drinking wine, making out.
…becomes…
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is with his Girl (Gina) enjoying a picnic: talking, flirting, pouring wine.
MIDDLE: They are accosted by a woman claiming to be a detective. Clendon doesn’t take her serious; thinks his dad hired her to pretend to be a cop, so he can be controlling.
END: Clendon takes the detective down, handcuffs her, ignores her threats. He tells Gina to let her up after he’s left. He walks off strumming “Wanted, Dead or Alive” on his guitar.
——————————
====================================
[3] Write your Opening scene that introduces a lead character; either your Protagonist or Antagonist.
Opening scene: (Antagonist)
INT. HOME – DAY
BEGINNING: Man we cannot see, moves stealthily thru a fancy home toward the sound of a woman’s voice talking on the phone.
MIDDLE: Antagonist steps into the kitchen; the two know one another. She sees the gun in his hand.
END: Antagonist accuses her of not loving her son and keeping him shackled. She argues otherwise. He shoots her in the chest; she falls to the floor and dies. He SNEEZES.
======================================
[4] Write the scene that introduces the other lead character.
Introductory scene: (Protagonist)
EXT. PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon and Gina pour wine, talk, flirt; he shows her his crucifix
MIDDLE: Klendon explains the story behind a Celtic crucifix, how each arm of the cross represent a track to immortal wisdom. He puts it around her neck, tells her it’ll keep her safe.
END: Gina is moved; they kiss.
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Lesson 8 –
Clendon – Theme
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? Keeping the Theme in the forefront of one’s mind and seeing if and how it works in the various T.E.’s and the supporting characters and their exploration on the theme. This builds a coherence that is otherwise touched upon, but not kept percolating just below the surface. I found it very instructive and something I was lacking.
[2] Use the High Speed Writing Rules as you do today’s assignment.
Rule
1: Understand
writing in drafts.
Rule
2: Choose
speed over quality for EARLY drafts.
Rule
3: Allow
yourself to start (and continue) without all the answers.
Rule
4: Use
empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on.
Rule
5: Give
yourself freedom to write without criticism.
Rule
6: Keep
moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out.
Rule
7: if
it doesn’t come to you, give it to your creative mind to process.======================================================
[3] Do Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet. (Theme is Revenge)
INT. HOME – DAY
OPENING: A man breaks into a home, moves stealthily towards a woman’s voice. We see she is talking on the phone. Man makes his presence known. Woman pleads with this person whom she knows, he kills her, plants evidence. Predator/prey Revenge = JR wants his freedom from Mary
EXT. CITY PARK – SAME
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is with his Girl, Gina, having a picnic and wine. They are accosted by a woman claiming to be a detective. Clendon thinks it’s his dad being controlling and subdues the woman. Turns out she is a police detective.
INT. SCHOOL – CLASSROOM – MORNING
INCITING INCIDENT: Clendon, at school, is called upon by the detective (from the park) and school principle. Clendon is told his mother has been murdered.
INT. SCHOOL – PRINCIPLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is taken there to be briefed and processed.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
TE 1: Clendon is questioned by the detective. She tells him: “If you killed her, I will find the proof to take you down. Promise.” He tells her, “You’ve a murder to solve… Better hope I don’t find him first, detective.” Simple Revenge = Clendon wants to kill his mother’s killer
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon’s powerful father enters with his lawyer and springs Clendon.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON
TE 2: Clendon meets with his mother’s lawyer, learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness and how proud she is of him helping the homeless.
INT. MOTHER’S HOME – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is there, alone, upset. He wants vengeance, doesn’t know where to begin. He wants Simple revenge, an eye for an eye.
EXT. CEMETARY – DAY
TE 3: Clendon with his father and influential people at Mary’s burial. Clendon watches his dad, thinks he did it. Sure he killed his mom. He fantasizes pulling a knife and killing the man. Fantasy revenge.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
TE 4: Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard. He nearly freezes to death. He is rescued by the detective. He has to change his old ways. Collision of guilt and grief.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon stops a bully from picking on a kid; beats his ass. Leaves school.
INT. CAFE – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Gina finds Clendon there; they talk. He leaves when detective shows up.
EXT. CITY PARK – AFTERNOON
TE 5: Clendon and homeless man Joe-Joe are shot by a crazy person while Clendon is feeding the homeless. Joe-Joe dies; Clendon is rushed to hospital.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon wakes up from surgery and detective is there. They bond. Clendon’s father shows up, is rude to both Clendon and the Detective. He tells Clendon it was Poetic Justice he was shot by a loser.
INT. SHOPPING MALL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon and Natalie go Xmas shopping for the homeless kids. It helps to lift Clendon’s spirits. They go back to his house and wrap presents and bond.
INT. CHURCH – PODIUM – DAY
TE 6: Clendon announces to the public he is building a 500 bed homeless shelter.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. He takes a strand of JR’s hair from bathroom, gets it tested. JR is the killer! Clendon is working to solve the crime; sees it as Constructive Revenge
INT. KITCHEN – EARLIER
PLACEHOLDER: JR suffers a massive heart attack. He is unconscious, cannot speak. Clendon cannot get the answer he seeks from JR. He must protect him from the detective who knows the truth. This is as Clendon sees it, Divine Vengeance
INT. STARBUCKS – DAY
TE 8: Clendon tells the detective to drop the case. If she goes after JR, he will tell the jury he worked with JR every day, the hair fiber came off his clothes, not JR being in the house.
============================================
[4] Do Pass 2: Build in the Antagonist Journey.
A. Antagonist (JR) has a plan in motion before the movie started. He was already in action on his plan and the Protagonist (Clendon) stepped into it, often without knowing.
1. Antagonist (JR) enters a home & kills Mary, Klendon’s mom, then takes her crucifix.
2. JR & his daughter, Natalie, meet Gina, Klendon’s girl. She helps them feed the homeless.
3. JR, Natalie & Gina are arrested later while feeding the homeless by Detective Ramirez
4. JR & Natalie are bailed out by Klendon; they leave in his new SUV.
5. At JR’s Café, they eat & talk about the murder: who, what, when, where and why.
6. Café – later, JR stokes the smoker, adds oak, throws his IOU’s to Mary in the fire
7. Hospital – am, JR takes Klendon bbq; tells him no more homeless come new yr.
8. Kitchen – pm, JR has a massive stroke; rushed to hospital, a vegetable!
9. JR, unable to move or speak, hears the worries, fears, etc of his daughter & Kendon.
* To add insult to injury, Klendon has JR moved into Mary’s house so they (he and Natalie) can look after him. It is the very same house JR said he would never step foot in again, how it reminded him of everything she (Mary) had and everything he was lacking – opening scene!
* Poetic justice – Just as the dead cannot speak or explain themselves, JR can’t either.
-
[01] What I learned doing this assignment? This is a great way to organize the entire script in chunks. I have tried several methods to stay at the 40,000 foot level and I invariably get drawn down into the nitty-gritty as an idea pops in my head and I run with it. This methodology will allow me to be creative without being bogged down into thinking where does it belong, how does this affect the other characters and their story lines…
Decide to intentionally use High Speed Writing Rules throughout the rest of program.
Rule 1:
Understand writing in drafts.
Rule 2: Choose
speed over quality for EARLY drafts.
Rule 3: Allow
yourself to start (and continue) without all the answers.
Rule 4: Use
empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on.
Rule 5: Give
yourself freedom to write without criticism.
Rule 6: Keep moving.
Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out.
Rule 7: if it
doesn’t come to you, give it to your creative mind to process.[2] Use the High Speed Writing Rules as you create your Beat Sheet.
A. Pass 1: Organize your Structure and Transformational Events.
1. In the beginning, Clendon is at park w/ girlfriend, Gina, having picnic. Young, in love, ideallic.
2. Clendon is at school, Detective shows up. Tells Clendon his mother was murdered.
3. Clendon at his mother’s law firm; learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness.
4. Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard and nearly freezing to death; can’t face reality… Has to change his old ways, not sure how. Collision of guilt and grief.
5. Clendon is shot by a crazy person while feeding the homeless. Rushed to hospital. Afterwards, Dad rips him for being kind, for being like his mother.
6. Clendon announces to the public he is building a 500 bed homeless shelter.
7. Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. He takes a strand of his hair from bathroom, gets it tested. JR is the killer!
8. JR suffers a massive heart attack. He is unconscious, cannot speak. Helpless.
9. Clendon tells the detective to drop the case. If she goes after JR, he will tell the jury he worked with JR every day, the hair fiber came off his clothes, not JR being in the house.
———————————————-
B. Pass 2: Add slug lines.
INT. HOME – DAY
OPENING: A man breaks into a home, moves stealthily towards a woman’s voice. We see she is talking on the phone. Man makes his presence known. Woman pleads with this person whom she knows, he kills her, plants evidence.
INT. SCHOOL – CLASSROOM – MORNING
INCITING INCIDENT: Clendon, at school, is called upon by the detective (from the park) and school principle. Clendon is told his mother has been murdered.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
TE 1: Clendon is questioned by the detective. She tells him: “If you killed her, I will find the proof to take you down. Promise.” He tells her, “You’ve a murder to solve… Better hope I don’t find him first, detective.”
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON
TE 2: Clendon meets with his mother’s lawyer, learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness and how proud she is of him helping the homeless..
EXT. CEMETARY – DAY
TE 3: Clendon with his father and influential people at Mary’s burial. Clendon watches his dad, thinks he did it. Sure he killed his mom. Imagines pulling a knife and killing him.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
TE 4: Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard. He nearly freezes to death. He is rescued by the detective. He has to change his old ways. Collision of guilt and grief.
EXT. CITY PARK – AFTERNOON
TE 5: Clendon and homeless man Joe-Joe are shot by a crazy person while Clendon is feeding the homeless. Joe-Joe dies; Clendon is rushed to hospital.
INT. CHURCH – PODIUM – DAY
TE 6: Clendon announces to the public he is building a 500 bed homeless shelter.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. He takes a strand of JR’s hair from bathroom, gets it tested. JR is the killer!
INT. STARBUCKS – DAY
TE 8: Clendon tells the detective to drop the case. If she goes after JR, he will tell the jury he worked with JR every day, the hair fiber came off his clothes, not JR being in the house.
—————————————————-
C. Pass 3: Add placeholders and additional scenes.
INT. HOME – DAY
OPENING: A man breaks into a home, moves stealthily towards a woman’s voice. We see she is talking on the phone. Man makes his presence known. Woman pleads with this person whom she knows, he kills her, plants evidence.
EXT. CITY PARK – SAME
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is with his Girl, Gina, having a picnic and wine. They are accosted by a woman claiming to be a detective. Clendon thinks it’s his dad being controlling and subdues the woman. Turns out she is a detective.
INT. SCHOOL – CLASSROOM – MORNING
INCITING INCIDENT: Clendon, at school, is called upon by the detective (from the park) and school principle. Clendon is told his mother has been murdered.
INT. SCHOOL – PRINCIPLE OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is taken there to be briefed and processed.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
TE 1: Clendon is questioned by the detective. She tells him: “If you killed her, I will find the proof to take you down. Promise.” He tells her, “You’ve a murder to solve… Better hope I don’t find him first, detective.”
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon’s powerful father enters with his lawyer and springs Clendon.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON
TE 2: Clendon meets with his mother’s lawyer, learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness and how proud she is of him helping the homeless..
INT. MOTHER’S HOME – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon is there, alone, upset. He wants vengeance, doesn’t know where to begin.
EXT. CEMETARY – DAY
TE 3: Clendon with his father and influential people at Mary’s burial. Clendon watches his dad, thinks he did it. Sure he killed his mom. Imagines pulling a knife and killing him.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
TE 4: Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard. He nearly freezes to death. He is rescued by the detective. He has to change his old ways. Collision of guilt and grief.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon stops a bully from picking on a kid; beats his ass. Leaves school.
INT. CAFE – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Gina finds Clendon there; they talk. He leaves when detective shows up.
EXT. CITY PARK – AFTERNOON
TE 5: Clendon and homeless man Joe-Joe are shot by a crazy person while Clendon is feeding the homeless. Joe-Joe dies; Clendon is rushed to hospital.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon wakes up from surgery and detective is there. They bond. Clendon’s father shows up, is rude to both Clendon and the Detective and leaves.
INT. SHOPPING MALL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Clendon and Natalie go Xmas shopping for the homeless kids. It helps to lift Clendon’s spirits. They go back to his house and wrap presents and bond.
INT. CHURCH – PODIUM – DAY
TE 6: Clendon announces to the public he is building a 500 bed homeless shelter.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. He takes a strand of JR’s hair from bathroom, gets it tested. JR is the killer!
INT. KITCHEN – EARLIER
PLACEHOLDER: JR suffers a massive heart attack. He is unconscious, cannot speak. Clendon cannot get the answer he seeks from JR. He must protect him from the detective who knows the truth.
INT. STARBUCKS – DAY
TE 8: Clendon tells the detective to drop the case. If she goes after JR, he will tell the jury he worked with JR every day, the hair fiber came off his clothes, not JR being in the house.
==================================================================
[3] When you post this assignment, make a commitment to the group that you are going to use these High Speed Writing Rules to get your script done at record speed.
-
[01] What I learned doing this assignment? The importance of showing, not telling. Aligning the transformational events up with the character’s journey, their transformational arc… He or she learns from doing, failing, reassessing and trying again. Again, this process allows a writer to drill down at a deeper, more meaningful level to assure the structure, events and character(s) are in alignment.
[02] Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.
Old Ways = Clendon’s behavior: obsessively working out to stay grounded, training and sparring to keep his anger and want for violence in check. The arrogance and loner, above-it-all mentality along with his right is right and wrong is wrong worldview and how there is no grey areas in life.
New Ways = Clendon learns the meaning of forgiveness, something his mother emphasized. His new behavior includes protecting the ones he loves at the expense of exacting his vengeance. He comes to embrace his mother’s motto: kindness before all else. The journey has taught Clendon not everything in life is black and white. Through personal, emotional and spiritual growth, Clendon embraces what is to come. He is ready to take up the mantle and carry on with his mother’s legacy.
[03] Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).
1. In the beginning, Clendon is at park w/ girlfriend, Gina, having picnic. Young, in love, ideallic.
2. Clendon at school, Detective shows up. Tells Clendon his mother was murdered.
3. Clendon at his mother’s law firm; learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness
4. Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard and nearly freezing to death; can’t face reality… Has to change his old ways, not sure how. Collision of guilt and grief.
5. Dino is shot by a crazy person while feeding the homeless. Rushed to hospital. Afterwards, Dad rips him for being kind, for being like his mother.
6. Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. takes a strand of his hair from bathroom, gets it tested; he is the killer!
Each Transformational Event forces the protagonist to face a deficiency and learn a lesson to become who they want to be. It will either put their Old Ways to the test or force them to use the New Ways to deal with this out-of-the-box situation. Each event teaches him/ her something. The early events challenged his Old Ways. The later events trained him in the New Ways.
[04] Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.
1. In the beginning, Clendon is at park w/ girlfriend, Gina, having picnic. Young, in love, ideallic.
2. Clendon at school, Detective shows up. Tells Clendon his mother was murdered.
3. Clendon at his mother’s law firm; learns he is filthy rich. Reads his mom’s letter re: kindness
4. Clendon’s emotional breakdown at the graveyard and nearly freezing to death; can’t face reality… Has to change his old ways, not sure how. Collision of guilt and grief.
5. Dino is shot by a crazy person while feeding the homeless. Rushed to hospital. Afterwards, Dad rips him for being kind, for being like his mother.
6. Clendon catches JR in a lie re: his mom. Gets suspicious recalls JR’s look of guilt when talking about revenge and how it wouldn’t bring his mom back. takes a strand of his hair from bathroom, gets it tested; he is the killer!
[05] Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
near death experience, loss of old girl friend, learning identity of killer and finding it in his heart to forgive him.
[6] Add these transformational events to your four-act structure.
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Clendon – 4 Act Transformational Structure
[01] What I learned doing this assignment? The structure is new to me as I usually write features in the three act format: Act 1 = 30pgs || Act two = 60 pgs || Act three = 20-25 pgs I find this structure better; allows me to dissect the elements and improve the process. Without a solid structure, the best writing in the world is NOT a movie – it’s just pretty words strung together.
[02] Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure. Give us the following:
A. Concept = After losing his mother, Clendon attempts to discover who her killer is and make that person pay for what they did.
B. Main Conflict = Clendon wants vengeance, not justice. It is something he has vowed, a fantasy, recurrent throughout the movie, until he learns who the killer is.
C. Old Ways = Clendon’s behavior: obsessively working out to stay grounded, training and sparring to keep his anger and want for violence in check. The arrogance and loner, above-it-all mentality along with his right is right and wrong is wrong world view and how there is no grey areas in life.
D. New Ways = Clendon learns the meaning of forgiveness, something his mother preached to him. His new behavior includes protecting the ones he loves at the expense of exacting his vengeance. He comes to embrace his mother’s motto: kindness before all else. The journey has taught him there are grey areas, not everything in life is black and white. Through personal, emotional and spiritual growth, Clendon embraces what is to come. He is ready to take up the mantle and carry on with his mother’s legacy.
Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
[I] Act 1:
A. Opening = Clendon is at the park with his girlfriend. He is eating, drinking wine when a police woman appears and threatens to arrest them. Clendon thinks she is one of his father’s goons. He subdues and handcuffs her.
B Inciting Incident = Clendon is in school, police come; he learns his mother’s been murdered.
C. Turning Point = Clendon is sure his estranged father killed his mother; cannot prove it. Storms his office and confronts his father, learns he was out of the country at the time.
[II] Act 2:
A. New plan = Clendon stops hounding his father, believes whoever killed his mother was someone his mother knew and trusted. A business associate. He starts going thru his mother’s papers, belongings, etc.
B. Plan in action =
C. Midpoint Turning Point = Discovering the man whom he loves like a father — whose daughter, Natalie, the sister he never had — pulled the trigger — changes everything. Truth becomes the one secret Clendon must never reveal as his feelings for Natalie deepen.
[III] Act 3:
A. Rethink everything = Clendon cannot reveal the murderer. The truth changes everything for him. He must confront JR in secret and learn why – why did he feel compelled to murder his mother. What did she do? Clendon’s vision of his mother as this holier-than-thou philanthropist changes; she had secrets, did things behind his back: JR, the detective, what else did she do – or didn’t do? He is conflicted as his worldview of right and wrong, black and white is turned upside down.
B. New plan = Clendon stops looking, stops hunting for clues. He decides to keep everything to himself, confront JR alone. Man-to-man. Before he tells the detective what she already suspects.
C. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift = Clendon goes to talk with JR only to discover he has had a massive stroke. He is unconscious, cannot speak; may never regain consciousness or the ability to speak. Clendon has a melt-down as he might never get any answers, any closure. What did his mother do to make JR kill her?
[IV] Act 4:
A. Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict = Clendon goes into JR’s bedroom alone: stares at him, struggles with the urge to suffocate him. Has his hands around his throat, stops – has a vision of his mother watching him. Clendon leaves the room. Unaware, the daughter, Natalie, cannot forgive her father.
B. Resolution = Clendon tells the detective he cannot condemn a helpless man. He will not testify.
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Clendon’s Character Interviews – Day 4 Homework
[01] What I learned doing this assignment? By interviewing the protagonist and antagonist, I was able to pull traits and learn about attributes and failings that were not on paper but resonating just below the surface. It helped explain some of the actions I had written out for the character without “knowing” exactly why I had that person do what they did. I realize that good writing works on a subconscious level, but recognizing this level and exploring it, allows me to know dig deeper and flesh out my characters at a level not possible before.
[02] Interview Questions for Protagonist:
[a] Tell me about yourself. I live with my mother, by choice. My father and I don’t see the world the same way. In fact, he and I don’t agree on anything.
[b] Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? Because I’m the only one who will see this through, find my mother’s killer. Her legacy has become mine, literally and figuratively.
[c] You are up against. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you? The journey is as much internal and external. The obstacles I face begin with myself and my complete lack of understanding when it comes to solving crimes. Second, a powerful father who has the mayor in his hip pocket and the governor on speed dial. Third, the death of my mother who was my mentor and idol. She kept me grounded, kept me wanting to do “good” for myself, our community, mankind in general.
[d] In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult? I must move past my grief and anger in order to discover who killed my mother. Removing my feelings from what happened to my mother in order to find the clues will be hard.
[e] What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? My tendency to be impatient and my habit of jumping head first into a situation have to be tabled as well as thinking that criminals are stupid and always make mistakes. Also, I have to stop thinking of family and friends as being incapable of committing this crime as it is a proven fact that over half of all homicides are perpetrated by acquaintances, neighbors and friends. Worse, a quarter of the victims are slain by family members.
[f] What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? I fear the killer will get away with the crime, that I won’t be able to find the clues and recreate what happened to my mother. The fact that my father thinks that I’m weak, that I’m a failure hurts; it is a wound that has me questioning my beliefs, my way of looking at the world.
[g] What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? Given my upbringing and my father’s insistence that I become a black-belt by the age of twelve, I have the discipline, the pain tolerance, and perseverance to go after my mother’s killer and see it through.
[h] What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? That I am to blame for my mother’s death because I moved out of her home so that I could have a place to bring girls to. Second, I am a failure, or will become one like my father says. Worse, that if I find out who killed my mother, I will kill that person and become the thing I hate most, a killer.
[i] What do you think of? The times, vacations and moments I spent with my mother, just the two of us. Also, what I plan on doing to the person who killed my mother. I fantasize about the pain and the torture I will inflict on the man or woman responsible for my mother’s death.
[j] Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. Feeling responsible for my mother’s death, the crime is very personal. I am avenging both my mother and myself. The fact I wasn’t there for my mom when she needed me most drives me. I can’t fail her twice. Or myself for that matter.
[k] What does it do for your life if you succeed here? Bringing my mother’s killer to justice will allow me closure, help me to move past the loss. I have to know “why” the killer did what they did to my mother.
*Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.
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[03] Interview Questions for Antagonist:
[a] Tell me about yourself. I am a righteous man who does whatever it takes to protect my family. I was once weak, let the bottle tell me how to live my life.
[b] Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? Ridding the world of Clendon’s mother was hard, but it was the right thing to do. She had a strangle hold over me, my family and Clendon. I had to set us free.
[c] Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change? The protagonist, Clendon, is the son I never had. Saving him from his mother will allow him to grow, to change into the man I know him to be.
[d] What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? Having gotten rid of Clendon’s mother, my competition, the hopes and dreams I have for Clendon have a chance of becoming a reality.
[e] What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? I’m driven by the fact that throwing off the yoke of oppression for myself and for Clendon is the right thing to do and therefore, worth the risk. Clendon’s mother was manipulative, a woman who used kindness the way a bully uses fear. I was tired of doing her bidding, of being the person she wanted me to be. Living that lie was not something I wanted for Clendon.
[f] What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? I cannot let Clendon know that I knew his mother, or of the business arrangement we were in. I cannot let my daughter know either. I fear if they learned what I did, I would lose their love forever and in so doing, destroy our family. I’m fearful of losing my daughter and Clendon; they are family. My wife’s infidelity and subsequent divorce has made me distrust women, see marriage for what it is, a gamble, a sanctioned institution where two people profess love, procreate, then raise their children and try to grow old together as a couple.
[g] Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I’m an ex-Marine, I’ve seen combat, killed people. I know how to kill and will not hesitate to do so when the need arises. Second, I know Clendon’s mother, her habits, her routines, I can come and go unseen.
[h] What do you think of? Building my business into an empire, a franchise so that I can retire and live off the passive income streams.
[i] Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. My hatred for Clendon’s mother started out as gratitude. Years ago, she helped me, helped my family get back on it’s feet financially when I let the bottle do my thinking and talking. Afterwards, her suggestions became intrusive, my life became one of indentured servitude.
[j] What does it do for your life if you succeed here? With Clendon’s mother no longer calling the shots, I am able to breathe, to be a free man. I am no longer beholding and her financial hold over me (albeit under the table) is gone.
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[1] What I learned doing this assignment? By providing guidelines and parameters for the hero, antagonist and supporting characters, I can begin to plot out the action scenes, turning points and begin planting “bread crumbs”
[2] Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Clendon’s role in the story: Hero / Fighter. Angry without a clue how to find out who killed his mother. Young man out of his depth, but not afraid to face anyone.
Age range and Description: Male, Late teens, physical specimen, martial arts expert.
[3] Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Role of the Antagonist in the story: Change Agent. As Clendon’s surrogate father, J.R.Foster, an ex Marine, knows about death, loss and what killing takes out of a person.
[4] What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters in the story: Homicide Detective, Ramirez, Dino’s guardian angel
Supporting characters in the story: Clendon’s best friend & future lover, Natalie Foster
Minor roles in the story: Mary, Clendon’s mother, the philanthropist
Minor roles in the story: Clendon’s current girl friend, Gina Reynolds
Minor roles in the story: Clendon’s father, Trevor Reedloc III
Minor roles in the story: Joe-Joe, vet, homeless, saves Clendon’s life
Background characters in the story: Lagina Ramirez’s associates: Det., Riley & Det., James
[5] Pick your genre.
Drama – characters experience a lot of emotional and mental conflict.
[6] Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Clendon – Protagonist / lead character
[1] Role in the story: Protagonist, high-school senior, an outsider, loner into his own “thing.”
[2] Age range and Description: Eighteen, physical specimen, martial arts expert who always sides with the under-dog, the downtrodden and homeless.
[3] Internal Journey: From feelings of anger and despair (unable to save his mother) to discovering her killer and embracing forgiveness and letting vengeance go.
[4] External Journey: A clueless teen who through luck and insight discovers the identity of his mother’s killer and rises above his want for vengeance and embraces forgiveness.
[5] Motivation: To find his mother’s killer and exact justice.
[6] Wound: His father’s disapproval of him as a person and disregard for him as a son.
[7] Mission/Agenda: catch his mother’s killer.
[8] Secret: He feels guilty for moving out of his mother’s home, leaving her alone. He feels like he abandoned her the way his father abandoned them both.
[9] What makes them special? Clendon’s ability to see past circumstance and pursue what is right, what will make a positive difference in peoples’ lives.
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Clendon – Transformational Journey (Day One Homework)
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? By providing a framework for the protagonist, listing his beginning and ending attributes (the way he thinks, reacts and sees the world) via the transformation he undergoes, it allows me to see where I need to start instilling the heroic-transformational aspects needed to keep the audience “hooked” and at the same time provide a plausible framework for the hero’s transformation.
[2] My hero’s name is Clendon. His character arc and resulting transformation begins with the murder of his mother, his emotional devastation and subsequent obsession to find out who murdered her.
2a. Internal journey = Clendon goes from carefree, wealthy, eighteen year old to devastated, emotionally unstable and violent, to a young man determined to prove his father killed his mother, to discovering the truth.
2b. External journey = Clendon moves from high-school senior to a young adult: who survives great loss, finds love, discovers the identity of his mother’s killer, embraces forgiveness.
[3] What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
3a. Clendon’s old ways: specific set of behaviors, emotions, & thinking patterns that were present before the change and will be gone or altered after the change.
a. behavior: obsessively works out to stay grounded. b. behavior: training & sparring keeps his anger and want for violence in check. c. emotion: suspicious, full of himself, arrogant, wants to start fresh. d. thinking pattern: right is right and wrong is wrong; no grey areas with him.
3b. Clendon’s new ways: specific set of behaviors, emotions, and thinking patterns that replace the Old Ways as the change is being made.
a. behavior: learns forgiveness, something his mother always preached to him. b. behavior: protects the one he loves at the expense of exacting his vengeance. c. emotion: embraces his mother’s motto: family before all else. d. thinking pattern: learns there are grey areas, not everything is black and white, e. thinking pattern: learns forgiveness and carries on his mother’s legacy.
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Michael O’Keefe
Homework – Day 2
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? By providing guidelines and parameters for the hero, antagonist and supporting characters, I can begin to plot out the action scenes, turning points and begin planting “bread crumbs”
[2] Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Clendon’s role in the story: Hero / Fighter. Angry without a clue how to find out who killed his mother. Young man out of his depth, but not afraid to face anyone.
Age range and Description: Male, Late teens, physical specimen, martial arts expert.
[3] Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Role of the Antagonist in the story: Change Agent. As Clendon’s surrogate father, J.R.Foster, an ex Marine, knows about death, loss and what killing takes out of a person.
[4] What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters in the story: Homicide Detective, Ramirez, Dino’s guardian angel
Supporting characters in the story: Clendon’s best friend & future lover, Natalie Foster
Minor roles in the story: Mary, Clendon’s mother, the philanthropist
Minor roles in the story: Clendon’s current girl friend, Gina Reynolds
Minor roles in the story: Clendon’s father, Trevor Reedloc III
Minor roles in the story: Joe-Joe, vet, homeless, saves Clendon’s life
Background characters in the story: Lagina Ramirez’s associates: Det., Riley & Det., James
[5] Pick your genre.
Drama – characters experience a lot of emotional and mental conflict.
[6] Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Clendon – Protagonist / lead character
[1] Role in the story: Protagonist, high-school senior, an outsider, loner into his own “thing.”
[2] Age range and Description: Eighteen, physical specimen, martial arts expert who always sides with the under-dog, the downtrodden and homeless.
[3] Internal Journey: From feelings of anger and despair (unable to save his mother) to discovering her killer and embracing forgiveness and letting vengeance go.
[4] External Journey: A clueless teen who through luck and insight discovers the identity of his mother’s killer and rises above his want for vengeance and embraces forgiveness.
[5] Motivation: To find his mother’s killer and exact justice.
[6] Wound: His father’s disapproval of him as a person and disregard for him as a son.
[7] Mission/Agenda: catch his mother’s killer.
[8] Secret: He feels guilty for moving out of his mother’s home, leaving her alone. He feels like he abandoned her the way his father abandoned them both.
[9] What makes them special? Clendon’s ability to see past circumstance and pursue what is right, what will make a positive difference in peoples’ lives no matter what others think.
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Michael O’Keefe — Day One Homework
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? By providing a framework for the protagonist, listing his beginning and ending attributes (the way he thinks, reacts and sees the world) via the transformation he undergoes, it allows me to see where I need to start instilling the heroic-transformational aspects needed to keep the audience “hooked” and at the same time provide a plausible framework for the hero’s transformation.
[2] My hero’s name is Clendon. His character arc and resulting transformation begins with the murder of his mother, his emotional devastation and subsequent obsession to find out who murdered her.
2a. Internal journey = Clendon goes from carefree, wealthy, eighteen year old to devastated, emotionally unstable and violent, to a young man determined to prove his father killed his mother, to discovering the truth.
2b. External journey = Clendon moves from high-school senior to a young adult: who survives great loss, finds love, discovers the identity of his mother’s killer, embraces forgiveness.
[3] What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
3a. Clendon’s old ways: specific set of (1) behaviors, (2) emotions, and (3) thinking patterns that were present before the change and will be gone or altered after the change.
(1) behavior: obsessively works out to stay grounded. (1) behavior: training & sparring keeps his anger and want for violence in check. (2) emotion: suspicious, full of himself, arrogant, wants to start fresh. (3) thinking pattern: right is right and wrong is wrong; no grey areas with him.
3b. Clendon’s new ways: specific set of (1) behaviors, (2) emotions, and (3) thinking patterns that replace the Old Ways as the change is being made.
(1) behavior: learns forgiveness, something his mother always preached to him. (1) behavior: protects the one he loves at the expense of exacting his vengeance. (2) emotion: embraces his mother’s motto: family before all else. (3) thinking pattern: learns there are grey areas, not everything is black and white, e. thinking pattern: learns forgiveness and carries on his mother’s legacy.
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Ricardo, this is Michael. I would love to read through your script. Mine is completed. The course taught me a couple of invaluable tricks from a structural standpoint. I am going to submit the script to a couple of contests. My last script came in second place in June of last year. This one is a better script. Let me know if you are interested.
I agree with Dale and the glitches and issues with the platform. I will freely admit that I am not a techie so there is that.