[Michael Williamsen]

This sounds like a killer action flick!!! Can’t wait to watch it evolve.

[Michael Williamsen]

A. Genre = Adventure, drama
B. Title = How TO Die Like a Billionaire
C. Current Concept = A billionaire’s dying wish is to reunite with estranged friends on a trip of a lifetime, unaware that his former flame and protégé—a woman driven by ambition and revenge—has orchestrated a hostile takeover of his company.
D. Major story hook = “Brett has been secretly extorting funds from his company for years.”

• This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

GROUP RELEASE FORM
I Michael Williamsen
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen. ScreenwritingU has been my go-to for 3 full scripts and 6 books (3 published and 2 unfinished.) My first publishing was in real rstate trade magazines. I love the discipline and structure of movie writing such as outlines, character development, and setups. I believe I took this course a few years ago before AI. A few SU AI courses got me a bit addicted to ChatGTP! I have no doubt this course will take me to more levels in being a writing junkie!!

• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Here is a scene i just came up for a coming of age script. set in mid 1950’s San Francisco. Joe Dimaggio recently married Marilyn Monroe bringing her back to his childhood home. All the neighbors flaunt themselves hoping befriend the couple. Louie is the main characthers’ father, wants nothing to do with the notoriety of the couple. Conflict between Joe and Louie has been building in the subtext.
Joe and Louie arrive at the same time at the front door of the Five and Dime. Joe steps in front of Louie.
LOUIE
So. Does wearing 3 World Series rings, rich, and married to a movie star make you better than everyone else?
Joe Turns to face Louie.
JOE
The Brooklyn Dodgers, never set foot in a World Series, does wearing their hat make you a loser?
Chests puff out. Fists clenched.
LOUIE
It makes me a faithful fan, proud of my family heritage.
Joe pulls off his cap and examines it.

JOE
I’d trade it all to have a son. This Yankee’s cap, I wear because it was free.
A HOWL of LAUGHTER comes from the back of the store. Both men crack a smile.
JEAN SEBASTIANI
Coffee on me – for the poor boys!
Joe slaps Louie’s back, Louie places his hand on Joe’s shoulder. They saunter up to counter as Jean pours three cups of coffee.
JOE
That little bottle on the shelf behind you, I’ll take that too.
LOUIE
Joe. You don’t drink. Everyone knows that.
JOE
Marilyn Left me.

Joe and Louie arrive at the same time at the front door of the Five and Dime. Joe steps in front of Louie.
LOUIE
So. Does wearing 3 World Series rings, rich, and married to a movie star make you better than everyone else?
Joe Turns to face Louie.
JOE
The Brooklyn Dodgers, never set foot in a World Series, does wearing their hat make you a loser?
Chests puff out. Fists clenched.
LOUIE
It makes me a faithful fan, proud of my family heritage.
Joe pulls off his cap and examines it.

JOE
I’d trade it all to have a son. This Yankee’s cap, I wear because it was free.
A HOWL of LAUGHTER comes from the back of the store. Both men crack a smile.
JEAN SEBASTIANI
Coffee on me – for the poor boys!
Joe slaps Louie’s back, Louie places his hand on Joe’s shoulder. They saunter up to counter as Jean pours three cups of coffee.
JOE
That little bottle on the shelf behind you, I’ll take that too.
LOUIE
Joe. You don’t drink. Everyone knows that.
JOE
Marilyn Left me.

[Michael Williamsen]

It almost seems to me like a rooster protecting his ruffled feathers as the hen he is after shows she is worth his efforts as they parade around the mating dance.

[Michael Williamsen]

Mike Williamsen – Opening scene revised

Sheriff MIKE, 50 going on 70. His shoulders slump to one
side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong
place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging
crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing
it.

He ducks under the crime scene tape.

Mike comes to a tarp covering a mound. He makes a quick
couple of swipes with a come over his balding head.

VICTORIA approaches. She probably was a knockout back in the day,
now weathered by too many expectations leading to
disappointments.

Mike reaches out his arms to embrace her. Victoria pushes him off. Mike pulls back as if he was trained well.

Mike pulls back the tarp off the victim’s head to find a
zip-tie around his neck. Mike pulls back the tarp further to
reveal the victim, Skinhead Thug, was slashed in many ways.

Victoria bends over covering her mouth attempting to stop the explosion of puke.

MIKE

Welcome to the real world of crime. Just think there is someone out there who did this.

Victoria lunges into Mike puking all over him

VICTORIA

I can’t do this job. I can’t take this.

MIKE

Nope.

As if accepting challenge, Victoria pulls out her camera.<br clear=”all”>

VICTORIA (CONT’D)

Is this tatooed dick linked to the
kidnappers? Does this make #3? Is
this now a serial killing?

Mike covers Victoria’s camera with his hand.

MIKE

I’m hoping you could…

VICTORIA

Sure, I don’t need an exclusive —
again. Sure, I don’t need a break.

(MORE)

[Michael Williamsen]

I tried to use all the criteria of

Chronological. Surprise. Suspense Superior Position Irony Crucible Twist

Mislead and reveal Misinterpretation Competitive Agendas

Investigation / Hiding

21 INT. MIKES OFFICE — DAY

Bob enters Mike’s office. He tosses a sweater onto Mike’s
desk. He catches his own reflection in a photo of Victoria
on the wall, licks his finger and attends to a misaligned
hair on his magazine cover hair.

Bob kisses his fingertips and places the kiss onto Victoria’s
face in the photo.

BOB (CONT’D)

You really don’t deserve her.

Bob spins to face off with Mike.

BOB (CONT’D)

Your daughter left her sweater at my
beach house. She must have gotten
your loser instincts.

Bob looks over various uninteresting items.

BOB (CONT’D)

It must be tough, guys like you,

always trying to do the right thing —
make a difference. Then in the back

of your mind you know with all your
training could get you much more
rewards. And you watch guys like me
get it all.

Bob picks up the take-out bag off Mike’s desk dumping into
the trash.

BOB (CONT’D)

She deserves better. But you are the one she loves.

MIKE

Yeah, I can tell by how much you are tempting her with your world.

BOB

You moron. I don’t want her. I am just showing her the life she deserves, and she can have with you.

Bob stands absorbing the MOST WANTED posters.

BOB (CONT’D)

It’s going to be interesting to see
who or what kills you first Sheriff.
My money is you putting yourself out
of your own miserable life.

MIKE

If you will excuse me, I have
criminals to catch so you can put
them back on the streets.

BOB

You think these are the bad guys? You are useless.

Bob straightens the photo of Victoria and heads towards the
door. Mike points his finger like he is shooting a pistol
at Bob’s back.

Bob sees Mike’s reflection in the big window next to the
door and whirls about. Like a Rambo/psycho-killer, hands

grasping at a invisible automatic rifle, he sprays imaginary

bullets at Mike.

BOB (CONT’D)
RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT…

Bob takes in an exhilarating breath and blows the smoke off
the imaginary gun.

BOB (CONT’D)

Damn. A real gun must exhilarating.

[Michael Williamsen]

I believe this TALKING HEAD SCENE works as we know full well that Sheriff Mike has no hope in beating his cancer and has been set up to be killed by Bob and his thugs. He hears the words he has longed to hear, that Victoria still loves him. We know most of it on both sides are complete lies.

74 INT. VICTORIA’S CAR – EVENING

She is on the phone, takes a deep breath.

VICTORIA
How long does he have?

DOCTOR (ON PHONE)

Chemo’s not working. I’m sorry. We
did everything we could. I suggest
you start getting his things…

VICTORIA
(interrupts)

Yeah, I’ve heard that speech before. How long?

DOCTOR

I can’t understand how he is still alive.

Victoria hangs up and dials.

MIKE (on phone)

Hi Vicki honey! It is sure nice to
hear your voice!

VICTORIA

The doctor has some good news.

MIKE

Good news? I hardly know what that is any more.

VICTORIA

He said the latest tests were wrong.
They actually show your tumor is shrinking.

It must have been all that sex we had the other night.

I have come across some money to save the house. We can live as a family again.

75 INT. VICTORIA’S HOUSE – CONTINUED

Mike Stands in front of a mirror in the grand entry. The house is completely empty. No art. No piano. Completely empty. The lights flicker out.

MIKE

Sign me up for more treatment!

VICTORIA (voice on phone)

Oh, that is so wonderful. How I have longed for that. I just want you to know one more time that I have always loved you, still do, and always will…

Victoria’s crying is heard a bit just before she hangs up.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

I expanded Victoria’s arc to go from the submissive exwife, to conning the billionaire boyfriend, to manipulating both plus the Mexican Gangsters to save the kidnapped children, sell her house in foreclosure for three-times it’s worth, and snaking away a few hundred million$$$ from her boyfriend, and find out where her daughter is being held…

Next will be to build Mayor’s arc with involvement with the underlying human trafficking to the point where in the end he takes credit for capturing the serial killer Sheriff Mike and the kidnapping billionaire who both turned up dead in a coffee shop, saving the kidnapped children. And putting the chase on the human trafficking which he plans to destroy once he is voted in as the new state governor (The big PROFOUND MOMENT as he is the kingpin of the trafficking ring)

All of the above is going on below the main story of the violent battle between Sheriff Mike’s pursuit of the kidnappers, being accused of killing off his suspects, and billionaire kidnapper Bob’s crafty coverings.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: I have been a 3×5 cards-on-the wall to arrange my scenes in the three-act play for fiction. The problem with the cards is that each act may have several beats. Having a beat sheet solved this. I found I could (in my Movie Magic Screenwriter 6 program) make a note for each beat and then print out just the notes out of the script (see below). It would be nice if it could also include the scene title. But then as Michaelangelo said, “Lord, please always give me the ability to want more than I can achieve.”

I will clean this up with another pass.

Page 1

Thug exits gets zipped after bar

Page 2

Strangler is serial killer

Page 3

VICTORIA TAKES LUCY FROM MIKE at beach

Page 4

CONFLICT between Mike and Bob over Victoria

Page 7

SUNSET CRUISE DATE Bob swoons Victoria

Page 9

Mike LUCY knife in hidden vault

VICTORIA FINDS GUN VAULT ih basement

Page 10

VICTORIA WANTS TO SELL HOUSE ITEMS introduce mansion

VICTORIA DISCOVERS WEAPON VAULT

Page 11

BOB makes MAYOR an offer he shouldn’t refuse

Page 14

KIDNAPPING cage SCENE #1 taking girls

Nice car at kidnapping cage (bobs car)

NEWS Channel Intro serial killer BOB DOMINATES VICTORIA and

Jimmy on tv reveals serial killer suspect MAY BE MIKE

Mike shoots dart

Page 15

Mayor resists Bob at party in penthouse

Bob reveals his girls

Page 16

Bob Mike face off over Victoria and 10 most wanted

Page 18

MAYORS WIFE FINDS PHOTOS OF PARTY

Page 19

ZIPTIE KILLING – SHORT

VICTORIA ACCUSES MIKE OF TAKING LUCY DEPUTY

DEPUTY JIMMY ANALYSES CRIME SCENE – SHOWS HIS KILLER KNOWLEDGE

Page 22

MIKE AND DAVE GO FOR A RIDE

MIKE AND DAVE RIDE 2

Page 23

BOBS PARTY #2 MAYOR can’t resist young girl

News introduces ZIP TIE STRANGLER

Page 24

MAYOR joins Bob in kidnapping/sex slave

Page 27

Clue Joe is in with Dave

Clue 2 Dave and Joe are up to something

SKINHEAD THUG 2 GETS ZIPPED skinned

Page 28

Know what the movie is about. Pg 30

VICTORIA accuses Mike of taking Lucy

Victoria sees top 10 on Mike’s wall – presumes he is killing

suspects – now has news story

Page 29

SEMI TRUCK TRAILER SWITCH apparent full of victims

NEWS Jimmy defends Mike over accusations – subtext that he

is lying

Page 30

THUG skinned- reporter gets One shot – one kill statement

Page 31

Introduce RICARDO TO the rescue

Page 32

NEWS reports One shot one kill quote from Mike

Page 32 (Continued)

MIKE AND JIMMY FACE OFF in coffee shop – hostile subtext

Clue Mike has cancer

Page 34

MIKE shows Victoria MD report of cancer

Victoria believes Mike did not take daughter Lucy

Page 35

Introduce Anasatia – Bob’s new book-keeper biz manager

Page 37

NEWS Public support ziptie strangler

Mayor defends Mike- Mike is pleased

Victoria discovers sweater from Bob is too big for Lucy –

clue he is lying about something

Page 38

Victoria steals file of kidnapping evidence from Bob

Page 41

Victoria gives evidence Bob is kidnapper to Mike

Page 42

First turning point ACT II

Page 43

Mike gives evidence Bob is kidnapper to Mayor

Mayor makes call to meet at bar (to Mayor)

Page 44

Bob plays narcissist to convince Victoria he was going to

give the file to give to Mike to catch kidnappers

Page 45

Mid-Point

Victoria hears Mike explain serial killing as copycat

Victoria senses Mike may be serial killer

Clue Victoria and Dave have a connection

Page 45 (Continued)

Dave fixes Victorias purse with a ziptie ZzzziP! They

exchange glances

Page 47

Victoria finds kidnapping photos in Dave’s apartment. Dave

enters.

Joe steps out of a dark shadow

Page 49

Mike takes Dave to airport to send to Mexico

Dave is killed in bathroom

Page 50

Mike calls Police Chief Ricardo – no answer

Page 51

Ricardo is dead – Mike feels hopeless

Mayor announces kidnapper raid

Ricardo and Dave funeral

Page 52

School buses hijacked

Mike tells Mayor buses hijacked.

Mayor makes call- we go tonight

Mike and Victoria spend the night together

Mayor announces raid on kidnapper and serial killer

Page 53

Cops raid Dave’s apartment – empty

Mayor announces Deputy Dan as new sheriff

Victoria escaped through the secret closet

SWAT team raid Mike’s apartment- arrest Mike

Page 54

Mike escapes with Joe’s help.

Page 55

Joe drives Mike away from crime scene

Page 56

Bob gets gun

Page 57

Bob on phone with Victoria, takes credit for catching

kidnappers and Mike arrest

Bob tells victoria he is saving her house for her at the

foreclosure auction

Bob tells Victoria he has a lead on Lucy’s location

Victoria now picks up phone believing Bob

Victoria agrees to meet – Bob caresses his gun

Page 58

Mike escapes from Joe’s car

Mike sets up house foreclosure scam

Page 59

Dan kills a ziptied culprit

Page 60

Mike sits across from Victoria’s house – she sits on the

porch – a solemn moment before the storm

Victoria’s house at foreclosure auction – Dan

Page 61

Victoria’s house at foreclosure auction Bob

Victoria’s house at foreclosure auction Mayor

Mike shoots Deputy Dan

Page 62

Victoria at house. Everything is gone.

Victoria hears from Mike’s doctor he is dying soon

Page 63

Victoria lies to Mike about his cancer killing him, that she

just inherited the money to save the house

Page 64

Bob finds Mike is going to a certain coffee shop

Page 65

Mexican Gangsters have weapons – recruit men

Page 66

Mike enters coffee shop

Bob enters coffee shop – once again tries to recruit Mike

Page 68

NEWS announces border guards killed in an ambush

Mike calls Victoria, to be EXTREMELY QUIET

GANGSTERS RAID ANOTHER WAREHOUSE

Page 69

Mike and Bob bare all secrets

Bob reveals he has Lucy – Victoria screams

Bob shoots Mike

Page 71

Bob tries to escape – killed by Gangsters

Kidnapped children are saved at warehouse

More kidnapped children are saved at warehouse

Page 72

RESOLUTION

Mayor thinks he now owns Victoria’s house

Page 73

Victoria’s house explodes with MAYOR – eliminate with

alternate ending

Victoria has escaped to a beach

Anastasia joins her with Lucy

Joe approaches them…

They all hug, Joe and Anastasia kiss deeply

Victoria takes off the ziptie from her purse ZzziP!

We find Joe is Victoria’s cousin and Anastasia’s boyfriend

They have $4.5MM from the scandalous sales of Victoria’s

house

Anastasia has cleaned out Bob’s accounts for $730MM

Page 74

Alternative END- Mayor turns out to be kingpin of human

trafficking ring – needs setups, clues, mis

[Michael Williamsen]

Entertainment value

This is an extremely valuable lesson. Especially the idea of reading the scenes from the end. Brilliant!

I have not been rewriting my script at all but have made about 15 pages of ideas. Maybe this is the time to go through and write in all the ideas that turn up good. But my plan now is to continue on with the course having made notes of each class, then formulate a plan to do a rewrite in an organized fashion along with each step of this course.

In past writing (even novels) I have used the screenplay software’s ability to generate 3×5 cards which I tape up to 4 4×8 foot glass doors (1st is act I; 2nd is first half of act II to midpoint) 3rd is second half of act II, last door is act III. The problem with the cards is each card is dedicated to a full scene which can contain many beats. There is a note feature which allows notes for each scene. Maybe I could put the beats in a note and print out just the notes. I will investigate this.

If that doesn’t work, I am thinking of simply cut and pasting the script into a word file hi-lighting all the beats, a different color for each character etc. Eliminating most dialog and descriptions. Then format the word file to 3×5 card with each card having all the beats of each scene.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Mike Williamsen characters’ introductions

WIL: Visual description, actions, dialog need to be Oscar class in introductions.

Sheriff MIKE* APPARENT HERO

A Sheriffs car pulls off the road into a parking lot.

The door opens, SHERIFF MIKE sets a bagged bottle down on the floorboard, gets out slowly, covered slightly by the door and car, he pees on the ground. Sheriff Mike, 50, going on 70. His shoulders slump to one side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing it, all under the hair of a fashion magazine cover.

A car going by slows down, window open the driver pulls out a phone and takes a picture. “I see the headlines: Sheriff pisses away the election.”

Mike lumbers to a large tarp on the ground. Victoria joins him. He says he has the money for the mortgage, just needs to get the check in. He pulls the tarp back to reveal a victim who has been slashed and has a ziptie around his neck.

VICTORIA – LOVE INTEREST

A small sedan rattles into a parking lot. VICTORIA slips out of the car dropping her phone into a puddle. Obviously a looker in her day, now weathered by too high expectations leading to disappointments.

She goes up to Mike as he is standing over a tarp on the ground. He pulls the tarp back. She turns and pukes. Mike comments about her being a bit out of character now being a crime reporter.

She pulls her camera up to take a photo. Mike stops her to keep this hush for awhile.

She replies that she really needs a good story to keep this job and their 4 year old daughter in the private school.

BILLIONAIRE BOB$,APPARENT VILLAIN dominating, wickedly handsome, always dressed like he owns GQ Magazine, never met a mirror he didn’t like. Jokester with one-liners.

Mike and Victoria walk to the parking lot. Their daughter Lucy in Mike’s arms.

A black limo pulls into the lot stopping in the middle. The driver opens a rear door.

A long slow-motion pause.

Out comes BILLIONAIRE $BOB$,VILLAIN dominating, wickedly handsome, always dressed like he owned GQ Magazine, never met a mirror he didn’t like.

Lucy jumps from Mike’s arms and into Bob’s arms calling him Uncle Bob.

Mike steps towards Bob, clenched fists. Bob’s driver steps up with both fists accusing Bob of stealing his wife and now his child.

Lucy melts them all causing them to back down from the fight.

Bob outclasses Mike by apologizing for his driver saying this is no way to act in front of a child.

Mike offers to take Lucy for the night.

Victoria says no.

Bob hands Lucy to Mike saying a child needs a good father.

MAYOR – APARENT HERO’S BEST FRIEND turns to be the ultimate villain in the end.

Bob and the deputy sit in a dark corner of a bar. The room fills with spotlights for the grand entrance of MAYOR. Every step he takes is like a runway model, smile and suit frozen, posed for the camera. All eyes in the bar follow his grand walk to the back corner, Mayor nodding to them in kingly fashion.

Bob gets right to the point inviting Mayor to join their sex-slave ring tempting him with “a lot of money.”

Mayor declines.

Bob shows Mayor photos of Mayor with young girls at the last party.

Mayor says “How much money is a lot of money.”

Bob writes a number on a napkin and slides it to Mayor.

Mayor says: “What do we do with Mike (Mayor’s best friend and sheriff investigation the sex-slave operation.

Outside the bar, Mayor makes a call “we have a problem but I have an idea to swing it around.”

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Character Story Beats

WIL: ~w0w~ to me: The concept of the change agent, and necessity to have a main character, made me think about LUCY, Victoria and Mike’s 4 year old daughter, is the character brought who will become the CHANGE AGENT. She is loved by everyone, everyone is looking out for her in their own distorted way. She is kidnapped is a story about kidnapping. What a great idea to bring the story out a bit from a child’s perspective to build empathy and suspense.

SIDE NOTE: This story will have a huge background presence in the world of human trafficking with the big profound moment at the end when the villain not only survive, not only takes over the human trafficking ring, but announces his bid for state congress. I connected with another SU classmate who has been researching human trafficking for 20 years!!!

And my friends wonder what the hell I do on my laptop all day.

VICTORIA

LOGLINE of VICTORIA LOVE INTEREST obviously a looker in her day now weathered by too high of expectations leading to disappointments.

Role in the story Single mother Victoria (Victory in Latin) is caught in the middle of her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike* who seems to killing off his kidnapping suspects while her new billionaire/defense attorney boyfriend $Bob$ appears to be the kidnapping ring leader. Her daughter disappears. She has to rise up against all her traits to save her daughter.

Flaw – she relies on men for support and life decisions.

Want/Need – to be simply a mother

Mission/Agenda – she must manipulate her ex-husband, current boyfriend and Mexican gang to save her daughter with no skills.

Character Arc (if any) Meek and insecure, all is hopeless, she pulls it together, saves her daughter, rejoins her daughter in a simple life

Secret -. She is of Mexican decent and connected to the Mexican Gangsters. both Sheriff Mike’s side/kick deputy and Billionaire boyfriend Bob’s driver are her cousins.

Subtext Logline – Victoria is sweet, caring, and honest to a fault. She learns to lie. Then she learns to lie in her caring.

BEGINNING Victoria tries to keep peace between her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike and her new romantic pursuit Billionaire Bob.

MIDDLE Victoria suspects Mike may be the serial killer killing off his kidnapping suspects and Bob may be the ringleader of the kidnapping ring.

Her daughter disappears.

She is caught in the midst of Mike and Bob’s battle.

END She manipulates Mike and Bob in attempts for them to destroy each other.

She gets the Mexican gangsters to save the kidnapped children.

She is reunited with her daughter Lucy.

VICTORIA’S BEATS:

————-

MIKE* Sheriff MIKE*, (apparent HERO) 50, going on 70. His shoulders slump to one side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing it, all under the hair of a fashion magazine cover.

Flaw -Being sheriff too long has made him overly bold, mistakenly confident in his abilities, and too loyal to marginal friends.

Want/Need –Save his daughter, make his late father proud, reunite his family with Victoria, have his grandkids grow up at the mansion he inherited from his father.

Mission/Agenda - to find the kidnappers and serial killer

Secret- he is dying of cancer, he may actually be the serial killer killing off his kidnapping suspects – the story ends without a clear answer.

Something they don't want to admit about themselves: he is way out of his league opposing billionaire Bob. His mansion is in ruins.

BEGINNING Mike finds his kidnapping suspects are being killed by a serial killer using ZIPTIES. He suspects Bob is the king pin.

MIDDLE He finds proof Bob is kidnapping ring leader and lays a trap.

Mike gets arrested for being the ringleader and the serial killer killing of competition.

END Mike escapes into protection of Mexican Gangsters.

Mike has final showdown with Bob who shoots and kills Mike.

Mike escapes into protection of Mexican Gangsters.

Mike has final showdown with Bob who shoots and kills Mike.

MIKE’S BEATS

Mike is at a murder scene with slashing and a ziptie around victim’s neck.

Mike engages Bob$ in front of Victoria, both accusing each other. Bob outclasses him badly.

Bob$ goes to Mike’s office to become partners in fighting kidnapping ring. Mike smells the rat.

————–

BOB$

BEGINNING

MIDDLE

END

BEATS

Bob makes a fool out of Mike at the beach in front of Victoria.

Bob tries to convince Mike that he can give Mike a lot of kidnapping insider info. Mike says Bob is just trying to get rid of competition.

Bob takes Victoria on a billionaire’s sunset chase on his yacht and jet.

Victoria steals Bob’s briefcase with incriminating evidence he is involved with the kidnappers.

Bob convinces Victoria he only wanted to get the evidence into Mike’s hand to better his chase of the kidnappers.

We find out Bob IS the kidnapping ring leader. Victoria does not know.

Bob admits to Mike he does have daughter Lucy. Victoria is secretly listening on Mike’s phone. Bob shoots Mike.

Bob takes credit for the overturn of the kidnappers and saving the children. It was actually Victoria putting the Mexican Gangsters to the task.

Bob announces he is running for State Assembly or District Attorney.

——————

MAYOR

BEATS:

Shows loyalty to Mike.

Shrugs off attempts by Bob to join his “operation,”

Gets blackmailed by Bob$ to join kidnapping ring.

Introduces Bob$ to the human trafficking operation which is huge.

Mike gives incriminating evidence that Bob$ is the kidnapper and maybe more to his trusted friend Mayor. Mayor betrays Mike by telling Bob$ about evidence.

Mayor announces on tv that Mike is being arrested for kidnapping and being the serial killer killing off competition.

Mayor gets blown up along with Victoria’s house he thought he just bought at a foreclosure auction.

—————

LUCY, Victoria and Mike’s 4-year-old daughter is the character brought who will become the CHANGE AGENT. She is loved by everyone, everyone is looking out for her in their own distorted way. She is kidnapped is a story about kidnapping. What a great idea to bring the story out a bit from a child’s perspective to build empathy and suspense.

BEGINNING She steps in the middle of a conflict between Mike and Bob melting them, all attempt to not upset her.

MIDDLE – she is kidnapped. We find she is safe with people she knows. Parents don’t know. Must find a way to keep her in story with false security and ever presence of danger.

END – We find out it was Bob who kidnapped her holding her captive in his penthouse condo.

Lucy is reunited with her mother Victoria

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: I have always thought of keeping a character description handy while writing. This assignment. Here is what I have so far. This will definitely be much more developed before I start the actual rewrite.

LOGLINE of VICTORIA LOVE INTEREST obviously a looker in her day now weathered by too many expectations leading to disappointments.

Role in the story Single mother Victoria (Victory in Latin) is caught in the middle of her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike* who seems to killing off his kidnapping suspects while her new billionaire/defense attorney boyfriend $Bob$ appears to be the kidnapping ring leader. Her daughter disappears. She has to rise up against all her traits to save her daughter.

Core Character Traits (no more than five)

Flaw – she relies on men for support and life decisions.

Want/Need – to be simply a mother

Mission/Agenda – she must manipulate her ex-husband, current boyfriend and Mexican gang to save her daughter with no skills.

Character Arc (if any) Meek and insecure, all is hopeless, she pulls it together, saves her daughter, rejoins her daughter in a simple life

Secret -. She is of Mexican decent and connected to the Mexican Gangsters. both Sheriff Mike’s side/kick deputy and Billionaire boyfriend Bob’s driver are her cousins.

Subtext Logline – Victoria is sweet, caring, and honest to a fault. She learns to lie. Then she learns to lie in her caring.

Sheriff MIKE*, (apparent HERO) 50, going on 70. His shoulders slump to one

side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong

place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging

crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing

it, all under the hair of a fashion magazine cover.

Flaw -Being sheriff too long has made him overly bold, mistakenly confident in his abilities, and too loyal to marginal friends.

Want/Need –Save his daughter, make his late father proud, reunite his family with Victoria, have his grandkids grow up at the mansion he inherited from his father.

Mission/Agenda - to find the kidnappers and serial killer

Secret- he is dying of cancer, he may actually be the serial killer killing off his kidnapping suspects – the story ends without a clear answer.

Something they don't want to admit about themselves: he is way out of his league opposing billionaire Bob. His mansion is in ruins.

BILLIONAIRE $BOB$,VILLAIN dominating, wickedly handsome, always dressed like he was just modelling for GQ Magazine, never met a mirror he didn’t like. Jokester –

Flaw – self-confidence beyond realty. Narcissist and sociopath.

Want/Need – to make his late father proud by extending family wealth exponentially at all costs to the little people.

Mission/Agenda – Power and riches, more is more

World View – all the world is his servant

Secret he really is the kidnapper ringleader, doesn’t get that because the words came out of his mouth makes them true.

Something they don't want to admit about themselves:

What makes this character unique? A billionaire willing to spend

MAYOR

Role – Sheriff’s Mikes long-term trusted friend. Mayor betrays him - Mike finds out too late.

Core Character Traits – many sided, plays people easily, makes practical decisions

Character Subtext Logline – he charming, well spoken, a great liar

OPTIONAL:

Flaw – womanizer

Want/Need -

Mission/Agenda -

Character Arc he is loyal friend, gets blackmailed, joins kidnapping ring, brings ring into human trafficking, greed gets him blown up

Life Metaphor/Identity

Secret – he betrays his long-time friend Mike early in the story known only to Bob and audience

[Michael Williamsen]

why can’t we delete when posting in the wrong place?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: The last few weeks have made me take a very serious look at the flow of this story. I abandoned the 60 page script already written along with some 20 pages of notes of the past six months… I just took the act list from the last lesson and winged it filling in what I remember was the core of the story. This process has revealed several new incidents to create mystery, intrigue, and suspense.

I also abandoned the scene numbering as I was changing the order of previous scenes around a lot.

I asked a friend who has written many big hits in the music biz if when he wakes up in the middle of the night with a great idea, does he write it down. He said, “nope if it was good, I will remember in the morning.”

I change character names to have a symbol to make it easier to remember. I’d be curious if you find it easier.

—-

LOGLINE: Single mother Victoria (Victory in Latin) is caught in the middle of her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike* who seems to killing off his kidnapping suspects while her new billionaire/defense attorney boyfriend $Bob$ appears to be the kidnapping ring leader. Her daughter disappears.

ACT I:

INTRO

EXT. PICKUP TRUCK – NIGHT

SKINHEAD THUG gets slashed with a long knife. A voice says: Where are they?” Thug curses. A ziptie gets tightened around the thugs neck. “Wrong answer.”

EXT. CRIME SCENE – DAY

VICTORIA and her ex, SHERIFF MIKE* investigate a crime scene. We find they have a daughter, and he can’t pay the mortgage.

Mike* has a long knife strapped to his belt. Victoria senses that her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike* is killing off his kidnapping suspects by making is seem like a serial killer.

INCITING INCEDENT

EXT. BEACH – DAY

A confrontation between Sheriff Mike* and boyfriend $Bob$ reveals they are at extreme odds with each other. $BOB$ shows Victoria he is the better man in all ways including behaving in front of Mike* and Victoria’s daughter. Mike* and Bob$ make subtext hints accusing the other of killing off suspects.

EXT. SERIES OF SCENES – SUNSET

$Bob$, Victoria’s new billionaire boyfriend/defense attorney $Bob$ is shows her a life she never dreamed of. Limo, helicopter, dinner on a yacht, chase the sunset in a private jet. (my normal first date)

INT. MIKE’S OFFICE – DAY

$Bob$ enters Mike’*s office and tries to get Mike* to join forces. $Bob$ is an inherited, criminal defense attorney with lots of clients of nasty reputation. Bob wants to create his own legacy, one his late father will be proud of. He offers to give Mike insider secrets to help rid the kidnapping ring. Mike’s intuition rejects Bob.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE – DAY

Mike* and MAYOR show their long-term friendship.

EXT. CRIME SCENE – DAY

Victoria and Mike* investigate another Zip-Tie killing. Mike tries to impress her of his sluth-li-ness by describing in detail how this killing was a copycat killing who is right-handed and why the real killer is left-handed. Victoria comments: “You are left-handed.”

INT. MIKES CONDO – NIGHT

News reports suggests Mike may be killing off his suspects. Also report on local human trafficking ring is hitting record numbers.

INT. MIKES OFFICE – DAY

Victoria accuses Mike* of kidnapping their daughter.

ACT II

INT. BAR – NIGHT

$Bob$ blackmails Mayor to turn to join his sex-club of young girls. Mayor tells Bob they should take over the human-trafficking ring going on the whole time. “Go big.”

Mayor: “what do we do about Mike*?”

INT. VICTORIAS CAR – NIGHT

Both Mike* and $Bob$ make very convincing arguments the other took her daughter. Her car is let into a tall condo project by a private security guard who smiles.

INT. BOBS CONDO – NIGHT

Victoria finds evidence in a briefcase left on $Bob$’s table he is involved with the kidnapping ring. She steels the briefcase and escapes while Bob is in the shower.

INT. MIKES OFFICE MORNING Victoria gives the briefcase to Mike*

INT. MAYORS OFFICE – CONTINUED

Mike gives it to his long-time friend the town MAYOR. Mike exits.

Mayor calls $Bob$: “we need to go NOW.”

ACT II FIRST TURNING POINT

INT. VICTORIA’S CAR – DAY

$Bob$ charms Victoria into believing he is only trying to reveal the actions of the kidnapping ring. His arguments are very believable convincing the audience he is being righteous. “Why do you think the gate-guard let you out?”

Victoria, still confused, realizes she must manipulate both Mike* and $Bob$ and enlist some muscle from the Mexican Gangsters.

INT. BOBS CAR -CONTINUED

We see $Bob$ directly involved with the kidnappers as he is talking with Victoria on the phone.

ACT II MIDPOINT

INT. MIKES APARTMENT NIGHT

Sheriff Mike* is arrested for both the kidnapping ringleader as well as trying to kill off competition via serial killing.

Victoria is frantic as now her main source of saving her daughter is on the run without the sheriff offices’ resources. She finds Mike is dying of cancer.

Mike* fades away into the safety of the Mexican Gangsters’ hotel thinking he is being held as a prisoner.

ACT II 2^ND TURNING POINT

INT. MIKES OFFICE – DAY

Mayor, $Bob$ and his right-hand man Deputy Dave peruse Mike’s office looking for clues. Mayor touches a military award on the wall, “what is this for?’ Deputy Dave, closing the window says, “Mike was a sniper.” A bullet goes through his head.

INT. VICTORIA’S MANSION – NIGHT

Victoria finds a vault in the basement. She finds an arsenal big enough for a small army.

EXT. MEXICAN GANSTER HOTEL – MORNING

Gangsters load up heavy arms onto trucks and pass around small weapons (apparently from Victoria’s basement.)

INT. BOB’S CAR – MORNING

Bob gets a call that Mike is going to a certain coffee shop.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

Mike goes into coffee shop – sees Bob. He goes directly to the bathroom in the back. He sees THUGS outside the back door. He returns and sits down. Bob makes another plea to get Mike to work with him, especially since is already a bad guy on the run. He asks Mike how he knew the deputy would be closing the window.

Mike: “I was hoping it would be you who closed the window.”

Bob pulls a pistol out from under his newspaper and shoots Mike.

ACT III

EXT. WAREHOUSE – MORNING

The Mexican Gangsters save the children.

EXT. MEXICAN BEACH – DAY

Victoria’s daughter is returned to her.

INT. MEXICAN HOTEL – DAY

News announce $Bob$ announces he is running for District Attorney.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: I should have started a whole new story for this class. I have some 60 some pages already in screenplay format (Movie Magic Screenwriter Pro) (from Pro78). I think I can put the beats in a NOTE for each scene to reference and keep, then not print out on the printed drafts. It would have been much better to start from scratch and build along with the development of the structure. Havin a story already flushed out will be like putting a new skeleton in a body. Challenge accepted!

[Michael Williamsen]

HOMEWORK

WIL: This story has a lot of opportunities for some badly need creativity – my specialty!!!.

LOGLINE: Sheriff Mike is finding his kidnapping suspects are being killed off by a serial killer, his ex-wife is dating his biggest target, and his daughter disappears.

SUB LOGLINE: Divorced single mother Victoria is caught between her ex-husband/Sheriff Mike who is suspected of killing off his kidnapping suspects and her billionaire boyfriend Bob who she suspects is the kidnapper. Her daughter disappears.

Main Conflict: Sheriff Mike (and ex-husband to main character Victoria) suspects his kidnapping suspects are being killed off by an apparent serial killer using zipties to strangle victims. Billionaire/defense attorney Bob (and new boyfriend to Victoria) is trying to grow his sex-trade by covering up with media hype over kidnappings, then take over the human-trafficking trade, frame Sheriff Mike for it all.

Sub Conflict: Victoria is caught in the middle of her ex Sheriff Mike and Boyfriend Bob. Her daughter disappears. Mike and Bob point the obvious captor; the other. Victoria needs to manipulate them both to save her and Mike’s daughter.

1. Opening: Thug1 gets slashed and zipped. A muffled voice: “Where are they?”

Inciting Incident: Heated debate at beach reveals bob and mike accuse each other for killings: Mike killing off kidnapping suspects and Bob killing off sex-trade competition for clients. Victoria is hating on Sheriff Mike while Boyfriend Bob is swooning her with exotic treats.

2. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Mike and Bob meet at Mike’s office. Bob tries to befriend and become partners with Mike telling him he can help him catch the kidnappers and serial killer by providing him with inside info Bob by law can’t divulge by attorney/client privileges.

3. First turning point at end of Act 1: Bob blackmails Mike’s trusted friend the Mayor to join the sex-slave biz. We now know Bob is sex-slave ringleader, Victoria still doesn’t. Mike and Victoria’s daughter disappears. Victoria accuses Mike. Mike accuses Bob.

4. Mid-Point: Media has turned on Sheriff Mike as killing off his suspects. Victoria finds evidence that Bob is the sex-slave ringleader which she gives to Mike who gives it to his trusted friend the Mayor. Bob goes narcissist on Victoria trying to prove the evidence wrong and he was intended to get to Mike to help catch kidnapping ring. Bob is parked in front of a warehouse and human trafficking victims are being off-loaded from a truck.

5. Second turning point of Act 2: Mike is arrested for kidnapping ring and serial killing.

6. Crisis: Mike escapes going underground with the Mexican Mob.

7. Climax: Bob catches Mike in a coffee shop. Mike gets Bob to admit he has Lucy in his downtown condo. Victoria is secretly listening on Mike’s phone.

8. Resolution: Victoria is reunited with her daughter on a beach in Mexico. Bob announces he is running for State Assembly.

SEPARATED OUT: The CRISIS NEEDS A LOT OF STIMULATION – STAY TUNED

[Michael Williamsen]

LOGLINE: Single mother Victoria is caught in the middle of her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike who seems to killing off his kidnapping suspects while her new billionaire/defense attorney boyfriend appears to be the kidnapping ringleader. Her daughter disappears.

ACT I: Single mother, rooking crime reporter Victoria senses that her ex-husband, Sheriff Mike is killing off his kidnapping suspects by making is seem like a serial killer.

Her new billionaire boyfriend/defense attorney Bob is showing her a life she never dreamed.

A confrontation between ex-husband Sheriff Mike and boyfriend Bob reveals they are at extreme odds with each other. Bob shows Victoria he is the better man in all ways including behaving in front of Mike and Victoria’s daughter.

Victoria becomes convinced Bob is involved with the kidnapping ring. She suspects he may also be orchestrating the serial killings to destroy his competition and place the blame on Mike.

Victoria’s daughter disappears.

ACT II Bob charms Victoria into believing he is only trying to reveal the actions of the kidnapping ring.

We see Bob directly involved with the kidnappers as he is talking with her on the phone.

Victoria realizes she must manipulate both Mike and Bob and enlist some muscle from the Mexican Gangsters.

ACT 2 MIDPOINT Sheriff Mike is arrested for both the kidnapping ringleader as well as trying to kill off competition via serial killing.

Victoria is frantic as now her main source of saving her daughter is on the run without the sheriff offices’ resources.

Mike kills Bob’s right-hand man. Bob shoots Mike.

Bob announces he is running for District Attorney.

ACT III

The Mexican Gangsters save the children.

Victoria’s daughter is returned to her.

[Michael Williamsen]

This story started as a simple logline and developed in last winter/spring’s ProSeries78 class.

“Single mother/rooky crime reporter must manipulate her ex-husband/Sheriff who may be killing off his kidnapping suspects and her new billionaire boyfriend may be the serial killer just as her daughter disappears.”

Several SU courses added some polish. This course will be the final touch.

I have written several screenplays, biographies, magazine articles. One screenplay was turned into a novel and got published. One real estate book hit #10 on Amazon.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: structure rules. I am now writing my homework assignments on a word doc so I can save it and avoid internet glitches wiping out my homework.

Excitement

A. Emotion: Victoria has found a new love and hero and she is happy

B. Action: She treats her ex aggressively

C. Challenge/Weakness: Her billionaire boyfriend shows suspicious activities. Weakness: she loves the thought of money and a glamourous lifestyle.

Doubt

A. Emotion: doubt, suspicion, fear. Her new boyfriend may be a criminal/Can she really trust her?

B. Action: becomes cautious, backs off in her romance, her daughter Lucy disappears.

C. Challenge/Weakness: she wants love and financial freedom/ trusts blindly

Hope

A. Emotion: happy as her boyfriend convinces her he is doing good

B. Action: trust, ignores evidence for her boyfriend

C. Challenge/Weakness: she trusts blindly which boyfriend uses to manipulate her, she starts to trust her ex to help her

Discouragement

A. Emotion: desperation, fear, sadness,

B. Action: won’t face boyfriend Bob with evidence, she withdraws from boyfriend, her ex is arrested for the human trafficking

C. Challenge/Weakness: now convinced boyfriend is a criminal; how does she escape

Courage

A. Emotion: anxiety, fear fuel her need to be strong, love, desperation for her daughter

B. Action: she pulls herself together, manipulates Mike Bob and Mex Gangsters to save kidnapped kids and hopefully her daughter

C. Challenge/Weakness: up against powerful people / fighting evil is not her job title

Triumph…or Loss.

A. Emotion: Exhaustion, loss, and joy, and a cloud of fear

B. Action: her ex is dead, Daughter has been saved, she leaves the country

C. Challenge/Weakness: TRIUMPH: she has a new future but on the run. LOSS: Her ex-boyfriend kidnapping attorney who was running the ring that was raided by Victoria’s Mexican Gangsters was able to cover up his involvement and now running for District Attorney.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: even assignments can be part of the learning process. I gained more clarity on the plot and characters arcs just writing out the assignment.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

Victoria is sweet single mother struggling to live on her ex-husband’s alimony and child support.

Her ex finds his kid-napping suspects are being killed by a serial killer.

Her new billionaire/criminal defense attorney boyfriend is the answer to her problems.

Serial killing evidence starts to point back at the sheriff.

She starts to suspect her new boyfriend is involved in the kidnapping ring. His deception keeps her on the hook.

Victoria’s daughter disappears.

Ex-husband and boyfriend wage war against each other.

The kidnapping investigation reveals there is also a connection to a large ring of human trafficking and sex slavery.

She is alone to find her daughter.

She manipulates both ex and boyfriend for clues of her daughter.

She enlists the help of the Mexican Mob to over through the kidnappers to rescue the children. Her daughter is not found in the rescue mission.

She sets her ex and boyfriend to meet in a final showdown in hopes they will reveal where her daughter is.

Her ex reveals he has Victoria’s daughter just as he shoots the ex. The ex’s phone was on with Victoria on the other line.

She escapes out of the country with the help of the Mexican Gangsters and is reunited with her daughter.

The boyfriend announces his is running for State Congress. (the big profound moment)

CHANGE AGENT The Mayor would be good as he is the best friend with the ex/sheriff and they both trust him. Mayor gets blackmailed and betrays Victoria and ex/sheriff about mid story. Could be the ex but Victoria thinks he took her daughter. Another interesting possibility would be the boyfriend as he is great at deceiving her with her hope for him to be the “one.” He changes her for the good accidentally.

TRANSFORABLE CHARACTER has to be Victoria as she is the only one who changes for the good. The rest end up dead anyway.

OPPRESSION: Kidnapping ring which is revealed to be also a human trafficking and sex-slave ring escalation the impossibility of Victoria finding her daughter.

BETRAYING CHARACTER: Pretty much all characters betray Victoria. Maybe stretch one’s betrayal out longer or have the boyfriend’s betrayal not revealed to her until the very end when he admits he has her daughter.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: I like the idea of a logline for just the main character. It keeps the story in a certain direction while the subplots murk things up.

LOGLINE: Rookie crime reporter gets caught between her ex-husband/sheriff whom she suspects is killing off his kid-napping suspects via serial killing, and her new billionaire boyfriend she suspects is running the kidnapping ring. Then her daughter disappears.

OLD WAYS: Submissive, kind to a fault, blind trust that everything will work out.

NEW WAYS: Trust must be earned and validated often. Our destiny is determined by our decisions and actions.

[Michael Williamsen]

PROFOUND TRUTH. Governments are corrupt. The legal system is game created by politicians (lawyers) regulated by judges (lawyers) and played by lawyers fighting over their clients’ money. We wonder why lawyers always walk away with all the money?

CHANGE: We learn that by being aware, paying attention, and making some tough choices we can survive and be happy.

ENTERTAINMENT Single mother Victoria and rooking crime reporter is caught in a web of treachery and violence. Her ex-husband Sheriff is finding his kidnapping suspects are being killed off by a serial killer and the evidence is pointing back to him. Victoria’s new billionaire boyfriend criminal defense attorney is not only responsible for the kidnappings, but he is taking over the human trafficking ring he is publicly trying to prosecute, all while rising to power in the political system. Victoria’s 3-year-old daughter disappears.

WIL: my original story had the husband/sheriff as the hero and the attorney the villain. Victoria was just the love interest caught in between. Now my intention is to have Victoria the hero with the arc of a kind and loving mother, turned investigator, to manipulating her ex-husband/sheriff and her billionaire super criminal to find her daughter and escape alive.

With the big surprise/profound ending we never expected.

~w0w~ that all just came out of my fingers…

[Michael Williamsen]

What I learned from this class: There are a lot of great writers in this class. I learned more from the comments than the class!! I look forward to more comments!!!

I believe the CHANGE AGENT was time. There every morning to be him into the reality he had only 24 hours of life experiences before he started over again the next morning. He had no availability to build for a future, develop relationships, or enjoy many aspects of life.

I learned that PROFOUND is something that can just drip into a story, can become apparent to us viewers until the main character gets it which brings us into a satisfying conclusion.

[Michael Williamsen]

I don’t consider myself a writer, but a storyteller. Starting in college with term papers, published a biography on a Chicago Cubs pitcher, a novel starting off about my son’s Little League experience with that nasty coach, then cut my imagination loose to have an incredible time at the keyboard. I just adore the freedom of fiction. Also published a book on how not to get crushed in a divorce over the real estate (#10 on Amazon for a micro-split of time). Currently, I have 3 screenplays I think will benefit from this course. I have taken quite a few classes from ScreenwritingU and hope this course will put it all together for one of them.

[Michael Williamsen]

Coach Denzel’s assault on captain Gary was powerful and got what Coach wanted: dominance over the team. I think this sets up a great opportunity to show coach having some insecurities needing to be hidden in his aggressiveness. Bring up a previous wound which affects his future. Race is an obvious conflict. A new coach and reigning team captain have a lot of potential challenges to overcome and build a better team in both success and personal growth.

Captain Gary’ arrogance came from somewhere; where and from whom, and how will it affect his future. Gary’s eventual submission in this scene begs for future passive-aggressiveness from him and his teammates.

I have a scene where the villain blackmails the mayor to join his kidnapping ring. My old scene had the villain dominate the mayor from the first words and the mayor just does as he is told. Mayors are powerful people. I am rewriting the scene to have the mayor demand respect for his potential contribution and a large say in the future of the ring. From here I can build a troubled relationship filled with conflict and treachery which may or may not resolve before they are all killed in the end.

Here is the end of my new scene:

Bob is the kidnapping ringleader. Sheriff Mike has been discovering his kidnapping suspects are being eliminated in a serial-like killing by strangulation with Zip-ties. Some think sheriff is killing off suspects, some think Bob is killing off competition.

MAYOR

This just boils down to blackmail? Sex scandals and politicians go like peanut butter and jelly. You can’t just get my help that easy. My wife knows what I do. This is nothing new and would drop from the news in a couple days.

Mayor throws his decades of confidence in Bob’s face.

Think about how it would influence your reputation. I am ready to retire anyway. One call from me to Sheriff Mike and you are locked up for rat meat. The media and public would make me their savior for exposing you forgetting all about my little party video. They would erect a statue in the park of me. You would be just the final city enemy I slayed.

Bob interrupts Mayor and gives him THE LOOK.

BOB

Or we just kill you now.

Bob holds up a Zip-tie “ZIP.”

Mayor looks over at Joe, perched as the man-eating tiger to pounce. The arrogance on Mayor’s face slowly drips down like candle wax. His shoulders slump.

MAYOR

How much money am I looking at?

Bob scribbles on a napkin and slides it to Mayor. Mayor reads it – his eyes open wide.

Mayor gulps another shot.

MAYOR

What do we do with Mike?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

The new coach in town, black, a bit arrogant, perhaps a bit scared from the challenge is facing comes head-to-head with the team captain, white, all-star player, who attempts to put coach in his place. Coach pulls up his salt, covering up he is fully aware of the challenge he is facing, and perhaps a bit worried, acts a bit overly confident and steps into the face of his challenge.

Gary, the team all-star local boy, has no intention of letting an intruder disrupt his dominance of team. He throws his stacked deck of cards in coach’s face matching wits but slowly cowers down to a most likely short retreat.

My story has a criminal billionaire villain who blackmails the local Mayor. The scene where the mayor has accepted his fate to join the villain will show his resistance a bit by pulling in his mayoral powers to be dashed to groveling at the mercy of the villain. The Titans have given some good ideas to the verbal tennis match my characters can play.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

I have learned I am quite a bit behind and have no idea what lesson the WIL is attached to. I have been taking extensive notes of the lessons, have kept all my posts.

As the main mission of this course was to really beef up the love interest into the hero at the end, manipulating her ex-husband/sheriff who is suspected of killing off his kidnapping suspects, her narcissist/billionaire/attorney boyfriend who actually turns out the be the kidnapping ring leader, and secretly raising up the Mexican Ghetto Gansters to kill off he kidnappers and rescue the children, AND, all the while trying to find her missing 4 year old daughter without getting revealed and killed…

I have created a character arc scene by scene for the love interest/hidden true hero to build in the action, keep her identity clues not too obvious, to slowly rise up to pulling off an explosive ending.

I am really excited to do a major rewrite for this character merging the scene rewrites already done in this class and weave her character development secretly from the audience in subtle clues and misdirection and her dancing with death manipulating everyone else to do her wishes.

[Michael Williamsen]

My villain is a narcistic billionaire attorney who is secretly running a kidnapping/human trafficking ring and pursuing the main character’s ex-wife. The main character is a beaten, alcoholic sheriff, divorced, hoping to reunite with his ex, find the kidnapper. He is passive aggressive. I thought about making him appear a more worthy opponent against the villain. I have chosen to let him be passive, get beaten down even more. In the subtext we slowly start to suspect he is killing off the kidnapping ring rather than bring them to justice. As he starts to look sure to fail, his ex-wife rises up secretly with hidden clues, manipulating her ex-husband/sheriff, her kidnapping boyfriend, and the Mexican gangsters to become the hero saving the kidnapped children. I want the audience to have empathy and root for our main character while he fades to the depths of no hope and the point of no return. Having his ex-wife be the surprising hero revealed in the last scene.

[Michael Williamsen]

Facial expressions, dialog delivery, settings, and subtext, subtext and more subtext can all be woven into a multi-d1mensional scene. Beggar Vance teases a bit to not be threatening, then makes his points with knowledge and action.

[Michael Williamsen]

These two characters both find they are mismatched in most every way down to the rings. They have a compatible need but, it is not so apparent to them in the dialog. We viewers see their need and can imagine a topsy-turvy future between the two.

I do not have any mispatched allies in my story so far. My characters are allies who end up enemies to the death. There is a relationship that is exposed slowly so that we don’t know their connection – maybe I can work this over.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Doc and Johnny are both possibly the best gunslingers – always a good showdown!

Doc tries to intimidate Johnny by speaking Latin. Johnny replies showing he is educated.

Johnny is a showboat, Doc is reserved, using comedy to avoid an instant gun battle.

Eye contact between them is intense and challenging. Johnny spins his gun to thrill the crowd and show off to Doc. Doc de-escalates the scene by spinning his cup.

Both are famous gunfighters, intimidating, like pleasing the crowd.

Doc is ill by his sweating.

We have an epic gun fight coming!

BREAKTHROUGH

My story has a scene where billionaire/attorney villain intimidates hero Sheriff with his power over the law. At the end of the meeting, Sheriff says:

“My badge hear shows my pledge to protect and serve you as a citizen with my life and this gun (pulls out his pistol) which according to my reputation is not unfamiliar with deciding the fate of others. Perhaps someday we will meet without the badge.” Maybe I will try to put a lot of this dialog into actions.

2nd thought: I think I will keep Sheriff docile and keep villain feeling he has conquered all. Use the scene as a MIS-DIRECTION for the audience.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Seabiscuit and Red are both down on their luck, fighting because they have nothing else except spirit and maybe, someone who believes in them.

[Michael Williamsen]

Expressions done well are just a valid as dialog per Annie. It was if she was on the phone.

My story has a female hero, divorced, daughter. She is being courted by a billionaire who takes her on an exotic date trying to prove himself. If this was a rom-com, the billionaire is the mulligan, the ex-husband is the hero, wife is the love interest.

I will add his attempt to prove himself as a worthy father with his dialog. She agrees all along. After he drops her off, she calls her ex-husband to thank him for being a great father – showing she still loves him. I don’t see why I can’t use the romantic comedy relationship in a thriller.

[Michael Williamsen]

Both Annie and Sam express respect (for the doctor yet still sarcasm in facial expressions. Both are experiencing online dating. Both are missing love. Both

Sam has been living his drama so I wouldn’t really call the phone call drama. The drama is best in Annie’s expression: the loss of Sam’s wife and her making everything special. Her expression of hope Sam will accept his loneliness and acknowledge he needs more than a mother for his son, a woman in his life.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen

What I learned – can use words as subtext while using action as the story

Watch 1^st time for:

Where is Junah coming
from?

Homeless vagabond, Golf experience bringing him wisdom and humor

Where is Bagger Vance coming
from?

Defeat and bitterness over losing his golf career

What makes
them right for their roles in this movie?

Their pain and past could merge into a good future

Watch 2^nd time for:

What drama was this scene built
around?

Vance teases Junah about losing his swing.

Vance crushes the golf ball – showing golf skill

What traits showed up in these
two character’s words and actions?

Vance – carefree, sense of humor, wise about golf

Junah – bitter, frustrated, un-privileged

[Michael Williamsen]

How is Kate’s secret set
up? The injured Marshall has Jack look at wanted poster of of
Kate Jack reads Kate is dangerous

What causes demand to know what
the secret is? Never game

How is Kate’s secret
revealed? She knows drunk man well. House blows up

Watch 2^nd time for:

What drama was this scene built
around?

1) Marshall is dying urgently tells Jack to look in pocket. Jack pulls out paper and says dangerous

2) Never game – shows both characters have killed a man

3) Kate appears to take care of man. Something smells. She, puts him to bed. Man thinks he has a chance with kate. Kate leaves, house blows up. Kate does not look back.

What traits showed up in these
character’s words and actions?

Kate has a cold-blooded streak

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen

What future is Sarah Connor
living into?

A future of war, being a leader.

What future is Kyle Reese
living into?

Guiding Sarah into her future. His inevitable death.

What is Sarah’s transformation
that is implied by this scene?

She goes from fearful to caring and helpful, to realizing her future will be of leadership, organization, fighting and hiding, destruction and death,

Watch 2^nd time for:

What drama was this scene built
around?

Sarah takes care of Kyle’s wound

Kyle tells her of her future and current responsibility to get there.

What traits showed up in these
two character’s words and actions?

Kyle: the Traveling Hero character, brave, self-sacrificing, no stranger to pain, adventurous,

Sarah: afraid, denial, begins to accept her fate

[Michael Williamsen]

Will – passive aggressive, unsure genius, caring, not afraid of physical violence

Skyler – sweet, kind to less fortunate

Chuckie – gamer, insecure about his lack of education, womanizer

Drama-

Chuckie set up drama by going way over his head pretending to be college educated

Skyler – defended Chuckie

Will – stepped in with a point-counterpoint game of economic knowledge, then escalated to physical violence

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen

REDO CHARACTER TRAITS

VVICTORIA is a mother, ex-wife to Mike, and an ambitious crime reporter. Bob is her divorce attorney.

LOGLINES

Victoria’s daughter disappears into a city filled with kidnapping and human trafficking, her ex-husband is the sheriff is killing the suspects, and she discovers her new boyfriend is the kidnapper.

To save her daughter who has disappeared, Victoria must maintain her everyone’s sweetheart image to manipulate her ex-husband Sheriff and boyfriend, and local gangsters.

VICTIORIA’S TRAITS OLD: Victoria former traits: Everyone loves Victoria. Passive, sweet, non-confrontational. Everyone loves to help her.

VICTIORIA’S TRAITS REVISED: Everyone’s sweetheart, passive aggressive, starts non-confrontational. She gets more aggressive and uses her kindness as a way to manipulate information from other characters. to the extreme where she launches the Mexican gangsters to save her daughter and the kidnapped children.

INT. VICTORIA’S CAR – NOON – BOB IS IN HIS CAR

BOB

(on speaker phone)

Hi Victoria. I wish I could see you. I just want to know you are all right. I’d love just to give you a hug. I know I have put you through a lot. I hate myself for it. I had to do something to stop the kidnappers. I just wasn’t smart enough to find a better way. I wanted you to know that I plan on bidding on your house at the foreclosure auction so you won’t have to leave. You can stay there. You don’t have to worry.

Bob hangs up.

Victoria sits in her car, in front of her house, listening. Her phone rings again.

BOB

Oh, and some good news I have a lead on Lucy. I think she is ok…

Victoria answers.

VICTORIA

You do?

Bob is set back that Victoria actually answered.

BOB

Oh sweetie. I am so glad you picked up. I haven’t slept a second worrying that you believe I have anything to do with the kidnappers. You really jumped to the wrong conclusion about me.

Bob rolls the window down in his car to show children being taken off a truck and marched into a warehouse.

No reply from Victoria.

BOB

I really love you Victoria and my biggest desire is to bring Lucy back to you.

VICTORIA

Really? You really care that much?

BOB

With all my heart.

VICTORIA

(interrupts)

Where is Lucy?

BOB

I Don’t know yet. I just overheard her name on a phone call a client was having in my office. It would have endangered us all if I had questioned him.

VICTORIA

She’s safe?

BOB

I believe so. I really want to see you.

VICTORIA

I want to see you too.

BOB

Come to my downtown condo right now.

VICTORIA

Ok. I really want this all to work out.

BOB

Me too sweetie. I am so happy I am going to see you and straiten all your misunderstandings out.

Both hang up.

EXT. MEXICAN HOTEL – CONTINUOUS

Victoria’s car pulls into the Hotel as a hooded GANGSTER #4 opens her car door.

VICTORIA

I need your help.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen

3 scripts

My current draft came out of the ProSeries78 and the Thriller courses needing a very strong female character.

Published author – 1 novel, 1 biography, 1 how-to book (#10 on Amazon) and numerous real estate magazine articles

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #15 Thriller Map version 3. SPECIAL THANKS TO JEFF BRYCE for his relentless and scathingly deep and incredibly useful critique on Map#2.

“Zip Tie Strangler”

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization. He gaslights Victoria into trusting him.

HERO Rookie reporter Victoria, ex-wife to Sheriff Mike, dating the Villain Bob. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children.

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, Victoria’s ex-husband, will stop at nothing to save his daughter and regain his marriage to Victoria.

LOGLINE: Rookie crime reporter Victoria, hot on the trail of a kidnapping ring, must outwit local gangsters and thugs, her alcoholic ex-husband Sheriff, and her narcissist billionaire boyfriend to bring her daughter safely home and stay alive.

OPENING

1. EXT. CRIME SCENE 1 – NIGHT

A thug is violently killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP! The killers asks: “where are they?” He is looking for some people and willing to kill to find them.

2. EXT. CRIME SCENE 1 – DAY

Sheriff Mike is investigating the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie. Victoria, Mikes ex-wife, shows hostility towards Mike, affection and showing affection to her new boyfriend billionaire lawyer Bob.

3. EXT. BORDER CROSSING CAGES – DAY

Thugs take children from border-crossing cages, bribing border guards, and delivering to various sites. Local children, mostly from the Mexican community, are also missing – a kidnapping epidemic is upon the city.

4. INT. VICTORIA’S HOUSE DAY

Victoria discovers guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines in her basement in a secret vault, enough to launch a small army, apparently left by Mike after the divorce.

EXT. CRIME SCENE 2

Another killing with a ziptie. Victim has a criminal record for drug trafficking.

INCITING INCIDENT

5. INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria accuses Mike of taking her. She accuses Mike of being the Ziptie Strangler killing off his kidnapping suspects.

EXT. KIDNAPPING SCENE – DAY

Victoria reports that four children were taken from a bus stop in front of a junior high school in the Mexican ghetto.

6. INT. BAR NIGHT

Victoria’s billionaire boyfriend Bob reveals himself as the kidnapper to Mayor.

Mayor, Sheriff Mike ‘s close friend and confident, is blackmailed to join kidnapper kingpin Bob to deal with Mike as they suspect he is killing off their kidnapping crew.

End of ACT I – we know what the story is about

ACT II

7. INT. DOCTORS OFFICE – DAY

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer making him desperate to find his daughter.

TURNING POINT one – ACT II

Reveal – Victoria and Mike’s driver and Bob’s driver Joe are all related and doing independent research on the kidnappings. They are all Mexican.

Victoria’s reporter curiosity senses Bob is hiding something in his briefcase. She finds evidence that he is the kidnapper kingpin.

8. MIDPOINT (middle of Act II) lines of loyalty are drawn

9. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Victoria gives Sheriff Mike the evidence that Bob is the kidnapping ringleader. She now believes Mike did not take Lucy. Who did? Victoria responds favorably to Mike’s romantic interest.

10. INT. MAYORS OFFICE MORNING

Sheriff Mike gives to Mayor, whom Mike still believes is a trusted friend, the evidence against Bob. Mayor contacts Bob telling him they need to deal with Mike immediately.

11. INT: BOB’S CAR – DAY (on phone)

Bob is parked outside a warehouse while thugs unload children into a warehouse. Bob tells Victoria he knows she took the file, in fact he set it up for her to take as it reveals evidence that he couldn’t give up due to client/lawyer confidentiality. (gaslighting) She believes him.

Bob tells Victoria there will be a big bust on the kidnapping ring. Bob knows Mayor has the file and that arrests are in the process.

Bob tells Victoria he has a lead on the whereabouts of Lucy to stay in Victoria’s favor.

12. INT. MIKES BEDROOM – NIGHT

TV news channel reports Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief has been murdered by a drive-by shooting.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

Victoria reports that school buses of children were reported missing as all the police officers were at the Police Chief’s funeral.

13. TURNING POINT TWO -ACT II – all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

14. INT. MIKES APARTMENT – MORNING

Victoria is in bed with Mike as news the kidnapping ring and serial killer suspect is being arrested. Victoria escapes – she had a clue of the arrest. Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Bob’s driver Joe (cousin to Mike’s driver and Victoria) helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracking device on his phone.

CLIMAX

15. EXT. VARIOUS WAREHOUSES – MORNING

16. The Mexican Ghetto gangsters get truckloads of weapons, enough for a small army, and show their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

17. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

The tracking device on Mike’s phone which is traced by Bob’s driver (remember he is Victoria’s cousin) leads Bob to Mike at a coffee shop.

Mike and Bob meet face to face in the coffee shop. Both stating their intentions to kill each other. Victoria is secretly hearing on Mike’s cellphone speaker. Bob reveals he has Mike and Victoria’s daughter Lucy in his high-rise condo.

Bob shoots Mike.

Bob gets sliced up in the back alley by Mexican Gangsters with switch blades.

Victoria with Bob’s driver save Lucy.

(at this point, we really don’t know who the ZiPtie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using ZiPties on the kidnapping thugs but am preferring to leave it open for after movie conversations and cocktails .)

18. RESOLUTION

19. EXT. BEACH IN EXOTIC COUNTRY – MORNING

20. Victoria, her daughter, and Bob’s driver Joe meet on the beach in Mexico.

She pulls off the Ziptie which was used to fix her purse. ZiP!

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Thriller Map version 2 WIL: A special thanks to KImberly Jurgen for her feedback. There is NOTHING better than having a skilled set of eyes review anything I write. Kimberly really whittled down the roots of the story. Several scenes in the previous MAP were simply insignificant for the THRILLER MAP.

“Zip Tie Strangler” or simply “ZiP!” ?

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization. He gaslights Victoria into trusting him.

HERO Rookie reporter Victoria, ex-wife to Sheriff Mike, dating the Villain Bob. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Victoria’s ex-husband Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

LOGLINE: A rookie crime reporter hot on the trail of a kidnapping ring, must outwit local gangsters, her alcoholic ex-husband Sheriff, and her narcissist billionaire boyfriend to bring her daughter safely home.

OPENING

1. EXT. BAR NIGHT

A thug is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

2. EXT. CRIME SCENE DAY

Sheriff Mike is the kidnapping investigator, also investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie. Victoria shows hostility towards Mike, affection and showing affection to her new billionaire boyfriend Bob.

3. EXT. BORDER CROSSING CAGES – DAY

Thugs take children from border-crossing cages and deliver to various sites.

4. INT. VICTORIA’S HOUSE DAY

Victoria is in Mike’s and her big family home talking on the phone about the mortgage. She is cleaning a large windowless basement area sealed by a vault door. It is filled with guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines. She suggests selling items to pay mortgage. Mike says NO.

INCITING INCIDENT

5. INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking her. She calls her boyfriend Bob who supports her to blame at sheriff Mike.

6. INT. BAR NIGHT

Mayor, Sheriff Mike ‘s close friend and confident, is blackmailed to join kidnapper kingpin Bob and acknowledges that Sheriff Mike will be a problem they need to deal with.

End of ACT I – we know what the story is about

ACT II

7. INT. MIKES CAR DAY

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer making him desperate to find his daughter.

TURNING POINT one – ACT II

serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Clues connecting Sheriff Mike, ex-wife Victoria, Mike’s driver Dave, and Villain Bob’s driver Joe.

Victoria steals evidence from Bob that Bob is the kidnapper kingpin.

8. MIDPOINT (middle of Act II) lines of loyalty are drawn

9. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

10. Victoria gives Sheriff Mike evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader. She realizes Mike did not take Lucy. Who did? Victoria asks Mike for forgiveness and shows him affection.

11. INT. MAYORS OFFICE MORNING

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to Mayor whom Mike still believes is a trusted friend. Mayor has already sided with the kidnappers.

12. INT: BOB’S CAR DAY (on phone)

Bob is parked outside a warehouse unloading children into a warehouse. Bob tells her he knows she took the file, in fact he set it up for her to take as it reveals evidence that he couldn’t give up due to client confidentiality. (gaslighting) She believes him.

Bob tells Victoria that, thanks to his file getting into the proper hands, there will be a big bust on the kidnapping ring.

Bob says he has a lead on the whereabouts of Lucy.

13. INT. MIKES BEDROOM NIGHT Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is murdered by a drive-by shooting.

14. EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

15. TURNING POINT TWO -ACT II – all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

16. INT. MIKES APARTMENT – MORNING

Victoria is in bed with Mike. Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer. Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door.

Villain Bob’s driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

CLIMAX

17. EXT. VARIOUS WAREHOUSES – MORNING

18. The Mexican Ghetto gangsters are empowered powered by truckloads of weapons and show their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers with weapons they got from Victoria’s basement vault.

19. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

The tracking device leads Villain Bob to Mike at a coffee shop.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop. Both stating their intentions to kill each other. Victoria is secretly hearing on Mike’s speaker phone. Bob reveals he has Mike and Victoria’s daughter.

Villain Bob shoots Mike.

Villain Bob encounters Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

(at this point, we really don’t know who the ZiPtie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using ZiPties on the kidnapping thugs but am preferring to leave it open for after movie conversations and cocktails .)

20. RESOLUTION

21. EXT. BEACH IN EXOTIC COUNTRY – MORNING

22. Victoria and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico. They pour Mike’s ashes into the ocean.

She pulls off the Ziptie which was used to fix her purse. ZiP!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #15 Thriller Map PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO MAP#2 = THANKS

“Zip Tie Strangler” or simply “ZiP!” ?

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization. He gaslights Victoria into trusting him.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

LOGLINE: Veronica must manipulate her alcoholic ex-husband Sheriff Mike, her narcissist billionaire boyfriend, and the local gangsters to find her daughter who has disappeared and stop a kidnapping ring.

—–

OPENING

EXT. BAR NIGHT

A thug is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

EXT. CRIME SCENE DAY

Sheriff Mike is the kidnapping investigator, also investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie. Victoria shows anger towards Mike, affection to billionaire Bob.

EXT. BORDER CROSSING CAGES – DAY

Thugs take children from border-crossing cages and deliver to various sites.

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

The Villain Bob and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

INT. VICTORIA’S HOUSE DAY

Victoria is in Mike’s and her big house talking on the phone about the mortgage. She is cleaning a large windowless basement area sealed by a vault door. It is filled with guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines. She suggests selling items to pay mortgage. Mike says NO.

Bob calls Victoria. Victoria tells Bob she is losing the family house in foreclosure. Bob says, he has an idea, “trust me.” (gaslighting)

INCITING INCIDENT

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking her. She calls Bob who supports blame at sheriff Mike. (gaslighting)

INT. BAR NIGHT

The Mayor is bribed to join kidnappers saying: “what do we do with Mike?”

End of ACT I – we know what the story is about

ACT II

INT. MIKES CAR DAY

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer making him desperate to find his daughter.

TURNING POINT one – ACT II

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Clues connecting Sheriff Mike, ex-wife Victoria, Mike’s driver Dave, and Villain Bob’s driver Joe.

Victoria steals evidence of the kidnappers from Bob.

MIDPOINT (middle of Act II) lines of loyalty are drawn

INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Victoria gives Sheriff Mike evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader. She realizes Mike did not take Lucy. Who did?

INT: BOB’S CAR DAY (on phone)

Bob is parked outside a warehouse unloading children into a warehouse. Bob tells her he knows she took the file, in fact he set it up for her to take as it reveals evidence that he couldn’t give up due to client confidentiality. (gaslighting) She believes him.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE MORNING

Sheriff Mike, thinking Mayor is a trusted friend, gives him the evidence file. Mayor has already sided with the kidnappers.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Mike’s driver Deputy Dan fixes Victoria’s purse with a ziptie. ZiP! They all recognize the sound and suspect each other of involvement in serial killings.

INT. DAVES APARTMENT – NIGHT

Victoria discovers Deputy Driver dan has his own evidence of kidnappers and a few weapons in his apartment. Deputy Dan is doing private investigation. Dan is related to Victoria. Kidnappers find out Dan is on to them

Bob tells Victoria that, thanks to his file getting into the proper hands, there will be a big bust on the kidnapping ring. Bob has a lead on the whereabouts of Lucy.

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Mike tries to save Dave by sending him out of the country. Dave is killed. He tells Mike that they were being followed.

INT. MIKES CAR – DAY

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

TURNING POINT TWO -ACT II – all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

INT. MIKES APARTMENT – MORNING

Victoria is in bed with Mike. Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer. Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door.

Villain Bob’s driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

INT. MIKES OFFICE – DAY

Deputy Dan tells Mayor and Bob of Mike’s military medals; one is a sniper medal. Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

CLIMAX

EXT. VARIOUS WAREHOUSES – MORNING

The Mexican Ghetto gangsters are empowered powered by truckloads of weapons and show their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

The tracking device leads Villain Bob to Mike at a coffee shop.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop. Both stating their intentions to kill each other. Victoria is secretly hearing on Mike’s speaker phone. Bob reveals he has Mike and Victoria’s daughter.

Villain Bob shoots Mike.

Villain Bob encounters Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ZiPtie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the ZiPtie but am preferring to leave it open.)

RESOLUTION

EXT. BEACH IN EXOTIC COUNTRY – MORNING

Villain’s driver Joe, Mike’s ex-wife Victoria, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico. They pour Mike and Dave’s ashes into the ocean.

Victoria still has a zip-tie holding her purse together. They exchange startled stares. She pulls it off. ZiP!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #14 Thriller Map #1

“Zip Tie Strangler” or simply “ZiP!” ?

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

LOGLINE: Veronica must manipulate her alcoholic ex-husband Sheriff Mike, her kidnapping boyfriend, and the local gangsters to find her daughter who has disappeared.

—–

OPENING

EXT. BAR NIGHT

A thug is slashed violently in an alley. voice asks, “where are they?” The assailant wraps a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

EXT. CRIME SCENE DAY

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie. Victoria shows anger towards Mike, affection to both Mike’s driver DAVE as well as Villain Bob’s driver JOE, and Bob.

EXT. BORDER CROSSING CAGES – DAY

Thugs take children from border-crossing cages driving off in vans.

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

The Villain Bob and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

Victoria is in Mike’s and her big house talking on the phone about the mortgage. She is cleaning a large windowless basement area sealed by a vault door. It is filled with guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines. She suggests selling items to pay mortgage. Mike says NO.

INCITING INCIDENT

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking her.

INT. BAR NIGHT

The Mayor is blackmailed to join kidnapper Bob saying: “what do we do with Mike?”

End of ACT I – we know what the story is about

ACT II

INT. MIKES CAR DAY

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer making him desperate to find his daughter.

TURNING POINT one – ACT II

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Clues connecting Sheriff Mike, ex-wife Victoria, Mike’s driver Dave, and Villain Bob’s driver Joe.

Victoria steals evidence of the kidnappers from Bob.

MIDPOINT (middle of Act II) lines of loyalty are drawn

INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Victoria gives Sheriff Mike evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader. She realizes Mike did not take Lucy. Who did?

INT. MAYORS OFFICE MORNING

Sheriff Mike, thinking Mayor is a trusted friend gives him the evidence file. Mayor has already sided with the kidnappers.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Mike’s driver Deputy Dan fixes Victoria’s purse with a ziptie. Zip! They all recognize the sound and suspect each other of involvement in serial killings.

INT. DAVES APARTMENT – NIGHT

Victoria discovers Deputy Driver dan has his own evidence of kidnappers and a few weapons in his apartment. Deputy Dan is doing private investigation. Dan is related to Victoria. Kidnappers find out Dan is on to them.

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Mike tries to save Dave by sending him out of the country. Dave is killed. He tells Mike that they were being followed.

INT. MIKES CAR – DAY

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

TURNING POINT TWO -ACT II – all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

INT. MIKES APARTMENT – MORNING

Victoria is in bed with Mike. Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer. Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door.

Villain Bob’s driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

INT. MIKES OFFICE – DAY

Deputy Dan tells Mayor and Bob of Mike’s military medals; one is a sniper medal. Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

CLIMAX

EXT. VARIOUS WAREHOUSES – MORNING

The Mexican Ghetto gangsters are empowered powered by truckloads of weapons and show their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

The tracking device leads Villain Bob to Mike at a coffee shop.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop. Both stating their intentions to kill each other. Victoria is secretly hearing on Mike’s speaker phone. Bob reveals he has Mike and Victoria’s daughter.

Villain Bob shoots Mike.

Villain Bob encounters Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

RESOLUTION

EXT. BEACH IN EXOTIC COUNTRY – MORNING

Villain’s driver Joe, Mike’s ex-wife Victoria, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico. They pour Mike and Dave’s ashes into the ocean.

Victoria still has a zip-tie holding her purse together. They exchange startled stares. She pulls it off. Zip!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Those poor Red Herrings!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

13 Michael Williamsen Misdirection WIL This story has a lot of misdirection (so I think), maybe too much, that concludes at the end with some mysteries still unanswered. I will need to test this aspect out soon before I get too deep. I might need to turn some into basic false clues and expand on the most impactful misdirection. I think some of the misdirects are misdirecting me to the point I still don’t know who the real serial killer is!

Here are the biggest misdirects I may want to expand:

We see the 10 most wanted kidnappers’ posters on sheriff Mike’s office wall as Bob recognizes them. Victoria marks off the three most recent serial killings accusing Mike (red herring) he is killing off his kidnapping suspects in a serial fashion.

Kidnapper Bob supports Deputy Dan for sheriff on the news. He has Deputy Dan leak that Sheriff Mike may be the serial killer on the news with a very badly done support comment leading us to believe the opposite.

Mayor gives uplifting support for Sheriff Mike’s re-election on the news. He has already been blackmailed to join villain Bob in the kidnapping ring. This could go either way: his support for Bob may just be to get insider information on the kidnappers for Mike. Maybe Mayor is playing both sides.

Victoria acts hostile towards her ex-husband Mike until ACT II 2^nd turning point. In her last conversation with him she expresses how she really feels towards him and her dream for the future which has already been crushed.

Deputy Driver Dave fixes Victoria’s purse with a Ziptie (the murder weapon) in front of Sheriff Mike and Victoria. They all recognize the sound of the ZIP! Looking at each other hiding their own guilty face. Anyone of them could be orchestrating the Ziptie Strangler.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #12 Clue Trails WIL I really like defining clues vs. other setups. First half of Act II really needs some work, which until today didn’t even exist. Great opportunity to build in some covert clues especially mis-leading clues!

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

—–

OPENING

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

CLUE Overt

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie.

CLUE Overt – Victoria is at odds with ex Mike

Mike and Villain Bob have a nasty encounter of front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria. Victoria shows affection to both Mike’s driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver.

CLUES: Overt: Victoria has affection for villain Bob

CLUE: Covert but appears Overt: Lucy shows affection for Bob

CLUE: Covert: Mexican flag irritates Bob

We see a killing which end with kidnapping suspect with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

We see kidnappings.

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

CLUE Overt – killings are a serial killer with signature ziptie

CLUE COVERT – This is starting to look like a serial killing

We see thugs taking children from border-crossing cages.

CLUE Overt – kidnappings are escalating

The Villain Bob and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

CLUE Overt – 10 most wanted posters on wall show Mike is on his trail

CLUE Covert – they will actually face off with guns in the end

Victoria is in Mike’s and her big house talking on the phone about the mortgage. She is cleaning a large windowless basement area sealed by a vault door. It is filled with guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines. She suggests selling the guns.

CLUE: Covert: Victoria has enough guns to launch an army against the kidnappers.

INCITING INCIDENT

Mike’s daughter disappears. (turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter disappear

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking their daughter turning her against him

Cover up: Victoria blames Mike.

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

REVEAL: Mayor betrays Mike

CLUE: Overt Mayor realizes they need to get rid of Mike

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

END OF ACT I – we know what the story is about

TURNING POINT ACT II

MIDPOINT (middle of Act II)

Victoria exposes evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader is really Villain.

CLUE: Overt Victoria shows Mike evidence

REVEAL: Bob is behind the kidnapping

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to his mis-trusted friend Mayor.

REVEAL: MAYOR HAS ALREADY BETRAYED MIKE

Victoria discovers Deputy driver dan has kidnapper evidence and a few guns in his apartment. Dan says he doesn’t have enough guns and ammo.

REVEAL Deputy Dan is doing private investigation on kidnappers

CLUE Covert Dan is mounting the gangster army to wipe out kidnapping ring

CLUE Covert – Victoria now has a purpose for the guns in her house vault

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

Mike’s driver Deputy Dan fixes Victoria’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

CLUE: All now have reason to suspect the other in the serial killings

TURNING POINT 2 all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

Victoria is in bed with Mike.

CLUE Overt (but Covert in her intentions) Victoria has forgiven Mike and is back with him

CLUE: Victoria is using Mike to build army to save children

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door

CLUE: Covert – Victoria knew about the secret room and the arrest before

CLUE Covert – she took the guns, obviously some time before

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

REVEAL/OVERT CLUE (and also covert clue) Driver Joe is betraying his boss Bob’s trust but he is actually helping Mike

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal. Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

REVEAL/overt clue – Mike is alive and on a killing rampage

CLUE covert – Mike is in hiding supported by Mexican gangsters

CLIMAX

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

CLUE Covert/Overt -Joe is leading Bob to Mike. Joe knows gangsters will be waiting to kill Bob

REVEAL: Joe is working for either Bob or Mike

Coverup – he appears faithful to Bob, helps Mike escape – at Bob’s direction, he brings Mike to a different and safe place

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

REVEAL: Bob betrays himself trusting his arrogance to keep him alive

CLUE overt – Bob admits he took Lucy

CLUE overt/Covert – Mike sees thugs ready to kill him in alley-doesn’t know Joe and gangster are soon to kill thugs and Bob.

Villain Bob shoots Mike.

Villain Bob encounters Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

CLUE overt – Mayor investigates Victoria’s house to find an empty weapons vault, gets blown up. clue to where the Mexican Gangsters got weapons

REVEAL: Mayor faces his sins.

RESOLUTION

Villain’s driver, Mike’s ex-wife, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico.

CLUE overt- Victoria and Joe are related and working together all along

Ex-wife has a zip-tie holding her purse together. They exchange startled stares. She pulls it off. Zip!

REVEAL: Villain’s driver Joe and Hero Victoria may have had more to do with ending the kidnapping ring and saving the children than we thought betraying the trust we the viewers had these were the good guys!

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #11Reveals and coverups WIL coverups pile up, reveals slowly leak out then escalate to an explosive ending

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

—–

OPENING

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

REVEAL He is in the kidnapping ring that gets killed off by the serial killer

Covered up by no exposure of identity murder at scene

MIS: suspense as he is killed, intrigue as to who this killer is, mystery: why?

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie.

REVEAL: Mike is the killer? Not covered up really well as he is the Red Herring. Just no factual evidence- EVER.

Mystery: Is Mike really the killer? Intrigue: the killer is not shown. Suspense

Mike and Villain Bob have a nasty encounter of front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria. Victoria shows affection to both Mike’s driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver.

REVEAL: Bob shoots Mike

Mystery: how will this turn out? Intrigue: Bob is narcissist Suspense: Bob wants their drivers to fight

We see a killing which end with kidnapping suspect with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

We see kidnappings.

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

We see thugs taking children from border-crossing cages.

REVEAL: A kidnapping ring is being killed off by a serial killer.

Coverup: No evidence really appears – ever

Mystery: why are these thugs being killed off? Intrigue who is this killer? Suspense: a violent killing ending with a ziptie around vicitms neck

The Villain and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

REVEAL: In the final moments, they actually face off with real guns and die

Coverup: This just looks like play.

Mystery: How does this hostile relationship turn out? Intrigue: pretend guns. Suspense: They make violent gestures at each other

INCITING INCIDENT

Mike’s daughter disappears. (turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter disappear

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking their daughter turning her against him

REVEAL: Mike didn’t take her, Bob did

Cover up: Victoria blames Mike.

Mystery: who took Lucy?

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

REVEAL: Mayor betrays Mike

COVER UP: Mayor pretends to be Mike’s loyal friend

Mystery: Will Mike find out Mayor will betray him? Intrigue: Mayor’s claiming to be Mike’s loyal friend. Suspense: Will Mayor betray Mike, when, where, how?

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

MIDPOINT – NO TURNING BACK

Victoria exposes evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader is really Villain.

REVEAL: Mike doesn’t have Lucy

Mystery: who does? Will Mike live long enough to save her? Will Mike and Victoria reunite?

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to his mis-trusted friend Mayor.

REVEAL: MAYOR HAS ALREADY BETRAYED MIKE

Mystery: How will this betrayal affect Mike’s future? Intrigue: How long can Mayor keep the secret? Suspense: Mayor is lying to Mike’s face.

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

Mike’s driver fixes the ex-wife’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

REVEAL: Mike, driver Dave, or Victoria – who is the ziptie strangler?

Mystery:– who dunnit? Intrigue: how is this happening Suspense: they all suspect each other

Mike’s driver Deputy Dave is killed as Mike was trying to send him to safety.

REVEAL: Dave was killed by kidnappers

Coverup: he was killed in a bathroom.

Mystery: was Dave the killer?

TURNING POINT 2 – ALL IS LOST FOR THE HERO

Victoria is in bed with Mike.

REVEAL: Victoria is using Mike to build army to save children

CoverUp: She sleeps with him.

Mystery: How will Victoria use all the weapons?

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

REVEAL: Victoria knew about the arrest and the weapons; Mayor betrayed Mike;

Cover up: she is sleeping with Mike. Mayor lied to Mike, didn’t turn in evidence.

REVEAL Driver Joe is betraying his boss Bob’s trust

Coverup: he has been loyal to Bob all along

Mystery: How far will Joe betray Bob? Intrigue: Joe has been quiet the whole time. Suspense: Joe takes Bob to where Mike is

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal.

Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

REVEAL – Mike is alive and on a killing rampage

COVER UP: Mike has been sequestered in a ghetto hotel

Mystery: What is Mike up to? Intrigue: Mike is now using his sniper rifle Suspense: Deputy Dan gets shot in the head

CLIMAX

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

REVEAL: Joe is working for either Bob or Mike

Coverup – he appears faithful to Bob, helps Mike escape – at Bob’s direction, he brings Mike to a different and safe place

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

REVEAL: Bob betrays himself trusting his arrogance to keep him alive

Cover Up: he says he hates guns all along.

Mystery: How will this end? Intrigue: Bob and Mike clash with wits Suspense: Mike and Bob pull guns

Villain shoots Mike.

Villain encounters some Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

Mayor gets blown up.

REVEAL: Mayor faces his sins.

RESOLUTION

Villain’s driver, Mike’s ex-wife, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico.

Ex-wife has a zip-tie holding her purse together. She pulls it off. Zip!

REVEAL: Villain’s driver Joe and Hero Victoria may have had more to do with ending the kidnapping ring and saving the children than we thought betraying the trust we the viewers had these were the good guys!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen TRUST #10 WIL: I am focusing on the new hero Victoria as she is the innocent hero who trusts and is trustworthy but must betray her trust to others secretly.

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic in reelection for sheriff

—–

OPENING

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

INCITING INCEDENT (page 10)

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie.

Mike and Villain Bob have a nasty encounter of front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria. Victoria shows affection to both Mike’s driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver.

Victoria shows distrust to Sheriff Mike when she should

Victoria shows trust to Bob when she shouldn’t

We see a killing which end with kidnapping suspect with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

We see kidnappings.

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

We see thugs taking children from border-crossing cages.

The Villain and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

INCITING INCIDENT

Mike’s daughter disappears. (turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter disappear

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking their daughter turning her against him

Victoria shows distrust to Sheriff Mike when she should

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

Victoria shows trust to Sheriff Mike – finally

MIDPOINT

Victoria exposes evidence the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader is really Villain.

Victoria shows trust to Sheriff Mike

Victoria shows distrust to Bob – finally

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to his mis-trusted friend Mayor.

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

Mike’s driver fixes the ex-wife’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

Trust between Mike, Victoria, and Dave is challenged in every direction

TWIST we suspect all three may have something to do with serial killing

Mike’s driver Deputy Dave is killed as Mike was trying to send him to safety.

TURNING POINT 2

Victoria is in bed with Mike.

Victoria shows trust to Mike – too late

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Mike’s trust to Mayor betrays him

Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door

Mike feels betrayed by Victoria as she obviously knew more than he knew.

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

Driver Joe is betraying his boss Bob’s trust

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal.

Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

Bob, Dan, Mayor betrayed themselves trusting Mike would disappear

CLIMAX

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

Driver Joe is betraying his boss Bob’s trust

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

Bob betrays himself trusting his arrogance to keep him alive

Villain shoots Mike.

Villain encounters some Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

Mayor gets blown up.

TWIST – not really but a nice payoff

RESOLUTION

Villain’s driver, Mike’s ex-wife, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico.

Ex-wife has a zip-tie holding her purse together. She pulls it off. Zip!

Villain’s driver Joe and Hero Victoria may have had more to do with ending the kidnapping ring and saving the children than we thought betraying the trust we the viewers had these were the good guys!

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Thriller Plot #8 WIL: This story needs a BIGGER INCITING INCEDENT – move the opening scene of Midpoint 1 to the inciting incident (page 10 of traditional 3 act play) or end of ACT II (page 30 in 3 act play format)

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic in reelection for sheriff

—–

OPENING

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

INCITING INCEDENT (page 10)

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie.

Mike and Villain Bob have a nasty encounter of front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria. Victoria shows affection to both Mike’s driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver. Victoria goes off in Villain’s car.

We see a killing which end with kidnapping suspect with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

We see kidnappings.

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

We see thugs taking children from border-crossing cages.

The Villain and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

TURNING POINT 1

Mike’s daughter disappears. (turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking their daughter

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

MIDPOINT

Victoria exposes evidence the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader is really Villain.

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to his mis-trusted friend Mayor.

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

Mike’s driver fixes the ex-wife’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

Mike’s driver Deputy Dave is killed as Mike was trying to send him to safety.

TURNING POINT 2

Victoria is in bed with Mike.

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal.

Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

CLIMAX

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

Villain shoots Mike.

Villain encounters some Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

Mayor gets blown up.

RESOLUTION

Villain’s driver, Mike’s ex-wife, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico.

Ex-wife has a zip-tie holding her purse together. She pulls it off. Zip!

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen’s Threatening Sequence 7: WIL: I want the mystery of who the serial killer kept secret even at the end. The obvious suspect is the kidnapping investigator Sheriff Mike who has a reputation of killing suspects (need to build this more) The Villain could be the serial killer killing off competition (build this more.) The Hero, Mike’s exwife Victoria, really needs a lot more coverups that she could be orchestrating the Mexican Gang to do the serial killings to stop the kidnappings and save their children

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

DANGERS TO HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife

Mike and Villain have a nasty encounter if front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria.

Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the killing with the Ziptie.

Victoria goes off in Villain’s car.

Victoria is at the crime scene of another killing of a kidnapper suspect with the Ziptie.

Victoria shows affection to both Mikes driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver.

Victoria’s daughter disappears.

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking her

She finds and takes evidence her boyfriend Villain Bob is the kidnapper

She presents evidence to Sheriff Mike.

She is in bed with Mike and escapes just before Mike is arrested.

She escapes through Mike’s escape door before he tells her about it

[ need some more story here -drop coverup she may be involved with serial killings]

Mayor gets blown up in front of Victoria’s house

DANGERS TO RED HERRING Sheriff Mike

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings

Mike’s wife is dating the Villain.

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

He finds a kidnapper suspect killed with a ziptie.

We see a killing which end with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

The Villain and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office

Mike’s daughter disappears.

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

Mike’s ex-wife exposes evidence the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

Mike’s driver fixes the ex-wife’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

Mike’s driver Deputy Dave is killed as Mike was trying to send him to safety.

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal.

Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

Villain shoots Mike.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Mystery Sequence WIL: my story sucks and has big holes needing to be fixed! Challenge accepted. This process has already created ideas not yet in the story.

HERO – Victoria – rookie crime reporter, ex-wife of Sheriff Mike, and being courted by Attorney Bob – need more coverup for Victoria being the brains behind the rescue of the kidnapped children

Villain – Bob – attorney running the kidnapping ring

Red Herring (former hero) – Sheriff Mike – dying of prostate cancer, know to kill suspects

Ziptie strangler – the big mystery person

——-

Mystery #1) Is Sheriff Mike the Ziptie Strangler

Sheriff Mike investigates a Ziptie strangling scene

Deputy Dan is suspicious of Mike

Mikes’s daughter disappears – apparently kidnapped

Deputy Dan insinuates Mike is killing off kidnapping suspects

Mike is arrested as strangler torturing and killing off kidnapping suspects

Deputy Dan surprises ziptie strangler in alley – appears to know strangler

Bob accuses Mike of being the strangler – Mike doesn’t deny

Bob shoots Mike for killing so many of his thugs

Mystery #2) Who is the kidnapper ringleader?

Mike is accused of being the kidnapper and killing off his competition

Someone suggests Mike of being the kidnappers as being the reason his daughter disappeared when Mike took her

· Need more on this

Mystery #3) will Sheriff Mike reunite with his ex-wife, crime reporter Victoria?

Victoria rejects his attempts at being nice

He is hurt his daughter Lucy and ex-wife Victoria are with another man

Victoria accuses Mike of taking Lucy

Someone suggests to Victoria Mike of being the kidnappers as being the reason his daughter disappeared when Mike took her

Victoria discovers Mike has prostate cancer and no reason to take Lucy

SWAT team raids Mike’s apartment

Mike is arrested – Victoria escapes

Victoria loses her house in foreclosure

Mystery #4) Where is Lucy, Mike and Victoria’s daughter Lucy and who and why?

Lucy disappears

Victoria accuses Mike of taking Lucy – she has disappeared

Victoria threatens Mike with retaliation from Bob

n Why no more mystery on Lucy??? Must ad more

Mystery #5 – what is with all this Mexican flags everywhere?

Mexican flag appears on Mike’s car

Mexican flag appears on Bob’s car

Mexican ghetto is being targeted by kidnappers

Mike’s driver Dave and Bob’s driver Joe seem to know each other

Joe drives Mike, upon his escape, to Mexican Ghetto motel. The parking lot is filled with residents hold Mexican Flags of all sizes.

Bob asks Mike – what the hell is with all these Mexican flags. Mike informs him Cinco de Mayo. Bob asks, when is that? Mike replies today: the first day of the Mexican revolution.

Mexican flags are on many vans as ghetto vans are filled with gangsters.

Vans with flags assault warehouses killing all thugs and rescuing children.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Thriller class #5

WIL – it is a nice exercise to write out the series to make sure the MIS intensifies at each step

If it was Beth’s plan to set up Catherine, why would she do this even before Nick had even met Catherine? And if she killed AI guy Nielsen, why would she make it look like Nick did it when she really wanted Nick back into her life?

What is the end goal?
To become the biggest human/sex trafficking ring.<div>

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

He has border guards bring him migrant children stuck in the border cages

He has his thugs steal school buses filled with children.

He blackmails the mayor to gain control over city government.

He needs to stop Sheriff Mike from killing off his thugs

He needs to manipulate Victoria, Mike’s ex-wife by kidnapping her daughter and making her believe he is the only one who can find her.

How can they cover it up?

A secret condo to conduct business

Make Sheriff Mike look like an idiot

Blackmails the mayor

Kill the police chief

Set up Sheriff Mike as the kidnapper killing off competition as a serial killer

Buy Victoria’s house at the foreclosure sale to control her

Steal school buses with children while everyone is at the police chief’s funeral

Kill Sheriff Mike

Return Victoria’s daughter as the hero

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

Villain Bob attorney/kidnapper makes it obvious he is dating Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife – rubbing in Mike’s face and acting cozy with Mike’s young daughter

Bob blackmails the Mayor to support his kidnapping ring

As a distraction, Bob has the police chief killed. While everyone is at the police chief’s funeral, Bob’s thugs kidnap 2 bus loads of children

Mike gets info that Bob is the kidnapping ring kingpin

Mike gives evidence to Mayor not knowing Mayor is in Bob’s pocket

Mayor holds off reporting evidence, until…

Swat team arrests Mike as the kidnapper and serial killer

Bob lets Mike escape so he can have him killed

Bob’s driver brings Bob to kill Mike at the coffee shop Mike is going to

Bob and Mike square off trading off secrets thinking they will kill the other

</div> </div>

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

I learned a lot from the rest of your comments!!

It seemed even the minor characters had MIS.

First, I think Catherine is the killer, and in the end she killed Nick. No other reason for the pick under the bed. She was no longer setting up Beth (mission accomplished) but setting up her new story. I found all actors over-acted, were smartasses, arrogant, and had little emotional connections with any of them. Tons of action and suspense but I had no feeling of upset or happiness. I thought the action was too intense and unwarrented for in some situations – just played up to wow the audience. I would rather see it played out in subtext. I was actually rooting for Catherine to kill him!! I like the newer stories like Unhinged where we don’t like the hero but have some empathy for the villain-even when he becomes a ruthless killer, and Joker where we have a ton of empathy for the villain and I don’t think there was even any hero.

I got a little confused at the difference between Mystery and Intrigue. Is mystery more the BIG picture and intrigue the little things that keep us just a bit curious to keep watching?

Living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I get thrown off and irritated by movies that mis-represent the actual physical locations. This movie bounced around from San Francisco to “Stinson” which we call Stinson Beach, Monterey Peninsula, Mill Valley, going the wrong way on the Golden Gate Bridge etc. They could have handed the script to anyone standing on a street corner to catch that.

It seemed there was even more stacking suspense in each scene than in the chart. It also seemed the scenes sort of merged into a group related by a common MIS.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen class 3 STORY WORLD/CHARACTERS – WIL: I like having a clear understanding of the most important traits of the world and characters

LOGLINE: Victoria’s daughter disappears into a city filled with kidnapping and human trafficing. Her ex-husband is the sheriff is killing the suspects and she discovers her new boyfriend is the kidnapper. To save her daughter who has disappeared, Kimmy must manipulate her ex-husband Sheriff and kidnapping boyfriend to their own destruction. – TOO LONG – NEEDS SURGICAL EDITING – ANY IDEAS??

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: Where is Lucy?

Big Intrigue: Kidnappings of border crossing and school children, serial killing of kidnapping suspects, Who is good and who is evil?

Big Suspense: Will Victoria survive all her betrayals and save her daughter?

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.

A large border-town city corrupt with border-crossings, kidnapping, and sex slave traders. Our characters are not immune to temptation.

RED HERRING: Sheriff Mike

A. What is the mystery of this character? – his kidnapper suspects are being killed by a serial killer – the evidence points to Mike – is he?

B. What is the suspense of this character? He is the sheriff who goes outside of the law into dark places.

C. What is the intrigue of this character? He has a history of killing. His daughter has disappeared. His exwife thinks he took her. He is dying of cancer. What more can go wrong? If you can think of something please share!

——-

ANTAGONIST: Attorney Bob:

A. What is the mystery of this character – ? He is obviously involved with crime – how deep does he really go?

B. What is the suspense of this character? Narcisstic psyco who spares nothing to win.

C. What is the intrigue of this character? He appears charming – obviously hiding his evil side. He is dating our silent hero – Mike’s ex-wife Victoria – true love or manipulation?

———

Hero/Love interest – Victoria

A. What is the mystery of this character – ? Her daughter has disappeared while there is a rash of kidnappings.

B. What is the suspense of this character? She must manipulate her ex-husband Sheriff Mike and attorney Bob to save her daughter.

C. What is the intrigue of this character? She is everyone’s sweetheart. Can she reject her kindness to conquer evils to save her daughter and survive?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria must come
out secretly of her mild-mannered, every-one’s sweetheart image to use her
charm, cunning, and treachery to manipulate her ex-husband Sheriff, new boyfriend attorney kidnapper, a
serial killer, and the violent gangsters in her community. <div>

Dangerous Villain:
Attorney Bob. Narcissist/psychopath and mastermind of the kidnapping ring.

Hero/Villain:
Ex-husband Sheriff Mike. Known for shooting suspects, alcoholic, dying of
cancer tries to save his daughter by force: destroying the kidnapping ring
by gaining information as a serial killer of ring members.

High stakes:
life of her daughter, her own life, and lives of her community

Life and death situations: Kidnappings are Victoria and Mike’s daughter
disappears as. Victoria betrays psychopath Bob. All main characters but
Victoria are killed by the end.

This story is thrilling because? Filled with deception, corruption, manipulation,
betrayal between colleagues, and murder.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery:
What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout
the story? Where is Lucy? </div>

Big Intrigue:
Kidnappings of border crossing and school children, serial killing of
kidnapping suspects, Who is good and who is evil?

B<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ig Suspense:
Will Victoria survive all her betrayal and save her daughter?

[Michael Williamsen]

WIL: keep escalating

Unhinged – starring Russel Crowe as the villain.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A trodden down single mother is forced to rise up against all odds.

Dangerous Villain: Attorney Bob. Narcissist/psychopath
and mastermind of the kidnapping ring.

Hero/Villain: Ex-husband, ruthless killer goes over the edge with road rage

High stakes: hero’s friends are murdered, then family, then he goes after hero’s son.

This story is thrilling because?

Big Mystery: Will the villain ever stop his road rage?<div>

Intrigue: cat and mouse movie – how does he keep finding her?

Big Suspense: villain escalates his killing every time and then goes after her son,

</div> </div>

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hello classmates! I am humbled looking at the experience in this class!!

I am just finishing the ProSeries 78 class in which I have mostly composed a crime thriller”Zip!” It seems to change every class!!

Previously I have written 2 other complete scripts including one which I turned into a Novel “We Played Baseball.” I also wrote a biography on a Chicago Cubs Pitcher (Playing Catch with Destiny” and a real estate book which went to#10 on Amazon “Your Home in DIVORCE.” I have also written many real estate magazine articles, one won an award from Realtor.com – my guess is they didn’t even read because I exposed them as corrupt!!

My ambition in this course is to take the concept of the ProSeries course and spin it into an “edge of your seat” experience.

I am really looking forward to watching you all develop your stories.

[Michael Williamsen]

I argue back and forth with this. We share some solid frustration with this program. I have taken some 20 classes and some can get complicated with the basic functions. On the other hand, I always learn a ton from each lesson. I take the view that coping with frustration and rejection is just part of the industry.

[Michael Williamsen]

Ed, great question. The story before this class was Sheriff Mike was the hero trying to uncover the serial killings of his kidnapping suspects, Billionaire Bob Boyfriend of Victoria who turns out to be the attorney of the kidnapping ring. Victoria is caught in the middle with a missing daughter.

The new version will have leave us with the revelation Victoria manipulated both Mike and Bob enlisting the Mexican mob to recover the kidnapped children, her daughter, and stay alive.

Another layer of the story is there is a human trafficking ring which is supplying victims to Bob. Mike’s best and most trusted friend Mayor (the city mayor) is actually connected with the trafficking ring (with clues and setups all along) which we discover in the last scene for the profound message. I have two authorities on human trafficking for back story etc.

I started this script in the Pro78 course, Profound Script, Character Development, Dialog… last year so I have an unruly amount of possibilities echoing in the empty chambers of my skull.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

I grew up the son of a Lutheran Minister. I’m not so sure joining the “clothe” is the path to peace and forgiveness.🤣

[Michael Williamsen]

Scene #7 2nd version is much more vivid. Also longer. Very different from the first version. I would be concerned how the new version fits in the story with the dreams – do the dreams have any relevance in the story such as a clue, revelation, setup etc.

#24 new version had me on the edge of my seat! Very visual. I might change that he pulls out packages of processed meat throwing them to the floor choking in disgust until he finds a bloody-almost still beating steak. Is there any other mention of cockroaches?

#39 2nd edition really has some visual going! Lots of unexpected action. VERY good scene!!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Randall, I’ve had the same obsession with raising my hand. If you put your question in your What I Have Learned – I will ponder it as well.

[Michael Williamsen]

That old conflict between science and faith. Tho, I suppose if you have an absolute faith, you must believe there is a absolute science. I have long argued with scientists their science has been historically based on faith, and continues and science evolves.

[Michael Williamsen]

Im guessing you are copy and pasting out of a screenwriting program. You might try coping it all to a Word file and copy from that to post. Just a hunch…

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Randall. It looks like you are copying and pasting right out of your screenplay software. I was just getting ready to do the same thing. So far in this course I have been using MS Word which seems to work ok. I am using Movie Magic Screenwriter and not sure how that will translate. What are you using?

[Michael Williamsen]

This message ?:

~w0w~ Randall. A lot going on here!!! I am 100% Norwegian 2nd generation. Watched all the Viking shows on Netflix. I think there may be too much for me to absorb the essence of the story in this synapse, especially when the crisis introduces several characters not yet in the story. I can see you have a real thriller coming out!! I can’t wait to read more and see it on the big screen!! What genre are you going for?

[Michael Williamsen]

Yes Brian, I will partner help you in any way I can!

[Michael Williamsen]

Just thinking that coming with a fresh concept not so developed is actually a great way to start this class. This is some serious structure!!

[Michael Williamsen]

Brian. I think you are in an excellent class to start. This will give you a lot of tools. Then when you trouble shoot later you will find this school has lots of courses on specific topics of which I plan to revisit once this course is over. Try to get in on the free Friday courses.

[Michael Williamsen]

Learning structure is why I started taking ScreenwritingU courses in 2021! Still learning more. I sent you a message on your profile. It definitely makes it easier to see the major turning points in a clear list. Looking forward to watching you develop your story.

[Michael Williamsen]

~w0w~ Randall. A lot going on here!!! I am 100% Norwegian 2nd generation. Watched all the Viking shows on Netflix. I think there may be too much for me to absorb the essence of the story in this synapse, especially when the crisis introduces several characters not yet in the story. I can see you have a real thriller coming out!! I can’t wait to read more and see it on the big screen!! What genre are you going for?

[Michael Williamsen]

Stephanie. You are my new BEST FRIEND!! I would love some references for back story, maybe include you as co-writer. I started this story with just the kidnapping with losing the heroine and her ex-husbands daughter. Then I decided to make the billionaire boyfriend be even worse by being involved with sex-slave market. Then, I saw a documentary where traffickers offer take kids from South America to find a better life with jobs and education. Just a mortgage on the parents’ property as security. They basically put the kids in a slave camp and foreclosed on the parent’s property. This latest version has our bad guy trying to get the heroine’s exhusband/sheriff to get rid of competitive traffickers so he can take over and merge all three human trafficking businesses into a giant organization which he controls. The profound truth at the end is, after revealing all the trafficking, the heroine gets her daughter back, but the boyfriend not only succeeds in gaining control but announces his canadicy for district attorney or state legislature. PROUND TRUTH Govt is corrupt and will never be stopped.

[Michael Williamsen]

Yes Wayne. I type the homework into MS Word, then copy and paste onto the forum. I have lost internet connection or some glitch too many times to want to do it over. But, I do find when I have to do it over, it comes out better. Hmmm

[Michael Williamsen]

I will be curious as to why a rival family member would give a rival their estate.

[Michael Williamsen]

I am curious how you will fit entitlement into all the other character traits! Sounds like some of the girls I dated.

[Michael Williamsen]

Great concept Wayne!! What genre are you going for?

[Michael Williamsen]

I really want to watch your movie. My dad, a Lutheran Minister, wrote a book on forgiveness. The hardest chapter for me to digest and apply was the chapter on self-forgiveness.

[Michael Williamsen]

.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Michael Williamsen. Reason: wrong message

[Michael Williamsen]

Excellent observation James.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Ron. I live just north of San Francisco in San Rafael. I have been to El Toritos many times

[Michael Williamsen]

H Ron. My initial thought for writing scripts was using the structure for creating novels. These classes are bolstering my confidence in screenplay writing but still think I can publish a novel and I see more movies based on novels than original screeplays.

[Michael Williamsen]

I like how to give respect to the set, wardrobe, and world in the mis-match of these two characters.

Too bad, we citizens can’t seem to overcome our country’s differences to meet our challenges as well as these two need to do.

[Michael Williamsen]

Joseph, I really liked your statement: “Every dialogue exchange rubs the other the wrong way, but they remain interdependent.”

And as they seem to feel more drawn apart, we the audience see the necessity for their relationship grow.

[Michael Williamsen]

Great analysis Elizabeth. This was a good choice for worthy opponents as we all know some of the backstory.

[Michael Williamsen]

I really look forward to reading your final story!!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Jeff. I started reading your thriller map! great start. Would you exchange my feedback on your #1 map for feedback on my #2?

mikewilliamsen@gmail.com

[Michael Williamsen]

email – I converted yours to a word file and give typed feedback via email.

mikewilliamsen@gmail.com

You can copy my map from above posted as #2 map (post #24). Or, I can email it to you in a word or pdf doc

I’m looking forward to a good read of your story!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

just emailed you my markup

[Michael Williamsen]

Brilliant Kimberly! I am printing out your comments and will address them. Making a tight map seems like building a skeleton before as I most often do; start polishing the fingernails of characters. What I really like about this class is doing the MAP first.

[Michael Williamsen]

Kimberly’s Thriller Map Version 1 REVIEWED

Title: Bluejacket

Logline: When a Navy SEAL who lives alone on a sailboat is taken hostage by a couple she rescues at sea, she must fight back to survive.

I might include some inner conflict like PTSD or a loss of a mate..

1 EXT – SAILBOAT/HARBOR – DAY

Lacia stands at the edge of her boat, a lumpy duffle on her shoulder. She looks up the harbor road toward her destination. She looks at feet, willing them to move. She closes her eyes, shakes her head. She looks at her watch in her inner wrist. Measures her breath. Steps on the dock.

I like the sense of apprehension of her going onto land

2 INT – GENERAL STORE – DAY

Pat owns the local grocery/USPS/library/hardware store.

Love this description of a small-town all-in-one store!

Behind the register are FBI Wanted posters of a young bearded guy and a grizzled old man.

INTRIGUE Should we know what he is wanted for?

Lacia never talks or gives any indication that she hears Pat. Lacia returns library books and checks out new ones. She gets her mail, signs over her disability check and picks up groceries while

INTRIGUE ON WHO IS LACIA

Pat deals with local trio of delinquents.

If Lacia is SEAL TEAM, wouldn’t she be compelled to help Pat? Maybe have her chase them away. Maybe a good spot to introduce intrigue on how the girl can kick three delinquents asses.

3 EXT – HARBOR TOWN – DAY

Returning to her boat, Lacia is intercepted by the trio who attack her. She fights them off then grabs her stuff and scurries to her boat.

Since she is SEAL TEAM, it would make more sense for them to bushwhack her by surprise. Then she just destroys them to show her far superior skills.

4 INT/EXT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Lacia reaches the safety of her cabin. She drops her things and removes ear plugs.

Why is she wearing earplugs? Is this why she wasn’t listening to Pat? Is this MIS?

She looks up the road at the trio licking their wounds as she unties the boat and leaves harbor.

Is there any mystery attached to why she is leaving?

5 EXT – SAILBOAT/OCEAN – DAY/NIGHT

At sea, Lacia’s days are routine and she is visibly more relaxed. She fishes, manages the boat, sleeps but never gets in the water.

This is mystery of why she is alone on the sea, intrigue as why a SEAL TEAM would be reluctant to go in the water. And suspense as to what will happen to her in the water -WELL DONE!!!

One afternoon, she falls asleep while fishing. She wakes up to see her pole flying into the ocean as a big something gets away. She gets her spear and stands on the edge of the boat, unable to take the leap. She looks at her watch. Measures her breath. Steps into the water.

Good SUSPENSE

She catches a fish and returns to the surface. Looks around for her boat, a good distance away. She then notices a fog rolling in quickly. She flies through the water to reach her boat before it disappears.

MORE SUSPENSE

Once onboard, she hears a noise in the cabin. She leaves the fish and takes the spear.

MORE SUSPENSE

6 INT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Lacia enters the cabin and points the spear at Rian who is devouring her food and water.

SUSPENSE and INTRIGUE AS TO WHO RIAN IS

Rian sets down the provisions and slowly raises his hands and shows he is unarmed and no threat.

MORE INTRIGUE AS TO RIAN

He tells her he swam from a boat that is adrift and asks for help. She warily agrees. He cooks her catch and she leaves him to sleep outside while she is protected in the cabin.

7 EXT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Fog has lifted and they go to his boat where he left his friend, Emma, who couldn’t swim the distance.

INTRIGUE FOR EMMA

8 EXT – CRUISER – DAY

Lacia meets Emma and goes below to see if she can repair the engine.

While they are alone, Rian tells Emma that Lacia is dangerous and is worried if Emma will be safe.

DOES EMMA KNOW THAT RIAN IS A KILLER?

WHY WOULD RIAN THINK THIS?

Emma suggests they leave her some food/water and escape on her sailboat. Rian reluctantly agrees after Emma says they will send help once they reach land.

WHY WOULD RIAN BE RELUCTANT TO LEAVE LACIA WHEN HE ALREADY THINKS SHE IS DANGEROUS? MAYBE HAVE RIAN GASLIGHTING EMMA TO LEAVE LACIA – TO SET HER UP AS AFRAID OF LUCIA SO IT MAKES SENSE TO BASH HER IN #9

When Lacia returns to the deck, she sees her boat moving away. With a brief hesitation, she jumps in the water and swims for her boat.

AGAIN – INTRIGUE AS TO WHY LACIAL IS AFRAID OF THE WATER

9 EXT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Lacia climbs aboard and wrestles Rian. Emma bashes her on the head and she is out cold.

MAYBE SET UP EMMA BEFORE AS BEING KIND TO LACIA, RIAN GASLIGHTS HER INTO BECOMING AFRAID OF LACIA TO THE POINT OF BASHIN LACIA.

10 INT – SAILBOAT – NIGHT

Lacia wakes up to discover she is tied up and the radio has been disabled. Rian joins her and tells her that Emma was scared of her and told him to tie her up. They don’t know how to sail and will untie her if she takes them to land. Lacia agrees. Emma enters and holds the spear at her as Rian unties her. Lacia recoils when he gets near but steadies as he unties her.

The three eat a tense meal with Rian playing the charmer to lighten the mood. He fails.

THIS SETS UP SOME NICE SUSPENCE!

11 EXT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Emma constantly keeps a weapon in her hand.

With food supplies dwindling, Lacia is going to spear fish and demands Rian is going with her to ensure she isn’t left behind. Rian notices her routine before going into the water. They successfully return to the boat with Rian singing her praises.

THIS IS A GOOD TURNING POINT AND SHIFT IN RIAN’S PERSPECTIVE OF LACIA – GREAT INTRIGUE AS TO HOW EMMA WILL RESPOND

Eaten with jealousy, Emma says she wants to dive too. Lacia secures her with a safety line and leaves Rian to keep an eye on her as she goes below.

I CAN SEE SOME DRAMA ATTACHED TO THE SAFETY LINE – PULLS HER UNDER THE BOAT OR SOMETHING

Rian cleans the fish and throws the guts overboard as he did during the fog but this time it attracts sharks. Lacia returns to deck to see a fin and quickly yanks Emma back onboard. Emma is humiliated. Lacia notices the fish blood trail as Rian consoles Emma.

BIG SUSPENSE!!

12 EXT – SAILBOAT – DAY

Lacia adjusts the sails to head for land. Rian volunteers to help and accidentally smashes Lacia’s arm and breaks her watch. Rian renders first aide but Lacia’s arm is badly injured. She won’t be able to manage the sails alone. He lets it slip that Emma disabled the radio.

MORE TENSION

13 EXT – SAILBOAT – NIGHT

After dinner, Rian sings a song that triggers Lacia. Then he accidentally detaches the sea anchor. With her injury, Lacia is unable to dive in to retrieve it.

SHE CUTS THE SEA ANCHOR LOOSE?

Rian starts hoarding food.

14 EXT/INT – SAILBOAT – DAY (MULTIPLE DAYS)

Lacia must teach the couple to sail the boat. However, to remain essential, she disables the GPS and hides the navigation charts and tools.

Rian continually gets too close to and making physical contact with Lacia, triggering her PTSD. Emma sees Lacia’s reactions as a sign she is unpredictable and dangerous.

HERE IS SOME GREAT MIS!!

Water is running low.

Rian tells Emma that Lacia has been coming on to him during their lessons.

Emma gets sick after finding and eating Rian’s hoarded food that was spoiled.

DOES SHE FEEL LIKE SOMEONE POISONED HER?

Rian sees a small Coast Guard boat on the horizon and drugs Lacia. Emma is still out of it from the food poisoning.

Rian greets the Coast Guard crew. When he won’t let them go below, they become suspicious. One recognizes him as an FBI Wanted man. He kills them. He then sinks their boat. Lacia sees this through a drug haze that seems too like a dream to be real.

BIG SUSPENSE!

Rian checks in on the women to nurse them as they are once again alone. He finds the nav charts and sees their current location.

Would he take supplies from the CG boat? Maybe a gun??

From his extensive time on her ship without a razor, Rian has started growing a beard. As her senses return, Lacia recognizes him from the Wanted poster at Pat’s store. He realizes she knows who he is. Lacia sends the awakened Emma to the deck to check the sails.

Once alone, they fight. The boat rocks wildly. Lacia realizes the rocking is from a storm. He knocks out Lacia and runs above to deal with Emma.

He finds her. They scuffle and he throws her overboard. But she is attached to the boat by a safety line. He tries to release it and is attacked by Lacia. She breaks free of him and struggles to pull Emma back onboard. Rian grabs Lacia and Emma is dangling from the side. She pulls herself up as Rian and Lacia fight. Emma joins the attack and together they defeat Rian.

~w0w~

They secure him to the mast and Lacia does her best to secure the deck. They go below to wait out the storm.

Next morning, the deck is laid waste. Rian is gone. They are dead in the water.

A Coast Guard ship arrives, looking for their missing boat. Lacia tells them what she saw. The CG tows her boat back to land.

Emma makes friends with the crew while Lacia stays aboard her boat.

NICE ENDING!

I could see a return appearance of Rian – the CG boat picked him up already….

[Michael Williamsen]

I would be honored to exchange reviews. I usually don’t write female characters. I am planning on having the narcissist villain use gaslighting on the female hero and have her turn it against him to manipulate him!! I will cut and paste your map into a word file and post it under your post.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Kathy. I would like to review your script for you. We both have female hero’ who have to rise up to save their homes against all odds.

[Michael Williamsen]

Those poor Red Herrings! We beat them up, drag them down. It’s amazing they survive their roles! I actually quit coaching girls basketball in fear of being incidentally appearing as inappropriate behavior. I really felt I was building a lot of self-esteem in these girls. I just couldn’t take the risk.

[Michael Williamsen]

Roscoe. I had the same thought about over-misdirecting. Hal makes is quite clear to keep this limited. I have so many misdirects I am misdirected myself into not know who is on who’s side and who is really doing what.

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah Kathryn. I love setting up clues and am familiar how they work. What I got from this lesson was the simple process of writing down by hand the reveal, then writing down in order the clues to see if together to get the big “ah-ha – I should have guessed that moment at the end.” Turns out after this process – there are many places where I am clueless!!

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah Roscoe! I too am getting a BIG CLUE about clues!

just a thought: the below might be both an overt clue and covert clue.

OVERT CLUE: Jack tells Stephen and partner that there is supposed to be a family meeting. It’s about Gabby’s mother who was killed.

[Michael Williamsen]

Love your explanation of ring trails for clues Larry!!!! THANKS!

[Michael Williamsen]

Great idea Emmanuel. Give away some reveals which are actually coverups for a bigger reveal.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Roscoe! Being left-handed I do things backwards. I am starting with the reveals then creating coverups to mislead the reader.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Melanie! I am dreaming in coverups and reveals lately. I actually see them in your comment:

coverup: “I was getting the hang of things.”

reveal: “I don’t know much about reveals.”

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah Kathryn. My challenge is to show just enough coverup to get MIS without giving up the reveal; which have to be mind-bending and twisted!!

[Michael Williamsen]

James. This was a BIG lesson for me. I am putting a whole new hero into my story. Before it was just a minor character. Replacing the hero seemed it would be like inserting a spine into a body. But I knew how the character ended the story; the big reveal. Then I just fine tuned some scenes as coverups to the secret ending. I then defined some more smaller reveals. I actually hand wrote the reveals then hand wrote various possibilities for coverups. Amazingly efficient!

[Michael Williamsen]

Pretty scarey story Leona. Is Tuvelle’s motive just to scare McKenzie? Was this a joke gone very bad? I can see it being very suspenseful.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Wayne. That is quite the premise to leave a lot to talk about after the movie! LOVE IT!

[Michael Williamsen]

Very suspenseful. I was on the edge of my seat from the inciting incident on. Who would ever suspect the shrink as the killer!! But there it is in act 2

[Michael Williamsen]

Larry you have a lot of MIS and a lot of suspense in the end to keep people on the edge of their seat. I always love chatting over drinks after movies with the mysteries that slipped by me, or unsolved. Drives my friends nuts!!

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Larry and James. I was just getting ready to address the change of ownership issues – Larry, you beat me to it! I’m trying to think of a more underhanded way to do it. Maybe LLC, show title with seller financing, then sign full reconveyance later. But everything I can think of leaves a freeway of paper trail. I have seen a lot of wills and bogus deeds signed on deathbeds…hmm maybe have deeds signed to an LLC which pays out like an annuity. Then the owners start disappearing. Sounds too complicated for public viewing. Just bantering. Maybe have Tang’s mom have a huge property holding granting to a bogus non-profit in the will…

[Michael Williamsen]

~w0w~ Kimberly- I’m exhausted from the thrilling ride of your story!!

I really like that you labeled by MIS – I will start doing this in my outline. It seemed in both Basic Instinct and Silence of the Lambs they started off with a lot of intrigue building mystery then ended with tons of suspense. I really look forward to keeping up on your story!

[Michael Williamsen]

It was Aristotle who first coined the concept of the 3 act play. Then many others expanded it with terms we are using now. I know when I watch a movie (which has been many the past 1.5 years!) most of the time I will recognize the big turning point, hit pause, to see it is almost exactly in the middle of the movie. This is especially true with rom-coms. The 3 act structure has been around for a long time because it works. My story now does not fill out the correct structure so I will due spinal surgery on it until it does. I understand Hollywood expects it.

I plan on putting a page turning thriller sub story in my next real estate book about the fight for real estate upon someone’s death. These days, to get someone to read something, even something that will save their life, they need to be: 1) hooked immediately 2) engaged 100% 3) teased, twisted, taunted, tempted, tormented… over and over. The opening like to the trust book will be a familiar line to those who stood and watched their loved one die while in the medical process: “Mr. Williamsen, I’m sorry. We tried everything. There is nothing more we can do. I suggest you take her home and start getting her things in order…” At this point, the words became a blur. My lungs felt like they had just been torn out my throat. I headed for the liquor store.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah, seeing the story on one page is sure a reality check

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah, seeing the story on one page is sure a reality check

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff – I believe Hollywood has the magic structure of the 3 act play. Especially rom-coms – you can pause the movie at the turning points to find it fit right into the clock. Using it may not be magic for success but not using it sure invites disaster for a rookie like me.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

I heard Sharon Stone say, when asked “did she kill him?” she said YES. If it was Beth’s plan to set up Catherine, why would she do this even before Nick had even met Catherine? And if she killed A.I. guy Nielsen, why would she make it look like Nick did it when she really wanted Nick back into her life?

[Michael Williamsen]

Thanks Jeff! Sheriff Mike will need all the help he can get!! I have always thought the perfect time for a crime is during a police officer’s funeral.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff and Wayne – Have Ben try to fade away into retirement but those who knew of his corruption are setting him up as the fall guy so they can take over forcing Ben to create a final resolution in a wicked cat and cat hunt.

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff – Sure. People kill people all the time to get their inheritance. It may not be a bullet in the head, but pull them off life support, switch meds, neglect. Hospice is the grim reaper of Medicar. Death bed wills are very common, very hard and expensive to contest…

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff – Sure. People kill people all the time to get their inheritance. It may not be a bullet in the head, but pull them off life support, switch meds, neglect. Hospice is the grim reaper of Medicar. Death bed wills are very common, very hard and expensive to contest…

[Michael Williamsen]

I’m assuming go bk to get away with the money?

[Michael Williamsen]

I don’t see it in my emails. Can you please send again and I will send you my book

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff, house snatching is very common in divorce (my latest book) and especially in estate battles (next book once I get this screenplay up and running.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Larry. As a fellow-confused by with the distinction between mystery, intrigue and suspense, I am coming up with this understanding:

Mystery – the big question, the unknown that builds and is resolved in the end.

Intrigue – interesting items making us curious about actions and dialog as to how it will become important during the story – setups and twists at different levels. I would think leaking in backstory can create intrigue nicely.

Suspense – that which makes us sit on the edge of our seat. It builds until the mystery is resolved.

In this movie it seemed that the intrigue slowly faded while the suspense intensify until it exploded with the big answer to the mystery.

All comments

[Michael Williamsen]

H Kathy. This will make a great story as so many have lived it in divorces and estate battles. This will be fun to see how you escalate!! I wrote a book on divorces and real estate which has some pretty wicked true stories with names changed to protect the writer – I will send you a copy or email you a pdf of the book. mikewilliamsen@gmail.com

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi James. Thanks for your comments! Sign me up for your fan page!!

I would also love to see a map or graph of the scenes. I use Movie Magic Screenwriter 6.0 which will print up 3×5 cards of scenes like many writers do with the actual cards and tape on the wall to make sure the flow goes in the desired directions.

[Michael Williamsen]

I hope I can come up with something more exciting than dumping a bbq into the pool -But its hard to beat Jack!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Wayne I have a corrupt Mayor and a wild cat sheriff in my story. I am looking forward to seeing how you show some respect for the law in your story! I kill them all in the end.

I spent some time in Eastern Washington in a small town where necks were two colors. Red and Redder. Ford pickup trucks: men drove F250’s, women F150’s. I was the hippie, Waylon Jennings “long-haired country boy” as I didn’t like getting haircuts so at times, my hair went almost 1/2 inch over my ears. They played both types of music: Country and Western. When the rodeo came to town, the glittered up rodeo riders would come down to the bar to boast about their success at lassooing steer. They had no idea the boys with the worn hats and holes in their boots had branded dozens during the day.

[Michael Williamsen]

I am not planning on choosing an actual town. I’m thinking New Mexico since Breaking Bad seemed to go over there quite well. I have not been to any border towns other than San Diego. Maybe I’ll have to make a road trip to AZ, NM, TX…

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Roscoe! Just your title “Skinwalker” gives me the creeps!! This is going to be an exciting story to see unfold!!

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Jeff – great concept – its like a hospital full of humans most would rather see gone – goes retail on body parts. WOW!!

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah Jeff. I really like the Red Herring character idea. It freed me up to designate another hero which has really changed my story.

I will be really interested as to how you weave Tom into your story!

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Stephen – anything with beautiful voluptuous young women has my attention. The rest sounds deliciously wicked!! I’m really looking forward to more!!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Kathy! Great concept and needed story. I am a real estate broker and have seen things like this often. I look forward to seeing your story develop!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Looks like a nail biter

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

This looks like a 2nd honeymoon to hell.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

What seems like a Winnie the Pooh story goes dark!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.