[Michelle]

Michelle’s Character Death Track

I learned the importance of first to die characters.

Death Sequence

· Character death: The Innocent One – Evelyn

Why: She deceived Friends One and Two

How: Friend One pushes her off the tower after uncovering the deception

· Character death: Friend One

Why: To avoid spending life imprisoned

How: Suicide, jumps to death

· Character death: Friend Two

Why: To avoid doing time as an accomplice to murder

How: Suicide, jumps to death

· Character death: Parents

Why: Unable to cope, daughter’s loss, strained marriage

How: Car crash

· Character deaths: One, Two, Three, Four

Why: Monster made the decision

How: Sacrificed

· Character death: Luke

Why: Disingenuous

How: Blindsided

· Character death: Giles

Why: Bad decision

How: Set up

· Character death: Roger

Why: Character flaw

How: Escape attempt

· Character death: Campsite parishioners

Why: Random, monster bait

How: Thrown into the monster

· Character death: Mad Dog

Why: Random

How: Charge blindly into action

· Character death: Jessel, Jesus 1, Jesus 2, retreatants

Why: Random, monster bait

How: Surprised, blindsided

· Character death: Sara

Why: Liability, on the brink of death

How: Sacrificed

· Character death: Maddock

Why: Bad decision

How: Thrown to the monster

· Character death: Pastor Tim

Why: Bad decisions

How: Blindsided

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned: I found dramatic situations that needed replacing.

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

· Connect with the characters: Evelyn’s life before retreat

· Atmosphere of Evil established: Reunited friends play a deadly game of truth or dare.

· The characters are warned not to participate: Evelyn to sister

Horror Situation: Being lured into danger – drugs and truth or dare tower climb. Possessed friends fall to death, Evelyn’s sister falls climbing down.

Reaction: Denial by Third Friend and Evelyn

· The characters are warned not to go on retreat: Mother to Evelyn

· Denial of Horror: Evelyn assures leaving is safe even though sister returned deranged.

Horror Situation: Forces of nature – rainy car crash. Arguing parents’ car hit by train after dead daughter appears, killing both.

Reaction: Evelyn seeks solace at island retreat.

· Safety taken away: stripped of possessions and communication on arrival

· Monster, the nature of the beast: Pastor assigns survivability on arrival.

Horror Situation: Injured – Luke’s eyes are knife pierced for looking up.

Reaction: Denial, no one sees what happened.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

· Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: individuals isolated in powerless, remote lodging

Horror Situation: Injured – Sara whipped

Reaction: Denial, she isn’t following the rules.

Horror Situation: Injured – Roger partial scalp removal ripping taped mouth

Reaction: Denial, he isn’t following the rules.

Horror Situation: Injured – Sara’s face slashed

Reaction: Denial, she isn’t following the rules.

· One of us killed: Monster kills Luke.

Horror Situation: See another killed – Evelyn witnesses Luke’s death.

Reaction: Hidden but seen – Will she be next?

Horror Situation: Mental torture – Evelyn hiding in spider infested outhouse

Reaction: Hide

Horror Situation: Unknown motive – Jessel leads unbelievers to their deaths.

Reaction: Denial, no one sees what happened.

Horror Situation: Unknown motive – Roger and Evelyn beaten, Sara removed

Reaction: Denial, they aren’t following the rules.

· (another) One of us killed: Monster kills Sara.

Horror Situation: Doing something forbidden – Evelyn is witness to Sara’s ravage and rape.

Reaction: Hiding, will she be next.

Horror Situation: Doing something forbidden – Giles screams in Pastor Tim’s hut.

Reaction: Try to Solve it and Hiding

· (another) One of us killed: Monster kills Roger.

Horror Situation: Roger is maimed then killed fleeing for help.

Reaction: Hide

MIDPOINT – The monster is worse than we thought!

· Terrorized: Killing spree. Individuals fight for group survival then their own.

Horror Situation: Character loses it, hysteria – Monster kills at the campsite.

Reaction: Hide and flee, Evelyn is next.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

· Full pursuit by the killer: Monster takes killing spree on the road, pursuing Evelyn.

Horror Situation: Jungle chase

Reaction: Escape

Horror Situation: Character loses it, hysteria – Monster kills everyone at the retreat.

Reaction: Hide and flee, Evelyn is next.

· Full pursuit by the killer: Evelyn stumbles upon Sara. Maddock re-appears.

· Death returns to take one or more: Maddock kills Sara.

Horror Situation: A character becomes a liability – Maddock throws Sara off a cliff.

Reaction: Denial

· Hysteria: Maddock is in cahoots with Pastor and monster who join him.

Horror Situation: Kidnapped – Pastor takes Evelyn.

Reaction: Fight

· Death returns to take one or more: Monster kills Maddock.

Horror Situation: Walking into a trap – Monster kills Maddock.

Reaction: Fight

· Fight to the death: Pastor tries to drown Evelyn.

Horror Situation: Can not see – foggy lake, under water

Reaction: Fight

· The thrilling escape from death: Sister saves Evelyn, kills Pastor.

Horror Situation: Can not see – foggy, under water

Reaction: Fight

· Fight to the death: Sister kills monster.

Horror Situation: Jungle chase to the beach

Reaction: Fight

Horror Situation: Face to face with the monster on dinghy

Reaction: Fight

Horror Situation: Can not see – monster’s feet tangle in tossed anchor, goes overboard

Reaction: Fight

· Resolution: Sister makes it to main boat, crew secure dinghy.

Horror Situation: Impending doom – Monster uses rope to hoist back onto the dinghy.

Reaction: Denial – no one sees

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Horror Plot

I learned to keep the outline simple. Details in my head will eventually make it to paper.

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

· Atmosphere of Evil established: Reunited friends play a deadly game of truth or dare.

· Connect with the characters: Evelyn’s life before reunion

· The characters are warned not to do it: Evelyn to sister, later, Mother to Evelyn

· Denial of Horror: Evelyn assures leaving is safe even though sister never returned.

· Safety taken away: stripped of possessions and communication on arrival

· Monster, the nature of the beast: Pastor assigns survivability on arrival.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

· Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: individuals isolated in powerless, remote lodging

· One of us killed: Monster kills Luke.

MIDPOINT – The monster is worse than we thought!

· Terrorized: Killing spree. Individuals fight for group survival then their own.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

· Full pursuit by the killer: Monster takes killing spree on the road, pursuing Evelyn.

· Fight to the death: Evelyn stumbles upon Sara. Maddock re-appears and kills Sara.

· Hysteria: Maddock is in cahoots with monster training Pastor. Pastor and monster join Maddock.

· Death returns to take one or more: Evelyn kills Maddock.

· The thrilling escape from death: Sister saves Evelyn, killing Pastor. Fleeing Evelyn kills monster.

· Resolution: Evelyn makes it to a boat.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Characters for Horror

Movie Group: Sinners

Dying Pattern: A

The Group:

· Leader: Maddock – ex-Marine, never going back, here for the long haul

· Rescuer: Giles – good heart, damaged soul

· Out of control / Obnoxious: Luke – Insta famous down under

· Complainer: Roger – vocal at all the wrong times

· Innocent: Sara – self-help seeker

· Rebel / Rule Breaker: Mad Dog – narcissist

· Moral One/Innocent: Evelyn – self-help seeker

· Monster Bait: Jessel, Jesus 1, Jesus 2, Parishioners, One, Two, Three, Four – massacre victims

· The Carrier: Pastor Tim – monster trainer

· Sacrificial Lamb: Evelyn’s sister – opposite Evelyn in every way

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Terrifying Monster

I learned to incorporate critical elements when creating monsters.

My monster: Friend Three

· Their Terror: Ritualistically dismembers and removes victims’ internal organs, skinning faces while still alive. Nightly attacks target ill-natured island arrivals whose only way off is a once weekly dinghy.

· Their Mystery: How does it select victims?

· Their Fear-provoking Appearance: Masks, conceal a burn scarred disfigured face. Masks are the faces of victims. Weapons of choice are hands and a scalpel.

· Their Rules: It knows your ill-natured crimes. It can’t be killed. It can influence others to follow. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t forgive or forget. It’s vengeful. It will kill you.

· Their Mythology: It witnessed a heinous crime and blames itself for not preventing deaths nor resulting trauma affecting its’ young adult friend group.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Horror Conventions

I learned to watch for conventions when watching (bad) horror.

Film

· Title / Concept: The Black Phone / Deceased kidnapped children provide survival tips to the latest victim via a disconnected phone.

· Terrorize the Characters: Characters are kidnapped by a masked magician.

· Isolation: They are locked in a dark soundproof basement.

· Death: We don’t see the killings, but imagine them after seeing characters in the afterlife.

· Monster/Villain: The Grabber, who waits for kids to play the game.

· High Tension: Will he escape before being killed?

· Departure from Reality: disconnected phone rings, talking dead kids, sister finds brother through dreams

· Moral Statement: Adulthood ruins the innocence of youth.

My Film

· Terrorize the Characters: characters chased and savagely killed

· Isolation: on an island

· Death / Fears: the dark, the unknown, something terrible will happen, the unseen, psychopaths, spiders, heights, death, rape

· Monster/Villain: islander gone mad whose actions are manipulated by a masochistic priest

· High Tension: Does anyone survive?

· Departure from Reality: death by archaic means

· Moral Statement: Do unto others…

[Michelle]

Hello,

I’m Michelle. I’ve written three scripts and currently am re-writing a horror. I hope to hone my skills and add to the toolbox. What’s unique about me? I have one granted patent and four patents pending from a previous life.

[Michelle]

Michelle Lee agrees to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Trust Relationships

I learned that some of the trust/distrusts overlap the twists, and I need to remove redundancies.

OPENING: From inside a department store, the Other Woman (OW) stalks Peter who sees Nora off in a cab. He enters.

· Mystery 1: Who is looking for Peter?

· Secret 1: The Elegant Man (EM) has a son.

Cover up: EM withdraws inheritance from sole stepdaughter heir unless she finds someone.

· Villain’s Plan 1: Disinherit stepdaughter if she fails to find Peter.

· Trust: Peter proposes to Nora.

· Distrust: Peter is having an affair with Beth.

· Distrust: Leo offers to help the OW find Peter.

· Secret 9: Leo’s grandfather died as a result of Peter’s grandfather’s treason.

Cover up: Leo offers to help find Peter.

· Trust: Peter has a pleasant interaction with the OW.

· Distrust: She pretends to be a salesperson.

· Twist 1:

Current direction: The OW confirms she found the person the EM is looking for.

Twist: Instead of leaving, she impersonates a salesperson and flirts with Peter.

· Twist 2:

Current direction: She has Leo tail Peter hoping to later rob his home.

Twist: The EM tails Leo.

· Secret 2: EM knows Leo.

Cover up: They have prior business interactions abroad.

· Distrust: Leo follows him and she shows up at the same bar that night.

· Trust: Peter and the OW talk over friendly drinks.

· Twist 3:

Current direction: After around-the-clock surveillance, she enters the back door of a bar Peter frequents. She drugs his drink.

Twist: Given drink preferences, Peter switches glasses and she is drugged instead.

· Distrust: She drugs his drink.

· Distrust: He swaps drinks preferring her order.

· Distrust: Leo waits in the ally.

· Trust: Peter carries her out through the ally. and takes her to his penthouse so she can sleep it off.

· Twist 4:

Current direction: Leo waits for her signal.

Twist: Peter drags her out through the ally and hails a cab.

· Twist 5:

Current direction: Leo follows intent on retrieving her and robbing him.

Twist: Given war atrocities, Leo deems long-term blackmail a better option.

· Distrust: Leo puts an extortion plan in motion after the original goes awry.

· Life threatening event 1: Peter awakens to a badly beaten OW. Is he capable of violence?

· Twist 6:

Current direction: Neither remembers previous night events. Peter wants her out and pays her off in cash.

Twist: She acts pitiful and seduces him. He is a willing participant. She takes the money.

· Trust: Peter tells Nora the truth about the OW but she doesn’t believe him.

· Distrust: Peter continues the affair with the OW since he’s already being extorted.

· Distrust: Peter hides the extortion from Nora.

· Trust: Peter meets Beth at a café to call off the affair.

· Twist 7

· Current direction: Full of guilt, Peter meets Beth at a café to break off their affair.

· Twist: Beth breaks off the affair.

· Distrust: Beth calls off the affair.

INCITING INCIDENT: Nora suspects cheating and breaks the engagement. She flees with Beth who dies.

· Twist 13

Current direction: Leo flies to Europe for business with the EM.

Twist: The OW tags along.

· Life threatening event 4: Given alleged infidelity, Nora meets Beth at a hotel. While Beth chooses the EM over Nora, Leo drugs Nora at the bar.

· Twist 8:

Current direction: Nora and Beth book dinner at the hotel restaurant.

Twist: After a lust-at-first sight lobby encounter, Beth dines with the EM.

· Twist 9:

Current direction: Leo drugs Nora at the bar with the hopes of date rape.

Twist: The bartender pours Nora a fresh iced drink (she declined a copper cup).

· Distrust: He drugs her in a failed date rape ploy and shows up opportunistically.

· Life threatening event 5: Nora returns to the apartment where she witnesses Beth’s murder.

· Distrust: Leo kills Beth to get back at the EM.

· Trust: Nora tells Peter Beth is dead.

· Trust: Peter flies to Europe to support Nora.

· Mystery 2: Who killed Beth?

· Secret 3: Leo kills Beth.

Cover up: The EM erases all traces of their encounter.

· Villain’s Plan 2: Remove evidence of a murder in the room where it occurred.

· Twist 11 (viewed from Nora’s window):

Current direction: The EM calls room service for ice.

Twist: Given the late hour and lack of staff, the attendant says the EM himself needs to get it from the restaurant. When he returns, Beth is dead.

· Twist 12 (viewed from Nora’s window):

Current direction: The EM calls henchmen to clean the murder scene and leaves.

Twist: While he’s away, they plant evidence implicating him.

TURNING POINT 1: Peter’s extortion begins.

· Life threatening event 2: Peter and the OW continue the affair.

· Twist 10:

Current direction: Leo launches the extortion plan hoping to end the affair.

Twist: The OW continues the affair and acts like she’s not part of Leo’s plan.

· Life threatening event 3: Leo stalks and extorts Peter.

· Life threatening event 6: Peter’s business takes him to Europe to court an investor and mentions he needs help with a minor complication.

· Trust: Peter accepts a meeting/meets with the EM to discuss investment in his start up.

· Distrust: Peter lies to the EM about engagement in front of Nora to win her back.

MIDPOINT: Several attempts are made to silence Nora.

· Mystery 4: Will someone kill Nora too?

· Secret 4: Someone puts a hit on Nora.

Cover up: The EM pretends not to know Nora when introduced by Peter.

· Villain’s Plan 3: Open a contract on Nora

· Life threatening event 7: Nora agrees to meet Peter and they head to the countryside where a tour guide spooks her underground and someone tries to kill her in the sauna.

· Trust: Peter takes Nora to the countryside intent on reconciling.

· Distrust: Peter locks Nora in the sauna to save her.

· Distrust: Leo is the hotel provided historian Peter hires at the Forest house.

· Twist 14:

Current direction: Peter is intent on reconciling.

Twist: He locks Nora in the sauna and rescues her to stay in her good graces.

· Life threatening event 8: Nora tells Peter she’s the only witness to a crime he suggests she stop pursuing. He confesses his tragic past and parents’ deaths.

· Trust: Nora tells Peter she witnessed the EM kill Beth.

· Trust: Peter recaps his conversation about his past including the EM being his father.

· Twist 15:

Current direction: Peter reveals his family history and hires a guide from the hotel to illustrate the rest.

Twist: The guide is Leo.

· Life threatening event 15: Once back, she revisits the cellar collecting clues (something red) and finds herself in a labyrinth as Leo gives chase.

· Distrust: Leo tries to kill Nora again.

· Distrust: Leo attempts to kill Nora after he suspects she’s on to him.

TURNING POINT 2: The EM is Peter’s father whose stepdaughter is the extortionist and the OW.

· Mystery 3: Who is the Elegant Man?

· Secret 5: Peter’s father is not dead.

Cover: Investor in Peter’s company

· Villain’s Plan 4: Fund Peter’s start up with dirty money.

· Life threatening event 10: Peter confronts the EM after seeing him with the OW who turns out to be his stepdaughter. The EM assures him he can make her go away since she isn’t blood related.

· Distrust: The EM is sitting with the OW when Peter joins him for a meeting.

· Distrust: The OW is introduced as his stepdaughter.

· Life threatening event 11: Nora watches the EM, OW and Leo chummily talking from her window. Leo catches her watching. She tells Peter to use the murder card to force him to stop the extortion and restore funds to his business.

· Secret 6: He is helping the extortionist.

Cover up: He offers to help Peter find his extortionist.

· Trust: The EM says he can get rid of the extortionist because she is not blood related.

· Villain’s Plan 5: Divert all of Peter’s money to support opposing war effort.

· Villain’s Plan 6: Lie (continuously) to extortionist and Peter.

· Secret 7: His father was a traitor.

Cover up: Company profits provide restitution to war victims and fund the same separatist movements Leo funds.

· Life threatening event 12: EM tells him Peter he is his father and devised the extortion scheme to control him. Peter blurts out he has a witness to the murder, putting the EM’s ploy and Nora’s life at risk.

· Distrust: Peter tells the EM Nora witnessed him murder Beth.

· Distrust: EM puts a hit on Nora so Peter doesn’t have to choose her or family.

· Secret 8: Peter knows the EM and Leo are killers.

Cover up: He preys on Peter’s biggest weakness to win him over by telling him he is his father.

· Villain’s Plan 7: Confess he’s Peter’s father.

· Distrust: EM preys on Peter’s orphan complex by telling him he is his father.

· Trust: The EM confides in Peter about his past.

· Trust: Peter asks EM to stop the extortion. EM agrees.

· Distrust: The EM is colluding with the extortionists and diverting Peter’s money to opposing factions.

· Trust: The EM tells Peter his extorted funds are being diverted but can help.

· Trust: Peter and Nora use the murder card to plan their exit.

CLIMAX: Peter/Leo/EM/Super kills Nora.

· Life threatening event 13: Nora and Peter decide to leave. As she packs, a killer waits in the shadows and a violent struggle ensues.

· Life threatening event 14: From a hotel window the OW sees Nora struggle.

· Twist 1:

Direction: The OW sees Nora about to be murdered.

Twist: Nora sees the OW about to be murdered. The murders happen simultaneously.

· Trust: The EM kills the OW.

· Distrust: The OW is pregnant with Peter’s child.

· Twist 16:

Current direction: The EM plans to kill the OW.

Twist: The OW is pregnant with Peter’s child.

· Distrust: Leo kills Nora.

· Villain’s Plan 8: Kill Nora.

RESOLUTION: In a hospital, Peter sits next to a bandaged Beth.

· Life threatening event 15: The ending where conforming Peter sits bedside in a hospital room, the EM rests a hand on his shoulder, beside a bedridden bandaged woman. When Peter reaches for her hand, her red fingernail is missing.

· Twist 19:

Current direction: Peter thinks the bandaged woman is Nora.

Twist: He removes the red object from his pocket Nora gave him for safe keeping and lines it up with the missing fingernail and realizes the patient is Beth.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Twists and Turns

Although still in a messy state, I found my map becoming clearer. I watched North by Northwest again to bring the lesson home.

OPENING: From inside a department store, the Other Woman (OW) stalks Peter who sends Nora off in a cab. He enters.

· Mystery 1: Who is looking for Peter?

· Secret 1: The Elegant Man (EM) has a son.

Cover up: EM withdraws inheritance from sole stepdaughter heir unless she finds someone.

· Twist 1:

Current direction: The OW confirms she found the person the EM is looking for.

Twist: Instead of leaving, she impersonates a salesperson and flirts with Peter.

· Twist 2:

Current direction: She texts Leo to tail Peter hoping to discover where he lives.

Twist: The EM tails Leo.

· Twist 3:

Current direction: After around-the-clock surveillance, she enters the back door of a bar Peter frequents. She drugs his drink.

Twist: Given drink preferences, Peter switches glasses and she is drugged instead.

· Twist 4:

Current direction: Leo waits in the ally for her signal.

Twist: Peter drags her out through the ally and hails a cab so she can sleep it off at his place.

· Twist 5:

Current direction: Leo follows intent on retrieving her and robbing him.

Twist: Given war atrocities, Leo deems long-term blackmail a better option.

· Life threatening event 1: Peter awakens to a badly beaten OW. Is he capable of violence?

· Twist 6:

Current direction: Neither remembers events from the previous night. Peter wants her gone and grabs a stack of cash to pay her off.

Twist: She acts pitiful and seduces him. He is a willing participant. She takes the money.

· Twist 7

· Current direction: Full of guilt, Peter meets Beth at a café to break off their affair.

· Twist: Beth breaks off the affair.

· Villain’s Plan 1: Cut stepdaughter out of will if she fails to find Peter.

· Secret 9: Leo’s grandfather died as a result of Peter’s grandfather’s treason.

Cover up: Leo offers to help find Peter.

· Secret 2: EM knows Leo.

Cover up: They have prior business interactions abroad.

INCITING INCIDENT: Nora suspects cheating and breaks the engagement. She flees with Beth who dies.

· Life threatening event 4: Given alleged infidelity with the OW, Nora meets Beth at a hotel. While Beth chooses the EM over Nora, Leo drugs Nora at the bar.

· Twist 8:

Current direction: Nora and Beth schedule to meet for dinner at the hotel restaurant.

Twist: Beth and the EM schedule dinner after a lust-at-first sight encounter in the lobby.

· Twist 9:

Current direction: Leo drugs Nora at the bar with the hopes of date rape.

Twist: The bartender pours Nora a fresh cold drink (she declined a copper cup for her Moscow Mule).

· Life threatening event 2: Peter and the OW continue the affair.

· Twist 10:

Current direction: Leo sets the extortion plan in motion forcing an end to the affair.

Twist: The OW continues the affair.

· Life threatening event 5: Nora returns to the apartment where she witnesses Beth’s murder.

· Mystery 2: Who killed Beth?

· Secret 3: Leo kills Beth.

Cover up: The EM erases all traces of their encounter.

· Villain’s Plan 2: Remove evidence of a murder in the room where it occurred.

· Twist 11 (viewed from Nora’s window):

Current direction: The EM calls room service for ice.

Twist: Given the late hour and lack of staff, the attendant says the EM himself needs to get it from the restaurant. When he returns, Beth is dead.

· Twist 12 (viewed from Nora’s window):

Current direction: The EM calls henchmen to clean the murder scene.

Twist: While he’s away, they plant evidence implicating him.

TURNING POINT 1: Peter’s extortion begins.

· Life threatening event 3: Leo blackmails and stalks Peter.

· Life threatening event 6: Peter’s business takes him to the same hotel where he courts an investor and mentions he needs help with a minor complication.

· Twist 13

Current direction: Leo follows Peter to Europe to continue extorting him.

Twist: The OW tags along.

MIDPOINT: Several attempts are made to silence Nora.

· Mystery 4: Will someone kill Nora too?

· Secret 4: Someone puts a hit on Nora.

Cover up: The EM pretends not to know Nora when introduced by Peter.

· Villain’s Plan 3: Open a hit on Nora

· Life threatening event 7: Nora agrees to meet Peter and they head to the countryside where a tour guide spooks Nora underground and someone tries to kill her in the sauna.

· Twist 14:

Current direction: Peter is intent on reconciling.

Twist: He locks Nora in the sauna and rescues her to stay in her good graces.

· Life threatening event 8: Nora tells Peter she’s the only witness to a crime he suggests she stop pursuing. He confesses his tragic past and parents’ deaths.

· Twist 15:

Current direction: Peter reveals his family history and hires a guide from the hotel to illustrate the rest.

Twist: The guide is Leo.

· Life threatening event 15: Once back, she revisits the cellar collecting clues (something red) and finds herself in a labyrinth as someone gives chase.

TURNING POINT 2: The EM is Peter’s father whose stepdaughter is the extortionist and the OW.

· Mystery 3: Who is the Elegant Man?

· Secret 5: Peter’s father is not dead.

Cover: He invests in Peter’s company

· Villain’s Plan 4: Fund Peter’s start up with dirty money.

· Life threatening event 10: Peter confronts the EM after seeing him with the OW who turns out to be his stepdaughter. The EM assures him he can make her go away since she isn’t blood related.

· Twist 16:

Current direction: The EM plans to kill the OW.

Twist: The OW is pregnant with Peter’s child.

· Life threatening event 11: Nora watches the EM, OW and Leo chummily talking from her window. Leo catches her watching. She tells Peter to use the murder card to force him to stop the extortion and restore funds to his business.

· Secret 6: He is helping the extortionist.

Cover up: He offers to help Peter find his extortionist.

· Villain’s Plan 5: Divert all of Peter’s money to support opposing war effort.

· Villain’s Plan 6: Lie (continuously) to extortionist and Peter.

· Secret 7: His father was a traitor.

Cover up: He donates profits from his business to provide restitution and fund the same separatist movements Leo is funding.

· Life threatening event 12: Peter’s threat is cut short when the EM tells him he is his father and devised the extortion scheme to gain control over and make him conform. Peter blurts out he has a witness to the crime, putting the EM’s ploy and Nora’s life at risk.

· Secret 8: Peter knows the EM or Leo are killers.

Cover up: The EM preys on Peter’s biggest weakness to win his loyalty by telling him he is his father.

· Villain’s Plan 7: Confess he’s Peter’s father.

· Twist 17:

Current direction: TBD

Twist: TBD

CLIMAX: Peter/Leo/EM/Super kills Nora.

· Life threatening event 13: Nora and Peter decide to leave. As she packs, a killer waits in the shadows and a violent struggle ensues.

· Life threatening event 14: From a hotel window someone witnesses Nora’s struggle.

· Twist 18:

Direction: The OW sees Nora about to be murdered.

Twist: Nora sees the OW about to be murdered. The murders happen simultaneously.

· Villain’s Plan 8: Kill Nora.

RESOLUTION: In a hospital, Peter sits next to a bandaged Beth.

· Life threatening event 15: The ending where conforming Peter sits bedside in a hospital room, the EM rests a hand on his shoulder, beside a bedridden bandaged woman. When Peter reaches for her hand, her red fingernail is missing.

· Twist 19:

Current direction: Peter thinks the bandaged woman is Nora.

Twist: He removes the red object from his pocket Nora gave him for safe keeping and lines it up with the missing nail and realizes the patient is Beth.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Thriller Plot

I see how M.I.S. flesh out the structure but am unsure if I should place Secrets and Cover Ups and Mystery Chains in the skeleton. I also had an aha moment about deadlines and putting something on paper to revisit/reorganize while revising/incorporating previous days’ assignments.

Structure

OPENING: The Other Woman stalks Peter.

· Life threatening event 1: He awakens to a badly beaten Other Woman. Is he capable of violence?

· Mystery 1: Who is looking for Peter?

· Secret 1: The Elegant Man has a son.

Cover up: He withdraws inheritance from sole stepdaughter heir until she finds someone for him.

· Villain’s Plan 1: Cut stepdaughter out of will if she fails to find Peter.

· Secret 9: Leo’s grandfather died as a result of Peter’s grandfather’s treason.

Cover up: Leo offers to help find Peter.

· Secret 2: EM knows Leo.

Cover up: They have prior business interactions abroad.

· Life threatening event 2: Wrongly accused by Nora, Peter falls into cheating ways with her best friend Beth.

· Life threatening event 4: Given alleged infidelity with the Other Woman, Nora meets Beth at a hotel. While Beth chooses the Elegant Man (EM) over Nora, Leo drugs Nora at the bar.

INCITING INCIDENT: Call from Nora after breaking engagement, Beth is dead.

· Life threatening event 5: She returns to the apartment where she witnesses Beth’s murder.

· Mystery 2: Who killed Beth?

· Secret 3: EM/Leo kills Beth.

Cover up: He erases all traces of their encounter.

· Villain’s Plan 2: Remove evidence of a murder in the room where it occurred.

TURNING POINT 1: Peter’s extortion begins.

· Life threatening event 3: The Other Woman and boyfriend Leo blackmail and stalk Peter even after he ends the extortion.

· Life threatening event 6: Peter’s business takes him to the same hotel where he courts an investor and mentions he needs help with a minor complication.

MIDPOINT: Several attempts are made to silence Nora.

· Mystery 4: Will he kill Nora too?

· Secret 4: He puts a hit on Nora.

Cover up: He pretends not to know who she is when introduced by Peter.

· Villain’s Plan 3: Open a hit on Nora

· Life threatening event 7: Nora agrees to meet and they head to the countryside where a tour guide (Leo) spooks Nora underground and tries to kill her in the sauna.

· Life threatening event 8: Nora tells Peter she’s the only witness to a crime he suggests she stop pursuing. He confesses his tragic past and parents’ deaths.

· Life threatening event 9: Once back, she revisits the cellar collecting clues (something red) and discovers a labyrinth as someone gives chase.

TURNING POINT 2: The EM is Peter’s father whose stepdaughter is the extortionist.

· Mystery 3: Who is the Elegant Man?

· Secret 5: Peter’s father is not dead.

Cover: He invests in Peter’s company

· Villain’s Plan 4: Fund Peter’s start up with dirty money.

· Life threatening event 10: Peter confronts the EM after seeing him with the Other Woman who turns out to be his stepdaughter. The EM assures him he can make her go away since she isn’t blood related.

· Life threatening event 11: Nora watches the EM, Other Woman and Leo chummily talking from a window. Leo catches her watching. She tells Peter to use the murder card to force him to take care of the situation.

· Secret 6: He is helping the extortionist.

Cover up: He offers to help Peter find his extortionist.

· Villain’s Plan 5: Divert all of Peter’s money to support opposing war effort.

· Villain’s Plan 6: Lie (continuously) to extortionist and Peter.

· Secret 7: His father was a traitor.

Cover up: He donates profits from his business to fund separatist movements and provide restitution.

· Life threatening event 12: Peter’s threat is cut short when the EM tells him he is his father and devised the scheme to gain control over and make him conform. Peter blurts out he has a witness to the crime, putting the EM’s ploy and Nora’s life at risk.

· Secret 8: Peter knows he/Leo is the killer.

Cover up: He preys on Peter’s biggest weakness to win his loyalty by telling him he is his father.

· Villain’s Plan 7: Confess he’s Peter’s father.

CLIMAX: Peter/Leo/EM/Super kills Nora.

· Life threatening event 13: Nora and Peter decide to leave. As she packs, a killer waits in the shadows and a violent struggle ensues.

· Life threatening event 14: From a hotel window someone witnesses Nora’s struggle.

· Villain’s Plan 8: Kill Nora.

RESOLUTION: In a hospital, Peter sits next to a bandaged Beth.

· Life threatening event 15: The ending where conforming Peter sits bedside in a hospital room, the EM rests a hand on his shoulder, beside a bedridden bandaged woman. When Peter reaches for her hand, her red fingernail is missing.

[Michelle]

What I learned is danger begins in the first 10 pages and is present on every page thereafter.

Villain’s plan and how it puts the Hero in danger: He feigns a business meeting to meet his estranged son. Before meeting, he mistakenly kills Beth and covers it up but Nora saw him commit the crime.

Sequence

1. Opens with the Other Woman stalking Peter which turns into a drunken encounter and staged violence.

2. Wrongly accused by Nora, Peter falls into cheating ways with her best friend Beth.

3. The Other Woman and boyfriend Leo blackmail and stalk Peter even after he ends the extortion.

4. Given alleged infidelity with the Other Woman, Nora meets Beth at a European hotel. While Beth chooses the Elegant Man (EM) over Nora, Leo drugs Nora at the bar.

5. She returns to the apartment where she witnesses Beth’s murder.

6. Peter’s business takes him to the same hotel where he courts an investor and mentions he needs help with a minor complication.

7. Nora agrees to meet and they head to the countryside where a tour guide (Leo) spooks Nora underground and tries to kill her in the sauna.

8. Nora tells Peter she’s the only witness to a crime he suggests she stop pursuing. He confesses his tragic past and parents’ deaths.

9. Once back, she revisits the cellar in search of clues (finds something red) and discovers a labyrinth as someone gives chase.

10. Peter confronts the EM after seeing him with the Other Woman who turns out to be the EM’s stepdaughter. The EM assures him he can make her go away since she isn’t blood related.

11. Nora watches the EM, Other Woman and Leo chummily talking from her window. Leo catches her watching. She tells Peter to use the murder card to force the EM to erase the situation.

12. Peter’s threat is cut short when the EM tells him he is his father and devised the scheme to gain control over and make him conform. Peter blurts out he has a witness to the crime, putting the EM’s ploy and Nora’s life at risk.

13. Nora and Peter decide to leave. As she packs, a killer waits in the shadows and a violent struggle ensues.

14. From a hotel window someone witnesses Nora’s struggle.

15. The ending where conforming Peter sits bedside in a hospital room, the EM with a hand on his shoulder, next to a bedridden bandaged woman. When Peter reaches for her hand, her red fingernail is missing.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Mystery Sequence

I learned mystery sequencing is a work in progress.

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

He kills Beth.

He is Peter’s father.

He is funding separatist groups to compensate for the sins of his father (wartime traitor).

2. Mysteries

Go into hiding.

Erase his past.

Fake his death.

Move and set up shop overseas.

Hire someone to find his son.

Use business to fund repatriation and separatist efforts.

Use connections to stay above the law.

Blackmail, use wealth as a cover to gain trust/influence then divert funds to opposition war effort.

3. First mystery

He kills Beth.

4. Sequence

Secret: The Elegant Man has a son.

Cover up: He withdraws inheritance from sole stepdaughter heir until she finds someone for him.

Secret: He kills Beth.

Cover up: He erases all traces of their encounter.

Secret: He puts a hit on Nora.

Cover up: He pretends not to know who she is when introduced by Peter.

Secret: Peter’s father is not dead.

Cover: He invests in Peter’s company.

Secret: He is helping the extortionist.

Cover up: He offers to help Peter find his extortionist.

Secret: His father was a traitor.

Cover up: He donates profits from his business to fund separatist movements and provide restitution.

Secret: Peter knows he is the killer.

Cover up: He preys on Peter’s biggest weakness to win his loyalty by telling him he is his father.

RED HERRING

Secret: The stepdaughter’s lover’s grandfather died as a result of her step-grandfather’s treason.

Cover up: Leo offers to help find Peter.

5. Mystery Chain for each main mystery.

Who killed Beth?

The Elegant Man’s lobby intrigue turns into a dinner date with Beth.

He later takes her to his room where she falls.

Her head accidentally strikes a table.

He rapes her then calls a henchman and dials 112.

An ambulance arrives but goes to the wrong floor.

His henchman disposes the body and erases all traces of the crime.

Who is looking for Peter?

The Elegant Man will disinherit his sole heir stepdaughter unless she finds someone for him.

Her lover readily helps in the search.

They find him.

They extort him unbeknownst to the Elegant Man.

When funds dry up, her lover devises a new plan.

The Elegant Man meets Peter under the pretext of investing in his start up.

He gains trust by offering to find his extortionist and find out who is diverting his money.

He preys on Peter’s orphan complex to win his loyalty as his father.

Who is the Elegant Man?

Nora sees him with Beth at dinner.

Nora sees him with Beth in his room.

Nora sees him kill Beth.

Peter is meeting a potential investor in Europe.

It turns out he is the Elegant Man.

The bartender tells Nora he has no recollection seeing him with a woman.

Nora investigates but finds no history of this man.

Peter discovers he is his father.

Will he kill Nora too?

Someone locks Nora in the cellar.

The Bartender calls someone whenever Nora enters/exits the bar.

Someone chases Nora in the cellar.

Someone tries to kill Nora in the sauna.

Someone is behind the curtains in Nora’s apartment.

Someone is watching Nora from a courtyard apartment.

The Super tells someone Nora is a complication.

Someone is sitting on Nora’s apartment bed watching her and Peter in his hotel room.

Someone is in the room with Nora.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Villain Has a Great Plan

What I learned: A Villain needs a well thought out backstory that may never make it to screen.

End goal: Use fortune to fund war and find his son.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

· Blackmail henchmen bidding on his behalf to avoid self-incrimination.

· Money laundering and redirecting stranger’s funds to support opposing war effort.

· Use political connections.

How can they cover it up?

· Enlist henchmen to find son.

· Cover up a murder so it doesn’t interfere with finding son plan.

· Enlist henchmen to cover tracks.

· Open and exploit Peter’s wounds.

· Gain Peter’s trust.

· Pit Peter against Nora.

Sequence

· Cut off ex-wife and stepdaughter financially if stepdaughter fails to find Peter.

· Remove evidence of a murder in the room where it occurred.

· Open a hit on Nora.

· Fund Peter’s start up with dirty money.

· Divert all of Peter’s money to support opposing war effort.

· Lie (continuously) to extortionist and Peter.

· Confess he’s Peter’s father.

· Kill Nora.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s BI and SOTL Stacking Suspense

Clear definition of suspense and intrigue. I found myself confusing the two during the SOTL exercise. Dissecting each scene reinforced what to look for. Stacking really does present itself in every scene. (M.I.S. intentional)

M.I.S. keeps viewers engaged at the story level and at the scene level. Character M.I.S. helps create interesting characters. Making sure M.I.S. is part of every scene requires intentional mapping before any writing begins.

[Michelle]

What I learned: Interesting characters can make the story foundation stronger.

Big M.I.S.

• Big Mystery: Who killed Nora’s best friend?

• Big Intrigue: The killer’s clandestine scheme to fund separatist activity and his relationship to Peter.

• Big Suspense: Nora’s increasing chances of becoming a victim as she closes in on the killer.

World: Eastern European country predisposed to military aggression

Nora – Protagonist

Mystery: How does she find the killer?

Intrigue: How does she get others to help with the hunt?

Suspense: Will she die in the process?

Peter – Red Herring

Mystery: Why is he helping?

Intrigue: Why does he lie?

Suspense: Will his loyalty change when new information surfaces?

The Elegant Man – Antagonist

Mystery: Why is he covering up the murder?

Intrigue: What business is he really in?

Suspense: Will he get caught?

[Michelle]

What I learned doing this assignment: The importance of M.I.S. in a thriller. Creating a solid M.I.S. takes much thought. What I thought was solid was not.

Logline: After a failed engagement, a self-proclaimed sleuth conspires with her estranged fiancé to capture a killer and expose a Russian crime syndicate.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Jilted Nora travels to Europe to grieve Peter’s loss with best friend Beth. After witnessing Beth’s murder, Nora turns to Peter for help finding a killer. As details emerge, Peter’s blood ties to the killer are revealed.

Dangerous Villain: The Elegant Man leverages wealth and connections for personal gain. To circumvent the law, he employs covert tactics to erase crimes and their accusers.

• High stakes: War overspill into NATO member countries.

• Life and death situations:

Penthouse: Peter wants to kill the Other Woman, Leo beats the Other Woman

Hotel: The Elegant Man kills Beth

Bar: Leo drugs Nora

Apartment Cellar: Leo tries to kill Nora, Building Super tries to kill Nora

Forest House tunnel: Leo tries to kill Nora

Apartment: Someone kills(?) Nora

• This story is thrilling because? As the truth unfolds and dots connect, we wonder how one decision will impact the outcome of another as characters seek their own truth.

Big M.I.S.

• Big Mystery: Who killed Nora’s best friend?

• Big Intrigue: The killer’s clandestine scheme to fund Russian separatists and his relationship to Peter.

• Big Suspense: Nora’s increasing chances of becoming a victim as she closes in on the killer.

[Michelle]

Insomnia – Thriller Conventions

What I learned: How to view a film by prescription, not for entertainment value.

· Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Will Dormer, a decorated LA homicide detective approaching retirement, assigns guilt to murders. While IAB investigates his department’s rampant corruption and evidence tampering, they send him to Alaska to lead an investigation. In pursuit of a suspect, he kills his partner then reverts to illegal tactics to cover it up and catch a murderer while acute insomnia impairs him.

· Dangerous Villain: Walter Finch, Alaskan transplant detective novelist and wannabe cop, evades capture. He cleverly leverages Dormer tactics to frame someone else for murder. As a witness to Dormer’s crime, he blackmails Dormer to conceal the truth.

· High stakes: Dormer’s professional record and reputation. His partner’s. A lifetime of convicted cases overturned. Criminals will be set free, specifically, Dobbs, a child killer. People who depend on detectives/police/him will no longer be able to.

· Life and death situations: Finch chase: Finch shoots Alaskan detective, Finch tries to kill Dormer, Dormer kills his partner. Finch and Dormer rolling logs: Dormer falls under water nearly drowning. Lake house: Finch tries to kill Detective Burr, Detective Burr wants to kill Dormer, Finch tries to kill Burr and Dormer and finally, simultaneously, Dormer kills Finch and Finch kills(?) Dormer.

· This movie is thrilling because: As Dormer’s insomnia progresses, we wonder if and how it will impair his actions/judgement as Detective Burr uncovers evidence about him being his partner’s killer. We want the villain to get caught but his uncertain actions and need to identify with and befriend Dormer put capture at risk.

· Big Mystery: Who is the killer? (Alaskan victim and Dormer’s partner)

· Big Intrigue: A Villain whose actions/intellect/trickery mirror the Hero.

· Big Suspense: Will the killer be caught? (Finch and Dormer)

· Other: Moral of the story: Stay true to your values. Do the right thing even though justice may not prevail.

[Michelle]

Hello,

Michelle here, from California. I have written three scripts and am in the middle of rewriting a thriller but am stuck. Instead of giving up, I enrolled in this course to gain new perspective.

In the next 30 days, I hope to freshly map the thriller and look at the script with new eyes even if that means scrapping it and starting from a blank page.

What’s strange, unique, or unusual about me? I speak four languages (three fluently) and enjoy traveling with my passport carrying Welsh Terrier.

[Michelle]

As a member of this group, I , Michelle Lee, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Transformational Events

What I learned from this assignment is that I need to rethink/rework assignment 5.😂

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment: Answering uniform questions about characters simplifies writing character profiles.

[Michelle]

Michelle’s Transformational Journey

I am learning the importance of structure.

Hero: Beverly

Internal Journey: From fearful and helpless to brave and confident

External Journey: From pampered snowflake to bad ass sole survivor

Old Ways:

· Dependent
· Indecisive
· Insecure
· Follower
· Easily influenced
· Timid
· Naïve
· Inept

New Ways:

· Leader
· Decisive
· Instinctive
· Brave
· Confident
· Innovative
· Driven
· Fearless

[Michelle]

Hello, Cheryl and fellow classmates,

Michelle here, from Berkeley. I’m new to the industry and have written two scripts. The second, a thriller, was inspired and written during a three-month stay in Tallinn, Estonia (Hello, Aina!).

I hope to start and finish a horror script in the next 30 days.

What’s strange, unique, or unusual about me? After four patents and a long career in high-tech, I up and quit in January to focus on my passion. Writing.

[Michelle]

Michelle Lee

I agree to the terms of this release form.

I will do the class privately.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Michelle Lee.