[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller misdirects – when appropriate!

From the beginning, this glamorous mountain expedition/trek is a coverup for Ali Patel’s program. He runs a network of terrorists that brings trainees into remote mountainous regions This trains them for duties in Afghanistan, Pakistan and other mountainous areas. Patel ordinarily oversees the operation from a distance, but he’s checking up on everything, in his perfectionistic way. He wants to “hide in plain sight,” ferrying people into and out of the camps, side by side with rich tourists whose fees support the work of the terrorists. Under cover of the expeditions, they also bring up weapons and medical supplies, and take down wounded or sick people from the camps, who become “indigenous villagers” they are treating for charity. (They may also transport illegal drugs to make money.) The scheme brings in more and more money as wealthy people want to be associated with this “charitable” venture that also takes them on incredible mountaineering trips.

Brett must have bribed the Travel Agent, who let him in at the last minute without complete vetting. We would think that the Travel Agent must know Brett is against the true mission of these mountaineering expeditions. But we can’t be sure. Maybe the Travel Agent just liked having his palm greased. But Brett risks his life to rescue the Travel Agent, who is about to fall off the mountain in a strange accident. Why does Brett bother? The Travel Agent seems loyal to Ali Patel, but Patel is obviously dissatisfied with his performance. With the Travel Agent rescued, isn’t Brett worried that the Travel Agent will tell what he knows about Brett (which isn’t very much) to Patel? But Brett doesn’t know who Ali Patel is at the beginning of the trek. He has no idea that Patel is the boss of this whole operation and the very person he’s supposed to assassinate. Brett thinks that person is up at the remote camp. Brett sees Ali Patel as an arrogant, rich, very experienced climber who will become the new Expedition Leader or at least the #1 assistant to the new leader. The change of order of the climbers is not what Brett wants – one reason for Brett to rescue the Travel Agent.

The Travel Agent is a “Red Herring Character” in the sense that he feels guilty about taking a bribe to get Brett Dean on the trip at the last minute. He has no idea that Brett Dean is a CIA agent who wants to destroy their whole network. Perhaps he doesn’t totally realize what these expeditions are for, and was working with the illusion that they were just high-priced mountaineering expeditions? Is he ignorant of how ruthless Ali Patel is? No, I think he’s terrified of Patel.

Dr. Liza Graves is also a “Red Herring.” She conceals the fact that she speaks Arabic (learned from her Lebanese-born mother). [Dialogue misdirection.] She overheard some strange things in Arabic when she was treating severely injured people during an early crisis on the mountain. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on and deems it better to let people speak Arabic around her without indicating she understands it. She doesn’t trust anyone, and likes Ali Patel, who compliments her, flirts with her, lets her go on the trek for free since she’s providing her medical services, etc. Dr. Graves is enormously flattered by the attentions of someone as handsome, wealthy and worldly as Ali Patel – she doesn’t want to blow a possible relationship with him. But she is not completely comfortable with this mysterious Pakistani and finds Brett very attractive too.

She is quite closemouthed and discreet in all her dealings, which can arouse suspicion in others. She doesn’t volunteer much.

Dr. Graves wonders what’s in the boxes the group, constantly shrinking, is transporting up the mountain. She could say she was looking for medical supplies, but she doesn’t want to arouse any suspicion; she senses that Ali Patel would not like it if she was poking around, and she is finding him very appealing.

Brett Dean doesn’t trust Dr. Graves and she doesn’t trust him in the beginning. They each rub the other the wrong way. Brett Dean is jealous of Ali Patel’s interest in and apparent sway over Dr. Graves. His feelings for her may interfere with his analysis of the situation – he is still a very inexperienced agent.

[Mona Miller]

Revised Day 12 Assignment

· ASSIGNMENT:

· Mona’s list of important clues and reveals (Day 12)

· What I learned is that I need to never lose the big picture. I must not give up!

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

2. The main mysteries in “The Ascent” are

a. What is going on with these high-end mountain climbing expeditions, with their “humanitarian mission” to help indigenous villagers high up in the mountains. Is it really that, or is it a coverup for something nefarious, like a way of smuggling guns, ammunition, materiel and people to a terrorist training camp?

b. Who is Ali Patel? Is he Brett Dean’s target, or the sophisticated worldly climber who happened to take over the Expedition Leader role after the EL’s “accident?”

c. Was the Expedition Leader deliberately eliminated, or was it truly an accident?

d. What message did the Expedition Leader send just before his accident (that seemed to give him some satisfaction) and to whom?

e. Is Dr. Liza Graves someone to trust? What does she want?

f. Even after Brett Dean figures out who Ali Patel is, how can he safely get back down the mountain? Whom can he trust? Are they surrounded by terrorists on their trek?

List of Reveals by Character: Expedition Leader and Ali Patel

A. E.L. and Patel meet to discuss each member of the expedition and go over their files on each climber. We see how corrupt each man really is when they’re alone together.

B. The Reveal is that the two know each other very well and the E.L. is subject to Patel’s power. The Reveal is also that there is something fundamentally wrong about these climbs. These treks cannot be what they seem.

C. It was covered up because in all public interactions, Patel treats the E.L. very professionally and with some distance – not as if he is an underling. Patel’s control of the Expedition Touring Company is a secret, and the real function of the treks is a secret.

D. When Patel doesn’t get the full dossier he expects about this new climber who’s joined the trek at the last minute (our Hero) he blows up at E.L. E.L. is very scared, really nervous; the character’s whole emotional state shifts. E.L. later jokes with Hero about whether he’ll ever be able to enjoy the bonus deposited in his offshore bank account by Hero [a black humor clue] and Hero wonders why E.L. is so nervous. [E.L. is later injured in a strange climbing accident, and then killed when someone blows up the med-evac helicopter.]

E. E.L. sends off some kind of message using the sat phone when Patel isn’t looking, after Patel has totally clobbered him with criticism. We know the message has something to do with Dr. Graves (whom E.L. obviously likes) but we don’t know what it is. (E.L. is looking at her dossier and smiling as he sends the message.) [Later we find that E.L. protected Dr. G in the terrorist village.]

Ali Patel and various other characters

A. Ali Patel is intrigued with Dr. Graves and sees how a woman with her skillset could be very useful to his operation. He also finds her very attractive. He never mixes business with pleasure, but she is tempting. He wants to know more about her. He senses that she is withholding something. He pursues her in the hope that she’ll open up. She’s clearly interested in his employment proposals. He would like the connection to be more. What is keeping her from falling for him? In his experience, that is very rare.

B. Patel is impressed with Brett Dean’s climbing skills but worried about who he really is. Dean is young to be on this expensive climb, he doesn’t seem to have real money but he’s there, and he’s competition for Dr. Graves. But Dean isn’t going after Dr. Graves the way Patel would have expected. Why not? Who is this Brett Dean? Why did he show up so late? Why has he been so generous, by offering his private sat phone to everyone? Why did he conceal its existence for so long? Why didn’t he tell everyone that the Expedition Leader and everyone on the med-evac chopper had gone down?

C. The dark-haired woman annoys Ali. She seems critical, he feels that. She botches her surveillance of Dr. Graves and now Dr. Graves is mad at her – the whole point was that those two should become friends. The dark-haired woman botched her assignment, but she acts as if Ali Patel is the one in trouble. Is she more powerful than Pate realized? Is his position within the terrorist organization in jeopardy? Does the leadership share her criticism that he acts too “Western?” Does she represent a different faction? Should he no longer trust her? Patel may start drinking less, socializing yes, being more remote from others, in response to the dark-haired woman’s implicit criticism of his lifestyle.

Brett Dean, CIA Agent (Hero)

D. The expedition members have been told their sat phone (which Patel has) no longer works. Everyone is extremely worried about being cut off from loved ones, business. Some people want to stop the expedition and go down the mountain, which would interfere with the Hero’s mission.

E. To keep his mission going, help the group and calm people down, Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. He doesn’t say why. [It was necessary for his CIA mission.] Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news. Dean does not yet know Patel is his target, but Patel now realizes Dean is dangerous and definitely not a friend.

F. Later, Brett Dean reveals that, contrary to what Patel told the group, the E.L. never made it to a hospital, nor did anyone on the med-evac helicopter. It must have crashed. Patel smoothly lies to everyone that he knew this but wanted to keep up their spirits and their focus on the climb. Dr. G supports his emphasis on focus and not making mistakes during this dangerous climb, leading Brett Dean to distrust her. She is truly concerned about the group’s safety. She overheard suspicious communications in Arabic between Patel and others, but doesn’t trust anyone, so she doesn’t reveal what she heard or her knowledge of Arabic.

Mysterious Dark-Haired Woman

A. The Reveal is that she is not the sophisticated, worldly femme fatale she pretends to be. That is just a cover.

B. When alone with the non-drinking staff member, who has been working for Ali Patel and the fundamentalist Islamic cause for a long time, she admits she admires his sobriety and seriousness. She likes him (very rare for her) and opens up a little.

C. This staff member later kills her because she demonstrated disloyalty to the leader (Ali Patel) by criticizing his “Western” vices. [Staff member was taken in by her cover identity; doesn’t understand how complex she is.]

A. Later in the movie, the dark-haired woman seems relieved that Hero and Dr. G. killed Patel. Why? Will she have more power in the terrorist organization with Patel gone? Was she afraid of Patel? Is she disloyal to everyone?

B. She tells some of the sherpas, including the one she had the personal conversation with, that Patel is dead at the hands of Brett and Dr. G. Most seem appalled. She tells them that she is the next person to take on Patel’s power. He selected her. A few of them seem sympathetic, agree that Patel was a ruthless killer who made no exceptions, and hope for a better quality of leadership. Trying to seem agreeable to them (they make her nervous), she betrays her usual black and white view of the world, and agrees he could have been kinder in his judgments, and was too influenced by these rich westerners.

C. They kill her. [Twist; R] He would never have picked a woman to lead them and she dared to criticize him.

Dr. Liza Graves

A. When treating the seriously injured E.L. in the medical tent, Dr. Graves hears Ali Patel talking to sherpas in Arabic (which she understands). She’s troubled by their conversation, but doesn’t share her concerns with anyone, even Brett (Hero). He also overhears part of the conversation, knows it’s not “Urdu” as Ali Patel tells him, but doesn’t understand any of it. Dr. Graves and Brett almost talk to each other, but each avoids revealing what he knows. Not exactly a “Reveal” but a moment when two characters who have much in common could have connected but didn’t. Later on, after much death and destruction, they do share this with each other – and we learn that Dr. G was lured by possibilities of lucrative and interesting employment, paying off her debt, and both were in “I can’t trust anybody” mode.

B. Brett is really surprised at how independent, capable and brave Dr. G is. He feels he shouldn’t have let her go to the village alone. We find out E.L. protected her with his last-minute message to the terrorist training camp. E.L. was sure Patel was going to have him killed and didn’t want more people to get killed.

Which of the subsidiary characters can be trusted? [How to safely descend]

Offer them the chance to use the sat phone and see whom they contact?

Offer them the chance to stay in the village and a later expedition will take them down?

See who runs away from the now decimated group, even though they’re all much more likely to descend safely staying together?

See which people are willing to help others, and which refuse?

[Mona Miller]

· Mona Miller’s list of important reveals

· What I learned is that I find it really, really difficult to “reverse engineer” the story to include these things. I’m doing my best, but this is hard. I wish I could see an example of a “Thriller Map.” I’m confused.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

List of Reveals by Character: Expedition Leader and Ali Patel

A. E.L. and Patel meet to discuss each member of the expedition and go over their files on each climber. We see how corrupt each man really is when they’re alone together.

B. The Reveal is that the two know each other very well and the E.L. is subject to Patel’s power.

C. It was covered up because in all public interactions, Patel treats the E.L. very professionally and with some distance – not as if he is an underling. Patel’s control of the Expedition Touring Company is a secret.

D. Later, when Patel doesn’t get the full dossier he expects about this new climber who’s joined the trek at the last minute (our Hero) he blows up at E.L. and E.L. is very scared, really nervous. E.L. later jokes with Hero about whether he’ll ever be able to enjoy the bonus deposited in his offshore bank account by Hero and Hero wonders why E.L. is so nervous. [E.L. is later injured in a strange climbing accident, and then killed when someone blows up the med-evac helicopter.]

E. E.L. sends off some kind of message using the sat phone when Patel isn’t looking, after Patel has totally clobbered him with criticism and E.L. knows Patel is probably going to eliminate him. We know the message has something to do with Dr. Graves (whom E.L. obviously likes) but we don’t know what it is. (E.L. is looking at her dossier and smiling as he sends the message.) [Later we find that E.L. protected Dr. G in the terrorist village.]

Brett Dean, CIA Agent (Hero)

A. The expedition members have been told their sat phone (which Patel has) no longer works. Everyone is extremely worried about being cut off from loved ones, business. Some people want to stop the expedition and go down the mountain, which would interfere with the Hero’s mission.

B. To help the group and calm people down, Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. He doesn’t say why. [It was necessary for his CIA mission.] Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news. Dean does not yet know Patel is his target, but Patel now realizes Dean is dangerous and definitely not a friend.

C. Later, Brett Dean reveals that contrary to what Patel told the group, the E.L. never made it to a hospital, nor did anyone on the med-evac helicopter. It must have crashed. Patel smoothly lies to everyone that he knew this but wanted to keep up their spirits and their focus on the climb. Dr. G supports his emphasis on focus and not making mistakes during this dangerous climb, leading Brett Dean to distrust her. She is truly concerned about the group’s safety.

Mysterious Dark-Haired Woman

A. The Reveal is that she is not the sophisticated, worldly femme fatale she pretends to be. That is just a cover.

B. When alone with the non-drinking staff member, who has been working for Ali Patel and the fundamentalist Islamic cause for a long time, she admits she admires his sobriety and seriousness. She likes him (very rare for her) and opens up a little.

C. This staff member later kills her because she demonstrated disloyalty to the leader (Ali Patel) by criticizing his “Western” vices. [Staff member was taken in by her cover identity; doesn’t understand how complex she is.]

D. Later in the movie, the dark-haired woman seems relieved that Hero and Dr. G. killed Patel. Why? Will she have more power in the terrorist organization with Patel gone? Was she afraid of Patel? Is she disloyal to everyone?

E.. She tells some of the sherpas, including the one she had the personal conversation with, that Patel is dead at the hands of Brett and Dr. G. Most seem appalled. She tells them that she is the next person to take on Patel’s power. He selected her. A few of them seem sympathetic, agree that Patel was a ruthless killer who made no exceptions, and hope for a better quality of leadership. Trying to seem agreeable to them (they make her nervous), she betrays her usual black and white view of the world, and agrees he could have been kinder in his judgments, and was too influenced by these rich westerners.

F. They kill her. [Twist; R] He would never have picked a woman to lead them and she dared to criticize him.

Dr. Liza Graves

A. When treating the seriously injured E.L. in the medical tent, Dr. Graves hears Ali Patel talking to sherpas in Arabic (which she understands). She’s troubled by their conversation, but doesn’t share her concerns with anyone, even Brett (Hero). He also overhears part of the conversation, knows it’s not “Urdu” as Ali Patel tells him, but doesn’t understand any of it. They almost talk to each other, but each avoids revealing what he knows. Not exactly a “Reveal” but a moment when two characters who have much in common could have connected but didn’t. Later on, after much death and destruction, they do share this with each other – and we learn that Dr. G was lured by possibilities of employment, paying off her debt, and Brett was in “I can’t trust anybody” mode.

B. Brett is really surprised at how independent, capable and brave Dr. G is. He feels he shouldn’t have let her go to the “indigenous village” [cover for a terrorist training camp] alone. We find out E.L. protected her with his last minute message to the terrorist training camp. E.L. was sure Patel was going to have him killed and didn’t want more people to get killed.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Trust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is that I continue to be confused about the difference between the “Thriller Map” and a detailed outline. Obviously the way characters relate to each other is critical, and I can see that levels of trust and distrust within the relationship are particularly pertinent for thrillers.

I put the new trust/distrust steps in red in my Thriller Map. I’m not sure I’m really getting this.

Mona Miller’s Trust Roles Assignment [Assignment #10]

Hero, Brett Dean (young CIA operative)

Trustable, but trained to lie. Seems trustworthy but isn’t, as he is a professional liar, a spy. For the right cause/people, he is totally trustworthy.

Likes and trusts Expedition Leader (who is fundamentally untrustworthy) because he let hero join the trek at the last minute, with a flimsy cover, for a bribe. They bond over love of climbing.

Feels badly when E.L. almost dies, tries to save him.

Hero likes and trusts Patel, who pays for medical evac helicopter for E.L. [until the hero finds out helicopter crashed with all on board]

Lies to entire group about having a satellite phone, until it’s really needed.

Doesn’t confide in Dr. G because he suspects her, losing her trust.

Tries to appeal to Ali Patel as part of his cover, and really likes Patel for a while, bonding over love of climbing, not realizing Patel is his target.

Unable to leave Patel, his prisoner, he has to trust Dr. G to go to the village, and scope it out. When she escapes, even after Patel warns the villagers who she really is, Hero again distrusts Dr. G, not realizing her own medical and personal skills enabled her to escape, since some of the villagers (women and children) really needed her help. He underestimated Dr. G.

Villain, Ali Patel – Seems trustworthy, and his “cover identity” makes him popular, charismatic, sought after. He excels at charming people. He is not trustworthy at all. He is a terrorist, who finances an immense empire of terror. He is a brutal boss. He admires physical prowess and climbing talent.

Trusted, but shouldn’t be.

He bonds with the hero, as they are both physically adventurous and fit.

He is entirely true to his ruthless reputation in getting rid of the Expedition Leader, whom Hero saves from certain death, ruining Patel’s plan to get rid of E.L. E.L’s file on Hero is inadequate, leading Patel to distrust Hero.

Patel loses dark-haired woman’s trust by flirting and acting too western with Dr. G., and being willing to have Dr. G. become regular medical doctor for “villagers” who are trainees in the terrorist camp.

Patel loses dark-haired woman’s trust by not being super-devoted to welfare of people in terrorist training camp (in her opinion).

Red Herring Character: Expedition Leader

Not trustworthy, but very likable and charming. Has been skimming off the Expedition Tour Company for years, knowing that if Patel or one of the other top men in the organization finds out it’s over for him. He’s addicted to risk. He’s a gambler, and needs the money he skims to pay off gambling debts. He loves famous people and flatters them – good for the tour company, and inflates EL’s ego. The famous people like him too.

He let Hero go on expedition, despite Hero’s flimsy cover story, accepted bribe to get him on at last moment.

Hero trusts him because he got him on the trek. Hero doesn’t realize it was for the money. Hero feels responsible when E.L. falls and almost dies.

Another Red Herring, the Dark woman: (Aisha? Khadija?): Her cover is to be a sophisticated, wealthy, worldly, single woman, capable of entering into intimate relationships or not. In fact she is a diehard Islamic fundamentalist who despises these rich people and their escapades. She is deeply committed to her cause. She is quite trustworthy when it comes to completing her mission or other assignments. Otherwise, she is not trustworthy at all. If she thought one of the leaders of the terrorist group was straying over to capitalistic/western tendencies, she’d kill him herself. For her, right and wrong are clear, black and white. Loyalty is everything to her.

Dark woman at first trusts and likes Dr. G because she will help the terrorist camp people.

Dark woman loses Dr. G’s trust because she’s caught searching through her belongings when they share a tent.

Dark woman loses respect for Ali Patel because he’s becoming too westernized and too close with Dr. G.

Crew member who never drinks (Pascal?) – he’s low on the totem pole, very loyal to Ali Patel and the group up on the mountain in the training camp. He does his job. He’s a decent guy, quite trustworthy. He really thinks he’s helping people. He believes the jihadi philosophy. Totally loyal to Patel. Helps kill the dark-haired woman at the end because of her perceived disloyalty to Patel.

The climber who insists on going back in the med-evac helicopter with the wounded Expedition Leader: Decent, trustworthy guy, but somewhat self-centered. If he can get out of something difficult, he’ll take the easy route. He feels insecure about his climbing expertise. He foolishly trusts Patel and takes the helicopter ride back with the injured E.L. He ignores Patel’s hints that it isn’t necessary to travel back, the helicopter crew will make sure E.L. receives good care at hospital.

Dr. Liza Graves – ER doctor, crushed by debt, enticed to go on this wonderful climb because they said they’d pay for everything if she’d treat the indigenous people in the villages at the top of the mountain. She’s been working really hard and could never afford a vacation like this, so she leaps at the opportunity. She’s fundamentally trustworthy, but has major money problems, doesn’t want the other travelers to know she’s not paying for her place on this trip, and she’s been so buried in medical school and now practicing medicine she hasn’t had time for many relationships, so she’s relatively inexperienced. If someone really wounds her emotionally, she will lose control. The ability to wipe out all her medical school debt is horribly tempting. She might close her eyes to some issues if she could get the money to get rid of that debt. She enjoys being a doctor and truly wants to help people. She will not stand for actions that kill or hurt people.

Patel woos her with his promises of lucrative employment and free flights home.

She admires Patel spending money to transport the injured E.L. home.

Brett Dean is appealing but she finds him untrustworthy, doesn’t open up to him about her suspicions about Patel and what is going on under the cover of this trek – then she becomes angry that Dean didn’t trust her, and tell her earlier about his role, his having a sat phone, etc.

Both Patel and Dean don’t seem as responsible in climbing as she would like – they appear to not be super interested in the maps, plans, etc. (Or so she thinks.)

Mr. Pershing, member of Trek who discovers the guns and ammo in the boxes – Trustworthy but too unsuspicious. He talks to too many people, tells them what he found, so he gets killed. Foolishly trusting of others.

Here comes my revised thriller map: Updated Thriller Map as of June 4, 2022

Mona Miller’s Trust Relationships

LTS = Life Threatening Situation

M = Mystery

VP = Villain’s Plan

The Ascent

1. Opening – Appears to be extreme mountain climbing situation, very dangerous. Four people linked by ropes, in harnesses, on steep rocky outcrop. Swinging back and forth. Have to swing out of sight. Pulling each other up, really feeling the body weights of each other. Only one woman, Dr. Liza Graves, and she’s taller and heavier than some of the men in the group who have to pull her up and don’t look too pleased about it. Ali Patel pulls her up easily and seems happy to have her there, gaining her trust. The Expedition Leader helps everyone, seems very trustworthy and capable, points out ways for other climbers to improve their technique. He gains the confidence of Dr. Graves and several other climbers. Seeming LTS, but it’s just practice.

2. We pull back a little. We see repeats of the action, with different people pulling the weight of different people. Pulling back further, we realize this is a practice session. [TWIST]

3. Entire mountain climbing group together in an expensive mountain hotel. We meet the climbers over cocktails. Two of the crew do not drink. The men all seem wealthy, sophisticated, mostly late 30s, 40s, 50s. There is a quiet, dark, mysterious woman. She says very little. She’s a contrast to Dr. Liza Graves, who is open, friendly, American. The Expedition Leader (head of the Extreme Mountain Climbing Expedition Company), whom many climbers recognize, is a very experienced climber. The level of curiosity the different members of the team express about the maps of the terrain varies greatly. Some climbers wonder why others ask so many questions, rather than simply relying on the E.L. The dark mysterious woman seems to distrust people who ask too many questions. Patel seemingly welcomes the questions, although he often doesn’t really answer them and feigns to be a mere student, like the others. Unbeknownst to the others, the E.L. knowingly works with the terrorists – as long as they pay, it’s fine with him, [M] One more day of acclimating to the altitude, and then we’ll go! [VP].

4. The Expedition Leader and Ali Patel engage with each other as if not particularly well acquainted in front of the entire mountaineering group. M; VP.

5. In private, later, the Expedition Leader and Patel go over files concerning each climber on the E.L.’s phone. Patel is clearly familiar with some of the info. He’s evaluating how well the dossier on each climber has been prepared. This also introduces each climber, in crass, material terms (what his business is, what he’s worth, why he’s on the trip, what his weaknesses are). VP; M.

6. The next day, at the practice session, there’s a new, absolutely incredible climber, Brett Dean (mid to late 20s, very handsome, our HERO). He puts the others to shame during the practice – incredibly strong, agile, graceful climber. Patel expresses appreciation for his climbing expertise. [TWIST – Villain likes the hero.] Dean and Patel bond over their shared passion and tremendous expertise in climbing.

7. E.L. uses a hotel computer to check a Swiss Bank account. There’s been a very recent and substantial deposit. [M]

8. Later that night, in private, Patel asks E.L. where are the files on this new guy? Patel blows up at E.L. [Mystery – what is true relationship between these two?] Where’s the last minute climber from? E.L. jokes nervously that Brett works at Langley. Not funny, says Patel, who’s very angry. [VP; something going wrong] Patel’s feelings for the E.L. have changed. He doesn’t trust him now.

9. Next day the whole troupe studies the planned climb. Who’s in charge (E.L.), who’s second in command if E.L. can’t act (Patel), schedule, locations, maps/charts/photos/brochures, sleeping arrangements, supplies. Sherpas/porters will carry food, water, equipment, etc. Patel acts as if his relationship with E.L. is purely professional – he seems much more distant than when he’s alone with E.L., whom he obviously knows very well and treats like an underling. [M, VP.] Communications will be by sat phone, in custody of E.L. No possibility of chopper evacuation once they start – terrain is too difficult. This is luxury extreme mountain climbing with a humanitarian element: Medical assistance mission to help remote “villagers” way up in the mountains. [VP] When we reach the villages, we’ll provide necessary medical supplies, Dr. Graves will tend to the needs of the people there, we’ll take down with us any villagers who need medical help or treatment down here. [VP] Then we’ll all descend and get back here. Need to avoid seasonal storms [introduce third act driver; time element] – whole climb should be done in 6 to 8 days, including an overnight not far from the villagers. But we’ll have our own encampment – and it will be luxurious and comfortable! This is like the mountain climbing version of “glamping.” The dark mysterious woman pretends that all this medical humanitarian stuff is a bore, not glamorous or exciting. In fact, she’s carefully observing who seems interested and who is really paying attention. She sees that Dr. Graves and Brett Dean are both very interested in the help to the indigenous people on the mountaintop [for very different reasons].

10. Day 1 of the actual climb. All goes well. Brett flirts with Dr. Graves, who ignores him. Brett thanks the E.L. for letting him join at the last minute. When he thinks they are totally alone (but in fact the dark haired woman hears them, and so does the non-drinking crew member) E.L. says he appreciates the “tip” Brett provided. “Just hope I get to enjoy it.” (Brett wonders why E.L. seems nervous.) M,VP. The dark-haired woman talks to the non-drinking crew member – she seems like a different person, serious, and he listens to her carefully.

11. [INCITING INCIDENT] E.L. seems nervous, pre-occupied. They’re stretched out, crossing one deep break in the ridge, attached by ropes. It’s a long way down this one break if you fall. Suddenly E.L. falls. Looks like he might take people with him; they’re busy clutching on to the mountainside, including the dark-haired woman. Somehow, E.L.’s rope disengages from others and he tumbles down terrible distance, screaming. Rope failure? Equipment lock failure? [VP – eliminate disloyal or incompetent employees] Brett Dean detaches himself from others, follows him, using an axe and hand climbing holds, [LTS] and somehow manages to carry EL’s broken body back up. The dark-haired woman observes carefully. EL almost died, is in bad shape. [LTS]

12. Quick establishment of medical emergency tent. The dark-haired woman talks to Patel and then leaves. Patel smoothly takes charge. Dr. Graves works hard to examine E.L., who’s moaning, semi-conscious. Patel generously offers to contact med-evac chopper service, help E.L. [VP] Everyone working rapidly together to try to help E.L. All impressed with Patel’s offer. There is some conversation in a foreign language between Patel and some of the “sherpas” as Dr. Graves works on E.L. Dr. Graves seems a bit troubled by conversation, or maybe it’s her concern over E.L. being so seriously injured. [M] Using their portable sat-phone, Patel summons chopper. Another climber volunteers to go back with TA – he’s not conscious, someone should be with him. Patel says that’s not necessary, the crew will take care of him when they land, they know what to do. Climber insists.

13. Chopper arrives. Pilot seems to know Patel. They load in broken body of E.L. on a gurney, along with nice passenger. Patel puts something in the chopper as it takes off.

14. Nice passenger chats to unconscious E.L., tells him everything will be okay. Pilot seems unnerved that E.L. had this kind of accident – he’s such a great climber. [M] Passenger agrees, I shouldn’t have signed on for this – too hard for me. I’m glad to be going home. From now on, I’ll just enjoy the views from aircraft.

15. Patel, in private, presses a device.

16. The chopper, far away from the pickup point, blows up, killing everyone on board. [End of Act 1] [Twist]

Act 2 – Expedition continues

17. Very tense dinner in tent. How could their experienced Expedition Leader have fallen? Some want to look at his equipment. Not clear what happened to it. [VP] Patel discourages questioning, is very controlling. [VP] Dr. Graves is his ally – we mustn’t lose focus. [M; Twist] Can’t afford to make mistakes, look what happened to a very experienced climber like the E.L. Dark-haired woman says she’s found a flask – smells it – she thinks E.L. was drinking while he was climbing. All act shocked – very foolish and out of character for a good climber.

18. Everyone goes to bed nervous in his/her own tent.

19. Next day they have a great day climb. People are more upbeat. Patel seems in good form, and the dark-haired woman is back to her flirtatious, sophisticated persona.

20. At dinner, someone asks how E.L. is doing. Patel tells them he’s been told that he’s going to get better, will recover. Brett Dean seems upset by this, says nothing. [M] Dark-haired woman seems displeased with the news or with Patel – not clear. She doesn’t seem happy that E.L. is doing well.

21. Patel and Dr. Graves spend some time together, Patel seems more relaxed. He tells her about villagers’ needs. Dr. Graves assumes boxes they’re bringing up with them are to supply villagers. What’s in them? Could she see? Patel seems very open about it. Rather than disturb carefully packed boxes, he gives her manifests that purport to disclose contents. [VP; M] Patel asks if she’d like to continue working with the villagers when they get there – she could come down later, with a subsequent trek. Patel says if she’s doing more work, helping more villagers, she’ll be paid more. He admits close relationship with Expedition Touring Company. Also, they will cover her return flight to Colorado. He’s honing in on her weakness (she’s desperate to pay off a mountain of debt). She reads him as if he is being a fair, honest businessman. [VP]

22. Dr. Graves intrigued by offer, but is supposed to return to her ER job in Colorado – after her vacation.

23. Brett Dean seems jealous of Patel. Also suspicious of Dr. Graves.

24. Some climbers are rather depressed or nervous, want to go home, worried about E.L. Patel discouraged them from going back with E.L.

25. Next day of climb, Brett Dean feels Dr. Graves out on E.L.’s chances of survival. Poor, but not impossible, she says. Let’s have Patel make another call with sat phone – we’re all worried.

26. Patel announces at dinner that unfortunately E.L. perished from his injuries. Brett Dean seems upset. (M; twist?]

27. Brett Dean tells Dr. G in private that the chopper never made it down the mountain, that E.L. was never in any hospital. How do you know? she asks. He has his own sat phone.

28. Dr. Graves seems very suspicious of everyone. Won’t talk openly to anybody. [Twist]

29. Bad weather leads to loss of some tents and equipment. Have anticipated storms come early? [LTS] This will mean new sleeping arrangements. Where will Dr. Graves end up? Mini-competition among men to share their tents with her. She ends up with dark, mysterious, quiet woman. [M]

30. Brett Dean and Patel end up sharing a tent. Patel questions Brett skillfully but volunteers zero about himself. [VP, M] Patel seems surprised Dean can afford this trek.

31. One of wealthy climbers (Mr. Pershing) expresses curiosity about what’s in the boxes the staff people are lugging up the mountain. Dr. Graves assures him, based on lists shown to her, that it’s antibiotics, antifungals, bandages, supplies for everyday stuff, illnesses, basic operations, anesthesia, etc. Patel volunteers that they provide some food for the villagers, too – they’re so poor, living less than subsistence existence. Canned goods can be very heavy.

32. Leads to discussion of class, productivity, why do these poor people stay up in the mountains if they can’t provide for themselves? Dr. Graves idealistically believes they must want to preserve their indigenous culture, they’re attached to their birthplace, don’t want to leave. Mr. Pershing wants to know what indigenous language they speak. Do they know Spanish? How can you treat them if you can’t communicate with them? Some dissatisfaction within group at Patel’s answers, and with Dr. Graves’ answers. She feels criticized by some of others in the expedition. But Patel is not E.L. he pretends to be experienced climber whom E.L. knew. Nobody knows he in fact controls the luxury tour mountain climbing company, although Dr. Graves knows he has some kind of strong connection with the touring company.. [VP, M]

33. Privately Mr. Pershing wonders that Patel can’t identify the language spoken by the people who are receiving all this largesse courtesy of the climbers, and at the weight of these boxes. There must be something in there besides medical supplies. He goes to look and finds guns! Who has planned this? What’s going on? [M; LTS]

34. Mr. Pershing is concerned. He tells the current expedition leader, Ali Patel. Patel acts shocked, thanks him for the information. But Pershing also tells Dr. Graves and Brett Dean, without mentioning this to Patel. Patel promises Mr. Pershing they will look into this but it’s better not to alarm everyone by the thought that someone is using their trek for a nefarious, gun-running purpose. Could get people unfocused, lead to climbing accidents. Mr. Pershing nervously agrees.

35. More climbing. Patel and Dr. G seem to be getting close. Patel reassures Dr. Graves that they will have local people who can interpret the indigenous people’s language, she’ll be in a position to give proper medical care to the villagers. He praises her climbing ability – says he knows she won’t be distracted by the strange news of what someone found in one of the boxes. It must be an isolated problem, according to Patel.

36. Brett and others suggest changing the order – spread out the top climbers. Don’t bunch them up at the front. [M]

37. Mr. Pershing dies in a freak fire in his tent later that night. His portable heater exploded. [M; VP; LTS]

38. Mr. Pershing’s companion on the trip is very upset and suspicious. Pershing never used a heater, even on incredibly cold climbs. Had his own custom sleeping bag, fur-lined.

39. At breakfast, Dr. G is very cold toward the mysterious woman she’s shared a tent with. Brett Dean notices. Dr. G tells Brett that she saw the woman going through her stuff when she thought Dr. G was sleeping. [M; VP]

40. New problem with food and water contamination and shortages. Rationing instituted at joint insistence of Ali Patel and Dr. Graves. Each sees a need for this kind of approach to protect the climbing group. Some climbers wonder if some people are hoarding food and clean water. Distrust within group. [M; VP] People no longer always taking their meals together. Some people collect their less than luxurious rations and eat alone or in small groups in their tents. Patel takes advantage of this to try to get closer to Dr. Graves. He tells her a few things about his earlier life and education.

41. More equipment failures, near fatalities. [LTS] Some climbers feel as if this expedition is cursed. Dr. G busy attending to scrapes, bruises, etc. The mood of the group is becoming more tense and negative.

42. Dr. G very busy in medical tent every day after they climb. They’re behind schedule now. Some people are super sick, others seem fine. What’s going on? The workers who carry their stuff are all fine – they never get sick. Dr. G insists on examining some – she doesn’t want to just be doctor for the rich tourists. She hears them speak Arabic. The small, quiet member of the crew who never drinks alcohol is grateful for her medical attention. He likes and trusts her.

43. Patel tells them the expedition sat phone doesn’t work reliably. [VP; M; potential LTS]

44. Mini-mutiny – some people want to return, others want to continue. We didn’t agree to be completely out of communication! But there’s an important humanitarian mission – to help the villagers, and we can still make this fantastic climb, Patel argues.

45. Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. They can use his to call their loved ones. Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news. Dr. G. feels less trust for Dean – he didn’t tell her this before.

46. Brett Dean tells the other climbers that E.L. never made it to any hospital – the chopper must have crashed – nobody ever heard from the E.L. or from the passenger who went down with him. Climbers are very mad at Patel for lying to them earlier and acting as if E.L. made it to the hospital.

47. Patel smoothly lies and tells them he lied to keep up their spirits. [VP] It would have spoiled the whole trek if right at the beginning they’d heard about the chopper crash. Better to have hope and believe in expedition. Most don’t believe him.

48. Dr. G tells Brett Dean some things about Patel that Patel shared with her. She also tells him the “villagers” returning to their base don’t speak Spanish, but Arabic! Patel’s background and experience get Dean to wondering if Patel be his target. The CIA doesn’t know what Patel looks like, and the intelligence Brett was given was that he was in the camp up on the mountain already. Brett is surprised to see that his target may in fact be on this climb with him. He doesn’t tell Dr. G. what he thinks of Patel. [M; VP; LTS; Twist] Brett really likes Dr. G, but is concerned about how she often agrees with Ali Patel. Also, she demonstrated tremendous interest in the maps and the indigenous village. Why? [He doesn’t know she’s being paid to provide medical care to the people in the villages, or that she didn’t have to pay to go on the expedition.] He’s wondering if she can be trusted.

Act 3

49. They are getting very close to the destination – the “indigenous village” [a Potemkin village which is actually the cover for the nearby terrorist training camp, which is concealed in a ravine]. Extremely difficult climb – have to descend into a hidden valley. Slippery, difficult descent. One has to rely on his fellow climber. Is each climber going to help his team mate? Are some of them killers? Climb cannot be done solo. [LTS; M; VP] Dr. Graves refuses to be a climbing buddy with the dark-haired woman but won’t say why. Dr. Graves is such a good climber she can’t be paired with Patel – they each need to help weaker climbers. So Dr. Graves won’t end up with Brett either, although he would like to be able to talk to her privately. Graves and Hero are both very nervous about the climbers with whom they are paired.

50. Hero discovers that Patel is armed! Who will help Hero trap Patel? Can he count on Dr. Graves? [LTS]

51. Dramatic fight between Hero and Patel. [LTS] Hero captures, subdues Patel – with Dr. Graves’ help. Patel is tied up.

52. Lackeys of Patel flee when Patel is captured. In their haste, some fall to their deaths. [LTS]

53. Hero Bret still doesn’t totally trust Dr. Graves but has no choice. He is supposed to find out exact location of terrorist training camp, number of men, layout, etc. He will stay and keep watch over Patel, whom he realizes is his target. Hero decides to keep Patel alive rather than assassinating him, as instructed. [Twist] Hero is not sure whom in the expedition he can rely on.

54. Hero acts as if he will go to village alone, leaving Patel under Dr. G’s care. Dr. Graves convinces him to let her go [Twist?], deal with medical needs of the “villagers” and she’ll note the layout, how many people, etc. (Important information Brett was supposed to get.)

55. Hero watches over Patel. Hero leaves briefly to check on gear, food, water. Patel manages to communicate with villagers (using Brett’s stolen sat phone) – putting Dr. Graves in serious danger. Brett somehow learns of this communication. [M] Will “villagers” kill her? [LTS]

56. Brett overcomes Patel, ties him up, worried about what may await Dr. G, tries to get to village.

57. Dr. Graves cleverly protects herself, some of the “villagers” really do need her medical expertise, she speaks Arabic [Twist] and can communicate with them. There are women and children in the village, not just fighting age men. Are they hostages? Are they there willingly? (M) Some of them really need medical attention, and they help protect Dr. Graves, who instinctively wants to help them. The male fighters want their women and kids to receive much needed medical attention, so they don’t attack Dr. Graves. She escapes, meets Brett on the way back. Brett fills her in on his identity (CIA spy). Dr. G has a negative reaction to Brett not telling her his true identity earlier. They return to the subdued Patel. Brett still a little nervous about whether Dr. G will help him. Maybe she’s in cahoots with Patel? She got out of village successfully without his help. Now she’s mad at him for not trusting her before.

58. Dark-haired mysterious woman plants doubts about Dr. G. in Brett’s mind. Maybe she tells Brett about how Patel wooed Dr. G with idea that she could serve in terrorist camp longer, make money, get free flight home. She’s not what she seems. [Red Herring; Twist] Hero wonders if Dr. G made up story about dark-haired woman going through her things.

59. Hero must decide whether to fill in the few remaining climbers with the information he and Dr. G have uncovered or to leave them in the dark. Can all the climbers trust each other? [M] Can Hero trust Dr. G? [M] Is Dr. G. working undercover for Patel, like the dark-haired woman Dr. G. used to share a tent with? Hero has suspicions over Dr. G’s successful “escape” from the villagers. Surely other climbers won’t accept it if Hero assassinates Patel.

60. Hero and Dr. Graves push Patel off the mountain to his [presumed] death. Dark-haired woman secretly watches them. Hero and Dr. Graves know the whole crew would have to untie Patel to make the descent, and they don’t trust him. They’re in a hurry to get back down the mountain, with the contraband, they can’t carry all of it. They hide it, and take some of it as samples. The seasonal storms are about to hit – if they don’t descend now they won’t make it. [LTS]

61. Dark-haired woman seems relieved that they killed Patel. Why? Will she have more power in the terrorist organization with Patel gone? Was she afraid of Patel? Is she disloyal to everyone?

62. She tells some of the sherpas that Patel is dead. Some of them seem sympathetic at first, agree that Patel was a ruthless killer, made no exceptions. Trying to seem agreeable to them (they make her nervous), she betrays her usual black and white view of the world, and agrees he could have been kinder in his judgments. The sherpas kill her. [Twist]

63. They arrive back at the base camp, a smaller group, exhausted, and hero realizes that the sherpas must have killed the dark-haired woman – so this whole mission has included terrorists from the “village.” They get the local authorities to try to arrest these sherpas, who have disappeared. Our hero and Dr. Graves now know exactly where the terrorist camp is, but neither wants to go back there any time soon. Too many awful memories of people dying.

[Mona Miller]

Day 9 Assignment, Twists and Turns

What I learned is that I’m having a hard time breaking things down. Everything is bleeding into everything else. I revised my Day 8 assignment and added twists, which I marked.

Mona Miller’s Revised Day 8 Assignment to Post – Thriller Plot, updated to Day 9.

LTS = Life Threatening Situation

M = Mystery

VP = Villain’s Plan

The Ascent

1. Opening – Appears to be extreme mountain climbing situation, very dangerous. Four people linked by ropes, in harnesses, on steep rocky outcrop. Swinging back and forth. Have to swing out of sight. Pulling each other up, really feeling the body weights of each other. Only one woman, Dr. Liza Graves, and she’s taller and heavier than some of the men in the group who have to pull her up and don’t look too pleased about it. Seeming LTS, but it’s just practice.

2. We pull back a little. We see repeats of the action, with different people pulling the weight of different people. Pulling back further, we realize this is a practice session. [TWIST]

3. Entire mountain climbing group together in an expensive mountain hotel. We meet the climbers over cocktails. Two of the crew do not drink. The men all seem wealthy, sophisticated, mostly late 30s, 40s, 50s. There is a quiet, dark, mysterious woman. She says very little. She’s a contrast to Dr. Liza Graves, who is open, friendly, American. The Expedition Leader (head of the Extreme Mountain Climbing Expedition Company, whom many climbers recognize, is a very experienced climber. Unbeknownst to the others, he knowingly works with the terrorists – as long as they pay, it’s fine with him, [M] One more day of acclimating to the altitude, and then we’ll go! [VP].

4. The Expedition Leader and Ali Patel engage with each other as if not particularly well acquainted in front of the entire mountaineering group. M; VP.

5. In private, later, the Expedition Leader and Patel go over files concerning each climber on the E.L.’s phone. Patel is clearly familiar with some of the info, only some is new. He’s evaluating how well the dossier on each climber has been prepared. This also introduces each climber, in crass, material terms (what his business is, what he’s worth, why he’s on the trip, what his weaknesses are). VP. M.

6. The next day, at the practice session, there’s a new, absolutely incredible climber, Brett Dean (mid to late 20s, very handsome, our HERO). He puts the others to shame during the practice – incredibly strong, agile, graceful climber. Patel expresses appreciation for his climbing expertise. [TWIST – Villain likes the hero.]

7. E.L. uses a hotel computer to check a Swiss Bank account. There’s been a very recent and substantial deposit. [M]

8. Later that night, in private, Patel asks E.L. where are the files on this new guy? Patel blows up at E.L. [Mystery – what is true relationship between these two?] Where’s the last minute climber from? E.L. jokes nervously that Brett works at Langley. Not funny, says Patel, who’s very angry. [VP; something going wrong] or Twist? E.L. insists that new guy has been thoroughly vetted, he’s entirely trustworthy, he just can’t seem to find the files, but he did go through them. Patel not pleased that everything isn’t documented.

9. Next day the whole troupe studies the planned climb. Who’s in charge (E.L.), who’s second in command if E.L. can’t act (Patel), schedule, locations, maps/charts/photos/brochures, sleeping arrangements, supplies. Sherpas/porters will carry food, water, equipment, etc. In front of others, Patel acts as if his relationship with E.L. is purely professional – he seems much more distant than when he’s alone with E.L., whom he obviously knows very well and treats like an underling. [M, VP.] Communications will be by sat phone, in custody of E.L. No possibility of chopper evacuation once they start – terrain is too difficult. This is luxury extreme mountain climbing with a humanitarian element: Medical assistance mission to help remote “villagers” way up in the mountains. [VP] When we reach the villages, we’ll provide necessary medical supplies, Dr. Graves will tend to the needs of the people there, we’ll take down with us any villagers who need medical help or treatment down here. [VP] Then we’ll all descend and get back here. Need to avoid seasonal storms [introduce third act driver; time element] – whole climb should be done in 6 to 8 days, including an overnight not far from the villagers. But we’ll have our own encampment – and it will be luxurious and comfortable! This is like the mountain climbing version of “glamping.”

10. Day 1 of the actual climb. All goes well. Brett flirts with Dr. Graves, who ignores him. Brett thanks the E.L. for letting him join at the last minute. The E.L. says he appreciates the “tip” Brett provided. “Just hope I get to enjoy it.” (Brett wonders why E.L. seems nervous.) M,VP.

11. [INCITING INCIDENT] E.L. seems nervous, pre-occupied. They’re stretched out, crossing one deep break in the ridge, attached by ropes. It’s a long way down. Suddenly E.L. falls. Looks like he might take people with him; they’re busy clutching on to the mountainside. Somehow, E.L.’s rope disengages from others and he tumbles down terrible distance, screaming. Rope failure? Equipment lock failure? [VP – eliminate disloyal or incompetent employees] Brett Dean detaches himself from others, follows him, using an axe and hand climbing holds, [LTS] and somehow manages to carry TA’s broken body back up. TA almost died, is in bad shape. [LTS]

12. Quick establishment of medical emergency tent. Patel smoothly takes charge. Dr. Graves works hard to examine E.L., who’s moaning, semi-conscious. Patel generously offers to contact med-evac chopper service, help E.L. [VP] Everyone working rapidly together to try to help E.L. All impressed with Patel’s offer. There is some conversation in a foreign language between Patel and some of the “sherpas” as Dr. Graves works on E.L. Dr. Graves seems a bit troubled by conversation, or maybe it’s her concern over E.L. being so seriously injured. [M] Using their portable sat-phone, Patel summons chopper. Another climber volunteers to go back with TA – he’s not conscious, someone should be with him. Patel says that’s not necessary, the crew will take care of him when they land, they know what to do. Climber insists.

13. Chopper arrives. Pilot seems to know Patel. They load in broken body of TA on a gurney, along with nice passenger. Patel puts something in the chopper as it takes off.

14. Nice passenger chats to unconscious E.L., tells him everything will be okay. Pilot seems unnerved that E.L. had this kind of accident – he’s such a great climber. [M] Passenger agrees, I shouldn’t have signed on for this – too hard for me. I’m glad to be going home. From now on, I’ll just enjoy the views from aircraft.

15. Patel, in private, presses a device.

16. The chopper, far away from the pickup point, blows up, killing everyone on board. [End of Act 1] [Twist]

Act 2 – Expedition continues

17. Very tense dinner in tent. How could their experienced Expedition Leader have fallen? Some want to look at his equipment. Not clear what happened to it. [VP] Patel discourages questioning, is very controlling. [VP] Dr. Graves is his ally – we mustn’t lose focus. [M; Twist] Can’t afford to make mistakes, look what happened to a very experienced climber like the E.L.

18. Everyone goes to bed nervous in his/her own tent.

19. Next day they have a great day climb. People become more upbeat.

20. At dinner, someone asks how E.L. is doing. Patel tells them he’s been told that he’s going to get better, will recover. Almost everyone heartened by this but Brett Dean seems upset, says nothing. [M]

21. Patel and Dr. Graves spend some time together, Patel seems more relaxed. He tells her about villagers’ needs. Dr. Graves assumes boxes they’re bringing up with them are to supply villagers. What’s in them? Could she see? Patel seems very open about it. Rather than disturb carefully packed boxes, he gives her manifests that purport to disclose contents. [VP; M] Patel asks if she’d like to continue working with the villagers when they get there – she could come down later, with a subsequent trek. [VP]

22. Dr. Graves intrigued by offer, but is supposed to return to her ER job in Colorado – after her vacation. Patel will continue to try to seduce her into working as a doctor in future.

23. Brett Dean seems jealous of Patel. Also suspicious of Dr. Graves.

24. Some climbers are rather depressed or nervous, want to go home, worried about E.L. Patel discouraged them from going back with E.L.

25. Next day of climb, Brett Dean feels Dr. Graves out on E.L.’s chances of survival. Poor, but not impossible, she says. Let’s have Patel make another call with sat phone – we’re all worried.

26. Patel announces at dinner that unfortunately E.L. perished from his injuries. Brett Dean doesn’t seem surprised or upset. (M; twist?]

27. Brett Dean tells Dr. G in private that the chopper never made it down the mountain, that E.L. was never in any hospital. How do you know? she asks. He admits he has his own sat phone.

28. Dr. Graves seems very suspicious of everyone. Won’t talk openly to anybody. [Twist]

29. Bad weather leads to loss of some tents and equipment. Have anticipated storms come early? [LTS] This will mean new sleeping arrangements. Where will Dr. Graves end up? Mini-competition among men to share their tents with her. She ends up with dark, mysterious, quiet woman. [M]

30. Brett Dean and Patel end up sharing a tent. Patel questions Brett skillfully but volunteers zero about himself. [VP, M] Patel seems surprised Dean can afford this trek.

31. One of wealthy climbers (Mr. Pershing) expresses curiosity about what’s in the boxes the staff people are lugging up the mountain. Dr. Graves assures him, based on lists shown to her, that it’s antibiotics, antifungals, bandages, supplies for everyday stuff, illnesses, basic operations, anesthesia, etc. Patel volunteers that they provide some food for the villagers, too – they’re so poor, living less than subsistence existence. Canned goods can be very heavy.

32. Leads to discussion of class, productivity, why do these poor people stay up in the mountains if they can’t provide for themselves? Dr. Graves idealistically believes they must want to preserve their indigenous culture, they’re attached to their birthplace, don’t want to leave. Mr. Pershing wants to know what indigenous language they speak. Do they know Spanish? How can you treat them if you can’t communicate with them? Some dissatisfaction within group at Patel’s answers. But Patel is not E.L. he pretends to be experienced climber whom E.L. knew. Nobody knows he in fact controls the luxury tour mountain climbing company. [VP, M]

33. Privately Mr. Pershing wonders that Patel can’t identify the language spoken by the people who are receiving all this largesse courtesy of the climbers, and at the weight of these boxes. There must be something in there besides medical supplies. He goes to look and finds guns! Who has planned this? What’s going on? [M; LTS]

34. More climbing. Patel and Dr. G seem to be getting close.

35. Brett and others suggest changing the order – spread out the top climbers. Don’t bunch them up at the front. [M]

36. Mr. Pershing tells Patel he found guns in one of the boxes! Someone is smuggling. Patel acts shocked, thanks him for the information.

37. Mr. Pershing dies in a freak fire in his tent later that night. His portable heater exploded. [M; VP; LTS]

38. Mr. Pershing’s companion on the trip is very upset and suspicious. Pershing never used a heater, even on incredibly cold climbs. Had his own custom sleeping bag, fur-lined.

39. At breakfast, Dr. G is very cold toward the mysterious woman she’s shared a tent with. Brett Dean notices. Dr. G tells Brett that she saw the woman going through her stuff when she thought Dr. G was sleeping. [M; VP]

40. New problem with food and water contamination and shortages. [Twist?] Rationing instituted. Some climbers wonder if some people are hoarding food and clean water. Distrust grows within group. [M; VP]

41. More equipment failures, near fatalities. [LTS] Some climbers feel as if this expedition is cursed. Dr. G busy attending to scrapes, bruises, etc. She’s still suspicious of everyone. Brett Dean can’t get close to her.

42. Dr. G very busy in medical tent after they climb. They’re behind schedule now. Some people are super sick, others seem fine. What’s going on? The workers who carry their stuff are all fine – they never get sick. Dr. G insists on examining some – she doesn’t want to just be doctor for the rich tourists. She hears them speak Arabic. Brett Dean (hero) tries to check out what she’s doing. He’s not sure if she’s on his side or not. [Twist]

43. Patel tells them the expedition sat phone doesn’t work reliably. [VP; M; potential LTS]

44. Mini-mutiny – some people want to return, others want to continue. We didn’t agree to be completely out of communication! But there’s an important humanitarian mission – to help the villagers, and we can still make this fantastic climb, Patel argues.

45. Brett Dean reveals to entire group that he has his own sat phone. They can use his to call their loved ones. Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news.

46. Brett Dean tells the other climbers that E.L. never made it to any hospital – the chopper must have crashed – nobody ever heard from the E.L. or from the passenger who went down with him. Climbers are very mad at Patel for lying to them.

47. Patel smoothly lies and tells them he lied to keep up their spirits. [VP] It would have spoiled the whole trek if right at the beginning they’d heard about the chopper crash. Better to have hope and believe in expedition. Most don’t believe him but also don’t want to think about the chopper crash.

48. Dr. G tells Brett Dean some things about Patel that Patel shared with her. She also tells him the “villagers” returning to their base don’t speak Spanish, but Arabic! Hero feeling a little more confident of Dr. G’s support. Patel’s background and experience get Dean to thinking. Could Patel be his target? He doesn’t tell Dr. G. what he thinks of Patel. [M; VP; LTS; Twist] Nevertheless, she senses the hostility between the two men, fears somebody is going to fall or get killed.

Act 3

49. They are getting very close to the destination – the “indigenous village” [a Potemkin village which is actually the cover for the nearby terrorist training camp, which is concealed in a ravine]. This will be extremely difficult climb – have to descend into a hidden valley. Slippery, difficult descent. One has to rely on his fellow climber. Is each climber going to help his team mate? Are some of them killers? Climb cannot be done solo. [LTS; M; VP]

50. Hero discovers that Patel is armed! Who will help Hero trap Patel? Can he count on Dr. Graves? [LTS]

51. Dramatic fight. [LTS] Hero captures, subdues Patel – with Dr. Graves’ help. Patel is tied up.

52. Lackeys of Patel flee when Patel is captured. In their haste, some fall to their deaths. [LTS]

53. Hero Bret still doesn’t totally trust Dr. Graves but has no choice. He is supposed to find out exact location of terrorist training camp, number of men, layout, etc. He will stay and keep watch over Patel, whom he realizes is his target. Hero decides to keep Patel alive rather than assassinating him, as instructed. [Twist]

54. Hero acts as if he will go to village alone, leaving Patel under Dr. G’s care. Dr. Graves convinces him to let her go [Twist?], deal with medical needs of the “villagers” and she’ll note the layout, how many people, etc. (Important information Brett was supposed to get.)

55. Hero watches over Patel. Hero leaves briefly to check on gear, food, water. Patel manages to communicate with villagers (using Brett’s stolen sat phone) – putting Dr. Graves in serious danger. Brett doesn’t know about this communication. [M] Will “villagers” kill her? [LTS]

56. Brett discovers his sat phone in different space, realizes Patel must have used it, overcomes Patel, ties him up, worried about what may await Dr. G, tries to get to village.

57. Dr. Graves cleverly protects herself, some of the “villagers” really do need her medical expertise, she speaks Arabic [Twist] and can communicate with them. She escapes, meets Brett on the way back. Brett fills her in on his identity (CIA spy). They return to the subdued Patel. Brett still a little nervous about whether Dr. G will help him. Maybe she’s in cahoots with Patel? She got out of village successfully without his help.

58. Dark-haired mysterious woman plants doubts about Dr. G. in Brett’s mind. She’s not what she seems. [Red Herring; Twist]

59. Hero must decide whether to fill in the few remaining climbers with the information he and Dr. G have uncovered or to leave them in the dark. Can all the climbers trust each other? [M] Can Hero trust Dr. G? [M] Is Dr. G. working undercover for Patel, like the dark-haired woman Dr. G. used to share a tent with? Or is the dark-haired woman the one telling the truth? Hero has suspicions over Dr. G’s successful “escape” from the villagers. Surely other climbers won’t accept it if Hero assassinates Patel.

60. Hero and Dr. Graves push Patel off the mountain to his [presumed] death. Dark-haired woman secretly watches them. Hero and Dr. Graves know the whole crew would have to untie Patel to make the descent, and they don’t trust him. They’re in a hurry to get back down the mountain, with the contraband, which they can’t carry all of – they hide it, and take some of it as samples. The seasonal storms are about to hit – if they don’t descend now they won’t make it. [LTS]

61. Dark-haired woman seems relieved that they killed Patel.

62. She tells some of the sherpas that Patel is dead. They kill her. [Twist]

63. They arrive back at the base camp, a smaller group, exhausted, and hero realizes that the sherpas must have killed the dark-haired woman – so this whole mission has included terrorists from the “village.” The get the local authorities to arrest these sherpas.

[Mona Miller]

I posted a few minutes ago and have the same problem I’ve had before – there’s no “done” button to click so it records me as being done.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Day 8 Assignment to Post – Thriller Plot

Looking back at what I’ve done, I can see that I did not separate the Life Threatening situations, the Mysteries and the Villain’s Plan. I’m so far behind, I just want to post this, and fix it later. I wish I could figure out how to use the Index Card scene navigator feature on Final Draft – I would have preferred to enter this information in there, but couldn’t get it. Anyway, what I’ve learned is I must go step by step, not expect everything to be perfect, and just keep going.

1. Opening Scene – Appears to be extreme mountain climbing situation, very dangerous. Four people linked by ropes, in harnesses, on steep rocky outcrop. Swinging back and forth. Pulling each other up, really feeling the body weights of each other. Only one woman, Dr. Liza Graves, and she’s taller and heavier than some of the men in the group who have to pull her up and don’t look too pleased about it.

2. We pull back a little. We see repeats of the action, with different people pulling the weight of different people. Pulling back further, we realize this is a practice session.

3. We see the entire mountain climbing group together in an expensive mountain hotel. We meet the climbers over cocktails. Two of the crew do not drink at all. The men all seem wealthy, sophisticated, mostly late 30s, 40s, 50s. There is a quiet, dark, mysterious woman. She says very little. She’s a contrast to Dr. Graves, who is open, friendly, American. The Travel Agent, whom many climbers recognize, is a very experienced climber and will be leading this expedition. One more day of acclimating to the altitude, and then we’ll go!

4. The Travel Agent and Ali Patel engage with each other as if not particularly well acquainted in front of the entire mountaineering group.

5. In private, later, the Travel Agent and Patel go over files on the T.A.’s phone concerning each climber. This also introduces each climber, in crass, material terms (what his business is, what he’s worth, why he’s on the trip, what his weaknesses are).

6. The next day, at the practice session, there’s a new, absolutely incredible climber, Brett Dean (mid to late 20s, very handsome, our HERO). He puts the others to shame during the practice – incredibly strong, agile, graceful climber. Patel expresses appreciation for his climbing expertise.

7. Later that night, in private, Patel blows up at T.A. Where are the files on this new guy? Where’s he from? T.A. jokes nervously that Brett works at Langley. Not funny, says Patel, who’s very angry.

8. T.A. uses a hotel computer to check a Swiss Bank account. There’s been a very recent and substantial deposit.

9. Next day the whole troupe goes over the climb. Who’s in charge (T.A.), who’s second in command if T.A. can’t act (Patel), schedule, locations, maps/charts/photos/brochures, sleeping arrangements. Medical assistance mission to help remote villagers way up in the mountains. When we reach the villages, we’ll provide necessary medical supplies, Dr. Graves will tend to the needs of the people there, we’ll take down with us any villagers who need medical help or treatment down here. Then we’ll all descend and get back here. Need to avoid seasonal storms – whole climb should be done in 6 to 8 days, including an overnight with the villagers. But we’ll have our own encampment – and it will be luxurious and comfortable! This is like the mountain climbing version of “glamping.”

10. Day 1 of the actual climb. All goes well. Brett flirts with Dr. Graves, who ignores him. Brett thanks the T.A. for letting him join at the last minute. The T.A. says he appreciates the “tip” Brett provided. “Just hope I get to enjoy it.” (Brett wonders why T.A. seems nervous.)

11. [INCITING INCIDENT] T.A. seems nervous, pre-occupied. They’re stretched out, crossing one deep break in the ridge, attached by ropes. It’s a long way down. Suddenly T.A. falls. Looks like he might take people with him; they’re busy clutching on to the mountainside. Somehow, TA’s rope disengages from others and he tumbles down terrible distance, screaming. Brett Dean detaches himself from others, follows him, using an axe and hand climbing holds, and somehow manages to carry TA’s broken body back up. TA almost died, is in bad shape.

12. Quick establishment of medical emergency tent. Patel smoothly takes charge. Dr. Graves works hard to examine T.A., who’s moaning, semi-conscious. Patel generously offers to contact medi-evac chopper service, help their Leader. Everyone working rapidly together to try to help T.A. All impressed with Patel’s offer. There is some conversation in a foreign language between Patel and some of the “sherpas” as Dr. Graves works on T.A. Dr. Graves seems a bit troubled by conversation, or maybe it’s her concern over T.A. being so seriously injured. Using their portable sat-phone, Patel summons chopper. Another climber volunteers to go back with TA – he’s not conscious, someone should be with him. Patel says that’s not necessary, the crew will take care of him when they land, they know what to do. Climber insists.

13. Chopper arrives. Pilot seems to know Patel. They load in broken body of TA on a gurney, along with nice passenger. Patel puts something in the chopper as it takes off.

14. Nice passenger chats to unconscious T.A., tells him everything will be okay. Pilot seems unnerved that T.A. had this kind of accident – he’s such a great climber. Passenger agrees, I shouldn’t have signed on for this – too hard for me. I’m glad to be going home. From now on, I’ll just enjoy the views from aircraft.

15. Patel, in private, presses a device.

16. The chopper, far away from the pickup point, blows up, killing everyone on board. [End of Act 1]

Act 2 – the expedition continues

17. Very tense dinner in tent. How could their experienced expedition leader have fallen? Patel discourages questioning, is very controlling. Dr. Graves is his ally – we mustn’t lose focus. Can’t afford to make mistakes, look what happened to a very experienced climber like the T.A.

18. Everyone goes to bed nervous in his/her own tent.

19. Next day they have a great day climb. People are more upbeat.

20. At dinner, someone asks how T.A. is doing. Patel tells them he’s been told that he’s going to get better, will recover. Brett Dean seems upset by this, says nothing.

21. Patel and Dr. Graves spend some time together, Patel seems more relaxed. He tells her about villagers’ needs. Dr. Graves assumes boxes they’re bringing up with them are to supply villagers. What’s in them? Could she see? Patel seems very open about it. Gives her manifests that purport to disclose contents of boxes. Patel asks if she’d like to continue working with the villagers when they get there – she could come down later, with a subsequent trek.

22. Dr. Graves intrigued by offer, but is supposed to return to her ER job in Colorado – after her vacation.

23. Brett Dean seems jealous of Patel. Also suspicious of Dr. Graves.

24. Some climbers are rather depressed, want to go home, worried about T.A. Patel discouraged them from going back with T.A.

25. Next day of climb, Brett Dean feels Dr. Graves out on TA’s chances of survival. Poor, but not impossible, she says. Let’s have Patel make another call – we’re all worried.

26. Patel announces at dinner that unfortunately TA perished from his injuries. Brett Dean seems upset.

27. Brett Dean tells Dr. G in private that the chopper never made it down the mountain, that T.A. was never in any hospital. How do you know? she asks. He has his own sat phone.

28. Dr. Graves seems very suspicious of everyone. Won’t talk openly to anybody.

29. Bad weather leads to loss of some tents and equipment. This will mean new sleeping arrangements. Where will Dr. Graves end up? Mini-competition among men to share their tents with her. She ends up with dark, mysterious, quiet woman.

30. Brett Dean and Patel end up sharing a tent. Patel questions Brett skillfully but volunteers zeros about himself. Patel seems surprised Dean can afford this trek.

31. One of wealthy climbers (Mr. Pershing) expresses curiosity about what’s in the boxes the staff people are lugging up the mountain. Dr. Graves assures him it’s antibiotics, antifungals, bandages, supplies for everyday stuff, illnesses, basic operations, anesthesia, etc. [Based on the manifests Patel showed her] Patel volunteers that they provide some food for the villagers, too – they’re so poor. So canned goods can be very heavy.

32. Leads to discussion of class, productivity, why do these poor people stay up in the mountains if they can’t provide for themselves? Dr. Graves idealistically believes they must want to preserve their indigenous culture, they’re attached to their birthplace, don’t want to leave. Mr. Pershing wants to know what indigenous language they speak. Do they know Spanish? How can you treat them if you can’t communicate with them?

33. Privately Mr. Pershing wonders that Patel can’t identify the language spoken by the people who are receiving all this largesse courtesy of the climbers, and at the weight of these boxes. There must be something in there besides medical supplies. He goes to look and finds guns!

34. More climbing. Patel and Dr. G seem to be getting close.

35. Brett and others suggest changing the order – spread out the top climbers. Don’t bunch them up at the front.

36. Mr. Pershing tells Patel he found guns in one of the boxes! Someone is smuggling. Patel acts shocked, thanks him for the information.

37. Mr. Pershing dies in a freak fire in his tent later that night. His portable heater exploded.

38. Mr. Pershing’s companion on the trip is very upset and suspicious. Pershing was always hot. Never used a heater, even on incredibly cold climbs. Had his own custom sleeping bag, fur-lined.

39. At breakfast, Dr. G is very cold toward the mysterious woman she’s shared a tent with. Brett Dean notices. Dr. G says she saw the woman going through her stuff when she thought Dr. G was sleeping.

40. New problem with food and water contamination and shortages. Rationing instituted. Some climbers wonder if some people are hoarding food and clean water.

41. More equipment failures. Some climbers feel as if this expedition is cursed. Dr. G busy attending to scrapes, bruises, etc.

42. Dr. G very busy in medical tent after they climb. They’re behind schedule now. Some people are super sick, others seem fine. What’s going on? The people who carry their stuff are all fine – they never get sick. Dr. G insists on examining some – she doesn’t want to just be doctor for the rich tourists. She hears them speak Arabic.

43. Patel tells them the expedition sat phone doesn’t work reliably.

44. Mini-mutiny – some people want to return, others want to continue. We didn’t agree to be completely out of communication! But there’s an important humanitarian mission – to help the villagers, and we can still make this fantastic climb, Patel argues.

45. Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. They can use his to call their loved ones. Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news.

46. Brett Dean tells the other climbers that TA never made it to any hospital – the chopper must have crashed – nobody ever heard from the T.A. or from the passenger who went down with him. Climbers are very mad at Patel for lying to them.

47. Patel smoothly lies and tells them he lied to keep up their spirits. It would have spoiled the whole trek if right at the beginning they’d heard about the chopper crash. Better to have hope. Most don’t believe him.

48. Dr. G tells Brett Dean some things about Patel that Patel shared with her. She also tells him the “villagers” returning to their Patel’s background and experience get Dean to thinking. Could Patel be his target? He doesn’t tell Dr. G. what he thinks of Patel.

Act 3

49. They are getting very close to the destination – the “indigenous village” [a Potemkin village which is actually the terrorist training camp]. Extremely difficult climb – have to descend into a hidden valley. Slippery, difficult descent. One has to rely on his fellow climber. Is each climber going to help his team mate? Are some of them killers? Climb cannot be done solo.

50. Hero discovers that Patel is armed! Who will help Hero trap Patel? Can he count on Dr. Graves?

51. Dramatic fight. Hero captures, subdues Patel – with Dr. Graves’ help. Patel is tied up.

52. Lackeys of Patel flee when Patel is captured. In their haste, some fall to their deaths.

53. Hero doesn’t want to go to “village” with Patel. Dr. Graves convinces him to let her go, deal with medical needs of the “villagers” and she’ll note the layout, how many people, etc. (Important information Brett was supposed to get.)

54. Hero watches over Patel. Hero leaves briefly to check on gear, food, water. Patel manages to communicate with villagers (using Brett’s stolen sat phone) – putting Dr. Graves in serious danger. Will “villagers” kill her?

55. Brett overcomes Patel, ties him up, tries to get to village.

56. Dr. Graves cleverly protects herself, “villagers” really do need her medical expertise, she speaks Arabic and can communicate with them. She escapes back, meets Brett on the way back. Brett fills her in on his identity (CIA spy). They return to the subdued Patel. Brett still a little nervous about whether Dr. G will help him. Maybe she’s in cahoots with Patel? She got out of village successfully without his help.

57. Hero and Dr. Graves push Patel off the mountain to his [presumed] death. They can’t climb with him tied up, and they don’t trust him. They’re in a hurry to get back down the mountain, with the contraband, which they can’t carry all of – they hide it, and take some of it as samples.

[Mona Miller]

Just posted my assignment a few minutes ago.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Day 7 Assignment – The Life-Threatening Sequence

What I learned from this? Not sure. It’s hard to keep it simple, and I’m finding it difficult to express thoughts in short simple sentences. At the same time, I can see that helps. My entire story keeps bleeding into what I’m trying to write.

I have multiple life-threatening sequences, as most of the movie takes place on a difficult mountain climb in a remote area.

Act I

1. The official Leader of the expedition (the Travel Agent, who, for a bribe, let our hero join the group at the last minute without vetting him thoroughly) nearly dies in a terrible climbing accident. At great risk, the hero saves him.

2. The hero brings him to an impromptu medical tent set up by Dr. Graves. She tries to save the gravely injured Travel Agent, who’s unable to speak. He needs to be airlifted out to have a chance. Villain magnanimously orders a medical chopper at his own expense and sends Travel Agent home for medical care.

3. Rescue medical chopper blows up, killing everyone on board, including innocent tourist who volunteered to go back with injured Travel Agent. Group doesn’t know that, but audience does.

Act II – the trek continues.

There are a series of climbing accidents and other disasters.

1. Tents/equipment are lost in an avalanche. This leads to different sleeping arrangements. Dr. Graves declines offers from Ali Patel and hero to sleep in their respective tents. Only one other woman on trek. Dr. Graves sleeps in her tent. This woman can seem very suspicious.

2. Food is discovered to be contaminated; there is a water shortage. Rationing instituted. Are some people hoarding?

3. Some of the climbing equipment fails. More near-deaths, falls, injuries.

4. The group’s satellite phone no longer works reliably. They can’t call for help.

5. To help the group, the hero reveals he has his own satellite phone. His sat phone is stolen. Who took it?

6. Someone on the climb discovers weapons in the dead Travel Agent’s gear.

7. That person dies in a freak “accident.” He had shared his discovery with very few people, as far as our hero knows. (He was one of the people.)

8. Hero not sure Dr. Graves is on his side. She seems to be totally against him.

Act. III

1. They are getting very close to the destination – the “indigenous village” [a Potemkin village which is actually the terrorist training camp]. Extremely difficult climb – have to descend into a hidden valley. Slippery, difficult descent. One has to rely on his fellow climber. Is each climber going to help his team mate? Are some of them killers? Climb cannot be done solo.

2. Hero discovers that Patel is armed! Who will help Hero trap Patel? Can he count on Dr. Graves?

3. Dramatic fight. Hero captures, subdues Patel – with Dr. Graves’ help. Patel is tied up.

4. Lackeys of Patel flee when Patel is captured. In their haste, some fall to their deaths.

5. Hero can’t go to “village” with Patel tied up, Patel cannot be trusted not to get his captors killed. Dr. Graves convinces Hero to let her go, deal with medical needs of the “villagers” and she’ll note the layout, how many people, etc. (Important information Brett was supposed to get.)

6. Hero watches over Patel. Hero leaves briefly to check on gear, food, water. Patel manages to communicate with villagers (using Brett’s stolen sat phone) – putting Dr. Graves in serious danger. Will “villagers” kill her?

7. Dr. Graves cleverly protects herself, “villagers” really do need her medical expertise, and she escapes back to Brett and Patel.

8. Hero and Dr. Graves push Patel off the mountain to his [presumed] death. They can’t climb with him tied up, and they don’t trust him.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Mystery Sequence

What
I learned from this is the importance of having simple, clear ideas, and
then executing them logically, in sequence, with the “cover up/secret”
model Hal has provided.

1. The big secret that the Villain (Ali Patel) is covering up is how he is able to fund the terrorist training camp and keep its real activities unknown. The mountain climbing expeditions allow Ali Patel a perfect cover to bring in supplies, including food and medicine, but also weapons, and then take down trainees (masquerading as poor villagers).

Ways to cover up the big secret:

Hide in plain sight: the expeditions are advertised, including to very wealthy, well-known people who like extreme mountain climbing. Wealthy climbers pay, terrorists come with them (posing as helpers, staff, etc.). It all looks legit.

“Humanitarian mission” label allows doctors, medicines, etc. to be carried up. Even some governmental restrictions are relaxed. Politicians look favorably on this activity – brings in tourism and revenue, medical and humanitarian aid. (All the supplies being hauled up include ammunition, weapons, materiel.)

Mountain climbing is dangerous. “Accidents” accomplished in a variety of ways (equipment failures, substitutions of equipment, etc.) can cover up executions, eliminations of disloyal people, suspicious climbers who might report something to the authorities, etc.

Battle with the elements. Conditions alone are very difficult – someone may get hypothermia, not adjust properly to altitude, scrape himself and wound gets infected, etc.

Communications are difficult and controlled. Remoteness of mountains ensures that surveillance is difficult; people can’t phone for help; hard to get messages in and out.

Climbers need to depend on each other. Most difficult and remote parts of journey require more than one person – it’s too difficult to do alone. The climbers have to trust and rely upon each other.

Medical assistance on every trek means a doctor is there to save – or possibly kill – any injured person.

First mystery – Travel Agent who took a bribe from our hero, Brett Dean, to get him on the trek at the last minute, has a serious accident. Dean saves him, at great personal risk. Patel steps in, appears to be heroically paying for medical evacuation by helicopter, sends another person back with Travel Agent. Why was the Travel Agent, an experienced climber, using such bad equipment? Did someone switch his equipment or tamper with it? Was the Travel Agent being targeted? Why? Did it have to do with his taking bribes to let people go on the expedition? Was Dean’s being put on the trip the reason the Travel Agent was almost killed? Could this have just been a stupid accident?

During medical treatment of Travel Agent before evacuation, Dr. Graves overhears some conversation between Patel and some climbers in Arabic. Patel says it’s Urdu. Brett Dean is in tent, as he brought injured Travel Agent in. He doesn’t know what they’re saying but he knows it’s not Urdu. He doesn’t reveal he knows that. Dr. Graves gets part of it, makes her very suspicious. She doesn’t reveal she knows Arabic.

Who was the Travel Agent? Why of all people did he get injured?

Dr. Graves wonders how did Patel even know these climbers? Why does he send one back with the Travel Agent? Was the Travel Agent a danger to the other climbers, and if so, why? [Travel Agent as potential little Red Herring.]

Dean wonders why Patel would lie about what language he was speaking. Tries to talk to Dr. Graves about it. She says nothing. (But she is also wondering.) Is she working for Patel? [Red Herring: Whose side is Dr. Graves on?]

Patel won’t send Travel Agent’s boxes back in helicopter. Says it’s too heavy, will take too much time. Why can’t they leave the stuff and get it when they return down the mountain?

Second Mystery: How will they return? Patel says they’re returning by a different route. Who put him in charge? Why? Nobody else knows this other route for descent. Is it real? Is it dangerous? Who is Ali Patel? Some of the people on the expedition seem to know him very well, but they’re close-mouthed. Why? What does Patel want? What does Patel fear? Some climbers are apathetic, they don’t care, just want to go up mountain and return in one piece.

Subsidiary “Love Mystery”

Ali Patel is very charming and seductive with Dr. Graves. Makes her feel great. He’s paying her to go on this climb, and she’s very grateful for that. She has her suspicions but he seems like such a helpful humanitarian and a fantastic, handsome climber.

Dr. Graves is dissatisfied with info she’s given but reluctant to take on Ali Patel, who seems to like her. She likes him, too. She knows a lot about mountains, wonders why he won’t take her into his confidence about return route, as she could help.

Patel wants Dr. Graves for himself. Did he pick the person to accompany the injured Travel Agent out of jealousy (he’s handsome, has medical knowledge, too appealing to Dr. Graves)?

Brett Dean also likes Dr. Graves – she’s a great climber, interesting, strong. She doesn’t tell him much. Her interest in Patel makes him nervous – and jealous.

Patel seems to have helpers, staff watching Dr. Graves more and more as the climb continues. Dr. Graves wonders why. Doesn’t he trust her? Does he suspect she understood some of the dialogue in Arabic during the emergency with the Travel Agent? Would he turn on her?

Third Mystery: What is in those boxes? Dr. Graves is very curious, but doesn’t want to be seen looking in stuff that doesn’t belong to her. She could pretend she’s hunting for medical supplies, since she used stuff up on the Travel Agent. Very hard to look and not be discovered.

Brett Dean also very curious about the boxes. He tries to find out from Dr. Graves. She doesn’t say much. She doesn’t trust anyone. Dean doesn’t trust her. Maybe each independently finds ammunition or weapons in a box, doesn’t know who to trust?

One of the wealthy climbers is also curious about the boxes. He does some snooping. He finds something that doesn’t belong, but then dies in a climbing “accident.”

Fourth Mystery. Who is Brett Dean and what is he doing on this trip? Patel tries to get close to Brett Dean. He’s suspicious of how Dean got on the trip at the last moment. There’s no file on him (a dereliction of duty by the Travel Agent). Ali feels that Brett doesn’t have the kind of money necessary to go on this trek. In the guise of friendly conversation he asks lots of questions. Makes Dean very suspicious. Patel volunteers virtually nothing.

Patel is angry at one of his employees for the lack of a file on Brett Dean. Employee becomes very nervous. Switches his order in the climbing route to be further from Patel, closer to Dean. Why? Is he going to do something bad to Dean, make him fall? Employee’s apparent fear of Patel seems at odds with Patel’s public persona of calmness, reasonableness, wealth.

What will Ali Patel do to Dean? Will he cause him to be killed because he lacks complete information on who he is?

Fifth Mystery. When will Brett Dean realize that the man he’s supposed to assassinate is there on the trek with him? Patel is very careful, never lets information slip. Does he tell something to Dr. Graves who innocently mentions it to Dean? Where he went to school in Great Britain and when? Will Dean put together the pieces and realize that Patel is his target?

Sixth Mystery. Will anyone who has suspicions about Ali Patel survive this trip if they make it to the destination? Won’t Patel have everyone killed, blame it on an avalanche, bad climbing, weather? Is that why he’s proposed a different return route? Do factions develop among the few climbers left? Are they all baiting each other, nobody trusting anyone else? What does Dr. Graves think? Whose side is she on? Are these terrible accidents really accidents? Who is causing them? How are they getting away with it?

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Mystery Sequence

What
I learned from this is the importance of having simple, clear ideas, and
then executing them logically, in sequence, with the “cover up/secret”
model Hal has provided.

1. The big secret that the Villain (Ali Patel) is covering up is how he is able to fund the terrorist training camp and keep its real activities unknown. The mountain climbing expeditions allow Ali Patel a perfect cover to bring in supplies, including food and medicine, but also weapons, and then take down trainees (masquerading as poor villagers).

Ways to cover up the big secret:

Hide in plain sight: the expeditions are advertised, including to very wealthy, well-known people who like extreme mountain climbing. Wealthy climbers pay, terrorists come with them (posing as helpers, staff, etc.). It all looks legit.

“Humanitarian mission” label allows doctors, medicines, etc. to be carried up. Even some governmental restrictions are relaxed. Politicians look favorably on this activity – brings in tourism and revenue, medical and humanitarian aid. (All the supplies being hauled up include ammunition, weapons, materiel.)

Mountain climbing is dangerous. “Accidents” accomplished in a variety of ways (equipment failures, substitutions of equipment, etc.) can cover up executions, eliminations of disloyal people, suspicious climbers who might report something to the authorities, etc.

Battle with the elements. Conditions alone are very difficult – someone may get hypothermia, not adjust properly to altitude, scrape himself and wound gets infected, etc.

Communications are difficult and controlled. Remoteness of mountains ensures that surveillance is difficult; people can’t phone for help; hard to get messages in and out.

Climbers need to depend on each other. Most difficult and remote parts of journey require more than one person – it’s too difficult to do alone. The climbers have to trust and rely upon each other.

Medical assistance on every trek means a doctor is there to save – or possibly kill – any injured person.

First mystery – Travel Agent who took a bribe from our hero, Brett Dean, to get him on the trek at the last minute, has a serious accident. Dean saves him, at great personal risk. Patel steps in, appears to be heroically paying for medical evacuation by helicopter, sends another person back with Travel Agent. Why was the Travel Agent, an experienced climber, using such bad equipment? Did someone switch his equipment or tamper with it? Was the Travel Agent being targeted? Why? Did it have to do with his taking bribes to let people go on the expedition? Was Dean’s being put on the trip the reason the Travel Agent was almost killed? Could this have just been a stupid accident? Or did someone try to kill the Travel Agent?

During medical treatment of Travel Agent before evacuation, Dr. Graves overhears some conversation between Patel and some climbers in Arabic. Patel says it’s Urdu. Brett Dean is in tent, as he brought injured Travel Agent in. He doesn’t know what they’re saying but he knows it’s not Urdu. He doesn’t reveal he knows that. Dr. Graves gets part of it, makes her very suspicious. She doesn’t reveal she knows Arabic.

Who was the Travel Agent? Why of all people did he get injured?

Dr. Graves wonders how did Patel even know these climbers? Why does he send one back with the Travel Agent? Was the Travel Agent a danger to the other climbers, and if so, why? [Travel Agent as potential little Red Herring. Maybe he was a bad guy, and Patel saved the others from him?]

Dean wonders why Patel would lie about what language he was speaking. Tries to talk to Dr. Graves about it. She says nothing. (But she is also wondering.) Is she working for Patel? [Red Herring: Whose side is Dr. Graves on?]

Patel won’t send Travel Agent’s boxes back in helicopter. Says it’s too heavy, will take too much time. Why can’t they leave the stuff and get it when they return down the mountain?

Second Mystery: How will they return? Patel says they’re returning by a different route. Who put him in charge? Why? Nobody else knows this other route for descent. Is it real? Is it dangerous? Who is Ali Patel? Some of the people on the expedition seem to know him very well, but they’re close-mouthed. Why? What does Patel want? What does Patel fear? Some climbers are apathetic, they don’t care, just want to go up mountain and return in one piece. Patel acts as if he is the most experienced and best climber on the team. Is that true?

Subsidiary “Love Mystery”

Ali Patel is very charming and seductive with Dr. Graves. Makes her feel great. He’s paying her to go on this climb, and she’s very grateful for that. She has her suspicions but he seems like such a helpful humanitarian and a fantastic, handsome climber.

Dr. Graves is dissatisfied with info she’s given but reluctant to take on Ali Patel, who seems to like her. She likes him, too. She knows a lot about mountains, wonders why he won’t take her into his confidence about return route, as she could help.

Patel wants Dr. Graves for himself. Did he pick the person to accompany the injured Travel Agent out of jealousy (he’s handsome, has medical knowledge, too appealing to Dr. Graves)?

Brett Dean also likes Dr. Graves – she’s a great climber, interesting, strong. She doesn’t tell him much. Her interest in Patel makes him nervous – and jealous.

Patel seems to have helpers, staff watching Dr. Graves more and more as the climb continues. Dr. Graves wonders why. Doesn’t he trust her? Does he suspect she understood some of the dialogue in Arabic during the emergency with the Travel Agent? Would he turn on her?

Third Mystery: What is in those boxes? Dr. Graves is very curious, but doesn’t want to be seen looking in stuff that doesn’t belong to her. She could pretend she’s hunting for medical supplies, since she used stuff up on the Travel Agent. Very hard to look and not be discovered.

Brett Dean also very curious about the boxes. He tries to find out from Dr. Graves. She doesn’t say much. She doesn’t trust anyone. Dean doesn’t trust her. Maybe each independently finds ammunition or weapons in a box, doesn’t know whom to trust?

One of the wealthy climbers is also curious about the boxes. He does some snooping. He finds something that doesn’t belong, but then dies in a climbing “accident.” Brett Dean and Dr. Graves each wonder, did what’s in those boxes lead to this climber’s death?

Fourth Mystery. Who is Brett Dean and what is he doing on this trip? Patel tries to get close to Brett Dean. He’s suspicious of how Dean got on the trip at the last moment. There’s no file on him (a dereliction of duty by the Travel Agent). Ali feels that Brett doesn’t have the kind of money necessary to go on this trek. In the guise of friendly conversation he asks lots of questions. Makes Dean very suspicious. Patel volunteers virtually nothing.

Patel is angry at one of his employees for the lack of a file on Brett Dean. Employee becomes very nervous. Switches his order in the climbing route to be further from Patel, closer to Dean. Why? Is he going to do something bad to Dean, make him fall? Employee’s apparent fear of Patel seems at odds with Patel’s public persona of calmness, reasonableness, wealth.

What will Ali Patel do to Dean? Will he cause him to be killed because he lacks complete information on who he is?

Fifth Mystery. When will Brett Dean realize that the man he’s supposed to assassinate is there on the trek with him? Patel is very careful, never lets information slip. Does he tell something to Dr. Graves who innocently mentions it to Dean? Where he went to school in Great Britain and when? Will Dean put together the pieces and realize that Patel is his target?

Sixth Mystery. Will anyone who has suspicions about Ali Patel survive this trip if they make it to the destination? Won’t Patel have everyone killed, blame it on an avalanche, bad climbing, weather? Is that why he’s proposed a different return route? Do factions develop among the few climbers left? Are they all baiting each other, nobody trusting anyone else? What does Dr. Graves think? Whose side is she on? Are these terrible accidents really accidents? Who is causing them? How are they getting away with it?

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s Villain Has a Great Plan! (Yet another try.)

What I learned from this assignment is that it is very helpful. I wasn’t overwhelmed in creating a series of scenes. It makes things clear. It boils things down to their essence. Thank you, Hal! I just wish that posting and advancing to the next step wasn’t such a nightmare! Your system doesn’t mark me as “done.” It won’t let me advance.

1. GOAL: Ali Patel, head of the terror group (and Brett Dean’s target, but Dean doesn’t know that) intends to personally check on the mountain climbing treks and the remote terrorist training camps they support with supplies, weapons, etc. The money made from wealthy mountain climbers is essential to keep Patel’s terrorist training organization going.

2. INTRIGUE: Patel is like an undercover CEO checking out his own corporate employees. He travels on the trek incognito (although a couple of trusted lackeys know him), as a wealthy mountain climber. He’ll use his attractive, upper class, British-educated aura to seduce Dr. Graves and appeal to the other climbers, who have no idea who he is.

3. COVERS SECRETS: Patel needs to clean up his organization and get rid of the screwups or untrustworthy employees. Since mountain climbing is so dangerous, “accidents” can happen. Patel and his associates know how to make them happen. He likes Dr. Liza Graves. He wants to hire her to help him with medical assistance in the future; she thinks he’s providing humanitarian aid to indigenous people who live in remote villages in the upper mountains. She’ll have no choice but to help him, as she’ll be totally dependent on him the higher and more remote in the mountains they are.

4. I wasn’t sure if we were to list everything under “How to Create the Villain’s Plan.” I have done these steps, but didn’t want to go on for pages and pages (which I’ve planned out and written down).

[Mona Miller]

I have posted my “Villain’s Plan” assignment multiple times, but I’m not advancing to have this marked “completed.” I’m not seeing a “done” at the bottom of my screen. Help!

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller – The Villain’s Plan – Assignment to Post

What I learned from this assignment is that it is very helpful. I wasn’t overwhelmed in creating a series of scenes. It makes things clear. It boils things down to their essence. Thank you, Hal!

1. GOAL: Ali Patel intends to personally check on the mountain climbing treks and the remote terrorist training camps they support with supplies, weapons, etc. The money made from wealthy mountain climbers who pay for these specialized, difficult climbs is essential to keep Patel’s terrorist training organization going.

2. INTRIGUE: Patel is like an undercover CEO checking out his own corporate employees. He travels on the trek incognito (although a couple of trusted lackeys know him), as a wealthy mountain climber. He’ll use his attractive, upper class, British-educated aura to seduce Dr. Graves and appeal to the other climbers, who have no idea who he is.

3. COVERS SECRETS: Patel needs to clean up his organization and get rid of the screwups or untrustworthy employees. Since mountain climbing is so dangerous, accidents can happen. Patel and his associates know how to make them happen. He likes Dr. Liza Graves. He wants to hire her to help him with medical assistance in the future; she thinks he’s providing humanitarian aid to indigenous people who live in remote villages in the upper mountains. She’ll have no choice but to help him, as she’ll be totally dependent on him the higher and more remote in the mountains they are, especially after there are a series of “accidents” and the number of trekkers is small.

4. I wasn’t sure if we were to list everything under “How to Create the Villain’s Plan.” I have done these steps, but didn’t want to go on for pages and pages (which I’ve planned out and written down).

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller – The Villain’s Plan – Assignment to Post

What I learned from this assignment is that it is very helpful. I wasn’t overwhelmed in creating a series of scenes. It makes things clear. It boils things down to their essence. Thank you, Hal!

1. GOAL: Ali Patel intends to personally check on the mountain climbing treks and the remote terrorist training camps they support with supplies, weapons, etc. The money made from wealthy mountain climbers who pay for these specialized, difficult climbs is essential to keep Patel’s terrorist training organization going.

2. INTRIGUE: Patel is like an undercover CEO checking out his own corporate employees. He travels on the trek incognito (although a couple of trusted lackeys know him), as a wealthy mountain climber. He’ll use his attractive, upper class, British-educated aura to seduce Dr. Graves and appeal to the other climbers, who have no idea who he is.

3. COVERS SECRETS: Patel needs to clean up his organization and get rid of the screwups or untrustworthy employees. Since mountain climbing is so dangerous, accidents can happen. Patel and his associates know how to make them happen. He likes Dr. Liza Graves. He wants to hire her to help him with medical assistance in the future; she thinks he’s providing humanitarian aid to indigenous people who live in remote villages in the upper mountains. She’ll have no choice but to help him, as she’ll be totally dependent on him the higher and more remote in the mountains they are.

4. I wasn’t sure if we were to list everything under “How to Create the Villain’s Plan.” I have done these steps, but didn’t want to go on for pages and pages (which I’ve planned out and written down).

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller – The Villain’s Plan – Assignment to Post

What I learned from this assignment is that it is very helpful. I wasn’t overwhelmed in creating a series of scenes. It makes things clear. It boils things down to their essence. Thank you, Hal!

1. GOAL: Ali Patel intends to personally check on the mountain climbing treks and the remote terrorist training camps they support with supplies, weapons, etc. The money made from wealthy mountain climbers who pay for these specialized, difficult climbs is essential to keep Patel’s terrorist training organization going.

2. INTRIGUE: Patel is like an undercover CEO checking out his own corporate employees. He travels on the trek incognito (although a couple of trusted lackeys know him), as a wealthy mountain climber. He’ll use his attractive, upper class, British-educated aura to seduce Dr. Graves and appeal to the other climbers, who have no idea who he is.

3. COVERS SECRETS: Patel needs to clean up his organization and get rid of the screwups or untrustworthy employees. Since mountain climbing is so dangerous, accidents can happen. Patel and his associates know how to make them happen. He likes Dr. Liza Graves. He wants to hire her to help him with medical assistance in the future; she thinks he’s providing humanitarian aid to indigenous people who live in remote villages in the higher mountain regions. She’ll have no choice but to help him, as she’ll be totally dependent on him the higher and more remote in the mountains they are, and the more deaths have taken place.

4. I wasn’t sure if we were to list everything under “How to Create the Villain’s Plan.” I have done these steps, but didn’t want to go on for pages and pages (which I’ve planned out and written down).

[Mona Miller]

I posted my assignments for Stacking Suspense, Parts 1 and 2 multiple times.

[Mona Miller]

Subject Line: Mona Miller’s SOTL Stacking Suspense (Assignment 2) [I think this is the 2nd or 3rd time I’m posting this, but the program keeps acting as if I’ve never posted. Don’t know why.]

Seeing the movie frame by frame took away my fear (this is not a movie I wanted to see again – once was enough for me) and gave me much more respect for the script, the direction and the actors.

Sheer simplicity is really hard to achieve. I was struck by how simple and direct some of the movie is. I was also struck by how each character, even the very minor ones, has his own life, his own way of speaking and moving – there was a feeling of reality throughout the movie that helped make it really scary.

Very early in the movie, as Clarice is running on a training course, we pass a sign that says something like “PAIN HURT” and a few other words. It disappears quickly, it’s just something that’s there in the environment, and it’s amazingly effective.

“Do you spook easily?” Crawford asks Clarice. Some of the dialogue is so simple. Clarice is warned, don’t get Hannibal Lecter in your head, he’s a monster.

The prisoners locked up with HL – whatever these guys are in there for, it’s bad.

Clarice related to ordinary people. She loosened up when the Black orderly said to her “you’ll do fine” before going in to see HL for the first time.

Clarice was so well-prepared and respectful with HL. “I’m here to learn from you.” A great way to start. Early on we see that Clarice’s own peace of mind as well as possibly her life is at stake.

There was a great deal of attention paid to each character, even minor characters. The disgusting prisoner who spits something out at Clarice and hits her face is later frightened by HL into swallowing his own tongue. (I don’t think that’s possible.) HL seems to have his own code – he appreciates Clarice’s politeness, her respectfulness, her diligence.

The mystery of what happened to Clarice’s father, the sheriff, stays with us for a long time. We feel connected to Clarice’s own hunger to solve the BB murders.

The training exercise where the instructor tells Clarice, “you’re dead,” highlights the tremendous stakes in the agents’ lives. Everything is life or death when they go into the field. We’re anticipating this kind of danger in the scene where Clarice is in the dark under the house where Kathryn is kept prisoner, and she’s standing super close to Buffalo Bill without knowing it.

Clarice’s determination to succeed is shown physically in the scene where she visits the storage locker at night, and the driver for the elderly owner doesn’t do any physical labor – so she has to struggle inside, alone. The owner of the storage unit was a very specific character. He has very few lines, only appears in that scene, but he seemed real, interesting, complex.

The cat waiting in the window for the “size 14 girl” who made the mistake of helping the stranger load his couch into his van (and then was trapped and knocked out by him) makes clear that she lives alone, and may not be missed right away. We know she is a nice person from riding in the car with her singing. We already like her, having been with her on her drive.

Starling is called out of class over and over to take on this special work. Obviously, she’s a star. She’s quite modest about it, always respectful with her superiors, all work.

Starling is manipulated by Crawford – he tells her that HL “would have toyed with you, then turned to stone.” He excuses himself very readily for fooling Clarice about exactly what was going on.

Crawford won’t let them discuss this sex crime in front of Clarice, leaving her alone with a crowd of redneck cops who all stare at her. Clarice is quite adept at disarming these officers and ingratiating herself with them in a professional, distanced way. She makes the boss see that the way he treats her in front of other officers has an impact.

In the scene with the two weird bug afficianados, Clarice has a sense of humor – “are you hitting on me, Dr. Pitcher?” She becomes even more likable.

Dr. Frank Childs (Chilton?) is such a creepy toad! He’s sexist, condescending, insecure – a real jerk. Actor does a great job.

I couldn’t believe Buffalo Bill was played by Ted Levine! This was a really different role and look for him! He was awesome! (I loved him on Monk as Capt. Stottlemeyer.)

Hannibal Lecter (whom Clarice addresses as “Dr. Lecter”) reassures Clarice “I have no plans to call on you.” He speaks in this distant, formal way – it’s all truly creepy and effective.

[Mona Miller]

[This is like the 3rd time I’ve posted this! The program thinks I haven’t completed stuff and won’t let me move on. Very annoying!]

Day 4 – Stacking Suspense Model, Assignment 1

Mona Miller’s BI Stacking Suspense

There is very little dialogue. Every line or almost every line is a zinger – it’s memorable, original, concise, and moves the scene forward. Comment on Dr. Beth by Gus: “When that girl mates, it’s for life.” Great line! When asked after smashing her ice with an ice pick why Catherine doesn’t just use a tray [to make ice cubes], she says “I like rough edges.” Great line!

The world of the hero was quickly established. Just the way the others looked at Nick, spoke to him, conveyed everything we needed to know. When they kept calling Nick “shooter” in the early bar scene, which he hated, that told us a lot.

The deception, when the detectives think the woman responding to them is Catherine, is not done through dialogue at all. They ask the maid who answers the door for Catherine Trammel, and this other woman comes down and talks to them. Either the maid knows better than to cross Catherine’s friend, or Catherine told her to let her friend deal with the police – either way, it leaves you with a feeling that people are willing to lie and mislead at this house (which is absolutely incredible-looking).

All the visuals served to deepen our sense of the character. The retired rock singer who’s killed in the beginning of the movie has an incredibly eclectic visual environment, with African and Caribbean art, voodoo-ish stuff, really varied, suggesting a kind of feverish, disordered passion along with great wealth. Catherine’s seaside mansion is full of stone, wood and cool colors, very sleek, clean lines – just like Catherine.

The comments of people around the main characters have a strong influence on our perception of the main characters. In Scene 14 someone says “Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get off the hook with Internal Affairs.” It makes us see Nick in a very negative light – manipulative, untrustworthy, determined to get what he wants.

I was struck by the similarities in character between Nick and Catherine – they want what they want, and will do anything to get it; they are each powerful, confident, sexy, highly successful and charismatic; they each control their feelings [until they can’t]. Beth is not only physically different, she’s completely different emotionally – much more vulnerable, much messier.

The old murder of Catherine’s professor at Berkeley was done with an ice pick. There’s a consistent, repetitive use of certain physical clues that repeats throughout the movie. The car chases are also a repeated device throughout the movie.

The repetition of lines from the interrogation of Catherine that takes place when Nick is interrogated sets up a world of who’s in the know and who isn’t up to speed very neatly, while showing us how similar Catherine and Nick can be.

The intrigue seems to creep in later. Nick doesn’t know that Roxy was watching him have sex with Catherine until later when he meets Roxy in the bathroom, and she tells him “She likes me to watch.” So we’ve seen something, and later we realize that we might not have seen it the way it was intended to be seen.

Even if Nick is just waking up, he does it in a dramatic way that makes us scared! In Scene 29, he wakes up alone with an awful start, as if he were suffering from a terrible nightmare. That alone gets our hearts racing.

Another parallel between Nick and Catherine – they each warn the other that they will stick with what’s most important to them. (Sc. 29.)

Absolutely no repetition! Nick doesn’t tell the police department that the car driven by Roxy tried to run him down and that’s why he followed her. We viewers know that already.

Catherine doesn’t show real vulnerability until close to the very end, when she says “I lose everybody I love – I don’t want to lose you.”

This whole movie is thoroughly dominated by “male gaze” in how it views all the younger women characters. Most of the women are seemingly invulnerable to any real feeling – they’re just there, looking gorgeous, dancing, having sex – do they think or feel anything? I appreciated that Catherine Trammell is actually quite intelligent and independent. I actually thought the addition of beautiful Dorothy Malone as the mysterious wife who murdered her husband and kids (Hazel?) and confessed was quite interesting. It certainly kept me guessing.

1

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s SOTL Stacking Suspense (Assignment 2)

Seeing the movie frame by frame took away my fear (this is not a movie I wanted to see again – once was enough for me) and gave me much more respect for the script, the direction and the actors.

Sheer simplicity is really hard to achieve. I was struck by how simple and direct some of the movie is. I was also struck by how each character, even the very minor ones, has his own life, his own way of speaking and moving – there was a feeling of reality throughout the movie that helped make it really scary.

Very early in the movie, as Clarice is running on a training course, we pass a sign that says something like “PAIN HURT” and a few other words. It disappears quickly, it’s just something that’s there in the environment, and it’s amazingly effective.

“Do you spook easily?” Crawford asks Clarice. Some of the dialogue is so simple. Clarice is warned, don’t get Hannibal Lecter in your head, he’s a monster.

The prisoners locked up with HL – whatever these guys are in there for, it’s bad.

Clarice related to ordinary people. She loosened up when the Black orderly said to her “you’ll do fine” before going in to see HL for the first time.

Clarice was so well-prepared and respectful with HL. “I’m here to learn from you.” A great way to start. Early on we see that Clarice’s own peace of mind as well as possibly her life is at stake.

There was a great deal of attention paid to each character, even minor characters. The disgusting prisoner who spits something out at Clarice and hits her face is later frightened by HL into swallowing his own tongue. (I don’t think that’s possible.) HL seems to have his own code – he appreciates Clarice’s politeness, her respectfulness, her diligence.

The mystery of what happened to Clarice’s father, the sheriff, stays with us for a long time. We feel connected to Clarice’s own hunger to solve the BB murders.

The training exercise where the instructor tells Clarice, “you’re dead,” highlights the tremendous stakes in the agents’ lives. Everything is life or death when they go into the field. We’re anticipating this kind of danger in the scene where Clarice is in the dark under the house where Kathryn is kept prisoner, and she’s standing super close to Buffalo Bill without knowing it.

Clarice’s determination to succeed is shown physically in the scene where she visits the storage locker at night, and the driver for the elderly owner doesn’t do any physical labor – so she has to struggle inside, alone. The owner of the storage unit was a very specific character. He has very few lines, only appears in that scene, but he seemed real, interesting, complex.

The cat waiting in the window for the “size 14 girl” who made the mistake of helping the stranger load his couch into his van (and then was trapped and knocked out by him) makes clear that she lives alone, and may not be missed right away. We know she is a nice person from riding in the car with her singing. We already like her, having been with her on her drive.

Starling is called out of class over and over to take on this special work. Obviously, she’s a star. She’s quite modest about it, always respectful with her superiors, all work.

Starling is manipulated by Crawford – he tells her that HL “would have toyed with you, then turned to stone.” He excuses himself very readily for fooling Clarice about exactly what was going on.

Crawford won’t let them discuss this sex crime in front of Clarice, leaving her alone with a crowd of redneck cops who all stare at her. Clarice is quite adept at disarming these officers and ingratiating herself with them in a professional, distanced way. She makes the boss see that the way he treats her in front of other officers has an impact.

In the scene with the two weird bug afficianados, Clarice has a sense of humor – “are you hitting on me, Dr. Pitcher?” She becomes even more likable.

Dr. Frank Childs (Chilton?) is such a creepy toad! He’s sexist, condescending, insecure – a real jerk. Actor does a great job.

I couldn’t believe Buffalo Bill was played by Ted Levine! This was a really different role and look for him! He was awesome! (I loved him on Monk as Capt. Stottlemeyer.)

Hannibal Lecter (whom Clarice addresses as “Dr. Lecter”) reassures Clarice “I have no plans to call on you.” He speaks in this distant, formal way – it’s all truly creepy and effective.

[Mona Miller]

Day 4 – Stacking Suspense Model, Assignment 1

Mona Miller’s BI Stacking Suspense [What I learned]

There is very little dialogue. Every line or almost every line is a zinger – it’s memorable, original, concise, and moves the scene forward. Comment on Dr. Beth by Gus: “When that girl mates, it’s for life.” Great line! When asked after smashing her ice with an ice pick why Catherine doesn’t just use a tray [to make ice cubes], she says “I like rough edges.” Great line!

The world of the hero was quickly established. Just the way the others looked at Nick, spoke to him, conveyed everything we needed to know. When they kept calling Nick “shooter” in the early bar scene, which he hated, that told us a lot.

The deception, when the detectives think the woman responding to them is Catherine, is not done through dialogue at all. They ask the maid who answers the door for Catherine Trammel, and this other woman comes down and talks to them. Either the maid knows better than to cross Catherine’s friend, or Catherine told her to let her friend deal with the police – either way, it leaves you with a feeling that people are willing to lie and mislead at this house (which is absolutely incredible-looking).

All the visuals served to deepen our sense of the character. The retired rock singer who’s killed in the beginning of the movie has an incredibly eclectic visual environment, with African and Caribbean art, voodoo-ish stuff, really varied, suggesting a kind of feverish, disordered passion along with great wealth. Catherine’s seaside mansion is full of stone, glass, light wood and cool colors, very sleek, clean lines – just like Catherine.

The comments of people around the main characters have a strong influence on our perception of the main characters. In Scene 14 someone says “Sometimes I think he started banging her just to get off the hook with Internal Affairs.” It makes us see Nick in a very negative light – manipulative, untrustworthy, determined to get what he wants. Gus’s loyalty towards and concern for Nick buoy up our expectations for goodness in Nick.

I was struck by the similarities in character between Nick and Catherine – they want what they want, and will do anything to get it; they are each powerful, confident, sexy, highly successful and charismatic; they each control their feelings [until they can’t]. Beth is not only physically different, she’s completely different emotionally – much more vulnerable, much messier.

The old murder of Catherine’s professor at Berkeley was done with an ice pick. There’s a consistent, repetitive use of certain physical clues that repeats throughout the movie. The car chases are also a repeated device throughout the movie.

The repetition of lines from the interrogation of Catherine that takes place when Nick is interrogated sets up a world of who’s in the know and who isn’t up to speed very neatly, while showing us how similar Catherine and Nick can be.

The intrigue seems to creep in later. Nick doesn’t know that Roxy was watching him have sex with Catherine until later when he meets Roxy in the bathroom, and she tells him “She likes me to watch.” So we’ve seen something, and later we realize that we might not have seen it the way it was intended to be seen.

Even if Nick is just waking up, he does it in a dramatic way that makes us scared! In Scene 29, he wakes up alone with an awful start, as if he were suffering from a terrible nightmare. That alone gets our hearts racing.

Another parallel between Nick and Catherine – they each warn the other that they will stick with what’s most important to them. (Sc. 29.)

Absolutely no repetition! Nick doesn’t tell the police department that the car driven by Roxy tried to run him down and that’s why he followed her. We viewers know that already.

Catherine doesn’t show real vulnerability until close to the very end, when she says “I lose everybody I love – I don’t want to lose you.”

This whole movie is thoroughly dominated by “male gaze” in how it views all the younger women characters. Most of the women are seemingly invulnerable to any real feeling – they’re just there, looking gorgeous, dancing, having sex – do they think or feel anything? I appreciated that Catherine Trammell is actually quite intelligent and independent. I actually thought the addition of beautiful Dorothy Malone as the mysterious wife who murdered her husband and kids (Hazel?) and confessed was quite interesting. It certainly kept me guessing.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller – Asuncion [mountain climbing set] (Second time – I don’t know why it thinks I haven’t done this yet!)

I learned doing this assignment that it is very hard to see the simplest, essential pieces and not be distracted. (At least for me.)

Concept: a trek of well-heeled “tourists” takes on a difficult mountain climbing expedition in South America. Sprinkled in among these tourists are (1) Brett Dean (20s), novice CIA agent who’s a great mountain climber; (2) terrorist leader Ali Patel, an urbane, British-educated Pakistani (40s) who’s an arms dealer, and (3) a young, idealistic doctor, deep in debt, Dr. Liza Graves (early 30s), who’s been hired by Patel for the climb. Dean is supposed to find the terrorist training camp high up in the mountains that these treks are suspected to have been supplying. Once he’s located the camp, he is to assassinate the leader, and return.

Big
Mystery: Will
Brett figure out that his target is on the trek with him? Will Ali Patel realize that Brett Dean
is a CIA agent? If Brett kills
Patel, how will he locate the terrorist training camp? Who else on this trek will then punish
Brett? What is being hauled up to the supposed poor villagers they are
helping? <div>

Big
Intrigue: Who
will betray whom? Will Brett’s
feelings for Dr. Liza cloud his judgment? Are the accidents along the way actually planned to get some of the climbers out of the picture? Who is sabotaging the equipment/supplies?

Big
Suspense: Everyone
faces the extreme dangers of this climb.
They must rely on each other to make the climb.

2. Intriguing World: Extreme mountain climbing in remote area.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

Brett Dean – novice CIA agent selected because of his climbing expertise.

A. What is the mystery of this
character? – Will he figure out who his enemies are? Will he stick to the plan he’s been
given, which no longer fits, since he thinks Ali Patel is the leader and
he’s there on the trek.
B. What is the suspense of this
character? Will he survive? Will he figure out who’s who?
C. What is the intrigue of this
character? Will he be hot-headed or cool in judgment? How will his feelings for Dr. Liza
affect him? Will he act to save the
“tourists” and are they really just tourists?

</div>

[Mona Miller]

Mona Miller’s World and Characters.

ASSIGNMENT
What I learned doing this assignment is – I am not good at this. I’m particularly confused about the “intrigue”
concept and I need help understanding it.
This is hard (but fun).

1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.

“Asuncion.” Expert mountain climber but novice CIA agent Brett Dean (20s) is assigned to go on a dangerous mountain climbing expedition in South America. These treks, which attract wealthy, mountain-climbing tourists, may be used to supply a hidden terrorist training camp with weapons and other materiél. Brett is to locate the camp and to assassinate the leader, assumed to be at the camp. Nobody is sure who the leader is, but he has inflicted terrible casualties on his targets. Unbeknownst to Brett, the terrorist leader is an urbane, English-educated Pakistani, Ali Patel, early 40s, who is actually on the climb with him. Ali is surrounded by wealthy tourists (some of whom may work for him), a lackey or two, and genuine strangers who pay to go on the expedition.

Big
Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us
wondering throughout the story? Will Ali realize who Brett is and cause
his death? If pushed, will Ali
cause the death of the innocent tourists on the trek? Will Brett realize who Ali is – and if so,
how will he get to the camp unscathed and accomplish his mission? How will Brett protect the innocent
fellow climbers – and which of them are innocent? To whom is Dr. Liza Graves, the expedition
doctor and expert climber, with whom Ali Patel seems smitten, actually
loyal?
Big
Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that
will live under the surface for most of the movie? Ali Patel’s true identity;
Ali’s relationship with Dr. Liza, what is all this stuff they’re bringing
up the mountain for the villagers? When people die on the climb, is it an
accident? Or planned? And if planned, by whom?
Big
Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue
to escalate throughout the script? Just surviving the climb is hard –
there is an early accident leading to the death of one climber. To ascend, each climber must depend on
the others. They are connected by
ropes and absolutely need to trust each other in climbing. There are locations where nobody could
come by helicopter to med-evacuate them.
The air gets thinner and thinner, and the conditions more dangerous
and remote (snow storms, avalanches, strong winds, equipment losses and
failures, etc.) as they continue to
climb.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story. Dangerous mountain climbing in a remote area. Fantastic scenery; top of the world. A tiny mistake can lead to death.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions: Ali Patel, terrorist leader, usually doesn’t get his hands dirty, and is an incredibly wealthy financier, with millions from dealing in illegal weapons and other criminal activities. He likes climbing and looks forward to a “fun” but challenging trek. The mystery: why did he make this particular trek? What does he want from Dr. Liza Graves? What does he think of Brett? What will he do to Brett if he finds out who he is? Will he be willing to take the lives of the innocent climbers to protect his (Ali’s) identity?

Brett Dean is an expert climber, chosen because of that expertise by his relatively new CIA employers. He is not an experienced operative, and is young. How will a young, inexperienced agent respond in these challenging circumstances? Will he survive the dangerous climb? Brett’s intrigue – not sure. [I’m having trouble with that category. What does “intrigue” of a character mean?] Bret is very ambitious? Determined to move up in his position at the CIA? Wants to be taken more seriously? Bret has other ideas for how this mission should be accomplished, that his bosses don’t share? Brett has a weakness of going off half-cocked, rather than planning everything through?

Dr. Liza Graves is a medical resident, deep in debt, who grew up in Colorado and has always loved mountain climbing. She is very idealistic and bright. She has been told that this expensive trek, for which she’s getting paid since she signed on to be medical officer, will bring food and medical supplies to poor indigenous people in the mountains. This sounds like heaven to her. Unbeknownst to everyone else, she’s fluent in Arabic. Her mystery: to whom will she be loyal? Suspense – like the others, will she survive the climb? Upon whom can she depend? Will she trust Brett? Intrigue: Dr. Liza Graves knows Arabic. She uncovers what’s going on, when others don’t realize she knows. What will she do with her information? Whom will she trust and whom will she betray?

[Mona Miller]

Subject line: Mona Deutsch Miller’s Big M.I.S.

Log line for Asuncion: FBI Agent Brett Dean, young and inexperienced, is an expert mountaineer. Pretending to be a tourist, he is sent to join a mountain climbing expedition of Asuncion, a high peak in South America, to keep an eye on his fellow mountaineers and to see if the group is helping a suspected terrorist training camp along the route. If possible, he is to determine the exact location of the terrorist training camp and to assassinate the leader of the terrorist cell.

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Will hero Brett Dean, an FBI [CIA?] agent, find and assassinate the leader of the terrorist cell, locate the terrorist cell’s whereabouts and survive the mountain climb? Who are the other people on this small mountaineering expedition? Are they all really just tourists who love mountaineering?

Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? Ali Patel, cerebral, well-dressed, sophisticated British-educated Pakistani, who participates in the expedition, is either the leader of the terrorist group or the number two man. Patel intends to convert idealistic Dr. Liza Graves, the medical doctor on the mountain climbing expedition, to his cause. He wants to make her both Chief Medical Officer for his terrorist cell and his mistress.

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? Enormous physical challenges climbing this mountain, even without being possibly surrounded by and dependent on people who would happily kill him if they knew who he really was; if Brett finds the location of the terrorist training camp, how will he complete his mission and get back down the mountain; is Liza for him or against him?

[Mona Miller]

Day 1 Assignment

Subject line: All the Old Knives

“What I learned doing this assignment is that if you confuse your audience, and set up things that don’t make sense, the movie will not work. Also, if I don’t really care very much about what happens to the characters, because I’m not interested in the characters, I won’t want to watch the movie.

Here’s the IMDB summary: Two CIA agents and ex-lovers (Chris Pine and Thandiwe Newton) are brought back together years after a failed rescue attempt and forced to blur the lines between profession and passion in this deeply riveting tale of global espionage, moral dilemma and deadly betrayal.

Unwitting
but Resourceful Hero: Following a botched hostage crisis on a plane, where
an undercover agent on board was killed and thrown off the plane, and all
passengers, crew and hijackers died, 8 years later the CIA re-opens a
review of what happened, because of concern that there was a mole in the
agency who contributed to this dreadful outcome. Chris Pine’s character, who was already
cleared in the initial post-incident investigation, is charged by the head of the office (Laurence
Fishburn) with determining whether his ex-lover and fellow agent, who left the CIA (played
by Thandiwe Newton), was the reason for the failure. He is supposed to kill her if he
determines she is the “mole.” She
ran away from him after the hijacking ended and all the passengers died,
and never explained why. There is a
telephone call to Iran during the middle of the crisis on the Station Head’s
[Jonathan Pryce] call log that is very suspicious. The Station Head denies
making the call. We find out deep
into the movie that the Station Head called Thandiwe Newton to warn her he
was raked over the coals and she should be prepared for the same
treatment. <div>

Dangerous
Villain: Who the “villains” are is
unclear, but they are certainly dangerous.

High
stakes: Yes, life and death. Finding a mole in the CIA.

Life
and death situations: Yes.

This
movie is thrilling because? The
premise was exciting, but this movie was confusing, boring, and did not
always make sense. It was a chore
to get through it. I didn’t care
about the characters. The ending,
however, was extremely surprising and dramatic, and sort of made
sense.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big
Mystery: Who is the mole? Will Chris Pine actually go ahead and
cause the death of this woman he truly loved if she turns out to be the
mole? She now has a normal life, with a husband and young children. Will he actually cause her to lose her life? [Subsidiary mystery: Back at the time of the crisis, 8 years before, are the messages coming
from the undercover agent on the plane real? The two messages are totally different
in style. Was the first message his
message, and the second message sent by someone purporting to be him?] [It turns out that Chris Pine was the
mole, but he only betrayed the agency in order to save Thandiwe Newton.] </div><div>

Big
Intrigue: What was the role of the Station Head [Jonathan Pryce]? Who is betraying whom? Seems like everyone has something to
hide.

Big
Suspense: What will happen at the
dinner/interrogation between Chris Pine and Thandiwe Newton? Will Chris
Pine tell his assassin (on standby at the restaurant) to kill Thandiwe
Newton if he feels she is lying to him? The long scene in the restaurant didn’t work and didn’t keep me on the edge of my seat.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? It was NOT a great thriller.

</div>

[Mona Miller]

Mona Deutsch Miller

I agree to the terms of this release form.

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NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Mona Miller]

Mona Deutsch Miller

I’ve written four movie scripts, an original TV pilot, and two spec scripts (for Northern Exposure and Monk, which tells you I’ve been around for a while). I also wrote and produced a short movie for the 48 Hour Film Project in 2014. I’m a playwright, and have written 4 full length plays and lots of shorter plays.

I really want to up my screenwriting game significantly. I have written a screen drama with some thriller and horror elements (bad, bad – I just learned that from Hal!) and have an idea for a pure thriller, but I need lots of help.

I grew up in a large family that loved music. Both my older sisters became world class professional musicians (one is a retired concert pianist, the other is a composer), so I got to hear the entire classical piano repertoire worked from the inside out every day from babyhood on. (We had two pianos in the house so they could both practice when I was very small.) I love classical music (and blues, jazz, folk and many other styles). Brahms is my favorite composer.