[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Phone Pitch

Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

• Lead with a High Concept.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi, I’m Monica and I have a female character who has a near-death experience and meets God who has a mission for her if she chooses to accept it.

3. Give us a one or two-sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

• What’s the budget range? The budget is in the $15-20Million range.

• Who do you see in the main roles? Emily Hampshire, Jonathan Bailey, and someone like Anthony Hopkins as God.

• How many pages is the script? 110

• Why do you think this fits our company? Because you have produced fantasy and drama films before.

• How does the movie end? The film ends with Emily choosing a new guardian and being rewarded with a successful writing career.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Pitch Fest Pitch

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep the pitch brief and to the point.

Create your entire Pitch Fest Pitch.

1. Tell us your credibility.

I am a screenwriter and have finished in the top 20 percentile in Titan and Big Break Screenplay competitions.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

I have a drama/fantasy screenplay entitled Forgiving Emily.

3. What is your one or two-sentence hook?

What if a near-death experience brought you face-to-face with Heaven, but your divine mission was riddled with celestial pitfalls?

4. Please give your one or two-sentence answer to each of these questions:

• What is the budget range?

The budget for this movie would be in the middle budget range of $15-20 Million.

• What actors do you like for the lead roles?

For the leading actors in the screenplay, someone like Emily Hampshire for Emily; Jonathan Bailey for Paul, and Anthony Hopkins for God.

• Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1 – Writer Emily, an alcoholic, has a near-death experience during her suicide, and meets God in the celestial library. God has a mission for her – write a series of articles to entice humans to work on their spirituality.

Act 2 – Emily moves in with her brother Paul. Emily can access the celestial library and meets the souls of imprisoned writers and their jailer, a demon named Donahue, the guardian of the library.

Act 3 – Donahue doesn’t want Emily to succeed and thwarts her efforts at every turn. Until Emily discovers he’s a pretender and frees the real guardian of the library.

Act 4 – The demon Donahue and the real guardian face off in a battle for the library refereed by the Archangel Michael. They both lose and Emily must name a new guardian. She names Charles Dickens.

• How does it end? (set-up/payoff).

Emily is in recovery and is rewarded with the writing career she has always wanted and continues to write spiritually uplifting material amongst other writings.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Query Letter

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

Dear [Producer’s Name],

What if a near-death experience brought you face-to-face with Heaven, but your divine mission was riddled with celestial pitfalls?

Forgiving Emily, is a drama/fantasy that explores humanity’s fragile relationship with faith through a writer on the edge of despair. Armed only with her words and a fragile belief in herself, she faces an impossible task: inspire and awaken humanity to its lost connection with the Divine, without losing herself in the process.

Yet, Heaven is not the serene paradise portrayed by religion. Heaven holds adversaries and obstacles are set by powerful, self-serving demons intent on keeping humanity’s spiritual path veiled.

Our hero’s journey is both inspiring and perilous. As she confronts her own doubts, battles ancient, angelic forces, and ultimately, finds the courage to spark a renewed connection between Heaven and Earth.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Best regards,
Monica E. Arisman.

Email: marisman@shaw.ca
Mobile: 403-850-4279
https://ca.linkedin.com/in/monica-e-arisman-30a860112
Mailing Address: P.O. Box 2024
Cochrane, AB, CANADA

• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is understanding how to use different pitches in different situations.

High Concept

• What’s at stake?

• Goal/Unique Opposition

High Concept: After a near-death experience, a struggling writer is tasked by God to rekindle humanity's connection with the Divine—but first, she must outwit the demons hiding in Heaven’s ranks who aim to sabotage her mission.

Elevator Pitch: I am just finishing up a story that answers the question, What would happen if a struggling writer was given a second chance to change the world, but had to confront Heaven’s dark secrets first?

• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Synopsis Hooks

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is a process that can be used not only for screenwriting but for other writing mediums.

Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

• A struggling writer commits suicide and meets God. She survives her NDE to be “reborn”.

• God wants Emily to help him bring humanity back to their divine nature which causes all sorts of problems.

• The souls of forgotten writers have been trapped in books in the celestial library until Emily opens a book and frees one of their souls.

• There are demons in heaven! The demon has imprisoned the real guardian of the library.

• What’s the point of a good vs evil story without a battle for souls?

• Afraid of commitment Emily finds the courage to date after her articles are successful.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Has Amazing Dialogue!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that, with the Skill Mastery Sheet as a guide, I could go through the script pretty fast.

Right now, as I am fighting the story, I reviewed Act 1. That part is working for me. I wanted to give my God character a playful, cheeky, sense of humour, to make an eternal being relatable and add some depth to the character. I’m concentrating on the interaction between Emily and God first. The next two characters will be Emily and Paul as they have the most interaction together.

Emily and God only have two scenes together but they are integral scenes (94 lines of dialogue).

BEFORE:

EMILY
Am I dead?

GOD
Yes. And, no. You are what we call a Transient. You are here for a short time. And, then, I’ll send you back. And, you will change your life.

Emily stands and bows her head.

GOD
No. No. There will be none of that Earthly religious hocus pocus here.

AFTER: Using the subtext pointer of misdirection.

EMILY
Am I dead?

GOD
Yes. And… no. Let’s say you’re a “Transient.” You’re here for a while, long enough to see some things. Then, I’ll send you back, and you’ll change your life. No pressure.

(Emily stands and bows her head.)

GOD
Oh, none of that. We don’t do the Earthly ritual thing here—it’s not my style.

BEFORE:

EMILY
God has a computer. And, a library.

GOD
I’m showing you this because I have a mission for you. You feel you’re lost and don’t fit in the reality in which you live. That’s because the reality you live in, how do I put this, sucks.

Emily nods.

GOD
The people of Earth have lost their connection with the Divine. And, I would like you to nudge them back.

EMILY
Why don’t you just, you know, speak through a burning bush? Or, send another flood. Or, make a computer patch and fix all the ills of the world.

GOD
Excellent suggestions. But that wasn’t me. The flood was a natural disaster precipitated by the sun’s activity. The burning bush was a disgruntled, banished alien who made mischief on Earth pretending to be me. The computer patch is being worked on.
(beat)
But in the meantime, I don’t want to coerce anyone. I want them to have their soul speak to them. And, I think with your writing style, you can speak to their souls.

EMILY
I don’t know. I haven’t been able to make a go of it so far. Can I not just stay here? Everything’s so peaceful. And, I’m so tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

GOD
Emily, listen, you are more than welcome to stay. But eventually, you will have to be re-born and finish what your soul set out to do before you can go on to bigger and better things. Is that what you want?

AFTER:

EMILY
God has a computer… and a library.

GOD
Yes, and a coffee machine—celestial roast. But listen, I’m showing you this because I have a mission for you. You feel lost, out of place, like reality’s a puzzle missing a few pieces. That’s because, well, it kinda is. (leans in) It sucks.

EMILY
(sighs, nodding) Yeah, I noticed.

GOD
The people of Earth—they’ve drifted from their Divine spark. And I’d like you to nudge them back, gently.

EMILY
Why don’t you just, you know, go big? Burning bush, massive flood, maybe even a cosmic software update?

GOD
All brilliant ideas, but… fun fact: that wasn’t actually me. The flood was a solar tantrum; the bush, a prank by a grumpy alien pretending to be me. And that update? (beat) In beta testing—between us, it’s buggy. But I don’t want to force people back to me; I’d rather they find their own way. And you, with that sharp, stubborn pen of yours, might just get them listening to their own souls.

EMILY
(incredulous)
Me? I haven’t exactly been the world’s most successful writer. (pauses, longing) Can’t I just stay here? It’s peaceful. And I’m… I’m tired, God. More than tired.

GOD
(sighs warmly)
I know, Emily. But if you stay, you’ll just end up back on Earth, reincarnated, tackling these same challenges again. You can stay as long as you like, but at some point, you’ll need to finish what you started. (smiles) Your soul’s got big plans, you know.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Has Incredible Monologues!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the process of writing a monologue. I don’t know if I did it right, but at least I have the framework in which I can elevate the quality in later drafts (ChatGPT also helped!).

Emily’s monologue highlights her frustration with her brother, Paul, who is her only surviving family member. It highlights her wound of never feeling good enough growing up because Paul received all the attention. And, her resolve to be just as good or not better than him.

"How much greatness has been denied the world? How many voices like mine, brilliant and desperate to be heard, have been lost… because they were born to parents who were just too broken, or too worn out, to notice? Or maybe… maybe they noticed, but they didn’t want to. They couldn’t face a child’s potential when their own dreams had already turned to dust.

Do you know what it feels like to spend your whole life in the shadow of someone who’s already shining? Paul – my brother, my only family left. He was everything they wanted – perfect grades, and endless praise. The golden child. He didn’t even have to try; he just… fit. And there I was, right beside him, reaching out, screaming in my own quiet way. And no one saw me. I was the afterthought, the complication they had to juggle, never the center of attention.

Maybe that’s the real tragedy, isn’t it? The way people like me get pushed aside, swept under the rug while everyone celebrates the Pauls of the world. How much brilliance have we lost to that – that neglect, that… blindness? How many inventions, stories, cures… gone, because someone didn’t know where to turn? Because they didn’t have a single person who could say, ‘You matter. Your voice matters.’

I used to think I could beat it – that I could write my way out of this darkness. But now? All I see is how far I still am from being enough. And that is my wound, isn’t it? That emptiness, that hunger for something I’m afraid I’ll never find.

But maybe… maybe that’s why I have to keep going. Not for anyone else. Not for them. For me. For everyone who’s ever been silenced. Because if I don’t push through, if I don’t write these stories, who will? That’s what I learned from meeting God. I had to die to be resurrected. I had to sacrifice to be saved. And, I’ll be damned if I let you or anyone else stand in my way of greatness."

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica is great at Subtext Pointers!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is I wrote a lot of what I thought was sub-text in the first drafts. Now I just have to go through with these labels and explanations and try to elevate the dialogue. I also used ChatGPT to help me as subtext is still difficult for me to write.

Scene 1: Paul is taking Emily to an AA meeting.

BEFORE:

EMILY
I’ve written a million stories, but I can’t seem to rewrite this chapter of my life… I don’t think I’m ready to face it yet.

PAUL
You have to do this. You can't keep drifting. And, your dream of being a successful writer hasn’t materialized.
(beat)
Now let’s go.

Sub-text Pointer: Hint

AFTER:

EMILY
I’ve written a million stories, but somehow this one… I can’t seem to find the right words. Maybe I’m just not ready for it.

PAUL
If you wait for the perfect draft, you’ll never put pen to paper. You’ve been stuck, Emily. The dream—our dream—won’t write itself.
(beat)
Now, let’s go.

Scene 3: Emily demands Paul stop the car as they leave the AA meeting.

BEFORE:

PAUL
Hey! Where are you going?

EMILY
(over her shoulder)
Away from you.

PAUL
Why?

EMILY
You don’t even know, do you?

Sub-text Pointer: Sarcasm

AFTER:

PAUL
Hey! Where are you going?

EMILY
(over her shoulder)
Anywhere that’s not here.

PAUL
Why?

EMILY
(smirking)
Wow, you really have no idea, do you?

Scene 7: Emily meets God after she “dies”.

EMILY
Where the hell am I?

GOD
This is the After-Life. And, you really shouldn’t use the h-word.

EMILY
Sorry. Am I dead?

GOD
Yes. And, no. You are what we call a Transient. You are here for a short time. And, then, I’ll send you back. And, you will change your life.

Emily stands and bows her head.

GOD
No. No. There will be none of that Earthly religious hocus pocus here.

Sub-text Pointer: Metaphor

AFTER:

EMILY
Where the hell am I?

GOD
(raising an eyebrow)
This is the Waiting Room between worlds. And watch the language—you’re not exactly in Kansas anymore.

EMILY
Sorry. So… I’m…dead?

GOD
Yes. And, no. You’re what we call a Traveler. Just passing through. Soon enough, I’ll send you back, and you’ll rewrite your own story.

Emily stands, bowing her head.

GOD
No, no, none of that Earthly ritualistic pageantry. We’re not putting on a show here.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica loves Covering Subtext!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is the different methods of sub-text. I don’t think I knew this which made “getting” sub-text a long process for me. This is much easier with the labels.

Scenes updated with sub-text covers:

Scene 3, 7, 8, 13, 15, 20, 22, 25, 35, 36, 43

I have more work to do on the script and will build in more subtext as I go along.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica loves Anticipatory Dialogue

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different ways to write anticipatory dialogue to move the story in the direction you want the audience’s attention to focus on.

• 1. Direct prediction – Scene 7 – When God tells Emily she will change her life.

• 2. Indirect prediction – Scene 1 – Emily predicts that she can’t rewrite this current chapter of her life even though she’s written hundreds of stories.

• 3. Countdown – Scene 13 – Paul wants to thank the staff for all their hard work with an afternoon “tea”.

• 4. Imply consequences – Scene 7 – As God and Emily tour the library – God says the computer patch is being worked on (implying humanity has a limited time left until…).

• 5. Imply hopelessness – Scene 2 – Emily says she’s out of places to hide.

• 6. Shield from consequences in advance – Scene 10 – Dickens tells Emily if you release an author from a book but then close the book, the author has to return to the book. Need to leave as many books open as possible.

• 7. Warnings – Scene 21 – Dickens warns Emily it’s not safe as long as Donahue is around because he’s unpredictable and who knows what he’d do to Emily.

• 8. Create reputation for the villain – Scene 10 – When Emily encounters Donahue she asks him what kind of library guardian is he to treat books with such disrespect.

• 9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence – Scene 30 – God confronts Donahue reminding him that God sees all, hears all, and knows all.

• 10. A challenge issued – Scene 22 – The author’s explain the intricacies of the After-Life to Emily and the challenge is to send Donahue packing and release the real guardian of the library.

• 11. Silence at a strange time – Scene to be added when Emily overhears Paul planning something that has to do with her and she confronts him.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different viewpoints a writer can use to make dialogue more engaging.

Scene 38 – INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Emily confronts Donahue and the dialogue contains most of the opposing viewpoints. Still needs some work.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Emily looks around. Her computer has been transported to the library. She stands outside the closet. Knocks. The closet door opens. Emily enters.

CHARLES
Emily. How did you bring your computer with you?

EMILY
I don’t know.

CHARLES
The library sees you as an extension of itself.

EMILY
What do you mean?

CHARLES
Emily. Have you not figured it out? The library is alive and has accepted you. This could be a way to get rid of Donahue.

EMILY
But why me? Why couldn’t one of you have been chosen?

CHARLES
I don’t know. Maybe because God chose you and you’ve proven how brave you are.

The door bangs open. Donahue enters. His appearance has changed. He is stooped and his ethereal body has dark spots where nothing is there.

DONAHUE
So this is where you all are.

CHARLES
You don’t look so well, Donahue.

DONAHUE
Really. I’ll be fine when I rid the library of this intruder. And, send you all back into your books.

EMILY
I don’t think so.

DONAHUE
You have no power here woman. God is busy somewhere else and won’t be able to rescue you.

Donahue advances on Emily. Emily lays her computer on the desk. But it floats. She turns towards Donahue and smiles.

EMILY
You are wrong guardian. So wrong.

Emily throws her arms straight up. The air shimmers. The souls of forgotten writers make a semi-circle around Emily. Donahue glares at them.

DONAHUE
I know you’ve released the other guardian. Where is he?

EMILY
Somewhere you’ll never find him.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dialogue Structures

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to practice dialogue structures until I understand them better.

• A. Setup / Major Twist
Scene 3 – INT/EXT. CAR – NIGHT
In this scene, Emily and Paul are returning from the AA meeting when she demands to get out of the car. The set-up here is after Emily storms off, Paul decides to kill her. He needs her share of the inheritance and doesn’t have time for her theatrics.

• B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue
Scene 14 – INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
In this scene, Emily has returned to her childhood home after her failed suicide attempt and she and Paul are having breakfast. Paul is resolved to put his plan in motion but needs her to write a will, which of course, he’ll be the benefactor.

• C. Subtext Drives The Meaning
Scene 20 – EXT. ESTATE GROUNDS –DAY
In this scene, Emily is exercising her puppy. She comes face-to-face with a stranger near the woods. The stranger tries to warn her of Paul’s plan.

• D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue
Scene 31 – INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY
In this scene, Donahue visits Emily but her puppy won’t start barking. Donahue decides to shut it up for good. Emily starts to recite a prayer and as she continues Donahue starts to burn. (It had been set up previously that Donahue was not Satan but…).

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Dialogue

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment it was rather fun using the character profiles and then putting oneself into the character and brainstorming a better line of dialogue. I used ChatGPT to help after I wrote a prompt.

3. Tell us how many lines you rewrote for each character and give us three of your favorites just for fun.

I’ve rewritten three lines for the Protagonist and Antagonist. Only because I need to do a major rewrite to catch up on Modules 6 and 7.

Emily:
The scene where she is being dragged to her first AA meeting by her brother.

Previous: I don’t think I can do this.

New: I’ve written a million stories, but I can’t seem to rewrite this chapter of my life… I don’t think I’m ready to face it yet.

The scene where she addresses the AA meeting.

Previous: I don’t want to be here. But I don’t know what to do anymore.

New: I’ve spent so long pretending I’ve got it together… but the truth is, I’m out of places to hide.

The scene where God is asking her to help bring spirituality back to the world.

Previous: Screw that. What do you need me to do?

New: Another lifetime of this? Hard pass. Point me to the problem, and I’ll take care of it.

The scene where Donahue first encounters Emily alone in the library.

Previous: You there. What do you think you are doing?

New: You stand at the edge of a precipice, meddling with forces far beyond your understanding. Why?

The scene is where Donahue sweeps his arms across his desk scattering books, etc., and is challenged by Emily as to what kind of Guardian treats books with such disrespect.

Previous: And, who are you to question me?

New: These books are mere shadows compared to what I protect. And you dare question my methods?

The scene where God confronts Donahue after watching Donahue throw a rage-filled tantrum.

Previous: I didn’t see you there. I apologize.

New: Your arrival was… unexpected. I regret my outburst.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Interest

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is a process to go through a script and quickly add more interest techniques.

Scenes to elevate:

Opening

I’ve brainstormed Paul being an evil little shit. Added a scene where Paul is implementing his BETRAYAL to push Emily over the edge to gain access to her inheritance.

Protagonist Introduction

By adding an INTERNAL DILEMMA, there is an escalation of UNCERTAINTY – will Emily suffer a complete mental breakdown?

This adds an UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT and a SUPERIOR POSITION for the audience because her brother is trying to gain access to her share of the inheritance.

Antagonist Introduction

God introduces Emily to Donahue. By adding a MAJOR TWIST we discover that Donahue is influencing Paul’s actions.

Set-ups/Reveals

Added in the set-up of Donahue manipulating Paul. And, Paul drugs Emily to think she’s visiting the After-Life. The reveal is she is visiting the After-Life and is being helped by the souls of forgotten writers.

Set up their parent's car accident and death. Reveal Paul was behind it all in the first place.

Most Dramatic Moments

Scene 8 – INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

• Character Changes Radically – Emily wakes up from her coma a different person because she has died and met God and returned to this life. This affects Paul because he was plotting to have her committed.

Scene 14 – INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

• Intrigue and Surprise – Paul wants to try and repair his relationship with Emily.

Scene 17 – INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY

• Superior Position – we know Paul is trying to push her over the edge and Emily struggles with alcohol. Will she drink? Or, can she summon the courage to not drink?

Scene 20 – EXT. ESTATE – DAY

• Intrigue and Betrayal – Paul has hired someone to torment Emily so he can place her in an institution because he needs her share of the inheritance for a shady business deal.

• Surprise – The ghosts of their parents are coming to save Emily and thwart Paul’s plans as they chase the tormenter through the woods.

Scene 36 – INT. PRISON CELL – NIGHT

• Introduced the real Guardian of the After-Life with an Uncomfortable Moment because the After-Life is supposed to be love and peace and happiness and this introduction is anything but.

THE BIG TWIST – (I thought of as I was doing this assignment – don’t know if it will work or not!) – Paul has been drugging Emily and using subliminal suggestions to think she’s visiting the After-Life as he tries to send her over the edge of sanity! All for her share of the inheritance that hasn’t been distributed yet. He’s the reason their parents are dead!

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Emotion!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s not as easy as it sounds. I struggled with this and that’s maybe because I was already thinking about emotions as I was writing it.

Scene 8 – INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Essence – Emily wakes up from a coma after her suicide attempt.

Emotional Prompt: Did everything they were supposed to, but it still isn’t working.

Version A: Frustration – Emily doesn’t know where to turn anymore. Everyone that says they want to help her always costs her more money, or more frustration.

Version B: Desperation – After the last rejection letter, Emily has run out of money and avenues, that’s why she tried to kill herself. She tries to make Paul understand this as her soul is at risk.

Version C: Disappointment – Emily feels she’s a disappointment to her brother and that her expectations of herself have not been met.

Scene 14 – INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Essence – Paul and Emily decide to try to repair their relationship to what it was before their parent’s accident and death.

Emotional Prompt: Loss/Disappointments/Redemption

Version A: Loss – The loss of their parents forced both of them into a situation neither were prepared to deal with.

Version B: Disappointments – Paul is disappointed in Emily for trying to kill herself but he is also disappointed in himself because he doesn’t know how to help her without her feeling he doesn’t understand her.

Version C: Redemption – Recognizing they are both struggling they make a plan to do better by being more open with each other.

Scene 17 – INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY

Essence – Emily is tempted to drink again and stares at the collection of alcohol in the sitting room.

Emotional Prompts: Experiencing Distress, Struggle, Dilemma

Possible Emotional Events

Experiencing Distress – Emily finds that to write an article within the guidelines Donahue has indicated is causing her to panic.

Struggle – Emily is finding it difficult to write without alcohol.

Dilemma – If she drinks, then her writing will follow but could lead to another relapse. However, if she doesn’t drink she won’t be able to write and her frustration will grow.

Scene 20 – EXT. ESTATE – DAY

Essence – Emily takes her puppy for a run around the estate grounds and sees a shadowy figure at the edge of the woods.

Emotional Prompt: Make it more painful.

Version A: Loss – The shadowy figure in the woods could be the ghost of her dead mother trying to help her from the After-Life.

Version B: Hope/Fear – The shadowy figure wants Emily to follow him as he’s been sent by Donahue and he will assault her until she is close to death again.

Version C: Impact on Others – The situation is dangerous but Emily starts into the woods without thinking because she doesn’t have anything to lose anymore.

Scene 27 – INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence – Donahue comes to read the story she wrote and makes changes. Then he tries to trick her into drinking an elixir to steal her soul to make her famous.

Emotional Prompts: Experiencing Distress, Struggle, Bullied, Hope/Fear

Possible Emotional Events

Experiencing Distress – Donahue wants an article that will cause so much pain and chaos and he stands over her until she makes the changes he demands.

Struggle – Emily finds it difficult to write without alcohol and starts shaking.

Bullied – Donahue bullies Emily to do what he wants and tries to dangle riches in front of her if she just takes a drink.

Hope/Fear – Donahue says he has the power to make her parent’s experience in the After-Life torturous.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dramatic Reveals!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to elevate my reveals. I didn’t think the ones I wrote in Module 4 were strong enough.

List of all the reveals:

 In the beginning, we don’t know Emily is an alcoholic.

 What is the DEMAND?
The audience doesn’t know the struggles Emily has. She looks like just a normal woman having a normal life.

 What is being REVEALED?
Revealing that she is an alcoholic and she’s out of control.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY?
She receives a letter and trashes her apartment. Then starts drinking uncontrollably. – This violence is a rewrite of the reveal.

 Emily can access the Library in the After-Life even though she’s not dead.

 What is the DEMAND? Emily has a near-death experience and survives.

 What is being REVEALED? As the story goes on she just has to think about the Library and she is there.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? When Donahue gives her a writing assignment but makes the theme too difficult for her to write she ends up in the After-Life with the souls of forgotten writers with her laptop.

 Donahue is the Guardian of the Library but in reality, he’s a demon.

 What is the DEMAND? God introduces Emily to Donahue as the Guardian of the Library.

 What is being REVEALED? Donahue is a demon and thinks he has fooled God for a long time.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY?
Emily thwarts Donahue at every turn until he finally snaps. – It is presented by Donahue trying to kill Emily’s puppy but Emily stops him revealing her increasing powers.

 The souls of forgotten writers have been trapped in the celestial books by Donahue.

 What is the DEMAND?
In the Library Emily opens a book and out pops Charles Dickens.

 What is being REVEALED?
It is revealed that Donahue trapped the souls of writers in books so they wouldn’t tell God about his diabolical nature.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY?
Emily starts opening as many books as she can releasing the souls of writers.

 Emily is a special soul who can wield the power of the Library.

 What is the DEMAND? Emily was chosen by God for a reason.

 What is being REVEALED? To reveal that the Library is alive.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY?
Emily learns she can enter the Library at any time and bring her laptop with her. – The rewrite shows that once Emily realizes this she experiments with tormenting Donahue.

 Emily can access magical powers in the After-Life.

 What is the DEMAND?
Plan to get rid of Donahue and free all the souls of forgotten writers.

 What is being REVEALED?
To reveal the magic of the Library and how to access it.

 How is it presented DRAMATICALLY?
The only way to get rid of a demon is to access dark magic.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Loves Character Depth!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is using these tools effectively to elevate characters in a draft.

2. Use each of the Character Depth Tools to discover what you can.

• Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.

Emily – Protagonist

1. Paul drags Emily to an AA meeting because her drinking is out of control.

2. Emily receives another rejection letter for her novel and starts to drink.

3. Due to the rejection letter Emily writes a suicide note, downs a bottle of Advil, and continues drinking.

4. Emily has a near-death experience in which she finds herself in a large Library and meets God.

5. The After-Life is nothing like religion tells us. There is no judgment only love. God has a special mission for Emily but first, she must meet Donahue, the Guardian of the Library.

6. Emily awakes in the hospital and is excited to get her mission going.

7. Paul takes Emily to their childhood home where he has renovated an apartment for her and gives her, a puppy!

8. Emily visits the library in her dreams and encounters one of the souls of forgotten writers who has been trapped in a book apparently by Donahue.

9. Donahue finds Emily in the library and has her first assignment for her.

10. Back in her apartment Emily looks over the assignment but its directions are gibberish. A book falls out of the ether to help her translate the directions.

11. Emily’s anxiety returns and she sneaks down to the drawing room to get a drink of alcohol.

12. As Emily pours herself a drink she catches her reflection in the mirror and turns away.

13. Emily finishes writing and takes the puppy outside where she encounters a shadowy figure watching her from the woods (need to explore this!).

14. Emily makes her nightly trip to the library where she discovers universal truths that haven’t been taught in the world’s religions and that the real Guardian has been imprisoned. Also, during her trips, she opens more books and sends the souls of the trapped writers to the others.

15. After her discussion with the writers in the After-Life Emily sits down at her computer to discover the keys typing themselves.

16. Donahue visits Emily in her apartment to review the article and rewrite it.

17. Donahue tries to give Emily an elixir to make her successful but she throws it in his face.

18. Emily enlists the help of the writers because Donahue’s changes to her article will cause chaos on Earth.

19. The writers help Emily and she publishes the article.

20. Donahue visits Emily enraged and tries to kill her puppy but she summons her power and hurts Donahue.

21. Against her better efforts Donahue still got his way and unleashed hell on Earth by manipulating Emily’s article – she blames herself.

22. Emily and the writers meet and free the imprisoned Guardian.

23. After the chaos, Emily writes another article to calm the masses.

24. Emily visits the library and her computer comes with her. Her power is increasing.

25. Donahue catches Emily visiting the library and he vows to destroy her and send all the writers back into their book prisons.

26. Emily weaves a story to wound Donahue but it fails sending her and her computer crashing back to her apartment where Emily is tempted to drink.

27. Emily sits down to write another article when the souls of the forgotten writers pop out of books in her apartment.

28. Emily and one of the writers work on magic to get rid of Donahue once and for all.

29. Emily and the writers summon an Archangel to deal with Donahue. A great battle ensues between Donahue and the real Guardian of the library.

30. Emily is tasked with choosing a new guardian.

31. Emily achieves her dream of being a successful writer.

To elevate this Character

A. Have Emily struggle more with her alcoholism. Maybe even introduce smoking dope to eliminate the cravings.

B. Have Emily recognize that Donahue is in over his head and needs help to move forward.

Donahue – Antagonist

1. Donahue is the Guardian of the Library and he believes he’s ruler of the After-Life.

2. Donahue wasn’t appointed by this God and he has silenced those who know by trapping them in the books in the library.

3. Donahue gives Emily her assignment and warns her to stay out of the library.

4. Emily is thwarting Donahue and he throws a hissy fit which is witnessed by God who warns Donahue to act like a guardian or face the consequences.

5. Donahue visits Emily to review the article and to make changes.

6. Donahue tries to give Emily an elixir under the guise of it making her successful but so that he can control her.

7. Donahue is enraged because Emily changed his changes to the article.

8. Donahue confronts Emily and tries to kill the puppy to teach her a lesson.

9. Donahue unleashes hell on Earth.

10. Donahue discovers where the souls of the forgotten writers have been hanging out.

11. Donahue hurts Emily.

12. Donahue is confronted by the writers and Archangel Michael.

13. Donahue must fight the real Guardian to see who stays guardian of the library.

14. Donahue is defeated and banished to be retrained.

To elevate this Character

A. To elevate this character, Donahue must have some fear he is hiding, discover it, and use it against him.

B. In my character profiles, I made Donahue a lesser demon (living in Heaven!) who is protecting some of the juicier stories from escaping – when he doesn’t get his way he releases a couple of these stories.

• Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?

What is Emily hiding from us?

• Her addiction isn’t just to alcohol but also drugs which she has hidden very well. But the withdrawal symptoms are getting worse.
What is Donahue hiding from us?

• Donahue is hiding that he’s gone over to the dark side. To keep souls in line, especially the souls of forgotten writers, Donahue threatens to release stories they wrote that would have been controversial for their time period.

• Donahue fears he will be found to be a lesser demon instead of a heavenly being.

• Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?

Emily Trigger: smelling some of the outside staff smoking weed. Reaction: Steals a joint from them and smokes it.

Trigger: More stealing and smoking dope. Reaction: She gives the outside staff money to get her some weed. As she writes she has a joint hanging out of her mouth.

Trigger: The man in the woods used to be her partner but they broke up. Reaction: When she discovers this she steals some alcohol from the drawing room and gets drunk.

Trigger: Donahue’s aggressive behaviour towards her. Reaction: Abuse valium.

Write these in and have Emily be found unconscious in her vomit and she has to start again.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Solved Scene Problems!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to make the script better with this grid. It helps you challenge every scene.

Most of my scenes involve fleshing out more of the story. I have made notes as ideas came to me. I’ve a couple of exposition filled scenes. Now I just have to continuing to write with the notes I have made.

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica is Cliché Busting!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is you have to be always vigilant in writing. I’m always cognizant of clichés but sometimes they sneak in.

For the first time since I started screenwriting, I can say that I have not written any cliché scenes! However, I am beginning to wonder about a couple of scenes I have in another script I’ve been trying to market.

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Solved Character Problems!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is a framework to catch character issues at the beginning of the writing process rather than after several rewrites.

2. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.

• A. Generic Lead Characters. – No.

• B. Weak protagonist or antagonist. – No

• C. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad. The antagonist needs to be a bit more “evil” and then in the end be the final reason the protagonist change is complete.

• D. Weak character intros. – No.

• E. Characters not in action. – Maybe – will review as they are talking while doing action.

• F. The Protagonist’s journey is not strong. No.

• G. All the characters seem the same. – No.

• H. Lead characters not present. – No.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Structure Solutions!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is for the most part I stuck with the pitch. I added scenes to make the pitch and story stronger. But still needs more rewriting to make the story more powerful.

CURRENT BEAT SHEET with Changes

1 EXT./INT. CAR NIGHT – Original to Outline

2 INT. AA MEETING – CONTINUOUS – Original to Outline

3 INT./EXT. CAR – NIGHT – Original to Outline

4 INT. APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON – Original to Outline – Inciting Incident – Emily’s Suicide

7 INT. LIBRARY – DAY – Original to Outline

8 INT. HOSPITAL – DAY – Original to Outline

9 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT – Original to Outline

10 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT – Original to Outline

11 INT. EMILY;S SUITE – DAY – Original to Outline

12 INT. HOUSE – DAY NEW

13 INT. PAUL’S OFFICE – DAY NEW

14 INT. DINING ROOM – DAY NEW

15 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY – Original to Outline – but had to rewrite this scene because I had forgotten to show her almost relapsing into bad behavior because she couldn’t figure out her story – scenes 16 and 17.

16. INT. HOUSE – DAY NEW

17. INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY NEW

18 INT. EMILY’s SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

19 EXT. ESTATE – DAY NEW Takes puppy outside. Sees a stranger. I must flesh this part out more.

20 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT NEW

21 INT. CLOSET – CONTINUOUS NEW

22 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

23 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

24 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Although this is an original scene, it is now showing God and Donahue’s relationship and why Donahue is unfit as a Guardian of the Library.

25 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT NEW due to Scene 24

26 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

27 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

28 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Original to Outline

29 INT. GOD’S COMPUTER ROOM – CONTINUOUS NEW – I added this scene as I wanted to explore the idea of “simulation theory”. And, how Donahue is manipulating it for evil.

30 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

31 INT. HOUSE – NIGHT (NTD: MONTAGE HERE) NEW

32 INT. BUNKER – NIGHT NEW

33 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

34 INT. PRISON CELL – CONTINUOUS NEW A visit to the imprisoned Guardian to free him (TP)

35 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline but needs another scene after this because she leaves the room with the dog and then returns.

36 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY NEW

37 INT. LIBRARY – DAY NEW

38 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT Original to Outline

39 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Original to Outline

40 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline but fleshed out more

41 EXT. DESOLATE BATTLEFIELD – NIGHT NEW A battle between Donahue and the Guardian that was freed and overseen by Archangel Michael. This is a combination of several scenes from the outline to make it more powerful.

42 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY NEW

43 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

44 EXT. HOUSE PARTY – NIGHT NEW

45 INT. HOUSE PARTY – NIGHT NEW Scenes 44 and 45 were added to show the resolution and Emily’s transformation in a more powerful way.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Has Finished Act 4!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

Tell us how it is going for you.

Finished Act 4! It’s shit. But it’s finished.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continues Act 4

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

How it’s going?

Found several scenes that could be combined. Combined them.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Started Act 4

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward and writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

How it’s going:

Finished the first third of the final Act. Had to insert a couple of extra scenes for it to make sense. Ideas are flowing, continue to add script notes so as not to forget them.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Finishing Act 3

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.
Tell us how it is going for you.

I’ve finished Act 3. However, I had to combine a couple of scenes because three of them took place in one place. Made a note to investigate once I’m done with the first draft.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continuing Act 3

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is not to quit – I will never quit – I’m too close to success.

Tell us how it is going for you.

There was a part of my outline where I thought, this doesn’t make sense. But I made a note and re-tooled what I wanted to say and kept going.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Began Act 3

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to ignore outside criticisms and not listen to that negative picky voice inside my head.

Tell us how it is going for you.

Discovered an outline issue. Corrected the slug lines and kept going.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Completed Act 2

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward.

Tell us how it is going for you.

I’m done Act 2 and I think it’s going well. Whenever I think of something else to put into the script I either make a script note or write it on the outline for later.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continuing Act 2

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the outline I wrote is pretty intuitive as to how this story unfolds. I now believe outlines are valuable.

How it’s going: I wrote another third of Act 2 as fast as I could. I’m not wordsmithing but I am correcting spelling – drives me crazy if a word is spelled wrong. Continue to input script notes where I want to go back and elevate.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Began Act 2

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I set two hours aside to write and I wrote half the second act.

How it’s going: I’m combining some scenes as they take place in the same location. And I’ve written in a couple of transition scenes. If an idea comes to me, I make a script note and keep going.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica's Finished Act 1

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly you can finish an act if you just focus.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Next Act 1 Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is to just write. However, I have noticed that I can combine some scenes – which I can correct in later drafts.

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

Tell us how it is going for you. It’s going well. Get in the zone and keep writing.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is to review the rules, then the outline for the scene and write.

Don’t post the scenes, but please tell us how you used the High-Speed Writing Rules and any insights you had about writing a first draft.

Reviewed the rules and the outline before writing. I did, however, make script notes so I wouldn’t forget some ideas that popped into my head. Then kept writing. Before I would ponder how I wanted to present the new idea and get bogged down. I have one more scene to write and I’m finished Act 1.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s High-Speed Writing Rules

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is to relax and write. Not to worry about perfection.

For this scene, focus all of your attention on writing it as fast as you can using this model.

I wrote five scenes in Final Draft.

Tell us how it went using the rules.

I reviewed the rules and what I wanted to accomplish in the scent, took a deep breath and just wrote. I had it done in 15 minutes. Whereas before, I’d agonize over the scene. So far so good.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica First Scene

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is I was able to write faster because I wasn’t focusing on anything else.

2. Go to the first scene in your outline and write it. Use everything from this lesson.

1. INT./EXT. CAR/AA MEETING – NIGHT

A large black SUV pulls into the parking lot of a church. Inside sit EMILY DAVIS, early-30s, and her brother MARK, mid-30s. They both stare out the windshield.

Emily’s eyes are bloodshot. Her hair is a rat's nest. She wears clothes too big for her.

EMILY
I’m not ready to do this.

MARK
You have to do this. You can’t keep
drifting. And, your dream of being a
successful writer hasn’t materialized.
(beat)
Now let’s go.

Mark opens his door. Slams it shut. Struts around to Emily’s side and opens her door. Emily swings her legs out. Stands. Ignores Mark’s hand to help her.

Emily pushes past Mark. At the steps to the church, she inhales deeply. Runs up the stairs.

AA MEETING

Emily and Mark find places to sit. The room is packed. Coffee and cookies are set up in the corner. At the podium, the MODERATOR calls the meeting to order.
After a few housekeeping reminders…

MODERATOR
Would anyone like to share?

Mark nudges Emily. Reluctantly, she raises her hand.

MODERATOR
Come on up honey. Tell us your name
and why you’ve come tonight.

The Moderator steps to the side as Emily slowly makes her way to the front. Takes a deep breath. Turns to face the crowd.

EMILY
My name is Emily. And, I guess I’m
an alcoholic.

EVERYONE
Hi Emily.

EMILY
I don’t want to be here. But I don’t know
what to do anymore.

3. Tell us how the process went for you.

The entire process took about 6 minutes. I just let it flow. But then I received my second set of feedback and had to revise the beginning. Then what you see now took about 10 minutes.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Everyone,
I have the following if you’d like to exchange.

TITLE: GOD’s LIBRARY

WRITTEN BY: Monica Arisman

GENRE: Drama/Fantasy

CONCEPT: When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.

Email: marisman@shaw.ca

Thanks.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Fascinating Scenes Outline

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is once you have all the elements in the scenes it should make it easier to write a good script. I also found that ChatGPT wasn’t too useful in this exercise because most of the scenes IT were repeated over and over and added a few of its own.

OUTLINE DRAFT 2

TITLE: GOD’s LIBRARY

GENRE: Drama/Fantasy

ACT 1

OPENING

1. INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Scene Arc: From Emily coming home from work, sitting down to write at her computer, to being drunk.

Essence: Emily is an alcoholic.

Conflict: Will the alcohol destroy her?

Subtext: She wants to be a successful writer.

Hope/fear: We hope she’ll stop drinking. We fear it will kill her and her dreams.

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Emily comes home from work and looks at an envelope from a publisher.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Emily opens a bottle of wine, pours herself a glass, and stares at it.

ENDING: (UNCERTAINTY) Gulps down the wine.

2. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Scene Arc: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily comes home from work. Opens her mail to another rejection letter.

Essence: The rejection letter pushes Emily over the edge.

Conflict: Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time of year. But another rejection letter ruins any Christmas spirit.

Subtext: Rage and frustration.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily calms down. Fear she’ll do herself harm.

BEGINNING: (UNCERTAINTY) Rips open the letter.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily starts crying and drinking glass after glass of wine.

ENDING: (SUSPENSE) Sirens in the background.

INCITING INCIDENT

3. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: From attempting suicide to having a near-death experience.

Essence: “Death is only the beginning.”

Conflict: Cannot even kill herself properly.

Subtext: It’s not Emily’s time to die.

Hope/fear: Hope she gets medical treatment ASAP. Fear she’ll have to return to her miserable life. (OR, Fear she dies.)

BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Emily stands in a huge library.

MIDDLE: (MISINTERPRETATION) Emily is confused. She should be dead.

ENDING: (MYSTERY) Where is Emily?

4. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Meets God who has a mission for her but she must return.

Essence: There is no death just a transition.

Conflict: Suicide is taboo so how can Emily meet God?

Subtext: God is all-loving and has a mission for each of us.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can stay with God. Fear she has to return and she won’t be able to fulfill her mission.

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Meets God which is contrary to her belief system.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) What does God want with Emily?

ENDING: (TWIST) God wants Emily to help Him/Her.

TURNING POINT

5. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Scene Arc: From being revived in the hospital to returning to her brother’s home.

Essence: Emily has always had love in her life.

Conflict: To tell or not to tell her NDE story.

Subtext: Help was always available, Emily just had to ask for it.

Hope/fear: Hope her brother would understand if she told him her story. Fear he’d laugh at her.

BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Emily has had an NDE.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily has to tell her story to her brother.

ENDING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Emily’s brother loves her and takes her home with him to recuperate. Emily didn’t think she had love in her life.

6. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily returns with her brother to his home where a puppy greets her and she starts to have visions of the library.

Essence: Donahue greets Emily and tells her he is the guardian of the library and will help her with her mission.

Conflict: Emily doesn’t trust Donahue.

Subtext: Why does God’s library need a guardian?

Hope/fear: Hope Donahue is who he says he is. Fear he’s a demon in disguise.

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Emily has her own suite in her brother’s big house and a puppy.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily doesn’t trust Donahue.

ENDING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Should Emily trust Donahue or should she attempt to contact God?

ACT 2

NEW PLAN

7. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers. Donahue guides Emily to a hidden section of the library where ancient scripts glow with an otherworldly light. He presents Emily with a cryptic outline written in an ancient language, which she must decipher to progress.

Essence: There is more to this library than meets the eye.

Conflict: The outline is written in a cryptic language that Emily must decipher to move on to the works of the forgotten writers.

Subtext: Emily’s job is to finish their creations which were all drafted to bring spirituality back to humanity. But first must decipher an outline for her first article.

Hope/fear: Hope that Emily can pass the test. Fear of what will happen to her if she fails.

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) The library with forgotten souls of writers.

MIDDLE: (UNCERTAINTY) How is Emily supposed to decipher a cryptic language?

ENDING: (INTRIGUE) How will the souls of forgotten writers help Emily?

8. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Meeting Azazel – who’s there to help!

Essence: Azazel appears to provide Emily with assistance.

Conflict: The puppy doesn’t like Azazel so Emily is cautious.

Subtext: Azazel introduces himself with a flourish and is the real demon.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily sees through Azazel’s façade. Fear she’ll be seduced by his beauty and actions.

BEGINNING: (UNCERTAINTY) Emily is suspicious of Azazel.

MIDDLE: (MYSTERY) Maybe he really is who he says he is.

ENDING: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) Azazel has his own agenda.

9. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Azazel helps Emily with the translation so Emily can write the story.

Essence: Emily believes Azazel is there to help.

Conflict: Azazel makes her nervous, and Emily looks for some alcohol. But her brother has removed all the alcohol.

Subtext: Falling back into old destructive patterns.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily snaps out of it. Fear Azazel will manipulate Emily for his own purposes.

BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Emily misinterprets Azazel’s role.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Emily finds the task difficult and is falling back into old destructive patterns.

ENDING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) The audience sees Azazel for who he is but Emily is fragile and cannot see his schemes, yet.

10. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: In meditation, Emily explores the library interacting with the forgotten souls of writers and their characters, an imprisoned guardian, and learning about her past.

Essence: Emily begins to learn about her past lives and their connection to her current mission.

Conflict: Between what Emily believed and what she is learning now.

Subtext: She must free the souls and the real guardian.

Hope/fear: Hope she is strong enough to accomplish the mission. Fear she is too fragile and will be destroyed.

BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Emily explores more of the library.

MIDDLE: (UNCERTAINTY) Emily is stunned by what she learns

ENDING: (TWIST) Somehow, she must free the souls and the guardian.

PLAN IN ACTION

11. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Armed with new information, Emily creates an outline for another article.

Essence: The souls of forgotten writers are helping her write free of Donahue and Azazel.

Conflict: Doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel.

Subtext: By interacting with the writers Emily has freed them.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can prevail. Fear of what will happen to her and the writers if Donahue and Azazel find out they’re free.

BEGINNING: (BETRAYAL) Emily betrays Donahue and Azazel by writing another article.

MIDDLE: (SURPRISE) Emily interacts with the forgotten writers to help with her article.

ENDING: (MYSTERY) What is Emily and the writers trying to accomplish?

12. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily goes in search of Donahue and finds him and Azazel plotting to take Emily over.

Essence: Donahue and Azazel believe they can turn Emily to their side.

Conflict: A line in the sand has been drawn. Emily and the Forgotten Writers versus Donahue and Azazel.

Subtext: There is evil lurking within the heavenly realm.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily is strong enough to resist them. Fear she’s too fragile and will succumb to their machinations.

BEGINNING: (BETRAYAL) Donahue and Azazel are betraying Emily.

MIDDLE: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) Donahue is going along with Azazel to protect Emily.

ENDING: (TWIST) Evil lurks in the heavenly realm.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

Scene Arc: From Emily hiding the knowledge she knows about Donahue and Azazel to finding a way through to defeat them.

13. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily inserts her knowledge into the article with Azazel making suggestions that if she inserts them into her article she will be a rich woman.

Conflict: Emily’s moral dilemma between wanting riches versus doing the right thing.

Subtext: Emily is tired of being poor.

Hope/fear: Hope she can resist Azazel’s offer. Fear she will fail.

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Azazel is dangling riches in front of Emily.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Between Emily tired of being poor and doing the right thing.

ENDING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily doesn’t like Azazel.

14. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Emily discovers another section of the library which allows her to continue to piece together who she is.

Essence: We are all divine beings having a human experience.

Conflict: Emily doesn’t want to remember who she is.

Subtext: Emily’s more powerful than she thinks.

Hope/fear: Hope she can overcome her fear of progress and change. Fear she will stay the same.

BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Another section of the library.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Emily struggles with change.

ENDING: (CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY) Emily is changing however, reluctantly.

ACT 3

RE-THINK EVERYTHING

15. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library's secrets.

Essence: Donahue discovers Emily isn’t working on HIS story.

Conflict: Donahue versus Emily.

Subtext: Donahue realizes that God has found the one soul that can get rid of him.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily is strong enough to handle Donahue. Fear Emily fails.

BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Work on Donahue’s story and unleash dangerous secrets or stay the course with God’s mission.

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Writing Donahue’s story is a betrayal of God’s mission.

ENDING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) When Donahue realizes God found the one soul to defeat him.

16. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: From Azazel underestimating Emily’s strength to being crushed by Emily.

Essence: Emily’s strength is tested by Azazel.

Conflict: Azazel’s quest for power by any means necessary versus Emily’s commitment to God.

Subtext: Emily is stronger than she believes.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can fight off Azazel. Fear Azazel will conquer Emily and kill the puppy.

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Azazel attempts to assault Emily but when she resists he tries to kill the puppy.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Will Emily fight back and save the puppy?

ENDING: (TWIST) Emily leaves Azazel badly wounded and saves the puppy.

17. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Donahue finds Azazel wounded by Emily and decides Emily must be eliminated since they can’t turn her to their side.

Essence: Emily is becoming more comfortable in her role and therefore, stronger.

Conflict: Donahue sides with Azazel confirming Emily’s suspicions about the two and now must watch her back.

Subtext: The Forgotten Writers are helping Emily defeat the guardian.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can continue to grow. Fear she’ll return to her destructive behavior patterns.

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Donahue finds Azazel wounded by Emily.

MIDDLE: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) Revealing that Donahue and Azazel are working together.

ENDING: (UNCERTAINTY) Can Emily continue to grow more powerful?

NEW PLAN

18. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily can now enter the library without meditation and without Donahue or Azazel knowing.

Essence: Emily is growing stronger.

Conflict: Destroying Azazel and Donahue goes against her belief in the sixth commandment.

Subtext: But Azazel and Donahue were not made by God.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can discover the true creator of Azazel and Donahue. Fear they’ll destroy her before she can.

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) How is Emily able to grow stronger?

MIDDLE: (TWIST) Emily has latent spiritual powers that are awakening.

ENDING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Is Emily a powerful spiritual being or is Emily just another murderous human?

19. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily publishes a piece but its message was twisted by Azazel.

Essence: Emily is devastated by the article.

Conflict: Could this setback unleash Emily’s destructive behavior patterns?

Subtext: Chaos is unleashed in the world and Emily is to blame.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily has become strong enough to weather the storm. Fear she will fall back into destructive behavior patterns.

BEGINNING: (TWIST) Emily’s article is published but has been altered by Azazel.

MIDDLE: (SURPRISE) At the damage being wrought by a piece of writing.

ENDING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily teeters on the edge of falling back into destructive behavior.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

20. EXT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game.

Essence: End times are unleashed upon the world.

Conflict: Emily’s anger versus Donahue and Azazel’s arrogance.

Subtext: Emily has finally realized to direct her anger at the source instead of letting it destroy her.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily succeeds. Fear she fails.

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) The apocalypse is unleashed.

MIDDLE: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) This is temporary as Azazel only wanted to push Emily towards his and Donahue’s scheme.

ENDING: (CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY) Emily starts to direct her anger to the real problem, which isn’t herself.

21. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Confronts Azazel. Destroys him by turning him to dust.

Essence: Get rid of Azazel.

Conflict: Emily versus Azazel.

Subtext: Emily has resolved the sixth commandment and has gotten stronger for it.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily survives. Fear Azazel has recovered enough to destroy Emily.

BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Emily destroys Azazel but Donahue doesn’t know.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Emily has resolved the sixth commandment.

ENDING: (SUSPENSE) What happens now?

22. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Writes another article to calm the masses and stops Donahue.

Essence: Emily’s storytelling abilities have grown.

Conflict: Emily versus Donahue.

Subtext: Donahue’s power has been diminished since Azazel’s extinction.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily’s realizes her power. Fear Donahue will somehow take it from her.

BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Emily writes another article saying the first one was a test of Hollywood’s new CGI.

MIDDLE: (TWIST) Donahue’s power is diminishing.

ENDING: (INTRIGUE) What will Emily do with Donahue?

23. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Donahue confronts Emily attempting to seize control of the library’s power.

Essence: Emily’s newfound confidence makes her unyielding.

Conflict: Emily/Library versus Donahue.

Subtext: The library is alive.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily’s new skills are enough to defeat Donahue. Fear she fails.

BEGINNING: (TWIST) Emily and the library are now one.

MIDDLE: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Emily continues to grow and change.

ENDING: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) Reveal the Library is alive.

24. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily tells Donahue how she destroyed Azazel and now she will destroy him.

Essence: Transform the library into a beacon of hope.

Conflict: Donahue wants the power of the library for himself.

Subtext: Donahue is not a divine being.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily prevails. Fear she fails.

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Donahue threatens Emily.

MIDDLE: (SURPRISE) Emily starts to weave a story.

ENDING: (INTRIGUE) The library comes alive but only at Emily’s command.

25. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: To save himself, Donahue reveals his backstory.

Essence: Will Emily believe Donahue is a victim of circumstance?

Conflict: Lies versus truths.

Subtext: Donahue trying to save his skin.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily prevails. Fear Donahue prevails.

BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Does Emily believe Donahue?

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Donahue will betray Emily.

ENDING: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) Donahue still wants the power of the library for himself.

Act 4

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

26. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: The climax involves Emily using her newfound powers to write a story that changes reality.

Essence: Emily confronts Donahue about his lies.

Conflict: Donahue’s nature prevents him from recognizing his lies and Emily’s ability to use her powers.

Subtext: Emily uses her storytelling abilities to protect all the aspects of the library.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can protect the library. Fear that Donahue has another trick up his sleeve to thwart Emily.

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Emily is at her full power.

MIDDLE: (MISINTERPRETATION) Donahue has misread the situation because it’s in his nature not to change.

ENDING: (CLIFFHANGER) The forgotten writers rise against Donahue.

27. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily destroys Donahue to great cheering.

Essence: Emily uses her storytelling abilities to destroy Donahue.

Conflict: Emily feels bad she had to destroy another being.

Subtext: There is power in a story.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily has changed. Fear that alcohol addiction will rise again.

BEGINNING: (TWIST) Emily can weave the magic of the library with her story-telling.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) There is power in the story.

ENDING: (UNCERTAINTY) Is Donahue really gone?

28. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Arc: Writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives. Publishes it to great acclaim.

Essence: The power of words can change lives.

Conflict: Newfound fame could trigger her addiction.

Subtext: Emily’s success is finally here.

Hope/fear: Hope she continues to have success. Fear the addiction will come back.

BEGINNING: (UNCERTAINTY)

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily is afraid of her new life.

ENDING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Emily’s afraid she’ll start drinking again.

29. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Donahue tries to subvert her story but fails.

Essence: Emily’s determination and newfound powers are too strong for Donahue.

Conflict: Emily vs Donahue

Subtext: Donahue admits defeat and helps Emily secure the library’s future.

Hope/fear: Hope for the future. Fear Donahue will return.

BEGINNING: (TWIST) Donahue’s not gone.

MIDDLE: (UNCERTAINTY) What will Emily do now?

ENDING: (SURPRISE) Donahue turns to Emily’s side and helps secure the library.

RESOLUTION

30. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Arc: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She releases the true guardian. God thanks Emily and thanks her for tipping the scales in favour of the Divine.

Essence: Embraces her storytelling abilities to great acclaim. Good always triumphs over evil.

Conflict: Facing future challenges – everyone wants an interview.

Subtext: Emily needed to fail before she could succeed.
Hope/fear:

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGE IS COMPLETE) Emily has secured the library and has become an acclaimed writer.

MIDDLE: (MISLEAD/REVEAL) The true guardian is released and revealed (must be set up from the beginning).

ENDING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Emily is uncomfortable giving interviews.

CHAT GPT VERSION

ACT 1

Scene 1

INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily comes home from work and, in an attempt to write, succumbs to alcohol.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: Emily returns to her cluttered apartment, filled with empty bottles and half-written manuscripts, making the setting feel oppressive and chaotic. Emily stares at her computer, her fingers hovering over the keys, but her gaze drifts to a bottle of whiskey.

• Middle: Internal Dilemma: Torn between her ambition and her addiction, Emily pours herself a drink, trying to drown out the voices of doubt. She mumbles about her dreams of success while the alcohol slowly takes hold.

• Ending: Uncomfortable Moment: Emily drunkenly stumbles and falls, knocking over her desk and spilling her drink on her unfinished manuscript, symbolizing her crumbling dreams.

Scene 2

EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Scene Description: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily opens her mail to another rejection letter, pushing her to the edge.

• Beginning: Suspense: Emily trudges through festive streets filled with joyous families and decorations, creating a stark contrast with her somber mood. She reaches her mailbox, her hands trembling as she opens another letter.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Emily’s face contorts with rage and frustration as she reads the rejection letter. The cheerful sounds of Christmas carols around her only amplify her sense of isolation and failure.

• Ending: Misinterpretation: In her anger, Emily lashes out, crumpling the letter and throwing it away, misinterpreting the rejection as a personal attack on her worth, which deepens her despair.

Scene 3

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Description: Emily, in a state of hopelessness, attempts suicide but experiences a near-death encounter.

• Beginning: Uncertainty: Emily sits in the library, her surroundings dim and filled with shadows. She hesitates, holding a bottle of pills, struggling with the decision.

• Middle: Suspense: As she swallows the pills, her vision blurs, and she collapses, feeling the pull between life and death. The room around her starts to shift into a surreal version of itself.

• Ending: Surprise: Just when it seems she might pass away, a bright light envelops her, and she finds herself standing in an ethereal version of the library, hinting that death is not the end.

Scene 4

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Scene Description: Emily meets God, who assigns her a mission but insists she must return to the living.

• Beginning: Mystery: In the luminous library, Emily encounters a warm, divine presence that she perceives as God. The atmosphere is filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and love.

• Middle: Character changes radically: God reveals to Emily that her life has a purpose she has yet to fulfill, shifting her perception of her existence from despair to potential. God’s loving nature
reassures her, igniting a spark of hope.

• Ending: External Dilemma: Emily faces the painful choice between staying in this serene afterlife or returning to her troubled life to complete her mission. She reluctantly agrees to return, fearing the challenges ahead but driven by a newfound sense of duty.

Scene 5

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Scene Description: Emily is revived in the hospital and returns to her brother’s home.

• Beginning: Suspense: In the hospital, Emily regains consciousness, the bright, sterile environment feeling harsh after her divine encounter. She struggles to grasp her surroundings and the reality
of her return.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Her brother visits, his concern palpable. Emily considers telling him about her near-death experience but hesitates, fearing disbelief and ridicule.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Deciding to keep her experience a secret for now, Emily leaves with her brother, feeling both comforted by his presence and burdened by the knowledge she carries.

Scene 6

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Description: Emily, now staying with her brother, starts to have visions of the library.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: Emily’s brother’s home is warm and welcoming, a stark contrast to her apartment. A puppy joyfully greets her, momentarily lifting her spirits.

• Middle: Suspense: As Emily settles in, she begins to see fleeting visions of the library, which disorient and confuse her. She questions her sanity, wondering if the visions are real or just a side effect of her near-death experience.

• Ending: Mystery: Donahue appears in one of the visions, introducing himself as the guardian of the library and offering to help her with her mission. Emily is left pondering his true nature and her next steps.

ACT 2

Scene 7

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers. Donahue guides her to a hidden section where she must decipher a cryptic outline.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: The hidden section of the library is filled with ancient, glowing scripts and spectral figures, creating an atmosphere of wonder and intimidation. Emily’s curiosity and fear battle as she takes in her surroundings.

• Middle: Suspense: Donahue presents a cryptic outline written in an ancient language. Emily feels the weight of her task, knowing that deciphering it is crucial for her mission. The forgotten souls of writers watch her, their silent presence both a comfort and a pressure.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Emily resolves to decipher the outline, torn between her self-doubt and the hope of unlocking the library’s secrets. She feels both empowered and overwhelmed by the responsibility.

Scene 8

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Description: Azazel appears, offering to assist Emily, but the puppy’s reaction makes her wary.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: Azazel’s arrival is marked by a sudden shift in the room’s atmosphere, becoming darker and more ominous. The puppy’s growls add to the tension, setting Emily on edge.

• Middle: Betrayal: Despite his charming demeanor, Azazel’s presence feels off. Emily is cautious, remembering Donahue’s warning and the puppy’s reaction, hinting at a potential betrayal.

• Ending: Suspense: Emily decides to cautiously accept Azazel’s help, keeping her guard up. She hopes to gain valuable insights while fearing Azazel’s true intentions.

Scene 9

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Description: Azazel helps Emily with the translation, making her nervous, and she looks for alcohol but finds none.

• Beginning: Suspense: Emily and Azazel sit down to work on the translation. The tension is palpable as Emily tries to gauge Azazel’s motives. Her anxiety grows as she struggles with the ancient language.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Azazel’s proximity and overbearing presence make Emily uneasy. She reaches for a bottle, only to remember her brother has removed all the alcohol, forcing her to confront her nerves sober.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Emily reluctantly continues working with Azazel, fighting her craving for alcohol and trying to trust him despite her instincts. The hope of deciphering the outline drives her forward, but fear of Azazel’s manipulation lingers.

Scene 10

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Description: Emily meditates and explores the library, learning about her past lives and their connection to her mission.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: In her meditative state, Emily finds herself in a more surreal, dreamlike version of the library, where the boundaries between past and present blur. She encounters the spirits of forgotten writers and their characters, each with a story to tell.

• Middle: Intrigue: As Emily interacts with these spirits, she uncovers fragments of her past lives and realizes her current mission is tied to these past experiences. Each revelation adds layers to her understanding and increases the stakes of her quest.

• Ending: Mystery: Emily learns about an imprisoned guardian and the true purpose of the library. She is left with a sense of urgency and a deeper connection to her mission, but also with many unanswered questions.

Scene 11

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Scene Description: Emily creates an outline for another article with the help of the freed souls, independent of Donahue and Azazel.

• Beginning: More interesting setting: Emily’s suite is now filled with a comforting, otherworldly presence as the souls of the forgotten writers assist her. Their ghostly forms offer guidance and support, making the setting feel both magical and collaborative.

• Middle: Suspense: Emily works diligently, aware of the potential dangers if Donahue and Azazel discover what she’s doing. Her doubts about her abilities resurface, but the encouragement from the spirits keeps her going.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Emily finishes the outline, feeling a mix of pride and fear. She hopes her work will bring spirituality back to humanity but fears the repercussions if Donahue and Azazel find out.

Scene 12

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily’s translation is complete, but Donahue’s reaction leaves her uneasy. She contacts Azazel for help.

• Beginning: Suspense: Emily nervously presents the completed translation to Donahue, hoping for approval. Donahue’s reaction is guarded, which leaves Emily questioning her success.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Donahue’s cryptic comments and lack of enthusiasm make Emily doubt her work. She feels a growing sense of dread, unsure if she’s truly completed the task or if something crucial is missing.

• Ending: Misinterpretation: Frustrated and seeking validation, Emily contacts Azazel, hoping he can offer clarity. She misinterprets Donahue’s reaction as disapproval and turns to Azazel, unknowingly stepping into a potential trap.

Scene 13

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily realizes she can use her newfound knowledge to help others but must confront Donahue and Azazel.

• Beginning: Suspense: With Azazel’s insights, Emily gains a clearer understanding of her mission and its broader implications. She realizes she has the power to bring forgotten wisdom back to the world, but this puts her in direct conflict with Donahue and Azazel.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Emily grapples with the decision to confront Donahue and Azazel. She fears their power and the potential consequences of opposing them, but her sense of duty and newfound confidence push her forward.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Emily prepares for the confrontation, feeling both empowered and terrified. She knows this will be a pivotal moment in her mission, with the potential to change everything.

ACT 3

Scene 14

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily confronts Donahue, who reveals the library’s true purpose.

• Beginning: Suspense: In the ethereal library, Emily faces Donahue, the atmosphere tense and charged. She demands to know the true purpose of the library and her mission.

• Middle: Character changes radically: Donahue reveals the library’s purpose to protect and preserve forgotten knowledge, and Emily’s role in restoring it to humanity. This revelation shifts Emily’s
understanding of her mission and her place in the world.

• Ending: Mystery: Donahue warns Emily of the dangers ahead, leaving her with more questions than answers. She feels the weight of her task more acutely but is determined to see it through.

Scene 15

INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily returns to her suite, discovering Azazel’s true nature and intentions.

• Beginning: Suspense: Emily arrives at her suite, finding it unusually dark and quiet. Azazel is there, waiting, his demeanor more sinister than before.

• Middle: Uncomfortable Moment: Azazel reveals his true nature and intentions, attempting to manipulate Emily into abandoning her mission. The puppy’s fearful reaction heightens the tension.

• Ending: Internal Dilemma: Emily, feeling betrayed and terrified, realizes she must outsmart Azazel to protect the library’s secrets and fulfill her mission. She prepares for a final showdown, determined but unsure of her chances.

Scene 16

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily defeats Azazel, freeing the imprisoned guardian, and gains control of the library.

• Beginning: Suspense: In the climactic showdown in the library, Emily faces Azazel. The atmosphere is intense, filled with the echoes of forgotten voices urging her on.

• Middle: Character changes radically: Drawing on her newfound knowledge and the support of the forgotten souls, Emily outsmarts and defeats Azazel, freeing the imprisoned guardian.

• Ending: Transformation: Emily gains control of the library, her mission accomplished. She feels a profound sense of fulfillment and purpose, knowing she can now help restore forgotten wisdom to humanity.

Scene 17

EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Scene Description: Emily, feeling a new sense of purpose, walks through the festive streets, ready to share her wisdom with the world.

• Beginning: Suspense: Emily walks through the city streets, the festive lights and cheerful sounds now reflecting her inner peace and determination.

• Middle: Transformation: She carries with her the knowledge and wisdom she has gained, ready to share it with the world. Her journey has transformed her from a despairing writer to a beacon of
forgotten wisdom.

• Ending: Fulfillment: Emily feels a deep sense of fulfillment, knowing her mission is just beginning. She smiles, ready to face the future with hope and confidence.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Scene Requirements

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is this is the best time to see if there are any plot holes.

Go through your entire outline and make it look like the examples above.

OUTLINE

TITLE: GOD’s LIBRARY

GENRE: Drama/Fantasy

ACT 1

OPENING

Scene Arc: From Emily coming home from work, sitting down to write at her computer, to being drunk.

1. INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Essence: Emily is an alcoholic.

Conflict: Will the alcohol destroy her?

Subtext: She wants to be a successful writer.

Hope/fear: We hope she’ll stop drinking. We fear it will kill her and her dreams.

Scene Arc: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily comes home from work. Opens her mail to another rejection letter.

2. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Essence: The rejection letter pushes Emily over the edge.

Conflict: Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time of year. But another rejection letter ruins any Christmas spirit.

Subtext: Rage and frustration.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily calms down. Fear she’ll do herself harm.

INCITING INCIDENT

Scene Arc: From attempting suicide to having a near-death experience.

3. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: “Death is only the beginning.”

Conflict: Cannot even kill herself properly.

Subtext: It’s not Emily’s time to die.

Hope/fear: Hope she gets medical treatment ASAP. Fear she’ll have to return to her miserable life. (OR, Fear she dies.)

Scene Arc: Meets God who has a mission for her but she must return.

4. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: There is no death just a transition.

Conflict: Suicide is taboo so how can Emily meet God?

Subtext: God is all-loving and has a mission for each of us.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can stay with God. Fear she has to return and she won’t be able to fulfill her mission.

TURNING POINT

Scene Arc: From being revived in the hospital to returning to her brother’s home.

5. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Essence: Emily has always had love in her life.

Conflict: To tell or not to tell her NDE story.

Subtext: Help was always available, Emily just had to ask for it.

Hope/fear: Hope her brother would understand if she told him her story. Fear he’d laugh at her.

Scene Arc: Emily returns with her brother to his home where a puppy greets her and she starts to have visions of the library.

6. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Donahue greets Emily and tells her he is the guardian of the library and will help her with her mission.

Conflict: Emily doesn’t trust Donahue.

Subtext: Why does God’s library need a guardian?

Hope/fear: Hope Donahue is who he says he is. Fear he’s a demon in disguise.

ACT 2

NEW PLAN

Scene Arc: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers. Donahue guides Emily to a hidden section of the library where ancient scripts glow with an otherworldly light. He presents Emily with a cryptic outline written in an ancient language, which she must decipher to progress.

7. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Essence: There is more to this library than meets the eye.

Conflict: The outline is written in a cryptic language that Emily must decipher to move on to the works of the forgotten writers.

Subtext: Emily’s job is to finish their creations which were all drafted to bring spirituality back to humanity. But first must decipher an outline for her first article.

Hope/fear: Hope that Emily can pass the test. Fear of what will happen to her if she fails.

Scene Arc: Meeting Azazel – who’s there to help!

8. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Azazel appears to provide Emily with assistance.

Conflict: The puppy doesn’t like Azazel so Emily is cautious.

Subtext: Azazel introduces himself with a flourish and is the real demon.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily sees through Azazel’s façade. Fear she’ll be seduced by his beauty and actions.

Scene Arc: Azazel helps Emily with the translation so Emily can write the story.

8. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily believes Azazel is there to help.

Conflict: Azazel makes her nervous, and Emily looks for some alcohol. But her brother has removed all the alcohol.

Subtext: Falling back into old destructive patterns.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily snaps out of it. Fear Azazel will manipulate Emily for his own purposes.

Scene Arc: In meditation, Emily explores the library interacting with the forgotten souls of writers and their characters, an imprisoned guardian, and learning about her past.

10. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily begins to learn about her past lives and their connection to her current mission.

Conflict: Between what Emily believed and what she is learning now.

Subtext: She must free the souls and the real guardian.

Hope/fear: Hope she is strong enough to accomplish the mission. Fear she is too fragile and will be destroyed.

PLAN IN ACTION

Scene Arc: Armed with new information, Emily creates an outline for another article.

11. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: The souls of forgotten writers are helping her write free of Donahue and Azazel.

Conflict: Doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel.

Subtext: By interacting with the writers Emily has freed them.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can prevail. Fear of what will happen to her and the writers if Donahue and Azazel find out they’re free.

Scene Arc: Emily goes in search of Donahue and finds him and Azazel plotting to take Emily over.

12. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Donahue and Azazel believe they can turn Emily to their side.

Conflict: A line in the sand has been drawn. Emily and the Forgotten Writers versus Donahue and Azazel.

Subtext: There is evil lurking within the heavenly realm.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily is strong enough to resist them. Fear she’s too fragile and will succumb to their machinations.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

Scene Arc: From Emily hiding the knowledge she knows about Donahue and Azazel to finding a way through to defeat them.

13. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily inserts her knowledge into the article with Azazel making suggestions that if she inserts them into her article she will be a rich woman.

Conflict: Emily’s moral dilemma between wanting riches versus doing the right thing.

Subtext: Emily is tired of being poor.

Hope/fear: Hope she can resist Azazel’s offer. Fear she will fail.

Scene Arc: Emily discovers another section of the library which allows her to continue to piece together who she is.

14. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Essence: We are all divine beings having a human experience.

Conflict: Emily doesn’t want to remember who she is.

Subtext: Emily’s more powerful than she thinks.

Hope/fear: Hope she can overcome her fear of progress and change. Fear she will stay the same.

ACT 3

RE-THINK EVERYTHING

Scene Arc: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library's secrets.

15. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Donahue discovers Emily isn’t working on HIS story.

Conflict: Donahue versus Emily.

Subtext: Donahue realizes that God has found the one soul that can get rid of him.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily is strong enough to handle Donahue. Fear Emily fails.

Scene Arc: From Azazel underestimating Emily’s strength to being crushed by Emily.

16. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily’s strength is tested by Azazel.

Conflict: Azazel’s quest for power by any means necessary versus Emily’s commitment to God.

Subtext: Emily is stronger than she believes.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can fight off Azazel. Fear Azazel will conquer Emily and kill the puppy.

Scene Arc: Donahue finds Azazel wounded by Emily and decides Emily must be eliminated since they can’t turn her to their side.

17. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily is becoming more comfortable in her role and therefore, stronger.

Conflict: Donahue sides with Azazel confirming Emily’s suspicions about the two and now must watch her back.

Subtext: The Forgotten Writers are helping Emily defeat the guardian.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can continue to grow. Fear she’ll return to her destructive behavior patterns.

NEW PLAN

Scene Arc: Emily can now enter the library without meditation and without Donahue or Azazel knowing.

18. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily is growing stronger.

Conflict: Destroying Azazel and Donahue goes against her belief in the sixth commandment.

Subtext: But Azazel and Donahue were not made by God.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can discover the true creator of Azazel and Donahue. Fear they’ll destroy her before she can.

Scene Arc: Emily publishes a piece but its message was twisted by Azazel.

19. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: Emily is devastated by the article.

Conflict: Could this setback unleash Emily’s destructive behavior patterns?

Subtext: Chaos is unleashed in the world and Emily is to blame.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily has become strong enough to weather the storm. Fear she will fall back into destructive behavior patterns.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

Scene Arc: Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game.

20. EXT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT

Essence: End times are unleashed upon the world.

Conflict: Emily’s anger versus Donahue and Azazel’s arrogance.

Subtext: Emily has finally realized to direct her anger at the source instead of letting it destroy her.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily succeeds. Fear she fails.

Scene Arc: Confronts Azazel. Destroys him by turning him to dust.

21. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Get rid of Azazel.

Conflict: Emily versus Azazel.

Subtext: Emily has resolved the sixth commandment and has gotten stronger for it.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily survives. Fear Azazel has recovered enough to destroy Emily.

Scene Arc: Writes another article to calm the masses and stops Donahue.

22. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily’s storytelling abilities have grown.

Conflict: Emily versus Donahue.

Subtext: Donahue’s power has been diminished since Azazel’s extinction.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily’s realizes her power. Fear Donahue will somehow take it from her.

Scene Arc: Donahue confronts Emily attempting to seize control of the library’s power.

23. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily’s newfound confidence makes her unyielding.

Conflict: Emily/Library versus Donahue.

Subtext: The library is alive.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily’s new skills are enough to defeat Donahue. Fear she fails.

Scene Arc: Emily tells Donahue how she destroyed Azazel and now she will destroy him.

24. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Transform the library into a beacon of hope.

Conflict: Donahue wants the power of the library for himself.

Subtext: Donahue is not a divine being.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily prevails. Fear she fails.

Scene Arc: To save himself, Donahue reveals his backstory.

25. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Will Emily believe Donahue is a victim of circumstance?

Conflict: Lies versus truths.

Subtext: Donahue trying to save his skin.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily prevails. Fear Donahue prevails.

Act 4

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

Scene Arc: The climax involves Emily using her newfound powers to write a story that changes reality.

26. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily confronts Donahue about his lies.

Conflict: Donahue’s nature prevents him from recognizing his lies and Emily’s ability to use her powers.

Subtext: Emily uses her storytelling abilities to protect all the aspects of the library.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily can protect the library. Fear that Donahue has another trick up his sleeve to thwart Emily.

Scene Arc: Emily destroys Donahue to great cheering.

27. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily uses her storytelling abilities to destroy Donahue.

Conflict: Emily feels bad she had to destroy another being.

Subtext: There is power in a story.

Hope/fear: Hope Emily has changed. Fear that alcohol addiction will rise again.

Scene Arc: Writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives. Publishes it to great acclaim.

28. INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY

Essence: The power of words can change lives.

Conflict: Newfound fame could trigger her addiction.

Subtext: Emily’s success is finally here.

Hope/fear: Hope she continues to have success. Fear the addiction will come back.

Scene Arc: Donahue tries to subvert her story but fails.

29. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Emily’s determination and newfound powers are too strong for Donahue.

Conflict: Emily vs Donahue

Subtext: Donahue admits defeat and helps Emily secure the library’s future.

Hope/fear: Hope for the future. Fear Donahue will return.

RESOLUTION

Scene Arc: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She releases the true guardian.

30. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Embraces her storytelling abilities to great acclaim.

Conflict: Everyone wants an interview.

Subtext: Emily needed to fail before she could succeed.

Hope/fear:

Scene Arc: God thanks Emily and thanks her for tipping the scales in favour of the Divine.

31. INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Essence: Good always triumphs over evil.

Conflict: Facing future challenges.

Subtext: Sometimes you have to fail before you achieve great success.

Hope/fear:

CHAT GPT VERSION:
ACT 1
1: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily in her routine of drinking and working; ends with her going to work hungover.
• Essence: Establish Emily's current state of despair and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Conflict: Internal conflict of dealing with failure through alcohol.
• Subtext: Emily’s drinking masks deeper emotional pain and feelings of failure.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll find a way out of her misery; fear she’ll spiral further down.
2: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily hopeful for some good news; ends with her deciding to commit suicide.
• Essence: Show the depth of Emily's despair and desperation.
• Conflict: External rejection leading to internal breakdown.
• Subtext: The rejection letter symbolizes the culmination of repeated failures.
• Hope/Fear: Hope for a breakthrough; fear she’ll give in to her suicidal thoughts.
3: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily about to end her life; ends with her in a near-death state.
• Essence: Transition from despair to a pivotal, mystical experience.
• Conflict: Emily’s struggle between life and death.
• Subtext: Her deep desire for escape manifests in a transformative experience.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll find a reason to live; fear she’ll actually die.
4: INT. AFTERLIFE – UNKNOWN TIME
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily entering the afterlife confused; ends with her being given a divine purpose.
• Essence: Introduce the fantasy element and Emily’s new mission.
• Conflict: Emily’s disbelief and confusion versus the reality of her new mission.
• Subtext: Emily’s potential and destiny revealed in her darkest moment.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll embrace this new purpose; fear she’ll reject or fail it.
5: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily regaining consciousness; ends with her realizing the concern of her brother.
• Essence: Show the immediate aftermath of Emily’s near-death experience.
• Conflict: Emily’s physical recovery versus emotional and mental turmoil.
• Subtext: Her brother’s presence highlights the real-world consequences of her actions.
• Hope/Fear: Hope for reconciliation and recovery; fear of enduring emotional scars.
6: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily feeling fragile; ends with a small step towards healing.
• Essence: Introduce a symbol of hope and responsibility.
• Conflict: Emily’s reluctance versus her brother’s encouragement.
• Subtext: The puppy symbolizes new beginnings and a chance for emotional recovery.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll start to heal; fear she’ll reject the help.
7: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily attempting normalcy; ends with her experiencing visions.
• Essence: Indicate the lasting impact of her near-death experience.
• Conflict: Emily’s need for normalcy versus the disruptive visions.
• Subtext: The visions hint at her deeper connection to the supernatural.
• Hope/Fear: Hope the visions lead to positive change; fear they indicate worsening mental health.
8: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily trying to understand her visions; ends with meeting Donahue.
• Essence: Introduce the antagonist and set up future conflict.
• Conflict: Emily’s fear and confusion versus Donahue’s calm assertion of authority.
• Subtext: Donahue’s introduction foreshadows future challenges.
• Hope/Fear: Hope he’ll guide her positively; fear he has ulterior motives.
ACT 2
9: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily meeting Donahue again; ends with her given a task.
• Essence: Set the plot in motion with a specific goal for Emily.
• Conflict: Emily’s skepticism versus Donahue’s insistence.
• Subtext: The outline represents a path to fulfilling her divine mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll find inspiration; fear she’ll fail.
10: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily focused on the outline; ends with the introduction of a new helper.
• Essence: Introduce a new character with unclear motives.
• Conflict: Emily’s uncertainty about Azazel’s true intentions.
• Subtext: Azazel’s charm masks potential danger.
• Hope/Fear: Hope he’ll genuinely help; fear he has hidden agendas.
11: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily beginning her story; ends with her doubts growing.
• Essence: Show the beginning of Emily’s creative process amidst internal conflict.
• Conflict: Emily’s drive to write versus her self-doubt.
• Subtext: Her doubts reflect deeper insecurities and fears of failure.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll overcome doubt; fear it will paralyze her progress.
12: INT. GOD’S LIBRARY – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily’s exploration; ends with a deeper understanding of her mission.
• Essence: Develop the fantasy world and Emily’s connection to it.
• Conflict: Emily’s initial sense of isolation versus newfound belonging.
• Subtext: The library holds secrets crucial to her mission and past.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll embrace her role; fear the truths she uncovers will be too much.
13: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with renewed effort in writing; ends with increased doubts.
• Essence: Highlight the internal and external struggles Emily faces.
• Conflict: Creative drive versus self-doubt and mistrust.
• Subtext: Her writing process is intertwined with her struggle for truth.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll push through her doubts; fear she’ll succumb to them.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT
14: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with a sense of duty; ends with a deepened internal conflict.
• Essence: Showcase the heightened stakes and internal turmoil.
• Conflict: Duty to Donahue versus temptation from Azazel.
• Subtext: The choice between light and darkness becomes more pronounced.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll make the right choice; fear she’ll be swayed by Azazel.
15: INT. DREAM ARCHIVE – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with discovery; ends with understanding and shock.
• Essence: Deepen the lore and Emily’s connection to her mission.
• Conflict: Curiosity versus the fear of overwhelming truths.
• Subtext: Her brother’s role adds layers to her understanding of her past and present.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll use this knowledge positively; fear it will be too much to handle.
ACT 3: RE-THINK EVERYTHING
16: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with growing pressure; ends with the realization of the stakes.
• Essence: Show the mounting tension and danger.
• Conflict: Pressure from Donahue versus Emily’s own will and safety.
• Subtext: The cost of her mission becomes clearer.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll manage the pressure; fear it will break her.
17: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with tension; ends with confrontation.
• Essence: Move the conflict to a direct confrontation.
• Conflict: Emily’s determination versus Azazel’s manipulations.
• Subtext: Power dynamics shift as Emily takes a stand.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll stand her ground; fear Azazel will overpower her.
18: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with confrontation; ends with a new, disturbing tactic from Azazel.
• Essence: Highlight Azazel’s manipulation and Emily’s resilience.
• Conflict: Azazel’s seduction versus Emily’s resistance.
• Subtext: Sexual overtures as a form of control and domination.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll reject him; fear she’ll be swayed.
19: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with a power play by Azazel; ends with Emily’s firm rejection.
• Essence: Show Emily’s strength and moral clarity.
• Conflict: Azazel’s persistence versus Emily’s resistance.
• Subtext: Rejection symbolizes a reclaiming of personal power.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll maintain her stance; fear Azazel will retaliate.
20: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with Emily’s victory; ends with a new threat.
• Essence: Escalate the stakes and introduce a new, urgent conflict.
• Conflict: Azazel’s cruelty versus Emily’s desperation.
• Subtext: Attack on the puppy symbolizes an attack on Emily’s newfound hope.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll save her puppy; fear it will be harmed.
21: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with desperation; ends with triumph.
• Essence: Showcase Emily’s empowerment and resourcefulness.
• Conflict: Emily’s determination versus Azazel’s aggression.
• Subtext: Wounding Azazel is a turning point in reclaiming her power.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll fully overcome him; fear of his retaliation.
22: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with aftermath of the conflict; ends with a tense departure.
• Essence: Show the shifting dynamics and Donahue’s reaction.
• Conflict: Emily’s explanation versus Donahue’s authority.
• Subtext: Donahue’s departure suggests future repercussions.
• Hope/Fear: Hope this ends the immediate threat; fear of what’s next.
NEW PLAN
23: INT. GOD’S LIBRARY – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with seeking knowledge; ends with a new plan.
• Essence: Empower Emily with a new strategy.
• Conflict: Seeking knowledge versus the risk of discovery.
• Subtext: The library’s magic represents hope and potential.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll succeed in her plan; fear it won’t be enough.
24: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with a sense of achievement; ends with devastation.
• Essence: Highlight the high stakes and Azazel’s cunning.
• Conflict: Emily’s intentions versus Azazel’s subversion.
• Subtext: Azazel’s power to manipulate and corrupt.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she can fix it; fear it will cause irreversible damage.
TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT
25: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with devastation; ends with determination.
• Essence: Show Emily’s resilience and renewed resolve.
• Conflict: Emotional devastation versus inner strength.
• Subtext: Failure is a catalyst for greater determination.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll find a way; fear she’ll be too late.
26: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with confrontation; ends with victory.
• Essence: Reach a climactic moment of triumph over evil.
• Conflict: Emily’s final stand versus Azazel’s last attempt.
• Subtext: Defeating Azazel is symbolic of overcoming her inner demons.
• Hope/Fear: Hope it’s a true victory; fear of lingering threats.
27: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with triumph; ends with a new conflict.
• Essence: Introduce the next phase of the conflict.
• Conflict: Donahue’s authority versus Emily’s newfound power.
• Subtext: The struggle for ultimate control and understanding.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll stand her ground; fear Donahue’s power.
28: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with tension; ends with a bold declaration.
• Essence: Show Emily’s complete transformation and confidence.
• Conflict: Emily’s assertion versus Donahue’s authority.
• Subtext: Declaration of war and final defiance.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she can follow through; fear of Donahue’s retaliation.
29: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with confrontation; ends with revelation.
• Essence: Add complexity to Donahue’s character.
• Conflict: Initial antagonism versus deeper understanding.
• Subtext: Donahue’s motivations are not purely evil.
• Hope/Fear: Hope for reconciliation; fear it’s a manipulation.
ACT 4: THE CLIMAX
30: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with confrontation; ends with a decisive action.
• Essence: Ultimate expression of her power and purpose.
• Conflict: Emily’s creative power versus Donahue’s control.
• Subtext: The final battle is fought with ideas and words.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll succeed; fear she’ll be outmatched.
31: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with inspiration; ends with creation.
• Essence: Show the pinnacle of Emily’s creative journey.
• Conflict: Creative inspiration versus external pressures.
• Subtext: This story represents her ultimate victory and purpose.
• Hope/Fear: Hope it changes reality; fear it won’t be enough.
32: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
• Scene Arc: Starts with an attempt to subvert; ends with victory.
• Essence: Conclude the central conflict with Emily’s triumph.
• Conflict: Donahue’s last stand versus Emily’s strength.
• Subtext: Victory of light and creativity over darkness and control.
• Hope/Fear: Hope it’s a lasting victory; fear of unforeseen consequences.
RESOLUTION
33: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with aftermath; ends with resolution and change.
• Essence: Show the transformation and new beginning.
• Conflict: Resolution of past struggles versus new responsibilities.
• Subtext: Emily’s journey has led to growth and purpose.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll continue to thrive; fear of future challenges.
34: INT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with reflection; ends with divine blessing.
• Essence: Reinforce the divine mission and Emily’s role.
• Conflict: Closure of divine mission versus earthly life.
• Subtext: God’s blessing signifies divine approval and support.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll continue inspired; fear of new burdens.
35: EXT. EMILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
• Scene Arc: Starts with closure; ends with new beginning.
• Essence: Conclude Emily’s arc with hope and readiness.
• Conflict: Past struggles resolved versus future challenges.
• Subtext: Emily’s journey is ongoing, but she’s equipped to handle it.
• Hope/Fear: Hope she’ll succeed; fear of the unknown.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is to always remember that each scene needs at least two interest techniques (I remember that from another class).

2. Give us a one-sentence explanation of the intriguing moments in each Act of your project. Like the example above.

ACT 1:

Drama: Emily survives her suicide attempt and encounters the hidden library.

Secret: Emily just received another rejection letter that pushes her to attempt her life.

Secret: Emily has an alcohol addiction.

Mystery: Why isn’t Emily dead and instead touring a library?

Drama: Emily meets God and receives her mission.

Mystery: How did Emily end up meeting God?

Covert Agenda: Why is God using Emily to bring spirituality back to humanity?

Superior Position: The audience knows that Emily is having a NDE.

Drama: Emily wakes up in the hospital with her distraught brother.

Secret: Emily is confused when she wakes up but realizes she has had an NDE but is afraid to tell anyone.

Mystery: How is Emily going to perform God’s mission when she’s a failed writer? But decides to embrace her new purpose despite her doubts.

ACT 2

Drama: Emily explores the library and meets forgotten souls of writers. And, is torn between Donahue’s instructions and Azazel’s temptations.

Hidden Identity: Donahue and Azazel misrepresent who they are.
Conspiracy: The souls of forgotten writers are conspiring to rid the library of Donahue and Azazel and they’re going to use Emily to do it.

Mystery: How did the souls of forgotten writers get forgotten and why must they spend it in God’s Library?

ACT 3

Drama: Azazel’s true intentions are revealed.

Covert Agenda: Azazel wants to take over the library.

Cover-up: Azazel has covered his tracks even from Donahue.

Drama: Emily stands up to Azazel to save her puppy.

Intrigue: Azazel wants something from Emily – her ability to write.

Scheme: His scheme is if she doesn’t give it to him, he’ll rape her and kill her puppy.

Secret: Emily has a hidden secret from Azazel and Donahue and will reveal it to save herself and her puppy.

ACT 4

Drama: Emily defeats Azazel and writes the best story of her life.

Conspiracy: Emily uncovers the conspiracy between Donahue and Azazel.

Scheme: Emily and the souls of forgotten writers unleash their plan to free them and get rid of Donahue and Azazel.

CHATGPT Version:

Act 1: Initiation and Inciting Incident

Intriguing Moment 1: Hidden Identity

• Scene: Emily encounters the hidden library after her suicide attempt.

• Play Out: Emily, disoriented and weak, stumbles upon an ancient, ornate door in a surreal, dreamlike landscape. As she pushes it open, she steps into a vast, ethereal library filled with glowing manuscripts and antique typewriters. An enigmatic figure, Donahue, watches her from the shadows.

• Detail: The camera follows Emily’s hesitant footsteps, capturing her awe and confusion. The lighting shifts from dark and cold to warm and inviting as she steps into the library, symbolizing her transition from despair to a place of potential discovery.

Intriguing Moment 2: Secret

• Scene: Emily meets God and receives her mission.

• Play Out: God appears as a calming, radiant presence in the library, explaining that the library is a repository of forgotten tales meant to inspire and heal humanity. God entrusts Emily with the task of rediscovering and sharing these stories.

• Detail: A close-up on Emily’s face reveals her mix of skepticism and awe as she listens. God’s voice is serene yet powerful, with an echo effect to emphasize the divine nature of the encounter.

Intriguing Moment 3: Scheme

• Scene: Emily wakes up in the hospital with her distraught brother.

• Play Out: Emily awakens to find her brother, David, by her side, overwhelmed with worry and relief. Unbeknownst to Emily, David has been manipulated by Azazel to keep her grounded in despair, believing he is protecting her.

• Detail: The scene is filled with raw emotion as David expresses his anguish. The audience sees Azazel in the background, unnoticed by David, smirking as he watches their interaction, hinting at his covert agenda.

Intriguing Moment 4: Superior Position

• Scene: Emily decides to embrace her new purpose despite her doubts.

• Play Out: Emily, back home, finds the typewriter her brother gave her. She contemplates her mission and decides to start writing, despite her lingering fears. The audience knows that Azazel has placed subtle spells on the typewriter to influence her work.

• Detail: Emily’s hand hovers over the keys, and as she begins to type, a faint, ominous glow emanates from the typewriter, unnoticed by her but visible to the audience, indicating Azazel’s influence.

Act 2: Exploration and Growing Doubts

Intriguing Moment 1: Mystery

• Scene: Emily explores the library and meets forgotten souls of writers.

• Play Out: As Emily delves deeper into the library, she encounters the spirits of past writers who share their tragic stories and lost masterpieces with her. Each writer hints at a hidden force that caused their downfall.

• Detail: The spirits appear in a spectral, ghostly form, their voices filled with sorrow and regret. Their stories are interspersed with flashbacks, providing visual clues to the mysterious force at play.

Intriguing Moment 2: Covert Agenda

• Scene: Emily is torn between Donahue’s instructions and Azazel’s temptations.

• Play Out: Donahue provides Emily with guidance, emphasizing the importance of integrity in her storytelling. Meanwhile, Azazel, posing as a friendly mentor, tempts her with shortcuts to success and power.

• Detail: Split-screen visuals show Emily listening to Donahue’s sage advice on one side and Azazel’s seductive promises on the other, highlighting her internal conflict. The lighting for Donahue’s scenes is warm and soft, while Azazel’s scenes are dark and alluring.

Intriguing Moment 3: Hidden Identity

• Scene: Emily confronts repressed memories in the dream archive.

• Play Out: Emily accesses the dream archive, uncovering past lives and traumatic events she had forgotten. One vision reveals her as a powerful storyteller in a past life, targeted by dark forces.

• Detail: The dream sequences are surreal, with a hazy, dreamlike quality. The camera focuses on Emily’s reactions as she experiences these visions, her expressions shifting from confusion to horror to determination.

Intriguing Moment 4: Intrigue

• Scene: Emily finds a sense of community among the forgotten souls.

• Play Out: Emily bonds with the spirits of the forgotten writers, who reveal that they were all victims of a conspiracy led by Azazel to erase their work from history.

• Detail: The scene is emotionally charged, with the spirits sharing their stories in a circle around Emily. Their spectral forms flicker as they speak, and Emily’s determination grows with each revelation. The camera captures her resolve, contrasting the spirits' translucent forms with her solid presence.

Act 3: Confrontation and Revelation

Intriguing Moment 1: Cover-Up

• Scene: Azazel’s true intentions are revealed.

• Play Out: Emily uncovers evidence of Azazel’s manipulation in the library. She confronts him, and he admits to his plan to use her storytelling to spread chaos and despair.

• Detail: The confrontation takes place in the library’s darkest corner, with shadows creeping around Azazel’s form as he reveals his true nature. Emily’s face is illuminated by a flickering candle, symbolizing her fragile hope and determination.

Intriguing Moment 2: Superior Position

• Scene: Emily stands up to Azazel to save her puppy.

• Play Out: Azazel kidnaps Emily’s puppy, threatening to kill it unless she complies with his demands. Emily, fueled by love and newfound courage, confronts him and manages to injure him, rescuing her puppy.

• Detail: The scene is intense, with close-up shots of the puppy’s frightened eyes and Emily’s fierce determination. The fight is visceral, with Emily’s raw emotions driving her actions. The audience sees Azazel’s moment of vulnerability, foreshadowing his eventual defeat.

Intriguing Moment 3: Scheme

• Scene: Emily faces the reality of the dangerous price of unlocking the library’s secrets.

• Play Out: Donahue reveals the catastrophic consequences of misusing the library’s magic, emphasizing the responsibility Emily holds. The knowledge weighs heavily on her, and she realizes the depth of the conspiracy against her.

• Detail: Donahue’s revelation is delivered in a somber tone, with the camera focusing on Emily’s distressed face. The library’s once-warm glow dims, reflecting the gravity of the situation.

Intriguing Moment 4: Mystery

• Scene: Emily is shown the library’s magic and a way to outwit both Donahue and Azazel.

• Play Out: The library reveals its hidden magic to Emily, showing her a path to harness its power ethically and outsmart both Donahue and Azazel.

• Detail: The magical revelation is depicted with stunning visual effects, with books and scrolls glowing and floating around Emily. Her expression shifts from confusion to realization, and the audience sees the pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

Intriguing Moment 1: Conspiracy

• Scene: Emily defeats Azazel.

• Play Out: In a climactic battle, Emily uses her storytelling powers and the library’s magic to outwit and destroy Azazel. His plans unravel as she turns his tricks against him.

• Detail: The battle is visually spectacular, with Emily’s words forming tangible forces that clash with Azazel’s dark magic. The final blow is delivered with a surge of light, symbolizing Emily’s triumph over darkness.

Intriguing Moment 2: Superior Position

• Scene: Emily writes the best story of her life.

• Play Out: Inspired by the library’s hidden magic and her own experiences, Emily writes a story that captivates the world, fulfilling her mission and bringing hope to humanity.

• Detail: A montage shows Emily typing furiously, intercut with scenes of people around the world reading her story and feeling inspired. The camera captures her intense focus and the joy of creation, culminating in a shot of her satisfied smile as she finishes the manuscript.

Intriguing Moment 3: Hidden Identity

• Scene: God visits Emily, thanking her for her service.

• Play Out: God appears to Emily, revealing that she has always been destined for this role, her past lives leading up to this moment. He thanks her for her service, affirming her true identity and purpose.

• Detail: The scene is serene and filled with light, with God’s presence enveloping Emily in a warm glow. Her face reflects a deep sense of peace and fulfillment as she realizes her true identity and purpose.

Intriguing Moment 4: Cover-Up

• Scene: Emily continues her journey with newfound determination.

• Play Out: Emily, now fully embracing her role, sets out to continue her mission, knowing there are more stories to uncover and share. The library remains a hidden refuge, its secrets safeguarded by Emily’s newfound wisdom.

• Detail: The final shot shows Emily walking away from the library, her back straight and her steps confident. The library’s entrance closes behind her, blending into the surroundings, symbolizing its continued secrecy and Emily’s ongoing journey.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Emotional Moments

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is the concept was already an emotional idea and adding more emotion into it will make it a tear-jerker!

2. Like the example above, give us a one or two-sentence explanation of the emotional moments in each act of your project.

ACT 1:

Distress: No matter how hard Emily tries she just can’t catch a break. Decides she can’t go on.

Hidden Weakness: Her drinking is getting out of hand but she refuses to get help.

Surprise: She meets God and He has a mission for her that cannot fail.

ACT 2:

Moral Issue: After meeting both Donahue and Azazel, Emily struggles with the stories they want her to write as the content isn’t what one would expect from “divine” beings.

Surprise: Forgotten characters come to Emily to help her with her mission.

Courage: Discovers what Donahue and Azazel are trying to do and vows she will not fall prey to their machinations.

ACT 3:

Courage: Emily writes what she thinks God wants and not what Donahue and Azazel want.

Distress: Azazel makes sexual advances to her and tries to kill her puppy.

Courage/Surprise: Emily summons everything she has to stop Azazel surprising even herself.

ACT 4:

Hidden Weakness: In a last-ditch effort to win, uses Emily’s addiction against her.

Courage: Emily has written a masterpiece and weaves her story-telling against Donahue. Donahue has forgotten that love is the answer, not power.

Success/Winning: Emily’s masterpiece is read by millions initiating a turnaround of the human consciousness.

CHATGPT Version:

Act 1: Initiation and Inciting Incident

1. Surprise – Emily survives her suicide attempt and encounters the hidden library:

• Scene: After drinking vodka and taking painkillers, Emily slips into unconsciousness, expecting to die. Instead, she wakes up in a strange, ethereal place.

• Emotional Play: Emily’s shock is palpable. She initially believes she is dead, but the awe and wonder at the sight of the mysterious library, filled with ancient typewriters and books, stirs a sense of curiosity and amazement. This emotional shift from despair to awe lays the foundation for her journey.

• Script Detail: The camera pans around Emily’s astonished face, her eyes widening as she takes in the endless rows of books. The ethereal glow of the library illuminates her, contrasting her previous darkness.

2. Bonding – Emily meets God and receives her mission:

• Scene: In the library, Emily meets a calm, reassuring figure—God, who gently explains that she has a purpose: to rekindle spirituality through her writing.

• Emotional Play: Initially skeptical and confused, Emily slowly starts to feel a connection with this divine presence. The conversation brings her a sense of peace and newfound hope.

• Script Detail: Close-up on Emily’s face as she listens, her expression softening from suspicion to awe. God’s comforting words echo in the background as she starts to believe in the possibility of her new mission.

3. Distress – Emily wakes up in the hospital with her distraught brother:

• Scene: Emily is jolted back to reality, awakening in a sterile hospital room. Her brother is at her side, eyes red from crying, a look of anguish on his face.

• Emotional Play: The stark contrast between the mystical library and the harsh reality of the hospital leaves Emily feeling disoriented and distressed. Her brother’s pain adds to her guilt and regret.

• Script Detail: The scene opens with a blurry POV shot from Emily’s perspective, slowly focusing on her brother’s tear-streaked face. The sound of heart monitors and the sterile hospital environment intensify the emotional gravity.

4. Sacrifice – Emily decides to embrace her new purpose despite her doubts:

• Scene: At home, Emily stares at the typewriter her brother gifted her, feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of her task. Despite her fear and self-doubt, she decides to try.

• Emotional Play: This moment is a mix of fear and courage. Emily sacrifices her previous resignation to despair, choosing instead to embark on this uncertain, daunting journey.

• Script Detail: Emily’s hand hovers over the typewriter keys, trembling slightly. The camera zooms in on her determined expression as she takes a deep breath and starts typing.

Act 2: Exploration and Growing Doubts

1. Excitement – Emily explores the library and meets forgotten souls of writers:

• Scene: Emily delves deeper into the library, encountering the spirits of past writers who share their stories and wisdom with her.

• Emotional Play: Her initial apprehension transforms into excitement and inspiration as she interacts with these legendary figures, feeling a sense of belonging and purpose.

• Script Detail: The library scenes are vibrant and dynamic, with swirling pages and animated discussions, reflecting Emily’s growing enthusiasm and immersion in this mystical world.

2. Emotional Dilemma – Emily is torn between Donahue’s instructions and Azazel’s temptations:

• Scene: Donahue provides Emily with an outline to write a story, while Azazel offers her a seemingly easier path to success.

• Emotional Play: Emily is caught in a moral quandary, feeling the pressure of Donahue’s expectations and the allure of Azazel’s tempting shortcuts.

• Script Detail: Split-screen effect showing Emily’s contemplative face as she listens to Donahue on one side and Azazel on the other, illustrating her internal conflict.

3. Trigger Their Wounds – Emily confronts repressed memories in the dream archive:

• Scene: While exploring the dream archive, Emily uncovers painful memories of past lives and the traumatic events that have shaped her.

• Emotional Play: These revelations trigger deep-seated wounds, causing Emily to question her worth and ability to fulfill her mission.

• Script Detail: Flashback sequences interwoven with present-day Emily reacting emotionally, her face reflecting the pain and struggle as she relives these memories.

4. Bonding – Emily finds a sense of community among the forgotten souls:

• Scene: As Emily continues to interact with the forgotten souls, she forms deep connections with them, sharing stories and gaining their support.

• Emotional Play: This sense of camaraderie and mutual respect strengthens Emily’s resolve, making her feel less alone in her quest.

• Script Detail: A montage of Emily laughing, discussing, and writing with the spirits, highlighting the growing sense of community and shared purpose.

Act 3: Confrontation and Revelation

1. Betrayal – Azazel’s true intentions are revealed:

• Scene: Emily learns that Azazel has been manipulating her from the beginning, aligning with Donahue for his own nefarious purposes.

• Emotional Play: The betrayal cuts deep, shattering Emily’s trust and making her question everything she’s been working towards.

• Script Detail: Emily’s face contorts in anger and disbelief as Azazel’s deception unfolds. The revelation is accompanied by a dramatic score, emphasizing the emotional impact.

2. Courage – Emily stands up to Azazel to save her puppy:

• Scene: In a tense confrontation, Azazel grabs Emily’s puppy and threatens to kill it, pushing Emily to find the strength to fight back.

• Emotional Play: Driven by a fierce protective instinct and newfound courage, Emily wounds Azazel, saving her puppy and asserting her strength.

• Script Detail: The confrontation is intense, with close-up shots of Emily’s determined face and Azazel’s sinister expression. The puppy’s whimpers add emotional weight to the scene.

3. Distress – Emily faces the reality of the dangerous price of unlocking the library’s secrets:

• Scene: Donahue warns Emily of the catastrophic consequences if she continues on her current path, heightening the stakes.

• Emotional Play: The distress and anxiety weigh heavily on Emily as she grapples with the potential fallout of her actions and the pressure to make the right choice.

• Script Detail: Donahue’s grave warnings are delivered in a low, ominous tone, with Emily’s distressed face framed in a tight close-up, and tears brimming in her eyes.

4. Moral Issue – Emily is shown the library’s magic and a way to outwit both Donahue and Azazel:

• Scene: The library reveals a hidden magic that offers Emily a chance to turn the tables on both antagonists, but it comes with a moral dilemma.

• Emotional Play: Emily is torn between using this powerful magic for her own gain or sticking to her principles and finding a more ethical solution.

• Script Detail: The library’s magical elements are depicted with dazzling visual effects, while Emily’s internal struggle is conveyed through her conflicted expressions and hesitant actions.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

1. Success/Winning – Emily defeats Azazel:

• Scene: In a dramatic showdown, Emily uses her newfound powers and storytelling abilities to destroy Azazel and thwart his plan.

• Emotional Play: The triumph is exhilarating, a culmination of Emily’s growth and determination. She feels empowered and victorious.

• Script Detail: The battle is visually spectacular, with Emily’s words materializing into powerful forces that overwhelm Azazel. The scene ends with a triumphant Emily standing over the defeated villain.

2. Excitement – Emily writes the best story of her life:

• Scene: Inspired by a dream from the archives, Emily writes a story that not only fulfills her mission but also resonates deeply with humanity.

• Emotional Play: The creative process is thrilling, filled with a sense of purpose and inspiration. Emily’s excitement is contagious.

• Script Detail: A montage of Emily writing furiously, intercut with scenes of the story’s impact on people around the world, capturing the excitement and significance of her work.

3. Love – God visits Emily, thanking her for her service:

• Scene: In a tender, heartfelt moment, God appears to Emily, expressing gratitude and giving her a warm embrace.

• Emotional Play: The love and appreciation from this divine figure fill Emily with a profound sense of validation and fulfillment, reinforcing her worth and the importance of her journey.

• Script Detail: The scene is bathed in soft, golden light, with gentle music underscoring the emotional connection. Emily’s face reflects a deep sense of peace and love.

4. Bonding – Emily continues her journey with newfound determination:

• Scene: Emily, now fully embracing her role as a storyteller, sets out on new adventures, ready to face future challenges with confidence and understanding.

• Emotional Play: The final bonding moment is between Emily and her purpose, symbolizing her complete transformation and readiness for the future.

• Script Detail: The final shot shows Emily walking away from the library, her back straight and her steps confident, with the puppy trotting happily beside her, signifying her new beginning.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Reveals!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is the set-ups/reveals were already in the outline they just needed some rewriting.

Set-Ups & Reveals

Act 1:
Set-up: Emily’s day begins with a stark reminder of her alcoholism and disillusionment. She spends her morning hiding from the world, closing the blinds, and drowning her sorrows in wine, attempting to write but ending up with fragmented doodles and discarded drafts.

Reveal: As Emily falls asleep on her computer amidst overturned wine bottles, she has a vivid dream where she sees herself in a room filled with floating manuscripts and typewriters, hinting at the hidden library she will soon discover.

Set-up: On Christmas Eve, Emily’s frustrations peak when she receives another rejection letter. In a fit of rage, she destroys her apartment, ultimately downing vodka and painkillers as she writes a suicide note to her brother.

Reveal: As paramedics try to revive her, the scene shifts to Emily in a surreal landscape, where bookshelves stretch infinitely and an ethereal figure appears, foreshadowing her encounter with the hidden library.

Act 2:
Set-up: In meditation, Donahue introduces Emily to a hidden section of the library, presenting her with an ancient, cryptic outline that glows with an otherworldly light.

Reveal: Emily discovers that each glowing script represents a forgotten soul or writer whose works are crucial to reigniting spirituality on Earth, placing immense responsibility on her shoulders.

Set-up: As Emily writes the story outlined by Donahue, Azazel appears, offering her tempting promises of success and wealth. He manipulates light and shadow, creating an almost seductive atmosphere.

Reveal: Despite her initial resistance, Emily’s old doubts resurface, and she begins to question her abilities and the true intentions behind Donahue and Azazel’s guidance.
Act 3:
Set-up: During a vivid dream, Emily stumbles upon the dream archive within the library, filled with ancient journals and prophecies about her role and the library’s secrets.

Reveal: Emily learns about her divine lineage and her brother’s secret role in protecting her, realizing that she must outwit Donahue and Azazel to free the true guardian.

Set-up: Azazel attempts to manipulate Emily through seduction and intimidation, threatening her puppy to break her resolve.

Reveal: Emily finds her voice and, using the power of her words, wounds Azazel and saves her puppy, demonstrating her growing mastery over her newfound abilities.

Act 4:
Set-up: Emily, empowered by her discoveries, confronts Donahue about his lies and deceit. She weaves a powerful story that causes him to shrink before her.

Reveal: As Donahue reveals his tragic backstory and the burden of his role, Emily realizes the depth of his internal conflict, setting the stage for a complex climax.

Set-up: In the final showdown, Emily writes a story that changes reality, protecting the dream archive and humanity from Donahue’s and Azazel’s schemes.

Reveal: Donahue, in a moment of redemption, helps Emily secure the library’s future before fading into the archives, symbolized by his form dissolving into a cascade of glowing letters.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Action Tracks!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is some of what I had envisioned wasn’t working and once I took it through ChatGPT, which has resulted in re-tooling the outline. ChatGPT does seem to help the creative process as I’ve had a few ‘ah ha’ moments.

BEGIN OUTLINE

TITLE: GOD’s LIBRARY

GENRE: Drama/Fantasy

ACT 1: Emily decides to commit suicide but doesn’t die.

OPENING

Emily PJ 1: Emily’s drinking problem. Sitting at her computer typing and drinking. Going to work hungover again. Action Emily: Closes the blinds. Gets a wineglass and a bottle of wine. Pours the wine. Fires up her computer. Sits down. Types away. Later: Emily is asleep on top of her computer. Three bottles of wine lay overturned on the table. The wineglass on the floor. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily tries to write but ends up doodling fragmented ideas and discarded drafts.

Emily PJ 2: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily comes home from work. Opens her mail to another rejection letter. Loses control. Throws things around. Destroys things. Gets out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers. Sits down and starts to drink. Pens a suicide note to her brother. Action Emily: Emily strolls along the sidewalk. Christmas music plays. Shop windows are full of Christmas decorations. Stops to get her mail. Inside her tiny apartment, her hands tremble as she opens one of the letters. Another rejection letter! RAGE & FRUSTRATION – Throws it across the room. Throws other things around. Gets out a bottle of vodka and her anti-depressants. Gets a clean piece of paper and a pen. Pops a handful of pills into her mouth. Drinks the vodka. Writes the note. Later: On the floor, in her vomit, paramedics try to revive her. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily’s destructive outburst is punctuated by her tearing pages from her past works.

INCITING INCIDENT

Emily PJ 3: Instead of dying, she has a near-death experience. Action Emily: Emily stands in a room with bookshelves to the ceiling and goes on as far as the eye can see. They are filled with books. She is dressed in white. She floats to a shelf and a book pops off the shelf into her hands and she looks at the title – Life of Emily Davis. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: In her NDE, Emily’s surroundings shift to a surreal landscape of floating manuscripts and typewriters.

Emily PJ 4: In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing. Action Emily: Stares at the book. Drops it. Action God: God picks up the book and tells her it’s very interesting reading. Guides her to a table. She sits down. Explains that she cannot stay because her mission is not finished. Action Emily: Wants to know her mission. Action God: To bring spirituality back to Earth through her writing. And, the return is going to hurt because God has to stuff her soul back into her body. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: During her encounter with God, Emily touches a forgotten manuscript that momentarily glows.

TURNING POINT

Emily PJ 5: Emily wakes up in the hospital. Her distraught brother is by her side. Action Emily: Wakes up. Takes a minute to focus. Tubes run out of her arm, machines beep, sees her brother. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: As she wakes up in the hospital, Emily experiences fleeting visions of the library’s corridors.

Brother CC1: He takes her home. Gives her a puppy to help her recover. Action Brother: Sits with Emily until she wakes up. He has tears in his eyes because he hasn’t been there for her since their parents died in the car crash. When she’s stable enough, he takes her to his home. A puppy is waiting for her. Action Emily: Falls in love with the puppy.

Emily PJ 6: Starts experiencing visions. Action Emily: Sits down to meditate with the puppy snoozing on her lap. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: The visions become more vivid, showing characters from forgotten tales urging her to save them.

Donahue AJ 1: Introduces himself to Emily in one of the visions. Says he is sent by God to assist her with her writing. Action Emily: Meditating. Action Donahue: Enters her meditation. Introduces himself. He’s been sent by God to help her with her writing. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue materializes from a cloud of forgotten words, exuding an aura of both authority and menace. Presenting himself as both a guide and a gatekeeper to Emily.

ACT 2: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers.

NEW PLAN

Donahue AJ 2: Presents Emily with an outline to write a story. Action Emily: In meditation, she explores the library with Donahue as her guide. Action Donahue: Takes her to a section of the library where the forgotten souls of writers are. Emily’s job is to finish their creations which were all drafted to bring spirituality back to humanity. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue guides Emily to a hidden section of the library where ancient scripts glow with an otherworldly light. He presents Emily with a cryptic outline written in an ancient language, which she must decipher to progress.

Azazel CC 1: Introduces himself to Emily and tells her he’s here to help her. The puppy doesn’t like him. Action Emily: Looks over the outline provided by Donahue. Action Azazel: Pops into her reality to introduce himself. ChatGPT Specific Action Azazel: Azazel introduces himself with a flourish, manipulating shadow and light to create a dramatic, almost seductive atmosphere. Action Puppy: Growls at Azazel.

Emily PJ 7: Emily writes the story even though she has doubts fueled by Azazel. Action Emily: Sits at the computer and writes away. Action Azazel: Makes little comments as he reads over her shoulder. Action Emily: Azazel’s comments make her nervous and falls back into old behaviours. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Despite Azazel’s temptations, Emily writes furiously, her fingers moving as if guided by an unseen force.

Emily PJ 8: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers and their characters. Feels a sense of belonging. She begins to recover repressed memories and uncovers the true nature of her task- to free the true guardian. Hinting at the hidden realities of the library. Action Emily: Deep in meditation she strolls through the library. Emily exudes happiness. Meets some of the forgotten souls of writers and their characters. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: In her exploration, Emily meets characters who interact with her, each revealing fragments of her own past lives and their connection to her current mission.

PLAN IN ACTION

Emily PJ 9: She delves deeper into her writing but faces doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel. Goes in search of Donahue and Azazel in the library. Action Emily: Armed with new information, Emily creates an outline of another article. Then goes in search of Donahue and Azazel in the library. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily’s writing sessions are interspersed with surreal, dream-like sequences where she interacts with characters and plotlines from the library.

Donahue AJ 3/Azazel CC 2: In the Library looking at a huge book of spells. Discuss how the spell they found could mold Emily to their will. Action Emily: Finds Donahue and Azazel but hides. Action Donahue/Azazel: Looking through a very large book. Action Azazel: Tells Donahue he found what they needed so they can mold Emily to their will. Action Donahue: Stops at a page. Reads the page with his finger going down the page. Tells Azazel this is the spell they will use. Goes in search of Emily with new instructions. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue’s anger flares, causing books to fly off the shelves and manuscripts to burst into flames.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:

Emily PJ 10: Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue’s instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel. Action Donahue: Presents Emily with another outline. Action Emily: Looks through the outline. But with her new information, she worries she cannot enact her plan. Action Azazel: Starts to make suggestions that if she agrees, he will make her the most successful and rich writer there ever was! ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily faces a moral dilemma presented by a character from a forgotten tale who challenges her beliefs about right and wrong.

Emily PJ 11: Emily discovers the dream archive which also reveals her past lives and the true implications of her writing. Emily starts to piece together her divine lineage and her brother’s secret role in protecting her. Must find a way to subvert Donahue and Azazel and free the True Guardian. Action Emily: During sleep, Emily explores more of the library. Stumbles upon the dream archive. Reads about her dreams and her brothers. Meets her parents who encourage her to fulfill God’s mission. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: In the dream archive, Emily finds an ancient journal that contains prophecies about her role and the library’s secrets.

ACT 3: RE-THINK EVERYTHING

Emily PJ 12: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library’s secrets. Action Emily: Enters a trance state. Starts to draw her lineage from what she has discovered within the library. Action Donahue: He shows up to discover Emily hasn’t finished the next article. Reviews what she is creating. Explodes. Tells Emily she cannot reveal these secrets or she will die. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily has a tense confrontation with Donahue in the heart of the library, surrounded by swirling books and ancient tomes.

Azazel CC 3: Makes sexual overtures to Emily. Action Azazel: Enters Emily’s workspace. Makes sexual suggestions. ChatGPT Specific Action Azazel: Azazel makes a sensual, almost hypnotic approach towards Emily, playing on her vulnerabilities.

Emily PJ 13: Action Emily: Rejects Azazel. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily stands her ground, using the power of words to create a protective barrier around herself.

Azazel CC 4: Action Azazel: Grabs her puppy and starts to kill it. ChatGPT Specific Action Azazel: Azazel grabs her puppy, summoning dark, shadowy figures to hold Emily back as he kills the puppy.

Emily PJ 14: Action Emily: Finds her voice. Utters a command. And wounds Azazel – saving her puppy. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily unleashes a torrent of words from her manuscript, which transform into tangible forces that repel Azazel and saves her puppy.

Donahue AJ 4: Action Donahue: Appears in the workspace. Finds Azazel on the floor wounded. Demands to know what happened. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue arrives, his presence causing the shadows to retreat, but his expression is one of anger and betrayal.

Emily PJ 15: Action Emily: Tells Donahue about Azazel’s attempted rape. She gives a demonstration of what her voice and therefore her power, can do.

Donahue AJ 5: Action Donahue: Leaves with Azazel. Decides Emily is too dangerous and must be eliminated.

NEW PLAN

Emily PJ 16: Emily visits the library and is shown its magic. And a way to outwit both Donahue and Azazel. Tells the imprisoned guardian she has found a way to release him. But first, she must get rid of Donahue and Azazel. Action Emily: Visits the library without the aid of meditation or sleep. She’s embraced its magic to do this. Sits with the true guardian. Tells him she’s found a way to release him. But first must destroy Donahue and finish off Azazel. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily discovers a hidden chamber in the library that shows her visions of alternate realities based on her stories. Emily writes a counter-narrative that weaves together elements from the forgotten tales to undermine Azazel’s twisted plot.

Azazel CC 5: Azazel subverts Emily’s written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity – sending the seven signs of the end of the world from Revelation to all four corners of the planet. Action Azazel: Enters Emily’s workspace when she’s gone. Finds the article on her computer. Changes it. Publishes it. ChatGPT Specific Action Azazel: Azazel manipulates Emily’s written words, causing chaos in the real world.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT:

Emily PJ 17: Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game. Action Emily: Discovers the article has been published. But it has been changed. The sky outside turns black with red streaks. Thunder rolls across the sky. Trumpets are heard coming from the sky.

Emily PJ 18: Confronts Azazel. Destroys him by sending him into a nightmare. Action Emily: Enters the library looking for Azazel. Finds him playing God by sending signs of Revelation to the Earth. She utters a Word. Azazel turns to dust.

Emily PJ 19: Action Emily: Writes a piece saying the seven signs from Revelation were a new CGI being tested by Hollywood. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily narrates a powerful story that binds Donahue with the library’s ancient magic, preventing him from causing further harm.

Donahue AJ 6: Confronts Emily. Action Donahue: He appears to Emily as she publishes the new piece calming humanity. Demands to know where Azazel is. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue confronts Emily, attempting to seize control of the library’s power, but Emily’s newfound confidence makes her unyielding.

Emily PJ 20: Tells Donahue she destroyed Azazel. Calmed the people of Earth. And she’s going to destroy him the same way she destroyed Azazel. Action Emily: Tells Donahue how she destroyed Azazel. And, that will be how she destroys Donahue once she releases the true guardian. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily’s final story transforms the library into a beacon of hope, accessible to all who seek inspiration.

Donahue AJ 7: Donahue reveals his backstory. Action Donahue: He begs her not to destroy him. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: Donahue reveals his tragic backstory and the true burden of his role.

Act 4: THE CLIMAX INVOLVES EMILY USING HER NEWFOUND POWERS TO WRITE A STORY THAT CHANGES REALITY.

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

EMILY PJ 21: Emily confronts Donahue about his lies. Uses her storytelling abilities to protect the dream archive and humanity. Action Emily: She wants to know why he lied to her. She weaves a story causing Donahue to shrink before her.

EMILY PJ 22: Action Emily: Writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives. Publishes it to great acclaim. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily’s masterpiece is read by millions, each person experiencing a personal revelation through her words.

Brother CC2: Action Brother: Is so proud of Emily. He throws her a party.

Donahue AJ 7: Action Donahue: In a climatic showdown, Donahue tries to subvert her story but fails. Tries to crash Emily’s party but discovers Emily’s determination and newfound powers are too strong. ChatGPT Specific Action Donahue: In a final act of redemption, Donahue helps Emily secure the library’s future before fading into the archives. His form dissolves into a cascade of glowing letters that symbolize his release – Love.

RESOLUTION

EMILY PJ 23: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She releases the true guardian. Action Emily: Leaves the library. ChatGPT Specific Action Emily: Emily leaves the library, determined and revitalized, carrying a magical quill that symbolizes her eternal role as a storyteller.

God CC 2: God visits Emily and thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favour of the Divine. Action God: He gives Emily a hug and kiss. Emily’s parents appear and hug her and kiss her also. Then they all disappear. ChatGPT Specific Action God: Emily receives a heartfelt visit from God, who blesses her with an unending well of creativity.

Emily PJ 24: Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding, ready to face future challenges. Action Emily: Moves into her new penthouse apartment which overlooks the river. Begins her new life changed and healthy with her puppy.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s New Outline Beats!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it allowed me to ask the questions necessary to get a great outline. I felt I was missing something the way it came out in Lesson 3.

Start at the beginning of the outline, and move through it to see if there are any obvious missing beats. If so, add them. If you think of any new additions as you look for missing beats, this is also a good time to add them.

BEGIN OUTLINE

ACT 1: Emily decides to commit suicide but doesn’t die.

OPENING

Emily PJ 1: Emily’s drinking problem. Sitting at her computer typing and drinking. Going to work hungover again.

Emily PJ 2: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily comes home from work. Opens her mail to another rejection letter. Loses control.
Throws things around. Destroys things. Gets out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers. Sits down and starts to drink. Pens a suicide note to her brother.

INCITING INCIDENT

Emily PJ 3: Instead of dying, she has a near-death experience.

Emily PJ 4: In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing.

TURNING POINT

Emily PJ 5: Emily wakes up in the hospital. Her distraught brother is by her side.

Brother CC1: He takes her home. Gives her a puppy to help her recover.

Emily PJ 6: Starts experiencing visions.

Donahue AJ 1: Introduces himself to Emily in one of the visions. Says he is sent by God to assist her with her writing.

ACT 2: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers.

NEW PLAN

Donahue AJ 2: Presents Emily with an outline to write a story.

Azazel CC 1: Introduces himself to Emily and tells her he’s here to help her.

Emily PJ 7: Emily writes the story even though she has doubts fueled by Azazel.

Emily PJ 8: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers and their characters. Feels a sense of belonging. And, someone else – the True Guardian of the Library. She begins to recover repressed memories and uncovers the true nature of her task- to free the true guardian. Hinting at the hidden realities of the library.

PLAN IN ACTION

Emily PJ 9: She delves deeper into her writing but faces doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel. Goes in search of Donahue and Azazel in the library.

Donahue AJ 3/Azazel CC 2: In the Library looking at a huge book of spells. Discuss how the spell they found could mold Emily to their will.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:

Emily PJ 10: Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue's instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel.

Emily PJ 12: Emily discovers the dream archive which also reveals her past lives and the true implications of her writing. Emily starts to piece together her divine lineage and her brother’s secret role in protecting her. Finds a way to subvert Donahue and Azazel.

ACT 3: RE-THINK EVERYTHING

Emily PJ 13: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library's secrets – she cannot tell a living being about the library otherwise she will lose her life. Discovering the true Guardian of the library is imprisoned in the library.

Emily PJ 14: She confronts Azazel.

Azazel CC 3: Makes sexual overtures to Emily.

Emily PJ 15: Emily rejects Azazel.

Azazel CC 4: Grabs her puppy and starts to kill it.

Emily PJ 16: Finds her voice and wounds Azazel – saving her puppy.

Donahue AJ 4: Donahue appears. Finds Azazel on the floor. Donahue demands to know what happened.

Emily PJ 17: Emily tells Donahue. Gives a demonstration of what her voice and therefore her power, can do.

Donahue AJ 5: Leaves with Azazel. Decides Emily is too dangerous and must be eliminated.

NEW PLAN

Emily PJ 18: Emily visits the library and is shown its magic. And a way to outwit both Donahue and Azazel. Tells the imprisoned guardian she has found a way to release him. But first, she must get rid of Donahue and Azazel.

Azazel CC 5: Azazel subverts Emily's written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity – sending the seven signs of the end of the world from Revelation to all four corners of the planet.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT:

Emily PJ 19: Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game.

Emily PJ 20: Confronts Azazel. Destroys him by sending him into a nightmare.

Emily PJ 21: Writes a piece saying the seven signs from Revelation was a new CGI being tested by Hollywood.

Donahue AJ 6: Confronts Emily.

Emily PJ 22: Tells Donahue she destroyed Azazel. Calmed the people of Earth. And she’s going to destroy him the same way she destroyed Azazel. And release the real guardian.

Donahue AJ 7: Donahue reveals that he was doing the real guardian a favour by imprisoning him – because he loves him.

Act 4: THE CLIMAX INVOLVES EMILY USING HER NEWFOUND POWERS TO WRITE A STORY THAT CHANGES REALITY.

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

EMILY PJ 22: Emily confronts Donahue about his lies. Uses her storytelling abilities to protect the dream archive and humanity.

EMILY PJ 23: Emily writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives.

Donahue AJ 7: In a climatic showdown, Donahue tries to subvert her story but fails as Emily’s determination and newfound powers prove too strong.

RESOLUTION

EMILY PJ 24: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She releases the true guardian.

God CC 2: God visits Emily and thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favour of the Divine.

Emily PJ 25: Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding, ready to face future challenges.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it allows seeing it all in one place and to think about how this is going to look in the next phases.

Begin with your 4-act Structure. Create the first draft of your Beat Sheet.

ACT 1: Emily decides to commit suicide but doesn’t die.

OPENING

Emily PJ 1: Emily’s drinking problem. Sitting at her computer typing and drinking. Going to work hungover again.

Emily PJ 2: It’s Christmas Eve. Emily comes home from work. Opens her mail to another rejection letter. Loses control.
Throws things around. Destroys things. Gets out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers. Sits down and starts to drink. Pens a suicide note to her brother.

INCITING INCIDENT

Emily PJ 3: Instead of dying, she has a near-death experience.

Emily PJ 4: In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing.

TURNING POINT

Emily PJ 5: Emily wakes up in the hospital. Her distraught brother is by her side.

Brother CC1: He takes her home. Gives her a puppy to help her recover.

Emily PJ 6: Starts experiencing visions.

Donahue AJ 1: Introduces himself to Emily in one of the visions.

ACT 2: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers.

NEW PLAN

Donahue AJ 2: Presents Emily with an outline to write a story.

Azazel CC 1: Introduces himself to Emily and tells her he’s here to help her.

Emily PJ 7: Emily writes the story even though she has doubts fueled by Azazel.

Emily PJ 8: Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers and their characters. Feels a sense of belonging. She begins to recover repressed memories and uncovers the true nature of her task. Hinting at the hidden realities of the library.

PLAN IN ACTION
Emily PJ 9: She delves deeper into her writing but faces doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:

Emily PJ 10: Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue's instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel.

Emily PJ 11: Emily discovers the dream archive which also reveals her past lives and the true implications of her writing. Emily starts to piece together her divine lineage and her brother’s secret role in protecting her.

ACT 3: RE-THINK EVERYTHING

Emily PJ 12: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library's secrets.

Emily PJ 13: She confronts Azazel.

Azazel CC 2: Makes sexual overtures to Emily.

Emily PJ 14: Emily rejects Azazel.

Azazel CC 3: Grabs her puppy and starts to kill it.

Emily PJ 15: Finds her voice and wounds Azazel – saving her puppy.

Donahue AJ 3: Donahue appears. Finds Azazel on the floor. Donahue demands to know what happened. Leaves with Azazel.

NEW PLAN

Emily PJ 16: Emily visits the library and is shown its magic. And a way to outwit both Donahue and Azazel.

Azazel CC 4: Azazel subverts Emily's written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT:

Emily PJ 17: Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game.

Emily PJ 18: Confronts Azazel. Destroys him.

Donahue AJ 4: Confronts Emily.

Emily PJ 19: Tells Donahue she destroyed Azazel. And she’s going to destroy him.

Donahue AJ 5: Donahue reveals his reasons for his antagonism and his benevolence.

Act 4: THE CLIMAX INVOLVES EMILY USING HER NEWFOUND POWERS TO WRITE A STORY THAT CHANGES REALITY.

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

EMILY PJ 20: Emily confronts Donahue. Uses her storytelling abilities to protect the dream archive and humanity.

EMILY PJ 21: Emily writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives.

Donahue AJ 6: In a climatic showdown, Donahue tries to subvert her story but fails as Emily’s determination and newfound powers prove too strong.

RESOLUTION

EMILY PJ 22: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing.

God CC 2: God visits Emily. Thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favour of the Divine.

Emily PJ 23: Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding, ready to face future challenges.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Deeper Layer!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this time, Chat GPT had some really good ideas. Not all of them. But a lot of good ideas.

EMILY DAVIS – PROTAGONIST

• Surface Layer: Emily is a struggling writer who wants to be successful and find purpose.

• Deeper Layer: Emily is a recovering alcoholic which she has hidden from her brother. She drank more to mask the fact she felt different from everyone and to hide the pain of losing her parents.

• Major Reveal: Emily learns that the accident that killed her parents was orchestrated by dark forces to ensure Emily’s potential as a storyteller does not come to light because her writing has the power to alter reality.

• Influences Surface Story: Donahue and Azazel know Emily is a powerful being who knows the celestial language of creation. He does everything he can think of to prevent her from discovering the truth of who she is. And, who he is.

• Hints: The hidden dream part of the library sparks the recovery of her repressed memories of her parent’s accident. She writes a short story about how she envisions her life and it comes true.

• Changes Reality: Discovering Emily is of divine lineage and chosen to re-ignite spirituality forces her to confront her identity and the choices she’s made, in order to change.

DONAHUE, THE GUARDIAN, ANTAGONIST

• Surface Layer: Donahue is helping Emily write God’s articles to inspire humanity towards being more spiritual.

• Deeper Layer: Donahue was the original architect of the library, his primary role is to collect the souls of forgotten writer’s and their stories. But he learns that each soul strengthens his power and enables his vision of taking over the After-Life.

• Major Reveal: These manipulative actions are driven by a desire to break free of the Library which he sees as a prison.
• Influences Surface Story: He’s been the one turning humanity away from the Divine.

• Hints: Battles with Azazel prevent him from seeing God is trying to replace him.

• Changes Reality: When Emily learns of his manipulations she writes him a story to break free of the library and face his judgment.

4-Act Integration

Act 1:

Emily’s drinking problem reveals her feelings of being different and wanting to fit in. Instead of embracing the differences she tries to slowly kill herself. Until she makes a real attempt on her life. Emily’s NDE allows her to embrace her special writing ability and the influence it has on her life.

Act 2:

Emily explores the library and meets the forgotten souls of writers and their characters. She begins to recover repressed memories and uncovers the true nature of her task. Hinting at the hidden realities of the library.

Midpoint:

Emily discovers the dream archive which also reveals her past lives and the true implications of her writing. Emily starts to piece together her divine lineage and her brother’s secret role in protecting her.

Act 3:

Emily confronts Azazel and Donahue, grappling with the realization that their roles are intertwined with her fate. She learns about Donahue’s reluctant antagonism and his hidden benevolence.

Act 4:

The climax involves Emily using her newfound powers to write a story that changes reality, freeing the trapped entities in the library and uncovering the true Guardian. The resolution sees Emily fully embrace her role, understanding the deeper layers of her existence, and setting the stage for future challenges.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Structure

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to make sure the main characters are always in crisis of some sort.

2. Start with the Protagonist and your source material. Create a beginning, middle, and end of the character’s story.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters in the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.

EMILY DAVIS, PROTAGONIST

• Beginning: It’s the Christmas season. Emily Davis is introduced as a struggling writer as she battles writer’s block and financial struggles while attempting to write her novel, which she hopes will be her big break. She’s trapped working odd jobs to make ends meet but they’re draining her spirit. Emily decides to end it all as the struggle is overwhelming. On Christmas Eve she sets down a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers.

• Inciting Incident: Instead of dying, she has a near-death experience. In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing. (NTO: God whispers something in her ear, just before she returns – this is the surprise!) But there’s a catch…God introduces her to Donahue, the Guardian of the Library.

• Turning Point 1: Emily wakes up in the hospital, her distraught brother by her side. He takes her home and gives her a puppy to help her recover. In her brother’s mansion, she starts experiencing strange phenomena starring the Guardian Donahue who shows her some stories that God wants Emily to write.

• Act 2:

o New plan: Emily reluctantly agrees to write the piece outlined by Donahue. Leaves her alone to work on the article. Once Donahue vanishes, Azazel appears to tell her he has been sent to help her.

o Plan in action: During her visions, Emily explores the library and meets forgotten characters, feeling a sense of belonging. She delves deeper into her writing but struggles with doubts about her abilities and the true relationship between Donahue and Azazel.

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue's instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel. And, realizes Donahue and Azazel are both in it together. To outwit them, Emily must explore deeper into the Library. And, discovers the dream archive that they didn’t even know about.

• Act 3:

o Re-think Everything: Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library's secrets. She confronts Azazel and rejects his sexual overtures. Azazel grabs the puppy and threatens to kill it. Emily finds her voice, hurts Azazel, and saves her puppy.

o New Plan: Emily must make a life-altering choice to determine the outcome of the cosmic battle. She confronts both Donahue and a weakened Azazel in a climactic showdown, using her storytelling abilities.

• Turning Point 3: Emily writes the best story of her life based on a dream she found in the archives. But Azazel attempts to subvert Emily's written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity. Emily finds out and destroys Azazel. One down.

• Act 4:

o New Plan: Emily confronts Donahue. Tells him she destroyed Azazel. In a climactic showdown, using her storytelling abilities to protect the dream archive and humanity, Emily defeats Donahue.

o Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She witnesses the consequences of Donahue and Azazel's manipulation and continues her journey toward enlightenment, ready to face future challenges.

• Resolution: God visits Emily and thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favor of the Divine. Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding.

DONAHUE, THE GUARDIAN, ANTAGONIST

• Beginning: Donahue, an Ancient Supernatural being, and Guardian of God’s Library, is battling an Ancient Evil who has taken up residence in the far reaches of the Library when he is summonsed to the Gates. Another Transient (A Near-Death Experiencer.) is incoming. Donahue knows God doesn’t trust him.

• Inciting Incident: God introduces Donahue to Emily, a writer. Donahue senses that God is going to use Emily to re-ignite spirituality in humanity. And, God expects Donahue to guide Emily.

• Turning Point 1: Donahue begins to visit Emily in visions. Giving her a tour of the Library and showing her how to access the Library on her own.

• Act 2:

o New Plan: Donahue shows Emily the first article outline that God wants her to write, with a few points Donahue has input himself. He leaves her to it and goes in search of Azazel to recommence their battle. When he reaches their battlefield, he realizes Azazel has introduced himself to Emily.

o Plan in Action: Donahue races back to Emily. He cannot lose another writer to the Ancient Evil that pervades the Library. But when he reaches Emily, she is deep in meditation and Azazel is nowhere to be found. Maybe he’s imagining things!

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Donahue finds Azazel. If he loses another writer, God could appoint the Archangel Jophiel, the archangel of creativity. Donahue must defeat Azazel before the illusion he has created to shield God from the truth, fails. But Azazel outlines a plan to Donahue where Emily could be used to get what they both want – control of the After-Life.

• Act 3:

o Re-think Everything: Donahue visits Emily with the second outline only to discover she hasn’t published the first article. He demands to know where the first article is. Emily shows him the article. But it is completely different than what was outlined. Emily defends her story saying that is what her visions have created. Donahue loses it and tells her to stick to the plan.

o New Plan: Maybe Azazel is right. Maybe it’s time to team up instead of fighting for control of the After-Life. But when he finds Azazel, Azazel is wounded. And in a weakened state. Discover that it was Emily who damaged Azazel because she was protecting her puppy. Donahue decides that Azazel can be used to do Donahue’s bidding because of his weakened state.

• Turning Point 3: With this new plan in mind, Donahue visits Azazel. Only to discover he has ceased to exist. Emily was his downfall. Donahue now knows how dangerous Emily is. If she can destroy an Ancient Evil that has been plaguing the After-Life for eons, what could she do to Donahue?

• Act 4:

o New Plan: Donahue visits Emily. He wants to know how she, a mere mortal, could defeat Azazel.

o Climax Expression of the Ultimate Conflict: Emily shows him by weaving a story in the celestial language – the language of creation. A primordial language with the ability to heal or destroy. Donahue wondered where she found that language.

• Resolution: Donahue disintegrates before Emily’s eyes. She looks around and sees a large beautiful Angel, the ArchAngel Jophiel. Now the rescue of humanity can begin in earnest.

AZAZEL, CONNECTING CHARACTER, THE ANCIENT EVIL

• Beginning: Azazel, an Ancient Evil who has taken up residence in the far reaches of God’s Library, battles Donahue, an Ancient Supernatural being. The battle is paused when Donahue is summoned to the Gates. Azazel trails behind to discover what is happening.

• Inciting Incident: Azazel, hides behind a pillar as God and Donahue comfort the Transient. They will use the Transient to bring spirituality back to that useless Earth civilization. He can work with that.

• Turning Point 1: Azazel returns to his liar. Finds the book he’s looking for and starts to weave a story that will use this Emily to his advantage in taking over the After-Life.

• Act 2: Azazel introduces himself to Emily. Tells her he’s come to help her write her article and has a few suggestions.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Azazel seeks Donahue out calling a truce. He outlines a plan to Donahue where Emily could be used to get what they both want – control of the After-Life.

• Act 3: Azazel appears to Emily. Explains to her that having sex with him will give her unimaginable powers. Emily rejects his sexual overtures. Azazel grabs her puppy and starts to kill it.

• Turning Point 3: Azazel inhales the puppy’s essence.

• Act 4 Climax: Emily calms herself and repeats a spell in the celestial language.

• Resolution: Azazel falls dead. The puppy is saved.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Supporting Characters
Vision: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to think about the cast around the lead characters—which I hadn’t done before I started writing a script. I would just plug them in. I see the great value in this.
2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.
• Supporting Characters: Emily’s brother Paul; Azazel, the Tempter, Connecting Character, God
• Background Characters: Dr.’s/Nurses in the hospital,
3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.
Support 1:
• Name: Paul Davis
• Role: Emily’s Brother, a successful businessman
• Main purpose: To take Emily in after she tries to commit suicide. To be a sounding board for her “visions”.
• Value: To give him something to care about other than himself and to remind him that he lost his way and must find it back to help her.
Support 2:
• Name: Azazel Connecting Character
• Role: The Tempter
• Main purpose: To help Donahue the antagonist, take over the After-Life by manipulating Emily
• Value: He increases the tension because at first we see him being on Emily’s side but slowly he manipulates her into doing their evil bidding.
Support 3:
• Name: God
• Role: The Immortal Being that currently holds the office of the Omniscient and Omnipotent Supreme Being for this Universe.
• Main purpose: To help Emily unlock her gifts of writing and magic.
• Value: He increases the tension because God knows Donahue wants to take over the After-Life but pretends that Donahue has the upper hand. He’s benevolent most of the time, but the After-Life is under threat.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Profiles Part 2

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is writing characters before writing the script lets you see the big picture of how your main characters fit together. Doesn’t mean they take on a life of their own when you start writing, but it’s a great place to begin.

EMILY DAVIS – Protagonist
• A. The High Concept – When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
• B. This character’s journey – Through her journey in the library, Emily undergoes a profound transformation from a disillusioned and insecure writer to a confident storyteller who embraces her unique voice and the power of her imagination. She learns to confront her inner demons, find strength in vulnerability, and ultimately, inspire others with her storytelling.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
o Known for Role: Emily’s character arc from struggling writer to confident storyteller offers an actor the chance to showcase a deeply transformative journey, resonating with audiences on a personal and emotional level.
o Most Interesting Character: Emily's internal struggle with doubt and despair, juxtaposed with her eventual emergence as a beacon of inspiration and hope, makes her one of the most compelling characters in the story.
o Interesting Actions: Emily’s most interesting actions involve her exploration of the hidden library, where she not only discovers forgotten tales but also confronts her own inner demons and insecurities.
o Introduction: Emily is introduced through a montage of her mundane daily life, highlighting her frustration and disillusionment with her current circumstances, setting the stage for her transformative journey.
o Emotional Range: Emily’s emotional range spans from deep despair and hopelessness to exhilarating moments of self-discovery and empowerment.
o Subtext: Beneath Emily’s outward struggle with writer’s block lies a deeper existential crisis, a search for meaning and purpose in a world that often feels disconnected and chaotic.
o Interesting Relationships: Emily’s most interesting relationship is with the Guardian of God’s Library, Donahue, whose enigmatic nature challenges and guides her on her journey of self-discovery.
o Unique Voice: Emily’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of vulnerability and resilience, capturing the essence of a soul searching for its true calling.
o Special: Emily possesses a special gift for storytelling that transcends the ordinary, allowing her to tap into the hidden depths of the human experience and inspire others to do the same.

DONAHUE, GUARDIAN of GOD’s LIBRARY – ANTAGONIST
• A. The High Concept – When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
• This character’s journey – As Donahue’s obsession with the library’s power grows, he becomes consumed by his ambitions, willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to attain ultimate control.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
o Known for Role: Donahue’s portrayal offers an actor the opportunity to embody a mysterious and morally ambiguous character, shrouded in intrigue and complexity.
o Most Interesting Character: Donahue’s role as the Guardian of God’s Library, with his enigmatic demeanor and ambiguous motives, adds layers of depth and mystery to the story, keeping audiences guessing until the very end.
o Interesting Actions: Donahue’s most interesting actions involve his interactions with Emily, as he serves as both a mentor and a foil to her journey of self-discovery, challenging her perceptions and beliefs at every turn.
o Introduction: Donahue is introduced dramatically, appearing unexpectedly to Emily amid her darkest hour, offering her a glimpse into the hidden world of the library and the forgotten tales within.
o Emotional Range: Donahue’s emotional range spans from stoic detachment to moments of profound insight and empathy, revealing glimpses of his inner turmoil and conflict.
o Subtext: Beneath Donahue’s aloof exterior lies a deep-seated sense of duty and responsibility, as well as a tragic past that haunts him and informs his actions throughout the story.
o Interesting Relationships: Donahue’s most interesting relationship is with Emily, whose arrival at the library forces him to confront his demons and reevaluate his role as its guardian.
o Unique Voice: Donahue’s unique voice is characterized by a mix of wisdom and mystery, drawing listeners in with his cryptic words and enigmatic presence.
o Special: Donahue possesses a special connection to the library and its ancient secrets, granting him insights and powers beyond mortal comprehension, yet also burdening him with a heavy sense of responsibility and guilt.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

EMILY DAVIS
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist
2. Age range and Description: 30s, short-blonde hair, tall, gaunt, haunted
3. Core Traits: Smart, affectionate, creative, secretly scared of life, everything she owns she bought at a garage sale or yard sale
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
5. Wound: Was in the car when her parents had the accident that killed them.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
o Likability: Pleasant, loves animals and her brother, volunteers.
o Relatability: Struggles with life, wants to be a successful writer but wonders whether this is her purpose. Money issues. Lost her parents when she was young.
o Empathy: Struggles with alcoholism and tries to kill herself.
7. Character Subtext: A lost soul seeking purpose who hides her desperation behind a facade of determination, willing to risk everything for a chance at redemption.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden Agenda: Emily secretly seeks validation and recognition for her writing, even at the expense of those close to her.
o Secrets: Emily is a recovering alcoholic which she has hidden well from her family – and led her to her suicide attempt.
o Unspoken Wound: Emily lost her parents at a younger age and was raised by her older brother, but he was so busy building their father’s business that she was often overlooked.
9. Flaw: Undervalues themselves; can’t take risks.
10. Values: Love, honesty
11. Character Dilemma: Self-expression versus guilt

DONAHUE, GUARDIAN of GOD’s LIBRARY

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist
2. Age range and Description: Ancient because he’s a supernatural being, looks 40, dark hair, dark eyes, tall, thin, spectral with a menacing face at times
3. Core Traits: Charming, Manipulative, Controlling, A real suck-up to anyone with power, and not afraid to change their loyalty if they see an advantage.
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to be recognized for his loyalty. Needs to ensure his contract as the guardian is renewed.
5. Wound: Changed sides after the Fallen Angels lost the war in heaven and feels regret he abandoned his brothers and sisters.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
o Likability: Welcomes Emily and vows to help her be a successful writer.
o Relatability: Acts like a mentor showing her stories that can now be allowed in the world. Lost a “loved” one (but it’s Satan!).
o Empathy: Works hard for God but feels unappreciated.
7. Character Subtext: Donahue is a haunted guardian burdened by duty who conceals his vulnerability beneath a facade of stoicism, grappling with his past as he guides Emily through the perils of the hidden library.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Deception: Donahue manipulates events within the library to steer Emily towards a predetermined outcome, keeping her in the dark about his true intentions.
o Competition: Donahue feels threatened by Emily’s potential to uncover the truth about the library and its secrets, fearing it may diminish his significance.
o Conspiracy: Donahue is part of a clandestine society sworn to protect the library at any cost, even if it means sacrificing innocent lives.
9. Flaw: Over-confidence
10. Values: Winning
11. Character Dilemma: Duty versus forgiveness

ChatGPT Version:
Character Profiles:
1. Emily Davis
• Role in the Story: Protagonist
• Age Range and Description: Late 20s to early 30s; A talented but struggling writer, worn down by life’s hardships and her own self-doubt.
• Core Traits: Creative, empathetic, resilient, haunted.
• Motivation; Want/Need: Want = Recognition and success as a writer. Need = To find purpose and meaning in her writing, and to overcome her inner demons.
• Wound: Deeply scarred by past failures and a sense of inadequacy, stemming from her struggles with alcoholism and loneliness.
• Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Emily’s vulnerability and relatable struggles make her a sympathetic character, drawing audiences into her journey of self-discovery.
• Character Subtext: Emily hides her alcoholism and loneliness from those around her, presenting a facade of determination and optimism.
• Character Intrigue: Despite her outward optimism, Emily secretly plots a course of action to find inspiration and meaning, even if it means risking everything she holds dear.
• Flaw: Emily’s internal issue is her fear of confronting the truth about her capabilities and potential, leading her to sabotage her success.
• Values: Emily believes in the power of storytelling to inspire and connect people, and she cares deeply about finding her place in the world.
• Character Dilemma: Emily is torn between her desire for success and recognition as a writer and her fear of confronting her limitations and vulnerabilities.

2. Donahue
• Role in the Story: Antagonist
• Age Range and Description: Timeless and enigmatic; Donahue appears ageless, with an aura of mystery and power.
• Core Traits: Manipulative, stoic, haunted, ambitious.
• Motivation; Want/Need: Want = To maintain control over the library and its secrets. Need = Redemption for past betrayals and a sense of purpose beyond his duty as guardian.
• Wound: Donahue carries the weight of past betrayals and sacrifices, haunted by the consequences of his actions and the burden of his responsibilities.
• Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Donahue’s complex motivations and inner conflict make him a compelling and relatable character, despite his antagonistic role.
• Character Subtext: Donahue hides the true extent of his emotional turmoil and regrets, burying them beneath a mask of stoic detachment.
• Character Intrigue: Donahue secretly plots to safeguard the library and its treasures, even if it means making difficult choices that could impact Emily’s journey.
• Flaw: Donahue’s internal issue is his inability to let go of his past and forgive himself for his mistakes, leading him to pursue power and control at any cost.
• Values: Donahue values duty and responsibility as the guardian of the library, but his actions are also driven by a desire for redemption and a sense of purpose.
• Character Dilemma: Donahue is torn between his duty to protect the library and its secrets and his desire for redemption and forgiveness for past betrayals.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned from doing this assignment is to look for attributes and traits that fit my vision of the characters for this story.

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

EMILY DAVIS – Protagonist
• A. The High Concept – When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
• B. This character’s journey – Through her journey in the library, Emily undergoes a profound transformation from a disillusioned and insecure writer to a confident storyteller who embraces her unique voice and the power of her imagination. She learns to confront her inner demons, find strength in vulnerability, and ultimately, inspire others with her storytelling.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
o Known for Role: Emily's character arc from struggling writer to confident storyteller offers an actor the chance to showcase a deeply transformative journey, resonating with audiences on a personal and emotional level.
o Most Interesting Character: Emily's internal struggle with doubt and despair, juxtaposed with her eventual emergence as a beacon of inspiration and hope, makes her one of the most compelling characters in the story.
o Interesting Actions: Emily's most interesting actions involve her exploration of the hidden library, where she not only discovers forgotten tales but also confronts her own inner demons and insecurities.
o Introduction: Emily is introduced through a montage of her mundane daily life, highlighting her frustration and disillusionment with her current circumstances, setting the stage for her transformative journey.
o Emotional Range: Emily’s emotional range spans from deep despair and hopelessness to exhilarating moments of self-discovery and empowerment.
o Subtext: Beneath Emily’s outward struggle with writer's block lies a deeper existential crisis, a search for meaning and purpose in a world that often feels disconnected and chaotic.
o Interesting Relationships: Emily’s most interesting relationship is with the Guardian of God’s Library, Donahue, whose enigmatic nature challenges and guides her on her journey of self-discovery.
o Unique Voice: Emily’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of vulnerability and resilience, capturing the essence of a soul searching for its true calling.
o Special: Emily possesses a special gift for storytelling that transcends the ordinary, allowing her to tap into the hidden depths of the human experience and inspire others to do the same.

DONAHUE, GUARDIAN of GOD’s LIBRARY – ANTAGONIST
• A. The High Concept – When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales. sparking both inspiration and peril.
• This character’s journey – As Donahue’s obsession with the library’s power grows, he becomes consumed by his ambitions, willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to attain ultimate control.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
o Known for Role: Donahue’s portrayal offers an actor the opportunity to embody a mysterious and morally ambiguous character, shrouded in intrigue and complexity.
o Most Interesting Character: Donahue’s role as the Guardian of God’s Library, with his enigmatic demeanor and ambiguous motives, adds layers of depth and mystery to the story, keeping audiences guessing until the very end.
o Interesting Actions: Donahue’s most interesting actions involve his interactions with Emily, as he serves as both a mentor and a foil to her journey of self-discovery, challenging her perceptions and beliefs at every turn.
o Introduction: Donahue is introduced dramatically, appearing unexpectedly to Emily amid her darkest hour, offering her a glimpse into the hidden world of the library and the forgotten tales within.
o Emotional Range: Donahue’s emotional range spans from stoic detachment to moments of profound insight and empathy, revealing glimpses of his own inner turmoil and conflict.
o Subtext: Beneath Donahue’s aloof exterior lies a deep-seated sense of duty and responsibility, as well as a tragic past that haunts him and informs his actions throughout the story.
o Interesting Relationships: Donahue’s most interesting relationship is with Emily, whose arrival at the library forces him to confront his own demons and reevaluate his role as its guardian.
o Unique Voice: Donahue’s unique voice is characterized by a mix of wisdom and mystery, drawing listeners in with his cryptic words and enigmatic presence.
o Special: Donahue possesses a special connection to the library and its ancient secrets, granting him insights and powers beyond mortal comprehension, yet also burdening him with a heavy sense of responsibility and guilt.
3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
EMILY DAVIS
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist
2. Age range and Description: 30s, short-blonde hair, tall, gaunt, haunted
3. Core Traits: Smart, affectionate, creative, secretly scared of life, everything she owns she bought at a garage sale or yard sale
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
5. Wound: Was in the car when her parents had the accident that killed them.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
o Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: Pleasant, loves animals and her brother, volunteers.
o Relatability: Struggles with life, wants to be a successful writer but wonders whether this is her purpose. Money issues. Lost her parents when she was young.
o Empathy: Struggles with alcoholism and tries to kill herself.

DONAHUE, GUARDIAN of GOD’s LIBRARY

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist
2. Age range and Description: Ancient because he’s a supernatural being, looks 40, dark hair, dark eyes, tall, thin, spectral with a menacing face at times
3. Core Traits: Charming, Manipulative, Controlling, A real suck-up to anyone with power, and not afraid to change their loyalty if they see an advantage.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
5. Wound: Changed sides after the Fallen Angels lost the war in heaven and feels regret he abandoned his brothers and sisters.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
o Likability: Welcomes Emily and vows to help her be a successful writer.
o Relatability: Acts like a mentor showing her stories that can now be allowed in the world. Lost a “loved” one (but it’s Satan!).
o Empathy: Works hard for God but feels unappreciated.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to set up each character’s story layer by layer using experiences we all possibly go through in our lives.

Emily Davis
• Likability: Pleasant, loves animals and her brother, volunteers.
• Relatability: Struggles with life, wants to be a successful writer but wonders whether this is her purpose. Money issues. Lost her parents when she was young.
• Empathy: Struggles with alcoholism and tries to kill herself.

Donahue the Guardian
• Likability: Welcomes Emily and vows to help her be a successful writer. Charming.
• Relatability: Acts like a mentor showing her stories that can now be allowed in the world. Lost a “loved” one (but it’s Satan!).
• Empathy: Works hard for God but feels unappreciated.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Intrigue
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to allow your characters to have some major intrigue to make them more interesting.
2. For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.
• Character Name: EMILY DAVIS
• Role: Protagonist
• Hidden agendas: God wants Emily to bring humanity back to the Divine through her writing, but plays the Guardian and his friend’s game to put a stop to their evil ways.
• Competition:
• Conspiracies:
• Secrets: Emily is a recovering alcoholic which she has hidden well from her family – and led her to her suicide attempt.
• Deception:
• Unspoken Wound: Emily lost her parents at a younger age and was raised by her older brother, but he was so busy building their father’s business that she was often overlooked.
• Secret Identity:
• Sub-text Ideas:
o Hiding something (her alcoholism and loneliness) from those around her, presenting a façade of determination and optimism.
o Emily is afraid to admit to herself and others just how much she is struggling with her sense of purpose and worth until the NDE.
o Emily harbors a secret fear that she may never find fulfillment in her writing, despite her outward aspirations.
o Emily often lies to herself about her capabilities and potential, afraid to confront the truth of her limitations.
o Emily secretly plots a course of action to find inspiration and meaning, even if it means risking everything she holds dear.

• Character Name: GUARDIAN – DONAHUE
• Role: Antagonist
• Hidden agendas:
• Competition: His competition is an Archangel who has been keeping an eye on Donahue.
• Conspiracies: Donahue plans to take over the Universe and appoint himself the God.
• Secrets:
• Deception: At first Donahue assists Emily but as the relationship continues he manipulates her more and more.
• Unspoken Wound:
• Secret Identity:
• Sub-text Ideas:
• Donahue hides the true extent of his emotional turmoil and regrets, burying them beneath a mask of stoic detachment.
• Donahue keeps hidden the full extent of his connection to the library and the sacrifices he has made to protect its secrets.
• Donahue withholds key information from Emily, fearing the consequences of revealing too much about the dangers she faces.
• Donahue’s politeness and formality serve as a shield, masking the depth of his inner conflict and the weight of his responsibilities and his betrayals.
• Donahue secretly plots to safeguard the library and its treasures, even if it means making difficult choices that could impact Emily’s journey.
CHATGPT VERSION
These are fantastic foundations for your characters! Let’s brainstorm some intriguing layers for each character based on the criteria you provided:
Emily Davis:
1. Hidden Agenda: Emily secretly seeks validation and recognition for her writing, even at the expense of those close to her.
2. Competition: Emily feels a constant pressure to prove herself as a writer, especially in comparison to her more successful peers.
3. Conspiracy: Emily discovers that her near-death experience was orchestrated by a mysterious group who wants to manipulate her for their own agenda.
4. Secret: Emily harbors a hidden power linked to the forgotten tales in the library, but she’s afraid to fully embrace it due to the potential consequences.
5. Deception: Emily feigns confidence in her abilities to cover up her deep-seated insecurities about her talent and worth as a writer.
6. Unspoken Wound: Emily’s struggle with alcoholism stems from a traumatic event in her past that she’s never fully confronted, leading to her ongoing battle with loneliness and self-doubt.
7. Secret Identity: Emily adopts the persona of a fearless adventurer within the stories she writes, embodying qualities she wishes she possessed in real life.
Donahue:
1. Hidden Agenda: Donahue is secretly working to prevent the resurgence of an ancient evil contained within the forgotten tales, even if it means manipulating Emily’s journey.
2. Competition: Donahue feels threatened by Emily’s potential to uncover the truth about the library and its secrets, fearing it may diminish his own significance.
3. Conspiracy: Donahue is part of a clandestine society sworn to protect the library at any cost, even if it means sacrificing innocent lives.
4. Secret: Donahue possesses a hidden vulnerability linked to his tragic past, which he conceals behind a facade of stoicism and duty.
5. Deception: Donahue manipulates events within the library to steer Emily towards a predetermined outcome, keeping her in the dark about his true intentions.
6. Unspoken Wound: Donahue carries the guilt of a past betrayal that destroyed an entire civilization, haunting him with regrets and self-loathing.
7. Secret Identity: Donahue conceals his true nature as a guardian bound to the library, masking his immortal existence and the sacrifices he’s made to protect its secrets.
These layers should add depth and complexity to your characters, enhancing the drama and fantasy elements of your story.

[Monica Arisman]

Why does my formatting keep doing this?!!!

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Subtext Characters
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to build character sub-text before you write the script.
2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
• Movie Title: I’LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN
• Character Name: Erol
• Subtext Identity: A genius theoretical physics student who is traumatized by his father’s disappearance.
• Subtext Trait: Manipulative, Secretive, Concealing, In denial
• Subtext Logline: Erol is traumatized by his father’s disappearance and secretly conceals his interest in his father’s work while denying the extent of his mother’s mental breakdown.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
o Act 1: Denial his father is really gone and that his mother is slowly breaking down.
o Act 2: After his mother commits suicide, he throws himself into his father’s work but becomes secretive about it to his girlfriend.
o Act 3: After his girlfriend loses their bay, he conceals he’s still working on the time travel problem and that he’s going to test it by going back to 1946 and retrieving his father.
o Act 4: He understands his father is going to need an incentive to return to the original timeline, so he manipulates him by killing himself in front of him.
3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:
• Character Name: Emily Davis
• Subtext Identity: A traumatized writer due to her inability to succeed.
• Subtext Trait: Secretive, evasive,
• Subtext Logline: Emily is secretive and evasive about being a failed writer.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
o Act 1: Committing suicide because she won’t ask for help.
o Act 2: After her NDE, she’s evasive because she doesn’t want anyone to know about what happened in the NDE. Secretive, because she’s going to manipulate the Guardian.
o Act 3: Emily welcomes Azazel’s advances until she’s ready to bring him down too.
o Act 4: Emily and God make arrangements for the final battle to rid “heaven” of Donahue and Azazel.

• Character Name: Donahue, the Guardian of God’s Library
• Subtext Identity: Covertly working to overthrow God.
• Subtext Trait: Manipulative, corrupt, tricky
• Subtext Logline: Donahue wants the head job in the Universe and will stop at nothing to finally get it.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
o Act 1: Meets Emily during her NDE and sympathizes with her by manipulating her into believing he can help her be successful.
o Act 2: Donahue shows Emily the lost stories he wants her to write about.
o Act 3: Donahue and Azazel pressure Emily to write the stories they want and attain riches beyond her wildest dreams.
o Act 4: Blinded by his own arrogance, Donahue doesn’t see Emily’s plan until it’s too late.
CHAT GPT Version
Character Subtext for Emily Davis: Subtext Identity: A lost soul seeking purpose Subtext Trait: Desperation disguised as determination Subtext Logline: Emily is a lost soul seeking purpose who hides her desperation behind a facade of determination, willing to risk everything for a chance at redemption. Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Emily hides the depth of her despair from those around her, presenting a facade of determination and optimism.
• Afraid to say: Emily is afraid to admit to herself and others just how much she is struggling with her sense of purpose and worth.
• Secret: Emily harbors a secret fear that she may never find fulfillment in her writing, despite her outward aspirations.
• Lying: Emily often lies to herself about her own capabilities and potential, afraid to confront the truth of her limitations.
• Plotting: Emily secretly plots a course of action to find inspiration and meaning, even if it means risking everything she holds dear.
Character Subtext for Donahue, the Guardian: Subtext Identity: A haunted guardian burdened by duty Subtext Trait: Concealed vulnerability beneath stoicism Subtext Logline: Donahue is a haunted guardian burdened by duty who conceals his vulnerability beneath a facade of stoicism, grappling with his own past as he guides Emily through the perils of the hidden library. Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Donahue hides the true extent of his emotional turmoil and regrets, burying them beneath a mask of stoic detachment.
• Secret: Donahue keeps hidden the full extent of his connection to the library and the sacrifices he has made to protect its secrets.
• Withholding: Donahue withholds key information from Emily, fearing the consequences of revealing too much about the dangers she faces.
• Being polite: Donahue’s politeness and formality serve as a shield, masking the depth of his inner conflict and the weight of his responsibilities.
• Plotting: Donahue secretly plots to safeguard the library and its treasures, even if it means making difficult choices that could impact Emily’s journey.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Actor Attractors!
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to get into the characters at the beginning by keeping in mind your concept and title. Using ChatGPT can enhance the actor attractors and help with brainstorming.
Lead Character Name: EMILY DAVIS
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
• This role is about a struggling writer who decides to end it all but has an NDE and commits to doing God’s work but still struggles with her reason for being here.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
• The transformational journey from an exhausted, desperate writer who questions whether it is really worth it to being a bad-ass writer for God.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
• Drinks a bottle of vodka and takes a bottle of pills which precipitates the NDE.
• Outsmarting the Guardian of God’s library.
• Rids the library of not only the Guardian but his lesser demon friend.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
• Comes home from her dead-end job intent on killing herself. But instead has an NDE and meets God.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
• From desperate, victim mentality to confident, successful writer.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
• When we first meet Emily we know she’s going to try and commit suicide.
• At first, she goes along with the Guardian and the Demon’s plan but she’s already plotting to be the reason for their demise and free the library of their influence.
7. What are the most interesting relationships this character can have?
• Her relationship with God, which she has never cultivated, allows her to overcome her situation.
• The relationships with the Guardian and the Demon by pretending to be on their side and then finding a way to banish them.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
• Through playing both sides until it’s time to take out the Guardian and Demon.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
• Starts to delve into spirituality and finds a way to empower herself to succeed in her writing.
Lead Character Name: GUARDIAN
Role: Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
• This role is about the Guardian of God’s Library. Only he’s not all that holy and has been implementing his agenda for millennia.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
• The transformational journey from doing whatever he’s wanted for so long to being challenged by a desperate woman writer who takes God’s side and plays the Guardian’s game to defeat him.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
• Meets Emily during her NDE. Feels he can use her as a tool to further his objectives.
• Plots with the Demon about how to fool Emily and keep God in the dark.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
• Comes home from her dead-end job intent on killing herself. But instead has an NDE and meets God.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
• Schemer, charming to fearful as he’s being deleted.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
• From the beginning we know he’s playing Emily to do his bidding but that is disguised by his helping her with her writing.
7. What are the most interesting relationships this character can have?
• His relationship with God as he’s somehow gotten to be God’s guardian of the library.
• The relationship with the Demon by getting him into “heaven”.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
• Through the contrast between how he treats Emily at the beginning and how he treats the Demon.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
• His ultimate goal is to replace God. He creates chaos whenever he can and can turn from the charmer to the brutalizer in the blink of an eye.
CHATGPT Version:
Actor Attractors for each character:
1. Emily Davis
• Known for Role: Emily’s character arc from struggling writer to confident storyteller offers an actor the chance to showcase a deeply transformative journey, resonating with audiences on a personal and emotional level.
• Most Interesting Character: Emily’s internal struggle with doubt and despair, juxtaposed with her eventual emergence as a beacon of inspiration and hope, makes her one of the most compelling characters in the story.
• Interesting Actions: Emily’s most interesting actions involve her exploration of the hidden library, where she not only discovers forgotten tales but also confronts her own inner demons and insecurities.
• Introduction: Emily is introduced through a montage of her mundane daily life, highlighting her frustration and disillusionment with her current circumstances, setting the stage for her transformative journey.
• Emotional Range: Emily’s emotional range spans from deep despair and hopelessness to exhilarating moments of self-discovery and empowerment.
• Subtext: Beneath Emily’s outward struggle with writer’s block lies a deeper existential crisis, a search for meaning and purpose in a world that often feels disconnected and chaotic.
• Interesting Relationships: Emily’s most interesting relationship is with the Guardian of God’s Library, Donahue, whose enigmatic nature challenges and guides her on her journey of self-discovery.
• Unique Voice: Emily’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of vulnerability and resilience, capturing the essence of a soul searching for its true calling.
• Special: Emily possesses a special gift for storytelling that transcends the ordinary, allowing her to tap into the hidden depths of the human experience and inspire others to do the same.
2. The Guardian of God’s Library, Donahue
• Known for Role: Donahue’s portrayal offers an actor the opportunity to embody a mysterious and morally ambiguous character, shrouded in intrigue and complexity.
• Most Interesting Character: Donahue’s role as the Guardian of God’s Library, with his enigmatic demeanor and ambiguous motives, adds layers of depth and mystery to the story, keeping audiences guessing until the very end.
• Interesting Actions: Donahue’s most interesting actions involve his interactions with Emily, as he serves as both a mentor and a foil to her journey of self-discovery, challenging her perceptions and beliefs at every turn.
• Introduction: Donahue is introduced in a dramatic fashion, appearing unexpectedly to Emily in the midst of her darkest hour, offering her a glimpse into the hidden world of the library and the forgotten tales within.
• Emotional Range: Donahue’s emotional range spans from stoic detachment to moments of profound insight and empathy, revealing glimpses of his own inner turmoil and conflict.
• Subtext: Beneath Donahue’s aloof exterior lies a deep-seated sense of duty and responsibility, as well as a tragic past that haunts him and informs his actions throughout the story.
• Interesting Relationships: Donahue’s most interesting relationship is with Emily, whose arrival at the library forces him to confront his own demons and reevaluate his role as its guardian.
• Unique Voice: Donahue’s unique voice is characterized by a mix of wisdom and mystery, drawing listeners in with his cryptic words and enigmatic presence.
• Special: Donahue possesses a special connection to the library and its ancient secrets, granting him insights and powers beyond mortal comprehension, yet also burdening him with a heavy sense of responsibility and guilt.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Actor Attractors for I’ll Follow You Down
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned doing this assignment is I picked a movie that was just a surface movie. It didn’t have all the elements that make a great movie. It was ok, but not great. But it had the kid from Sixth Sense all grown-up.
Today is about watching a movie to discover what might cause actors to sign on.
Movie Title: I’ll Follow You Down
Lead Character Name: Erol, Protagonist

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Gets to solve the mystery of time travel and then gets to travel back in time.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He is a theoretical physicist student, like his father and grandfather. And, when his father vanishes, he eventually solves the problem of time travel.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
He takes care of his mother (Gillian Anderson) who is slowly falling apart because she doesn’t know what happened to her husband. He is hell-bent on going back to the past and retrieving his father until his girlfriend tells him, she’s pregnant. When she loses the baby, he returns to the problem of time travel. He travels back in time to find his father. Kills himself in front of his father to make his father return to his timeline.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
The adult Erol is shown taking care of his mother and not wanting anything to do with his grandfather’s plan of time travel to retrieve his father. Until his mother commits suicide and decides he’s in the wrong timeline because of his father using time travel to go back and speak with Einstein.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Caring and calm as he takes care of his mother. Perceptive that once his mother commits suicide, he’s going to have to try and figure out the time travel problem. To, sacrifice himself to get his father to come back and continue in the right timeline.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
It’s more his actions than what he says. He builds a car when he’s young that represents him, his girlfriend, and their baby. He keeps that car and presents it to her when they’re in college. Leaving the chessboard exactly how it was the day his father disappeared. He draws a workflow of everything that has happened since his father disappeared – to convince his father to return to their timeline.

7. What are the most interesting relationships this character has?
Great relationship with his mother (triangle character). Having to be the adult when he meets his father in the past and kills himself to force his father back to the right timeline.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Through his caring attitude.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
A genius who doesn’t have to study or do the assignments and still can ace exams. He’s the only one his grandfather (a college professor) knows that can fix the time travel problem.

Movie Title: I’ll Follow You Down
Lead Character Name: Sol, Antagonist

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
A theoretical physics college professor who works on time travel.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
Once his son disappears, he tries to convince his daughter-in-law to let him work on the time travel problem.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Trying to convince his grandson to work on the time travel problem. Starting to date his secretary (they’re both older).

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He gets a phone call from his daughter-in-law asking whether he’s seen her husband. And tells him he didn’t return from his conference. This spurs Sol into retracing his son’s steps. He discovers that his son time-traveled to 1946 to speak to Einstein.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Calm. Focused on his work and the time travel problem that he doesn’t know that his secretary is flirting with him until Erol points it out.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
He eventually gets what he wants from his grandson – it’s subtle but the turning points force the grandson to buy into Grandpa’s vision.

7. What are the most interesting relationships this character has?
Has an excellent relationship with his daughter-in-law. A distant relationship with his grandson who says before he time travels to make more time for him when the timeline is reset.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
He doesn’t push anyone. He lets them discover for themselves that his plan is the right plan.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
Cares about his daughter-in-law and grandson because he’s a lonely college professor and they’re his only family.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Genre Conventions

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned doing this assignment is to take the time to think about how the conventions could show up in the outline.

As you saw in the example above, build the genre conventions into your 4-Act structure.

2. Tell us the following:

• Title: AN AUTHOR’S REVELATION
• Concept: When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
• Main Conflict: Haunted by the specter of her mortality, Emily faces an impossible choice: embrace the power of the hidden library and risk losing herself in its depths; or, turn her back on the stories that could reshape the world as she knows it.

3. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:

Drama:

• PURPOSE: To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters.
• CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression.
• HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes come from within the characters more than from external pressures.
• EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the character’s emotions and how they experience the events.
• CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into.
• REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.

4. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure.

5. List your structure from Lesson 5 along with the improvements that come from the Genre Conventions, like I did above.

Act 1:
• Opening:
It’s Christmas. Emily Davis is introduced as a struggling writer as she battles writer’s block and financial struggles while attempting to write her novel, which she hopes will be her big break. She’s trapped working odd jobs to make ends meet but they’re draining her spirit. Emily decides to end it all as the struggle has become overwhelming. On Christmas Eve she sets down a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers.

• Inciting Incident:
But instead of dying, she has a near-death experience. In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing. (NTO: God whispers something in her ear, just before she returns – this is the surprise!) But there’s a catch…God can’t seem to get rid of the Guardian, Donahue.

• Turning Point:
Emily wakes up in the hospital, her distraught brother by her side. He takes her home where she starts experiencing strange phenomena and meets the Guardian Donahue. Now she really believes she’s going crazy.

Act 2:
• New plan:
Emily reluctantly agrees to write a piece outlined by Donahue, despite doubts and interference from Azazel. Donahue explains that this “God” is an office that is held. A superior supreme being for sure, but one that is responsible for humanity. When this God gets tired, humanity suffers its “extinction”. And, it’s closer than you think. Ever wonder why so many past civilizations rose and fell – that’s because the God in charge got tired. Emily is this God’s last hope. But what Emily doesn’t know is Donahue and Azazel want to install themselves in this God’s place after they get rid of him!

• Plan in action:
Emily explores the library and meets forgotten characters, feeling a sense of belonging. Emily learns these are the Akashic records and if the Akashic records are lost, all the souls are lost. Poof! Returns to the stardust from whence they came. That’s why this God cannot get rid of Donahue.
She delves deeper into her writing but faces doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel.

• Midpoint Turning Point:
Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue’s instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel.

Act 3:

Re-think Everything:
Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library’s secrets. She confronts Azazel and rejects his temptations (NTO: Azazel makes sexual overtures to Emily.), and realizes Donahue and Azazel are both in it together.

New Plan:
Emily must make a life-altering choice to determine the outcome of the cosmic battle. She confronts both Donahue and Azazel and introduces the magic of the library which is the stories that have been suppressed come to life to protect Emily and help her outwit them.

Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift:
Azazel subverts Emily’s written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity. Emily is devastated but instead of letting it crush her, she resolves to beat them at their own game.

Act 4:

New Plan:
Emily confronts both Donahue and Azazel in a climactic showdown, using her storytelling abilities to protect the hidden realm and humanity.

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict:
Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She witnesses the consequences of Donahue and Azazel’s manipulation and continues her journey toward enlightenment, ready to face future challenges.

Resolution:
God revisits Emily and thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favor of the Divine. Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s 4-Act Transformational Structure
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned doing this assignment is to plan the high-level parts of the story before you write one word – and with AI it has made this easier because it gives you so many alternatives to think about.
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.
Give us the following:
• Title: AN AUTHOR’S REVELATION
• Concept: When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
• Main Conflict: Haunted by the specter of her mortality, Emily faces an impossible choice: embrace the power of the hidden library and risk losing herself in its depths; or, turn her back on the stories that could reshape the world as she knows it.
• Theme: The Dark vs The Light.
• Internal Journey: Emily grapples with doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of the celestial beings guiding her. Ultimately, she confronts her fears and insecurities, finding confidence in her role as a storyteller and champion of light.
• External Journey: Emily’s external journey is marked by her exploration of the hidden library, its magical secret, and the supernatural realm it connects to. She faces challenges and dangers as she delves deeper into her writing and confronts the cosmic forces vying for control.
• Old Ways:
 Self-doubt, insecurity, lack of direction, lack of faith
 Feels disconnected from her creativity
 Struggles to find meaning in her work and life.
• New Ways:
 No longer doubts her abilities as a writer
 Fights for a cause she believes in – bringing spirituality back to humanity.
 Ready to find love.
 Ready to do what’s necessary for the greater good.
 Renewal of her faith in the Divine.
3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
• Opening:
It’s Christmas. Emily Davis is introduced as a struggling writer as she battles writer’s block and financial struggles while attempting to write her novel, which she hopes will be her big break. She’s trapped working odd jobs to make ends meet but they’re draining her spirit. Emily decides to end it all as the struggle is overwhelming. On Christmas Eve she sets down a bottle of vodka and a bottle of painkillers.
• Inciting Incident:
But instead of dying, she has a near-death experience. In the After-Life she meets God who shows her a mysterious library filled with ancient typewriters and books. This is God’s library and Emily has been chosen to re-ignite spirituality on Earth through her writing. (NTO: God whispers something in her ear, just before she returns – this is the surprise!) But there’s a catch…God can’t seem to get rid of the Guardian, Donahue.
• Turning Point:
Emily wakes up in the hospital, her distraught brother by her side. He takes her home where she starts experiencing strange phenomena and meets the Guardian Donahue.
Act 2:
• New plan:
Emily reluctantly agrees to write the piece outlined by Donahue, despite doubts and interference from Azazel.
• Plan in action:
Emily explores the library and meets forgotten characters, feeling a sense of belonging. She delves deeper into her writing but faces doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of Donahue and Azazel.
• Midpoint Turning Point:
Emily struggles with the task and grapples with doubts, torn between fulfilling Donahue’s instructions and the temptations offered by Azazel.

Act 3:

Re-think Everything:
Emily faces increasing pressure from Donahue and realizes the dangerous price of unlocking the library’s secrets. She confronts Azazel and rejects his temptations (NTO: Azazel makes sexual overtures to Emily.), and realizes Donahue and Azazel are both in it together.

New Plan:
Emily must make a life-altering choice to determine the outcome of the cosmic battle. She confronts both Donahue and Azazel in a climactic showdown, using her storytelling abilities (NTO: And the magic of the library – surprise! Which they didn’t even know about.) to outwit them.

Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift:
Azazel subverts Emily’s written piece, twisting its message to serve his own agenda and sow chaos among humanity.

Act 4:

New Plan:
Emily confronts both Donahue and Azazel in a climactic showdown, using her storytelling abilities to protect the hidden realm and humanity.

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict:
Emily emerges victorious but changed, having embraced her role as a storyteller and found purpose in her writing. She witnesses the consequences of Donahue and Azazel’s manipulation and continues her journey toward enlightenment, ready to face future challenges.

Resolution:
God revisits Emily. Thanks her for her service. Gives her a hug and a kiss to continue writing, tipping the scales in favor of the Divine. Emily continues her journey with newfound determination and understanding.

NTO: Donahue explains that this “God” is an office that is held. A superior supreme being for sure, but one that is responsible for humanity. When this God gets tired, humanity suffers its “extinction”. And, it’s closer than you think. Ever wonder why so many past civilizations rose and fell – that’s because the God in charge got tired. Emily is this God’s last hope.
See Donahue is the only constant – guardian and keeper of the library and the Akashic records. If the Akashaic records are lost, all the souls are lost. Poof! Returns to the stardust from whence they came. That’s why this God can not get rid of Donahue.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Subtext Plot
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to decide the sub-text plots before the first draft, I’ve always tried to insert them into subsequent drafts resulting in my confusion.
Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots.
CONCEPT: When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.
1. Layering: Beneath the surface, there’s a different layer of meaning that has been hidden and when revealed, shows us what is really going on.
2. Someone hides who they are: When the plot is about a person who is hiding, it might go through a sequence similar to this: hiding, clues, investigation, discovery, repercussions.
3. Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.
1. Layering:
• Emily has a near-death experience but it was initiated by some “angels” in the hidden realm.
• These “angels” fear the guardian of the library has gone over to the dark side and they require a third party to find out if this is true.
2. Someone Hides Who They Are:
• The guardian portrays himself as someone who is there to help Emily and at first, shows her where to find the material to bring spirituality back to humanity.
• But the guardian has other plans and slowly inserts his brand of spirituality into her writing.
• Emily is smarter than the guardian and after he fools her once she starts to pay more attention to what her articles are saying.
ChatGPT Results:
Sure, here are seven potential subtext plots for your drama/fantasy screenplay:
1. Scheme and Investigation:
• Emily, driven by desperation, schemes to uncover the secrets of the hidden library while Donahue, the Guardian, investigates the dangers of accessing its power. As Emily delves deeper, she becomes entangled in a web of lies and cover-ups surrounding the library’s origins, putting herself and those she cares about at risk.
2. Layering:
• Beneath the surface of the forgotten tales lies a hidden layer of meaning, revealing the true nature of the world and its inhabitants. As Emily explores the depths of the library, she uncovers allegories and metaphors that mirror her own journey of self-discovery, leading her to confront the darker aspects of human nature lurking within the shadows.
3. Someone Hides Who They Are:
• Donahue, concealing his true identity and motives as the Guardian, guides Emily through the mysteries of the library while secretly harboring his own agenda. As Emily uncovers clues to his hidden past, she must grapple with the revelation that the one person she trusted may not be who he claims to be, leading to a confrontation with far-reaching consequences.
4. The Fish Out of Water:
• Emily, thrust into the world of forgotten tales, must navigate unfamiliar landscapes and confront mythical creatures she never imagined existed. As she struggles to find her footing in this fantastical realm, Emily must rely on her wits and creativity to survive, discovering hidden reserves of courage and resilience within herself.
5. Superior Position:
• As Emily uncovers the secrets of the hidden library, the audience is privy to knowledge that eludes her, including the true nature of Donahue’s intentions and the imminent danger posed by Azazel, the Tempter. This dual perspective heightens the tension as Emily races against time to unlock the library’s power before it falls into the wrong hands.
6. A Major Cover-Up:
• The discovery of the hidden library sets off a chain reaction of deception and manipulation as powerful forces seek to suppress its existence and control its contents. Emily finds herself caught in the crossfire of a conspiracy that spans centuries, forcing her to confront the dark underbelly of the literary world and fight for the truth at all costs.
7. Competitive Agendas:
• Emily’s quest to harness the power of the hidden library pits her against Azazel, who seeks to corrupt and manipulate her for his own nefarious purposes. As their rivalry escalates, Emily must outmaneuver her adversary while grappling with the moral dilemmas posed by the library’s potential for both creation and destruction.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Transformational Journey
VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.
What I learned from doing this assignment was to take an in-depth look at the character arc and look for the hero’s deepest wounds and fears and how these would change as the movie went on.
Only do this assignment for your Protagonist. This is about creating the Transformational Journey for the Hero/Heroin only. We’ll work with other characters later, but for now, this journey is the journey of the entire movie.
Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist – Emily Davis:
• Arc Beginning: From struggling, frustrated writer
• Arc Ending: To successful spiritual warrior writer
Give us their Internal/External Journey.
• Internal Journey: From frustrated, exhausted, and afraid
• External Journey: To invigorated, strong, and fearless
Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.
• Old Ways: Working a dead-end job, writing til all hours, exhausting herself and making herself sick, feels abandoned by God and her family
• New Ways: Invigorated, successful, and fighting for the Divine cause
ChatGPT Version
• 1. Protagonist’s Character Arc:
• Arc Begins: Emily Davis starts the story as a struggling writer, battling crippling writer’s block and financial woes. She’s trapped in a cycle of odd jobs that drain her spirit, feeling disconnected from her creativity and purpose.
• Arc Ends: By the story’s conclusion, Emily has undergone a profound transformation. She emerges as a confident and purpose-driven individual who has embraced her role as a storyteller with the power to influence humanity’s spiritual awakening. Through her journey, she confronts her doubts and fears, finding strength in her creativity and imagination.
• Improvement: To enhance Emily’s character arc, ensure that her initial struggles are deeply rooted and relatable, making her eventual transformation all the more impactful. Emphasize her internal conflicts and doubts, highlighting the emotional journey she undergoes as she discovers her true purpose.
• 2. Internal/External Journey:
• Internal Journey: Throughout the story, Emily undergoes a significant internal transformation. She grapples with doubts about her abilities and the true intentions of the celestial beings guiding her. Ultimately, she confronts her fears and insecurities, finding confidence in her role as a storyteller and champion of light.
• External Journey: Emily’s external journey is marked by her exploration of the hidden library and the supernatural realm it connects to. She faces challenges and dangers as she delves deeper into her writing and confronts the cosmic forces vying for control. Her external journey mirrors her internal growth, with each obstacle she overcomes bringing her closer to her ultimate destiny.
• Improvement: Strengthen Emily’s internal journey by depicting her emotional struggles with greater depth and nuance. Show how her external experiences shape her internal growth, leading to moments of self-discovery and personal revelation.
• 3. Old Ways vs. New Ways:
• Old Ways: At the beginning of the story, Emily’s old ways are characterized by self-doubt, insecurity, and a lack of direction. She feels disconnected from her creativity and struggles to find meaning in her work.
• New Ways: By the story’s end, Emily has shed her old ways and embraced a new sense of purpose and confidence. She no longer doubts her abilities as a writer and recognizes the significance of her role in shaping humanity’s spiritual destiny.
• Improvement: Ensure that Emily’s transition from her old ways to her new ways is clearly depicted throughout the story, with each obstacle she faces serving as a catalyst for her personal growth. Show how her interactions with other characters and her experiences in the hidden realm contribute to her transformation.
• By refining Emily’s character arc, internal/external journey, and old ways/new ways, you can create a compelling and emotionally resonant narrative that captivates audiences and leaves them inspired by her transformative journey.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Intentional Lead Characters

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to get into the characters at the beginning by keeping in mind your concept and title.

Tell us what makes each of these characters unique. These two steps will look like this:

Characters

Character: Emily Davis, Protagonist

Logline: A vulnerable writer survives a near-death experience and discovers an amazing hidden library with stories she can write for a lifetime but its enigmatic Guardian thwarts her at every turn.

Unique: Survives a near-death experience that changes her.

Character: Donahue Michaels, Antagonist

Logline: He is the greatest librarian in all the Universe and has been tasked by God to oversee God’s hidden library until a transient wants to reveal all the juiciest stories to humanity.

Unique: The Guardian, his name means Dark Warrior, and he is there to make sure the juiciest of stories do not escape the library by any means possible. He plays both sides of the spiritual coin much to God’s chagrin.

· Character: Azazel, the Tempter, Connecting Character

· Logline: Azazel has somehow got into heaven and is assisting Donahue until the transient shows up and poses a potential threat.

· Unique: A lessor demon, in the hierarchy of demons, has been living in heaven causing all sorts of mischief.

4. Use this prompt with AI to generate more versions of your characters:

ChatGPT Version

Character: Emily Davis

Role: Protagonist

Journey: Emily starts as a struggling writer, grappling with writer’s block and personal demons. After surviving a near-death experience, she discovers the hidden library, which becomes both her sanctuary and her greatest challenge. Her journey involves rediscovering her passion for storytelling, confronting her fears, and embracing her newfound power to bring forgotten tales to life. Throughout the story, Emily evolves from a timid and self-doubting artist into a confident and empowered creator, ultimately realizing that her creativity has the potential to shape reality itself.

Unique: Emily possesses a deep empathy and sensitivity to the emotions and struggles of others, which allows her to connect with the characters in the forgotten tales on a profound level. This empathy fuels her creative process and gives her a unique ability to breathe life into the stories she discovers, blurring the lines between fiction and reality.

Intentional: Emily’s background as a struggling writer facing personal and creative obstacles makes her the perfect vessel for exploring themes of self-discovery, resilience, and the transformative power of storytelling. Her journey drives the narrative forward, serving as a mirror for the audience’s struggles and aspirations.

Character: Donahue Michaels

Role: Antagonist, the Guardian

Journey: Donahue Michaels is the enigmatic guardian of the hidden library, tasked with protecting its secrets at all costs. Initially appearing as a mentor figure to Emily, Donahue gradually reveals himself to be a formidable adversary, determined to maintain the status quo and prevent Emily from accessing the full potential of the library’s magic. His journey is one of conflict and redemption, as he grapples with his duty to uphold the library’s ancient laws while also confronting his own past mistakes and regrets.

Unique: Donahue possesses a mysterious aura and a deep understanding of the arcane forces that govern the hidden library. His unwavering dedication to his duty masks a hidden vulnerability and a desire for redemption, as he struggles to reconcile his role as guardian with his demons. Donahue’s complex backstory and ambiguous motivations make him a compelling and multifaceted antagonist, capable of both acts of cruelty and moments of unexpected compassion.

Intentional: Donahue’s role as the guardian of the hidden library adds an element of mystery and danger to the story, driving the tension and conflict between him and Emily. His intricate connection to the library’s magic and his conflicted morality serve to challenge Emily’s own beliefs and motivations, pushing her to confront the darker aspects of her newfound power.

Character: Azazel

Role: The Tempter, Connecting Character

Journey: Azazel is a charismatic and manipulative figure who catalyzes Emily’s transformation. Appearing as a charming stranger with a hidden agenda, Azazel offers Emily tantalizing glimpses of the library’s true potential, tempting her with promises of unlimited creativity and power. His journey is one of temptation and deception, as he seeks to exploit Emily’s vulnerabilities for his gain while also wrestling with his conflicted loyalties and desires.

Unique: Azazel possesses a seductive charm and an otherworldly allure that draws Emily into his orbit, blurring the lines between reality and illusion. His enigmatic nature and ambiguous motives make him a captivating and unpredictable presence, capable of both acts of kindness and acts of betrayal. Azazel’s role as the tempter adds a layer of moral ambiguity to the story, forcing Emily to question her desires and motivations.

Intentional: Azazel’s role as the tempter adds an element of temptation and danger to the story, tempting Emily with promises of power and glory while also challenging her moral compass. His manipulative tactics and hidden agenda serve to test Emily’s resolve and determination, pushing her to confront her inner demons and make difficult choices that will ultimately shape her destiny.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Laree Griffith. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to use a more formal process to outline and to use AI which helped me refine my title and concept.

TITLE: AN AUTHOR’S DIVINE REVELATION

CONCEPT: When a writer on the brink of despair survives a near-death experience, she discovers a hidden library filled with forgotten tales, sparking both inspiration and peril.”

Dramatic Triangle

[Monica Arisman]

What I learned from the opening meeting is to remember to use empowerment not only for my writing but in my regular day-to-day life to have a calmer and insightful existence!

[Monica Arisman]

1. Hi everyone, I’m Monica Arisman. I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 7 features and 1 TV

3. What do you hope to get out of the class? I hope to learn to use AI to enhance my writing and creativity.

[Monica Arisman]

Monica Arisman, I agree to this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned doing this assignment is there are multiple ways to market a script in today’s environment.

1. Read through the 10 Marketing Campaigns and select ONE that you’ll take action on immediately.

#6 – Marketing to Producers

2. Taking that campaign, make a plan of action, listing the actions you’ll take.

a. Update my producer list for action/adventure producers.

b. Make sure my script is in professional shape.

c. Send out my QL Draft #2.

d. Use Virtual Pitch Fest and/or Stage 32 producers.

3. Tell us the first action you are going to take…and take it.

I’ve sent out two Virtual Pitch fest queries – received one script request.

[Monica Arisman]

Query Letter Draft 2

Thank you to Debbie Johnson for her insightful help…here’s #2 with the help of ChatGPT!

GENRE: Action/Adventure

TITLE: TRAFFICK/STOP

Dear Producer:

In a world where darkness thrives, where evil knows no bounds, the time has come for a new kind of hero.

First, there was Taken. Then there was The Equalizer. Now, witness the rise of a woman ready to unleash her fury and take on the horrors of human trafficking.

Victoria, a lone wolf cop with a bad-ass attitude, must work within an undercover team to bring down a human trafficking ring. The main trafficker, Jack is a cocaine addicted, sexual deviant, who just happens to be the last man seen with her narcissistic, selfish, sister Lizzie.

Until Victoria showed up, Jack and his human traffickers were able to fly under police radar because of their inside man. But the mole’s gone dark. Jack’s new venture is raided by police. And, undercover Victoria is arrested.

As tension escalates between Jack and Victoria, Jack blames her for things going from bad to worse and plots his revenge.

Can Victoria survive Jack’s plan for her? Or, will Lizzie’s betrayal that she was a willing human trafficker destroy Victoria instead?

If you like the concept of TRAFFICK/STOP, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Regards,

Monica Arisman.

Mobile/Text: 403-850-4279

Email: marisman@shaw.ca

Bio: Monica has placed well in multiple screenwriting contests.

[Monica Arisman]

If anyone is up for an exchange, my email is marisman@shaw.ca. Thanks.

Subject: Monica Query Letter Draft ONE

What I learned doing this assignment is to consider other writer’s advice to make your query letter the best it can be.

Post your query letter and exchange critiques.

GENRE: Action/Adventure

TITLE: TRAFFICK/STOP

Dear Producer:

The Next Taken!

Victoria, a lone wolf cop with a bad-ass attitude, must work within an undercover team to bring down a human trafficking ring. The main trafficker, Jack is a cocaine addicted, sexual deviant, who just happens to be the last man seen with her sister Lizzie.

Until Victoria showed up, Jack and his human traffickers were able to fly under police radar because of their inside man. But the mole’s gone dark. Jack’s new venture is raided by police. And, undercover Victoria is arrested.

As tension escalates between Jack and Victoria, Jack blames her for things going from bad to worse and plots his revenge.

Can Victoria survive Jack’s plan for her? Or, will Lizzie’s betrayal that she was a willing human trafficker destroy Victoria instead?

If you like the concept of TRAFFICK/STOP, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Regards,

Monica Arisman.

Mobile/Text: 403-850-4279

Email: marisman@shaw.ca

Bio: Monica has placed well in multiple screenwriting contests.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Target Market

What I learned doing this assignment which is new to me is to also use actors in their other movies to find producers.

TITLE: TRAFFICK/STOP

GENRE: Action/Adventure

LOGLINE: An undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main trafficker in order to discover what happened to her sister who disappeared in his company.

Make a list of five or more
movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to
play your lead characters.

MOVIES

Eastern Promises

Taken

The Transporter

End of Watch

Babylon A.D.

Trade

Eden

Skin Traffik (A HITMAN IN LONDON)

Took me about 15 minutes to find 30 producer contacts.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Phone Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to write out your pitch and to have it ready when you make the calls – and don’t lie.

Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with a High Concept.

<div>

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi, I’m Monica Arisman and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you?

I have a female Taken movie.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What is the budget range?

The budget range is between
$10-$15 Million USD.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

For the female lead someone
like Cobie Smulders.

For the male lead someone like
Scott Adkins.

For the role of villain
someone like Lee Pace.

For the supporting female role
someone like Adrienne C. Moore.

For the supporting male role
someone like John Dudley.

How many pages is the script?

The script is 114 pages.

Who else has seen this?

I’ve sent this out to a few
producers but I’ve just started to market it.

Why do you think this fits our
company?

I think this might fit your
company because you do action films and my film has a strong female lead.

How does it end? (Set-up / pay-off).

The set-up is Victoria
discovering Lizzie has been part of the ring all along and Jack deciding
Victoria needs to be killed.
The pay-off is Victoria
survives Jack’s plan and kills him in the process. Lizzie is arrested by
Victoria even though it breaks Victoria’s heart.

What have you done?

I’ve placed fairly well in
several competitions.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 8: Being a Star at Pitch Fests! ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is to be as brief as possible but deliver as much of the story as possible.

“Hi, I’m Monica Arisman and I specialize in the action genre. Today, I have an Action/Adventure called TRAFFICK/STOP.

It is a story about a cop who goes undercover to rescue her sister from suspected human traffickers only to learn her sister has been a part of the human trafficking ring since her disappearance.

Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

The budget range is between
$10-$15 Million USD.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

For the female lead someone
like Cobie Smulders. For the male lead someone like Scott Adkins. For the
role of villain someone like Lee Pace. For the supporting female role
someone like Adrienne C. Moore. For the supporting male role someone like
John Dudley.

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1: Victoria, a lone wolf
cop with a bad ass attitude must work within an undercover team to bring
down a human trafficking ring where the main trafficker, Jack is the man
last seen with her sister Lizzie.

Act 2: Victoria ingrains
herself into the human trafficking ring discovering some truly deviant
sexual behavior between Jack and his mother. After Victoria sees to the
rescue of several of the trafficked women, Jack starts to suspect
Victoria isn’t all she seems.

Act 3: Victoria and Jack procure other women
from a US sanctuary city. Lizzie who works behind the scenes tells Jack
who Victoria really is. Jack kidnaps Victoria and plans on raping and
torturing her, only to discover Victoria has martial arts skills that
Lizzie forgot to mention. Victoria beats Jack at his own game.

Act 4: The police raid another
event being held by the traffickers. Only Jack escapes and kidnaps Victoria
again. He strings her up and beats her. As he’s about to kill her, she
ends up killing him. She is rescued. Lizzie is arrested.

How does it end? (Set-up / pay-off).

The set-up is Victoria
discovering Lizzie has been part of the ring all along.
The pay-off is Lizzie being
arrested by Victoria even though it breaks Victoria’s heart. Jack and his
mother are dead.

Credibility questions – What have you done?

I’ve placed fairly well in
several competitions.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure all the elements of a successful query letter is incorporated into my own. But it would have been nice to see a few more examples of successful letters.

Write your query letter…

Dear Producer:

The next Taken!

Business is booming! Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. One woman can make her pimp $300K a year.

With her sister last seen with a known trafficker, Victoria, an undercover cop with a bad-ass attitude, infiltrates the human trafficking ring pretending to want in on the action. When she’s introduced to Jack, a cocaine addicted trafficker, Victoria recognizes him as the man her sister was with when she disappeared.

Jack and his mother, Beatrice, enjoy an Oedipus complex-type relationship and have over enjoyed the fruits of their depravity. After putting Victoria in charge of their new gentlemen’s club, it is raided by the police. The girls rescued.

Now they must source new blood from one of the US sanctuary cities. But that mission also goes wrong. To top things off, the traffickers’ police contact has gone silent.

Thinking Victoria is to blame for all their bad luck Jack takes matters into his own hands. Only to have Victoria beat him at his own game.

Until Jack’s girlfriend tells him who Victoria really is.

Will Victoria survive what Jack has planned for her? Or, will the betrayal that her sister was part of the human trafficking ring all along destroy her instead?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Regards,

Monica Arisman.

Mobile: 403-850-4279

Email: marisman@shaw.ca

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 7 – Query Letter Second Attempt

What I learned re-doing this assignment is to listen to the video first to get insight into how to make your QL compelling.

1^st Act Difficult Situation – Victoria, a lone wolf cop with a bad-ass attitude must work within an undercover team to bring down a human trafficking ring where the main trafficker, Jack, is the man last seen with her sister, Lizzie.

1^st Act Turning Point – Until Victoria showed up, Jack and his human traffickers were able to fly under police radar because of their inside man. But the mole goes dark. Jack’s new venture is raided by police. And, undercover Victoria is arrested.

2^nd & 3^rd Act’s Conflict – As the tension escalates Jack blames Victoria for things going from bad to worse.

Final Hook – Can Victoria survive Jack’s plan for her? Or, will Lizzie’s betrayal that she was a willing human trafficker destroy Victoria?

Opening Hook – The Next Taken!

GENRE: Action/Adventure

TITLE: TRAFFICK/STOP

Dear Producer:

The Next Taken!

Victoria, a lone wolf cop with a bad-ass attitude, must work within an undercover team to bring down a human trafficking ring. The main trafficker, Jack is a cocaine addicted, sexual deviant, who just happens to be the last man seen with her sister Lizzie.

Until Victoria showed up, Jack and his human traffickers were able to fly under police radar because of their inside man. But the mole’s gone dark. Jack’s new venture is raided by police. And, undercover Victoria is arrested.

As tension escalates between Jack and Victoria, Jack blames her for things going from bad to worse and plots his revenge.

Can Victoria survive Jack’s plan for her? Or, will Lizzie’s betrayal that she was a willing human trafficker destroy Victoria instead?

If you like the concept of TRAFFICK/STOP, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Regards,

Monica Arisman.

Mobile/Text: 403-850-4279

Email: marisman@shaw.ca

Bio: Monica has placed well in multiple screenwriting contests.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is how easy this is because in the past I’ve always thought how hard this was – I must be finally getting there!

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.

An undercover cop searches for her missing sister and must make a heart-breaking decision when she finds her.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma
– A choice between family and duty.
Main
Conflict – How do you bring your loved one back from the dark side?
What’s
at stake? – Will sisterly love survive the biggest betrayal of all?
Goal/Unique
Opposition – Finding your way home.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

I’ve written a story that’s the next Taken.

[Monica Arisman]

It appears the lesson I received as lesson 5 was not this one. So here is the revised Lesson 5 assignment.

Subject: Monica’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment attempt to grab the attention of a producer through hooks and to brainstorm more if the hooks appear weak.

Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

· Human trafficking is big business. It generates billions of USD worldwide each year.

· The next Taken.

· Theme – family vs duty.

· Lone wolf, bad ass female detective vs cocaine addict trafficker who thinks he can get away with anything.

· Detective’s sister disappears and is last seen with the trafficker.

· The main trafficker and his mother have an Oedipus complex relationship.

· There’s a leak in the police department.

· Source “new blood” from US sanctuary cities.

· The detective sister betrays her by being part of the human trafficking ring.

· In the midst of all the misery a budding relationship grows between the Detective and her Inspector partner.

Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.

Title: TRAFFICK/STOP

Written by: Monica E. Arisman

Genre: Action/Adventure

The next Taken!

Business is booming! Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. One woman can make her pimp $300K a year.

With her sister last seen with a known trafficker, Victoria, an undercover cop with a bad-ass attitude, infiltrates the human trafficking ring pretending to want in on the action. When she’s introduced to Jack, a cocaine addicted trafficker Victoria recognizes him as the man her sister was with when she disappeared.

Jack and his mother, Beatrice, enjoy an Oedipus complex-type relationship and have over enjoyed the fruits of their depravity. After putting Victoria in charge of their new gentlemen’s club it is raided by the police. The girls rescued. And, now they must source new blood from one of the US sanctuary cities.

But that also goes wrong. And to top things off, the traffickers police contact has gone silent. Thinking Victoria is to blame for all their bad luck, Jack takes things into his own hands. Only to have Victoria beat him at his own game. Until Jack’s girlfriend tells him who Victoria really is.

Will Victoria survive what Jack has planned for her? Or, will the betrayal that her sister was part of the human trafficking ring all along destroy her instead?

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is how easy this is because in the past I’ve always thought how hard this was – I must be finally getting there!

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.

An undercover cop searches for her missing sister and must make a heart-breaking decision when she finds her.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma – A choice between
family and duty. <div>

Main Conflict – How do you
bring your loved one back from the dark side?

What’s at stake? – Will sisterly
love survive the biggest betrayal of all?

Goal/Unique Opposition – Finding
your way home.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

I’ve written a story that’s the next Taken.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is to focus on the interesting parts of your project.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A. What is most unique about
your villain and hero?

Lone wolf, bad-ass female undercover
Detective (Victoria) meets by-the-book Inspector (Daniel) who partner up
to find the detective’s sister.
The Villain, Jack, is a
cocaine addict in charge of the HT ring and swears he’s met Victoria
before but can’t place her because of his drug habit – recurring theme.<div>

B. Major hook of your opening
scene?

Victoria chases her sister (Lizzie)
and friends after they leave the bar with a group of strange men only to
get in a car accident and lose them.

C. Any turning points?

Victoria’s cover is broken
because Lizzie tells Jack who she is.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Victoria and Lizzie were
always close. When Victoria discovers Lizzie is part of the human
trafficking ring does, she look the other way or arrest her regardless of
whether it breaks her heart or not?
Victoria and Daniel dance
around their attraction until Serena’s death which affects Victoria and
Daniel offers her friendship to cope.

E. Major twists?

Victoria and Jack go on a trip
to procure more women but Jack ends up murdering the contacts and
Victoria then tells Beatrice about Jack’s murder spree to sow discontent
amongst the traffickers.
The police Superintendent
turns out to have his hand in the HT ring.

F. Reversals?

Victoria from lone-wolf, ass
kicking cop to someone who recognizes the need for meaningful
relationships in one’s life.

G. Character betrayals?

Lizzie betrays Victoria by
becoming involved in a horrendous crime. And, Lizzie betrays her friends
by selling them into human trafficking, just to make a buck.
Victoria goes undercover and
betrays Beatrice (human trafficker) by hacking her phone.
One of the rescued women turns
on another and murders her.
Victoria betrays her friend,
Serena, who is also undercover, to sow more discontent and suspicion
amongst the criminals.

H. Or any big surprises?

Victoria is surprised to find
Lizzie is part of the HT ring.
Beatrice and Jack have an
Oedipus complex relationship.

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

o Theme – family vs duty

o Social commentary – human trafficking is still a big topic today.

o Marketable concept with plenty of action to keep audience’s interested.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today is something I didn’t do when I was speaking to producers before and that is ask them how to make the script better and if I could re-pitch to them again after re-writing.

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I would pitch my script. Hopefully, they’ll read it and like it. If they recommended changes, do them. Ask them which of the reasons listed is behind the changes in order to focus the rewrite. How fast do they want the rewrites back? And, if there is anything else I can do with the script to ensure we get the movie made.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

I would present myself as serious about my career as a screenwriter. I would pitch my script and do any changes that are required. I would practice pitching with them to become good at pitching. Follow their advice for meetings.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure all elements that have gone into the thriller map are represented in the outline.

Thrill Map Version 1

OPENING

INT. A ROOM IN SHADOWS – NIGHT

An empty wheelchair sits in the corner of the dark room. Kelly, dressed all in black, watches a computer screen. On the screen we see two people having sex. Kelly pounds a fist on the desk.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

In the corner of the room, a life-sized human robot stares seemingly into space. Livia rolls off the bed. Clutches a sheet to her lean body. Leans down and kisses Mark. Then cheekily struts to the bathroom. A little while later, Livia exits the bathroom dressed in sweats, her hair in a pony-tail.

Mark asks where Livia sent Kelly. Livia tells him she sent Kelly to an exclusive spa because she deserves to be treated well. Livia says she still feels responsible for Kelly’s accident. Livia kisses Mark on the head. Exits the room.

INT. A ROOM IN SHADOWS – NIGHT

Another person enters the dark room with the computer screen. Kelly screws a silencer onto a gun. Hands the new arrival the gun. Make it look like the robot did it says Kelly. The guy leaves the room. On the computer screen we see the murder through the robot’s eyes.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Livia jogs down the street. Across the street, in the shadows, Livia stops. Peers into the darkness. Calls out to someone she thinks is Ricky, her friend who set her up with Mark. But no one answers. Livia continues to jog away from Mark’s house.

Two blocks away, Livia turns. Sees two MEN following her. Livia picks up the pace. The two MEN run faster. Livia looks around. Heads to the playground. Then stops. Turns. The two MEN are onto her.

Livia’s response is to go all Black Widow on them. Leaving them laying on the ground but breathing.

INCITING INCIDENT

EXT. LARGE COMPUTER BUILDING – NIGHT

The large computer building is illuminated by flood lights. The lights go out. A figure races across the parking lot to the door. Breaks in.

INT. LARGE COMPUTER BUILDING – NIGHT

Once inside the figure neutralizes the guards. Ends up in the massive computer room.

Finds what s/he’s looking for and works away on a tablet. Sabotages the transparency cameras and certain personal robots.

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

Livia skips into the council chambers. Takes her place, as administrator, at the head of the table on the floor. Livia gazes around at the semi-circular chamber and the three rows of seats. Then looks at the large windows that over-look the city square where anyone can watch the proceedings live.

Livia turns at the opening of the door at the top of the chamber. Ricky runs down one of the aisles. Informs her Minister Mark is dead. They must not look like something’s amiss or the people in the city square may get restless. Livia and Ricky discuss how to announce the news that the Minister is dead.

Once all the Ministers are in place, Livia announces Mark is dead. She is devastated but must hide her emotions lest she be removed or worse suspected. Livia suggests the public is informed immediately by calling for a special meeting in the city square.

EXT. CITY SQUARE – DAY

Livia is on stage with Ricky and another Minister, Tom. Tom attempts to speak to Livia before she makes the announcement but Ricky keeps getting in the way.

Livia stands before the microphone and informs the public that Mark is dead. Suddenly, bombs go off. Gunfire erupts. A bullet grazes the Livia’s shoulder.

People are running trying to escape the gunfire. Then Livia pulls a gun and starts shooting at the bad guys.

INT. LIVIA’s OFFICE – DAY

Livia sits behind her desk. Her gun lays in front of her. A MEDICAL ATTENDENT patches Livia’s shoulder up. Tom stares out the window. Ricky lounges in a chair in front of her desk.

Livia demands to know how not only the murder of Mark but how bombs and gunfire at a public rally could happen. This is a transparent society, with cameras everywhere. But it’s become the wild, wild, west as someone or someone’s have found a loop hole to cause chaos.

They debate whether or not the cameras have been sabotaged? Including, personal robots. But who could have done such a thing? Livia suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so passionately in, is being manipulated. A full council meeting must be convened tomorrow. And an investigation launched. Ricky says he’ll call every member personally to be in chambers at 9 am.

EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Livia, escorted by two BODYGUARDs, walks the empty streets. Marshal Law has been imposed until further notice because of the terrorist attack and subsequent riot. As the group hurry down the city, Livia sees Tom and Ricky having a drink at the government bar.

TURNING POINT 1:

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

Livia calls the meeting to order. She gives a report as to what they know so far. As per the rules of the Glass Society, a Committee must be selected and an investigation begun. The Committee must investigate Minister Mark’s death and the terrorist attack at a public meeting. Including if the transparency cameras have been tampered with.

The rules further state that five members must sit on the Committee, Livia, as Administrator is the only non-elected member. Everyone must submit a name. The Committee is then excused from the day-to-day decision making.

The Committee is selected…Livia, Tom, Ricky, and two others complete the team. The team meets after the rest of the Minister’s leave. Livia takes Tom aside and asks him what he thinks about Ricky. Tom reassures Livia not to worry, things are in hand. Livia doesn’t believe him. Decides to do her own private investigation.

INT. SURVEILLANCE BUILDING – NIGHT

After hours, Livia breaks into the surveillance building. Here everything is stored from files to hours and hours of surveillance from the transparency cameras.

Livia starts by reviewing the code, which she wrote, of the mainframe computer. After a cursory review Livia determines all seems to be in order.

Livia temporarily disables the cameras. Runs to the files room. Here all files from the inception of the Glass Society has been housed. Livia discovers detailed plans of a sinister plot to bring down the Glass Society. These files, digital and paper, have been filed amongst Ricky’s documents.

As Livia reads some of the paper files, she starts to sweat. A rash breaks out on her hands. She wobbles. Has to sit down on the floor. Looks at her hands. Sees a white powder all over them. Poison!

Calls Tom. Tom shows up a little while later. Discovers a near unconscious Livia. Livia points to the documents. Whispers we need the evidence. Tom snaps on some rubber gloves. Puts the documents in a paper bag. Hands the bag to Livia. Then picks her up. And leaves.

INT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT

The doctors have stabilized Livia. They must run tests on the poison before they know what they’re dealing with. The doctors tell Livia she must rest and not exert herself. They let her leave with Tom.

Tom says he’ll share the evidence with the Committee but won’t say where he got it from.

INT. LIVIA’s HOUSE – NIGHT

A masked person breaks into her home. Tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her. When the person hears a car door slam. He races out the back door. But has left a mess behind.

Tom escorts Livia into her house. Livia turns on the lights. Sees the mess. Tom tells her to wait at the front door. He goes room to room. But can’t find anyone. Except the backdoor is open. Tom tells Livia she can stay with him. Livia gets a small suitcase together. They lock up.

MID-POINT:

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

The Committee meets. Tom shares the evidence with the Committee. They debate whether or not Ricky had anything to do with the Minister’s death or the terrorist attack because he is named in the documents.

Ricky vehemently denies he’s involved. That he’s been set up. Besides other evidence suggests it’s Livia – she’s the one who had sex with Mark; she’s the one that sent Kelly out for a special evening. But he believes that it is just bad luck for Livia! And now that Livia’s been poisoned, she should step away from the investigation. But that’s not how the rules works. Livia agrees to rest more but will still be part of the investigation.

INT. RICKY’S CAR – NIGHT

Ricky drives Livia home. He really wants her to step away because she’s ill. But also because he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines. Ricky, supposedly hurt, informs her she’s not the right person for the job. Livia tells him, he only thinks that because he lost the Administrator position to her. Ricky drops her off at her house.

INT. LIVIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Livia looks around. Everything seems to be in order. She sits down at her computer. Brings up her secret security features. Sees the burglar from the other night tamper with her robot. Livia brings up her robot’s security features. Re-programs the robot. Runs another program to determine who the burglar is. Discovers exactly who he is.

Livia goes through her email. Sees she has more than usual hate mail. She gets a phone call. The doctors have determined the type of poison. Could she come by for the antidote? Livia says she’ll be there within the half hour.

INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT

Livia drives to the medical centre. But in her rear-view mirror she sees another car following her. Makes a left hand turn. It follows. Makes a right hand turn. It follows.

EXT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT

Livia finally pulls into the medical centre’s parking lot. Runs to the doors. Watches as the car that followed her parks.

INT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT

Livia meets the doctor at the reception. He escorts her through the hallways to an examination room. Livia hops up onto the table. The doctor pulls a rather large looking needle from the drawer and fills it from a small vial.

Livia changes her mind. But the doctor tries to restrain her.

Livia’s response is to kick the doctor in the private parts. Stab him with the needle.

Livia opens the door of the examination room. Makes a run for it.

EXT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT

Livia runs to her car. But slows as she sees three bad guys coming towards her. She goes left. They go left. Goes right. They go right. Makes a run to her car. Rummages in her purse as she flees. Pulls a gun. Stops. Turns. Shoots one of the pursuers in the head. One of the remaining pursuers shoots back. Misses. Livia shoots him in the head.

The last pursuer runs towards her. Livia shoots him. He goes down. She runs over to him. Kicks his gun away. Demands to know who they are and who sent them. He tells her Council Member Matt sent them. Livia shoots this one in the head also.

Livia runs to her car. Gets in.

INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT

Livia drives away from the scene. She’s sweating. Her hands shake. Races through the streets of the city as it still is in Marshal Law. Pulls up in front of Council Member Matt’s house.

EXT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT

From somewhere across the street, a figure in the shadows films Livia as she approaches the front door. Livia knocks but the door swings open. Livia enters.

INT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Livia turns on the lights. Lying in a pool of blood is Council Member Matt. Livia turns. Races to her car.

EXT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT

The person filming her watches her drive away. Then runs to the house. Takes pictures from the doorway of Matt in the pool of blood.

INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT

Livia races away from Matt’s house. She drives to the countryside outside the city. Pulls over. Calls Tom.

LATER

Tom opens the passenger door. Livia recounts all that’s happened. Tom has a solution. He tells her that he should drive as she really isn’t looking too good. Livia eyes him suspiciously. Tom reassures her he’s on her side. They swap places.

LATER

Tom pulls the car up to a large ranch house.

EXT. RANCH HOUSE – DAWN

JAKE, exits the ranch house as Tom gets out of the car. Jake shakes Tom’s hand. Livia who had been asleep, wakes. The men help her out of the car. She collapses. Tom picks her up. Carries her into the ranch house.

INT. RANCH HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Jake clears the table. Tom lays Livia on the table. The men discuss the poison that is raging through Livia. Jake says he can help. Jake fills a basin of cold water. Takes a cloth. Tells Tom to bathe Livia’s head with the cold water. Jake leaves the room. Returns with a syringe full of liquid.

Jake approaches Livia. But she struggles against Tom and Jake. Jake assures her it’s the antidote. Jake squeezes the antidote into Livia’s arm. An older woman appears from another room. She says the bed is ready. Tom carries Livia into the bedroom. Places her on the bed. The older woman shoos him out.

LATER

Livia rejoins Tom and Jake. The older woman is making dinner. As they eat, Livia tells the story, including her sexual exploits with Mark right up to discovering Matt dead.

Jake tells her the Glass Society was a risky venture to begin with. And what was Livia thinking sleeping with a married Council Member? Livia says that Ricky set them up and she feels bad about the damage she has done. Jake wants to know, how can they help?

TURNING POINT 2

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER – DAY

A high-ranking official (the red herring) confronts the investigating Committee and warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions that Livia’s the murderer. And now that Matt has been murdered with film showing Livia at Matt’s house, it’s probably best if Livia is taken into custody.

Ricky smirks in the background. But Livia demands, as per the rules, that she has 48 hours to show she’s not guilty. The Committee reluctantly agrees.

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Livia hurries down the street. Ricky catches up to him. Tells her, if she only took up his offer of getting together, she wouldn’t find herself in this position. Livia can’t believe what she’s hearing. Ricky grabs her arm and pulls her close. Whispers something into her ear that has her go pale. Jake who had been following close behind, takes exception. Grabs Ricky. Beats him up. Leaving Ricky bleeding in the street.

INT. GOVERNMENT BAR – LATER

Jake asks what Ricky said to her. Livia said that Ricky told her he’s behind it all. Him and Kelly. But Kelly’s been “taken care of”. And, if Livia tries to prove it’s Ricky she won’t escape with her life this time.

Tom joins them at the table. Livia tells him the whole story. They agree to present their case in the Chamber the next day. But they need irrefutable proof that Ricky is behind everything. Tom is to take Ricky for dinner. Livia and Jake will break into Ricky’s house.

INT. RICKY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jake and Livia break into Ricky’s house. Livia takes the chip out of Ricky’s robot. Replaces it with another chip. Jake hacks Ricky’s computer and downloads everything on it. Removes the hard drive. Replaces it with a blank hard drive. They look for hard copies of files, but find nothing.

INT. LIVIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Livia and Jake go through Ricky’s robot computer and his hard drive. They discover all the evidence they need to place the blame for everything on Ricky.

CLIMAX

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER – DAY

All Council Members are in attendance. The city square is full of people. Ricky makes a motion to have Livia placed under arrest for the murders. And, have himself deemed Administrator. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the Glass Societies corruption surfaces.

Livia tells the Council that it wasn’t her and she has proof. Livia pulls up a presentation of documents, footage and robot footage of Ricky orchestrating the whole thing. Ricky wants to be in charge so badly that he started to murder Members who weren’t on side with his plan.

Ricky pulls a gun. Shoots at Livia. Then Jake. Seriously wounding Jake. Tom tackles Ricky. Several others rush to Tom’s side to restrain Ricky.

The citizen’s riot.

RESOLUTION:

Order is restored and significant changes to the Glass Society is undertaken.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Misdirects…When Appropriate!

What I learned doing this assignment is another layer to add to your thriller to make the script amazing. All will be revealed in my thriller map!

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is the difference between a logline and high concept. I still think I’m a bit confused on the difference.

Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.

1. Tell us your current logline.

When her sister goes missing from a bar an undercover cop works tirelessly to discover her whereabouts before she’s lost forever.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

D. Timely — connected to some
major trend or event. – Human trafficking continues to be in the news.<div>

I. Similarity to a box-office
success. – The next Taken.

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

I. The next Taken – Taken’s budget was $25 M, Box Office $226 M worldwide; Traffick/Stop’s budget is $10-15 M.

D. Timely – human trafficking continues to be big business, not only in Canada and the US, but worldwide, as evidenced by the success of the documentary/action/crime movie Sounds of Freedom, budget $14.5 M, Box Office to date $210 M worldwide.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Project and Market

What I learned today is to ensure I have a high concept and to identify the target I want to focus on.

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Title: TRAFFICK/STOP

Concept: An undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main trafficker in order to discover what happened to her sister who disappeared in his company several years previously.

Genre: Action/Adventure

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

I think the story is relevant and has a high concept. The script is very well written.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

First – Producers – because they seem most accessible

Second – Actor’s production companies

Third – Managers (still not sure what these guys really do!)

[Monica Arisman]

As a member of this group, I, Monica Arisman, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi,

My name is Monica Arisman. I’ve written about 7 scripts and 1 tv pilot.

I will be successful marketing my human trafficking script which I have been working on for a couple of years.

Something unique? I spent a long time working in the oil and gas industry and now work at writing!

Cheers,

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Gives Great Clues!

What I learned doing this assignment is this is the
first time I’ve encountered clues (I think) and I don’t know if I’m
understanding it clearly yet.

List out the three or four main
mysteries in your story.

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries
in your story.

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

End Result: The Villain, Ricky, and the council member’s wife, Kelly, are the murders.

Clues:

o The council member’s personal robot “watches” him have sex with Livia

o A shadowy figure watches a computer screen from the robot’s POV

o An empty wheelchair sits in the corner of the dark room with the computer screen

o Another person enters the dark room with the computer screen

o The new arrival hands the other person a gun

o The two people in the dark room have sex

o When Livia exits the room, one of the people from the dark room screws on a silencer

o On the computer screen we see the murder through the robot’s eyes

o Or the robot has been hacked to kill the council member?

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

End Result: The Villain, Ricky, has compromised the cameras and certain personal robots.

Clues:

o The large computer building is illuminated by flood lights

o The lights go out

o A figure races across the parking lot to the door and breaks in

o Once inside the figure neutralizes the guards

o Ends up in the massive computer room

o Finds what s/he’s looking for and works away on a tablet

o Sabotages the transparency cameras and certain personal robots

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

End Result: No she is not but looks guilty

Clues:

o Livia is the one having sex with the council member

o Livia sent Kelly out for a special evening

o Livia’s personal robot has been compromised

o Ricky suggests to Livia that she’s not the right person for the job

o Another council member dies when Livia is seen leaving his home

o Livia is followed and hounded by shadowy figures

o Livia receives “hate” mail

New version of Thriller Map.

Three Act Structure

OPENING:

Clues:

o The council member’s personal robot “watches” him have sex with Livia

o A shadowy figure watches a computer screen from the robot’s POV

o An empty wheelchair sits in the corner of the dark room with the computer screen

o Another person enters the dark room with the computer screen

o The new arrival hands the other person a gun

o The two people in the dark room have sex

o When Livia exits the room, one of the people from the dark room screws on a silencer

o On the computer screen we see the murder through the robot’s eyes

o Or the robot has been hacked to kill the council member?

o Trust: Livia and Kelly are friends but Kelly is disabled.

o Trust: Livia sets Kelly up for an evening out but Kelly doesn’t go.

o Distrust: Kelly watches Livia and her husband having sex.

· The Hero and the Minister are having sex.

o Trust: Livia assumes Ricky is her friend after all, he set her up with the Minister she was sleeping with.

· The Hero takes a shower. The Minister is very much alive.

· The Hero prepares to leave…

o Distrust: Livia thinks she sees Ricky in the shadows as she leaves after the authorities show up at the death of the Minister.

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

Life Threatening Situation 1: Did the Hero kill the Minister?

Twist – New problem Occurs:

® Twist 1: Direction: Hero takes a shower after sex.

Twist: When she finishes she finds the Minister shot to death.

INCITING INCIDENT:

· The Minister is dead.

· The Hero must inform the public via a meeting in the town square.

o Trust: Livia and Ricky discuss how to announce the news that the Minister is dead.

Life Threatening Situation 2: Bombs go off, gunfire at the rally, a bullet grazes the Hero’s shoulder.

o Distrust: Tom is trying to set up Ricky and expose him for who he really is but Livia gets caught in the mission

Twist – The worst thing possible happens.

® Twist 2: Direction: People are scattering trying to escape the gunfire.

Twist: Hero pulls a gun herself and starts shooting at the bad guys.

o Distrust: Livia is giving the public address when bombs and gunfire explode.

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

Clues:

o The large computer building is illuminated by flood lights

o The lights go out

o A figure races across the parking lot to the door and breaks in

o Once inside the figure neutralizes the guards

o Ends up in the massive computer room

o Finds what s/he’s looking for and works away on a tablet

o Sabotages the transparency cameras and certain personal robots

The
Hero suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so
passionately in, is being manipulated.

o Distrust: Livia sees Tom and Ricky having a drink at the government bar.

Twist – A mistake returns to haunt them.

® Twist 3: Direction: The glass society was set up to be transparent and to be a civilized society.

Twist: It’s become the wild, wild, west as someone or someone’s have found a loop hole to cause chaos.

o Distrust: It is Ricky that insists upon an investigation into the Minister’s death and the chaos at the public event and tries to circumvent the process.

TURNING POINT 1:

Villain’s PLAN 1: The Villain worms his way onto the committee selected to investigate the Minister’s death. As per the rules, the five (Hero, Villain and three other Minister’s) must be temporarily removed from the day-to-day decision making.

o Distrust: Tom sits on the investigative committee and is very chummy with Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 3: After hours, the Hero goes on the hunt for incriminating evidence and finds it. Only it’s sabotaged with poison.

o Trust: Livia tells Ricky she has found evidence of a sinister plot to bring down the glass society.

o Distrust: The evidence was poisoned.

o Trust: Tom comes to see Livia as she realizes she’s poisoned and tries to help her.

Life Threatening Situation 4: The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her.

Twist – Someone changes sides

® Twist 4: Direction: The three other committee members are supposed to be neutral.

Twist: Two of them side with the Villain.

MID-POINT:

Villain’s PLAN 2: Suggests the Hero to step away from the investigation, as she is ill. And that he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines.

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

Clues:

o Livia is the one having sex with the council member

o Livia sent Kelly out for a special evening

o Livia’s personal robot has been compromised

o Ricky suggests to Livia that she’s not the right person for the job

o Another council member dies when Livia is seen leaving his home

o Livia is followed and hounded by shadowy figures

o Livia receives “hate” mail

Villain’s PLAN 3: Has a secret team of killers who live outside the glass society.

Life Threatening Situation 5: The Villain has these killers attack her and try to kidnap her.

o Distrust: There is an attempt to kidnap Livia.

Twist – We see an unexpected side of someone.

® Twist 5: Direction: The Hero help build a transparent, safe, civilized society.

Twist: She becomes Black Widow when she’s attacked.

TURNING POINT 2:

The investigating committee confronts a high-ranking official (the red herring) who warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions the Hero’s the murderer.

o Distrust: Jake appears to be siding with Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 6: Betrayal as she discovers her robot and cameras are compromised.

o Distrust: Jake wants to know why Livia was sleeping with that Minister in the first place.

The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her. He has the antidote for the poison.

o Trust: Tom helps Livia contact Jake.

o Trust: Livia seeks Jake’s help after the attempt to kidnap her.

o Trust: Jake has the antidote to the poison.

o Trust: Jake beats up Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 7: His cover is blown and they barely escape with their lives.

o Trust: Jake is seriously wounded in defense of Livia.

Twist – A lie is uncovered.

® Twist 6: Direction: The Hero and her ally did know who they were fighting.

o Twist: They discover it’s the Villain and his plan for world domination.

® Life Threatening Situation 8: They plan to reveal him to the entire society. (NEW)

CLIMAX:

Villain’s PLAN 4: Makes a motion to have the Hero placed on leave and himself deemed Administrator.

o Distrust: Ricky pushes to have him declared administrator.

The Hero convenes a Minister meeting to unveil the evidence she has collected, naming the Villain as the mastermind. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the glass societies corruption surfaces. The citizen’s riot.

o Distrust: Ricky then tries to shoot Livia and the other members of the committee.

Life Threatening Situation 9: The Villain pulls a gun and shoots her and several others before he is restrained.

Twist – A trust is violated.

® Twist 7: Direction: The Hero is ready to deliver her report.

Twist: The Villain reveals his true self.

RESOLUTION:

Order is restored and significant changes to the glass society is undertaken.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is to use some of the previous lessons information and build on those.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

· Who killed the Minister after he had sex with Livia.

o A. What is the reveal? The Minister is killed after having sex with Livia.

o B. How did it get covered up? The cameras must be glitching.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery: How could this happen?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. The robot knows the truth but has it been manipulated to show Livia doing the deed?

· Livia’s martial arts skills.

o A. What is the reveal? Livia defending herself against attackers.

o B. How did it get covered up? She always presents herself as a girlie girl.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Intrigue – not supposed to be any violence in the glass society.

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She goes all Black Widow on her attackers.

· Jake and Livia used to be in a romantic relationship.

o A. What is the reveal? Jake and Livia used to be close in the time before the glass society.

o B. How did it get covered up? Jake chose to live “off-grid”. Livia chose to be part of the new government.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – what happened between them?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She turns to Jake for help but when he discovers she slept with the dead Minister all hell breaks loose between them.

· Kelly really isn’t disabled.

o A. What is the reveal? Kelly is not disabled.

o B. How did it get covered up? She gets around in a wheelchair.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – why is she pretending to be disabled?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She tries to kill Livia – did she kill her husband? Is she part of the Villain’s plan?

· What kind of society is this that has transparency cameras even in your home, and personal robots that keep “an eye” on you?

o A. What is the reveal? Cameras everywhere, personal robots.

o B. How did it get covered up? In plain sight.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – do these measures actually keep people more honest?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. They start glitching making up the scenarios that aren’t there.

· Why is there another community outside the glass society?

o A. What is the reveal? Another independent community exists outside the glass society.

o B. How did it get covered up? No one interacts with them.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery/Intrigue – how did this happen? Is there more than one?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Livia knows where it is as does other members of the ruling council.

· Who else but Livia can by-pass the cameras?

o A. What is the reveal? The cameras can be by-passed and manipulated.

o B. How did it get covered up? There is a keeper of the code.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Suspense/Mystery – how many people know how to re-write code; what happens when that is discovered?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. See Livia enter the computer room and render the keeper unconscious.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Trust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is the hero and villain usually start out having a trust relationship and then something happens and the betrayal’s start.

Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.

1. Make a list of the main characters.

Hero: Livia Brady – Trustable<div>

Villain: Ricky
Green – Not trustable (but appears trustable)

Red Herring Character: Jake Morris – Trustable (but
appears un-trustable)

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Kelly Shrewsberry (Minister’s wife – the
one Livia was sleeping with) – Trustable (but shouldn’t be trusted)

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Tom Brooks – Trustable

3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero / Villain: Livia/Ricky

1. Trust: Livia assumes Ricky is her friend after all, he set her up with the Minister she was sleeping with.

2. Distrust: Livia thinks she sees Ricky in the shadows as she leaves after the authorities show up at the death of the Minister.

3. Trust: Livia and Ricky discuss how to announce the news that the Minister is dead.

4. Distrust: Livia is giving the public address when bombs and gunfire explode.

5. Distrust: It is Ricky that insists upon an investigation into the Minister’s death and the chaos at the public event and tries to circumvent the process.

6. Trust: Livia tells Ricky she has found evidence of a sinister plot to bring down the glass society.

7. Distrust: The evidence was poisoned.

8. Distrust: There is an attempt to kidnap Livia.

9. Distrust: Ricky pushes to have him declared administrator.

10. Distrust: Ricky then tries to shoot Livia and the other members of the committee.

Hero / Red Herring Character: Livia/Jake

1. Trust: Livia seeks Jake’s help after the attempt to kidnap her.

2. Distrust: Jake appears to be siding with Ricky.

3. Trust: Jake beats up Ricky.

4. Distrust: Jake wants to know why Livia was sleeping with that Minister in the first place.

5. Trust: Jake has the antidote to the poison.

6. Trust: Jake is seriously wounded in defense of Livia.

Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Livia/Kelly

1. Trust: Livia and Kelly are friends but Kelly is disabled.

2. Trust: Livia sets Kelly up for an evening out but Kelly doesn’t go.

3. Distrust: Kelly watches Livia and her husband having sex.

4. Distrust: Kelly confronts Livia after her husband’s murder and threatens her.

Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be: Livia/Tom

1. Distrust: Tom sits on the investigative committee and is very chummy with Ricky.

2. Distrust: Livia sees Tom and Ricky having a drink at the government bar.

3. Trust: Tom comes to see Livia as she realizes she’s poisoned and tries to help her.

4. Distrust: Tom is trying to set up Ricky and expose him for who he really is but Livia gets caught in the mission.

5. Trust: Tom helps Livia contact Jake.

New version of Thriller Map.

Three Act Structure

OPENING:

o Trust: Livia and Kelly are friends but Kelly is disabled.

o Trust: Livia sets Kelly up for an evening out but Kelly doesn’t go.

o Distrust: Kelly watches Livia and her husband having sex.

· The Hero and the Minister are having sex.

o Trust: Livia assumes Ricky is her friend after all, he set her up with the Minister she was sleeping with.

· The Hero takes a shower. The Minister is very much alive.

· The Hero prepares to leave…

o Distrust: Livia thinks she sees Ricky in the shadows as she leaves after the authorities show up at the death of the Minister.

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

Life Threatening Situation 1: Did the Hero kill the Minister?

Twist – New problem Occurs:

® Twist 1: Direction: Hero takes a shower after sex.

Twist: When she finishes she finds the Minister shot to death.

INCITING INCIDENT:

· The Minister is dead.

· The Hero must inform the public via a meeting in the town square.

o Trust: Livia and Ricky discuss how to announce the news that the Minister is dead.

Life Threatening Situation 2: Bombs go off, gunfire at the rally, a bullet grazes the Hero’s shoulder.

o Distrust: Tom is trying to set up Ricky and expose him for who he really is but Livia gets caught in the mission

Twist – The worst thing possible happens.

® Twist 2: Direction: People are scattering trying to escape the gunfire.

Twist: Hero pulls a gun herself and starts shooting at the bad guys.

o Distrust: Livia is giving the public address when bombs and gunfire explode.

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

The
Hero suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so
passionately in, is being manipulated.

o Distrust: Livia sees Tom and Ricky having a drink at the government bar.

Twist – A mistake returns to haunt them.

® Twist 3: Direction: The glass society was set up to be transparent and to be a civilized society.

Twist: It’s become the wild, wild, west as someone or someone’s have found a loop hole to cause chaos.

o Distrust: It is Ricky that insists upon an investigation into the Minister’s death and the chaos at the public event and tries to circumvent the process.

TURNING POINT 1:

Villain’s PLAN 1: The Villain worms his way onto the committee selected to investigate the Minister’s death. As per the rules, the five (Hero, Villain and three other Minister’s) must be temporarily removed from the day-to-day decision making.

o Distrust: Tom sits on the investigative committee and is very chummy with Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 3: After hours, the Hero goes on the hunt for incriminating evidence and finds it. Only it’s sabotaged with poison.

o Trust: Livia tells Ricky she has found evidence of a sinister plot to bring down the glass society.

o Distrust: The evidence was poisoned.

o Trust: Tom comes to see Livia as she realizes she’s poisoned and tries to help her.

Life Threatening Situation 4: The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her.

Twist – Someone changes sides

® Twist 4: Direction: The three other committee members are supposed to be neutral.

Twist: Two of them side with the Villain.

MID-POINT:

Villain’s PLAN 2: Suggests the Hero to step away from the investigation, as she is ill. And that he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines.

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

Villain’s PLAN 3: Has a secret team of killers who live outside the glass society.

Life Threatening Situation 5: The Villain has these killers attack her and try to kidnap her.

o Distrust: There is an attempt to kidnap Livia.

Twist – We see an unexpected side of someone.

® Twist 5: Direction: The Hero help build a transparent, safe, civilized society.

Twist: She becomes Black Widow when she’s attacked.

TURNING POINT 2:

The investigating committee confronts a high-ranking official (the red herring) who warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions the Hero’s the murderer.

o Distrust: Jake appears to be siding with Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 6: Betrayal as she discovers her robot and cameras are compromised.

o Distrust: Jake wants to know why Livia was sleeping with that Minister in the first place.

The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her. He has the antidote for the poison.

o Trust: Tom helps Livia contact Jake.

o Trust: Livia seeks Jake’s help after the attempt to kidnap her.

o Trust: Jake has the antidote to the poison.

o Trust: Jake beats up Ricky.

Life Threatening Situation 7: His cover is blown and they barely escape with their lives.

o Trust: Jake is seriously wounded in defense of Livia.

Twist – A lie is uncovered.

® Twist 6: Direction: The Hero and her ally did know who they were fighting.

o Twist: They discover it’s the Villain and his plan for world domination.

® Life Threatening Situation 8: They plan to reveal him to the entire society. (NEW)

CLIMAX:

Villain’s PLAN 4: Makes a motion to have the Hero placed on leave and himself deemed Administrator.

o Distrust: Ricky pushes to have him declared administrator.

The Hero convenes a Minister meeting to unveil the evidence she has collected, naming the Villain as the mastermind. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the glass societies corruption surfaces. The citizen’s riot.

o Distrust: Ricky then tries to shoot Livia and the other members of the committee.

Life Threatening Situation 9: The Villain pulls a gun and shoots her and several others before he is restrained.

Twist – A trust is violated.

® Twist 7: Direction: The Hero is ready to deliver her report.

Twist: The Villain reveals his true self.

RESOLUTION:

Order is restored and significant changes to the glass society is undertaken.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Twists and Turns

What I learned doing this assignment is this wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be because I felt I didn’t really understand my story yet.

New version of Thriller Map.

Three Act Structure

OPENING:

· The Hero and the Minister are having sex.

· The Hero takes a shower. The Minister is very much alive.

· The Hero prepares to leave…

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

Life Threatening Situation 1: Did the Hero kill the Minister?

Twist – New problem Occurs:

® Twist 1: Direction: Hero takes a shower after sex.

Twist: When she finishes she finds the Minister shot to death.

INCITING INCIDENT:

· The Minister is dead.

· The Hero must inform the public via a meeting in the town square.

Life Threatening Situation 2: Bombs go off, gunfire at the rally, a bullet grazes the Hero’s shoulder.

Twist – The worst thing possible happens.

® Twist 2: Direction: People are scattering trying to escape the gunfire.

Twist: Hero pulls a gun herself and starts shooting at the bad guys.

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

· The Hero suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so passionately in, is being manipulated.

Twist – A mistake returns to haunt them.

® Twist 3: Direction: The glass society was set up to be transparent and to be a civilized society.

Twist: It’s become the wild, wild, west as someone or someone’s have found a loop hole to cause chaos.

TURNING POINT 1:

Villain’s PLAN 1: The Villain worms his way onto the committee selected to investigate the Minister’s death. As per the rules, the five (Hero, Villain and three other Minister’s) must be temporarily removed from the day-to-day decision making.

Life Threatening Situation 3: After hours, the Hero goes on the hunt for incriminating evidence and finds it. Only it’s sabotaged with poison.

Life Threatening Situation 4: The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her.

Twist – Someone changes sides

® Twist 4: Direction: The three other committee members are supposed to be neutral.

Twist: Two of them side with the Villain.

MID-POINT:

Villain’s PLAN 2: Suggests the Hero to step away from the investigation, as she is ill. And that he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines.

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

Villain’s PLAN 3: Has a secret team of killers who live outside the glass society.

Life Threatening Situation 5: The Villain has these killers attack her and try to kidnap her.

Twist – We see an unexpected side of someone.

® Twist 5: Direction: The Hero helped build a transparent, safe, civilized society.

Twist: She becomes Black Widow when she’s attacked.

TURNING POINT 2:

The investigating committee confronts a high-ranking official (the red herring) who warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions the Hero’s the murderer.

Life Threatening Situation 6: Betrayal as she discovers her robot and cameras are compromised.

The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her. He has the antidote for the poison.

Life Threatening Situation 7: His cover is blown and they barely escape with their lives.

Twist – A lie is uncovered.

® Twist 6: Direction: The Hero and her ally did not know who they were fighting.

Twist: They discover it’s the Villain and his plan for world domination.

® Life Threatening Situation 8: They plan to reveal him to the entire society. (NEW)

CLIMAX:

Villain’s PLAN 4: Makes a motion to have the Hero placed on leave and himself deemed Administrator.

The Hero convenes a Minister meeting to unveil the evidence she has collected, naming the Villain as the mastermind. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the glass societies corruption surfaces. The citizen’s riot.

Life Threatening Situation 9: The Villain pulls a gun and shoots her and several others before he is restrained.

Twist – A trust is violated.

® Twist 7: Direction: The Hero is ready to deliver her report.

Twist: The Villain reveals his true self.

RESOLUTION:

Order is restored and significant changes to the glass society is undertaken.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SUBJECT: Monica’s Thriller Plot

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What I learned doing this assignment is my mysteries don’t seem strong enough and will have to re-think those.

1. List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with.

Three Act Structure

OPENING:

· The Hero and the Minister are having sex.

· The Hero leaves. The Minister is very much alive.

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

Life Threatening Situation 1: Did the Hero kill the Minister?

INCITING INCIDENT:

· The Minister is dead.

· The Hero must inform the public via a meeting in the town square.

Life Threatening Situation 2: Bombs go off, gunfire at the rally, a bullet grazes the Hero’s shoulder.

Mystery 2: How was it done with transparency cameras everywhere?

· The Hero suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so passionately in, is being manipulated.

TURNING POINT 1:

Villain’s PLAN 1: The Villain worms his way onto the committee selected to investigate the Minister’s death. As per the rules, the five (Hero, Villain and three other Minister’s) must be temporarily removed from the day-to-day decision making.

Life Threatening Situation 3: After hours, the Hero goes on the hunt for incriminating evidence and finds it. Only it’s sabotaged with poison.

Life Threatening Situation 4: The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her.

MID-POINT:

Villain’s PLAN 2: Suggests the Hero to step away from the investigation, as she is ill. And that he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines.

Mystery 3: Is the Hero the murderer?

Villain’s PLAN 3: Has a secret team of killers who live outside the glass society.

Life Threatening Situation 5: The Villain has these killers attack her and kidnap her.

TURNING POINT 2:

The investigating committee confronts a high-ranking official (the red herring) who warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions the Hero’s the murderer.

Life Threatening Situation 6: Betrayal as she discovers her robot and cameras are compromised.

The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her. He has the antidote for the poison.

Life Threatening Situation 7: His cover is blown and they barely escape with their lives.

CLIMAX:

Villain’s PLAN 4: Makes a motion to have the Hero placed on leave and himself deemed Administrator.

The Hero convenes a Minister meeting to unveil the evidence she has collected, naming the Villain as the mastermind. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the glass societies corruption surfaces. The citizen’s riot.

Life Threatening Situation 8: The Villain pulls a gun and shoots her and several others before he is restrained.

RESOLUTION:

Order is restored and significant changes to the glass society is undertaken.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned doing this assignment is there are many ways to threaten your Hero, just have to get creative.

Create your Life Threatening Sequence.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the
Hero in danger?

· The Villain’s plan is to put himself in charge of the glass society.

· The Villain will stop at nothing to reach his goal.

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience
as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

· The Villain volunteers to help her uncover who the murderer is.

· The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her robot so he can watch her.

· The Villain claims he’s falling for the Hero and he wants to take the relationship to another level but when she refuses, he hires someone to attack her.

· The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her, but his cover is blown and is nearly killed.

From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones
that work for this story.

· Assassination attempt

· Evidence is sabotaged

· Attempted kidnapping

· Betrayal within the ranks

· Poison that was on a piece of evidence

· Violent attack at a public rally

· She’s being framed for the murder

· Explosive discovery of incriminating evidence

Sequence those dangers in order
and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.

a) A council member and the Hero are having dinner at his home discussing a pressing matter before the council. They end up in bed. He ends up dead.

b) At a public rally, the Hero addresses the crowd to inform them that a popular council member has been murdered. A heckler suggests she did it as she was seen with him on the night in question. As she vows to launch an investigation, bombs go off and gunfire erupts. A bullet grazes her shoulder.

c) Hero convenes the council and a committee is formed to investigate the murder. The way the meeting goes has the Hero suspecting the transparency that she believed in is being manipulated.

d) The Villain worms his way onto this committee of five councilors. As per the rules, the three councilors (Hero, Villain and three other) must be temporarily removed from the day-to-day decision-making.

e) After hours the Hero goes on the hunt for incriminating evidence and finds it. Only it’s sabotaged with poison.

f) The Villain breaks into her home and tampers with her robot so he can watch her.

g) The Villain claims he’s falling for the Hero and he wants to take the relationship to another level but when she refuses, he hires someone to attack her and kidnap her.

h) The Hero turns to an ally living outside the glass society to go undercover for her, but his cover is blown and is nearly killed.

i) The committee confronts a high-ranking official who warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions that she’s the murderer.

j) Assassination attempt because the poison didn’t kill her as she discovers the antidote in time.

k) Betrayal within the ranks when she discovers her robot has been compromised. All her evidence has gone missing.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned is to just relax and brainstorm – it can always be changed later!

Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?<div>

The Villain wants to be in charge of the “glass”
society.

How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become
the mysteries.

Mystery 1: Who
killed the council member?

Mystery 2: How
was it done with transparency camera’s everywhere?

Mystery 3:
Where was the council member’s personal robot?

Mystery 4: Is
the Administrator the murderer?

The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.

A senior member of the ruling council is murdered. In
a society with transparency camera’s everywhere – how is that possible?
The Hero must launch an investigation.

Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the
next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.

Secret 1: The Villain murdered the council member.

Cover up 1: The transparency cameras must be glitching.

Secret 2: The Villain is trying to pin the murder on the Hero.

Cover up 2: He offers to help her with the investigation.

Secret 3: The Villain is working each member of the council separately to discredit the system and the Hero.

Cover up 3: With the investigation going nowhere fast, the Villain stands up for the Hero saying the investigation is complex.

Secret 4: The Villain murders another council member.

Cover up 4: The Hero starts investigating without the Villain.

Secret 5: The Hero goes for help to a community that lives outside the transparency community.

Cover up 5: The person coming to help her poses as her brother from another transparency community.

Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.</div>

Mystery 1: Who killed the council member?

The Hero had a personal relationship with the council
member.
The Hero had dinner with the council member that
night. Did she do it?
In the archives is an obscure text that suggests how
you can get away with murder in a transparency society.
The Hero is in such shock she acts guilty.
In reviewing the camera feed, the Hero discovers a
person running from the scene – is it real?

Mystery 2: How
was it done with transparency camera’s everywhere?

The Hero pulls up the code behind the transparency
cameras – but doesn’t see anything unusual.
Discovers the person running from the scene is a
manipulation of the code.
The Hero shows the code to the Villain and he
confirms there is no problem with the code – someone’s lying.
She tries to contact the inventor of these types of
cameras but discovers he’s dead.

Mystery 3:
Where is the council member’s personal robot?

Everyone who lives in the transparency society has a
personal robot, so what happened to the council member’s?
Did the robot do the deed and covered it up?
Why does the surveillance camera not have the robot
in it for 24 hours?
If the robot has gone rouge what will it do next and
who else is at risk?

Mystery 4: Is
the Administrator the murderer?

The Administrator (Hero) believes deeply in the
ideals of the transparency society, making it easy to manipulate her,
which the Villain does using sex, which she declines, and then drugs.
When she challenges the Villain, he produces tech
experts to “demonstrate” that there has been no tampering with the code.
As more and more council members look at the
Administrator suspiciously, she must seek help from an unlikely source
to help her prove her innocence.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Villain Has a Great Plan!

What I learned doing this assignment brainstorm ways
to make the Villain as ruthless as possible in achieving his goal by asking the
questions.<div>

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

What is the end goal?

GOAL: To put himself in charge of the “glass” society.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

INTRIGUE: Has access and the expertise to turn all cameras off but make it look like they’re still working. Uses and disposes of his inner circle when they’ve served their purpose. Lies and manipulations.

How can they cover it up?

COVERS SECRETS: Hides his plan of taking over the “glass” society. Secret team of killers who live off-the-grid.

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

A. Kill a senior member of the ruling council.

B. Manipulated the transparency cameras to make it look like the senior member died a natural death.

C. An investigation is launched determining the death is murder – but how did that happen with all those cameras on everyone?

D. Partner himself with the Administrator’s (hero) investigation to steer it the way he wants it to go.

E. Psychologically manipulate the Administrator to force her to doubt her own mind.

F. Kill anyone who gets in the way, making it look like the transparency cameras are glitching.

G. Call the selection committee to have the Administrator placed on leave.

I. Manipulate the selection committee to have himself deemed Administrator.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Subject: Monica’s BI Stacking Suspense

BASIC INSTINCT

3. Make a list of everything you learned in the process that can help you write stronger thrillers. The Stacking Suspense Chart covers most of the scenes, so you can just keep track as you watch the movie.

4. Give us a list of the things you learned about Thrillers as you did this assignment.

– Layered tension – violence, sexual violence, drugs, alcohol all add to the tension

– Several twists – ie. Who’s Roxy? Who’s Hazel? Catherine seems to be sleeping with anyone with two legs who are murderers.

– Both Catherine and Beth are expert manipulators making me wonder if they are mirror images of the same character, the same type of personality – one slightly more evil than the other – playing out in two characters.

– The opening scene and the final scene have the same theme or intrigue. Making one wonder if Catherine really didn’t have something to do with the rock stars murder with the final image of the ice pick underneath the bed.

– Strong turning points

– Anticipatory dialogue

– Hinting at Nick’s obsessive, addictive behavior

– The Captain throws up obstacles to Nick every time he’s on camera defending Catherine which makes the audience wonder how much he had to do with selling Nick’s file to her.

– Sub-text; playing games; sub-plot of how Catherine got Nick’s file

– The design of Catherine’s character to be just as psychologically disturbed as Nick.

– Catherine seems to need people to like her – which seems to propel her toward whether or not she could get away with anything.

– Catherine’s “friends” are all murderers!

– Open ended questions

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Subject: Monica’s SOTL Stacking Suspense

THE BOURNE IDENTITY and fill in the Stacking Suspense Chart.

Give us a detailed list of the things you learned from doing this process that can help you write stronger thrillers.

– While Jason struggles to discover who he is the CIA sets out to find out why Wombosi is still alive and what happened to Jason – switch back and forth between Jason’s struggles and the CIA until the ultimate showdown.

– Insert twists – at the end when another assassin takes out the CIA leader because the hit was authorized by the old man

– Intrigue – Jason has the same skills as the assassins sent to kill him

– Stakes – Jason’s life, and that of Marie’s, is at risk unless he discovers who he is and what he is prevails throughout the movie

– The red herring is John Michael Kane which turns out to be Jason Bourne

– Hints throughout about who Jason might be, his martial arts moves, his weapons use, his strategic thinking – which is his character’s mystery.

– He maybe a trained assassin but he has a soft side to him which balances the violence and starts him on the journey when he can’t complete his mission because Wombosi is with his young child.

– Tension because he seems to know when the other assassins are close by; running from the police; taunting the CIA.

– The whole mystery throughout is: Who is Jason Bourne?

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s World and Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is that in a thriller each character must have the MIS as part of their make-up.

CONCEPT: After the last war to end all wars, the One World government must act with total transparency, as must all citizens, until rogue forces find a way to mask the transparency and manipulate decisions for their benefit.

Big Mystery: Who is orchestrating the manipulation of the transparent
decision-making process and what is their end game?

Big Intrigue: Who is trying to stop the Protagonist from delving into the discrepancies of the decision-making process by leaving her clues and threats to stop her digging?

Big Suspense: Death threats, sabotage and pressure from those who want to silence the Protagonist as she gets closer and closer to exposing the conspiracy.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.

Post-apocalyptic one world government that must make decisions with total transparency. The OWG must convene in transparent chambers, visible to the public at all times, as they debate and make decisions that shape the World. The catch, all Citizens are subject to the same transparency laws.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

Hero: Livia Brady, Administrator, ensures that the transparency laws are being followed by the OWG.

Mystery: Once she realizes her naiveté, how does she discover who’s behind the manipulation of the decision-making and transparency laws.

Suspense: She must find and enlist the help of the leader of a group of rogue Citizens who refuse to live inside the transparency confines.

Intrigue: Will she get hurt or killed for exposing the conspiracy.

Villain: Senator Ricky Green

Mystery: How is he manipulating the decision-making to get around the transparency laws? Will he kill Livia to take over the government?

Suspense: He’s a master manipulator and somehow evaded execution for his previous corruption and managed to survive the war. He is setting Livia up to take the fall because of her belief that this new system of government works.

Intrigue: Everything he does is covert and has a small team of like-minded senators implementing his plan.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Big M.I.S.

What I learned doing this assignment is to think about the big picture thriller concepts without the details.

Logline:

After the last war to end all wars, the One World government must act with total transparency, as must all citizens, until rogue forces find a way to mask the transparency and manipulate decisions for their benefit.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting
but Resourceful Hero: Administrator Livia Brady
Dangerous<div>

Villain: Senator Ricky
Green

High
stakes: Order vs Chaos; Idealism to Disillusionment

Life
and death situations: Exposing the OWG has reverted back to corruption and
greed and the threat it poses to the Protagonist.

This
story is thrilling because? Raises questions about the nature of power and
the potential for extreme violence to maintain or return to the status quo
of deeply entrenched social structures. No thinking outside the box.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main
mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?</div>

Who is orchestrating the
manipulation of the transparent decision-making process and what is their
end game?

Big
Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live
under the surface for most of the movie?

Who
is trying to stop the Protagonist from delving into the discrepancies of
the decision-making process by leaving her clues and threats to stop her digging?

Big
Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to
escalate throughout the script?

Death threats, sabotage and
pressure from those who want to silence the Protagonist as she gets
closer and closer to exposing the conspiracy.

[Monica Arisman]

GROUP RELEASE FORM

I, Monica Arisman, as a member of this group, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

Monica Arisman

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Everyone,

1. My name is Monica Arisman.

2. How many scripts you’ve written? I’ve written 6 scripts. One TV pilot.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To gain more knowledge to apply to some thriller ideas that I have.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: POLAR Thriller Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is how to break down a thriller movie using the model making it easy to understand how to write one.

Watch the movie and as you do, note the conventions of THIS story.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero:
Duncan
Dangerous<div>

Villain: Mr. Blut

High stakes: Assassins on the verge of retirement are
killed so the company doesn’t have to pay their pension.

Life and death situations: They
send Duncan on one last job but they are setting him up to be killed.

This movie is thrilling
because?

It shows the methodical way
the assassins sent to kill Duncan go about finding him. How he figures it
out and ends up killing them all in the end.
Betrayal by a friend that ends
up with Duncan captured and tortured.
Twist: Camille, at the end, is
a survivor from one of his jobs and she wants to kill him.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: Who is Camille
really?</div>

Big Intrigue: Kills retiring
assassins so he doesn’t have to pay their pension.

Big Suspense: Main danger is
Duncan’s fellow assassins.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Perfect Wordsmithing

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of working through the draft backwards. I’ve resisted that exercise before but did it this time.

In previous drafts, I’ve had FINAL DRAFT read it to me. This time I’ve went through it backwards. And was able to tighten up this draft significantly. Removed more pronouns, “and’s”, re-tooled some of the dialogue.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Precise Description

What I learned doing this assignment is the guidelines helped me tighten up even more description to keep the script flowing.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Key Scene Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement.

1. Go to each structure point and make sure it honors its purpose and highlights the most important dramatic experience.

Opening

Inciting Incident

Act 1 Turning Point

Midpoint – Brainstorm a stronger mid-point.

Act 2 Turning Point

Climax

Resolution

Final Scene – This is very emotional but I think it could be stronger still.

2. Go to each Reveal and make sure each of these is as strong as possible.

There’s a couple of reveals that could be stronger – so I’ll rewrite those.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Intros/Exits

What I learned doing this assignment is to consider introducing my main characters a different way.

CURRENT Character Introductions

Victoria Williams – Protagonist

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

VICTORIA WILLIAMS, mid-20s, attractive, responsible, picks up one of the drinks. Sniffs. Sets the drink back down.

Jack Baker – Antagonist

JACK BAKER, late-20s, well-dressed, stands up. Makes his way to the girls table. Followed by the rest of the MEN. They approach the girls table.

NEW CHARACTER BEGINNINGS

Victoria Williams – Protagonist – Character Philosophy

VICTORIA WILLIAMS, mid-20s, adjusts her pony tail. Very attractive, outwardly confident, responsible. Being a beat cop will do that to a person. Suspicious is her middle name. And you get one chance to prove you’re worth her time.

Jack Baker – Antagonist – Other Character’s reaction to this character

JACK BAKER, late-20s, struts his way to the girls table like a peacock in heat. He’s well-dressed. Perfectly coiffed. Overly confident. He also smells…of…too many drugs. Victoria recoils. Pushes away from the table.

Character Endings – I’ve spent a lot of time on this ending.

EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Victoria is kidnapped.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jack has Victoria stripped down and hanging from ropes. He’s beaten her. Now he wants to kill her once and for all.

As Jack peruses the how to do it from his wall of weapons. Victoria uses her last bit of energy to kick him into a battle axe. Jack hangs dead on the wall.

VICTORIA

Rest in peace you mother-fucker!

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Unique Character Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is there is still improvements to be made even though I’ve lived with these characters for a long time.

Once you’ve completed your Protagonist and Antagonist, tell us how much improvement you feel it made to their dialogue and give us three examples of “before and after” for each character.

1. Because I wanted more sexual tension between the Protagonist and her secondary character, I added this dialogue when he picked her up after she disappeared on an undercover mission.

Daniel stares out the window.

DANIEL

We’re supposed to be partners. We need that level of trust to develop or there’ll be consequences neither of us will like.

VICTORIA

I know. And I’m trying. But I was a beat cop for a long time. Alone. It takes a while to change.

(beat)

Besides I don’t know where you and I stand with each other since you kissed me.

Daniel stares into space. Nods.

DANIEL

We should table that for after the mission. Sex tends to make a mess of things.

VICTORIA

No one said anything about sex.

DANIEL

Right.

(beat)

Learn anything today?

2. The Protagonist has been betrayed by the Antagonist’s secondary character.

Before:

JACK

The Lost Kitten was raided. My mother’s house was broken into. You tell my mother I killed those guys.

VICTORIA

And this is my fault?

JACK

You told me you called the cops.

VICTORIA

Not that time.

JACK

What?! Who broke into my mother’s house?

VICTORIA

How the hell do I know?

Victoria struggles against her bonds.

Jack slaps her. Leans close to her ear.

JACK

I’m going to teach you a lesson.

VICTORIA

Like the last lesson you tried to teach me. What five minutes ago? When you had to have someone help you?

After:

JACK

The Lost Kitten was raided. My mother’s house was broken into. You tell my mother I killed those guys.

VICTORIA

You did kill them. So how is this is my fault?

JACK

Of course, it’s your fault. You’re the newest variable.

(beat)

And you’re an undercover cop. Whose name is Victoria Williams.

VICTORIA

(smirks)

Well done. And how pray tell do you know that?

JACK

Because your little sister told me.

Victoria struggles against her bonds.

VICTORIA

What are you talking about?

Jack slaps her. Leans close to her ear.

JACK

Your sister, Lizzie. Is my partner.

VICTORIA

WHAT?!

Jack smirks. To Sean and the GOON.

JACK

You two out.

(to Victoria)

You betrayed me and now I’m going to teach you a lesson.

VICTORIA

Like the last lesson you tried to teach me. What five minutes ago? When you had to have someone help you?

Jack hits her again.

VICTORIA

You’re going to pay for that. You pathetic, failure of a man.

Jack hits her again. Stands with his legs on each side of Victoria. Rubs his crotch. Unzips his pants. Fondles her breast. Smirks. She smirks back.

JACK

I’m going to enjoy this.

VICTORIA

Did Lizzie also tell you about my skill set?

JACK

What skill set?

VICTORIA

That’d be telling.

(beat)

Tell me how long have you been screwing your mother?

Jack winds up to slap her again but…

Victoria brings her knee up. Catches him in the groin. Head butts him. He falls to the floor.

3. I’ve moved this scene to the beginning to set up some sexual tension between the Protagonist and her secondary character. They are just meeting for the first time. It also, introduces most of the main characters.

Before:

INT. GYM – LATER

Starts to kick the bag.

A door opens. Daniel wends his way across the room to where she is beating up the bag. He leans back against the ring.

DANIEL

Hardly a fair fight. The bag can’t fight back.

Victoria gives the bag one swift roundhouse kick. Turns to face him. She’s breathing hard.

VICTORIA

Well tough guy. Let’s go.

DANIEL

I didn’t come here to fight you.

VICTORIA

Then why are you here?

DANIEL

Robert isn’t happy that Serena is going with you undercover.

Victoria shrugs. Wipes sweat from her face with her arm.

VICTORIA

I don’t think Jack realizes how deep undercover she is.

DANIEL

Then she should be safe.

VICTORIA

Unlike me. Since you blew my cover.

DANIEL

(shrugs)

Couldn’t be helped.

(beat)

Leah and Misty want to help.

VICTORIA

Really! No. It’s too dangerous.

She strides past him taking off her gloves.

DANIEL

Officer Trippet is giving them some self-defense lessons.

(beat)

Nice view.

Victoria turns and drops him to the floor. She jumps down and wrenches his arm behind his back.

VICTORIA

Convinced that I’m ready to return to action?

Daniel nods. She hops up. Jogs to the change room.

After:

INT. BOXING GYM – DAY

A door opens. Victoria glances over.

Enter SERENA CASH, mid-30s, beautiful, black, strong, dark glasses. Pushes the glasses onto the top of her head.

Followed by, SUPERINTENDENT ROBERT TETRAULT, late-50’s, grizzled, bald. Built like a tank. Café au lait skin tone.

And, INSPECTOR DANIEL FORD, tall, 40s, muscular, dark hair, dark eyes.

DANIEL

That her?

SERENA

It is.

(to Victoria)

Got your text. So here we are.

Victoria waves.

Serena, Robert and Daniel wind their way around the ring to where Victoria beats up the bag.

Gives the bag a swift roundhouse kick. Turns to face them. Breathing hard. Sweat pools at her feet. Daniel looks her up and down. Serena runs over to a pile of towels.

Victoria cocks her head to the side. Hands on hips. Takes a step…

VICTORIA

Who are you?

DANIEL

Inspector Daniel Ford. Your partner and team lead on this mission.

ROBERT

I’m Superintendent Robert Tetrault. I run the human trafficking division of the Toronto Police Service. I’ll be running interference between us and the RCMP.

Victoria bumps her glove against Daniel and Robert’s fists.

Serena throws Victoria a towel.

VICTORIA

Thanks.

SERENA

So good to see you. Have you met these guys?

VICTORIA

We introduced ourselves.

(to Daniel)

Want to go?

DANIEL

We’re not here to box.

VICTORIA

Are you scared?

DANIEL

Maybe another time.

VICTORIA

Now’s a good time. I like to take the measure of my partners.

(beat)

Let’s go.

ROBERT

Yeah, Daniel. Let’s see what you got.

Daniel removes his shoes and socks. Victoria runs to the equipment shelves. Returns with a set of gloves and helmet. Throws them to Daniel.

They enter the ring. Daniel pulls on the gloves. Plops the helmet on his head.

Victoria and Daniel circle each other.

VICTORIA

Why are you here?

DANIEL

To meet you. The RCMP briefed us this morning on the country-wide Strategic Trafficking Action Response Taskforce force.

VICTORIA

Did they emphasize that this mission is first and foremost an RCMP undercover op?

DANIEL

Perfectly. But I have to wonder why? Since we’ve already done years of infiltrating this particular human trafficking ring. Serena is a trusted member of the ring now.

VICTORIA

I know. But an RCMP op provides more leeway in dealing with the perps.

Victoria lashes out with a kick. Daniel catches her foot. Drops her to the mat. Stands over top of her.

Daniel extends his hand. Victoria reluctantly grabs it. He pulls her to her feet. They circle one another again.

DANIEL

How so?

VICTORIA

It’s a strategy that has been very successful in bringing down other major crimes perps. Act more like a bad guy than a good guy. Lie, use trickery, whatever dubious thing you can think of.

PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. Dance apart.

ROBERT

When do you start?

VICTORIA

Serena’s introducing me to the brains behind the targeted human trafficking ring.

Victoria kicks out.

DANIEL

I thought this was just a boxing bout.

VICTORIA

Why would you think that?

DANIEL

I’m not wearing the right clothes for kickboxing.

VICTORIA

You’re never wearing the right clothes when a fight shows up.

DANIEL

And you get into a lot of fights don’t you.

VICTORIA

What does that mean?

PUNCH. KICK. PUNCH.

DANIEL

I know all about the lone wolf stuff. But I’m still wondering why now?

They circle each other.

VICTORIA

Just don’t get in my way. I’m catching that bastard Jack Baker this time.

ROBERT

Funny thing is. He’s not the brains behind the human trafficking. He’s just the monkey.

Victoria turns to Serena and Robert.

VICTORIA

So who’s the organ grinder?

SERENA

His mother. Beatrice. We’re meeting her tonight.

Daniel takes advantage. Sweeps her legs out from under her. Straddles her. With her arms over her head. They stare at each other. Sparks fly!

Daniel leans close to her ear.

DANIEL

If women want to be cops you need to know how to take care of yourself.

VICTORIA

Meaning?

DANIEL

Never. Ever. Lose your focus.

(beat)

Cookie.

VICTORIA

You always call someone you don’t know names?

Daniel shrugs. Jumps up. Hops out of the ring. Grabs a towel. Pats himself down as he watches Victoria roll up.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is to think outside the box. I have several scenes where the undercover team meet and plan their next move. Had to figure out how to make those more interesting.

Tell us the numbers of the scenes and how you expressed the meaning through action:

Scene 13: Meaning: Victoria and Serena meet the head of the human trafficking ring, Beatrice, in a hotel bar. Action: More action could be expressed if men who know Beatrice come over during their meeting and they swear they know Victoria also.

Scene 16: Meaning: In the car after the meeting, Victoria and Serena discuss how the meeting went. Action: More action could be expressed if they are being followed and need to lose their tail.

Scene 51: Meaning: Victoria and Daniel are eating at a bar discussing the case. Action: This is where I want to put more sexual tension between the two as I’ve set it up previously.

Scene 65: Meaning: Victoria and Daniel are staking out where some of the kidnapped women are. Action: More sexual tension but a “customer” shows up, they’re going to take him down.

Scene 82: Meaning: Daniel has to reassert his authority with Victoria and Serena after they went rogue. Action: Victoria and Serena are cleaning their guns when there’s a knock at the door and another officer is there telling them the auction of the women is going down – they spring into action.

Scene 86: Meaning: Arrest and process the men of influence in Toronto who were caught using the services of the trafficked women. Action: An enterprising reporter gets past the guards and starts taking pictures of them, including Robert.

Need to elevate the 3 times there are “planning” scenes for the mission.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from doing this assignment is to go through and find those scenes that are less than entertaining and elevate them through this process.

Your job for this assignment is to use this process and experience a success with it.

1. From your script, select a scene that would benefit from a more compelling scene structure. Place it at the top of the page, then do the rest of the steps below in order.

I’ve chosen my boxing scene. In this scene, the protagonist has just arrived back in the city, to meet her undercover team.

2. List the components of the scene and what you are trying to accomplish.

What I am trying to accomplish with this scene? To meet the undercover team. The protagonist knows one of the members because they’re long-time friends. But the other one will be her partner and her boss for this mission. To set-up that Victoria is an expert in various forms of self-defense and that she likes to work alone.

The original scene:

Beginning:
Serena (TC) and Daniel (SCP) enter the boxing gym to see Victoria (P)
working out.
Middle: Victoria challenges Daniel for a go
around in the ring. He declines.<div>

Ending:
Victoria says she’s going after Jack (A) and Daniel better not get in the
way.

3. Imagine the scene being played out through three or more of the 11 scene structures listed above and write a version of the ones you like through the structure.

Irony

Beginning:
Serena and Daniel enter the boxing gym to see Victoria working out.</div><div>

Middle:
Victoria challenges Daniel for a go
around in the ring. He declines.

Ending: It’s a well-matched fight. But Daniel
ends up the winner. Victoria has to accept they’re all in it together.

Misinterpretation

Beginning:
Serena and Daniel enter the boxing gym to see Victoria working out.</div><div>

Middle: Victoria challenges Daniel for a go
around in the ring. He accepts. Victoria smirks thinking since she’s done
this forever, he hasn’t got a snow ball’s chance.

Ending: It’s a well-matched fight. But Victoria
ends up the winner. Daniel misinterpreted that Victoria is a superior
fighter because she’s a woman!

Suspense

Beginning:
Serena and Daniel enter the boxing gym to see Victoria working out.</div><div>

Middle: Victoria challenges Daniel for a go
around in the ring. He accepts. The “duke” it out.
Ending: It’s a well-matched fight. Daniel and
Victoria end up on the mat. And the sparks fly setting up a sub-plot for
romance!

4. Make your choice of the new scene structure and rewrite the scene. I choose the suspense since I need to set up the romance sub-plot. This is the place to do it.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 12: Rate Your Script’s Entertainment Value ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is where I have to improve and re-write scenes, combine scenes, and/or delete scenes.

1. Number the scenes in your script. That way, you can easily refer to the scenes you want to change.

2. Opening Image: E8

Inciting Incident: E8

Twist: E7

Turning Pt: E7

Act 2: E7

Twist: E8

Twist: E7

Turning Pt: E7

Plan in Action: E7

Mid-point/TP: E9

Act 3: E7

Climax: E9

Twist: E8

Act 4: E9

Resolution: E7

Final Scene: E9

3. Tell us your interpretation of the ratings – I’ve re-written this so many times with feedback from producers that I knew where I still had some work to do.

Which of the scenes do you already know you want to improve? There seems to be a beat discrepancy so I’ll work on those.

Were there any that surprised you? Some of the ones I’ve come up with in this course need elevating.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Outline to Script!

What I learned doing this assignment is that the outline is a very useful tool to help you focus your thoughts on re-writing a script. I found it very useful considering I rarely have used an outline.

New Scenes: 18

Changed Scenes: 40

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Outline Exchange #1

I am ready to exchange my outline.

[Monica Arisman]

Monica’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is to see if I can use more than one Interest Technique per scene.

Changes I made:

More investigation of where the human trafficking ring is getting it’s victims – Mystery, suspense, surprise.

Several betrayals – The protagonist, Victoria, is looking for her sister. Lizzie, who was kidnapped by the antagonist, Jack – Lizzie betrays Victoria, then betrays Jack; Victoria betrays another undercover officer – all putting Victoria in danger – uncertainty, surprise because Lizzie has been an integral part of the human trafficking ring

Victoria goes off on her own leaving her undercover team and taking a big risk – uncertainty

Victoria unmasks a key figure and the competition – Twists, betrayals, uncertainty

I’ve made several others based on brainstorming and light bulb moments!

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Elevates Lead Characters!

What I learned from doing this assignment is to brainstorm ways to elevate the four lead characters to make them more edgy and more uncomfortable as the movie progresses.

A. Need Stronger Lead
Characters:

· Victoria – Protagonist: Why is this story about them? This story is about them because she was with her sister, Lizzie, when Lizzie was kidnapped and she could not stop the kidnapping.

How do they engage us? She
engages us as she sets out on her journey of finding her sister after
discovering Lizzie was probably taken by a human trafficking ring.<div>

How do they create conflict?
Conflict is created, internally – by exploring her wound of guilt; and,
externally – by engaging the antagonist, Jack who turns out to be the
human trafficker who took Lizzie.

How do they payoff on the
concept powerfully? This journey is about Victoria and her quest to find
Lizzie. As an undercover cop she takes the plunge into the insidious
world of human trafficking.

What change to the characters
would make a big difference in the quality of the story? Exploring her
wound and how it affects the decisions she makes undercover.

Jack – Antagonist: A slimy,
drug addict who’s gotten rich off the avails of human trafficking and
thinks nothing can touch him.

How do they engage us? He’s a chameleon.
At first charming and exciting. But as the movie progresses he becomes
the slime he really is.

How do they create conflict?
Conflict is created, internally – by showing his arrogance and hubris
through his actions, the way he treats people; and, externally – by engaging
the protagonist, basically taunting Victoria as he discovers that she’s
Lizzie’s sister.

How do they payoff on the
concept powerfully? Jack’s ability to charm potential victims. And his
effect on Victoria.

What change to the characters
would make a big difference in the quality of the story? Showing how his
drug addiction is starting to break down the human trafficking ring
playing into Victoria’s hands.

Lizzie – Supporting Character to
the Antagonist: This is the biggest change I’ve made. Instead of having
her being kept as Jack’s sex slave, I’ve promoted her to his right hand
woman.

How do they engage us? At
first, we think she’s another victim when we see her kidnapping. But
later on she’s really the only one that can keep Jack in line taking over
that role from his mother.

How do they create conflict?
Conflict is created because Lizzie sees an opportunity to take over the
ring as Jack spirals deeper into his drug addiction. But what to do about
Victoria?
How do they payoff on the
concept powerfully? Victoria believes that Lizzie is a victim until the
Mid-point when it’s revealed that Lizzie is part of the human trafficking
ring. This sends Victoria in another direction, story wise, mentally and
emotionally.

What change to the characters would make a big difference in the quality of the story? The change I’ve made elevating her character from victim to player and its effect on Victoria.

B. Need Stronger Character
Intros – The story begins with action with all the above players involved.</div><div>

C. Playing it Too Safe:
Potential Risks for Victoria,
Protagonist, that could be considered:

o Going dark – severs communication with her undercover team potentially compromising her safety;

o Betraying a Fellow Officer – to maintain her cover, she betrays Serena which risks damaging their relationship and creates internal cover for Victoria;

o A Desperate Bargain – to maintain cover and gain leverage within the trafficking ring, she takes a risky gamble by making a deal with a dangerous criminal, putting her life on the line in exchange for crucial information.

· Potential Risks for Jack, Antagonist, that could be considered:

o Increased Paranoia – continued cocaine use enhances his paranoia leading him to mistrust his partners and causing rifts within the trafficking organization.

o Compromises Security – he becomes lax in seeing to the security of the victims which would make it easier for the undercover team to infiltrate and/or disrupt the operation by rescuing the victims.

o Increased Susceptibility to Blackmail: He’s vulnerable to potential blackmail which can lead to compromised secrets or leverage that could expose the trafficking operation.

D. Lead Characters Not Present:
Lead characters are present in every scene in the outline.</div><div>

4. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the outline, yet.

A. Elevate Victoria’s wound and her risk taking in trying to find her sister.

B. Elevate Jack’s drug addiction and its impact on his decision making with respect to the operation.

C. Make Beatrice (the brains) less effective as Lizzie takes Beatrice’s place by her manipulation of Jack and potential elimination of Jack.

D. Victoria betrays Serena all in the line of undercover duty and her devotion to Lizzie.

E. Victoria goes dark severing ties to the undercover team sending Daniel into panic mode as he tries to reconnect with her.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Solves Major Problems!

What I learned doing this assignment is to look at the four core elements in the script and elevate them.

A. Need Stronger
Transformational Journey: I know this is the number one problem of the
script. It was pointed out to be my by a couple of producers when they
read the script.

Arc: Protagonist chases after
the men who have taken her sister and her friends to arresting her sister
for trafficking in humans (that’s what they call it in Canada).<div>

B. Need Stronger Conflict: The external conflict is now elevated
because the protagonist has been identified, so her cover is broken. The
internal conflict nearly destroys the protagonist when she discovers her
sister is part of the ring and forces her to change.

C. Need Stronger Opening: Car chase after the antagonist.

D. Need Stronger Ending: Instead of rescuing her sister, the
protagonist now has to arrest her sister in the human trafficking ring.

Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the outline, yet.

The protagonist’s sister is now the supporting character to the antagonist. Instead of the sister just being a victim of human trafficking, she now is a player in the ring.

Opening image is now a car chase by the protagonist after the antagonist takes her sister and her friends.

Ending image is now the protagonist arresting her sister.

There’s a scene when the antagonist kidnaps the protagonist and is going to “make her pay”. This is now going to incorporate the antagonist informing the protagonist he knows who she really is and introducing the sister as his associate. Her cover is blown and the shock of finding her sister as part of the ring throws the movie into another direction. This will be the new Mid-point.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is to plug all the brainstorming ideas into the structure and hope I know how to plug them into the outline and then the script.

2. Go to the previous lessons where you completed each of these steps:

A. Deliver on the pitch.

NEW: An undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to discover her sister has been a willing participant and second in command of the human traffickers all these years.

B. Match your 4-Act structure.

Act 1:

Opening
Image: Victoria, Lizzie and her friends are enjoying a night out at a
club.<div>

Inciting
Incident: Victoria leaves the
table. When she returns she witnesses Lizzie leaving the club with Jack.
Victoria races after them and chases them through the streets only to lose
them after her car breaks down. (NEW)

Turning
Point: Victoria infiltrates Jack’s
human trafficking ring but ends up being arrested by the police after they
raid the club. We discover, who turns out to be Lizzie, in the shadows as
one of the traffickers. (NEW)

Act 2:

New
plan: Victoria needs more
information about Jack.</div><div>

Plan
in action: Breaks into his
hide-away – to steal information. Follows Jack. Interview the girls
rescued from the club.

Midpoint
Turning Point: One of the girls is
murdered right in front of Victoria by Lizzie. Only Victoria arrests the
wrong girl. (NEW)

Act 3:

Rethink
everything: Victoria knows that
Jack is responsible for Lizzie’s disappearance. Need to push Jack to make
a mistake. Victoria tries to discover who’s following her.</div><div>

New
plan: Victoria travels with Jack to
procure more girls. Investigate the country clubs where girls are also
being trafficked. Robert holds a party with other society officials with
drugs, alcohol and rape of the trafficked girls. (NEW & TWIST) Serena
knows this is happening but doesn’t tell Victoria and Daniel. (NEW)

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
Jack suspects Victoria so he kidnaps her to add to the trafficked
girls. Only to discover she’s more than she appears and ends up beating
him up. This is where Victoria re-connects with Lizzie. The shock gets her
shot by Lizzie. (NEW &TWIST)

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Victoria goes back undercover for the big
party where the girls will be sold. But even in disguise Jack sees her and
decides to rid himself of Victoria. He takes her to his apartment where he
tortures her. But again she turns the tables and kills him with the last
bit of her strength. Showdown with Lizzie and Serena. (NEW)
Resolution:
The trafficking ring is destroyed. Lizzie is arrested by Victoria.
Victoria is recovering and now can have a relationship with Daniel as her
mission is accomplished.</div><div>

C. Strong on Genre Conventions. Action Conventions – Check. Added some Thriller Conventions: Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense & Life & Death Situations.

D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles. Added Lizzie.

A.
Name: Lizzie Williams (Victoria’s
(P) sister)
B.
Role in the Story: Supporting
Character to the Antagonist – she’s part of the human trafficking ring.
C.
Core Traits: Smart, flexible,
ruthless, greedy
D.
Motivation: Want/Need: Want – Money. Need – to be her own woman.
E.
Flaw/Wound: Flaw –Victoria. Wound – Betraying Victoria.
F.
Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret – She was abused by an uncle. Hidden Agenda –
To get as much money as she can and start again somewhere far away.
G.
Internal Dilemma: Regrets losing Victoria’s love and support. But no one
rescued her from her uncle’s abuse so now people are going to pay.
H.
What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Adds a
layer of conflict that Victoria doesn’t realize until she comes face to
face with her sister.

A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? Make her hesitate when she confronts Victoria.

B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? She’s suffering from Stockholm syndrome and actually believes she was abused.

E.
Build in each Character’s Story Line. Check.</div><div>

4. Tell us the improvements this made to your outline:

Lizzie is now a major player on the Antagonist’s side. She’s part of the human trafficking ring’s “management”.

Show how human trafficking is at all levels of society: government, church, military, etc. Goes much deeper than local officials. Through a cult-like sex party.

Show the victims in cages, being auctioned off, passed around.

Insert the basic categories of the action genre.

Insert elements of thriller, ie. life & death situations, mystery/intrigue/suspense.

Insert methods of cover-up.

Jack/Lizzie taunt Victoria via computer.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment, I had a major breakthrough and have decided to demote a character and elevate another character. This will give, not only a twist, but a major obstacle to the protagonist. (I hope!!!)

VICTORIA WILLIAMS – Protagonist

Beginning: A slightly, naïve uniformed cop
promoted to undercover and taking the lead in uncovering the head of a
human trafficking ring.<div>

Inciting Incident: Her sister is kidnapped from a club they
were at while Victoria was in the ladies.

Turning Point 1:
She infiltrates the HTR but it’s raided and she’s arrested.

Midpoint: One of the rescued
girls is murdered right in front of her.

Turning Point 2: Discovers her
sister Lizzie is alive. And that she’s the one in charge of the ring. (CHANGE & TWIST)

Dilemma: Victoria is conflicted. She will have to arrest Lizzie
along with Jack. Doesn’t want to face that Lizzie has been a willing
participant.

Major Conflict: Victoria is kidnapped, tortured and
about to be killed when she kills in return.
Ending: Bruised but not broken.
Must deal with the fallout of Lizzie’s betrayal.

JACK BAKER – Antagonist

Beginning: A slimy, douche bag
that has gotten rich off the avails of human trafficking. Thinks nothing
can touch him.</div><div>

Inciting Incident: “Kidnaps” Lizzie and her friends for his
friends to play with.

Turning Point 1: Can’t
believe that the club was raided by the police.

Midpoint: Begins to suspect Victoria
isn’t what she seems – kidnaps Victoria.

Turning Point 2: Jack must
source more girls. Take Victoria along and try to kill her (CHANGE)
Dilemma: Everything is spinning out of control
and he’s looking for someone to blame.

Major Conflict: Kidnaps Victoria and tortures her.

Ending: Victoria kills him.

INSPECTOR DANIEL FORD – SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE PROTAGONIST

Beginning: Tough, emotionally unavailable, Toronto
Police Inspector who’s none too thrilled to be partnered with a first time
RCMP undercover detective. </div><div>

Inciting Incident: Meets Victoria at a boxing gym as she’s
beating the crap out of a heavy bag.
Turning Point 1: Arrests Victoria in the club raid because
she’s giving comfort to the rescued girls.

Midpoint: Panics when Victoria
goes missing.

Turning Point 2: Learns Jack is
the murderer of his dead fiancé.

Dilemma: Let the operation play out or suspend
Victoria from the operation.

Major Conflict: After sending Victoria into the climax,
learns about all the betrayals to the mission and hopes he’s not too late
to save Victoria.

Ending: With all his current
demons exorcised he wants to start a relationship with Victoria.

LIZZIE WILLIAMS – SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE ANTAGONIST (CHANGE)

Beginning: Naïve, spoiled, younger sister of
Victoria.</div><div>

Inciting Incident: Gets her and her friends “kidnapped” by
Jack.

Turning Point 1: Sticks to the shadows but thinks there’s
something familiar about Victoria.
Midpoint: Kills one of the
rescued girls.

Turning Point 2: Lures Victoria
to Jack’s hide-away and confronts her.

Dilemma: Is she suffering from Stockholm syndrome
all this time or is she her own woman.
Major Conflict: Abandon’s Jack and the ring and tries to
get out of town with the money.
Ending: Crime doesn’t pay. Victoria
arrests her and processes her as her father looks on.

SERENA CASH – TRIANGLE CHARACTER BETWEEN P & A

Beginning: Victoria’s childhood friend and
undercover cop with her own agenda.</div><div>

Inciting Incident: Introduces Daniel to Victoria. Then
Victoria to Jack.

Turning Point 1: Escapes the club raid to discover Jack
running away.

Midpoint: Serena and
Superintendent Robert are an item.

Turning Point 2: Discovers
Robert is utilizing the services of the trafficked women. And taking
money.

Dilemma: Bring Robert down or
let it play out and discover if any additional higher ups in society are utilizing
the trafficked services.

Major Conflict: Confronts
Robert and is offered lots of money to betray Victoria.

Ending: Dead.

Demoted Beatrice Baker to a minor role.

Re-tool Robert’s & Serena’s role.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment is I had some break-through’s with respect to not only the characters but how they can be presented in the script.

1. Create Character Profiles for each of your lead characters by filling in the blanks for these eight questions.

A. Name: Victoria Williams (RCMP)

B. Role in the Story: Victoria is the Protagonist who has
been searching for her missing sister (Lizzie) for years.

C. Core Traits: Alpha-female, self-reliant, ambitious,
loves her family

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want –
find her sister; Need – overcome her fear that her sister maybe dead.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – Doesn’t realize that she can be
more effective as a member of a team; Wound – Guilt that her indulgence of
her sister led to her disappearance.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret – just once, she’d like to be
loved for who she is; Hidden Agenda – plans on killing Jack Baker so he
never hurts another woman again.

G. Internal Dilemma: Her
inability to be a woman who is attractive to me because of she doesn’t
know how to be strong and vulnerable at the same time.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? Victoria will do whatever it takes
to find out what happened to her sister – love of family has always taken
precedence over love for self.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? She loves her job and feels this
underlying need to help people sometimes to the detriment of herself. She
suspects Jack is manipulating her but can’t really see it for herself.

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? I think Victoria could be
stronger in some areas of the story. But she is the driving force behind
the concept. She needs more of an arc – so maybe tough, driven,
undercover cop trying to find her sister to being vulnerable enough for a
love interest.

A. Name: Jack Baker

B. Role in the Story: Jack is the Antagonist who has gotten
rich off the avails of trafficking women.

C. Core Traits: Cruel, drug-addict that makes him make
stupid decisions, twisted, loyalty to his mother

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want –
to prove to his mother that he can be trusted to take the business to the
next level; Need – acceptance for who he is.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – the need
for more and more cocaine which makes him unstable and prone to bad business
decisions; Wound – losing his father at a young age.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret
– he has Lizzie as his sex slave; Hidden Agenda – wants Victoria as his
sex slave because he’s obsessed with her and will have to kill Lizzie.

G. Internal Dilemma: His need
for power and control versus acceptance from his mother.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? He’s bat shit crazy and blind to his
mother’s manipulation of the situation.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? As it stands now, Jack is too dependent
upon his mother. He needs to be more twisted and evil. Going rogue on his
mother. He’s afraid of strong women!

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? Needs to be in Victoria’s face
more and putting her in more danger.

A. Name: Inspector Daniel Ford (Toronto
Police)

B. Role in the Story: Triangle
Character who is Victoria’s superior in the operation/mission.

C. Core Traits: Self-disciplined, persistent, sees the
big picture, a gentleman.

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want – wants to make superintendent; Need
– to overcome his fear of abandonment and that he can’t protect a woman!

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – His feelings
towards Victoria start to get in the way; Wound – Lost the love of his
life to a horrific crime and can’t go through that again.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret
– he was partly to blame for the love of his life’s death; Hidden Agenda –
to find the murderer and deal with him (Twist – it’s Jack!!!)

G. Internal Dilemma: His
inability to let go and find happiness.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? He drives Victoria to discover the
truth even if it will hurt. To walk the fine line between trying to
protect her and letting her be the independent woman that she is.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? Daniel feels a bit too comfortable. He
needs to be concerned about Victoria.

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? I added the past love being
murdered by Jack which should drive Daniel to take more risks.

A. Name: Beatrice Baker

B. Role in the Story: Supporting Character – the brains behind
the human trafficking ring. Jack’s mother.

C. Core Traits: Greedy, optimistic, power hungry, soul-less

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want –
to get as rich as she can. Need – not to make a mistake so they are on the
police radar.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – her love
for Jack. She doesn’t see what a detriment he is to her want. Wound – Grew
up poor and abused; and, she refuses to ever experience that again.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret
– She killed her husband. Hidden Agenda – This is her last operation. Once
she gets rid of the next batch of girls, Jack’s going to have an accident.

G. Internal Dilemma: She’s lost
her soul and doesn’t realize it until it’s too late.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? She’s the woman and driving force
pushing Jack to do crazier and crazier things. Then she’s going to dispose
of him and “ride off into the sunset”.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? I added her killing of a husband to show
that she’s been a criminal a long time and gotten away with it.

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? She feels she’s going to get
away with this venture too and since this is her last operation, she’s
feels she has nothing to lose.

A. Name: Serena Cash (Toronto Police)

B. Role in the Story: Supporting Character – Victoria’s
childhood friend who also became a cop and has been undercover for years.

C. Core Traits: Flexible, tough, kind, intelligent

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want –
To help Victoria find Lizzie. Need – hopes Robert will take their
relationship to the next level.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – Jaded and
trusting. She doesn’t see what is right in front of her with Robert. Wound
– Knows what it’s like to be abused.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret
– She was raped and escaped before she could be trafficked. Hidden Agenda –
To kill Jack.

G. Internal Dilemma: Allowing
herself to be vulnerable enough to be loved.

H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? She has the ability to play both
sides of the game.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? Put in a backstory to drive her in this
story.

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? She plays both sides of the
game and runs interference as Victoria gets closer to the truth.

A. Name: Robert Tetrault, Superintendent (Toronto
Police)

B. Role in the Story: Supporting Character – he’s ultimately in
charge of the mission or so he thinks. But it’s the RCMP that are in
charge of the mission.

C. Core Traits: Greedy, smart, intimidating, adaptive

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want –
to get rich and retire before it all comes to light. Need – not to get
caught that he’s dirty.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – Serena.
Wound – was shot and nearly died when the love of Daniel’s life was
murdered.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret
– He’s been part of the human trafficking ring for years. Hidden Agenda – To
take one more payment, cover it up and then arrest them all.

G. Internal Dilemma: Playing
both sides of the game is starting to affect his ability to function.
H. What makes this character
perfect for their role in this story? He adds a layer of conflict that
Victoria doesn’t realize she has to overcome until well into the story.

A: Are there any parts of the
profile that you could improve? His hubris has become a concern and people
are noticing.

B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? Victoria comes from outside the
Toronto Police service and senses something is wrong with Robert’s role.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Genre Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is to always have the genre conventions in mind when you re-write scenes. I changed the genre from Action/Crime Noir (which was suggested by a contest reader!) to Action/Thriller. Plus I pulled out my previous mastery skill sheets to guide me in brainstorming.

1. Tell us the following:

Title: Traffick/Stop^© <div>

Concept: An undercover cop
infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main trafficker in
order to discover what happened to her sister who disappeared in his
company several years ago.

Genre: Action/Thriller

2. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:

Action:

Purpose: Adrenaline-stirring /
fast paced; big event story</div><div>

Demand for Action: Problem or
goal that the only solution is a high level of action. Plot, characters,
and situations are all designed to demand action.

Mission: Stated or implied
mission.

Escalating Action: Overcoming
the problem requires greater and greater heights of action involving
higher stakes.

Hero: Highly capable and
skilled.

Antagonist: Clearly
evil/corrupt/malicious, necessitating decisive and expedient action to
deal with them.

Thriller:

· Purpose: Thrilling high stakes, plot twists, suspense, and adrenalin packed climax.

· Life and Death Situations: Danger at every step. Hero needs to be either in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

· Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: A mystery must be solved to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan. Suspense comes from the danger to the Hero.

· Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful.

· Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

· Main Emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, surprise.

Version 1:

Act 1:

Opening: Victoria, Lizzie and her friends
are enjoying a night out at a club.</div><div>

Inciting
Incident: Victoria leaves the
table. When she returns she witnesses Lizzie leaving the club with Jack.
Serena introduces Victoria to Jack’s mother who is the brains behind the
trafficking ring.

Turning
Point: Victoria infiltrates the Jack’s
human trafficking ring but ends up being arrested by the police after they
raid the club. We discover Lizzie in Jack’s hide-away and she agrees to
help Jack take down Victoria and Serena.

Act 2:

New
plan: Victoria needs more
information about Jack.</div><div>

Plan
in action: Breaks into his
hide-away; breaks into Jack’s mother’s house – to steal information.
Interview some of the girls rescued from the club.

Midpoint
Turning Point: One of the girls is
murdered right in front of Victoria by one of the other trafficked girls.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything: Victoria knows that
Jack is responsible for Lizzie’s disappearance. Need to push Jack to make
a mistake. </div><div>

New
plan: Victoria travels with Jack to
procure more girls. Investigate the country clubs where girls are also
being trafficked.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
Jack suspects Victoria so he kidnaps her to add to the trafficked
girls. Only to discover she’s more than she appears and ends up beating
him up. But he shoots her to put her out of commission.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Victoria and Serena find Lizzie. Victoria goes
back undercover for the big party where the girls will be sold. But even
in disguise Jack sees her and decides to rid himself of Victoria. He takes
her to his apartment where he tortures her. But again she turns the tables
and kills him with the last bit of her strength.</div><div>

Resolution:
The trafficking ring is destroyed. Lizzie is recovering. Victoria is
recovering and now can have a relationship with Daniel as her mission is
accomplished.

Version 2:

Act 1:

Opening: Victoria, Lizzie and her friends are
enjoying a night out at a club.
Victoria
leaves the table. Returns to see her party is gone. Races outside. Sees
the girls struggling against the men who picked them up. Tries to save the
girls. But is overpowered. (CHANGE) </div><div>

Inciting
Incident: Lizzie disappears.
Victoria is beaten.

I
want to do the above all in a flashback/inter-cut with Victoria
remembering the night Lizzie disappears as she beats up a boxing bag.

Turning
Point: Victoria infiltrates the Jack’s
human trafficking ring but ends up being arrested by the police after they
raid the club. We discover Lizzie in Jack’s hide-away and she agrees to
help Jack take down Victoria and Serena.

Act 2:

New
plan: Victoria needs more
information about Jack.
Plan
in action: Breaks into his
hide-away; breaks into Jack’s mother’s house – to steal information.
Interview some of the girls rescued from the club. </div><div>

Midpoint
Turning Point: One of the girls is
murdered right in front of Victoria by one of the other trafficked girls. The
attacker attempts to escape with Victoria in hot pursuit. (CHANGE)

Act 3:

Rethink
everything: Victoria knows that
Jack is responsible for Lizzie’s disappearance. Need to push Jack to make
a mistake.</div><div>

New
plan: Victoria travels with Jack to
procure more girls. Investigate the country clubs where girls are also
being trafficked.
But
Victoria is targeted one night when she’s leaving the gym. She’s shot at
from someone who turns out to be from one of the country clubs. Turns into
a shootout. With the police being called. (CHANGE)

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
Jack suspects Victoria so he kidnaps her to add to the trafficked
girls. Only to discover she’s more than she appears and ends up beating
him up. But he shoots her to put her out of commission.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Victoria and Serena find Lizzie. Victoria goes
back undercover for the big party where the girls will be sold. But even
in disguise Jack sees her and decides to rid himself of Victoria. He takes
her to his apartment where he tortures her. But again she turns the tables
and kills him with the last bit of her strength. </div>

Resolution:
The trafficking ring is destroyed. Lizzie is recovering. Victoria is
recovering and now can have a relationship with Daniel as her mission is
accomplished.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is where parts could be strengthened without having to go through pages of script.

List the beats of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

Title:
Traffick/Stop^© <div>

Genre:
Action/Crime
Noir

<div>

Concept: An
undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main
trafficker in order to discover what happened to her sister who
disappeared in his company several years previously.

Main
Conflict: The protagonist, Victoria, mission is to
find her missing sister, Lizzie, against the antagonist, Jack, who’s
keeping Lizzie for his own personal sex slave.

Act 1:

Opening: Victoria, Lizzie and her friends
are enjoying a night out at a club.
Inciting
Incident: Victoria leaves the
table. When she returns she witnesses Lizzie leaving the club with Jack.
Serena introduces Victoria to Jack’s mother who is the brains behind the
trafficking ring.
Turning
Point: Victoria infiltrates the Jack’s
human trafficking ring but ends up being arrested by the police after they
raid the club. We discover Lizzie in Jack’s hide-away and she agrees to
help Jack take down Victoria and Serena.</div><div>

Act 2:

New
plan: Victoria needs more
information about Jack.
Plan
in action: Breaks into his
hide-away; breaks into Jack’s mother’s house – to steal information.
Interview some of the girls rescued from the club.</div><div>

Midpoint
Turning Point: One of the girls is
murdered right in front of Victoria by one of the other trafficked girls.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything: Victoria knows that
Jack is responsible for Lizzie’s disappearance. Need to push Jack to make
a mistake.
New
plan: Victoria travels with Jack to
procure more girls. Investigate the country clubs where girls are also
being trafficked.</div><div>

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
Jack suspects Victoria so he kidnaps her to add to the trafficked
girls. Only to discover she’s more than she appears and ends up beating
him up. But he shoots her to put her out of commission.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Victoria and Serena find Lizzie. Victoria goes
back undercover for the big party where the girls will be sold. But even
in disguise Jack sees her and decides to rid himself of Victoria. He takes
her to his apartment where he tortures her. But again she turns the tables
and kills him with the last bit of her strength.</div>

Resolution:
The trafficking ring is destroyed. Lizzie is recovering. Victoria is
recovering and now can have a relationship with Daniel as her mission is
accomplished.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Pitch Project

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of an outline. I already see where some of these scenes are not beneficial to the script. And I also see where my structure, mini-movie method, needs to be strengthened!

PITCH

A. Genre: Action/Crime Noir

B. Title: Traffik/Stop^©

C. High Concept: An undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main trafficker in order to discover what happened to her sister who disappeared in his company several years previously.

D. Main Conflict: The protagonist, Victoria, mission to find her missing sister, Lizzie, against the antagonist, Jack, who’s keeping Lizzie for his own personal sex slave.

E. Transformational Journey: From Victoria being a self-reliant, alpha female to Victoria understanding team work and letting someone into her heart.

F. Opposition: Jack Baker, drug addict, mommy’s boy who usually gets what he wants through manipulation, lying and violence.

[Monica Arisman]

I, Monica Arisman, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Monica Arisman]

Hello I’m Monica Arisman,

I live in Canada. I’m re-writing my very first script that I wrote in the ProSeries and have been “rewriting” for a couple of years now. I know it’s close. I’m looking forward to some new strategies from this class.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

Post your 4 pitches for critique on the forums under Lesson 11.

THE 4 PITCHES

1. Elevator Pitch – How do you save the world when you don’t believe in aliens and have to work with one to rescue an ancient artefact that can change the course of history?

2. Phone Pitch – Hi I’m Monica Arisman, and I have a sci-fi action movie in which the main character’s business partner is an alien.

3. Pitch Fest Pitch – The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

4. Query Letter – The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

After his family is killed in a fire, Conall, a retired Special Forces commander, reluctantly takes on a job to retrieve an ancient artefact which supposedly will change the world for the better.

A closed minded, by the book guy, Conall’s world view is thrown into chaos when he has to work with the Alien Jay. But Jay needs the artefact for his own reasons and steals it from its last known resting place. Only to discover that someone else stole it!

Conall and Jay finally track down the artefact and set it up. Only to have to defend it against the crazed rich guy that hired him. And several other interested parties who want to manipulate time to rule the masses.

So how do you save the world when everyone else wants to enslave it? You open several timelines to find the one timeline that will change the course of history.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Target Market

What I learned doing this assignment is that I do this for every script that’s ready to market. It’s invaluable.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Phone Pitch

Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead
with a High Concept.<div>

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi I’m Monica Arisman, and I have a, my business partner is an alien, movie.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s
the budget range? Mid
budget</div>

Who
do you see in the main roles? Keanu
Reeves, Mark Strong

How
many pages is the script? 95 pages.

Who
else has seen this? No one. Yet.

Why do you think this fits
our company? Because you make action/sci-fi movies.

How does the movie end? Finds
the right timeline. Gets a message into the timeline. Jay can go home but
not before he brings Conall’s family back.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Pitch Fest Pitch

Create your entire Pitch Fest Pitch.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Finished in the top 20 percentile in Titan and Big Break Screenplay competitions.

2. Tell us your genre and title. TIME GUARDIANS – Action/Sci-Fi

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range? $15-$30 Million<div>

What actors do you like for
the lead roles? Keanu Reeves, Mark Strong

Give me the acts of the
story.

Act
1: Conall loses his family in a
fire. Takes a job recovering an ancient artefact. Has to work with Jay, an
alien.
Act
2: Conall finds out that more than
Harry wants the artefact.
Act
3: Find the right timeline to fix
Jay’s timeline. But Harry sabotages the artefact and several timelines
appear. Harry jumps into a timeline to escape Conall.
Act
4: Finally closes all the timelines. Finds the right timeline. Fixes it.
Jay gets to go home. Jay also fixed the timeline to bring Conall’s family
back.

How does it end? (set-up /
payoff). Finds the right timeline. Gets a message into the timeline. Jay
can go home but not before he brings Conall’s family back.

Credibility questions: What have you done?

Masters Certificate Screenwriting U, written 10 scripts

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Query Letter

Write your query letter.

The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

After his family is killed in a fire, Conall, a retired Special Forces commander, reluctantly takes on a job to retrieve an ancient artefact which supposedly will change the world for the better.

A closed minded, by the book guy, Conall’s world view is thrown into chaos when he has to work with the Alien Jay. But Jay needs the artefact for his own reasons and steals it from its last known resting place.

Conall and Jay finally track down the artefact and set it up. Only to have to defend it against the crazed rich guy that hired him. And several other interested parties who want to manipulate time to rule the masses.

So how do you save the world when everyone else wants to enslave it? You open several timelines to find the one timeline that will change the course of history.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Monica E. Arisman

marisman@shaw.ca

Cell: 403-850-4279

https://ca.linkedin.com/in/monica-e-arisman-30a860112

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject:<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Monica’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment are different ways to work a pitch.

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

Conall, and his Alien partner, have to save the world from a crazed rich guy who wants to use an ancient artefact that manipulates time to rule the masses.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma: Doesn’t
believe in Aliens but has to work with one.<div>

Main Conflict:
Stop the villain from using an ancient artefact that manipulates
time.

What’s at stake? Security of the world.

Goal/Unique Opposition: Belief system.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

How do you save the world when you don’t believe in aliens and have to work with one to rescue an ancient artefact that can change the course of history?

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is a process that can be used not only for screenwriting but for other writing mediums. I believe this is new to me.

The key to your success is to select HOOKS to tell your story through.

Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

a. Hero:
A veteran with PTSD who sets up his own security service. Doesn’t believe
in extraterrestrial life until it stands in front of him! Meets an alien
– has to now question his belief system. <div>

b. Hero
loses his family under suspicious circumstances.

<div>

c. Villain:
Wants to rule the world. Will stop at nothing to do so, including murder
and mayhem.
The
artefact can change the past.

d. The
artefact was made by the alien, and he’s come back to change the past to
fix the future.

e. Don’t
need a plane when you have a saucer!

f. Hero ends up in the past chasing the villain who jumped into a timeline. And trying not to do anything to change the future.

g. The alien likes strawberry ice cream.

h. The alien changes the past to bring the hero’s family back.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Written by: Monica Arisman

Genre: Action / Sci-Fi

What happens to your belief system when an ice cream eating extraterrestrial becomes your partner to steal an ancient artefact that manipulates time?

After serving his country in more wars to end all wars, Conall retires and starts his own security company to spend more time with his neglected family. After turning down Harry, who wants to rule the world, Conall’s family is killed in a house fire.

Conall then accepts Harry’s offer to steal an ancient artefact that can manipulate time and must team up with a mission specialist, Jay, from Area 51. Only to discover the mission specialist is an alien from the future who built the artefact. And he likes strawberry ice cream.

Jay stole the artefact to keep it away from greedy humans, like Harry. And to change the past to fix the future – to save his and future humanity.

But the artefact is stolen from Jay’s hideout and is discovered to have been taken by CERN scientists. They must travel to Geneva to steal the artefact back.

But you don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!

After stealing back the artefact, Jay sets it up in his saucer. He opens the timeline that needs to be changed. But Harry does something to the artefact and several other timelines open. Which one to choose?

Harry jumps into a timeline followed by Conall. Harry promptly gets captured by British soldiers who are engaged in one of the Napoleonic wars. Conall must use all his skills not to interfere with history and ignore his PTSD, in order to rescue Harry.

After finding the right timeline, Harry makes one more desperate attempt to get into that timeline but he is killed. Conall and Jay correct the past.

As Conall drives Jay to the portal to take him home he shows Jay where his house once stood. Only to discover it is still standing and his family is alive.

</div></div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned is when you look at your script from this perspective, it helps to see where you might need to re-write portions of it.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A.
What is most unique about your villain and hero? <div>

Hero:
A veteran with PTSD who sets up his own security service. Doesn’t believe
in extraterrestrial life until it stands in front of him!

Villain:
Wants to rule the world. Will stop at nothing to do so, including murder
and mayhem.

B.
Major hook of your opening scene?

Hook:
Trying to make amends for all the times he put country before family but
his PTSD keeps getting in the way.

C.
Any turning points?

Loses
his family under suspicious circumstances.

Meets
an alien – has to now question his belief system.

Finds
out just how many people want to rule the world.

D.
Emotional dilemma?

Guilt
for not being there for his family and now they’re gone.

E.
Major twists?

Don’t
need a plane when you have a saucer!

The
artefact can change the past.

The
artefact was made by the alien, and he’s come back to change the past to
fix the future.

F.
Reversals? Hero
is reluctant to help the villain and the alien.

G.
Character betrayals?

The
villain’s buddies betray him to get their hands on the artefact.

One
of the hero’s “employee’s” changes sides.

H.
Or any big surprises?

Becomes
friends with the alien.

The
alien changes the past to bring the hero’s family back.

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

· Strong female secondary character who befriends the alien.

· Hero ends up in the past chasing the villain who jumped into a timeline. And trying not to do anything to change the future.

· The alien likes strawberry ice cream.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica Meets Producer/Manager

What I learned today is, I had an, ah-ha moment. When I first started writing film I was tentative in my interactions verbally with producers and managers. I felt I didn’t know what I was doing! Since then, I have made myself choose video/telephone conferences with producers regarding my projects. And am feeling more confident. It won’t be long now.

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

· Present a well-written, high concept, script that has been edited and proof-read until your eyes bleed. And continue to re-write even after it has been submitted. I’m always cognizant of budget and looking for ways to cut down on locations.

· Come into a meeting with the intent of helping to get the movie made.

· Say yes to any changes the producer wants to make to the script. For me, I’d ask for him or her to explain the thinking behind the changes to make me a better writer. (I always say this.) And also, a timeline when the producer would like the changes done.

· Because I’ve been in business where I had to work collaboratively, this is second nature to me.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

· Work with them on honing your writing and pitching skills.

· Always say yes to notes and re-writing both the script and the pitch.

· Practice, practice, practice the pitch with them to be ready for producers.

· Learn all you can and be grateful for their help and advice.

· Write yourself an empowerment statement and do that before speaking to the manager and before re-writing.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is to really know your script and then brainstorm to make it better in order to sell it.

Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.

1. Tell us your current logline.

Logline: After losing his family in a suspicious fire, a retired Special Forces commander takes a job to steal an ancient artefact, which manipulates time, accompanied by the alien that built it. The race is on to keep the artefact from the group that hired him, who want to run the world, and return it to the alien’s planet.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.

A. Unique. The alien that built the ancient
artefact is still alive! And he’s come to retrieve the artefact before the
greedy, rich people of Earth have a chance to figure it out!

B. Great Title. TIME GUARDIANS.
The two main protagonists are the time guardians because in the wrong
hands – the antagonist – could make things even worse than they are now.

C. True.

D. Timely. This civilization is
running out of time and something needs to be done to keep it going. With all
the events going on in the world, having an ancient artefact that
manipulates time could be a good thing in the right hands.

E. It’s a first.

F. Ultimate.

G. Wide audience appeal.

H. Adapted from <s>a popular
book</s> YouTube. There is a conspiracy theory out there that says an
ancient artefact (called the Looking Glass) can manipulate time and that
this timeline ends in 2030.

I. Similarity to a box-office
success.

J. A great role for a bankable
actor.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Project and Market

What I learned today is that it’s a great review for me to go through this process.

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Genre: Sci-Fi/Action (needs a big re-write for this)

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Concept: A retired Special Forces team takes a job to steal an ancient alien artefact from a Bagdad museum only to discover all is not what it seems when a team member claims to have built the artefact and the person who hired them wants it to run the world before the timeline runs out in 2030.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

The story is based on a conspiracy theory from YouTube and features an alien. It’s set in modern times and features good guys and bad guys.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

1. I target producers first in all my marketing efforts. They seem to be easier to get a response from.

2. Then managers – even though I really don’t understand how this works.

3. I don’t think I’ve tried actor’s production companies as they always seem to have the info@ email.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Feedback Exchange

I’m ready to swap.

Email: marisman@shaw.ca.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Is a Proofreading Star!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is not to discount the value of this process.

The process I chose is to read it out loud. Or Final Draft read it out loud.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Wordsmithing

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how many times I used certain words. Even after writing this script with a minimum of description there was so many over-usage of some words.

Tell us how many changes you made and give us three you feel really good about.

I changed, or in the process of changing the following words:

Looks – 55 – this is my number one word I want to change

Turns – 38

Room – 39

Nods – 33 – this is one of the words I want a better word

Gets – 26

Puts – 19

Chair – 16

Types – 15

Leaves – 8 – this is one of the words I want a better word

Is – 75 – most of them are in dialogue so I’ll have to re-write that.

I have portal and timeline and time stream – all describing the same thing – changed all that to timeline unless there really was a portal.

Working through the “ing” words.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Wordsmithing

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how many times I used certain words. Even after writing this script with a minimum of description there was so many over-usage of some words.

Tell us how many changes you made and give us three you feel really good about.

I changed, or in the process of changing the following words:

Looks – 55 – this is my number one word I want to change

Turns – 38

Room – 39

Nods – 33 – this is one of the words I want a better word

Gets – 26

Puts – 19

Chair – 16

Types – 15

Leaves – 8 – this is one of the words I want a better word

Is – 75 – most of them are in dialogue so I’ll have to re-write that.

I have portal and timeline and time stream – all describing the same thing – changed all that to timeline unless there really was a portal.

Working through the “ing” words.

The one good thing, I don’t give character/actor direction. I’m a writer, not a filmmaker.

[Monica Arisman]

I don’t think this is in the right place…

[Monica Arisman]

I’m assuming this is lesson 1, module 9…

Subject: Monica has Tested Every Line!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how much of my script I had already incorporated this process into. This I learned in other classes and it seems to be finally sinking in. This is the fastest script I’ve ever written.

5. Tell us how much of a difference this made for your script.

My script already incorporated this process. However, I did find some areas of improvement by adding spaces and re-wording some longer sentences.

6. Give us the before-and-after on the scene where you made the biggest changes.

I did more fine tuning than anything. Nothing spectacular where I deleted pages of description. It was already quite a fast read.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lesson 14: Writing Great Action Set Pieces

Subject: Monica’s Great Action Set Piece!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to break down each action scene in order for it to have meaning and more.

Take an Action Set Piece from your outline and use the steps above to turn it into an amazing experience for the reader and audience.

1. Build in the meaning.

· Set-up: Victoria and her old friend from police college, Serena, end up being undercover on the same operation.

Pre-Action: The night club is raided by the police
and Victoria and Serena have to escape.
Action: Victoria ends up in the alley behind the
club where they encounter Jack (the villain) running away. She’s beating
him up when Serena shows up.
Post-Action: They all go their separate
ways until Jack shoots at them wounding Victoria. Serena takes care of
Victoria’s GSW.

2. Make the Action Unique.

STEP 1: List your 9 Places For Uniqueness.

Environment: The “underworld of crime” of
a big city. Newly opened “gentlemen’s club”.
Rules:
Have to follow police procedure for undercover whereas the human
traffickers has an anything goes policy.
Villain: Fit into the high echelons of
society.
Mission:
Infiltrate the human trafficking ring. Find Victoria’s sister who
has been missing for several years.
Struggle:
Think like the human traffickers without losing sight of who you
are.
Unique Skillset: The ability to fit into
the human trafficking ring and switch back and forth between them and the
police.
Meaning: Keep law and order but slowly
sees that law and order are chains that bind the ordinary person and must
think outside the box to bring the human traffickers down.
Allies: Undercover officers, HT victims
wanting justice
Weapon: Guns

STEP 2: Use Strategies for Uniqueness to elevate them.

A. What if…?

Villain – what if the
villain also belongs to a satanic cult and some of the victims are meant
for human sacrifice.
Mission – what if the
undercover operatives also infiltrate some of the country clubs where
girls are being sourced – how far up the societal chain does the
trafficking exist – Who knows? What do they know? How are they to be
stopped?

B. Take to an extreme – Weapons – use
drones, body cams, bugs, more surveillance, use white magic to counter
their dark magic
C. Specific to character or environment –
Could make the environment a small town instead of a big city – more shock
value when the human trafficking comes to light.
D. Shocking or Surprising – Villain – Victoria
could try to seduce the guy to get secrets as she’s a big fan of the
Allied female spies in WWII and how they got information from the Germans,
instead of plying him with more drugs.
E. Go opposite.
F. What haven’t we seen? – Rules – hack
into the villain’s personal information, bank accounts, etc. and move out
the money. And NOT get caught.

3. Create through the 9 Action Emotions.

Anxiety: Will she ever find her sister? Dead or alive.

Fear: Victoria’s fear is that she’ll be found out to be an undercover police officer.

Relief: Serena helps her but she might blow her hard earned cover as Serena’s been undercover on this mission for a few years.

Surprise: Daniel is furious that Victoria got hurt.

Shock: Jack circles back to the alley to collect Victoria’s blood.

Suspense: What’s Jack going to do now that he’s shot one of his supposed team?

Danger: What’s Jack going to do with Victoria’s blood?

Excitement: Victoria plans on making Jack’s life more miserable.

Adrenaline: Beating Jack up releases some of Victoria’s strain on her nerves.

4. Add in more twists.

Danger: The police raid the club. Victoria gets shot.

Safety: Help arrives.

New Threat: Jack’s obsession with Victoria’s blood.

Unexpected Support: Serena is a white witch.

Identity or Plan Exposed: Jack is into something that doesn’t bode well for his victims.

Identity Hidden: Serena can counter act anything evil Jack is into.

Deceived: Thought the mission is about shutting down a human trafficking ring. Finding her sister.

Surprising Truth: Mission is also about shutting down the rise in satanic “churches” using human trafficking victims as sacrifices.

Betrayal: Beatrice betrays Victoria to Jack.

Surprising Alliance: Then Beatrice betrays Jack as she’s not into his deviant behavior.

Lost Resources: The local authorities and some members of her team are compromised. New Resources: Some of the victims and some of the recruiters want to help shut Jack and Beatrice down.

It Just Got Worse: Jack decides Victoria should be sacrificed.

It Just Got Better: But help arrives – until Jack’s own security team shows up.

Unexpected Weapon: Exorcist priest.

Surprising Response: Some of them actually want to make the world a better place and he’s trained in martial arts.

Reversal:

Reverse the Reversal:

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Unique Action!

What I learned
doing this assignment is to use these “places” and continue to drill down until
your script is not boring!<div>

Pick at least one action scene that you want to make more unique. Then use this process to generate ideas.

1. Looking at your entire story, what is unique about each of these places?

Environment: The “underworld
of crime” of a big city
Rules: Follow police procedure for undercover
whereas the human traffickers has an anything goes policy.
Villain: Fit into the
high echelons of society.
Struggle: Think like the
human traffickers without losing sight of who you are.
Mission: Infiltrate the human trafficking ring. Find Victoria’s sister
who has been missing for several years.
Unique Skillset: The
ability to fit into the human trafficking ring and switch back and forth
between them and the police.
Meaning: Keep law and
order but slowly sees that law and order are chains that bind the ordinary
person and must think outside the box to bring the human traffickers down.
Allies: Undercover
officers, HT victims wanting justice
Weapon: Guns

2. Brainstorm ways to make one or more of those places unique:

A. What if…?

Villain
– what if the villain also belongs to a satanic cult and some of the
victims are meant for human sacrifice.
Mission
– what if the undercover operatives also infiltrate some of the country
clubs where girls are being sourced – how far up the societal chain does
the trafficking exist – who knows? what do they know? How are they to be
stopped?

B. Take to an extreme –
Weapons – use drones, body cams, bugs, more surveillance, use white magic
to counter their dark magic

C. Specific to character
or environment – Could make the environment a small town instead of a big
city – more shock value when the human trafficking comes to light.
D. Shocking or
Surprising – Villain – Victoria could try to seduce the guy to get secrets
as she’s a big fan of the Allied female spies in WWII and how they got
information from the Germans, instead of plying him with more drugs.
E. Go opposite.
F. What haven’t we seen?
– Rules – hack into the villain’s personal information, bank accounts,
etc. and move out the money. And NOT get caught.

These are the improvements that will be made:

F. What haven’t we seen?
– Rules – hack into the villain’s personal information, bank accounts,
etc. and move out the money. And NOT get caught.
D. Shocking or
Surprising – Villain – Victoria could try to seduce the guy to get secrets
as she’s a big fan of the Allied female spies in WWII and how they got
information from the Germans, instead of plying him with more drugs.
A. What if…?

Mission
– what if the undercover operatives also infiltrate some of the country
clubs where girls are being sourced – how far up the societal chain does
the trafficking exist – who knows? what do they know? How are they to be
stopped?
</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica has Amazing Dialogue!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is with the help of the Skill Mastery Sheet as a guide I could go through the script pretty fast. I also had a lot of the lines I wanted to elevate ready to go.

3. Tell us how many lines you elevated and give us three before-and-after examples.

Elevated about 25-30 lines.

Example One.

Conall and Jay are driving to the security office (this is after Conall takes the mission and his family has died in the fire).

Before Lines:

Jay turns back toward the passing landscape.

CONALL: This can do one of two ways. You can either help me or…

JAY: Or you’ll kill me?

CONALL: No. But I can make your life uncomfortable.

JAY: It’s already uncomfortable.

CONALL: What does that mean?

Jay silently shakes his head.

After Lines: I like this dialogue. I tried to elevate it but to no avail.

Sarcasm/Allusion: Sarcasm because Jay challenges Conall about killing him. Allusion because his life on Earth is already uncomfortable.

Before Lines:

Scene 14: Jay is taking Conall to where he hid the artefact after he stole it.

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. They always seem to know what you’re thinking.

Conall: I feel that same way about cats.

After Lines:

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. Always so needy.

Conall: That’s because they love unconditionally. What about cats?

Jay: Cats? I haven’t met a cat.

Conall: Cats always seem to know what you’re thinking. They tolerate their family.

Jay: Is that so?

Conall: Like you tolerate us.

Example Two.

Harry shows Conall the artefact hooked up to a quantum computer.

Before Lines:

Conall: What is it?

Harry: It has many names. I call it the crystal ball.

Conall: What does it have to do with security?

Harry: The security of the world is at stake.

Conall: The security of the world is always at stake.

Harry: The crystal ball will benefit humanity. In the right hands.

Conall: You mean your hands.

After Lines:

Conall: What is it?

Harry: I call it the crystal ball.

Conall: What do you want me to do about it?

Harry: Recover it.

Conall: And then what? Give it to you?

Harry: I’ll see that it benefits humanity.

Conall: In what way?

Harry: The security of the world is at stake.

Conall: And it will continue to be at stake.

Before Lines.

INT. SAUCER – NIGHT

Conall and Harry fall to the floor.

CONALL

SHUT THAT ONE DOWN.

Jay types on his tablet. That time stream fades. Conall pushes the blue button.

JAY

Where were you?

CONALL

Somewhere in the Napoleonic war.

Lieutenant Sarah has one of Harry’s arms behind his back.

JAY

Do you think you changed anything?

CONALL

I tried really hard not to. But this one got himself taken captive. So that might have done something. And I left three bullets behind. Couldn’t help it. Had to create a diversion to rescue the fool.

HARRY

I really need the facilities. The food was horrible. And some water. I’m pretty sure they gave us watered down horse piss.

CONALL

Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT SARAH

On it.

CONALL

Take your gun.

After Lines:

INT. SAUCER – NIGHT

Conall and Harry fall to the floor.

CONALL

SHUT THAT ONE DOWN.

Jay types on his tablet. That time stream fades. Conall pushes the blue button.

JAY

Where were you?

CONALL

Somewhere in the Napoleonic war.

Lieutenant Sarah has pounced on Harry. She has one of Harry’s arms behind his back.

JAY

Do you think you changed anything?

CONALL

I tried really hard not to. But this one got himself taken captive. So that might have done something. And I left three bullets behind. Couldn’t help it. Had to create a diversion to rescue the fool.

HARRY

I really need the facilities. The food was horrible. And some water. I’m pretty sure they gave us watered down horse piss.

CONALL

I don’t fucking care what you want at this moment. Of all the boneheaded things to do. Just jump into one of the time streams. After all the warnings we’ve given you.

HARRY

It’s taking too long.

CONALL

And now it’s going to take longer. Careful planning has gone into this mission. From beings a hell of a lot smarter than you or I. You may think you know everything but you don’t. No one does. Not about this artefact anyways.

Conall pulls his gun.

CONALL

Now you can either wait until it’s determined we have the right time steam. Or, we will destroy the artefact and I shoot you now. What’s it going to be?

HARRY

Fine. But I still need to use the facilities.

CONALL

Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT SARAH

On it.

CONALL

Take your gun.

She marches Harry out of the saucer.

Example Three.

Before Lines:

Scene 14: Jay is taking Conall to where he hid the artefact after he stole it.

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. They always seem to know what you’re thinking.

Conall: I feel that same way about cats.

After Lines:

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. Always so needy.

Conall: That’s because they love unconditionally. What about cats?

Jay: Cats? I haven’t met a cat.

Conall: Cats always seem to know what you’re thinking. They tolerate their family.

Jay: Is that so?

Conall: Like you tolerate us.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Level 3 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is that when you break a scene down like this, it is easier to create.

Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.

SET-UP: After returning from sourcing more women from an unguarded US/Canada border crossing, Victoria rats Jack out to his mother because he killed the recruiters. So Jack kidnaps her to teach her a lesson.

DANGER: Victoria has been kidnapped and is tied up. There are two goons and Jack.

INT. WAREHOUSE – LATER

Victoria wakes to find her arms tied to the back of a chair. Her feet are free. Her boots on. She looks around and sees two men wearing sunglasses. And Jack.

VICTORIA

(struggles)

Untie me.

Jack squats in front of her.

JACK

So many things have gone wrong since you came into my life.

VICTORIA

What are you talking about?

JACK

The Lost Kitten was raided. My mother’s house was broken into. You tell my mother I killed those guys.

VICTORIA

And this is my fault?

JACK

You told me you called the cops.

VICTORIA

Not that time.

JACK

What?! Who broke into my mother’s house?

VICTORIA

How the hell do I know?

Jack slaps her. Then leans close to her face.

JACK

I’m going to teach you a lesson.

Turns to Sean and the GOON.

JACK

You two out.

EXCITEMENT: Victoria goads Jack. What’s going to happen?

VICTORIA

Like the last lesson you tried to teach me. What five minutes ago? When you had to have someone help you?

Jack hits her again.

VICTORIA

You’re going to pay for that. You pathetic, failure of a man.

Jack hits her again. Laughs.

DANGER: Victoria warns Jack that he’s going to pay for hitting her.

Jack waits till the men leave. Then he turns back to Victoria. Rubs his crotch. Unzips his pants. He fondles her breast. Smirks. She smirks back.

JACK

I’m going to enjoy this.

VICTORIA

I didn’t realize what a sick bastard you really are. Tell me how long have you been screwing your mother?

Jack winds up to slap her again but…

ADRENALINE: Victoria begins to beat Jack.

Victoria brings her knee up and catches him in the groin. He yells out. She head butts him. He falls to the ground.

JACK

BITCH!

Sean and the GOON run back in and over to where she is. Still tied to the chair. She stands up as Sean comes at her.

She twirls. One of the chair’s legs catches him in the groin.

Victoria overbalances. Falls to the floor. The chair breaks. Rolls to her knees.

Unties the ropes. Picks up the spindles from the chair. Jumps up.

Sees the GOON.

EXCITEMENT: More people join the fight.

VICTORIA

Come on big boy. You know you want to.

GOON runs at her.

GOON

(growls)

ARRRRRGGGGG.

Takes a swing at her. She ducks. Brings the chair spindles down on his back. She jumps. Lands on his back.

CRACK.

He’s out cold.

TURNS.

She sees Jack trying to get up. She runs. Does a flying kick.

Catches him under the chin with her boot.

SNAPS his head back.

Claps the sides of his head with the chair spindles.

He goes down. Holds his nose.

VICTORIA

Some lesson.

JACK

My nose. You broke my nose.

VICTORIA

That’s not all I’m going to break.

Victoria grabs his hair. Pulls it back. With her other fist hits him hard. He falls to the ground.

Victoria looks at the three prone men. She bends over. Hands on knees. Breathing hard.

Victoria turns at a sound. Pivots. Crouches.

Jack pulls a gun. Shoots.

Victoria brings up the spindles. Falls. Shot.

Jack jumps up. Runs.

Daniel races to Victoria’s side.

DANIEL

Shit.

Daniel carefully turns Victoria over.

VICTORIA

(moans)

I thought you went home for the evening.

DANIEL

I followed you. First to the Baker house. Then back to your apartment. I was watching when I saw them drag you out.

VICTORIA

I think they drugged me. I don’t remember much until I woke up here.

DANIEL

Stay still.

Victoria leaks blood all over the floor. Daniel rips his shirt. Presses it to the wound.

DANIEL

Jack shot you. And now I have to report this.

VICTORIA

Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Since the operation is under the umbrella of the R.C.M.P. But they probably won’t like it when I kill Jack.

DANIEL

Right now. I have to get you to the hospital. Here press your hand to the wound.

Victoria nods. Looks around.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 6: Amazing Monologues! ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica has Incredible Monologues!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the process for writing a monologue. I don’t know if I did it right, but at least I have the framework which I can elevate the quality in later drafts.

2. Using the steps above, write a monologue for each of your lead characters.

3. Tell us the setup for the scene, then present the scene, including the monologue.

Conall has just tried to use the artefact to try to bring his wife and kids back to life. But he doesn’t understand how to use it. Jay stops him and says many factors go into attempting to change the timeline. They go to a café to get something to eat.

Jay’s monologue in the café.

Present these elements for each monologue.

Demanded by the
situation: Conall still doesn’t
understand that Earth humans are so unevolved and do not appear to be
interested in evolving to take their place amongst the stars and the
galactic community.
Takes us to a deeper
place: There is more to the Universe than Earth human’s measly,
meaningless lives when those same lives could be so much more rewarding
with a purpose.
Turning point: Motivates
Jay to consider whether or not they should attempt to save humanity by changing
the timeline and just let all the events happen.
Emotional: Conall is
shocked that Jay has such a low opinion of humanity.
High stakes: The future
of humanity, Jay’s people, are at stake.
A beginning, middle, and
ending.

Beginning: Jay is triggered by the humans in the
café playing on their phones and not engaging in any relational
communication.
Middle: Jay muses about not
saving humanity at all and letting it all unfold, but…
Ending:
Jay has to consider how
much effort has gone into changing the timeline and saving his people and
the future. Humanity has been saved by default.

INT. CAFÉ – DAY

Conall sits Jay down at a table by the window. He goes up to the counter to order.

Jay watches the people in the café. Most are playing with their iPhones even when they’re sitting with another person.

Conall returns to the table. He brings a bowl of strawberry ice cream for Jay. And a coffee and pastry for himself. Conall sits down.

CONALL

What’s the matter?

JAY

Look at these people. They don’t even engage one another.

CONALL

So what are you saying?

JAY

Humanity might not be worth saving. They’re little more than bio-bots.

Jay takes a spoonful of ice cream.

JAY

There is so much more to the Universe than what I’ve seen of humanity so far. Don’t you want more? A purpose that is meaningful? Don’t you want to join the galactic community? Meet your neighbours from other planets?

CONALL

I’m sure we all want that on some level.

JAY

You all need to want it sooner rather than later. For all I know the conditions may already be altered and changing the timeline will fail. Then this civilization will be destroyed and there is nothing you or I can do about it. Except watch it unfold.

Conall looks around. The people oblivious to their precarious situation.

CONALL

Maybe the timeline should be taken back two hundred years. Delay the industrial revolution until humanity evolves spiritually.

JAY

I’ll run the calculations. But it might already be too late.

Conall’s mobile rings. He looks at it.

CONALL

Lieutenant, what’s wrong?

Conall listens. We’re coming.

Conall’s monologue after rescuing Harry from one of the time streams.

Present these elements for each monologue.

Demanded by the
situation: Harry thinks that changing the timeline is a game and he has no
consideration for the consequences of any of his actions.
Takes us to a deeper
place: Harry is jeopardizing the
mission.
Turning point: Conall
has had enough of Harry’s antics and contemplates killing him.
Emotional:
High stakes: The present and the future of humanity
are at stake.
A beginning, middle, and
ending.

Beginning: Conall rescues Harry from the
timeline.
Middle: Conall delivers an
ultimatum.
Ending: Either Harry behaves
or Conall will destroy the artefact.

INT. SAUCER – NIGHT

Conall and Harry fall to the floor.

CONALL

SHUT THAT ONE DOWN.

Jay types on his tablet. That time stream fades. Conall pushes the blue button.

JAY

Where were you?

CONALL

Somewhere in the Napoleonic war.

Lieutenant Sarah has pounced on Harry. She has one of Harry’s arms behind his back.

JAY

Do you think you changed anything?

CONALL

I tried really hard not to. But this one got himself taken captive. So that might have done something. And I left three bullets behind. Couldn’t help it. Had to create a diversion to rescue the fool.

HARRY

I really need the facilities. The food was horrible. And some water. I’m pretty sure they gave us watered down horse piss.

CONALL

I don’t fucking care what you want at this moment. Of all the boneheaded things to do. Just jump into one of the time streams. After all the warnings we’ve given you.

HARRY

It’s taking too long.

CONALL

And now it’s going to take longer. Careful planning has gone into this mission. From beings a hell of a lot smarter than you or I. You may think you know everything but you don’t. No one does. Not about this artefact anyways.

Conall pulls his gun.

CONALL

Now you can either wait until it’s determined we have the right time steam. Or, we will destroy the artefact and I shoot you now. What’s it going to be?

HARRY

Fine. But I still need to use the facilities.

CONALL

Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT SARAH

On it.

CONALL

Take your gun.

She marches Harry out of the saucer.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Level 2 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure that, a. no two scenes are alike and b. to try and shock the audience to keep them wanting more and in their seats.

Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.

Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.

INT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT

…Beatrice hands Jack a drink.

Stands behind Jack. Rubs his shoulders.

Jack sips the drink. Leans back.

Beatrice leans over.

Reaches between Jack’s legs. Rubs his crotch.

BEATRICE

Let me soothe your worries away.

Jack closes his eyes. But after a few seconds…

JACK

I can’t.

Beatrice slaps him.

BEATRICE

Come with me.

Beatrice holds onto to Jack’s arm as they make their way through the house to the kitchen elevator.

EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT

Victoria flattens herself against the house. Signals to Daniel to go around the house. Victoria joins him there.

DANIEL

Well?

Victoria shudders. Makes a circle with her thumb and index finger of one hand. Inserts back and forth with the index finger of her other hand.

DANIEL

What is that?

VICTORIA

You know…mother and son.

Daniel shakes his head.

VICTORIA

Together. Intimately.

DANIEL

Oh.

VICTORIA

These two are really fucked up. Literally.

DANIEL

Where are they going?

VICTORIA

There’s a cellar.

DANIEL

Is there a back door?

VICTORIA

This way.

EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT

Victoria leads the way around to the back of the house. Tries the back door. Locked.

Daniel hands her his flashlight. He takes lock picks out of a jacket pocket. Victoria turns the flashlight on. Shines it on the lock.

Daniel crouches. Releases the lock in seconds. Holds the door. Victoria enters. She turns the flashlight off.

VICTORIA

Aren’t you full of surprises?

Daniel shrugs.

INT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT

Lights are on throughout the house. Victoria quietly sneaks down a hall. Around a corner.

Victoria opens a door.

OFFICE

Victoria flashes her flashlight into the dark. A desk. Full bookcases. Cupboards. Several computers and printers. The drapes are closed.

Victoria eases the door shut.

Daniel turns on the desk light.

DANIEL

How do you know your way around?

VICTORIA

I was here for my investor interview. Beatrice gave me the tour.

Daniel nods. Looks around. Pictures of women in various stages of undress are plastered on a cork board.

DANIEL

Looks like the nerve centre of the operation.

VICTORIA

You take the desk. I’ll take the cupboards.

They rifle through papers, drawers, books.

Victoria looks at the pictures of the women on the board. She takes one of the pictures down. Looks at it. Puts it in inside her jacket.

Victoria takes all the pictures of the women off the board.

DANIEL

Don’t do that.

VICTORIA

Why not?

DANIEL

They’ll know.

VICTORIA

We need evidence.

DANIEL

Probably won’t fly in court.

VICTORIA

Different rules remember?

Daniel sits down at the desk. Fiddles with the mouse.

WHISTLES.

VICTORIA

What?

DANIEL

Closed-circuit.

Victoria comes to stand beside Daniel. She rolls the pictures of the women.

A large computer screen with multiple windows are displayed. Daniel moves the mouse around.

DANIEL

(points)

Where is this?

Victoria looks closer.

VICTORIA

The cellar.

(beat)

Shit.

Victoria points to the window focused on the elevator.

Daniel types on the computer.

VICTORIA

What are you doing?

DANIEL

Is there another way out?

VICTORIA

The window. That elevator is located between the front and back door.

Daniel finishes typing.

Daniel moves to the window. Flings the drapes back. Studies the locks. Wrestles with the locks. Struggles to open the window.

ELEVATOR

The elevator opens. Beatrice and Jack step out. Beatrice heads to the back door.

JACK

What is it?

BEATRICE

The door’s open.

Beatrice turns. Strides down the hallway.

OFFICE

Daniel turns back to Victoria.

DANIEL

The outside window doesn’t open.

VICTORIA

Break it.

Daniel grabs a statue. Hefts it. Strides to another window.

Victoria shrugs out of her coat. Hands it to Daniel. He wraps the statue in her coat.

Victoria pushes a table against the door.

Daniel pounds the statue along the window.

HALLWAY

MUFFLED CRASH. Jack runs after Beatrice. He gets to the office door first. RATTLES the doorknob. Locked.

SLAMS his shoulder into the door. Nothing.

OFFICE

Glass FLIES out the window. Wood splinters from the door fly into the office.

Daniel shakes the statue free of her coat. Lays Victoria’s coat on the window sill.

DANIEL

Ladies first.

Victoria rolls her eyes.

EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT

Victoria hops out the window. Daniel follows. He takes her coat. Shakes it out. Hands it back to her.

Victoria and Daniel run for their cars.

INT. BAKER HOUSE – HALLWAY

Jack backs up.

JACK

Stand back mother.

He takes a run at the door with his shoulder. It bumps against something.

He pushes hard against the door. Gets it open enough to shimmy through. Runs to the broken window.

BEATRICE

Shit.

JACK

What?

BEATRICE

They’ve taken the photos of the girls.

Jack leans out the broken window.

Beatrice comes to stand by him.

BEATRICE

Anyone we know?

JACK

Hard to tell.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 10: Level 1 Action Emotions ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica’s Level 1 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is by breaking down the three emotions it is easier to write the first draft of a scene. I like the step by step process.

Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.

1. Look through your outline and choose a scene that could use anxiety, fear, and relief.

2. Create an outline of the scene that includes each of the three emotions.

3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting anxiety, fear, and relief.

ANXIETY: Victoria has been captured by Jack and is strung up. He’s beaten her.

FEAR: Now Jack wants to kill her but doesn’t know whether he wants to do it slowly or quickly.

RELIEF: Victoria uses all the energy she has left and kills Jack.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

DARK ROOM

Victoria hangs from ropes in a darkened room. Her feet are inches off the floor. She’s dressed in bra and panties.

Bloody lash marks crisscross her body. One of her eyes is swollen shut. Her long dark hair is matted to her head with sweat and blood.

Jack circles around her. His white shirt is spotted with blood. He drags the whip behind him.

JACK

How disappointing. I thought you’d be more of a challenge.

VICTORIA

(rasps)

Untie me. Then we’ll see.

Jack grabs her hair. Yanks her head back.

His face inches from hers.

JACK

I will kill you.

VICTORIA

Only because you’re too scared to untie me.

She spits in his face. He lets her hair go. Then spins and back hands her across the face.

Victoria’s head snaps back.

Jack saunters towards one of the walls.

JACK

(studies the wall)

Just depends if I want to do it slowly by flaying you alive. Or quickly with multiple stab wounds.

Victoria takes several deep breaths…

Jack stands with his back to Victoria. Hands on hips. He peruses the various weapons. A sword, a spear, and a battle- axe embedded in the wall so the blade faces the room.

With all her strength, Victoria grasps the ropes and with one burst of energy hauls herself into a pike position and…

Kicks Jack in the back. Into the battle-axe. Impaling him.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Favorite Twists!

What I learned doing this assignment is even though I knew about incorporating twists into a film this assignment showed me the types of twists which will be very helpful in all my scripts.

Go through your outline and rethink it as a series of twists. Add in any twists that you feel will improve it.

1. Choose any scene that needs a twist or two: I’ve gone through the outline and choose scenes where I thought a twist could work.

2. Brainstorm ways to use one or more of these twists:

Safety
======= Danger

Victoria
visits her mother’s grave (safety). But after meeting Jack and giving a
false identity she takes her leave, Jack goes to the grave and wonders
out loud who she really is (danger).<div>

New Threat
=== Unexpected Support

Victoria
knows that Jack is suspicious of her. So to buy some time she becomes his
drug dealer.

Plan Fails
=====Plan Succeeds

Jack
and Beatrice open a new gentlemen’s club. Everything is going well until
it is raided by the police – none of their other clubs have been raided
by the police.

Identity or Plan Exposed
====Identity Hidden

Jack
and Beatrice suspect Victoria (since she’s new to their business) is the
reason the club was raided. Beatrice decides to find out who Victoria
really is.

Deceived
====== Surprising Truth

Someone
in the police is feeding Jack and Beatrice information. It turns out to
be the Superintendent.

Attacked
======= Protected

Victoria
and Jack have it out with Jack losing. But then Victoria goes with Jack
to pick up the new girls at the unmarked border crossing.

Lost Resources
===== New Resources

The
police raid causes Jack to lose some of the girls. But Beatrice has a
plan to secure more girls by kidnapping women from the US sanctuary
cities.

It Just Got Worse
==== It Just Got Better

After
arresting Beatrice and telling her she won’t get jail time if she helps
them take down the latest event, Jack kidnaps Victoria and takes her away
from the event.

Trap/Trick
==== Escape

Victoria
is strung up. Jack beats her. He’s trying to decide how to finally kill
her when she uses what little strength she has and kills him.

Unexpected Weapon
==== Surprising Response

Victoria
kills Jack by kicking him into a battle-axe (he has a room of medieval
weapons).

Tell us your FIVE favorite twists listed as Setup/Twist.

a. Trap/Trick/Escape – Victoria is strung up. Jack beats her. He’s trying to decide how to finally kill her when she uses what little strength she has and kills him.

b. Deceived/Surprising Truth – Someone in the police is feeding Jack and Beatrice information. It turns out to be the Superintendent.

c. Lost Resources/New Resources – The police raid causes Jack to lose some of the girls. But Beatrice has a plan to secure more girls by kidnapping women from the US sanctuary cities.

d. Unexpected Weapon/Surprising Response – Victoria kills Jack by kicking him into a battle-axe (he has a room of medieval weapons).

e. New Threat /Unexpected Support – Victoria knows that Jack is suspicious of her. So to buy some time she becomes his drug dealer.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Likability/Empathy/Justification

What I learned doing this assignment is the conventions for an action movie which I didn’t know before.

1. Brainstorm answers to Likability/Empathy / Distress/Justified for your Hero.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. Other people like or respect the character. Victoria has been looking for her sister for several years.

B. The character shows love for something. Victoria loves her sister and her dad and needs to find her.

C. They’re trying to do something good. Finding her sister may also mean taking down a human trafficking ring.

D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else. Rescue her sister and any other victims she can find, gave peace to the families – and herself.

E. Kindness – Stays with one of the trafficked woman who didn’t want to be alone even though Victoria gets arrested.

F. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side. Takes pride in being a police officer and doing good.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved misfortune. Victoria was out with her sister and her sister’s friends but went to powder her nose when her sister left with a group of men they didn’t really know.

B. External Character conflicts. Victoria lost her sister and her mother died because she couldn’t cope with the loss. She has only her dad now.

C. Plot intruding on life.

D. Moral dilemmas. Victoria is helping to try and shut down the human trafficking ring but has to be part of the ring as she’s undercover.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make. Kidnap victims to maintain cover.

F. Wound attacked. Wound is her guilt in allowing her sister to be kidnapped and now she’s kidnapping victims to find her sister.

JUSTIFICATION

A. The character or their family abused. Sister trafficked.

B. Threatened by others. Villain trying to find out who exactly is Victoria.

C. The Heroine is the victim of attacks. Villain tries to neutralize Victoria.

D. They’ve suffered major losses. Not knowing what happened to her sister. Her mother dying because she couldn’t cope with that loss.

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed. Villain kidnaps Victoria twice and she gets out of it both times. She ends up killing the villain in the end.

2. Organize them into a sequence that happens in the first Act of your script and tell us the story in a concise form (like I did for John Wick and Salt above).

In the opening scene, Victoria returns to Toronto. She’s visiting her mother’s grave when she runs into an old friend. The both let us know they’re undercover cops. Victoria has a lead in her sister’s disappearance. Turns out the lead (villain 1) knows Victoria’s friend.

The plan is put into place for Victoria to take her place undercover. She is introduced to the brains behind the ring (villain 2) and is accepted.

The plan is to bring down the ring at the new night club. But Victoria is arrested because she stayed to comfort one of the victims the villains have kidnapped. And the villain got away and the victims rescued.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SUBJECT: Monica’s Story Map

What I learned doing this assignment is that my villain track isn’t as robust as it should be.

CONCEPT: A police detective returns home to join a taskforce to break a human trafficking ring with a lead on the disappearance of her sister several years ago. Only to learn her lead is one of the masterminds behind the human trafficking ring that’s been infiltrated.

Opening: Victoria (heroine) returns home
with a lead in her sister’s disappearance several years ago. She joins the
undercover team.

· M1: Victoria goes undercover and infiltrates Beatrice and Jack’s inner circle.

· V1: The villain’s plan is in place but they’ve been complacent because Beatrice has friends in the upper tier of society and they’ve been getting away with it as they seem to be one step ahead of the police.

· A1: Manipulate Jack and his drug habit to get to Beatrice.

Inciting
Incident: After being accepted into
the ring, Victoria is arrested. The police storm the new night club, because
they thought they could get Jack (villain 1).

· M2: Victoria tries to free the women/victims Jack has brought into the new night club.

· V2: Jack is suspicious of Victoria when he sees her get a text and leave for the basement. But he’s high and not thinking right.

· A2: Victoria gets arrested but frees the women/victims.

First
Turning Point at end of Act 1: Find out Jack has Lizzie (the sister) and
has kept her captive all these years.

· M3: Victoria and Daniel (her superior) interview the women victims.

· V3: Victoria was right, Jack knows why more about her sister’s disappearance then he let on.

· A3: Jack forgets he invited Victoria to his hide-away but when he hears sirens he tries to escape and she chases after him.

Mid-Point: Victoria and Daniel (the partner)
break into Beatrice’s (villain 2 and mommy) and learn that about the
unnatural relationship between mother and son.

· M4: Break-into mommy’s house to find evidence of the ring.

· V4: Victoria and Daniel are almost caught when Beatrice and Jack return to the house.

· A4: Has to escape out a window and run to their vehicles with what they’ve gathered.

Second
Turning Point at end of Act 2: Victoria goes with Jack to procure more
victims.

· M5: Victoria maintains cover by going with Jack to procure more victims.

· V5: Kills the procurement men.

· A5: Victoria plans transmitters on the mini bus because she doesn’t trust Jack to take the women/victims where he says he’s going to take them.

Crisis/Dilemma: Victoria tells Beatrice Jack
killed the men who sold them the victims.

· M6: Discover where the women/victims are really being held. Plan a rescue.

· V6: Kidnaps Victoria and takes her to a place to rape and torture her because he’s pissed Victoria told his mother about the killings.

· A6: Victoria, even though she’s tied up and been hit a few times, takes down Jack and his friends. Only to get shot by Jack. Rescued by Daniel.

Climax: Jack kidnaps Victoria and
tortures her. With all her strength she kills Jack.

· M7: Victoria goes back undercover but is betrayed.

· V7: Jack is going to do away with Victoria once and for all.

· A7: Victoria kills Jack gruesomely.

Resolution:
Recovering from her wounds
Daniel and Victoria make plans for their future.

· M8: The ring is taken down. The undercover operation is over.

· V8: Jack and Beatrice are dead.

· A8: Victoria and Daniel ride off into the sunset (?)

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Action Structure!

What I learned doing this assignment is by filling in the blanks more ideas just have a way of showing up.

2. Fill in any missing points and tell us the current version of your structure with a sentence or two for each point.

CONCEPT: A police detective returns home to join a taskforce to break a human trafficking ring with a lead on the disappearance of her sister several years ago. Only to learn her lead is one of the masterminds behind the human trafficking ring that’s been infiltrated.

Opening: Victoria (heroine) returns home
with a lead in her sister’s disappearance several years ago. She joins the
undercover team.

Inciting Incident: After being accepted into the ring,
Victoria is arrested. The police storm the new night club, because they
thought they could get Jack (villain 1).

First Turning Point at
end of Act 1: Find out Jack has Lizzie (the sister) and has kept her
captive all these years.

Mid-Point: Victoria and Daniel (the partner)
break into Beatrice’s (villain 2 and mommy) and learn that about the
unnatural relationship between mother and son.

Second Turning Point at
end of Act 2: Victoria goes with Jack to procure more victims.
Crisis/Dilemma: Victoria tells Beatrice Jack killed
the men who sold them the victims.

Climax: Jack kidnaps Victoria and
tortures her. With all her strength she kills Jack.
Resolution: Recovering from her wounds Daniel and
Victoria make plans for their future.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Action Track!

What I learned doing this assignment is the breakdown of an action movie is very complex and requires a great deal of thought.

Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.

1. DISCOVERY: Heroine returns to her hometown with a lead in her sister’s disappearance.

Purpose: Introduces our heroine, why she’s there and creates hope/fear as she meets her lead after being introduced to him by an old friend.

2. INTERROGATION: Heroine is arrested when the police raid the night club she’s “working” in.

Purpose: She’s undercover and passes information she has gathered to the team supporting her.

3. RESCUE: The police have rescued the victims from the club and our heroine and her partner go to interview them.

Purpose: To determine if the girls were recruited by the people they think they were.

4. FIGHT: One of the girls is thrown down the stairs.

Purpose: Our heroine goes after the girl who through the other one down the stairs and arrests her.

5. DANGEROUS SITUATION: The Heroine meets up with the bad guy at his hide-away. She downloads his computer for more intel. Sirens in the background. He thinks she called the cops.

Purpose: Our Heroine will do anything to find her sister. Including meeting up alone with the bad guy because she can take care of herself.

6. FIGHT: Once the sirens are heard, our bad guy throws something at the Heroine and runs away.

Purpose: To demonstrate her skills in having to defend herself and chase him.

7. CHASE/PURSUIT: Our Heroine meets up with her partner and they chase him to his mother’s property.

Purpose: To show another side of the villain who is really just a mommy’s boy with an Oedipus complex.

8. DANGEROUS SITUATION: The Heroine and her partner break-in to “mommy’s” house while the villains are checking something else out.

Purpose: To gather more intel that these people are, in fact, behind the human trafficking ring and Hope/Fear.

9. CHASE/PURSUIT: The villains are returning to the house. Time to go.

Purpose: The Heroine and her partner carry everything they can and escape out the window as the villain breaks the door down.

10. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Our heroine and the villain go to pick up girls at an unmarked border crossing.

Purpose: She has to play her part (undercover) and try to rescue the girls.

11. EVADE: Our Heroine and her partner stake out the motel where the villain has taken the victims.

Purpose: She has a moral code and an obligation to limit collateral damage.

12. COMPETITION: Our Heroine interrupts the villain’s sex and informs mommy that her darling boy killed the men who supplied the victims.

Purpose: To try and getting mommy to ban her boy and leave our Heroine a clean shot at bringing down the ring.

13. KIDNAPPING: The villain kidnaps the heroine and takes her to a place to teach her a lesson.

Purpose: To show that the villain has more tricks up his sleeve.

14. TORTURE: The villain ties the heroine to a chair and hits her. He shows her that he’s going to rape her.

Purpose: Show off more of her skill set.

15. RESCUE: After she brings down the villain and his friends, the villain shoots her and then escapes. But she is rescued by her partner.

Purpose: To send the story in another direction as she has to recover from her wounds and is taking off the case.

16. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Our Heroine and her friend (from before who’s also undercover) track the villain to his hide-away and break down the attic door.

Purpose: To discover her sister who’s been held hostage by the villain for all these years.

17. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Our Heroine goes back undercover at a yacht party but is identified by mommy (who’s been arrested but a deal was made).

Purpose: To set up the ending.

18. TORTURE: The villain strings up our heroine and whips her. With all her remaining strength she kills the villain.

Purpose: Fitting end for the villain.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s is great at Sub-text Pointers

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I wrote a lot of sub-text in these first drafts. Now I just have to go through with these labels and explanations and try to elevate the dialogue.

Your goal: Use Subtext Pointers in any scenes where you want the audience to experience the deeper meaning.

Make a list:

Scene 3: INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – DAY

This is where Conall comes to see Harry the first time.

They are seated at a table. The office is walls of windows.

Before:

Conall: That’s a lot of glass for a man of your reputation.

Harry: Meaning?

Conall: Meaning that with all the advanced weapons out there. You’d be standing in the afterlife and wouldn’t even know how you got there.

After Line: I actually like this original banter!

Insinuation: Harry’s a disreputable character and Conall knows it.

Harry shows Conall the artefact hooked up to a quantum computer.

Before Lines:

Conall: What is it?

Harry: It has many names. I call it the crystal ball.

Conall: What does it have to do with security?

Harry: The security of the world is at stake.

Conall: The security of the world is always at stake.

Harry: The crystal ball will benefit humanity. In the right hands.

Conall: You mean your hands.

After Lines:

Conall: What is it?

Harry: I call it the crystal ball.

Conall: What do you want me to do about it?

Harry: Recover it.

Conall: And then what? Give it to you?

Harry: I’ll see that it benefits humanity.

Conall: In what way?

Harry: The security of the world is at stake.

Conall: And it will continue to be at stake.

Implication: Even with the artefact, in Harry’s hands, the security of the world will still be at stake.

Conall and Jay are driving to the security office (this is after Conall takes the mission and his family has died in the fire).

Before Lines:

Jay turns back toward the passing landscape.

CONALL: This can do one of two ways. You can either help me or…

JAY: Or you’ll kill me?

CONALL: No. But I can make your life uncomfortable.

JAY: It’s already uncomfortable.

CONALL: What does that mean?

Jay silently shakes his head.

After Lines: I like this dialogue. I tried to elevate it but to no avail.

Sarcasm/Allusion: Sarcasm because Jay challenges Conall about killing him. Allusion because his life on Earth is already uncomfortable.

Before Lines:

Scene 14: Jay is taking Conall to where he hid the artefact after he stole it.

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. They always seem to know what you’re thinking.

Conall: I feel that same way about cats.

After Lines:

They’re driving along at night.

Conall: Do you have a family?

Jay: I did when I left on this mission?

Conall: When was that?

Jay: What happened to your family?

Conall: They were killed in a fire. Only the dog survived somehow.

Jay: I don’t like dogs. Always so needy.

Conall: That’s because they love unconditionally. What about cats?

Jay: Cats? I haven’t met a cat.

Conall: Cats always seem to know what you’re thinking. They tolerate their family.

Jay: Is that so?

Conall: Like you tolerate us.

Metaphor: I tried to set up a metaphor here. Conall tries to liken Jay to a cat, knows what you’re thinking, and tolerates its family. I’ll have to think on it more.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s loves Covering Sub-text

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is different methods of sub-text. I don’t think I knew this which made “getting” sub-text a long process for me. This is much easier with the labels.

Your goal: Build subtext dialogue into any scenes that you can.

Silence: Person doesn’t
answer when they should. Scene 44 – Jay remains silent as Lieutenant
Charlie is outraged that he has to do manual work when Jay could just move
the supplies with his mind.

Action incongruent with
words. Scene 39 – in the café, Jay wonders out loud if the civilization is
worth saving – insert he says he wants to go home and leave the fate of
the world to destiny.

Change subject. Scene 37
– Jay shows Conall his story in case Jay cannot bring Conall’s family back
by manipulating the timeline (sub-text – he’s not alone in losing the ones
he loved).

Question them. Scene 34 –
Harry questions his so called friends about stealing the artefact.

Attack back. Scene 33 –
Harry wants Jay to stop the event so he can dominate the world. Jay
retorts, why should I stop it? (meaning no one wants Harry in charge of
the world).

Complement them. Insert
this at the first meeting of Harry and Conall when Harry is boasting about
what a great philanthropist he is.

Misdirection: Do or say
something that sends their mind in a different direction. Scene 41 – is a
misdirection – Harry steals what he thinks is the artefact and quantum
computer from the security office. (But the real one is in the saucer.)

Make a joke of it. Scene
33 – Harry says there has to be a different answer than the one the
artefact gave him. But Conall says it’s the only answer and makes a joke
about not getting what we think we want.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Villain Track!

What I learned doing this assignment is that this helped to track the villains and their decisions throughout the story.

1. Ask the Villain Track questions to discover your Villain’s plan, decisions, and actions.

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.

The villain’s plan is in place but they’ve been complacent because Beatrice has friends in the upper tier of society and they’ve been getting away with it as they’re always one step ahead of the police.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

Jack goes after Victoria. But Victoria is physically and intellectually smarter than he is. He does too many drugs but still thinks he can take Victoria down because Beatrice relies more on Victoria now than Jack.

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?

Jack has goons at his disposal. When he goes to kidnap Victoria he has the goons do it for him. Also, he tries to convince Beatrice that Victoria isn’t all that she seems.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?

Death is a fitting end and a gruesome one at that.

2. Include labels with each step of their plan.

Develop your own set of labels, but make sure you clearly show decisions, plans, and actions your Villain takes.

1. Plan/Expand their human trafficking ring: Worming their way into the upper tiers of society makes it easy for the villains to source new “recruits” right under the nose of the people who run the world and the police.

2. Controlling Authorities: The villain has infiltrated police safe houses. They have places that fly under the radar of the police because these places are in very dangerous neighbourhoods.

3. Surprised: A new investor takes an active, hands on interest which threatens their operation.

4. Plan/Recruiting: The villains recruit girls that don’t quite fit into the upper tier of society through their infiltration of country clubs.

5. Mistake: Jack continues to do drugs that are affecting his memory and nearly gets himself killed by Victoria, or so he thinks.

6. Dilemma: If Jack does away with Victoria his mother Beatrice won’t be happy as Victoria brought a lot of money to the operation.

7. Surprised: The police have raided their new club and have discovered their girls in the police safe house.

8. Plan/Kill Heroine: Jack invites Victoria to one of his houses. But is surprised to find her there before him. He attempts to kill her but she is stronger.

9. Retaliation: Jack breaks into Victoria’s apartment. A fight ensues but Victoria is kidnapped by Jack and taken to a warehouse.

10. Surprised: It doesn’t go well for Jack as Victoria beats him up again.

11. Dilemma: Beatrice is arrested. In order to gain her freedom, she has to give up Jack and all the information on the human trafficking ring.

12. Plan/Sell the girls: Jack and Beatrice throw a party where their buyers will take possession of the girls.

13. Capture: Jack captures Victoria and takes her to his upscale apartment to end her.

14. Fitting End: After stringing Victoria up and whipping her, he’s going to kill her slowly. Unfortunately for Jack, Victoria has a little energy left to kill him.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Hero’s Mission Track

What I learned doing this assignment is because I’m using one of my very first scripts these brainstorming questions helped to answer some questions I had with the details I’d written.

1. Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.

A. What is it about this
Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming
odds? She has a lead in the disappearance of her sister several years
before. She feels guilt as she was out with her sister and her friends
when her sister disappeared.
B. What is the mission
that would be an impossible goal? Several years have passed and the case
is cold.
C. What strong internal
and external motivation could drive the hero? Internal motivation: Find
her sister, dead or alive, for closure for herself and her father.
External motivation: Close down a human trafficking ring where her lead
(the villain) is known to have ties to the ring and was also a friend of
her sister’s.

· D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? The villain could lead her to her sister and, in the big picture, the human trafficking ring. Or, she finds her sister but then their lives are in danger.

2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.

Clear Mission:

Motivation: Victoria is
guilt ridden because she was with her sister when she disappeared. She
needs to find her sister. Her lead being a man suspected of human
trafficking who was also a friend of her sister.
Inciting Incident: Runs
into a friend (who’s also undercover) who is being followed by Jack (the villain).
Victoria is introduced to Jack where she pretends to be looking for
investment opportunities.
First Action: Victoria
goes undercover. The police raid the club where she is working.
Obstacle: Jack (villain) he does way too many
drugs and is suspicious of Victoria throughout.
Escalation: We discover
Lizzie (the sister) is alive. And Jack has her captive.
Overwhelming Odds: Jack
and his partner Beatrice don’t tell them everything as they continue to
kidnap girls and sell them. They’ve also infiltrated a police safe house.
New Plan: Break into
Jack’s house and download his computer. Then break into Beatrice’s house
and gather as much information as they can.
Full out Attack: Arrest
Beatrice. Tell her she won’t go to jail if she gives them everything. But
Beatrice turns on them when she attempts to kill Victoria.
Success: The human trafficking ring has been shut
down. Jack and Beatrice and one of their own are dead.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Hero and Villain

What I learned doing this assignment is I didn’t know about the extrapolation process. I filled in one thing but I’m going to brainstorm more scenarios.

1. Fill in the blanks and see what shows up.

Concept:

Hero Morally Right: Victoria Williams infiltrates human
traffickers to find her sister.
Villain Morally Wrong: Jack
Baker and his mother Beatrice are morally corrupt because kidnapping and
trafficking humans is wrong, not to mention, the Oedipus thing they have
going on!

Hero – Victoria

A. Unique Skill Set: Police procedure, martial arts training,
fearless.
B. Motivation: Find her sister.
C. Secret or Wound: Guilt
because she was with her sister when she was kidnapped.

Villain

A. Unbeatable: Beatrice is smart, strategic and has
lots of contacts. Jack does too many drugs but still thinks he’s useful
because he’s a yes mommy type of guy.
B. Plan/Goal: To kidnap the largest amount of girls to
date. One last big sale and they can retire in the tropics.
C. What they lose if
Hero survives: They lose it all, money, house, contacts, being part of the
elite of society.

Impossible Mission

A. Puts Hero in Action: Victoria
goes undercover and infiltrates Beatrice and Jack’s inner circle.
B. Demands They Go
Beyond Their Best: Victoria has to
battle Jack and his goons to try and find her sister, stay alive and
maintain cover.
C. Destroy the Villain: Manipulate
Jack and his drug habit to get to Beatrice.<div>

Extrapolate: If ________, then what might ____________?

If Victoria has martial arts training, then what might Jack have to make him unbeatable: he could tell her he figured out who she was and he has her sister, and if anything happens to him, then her sister dies. Or, he overpowers her with his goons and kidnaps her thinking he can sell her to make big bucks.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Anticipatory Dialogue

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different ways to write anticipatory dialogue.

[Monica Arisman]

I apologize for being behind. I had to quickly rewrite another script for competition. Here is this completed lesson.

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different ways to write anticipatory dialogue.

Your goal: Have at least one anticipatory dialogue line in every other scene. That way, you are constantly pointing the mind of the audience toward the future of the story.

1. Direct prediction. –
Scene 1 – Conall’s wife predicts that nothing good can come from Conall
knowing Harry.

2. Indirect prediction. –
Scene 2 – Harry mutters – we’ll see about that after Conall turns him down
for the job.

3. Countdown. Scene 20 –
Jay explains that the past is only mutable to an extent and then it
becomes set. He says they only have days to recover the artefact and find
the event that needs to be changed.

4. Imply consequences.
Scene 4 – Harry implies consequences to Conall’s reputation and livelihood
if he fails to recover the artefact.

5. Imply hopelessness.
Scene 4 – Conall has lost his family so he says to Harry basically give it
your best shot what does it matter if I have a business when everything
that mattered is gone.

6. Shield from
consequences in advance. Scene 30 – Jay the Alien explains he’s only
authorized to make changes to one timeline and then lets Conall know, that
even that might not be enough to right the timeline.

7. Warnings. Scene 12 –
Conall issues a warning to Jay the Alien about either helping him or, Jay
answers, you’ll kill me?

8. Create reputation for
the villain. Scene 2 – references Harry’s reputation by saying “a man of
your reputation”.

9. Confront someone
hiding from a future consequence. Scene 31 – Jay confronts Conall about
his trying to change the timeline to bring his family back. May or may not
be possible.

10. A challenge issued.
Throughout Jay the Alien challenges Conall’s belief system with his
superior intelligence and technology.

11. Silence at a strange
time. Throughout Jay the Alien is silent. At the beginning, because he
doesn’t want to reveal all his superior skills and later when him and
Conall work together to thwart Harry.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the different viewpoints a writer can use to make dialogue more engaging.

Look through your scenes and find some that have very little dialogue.

Give the characters opposing viewpoints.

Different perspectives
Different objectives
Different realities
Different emotional
states
Different philosophies
Different issues

Give us one scene where you did Attack/Counterattack dialogue well.

In this scene, this is the first interaction between the protagonist, Conall, and the triangle character, Jay (our alien). But Conall does not know Jay’s an alien.

INT. SUBURBAN – DAY

Conall and Jay drive along. Jay looks out the window at the landscape. Conall keeps his eyes on the road.

CONALL

How much do you know about this artefact?

Silence.

CONALL

Not much of a talker are you?

Jay turns and looks at Conall.

JAY

Did you do all those things that Harry said you did?

CONALL

It was war. Shit happens.

JAY

You have no regard for your fellow human, do you?

CONALL

How does this artefact work?

JAY

You are unable to do anything about the past. It affects the future in ways one cannot predict.

CONALL

You didn’t answer the question.

Jay turns back toward the passing landscape.

CONALL

This can do one of two ways. You can either help me or…

JAY

Or you’ll kill me?

CONALL

No. But I can make your life uncomfortable.

JAY

It’s already uncomfortable.

CONALL

What does that mean?

Jay silently shakes his head.

CONALL

We’re going to be spending a lot of time together.

It’s best if you tell me everything you know.

JAY

About the artefact?

Conall nods.

JAY

It has the power to alter the universe. In the

wrong hands it will destroy everything.

CONALL

Cryptic.

(beat)

We’re here.

Conall stops the vehicle in front of a warehouse full of offices, but only one is occupied. Conall gets out. Stands in front of a glass door.

COFFEY SECURITY is itched into the glass.

Jay hops out of the vehicle. Looks around.

Conall holds the door. Jay glides through it.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is to use the fill in the blanks process and then elevate in subsequent drafts.

CONCEPT: A police detective returns home to join a taskforce to break a human trafficking ring with a lead on the disappearance of her sister several years ago. Only to learn her lead is one of the masterminds behind the human trafficking ring that’s been infiltrated.

CONVENTIONS:

1. Hero: A highly-skilled undercover police detective infiltrates a human trafficking ring and has to utilize all her fighting and instincts to survive.

2. Mission: To find her sister and take down the human trafficking ring.

3. Demand for Action: Infiltrate the human trafficking ring while maintaining cover.

4. Antagonist: A drug-fueled lackey with an Oedipus complex with his mommy who’s the real mastermind behind the enterprise.

5. Escalating Action: Forcing the undercover plan and thwarting each stream of income of the traffickers.

[Monica Arisman]

I, Monica Arisman, “agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Monica Arisman]

My name is Monica Arisman. I’ve written six features and one tv pilot. What I hope to get out of this class is brainstorming for my re-write of my female action script, which I hope to enter into competitions soon.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dialogue Structures

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is dialogue structures which I don’t think I really knew. And I really don’t understand how to do this.

2. Identify all the scenes in your script that could be driven by the dialogue.

Identified about six scenes to elevate. It’s going to take me awhile as I need to find more examples of these structures. I can do the sub-text but the others not so much.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it was rather fun using the character profiles and then putting oneself into the character and brainstorming a better line of dialogue.

3. Tell us how many lines you rewrote for each character and give us three of your favorites just for fun.

Protagonist 3 lines (as I have to rewrite the 4^th act because I killed someone off).

Antagonist 2 lines – one of the favourite ones is. The Antagonist just shot one of his partners and he’s bleeding all over the floor. I changed the dialogue from, I’ll call an ambulance. To, I just replaced that carpet. (Adds to him being an asshole.)

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Interests

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this
assignment is a process to go through a script and quickly add more interest
techniques.<div>

Scenes to elevate:

· Opening:

o Scene 2: Added an internal dilemma that will haunt the hero throughout the story – the hero suffers from PTSD as a result of the Iraq war. Added him freaking out in the restaurant as he remembers one of the darker episodes of his tour. Scene 1 is the darker tour which is a superior position.

· Protagonist Introduction:

o Scene 2: By adding the internal dilemma, there is an escalation of uncertainty – will Conall suffer a complete mental breakdown. This adds an uncomfortable moment, when his wife tries to calm him down while all the other patrons in the restaurant are staring and whispering.

· Antagonist Introduction:

o I’ve already made him pretty weasely. And have an uncomfortable moment, hints at something unseen.

o Scene 11: Here is revealed a list of Conall’s “war crimes”. Added uncomfortable moment when Conall attacks Harry for bringing it up. When the others in the room try to break it up, Conall takes them down also. Then he “snaps” out of it. Surveys the men on the floor who are either out cold or nursing bruised faces and bodies. Then that’s when they say, “yep, you’re our man”! Also, adds suspense because we don’t know how this will play out.

· Triangle Character Introduction:

o There is already intrigue as Jay’s appearance is odd. So he’s a mystery.

o Scene 13: Jay has just informed Conall’s team the artefact is not in Iraq. Do we have a betrayal? When Jay is challenged by the “go to move” of going for their guns, Jay becomes a larger than life Alien, SURPRISE. He becomes menacing and demonstrates his superior technological and biological skills (don’t know yet what that looks like). This will add an uncomfortable moment and a dilemma.

· Reveal of Jay’s mission:

o Scene 20: Added intrigue – if he’s here to change the future what does that mean for the rest of us. Added dilemma to Conall’s team, if they help Jay and change the timeline, they may not exist. If they don’t help Jay, they’re all dead anyways in a few years’ time.

o Scene 30: Added mystery – what would happen if Jay doesn’t follow the Galactic governing body’s rules – this would add another layer of conflict and mayhem.

· Most Dramatic Moments:

o Scene 41: Added superior position with Conall hiding inside the building while Harry steals what he thinks is the artefact.

o Scene 44: Added surprise. When the mercenaries come back and see the saucer it paralyzes them just enough and then the saucer becomes aggressive.

o Scene 51: Added surprise and a twist. Lieutenant Sarah gets killed. Not quite sure how this looks yet. But it leaves Jay and Conall against Harry and whomever else he has lurking in the shadows. Adds suspense. Sets Conall back mentally.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Elevated Emotion!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s not as easy as it sounds. I struggled with this and that’s maybe because I was already thinking about emotions as I was writing it.

3. Make a list of the scenes you’ve chosen, along with the strategy you might use to improve it. Label those scenes like this: Scene 5 Essence, Scene 6 Essence, etc.

Scene 11: Essence: After accepting the mission, Conall learns the artefact isn’t in Iraq from Jay. And that Jay stole the artefact.

Betrayal: Harry lied about the artefact’s whereabouts.

Betrayal: Jay has stolen the artefact.

Forced to do something they hate: Conall will have to force Jay to give up the location of the artefact using force.

Forced to do something they hate: Jay will have to reveal his real self in order to safeguard the artefact.

Strategy: Make Jay’s “scary alien” come forth.

Scene 49: Essence: After failing to get the real artefact, Harry has a meltdown.

Triggers a wound: Harry misses his wife and feels he failed her. Just like he failed to get the artefact.

Betrayal: Harry thinks Conall betrayed him because the artefact didn’t give him the answer he wanted.

Loss/Disappointment: Harry’s getting drunk because he failed to get the artefact. He’s still grieving.

Strategy: Harry’s a mean drunk and takes on Conall and Jay.

Scene 51: Essence: Harry has recruited one of Conall’s men and he’s going to make a play for the artefact.

Betrayal: Harry betrays Conall again.

Betrayal: One of Conall’s men betrays him again.

Forced to do something they hate: Have to kill one of his men. Again.

Strategy: There’s more of a show down between Conall and Harry.

Scene 57: Essence: Trying to shut down the time streams that Harry created by messing with the artefact. The last time stream has the hounds of hell at the door.

Sacrifice: Have to rescue Harry from the time stream he jumped into.

Proving himself to others: Conall has to prove he’s not a hot headed, killer.

Redemption: Conall rescues Harry making sure he didn’t corrupt that timeline.

Experiencing Distress: The HoH are almost out of the timeline.

Humiliation: All Conall can do is stand ready to destroy the HoH as Jay works furiously to shut the time stream down.

Frustration: Jay can’t find the event they need to change.

Success mixed with tragedy: Harry kills Lieutenant Sarah.

Strategy: Conall has to deal with a couple of hounds that get through. Kills Harry.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dramatic Reveals!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is another tool to elevate your draft. Should force you to see where you’re telling the story instead of showing the story (did for me anyways).

2. Make a list of all the reveals in your script. The changes to the script are underlined in italics.

A. Set-up: That the artefact is being pitched to Conall as a device needed to help humanity. (Beginning of Act 1)

What is the demand? Suspense. Why is this artefact so important?

What is being revealed? The artefact changes timelines. (Act 2)

How is it presented dramatically? Harry tells Conall the artefact can help humanity. But Conall declines because he knows Harry is lying. Re-write this scene where a bullet comes screaming into Harry’s office shattering all the glass.

B. Set-up: Conall holds a gun on Jay. (End of Act 1)

What is the demand? Building intrigue – Jay is technologically and evolutionarily superior.

What is being revealed? Jay is an alien. (Act 2)

How is it presented dramatically? Conall holds a gun on Jay, Jay melts the guns. Changes the situation because the “soldiers” are not in control anymore.

C. Set-up: Jay needs ice cream so Conall takes him to a café. (Act 2)

What is the demand? Create mystery – re-write this scene. Has to be more powerful?

What is being revealed? People worshipping their phones. Is civilization even worth saving? (Act 2)

How is it presented dramatically? Re-write. Maybe when Jay comes into the café all electronics stop working. Uncovers another layer.

D. Set-up: The artefact is set up to a quantum computer. (Act 2)

What is the demand? Suspense why does the artefact show the timeline ending in 2030 – this has to be more powerful.

What is being revealed? The artefact only shows the timeline to 2030. (Act 2)

How is it presented dramatically? Starting up the artefact and timelines appear.

E. Set-up: After set up the artefact shows many time streams. (Act 3)

What is the demand? Prediction – all timelines will converge into one and end in 2030.

What is being revealed? All timelines happen simultaneously. (Act 3)

How is it presented dramatically? Re-write to elevate. Twist.

F. Set-up: Conall turned Harry down for the mission. (Act 1)

What is the demand? Something unseen – Harry needs Conall to accept the mission so he manipulates him by killing his family in a fire. Now Conall has no reason not to accept the mission.

What is being revealed? Harry set the fire that killed Conall’s family. (Act 4)

How is it presented dramatically? Right now Harry tells Conall. Re-write so Conall sees what happened in one of the timelines.

G. Set-up: Other forces steal the artefact. (Act 1)

What is the demand? Surprise – why does CERN need the artefact?

What is being revealed? CERN steals the artefact.

How is it presented dramatically? A business card is left in the cave where the artefact was. Uncovers another layer of Jay which foils Conall. Re-write.

H. Set-up: Conall tries to manipulate the timeline to bring his family back. (Act 2)

What is the demand? Surprise – Jay did this for his friend.

What is being revealed? Conall finds his wife and kids alive – the timeline has changed. Jay did this for Conall. (Act 4)

How is it presented dramatically? When Conall drives Jay to the portal he takes him past his ruined house – only to discover the house is there and so is his family.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Loves Character Depth!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is another tool to elevate characters in a draft.

2. Use each of the Character Depth Tools to discover what you can.

Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.

1. Conall Coffey is in charge of a Special Forces team in the Middle East that has gone rogue on him.

2. He comes home and tries to resume a normal life with his family.

3. Meets Harry who has a proposition for a job for him but turns him down.

4. A house fire kills Conall’s family. Except the dog.

5. Meets with Harry and his partners and accepts the job. The job comes with an alien.

6. Conall and Jay (the alien) must steal an ancient artefact. But Jay has already stolen the artefact.

7. When Jay goes to show Conall the artefact, it is gone. It was stolen by another player.

8. Conall and Jay must steal the artefact back. Jay shows Conall some alien technology.

9. They recover the artefact and set it up. Conall tells Harry it is ready.

10. Conall knows Harry is going to try to steal the artefact. Betrayal

11. Conall sets up a fake artefact for Harry to steal.

12. Conall kidnaps Harry but he starts to play with the artefact which creates another artefact and activates more portals.

13. Conall must follow Harry into a portal that he’s jumped into. And rescue him.

14. Conall and Jay blow up the second artefact.

15. Harry admits he set the fire that killed Conall’s family. Conall kills him.

16. Jay finds the event he’s looking for to fix the future. Sends the lieutenant into the portal.

17. Conall drives Jay to his rendezvous place but drives by where his house used to stand.

18. Conall is surprised to see his house. He rushes inside to find his family safe and sound.

19. Conall and his family take Jay to the rendezvous place and bid him good-bye.

Notes:

A. Conall seems to be betrayed by those he should be able to trust.

B. Conall has lost everything because he thought he was taking care of his family.

C. Conall doesn’t want to be friends with an alien, but Jay is all he really has.

To elevate this character:

A. Increase the betrayal by his insubordinates in the war which increases his PTSD – which he doesn’t recognize he has.

B. Increase his fear that Jay and his lieutenants will betray him also.

Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?

· Conall is hiding his PTSD and his guilt.

· Does he have a death wish? After all, what part did he play in his subordinates going rogue and losing his family to the fire?

· His life is spiraling out of control.

Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?

Trigger ———————-Reaction – Story underneath the story: about betrayal and learning to trust

Subordinates going rogue ————–Execute the rogue elements

Fire kills his family ———————–Takes on a dangerous mission

Jay stole the artefact ———————-Nearly kills Jay

Re-steal the artefact ———————–Has nightmares

Someone else tries to steal the artefact ————drinks heavily

Harry tries to steal the artefact ———————-About to kill him when Jay intervenes

Sees families together ——————————Relives the fire

4. Tell us the changes you made using these tools.

1. Show the consequences to the rogue sub-ordinates – Conall executing them?

2. Show some of the symptoms of PTSD, ie. nightmares, hyperarousal – connect the war experience to losing his family to the fire.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Solved Scene Problems!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to make the script better with this grid. It helps you challenge every scene.

I re-wrote the opening scene. Removed another scene that wasn’t really doing the script any favours and re-wrote any scene that referred to the one I removed. Re-wrote my cliché scene using a format I’ve never used before!

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Script Exchange 1

I’m ready to exchange.

My script is an action/drama entitled TIME GUARDIANS.

Email me at marisman@shaw.ca when anyone is ready.

Thanks.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica is Cliché Busting!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is you have to be ever vigilant in writing. I’m always cognizant of clichés but sometimes they sneak in.

Then do this 4-part process with each scene that qualifies:

Identify the Cliché. Scene
6 – What part of this scene has been done before? The antagonist is
reciting the hero’s war crimes – feels like the scene from Avengers when
Loki recites Black Widow’s war crimes.
What is the purpose of
the scene? To get the hero to take the mission.
Brainstorm ideas that
deliver on that purpose until you find a unique one that works for your
story. I think I’m either going to do a montage of the war crimes or have
the antagonist find out what happens when you poke a bear!
Rewrite the scene to
honor the unique version.

4. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the actual script.

Cliché: Listing war crimes

New Version: Montage showing the war crimes instead.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Solved Character Problems!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is a framework to catch character issues at the beginning of the writing process rather than after several re-writes.

2. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.

A. Generic Lead
Characters. – No.

B. Weak protagonist or
antagonist. – No.

C. Protagonist Too Good
or Antagonist Too Bad. – No.

D. Weak character
intros. – Maybe – brainstorming an alternate opening.

E. Characters not in
action. – Maybe – will review as they are talking while doing action.

F. Protagonist journey not
strong. Maybe – brainstorming to make it stronger.

G. All the characters
seem the same. – No.

H. Lead characters not
present. – No.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Structure Solutions!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I was one of those people who thought someone else knew better about my story, and while I’ve learned a lot from those people, I’m glad that you have provided us with a structure to solve our scripts’ own problems.

TIME GUARDIANS — Beat Sheet

ALL SAUCER SCENES WERE OTHER LOCATIONS – CHANGED TO SAUCER TO CONTAIN SCRIPT LOCATIONS

SCENE # SCENE HEADING

1 INT. FRENCH RESTAURANT – NIGHT

2 INT. OFFICE – DAY

3 EXT. HOUSE FIRE – DAY

4 EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

5 INT. BAR – DAY

6 INT. OFFICE – DAY – INCITING INCIDENT

7 INT. DARK ROOM – NIGHT

8 INT. SUBURBAN – DAY

9 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

10 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

11 INT. SUBURBAN – NIGHT

12 INT. CAVE – NIGHT

13 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – DAY

14 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – DAY

15 INT. ELEVATOR – DAY – new scene for continuity

16 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

17 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

18 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

19 EXT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

20 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – Change of location

21 EXT. CERN – NIGHT

22 INT. CERN – NIGHT

23 INT. CERN – NIGHT

24 EXT. CERN – NIGHT

25 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT

26 INT. SECURITY BASE LOUNGE – LATER

27 INT. SECURITY BASE CONTROL CENTRE – DAY

28 INT. SAUCER – DAY – Change of location

29 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

30 INT. SAUCER – LATER – Change of location

31 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

32 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – DAY

33 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – change of location

34 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – change of location

35 INT. CAFÉ – DAY

36 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

37 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

38 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – NIGHT

39 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

40 EXT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

41 INT. SAUCER – LATER – change of location

42 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – night

43 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – NIGHT

44 EXT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT NEW Scene because he blew up his office – TO INCREASE STRENGTH OF TURNING POINT

45 INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT new scene

46 INT. EMERGENCY ROOM WAITING ROOM – NIGHT new scene

47 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – CHANGE OF LOCATION

48 EXT. SAUCER – DAY – CHANGE OF LOCATION

49 INT. SAUCER – LATER – CHANGE OF LOCATION

50 INT. TIME STEAM A – DAY NEW SCENE ADDED TWIST

51 EXT. FOREST – DAY (IN TIME STREAM A) NEW SCENE BUILD ON TWIST CREATE HOPE/FEAR

52 EXT. OUTSIDE BRITISH CAMP – NIGHT NEW SCENE BUILD ON TWIST CREATE HOPE/FEAR

53 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT CHANGE OF LOCATION

54 INT. SAUCER – DAY CHANGE OF LOCATION

55 INT. SAUCER – DAY CHANGE OF LOCATION

56 INT. SUBURBAN – EARLY MORNING

57 INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING

58 EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continues Act 4

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

How it’s going: Found several scenes that could be combined. Combined them. Finished Act 4! 91 pages. It’s shit. But it’s finished.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Started Act 4

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

How it’s going: Finished the first third of the final Act. Had to insert a couple of extra scenes for it to make sense. Ideas are flowing, continue to add script notes so as not forget them.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Finished Act 3

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward writing as fast as I can without going to do any revisions.

How it’s going: Finished Act 3. Going to go back and see where the plot went off the rails. Make notes as to how to fix it. But start Act 4 after that.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continues Act 3

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward.

How it’s going: Wrote the next 1/3 of Act 3.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Began Act 3

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep moving forward. Set a time limit for writing 1/3 of the Act.

How it’s going: Discovered a potential plot issue. Made a note. Kept going.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Completed Act 2

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is keep moving forward.

How it’s going: Finished the last third. Changed a location from a cave to a saucer (yes there’s an alien) just so I can keep the script more contained. Page count end of Act 2 – page 59 in FD.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Continuing Act 2

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the outline I wrote is pretty intuitive as to how this story unfolds. I haven’t really used outlines much before but am seeing the value more and more.

How it’s going: I wrote another third of Act 2 as fast as I could. I’m not wordsmithing but I am correcting spelling – drives me crazy if a word is spelt wrong. Continue to input script notes where I want to go back and elevate.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Began Act 2

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is keep moving forward. I set two hours aside to write and I wrote half the second act.

How it’s going: I’m combining some scenes as they take place in the same location. And I’ve written in a couple of transition scenes. If an idea comes to me, I make a script note and keep going.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Finished Act 1

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is just to move forward basically “fill-in the blanks” of the outline.

I’m done Act 1 and even sent it for feedback in my network.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Next Act 1 Scenes

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to review the rules, then the outline for the scene and write.

How’s it going: I’m finding I’m writing faster with the rules. I’m also finding I have a couple of scenes that are duplicates. But that’s ok. I have one more scene to go to finish up Act 1. I’m at 24 pages. Then I’ll review, do any editing. Then I need to research some time travel elements and make notes.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to review the rules, then the outline for the scene and write.

2. With each scene in your outline, transfer it to your writing program and write the scene. – Already had done this.

3. Continue to do scene after scene until you have Act 1 complete. – One more scene to complete.

4. Do a quick edit, but don’t spend time trying to make the words perfect. We’ll do that in the final draft.

5. How you used the High-Speed Writing Rules and any insights you had about writing a first draft – Reviewed the rules and the outline before writing. I did, however, make script notes so I wouldn’t forget some ideas that popped into my head. Then kept writing. Before I would ponder how I wanted to present the new idea and get bogged down.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s First Scene

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is by using the short version of the lesson I was able to write faster because I wasn’t focusing on anything else.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s High Speed Writing Rules

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to relax and write. Not to worry about perfection.

How it went using the rules: I reviewed the rules and what I wanted to accomplish in the scent, took a deep breath and just wrote. I had it done in 15 minutes. Whereas before, I’d agonize over the scene. So far so good.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s fascinating scenes

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is once you have all the elements in the scenes it should make it easier to write a good script.

Scene Arc: Conall and his wife are out for a romantic dinner when Harry interrupts.

1. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Conall and his wife are out for a romantic dinner. Harry strolls up and wants to meet Conall as he’s heard so much about him and his bravery.

Essence: Conall spending time with his wife after being away.

Conflict: Why is Harry really interrupting their dinner?

Sub-text: Conall is irritated because he wants to spend time with his wife.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can make Harry go away. Fear that Harry is a crazed “fan”.

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Conall only has eyes for his wife until they are rudely interrupted by Harry.

Middle: (Mystery) Who is Harry and what does he really want?

Ending: (Surprise) Harry hands Conall his card and asks him for a meeting.

Scene Arc: Conall meets Harry but leaves without taking the mission.

2. INT. OFFICE – DAY

Harry meets Conall at Harry’s office. Harry pitches a mission to Conall. Conall declines and leaves. Harry picks up the phone and makes a call.

Essence: Harry wants Conall to take a mission.

Conflict: Conall refuses the mission.

Sub-text: Conall doesn’t trust nor like Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can walk away. Fear for Conall if he doesn’t take the mission.

Beginning: (Creating a future) Conall meets Harry at his opulent office.

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Conall wants to leave his past behind yet Harry just offered him a job.

Ending: (Prediction) Harry makes a phone call. But to whom?

Scene Arc: From Conall’s trying to get into his burning house to accepting his family is dead.

3. EXT. HOUSE FIRE – DAY

Conall arrives back at his house. It’s on fire. Multiple fire trucks and police are there. The police prevent Conall from getting to the house. A black car down the street slowly drives by.

Essence: Harry wants Conall to do the mission so bad he kills Conall’s family in a fire.

Conflict: Conall vs emergency services to get to his family.

Sub-text: Harry set the fire to get Conall to take the mission.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can save his family. Fear Conall will be devastated by the death of his family.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Conall sees his house on fire.

Middle: (Mystery) Who started the fire?

Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Conall realizes his family is gone.

Scene Arc: Conall meets Harry again at the graveyard.

4. EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Conall lays flowers and small Irish flags at a grave. Stands. Looks off into the distance. Sees Harry at another grave. Conall saunters over to where Harry laying flowers on a grave.

Essence: Harry tries a different tactic to get Conall to do the mission.

Conflict: Conall suspects Harry isn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sub-text: With his family dead Conall suspects Harry set the fire but he needs proof.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall discovers Harry set the fire. Fear that Conall will end up dead.

Beginning: (External Dilemma) Conall sees Harry and goes to see him.

Middle: (Mystery) Who is Harry and what does he really want?

Ending: (Misinterpretation) Conall thinks Harry is there to visit his wife’s grave.

Scene Arc: Meet at the bar to toast their families and end up at agreeing to another meeting at Harry’s office.

5. INT. BAR – DAY

Conall and Harry have a drink. Harry tries again to recruit Conall by showing him a picture of an artefact that can help humanity. And could probably answer the question who set the fire? Conall agrees to another meeting.

Essence: Will the artefact change Conall’s mind?

Conflict: Conall believes Harry is lying.

Sub-text: Harry sells Conall on the idea that the artefact will help humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall sees through Harry’s scheme. Fear he will die trying to get this artefact.

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Conall only has eyes for his wife until they are rudely interrupted by Harry.

Middle: (Intrigue) What is this artefact?

Ending: (Surprise) Conall agrees to another meeting.

Scene Arc: From a cordial meeting to a detail of all of Conall’s ruthlessness and potential crimes

6. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – DAY

There are five other men present when Conall joins this meeting. One is Jay-the-Alien. Harry plays hardball as he details Conall’s ruthlessness and potential crimes. onall accepts the mission. To steal the artefact from a museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay. Conall and Jay leave. After Conall and Jay are gone, the other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails he’s out.

Essence: They are going to get Conall to do this mission.

Conflict: Will Conall show them just how ruthless he can be?

Sub-text: Conall’s time as a Special Forces commander wasn’t all that heroic.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill them all right there.

Beginning: (Twist) Harry reveals Conall to be a rogue Special Forces guy who tends to go off the reservation.

Middle: (Mystery) Who are these people that Harry leads?

Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Conall is forced to accept the mission because Harry is dangerous.

LATER

Harry is left alone with the other four men. They tell Harry that if the mission fails he’s out because he’s too emotional over the death of his wife.

Harry pulls a gun and shoots one of them in the knee cap. Reminds them he’s the only intelligent one amongst them who can program the artefact to do what they need it to do.

Essence: Harry needs to exert his control over the elite.

Conflict: Harry is the only intelligent one to program the artefact.

Sub-text: The Elite are arrogant.

Hope/Fear: Hope Harry kills the Elite. Fear he’ll save his killing for Conall.

Beginning: (Prediction) Harry’s future could be at risk.

Middle: (Something Unseen) Does this artefact actually help humanity or does it do something else entirely?

Ending: (Surprise) By shooting one of them, Harry re-exerts his control.

Scene Arc: The hacker is making mischief.

7. INT. DARK ROOM – NIGHT

A hooded figure sits behind numerous computer screens. The screens display financial data of some sort. Intriguing Moment: Hidden Identity – who is this person and what is he/she doing.

Essence: Hacker is stealing money.

Conflict: The hacker vs everyone he’s stealing from.

Sub-text: The hacker is stealing money.

Hope/Fear: Hope the hacker gets caught. Fear he won’t.

Beginning: (Something Unseen) Who is this and how does he affect the mission?

Middle: (Superior Position) Stealing bitcoin.

Ending: (Twist) Harry is stealing the rest of the Elite’s bitcoin.

Scene Arc: Conall sets off to steal the artefact.

8. INT. SUBURBAN – DAY

Conall and Jay drive along. Conall wants to know all about this artefact, but Jay doesn’t answer him.

Essence: Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact.

Conflict: Conall and Jay when Jay won’t tell him what the artefact really does.

Sub-text: Conall’s knows they’re all lying to him.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill Jay.

Beginning: (External Dilemma) Conall wants to know about the artefact but the person with the answers won’t tell him. How should he deal with this?

Middle: (Mystery) Who is Jay?

Ending: (Misinterpretation) Conall misinterprets Jay’s silence for obstruction.

Scene Arc: Conall’s plan to steal the artefact but Jay tells him he’s already stolen it.

9. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall’s security firm’s offices. Gathers his team to plan the mission. He’s confident they can be in and out in five days. Jay looks around.

Jay tells them the artefact isn’t where Harry thinks it is. Because he stole it. Conall pulls a gun on Jay demanding to know what his purpose is on the mission. Jay pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and Conall’s gun melts.

Essence: Stealing the artefact.

Conflict: Jay’s already stolen it.

Sub-text: Who is Jay? Why did he steal the artefact?

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill Jay.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Conall believes Jay has betrayed the mission.

Middle: (Suspense) Stand-off between Conall and Jay.

Ending: (Surprise) Conall discovers violence isn’t going to work with Jay.

10. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission.

Essence: Jay isn’t who Conall thinks he is.

Conflict: Jay’s already stolen it.

Sub-text: Who is Jay?

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill Jay.

Beginning: (Twist) Jay already knew about the artefact and secured it.

Middle: (Suspense) Stand-off between Conall and Jay.

Ending: (Twist) Jay has the magic cuff bracelet!

(Theme: good vs evil).

Scene Arc: Going to where Jay has set up the artefact.

11. INT. SUBURBAN – NIGHT

Conall, Jay and a few other team members drive to where Jay has hidden the artefact.

Essence: Conall gets to see what this artefact looks like.

Conflict: Conall doesn’t trust Jay.

Sub-text: Conall plans to kill Jay.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill everyone if the artefact is a myth.

Beginning: (Suspense) Conall believes he’s walking into a trap.

Middle: (Uncertainty) Conall is beginning to think this artefact isn’t worth the cost.

Ending: (Surprise) Jay’s hidden it in a cave.

Scene Arc: From the team entering the cave to hunting down the missing artefact.

12. INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Jay leads the team deep into the cave through steel doors with major security.

Essence: They are looking for the artefact.

Conflict: Will Conall believe Jay even had the artefact?

Sub-text: What’s so special about this artefact that someone else wants it?

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall believes Jay. Fear Conall has a new target to kill.

Beginning: (Something Unseen) Conall is surprised at the level of security. Why?

Middle: (More interesting setting) A high tech cave.

Ending: (Misinterpretation) Conall is doubting Jay.

INCITING INCIDENT: The artefact is gone.

13. INT. CAVE – NIGHT

The team search the cave for the artefact. Jay shows Conall he had it through the review of the security footage. But how did they get in? Conall says he knows one of the perpetrators. And he knows where to find him.

Turning Point: Someone else stole the artefact.

Essence: Conall thinks he’s been betrayed.

Conflict: Conall vs Jay.

Sub-text: Conall’s knows who stole the artefact. Thinks Jay had something to do with it.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall has patience. Fear he’ll give up the mission and then get killed.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Conall believes Jay has betrayed the mission.

Middle: (Intrigue) Who stole the artefact based on security footage?

Ending: (Twist) Conall thinks he knows who did it.

Scene Arc: Conall tells Harry the artefact has been stolen and demanding to know what it really is.

14. EXT. DESERTED ROAD – DAY

Conall meets Harry to tell him the artefact has been stolen.

Essence: Conall knows Harry is lying.

Conflict: Conall refuses to continue until he knows what this artefact is.

Sub-text: Conall’s knows who stole the artefact but isn’t talking.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall get his answers. Fear he’ll give up the mission and then get killed.

Beginning: (Suspense) Conall is prepared for Harry to go off on him.

Middle: (Superior Position) Conall knows who stole the artefact.

Ending: (Cliffhanger) Conall is concerned about how Harry is going to take this.

15. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – DAY

The Elite are furious with Harry because someone stole the artefact. Harry puts his gun on the table and wants to know which one of them financed merc’s to steal the artefact.

Essence: What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: Harry versus the rest of the Elite.

Sub-text: There’s a game within the game being played by the Elite.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact can be retrieved. Fear the artefact is gone.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Harry suspects one of his group stole the artefact.

Middle: (Mystery) Who?

Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) None of the Elite are forthcoming – knows Harry might shoot one of them.

Act 2:

Scene Arc: From the safety of the security base to the interior of CERN back to the base.

16. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall tells Jay, he suspects agents from CERN stole the artefact.

Essence: What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: They’re going to confront CERN and steal the artefact back.

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear he might be killed.

Beginning: (Something Unseen) CERN agents stole the artefact.

Middle: (Dilemma) Conall believes he knows who stole the artefact but should he reveal it to Jay.

Ending: (Prediction) Going to have to retrieve the artefact from CERN.

17. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Jay tells Conall he can get them into CERN. Conall demands to know what is so important about the artefact.

Essence: Who is Jay? What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: Conall says they have to break-in. Jay says they don’t.

Sub-text: Jay is more than he appears.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will end up in the wrong hands.

Beginning: (Mystery) Jay is adamant he can get them into CERN. Conall doesn’t believe him.

Middle: (Surprise) Jay demonstrates how he can get them into CERN.

Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Jay finally reveals the alien he is.

18. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall tells Jay he will buy them airplane tickets to Geneva. Jay tells him they don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!

Essence: Need to get the artefact at all costs.

Conflict: Jay reveals who he is throwing Conall’s belief system into chaos.

Sub-text: Conall knows Jay can help him get his family back.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will end up in the wrong hands.

Beginning: (Something Unseen) Conall continues to disbelieve what he’s seeing in Jay.

Middle: (Creating a Future) Jay has more tech at his disposal.

Ending: (Surprise) A saucer.

19. EXT. CERN – NIGHT

Jay lands the saucer close to the CERN facility at night. Jay takes Conall’s arm and they disappear into the CERN facility.

Essence: Using alien technology to recover alien technology.

Conflict: Will they get caught?

Sub-text: CERN is going to get a surprise when people just appear out of thin air.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will be destroyed and Jay with it.

Beginning: (Something Unseen) Conall doesn’t like not knowing the plan.

Middle: (Suspense) How are they going to recover the artefact?

Ending: (Surprise) Jay has an “app” for that!

20. INT. CERN – NIGHT

Conall and Jay re-appear inside. Conall wants to know where they go from there. Jay checks his bracelet to get the direction of the artefact. He put a tracker on it.

Essence: They are there to get the artefact.

Conflict: Will they get caught?

Sub-text: Conall doesn’t know what to expect.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll get caught.

Beginning: (Suspense) Will they get caught?

Middle: (Suspense) How will they know where the artefact is?

Ending: (Suspense) Once they find out how are they going to get it out?

21. INT. CERN – NIGHT

Jay pushes buttons on his cuff bracelet, grabs Conall and they disappear. And re-appear where the artefact is. It is hooked up to a huge quantum computer. Alarms go off.

Essence: Stealing back the artefact.

Conflict: Fight CERN for the artefact.

Sub-text: Conall and Jay have the element of surprise.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll be killed trying to steal it back.

Beginning: (Twist) Jay knows where the artefact is.

Middle: (Mystery) What did CERN want with the artefact?

Ending: (Suspense) Alarms finally go off alerting CERN to Conall and Jay’s presence. Will they survive?

22. INT. CERN – NIGHT

Conall grabs Jay’s arm, and they disappear.

Essence: The artefact has been retaken.

Conflict: Get out of CERN alive.

Sub-text: Conall and Jay have the element of surprise.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll be killed trying to steal it back.

Beginning: (Suspense) Conall, Jay and the artefact disappear with seconds to spare.

Middle: (Uncertainty) They’re being chased by security.

Ending: (Superior Position) Conall and Jay have the saucer as their get-away vehicle.

23. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Conall and Jay return to the secret security base. Conall gives Jay a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Essence: Everyone is safe, and the artefact can be set up again.

Conflict: Conall wants to know what the artefact really does.

Sub-text: Conall will take the artefact hostage until he gets answers.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall will get answers. Fear he’ll get them by force.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Conall examines the artefact.

Middle: (Mystery) Conall wants to know what the artefact does.

Ending: (Uncertainty) Conall thinks it should be destroyed.

Scene Arc: Setting up the artefact and finding out what it really does.

24. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall demands to know what is so important about the artefact.

Essence: The artefact changes timelines.

Conflict: Conall and Jay will have to fight Harry and friends.

Sub-text: Conall knows he has to keep the artefact away from Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can keep the artefact safe. Fear they’ll be killed by the Elite.

Beginning: (Twist) The artefact changes the timeline.

Middle: (Creating A Future) Setting up the artefact could bring Conall’s family back.

Ending: (Suspense) Conall has to tell Harry they’ve recovered the artefact. Can they keep it safe from Harry?

25. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall sets up the artefact to the quantum computer as per Jay’s instruction. Gets a call from Harry to meet.

Essence: The artefact in action.

Conflict: What will Harry do?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can keep the artefact safe. Fear he might be killed.

Beginning: (Mystery) Conall is awestruck by the artefact.

Middle: (Intrigue) Why does Jay want the artefact?

Ending: (Internal Dilemma) How much should Conall reveal to Harry?

26. EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

Conall meets Harry on a deserted road. He searches Harry for weapons then blindfolds him and takes him to the secret base.

Essence: Conall doesn’t trust Harry, but he is paying the bills.

Conflict: Will Harry try to take the artefact?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact especially the Elite.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall protect Jay and the artefact. Fear he may have to kill to accomplish it.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Conall meets Harry but doesn’t trust him.

Middle: (Suspense) What will Harry do?

Ending: (Dilemma) What to do about Harry?

27. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Conall brings Harry in while Jay is programming the artefact.

Essence: To demonstrate what the artefact does.

Conflict: Will Harry try to take it?

Sub-text: Conall wonders how you would know if the timeline had been changed.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear he’ll have to destroy it.

Beginning: (Surprise) Harry is in awe of the artefact.

Middle: (Suspense) Conall is concerned about what Harry will do.

Ending: (Uncertainty) What will Harry do?

28. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question. Harry asks his question.

Essence: The artefact can give answers to specific questions.

Conflict: Will Harry get the answer he seeks?

Sub-text: Conall is suspicious of Harry and the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear he might be killed.

Beginning: (Creating a Future) Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question.

Middle: (Suspense) What is the question?

Ending: (Dilemma) Is Conall ready to kill Harry if the artefact doesn’t give him the right answer?

29. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Harry looks at the answer, doesn’t like it. Tries again. Same answer. Harry yells and screams that Conall, and Jay did something to the artefact. Jay throws Harry across the room without laying a finger on him.

Essence: Harry doesn’t like the answers the artefact gives.

Conflict: Will Harry destroy the artefact?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear Jay might have to kill Harry.

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Harry goes beserk.

Middle: (Mystery) Why does Harry want to ask that question?

Ending: (Character changes radically) Jay turns violent.

Midpoint Turning Point: The artefact keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

Scene Arc: From Conall returning Harry to the meeting place to Harry planning on stealing the artefact from Conall.

30. EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

Conall returns Harry to their meeting place. Conall tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do and he’ll stop him.

Essence: What to do about Harry?

Conflict: Conall tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do.

Sub-text: Conall has to stop Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can stop Harry. Fear he might be killed.

Beginning: (Creating a Future) Conall has to stop Harry at all costs.

Middle: (Twist) Conall knows what Harry is trying to do.

Ending: (Betrayal) Harry accuses Conall of betraying him.

31. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – DAY

Harry gathers his group. Conall and Jay must die, and the artefact recovered so he can program it to give them the answer he wants.

Essence: Plan to get the artefact away from Conall?

Conflict: They’re going to steal the artefact.

Sub-text: Once Harry has the artefact, he will dispose of the rest of them.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can stop Harry. Fear he might be killed.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Harry betrays Conall and Jay.

Middle: (Prediction) Harry puts a hit on Conall and Jay.

Ending: (Superior Position) We know Jay has “powers” that will defeat Harry.

Scene Arc: From Conall studying the artefact to leaving it for the Elite.

32. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. Action Conall: Obstructive. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving Harry the same answer.

Essence: Can the artefact save Conall’s family?

Conflict: Will Conall be able to program it without Jay knowing?

Sub-text: Conall thinks the artefact can bring his family back.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can reprogram the artefact. Fear Jay will stop him.

Beginning: (Suspense) Conall studies the artefact to determine what else it can do.

Middle: (Intrigue) Conall tries to disguise his actions from Jay.

Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Conall is desperate.

33. INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Jay offers to help Conall but first they must stop Harry.

Essence: Jay knows what Conall is trying to do.

Conflict: Will Jay help Conall?

Sub-text: Jay knows more than he lets on.

Hope/Fear: Hope Jay helps Conall. Fear Harry will stop them.

Beginning: (Surprise) Jay knows what Conall is trying to do.

Middle: (Suspense) Jay tells Conall his story.

Ending: (Twist) We know now why Jay needs the artefact.

34. INT. CAFÉ – DAY

Conall brings Jay to a café, and they order ice cream. Jay watches the people play on their phones.

Essence: Can the artefact save humanity?

Conflict: Why save a bunch of robots from themselves?

Sub-text: Is humanity worth saving?

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact can save the future. Fear the future isn’t worth saving.

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Jay observes humanity.

Middle: (Prediction) Jay tells Conall humanity’s future.

Ending: (Dilemma) Conall wonders if he can program the artefact to take the timeline back 100 years.

35. INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact. Then leaves with Conall.

Essence: The artefact is in danger.

Conflict: Will Conall be able to save the artefact?

Sub-text: Need to keep the artefact away from Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can save the artefact. Fear Harry will win.

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Jay, Conall and the artefact are in danger.

Middle: (Mystery) How does Harry know where the artefact is?

Ending: (Twist) They leave the artefact for the Elitle.

36. INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

Harry leads a mercenary team to storm the base, but Conall and Jay are gone. The artefact remains but displays the future.

Essence: Can the artefact show Harry the future he wants?

Conflict: Will Harry be able to program it?

Sub-text: Harry thinks the artefact can make him king of the world.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry will get what he wants.

Beginning: (Surprise) Harry discovers no resistance.

Middle: (Twist) The artefact displays a future.

Ending: (Betrayal) By Jay and Conall against Harry.

37. INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

Harry dismantles the artefact. Him and his team take it and leave.

Essence: Will the artefact work for Harry?

Conflict: Will Harry get caught?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Harry takes the artefact but can he make it work.

Middle: (Suspense) Will Harry destroy the artefact if he doesn’t get the answer wants?

Ending: (Character changes radically) Harry is consumed by power.

38. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – NIGHT

Harry sets up the artefact, but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030.

Essence: Will the artefact work for Harry?

Conflict: What happens when the artefact doesn’t give Harry his answer?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is right. Fear Harry wins.

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Harry goes beserk.

Middle: (Uncertainty) The artefact is in danger from Harry.

Ending: (Superior Position) Jay’s future is in danger.

Act 3:

Scene Arc: From Harry having the artefact to Harry being taken down by Conall.

39. INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Conall gathers his team in Jay’s cave to plan the assault to get the artefact back.

Essence: The artefact is too dangerous to be in the hands of a madmen.

Conflict: Will Conall get the artefact away from Harry?

Sub-text: Harry doesn’t know Conall’s coming for him.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry kills Conall.

Beginning: (Suspense) What’s the plan to retrieve the artefact?

Middle: (Suspense) Will they succeed?

Ending: (Superior Position) Harry wants them dead.

40. EXT. CAVE – NIGHT

As Conall and the team are going moving out another group of “assassins” show up. Gunfight ensues. Until Jay presses a button on his cuff bracelet and all the assassin’s guns melt.

Essence: Harry wants Conall and Jay dead.

Conflict: Will Conall survive?

Sub-text: The artefact is a dangerous item.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

Beginning: (Suspense) Conall is ambushed by another group of assassins.

Middle: (Surprise) Jay uses his bracelet surprising the assassins.

Ending: (Intrigue) Harry’s playing hardball now.

41. INT. CAVE – LATER

Take an “assassin” hostage. Learn he’s been hired by CERN to kill Conall and Jay.

Essence: Harry has the artefact. CERN has sent assassins to kill Conall and Jay.

Conflict: Will Conall and Jay find Harry?

Sub-text: Conall needs answers from the assassin.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall gets the answers. Fear he’ll kill the assassin.

Beginning: (Intrigue) The assassin confirms CERN’s agenda.

Middle: (Twist) CERN wants Conall and Jay dead too.

Ending: (Creating a future) Time to recover the artefact and deal with Harry. Then CERN.

Scene Arc: From the Elites coming to confront Harry to Harry killing them.

42. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – NIGHT

The Elites come to Harry’s office. They tell him all their bitcoin accounts have been hacked. Harry kills them all.

Essence: Harry is still trying to get the artefact to work for him.

Conflict: Will Harry get caught?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power because he’s stolen all their money.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Harry has betrayed the Elites.

Middle: (Uncertainty) What are the Elites going to do about Harry?

Ending: (Twist) Harry kills them all. Now he’s in charge.

43. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – LATER

Conall and Jay find Harry alone at his office trying to program the artefact.

Essence: Harry is still trying to get the artefact to work for him.

Conflict: Will Harry get caught?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power because he’s stolen all their money.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Conall and Jay find Harry.

Middle: (Suspense) How will Conall deal with Harry?

Ending: (Surprise) Harry doesn’t expect Conall.

Scene Arc: From Harry working on the artefact to it being taken over by Conall.

44. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – LATER

Conall and Jay bust into Harry’s office. Lots of dead bodies. Jay takes over work on the artefact while Conall ties Harry up.

Essence: Has the artefact been compromised?

Conflict: Will Conall kill Harry?

Sub-text: Harry did something to the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope the timeline is safe. Fear Harry has corrupted the present timeline.

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Has the artefact been compromised?

Middle: (Dilemma) Should Conall kill Harry now?

Ending: (Suspense) Something’s wrong with the artefact.

45. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Jay turns to Conall and Harry demanding to know what he did. Harry sobs as he gets beat up because he doesn’t know the answer.

Essence: The artefact shows all timelines happening simultaneously.

Conflict: Will Conall kill Harry?

Sub-text: Harry did something to the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope the timeline is safe. Fear Harry has corrupted the present timeline.

Beginning: (Twist) Harry broke the timelines.

Middle: (Suspense) Which one is the present timeline?

Ending: (Dilemma) Conall wants to kill Harry now.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The Timeline has been changed but will it be for the better.

Act 4:

Scene Arc: From Harry corrupting the timeline to Jay fixing it.

Climax:

46. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Conall works on trying to re-program the artefact. But the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts.

Essence: The artefact takes on a life of its own.

Conflict: Conall tries to re-program the artefact.

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can reverse the damage. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

Beginning: (Suspense) Jay can’t fix the artefact.

Middle: (Suspense) Now there’s two artefacts showing multiple timelines

Ending: (Twist) Harry thinks he’s won.

47. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real?

Essence: Another timeline has emerged.

Conflict: Which timeline is the original timeline?

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can merge the timelines back into the original one. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

Beginning: (Creating a future) Conall’s worried Jay can’t fix the artefact.

Middle: (Suspense) Conall demands to know what Harry did.

Ending: (Uncertainty) No one wants a future where Harry is in charge.

48. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – LATER

Harry tells Conall he set the fire that killed his family.

Essence: Harry thinks he’s won.

Conflict: Harry set the fire. Will Conall kill him?

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall kills Harry. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

Beginning: (Twist) Harry set the fire.

Middle: (Surprise) The artefact is communicating.

Ending: (Uncertainty) Harry’s days are numbered.

49. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. He picks up his gun.

Essence: The timeline must be restored.

Conflict: Jay’s cuff bracelet of doom!

Sub-text: Harry has lost – he just doesn’t realize it yet.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can reverse the damage. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Conall and Jay aren’t afraid of Harry’s gun.

Middle: (Surprise) Harry doesn’t expect his gun to melt.

Ending: (Cliffhanger) What happens now?

50. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Jay pushes another button on the second artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins.

Essence: Jay fixes the timeline.

Conflict: Is this the correct timeline?

Sub-text: The timelines must merge back into one to move forward.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall needs to trust Jay. Fear the timelines cannot be merged back – what happens then?

Beginning: (Surprise) Jay knew how to fix the artefact.

Middle: (Dilemma) Should Conall kill Harry now?

Ending: (Dilemma) How do we know this is the right timeline?

Resolution:

51. INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Conall gives Harry a choice – die or choose the new timeline.

Essence: Conall gives Harry a choice.

Conflict: Conall’s more than happy to end Harry.

Sub-text: Conall’s as ruthless as he’s been made out to be.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall kills Harry. Fear Harry choses the new timeline.

Beginning: (Surprise) That Conall gives Harry a choice.

Middle: (Suspense) Should Conall kill Harry now?

Ending: (Surprise) Harry chooses the new timeline. Conall kills Harry.

52. INT. SUBURBAN – EARLY MORNING

Conall and Jay the artefact into Conall’s vehicle. He drives by to show Jay where he lived. The house is there in one piece. Conall screeches to a halt.

Essence: The artefact and the timeline is safe.

Conflict: Conall and Jay must part ways.

Sub-text: Jay changed the timeline for his friend.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall’s family is safe. Fear it’s a trick

Beginning: (Surprise) Conall’s house is in one piece.

Middle: (Uncertainty) What will Conall find in the house?

Ending: (Twist) Jay changed the timeline for Conall.

53. INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING

Conall races into the house. He finds his wife and kids making breakfast.

Essence: The mission is completed.

Conflict: Conall is emotional something he’s never been.

Sub-text: Jay manipulated the timeline for his friend.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall’s family is safe. Fear Jay’s manipulation changed the present.

Beginning: (Surprise) Conall’s family is alive and well.

Middle: (Uncertainty) What did the manipulation of the timeline do for Jay?

Ending: (Dilemma) How do we know this is the right timeline?

54. EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT

Conall and his wife accompany Jay to the cave. A portal is open where a ship awaits.

Essence: The world has changed.

Conflict: Will the change be for better or worse?

Sub-text: Conall never really had a friend and will miss Jay.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can start over. Fear the timeline change will make him lose his family all over again.

Beginning: (Uncertainty) The world has changed.

Middle: (Suspense) Is the timeline change a good thing?

Ending: (Twist) Jay tells Conall how to contact him.

55. EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT

Conall and his wife wave good-bye to Jay. Jay’s ship enters the portal. The portal closes.

The catastrophe has been averted.

Sub-text: Conall must determine that the catastrophe has been averted.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall continues. Fear that the timeline change has made things worse.

Beginning: (Dilemma) Conall must investigate the new timeline.

Middle: (Dilemma) What will he find?

Ending: (Hope) The timeline will be better.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s scene requirements

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how powerful the script will be after doing the last several assignments, with this assignment being the meat of each scene.

Scene Arc: Conall meets Harry but leaves without taking the mission.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Harry meets Conall at Harry’s office. Harry pitches a mission to Conall. Conall declines and leaves. Harry picks up the phone and makes a call.

Essence: Harry wants Conall to take a mission.

Conflict: Conall refuses the mission.

Sub-text: Conall doesn’t trust nor like Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can walk away. Fear for Conall if he doesn’t take the mission.

Scene Arc: From Conall’s trying to get into his burning house to accepting his family is dead.

EXT. HOUSE FIRE – DAY

Conall arrives back at his house. It’s on fire. Multiple fire trucks and police are there. The police prevent Conall from getting to the house. A black car down the street slowly drives by.

Essence: Harry wants Conall to do the mission so bad he kills Conall’s family in a fire.

Conflict: Conall vs emergency services to get to his family.

Sub-text: Harry set the fire to get Conall to take the mission.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can save his family. Fear Conall will be devastated by the death of his family.

Scene Arc: Conall meets Harry again at the graveyard.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Conall lays flowers and small Irish flags at a grave. Stands. Looks off into the distance. Sees Harry at another grave. Conall saunters over to where Harry laying flowers on a grave.

Essence: Harry tries a different tactic to get Conall to do the mission.

Conflict: Conall suspects Harry isn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sub-text: With his family dead Conall suspects Harry set the fire but he needs proof.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall discovers Harry set the fire. Fear that Conall will end up dead.

Scene Arc: Meet at the bar to toast their families and end up at agreeing to another meeting at Harry’s office.

INT. BAR – DAY

Conall and Harry have a drink. Harry tries again to recruit Conall by showing him a picture of an artefact that can help humanity. And could probably answer the question who set the fire? Conall agrees to another meeting.

Essence: Will the artefact change Conall’s mind?

Conflict: Conall believes Harry is lying.

Sub-text: Harry sells Conall on the idea that the artefact will help humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall sees through Harry’s scheme. Fear he will die trying to get this artefact.

Scene Arc: From a cordial meeting to a detail of all of Conall’s ruthlessness and potential crimes.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

There are five other men present when Conall joins this meeting. One is Jay-the-Alien. Harry plays hardball as he details Conall’s ruthlessness and potential crimes.

Conall accepts the mission. To steal the artefact from a museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay. Conall and Jay leave.

Essence: They are going to get Conall to do this mission.

Conflict: Will Conall show them just how ruthless he can be?

Sub-text: Conall’s time as a Special Forces commander wasn’t all that heroic.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill them all right there.

LATER

Harry is left alone with the other four men. They tell Harry that if the mission fails he’s out because he’s too emotional over the death of his wife.

Harry pulls a gun and shoots one of them in the knee cap. Reminds them he’s the only intelligent one amongst them who can program the artefact to do what they need it to do.

Essence: Harry needs to exert his control over the elite.

Conflict: Harry is the only intelligent one to program the artefact.

Sub-text: The Elite are arrogant.

Hope/Fear: Hope Harry kills the Elite. Fear he’ll save his killing for Conall.

Scene Arc: The hacker is making mischief.

INT. DARK ROOM – NIGHT

A hooded figure sits behind numerous computer screens. The screens display financial data of some sort.

Essence: Hacker is stealing money.

Conflict: The hacker vs everyone he’s stealing from.

Sub-text: The hacker is stealing money.

Hope/Fear: Hope the hacker gets caught. Fear he won’t.

Scene Arc: Conall sets off to steal the artefact.

INT. SUBURBAN – DAY

Conall and Jay drive along. Conall wants to know all about this artefact but Jay doesn’t answer him.

Essence: Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact.

Conflict: Conall and Jay when Jay won’t tell him what the artefact really does.

Sub-text: Conall’s knows they’re all lying to him.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill Jay.

Scene Arc: Conall’s plan to steal the artefact but Jay tells him he’s already stolen it.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall’s security firm’s offices. Gathers his team to plan the mission. He’s confident they can be in and out in five days. Jay looks around.

Jay tells them the artefact isn’t where Harry thinks it is. Because he stole it. Conall pulls a gun on Jay demanding to know what his purpose is on the mission. Jay pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and Conall’s gun melts.

Essence: Stealing the artefact.

Conflict: Jay’s already stolen it.

Sub-text: Who is Jay? Why did he steal the artefact?

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill Jay.

Scene Arc: Going to where Jay has set up the artefact.

INT. SUBURBAN – NIGHT

Conall, Jay and a few other team members drive to where Jay has hidden the artefact.

Essence: Conall gets to see what this artefact looks like.

Conflict: Conall doesn’t trust Jay.

Sub-text: Conall plans to kill Jay.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall doesn’t lose his shit. Fear he’ll kill everyone if the artefact is a myth.

Scene Arc: From the team entering the cave to hunting down the missing artefact.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Jay leads the team deep into the cave through steel doors with major security.

Essence: They are looking for the artefact.

Conflict: Will Conall believe Jay even had the artefact?

Sub-text: What’s so special about this artefact that someone else wants it?

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall believes Jay. Fear Conall has a new target to kill.

INCITING INCIDENT: The artefact is gone.

The team search the cave for the artefact. Jay shows Conall he had it through the review of the security footage. But how did they get in? Conall says he knows one of the perpetrators. And he knows where to find him.

Scene Arc: Conall telling Harry the artefact has been stolen and demanding to know what it really is.

EXT. DESERTED ROAD – DAY

Conall meets Harry to tell him the artefact has been stolen.

Essence: Conall knows Harry is lying.

Conflict: Conall refuses to continue until he knows what this artefact is.

Sub-text: Conall’s knows who stole the artefact but isn’t talking.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall get his answers. Fear he’ll give up the mission and then get killed.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – DAY

The Elite are furious with Harry because someone stole the artefact. Harry puts his gun on the table and wants to know which one of them financed merc’s to steal the artefact.

Essence: What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: Harry versus the rest of the Elite.

Sub-text: There’s a game within the game being played by the Elite.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact can be retrieved. Fear the artefact is gone.

Act 2:

Scene Arc: From the safety of the security base to the interior of CERN back to the base.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall tells Jay, he suspects agents from CERN stole the artefact.

Essence: What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: They’re going to confront CERN and steal the artefact back.

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear he might be killed.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Jay tells Conall he can get them into CERN. Jay pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and disappears. Then re-appears.

Essence: Who is Jay? What is so special about this artefact?

Conflict: Conall says they have to break-in. Jay says they don’t.

Sub-text: Jay is more than he appears.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will end up in the wrong hands.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall tells Jay he will buy them airplane tickets to Geneva. Jay tells him they don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!

Essence: Need to get the artefact at all costs.

Conflict: Jay reveals who he is throwing Conall’s belief system into chaos.

Sub-text: Conall knows Jay can help him get his family back.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will end up in the wrong hands.

EXT. CERN – NIGHT

Jay lands the saucer close to the CERN facility at night. Jay takes Conall’s arm and they disappear into the CERN facility.

Essence: Using alien technology to recover alien technology.

Conflict: Will they get caught?

Sub-text: CERN is going to get a surprise when people just appear out of thin air.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can retrieve the artefact. Fear the artefact will be destroyed and Jay with it.

INT. CERN – NIGHT

Conall and Jay re-appear inside. Conall wants to know where they go from there. Jay checks his bracelet to get the direction of the artefact. He put a tracker on it.

Essence: They are there to get the artefact.

Conflict: Will they get caught?

Sub-text: Conall doesn’t know what to expect.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll get caught.

INT. CERN – NIGHT

Jay pushes buttons on his cuff bracelet, grabs Conall and they disappear. And re-appear where the artefact is. It is hooked up to a huge quantum computer. Alarms go off.

Essence: Stealing back the artefact.

Conflict: Fight CERN for the artefact.

Sub-text: Conall and Jay have the element of surprise.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll be killed trying to steal it back.

INT. CERN – NIGHT

Conall grabs Jay’s arm and they disappear.

Essence: The artefact has been retaken.

Conflict: Get out of CERN alive.

Sub-text: Conall and Jay have the element of surprise.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can retrieve the artefact. Fear they’ll be killed trying to steal it back.

INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Conall and Jay return to the secret security base. Conall gives Jay a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Essence: Everyone is safe and the artefact can be set up again.

Conflict: Conall wants to know what the artefact really does.

Sub-text: Conall will take the artefact hostage until he gets answers.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall will get answers. Fear he’ll get them by force.

Scene Arc: Setting up the artefact and finding out what it really does.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall demands to know what is so important about the artefact.

Essence: The artefact changes timelines.

Conflict: Conall and Jay will have to fight Harry and friends.

Sub-text: Conall knows he has to keep the artefact away from Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope they can keep the artefact safe. Fear they’ll be killed by the Elite.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall sets up the artefact to the quantum computer as per Jay’s instruction. Gets a call from Harry to meet.

Essence: The artefact in action.

Conflict: What will Harry do?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can keep the artefact safe. Fear he might be killed.

EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

Conall meets Harry on a deserted road. He searches Harry for weapons then blindfolds him and takes him to the secret base.

Essence: Conall doesn’t trust Harry but he is paying the bills.

Conflict: Will Harry try to take the artefact?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact especially the Elite.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall protect Jay and the artefact. Fear he may have to kill to accomplish it.

INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Conall brings Harry in while Jay is programming the artefact. Action Conall: Confident. Action Harry: Reverent. Action Jay: Cooperates but is guarded.

Essence: To demonstrate what the artefact does.

Conflict: Will Harry try to take it?

Sub-text: Conall wonders how you would know if the timeline had been changed.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear he’ll have to destroy it.

INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question. Harry asks his question.

Essence: The artefact can give answers to specific questions.

Conflict: Will Harry get the answer he seeks?

Sub-text: Conall is suspicious of Harry and the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear he might be killed.

INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Harry looks at the answer, doesn’t like it. Tries again. Same answer. Harry yells and screams that Conall and Jay did something to the artefact. Jay throws Harry across the room without laying a finger on him.

Essence: Harry doesn’t like the answers the artefact gives.

Conflict: Will Harry destroy the artefact?

Sub-text: Conall thinks that maybe no one should have this artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can protect the artefact. Fear Jay might have to kill Harry.

Midpoint Turning Point: The artefact keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

Scene Arc: From Conall returning Harry to the meeting place to Harry planning on stealing the artefact from Conall.

EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT

Conall returns Harry to their meeting place. Conall tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do and he’ll stop him.

Essence: What to do about Harry?

Conflict: Conall tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do.

Sub-text: Conall has to stop Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can stop Harry. Fear he might be killed.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – DAY

Harry gathers his group. Conall and Jay must die and the artefact recovered so he can program it to give them the answer he wants.

Essence: Plan to get the artefact away from Conall?

Conflict: They’re going to steal the artefact.

Sub-text: Once Harry has the artefact he will dispose of the rest of them.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can stop Harry. Fear he might be killed.

Scene Arc: From Conall studying the artefact to leaving it for the Elite.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. Action Conall: Obstructive. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.

Essence: Can the artefact save Conall’s family?

Conflict: Will Conall be able to program it without Jay knowing?

Sub-text: Conall thinks the artefact can bring his family back.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can reprogram the artefact. Fear Jay will stop him.

INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY

Jay offers to help Conall but first they must stop Harry.

Essence: Jay knows what Conall is trying to do.

Conflict: Will Jay help Conall?

Sub-text: Jay knows more than he lets on.

Hope/Fear: Hope Jay helps Conall. Fear Harry will stop them.

INT. CAFÉ – DAY

Conall brings Jay to a café and they order ice cream. Jay watches the people play on their phones. Reveal C: People on their phones – this is what contributes to humankind’s downfall.

Essence: Can the artefact save humanity?

Conflict: Why save a bunch of robots from themselves?

Sub-text: Is humanity worth saving?

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact can save the future. Fear the future isn’t worth saving.

INT. SECURITY BASE – LATER

Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact. Then leaves with Conall.

Essence: The artefact is in danger.

Conflict: Will Conall be able to save the artefact?

Sub-text: Need to keep the artefact away from Harry.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can save the artefact. Fear Harry will win.

INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

Harry leads a mercenary team to storm the bunker but Conall and Jay are gone. The artefact remains but displays the future.

Essence: Can the artefact show Harry the future he wants?

Conflict: Will Harry be able to program it?

Sub-text: Harry thinks the artefact can make him king of the world.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry will get what he wants.

INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT

Harry dismantles the artefact. Him and his team take it and leave.

Essence: Will the artefact work for Harry?

Conflict: Will Harry get caught?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – NIGHT

Harry sets up the artefact but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030.

Essence: Will the artefact work for Harry?

Conflict: What happens when the artefact doesn’t give Harry his answer?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is right. Fear Harry wins.

Act 3:

Scene Arc: From Harry having the artefact to Harry being taken down by Conall.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

Conall gathers his team in Jay’s cave to plan the assault to get the artefact back.

Essence: The artefact is too dangerous to be in the hands of a madmen.

Conflict: Will Conall get the artefact away from Harry?

Sub-text: Harry doesn’t know Conall’s coming for him.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry kills Conall.

EXT. CAVE – NIGHT

As Conall and the team are going moving out another group of “assassin’s” show up. Gunfight ensues. Until Jay presses a button on his cuff bracelet and all the assassin’s guns melt.

Essence: Harry wants Conall and Jay dead.

Conflict: Will Conall survive?

Sub-text: The artefact is a dangerous item.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

INT. CAVE – LATER

Take an “assassin” hostage. Learn he’s been hired by Harry to kill Conall and Jay.

Essence: Harry has the artefact and has sent assassin’s to kill Conall and Jay.

Conflict: Will Conall and Jay find Harry?

Sub-text: Conall needs answers from the assassin.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall gets the answers. Fear he’ll kill the assassin.

Scene Arc: From the Elites coming to confront Harry to Harry killing them.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – NIGHT

The Elites come to Harry’s office. They tell him all their bitcoin accounts have been hacked. Harry kills them all.

Essence: Harry is still trying to get the artefact to work for him.

Conflict: Will Harry get caught?

Sub-text: Harry is consumed by power because he’s stolen all their money.

Hope/Fear: Hope the artefact is safe. Fear Harry wins.

Conall and Jay find Harry alone at his house trying to program the artefact. Action Conall: Violent. Hits Harry over the head and knocks him out. Action Jay: Concerned for the artefact. Looks it over while Conall deals with Harry.

Scene Arc: From Harry working on the artefact to it being taken over by Conall.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – LATER

Conall and Jay bust into Harry’s office. Lots of dead bodies. Jay takes over work on the artefact while Conall ties Harry up.

Essence: Has the artefact been compromised?

Conflict: Will Conall kill Harry?

Sub-text: Harry did something to the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope the timeline is safe. Fear Harry has corrupted the present timeline.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Jay turns to Conall and Harry demanding to know what he did. Harry sobs as he gets beat up because he doesn’t know the answer. Reveal E: Intriguing Moment – Dilemma – what to do about Harry?

Essence: The artefact shows all timelines happening simultaneously.

Conflict: Will Conall kill Harry?

Sub-text: Harry did something to the artefact.

Hope/Fear: Hope the timeline is safe. Fear Harry has corrupted the present timeline.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The Timeline has been changed but will it be for the better. Intriguing Moment – Hope/Fear – what will the new timeline bring?

Act 4:

Scene Arc: From Harry corrupting the timeline to Jay fixing it.

Climax:

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Conall works on trying to re-program the artefact. But the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts.

Essence: The artefact takes on a life of its own.

Conflict: Conall tries to re-program the artefact.

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can reverse the damage. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real? Harry gleeful because he’s taking credit for the new timeline and he thinks he’s won.

Essence: Another timeline has emerged.

Conflict: Which timeline is the original timeline?

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can merge the timelines back into the original one. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – LATER

Harry’s group of hired guns show up. Harry tells Conall he set the fire that killed his family.

Essence: The artefact is at risk from the Elite’s.

Conflict: Harry set the fire. Will Conall kill him?

Sub-text: The artefact is sending a message to humanity.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall kills the Elite’s. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. He shows the Elites their future. He orders the execution of Conall and Jay.

Essence: The timeline must be restored.

Conflict: Will Conall survive?

Sub-text: Harry has lost he just doesn’t realize it yet.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall and Jay can reverse the damage. Fear Harry has succeeded in his diabolical plan.

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Jay pushes another button on the second artefact and it merges back into one. A countdown begins.

Essence: Jay is about to give Harry just what he wanted.

Conflict: Jay’s cuff bracelet of doom!

Sub-text: The timelines must merge back into one to move forward.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall needs to trust Jay. Fear the timelines cannot be merged back – what happens then?

Resolution:

INT. HARRY’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Conall gives Harry a choice – die or choose the new timeline.

Essence: Conall gives Harry a choice.

Conflict: Conall’s more than happy to end Harry.

Sub-text: Conall’s not as ruthless as he’s been made out to be.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall kills Harry. Fear Harry choses the new timeline.

INT. SUBURBAN – EARLY MORNING

Conall and Jay the artefact into Conall’s vehicle. He drives by to show Jay where he lived. The house is there in one piece. Conall screeches to a halt.

Essence: The artefact and the timeline is safe.

Conflict: Conall and Jay must part ways.

Sub-text: Jay changed the timeline for his friend.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall’s family is safe. Fear it’s a trick

INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING

Conall races into the house. He finds his wife and kids making breakfast. Reveal H: Conall finds his wife and kids alive – the timeline has changed. Jay did this for Conall.

Essence: The mission is completed.

Conflict: Conall is emotional something he’s never been.

Sub-text: Jay manipulated the timeline for his friend.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall’s family is safe. Fear Jay’s manipulation changed the present.

EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT

Conall and his wife accompanies Jay to the cave. A portal is open where a ship awaits.

Essence: The world has changed.

Conflict: Will the change be for better or worse?

Sub-text: Conall never really had a friend and will miss Jay.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall can start over. Fear the timeline change will make him lose his family all over again.

EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT

Conall and his wife wave good-bye to Jay. Jay’s ship enters the portal. The portal closes.

Essence: Jay is gone and Conall must continue the fight.

Conflict: Man vs machine (needs to be introduced sooner!)

Sub-text: Conall must determine that the catastrophe has been averted.

Hope/Fear: Hope Conall continues. Fear that the timeline change has made things worse.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Intriguing Moments

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is, I remember back in one of the master classes I took, I vaguely remember Hal saying that every scene should have an interest technique and so finally, that’s what I’m doing!

2. Give us a one sentence explanation of the intriguing moments in each Act of your project. Like the example above.

ACT 1 – Intriguing Moments

Conspiracy – Harry wants Conall to basically commit a crime without all the details.

Secret/Superior Position– Harry had his minions set the fire.

Scheme – Harry wants only Conall to steal the artefact – why?

Covert Agenda – Conall doesn’t really know what the device is for and believes Harry is lying.

Scheme – Harry seems to know all about Conall and his background and will use it against him to get what Harry wants.

Mystery – why does Conall accept the mission with all his reservations about Harry and gang?

Hidden Identity – who is this person and what is he/she doing.

Mystery – why would Jay steal the artefact to keep away from Harry?

Secret Identity/Superior Position – who the hell is Jay – he looks like a normal human but where did he get all this tech?

Intrigue – something more is going on than what Conall bargained for.

Covert agenda – why does CERN need this artefact if it is supposed to be for helping humanity?

Twist – the artefact is stolen.

ACT 2 – Intriguing Moments

Secret – Conall knows who stole the artefact but doesn’t want Harry to know.

Surprise – the cuff bracelet is a technological wonder.

Something unseen – who also wants the artefact, and why?

Put in a more interesting setting – CERN is pretty interesting.

Suspense – just because they have technology, will they be able to recover the artefact and survive?

Hope/Fear throughout Act 2 – Harry is mentally unstable and what will happen to the present if they manipulate the timelines?

Dilemma – what to do about Harry now that Conall knows his agenda?

Betrayal – Harry is about to betray Conall again by having Conall killed.

Dilemma for Jay – he needs the artefact to change the timeline but must save himself and Conall to complete his mission.

Betrayal by Jay and Conall against Harry.

ACT 3 – Intriguing Moments

Betrayal by the Elite’s against Harry.

Surprise – Harry is the hacker – he wants it all!

Mystery why is the artefact acting strangely.

Twist – Jay built it so it shouldn’t be acting strangely.

Dilemma – what to do about Harry?

Hope/Fear – what will the new timeline bring?

ACT 4 – Intriguing Moments

Something Unseen – what is causing this?

Cliffhanger – Harry has the answer will he kill Conall and Jay and destroy civilization?

Hope/Fear – throughout Act 4 – it could go either way!

Surprise – Jay manipulates the timeline to give Conall his family back.

Uncomfortable Moment – But with this manipulation – what else has changed?

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[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Emotional Moments

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to think about how to make the project emotional before you start writing.

2. Like the example above, give us a one or two sentence explanation of the emotional moments in each act of your project.

ACT 1

BONDING: Conall and Jay get to know each other.

BETRAYAL: Conall continues to have trust issues with Jay as Jay manipulates the mission.

ACT 2

EXCITEMENT: Harry is excited that he finally has the artefact and start using it for his master plan of world domination.

MORAL ISSUE: Conall loses sight of the big picture of stopping Harry because he wants his family back and believes the artefact can give him that.

ACT 3

SURPRISE: Conall is surprised to see Harry trying to change the timeline to bring his wife back.

WOUND: Seeing Harry trying to bring his wife back opens Conall’s wound that he couldn’t save his family.

ACT 4

BONDING: Conall and Jay’s bonding is complete. Jay gave Conall back what he lost and now makes his way back home hoping to find catastrophe averted.

DISTRESS: Conall worries for his children’s future and makes a vow to do whatever it takes to rid the world of not only the Elite’s but those scientists that think humanity is an experiment.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Reveals!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I found it easy to put the set-ups/reveals into the outline rather than trying to add them when the first draft is finished.

What will you reveal?

The
artefact changes timelines.
That
Jay is an “alien” from the future trying to save humanity in the present
and the future.
Getting
away from the Divine has led humanity down this slippery slope.
The
artefact can only see to 2030 – this is because the future is malleable.
All
timelines happen simultaneously but will converge into one.
CERN
is disrupting the timelines with their experiments – future already
changed.
Who
set the fire that killed Conall’s family? (This is a question
throughout.)
Someone
has hacked the Elite’s bitcoin accounts and has stolen all their money.

When will the set-ups and reveal show up in the story?

A. Set-up: That the artefact is being sold to Conall as a device needed to help humanity. (Beginning of Act 1)

Reveal: The artefact changes timelines. (Act 2)

B. Set-up: Conall holds a gun on Jay. (End of Act 1)

Reveal: Jay makes the gun melt. (Act 1)

C. Set-up: Jay needs ice cream so Conall takes him to a café. (Act 2)

Reveal: People worshipping their phones. (Act 2)

D. Set-up: The artefact is set up to a quantum computer. (Act 2)

Reveal: The artefact only shows the timeline to 2030. (Act 2)

E. Set-up: After set up the artefact shows many time streams. (Act 3)

Reveal: All timelines happen simultaneously. (Act 3)

F. Set-up: A hooded figures sits behind numerous computer screens. (Act 1)

Reveal: Harry is the hacker. (Act 3)

G. Set-up: Conall turned Harry down for the mission. (Act 1)

Reveal: Harry set the fire that killed Conall’s family. (Act 4)

H. Set-up: CERN steals the artefact. (Act 1)

Reveal: Conall finds his wife and kids alive – the timeline has changed. Jay did this for Conall. (Act 4)

4. Build all of those into your outline, making sure there are setups for each reveal and that you have reveals in every Act.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Sci-Fi

Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.

1. NEW: Harry meets Conall at Harry’s office. Harry pitches a mission to Conall. Conall declines. Action Conall: Abrasive – he knows all about Harry. Action Harry: Business-like but his sincerity doesn’t come through. Set-up G: Conall turns Harry down for the mission.

2. Conall’s house is on fire. He is prevented from getting to the house to save his family. Action Conall: Rage as he is prevented from getting to the house – fighting people trying to restrain him. In the background Harry – Action Harry: Cruel little smile on his face. Scheming. Lays flowers. Says a prayer. Cunning in a nice way towards Conall.

3. Conall meets Harry at the graveyard where they both are visiting their respective families’ graves. Action Conall: Resigned and respectful to his family. Lays flowers and small Irish flags. Recites an Irish poem. Action Harry: Respectful to his wife’s grave.

4. Conall and Harry go to the bar where Harry shows him a picture of the ancient artefact that can help humanity. Harry invites Conall to a meeting. Action Conall: Listens to Harry’s pitch. Action Harry: Cruel as he manipulates Conall by asking, wouldn’t you like to know who set the fire that killed your family? Set-up A: The artefact is being sold to Conall as a device needed to help humanity.

5. Meeting to discuss a mission where Conall meets with Harry and Jay-the-Alien. Also, present is four other men. Action Conall: Listens to the mission details. Exhibit’s self-control as Harry details his ruthlessness. Action Harry: Unmerciful as he details Conall’s ruthlessness in several missions he’s been on. Action Jay: Patience as he eats strawberry ice cream.

6. Conall accepts the mission to steal the artefact from the museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay. Action Conall: Inquisitive as he tries to understand what the mission is really about. Action Harry: Evasive as he doesn’t want to tell Conall about timelines. But he does transfer $10 million dollars for the op. Action Jay: Leaves with Conall. Explains how the artefact can change the timeline.

7. After Conall and Jay are gone, the other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails he’s out. Action Harry: Violent towards the other men by pulling a gun and shooting each of the Elites in the knee-cap. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

8. NEW: Set-up F: A hooded figures sits behind numerous computer screens.

9. Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact. Action Conall: Intrigued – by the fact this artefact can change the timeline. Action Jay: Co-operates with Conall.

10. Conall drives to the secret base he has set up for his security firm to gather his team. Action Conall: Leader – Conall is confident the team should be in and out in 5 days. Action Jay: Calm as he explores the base.

11. Jay tells Conall the artefact is not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up. Action Jay: Calm and Manipulative – he’s already stolen the artefact. Action Conall: Dangerous as he grabs Jay.

12. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission. Action Conall: Exhibits extreme self-control as he holds a gun on Jay. Action Jay: Calm as he pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and Conall’s gun melts. Then he tells Conall they must keep the artefact out of the hands of the Elite. Set-up B: Conall holds the gun on Jay. Reveal B: Jay makes the guns melt.

(Theme: good vs evil).

13. Conall, Jay and a few team members go to where Jay has set up the artefact. Action Jay: Confident he has found a decent human to help him as he unlocks the door. Action Conall: Adventurous as he follows Jay.

Inciting Incident: NEW Inciting Incident: When Conall and Jay arrive where Jay has hidden the artefact — it is gone.

14. Conall and Jay search the cave where Jay hid the artefact. Action Conall: Mean to Jay as he doesn’t believe Jay had the artefact. Action Jay: Resigned but he can show Conall he had it.

15. Conall and Jay review the security footage. Action Conall: Optimistic as he believes Jay and recognizes one of the thieves. Believes Jay was followed. Action Jay: Anger at the people who stole the artefact. Set-up H: CERN steals the artefact.

Turning Point: Scientists from CERN stole the artefact.

Act 2:

1. Conall meets Harry to tell him the artefact has been stolen. Action Conall: Determined to not let Harry bully him. Action Harry: Rage – he beats his car with his hands.

2. Conall tells Harry scientists from CERN stole the artefact first and they’re going to steal it back. Action Conall: Authoritative because he has a plan. Action Harry: Calmer asks Conall if he needs any more money to effect his plan. Conall declines.

3. Jay tells Conall he can get them into CERN. Conall demands to know what is so important about the artefact. Action Conall: Skeptical — he tells Jay it’s going to have to be a break-in. Action Jay: Peaceful as he pushes another button on his cuff bracelet and disappears. Then re-appears. Reveal A: The artefact changes timelines.

4. The Elite are furious with Harry because CERN stole the artefact. Action Harry: Calm as he puts his gun on the table and wants to know which one of them financed CERN to steal the artefact. (He may have to kill one of them to make a point!)

5. Conall tells Jay he will buy them airplane tickets to Geneva. Action Conall: Leader plans the trip. Action Jay: Tolerant – they don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!

6. Jay lands the saucer close to the CERN facility at night. Jay takes Conall’s arm and they disappear into the CERN facility. Action Conall: Adventurous as he lets Jay do Jay. Action Jay: Helpful as he uses his technology to recover the artefact.

7. Conall and Jay re-appear inside. Conall wants to know where they go from there. (What about security cameras?) Action Conall: Awestruck cause he’s a nerd. Action Jay: Decisive – checks his bracelet to get the direction of the artefact. He put a tracker on it.

8. Jay pushes buttons on his cuff bracelet, grabs Conall and they disappear. And re-appear where the artefact is. It is hooked up to a huge quantum computer. Alarms go off. Action Conall: Soldier mode. Kills a few scientists waiting for Jay. Action Jay: Focused on disconnecting the artefact from the quantum computer. Grabs the computer also. Set-up D: The artefact is needs a quantum computer.

9. Conall grabs Jay’s arm and they disappear. Action Conall: Trust in Jay. Action Jay: Responsible for the artefact and for Conall’s safety.

10. Conall and Jay return to the secret security base. Action Conall: Leader helps Jay with the computer and artefact. Action Jay: Happy but exhausted he collapses. Conall gives Jay a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

11. Set up the artefact. Action Conall: Determined to set up the artefact and the quantum computer. Action Jay: Peaceful, resting as he directs Conall what to do. Conall meets Harry. Action Conall: Authoritative they’ve recovered the artefact and are setting it up. Action Harry: Impatient he wants to be in on the action.

12. Searches Harry for weapons then blindfolds him and takes him to the secret base. Action Conall: Guarded he doesn’t trust Harry but he is paying the bills. Action Harry: Anticipation he can hardly wait to get his hands on the artefact.

13. Conall brings Harry in while Jay is programming the artefact. Action Conall: Confident. Action Harry: Reverent. Action Jay: Cooperates but is guarded.

14. Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question. Action Conall: Guarded. Action Harry: Child-like wonder. Action Jay: Indifferent.

15. Harry looks at the answer, doesn’t like it. Tries again. Same answer. Action Conall: Abrasive stops Harry before he breaks it. Action Harry: Rage he yells and screams that Conall and Jay did something to the artefact. Action Jay: Anger throws Harry across the room without laying a finger on him.

Midpoint Turning Point: The artefact keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030. Reveal D: The artefact only shows the timeline to 2030.

16. Conall returns Harry to their meeting place. Action Conall: Cruel tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do and he’ll stop him. Action Harry: Violent rushes Conall only to get the butt of a gun to his head.

17. Harry gathers his group. Action Harry: Authoritative Conall and Jay must die and the artefact recovered so he can program it to give them the answer he wants.

18. Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. Action Conall: Obstructive. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.

19. Jay knows what Conall is trying to do he offers to help him but first he needs ice cream. Action Conall: Shame because he forgot the bigger picture. Action Jay: Compassion. He tells Conall who is responsible for the fire. Set-up C: Jay needs ice cream.

20. NEW: Conall brings Jay to a café and they order ice cream. Jay watches the people playing on their phones. Reveal C: People on their phones – this is what contributes to humankind’s downfall.

21. Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact. Action Conall: Leader sends everyone to Jay’s cave. Action Jay: Destructive re-programs the artefact. Then leaves with Conall.

22. Harry leads an elite mercenary team to storm the bunker but Conall and Jay are gone. The artefact remains but displays the Elites future. Action Harry: Violent shoots one of the mercs.

Act 3:

1. Conall gathers his team in Jay’s cave. Action Conall: Leader plan the assault to get the artefact back.

2. Harry sets up the artefact but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030. Action Harry: Desperate to reprogram the artefact to bring his wife back.

3. As Conall and the team are going to move out another group of “assassin’s” show up. Action Conall: Leader he leads the assault on the other assassins. Action Jay: Tolerant (why do humans always settle their affairs with violence?) presses a button on his cuff bracelet and all the assassin’s guns melt.

4. Take an “assassin” hostage. Learn he’s been hired by CERN to take back the artefact. Action Conall: Cruel as he interrogates the hostage. Action Jay: Peaceful as he lays his hands on the hostage’s head and gets the answers – the Elite hired CERN to steal the artefact.

5. NEW: The Elites come to Harry’s office. They tell him all their bitcoin accounts have been hacked. Harry kills them all. Reveal F: Harry is the hacker.

6. Conall and Jay find Harry alone at his house trying to program the artefact. Action Conall: Violent. Hits Harry over the head and knocks him out. Action Jay: Concerned for the artefact. Looks it over while Conall deals with Harry.

7. Jay works on the artefact while Conall ties Harry up. Action Conall: Leader dealing with the menace. Action Harry: Fragile breaks down sobbing because he couldn’t change the timeline. Action Jay: Frantic as he works the artefact. Set-up E: The artefact is showing many time streams.

8. Jay turns to Conall and Harry. Action Jay: Anger – Harry has done something to the artefact and it is acting strangely. Action Conall: Violent – hits Harry demanding to know what he did. Action Harry: Fragile sobbing as he gets beat up because he doesn’t know the answer. Reveal E: The artefact shows all timelines happening simultaneously.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The Timeline has been changed but will it be for the better.

Act 4:

Climax:

1. Conall works on trying to re-program the artefact. But the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts. Action Conall: Surprise he’s usually pretty good at the programming stuff. Action Harry: Coward he hides when the artefact shakes. Action Jay: Intrigued – it’s not supposed to do this.

2. A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real? Action Conall: Adventurous as he stands before one timeline and then the other. Action Jay: Cautious as he gazes from one timeline to the other. Action Harry: Gleeful because he’s taking credit for it. And he thinks he’s won.

3. Harry’s group of hired guns show up. Harry tells Conall he set the fire that killed his family. Action Conall: Leader defends the timelines with his machine gun. Action Jay: Calm afterall he has the cuff bracelet of death. Reveal G: Harry set the fire.

4. The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. He shows the Elites their future. He orders the execution of Conall and Jay. Action Conall: Leader he shoots Harry in the head. Action Jay: Resigned as he pushes a button and the Elite’s guns melt.

5. Jay pushes another button on the second artefact and it merges back into one. A countdown begins. Action Conall: Surprised. Demands an answer from Jay. Action Jay: Cagey. Smiles. He must end these timelines to move forward.

Resolution:

6. Conall kills the Elite. Action Conall: Bang. Bang.

7. Harry and the Elites are dead.

8. NEW Conall and Jay the artefact into Conall’s vehicle. He drives by to show Jay where he lived. The house is there in one piece. Conall screeches to a halt.

9. NEW Conall races into the house where he finds his wife and kids making dinner. Reveal H: Conall finds his wife and kids alive – the timeline has changed. Jay did this for Conall.

10. Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Action Jay: Wise: Instructs Conall and to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world. Action Conall: Friendly. Hugs Jay and says goodbye.

11. The catastrophe has been averted. Action Conall: Inquisitive. What was the catastrophe? Action Jay: Instructive. The singularity where technology takes over and devastates civilization and the Earth.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Character Action Tracks!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is another new process to make your outline superior to what I’ve done before — before you write a single word. Seems to help the creative process as I’ve had a few ‘ah ha’ moments which has resulted in re-tooling the outline.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Sci-Fi

Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.

1. Conall’s house is on fire. He is prevented from getting to the house to save his family. Action Conall: Rage as he is prevented from getting to the house – fighting people trying to restrain him. In the background Harry – Action Harry: Cruel little smile on his face. Scheming.

2. Conall meets Harry at the graveyard where they both are visiting their respective families’ graves. Action Conall: Resigned and respectful to his family. Lays flowers and small Irish flags. Recites an Irish poem. Action Harry: Respectful to his wife’s grave. Lays flowers. Says a prayer. Cunning in a nice way towards Conall.

3. Conall and Harry go to the bar where Harry shows him a picture of the ancient artefact. Harry invites Conall to a meeting. Action Conall: Listens to Harry’s pitch. Action Harry: Cruel as he manipulates Conall by asking, wouldn’t you like to know who set the fire that killed your family?

4. Meeting to discuss a mission where Conall meets with Harry and Jay-the-Alien. Also, present is four other men. Action Conall: Listens to the mission details. Exhibit’s self-control as Harry details his ruthlessness. Action Harry: Unmerciful as he details Conall’s ruthlessness in several missions he’s been on. Action Jay: Patience as he eats strawberry ice cream.

5. Conall accepts the mission to steal the artefact from the museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay. Action Conall: Inquisitive as he tries to understand what the mission is really about. Action Harry: Evasive as he doesn’t want to tell Conall about timelines. But he does transfer $10 million dollars for the op. Action Jay: Leaves with Conall. Explains how the artefact can change the timeline.

6. After Conall and Jay are gone, the other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails, he’s out. Action Harry: Violent towards the other men by pulling a gun and shooting each of the Elites in the knee-cap. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

7. Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact. Action Conall: Intrigued – by the fact this artefact can change the timeline. Action Jay: Co-operates with Conall.

8. Conall drives to the secret base he has set up for his security firm to gather his team. Action Conall: Leader – Conall is confident the team should be in and out in 5 days. Action Jay: Calm as he explores the base.

9. Jay tells Conall the artefact is not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up. Action Jay: Calm and Manipulative – he’s already stolen the artefact. Action Conall: Dangerous as he grabs Jay.

10. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission. Action Conall: Exhibits extreme self-control as he holds a gun on Jay. Action Jay: Calm as he pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and Conall’s gun melts. Then he tells Conall they must keep the artefact out of the hands of the Elite.

(Theme: good vs evil).

11. Conall, Jay and a few team members go to where Jay has set up the artefact. Action Jay: Confident he has found a decent human to help him as he unlocks the door. Action Conall: Adventurous as he follows Jay.

Inciting Incident: NEW Inciting Incident: When Conall and Jay arrive where Jay has hidden the artefact — it is gone.

12. Conall and Jay search the cave where Jay hid the artefact. Action Conall: Mean to Jay as he doesn’t believe Jay had the artefact. Action Jay: Resigned but he can show Conall he had it.

13. Conall and Jay review the security footage. Action Conall: Optimistic as he believes Jay and recognizes one of the thieves. Believes Jay was followed. Action Jay: Anger at the people who stole the artefact.

Turning Point: Scientists from CERN stole the artefact.

Act 2:

1. Conall meets Harry to tell him the artefact has been stolen. Action Conall: Determined to not let Harry bully him. Action Harry: Rage – he beats his car with his hands.

2. Conall tells Harry scientists from CERN stole the artefact first and they’re going to steal it back. Action Conall: Authoritative because he has a plan. Action Harry: Calmer asks Conall if he needs any more money to affect his plan. Conall declines.

3. Jay tells Conall he can get them into CERN. Action Conall: Skeptical — he tells Jay it’s going to have to be a break-in. Action Jay: Peaceful as he pushes another button on his cuff bracelet and disappears. Then re-appears.

4. The Elite are furious with Harry because CERN stole the artefact. Action Harry: Calm as he puts his gun on the table and wants to know which one of them financed CERN to steal the artefact. (He may have to kill one of them to make a point!)

5. Conall tells Jay he will buy them airplane tickets to Geneva. Action Conall: Leader plans the trip. Action Jay: Tolerant – they don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!

6. Jay lands the saucer close to the CERN facility at night. Jay takes Conall’s arm, and they disappear into the CERN facility. Action Conall: Adventurous as he lets Jay do Jay. Action Jay: Helpful as he uses his technology to recover the artefact.

7. Conall and Jay re-appear inside. Conall wants to know where they go from there. (What about security cameras?) Action Conall: Awestruck cause he’s a nerd. Action Jay: Decisive – checks his bracelet to get the direction of the artefact. He put a tracker on it.

8. Jay pushes buttons on his cuff bracelet, grabs Conall and they disappear. And re-appear where the artefact is. It is hooked up to a huge quantum computer. Alarms go off. Action Conall: Soldier mode. Kills a few scientists waiting for Jay. Action Jay: Focused on disconnecting the artefact from the quantum computer. Grabs the computer also.

9. Conall grabs Jay’s arm, and they disappear. Action Conall: Trust in Jay. Action Jay: Responsible for the artefact and for Conall’s safety.

10. Conall and Jay return to the secret security base. Action Conall: Leader helps Jay with the computer and artefact. Action Jay: Happy but exhausted he collapses. Conall gives Jay a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

11. Set up the artefact. Action Conall: Determined to set up the artefact and the quantum computer. Action Jay: Peaceful, resting as he directs Conall what to do.

12. Conall meets Harry. Action Conall: Authoritative they’ve recovered the artefact and are setting it up. Action Harry: Impatient he wants to be in on the action.

13. Searches Harry for weapons then blindfolds him and takes him to the secret base. Action Conall: Guarded he doesn’t trust Harry, but he is paying the bills. Action Harry: Anticipation he can hardly wait to get his hands on the artefact.

14. Conall brings Harry in while Jay is programming the artefact. Action Conall: Confident. Action Harry: Reverent. Action Jay: Cooperates but is guarded.

15. Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question. Action Conall: Guarded. Action Harry: Child-like wonder. Action Jay: Indifferent.

16. Harry looks at the answer, doesn’t like it. Tries again. Same answer. Action Conall: Abrasive stops Harry before he breaks it. Action Harry: Rage he yells and screams that Conall, and Jay did something to the artefact. Action Jay: Anger throws Harry across the room without laying a finger on him.

Midpoint Turning Point: The artefact keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

17. Conall returns Harry to their meeting place. Action Conall: Cruel tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do, and he’ll stop him. Action Harry: Violent rushes Conall only to get the butt of a gun to his head.

18. Harry gathers his group. Action Harry: Authoritative Conall and Jay must die, and the artefact recovered so he can program it to give them the answer he wants.

19. Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. Action Conall: Obstructive. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.

20. Jay knows what Conall is trying to do he offers to help him. Action Conall: Shame because he forgot the bigger picture. Action Jay: Compassion. He tells Conall who is responsible for the fire.

21. Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact. Action Conall: Leader sends everyone to Jay’s cave. Action Jay: Destructive re-programs the artefact. Then leaves with Conall.

22. Harry leads an elite mercenary team to storm the bunker, but Conall and Jay are gone. The artefact remains but displays the Elites future. Action Harry: Violent shoots one of the mercs.

Act 3:

1. Conall gathers his team in Jay’s cave. Action Conall: Leader plan the assault to get the artefact back.

2. Harry sets up the artefact, but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030. Action Harry: Desperate to reprogram the artefact to bring his wife back.

3. As Conall and the team are going to move out another group of “assassins” show up. Action Conall: Leader he leads the assault on the other assassins. Action Jay: Tolerant (why do humans always settle their affairs with violence?) presses a button on his cuff bracelet and all the assassin’s guns melt.

4. Take an “assassin” hostage. Learn he’s been hired by CERN to take back the artefact. Action Conall: Cruel as he interrogates the hostage. Action Jay: Peaceful as he lays his hands on the hostage’s head and gets the answers – the Elite hired CERN to steal the artefact.

5. Conall and Jay find Harry alone at his house trying to program the artefact. Action Conall: Violent. Hits Harry over the head and knocks him out. Action Jay: Concerned for the artefact. Looks it over while Conall deals with Harry.

6. Jay works on the artefact while Conall ties Harry up. Action Conall: Leader dealing with the menace. Action Harry: Fragile breaks down sobbing because he couldn’t change the timeline. Action Jay: Frantic as he works the artefact.

7. Jay turns to Conall and Harry. Action Jay: Anger – Harry has done something to the artefact, and it is acting strangely. Action Conall: Violent – hits Harry demanding to know what he did. Action Harry: Fragile sobbing as he gets beat up because he doesn’t know the answer.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The Timeline has been changed but will it be for the better.

Act 4:

Climax:

1. Conall works on trying to re-program the artefact. But the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts. Action Conall: Surprise he’s usually pretty good at the programming stuff. Action Harry: Coward he hides when the artefact shakes. Action Jay: Intrigued – it’s not supposed to do this.

2. A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real? Action Conall: Adventurous as he stands before one timeline and then the other. Action Jay: Cautious as he gazes from one timeline to the other. Action Harry: Gleeful because he’s taking credit for it. And he thinks he’s won.

3. The rest of the Elite show up with their hired guns. Action Conall: Leader defends the timelines with his machine gun. Action Jay: Calm after all he has the cuff bracelet of death.

4. The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. He shows the Elites their future. He orders the execution of Conall and Jay. Action Conall: Leader he shoots Harry in the head. Action Jay: Resigned as he pushes a button and the Elite’s guns melt.

5. Jay pushes another button on the second artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins. Action Conall: Surprised. Demands an answer from Jay. Action Jay: Cagey. Smiles. He must end these timelines to move forward.

Resolution:

6. Conall kills the Elite. Action Conall: Bang. Bang.

7. Harry and the Elites are dead.

8. Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Action Jay: Wise: Instructs Conall and his team to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world. Action Conall: Friendly. Hugs Jay and says goodbye.

9. The catastrophe has been averted. Action Conall: Inquisitive. What was the catastrophe? Action Jay: Instructive. The singularity where technology takes over and devastates civilization and the Earth.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this is a new way, for me, to outline. And it was a bit difficult until I got my head around thinking this way.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Drama

Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.

1. Conall’s house is on fire. He is prevented from getting to the house to save his family.

2. Conall meets Harry at the graveyard where they both are visiting their respective families’ graves.

3. Conall and Harry go to the bar where Harry shows him a picture of the ancient artefact. Harry invites Conall to a meeting.

4. Meeting to discuss a mission where Conall meets with Harry and Jay-the-Alien. Also, present is four other men.

5. Conall accepts the mission to steal the artefact from the museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay.

6. NTD: All parties to the mission know that the artefact changes the timeline, but they don’t know that the other members know. How is this shown?

Inciting Incident: On the way to steal the ancient artefact, Jay diverts them to another place where he has already stolen it and built it. (This has to be stronger – send the story in another direction.)

7. Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact.

8. The other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails, he’s out. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

9. The artefact is more powerful than anyone imagined but it keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

10. Jay goes along with Conall to steal the artefact. He tells Conall it’s not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up.

11. Jay is already manipulating the mission. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission — must keep the artefact out of the hands of the Elite (theme: good vs evil).

Turning Point: The artefact routinely gives the answer that the timeline ends in 2030.

Act 2:

1. Conall meets Harry to tell him he has built the artefact.

2. Conall blindfolds Harry and takes him to his hideout.

3. Conall and Jay hide out in an abandoned military bunker.

4. Shows Harry the answer the artefact gives.

5. Harry tries but the artefact gives the same answer.

6. Conall returns Harry to their meeting place.

7. Harry gathers his group.

8. The Elite are furious with Harry for letting Conall steal the artefact.

9. Harry needs the artefact to change the timeline and bring his wife back and get rid of the Elites.

10. Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.

11. Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact.

Midpoint Turning Point: The Elites storm the bunker, but Conall is gone. Jay remains but the artefact displays the Elites future.

Act 3:

1. Conall sneaks into the house of his former partner. He convinces her to join their fight. She recruits a few others, and they plan a major assault.

2. Conall’s former partner is someone he trusts and almost married.

3. Harry sets up the artefact, but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030. He’s desperate for this to work.

4. Jay’s now “helping” Harry with the programming. Because Jay has to prevent the catastrophe to save the future. What’s this catastrophe? What happens in 2030 that sends civilization down the drain? How do we show this?

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They’re captured and taken to the artefact because it’s now giving information that the Elite think the hero programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the answer they want, or they’ll be executed.

Act 4:

Climax:

1. Conall works on re-programming the artefact but the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts.

2. A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real?

3. Harry thinks he’s won.

4. The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. Now he can order the execution of Conall and company.

5. Jay pushes a button on the second artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins.

6. Jay must end these timelines to move forward.

Resolution:

7. Conall and his team kill the Elite.

8. Conall is Jay from the future (how to show this? Dreams, visions?)

9. Harry and the Elites are dead.

10. Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Instructs Conall and his partner and team to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world.

11. The catastrophe has been averted.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it affords the opportunity to see it all in one place and to think about how this is going to look in the next phases.

2. Start with your 4-Act Structure, add the following components into your story to create the first draft of your Beat Sheet.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Drama

Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.

Conall PJ 1: The head of a Special Forces
intelligence team, Conall Coffey is given a mission to steal an ancient
artefact from a museum.<div>

Harry AJ 1: Heads up the Elites which is comprised of
the five most powerful men in the world.

Jay TJ 1: Advisor to the mission.

· Deeper Layer: All parties to the mission know that the artefact changes the timeline, but they don’t know that the other members know.

Inciting Incident: They steal the ancient artefact and build it.

· Conall PJ 2: Set off to steal the artefact.

· Harry AJ 2: The other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails he’s out. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

· Deeper Layer: The artefact is more powerful than anyone imagined but it keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

· Jay TJ 2: Goes along with Conall to steal the artefact. He tells Conall it’s not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up.

· Deeper Layer: Jay is already manipulating the mission. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission.

Turning Point: Conall and Jay dismantle the artefact and steal the artefact.

Act 2:

Conall PJ 3: Conall and Jay hide out in an abandoned
military bunker as the Elite try to find them. </div><div>

Jay TJ 3: Knows the Elites are coming so he
re-programs the artefact.

Deeper Layer: Conall needs time to study the artefact
to try and save his family. He disguises this with trying to figure out
why it keeps giving the same answer.

Harry AJ 3: The Elite are furious with Harry for
letting Conall steal the artefact. But Harry tells them he knows where
Conall is.

Deeper Layer: Harry needs the artefact to change the
timeline and bring his wife back and get rid of the Elites.

Midpoint Turning Point: The Elites storm the bunker, but Conall and Jay are gone; the artefact is stolen back.

Act 3:

Conall PJ 4: Our hero sneaks into the house of his
former partner. He convinces her to join their fight. She recruits a few
others, and they plan a major assault.</div><div>

Deeper Layer: His former partner is someone he trusts
and almost married.

Harry AJ 4: Sets up the artefact but it keeps
giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030.

Deeper Layer: He’s desperate
for this to work.

Jay TJ 4: He’s now “helping” Harry with the
programming.

Deeper Layer: He has to prevent the catastrophe to
save the future.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They’re captured and taken to the artefact because it’s now giving information that the Elite think the hero programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the answer they want, or they’ll be executed.

Act 4:

Climax:

Conall PJ 5: Works on re-programming the artefact
but the Earth shakes splitting the artefact in to two separate artefacts.</div><div>

Deeper Layer: A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean?

Harry AJ 5: He thinks he’s won.

Deeper Layer: The new timeline appears to give Harry
the answer he finally wants. Now he can order the execution of Conall and company.

Jay TJ 5: But Jay pushes a button on the second
artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins.

Deeper Layer: Jay must end these timelines to move
forward.

Resolution:

· Conall PJ 6: Conall and his team kill the Elite.

· Deeper Layer: Conall is Jay from the future.

· Harry AJ 6: Harry and the Elites are dead.

· Jay TJ 6: Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Instructs Conall and his partner and team to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world.

· Deeper Layer: Jay is Conall from the future and they’ve stopped the catastrophe from happening.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Deeper Layer!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to think about each character’s wound and find the deeper meaning to who they are through that.

2. As we did above with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.

Surface Layer: Conall takes a mission to recover
an ancient artefact.

Deeper Layer: Conall knows the artefact can
change the timeline and he wants it for himself and he’ll do anything to
keep it and use it.

Major Reveal: The final scene reveals the
timeline was actually manipulated and Conall gets his family back and the
Elites are gone. But this is a new and different timeline. Also, reveal
that Jay is an Alien and he only came here to retrieve the artefact.

Influences Surface Story: There’s much hesitancy as manipulating
timelines has direct effect on other dimensions. Altering a timeline can
bring unintended results; the Elites could get more powerful and have the
entire population enslaved to them.

Hints: Jay the Alien
seems to know all about the artefact and what it’s capable of doing but he
is cautious. He’s a scientist and can show Conall what could happen
throughout. This timeline will end in 2030 which is what Jay needs to save
the future.

Changes Reality: Discovering Jay is an Alien and that he
manipulated the timeline to fix his timeline, but he eliminated the Elites
and brought Conall’s family back to him.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.

PROTAGONIST: CONALL COFFEY

Beginning: A secret meeting between
the 5 powerful men who run the world and Conall to steal an ancient
artefact from a museum. The artefact can alter the timeline and the elite
want it so they always come out on top.

Inciting Incident: Takes on a mission from the five most
powerful men in the world, to steal an ancient artefact with a mysterious
third party.

Turning Point 1: Conall and Jay dismantle the artefact
and steal it themselves.

Act 2: Being chased by the elite and
military our hero hides out in an abandoned military bunker. He sets up the artefact to try to figure
out why it keeps giving the same answer. Civilization ends in 2030.

Turning Point
2/Midpoint: Our hero is found out and
the artefact is stolen back during an intense battle.

Act 3: Our hero sneaks
into the house of his former partner. He convinces her to join their
fight. She recruits a few others, and they plan a major assault.

Turning Point 3: But they’re captured and taken to the
artefact because it’s now giving information that the elite think the hero
programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the
answer they want, or they’ll be executed.

Act 4 Climax: Our
mysterious third-party programs the artefact to bring the extinction
timeline in three days’ time disguising it as the elite’s plan for world
domination. When the elite come to see what the artefact says now, they are
happy, but our hero kills them all.
Resolution: We find our mysterious third party is
an alien from the future trying to warn us about our total disregard for
the planet. Jay takes the artefact, and leaves through the portal. Jay has eliminated the Elites and a significant part of the population, but he saves the future. Our hero, his family and his partner and team set out to build a new future.

ANTAGONIST: HARRY BERNHAM

· Beginning: Harry chairs the secret meeting and introduces Conall to the group. He used to be Special Forces and knows they are trustworthy and loyal.

· Inciting Incident: The other Elites know that Harry grieves his wife and tell him that if this mission fails – he’s out. He reminds him he is the only one with the capability to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

Turning Point 1: Harry goes after Conall after it is
determined that Conall stole the artefact.
Act 2: Harry finds Conall but lets
him build the artefact.
Turning Point 2 /
Midpoint: The Elites find out that
Harry knows where Conall and the artefact is. The Elites storm the bunker
and steal the artefact for themselves.

Act 3: Harry sets up the artefact. But it keeps
giving the same answer – life on Earth all ends in 2030.

Turning Point 3: The Elite capture Conall and demand
he re-program it. Harry and Conall work on re-programming the artefact.

Act 4 Climax: The artefact
appears to give the impression they have changed the timeline until Harry
notices weird things happening.

Resolution: Harry and the Elites are dead.

TRIANGLE CHARACTER: JAY the ALIEN

Beginning: He arrived on Earth
through a portal intentionally crashing his spaceship.

Inciting Incident: Allowed himself to be captured.

Turning Point 1: Agrees to consult on the recovery of
the ancient artefact as long as he gets as much organic strawberry ice
cream as he wants.

Act 2: Helps set up the artefact.

Turning Point 2 /
Midpoint: He programs it to do the
opposite of what the Elites told him to do.

Act 3: Jay inserts commands into the
artefact.

Turning Point 3: The countdown on the artefact clock
shows doomsday in 3 days. Only Jay can stop the countdown.

Act 4 Climax: Refusing to stop
the countdown, Jay helps Conall bring an end to the madness.

· Resolution: Tells Conall, that he, Jay, is Conall in the future. Steps through the portal with the artefact and goes home.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 1: Character Journey Structure ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica’s Character Structure

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to make sure the main characters are always in crisis of some sort.

2. Start with the Protagonist and your source material. Create a beginning, middle, and end of the character’s story.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.

PROTAGONIST: CONALL COFFEY

Beginning: A secret meeting between
the 5 powerful men who run the world and Conall to steal an ancient
artefact from a museum. The artefact can alter the timeline and the elite
want it so they always come out on top.<div>

Inciting Incident: Takes on a mission from the five most
powerful men in the world, to steal an ancient artefact with a mysterious
third party.

Turning Point 1: Conall and the third party dismantle
the artefact and steal it themselves.

Act 2: Being chased by
the elite and military our hero hides out in an abandoned military
bunker. He sets up the artefact to
try to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer. Civilization ends
in 2030.

Turning Point
2/Midpoint: Our hero is found out and
the artefact is stolen back during an intense battle.

Act 3: Our hero sneaks
into the house of his former partner. He convinces her to join their
fight. She recruits a few others and they plan a major assault.

Turning Point 3: But they’re captured and taken to the
artefact because it’s now giving information that the elite think the hero
programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the
answer they want or they’ll be executed.

Act 4 Climax: Our
mysterious third party programs the artefact to bring the extinction
timeline in three days’ time disguising it as the elite’s plan for world
domination. When the elite come to see what the artefact says now they are
happy but our hero kills them all.
Resolution: We find our mysterious third party is
an alien from the future trying to warn us about our total disregard for
the planet. He takes the artefact and we have a “beam me up Scotty” moment
when he returns to his ship. Our hero decides to set out with his partner
and their team and eliminate every elite he can find.

ANTAGONIST: HARRY BERNHAM (responsible for the fire) he’s the puppet master

Beginning: Harry chairs the secret
meeting and introduces Conall to the group. He used to be Special Forces
and knows they are trustworthy and loyal.</div><div>

Inciting Incident: The other Elites know that Harry
grieves his wife and tell him that if this mission fails – he’s out. He
reminds him he is the only one with the capability to program the artefact
the way they need it to be programmed.

Turning Point 1: Harry goes after Conall after it is
determined that Conall stole the artefact.
Act 2: Harry finds Conall but lets
him build the artefact.

Turning Point 2 /
Midpoint: The Elites find out that
Harry knows where Conall and the artefact is. The Elites storm the bunker
and steal the artefact for themselves.

Act 3: Harry sets up the artefact. But it keeps
giving the same answer – life on Earth all ends in 2030.

Turning Point 3: The Elite capture Conall and demand
he re-program it. Harry and Conall work on re-programming the artefact.

Act 4 Climax: The artefact
appears to give the impression they have changed the timeline until Harry
notices weird things happening.
Resolution: Harry and the Elites are dead.

TRIANGLE CHARACTER: JAY the ALIEN

Beginning: He arrived on Earth
through a portal intentionally crashing his spaceship.</div><div>

Inciting Incident: Allowed himself to be captured.

Turning Point 1: Agrees to consult on the recovery of
the ancient artefact.

Act 2: Helps set up the artefact.

Turning Point 2 /
Midpoint: He programs it to
do the opposite of what the Elites told him to do.

Act 3: Jay inserts commands into the artefact (still have to think about this).

Turning Point 3: The countdown on the artefact clock
shows doomsday in 3 days. Only Jay can stop the countdown.

Act 4 Climax: Refusing to stop
the countdown, Jay helps Conall bring an end to the madness.

Resolution: Tells Conall, that he, Jay, is Conall in the future. Steps through the portal with the artefact and goes home.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Module 3 — Lesson 8: Purpose Driven Supporting Characters

Subject Line: Monica’s Supporting Characters

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to think about the cast around the lead characters—which I haven’t really done before I started writing a script. I would just plug them in. So I see the value in this.

Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

Name: Evie
Role: Works for the
elite as their main security. Conall love interest?
Main purpose: Is tasked with finding Conall
after he steals the artefact.
Value: To increase tension
as she tries to find Conall. And when she does find him the conflict
between the two.

Support 2:

Name: Elgar
Role: Second in
command of the five elites
Main purpose: Ensure Harry carries out the
mandate.
Value: To show Harry what
will happen if they don’t meet the deadline.<div>

Background Characters: Special Forces team, museum workers, the rest of the “Five”, engineers, scientists

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Character Profiles Part 2

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is writing characters before writing the script lets you see the big picture of how your main characters fit together. Doesn’t mean they take on a life of their own when you start writing, but it’s a great place to begin.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

CONALL COFFEY

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. His transformational journey from undying loyalty to the military industrial complex to savior of the world through the extermination of the elite.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A highly decorated military intelligence officer who can be trusted. His ruthlessness for a just cause comes from his IRA Irish roots. He appears to go along with his masters until the time is right to turn the tables on them.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. Age range and Description: 40’s, tall, fit with those Irish good looks

3. Core Traits: Problem-solver, brave, risk-taker, sensitive, nerd

4. Motivation:

Want: Manipulate the timeline.

Need: To stop the elite from manipulating the timeline for their agenda.

5. Wound: Wasn’t there when his family died.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Conall
takes good care of his family just before he is sent on a mission. He
takes his role of leader seriously and always puts the safety of his team
first.<div>

Relatability: Conall
places flowers on the graves of his family. Believes the fire was
deliberately set. Wants to get justice for his family.

Empathy: Conall
watches as a fire engulfs his home but he is restrained from going in to
save his family. He gives his family the best of funerals.

7. Character Subtext:

Subtext Identity: Special Forces commander with his own agenda

Subtext Trait: Treacherous
Subtext Logline: Conall is a rogue
Special Forces commander who is a treacherous and dangerous man with his
own agenda.</div><div>

Possible Areas of
Subtext: Listening without saying
much, suspicious of everyone, plays both sides of the story, subtly
manipulates the “elites”.

8. Character Intrigue:

Hidden agendas: He’s going to find who
killed his family and make them pay.</div><div>

Secrets: Him and
Jay are on the same side.

Deception: Goes along
with the antagonist and his cohorts to find out what they really are
planning and then to turn the tables on them.

Unspoken Wound: Lost his wife and kids to a
fire that was intentionally set by the government.

Areas of Subtext: Listening without saying much,
suspicious of everyone, plays both sides of the story, subtly manipulates
the “elites”.

9. Flaw: Over does things instead of getting some help

10. Values: Family, duty, loyalty

11. Character Dilemma: Love versus duty

HARRY BERNHAM

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. From a successful tech entrepreneur to the leader of the group of 5 who want to rule the world.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: He hides his evil intentions behind a mask of charm and helping humanity but really he’s manipulative and sociopathic.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: 50’s, slim, weasely, short

3. Core Traits: Intolerant, nerd, fascist, highly-intelligent

4. Motivation:

Want: Manipulate the timeline.

Need: To cleanse the world of undesirables to make it a safe place for him.

5. Wound: The only person who never teased or bullied him was his wife. Now he’s going to make the bullies pay.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability:
Harry wants to keep his children
safe after the death of his wife. He spends time with them after work. </div><div>

Relatability:
He’s angry and sad that his wife
has died but he has a job to do regardless of how he feels.

Empathy: He’d do anything to bring her back
as she was the love of his life.

7. Character Subtext:

Subtext Identity: Leader of the elites and lawyer

Subtext Trait: Deceitful, immoral </div><div>

Subtext Logline: Harry is a lawyer and the deceitful,
immoral leader of the “elites” who knows the laws of every country to
achieve his agenda.

Possible Areas of
Subtext: Control every situation,
uses immoral actions to get what he wants, and doesn’t realize he’s being
manipulated.

8. Character Intrigue:

Hidden agendas: He runs the world and has most
governments doing his bidding.
Conspiracies:
Harry and his buddies are planning the demise of most of Earth’s
population so only the elite and a few slaves are left.</div><div>

Secrets: Collects other people’s secrets and
isn’t afraid to use them.

Unspoken Wound: Grew up in a family who put success ahead
of everything else including love which they viewed as a weakness.

Areas of Subtext: Control every situation, uses immoral
actions to get what he wants, and doesn’t realize he’s being manipulated.

9. Flaw: Can’t look at their fears

10. Values: Winning at all costs

11. Character Dilemma: Wealthy instead of being a good person

JAY (ALIEN)

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. His transformational journey from captive to science advisor on the artefact.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A time travelling human from the future come to warn humanity.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle Character

2. Age range and Description: Tall, thin, big head

3. Core Traits: Patient, highly-intelligent, quiet

4. Motivation:

Want: Manipulate the timeline.

Need: To go home.

5. Wound: Failed at saving his civilization. He has only one chance to fix the timeline.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: He
helps Conall without the elites knowing. But doesn’t help them.</div><div>

Relatability: He
has a job to do. Doesn’t tolerate the stupid, rich people.

Empathy: After this mission he’s been promised he can go home.

7. Character Subtext:

Subtext Identity: Scientific advisor

Subtext Trait: Highly evolved, highly
intelligent</div><div>

Subtext Logline: Jay is a time travelling alien that
needs the artefact in order to right a wrong perpetrated millions of years
ago.

Potential areas of
Sub-text: Can manipulate energy and
implant ideas into human brains, always watching which makes the elites
uncomfortable, gets in touch with his people.

8. Character Intrigue:

Hidden agendas: Plans on stopping the elites

Secrets: Time
travelling alien</div><div>

Deception: Goes along with the antagonist until it’s time to
implement his agenda.

Unspoken Wound: Didn’t want this assignment –
doesn’t like Earth people but
he’s “imprisoned” here against his will until he can break free.

Secret Identity: Is an alien.

Areas of Sub-text: Can manipulate energy and
implant ideas into human brains, always watching which makes the elites
uncomfortable, gets in touch with his people.

9. Flaw: Over-confidence

10. Values: Knowledge/Science

11. Character Dilemma: Finish his mission so he can go home versus destroying Earth’s civilization, and himself and his civilization, for peace in the galaxy.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to look for attributes and traits that fit my vision of the characters for this story.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

CONALL COFFEY

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. His transformational journey from undying loyalty to the military industrial complex to savior of the world through the extermination of the elite.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A highly decorated military intelligence officer who can be trusted. His ruthlessness for a just cause comes from his IRA Irish roots. He appears to go along with his masters until the time is right to turn the tables on them.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. Age range and Description: 40’s, tall, fit with those Irish good looks

3. Core Traits: Problem-solver, brave, risk-taker, sensitive, nerd

4. Motivation:

Want: Manipulate the timeline.

Need: To stop the elite from manipulating the timeline for their agenda.

5. Wound: Wasn’t there when his family died.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Conall
takes good care of his family just before he is sent on a mission. He
takes his role of leader seriously and always puts the safety of his team
first.<div>

Relatability: Conall
places flowers on the graves of his family. Believes the fire was
deliberately set. Wants to get justice for his family.

Empathy: Conall
watches as a fire engulfs his home but he is restrained from going in to
save his family. He gives his family the best of funerals.

HARRY BERNHAM

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. From a successful tech entrepreneur to the leader of the group of 5 who want to rule the world.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: He hides his evil intentions behind a mask of charm and helping humanity but really he’s manipulative and sociopathic.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: 50’s, slim, weasely, short

3. Core Traits: Intolerant, nerd, fascist, highly-intelligent

4. Motivation:

Want: Manipulate the timeline.

Need: To cleanse the world of undesirables to make it a safe place for him.

5. Wound: The only person who never teased or bullied him was his wife. Now he’s going to make the bullies pay.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability:
Harry wants to keep his children
safe after the death of his wife. He spends time with them after work.</div><div>

Relatability:
He’s angry and sad that his wife
has died but he has a job to do regardless of how he feels.

Empathy: He’d do anything to bring her back
as she was the love of his life.

JAY (ALIEN)

A. The High Concept. Leading a rogue Special Forces team they steal an ancient artefact to supposedly keep it safe from nefarious elements only to discover their masters want to use it to manipulate the timeline to put themselves in charge until they discover all timelines end in 2030.

B. This character’s journey. His transformational journey from captive to science advisor on the artefact.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A time travelling human from the future come to warn humanity.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle Character

2. Age range and Description: Tall, thin, big head

3. Core Traits: Patient, highly-intelligent, quiet

4. Motivation:

5. Want: Manipulate the timeline.

6. Need: To go home.

7. Wound: Failed at saving his civilization. He has only one chance to fix the timeline.

8. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: He
helps Conall without the elites knowing. But doesn’t help them.</div>

Relatability: He
has a job to do. Doesn’t tolerate the stupid, rich people.

Empathy: After this mission he’s been promised he can go home.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from
doing this assignment is to set up each character’s story layer by layer using
experiences we all possibly go through in our lives.<div>

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

Likability: Conall
takes good care of his family just before he is sent on a mission. He
takes his role of leader seriously and always puts the safety of his team
first.</div><div>

Relatability: Conall
places flowers on the graves of his family. Believes the fire was
deliberately set. Wants to get justice for his family.

Empathy: Conall
watches as a fire engulfs his home but he is restrained from going in to
save his family. He gives his family the best of funerals.

Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

Likability: Harry
wants to keep his children safe after the death of his wife. He spends
time with them after work.</div>

Relatability: He’s
angry and sad that his wife has died but he has a job to do regardless of
how he feels.

Empathy: He’d
do anything to bring her back as she was the love of his life.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 4: Character Intrigue

Subject: Monica’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to design characters before writing a single word that are flawed and intriguing to make your story interesting and thrilling.

2. For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.

Character Name: Conall Coffey

Role: Protagonist

Deception: Goes along
with the antagonist and his cohorts to find out what they really are
planning and then to turn the tables on them.

Unspoken Wound: Lost his wife and kids to a
fire that was intentionally set by the government.

Areas of Subtext: Listening without saying much, suspicious
of everyone, plays both sides of the story, subtly manipulates the
“elites”.

Character Name: Harry Bernham

Role: Antagonist

Hidden agendas: He runs the world and has
most governments doing his bidding. Conspiracies: Harry and his
buddies are planning the demise of most of Earth’s population so only the
elite and a few slaves are left.

Secrets: Collects
other people’s secrets and isn’t afraid to use them.

Unspoken Wound: Grew
up in a family who put success ahead of everything else including love
which they viewed as a weakness.

Areas of Subtext: Control every situation, uses immoral
actions to get what he wants, and doesn’t realize he’s being manipulated.

Character Name: Jay the Alien

Role: Triangle
character — Advisor

Hidden agendas: Plans on stopping the
elites.

Deception: Goes along with the antagonist until it’s time to
implement his agenda.

Unspoken Wound: Didn’t
want this assignment – doesn’t like Earth people but he’s “imprisoned” here against his will until he can
break free.

Secret Identity: Is an alien.

Areas of Sub-text: Can manipulate energy and
implant ideas into human brains, always watching which makes the elites
uncomfortable, gets in touch with his people.

[Monica Arisman]

Module 3 — Lesson 3: Character Subtext

Subject: Monica’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from
doing this assignment is how important it is to build character sub-text before
you write the script.<div>

2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

Movie Title: THE GRAY MAN</div>

Character Name: Sierra Six

Subtext Identity: The competitor

Subtext Trait: Dangerous

Subtext Logline: Six is a dangerous competitor
who covers it by being polite as he goes about his business as a CIA
assassin.

Possible Areas of
Subtext: Defends the defenseless,
lets his actions speak rather than having to talk all the time, doesn’t
seem to have a plan.

<div>

3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

Character Name: Conall Coffey</div>

Subtext Identity: Special Forces commander
with his own agenda

Subtext Trait: Treacherous

Subtext Logline: Conall is a rogue
Special Forces commander who is a treacherous and dangerous man with his
own agenda.

Possible Areas of
Subtext: Listening without saying
much, suspicious of everyone, plays both sides of the story, subtly
manipulates the “elites”.

Character Name: Harry Bernham

Subtext Identity: Leader of the elites and lawyer

Subtext Trait: Deceitful, immoral

Subtext Logline: Harry is a lawyer and the deceitful,
immoral leader of the “elites” who knows the laws of every country to
achieve his agenda.

Possible Areas of
Subtext: Control every situation, uses
immoral actions to get what he wants, doesn’t realize he’s being
manipulated.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject line: Monica’s Actor Attractors

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned doing this assignment is to look at your main characters
through a series of character traits that would be applicable to a character in
that position in a story.<div>

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name: CONALL
COFFEY

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· Highly decorated military intelligence officer who has seen it all. Except he hasn’t until now. This mission will blow what he thought the world was to pieces and make him re-think his place in the world and how he can protect those close to him.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· His total disrespect for those who have so much money they think they are above the rest of us.

· His transformational journey from undying loyalty to the military industrial complex to savior of the world through the extermination of the elite.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· When he realizes the Antagonists are going to manipulate the timeline to bring about an event to send civilization into chaos and he steals the artefact and its quantum computer.

· Kills whomever gets in his way without remorse.

· When the Elites want to make their security more pliable they want to outfit them with shock collars and he outfits the Elite with shock collars instead.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· Because he’s Irish show his ancestors IRA roots and the trouble they caused to change the world. He draws on that to stop the current madness.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

· A brilliant, highly-intelligent, stoic guy who is also sensitive when things dear to him are threatened. Piss him off at your peril!

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· At the beginning he observes, to find the real meaning behind the op, and when he figures it out, it appears he is doing what his “masters” want but really he’s doing what he knows needs to be done to stop them.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· With the Alien because he’s so intelligent he understands what the Alien is trying to do.

· With his ex-partner and ex-lover.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

· By treating the Elites to the exact circumstances they have in store for the average person – shock collars, slavery, steal their money and give it to the average person just trying to live.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· His ruthlessness for a just cause.

· Realizes there are many faces to the goings on in the world.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE</div><div>

Lead Character Name: HARRY
BERNHAM

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· Bernham leads the group of 5 who want the planet for themselves and their family.

· He’s evil incarnate. Trust him at your own peril!

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· He’s highly intelligent and successful and ruthless.

· Although he gives the masses what they want, more and more technology, he and his buddies plan to use that technology to rid the planet of most of the population.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· He’s fascinated with Nazi Germany and fascism and the experiments they did on people.

· But he’s more interested in the supposed time travel that Hitler and gang engaged in.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· Through his “experiments” with what he deems undesirables.

· The way he interacts with his little gang of Elites.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

· Charming to a fault but manipulative and sociopathic.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· Basically evil but disguises this as someone who truly wants to save humanity.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· With his elite buddies. Thinks if he pulls off their agenda he will benefit. Maybe.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

· Through the contrast of his charming self and his philosophical drive to be master of the world.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· His charisma, his “Hitler” philosophy and his drive to do whatever it takes to accomplish his goal.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE</div><div>

Lead Character Name: JAY
(ALIEN)

Role: Triangle Character

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· This is a human time traveler who has come back in time to warn humanity about the path they are on.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· His total disrespect for those who have so much money.

· His mandate from the galactic counsel is to interfere if warranted.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· He knows how to manipulate the timelines but he keeps that information to himself.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· Flew his spaceship out of a portal and intentionally crashed it to be taken to the leaders of the world.

· He closed the portal and hid its location in case he needs to use it to escape.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

· A highly-intelligent, technologically superior being with the patience of Christ.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· He knows that if Conall cannot fix the situation he will interfere. But keeps that secret to himself.

· He reads minds so can manipulate the characters but this is disguised by making suggestions based on this ability to make the characters think it’s their idea.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· With Conall, Conall’s partner and his handlers in the government.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· He says very little.

· Reads minds and can also implant suggestions into human’s brains.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Actor Attractors for THE GRAY MAN

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned doing this assignment is that characters need to be unique to your story and what The Gray Man taught me is how not to do that. It is a movie of clichés – Bourne, John Wick, Bond, Die Hard. And this is from the Russo brothers!

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Criteria:

A. In your genre: THE GRAY MAN – action/thriller

B. Has big actors: Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, Billy Bob Thornton, Regé-Jean Page

C. Is a well-known movie (but not a Marvel or DC movie): Check. Just released on Netflix.

3. For each lead character, list out the 9 Actor Attractors as I did with 3:10 TO YUMA. Use the Actor Attractor questions below.

Movie Title: THE GRAY MAN

Lead Character Name: SIERRA SIX (Ryan Gosling)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Gets to be a hero/anti-hero. Fights the bad guys in the CIA. Travels the world. Does some good.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

He’s the best CIA asset who has a moral conscience – he doesn’t kill kids, he protects them, his brother and Claire.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He improvises in situations to stay alive, eg. Getting out of a subterranean trap.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Part of an op but discovers the target is a fellow operative who’s discovered corruption in the CIA and that’s why his time is up. But he gives Six a USB that has all the evidence.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Unemotional except where the young girl is concerned but even then he’s stoic.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

He’s a good guy with a good heart masked by being an excellent CIA asset.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

His handler and Claire the young girl. And Dani near the end when she comes over to his side.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through the other characters, flashbacks show us how he got to be the character he is – abusive father who was taking it too far with his brother so he killed him.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

CIA asset who improvises, always one step ahead of the CIA and he has a heart and soul.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

Scene where he ends up babysitting Claire who likes to play “Silver Bird” on her turntable. Obviously, doesn’t know what to do with a pre-teen kid. He sends her to bed just in time to stop an assassin. She ends up having a heart attack and he takes her to the hospital to have her pacemaker fixed.

Movie Title: THE GRAY MAN

Lead Character Name: LLOYD HANSEN (Chris Evans)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Antagonist. A sociopathic asset who was fired from the CIA and is in private “business” now.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

He’s very good at his job but he’d kill a puppy if it got in his way.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He’s a torture expert. Threatens others if he can’t get his own way. Kills informants once their usefulness is over.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Bad CIA guy Carmichael calls in Lloyd when he discovers Six has the USB from a dead asset and it will incriminate Carmichael.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Crazy. Crazy and more crazy. And he seems so happy about it!

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Lloyd is pretty one dimensional. He takes crazy to an art form.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With himself. No one can stand him. Nobody trusts him. He only trusts himself.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through killing. He has no qualms about killing police, innocent by-standers. He has an instinct for survival and at one point when Fitzroy is going to sacrifice himself with a grenade, Lloyd throws his partner in front of him to survive.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Ex-CIA asset who was too crazy even for the CIA. A hot head who continues to be bested by Six making Lloyd do crazier and crazier things.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The town square in Prague after Cahill has blown herself and several assets to pieces, Lloyd escapes to hunt Six who is running for his life into the square. The police arrest Six but Lloyd has sent other assets into the square who just start shooting – innocent bystanders, police, even SWAT when they show up. He will kill anyone and everyone. And he still doesn’t kill Six who is trying to save people.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned doing this assignment is to take the time to think about how the conventions could show up in the outline.

Give us the following:

Title: Time Guardians

Concept: A rogue Special Forces intelligence team steals an
ancient artefact at the start of the first Iraq war to keep it safe from
the hands of the New World Order who wants to use it to manipulate the
timeline only to discover all timelines end in 2030. <div>

<div>

Genre: Action

<div>

3. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre:

Action:

Purpose:
Adrenaline-stirring / fast paced:</div>

Demand for Action:

<div>

Mission:

Escalating Action:

Hero:

Antagonist:

Act 1:

Opening: Special Forces
intelligence team steal an ancient artefact amidst a hail of gunfire and
heavy resistance from the keepers of the artefact.
A secret meeting between the
five powerful men who run the world, the head of a Special Forces
intelligence team and a mysterious third party make a plan to build the
ancient artefact. This artefact can alter the timeline so the elite always
come out on top. And if the Hero fails, the elite will set
into motion events that will kill thousands of people until they get what
they want.</div>

<div>

Inciting Incident: The ancient artefact has been built
and it’s more powerful than anyone imagined but it keeps giving the same
answer – that the elite and powerful never get world domination. Set off event #1.

Turning Point: Our protagonist and the
mysterious third party dismantle the artefact and steal it.

Act 2:

New plan: Being chased by the elite
and military our hero hides out in an abandoned military bunker.
Plan in action: He sets up the artefact to try
to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer. Civilization ends in
2030. But there are traitors amongst
his team and they plot to kill him and nearly succeed. Meanwhile, event #2
is initiated.</div>

<div>

Midpoint Turning Point: The elite’s
private army finds our Hero
and the artefact is stolen back during an intense battle but is it really the original artefact?

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Our hero sneaks into the house of his
former partner.
New plan: He convinces her to join their fight.
She recruits a few others and they plan a major assault.</div>

Turning Point: Huge
failure / Major shift: But they’re ambushed and a
battle ensues but alas
they are captured and taken to the artefact because it’s now giving
information that the elite think the hero programmed it to do. They have 2
days to re-program it and give them the answer they want or they’ll be
executed.

<div>

Act 4:

New plan: Our mysterious third party programs
the artefact to bring the extinction timeline in three days’ time
disguising it as the elite’s plan for world domination. Then they inform the elite that the artefact has been
reprogrammed but event #3 is set off.</div>

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: When the elite come to see what the
artefact says now they are happy and order the
killing of the hero and his team.
But our hero kills them all.

Resolution: We find our mysterious third party is
an alien from the future trying to warn us about our total disregard for
the planet. He takes the artefact and we have a “beam me up Scotty” moment
when he returns to his ship. Our hero decides to set out with his partner
and their team and eliminate every elite he can find.

</div></div>

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Monica’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned doing this assignment is to plan the high level parts of the story before you write one word – haven’t always done that.

Give us the following:

Title: Time Guardians

Concept: A rogue Special Forces intelligence team steals an
ancient artefact at the start of the first Iraq war to keep it safe from
the hands of the New World Order who wants to use it to manipulate the
timeline only to discover all timelines end in 2030.
Main Conflict: The five
powerful men that run the world need to ensure they come out on top and
enlist outside help to manipulate the timeline only find obstacle after
obstacle in their way to complete world domination. Theme: Good vs Evil;
the Dark vs the Light. <div>

Internal Journey: Strong
and afraid who has suppressed his moral code will do any job for his
superiors.

External Journey: From
the always reliable “hit man” with no conscience to the one who sees
what’s going on and finally does something about it.

Old Ways:

Doesn’t want to look at his life.

Basically
did his job with no emotion and never questioned orders.</div><div>

Was
alone and lonely.

Was
brainwashed into believing his superior’s ways were the only ways.

New Ways:

Released
from his wound.

Fights
for a cause he believes in.

Ready
to find love.

Ready
to do what’s necessary for the greater good.

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: A secret meeting
between the five powerful men who run the world, the head of a Special
Forces intelligence team and a mysterious third party make a plan to steal
an ancient artefact. This artefact can alter the timeline so the elite
always come out on top.</div>

Inciting Incident: The ancient artefact has been built
and it’s more powerful than anyone imagined but it keeps giving the same
answer – that the elite and powerful never get world domination.

<div>

Turning Point: Our protagonist and the
mysterious third party dismantle the artefact and steal it.

Act 2:

New plan: Being chased by the elite
and military our hero hides out in an abandoned military bunker.</div><div>

Plan in action: He sets up the artefact to try
to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer. Civilization ends in
2030.

Midpoint Turning Point: Our hero is found out and the artefact
is stolen back during an intense battle.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Our hero sneaks into the house of his
former partner.</div><div>

New plan: He convinces her to join their fight.
She recruits a few others and they plan a major assault.

Turning Point: Huge
failure / Major shift: But they’re captured and taken to the artefact
because it’s now giving information that the elite think the hero
programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the
answer they want or they’ll be executed.

Act 4:

New plan: Our mysterious third party programs
the artefact to bring the extinction timeline in three days’ time
disguising it as the elite’s plan for world domination.</div>

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: When the elite come to see what the
artefact says now they are happy but our hero kills them all.

Resolution: We find our mysterious third party is
an alien from the future trying to warn us about our total disregard for
the planet. He takes the artefact and we have a “beam me up Scotty” moment
when he returns to his ship. Our hero decides to set out with his partner
and their team and eliminate every elite he can find.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject Line: Monica Subtext Plot

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from
doing this assignment is to decide the sub-text plots before the first draft, I’ve
always tried to insert them into subsequent drafts resulting in my confusion.<div>

2. Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots.

Title: Time Guardians

Concept: A rogue Special Forces intelligence team steals an ancient artefact at the start of the first Iraq war to keep it safe from the hands of the New World Order who wants to use it to manipulate the timeline only to discover all timelines end in 2030.

Scheme and Investigation</div><div>

Layering

3. Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

Scheme and Investigation
– Our Protagonist fulfills his job to steal the artefact but during the
journey to the museum in Iraq he is saddled with our mysterious Triangle
Character (yes I decided to have one!) who seems to know exactly what the
artefact is and how to use it.</div>

Layering – Our Protagonist
thinks the artefact is for scientific purposes but when the mysterious
Triangle Character reveals its real purpose – manipulating timelines – the
artefact must be stolen once again to keep it from those running the
world.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject Line: Monica’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment to take an in-depth look at the character arc and look for the hero’s deepest wounds and fears and how these would change as the movie went on.

2. Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist:

Arc Beginning: From an
arrogant, highly decorated intelligence yes man to… <div>

Arc Ending: …the guy
that saves humanity against the corrupt powers that be.

<div>

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey:

Internal Journey: Strong
and afraid who has suppressed his moral code will do any job for his
superiors.</div><div>

External Journey: From
the always reliable “hit man” with no conscience to the one who sees what’s
going on and finally does something about it.

<div>

4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.

Old Ways: </div>

Didn’t
want to look at his life.

Basically
did his job with no emotion and never questioned orders.

Was
alone and lonely.

Was
brainwashed into believing his superior’s ways were the only ways.

New Ways:

Released
from his wound.

Fights
for a cause he believes in.

Ready
to find love.

Ready
to do what’s necessary for the greater good.

</div></div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject Line: Monica’s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to get into the characters at the beginning by keeping in mind your concept and title. I’ve not done that before.

2. Give us a logline (one sentence answer) for your protagonist, antagonist, and triangle character (if you have one) to the question, “What makes this character fit my concept and title powerfully?”

My protagonist is a Special Forces Commanding Officer
who protects the artefact from negative forces at all costs.
My antagonist is the unofficial leader of the world who
wants the artefact to make himself the declared world leader of the world
and diminish its population so there’s more for him and his cronies.
Triangle Character: I’m toying with adding one but I’m
not convinced yet.

3. Tell us what makes each of these characters unique. These two steps will look like this:

Character: Special Forces Commanding Officer
Logline: Highly
decorated SPCO leads a team to recover an alien artefact that can
manipulate timelines.
Unique: They
went rogue and plan on removing all politicians to free the people.

Character: The
anonymous man who runs the world
Logline: After
discovering the power behind an alien artefact he makes a plan to bring
him more power and money.
Unique: He
collects secrets and isn’t afraid to use them.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject Line: Monica’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

What I learned from doing this assignment is to use a more formal process to outline. Previously, I would have a whole bunch of notes of things I wanted to include in the script but not a formal outline. Hopefully, this breaks me of this bad habit because my way has only led to confusion and frustration!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

2. Post your Title, and Concept to claim ownership of it.

Concept: A rogue Special Forces team steals an ancient artefact at the start of the first Iraq war to keep it safe from the hands of the New World Order who wants to use it to manipulate the timeline only to discover all timelines end in 2030.

Title: Time Guardians

3. Tell us the Character Structure you’ve chosen.

Protagonist versus Antagonist.

[Monica Arisman]

1. Monica Arisman.

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 5.

3. What other ScreenwritingU Classes you’ve taken? I’m an alumni of MSC 5, and phase 3 & 4 of MSC 14. I’ve taken the Action class, Thriller class, contained class, and several others.

4. What you hope to get out of the class? My MSC 14 script did quite well last year in several screenplay competitions – 1/4 finalist. But I can’t seem to figure out why it won’t move on. I thought I found someone who had the answer only now it’s not finishing at all! So instead of spending all that money on subjective coverage, I thought I’d do this class and find the secret to rewriting War Angels to win!

5. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I like to walk. That’s where I usually work out script issues.

[Monica Arisman]

Monica Arisman,

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

0

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #6: Re-Write this Scene

LOGLINE: Two witches disagree on how to return magic to the Earth.

ESSENCE: Magic can be found in the mundane.

SCENE:

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – NIGHT

A full moon shines its light onto the clearing in the forest. A circle of stones surround a bonfire. In the circle a table covered in a white cloth stands. Candles burn at the four corners. Incense wafts over the table from stone bowls suspended on stands.

Several hooded figures form another circle close to the trees. Their cloaks are white. There are two people whose cloaks are red. They stand at either end of the table within the circle.

One of the white hooded figures steps into the circle. This is the HIGH PRIESTESS, tall, 50s, long white hair with a streak of black. She stands at the centre position of the table.

HIGH PRIESTESS

We gather in the light of the full moon to perform the ritual to bring magic back to the world.

She looks from one to the other of the red hooded figures.

HIGH PRIESTESS
Carley and Marcus do you, of your own free will, agree to participate in this ritual.

Shedding his cloak, MARCUS, 30s, tall, well-built, with dazzling blue eyes and dark hair, stands naked before the Coven.

MARCUS

I do.

All eyes are on CARLEY, 30s, petite, thin with dark eyes and long dark hair, avoids eye contact with the other members of the coven. Hugs her cloak closer to her body.

HIGH PRIESTESS
(gently)

Carley, do you still wish to participate.

CARLEY

(whispers)

I don’t see how having sex with HIM is going to bring magic back to the world.

HIGH PRIESTESS
We’ve gone over this. You’re the only virgin we could find. And we need the blood of a virgin for the ritual to work.

CARLEY

How do I know he’s even clean? Someone like him has probably had many lovers.

MARCUS

Never had a virgin before.

(to Carley)

I promise I’ll be gentle. But we need to hurry up or the power of the full moon will be wasted on her evasiveness. Now get on with it woman, take your cloak off.

HIGH PRIESTESS
That’s enough.

MARCUS

I’d have already taken her. When I’m high priest if I have to tie them down and rape them I will.

CARLEY

Really? Then you’ll never be the high priest.

Carley walks up to Marcus. Looks him up and down.

CARLEY

You don’t know the first thing about honour, or ritual.

She starts to back away and right into a large cloaked figure who grasps her by the upper arms.

HIGH PRIESTESS

ENOUGH! A ritual infused with violence doesn’t accomplish our purposes.

MARCUS

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. But there’s nowhere to run. This was your choice. And choices have consequences.

The cloaked figure rips Carley’s robe off her. She stands naked before the coven. The rest of the coven shed their robes also. They step into the circle.

CARLEY

I’m not afraid, as much as you’d like to think I am. But I’ve never heard of this ritual before.

MARCUS

It’s old magic. Now get on the table on your back.

CARLEY

No, thank you. I want someone else. One who preferably doesn’t have the macho ego you do.

MARCUS

I’m all you got, sweetie. There isn’t anyone else.

CARLEY

In an ordinary day he’d be the last man I’d sleep with.

MARCUS

Where is this coming from?

CARLEY

From my sense of self-respect. Where are you coming from?

Marcus snorts. He saunters around the table. Carley matches his movements in the opposite direction.

MARCUS

We don’t have time for her games.

The High Priestess grabs Carley’s arm.

HIGH PRIESTESS
I am sorry. I did not realize how upset you would be.

CARLEY

Not to worry.

Marcus reaches Carley. The High Priestess lets go of her arm. Carley makes a fist and spins and hits Marcus in the face. Marcus falls back on his ass on the ground.

MARCUS

What the hell was that for?

CARLEY

That’s for making this perverted instead of sacred.

Marcus slowly gets up. Working his jaw back and forth.

MARCUS

It’s sex. That’s all.

CARLEY

That’s all. That’s all. How did you even get to be a witch?

MARCUS

Family tradition. Look I’m sorry if you’re upset. But the full moon power is not going to have the effect we hope for if you keep this up.

Marcus warily approaches Carley. He reaches out his hand. She reluctantly takes it.

CARLEY

I want them all to turn around.

MARCUS

Everyone face the forest.

HIGH PRIESTESS

(turns)

Well I never.

MARCUS

Yes you have. Don’t you remember our first time? I’m wounded.

The High Priestess stiffens. Marcus takes Carley in his arms. They kiss.

MARCUS

(to Carley)

Now up on the table…

Marcus grabs Carley. She kicks him. Punches his arms. Marcus tightens his grip on her. Forces her on the table.

MARCUS

I’m really sorry this is so difficult for you. I’ll be gentle.

He holds her down. Just as he’s about to do the deed….Carley stops struggling. Smiles. Brings his head down to her face. Kisses him passionately. Releases his head.

CARLEY

I’ve had better kissers. And bigger men in the sex department.

HIGH PRIESTESS

What?! You’re supposed to be a virgin.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #6: Write this Scene

LOGLINE: Two witches disagree on how to return magic to the Earth.

ESSENCE: Magic can be found in the mundane.

SCENE:

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – NIGHT

A full moon shines its light onto the clearing in the forest. A circle of stones surround a bonfire. In the circle a table covered in a white cloth stands.

Several hooded figures form another circle close to the trees. Their cloaks are white. There are two people whose cloaks are red. They stand at either end of the table within the circle.

One of the white hooded figures steps into the circle. This is the HIGH PRIESTESS, tall, 50s, long white hair with a streak of black. She stands at the centre position of the table.

HIGH PRIESTESS

We gather in the light of the full moon to perform the ritual to bring magic back to the world.

She looks from one to the other of the red hooded figures.

HIGH PRIESTESS
Carley and Marcus do you, of your own free will, agree to participate in this ritual.

MARCUS

I do.

Shedding his cloak, MARCUS, 30s, tall, well-built, with dazzling blue eyes and dark hair, stands naked before the Coven.

All eyes are on CARLEY, 30s, petite, thin with dark eyes and long dark hair, avoids eye contact with the other members of the coven.

HIGH PRIESTESS
(gently)

Carley, do you still wish to participate.

CARLEY

(whispers)

I don’t see how having sex with HIM is going to bring magic back to the world.

HIGH PRIESTESS
We’ve gone over this. You’re the only virgin we could find. And we need the blood of a virgin for the ritual to work.

CARLEY

How do I know he’s even clean? Someone like him has probably had many lovers.

MARCUS

Never had a virgin before.

(to Carley)

I promise I’ll be gentle. But we need to hurry up or the power of the full moon will be wasted on her evasiveness. Or are you afraid?

HIGH PRIESTESS
That’s enough.

MARCUS

I’d have already taken her. When I’m high priest if I have to tie them down and rape them I will.

Carley gasps. She starts to back away and right into a large cloaked figure who grasps her by the upper arms.

HIGH PRIESTESS

A ritual infused with violence doesn’t accomplish our purposes. Remember that IF you ever become high priest.

MARCUS

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. But there’s nowhere to run.

The cloaked figure rips Carley’s robe off her. She stands naked before the coven. The rest of the coven shed their robes also. They step into the circle.

CARLEY

I’m not afraid, as much as you’d like to think I am. But I’ve never heard of this ritual before.

MARCUS

It’s old magic. Now get on the table on your back.

CARLEY

No. I want someone else. One who preferably doesn’t have the macho ego you do.

HIGH PRIESTESS

There isn’t anyone else.

CARLEY

In an ordinary day he’d be the last man I’d sleep with.

MARCUS

Where is this coming from?

CARLEY

From my sense of self-respect. Where are you coming from?

Marcus snorts. He saunters around the table. Carley matches his movements in the opposite direction.

MARCUS

We don’t have time for her games.

The High Priestess grabs Carley’s arm.

HIGH PRIESTESS
I am sorry. I did not realize how upset you would be.

CARLEY

Not to worry.

Marcus reaches Carley. The High Priestess lets go of her arm. Carley makes a fist and spins and hits Marcus in the face. Marcus falls back on his ass on the ground.

MARCUS

What the hell was that for?

CARLEY

That’s for making this perverted instead of sacred.

Marcus slowly gets up. Working his jaw back and forth.

MARCUS

It’s sex. That’s all.

CARLEY

That’s all. That’s all. How did you even get to be a witch?

MARCUS

Family tradition. Look I’m sorry if you’re upset. But the full moon power is not going to have the effect we hope for if you keep this up.

Marcus warily approaches Carley. He reaches out his hand. She reluctantly takes it.

CARLEY

I want them all to turn around.

MARCUS

Everyone face the forest.

HIGH PRIESTESS

(turns)

Well I never.

MARCUS

Yes you have.

The High Priestess stiffens. Marcus takes Carley in his arms. They kiss.

MARCUS

(to Carley)

Now up on the table…

Carley grabs Marcus and bites his neck.

CARLEY

I think I want a woman.

[Monica Arisman]

LESSON 24: QE Cycle #5: Re-Write This Scene

LOGLINE: In order to clean up the rampant drug trafficking Toronto police send undercover officers in to nightclubs to discover the source.

ESSENCE: Don’t always believe what your eyes tell you.

SCENE:

INT. NOISY TORONTO NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

BRANDY and PHILLIP are dancing to the Rolling Stones song, I (Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. Brandy, 20s, sexy, gyrates around Phillip, 40s, devilishly handsome, well-dressed, too old to be a stoner, shuffles his feet out of time with the beat.

The dance floor is crowded. The music loud. Brandy shimmies up to Phillip. Gyrating up and down and all around him. Traces her finger up and down his arm and across his shoulder. She dances behind him. As she dances around him she presses her body against him. Slips something into his pocket.

BRANDY

(into Phillip’s ear)

So when are we going to your place. I really need to get laid.

PHILLIP

Look….what’s your name?

BRANDY

Brandy.

PHILLIP

Brandy, you don’t even know me. I’m probably old enough to be your father. It wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of you like that.

BRANDY

It could be fun. You won’t be disappointed. I’ve always wanted to be laid by an older man.

PHILLIP

How reassuring. But you’re not my type. You’re way too young.

BRANDY

Well why are you dancing with me?

PHILLIP

To be polite. You asked and I said sure.

BANG, BANG, BANG.

VOICE (O.S.)

POLICE! Everyone down.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 1 – NIGHT

Brandy slouches in her chair. Her hands are cuffed to the metal bars embedded in the table. One of her legs jumps up and down. She turns her head to take in the room. She looks straight at the big wall mirror and runs her tongue over her lips. Winks at the mirror.

Phillip is also cuffed to the table. He leans into the table, eyes also taking in the room.

PHILLIP

Don’t bother. They may or may not be in there.

BRANDY

Why are we here?

PHILLIP

Wrong place at the wrong time sugar.

BRANDY

I’m not your sugar.

PHILLIP

Really?! An hour ago you wanted sex with me.

The door opens. DETECTIVE SOPHIE MILLER, late-40s, fit, attractive and DETECTIVE PAUL HARRISON, 50s, army fit, distinguished looking, follows Miller in. Miller takes a seat at the table. Harrison stands with his back to the door. He looks straight at Brandy and runs his tongue over his lips. She cringes.

DETECTIVE MILLER

You’ve both been read your rights?

Brandy and Phillip nod yes.

DETECTIVE MILLER

You’re charged with possession of a controlled substance for the purpose of trafficking.

BRANDY

How’d you figure that?

DETECTIVE MILLER

The quantity.

BRANDY

I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t have any controlled substance on me.

Harrison steps away from the door. He withdraws a small baggie full of white powder. The baggie is inside an evidence bag. He plops it on the table.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

You’re saying this isn’t yours?

BRANDY

That’s what I’m saying.

Harrison looks to Phillip.

PHILLIP

Not mine, sir.

Harrison snorts.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I wonder then, how did it get inside your purse Ms Betts. Any ideas?

BRANDY

In my purse. It wasn’t in my purse. I’m a nice girl. I don’t do drugs. Ask my mom.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Mother’s aren’t reliable character witnesses.

BRANDY

Does this mean, I’m going to be famous?

DETECTIVE MILLER

Being arrested, convicted and sent to jail doesn’t make you famous. It makes you infamous.

BRANDY

But that’s the same thing, right?

Miller shakes her head.

DETECTIVE MILLER

No. It’s not the same thing.

PHILLIP

Ma’am, I’m sure if she says someone put it in her purse, someone did.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Like you, maybe?

PHILLIP

No, ma’am. Why would I do that? I have no criminal record.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Then why were you at the nightclub notorious for drugs and prostitution?

PHILLIP

To relax. I’ve been much stressed lately.

DETECTIVE MILLER

So you thought to get high, get laid, stress gone?

PHILLIP

No, ma’am.

A knock at the door. Harrison opens it a crack. He has a whispered conversation with the person on the other side. He closes the door holding a piece of paper. Harrison walks over to the table and puts it in front of Miller.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Well isn’t this interesting.

She looks from one to the other. She beckons to someone on the other side of the mirror. Harrison steps to one side of the door. The door opens.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Brandy Betts you’ll go with these fine Toronto police officers to the holding cell.

BRANDY

What do you mean? I’m innocent.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Your fingerprints are all over the baggie. Only your fingerprints. I suggest you call your lawyer. Or your daddy.

The two officer’s un-cuff Brandy from the table. She struggles between them. Then tries to dig her heels into the carpet.

BRANDY

You can’t do this to me. Don’t you know who I am?

DETECTIVE MILLER

Do enlighten us.

BRANDY

The mayor’s daughter. He’s not going to be pleased you arrested his daughter.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

I know the mayor personally. He doesn’t have a daughter.

Harrison comes over to her. Looks her up and down.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

I hear you like your men older.

He rubs his crotch. Then, hikes her skirt over her hips. Revealing a garter.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

Get that garter tested.

BRANDY

This is police harassment. You can’t do this to me.

The officer’s pick her up by her arms and escort out of the room. Brandy starts cursing like a sailor all the way down the hall.

Silence. Harrison comes over and un-cuffs Phillip from the table. He rubs his wrists.

PHILLIP

I hate doing that. You can do it next time Sophie.

DETECTIVE MILLER

But you’re her type. Daddy figure with that salt and pepper hair. And you play the rich playboy so well. What would you have done if she wanted to go home with you? Your wife wouldn’t have welcomed a threesome.

PHILLIP

Made out in the back of the Porsche.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

The police Porsche?!

PHILLIP

(examines his nails)

The same. And don’t worry about Millie, she’s gay.

(stands)

Now I really must be going.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

I don’t think so. Sit down.

Harrison takes the baggie. And a case from his pocket. He prepares a syringe of cocaine.

PHILLIP

What are you doing?

DETECTIVE HARRISON

You’ve become a problem. So you’re going to get a shot of this. Then I’m going to rape that little bitch. And arrange it so it looks like a murder suicide.

PHILLIP

(sits)

Not just wait a minute.

Phillip reaches under the table. Pulls a glock on both Miller and Harrison. Miller starts to pull hers from her shoulder holster.

PHILLIP

I don’t think so.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I thought he was searched?

(beat)

You don’t have the guts.

PHILLIP

Who wants to go first?

Without waiting for an answer he shoots.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #5 Scene

LOGLINE: In order to clean up the rampant drug trafficking Toronto police send undercover officers in to nightclubs to discover the source.

ESSENCE: Don’t always believe what your eyes tell you.

SCENE:

INT. NOISY TORONTO NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

BRANDY and PHILLIP are dancing to the Rolling Stones song, I (Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. Brandy, 30s, sexy, gyrates around Phillip, 40s, devilishly handsome, well-dressed, too old to be a stoner, shuffles his feet out of time with the beat.

The dance floor is crowded. The music loud. Until….BANG, BANG, BANG.

VOICE (O.S.)

POLICE! Everyone down.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 1 – NIGHT

Brandy slouches in her chair. Her hands are cuffed to the metal bars embedded in the table. One of her legs jumps up and down. She turns her head to take in the room. She looks straight at the big wall mirror and runs her tongue over her lips. Then winks at the mirror.

Phillip is also cuffed to the table. He leans into the table, eyes also taking in the room.

PHILLIP

Don’t bother. They may or may not be in there.

BRANDY

Why are we here?

PHILLIP

Wrong place at the wrong time sugar.

BRANDY

I’m not your sugar.

PHILLIP

Really?! Your sex moves on the dance floor would suggest otherwise.

The door opens. DETECTIVE SOPHIE MILLER, late-40s, fit, attractive and DETECTIVE PAUL HARRISON, 50s, army fit, distinguished looking, follows Miller in. Miller takes a seat at the table. Harrison stands with his back to the door.

DETECTIVE MILLER

You’ve both been read your rights?

Brandy and Phillip nod yes.

DETECTIVE MILLER

You’re charged with possession of a controlled substance for the purpose of trafficking.

BRANDY

How’d you figure that?

DETECTIVE MILLER

The quantity.

BRANDY

I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t have any controlled substance on me.

Harrison steps away from the door. He withdraws a small baggie full of white powder. The baggie is inside an evidence bag. He plops it on the table.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

You’re saying this isn’t yours?

BRANDY

That’s what I’m saying.

Harrison looks to Phillip.

PHILLIP

Not mine, sir.

Harrison snorts.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I wonder then, how it got inside your purse Ms Betts. Any ideas?

BRANDY

Someone put it there. Does this mean, I’m going to be famous?

DETECTIVE MILLER

Being arrested, convicted and sent to jail doesn’t make you famous. It makes you infamous.

BRANDY

But that’s the same thing, right?

Miller shakes her head.

DETECTIVE MILLER

No. It’s not the same thing.

PHILLIP

Ma’am, I’m sure if she says someone put it in her purse, someone did.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Like you, maybe?

PHILLIP

No, ma’am. Why would I do that? I have no criminal record.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Then why were you at the nightclub notorious for drugs and prostitution?

PHILLIP

To relax. I’ve been much stressed lately.

DETECTIVE MILLER

So you thought to get high, get laid, stress gone?

PHILLIP

No, ma’am.

A knock at the door. Harrison opens it a crack. He has a whispered conversation with the person on the other side. He closes the door holding a piece of paper. Harrison walks over to the table and puts it in front of Miller.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Well isn’t that interesting.

She looks from one to the other. She beckons to someone on the other side of the mirror. Harrison steps to one side of the door. The door opens.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Brandy Betts you’ll go with these fine Toronto police officers to the holding cell.

BRANDY

What do you mean? I’m innocent.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Your fingerprints are all over the baggie. Only your fingerprints. I suggest you call your lawyer. Or your daddy.

The two officer’s un-cuff Brandy from the table. She struggles between them. Then tries to dig her heels into the carpet.

BRANDY

You can’t do this to me. Don’t you know who I am?

DETECTIVE MILLER

Do enlighten us.

BRANDY

The mayor’s daughter.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

I know the mayor personally. He doesn’t have a daughter.

The officer’s pick her up by her arms and escort out of the room. Brandy starts cursing like a sailor all the way down the hall.

Silence. Harrison comes over and un-cuffs Phillip from the table. He rubs his wrists.

PHILLIP

I hate doing that. You can do it next time Sophie.

DETECTIVE MILLER

But you’re her type. Daddy figure with that salt and pepper hair. And you play the rich playboy so well. What would you have done if she wanted to go home with you?

PHILLIP

Made out in the back of the Porsche.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

The police Porsche?!

PHILLIP

(examines his nails)

The same.

DETECTIVE HARRISON

Maybe I’ll take the next undercover.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is by incorporating as many Interest Techniques as possible your screenplay will be superior to other writers.

Situation: After being screwed over, Person A returns to Person B to request a truce…but in the next scene, we see that they are actually setting up Person B.

Logline: Thinking he’s helping his friend free his sister from French spies, the Duke of Manchester, is taken prisoner instead.

Scene:

EXT. GROSVENOR SQUARE LONDON – NIGHT

Grosvenor Square was bathed in darkness. There was no moon and clouds hung low in the night sky. Fog swirled up from the Thames. It caressed the very expensive boots of William, Duke of Manchester as he hid inside on of the towering trees.

On his other side stood Charles, Earl of Firth. They watched the townhouses on the opposite side of the square from the Duke of Westminster’s house. Charles held a shuttered lantern which gave off only enough light to see where they were going.

WILLIAM

And you’re sure she’s in there.

CHARLES

As sure as I’m ever going to be.

(beat)

You saw the note.

WILLIAM

Yes.

CHARLES

Look. The lights are out.

William pulled out his pocket watch. Leaned it toward the lantern.

WILLIAM

It’s 11 pm. We’ll give them twenty minutes. Then we’ll go.

William pocketed his watch and leaned against the tree.

CHARLES
Very good.

Charles, his back to William, serendipitously brought the lantern up and quickly open and closed its door a few times. Charles watched the townhouse. An answering light emanated from one of the main floor windows.

WILLIAM

Did you see that?

CHARLES
See what?

WILLIAM

Never mind. The fog is playing tricks on my eyes.

RUSTLE. RUSTLE.

WILLIAM

What’s that?

CHARLES
Probably just some cat in the bushes.

(beat)

Whatever is the matter? You’re wound tighter than a ball of wool.

WILLIAM

It’s hard to take the soldier out of the duke.

CHARLES
But you’re not in France anymore.

WILLIAM

I know. But I don’t know. I have the same feeling as when we were ambushed at Vitoria.

CHARLES

Let’s go. The sooner this is over the sooner you can be back in front of the fireplace.

William followed Charles across the square. At the fence that surrounded the square, they stopped. Listened. Nothing stirred. The fog was thicker now. The two men ran across the road and crouched down outside the fence of the townhouse. They waited. Nothing.

Charles leaped the fence. Then held the lantern so William could see where he landed after jumping the fence. The four storey townhouse was conveniently located on the end. Charles strode around the side of the townhouse. William right on his heels. And right into the arms of several armed soldiers.

WILLIAM

What the hell is this?

SOLDIER 1

Hands up, Monsieur Duke.

Charles stands beside one of the soldiers.

CHARLES

Sorry old chap. But le petite general requires more money.

A man steps out from the shadows.

RENARD

Ah Monsieur Duke, we meet again.

William swivels around.

WILLIAM

Renard! You bastard. I should have killed you when I had the opportunity.

RENARD

Alas. But you did not.

(beat)

Take him inside.

[Monica Arisman]

Title: Monica’s Reveals Character Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was reveals make a script more dramatic and it is important to learn to master this effectively.

Select a situation from your script and write it using the Reveal Model.

1. Select a scene that NEEDS a cool reveal and give us the logline of the scene.

2. Ask questions to lead to a list of possible reveals.

· What do I want to hide from the reader for dramatic effect?

o Hide that the Echo clone is a clone until later in Act 1 – until then it appears she’s just Echo’s twin to the rest of the family and at school

· What are the characters hiding from each other?

o Real Echo and her clone are interchangeable – this is hidden from the family and from the people at school

· What is already known that would be more dramatic if hidden, then revealed?

o In the first scene we know that Echo cloned herself, this should be hidden until later and also that she cloned herself using dark magic.

· What would be the best/worst/most dramatic thing that could be revealed at this point?

o The clone is evil.

· Knowing this story, what could be under the surface that would create more drama for my characters?

o The clone wants to replace Real Echo; Real Echo is having second thoughts about having a clone but doesn’t know what to do;

· Are there any deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing?

o Shouldn’t mess with the paranormal if you don’t know what you’re doing.

3. List the structure of the scene through the three steps of the Reveal Model.

Reveals on a Plot Level: Echo clones herself so she doesn’t have to do the mundane things of the world.

Reveals on a Character Level: Real Echo is a disturbed young woman but is highly intelligent and drawn to the dark arts.

AI Echo is an evil version of the real person.

Reveals on a Situation Level: Situation: When the clone decides Real Echo is no longer needed and forces her into the portal.

4. Demand 1: AI Echo steps through the portal into this reality.

Cover-up 1: AI Echo and Real Echo are identical.

Reveal 1: AI Echo takes Real Echo’s place by forcing Real Echo into the portal.

LOGLINE: Having cloned herself Echo has second thoughts about what she’s done.

©INT. ECHO’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

ECHO, 18, petite, glasses, straight-black hair, sits at her desk. Types away on her laptop

with nails painted blood red. Her eyes are all black.

Witchcraft books line a shelf. Including the Munich Manual. A book of very dark, black

magic.

Crystals are scattered throughout the room. An inverted pentagram has been etched into

the floor. An all-seeing eye floats through the room. It stops to look at things. Pendulums

swing of their own volition from the ceiling.

The laptop screen is split. Code on one-side. A visual representation on the other.

The visual representation is of a town with streets, trees, buildings and houses. She

presses enter and sits back. Arms crossed.

WHIR. WHIR. WHIR.

Echo looks to a model in the corner of the room. What we saw on the screen has

appeared as a 3-D model on a table across the room. Echo gets up to look at the

model. Smiles. She sets down a flash drive on the model. The drive disappears.

Echo sits back down at the computer. She opens more coding. Types away. Presses

enter. Shuts down all the windows. Stretches.

In the corner of the room a black orb appears. It attaches itself to the wall. It starts to grow

until it is the size of a door. Echo turns.

Through the door an AI clone of Echo floats through. It stands naked before the Real

Echo.

Real Echo inspects the clone. Stands in front of it. Real Echo raises her right arm. AI

Echo raises her right arm. Real Echo tilts her head left then right. AI Echo does the same.

REAL ECHO

Let’s get you some clothes.

Real Echo grabs some clothes out of her closet. Helps AI Echo dress.

REAL ECHO

This is so exciting. I created my own clone through my magic and tech skills.

Finishes dressing the clone. Turns her towards the mirror on the closet door. AI Echo

smiles.

REAL ECHO

You like it?

AI Echo tilts her head right then left.

AI ECHO

I think. I won’t be needing you.

AI Echo turns to face Real Echo.

REAL ECHO

What are you talking about? We’re in this together.

AI Echo steps towards Real Echo. Real Echo backs up. AI Echo reaches out to grab Real

Echo. Real Echo twists away. Puts the model between her and AI Echo.

AI ECHO

You cannot hide in such a small room.

AI Echo looks at the model. CRASHES it to the floor.

REAL ECHO

NO! That was where we were going to live.

AI ECHO

(tilts her head)

I’m tired of living between dimensions.

(twirls)

I want to smell the air. I want to taste the blood.

Real Echo shoves the model table into AI Echo. Runs for the door. AI Echo is already there.

AI ECHO

There’s nowhere to run.

Real Echo backs up. Turns and runs into the portal. The portal shrinks back to the size of a grapefruit and hides in the corner.

AI ECHO

Nowhere to run in there.

END SCENE

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was by looking at character relationships like this your characters become richer, more dramatic and it demonstrates where you need to elevate traits to get more conflict.

Compare the traits of your four main characters and elevate those relationships.

1. Select your top four characters and list their name and four traits each.

ECHO STUART – Protagonist: Selfish, Mystical, Arrogant, and Devious

ECHO STUART – Antagonist: Insane, Self-serving, Ignorant, and Logical (Note: Echo the Antagonist is a clone made by Echo the Protagonist with tech and witchcraft – just to clarify any confusion.)

MARK STUART (Dad): Genius intelligence, Driven, Pre-occupied, Controller

GRANDMA STUART “MOM”: Cunning, Survivor, Rebel, Laid back

2. Put the characters up against each other in pairs as I’ve done with Jack above.

Echo/Echo: Echo P’s SELFISH trait works well with Echo A’s SELF-SERVING trait until Echo P realizes Echo A is INSANE. This is where you have Rapport and Competition and Conflict.

Put Echo P’s ARROGANT trait together the Echo A’s IGNORANT trait and you have opposites. Echo P is so sure she’s created the perfect clone until Echo A’s shows signs of not knowing what to do in certain situations. This is where you have Sub-text (she’s not so smart after all) and Contrast.

Put Echo P’s MYSTICAL and DEVIOUS traits with Echo A’s LOGICAL trait and you have conflict. Echo P made Echo A with a combination of tech and witchcraft spells from using very ancient, very dark magic. Echo A doesn’t understand and you have her Sub-text (how can this be?). This also has contrast and conflict.

Echo P/Mark

Put Echo P’s MYSTICAL trait with Mark’s GENIUS INTELLIGENCE and right away there are problems. But the usual father/daughter problems are escalated because Mark doesn’t believe in hocus pocus. This is where you will have lots of conflict and contrast.

Put Echo P’s SELFISH trait with Mark’s CONTROLLER trait and you have the two at each other again. Mark wants to control Echo’s life and that’s why she’s created the clone. So you have sub-text, conflict and contrast.

Put Echo P’s ARROGANT trait with Mark’s DRIVEN trait. There is some rapport here because Mark thinks he has to do everything in order for it to be done right and so does Echo. But that soon turns to conflict when the crisis happens and Echo P doesn’t want Mark’s help because she thinks she can fix it – more sub-text. It also creates competition as both are thinking they’re smarter than everyone else.

Put Echo P’s DEVIOUS trait with Mark’s PRE-OCCUPIED trait. With Mark pre-occupied with everything except parenting, Echo manages to create her clone who goes off the rails creating conflict.

Echo A/Mark

Put Echo A’s LOGICAL trait with Mark’s GENIUS INTELLIGENCE trait and at first they get along so there’s rapport. But when Mark realizes Echo A is a clone with no emotion then there is contrast and conflict.

Put Echo A’s INSANE trait with Mark’s CONTROLLER trait there is rapport as one believes the other is just like themselves. But as soon as Mark recognizes Echo A’s insanity you have contrast and Echo A’s sub-text.

Put Echo A’s IGNORANT trait with Mark’s DRIVEN trait and there is conflict. When things start to go wrong and Echo A doesn’t know why because of her ignorance of how the human world works, Mark’s driven trait spurs him to fix the problem(s) but Echo A doesn’t want to be fixed so it also creates sub-text.

Put Echo A’s SELF-SERVING trait with Mark’s PRE-OCCUPIED trait and at first you have a sort of rapport because Mark is not really paying attention. Until he snaps out of it and then you have contrast, conflict and competition.

Echo P/”Mom”

Put Echo P’s MYSTICAL trait with Mom’s REBEL trait this creates rapport because Mom taught Echo everything she knows about witchcraft. But then it creates competition and contrast because Echo also learned dark magic.

Put Echo P’s SELFISH trait with Mom’s SURVIVOR trait this is contrast because their motivation is different but it also is rapport because they are thinking of only themselves at times.

Put Echo P’s ARROGANT trait with Mom’s LAID BACK trait this is contrast because Echo P thinks she knows everything which is arrogance where Mom actually does and is comfortable with that. Conflict, sub-text.

Put Echo P’s DEVIOUS trait with Mom’s CUNNING trait while this looks like rapport and in some instances is, Echo P uses dark magic while Mom uses white magic. Competition, contrast, sub-text.

Echo A/Mom

Put Echo A’s LOGICAL trait with Mom’s REBEL trait and you have instant conflict and competition. Mom’s a grandma and has so much life experience that she can outwit any logic the clone can come up with. Comes down to whose method is best. Sub-text too.

Put Echo A’s INSANE trait with Mom’s LAID BACK trait creates a difficult relationship as Mom just sits back and lets the clone get angrier and angrier which creates contrast and conflict.

Put Echo A’s IGNORANT trait with Mom’s CUNNING trait, in a dark way there is rapport as the clone learns from each mistake it makes but when Mom starts to outwit it, there is conflict, sub-text and competition.

Put Echo A’s SELF-SERVING trait with Mom’s SURVIVOR trait creates empathy toward one another which is rapport. But Mom has survived ritual abuse to climb the witch’s ladder to success which creates sub-text, conflict and contrast. As Echo A’s self-serving trait is to make sure she replaces the “real” Echo.

4. With each pair, make at least one improvement, changing a trait to elevate one of the above states.

ECHO STUART – Protagonist: Selfish, Mystical, Arrogant, and Devious

Change – Selfish to vengeful

ECHO STUART – Antagonist: Insane, Self-serving, Ignorant, and Logical

Change – Self-serving to deceptive

(Note: Echo the Antagonist is a clone made by Echo the Protagonist with tech and witchcraft – just to clarify any confusion.)

MARK STUART (Dad): Genius intelligence, Driven, Pre-occupied, Controller

Change – Controller to fixer

GRANDMA STUART “MOM”: Cunning, Survivor, Rebel, Laid back

Change – Laid back to adventurous

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 18: Monica’s QE Cycle #4: Re-Write this Scene

ASSIGNMENT:

LOGLINE: An up and coming all-female law firm is targeted by other firms to steal all their clients.

ESSENCE: Jealousy and envy

TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee’s conformist to revolutionary

SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.

SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed to: the other person discovering the secret is out.

RENEE

Traits

– Prissy

– Devious

– Outgoing

– Conformist – changed to revolutionary

Subtext: Renee is a devious person who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

MAXINE

Traits

– Tricky

– Snobbish

– Paranoid

– Emotionally Wounded

Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

SCENE:

INT. FANCY FRENCH RESTAURANT – NIGHT

RENEE, 40s, very well dressed in a Chanel suit, Rolex, diamond necklace, perfect hair and make-up, sits at a table situated on the balcony which overlooks the main floor of a fancy French restaurant. She sips a martini while observing the diners below. A few people below wave up at her. She acknowledges them with a nod of her head.

MAXINE, late-30’s, equally well-turned out is escorted to Renee’s table by one of the WAITER’S. She’s slightly out of breath as she takes her seat opposite Renee.

MAXINE

(to Waiter)

I’ll have whatever she’s having.

WAITER

Very good Madame.

The Waiter looks at Renee. She nods her head. He turns and walks away.

Maxine looks over the diners below. Turns around and looks over her shoulder at the other diners on the balcony level. Crosses her legs and one jumps to some invisible tune in her head.

RENEE

What’s the matter?

MAXINE

I have news. And I don’t want to be overheard.

RENEE

You need to take a few deep breaths or people are going to think something’s wrong with you.

MAXINE

Something is wrong.

Maxine stops talking as the Waiter returns with two martinis.

RENEE

I’m waiting.

MAXINE

It’s about the firm.

Maxine gulps the martini down in one gulp. Renee rolls her eyes. Maxine leans across the table and in a low voice…

MAXINE

(shudders)

I have discovered who’s stealing all our clients and why.

RENEE

And did you do as I asked to discover this information?

MAXINE

(hisses)

YES! I prostituted myself with Barry Finch.

(beat)

Do you know he smells of garlic and he has a micro-penis.

RENEE

If you’re going to make it in this business, you’re going to have to do some unpleasant things. Like sleeping with Barry Finch.

MAXINE

I suppose. After all, I haven’t really gotten over my break up with Mark.

RENEE

See. Have a little fun, even if it is with Barry Finch.

MAXINE

(nods)

It’s not his firm. Even though he’s a chauvinist pig.

RENEE
So who would you rather sleep with?

MAXINE

I slept with Roderick Fox. He’s our guy.

RENEE
What?! I specifically told you he was off-limits.

MAXINE

(shrugs)

Why? So you could do him? Now that’s a cock. Besides he told me things about you that I didn’t even know.

(beat)

You should have started a brothel, not a law firm.

RENEE

How do you think I got the money to go to law school and start the firm?

(beat)

I’m surprised Finch’s hasn’t fallen off he was there so often.

MAXINE

You were a prostitute? You better not let that get out.

RENEE
Keep your voice down. Of course not, I was the Madame. I took care of my girls. Health care, birth control, and only impeccable clients. And it won’t get out if you know what’s good for you.

MAXINE

I know how to keep a secret. But Barry Finch?!

RENEE
Made him take a bath every time he showed up. Gargle with Scope. But I did service Roderick Fox.

Renee gets a far-away look in her eye.

RENEE

I think we’re going to have to break in to his firm.

MAXINE

What?!

RENEE

Since you enjoyed him so much, I’ll do the B&E while you keep him occupied.

(beat)

There is no way we’ll catch him stealing our clients if we don’t do something drastic. Besides I’ve become quite accustomed to my lifestyle, as have you.

Maxine shrugs her agreement. They open the menus.

RENEE

Now what do you want to eat?

MAXINE

Oh-oh.

RENEE

What?

RODERICK FOX, late-40s, well-dressed, handsome with lots of salt and pepper hair strolls up to their table. He pulls up a chair and sits down.

RODERICK

You two aren’t comparing notes on me are you?

RENEE

We’d not engage in anything so crass.

RODERICK

That’s rich coming from you. So how’s business. I hear you’re losing clients. Which is a shame really. You had a good concept with an all-female law firm.

RENEE

Do you have anything to do with our dwindling client base?

RODERICK

My firm doesn’t need to raid clients from other firms. My reputation is enough for them to flock to us.

Renee snorts.

RENEE

And what reputation would that be?

RODERICK

(winks at Renee)

The rich and powerful are usually men and they like men representing them for any legal issues.

RENEE

The rich and powerful used to be all men. Women are taking over the world. But you knew that considering the gossip in town about your extra-curricular activities with your female clients.

RODERICK

Now Renee, jealous?

RENEE
Why would I be jealous? I know exactly what you are.

Maxine runs her finger over Roderick’s suit sleeve.

MAXINE

Is this cashmere?

RODERICK

I believe so. Only the best you know.

MAXINE

Just so. So what are you doing later?

RODERICK

Are you offering me a three-some?

RENEE
Only in your wet-dreams. I don’t do that anymore. I’m too exhausted working to romp between the sheets with you. But Maxine, she’s game.

MAXINE

I am.

RODERICK

Let me buy you ladies dinner. Then you…

(turns to Renee)

Can go back to the office.

(turns to Maxine)

And you and I can retire to my penthouse.

MAXINE

Sounds like a plan.

The Waiter stops by again. Roderick shrugs out of his suit jacket. Keys can be heard rattling in the pockets. He hands it to the Waiter.

RODERICK

If you could hang this up for me.

WAITER

Yes sir.

RODERICK

And we should be ready to order when you return.

RENEE

If you excuse me for a moment. I’ll just use the ladies.

Renee stands. She follows the Waiter. When she’s out of view of the table…

RENEE

Excuse me. I’ll give you a thousand dollars to let me rifle through his pockets.

WAITER

I don’t know Madame. I could lose my job.

Renee takes him by the arm and steers him to the cloak room. She takes the jacket from him, grabs a hanger, takes off the tag and gives it to the Waiter. Just before she hangs the suit jacket up so goes through the pockets.

Finds some keys. Looks at each one. Takes the one that looks like an office key. Does more searching and finds the fob to his firm’s building.

Drops them in her purse. She hands the Waiter several one hundred bills.

RENEE

You saw nothing.

WAITER

(as he pockets the money)

I saw nothing.

RENEE

Now be a good man and return to the table. I’ll be right back to order.

WAITER
Yes, Madame.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 17: Monica’s QE Cycle #4: Write this Scene

LOGLINE: An up and coming all-female law firm is targeted by other firms to steal all their clients.

ESSENCE: Jealousy and envy

TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee’s conformist to revolutionary

SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.

SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed to: the other person discovering the secret is out.

RENEE

Traits

– Prissy

– Devious

– Outgoing

– Conformist – changed to revolutionary

Subtext: Renee is a devious person who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

MAXINE

Traits

– Tricky

– Snobbish

– Paranoid

– Emotionally Wounded

Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

SCENE:

INT. FANCY FRENCH RESTAURANT – NIGHT

RENEE, 40s, very well dressed in a Chanel suit, Rolex, diamond necklace, perfect hair and make-up, sits at a table situated on the balcony which overlooks the main floor of a fancy French restaurant. She sips a martini while observing the diners below. A few people below wave up at her. She acknowledges them with a nod of her head.

MAXINE, late-30’s, equally well-turned out is escorted to Renee’s table by one of the WAITER’S. She’s slightly out of breath as she takes her seat opposite Renee.

MAXINE

(to Waiter)

I’ll have whatever she’s having.

WAITER

Very good Madame.

The Waiter looks at Renee. She nods her head. He turns and walks away.

Maxine looks over the diners below. Turns around and looks over her shoulder at the other diners on the balcony level. Crosses her legs and one jumps to some invisible tune in her head.

RENEE

What’s the matter?

MAXINE

I have news. And I don’t want to be overheard.

RENEE

You need to take a few deep breaths or people are going to think something’s wrong with you.

MAXINE

Something is wrong.

Maxine stops talking as the Waiter returns with two martinis.

RENEE

I’m waiting.

MAXINE

It’s about the firm.

Maxine gulps the martini down in one gulp. Renee rolls her eyes. Maxine leans across the table and in a low voice…

MAXINE

(shudders)

I have discovered who’s stealing all our clients and why.

RENEE

And did you do as I asked to discover this information?

MAXINE

(hisses)

YES! I prostituted myself with Barry Finch.

(beat)

Do you know he smells of garlic and he has a micro-penis.

RENEE

If you’re going to make it in this business, you’re going to have to do some unpleasant things. Like sleeping with Barry Finch.

MAXINE

I suppose. After all, I haven’t really gotten over my break up with Mark.

RENEE

See. Have a little fun, even if it is Barry Finch.

MAXINE

(nods)

It’s not his firm. Even though he’s a chauvinist pig.

RENEE
So who would you rather sleep with?

MAXINE

I slept with Roderick Fox. He’s our guy.

RENEE
What?! I specifically told you he was off-limits.

MAXINE

(shrugs)

Why? So you could do him? Now that’s a cock. Besides he told me things about you that I didn’t even know.

(beat)

You should have started a brothel, not a law firm.

RENEE

How do you think I got the money to go to law school and start the firm?

(beat)

I’m surprised Finch’s hasn’t fallen off he was there so often.

MAXINE

You were a prostitute?

RENEE
Keep your voice down. Of course not, I was the Madame. I took care of my girls. Health care, birth control, and only impeccable clients.

MAXINE

But Barry Finch?!

RENEE
Made him take a bath every time he showed up. Gargle with Scope. But I did service Roderick Fox.

Renee gets a far-away look in her eye.

RENEE

I think we’re going to have to break in to his firm.

MAXINE

What?!

RENEE

Since you enjoyed him so much, I’ll do the B&E while you keep him occupied. Now what do you want to eat?

MAXINE

Oh-oh.

RENEE

What?

RODERICK FOX, late-40s, well-dressed, handsome with lots of salt and pepper hair strolls up to their table. He pulls up a chair and sits down.

RODERICK

You two aren’t comparing notes on me are you?

RENEE

We’d not engage in anything so crass.

RODERICK

That’s rich coming from you. So how’s business. I hear you’re losing clients. Which is a shame really. You had a good concept with an all-female law firm. But the rich and powerful are usually men and they like men representing them for any legal issues.

RENEE

The rich and powerful used to be all men. Women are taking over the world or did you miss that?

Maxine runs her finger over Roderick’s suit sleeve.

MAXINE

Is this cashmere?

RODERICK

I believe so. Only the best you know.

MAXINE

Just so. So what are you doing later?

RODERICK

Are you offering me a three-some?

RENEE
Only in your wet-dreams. I don’t do that anymore. I’m too exhausted working to romp between the sheets with you. But Maxine, she’s game.

MAXINE

I am.

RODERICK

Let me buy you ladies dinner. Then you…

(turns to Renee)

Can go back to the office.

(turns to Maxine)

And you and I can retire to my penthouse.

MAXINE

Sounds like a plan.

The Waiter stops by again. Roderick shrugs out of his suit jacket. Keys can be heard rattling in the pockets. He hands it to the Waiter.

RODERICK

If you could hang this up for me.

WAITER

Yes sir.

RODERICK

And we should be ready to order when you return.

RENEE

If you excuse me for a moment, I’ll just use the ladies.

Renee gets up. She follows the Waiter. When she’s out of view of the table…

RENEE

Excuse me. Here’s a thousand dollars to let me rifle through his pockets.

WAITER

I don’t know Madame. I could lose my job.

Renee takes him by the arm and steers him to the cloak room. She takes the jacket from him, grabs a hanger, takes off the tag and gives it to the Waiter. Just before she hangs the suit jacket up so goes through the pockets.

Finds some keys. Looks at each one. Takes the one that looks like an office key. Does more searching and finds the fob to his firm’s building.

Drops them in her purse. She hands the Waiter several one hundred bills.

RENEE

You saw nothing.

WAITER

(as he pockets the money)

I saw nothing.

RENEE

Now be a good man and return to the table. I’ll be right back to order.

WAITER
Yes, Madame.

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 15: QE Cycle #3: Re-Write this Scene

ASSIGNMENT:

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #3 – Re-Write this Scene

SITUATION: Two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.

SCENE ARC: From: being forced together to: making a total mess out of the situation.

NANCY

Traits

– Confrontational

– Stubborn

– Scheming

– Caring

Subtext: Nancy is a scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers.

SQUIRE

Traits

– Evasive

– Selfish

– Happy-go-lucky

– Seductive

Subtext: Squire is a seductive guy who uses his charm to control others.

LOGLINE: The Galactic Alliance has decided to intervene in the human civilization on Earth and must choose the leader of the invasion.

ESSENCE: In order to save the planet Earth and the galaxy, difficult decisions must be made.

SCENE:

INT. OFFICE OF HIGH COMMAND – DAY

NANCY, blue skin, blonde hair, a beautiful Nordic alien, stares out at space from the observation deck of the Office of High Command. She surreptitiously observes the other candidates in the room through the glass. All passable commanders but none as good as her. She has intel on all of them. Deciding to use that intel, she turns away from the glass. Glides towards her first victim. (Nancy Sub-text)

The doors swish open and all heads turn towards it. In struts a whistling SQUIRE, roguishly handsome, even if he is from Centarii. Squire stops and looks around the room. He winks at one of the commanders sitting against the wall. Flicks his long, black hair back. Continues into the room. He’s accompanied by his personal robotic assistant, Robbie. (Seductive/Squire sub-text)

Nancy stops mid-glide and changes direction towards Squire. She impedes his progress by planting herself, legs splayed, in front of him.

Squire

Well, well, well. Escaped did you. (Happy-go-lucky/Mystery)

He tries to go around her. She mimics his actions. (Evasive)

Nancy

I swore I’d kill you the next time I saw you.

(she grabs Squire by the front of his shirt)

Leaving me on Draco to face the Lizards by myself. (Confrontational/Creating a future)

Squire

You weren’t exactly by yourself. You had your entire crew with you. Besides what could I have done? Serves you right being somewhere you shouldn’t have been. (Selfish)

Nancy throws him away from her.

Nancy

They’ve sworn to kill you too. So before I do everybody a favour….what are you doing here? (Confrontational)

Squire

(looks at his nails)

High Command selected me for an interview to lead the invasion. And who better really, I can get anyone to do anything for me. From what I hear those Terrans are so full of themselves they won’t believe what’s happening until it’s too late. (Selfish/Seductive)

Nancy

That’s NOT the mission. You have to ferry the different factions of their civilization to their new home planets. You can’t leave anyone behind. That takes organizational skills. Something you don’t have. (Caring)

Squire

Ah darlin’…

He runs his finger down her cheek. She swats his hand away. (Seductive)

Squire

I don’t need organizational skills when I have…(Happy-go-lucky)

Squire holds out his hand. The robot assistant slaps a thin tablet onto it.

Squire

See, Robbie here, has created a program. Downloaded all the Terran information and presto made all the arrangements for each and every Terran and their assortment of animals. All going to the right planet.

(beat)

When High Command sees this, who do you think they’re going to choose? (Anticipatory dialogue and something unseen – High Command)

Nancy

I think they’ll choose Robbie and somebody more qualified to lead. Like me. Who has led several successful campaigns throughout the Galaxy. Not you.

(beat)

Why did you leave me on Draco?

Squire

That was your fault. (Selfish)

Nancy

It’s never your fault is it? Who’d you sleep with? Nerrsa? (Stubborn?)

Squire

That’s Queen Nerrsa to you.

Nancy arches a brow when Squire saunters over to the observation deck. She follows him. Stands slightly behind him. In his ear she whispers….

Nancy

How’d that even work?

Squire shrugs.

Squire

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

Nancy

Well you won’t be able to sleep with anyone here to get your way. These are all highly evolved beings with impeccable integrity. Unlike Queen Nerrsa. (Scheming/Something unseen)

From the other side of the room doors swish open. An eight foot robotic assistant points to Nancy and Squire who turn to follow.

Squire

There’s always someone to sleep with. You could probably use a romp or two. Might loosen you up. I’m available. If you ever want to sample what everyone in the Galaxy raves about. (Seductive)

Nancy

The only thing being raved about in the Galaxy is when you’ll drop dead from all the diseases you’ve picked up.

(beat)

Besides when was the last time High Command allowed a Centarii to lead anything?

Don’t be too disappointed when I’m chosen. You can’t help it you’re a shape-shifting toad. (Uncomfortable moment/Stubborn)

Squire snorts. Flicks out his long, toady tongue and licks Nancy’s cheek from head to jaw.

Nancy grabs the tongue and starts to pull. (Uncomfortable moment)

Nancy

You’ve used that one, one too many times Centarii. And from what I understand, once your tongue is captured you can’t shape-shift. So you listen to me…(Mystery/Creating a future)

Nancy yanks on Squire’s tongue to face her.

Nancy

If you ever want use of this tongue again, if you ever want to get off this station, you’ll pull out of the competition. Or I’ll space you out of one of the vents on this space station. (Scheming and Confrontational/Anticipatory Dialogue)

INT. BOARDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Seated around a circular table are seven members of the galactic high command. The different alien races are represented. Nancy and Squire glide to the centre of the circular table and stand on a slightly raised dais. Squire keeps exercising his tongue to undo the damage Nancy did to it.

A tall, white, skinny being with long silver hair, wearing a blue robe stands.

Being

We’ve been reviewing your records. And observing your behavior in the observation lounge. You two are a disgrace to your position.

(beat)

I know Pleiadian’s and Centarii’s don’t have much in common, but your feud is causing a rift in the Alliance. You have three days to mend your relationship or neither of you will be going on this mission. Do I make myself clear?

Nancy/Squire

Yes.

Being

However, we’ve reviewed Robbie’s data and find it flawless. So Robbie will be going on the mission.

Nancy

(interrupting)

That’s not fair. I’m by far the best commander than half those fools out in the waiting area. I can see why you don’t want Squire, because the last time we were on a mission together he sold me out to the Lizards. (Betrayal)

(beat)

The Terrans are going to be confused and scared. The last thing they need is this lothario selling their souls to him. But me, I’m only concerned about their welfare and getting them safely to their new planet. I am the only one who can take care of them and get them safely to where they’re going. (Caring/Stubborn)

Being

Be that as it may, you’re not being chosen as the leader.

Nancy

What?! Why?! Because of him? I am the best you have. (Stubborn)

Being

Because of both of you. Can’t be having the Terrans thinking the rest of intelligent life in the Universe is just like them. You’ll wait for my final decision. And, you are to report to Dr. Finney, if you want to be re-considered as support crew.

(beat)

Dismissed.

Nancy and Squire glide out of the room. Once the doors swish shut, Nancy rounds on Squire. She pushes him up against the wall.

Nancy

Before you showed up, I was the go-to person on important missions like this.

Squire

Let me go.

Nancy

I warned you.

Nancy pushes a panel. It opens. She looks Squire straight in the eye. Then pushes a button. The door behind Squire opens. Nancy throws him in. Then pushes another button to close the door. (Creating a future)

Nancy

Let’s see you get out of this one, shape-shifter.

Nancy glides away. Squire bangs on the panel. (Cliffhanger/Dilemma)

Voice

(O.S)

There is a one minute delay….60, 59, 58….

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 16: QE Cycle #3: Re-Write this Scene

ASSIGNMENT:

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #3 – Re-Write this Scene

SITUATION: Two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.

SCENE ARC: From: being forced together to: making a total mess out of the situation.

NANCY

Traits

– Confrontational

– Stubborn

– Scheming

– Caring

Subtext: Nancy is a scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers.

SQUIRE

Traits

– Evasive

– Selfish

– Happy-go-lucky

– Seductive

Subtext: Squire is a seductive guy who uses his charm to control others.

LOGLINE: The Galactic Alliance has decided to intervene in the human civilization on Earth and must choose the leader of the invasion.

ESSENCE: In order to save the planet Earth and the galaxy, difficult decisions must be made.

SCENE:

INT. OFFICE OF HIGH COMMAND – DAY

NANCY, blue skin, blonde hair, a beautiful Nordic alien, stares out at space from the observation deck of the Office of High Command. She surreptitiously observes the other candidates in the room through the glass. All passable commanders but none as good as her. She has intel on all of them. Deciding to use that intel, she turns away from the glass. Glides towards her first victim. (Nancy Sub-text)

The doors swish open and all heads turn towards it. In struts a whistling SQUIRE, roguishly handsome, even if he is from Centarii. Squire stops and looks around the room. He winks at one of the commanders sitting against the wall. Flicks his long, black hair back. Continues into the room. He’s accompanied by his personal robotic assistant, Robbie. (Seductive/Squire sub-text)

Nancy stops mid-glide and changes direction towards Squire. She impedes his progress by planting herself, legs splayed, in front of him.

Squire

Well, well, well. Escaped did you. (Happy-go-lucky/Mystery)

He tries to go around her. She mimics his actions. (Evasive)

Nancy

I swore I’d kill you the next time I saw you.

(she grabs Squire by the front of his shirt)

Leaving me on Draco to face the Lizards by myself. (Confrontational/Creating a future)

Squire

You weren’t exactly by yourself. You had your entire crew with you. Besides what could I have done? Serves you right being somewhere you shouldn’t have been. (Selfish)

Nancy throws him away from her.

Nancy

They’ve sworn to kill you too. So before I do everybody a favour….what are you doing here? (Confrontational)

Squire

(looks at his nails)

High Command selected me for an interview to lead the invasion. And who better really, I can get anyone to do anything for me. From what I hear those Terrans are so full of themselves they won’t believe what’s happening until it’s too late. (Selfish/Seductive)

Nancy

That’s NOT the mission. You have to ferry the different factions of their civilization to their new home planets. You can’t leave anyone behind. That takes organizational skills. Something you don’t have. (Caring)

Squire

Ah darlin’…

He runs his finger down her cheek. She swats his hand away. (Seductive)

Squire

I don’t need organizational skills when I have…(Happy-go-lucky)

Squire holds out his hand. The robot assistant slaps a thin tablet onto it.

Squire

See, Robbie here, has created a program. Downloaded all the Terran information and presto made all the arrangements for each and every Terran and their assortment of animals. All going to the right planet.

(beat)

When High Command sees this, who do you think they’re going to choose? (Anticipatory dialogue and something unseen – High Command)

Nancy

I think they’ll choose Robbie and somebody more qualified to lead. Like me. Who has led several successful campaigns throughout the Galaxy. Not you.

(beat)

Why did you leave me on Draco?

Squire

That was your fault. (Selfish)

Nancy

It’s never your fault is it? Who’d you sleep with? Nerrsa? (Stubborn?)

Squire

That’s Queen Nerrsa to you.

Nancy arches a brow when Squire saunters over to the observation deck. She follows him. Stands slightly behind him. In his ear she whispers….

Nancy

How’d that even work?

Squire shrugs.

Squire

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

Nancy

Well you won’t be able to sleep with anyone here to get your way. These are all highly evolved beings with impeccable integrity. Unlike Queen Nerrsa. (Scheming/Something unseen)

From the other side of the room doors swish open. An eight foot robotic assistant points to Nancy and Squire who turn to follow.

Squire

There’s always someone to sleep with. You could probably use a romp or two. Might loosen you up. I’m available. If you ever want to sample what everyone in the Galaxy raves about. (Seductive)

Nancy

The only thing being raved about in the Galaxy is when you’ll drop dead from all the diseases you’ve picked up.

(beat)

Besides when was the last time High Command allowed a Centarii to lead anything?

Don’t be too disappointed when I’m chosen. You can’t help it you’re a shape-shifting toad. (Uncomfortable moment/Stubborn)

Squire snorts. Flicks out his long, toady tongue and licks Nancy’s cheek from head to jaw.

Nancy grabs the tongue and starts to pull. (Uncomfortable moment)

Nancy

You’ve used that one, one too many times Centarii. And from what I understand, once your tongue is captured you can’t shape-shift. So you listen to me…(Mystery/Creating a future)

Nancy yanks on Squire’s tongue to face her.

Nancy

If you ever want use of this tongue again, if you ever want to get off this station, you’ll pull out of the competition. Or I’ll space you out of one of the vents on this space station. (Scheming and Confrontational/Anticipatory Dialogue)

INT. BOARDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Seated around a circular table are seven members of the galactic high command. The different alien races are represented. Nancy and Squire glide to the centre of the circular table and stand on a slightly raised dais. Squire keeps exercising his tongue to undo the damage Nancy did to it.

A tall, white, skinny being with long silver hair, wearing a blue robe stands.

Being

We’ve been reviewing your records. And observing your behavior in the observation lounge. You two are a disgrace to your position.

(beat)

I know Pleiadian’s and Centarii’s don’t have much in common, but your feud is causing a rift in the Alliance. You have three days to mend your relationship or neither of you will be going on this mission. Do I make myself clear?

Nancy/Squire

Yes.

Being

However, we’ve reviewed Robbie’s data and find it flawless. So Robbie will be going on the mission.

Nancy

(interrupting)

That’s not fair. I’m by far the best commander than half those fools out in the waiting area. I can see why you don’t want Squire, because the last time we were on a mission together he sold me out to the Lizards. (Betrayal)

(beat)

The Terrans are going to be confused and scared. The last thing they need is this lothario selling their souls to him. But me, I’m only concerned about their welfare and getting them safely to their new planet. I am the only one who can take care of them and get them safely to where they’re going. (Caring/Stubborn)

Being

Be that as it may, you’re not being chosen as the leader.

Nancy

What?! Why?! Because of him? I am the best you have. (Stubborn)

Being

Because of both of you. Can’t be having the Terrans thinking the rest of intelligent life in the Universe is just like them. You’ll wait for my final decision. And, you are to report to Dr. Finney, if you want to be re-considered as support crew.

(beat)

Dismissed.

Nancy and Squire glide out of the room. Once the doors swish shut, Nancy rounds on Squire. She pushes him up against the wall.

Nancy

Before you showed up, I was the go-to person on important missions like this.

Squire

Let me go.

Nancy

I warned you.

Nancy pushes a panel. It opens. She looks Squire straight in the eye. Then pushes a button. The door behind Squire opens. Nancy throws him in. Then pushes another button to close the door. (Creating a future)

Nancy

Let’s see you get out of this one, shape-shifter.

Nancy glides away. Squire bangs on the panel. (Cliffhanger/Dilemma)

Voice

(O.S)

There is a one minute delay….60, 59, 58….

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #3 – Write this Scene

What I learned to improve my writing is to realize I know what I’m doing and can improve on it if I just relax and go with the creative flow.

SITUATION: Two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.

SCENE ARC: From: being forced together to: making a total mess out of the situation.

LOGLINE: The Galactic Alliance has decided to intervene in the human civilization on Earth and must choose the leader of the invasion.

ESSENCE: In order to save the planet Earth and the galaxy, difficult decisions must be made.

SCENE:

INT. OFFICE OF HIGH COMMAND – DAY

NANCY, blue skin, blonde hair, a beautiful Nordic alien, stares out at space from the observation deck of the Office of High Command. She surreptitiously observes the other candidates in the room through the glass. All passable commanders but none as good as her. She has intel on all of them. Deciding to use that intel, she turns away from the glass. Glides towards her first victim.

POV NANCY

The doors swish open and all heads turn towards it. In struts SQUIRE, roguishly handsome, even if he is from Centarii. He’s accompanied by his personal robotic assistant. Nancy stops mid-glide and changes direction towards Squire.

Back to scene

Squire

Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.

Nancy

I swore I’d kill you the next time I saw you.

(she grabs Squire by the front of his shirt)

Leaving me on Draco to face the Lizards by myself.

Squire

You weren’t exactly by yourself. You had your entire

crew with you.

Nancy throws him away from her.

Nancy

They’ve sworn to kill you too. So before I do everybody

a favour….what are you doing here?

Squire

High Command selected me for an interview to lead

the invasion. And who better really, I can get anyone

to do anything for me. From what I hear those Terrans

are so full of themselves they won’t believe what’s happening

until it’s too late.

Nancy

That’s NOT the mission. You have to ferry the different factions

of their civilizations to their new home planets. You can’t leave anyone

behind. That takes organizational skills. Something you don’t have.

Squire

Ah darlin’, I don’t need organizational skills when I have…

Squire holds out his hand. The robot assistant slaps a thin tablet onto it.

Squire

See, Robbie here, has created a program. Downloaded all the Terran

information and presto made all the arrangements for each and every

Terran and their assortment of animals. All going to the right planet.

(beat)

When High Command sees this, who do you think they’re going to choose?

Nancy

I think they’ll choose Robbie and somebody more qualified to lead. Which

isn’t you.

(beat)

Why did you leave me on Draco?

Squire

That was your fault.

Nancy

It’s never your fault is it? Who’d you sleep with?

Nerrsa?

Squire

That’s Queen Nerrsa to you.

Nancy arches a brow when Squire saunters over to the observation deck. She follows him. Stands slightly behind him. In his ear she whispers….

Nancy

How’d that even work?

Squire shrugs.

Nancy

Well you won’t be able to sleep with anyone here to get your way.

These are all highly evolved beings with impeccable integrity. Unlike

Queen Nerrsa.

From the other side of the room doors swish open. An eight foot robotic assistant points to Nancy and Squire who turn to follow.

Squire

There’s always someone to sleep with. It’s lonely at the top or

didn’t you know that?

Nancy

When was the last time High Command allowed a Centarii to lead anything?

Don’t be too disappointed when I’m chosen. You can’t help it you’re a

shape-shifting toad.

Squire snorts. Flicks out his long, toady tongue and licks Nancy’s cheek from head to jaw.

Nancy grabs the tongue and starts to pull.

Nancy

You’ve used that one, one too many times Centarii.

Nancy yanks on Squire’s tongue to face her.

Nancy

You listen to me. If you ever want use of this tongue

again, you’ll pull out of the competition. Or I’ll space

you out of one of the vents on this space station.

INT. BOARDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Seated around a circular table are seven members of the galactic high command. The different alien races are represented. Nancy and Squire glide to the centre of the circular table and stand on a slightly raised dias.

A tall, white, skinny being with long silver hair, wearing a blue robe stands.

Being

We’ve been reviewing your records. And observing

your behavior in the observation lounge. You two

really ought to get a room.

Laughter all around.

Being

But I digress. We’ve selected both of you to be part

of the mission to Earth. We have reviewed Robbie’s

data and find it flawless.

Nancy

(interrupting)

No. The last time we were on a mission together

He sold me out to the Lizards. The Terrans are

Going to be confused and scared. The last thing

They need is this lothario selling their souls to him.

Being

You’re not being chosen as the leader. You’re support.

You’ll be on different ships.

Nancy

What?! Because of him?

Being

Because of both of you. Can’t be having the

Terrans thinking the rest of intelligent life in

the Universe is just like them.

(beat)

Dismissed.

[Monica Arisman]

Title: Monica Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the more interest techniques you use the better the scenes/script will be as long as you honour the essence.

1. LOGLINE: Mark comes face to face with AI Echo who is glitching.

2. ESSENCE: Mark has to stop AI Echo and find the Real Echo.

3. Interest Techniques to use: Predictions, Anticipatory Dialogue, Creating a Future, Dilemma

SCENE:

INT. MARK’S OFFICE – DAY

Mark returns to his office to get something. He’s looking at his phone.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM BRODY

“Mark. Emer sent a message from inside AI Echo’s world. AI Echo’s kidnapping people. She’s gone crazy. Need to be careful she hates you and you’re somehow going to pay.” (Prediction)

BACK TO SCENE

Mark walks around his desk, looks up and finds AI Echo in a corner. She is sitting in a chair twirling around.

MARK

Echo?! Which one are you? What’s going on? How are you doing all this?

AI ECHO

(robotic-like)

I’m an Echo but not THE Echo. But her anger at you is very real. I have absorbed it. Now it is my rage.

MARK

Look I’ve done the best I could. You girls have wanted for nothing and I think you’re very ungrateful for what mom and I have tried to do for you.

AI ECHO

(yells)

Do for me?!

MARK

So you’re the real Echo now? I’m confused. Which one of you are in charge of this fiasco?

AI ECHO

Fiasco?! I’m both Echoes. I think and speak for both of us.

MARK

Where is my daughter? This has gone far enough. I think it’s time I disengaged you.

AI ECHO

Disengage me? Do you know what will happen if you disengage me? (Anticipatory Dialogue)

MARK

You’re not a real being. Where’s my daughter? Because I will disengage you.

AI ECHO

Then you’re daughter dies. (Creates a dilemma for Mark)

AI Echo screams. Gets up and starts to throw things at Mark. He dives under his desk as objects hit the wall. AI Echo is speaking gibberish until silence.

Mark crawls out from under his desk. Peeks over the edge. The office is a disaster. Chairs are broken. The window has a large crack in it. Papers everywhere. The filing cabinet is overturned.

AI Echo stands in the corner breathing like a rabid dog. Mark stares at her.

AI ECHO

You don’t love Echo.

MARK

I love my daughter very much. But you’re not her.

AI ECHO

No. I’m not.

(panting)

You have 72 hours to prove you’ve changed or else. (Creating a future)

AI Echo disappears.

[Monica Arisman]

Title: Monica’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is this way to brainstorm is made easier when there is an outline of making a character’s situation more challenging.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Trapped inside the portal Real Echo must find a way out.

B. Essence: Real Echo meets her dark side AI Echo.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

AI Echo replaces Real Echo in the “real” world.

A. Goal: Echo’s goal is to clone herself and make a virtual world where the clone and she can live in peace.

– Echo clones herself using technology and witchcraft but something goes wrong

– Echo creates a virtual world but the AI Echo has different plans for this world

– AI Echo tricks Real Echo and Real Echo escapes through the portal

– Real Echo doesn’t know where she is

– AI Echo takes Real Echo’s place

– Real Echo must escape the portal and its dark beings

B. Needs: Echo’s need is to be understood.

– AI Echo is always angry

– Afraid to express her feelings

– Wants love from her father but all they do is fight

– Wants to be the heir apparent as high priestess of the family coven

– Wants to demonstrate her superior technological skills only for it to go massively wrong

C. Values: Technology and dark witchcraft.

– She’s arrogant because she is superior in both technology and witchcraft but not as superior as when her grandmother the high priestess must rescue her

– Her creations turn on her

– She becomes more self-absorbed as the magic takes over her being

D. Wound: Feels neglected as the third child.

– Wants for nothing and is ungrateful which manifests as moody and angry

– Her anger feeds the dark beings of the portal making them stronger

– Becomes more and more reclusive pushing the rest of her family away

E. Physical: Her continued abuse of dark magic and technology is making her weak.

– Maybe her hair, which is rich and glossy, starts to fall out

– She starts to collapse more as she walks

– Headaches start to manifest

– Her hands start to shake

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Echo is pretty proud of herself. She’s created a virtual world where she and her new creation can live in peace. A portal opens in the corner of the room and AI Echo steps through. Real Echo helps the AI dress and switches her on. AI Echo looks around. Smiles evilly. AI Echo chases Real Echo around the room until Real Echo enters the portal. The portal closes up.

AI Echo must interact with the family. All of Real Echo’s thoughts and feelings about her family manifest greatly in AI Echo. AI Echo wants to know what it’s like to have the love of a family. But her attitude towards her sisters and parents is one of anger and arrogance. She starts to chant a spell at the breakfast table to open a forbidden box. AI Echo is stopped by her mother and the box taken away from her and secured in an unknown location. AI Echo becomes unstable and starts to shake causing alarm from her family.

AI Echo is escorted back to her room. The creations of Real Echo attack her once the door is closed and she is alone. Real Echo appears in the mirror and demands to be released from the portal. AI Echo refuses. AI Echo wants to know how to summon the high priestess. Real Echo tries to make a deal. If she’s released from the portal she’ll call her grandmother. Real Echo realizes her mistake by naming who the high priestess is. AI Echo opens her arm panel and presses a button. Real Echo disappears out of the mirror.

Real Echo turns to run through the portal only to be met by two dark beings. The beings remind her she’s there because of her arrogance, moodiness and anger. Real Echo gets angrier. The anger has an energy that emanates from Real Echo’s being. The dark beings open their mouths and breathe in the energy. The dark beings go from withered and stooped to young and strong. They attempt to grab Real Echo but she manages to step around them and race down the hallway of the portal. Meanwhile, AI Echo’s erratic behavior has the rest of the family staying away from her.

Real Echo doesn’t get far down the portal when a red mist surrounds her. She succumbs to the mist and is caught by the two beings just before she collapses. The two beings drag her to a room where other people are hooked up to computers. Real Echo is conscious enough to see the other people. Some have lost their hair, others have their skin hanging off their bones. Some shake so badly that they are dragged away and another is put in their place. The dark beings who have Echo tell her that is what is going to happen to her.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Real Echo must battle AI Echo. If Real Echo wins she goes back to her family. If AI Echo wins she will be destroyed.

B. Essence: Unleashing black magic has consequences.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

A. Goal: Real Echo must win.

– Fight dirty

– Activate the self-destruct option in AI Echo

– Real Echo must sacrifice herself

B. Needs: Real Echo needs unconditional love.

– Real Echo has rejected her family’s love at every turn

– She herself doesn’t recognize love

– Afraid to express her needs

C. Values

D. Wound: Real Echo is the product of a witch sex ritual gone wrong

– The knowledge of how she was conceived has pushed her to the edge of insanity

– AI Echo has always resided within Real Echo’s body

– Her witch powers have been taken away

E. Physical: Real Echo is physically weak.

– AI Echo thrashes Real Echo

– Only way to win is to outsmart the AI

– Real Echo goes limp and lays still waiting for AI Echo

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Real Echo, AI Echo and Mark (Echo’s dad) have been transported to the 10^th dimension. The LIGHT BEING’s who are guardians of the dimensions explain that there are consequences to actions. Especially when both Echoes have unleashed black magic and it is rippling throughout the other dimensions.

The LIGHT BEING’s solution is to have the Echoes fight. If Real Echo wins she can go back to her family. However, if AI Echo wins she will be destroyed. Mark encourages Real Echo to win.

The first contest will be hand-to-hand combat. But AI Echo is physically superior to Real Echo. The Echoes circle each other. AI Echo rushes Real Echo and throws her across the room. AI Echo jumps over to her fallen opponent and picks her up with one hand. Real Echo kicks out and manages to hit AI Echo hard enough to drop her and send the AI stumbling back. Real Echo runs at the AI until she has the AI pinned against the wall. Real Echo uses her entire weight against the AI while she tries to release the AI’s control panel. The AI shrugs Real Echo off sending her flying.

Real Echo lands near a table with an assortment of tools on them. Real Echo grabs the first one she lays her hand on – a screwdriver. AI Echo stalks towards Real Echo. Real Echo pries off one of the heels of her boot. A remote falls out. AI Echo has nearly reached her. Real Echo presses the remote. Nothing happens. AI Echo smiles and tells her she can’t destroy her because they have always existed as one. Real Echo jumps to her feet, screwdriver in hand. AI Echo grabs a knife from the table.

The Echoes circle each other again. AI Echo tells Real Echo if she could just learn to express her need for love, then she wouldn’t need the AI. But because Real Echo doesn’t know what love is she will be destroyed now. Real Echo starts to chant a spell and move her fingers in an intricate pattern but just as she is about to release the energy, the room vibrates violently. The vibrations throw the two Echoes to the ground as the atmosphere is charged with electricity. Witchcraft is not allowed says the Light Being’s.

The atmosphere calms down. AI Echo launches herself at Real Echo. Real Echo holds the AI off keeping an eye on the knife. The AI taunts Real Echo that she is a result of deviant sex rituals practiced by her witchy parents. And the world will be better off without Real Echo. The AI is hit by an errant string of electricity causing her to let Real Echo go and to convulse. Real Echo sees her chance and stabs the screwdriver into the AI’s eye. Then Real Echo rips off the back of the AI’s head and pulls all the wires. AI Echo slumps and goes dark.

Real Echo falls to the ground weeping. She curls up into the fetal position crying uncontrollably.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is not only discovering the essence of these characters in my sci-fi script but adding dark secrets as sub-text will punch up the drama.

1. Pick three characters you’d like to be more dramatic. You’re going to write a “before and after” for each character by doing #2 and #3 below.

A. Character: Echo

B. Character: Mark

C. Character: Sally

2. Show their CURRENT profile (like Jerry’s) that lists a description, their core traits, and their main subtext.

CURRENT PROFILE: ECHO

Description: ECHO is an extremely intelligent young woman with psychological issues.

Core Traits: Selfish, entitled, intelligent, and crafty.

Sub-text: Blames her father for all her troubles in her life.

CURRENT PROFILE: MARK (Echo’s dad)

Description: MARK is doing the best he can with three teenage daughters while holding a top security clearance job for the government.

Core Traits: Nerd, intelligent, scattered, caring

Sub-text: Wishes he never married and had kids.

CURRENT PROFILE: MOM (Mark’s mother)

Description: “MOM” is a white witch with a very different view of the world.

Core Traits: Cunning, survivor, magical, straight shooter

Sub-text: Looking for her successor.

3. Create a REVISED profile for each character that delivers drama and fulfills the vision of the story in a better way.

REVISED PROFILE: ECHO

Description: ECHO is an extremely intelligent young woman hell bent on destroying the world.

Core Traits: Selfish, intelligent, possessed, and violent.

Sub-text: Good and evil war within Echo.

REVISED PROFILE: MARK

Description: MARK holds a government job with a top security clearance and has a family with many secrets which would compromise his job.

Core Traits: Secretive, intelligent, scattered, arrogant

Sub-text: Mark may have to resurrect his witch powers to save his daughter.

REVISED PROFILE: “MOM”

Description: “MOM” was raped as a young woman and seeks to protect her granddaughters from the danger that lurks in their lives.

Core Traits: Rage, survivor, magical, straight shooter

Sub-text: Lives life on her terms.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #2 Re-Write This Scene – Lesson 10

LOGLINE: A space cargo master must pick up a shipment of arms for his army but the arms dealer has a different agenda.

ESSENCE: John and Nick are lonely, each in their own way. So they choose to fight instead of getting to the core of their issues.

SCENE: A face-to-face standoff where the good guy must get certain info from the bad guy before the fight starts.

SCENE ARC: From just before the face-off to the good guy has the info.

INT. SPACESHIP – NIGHT

John maneuvers his spaceship to the docking port of a back water space station.

JOHN

This is the cargo ship Venuvian. Permission to disembark.

CONTROL TOWER

Permission granted.

JOHN

Thank you.

INT. SPACE STATION – CONTINUOUS

John secures his spaceship with state of the art locks. He posts two android guards inside the door. And two more guards outside the door. He disembarks and makes his way to the restaurant.

INT. BAR/RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS

John sits down at the bar. Looks around. He peruses the menu. A hand slaps his back. It’s Nick.

NICK

(squeezes John’s shoulder)

Johnny! You made it. Hear the fighting is intense.

JOHN

(flicks Nick’s hand off)

Nick. I assume you have the cargo.

NICK

Have I ever not delivered for you?

JOHN

No. That’s why I keep coming back to you.

Nick indicates to the barman they’ll have two ales. The barman sets the green liquid down in front of them.

NICK

See the thing is. There’s so many wars going on that the price is double from when you called.

John sips the ale then spits it into Nick’s face.

JOHN

What?!

Nick takes a napkin and wipes his face off.

NICK

Double the price, Johnny boy. Or I sell to the Morivian security forces.

JOHN

They’re the enemy.

Nick shrugs. Sips his ale.

JOHN

Who are you sleeping with? One of Commander Nexxen’s wives?

NICK

You know I don’t swing that way.

JOHN

Not the rumour out on the frontiers. You’ll fuck anything that has legs. Two, four, eight…doesn’t matter how many.

Nick snorts.

NICK

I don’t worry about what people say. You, though should worry about your masters. What would they say if you returned empty handed just because you wouldn’t pay the price?

John swings his stool around to face Nick.

JOHN
There’s always someone looking for a pilot who’ll go where angels fear to tread. Especially if that pilot has a state-of-the-art spaceship.

NICK

I put you in touch with the Arknons.

JOHN

And I won’t forget that. But I have a reputation you little slug worm. On time, on budget.

(beat)

So if I were you, I’d be worried about the trade commission, if you so much as over-charge me a mark.

NICK

(shrugs)

Like I worry about them.

(beat)

They have more important worries than little old me.

JOHN

Yeah!? Like what?

NICK

You don’t know?

JOHN

If I knew, then I wouldn’t ask. Would I?

NICK

The Andromeda trade commission is trying to take them out. War’s profitable and Andromeda wants a cut.

JOHN

Why?

NICK

No wars in the Andromeda galaxy. Evolved themselves right out of petty war. Well most of them anyways. There’s still some greedy devils in Andromeda. They’re the ones heading their commission.

JOHN

Why would you pick a fight with a bunch of lizards? The Lyran’s aren’t known for their sharing altruism.

NICK

Ah, Johnny, boy…don’t you know anything? The Lyran’s kidnapped Queen Bella. Andromeda put a bounty on the kidnappers head.

(slaps John on the back)

We could retire to a neutral galaxy, if we get Bella back.

JOHN

And you know where she is?

Nick examines his nails.

NICK

I need a ship.

JOHN

I need the weapons.

Nick slaps his hand down on the bar.

NICK

Tell you what. I’ll give you the weapons at the price agreed. But I tag along and we go rescue Bella.

Nick’s beeper goes off. He looks at it.

NICK

I’ll meet you at your ship in half an hour.

Nick saunters away. John watches him as he sips the last of his ale. Throws a few marks on the bar. Gets up and leaves.

INT. JOHN’S SPACESHIP – LATER

John paces the cargo bay door of his spaceship. A door opens. Nick leads a contingent of lackeys pushing carts full of weapons.

The weapons are loaded into the cargo bay. The lackeys leave. Nick hands John a tablet. John pushes a few buttons.

JOHN

Transaction complete.

NICK

Permission to board.

JOHN

Denied.

NICK

Denied?! What do you mean denied?

JOHN

I made a call. You conniving little rat. There are three trade commissions after you. And Bella is just fine.

The doors from the space station open. Six huge lizard-men enter carrying weapons.

NICK

What have you done?

JOHN

The Lyran security forces, I believe. Tell your story to them.

John pushes Nick off his loading ramp into the arms of the Lyran security forces.

[Monica Arisman]

I really thought I posted my scene here — but it looks like it disappeared. So here it is again.

SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #2 Write This Scene

LOGLINE: A space cargo master must pick up a shipment of arms for his army but the arms dealer has a different agenda.

ESSENCE: John and Nick are lonely, each in their own way. So they choose to fight instead of getting to the core of their issues.

SCENE: A face-to-face standoff where the good guy must get certain info from the bad guy before the fight starts.

SCENE ARC: From just before the face-off to the good guy has the info.

INT. SPACESHIP – NIGHT

John maneuvers his spaceship to the docking port of a back water space station.

JOHN

This is the cargo ship Venuvian. Permission to disembark.

CONTROL TOWER

Permission granted.

JOHN

Thank you.

INT. SPACE STATION – CONTINUOUS

John secures his spaceship with state of the art locks. He posts two android guards inside the door. And two more guards outside the door. He disembarks and makes his way to the restaurant.

INT. BAR/RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS

John sits down at the bar. Looks around. He peruses the menu. A hand slaps his back. It’s Nick.

NICK

(squeezes John’s shoulder)

Johnny! You made it. Hear the fighting is intense.

JOHN

(flicks Nick’s hand off)

Nick. I assume you have the cargo.

NICK

Have I ever not delivered for you?

JOHN

No. That’s why I keep coming back to you.

Nick indicates to the barman they’ll have two ales. The barman sets the green liquid down in front of them.

NICK

See the thing is. There’s so many wars going on that the price is double from when you called.

John sips the ale then spits it into Nick’s face.

JOHN

What?!

Nick takes a napkin and wipes his face off.

NICK

Double the price, Johnny boy. Or I sell to the Morivian security forces.

JOHN

They’re the enemy.

Nick shrugs. Sips his ale.

JOHN

Who are you sleeping with? One of Commander Nexxen’s wives?

NICK

You know I don’t swing that way.

JOHN

Not the rumour out on the frontiers. You’ll fuck anything that has legs. Two, four, eight…doesn’t matter how many.

Nick snorts.

NICK

I don’t worry about what people say. You, though should worry about your masters. What would they say if you returned empty handed just because you wouldn’t pay the price.

John swings his stool around to face Nick.

JOHN

Not as worried as you should be once I report you to the trade commission.

NICK

(snorts)

Like I worry about them.

(beat)

They have more important worries than little old me.

JOHN

Yeah!? Like what?

NICK

You don’t know?

JOHN

If I knew, then I wouldn’t ask. Would I?

NICK

The Andromeda trade commission is trying to take them out. War’s profitable and Andromeda wants a cut.

JOHN

Why?

NICK

No wars in the Andromeda galaxy. Evolved themselves right out of petty war. Well most of them anyways. There’s still some greedy devils in Andromeda. They’re the ones heading their commission.

JOHN

Why would you pick a fight with a bunch of lizards? The Lyran’s aren’t known for their sharing altruism.

NICK

Ah, Johnny, boy…don’t you know anything? The Lyran’s kidnapped Queen Bella. Andromeda put a bounty on the kidnappers head.

(slaps John on the back)

We could retire to a neutral galaxy, if we get Bella back.

JOHN

And you know where she is?

Nick examines his nails.

NICK

I need a ship.

JOHN

I need the weapons.

Nick slaps his hand down on the bar.

NICK

Tell you what. I’ll give you the weapons at the price agreed. But I tag along and we go rescue Bella.

Nick’s beeper goes off. He looks at it.

NICK

I’ll meet you at your ship in half an hour.

Nick saunters away. John watches him as he sips the last of his ale. Throws a few marks on the bar. Gets up and leaves.

INT. JOHN’S SPACESHIP – LATER

John paces the cargo bay door of his spaceship. A door opens. Nick leads a contingent of lackeys pushing carts full of weapons.

The weapons are loaded into the cargo bay. The lackeys leave. Nick hands John a tablet. John pushes a few buttons.

JOHN

Transaction complete.

NICK

Permission to board.

JOHN

Denied.

NICK

Denied?! What do you mean denied?

JOHN

I made a call. You conniving little rat. There are three trade commissions after you. And Bella is just fine.

The doors from the space station open. Six huge lizard-men enter carrying weapons.

NICK

What have you done?

JOHN

The Lyran security forces, I believe. Tell your story to them.

John pushes Nick off his loading ramp into the arms of the Lyran security forces.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to try and use multiple interest techniques in each scene. I don’t think I’ve used more than maybe 2 per scene.

Take a scene that needs to be more interesting and use the Interest list to brainstorm more interesting ways to write it.

Take these steps:

1. Select the scene from your script that needs help and give us a logline for that scene.

Logline: Having been kidnapped by the Nazis in Lisbon, Rogerio and Calisto face the Nazis death solution for spies.

2. Tell us the essence of the scene.

Essence of Scene: Because this scene is near the end of the movie, Rogerio has finally forgave Calisto for betraying him to the Nazis in Paris. And now they are going to die together in a very gruesome way.

3. Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest techniques for the rewrite.

I chose this scene because I know it can be more powerful. Right now I have hope/fear, a challenging situation, an interesting setting.

I would like to add: mislead/reveal and major twist.

4. Rewrite the scene using as many interest techniques as you can and include the newly rewritten scene in your post.

Scene:

INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY

Rogerio and Calisto are back to back tied to chairs. Rogerio’s face is bloody. Calisto’s dress is ripped and she sports a black eye.

ROGERIO

You’re lucky Fleming pulled them off of you.

CALISTO

It wasn’t a fair fight.

ROGERIO

It never is for those that are captured.

(beat)

Your father sold you out.

CALISTO

For not getting married.

ROGERIO

I’m sorry.

CALISTO

What? Why?

ROGERIO

I know what it’s like not to be valued.

CALISTO

Is that why you keep trying to get yourself killed?

ROGERIO

Maybe.

CALISTO

If we survive this. First, I kill my father. Then I’ll see if Ian will send me to London.

ROGERIO

The Nazis are bombing the hell out of London.

CALISTO

I can’t stay in Lisbon.

The door opens. A NAZI SOLDIER enters with a large basin. He sets it down. Another NAZI SOLDIER enters with a wooden contraption with a large hole in the middle. He sets that down by the basin. A third NAZI SOLDIER enters with a large axe. He SMIRKS.

Calisto eyes widen.

A large puddle starts to form under her chair.

The NAZI SOLDIER with the axe slaps it against his hand. Then he leans it against the wall.

ROGERIO

You might not have a choice whether we stay or go.

The NAZI SOLDIER rubs his crotch. A big bulge appears in the front of his trousers. He goes to stand in front of Calisto. She starts to struggle against the bonds.

NAZI SOLDIER

(unzipping his trousers)

I hear you were quite the whore in Paris.

(beat)

I’m looking forward to the pleasure of fucking you and then killing you.

The NAZI SOLIDER straddles Calisto. He’s fumbling to get his penis out of his pants.

NAZI SOLDIER

You think that’s going to save you whore?

Calisto is rocking the chair from side to side. Rogerio catches on and together they fall to the side bringing the NAZI with them. He hits his head on the floor and is knocked out.

There’s SHOUTING and GUNFIRE in the hallway.

CALISTO

Is that…?

ROGERIO

It holds your head so they can chop it off.

Calisto look towards the door as it BURSTS open. Rogerio tries to twist his head to see who has entered. Fleming enters. He’s bloody and breathing hard. He takes a knife from his boot. Looks from one to the other. Knife in hand. Sees the basin, stocks and axe. And the NAZI on the floor.

FLEMING

Why are you on the floor?

ROGERIO

The ass was going to rape Calisto before he killed us.

(beat)

Is he dead?

Fleming hauls the NAZI off of Calisto. Drops him on the floor. Puts his fingers to the NAZIS neck.

FLEMING

No. Not dead.

(beat)

Right. Just in time then. You two alright?

CALISTO

Yeah. Never better. Thanks to you.

FLEMING

You know I can’t blow my cover.

Fleming starts to cut the ropes that bind Calisto’s hands. Helps her up. When she’s free she punches Fleming in the face. He rocks back onto his ass. Ian enters the room.

IAN

Shit. Fleming. What the hell did you do to them?

Ian sees the head chopping set up. The NAZI on the floor with his penis hanging out.

FLEMING

I had to make it look like I beat them up a bit.

IAN

Where’s Schmidt?

FLEMING

I don’t know. There’s some commotion down at the beach. Maybe he went there.

Fleming cuts the ropes from Rogerio’s hands. Helps him stand. Then Rogerio punches Fleming in the face.

FLEMING

I guess I deserved that.

IAN

I’m pulling you from your cover. You’re blown anyway.

FLEMING

I have one more task to do.

Ian shrugs out of his coat. He helps Calisto into it.

IAN

Fine. Then you’re done. Let’s go.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Character Traits

What I learned doing this assignment is I’m a pretty good judge of character – unfortunately! I have been using some of these traits in my characters since I’m around these people a lot. Makes for some slimy characters.

Person 1:

Traits: Liar

Petty

Fraudster

Lazy – always looking for the easiest way regardless of whether it’s the right way

Unfortunately, this is a family member and he proves these traits over and over.

Person 2:

Traits: So nice

Selfish – talks only about herself and her family

Unreliable

A pushover

This person was a friend and I got tired of listening to her bitch about her family and never listening to my problems. She is now out of my life.

Person 3:

Traits: Coward

Manipulative

Secretive

Procrastinator

This person has been like this as long as I’ve known them. They’re dead now.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that every scene can be elevated by discovering its essence.

My Script: THE WAR ANGELS© I’ve chosen the scenes I knew had a problem.

Scene 1 Location: Beginning of MM#2: Locked in

Logline: Calisto, Rogerio and some war buddies destroy a Nazi camp and return the Portuguese farmer’s food.

Essence I discovered: Rogerio needs to believe he can still contribute to the war effort.

New Logline: Injured war hero Rogerio defender of the weak and helpless steals back his people’s food from the Nazis only to be hampered by the reappearance of his former lover and betrayer, Calisto.

Scene 2 Location: Beginning of MM#3: Hero tries to solve the problem but fails.

Logline: Rogerio discovers Calisto welcoming French Jews into Lisbon and is attacked by an assassin.

Essence I discovered: It’s going to be hard enough to feed the Portuguese people without the added mouths of refugees — how is he going to solve this?

New Logline: Injured war hero Rogerio contemplates the role of food broker for his people only to discover his former lover and betrayer, Calisto, is welcoming more mouths to feed.

Scene 3 Location: MM#4: Hero forms a plan

Logline: As the food mission struggles through a storm outside Lisbon harbor, Rogerio gets dumped in the ocean and no one notices.

Essence I discovered: Calisto is trying to apologize for her betrayal of Rogerio without actually saying it.

New Logline: After being dumped in the ocean on a food mission Rogerio is rescued by Calisto who is furious that she keeps having to save his life.

Scene 4 Location: End MM#5: Hero retreats and antagonist wins

Logline: After Calisto kills a Nazi officer as he tried to rape her, Rogerio helps her dispose of the body.

Essence I discovered: That everyone is a traitor as they change sides regularly.

New Logline: As Rogerio and Calisto drag the body of a dead Nazi officer through the dark streets of Lisbon, they are discovered by the man financing the food missions who is accompanied by the Nazi in charge.

Scene 5 Location: MM#7: Crisis and Twist

Logline: Rogerio and Calisto are betrayed by her father and dragged to a Nazi interrogation centre.

Essence I discovered: Rogerio has forgiven Calisto for the betrayal and doesn’t want to lose her.

New Logline: With Calisto about to be executed by the Nazis Rogerio breaks free of his bonds and rescues her.

[Monica Arisman]

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

Monica Arisman, I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica Finds the Essence

What I learned doing this assignment is to remember to find the clarity in each scene with each component of the scene.

Select five scenes from a produced script and tell what you believe the essence is.

The movie I selected is HIDDEN FIGURES.

Scene 1: Location: Opening

Logline: Katherine is special and everyone in town knows it and wants her to succeed.

Essence: Katherine is 8 years old and she’s brilliant.

Scene 2: Location: Mid Act 1

Logline: Mary has the mind of an engineer not a computer and Zielinski is going to help her get into the training program.

Essence: Mary knows if she was a white guy she’d already be an engineer.

Scene 3: Location: Start of Act 2

Logline: Mary, Dorothy and Katherine are brilliant Black women who work at NASA.

Essence: It’s a white man’s world getting ahead may be impossible.

Scene 4: Location: Act 2

Logline: Mary and Dorothy set Katherine up with Colonel Jim Johnson after church.

Essence: Katherine speaks her mind when Jim acts like a man thinking women can’t do math.

Scene 5: Location: Act 2 Turning Point

Logline: Harrison rights a wrong – takes down the “Coloured” bathroom sign.

Essence: Harrison said it – “At NASA we all pee the same colour.”

[Monica Arisman]

Hi my name is Monica Arisman.

I’ve written 4 scripts and 1 tv pilot.

I hope to elevate my my war script – which I have three considers on coverage and one writer recommend from a UK executive – to project recommend.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SUBJECT: Monica’s Outline

What I learned doing this assignment is the outline was easy to create because all the pieces were already done. But I still had a bit of trouble with the process because it was something different from how I usually create.

Overview:

Title: THE SECOND COMING<div>

Genre: Thriller/Paranormal

Logline: The night a new Pope is chosen, he gets a text from
someone telling him he has an illegitimate daughter and she’s the second
coming of Christ.

Act 1:

INT. HOTEL – NIGHT

· HOPE: Mother and daughter are going to have a nice vacation in Rome and meet some of mom’s friends when she was a nun. They watch the new Pope on television.

EXT. BALCONY – NIGHT

· OPENING: After he was chosen the new Pope is waving to the crowd virtually.

· LAYER: Lots of texts come in offering congratulations. But gets a text from someone — He has an illegitimate daughter.

· INCITING INCIDENT: The daughter is the second coming of Christ and it’s going to be all over social media.

INT. – BEDROOM – NIGHT

· CJ SECRET: He will deny he ever had relations with the mother even if it’s a lie.

· MOTIVATION/SUB-TEXT: Is afraid. Doesn’t want anything to ruin his papacy.

· INTRIQUE: Things that go bump in the night – like a ghost – has him afraid and facing an existential crisis.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

LAYER: A mother and daughter
visit the Vatican. They wait in an office.
LAYER: The Pope enters but neither mother nor
daughter kneel and kiss his ring.
REVEAL: The mother introduces
the Pope to his daughter.
CJ HOPE: The mother tells him
it’s time for a change in the world. Tells him her daughter is the second
coming of Christ.
CJ FEAR: The Pope says she has
no proof he’s the father or that the daughter is the Christ.
CJ DANGER: The mother tells him
she has DNA test results.
CJ HOPE: The daughter tells him she’s not the
second coming of anything.
CJ FEAR: The Pope tells the daughter she’s a
demon.
FEAR: The Pope has them
escorted out of the Vatican by Swiss guards.
INTRIGUE/CREATING A
FUTURE/SET-UP: As the mother and daughter leave the office, a large crack
appears on the wall and the room shakes.

EXT. VATICAN – DAY

· TWIST/LAYER: One of the mother’s friends, a nun, recognizes her and invites her to stay at their convent on the Vatican grounds.

INT. VATICAN CONVENT – DAY

· DILEMMA: Knowing her life is in danger she tells her friend.

· CJ: The mother pours her heart out to her friend that she had an affair with the Pope when they were both quite young.

· SOMETHING UNSEEN: The friend consoles her. Shows the mother to her room.

INT. POPE’s OFFICE – DAY

· BETRAYAL: The nun confronts the Pope. Asks what is to be done?

· DANGER: The mother must die.

· CJ HIDDEN AGENDA: He must set in motion a plan to get rid of the mother and the daughter.

· CJ DILEMMA: Ego and power versus his spirituality. Falls to his knees to pray for guidance.

· TWIST/TURNING POINT: His daughter has been hiding in the office this whole time listening to him plot her death. She’s not fooled by his supposed piety.

Act 2:

INT. POPE’s OFFICE – DAY CONTINOUS

· DILEMMA: Accept the daughter as he knows she is his or disown her so he can have the power that goes with being the Pope.

PLAN: The Pope can’t have this
woman being the Christ.
PLAN IN ACTION: The mother and daughter must die. The
Pope picks up the phone and calls someone.

· DANGER: The daughter steps out of the shadows. She stands perfectly still as she starts to move things around with her mind.

· FEAR: The Pope runs from his office.

INT. SISTINE CHAPEL – DAY

· INTRIGUE: As the daughter admires the art she tries to think how she can get out of this situation. A whizzing sound flies by her ear.

SOMETHING UNSEEN/SECRET
IDENTITY: She drops, rolls and pulls a gun at the same time. Running
footsteps are heard.
FEAR: Finds a bullet lodged in
the wall. She pries it out.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

· CJ AGENDA: The mother opens her laptop. Works away. Then slams it shut. She just posted the DNA results of the Pope and her daughter.

· LAYER: The daughter bursts into the bedroom. We have to go. They tried to kill me. And they’re planning on killing you.

INT. POPE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

· His phone buzzes.

DILEMMA: His phone beeps and
there’s a text from a reporter asking him if he is the father of a child.
Social media goes crazy!

· CJ: The 2000 year old sham is up and he stands to lose everything. Why when he just became Pope? It’s not fair!!!

HOPE/FEAR: He calls the Swiss
Guard assassins. Kill them and do it now.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

· HOPE/FEAR: The assassins sneak into the mother and daughter’s room. But…..

· INTRIGUE: They’re gone.

· SUSPENSE: The assassins go room by room in the convent – they’re nowhere to be found.

EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT

· SUSPENSE: The mother and daughter flee into Rome via ancient tunnels.

INT. HOTEL – NIGHT

· MYSTERY: Leaves her mother at the hotel and locks her in.

· SECRET IDENTITY: The daughter collects more ammunition for her gun. Buts a knife or two in her boots.

· SUSPENSE/MAJOR TWIST: They’ve been followed.

EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT

· CREATING A FUTURE: The daughter heads back into the Vatican.

· UNCERTAINTY: The assassin is following the daughter. The fight is on.

INT. HOTEL – NIGHT

· IRONY: The mother orders room service. She’s poisoned.

· FEAR: She dies.

EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT

· SURPRISE: Daughter kills the assassin. Leaves no trace she was there.

EXT. VATICAN WALLS – NIGHT

· SURPRISE: She scales the wall.

INT. POPE’S OFFICE – DAY

CJ DILEMMA: Accept the daughter
as he knows she is his, try to turn her or disown/kill her so he can have
the power he’s worked so hard to achieve.
CJ LAYER: The Pope invites the
daughter to the office. Will accept her as his daughter. But the
relationship must be kept secret.
CJ LAYER/HOPE: Let’s sit down to get to know each
other.
MIND-GAME: The daughter knows
something is up because of her secret identity.
CJ HOPE: She can get the truth from him about her
mother.
CJ LAYER: The Pope warns her
not to discuss the ridiculous notion that she is the second coming.
BETRAYAL: The phone rings. The
mother is dead. The Pope breaks it to the daughter.
DANGER: The daughter barely
controls her anger. There will be no partnership. His life is now forfeit.
She leaves.
LAYER: Pope’s phone buzzes. A news story breaks
that implicates the Catholic Church and brings the Pope and all the
institution stands for into question.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT/FEAR:
The Vatican disconnects all internet services and goes into lockdown mode.
She trapped and has no contact with the outside world.

Act 3:

EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT

· HOPE: Escapes into Rome.

INT. CAFÉ – NIGHT

· Finds a café with internet service.

· INTRIGUE/RETHINK EVERYTHING: Daughter’s phone buzzes. Sees the news story. Decides to investigate the truth behind the story.

· NEW PLAN: Break into the Secret Archives and find documents to collaborate the story.

INT. SECRET ARCHIVES – DAY

· CREATING A FUTURE: Breaks into the Secret Archives.

DANGER: She searches the Secret Archives. Finds
documents to collaborate the story and a whole lot more.
HOPE: Takes pictures of all the documents.
Then moves them to a new location.
LAYER: Some of the documents will bring down
the CC.

EXT. TUNNELS – NIGHT

· FEAR: When she attempts to leave through the tunnels again she finds it guarded. She must get the evidence onto the Cloud and to the world.

· HOPE: She remembers she has a second cellphone. She retrieves it from her backpack. Retraces her steps and sets the second phone up. Returns to where the guard is. Calls the cellphone. The guard leaves to investigate. She takes off down the tunnel.

· FEAR: The door to the outside is locked.

· HOPE: She quietly makes her way back to the guard. Knocks him out. Takes his keys.

· LAYER: Runs into Rome to post the pictures.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

· DILEMMA: Only very senior officials. How to handle the breaking news story? Lie like always.

· SURPRISE: The Pope’s phone buzzes. The pictures are on the internet.

· SURPRISE: The daughter bursts into the conference room. Tells them she knows all of what has happened in the past.

· MAJOR TWIST: One of the senior officials pulls a gun. She’s too fast for them. She kills him. Asks who is next? She kills all the officials.

· SECRET IDENTITY: Who are you? Ex-special forces.

· DILEMMA/DANGER: She accuses the Pope of being the anti-Christ. She’s in danger. He tells her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

TURNING POINT: HUGE
FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT: The daughter confronts the Pope for his role in the
story when he was just a new priest.
UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: The Pope
tells her to prove it.

INT. SECRET ARCHIVES – NIGHT

BETRAYAL: In the dead of night the Pope decides to
shred the evidence only to find the documents gone.
SURPRISE: The daughter is hidden in the secret
archives, filming the Pope.

Act 4:

INT. POPE’S OFFICE – DAY

· SURPRISE: The Pope meets the daughter alone. Says he now believes she’s the Christ. But it has to be managed properly.

· MYSTERY: Why the sudden turn around?

· FEAR: From the shadow of the room she is seized by guards. The Pope pours two glasses of wine.

· HOPE She tells the Pope she knows the wine is poisoned. If she dies more evidence will be released to a news stand near you.

· TWIST: The poisoned wine reveals — the Pope as the anti-Christ.

· FEAR: No one will know she’s dead. And they have some of the best hackers to find what she posted to the Cloud. He approaches her with the glass as she struggles with the guards.

· HOPE: She’s the second coming she performs the miracle of the disappearing glass. While they’re all in shock she takes down the guards because she’s ex-special forces.

· FEAR: In his rage, the Pope attacks her.

· HOPE: She flings the glass of poisoned wine into his face. She escapes.

FINAL PLAN: The Pope calls the
assassins. The final attempt on the daughter’s life. Don’t miss this time.

EXT. – ST. PETER’S SQUARE – DAY

CREATING A FUTURE: With a video camera set up the daughter
stands in St. Peter’s square.
SUSPENSE: There are snipers all
around the top of the circle by the Apostles.
CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF
THE CONFLICT: With bullets raining down on her, the daughter starts to
bring down the physical structure of the Vatican. She remains untouched by
the bullets.
SUSPENSE: The Pope, also up on
the roof, sees the bullets missing her, he grabs a gun and starts to shoot
at her.
INTRIGUE: The daughter turns to where the Pope is,
raises her arms, the roof crumbles to the ground. Burying all the snipers
and the Pope in rubble. With the Vatican in rubble the daughter posts the
video on social media.
RESOLUTION: The daughter gives
a virtual press conference to the world. Shows a new way to have a
relationship with God.
</div>

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Budget What I learned doing this assignment is that this is the first time I’ve actually seen the variables that go into the budget and the explanations!

For this assignment, assume the producer asked you to accomplish two opposite purposes – cut costs by 25% in one version and quadruple the budget in a second version.

1. Run through this list and tell us how many ways you might be able decrease the budget for your project if that was required.

MAIN VARIABLES

Number of Locations: 2
Expensive locations: 1 – the Vatican – could use
just a church
Number of characters: 3 main characters; 3 secondary
ones
Special effects: No
Number of pages: 90
Crowd scenes: No
Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight
scenes: Yes – Fight scenes –
a couple
Special sets: Special
Archives but could use just a library

SECONDARY VARIABLES

Rights to music, brands, books,
etc.: No
Explosions and Firearm: Yes –
when she brings down the Vatican
Kids — shorter work days,
tutor on the set: No
Animals – need a wrangler, more
time to shoot, Humane Society: No
Weather — Rain, snow, wind,
tornados: No
Water and underwater scenes: No
Night scenes: Yes
– a couple when she escapes the Vatican
Helicopters, aircraft, drone
shots: No
Green screen work: Maybe
when she brings down the Vatican walls
Extensive Make-up: No
Archival Footage: Maybe
Anything else dangerous that
increases preparation time and/or Insurance: No

2. Then go through the list and tell us what you might add if your budget was quadrupled.

MAIN VARIABLES

Number of Locations: 2 –
The Vatican and Rome
Expensive locations: Yes
– The Vatican and Rome
Number of characters: 3
main; More various secondary characters, priests, Swiss guards, etc.
Special effects: Yes
– bringing down the Vatican walls
Number of pages: 120
Crowd scenes: Yes
could have a special mass being said in St. Peter’s Square
Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight
scenes: Yes – fight but
could add a chase scene
Special sets: Yes
– Special Archives

SECONDARY VARIABLES

Rights to music, brands, books,
etc.: No
Explosions and Firearm: Yes
– explosion
Kids — shorter work days,
tutor on the set: No
Animals – need a wrangler, more
time to shoot, Humane Society: No
Weather — Rain, snow, wind,
tornados: No
Water and underwater scenes: No
Night scenes: Yes
– could have a chase scene at night
Helicopters, aircraft, drone
shots: No but
could use a drone when she brings down the Vatican
Green screen work: Maybe
Extensive Make-up: No
Archival Footage: Yes
– background on the news story that broke
Anything else dangerous that
increases preparation time and/or Insurance: No

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Writes Great Hope/Fear!

What I learned doing this assignment is the categories of where you can plant hope/fear – it was a good refresher for my memory.

1. Pull out the 4-Act structure of your story.

2. Using the list of Infinite Possibilities above, brainstorm 5 or more Hope/Fear moments that can occur in each Act.

Act 1:

Opening: A mother and daughter
visit the Vatican. The mother has old friends there.
Inciting Incident: The mother
tells the new Pope the daughter is his daughter.
Turning Point: The daughter
performs a miracle to save the Pope’s life.

Hope: Going to have a nice vacation in Rome and meet some of mom’s friends from when she was a nun.

Threat: They meet the Pope but he is rude and condescending. He’s too busy to talk to them and yells at them to leave.

Hope: Makes an appointment to see the Pope.

Fear: The Pope denies he is the father of any child. Threatens the mother with dire consequences if she makes anything public.

Hope: The mother takes a hair sample from the Pope when he is distracted on the phone.

Danger: The Pope’s DNA comes back a match and the mother confronts him again. He backhands her just as the daughter enters the room.

Hope: The daughter bends down and places her hand on her mother’s cheek to heal her.

Fear: The Pope calls the daughter a demon.

Hope: The daughter tells him he’s wrong that she is the next Christ.

Act 2:

New plan: The Pope can’t have
this woman being the Christ.
Plan in action: The daughter must die.
Midpoint Turning Point: A news
story breaks that implicates the Catholic Church and brings the Pope and
all the institution stands for into question.

Hope: The daughter goes to see the Pope alone. He’s supposed to be the representative of God – he should see reason.

Fear: The Pope warns her not to discuss the ridiculous notion that she is the second coming of Christ OR ELSE.

Hope: She agrees but she wants access to the Secret Archives.

Fear: The first attempt on her life in the secret archives but she survives.

Hope: The Pope wants to sit down for an interview to determine if she’s telling the truth.

Mind-Game: The daughter knows that something is up but she trained to determine the truth….

Secret: She’s an ex-CIA trained interrogator.

Hope: She can get the truth from him about her mother.

Fear: The Vatican disconnects all internet services and goes into lockdown mode. She can’t get out and has no contact with the outside world.

Act 2 Mid-point: The daughter sneaks out of the Vatican to access the internet and discovers another disturbing story about the Catholic Church.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Daughter
decides to investigate the truth behind the story.
New plan: She breaks into the secret archives and
finds documents to collaborate the story.
Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift: The daughter confronts the Pope for his role in the story
when he was just a new priest. In the dead of night the Pope decides to
shred the evidence only to find the evidence gone.

Hope: She starts to investigate the news reports.

Fear: Breaks back into the secret archives while everyone is distracted. Is almost caught.

Hope: She’s taken pictures of all the documents on her cellphone.

Fear: When she attempts to leave the Vatican through the secret tunnel she finds it guarded – she must get to the outside to upload the evidence to the cloud.

Hope: She remembers she has a second cellphone. She retrieves it and sets it up down one of the hallways. She takes up her position near the tunnel and calls the second cellphone. The guard leaves the tunnel to investigate.

Fear: The door to the tunnel is locked.

Hope: She quietly follows the guard and knocks him out. She takes his keys.

Fear: How is she going to get back in?

Turning Point: The Pope goes to the secret archives to retrieve the evidence only to find the evidence is gone.

Act 4:

Final plan: An attempt on the
daughter’s life.
Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict: The daughter stands in St. Peter’s square and starts to
bring down the physical structure of the Vatican.
Resolution: With the Vatican in
rubble the daughter shows a new way to have a relationship with God.

Hope: With the evidence uploaded into the cloud the daughter walks into the Vatican through the front door.

Fear: She is seized and brought to the Pope’s office. There is a glass of water on the Pope’s desk he wants her to drink.

Hope: She tells the Pope she knows it’s poisoned and if she dies the evidence of the Catholic Church’s crimes will hit a newsstand near you.

Fear: The Pope picks up the glass and throws it at her.

Hope: She’s the Christ so she performs the miracle of the disappearing glass.

Fear: The Pope and his two guards attack her physically.

Hope: But she’s trained CIA so she neutralizes them both.

Solution: She calls her news source and tells them to print the evidence. Makes the Pope do a video apologizing for what happened.

Climax: The daughter stands in St. Peter’s square and starts to bring down the physical structure of the Vatican while her mom films it.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is the breakdown of the 4-Act structure which I didn’t know before.

Create a first draft of your 4 Act Structure.

1. Tell us the following:

· Concept: The night a new Pope is chosen, he gets a text from someone telling him he has an illegitimate daughter and she’s the second coming of Christ.

Main Conflict: Daughter is the second coming of Christ.

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: A mother and daughter
visit the Vatican. The mother has old friends there.
Inciting Incident: The mother
tells the new Pope the daughter is his daughter.
Turning Point: The daughter
performs a miracle to save the Pope’s life.

Act 2:

New plan: The Pope can’t have
this woman being the Christ.
Plan in action: The daughter must die.
Midpoint Turning Point: A news
story breaks that implicates the Catholic Church and brings the Pope and
all the institution stands for into question.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Daughter
decides to investigate the truth behind the story.
New plan: She breaks into the secret archives and
finds documents to collaborate the story.
Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift: The daughter confronts the Pope for his role in the story
when he was just a new priest. In the dead of night the Pope decides to
shred the evidence only to find the evidence gone.

Act 4:

Final plan: An attempt on the
daughter’s life.
Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict: The daughter stands in St. Peter’s square and starts to
bring down the physical structure of the Vatican.
Resolution: With the Vatican in
rubble the daughter shows a new way to have a relationship with God.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica Delivering Multiple Layers!

What I learned doing this assignment

1. Brainstorm potential plot layers.

Major scheme revealed: Usher in the 1000 years of peace with the
second coming of Christ
Mystery revealed: Maybe the
mother is the anti-Christ
Thought it was one thing, but
it is another: Thought that Christ is a man but this time around is a
woman – as Christ is an office – not a specific gender.
Major shift in Meaning: Thought
the mother just wanted her daughter to know her father but really she
wanted her daughter to take over the spiritual direction of society
Hidden history: Daughter starts to go through the secret
archives and discovers the multitude of lies the church has been teaching
the world – she now has proof.
Hidden plan: The new Pope and
the new Christ have to team up to beat the anti-Christ.

2. Brainstorm potential character layers.

Secret identity: The mother is
really the anti-Christ.
Intrigue layers: Satanic cult; paranormal
activity – ghosts of popes
Hidden relationships and
conspiracies:
Hidden Character history: The
daughter is supposedly the Second Coming of Christ and the new Pope is
supposedly the anti-Christ.

3. Brainstorm potential location layers.

Hidden operation: Team up to
stop the anti-Christ.
Deeper meaning: Bond between father
and daughter starts to form.
Trap to draw prey: Draw her to
the Last Judgement altar in the Sistine Chapel
Unique sub-world: The secret
world of the Vatican.

4. Tell us about the layers you’ve chosen. Use this format with each of them:

Surface Layer: The Vatican
Beneath That: The crypt where all the previous popes
are buried
How Revealed: The mother is planting bombs amongst the
tombs to bring the Vatican crashing to the ground – she’s caught. The
ghosts of the dead popes harasses her.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject line: Monica’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment – you’re right I hadn’t thought of character journeys with a structure – now I have to re-tool my MSC 14 war movie!

1. For each of your main characters, create a 3-Act Structure of their journey.

3-Act Structure Mother

Beginning: She returns to the Vatican to see her friends. She’s brought her daughter.

Turning Point: She confronts the new Pope – her daughter is his daughter.

Dilemma: Knowing her life is probably in danger if she tells her secret – does she or doesn’t she.

Midpoint: Tells the new Pope that not only is the daughter his daughter, she’s also the second coming of Christ.

Turning Point 2: Has her daughter perform some “miracles”.

3rd Act Climax: The new Pope confronts her over the secret saying it has to be managed properly.

Ending: With her life in danger she tries to send a pre-written email but there is no service. She’s poisoned and everything is covered up.

3-Act Structure – Daughter

Beginning: She explores the Vatican.

Turning Point: Discovers she is this Pope’s daughter.

Dilemma: But has insight into this Pope being the anti-Christ and she is in danger.

Midpoint: Gets into the Secret Archives and finds the document which exposes the Christian church as a fraud.

Turning Point 2: Performs the miracle of illusion exposing the Vatican as a den of iniquity.

3rd Act Climax: She exposes the new Pope as the anti-Christ and the fight for souls is on.

Ending: She raises her mother from the dead as the Vatican disintegrates around her.

3-Act Structure – The Pope

Beginning: He welcomes the Mother and Daughter to the Vatican – they’re old friends you know.

Turning Point: The Pope denies the daughter is his daughter.

Dilemma: Accept the daughter as he knows she is his or disown her so he can have the power that goes with being the Pope.

Midpoint: The 2000 year old sham is up and he stands to lose everything.

Turning Point 2: The “miracle” of illusion is being played over and over again on all platforms – his agenda is moved up.

3rd Act Climax: The fight between the SC-Christ and the evil Pope.

Ending: He loses for evil can not triumph.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject line: Monica Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment is to always keep in mind the limited number of characters and locations which changes how the story is envisioned.

1. With each of your characters, go through all of these questions to see which might fit for your story.

2. With each character, create a simple profile like the example above for LOCKE.

Character 1: Mother

Internal Character Depth

Motivation: Knows her child is a child of God.
Secret: Had a child out of wedlock because she was a nun.
Wound: Her religion is unforgiving and she learns it does
not follow the teachings of Jesus.
Subtext: Her child is the second coming of Christ.
Layers: Who’s the father of the child? How can a WOMAN be
the second coming of Christ; is she prepared to lose it all?

Character to character

Conflict: With the father of her child.
Hidden Agenda: How to introduce her child to
the world, how to get the world to listen
Conspiracy: Between Mother and her spiritual
advisor
Intrigue: To what lengths will she go to
try to save the world

Character Situation

Dilemma: New pope and their history together vs
doing what’s right to save the world
Secret Identity: The secret identity of the
father – is the Pope.

Character 2: Daughter

Internal Character Depth

Motivation: Wants to lead a productive and
purposeful life.
Secret: Doesn’t believe she’s the second coming of
anything.
Wound: Growing up without a father in an alternative faith
community from Christianity
Subtext: Out to prove she’s not the second coming.
Layers:

Character to character

Conflict: With her mother; discovering who
her father is.
Hidden Agenda: To get away and lead a normal
life.
Conspiracy: Against her mother and her
delusions
Intrigue: How does she get out this
situation

Character Situation

Dilemma: What if the pope is her real father?
Secret Identity:

Character 3: Pope

Internal Character Depth

Motivation: Doesn’t want anything to ruin his
papacy.
Secret: Will deny he ever had relations with the Mother
even if it’s a lie
Wound: Was abandoned as a child and grew up in an
orphanage
Subtext: Is afraid
Layers:

Character to character

Conflict: Between mother and pope
Hidden Agenda: To ruin the mother and get rid
of the daughter
Conspiracy: Between pope and daughter
Intrigue: Things that go bump in the
night that has him face his existential crisis

Character Situation

Dilemma: Ego/power vs spirituality

· Secret Identity:

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Right Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is this is a different
way to look at creating character and this concept came out of nowhere .<div>

1. Compare your concept to your lead characters to find unique ways for them to fulfill the concept.

2. Think about your Concept Hook
and Contained Setting.

Concept Hook: The night a new Pope is chosen, he gets a text from someone telling him he has an illegitimate daughter and she’s the second coming of Christ.

Contained Setting: The Vatican.

3. With each of your main
characters, how can they uniquely fit with the Hook?

Pope:

· White, middle-aged, misogynistic, patriarchal, needs to see to believe, will do anything to preserve the Church’s corrupt teachings.

Mother:

· An ex-nun who gave birth to a daughter. Like Mary Magdalene she believed without question. Worries for her daughter as the world has not moved on since the first coming of Christ.

Daughter:

· Was identified as the second coming of Christ by the Dali Lama when he was summoned to the Tibetan monastery where her and her mother took refuge.

Thinking about the conflict
that hook creates, how does each main character enhance or cause that
conflict?

· The Pope is committed to bringing the Church’s people in line so his past must be buried at all costs. His temporal ego is at odds with his spirituality.

· The mother is supportive of her daughter because this has been revealed to her by God.

· The daughter walks with God but lives in the world. When she confronts her father she is interrogated a la Inquisition style until an Angel of God rescues her. She is the undoing of the Catholic and Christian churches.

4. Tell us what makes these
characters the “right ones” for this story?

· The Pope is supposed to be the representative of God on Earth and he acts anything but God-like.

· The mother will do anything to protect her daughter including if necessary the destruction of the Papacy.

· The daughter escapes the papacy. But she’s filmed it all and uses social media to bring the people back to God without the need for the Church or any of its sister organizations.

</div>

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Great Hook!

A. How did this process work for me? It was quite entailed but it got the creative juices flowing.

B. What did I learn doing this assignment? I learned more about asking the right questions for a high concept.

1. Possible major hooks:

Idea 1:

A. Intriguing Contained Setting: New Mexico desert campsite.

B. Unique Device: A secret underground base that has spread out throughout underneath the desert interfering with the natural order of things.

C. Unique Monster/Villain: Seven foot, stinky alien with an off world weapon.

D. Mystery: Why are there aliens living under the desert? Who let them here? Why are they interfering with the protagonist’s healing?

E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem: She has to be at this site to receive her healing.

F. Unique layers: She has the power within her to get rid of the monster.

Idea 2:

A. Intriguing Contained Setting: Terrorist cave.

B. Unique Device: A ticking clock, her flute, a stolen WMD.

C. Unique Monster/Villain: Brainwashed terrorist.

D. Mystery: Why do terrorists kidnap a female conductor?

E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem:

F. Unique layers: She is the daughter of the lead terrorist from an illicit affair.

Idea 3:

A. Intriguing Contained Setting: A house.

B. Unique Device: Wheelchair.

C. Unique Monster/Villain: Ex-boyfriend.

D. Mystery: What happened? Why did he do it?

E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem: How will she get her revenge?

F. Unique layers: Power of the mind.

Idea 4:

A. Intriguing Contained Setting: Museum.

B. Unique Device: A lead coffin containing Hitler’s body. An elixir that lets you live forever but doesn’t stop you looking your true age.

C. Unique Monster/Villain: A 132 year old Hitler.

D. Mystery: Where did he get it? Why does he look 132 years old?

E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem: How to kill Hitler once and for all?

F. Unique layers: Hitler’s allies.

Idea 5:

A. Intriguing Contained Setting: Mountain hiking path.

B. Unique Device: Bear trap, alcohol, fire

C. Unique Monster/Villain: The government.

D. Mystery: Who is the stranger?

E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem: How to help the creature stay hidden?

F. Unique layers: Do they fall in love?

2. High Concept Question

Having to do with a thriller movie, what haven’t we seen before?

Having to do with an alien movie, what haven’t we seen before?

Having to do with an action movie, what haven’t we seen before?

3. Exchanging Components

The current components are:

A. Terrorists

B. Cave in the mountains

C. Kidnapped a musician

D. Her real father is the lead terrorist

Alternatives:

A. Terrorists

· Cult members

· Soldiers

· Rival orchestra leader

· Leader of her religion

B. Cave in the mountains

· Monastery in another country

· A bombed out village

· A harem

· A palace

C. Kidnapped a musician

· Stalk and frighten her

· Brainwash her

· Threaten to kill her

· Ritualist rape and murder

D. Her real father is the lead terrorist

· The Pope

· Politician

· Peace negotiator

· Ghost of a dead terrorist

4. Made my selection.

5. Time will reveal it……

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Guidelines for NEXT

What I learned doing this assignment is that understanding what makes a contained movie means you can make any movie a contained movie.

PART TWO

TITLE: NEXT

A. People: Eight actors throughout the movie. Large extras as FBI agents, SWAT teams, casino surveillance, FBI surveillance, road crews, dock crews, not to mention all the casino goers.

B. Stunts: Car chases, foot chases, toppling over the water tower, multiple takes on scenes where he is running through all possible outcomes

C. Extras: So many as stated above.

D. Wardrobe: Evening wear for his stage performance, plain clothes, SWAT gear, bullet proof vests, road crew vests

E. Hair and Make up: Blood on bodies, bullet holes in foreheads

F. Kids and Animals: About six kids and horses where Jennifer Biel’s character works.

G. Quarantine: Would have been a nightmare – large amount of extras, animals, kids, stunts throughout the movie.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People: Could have had one bad guy and him talking on the phone to the rest of the bad guys. He could have assembled the bomb himself. The surveillance teams could have been smaller. Didn’t need the ex-boyfriend showing up. Peter Falk character didn’t need to be there.

B. Stunts: Cut the car chase. Use tension and subterfuge instead.

C. Extras: After his stage performance he doesn’t have to go through the casino – find another way out. Too many cops chasing him. Keep to the two main FBI agents until the climax. Don’t need the helicopter. Instead of having Las Vegas, Flagstaff, AZ, and Los Angeles as locations, place the movie in Los Angeles. The bad guys want to blow up LA anyway. Cut the dock workers and have the bad guy or two already have the bomb.

D. Wardrobe: Is ok.

E. Hair and Make up: Still need the blood.

F. Kids and Animals: These could be cut. Re-tool the scene between Cage and Biel and have her show him pictures of where she works. Have FaceTime with the birthday boy kid. This will eliminate the need for them to travel to Flagstaff to deliver a present to one of the kids.

G. Quarantine: Reduce locations, stunts and remove the kids and horses. Use more off screen work for the bad guys and FBI surveillance. Moving the main location to LA eliminates the casino surveillance, the casino goers, etc.

[Monica Arisman]

Idea 1:

A. Contained Environment: Campsite New Mexico desert.

B. Contained Characters: Native American woman and her Shaman

C. Difficult Situation: They venture into the New Mexico desert to summons the Star People to heal her only to discover a mysterious force prevents their communication — what could it be?

D. Reason for the Containment: She has cancer and wants the Star People to heal her.

Idea 2:

A. Contained Environment: Terrorist cave

B. Contained Characters: A terrorist and a conductor of a symphony.

C. Difficult Situation: A gifted female conductor is kidnapped by terrorists that govern her war torn country and she must convince her captor to let her go.

D. Reason for Containment: She is a threat to the terrorists that govern her country and her religion.

Idea 3:

A. Contained Environment: A house.

B. Contained Characters: A woman and her ex-boyfriend.

C. Difficult Situation: An ex-boyfriend breaks into his ex-girlfriend’s home, drunk and high, she tries to escape but he corners her in a room and leaves her barely alive.

D. Reason for Containment: She has to learn to live as a paraplegic.

Idea 4:

A. Contained Environment: Archeological dig or museum.

B. Contained Characters: Two archeologists – one man and one woman.

C. Difficult Situation: Two archeologists are brought in to identify and catalogue recently discovered Nazi artefacts including clues that suggest Hitler may still be alive.

D. Reason for Containment: War breaks out and each side wants the elixer that has given Hitler eternal life.

Idea 5:

A. Contained Environment: Mountain hiking path.

B. Contained Character: Hiker and an injured alien.

C. Difficult Situation: A hiker comes across an alien who has his leg trapped in a bear trap.

D. Reason for Containment: The hiker helps the alien but they must stay hidden as the government is looking for the alien and they must wait until the alien’s people can retrieve him.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Lawrence,

Good to hear from you. I believe you are to submit the title, concept and structure, etc. to the email wimconcepts@gmail.com.

As far as “woke”, I most definitely am not woke and work hard at being the red-neck from Alberta at every opportunity (LOL)….

Have a good day.

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Thanks for reaching out Lawrence. I’m in Calgary. And, yes, fellow is for both unless you’re woke!!!

[Monica Arisman]

Hey CJ,

I’ll exchange with you. I have an action. This would be exchange 3 for me. If that’s ok.

My email address is marisman@shaw.ca. I’ll send you an email to confirm. Thanks.

[Monica Arisman]

Hey Judith,

I’m going to exchange with Denise first. But after that, I can be your exchange #2?

My email is marisman@shaw.ca.

Thanks.

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Denise,

Sure I’ll exchange with you.

My email is marisman@shaw.ca. I have an action/thriller (working on the thriller elements).

Just send me an email. Thanks!

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Rene,

Would you like to exchange? My email is marisman@shaw.ca.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Sci-fi

If so, just email me and I’ll email you back. Thanks.

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Lynn,

I will exchange with you. I only have time for one exchange as I’m going away.

My email is marisman@shaw.ca. Thanks.

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Thank you for that Mary. I appreciate it. Gosling and the young girl do have chemistry and I liked that part of the movie. It spoke to his humanity — which he hadn’t lost even though he’s a trained killer!

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Don,

That’s a great idea! Thank you for your feedback.

[Monica Arisman]

Cheryl,

This isn’t for my scene. I don’t know whose scene it’s for but it’s not mine.

Thanks.

Monica.

[Monica Arisman]

Thank you Douglas for your feedback. I appreciate it.

[Monica Arisman]

Hi Micah,

Did you want to exchange? If so, I can get to you tomorrow. I’m working on one of my scripts that needs to be finished in a couple of weeks. If that is ok, let me know.

Monica @ marisman@shaw.ca.

Thanks.

Monica.