Nadine Weathersby
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Assignment Two- Partner up with Deme, and Critique.This is a good story with exciting subtext, I had a few questions which were answered and I got clarity. One was who told Jewel to call the FBI.
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Assignment Two- Partner up with Deme, and Critique.This is a good story with exciting subtext, I had a few questions which were answered and I got clarity. One was who told Jewel to call the FBI.
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I work on Sundays, I am a Staff Minister. I often go to lunch and socialize after. What about 6PM PST, Sunday, or Monday during the day if that works better. My day is open Monday. Texting me is better to communicate. I’m not always at my computer, and signing in on my iphone to get your messages has been a challenge. I need to get the problem sorted out. It doesn’t recognize my password.
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Assignment 1 Rewrite Class
Nadine Weathersby logline and One page
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that even when you feel stuck, brain storming gives you
new ideas and ways to express your vision.
1. Tell us your current title and logline. Title: The Soul Singer
Logline: THE SOUL SINGER is a thought provocative romantic- musical-drama about an African American
talented young man, Michael Daniels, 24, who’s the son of a long line of Baptist ministers. He
feels a strong inclination towards recording secular music, which conflicts with his religious
teachings and the goals that are being forced upon him by his family. When Michael is caught
singing in a nightclub by his father, Reverend Jasper Daniels, all hell breaks loose.
Another logline:
Logline: A young man runs away from his highly devout family, and his fiancée, to
unshackle himself from their desires.
Synopsis/Overview:
Three weeks before his wedding to Veronica, Michael’s feelings about his family begin to
bubble over. He comes from a family of devout reverends and pastors who want him to follow in
their footsteps, but scold him when he delivers a sermon that doesn’t suit their stricter
bible interpretations. His father discovers that he has started performing non-secular
music at a nightclub and the ensuing argument results in physical violence. He leaves the family,
and Veronica, and goes to live with his cousin Cookie in Los Angeles. Cookie “owns” a nightclub,
where he introduces Michael to Jasmine, who takes a shine to him. They start up a relationship, and
she convinces him to sing at her party, where he is noticed by talent scouts. Back in Atlanta, the
wedding is cancelled. Veronica finds out that she has developed cancer and begins undergoing
chemotherapy. Michael’s father goes to Los Angeles to try and reconcile with Michael but finds
him living with Jasmine and becomes apoplectic.
Michael wins American Idol, while Veronica becomes despondent about his abandonment. The night
before her surgery, her mother contacts his mother, who contacts him and tells him about the
cancer. He immediately gets a flight back to Atlanta but is too late to see her before she goes
under. He argues back against his father and forces him to realize that his judgements
are unholy by the bible. He talks to Veronica while she is out, and although she nearly dies, she
is sent back to the living when God declares there is more for her to do.
Michael breaks up with Jasmine and commits himself to Veronica again, who decides to marry him
against her mother’s misgivings. Michael gets a record deal with one of Jasmine’s contacts and the
family celebrates his success as he plans to move to California with Veronica.
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LEESSON 26 MAX ENTERTAINMENT CYCLE 6 FINAL LESSON
Nadine Weathersby
Logline: Carley’s spending during the pandemic creates a fire storm with her husband Marcus.
Essence: We all have issues to forgive and embrace unconditional love.
INT. CARLEY AND MARCUS BEDROOM – NIGHT
CARLEY, 24, African American, short with medium brown skin and dark piercing eyes, stands at the
dresser putting on moisturizer. She sees MARCUS lying back on the bed staring at her through the
mirror.
MARCUS, 26,African American, tall and handsome hears an alert on his phone. He sits up and starts
checking his phone.
MARCUS
What!That’s all we have left to spend on the Capital One Card!
CARLEY
This Pandemic is hard enough… I just wish you would stop trippin’
Marcus sifts his body and is now sitting on the side of the bed.
MARCUS
Let me get this straight, you want me to stop asking you to stop sending us to the poor house?
Carley looks down at the clusters of products, perfumes, oils, and jewelry. She finds a lavender
oil and dabs it onto her neck.
CARLEY
This is the best essential oil I’ve found on Amazon…You are going to love it too.
Marcus turns completely around grimacing as he tries to control his anger.
MARCUS
This is serious Carley. You must stop spending or we can move in with my mom.
2.
Carley whips around to look directly at Marcus.
CARLEY
Now you know that won’t work. She hates me. She never thought I was good enough for you. She
criticizes everything I do.
Marcus stands.
MARCUS
(loudly)
I am sorry you think that, but don’t try to play the victim. This is about your spending.
Carley vies for another approach.
CARLEY
I love you Babe, and she can see that.
MARCUS
(Impatiently)
Don’t keep changing the subject. I just barely made the cut to not be put on furlough.
Carly moves closer to Marcus and confidently defends her habit of addiction.
CARLEY
But I did and I’m stuck here all day, no friends can visit, my mother lives in Atlanta…we have no
kids…what the hell do you want me to do, masterbate all day?
Marcus looks shocked, but regains command.
MARCUS
I am sorry but you leave me no choice. Looks like I will have to call all the credit card
companies and suspend the cards.
Carly looks fearful, but seeks to regain the command. She holds up her ring finger and taunts him
with a “Miss America Wave” gesture.
CARLEY
Remember, you liked it so you put a ring on it.
3.
MARCUS
You weren’t an addict to Amazon Prime then.
Carly softens, as she realizes that her evasive tactics aren’t going to work. She walks up to
Marcus who’s still trying to remain firm reaches and for his hand. His face softens as the
intensity of the love in his heart conflicts with his logic. Carley stares directly into Marcus’
eyes.
CARLEY
Ok, ok, if the pandemic doesn’t end soon…(happily) I’ll need a hobby… one outdoors and
pandemic safe.
Marcus puts his arm around Carly.
MARCUS
Close your eyes. Imagine walking on the beach smelling the ocean, watching the sandpipers.
Carley looks delighted and sniffs the air. She slowly opens her eyes.
CARLEY
I see it. I smell it. And I see dolphins.
Marcus is smiling.
MARCUS
I put in for vacation and booked us a 5 day stay in Cancun. We can fly, we both been vaccinated.
Carley kisses Marcus passionately. He responds briefly, then holding her at the shoulders he
pushes her away to stare deeply into her eyes.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
I was serious about us moving in with my mother.
He gazes at her response. She doesn’t speak.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
Psyche! I got you!
They both laugh.
4.
CARLEY
I get it. I will only buy household needs, deal?
Marcus looks away as he ponders his answer, then looks back at here smiling.
Deal!
MARCUS CARLEY
I love you so much bae. When do we leave?
MARCUS
Next weekend. It was supposed to be a surprise that I was going to tell you on your birthday
Friday.
Carley smiles with delight and kisses Marcus.
CARLEY
You seem to always know just what I need and when I need it.
MARCUS
I prayed for a Soul mate and you showed up. But I’m going to send you to spending Anonymous!
Carly pulls back to read his expression.
CARLY
Are you serious?
Marcus tackles Carley to the bed. The passion takes them to that synergy that attracted them to
each other initially.
They feel a sense of knowing that the relationship is in the corrected. Only Moans and groans are
heard now.
End of Scene
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LESSON 23, NADINE WEATHERSBY – MAX ENTERTAINMENT TECHNIQUES (CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS REVEALS. NEW MAX INTEREST)
LOGLINE: PHILLIP SUSPECTS BRANDY HAS HURT THEIR CHILD, BUT TAKES THE RAP.
ESSENCE: The truth doesn’t always set you free.
Scene description here: Phillips knows Brandy is stressed out because he’s not there for her. He protects Brandy in their baby’s death.
Scene Arc: Brandy is deceptive about when the baby shows signs of trauma on Mother’s day.
INT. ST. JOSEPH’S HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – DAY
It’s 7:00 AM, BRANDY WILLIAMS, 17, Pretty with blond hair and bright blue eyes looks worried as she paces the floor. Momentarily, a DOCTOR, middle aged with thinning hair, comes in to speak to Brandy.
DOCTOR
Miss Williams, we ran a lot of tests on your son. I’m sorry to have to deliver this news…Joshua is brain dead.
Brandy stares in to space never showing any emotion. The doctor studies her face.
DOCTOR
Did you hear me? Your son is brain dead. Where is his father?
Brandy seems to snap out of her trance.
BRANDY
He’s at home. When I left he was asleep.
The Doctor looks shocked, but remains professional in his tone.
DOCTOR
You need to call him now and get him here. It’s urgent…a decision has to be made.
Brandy takes her cell phone out. The doctor leaves the room. Momentarily, PHILLIP answer groggily.
PHILLIP (PHONE VOICE)
Yea, I mean Hello. Where are you?
Brandy feigns emotion.
BRANDY
At the hospital I need you here, get here now.
PHILLIP (PHONE VOICE)
Hospital? Why?
BRANDY
Joshua, I mean…When I woke up Joshua wasn’t acting right. He wasn’t crying like his usual self. He was making gurgling noises. I rushed him out to Emergency here at St. Joseph’s…
INT. BRANDY AND PHILLIP’S APARTMENT – DAY
PHILLIP, 19, short and unattractive looks like he is on the verge of collapse as he sits on the edge of the bed crying.
PHILLIP
Why didn’t you wake me? It’s all my work hours. I know I’ve bee slack in helping you… I know he cries a lot and I’m so tired, but you should have woke me… I’m on my way.
EXT. DRIVEWAY OF BRANDY AND PHILLIP’S APT COMPLEX – DAY
Phillip’s rushes out of the home and speeds away.
INT. ST. JOSEPH’S HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM – DAY
Brandy sits in the waiting room playing “Angry Bird’s” on her phone. Phillips rushes over to her. When she hears his footsteps approaching, she quickly closes an app and looks up. Phillip wipes tears from his eyes before he speaks.
PHILLIP
Hey, what did the doctors say.
He sits down next to Brandy.
BRANDY
He said that he has a brain bleed…
Phillips looks shocked and stared Brandy directly in the face.
PHILLIP
What? How? He was fine. What did you do?
BRANDY
I, I, I did nothing. When we returned from my mom’s, I noticed he was sleepy. I tried to feed him but he wouldn’t take his bottle. I knew I had to apply for that teen internship job at Kroger so I got on the computer and…
The Doctor approaches with a concerned expression. They both look up.
DOCTOR
Are you the dad?
Phillips stands and extends his hand. The Doctor shakes it briefly.
PHILLIP
Yes Sir, I mean, Doctor..
The Doctor cuts him off.
DOCTOR
I have to be straight with you and Brandy. Your son has shaken baby syndrome. Whose care was he in?
Phillip tears up.
PHILLIP
Ah, my wife’s during the morning. I work long hours at the factory and after they came back from visiting her Mom for Mother’s day, she left him with me. She laid him in the bassinette. I watched some basketball games until I crashed. He was in his bassinette beside the bed next to me. I looked over at Joshua..he was sleep, so I fell back to sleep.
BRANDY
He was sleeping when I looked at him too. So I got on the computer. I applied for the TV show “Teen Moms” so I was checking to see if I made it.
PHILLIP
I told you NO! I don’t want our business in public. You need to pay more attention to the family.
The Doctor grows impatient.
DOCTOR
We also discovered some old injuries to your son. We have called DCS and reported these findings and the Police are on their way.
Brandy looks scared.
BRANDY
I’m a good mom…
PHILLIP
You have been a good mom and…
Before he can finish, TWO POLICE OFFICERS, Young, looking very stiff, arrive in the waiting room. The Doctor signals for them to come to the couple. The 1st POLICEMAN makes no introduction and gets right to the point of their visit. He is very stern in his speech.
1ST POLICE OFFICER
Whose care was you son in?
PHILLIP
Mine Sir, they…I mean Joshua and Brandy went to visit her Mother earlier, he was fussy during the night.
Brandy looks a bit relieved, almost smiling. The 2nd Officer turns to look at the 1st Officer then looks at Phillip.
2ND POLICE OFFICER
Your Son is brain dead. Stand up, you have to come with us down to the station.
Phillip looks at Brandy who tries to look distraught. The Police officers put Phillip in handcuffs and take him out of the hospital to a police car in front of the hospital.
INT. BRANDY AND PHILLIP’S APARTMENT
Brandy and her Best friend JESSICA, a red headed 17 year old are having drinks and snacks while RAP music plays in the background.
BRANDY
Thanks again girl for your advise. I finally got rid of his manipulative, controlling ass. He wanted me pregnant so I could get welfare and food stamps so he wouldn’t have to work… but he found out it wasn’t that easy and had to get a job. I can have another baby I’m still young.
They hold their drinks up to a toast.
JESSICA
Serves him right.
END of Scene.
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Lesson 20
Nadine Weathersby Character Relationships
What I learned doing this assignment is that the interactions of my characters and their relationships must have rapport, conflict and contrast to create a dynamic of interest.
In my script I looked Michael, Veronica, Mrs. Saterfield, and Mr. Saterfield. I elevated the conflict, and resolved their rapport.
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Lesson 17 QE Cycle #4 Renee/Maxine Max Entertainment Part 2
I don’t know where else to post this one.
Lesson 17 Nadine Weathersby Max Entertainment Part 2
Renee and Maxine 1<sup>st</sup> scene write
Logline: Two high school friends pretend to have each other’s best interest.
Essence: Two high school friends with a secret try to stay friends instead of frenemies
Scene: Maxine invites Renee to lunch to ask her to attend the high school re-union with her but it goes south.
And now:
Scene arc: The promise confirmed to the other person discovering the secret is out
Renee Traits: Prissy, Devious, Outgoing, Conformist.
Maxine Traits: Tricky, Snobbish, Paranoid, emotionally wounded.
INT. RED LOBSTER FOYER – DAY
It’s lunch time and bustling with the noise of a lunch time crowd. Seafood smells fill the air.
RENEE WILLIS, 23, a tall brunette with a vibrant personality awaits MAXINE WILLIAMS in the lobby. Maxine also 23, snobbish, blond with piercing blue eyes walks in and looks at Renee. They both stand.
The HOSTESS, a cute African American, 18, signals for them to follow her. As the two walk with the hostess to the selected table Renee puts her arm around Maxine and they both smile before they sit. They sit across from each other in a booth that has drink menus on the table. They appear happy to see each other.
RENEE
I’m glad you could make it. I wasn’t sure you would accept my invitation.
MAXINE
I started not too…
A SERVER comes to the table interrupting Maxine.
SERVER
Here are the food Menus. I’ll be back shortly to take your orders.
MAXINE
But seeing that you are still my daughter’s God mother…Why did you choose this NO star place to meet?
RENEE
It’s close to both of us and I like the food AND because you haven’t let me see Kayden lately.
Maxine studies the menu, then looks up.
MAXINE
You’re good friends with Sarah…she can’t be trusted to hold water. You are the only one who knows that Jack is really not Kayden’s father. Did you tell anyone? I can’t stand her.
A bust Boy brings water to the table.
<br clear=”all”>
2.
RENEE
I kept trying to tell you, you shouldn’t have been sleeping with so many dudes in high school. I was always concerned about my reputation and my grades ‘cause I wanted a scholarship to, to anywhere really.
MAXINE
You still trying to pretend you are on a high horse huh? You didn’t answer my question Miss goody two shoes. You slept with as many guys as me. I forgave you for sleeping with Bob when you knew I liked him.
RENEE
You got me back for that when you pretended to help me with my Algebra homework and you got me a Fail.
Maxine takes a sip of water before she answers.
MAXINE
I was really into Bob, but he dumped me for Becky Fuller after 2 months.
Renee tries not to laugh, but has a slight smile.
RENEE
Serves your ass right…I saw them at a football game, they have a kid now.
MAXINE
Pour salt in the wound bitch.
The Server returns to their table.
SERVER
Did you see anything you like? I’m ready if your are.
She looks at Maxine first.
MAXINE
I’ll have a Martini. No food.
Renee frowns then speaks quickly.
<br clear=”all”>
3.
RENEE
I’ll have Scrimp Scampi and a Martini. Can I have two olives?
SERVER
Yes. Thank you.
The Servers jots down the order and briskly walks away.
MAXINE
Are you sure you did not tell anyone? All of a sudden JAKE is asking for a DNA test.
Renee looks out the window first, then turns back swallowing hard.
RENEE
Jake’s mother does my taxes and I ran into her in Walmart last Sunday. She kept saying that Kayden didn’t look anything at all like her son. She said she was going to call the Maury Povich show. I tried to talk her out of it. But she was firm. She accused me of knowing who the real father was because we are so close. She threatened me to report me to IRS for using my cousin’s kid who’s on welfare for a deduction.
The Server brings their orders and places them on the table. Maxine’s face is red with anger. The Server notices and walks away quickly.
MAXINE
Fuck! I hate you! Your devious ass will pay for this. I’m going to call IRS on you Bitch!
Maxine stands up and takes a sip of the Martini.
MAXINE (CONT’D)
I’m not going on Maury; I’ll lose my child support!
Renee looks calm and directly at her.
RENEE
I wish you would. My cell phone is out here for a reason… I hope you and I can mend fences and go to the high school re-union together.
<br clear=”all”>
4.
MAXINE
Hell no! And you get the bill, bye Felicia!
She storms out. Renee clicks the record button to “off’ on her cell phone and begins to eat.
END of Scene.
Rewrite#2 where I gave Maxine the trait of jealousy:
INT. RED LOBSTER FOYER – DAY
It’s lunch time and bustling with the noise of a lunch time crowd. Seafood smells fill the air.
RENEE WILLIS, 23, a tall brunette with a vibrant personality awaits MAXINE WILLIAMS in the lobby. Maxine also 23, snobbish, blond with piercing blue eyes walks in and looks at Renee. They both stand.
The HOSTESS, a cute African American, 18, signals for them to follow her. As the two walk with the hostess to the selected table Renee puts her arm around Maxine and they both smile before they sit. They sit across from each other in a booth that has drink menus on the table. They appear happy to see each other.
RENEE
I’m glad you could make it. I wasn’t sure you would accept my invitation.
MAXINE
I started not too…
A SERVER comes to the table interrupting Maxine.
SERVER
Here are the food Menus. I’ll be back shortly to take your orders.
MAXINE
But seeing that you are still my daughter’s God mother…Why did you choose this NO star place to meet?
RENEE
It’s close to both of us and I like the food AND because you haven’t let me see Kayden lately.
Maxine studies the menu, then looks up.
MAXINE
You’re good friends with Sarah…she can’t be trusted to hold water. You are the only one who knows that Jack is really not Kayden’s father. Did you tell anyone? I can’t stand her.
A bust Boy brings water to the table.
<br clear=”all”>
2.
RENEE
I kept trying to tell you, you shouldn’t have been sleeping with so many dudes in high school. I was always concerned about my reputation and my grades ‘cause I wanted a scholarship to, to anywhere really.
MAXINE
You still trying to pretend you are on a high horse huh? You didn’t answer my question Miss goody two shoes. You slept with as many guys as me. I forgave you for sleeping with Bob when you knew I liked him. I wanted to be the one that he chose for prom, not you. *(jealousy)
RENEE
You got me back for that when you pretended to help me with my Algebra homework and you got me a Fail.
Maxine takes a sip of water before she answers.
MAXINE
I was really into Bob, but he dumped me for Becky Fuller after 2 months.
Renee tries not to laugh, but has a slight smile.
RENEE
Serves your ass right…I saw them at a football game, they have a kid now.
MAXINE
Pour salt in the wound bitch.
The Server returns to their table.
SERVER
Did you see anything you like? I’m ready if you are.
She looks at Maxine first pauses then she looks to Renee.
MAXINE
I’ll have a Martini. No food.
Renee frowns then speaks quickly.
<br clear=”all”>
3.
RENEE
I’ll have Scrimp Scampi and a Martini. Can I have two olives?
SERVER
Yes. Thank you.
The Servers jots down the order and briskly walks away.
MAXINE
Are you sure you did not tell anyone? All of a sudden JAKE is asking for a DNA test.
Renee looks out the window first, then turns back swallowing hard.
RENEE
Jake’s mother does my taxes and I ran into her in Walmart last Sunday. She kept saying that Kayden didn’t look anything at all like her son. She said she was going to call the Maury Povich show. I tried to talk her out of it. But she was firm. She accused me of knowing who the real father was because we are so close. She threatened me to report me to IRS for using my cousin’s kid who’s on welfare for a deduction.
The Server brings their orders and places them on the table. Maxine’s face is red with anger. The Server notices and walks away quickly.
MAXINE
Fuck! I hate you! Your devious ass will pay for this. I’m going to call IRS on you myself Bitch!
Maxine stands up and takes a sip of the Martini.
MAXINE (CONT’D)
I’m not going on Maury; I’ll lose my child support!
Renee looks calm and directly at her.
RENEE
I wish you would. My cell phone is out here for a reason… I hope you and I can mend fences and go to the high school re-union together.
<br clear=”all”>
4.
MAXINE
Hell no! And you get the bill, bye Felicia!
She storms out. Renee clicks the record button to “off’ on her cell phone and begins to eat.
END of Scene.
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Re-write QE Cycle 3 Nancy and Squire
INT. ONE WEST BANK CONFERENCE ROOM- DAY
SQUIRE TABIBIAN, an Armenian perky 23 year old whistles to himself as he removes promotional items from the cabinets and puts them into boxes. There are many packed boxes all over the room.
NANCY (O.S.)
SQUIRE, you have a customer.
SQUIRE, ignores NANCY. And mumbles under his breath.
SQUIRE
(Mumbling under his breath)
Get your fat ass up and help her.
NANCY
(louder) SQUIRE!
SQUIRE pauses a beat, rolls his eyes upward, leaves the conference room and walks to his teller station.
INT. ONE WEST BANK- TELLER STATION
NANCY DIAZ, 28, Filipino is packing a about 30 COVID pounds, frowns at Squire and points to his teller window. She was recently promoted to Assistant Manager and was there when SQUIRE was transferred in from another location. She hates him because of his upbeat attitude and customers like him more than her.
The branch rarely has customers because signs indicate that the branch is closing in a couple of days. There are filled boxes behind each new account desk. All promotional posters have been removed leaving bare walls. A new accounts person sits in the lobby, NADIA SMALL, 35, blond and well dressed watches the customer as she is checking her watch.
ANGELICA ANDERSON, mid-thirties, short, dressed in a brown jogging suit stands at the teller
window.
SQUIRE walks up to his teller station with an admiring smile.
SQUIRE
Good morning Ms. Anderson. Wow your hair is so beautiful…I Always like to see your gorgeous face. What brings you in today?
Page 2.
ANGELICA
Thank you. I want to close my CD. I know it’s not in Grace but I need the money.
SQUIRE is looking closely at Angelica’s profile, then looks up.
SQUIRE
I can help you with this…may I see your ID.
Angelica looks resentful as she stares at SQUIRE. Then she looks over to Nancy with a summoning look. Squire is still smiling pleasantly.
ANGELICA
You know me! I’ve been a customer with this bank for over 5 years.
SQUIRE
Sorry, but it’s protocol. If I don’t, I could lose my job.
Nancy senses the tension and looks up, but doesn’t move immediately.
ANGELICA
I’m not going to give you my ID. Give me my money!!!
Nancy gets up and walks to the teller station smiling. Squire stands there still looking peaceful.
NANCY
Hello Angelica, sure, sure, no problem.
Nancy takes over the transaction as Squire looks on. Nancy begins to chat up Angelica as she waits.
SQUIRE
Hey, Nancy, you should do this one at your desk.
Nancy ignores Squire as she attempts small talk with Angelica.
NANCY
How’s your father?
ANGELICA
His Alzheimer is at a critical stage. He fell and broke is leg.
(MORE)
Page 3.
ANGELICA (CONT’D)
But that’s not the worst part. In the hospital he hit a nurse and they had to restrain him to his
bed. Some how he developed Sepsis and is organs are failing.
Angelica checks her Apple Watch. She has a text.
ANGELICA (CONT’D)
I’m on my way to visit him now.
NANCY
I’m so sorry. How would you like your cash?
ANGELICA
I don’t care, just hurry this up. The hospital just texted me about my dad. He has already coded twice.
Angelica looks tearful. Nancy looks at Squire.
NANCY
(to Squire)
This is where you override the id requirement.
She counts Angelica’s cash before she places it on the counter. Squire still holds a poised and pleasant demeanor.
NANCY (CONT’D)
1, 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, One
thousand dollars and seventy-eight cents. Will there be anything else I can help you with?
Angelica takes the money and shoots Squire a mean look.
ANGELICA
No…I Mean… Yea. Git rid of this flirty self serving teller.
Squire’s eyes drop before he walks away from the teller station and into the conference room.
Angelica turns to walk out but before she reaches the door, she turns back.
ANGELICA (CONT’D)
And I’ll be back to close my checking and money market. I’m gonna tell my family to close theirs’s
too.
Nadia looks up.
Page 4.
NADIA
I’m sorry…I would like…to apolo…
Angelica dashes, out the door before Nadia can finish. Nancy goes to the conference room anxious to scold Squire.
INT. ONE WEST BANK – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Squire resumes packing boxes and whistling again. Nancy, irritated because he’s undaunted by the entitled customer’s behavior he has just experienced. Squire doesn’t look at Nancy as she speaks to him.
NANCY
I wont tolerate you arguing with customers…
SQUIRE
It wasn’t an argument. I was doing my job the way I was told in training. They told us you must document the ID.
NANCY
I don’t care what they told you. I’m your boss. Now we are going to lose over 500K because of your stupid ass. I hope you get fired for not charging the penalty too.
Squire looks Nancy squarely in the eyes now.
SQUIRE
You overrode the penalty and the ID? When the hammer drops, I’ll make sure they know you did this transaction at my station under my number in stead of yours. I know you did that just to get me fired. I need my job.
NANCY
Yep! I can’t stand you. Always whistling and happy with out a frickin’ care in the world.
Squire ponders a lie for Nancy to swallow.
Page 5.
SQUIRE
I have problems Nancy, I just don’t take them out on others or bring them to work…..My Uncle has stage 4 cancer and the whole family is trying to pull enough money together to take him on his dream vacation. I don’t have money to give ‘cause I just bought a new car.
NANCY
Oh. I did not know about your Uncle. I’d like to help you set up a GO FUND ME page if that’s okay with you?
Squire looks like he has just struct gold. His eyes widen.
SQUIRE
Yea, Yea. Let’s get started on it right away. What about now.
Squire opens the conference room computer to the GO FUND ME SITE. They both sit down.
End of Scene.
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Lesson 14 – Nadine Weathersby QE Cycle #3
Logline: Nancy and Squire hate and distrust each other but they work together and have a packing deadline to meet.
Essence: Nancy doesn’t like Squire’s happy go lucky spirit. She knows the rules but finds an opportunity to get him canned.
**SCENE: The Brentwood One West Bank is closing in a couple of days. Squire is transferred there to help Nancy pack up the branch. They are tasked with packing everything for the maintenance staff to come and pick up. A demanding entitled customer comes in and yelling at Squire. Nancy sets Squire up for an audit failure and potential loss of his job. Squire lets Nancy help the customer to avoid the conflict and resumes his packing. Nancy confronts Squire and admits what she’s done to compromise his position.
And Now…
SITUATION: These two people don’t trust each other and it’s revealed when a customer comes into the branch.
SCENE ARC: The customer has threatened to remove all of her and her family’s money which will result in a loss of over 200k, and the none documentation of the ID plus the waiver of CD penalty could cause possible disciplinary action for both of them.
Nancy Traits: Confrontational, stubborn, scheming, caring
Squire Traits: Evasive, Selfish, Happy-go-lucky, seductive.
End of scene description
Here’s the Scene:
**
INT. ONE WEST BANK CONFERENCE ROOM- DAY
SQUIRE TABIBIAN, an Armenian perky 23-year-old whistles to himself as he removes promotional items from the cabinets and puts them into boxes. There are many packed boxes all over the room.
NANCY (O.S.)
SQUIRE, you have a customer.
SQUIRE, ignores NANCY. And mumbles under his breath.
SQUIRE
(Mumbling)
Get your fat ass up and help her.
NANCY
(louder) SQUIRE!
SQUIRE pauses a beat, rolls his eyes upward, leaves the conference room and walks to his teller station.
INT. ONE WEST BANK- TELLER STATION
NANCY DIAZ, 28, Pilipino is packing a about 30 COVID pounds, frowns at Squire and points to his teller window. She was recently promoted to Assistant Manager and was there when SQUIRE was transferred in from another location. She hates him because of his upbeat attitude and because customers like him more than her.
The branch rarely has customers because signs indicate that the branch is closing in a couple of days. There are filled boxes behind each new account desk. All promotional posters have been removed leaving bare walls. A new accounts person sits in the lobby, NADIA SMALL, 35, blond and well-dressed watches the customer as she is checking her watch.
ANGELICA ANDERSON, mid-thirties, short, dressed in a brown jogging suit stands at the teller window.
SQUIRE walks up to his teller station with an admiring smile.
SQUIRE
Good morning Ms. Anderson. Wow your hair is so beautiful…What brings you in today?
ANGELICA
Thank you. I want to close my CD. I know it’s not in Grace but I need the money.
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2.
SQUIRE is looking closely at Angelica’s profile, then looks up.
SQUIRE
I can help you with this…may I see your ID.
Angelica looks resentful as she stares at SQUIRE. Then she looks over to Nancy with a summoning look. Squire is still smiling pleasantly.
ANGELICA
You know me! I’ve been a customer with this bank for over 5 years.
SQUIRE
Sorry, but it’s protocol. If I don’t, I could lose my job.
Nancy senses the tension and looks up, but doesn’t move.
ANGELICA
I’m not going to give you my ID. Give me my money!!!
Nancy has a smart desk. She could do the transaction at her desk but chooses not to. She gets up and walks to Squire’s teller station smiling. Squire stands there still looking peaceful.
NANCY
Hello Angelica, sure, sure, no problem.
Nancy takes over the transaction as Squire looks on. Nancy begins to chat up Angelica as she waits.
NANCY (CONT’D)
How’s your father?
ANGELICA
His Alzheimer is at a critical stage. He fell and broke his leg. But that’s not the worst part. In the hospital he hit a nurse and they had to restrain him to his bed. Somehow, he developed Sepsis and is organs are failing.
Angelica checks her Apple Watch. She has a text.
ANGELICA (CONT’D)
I’m on my way to visit him now.
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3.
NANCY
I’m so sorry. How would you like your cash?
ANGELICA
I don’t care, just hurry this up. The hospital just texted me about my dad. He has already coded twice.
Angelica looks tearful. Nancy looks at Squire.
NANCY
(to Squire)
This is where you override the id requirement.
She counts Angelica’s cash before she places it on the counter. Squire still holds a poised and pleasant demeanor.
NANCY (CONT’D)
1, 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, One
thousand dollars and seventy-eight cents. Will there be anything else I can help you with?
Angelica takes the money and shoots Squire a mean look.
ANGELICA
No… I Mean… Yea. Git rid of this lazy self-serving teller.
Squire’s eyes drop before he walks away from the teller station and into the conference room. Angelica turns to walk out but before she reaches the door, she turns back.
ANGELICA (CONT’D)
And I’ll be back to close my checking and money market. I’m gonna tell my family to close theirs’s too.
Nadia looks up.
NADIA
I’m sorry…I would like…to apolo…
Angelica dashes, out the door before Nadia can finish. Nancy goes to the conference room to scold Squire.
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4.
INT. ONE WEST BANK – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Squire resumes packing boxes and whistling again. Nancy, irritated because he’s undaunted by the entitled customer’s behavior he has just experienced. Squire doesn’t look at Nancy as she speaks to him.
NANCY
I won’t tolerate you arguing with customers…
SQUIRE
It wasn’t an argument. I was doing my job the way I was told in training. They told us you must document the ID.
NANCY
I don’t care what they told you. I’m your boss. Now we are going to lose over 200K because of your stupid ass. I hope you get fired for not charging the penalty too.
Squire looks Nancy squarely in the eyes now.
SQUIRE
You overrode the penalty and the ID. When the hammer drops, I’ll make sure they know you did this transaction at my station under my number instead of yours. I know you did that just to get me fired. I need my job.
NANCY
Yep! I can’t stand you. Always whistling and happy without a frickin’ care in the world.
Squire ponders a lie for Nancy to swallow.
SQUIRE
I have problems Nancy; I just don’t take them out on others or bring them to work…. My Uncle has stage
4 cancer and the whole family is trying to pull enough money together to take him on a dream vacation. I don’t have money to give ‘cause I just bought a new car.
End of Scene
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Lesson 13 –Nadine Weathersby MAX INTEREST Part Two
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I must write the scenes to include some elements of interest techniques to hold my audience’s attention. In this scene I used dilemma, Anticipatory dialog, Creating a Future set of circumstances and Uncomfortable moments.
Essence: Rev. Jasper Daniels seeks to repair his relationship with Michael.
Logline: When Rev. Daniels goes to the Annual Baptist convention in L.A., he decides to visits his son Michael and is horrified at what he discovers.
INT. JASMINE’S ESTATE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Michael looks dejected and defeated as he lies in bed with Jasmine staring at the ceiling. Michael wears only his underwear under the silk sheets. Jasmine dons a sexy negligee.
MICHAEL
Oh, my aching feet…This week I’ve been asking myself if this is really what I want to do. I had doors shut in my face, appointments canceled, heard all kinds of excuses…
He rolls his eyes over to Jasmine.
MICHAEL
All I wanted was for someone to listen…
(pause)
Maybe in Atlanta…
Jasmine has a compassionate but firm expression of confidence as she interrupts.
JASMINE
You know, it’s easy to give up like a defeated dog, tucking his tail and scampering away from a fight. But a winner never quits, and a quitter never wins.
She sits up and looks right down at Michael as he sulks, absorbed in self-pity.
JASMINE
You have to be committed to get what you want out of life. I have often wondered whenever I see a bag man or woman, just how close they were to the next step on the rung of the ladder in their climb to success before they gave up…
(pause)
Besides, I’m working on some things for you.
Michael sits up with the sheet around his waist, and looks directly at Jasmine.
MICHAEL
(warmly)
I know that…and I’m grateful, it just seems that there is something else too that I should be doing.
JASMINE
Are you homesick?
MICHAEL
Well, not exactly, but I miss my friends. It feels like a part of me was left back.
Jasmine lies her head back down on the pillow and looks up at the ceiling.
JASMINE
Have you called her?
MICHAEL
No, I can’t…I mean…I ran out on her. I know she hates me now. We were once engaged.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
It was so abrupt the way I did it. (pause) I realize that now. It’s just that I had to get out…to see clearly what I want.
JASMINE
Ah, so, you do want success singing secular music?
MICHAEL
I guess I’m just tired. I need some rest.
Michael lies his head back down on the pillow.
JASMINE
Or maybe some TLC…Me.
Jasmine snuggles close to him. Michael puts his arm around her and they kiss long and hard, until the doorbell rings. Jasmine breaks the kiss.
JASMINE
(to herself) Who could that be?
Jasmine slips out of bed and into a silk robe.
EXT. JASMINE’S ESTATE – HOLLYWOOD – NIGHT
A yellow cab with is parked, waiting while a gentleman waits at the door for an answer. Reverend Jasper Daniel’s stands at the door, smiling and in a good mood. Moments later, Jasmine opens the door.
Reverend Jasper Daniels has an apologetic look as he fumbles for a piece of paper. His big gold cross at the end of a chain twinkles in the light coming from inside.
REV. JASPER
I’m sorry, I must have the wrong address…let’s see here…I’m lookin’ for 2429 Jupiter Drive.
Jasmine nods affirmatively.
REV. JASPER
Oh, ah, is this Michael Daniel’s residence?
Michael opens the door wider. He wears only a short smoker’s type jacket.
MICHAEL
Who is it Jazz?
Reverend Jasper’s eyes fill with contempt.
MICHAEL
Dad!
(excitedly)
Come in. When did you get in LA?
Reverend Jasper shrieks and draws back as a Vampire would who has just been shown a cross. He looks down at Michael’s hairy legs, then to Jasmine with scorn.
REV. JASPER
LORD have mercy boy; do you know what you’re doing?
Michael’s voice grows angry and impatient.
MICHAEL
Father, with all due respect, I’m not a boy, don’t ever call me ‘boy’ again. I am a man and in control of my own life now.
Reverend Jasper Daniels looks hatefully at Jasmine.
REV. JASPER
Oh no you’re not! The devil has control of you. You’re a fornicator and sinner in the eyes of GOD. And this…this…
Michael moves Jasmine aside in a protective manner and steps outside quickly, almost closing the door behind him.
MICHAEL
Did you travel all this way to tell me that? I heard you preach many a Sunday’s, judge not lest ye be judged.
REV. JASPER
You’re a fool, for in Thessalonians 4:3 it says abstain from fornication.
MICHAEL
Can you ever have a conversation without quoting scripture…..Let me tell you something… (he moves closer to him) You’re real handy with spouting memorized scripture to control everybody. Since you want to go there… That same books says in Colossians, 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged’ (very assertively) You’re not going to control me. I’m going to follow the still small voice within me whether you like it or not!
Michael slams the door. Reverend Jasper Daniels huffs and puffs as he runs and jumps into his waiting cab.
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I must write the scenes to include some elements interest techniques to hold my audience’s attention. In this scene I used dilemma, Anticipatory dialog, Creating a Future set of circumstances and Uncomfortable moments.
In a previous scene, Michael’s mother Mrs. Daniels asked Rev. Jasper Daniel’s to visit Michael to begin the healing of their relationship. Rev. Daniels would not commit. She tries to call and Michael at his cousin’s home where she thinks he lives, to let him know his father would be in L.A., but she gets no answer. Creating a Future set of circumstances.
Rev. Jasper Daniels had decided to mend the relationship with his son, but gets the shock of his life seeing Michael living in “sin.” Uncomfortable moment.
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Lesson 12 – Nadine Weathersby -Challenging Situation
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that you can always finds more ways to demonstrate your character traits in the dialog and to improve on the challenges and the tension to keep the audience engaged.
ASSIGNMENT:
Scene 1: Mrs. Saterfield has to tell her ex. Husband about their daughter’s cancer.
Current Logline: Mrs. Saterfield needs to share some sad news with her Ex-husband.
Essence: Mrs. Saterfield wants to shift the blame on her ex.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Mrs. Saterfield’s anger causes her to get physical with her ex.
Quick summary of how I will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
I want to show more pent-up rage, hurt and fear by Mrs. Saterfield as she tries to blame their daughter’s sickness on him, she gets physical before they both realize that they must pull together to support their daughter.
EXT. AEROSPACE PLANT – ESTABLISHING SHOT – ATLANTA – DAY
INT. MR. SATERFIELD’S OFFICE – SAME DAY
Mr. BERNARD SATERFIELD, a distinguished mechanical engineer, answers his phone. His face saddens as he listens to Mrs. Saterfield. Momentarily, he speaks.
* (She is telling him that their daughter has cancer.)
MR. SATERFIELD
I’ll be right over.
INT. SATERFIELD HOME – LIVING ROOM – SAME DAY
Mrs. Saterfield paces the floor. Mr. Saterfield is seated listening.
MRS. SATERFIELD
And now, Chemotherapy, radiation, Oh GOD, it’s so frightening. I know it’s all the stress. You shouldn’t have walked out of her life like you did, and then Michael…
MR. SATERFIELD
Hold it Beverly! It was your drinking and jealous insults that drove me away.
MRS. SATERFIELD
(high strung)
I was lonely, you were never here. You practically lived at your job.
MR. SATERFIELD
I had to…to deal with the enormous debts you continued to pile up, and the liquor bills were staggering.
Mrs. Saterfield throws her arms in the air as she speaks.
MRS. SATERFIELD
You were cold and distant. I never felt loved.
MR. SATERFIELD
You never gave it. You were too busy surrounding yourself with things.
MRS. SATERFIELD
(almost screaming)
They seemed at times, warmer than you. They made me happy!
MR. SATERFIELD
(jumping to his feet)
That’s BS, Beverly, and you know it. You can’t find happiness in things! Nothing outside of you will bring you happiness. Happiness comes from within you.
Mrs. Saterfield knows she has heard something profound. She weakens and sobs openly.
MRS. SATERFIELD
And now this…my baby…LORD!
Mr. Saterfield breaks down crying. Mr. Saterfield puts his arm around her.
MR. SATERFIELD
Now let’s pull ourselves into the NOW, for Veronica’s sake.
Scene 2: Michael has been caught singing in a Night Club by his Preacher father.
Current Scene Logline: A new discovery creates a sad mood in the Daniel’s home.
Essence: There’s an elephant in the room based upon the previous night’s discovery.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: There is already physical conflict, so I can add more damaging dialog and some history of other Preacher’s kids becoming successful secular singers like Aretha Franklin.
Quick summary of how I will write the scene differently with the new challenge:
I will write in the argument of other Preacher’s kids like Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye’s Dad by Michael Daniels.
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that you can always finds more ways to demonstrate your character traits in the dialog and to improve on the challenges and the tension to keep the audience engaged.
INT. DANIELS HOME – KITCHEN – DAY
A tearful Mrs. Daniels sits at the breakfast table discussing Michael with Reverend Jasper Daniels and Rev Malichai. Reverend Jasper has obviously broken the news to everyone and they all look distraught.
REV. MALICHAI
I just can’t b’lieve Michael would let the devil use him this way.
REV. JASPER
I saw him with my own eyes…my own flesh and blood sangin’ in that God-awful place.
Michael enters in a vibrant mood singing and kisses his mother on the cheek before he sits.
MICHAEL
Good Morning, Mamma, Daddy, Gramps…
He bounces around until he notices that no one answered. He then tries to evaluate the sullen looks on their faces.
MICHAEL
(playfully)
What’s up? Somebody die?
Mrs. Daniels begins to sob openly. Reverend Jasper squints his eyes in anger.
REV. JASPER
(very hostile tone)
Where were you last night?
MICHAEL
Hanging out with my friends, Lee, Doc and Speedy.
REV. JASPER
I saw you at that club last night. Boy, and I didn’t like what I saw. What you was sangin’, it was trash.
Michael listens intently.
REV. MALICHAI
No DANIELS ever took to sangin’ blues or rock n’ roll, son. We always been religious. We been Ministers sangin’ for the LORD. We been a family of good stock. We a religious…
Michael cuts him off.
MICHAEL
What is religious? BIBLE toting, scripture gymnastics, condemning and judging others who don’t think like you? Stifling the life out of people with all these ‘can’t do this’ and ‘can’t do that’s.’ I don’t want to be about that. My music is my Ministry.
REV. JASPER
(sternly)
A Minister’s place is in the pulpit and that’s where you’re going to be! The nerve of you, who do you think you are?
REV. MALICHAI
Son, you need to repent.
Michael looks defiant.
MICHAEL
My voice is a God-given gift and I’m going to sing what I want.
MRS. DANIELS
Michael, please promise us you won’t waste yourself like that.
MICHAEL
No, Mother. That’s why too many young people have given up on their dreams of living fully. Their parents’ demands are not always what they want for themselves. They want a full life…they want to enjoy church, a party as well as a concert. Some like Gospel, some like Reggae, some like rap…
Reverend Jasper pounds his fist and yells.
REV. JASPER
I know you gon’ out yo’ mind now. That rap is crap! The devil’s cheap tricks to keep young people confused and out of the church.
REV. MALICHAI
Son, please listen to your father and repent.
MICHAEL
(to his father)
You are just too blind to see that they don’t go to the church because the church won’t grow with them. They’re sick and tires of being told that everything they do is a miserable sin. They feel worse when they come out than when they went in… I’m going to sing the songs I feel in my heart and no sanctimonious old…
Reverend Jasper jumps to his feet.
REV. JASPER
NO, hell you ain’t. No SON of mine is going to bring shame on the Daniels’ name.
Michael jumps to his feet in anger.
REV. JASPER
In this house you’ll do what I say.
MICHAEL
I don’t think so.
Reverend Jasper slaps Michael. Mrs. Daniels stands and gets between them as they yell at each other.
MICHAEL
Let’s forget I’m your son. I can change my name. Maybe I’ll call myself “Johnny Sin.” This is my life and it’s time I made my own decisions about it. I’m going to sing my songs whether you like it or not!
Reverend Jasper tries to reach for Michael, but Mrs. Daniels twists and turns to adjust her body to keep them apart.
Reverend Malichai is now on his feet praying under his breath.
REV. JASPER
You’ll burn in HELL, get the Hell out of my house. I hope I never lay eyes on you again.
Michael leaves in a huff. Reverend Malichai puts his arms around Mrs. Daniels’ as she sobs.
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Nadine Weathersby- Write this scene Robert and Trent
INT. IRIS PUB – ST. PATRICK’S DAY
ROBERT, a smooth talking 24-year-old stands a round table near the bar having a green beer. The pub is decorated with St. Patrick Four leaf clovers and pictures of Irish folklore. Many WOMEN and MEN and standing at round stand-alone tables with green table coverings drinking and talking loudly. St. Patrick’s Day celebration is in high gear, many are visibly tipsy.
Robert takes a sip of his beer, pauses noticing someone seated at the bar. He does a double take craning his neck to get a better look. His expression changes to concern as he gets up and moves closer to the bar. He approaches a man who’s back is to him.
ROBERT
Trent?
TRENT, 26, dressed meticulously in designer’s attire from head to toe, wears a fake Rolex which he checks before he looks back for the source of his name.
TRENT
(nervously)
Hey, what’s up?
Robert leans in.
ROBERT
Hey man, why have you been ghosting me?
TRENT
I’m not.
Trent checks his watch. His gold chain glistens in the dim room from the lights at the bar.
ROBERT
You know you still owe me for the medicine.
TRENT
I need some more of that man.
That was some good weed. Did you forget
you help me smoke that shit. I need that hook up.
Robert looks irritated.
ROBERT
I’m not giving you or that fat ass dude
that’s always hangin’ ’round you running
your errands and wiping your ass a damn thing.
Where’s my money?
Trent tries to lighten the mood.
TRENT
Man chill. You and I can make some
coin together. Here’s the deal, you put up
the money for the product and I sell it doubling
our money. I got the contacts.
Robert takes a sip on his beer before he speaks.
ROBERT
Now why in hell would I want to partner with
your fake broke ass, you fuckin’ Ghost? You and
Jamie left me hangin.’ Speaking of Jamie.
I thought I saw you and Jamie at the movies
last week. But it was dark. King Kong and
Godzilla was no joke!
Trent’s face begins to show anger but he tries hard to conceal it.
TRENT
I ain’t been to no fuckin’ movie man.
Are you trying to start some shit?
The BARTENDER interrupts as he wipes down the bar.
BARTENDER
Can I get you two another round?
TRENT
(to the bartender) Yea, on him.
ROBERT
(to Trent)
No. No. Like I said, it was dark as hell and
I was so high…I few times I thought that
Ape was in the theater.
Trent looks like he’s about to explode and wrings his hands. He takes another sip of his drink and swallows hard. He looks all around the room. People are toasting, celebrating and there’s very little space for walking.
TRENT
Come on, follow me, there’s this rapper dude
I want you to meet. He’s got some good product
and is surrounded by pussy.
Robert throws Trent a curious look as he leaves the bar. Trent takes the lead as they walk to the rear of the Pub. Trent makes a sharp right into the men’s room. Robert follows with a silly grin on his face. As soon as they enter Trent whips around grimacing. His jaw is tight and his eyes look dark and cold.
INT. PUB MEN’S ROOM – DAY
Trent points his right finger in Robert’s face.
TRENT
You prick, you think I’m stupid. You know you didn’t see Jamie at the movies. She’s been visiting her mom in Ohio for 3 weeks.
Robert uses his left hand to move his hand down. When Robert moves his hand downward, Trent upper cuts him with his left hand. Robert’s head jolts backward first and then his body hits the wall. Robert, stunned for a second, gathers himself and lunges back at Trent as he throws some quick punches to Trent’s face. Trent grabs Robert around his torso, body slams him and they both fall to the bathroom floor. Trent climbs on top of Robert. Robert twists his body sideways and puts Trent in a leg lock. Trent squirms and twist until he gets Robert in a head lock. Robert tries to elbow Trent and reach around him throwing punches backwards. Momentarily, Robert passes out.
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Nadine Weathersby – Lesson 9 Critique Roger Nelson’s Scene of John and Nick
I am new a this. I feel that this was good, because it demonstrated the character traits of each character.
When John line said: “I hope you paid your hotel bill. Old Nugget sure could use the money.”
I did not understand the tie in. I think I would have said,” I hope you have your will in order, your family will need the money.”
Further, I would have had Jessica say, “My father used to beat me and touch me.”
-
INT. IRIS PUB – ST. PATRICK’S DAY
ROBERT, a smooth talking 24-year-old stands a round table near the bar having a green beer. The pub is decorated with St. Patrick Four leaf clovers and pictures of Irish folklore. Many WOMEN and MEN and standing at round stand-alone tables with green table coverings drinking and talking loudly. St. Patrick’s Day celebration is in high gear, many are visibly tipsy.
Robert takes a sip of his beer, pauses noticing someone seated at the bar. He does a double take craning his neck to get a better look. His expression changes to concern as he gets up and moves closer to the bar. He approaches a man who’s back is to him.
ROBERT
Trent?
TRENT, 26, dressed meticulously in designer’s attire from head to toe, wears a fake Rolex which he checks before he looks back for the source of his name.
TRENT
(nervously)
Hey, what’s up?
Robert leans in.
ROBERT
Hey man, why have you been ghosting me?
TRENT
I’m not.
Trent checks his watch. His gold chain glistens in the dim room from the lights at the bar.
ROBERT
You know you still owe me for the medicine.
TRENT
I need some more of that man.
That was some good weed. Did you forget
you help me smoke that shit. I need that hook up.
Robert looks irritated.
ROBERT
I’m not giving you or that fat ass dude
that’s always hangin’ ’round you running
your errands and wiping your ass a damn thing.
Where’s my money?
Trent tries to lighten the mood.
TRENT
Man chill. You and I can make some
coin together. Here’s the deal, you put up
the money for the product and I sell it doubling
our money. I got the contacts.
Robert takes a sip on his beer before he speaks.
ROBERT
Now why in hell would I want to partner with
your fake broke ass, you fuckin’ Ghost? You and
Jamie left me hangin.’ Speaking of Jamie.
I thought I saw you and Jamie at the movies
last week. But it was dark. King Kong and
Godzilla was no joke!
Trent’s face begins to show anger but he tries hard to conceal it.
TRENT
I ain’t been to no fuckin’ movie man.
Are you trying to start some shit?
The BARTENDER interrupts as he wipes down the bar.
BARTENDER
Can I get you two another round?
TRENT
(to the bartender) Yea, on him.
ROBERT
(to Trent)
No. No. Like I said, it was dark as hell and
I was so high…I few times I thought that
Ape was in the theater.
Trent looks like he’s about to explode and wrings his hands. He takes another sip of his drink and swallows hard. He looks all around the room. People are toasting, celebrating and there’s very little space for walking.
TRENT
Come on, follow me, there’s this rapper dude
I want you to meet. He’s got some good product
and is surrounded by pussy.
Robert throws Trent a curious look as he leaves the bar. Trent takes the lead as they walk to the rear of the Pub. Trent makes a sharp right into the men’s room. Robert follows with a silly grin on his face. As soon as they enter Trent whips around grimacing. His jaw is tight and his eyes look dark and cold.
INT. PUB MEN’S ROOM – DAY
Trent points his right finger in Robert’s face.
TRENT
You prick, you think I’m stupid. You know you didn’t see Jamie at the movies. She’s been visiting her mom in Ohio for 3 weeks.
Robert uses his left hand to move his hand down. When Robert moves his hand downward, Trent upper cuts him with his left hand. Robert’s head jolts backward first and then his body hits the wall. Robert, stunned for a second, gathers himself and lunges back at Trent as he throws some quick punches to Trent’s face. Trent grabs Robert around his torso, body slams him and they both fall to the bathroom floor. Trent climbs on top of Robert. Robert twists his body sideways and puts Trent in a leg lock. Trent squirms and twist until he gets Robert in a head lock. Robert tries to elbow Trent and reach around him throwing punches backwards. Momentarily, Robert passes out.
-
I found this e-mail in my spam
I hope this is day 7, this is where I am:
Lesson 8 – QE Cycle 2 – Writ this Scene Nick and John
Log line: Nick is remorseful about his behaviors and is looking for his girl friend to apologize.
Essence: Nick is seeking forgiveness for his abusive behavior with John’s Sister Susan.
Scene: Nick does a surprise visit to John, Susan’s brother And Now:
EXT. FRONT DOOR – JOHN’S HOME – DAY
NICK, a dark-haired, confident 28 year old with visible
facial tattoos stands holding a small tray with two cups of
coffee in his left hand and knocking with the other hand.
Nick waits impatiently for someone to answer.
After three knocks, JOHN, 30 with bright blue eyes and a
blond mullet opens the door looking irritated.
JOHN
Hey Man, it’s too early to be on my
door…This better be important.
NICK
Yea…Can I come in?
Nick offers up a cup of coffee. John looks suspiciously at
Nick first then hesitantly takes the cup of coffee.
JOHN
You must want something. You never
visit me. What is it, be brief.
John leans forward looking out into the yard for others.
JOHN (CONT’D)
I was up late and need to get back
to my sleep. Dude, what’s up?
NICK
It wont take long, can I come in?
John doesn’t speak but gestures with his head to come in.
INT. JOHN’S LIVING ROOM FOYER – DAY
Nick walks confidently inside looking all around for
something. He eyes a pink woman’s sweater on the back of a
dinning room chair.
NICK
Thanks.
Nick eyes dart back to John.
NICK (CONT’D)
I was in the neighborhood… I love
what you’ve done to the place.
JOHN
That’s some bullshit…
2.
NICK
No man, the last time I was here
with Susan, you didn’t have any
furniture.
JOHN
It could use some female touches,
but I can live without female
drama.
NICK
Do you mind if I sit?
JOHN
I prefer you stand. I need to get
back to my sleep.
John and Nick stand in the foyer about 5 feet apart. Nick
looks again at the pink sweater on the dining room chair.
NICK
Is Susan here?
John wrinkles his forehead.
JOHN
NO! Why would you think my sister
is here?
Nick tries to look poised.
NICK
Do you know where she is?
John looks distrustful but remains calm.
JOHN
Why, don’t you know, she’s your
woman.
NICK
Yea, I know, but we had a little
riff. And she bolted. She was
upset. We argued. I was only out
with the fellas. She’s always
tries to keep me from hangin’ with
my Boys.
JOHN
Then maybe she just needs sometime
to cool off. When did this happen?
Nick pauses before he answers and looks at the pink sweater.
He moves closer to John.
3.
NICK
She’s been here hasn’t she?
John steps back.
JOHN
NO. And if she wanted you to know
where she was then she would tell
you.
NICK
John, please, I want to surprise
her. See I already bought the
ring.
Nick walks to coffee table, puts down his coffee cup and
pulls small blue ring box out of his jacket pocket. He flips
the lid open. John raises his eyebrows.
NICK (CONT’D)
I love Sue…We are pregnant.
John looks surprised.
JOHN
She didn’t tell me. Let me text
her.
John takes a sip of the coffee and then puts the cup on the
foyer table. He pulls his phone from his back pocket and
begins to text his sister SUSAN. The cell phone shows the
text.
JOHN’S CELL PHONE TEXT
John: “Hey, where are you, Nick is
here.”
Nick looks nervous.
The cell phone text shows the three dots as John waits for
the reply.
JOHN’S CELL PHONE TEXT (CONT’D)
Susan: “…Oh no, I can’t tell you.
I left Nick. It’s over.”
John looks up at Nick who’s now pacing the floor.
JOHN
She wont tell me Nick. What the
hell happened?
Nick is angry, but tries not to show it.
4.
NICK
FUCK! We just had a spat. It
wasn’t that serious. I told her I
was not going to stop drinking with
my boys…
JOHN
You better tell me…
John’s cell phone pings. He looks away from Nick at the
message and his face turns red with anger.
JOHN’S CELL PHONE TEXT
Susan: “Brother, I’m pregnant, and
he hit me. (a sad emoji) I’m done.”
JOHN
Oh, hell no! Did you put hands on
my sister?! TELL ME, did you?
NICK
Well, uh I sorta, uh pushed her…
John lunges at Nick grabbing him around his throat. Nick
tries to talk but can barely utter.
NICK (CONT’D)
You know she’s so dramatic…
Nick’s voice trails off as John tightens his grip. Nick back
kicks at John until they both lose balance. The wrestle and
fist fight breaking up furniture. John reaches for a heavy
vase and crashes it Nick’s head. Nick passes out from the
blow.
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I just read the part where it says look for a “Partner UP Here for Feedback” forum. It’s suppose to be up.
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I have no e-mail or have I ever in my last classes. This system needs some tweaking. Thanks for your number. I’m busy on Friday nights. Assignment 2 was, “Once you’ve posted your assignment, partner up and critique at least one other person’s work.”
I guess we are planning this now, but I do we show it? would it be posting comments in Forum?
Help!!!
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Indeed. I’d love to exchange ideas and learn from you. My phone number is 213-610-6167