[Norene Smiley]

OPEN FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE – info@norenesmiley.com

THE MAW – VERSION 2

LOGLINE: When Archer and his family are threatened by acts of violence, he is forced to find the culprit and uncover the ancient secret of Jiggers Remorse, before it is too late.

THRILLER MAP – THE MAW:

IE – CAR ON COASTAL ROAD – CONTINUOUS

Troubled teen, Archer Quinn is driving on a winding road with his father Henry and sister Rowan to the small village of Jiggers Remorse. Archer is in a heated argument with his father, angry that he has been dragged away from the city for ‘quality family time’. Henry reminds him that he is still under court-ordered parental supervision. The Eco-Adventure Centre will be good for all of them. It has been hard since the death of their mother and visiting the place she was from can help them heal.

Rowan is silent, in a world of her own. She watches the ocean waves rolling in. The many large seals basking on rocks.

Suddenly, an on-coming car careens out of control and forces Henry to swerve. Their car slams to a halt, hanging half off the cliff.

Archer eases out of the car, pulling Rowan to safety. Henry’s door is jammed, forcing him to squeeze out through the back. Archer reaches through the window to grab his backpack when the car shifts and slides over the edge to crash on the rocks below, nearly taking Archer with it.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

A tow truck drops a disheveled Quinn family off in front of the Eco-Adventure Centre to be greeted by Gabby Taylor and her teenage daughter, Talulah. Archer says he didn’t understand a word the driver said to them. Gabby laughs and says the local dialect is as thick as mud, and thicker if you are a ‘come from away’.

Rowan befriends a shaggy dog that is sniffing around. Gabby complains that the strays running wild over the island are becoming an issue. The dog growls when Archer tries to push it away. Rowan insists on keeping the dog with her and Henry allows it. Rowan needs all the comfort she can get.

EXT – EQUIPMENT SHED – DAY

Archer and Talulah are untangling rope and sorting climbing equipment. They share frustrations living with single parents. Archer smells smoke and runs to the equipment shed. He tears open the door. Smoke billows out. FIRE! An explosion throws him back.

INT – LODGE – DAY

Archer is questioned by one RCMP officer while another inspects the remains of the shed with a volunteer firefighter. The fire is suspicious. Gabby puts ointment on Archer’s burned hands and wraps them up, calling him a hero. ‘I’m sure Archer had nothing to do with this.’ Coming off the phone to headquarters, the officer tells Archer he is going to need to talk with him again. Archer is paranoid that he will be blamed because of his past history.

INT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Gabby has big plans for her new business. She wants to bring prosperity to the area. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ She asks Henry to make a environmental report to support her application to have Resolute Island and the village of Jiggers Remorse declared a UNESCO natural world heritage site.

Henry agrees, but he has doubts about community buy in when Gabby admits there have been acts of violence at the Centre since she opened. Gabby shrugs it off. She knows the villagers will come around. She is very persuasive, as he knows. Archer realizes his dad has a past history with Gabby. What is it?

INT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

Gabby presents her plan for the UNESCO application to village council. Henry and the kids watch from the audience. The reception is cold and becomes heated as the villagers voice their concerns. When Cormac shouts Gabby down, calls her names and questions her integrity, Henry hustles them out of the hall before anyone gets hurt.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Gabby, Henry and kids arrive back at the Centre to find graffiti defacing the front entrance. Henry vows to go back to the village to have a word with them. This has to stop! Gabby calms him down. Fear of outside interference is deep-seated, but she hopes to convince the villagers to change.

EXT -ECO-ADVENTURE ENTRANCE – DAY

Archer and Talulah wash off the graffiti. He asks about local hostility and if she is afraid. Talulah admits the superstitions creep her out. Her mom thinks the eccentricities and local legends will be an attraction to tourists. Gabby is convinced the ‘backward bumpkins’ will be easy to manipulate once money pours into the area.

EXT – DECK – NIGHT

Archer, Rowan and Talulah are hanging out after supper watching stars through a telescope. They notice strange lights moving on the barrens. Archer wants to find out what is going on. Talulah warns of the dangers of barrens. People have disappeared in bog holes never to be seen again. There have been tales of wild beasts. When Rowan acts afraid, Archer gives up the idea of investigating, promising to check it out later.

(TURNING POINT 1)

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

When he is looking for a pen, Archer discovers a letter in a pocket of Henry’s briefcase. It is addressed to him and Rowan in his mother’s handwriting. He is in shock, then filled with rage. Why would his father have kept this from them?

Henry enters the bedroom when Archer is reading the letter. Archer accuses him of keeping secrets and worse. When Henry tries to defend himself, Archer will have none of it. ‘This letter sounds like a good-bye. Was mom leaving us when she died?’ Henry retreats. Archer vows to find out more about his mother.

IET – VILLAGE LIBRARY/ARCHIVES – CONTINUOUS – DAY

Archer and Rowan, followed by the dog, push their way through a crowd gathered on the street. A news team from the mainland are interviewing frightened tourists about strange happenings in Jiggers Remorse.

Archer and Rowan enter the library. Archer asks to see records of family histories, anything to do with Maeve Doyle. The library clerk misunderstands him. He is met with blank faces and turned backs.

Archer sees a sign for guided hikes but when he asks, no guides are available. A man bumps his shoulder, causing him to drop his bag, the contents spilling over the floor. When Archer crouches to pick up them up, the archivist, Oona, bends to help him. She suddenly grabs his wrist, running her gloved hands over ridged scarring on his fingers. What is this old woman doing? Archer pulls away, freaked out. When Oona agitatedly moves toward Rowan, Archer steps in the way to protect his sister. Mona mutters, ‘Sliocha nan ron. Sliocha nan ron.’ They rush out of the library.

EXT – CLIFF WALL, ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Archer and Henry are preparing to rock climb. When discuss where to start, Talulah pushes in front of them. She teases them, telling them to watch and see how it’s done. Halfway up the rock face, Talulah’s climbing rope slips, then slips again, and suddenly breaks. Talulah plummets to the ground.

At first Archer thinks she is dead. Then she opens her eyes and smiles. She says she is okay but she struggles to get up, blood trickling from a gash on her cheek. Henry inspects the rope. It’s been cut!

INT – DINING HALL – NIGHT

Gabby reports that Talulah has a slight concussion and some bruising, but she will live to drive her mother crazy another day. Gabby refuses to report the vandalism. Henry objects. Someone could get seriously hurt the next time. Gabby says she doesn’t want to get Archer in any more trouble than he already has.

INT – GROCERY STORE – DAY

Gabby casually lets slip that they have a delinquent in their midst. Watch out for the Quinn boy. He was arrested for stolen goods in St. John’s. He’s trouble. Oona comes along after Gabby exits the store, saying not to listen to ‘that one’.

EXT – CLIFF PATH – DAY

Archer and Rowan are hiking along a trail that skirts the cliff’s edge just as the sun is setting. The dog follows behind, never far from Rowan. Their attention is captured by the ocean vistas and the many seals sunning themselves on rocks below. Suddenly Archer plummets into a pit at the edge of the path. Rowan desperately tries to reach him but only ends up falling into the trap herself.

The dog frantically barks. Archer calls for help. They could be here for hours until someone misses them. Suddenly a huge shadow blocks out the light. The ominous Seamus Dromgoole, a local fisherman, stares down at them. He sets down his long coat and lantern and throws down a rope to pull them out. He warns them to stay out of trouble. To not go out after dark.

INT – PUB – NIGHT

Henry approaches Seamus and Cormac to persuade them to give Gabby’s idea a chance.

When Seamus tells him to pay more attention to his own family, to rein in his out-of-control son, Henry blows. He accuses the men of endangering people. They have no business setting traps where people hike. A pushing match breaks out. Oona stops it from getting out of control.

INT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Gabby says she heard in the village that a predator is roaming around. Pets have gone missing. Rowan is worried about the dog. Gabby reassures her and distracts her with stories of growing up in the village. Gabby and Rowan’s mother, Maeve, were the best of friends. ‘She was the most stunning creature. No one could resist her. You look a lot like her, Rowan.’

Archer and Talulah are drawn in. Gabby tells tales of adventures and explorations, including the limestone caves called The Maw. There has always been rumours of smuggled treasure hidden in the caves. She shares the location of a hidden path down to the beach. Gabby shows them a broach she found when she was a girl and speculated that there is probably more to be discovered.

EXT – LIMESTONE CAVES – DAY

Archer, Talulah and Rowan descend the path to the beach outside the caves. They have come prepared with flashlights and ropes, ready to explore inside the biggest cave. They discover remnants of wooden chests, tattered cloth and piece of animal hide at the back of the cave. There is evidence of a fire. The kids are so engrossed that they fail to notice the rising tide. They are cut off from the path and will soon be in danger of drowning if they don’t get out of there.

Archer puts Rowan on his back to wade through the seawater. They use the ropes to help them scale the cliff face. Rowan is frantic worrying about the dog. It eventually swims through the crashing waves and scrambles up what is left of the path.

(MIDPOINT)

INT – KITCHEN – DAY

Archer is making pancakes for himself and Rowan, but she brushes him off saying she has already eaten. She is off to the village with Gabby and Henry. Gabby fusses over Rowan, treating her more like a daughter than she does her own daughter.

Archer exchanges a look with Talulah. Rowan has been avoiding him. She blames him for the near miss in the caves. Henry certainly does. All hell broke loose when they had dragged themselves back to the Centre. Henry had served notice. One more irresponsible act and he was looking at banishment to a boarding school. ‘I can’t trust you Archer.’

Archer plunks a stack of pancakes in front of Talulah. Talulah tells him not to worry. Gabby does this. She’s just happy her mom is lavishing her attention on someone else. And Rowan will come around. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ But Archer knows he should have taken better care. If anything had happened to Rowan after all they’ve been through… Archer resents how Gabby seems to have replaced him in Rowan’s affections.

Gabby pops her head in the door. She tosses a book on the table. She thinks Archer might find it interesting. “Arcane Traditions and Legends of Newfoundland & Labrador.”

EXT – PARKING LOT – DAY

Gabby and Rowan are loading groceries into the car when Seamus charges over. He’s all worked up and looms over Gabby. Groceries spill on the ground. He shouts that she is going to destroy the village. She is a charlatan, and he has proof. If she doesn’t stop she’ll be sorry! Rowan cowers behind Gabby. Henry runs up to intercede. Seamus stomps away, saying she won’t get away with this again.

Henry supports Gabby in her distress. She says she’s okay and puts on a brave front. Henry asks about what Seamus was referring to and Gabby dismisses it. Seamus and the others have always had it in for her. They haven’t forgiven her for leaving the community and making something of herself.

INT – CAR – DAY

Gabby ‘didn’t want to say anything’ but warns Henry that Archer seems to be developing an unhealthy interest in the the occult. He is asking about local superstitions.

INT – OFFICE – DAY

Archer is helping Talulah file paperwork for the Eco-Adventure Centre. They talk about things he has read in the book Gabby gave him. How the stories of Selkies are interesting but just sound too far out there, like fairy tales. Talulah finds business permits that have not been mailed. Letters from the insurance company. She thought her mom had taken care of this. She seals the envelopes and plans to mail them in the village.

EXT – VILLAGE – DAY

Talulah pops the letters in the post office. They walk along the village street, joking around about seals taking over the island, trying to ignore the pointed stares from locals. Talulah suggests they drop in on Oona at the library. Archer, remembering his last visit, is reluctant, but Talulah says, it’s fine. She comes here all the time. ‘But don’t tell my mother.’

INT – LIBRARY – DAY

Oona greets Talulah warmly. Talulah reveals Oona is her grandmother. Talulah asks about Selkies and if the locals really believe the tales. Oona removes the cotton gloves she wears to handle rare documents, revealing old scarring. Archer realizes they are like his.

Oona tells them that a number of the villagers are descendants of Selkies. – sliocha nan ron. The ridges on their hands are scars where webs were removed as infants. It is part of a yearly ceremony on Midsummers Eve, a rite that reaffirms the pact between the village and the Selkies, to protect this ancient meeting place.

Archer finds this hard to believe. Oona seems convincing, but she has to be delusional. His mother couldn’t have been a Selkie. That’s just crazy. But some references his mother made in her letter nag at him. Does his father know all this about the Selkies? I this another secret he is keeping?

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Archer is gathering an armful of firewood. Screeches shatter the night, startling him. What the heck is that? He hears a large animal in the brush nearby. He drops the logs and rushes inside.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

A journalist and TV camera crew are interviewing villagers about a recent death in the area. A hiker was discovered washed up by the causeway to the island. There are stories of a dangerous predator in the area. People are worried and voices are raised. Seamus denies the stories. He admits the terrain is not for the faint of heart, what with the rugged coastline, the treacherous barrens, fog, the dangerous undertows, and the unpredictable weather. Anything could have caused the death. He wouldn’t recommend the area for an inexperienced traveler. But a predator? Unlikely. But you never know…

The wind whips up. Seamus lifts his face to the skies. There is a big blow coming. A Nor’easter. He warns the newsmen to return to the mainland while they can.

INT – LODGE – NIGHT

The storm is picking up speed outside. Gabby takes advantage of Henry’s protective nature. When the kids are watching a movie in the dining hall, she slips something into Henry’s drink. When he passes out, she makes it look like they have been intimate. Archer and Talulah discover them. Gabby accuses Henry of attacking her and Henry is too dazed and stumbling to know any different.

Gabby is distraught, Talulah tries to comfort her mother. Archer is outraged, pushing his father to the floor. Gabby confesses that Talulah is Henry’s daughter.

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Gale-force winds and high tides cause the cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Centre. The Taylors and the Quinns are forced to evacuate, dodging past downed power poles and flooded roads. They take refuge with Oona in the village.

INT – OONA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Everyone is uncomfortable with this arrangement. Everyone is angry and making accusations. Henry asks why Gabby had never told him about Talulah. Gabby retaliates saying he was so enamoured with Maeve that he couldn’t see anyone else. Accuses him of taking Maeve away. Archer and Talulah tip toe around each other.

As the storm rages, tension builds until there is a confrontation between Gabby and Oona. The story comes out about Gabby endangering the secret of the Selkies as a youth. She told an outsider. The outsider was Henry! The villagers, including her mother, shunned her. Gabby has never forgiven her mother for not standing up for her.

Oona gives Archer and Rowan amulets for their safety.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. When he passes Henry in the hall, he hesitates but he doesn’t tell his father.

INT- OONA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Henry, Archer, Rowan and Talulah are having lunch. Oona is making bread.

News comes on the radio: ‘The worst storm in thirty years is not letting up, folks. The public is advised to shelter indoors. On other news: The village of Jiggers Remorse is the latest community in Atlantic Canada to apply for an UNESCO World Heritage designation. A report by marine biologist, Henry Quinn, supports the application, affirming it is important to protect the unique habitat and threatened species, like the hooded seals found in the area.’

When Gabby enters the kitchen, Henry questions how this information got to the media. His report wasn’t finalized. Gabby looks innocent, suggesting maybe he should ask Archer. When Archer tries to defend himself, saying it was Gabby, Henry stops him. ‘Enough! I’ve had it with all of you!’

(TURNING POINT 2)

INT – OONA’S SITTING ROOM – NIGHT

It is supper time and Rowan has disappeared. Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog. Maybe she went out to look for him. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone, even for the dog. Storms terrify Rowan.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – NIGHT

Villagers gather to organize search parties to look for Rowan. Some men are armed. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the hall, eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear. Who/what did this? It might be a sign. Something has been awakened.

Henry orders Archer to get his things packed. Henry is sending him back to the city. Archer is furious and worried about his sister. Something is terribly wrong here.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer is throwing his clothes in a duffle bag. Talulah arrives with news that the causeway has been damaged in the storm. No one can leave the island. Oona tries to call the police on the mainland but lines are down. Archer: ‘I’ve got to do something.’

EXT – VILLAGE/CLIFFS – CONTINUOUS

Archer and Talulah take off on their own through the storm to find Rowan. They hear far off shouting for Rowan, as they push through brambles and stumble through mud holes. They hear an animal thrashing and growling nearby. They run, narrowly avoiding falling tree branches.

They find Rowan’s stray dog, injured and whining at the top of the cliff above The Maw. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

(CLIMAX)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Archer and Talulah discover a wet and cold Rowan cowering in the cave. ‘Rowan, how did you get down here?’ She is too terrified to tell them anything.

They are trying to warm her up, when a frantic Gabby appears. ‘Thank god. I’ve been worried sick.’ Gabby is acting relieved ,but Archer notices she has a knife in her hand.

When Archer asks her what she is doing, Gabby grabs Rowan, threatening to hurt her if he doesn’t back up. She orders Talulah to tie Archer up.

Talulah does as she is told but leaves the rope loose.

Gabby is raving. She has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy The Maw. She would be happy if the whole damned village blew up with it.

Henry arrives with the search party. Gabby is cornered. No one makes a move, afraid of endangering Rowan. But Rowan struggles. The dog attacks Gabby. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is about to strike the dog with her knife, a voice calls to her.

Gabby turns to see Selkies emerging from the ocean, removing their seal skins. Maeve is one of them. Maeve is alive! She beckons to Gabby, inviting her to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, dropping the knife. ‘Maeve, you came back to me.’ Gabby follows Maeve into the water until they sink out of sight.

(RESOLUTION)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Seamus and the other villagers throw the explosives into the ocean.

Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah are watching the water.

Oona tells them about Gabby and Maeve: When they were children, Maeve visited the waters off The Maw every Midsummers Eve. Gabby was obsessed with her. A friendship grew. Everything was wonderful until Gabby stole Maeve’s seal skin, wanting to keep Maeve on land with her forever. But Maeve fell in love with a visiting student doing research that summer. Maeve chose him over Gabby. Gabby went sour after that. Vindictive. She told visitors about the Selkies, until the villagers put a stop to it. They put the warning on her. They told her to get out and never return.

But then she came back. ‘My heart is heavy for all the hurt Gabby has caused. But, I am thankful for this wonderful granddaughter she has brought me.’

Archer asks why Henry never told them about their mother. ‘It wasn’t my story to tell. And when Oona called and said she had found the seal skin, your mom had to make a hard decision. Stay with those she loved or return to her ocean home.’

‘A Selkie’s heart is ocean-bound. That’s the truth of it.’

Maeve appears one last time, lifts her hand, then disappears into the ocean.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Open to feedback: info@norenesmiley.com

THE MAW

LOGLINE: When Archer and his family are threatened by acts of violence, he is forced to find the culprit and uncover the ancient secret of Jiggers Remorse before it is too late.

THRILLER MAP VERSION 1 – THE MAW

EXT – COASTAL ROAD – DAY

Archer Quinn is driving on a winding road with his father Henry and sister Rowan to the small village of Jiggers Remorse in a remote area of Newfoundland. Archer is arguing with his father, angry that he has been dragged away from the city. He is going to miss his basketball tournament, all because his father thinks they need some ‘quality family time’.

Rowan is silent, in a world of her own. She watches the ocean waves rolling in. The many large seals basking on rocks.

Henry is trying to be positive, talking up how much fun they are going to have at an Eco-Adventure Survival Centre he has been invited to. And besides, he can’t very well leave Archer at home alone as he is still under a court-ordered probation period for past misdeeds. That means parental supervision whether he likes it or not. And Henry is the only parent he’s got. Archer complains that at least he could give him his cellphone back. Henry – Sorry Archer. Those are the rules.

Suddenly, an on-coming car careens out of control and forces Henry to swerve into rocks on the edge of the cliff. The other driver looks like he is going to come back to help but speeds up, leaving the scene of the accident. The car won’t start. Henry calls for a tow truck.

Archer eases out of the car, helping a crying Rowan to safety. Henry’s door is wedged against a rocky outcropping, forcing him to squeeze into the back seat to escape the car. Archer is leaning a window to grab his backpack when the car shifts. Henry only has a brief moment to pull Archer back before the car hurtles over the edge to crash in the ocean below.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

The tow truck drops a disheveled Quinn family off at the Eco-Adventure Centre to be greeted by Gabby Taylor and her teenage daughter, Talulah. They have lost most of their things but Gabby assures them they have clothes they can borrow for the week and there is a second-hand shop in the village.

Archer says he didn’t understand a word the driver said to them. Gabby laughs and says the local dialect is as thick as a mud hole on the barrens. “I think they keep it that way on purpose to keep visitors at bay.’

Gabby invites them over to picnic tables for lunch and to plan the activities for the week. Rowan is distracted by a wooly-looking dog sniffing around her pant leg. ‘Just push him away if he is bothering you Rowan’. Rowan sits down and shares her sandwich with the dog. ‘Rowan has a way with animals.’

EXT – EQUIPMENT SHED – DAY

Archer smells smoke and runs to the equipment shed. When he tears open the door, smoke billows out. He yells FIRE! He just has time to drag out a few cans of kerosene and motor oil before the heat gets too much. An explosion throws him back.

INT – ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Archer is being interrogated by one RCMP officer while another inspects the remains of the shed with a volunteer fireman. Gabby puts some ointment on his hands and wraps them up calling him a hero. She wished he had been around when the maple tree had fallen on her gazebo last week. it seems there have been a number of things go wrong at the Centre of late. Nothing Gabby can’t handle. ‘I’m sure Archer had nothing to do with this Frank.’

After a conversation on his phone, the officer decides Archer needs to come down to headquarters to continue the conversation. Archer realizes he knows about the charges against him. Archer had nothing to do with the fire and looks at Talulah, expecting her to speak up. They have been together all afternoon. She turns away.

INT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Gabby has big plans for her new business. Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors, other businesses. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ She asks Henry to make a environmental report to support her application to have Resolute Island and the village of Jiggers Remorse declared a UNESCO natural world heritage site.

Henry agrees to do the report, thinking it would be a coup for the area. But he wonders when Gabby says locals may be reluctant to change their way of life. Gabby hopes the villagers will come around. She is very persuasive, as he knows. Archer realizes his dad has a past history with Gabby.

Henry is won over by Gabby’s enthusiasm and determination. Archer and Rowan just look at each other. Henry is always talking about making more time with them but since his wife’s death he has buried himself in work to deal with eh pain. This is nothing new and part of the reason Archer is so angry.

INT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

Gabby presents her plan for the UNESCO application alongside Henry. The kids watch from the audience. The reception is cold and becomes heated as, one after the other, villagers get up and ask questions and voice their concerns. When Cormac shouts Gabby down, calls her names and questions her integrity, threatens her, Henry has to hustle her out of the hall before anyone gets hurt.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Gabby, Henry and kids arrive back to the Centre to find graffiti defacing the front entrance. Henry vows to go back to the village to have a word with them. This has to stop! Gabby calms him down, talking about the superstitions are deep-seated but she hoped to convince the villagers to see the benefits of opening up to the outside. She feels that all the eccentricities and legends will be an attraction to visitors.

EXT -ECO-ADVENTURE ENTRANCE – DAY

Archer and Talulah are washing off the graffiti. He is concerned about Gabby ignoring the threats from locals. Talulah says her mother believes the villagers are uneducated buffoons and will be easy to manipulate when they see money pouring into the area.

EXT – DECK – NIGHT

Archer, Rowan and Talulah are hanging out after supper watching stars though the telescope. They find common ground, both dealing with the frustration of single parents. They notice strange lights moving around on the barrens. Archer wants to sneak out and see what’s happening.

Talulah tells him about the warnings of the dangers of barrens. How people have disappeared in bog holes never to be seen again. Tales of wild beasts. A news team from the mainland have been nosing around after frightened tourists had reported strange happenings in Jiggers Remorse.

Rowan’s eyes are getting larger, her grip on Archer’s hand tighter. Archer gives up the idea of leaving her and turns on the porch light behind them. Just when they are about to give up and go in, a huge white owl swoops silently out of the darkness directly in front of them, veering off at the last minute. Archer and Talulah lurch back in shock. Rowan remains motionless staring out into the dark.

(TURNING POINT 1)

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer discovers two letters in a pocket of Henry’s briefcase when he is looking for a pen. They are addressed to him and Rowan. Archer realizes they are in his mother’s handwriting. He is in shock, then filled with rage. Why would his father have kept them from him?

Henry enters the bedroom when Archer is reading his letter. Archer accuses him of keeping secrets and worse. When Henry tries to defend himself, Archer will have done of it.

‘She’s from Jiggers Remorse? Is that why we are here? What is going on dad? Did you drive her away? Was she leaving you when she had the accident?’

Henry retreats. Archer vows to find out about his mother.

INT – VILLAGE LIBRARY/ARCHIVES – DAY

Archer and Rowan and dog enter library. Archer asks to see records of family histories. Anything to do with Maeve Doyle. Library clerk pretends to misunderstand him. He is met with blank faces and turned backs.

Archer tries to sign up for a guided hike but finds out there are no guides available. Another customer passes by, bumping his shoulder, causing him to drop his bag, the contents spilling over the floor.

When Archer crouches to pick up his things, the archivist Oona bends to help him. She reaches out, running her gloved hands over ridged scarring on his fingers. When she agitatedly moves to hold Rowan’s hands, Archer steps in the way to protect his sister.

“Sliocha nan ron. Sliocha nan ron.’ What is this old woman doing, saying?

EXT – CLIFF WALL, ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Talulah and Archer are preparing to rock climb. When Archer hesitates trying to decide how to start, Talulah pushes in front of him. She teases him, telling him to watch and see how it’s done. Half way up the rock face, Talulah’s climbing rope slips, then slips again and suddenly breaks, causing her to fall.

At first Archer thinks she is dead. Then she opens her eyes and smiles. She says she is okay but she struggles to get up, blood trickling from a gash on her cheek.

Gabby looks down from the top of the cliff. The rope had been cut!

INT – DINING HALL – NIGHT

Gabby reports that Talulah has a slight concussion and some bruising but she will live to drive her mother crazy another day. Gabby avoids reporting vandalism. Henry objects. Someone could get really hurt the next time. Gabby says she doesn’t want to get Archer in any more trouble than he already has.

IN – GROCERY STORE – DAY

Gabby slyly hints that they have a delinquent in their midst. Watch out for the Quinn boy. Got arrested for stolen goods in St. John’s. He’s trouble.

Oona comes along after Gabby exits the store saying not to listen to that one.

EXT – CLIFF PATH – DAY

Archer and Rowan hiking along a trail that skirts the cliff edge just as the sun is setting. The dog follows behind, never far from Rowan. Ocean vistas and the many many seals sunning themselves on rocks below have their attention. Suddenly Archer plummets into a pit at the edge of the path. Rowan desperately tries to reach him but only ends up falling into the trap herself.

The dog frantically barks. Archer calls for help. They could be here for hours until someone misses them. Suddenly a huge shadow blocks out the light. The ominous Seamus Dromgoole, a local fisherman, stares down at them. He sets down his long coat and lantern and throws down a rope to pull them out. Warns them to stay out of trouble. To not go out after dark.

INT – PUB – NIGHT

Henry approaches Seamus and Cormac to try to persuade them to give Gabby’s idea a chance.

When Seamus tells him to pay more attention to his own family, to rein in his out-of-control son, Henry blows. He accuses the men of endangering people. They had no business setting traps where people hike. A pushing match breaks out. Only Oona calling for order stops it from getting out of control.

INT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Gabby lets slip that there are warnings of a predator roaming around. Some pets have gone missing. Rowan is worried about the dog that has adopted her. Gabby reassures her and distracts her by stories of her mother growing up in the village. How Gabby and Maeve were the best of friends. ‘She was the most stunning creature. No one could resister her. You look a lot like her Rowan.’

Archer and Talulah join in. Gabby entertains them with stories of all the exploring the two girls used to do, including the limestone caves called The Maw. Of the hidden path down to the caves. Of smuggled treasure. Gabby shows them a broach that they found and speculated that there is probably more to be discovered.

EXT – LIMESTONE CAVES – DAY

Archer, Talulah and Rowan descending the path to the beach outside the caves. They have come prepared with flashlights and ropes, ready to explore inside the biggest cave. They discover remnants of chests spilling what looks like big pieces of cloth and an animal hide. There is evidence of a fire. The kids are so engrossed that they fail to notice the rising tide. They are cut off from the path and will soon be in danger of drowning if they don’t get out of there.

Archer has to put Rowan on his back to wade through water. They use the ropes to help them scale the cliff face. Rowan is frantic worrying about the dog. It eventually swims through the crashing waves and scrambles up what is left of the path.

(MIDPOINT)

INT – DINING HALL – DAY

Archer is making pancakes for himself and Rowan but she brushes him off saying she has already eaten. She is off to the village with Gabby and Henry. Gabby fusses over Rowan, treating her more like a daughter than she does her own daughter.

He exchanges a look with Talulah. Rowan has been avoiding him ever since the narrow escape from the caves. Like she blames him. Henry certainly does. All hell broke loose when they dragged themselves back. Henry had served notice. One more irresponsible act and he was looking at banishment to a boarding school.

Archer plunks a stack of pancakes in front of Talulah. Talulah tells him not to worry. Gabby does this. She’s just happy her mom is lavishing her attention on someone else. And Rowan will come around. ‘it wasn’t your fault.’ But Archer knows he should have taken better care. If anything had happened to Rowan after all they’ve been through… Archer can’t help himself from resenting how Gabby seems to have replaced him in Rowan’s affections.

Gabby pops her head in the door. She tosses a book on the table. Thought Archer might find it interesting. “Arcane Traditions and Legends of Newfoundland & Labrador.”

EXT – PARKING LOT – DAY

Gabby and Rowan are loading groceries into the car when Seamus charges over. he’s all worked up and looms over Gabby. Groceries spill on the ground. Shouting that she is going to destroy the village. She is a charlatan and he has proof. If she doesn’t stop she’ll be sorry! Rowan cowers behind Gabby. Henry runs up to intercede. Seamus stomps away saying she won’t get away with this again.

Henry supporting Gabby in her distress. She says she’s ok. Braving it out. Seamus and the others have always had it in for her. Henry asks about what Seamus was referring to and Gabby dismisses it. They haven’t forgiven her for leaving the community and making something of herself.

INT – CAR – DAY

Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult. Taken in by local superstitions.

INT – OFFICE – DAY

Archer is helping Talulah file paperwork for the Eco-Adventure Centre. Talking about things he has read in the book Gabby gave him. How the stories of Selkies are interesting but just sound like fairy tales. Talulah finds business permits that have not been mailed. Letters to insurance company. She thought her mom had taken care of this. She seals the envelopes and plans to mail them in the village.

EXT – VILLAGE – DAY

Talulah pops the letters in the post office. They walk along the village street, joking around about seals taking over the island, trying to ignore hostile stares from locals. Talulah suggests they go to the library/archives and talk to Oona. Archer, remembering his last visit, is reluctant but Talulah says its fine. She comes here all the time, but don’t tell her mother that.

INT – LIBRARY – DAY

Oona greets Talulah warmly. Talulah reveals Oona is her grandmother. Talulah asks about Selkies and if the locals really believe the tales. Oona removes the cotton gloves she wears to reveal old scarring. Archer realizes they are like his.

Oona tells them that a number of the villagers are descendants of Selkies. – sliocha nan ron. The ridges on their hands are scars where webs were removed as infants. It is part of a yearly ceremony on Midsummers Eve, a rite that reaffirms the pact between the village and the Selkies.

Archer finds it hard to believe this. Oona is a sincere person but she has to be delusional. His mother couldn’t have been a Selkie. But some references his mother made in her letter now make sense. And Talulah acts like Oona is trustworthy. Does his father know all this about the Selkies?

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Archer is stacking firewood. Nerve-rattling screeches suddenly shatter the night. What the heck is that?

EXT – HIKING TRAIL – DAY

Archer and Talulah find hikers in distress. One of them is seriously injured from a rock fall. Talulah runs for help. While they are waiting, the hikers tell Archer about a large animal that was chasing them. They are really frightened. It is obvious they thought they were in danger and as more people gather, they are adamant that there is a predator on the loose. Mutters of banshee warnings the night before. Hikers are airlifted to hospital on the mainland.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

Journalist and TV camera interviewing villagers about stories of a dangerous predator in the area. People are getting excited and worried. Seamus denies there is any such thing. He admits the terrain is not for the faint of heart, what with the rugged coastline and treacherous barrens, fog, dangerous undertows, unpredictable weather. He wouldn’t recommend it for the inexperienced traveler. But predator? Unlikely. But you never know…

Wind whips up. Seamus lifts his face to the skies. There is a big blow coming. A Nor’easter. He warns that the newsmen return to the mainland while they can.

INT – LODGE – NIGHT

Gabby is taking advantage of Henry’s protective nature. When the kids retire for the night she slips something into Henry’s drink. When he passes out, she makes it look like they have been intimate. Archer and Talulah discover them. Gabby accuses Henry of attacking her and Henry is too dazed and stumbling to know any different. Gabby is distraught. Talulah tries to comfort her mother. Archer is outraged, pushing his father to the floor. Gabby confesses that Talulah is Henry’s daughter.

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Vicious storm. Gale-force winds and high tides cause the cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Centre. The Taylors and the Quinns are forced to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in the village.

Everyone is uncomfortable with this arrangement. Everyone is angry and making accusations. Henry asks why Gabby had never told him about Talulah. Gabby retaliates saying he was so enamoured with Maeve that he couldn’t see anyone else. Accuses him of taking Maeve away. Archer and Talulah tip toe around each other.

As the storm rages, tension builds until there is a confrontation between Gabby and Oona. The story comes out about Gabby endangering the secret of the Selkies as a youth. She told an outsider. The outsider was Henry! She was shunned by the villagers including her mother. Gabby has never forgiven her mother for not sticking up for her.

Oona gives Archer an amulet for his safety.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Henry sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. When he passes Henry in the hall, he hesitates but he doesn’t tell his father.

INT- OONA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Henry, Archer, Rowan and Talulah having lunch. Oona making bread.

News come on the radio: Worst storm in thirty years is not letting up. The public is advised to shelter indoors. On other news, the village of Jiggers Remorse is the latest community in Atlantic Canada to apply for UNESCO World Heritage designation. A report by marine biologist, Henry Quinn, supports the application, affirming it is important to protect the unique habitat and threatened species like the hooded seals found in the area.

When Gabby enters the kitchen, Henry questions how this information got to the media. His report wasn’t finalized. Gabby looks innocent, suggesting maybe he should ask Archer. When Archer tries to defend himself, saying it was Gabby, Henry stops him. ‘Enough! I’ve had it with all of you!’

(TURNING POINT 2)

INT – OONA’S SITTING ROOM – NIGHT

It is supper time and Rowan has disappeared. Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog. Maybe she went out to look for him. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone, even for the dog. Storms terrify Rowan.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – NIGHT

Villagers gather to organize search parties to look for Rowan. Some men are armed. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the hall, viciously eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear. Who/what did this? Something has been awakened. Henry orders Archer to get his things packed. Henry is sending him back to the city. Archer is furious and worried about his sister. Something is terribly wrong here.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer is throwing clothes in his bag. Talulah arrives with news that the causeway has been damaged in the storm. No one can leave the island. Oona tries to call the police on the mainland but lines are down.

EXT – VILLAGE – NIGHT

Archer and Talulah take off on their own in the storm to find Rowan. They find Rowan’s stray dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above The Maw. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

(CLIMAX)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Archer and Talulah discover a wet and cold Rowan cowering in the cave. ‘Rowan, how did you get down here?’ She is too terrified to tell them anything.

They are just trying to warm her up when a frantic Gabby appears. ‘Thank god. I’ve been worried sick.’ Gabby is acting relieved but Archer notices she has a knife in her hand.

When Archer asks her what she is doing, Gabby grabs Rowan, threatening to hurt her if he doesn’t back up. She orders Talulah to tie Archer up.

Talulah does as she is told but leaves the rope loose.

Gabby is raving. She has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy The Maw. She would be happy if the whole damned village blew up with it.

Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan. But Rowan struggles. Dog attacks Gabby. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is about to strike the dog with her knife, a voice calls to her.

Gabby turns to see Selkies emerging from ocean removing their seal skins. Maeve is one of them. Maeve is alive! She beckons to Gabby, inviting her to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife. ‘Maeve you came back to me.’ Gabby follows Maeve into the water until they sink out of sight.

(RESOLUTION)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Seamus and other villagers throw the explosives into the ocean.

Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah watching the water.

Oona tells them about Gabby and Maeve: When they were children, Maeve visited the waters off the Maw every Midsummers Eve. Gabby was obsessed with her. A friendship grew. Everything was wonderful until Gabby stole Maeve’s seal skin, wanting to keep Maeve on land with her forever. But Maeve fell in love with a visiting student doing research that summer. Maeve chose him over Gabby. Gabby went sour after that. Vindictive. She told visitors about the Selkies until the villagers put a stop to it. They put the warning on her. Get out and never return.

But now she’s back. ‘My heart is heavy for all the hurt Gabby has caused. But I have to be thankful for this wonderful granddaughter she has left me.’

Archer asks why Henry never told them about their mother. ‘It wasn’t my story to tell. And when Oona called and said she had found the seal skin, your mom had to make a hard decision. Stay with those she loved or return to her ocean home.’

‘A Selkie’s heart is ocean-bound. That’s the truth of it.’

Maeve appears one last time, lifts her hand, then disappears into the ocean.

[Norene Smiley]

What I learned transferring the tagged map into a readable version is that I could combine some tags together in one scene and not include others. I think this still needs a lot of work and this version leans heavily on exposition. And I don’t think it makes use of as many ‘Thriller’ elements as I intended. Hopefully a dramatized script would be able to reveal some of the ‘telling’ bits through action.

NORENE’S THRILLER MAP VERSION 1 – THE MAW

EXT – COASTAL ROAD – DAY

Archer Quinn is driving on a winding road with his father Henry and sister Rowan to the small village of Jiggers Remorse in a remote area of Newfoundland. Archer is arguing with his father, angry that he has been dragged away from the city. He is going to miss his basketball tournament, all because his father thinks they need some ‘quality family time’.

Rowan is silent, in a world of her own. She watches the ocean waves rolling in. The many large seals basking on rocks.

Henry is trying to be positive, talking up how much fun they are going to have at an Eco-Adventure Survival Centre he has been invited to. And besides, he can’t very well leave Archer at home alone as he is still under a court-ordered probation period for past misdeeds. That means parental supervision whether he likes it or not. And Henry is the only parent he’s got. Archer complains that at least he could give him his cellphone back. Henry – Sorry Archer. Those are the rules.

Suddenly, an on-coming car careens out of control and forces Henry to swerve into rocks on the edge of the cliff. The other driver looks like he is going to come back to help but speeds up, leaving the scene of the accident. The car won’t start. Henry calls for a tow truck.

Archer eases out of the car, helping a crying Rowan to safety. Henry’s door is wedged against a rocky outcropping, forcing him to squeeze into the back seat to escape the car. Archer is leaning a window to grab his backpack when the car shifts. Henry only has a brief moment to pull Archer back before the car hurtles over the edge to crash in the ocean below.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

The tow truck drops a disheveled Quinn family off at the Eco-Adventure Centre to be greeted by Gabby Taylor and her teenage daughter, Talulah. They have lost most of their things but Gabby assures them they have clothes they can borrow for the week and there is a second-hand shop in the village.

Archer says he didn’t understand a word the driver said to them. Gabby laughs and says the local dialect is as thick as a mud hole on the barrens. “I think they keep it that way on purpose to keep visitors at bay.’

Gabby invites them over to picnic tables for lunch and to plan the activities for the week. Rowan is distracted by a wooly-looking dog sniffing around her pant leg. ‘Just push him away if he is bothering you Rowan’. Rowan sits down and shares her sandwich with the dog. ‘Rowan has a way with animals.’

EXT – EQUIPMENT SHED – DAY

Archer smells smoke and runs to the equipment shed. When he tears open the door, smoke billows out. He yells FIRE! He just has time to drag out a few cans of kerosene and motor oil before the heat gets too much. An explosion throws him back.

INT – ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Archer is being interrogated by one RCMP officer while another inspects the remains of the shed with a volunteer fireman. Gabby puts some ointment on his hands and wraps them up calling him a hero. She wished he had been around when the maple tree had fallen on her gazebo last week. it seems there have been a number of things go wrong at the Centre of late. Nothing Gabby can’t handle. ‘I’m sure Archer had nothing to do with this Frank.’

After a conversation on his phone, the officer decides Archer needs to come down to headquarters to continue the conversation. Archer realizes he knows about the charges against him. Archer had nothing to do with the fire and looks at Talulah, expecting her to speak up. They have been together all afternoon. She turns away.

INT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Gabby has big plans for her new business. Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors, other businesses. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ She asks Henry to make a environmental report to support her application to have Resolute Island and the village of Jiggers Remorse declared a UNESCO natural world heritage site.

Henry agrees to do the report, thinking it would be a coup for the area. But he wonders when Gabby says locals may be reluctant to change their way of life. Gabby hopes the villagers will come around. She is very persuasive, as he knows. Archer realizes his dad has a past history with Gabby.

Henry is won over by Gabby’s enthusiasm and determination. Archer and Rowan just look at each other. Henry is always talking about making more time with them but since his wife’s death he has buried himself in work to deal with eh pain. This is nothing new and part of the reason Archer is so angry.

INT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

Gabby presents her plan for the UNESCO application alongside Henry. The kids watch from the audience. The reception is cold and becomes heated as, one after the other, villagers get up and ask questions and voice their concerns. When Cormac shouts Gabby down, calls her names and questions her integrity, threatens her, Henry has to hustle her out of the hall before anyone gets hurt.

EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Gabby, Henry and kids arrive back to the Centre to find graffiti defacing the front entrance. Henry vows to go back to the village to have a word with them. This has to stop! Gabby calms him down, talking about the superstitions are deep-seated but she hoped to convince the villagers to see the benefits of opening up to the outside. She feels that all the eccentricities and legends will be an attraction to visitors.

EXT -ECO-ADVENTURE ENTRANCE – DAY

Archer and Talulah are washing off the graffiti. He is concerned about Gabby ignoring the threats from locals. Talulah says her mother believes the villagers are uneducated buffoons and will be easy to manipulate when they see money pouring into the area.

EXT – DECK – NIGHT

Archer, Rowan and Talulah are hanging out after supper watching stars though the telescope. They find common ground, both dealing with the frustration of single parents. They notice strange lights moving around on the barrens. Archer wants to sneak out and see what’s happening.

Talulah tells him about the warnings of the dangers of barrens. How people have disappeared in bog holes never to be seen again. Tales of wild beasts. A news team from the mainland have been nosing around after frightened tourists had reported strange happenings in Jiggers Remorse.

Rowan’s eyes are getting larger, her grip on Archer’s hand tighter. Archer gives up the idea of leaving her and turns on the porch light behind them. Just when they are about to give up and go in, a huge white owl swoops silently out of the darkness directly in front of them, veering off at the last minute. Archer and Talulah lurch back in shock. Rowan remains motionless staring out into the dark.

(TURNING POINT 1)

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer discovers two letters in a pocket of Henry’s briefcase when he is looking for a pen. They are addressed to him and Rowan. Archer realizes they are in his mother’s handwriting. He is in shock, then filled with rage. Why would his father have kept them from him?

Henry enters the bedroom when Archer is reading his letter. Archer accuses him of keeping secrets and worse. When Henry tries to defend himself, Archer will have done of it.

‘She’s from Jiggers Remorse? Is that why we are here? What is going on dad? Did you drive her away? Was she leaving you when she had the accident?’

Henry retreats. Archer vows to find out about his mother.

INT – VILLAGE LIBRARY/ARCHIVES – DAY

Archer and Rowan and dog enter library. Archer asks to see records of family histories. Anything to do with Maeve Doyle. Library clerk pretends to misunderstand him. He is met with blank faces and turned backs.

Archer tries to sign up for a guided hike but finds out there are no guides available. Another customer passes by, bumping his shoulder, causing him to drop his bag, the contents spilling over the floor.

When Archer crouches to pick up his things, the archivist Oona bends to help him. She reaches out, running her gloved hands over ridged scarring on his fingers. When she agitatedly moves to hold Rowan’s hands, Archer steps in the way to protect his sister.

“Sliocha nan ron. Sliocha nan ron.’ What is this old woman doing, saying?

EXT – CLIFF WALL, ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY

Talulah and Archer are preparing to rock climb. When Archer hesitates trying to decide how to start, Talulah pushes in front of him. She teases him, telling him to watch and see how it’s done. Half way up the rock face, Talulah’s climbing rope slips, then slips again and suddenly breaks, causing her to fall.

At first Archer thinks she is dead. Then she opens her eyes and smiles. She says she is okay but she struggles to get up, blood trickling from a gash on her cheek.

Gabby looks down from the top of the cliff. The rope had been cut!

INT – DINING HALL – NIGHT

Gabby reports that Talulah has a slight concussion and some bruising but she will live to drive her mother crazy another day. Gabby avoids reporting vandalism. Henry objects. Someone could get really hurt the next time. Gabby says she doesn’t want to get Archer in any more trouble than he already has.

IN – GROCERY STORE – DAY

Gabby slyly hints that they have a delinquent in their midst. Watch out for the Quinn boy. Got arrested for stolen goods in St. John’s. He’s trouble.

Oona comes along after Gabby exits the store saying not to listen to that one.

EXT – CLIFF PATH – DAY

Archer and Rowan hiking along a trail that skirts the cliff edge just as the sun is setting. The dog follows behind, never far from Rowan. Ocean vistas and the many many seals sunning themselves on rocks below have their attention. Suddenly Archer plummets into a pit at the edge of the path. Rowan desperately tries to reach him but only ends up falling into the trap herself.

The dog frantically barks. Archer calls for help. They could be here for hours until someone misses them. Suddenly a huge shadow blocks out the light. The ominous Seamus Dromgoole, a local fisherman, stares down at them. He sets down his long coat and lantern and throws down a rope to pull them out. Warns them to stay out of trouble. To not go out after dark.

INT – PUB – NIGHT

Henry approaches Seamus and Cormac to try to persuade them to give Gabby’s idea a chance.

When Seamus tells him to pay more attention to his own family, to rein in his out-of-control son, Henry blows. He accuses the men of endangering people. They had no business setting traps where people hike. A pushing match breaks out. Only Oona calling for order stops it from getting out of control.

INT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Gabby lets slip that there are warnings of a predator roaming around. Some pets have gone missing. Rowan is worried about the dog that has adopted her. Gabby reassures her and distracts her by stories of her mother growing up in the village. How Gabby and Maeve were the best of friends. ‘She was the most stunning creature. No one could resister her. You look a lot like her Rowan.’

Archer and Talulah join in. Gabby entertains them with stories of all the exploring the two girls used to do, including the limestone caves called The Maw. Of the hidden path down to the caves. Of smuggled treasure. Gabby shows them a broach that they found and speculated that there is probably more to be discovered.

EXT – LIMESTONE CAVES – DAY

Archer, Talulah and Rowan descending the path to the beach outside the caves. They have come prepared with flashlights and ropes, ready to explore inside the biggest cave. They discover remnants of chests spilling what looks like big pieces of cloth and an animal hide. There is evidence of a fire. The kids are so engrossed that they fail to notice the rising tide. They are cut off from the path and will soon be in danger of drowning if they don’t get out of there.

Archer has to put Rowan on his back to wade through water. They use the ropes to help them scale the cliff face. Rowan is frantic worrying about the dog. It eventually swims through the crashing waves and scrambles up what is left of the path.

(MIDPOINT)

INT – DINING HALL – DAY

Archer is making pancakes for himself and Rowan but she brushes him off saying she has already eaten. She is off to the village with Gabby and Henry. Gabby fusses over Rowan, treating her more like a daughter than she does her own daughter.

He exchanges a look with Talulah. Rowan has been avoiding him ever since the narrow escape from the caves. Like she blames him. Henry certainly does. All hell broke loose when they dragged themselves back. Henry had served notice. One more irresponsible act and he was looking at banishment to a boarding school.

Archer plunks a stack of pancakes in front of Talulah. Talulah tells him not to worry. Gabby does this. She’s just happy her mom is lavishing her attention on someone else. And Rowan will come around. ‘it wasn’t your fault.’ But Archer knows he should have taken better care. If anything had happened to Rowan after all they’ve been through… Archer can’t help himself from resenting how Gabby seems to have replaced him in Rowan’s affections.

Gabby pops her head in the door. She tosses a book on the table. Thought Archer might find it interesting. “Arcane Traditions and Legends of Newfoundland & Labrador.”

EXT – PARKING LOT – DAY

Gabby and Rowan are loading groceries into the car when Seamus charges over. he’s all worked up and looms over Gabby. Groceries spill on the ground. Shouting that she is going to destroy the village. She is a charlatan and he has proof. If she doesn’t stop she’ll be sorry! Rowan cowers behind Gabby. Henry runs up to intercede. Seamus stomps away saying she won’t get away with this again.

Henry supporting Gabby in her distress. She says she’s ok. Braving it out. Seamus and the others have always had it in for her. Henry asks about what Seamus was referring to and Gabby dismisses it. They haven’t forgiven her for leaving the community and making something of herself.

INT – CAR – DAY

Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult. Taken in by local superstitions.

INT – OFFICE – DAY

Archer is helping Talulah file paperwork for the Eco-Adventure Centre. Talking about things he has read in the book Gabby gave him. How the stories of Selkies are interesting but just sound like fairy tales. Talulah finds business permits that have not been mailed. Letters to insurance company. She thought her mom had taken care of this. She seals the envelopes and plans to mail them in the village.

EXT – VILLAGE – DAY

Talulah pops the letters in the post office. They walk along the village street, joking around about seals taking over the island, trying to ignore hostile stares from locals. Talulah suggests they go to the library/archives and talk to Oona. Archer, remembering his last visit, is reluctant but Talulah says its fine. She comes here all the time, but don’t tell her mother that.

INT – LIBRARY – DAY

Oona greets Talulah warmly. Talulah reveals Oona is her grandmother. Talulah asks about Selkies and if the locals really believe the tales. Oona removes the cotton gloves she wears to reveal old scarring. Archer realizes they are like his.

Oona tells them that a number of the villagers are descendants of Selkies. – sliocha nan ron. The ridges on their hands are scars where webs were removed as infants. It is part of a yearly ceremony on Midsummers Eve, a rite that reaffirms the pact between the village and the Selkies.

Archer finds it hard to believe this. Oona is a sincere person but she has to be delusional. His mother couldn’t have been a Selkie. But some references his mother made in her letter now make sense. And Talulah acts like Oona is trustworthy. Does his father know all this about the Selkies?

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Archer is stacking firewood. Nerve-rattling screeches suddenly shatter the night. What the heck is that?

EXT – HIKING TRAIL – DAY

Archer and Talulah find hikers in distress. One of them is seriously injured from a rock fall. Talulah runs for help. While they are waiting, the hikers tell Archer about a large animal that was chasing them. They are really frightened. It is obvious they thought they were in danger and as more people gather, they are adamant that there is a predator on the loose. Mutters of banshee warnings the night before. Hikers are airlifted to hospital on the mainland.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY

Journalist and TV camera interviewing villagers about stories of a dangerous predator in the area. People are getting excited and worried. Seamus denies there is any such thing. He admits the terrain is not for the faint of heart, what with the rugged coastline and treacherous barrens, fog, dangerous undertows, unpredictable weather. He wouldn’t recommend it for the inexperienced traveler. But predator? Unlikely. But you never know…

Wind whips up. Seamus lifts his face to the skies. There is a big blow coming. A Nor’easter. He warns that the newsmen return to the mainland while they can.

INT – LODGE – NIGHT

Gabby is taking advantage of Henry’s protective nature. When the kids retire for the night she slips something into Henry’s drink. When he passes out, she makes it look like they have been intimate. Archer and Talulah discover them. Gabby accuses Henry of attacking her and Henry is too dazed and stumbling to know any different. Gabby is distraught. Talulah tries to comfort her mother. Archer is outraged, pushing his father to the floor. Gabby confesses that Talulah is Henry’s daughter.

EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT

Vicious storm. Gale-force winds and high tides cause the cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Centre. The Taylors and the Quinns are forced to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in the village.

Everyone is uncomfortable with this arrangement. Everyone is angry and making accusations. Henry asks why Gabby had never told him about Talulah. Gabby retaliates saying he was so enamoured with Maeve that he couldn’t see anyone else. Accuses him of taking Maeve away. Archer and Talulah tip toe around each other.

As the storm rages, tension builds until there is a confrontation between Gabby and Oona. The story comes out about Gabby endangering the secret of the Selkies as a youth. She told an outsider. The outsider was Henry! She was shunned by the villagers including her mother. Gabby has never forgiven her mother for not sticking up for her.

Oona gives Archer an amulet for his safety.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Henry sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. When he passes Henry in the hall, he hesitates but he doesn’t tell his father.

INT- OONA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Henry, Archer, Rowan and Talulah having lunch. Oona making bread.

News come on the radio: Worst storm in thirty years is not letting up. The public is advised to shelter indoors. On other news, the village of Jiggers Remorse is the latest community in Atlantic Canada to apply for UNESCO World Heritage designation. A report by marine biologist, Henry Quinn, supports the application, affirming it is important to protect the unique habitat and threatened species like the hooded seals found in the area.

When Gabby enters the kitchen, Henry questions how this information got to the media. His report wasn’t finalized. Gabby looks innocent, suggesting maybe he should ask Archer. When Archer tries to defend himself, saying it was Gabby, Henry stops him. ‘Enough! I’ve had it with all of you!’

(TURNING POINT 2)

INT – OONA’S SITTING ROOM – NIGHT

It is supper time and Rowan has disappeared. Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog. Maybe she went out to look for him. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone, even for the dog. Storms terrify Rowan.

EXT – VILLAGE HALL – NIGHT

Villagers gather to organize search parties to look for Rowan. Some men are armed. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the hall, viciously eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear. Who/what did this? Something has been awakened. Henry orders Archer to get his things packed. Henry is sending him back to the city. Archer is furious and worried about his sister. Something is terribly wrong here.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Archer is throwing clothes in his bag. Talulah arrives with news that the causeway has been damaged in the storm. No one can leave the island. Oona tries to call the police on the mainland but lines are down.

EXT – VILLAGE – NIGHT

Archer and Talulah take off on their own in the storm to find Rowan. They find Rowan’s stray dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above The Maw. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

(CLIMAX)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Archer and Talulah discover a wet and cold Rowan cowering in the cave. ‘Rowan, how did you get down here?’ She is too terrified to tell them anything.

They are just trying to warm her up when a frantic Gabby appears. ‘Thank god. I’ve been worried sick.’ Gabby is acting relieved but Archer notices she has a knife in her hand.

When Archer asks her what she is doing, Gabby grabs Rowan, threatening to hurt her if he doesn’t back up. She orders Talulah to tie Archer up.

Talulah does as she is told but leaves the rope loose.

Gabby is raving. She has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy The Maw. She would be happy if the whole damned village blew up with it.

Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan. But Rowan struggles. Dog attacks Gabby. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is about to strike the dog with her knife, a voice calls to her.

Gabby turns to see Selkies emerging from ocean removing their seal skins. Maeve is one of them. Maeve is alive! She beckons to Gabby, inviting her to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife. ‘Maeve you came back to me.’ Gabby follows Maeve into the water until they sink out of sight.

(RESOLUTION)

EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT

Seamus and other villagers throw the explosives into the ocean.

Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah watching the water.

Oona tells them about Gabby and Maeve: When they were children, Maeve visited the waters off the Maw every Midsummers Eve. Gabby was obsessed with her. A friendship grew. Everything was wonderful until Gabby stole Maeve’s seal skin, wanting to keep Maeve on land with her forever. But Maeve fell in love with a visiting student doing research that summer. Maeve chose him over Gabby. Gabby went sour after that. Vindictive. She told visitors about the Selkies until the villagers put a stop to it. They put the warning on her. Get out and never return.

But now she’s back. ‘My heart is heavy for all the hurt Gabby has caused. But I have to be thankful for this wonderful granddaughter she has left me.’

Archer asks why Henry never told them about their mother. ‘It wasn’t my story to tell. And when Oona called and said she had found the seal skin, your mom had to make a hard decision. Stay with those she loved or return to her ocean home.’

‘A Selkie’s heart is ocean-bound. That’s the truth of it.’

Maeve appears one last time, lifts her hand, then disappears into the ocean.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Misdirects…When Appropriate!

What I learned is that in going through the map looking for misdirections, I have made the villain Gabby too obvious and conflicted. And I am not sure her plan is the perfect obstacle that the hero Archer has to face. Reconfiguration yet again until it makes a bit more sense. On-going devious planning…

MISDIRECTIONS:

Red Herring Character: Henry

• He refuses to talk about his wife and the argument he had with her before her death

• He hides wife’s letters to her children

• He does not reveal wife’s connection to Jiggers Remorse

• He does not reveal past relationship with Gabby

2. Red Herring: Villagers of Jiggers Remorse

• They warn tourists away from the barrens and limestone cliffs for public safety

• Their traditions and superstitious beliefs make them appear suspicious

• Their insular way of life make them unwelcoming to outsiders

3. Villain’s Plan: Gabby

• She invites Henry to return to Jiggers Remorse to support project to have the area declared national heritage site.

• She makes plans to establish an Eco-Adventure business to bring economic stability to the village.

• She makes several attempts to reconcile with her mother and the villagers

• She befriends Archer and Rowan

4. Mystery Coverups:

a. What does Gabby want from Henry and his family?

• She encourages their dependance on her.

• She encourages their friendship and affection and trust.

• Vandalism at the Eco-Adventure Centre casts suspicion on angry locals.

• She reveals that Henry is Talulah’s father.

b. What happened to Maeve Quinn?

• Henry let the children believe Maeve died in a car accident.

• Gabby tells children stories of their mother and their close friendship growing up in the village.

• The villagers are tightlipped, denying knowledge of Maeve.

c. What is the secret of Jiggers Remorse?

• Mysterious happenings on the barrens and rumours of a predator killing house pets.

• Plan to have the area declared a delicate eco-system and closed to the public to protect it.

• Visitors are required to use guides while hiking on the island.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Gives Great Clues!

What I learned from this assignment was some of my main mysteries were more solid that others. They had more viable possibilities when building clue trails. Others could not withstand the exercise of creating the clues. Brainstorming ways to amend and strengthen the weaker mystery or change them altogether. Asking questions.

MYSTERY: What does Gabby Taylor want from Henry Quinn and his family?

POSSIBLE CLUES:

OVERT:

• Gabby blames Archer for vandalism at the Eco-adventure centre<div>

•Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent

<div>

• Gabby encourages kids to explore potentially dangerous terrain

• Gabby fosters fear of unexplained events and superstitions

• Gabby fosters a close dependant relationship with ten-year old Rowan

• Gabby drugs and seduces Henry

• Gabby alters Henry’s report and leaks negative info to media

• Gabby accuses Henry of rape

• Gabby declares Henry is Talulah’s father

COVERT:

• Gabby throws Henry’s reputation into question </div><div>

• Gabby fosters animosity between villagers and the Quinns

• Gabby’s flashes of anger and self-loathing

•Gabby’s unpredictable behaviour

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MYSTERY: What happened to Maeve Quinn?

POSSIBLE CLUES:

OVERT:

• no funeral after car accident • Henry avoids talking to children about their mother </div><div>

• Henry hides letters from Maeve to her children

• letters feel like they are saying goodbye; why would she have written them?

• Henry has kept Maeve’s belongings; refuses to let them go, including an intricate necklace made from shells

COVERT:

• Archer learns of Selkie legend about seals shedding skins to take human form once a year </div><div>

• Henry’s insistence on vacationing in Jiggers Cove during summer solstice (Midsummer’s eve)

• Henry’s past connection to the village of Jiggers Remorse as a student in marine biology

• Gabby’s reference to Maeve being the most beautiful mesmerizing creature ‘you couldn’t resist her’

• talk about ‘abandonment’

• references to shape shifting and transformation

• large number of seals in the area sunning on rocks

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MYSTERY: What is secret of Jiggers Remorse?

POSSIBLE CLUES:

OVERT:

• villagers are superstitious </div><div>

• lights and shrouded figures seen when there are tourists around

• Archer and Talulah discover robes stored in chests in the Fairy Caves and evidence of some kind of ceremony there

• Seamus is carrying a robe when he rescues Rowan and Archer from the hunters trap

• villagers make sure people are aware of the mysterious lights and figures with dire warnings

• lanterns in Oona’s community hall, general store, postoffice etc

• yearly rite at the Fairy Caves on Midsummers Eve.

COVERT:

• barrens are dangerous, especially at night; only a local would be able to navigate without a guide </div><div>

• soulful music can be heard from the beach

• Oona not available to meet Archer at night

• villagers want the area to be declared a fragile heritage environment and off limits for human interference.

• Oona calls Archer and Rowan ‘sliocha nan ron’ (gaelic for descendants of selkies)

• reference to some traitorous thing Gabby did when she was younger that caused village to treat her as an outcast.

REVISION 4 THRILLER MAP – THE MAW:

OPENING: Quinn family driving to Jiggers Remorse. Archer arguing with father Henry about being forced to go.

MYSTERY 1: What happened to his mother?

MYSTERY 2: Why are they going to Jiggers Remorse?

LIFE THREATENING 1: Death of mother in a car accident.

MYSTERY 3: Why is Archer so angry with his father?

INCITING INCIDENT: An approaching van veers, nearly forcing their car off the road to teeter on edge of a cliff. Henry has to call for a tow truck to take them to the island. TWIST: Archer is furious with father but depends of him to save the day in crisis.

LIFE THREATENING 2: Near fatal car accident.

VILLAINS’ PLAN 1: Were they intentionally driven off the road?

MYSTERY 4: Driver stops but when it looks like they were coming back to help, sped up and raced away. DISTRUST: Is someone trying to intentionally hurt them? (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 3: Car slides off the cliff

TWIST: Just when it looked like they have been saved with the arrival of the tow truck, the car slides off edge and violently crashes to the bottom of the cliff, narrowly taking Archer with it. DISTRUST: Was the car pushed over the cliff? (RED HERRING)

MYSTERY 5: What kind of dialect are the locals speaking?

MYSTERY 6: What is different about Rowan? She hasn’t spoken since her mother died. She is fey, almost strange affinity for animals. Stray dog starts following her around. (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 4: Fire in equipment shed at the Eco-Adventure Centre after Archer and Talulah had been there sorting ropes, preparing for the next day. (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 5: Archer tries to put the fire out, burning his hands.

TWIST: Archer is suspected of starting the fire and interrogated by RCMP from mainland. Kerosene and explosives also found in the shed. TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer is attracted to Talulah. Thinks of her as a friend or more than that. Archer is shocked that Talulah does not speak up to defend him. (RED HERRING)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Gabby tries to convince Henry that his environmental report for the village will be a strong component of her initiative to have the limestone cliffs and surrounding area declared a heritage site,even though the Village council is uneasy about this affect to their way of life. (CLUE) TWIST: The council has hired Henry to demonstrate that it is a delicate eco-system that needs protection from human interference.

TRUST/DISTRUST: Henry agrees to do the report in good faith not realizing Gabby is using him to cause more distress to the village and alienating him from the locals.

TWIST: Henry has come to the island for more quality time with his kids but he seems to easily brush them aside. He buries himself in work to forget about his wife.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: When Gabby intentionally taunts and dismisses villagers, the operation of the Eco-Adventure Centre becomes mired in red tape. Gabby is looking like a noble victim to Henry.(CLUE)

TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors and business. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ But her eco-adventure venture is being used to endanger the village secret. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 7: What happened in the past that caused Gabby to be shunned and treated as an outcast? TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby blames the villagers attitude on their backward superstitions but as a teenager she tried to expose the Selkies connection to the area, alienating her. (CLUE)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: Increased vandalism of the Eco-Centre.(CLUE)

MYSTERY 8: Why is everyone so superstitious in Jiggers Remorse? (CLUE)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Gabby appears to find local beliefs charming, an attraction. TRUST/DISTRUST: But she really thinks they are backward and uses their beliefs and fears to manipulate them. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 9: What are the mysterious lights and shrouded figures on the barrens at night? TWIST: The villagers want to keep people away but this just attracts more visitors and media attention.

TURNING POINT 1: Archer finds good-bye letters from mother Maeve that Henry had kept secret.(CLUE) TWIST: Henry was trying to keep Maeve’s secret but Archer now distrusts father for keeping something so important from him, increasing their discord. The letters just add fuel to Archer’s curiosity about his mother. TWIST: Maeve was from Jiggers Remorse. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 10: Why did Henry hide Maeve’s letters? TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer always felt he could count on his father to tell him the truth but now he realizes that Henry has been hiding the real facts about her death/disappearance. Archer now questions everything Henry says.

LIFE THREATENING 6: When Archer asks too many questions in the village, locals treat him roughly and threaten him. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 11: Warnings not to go exploring without a guide outside the village because of dangerous terrain. DISTRUST: When Archer asks, there are never any guides available and he begins to suspect that dangers are exaggerated. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 12: Why are locals denying knowledge of Maeve? DISTRUST: Archer knows she was from the island. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 13: Why does Oona become agitated when she notices ridges on Archer’s hands? Tries to reach for Rowan but Archer steps in and protects his sister. (CLUE) TWIST: Oona becomes more welcoming.

MYSTERY 14: Why is the Rowan’s stray dog frantically barking at night? (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 7: When scaling rock wall, Talulah spontaneously takes Archer’s turn. TWIST: The climbing rope breaks and she falls, leaving her bruised and shaken.

MYSTERY 15: Gabby points out that someone has tampered with the equipment and cut the rope. She does not hesitate to blame Archer. (CLUE) TRUST/ DISTRUST: Archer knows he didn’t do it but will anyone believe him?

MYSTERY 16: What does Gabby have against Archer?

MYSTERY 17: Who really cut the rope?

MYSTERY 18: Why doesn’t Gabby report vandalism?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 6: Gabby drives a further wedge between Henry and his son. Gabby ingratiates herself with Henry, making him feel like she doesn’t want to get Archer into trouble. TWIST: Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent. (CLUE) TWIST: Henry says he trusts Archer but believes everything Gabby tells him. TRUST/DISTRUST

LIFE THREATENING 8: The ominous Seamus Dromgoole rescues Archer and Rowan from hunter’s trap on edge of barrens. TWIST: The kids tried to obey the warnings but still found themselves in a dangerous situation. Danger is everywhere. (CLUE) Seamus is carrying robe.

LIFE THREATENING 9: Henry meets up with Seamus and Cormac at local pub about the environmental report. When they say he should rein in his trouble- making son, a fight breaks out. TWIST: Henry defends Archer, accusing them of endangering his kids by setting traps near walking trails.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 7: Stories of a predator killing local pets in the village. Gabby instills fear in Rowan for the stray dog, making her more dependent on her. (CLUE)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 8: Gabby makes an effort to be friendly saying she has been under stress and overreacted. She entertains kids with stories about the Fairy Caves and smuggled treasure. She tells them about the path down to the beach and shows them an old broach she found there. TWIST: She wants to increase their curiosity about the caves. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby would never encourage the kids to do something dangerous, would she? She neglects to tell them about the dangers of the tides. (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 10: Kids exploring Fairy Caves discover evidence of activity – robes, fire pit, old chests with animal skin in one. (CLUE) When the tide rises cutting off the way out, they have to climb the rock face to safety.

MIDPOINT: Since the terrifying experience in the caves, Archer notices Rowan is changing, avoiding him. She is more outgoing, preferring to spend time with Gabby who treats her more like a daughter than she does Talulah. (CLUE) TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer feels he has lost Rowan’s faith in him. Gabby undermines their relationship even further.

MYSTERY 19: Gabby leaves out a book on arcane traditions and local legends about Selkies for Archer to find. He learns about Sekies shedding their seal skins to take human form. (CLUE) TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult. (CLUE)

REVEAL: Gabby is confronted by Seamus. He accuses her misappropriating investors’ funds. He has proof. She asks Henry for help. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she is being persecuted, that the village has never forgiven her for what she did in the past. (CLUE)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 9: Gabby wants to invoke Henry’s sympathy and distort the truth.

MYSTERY 20: Archer and Talulah secretly visit community hall archives to get some answers from Oona about the Selkies. When she takes off her gloves, Archer sees that Oona’s hands have evidence of old scars like his. (CLUE)

TWIST/REVEAL: Archer learns that his mother was a Selkie and the ridges on his hands are where webs have been removed when he was an infant. The Fairy Caves are the legendary gathering place of the Selkies on Midsummers Eve. (CLUE) TRUST: Archer feels Oona is one of the few people in his life who tell him the truth. DISTRUST: But the story is unbelievable. Is Oona crazy? TWIST: Archer and Talulah become closer.

MYSTERY 21: Does Henry know about the Selkie’s and Maeve? Did Henry hide Maeve’s seal skin to force her to stay in human form and live on land with him? Archer can’t imagine it but it is just another reason to distrust his father.

MYSTERY 22: Screeches heard at night. (CLUE) Local stories of banshees foretelling imminent death.

LIFE THREATENING 11: Archer and Talulah find day hikers injured. They are airlifted to hospital on the mainland, but not before warning them about about a large animal that chased them. (CLUE)(RED HERRING)

MYSTERY 23: Is there a predator on the loose? Rumours run rampant through the village and media from the mainland arrive to cover the story. (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 12: Major storm warnings.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 10: Gabby drugs Henry and seduces him.(CLUE) TWIST: An earlier relationship is revealed. (CLUE)TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby tells him that Talulah is his daughter. REVEAL! (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 13: Wind and high tides cause cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Eco-Centre, forcing the Taylor and Quinn families to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in community hall. REVEAL! Gabby had endangered the secret of the Selkies as a youth and been shunned by the village and estranged from her mother ever since. (CLUE) TWIST: Oona is Talulah’s grandmother.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 11: Gabby snoops through Henry’s environmental report. TWIST: Archer sees her and tells his father who doesn’t believe him. TRUST/ DISTRUST

TWIST: Gabby leaks negative/false information about the report to media.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 12: When Henry questions how information got to media, Gabby redirects him to suspect Archer, then Oona. When he refuses to believe this, Gabby explodes, accusing Henry of raping her. A horrified Archer is further alienated from his father. (CLUE) TWIST: Archer and Talulah feel weird around each other .

REVEAL: Henry realizes Gabby is unstable. (CLUE) TRUST/ DISTRUST: Can Henry believe anything Gabby says?

MYSTERY 24: Is Henry really Talulah’s father? If not, who is?

TURNING POINT 2: Rowan disappears.

LIFE THREATENING 14: Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog in the night. Storms terrify Rowan. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone. (CLUE)

LIFE THREATENING 15: A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the town hall, viciously eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear.

MYSTERY 25: Has Rowan wandered out on the barrens in search of her dog? Has she been a victim of the predator? TWIST: Armed villagers work together with Henry to organize search parties.

LIFE THREATENING 16: Henry decides to send Archer back to the city for his own protection. TRUST: Archer wants to protect Archer from Gabby or whatever is out there. DISTRUST: Archer thinks Henry doesn’t trust him to help. and wants him out of the way. He is desperate to find his sister. He feels something is terribly wrong. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 26: What is Henry trying to protect Archer from?

LIFE THREATENING 17: Causeway damaged. TWIST: Island is cut off from the mainland during the storm. No one is going anywhere.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 13: Communications down. TWIST: Gabby cut the lines.

LIFE THREATENING 18: Archer and Talulah take off on their own to find Rowan.

LIFE THREATENING 19: Archer and Talulah find Rowan’s dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above Fairy Caves. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 27: Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

CLIMAX: Archer and Talulah discover Rowan tied up and captive in the cave. She is too terrified to tell them anything. (CLUE)

MYSTERY 28: Who did this and why?

REVEAL: A crazed Gabby appears from the back of the cave with a knife, threatening to kill Rowan if they don’t do as she says. Gabby orders Talulah to tie Archer up. TWIST: Talulah complies but leaves it loose. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby thinks Talulah will do as she says but Talulah decides to take a stand against her mother.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 15: Gabby has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy the gathering place of the Selkies. She would be happy if the whole village was destroyed.

LIFE THREATENING 20: Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is now cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan.

LIFE THREATENING 21: Dog attacks Gabby, causing her to lose her hold of Rowan. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is fighting off the dog, a voice calls to her.

REVEAL! Maeve is alive! Maeve and other Selkies emerge from ocean removing their skins, beckoning Gabby to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife and follows Maeve into the water until they disappear.

REVEAL! TWIST: It was Maeve who Gabby loved all along and hated Henry for taking her away.

LIFE THREATENING 22: Archer helps Talulah and Seamus throw the explosives into the ocean.

MYSTERY 30: Will Gabby drown? What will the Selkies do to Gabby?

RESOLUTION: Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah with rest of the villagers watch as Maeve appears one last time and then disappears into the ocean.

MYSTERY 31: Will the Quinn family help protect the secret of Jiggers Remorse?

MYSTERY 32: Will Archer resolve his problems with Henry?

MYSTERY 33: Will Archer and Rowan ever see their mother again?

</div></div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE’S DRAMATIC REVEALS

What I learned is to reconsider where I put the reveals in the Map for maximum impact and surprise.

IMPORTANT REVEALS & SEQUENCE LEADING UP TO REVEALS:

1.

A. REVEAL: Villagers are staging eerie events.

B. COVERED UP: village has always been teeming with superstition and tales of weird things happening; blamed on unusual terrain; blamed on ancient spirits.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth:

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: when Archer and Rowan fall into a hunter’s trap on the edge of the barrens, Seamus comes to their aid, even though he exposes his part in engineering mystery shrouded figures and lights. Archer has to rethink the villager’s motivation.

2.

A. REVEAL: Gabby is behind the vandalism and threats to her business.

B. COVERED UP: Blame on Archer; blame on government red tape; blame on the weather; blame on villagers who have a grudge against her.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: Some of the vandalism creates life threatening events making us want to know who is responsible; who would hate Gabby enough that they want to get rid of her; why hasn’t Gabby reported the vandalism?

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: reveal exposes Gabby’s instability and shocks Henry.

3.

A. REVEAL: Oona is Gabby’s mother.

B. COVERED UP: Gabby and Oona have been estranged for years and do not acknowledge each other.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: what is in Gabby’s past that alienated her from the rest of the village?; why is Gabby so determined to establish business in a place that doesn’t want her?;

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: confrontation when the Taylor’s have to take refuge in Oona’s community centre during storm. Gabby keeping Talulah from her grandmother.

4.

A. REVEAL: Talulah might be Henry’s daughter.

B. COVERED UP: it is assumed her daughter is a result of a relationship in the city after she was driven away from the village; story of no good partner that Gabby is well rid of.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: why doesn’t Gabby ever talk about Talulah’s father?; why is Gabby against Talulah’s budding friendship/romance with Archer?; reference to how Talulah’s eyes are the same colour as Archer’s; Talulah’s interest in Henry’s research.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Gabby strikes back at Henry when earlier relationship is also revealed and he expresses his regret.

5.

A. REVEAL: Jiggers Remorse is ancient meeting place for Selkies.

B. COVERED UP: eerie events and warnings keeping people away from the area; discouraging visitors and media; misdirections.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: disappearance of Meave; ridges on Oona’s hands; Archer, Talulah and Rowan discover evidence of some kind of ceremony in the Fairy caves; reluctance of villagers to talk about traditions and legends; what would villagers be willing to do to keep their secret?

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Archer and Talulah confront Oona and find out about the Selkie legend and Gabby’s betrayal years ago.

6.

A. REVEAL: Gabby wants to seek revenge on Henry for taking Maeve away.

B. COVERED UP: Gabby has supported Henry, engaging him in the development of the area, seducing him.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: blaming Archer for vandalism; breaking down relationship with Archer and Henry; encouraging Rowan’s devotion; threatening their lives throughout the script.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Her rage is revealed when she threatens to hurt Rowan and destroy the Fairy Caves.

7.

A. REVEAL: Maeve Quinn is not dead.

B. COVERED UP: Henry always told the kids that Maeve had been killed in a car accident to hide that she had abandoned them; villagers refusing to recognize Maeve was from Jiggers Remorse.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: Gabby’s past relationship with Maeve hinted at; Henry’s reluctance to talk about his wife; was Rowan’s disappearance connected to the Selkies?; Archer’s investigation peeling back more and more of the village’s secrets; Henry’s betrayal with Gabby.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Maeve appearing from the ocean then Gabby is endangering her family

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE’S TRUST RELATIONSHIPS

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have the elements of trust/distrust in the story but this exercise helps highlight them.

1. List of the main characters:

Hero: Archer

Villain: Gabby

Red Herring Character: Henry

Red Herring Characters: villagers

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Gabby

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Henry

2.

HERO: ARCHER

A. What is their basic state — trustable

B. Trustable, but appear not trustable: Archer looks like he might be responsible for a number of instances of vandalism at the Eco-Adventure Centre.

Not trustable, but appear trustable? Archer is in conflict with his father Henry and acts out, lies, even steals when he needs to.

C. Circumstances might cause him to switch from one to the other: Trust to Distrust: Anger at his father, unhappiness with being abandoned by mother, jealousy when Henry and Rowan seem to prefer Gabby’s company; being blamed by Gabby; not being defended by Talulah; rebelling against authority.

Distrust to Trust: acceptance by Oona; love for sister Rowan and wanting to protect her; wanting to prove himself to his father and to Talulah.

VILLAIN: GABBY

A. What is their basic state — not trustable

B. How might she really be trustable, but appear not trustable: she loves her daughter Talulah but her drive for revenge endangers everyone around her.

OR be not trustable, but appear trustable: Gabby is very loving and motherly towards Rowan; Gabby seduces Henry; Gabby appears to be trying to bring a viable business to the community but it is all a con.

C. Circumstances might cause her to switch from one to the other: she is unstable; she is conflicted in her relationship with her mother; she never intended to endanger the secret of the village but acted out of despair when Maeve won Henry’s heart.

RED HERRING: HENRY

A. What is his basic state — trustable

B. How might he really be trustable, but appear not trustable: Henry wants to protect his family but doesn’t give the kids enough credit; he keeps Maeve’s letters from them; he believes Gabby over Archer; he fails to realize the danger the kids are in until it is almost too late.

C. What circumstances might cause him to switch from one to the other: he still morns the loss of his wife and is lonely; he questions himself and is more indecisive; he believes what others tell him.

RED HERRING: VILLAGERS – SEAMUS, OONA

A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable – both

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable: they are steeped in superstition and because of the secret they are protecting, do not encourage visitors or establish relationships easily with outsiders; they volunteer to search when Rowan goes missing.

OR be not trustable, but appear trustable: they use unnecessary legal complications to thwart Gabby’s new business, all in the name of protecting the environment; they act dismayed when rumours of mysterious lights and predators roam the barrens but really started the rumours; they discourage interest in the Selkies and other legends; they discourage visitors, exaggerating dangers in the area.

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other: when Rowan’s life is in danger they set aside other concerns to help; when the village attracts the attention of the media they lie and misdirect; when Oona realizes Archer is the offspring of a Selkie she puts her guard down and supports his interest in finding out more.

3. Trust/Distrust Relationships:

Hero – Archer/ Villain – Gabby:

TRUST: Archer and his family think a driver lost control of his car.

DISTRUST: Gabby tries to run them off the road.

TRUST: Archer and his family think the Eco-Adventure is legit.

DISTRUST: Gabby is using it as a cover to disrupt the villagers’ way of life. She actively jeopardizes equipment and people using them.

TRUST: Archer tries to put out the fire in the shed.

DISTRUST: Gabby not only started it but puts the blame on him.

TRUST: Archer and family depend on Gabby to loan them clothing and supplies for their stay after their things were lost in car accident.

DISTRUST: Gabby was the cause of the their loss in the first place.

TRUST: Gabby encourages Archer and Talulah to rock climb.

DISTRUST: Gabby cut rope hoping to hurt Archer.

DISTRUST: Gabby spreads rumours that Archer is cause of vandalism at the centre and in the village, causing more problems between Henry and Archer and increasing the hostility in the village.

TRUST: Gabby tells tales of treasure and caves in the area to entertain the kids when Henry is working.

DISTRUST: She is successful in peaking their curiosity to go exploring the caves, only to be endangered by the rising tide.

TRUST: Gabby encourages Rowan’s devotion. Seems to be good for the withdrawn little girl.

DISTRUST: This budding relationship makes Archer feel distanced from his sister and jealous.

TRUST: Gabby loans Archer book on local legends and Selkies.

DISTRUST: Gabby warns Henry that Archer is showing an unhealthy interest in superstition and the occult. She says she worries that it may be scaring Rowan.

DISTRUST: Archer sees Gabby reading Henry’s report. Altering it. He tells Henry.

DISTRUST: Gabby leaks info to the media.

TRUST: Gabby tells search party she saw Rowan walking towards the barrens.looking for her dog.

DISTRUST: Archer knows Gabby is lying because Rowan is afraid of the storm.

Hero Archer / Red Herring Henry:

TRUST: Archer trusts that his father loves him and tells the truth.

DISTRUST: When Archer discovers Henry has withheld Maeve’s letters he loses trust. What else is Henry not telling him?

TRUST: Archer is used to his father believing him.

DISTRUST: When Henry believes Gabby that Archer is responsible for vandalism, Archer loses confidence in his father.

TRUST: Archer believes Henry’s story of mother having a nervous breakdown and needing to leave to get help.

DISTRUST: When Oona reveals the mystery of the Selkies in relation to Maeve, Archer questions all his father has told him. It is another thing henry has kept secret.

TRUST: Archer always believed that Henry loved his mother Maeve and has been in mourning for her loss.

DISTRUST: When Gabby accuses Henry of rape and that he is Talulah’s father, Archer no longer knows who his father is.

Hero Archer / Villagers:

TRUST: Archer and his family depend on tow truck to rescue them and their car after the accident.

DISTRUST: Did the tow truck driver nudge their car off the cliff on purpose?

TRUST: Archer believes the tales of the Fairy Caves, mysterious lights and figures on the barrens and finds them interesting.

DISTRUST: Archer finds the burdensome superstitions and warnings of the villagers and their hard to understand dialect alienating.

TRUST: Villagers warn about dangerous terrain and advise visitors not to go off without a guide for their own protection.

DISTRUST: No guides are ever available and Archer wonders if some dangers are exaggerated. Would villagers go so far as to harm hikers?

TRUST: Archer believes Oona when she tells him of the Selkies and their ability to take human form. This possibly shedding some light on his mother’s disappearance and who he is.

DISTRUST: Stories depict Selkies as shapsshifters, and some tell of luring men to their death.

TRUST: When Rowan is missing villagers gladly join the search party.

DISTRUST: The villagers are armed. What would they be prepared to do?

Hero Archer / Trusted, but shouldn’t be:

He is jealous of Gabby’s relationship with his sister and father. He is willing to lie and point fingers in his resentment. He resents Gabby and is afraid she is replacing his mother. He is defensive and acts out against authority to hide his unhappiness.

Hero Archer / Isn’t trusted, but should be:

He is not responsible for vandalizing the centre and village.

He would never intentionally hurt anyone even if he was angry.

Under all his acting-out he loves and depends upon his father.

Archer just wants his mother back. He feels like his family is falling apart.

5. REViSION 2 THRILLER MAP – THE MAW:

OPENING: Quinn family driving to Jiggers Remorse. Archer arguing with father Henry about being forced to go (‘no wonder mom left you!’).

MYSTERY 1: What happened to his mother?

MYSTERY 2: Why are they going to Jiggers Remorse?

LIFE THREATENING 1: Disappearance of mother.

MYSTERY 3: Why is Archer so angry with his father?

INCITING INCIDENT: An approaching van veers, nearly forcing their car off the road to teeter on edge of a cliff. Henry has to call for a tow truck to take them to the island. TWIST: Archer is furious with father but depends of him to save the day in crisis.

LIFE THREATENING 2: Near fatal car accident.

VILLAINS’ PLAN 1: Were they intentionally driven off the road?

MYSTERY 4: Driver stops but when it looks like he was coming back to help, he sped up and raced away. DISTRUST: Is someone trying to intentionally hurt them?

LIFE THREATENING 3: Car slides off the cliff

TWIST: Just when it looked like they have been saved with the arrival of the tow truck, the car slides off edge and violently crashes to the bottom of the cliff, narrowly taking Archer with it. DISTRUST: Was the car pushed over the cliff?

MYSTERY 5: What kind of dialect are the locals speaking?

MYSTERY 6: What is different about Rowan? She hasn’t spoken since her mother disappeared. She has an almost strange affinity for animals. Stray dog starts following her around.

LIFE THREATENING 4: Fire in equipment shed at the Eco-Adventure Centre after Archer and Talulah had been there sorting ropes, preparing for the next day.

LIFE THREATENING 5: Archer tries to put the fire out, burning his hands.

TWIST: Archer is suspected of starting the fire and interrogated by RCMP from mainland. TRUST/DISTRUST: Talulah is his friend. Archer is shocked that Talulah does not speak up to defend him.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Gabby convinces Henry to write an environmental report for the village, supporting the claim that the limestone cliffs and surrounding area needs to be a protected heritage site. Village council is upset when they realize it will attract more visitors. TWIST: They want him to demonstrate that it is a delicate eco-system that needs protection from human interference.

TRUST/DISTRUST: Henry agrees to do the report in good faith not realizing Gabby is using him to cause more distress to the village and alienating him from the locals.

TWIST: Henry has come to the island for more quality time with his kids but he seems to easily brush them aside. He buries himself in work to forget about his wife.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: Local regulations bog down the operation of the Eco- Centre in red tape. Gabby is looking like a noble victim. (Red Herring)

TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors and business. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ But her eco-adventure venture is a scam to endanger the secret the villagers are protecting.

MYSTERY 7: What happened in the past that caused Gabby to be shunned and treated as an outcast? TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby blames the villagers attitude on their backward superstitions but as a teenager she tried to expose the Selkies connection to the area, alienating her.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: Increased vandalism of the Eco-Centre.

MYSTERY 8: Why is everyone so superstitious in Jiggers Remorse?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Gabby appears to find local beliefs charming, an attraction. TRUST/DISTRUST: But she really thinks they are backward and uses their beliefs and fears to manipulate them.

MYSTERY 9: What are the mysterious lights and shrouded figures on the barrens at night? TWIST: The villagers want to keep people away but this just attracts more visitors and media attention.

TURNING POINT 1: Archer finds letters from mother that Henry had kept secret. TWIST: Henry was trying to keep Maeve’s secret but Archer now distrusts father for keeping something so important from him, increasing their discord. The letters just add fuel to Archer’s curiosity about his mother.

MYSTERY 10: Why did Henry hide Maeve’s letters? TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer always felt he could count on his father to tell him the truth but now he realizes that Henry has been hiding the real reason she left. Archer now questions everything Henry says.

LIFE THREATENING 6: When Archer asks too many questions in the village, locals treat him roughly and threaten him.

MYSTERY 11: Warnings not to go exploring without a guide outside the village because of dangerous terrain. DISTRUST: When Archer asks, there are never any guides available and he begins to suspect that dangers are exaggerated.

MYSTERY 12: Why are locals denying knowledge of Maeve? DISTRUST: Archer knows she was from the island.

MYSTERY 13: Why does Oona become agitated when she notices ridges on Archer’s hands? Tries to inspect Rowan but Archer intervenes. TWIST: Oona becomes more welcoming.

MYSTERY 14: Why is the Rowan’s stray dog frantically barking at night?

LIFE THREATENING 7: When scaling rock wall, Talulah spontaneously takes Archer’s turn. TWIST: The climbing rope breaks and she falls, leaving her bruised and shaken.

MYSTERY 15: Gabby sees that someone has tampered with the equipment and cut the rope. She does not hesitate to blame Archer. TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer knows he didn’t do it but will anyone believe him?

MYSTERY 16: What does Gabby have against Archer?

MYSTERY 17: Who really cut the rope?

MYSTERY 18: Why doesn’t Gabby report vandalism?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 6: Gabby drives a further wedge between Henry and his son. Gabby ingratiates herself with Henry, making him feel like she doesn’t want to get Archer into trouble. TWIST: Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent. TWIST: Henry says he trusts Archer but believes everything Gabby tells him. TRUST/DISTRUST

LIFE THREATENING 8: The ominous Seamus Dromgoole rescues Archer and Rowan from hunter’s trap on edge of barrens. TWIST: The kids tried to obey the warnings but still found themselves in a dangerous situation. Danger is everywhere.

LIFE THREATENING 9: Henry meets up with Seamus and Cormac at local pub about the environmental report. When they say he should rein in his trouble- making son, a fight breaks out. TWIST: Henry defends Archer, accusing them of endangering his kids by setting traps near walking trails.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 7: Stories of a vicious predator killing animals. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the centre, viciously eviscerated. Gabby instills fear in Rowan, making her more dependent on her.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 8: Gabby makes an effort to be friendly. She entertains kids with stories about the Fairy Caves and smuggled treasure. TWIST: She wants to increase their curiosity about the caves. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby would never encourage the kids to do something dangerous, would she? She neglects to tell them about the dangers of the tides.

LIFE THREATENING 10: Kids nearly drown while exploring caves when the tide rises. They have to climb the rock face to safety..

MIDPOINT: Since the terrifying experience in the caves, Archer notices Rowan is changing, avoiding him. She is more outgoing, preferring to spend time with Gabby who treats her more like a daughter than she does Talulah. TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer feels he has lost Rowan’s faith in him. Gabby undermines their relationship even further.

MYSTERY 19: Gabby loans Archer book on arcane traditions and local legends about Selkies, encouraging his interest. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 9: Gabby is accused of trying to sabotage her own business by Seamus. He accuses her of misappropriating investors’ funds. She asks Henry for help. (Red Herring) TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she is being persecuted, has never been good enough for the villagers. She wants to evoke Henry’s sympathy and distort the truth.

MYSTERY 20: Archer visits community hall archives to get some answers from Oona about the Selkies. When she takes off her gloves, Archer sees that Oona’s hands have evidence of old scars. It is like she wants him to see them.

TWIST: Archer learns that his mother is a Selkie and the ridges on his hands are where webs have been removed when he was an infant. TRUST: Archer feels Oona is one of the few people in his life to tell him the truth.

MYSTERY 21: Does Henry know about the Selkie’s and his mother? Did he hide Maeve’s seal skin to force her to stay in human form and live on land with him?

MYSTERY 22: Screeches heard at night. Local stories of banshees foretelling imminent death.

LIFE THREATENING 11: Archer and Talulah find day hikers injured. They are airlifted to hospital on the mainland.

LIFE THREATENING 12: Major storm warnings.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 10: Gabby seduces Henry. TWISTS: An earlier relationship is revealed. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby tells him that Talulah is his daughter.

LIFE THREATENING 13: Wind and high tides cause cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Eco-Centre, forcing the Taylor’s and Quinn’s to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in community hall. TWIST: Oona is Gabby estranged mother.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 11: Gabby snoops through Henry’s environmental report. TWIST: Archer sees her and tells his father who doesn’t believe him.

TWIST: Gabby leaks information to media.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 12: When Henry questions how information got to media, Gabby redirects and accuses Henry of raping her, turning Archer further against his father. TWIST: Henry realizes Gabby is unstable. TRUST/DISTRUST: Can Henry believe anything Gabby says?

MYSTERY 23: Is Henry really Talulah’s father? If not, who is?

TURNING POINT 2: Rowan disappears.

LIFE THREATENING 14: Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog in the storm. TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer knows Rowan would be too afraid to go out in the storm. Gabby is lying.

LIFE THREATENING 15: Fear of vicious predator amps up in the village.

MYSTERY 24: Has Rowan wandered out on the barrens in search of her dog? Has she been a victim of the predator? TWIST: Armed villagers work together with Henry to organize search parties.

LIFE THREATENING 16: Henry decides to send Archer back to the city for his own protection. TWIST: Archer thinks Henry just wants him out of the way.

DISTRUST: Archer thinks Henry doesn’t trust him to help.

TWIST: Archer has run out of time to find Rowan and know more about his mother.

MYSTERY 25: What is Henry trying to protect Archer from?

LIFE THREATENING 17: Causeway damaged. TWIST: Island is cut off from the mainland during the storm. No one is going anywhere.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 13: Gabby frantically reports communications down. TRUST/ DISTRUST: Gabby blames it on the storm but in reality she cut the lines.

LIFE THREATENING 18: Archer and Talulah take off on their own to find Rowan.

MYSTERY 26: Archer and Talulah find Rowan’s dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above Fairy Caves. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

CLIMAX: Archer and Talulah discover Rowan tied up and captive in the cave. She is too terrified to tell them anything.

MYSTERY 27: Who did this and why?

VILLAINS’ PLAN 14: A crazed Gabby appears with a knife, threatening to kill Rowan if they don’t do as she says. Gabby orders Talulah to tie Archer up. TWIST: Talulah complies but leaves it loose. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby thinks Talulah will do as she says but Talulah decides to take a stand against her mother.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 15: Gabby has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy the gathering place of the Selkies. She would be happy if the whole village was destroyed.

LIFE THREATENING 19: Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is now cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan.

LIFE THREATENING 20: Dog attacks Gabby, loosening her hold of Rowan. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is slashing at dog, a voice calls to her.

MYSTERY 28: Maeve and other Selkies emerge from ocean beckoning Gabby to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife and follows Maeve into the water. TWIST: It was Maeve who Gabby loved all along and hated Henry for taking her away.

TWIST: Gabby had tried to reveal secret of Jiggers Remorse years ago alienating her from the village and her mother Oona.

LIFE THREATENING 21: Archer helps Talulah and Seamus throw the explosives into the ocean.

MYSTERY 29: Will Gabby drown? What will the Selkies do to Gabby?

RESOLUTION: Archer, Rowan, Henry and Oona and Talulah with rest of the villagers watch as Maeve appears one last time and then disappears into the ocean.

MYSTERY 30: Will the Quinn family help protect the secret of Jiggers Remorse?

MYSTERY 31: Will Archer resolve his problems with Henry?

MYSTERY 32: Will Archer and Rowan ever see their mother again?

[Norene Smiley]

Norene’s Twists and Turns

What I learned by doing this assignment is that I already had a number of twists built into the story. This exercise made me look at them more closely to see if they could be ratcheted up a notch or to add more.

ADDITIONAL NEW TWISTS:

• Archer is arguing with father one moment but depends of him to save the day after the car accident the next. <div>

• Just when it looked like they have been saved with the arrival of the tow truck, the car slides and falls and violently crashes to the bottom of the cliff, narrowly taking Archer with it.

• After trying to put out the fire, Archer is suspected of starting it and interrogated by RCMP from mainland. Talulah does not defend him.

• Henry has come to the island for more quality time with his kids but he seems to easily brush them aside. His work always comes first before his family. </div><div>

• The villagers try to deter people from the area by staging mysterious lights and shrouded figures, scaring people off but this just attracts more visitors and media attention.

• Henry was trying to keep Maeve’s secret identity but Archer now distrusts father for keeping secrets, increasing their discord.

• The letters just add fuel to Archer’s curiosity about his mother.

• Oona becomes more welcoming when she sees ridges on Archer’s fingers.

• Gabby tampered with climbing rope in order to hurt Archer but Talulah is hurt instead.

• Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent after pretending to protect him.

• Henry says he trusts Archer but believes everything Gabby tells him. </div><div>

• The kids tried to obey the warnings to keep off the barrens but still found themselves in a dangerous situation, falling into hunter’s trap.

• Henry defends Archer against rumours of his vandalism, accusing locals of endangering his kids by setting traps near walking trails.

• Gabby tells the kids stories about treasure and the caves to increase their curiosity to explore this dangerous area.

• Archer learns from Oona that his mother is a Selkie and the ridges on his hands are where webs have been removed when he was an infant.

• An earlier relationship between Gabby and Henry is revealed. </div><div>

• Gabby tells him that Talulah is his daughter.

• Oona is Gabby estranged mother.

• Gabby alters Henry’s report to mess with the community.

• Henry realizes Gabby is unstable.

• When Rowan disappears, villagers join with Henry to search.

• Archer thinks Henry just wants him out of the way. Does not trust him.

• When Henry decides to send Archer back to the city, Archer has run out of time to find Rowan and know more about his mother. </div><div>

• Island is cut off from the mainland during a storm. No one is going anywhere.

• Talulah ties Archer up as Gabby orders but leaves it loose.

• It was Maeve that Gabby loved all along and hated Henry for taking her away.

REVISED THRILLER MAP

OPENING: Quinn family driving to Jiggers Remorse. Archer arguing with father Henry about being forced to go (‘no wonder mom left you!’).

MYSTERY 1: What happened to his mother?

MYSTERY 2: Why are they going to Jiggers Remorse?

LIFE THREATENING 1: Disappearance of mother.

MYSTERY 3: Why is Archer so angry with his father?

INCITING INCIDENT: An approaching van veers, nearly forcing their car off the road to teeter on edge of a cliff. Henry has to call for a tow truck to take them to the island. TWIST: Archer is furious with father but depends of him to save the day in crisis.

LIFE THREATENING 2: Near fatal car accident.

VILLAINS’ PLAN 1: Were they intentionally driven off the road?

MYSTERY 4: Driver stopped but when it looked like he was coming back to help he sped up and raced away.

MYSTERY 5: Why doesn’t Rowan speak? Is she deaf? She has an affinity for animals. Stray dog starts following her around.

LIFE THREATENING 3: Car slides off the cliff

TWIST: Just when it looked like they have been saved with the arrival of the tow truck, the car slides and falls and violently crashes to the bottom of the cliff, narrowly taking Archer with it.

MYSTERY 6: What kind of language are the locals speaking?

LIFE THREATENING 4: Fire in equipment shed at the Eco-Adventure Centre after Archer and Talulah had been preparing for the next day.

LIFE THREATENING 5: Archer tries to put the fire out, burning his hands.

TWISTS: Archer is suspected of starting the fire and interrogated by RCMP from mainland. Talulah does not defend him.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Henry is pressured to make a report on the danger to the eco-system on Resolute Island to support closing off the island to outsiders.

TWIST: Henry has come to the island for more quality time with his kids but he seems to easily brush them aside. His work always comes first before his family.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: Local regulations bog down the operation of the Eco- Centre in red tape. Gabby is looking like a victim. (Red Herring)

MYSTERY 7: What happened in the past that caused Gabby to be distrusted and treated as an outcast?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: Increased vandalism of the Eco-Centre.

MYSTERY 8: Why is everyone so superstitious in Jiggers Remorse?

MYSTERY 9: What are the mysterious lights and shrouded figures on the barrens at night? TWIST: The villagers want to keep people away but this just attracts more visitors and media attention.

TURNING POINT 1: Archer finds letters from mother that Henry had kept secret. TWIST: Henry was trying to keep Maeve’s secret but Archer now distrusts father for keeping secrets, increasing their discord. The letters just add fuel to Archer’s curiosity about his mother.

MYSTERY 10: Why did Henry hide Maeve’s letters?

LIFE THREATENING 6: When Archer asks too many questions in the village, locals treat him roughly and threaten him.

MYSTERY 11: Warnings not to go exploring without a guide outside the village because of dangerous terrain.

MYSTERY 12: Why are locals denying information about Maeve when Archer knows she was from the island?

MYSTERY 13: Why did Oona become agitated when she noticed ridges on Archer’s hands? Tries to inspect Rowan but Archer intervenes. TWIST: Oona becomes more welcoming.

MYSTERY 14: Why is the Rowan’s stray dog frantically barking at night?

LIFE THREATENING 7: When scaling rock wall, Talulah jumps in and takes Archer’s turn. TWIST: The climbing rope breaks and she falls, leaving her bruised and shaken. The rope has been tampered with.

MYSTERY 15: Gabby sees that rope has been cut and blames Archer. What does she have against Archer? Who really cut the rope?

MYSTERY 16: Why doesn’t Gabby report vandalism?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Gabby drives a further wedge between Henry and his son. Gabby ingratiates herself with Henry, making him feel like she doesn’t want to get Archer into trouble. TWIST: Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent. TWIST: Henry says he trusts Archer but believes everything Gabby tells him.

LIFE THREATENING 8: The ominous Seamus Dromgoole rescues Archer and Rowan from hunter’s trap on edge of barrens. TWIST: The kids tried to obey the warnings but still found themselves in a dangerous situation. Danger is everywhere.

LIFE THREATENING 9: Henry meets up with Seamus and Cormac at local pub about the environmental report. When they say he should rein in his trouble- making son, a fight breaks out. TWIST: Henry defends Archer, accusing them of endangering his kids by setting traps near walking trails.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 6: Stories of a vicious predator killing animals. Gabby instills fear in Rowan, making her more dependent on her.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 7: Gabby makes an effort to be friendly. She entertains kids with stories about the Fairy Caves, smuggled treasure. TWIST: She wants to increase their curiosity about the caves.

LIFE THREATENING 10: Kids nearly drown while exploring caves when the tide rises. They have to climb the rock face to safety..

MIDPOINT: Archer notices Rowan is changing, becoming more withdrawn. She won’t confide in him, preferring to spend time with Gabby who treats her more like a daughter than she does Talulah.

MYSTERY 18: Archer steals document on arcane traditions and local legends about Selkies from Gabby’s library.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 8: Gabby Taylor is accused of trying to sabotage her own business. She asks Henry for help. (Red Herring)

MYSTERY 19: Archer visits community hall archives to try and get some answers from Oona about the Selkies. , When she takes off her gloves, Archer sees that Oona’s hands have evidence of old scars. It is like she wants him to see them.

TWIST: Archer learns that his mother is a Selkie and the ridges on his hands are where webs have been removed when he was an infant.

MYSTERY 20: Animal screeches heard at night. Local stories of banshees foretelling imminent death.

LIFE THREATENING 11: Hikers found injured by Archer and Talulah. They are airlifted to hospital on the mainland.

LIFE THREATENING 12: Major storm warnings.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 9: Gabby seduces Henry. TWIST: An earlier relationship is revealed. Gabby tells him that Talulah is his daughter.

LIFE THREATENING 13: Wind and high tides cause cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Eco-Centre, forcing the Taylor’s and Quinn’s to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in community hall. TWIST: Oona is Gabby estranged mother.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 10: Archer sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. TWIST: Gabby alters his findings to mess with the community.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 11: Gabby accuses Henry of raping her, turning Archer further against his father. TWIST: Henry realizes Gabby is unstable.

MYSTERY 21: Is Henry really Talulah’s daughter?

TURNING POINT 2: Rowan disappears and her stray dog found injured and bleeding.

LIFE THREATENING 14: Fear of vicious predator amps up in the village.

MYSTERY 22: Has Rowan wandered out on the barrens during the storm? Has she been a victim of the predator? TWIST: Armed villagers work together with Henry to search.

LIFE THREATENING 15: Henry decides to send Archer back to the city for his own protection. TWIST: Archer thinks Henry just wants him out of the way and doesn’t trust him to help. TWIST: Archer has run out of time to find Rowan and know more about his mother.

MYSTERY 23: What is Henry trying to protect Archer from?

LIFE THREATENING 16: Causeway damaged. TWIST: Island is cut off from the mainland during a storm. No one is going anywhere.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 12: Communications down.

LIFE THREATENING 17: Archer and Talulah take off on their own to find Rowan.

MYSTERY 24: Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

CLIMAX: Archer and Talulah discover Gabby holding Rowan captive in the cave.

MYSTERY 25: Why is Gabby doing this?

VILLAINS’ PLAN 13: A crazed Gabby threatens to kill Rowan with knife if they don’t do as she says. Gabby orders Talulah to tie Archer up. TWIST: Talulah complies but leaves it loose.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 14: Gabby has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy the home of the Selkies. She would be happy if the whole village was destroyed.

LIFE THREATENING 18: Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is now cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan.

LIFE THREATENING 19: Dog attacks Gabby, making her lose hold of Rowan. Just when Gabby is slashing at dog, a voice calls to her.

MYSTERY 26: Maeve and other Selkies emerge from ocean beckoning Gabby to join them. TWIST: It was Maeve Gabby loved all along and hated Henry for taking her away.

TWIST: Gabby had tried to reveal secret of Jiggers Remorse years ago alienating her from the village and her mother Oona.

LIFE THREATENING 20: Archer throws the explosives into the ocean.

MYSTERY 27: Will Gabby drown? Will Gabby become a Selkie?

RESOLUTION: Archer, Rowan, Henry and Oona and Talulah with rest of the villagers watch as Maeve appears one last time and then disappears into the ocean.

MYSTERY 28: Will Archer protect the secret of Jiggers Remorse?

MYSTERY29: Will Archer resolve problems with Henry?

MYSTERY 30: Will Archer and Rowan ever see their mother again?

</div>

[Norene Smiley]

Norene’s Thriller Plot! – The Maw

What I learned is that breaking the thriller down into components and inserting each type of sequence into the structure, made the challenge of building the beats of the plot more doable. Less overwhelming. Not perfect, but at least a possible draft of how the story could be revealed. AND, I switched up who the villain was! Revisions of Mystery Sequence and Villain’s Plan needed. Gabby Taylor – you are so evil.

THREE-ACT STRUCTURE:

OPENING: Quinn family driving to Jiggers Remorse. Archer arguing with father Henry about being forced to go (‘no wonder mom left you!’).

MYSTERY 1: What happened to his mother?

MYSTERY 2: Why are they going to Jiggers Remorse?

LIFE THREATENING 1: Disappearance of mother.

MYSTERY 3: Why is Archer so angry with his father?

INCITING INCIDENT: An approaching van veers, nearly forcing their car off the road to teeter on edge of a cliff. Henry has to call for a tow truck to take them to the island.

LIFE THREATENING 2: Near fatal car accident.

VILLAINS’ PLAN 1: Were they intentionally driven off the road?

MYSTERY 4: Why didn’t the van driver stop to help them?

MYSTERY 5: Why doesn’t Rowan speak? Is she deaf?

LIFE THREATENING 3: Car slides off the cliff while being hooked up to the tow truck.

MYSTERY 6: What kind of language are the locals speaking?

LIFE THREATENING 4: Fire in equipment shed at the Eco-Adventure Centre.

LIFE THREATENING 5: Archer is suspected of starting the fire and interrogated by RCMP from mainland.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Henry is pressured to make a report on the danger to the eco-system on Resolute Island to support closing off the island to outsiders.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: Local regulations bog down the operation of the Eco- Centre in red tape. (Red Herring)

VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: Increased vandalism of the Eco-Centre.

MYSTERY 7: Why is everyone so superstitious in Jiggers Remorse?

MYSTERY 8: What are the mysterious lights and shrouded figures on the barrens at night?

TURNING POINT 1: Archer finds letters from mother that Henry had kept secret. Fight with Henry.

MYSTERY 9: Why did Henry hide Maeve’s letters?

LIFE THREATENING 6: When Archer asks too many questions in the village, locals treat him roughly and threaten him.

MYSTERY 10: Warnings not to go exploring without a guide outside the village because of dangerous terrain.

MYSTERY 11: Why are locals denying information about Maeve when Archer knows she was from the island?

MYSTERY 12: Why did Oona become agitated when she noticed ridges on Rowan’s hands? Tries to inspect Rowan but Archer stops her.

MYSTERY 13: Why is the Talulah’s dog barking at night?

LIFE THREATENING 7: When scaling rock wall, Talulah’s climbing rope breaks and she falls, leaving her bruised and shaken.

MYSTERY 14: Gabby sees that rope has been cut. Who has done this?

MYSTERY 13: Why doesn’t Gabby report vandalism?

LIFE THREATENING 8: Seamus Dromgoole rescues Archer and Rowan from hunter’s trap on edge of barrens.

LIFE THREATENING 9: Henry gets in a fight with Seamus and Cormac at the local pub.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Stories of a vicious predator killing animals.

MYSTERY 14: Why does Gabby entice Archer with stories about the Fairy Caves, smuggling and treasure?

LIFE THREATENING 10: Kids are nearly drowned while exploring caves.

MIDPOINT: Archer notices Rowan is changing, becoming more distant.

MYSTERY 15: Archer steals document on arcane traditions and local legends from Henry’s papers.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Gabby Taylor is accused of trying to sabotage her own business. (Red Herring)

MYSTERY 16: Archer sees that Oona’s hands have evidence of old scars.

MYSTERY 17: Animal screeches heard at night. Local stories of banshees foretelling imminent death.

LIFE THREATENING 11: Hiker found injured. Airlifted to hospital on the mainland.

LIFE THREATENING 12: Major storm warnings.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 6: Gabby seduces Henry.

LIFE THREATENING 13: Wind and high tides cause cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Eco-Centre, forcing the Taylor’s and Quinn’s to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in community hall.

MYSTERY 18: Did Henry rape Gabby?

MYSTERY 19: Archer sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. Why is she doing this?

TURNING POINT 2: Rowan disappears and Talulah’s dog found savagely killed.

MYSTERY 20: Has Rowan wandered out on the barrens during the storm? Has she been a victim of the predator? Search parties.

LIFE THREATENING 14: Henry decides to send Archer back to the city for his own protection. Archer has run out of time.

LIFE THREATENING 15: Causeway damaged. Island is cut off from the mainland during a storm.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 7: Communications down.

LIFE THREATENING 16: Archer and Talulah take off on their own to find Rowan.

MYSTERY 21: Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.

CLIMAX: Archer and Talulah are discovered by Henry spying on religious ceremony of Selkies shedding their skin inside the caves.

MYSTERY 22: What is the rite about?

MYSTERY 23: Are these creatures from the sea dangerous?

MYSTERY 24: What is Archer’s mother doing here?

LIFE THREATENING 17: Will villagers harm Archer and Talulah to keep the secret?

MYSTERY 25: Who has stollen Maeve’s skin to prevent her from returning to her ocean home again?

MYSTERY 26: Who is Talulah’s father?

VILLAINS’ PLAN 8: Gabby threatens to kill Rowan.

RESOLUTION: Archer and Henry are briefly reunited with Maeve before she returns to the sea with Rowan.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley. Reason: Once I decided to change who the villain was I needed to revise assignments 5 - 8

[Norene Smiley]

Norene’s Life Threatening Sequence – The Maw

What I learned from this assignment is that there are a wealth of potential dangers and pitfalls that will be useful to raise the stakes and the interest of the story.

Life Threatening Sequence

Villain’s Plan: Gabby vows to take revenge against Maeve Quinn and her family.

The Hero, Archer, is in danger because:

• He asks too many questions, notices when things are not right.

• He is friends with Talulah Taylor, Gabby’s daughter

He is trying to find out about his mother, Maeve Quinn, a Selkie who has left her family and returned to her ocean home.

Archer is Maeve’s first born, looks like herald a stinging reminder of al the things Gabby has lost.

Potential dangers Hero could experience as he tries to solve the mystery and confront the Villain:

• Archer, as an outsider, is a convenient scapegoat for the vandalism.

• Archer and his family have a near car accident on the way to Resolute Island. A van veers out of control on a road running along a cliff, narrowly missing them and racing away without stopping to help.

• When Archer’s natural curiosity has him asking questions in the village, he is treated roughly, ignored, refused help, threatened, only making him more determined.

•When scaling a rock wall at the Eco-Adventure Centre, Talulah’s climbing rope breaks. Archer is accused of cutting it.

• Shrouded figures appear and disappear. Everyone says it is just the swirling fog. Archer feels like he is being watched, making him nervous and willing to take chances to escape scrutiny.

• Something about Oona, the librarian/historian, reminds Archer of his mother, but she denies knowledge of Maeve Quinn and refuses to cooperate with his queries into local legends.

• A fire breaks out in the equipment shed and Archer is accused of starting it. Both he and Talulah had been in the shed together. She does not speak up to defend him, afraid of her mother’s anger.

Archer is questioned by the local RCMP and detained until his father gets him released.

• When Archer and Rowan venture on to the barrens following strange lights thinking they have something to do with Rowan’s disappearance, they fall into an animal trap and have to be rescued from the pit by garrulous and armed Seamus Dromgoole.

• Henry is frustrated and disappointed in Archer, putting more strain on their relationship.

• Archer, Talulah and Rowan are encouraged to explore the Limestone Caves that seem to be a focal point of whispers and rumour. They get trapped when the tide rises. They have to climb the cliff or drown.

Just when Archer feels he is getting closer to solving the mystery of his mother and who is really responsible for the threatening disasters disrupting the community, his sister Rowan disappears. Henry decides to send Archer back to the city to keep him safe. Archer has to act before he loses the chance.

• Archer takes off at night with Talulah to find Rowan despite the dangers at every turn.

Archer thinks he hears his name called from the beach and climbs down to the caves to investigate.

Archer and Talulah are discovered by angry villagers at an ancient ceremony in the caves.

• Archer has to risk his own life to save his sister from the vengeful Gabby.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE’S MYSTERY SEQUENCE – The Maw

What I learned: I can understand Secret/Coverup more clearly than thinking of this process as Coverup = Mystery.

What is the BIG Secret that the Villain is covering up?

Gabby Taylor feels Maeve Doyle stole Henry Quinn away in their youth, mesmerizing him with her power as a Selkie. She vowed to get her revenge on Maeve, her family and the secret of the Selkies..

MYSTERIES TO COVER UP THE SECRET

Mystery 1: Who is causing trouble in Jiggers Remorse? (Main Mystery)

• Archer, Talulah and Rowan are always getting into trouble and sticking their noses into other people’s business.

• Archer is resentful and angry at his father Henry for dragging the family to Jiggers Remorse.

• The superstitions of the locals make them more easily believe in tales of supernatural menace.

• The legend of Selkies harming humans and enticing them to their deaths is well known and believed in the area.

• Henry’s report could disrupt the way of life on Resolute Island and bring unwanted attention to their activities.

• Rowan is a strange child who unnerves people and Gabby plays on that.

Mystery 2: What is Henry Quinn hiding? (Red Herring)

• Henry is not telling the kids anything about their mother. Refuses to discuss her. Avoids the topic even when he knows they are upset and missing her.

• Henry hides letters to Archer from his mother.

• Henry never told the kids that their mother was from Jiggers Remorse.

• Henry insists the kids take part in an Eco-adventure on Resolute Island, even though Archer had a basketball tournament in St. John’s.

• When Archer raises concerns about weird things happening in Jiggers Remorse, his father tries to pass them off as his imagination.

• Henry’s report could endanger the village’s relationship to the Selkies.

• Henry shows interest in Gabby and is willing to fall into a relationship.

Mystery 3: What is the village of Jiggers Remorse hiding? (Red Herring)

• The superstitious habits of the locals are off-putting and ominous to outsiders.

• The villagers do not take kindly to people from away and go out of their way to make them feel uncomfortable.

• Locals misdirect and try to scare people away from certain areas of the island.

• Village council discourages new business and ventures in the community.

• The causeway to the Resolute Island is declared unsafe for public travel, cutting everyone off from the mainland.

Mystery 4: What is Gabby Taylor hiding?

• Gabby grew up in Jiggers Remorse and couldn’t wait to leave when she was young.

• Gabby surprisingly returns to the community to start an eco-adventure business that will draw people to the area.

• Gabby had a huge crush on Henry when he was on the island one summer as a student.

• Gabby has a daughter Talulah but has never revealed who her father is.

• Gabby was best friends with Maeve Doyle until Maeve stole Henry’s heart.

• Gabby does not report acts of vandalism to the authorities.

• Gabby blames Arthur for getting Talulah into trouble.

• Gabby encourages the kids to explore dangerous Limestone caves.

• Gabby seduces Henry.

• Gabby alters Henry’s report and tries to release it to the media, to point the finger at Henry for endangering the village and its secret.

• Gabby plays the victim, saying she was raped by Henry.

• Gabby kidnaps Rowan to threaten Maeve.

• Gabby threatens to reveal the secret of the Selkies

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley’s Villain Has a Great Plan! – The Maw

What I learned from this assignment – This exercise made me question my initial concept and earlier plans and start working on developing and reassigning the characters and their goals, reworking mystery, intrigue and suspense. Getting into the story development more deeply and trying to work out some kind of logical sequencing to support MIS. It is all fluid right now and likely will change as I go along.

HERO: Archer Quinn, visiting the village of Jiggers Remorse on Resolute Island, Newfoundland with his family for a Eco-Adventure

NEW RED HERRINGS:

Predator in the Barrens

Henry Quinn, Archer’s father

Village Council: Seamus Dromgoole, fisherman; Cormac Hewson, general store; Oona Doyle, local amateur historian

NEW VILLAIN:

Gabby Taylor, operator of Destination Survival, Eco-Adventures

VILLAIN’S PLAN

What is the End Goal? To get revenge on Maeve for stealing Henry Away from her.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

• Suggest the village ask Henry to do environmental impact study for the area to get the Quinn’s to visit the island.

• Sabotage her own business to get Henry’s sympathy and support.

• Misdirection, wild goose chases and lies to put Maeve’s family in danger.

• Instil fear in locals and visitors through amping up myth of the Banshee wails warning of deaths, mysterious shrouded figures, disappearing tourists, vicious predator

• Seduce Henry

• Alter Henry’s report to endanger secret of Jiggers Remorse.

• Reveal the secret home of the Selkies to put Maeve and her folk in danger.

How can she cover it up?

• Take advantage of the superstitions and fears of the villagers.

• Utilize the isolated location and unpredictable weather (storms & fog) to interfere with communication, as well as dangerous terrain and (barrens, cliffs, limestone caves)

• Use Henry Quinn’s reputation as a marine biologist to draw the attention of news media to reveal secret of the island.

• Put blame on Selkies for disasters and life-threatening occurrences.

• Establish pattern that shows Maeve’s children are troublemakers.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley’s SOTL Stacking Suspense – Silence of the Lambs

What I learned doing this assignment:

Pacing – the pacing of each scene amped up the suspense, especially from around scenes #30 to 40, where there was rapid switching back and forth between the FBI swat team descending on a suspect’s house and Clarice investigating alone in Ohio questioning a man living in the house of the first victim’s friend. We are led to believe they are in the same location as the action and intrigue synchronize e.g. door bells ringing. Really well done, bringing you to the edge of your seat, until you realize they are not in the same place at all. ‘Clarice!’ Oh she is in terrible danger now.

2. Visuals – Throughout this film, the Character MIS of Clarice – her resolute take-charge nature despite vulnerability, refusing to be a victim, her intellect and determination – was repeatedly shown visually, emphasizing what an exceptional person she was, even though she might have been the underdog. Examples: small Clarice was always in spaces with many large men looming, staring at her – the elevator, the mortuary. The intriguing, dangerous, intellectually superior Hannibal Lector – the mask making him literally look like a monster; his smelling of the air to sense Clarice’s perfume; how people react to him and the overwhelming security put in place; the sacrificial pose of the murdered policemen in the hotel ballroom; his intense piercing stare when with Clarice. There is no doubt how lethal he is.

3. Details – This film was not hesitant to make sure we picked up essential clues, pointing us in certain directions and building the suspense.: e.g.. Chilton’s mislaid pen (we know Lector can turn anything into a weapon); the hotel elevator dial stopping on the third floor (what is going on? who is up there?); Lector’s lamb chop dinner (echoing Clarice’s dramatic slaughtered lamb story) as well as the ‘Bon Appetite poster and drawings of Clarice on the table (showing Lector’s intent and obsessions); the inspirational worded signs on the FBI training course including ‘LOVE’ echoed later in Buffalo Bill’s hand tattoo; Buffalo Bill’s creepy use of night vision goggles to spy on victim Catherine repeated in his stalking of Clarice in his hell hole of a basement. The attention to detail supported and amplified our feelings of dread, apprehension and curiosity; the doorbells ringing in both Ohio and Chicago homes.

4. Stakes – The stakes increased and sometimes changed in clever ways as the story progressed: Lector’s move away from despicable Dr. Chilton if he cooperates with FBI;

Claire willing to be vulnerable and let Lector ‘inside her head’ as a trade off to get his knowledge to save the victim; the urgent deadline to save Catherine.

5. Misdirection – Misleading us to believe the FBI and Clarice are honing in on the same suspect; injured policemen taken away in ambulance from hotel.

6. Dialogue – How dialogue continually supported the MIS of the story and characters.

Dr. Chilton to Clarice: ‘You are his taste’ (is Crawford setting Clarice to be a victim of Lector?)

Emphasizing enormous amount of security needed for Lector: ‘Do not touch the glass, approach the glass…’ (Lector really must be a monster)

Claire to Dr. Chilton: suggesting he not be with her when she interviews Lector (illustrating her standing up to his arrogant treatment of her, her bravery in face of dangerous situation)

Claire to policemen in morgue: telling them that they are no longer needed and to leave (taking charge even though she is still a student, she is the only woman in the room and her FBI boss is there) Makes her even more intriguing.

7. Clumsy scenes or plot points that did not make sense that I would not have noticed if I hadn’t been looking so closely (unless I missed something?)

Clarice’s friend Ardelia dropping the phone receiver and running down hospital hallway (I had no idea what this added to the story or what its significance was. maybe Ardelia was desperate to tell Clarice about the ambulance victims??)
the use of Clarice and Ardelia talking through clues for exposition purposes (the rest of the film did not need to resort to this. This scene stuck out like a sore thumb, stopped action and seemed apart from the rest of the story)
Claire seeing the diamond pattern on the dress in a victim’s closet and immediately knowing Buffalo Bill was skinning victims to make himself an outfit, to transform. Also easily finding the photos of victim posing naked in her jewellery box. Both seemed a bit too easy, no matter how smart Clarice was.

8. I loved that a Villainous character like Lector is so well developed with all the mystery, intrigue and suspenseful bells and whistles that at some point we are rooting for him, no matter how monstrous we can be…as long as he does not come after Clarice.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY’S ASSIGNMENT 1: BASIC INSTINCT

What I learned doing this assignment:

1. Every scene dealt with MIS from beginning to end.

2. Every character seems damaged.

3. Every scene challenged the protagonist and made life worse for him.

4. The story kept us guessing right until the very end, and beyond.

5. Doubt was cast on the protagonist’s character, leaving him vulnerable, full of human weaknesses and lying to himself. On top of that he lost his best friend, Gus, and was in love with the killer. We have to question his judgement.

6. The viewer is led to hope for a happy ending for these two conflicted characters BUT then we are hit with the secreted ice pick!

Yikes!

7. I had forgotten about the power of the classic scene of Catherine being interviewed by a roomful of policemen. The dynamics and manipulation were stunning and made her a formidable adversary.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

3. NORENE’S WORLD & CHARACTERS USING MIS – ‘THE MAW’

What I learned doing this assignment: To think sideways and brainstorm possibilities to up the stakes.

CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of ‘The Maw’

• Big Mystery: What is happening in the village of Linden Close?

• Big Intrigue: What are the locals hiding? What or who is responsible for killing people in the coastal community? Why won’t Archer forgive his father? Why did Archer’s mother abandon the family?

• Big Suspense: Will Archer be able to save his sister? Will the Quinn family survive?

2. Intriguing World: Survival Adventure Tourism in isolated Newfoundland hamlet surrounded by challenging environment and a local population steeped in superstition.

3. Characters:

Hero: Archer Quinn – teen suffering loss of his mother and at odds with his father

A. Mystery: Why does he resent his father?

B. Intrigue: What secret is he hiding related to the disappearance of his mother?

C. Suspense: Can Archer gather the courage to face his fears and save his sister no matter what the cost?

Red Herring: Gerry Quinn – Archer and Ellie’s father, desperate to keep the family together

A. Mystery: What is his real background?

B. Intrigue: Why won’t he talk about his wife? Why was he so adamant they come to Linden Close?

C. Suspense: What is he willing to do to save his family?

Villain: Oona Doyle – Tourism operator and guide on survival challenges

A. Mystery: What is she protecting?

B. Intrigue: Does she have something to do with missing tourists?

Why does she lie to Archer about the limestone caves?

C. Suspense: Can she be trusted? How does she keep disappearing and appearing unexpectedly?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 2 – Creating the Big MIS – ‘The Maw’

What I learned doing this assignment is how to pare down the idea of the story into its key ingredients.

Logline: The scenic town of Linden Close welcomes eco-tourists, like Archer Quinn and his family, to experience its unique brand of outdoor survival adventures. When his younger sister disappears, the game becomes all too real. Can Archer save his sister? Will they get out alive?

1. Conventions of story

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Archer – A teenage boy dealing with the abandonment of his mother and resenting his father who is desperately trying to keep the family together

Dangerous Villain: Evil entity lurking in the wilderness

High stakes: Life of sister Ellie, life of Archer, life of father Gerry

Life and death situations: Dangerous environment, precarious physical challenges, disappearing tourists, untrustworthy locals, evil predator

This story is thrilling because? Archer does not know who to trust, if he is up for the dangerous adventures, if he can save his sister, if he can survive. He faces challenges at every turn, physically and psychologically.

2. Big M.I.S. of ‘The Maw’

Big Mystery: What is happening in the village of Linden Close? Why did Archer’s mother abandon the family? Why won’t Archer forgive his father?

Big Intrigue: What are the locals hiding? What or who is responsible for killing people in the coastal community?

Big Suspense: Will Archer be able to save his sister? Will the Quinn family survive?

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 1 – THRILLER CONVENTIONS – “THE CONTRACTOR”

What I learned doing this assignment is The Contractor may not have been a ‘Great Thriller’ as thrillers go mostly due to a slow start, but it used enough of the thriller conventions to make you worry for the protagonist and wonder how he and his little family were going to survive.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: James Harper, a dedicated and decorated Green Beret is discharged from the army due to steroid use for his chronic knee pain. To support his family he asks his best friend Mike to get him a job with a private security contractor, Rusty Jennings. His first assignment is to investigate a research virology laboratory determined to have ties to Al-Qaeda. James is ordered to recover the research data and eliminate the scientist. But James has not been told the truth.

Dangerous Villain: Rusty Jennings who hires disaffected ex-military for covert missions. He proclaims to be creating a tribe of men that can count on each other unlike the military that “chewed them up and spit them out”. Rusty is less than honourable, takes jobs from corporate clients with unscrupulous intentions and is willing to sacrifice his own men on missions to keep things quiet.

High stakes: James’ life. MIke’s life. Welfare of families. The experimental virus will save thousands of people world-wide when distributed for free but corporations want to make money selling it.

Life and death situations: Infiltrating the research lab; shootout with police; attack by other operatives; attack at safe house; confrontation with Mike; attack on Rusty’s compound.

This movie is thrilling because? The realistic and ominous tone of the film. Short on dialogue and focussed on the self-contained protagonist who is damaged by both his upbringing and his dangerous career in the military.

3. Big Mystery: What is the mission really about? Who is trying to kill James?

Big Intrigue: The scientist who is supposedly into viral terrorism is really developing a serum to cure mankind of a deadly virus.

Big Suspense: Will James survive the target on his back to make it back to his family?

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? The tense and understated acting by the protagonist. He seems like a bomb ready to go off – his relationship with father who deserted the family; financial pressures at home; losing his military career; losing military friends to suicide; needing to prove himself better than his father. The realization that he has been a pawn in killing the scientist leading him to be a target for elimination by his own company as well as the supposed betrayal by friend MIke are the last straws. He will never be able to return home unless he eliminates Rusty. Empathetic hero.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Hello everyone. My name is Norene Smiley and I live in the small village of Pugwash, Nova Scotia, Canada, world renowned for peace resolution conferences. I have a background in children’s literature and have written three picture books, poetry and a middle grade novel. I am also a visual artist and have written and produced a number of short films, and one feature length. I signed up for the Mastering the Thriller to help me strengthen the plot of a fantasy/sci fi novel I am in the middle of. I think incredibly nasty villains make a story much more fun to write.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MODULE 2, LESSON 10 ASSIGNMENT – EPISODE TITLES

What I learned by doing this assignment: Fine tuning and highlighting the intent and movement of each episode helps focus the narrative each step of the way.

EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS:

EPISODE 1 DESCRIPTION: UNDER ATTACK!

The Keep is under attack. The protective wards and charms are failing. No matter how much Bardo and Pip try to reinforce the barricades, they are no match for the relentless onslaught of the machines of Tranquil. This might be the end. Bardo and Pip hurry as much of the collection as they can into reinforced repositories, charge the barriers and activate the barbican.

Bardo is torn between saving his life’s work and protecting Pip. She refuses to hide, wanting to help him defend their home. He has done everything he could think of to prepare her for the worst. Despite her size she is wiry and strong, with an advanced understanding of mechanics and elements of the natural world. He knows she’s resourceful for one so young. It’s her increasingly unpredictable outbursts that has him worried. She has not been herself and now, in crisis, she is filled with rage and losing control.

Pip can hardly breath. She is burning up. The pressure building inside her is almost unbearable. When the first machines break through the outer walls, she combusts, forcing the invaders back, sending everything flying and propelling Pip and Fidget out of The Keep into the unknown.

EPISODE 2 DESCRIPTION: ON THE RUN

Bang! Pip and Fidget almost get swept up by a street cleaning omnibus. They are on the run in the dangerous Outside world of the mechanical city of Tranquil. It couldn’t be more different than The Keep. Machines busily at work, the whirrs and clicks, the tang of diesel, the perfection of a glaring blue sky, and not an iota of anything natural in the whole urban landscape. One wrong step could be fatal. Diving under a caterpillar-like commuter train loaded with humans revelling on their way to Pleasure Domes, Pip and Fidget have to navigate countless obstacles and relentless machines, using distractions and cunning not to be noticed.

Fidget’s workings are flashing on and off, making him unreliable as a navigational tool. Pip has to compensate and rely on herself. She needs to concentrate on how to avoid detection and get back to the Keep but this noisy alien world has left her dazed and jittery. If that isn’t enough, mishaps and accidents seem to plague her wherever she goes.

Pip sees what happens to anomalies in this environment. They are quickly and efficiently dispatched. It soon becomes obvious that Pip has been noticed. Her presence alone has caused a fissure in the smooth surface of Tranquil. There seems to be more robots patrols searching and questioning.

Just when Pip thinks they are safe, a street waif snatches Fidget and take off at a run.

EPISODE 3 DESCRIPTION: HIDING IN THE SHADOWS

Pip has the street waif, Toodie backed up against a wall. Pip ‘s first reaction is to retaliate but manages to hold herself in check. Toodie offers to lead her to relative safety of the Shades, back alley dwellers.

Can she trust Toodie and the leader of the Shades, Sorry One-Eye?

Warned by Fidget, Pip narrowly avoids the collapse of a bridge. The mounting number of disruptions everywhere Pip goes are alerting the machines to her location. Using her agility and ability to problem solve, Pip joins the Shades as they move like rats through the city, stealing and foraging. Sometimes she thinks she sees Bardo but it must be just wishful thinking.

Pip is blamed for bad luck the Shades are experiencing. Some think she is a threat to their security. A mistake by Pip alerts the patrolling machines. Machines invade the warren with little regard for life and limb. They are on a mission to hunt and destroy, not capture. Surviving Shades are forced further underground. Pip saves Toodie from the sweep only moments before the alley is sealed and disinfected.

EPISODE 4 DESCRIPTION: YOUR CHILDREN ARE SAFE WITH US

Pip and Toodie hide inside an amusement park, trying to blend in with a crowd of mesmerized humans, watching an animatronic puppet show. Children in the crowd are systematically lured away by clown-like robots without their parents noticing. Fidget sounds the alarm before Pip and Toodie are nearly scooped up.

Children are disappearing throughout the city and no one seems to care. There are rumours that they have been taken to the Institute for Child Protection. Advertisements promote the benefits of the Institute and how much better the city will run if families are relieved of raising their own children. The Institute is touted as warm, welcoming, with engaging toys and healthy food. It looks like a wonderland. And Agrippa Chafe, the adored and motherly matron, is hailed as a saviour. Parents are convinced and routinely deliver their offspring to the Institute’s care.

Pip wonders if the Institute would be the home she has always yearned for but Toodie and Fidget are leery and convince her that something smells rotten. They keep an eye on the comings and goings from the Institute. They notice how many children go in and none ever come out. Only a gang of toughs, seem to have the freedom to roam beyond the Institute’s gates.

The leader of the gang, Nancy, is mean and vindictive, bullying others, intimidating humans and machines and making life miserable for everyone. At first Pip keeps a low profile to avoid Nancy’s notice. But when she sees him abusing a old woman, she steps in and confronts him, making Pip a target for his cruelty.

Pip wakes up the next morning and Toodie is gone. What happened to her?

EPISODE 5 DESCRIPTION: MISSING

Pip is terrified that something bad has happened and is filled with anxiety. She has to find Toodie.

In their search, Pip and Fidget learn more about the workings of the machines and the culture of Tranquil, where everything, even the climate is controlled and rigid precision is expected, otherwise someone/something will pay. It is foreign to them and they long for natural things and Bardo, who’s calm guidance looks better and better the longer they are away from the Keep. Pip’s head is pounding and she feels like she is losing control. Would it be easier to just let the machines find her? No, she resolves to find Toodie if it is the last thing she does.

Nancy’s vendetta against Pip increases until she retaliates, scaring him off with a series of explosions, letting him see what she is capable of and giving him a weapon to use against her. Pip now has the clown machines from the Institute searching for her.

Pip witnesses a nest of back alley children being unearthed by machines and puts herself in jeopardy to save them. She causes a distraction enabling the children to be whisked away by the Shades.

Pip and Fidget are chased through the dark streets only avoiding capture by the night crawlers by jumping aboard a supply trolley headed inside a Pleasure Dome.

EPISODE 6 DESCRIPTION: EVERYTHING IS PERFECT IN TRANQUIL

Pip slowly comes awake. She is in a fog. Fidget has been valiantly trying to rouse her. The trolley is stocked with the powerful mesmerizer, Juice. Crawling out from the depot, they find themselves inside a Pleasure Dome, a blur of colour and music and laughter.

When discovered, Pip is treated like a toy by humans who live in a constant state of delirious pleasure. Nothing is real in the Pleasure Dome, where nature, animals and plants are illusions. Pip feels distain for beings that are willing to be pacified and pampered, with no control over themselves. It reinforces Pip’s desire to be independent and find her own true self.

Fidget and Pip intercept orders that point to a plan to cull the human population in the Dome. How can they stop it? When Pip tries to tell the humans what the machines intend, no one listens to her. A fully machine-controlled city looks to be unavoidable. Even when the tension within her builds and cracks start to appear in the dome, the humans don’t seem to notice, willing to be herded by recreation facilitators.

Pip and Fidget have to get out of the Dome and leave the humans behind. before they lose their focus.

A small group of resistance fighters infiltrate the Dome to free the humans. Pip is extracted by Bardo and invited to join the resistance, planning to depose the rule by machines.

EPISODE 7 DESCRIPTION: SUICIDE MISSION

Pip and Fidget are part of the underground resistance, scouting weaknesses in the machine’s regime. Again Pip finds herself abandoned to save herself as the other resistance fighters leave her open to capture on the latest mission. She barely escapes.

Pip does not know who to trust and realizes she can only really rely on herself. She is disillusioned and angry. She feels like an outsider. Despite Bardo’s support, the resistance fighters are uneasy around her. They think she is a loose cannon.

The battle between machines and the resistance is coming to a head, with the machines looking to be victorious. Central Control now under high alert. Pip is the #1 enemy of the city state. Some feel that Pip’s presence puts the resistance movement in danger.

In a last attempt to change the direction of the fight, Pip is asked to join a suicide mission. She will be used as a decoy to concentrate the machines’ focus, while the other fighters attack Control Central.

The mission is compromised by Pip’s increasing inability to control herself. Toodie reappears to offer an escape route and lead people to safety. Where has she been all this time?

EPISODE 8 DESCRIPTION: THE NIGHT CRAWLERS

After the assault on Central Control fails, Pip is considered a liability and infighting in the resistance makes her position there untenable. She not only has to avoid the machines and enemies in the resistance, she increasingly has to keep the power that is seething within her under wraps. It seems impossible.

After a disagreement with Bardo, she leaves the resistance. Toodie insists on going with her. With no fixed plans and without the protection of the resistance, Pip and Toodie are again easy prey for Nancy and his roaming gang of bullies terrorizing the streets. But Pip and Toodie are faster and wilier, using the rooftops and skyways to allude them.

It looks like they will get away, until Toodie runs into a blind alley on the construction site of the Museum of Fabrication. Agrippa and her machines are waiting. Just when all is lost, and it looks like they will be crushed under the treads of a night crawler, the ground opens up and hands snatch the children into the underbelly of the city — Turbine.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MODULE 2, LESSON ASSIGNMENT 9 – NON-STOP INTRIGUE

What I learned from this assignment: I cannot stop the digging deeper into the story part.. On-going, all the time. Which is great. Lots more layers and ways to engage more with the characters and new ways to delve into their relationships. I realize I am two months behind in the schedule for this course but I am trying not to worry about it. It will make the writing better in the end.

Some changes I made to the Pitch Bible:

• set up – considered the idea of using eternity chronometer (chaos-charged device) that is put in Pip’s care at the time of the machine’s attack on the Keep

set up – using environmental issues as in how humans had depleted resources and created a wasteland out side the city states. payoff – the chaos is a way for nature to reclaim world
set up – repositioned Fidget from fumbling sidekick to key figure in helping Pip control the chaos
set up – reconsidered the relationship between Bardo and Pip for more intrigue as to his original motives in giving her a mechanical heart
set up – looking deeper into Toodie’s role as waif who is used to entice children to the Institute, betray allies. Pay off – Pip has moral dilemma to sacrifice her
used the Intrigue patterns to heighten the tension and interest throughout the Bible
tried to up the stakes wherever possible
set up – more mystery around Agrippa Chafe and her past relationship with the Regulator. pay off – more 3-D character building and possible empathy for the villain
tried to intensify the language used throughout
revised to have stronger cause and effect re characters’ actions
set up – Bardo acting strangely. Pay off – forced to reveal Pip’s part in the Chaos that is about to descend – but is he telling her everything? Or is he declining?
reworked to parallel Pip’s story with that of the arc of the Chaos
laid in more Open Loops and mysteries

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MOD 2, LESSON 8 ASSIGNMENT – INTRIGUE PATTERNS

What I learned from this assignment: There are many ways to unveil the same information. Some work better than others. I am finding it hard to choose, so I wrote a composite.

Sample line from Pitch Bible:

But Pip couldn’t be more wrong. There are signs that things are not as they should be and The Keep is feeling the strain. The walls groan all night long. The collections are acting out and disrupting the order of things. No matter how much Bardo reinforces the barricades, he can tell they are failing. Bardo is forced to tell Pip the awful truth.

Chosen Revision using Intrigue Patterns:

But Pip couldn’t be more wrong. There is change in the air. The walls groan and wail in the night. The corridors shutter, change direction, or disappear altogether. Wherever Pip goes, the collections chatter. When the goats refuse to eat and the button repository mutinies and rattles madly through the halls, Bardo orders her to keep away and stick to reinforcing the seals protecting The Keep. But even this is a disaster. Every time Pip secures a holding charm or anchors a latch, it springs ajar or fizzles into a sad puddle as soon as she turns her back.

And Bardo won’t talk to her. Won’t look her in the eye. He lurks and sneaks, mutters darkly. When he stays up all night sharpening his knives and crying in his beard, the hairs on the back of Pip’s neck buzz like hornets. Bardo is forced to tell her the awful truth.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation – Module 2, Lesson 7 assignment

What I learned by doing this assignment: I took a lot longer with this assignment than some of the others. It seemed key to developing the story further, deeper. I discovered that I had asked myself some of these questions already and have had them tumbling around looking for eventual answers to make all the pieces fit together. There are still questions that need to be answered however and those Open Questions are probably the most valuable from this exercise. I realize that I still have to figure out the internal logic of the story, as in How the Chaos Prophesy works and the arc of the chaos throughout the story as it pertains to the main protagonist, Pip (previously named Scrap). I feel I am finally digging deeper into the narrative, all good, even if I have a lot more to juggle now. Certainly a more layered effort and hopefully more engaging. I have been editing the Pitch Bible on an on-going basis as I think of new twists and turns so no new substantial rewrites.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MOD 2 – LESSON 6 ASSIGNMENT – SHOW SUMMARY

What I learned doing this assignment: This is a process. Had to take the time to adjust the original BW Framework because the details have changed in the last 5 assignments.

SUMMARY FORMAT: Pilot as Inciting Incident

2. OUTLINE:

Set up – Scrap is a darkling orphan under the care of her guardian Bardo in the superstition- riddled hide-hole of The Keep, a haven for all things outcast and discarded remnants of the natural world. Like any kid she rebels against authority. Scrap struggles with the crazy restrictions she is forced to live with. Come on! How many times does she need to wind up the wards around the doors and windows anyway. The Keep is hidden. Who would want to get in to big old pile of junk anyway.

Twist – When he saved her as an infant, Bardo gave her a mechanical heart. This threw the relationship between nature, humans and the machines they created out of balance, setting off an ancient Chaos Prophesy, an environmental apocalypse that will wipe the slate clean. Scrap is destined to be the instrument of destruction, which completely sucks.

Real Situation/ Empathy & Distress – Scrap just wants to be loved and be safe. She didn’t ask to cause the end of world. This is just too much responsibility for one small kid. Resentment builds and Scrap is consumed with an uncontrollable rage. Marks appear on her arms. What do they mean? She is more and more filled with a power she has no control over.

Twist/Hook – She wants control over her life but everything is out of control.

Impossible to solve Conflict/Mystery – she wants to save the natural world but she is destined to destroy it.

Final Hook/Extreme Dramatic Question – Will she have to sacrifice herself to change her destiny?

3. ROUGH DRAFT:

Scrap is a darkling orphan under the care of her guardian Bardo in the superstition-riddled hide-hole of The Keep. This bunker holds the last remnants of the natural world cast out by a society overrun by machines. The Keep is the last stand before nature is completely eradicated. Bardo with the help of Scrap and her junkdaw Fidget, strives to fortify and protect The Keep under increased danger of exposure to the Outside World.

Like any kid, Scrap rebels against authority. Scrap struggles with the crazy restrictions Bardo has imposed and all the tasks they have to constantly perform to make The Keep tight as a drum. Come on! How many times does she need to wind up the wards and concealing charms around the doors and windows anyway. The Keep is hidden. Who would want to break into the big old pile of junk anyway?

But Scrap couldn’t be more wrong. There are signs that things are not as they should be and The Keep is feeling the strain. The walls groan all night long. The collections are acting out and disrupting the order of things. No matter how much Bardo reinforces the barricades, he can tell they are failing. Bardo is forced to tell Scrap the awful truth.

When he discovered her as an infant, Bardo had to give her a mechanical heart to save her life. This threw the relationship between nature, human and their machines out of balance, setting off an ancient Chaos Prophesy. Scrap is destined to be the instrument of destruction in an ultimate battle. Which completely sucks.

Scrap just wants to be loved and be safe. She doesn’t want to cause end of world. This is just too much pressure for one small kid. Resentment builds and Scrap is consumed with an rage that is out of her control. Marks appear on her arms. What do they mean? There is a voice in her head constantly urging her to do things that she knows she will get in trouble for.

And now Bardo is acting weird around her, like she is some kind of bomb that is ready to explode. And maybe she is. He hovers. His eyes are always watching her, even when he tries to hide it. He has a funny look on his face when he thinks she’s not looking. Scary but sad. He has been sharpening his knives a lot lately and he can’t stop crying. She even catches him about to put poison in their nightly pudding. He wouldn’t really do that, would he?

Is Bardo her enemy now? Is there no one she can trust? Fidget has been trying to tell her something for days but he malfunctions so much she can’t make out what he is saying.

Of course Scrap wants to save the natural world but she is destined to destroy, well, just about everything. What is a kid to do? Will she have to sacrifice herself to change her destiny?

When they hear the first sounds of drilling and an ominous grinding shakes The Keep to its foundations, Bardo knows they have run out of time. The machines are attacking. And they want Scrap.

[Norene Smiley]

posted in wrong area

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY MOD 2- LESSON 5: EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

What I learned doing this assignment: Trying to think of the HOOK for this. I realize most of the previous assignments have been helping me work my way through the story, thinking sideways and looking for new possibilities. Now the Hook, brainstorming the thing that might make it interesting to others, other than me. More work needed, for sure.

EPISODE 1:

Hook: The Keep, steeped in superstition and mystery. Guardian Bardo is about to kill Scrap to defuse and ancient prophesy, but he can’t go through with it. When he rescued her as an infant, he gave her a mechanical heart. Scrap learns she is destined to be instrument that will end of the world.

Main Character Journey: Scrap using skills learned in the Keep. She invents Fidget (part cockroach/part machine) but he is defective. Scrap goes into a snit, revealing she is not in control of herself; signs that she hasn’t been for awhile. She practices self control under Bardo’s tutelage to calm her increasingly unpredictable outbursts, but it is hard. Old issues of resentment and feelings of abandonment rise up. She hears a voice in her head urging her to become her own true self, throw off all the restrictions.

Main Challenge/Conflict: Signs that the wards and charms protecting the Keep are under stress and failing; the whole Keep is uneasy; Scrap in rebellion has neglected to secure the fortifications.

Action/Reaction: Machines attack the Keep; Scrap helps Bardo/protect hide the collection.

Cliffhanger: Scrap causes an explosion which forces the machines back and propels her out of the refuge Keep.

EPISODE 1 DESCRIPTION: The Keep

The Keep, steeped in superstition and mystery. Bardo is about to kill the darkling orphan Scrap to defuse the prophesy, but he can’t go through with it. He expresses his regret that his actions have put an ancient prophesy in motion. When he rescued her as an infant, he gave her a mechanical heart, crossing a line in the uneasy relationship between humans and machines. Scrap learns she is destined to be instrument that will end of the world. She is frustrated and put upon, not feeling too positive about herself. or others.

Scrap using skills learned in the Keep – problem solving, agility, understanding mechanics and elements of the natural world. She experiments, inventing Fidget (part cockroach/part machine) under Bardo’s watchful eye. Something is not right though, Fidget is unreliable. Scrap goes into a snit, revealing she is not in control of herself; signs that she hasn’t been for awhile, impacting her relationship with Bardo. She practices self control under Bardo’s tutelage to calm her increasingly unpredictable outbursts, but it is hard. Old issues of resentment and feelings of abandonment rise up. She hears a voice in her head urging her to become her own true self, throw off all the restrictions.

Signs that the wards and charms protecting the Keep are under stress and failing; the whole Keep is uneasy; Scrap in rebellion has neglected to secure the fortifications. Bardo’s disappointment in her and alarm that Scrap is becoming someone/something that he can no longer control.. She questions her own abilities and pushes back when Bardo attempts to help her.

Machines attack the Keep; Scrap helps Bardo/protect hide the collection. Scrap is overtaken with fear and anger, causing an explosion which forces the machines back and propels her out of the refuge Keep.

EPISODE 2:

Hook: Scrap and Fidget are on the run in the dangerous mechanical city of Tranquil. Machines, the clamour, nothing natural. One wrong step could be fatal. Diving under a on its way to Pleasure Domes, Scrap and Fidget try not to be noticed.

Main Character Journey: Fidgets more and more unreliable. Scrap has to rely on herself. She needs is trying to get back to the Keep but she is dazed and jittery. Escalating mishaps and accidents seem to plague her wherever she goes. What is causing them? The voice in her head is more persistent, driving her to take more chances, cause more discord.

Main Challenge/Conflict: Scrap sees what happens to anomalies n this environment. They are quickly and efficiently dispatched. Scrap has been noticed. Her presence alone has caused a fissure in the smooth surface of Tranquil. She is being hunted by robotic enforcers. What do they want with her?

Action/Reaction: Street waif Toodie tries to steal Fidget from Scrap; Scrap flies into a rage but manages to control it. Toodie offers to lead her to relative safety of the Shades, back alley dwellers.

Cliffhanger: Will Scrap be safe from the night crawlers? Can she trust Toodie and the leader of the Shades, one-eyed Sorry?

EPISODE 2 DESCRIPTION: CITY OF TRANQUIL

Bang! Scrap and Fidget almost get swept up in a street cleaning omnibus. They are on the run in the dangerous Outside world of the mechanical city of Tranquil. It couldn’t be more different than The Keep. Machines busily at work, the clamour, the perfection of a glaring blue sky, and not an iota of anything natural in the whole urban landscape. One wrong step could be fatal. Diving under a caterpillar-like commuter train loaded humans revelling on their way to Pleasure Domes, Scrap and Fidget have to navigate countless obstacles and relentless machines, trying not to be noticed.

Fidget’s workings are flashing on and off, making him unreliable as a navigational tool. Scrap has to compensate and rely on herself. She needs to concentrate on how to get back to the Keep but this noisy alien world has left her dazed and jittery. If that isn’t enough, escalating mishaps and accidents seem to plague her wherever she goes. What is causing them? Is it the curse? The voice in her head is more persistent, driving her to take more chances, cause more discord.

Scrap sees what happens to anomalies n this environment. They are quickly and efficiently dispatched. It soon becomes obvious that Scrap has been noticed. Her presence alone has caused a fissure in the smooth surface of Tranquil. She is being hunted by robotic enforcers. What do they want with her?

A street waif Toodie tries to steal Fidget from Scrap; Scrap flies into a rage but manages to control it. Toodie offers to lead her to relative safety of the Shades, back alley dwellers.

Will Scrap be safe from the night crawlers? Can she trust Toodie and the leader of the Shades, one-eyed Sorry?

EPISODE 3:

Hook: Warned by Fidget, Scrap narrowly avoids the collapse of a bridge. Disruptions everywhere. Enforcers are on to Scrap’s location.

Main Character Journey: Scrap joins the Shades, stealing and foraging.

Main Challenge/Conflict: Scrap is perceived to be bad luck and a danger to the Shades security by some.

Action/Reaction: Machines invade the warren, to hunt and destroy, not capture. Shades are forced further underground. Scrap saves Toodie.

Cliffhanger: Scrap and Toodie trying to blend in with a crowd of dazed humans, watching an animatronic puppet show. Children in the crowd are taken away by clown-like robots. Fidget sounds the alarm before Scrap and Toodie are nearly scooped up.

EPSIODE 3 DESCRIPTION: THE SHADES

Warned by Fidget, Scrap narrowly avoids the collapse of a bridge. The mounting number of disruptions everywhere Scrap goes are alerting the enforcers to her location. Using her agility and ability to problem solve, Scrap joins the Shades as they move unnoticed like rats through the city, stealing and foraging. Sometimes she thinks she sees Bardo but it must be just wishful thinking.

Scrap is perceived to be bad luck and a danger to the Shades security by some. The hostility amps up and alerts the patrolling machines. Machines invade the warren with little regard for life and limb. They are on a mission to hunt and destroy, not capture. Surviving Shades to are forced further underground. Scrap saves Toodie from the sweep only moments before the alley is sealed and disinfected with poison.

Scrap and Toodie the hide inside an amusement park, trying to blend in with a crowd of dazed humans, watching an animatronic puppet show. Children in the crowd are systematically lured away by clown-like robots without their parents noticing. Fidget sounds the alarm before Scrap and Toodie are nearly scooped up.

EPISODE 4:

Hook: Children are disappearing throughout the city, No one cares. There are rumours that they have been taken to the Institute for Child Protection. Advertisements promote the benefits of the Institute and Agrippa Chafe, the matron, is hailed as a saviour. Parents give up their offspring to the Institute’s care.

Main Character Journey: Scrap wonders if the Institute would be the home she has always wanted. Hoodie and Fidget are leery and convince her otherwise. They watch the Institute, noticing children go in and never come out. Only a gang of toughs, seem to have the freedom to roam beyond the Institute’s gates.

Main Challenge/Conflict: The leader of the gang, Nancy, is mean and vindictive, making life miserable. Scrap does not get involved to help those he is bullying, to avoid him taking notice of her. The voice tells her to mind her own business.

Action/Reaction: But when she sees him abusing a small gang member, she has to step in and confront him, making Scrap a target for his cruelty.

Cliffhanger: Toodie disappears without a trace. What happened to her?

EPISODE 4 DESCRIPTION: WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHILDREN GONE?

Children are disappearing throughout the city and no one seems to care. There are rumours that they have been taken to the Institute for Child Protection. Advertisements promote the benefits of the Institute and how much better the city will run if families are relieved of raising their own children. The Institute is touted as warm, welcoming, lots of wonderful toys and food. It looks like a wonderland. And Agrippa Chafe, the adored and motherly matron, is hailed as a saviour. Parents seem convinced and routinely deliver their offspring to the Institute’s care.

Scrap wonders if the Institute would be the home she has always yearned for but her natural survival instincts soon dissuade her. Hoodie and Fidget are leery and convince her that something smells rotten. They keep an eye on the comings and goings from the Institute. They notice how many children go in and none ever come out. Only a gang of toughs, seem to have the freedom to roam beyond the Institute’s gates.

The leader of the gang, Nancy, is mean and vindictive, bullying others, intimidating humans and machines and making life miserable. At first Scrap does not intercede to help the others to avoid him taking notice of her. The voice tells her to mind her own business. But when she sees him abusing a small gang member, she has to step in and confront him, making Scrap a target for his cruelty.

Toodie disappears without a trace. What happened to her?

EPISODE 5:

Hook: Scrap is terrified that something bad has happened to Toodie and is filled with anxiety. She has to find her.

Main Character Journey: Scrap and Fidget learn more about the machines and the controlled, rigid culture of Tranquil. They long for natural things and Bardo. The persistent voice in Scrap’s head is driving her crazy.

Main Challenge/Conflict: Nancy’s vendetta against Scrap increases until she retaliates channeling her power, scaring him off.

Action/Reaction: Scrap witnesses children being unearthed by machines and puts herself in jeopardy to save them. She causes a distraction enabling the children to be whisked away by the Shades.

Cliffhanger: Scrap and Fidget are chased through the night streets, only avoiding capture by jumping aboard a supply trolley headed inside a Pleasure Dome.

EPISODE 5 DESCRIPTION: The Mechanized City

The voice tells Scrap to forget Toodie. But Scrap is terrified that something bad has happened and is filled with anxiety. She has to find her.

In their search, Scrap and Fidget learn more about the workings of the machines and the culture of Tranquil, where everything, even the climate is controlled and rigid precision is expected, otherwise someone/something will pay. It is foreign to them and they long for natural things and Bardo, who’s calm guidance looks better and better the longer they are away from the Keep. The persistent voice in Scrap’s head is driving her crazy. Would it be easier to just let it take over? No, she resolves to find Toodie if it is the last thing she does.

Nancy’s vendetta against Scrap increases until she retaliates channeling her power, scaring him off, and giving him a weapon to use against her. Scrap now has the clown machines from the Institute searching for her.

Scrap witnesses a nest of back alley children being unearthed by machines and puts herself in jeopardy to save them. She causes a distraction enabling the children to be whisked away by the Shades.

Scrap and Fidget are chased through the night streets only avoiding capture by jumping aboard a supply trolley headed inside a Pleasure Dome.

EPISODE 6:

Hook: Scrap slowly comes awake. She is in a fog from the powerful mesmerizer, Juice, used to keep humans happy. They find themselves inside a Pleasure Dome.

Main Character Journey: Scrap is treated like a toy by humans who live in a constant state of delirious pleasure. Scrap feels distain for beings that are willing to be pacified and pampered, with no control other themselves.

Main Challenge/Conflict: Scrap discovers the ugly truth about the Pleasure Domes. They are farms for babies. But no one listens to her, everyone willing to be herded by recreation facilitators.

Action/Reaction: Fidget and Scrap intercept orders that point to a plan to cull the human population in the Dome. A fully machine-controlled city looks to be unavoidable. They have to get out of there and leave the humans behind.

Cliffhanger: A small group of resistance fighters infiltrate the Dome to save humans. Scrap is extracted by Bardo and invited to join the resistance, planning to depose the rule by machines.

EPISODE 6 DESCRIPTION: THE PLEASURE DOME

Scrap slowly comes awake. She is in a fog. Fidget has been valiantly trying to rouse her. The trolley was stocked with the powerful mesmerizer, Juice. Crawling out from the depot, they find themselves inside a Pleasure Dome.

When discovered, Scrap is treated like a toy by humans who live in a constant state of delirious pleasure. Nothing is real in the Pleasure Dome, where nature, animals and plants are illusions. Scrap feels distain for beings that are willing to be pacified and pampered, with no control other themselves. It reinforces Scrap’s desire to be independent and find her own true self.

Scrap discovers the ugly truth about the Pleasure Domes. They are farms. What are they farming? Babies. When Scrap tries to tell the humans what the machines intend, no one listens to her. Even when the tension within her builds and cracks start to appear in the dome, the humans carry on, willing to be herded by recreation facilitators.

Nature vs machines. Fidget and Scrap intercept orders that point to a plan to cull the human population in the Dome. How can they stop it? Who will even pay attention?A fully machine-controlled city looks to be unavoidable. They have to get out of there and leave the humans behind.

A small group of resistance fighters infiltrate the Dome to save humans. Scrap is extracted by Bardo and invited to join the resistance, planning to depose the rule by machines.

EPISODE 7:

Hook: Scrap and Fidget are part of the underground resistance. Scrap finds herself abandoned to save herself as the other resistance fighters leave her open to capture. She barely escapes.

Main Character Journey: Scrap does not know who to trust and realizes she can only really rely on herself. Despite Bardo’s support. the resistance fighters are uneasy around her.

Main Challenge/Conflict: The battle between machines and the resistance is coming to a head. Central Control now under high alert. Scrap is the #1 enemy of the state. Scrap’s presence puts the resistance movement in danger.

Action/Reaction: Scrap is asked to join a suicide mission. She will be a sitting duck while the others attack Control Central.

Cliffhanger: Toodie reappears to scout for the resistance. How did she escape the fate of the other children in the Institute?

EPISODE 7 DESCRIPTION: ONE DISASTER AFTER ANOTHER

Scrap and Fidget are part of the underground resistance, scouting weaknesses in the machine’s regime. Again Scrap finds herself abandoned to save herself as the other resistance fighters leave her open to capture on the latest mission. She barely escapes.

Scrap does not know who to trust and realizes she can only really rely on herself. She is disillusioned and angry. She feels like an outsider. Despite Bardo’s support. the resistance fighters are uneasy around her.

The battle between machines and the resistance is coming to a head, with the machines looking to be victorious. Central Control now under high alert. Scrap is the #1 enemy of the state. Some feel that Scrap’s presence puts the resistance movement in danger.

In a last attempt to change the direction of the fight, Scrap is asked to join a suicide mission. She will be used as a decoy to concentrate the machines’ focus, while the other fighters attack Control Central. Her increasingly negative energy activates more and more destruction and more resentment.

In the middle of the mission, Toodie reappears to scout for the resistance. Where has she been? Scrap thought she was dead. How did she escape the fate of the other children in the Institute?

EPISODE 8:

Hook: Scrap is a liability and infighting in the resistance ranks make her position there untenable

Main Character Journey: Scrap not only has to avoid the machines and enemies in the resistance, she increasingly has to keep the power that is seething within her under wraps. It seems impossible.

Main Challenge/Conflict: After a blow up with Bardo, she leaves the resistance. Toodie insists on going with her.

Action/Reaction: Scrap and Toodie are again easy prey for Nancy and his roaming gang. Scrap and Toodie are faster and wilier and it looks like they will get away.

Cliffhanger: They are corralled into a dead end alley where Agrippa and her henchmen are waiting. Just when all is lost, the street opens up and hands snatch the children into the underbelly of the city, Turbine.

EPISODE 8 DESCRIPTION: ON THE RUN

After the assault on Central Control fails, Scrap is considered a liability and infighting in the resistance ranks make her position there untenable. She not only has to avoid the machines and enemies in the resistance, she increasingly has to keep the power that is seething within her under wraps. It seems impossible.

After a disagreement with Bardo, she leaves the resistance. Toodie insists on going with her. With no fixed plans, Scrap and Toodie are again easy prey for Nancy and his roaming gang of bullies terrorizing the streets. But Scrap and Toodie are faster and wilier, using the rooftops and skyways to allude them.

It looks like they will get away, until they forced to street level and come to a dead end on the construction site of the Museum of Fabrication where Agrippa and her henchmen are waiting. Just when all is lost, the ground opens up and hands snatch the children into the underbelly of the city, Turbine.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MOD 2 – LESSON 4 – EPISODE LIST ROUGH DRAFT

What I learned doing this assignment: I find I just can’t whip through this, even though it is a rough draft. Find I have to stew over possibilities. This certainly helps with thinking how the story moves, pointing out spots where I need more interest, being open to new directions and plot points.

EPISODE CHEAT SHEET for FIRST SEASON

1.

Beginning: Scrap and her guardian Bardo in the Keep, a hidden refuge collecting lost and found items and the last remaining artifacts of the natural world

Ending: Scrap and Toodie resisting capture by Agrippa Chafe and her robotic henchmen

Cliffhanger in last scene of season: The street opens up and hands snatch the children into the underbelly of the city, Turbine.

2.

Mystery: why is Scrap important and why is everyone after her?

Mystery Set Up: attack on the Keep by machines

What still needs to be Solved: what does Agrippa need Scrap for?

Ultimate solution needing to be discovered: why does disruption and chaos follow Scrap?

3. Journey Begins: Scrap’s journey begins in the Keep

Journey Ends: snatched into the subterranean Turbine

Where does character go in following seasons: Turbine, the Institute, Central Control, the Resistance camp

4.

Layers from BW Framework:

Bardo hiding the secret of the prophesy from Scrap, sworn to contain her power
Bardo gave Scrap a mechanical heart to save her
Agrippa planning machine domination
Agrippa poses as motherly nurturer but actually using children to fuel machines
Nancy is Agrippa’s son
Toodie is spy for Agrippa
Fidget is more than a pet
Scrap’s destiny is tied to an ancient prophesy
Bardo and Fidget are shape-shifters
Agrippa once an Engine grub, adopted and raised by the Regulator
Scrap needs to trust other to succeed

Other possible layers?

Is Scrap the salvation of the natural world?
Scraps need for safety and love
the seduction of holding power
why are humans in such a trance-like state? How did this happen?

5.

Main Character Major Story Lines that affect others in order of importance:

Scrap is destined to fulfill prophesy as the embodiment of Chaos
Bardo and the guardians assignment to contain the prophesy at all costs
Agrippa’s plot to overthrow the Regulator and establish machine supremacy
The Regulator’s ambition to be ruler of other cities on the planet

EPISODE EVENTS:

EPISODE 1: The Keep

• Scrap and Bardo tending the lively collection in the Keep with the help of midges, scurries

• Signs that the wards and charms protecting the Keep are failing

Scrap forgetting to reenforce charms
Scrap secretly inventing Fidget (part cockroach/part machine)

• Machines attack the Keep, Scrap and Fidget blown into the Outside

EPISODE 2: Outside – the City of Tranquil

• Scrap and Fidget navigate this pristine alien world, trying to find their way back to the Keep

machines do all the work to a rigid schedule
feckless humans in Pleasure Domes

• small mishaps plague Scrap as she traverses the city

street waif, Toodie, tries to steal Fidget from Scrap
Toodie takes Scrap to shelter with blind elder Sorry, while night crawlers patrol the streets

EPISODE 3: Disorderly Conduct

• Scrap temporarily joins the Shades, a group of shadowy vagrants using her agility to survive

Scrap bringing her new allies bad luck and she is ejected their shelter
alerted by disruptions in the normally smooth-running city, machine patrol invades the shelter and hauls the vagrants away

• Scrap and Toodie evade capture, chased through the streets by machines

• Scrap and Toodie saved by the motherly Agrippa Chafe

EPISODE 4: The Institute of Child Protection and Mother

• Scrap enticed by the comfort and easy living offered to children in the Institute

the children in the Institute; the bully Nancy
Toodie distrusts ‘Mother’ and wants to leave
children mysteriously disappearing
Toodie gone in the morning

EPISODE 5: The Mechanized City

• Agrippa treating Scrap more favourably than the others.

Nancy’s jealousy and mistreatment of Scrap; Scrap’s retaliation scares him off
Scrap learns more about the workings of the machines
Scrap meets the Regulator and is forced to submit to a number of tests
does Scrap see Bardo on the street or is that just wishful thinking?

• Fidget persuades Scrap to break out of the Institute

EPISODE 6: The Pleasure Dome

• Scrap accidentally rides into a Pleasure Dome on a supply trolley loaded with the mesmerizing drug, Juice

• Scrap is treated like a toy by humans who live in a constant state of delirious pleasure

• Scrap is lost in a daze in the Dome where nature, animals and plants are illusions

Scrap realizes, with Fidget’s urging, that she does not belong here.
Scrap is contacted by Bardo to join the resistance, planning to depose the rule by machines

EPISODE 7: One Disaster After Another

• Scrap, a runner for the resistance, still feels like an outsider; they are uneasy around her and she does not know who to trust

• bad luck escalates, causing great disruption in the city and putting machines on high alert

• Scrap’s presence puts the resistance movement in danger

• Toodie reappears to scout for the resistance

EPISODE 8: On the Run

• Scrap is now the #1 target for Agrippa and her machines

• She is a liability and infighting in the resistance ranks make her position there uncertain

• Scrap not only has to avoid the machines and enemies in the resistance ranks, she increasingly has to keep the poor that is seething within her under wraps

Scrap tries to save Toodie from gang of bullies led by Nancy
They are cornered in a dead end street where Agrippa and her henchmen are waiting

• Just when all is lost, the street opens up and hands snatch the children into the underbelly of the city, Turbine.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MOD 2, LESSON 2 ASSIGNMENT – CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

What I learned from doing this assignment – This exercise helped me distill parts of the characters down to meaningful and telling details, attempting to refine and choose just the right words for clarity and brevity. It also opened up new plot points and aspects of the characters I hadn’t considered before!

SCRAP

*Role: A darkling orphan rebels against her guardian, yearning for independence <div>

Noteworthy Traits: sly, agile, stubborn, untrusting, insecure, lonely

*Intriguing History: rescued as an abandoned baby and given mechanical heart to survive, igniting an ancient end-of-world prophecy

*Intrigue/Mystery: why is there chaos and malfunctions wherever she goes?

*Support/Drive the Conflict with others: she is the unknowing and reluctant instrument that will bring the battle between machines and the natural world to a head

Irony (Opposites/paradoxes): Scrap yearns for a home and family but pushes others away and threatens everyone’s survival

*Opposing Agendas with others: she challenges Bardo’s restrictions and protection; she fights against Agrippa’s authority and devious plan to bring about machine supremacy to the detriment of humankind

*Unpredictability: she embodies a curse that increasingly makes her act out, thwarting others and herself

Intriguing relationships: Bardo, Agrippa, Fidget, Toodie

START: A darkling orphan with a mechanical heart is wrenched from her guardian and the protection of The Keep by attacking Machines

MIDDLE: motherly Agrippa Chafe and the Institute for Child Protection; children are mysteriously disappearing; navigates the foreign mechanical world to find Bardo; joins the underground resistance to stop Agrippa’s plan for machine supremacy

ENDING: She causes chaos and destruction wherever she goes, endangering friend and foe and herself.

EDITED VERSION

Scrap, a rebellious orphan with a mechanical heart, longs for a normal loving home and resents the superstitions of her devoted guardian Bardo and the restrictions of The Keep.

When she is wrenched from their hidden sanctuary and flung Outside during an attack by machine mercenaries, she realizes what she has lost. Desperate to find Bardo and navigating a treacherous alien world with only her junkdaw Fidget for support, she is drawn to the motherly Agrippa Chafe and the safety of the Institute for Child Protection. But children keep disappearing from the Institute. Is she next? And why are the dark shadow people from the underbelly of city so cautious around her, even though they want her to join them? Why are the regulators and automatics after her? Scrap has to learn who to trust and who to betray, who to save and who to sacrifice, how to use her analytical skills and determination to survive.

Scrap is willing to risk everything in this world where machines rule and mindless humans are shunted off to pleasure domes on the plains outside the city. If only chaos and destruction did not erupt wherever she goes. If only she didn’t feel like she wasn’t in control of herself. If only she wasn’t her own greatest threat.

BARDO HOAGG

*Role: superstitious guardian of The Keep and rescuer of the infant Scrap </div><div>

*Noteworthy Traits: huge and bumbling, reluctant to change, indecisive and shape shifts when stressed, doggedly devoted to duty, good at fixing things, will evade and distract, secret keeper

*Intriguing History: once an engineer in Tranquil, disenchanted with increased reliance on machines, he retreated to hidden The Keep to devote himself to preserving last vestiges of natural world; he rescued Scrap as an infant and saved her by giving her a mechanical heart, igniting the fateful prophesy

*Intrigue/Mystery: keeping secret of prophesy from Scrap

Support/Drive Conflict with others: he contains danger Scrap embodies causing her to rebel; he works with resistance to thwart machine dominance

Irony (Opposites/paradoxes): he is huge but can pass unnoticed; he loves Scrap but has to act as her jailor

Opposing Agendas with other Characters: once part of the machine world, now in direct opposition; must get to Scrap before Agrippa does

Unpredictable: sometimes indecisive when torn between duty and saving Scrap

*Intriguing relationships: torn between protecting Scrap and knowing that he must ultimately stop her to prevent the prophesy being fulfilled

START: Bardo Hoagg is an engineer who has retreated from the machine-obsessed city, to devote himself to preserving last vestiges of nature in The Keep before they disappear forever.

MIDDLE: He gives Scrap a mechanical heart to save her, putting an ancient prophesy in motion that is destined to destroy the natural world. When the child is snatched, Bardo has to reach her before Agrippa Chafe and the regulators can harness her power. He cannot be revealed or will jeopardize resistance movement.

ENDING: shifting loyalties, denial, hard decisions

EDITED VERSION

Bardo Hoagg, a disenchanted engineer who has retreated from the machine-obsessed city, to devote himself to preserving the last vestiges of nature in The Keep before they disappear forever. He is a shape-shifter who uses his ability to go unnoticed to collect detritus on nightly forays into the city.

Discovering an abandoned infant, he thwarts natural laws by giving little Scrap a mechanical heart to save her. This action puts an ancient prophesy in motion that is destined to destroy the natural world he is duty-bound to preserve. As she grows, Bardo fails to tell Scrap the truth, even when she defies him and The Keep’s restrictions. He is afraid to lose her. When the child is snatched from their hidey-hole despite his precautions, Bardo has to use his knowledge of the mechanical world to reach her before Agrippa Chafe and the regulators can harness her power. He has to risk revealing himself and the shadow resistance he has been supporting before time runs out.

What will he do if he does manage to get to her before the machines? Will he destroy the one he loves to save the world?

AGRIPPA CHAFE

*Role: The motherly Head Director of the Institute for Child Protection in the mechanized city of Tranquil. </div><div>

*Noteworthy Traits: ruthless sociopath, needs recognition of her superiors, vindictive if she doesn’t get what she thinks she deserves, petty

Intriguing History: She was a child of the Shadowland, selected to train as support staff for the corporate empire of the city. She caught the eye of the Regulator and has benefitted from his patronage ever since. Despite being mentored by the Regulator, she has had to fight her way up to a position of power.

*Intrigue/Mystery: what is she doing with the children under her care?

*Support/Drive Conflict with others: she will do anything to reach her goals – manipulate, deceive, destroy anyone or thing that stands in her way – her peers, underlings, machines, superiors, her son

Irony (Opposites/paradoxes): Supported by Regulator/wants to be the Regulator; Hates children/job is to care for them.

*Opposing Agendas with other Characters: Even though she wants recognition from the Regulator, she plots to impeach him. She wants to use Scrap to finally reach total machine supremacy.

Unpredictable: erratic mood swings; can be nurturing one minute and treacherous the next

Intriguing relationships: treats Nancy, her son, like dirt but expects him to love and fawn over her; love/hate with the Regulator

START: Agrippa Chafe is a vicious sociopath in a position of power as the Matron of the Institute of Child Protection, even though she hates children.

MIDDLE: mentored by the Regulator but she plots to overthrow him and take power. Her goal is to make machines the dominant force to the detriment of humans. Scrap is key to making this plan a reality.

ENDING: he has been using the Institute’s children to fuel the machines that run the city. What is one more child?

EDITED VERSION

Agrippa Chafe is a vicious sociopath in a position of power as the Matron of the Institute of Child Protection, presenting herself as a nurturing mother figure even though she hates children. She strives to be recognized for her superior intellect and work to make Tranquil a leading metropolis, where machines make life effortless for the feckless humans.

Having been selected as a youth to work for the bureaucracy, she caught the eye of the Regulator and benefitted from his patronage as she clawed her way up the corporate ladder. Now she plots to overthrow him, enslave humans and get one step closer to her goal to make machines the dominant force once and for all. Scrap is key to making this plan a reality and Agrippa would do anything, sacrifice anyone to capture her.

She has been using the Institute’s children to fuel the machines that run the city. What is the destruction of one more child in the scheme of things.

</div>

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – MODULE 2/LESSON 1 – Intriguing Concept & World

What I learned for doing this assignment: I need to continue to hone the backbone of this story. I think I originally had a character in a situation and needed to dig deeper to make it interesting for others and begin to see the big picture journey for myself.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – CONCEPT FOR ‘TROUBLE’

CONCEPT:

• Rebellious orphan

• is violently snatched from safe haven and pursued by megalomaniac and her machines

• realizes she is the ultimate instrument of destruction

• in the final battle between machines and the natural world

2. WORLD OF ‘TROUBLE’

• Unique Sub-World: the steam-punk world of all-powerful machines

• Previously unexplored: endangering last remnants of natural world

• The Unknown: how machines have dominated humankind and reduced them to mindless pleasure-seekers

• The Unseen: what fuels this relentless machine world

• Unheard of dangers: why are the children disappearing

• Reason to explore it: epic struggle for survival of nature

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley has completed the Binge-worthy framework and is ready for feedback

What I learned doing this assignment: It forced me to go back and rethink roles of all characters, and their relationships and make some changes. I can see how I can change and add to this as I progress in the process. A structural invaluable tool to keep me from wandering too far off track!

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – LESSON 10 ASSIGNMENT – CREATING INTRIGUING LAYERS

What I learned doing this assignment: I have no idea if I can keep all these balls in the air! A lot to absorb and keep track of but certainly helping me organize material for my story.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – JESSICA JONES – LAYERS:

Jessica is a detective but she also has super powers <div>

How did she get the super powers?

What is Jessica’s past history with Kilgrave?

What is Jessica’s relationship to Trish?

Why are they at odds?

What is Jessica’s relationship to Luke?

Will Jessica be able to defeat the powerful Kilgrave?

What is Trish afraid of?

SHADOW & BONE – LAYERS

What happened to Mal and Alina’s parents? </div><div>

What is Alina’s power that suddenly appears when Mal is in danger?

What does General Kilgrave want with Alina?

What is the Shadow Fold?

Will the Crows be able to survive the conflict with Pekka?

What is Inej’s secret?

Will Alina be reunited with Mal?

Will Alina survive the Fold?

ASSIGNMENT 2: TROUBLE

POSSIBLE PLOT LAYERS – story beneath the story

Major Scheme revealed: </div><div>

Agrippa and the Machines want Scrap as the key ingredient to making machines superior to humans. They plan to destroy humankind and the natural world.

Mystery revealed: Agrippa is sacrificing children to fuel machines

Thought the Story was one thing, but it is another: Scrap is not just the weak protagonist plagued by bad luck that everyone is after but really the Big Bad Guy in the story, embodying the Curse.

Major shift in Meaning: Scrap will have to defeat herself to reach her goals.

Hidden History: Nancy is Agrippa’s son. Bardo saved Scrap’s life by giving her a mechanical heart. Fidget has been programmed to protect Scrap.

Hidden Plan: Agrippa will use Scrap to ignite the living heart of the machines

Major Betrayal: Toodie is a spy for Agrippa

2. POSSIBLE CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity

Secret Identity: Toodie is spy; Fidget is guardian; Agrippa is evil megalomaniac; Scrap embodies the Curse; Bardo and Ruby and shape-shifters </div><div>

Character Intrigue:

Agrippa seems the perfect bureaucrat in the machine world but she conspires to take over leadership; Agrippa a wants to use Scrap’s power to fulfil her plan to have machines take over entirely: Agrippa seems to be motherly protector of children but is using them to feed the machines

Ruby and Bardo are there to protect the Keep and Scrap but they are really assigned to keep her under wraps to protect the outside world

Scrap has to infiltrate the world of machines to defeat Agrippa

Hidden Relationships & Conspiracies:

Toodie is a snitch for Agrippa

Nancy is Agrippa’s son in a love/hate relationship

Agrippa was raised and mentored by the Regulator but is angling to betray him take over his leadership

Hidden Character History:

Bardo saved Scrap by giving her a mechanical heart

Agrippa was an underling and despises them

3. POSSIBLE SEQUENCE OF REVEALS

PLOT SURFACE:

LAYER 1: Bardo saved Scrap’s life by giving her a mechanical heart.

LAYER 2: Fidget has been programmed to protect Scrap.

LAYER 3: Toodie is being forced to spy for Agrippa

LAYER 4: Agrippa is sacrificing children to fuel the machines

LAYER 5: Scrap is not just the weak protagonist plagued by bad luck that everyone is after but really the Big Bad Guy in the story, embodying the Curse. She will have to defeat herself to save the world.

LAYER 6: Agrippa wants Scrap as the key ingredient to make machines superior to humans by using her to ignite the living heart of the machines. They plan to destroy humankind and the natural world.

4. CHARACTER SURFACE:

LAYER 1: Bardo and Ruby are shape-shifters

LAYER 2: Fidget, although flawed and distracted, is a third guardian

LAYER 2: Ruby and Bardo are tasked with to keeping Scrap contained to protect the outside world

LAYER 3: Toodie is a spy for Agrippa

LAYER 4: Agrippa seems the perfect bureaucrat in the machine world but she conspires to take over leadership from her mentor

LAYER 5: Nancy is Agrippa’s son

LAYER 6: Agrippa is evil under the motherly facade

LAYER 7: Scrap embodies the Curse. She is a ticking time bomb.

</div>

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – LESSON 11 ASSIGNMENT – CREATING IRONY

What I learned about doing this assignment: To take a minute and flip the character and situation to see if the opposite would strengthen the story. Irony points to vulnerabilities of characters and holes in the plan.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – JESSICA JONES – IRONY

Luke’s lover/wife’s killer <div>

super powers/helpless under the control of Kilgrave

loves sister/has to keep away from her to keep her safe
saves others/cannot save herself

by telling Luke the truth about his wife’s death/she loses him

commits criminal act (steals drugs)/to do something good (control Kilgrave)

saves girl/only to have girl kill her parents

SHADOW & BONE – IRONY

weakest outcast/is really most powerful Grisha</div><div>

weak boy/to strongest fighter

Inej skilled assassin/can’t kill due to her beliefs

cartographer/ burns maps to be able to go on ship

Kai ruthless criminal/soft spot for Inej

General Kiligan wants to use Alina to increase his power/she uses her power to defeat him

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

Character Irony

Scrap wants to have a home and family/rebels against the restrictions of the Keep and Ruby and Bardo’s guardianship </div><div>

Scrap dreams of freedom of the Outside/fear of being on her own

Scrap is drawn to the downtrodden/she is a danger to them

Scrap is small and alone/she has the power to destroy everything

Agrippa presents a motherly caring front/really an evil and dangerous creature

Toodie is dependent on other to survive/willing to be the downfall of her protectors

Nancy hates his mother/Nancy driven to seek her approval

Agrippa’s distain for children/needs a child to compete her dastardly plan

Scrap finds it hard to trust others/cannot fulfil her goals without relying on others

Situational Irony

defeating the curse/means destroying herself </div>

fascination with mechanics/when machines become the biggest danger

Scrap must put herself in Agrippa’s power/to solve the mystery of what is happening to the children

Ruby and Bardo are duty-bound to protect the Keep/while caring for Scrap who will bring an end to it

Agrippa is willing to sacrifice her own son/but would go to any lengths to secure unknown orphan

everyone wants to control Scrap/while the curse she embodies is uncontrollable

the order of the world of machines/dependent on the sacrifice and labour of the natural world

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY LESSON 9 ASSIGNMENT – INVITING OBSESSION: OPEN LOOPS

What I learned doing this assignment: I was finding it difficult to differentiate between mysteries and open loops after awhile. They are very similar I think. However, being aware to leave doors open throughout the story and not resolve anything too soon, is good to have in the tool belt. It has made me think about when to real some of the major questions. For example, I had been thinking that Scrap would find out she was cursed at the midpoint of the story to create a change in character and propel things towards the finish. Now I am thinking it should be towards the end to keep that loop open.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – JESSICA JONES

BIG PICTURE OPEN LOOPS

who is Jessica? <div>

how did she get her powers?

why is she guilty about Luke?

who is Kilgrave?

will Jessica defeat Kilgrave?

SHADOW & BONE

BIG PICTURE OPEN LOOPS

what is Alina’s secret? </div><div>

will Alina and Mal get to be together?

will they destroy the Shadow Fold?

can Mal rescue Alina?

what does General Kirigan want with Alina?

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

1. BRAINSTORMING OPEN LOOPS

GOALS

• Scrap wants to be independent and not under Ruby and Bardo’s superstitious thumbs </div><div>

• Scrap wants to explore the bigger world outside the Keep

• Scrap wants the motherly attention that Agrippa seems to offer

• when Scrap gets her wish, her new goal is to find what is left of the Keep, reunite with Ruby and Bardo

• Scrap’s goal becomes to avoid capture by machines and Agrippa

CONSEQUENCES

• her freedom has a cost – unsafe, unsteady, avoiding dangers of the Outside </div><div>

• the misfortunes and near disasters that happen wherever Scrap goes, not only cause her danger but endanger other innocents

• her plan to live in the amazing mechanical world turns sour when she discovers what keeps the machines going

SOLVING PROBLEMS

• will Scrap be able to defuse the curse? </div><div>

• will Scarp find Ruby and Bardo?

• will Scrap avoid control of Agrippa?

• will Scrap survive?

RELATIONSHIPS

• will Scrap be able to return to the safe haven created by Ruby and Bardo? </div><div>

• does she really want to be back in the Keep?

• can Scrap learn to trust others?

•is Agrippa really as loving as she seems?

• how will the curse change Scrap?

DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS

• will Scrap be destroyed by the curse? </div><div>

• will Scrap be destroyed by Agrippa?

• what will Scrap be wiling to do to save Toodie and others?

2. TOP BIG PICTURE OPEN LOOPS FOR TROUBLE

• who is Scrap? </div>

• where did she come from?

• what are Ruby and Bardo afraid of?

• will Scrap be reunited with Ruby and Bardo?

• will Scrap survive the curse?

• will Scrap turn to the dark side?

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – LESSON 8 – INVITING OBSESSION: MYSTERY

What I learned doing this assignment: Really found this exercise to he helpful with thinking through plot development. I will keep this open-ended for further development.

ASSIGNMENT 1: JESSICA JONES

BIG MYSTERIES

how did Jessica get her powers
who is Kilgrave and what power does he have over Jessica?
will Jessica be able to defeat Kilgrave?

SMALLER MYSTERIES

why does Jessica feel so guilty about Luke and his wife?
how did Luke’s wife die?
what is Luke’s secret?
why does Trish obsessively train and worry about security?

………………………………………

SHADOW & BONE

BIG MYSTERIES

what is the Shadow Fold?
how was it created?
can it be destroyed?

SMALLER MYSTERIES

what is the power that Alina has?
will Alina be reunited with Mal?
what happened to Inej’s brother?
how does the Conductor travel through the Fold?
why does Kaz want to protect Inej?
why does Inej not want to kill?
will the Crows win over Pekka?
who is Baghra?

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

A. SHOCKING EVENT MYSTERY:

– the attack on The Keep and Scrap being thrust into the Outside world of the Machines

B. SECRET:

– The Keep is a hidey-hole not on the rest of the world’s radar

Ruby and Bardo tasked with protecting the last remaining artifacts of the natural world

C. INVESTIGATION:

Scrap must find a way to find a way back to the Keep if it still exists
Scrap must avoid capture by the machines
Scrap must discover what Agrippa is up to
Is Agrippa as nurturing and motherly as she seems

D. WHO – Scrap, a small child on the cusp of maturing

WHAT- do Agrippa and the machines want with her

WHEN – time is of the essence before Scrap can cause any more trouble

WHERE – the Keep and the Outside world of machines

WHY – Scrap seems to be what everyone wants: Ruby and Bardo want to contain her and keep her safe, Agrippa wants to use her power

HOW – Ruby and Bardo plan to recover Scrap and get her back into hiding using their magical shape-shifting guises; Agrippa will use the relentless force of her machines and underhanded, unethical methods to capture her

PART WITHHELD –

2. OVER -TIME MYSTERY

COVERUP – Ruby and Bardo know that Scrap is not what she seems to be; they are tasked not only with preserving nature but protecting the world from Scrap

B. SECRET

– Ruby and Bardo know that Scrap and the curse she embodies is key to the survival or destruction of the natural world, including humankind

– Agrippa needs Scrap to complete total the supremacy of the machines

C. REVEALS

– things go increasingly wrong wherever Scrap goes; small catastrophes, accidents, failures

Agrippa seems to pay more attention to Scrap above other underlings
Nancy the bully is particularly jealous of her
Toodie the waif and other underlings are uncertain or afraid of her
shape-shifting creatures keep appearing to point Scrap in directions or obstruct her
humans don’t even see her

D. WHO – Scrap, little darkling embodying the key to the future

WHAT – does Scrap have to do to stop the curse?

WHEN – Scrap has to defuse the curse before it matures and she needs to avoid capture by Agrippa and her minions so her power can’t be used against nature

WHERE – the Hub of Machines in The Outside City

WHY

nature is about to disappear forever, it is now or never
the heart of Scrap is the last element Agrippa needs to make the living machine

HOW – the curse will bring on a reign of chaos

PART WITHHELD – the curse will bring about the end of the machines rule over the natural world, if Scrap sacrifices herself

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE SMILEY – LESSON 7 – EMPATHY/DISTRESS

What I learned doing this assignment: I always knew about making the journey harder for characters, putting obstacles in their way, but had not always considered why they might make difficult decisions the goes against their nature.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

JESSICA JONES

BIG PICTURE EMPATHY/DISTRESS

– Kilgrave controlling her and forcing her to kill Luke’s wife <div>

– trying to stop the terrible evil and powerful that Kilgrave is capable of

– her self-enforced estrangement from Trish to protect her sister

– the major guilt and conflicted feelings about admitting her actions to Luke

– her loneliness
her willingness to put herself in danger to protect others

DETAIL ORIENTED EMPATHY/DISTRESS

– Luke discovers Jessica has been spying on him </div><div>

– telling Luke he has been cheating with married woman

– refusing to help disabled ambulance driver kill himself

– cornering professor who was used by Kilgrave

– stealing drugs from hospital to disarm Kilgrave

– taking advantage of the weakness of neighbour Malcom and resultant guilt

SHADOW & BONE

BIG PICTURE EMPATHY/DISTRESS

– Alina being an outcast, looked down on by everyone due to her race(rice eater) </div><div>

– orphans who only have each other, learning to never show weakness

– the Shadow Fold that endangers the world and killed their parents

– saving Mal reveals Alina is a Sun Summoner

– being forced to choose being a Grisha leaving her only friends; she is hunted wherever she goes

– the pressure on Aiina to help destroy the Fold

– Kaz’s deadly struggle for power in the underworld with Pekka and their past relationship

DETAIL ORIENTED EMPATHY/DISTRESS

– Alina and Mal forced to separate from each other </div><div>

– Kaz trying to buy Inej’s freedom from brothel

– Jesper and Kaz’s feelings for Inej

– Inej’s brother was sold into slavery too; her search for him

– ruthlessness of the underworld boss- use of Heartrender to force Alex to tell about Alina, then killing him

– Alina would never burn maps but does it to be able to go on ship with Mal

– Inej asked to kill but it is against her religious beliefs

– Alina’s guilt over leaving Mal and living in luxury as Grisha; her attraction to General Kirigan

<div>

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

LIST OF BIG PICTURE DIFFICULT SITUATIONS & DECISIONS RELATED TO MAIN CONFLICT

Undeserved misfortune:

– Scrap is cursed, destined to destroy humankind, the natural world

B. External character conflicts

Intentional – struggling against the restrictions of the Keep and Ruby and Bardo’s superstitions

– eluding Agrippa’s control and the machines

Unintentional – the Curse making Scrap disrupt and cause chaos wherever she goes

C. Plot intruding on life

– Toodie forced to betray Scrap and other underlings <div>

– Fidget is unreliable and causes Scrap to be captured by machines

– Ruby and Bardo trying to stop Scrap and the curse

– being mislead by the bully Nancy

D. Moral dilemmas

– Scrap lying to Ruby and Bardo to get freedom, even though she loves them

– Scrap may have to sacrifice Toodie to elude Agrippa

– Scrap may have to sacrifice herself to defeat the curse

</div></div></div>

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley Lessons 6 Assignment – Relationship Maps

What I learned from this exercise – it made me consider how each character fits in the story, interrelations, dynamics of how they react to each other. I have condensed and shortened my assignment responses here as I was unable to post in the Maps and difficult to post here.

Assignment 1. JESSICA JONES

JESSICA TRISH / LUKE / KILGRAVE

Surface adoptive sisters /acquaintances&lovers /both have super powers

Common Ground love and protective /both have secrets/ both have powers

Conflict disagreement over safety / J. killed his wife / struggle for power over each other

History competition/diff. world view / ? / he controlled her until she killed him

Subtext J. feels flawed & danger to sister / guilt over wife’s death/he needs her power/she fears she cannot stop him

Relationship Arc sisters to competitors /strangers to lovers& supporters/ victim to opponent

Assignment 2 TROUBLE

SCRAP /RUBY & BARDO / AGRIPPA / TOODIE

Surface her caretakers / mother figure / fellow street waif

Common Ground hiding in Keep / both want control / both abandoned

Conflict control/independence / A. wants to use her / diff. goals S. wants to protect, T. does not trust anyone

History Bardo rescued baby S. / A. was underling / Scrap rescues Toodie

Subtext S. embodies curse / A. wants to use S.’s power / S. sees herself in T.

Relationship Arc guardians to collaborators/ parent figure to opponent /dependent to enemy

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley Relationship Maps

What I learned doing this assignment: It made me think more about cross relationships, how every character fit into the pattern of things.

Not sure how to post the relationship map assignments here.

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley LESSON 5 – DEPTH OF CHARACTER’S EMOTIONS

What I learned from this assignment: This was one of the most difficult assignments for me, as it required a more complex digging into each character’s motivation and emotional depths. Sometimes I just didn’t know the answers. I will need to keep working on it.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – EMOTIONAL PROFILE – JESSICA JONES

Jessica

A. Hope/Fear: to save people/that she isn’t strong enough
B. Want/Need: wants to atone for Luke’s wife’s death/needs to be safe
C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: guilt/cold, hardened
D. Weaknesses: soft spot for victims
E. Triggers: injustice, male controllers
F. Coping Mechanism: drinking/sex

Trish

A. Hope/Fear: to be successful/fear that she is not strong enough
B. Want/Need: control/safety
C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: insecurity/has her act together
D. Weaknesses: worry for her sister
E. Triggers: aggression
F. Coping Mechanism: obsessive preparation and training

EMOTIONAL PROFILES – SHADOW & BONE

Alina

A. Hope/Fear: life with Mal/being separated from Mal
B. Want/Need: to do her job/to know her place in the world, belong
C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: fear of abandonment/strength and control
D. Weaknesses: fear for Mal, lack of self-worth
E. Triggers: fear
F. Coping Mechanism: using her power in knee-jerk reaction

Mal

A. Hope/Fear: to be powerful/that Alina is out of his reach
B. Want/Need: to keep Alina safe/to
C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: worthless/tough guy
D. Weaknesses: feelings for Alina
E. Triggers: being forced to separate from Alina
F. Coping Mechanism: fighting

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

SCRAP

A. Situational – Hope/Fear: she can overcome curse/of her own power
B. Motivations – Want/Need: to find Ruby and Bardo/home and family
C. Mask – Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: insecurity, helplessness/obstinate, doesn’t care about anything
D. Weaknesses: the curse, fear of containment,
E. Triggers: authority, loss of independence
F. Coping Mechanism: acting out,

RUBY & BARDO

A. Situational – Hope/Fear: to contain the curse/losing control
B. Motivations – Want/Need: to maintain the status quo/to save mankind
C. Mask – Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: abandonment/doesn’t need anyone
D. Weaknesses: fondness for Scrap, failure to face reality and change
E. Triggers: aggression against nature
F. Coping Mechanism: avoidance, distraction, shape shifting

AGRIPPA

A. Situational – Hope/Fear: to be the head honcho/to be recognized
B. Motivations – Want/Need: power/to be admired
C. Mask – Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask:
D. Weaknesses: her belief that she is all-powerful/son Nancy/pet
E. Triggers: challenging her authority
F. Coping Mechanism: blaming, threatening

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley Lesson 4 Assignment – Layers of Character Intrigue

What I learned about the assignment – this is helping me to dive deeper into the characters and question why I have them in their roles and if they are interesting enough. No they are not, so I have to work at fixing this. Some of the brainstorming has resulted in me rethinking plot points and hopefully strengthening the logic of the story.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

JESSICA JONES – Instances of CHARACTER INTRIGUE

Hidden agenda/secret identity – Jessica is detective but also has super powers and fighting to defeat Kilgrave and others like him to protect others.
Her secret, besides the super powers, is that she was under Kilgrave’s control in the past and killed Luke’s wife
is there a conspiracy against those with super powers?
Jessica lies and deceives all the time to get what she wants but there is an ethical code under it all – stealing drugs to fight Kilgrave, using Malcom
She is a walking wound – drinking, drugs, sex – guilt over what Kilgrave made her do
Luke secretly has super power too
Trish has some kind of secret plan – the relentless self-defence, the fortress-like apartment
why is Kilgrave obsessed with Jessica?

SHADOW AND BONE – CHARACTER INTRIGUE

Alina is cartographer in 1st Army but even though she doesn’t know it, a Grisha, Sun Summoner
She wants to be with Mal at all times and does unethical things and puts herself and others in danger to make that happen; wounded by losing her parents as a child. Mal is her family
as a child she hid rather than be Grisha-tested rather than be separated from Mal
she is secretly in love with him and always has been
Mal fights to compensate for the wound of being an orphan and helpless, and soft hearted
Kaz is in competition with Pekka for control of the underworld
Kay loves Inej
Inej is a hired assassin who refuses to kill anyone. it goes against her secret beliefs. Wounded by losing her brother when they were smuggled into the country.
Everyone deceives everyone else to get what they want. and to subvert or defeat others. General Kirigin has the biggest secret – plans to use Alina’s power to increase the power of the fold rather than destroy it. He was the original creator of the fold – ageless – and how her has remained ageless.
what is The Conductor’s secret? he has a way across the fold

ASSIGNMENT 2: TROUBLE

CHARACTER NAME: Scrap

ROLE: orphan, assisting Ruby and Bardo to maintain The Keep

HIDDEN AGENDAS: she wants control and independence and struggles against The Keep’s restrictions. She subverts some of the precautions resulting in danger to the status quo.

COMPETITION: she fights against Agrippa’s plan to control the world. She fights against herself and the curse. She contrives to go against the superstitions of Ruby and Bardo.

CONSPIRACY: unknowingly and reluctantly part of what has been foretold about the Curse. She secretly is working against Agrippa’s big plans with the help of others. She purposefully brake or damages some of the wards of the Keep in rebellion against restrictions. It may be that The Curse is the only way to defeat the Machines overtaking the Natural World – the last stand.

SECRETS: really searching for her family

DECEPTION: she lies and distracts to get what she wants and to protect others

WOUND: abandonment; always searching for ‘family’ and sense of belonging

SECRET IDENTITY: she has a curse which when matured will threaten humankind

……………………………..

CHARACTER NAME: Ruby & Bardo Hoag

ROLE: guardians of the Keep, last stronghold of the natural world

HIDDEN AGENDAS: to contain the curse that Scrap embodies

COMPETITION: on-going fight to maintain the survival of bits of natural world against the encroaching machines

CONSPIRACY: actively have to outwit and hide the truth from Scrap but it is getting harder as she gets older; who has assigned this role for them?

SECRETS: they know the secret of the curse and keep it from Scrap

DECEPTION: they mostly use slight of hand and avoidance techniques to deceive Scrap. In the Outside they transform themselves to blend in, depending on the environment.

WOUND: ? maybe they have failed in the past and they sure don’t want to fail this time

SECRET IDENTITY: shape-shifters

…………………………….

CHARACTER NAME: Agrippa Chafe

ROLE: Matron of the Institute of Child Protection

HIDDEN AGENDAS: defeat her competition and take over leadership of the country

COMPETITION: other rivals for power including the sitting Regulator.

CONSPIRACY: wants to use Scarp’s power to get control

SECRETS: she is using the children to power the underworking of the city; she has a weakness for her pet boa constrictor, Cupcake

DECEPTION: she pretends to be a loving, motherly figure but is really quite ruthless and will do unspeakable things, even to her own son and the weakest elements in the city

WOUND: she was betrayed in the past and is now out for revenge, trusting no one

SECRET IDENTITY: aspires to be Supreme Regulator

……………………………………

CHARACTER NAME: Fidget

ROLE: pet, companion of Scrap

HIDDEN AGENDAS: programmed to stop the curse at all cost; wants Scrap to rely on him, trust him

COMPETITION: jealous of Ruby and Bardo for Scrap’s attention

CONSPIRACY: becomes part of Scrap’s efforts to defeat the curse

SECRETS: if push came to shove, Fidget would choose Scrap of his assignment

DECEPTION: he is a wily fellow. can charm and bewitch to distort, distract and misdirect enemies and friends alike. To the point that we might question his loyalty.

WOUND: he suffers being a flawed half cricket/half mechanism, straddling machine and natural worlds. Accepted by no one (except Scrap), beneath everyone’s feet, literally

SECRET IDENTITY: 3rd guardian

…………………………………..

CHARACTER NAME: Toodie

ROLE: underling waif, one of the hundreds of children who keep the machines working, often sacrificed for the smooth running of the city

HIDDEN AGENDAS: in Agrippa’s control and has betrayed her friends in the past.

COMPETITION: she has to fight to survive in her harsh world where children are not valued.

CONSPIRACY: part of the revolt of the underlings, working to put a wrench in the underpinnings of the machines

SECRETS: uses others to hide behind and then leaves them to be sacrificed

DECEPTION: she is stronger than she looks

WOUND: taken for parents, taken from security, trusts no one,

SECRET IDENTITY: snitch; user

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley LESSON 3 ASSIGNMENTS – ENGAGING MAIN CHARACTERS

What I learned form this assignment: I have to deepen my understanding of every character and not just make assumptions about the reason for their actions int he story.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – JESSICA JONES: Jessica

Role in the show: to solve crimes for her clients

B. Unique Purpose: to stop Kilgrave from hurting anyone else

C. Intrigue/Secret: she has super powers; she caused the death of Luke’s wife

D. Moral Issue/Boundaries crossed: she

E. Unpredictable: she drinks too much and suffers from past trauma, sometimes making bad decisions

F. Empathetic: she has been a victim of Kigrave’s mind control and done things that she deeply suffers for

…………………………………………

SHADOW AND BONE: Alina

Role in the show: cartographer for the First Army

B. Unique Purpose: she is the Sun Summoner who can help destroy the Shadow Fold

C. Intrigue/Secret: she loves Mal; she is a Grisha

D. Moral Issue/Boundaries crossed: her life-long friendship causes her avoid being tested as a Grisha as a child; she burns maps and then volunteers to travel as a cartographer on the ship through the fold

E. Unpredictable: her new powers as a Grisha are uncontrolled

F. Empathetic: she is new and out of her element with the Grishas, all without the support of Mal

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

1. Journey: Orphan must overcome the curse inside her to save humankind and the natural world.

2. Main characters that sell the show: Scrap/Sybil, Fidget, Ruby & Bardo, Agrippa

ROLE IN SHOW:

SCRAP – sly and daring darkling orphan whose quest to reach safety propels the story.

FIDGET – half cricket/half mechanism with a lisp who is Scrap’s unreliable companion on the journey. He has a secret, but doesn’t everybody.

RUBY & BARDO – shapeshifting guardians tasked with tending The Keep, and Scrap

AGRIPPA – sweet mother-figure to many hapless children, capable of the most vile acts imaginable to seize power

B. UNIQUE PURPOSE:

SCRAP – she unknowingly embodies the fated curse (Sybil), destined to bring chaos and total destruction to the world. Only Scrap can find a solution to the curse before it is too late.

FIDGET – every hero needs a sidekick and this one brings humour as he bumbles along on the journey. He is also there to provide solace and a sounding board for Scrap as she navigates the increasingly dangerous Outside.

RUBY & BARDO – when The Keep is breeched, the Hoaggs hunt for Scrap to try to prevent her from mass destruction. in all their various guises.

AGRIPPA – no one is meaner and more horrible than this lady, and her machinations add more conflict and obstacles for Scrap to overcome.

C. INTRIGUE/SECRET

SCRAP – She doesn’t initially know she is the Curse but when she discovers her fate, she has to use all her resources and learn to trust others to save the world

FIDGET – He is secretly a third guardian for Scrap.

RUBY & BARDO – They always knew Scrap was potentially dangerous but did not read the warning signs until it was too late. Now they take on various shapes in the race to stop her.

AGRIPPA – everyone thinks she is a do-gooder but she really forces orphans in her care to work in the dangerous belly of Outside, keeping the machines running.

D. MORAL ISSUES/BOUNDARIES CROSSED:

SCRAP – she has to lie and cheat to reach her goal. She may have to sacrifice her friends and even herself. How far is she willing to go?

FIDGET – he has very little conscience, programmed to stick by Scrap no matter what he has to do

RUBY & BARDO – these seasoned professionals have been guardians for as long as they can remember and one little girl is not going to stop them from carrying out their duty…or will she

AGRIPPA – if she is willing to sacrifice little children to reach her dastardly ends, will her son be her achilles heel?

E. UNPREDICTABLE:

SCRAP – besides the normal challenges and obstacles on the Outside, Scrap has to contend with the Curse (Sybil) causing her to act out of character, resulting is all kinds of disasters and mayhem at every corner.

FIDGET – he may not be properly wired so it isn’t just his speech patterns that go wonky at times, adding to Scraps troubles

RUBY & BARDO – we never know when they are going to show up in Scrap’s journey and in what form

AGRIPPA – she is a crafty piece of work at the best of times and when Scrap foils her plans, she digs deep and in unexpected ways to get what she wants

F. EMPATHETIC:

SCRAP – she is little and alone in a foreign, unknown landscape, and a naughty voice inside her coercing her to make havoc, and besides that she is a ticking time bomb!

FIDGET – he is a brave companion despite his obvious faults and shortcomings. His heart is non the right place.

RUBY & BARDO – no matter how hard they tried, the breech of the Keep was almost a foregone conclusion with such cataclysmic destructive power under their roof ready to low. Now they have to work hard to patch things up before humankind is gone forever.

AGRIPPA – even evil-to-the-core antagonists have their weak points. She may show the smallest child no mercy, or her son, but how does she feel about Cupcake, her boa constrictor?

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley – Trouble – PRE LESSON 1

PLOT LINE: Innocent on a mission in a strange world

WHAT MAKES STORY UNIQUE:

HOOK – protagonist Scrap is unknowingly ‘The Curse’ that will destroy the world

JOURNEY – she will have to destroy herself to save everyone

WORLD – nature vs machine; nature has been losing, last pod of resistance is The Keep; The Outside is run by robots and machines with humans reduced to idle mindless pleasure-seekers or enslaved keeping the underpinnings of the world working.

– The Keep steeped in superstition

CONFLICT – inner conflict crap overcoming her destiny; fighting control of the automated world led by Agrippa Chafe

CHARACTERS – Scrap darkling orphan isolated and kept under wraps who embodies the end of the world as they know it

Ruby – giantess, the guardian, who shores up the protections and keeps/protects Scrap from her destiny

Bardo – The collector, tending and categorizing castoffs and bits of the natural world

Agrippa Chafe – evil mastermind of The Outside, wanting ultimate control no matter what she has to do to keep it.

PRE LESSON 2: SHOW CONCEPT for Trouble

ENGAGING HIGHLY PROACTIVE HERO

RELATABLE – fighting against restrictions; underdog, wants a normal life, a normal family; who is her family?

MOTIVATION – forced upon her as the curse ‘ripened’ and she was sucked out into the world, away from the securing of the Keep and the safe keeping of Ruby and Bardo. Being the curse, she has to defeat it to save the world.

MAJOR CONFLICT –

EXTERNAL – finding her way back to the Keep and to see if Ruby and bardo are OK

– fighting against the automated world – it is against her nature

– going up against Agrippa’s evil plans

INTERNAL – facing off against the curse. she is a taking time bomb. thwarting her fate

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

START – Scrap chafing at superstitions and enclosed world. Curiosity about the Outside. Rebelling. magical and interesting Keep. Secrets and Lies.

CHALLENGE – Scrap will never be the same again. We see her changing not only because of the Curse but what she has to do to defeat it, be defeated by it or learn to live with it. She has to rely on herself. The powerful opponent of Agrippa Chafe and the almost overwhelming mechanical world. The huge challenge to overcome the Curse even if she has to scarce herself. Scrap causes cracks in the veneer of the Outside. She is forced to take risks, solve difficult problems, navigate the chaos she creates, face her fears

FINISH – facing the Curse, saving the world, even if it is just temporary.

UNIQUE – realization she is the protagonist and also embodies the ultimate threat

INTRIGUING SUB WORLDS

KEEP – eccentric and magical, natural and curious, enclosed and secretive, raising more questions than answers. details of superstitions, crazy charms, supporting and showing Scraps skills, weaknesses,

OUTSIDE – mechanical, powerful, crushingly hard to defeat. Cruelly using or fooling humans. Who is really in charge and what do they want? How does this workd support the conflict? and the transformation?

Who could populate this world?

Engineers – needed to keep machines going, repair, supply this world with controlled everything – weather, water, food

Tech support –

Work force under the surface – enslaved, sympathetic machines? is there a revolt? How does Scrap impact that? Is she the cause or the impetus of the uprising?

What can go wrong with these machines?

How does the main population spend there time? are they numbed by something? Do they care about anything? Do they make babies any more? Where are the children in this world? What has happened to them? Are they too messy and inconvenient? maybe people don’t know how to do anything for themselves any more. Totally reliant on robotic helpers (who are like drones caring for the hive).

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley LESSON 2 ASSIGNMENTS – THREE CIRCLES OF CHARACTERS

What I learned form this assignment: This made me do more thinking and rethinking about characters, and relationships and how each character has to support the story in some way. I think this will be a fluid process as the story develops.

ASSIGNMENT 1 EXAMPLES SHOWS:

JESSICA JONES

MAIN CHARACTERS CIRCLE: Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Trish Walker, Will Simpson, Kilgrave, Hope

B. CONNECTED CIRCLE: Malcom, Jeri, Oscar, Pryce, Inez, Alisa

C. ENVIRONMENTAL CIRCLE: people in bars, the police, law office, apartment building

………………..

SHADOW AND BONE

A. MAIN CHARACTERS CIRCLE: Alina, Mal, Kirigan, Baghra

B. CONNECTED CIRCLE: Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Deeson, Pekka, Tailor, Nina, Arken

C. ENVIRONMENTAL CIRCLE: First Army cartographers and trackers, Second Army Grishas, criminals and design of casinos and brothels, heartrenders, the king and his court

ASSIGNMENT 2 – TROUBLE

MAIN CHARACTERS CIRCLE: Scrap/Sybil(the curse), Ruby & Bardo Hoagg, Agrippa Chafe, Fidget, Toodie

B. CONNECTED CIRCLE: Registrar, Sorry (blind seer), Canker (bully), Got & Goat (nightcrawlers), Nancy (Agrippa’s son)

C. ENVIRONMENTAL CIRCLE: Underlings, engineers, fixers, idle hoi polloi of the Outside, little midgins, and scurries of the KEEP, clerks, mechanicals

Scrap is the protagonist, a darkling orphan living in the Keep, helping Ruby and Bardo preserve and document remnants of the natural world and cast-offs from the Outside.

Sybil is the fated curse living in Scrap, waiting to ripen and cause havoc in the world.

Ruby and Bardo Hoagg, shape-shifters and guardians of the Keep, as well as Scrap.

Agrippa Chafe, matron of the Institute of Child Protection, is a soft, squishy mother figure on the outside and an evil manipulator on the inside.

Fidget is Scrap’s 3rd guardian in the form of a cricket-like creature, half inspect/half machine.

Toodie a street waif befriended by Scrap on the Outside.

[Norene Smiley]

Hi. I’m Norene Smiley. I am a writer, visual artist and sometimes filmmaker living in a small village in Nova Scotia, Canada. I have written one full-length script, three scripts for shorts, which I produced, and two picture books. I hope to use the structure and process of the course to concentrate on finishing/refining a middle-grade novel that I have been working on far too long. I am a sucker for pratfalls, unexpected moments and quirky sidekicks.

[Norene Smiley]

LESSON 1 ASSIGNMENT –

JESSICA JONES AND SHADOW AND BONE – 5 STAR MODEL

What I learned about this assignment: to be more critical and question why I like some shows over others. I think it has to do mostly about how empathetic the main characters are and how intriguing the world they are placed in is.

JESSICA JONES

5-Star Points:

Big Picture Hooks – Jessica is troubled detective with super powers in a film-noir environment

Amazing and Intriguing Character – Why is she a struggling detective if she has the ability to be a super hero? Who is she spying on? What/who is she afraid of? Why does she use alcohol and sex to numb her?

3. Empathy/Distress – she puts herself in danger to help others even though she is terrified

4. Layers/Open loops – why does she have super powers? how did she end up being a detective? what is she afraid of? what is her connection to Trish? Luke?

5. Inviting Obsession – we want to know what she is going to do to help Erin and what powerful opponent she is facing to do it

SHADOW AND BONE

5-Star Points:

Big Picture Hooks – unique world divided by the dangerous Shadow Fold, and populated by characters that may have powers to defeat it

Amazing and Intriguing Character – Alina, half-breed Shu orphan who seems to have a power that she doesn’t know about; her bravery and deep connection on childhood friend Mal

3. Empathy/Distress – Alina is and underdog, shunned by others due to her race. She would do anything for her friend Mal, even volunteer for a perilous journey into the Fold.

4. Layers/Open loops – What is the Shadow Fold? How do some people have magical powers in this world? What are Alina and Mal’s secrets? What is Alina’s power? What will happen to Alina with Kaz and the Crows after her? Will Mal survive his injuries from the Volcra attack on the ship? Who is the Black General Kirigan?

5. Inviting Obsession – we want the answers to these questions and to explore this fascinating world more

[Norene Smiley]

Norene Smiley

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 6 – SUBTEXT DIALOGUE

NORENE SMILEY – TROUBLE

VERSION 1. DIALOGUE COVERS SUBTEXT:

Scrap wonders about how she came to live at the Keep and where she came from. The more Bardo tells the story, the more it changes. He is either an unreliable narrator or is hiding something. Something is fishy.

Bardo: “—found you by a big trash bin—“ A jab from Ruby. “—no, that’s not it. I spied you under the park bench, all wrapped up snug as a bug in a blanket, in spite of the snow. Next to the Wentworth St. bus stop, I’m sure of it. Remember it well. The dumpster behind the Ravoli Cafe beside the Museum of Natural History, that’s the ticket. Good at finding, I am.” Bardo beamed at me, mopping up the rivers of sweat running into his eyes.

VERSION 2. DIALOGUE POINTS TO SUBTEXT:

Example 1 – Ruby wondering why the normal precautions to keep the Keep secure are not working.

Ruby: “I fortified the repel and scatter conjures just this morning, three times over! Did not?

Trouble pressed her lips together.

Ruby: “Not one measly crumb, nor blade of grass nor creature of any kind should be able to rupture spells that steadfast. Is that not so?”

Ruby stopped in the middle of the kitchen, waiting for agreement. Trouble braced her skinny arms across her chest and scowled.

Ruby: “But instead, they’re as thin as parchment, with birds poking through all higgery piggery, and you, prancing like a mad thing on top of the house! ”

Example 2: Where Ruby and Bardo worry about what’s up with Scrap.

Ruby: “But how they doing it? The spells have never fizzled before. Why now? What’s causing—“

Bardo (grabbed her arm, hanging on for mercy.) “Don’t think–it’s her? The girl’s been patchy, of late. You said so yourself.”

Ruby: “Don’t be daft. She’s only nine—it’s too soon.“

But Ruby’s eyes reluctantly rose to the ceiling.

What I learned from this assignment: I found the two versions of subtext in dialogue a bit hard not to confuse. I need more practice!

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 5 – SUBTEXT ACTION

NORENE SMILEY – TROUBLE

VERSION 1. ACTION OPPOSITE DIALOGUE:

Scrap and Ruby are repairing and strengthening wards and charms around the Keep. Charms are popping and expiring even as they rush to fortify them.

Ruby: “That’s right, that’s right, girlie. Good and snug, make it. Can’t have the cinchers flying off ‘em turkey claws if the pressure rises.”

Scrap is vibrating. Ruby pats her big hands on Scrap’s shoulders as if to tamp her down.

“Keepin’ ye safe, we are. Not to worry.” (but of course there is a worry)

VERSION 2. ACTION HIDING SOMETHING COVERT:

Scrap tries to get Bardo to tell her how she came to live in The Keep when she was a baby. But Bardo keeps walking out of the room mid-story, or fumbling with the Collection and getting distracted or throwing objects at her as if they are playing a game.

What I learned from this assignment: I like the action vs dialogue. Effective use of subtext and giving more layers to characters. Helped me think of the characters’ actions more intentionally to support the scene.

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 4 – SUBTEXT SITUATIONS

NORENE SMILEY – TROUBLE

SITUATION 1:

Surface – Scrap is helping Ruby repair and strengthen wards and charms around the Keep.

Beneath the Surface – Deception – Ruby tells Scrap it is to maintain the safety and integrity of The Keep and prevent evil from entering. The charms are really to contain Scrap and protect the world from the chaos she is capable of causing.

Sabotage – Scrap who is normally proficient fumbles the job and is afraid to admit to her failure, leaving The Keep more unprotected

Unaware – Scrap is unaware of the trouble that she will cause if the protections are not in place

SITUATION 2:

Surface – Bardo enlists Scrap’s help in sorting and stowing some of his finds.

Beneath the Surface – Misinterpretation – Bardo misunderstands Scrap and leaves her to handle the process.

Sabotage – Scrap with building resentment, purposefully mis-sorts causing a domino effect of rumblings throughout the Keep

Unaware – Scrap doesn’t know her actions are contributing to the building tension. In fact she is acting out of character. Doesn’t seem to be in control of herself.

Can’t Say – Something or someone is preventing Scrap from telling Ruby and Bardo that she has something wrong with her.

SITUATION 3:

Surface – Agrippa Chafe saves Scrap from the street and takes her to the warm safety of the Institute for Child Protection

Beneath the Surface – Misinterpretation – Agrippa thinks Scrap is just another homeless orphan who she can manipulate

Superior Position – We know Scrap is not who she seems.

Deception – Agrippa deceives Scrap about the purpose of the Institute. Scrap misleads Agrippa about her reason for going with her.

Sabotage – Scrap tries to disrupt the working of the Institute to save her friend

Unaware – Scrap does not realize the impact of the power she is unleashing

What I learned from this assignment: Like in the earlier assignments, I am learning to build a more textured and layered world that will hopefully strengthen the story if I can keep all these balls in the air.

[Norene Smiley]

SUBTEXT – CHARACTER

TROUBLE (FANTASY) – NORENE SMILEY

TYPE OF CHARACTER SUBTEXT:

Subject Identity:

Scrap – orphan/embodiment of The Trouble curse destined to destroy the world

Ruby & Bardo Hoagg – Guardians//shape shifters

Agrippa Chafe – community do-gooder/power-hungry mastermind

B. Ironic Character:

Scrap – small defenceless child who is danger to mankind

Ruby & Bardo – protectors who could be seen as jailers

Agrippa – warm and cuddly mother figure who is evil to the core

C. Expressing Internal State:

Scrap – unaware that she is destined to create chaos and the end of things

Ruby & Bardo – secret keepers of Scrap’s identity, tasked with protecting the world from her

Agrippa – is secretly the real power behind how the Outside operates

WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO COVER UP? and HOW WILL THEY COVER THAT SUBTEXT?

Scrap – hiding changes she knows are welling up inside her from Ruby & Bardo by distracting and lying to them

– afraid to tell them about signs of weaknesses in the Keep. She is in fear of what is happening to her and covers by acting out

– abandonment issues she is unaware of

– later in story she lies to new friends to hide that she is causing bad luck everywhere

Ruby & Bardo – hiding Scrap’s true identity by lying to Scrap, hiding evidence, misdirections

Agrippa – hiding what powers the Outside’s massive machines by intimidation, threats and dirty deeds

– hiding that she is the ultimate power of the city by never breaking face she shows the public

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: subtext can help resolve character development challenges

[Norene Smiley]

SUBTEXT – ENVIRONMENT

TROUBLE (FANTASY) – Norene Smiley

Deeper meaning: You have the power to control your own fate

Environment #1 – The Keep

• closed, secretive, steeped in superstitions, magic, cautions and restrictions – run according to the ‘old ways’; full of the ‘lost, discarded things’ that Bardo scavenges from the Outside world <div>

• this environment shows Scrap’s skills in organizing, deciphering, problem-solving
Ruby and Bardo appear paranoid and anxious pointing to subtext about Scrap’s real story and that she may not be what she seems

• even though Scrap normally loves life in the Keep and her tasks organizing the disordered collections of ephemera, the restrictions start to chafe and she revolts – the pressure and resentment is shown, not only in Scrap’s actions but in how collected items, The Keep itself are reacting. Nothing seems to be in control of itself. Scrap is coming of age – hatching. The Curse is taking over.

Environment #2 – The Outside

• this is a work of rigid order, pristine surfaces, machines, vast workforces where oddities and those considered to be superfluous are eradicated or forced to live in the shadows – the natural world is considered inferior and distasteful. </div><div>

• The Outside throws Scrap into high relief. She is the ultimate fish-out-of-water in this environment. Everything is foreign and there is real danger here for her, as the order is disrupted everywhere she goes. It forces her to use her skills in being unnoticed, agility, evasiveness. It requires that she acquire new skills, to trust herself and others, enlisting new friends to survive. It requires her to overcome her fears.

• The subtext that she is the actual cause of the chaos that is unleashed is revealed and not only puts the world in obvious jeopardy but Scrap herself. Everyone wants to stop her. She has to face who she really is, that she is ‘bad’. She may have to sacrifice those she cares for or herself.

What I learned doing this assignment: World-building is aided tremendously by developing subtext. I might need to rethink and massage the deeper meaning of the story to make all the components work. I have to be willing to make changes, even to the biggest components, to heighten the subtext, as the story is further developed.

</div>

[Norene Smiley]

MASTERING SUBTEXT

Assignment 1 – Plot Subtext – ‘Trouble’ – Children’s Fantasy

Norene Smiley

1. In The Keep, young Scrap is reluctantly enlisted to help her superstitious guardians, Ruby and Bardo Hoagg, reinforce the failing wards, spells and charms protecting their hidey-hole from the threats of the “Outside”.

Subtext: Ruby and Bardo are really setting the charms in place to keep the ‘curse’, embodied in little Scrap, contained, to protect the the world from the danger that she represents.

2. Despite their precautions, Scrap revolts and the ominous pressures increase to such a high pitch that the fortifications fail. Scrap is catapulted into the world outside The Keep.

Subtext: Scrap is ‘hatching’, causing the unease throughout The Keep until she unintentionally causes the breech and is thrown out of The Keep, separating her from her protectors.

3. The Outside world, despite being obsessed with order and progress, is one frightening experience after another. Scrap narrowly dodges a series of calamities, accidents and sudden hazards, with the help of a talking dog-like creature and a sub-culture of disenfranchised underlings.

SUBTEXT: Scrap is unknowingly activating this chaos. Ruby and Bardo, taking other forms, are not too far behind, saving the day and averting tragedy.

4. Scrap discovers she is the Curse and resolves to find the key to reverse her fate. But the clock is ticking and there are forces in play that would like to use Scrap’s power for their own purposes.

Subtext: You have the power to forge your own destiny. From disorder comes order. You have to trust your friends to help you.

5. Scrap is able to defuse the curse and save the world…for now.

Subtext: Overcoming your fear will set you free.

What I learned doing this assignment: I have to look deeper into the story and figure out what is really happening.

[Norene Smiley]

Thanks. Didn’t see this when I sent last message.

[Norene Smiley]

Hi there. My email is norene48@gmail.com. If you send me your email, I can do the same.

Thanks!

[Norene Smiley]

David, would like to exchange feedback with me on our Thriller maps? Norene

[Norene Smiley]

Joseph! Love your concept. I haven’t seen anything like it before. Lots of sticky situations for your protagonist to get in, one worse than the other.

[Norene Smiley]

Hi Daniel,

I too am writing a fantasy. Would you be interested in exchanging BW Frameworls for feedback?

Norene Smiley -info@norenesmiley.com

[Norene Smiley]

Hi David, I thought your breakdown really understood the intent of the subtext assignment. Clearly and economically.