David Thompson
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David Thompson has Finished Wordsmithing!
What I learned doing this assignment is how easy the process is with all that I have learned in this class.
The script is tight, extraneous words removed. I tend to write too much description, a hold-over from writing novels, and I wound up cutting several paragraphs and shortening the script by three pages. Pacing the action, plus killing several scenes I figured were needed, but in reality, was just filler. I also used the usual proofing apps I also use with my books (once I figured out how to change its defaults to allow the script formatting and present tense).
An excellent pilot script is the result.
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David Thompson Has Amazing Description!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to snag the attention of the reader, pull them into the story and not let go until they reach the last page. The handout is very, very helpful.
I have several scenes which need improvement in this fashion. I looked at a scene where two of the Furies are dealing with a human trafficker. A lot to rewrite there using the handout!
Before:
A heavyset man, PABLO, swings a gate shut.
A beat-up small moving truck is idling by the gate. Pablo walks by and a whimpering is heard.
Pablo bangs on the side of the van.
After:
A heavyset man, PABLO, swings a gate shut, locking it. He’s one of those thick-set guys with a considerable “beer gut” hanging over a huge cowboy belt buckle.
His small beat-up moving van is idling by the gate. Pablo walks next to the cargo area and a whimpering is heard.
Pablo bangs on the side of the van.
Before:
He rounds the truck to the front, and checks a dead headlight. He thumps it, grunts and moves on around to the driver’s door when the door SLAMS into him, knocking him to the ground.
After:
Shaking his head, he rounds the truck to the front, and checks a dead headlight. He thumps it, grunts and moves on around to the driver’s door, climbing inside.
In the truck, he tries to drive, the engine coughs, sputters, then dies.
He kicks open the driver’s door, and slides out.
He’s met with a fist to this forehead. He staggers back, leaning against the truck’s cab.
Final Example, introduction to the Underworld, a realm of demons, monsters, dragons, and assorted horrors.
Before:
BUNE, a demon. Looks human. Wearing a green tunic and has a military bearing. His goatee has a slight greenish cast.
Bune is striding down this glossy corridor, passing torches in wall sconces.
He approaches a doorway where two DEMON GUARDS are standing.
One guard snaps to attention when Bune approaches. The other begins to open the door.
Bune nods, then halts.
After:
BUNE, a demon. Currently, looks human. Wearing a green tunic and has a military bearing. His goatee has a slight greenish cast.
Bune strides down this glossy corridor, passing torches in wall sconces, casting multiple shadows on the opposite wall. Bune’s shadow is a huge multi-headed dragon.
He approaches a doorway where a two DEMON GUARDS are standing. These demons are round, with squat heads and one had tusks protruding from his lower jaw.
They look both dangerous and quite stupid.
One guard snaps to attention when Bune approaches. The other begins to open the door.
Bune nods, then halts.
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David Thompson Has Great Introductions!
What I learned doing this assignment is to give characters the best introduction possible, in as few words as possible, and in a very intriguing way. It’s the only spot in a screenplay where we can be very descriptive. The introduction to the world of the Furies is spread across multiple scenes, and I looked at each one, and made a lot of changes.
The world and the Fury, Tisiphone:
On the black motorcycle is TISIPHONE. A FURY. A goddess. Not one of the nicer goddesses, but a bloodthirsty goddess of revenge.
Heart stopping beauty mixed with literal heart stopping powers. Long, black hair, a love of black leather, and a long-standing friendship with Death himself.
Tisiphone wears the black chopper, it’s an extension of herself. Her hair streaming behind her.
The setting sun now gives her a halo of fire.
The Fury, Megaera:
One person stands out, MEGAERA. Age appears to be late 20s. Megaera is a Fury – this one is blonde, a “nuclear blonde” who is hot enough to fuse sand into glass. Her name literally means “Jealous Rage”.
No one else notices her. Which is good as she’s getting angrier by the second.
Finally, the Fury, Alecto:
The rider is a lithe woman, long black hair flowing out behind her. She’s in a maroon riding outfit.
ALECTO. She is the third Fury. Exotic. Lean muscle defines her form as she rides. Dark hair streaked with maroon. A goddess of vengeance who can assume any human form, so Alecto projects breath-taking beauty. The same type of beauty is often seen in leopards, huge, venomous snakes, and poisonous flowers. Her name means “endless anger”.
Main Character, Dan Lanahan:
DAN LANAHAN watches Simmons. Dan is about 40. Thin, pain-weary eyes that have seen it all, and didn’t even get a t-shirt. A big city cop squeezed into a small town.
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David Thompson’s Description 1!
What I learned doing this assignment is – shoot, no matter how well your descriptions are, they can be made better. Sometimes the changes I’d make don’t work, so I’d work up two or three versions. Sometimes I just broke up the description to how it might look on the screen, the shots one after another.
My five examples:
1:
Before: Tisiphone stops, watches Fallows briefly as he crawls.
She slips off the chopper.
She is lit from behind. All we see is a silhouette. Huge WINGS appear. They spread outward.
Fallows crawls slowly, looking back, eyes wide. His hands grab at the dirt. One hand hits a black boot. Tisiphone’s boot.
After: Tisiphone stops, watches Fallows briefly as he flails in the dirt.
She slips off the motorcycle.
The sun is behind her, and all we see is a silhouette. Huge WINGS appear. They spread outward.
Fallows crawls slowly, looking back, eyes wide. His hands grab at the dirt. One hand hits a black boot.
2:
Before: An old sedan parked under a shady tree. A man is eating lunch and admiring a baseball card in a thick plastic case. A blonde woman appears behind him.
After: A quiet parking lot. A sedan parked under a tree. Simmons eating lunch. As he’s admiring a BASEBALL card in a thick plastic holder, he is stuffing a sandwich into his mouth.
Megaera appears behind him. He doesn’t notice her.
3:
Before: A cop watches Simmons. DAN LANAHAN, around 30ish, skinny, haggard.
After: DAN LANAHAN watches Simmons. Dan is about 40. Thin, pain-weary eyes that have seen it all. A big city cop squeezed into a small town.
4:
Before:
Simmons looks at Megaera – his eyes wild and determined. Dan looks down, then up at Simmons with a glint of anger.
His eyes narrow and his mouth forms a thin, angry line.
Dan’s hand on his gun.
Simmons is distracted by Megaera, Dan takes a step towards Simmons.
The gun fires.
After:
Simmons looks at Megaera – his eyes wild and determined.
Dan looks down at the floor, then back up at Simmons. A glint of fury in Dan’s eyes.
His eyes narrow and his mouth forms a thin, angry line.
Dan’s hand on his gun.
Simmons is distracted by Megaera, Dan takes a step towards Simmons.
BAM – the gun fires.
5: Sometimes it is just changing a word or two…
Before: Alecto moves so that she’s directly over Juan’s head. A lethal KATANA appears in her hand. She snatches Juan up by the hair and SWINGS the katana.
After:
Alecto moves so that she’s directly over Juan. A lethal KATANA appears in her hand. She snatches Juan’s head up by the hair and SWINGS the katana.
Juan’s head goes rolling away.
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David Thompson Has Great Dialogue!
What I learned from doing this assignment — dialogue, no matter how good you think your dialog is, there are ways to improve on it.
Five examples follow of what I managed to accomplish.
1. Before: I can’t believe you missed it. The only tree for miles.
After: The only tree for miles, and you managed to miss it.
2. For now, I’m keeping both versions. I need to let this one line simmer a bit before I call it finished.
Before: Your old man was okay with everything until he saw you WASTING the money. He was all ready to go, he was so bored and all he had to look forward to was the nightly hand job from another resident. He really liked that one. She had Parkinson’s.
After: Your old man was perfectly fine with everything until he witnessed you squandering the money. He was all set to leave, feeling utterly bored, with his only source of excitement being the nightly companionship of another resident. He had a special fondness for her, but only because she had Parkinson’s.
3. Before: She had such a high opinion of her cousin. Guys like you will never achieve enlightenment in this life, so…
After: She loved her cousin, she loved you and looked up to you! You were her hero! Well. Guys like you will never achieve enlightenment in this life, so…
4. Before: You said Lanahan can identify the body?
After: You said Dan is on his way? You know he can’t be involved in the investigation.
5. Before: Once the boss deals with the Furies, and with Hades out of the way, we shall attack into Elysian and then move into Hades’ own domain. His messenger reports that the sisters will be weakened soon, and easily defeated.
After: Once the boss deals with the Furies, and with Hades no longer an obstacle, our plan is to launch an assault on Elysian and subsequently infiltrate Hades’ personal realm. According to our messenger, the sisters will soon be weakened, making them vulnerable and easily conquerable.
(On this one, I’m saving multiple versions. One will eventually outshine the others)
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David Thompson’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is I pretty much already use these techniques in my novels. So I revisited all scenes and looked to see where I can alter the dialogue for more subtext, then a pass on dialogue as action.
I’ll use this scene as an example. As originally written, it moved the plot along, but lacked real conflict and certainly didn’t use subtext. The sequence is stretched out across several scenes, with other short scenes inserted to break it up, going back and forth between these two characters, and the serial killer – but this is a rough draft using both subtext and action dialogue
Original;
INT. DAN’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dan opens the door and enters, arms filled with folders and a bag of take out.
DAN
Dude! Dinner!
He drops the folders on the cluttered couch and starts to the kitchen.
A noise from the kitchen. He freezes at the doorway. He slowly reaches for his weapon.
Megaera steps into view, holding Dude.
DAN
What the fuck!
Dan recognizes her.
MEGAERA
How rude.
Megaera sets Dude down.
DAN
What are you doing here? How did you get in!
She walks up to Dan and looks him in the eye. She hesitates briefly – confused because now at close range, she’s attracted.
MEGAERA
I’ll ask the questions. How the fuck did you see me?
DAN
What – how did I…you were two feet away from that guy! How could I miss you? You could have been killed.
Megaera laughs.
MEGAERA
Many have tried. Let’s have a chat, shall we?
DAN
Sounds familiar.
MEGAERA
You brought dinner, nice. Oh and Li Shou said you need to clean the litter box. In fact, you need to clean the whole house.
DAN
His name is Dude.
MEGAERA
Li Shou.
Dude appears and rubs against his legs.
DAN
Some watch cat you are…
MEGAERA
It’s not his fault.
Dan decides to get brave and steps in.
DAN
What were you doing at the crime scene?
MEGAERA
That’s private.
Megaera takes the bag of food and marches to the living room.
DAN
Hey. Excuse me.
So, I did a pass for both Subtext, and action this is I have right now in this draft
INT. DAN’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dan opens the door and enters, arms filled with folders and a bag of take out.
DAN
Dude! Dinner!
He drops the folders on the cluttered couch and starts to the kitchen.
DAN
Dude! Hey buddy!
A noise from the kitchen. He freezes at the doorway. He slowly reaches for his weapon.
Megaera steps into view, holding Dude.
DAN
What the fuck!
Dan recognizes her. He aims his weapon at her.
DAN
Hold it right there, lady!
MEGAERA
How incredibly rude.
Megaera sets Dude down.
DAN
I said freeze!
Dan fumbles for his cell phone, keeping Megaera in sight.
She walks up to Dan and looks him in the eye. She hesitates briefly – confused because now at close range, she’s attracted.
MEGAERA
I’ll ask the questions. How the fuck did you see me?
She calmly pushes his weapon aside.
DAN
lady, you were two feet away from that guy! How could I miss you? You could have been killed.
Megaera laughs.
MEGAERA
Many have tried. Let’s have a chat, shall we?
DAN
Not until I get back-up, and you answer a few dozen questions –
MEGAERA
Oh! You brought dinner, nice. Oh and your cat said you need to clean the litter box. In fact, you should to clean the whole house.
DAN
His name is Dude.
MEGAERA
Ever stop to consider what he wants to be called? Of course not.
Dude appears and rubs against his legs.
DAN
He’s an asshole…
MEGAERA
It’s not his fault.
Dan decides to get brave and steps in.
DAN
What were you doing at the crime scene?
MEGAERA
That’s private.
Megaera takes the bag of food and marches to the living room.
DAN
Hey! Excuse me.
Still working it out.
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David Thompson’s Dialogue 4 – 6
What I learned doing this assignment is…? I learned I apparently already use irony a lot. Also sarcasm. So I went through and pulled some ironic examples. Although I did improve upon this small sample scene. Then some set-ups with my 2nd example.
Work continues… I need more anticipatory dialog, so I combine multiple uses of all three in most of my scenes.
Example 1:
Before:
Dan is walking along the main hallway. As he passes a door, CHIEF PARKER steps out.
Parker is a heavyset man, late 50s, typical almost-retired cop.
PARKER
Dan! Good job on that stand-off. Radio is calling you a hero.
DAN
I’m no damned hero. A hero is a sandwich. I just did my job.
PARKER
Understood. Reports on my desk by 5, alright?
DAN
Yeah.
Parker nods and steps back into his room.
After:
PARKER
Dan! Good job on that stand-off. The press is calling you a hero. They love you!
DAN
Today they love me, tomorrow they’ll want me hung. Besides, I was just doing my job.
PARKER
Alright. Reports on my desk by 5, alright?
DAN
Yeah.
Example 2: Set-ups/ pay-offs – very important for any pilot or movie. I use dialogue to anticipate future events. Although, I did find multiple areas where this needed extra work. An example is Fury Megaera’s obsession with Dan.
Before:
During a scene where the Furies take on a human smuggler, Alecto teases Megaera about her apparent crush on the cop, Dan.
I’ll pick this up in mid-scene. Alecto is teasing the human smuggler with her sword.
As Alecto toys with Pablo, she talks to Megaera.
ALECTO
See, this is how you deal with stubborn targets.
MEGAERA
Simmons wasn’t stubborn.
ALECTO
But you lost control.
Pablo mounts an attack. Alecto fends it off with ease.
MEGAERA
That damned cop. He interfered.
Alecto smiles.
ALECTO
You’ve lost your touch.
MEGAERA
I have not!
ALECTO
I’d have killed him. Not losing your touch, sister? Alright. Here.
Alecto tosses Megaera the katana. Megaera snatches it out of the air. Pablo turns and attacks.
Megaera steps forward and slices.
ALECTO
Then you’re just sweet on that cop.
MEGAERA
I am not!
ALECTO
Well, then, kill the bastard. It’s how I deal with my inner desires. You have a bad habit of losing control around mortals who get your blood moving. You’ve lost your touch.
Megaera quickly swings. Pablo head goes rolling across the desert sand.
MEGAERA
No, I’m not losing my touch.
Alecto pokes at the head with her toe.
ALECTO
No reason to lose your head over this.
After:
MEGAERA
That damned cop. He interfered.
Alecto smiles.
ALECTO
I would have killed him. You’ve lost your touch.
MEGAERA
I have not!
ALECTO
Alright. Here.
Alecto tosses Megaera the katana. Megaera snatches it out of the air. Pablo turns and attacks.
Megaera steps forward and slices.
ALECTO
Then you’re just sweet on that cop.
MEGAERA
I am not!
ALECTO
Yes, dear, you are.
Megaera quickly swings. Pablo’s head goes rolling across the desert sand.
MEGAERA
No, I’m not.
Alecto pokes at the head with her toe.
ALECTO
No reason to lose your head over this.
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Module 4, Lesson 8
David Thompson’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am apparently ahead of the curve. I have always used dialogue in this manner – even with my first cartoons while in Jr High (Middle School nowadays). Dialogue attack-counter attack, and developing the character via dialogue.
So, it was time for this pass in the pilot draft, draft 3 now.
A complete rewrite of a hallway scene between the MC and his boss, then picked up the same when our MC talks to his partner. Dan saw something no one else saw. Is he going crazy? WE know he isn’t as the person he saw was supernatural. You know, show, not tell, so I have multiple scenes without dialogue. I continued along that line of revision and totally rewrote almost all the scenes with dialogue, then I started cutting unneeded lines, just to add subtext. (That’s probably a later assignment).
Here’s a rewritten scene – going from where Gaia is a bystander to taking a more direct role in the scene, and I ramped up with conflict between the two Furies. (All formatting lost, tho). Entire purpose of this bit was to develop the characters and lay the foundation for our main season one plot.
The air shimmers and a brief breeze blows.
Tisiphone appears in mid-stride.
She kneels and joins Gaia at the edge of the garden.
GAIA
Good morning, dear!
TISIPHONE
Delfina says “hi”.
GAIA
Wonderful! How is she doing these days?
TISIPHONE
Getting older. And as obscure as possible.
GAIA
That’s right. Oracles tend to be a bit cryptic.
TISIPHONE
Cryptic? How about obtuse?
GAIA
Is this all you needed to talk about?
TISIPHONE
Megaera had her target almost escape.
Megaera appears.
MEGAERA
Yes, almost is the key phrase.
TISIPHONE
You’re slipping.
MEGAERA
Go screw your horse.
GAIA
Dears, please. Is the petitioner satisfied?
MEGAERA
I didn’t stick around to find out.
TISIPHONE
She was seen.
MEGAERA
Yes, and not on purpose. I need to know how he spotted me.
GAIA
A mortal spotting you isn’t unusual. There are plenty of humans who can see us. Cats and dogs see us all the time.
MEGAERA
I’m talking about a damned cop, not a damned cat. He’s pushy! Arrogant!
TISIPHONE
Just your type.
MEGAERA
What part of fuck right off are you not understanding!
TISIPHONE
These things never end well for the mortal.
MEGAERA
Not as bad as your history! At least I let them live…
Gaia silences both by waving her hand.
GAIA
Please, you’re upsetting the bees. Take this discussion inside.
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David Thompson’s Completed P/S Grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is that the grid really, really helps.
I have several issues with the pilot, and how to adjust what I want to set-up, and I dug into the basics of the outline, versus the original material AND the needs of the pilot itself. I am confident that I can overcome these issues and create a pilot that is both faithful to the original material and well-received by audiences. I’ve rewritten ACT 1 and ACT 3 completely. Next will be ACTs 4 and 5. Make the ending stronger, pull a viewer into the series by the front of their shirt and not let go for 9 more episodes.
This grid #2 is a great tool. I’m going to keep a copy on my desk (buried under other notes)!
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David Thompson’s Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned from doing this assignment is that this grid is very handy!
My first pass I highlighted the issues I already knew I had. I needed more …. Reasons for Megaera to act the way she does when she first confronts our hapless hero for seeing her in sequence #2.
(Oh, I go by sequences, as in “Motorcycle Chase Desert Sequence” and “Grocery store standoff” and each contains multiple wee lil’ scenes.)
I know I have an issue with WHY Gaia tracks down Dan and tries to talk to him about his dead niece, but it’s an issue I know that goes back to the 3rd draft of the original screenplay before it became a novel. And there it was, like a minor, but aggravating, virus you just can’t shake.
So, I needed to craft a scene where Gaia gets some serious foreshadowing down. She’s THE earth goddess, so she’s pretty omniscient, so it’s as if she’s orchestrating everything. But it also highlights a weakness in my story.
I’m working on that, plus some pacing issues. I decided the mystery wasn’t enough, so I had to go back and SHOW who the killer is to the reader, but it stays a mystery to the cops. Which sets up an episode 3 WTF moment when the killer shows up to talk to the cops, and is actually a FBI profiler. (DUN-DUN-DUUNN!)
Then some more mysteries implanted about why Dan sees the Fury. In Act V, I have the entire Megaera-Dan scene play out, but I’m thinking it doesn’t set up properly. I turned to the grid, and used some new open loops which won’t be resolved until Episode 2, Act 1.
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David Thompson Has Finished Act 4 + 5 –
What I learned and what I did in this assignment is I simply blasted through the entire outline, using my original material for inspiration, but essentially keeps most scenes the way they were written, with added material for Acts 4 & 5. It took me an afternoon to pull the entire rough draft together. I use Fade In, it’s far more user friendly than Final Draft, plus it reads/writes in the Final Draft format. It’s how I always write anyway.
Act 5 is rough. As rough as an old country dirt road after a bad winter. BUT – it’s there. You can’t edit a blank page.
For ME, the next step is to print the thing, and look for major plotting and rhythm issues. That’s what the 2nd and 3rd drafts are for.
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David Thompson’s Finished Act 3 – Ball 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that it validates my process I’ve used for a long while. No seat-of-the-pants writing. No stream of consciousness, just write and – as Larry says, “Git ‘er Done!”
Looking at my utilization of the speed writing rules:
A. Consistently use.
B. Some use.
C. Need to start using.
Rule 1:B
Rule 2:A
Rule 3:A
Rule 4:A
Rule 5:A
Rule 6:A
Rule 7: There is NOOOO Rule 7.
Rule 8: No FACEBOOK!
Rule 8A: NO YOUTUBE!!!
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David Thompson’s Finished Act 1 First Draft
What did I learn? Okay, there’s a few issues I have with my pacing, but this act was taken in whole from my original screenplay, as it still worked within the concept of Binge Worthy! Act 2 is about the same, then it’s to new material. My concern right now is just getting this whole thing finished and moving to the next draft, with timing improvements and subtext in the dialogues, etc.
My Act 1 is 15 pages, currently, and the revised outline is working out quite well. Only thing I didn’t do as usual is put it all on notecards and then on the wall, a visual of the beats of the outline. I can step back and just look at it.
Although I have done the timeline on chart paper I tape together and each square is a ½ page, the notecard method works.
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Module Four – Lesson 1 TEASER
David Thompson’s Teaser / High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is that what I’d already had down for the Teaser still works. I always work from an outline, I use Scrivener initially to craft the outline (chapters for novels and books, Acts and scenes for screenplays) and I know it makes the whole process move rapidly.
Here’s my current draft of the “Cold Open” or Teaser (formatting lost, of course)
EXT. ROADWAY – SUNSET
…the setting sun. Huge orange ball on the horizon. Dust billowing like flames.
TILT down to a road stretching off into the distance. Heat blooms in waves off the pavement.
SFX: A ROAR OF ENGINES – LOUD.
A RED MOTORCYCLE flies past followed by a BLACK CUSTOM CHOPPER. They are racing full out. Flying at us from the sunset.
The noise is deafening.
Tisiphone wears the black chopper, it’s an extension of herself. Her hair streaming behind her.
The setting sun now gives her a halo of fire.
FALLOWS is a rough biker type covered in tattoos. His attire says “Don’t fuck with me”.
His round, red face is contorted with fear. Rear view mirror shows Tisiphone
His eyes widen in panic. He twists the throttle and his motorcycle accelerates. He looks up and a CURVE looms. He loses control.
The red chopper twists and tumbles violently.
Fallows lands HARD, flips across the landscape. It has to hurt.
He looks back over his shoulder and begins to move, slowly, painfully, somehow still alive. Face BLOODY. Eyes WIDE.
Tisiphone stops, watches Fallows briefly as he crawls.
She slips off the chopper.
She is lit from behind. All we see is a silhouette. Huge WINGS appear. They spread outward.
Fallows crawls slowly, looking back, eyes wide. His hands grab at the dirt. One hand hits a black boot. Tisiphone’s boot.
She kneels next to him. Fallows’ bloody eyes widen and follow Tisiphone as she examines him. His eyes pegged to her wings.
Tisiphone grabs his hair and pulls his head back.
TISIPHONE
I can’t believe you missed it. The only tree for miles.
Tisiphone twists his head to look at a tree.
TISIPHONE
Oh, take a good look.
She picks up a small twig then stands.
TISIPHONE
Remember now? That’s the tree that broke your brother’s neck.
She snaps the twig.
She crouches over Fallows.
TISIPHONE
(holds thumb and finger up)
Missed it by that much!
She stands and looks at Fallows.
FALLOWS
How the hell do you know…
TISIPHONE
He told me. He told me all about you.
FALLOWS
What…?
Tisiphone shakes her head and points.
A tall man appears. His head lays at an odd angle. There’s an etheric glow around him.
TISIPHONE
Oh hun, he told me. Everything.
FALLOWS
What…? He can’t! He’s dead!
Tisiphone shakes her head and points.
A tall man appears. His head lays at an odd angle. There’s an etheric glow around him.
TISIPHONE
Yes, he is.
She looks at his broken leg. Bloody bone poking through fabric.
TISIPHONE
And you are in no shape to make the run again. Only one thing for it.
FALLOWS
What do you want? Money? I’ll pay you.
She crouches over Fallows and puts her hands on his cheeks.
TISIPHONE
Hun, I just want what your brother wants. Retribution.
She kneels again and grasps the top of his head. She forces him to look at her.
She slowly twists his neck – we see tortured pain on his face – and then we hear a CRACK as she quickly snaps it.
His eyes are locked on hers.
TISIPHONE
That’s not what really killed him. It was the snakes. Lots and lots of snakes.
She stops and looks around.
TISIPHONE
Damn! Never one when you need one. Oh, well.
Her arm lifts up and an enormous RATTLESNAKE is twisting in her hand, its tail buzzing.
She drops it on his back. He screams as the snake begins STRIKING.
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David Thompson’s Outline With Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s all coming together, getting better. My internal thoughts are on the slug lines, specifically for the UNDERWORLD. There’s no day or night, it just IS, so I put in DAY
TEASER (COLD OPEN)
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Intriguing world, Imminent threat
Desert chase – TISIPHONE, on her evil black motorcycle chases races after FALLOWS, a huge biker guy. He misses a curve and crashes into the cacti. TISIPHONE displays black wings, then dispatches FALLOWS
ACT 1:
EXT/INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat, Deception
Tense standoff. SIMMONS, a geeky older store manager has a TODDLER in his lap, holding a knife to its throat. DAN LANAHAN is a cop, a Lt. He is trying to defuse the situation. With him is JONES, his partner. In the midst of this is MEGAERA, furious anger directed at SIMMONS.
INT. CAR PARKING LOT – Day: MAIN INTRIGUE: Secret
FLASHBACK – Megaera appears to Simmons, tries to control him – he escapes into the store with a knife.
INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat, Mystery
Dan takes advantage of Simmon’s being focused on Megaera, he creeps up and shoots the man, and grabs the baby. Dan tells Megaera to stay nearby, she was interfering with a hostage situation, and he needs to get her statement. She replies by starting to tell him to “F— off” as she dissolves away. In the aftermath, Dan asks Jones about the blonde woman. No one else saw her.
EXT. GARDEN – Day: MAIN INTRIGUE: Hidden layer
GAIA is tending to her garden. Sticking plain sticks into the ground, the sticks erupt with leaves and begin growing. Tisiphone appears, she says that DELINFA sends a message. Cryptic warning about Hades.
Megaera appears, they discuss Megaera’s concern about the mortal seeing her, and losing control of the situation. Tisiphone says it’s concerning, Megaera might be slipping up, a soft spot for mortals. Megaera asks about Alecto.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery, Intriguing World
ALECTO parks her maroon motorcycle. She walks up to two young men of Hispanic origins. Thinking she’s a cop, one young man bolts, and runs as it’s obvious Alecto is wanting him.
EXT. ALLEY – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery, Threat
Alecto appears out of air, and carefully inspects a fingernail. With a single, fast motion, she lifts a trash can lid and holds it out of the alley. The young hispanic kid SLAMS into the lid, falling. He is dragged into the alley. When he wakes up, Alecto has him frozen, he can’t move. Alecto explains why she is there, then dispatches the kid with a single blow of her sword. A young girl has appeared, as a ghost. Alecto sits the girl on her motorcycle, and they ride away into a tunnel of light.
INT. POLICE STATION- DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery
Dan discusses stand-off with the Chief. Chief reminds Dan about just desk duty after a shooting. Dan shrugs off the suggestion to talk to the department counselor.
INT. DAN’S OFFICE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery, Hidden Layer
Dan looks over the report from Jones, why no mention of the woman Dan saw? Because Jones did not see her.
ACT 2:
INT. ALECTO’S ROOM – Day: MAIN INTRIGUE: Strange Behavior
Megaera asks Alecto to look up the cop who interrupted her assignment. Using a trans-dimensional computer, Alecto quickly locates Dan in the databases.
Alecto reminds Megaera of an encounter with a mortal ages ago, she warns Megaera that relationships with mortals never end up good… at least for the mortal.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – NIGHT NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: ??
Dan, driving home, spots his niece walking on the sidewalk. He continues on.
INT. PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Intriguing world
Brianna and her two friends at the party. Brianna “live blogging” the party.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery, intriguing world
Megaera and Alecto interrupt a truck driver as he’s sneaking across the border. There’s a brief fight, then the truck driver is dispatched by Alecto’s sword. Opening the back, the truck is filled with scared children.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
Dan arrives, loaded down with files and some take-away bags.
INT. PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent threat, Deception
A handsome stranger has cornered Brianna. She seems to be attracted to the guy, even if he’s older. He gives her a cup, encourages her to have a real grown up drink, not thin beer.
INT DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
An evening in the life of Dan. Take-out Chinese for him and his cat. TV is on, news about a small earthquake, then the hostage situation at the grocery store.
INT. PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent threat, Deception
Brianna is feeling the effects of the drugged drink. She stumbles, and the stranger helps her walk outside. Her friends make jokes about how Brianna usually vomits on guys.
EXT. PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent threat, Deception
Brianna is sick on the lawn, and the stranger helps her up.
INT PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat, Deception
Her friend gets a cell phone photo of Brianna being sick.
EXT PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
The stranger leads Brianna away. She tries to fight it, but the drug is making her unable to fight or get away. No one else notices.
INT DAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Strange Behaviour
Dan is asleep. His slumper is interrupted by the sound of his cat growling and hissing. Awake, Dan rushes out into
INT HALLWAY – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Strange Behavior
The act is by the bathroom door, making a fuss. Dan goes to open the door and
INT BATHROOM – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Strange behavior
Nothing amiss in the bathroom. Dan fusses at the cat and goes to splash water on his face. As he stands up and looks at himself in the mirror, we see a figure by the bathtub. Dan turns and reacts – the figure is a specter of Brianna, mouth open in a silent scream.
ACT 3:
EXT. JOGGING TRAIL – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery
If it’s not overly cliche, a jogger is running though the area. Spots some fabric flapping in a breeze, and when she/he picks it up, eyes go wide, grabs and fumbles at a cell phone.
INT DAN’S DINING ROOM – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
Dan is bleary-eyed at the table. He is talking to his cat when the landline rings. As he walks to get it, his cell goes off. He answers the cell. It’s bad news. He rushes out.
EXT. PARK AND JOGGING TRAIL- Day: MAIN INTRIGUE: Msytery
Crime scene. Brianna was found tied to a tree. Cops swarm the area. Jones meets Dan, see if he’s okay to look at the scene. He confirms the body is his niece. Jones reminds Dan that he’s on desk duty, and since it is his niece, he shouldn’t be leading the investigation. He asks to be the one to inform his sister.
EXT. SISTER’S HOUSE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Hidden Agenda
Dan exits the house and walks to his car. A woman is leaning against it, waiting for him, the woman is a younger-looking GAIA. Dan thinks she’s a reporter, and tells her to shove off. He unlocks his car and turns to say something else, and the woman is gone.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Strange World
Junior, a tall man, ageless, is setting up a tray. He rolls the tray next to a BODY, still in the BODY BAG.
He frowns and stops to light a cigar. He talks to himself. Then he blows smoke over the body and the faint outline of Brianna is seen. She coughs, then asks if he can see her. He tells her he is actually an immortal, and he can usually see spirits, but hers is quite weak. He is concerned about the marks on her face, carved into her spirit as well as her body. He explains why she is stuck, but knows some people who might be able to help.
EXT. THE UNDERWORLD – BLACK PALACE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Conspiracy
An enormous hulk of black stone. A tall man, BUNE, dressed in a green tunic, marches to a door, but is stopped by a guard. Words exchanged as the guard did not challenge Bune.
INT. BLACK PALACE – HALLWAY – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Conspiracy
Bune tells the guard inside to send the guard outside to the pits, feed him to the dragons.
INT. BLACK THRONE ROOM- DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Conspiracy, Hidden Agenda
Bune enters the huge, black room and sees a figure on the throne. MELINOE is reclining on the throne. Bune is met by a coyote demon, who tells him the “Boss” will be returning shortly. Only one more kill, then he can return. Bune must get ready.
ACT 4:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery
Cops attending a meeting – updates on the investigation. Other cops are sympathetic. KELSEY, a fellow cop, is really worried, and suggests she drop by and help Dan if he needs it. KELSEY is obviously crushing on the Lieutenant.
Talk that this murder was similar to another in another state a week ago. Talk about it being a roaming serial killer.
Detectives leave with assignments.
INT. OFFICE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
Dan talks to Sandra, the coroner, who also acts as the department’s counselor. Dan is not interested. Hints of a past with Sandra.
EXT. UNDERWORLD – DAY(ish) (Is there night or day in the Underworld?): MAIN INTRIGUE: Conspiracy
A huge dragon streaks across the red sky. A huge army is encamped across the red landscape.
It lands, and shakes, turning into Bune. Bune goes into a tent.
INT. TENT – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Conspiracy
Bune meets with various generals. Most are in NAZI uniforms. Bune tells them to expect their leader shortly.
INT. FURIES HOUSE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Wound
Thanatos shows up with Brianna. Alecto and Tisiphone talk to the girl. Megaera passes through and stops to look at the girl. The marks still etched into her face. Gaia is examining the marks and then asks Megaera to heal the scars. Blue light, girl is healed.
INT. DAN’S HOUSE – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE:Mystery, Hidden Agenda
Dan arrives home with more take-out bags. He’s surprised to find Gaia in his house, holding his cat. Gaia tries to talk to Dan about his niece. He’s angry, and tries to be nice, but wants her out of his house. Gaia explains the Furies are her daughters. She tries to tell him she’s the mother of all goddesses, Terra Mater, but he argues with her. Gods cannot exist.
When he turns to show her the door, Gaia has disappeared. In between him saying “Bull” and the rest of the statement.
ACT 5:
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT – NIGHT : MAIN INTRIGUE: STrange Behaviour
Shadows. We don’t see the figure in the chair. Just darkness. It’s like he’s talking to someone, but we only see shadows. The voices argue. Another death is needed.
INT. TENT – UNDERWORLD – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE: Conspiracy
Continues from earlier. Bune is mapping out what to expect when the “Master” returns.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
Dan balances files with food bags. He enters…
INT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Deception
Dan sits the stuff on the table, then sweeps the table to make room. He calls out for his cat.
Instead of the cat, Megaera enters the room, ready to confront Dan. Dan pulls his weapon. Megaera is unfazed, and sweeps him aside as she goes for the food. She is hungry. One bag is for the cat. Megaera explains the cat has been fed, and she begins to scarf the beef lo mein. Dan demands to know what she is doing in his house.
Megaera asks him how he can see what he’s not supposed to see. He wants her out, but shakes his head and sits to eat.
It’s not what she’d planned. She wants to kill him, but instead is attracted.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
The killer is in a car, watching the entrance to a bar.
EXT. STREET – POV – NIGHT: MAIN INTRIGUE:Imminent Threat
He watches as Kelsey enters the bar. Gloved hands handle a vial of liquid.
The killer exits the car and shuts the door.
-
David Thompson’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s time to step outside my comfort zone a bit here. First scene of act 1 is already set up with a hell of a challenge for Dan. So it was a matter of ditching some of my set pieces and seeing what I can do to make each scene better. Then it all flowed…
Revised beat sheet/outline with shifted elements.
TEASER (COLD OPEN)
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY – DAY
Desert chase – TISIPHONE, on her evil black motorcycle chases races after FALLOWS, a huge biker guy. He misses a curve and crashes into the cacti. TISIPHONE displays black wings, then dispatches FALLOWS
ACT 1:
EXT/INT. GROCERY STORE
Tense standoff. SIMMONS, a geeky older store manager has a TODDLER in his lap, holding a knife to its throat. DAN LANAHAN is a cop, a Lt. He is trying to defuse the situation. With him is JONES, his partner. In the midst of this is MEGAERA, furious anger directed at SIMMONS.
INT. CAR PARKING LOT
FLASHBACK – Megaera appears to Simmons, tries to control him – he escapes into the store with a knife.
INT. GROCERY STORE
Dan takes advantage of Simmon’s being focused on Megaera, he creeps up and shoots the man, and grabs the baby. Dan tells Megaera to stay nearby, she was interfering with a hostage situation, and he needs to get her statement. She replies by starting to tell him to “F— off” as she dissolves away. In the aftermath, Dan asks Jones about the blonde woman. No one else saw her.
EXT. GARDEN
GAIA is tending to her garden. Sticking plain sticks into the ground, the sticks erupt with leaves and begin growing. Tisiphone appears, she says that DELINFA sends a message. Cryptic warning about Hades.
Megaera appears, they discuss Megaera’s concern about the mortal seeing her, and losing control of the situation. Tisiphone says it’s concerning, Megaera might be slipping up, a soft spot for mortals. Megaera asks about Alecto.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
ALECTO parks her maroon motorcycle. She walks up to two young men of Hispanic origins. Thinking she’s a cop, one young man bolts, and runs as it’s obvious Alecto is wanting him.
EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Alecto appears out of air, and carefully inspects a fingernail. With a single, fast motion, she lifts a trash can lid and holds it out of the alley. The young hispanic kid SLAMS into the lid, falling. He is dragged into the alley. When he wakes up, Alecto has him frozen, he can’t move. Alecto explains why she is there, then dispatches the kid with a single blow of her sword. A young girl has appeared, as a ghost. Alecto sits the girl on her motorcycle, and they ride away into a tunnel of light.
INT. POLICE STATION
Dan discusses stand-off with the Chief. Chief reminds Dan about just desk duty after a shooting. Dan shrugs off the suggestion to talk to the department counselor.
INT. DAN’S OFFICE
Dan looks over the report from Jones, why no mention of the woman Dan saw? Because Jones did not see her.
ACT 2:
INT. ALECTO’S ROOM
Megaera asks Alecto to look up the cop who interrupted her assignment. Using a trans-dimensional computer, Alecto quickly locates Dan in the databases.
Alecto reminds Megaera of an encounter with a mortal ages ago, she warns Megaera that relationships with mortals never end up good… at least for the mortal.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – NIGHT
Dan, driving home, spots his niece walking on the sidewalk. He continues on.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna and her two friends at the party. Brianna “live blogging” the party.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Megaera and Alecto interrupt a truck driver as he’s sneaking across the border. There’s a brief fight, then the truck driver is dispatched by Alecto’s sword. Opening the back, the truck is filled with scared children.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dan arrives, loaded down with files and some take-away bags.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
A handsome stranger has cornered Brianna. She seems to be attracted to the guy, even if he’s older. He gives her a cup, encourages her to have a real grown up drink, not thin beer.
INT DAN’S HOUSE
An evening in the life of Dan. Take-out Chinese for him and his cat. TV is on, news about a small earthquake, then the hostage situation at the grocery store.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna is feeling the effects of the drugged drink. She stumbles, and the stranger helps her walk outside. Her friends make jokes about how Brianna usually vomits on guys.
EXT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna is sick on the lawn, and the stranger helps her up.
INT PARTY HOUSE
Her friend gets a cell phone photo of Brianna being sick.
EXT PARTY HOUSE
The stranger leads Brianna away. She tries to fight it, but the drug is making her unable to fight or get away. No one else notices.
INT DAN’S BEDROOM
Dan is asleep. His slumper is interrupted by the sound of his cat growling and hissing. Awake, Dan rushes out into
INT HALLWAY
The act is by the bathroom door, making a fuss. Dan goes to open the door and
INT BATHROOM
Nothing amiss in the bathroom. Dan fusses at the cat and goes to splash water on his face. As he stands up and looks at himself in the mirror, we see a figure by the bathtub. Dan turns and reacts – the figure is a specter of Brianna, mouth open in a silent scream.
ACT 3:
EXT. JOGGING TRAIL
If it’s not overly cliche, a jogger is running though the area. Spots some fabric flapping in a breeze, and when she/he picks it up, eyes go wide, grabs and fumbles at a cell phone.
INT DAN’S DINING ROOM
Dan is bleary-eyed at the table. He is talking to his cat when the landline rings. As he walks to get it, his cell goes off. He answers the cell. It’s bad news. He rushes out.
EXT. PARK AND JOGGING TRAIL
Crime scene. Brianna was found tied to a tree. Cops swarm the area. Jones meets Dan, see if he’s okay to look at the scene. He confirms the body is his niece. Jones reminds Dan that he’s on desk duty, and since it is his niece, he shouldn’t be leading the investigation. He asks to be the one to inform his sister.
EXT. SISTER’S HOUSE
Dan exits the house and walks to his car. A woman is leaning against it, waiting for him, the woman is a younger-looking GAIA. Dan thinks she’s a reporter, and tells her to shove off. He unlocks his car and turns to say something else, and the woman is gone.
INT. FUNERAL HOME
Junior, a tall man, ageless, is setting up a tray. He rolls the tray next to a BODY, still in the BODY BAG.
He frowns and stops to light a cigar. He talks to himself. Then he blows smoke over the body and the faint outline of Brianna is seen. She coughs, then asks if he can see her. He tells her he is actually an immortal, and he can usually see spirits, but hers is quite weak. He is concerned about the marks on her face, carved into her spirit as well as her body. He explains why she is stuck, but knows some people who might be able to help.
EXT. THE UNDERWORLD – BLACK PALACE
An enormous hulk of black stone. A tall man, BUNE, dressed in a green tunic, marches to a door, but is stopped by a guard. Words exchanged as the guard did not challenge Bune.
INT. BLACK PALACE – HALLWAY
Bune tells the guard inside to send the guard outside to the pits, feed him to the dragons.
INT. BLACK THRONE ROOM
Bune enters the huge, black room and sees a figure on the throne. MELINOE is reclining on the throne. Bune is met by a coyote demon, who tells him the “Boss” will be returning shortly. Only one more kill, then he can return. Bune must get ready.
ACT 4:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Cops attending a meeting – updates on the investigation. Other cops are sympathetic. KELSEY, a fellow cop, is really worried, and suggests she drop by and help Dan if he needs it. KELSEY is obviously crushing on the Lieutenant.
Talk that this murder was similar to another in another state a week ago. Talk about it being a roaming serial killer.
Detectives leave with assignments.
INT. OFFICE
Dan talks to Sandra, the coroner, who also acts as the department’s counselor. Dan is not interested. Hints of a past with Sandra.
EXT. UNDERWORLD
A huge dragon streaks across the red sky. A huge army is encamped across the red landscape.
It lands, and shakes, turning into Bune. Bune goes into a tent.
INT. TENT
Bune meets with various generals. Most are in NAZI uniforms. Bune tells them to expect their leader shortly.
INT. FURIES HOUSE
Thanatos shows up with Brianna. Alecto and Tisiphone talk to the girl. Megaera passes through and stops to look at the girl. The marks still etched into her face. Gaia is examining the marks and then asks Megaera to heal the scars. Blue light, girl is healed.
INT. DAN’S HOUSE
Dan arrives home with more take-out bags. He’s surprised to find Gaia in his house, holding his cat. Gaia tries to talk to Dan about his niece. He’s angry, and tries to be nice, but wants her out of his house. Gaia explains the Furies are her daughters. She tries to tell him she’s the mother of all goddesses, Terra Mater, but he argues with her. Gods cannot exist.
When he turns to show her the door, Gaia has disappeared. In between him saying “Bull” and the rest of the statement.
ACT 5:
INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Shadows. We don’t see the figure in the chair. Just darkness. It’s like he’s talking to someone, but we only see shadows. The voices argue. Another death is needed.
INT. TENT – UNDERWORLD
Continues from earlier. Bune is mapping out what to expect when the “Master” returns.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dan balances files with food bags. He enters…
INT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dan sits the stuff on the table, then sweeps the table to make room. He calls out for his cat.
Instead of the cat, Megaera enters the room, ready to confront Dan. Dan pulls his weapon. Megaera is unfazed, and sweeps him aside as she goes for the food. She is hungry. One bag is for the cat. Megaera explains the cat has been fed, and she begins to scarf the beef lo mein. Dan demands to know what she is doing in his house.
Megaera asks him how he can see what he’s not supposed to see. He wants her out, but shakes his head and sits to eat.
It’s not what she’d planned. She wants to kill him, but instead is attracted.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
The killer is in a car, watching the entrance to a bar.
EXT. STREET – POV
He watches as Kelsey enters the bar. Gloved hands handle a vial of liquid.
The killer exits the car and shuts the door.
-
David Thompson’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is
Angels of Vengeance
Concept: Mythological beings exist in our modern world.
Inciting Incident: Murder of a cop’s niece puts him into this strange world while he tries to find the killer.
A: Investigation into the murders
B: Furies and their missions
C: Dan and Megaera
TEASER (COLD OPEN)
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY
Desert chase – TISIPHONE, on her evil black motorcycle chases races after FALLOWS, a huge biker guy. He misses a curve and crashes into the cacti. TISIPHONE displays black wings, then dispatches FALLOWS
ACT 1:
EXT/INT. GROCERY STORE
Tense standoff. SIMMONS, a geeky older store manager has a TODDLER in his lap, holding a knife to its throat. DAN LANAHAN is a cop, a Lt. He is trying to defuse the situation. With him is JONES, his partner. In the midst of this is MEGAERA, furious anger directed at SIMMONS.
INT. CAR PARKING LOT
FLASHBACK – Megaera appears to Simmons, tries to control him – he escapes into the store with a knife.
INT. GROCERY STORE
Dan takes advantage of Simmon’s being focused on Megaera, he creeps up and shoots the man, and grabs the baby. Dan tells Megaera to stay nearby, she was interfering with a hostage situation, and he needs to get her statement. She replies by starting to tell him to “F— off” as she dissolves away. In the aftermath, Dan asks Jones about the blonde woman. No one else saw her.
EXT. GARDEN
GAIA is tending to her garden. Sticking plain sticks into the ground, the sticks erupt with leaves and begin growing. Tisiphone appears, she says that DELINFA sends a message. Cryptic warning about Hades.
Megaera appears, they discuss Megaera’s concern about the mortal seeing her, and losing control of the situation. Tisiphone says it’s concerning, Megaera might be slipping up, a soft spot for mortals. Megaera asks about Alecto.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
ALECTO parks her maroon motorcycle. She walks up to two young men of Hispanic origins. Thinking she’s a cop, one young man bolts, and runs as it’s obvious Alecto is wanting him.
EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Alecto appears out of air, and carefully inspects a fingernail. With a single, fast motion, she lifts a trash can lid and holds it out of the alley. The young hispanic kid SLAMS into the lid, falling. He is dragged into the alley. When he wakes up, Alecto has him frozen, he can’t move. Alecto explains why she is there, then dispatches the kid with a single blow of her sword. A young girl has appeared, as a ghost. Alecto sits the girl on her motorcycle, and they ride away into a tunnel of light.
INT. POLICE STATION
Dan discusses stand-off with the Chief. Chief reminds Dan about just desk duty after a shooting. Dan shrugs off the suggestion to talk to the department counselor.
INT. DAN’S OFFICE
Dan looks over the report from Jones, why no mention of the woman Dan saw? Because Jones did not see her.
ACT 2:
INT. ALECTO’S ROOM
Megaera asks Alecto to look up the cop who interrupted her assignment. Using a trans-dimensional computer, Alecto quickly locates Dan in the databases.
Alecto reminds Megaera of an encounter with a mortal ages ago, she warns Megaera that relationships with mortals never end up good… at least for the mortal.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – NIGHT
Dan, driving home, spots his niece walking on the sidewalk. He continues on.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna and her two friends at the party. Brianna “live blogging” the party.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Megaera and Alecto interrupt a truck driver as he’s sneaking across the border. There’s a brief fight, then the truck driver is dispatched by Alecto’s sword. Opening the back, the truck is filled with scared children.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dan arrives, loaded down with files and some take-away bags.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
A handsome stranger has cornered Brianna. She seems to be attracted to the guy, even if he’s older. He gives her a cup, encourages her to have a real grown up drink, not thin beer.
INT DAN’S HOUSE
An evening in the life of Dan. Take-out Chinese for him and his cat. TV is on, news about a small earthquake, then the hostage situation at the grocery store.
INT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna is feeling the effects of the drugged drink. She stumbles, and the stranger helps her walk outside. Her friends make jokes about how Brianna usually vomits on guys.
EXT. PARTY HOUSE
Brianna is sick on the lawn, and the stranger helps her up.
INT PARTY HOUSE
Her friend gets a cell phone photo of Brianna being sick.
EXT PARTY HOUSE
The stranger leads Brianna away. She tries to fight it, but the drug is making her unable to fight or get away. No one else notices.
INT DAN’S BEDROOM
Dan is asleep. His slumper is interrupted by the sound of his cat growling and hissing. Awake, Dan rushes out into
INT HALLWAY
The act is by the bathroom door, making a fuss. Dan goes to open the door and
INT BATHROOM
Nothing amiss in the bathroom. Dan fusses at the cat and goes to splash water on his face. As he stands up and looks at himself in the mirror, we see a figure by the bathtub. Dan turns and reacts – the figure is a specter of Brianna, mouth open in a silent scream.
ACT 3:
EXT. JOGGING TRAIL
If it’s not overly cliche, a jogger is running though the area. Spots some fabric flapping in a breeze, and when she/he picks it up, eyes go wide, grabs and fumbles at a cell phone.
INT DAN’S DINING ROOM
Dan is bleary-eyed at the table. He is talking to his cat when the landline rings. As he walks to get it, his cell goes off. He answers the cell. It’s bad news. He rushes out.
EXT. PARK AND JOGGING TRAIL
Crime scene. Brianna was found tied to a tree. Cops swarm the area. Jones meets Dan, see if he’s okay to look at the scene. He confirms the body is his niece. Jones reminds Dan that he’s on desk duty, and since it is his niece, he shouldn’t be leading the investigation. He asks to be the one to inform his sister.
EXT. SISTER’S HOUSE
Dan exits the house and walks to his car. A woman is leaning against it, waiting for him, the woman is a younger-looking GAIA. Dan thinks she’s a reporter, and tells her to shove off. He unlocks his car and turns to say something else, and the woman is gone.
INT. FUNERAL HOME
Junior, a tall man, ageless, is setting up a tray. He rolls the tray next to a BODY, still in the BODY BAG.
He frowns and stops to light a cigar. He talks to himself. Then he blows smoke over the body and the faint outline of Brianna is seen. She coughs, then asks if he can see her. He tells her he is actually an immortal, and he can usually see spirits, but hers is quite weak. He is concerned about the marks on her face, carved into her spirit as well as her body. He explains why she is stuck, but knows some people who might be able to help.
EXT. THE UNDERWORLD – BLACK PALACE
An enormous hulk of black stone. A tall man, BUNE, dressed in a green tunic, marches to a door, but is stopped by a guard. Words exchanged as the guard did not challenge Bune.
INT. BLACK PALACE – HALLWAY
Bune tells the guard inside to send the guard outside to the pits, feed him to the dragons.
INT. BLACK THRONE ROOM
Bune enters the huge, black room and sees a figure on the throne. MELINOE is reclining on the throne. Bune is met by a coyote demon, who tells him the “Boss” will be returning shortly. Only one more kill, then he can return. Bune must get ready.
ACT 4:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Cops attending a meeting – updates on the investigation. Other cops are sympathetic. KELSEY, a fellow cop, is really worried, and suggests she drop by and help Dan if he needs it. KELSEY is obviously crushing on the Lieutenant.
Talk that this murder was similar to another in another state a week ago. Talk about it being a roaming serial killer.
Detectives leave with assignments.
INT. OFFICE
Dan talks to Sandra, the coroner, who also acts as the department’s counselor. Dan is not interested. Hints of a past with Sandra.
EXT. UNDERWORLD
A huge dragon streaks across the red sky. A huge army is encamped across the red landscape.
It lands, and shakes, turning into Bune. Bune goes into a tent.
INT. TENT
Bune meets with various generals. Most are in NAZI uniforms. Bune tells them to expect their leader shortly.
INT. FURIES HOUSE
Thanatos shows up with Brianna. Alecto and Tisiphone talk to the girl. Megaera passes through and stops to look at the girl. The marks still etched into her face. Gaia is examining the marks and then asks Megaera to heal the scars. Blue light, girl is healed.
INT. DAN’S HOUSE
Dan arrives home with more take-out bags. He’s surprised to find Gaia in his house, holding his cat. Gaia tries to talk to Dan about his niece. He’s angry, and tries to be nice, but wants her out of his house. Gaia explains the Furies are her daughters.
When he turns to show her the door, Gaia has disappeared. In between him saying “Bull” and the rest of the statement.
ACT 5:
INT. MOTEL ROOM
Shadows. We don’t see the figure in the chair. Just darkness. It’s like he’s talking to someone, but we only see shadows. The voices argue. Another death is needed.
INT. TENT – UNDERWORLD
Continues from earlier. Bune is mapping out what to expect when the “Master” returns.
EXT. DAN’S HOUSE
Dan balances files with food bags. He enters…
INT. DAN’S HOUSE
Dan sits the stuff on the table, then sweeps the table to make room. He calls out for his cat.
Instead of the cat, Megaera enters the room, ready to confront Dan. Dan pulls his weapon. Megaera is unfazed, and sweeps him aside as she goes for the food. She is hungry. One bag is for the cat. Megaera explains the cat has been fed, and she begins to scarf the beef lo mein. Dan demands to know what she is doing in his house.
Megaera asks him how he can see what he’s not supposed to see. He wants her out, but shakes his head and sits to eat.
It’s not what she’d planned. She wants to kill him, but instead is attracted.
EXT. STREET
The killer is in a car, watching the entrance to a bar. He watches as Kelsey enters the bar. Gloved hands handle a vial of liquid.
The killer exits the car and shuts the door.
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David Thompson’s Setting Up The Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that although I have plenty of open loops, mysteries, and reveals, it’s just a matter of selecting which to include in the pilot, and which to reveal later in the season.
Possible setups follow:
- Who killed Brianna?
- Will the Furies help Brianna?
- Where’s the god, Hades? Why is Bune in charge of that area of the Underworld?
- Dan is about to enter the mythological world of the Furies. As such, Dan will encounter a most dangerous demon, the demon possessing the serial killer.
- Dan is an evidence based critical thinker, which makes it hard for him to accept the concept that supernatural beings exist. Yet, he’s come face-to-face with one, then another, then more, yet he still remains skeptical.
- How will Dan react to Megaera?
- Why did Megaera go from wanting to kill Dan to wanting to have a relationship with him?
- What’s at work under the surface between Dan and Megaera?
- It’s somewhat out of character for Megaera to fall in love with a mortal. Why is this happening?
- Is it even safe for Dan to have a relationship with a Fury? No, but he sincerely doubts she’s immortal until later in the first season, when he’s taken to meet the other gods.
- Hidden initially, Dan’s past relationships feed into his reactions concerning Megaera.
- Hidden is the ex-relationship Dan had with the Medical Examiner, Joyce McKenna.
- The Medical Examiner is also the police counselor, so after the grocery store shooting, Dan is forced into sessions with his ex.
- What is it about Dan, being a skeptic, yet able to see the gods when most people can’t.
- The serial killer is tracked through the first season, which ends with his capture and death at the hands of Tisiphone. But this releases the monster demon, Sorath. In the pilot, it’s hinted that he’s under this demon’s control.
- Gallows humor to match the original source material, my novels. The Furies treat each assignment the same way a truck driver treats a delivery. Just another day on the job, really.
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David Thompson’s Adding Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is my original material did contain a lot of distress for the characters, so it was a matter of making sure I am highlighting it enough, making it stand out. Complications arise, goals move,
My current full outline
Furies Angels of Vengeance Pilot Outline
Teaser:
Two motorcycles race through the desert. A man on a red custom motorcycle, a woman on a matte black custom motorcycle.
The lead motorcycle misses a turn, and wrecks. (Distress)
The woman stops, and as she watches, the man tries to crawl away, frightened out of his mind. (Raising the terror for the guy)
His horror turns to panic as the woman displays a set of black wings, and approaches him.
She makes some remarks regarding his inability to try the speed run again, what with a broken leg, she says that is how his brother died. And that’s why she’s here. Eye for an eye. She then bends down and grasps the man’s head. In a flash, she snaps his head around, breaking his neck.
She stands, remarks that this wasn’t what actually killed his brother. It was snake-bite.
From nowhere, she produces a very angry rattlesnake, and drops it on the man.
Teaser ends with the snake striking the man, and his screams echo.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduces Dan, during a standoff in a grocery store. Introduce Megaera and Jones. Introduce Alecto if enough room left in Act 1(2-page scene)
Turning Point: Just who is that gorgeous woman that Dan saw?
A grocery store in chaos. Inside, a woman is crying, being attended to by EMS. In the back, a man is holding a huge knife to a child’s throat. DAN and his partner JONES are on scene.
The man is obviously scared out of his mind, and his POV now shows a gorgeous and very angry blonde threatening him.
FLASHBACK – That man is in his car eating when MEGAERA appears. She threatens him, saying it’s because he’d killed his own father to collect on insurance. She wants him to suicide, by cutting his own throat. She’s in total control, and a knife appears in the man’s hand. An auto alarm distracts her, the man bolts into the store.
Dan thinks this is the child’s mother. Jones is confused – he sees no woman. As Dan starts to confront the woman, he turns to look at his partner, and the woman vanishes.
An older woman is gardening, GAIA, as Megaera from the grocery store appears out of nowhere. She’s angry about the cop interfering with her target. She asks about her sister, ALECTO
Alecto on a mission to the seedy side of a city, a gang banger who’d killed his cousin. Alecto drags him into an alley, and then uses a katana to dispatch the guy.
Act 2:
Essence: Megaera furious over issue at store. Dan spots his niece on a sidewalk going to a party. We follow Brianna, then cut back and forth between her at the party and Dan at home. Highlighting Dan’s loner existence.
Open with Megaera speaking with her sister Alecto, about Dan. Looking for him. Alecto reminds Megaera they have a take-down pending, and need to get to that first. Layer revealed, these are the Furies
Dan is on his way home, spots his niece on her way to a party with friends. Dialogue to establish who Brianna is.
Dan goes home to what is a lonely existence, just him and his orange tomcat, Dude.
Brianna at the party, a handsome stranger is crashing the party.
Alecto and Megaera take down a human smuggler traveling across the US border (a desert area). (depends on timing, or just start this sequence and finish in act3).
Dan at home.
Brianna takes a drink from the stranger, then “feels funny”. The stranger then has to help her stand and walk through the party. Brianna’s friends watch as “she’s going to puke on the guy, again”
Dan is at home, watching news coverage of the grocery store. Talks to his cat about that mysterious woman. “Cats are supposed to see ghosts, right? Except they can’t exist.”
Brianna is staggering, held by that stranger, heading away from the party. She collapses on the lawn, vomiting. Her friends grab a cell phone photo, and make jokes about how she always vomits on her dates. Brianna tries to fight off being taken, but unable to do much except vomit.
Dan awakened by his cat screaming in the hallway. After checking the bathroom, Dan spots Brianna’s specter in the mirror, a horrific visual.
Major Loss: Brianna is dead.
Layer: Dan is special in that he sees spirits.
Act 3:
Essence: Finding Brianna – Dan has to comfort his sister’s family. Alecto and megaera on mission (human trafficker) Brianna meets Thanatos, disguised as “Junior”, a mortician
Conspiracy: Furies exist in our world. As well as other gods of mythology.
Layer: How do the Furies operate in our world? Reveal they are goddesses.
Turning Point: Brianna’s spirit locked in our world, but why?
Act 4:
Essence: Bune introduced, plot line for series revealed. Brianna meets the Furies and Gaia. Dan meets Gaia. Ground rules established
Investigative scene, Dan with other cops. Highlighting he can’t lead because it’s a family member. Notice of how the murder was similar to another murder a few weeks ago in a distant city.
INTRODUCE the Underworld.
Duke Bune, a demon/dragon, meets with a young woman, then a messenger arrives to tell the Duke the “Boss man” will be joining them shortly, his “topside” mission about completed.
Brianna meeting the Furies. Furies can’t help her unless she was killed by a family member. Gaia glances at the odd scars on her face. It’s as if she makes up her mind, but stays silent.
Gaia appears in Dan’s house. He freaks out and demands to know how she just appeared. She tries to tell him, but he brushes her off. As he turns to show her the door, she has vanished.
Layer: Dan is refusing to believe what he sees.
Reveal: Gaia is a goddess.
Layer: Megaera is a healer.
Reveal: Furies’ ground rules.
Act 5:
Killer in a hotel room. Only shadows. We can’t see him very well. But there’s a second shadow – more like smoke. A deep, threatening voice tells him he must kill another. Quickly.
Underworld: Bune is discussing strategy with the ghostly figure of what appears to be a Nazi General. Let’s make this Rommel.
Before Dan can do much else, Megaera appears out of thin air. Dan now is really upset at “all these people in his house”.
As Megaera’s anger flares up, she stops and just looks at Dan. Dan is ready to defend himself, as Megaera gets closer. Instead of killing him, she suddenly kisses him.
The murderer, still on the loose. He is draping a small hotel room with plastic, and laying out a knife. Like he’s preparing for another murder.
POV: Serial killer going to hit again. Follows a young woman to a bar, and he slips a small vial of drugs into a coat pocket, and follows her into the bar.
Layer: Serial Killer kept secret, we just see a shadow. What is controlling the killer?
Reveal: Plot to start civil war in Underworld.
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David Thompson’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is how to establish events, introducing loops and mysteries, in such a way as to draw an audience in. This is what I’ve done thus far – more will occur as I work deeper into the outline.
(OL – Open Loop)
(M- Mystery)
Teaser
M – Who are these women?
Act 1
M – Who did Dan see?
OL – Why is Megaera try to kill that guy?
OL – Gaia knows more than she lets on – so what does she know?
M – Alecto and why she kills.
Act 2
M – Who kidnapped Brianna?
M – How is Dan able to see specters and mythological people?
OL – Who is this killer?
OL – Why is Megaera so over-the-top angry?
Act 3
M – Gaia is concerned about the marks on Brianna’s corpse. What does she know?
OL – Brianna now an earthbound spirit, but why?
OL – Brianna’s ghost carries those odd markings. What do they mean?
OL – How do the Furies help such murder victims?
Act 4
M – Duke Bune, what is he planning? Civil War?
OL – Why is Hades missing?
OL – What demon possesses the serial killer?
OL – Who will the demon possessed man kill next?
Act 5
M – Civil War in the Underworld, why?
OL – Megaera decides to not kill Dan, but make him her lover?
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David Thompson’s Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is techniques to improve on the original novel series. It helps to brainstorm ideas. Intrigue is crucial to grabbing a reader’s attention and dragging them into this strange world of the Furies.
Teaser:
Mystery: Who is that woman, what kind of horror is it?
Intrigue: What did this guy do to deserve this treatment?
Teaser Turning Point: Just who is that woman with the black wings?
Act 1:
Mystery: Woman that Dan sees.
Intrigue: Strange behavior: What caused the guy in the store to grab a child and hold it hostage?
Intrigue: Danger to the child being held hostage
Intrigue: Secret Identity – who was that woman?
Intrigue: Dangerous person: Alecto on her mission. A breadcrumb dropped as we see her take out a gang banger, and she tells the guy WHY she’s there.
Intriguing world: Mythological world of the Furies. Beautiful women who are vigilantes. DECEPTION, they can remain invisible to most people.
Intrigue: Mystery reveal – Megaera and Gaia. Hints about who they really are.
Act 1 Turning Point: The sword drops on the kid’s neck. Alecto rides off with the ghost of a child on her motorcycle.
Act 2:
Intrigue: Hidden Agenda: Megaera’s plans to deal with Dan
Intrigue: Secret: Why Dan saw Megaera
Intriguing World: Alecto and Megaera on mission.
Intrigue: Hidden Agenda: Mystery man at party.
Intrigue: Mystery: The man that drugs Brianna – what are his plans?
Act 2 Turning Point/Midpoint: Brianna drugged and kidnapped by serial killer.
Act 3:
Intrigue: Mystery – why was Brianna killed and by who?
Intrigue: Wound – this was Dan’s niece.
Intrigue: Deception – mortician actually Grecian God Thanatos.
Intriguing World: The Furies living in a small town.
Intrigue: Wound: Brianna’s spirit locked in our world, but why?
Act 3 Turning Point: Brianna must find killer’s first victim, see if it was a family member
Act 4:
Intrigue: Strange world: The Underworld. Demons, dragons.
Intrigue: Conspiracy: Bune and his plans to overthrow the entire Underworld.
Intrigue: Secret: Unknown demonic possession of serial killer
Intrigue: Intriguing world: We go deeper into the world of the Furies.
Intrigue: Secret Identity: Gaia actually “Mother Nature”
Intrigue: Wound: Dan grieving, refuses to believe Gaia.
Turning Point: Furies can’t help her unless she was killed by a family member
Act 5:
Intrigue: Secret Identity: Shadowy demon in hotel room, controlling killer – we still do not see the killer.
Intrigue Hidden Agenda: Megaera’s plans for Dan
Lock In: Megaera wants Dan as a lover.
Turning Point: Serial killer going to hit again. Following a young woman to a bar.
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David Thompson’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is to go into my original material, and ponder each major event I hope to put into the pilot, and where I can move set-ups for later reveals. I also see where I’m still locked into the events of the first part of the book, but I am reminding myself this is an adaptation, not a step-by-step of the novel.
Current Pilot outline, layers and reveals added. I have fleshed out some of the acts already.
Teaser:
Two motorcycles race through the desert. A man on a red custom motorcycle, a woman on a matte black custom motorcycle.
The lead motorcycle misses a turn, and wrecks.
The woman stops, and as she watches, the man tries to crawl away, frightened out of his mind.
His horror turns to panic as the woman displays a set of black wings, and approaches him.
She makes some odd remarks, then bends down. She grasps the man’s head, and snaps his neck.
She stands, remarks that this was actually what killed his brother. It was snake-bite.
From nowhere, she produces a very angry rattlesnake, and drops it on the man.
Teaser ends with the snake striking the man, and his screams echo.
Setup – who is she?
Layer established – these women are different.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduces Dan, during a standoff in a grocery store. Introduce Megaera and Jones. Introduce Alecto if enough room left in Act 1(2-page scene)
Turning Point: Just who is that gorgeous woman that Dan saw?
A grocery store in chaos. Going inside, a man is holding a child, with a huge knife to the child’s throat. DAN and his partner JONES are on scene.
The man is obviously scared out of his mind, and his POIV now shows a gorgeous and very angry blonde threatening him.
FLASHBACK – Man with the knife is in his car, as that woman appears in his backseat. She threatens him, saying it’s because he’d killed his own father to collect on insurance. She wants him to suicide, by cutting his own throat. She’s in total control, and a knife appears in the man’s hand. An auto alarm distracts her, the man bolts into the store.
Dan thinks this is the child’s mother. Jones is confused – he sees no woman. As Dan starts to confront the woman, he turns to look at his partner, and the woman vanishes.
An older woman is gardening, GAIA, as the woman from the grocery store appears out of nowhere. Woman is MEGAERA, and she’s angry about the cop interfering with her target. She asks about her sister, ALECTO
Alecto on a mission to the seedy side of a city, a gang banger who’d killed his cousin. Alecto drags him into an alley, and then uses a katana to dispatch the guy.
.
Set-ups – who are the Furies?
Act 2:
Essence: Megaera furious over issue at store. Dan spots his niece on a sidewalk going to a party. We follow Brianna, then cut back and forth between her at the party and Dan at home. Highlighting Dan’s loner existence.
Open with Megaera speaking with her sister Alecto, about Dan. Looking for him. Alecto reminds Megaera they have a take-down pending, and need to get to that first. Layer revealed, these are the Furies
Dan is on his way home, spots his niece on her way to a party with friends. Dialogue to estab who Brianna is. Dan goes home.
Brianna at the party, a handsome stranger is crashing the party.
Alecto and Megaera take down a human smuggler traveling across the US border (a desert area). (depends on timing, or just start this sequence and finish in act3.
Dan at home.
Brianna takes a drug from the stranger, then “feels funny”
Dan is at home, watching news coverage of the grocery store. Talks to his cat about mysterious woman.
Brianna staggering, held by that stranger, heading away from the party. She collapses on the lawn, vomiting. Her friends make jokes about how she always vomits on her dates. Brianna tries to fight off being taken, but unable to.
Dan awakened by his cat screaming in the hallway. After checking the bathroom, Dan spots Brianna’s specter in the mirror, a horrific visual.
Layer: Serial Killer. The stranger.
Reveal: Brianna is dead.
Layer: Dan is special in that he sees spirits.
Act 3:
Essence: Finding Brianna – Dan has to comfort his sister’s family. Alecto and megaera on mission (human trafficker) Brianna meets Thanatos, disguised as “Junior”, a mortician
Dan’s phone rings – it’s Jones, Bad news, Dan rushes out of his house.
Crime scene. Brianna’s body. Mutilated. Dan is upset, then made worse by being told he can’t investigate the murder. He wants to tell his sister. He makes comment about “predatory journalists”
At his sister’s house, Dan is met by Gaia at his car. He thinks she’s a reporter, so he tells her to “shove off”
Brianna’s body at a mortuary. Her ghost hovers nearby. She asks Junior (Thanatos) why she didn’t go anywhere. He tells her she’s earthbound until the murder is solved. But he knows of some who can help her. What’s worse, her soul is scarred by the weird markings on her face (and elsewhere)
Layer: How do the Furies operate in our world? Reveal they are goddesses.
Turning Point: Brianna’s spirit locked in our world, but why?
Act 4:
Essence: Bune introduced, plot line for series revealed. Brianna meets the Furies and Gaia. Dan meets Gaia. Ground rules established
Investigative scene, Dan with other cops. Highlighting he can’t lead because it’s a family member. Notice of how the murder was similar to another murder a few weeks ago in a distant city.
INTRODUCE the Underworld.
Duke Bune, a demon/dragon, meets with a young woman, then a messenger arrives to tell the Duke the “Boss man” will be joining them shortly, his “topside” mission about completed.
Brianna meeting the Furies. Furies can’t help her unless she was killed by a family member. Gaia glances at the odd scars on her face. It’s as if she makes up her mind, but stays silent.
Gaia appears in Dan’s house. He freaks out and demands to know how she just appeared. She tries to tell him, but he brushes her off. As he turns to show her the door, she has vanished.
Layer: Dan is refusing to believe what he sees.
Reveal: Gaia is a goddess.
Layer: Megaera is a healer.
Reveal: Furies’ ground rules.
Act 5:
Killer in a hotel room. Only shadows. We can’t see him very well. But there’s a second shadow – more like smoke. A deep, threatening voice tells him he must kill another. Quickly.
Underworld: Bune is discussing strategy with the ghostly figure of what appears to be a Nazi General. Let’s make this Rommel.
Before Dan can do much else, Megaera appears out of thin air. Dan now is really upset.
As Megaera’s anger flares up, she stops and just looks at Dan. Dan is ready to defend himself, as Megaera gets closer. Instead of killing him, she suddenly kisses him.
The murderer, still on the loose. He is draping a small hotel room with plastic, and laying out a knife. Like he’s preparing for another murder.
POV: Serial killer going to hit again. Follows a young woman to a bar, and he slips a small vial of drugs into a coat pocket, and follows her into the bar.
Layer: Serial Killer kept secret, we just see a shadow. What is controlling the killer?
Reveal: Plot to start civil war in Underworld.
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David Thompson’s Pilot Structure
What I learned while doing this assignment is that my pilot needs more elements. My original thoughts of ending the pilot with Brianna being drugged and taken, I now plan to shift this up to make it the midpoint, THEN adding a story plot element – the Underworld and dragons, plus giving the Furies another role, tracking down escaped demons from the Underworld.
Teaser:
- Essence: Tisiphone on her motorcycle chases a bad guy through the desert, then kills him after he wrecks.
- Turning Point: Just who is that woman with the black wings?
Act 1:
- Essence: Introduces Dan, during a standoff in a grocery store. Introduce Megaera and Jones. Introduce Alecto if enough room left in Act 1(2-page scene)
- Turning Point: Just who is that gorgeous woman that Dan saw?
Act 2:
- Essence: Megaera furious over issue at store. Dan spots his niece on a sidewalk going to a party. We follow Brianna, then cut back and forth between her at the party and Dan at home. Highlighting Dan’s loner existence.
- Turning Point/Midpoint: Brianna murdered by serial killer.
Act 3:
- Essence: Finding Brianna – Dan has to comfort his sister’s family. Alecto and megaera on mission (human trafficker) Brianna meets Thanatos, disguised as “Junior”, a mortician
- Turning Point: Brianna’s spirit locked in our world, but why?
Act 4:
- Essence: Bune introduced, plot line for series revealed. Brianna meets the Furies and Gaia. Dan meets Gaia. Ground rules established
- Turning Point: Furies can’t help her unless she was killed by a family member
Act 5:
- Essence: More Underworld material. Megaera confronts Dan, wanting to kill him.
- Lock In: Serial killer going to hit again. Following a young woman to a bar.
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David Thompson’s Character Storylines
What I learned doing this assignment is the most engaging characters are those with depth, their own lives outside of what we see onscreen. Main characters in the pilot used for this.
Dan Lanahan
- Beginning: A lonely guy, living day to day. Boring, perhaps, turning to alcohol when not on duty.
- Turning Point: Sees someone he wasn’t supposed to notice.
- Midpoint: Brutal murder of his niece
- Turning Point 2: Confronted by a goddess in his own home (? Not sure about this yet)
- Major Conflict: Finding a serial killer – adjusting to the sudden loss of family.
- Ending: Anger at not being allowed on his niece’s case and confronting Megaera
- Dilemma: Gods and goddesses don’t exist… but they do.
Megaera
- Beginning: Bad assed goddess.
- Turning Point: Discovers a mortal can see her, and is furious about this development.
- Midpoint: So very focused on the mortal, she loses track of her other “job” and accompanies Alecto on a job.
- Turning Point 2: Meeting Dan face to face, perhaps love at first sight.
- Major Conflict: Immortals are discouraged from mingling with mortals.
- Ending: Determined to find this mortal man, and deal with him.
Brianna
- Beginning: Typical college girl.
- Turning Point: At a party, is drugged by a stranger.
- Midpoint: Wakes up tied to a chair.
- Turning Point 2: Pleads for her life, we get hints this is no normal killer.
- Major Conflict: Knowing she’s dead, she now must find a way to “move on”.
- Ending: (Pilot) Appears to Thanatos, needing help.
- Dilemma: Dead and can’t move on, stuck on earth (surface) until killer is dead.
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David Thompson’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am doing a total rework of the main concept, and major plot line, thus making room for more layers, layer upon layers.
What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?
Pull our hero into the world of the Furies. It’s not enough that he just sees the one goddess, it has to bother him to the point others have doubts about his sanity MEANWHILE his niece is brutally killed in the Pilot’s cliff hanger. An atheist (essentially) who is forced to come to grips that the woman he’s fallen in love with is a goddess, with goddess powers, his niece was murdered by a demon who is possessing a mortal. A demon who wishes the goddesses killed, no matter how many mortals have to die in the process.
The main beats of that Inciting Incident:
- Intriguing Concept: The idea that gods, ALL GODS, can still walk among us, even if the world at large has moved on, relegating these currently out of favor gods into the slush pile of “mythology”
- Act 1: Introduction to the Furies and our cop hero. Grocery store standoff indicates Dan is a hero, his ability to see what is kept hidden is revealed.
- Midpoint: Brianna, Dan’s niece, is at a party and is picked up by a handsome stranger, who drugs her drink.
- Lock In: Cliff-hanger at the end of the pilot – Dan sees a horrible specter in his bathroom, as his own god-like abilities begin to surface.
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David Thompson’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is there is a lot to convey in the pilot. I watched three different pilots, and one was tough to determine the act structure, where-as the other two seemed to follow a standard structure, so I had an easier time looking for the various points I was told to look for. I found them, but in one drama it was a bit harder to figure out than in others.
I also notice I’m still locked into the concepts introduced in my source material, but this will expand as I work through all this.
SERIES INFO:
• World: Mythological beings, gods and goddesses, demons and monsters exist in our world.
• Main mystery: Who is this mysterious demon possessing this serial killer
• Impossible Goal: Can the Furies prevent a demon army from taking over the planet
• Main Conflict: Find the serial killer
• Second Mystery: Who is this serial killer – who is this demon?
• Season 1 Arc: Murder, then investigation, all while the Furies handle murderers who have gotten away with murder.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Atheist to actual Grecian-style hero, all while
PILOT INFO:
• Pilot Conflict: Dan on desk duty after a store stand-off, not wanting to be upfront with the counselor who pushes him into self examination about his lonely lifestyle.
• Characters Introduced: Dan, Megaera, Gaia, Tisiphone, Alecto, Jones, Brianna
• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Murder of Dan’s Niece (cliff-hanger)
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David Thompson’s Visually Appealing Bible
What I learned doing this particular assignment is that my work on a previous pitch deck for this project, when it was just a movie, is really paying off.
I’m a photographer and designer. I contribute to many stock sites. Using Photoshop, then Adobe’s Indesign, allows me to quickly design and layout the TV pitch bible.
So, that’s what I did. Formatting this for US letter size, spanning 12 pages, with a knock-yer-socks-off cover. Followed up by images which help tell the story of the Angels of Vengeance.
I’m still deciding if I should also format this with printing in mind, meaning a double-spread across the middle pages (assuming a saddle-stitched printing). I used to use Magcloud to print these pitch decks, so that’s definitely an option once I’m happy with what I have.
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David Thompson Edited Pitch Bible
What I learned is I tend to use too many words, probably a hold over from writing books, versus screenplays.
I hit each line in the bible, attempting to make each character and episode description as brief, yet intriguing, as I could. Then I turned my attention to the summery, which shied away from my scrutiny, but I beat it into submission, and yet – it still needs work.
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David Thompson’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is that my usual method of titling a chapter in a book might play out here, but not be as effective as the brainstorming methods taught.
This is, by far, not even finished, just a rough draft, to go along with the episodes layout rough draft. Tons of work to be done.
Season One
Episode 1: “Who is that woman?”
Episode 2: “Those Eyes”
Episode 3: “What Good Are Door Locks to Gods?”
Episode 4: “He’s One Sick Puppy”
Episode 5: “Pieces of a Puzzle”
Episode 6: “Gods are Real”
Episode 7: “Two for The Show”
Episode 8: “That First Victim was the Nicest”
Episode 9: “Even Gods Can Cry”
Episode 10: “Here’s Johnny!”
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David Thompson Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is even when you think it’s all done, there’s still room for improvement. But eventually, it’s time to stop rewriting and plunge forward.
I took a long look at my page 1 summary, then at the description of the characters, looking at the characters that I hadn’t previously used in one of these assignments. I went through the episode section as well.
I took the thing apart, reworking each paragraph.
Then I spotted a plot issue, with timing. How can the character Gaia know about the mutilations to the girl’s face and torso when the spirit of the dead girl has yet to make contact with the Furies. I have to rethink this, which goes ALL the way back to my source material, the books, and the original screenplay!
So far, it’s really improving what I have thus far….
…onward!
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David Thompson’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that every line in my pitch can be made a lot better. This was just scratching at the surface. I got a lot more work to put in with this.
The line I picked, initially, is: “Small town cop discovers the existence of the Furies, a trio of mythological goddesses who seek revenge against those who have murdered family members.”
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
After the death of a cop’s niece, he discovers the presence of the Furies, a trio of legendary goddesses who pursue vengeance against individuals responsible for killing their relatives.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Investigating the brutal murder of a college coed, what do those strange markings left on her body mean? And why do these symbols now interest some women calling themselves “The Furies”, a legendary trio of goddesses who pursue vengeance against individuals responsible for killing their relatives.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..
Not only is a serial killer striking women in a small town, but he’s also leaving strange, and brutal, markings on the victims, symbols which are messages aimed at forces beyond belief; a trio of legendary goddesses who pursue vengeance against individuals responsible for killing their relatives.
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
Not sure how this can apply to this particular sentence.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
Is Dan being misled by these so-called goddesses of vengeance? Are they actually con artists and magicians, who are just vigilantes interfering with his investigation?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Serial killer repeats his patterns, which can help get him caught. (Doesn’t actually have a thing to do with the initial sentence, but it’s all i can think of right now.
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
If Dan allows the Furies, especially Megaera, to continue to operate with impunity, will this make Dan an accomplice in the activities of these goddesses?
H. State the mystery.
The mysterious markings on the victim’s face and body mean something, perhaps they are sigils, with magical properties?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
J. Intense language.
While tracking a serial killer in a small town, a detective uncovers the presence of the Furies – a trio of ancient mythical goddesses who seek retribution for the murder of a family member.
Overall, I’ll keep working on this – it’s getting better. Perhaps this works the best:
Investigating the brutal murder of a college coed, what do those strange markings left on her body mean? And why do these symbols now interest some women calling themselves “The Furies”, a legendary trio of goddesses who pursue vengeance against individuals responsible for killing their relatives.
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David Thompson’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
Digging (Tool 1) – What’s beneath the possessed serial killer?
The serial killer is possessed by a demon who is absorbing the energy of fear that is generated by the women being killed.
Digging (Tool 1): What’s beneath Dan giving in so quickly to the idea of being in a relationship with Megaera? We can somewhat understand Dan, given the goddess is beautiful, but there’s more here. Megaera suddenly fills a hole in Dan, and she’s not shy about pursuing him. What is HER motivation? Goddesses have a habit of seducing mortal men, then disappearing. Why is Megaera sticking around?
What if…. Dan discovers that Brianna’s spirit is still around?
What if…. We keep the serial killer’s ID secret (versus in the books, where I reveal who it is straight away)?
What if… Jones, Dan’s partner, is the last person to see killed police woman alive, had drinks in a bar, but what if he spots Kyle Banks there? He’d wonder what that FBI guy was doing…. He’s suspicious, which would then foreshadow the revelation of Banks being the killer.
How would Dan react to spotting Brianna’s ghost, but this time minus the gouged out eyes.
Is Brianna actually a ghost, or something else? Something more divine and somewhere in between goddess and mortal?
Dan, in the book, researches the Furies after Gaia tells him who they are.
Explore Dan’s backstory in Dallas, his wife killing a man in a hit and run, and also killing their child (not buckled into the car seat) – this would serve to pile things onto him, explain why he reacted the way he did in the pilot, dealing with the stand-off….
Mention how Dan spends most of his alone time with his cat, Dude, an overweight orange tabby, and is later ‘adopted’ by Megaera, and she scolds Dan about feeding the cat chinese noodles, and not cat food.
Tool 5 Forecast: How can it get even worse?
Dan loses niece. Then he loses a fellow officer to this serial killer. Then, he’s denied the opportunity to arrest the serial killer because the Furies get to him first. Then the death of the serial killer releases this demon.
Use in TV Pitch Bible
Mention the dragons – and their use as an “air force” for the civil war in the Underworld.
Bune decides to use dragons to patrol Tartarus, training riders.
Emphasize the Furies’ use of motorcycles. Tisiphone chases down her targets while on a matte-black custom beast that can even glide across water. Alecto has a maroon motorcycle, and Megaera has a cream-white motorcycle.
“Motorcycle riding goddesses of revenge” is how the book’s blurb puts it. Emphasis that these are some bad-ass supernatural women.
Use in Episodes
Needs an episode where we see dragons in the underworld. Scenes in the underworld need to happen in season one, early on. Plant those seeds of rebellion.
A Fury on a petition – (Think early Dexter shows, a murder a week)
Don’t Use
The Furies specialize in revenge, need more mention of this, and the “rules” they must follow.
The bit with the cat – needs to be a regular “bit” in each episode. Like a running gag.
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David Thompson’s Show Summary
What have I learned? I’d already written a book blurb for the book, and I’ve also crafted a pitch for when it was a movie script, but it really comes alive as a TV pitch summary.
Angels of Vengeance
One hour thriller
Small town cop, Dan Lanahan, is plunged into a world made up of mythological gods and monsters when he encounters a goddess of revenge, a Fury, during a tense stand-off at a local grocery store. A crazed man has a toddler at knifepoint, and a strange, beautiful woman appears to be taunting him. But, Dan is the only one who can see her.
Megaera is that beautiful woman, actually one of a trio of sister goddesses who exact revenge on behalf of souls who were murdered and who’s killer has escaped justice. Modern goddesses, they chase down their targets on custom motorcycles, and they display huge wings when ready to strike.
And she isn’t happy at being seen by a mortal. When she goes to confront Dan, with murderous intentions, she’s suddenly curious, and decides Dan is her next mortal lover. Dan is also love struck by the goddess.
That evening, Dan’s niece disappears after a college party, only to be found murdered, with strange markings disfiguring her face. The Furies’ mother, Gaia, tries to tell Dan what those symbols mean, but he rejects her claim of being a divine being who knows who the killer might be.
That killer is a man possessed by a demon, who is using the energy of these young women to regain strength to continue his plan to destroy the Furies and take control of the Underworld from Hades.
Angels of Vengeance is the tale of these sister goddesses, Dan’s relationship with Megaera, all set against the backdrop of impending civil war in the Underworld.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by David Thompson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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David Thompson’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned with this assignment is to make Google Docs make files local, so I can work while the power is off and no internet! Also, this is really making me flesh out the series, even though I have a full plot from the books I’d written.
Angels of Vengeance
Episode One:
- Hook/Intrigue: Opens with Tisiphone on a target, huge wings, ruthless goddess.
- Main Character journey: Dan sees Megaera, an actual goddess, when he’s not supposed to see her.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Stand-off in a grocery store, death of man threatening baby.
- Action/Reaction: Determination to help the child, then confusion about seeing the goddess when no one else saw her.
- Cliffhanger: Dan is awakened by cat yowling, sees the specter of Brianna in the bathroom, dead, mutilated, open mouth with a silent scream.
Opens with the Fury Tisiphone chasing down and taking out a murderer, then a police standoff in a grocery store caused by a target who has momentarily escaped from Megaera. Dan takes out the man threatening a child, but then can’t find Megaera. Next we follow Alecto on a mission.
While driving home, Dan spots his niece and two of her friends on their way to a sorority party. Brianna teases her uncle about being old and lonely.
That evening, Dan is awakened by his cat meowing at the bathroom door like crazy. Inside, nothing. Dan is then frightened by the sight of his niece appearing in the bathroom, eyes gouged out, her face twisted in a silent scream. As Dan reacts, specter fades away.
Episode Two:
- Hook/Intrigue: Finding body of Brianna
- Main Character journey: Dan’s niece murdered, meets Gaia, disbelieves her.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Who killed Brianna and why the misfiguring of her face
- Action/Reaction: Anger at Gaia – thinking she’s the press, anger in general.
- Cliffhanger: Gaia tells Dan the mutilations on the body of Brianna are a message, from a dangerous demon, meant for her.
Opens with the discovery of Brianna’s mutilated corpse, questions about why her face is covered in symbols. When Dan walks to his car after telling his sister, Gaia attempts to talk to him about the girl’s murder. Mistaking her for a reporter, Dan gets angry and yells at her to go away.
Megaera is now obsessed with why Dan spotted her.
Later, Dan is at home, Gaia appears, and tries to tell Dan who she is and who the Furies are, as it all connects to the murder of his niece, and the killer is a man possessed by a dangerous demon.
Episode Three:
- Hook/Intrigue: What are those messages?
- Main Character journey: Dan learns that there are actual goddesses living in his town.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Dan still cannot believe what he sees while with Megaera.
- Action/Reaction: Disbelief
- Cliffhanger: Brianna in the undertaker’s care
Gaia tells Dan who the Furies are, via flashbacks. Dan cannot believe her. Brianna’s ghost encountered the god Thanatos, currently working as a mortician, and he takes her to meet the Furies. Thanatos sets up Brianna to ask the Furies to help deal with her killer. Meanwhile, we look at the shadowy killer and see that he is possessed by demonic forces.
Episode Four:
- Hook/Intrigue: Kyle Banks appears.
- Main Character journey: Dan learns there is a serial killer in this town.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: He welcomes the FBI’s help, but he’s suspicious of Agent Banks.
- Action/Reaction: Suspicion, reaches out to contact FBI in San Francisco.
- Cliffhanger: Megaera confronts Dan in his house, threatens to kill him unless he explains how he saw her.
Dan and Jones are met by an FBI agent who says he’s tracking a serial killer who’s M.O. matches the murder of Brianna. Dan is suspicious. Upon arriving home, Dan finds Megaera in his house and she’s demanding to know how he could see her. We end with Megaera closing in on Dan, ready to kill him
Episode Five:
- Hook/Intrigue: Brianna meets the Furies
- Main Character journey:
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Dan and his team get closer to the killer.
- Action/Reaction: Dan is anxious
- Cliffhanger: Agent Banks the killer?
Dan and Jones interview Brianna’s roommates, and find out they got a photo of her leaving with the possible killer. Brianna finds out the petition requests are more complex, as they can only take action against someone who’s killed a family member, so Brianna teams with Alecto to find the killer’s first victim. On Alecto’s computer, we see Kyle bank’s photo as Brianna’s killer.
Episode Six:
- Hook/Intrigue: Agent banks revealed as the serial killer.
- Main Character journey: Megaera with Dan at dinner, goes to prove her origins, by taking Dan on a trip through time and space.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Dan believes he’s been drugged, and Kyle Banks meets with a policewoman in a bar, his next victim?
- Action/Reaction: Dan, still unconvinced, thinks he’s been drugged.
- Cliffhanger: Kyle leaving the bar with the policewoman, who’s been drugged.
We now follow Kyle on his journey stalking a young policewoman, while Dan has dinner with Megaera. She decides to prove to Dan she’s really a goddess, and takes him through time to a temple in Athens, then to Mt. Olympus to meet Zeus. Dan thinks he’s been drugged. Jones is in the bar, and leaves, passing Kyle hidden in the crowd. Then Kyle begins talking to the policewoman, and is last seen leaving the bar with her, she’s obviously been drugged.
Episode Seven:
- Hook/Intrigue: Discovery of second victim, a fellow cop
- Main Character journey: Dan questions department shrink if he’s crazy
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Urgency to find Agent banks before he slips away.
- Action/Reaction: Dan is exasperated by discovering the FBI agent Kyle Banks is possibly the killer.
- Cliffhanger: Gaia meets with Hermes, learns Hades is missing, and civil war is about to break out in the Underworld.
Discovery of the murdered policewoman, Dan insists he be put in charge. The Police Chief relents, and Dan takes charge. After the meeting, Dan meets with the department psychologist, and asks if he’s crazy. On the way out of that meeting, the department’s forensic tech tells Dan the wine bottle is “crazy old”.
Gaia has a late night meeting with Hermes, messenger god, who tells her he can’t locate Hades, and it’s believed Hades is missing. A demon army under Bune is being assembled in Tartarus.
Episode Eight:
- Hook/Intrigue: Cop funeral, vows to find her killer, Kyle Banks alone in a hotel, being forced by a mysterious force to continue killing.
- Main Character journey: Dan finds that Megaera is a compelling companion, but what does she really want?
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Funeral for dead policewoman
- Action/Reaction: Sadness
- Cliffhanger: Brianna discovers Kyle Bank’s first victim was his cousin.
The funeral for the murdered policewoman, the entire force on edge. Brianna locates Kyle Banks’s first victim, his cousin – Bobbie Banks, so if they can find her ghost, the Furies can deal with the killer. Kyle Banks breaks into an abandoned business and begins to get it ready for another victim. It’s now obvious he’s under demonic control as his features twist out of control. All the while, Megaera has set her eyes on Dan, and assures Tisiphone that she’ll wipe his memories of her once she’s “done” with the mortal. Dan arrives home to find that Megaera has set out a huge dinner for him.
Episode Nine:
- Hook/Intrigue: Brianna and Alecto search for Bobbie Banks
- Main Character journey: Dan still not fully convinced of Megaera.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: The hunt for Agent Banks narrows to an old motel
- Action/Reaction: Frustration on Dan’s part.
- Cliffhanger: Cops bust into motel room, missing Banks by minutes.
As the hunt for Agent Banks continues, Alecto and Brianna also hunt for the ghost of Bobbie. She is located in a small cemetery and her energy is assisted by Megaera, at which time she formally asks the Furies to seek vengeance against her killer, Kyle Banks. A tip has the cops rushing to an old motel only to find Agent Banks has left. Agent Banks is last seen on foot, following a beautiful college coed towards a bar in a small town.
Episode Ten:
- Hook/Intrigue: Agent Banks in a bar, approached by Tisiphone, and the entire bar is under her control.
- Main Character journey: Dan is finally giving in and is “with” Megaera.
- Major Challenge/Conflict: Dan is still unconvinced.
- Action/Reaction:
- Cliffhanger: Sorath, unleashed, appears in Dan’s house, to confront Megaera.
While Dan has a date and late evening with Megaera, Tisiphone follows Kyle Banks to a small bar. As the lovely coed enters the bar, she vanishes. Kyle is confused, and goes to the bar, looking for his target. He finds Tisiphone instead. She buys him a drink and he drops like a stone to the floor, drugged.
Kyle wakes up, tied to the chair he was going to use on his next victim. Tisiphone confronts him about the murders, Kyle laughs it off, then dares her to do anything about it. Until it’s obvious Tisiphone won’t be scared off. An eye-for-an-eye, Tisiphone displays the hunting knife Kyle uses for his murders.
Just as she kills Agent Banks, the room shifts and warps, as a huge darkness lifts out of Kyle’s body.
Dan is awakened by his cat screaming in the hallway, and he spots a blackness in the hallway. As Megaera joins Dan, the blackness becomes a huge monster, a demon. Megaera displays her wings as we end the season.
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David Thompson’s Angels of Vengeance episode list Rough (really rough) Draft
What did I learn doing this assignment, even though I have these books as my source material, I have decisions to make regarding how each season plays out, what to include in the first season, versus leaving for season two, three, etc.
1. Beginning to end of season one, cliffhanger
Question “A”: Begins with the Furies taking out targets and Dan’s niece being murdered, then the serial killer is dispatched by Tisiphone.
Question “B”: The release of Sorath, building shaking, monster unleashed.
2. Mystery Set-up
Question “A”: Initial mystery – who are these goddesses?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Question “A-1”: Who is this serial killer?
- How can Dan see these goddesses when they don’t want anyone to see them?
Question “B”: Present the goddesses on missions, with violence, and wings
Question “B-1”: Initial murder, followed by another murder, with a revelation mid-way, but what is possessing him?
Question C: Clues lead cops to identity of serial killer, but also clues as to how the Furies operate
3. Journey begins – then peaks…
Question “A”: Dan being himself, can’t believe in a god, much less a trio of goddesses.
Question “B”: Even with Megaera explaining and showing what she is, Dan still thinks he’s crazy. Or that he’s been drugged.
4. Layers…. Upon layers…. Hidden between layers.
Question “A”: I’ve discovered the following layers:
- Dan is pretty predictable until he’s face-to-face with mythological beings he swears do not exist.
- Megaera is a ruthless avenging goddess, but wears pink, and bunny slippers, and has a soft spot for cute animals.
- Gaia is all knowing, except she ignores too much, and can’t keep plants alive in her garden.
Question “B”: And some more layers:
- Dan has backstory with reporters.
- Dan witnessed his mother’s murder
- Megaera falls for a mortal, is this another weakness?
5. Major storylines
Question “A”:
- Murder of Brianna pushes Dan to solve the crime, but what of the strange symbols used in the murders?
- Romance between Dan and Megaera, which will have consequences.
Question “B”:
- The demon’s plans to kill the Furies and take over Tartarus.
- Brianna’s ghost is stuck, so her journey begins learning about herself.
- History of these goddesses, how they operate.
- Episode 1: “Cleanup on Aisle Sixteen” – Open with Tisiphone killing a target, then introduce Dan during a standoff in a grocery store, followed by Alecto on a mission.
- Episode 2: “Someone is Off Their Meds” Discovery of Brianna’s mutilated body, Dan introduced to Furies
- Episode 3: Megaera confronts Dan, Brianna’s ghost meets Thanatos
- Episode 4: Kyle Banks, FBI, talks to Dan and Jones about the killer, Megaera shows up unannounced for a dinner date with Dan.
- Episode 5: Brianna’s ghost meets Furies, Gaia concerned about sigils on the girl’s soul, Brianna learns Furies can only go after murders between family members.
- Episode 6: Kyle Banks, revealed to be the killer, stalks another woman, and Megaera takes Dan on a “tour” of ancient temples.
- Episode 7: Discovery of second victim, Dan questions department shrink if he’s crazy.
- Episode 8: Cop’s funeral, Brianna and Alecto close in on killer’s first victim, his cousin, while Dan finds Megaera has practically moved in.
- Episode 9: Brianna and Alecto locate and contact the killer’s first victim, who then formally asks Furies to deal with him, all while Gaia finds out the god, Hades, has gone missing.
- Episode 10: Tisiphone grabs Kyle, takes him out, releasing Sorath, Dan sees Megaera is in full Fury-Mode with her wings out when Sorath appears in Dan’s House.
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Dave Thompson, Angels of Vengeance five seasons
What I learned here is it’s going to take a good deal of work to get this into 5 seasons – branching off the novels, and into unknown territory. There’s a cartoon of two scientists looking at a blackboard full of calculus, with step 2 being “And then a miracle occurs” and a scientist saying “You need to be more specific in step two…” That’s me with this spaghetti mess of a plot line, but this is a rough draft. And you can’t improve upon a blank document.
Possible plot lines for Angels of Vengeance, seasons one to five.
Stairsteps
Season 1 – Serial killer hits small town, killer is possessed by a dangerous demon, cop tries to get to killer before another murder, all while dealing with a trio of goddesses. Death of the serial killer releases demon. Megaera is pregnant, loses her powers, is kidnapped by Sorath and disappears.
Season 2 – Pregnant and powerless, Megaera is stuck in a cell in Tartarus. Dan dispatched to find Megaera in the Underworld, Furies attacked on the surface. All appears lost. Megaera found, Hades found, Dan and Megaera attempt to escape – Dan falls into the Lethe, loses memories. All prepare for battle, during which Brianna rides to collect the heroes to defeat Sorath. Sorath is beheaded by Megaera.
Season 3 – Megaera has a baby now, Hector. Sorath’s head appears in a tween’s magick circle, plots to get reunited with his body, all while Bune targets the baby, kidnapping him. Bune enlists demon, Lamia, to arrange this, all while she baffles the cops (Dan) over corpses left drained of their blood.
Season 4 – Recovery of Hector (Ransom of Red Chief) Megaera destroys Lamia, setting up season 5. Brianna trains to be a Fury.
Season 5 – Battle for the World. Sorath and his army attack the heroes, led by Tisiphone, but at the end, Sorath is destroyed completely.
Major plot – civil war in the Underworld, threatens to spill out to the Earth’s surface. A “false resolution” occurs then intrigue continues, which destabilizes Tartarus, allowing another big bad demon to get loose.
Season 1 – “So, you’re an atheist?”
A. Find the serial killer who killed Brianna and that other cop, Kelsey.
B: Atheist cop who becomes a true Grecian hero
C: The cop dealing with stray goddesses all while trying to find this serial killer, and doubting his own sanity.
D: Who are the Furies? God really exists, so how many are among the humans?
E: When the serial killer is cornered and dispatched by the Fury Tisiphone, it unleashes a power terror, Sorath, the most foul demon in legend, the actual 666 of Revelations.
A series of brutal murders in a small CA town sends a cop on a journey that involves meeting immortal goddesses, which simply can’t exist in our modern times, but this discovery forces the atheist cop into becoming a literal Greek Hero, in the mold of Hercules and Odysseus. Capturing the serial killer, a Fury accidentally releases the most powerful demon ever, who wishes the Furies destroyed, and wants the Underworld under his control. Pregnant and powerless, Megaera is kidnapped by the demon Sorath.
Season 2 “Catchy title here”
A: Megaera kidnapped, and now Dan must descend into the Underworld to rescue her.
B: Cop continues his journey and transformation.
C: Sorath attacking Tisiphone and Alecto after wounding Gaia. Dan “Forrest Gumps” his way to rescuing Megaera.
D: Can the Furies regroup and heal, or will Gaia die, followed by Alecto and Tisiphone.
E: Dan and Megaera escape the Underworld, but Dan is grievously wounded and falls into the waters of the Lethe, losing his memories.
After Sorath is released from the serial killer’s corpse, he descends into Tartarus to gather his army, and attack the Furies. During this short battle, Sorath is wounded by Gaia wielding a spear of iron, but not before delivering serious injuries to the Earth Mother herself. Dan and Megaera escape, but Dan is wounded by a dragon’s bite, and falls into the Lethe, losing his memories.
Season 3 “And… another catchy title..”
A: Megaera, powerless, begins to go into hiding, but then sees she helped Dan heal
B: Preparation for the Battle of Tartarus
C: A huge battle, in the second to last show of the season.
D: Sorath’s head is separated from his body.
E: Tween girls in a magic circle summon Sorath. And Sorath appears instead.
Dan is healed by Megaera, who has regained her powers. She goes on to heal everyone else, then they prepare for battle. Small war in Tartarus, Sorath is beheaded by Megaera. At the end of the season, tween girls doing a ritual to summon a demoness, accidentally get Sorath instead.
Season 4
A (1): Brianna trains to be a Fury
A (2): Set up for major battle as Sortah uses those girls to get back to his body
B: Reunited with his head, Sorath punishes the tween girl, who winds up with Brianna in the Underworld.
C: Brianna fights against pushback about being a Furie, Sorath works with necromancers to fuse his head back onto his body.
D: Sorath plots to bring a bigger army against the Furies.
E: Lamia is successful in kidnapping Megaera’s baby, but he proves to be quite a handful.
Sorath manages to get free, and enlist a vampiric monster to kidnap Megaera’s baby, as revenge. He also punishes the tween girls, sending them into the Underworld. Brianna is taken in by Hades, and trained to be an Angel of Vengeance. She discovers stranded tween girls, helps them escape. At the end of the season, Brianna is a Fury, but Lamia takes the child into hiding.
Season 5
A: Culmination of Sorath’s plans, attack the Furies on the surface.
B: Tisiphone and Brianna track down Lamia and the baby.
C: Finding the baby, preparing for major battle
D: How is Dan going to react to finding his niece still ‘alive”
E: Huge battle. ???
(All I got right now) – Season five sets up for the major battle.
After Tisiphone and Brianna locate baby Hector, and deal with Lamia, all efforts go into locating Sorath and stopping him again. Unable to gain entry into Tartarus, Hades asks Tisiphone to gather her troops, and prepare for a major battle. This will occur in a desert setting (Burning Man?). Furies emerge victorious, Sorath destroyed, Bune banished, etc.
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David Thompson’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s a good thing that this is a rough draft, because I need to work to condense the descriptions down and make them better.
Dan Lanahan – Main character, most of the show is seen through his eyes.
Dan is a seasoned cop, a Lieutenant in the police force of this small town. He’s living a lonely life, except when he’s with his sister and her family, especially Brianna, his god-daughter/niece.
He’s originally from Dallas, where he was a respected police officer, married with a baby girl. Tragedy hits when his wife, DUI, causes an accident, killing the baby girl.
Then he spots an actual for-real goddess, Megaera, during a standoff and he’s the only person who sees this tall, blonde woman. Just who is she? But, his life is turned upside down when his niece is murdered and Megaera tracks him down to confront him. How can he see her? Gods can’t exist, Dan believes. Yet, everything he’s believed all his adult life is now completely wrong.
Megaera – A Fury, goddess of vengeance, whose name literally means “Jealous rage”. She is Dan’s love interest, the poor sap. She also drives the main plot by being the target of the demon Sorath’s ire. She is an immortal, but also a vicious predator of those who’ve murdered innocent humans. Displays huge white wings when threatened or about to kill someone.
Megaera, and her sisters, Tisiphone and Alecto, were born when the blood from the castration of Uranus fell into the sea, the Furies rose out of the waters. Of course, Aphrodite was also birthed in the same event, but she got all the glory, what with small angels dragging diaphanous material all over. Originally, the Furies were the Guardians of the Gates to the Underworld.
Her drive, her reason for existence is to seek out and kill those who’ve murdered and escaped justice, she is sent into conflict with Dan on many levels. He’s a cop, she’s an immortal vigilante, and it doesn’t matter to Dan that most of her targets would never be found or convicted in court IF caught.
She initially seeks out Dan to confront him as to why he can see her, then she, uncharacteristically, falls for the guy.
Derek Jones, Dan’s friend and partner on the police force. An ex-marine, he acts as Dan’s sounding board during investigations. Derek is concerned about Dan’s drinking, and keeps a close eye on Dan after the murder of his niece. He wants to find this serial killer, and is leading the investigation until a fellow-officer is killed by the same serial killer.
Gaia – Mother Nature, THE earth goddess. She’s the organizing sensibility in the Furies’ house. In many ways, she gets to the bottom of why Dan can see the furies when no one else can, and why (later) Dan gets Megaera pregnant. To soothe herself, she tends to her garden. Except she is having trouble growing her plants, so she continues, ripping out dead plants to plant more.
She assists the exposition of the plot, by asking other gods and goddesses about Dan’s family history, and how in the world Sorath got free of the prison Hades locked him in ages ago.
Sorath – our main villain. Possibly the most powerful demon in history, was an eastern european god until the people converted to Christianity, and he was relegated to a dismal existence in the Underworld. Hades tried to make peace, but Sorath raised an army and attacked. Led by the Furies, the hero army smashed Sorath’s attempt to wrest control over the Underworld and was banished to an escape-proof cell in a prison in Tartarus.
Assisted by one of Hade’s daughters, the angst-ridden wanna-be punk Melanoe, Sorath escapes to the surface, and possesses a human, who goes on a serial killing spree to absorb the living energy of young women just as they’re murdered.
Kyle Banks – On the surface, a FBI profiler, who claims he’s been tracking this bizarre serial killer and he thinks whoever killed Brianna is also the serial killer he’s profiling. Except. Kyle IS the serial killer.
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David Thompson, Concept/World
What I learned doing this assignment is how to distill a complex series and world into some sound-bites that can hook a producer.
Angels of Vengeance
1 The Concept:
A: Dan investigating the brutal murders of his god-daughter/niece,
B: and then uncovers a trio of goddesses who seek vengeance for unsolved murders,
C: Thus making Dan face his beliefs that gods do not exist,
D: Which drops Dan into the world of ancient mythology among us mortals.
2: The World
- The world of the Furies is one where the ancient gods still live among us.
- Immortal beings, who travel without notice, even the friendly undertaker who’s actually Thanatos, death himself.
- A Fury can “cloak” herself and not be seen by outsiders… except Dan!
- A Fury can travel anywhere and ANY when in the blink of an eye.
- In the Underworld are dangerous demons and one has escaped, possessing the serial killer who murdered Dan’s god-daughter/niece.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by David Thompson.
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Dave Thompson has completed the BW Framework!
What I learned doing this process is I’m tending to grasp at the “low hanging fruit” on my series, digging deep now, reaching for unique answers and creating the characters anew, after having written the novels.
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Assignment Two
Angels of Vengeance Creating Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is that, even though I’ve written two novels on this, man, it needs some work to really become what it can become, starting with irony. So, no matter what, this will improve my entire project, book or TV show.
Character Irony possible choices (or Plot Irony)
Dan is an atheist, needs to be able to touch, feel and see anything to accept it as real. Yet, he turns into a literal Grecian hero by the end of the 2nd season, with growth through season 1, being face to face with Zeus and other gods/goddesses.
Megaera is a goddess, falls in love with a mortal man (against her own intentions) and then becomes pregnant and loses her goddess abilities.
The serial killer… is also an FBI profiler! (A.K.A. Dexter)
Gaia – literally “Mother Nature” has trouble getting plants to grow in her garden.
Sorath, who towards the end of the books, and also in the TV concept, loves to lop enemies’ heads off…. And at the end of the big battle, Megaera lops off HIS head (I seriously wrote this long before watching Game of Thrones, so it’s kinda a low hanging fruit here)
Plot irony –
Murderers who have escaped detection are killed by the Furies in the same manner that was used to murder their victim.
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Assignment One – Oh the irony.
Game of Thrones
Irony discovered:
Daenerys’ brother Viserys always wanted a golden crown. He dies by a golden crown.
Bran Stark’s love of climbing and being athletic, was expected to become a soldier, but he got disabled due to a climbing “accident”.
Eddard Stark killed numerous people by beheading them himself in the name of the king. He dies by being beheaded in the name of another king.
Also, Ned is the epitome of honor, and is quite notorious for mercy too, but it was both these things that caused his downfall and ultimate demise.
Daenerys Targaryen, an innocent and naïve girl, sold as a slave by her brother, ended up becoming the Mother of Dragons, making her powerful in the eyes of her tribe, after surviving the funeral pyre of husband, Drogo.
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Assignment Two:
Angels of Vengeance
What I learned doing this assignment is that, like a nice chocolate cake, the best TV show is one with many, many layers.
Plot Surface:
- Layer 1: Tracking a serial killer on the surface AND The Furies
- Layer 2: Serial killer is possessed by a demon and the Furies are vigilantes
- Layer 3: Dan is trying to get to the bottom of who killed his niece, all while
- Layer 4: Hades is missing, the Underworld is on the brink of war
- Layer 5: Serial killer is also a FBI profiler
- Layer 6: Megaera doesn’t care if Sorath kills all humans, just leave her alone
- Layer 7: Dan is related to a demi-god, making him a demi-god himself
- Layer 8: Hades is betrayed by his youngest daughter
- Layer 9: All being orchestrated by a major god, perhaps Zeus, or even Gaia
Dan Character Surface: Just a cop.
- Layer 1: Huge softy for animals
- Layer 2: Lonely, but covers up
- Layer 3: Battles depression and uses alcohol to numb himself
- Layer 4: Has anger against anyone harming a child.
- Layer 5: Previous marriage ended in divorce after his wife was in a wreck that killed his daughter and another man, and she was charged with DUI.
- Layer 6: Is an atheist after the death/murder of his mother, blames God.
- Layer 7: Deathly afraid of not being “good enough” of a cop
Megaera Character Surface: A goddess. Literally.
- Layer 1: Beautiful woman, confident, poised
- Layer 2: Can kill a dangerous murderer without batting an eye.
- Layer 3: Name means, literally, “Jealous Rage”
- Layer 4: Loathes humans, mostly.
- Layer 5: Loves animals
- Layer 6: Can time travel.
- Layer 7: Easily hurt emotionally, and covers this up.
- Layer 8: Has OCD when it comes to going after her targets
Lord Bune: Shape shifting demon/dragon of the Underworld
- Is a brilliant military strategist
- Prefers to be the power behind the throne
- Doesn’t feel the need to destroy the Furies
- Has a soft spot for humans
- Knows that Sorath will fail and intends to grab the throne of the Underworld for himself.
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Assignment One – Layers in my example series: Game of Thrones (season finale)
Many, many layers.
The surface plot layer is now the war of the Starks against the Lannisters, but within this plot is Arya and her keeping hid until she can get back to Winterfell, Jaime Lannister taken prisoner JUST as Joffrey has Ned Stark beheaded, so what does he have now to bargain for his Uncle’s life?
Daenerys and the plot of her taking command of the tribe, layered upon the revelation that the funeral pyre of Drogo also hatched the dragon eggs, AND showed the tribe that fire cannot touch Daenerys.
Tywin Lannister as a spoil for the Queen Regent, having been appointed by their father to look over Joffrey and keep him under control. Seems an impossible task for Tywin, as it appears Joffrey will threaten and execute anyone who stands in his way of governing.
Under all this are the White Walkers and how victims of the walkers tend to rise up as zombies after a few days… as Mormont found out when a dead Ranger arose and attacked him, with Jon Snow (and his puppy) saving him from the zombie.
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Assignment One
Show: Game of Thrones
Multiple Big Picture open loops – nested within Small Picture Open Loops.
- Starks marching against the Lannisters
- Jon Snow and his need to make something of himself, will he return south?
- The whitewalkers – seriously, zombies plus dragons.
- Arya’s need to avenge her father
- Lady Stark’s promises to Lord Walder Frey, involving her daughters and son
- Daenerys and her need to regain her family’s rule over the kingdom
- Daenerys and her marriage to Drogo
Small Picture loops
- Fate of Ned Stark (ends badly for him) which sets up multiple long term loops;
- Arya’s initial reaction to her father’s brutal execution
- Will Ned’s bastard son return and help the family defeat the Lannisters?
- Lady Stark’s and the family’s reaction to Ned’s execution
- The capture of Cersei’s brother by the Starks.
- Drogo’s wound causing him to be near death – will the witch’s magic work?
Angels of Vengeance Big Picture Open Loops (seasons 1 and 2)
What I learned in this assignment is that a binge worthy TV show should contain multiple questions/loops running all along the main plotline, and smaller loops per episode.
Goals:
- Dan hunts for the serial killer.
- Serial Killer is collecting energy for the parasitic demon controlling him.
- Serial Killer found dead, so who killed him?
- Brianna and Furies search for serial killer’s first victim
- Demon Sorath has plans to attack the Furies, opening up opportunities to then attack, hold and keep the Underground. Then, the earth itself.
- Gaia sets out to discover who Dan is, and why he was able to get Megaera pregnant.
- Underworld Demon/Dragon Lord Bune has ideas to follow Sorath, but overthrow him at the earliest opportunity and take control.
Consequences:
- Serial Killer kills two people close to Dan, and the killer remains elusive.
- Once Tisiphone kills the serial killer, she releases Sorath.
- Once released, Sorath begins attack on Furies
- Gaia seriously wounded in that attack
Solving problems:
- Serial killer’s past – uncovered when Brianna finds killer’s first victim.
- Dan’s dilemma – serial killer killed by the Furies, how does he deal with the possibility.
- Why is Brianna’s spirit not moving on?
- Greek/Roman gods exist, and Dan is an atheist, how does he deal with this conflict? How can Megaera prove to Dan she’s actually a Chthonic deity?
Relationships:
- Dan and Megaera, and she turns his life upside down.
- Megaera’s relationship with her sisters comes into conflict with her relationships with Dan
- How will Dan react to her being pregnant?
Danger/Survival/Risks
- Megaera loses her goddess powers after becoming pregnant with Dan’s child. How can that happen?
- How will this affect the Furies now that Sorath is released and is determined to rid the world of the Furies.
- Dan tends to drink, and figures the “proof” Megaera uses to prove she’s a goddess is a hallucination caused by alcohol.
- Sorath poses a real danger to the Furies, but also to the earth in general.
- Season Two, Dan must travel to the Underworld to rescue Megaera, thus placing him in real danger of being stranded in the Underworld, plus the dangers of all the weird demons.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by David Thompson. Reason: Completed assignment
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Module One, Lesson 8
Assignment One:
Show: Game of Thrones
What I learned is that Game of Thrones is multilayered, with mysteries within mysteries, which would work out very well for my show.
Mystery type 1 #1– Ned and his relationship with the King, and then being branded a traitor to the new king, the kid. Brings up the question “What is going to happen to Ned, then his family?”
Mystery type 1, #2 – Daenerys. She has an agenda, and how will it impact the characters in the 7 kingdoms.
Mystery type 1, #3 = Cersei and her ambitions, will she have Ned executed?
Big Picture Mystery #1 = White Walkers, north of the wall. What are they? Anyone killed by one returns as a zombie. Introduced in the pilot.
Big Picture Mystery #2 = Ned and his predicament
Big Picture Mystery #3 = Daenerys’ dragon eggs. Just shown occasionally, but over time they’ll hatch, and then what?
Assignment Two:
Angels of Vengeance Show Mysteries
What I learned while doing this assignment is expanding my concept, deepening the complexity of this show, mapping out the multiple mini-plots and over-arcing plotline for the show’s first season.
1. Shocking event mystery.
A. Shocking event – brutal murder of Brianna, Dan’s niece.
B. Secret – who is this person who kidnapped and murdered her in such a brutal fashion, and how does Gaia know all about it?
C. Investigation: Dan’s partner Jones takes lead on the homicide investigation, until another murder occurs.
WHO: (MISSING) The killer and his motivations, which somehow involve the Furies and a long-past event
WHAT: This is the event that triggers the rest of the series, with Dan becoming involved with the Furies.
WHEN: Occurs in our present day, modern times.
WHY: (Kept Secret first 6 episodes) The killer is pushed to kill, some force is driving him. A dark force.
WHERE: Small town in central California.
HOW: Killer uses a switchblade to not only murder the women, but also carves mysterious symbols into their flesh – symbols that only mean something to Gaia and her daughters, the Furies.
Part(s) Withheld: (1) The force driving the killer is a demon (2) And who, exactly, are the Furies?
Over Time Mystery
A Cover up: Furies keeping themselves a secret from the world around them.
B Secret: The killer is possessed by a demon, who reveals himself slowly across several episodes.
C Reveals: The demon controlling the serial killer is a power being out for revenge against the Furies, plus take over of the Underworld.
WHO: Main antagonist – Sorath.
WHAT: Plans to control the Underworld, and the fate of all human souls.
WHEN: As soon as he’s powerful enough after murdering and soaking up the life force of all the murdered young women. Also, takes advantage of a weakness in the Fury, Megaera.
WHY: Demon is driven by Revenge
WHERE: Present day earth, timeless in the Underworld.
HOW: Sorath, once he is strong enough, will launch an attack against the weakened Furies, kidnapping Megaera when she is at her most vulnerable.
Part Withheld: Just who is Dan and his connection to the ancient Gods & Goddesses? How does Dan factor, accidently, in weakening Megaera, allowing her to be taken by Sorath.
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Assignment Two:
Angels of Vengeance’s Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment will help immensely in the characters, as this will flesh out the characters and their journey.
A: Undeserved misfortune.
Dan – The murder of his beloved niece, followed by the murder of a fellow police officer.
Brianna – Her murder by a serial killer, yet she remains earth-bound until the killer is brought to justice, so she stays in the show as a ghost/spirit.
B: External Character conflicts:
Dan – a relationship with the Fury Megaera puts him in multiple situations of choosing between his relationship or being a cop.
Megaera – This ruthless goddess of revenge falling in love with a mortal – how this both infuriates Megaera and puts her into a dangerous situation with the demon Sorath.
C: Plot intruding on life
Dan – Death of his niece, meeting Megaera turns his life upside down.
Megaera – Falling for the mortal just when the demon Sorath makes his move against the Underworld might cause the loss of her sisters and mother, Gaia.
D: Moral dilemmas
Dan – Discovery of goddesses, in his own town, makes Dan rethink his attitude towards religion and the existence of “mythical beings”, not to mention knowledge that the Furies are supernatural vigilantes – versus his oath as a police officer.
E: Forced decisions they’d never make
Dan – His trip into the dangers of the Underworld to rescue Megaera
Megaera – Faced with being a mother after tens of thousands of years as an immortal goddess.
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Assignment One: Game of Thrones
Big Picture Empathy/Distress
Mostly undeserved misfortune for Ned Stark. Upon the death of his king, after being given the title “Protector of the Realm”, Cersei tears up the order and orders that Ned be taken.
Looking at Jon Snow, worked very, very hard to be a Ranger, only to be passed over and relegated to the duties of Steward.
Detail Empathy/Distress
Detail oriented would be Daenerys being the target of an assassin’s attempt to poison her. Piled on top of the death of her brother earlier, by molten gold on this head.
Jon Snow being relegated to cleaning the tables in the dining hall.
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Assignment Two
What I learned doing this assignment is just how complicated Gaia makes each relationship. In a lot of ways, looking back on what I write in the books, Gaia might be the instigator of the entire plot line with Dan and Megaera – this bears more scrutiny.
Show: Angels of Vengeance Relationship Maps
Dan and Megaera
Relationship Surface: Dan is wary of Megaera, who is she really? But he goes align with her advances because she’s pretty insistent on a relationship
Relationship Common Ground: Mutual attraction.
Relationship Conflict: Is she a vigilante? Dan wants/needs to solve crimes the legal way, and Megaera and her sisters simply go out and murder the suspect.
Relationship History: Just starting – but Dan is bowled over by Megarea’s affections. In a lot of ways, she’s like an excited puppy around Dan.
Relationship Subtext: Dan actually loves the idea of a woman like Megaera, but is she just using him until she tires of him, then wipes his memory?
Relationship Arc: From conflict, questions into a semi-normal relationship, if anyone can call a relationship with an Underworld Deity “normal”.
Dan and Jones
Relationship Surface: Friends, possibly “come over to dinner” close, but not super close friends.
Relationship Common Ground: Policing the town, solving crimes.
Relationship Conflict: Jones is concerned with Dan’s lifestyle outside of the department, and Dan doesn’t want to hear about it.
Relationship History: Dan arrived at the department while Jones was still a patrolman, but saw in Jones the ability to be a good detective and partner.
Relationship Subtext: Typical “guy” subtext. Rattling on about a peewee football game while supervising a grisly crime scene.
Relationship Arc: Jones is concerned about Dan, and this mystery woman
Dan and Sandra McKenna
Relationship Surface: Dan and Sandra are ex’s. Briefly had a relationship a few years ago.
Relationship Common Ground: Dan and Sandra both work for the city and Dan needs Sandra as a sounding board for cases and opinions.
Relationship Conflict: Past relationship marred by Dan’s use of alcohol and his past, which makes him resistant to a relationship.
Relationship History: Dan and Sandra began dating when Dan first arrived in the town, but before Sandra began working for the city. His drinking ultimately caused the relationship to shift to one of more of an office-relationship.
Relationship Subtext: Sandra still wants Dan in her life. Dan is frightened of any relationships.
Relationship Arc: Backstore mostly, then Sandra will act as Dan’s counselor after the store shooting and then the death of his niece, a nice source of conflict.
Megaera – A Fury
Megaera and Tisiphone
Relationship Surface: Megaera usually allows Tisiphone to be the “leader” of the three Furies, but has her own agenda.
Relationship Common Ground: Goddess sisters.
Relationship Conflict: Tension between the two over Megaera wanting to be with Dan (or any mortal).
Relationship History: Goes back a few thousand years, since their creation during the time of the Titan – Elder God wars.
Relationship Subtext: Mutual respect for each others’ specific talents and powers
Relationship Arc: Until meeting Dan, Megaera was happy with following Tisiphone’s leadership, but Tisiphone doesn’t want Megaera in a relationship with any mortal.
Megaera and Gaia
Relationship Surface: Gaia is mother earth, mother goddess to all gods, and she dotes on Megaera, who loves being doted upon.
Relationship Common Ground: Both exist outside time and space, in their own small corner of the earth.
Relationship Conflict: Gaia keeps crucial information away from the Furies, and knows Dan has the potential to hurt Megaera’s powers, but is allowing things to “play out”
Relationship History: For most of their existence, they were separate. Now they share a house in a small projection of N-Space into Earth’s reality matrix. Now, Gaia keeps things on track – petitions and the occasional wandering ghost.
Relationship Subtext: An easy going relationship. Often Gaia counsels Megaera while gardening.
Relationship Arc: Gaia will allow events to unfold, even tho she might be able to stop the events in the first season.
Megaera and Alecto
Relationship Surface: Sisters, with Alecto also acting as counsel for Megaera,
Relationship Common Ground: The Furies kept the Underworld “running” properly. Alecto was/is vital to this task as she usually assists the other sisters in tracking down the target.
Relationship Conflict: Alecto also doesn’t want Megaera to have another relationship with a mortal, as it usually ends badly for the mortal. Megaera doesn’t seem to really care.
Relationship History: Going back to the beginning of time, they’ve been together, with Alecto sometimes accompanying Megaera on missions to take care of a target.
Relationship Subtext: A certain sexual tension between the two goddesses, as if they’ve been intimate beyond the usual sister-sister intimacy
Relationship Arc: Alecto grudgingly accepts Megaera’s relationship with Dan
Gaia Relationship Map
Gaia and Dan
Relationship Surface: Gaia is an intruder into Dan’s life.
Relationship Common Ground: Whatever is possessing the serial killer who murdered Dan’s niece also is dangerous to Gaia and the Furies
Relationship Conflict: Dan has serious trust issues with Gaia
Relationship History: They’d never met prior to Gaia invading Dan’s house one afternoon.
Relationship Subtext: After a while, it’s the same type of relationship a man would have with his mother-in-law
Relationship Arc: Antagonistic attitudes evolve into mutual respect
Gaia and Delfina
Relationship Surface: Old friends who are comfortable with each other
Relationship Common Ground: Delfina is at one with nature, and Gaia is nature embodied.
Relationship Conflict: Delfina has knowledge she could use to help Gaia, but chooses not to do so
Relationship History: When Delfina was a child, she was introduced to Gaia by the other tribal medicine woman. Gaia has been around Delfina all her life.
Relationship Subtext: Delfina is cranky, but it only shows in her attitude when with Gaia
Relationship Arc: No real arc, except that Delfina later chooses to assist Gaia and the Furies.
Gaia and The Furies
Relationship Surface: She’s a counselor or sounding board for the goddesses
Relationship Common Ground: All ancient goddesses
Relationship Conflict: Gaia tends to not tell the Furies important information they need in certain situations.
Relationship History: The history of the Furies, in that Gaia is their mother, being that the earth birthed the goddesses
Relationship Subtext: Gaia is subtly the leader of the Furies, without actually imposing her will onto them.
Relationship Arc: It’s revealed that Gaia is in far more danger than the Furies suspect.
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Lesson Six, Assignment 1
From Game of Thrones
Ned Stark’s Relationship Map with King Roberts
Surface They’re old friends going back years
Common Ground Shared experiences in battles. King loved Ned’s sister
Conflict Ned needs to follow the kings every order, no matter how dangerous
History Their friendship goes way back. Battles together, almost brothers-in-law
Subtext Ned admires Robert, there’s genuine love, but is wary of him now
Arc Good relationship until King Robert has him come on as the King’s hand, then it turns sour as Ned sees how Robert acts.
Ned’s Relationship Map with Lord Varys
Surface Simply co-workers, with Varys acting as a counselor to Ned
Common Ground Both serve the King
Conflict Varys pretends to befriend Ned, but is just waiting for his opportunity.
History Varys appears to have known Ned before. This remains unclear
Subtext Varys leads Ned down whatever path that best suits Varys, but not Ned.
Relationship Arc At this point, this can go well for Ned, go well for Varys, or blow up and one of them is suddenly out.
Ned’s Relationship Map with Cersei Baratheon
Surface Ned distrusts Cersei, and for good reason
Common Ground <font face=”inherit”>Their </font>loyalty<font face=”inherit”> for King Robert</font>
Relationship Conflict Cersei has her own agenda, and Ned is in the way.
Relationship History Not much history, appears Ned has little feeling for the King’s wife
Relationship Subtext Cersei wants Ned out of the way, Ned just wants her at arm’s length
Relationship Arc Thus far, this appears heading towards a major conflict over Cersei’s imp brother
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Assignment Two:
Character Profiles from “Angels of Vengeance”
What did I learn from doing this assignment? I reread what I’d written in my books, and I realized just how deep the characters are, and how I look at them, the layers become visible.
Dan Lanahan Profile
A:
Hope: Be the best possible cop/detective he can be
Fear: His best isn’t good enough.
B:
Want: To solve the murder of Brianna
Need: Expand his thinking to include the “impossible”
C:
Base Negative Emotion: Low level depression, too “serious”.
Public Mask: Stoic man, focuses on work, even in non-work situations.
D: Weakness: When faced with the paranormal (gods, ghosts) he grasps at any explanation which fits his worldview
E: Triggers: Children in danger. The press & journalists trigger him quickly.
F: Coping Mechanism: Eating Chinese take-away and drinking scotch.
Megaera – Primordial Goddess, a Fury
A:
Hope: Assist the stranded souls by solving their murders
Fear: Not having total control over a situation, slipping up and being spotted by mortals.
B:
Want: Just to do her job, and maybe have some fun
Need: She needs the validation others give her, especially men.
C:
Base Negative Emotion: She is quick to get extremely angry
Public Mask: Imposing figure, it’s as if her presence alerts people to the fact a real live goddess is around. That is, if she’s allowing others to see her.
D: Weakness: Although a goddess, she gets too wrapped up in her human facade of an elderly woman, and allows things to occur that shouldn’t happen, just to view the outcome.
E: Triggers: Injustice and harm to innocents
F: Coping Mechanism: Eating. Then sex. Sometimes not in that order.
Gaia – Mother Nature, Earth Goddess
A:
Hope: Keep the world going.
Fear: One of those silly gods will start something that will cause death and injuries.
B:
Want: To control the situation – as the earth goddess, she cares for her children.
Need: Be fully knowledgeable of all events and the surface gods causing those events
C:
Base Negative Emotion: Wants another shot at that demon, Sorath, even if it may destroy her daughters
Public Mask: Calm, collected. The organizing sense around the sometimes chaos of the Furies.
D: Weakness: Although a goddess, she gets too wrapped up in her human facade of an elderly woman, and allows things to occur that shouldn’t happen, just to view the outcome.
E: Triggers: Pure evil.
F: Coping Mechanism: Gardening, and teasing the bees in her garden
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Module One Lesson 5
Assignment One:
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are layers, upon layers, and the more complex the character, the more we invite obsession from the viewers.
Ned Stark Profile
A: Hope: Do a good job for the King, keep king safe, keep himself safe / Fear: repercussions of angering the king, plus all the other court conspiracies, being killed and leaving family to fend for themselves
B: Want: Take care of his family, especially his children / Need: Watch his back, so many wanting him to fail
C: Base Negative Emotion: Fear, basically – / Public Mask: Duty to the King and Honor
D: Weaknesses: Puts his daughters first, and resists making his youngest daughter a “proper” daughter
E: Triggers: Needless death, needless ceremonies,
F: Coping Mechanism: He dotes on his youngest daughter, allowing her to get away with all sorts of “unlady-like” behavior.
Jon Snow Profile- Ned’s illegitimate son.
A: Hope: Do to good, establish himself on his own terms in the kingdom Fear: Failure, especially failure that’d bring his father shame
B: Want: Be the best ranger possible on the wall Need: Watch his back, people are hoping he’ll fail, be killed or worse.
C: Base Negative Emotion: Fear (again) /Public Mask: Steady, even demeanor, even when given meaningless tasks.
D: Weakness: Willing to take on too much to prove his worth, even if his father isn’t around to see it.
E: Triggers: Helpless people being bullied, champion of the “little people”
F: Coping Mechanism: Training, combat, helping the new guys train, being nice, versus mean like the trainers
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Module One – Lesson 4 – assignment 2
What I learned during this part of the assignment is that, even though I have already created these characters for my novels, they contain a lot of hidden traits I need to uncover, essentially rethinking each main character.
So, for this assignment, I look at the central circle and I go with the mortal, Dan Lanahan.
Role: A detective, to investigate crimes that occur in his small town.
Hidden agendas: Hide his alcoholism, just get through the day and get home to drink.
Competition: There’s serious competition from these Furies over finding the serial killer. Dan needs to get to the killer first, to solve a lot of unsolved cases.
Conspiracies: Later on, Dan wants to keep his relationship with Megarea secret, due to her being a goddess and
Secrets: Fears he’s well out of his depth dealing with this serial killer in his town, and is REALLY out of his depth in dealing with Megaera and her sisters.
Deception: Openly covering up the existence of supernatural beings in this small town.
Wound: The loss of a daughter while in Dallas, because his ex was an alcoholic and crashed while driving drunk.
Secret Identity: He’s really descended from a goddess and has the powers of a demigod.
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Module One – Lesson 4 – assignment 1
What I learned from this assignment is that there are multiple layers to character development. To create really engaging characters, there is a simple formula to use, and fill in the blanks, thus creating very engaging characters for my show.
TV Show: Game of Thrones
This show is stuffed to the gills with intrigues, conspiracies, agendas both hidden and out in the open, among two main circles of characters. Previously, I looked at Lord Stark, but this assignment, I looked at a previously overlooked main character, Daenerys Targaryen.
Lord Stark rides into the King’s domain which is loaded with the typical court intrigues, conspiracies to kill his youngest son, who killed the previous Hand of the King, dilemmas like making sure the treasury is sufficient to run the court, much less hold tournaments.
Role: Meek concubine/wife of Dothraki horde Khal Drogo
Hidden agendas: Usurp her brother in claiming the crown of the Seven Kingdoms
Competition: Her brother, and Khal Drogo
Conspiracies: Doreah to win Khal’s heart, Ser Jorah Mormont in questioning her brother’s ability to lead an invading army,
Secrets: Those dragon’s eggs
Deception: Pretending to love Khal, playing the role of submissive wife
Wound: Possibly some sexual abuse by her brother – definitely being raped by Khal.
Secret Identity: Warrior Queen
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Module One – Lesson 3 – Assignment 2
What I learned in this assignment is that my characters need more layers, and a lot more thought, even though I’ve written them in two books.
My series – The Furies (or a title to be determined later)
1: The Journey of this show. A serial killer strikes a small west coast town. When the serial killer kills Dan’s niece, he’s taken into a world where ancient gods and goddesses still exist, which up-ends his atheist mindset. The serial killer is possessed by an ancient evil, a demon, known as Sorath, who is literally Mister 666 himself.
2. Main Characters:
Dan Lanahan – Detective in the small town.
Megaera – One of the Furies
A: Role in the show.
Dan is the main male character in the show. A cop, with experience in Dallas. His niece is murdered, followed by the murder of a fellow cop.
Megaera – A Fury, one of three. Thankfully only three. She and her sisters propel the show forward by looking to avenge the murder of Dan’s niece, since she can’t move on while her killer has escaped justice.
B:Unique Purpose/Expertise
Dan – as a cop, he investigates the murders. He’s tracking down the serial killer when the killer is intercepted by the Furies, literally unleashing Hell.
Megaera – as a goddess, she possesses magic powers, and can go through space and time. She also falls in love with Dan (Plot “B”). She goes after Dan like he was a target. He stands no chance against her.
C: Intrigue
Dan – He has a backstory of being a cop in Dallas, whose wife was an alcoholic, and she caused an accident, killing their unborn baby and an innocent bystander in Dallas. After the murder of his mother, Dan rejects all beliefs in greater powers.
Megaera – She has a soft spot for this intriguing mortal man, but how is she going to deal with Dan when he finds out his niece’s ghost is currently with the Furies.
D: Moral Issue
Dan – will he stand by as the Furies exact revenge for murders? What can he do to stop them, even if he might not want to stop them?
Megaera – Goddesses shouldn’t “dally” with mortal men. Also, why did Dan spot her initially?
E: Unpredictable
Dan – He’s pretty predictable at first, resistant to Megaera’s advances, but as he’s shown who she is, he denies the evidence, preferring to think he’s been drugged.
Megaera – True to her name, which means “Jealous Rage”, Megaera tends to lose her temper and cause damage. She is also quick to commit murder, but contains it to people who “deserve” her attention. She’s spontaneous. If she feels it, she does it.
F: Empathetic
Dan – Dan isn’t really living until he encounters Megaera. She pulls him out and his life takes a sudden turn. Are Gods actually REAL? Yes, they are. And boy, are there a lot of them.
Megaera – we will empathize with Megaera as she enacts vengeance on people who’ve murdered their own family and have escaped justice. Especially when it’s a murdered child.
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Module 1, lesson 3 Assignment 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that the main character (Ned Stark) is very nuanced, and we’re given hints at his character, all while his world is shifted, or turned upside down, depending on how it’s viewed.
Example show: Game of Thrones
Ned Stark.
1: His role in this show is one of the many main characters in GoT, he is Lord of Winterfell. A major player in the Seven Kingdoms.
2: Being an old friend of the King, he’s well suited to be the “Kings Hand”, his expertise is in leading men, and running a castle. He brings discipline, a depth of knowledge that is quite useful in his new role.
3: Intrigue – King’s landing is a dangerous place. Intrigues are around every corner in the castle, from the Queen and her brother to the aspirations of anyone in line to succeed the King. Ned must step carefully, to prevent his family from being harmed by the many plots unfolding around them.
4: Moral Issue – I haven’t picked up Ned’s moral issue. I figure in future episodes he’ll be pressed to choose between his family and their safety, and the role he has for his King.
5: Unpredictable – On one hand I figure I know what Stark will do, but he has thus subtext about how he’s fed up with the way the kingdom is being run.
6: Empathy – The audience sides with Ned, due to his actions around his own family. This shows he cares deeply about family, even when that comes into conflict with his duty to uphold his oath to the King.
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Mod 1, Lesson 2 Assignment Two
Angels of Vengeance’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that characters drive the story. Their circles may shift during a single episode, but often return to the main circle. The deeper the character, the better the story. It builds empathy with the audience.
1-A) Main character’s circle Dan Lanahan (Small town detective)
Megaera (A Fury)
Jones (Dan’s partner and confidant)
Brianna (Dan’s murdered niece)
1-B: Connected Circle
Tisiphone (A Fury)
Alecto (A Fury)
Chief Patterson
Sandra McKenna, Coroner
Gaia (Mother Goddess)
1-C: Environment Circle
Kyle Banks – FBI Profiler
Hansen – another detective
Hermes (Messenger God)
Thanatos (God of Death)(AKA “Junior”)
Lord Bune – Duke of Demons in Underworld
Sorath – Bad demon, old 666 his own damned self
Delfina – tribal medicine woman
Bobbie Banks (murder victim)
Kelsey Franklin (cop who is murdered)
2. Main Characters:
Dan Lanahan – cop in a small west coast town, plunged into a mythical world he never knew existed. Atheist who’s journey turns him into a literal Grecian hero.
Megaera – A Fury, Roman/Greco goddess. Ancient. Prone to extreme violence. Described as “Nuclear Hot” – so hot she’d melt sand into glass. Pale, blonde woman, who tends to wear light clothing, eye-catching skirts and flowing dresses. Beautiful, but no touching.
Brianna – Dan’s niece. A victim of a brutal serial killer, and sticks around as a ghost until her murderer is brought to justice by the Furies.
Jones – Dan’s partner, African-American, ex-military, solid cop, smart sense of humor and dress.
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Lesson 2 Assignment 1
What did I learn – the interactions between circles, the circles in this show morph, expand and contract, characters switching circles. The more complex the plots, the more complex the movements between the “Venn Diagrams” of the characters.
Series: Game of Thrones
Main Character (for purposes of this assignment) – Eddard Stark
A. Main Characters (Eddard Stark’s) Circle:
Sansa and Arya Stark – daughters
King Robert Baratheon
B. Connected Circle:
Lady Cersei Lannister – wife of King
Grand Maester Pycelle
Jaime Lannister – Lady Lannister’s Twin Brother
Robb Stark – Eddard’s eldest son
Sansa Stark – Eddard’s eldest daughter
C. Environment Circle:
Daenerys Targaryen
Jon Snow – Stark’s bastard son
Tyrion Lannister – King’s dwarf son
Bran Stark – youngest son of Eddard
Viserys Targaryen – Daenerys’ brother
Joffrey Baratheon – Kings Son (and a right bastard)
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Game of Thrones 5 Star Model
What I learned doing this assignment is how complex a serial TV series can grab and yank a viewer into it. I wanted to go to the next episode and had to force myself to stop.
Big Picture Hooks –
This is a TV series with the scope of an epic motion picture. The music, the design, the acting. Then the mystery of the White Walkers (as we learn what they’re called), intrigue with the death of John Arryn, layer after layer of sub-plots and what-the-f moments keeps the viewer in the episode.
This isn’t JUST a TV series. It’s an epic in the vein of Excalibur, Lord of the Rings, Robin Hood, Elizabeth, to name a few. Yet, its a TV series.
Main character (s):
The obvious main character is Eddard Stark. Complex emotions play in the subtext, as he is reminded throughout the show that he’d sworn an oath. The plot gets kicked into the second act when the King arrives and asks (or tells) Stark to join him at his court.
“Fun” characters like Tyrion Lannister, an outcast due to being a dwarf.
King Robert as a fornicating, hunting, feasting bear of a man.
The children, and the potential intrigues.
Sweet & innocent Daenerys married off to a savage who rapes her on her wedding night, but there is more there, I suspect
Empath/Distress:
Stark’s distress at the execution, but he has a duty to uphold. Then the offer to join the court, which pulls Stark from his comfort zone.
Layers/Open Loops:
Multiple mysteries. White Walkers. Robert thinks he’s done with the Targaryen, only we see Viserys Targaryen in exile plotting a return, with an army.
Jealousies, from all sides, during the main feast. Queen and Lady Stark talk about their children marrying.
The Queen loathes her husband. Will she support him later? Will she betray him?
Inviting Obsession:
More so than the other pilots I’ve watched, this left me wanting to watch more.
The reaction of Stark to the death of his son, Bran. He was warned not to climb, but it was unexpected to have him being pushed.
The invitation on a quest, the potential for dragons, battles and all that accompanies epic stories set in foreign, yet familiar, lands.
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Howdy Ya’ll.
I’m Dave Thompson.
I’ve written 6 screenplays, a fantasy novel series, and a bunch of “self-help” books.
I hope to somehow turn my fantasy novel into a TV series.
As a photographer, in 1990, I assisted the R&D guys at Kodak with their new 35mm film scanner, plus beta tested a LOT of digital prototypes in 1990 & 1991.
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My name is David Thompson. I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Sounds good!
Tho – I still want to tweak this one scene, so give me a day or so.
My email is david@dtphoto.com
Dave
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by David Thompson.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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Awesome, thanks!