[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Outline Version 1

Outline of “TBD”

Screenplay by P. Carmichael-Raymond

Logline: As a hurricane barrels down on an eastern Louisiana community, a young woman finds the terrifying force she thought she’d outrun, has caught up with her and she may not be able to outrun it this time.

HORROR OUTLINE:

ACT 1

1. EXT – BAYOU CHENE SWAMP / CHURCH — NIGHT

Horror Situation: As Sybil flees through the back swamps of the Bayou Chene, branches rustle and fierce winds surround her. In a bid to escape and find shelter, she heads towards a desolate church building.

Dread: Something tugs at her jacket knocking her to the ground.

Apprehension: She makes it to the church and slams the door behind her, locking the iron bolt firmly.

Dread: Sybil realizes the alter enshrined in herbs, amulets, and dolls in a familiar configuration to the one she has seen before her ex-fiancé tried to kill her.

Fear: Through a rattling door, Sybil’s pursuers from the Care Center appear and attempt to rip her apart.

Release: Priest saves Sybil with a prayer and incantation that defeats her pursuers.

2. EXT – CATAHOULA PARISH / JEAN LAFFITE ELEMENTARY LOADING DOCK — DAY

10 Years Later:

Terrance drives into the Jean Laffite Elementary parking lot in his Crescent City Foods van to make his last delivery to the school vending machines. He looks in the rearview mirror, stone faced. His demeanor changes and becomes affable as he unloads his hand cart and enters the school.

3. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — DAY

News accounts warn the public of a dangerous storm coming, Hurricane Imogene. French teacher, Sybil, watches as a van pulls into the lot and heads towards the dock around the back of the school.

4. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY

Carmel Washington, English 101 teaching assistant, talks to class about reading during the hurricane. Lily Thibodeaux, Miles and Chantel Pally are students in the classroom.

Clara Knox, school psychologist lets Miles and Chantel know their parents are driving in from Mississippi so they will have to stay at the school until they arrive.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY

Principal LaPierre propositions Carmel while asking her to stay and help with the evacuation center at the school. She says no to his advances but yes to helping to help her application for the position.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL OFFICE — DAY

Marie Slope, school secretary, is on the phone gossiping with her mother about possibly staying for the hurricane and that she plans on confronting Principal LaPierre about his inappropriate behavior and blackmailing him for a raise.

5. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM — DAY

Coach Ogilvy is giving the football team a pep talk about being heroes during the hurricane. Helping neighbors and being pillars of the community during this time. They huddle for prayer, and he dismisses them and heads toward the teacher’s lounge.

6. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / TEACHER’S LOUNGE — DAY

Principal LaPierre addresses teachers and staff regarding the evacuation center and confirms volunteers. Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, and Marie agree to stay.

Marcus Pitney, math teacher, leaves the room while LaPierre address the teachers to take a cellphone call. He becomes belligerent with the caller when he does not get the position in the LSU math department.

7. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — DAY

Potter, world weary janitor, is putting up boards on the windows in the gym.

EXT – TRAILER PARK IN CATAHOULA / THIBODEAUX TRAILER — DAY

Jacob and Jill Thibodeaux watch the news on the hurricane, decide to go to the evacuation center at the school to steal electronics from the new media center during the worst of the storm.

8. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

Terrance fills the last of the vending machines and finds Marie in the school office to sign the invoice.

Marcus enters the office in a foul mood and butts into the conversation. Marcus thinks everyone is overacting to the storm and that an evacuation center is a stupid idea. He plans to go home.

9. EXT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL PARKING LOT – EVENING

Storm clouds and lightening fills the sky. Branches in the tree start breaking off as if something is pushing through the tree line. Parking lot lights flicker then go dark just as Jacob and Jill make it to the front door of the school.

10. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CAFETRIA – EVENING

LaPierre gets a call on his walkie talkie – looters attacking evacuation centers. State Police tell him to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity, but he may be on his own.

11. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / AROUND THE SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

Marcus runs to his car through the torrent of rain. As he approaches it, a tree on the perimeter of the lot falls on his car. He heads back to the school.

Anxiety: LaPierre is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut and gives the key to Marie. The windows are also nailed with thick boards and industrial nails.

Dread: Electricity goes in and out.

Monster Reveal: The Care Center from 10 years ago are revealing themselves by inducing those affected by its power to experience disorienting thoughts, recurring disturbing memories to disarm them and make them more pliable to its infiltration.

Terrance shows up in the cafeteria. LaPierre wants to know why he is still there. Terrance claimed he didn’t close the door on the van all the way and his battery is dead. He’ll have to wait until the storm subsides.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

12. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — EVENING

Sybil and Carmel are talking and checking on the building to make sure it is secure. They stumble upon the exit doors with chains. The enter the gym.

Horror Situation: Marie is found in the gym facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.

Dread: Marie is the key holder of the chains and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the keys to the door chains.

Panic: Several people in the cafeteria hear the screams and come running.

Apprehension: Clara is upset and panicked but rational. Sybil is confused; tries to call for help but no signal. Carmel is overwhelmed and frightened, Potter is confused. Marcus arrogance changes to fear.

Coach Ogilvy puts a game plan to keep the remaining people safe. Principal LaPierre is quietly relieved that his blackmailer is dead until he remembers she has the code to the safe with the keys.

Jacob & Jill think their rival associates are the murderers.

Lily tells Clara she thinks her parents foreshadow this; Miles and Chantel are worried and asking when their parents will be coming to get them.

Carmel and Sybil mention the chains on the door and ask for the key to unlock them. LaPierre confirms Marie has the key, but it is not on her. Potter states the boards secured to the brick walls with industrial strength nails will not be easy to remove. They must think of another way out.

13. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / LAPIERRE OFFICE — EVENING

Horror Situation: Carmel, Clara, LaPierre, Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Terrance convene in Marie’s office to find the key. They can’t and assume it is in the safe. Finger-pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.

· Tension: LaPierre tries to exercise authority but is outshined by Coach Ogilvy.

· Surprise: Marcus finds the others in the office followed by Jacob and Jill. He is angry that he wasn’t included in the discussion. Marcus’s fear switches to over-the-top behavior, causes the rifts and factions in the group to unfold. Some are drawn to Coach Ogilvy and some to Marcus.

· Tension: Sybil, Carmel, Clara, and Potter are in Ogilvy’s camp. Jacob and Jill, and Terrance are leaning towards Marcus. LaPierre sides with Marcus to gain power over his faction.

· Horror: The heightened uncertainty makes it easier for the Care Center to target the group, more difficult to recognize the danger and the saviors, causing paranoia in its targets and poor judgement, dividing the group physically and emotionally from one another.

14. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / CAFETERIA — EVENING

Lily, Miles, and Chantel wait in the cafeteria. Lily needs reassurance. Chantel & Miles feel lost and alone.

15. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / MEDIA CENTER – EVENING

Jacob and Jill pilfer electronics from the media room and leave it in the janitorial closet.

16. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / JANITORIAL HALLWAYS – EVENING

Horror Situation: Lily, Miles and Chantel play of hide and seek in the back corridors where storage and janitorial closets are.

· Apprehension: The flickering lights causing ominous shadows on the concrete walls. She sees a shadow that looks like it is coming towards her. The lights go out completely leaving Chantel in the dark.

· Release: The lights come back on Miles is standing in front her. He yells “Found you!” Chantel is startled, Lily and Miles laugh.

· Dread: The start the game over again and Lily hides. She decides to hide in the janitor’s closet.

· Suspense: As Lily loses her balance and falls backward on a lump. She reaches up to feel around and grabs hold of the chain to turn on the single light bulb in the closet.

· Shock: Lily pulls the cloth back from the lump and finds her parents, Jacob and Jill in the cleaning closet. Their eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them.

· Anguish: Lily screams.

Lily mumbles that her parents warned her about this.

Sybil knows the configuration looks familiar to the one she saw in the church ten years ago.

The remaining people are agitated. Dissent is beginning to grow.

LaPierre tries to bully the rest into leaving into the dangerous weather on a school bus, challenges anyone who wants to leave to come with him.

Marcus and Terrance volunteers to corral the people in the cafeteria and keep them away from the bodies and avoid mass panic and get them on the buses.

17. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Clara leads the kids and Sybil, Carmel, Potter, and Ogilvy to her office. The adults move to the opposite corner to whisper about next steps.

They agree that someone in the school is a killer. The evacuees in the cafeteria have been there the whole time so it has to be someone connected to the school.

18. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / POOL – EVENING

Sheriff’s Office comes on the walkie talkie and advises listeners on channel 1 to stay put stating the storm is potentially lethal, flooding is widespread.

LaPierre heads to the pool to get floatation devices just in case the buses get overrun by water.

Horror Situation: LaPierre finds all of the floatation devices cuts to shreds.

· Creepy Moment: On his way back to the cafeteria, LaPierre walks along the perimeter of the pool, scratching his arm.

· Dread: He sees a disturbing image. It is the tears and pain in a woman he raped 20 years ago. LaPierre remembered the incident as a mutual experience. It was not.

· Fear: Heaving, he grabs his chest. He pulls out his walkie talkie to call for help. He drops the gadget.

· Horror: Looking down he sees his intestines dangling to the floor. He tries to run and gasps for air. Stumbling along the pool edge, he can’t see because his eyes are gone. He falls into the water and dies.

19. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Terrance runs to Clara’s office. She blocks his entrance to the office, asks him to leave.

Terrance says LaPierre was found dead in the bloody pool water. He doesn’t give any more details before everyone, but Carmel leaves the office. Carmel stays with the kids.

After locking the pool so that no one would find LaPierre, Clara’s faction and the rest of LaPierre’s faction return to Clara’s office.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

20. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: The group argues about who the killer is. Both factions believe it is someone connected to someone in the opposing camp.

· Tension: Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group.

· Shock: Marcus becomes enraged and picks up a baseball bat from the toy chest and goes after Ogilvy. A scuffle breaks out. The kids run behind the desk. The others move out the way and yell that them to stop.

· Release: Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Clara corner Marcus and knock him out. They drag him to Clara ’s coat closet and lock him with a chair against the door.

· Creepy Moment: Carmel begins scratching her arm then begins acting strangely, acting out and contorting, eyes changing color. Something is pulling at her arms as she falls to the floor.

· Tension: The storm becomes increasingly frantic outside, branches crashing into the window.

· Shock: The group holds Carmel down thinking it is a seizure.

· Suspense: Sybil stands by watching. She knows what is going on but knows revealing this could be disastrous for her.

· Tension: Sybil whispers something into Carmel’s ear but the others don’t notice this action.

· Release: Carmel becomes herself again and tells the group about the Care Center.

· Surprise: Carmel tells the group that Sybil knows about the Care Center and ask why she didn’t warn them.

· Shock: During Clara’s trance/seizure, the Care Center revealed their presence and that Sybil was not the killer but knows who is.

The group is divided about what to do with Sybil. Sybil verbally defends her with a sanitized version of who the Care Center is and her relationship with Carras.

· Fear: Sybil tells the group the Care Center can cause physical injuries as well as psychic injuries through bringing your past back as a vision during an unstable emotional state.

· Apprehension: Clara, Ogilvy, and Lily look at each other. They have experienced the visions. They agree to all stick together since they think Marcus is the killer.

21. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: Coach Ogilvy remembers an old family hex to ward off bad omens, suggests finding the botany lab for flowers and herbs. Everyone sticks together and heads to the lab.

· Suspense: Terrane is hesitant to enter the lab, Sybil is suspicious. She didn’t tell the group that the Care Center members are forced to reveal their human form if exposed to the right herbs.

· Apprehension: Sybil thinks Terrance is from the Care Center, but he does enter the lab.

· Release: Sybil relaxes when Terrance enters the room. After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they head back to Marcus.

22. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: They open the closet and a woozy Marcus, cursing them out, is dragged out to the middle of the office.

· Suspense: The amulets are put around him. Ogilvy leads the incantation. Marcus starts moaning, groaning. They all think it is working.

· Release: Nothing happens. Marcus chastises them for being too loud and his head hurts.

· Monster Reveal: Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

23. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / HALLWAY – EVENING

Horror Situation: Sybil yells to run for the roof and takes the lead on getting the group to safety.

· Suspense: Except Lily runs the other direction down the hall and screams at the Terrance monster to come and get her.

· Tension: Lily has played a lot in the secret corners of the school and knew of another way to the roof and decided to use herself as a decoy.

· Shock: Sybil and Clara run towards her, and the Terrance monster knocks them back then disappears down the hall.

· Fear: Ogilvy follows them as they head in the direction that Lily ran. Potter hustles Miles and Chantel in the other direction to the roof.

24. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF – EVENING

Horror Situation: Sybil finds the Terrance monster cornering Lily. Her safety in in peril.

· Anguish: Lily is screaming, crying, and angry that Terrane killed her parents.

· Surprise: The Terrance monster looks momentarily confused.

· Panic: In that moment that the Terrance monster is confused, Sybil threw an amulet at him. He treats in pain.

· Suspense: She grabs Lily and they run up the stairs with Potter and Carmel to the roof.

Horror Situation: Everyone makes it to the roof and storm is raging, winds gusting uncontrollably.

· Apprehension: Potter pulls out LaPierre’s walkie talkie he picked up after LaPierre’s death, calls for help and the Sheriff’s Office picks up.

· Shock: The Terrance monster appears on the roof and sets his sights on the children.

· Apprehension: Clara protects the kids and steps in front of them while reaching in her pocket for an amulet and finds that it must have fell out.

· Suspense: Sybil steps up and tells the Terrance monster to take her and not the kids.

· Dread: Potter finds a crowbar in a toolbox bolted to the roof floor and comes up behind the Terrance monster to hit him.

· Shock: The Terrance monster turns around and hits Potter. Potter gets up and makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar, but the Terrance monster tossed him from the roof to his death.

Horror Situation: The Terrance monster turns back to the kids.

· Apprehension: Standing behind the kids and Clara is Ogilvy.

· Monster Reveal: Sybil sees Ogilvy’s hands grow large.

· Shock: Ogilvy was from the Care Center.

· Suspense: Sybil runs to stop Ogilvy from sneaking up on the kids.

· Horror: Clara sees the Terrance monster raising his arms to attack and throws herself on the Terrance monster; Clara’s intestines ripped from her. Clara sacrificed her soul for the kids.

· Dread: Clara did not know the Terrance monster was saving the kids and killing Ogilvy.

· Panic: The kids scream. Ogilvy laughs with delight. But the Terrance monster gets the last laugh.

Horror Situation: Sybil, Carmel, and Marcus watch in horror as the Terrance monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines.

· Surprise: Ogilvy transforms into Carras.

· Shock: The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides.

· The Carras monster fights back and unleashes his power at the last minute in a fit of survival.

· Horror: The Terrance monster returns to the Care Center by disappearing into a fog.

· Surprise: The Care Center has rules that need to be enforced; children are sacred and even the Care Center will defend the truly innocent against the Carras monster.

· Shock: No one is sure how long Ogilvy’s body is compromised. Ogilvy/Carras was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and should not be trusted.

· Dread: Sybil slowly realizes that the Care Center had more than one faction in operation – one that is trying to capture one of their own and another trying to cause chaos, mayhem, and death.

25. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF — DAWN

Release: As the sun comes up and military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety.

Creepy Moment: Sybil scratches her arm.

Dread: She knows you can run but you can’t hide from the Care Center but if Carras is gone, maybe it’s over. She climbs into the military vehicle.

Release: Miles and Chantel run to their parents’ arms. They start excitedly telling them about the evening’s event except they can’t seem to remember a lot of it.

Anguish: Marcus shows a lot less hubris upon his rescue.

Release: Lily sits next to Carmel when the load into the military vehicle. Lily does remember all of the events. She grows to believe that not all evil is totally evil. She squeezes Carmel’s hand. Carmel smiles at her.

Creepy Moment: Carmel scratches her arm. She tells Lily that she is a warrior even if she wasn’t born one, she could become one. Then Carmel turns to look out the window and her eyes disappear.

26. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING – DAWN

The interior of the school shows the dead victim’s bodies intact, and authorities discussing a poison food outbreak must have killed them.

None of the bodies show the horrific injuries they suffered.

The Care Center covers its tracks and no one in the school will remember any of the horrors; only Sybil, Lily, and Carmel will remember.

Creepy Moment: The last shot is of all of them sitting together scratching their arms.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Although this is a very, very, very rough draft of a screenplay, I feel like there is so much room to grow and give it more depth, heart, and scares. This process is a life changing creative exercise for me as a new screenwriter. Having never done this before, this entire process gives me confidence that I have the tools to put together a full-blown script which is something I have never thought I was capable of. Seeing the fruits of my labor in this last lesson is pretty amazing for me as a writer.

Outline of “TBD”

Screenplay by P. Carmichael-Raymond

“TBD” Horror Situation Track

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

1. EXT – BAYOU CHENE SWAMP / CHURCH — NIGHT

Horror Situation: As Sybil flees through the back swamps of the Bayou Chene, branches rustle and fierce winds surround her. In a bid to escape and find shelter, she heads towards a desolate church building.

Dread: Something tugs at her jacket knocking her to the ground.

Apprehension: She makes it to the church and slams the door behind her, locking the iron bolt firmly.

Dread: Sybil realizes the alter enshrined in herbs, amulets, and dolls in a familiar configuration to the one she has seen before her ex-fiancé tried to kill her.

Fear: Through a rattling door, Sybil’s pursuers from the Care Center appear and attempt to rip her apart.

Release: Priest saves Sybil with a prayer and incantation that defeats her pursuers.

2. EXT – CATAHOULA PARISH / JEAN LAFFITE ELEMENTARY LOADING DOCK — DAY

10 Years Later:

Terrance drives into the Jean Laffite Elementary parking lot in his Crescent City Foods van to make his last delivery to the school vending machines. He looks in the rearview mirror, stone faced. His demeanor changes and becomes affable as he unloads his hand cart and enters the school.

3. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — DAY

News accounts warn the public of a dangerous storm coming, Hurricane Imogene. French teacher, Sybil, watches as a van pulls into the lot and heads towards the dock around the back of the school.

4. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY

Carmel Washington, English 101 teaching assistant, talks to class about reading during the hurricane. Lily Thibodeaux, Miles and Chantel Pally are students in the classroom.

Clara Knox, school psychologist, addresses the classroom staying calm about staying calm during the storm.

Clara lets Miles and Chantel know their parents are driving in from Mississippi so they will have to stay at the school until they arrive.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY

Principal LaPierre propositions Carmel while asking her to stay and help with the evacuation center at the school. She says no. However, Carmel rethinks if she should stay to help her application. She decides to do it but let’s LaPierre know she will not be compromised and to stay away from her.

5. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL OFFICE — DAY

Marie Slope, school secretary, is on the phone gossiping with her mother about possibly staying for the hurricane and that she plans on confronting Principal LaPierre about his inappropriate behavior and blackmailing him for a raise.

6. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM — DAY

Coach Ogilvy is giving the football team a pep talk about being heroes during the hurricane. Helping neighbors and being pillars of the community during this time. They huddle for prayer, and he dismisses them and heads toward the teacher’s lounge.

7. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / TEACHER’S LOUNGE — DAY

Principal LaPierre addresses teachers and staff in the teacher’s lounge regarding the evacuation center and confirming volunteers. Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, and Marie agree to stay. Principal LaPierre does not see the hurricane as a threat.

Marcus Pitney, math teacher, leaves the room while LaPierre address the teachers to take a cellphone call. He becomes belligerent with the caller when he does not get the position in the LSU math department.

8. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — DAY

Potter, world weary janitor, is putting up boards on the windows in the gym.

EXT – TRAILER PARK IN CATAHOULA / THIBODEAUX TRAILER — DAY

Jacob and Jill Thibodeaux watch the news on the hurricane. They decide to go to the evacuation center at the school with the purpose of stealing electronics from the new media center and getting out during the worst of the storm.

9. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

Terrance fills the last of the vending machines and finds Marie in the school office to sign the invoice.

Marcus enters the office in a foul mood and butts into the conversation. Marcus thinks everyone is overacting to the storm and that an evacuation center is a stupid idea. He plans to go home.

10. EXT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL PARKING LOT – EVENING

Storm clouds and lightening fills the sky. Branches in the tree start breaking off as if something is pushing through the tree line. Parking lot lights flicker then go dark just as Jacob and Jill make it to the front door of the school.

11. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CAFETRIA – EVENING

LaPierre gets a call on his walkie talkie – looters attacking evacuation centers. State Police tell him to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity, but he may be on his own.

12. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / AROUND THE SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

Marcus runs to his car through the torrent of rain. As he approaches it, a tree on the perimeter of the lot falls on his car. He heads back to the school.

Anxiety: LaPierre is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut and gives the key to Marie. The windows are also nailed with thick boards and industrial nails.

Dread: Electricity goes in and out.

Horror: The Care Center from 10 years ago are revealing themselves by inducing those affected by its power to experience disorienting thoughts and recurring tragic or frightening memories to disarm them and make them more pliable to its infiltration.

Terrance shows up in the cafeteria. LaPierre wants to know why he is still there. Terrance claimed he didn’t close the door on the van all the way and his battery is dead. He’ll have to wait until the storm subsides.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

13. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — EVENING

Sybil and Carmel are talking and checking on the building to make sure it is secure. They stumble upon the exit doors with chains. The enter the gym.

Horror Situation: Marie is found in the gym facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.

Dread: Marie is the key holder of the chains and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the keys to the door chains.

Panic: Several people in the cafeteria hear the screams and come running.

Apprehension: Clara is upset and panicked but rational. Sybil is confused; tries to call for help but no signal. Carmel is overwhelmed and frightened, Potter is confused. Marcus arrogance changes to fear.

Coach Ogilvy puts a game plan to keep the remaining people safe. Principal LaPierre is quiet but relieved that his blackmailer is dead until he remembers she has the code to the safe with the keys.

Jacob & Jill think their rival associates did this. Clara shoos Lily, Miles, and Chantel away from the carnage.

Lily tells Clara she thinks her parents foreshadow this; Miles and Chantel are worried and asking when their parents will be coming to get them.

Carmel and Sybil mention the chains on the door and ask for the key to unlock them. LaPierre confirms Marie has the key, but it is not on her. Potter states the boards secured to the brick walls with industrial strength nails will not be easy to remove. They must think of another way out.

Clara believes someone in the school is dangerous; it is not safe inside, but it is not safe outside either.

14. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / LAPIERRE OFFICE — EVENING

Horror Situation: Carmel, Clara, LaPierre, Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Terrance convene in Marie’s office to find the key. They can’t and assume it is in the safe. Finger-pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.

· Tension: LaPierre tries to exercise authority but is outshined by Coach Ogilvy.

· Surprise: Marcus finds the others in the office followed by Jacob and Jill. He is angry that he wasn’t included in the discussion. Marcus’s fear switches to over-the-top behavior, causes the rifts and factions in the group to unfold. Some are drawn to Coach Ogilvy and some to Marcus.

· Tension: Sybil, Carmel, Clara, and Potter are in Ogilvy’s camp. Jacob and Jill, and Terrance are leaning towards Marcus. LaPierre sides with Marcus to gain power over his faction.

· Horror: The heightened uncertainty makes it easier for the Care Center to target the group, more difficult to recognize the danger and the saviors, causing paranoia in its targets and poor judgement, dividing the group physically and emotionally from one another.

15. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / CAFETERIA — EVENING

Lily, Miles, and Chantel wait in the cafeteria. Lily needs reassurance. Chantel & Miles feel lost and alone.

16. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / MEDIA CENTER – EVENING

Jacob and Jill pilfer electronics from the media room and leave it in the janitorial closet.

17. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / JANITORIAL HALLWAYS – EVENING

Horror Situation: Lily, Miles and Chantel play of hide and seek in the back corridors where storage and janitorial closets are.

· Apprehension: The flickering lights causing ominous shadows on the concrete walls. She sees a shadow that looks like it is coming towards her. The lights go out completely leaving Chantel in the dark.

· Release: The lights come back on Miles is standing in front her. He yells “Found you!” Chantel is startled, Lily and Miles laugh.

· Dread: The start the game over again and Lily hides. She decides to hide in the janitor’s closet.

· Suspense: As Lily loses her balance and falls backward on a lump. She reaches up to feel around and grabs hold of the chain to turn on the single light bulb in the closet.

· Shock: Lily pulls the cloth back from the lump and finds her parents, Jacob and Jill in the cleaning closet. Their eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them.

· Anguish: Lily screams.

Clara pulls Lily away and shields her from the carnage. Lily mumbles that her parents warned her about this.

Sybil knows the configuration looks familiar to the one she saw in the church ten years ago.

The remaining people who see Jacob and Jill are extremely worried. Dissent is beginning to grow.

LaPierre complains this is his school and tries to bully the rest into leaving into the dangerous weather on a school bus.

LaPierre storms off to his office and challenges anyone who wants to leave to come with him. Marcus goes with him. Terrance volunteers to corral the people in the cafeteria and keep them away from the bodies and avoid mass panic and get them on the buses.

18. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Clara leads the kids and Sybil, Carmel, Potter, and Ogilvy to her office. The adults move to the opposite corner to whisper about next steps.

They agree that someone in the school is a killer. The evacuees in the cafeteria have been there the whole time so it has to be someone connected to the school.

19. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / POOL – EVENING

LaPierre huddles with Terrance and Marcus. The evacuees are getting ready to go in the cafeteria.

Sheriff’s Office comes on the walkie talkie and advises listeners on channel 1 to stay put stating the storm is potentially lethal, flooding is widespread. LaPierre heads to the pool to get floatation devices just in case the buses get overrun by water.

LaPierre decides he will be the one to lead all of them to the safety of the school auditorium in the next parish.

Horror Situation: LaPierre finds all of the floatation devices cuts to shreds.

· Creepy Moment: On his way back to the cafeteria, LaPierre walks along the perimeter of the pool, scratching his arm.

· Dread: He sees a disturbing image. It is the tears and pain in a woman he raped 20 years ago. LaPierre remembered the incident as a mutual experience. It was not.

· Fear: Heaving, he grabs his chest. He pulls out his walkie talkie to call for help. He drops the gadget.

· Horror: Looking down he sees his intestines dangling to the floor. He tries to run and gasps for air. Stumbling along the pool edge, he can’t see because his eyes are gone. He falls into the water and dies.

20. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Terrance runs to Clara’s office. She blocks his entrance to the office, asks him to leave.

Terrance says LaPierre was found dead in the bloody pool water. He doesn’t give any more details before everyone, but Carmel leaves the office. Carmel stays with the kids.

After locking the pool so that no one would find LaPierre, Clara’s faction and the rest of LaPierre’s faction return to Clara’s office.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

21. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: The group argues about who the killer is. Both factions believe it is someone connected to someone in the opposing camp.

· Tension: Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group.

· Shock: Marcus becomes enraged and picks up a baseball bat from the toy chest and goes after Ogilvy. A scuffle breaks out. The kids run behind the desk. The others move out the way and yell that them to stop.

· Release: Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Clara corner Marcus and knock him out. They drag him to Clara ’s coat closet and lock him with a chair against the door.

· Creepy Moment: Carmel begins scratching her arm then begins acting strangely, acting out and contorting, eyes changing color. Something is pulling at her arms as she falls to the floor.

· Tension: The storm becomes increasingly frantic outside, branches crashing into the window.

· Shock: The group holds Carmel down thinking it is a seizure.

· Suspense: Sybil stands by watching. She knows what is going on but knows revealing this could be disastrous for her.

· Tension: Sybil whispers something into Carmel’s ear but the others don’t notice this action.

· Release: Carmel becomes herself again and tells the group about the Care Center.

· Surprise: Carmel tells the group that Sybil knows about the Care Center and ask why she didn’t warn them.

· Shock: During Clara’s trance/seizure, the Care Center revealed their presence and that Sybil was not the killer but knows who is.

The group is divided about what to do with Sybil. Sybil verbally defends her with a sanitized version of who the Care Center is and her relationship with Carras.

· Fear: Sybil tells the group the Care Center can cause physical injuries as well as psychic injuries through bringing your past back as a vision during an unstable emotional state.

· Apprehension: Clara, Ogilvy, and Lily look at each other. They have experienced the visions. They agree to all stick together since they think Marcus is the killer.

22. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: Coach Ogilvy remembers an old family hex to ward off bad omens, suggests finding the botany lab for flowers and herbs. Everyone sticks together and heads to the lab.

· Suspense: Terrane is hesitant to enter the lab, Sybil is suspicious. She didn’t tell the group that the Care Center members are forced to reveal their human form if exposed to the right herbs.

· Apprehension: Sybil thinks Terrance is from the Care Center, but he does enter the lab.

· Release: Sybil relaxes when Terrance enters the room. After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they head back to Marcus.

23. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Horror Situation: They open the closet and a woozy Marcus, cursing them out, is dragged out to the middle of the office.

· Suspense: The amulets are put around him. Ogilvy leads the incantation. Marcus starts moaning, groaning. They all think it is working.

· Release: Nothing happens. Marcus chastises them for being too loud and his head hurts.

· Monster Reveal: Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

24. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / HALLWAY – EVENING

Horror Situation: Sybil yells to run for the roof and takes the lead on getting the group to safety.

· Suspense: Except Lily runs the other direction down the hall and screams at the Terrance monster to come and get her.

· Tension: Lily has played a lot in the secret corners of the school and knew of another way to the roof and decided to use herself as a decoy.

· Shock: Sybil and Clara run towards her, and the Terrance monster knocks them back then disappears down the hall.

· Fear: Ogilvy follows them as they head in the direction that Lily ran. Potter hustles Miles and Chantel in the other direction to the roof.

25. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF – EVENING

Horror Situation: Sybil finds the Terrance monster cornering Lily. Her safety in in peril.

· Anguish: Lily is screaming, crying, and angry that Terrane killed her parents.

· Surprise: The Terrance monster looks momentarily confused.

· Panic: In that moment that the Terrance monster is confused, Sybil threw an amulet at him. He treats in pain.

· Suspense: She grabs Lily and they run up the stairs with Potter and Carmel to the roof.

Horror Situation: Everyone makes it to the roof and storm is raging, winds gusting uncontrollably.

· Apprehension: Potter pulls out LaPierre’s walkie talkie he picked up after LaPierre’s death, calls for help and the Sheriff’s Office picks up.

· Shock: The Terrance monster appears on the roof and sets his sights on the children.

· Apprehension: Clara protects the kids and steps in front of them while reaching in her pocket for an amulet and finds that it must have fell out.

· Suspense: Sybil steps up and tells the Terrance monster to take her and not the kids.

· Dread: Potter finds a crowbar in a toolbox bolted to the roof floor and comes up behind the Terrance monster to hit him.

· Shock: The Terrance monster turns around and hits Potter. Potter gets up and makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar, but the Terrance monster tossed him from the roof to his death.

Horror Situation: The Terrance monster turns back to the kids.

· Apprehension: Standing behind the kids and Clara is Ogilvy.

· Monster Reveal: Sybil sees Ogilvy’s hands grow large.

· Shock: Ogilvy was from the Care Center.

· Suspense: Sybil runs to stop Ogilvy from sneaking up on the kids.

· Horror: Clara sees the Terrance monster raising his arms to attack and throws herself on the Terrance monster; Clara’s intestines ripped from her. Clara sacrificed her soul for the kids.

· Dread: Clara did not know the Terrance monster was saving the kids and killing Ogilvy.

· Panic: The kids scream. Ogilvy laughs with delight. But the Terrance monster gets the last laugh.

Horror Situation: Sybil, Carmel, and Marcus watch in horror as the Terrance monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines.

· Surprise: Ogilvy transforms into Carras.

· Shock: The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides.

· The Carras monster fights back and unleashes his power at the last minute in a fit of survival.

· Horror: The Terrance monster returns to the Care Center by disappearing into a fog.

· Surprise: The Care Center has rules that need to be enforced; children are sacred and even the Care Center will defend the truly innocent against the Carras monster.

· Shock: No one is sure how long Ogilvy’s body is compromised. Ogilvy/Carras was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and should not be trusted.

· Dread: Sybil slowly realizes that the Care Center had more than one faction in operation – one that is trying to capture one of their own and another trying to cause chaos, mayhem, and death.

26. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF — DAWN

Release: As the sun comes up and military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety.

Creepy Moment: Sybil scratches her arm.

Dread: She knows you can run but you can’t hide from the Care Center but if Carras is gone, maybe it’s over. She climbs into the military vehicle.

Release: Miles and Chantel run to their parents’ arms. They start excitedly telling them about the evening’s event except they can’t seem to remember a lot of it.

Anguish: Marcus shows a lot less hubris upon his rescue.

Release: Lily sits next to Carmel when the load into the military vehicle. Lily does remember all of the events. She grows to believe that not all evil is totally evil. She squeezes Carmel’s hand. Carmel smiles at her.

Creepy Moment: Carmel scratches her arm. She tells Lily that she is a warrior even if she wasn’t born one, she could become one. Then Carmel turns to look out the window and her eyes disappear.

27. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING – DAWN

The interior of the school shows the dead victim’s bodies intact, and authorities discussing a poison food outbreak must have killed them.

None of the bodies show the horrific injuries they suffered.

The Care Center covers its tracks and no one in the school will remember any of the horrors; only Sybil, Lily, and Carmel will remember.

Creepy Moment: The last shot is of all of them sitting together scratching their arms.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

It is an amazing process to take a scene and layer it with more elements until you have a cycle of emotions that can draw your audience in.

Use the Scary-As-Hell scene process to create the Horror Map.

Anxiety: As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group were uneasy.

Fear: A clashing sound of metal hitting the ground causes the group to jump.

Release: A distracted volunteer moving a push cart with kitchen pots and the pots fell off. The group is relieved and some very annoyed with the noise.

Suspense: Branches and debris hits the boarded windows. Evacuees are looking around. The lights flicker but stay on. The sounds are cavernous in the large cafeteria. Miles and Chantel look nervous.

Release: Clara gives Miles and Chantel a book and suggests she reads to them to take their mind off the chaos outside.

Dread: As Clara reads to Miles and Chantel, her mind wanders, and she feels like she is outside of herself.

Release: Marie interrupts Clara trance with a sarcastic remark about playing games when there was work to be done. Marie gives her an exasperated look. With Marie’s back turned, Clara does a twirl of her finger for the universal symbol of crazy. The kids giggle.

Panic: Marie, Potter, and Carmel all start to feel dizzy and unwell. They are in the cafeteria in different areas when they immediately need to sit down. Their thoughts are becoming jumbled and eerie.

Once you have the Horror Map, write the scene.

As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group were uneasy. This was on ordinary hurricane and the increasingly volatile weather was causing anxiety to rise in the people housed in the cafeteria.

A clashing sound of metal hitting the ground causes the group to jump. A distracted volunteer moving a push cart with kitchen pots and the pots fell off. The group is relieved and some very annoyed with the noise. A distracted volunteer moving a push cart with kitchen pots and the pots fell off. The group is relieved and some very annoyed with the noise.

Branches and debris hits the boarded windows. Evacuees are looking around. The lights flicker but stay on. The sounds are cavernous in the large cafeteria. Miles and Chantel look nervous. Clara gives Miles and Chantel a book and suggests she reads to them to take their mind off the chaos outside. As Clara reads to Miles and Chantel, her mind wanders, and she feels like she is outside of herself.

Marie interrupts Clara trance with a sarcastic remark about playing games when there was work to be done. Marie gives her an exasperated look. With Marie’s back turned, Clara does a twirl of her finger for the universal symbol of crazy. The kids giggle. Marie continues reading and finds herself slipping back into her trance.

Marie, Potter, and Carmel all start to feel dizzy and unwell. They are in the cafeteria in different areas when they immediately need to sit down. Their thoughts are becoming jumbled and eerie.

As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group experience specific and personal reliving of traumas in their past. Clara hears the screams of students at the last school she worked during an active shooting. Marie experiences realistic memories of bullying as a 5th grader at the same school 20 years ago. Potter sees visions of his alcoholic father in a rage. Carmel sees herself as a teenager alone in her room after the high school football captain stood her up for prom. She begins scratching her arm while in the trance.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Peppering in scares, releases, and creepy moments makes the scene jump and come to life. I really enjoyed thinking through this exercise and intentionally adding more spark to the scene.

Write a scene that uses scares, releases, and creepy moments.

Pick a scene from anyplace in your script that could use these three horror moments.

Create an OUTLINE of that scene and build in a scare, release, and a creepy moments.

Write the scene.

SCARES: The children, Lily, Miles, and Chantel, play hide and seek in the school back corridors where storage, janitorial closets and rooms are. Lights flicker as the electricity lines are under stress from the hurricane. Lily hides behind locker. The flickering lights causing ominous shadows on the concrete walls. She sees a shadow that looks like it is coming towards her. The lights go out completely leaving Lily in the dark.

RELEASES: The lights come back on Miles is standing in front her. He yells “Found you!” Lily is startled and Miles and Chantel are laughing hysterically.

CREEPY MOMENTS: Lily finds her parents, Jacob and Jill in the cleaning closet. Eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them. Lily screams.

SCENE

Jacob and Jill try to take advantage of the chaos to pilfer electronics from the media room. They load up laptops and chargers into their backpacks and plan to hide them in the janitorial closet for safe keeping. Jacob and Jill think it will be an easy place to retrieve the goods from but if the computers are found, the janitor, Potter, would be blamed.

Lily, Miles and Chantel occupy themselves with a game of hide and seek in the school’s back corridors where storage, janitorial closets, and rooms are. Lights flicker as the electricity lines are under stress from the hurricane. Chantel hides behind locker. The flickering lights causing ominous shadows on the concrete walls. She sees a shadow that looks like it is coming towards her. The lights go out completely leaving Lily in the dark. The lights come back on Miles is standing in front her. He yells “Found you!” Chantel is startled and Miles and Lily are laughing hysterically.

The start the game over again. This time Lily hides. She decides to hide in the janitor’s closet. The hall is still very dark. She opens the door and backs in with her hand on the door knob, the door cracked so she can see hear any movement in the halls from Miles and Chantel.

As Lily crouches down, she loses her balance and falls backward on a lump. Her first thought is that Miles and Chantel heard her. She gets on her feet and kicks the lump. She feels around and grabs hold of the chain that would turn on the single light bulb in the closet. Slowly, she pulls the cloth back from the lump and finds a grizzly surprise. Her parents, Jacob and Jill are in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them. Lily screams.

Clara pulls Lily away and shields her from the carnage. Lily mumbles that her parents warned her about this.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Interesting exercise to layer more action and details to a scene.

Look through your Act 3 scenes and pick one that you would like to write through all four emotions.

The remaining survivors open the closet and a woozy Marcus, cursing them out, is dragged by his feet to the middle of the office. The amulets placed around him. Ogilvy leads the incantation. Marcus starts moaning, groaning. They think it’s working. Nothing happens. Marcus chastises them for being too loud, his head hurts.

Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

Sybil yells to run for the roof and takes the lead. Except young Lily runs the other direction down the hall and screams at the Terrance monster to come and get her. Lily has played a lot in the secret corners of the school and knew of another way to the roof and decided to use herself as a decoy. Sybil and Clara run towards her, and the Terrance monster turns and gives them a sinister look stopping them in their tracks. He disappears down the hall. Ogilvy follows them as they head in the direction that Lily ran. Potter hustles the children, Miles and Chantel, in the other direction to the roof.

Sybil finds the Terrance monster cornering Lily and Lily is screaming, crying. Her tears are from anger that this monster killed her parents. The Terrance monster for a second looked confused. In that moment, Sybil threw an amulet at him. He treats in pain. She grabs Lily and they run up the stairs with Ogilvy and Carmel to the roof.

The storm is raging, winds gusting uncontrollably. Potter pulls out LaPierre’s walkie talkie. He forgot he picked it up. He starts calling for help. The Sheriff’s Office picks up. Just as he is telling them what is happing, the Terrance monster was down but not out. He appears on the roof and sets his sights on the children.

Clara goes into protective mode and steps in front of the kids. She reaches in her pocket for an amulet and finds that it must have fallen out. Sybil and Carmel see this. Sybil steps up and demands the monster take her and not the kids. Potter finds a crowbar in a toolbox bolted to the roof floor. Potter comes up behind the Terrance monster and hits him. The Terrance monster turns around and hits Potter. Potter gets up and makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar, but the Terrance monster tossed him from the roof to his death.

The Terrance monster turns back to the kids. Standing behind the kids and Clara is Ogilvy. It was then that Sybil saw Ogilvy’s hands grow large. He was a monster from the Care Center. Just as Sybil ran to stop Ogilvy from sneaking up on the kids, Clara sees the Terrance monster raising his arms to attack. She was ready to throws herself on the kids, not knowing the Terrance monster was trying to save the kids and kill Ogilvy. Clara’s intestines ripped out from her back. Clara sacrificed her soul for the kids. The kids scream in horror. Ogilvy laughs with delight. But the Terrance monster gets the last laugh.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Outlining the difference between fear, suspense, and dread makes a world of difference in creating a taunt scene that ramps up the anxiety.

Brainstorm the scene to emphasize the Level 2 emotions and write it.

Sybil and Carmel are talking and checking on the building to make sure it is secure. Lights flicker as the electricity is spotty as the storm rages outside. They both hear on the walkie talkie a sheriff deputy reminding the evacuation facilities to be on the lookout for a gang of looters causing mayhem at other evacuation facilities. Sybil and Carmel get worried. A window shatters as a branch crashes through it in a room up the hall. Deciding it was best to check the front doors, they stumble upon the exit doors locked with chains. Sybil and Carmel check all of the exit doors and find all of them chained.

Sybil and Carmel go back to the cafeteria to confront LaPierre. He denies giving the order to chain the door and blames it on Marie. Sybil and Carmel rush to find Marie who was in charge of securing the gym.

The enter the gym. It’s dark and the sounds of branches thumping the boarded windows rings throughout. The fine stream of light guides them to the electrical closet. They are unable to see much beyond the round glow of the flashlight, complaining about the absurdity of locking everyone in regardless of the potential for looting. Sybil flips the breaker and from inside the room they can see a set of lights on the far-right wall come on. As they walk back into the gym, they see a terrible sight and begin to scream.

Marie is found in the gym facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream. She is the key holder of the chains and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the keys.

Several people in the cafeteria hear the screams and come running. Upon seeing the body, Clara is upset and panicked but remains rational under the conditions. Sybil is confused and gets her phone out to call the police but there is no signal. Carmel appears overwhelmed and frightened by the sight of a dead body. Potter is dumbfounded and confused.

Coach Ogilvy comes from the locker room to see what the commotion is about. Sybil and Carmel demand to know how long he had been in the locker room and if he heard anything at all. When he sees what happened to Marie, he appears visibly upset but Sybil and Carmel are wondering how he didn’t hear anything. Ogilvy snaps back as to why Sybil and Carmel hadn’t noticed the deceased Marie when they walked into the gym.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

An outline is useful to creating a broader narrative and filling in details that add context and suspense.

Apprehension: Strong winds howl, trees and branches flail wildly in the gusting winds, a young women runs directionless in the swamp

Surprise: A church is usually a haven, but this church has an alter filled with hoodoo objects

Shock: The church doors are breached. Demon figures enter the church. Sybil is in great danger and about to be killed or worse from the demons. A priest intervenes and is dragged to the underworld.

First draft:

As Sybil flees through the back swamps of the Bayou Chene, branches rustle and fierce winds surround her. In a bid to escape and find shelter, she heads towards a desolate church building. Something tugs at her jacket knocking her to the ground. Muddy and drenched, her feet squishing through the soft earth, she makes it to the church and slams the door behind her, locking the iron bolt firmly.

Sybil approached the church alter and realized with horror at the alter was herbs, amulets, and dolls in the same configuration of the brand that her ex-fiancé had on his right arm. The same ex-fiancé who tried to kill her. She has a flash back montage in her mind of the relationship from its start to its terrifying moment he started to change his personality.

Sybil’s pursuer pushes at the door, the rattling startling her. Just as she thinks she is safe inside the walls of a sacred space, her pursuer breeches the church confines, his large hand coming through the wooden door. His entire being comes through along with three other beings and Sybil is in shock and extreme fear. All of the pursuers surround Sybil, they begin to grab at her arms and legs, Sybil screaming in hysteria.

Just as the pursuers with no eyes begin pulling at her with their extreme large hands, arms joints bulging, Sybil screaming in pain, a loud screech comes from the back of the church. The church priest is standing at the back of the church and starts speaking an incantation, swinging his rosary towards them. The pursuers are defeated but the priest lost his soul, his eyes disappearing.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned is…?

Transforming the pieces into a story that flows was eye opening. It shows where the idea can start to take shape and become a living, breathing work where tension and mood can be created.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>EXT – BAYOU CHENE SWAMP / CHURCH — NIGHT

As Sybil flees through the back swamps of the Bayou Chene, branches rustle and fierce winds surround her. In a bid to escape and find shelter, she heads towards a desolate church building. Something tugs at her jacket knocking her to the ground. Muddy and drenched, her feet squishing through the soft earth, she makes it to the church and slams the door behind her, locking the iron bolt firmly.

Sybil approached the church alter and realized with horror at the alter was herbs, amulets, and dolls in the same configuration of the brand that her ex-fiancé had on his right arm. The same ex-fiancé who tried to kill her. She has a flash back montage in her mind of the relationship from its start to its terrifying moment he started to change his personality.

Sybil’s pursuer pushes at the door, the rattling startling her. Just as she thinks she is safe inside the walls of a sacred space, her pursuer breeches the church confines, his large hand coming through the wooden door. His entire being comes through along with three other beings and Sybil is in shock and extreme fear. All of the pursuers surround Sybil, they begin to grab at her arms and legs, Sybil screaming in hysteria.

Just as the pursuers with no eyes begin pulling at her with their extreme large hands, arms joints bulging, Sybil screaming in pain, a loud screech comes from the back of the church. The church priest is standing at the back of the church and starts speaking an incantation, swinging his rosary towards them. The pursuers are defeated but the priest lost his soul, his eyes disappearing.

EXT – CATAHOULA PARISH / JEAN LAFFITE ELEMENTARY LOADING DOCK — DAY

10 Years Later:

Terrance drives into the Jean Laffite Elementary parking lot in his Crescent City Foods van to make his last delivery to the school vending machines. He looks into the rearview mirror, stone faced, and when he gets out of the van, his personality immediately changes to affable and smiles as he unloads his hand cart and waves to the cafeteria staff who opened the back loading dock for him.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — DAY

News accounts warn the public of a fast approaching, dangerous approaching storm, Hurricane Imogene. Teachers and staff are finishing the school day. Sybil, French teacher, is looking out at the parking lot of activity. School buses are pulling in for the end of the day to bring students home. She watches as a van pulls into the lot and heads towards the dock around the back of the school.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY

Carmel Washington is talking to her 5^th grade students about reading during the hurricane if electricity goes out as a calming technique. Lily Thibodeaux, Miles and Chantel Pally are in the classroom. Clara Knox, school psychologist, lets the class know that if they are anxious about the storm, they can talk to her at any time.

Clara takes Miles and Chantel aside to let them know their parents are driving in from Mississippi so they will have to stay at the school until they arrive. Chantel & Miles believe their parents will come to get them soon, so they are not worried.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY

Principal LaPierre sees Carmel Washington, teacher’s assistant, walking past his office. He makes a bee line to talk to her. He asks if she is staying to help with the evacuation center and she says no. LaPierre implies that he will scratch her back if she scratches his with romantic favors, he will make sure she gets the open teaching position. Carmel loves the students and wants the job but not at those costs.

However, she thinks that staying to man the evacuation center can be useful in her application, so she changes her mind and let LaPierre know she only wants to help the community by deciding to stay. Carmel believes the storm is dangerous but willing to stay in an uncomfortable situation.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL OFFICE — DAY

Marie Slope, school secretary, is on the phone gossiping with her mother about possibly staying for the hurricane and that she plans on confronting Principal LaPierre about his inappropriate behavior and blackmailing him for a raise.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM — DAY

Coach Ogilvy is giving the football team a pep talk about being heroes during the hurricane. Helping neighbors and being pillars of the community during this time. They huddle for prayer, and he dismisses them and heads toward the teacher’s lounge.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / TEACHER’S LOUNGE — DAY

Principal LaPierre is speaking to the teachers and staff in the teachers lounge. He announces that the school is designated as an evacuation center. Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, and Marie agree to stay and man the school. Principal LaPierre has been through hurricanes his whole life, and this is just one more, nothing to worry about but the school is obligated to be available. Coach Ogilvy tells the group the storm is a mountain out of a mole hill.

Many of the teachers are not staying to man the evacuation. In this area, folks are known for taking care of their own and waiting out a storm rather than running from it which is what they deem the evacuation center to be.

Marcus Pitney, math teacher, excuses himself while LaPierre goes over the strategy for manning the evacuation center. His cellphone is vibrating. He goes to the hallway to answer it. He becomes visibly upset while talking to an LSU math department head and starts to berate the department head not awarding him the job he interviewed for.

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — DAY

Potter, world weary janitor, is putting up boards on the windows in the gym. It is the last of the windows that needed to be boarded up.

EXT – TRAILER PARK IN CATAHOULA / THIBODEAUX TRAILER — DAY

Jacob and Jill watch the news and roll a joint and determine if getting locked in the school could be an economic windfall for them. They fill backpacks with a few essentials and set out to walk to the school, they don’t own a car, to show up at the school before the doors close to evacuees. Jacob & Jill are not concerned with the hurricane threat. Their single focus is stealing electronics from the new media center and getting out during the worst of the storm.

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

A small group stay at the school for their own various and mysterious reasons, but most are not concerned about the severity of the storm. Terrance fills the last of the vending machines and finds Marie in the school office to sign the invoice. Terrance believes the storm is just a storm. Marcus enters the office in a foul mood. He butts into the conversation. Marcus thinks everyone is overacting to the storm and that an evacuation center is a stupid idea. He plans to go home, and losers can stay behind.

EXT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL PARKING LOT – EVENING

Storm clouds are forming. Lightening fills the sky. Branches in the tree start breaking off as if something is pushing through the tree line. Parking lot lights flicker then go dark just as Jacob and Jill make it to the front door of the school.

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CAFETRIA – EVENING

LaPierre gets a call on his walkie talkie regarding looters who have attacked two evacuation centers so far. State Police tell him to be on the look out and report any suspicious activity, but he may be on his own.

A handful of people showed up but with the weather becoming increasingly worse, no one has appeared in the past hour.

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / AROUND THE SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING

Marcus runs through the pouring onslaught of rain to get to his car at the edge of the lot but as he approaches it, a tree on the perimeter of the lot falls on his car. He heads back to the school.

LaPierre is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut and gives the key to Marie. The windows are nailed with thick boards and industrial nails making an easy escape not possible.

As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group experience specific and personal reliving of traumas in their past. Clara hears the screams of students at the last school she worked during an active shooting. Marie experiences realistic memories of being bullied as a 5^th grader at the same school 20 years ago. Potter sees visions of his alcoholic father in a rage. Carmel sees herself as a teenager alone in her room after the high school football captain stood her up for prom. She begins scratching her arm while in the trance.

The being is revealing itself by inducing those affected by its power to experience disorienting thoughts and recurring tragic or frightening memories to disarm them and make them more pliable to its infiltration. The group experiencing the memories start to feel jumpy and agitated in a way that unsettles the rest of the crew.

Terrance shows up in the cafeteria. LaPierre wants to know why he is still there. Terrance laments that he didn’t close the door on the van all the way and his battery is dead. He’ll have to wait until the storm subsides for the auto club to come with a new battery and the weather is too severe to try to leave anyway.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — EVENING

Sybil and Carmel are talking and checking on the building to make sure it is secure. They stumble upon the exit doors with chains. The enter the gym and scream in shock and terror.

The first horror appears with the death of Marie. She is the key holder of the chains and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the key. Marie is found in the gym facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.

Several people in the cafeteria hear the screams and come running. Upon seeing the body, Clara is upset and panicked but remains rational under the conditions. Sybil is confused and gets her phone out to call the police but is getting no signal. Carmel appears overwhelmed and frightened by the sight of a dead body. Potter is dumbfounded and confused by a dead body in the gym. Coach Ogilvy comes from the locker room to see what the commotion is about. When he sees what happened to Marie, he kicks into gear with a game plan to keep the remaining people safe.

Marcus and Terrance come in late to the proceedings. Marcus’s tough guy arrogant personality shows fear and his pathetic attempts at trying to take charge are underwhelming. Principal LaPierre is uncharacteristically quiet but relieved that his blackmailer is dead until he remembers she has the code to the safe with the keys.

Jacob & Jill stand just outside the gym listening to the discovery, worried that one of the people in the school is one of the criminals they associate with trying to muscle in on their grift. They figure out a plan to steal the electronics and hide them until they can make a break for it.

Lily tries to look through the crowd to see what is going on. Miles and Chantel also come to see the commotion. Clara sees this and goes to them and moves them back down the hall away from the carnage. Jacob and Jill are not paying any attention to their daughter potentially seeing this grizzly sight.

Lily’s is fearful and panicked like when her parents fight and drink. Lily tells Clara she thinks the monster who did this is one that her parents would tell her about when she asked to many questions about their ‘business’. Miles and Chantel are worried and asking when their parents will be coming to get them.

Carmel and Sybil mention the chains on the door and ask who has the key to unlock them. LaPierre admits that Marie had the key, and he doesn’t have the code to the safe to retrieve it. Potter states

the boards secured to the brick walls with industrial strength nails will not easy to remove. They must think of another way out.

Clara returns to the group and logically thinks that one of the remaining people at the school is dangerous. It isn’t safe to go outside in the storm, but it isn’t safe to stay in the building. The remaining group is scared and panicking.

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / LAPIERRE OFFICE — EVENING

Carmel, Clara, LaPierre, Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Terrance convene in LaPierre’s office. Since they don’t know who the killer is and there are some outsiders in their midst, they want to keep strategy to a smaller group. However, finger-pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.

Sybil let’s dominate personalities take over as she starts to think that Marie’s death looks eerily familiar. LaPierre tries to exercise authority but is outshined by Coach Ogilvy.

Marcus finds the others in the office and is angry that he wasn’t included. Marcus’s fear switches to over-the-top behavior that alienates some in the group, others are willing to go with his ideas since he is so adamant, and this causes the rifts and factions in the group to unfold. Some are drawn to Coach Ogilvy ability to come up with a strategy.

Jacob and Jill are keeping tabs on the conversation and decide they may need to thwart Coach Ogilvy’s plans and start thinking of ways to undermine his leadership and get Marcus in control.

Sybil, Carmel, Clara, and Potter are clearly in Ogilvy’s camp. Ogilvy is open to Potter’s steady and solid approach with ideas of how to get out of this. Clara has gained their trust but not Jacob and Jill as they are not thrilled with the influence she has over Lily.

Jacob and Jill, and Terrance are leaning towards Marcus. LaPierre grudgingly sides with Marcus but only because he thinks he can regain power over his faction. The say terrible things about the other group and imply that team Ogilvy can keep Carmel since they see her as week and a detriment to survival.

The heightened fear causes factions to break away for the rest of the group making it easier for the Care Center to target them but more difficult for anyone to know who a danger is and who is going to be helpful.

The being can cause paranoia in its targets and cause a very real human reaction of making poor judgements and dividing the group physically and emotionally from one another

INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / CAFETERIA — EVENING

Lily, Miles, and Chantel wait in the cafeteria. Lily needs reassurance and comfort from Clara, not her parents. Chantel & Miles feel lost and alone and think the adults only see them as another thing to worry about be responsible for.

INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / MEDIA CENTER – EVENING

Jacob and Jill try to take advantage of the chaos to pilfer electronics from the media room. They load up laptops and chargers into their backpacks and plan to hide them in the janitorial closet for safe keeping. Jacob and Jill think it will be an easy place to retrieve the goods from but if the computers are found, Potter would be blamed.

Lily, Miles and Chantel occupy themselves with a game of hide and seek in the school. Lily decides to hide in the janitor’s closet and finds a grizzly surprise. Her parents, Jacob and Jill are found in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them. Lily screams. Clara, Sybil, Carmel, Ogilvy, Marcus, Potter, Terrence, and LaPierre come running.

Clara pulls Lily away and shields her from the carnage. Lily mumbles that her parents warned her about this.

Sybil secretly knows the configuration looks familiar to the one she saw in the church ten years ago.

The remaining people who see Jacob and Jill are extremely worried. Dissent is beginning to grow. LaPierre fight complains this is his school and tries to bully the rest into leaving into the dangerous weather on a school bus. LaPierre storms off to his office and challenges anyone who wants to leave to come with him. Marcus goes with him. Terrance volunteers to corral the people in the cafeteria and keep them away from the bodies and avoid mass panic and get them on the buses.

Jacob and Jill are covered with an extra tarp in the closet.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Clara leads the kids and Sybil, Carmel, Potter, and Ogilvy to her office. The kids are put in the corner with toys to calm them down. The adults move to the opposite corner to whisper about next steps.

They agree that someone in the school is a killer. The evacuees in the cafeteria have been there the whole time so it can’t be one of them. Has to be someone connected to the school.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / POOL – EVENING

LaPierre talks with Terrance and Marcus. The evacuees are getting ready to go in the cafeteria. LaPierre says he will get floatation devices from the pool just in case the buses get in trouble. Sheriff’s Office comes on the walkie talkie and advises listeners on channel 1 to stay put stating the storm is potentially lethal, flooding is widespread. LaPierre decides he will be the one to lead all of them to the safety of the school auditorium in the next parish.

When LaPierre enters the equipment closet, he finds all of the floatation devices with cuts and shreds in them. Confused and angry, he slams the door closed. Walking along the perimeter of the pool, he scratches his arm. He stops in his tracks and see a disturbing image. It is the tears and pain in a woman he raped 20 years ago. A memory he used to see as a mutual experience and only now sees the violation and unforgivable behavior he exhibited. Heaving, he grabs his chest. Looking down he sees his intestines dangling to the floor. He tries to run and gasps for air. Stumbling along the pool edge, he can’t see because his eyes are gone. He falls into the water and dies.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Terrance come running into Clara’s office. Clara cuts him off at the door demanding he leave. Terrance, out of breath, says LaPierre was found dead in the bloody pool water. He doesn’t give any more details before everyone, but Carmel leaves the office. Carmel stays with the kids.

After locking the pool so that no one would find LaPierre, Clara’s faction and the rest of LaPierre’s faction return to Clara’s office.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

The group argues among themselves as to who is doing this. Both factions believe it is someone connected to the school. Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group. Marcus becomes enraged and picks up a baseball bat from the toy chest and goes after Ogilvy. A scuffle breaks out. The kids run behind the desk. The others move out the way and yell that them to stop. Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Clara corner Marcus and knock him out. They drag him to Clara ’s coat closet and lock him with a chair against the door.

Carmel begins scratching her arm then begins acting strangely, acting out and contorting, eyes changing color. Something is pulling at her arms as she falls to the floor. The storm becomes increasingly frantic outside, branches crashing into the window. The group is trying to hold her down thinking it is a seizure.

Sybil stands by watching. She knows what is going on but knows revealing this could be disastrous for her. Sybil leans in and whispers into Carmel’s ear the word she remembers the priest who saved her used – Ouanga. The others don’t notice that she whispered in her ear. They are all rushing around covering the window and holding Carmel’s legs.

Carmel becomes herself again. She is able to tell the group about the Care Center. Then she turns very pointedly to Sybil and ask why she didn’t warn them. Shocked, the remaining group is divided about how Sybil plays into this.

Sybil tries to defend her with a sanitized version of who the Care Center is, but she doesn’t tell them they want her because of Carras. She tells them the Care Center can cause physical injuries as well as psychic injuries through bringing your past back as a vision. Clara, Ogilvy, and Lily look at each other. They have experienced the visions.

They agree to all stick together since they think Marcus is the killer.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

Coach Ogilvy remembers an old family hex to ward off bad omens and suggests finding the botany lab to secure some flowers and herbs to get started. Everyone heads to the lab thinking it would also be better to stay together.

Once they get there everyone goes in but Terrance. He looks hesitant. Sybil eyes him suspiciously. She didn’t tell the group that the Care Center would be forced to reveal their true form if they were exposed to the right mix of herbs which triggers Sybil to think he is from the Care Center. But he does enter the lab.

After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they head back to Marcus.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING

They open the closet and a woozy Marcus, cursing them out, is dragged out to the middle of the office. The amulets are put around him. Ogilvy leads the incantation. Marcus starts moaning, groaning. They all think it is working. Nothing happens. Marcus chastises them for being too loud and his head hurts.

Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / HALLWAY – EVENING

Sybil yells to run for the roof and takes the lead. Except Lily runs the other direction down the hall and screams at the Terrance monster to come and get her. Lily has played a lot in the secret corners of the school and knew of another way to the roof and decided to use herself as a decoy. Sybil and Clara run towards her, and the Terrance monster knocks them back then disappears down the hall. Ogilvy follows them as they head in the direction that Lily ran. Potter hustles Miles and Chantel in the other direction to the roof.

EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF – EVENING

Sybil finds the Terrance monster cornering Lily and Lily is screaming, crying, and angry that he took her parents. The Terrance monster for a second looked confused. In that moment, Sybil threw an amulet at him. He treats in pain. She grabs Lily and they run up the stairs with Potter and Carmel to the roof.

Everyone makes it to the roof and storm is raging, winds gusting uncontrollably. Potter pulls out LaPierre’s walkie talkie. He forgot he picked it up. He starts calling for help. The Sheriff’s Office picks up. Just as he is telling them what is happing, the Terrance monster was down but not out. He appears on the roof and sets his sights on the children.

Clara goes into protective mode with the kids and steps in front of them. She reaches in her pocket for an amulet and finds that it must have fell out. Sybil and Carmel see this. Sybil steps up and says to take her and not the kids. Potter finds a crowbar in a toolbox bolted to the roof floor. Potter comes up behind the Terrance monster and hits him. The Terrance monster turns around and hits Potter. Potter gets up and makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar, but the Terrance monster tossed him from the roof to his death.

The Terrance monster turns back to the kids. Standing behind the kids and Clara is Ogilvy. It was then that Sybil saw his hands grow large. Ogilvy was from the Care Center. Just as Sybil ran to stop him from sneaking up on the kids, Clara sees the Terrance monster raising his arms to attack and throws herself on him, not knowing the Terrance monster was actually going to save the kids and kill Ogilvy. Clara’s intestines are ripped from her. Clara sacrificed her soul for the kids. The kids scream in horror. Ogilvy laughs with delight. But the Terrance monster gets the last laugh.

Sybil, Carmel, and Marcus watch in horror as the Terrance monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines. Ogilvy transforms into Carras. The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides. Clara steps in front and sacrifices herself.

Ogilvy fighst back and unleashes his power at the last minute in a fit of survival.

The Terrance monster returns to the Care Center by disappearing into a fog. Even the Care Center has rules that need to be enforced. That children are sacred and even the Care Center will defend the truly innocent.

No one is sure how long Ogilvy’s body was compromised. He was wolf in sheep’s clothing and should not have been trusted. Sybil slowly realizes that the Care Center had more than one faction in operation – one that is trying to capture one of their own and another trying to cause chaos, mayhem, and death.

EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF — DAWN

As the sun comes up and military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety, Sybil scratches her arm. She knows you can run but you can’t hide from the Care Center but if Carras is gone, maybe it’s over. She climbs into the military vehicle.

Miles and Chantel run to their parents’ arms. They start excitedly telling them about the evening’s event except they can’t seem to remember a lot of it.

Marcus shows a lot less hubris upon his rescue.

Lily sits next to Carmel when the load into the military vehicle. Lily does remember all of the events. She grows to believe that not all evil is totally evil. She squeezes Carmel’s hand. Carmel smiles at her. She scratches her arm. She tells Lily that she is a warrior even if she wasn’t born one, she could become one. Then Carmel turns to look out the window and her eyes disappear.

INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING – DAWN

The interior of the school will show all of the dead victims intact, and authorities discussing a poison food outbreak must have killed them. None of the bodies show the horrific injuries they suffered. The Care Center covers its tracks and soon no one in the school remembers any of the horrors. Only Sybil, Lily, and Carmel remember. The last shot is of all of them sitting together scratching their arms.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Subject line: Pamela’s Character Journey Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Plugging characters into a profile is a great exercise but it is challenging and takes time to think through. It was worth the extra time to start understanding the motivation of my characters and if they make sense at all.

Sybil’s Character Profile

Role:
Protagonist who is the gateway to the horror
Traits:
cautious, introspective, alert
Fears:
exposing her secrets, emotional closeness
Wants/Needs:
calm environment, solitude
Likability
/ Rooting factors: smart, tries to make decision that benefit the group
How they
react under stress: takes charge but also works with the team
Relationship
with other characters: some trust her and some don’t

Sybil’s Character Journey for this story

Character
Intro: Chased through the woods to her presumed death
Denial:
She was rid of her past with Carras
Their
reaction at first horror: confusion, anxiety, not sure what it is or what
to do
Relation
to group after first horror: let’s dominate personalities take over
How they
fight back: shares what she knows about Carras and her past interaction to
find a solution
End Point:
Care Center takes Carras away and she finds relief in believing he is gone
for good
What
insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? You
can’t run or hide from your past and need to face it head on

Marie Slope’s Character Profile

1. Role: obstacle to making decisions, sometimes steering the group to the wrong decisions, one of the causes of the group fracturing

3. Fears: not being center of attention, not being heard

4. Wants/Needs: to control others and make herself feel like a leader to mask her self- esteem issues

5. Likability / Rooting factors: loud, annoying, but her esteem issues make her somewhat sympathetic

6. How they react under stress: freaks out and is very emotional

7. Relationship with other characters: Clara understands her the most given her psychology background, the others find her drama unhelpful and somewhat dangerous to the task at hand

Marie Slope’s Character Journey for this story?

1. Character Intro: as a member of the volunteers willing to stay and man the evacuation center

2. Denial: she calls bull on a murder and thinks its supernatural from the beginning

3. Their reaction at first horror: hysterical

4. Relation to group after first horror: her over the top behavior has alienated some in the group, others are willing to go with her ideas since she is so adamant and this causes the rifts and factions in the group to unfold

5. How they fight back: seeks out the danger to see if she can commune with it and get it on her side

6. End Point: the Care Center does away with her

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? She might have been right about the threat but her behavior caused some in the group to reject her and the threat could have been neutralized earlier if others could have listened to her

Jacob & Jill Thibodeaux’s Character Profile

1. Role: antagonists with a hidden agenda to exploit the hurricane chaos

2. Traits: poor judgement, erratic, insensitive, bullying to some, threatening to others

3. Fears: getting caught in their scheme

4. Wants/Needs: easy way to make a living

5. Likability / Rooting factors: not many other than comic relief

6. How they react under stress: avoid helping and leave if they can and run to safety

7. Relationship with other characters: only character that cares for them is Lily, Clara stills thinks she can help turn their lives around

Jacob & Jill Thibodeaux Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: show up at the school before the doors close

2. Denial: they are not concerned with the threat, single focus on stealing electronics and getting out during the worst of the storm

3. Their reaction at first horror: run and hide thinking it may be one of the criminals they know also trying to steal the electronics

4. Relation to group after first horror: they distance themselves from the group with their behavior and this begins the division of the groups that will make it easier for the Care Center and Carras to start killing them

5. How they fight back: try to strike a bargain with who they think is the killer

6. End Point: die together at the hands of Carras

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Lily might be better off without them

Lily Thibodeaux Character Profile

1. Role: innocent that needs protecting

2. Traits: quiet, pensive, uneasy, street smart

3. Fears: chaos, insecurity

4. Wants/Needs: safety, security, emotional warmth

5. Likability / Rooting factors: smart, mentally strong

6. How they react under stress: curious

7. Relationship with other characters: evokes a protectiveness in the adult characters

Lily Thibodeaux Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: In Carmel’s classroom

2. Denial: thinks the monster is one that her parents would tell her to keep her from snooping too much into their illegal dealings

3. Their reaction at first horror: fear, panic

4. Relation to group after first horror:

5. How they fight back: uses herself as a decoy to help the group

6. End Point: she lives and is hopeful even without her parents

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The evil is not totally evil

Clara Knox Character Profile

1. Role: pivotal character who anchors the children emotionally during the chaos

2. Traits: calm, intellectual, nurturing, curious

3. Fears: losing control of her emotions, letting others see she is vulnerable, reliving another school massacre

4. Wants/Needs: control over her fears of shutting down in a crisis, being a hero to the children

5. Likability / Rooting factors: kind, team player, thinks in smart ways

6. How they react under stress: shuts down for a few minutes but bounces back with solutions

7. Relationship with other characters: Jacob and Jill don’t like her for her influence over their daughter Lily, Sybil looks to her for answers, the rest like her but also have their own agenda so dismiss

Clara Knox Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: as a member of the volunteers willing to stay and man the evacuation center

2. Denial: she logically thinks that one of the remaining people at the school is dangerous

3. Their reaction at first horror: upset and panicked but has rational solutions to understand what is going on

4. Relation to group after first horror: she gains trust of most but is still not aligned with Jacob and Jill

5. How they fight back: protective mode with the kids and makes smart decisions to keep them out of harm’s way

6. End Point: sacrifices her soul for the kids

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? She is one that you thought would make it so it is a shock when she doesn’t

Potter Character Profile

1. Role: minor character to add muscle to the fight against the Care Center

2. Traits: Optimistic

3. Fears: death, dark emotions

4. Wants/Needs: to get home to take care of his alligator

5. Likability / Rooting factors: nice enough, not offensive

6. How they react under stress: disbelief

7. Relationship with other characters: most find him likable and helpful in the situation

Potter Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: Putting up the boards on the windows of the gym

2. Denial: wants to find a rational explanation as a science teacher

3. Their reaction at first horror: confusion

4. Relation to group after first horror: steady and solid approach with ideas of how to get a handle on the terror

5. How they fight back: using his brains

6. End Point: Falls from the roof a hero

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? No one is safe

Coach Ogilvy Character Profile

1. Role: rulebreaker and creative thinker

2. Traits: confident, commanding, natural leader, communicator

3. Fears: not finishing his mission

4. Wants/Needs: wants to be seen as the hero in the chaos

5. Likability / Rooting factors: appears to be a motivator, stabilizing demeanor

6. How they react under stress: overly helpful, very coach-y with pep talks

7. Relationship with other characters: some see him as bossy, most find calm in his leadership and cooperation

Coach Ogilvy Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: pep talk to his players before sending them home

2. Denial: tells the group the storm is a mountain out of a mole hill

3. Their reaction at first horror: believes a game plan or strategy can get them to safety

4. Relation to group after first horror: some are drawn to his ability to come up with a strategy, Jacob and Jill think he may thwart their plans so resist his leadership

5. How they fight back: singles out innocent group members, unleashes his power at the last minute to survive

6. End Point: Terrance skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? He was wolf in sheep’s clothing and should not have been trusted

Terrance Character Profile

1. Role: a sleeper agent for the Care Center

2. Traits: chatty and charismatic

3. Fears: he is part of the Care Center but his role is not known in the beginning

4. Wants/Needs: fulfill his mission

5. Likability / Rooting factors: he seems affable and concerned

6. How they react under stress: helpful, full of ideas

7. Relationship with other characters: supportive

Terrance Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: Driving into the parking lot of the school

2. Denial: the storm is just a storm is his reaction to the group

3. Their reaction at first horror: acts concerned but knows more than he is leading on

4. Relation to group after first horror: one of the group, not a threat

5. How they fight back: participate in plans to defeat the terror

6. End Point: Returns back to the Care Center by disappearing

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Even the Care Center has rules that need to be enforced

Carmel Washington Character Profile

1. Role: a warrior in the making

2. Traits: meek, quiet but when she speaks she has sage advice

3. Fears: unsure of her place in the world, insecure with her teaching career

4. Wants/Needs: to be more confident and true to herself

5. Likability / Rooting factors: a good person, non-threatening

6. How they react under stress: fearful, anxiety, nervous

7. Relationship with other characters: they silence her thinking she is weak, don’t listen to her in the beginning

Carmel Washington Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: Teaching in her classroom at the end of the day

2. Denial: believes the storm is dangerous but willing to stay in an uncomfortable situation for her personality

3. Their reaction at first horror: overwhelmed, frightened

4. Relation to group after first horror: others think she is too weak and will be a detriment to survival

5. How they fight back: puts herself in harms way to defeat the threat

6. End Point: she is one of the only ones left after the horrific night’s events

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Warriors can be made even if they are not born to it

Marcus Pitney Character Profile

1. Role: type A, detached onlooker

2. Traits: analytical, egoistical

3. Fears: looking stupid or not prepared

4. Wants/Needs: to be seen as an authority

5. Likability / Rooting factors: smart

6. How they react under stress: demanding

7. Relationship with other characters: most find him self centered

Marcus Pitney Character Journey for this story

1. Character Intro: on his cellphone talking to a LSU math department head berating him for not getting a job he interviewed for

2. Denial: thinks everyone is overacting to the storm and that an evacuation center is a stupid idea

3. Their reaction at first horror: shows is fear and is underwhelming in helping to figure out what is happening

4. Relation to group after first horror: ignore him and this bruises his ego and he stews about it

5. How they fight back: tries to take control as a way to manage his own fear

6. End Point: he makes it out but with a lot less hubris

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? He was a loud mouth but a coward in the end

Principal LaPierre Character Profile

1. Role: Power hungry and obsessed with control and keeping power

2. Traits: brash, insufferable

3. Fears: losing control over the people participating in the evacuation

4. Wants/Needs: to be seen as an authority which clashes with Marcus

5. Likability / Rooting factors: audience will root for him to die

6. How they react under stress: starts finger pointing and blaming random people

7. Relationship with other characters: rocky

Principal LaPierre Character Journey for this story?

1. Character Intro: he sees Carmel in the hall and makes an inappropriate suggestion about being locked in the school together

2. Denial: he has been through hurricanes his whole life and this is just one more, nothing to worry about

3. Their reaction at first horror: uncharacteristically quiet and fearful

4. Relation to group after first horror: ignore him in favor of Coach Ogilvy and Potter for guidance

5. How they fight back: complaining and bullying others into his way of combating the chaos

6. End Point: found in the swimming pool filled with blood instead of water

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Good riddance, he was a predator

Chantel & Miles Character Profile

1. Role: students, another potential innocent victim the group needs to protect

2. Traits: good students, polite, but a little rambunctious

3. Fears: not understanding all the death around them

4. Wants/Needs: to see their parents again, to play with their favorite video games

5. Likability / Rooting factors: fun, humorous, ability to see through the adults and their many issues

6. How they react under stress: a lot of questions about what is going on and if they will make it

7. Relationship with other characters: they want to protect them

Chantel & Miles Character Journey for this story?

1. Character Intro: sitting in Carmel’s classroom

2. Denial: believe their parents will come soon to get them

3. Their reaction at first horror: worry, panic, and anxiety

4. Relation to group after first horror: some see them as another thing to worry about, others feel responsible for their wellbeing

5. How they fight back: take direction from the adults but add their own ideas from video games to help

6. End Point: Clara sacrifices herself to save them

7. What
insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? That children
are sacred and even the Care Center and Terrance believe this

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Layering the reveal into the previous assignments gives a good indication of where more monster action or more distress needs to be added to the screenplay.

1. Create each part of this model:

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?

Powers
– inhabit the mind, control behavior of the individual
Limitations
– cannot enter children or individuals who are child like
Weaknesses
– certain incantations will reveal it and then it can be killed
Plan/Purpose/Appetite
– lustful and mercurial, Carras endeavors to cover up his relationship
with a mortal and is willing to kill her and anyone else to do it

B. Sequence the reveals.

· Care Center emerges in the first part of the story when Sybil escapes them 10 years prior

· A being is introduced after the school is locked down and kills Marie

· The group begins to think that the being is a part of one of them when some start experiencing weird thoughts and recurring memories in Act I

· A being, maybe Care Center maybe not, introduced when Jacob and Jill are killed and Principal LaPierre is found dead in Act II

· The group becomes more paranoid and singles out Marcus for persecution in Act III

· Something possess Carmel and the group knows that there is a being among them

· Terrance reveals himself to be a being from the Care Center and begins his assault on the remaining survivors

· When the main action recedes, Carmel finally shows the viewer she is one of the Care Center and camouflaged among the survivors

C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal.

2. Lay that over your current outline and fill in each clue/reveal using the tag “Monster Reveal:.”

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Sybil runs for her life in the back swamps of Louisiana

Horror Situation: What she is running from finds her in a desolate rural church. Closing and locking the door behind her before seeing the herbs, amulets, and roughly stitched sac cloth doll. She had run right directly into Carras, not away.

Monster Reveal: a powerful being is in pursuit and employs amulets, dolls, and herbs to overpower its prey

Reaction – Escape: Sybil is terrified but not surprised at what is coming for her. She passes out as the Care Center surrounds her, their eyes disappearing, and their large muscular hands pull at her arms.

Monster Reveal: it has a human like form that transforms itself, no eyes and enlarged hands used to subdue and possibly kill its prey

Horror Situation: A loud screech is heard, and the priest stands at the back of the church. The priest saves her but loses his soul.

Connect with the characters: 10 Years Later: Teachers and staff at a Louisiana elementary school are preparing for a hurricane and Sybil is a teacher at the school which is an evacuation center. The main core cast of teachers (Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, Marie, Marcus, and Principal LaPierre) agree to do it. Jacob and Jill watch the news and roll a joint and determine if getting locked in the school could be an economic windfall for them

The characters are warned not to do it: Many of the teachers are not staying to man the evacuation. In this area, folks are known for taking care of their own and waiting out a storm rather than running from it which is what they deem the evacuation center to be.

Denial of Horror: A small group stay at the school for their own various and mysterious reasons.

Safety taken away: The principal is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut. The windows are nailed with thick boards and industrial nails making an easy escape not possible.

Horror Situation: As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group experience very specific and personal reliving of traumas in their past.

Monster Reveal: The being can induce those affected by its power to experience disorienting thoughts and recurring tragic or frightening memories to disarm them and make them more pliable to its infiltration

Reaction – The members of the group experiencing the memories start to make them jumpy and agitated in a way that unsettles the rest of the crew.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Without the key to open the chains (the boards used industrial strength nails that secure into brick and concrete) they must think of another way out.

Horror Situation: The key holder if found dead and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the key. She is found facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.

Reaction: It isn’t safe to go outside in the storm but it isn’t safe to stay in the building. The remaining group is scared and panicking.

Horror Situation: Finger pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.

Reaction: The heightened fear causes factions to break away for the rest of the group making it easier for the Care Center to target them but more difficult for anyone to know who a danger is and who is going to be helpful.

Monster Reveal: The being can cause paranoia in its targets and cause a very real human reaction of making poor judgements and dividing the group physically and emotionally from one another

Horror Situation: the next victims as they try to take advantage of the chaos to pilfer electronics from the 2nd grade classroom. They are found in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll held between them

Character Death: The two are found in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll held between them. Principal LaPierre is found in the swimming pool filled with blood instead of water.

Monster Reveal: The being can cause physical injuries as well as psychic injuries.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group. The group (Sybil, Carmel, Ogilvy, Potter, Marie, and the children) locks him in a broom closet.

Horror Situation: Carmel begins acting strangely, acting out and contorting. Sybil remembers the priest who saved her said the word – Ouanga.

Reaction: Carmel becomes herself again. She is able to tell the group about the Care Center and then asks Sybil why she didn’t warn them. The remaining group is divided about how Sybil plays into this. Sybil tries to defend her standing by disclosing who the Care Center is, but she doesn’t tell them they want her because of Carras.

Horror Situation: After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they find Marcus in the closet and use it on him. Nothing happens. Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

Monster Reveal: Incantations with specific words can summon the being to reveal true form

Reaction: They make a run for the roof and into the storm. Terrance finds them and sets his sights on the children.

Horror Situation: Terrance finds them and sets his sights on the children. Marie steps in front and sacrifices herself. As it goes for Sybil and Carmel, Ogilvy taunts the monster and with word Ouanga but it doesn’t work this time. Ogilvy is knocked unconscious.

Character Death: Potter makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar but is tossed from the roof.

Monster Reveal: The being can interact physically with a mortal human and cause injury or death

Death returns to take one or more – The Care Center monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines. Ogilvy transforms into Carras. The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides.

Monster Reveal: The being has more than one faction in operation – one that is trying to secure another being and one trying to cause chaos, mayhem, and death

Resolution – as the sun comes up and military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety, Sybil believes it is over. Carmel has a look in her eyes as her eyes disappear.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Sorting out reasons why a character dies is an important exercise in building the terror and defining the horror in a way that moves the story along and makes me think about my own choices and if those choices truly serve the story I want to tell.

The order the characters will die in:

Character
Death 1: Marie Slope <div>

Why: In
denial – To initiate the terror and she complained a lot, very annoying

How: nailed
to a wall

<div>

Character
Death 2: Jacob Thibodeaux

Why: Poor
choices – came to the school to steal during the hurricane, used drugs
prior to getting there so judgment was impaired, neglectful parents to
their daughter

How: Eyes
gone, intestines mixed with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll
held between him and his wife Jill

Character
Death 3: Jill Thibodeaux

Why: Poor
choices – came to the school to steal during the hurricane, used drugs
prior to getting there so judgment was impaired, neglectful parents to
their daughter

How: Eyes
gone, intestines mixed with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll
held between her and her husband, Jacob

<div>

Character
Death 4: Clara

Why: Moral
anchor – Clara represents the moral compass and her compassion to keep the
children safe

How: She
steps in front of the children and is her head is severed by a physic
swipe from the Terrance monster

<div>

Character
Death 5: Potter

Why: Potter tries to do the right thing even though he is scared out of his mind.

How: Potter
makes a last effort to stab the Terrance monster with a crowbar but is
tossed from the roof </div>

Character
Death 6: Ogilvy

Why: Ogilvy
is the earthly form of Carras the entire time and the Care Center sent
Terrance to kill him to put a stop to his bad behavior after he made a
poor choice to be involved with a mortal then determine he needed to kill
the mortal Sybil to cover up his behavior. Terrance did not mean to kill
Clara – she moved in front of the children but didn’t realize Ogilvy/Carras
had regained consciousness and was using the children as a shield

How:
The Care Center destroyed him and sent him to a fiery hell

</div></div></div>

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

That building in deliberate beats of action and background narrative is like putting a puzzle together. When the pieces fit, it a satisfying outcome. When the pieces don’t, you still have a roadmap to follow based on the pieces that surround the questions that still remain in the plot.

BUILD HORROR SITUATIONS

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Sybil runs for her life in the back swamps of Louisiana

Horror Situation: What she is running from finds her in a desolate rural church. . Closing and locking the door behind her before seeing the herbs, amulets, and roughly stitched sac cloth doll. She had run right directly into Carras, not away.

Reaction – Escape: Sybil is terrified but not surprised at what is coming for her. She passes out as the Care Center surrounds her, their eyes disappearing, and their large muscular hands pull at her arms.

Horror Situation: A loud screech is heard, and the priest stands at the back of the church. The priest saves her but loses his soul.

Connect with the characters: 10 Years Later: Teachers and staff at a Louisiana elementary school are preparing for a hurricane and Sybil is a teacher at the school which is an evacuation center. The main core cast of teachers (Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, Marie, Marcus, and Principal LaPierre) agree to do it. Jacob and Jill watch the news and roll a joint and determine if getting locked in the school could be an economic windfall for them

The characters are warned not to do it: Many of the teachers are not staying to man the evacuation. In this area, folks are known for taking care of their own and waiting out a storm rather than running from it which is what they deem the evacuation center to be.

Denial of Horror: A small group stay at the school for their own various and mysterious reasons.

Safety taken away: The principal is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut. The windows are nailed with thick boards and industrial nails making an easy escape not possible.

Horror Situation: As the storm rages, electricity goes in and out, and several people in the group experience very specific and personal reliving of traumas in their past.

Reaction – The members of the group experiencing the memories start to make them jumpy and agitated in a way that unsettles the rest of the crew.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Without the key to open the chains (the boards used industrial strength nails that secure into brick and concrete) they must think of another way out.

Horror Situation: The key holder if found dead and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the key. She is found facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.

Reaction: It isn’t safe to go outside in the storm but it isn’t safe to stay in the building. The remaining group is scared and panicking.

Horror Situation: Finger pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.

Reaction: The heightened fear causes factions to break away for the rest of the group making it easier for the Care Center to target them but more difficult for anyone to know who a danger is and who is going to be helpful.

Horror Situation: the next victims as they try to take advantage of the chaos to pilfer electronics from the 2nd grade classroom. They are found in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll held between them

Character Death: The two are found in the cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched doll held between them. Principal LaPierre is found in the swimming pool filled with blood instead of water.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group. The group (Sybil, Carmel, Ogilvy, Potter, Marie, and the children) locks him in a broom closet.

Horror Situation: Carmel begins acting strangely and Sybil remembers the priest who saved her said the word – Ouanga.

Reaction: Carmel becomes herself again. She is able to tell the group about the Care Center and then asks Sybil why she didn’t warn them. The remaining group is divided about how Sybil plays into this. Sybil tries to defend her standing by disclosing who the Care Center is, but she doesn’t tell them they want her because of Carras.

Horror Situation: After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they find Marcus in the closet and use it on him. Nothing happens. Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.

Reaction: They make a run for the roof and into the storm. Terrance finds them and sets his sights on the children.

Horror Situation: Terrance finds them and sets his sights on the children. Marie steps in front and sacrifices herself. As it goes for Sybil and Carmel, Ogilvy taunts the monster and with word Ouanga but it doesn’t work this time. Ogilvy is knocked unconscious.

Character Death: Potter makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar but is tossed from the roof.

Death returns to take one or more – The Care Center monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines. Ogilvy transforms into Carras. The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides.

Resolution – as the sun comes up and military aquatic
vehicles come to take the survivors to safety, Sybil believes it is over.
Carmel has a look in her eyes as her eyes disappear.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Horror Plot

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Tethering the plot to each character was great fun! How much or how little a character engages with a plot is vitally important. Using the beats of the plot to explore the characters motivations was exciting. As a first timer crafting a screenplay, I’m enlightened by the process and curious to see how the following lessons will help improve this foundation.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established – Sybil is
running along a hillside draped with willows, a church bell rings in the
distance. She makes her way to the rural church sanctuary. She passes out
as the Care Center surrounds her, their eyes disappearing, and their large
muscular hands pull at her arms. <div>

Connect with the characters–

Ten years later. Principal Ogilvy ask
for volunteers to man the elementary school as a hub for hurricane
evacuees in this Louisiana town. The main core cast of teachers (Ogilvy,
Sybil, Clara, Carmel, Marie, Marcus, and Principal LaPierre) agree to do
it and along with locals, Jacob and Jill Thibodaux.

The characters are warned not to do it. –
Many teachers don’t want to stay and would rather get home to their own
families and warn that if this is like another Hurricane Katrina, building
may not withstand this one.

Denial of Horror – they all been through
hurricanes and agree that this is as safe a place as any to be.

Safety taken away – Principal LaPierre
decides to chain the doors shut so that looters will not get in. Also
means there is no escape when things get wild.

Monster: The nature of the beast. – Storm
is raging outside, electricity is going in and out, and a number of people
are starting to experience very specific and personal reliving of traumas
in their past. It is starting to make some jumpy and agitated in a way
that unsettles the rest of the crew.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – without the
key to open the chains (the boards used industrial strength nails that
secure into brick and concrete) they must think of another way out. </div><div>

One of us killed – Marie is found facing
a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face
contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.
It isn’t safe to go outside but it isn’t safe to stay in the building. Turns
out Marie was asked to put the key to the chains in the safe and she was
the only one who knew the combination.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full pursuit by the killer – Finger
pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people. Sybil recognizes
the missing eyes as one of the characteristic methods of the Care Center. The
heightened fear causes factions to break away for the rest of the group
making it easier for the Care Center to target them but more difficult for
anyone to know who a danger is and who is going to be helpful. </div>

Terrorized – Jacob and Jill become the
next victims as they try to take advantage of the chaos to pilfer
electronics from the 2^nd grade classroom. They are found in the
cleaning closet, eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sac cloth stitched
doll held between them. Principal LaPierre is found in the swimming pool
filled with blood instead of water.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death – Coach Ogilvy
suspects Marcus is the killer so they lock him in a closet. Carmel begins
acting strangely and Sybil remembers the priest who saved her said the word
– Ouanga. When Carmel recovers she tells the group about the Care
Center and then asks Sybil why she didn’t warn them.

Hysteria – The remaining group is
divided about Sybil’s loyalty. Coach Ogilvy remembers an old family hex to
ward off bad omens and suggests finding the botany lab to secure some
flowers and herbs.

The thrilling escape from death – After the
team creates amulets to do the hex, they find Marcus in the closet and use
it on him, but nothing happens. Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear,
and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care
Center. After an escape to the roof, Terrance finds them, Marie steps in
front and sacrifices herself for the children and Sybil and Carmel defeat
the Care Center but not before Potter is thrown off the roof.

Death returns to take one or more. – The Care Center monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines. Ogilvy transforms into Carras. The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules.

Resolution – as the sun comes up and
military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety, Sybil believes
it is over. Carmel has a look in her eyes as her eyes disappear.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Characters for Horror

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Thinking about characters and their place in the narrative was a great exercise. It helped me to define even minor (but killable) characters and start slotting them into the overall story not necessarily by importance but by what value they will bring to the story.

Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen.

Professional Group: A group of teachers and nearby residents take shelter at an elementary school during a hurricane

Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie.

The characters experience the terror and survive together but because the Care Center can choose to kill or maim someone, some of the characters will ‘change’ and become subordinates to the Care Center. One or two die outright.

Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Leader
– Sybil has been through the Care Center before and although traumatized
by the encounter, she is a quick thinker and suspicious because of it so
she kicks into high gear knowing that a danger is imminent.

Rescuer
– Potter, the is a straight shooter and not hung up on being the one in
charge. His input is level headed and for the good of the group.

Innocent
– Lily, Chantel, and Miles are school kids whose healthy sense of wonder
helps the overall group to see things that they may have missed as jaded adults.

Out
of control / Obnoxious – Principal Dunkin is very hung up on power and
being in control. His narcissism will unravel the group momentarily.

Red
Herring – Math teacher, Marcus Pitney, is analytical and type A. He
becomes a prime suspect in the chaos because of his detached and diagnostic
nature.

Love
Interest or lovers – Carras once loved Sybil, but it was him or
her that would have to go and he decided it was her. He was the one who transgressed
by having a relationship with her but now he wants her to pay the ultimate
price.

Complainer
– Marie Slope is a busy body secretary who has a negative streak a mile wide
and will be the first to turn the group against Sybil.

Rebel
/ Rule Breaker – Coach Ogilvy, a football coach accustomed to creating
avant garde strategies to win, uses his past track record of coaching the
worst football teams in the district. He has survived in his role because of pulling off spectacular wins and he will use his sideways thinking to help
the group.

Introvert
/ Loner – Carmel Washington is a teacher’s assistant who questions her
role at the school and if she can be a leader in the classroom. She gets
the chance to be a leader during this crisis.

Moral
One – A child psychologist who previously was the lead psychologist during
a school shooting a decade ago, Clara Knox is intent on shielding the children
from whatever is transpiring during this violent fueled, hurricane-soaked
night.

Monster
Bait –

Coach
Ogilvy comes up with a last-ditch effort to contain the chaos as the Care
Center wreaks havoc on the school and its victims.
Jacob
& Jill, drug using and hard partying parents of Lily. They are neglectful
and dismissive of Lily when she interferes with their ability to continue
their destructive behavior. The impaired state will lead to their
downfall.

The
Carrier: The one who brings the horror to the group –

Sybil
sees the signs that the Care Center might be behind the evening’s events including
the weather. As she tries to hide her connection to whatever is
happening, the group becomes increasingly aware that she might be the
lynch pin in all of it.

Terrance
the vending machine sales agent seems off on this evening delivery, the
last one on schedule before heading out to hunker down for the storm. But
this isn’t the usual Terrance the school staff has known for the past 10
years. This ‘Terrance’ is a minion of the Care Center, activated and
ready to destroy.

Sacrificial
Lamb – Clara Knox will have to decide how far she is willing to go to
save the mental and physical health of the children above all else.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Pamela’s Terrifying Monster

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

I found this exercise to be challenging but fun. Starting this outline has made me think (and sometimes overthink) the foundation of my story in a unique way.

1. Tell us what or who your monster is.

The Care Center – a group of soul exterminators who answer to Carras, a deity who keeps order in the world through sacrifices. When Carras broke the rules by taking human form and having a relationship, he now wants to find this woman and tie up loose ends

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

Their
Terror: Ability to seep seamlessly into someone’s everyday life, not as shapeshifter
but as a familiar to the person, a little uncanny valley in their behavior.
Use the proximity to inflict harm or death depending on what they need
from the victim.

Their
Mystery: How do you know if someone or something is part of the Care
Center

Their
Fear-Provoking Appearance: Eyes disappear, and hands grow larger in order
to dispatch the victim in a gruesome or torturous way.

Their
Rules: The Care Center cannot be killed outright but can be weakened and
banished back to the Darkness with a gris-gris charm

Their
Mythology: Based on the Hoodoo practices of Louisiana

[PAMELA Raymond]

What I learned doing this assignment is…

Horror says as much through its through its setting as it does through its dialogue or graphic scenes. We like to think we can spot the uncanny valley among us but 1BR showed that you take for granted what you believe to be safe even when there are signs to the contrary. I chose this film for the ordinariness of it which made the events in the film even more unsettling.

Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.

Title:
1BR (shorthand for 1 bedroom and yes it is set in an apartment building)

Concept:
An apartment complex hides a sinister motive behind its friendly community
façade

Terrorize
The Characters: Main character, Sarah, is put through torture rituals
including tasering, nailing her hands to the wall, and killing her cat
(yes that happened off screen mercifully) to break her will and enforce
compliance to the community. A symbol was branded behind her ear to mark
her full transformation.

Isolation:
1) Sarah, young woman in her 20s, moves to L.A. for a ‘fresh start’ with
no friends or family for support, estranged from her father due to his
actions while her mother was dying of cancer. 2) Once ‘residents’ move in,
they are not allowed to leave the building without deadly repercussions. A
team of residents expunged Sarah’s life by canceling her credit cards, calling
her job and quitting, and basically erased her from her life outside the
building. 3) The entire building including the apartments are under
constant surveillance by a team of residents.

Death:
Stabbing, euthanasia, suicide – a lot happened in this film

Monster/Villain:
The apartment manager, Jerry, is a cult leader. He chooses potential residents
by holding open houses. He will see 100s of people before finding what he
believes is the right resident based on the candidate’s lack of a moral
compass. By extension, the other residents who participate in this cult
are also villains.

High
Tension: 1) Sarah is made to stand in torture positions and as she
becomes weaker, Jerry threatens to shoot her in the head if she didn’t
continue to stand in the position. He eventually ordered his minion to
nail Sarah’s hands to the wall. It was unbearable. 2) Jerry commanded
Sarah to kill a new resident who was being tortured but refused to comply
and surrender. Sarah held an ice pick to the woman’s ear but at the last
minute didn’t. She came so close to doing it! 3) As Sarah tried to escape through
the front door of the apartment complex, the residents pulled her back in
just as she was about to taste freedom.

Departure
from Reality: 1) When a member of the community, Edie, was too old to
be of value, they all gathered around her and euthanized her. Sarah was
horrified because she had become a caretaker to her and enough of her
humanity remained to know that this was messed up. 2) When Sarah finally escapes,
she limps down the side walk only to realize that every apartment building
she passed had the same symbol branded behind her ear. The buildings had
their own cult cells inside. Red lights and alarms started to sound at
each of those building, a surveillance camera on the front of each of them
staring at her, knowing she had escaped. Sarah knew she was really in trouble
at this point.

Moral
Statement: Jerry only picked
people who he believed had moral failings in their lives. He accused Sarah
of her lifestyle of drinking, taking prescription drugs, and estrangement
from her father made her morally weak and she needed their protection and
guidance. This film showed how easy it can be to break someone’s will and
how easy it is to normalize violence and brainwash someone using fear to
crumble their mental state and rational thought.

Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film?

I liked the psychological aspect of this. It really laid the ground work for some real Jonestown-style madness. You could really see how easy it is to coerce someone into some terrible things and rationalize all of it. The characters where more fleshed out than you would expect in a horror movie especially the final girl, Sarah, and the elderly woman, Edie.

With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Title: TBD

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Concept:
Cat and mouse hunt between someone who is a lethal hunter bent on fulfilling
a mission and the hunted who happens to be a deity

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Terrorize
The Characters: psychological head games, explosive violent outbursts,
possession that makes characters act out their worst fears

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Isolation:
Deity is trapped at a motel during a hurricane desperate to get ahead of
her pursuer

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Death:
magic and spirts that kill in body horror ways, drowning (because
hurricanes, y’all)

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Monster/Villain: Dangerous ex-boyfriend

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>High
Tension: Deity’s magic is hampered and off kilter during the storm
making escape a challenge

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Departure
from Reality: deities don’t generally exist, possession is not a
typical state of being

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Moral Statement: a parable on domestic violence

<div>
</div>

[PAMELA Raymond]

Hello!

My name is Pamela Raymond and this my first screenwriting course. I have never written a script but hopefully it’s like a riding a bike once I get one under my belt. I generally lean towards short stories in the mystery genre, but horror is my first passion.

My goal in taking this course is to challenge the way I approach characters, setting, and emotions in my writing. I think horror is the best genre for dialing up extremes and then you can take that, scale it back, and use those tools in other genres that are less bloody. I am excited to flex my creative muscles over the next month.

The only unique thing about me other than apparently having the gift of the Tarot, is I have an identical twin. And I’m originally from New Orleans. You do the math.

[PAMELA Raymond]

Bob,

Thank you for your feedback. I was surprised you could even get through my incredibly flawed script but your comments are amazing and give me a lot to chew on and use to make the next draft better.

Your script is pretty tight, and I am taking a lot of queues from it. The premise is a nice update to the misuse and mistreatment of a sacred burial site. The detail of 6 disturbed graves was paid off at the end.

#1 exterior scene was a nice set up for the action. The poor bulldozer operator is punished for the callousness of the developer and pops off the danger. I like the imagery of the operator’s demise. I think that can be shown vividly on screen.

In scene #2, when Anne hears the wailing woman, is it crying type of wailing or a tortured scream kind of wailing? The first would make me think she would look for the source and the latter for 911. You may have outlined that in your longer draft so I was just wondering.

In scene #3, you introduce the portal of the basement. Where is this set? Being from the South, I assume it is set in the North since Southern homes/condos don’t generally have basements. If you are going to allude to a location without mentioning it, something to keep in mind what the landscape would look like.

Also in scene #3, the demise of the inspector is particularly eerie and riveting. Red eyes and a witch are great moody elements. The witch’s interaction with the victim is unexpected and a nice twist.

In scene #4, after the board meeting, how many characters go the basement? I was not sure who was part of that scenario. John comes in later. Was Anne already there?

In scene #5, I like the idea of a lawyer trying to negotiate with a witch! But you opened up the audience to that when the witch interacted with the inspector so this is a good follow up. It gives her a voice in expressing her rage at what was done to a sacred space. Bold move!

In scene #6, the witch actually engages in a mock court which sounds like a lot of fun! I was a little confused at if the group returned to an adjacent room or forced into another room after Bill was sent to ‘jail’. Where John and Anne locked in the their room after the mock court or before? At any rate once they get out and start their final journey to freedom things look like the pick up and I want them to escape! The twists and turns are well laid out.

My remaining question is why did the squatter decide to sacrifice himself. Is there a back story that can be expressed in his clothing – maybe he is a veteran and has a sense of duty or a fallen man of the cloth and wants redemption. Some sort of shorthand that would make it plausible for a stranger to give his life in that way.

Overall, I like what you are doing with this and your economy of words is brilliant. Thank you again for your comments.

Pamela

[PAMELA Raymond]

I am an ASMR video junkie!

[PAMELA Raymond]

A burgler got trapped in your escape room? That is bonkers and the best thing I’ve heard all day!