[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Query Letter

What I learned is that since my script is a dark comedy about a serial killer, I felt it was important to capture the tone of the story in the synopsis, plus keep it short. Were I to send this particular query, I will probably remove the last line, but I just couldn’t resist including it in this rough draft.

Dear …

It’s frustrating for serial killer Tammi when three potential victims die before she can do the deed.

And how depressing to reunite with a past love and learn he’s done with her just because Tammi framed him for Hubbie #1’s demise. A gal’s gotta protect herself after all, something Tammi’s bestie, Violet, learned the hard way after starting a fight while in a jealous rage. Maybe lying about bedding Violet’s lover wasn’t fair, but Violet had a superior attitude and needed to be put in her place. So sad that place was at the bottom of a cliff.

Too bad Tammi’s not as clever as she believes, or she’d have seen the revenge plot her first victim’s beau contrived. But it’s impossible to see with a lawn dart in your eye.

If you like the concept for my dark comedy, Retirement Pillage,, I’d be happy to send you the script. And I assure you, nothing about the story is autobiographical!

Sincerely,

Pat Fitzgerald
peggi_oh@yahoo.com
(262) 880 9462
4332 Woodview Lane
Caledonia, WI 53404

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I’ve learned is that trying to include tiny details interferes with making the pitch attention grabbing. I have to search for what’s most intriguing about the big picture.

High Concept: She’s supposed to be the murderess, not a victim, but when a serial killer moves to a retirement village the roles reverse.

Elevator pitch: I had a dark comedy about a serial killer in a retirement village, who thinks the place will be her personal playground. She has no idea that she’s been lured there for revenge against her first, long-ago kill.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Synopsis Hooks

What I’ve learned is that it’s a lot easier to compose a synopsis if I first take the time to organize the most interesting things about my script.

I took inspiration from these ideas:

1. Tammi’s husband falls on an upside-down stiletto that penetrates his eye, causing him to bleed all over Tammi’s favorite rug.

2. Violet uses reverse psychology to coerce Tammi into moving to the Hide Away Retirement Village.

3. The men who Tammi framed for Hubbie #1’s death live in the Hide Away and want Tammi out, no matter what it takes, even murder.

4. Tammi’s furious when her intended victims die before she can do the deed.

5. Violet turns against Tammi and their epic argument ends in Violet’s death.

6. Maynard kills Tammi as revenge for her killing his high school sweetheart.

Synopsis:
Tammi has no problem killing for, let’s say practical reasons . Did Hubbie #3 honestly expect her to join a pickleball league? The best thing about his funeral is that Tammi reunites with Violet, her high school bestie.

When Tammi overhears that some folks in Violet’s retirement village are ready to be put out of their misery, of course Tammi moves in. But darn it, her intended victims die before she can do the deed. And she didn’t necessarily want Violet to fall off a cliff, but she shouldn’t have started that silly argument in the first place. What’s a serial killer to do but retire?

Life should be simple from here on, except Tammi has no clue she’s been set up for long-awaited revenge. Karma’s gonna get her for her first kill.

©

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I removed this post because it should have been placed in lesson 5.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.
• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned about this assignment is that it gave me a chance to analyze my script to see where my hooks are and what could benefit from improvement. I also learned that I just might have sufficient twists and turns to make my story as interesting as I sure as hell hope that it is. Frankly, I thought that I was almost through with rewriting, but perhaps not, and that is not a bad thing.

1. Tammi is furious when her dead husband ruins her rug by bleeding on it.
2. Violet uses reverse psychology to coerce Tammi into moving to the Hide Away Retirement Village and murder an “undesirable” resident.
3. Tammi saves Violet from falling off a cliff.
4. Tammi has no problem killing people, but she saves a dog that Violet wants dead.
5. One of Tammi’s intended victims drives her electric wheelchair off a cliff before Tammi can do the deed herself.
6. Violet turns against Tammi and conspires with the men Tammi framed for her first husband’s murder to do Tammi in.
7. Maynard manipulates Tammi and Violet to turn against one another.
8. Tammi accidentally causes Violet to fall from the cliff and die.
9. Maynard gets long awaited revenge on Tammi by killing her with a lawn dart.
10. Maynard escapes the Hide Away to open a motel where we learn that he has stolen art treasures to sell.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Marketability Components

What I learned is that I’m happy to take to heart everything that this module has to offer regarding marketing a screenplay.

Logline: A serial killer uses her skills to rid a retirement village of undesirables, not knowing she’s being set up for a fatal revenge plot.

Marketability components:

Unique: A sexy serial killer whose deadly skills are welcomed in a quirky retirement village.

Title: Retirement Pillage

It’s a First: A senior citizen serial killer, and it’s a comedy.

Wide Audience Appeal: I can’t say as the audience appeal is altogether wide, but I am aware that there are lots of 50+ folks who would love to see more stories about an older generation.

Great Role for a Bankable Actor:
Protagonist: Tammi, A sexy egotistical serial killer, who’s not as brilliant as she proclaims that she is.
Antagonist: Violet, A conniving, controlling, jealous woman, bent on getting the better of Tammi.
Triangle Character: Maynard, Surreptitiously controls both Tammi and Violet, in a plot for revenge over a past murder.

I might pitch the script as having great roles for mature actors, ala Jennifer Coolidge who I believe is perfect for the lead role.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Project and Market

What I learned is that I’m getting burgeoning confidence that I can and will be successful at marketing my screenplay. However, I can already see where tweaks will be necessary to make the script more marketable.

Genre: Dark Comedy

Title: Retirement Pillage

Concept: A retirement village becomes a playground for a serial killer, unaware revenge for her past deeds is poised to strike.

What’s most attractive: Retirement Pillage is a diabolical dark comedy that gives actors a chance to play outrageous characters who have next to no moral compass and are funny at the same time.

I plan to first target small, hungry production companies because I’m a small, hungry screenwriter.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

This process helped me let go of preconceived ideas and allowed me to open my mind to new possibilities. No idea was rejected and some really surprised me.

What I leaned is to keep my mind open and accept all surprises my creative mind gives me

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Elevated Dialogue

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is to have the dialogue stay true to the character's profile, which in turn creates more interesting dialogue.

I changed so many lines that I lost track, which proves to me the value of this lesson.

Dialogue change one:

After Tammi realizes that her husband is dead:

Original line: I wish you wouldn't have bled all over my rug.

New Line: I'm free from pickleball, but I sure do wish I had a pickle right now, a sour one to match your sourpuss face.

Dialogue change two and three:

This happens while the antagonist, Violet, and triangle character, Maynard spy on Tammi as she moves into their retirement village, where she was coerced into moving so she will perform "acts of mercy," that is killing undesirable residents.

Original dialogue: Violet – Works every time, if I tell her not to do something, she always does it.

Maynard's reply: You're the real killer, Vi.

New dialogue:

Violet: Are we evil?

Maynard: I prefer to think of us as the Hide Away's quality control.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Contained Movie

What I learned doing this assignment is that with some out of the box thinking a film with several settings can be pared down to fit the requirement for a contained movie.

The film I chose was Legally Blonde

AS THEY DID IT:

A. Locations: Sorority House in California, restaurant, Elle's parent's house, Exterior shots of Harvard, Harvard dorm room, fraternity house, law office, prison visiting room, beauty parlor, court room. Various classrooms, a spa, a few outdoor settings.

B. People: Main characters: Elle, her dorky boyfriend who dumped her, law professors, lawyer who will eventually propose to her, Paulette, the cosmotologist, the UPS guy, trial judge, Vivian, on trial for murder

C. Stunts: None

D. Extras: sorority sisters, fraternity boys, students in classrooms, news crew

E. Wardrobe: Elle's clothes are all high end couture, others are run of the mill clothes that anyone could wear

CONTAINED VERSION:

A. Locations: Dorm room, restaurant scene could be a catered meal in a dorm room, scenes in the beauty parlor could be transformed into Elle befriending her dorm's maintenence woman who Elle visits in her basement apartment, the prison visiting room could be eliminated by Vivian being out on bail and coming to the law office.

B. People Main characters would remain the same as in the original film.

C. Stunts None

D. Extras: Elle's sorority sisters

E. Wardrobe: Remains the same

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi, I[m Pat Fitzgerald
I’ve completed three scripts, have one waiting in the wings for me to do some major rewrites and am currently completing another in the WIM+AI class.
I hope to learn new skills in this class that will enable me to be successful at writing a contained script.
Usual about me? After years of full-time care-taking a family member, I thought my creativity was forever lost and would never return to me. I’m happy to say that creativity found me again and I am having a blast writing screenplays.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Elevated Emotion

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this lesson is that my script was woefully lacking in emotion and that especially my protagonist appeared wooden and one dimensional. While elevating her emotions I was also able to see ways to make my antagonist more emotional, which in turn elevated the conflict between them.

In the first scene, Tammi panics and becomes almost hysterical when she realizes her husband is dead and bleeding all over her rug, but it’s her rug that she cares about. In the scene's original version she was nothing but relieved that hubbie died. In the revision, she became elated over his death, which freed her from being forced into joining a pickleball team with him.

Tammi also immaturely rages when her intended serial killer victims die before she has a chance to murder them. Previously, she was nothing more than mildly surprised.

I was able to elevate emotions with almost all of my characters in so many scenes that I lost count of them all. This was an incredibly beneficial lesson for me.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’;s Dramatic Reveals

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this lesson is the importance of setting up a strong demand for the reveal. And the reveal must be shown, not told, which is something that I’m still working on.

Partial list of my demands and reveals.

Demand: Maynard makes a move to push Tammi off a cliff, then stops himself when he realizes others are watching. He tries to get both Violet and Tammi to tell him the story of the photo in the lockets they always wear. Maynard has a photo of the same three high school girls that are in Tammi and Violet's lockets. Reveal: The three girls in the photo are Violet, Tammi and Maynar’s sister, who Violet and Tammi set up for murder. Maynard reveals that the third girl is his sister immediately before killing Tammi.

Demand: Violet indirectly lets it be known that Tammi would no5like living in Violet's retirement village, which prompts Tammi to move in. Reveal: Violet constantly controls Tammi using reverse psychology.

Demand: Tammi confesses to Violet that she had one true love in her life who, unfortunately, she had to frame for murdering her first husband to take the suspicion off of herself. Reveal: The man who Tammi framed lives in the retirement village under an assumed name and heavily disguised, as h3’s been avoiding arrest for several years.

Demand: Tammi falls into a panic after realizes her current husband is dead due to an accident which caused him to bleed all over her favorite rug. Reveal; Tammi’snot upset that her hubbie is dead, but that his blood has ruined her rug.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Loves Character Depth

My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this assignment and what aided me in elevating my characters was the importance of discovering what they've been hiding from me. I thought that I knew them about as well as was possible until I looked into their deeper layers.

I discovered that my antagonist delights in controlling the protagonist and that she's very capable of doing so. I also learned that she's a jealous and possessive person, who can't tolerate the protagonist's attraction to the man whom she considers to be her boyfriend. These revelations caused triggers of revenge that I had not seen before.

I also learned that my triangle character is adept at pitting the protagonist and antagonist against each others. Learning this led to a deeper chism between the two women, even though they consider each other besties. But their relationship is very much a love/hate situation.

My protagonist was hiding the fact that, despite she had no problem putting three husbands "out of their misery" just for financial gain, that she did have a love of her life. But this didn't stop her from framing this man for murder, so she wouldn't have to go to jail.

I also learned that I had relegated two featured characters, who play big in a side plot, into characitures. I had to look deep into their personalities and how they fit into the protagonist's pst in order to make them more realistic. And one of them ended up being the trigger that led to my protagonist's transformational journey.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Romance Emotions Part 2
What I’ve learned is that the layering of these emotions are what gives a script depth and allows the characters to become more well-rounded and interesting. I know that I still don’t have a complete list of how their emotions will show up in my story, but I love the start that I’ve gotten from this lesson.

BETRAYAL:
Jaki thinks that Mitch has arrived at the strip club where she bartends to continue a flirtation with her, but then learns he is there because he plans to buy the place, something she also wants to do, thinking owning the club will give her financial security.

After learning that Mitch wants to buy the strip club, Jaki believes that he will put her out of a job in favor of hiring younger women and that the flirtation they had previously was nothing but a ruse on his part.

After Mitch’s dad’s vintage Rolex turns up missing, he is convinced that Jaki stole it and that she had feigned interest in him just to get access to he and his dad’s money.

Jaki is hurt when Mitch refuses to allow her to see his dad after he had a stroke.

Mitch feels he’s been betrayed by his dad when Dad continues a friendly relationship with Jaki even though Mitch is convinced that she’s only after their money.

ANGER:
Jaki gets angry with Mitch for never telling her that he wants to buy the strip club and turn it into a community center for the disadvantaged in the neighborhood.
Mitch is angry with Jaki for stubbornly believing he only wanted the strip club for financial advantage.
Jaki is furious with Mitch once she learns that he has suggested to the director of the assisted living home where she volunteers that she should no longer be allowed in the place.

PASSION:
After discovering that his dad’s vintage Rolex has been in his jacket pocket all this time, Mitch apologized to Jaki. Neither one can continue to hold back their true feelings for one another.
On a first date, Jaki and Mitch passionately kiss, but Jaki is scared of her strong emotions toward him – he being the first man she’d been attracted to since the untimely death of her husband – and she runs away from him.

OBSESSION:
Even though Mitch has refused to allow Jaki to see his dad after he was hospitalized, he can’t stop thinking about Jaki and goes to the strip club to try to settle things between them.

LOVE:
After Jaki learns that Mitch wants her to be the director of his community center, she finally lets her guard down and gives him a passionate kiss.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Script Exchange 1

The second draft of my dark comedy, Retirement Pillage is finished and I would like to exchange scripts for feedback.
The concept is: When a serial killer’s intended victims start dying before she can do the deed, she decides to retire, never thinking karma’s gonna get her for past actions.

I am willing to give feedback on any genre aside from sci-fi. I am just not educated enough in the sci-fi realm to do a script justice.

If you are interested in exchanging, please contact me at peggi_oh@yahoo.com. TIA, Pat

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Solved Scene Problems

My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that I am grateful that interest techniques were built into the outline. This made it easy for most of my scenes to be written at a current satisfactory level. A couple of scenes served no purpose and were eliminated. And because it had taken up until this lesson to figure out my protag’s transformational journey, I few scenes needed changing and a couple needed to be added. I also learned that when writing a dark comedy, it is so helpful to be capable of diabolical thought. Sometimes I scare myself!

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Romance Emotions – Part 1

What I learned is that I have barely scratched the surface of the emotions that I can build into my script. I plan to keep the list of emotions in front of me when I flesh out my outline. This exercise is so amazingly beneficial.

Attraction:
Inciting Incident: Jaki is embarrassed to be wearing a clown suit while she does an embarrassing welcoming dance for a man entering an assisted living home. She notices Mitch and can’t help but be attracted to his caring attitude and good looks.

Mitch, on the other hand, has embarrassingly taken Jaki to be a man in drag in the clown suit. After realizing she’s a good-looking woman, he feels an initial attraction to her.

Later in Act 1: Mitch joins Jaki and his dad on the way to an ice cream shop. Though Jaki is still in her gold digger mode and thinks she has her sights set on Mitch’s dad, she enjoys Mitch’s humor.

Desire:
Mitch visits the strip club that he intends to buy. Though Jaki has retired from stripping and is now a bartender, she is on a pole, doing some outrageous moves. Mitch ignores the younger strippers and can’t take his eyes off of Jaki.

At the assisted living home where Jaki volunteers she starts to constantly watch the front door in the hopes that Mitch will enter to visit his dad.

In an accidental meeting in a park, Jaki lets her guard down and initiates a kiss with Mitch, only to be startled by her own actions and she runs off.

Yearning:
Jaki becomes distracted while she and a friend are serving a meal to homeless folks only because she can’t stop thinking about Mitch.

Mitch has turned against Jaki due to believing that she stole his dad’s vintage Rolex, yet he feels like a fool for having her banned from the assisted living home where his dad is a resident.

Jaki attempts to go on a date with another man, but when she sees Mitch out with another woman she abandons her date, unable to handle Mitch with someone else.

Doubt:
When Jaki learns that Mitch intends to buy the strip club that she had hoped to purchase she doubts herself and her ability to find a man who could care for her.

Mitch doubts himself after thinking that Jaki, like his gold digger ex-wife, is only after his money.

Jealousy:
This is a hard one. I don’t see either character as jealous people. Jealousy may or may not be a part of the script. I’ll have to keep thinking about this one.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Comedy Situations

What ‘;ve learned is that it's lots of fun to create comedy situations and surprisingly easy. I know that I’ll ind more as my script gets refined, but I’m happy with the ones that I created today.

Misinterpretation:
When Mitch sees Jaki in a clown suit and clown make-up he thinks she is a man. When Jaki turns toward Mitch and he notices her ample boobs he decides that she’s a man in drag. Mitch makes a comment about Jaki’s convincing chest, which causes Jaki to start her clown strip.

Jaki initially thinks that Mitch is his dad’s caregiver, not his son. She’s polite to him at first, but then sees his expensive car and is so startled that she trips in front of the car and is almost run over, in a funny way, of course.

While Mitch jogs past the strip club that he plans to buy he sees homeless folks entering when the club is closed. He thinks that they are robbing the place and calls the police. The police arrive. Mitch goes into the club with them to see Jaki and her friend serving a meal to the homeless folks, which makes Mitch think twice over Jaki being nothing but a gold digger.

Jaki thinks M itch wants to buy the strip club to keep it a strip club, and fire her from bartending in favor of a younger woman.. She has no idea he wants to transform it into a neighborhood recreation center and refuses to listen to him when he tries to tell her that. The result is that Jaki is embarrassed and relieved to learn the truth, which causes her to let her guard down and allow feelings to flow toward Mitch.

COMEDIC SURPRISE:

Mitch’s dad fakes a stroke to end the feud between Jaki and Mitch, but he can’t remember which side of his face that he pretends is paralyzed.

Jaki tells Mitch that if he wants to buy a strip club he better learn how to strip. He then jumps on stage and proceeds to do a super sexy dance.
Jaki starts a dance class at the assisted living home. She’s teaches willing and fun-loving women how to strip.

After learning Jaki never graduated high school, he has graduation music play while he presents her with a cap and gown and rolled up paper that proclaims her the supervisor of his future recreation center.

WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSE:

When learning that Mitch wants to buy the strip club, Jaki chases him out wielding a baseball bat. Mitch stumbles across a baseball and pitches it to her. Jaki hits it and it breaks a window at the business next door.

When Mitch suspects that his dad’s vintage Rolex was stolen he tries to remove Dad from the home, but other residents, led by Jaki, surround Dad in a sit-in protest.

FORCED UNION BETWEEN INCOMPATIBLES:

Jaki and Mitch must feign friendship when his dad has a stroke.

Wealthy Mitch and homeless folks band together to prove how beneficial a recreation center would be in their neighborhood.
Jaki’s best friend bonds with Mitch to convince Jaki that Mitch needs to buy the strip club building.

EMBARRASSMENT:

Jaki searches for Mitch’s dad’s watch, but when Mitch enters Dad’s room, Jaki hides under the bed. Mitch looks under the bed to find Jaki there. She tells him that she was just taking a nap.

Mitch finds the watch he accused Jaki of stealing in a jacket pocket, where his dad had put it so Mitch could get the watch repaired.

Jaki attempts to enter Dad’s room at the home via an outdoor window. The window closes on her and she’s left dangling half in and half out. As Jaki struggles to get inside the buttons on her blouse all pop off.

COMEDIC TRAGEDY:

Drawing a blank on this one. I’ll give this to my creative mind to figure out over night.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Plot
What I learned is that having an imperfect and incomplete plot beats the hell out of having no plot at all!

ACT I
Opening: Dressed in a clown suit, Jaki is supposed to give a special performance to welcome Mitch’s father as the new resident – this being a part of her volunteer work at the home.
Jaki notices Mitch’s expensive car, but her sites at this time are on his dad, who she hopes to bilk out of some money.

Inciting Incident: Jaki starts a sexy dance and teases she’s about to do a strip, which Mitch and the other residents find delightful.

Jaki takes Mitch’s dad to buy some ice cream. When Mitch joins them, Jaki discovers they have the same sense of humor. Her plan to use his dad for money starts to fade due genuinely enjoying his company.

Mitch hears rumors at the assisted living home that Jaki is a gold digger, as his ex-wife was. He becomes wary of her.

Jaki when Mitch turns a cold shoulder to her and for revenge she ups her flirtation with his dad.

Turning Point: Jaki sees Mitch at the strip club where she bartends and learns that he’s interested in buying the place, something she also planned to do.

ACT 2
New Plan: Mitch catches Jaki rifling through his dad’s belonging and won’t listen to her explanation at to why. She’s just trying to help him find his vintage Rolex which he misplaced.

Plan in Action: Mitch tells the home’s director of his suspicions that Jaki may have stolen the watch and she is banned from her volunteer duties. However, Mitch’s dad helps her find a work-around, which causes Mitch to suspect Jaki is playing his dad for the money that she thinks he has.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mitch’s dad helps Jaki find a work-around so she can continue her activities at the home, causing Mitch to believe Jaki will do anything to get her hands on Dad’s money.

ACT 3
Rethink everything: Jaki puts her house up for sale in an attempt to get the downpayment for the strip club, but discovers she will barely make a profit after the mortgage is paid. She confronts Mitch, accusing him of ruining her life.

Mitch arrives at the strip club when it’s closed and is surprised to find Jaki in the kitchen, making a meal for homeless folks in the neighborhood.

Jaki learns that Mitch works at a food bank in the neighborhood, but she can’t stop being angry with him for thinking she stole Dad’s watch.

New Plan: Mitch’s dad has a stroke, he’s downtrodden and miserable. Mitch tells him that he’ll do whatever is possible to make Dad requests a visit from Jaki, because she makes him laugh.

When Mitch calls Jaki to ask her to visit his dad she insists that he apologize for the watch accusation first. Mitch accuses her of being selfish.

Turning Point: Huge Failure/ Major shift: Jaki overhears Mitch tell his Dad that she showed interest because she wanted to bilk him out of his money.

Hurt by the accusation, Jaki confronts Mitch in front of his dad, and Dad appears to have another stroke. They are both told to leave Dad’s room while he’s attended to.

ACT 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the climax: Mitch finds his dad’s vintage Rolex and feels like a fool for accusing Jaki of stealing it.

Mitch arrives at the home to give dad his watch only to learn that Dad fakes the stroke, hoping it would bring Mitch and Jaki together due to concern over him. And Jaki will be there with Dad.
Jaki’s house is sold, but she then learns that Mitch has purchased the strip club. She believes that she is out of a job and homeless.

Mitch arrives at the strip club to find Jaki making what she thinks will be her final meal for the homeless.

Mitch tells Jaki that his plan all along is to use the building for a recreation center for disadvantaged folks in the neighborhood, and he asks Jaki if she’d consider being the center’s supervisor.

Mitch sticks around to help Jaki and the homeless folks clean up after the meal.

Resolution: Mitch tells Jaki that he bought her house, and presents her with the deed.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat is Cliche Busting

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is akin to something I once heard legendary Country musician Jim Lauterdale say about the first songs that he brought to Nashville. Music producer after producer told him that his songs were good but none of them were hits. That's how I came to look at cliche-filled scenes. They might be good, but they aren't going to make for a script that will be optioned, let alone made into a film. And there is always a way to brainstorm a cliche into something orignial.

My scirpt changes were so numerous that I decided to not waste my time trying to keep track of them. Off the top of my head, these are a few of the changes, keeping in mind that I'm writing a diabolical dark comedy.

Cliche: The protag kills her husband by pushing him off a ladder.
Change: The hubbie trips on a rug and sends a metal straw up his eye and into his brain.

Cliche: One woman's home has a putrid smell because she is a horder.
Change: The home smells putrid because the woman experiments making dog food with raw meat and saves all her experiments, which are littered all over her house.

Cliche: A disoriented man dies by being pushed down basement stairs. (My so-called protagonist is a serial killer, btw.)
Change: Before the protag can do the deed, the disoriented man slips in the bathtub and the fall kills him, causing frustration to the serial killer who wanted to do the job herself.

Cliche: A farmer's market like we see everywhere in summer. I mean vegetable, eggs, etc. being sold.
Change: A farmer's market selling not only veggies, but canning jars filled with weed brownies and various types of "happy" pills.

I had so much fun cliche busting!

• This reply was modified 9 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Solved Character Problems
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I;’ve learned, when I've done all I can to improve my characters according to this lesson but still feel more improvements can be made but am stuck on how to continue doing that, it’s time to wrap this one up and continue on.
Check List:
A. Generic Lead Characters, They are anything but.

B. Weak protagonist or Antagonist: They are an equal match and constantly goading each other and getting on each others’ nerves, and they do this pretty damned strongly.

C. Protagonist too good or Antagonist too bad: The challenge in writing a dark comedy is that the protagonist can’t be altogether that good, because she is dark. The antagonist is not necessarily badder (yeah, I know. Badder is a bad word.) but she’s more conniving.

D. Weak character intros: This is one that I beefed up, but that doesn’t mean the intros are perfected.

E. Characters not in action: They’re pretty active, and I believe they will continue to improve on this point.

F. Protagonist journey not strong: She thinks it's strong. I'm still not sure that I agree with her. I’m anticipating that her journey will strenghten once she quits fighting me and allows for more growth.

G. All the characters seem the same: I’ve worked hard since the start of this class to make sure they have individual personalities.

Lead Characters not present: There are two scenes in which they are missing, and these are reveal scenes that push the story forward. At this time I feel that I can let this stand as is.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned was how difficult it was for me to stick to working on one improvement at a time. It became altogether too tempting to do a rewrite on the entire script, however I realized doing that would lead me to think it had reached perfection.
I eventually pulled back and followed the Problem/Solution Grid and made one improvement at a time.

My priorities focused on increasing the conflict between my protag and antag. I needed to start the conflict in their first scene together and proceed to have it build from there. I also needed deeper layers, particularly for my feature characters, since their actions will have a direct bearing on the outcomes of both the protag and antag. I'm happy that I faithfully followed my outline, though there were three scenes at the start of Act 4 that needed to be flipped. That was an easy fix. All the work that I had previously done on building character profiles and the outline made the improvements fun and fairly easy to do.

Sorry, no beat sheet. After making the script improvements, I truly felt that it was time to move to the next lesson. What was that about letting go of perfection?

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Her Journey/His Journey

What I learned: I’m seeing deeper layers to my characters and how they are becoming more well-rounded and real though this assignment. Also, they’re in a screenplay which means that getting together requires obstacles in order to make the plot interesting. This assignment enables me to find more obstacles for them, so when they finally have their reunion it’ll be really sweet.

Jaki Buran
Initial State: Jaki is always broke and torn between doing what’s necessary to make money or helping others, which is her true passion. And she’s finished with relationships, unless the man has lots of money and is willing to share
.
Meet-Cute Moment: Jaki can’t help but notice Mitch’s amusement when she rebels against a silly clown act and turns it into a strip, albeit a modest strip.
Initial Challenges: Having lost her husband in a tragic act of violence, Jaki has built a wall around herself. She claims that the only man she would want in her life is one who would spend lots of money on her. She mistakenly thinks that Mitch’s dad is rich and initially turns on her charm towards Dad.

Major Conflict/Obstacle: Jaki wants to purchase the strip club where she bartends, thinking that owning the place will give her financial security. But she learns that Mitch also plans to buy the building. She takes this personally and becomes hostile toward Mitch.

Self-Reflection: Mitch’s dad’s illness brings the two of them together in mutual concern, and Jaki starts to wonder if her hardass external persona causes her more harm than good.

Acceptance and Growth: When Jaki discovers that Mitch wants the strip club building to create a recreation center for the disadvantaged she realizes that they have a lot of the same goals, to help folks who are in need of help.

Demonstrate the Change: Jaki presents Mitch with a plan to transform the strip club, without putting anyone out of work, into the recreation center. And she asks him to help her at the place where she volunteers to make meals for the homeless.

Reunion: Jaki accepts Mitch’s invitation to sit down for dinner with the homeless people that they are serving, where she accepts the fact that money could never bring her the happiness she once thought it would.

Mitch Nickelsen
Initial State: A bitter divorce has made Mitch suspicious of all women. He refuses to deal with his own loneliness or that an honest relationship could make him happy.

Meet-Cute Moment: He gets a big kick out of his dad’s enjoyment of Jaki’s rebellious take on an act made to welcome Dad to an assisted living home. He is attracted to Jaki, though he’s wary of the feeling.

Initial Challenges: Mitch has sworn off relationships, at least for a time span that he feels he must strictly adhere to. And he’s afraid that if he lets himself start to care for Jaki, she’ll end up breaking his heart. That’s happened to him a few too many times.

Major Conflict/Obstacle: Mitch accuses Jaki of stealing his dad’s vintage Rolex watch so she can sell it for the down payment on the strip club building that he plans to buy. He won’t allow Jaki to give him an explanation any more than Jaki wants to hear why he wants the building.

Self Reflection: When Mitch learns that Jaki insisted on accompanying his dad to a hospital for some health tests he realizes that he has misjudged her and starts to realize that he’s been judging all women by the way his ex-wife treated him. He awkwardly attempts to apologize to Jaki for having the wrong opinion of her.

Acceptance and Growth: After Mitch’s dad’s Rolex is found he feels like an idiot for accusing Jaki of stealing it. He starts to think that Jaki just might be the right woman for him and wonders if she’d like to work at the recreation center he plans to build, but he remains reluctant to bring up the subject to her.

Demonstrate the Change: Mitch accepts Jaki’s offer to help cook for the homeless, and he brings an amazing amount of food to the kitchen for an extra special meal. While they cook, they discuss everything that they could do for the recreation center that Mitch wants to build.

Reunion: Mitch finally fully realizes what a good-hearted person Jaki is. He garners all of his courage to give her a soulful kiss, to the applause of the homeless folks with whom they share a meal.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's 7 Stages of Love

What I learned: ‘;m not sure that these seven stages fit in perfectly with my 4 act structure, but I'm okay with that. Learning the conventions for the seven stages structure is a great help when plotting a rom-com. And creating seven stages, which are certainly not written in stone at this stage, is great for learning more about my characters.

7 Stages of Love
Meet-Cute: Mitch is amused at Jaki’s embarrassing welcome for his dad’s arrival at an assisted living home and even more amused and impressed when she transforms it into a teasing strip.

Attraction/Flirting: Mitch and Jaki accompany Mitch’s dad to an ice cream shop and find they have the same sense of humor and concern for Mitch’s dad.

Denial: Mitch is convinced that Jaki stole his dad’s vintage Rolex watch, and Jaki discovers that Mitch wants to buy the strip club where Jaki works and hopes to purchase the place herself.

Separation/Forced Together: Mitch’s accusations over Jaki stealing the watch cause the assisted living home to ban Jaki from volunteering, but when Mitch’s dad has a stroke (or something like that) they share a mutual concern for Dad.

Working Through Issues/Differences: Jaki buys the strip club only to have it severely damaged by a tornado. Mitch comes to her side to say he will aid her in rebuilding.

Hate/Betrayal/All Is Lost: Mitch insists on half ownership of the damaged building. Jaki accuses him of trying to run, if not ruin her life. She refuses to listen to his motivations for ownership.

Love Happens: Jaki is stunned to learn that Mitch wants to transform the former strip club into recreation center for the disadvantaged and he wants her to be its coordinator. Their mutual desire to help others causes them to accept their mutual desire for one another.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Bigger Story
What I learned from this assignment is that love cannot come until the characters endure a boatload of conflict.
Interesting world: The assisted living home where Jaki volunteers and where Mitch’s dad is a new resident. And the strip club where Jaki bartends.
Conflict: Mitch’s initial attraction to Jaki is impeded when he suspects that she is after his dad for his money. Jaki wants to buy the strip club where she works, hoping it will give her financial security. Mitch wants to buy the place in order to turn it into a recreation center for the disadvantaged.

ACT I
Opening: Jaki arrives at the assisted living home in a clown suit. She is supposed to give a special performance that will welcome Mitch’s father as the new resident.
Inciting Incident: Jaki shocks the assisted living home’s director when she starts to remove the clown suit by doing a sexy strip, which Mitch and the other residents find delightful.
Turning Point: Jaki sees Mitch at the strip club where she bartends and learns that he’s interested in buying the place, something she also planned to do.

ACT 2
New Plan: Desperate to gather enough funds to buy the strip club and to spite Mitch’s efforts to do the same Jaki flirts with Mitch’s dad in the hopes that he will give her the money for a down payment on the club.
Plan in Action: The assisted living director bans Jaki from the home due to her outrageous activities that she designed for the residents. However, Mitch’s dad helps her find a work-around, which causes Mitch to suspect Jaki is playing his dad for the money that she thinks he has.
Midpoint Turning Point: After learning his dad’s expensive watch is missing, he accuses Jaki of stealing it and sends the police to her house to search for it.

ACT 3
Rethink everything: Jaki decides to put her house up for sale in a last attempt to get the downpayment for the strip club, but she discovers that she will barely make a profit after the mortgage is paid. She confronts Mitch, accusing him of ruining her life.
New Plan: Mitch’s dad has a stroke, he’s downtrodden and miserable. Mitch tells him that he’ll do whatever is possible to make Dad happy and optimistic again. Dad requests a visit from Jaki, because she makes him laugh.
Turning Point: Huge Failure/ Major shift: When Jaki arrives to cheer up Dad, she overhears Mitch tell his Dad that she only showed interest because she wanted to bilk him out of his money. Jaki is genuinely hurt by the accusation and waits outside the hospital to confront Mitch. They have an argument in which they both make false accusations toward each other.

ACT 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the climax: Jaki decides to sell her house only to discover that Mitch has purchased the strip club. She believes that she is out of a job entirely.
She moves in with a friend and helps this woman at a homeless shelter, where she learns that Mitch plans to transform the strip club into a recreation center for the disadvantages.
Mitch finds his dad’s watch in some obscure place, locates Jaki and apologizes for believing that she stole it.
Resolution: Mitch asks Jaki to supervise the recreation center and would she please accept a dinner invitation from him. They let down their guard and admit feelings for one another.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Rom Com Project
What I’ve learned is seeing my characters become more three-dimensional and vulnerable.

Who is she: Jaki Buran: A bartender at the club where she was once a renowned stripper, and a volunteer at the assisted living home where she hopes to be hired as a caregiver.
Who is he: Mitch Nickelsen: A financier with a large inheritance who wants to establish recreation centers in disadvantaged areas.

What makes them loveable?
Jaki enjoys volunteering in an assisted living home.
Is rebellious if it means doing what’s best for herself and others.
Helps a friend who runs a free lunch and exercise program for the homeless.
Mitch cares deeply for his father.
He enjoys Jaki’s rebellious nature.
Always exploring ways to help the disadvantaged.

What attracts them to each other?
Jaki is initially attracted to Mitch because he finds humor in her unconventional ways.
She sees how much Mitch cares for his stroke victim father.
She thinks his money will solve all her problems.
Mitch enjoys Jaki’s blunt honesty.
He sees through her superficial want for material things.

What needs does each fulfill for the other?
Jaki can restore fun in Mitch’s life.
Mitch can give Jaki a sense of security.
They both need the barriers they have built around themselves knocked down. Mitch can do this for Jaki and vice versa.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Has Finished Act 4
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as an original and courageous writer.

I completed my first draft in Lesson 13, but what I've learned along the way is that I am capable of writing a first draft using high speed writing and I'm able to accept all its imperfections. I've realized the areas that require improvement, where I can elevate my characters and how the script can be improved by switching some of the scenes that were created in my outline. I'm grateful to have abandoned my one step forward and two steps back style of writing, something that I did because I was seeking perfection when I should've been moving forward. I've made notes on all the improvements that are ahead of me and I'm looking forward to the second rewrite.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Continues Act 4
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as an outrageous and original writer.
I not only continued Act 4, I completed Act 4.
What I learned was, I can stay true to an outline. I can write at a high speed. I can recognize what needs tweaking, changing, improving, elevating, and I can wait to do much of that in the next rewrite. I also learned how much fun I can have by following all the high speed writing rules.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Started Act 4
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I’ve learned is that I’m writing faster with every lesson. My characters continue to surprise me with their actions and dialogue as I dutifully stick with my outline. Whether I’m actually writing at 30% capacity remains to be seen, but I’m having a great time following the high-speed writing rules.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Finished Act 3
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as an outrageous and original writer.
What I learned is that I continue to enjoy expanding my outline into scenes and that my characters continue to surprise me with their dialogue. I’m seeing their personalities come to life. Although I know that I’ll be tweaking, editing and possibly rearranging scenes in the next rewrite, I wouldn’t get to that rewrite without doing a high speed first draft. .

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Continuing Act 3
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that my creativity is wide open while I follow my outline. Ideas and deeper layers that I never thought of during the outline process keep appearing on the page. It has served me well to proceed without knowing all the answers.

How’s it going? Great. I’ve never had more fun writing a first draft and that has a lot to do with letting go of perfection. What’s important is getting the story on the page.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned from this lesson is that it’s a real comfort to have the rom-com conventions as a guide. When I tried in the past to write a rom-com I pretty much got everything wrong.

Two people who belong together: Jaki’s priorities are finding a rich man and finding a way to help others. Mitch’s priorities are finding a way to use his inheritance to help the disadvantaged.

How are they separated: Jaki wants nothing to do with Mitch. She convinces herself that if he buys the place where she works, she’ll be out of a job and penniless. Mitch thinks Jaki is a gold-digger, after his dad’s money.

What forces them together: Their mutual concern over Mitch’s dad’s serious health problems.

Issues to be resolved: Jaki’s remorse over her husband’s senseless murder. Mitch’s resentment of his ex-wife after learning she married him for his money.

On their journey of love: They continually bump heads, either at Jaki’s night job or her day job at the assisted living home where his dad is a resident.

Experience of falling in love: When Jaki and Mitch allow a crack in the armor that they’ve built around their hearts they realize that they both want the same thing – to trust enough to see the good in another person.
Journey of Love: Jaki and Mitch go from constantly misunderstanding the other person’s motives to realizing they both long for the same things, to have a way of helping others and to once again find love in their lives.

Relationship set-up: Jaki is embarrassed by her first encounter with Mitch and enfuriated with him the second time they meet. Mitch believes Jaki stole a valuable from his dad and suspects her of being nothing but a golddigger, but when he realizes her empathy toward the disadvantaged he realizes they have common goals. Jaki does her best to keep a wall up, but after learning that Mitch has goals similar to hers, she sets out to discover what he’s really all about.

Issues each must resolve: Both must quit mistrusting others. Jaki needs to realize that love and money are two separate things. Mitch needs to learn that Jaki’s unconventional methods of helping the assisted living residents is done out of how deeply she cares.

Separation: Not sure on this one yet, but it’s possible that Jaki will be arrested on false charges, possibly brought on by Mitch, and he bails her out after realizing that he made a gigantic mistake. Or I might flip the as-yet figured out situation and have Jaki bring up charges against Mitch. Or something much better than this just may come to me.

How comedy will be expressed: Jaki’s part time job delivering flowers, etc. dressed in a clown suit.
Jaki removing the clown suit while doing a sexy strip.
Jaki showing her early contempt for Mitch by performing expert pole dancing moves.
Mitch joining a protest of assisted living residents who are fed up with their conventional recreation, such as boring bingo.
Jaki and Mitch accidentally locked in a closet together.
And I can’t wait to see what else may happen between these two, but that’s all I got right now.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi everyone, I’m Pat Fitzgerald

I;ve written two scripts that did well in contests but were totally unproducable due to being historical in nature and one crap script that languishes within this computer and deleting it would probably be an act of mercy.

What I hope to get out of this class is the knowledge of what constitutes a quality rom-com. I tried writing one once, but it was never completed simply because I didn't know in which direction I should take it. That’s why I’m looking forward to this class.
What’s unusual? Well, I am fanatical about researching the origins of American music, starting with English ballads that came to the country and then mixed with the African rhythms that slaves were able to salvage of their native culture. That’s the tip of the iceberg for me. I could go on and on, but right now I’d rather concentrate on this class!

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Began Act 3
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can ignore my inner critic even when the critic might be right. After writing three scenes I realized that they would have greater impact if they were in a different order. I was tempted to backtrack, rearrange and rewrite them, but doing this would stop my forward progress. I will deal with the situation in further rewrites so I can finish the first draft while honoring the high speed writing rules.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Completed Act 2
My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I’ve learned is to resist the temptation to backtrack and make changes to what I’ve already written. I continue to honor the high speed writing rules so I can forge forward and complete my first draft. I also learned that I’m capable of writing some funny dialogue while I'm doing this, however time and rewrites will tell if they actually remain in the script.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat continuing Act 2
My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that the high speed writing rules rule. I couldn't care less about wordsmithing at this time and my characters are all but writing their own dialogue. And as they speak I get more insight into their personalities. The deeper layers continue to reveal themselves.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Began Act 2

My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from writing with a timer is that I was far less anal over whether or not my spelling was accurate or if my descriptions 100% fit what my original thoughts were for them. The timer kept me focused on the fact that this is a first draft and my obligation is to follow my outline and get it on paper.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Finished Act 1
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned was to not backtrack. I caught myself wanting to do this, just to make minor changes in some dialogue. But I considered this to be a slippery slope. If I start to backtrack I just might fall into my old one step forward and two steps back, perfectionist-seeking way of writing. I forged ahead and was really quite surpriesd at some of the dialogue that my characters presented to me during the high speed writing process.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Next Act 1 Scenes

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I’ve learned is that I’m enjoying high speed writing and putting the days of backtracking, editing, reeditng and seeking perfection with every word behind me. My characters continue to surprise me with their dialog. I’;ve thought of a couple scenes that could be added. But I will not do that. I make a note about them as I stick to the outline.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My vision is to have fun completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that I've always been a tweaker, backtracking and changing things instead of moving forward, but following the High Speed Writing Rules is one hell of a lot of fun. I'm enjoying following my outline and letting the story flow. My characters are also surprising me with their dialogue. I'm learning more about them as I write. It's been a tad difficult to not add additional scenes, however I'm making notes of things that I may want to change. But right now the priority is to forge ahead and complete this first draft – and to continue to let go of perfection.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's High Speed Writing Rules

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that it really is fun to just write and not look back. I will continue to follow my outline and move forward while not worrying about quality. At this stage of writing, the important thing is to just get the words on paper.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's First Scene
My vision is to have fun while completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned is that it's going to be fun and easy to complete a first draft if I stick to my outline, don't go back and nitpick and edit, just move forward and throw perfection out the window.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat's Outline Exchange, One
Hi all,
I have a dark comedy called Retirement Pillage.
Concept: When a thrill-seeking woman moves to a retirement village she discovers a new slew of thrills by ending lives of the folks whom she deems unworthy of continuing to live.
I’m willing to look at any genre except sci-fi, just because I don’t know enough about sci-fi to do it justice.
If you’re interested in exchanging outlines please email me at: peggi_oh@yahoo.com.
Thanks in advance.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald's Fascinating Scenes Outline
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned: What a fascinating way to create fascinating scenes! This process helped my smooth out some plot conundrums, not to mention elevating the story. It took me longer than I thought it would, but the process was so necessary.

1. Beginning: (Intrigue) Tammi Jenkins stands next to an opened window, laughs. She can’t believe her husband was that stupid.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Off screen, voices shout that his head looks like a busted melon, all that blood, let’s get a photo for Instagram, etc.
End: (Radical Change) Tammi looks out the window, sees her husband next to a fallen ladder, head squashed. She screams for help.

2. Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Though she sobs uncontrollably, Tammi passes out refreshments to mourners at her husband’ss funeral.
Middle: (Intrigue) A strange woman, Violet Pankowski, tiptoes into the funeral home, goes to the closed casket and opens it to have a peek.
End: (Surprise) Tammi sees her, drops the tray of food and runs from the room.

3. Beginning: (Interesting setting) Violiet joins her old friend, Tammi, in the funeral home’s mortuary where bodies are laid out.
Middle: (Radical change) Tammi and Violet share glee that Tammi is free from her husband, and she got away with it again.
End: (Cliffhanger) Violet suggests that Tammi move into her retirement home, there’s lots of folks there who are sick of living. Their skills might be useful.

4. Beginning: (Interesting Setting) A ragtag group of senior citizens play old fashioned lawn darts, some blindfolded in a retirement village’s park.
Middle: (Intrigue) A moving van pulls up to a near-by house, an expensive car behind it.
End: (Surprise) A blindfolded man throws a dart that narrowly misses Tammi as she steps from the car.

5. Beginning: (Uncertainty) Tammi nervously fusses over a spread of food, not certain she should’ve made this move.
Middle: (Mislead) Violet wafts in, accompanied by a woman clutching an ugly matted dog. Violet introduces the woman as a good friend.
End: (Reveal) The dog takes a dump. The woman cries that the poor thing would be better off with someone who could take better care. Violet reminds Tammi about the folks who are sick of living.

6. Beginning: (Intrigue) Tammi peers out her window and spies pot plants above the fence of a home close to hers.
Middle: (Surprise) As Maynard Christensen tends his pot plants, Tammi peeks over the fence, waving a bong.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Tammi and Maynard sample his goods when Violet arrives, barely holding back her jealousy over Tammi flirting with her man.

7. Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Violet weaves her way through the blindfolded lawn dart game.
Middle: (Mislead) Tammi catches up with Violet, and catches a lawn dart that almost hit her head, apologies for not realizing Maynard is Violet’s SO. She just wanted to get high.
End: (Intrigue) Violet wants Tammi to accompany her to her “babysitting” job. This might be the place for their first so-called act of mercy.

8. Beginning: (Suspense) Tammi and Violet at the home of a man with dementia and his overburdened wife who announces that both she and the husband would be better off if he were dead. She leaves for a few hours of respite.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Tammi convinces Violet that the need to rearrange the home’s furniture while Dementia Man naps.
End: (Suprise) Dementia Man wakes, is confounded by the furniture change, falls down stairs and twists his neck. Tammi further twists it so the man will die.

9. Beginning: (Interesting setting; reveal; betrayal) In a cemetery above a high cliff, at Dementia Man’s funeral, Tammi openly flirts with Maynard.
Middle: (Radical Change) Violet arrives with Doggie Mom and Matted Dog. Tammi turns her back on Maynard and attentions to Violet.
End: (Surprise; Literal Cliffhanger) Violet slips on Matted Dog’s dump, causing a chain reaction with Tammi almost falling off the cliff. Violet saves her.

10. Beginning: (Intrigue; Mislead) Violet’s kitchen, Violet grabs for a bottle of pills that Tammi playfully holds above her head. Tammi insists she wants to be the one who has the pleasure of adding it to dog treats.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Tammi continues to mix dog treat ingredients, Violet, pissed at Tammi for taking over, holds a frying pan over Tammi’s head. Then backs down.
End: (Reveal) Tammi pretends to empty pills into the dog treat mixture, then turns a split second after Violet puts down the pan. They share a deadly smile.

11. Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Violet and Maynard in a hammock, in Maynard’s yard, sharing a doobie with Violet’s hands down below.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Violet tells Maynard that Matted Dog’s Days are numbered. It’ll be an act of mercy for the entire village.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment; Mislead) Maynard removes Violet’s hand from his nether regions, confesses to her that he hadn’t taken his Viagra, but his brow is wrinkled in worry.

12. Beginning: (Hope/Fear; Superior Position) Maynard pays Tammi a visit, tells her killing a dog is one step over. She better call if off or there will be consequences.
Middle: (Suspense) Tammi whispers in his ear. Maynard smiles, as –
End: (Superior Position; External Dilemma) Violet spies through a window at Tammi whispers to Maynard. She succumbs to the fact that this won’t be the first time they shared a man.

13. Beginning: (Interesting Setting; Mislead) Tammi visits Doggie Mom at her hoarder home, makes a big deal over Matted Dog, excuses herself to the bathroom. Matted Dog follows, because Tammi holds a treat out to him.
Middle: (Intrigue) Tammi passes Matted Dog out the bathroom window, then switches her pills for Doggie Mom’s pills.
END: (Superior Position) Hysterical Tammi runs to tell Doggie Mom that Matted Dog jumped out the window.

14. Beginning: (Suspense) Violet tries in vain to give Matted Dog a treat. It just growls at her.
Middle: (Surprise) A masked individual swoops out of nowhere, grabs the dog.
End: (Mystery) Violet stands helpless, watches Masked Person and dog disappear.

15. Beginning: (Hope/Fear) A village wide search for Matted Dog.
Middle: (Uncertainty; Mislead) Violet half-assed aids in the search and mutters to herself as to what’s wrong with the folks for caring so much for the dog.
End: Tammi consoles distraught Doggie Mom and suggests that maybe she should go home and take a happy pill.

16.Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Tammi and Violet join blindfolded lawn darts where there’s a discussion as to where is Doggie Mom, been missing for days.
Middle: (Superior Position) Tammi and Violet volunteer to check on her.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) At Doggie Mom’s front door Tammi and Violet wrinkle noses, gag, puke. They smell dead Doggie Mom. She’s really ripe.

17. Beginning: (Intrigue; Surprise ) First responders remove Doggie Mom’s body from her home when a woman in an electric wheelchair skids to a halt next to Tammi and Violet.
Middle: (Suspense) Wheel Chair Woman laments that the body isn’t her, that Doggie Mom is the lucky one to be free of her life.
End: (Cliffhanger) Tammi and Violet share a knowing smile.

18. Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment; Misinterpretation) Under the guise of wanting Tammi helps Wheelchair Woman off of a toilet, then brushes out her gnarled hair.
Middle: (Intrigue) Tammi tampers with Wheelchair Woman’s wheelchair.
End: (Suspense) Wheelchair Woman loses control of the chair and whizzes into the blindfolded lawn darts game and is missed by a barrage of darts, only to be saved by Tammi

19. Beginning: (Superior Position) Tammi suggests taking Wheelchair Woman on a picnic, to cheer her up.
Middle: (Interesting Setting; Suspense) At the cliffside cemetery Tammi wheels Wheelchair Woman to the cliff’s precipice so they can enjoy the view.
End: (Surprise) Wheelchair Woman wheels herself over the cliff. Tammi watches the wheelchair land on a ledge, W. Woman bounce out of it and splat below.

20. Beginning: (Surprise) Maynard in his yard, shaves off Matted Dog’s fur when Tammi sashays in and complements Maynard for saving the poor doggie.
Middle: (Twist) While Tammi informs Maynard that everyone is at W. Woman’s funeral, she seductively strips.
End: (Superior Position; Betrayal) Maynard and Tammi have sex in the hammock. Violet peeks over the fence, turns purple with rage.

ACT 3

21. Beginning: (Betrayal; Intrigue) Violet tampers with Tammi’s brakes.
Middle: (Mislead) Violet leaves a box of candy at Tammi’s front door, with a note saying that it’s from Maynard.
End: (Twist; Superior Position; Suspense) Tammi opens her front door in time to see Violet skulk off, she looks to the candy, knows something is up.

22. Beginning: (Superior Position; Reveal ) Tammi passes around candy at the lawn darts game, coerces Violet to have some.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) A collective puke commences.
End: (Suspense; Intrigue) In the midst of the puke Maynard arrives to ask Tammi if he can borrow her car – whispers to her that Matted Dog needs his shots.

23. Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment; Superior Position; Suspense) A puke clean up is in full swing when Violet sees Maynard drive past in Tammi’s car.
Middle: (Surprise) Violet watches the car not stop at the stop light at the village’s edge, hears a loud horn.
End: (Twist; Suspense) A semi t-bones the car. Maynard flies through the windshield.

24. Beginning: (Uncertainty) Violet is unconsolable; Tammis stands stoic while Maynard loaded into an ambulance and her car onto a tow truck bed.
Middle: (Surprise; Uncertainty) Tammi yells for the tow truck to wait. She runs to her car, inspects the front seat, then the back.
End: (Intrigue) Off the tow truck bed, Tammi looks to a bush, hustles to it, stuffs something into her huge handbag and scampers off. She stuffs it into her huge handbag and scampers off.

25. Beginning: (Surprise) Party in Maynard’s back yard. The Lawn Dart Crew strip buds off Maynard’s pot plants, roll and light up to celebrate his life. Violet mournfully languishes in the hammock
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Police walk in. Lawn Darters panic until a cop reminds them that pot’s legal. Cops are looking for Tammi.
End: (Betrayal) Violet tells them exactly where to find her.

26. Beginning: (Surprise; Uncomfortable Moment) Violet walks alone across the lawn dart field when Dog appears from nowhere and latches on to her ankle.
Middle: (Radical Change) Tammi sashays to Violet, who can’t shake off Dog, asks if she’s happy not that she’d finally responsible for the thrill of the kill.
End: (Twist; Radical Change) Violet charges Tammi, Dog still latched to her ankle, and a knock-down, drag-out fight starts, in which they air all their conflicts over the years.
27. Beginning: (Suspense) The fight continues across the Village green, Dog now barking and running circles around the fighting women. Lawn Darters leave Maynard’s yard to watch.
Middle: (Surprise) A Lawn Darter recognizes Dog and a cheer rings out. Matted 9
End: (Suspense; Betrayal; Surprise ) Tammi tells Lawn Darters that Violet wanted the dog dead. Lawn Darters go quiet, until one suggests that the best way to settle differences is at a picnic. A giant Lawn Darter scoops Tammi and Violet under each of his arms.
ACT 4
28. Beginning: (Suspense) Lawn Darters lay out food on picnic tables and fawn over Dog when a car pulls up, driven by Giant Lawn Darter.
Middle: (Betrayal) While Tammi watches from inside the car, Violet limps out, reminds Lawn Darters that she had the ingenuity to bring Tammi into the community to get rid of the undesirables. Tammi’s nothing but a cold-hearted killer.
End: (Suspense) Lawn Darters remind her that Dog was loved, no matter how ugly, that Violet’s the one who wanted rid of it. Maybe Dog should decide who the villain is here.

29. Beginning: (Dilemma; Mislead) Tammi saunters from the car, suggests that maybe everybody can just get along, including she and Violet.
Middle: (Intrigue) Tammi scoops up Dog, who eyes and growls at Violet, pets it. Dog licks her face. She sweetly tells Dog to be nice to Violet, now.
End: (Literal Cliffhanger) Tammi sets the dog down. Dog charges Violet who limps backwards, toward the cliff’s edge. Tammi holds out her hand to Violet.

30. Beginning: (Mislead) Violet hesitates, but takes Tammi’s hand. Tammi smiles so sweetly.
Middle: (Reveal) Dog again clamps on to Violet’s ankle. Violet tips backwards. Tammi lets go of Violet’s hand, scoops up Dog. And kicks Violet in the gut.
End: (Not so surprising) Violet falls off the cliff.

31: Beginning: (Surprise) Violet on the ledge beneath the cliff, has landed in W. Woman’s wheelchair.
Middle: (Suspense) Violet looks up, sees Lawn Darters and Tammi staring at her happenstance. A Lawn Darter starts lowering a rope.
End: (Surprise) Violet stands to reach for the rope, but stumbles due to her wounded ankle. She falls to her death.

32. Beginning: (Twist) Tammi and the Lawn Darters retreat from the cliff’s edge and start the picnic. Tammi wants to know what everyone wants to do for fun now.
Middle: (Intrigue; Betrayal) Lawn Darters look to one another, crowd around Tammi and force her to the cliff’s edge. Confused Tammi pleads for her life. They tell her nobody else wants to die. They can’t trust her, so there’s only one thing to do.
End: (Betrayal) Tammi falls off the cliff.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Scene Requirements
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned: This assignment helped me realize the scenes that were dead weight and needed to be eliminated and also caused me to see some remaining plot holes, which still aren’t totally filled in but I need to hurry and finish all assignments, so I can exchange outlines!

1. EXT: TAMMI JENKIN’S HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi screams when her husband falls from a tall ladder and die when his head hits the driveway.
Essence: Tammi is free from her husband.
Conflict: Will he survive the fall?
Subtext: Tammi hopes he will die
Hope/Fear: Tammi hopes he dies but fears he won’t.

2. INT: FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi breaks into tears when Violet Pankowski, her high school bestie, arrives and runs into the ladies room.
Essence: Tammi is reunited with her long lost bestie.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tammi can’t stop faking that she mourns her husband’s death.
Hope/Fear: We fear Tammi is overwhelmed. We hope Violet can console her.

3. INT. LADIES ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet enters the ladies room. She and Tammi share joy that the husband is dead.
Essence: Violet knows Tammi’s true nature.
Conflict: Tammi wants to resume her superior position over Violet.
Subtext: Violet knows that Tammi is capable of murder.
Hope/Fear: Hope the friendship is positive and further hope it continues.

4. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet uses reverse psychology to coerce Tammi into moving to Valhalla, the retirement village where she lives.
Essence: Violet knows how to control Tammi.
Conflict: Tammi can’t stand Violet thinking what’s best for her.
Subtext: Violet has plans for Tammi.
Hope/Fear: Hope Tammi makes the move, fear it may lead to trouble.

5. INT. VALHALLA COMMUNTY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet calls her quilting group to watch Tammi’s arrival.
Essence: Violet is relieved that Tammi took the reverse psychology bait.
Conflict:
Subtext: Violet’s plans for Tammi can now commence.
Hope/Fear: We hope the quilters are happy with Tammi’s arrival. We fear something ominous is about to happen.

6. INT. TAMMI’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet informs Tammi that Valhalla is rife for opportunity to revisit their high school-style pranks.
Essence: Tammi and Violet are confidants.
Conflict: Violet resents Tammi’s need to always be in charge.
Subtext: Violet wants to control Tammi.
Hope/Fear: Hope these two have fun, fear their fun may harm others.

7. INT: COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi meets the quilting group, particularly a complaining woman with an ugly dog.
Essence: Complaining woman might be better off dead.
Conflict: Tammi resents Violet’s superior position with the group.
Subtext: The quilters understand that Tammi is easy to control.
Hope/Fear: Hope Tammi fits in, fear she may do something lethal.

8. EXT: MAYNARD CHRISTENSEN’S BACK YARD – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi flirts with Maynard until Violet arrives. Via reverse psychology, Violet convinces Tammi accompany her to a resident’s home.
Essence: Maynard is Violet’s boyfriend.
Conflict: Violet and Tammi start to vi over Maynard.
Subtext: Violet resents Tammi but needs her help.
Hope/Fear: Hope Violet doesn’t lose her boyfriend, fear she will.

9. INT. DEMENTIA MAN’S HOME – INT.
Scene Arc: Tammi and Violet do Dementia Man’s wife a favor by seeing to it that he falls down tge basement stairs and dies.
Essence: Tammi enjoys killing people.
Conflict: Dementia Man almost foils Tammi’s plan.
Subtext: Violet is controlling Tammi.
Hope/Fear: We fear Tammi will succeed and further fear her when she does.

10. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: At Dementia Man’s funeral Tammi flirts with Maynard in front of Violet.
Essence: Tammi cares nothing for Violet’s feelings.
Conflict: Does Tammi’s behavior put a wedge between Tammi and Violet?
Subtext: Tammi is amoral.
Hope/Fear: Hope Tammi considers Violet’s feelings, fear she won’t.

11. EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Matted Dog takes a dump which Violet steps in. Matted Dog’s Doggie Mom blames Violet for not paying attention.
Essence: Violet’s anger at Doggie Mom.
Conflict: Violet versus Doggie Mom
Subtext: Doggie Mom might be Violet and Tammi’s next victim.
Hope/Fear: Hope nothing happens to Matted Dog, fear something will.

ACT TWO
12. INT. VIOLET’S HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi brings strong tranquilizes that Violet want to mix into dog treats.
Essence: Plan to kill off Matted Dog.
Conflict: Will Tammi cooperate in killing a dog?
Subtext: Tammi is secretly against the plan.
Hope/Fear: Hope nothing happens to Matted Dog, fear something will.

13. INT. MAYNARD’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Violet tells Maynard that Matted Dog’s days are numbered but Maynard tries to talk her out of the plan.
Essence: Maynard likes that dog.
Conflict: A growing rift between Violet and Maynard.
Subtext: Violet believes Maynard agrees with her feelings about the dog.
Hope/Fear: Hope nothing happens to Matted Dog, fear something will.

14. INT: COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet observes Maynard talking with Tammi outside of Tammi’s house.
Essence: Maynard and Tammi have some sort of bond.
Conflict: Violet is secretly pissed off at Tammi.
Subtext: Violet’s need to maintain control over Tammi.
Hope/Fear: We hope no harm comes to Tammi, fear that it will.

15. INT. DOGGIE MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Tammi visits Doggie Mom, where she switches Doggie Mom’s meds to strong tranquilizers and passes Matted Dog out a window to Violet.
Essence: Tammi is part of a conspiracy against Doggie Mom.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tammi is amoral.
Hope/Fear: We hope no harm comes to Matted Dog, fear it will.

16. EXT. DOGGIE MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Violet almost feeds poisoned treats to Matted Dog, but a masked person snatches the dog from her.
Essence: Matted Dog is stolen.
Conflict: The dog is stolen.
Hope/Fear: We hope Matted Dog will be okay and further hope that’s the case.

17. EXT. VALHALLA – DAY
SCENE ARC: An unsuccessful search for Matted Dog, during which Tammi suggests Doggie Mom take tranquilzers to calm herself.

18. EXT. DOGGIE MOM’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi and Violet will visit Doggie Mom who’s been missing for days, but they smell dead body once in her yard.
Essence: Doggie Mom is dead.
Conflict: Will they enter a house with a smelly dead body in it?
Subtext: Both know why Doggie Mom’s been missing.
Hope/Fear: Fear Doggie Mom overdosed and further fear it by the dead body odor.

19. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: A woman in a wheelchair laments that dead Doggie Mom is the lucky one and Tammi takes a sympathetic interest in her.
Essence: Tammi makes friends with a woman who wishes she was dead.
Conflict: Is this Tammi’s next victim?
Subtext: Tammi needs a new thrill of the kill.
Hope/Fear: Fear Tammi’s intentions and further fear she will succeed.

20. INT. WHEELCHAIR WOMAN’S HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi asks Wheelchair Woman if there’s anything she can do for her. Wheelchair Woman wants to go on an outdoor picnic.
Essence: Tammi will take Wheelchair Woman on a picnic.
Conflict: Wheelchair Woman doesn’t know Tammi’s intentions, but Tammi doesn’t know hers either.
Subtext: Another thrill of the kill for Tammi.
Hope/Fear: Hope Wheelchair Woman survives the picnic, fear she won’t.

21. EXT. CLIFFSIDE – DAY
Scene Arc: While Tammi set out picnic food Wheelchair Woman sends herself over the cliff, her wheelchair landing on a ledge, she on the ground below.
Essence: Wheelchair Woman commits suicide.
Conflict: Tammi didn’t get the chance to do the deed herself.
Subtext: Tammi is a killer.
Hope/Fear: Hope Tammi isn’t too disappointed, fear she might be.

22. EXT. MAYNARD’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet stops by to tell Maynard of Wheelchair Woman’s death and thinks she hears a faint sound of a dog barking in his house.
Essence: Maynard has a dog – Matted Dog?
Conflict: Maynard hides something from Violet.
Hope/Fear: We hope Matted Dog is alive, fear Violet misheard the dog barks.

23. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Scene Arc: At Wheelchair Woman’s funeral, Tammi asks Maynard if funerals are the main entertainment in Valhalla. He tells her to visit him later at his house.
Essence: Maynard is interested in Tammi.
Conflict: Maynard is Violet’s boyfriend.
Subtext: Tammi enjoys superiority over Violet.
Hope/Fear: We hope Violet doesn’t find out about this, fear she will.

24: INT. MAYNARD’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Maynard and Tammi have sex in the living room, oblivious to Violet peering through a window.
Essence: Violet caught Tammi and Maynard in the act.
Conflict: Violet’s jealousy over Tammi.
Subtext: Tammi has always gotten the upper hand over Violet.
Hope/Fear: We fear Violet wants revenge and further fear that she’ll get it.

ACT THREE
25. EXT: TAMMI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Violet tampers with Tammi’s car’s brake, then leaves a box of candy at the front door with a card allegedly from Maynard.
Essence: Violet put Tammi in danger.
Conflict: Violet is jealous of Tammi.
Subtext: Tammi always manages to get the upper hand over Violet.
Hope/Fear: We hope the candy isn’t poisoned, fear that it is.

26: INT. COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi brings the candy to the quilter’s group and everyone pukes because it’s poisoned.
Essence: Poisoned candy.
Conflict: Violet’s revenge against Tammi failed.
Subtext: Tammi got the upper hand.
Hope/Fear: We hope the feud stops here, fear it won’t.

27: INT. COMMUNITY ROOM – LATER
Scene Arc: A Well-Groomed Dog runs in, Maynard right after it, claims it’s a stray. Can he borrow a car to take it to the pound? Tammi tosses him her keys.
Essence: Maynard is about to take a car with bad breaks.
Conflict: Violet can’t say a word or she’ll expose her revenge plan.
Subtext: The feud between Violet and Tammi enters another level.
Hope/Fear: Hope Mayard will be okay, fear he won’t.

28. INT. TAMMI’S CAR – DAY
Scene Arc: Dog jumps out a window just before a semi turns in front of the car and Maynard dies.
Essence: Maynard’s dead.
Conflict:
Subtext: Violet killed the wrong person.
Hope/Fear: We hope the tiny dog survived, fear it didn’t.
29. INT. TAMMI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Violet arrives to tell Tammi the bad news. She knows. Police had told her that her brakes were bad. Yet she organized a meeting about this in the community room.
Essence: Violet gives Tammi old news.
Conflict: Violet resents Tammi’s superior position.
Subtext: Violet knows she’s responsible for Maynard’s death.
Hope/Fear: We hope Tammi doesn’t suspect Violet’s involvement, fear she does.
30. EXT. COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi and Violet argue over why the brakes were bad when she’d checked them only a week before.
Essence: Argument between Tammi and Violet.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tammi is positive that Violet tampered with her brakes.
Hope/Fear: We hope Tammi calls Violet out over the brakes, fear she won’t.
31. INT. COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Tammi and Violet in an argument that turns into a physical fight until the Dog runs in and bites Violet’s ankle.
Essence: Fight between Violet and Tammi.
Conflict: Tammi and Violet, with the dog turning against Tammi.
Subtext: The Dog knows that Violet’s the villain here.
Hope/Fear: We fear this fight will not end well.

32. INT. COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet shakes off the dog while a quilter suggests everyone calm down and go have a picnic.
Essence: Let’s change the subject, have a picnic.
Conflict: The dog versus Violet. Tammi versus Violet.
Subtext: The tension between Tammi and Violet does not settle down.
Hope/Fear: Fear this picnic will end badly. Hope that it won’t.

ACT FOUR
33. EXT. CLIFFSIDE – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet reminds the quilters that she brought Tammi in to get rid of the village’s undesirables. They tell her they hated Doggie Mom, not the dog.
Essence: The quilters turn against Violet.
Conflict: Violet versus the quilters.
Subtext: Tammi once again holds a superior position over Violet.
Hope/Fear: We hope this doesn’t end badly for Violet, fear it will.

34. EXT. CLIFF’S EDGE – DAY
Scene Arc: Quilters force Violet to the precipice. The dog clamps on to her ankle, but lets go just as Violet is pushed off the edge.
Essence: Violet falls off the cliff.
Conflict: Quilters forced Violet to jump.
Subtext: They all loved the dog but not Violet.
Hope/Fear: Fear that Violet is dead and see little hope.

35: EXT. LEDGE BELOW THE CLIFF – DAY
Scene Arc: Violet sits in the Wheelchair Woman’s wheelchair and a picnic basket is lowered from above. She reaches for it, loses her balance and falls to her death.
Essence: Violet dies.
Conflict: If only she hadn’t reached for that basket.
Subtext:
Hope/Fear:

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Intriguing Moments

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned: Intrigue moves the story forward.

Act One:
Intrigue: Violet uses reverse psychology to coerce Tammi to move into the Valhalla retirement community.
Mystery: Does Violet want her there for a specific purpose?
Superior Position: Violet again uses reverse psychology to convince Tammi to aid her in “babysitting” a man with dementia.
Covert Agenda: It’s time to complete the underhanded pranks that Tammi and Violet pulled in high school and commit the one they never had the chance to do – murder someone just for the thrill.
Scheme : Tammi and Violet rearrange furniture in the home of a man debilitated with dementia.
Covert Agenda: The purpose is to confuse the man so he becomes more disoriented than he already is and will fall to his death.
Conspiracy: Violet tells Tammi who their next victim will be, the obnoxious Doggie Mom and her equally obnoxious Matted Dog

Act Two:
Intrigue: While Tammi’s back is turned from Violet, Violet raises a meat cleaver over Tammi’s head, but quickly hides it when Tammi turns around.
Superior Position: Audience knows why Tammi visits Doggie Mom, to set up her demise.
Conspiracy: Tammi passes Matted Dog out the bathroom window, to Violet.
Mystery: A masked person whisks Matted Dog out of Violet’s hands.
Covert Agenda: Tammi suggests that Doggie Mom take something to calm herself.
Covert Agenda: At Doggie Mom’s funeral, Tammi volunteers to befriend a woman in a wheelchair who wishes she was dead, not Doggie Mom.
Intrigue: Wheelchair Woman wants Tammi to take her on a picnic overlooking a cliff.
Mystery: Violet thinks she hears a faint sound of a dog barking in Maynard’s house.
Secret: After Violet leaves, Maynard proceeds to give Matted Dog a haircut. He is the masked person who saved the dog from Violet.
Covert Action: Violet sets Tammi up to look like Tammi has stolen a bracelet from one of the Quilters.

Act Three:
Scheme: To get revenge on Violet for the bracelet incident Tammi brings her poisoned candy and eats a piece, just to prove it’s not poisoned.
Superior Position: The audience sees Tammi force herself to throw up, because the candy was poisoned.
Scheme: To further vex Violet, Tammi tampers with her car’s brakes.
Secret: When Maynard asks to borrow Violet’s car, Tammi keeps her mouth shut.
Intrigue: A Quilter breaks up a fight between Tammi and Violet to suggest everyone go for a picnic – at the cliffside.

Act Four:
Intrigue: The designs in the Quilters’ quilts, when laid out together, for a pentagram.
Hidden Identity: The Quilters are Satan worshippers.
Conspiracy: The Quilters are all angry with Violet for wanting the Matted Dog to die. They might be Satan worshippers, but they loved that dog! It’s Violet’s time to die.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Emotional Moments
My vision is to have fun while completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned doing this assignment was that my 3rd and 4th acts were far to fussy for a dark comedy. As I made the necessary improvements the emotional moments began to reveal themselves. Itwasn’t too difficult after than to add emotional moments to the rest of the script.

Act One:
Surprise: Tammi reveals herself to her husband in a seductive outfit and he falls to his death from a high ladder.
Bonding: Tammi’s long lost high school bestie, Violet, shows up at Tammi’s husband’s funeral.
Surprise: Tammi and Violet laugh over Tammi being rid of the burden of her husband.
Surprise: Tammi moves into the retirement village where Violet lives.
Betrayal: Tammi flirts with Violet’s boyfriend, Maynard.
Success: Tammi’s plan causes a man with dementia to fall down stairs and die.
Betrayal: Tammi openly flirts with Maynard at Dementia Man’s funeral.

Act Two:
Bonding: Tammi and Violet perform a ceremony in which they declare themselves mavens of mercy.
Moral Issue: Tammi is conflicted over Violet’s plan to do away with a dog.
Trigger Their Wounds : Violet raises a meat cleaver behind Tammi’s back when Tammi takes over Violet’s plans.
Bonding: Tammi visits the owner of an ugly dog in the hopes they will become friends.
Betrayal: Tammi hands the ugly dog to Violet, who has poison treats for it.
Surprise: A masked person steals the dog from Violet.
Distress: Tammi and Violet stand outside the home of the ugly dog’s owner and smell the rotting body of the owner.
Bonding: Tammi becomes the helpful friend of a lonely wheelchair bound woman.
Surprise: The wheelchair bound woman drives her electric wheelchair off a cliff.
Betrayal: Maynard and Tammi have sex.
Trigger Their Wound: Violet sets Tammi up, making it look like Tammi stole a bracelet from another woman.

ACT THREE:
Betrayal: Tammi tampers with Violet’s car’s brake.
Surprise: Members of the quilter’s group all puke when Violet gives them candy that Tammi had poisoned.
Surprise: Maynard shows up at the quilter’s group with a dog that he insists is a stray.
Surprise: Maynard dies in a car accident, while driving Violet’s car with the bad brakes.

ACT FOUR:
Surprise: The quilters are all Satan worshippers.
Betrayal: Tammi turns her back on Violet when the quilters determine that it’s her turn to die.
Distress: Violet can’t run from the quilters because a dog has bitten her ankle.
Moral Issue: Violet has landed on a ledge on the cliff and is still alive. Should the quilters lower some food to her or just let her die?

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald's Reveals!
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned was, as my outline improved the opportunities for set-ups and reveals presented themselves to me. It was then up to me to figure out how to present the set-up, what needed revealing and when. As always, let go of perfection, not worry if it’s not right yet because it’s going to get there.
ACT ONE: Tammi Jenkins promises kinky sex if her acrophobic husband will clean the gutters on their two-story house. Once on the latter, Tammi shakes it so hubbie loses his balance and falls to his death.
Tammi acts horrified as neighbors rush outside to see the tragedy. She scoops a child in her arms to shield the child from the sight of her dead husband oozing blood from his crushed head, but can hardly suppress a satisfied smile.
INCITING INCIDENT: Tammi’s husband’s funeral. Tammi sees to it that all the mourners have refreshments until her long-lost high school bestie, Violet Pankowski shyly enters, as if she is out of place.. Tammi breaks into sobs then rushes to a ladies’ room.
Violet looks to the other mourners, apologizes to anyone who doesn’t understand that she was once Tammi’s bestie. She joins Tammi in the ladies’ room, where they cover their mouths, giggling and maybe sharing some saying that they had in high school. Tammi is free of the burden of her hubbie.
Violet introduces herself to Tammi’s neighbor as Tammi passes out refreshments. Tammi overhears Violet talk of living in the Valhalla retirement village, but Violet’s not so sure Tammi would like the place. Tammi checks her smart phone, sees a home for sale in Valhalla.
Violet in Valhalla’s community room with the quilting club, the youngest of the group. She wafts about the room, promises a surprise is on the way – it’s a real killer. She hustles to the window, calls to the Quilters to come and watch a moving truck pull up to a house.
A car pulls up behind the moving truck, Tammi exits the car, looks around – she sees Violet and Quilters staring at her. Tammi waves, blows kisses.
Tammi’s house, a lavish spread of food in the dining area. Violet arrives with a bouquet and a joint – let the high school fun begin all over again. By the way, where’s Violet get the weed? None of Tammi’s business.
Tammi’s 1st time with the Quilters. She arrives with brownies.. The Quilter’s attire and ominous symbols on the quilts confuse her. The quilters prefer Violet’s brownies. Tammi tries one, discovers they are pot brownies – she thinks the quilters don’t know that. One quilter has a smelly dog with matted hair. Tammi almost gags as she compliments the woman on her pet. Violet, not to be outdone, pets the pup’s head.
Dressed seductively while she strolls through Valhalla, Tammi spies a home with a tall fence in the back yard, a pot plant pees over the fence.
Tammi sashays into Maynard Christensen’s, finds him tending pot plants. Tammi feigns interest in Maynard’s growing technique, while leaning over to show off her cleavage.
Violet shows up and let’s Tammi know that this is her gentleman friend, but Tammi’s free to stick around. Violet’s off to her “babysitting” job, which would bore Tammi. Violet starts to leaves shares a secret smile with Maynard, as Tammi hustles after her.
A Quilter peeks over Maynard’s fence, and Maynard tells him or her that the set up is gonna work.
TURNING POINT: Home where Violet “babysits.” Tammi chats with an elderly woman who talks of the rigors of caring for her dementia ridden husband. Violet appears, says she checked on Dementia Man, he’s napping. Wife can get out for a while.
Tammi enlists Violet to rearrange the furniture. The D. Man wakes up, stumbles and trips over furniture. He opens a door, to the basement, falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.
D Man’s funeral. Violet in the background watches oh-so dramatic Tammi feel so guilty that D. Man dies. Violet and Wife ruefully nod at one another.
Owner of matted dog shows up, dog in tow. It takes a dump and D. Man’s widow accidentally steps in it. Violet asks Tammi if she’s ready to strike again – or something like that.

ACT TWO: NEW PLAN: Tammi convinces a reluctant Violet hat they should adorn themselves and have a ceremony in which they declare themselves mavens of mercy, pledging to put residents who have no quality of life out of their misery.
PLAN IN ACTION: Violet’s home – Sh bakes weed brownies for the next quilting meeting, Tammi produces strong tranquilizers her doc gave her after hubbie’s death – maybe she could put them to good use. Violet suggests doing something about Matted Dog. Tammi is reluctant – kill a dog? Still, she empties tranquilizer contents into homemade dog treats.
Maynard’s house – Violet and Maynard in bed. Violet tells him that damned Matted Dog will finally be gone. Maynard gives her a look that says he’s not sure he really know who she is – or something like that.
On the guise of wanted to make new friends, Tammi visits Matted Dog’s owner, asks to use the bathroom and coerces M. Dog to go with her. She hands Matted Dog out the window, to Violet, then proceeds to check out Doggie Mom’s medicine cabinet.
A ski-mased person grabs M. Dog from Violet and runs off. WTF?
Tammi rushes from the bathroom, frantic. Tells Doggie Mom owner that M. Dog jumped out the window.
A community search for M. Dog, but it’s not found. Doggie Mom is devastated. Tammi comforts her, suggests she takes something to calm herself.
At the quilters group – where is Doggie Mom? No one has seen her for days. Violet suggests that she and Tammi check on her.
Outside Doggie Mom’s house, Violet and Tammi wrinkle their noses – they think they smell Doggie Mom.
An ambulance arrives and Doggie Mom is taken out, covered by a sheet. A woman in an electric wheel chair approaches, sees the scene and declares Doggie Mom the lucky one. Violet gives Tammi a secret smile – maybe they mouth their high school secret saying.
Tammi does Wheelchair Woman’s hair, shopping, brings her dinner, asks if there’s anything else she’d want. W Woman confesses she longs to see a gorgeous sun set.
Tammi does her best to stuff W Woman and her wheelchair into her car.
At a cliffside, W Woman sighs, tells Tammi that she can now die happy. W Woman wheels herself off the cliff – much to Tammi’s surprise. Tammi looks over the cliff, sees the wheelchair on a ledge, minus W. Woman.
Violet in Maynard’s back yard, tells him. Faint sounds of a dog bark when she arrives, or so Violet thinks. She tells Maynard that Tammi is playing into everyone’s hands, but when does Violet get her revenge? Maynard has an idea.
At WW’s funeral – Tammi flitters about the room, asks Maynard if funerals are the only form of fun at Valhalla. Maynard suggests Tammi visit him later at his house.
Tammi sashays into Maynard’s house – doesn’t waste time seducing a very willing to Maynard. Violet barges in, feigns anger – Tammi knew that Maynard is hers!
At a quilter’s home, Violet brings weed brownies and explains she needs to borrow a bracelet. Would Woman please act surprised and angry when she sees who will be wearing it at the next meeting?
Violet visit’s Tammi, who is busy painting her bedroom and offers Tammi the bracelet as an apology gift. Violet pages through Tammi’s photo album, turns furious at a photo of Tammi and a boy at a high school homecoming.
Tammi brandishes the bracelet to the quilting group. The quilter, to Violet’s delight, accuses Tammi of stealing her bracelet. Tammi insists she found it on a sidewalk and returns the bracelet, as she glares at Violet.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT, ACT 3: Nighttime – Tammi tampers with Violet’s car’s brakes.
To further spite Violet, Tammi brings candy doctored with expectorant to the quilting group. A collective puke stains all those quilts.
While the Quilters recover and Tammi leads them in removing the puke stains, Maynard arrives to ask Violet if he can borrow her car. While Violet tosses him the keys, Tammi keeps her mouth shut.
Later – Tammi’s house, where she repaints her bedroom, Violet rushes in, tells Tammi that Maynard was in a car accident – something about the brakes in her car failing. Maynard’s okay, but he’s at the hospital. Can Violet borrow her care. Tammi insists on going along.
Later – Tammi’s Car: Maynard insinuates someone tampered with Violet’s brakes. Tammi acts innocent, but Maynard asks, didn’t she take auto mechanics in high school? Tammi goes stoic. A look between Violet and Maynard – shit, he should never have said that.
Maynard’s house – Violet and Tammi put Maynard to bed, to rest. Violet points to the door, Tammi can leave. Violet will stay with Maynard.
Tammi stomps from the bedroom, slams the front door, but doesn’t leave. She snoops through Maynard’s desk drawers, and finds the same photo she has of her and a boy at homecoming – Maynard’s son???
Tammi overhears Violet and Maynard discuss whether it’s Tammi’s time. Violet says the quilters still have plans for her, and isn’t she so easy to manipulate? Tammi tiptoes out
Tammi furiously repaints her bedroom when she notices the Quilters skulk into the community room.
Community room: Violet tells the quilters that if they need any more of Tammi’s services, they better speak up before it’s Tammi’s time to go. Tammi waltzes inside. Violet slumps, so disappointed. they were planning a surprise party of Tammi.
ACT FOUR: ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF CONFLICT: Tammi feigns delight. She’d love a party that’s not a funeral. Could it be like a high school homecoming dance?
Violet’s driveway: Violet repairs the brakes on her car. Tammi speaks from behind her, reminds Violet that they both took auto mechanics only to get boyfriends and invitations to homecoming dances – that’s right Violet didn’t go, did she? Well, she’ll have her chance at the upcoming party.
While Tammi hangs crepe paper decorations for her party, Maynard arrives. He wants to take Tammi out for a fun picnic.
Maynard’s car. Back seat is loaded with blankets, a picnic basket, and a well-groomed tiny dog! But Maynard hands her the homecoming photos – didn’t she remember going to homecoming with his son. She remembers the dance, but she was such a slut it’s hard to remember all the boys.
Cliffside: Maynard, well-groomed dog in hand opens the car door for Tammi. She steps out to see-
Violet, the Quilters and their quilts spread out in a pentagram shape.
The Quilters surround Tammi. Violet hangs back – can’t figure out why Maynard has that dog.
Quilters congratulate Tammi on helping them get rid of residents they couldn’t stand. Did she think they were just an innocent bunch of quilter? Look at the symbols on their quilts. They have nothing against murder. They just needed a murderer to Now maybe it’s time for them to experience the same type of thrill.
Violet steps up, reminds Tammi that she had sworn revenge back in high school when Tammi stole her homecoming date.
As they get closer to the cliff’s edge, Tammi pleads with the Quilters – let her live and she’ll keep doing their bidding. Who needs to be put out of their misery? Who else to they hate?
Maynard enters the fray, Dog in his arms. Violet orders him to tell Tammi how she ruined his son’s life by dumping him after homecoming. Didn’t he disappear? Yes, but he reappeared years late, a successful veterinarian.
Maynard sets the dog down. It charges Violet, bites her ankle. Violet tries to shake it off, as she moves closer to the cliff’s edge.
Tammi wriggles free of the melee and starts to set food out for the picnic.
The Quilters tell Violet that they might’ve hated Doggie Mom, but they loved that dog? How could anyone want to kill a dog? She did, didn’t she?
Violet shakes off the dog and falls over the cliff.
Ledge below top of the cliff: Violet has landed in W. Women’s chair. She looks down, into an abandoned pit mine. Maybe she could climb down? Tries to stand, but her swollen ankle from the dog bite stops her.
She looks up, hears a party going on. Who else do the Quilters hate and want to see dead. Oh, Tammi, you fit in so good with us.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Character Action Tracks

My vision is to have fun while completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned doing this lesson is, for one thing, to let go of perfection so much that I am okay with turning in an incomplete assignment. Also, in the process of using my characters’ profiles to give them actions, I saw many plot holes and areas where my plot was just blah and mediocre. It became essential to give my characters action while improving the plot, something I have not totally completed. But it’s time to let this go. I’ve have learned it’s okay to do that. I’m confident that I’ll figure it all out during the next lesson.

ACT ONE: Tammi Jenkins promises kinky sex if her acrophobic husband will clean the gutters on their two-story house. Once he’s on the latter, Tammi shakes it so hubbie loses his balance and falls to his death.
Tammi acts horrified as neighbors rush outside to see the tragedy. She scoops a child in her arms to shield the child from the sight of her dead husband oozing blood from his crushed head, but can hardly suppress a satisfied smile.
INCITING INCIDENT: Tammi’s husband’s funeral. Tammi sees to it that all the mourners have refreshments until her long-lost high school bestie, Violet Pankowski shyly enters, as if she is out of place.. Tammi breaks into sobs then rushes to a ladies’ room.
Violet looks to the other mourners, apologizes to anyone who doesn’t understand that she was once Tammi’s bestie.. She joins Tammi in the ladies’ room, where 6hey cover their mouths, giggling and maybe sharing some saying that they had in high school. Tammi is free of the burden of her hubbie.
Violet introduces herself to Tammi’s neighbor as Tammi passes out refreshments. Tammi overhears Violet talk of living in the Valhalla retirement village, but Violet’s not so sure Tammi would like the place. Tammi checks her smart phone, sees a home for sale in Valhalla.
Violet in Valhalla’s community room with the quilting club, the youngest of the group. She wafts about the room, compliments everyone’s quilts, then peers outside. She hustles to the window, calls to the women to come and watch a moving truck pull up to a house.
A car pulls up behind the moving truck, Tammi exits the car, looks around – she sees Violet and the women staring at her. Tammi waves, blows kisses.
Violet waves back, tells the women something cryptic over how Tammi will benefit them all.
Tammi’s house, a lavish spread of food in the dining area. Violet arrives with a floral bouquet and a joint – let the high school fun begin all over again.

Tammi invites herself to the quilting group, bearing a plate of brownies. She’s ooh and ahhs over the quilts that bear ominous symbols. The quilters prefer Violet’s brownies. Tammi tries one, discovers they are pot brownies – she thinks the quilters don’t know that. One quilter has a disgustingly ugly, sore ridden, smelly dog with her. Tammi almost gags as she compliments the woman on her pet. Violet, not to be outdone, pets the pup’s head.

Tammi spies a home with a tall fence in the back yard, a pot plant peeking over the top of the fence. She dresses seductively and –

Tammi sashays into the back yard of Maynard Christensen, finds him tending pot plants. Tammi feigns interest in Maynard’s growing technique, while leaning over to show off her cleavage. Violet shows up and let’s Tammi know that this is her gentleman friend.

Later, Maynard’s house, the three get high and talk about Violet’s “babysitting” job – a man with dementia – husband of one of the quilters and the burden of him is getting too much for the woman. Tammi asks to go with Violet next time she babysits Violet and Maynard share that secret smile.

The women leave, Tammi giving Maynard a seductive smile and Violet shaking her head, as if to say, I knew she’d want you., Maynard takes a photo of a high school boy from a desk drawer and talks of a set up that’s in place.

TURNING POINT: Home of Dementia Man. While he naps, Tammi enlists Violet to rearrange the furniture. The man wakes up, is more confused than ever. He gets angry, says he’s going for a walk, opens the door to the basement, falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.

The Man’s funeral. Violet follows Tammi’s lead by feeling awful over his death. His wife lets them know that the fall was an act of mercy. The disgusting old dog takes a dump. Dementia Man’s widow accidentally steps in it.

ACT TWO: NEW PLAN: Tammi convinces a reluctant Violet that they should adorn themselves in the quilts from the quilting club. Tammi leads Violet in an elaborate ceremony in which they declare themselves the mavens of mercy and pledge to put residents who have no quality of life out of their misery.

Maynard secretly watches from outside. Violet sees him and they share a secret thumbs up.

PLAN IN ACTION: While Violet bakes weed brownies for the next quilting meeting, Tammi produces strong tranquilizers her doc gave her after hubbie’s death – maybe she could put them to good use. Violet suggests doing something about that ugly dog.

Tammi empties tranquilizer contents into homemade dog treats.

Tammi visits Ugly Dog’s owner, asks to use the bathroom. She hands Ugly Dog out the window to Violet, then checks the Owner’s meds – she switches the woman’s tranquilizers with her strong ones.

Violet grabs Ugly Dog, while-

Tammi rushes from the bathroom, frantic because Ugly Dog jumped out the window.

A community search for Ugly Dog, but it’s not found. Doggie Mom is devastated. Tammi comforts her, suggests she takes something to calm herself.

At the quilters group – talk of where is Doggie Mom? No one has seen her for days. Violet suggests that she and Tammi check on her.

Outside Doggie Mom’s house, Violet and Tammi wrinkle their noses – they think they smell Doggie Mom. Then feign oh-so much grief that she’s gone.

An ambulance arrives and Doggie Mom is taken out, covered by a sheet. A woman in an electric wheel chair approaches, sees the scene and declares Doggie Mom the lucky one. Violet gives Tammi a secret smile and maybe they mouth their high school secret saying.
Tammi takes Wheelchair Woman, shopping, to get her hair done, brings her dinner and WW confesses that she longs to see a gorgeous sun set.

Tammi does her best to stuff WW and her wheelchair into her car.

At a cliffside, WW sighs, tells Tammi that she can now die happy. WW wheels herself off the cliff – much to Tammi’s surprise.

Tammi arranges flowers for Wheelchair Woman’s memorial service, while Violet watches. She mentions to Violet that she’s having more fun than in high school. Voilet secretly records this on her phone.

Violet at Maynard’s house – they’re in bed when Violet produces video from her phone. Tammi is playing into everyone’s hands, but when does she and Maynard make sure she gets what’s coming to her? Maynard has an idea as to how to put the wheels in mothon but Violet has to promise not to be jealous.

At WW’s funeral – Tammi flitters about the room, asks Maynard if funerals are the only form of fun at Valhalla. Maynard suggests Tammi visit him later at his house.

Tammi sashays into Maynard’s house – doesn’t waste time seducing a very willing to Maynard. Violet barges in, feigns anger – Tammi knew that Maynard is hers!

At a quilter’s home, Violets brings the woman a gift of weed brownies and explains she needs to borrow a bracelet. Would Woman please act surprised and angry when you see who will be wearing it at the next meeting.

Violet visit’s Tammi, who is busy painting her bedroom a puky pink color and offers Tammi the bracelet as an apology gift.

Tammi brandishes the bracelet to the quilting group. The quilter, to Violet’s delight, accuses Tammi of stealing her bracelet. Tammi insists she found it on a sidewalk and returns the bracelet, as she glares at Violet.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT, ACT 3: Nighttime – Tammi tampers with Violet’s car’s brakes.

To further spite Violet, Tammi brings candy doctored with expectorant to the quilting group. A collective puke stains all those quilts.

While the ladies recover and Tammi leads the group into removing the quilt stains, Maynard arrives to ask Violet if he can borrow her car. While Violet tosses him the keys, Tammi keeps her mouth shut.

Later – Tammi’s house, where she’s changing the color of her puky pink bedroom, Violet rushes in, tells Tammi that Maynard was in a car accident – something about the brakes in her car failing. She begs Tammi to take her to the hospital so they can pick up Maynard.

Tammi’s Car: Maynard insinuates someone tampered with Violet’s brakes. Tammi acts innocent, but Maynard asks, didn’t she take auto mechanics in high school? Tammi goes stoic. A look between Violet and Maynard – shit, he should never have said that.

Maynard’s house – Violet and Tammi put Maynard to bed, to rest.. Violet points to the door, Tammi can leave. Violet will stay with Maynard.

Tammi stomps from the bedroom, slams the front door, but doesn’t leave. She opens the drawer that Maynard had taken the photo out of. Tammi stares at the photo, looks for others, almost finds one but she hears –

Violet and Maynard discuss whether it’s Tammi’s time. Violet says the quilters still have plans for her, and isn’t she so easy to manipulate? Tammi tiptoes out.

Tammi furiously repaints her bedroom when she notices the quilting women skulking into the community room.

Community room: Violet tells the quilters that if they need any more of Tammi’s services, they better speak up. It’s getting close to Tammi’s time to go. Tammi waltzes inside. Violet slumps, so disappointed. they were planning a surprise party of Tammi.

ACT FOUR:ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF CONFLICT: Tammi feigns delight. She’d love a party that’s not a funeral. Could it be reminiscent of a high school homecoming dance?

Violet freezes. She knows that Tammi knows something is up, but she needs to get the upper hand. Violet tells the story of Tammi having such a good time at homecoming until that awful accident. Tammi interrupts – they’re having fun, not reminiscing over tragedies. Violet excuses herself – Tammi’s in charge now. Maybe Violet should be the one surprised by the party.

Violet repairs the brakes on her car, jumps with surprise when Tammi speaks from behind her, reminds Violet that they both took auto mechanics. Ruefully smiling Violet turns around to reminisce over taking the course just to get to the boys. Tammi asks Violet to bring photos of their homecoming to the upcoming party.

Maynard’s house – Slightly wounded Maynard and Violet talk about Tammi figuring things out, that she wants homecoming photos at the party. Maynard looks to the desk. Without saying a word, Violet goes to the desk, takes out the photos? Had Tammi seen them?

While Tammi hangs crepe paper decorations for her “homecoming” party, she receives a calligraphied invitation from Maynard, to have dinner at his house.

Maynard receives a call. It’s Tammi. Why don’t they meet at a restaurant? Tammi will drive. Maynard insists that they Uber.

At the restaurant, overlooking the same cliff that Wheelchair Woman drove off of, Tammi confesses that she had snooped in his and saw the homecoming photos. Was that his son? Maynard is amazed that she doesn’t remember. Tammi confesses that she was quite the slut back then, how could she remember all of them. Maynard wants to do “something” about Violet. Tammi leans in.

Tammi skulks from Maynard’s house, tip toes through Valhalla,she hears something rustle through bushes. It’s Ugly Dog. It runs to her and ankle bites. Tammi can’t shake it off. She shakes and shakes until the dog goes flying, as –
Tammi limps off, looking in all directions – WTF?

Tammi on the couch, ice pack on her swollen ankle. Knock on the door. Before Tammi can get up, Violet sashays in – like Tammi would do and reminds Tammi that it’s party day, time to get going. Confrontation between the two over who Maynard’s kid. Violet says they’ll talk about it later, but they have to get to the goddamn party, and oh, the location has changed. It’s now at the restaurant overlooking the cliff.

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At Violet’s house. Violet pets ugly dog. Maynard asks why she finally consented to doing Tammi in. Violet says Tammi went to far when she told her to kill a dog. Enough was enough.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s New Outline Beats
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that working the outline from front to back and then back to front opened my mind to many deeper layers and possible reveals. It’s still not perfect, but it’s not supposed to be yet. I can’t wait to start the next lesson!

Act One:
Opening: Tammi Jenkins (PJ)engineers a plot to get her husband to fall from a tall ladder which results in his death.
Tammi acts horrified as neighbors rush outside to witness the accident. She scoops a child in her arms to shield the child from the sight of her dead husband oozing blood from his crushed head, but can hardly suppress a satisfied smile.
INCITING INCIDENT: Tammi’s husband’s funeral: Her long-lost high school bestie, Violet Pankowski (AJ) arrives. She then rushes to a ladies’ room, sobbing.
Violet joins Tammi. They cover their mouths, giggling – Tammi is free of the burden of the hubbie.
Tammi and Violet talk with Tammi’s neighbor. Violet lives the Valhalla retirement village. Neighbor suggests perhaps that would be a good move for Tammi. A mysterious smile on Violet’s face.
Next day: Tammi checks the website of the Valhalla Retirement Village – a home is for sale.
Violet is in Valhalla’s community room with the quilting club, the youngest of the group. She and the women hustle to the window and watch a moving truck pull up to a house.
A car pulls up behind the moving truck,Tammi exits the car, looks around – she sees Violet and the women staring at her. Tammi happily waves.
Violet waves back, that same mysterious smile..
Tammi moves into the retirement village where Violet lives. The youngest residents, they quickly see the opportunity to become leaders of the pack, but Violet secretly seethes at Tammi’s arrival.
Tammi’s house, she and Violet share a joint. Tammi ‘s thinks a great idea would be to start the same type of fun they had in high school. And by the way, Tammi wants to meet the Valhalla weed dealer.
Violet takes Tammi to the quilting group. The quilts all bear witchcraft symbols – Violet’s idea and refreshments are weed brownies – all Violet’s idea. Yet the quilters do little more than sew and bitch over old age.
Tammi meets Maynard Christensen in his back yard, tending pot plants. As they strike up a conversation Violet hurries toward them – he’s Violet’s boyfriend and Valhalla’s weed dealer.
Later, Maynard’s house, the three get high and laughingly talk of putting the quilters out of their old age misery. Violet and Maynard share that mysterious smile
After Violet leaves, Maynard takes a photo of a high school boy from a desk drawer and talks of the set up that’s in place.
Turning Point: Violet invites Tammi to accompany her while she “babysits” a grouchy man with dementia – he’s fucking awful. Oops, when the man stands at the top of the basement stairs, Tammi gives him a little push. It’s over for him.

ACT TWO: NEW PLAN: Tammi and Violet perform an elaborate ceremony in which they declare themselves the mavens of mercy and pledge to put residents who have lost the will to live out of their misery. Tammi thinks she’s in charge.
Maynard watches from outside and secretly videos the ceremony.
Plan in Action: Tammi’s surprise, Violet orchestrates the death of a woman's aging pet.
Tammi finds a way to give the pet’s owner a pill overdose, confident will look like a suicide.
At the Woman’s funeral, Tammi and Violet hear the talk all over again about everyone hating old age.
Tammi sets her sights on a woman in an electric wheelchair, distracts her so she speeds over a curb and is hit by a bus.
Violet secretly videos the event, acts jealous that Tammi didn’t let her in on the plot
Violet steals a bracelet from another resident and gives it to Tammi as a birthday gift.
Tammi wears the bracelet to the quilting group. The resident recognizes her bracelet and accuses Tammi of being a thief. Tammi insists she found it on a sidewalk and returns the bracelet.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: To spite Violet, Tammi seduces a more than willing Maynard.
Later, Maynard and Violet share a private laugh over Tammi’s actions. But Violet agrees to act jealous.
Maynard emerges from under Tammi’s car, but we don’t know why.
To further spite Violet, Tammi brings doctored candy to the quilting group. A collective puke stains all those quilts.
Later, at a quilting contest, viewed by Violet and Tammi the puke stains add abstract interest. One of the quilts wins.
Angry Tammi speeds away from the contest. Her brakes go bad and she hits the contest winner.

ACT THREE: Another funeral – talk of funerals now being Valhalla residents social life.
Maynard insinuates Tammi purposely knew her brakes were bad and intentionally put the woman’s life in danger.
Tammi repairs her brakes herself – realizes they were tampered with.
Tammi invites Violet to dinner at her house. Violet coerces Tammi into a restaurant meeting, saying they deserve a night free of cooking.
At the restaurant, a meeting over whether or not they should team up and make Maynard their next target.

TURNING POINT: Tammi drugs Maynard before they have sex but before he passes out Maynard discovers a lump on Tammi’s breast.
Maynard’s passed out. Tammi snoops through his belongings, finds a prom photo of Violet and a boy – Maynard’s son? Didn’t he commit suicide? But that lump has her distracted.

Act Four:
Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Tammi is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, she has a whole new attitude over thinking she has the right to take the lives of others.
Tammi tries to hide her diagnosis from Violet, but prodded by Maynard, Violet impersonates Tammi on a phone call to Tammi’s doctor and learns the truth.
Violet talks with Maynard – she should simply perform a maven of mercy act on Tammi – after all, what she got to live for now? Maynard wants Tammi’s death to be spectacular in some way.
Tammi confronts Violet about her brakes being tampered with? Who would do that? Does it remind Violet of anything from their past? Who is Maynard anyway? Vilet remains mum, goes off to the quilting club.
Tammi enters the community room to see that the quilts will be hung in exhibition. A quilter asks Tammi to please climb a ladder and help secure a quilt to a rafter.
Reluctant, Tammi agrees. When on top of the ladder she is surrounded by the quilters and Violet. Violet reminds Tammi of prom, how Tammi was jealous that Violet went to prom with Tammi’s former boyfriend.
Maynard arrives, asks Tammi if she didn’t tamper with the brakes of the boyfriend? Wasn’t she responsible for his death?
Tammi realizes she’s the victim of an elaborate plot Is this all revenge for the boy’s death? Maynard informs Tammi the boy was his son. Finally, karma caught up with Tammi.
Tammi pleads with the quilters to help her out, but –
The quilters inform Tammi that those witchcraft and satanic designs on their quilts aren’t by accident. They’ve been waiting for years for a human sacrifice of their choice? Violet has been waiting for decades to get even with Tammi for Tammi always insisting that Violet follow her lead.
Violet pushes the ladder over. Tammi’s head lands on a cement block strategically placed by Maynard.
Tammi’s funeral – The quilters might hate old age, but they’re still alive, so maybe it’s time to start a whole new bunch of quilts while Violet searches for their new victim.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from doing this assignment is, as usual, to forget about perfections, plus the importance of the deeper layer. It’s important to keep my character’s subtext in mind at all times.

Act One:
Opening: Tammi (PJ)engineers a plot to get her husband to fall from a tall ladder which results in his death.
Deeper Layer: Tammi is an amoral woman who is confident that she can get away with murder.
At her husband’s funeral, Tammi is reunited with her long-lost high school bestie, Violet Pankowski (AJ) , to whom Tammi confesses her relief that her husband is finally out of her hair.
Deeper Layer: Tammi and Violet have a dark past.

Inciting Incident: Tammi moves into the retirement village where Violet lives. The youngest residents, they quickly see the opportunity to become leaders of the pack, but Violet secretly seethes at Tammi’s arrival.
Deeper Layer: Violet sees Tammi’s arrival as a threat to her role of leader of the pack in the village.
Violet takes Tammi to her quilting group, where the women do little more than sew and complain over hating old age.
Violet introduces Tammi to her boyfriend, Maynard Christensen, an older attractive man, who coincidentally is the village’s weed dealer. They get high together and laughingly talk of putting the quilters out of their old age misery.
Deeper layer: Maynard knows who these women are from their high school days, when they pulled mean pranks on their contemporaries, including his son who committed suicide.
Tammi brings weed-laced brownies to the quilting group, and everyone has a better time than they have in a long time.
Deeper Layer: Violet is jealous that Tammi thought of this prank.
Turning Point: Violet “babysits” a man with dementia so his wife can have a few hours to herself. When Tammi stops by, the two of them plot the man’s “accidental” death – after all, he no longer has anything that resembles quality of life. But before they can act out their plots, the man trips and falls down the basement stairs. His wife returns home and is relieved that it’s finally over for the old man.
Deeper layer: Tammi and Violet see an advantage to putting others out of their misery.

Act Two:
New Plan: Tammi and Violet perform a silly, but elaborate ceremony in which they declare themselves the mavens of mercy and pledge to put residents who have lost the will to live out of their misery.
Maynard watches from outside and secretly videos the ceremony.
Deeper Layer: Maynard wants evidence that these two are up to no good.
Plan in Action: Tammi’s surprise, Violet orchestrates the death of a woman's aging pet.
Deeper Layer: Tammi is angered that Violet is taking the lead role away from her.
Tammi finds a way to give the pet’s owner a pill overdose, confident will look like a suicide.
At the Woman’s funeral, Tammi and Violet hear the talk all over again about everyone hating old age.
Tammi rigs a resident’s electric wheelchair so it can’t be stopped. Oops, the woman speeds over a curb and is hit by a car. Another one hits the dust – so to speak.
Violet, jealous that Tammi didn’t let her in on the plot, steals a bracelet from another resident and gives it to Tammi as a birthday gift.
Tammi wears the bracelet to the quilting group, where the resident recognizes her bracelet and accuses Tammi of being a thief. Tammi insists she found it on a sidewalk and returns the bracelet.
Deeper Layer: Conflict between Tammi and Violet.

Midpoint Turning Point: To spite Violet, Tammi seduces a more than willing Maynard.
Maynard then informs Violet of the deed and informs her that she either has to accept his involvement with Tammi or get lost.
Deeper layer: Maynard plots to turn Tammi and Violet against each other.
Violet takes her anger at Tammi out on the quilting group and brings poisoned candy for snacks. Oops, a collective puke ruins all those quilts.
Deeper layer: Violet is afraid to openly confront Tammi.

Act Three:
Violet tampers with Tammi’s brakes. An unknowing Tammi lends her car to a village resident who gets in an accident and is severely wounded.
Maynard insinuates Tammi purposely put the wounded woman’s life in danger.
Deeper layer: Maynard continues to try to drive a wedge between Tammi and Violet.
Tammi invites Violet to dinner at her house. Violet refuses, insists they should meet at a restaurant.
Deeper layer: Violet suspects that Tammi might try to poison her.
At the restaurant, Tammi tells Violet that she suspects that Maynard is up to something. Violet plays dumb, acts like Maynard wouldn’t do anything against either one of them.

Turning Point: Violet snoops through Maynard’s belongings, finds an old newspaper article about a boy who committed suicide in high school. She and Tammi had played a hand in the boy’s suicide, causing Violet’s suspicion over who Maynard may be.

Act Four:
Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Tammi is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, she has a whole new attitude over thinking she has the right to take the lives of others.
Tammi tries to hide her diagnosis from Violet, but prodded by Maynard, Violet impersonates Tammi on a phone call to Tammi’s doctor and learns the truth.
Violet decides that it’s her turn to perform a maven of mercy act on Tammi – after all, what she got to live for now?
Maynard informs Tammi of Violet’s plan, and a cat and mouse game of who will kill who first begins between Tammi and Violet.
Violet is about to get the best of Tammi, when Tammi blurts out to Violet about the newspaper article she found at Maynard’s house.
They confront Maynard who tell them that he is the father of the boy who committed suicide and that he knows they were involved causing his son to die.
Maynard shows them the video’s he’s taken of Tammi and Violet’s retirement village murders – he’s going to turn them in to the police.
Tammi and Violet convince Maynard to let them take their own lives, that he needs to make nooses and hang them from the rafters of a building in the village.
While Maynard is on a ladder, trying to hang the first noose, Tammi and Violet push over the ladder. A rafter falls on Mayard’s head while he’s on the ground, crushing him.
Resolution: Violet takes Tammi to chemo therapy and they return to the quilting club.
•

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

The Deeper Layer – Module 4 Lesson 2
Pat Fitzgerald’s Deeper Layer
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned from this lesson is that my story would be just plain stupid if I hadn’t taken the time to discover my characters’ subtext. And as always, letting go of perfection allowed my creativity to flow. I don’t think of any of my current decisions as static – the best may yet be waiting for me to discover it.

Tammi Jenkins
Surface Layer: Tammi is an amoral woman who feels she has the right to determine when another person’s life should end.
Deeper Layer: Raised by a domineering mother who insisted that she was always right and Tammi did everything wrong, Tammi is obsessed with constantly proving that she is never wrong.
Major Reveal: Tammi finds her mother in a memory care facility, but Mom’s memory remains sharp on the subject of Tammi always making wrong decisions. This ignites fury in Tammi and the compulsion to perform darker pranks.
Influences Surface Story: Once she’s a resident in the retirement village, Tammi hears constant complaints over her cohorts hating old age. She decides there’s nothing wrong with putting them out of their misery.
Hints: Tammi becomes a leader of the pack in the retirement village, organized activities so she can keep track of who – according to her- still enjoys life and whose time needs to come to an end.
Changes Reality: When Tammi watches her mother try to dominate everyone in the memory care facility and sees how others brush off Mom’s domineering ways, Tammi realizes she’s been over reacting and needs to quit being so judgmental.

Violet Pankowski
Surface Layer: Violet is a follower who enjoys helping Tammi pull her cruel pranks.
Deeper Layer: She has always resented Tammi for her insistence on always being in charge and sees Tammi’s taking up residence in the retirement home as her chance to take revenge.
Major Reveal: Violet succeeds in putting a resident “out of her misery” without first getting the okay from Tammi.
Influences Surface Story: Violet and Tammi start having more and more arguments over the pranks that they pull.
Hints: Violet steals a bracelet from a retirement home resident, gives it to Tammi who wears it in front of the resident, which causes Tammi to look like the thief – much to Violet’s delight.
Changes Reality: Violet has always been the one who has been surreptitiously in charge of she and Tammi’s, including one gone wrong in high school that led to someone’s death. Violet was thrilled with this power and is happy to have Tammi once again aiding in performing so-called acts of mercy.

Modified 4 Act Structure
Beginning: Tammi watches with glee as her husband falls from a ladder and crushes his skull.
Inciting Incident: Tammi moves to a retirement village and is reunited with her high school bestie, Violet Pankowski. When Violet suggests returning to the fun of mean pranks, Tammi agrees, to break the boredom of retirement village living.
Turning Point One: Violet knows Tammi’s car has bad breaks, but unknown the Tammi,she lends the car to a village friend who constantly complains over hating old age. Th friend dies in a car accident.
Act Two: Needing to regain control over Violet, Tammi suggests they perform an elaborate ceremony in which they declare themselves “angels of mercy,” vowing to end the lives of retirement home residents whom they deem no longer have quality of life.
Act Two Turning Point: Tammi tries unsuccessfully to end the life of a man with dementia, but Violet takes over and succeeds, justifying her actions because it frees the man’s wife to continue her life without the burden of her husband’s dementia.
Act Three: Tammi is diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts to question her decision to put others out of their misery – she sees value in life that is not a perfect life.
Act Three Turning Point: Violet learns of Tammi’s diagnosis, and Tammi realizes she may be on Violet’s hit list.
Act Four Climax: Tammi and Violet face off, each trying to do the other in.
Resolution: After a cat and mouse competition Tammi and Violet both end up dead – nobody wins.

Antagonist: Violet Pankowski
Beginning: Violet and Tammi had been besties in high school. Both delighted in pulling mean pranks on their classmates, but Violet was secretly jealous that Tammi was the dominant one in their relationship.
Inciting Incident: Violet is conflicted when Tammi moves into her retirement village. She’s happy to have friend with whom she can identify, but fears that Tammi will once again dominate her life.
Turning Point One: Despite jealousy over Tammi’s popularity in the village, Violet is happy to revive the cruel pranks they pulled in high school.
Act 2: Violet takes part in Tammi’s “angel of mercy” ceremony while she vows that she will someday get her revenge on Tammi for thinking that Violet must always be the follower.
Act 2Turning Point/Midpoint : Violet succeeds in ending the life of a man with dementia, something she knows Tammi had tried to do and failed.
Act 3: Violet takes Tammi on a tour of the village’s memory care unit, suggesting that, perhaps they should set fire to it and put all these folks out of their misery.
Turning Point 3: Violet impersonates Tammi when she phones Tammi’s doctor and learns that Tammi has terminal cancer.
Act 4/Climax: Violet decides to take the ultimate revenge on Tammi, but Tammi eludes her making Violet increasing furious.
Resolution: Violet takes dangerous steps to pursue Tammi and makes a fatal mistake that leaves both of them dead.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald's Character Structure

My vision is to have fun while completing this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned from this assignment is that I’m walking a fine line between dark comedy and dramatic tragedy, but I remain confident that I can pull this off. Giving myself the freedom to not strive for perfection has allowed my creativity to flow.
Tammi Jenkins – Protagonist.
Beginning: Tammi watches with glee as her husband falls from a ladder and crushes his skull.
Inciting Incident: Tammi moves into a retirement village where she is reunited with her high school bestie, Violet Pankowski and they look forward to returning to pulling mean pranks on the village’s residents, ala their high school behavior.
Turning Point One: Tammi lends her car to a new friend who constantly complains over hating old age. Tammi neglects to tell her the brakes are bad, thinking if she has an accident she might start appreciating her life again.. The new friend dies in a car accident.
Act Two: Tammi and Violet perform an elaborate ceremony in which they declare themselves “angels of mercy,” vowing to end the lives of retirement home residents whom they deem no longer have quality of life.
Act Two Turning Point: Tammi realizes that she is losing control over Violet when Violet acts independently in determining whose live should end.
Act Three: Tammi is diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts to question her decision to put others out of their misery – she sees value in life that is not a perfect life.
Act Three Turning Point: Violet learns of Tammi’s diagnosis, and Tammi realizes that Violet my put her on Violet’s hit list.
Act Four Climax: Tammi and Violet face off, each trying to do the other in.
Resolution: After a cat and mouse competition Tammi and Violet both end up dead – nobody wins.

Antagonist: Violet Pankowski
Beginning: Violet and Tammi had been besties in high school. Both delighted in pulling mean pranks on their classmates, but Violet was secretly jealous that Tammi was the dominant one in their relationship.
Inciting Incident: Violet is conflicted when Tammi moves into her retirement village. She’s happy to have friend with whom she can identify, but fears that Tammi will once again dominate her life.
Turning Point One: Despite jealousy over Tammi’s popularity in the village, Violet is happy to revive the cruel pranks they pulled in high school.
Act 2: Violet takes part in Tammi’s “angel of mercy” ceremony while she vows that she will someday get her revenge on Tammi for thinking that Violet must always be the follower.
Act 2Turning Point/Midpoint : Violet succeeds in ending the life of a man with dementia, something she knows Tammi had tried to do and failed.
Act 3: Violet takes Tammi on a tour of the village’s memory care unit, suggesting that, perhaps they should set fire to it and put all these folks out of their misery.
Turning Point 3: Violet impersonates Tammi when she phones Tammi’s doctor and learns that Tammi has terminal cancer.
Act 4/Climax: Violet decides to take the ultimate revenge on Tammi, but Tammi eludes her making Violet increasing furious.
Resolution: Violet takes dangerous steps to pursue Tammi and makes a fatal mistake that leaves both of them dead.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Supporting Characters
My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned from this lesson is that my main characters both needed their first names changed. Developing supporting characters before actually fleshing out the plot is beneficial. As I created them I could see more of the plot forming. Don’t consider this perfect. It’s just a starting poing.

Support 1: Billy Larson
Role: Violet’s lover; Retirement village’s weed provider.
Main Purpose: Lightens the mood of the residents with his weed brownies.
Value: Causes conflict between Tammi and Violet, as he is attracted to and makes moves on both of them.

Support 2: Myra Jenkins
Role: Tammi’s estranged mother who lives in the village’s memory care unit.
Main Purpose: Forces Iris to realize she must quit blaming her mother for everything she dislikes about herself.
Value: Makes Iris understand that there is value to life even after a person’s faculties are diminished.
Background Characters: The quilting group that Iris organizes. They provide fodder for Tammi to justify feeling that some folks’ lives are no longer worth living.

Support 3: Maynard Christensen
Role: A man with dementia that Iris unsuccessfully tries to kill.
Main Purpose: Provides frustration for Iris who believes she can accomplish everything she sets her mind to.
Value: When Iris succeeds in his demise this gives impetus to Violet’s ever-growing feeling of superiority over Iris.

Background Characters: The ladies in the quilting group that Iris organized, who cause her to believe that she's right, some people are better off dead and it's up to her to see that it happens.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Profiles Part 2

My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned from this lesson is that depth makes the character a great role for an actor to play, and depth comes from sub-text and giving them flaws. I need more actor attractors for my antagonist, but working on that now will be a quest for perfection.
Tammi Jenkins –
High Concept: When all your friends do is whine over hating old age, what’s wrong with putting them out of their misery?
Character’s Journey: Tammi goes someone who feels she has every right to determine when someone’s life should end to, after learning she has terminal cancer, fearing that her best friend might make a fatal judgement on her.

Actor Attractors:
Tammi watches with glee as a ladder her husband has climbed falls over and his head is crushed on the cement – then she screams and begs for help, like a good dutiful wife.
A newcomer in the retirement village, Tammi invites her neighbors to a party at her house, so she can evaluate whom she thinks just might be better off dead.
Tammi agrees to “baby sit” with a man all but destroyed by dementia so the man’s wife can take an afternoon off, and Myra plots ways to “put him out of his mercy” to make it look like an accidental death.
She leads a quilting group and convinces the quilters to unwittingly use pagan death symbols on their quilts.
Coerces her friend, Julie Pankowski into performing a ceremony in which they self-anoint as “angels of mercy.”
Finds her long estranged mother living in the memory care area of the retirement village and makes peace with her.
Subtext: Tammi is always polite, especially when planning lethal pranks on folks she has determined need her services to put them out of their misery.

Intrigue: Her hidden agenda is that she is an amoral thrill-seeker.

Flaw: : Tammi’s insistence on her infallibility is her greatest flaw. This need to always be right often leads her into conflicts and prevents her from seeing the consequences of her actions until it is too late.

Values: She values control, perfection, and the validation that comes from being seen as flawless. Tammi also holds a twisted belief in her own version of mercy, believing she is doing her friends a favor by ending their perceived misery.

Dilemma: Tammi is conflicted between her need for public validation and the necessity of keeping her darker actions secret. She craves attention and recognition but must operate in secrecy to avoid suspicion and maintain her pristine image.

Julie Pankowski – Antagonist
High Concept: A follower who goes rogue and snatches the leader role away from her best friend.
Journey: Julie goes from thinking a friend is what she needs to prove her self-worth to realizing she has what it takes to act independently, in a dark and lethal way.
Actor Attractors:
Julie builds a coffin for a resident’s ancient pet, then helps the resident end her life, so she can spend eternity with her pet.
She spikes a drink with roofies and rifle through resident’s belongings. She steals a necklace which she gives to Myra, hoping Myra wears it in front of the resident and be accused of the theft.
Julie locates Tammi’s lon- estranged mother in a memory care facility.
Julie impersonates Myra on a call to Myra’s doctor so she can get privileged information.

Character Subtext: Starting with her reunion with high school bestie, Tammi, Julie plots to get revenge on Tammi for always being the dominate one in their relationship – something she resents.

Character Intrigue: She surreptitiously competes with Tammi to be the best liked person in their retirement complex.

Flaw: She becomes over-confident, doesn’t think through her actions and makes mistakes – fatal mistakes.

Values: She values her intelligence, which she sometimes over-estimates.

Character Dilemma: Staying besties with Tammi despite being unable to overcome her jealousy of Tammi’s domineering ways.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Profiles – Part One

My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from doing this assignment is, once again, let go of perfection. I procrastinated like crazy until realizing that I was seeking perfection. Then I applied and modified something I once learned in a tai chi class – the only wrong way to do this lesson is to not do it at all.

Protagonist: Tammy Jenkins – Tammy’s philosophy is, when all your friends do is whine over hating old age, what’s wrong with taking them out of their misery?

Characters Journey: Tammy goes someone who feels she has every right to determine when someone’s life should end to, after learning she has terminal cancer, fearing that her best friend might make a fatal judgement on her.

Actor Attractors:
Beneath her sweet and helpful exterior Tammy is a cunning, amoral thrill-seeker – the more radical the thrill, the more enjoyment she has.
Watches with glee as the ladder her husband climbed falls over and his head is crushed on the sidewalk, then screams for help – like any proper, dutiful wife would do.
After moving into a retirement village, Tammy leads a quilting group where she has its members unknowingly stitch pagan death symbols into their quilts.
Tammy coerces her friend, Julie Pankowski into performing a ceremony in which they self-anoint as “angels of mercy.”
Finds her long estranged mother living in the memory care area of the retirement village and makes peace with her.
Plots to end Julie’s life when Tammy fears that Julie is planning to end Tammy’s life.
Role in the story: Protagonist, though because this is a dark comedy I think of Tammy as the anti-protagonist. Tammy becomes a popular leader in her retirement village, all the while determining whose quality of life has slipped so low that they’d be better off dead.

Age Range and Description: Early 60s, fit, impeccably groomed, perfect make-up and so tightly wound. Don’t cross her or she might snap.

Core Traits: Amoral, Sarcastic, So Sweet, Cunning

Motivation:
Want: A group of friends who look up to her as a lead.
Need: Tammy needs to always be right to counterbalance her mother constantly telling her that everything she did, she did wrong.

Wound: Grew up with a verbally abusive mother and an absent father.

Likability – She saves a small child who runs into the street from being hit by a car.
Myra is kind to an ugly, old pet.
Myra doesn’t want anyone to die who still enjoys and has quality of life.

Relatability – She’s a newcomer into a tight knit group of people in a retirement village.
She wants to have fun and relax in her retirement and wishes her peers would quit their litany of complaints.

Empathy – She makes comments others wish they could make but don’t have the nerve.
She is diagnosed with terminal cancer but wants to keep that a secret so she can go on enjoying what time she has left.
Her world turns around when the woman she thought was her best friend turns on her.

Antagonist: Julie Pankowski, Once high school besties with Tammy, however she operated under Tammy’s control and has spent decades wishing she could turn the tables and dominate over Tammy.
Character’s Journey: Julie goes from being overjoyed that Tammy is moving into her retirement village to resenting Tammy for reverting to her controlling ways and plotting to get the ultimate revenge by “putting Tammy out of her misery.”
Actor Attractors: Julie builds an awkward coffin for a resident’s ancient pet, then helps the resident end her life, so she can spend eternity with her pet.
She spikes a drink with roofies and rifle through resident’s belongings. She steals a necklace which she gives to Myra, hoping Myra wears it in front of the resident and be accused of the theft.
Julie impersonates Myra on a call to Myra’s doctor so she can get privileged information.
Age range and description: Early 60s, dresses in avant-garde vintage clothes and obsesses over dying her gray roots to the point where she fries her hair.
Core traits: Clingy, vengeful, nervous, confident.

Motivation:
Want: Julie wants to regain her friendship with Tammy and return to pulling pranks, like they did in high school
Need: Julie needs revenge on Tammy for always being the domineering one. Just once, Julie wants to get the better of her.

Wound: Julie has always lived in the shadow of others and never came completely her own person.

Likability – She brings food to folks in wheelchairs at a retirement village picnic.
Julie loves to entertain and show off her singing voice.

Relatability – Julie still bears the scars of being bullied in high school
She has a hard time dealing with an acquaintance who takes her sore-ridden, arthritic, and smelly pet everywhere and expects folks to fawn over the ugly, old thing.
She stands silent while her overbearing friend tries to control her.

Empathy – Julie feels bad once she realizes that she is the only one who can be the angel of mercy for her best friend.

• This reply was modified 12 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Likability/Relatability/Emphathy

My vision is to complete this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s no reason why edgy dark comedy characters can’t have positive traits and it was fun stretching my imagination to find those traits.

Myra Jenkins – Protagonist
Likability – She saves a small child who runs into the street from being hit by a car.
Myra is kind to an ugly, old pet.
Myra doesn’t want anyone to die who still enjoys and has quality of life.

Relatability – She’s a newcomer into a tight knit group of people in a retirement village.
She wants to have fun and relax in her retirement and wishes her peers would feel the same.

Empathy – She makes comments others wish they could make but don’t have the nerve.
She is diagnosed with terminal cancer but wants to keep that a secret so she can go on enjoying what time she has left.
Her world turns around when the woman she thought was her best friend turns on her.

Julie Pankowski – Antagonist
Likability – She brings food to folks in wheelchairs at a retirement village picnic.
Julie loves to entertain and show off her singing voice.

Relatability – Julie still bears the scars of being bullied in high school
She has a hard time dealing with an acquaintance who takes her sore-ridden, arthritic, and smelly pet everywhere and expects folks to fawn over the ugly, old thing.
She stands silent while her overbearing friend tries to control her.

Empathy – Julie feels bad once she realizes that she is the only one who can be the angel of mercy for her best friend.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Intrigue
My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned is that discovering my characters’ hidden agendas allowed me to envision scenes that may or may not show up in their script. It was fun seeing the options that this lesson opened up for me.
Myra Jenkins – Protagonist, or Anti-Protagonist, as I call her
Hidden Agenda, A newcomer in the retirement village, Myra invites her neighbors to a party at her house so she can evaluate whom she thinks just might be better off dead.
Myra agrees to “baby sit” with a man all but destroyed by dementia so the man’s wife can take an afternoon to herself so Myra can plot ways to “put him out of his mercy” to make it look like an accidental death
Conspiracy: Myra enlists her high school bestie to pull pranks on the retirement village residents for no other reason to entertain themselves.
The pranks get more and more out of control, until Myra informs Julie of her plan to become the village’s “Angel of Mercy.”
Deception: Myra flirts with one of the village’s few men residents because she’s jealous that Julie has a relationship with him.
Myra brings an infirmed resident marijuana brownies for the fun of watching him get high – and then confess to Myra that he’d be better off dead.
Myra convinces Julie that she’s perfectly healthy shortly after learning that she has terminal cancer.
Julie Pankowski – Antagonist
Hidden Agendas: Julie attends Myra’s husband’s funeral as a means to reconnect with Myra, so she can begin to plot the revenge she’s longed for since high school, when Myra stole Julies boyfriend.
Conspiracy: in some sort of ritual ceremony Julie and Myra declare themselves “angels of mercy.”
Julie teams up with her boyfriend to hoodwink Myra into thinking he’s attracted to her as a part of Julie’s planned revenge against Myra.
Secrets: Though Julie and Myra were high school besties, Julie always resented Myra’s dominance.
Julie might see to the secret demise of one of the residents’ pets because she hates animals.
Deception: Julie spikes a drink with roofies so she can rifle through resident’s belongings. She steals a necklace which she gives to Myra, hoping Myra wears it in front of the resident and she’ll be accused of the theft.
Julie impersonates Myra on a call to Myra’s doctor so she can get privileged information.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Subtext Characters
My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned: Subtext may be the greatest tool to give my script depth and appeal to actors.
Example Movie:
Movie Title: Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri
Character Name: Mildred Hayes
Subtext Identity: Mildred is filled with grief and guilt over the unsolved murder of her daughter.
Subtext Trait: Stoicism
Subtext Logline: Mildred has no problem humiliating the town’s police department and angering anyone who disagrees with her tactics to finally find who murdered her daughter.
Possible Areas for Subtext: Erects three billboards accusing the town sheriff of doing nothing to find her daughter’s killer. Sets the police department on fire with Molotov cocktails. Stands in silence as a friend lies about Mildred’s whereabouts when the police department burns. Takes off for Idaho to perhaps murder a man who is a known rapist.
My Characters:
Character Name: Myra Jenkins
Subtext Identity: So sweet, everybody’s good, good friend.
Subtext Trait: Manipulative, a deadly thrill seeker
Subtext Logline: Myra uses her friendly façade to control her best friend plus residents of a retirement village so she can determine who needs her to put them out of their misery.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Myra feigns grief at her husband’s funeral, but she’s the one who orchestrated his death.
Myra takes over activities in her retirement village, convincing others that she’s there to improve their quality of life, all the while searching for those whom she deems not longer have the will to live.
Myra coerces her best friend to learn possible ways of causing “accidental death,” so they can both experience the thrill of so-called putting folks out of their misery.
Myra sweetly lies to new friend, Billy Larson, that she is responsible for the uptick of deaths in the retirement village and suggests to him that their friend Julie may be the guilty party.
Character Name: Julie Szyzpankowski
Subtext Identity: Passive, hides anger and resentment
Subtext logline: Julie brims with the thought of getting revenge on everyone who has used her for their own purposes throughout her life, especially her high school bestie, Myra Jenkins.
Possible areas for subtext:
When Myra moves into the retirement village where Julie lives, Julie instantly resumes her high school role of Myra’s best friend by doing Myra’s bidding.
The more Myra tries to control Julie, the more Julie resents it and she starts to independently plot against the infirmed in the village.
Julie takes joy in realizing that she can surpass Myra in controlling others, not to mention deciding who needs an “angel of mercy” to put them out of their misery.
Julie attempts the ultimate revenge on Myra by attempting to “put Myra out of her misery.”

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Actor Attractors
My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned is that I had so much fun answering the actor attractor questions with the first ideas that popped into my head. While doing so I gained unexpected insights on the characters that can possibily be woven into a plot outline. I also give myself the freedom of treating this like a first draft, continuing to let go of perfection. If I remain open-minded I am confident that I will delve deeper into my characters' personalities in the future.

Lead Character’s Actor Attractors
Myra Jenkins – Protag, or as I think of her, the Anti-protagonist. That seems to fit so much better for a dark comedy.
Why would an actor want to be known for this role?
Beneath her oh-so sweet, if not controlling exterior, Myra is a sociopath who seeks thrills by hurting others and her favorite sport becomes murder.
What makes this character the most interesting?
She coerces her friend, Julie Szyzkowpanski, into darker and darker “pranks” on others until they commit murder, but for what Myra deems is a worthy cause – the person no longer had the will to live, so what’s wrong with putting them out of their misery? After learning she has terminal cancer Myra regrets teaching Julie the art of the kill and fears for her own life.
Most interesting actions she could take.
Pushes a ladder over, on which her husband washes second floor windows. Publicly acts horrified over her husband’s “accidental” death. After moving into a retirement home, she becomes a leading force with the residents, all the while plotting who should receive her “angel of mercy benefits.”
Introduce the role to sell it.
Pushes over a latter which causes her husband’s death and then acts hysterical with grief at his funeral, until she enters a ladies’ room where she hysterically laughs over being rid of him.
Characters emotional range.
Loaded with self-confidence, enjoys the thrill of “angel of mercy acts” to living in fear that she will be killed before she wants to die if her friend discovers that she has terminal cancer.
What subtext can the actor play?
Myra’s uber-critical mother never tired of telling her that no matter what she did, she did it wrong. This caused Myra to control others, making sure the others always knew that she was right.
What’s the most interesting relationships?
In the retirement village Myra is reunited with her high school best friend, Julie, with whom they pulled nasty pranks on classmates. Myra thinks she can resume the same type of relationship, not realizing that Julie has long sought revenge on Myra for bullying Julie into submissiveness.
How will her unique voice be presented?
Myra is sugary sweet in public but belittling in private.
What makes her special and unique?
She’s a senior citizen serial killer.

Julie Szyzkowpanski – Antagonist
What would cause an actor to want to be known for this role?
Julie goes from being a passive follower to a woman who secretly is hell-bent on revenge.
What makes this character one of the most interesting in the story?
She comes across as passive, but Julie is cunning, always looking for a chance to take the lead away from her friend, Myra. Eventually she succeeds in a most murderous fashion.
What are the most interesting actions that Julie can take?
She is Myra’s confident, but uses what she learns to turn the tables on Myra. She gleefully commits a “mercy killing” before Myra gives her the okay to do so. After learning that Myra has terminal cancer, Julie plots Myra’s “mercy” death and gets away with it. (Maybe)
How can the role be introduced in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Julie reunites with her high school friend, Myra, at Myra’s husband’s funeral, leads crying Myra into a ladies room, where they both burst into laughter that Myra is finally free of her husband.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
Julie goes from a passive follower to an independent woman who is gleeful over taking the lives of others.
What subtext can the actor play?
Myra may have been best buds with Julie, but Julie resented Myra’s controlling ways and always wanted to get revenge on her.
What’s the most interesting relationships the character can have?
Julie and Myra have a close friendship, but Julie is always under Myra’s thumb. Julie is having a secret affair with Billy Larson.
How will the character’s unique voice be presented?
Julie remains passive toward Myra until her need for revenge breaks wide open. That’s when she starts wreaking havoc on the retirement village.
What could make this character special and unique?
She’s Ms. Prim and Proper to the world but she bubbles with a need to take over a domineering role from her friend, Myra.
Billy Larson – triangle role.
What about this role would cause an actor to be known for it?
Billy’s a comedic letch, out to seduce all the widows in his retirement village. He’s funny and kind of disgusting at the same time.
What makes this character one of the most interesting in the story?
He is surreptitiously controlling and an expert at conniving to get what he wants.
What are the most interesting actions he can take in the script?
A window peeper. Plays Julie against Myra and vice versa.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He skulks through the retirement village at night, window peeping on all the widows.
What could be the character’s emotional range.
Happy-go-lucky to a thirst for blood.
What subtext can the actor play?
A former high school teacher, Billy orchestrated the death of a school girl with whom he had an affair, so he wouldn’t get caught having sex with a minor.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
He tries to seduce Julie, but when he’s unsuccessful he seduces Julie, which causes Myra to pursue Billy sexually. Billy coerces Julie to “mercy kill” Myra.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
An outward horny doofus who cleverly schemes to get what and who he wants.
What could make this character unique and special?
He gets away with murder.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Actor Attractors for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
My vision is to complete this course with a contest-winning screenplay that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this assignment is to make sure any character I create is true to who he or she is, that all their personality traits must be strong and that they do not waver off the path that the script takes them on.

Movie Title: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Lead Character Name: Mildred Hayes

1. What would make an actor want to be known for this role? Mildred is an Everywoman who fights relentlessly for justice for her murdered daughter. She faces challenges head on and will not quit.

2. What makes her the most interesting character in the movie? She comes across as lowkey but tightly wound. She is consistently stoic while focused on achieving her goals. She lets no one stand in her way.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Has three billboards erected calling out the local sheriff for never finding the man who raped and murdered her daughter.
Shows kindness to the sheriff, who is her adversary, after he confesses that he has terminal cancer.
Bonds with a doe while planting flowers around the billboards. Punches out two high school kids who belittle her son.
Climbs a ladder to douse the flames when her billboards are set on fire.
Throws Molotov cocktails at the police station, setting it on fire.
Becomes friendly with the Deputy for whom she had a particular hate, who she set on fire with the Molotov cocktails.

4. How is the character introduced? She stares at dilapidated billboards, then goes to an office to rent the billboards, for which she pays $5,000 in cash. We’re left wondering, what’s going on?

5. What is the emotional range? Mildred remains stoic throughout the film. She is dead serious and focused on justice for her daughter. She breaks down to briefly cry once the billboards are destroyed and smiles at the film’s end as she and the former Deputy plan a trip to Idaho where they may or may not kill a rapist.

6. Subtext: Guilt over not giving her daughter a ride on the night she was murdered. A domestic violence survivor. A woman who just wants peace in her life but can’t find any.

7. Most interesting relationships. Mildrid and Sheriff Willoughby are friendly despite being advisories. She has a close bond with her son. She becomes friendly with the deputy that she unknowingly set on fire when she burns the police station.

8. How is the character’s unique voice presented? She has a way of remaining calm despite the audience knowing that she’s about to burst with stress and grief. She’s straightforward and always focused on the goal of finding her daughter’s killer.

9. What makes her special and unique? She defies the entire town by keeping the search for her daughter’s killer in the forefront.

10. Mildrid goes to the police station to confront Deputy Dixon about the arrest of a friend. When Dixon gets in her face Mildred holds her ground and insults Dixon and his mother in a stoic, almost emotionless manner.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald's Genre Conventions

My vision is to complete this class with a contest winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.
What I learned is that I needed to modify the comedy conventions to fit a dark comedy genre. I sometimes replaced “laughter” with “diabolical.” I also saw the benefit of using comedic situations such as Fish Out of Water, Absurd Situation and Misinterpretation. I continue to enjoy the fluidity of not needing to be perfect. Remaining open-minded allows me to continue getting closer to perfection, but there is no need to worry over not being there yet.
Title: Retirement Pillage
Concept: When your friends endlessly complain over hating old age, what's wrong with putting them out of their misery?
Genre: Dark Comedy

Comedy Conventions that I used:
Purpose: To entertain the audience with a story packed with diabolical and entertaining moments.
Incongruence. Unconventional pairings of people or situations in a way that causes diabolical reactions.
Mechanics of Comedy: Fish Out Of Water, Absurd situation, Misinterpretation.
Improved Structure:
Opening: While commiserating with friends at her husband’s funeral Myra covers her face and runs from the room. Once by herself she laughs with relief – it’s finally over. He’s dead.
Inciting Incident: Myra moves into a retirement village to discover her clingy and annoying so-called best friend from high school, Julie Hargrove, lives there also.
Turning Point: Bored with card playing, crafts and constantly hearing complaints about hating old age, Myra “accidentally” pushes an elderly man down a flight of stairs, not realizing that Julie observed from a window.
Act Two:
New Plan: Amazed at her propensity for murder, Myra enlists Julie to survey residents with chronic illnesses under the guise of spreading cheer. Julie plays along, but for her own diabolical reasons.
Plan in Action: Julie orchestrates the death of a resident’s pet and reports to Myra that the owner is so distraught that he might be suicidal.
Midpoint Myra resolves to take out the pet owner with booze and pills. But in a rollicking drunken scene the owner confesses he was happy his infirmed pet dies. Now he can live without that burden. And he drops dead from a heart attack.
Act Three:
Rethink everything: Myra rethinks her “angel of mercy” idea, wants out of the killing business. But Julie wants in and blackmails Myra over the death of the man who fell down the stairs.
New Plan: Myra suggests that Julie end the life of a woman who is overwrought because he husband is cheating on her and Julie gleefully obliges.
Turning Point: Myra learns that she has terminal cancer and is fearful if Julie finds out, Myra’s life is in danger.
Act Four:
Ultimate Climax/Expression of Conflict: Myra decides she will only live if she takes out Julie’s life. A duel between the two commences – who will kill who first?
Resolution: Myra and Julie both die is a car accident, orchestrated by other village residents who have been secretly watching these two all along.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

My vision is to complete this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned: 4 acts make more sense than 3 acts. Trust AI to give beneficial suggestions, then trust myself to take the best of what AI offers and fuse it into my ideas. Letting go of perfection is the only way to move forward. I know my ideas aren’t perfect, but they’re the best I have at the moment. Working on a dark comedy has shown me how diabolical I can think and that’s almost scary!
Concept: When your friends do nothing but complain over hating old age, what’s wrong with putting them out of their misery?

Main Conflict: Myra decides to become an “angel of mercy” in her retirement village, ending the lives of those with no more will to live, but her actions come under the suspicion of a retired detective who lives next door to her.
Old Ways: The retirement village is an excellent setting for Myra to begin a life as an ordinary senior citizen, seeking amusement by playing cards and gossiping with her contemporaries.
Myra shuts down her urges to reignite her life as a con-woman and get her kicks out of swindling others.

New Ways: When a friend complains once too often about hating old age Myra secretly rejoices when the friend dies in a car accident.

Myra accidentally trips a man with dementia who falls down stairs and dies. This ignites Myra’s urge for a new kind of excitement – end the lives of her cohorts who are too ill to have quality of life.

Act One:
Opening: Myra attends the funeral of a retirement village cohort and almost snaps over hearing complaint over complaint from her friends over hating old age. But the complaining stops when the women notice retired detective Billy Larson moving in – a new man is fresh meat for these widows.

Inciting Incident: Myra lends a friend with several chronic illnesses her car, which has bad brakes, resulting in the friend's accidental death. Myra can hardly contain her joy that this woman’s suffering is over.

Turning Point: Myra trips a man with dementia down a flight of stairs and feels satisfied she ended his suffering, but her actions trigger Billy Larson’s suspicions that Myra is up to no good. \

Act Two:

New Plan: Deciding she is now an angel of mercy, Myra enlists her clingy and annoying friend Julie to survey the village, under the guise of spreading cheer to the sickly but she’s really going to choose who should or should not die.

Plan in Action: To Myra’s surprise, Julie orchestrates the death of a woman's aging pet, which leads Myra find a way to give the pet’s owner a pill overdose, confident will look like a suicide.

Midpoint Turning Point: While Julie pursues a romance with Billy, he suspects foul play but something about this woman’s death makes him believe there really was nothing wrong with her dying. He insinuates this to Myra at the woman’s funeral.

Act Three:
Rethink Everything: Julie informs Myra that she knows what Myra is up to and wants in on the plan, if not completely taking over the plan.

New Plan: Myra considers taking Julie’s life, but can’t find a justifiable reason. She decides if Julie wants in on the game, Julie should take the life of a woman overwrought because her husband is cheating on her.

Turning Point: Billy informs Myra that he once investigated Julie as a suspect in past serial killings. He suggests eliminating Julie who’s become a pain in the ass to him or he’ll blackmail Myra over her lawless past.

Act Four:

Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Myra is diagnosed with cancer, causing her to realize how precious life is and that she has no right to take the lives of others.

Julie learns of Myra’s diagnosis and makes plans to take over Myra’s “angel of mercy” role and take out Myra. She makes the mistake of confessing her plan to Billy.

Resolution: Myra convinces Billy that it’s best to end Julie’s life – after all she was a serial killer in the past and who knows when she’ll quit killing.

New Ways: After Julie’s “accidental death,” Myra and Billy strike up a romance.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Subtest Plots
My vision is to complete this course with a contest winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this lesson is to remain open-minded about suggestions from AI. The ideas for subtest presented to my by AI turned out to be far more advantageous that the ones I had originally thought that I would use.

My choices for subtext plots are: Fish Out of Water and Competitive Agendas

Fish Out of Water: Myra Jenkins is a serial killer, never suspected for her crimes and she wants to keep it that way. Myra decides that living in a serene retirement village will be a perfect cover-up. But she misses the excitement of the kill and soon decides to act as an “angel of mercy” by ending the lives of those she deems no longer have the will to live.

Competitive Agendas: Julie Hargrove is Myra’s new best friend, whether Myra likes it or not. Julies sees her friendship with Myra as a way to finally become part of a cool clique. When Julie first learns of that Myra is responsible for some of the retirement village’s deaths she is horrified. But Julie becomes intrigued with the thrill of a kill and decides to start a secret competition with Myra. Who can commit the most murders and never be caught?

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Transformational Journey

My vision is to complete this class with a contest winning script that will establish me as a courageous and talented writer.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that creating a black comedy protagonist almost takes an opposite approach to what a protagonist should be. In Myra’s world, she sees herself as the savior of the suffering, a very protagonist stance, but the twists and turns required in a dark comedy will make her end up more like the antagonist. Still, I am confident that I have chosen the right person for protaganist. AI gave me ideas as to how to make Myra a more well-rounded character which I will most likely use in the future. And I gave myself permission to proceed with confidence and to put perfection aside.

Myra Jenkins arc:

Beginning: Egotistical and confident she’s doing her cohorts a favor by putting them out of their misery. She finds twisted satisfaction in murder.

Arc ending: Questions her decisions to end the lives of others. Fearful someone may think she would benefit from a mercy killing.

Internal Journey: A sociopathic, always right mentality to realizing she had no right to play the role of a god with the lives of others.

External Journey: Extraordinarily healthy and physically fit to weakened by incurable disease (yet to be determined.)

Old ways: Outspoken, never wrong. An alpha, leader of the pack, must know everyone’s business. A creative killer.

New ways: Secretive and reclusive, paranoid. Realizes there is quality of life despite a serious illness.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

My vision is to complete this class with a quality script that will win contests and establish me as a courageous and talented writer.

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of setting perfection aside, knowing this is the first step in character creation and should I discover a better way to deal with them in the future, to leave this path and follow what will make them more unique and better suited to the story. I continue to see the power of empowerment! AI gave me some interesting insights into my characters.

Protagonist: Myra Jenkins is a headstrong woman who convinces herself that she is doing a favor to her friends by ending their lives after she perceives that they no longer have the will to live.

What’s unique: Myra is responsible but never caught for serial killings she did in her youth.

Antagonist: Billy Larson is a retired detective with a memory that never fails him and a talent for seducing the ladies.

What’s unique: Billy’s long-time dream is to move into a retirement home filled with lonely widows while armed with a huge stash of Viagra.

Triangle Character: Julie Hargrove is fiercely loyal to her friends and thinks she will defend them to her death, though her ideals have never been challenged in such a way – not yet.

Unique: Julie has always longed to fit into a “cool kids” clique. If she ever achieves her goal she’d do anything to remain part of the clique, including murder if necessary.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald. Reason: The uniqueness of my characters did not occur to me until after posting this lesson. Had I tried to achieve perfection the first time around I'd still be floundering for answers. That's not to say I've found the final ones yet, but this edit feels more genuine to the characters and I'm grateful for that
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Title, Concept and Character Structure

My vision is to complete this course with a quality script that will win contests and establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned from this assignment is that a dramatic triangle will best suit my script, though it is a comedy, albeit a dark comedy.

Title: Retirement Pillage

Concept: When your friends do nothing but gripe over hating old age, what’s wrong with putting them out of their misery?

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi everyone. I’m Pat Fitzgerald

I’ve completed four screenplays way back when and have been in a writing void for far too long.

My hope for this class is to become reinvigorated and rededicated to screenwriting. I’m also looking forward to learning the best ways to incorporate AI into scripts.

Unusual? Well, I’ve ridden horseback in the same hills and along the same trails as Billy the Kid, though not at the same time. I’m not quite that old! It’s been a privilege over the years to have danced all night long to some of the finest blues musicians in America. I am a true blues traveler.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I learned that I need to step out of my comfort zone to the point that I am comfortable out of those boundaries.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald Finished Act 4!

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Sticking to the outline is the best option. As the writing continued I had ideas of what needs to be changed, and I was tempted to add scenes and start to bend the plot. But I followed the rules and kept with the outline. This was for the best. I made notes as to what will change in the second draft and am looking forward to what comes next. Right now, though, all I can say is, whew, I completed my first draft!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald Continues Act 4

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: The first draft is all about figuring out what will and will not work in the story. And I have finally realized that one of my characters must be written out. They were nothing but a copout way to further the plot. The other characters will be enriched and the story will be deeper without them.

How it’s going: It’s getting easier to move forward without the temptation to look back and tweak.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Started Act 4

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Go with the surprises. I am committed to following my outline, however while writing a scene a couple of new characters showed up, nothing I have planned for that scene, but right now they make so much sense. Maybe they’ll get edited out during another draft, but in the interest of moving forward, they remain as written. Same thing goes for dialogue. My characters went off on a tangent, but within that tangent there seems to be a few gems of lines that may prove useful down the line.

How it’s going: It’s interesting, very, very interesting. I can’t wait to see what happens when I continue with this first draft.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat is finished Act 3

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: It is so necessary to write from an empowered place. When I think about how crappy my first draft is, it’s easy for me to get discouraged. I must always remind myself that this is the version that’s supposed to be crappy. Improvements will come in future drafts. And I really must empower before writing.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Continuing Act 3

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Continue moving forward, even though I was discouraged by what I’d written the day before. I went from feeling that there really was no reason to keep writing my crappy little story to feeling empowered and pleased with what I produced today. Also, stick to the outline. I was tempted to switch a couple of scenes around, but I quickly realized that I can do that in another rewrite. In this first draft I really must stick to the outline!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Began Act 3

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: Do not stray from the outline! I found myself adding a scene that I thought was necessary, only to realize that, not only was it unnecessary, it would’ve screwed up several other outlined scenes. I quickly deleted it and moved forward.

How it’s going: My inner critic almost got the better of me. I was about to deem my story as ridiculous and not worthy of continuing. But I forged ahead, this time the inner critic saying, hey, it’s not so bad after all. And this is just the first draft. I will soon have time to fix what I don’t like about it, but the first draft needs to be completed … well, first.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Completed Act 2

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: I continue to learn that I actually can write fast, not look back, but forge ahead and have the confidence to believe that rewrites will continue to improve the story. I’m also seeing places that need some corrections and scenes that should be moved around. But I just make notes. I don’t even think about stopping to change things.

How it’s going: Most of the answer is above, in What I Learned. It’s going amazingly well. I took this course to get me back into writing after a few years’ hiatus, and it’s almost hard to believe that my creativity remains intact. I’m gaining more confidence each day. Not falling behind is sometimes a challenge, but discipline is working its way into my life, and I love how it’s going!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Continuing Act 2

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplay, and I will continue on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Sticking to the outline helps with high speed writing, and as I type away I’m starting to see areas where change may be needed. In the past I would back peddle and “fix” what felt like inconsistencies. But I’m quickly learning what a mistake that is. It’s best to stick to the outline until I’ve completed my first draft.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Finished Act 1

Vision: I have the talent and tenacity to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: More and more, I enjoy the freedom of high speed writing and am finding it easier to accept that writing crap at this point is perfectly accectable.

How are the writing rules going? What I said in What I Learned. It’s also most helpful with I find myself with only a small block of time in which to write. I can high-speed and actually accomplish something.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat began Act 2

Vision: I have the courage, confidence and talent to create ccontest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: First of all, make sure my timer is set for minutes, not hours. I couldn’t figure out why five minutes seemed to go on forever until I checked the timer. I then learned that going against the clock was actually a freeing way to allow my creativity to flow. I’m sticking to my outline, but some interesting surprises snuck into this first draft. I’m also learning to remember that his is the imperfect first draft and rather than continually tweak and seek perfection – which was my old writing style – to just forge ahead and write crap. It’s really fun.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: The high speed writing rules empowered me to start writing and not quick, don’t look back, move forward. This has not been my habit in the past, which is why it’s always taken me forever to produce something that’s halfway decent. Moving forward with confidence that I’ll make improvements down the road has enabled me to complete my first draft of Act 1. And if I hadn’t committed to sticking to my outline, I definitely would’ve strayed from it and created something that would’ve taken the rest of the script way off track. I swear, I should have the high speed writing rules tatooed on my arm!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s High Speed Writing Rules

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

Title: The Home Strip

Genre: Rom Com

Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, where instead of finding fortune she discovers true love.

What I learned: Giving myself permission to write fast and write shit is lots of fun. It frees me from the trap of constant editing and striving for perfection the first time around. I’m also enjoying some of the surprises that come from just letting the writing flow.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s First Scene

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

Title: The Home Strip

Genre: Rom Com

Logline: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, where instead of finding fortune she discovers true love.

What I learned: Following the outline will be an efficient way to speed through my first draft, providing I have the discipline to stick to the outline and not stray off on a tangent. It’s also been fun to flesh out my scene and I’m looking forward to continuing the process – while sticking to my outline!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I am ready for another round of feedback for my rom-com, The Home Strip.

Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, only to find true love for the very first time.

Anyone who is interested can contact me at: peggi_oh@yahoo.com.

Update: An exchange has been made.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I’m ready to exchange feedback for my rom com, The Home Strip

Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money, an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, only to find true love for the first time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: This was the most challenging lesson but most worthwhile to complete. The idea of always thinking about interest techniques is indeed beneficial.

Title: The Home Strip – Comedy

Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money, an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, only to find true love for the first time ever.

1. INT. ESTATE SALE HOUSE – DAY

In a room crammed with antiques, JAKI BURAN glances at a MIDDLE-AGED MAN, then stumbles while reaching for a figures on top of a book shelf. A Man takes the figurine down and hands it to Jaki. She smiles and walks off, stuffing a wallet into her bra.

Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Jaki peruses an estate sale, and a male customer.

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Jaki stumbles and is helped by the man.

End: (Intrigue) Jaki hurries off while stuffing something into her bra.

Scene arc: Jaki adeptly picks the Man’s pocket and leaves the sale.

Essence: Jaki’s not above a little larceny.

Conflict: Will she be caught?

Subtext: Jaki is broke.

Hope/Fear: We hope she’s not caught. We fear she will be.

2. EXT. ESTATE SALE HOUSE – DAY

Jaki spots a HOMELESS MAN who clutches a little dog. She takes a wallet from her bra, removes the money and hands it to the Homeless Man, as Middle Aged Man rushes from the house. Jaki acts like she just found the wallet on the ground, asks the Man “Could this possible be yours?”

Beginning: (External Dilemma) Jaki considers the Homeless Man.

Middle: (Twist) Jaki gives the money from the wallet to the Homeless Man.

End: (Suspense) Jaki feigns finding the wallet and returns it to the Man.

Scene Arc: Jaki gives money from the Man’s wallet to the Homeless Man, as the Middle-Aged Man leaves the house and she returns the wallet.

Essence: Jaki helps others.

Conflict: Jaki’s inner conflict. She needed the money, but the Homeless Man needed it more.

Subtext: Jaki has a good heart.

Hope/Fear: We think Jaki will return the wallet. We fear the plan will backfire.

3. INT: JAKI’S CAR – DAY

Jaki about to start the car – a clown suit and wig is in the back seat. Her cell phone dings – it’s a text: Where are you, Jaki the Juggler? You’re late for the welcome act.” After a few tries, Jaki starts the car and drives off in a hurry.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki has a clown suit in her car.

Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki is Jaki the Juggler, who needs to do a welcome act.

End: (Uncertainty) It takes several tries for Jaki’s car to start.

Scene Arc: Jaki in her car, gets a text and drives off once the car starts..

Essence: Jaki is a clown?

Conflict: Jaki’s late, but the car won’t start.

Subtext: Jaki’s broke.

Hope/Fear: We hope the car will start. We fear it won’t.

4. INT. HAPPY HOURS ASSITSTED LIVING HOME – DAY

In the midst of Jaki’s half-assed clown juggler act, newcomer, wheelchair bound AJAX COLEMAN, blasts a sexy song on his boom box. Jaki commences a sexy dance to the delight of all Resident, but the SUPERVISOR is horrified and shuts down the boom box.

Beginning: (Mislead) Jaki is a lousy clown.

Middle: (Twist) The sexy song causes Jaki to break into a raunchy dance.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) The Supervisor put a stop to the dance.

Scene Arc: Jaki’s raunchy dance is a big hit, until the Supervisor puts a stop to it.

Essence: Jaki can be downright enticing.

Conflict: Jaki versus the Supervisor.

Subtext: Jaki sets her sights on Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We love the happiness Jaki’s dance brings. We fear the Supervisor will ruin the fun.

5. EXT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Jaki and Supervisor, ROCHELLE BARUN argue over Jaki’s behavior but a phone call from Rochelle’s daughter’s daycare – come get her, she’s sick. Rochelle begs Jaki to help, with her granddaughter.

Beginning: (Mislead) Jaki and the Supervisor having an argument.

Middle: (Intrigue) Rochelle asks Jaki to help with her daughter.

End: (Reveal) Jaki is Rochelle’s mother.

Scene Arc: Jaki and the Rochelle argue until Rochelle begs Jaki to help with Rochelle’s daughter, who is Jaki’s granddaughter – Rochelle is Jaki’s daughter.

Essence: Jaki and Rochelle have a tumultuous relationship.

Conflict: Jaki embarrasses Rochelle, but Rochelle depends on Jaki’s help.

Subtext: Jaki has never been a “conventional” mother.

Hope/Fear: We hope Rochelle appreciates her mother. We fear that she doesn’t.

6. INT. HAPPY HOURS COMMON ROOM – DAY

Rochelle finds the Happy Hours LADIES attempting Jaki’s raunchy moves, and Ajax suggests that Jaki teach some lessons. The Ladies love the idea, but Rochelle uses a kitchen delivery as an excuse to not deal with the request.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The Happy Hours Ladies’ awkward dance attempts.

Middle: (Twist) Ajax suggests that Jaki give lessons.

End: (External Dilemma) Rochelle refuses to commit to Ajax’s idea.

Scene Arc: The Ladies awkward dance to Rochelle ignoring Ajax’s idea to have Jaki have dance lessons. le

Essence: Rochelle makes the rules.

Conflict: Ladies who want to dance versus Rochelle.

Hope/Fear: We hope the Ladies can get the lessons. We fear Rochelle has given the last word.

7. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Ajax rifles Rochelle’s office. He peaks into her briefcase and discovers a load of overdue bills. He peruses her computer, discovers Jaki’s email and quickly sends one to her. Rochelle returns and Ajax pretends he got lost looking for a men’s room.

Beginning: (Superior Position, from Ajax’s POV) Ajax learns that Rochelle is deep in deb6.

Middle: (Intrigue) He sends an email to Jaki.

End: (Surprise) Rochelle catches Ajax in her office and he feigns being lost.

Essence: Ajax is nosy and interested in Jaki.

Conflict: Will Ajax get caught?

Subtext: Ajax dislikes Happy Hours.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax won’t be caught. We fear that he will.

8. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY

The club is empty, but for Jaki doing moves on a pole, and her granddaughter, toddler LILLY, chasing after a BARTENDER, grabbing at his watch. Jaki quits dancing when her cell phone signals an e-mail. It’s from Rochelle? Asking her to come to Happy Hours and teach some dance? How odd. Jaki scoops up Lilly and leaves.

Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Jaki dances as Lilly tries to steal a Bartender’s watch.

Middle: (Mislead) An email from Rochelle? Inviting her to teach dance lessons?

End: Jaki leaves with Lilly.

Scene Arc: From dancing at an empty strip club to leaving to teach dance.

Essence: Jaki is invited to Happy Hours..

Conflict: Ajax sent the email, not Rochelle.

Subtext: Jaki sees this as an opportunity to start a relationship with Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki will give dance lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.

9. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Jaki tries to teach Ladies some moves. It’s fun, but they’re bad!. Rochelle puts a stop to the lessons, and she and Jaki have a tiff over the mysterious email. Ajax interrupts the fight to invite Jaki for coffee.

Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Jaki teaches, thinking Rochelle asked her to.

Middle: (Reveal) Rochelle did not send the email.

End: (Intrigue) Ajax’s invitation to Jaki for coffee.

Scene arc: Jaki arrives for lessons and ends up with Ajax.

Essence: Jaki’s chance to flirt with Ajax.

Conflict: The email has Rochelle in a tizzy. Who sent it?

Subtext: Jaki is broke, sees Ajax as a cash cow.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t scam Ajax. We fear she will. (That’s so lame.)

10. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Jaki and Ajax have a flirtatious conversation while Jaki scopes the room. All goes well until Ajax’s son, GEORGE COLEMAN, walks in – the Man whose wallet Jaki lifted – and insists he he must have a private talk with Ajax.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki and Ajax flirt and get to know each other.

Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki notes some expensive jewelry and Ajax’s Rolex.

End: (Surprise) George walks in and interrupts the good time, and Jaki recognizes him from the other day.

Scene Arc: Ajax and Jaki have a flirtatious conversation, until George appears.

Essence: Ajax has a crush on Jaki.

Conflict: George suspects that Jaki is golddigging.

Subtext: George is right.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki genuinely likes Ajax. We fear that she doesn’t.

11. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY

It’s still closed. Jaki’s back doing moves on the pole, while Lilly sits at the bar and plays with a toy watch the Bartender gives her. George bursts in to inform Jaki that golddigging Ajax is useless – he pays for Ajax’s Happy Hours expenses. Jaki says she simply happens to like Ajax.

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Jaki dances while Lilly eats potato chips

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) George arrives and tells Jaki to back off of Ajax.

End: (Internal Dilemma) Jaki surprises herself by admitting she likes Ajax.

Scene Arc: George’s info to Jaki to her saying she likes Ajax.

Essence: Jaki likes Ajax.

Conflict: George is suspicious of Jaki.

Subtext: Jaki just might, though she can’t quite believe it, genuinely care for Ajax.

12. INT. HAPPY HOURS COMMON ROOM – DAY

Jaki calls the numbers, while bored RESIDENTS play Bingo. Resident IRENE starts of chant for dance lessons. Jaki involves the Ladies in an impromptu dace, until Rochelle walks in and shoots Jaki a poisonous glare. Back to Bingo.

Beginning: Boring bingo

Middle: (Twist) Bingo morphs into an impromptu dance.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle again stops the fun and boring Bingo starts again.

Scene arc: From Bingo to dancing to Rochelle spoiling things again.

Essence: Jaki is needed to give Happy Hours some fun.

Conflict: Rochelle is against the lessons.

Subtext: Rochelle doesn’t want her mother to embarrass her.

13. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

While Rochelle tries to make sense of her woeful financial situation, George interrupts to tell her that he’ll pay extra money to keep her mother away from Ajax.

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Rochelle tries to make sense of her finances.

Middle: (Betrayal) George bribes Rochelle to keep Jaki from Ajax.

Scene Arc: Rochelle’s sad finances to a bribe from George.

Essence: Rochelle needs money.

Conflict: This is unethical, but Rochelle is broke.

Subtext: Rochelle is embarrassed by Jaki.

Hope/Fear: We fear Rochelle will take the bribe. We fear she will hurt Jaki in the process.

LATER

Jaki walks in and Rochelle lies to Jaki, that Lilly’s daycare is closing. Jaki can either give lessons or watch her granddaughter.

End: (Mislead) Rochelle tells a lie to keep Jaki away from Ajax.

Scene Arc: Rochelle’s request to Jaki needing to make a choice.

Essence: Rochelle lies to Jaki.

Conflict: Jaki would love to give lessons, but she also loves her granddaughter.

Subtext: Rochelle has taken George’s bribe.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can give dance lessons. We fear she’ll opt to watch Lilly instead.

14. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Rochelle drops Lilly off, says she has a workshop to attend and will pick up Lilly later. After Rochelle leaves, suspicious Jaki calls the daycare and finds out that it’s still open. Jaki scoops up Lilly and leaves.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Rochelle keeps up the lie to keep Jaki from Happy Hours.

Middle: (Reveal) Jaki discovers that the daycare is still open.

End: (Intrigue) Jaki and Lilly leave, but we don’t know where they’re going.

Scene Arc: Rochelle drops off Lilly.

Essence: Rochelle depends on Jaki.

Conflict: Rochelle doesn’t like depending on Jaki.

Subtext: Jaki distrusts her daughter.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lilly will have fun with Jaki. We fear Jaki has some surreptitious plans.

15. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Jaki waltzes into Happy Hour with Lilly and commences dance lessons. The Ladies are catching on, as the Happy Hours MEN, Ajax included, watch, however Irene gets dizzy and Jaki must help her to sit down. And Lilly wanders off.

Beginning: (Betrayal – Jaki betrays Rochelle) Jaki starts her lessons.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment)The Ladies are dancing, but Irene gets dizzy and needs help.

End: (Intrigue) Lilly wanders off and Jaki must find her.

Scene Arc: Jaki brings Lilly to the Ladies’ dance lessons, but Lilly wanders off.

Essence: Jaki has a good time with the Ladies.

Conflict: Too much confusion with elderly dance lessons, combined with a toddler.

Subtext: Jaki does her best to help everyone.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lilly doesn’t get into trouble on her own. We fear that she will.

16. INT: HALLWAY – DAY

Jaki locates Lilly about to enter Rochelle’s office, but Jaki steers her toward Ajax’s room, where the door is open. Jaki shoos Lilly inside.

Beginning: Jaki finds Lilly outside of Rochelle’s office.

Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki steer Lilly toward Ajax’s room.

End: (Intrigue, Betrayal – Jaki betrays Ajax) Jaki uses Lilly as a means to get into Ajax’s room.

Scene Arc: Jaki finds Lilly and steers her into Ajax’s room.

Essence: Jaki sees the opportunity to snoop.

Conflict:

Subtext: Jaki knows this isn’t right, but she can’t help herself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t get caught. We fear she will.

17. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Jaki rifles Ajax’s belongings, finds some expensive jewelry, a Rolex. Jaki’s about to leave when George shows up. Jaki insists she’s only looking for her granddaughter. George thinks not, and as they argue, Lilly toddles off with the Rolex, not noticed by Jaki or George.

Beginning: (Suspense) Jaki searched through Ajax’s belonging.

Middle: (Surprise) Jaki is caught by George as she leaves the room.

End: (Superior Position) Lilly leaves with the Rolex.

Scene Arc: Jaki’s search to George to Lilly leaving with the Rolex.

Essence: Jaki is lucky.

Conflict: Jaki caught by George.

Subtext: Jaki wants a cash cow.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t get caught. We fear she will be.

18. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Lilly stashes the Rolex in Rochelle’s desk drawer moments before Jaki walks in, followed by George wheeling Ajax in, and George accuses Jaki of snooping in Ajax’s room,, but George sides with Jaki.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Lilly stashes the watch.

Middle: Jaki finds Lilly.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) George accuses Jaki of snooping, in front of Ajax.

Scene Arc: Lilly puts the Rolex in Rochelle’s desk drawer, moments before Jaki walks in.

Essence: The watch has officially disappeared.

Conflict: Set up for future conflict. What happened to the Rolex?

Subtext: Only Lilly knows where the Rolex is.

Hope/Fear: We fear that Jaki will be blamed for the missing Rolex. We hope she won’t be.

19. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – NIGHT

Jaki tries to teach Lilly to use a scooter, but Lilly topples and cries, just as Rochelle shows up. She’s pissed that Lilly is hurt and that Jaki gave lessons when she was told not to. Rochelle tries to leave with Lilly, but Lilly wants to stay overnight with Jaki.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lilly is hurt just as Rochelle shows ups.

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle yells at Jaki in front of Lilly.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lilly wants to stay with Jaki instead of going home with Rochelle.

Scene Arc: Rochelle’s fury to allowing Lilly to stay overnight.

Essence: Jaki embarrasses Rochelle.

Conflict: Jaki and Rochelle can’t get along, however Rochelle depends on Jaki.

Subtext: Jaki and Rochelle love each other, no matter what.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can somehow get along. We fear it can’t happen.

20. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

The next morning Jaki gets a text from Ajax – Everyone is waiting for her to give lessons. Where is she? Jaki has an idea and starts to gleefully leave with Lilly, but – wait, how did Ajax get her number?

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki gets a text from Ajax about giving dance lessons.

Middle: (Mystery) We can tell that Jaki has an idea, but we don’t know what it is?

End: (Mystery) Jaki wonders out loud as to how Ajax got her number.

Scene Arc: Jaki at home to leaving to give dance lessons.

Essence: Jaki’s curiosity over how Ajax got her number.

Subtext: Jaki sees an opportunity to further her relationship with Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki is on her way to give lessons. Fear… ?.

21. EXT/INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Jaki teaches lessons on the front lawn, through the windows of Happy Hours. The Ladies love dancing. The Men, Ajax included, love watching. Rochelle in the background, furious. Ajax checks out Rochelle and wheels off.

Beginning: (Surprise, Interesting Setting.) Jaki teaches lessons through the windows of Happy Hours.

Middle: The Happy Hours Ladies are having a great time.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle watches, furious. (Intrigue). Ajax leaves.

Scene Arc: Jaki teaching through the windows to Rochelle’s consternation.

Essence: Jaki is stubborn and also loves spreading some happiness.

Conflict: Jaki’s actions infuriate Rochelle

Subtext: Jaki wants Ajax’s attention.

Hope/Fear: We hope the lessons can continue. We fear a burgeoning war between Jaki and Rochelle.

22. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Ajax wheels into the office, uses Rochelle’s computer to find phone number of a local news station. He notes that Rochelle has just made an expensive online purchase, then calls the station and gives them info about Jaki’s lessons.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Ajax looks up the number of a local news station.

Middle: (Intrigue) He notes that Rochelle is recklessly spending money.

End: (Surprise) Ajax tells that news station that Jaki’s lessons might make a good human interest story.

Scene Arc: Ajax notes Rochelle’s purchases, then phones a local news station.

Essence: Jaki will get positive publicity.

Conflict: This move will surely piss off Rochelle.

Subtext: Ajax really, really likes Jaki.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax can get together with Jaki. We fear Jaki is just after his money.

23. EXT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Scene Arc: With Lilly in tow, Jaki is interviewed about her lessons, and the Ladies stream outside to show off their moves. Rochelle scoops up Lilly – doesn’t want the kid in this story! But when the INTERVIEWER asks Rochelle about this great, new idea, Rochelle acts as if she was the instigator.

Beginning: Jaki is interviews about the lessons. (She may give her backstory, as a former stripper/pole dancer.)

Middle: (Surprise) The Ladies stream outside to show their moves, but (Uncomfortable Moment) Irene gets dizzy again and Jaki comes to her aid.

End: (Betrayal) Rochelle pretends that the dance lessons are her idea.

Essence: The Ladies so enjoy Jaki and the dance lessons.

Conflict: Should a toddler be present when her grandma teaches raunchy dances?

Subtext: Jaki has a blast with the Ladies and is always there to help.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can continue with the lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.

LATER

The interview over, Jaki is about to leave when Ajax comes outside to ask her out, a celebratory date. Rochelle approaches them, Lilly in her arms and reminds Jaki that she is still needed to babysit, but Jaki says she can’t, needs to get ready for a date.

Beginning: (Hope) Ajax asks Jaki for a date.

Middle: (Fear) Rochelle approaches with Lilly and overhears this.

End: (Cliffhanger, of sorts) Jaki can’t babysit. She needs to get ready for her date.

Scene Arc: Ajax asks Jaki out to Jaki declining to babysit Lilly.

Essence: Jaki appreciates Ajax’s attraction to her.

Conflict: Rochelle needs to keep Jaki away from Ajax.

Subtext: Jaki is falling for Ajax the person, not Ajax the cash cow.

Hope/Fear: We hope for a happy ending for Ajax and Jaki. We fear Rochelle may screw things up.

24. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Ajax is searching his room, everywhere. George walks in and asks what’s going on. Ajax says he can’t find his Rolex, and and George reminds Ajax that he’d caught Jaki in the room.

Beginning: (Mystery) Ajax is searching his room for his Watch.

Middle: George walks in.

End: (Suspense) George reminds Ajax that he caught Jaki in Ajax’s room.

Scene Arc: Ajax discovers his Rolex is missing, then learns that Jaki had been in his room.

Essence: Ajax wants a good time with Jaki, but –

Conflict: Did Jaki take the Rolex?.

Subtext: Something always goes wrong at the wrong time.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax doesn’t think Jaki is responsible for the missing watch. We fear that might happen.

25. INT. HAPPY HOURS PARKING LOT – DAY

Rochelle and Lilly are headed toward Rochelle’s car when George, wheeling Ajax, catches up to them to report the missing Rolex to. Ajax attempts to defend Jaki, but Rochelle shuts him down – Jaki stole the watch. Ajax wheels off, disgusted that Rochelle is so quick to blame her mother.

Beginning: (Suspense) George reports to Rochelle that Ajax’s watch is missing.

Middle: (Betrayal) Rochelle blames Jaki.

End: (Intrigue) Ajax wheels off, where we don’t know.

Scene Arc: From the report to Rochelle to Ajax disappointed with Rochelle’s behavior.

Essence: A conspiracy between Rochelle and George.

Conflict: Rochelle and George blame Jaki. Ajax is not so sure.

Subtext: Ajax sees the flaw in Rochelle’s personality.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax will continue his interest in Jaki. We fear that George and Rochelle will keep them apart.

26. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Jaki gets a text from Rochelle: Her date with Ajax is cancelled. Why did Rochelle give this information? Jaki texts Rochelle back, but no answer. She’s pissed and needs answers. Jaki starts to leave.

Beginning: (Surprise) Jaki gets a text from Rochelle.

Middle: (Surprise) Her date with Ajax is cancelled, but why did Rochelle tell her this?

End: (Intrigue) Jaki heads out the door.

Scene arc: Jaki learns her date with Ajax is cancelled, but heads to Happy Hours to find out why.

Essence: Jaki realizes she truly cares for Ajax.

Conflict: George’s wishes to keep Jaki and Ajax apart may be successful.

Subtext: Jaki is ready to fall in love.

Hope/Fear: We fear a Jaki and Ajax relationship is doomed. We hope we’re wrong.

27. EXT. Parking Lot – Day

George catches up with Ajax and forces him to return to Happy Hours. Once inside, Ajax tells George to go to hell, that he’s not staying in this place a minute longer than he has to. George tells him that the only way he’ll leave is on a stretcher. George leaves.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) George forces Ajax back into Happy Hours.

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) An argument in which Ajax tells George that he’s going to get out of Happy Hours.

End: (Uncomfortable Moment) George essentially tells Ajax that his time at Happy Hours is a life sentence.

28. EXT./INT: ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

The door is locked, but Ajax has lock picking skills. Inside, he searches for Jaki’s address. And his Rolex. He leaves the watch and takes off.

Beginning: (Surprise) Ajax must pick the lock to get inside of Rochelle’s office.

Middle: Ajax finds Jaki’s address and his Rolex

End: (Surprise, Twist) Ajax leaves the Rolex where it is.

Scene Arc: Ajax searches for Jaki’s address and discovers his Rolex.

Essence: Ajax cares for Jaki.

Conflict: Ajax now thinks Jaki stole the watch.

Subtext: Ajax can take care of himself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax and Jaki will get together. We fear discovery of the watch might keep them apart.

29. EXT: HAPPY HOURS – NIGHT

Ajax wheels over a curb to cross the street and catch a bus. He’s dumped out of his wheelchair, but the bus driver helps him up and into the wheelchair. He boards the bus just as Jaki’s car turns into Happy Hour’s parking lot, with a police car behind her, it’s lights flashing. Jaki was speeding.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ajax is dumped out of his wheelchair.

Middle: (Suspense) The bus driver helps Ajax up. (Ajax will refuse the idea of going to a hospital to get checked out. He needs to get to Jaki.)

End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki is followed by a police car, because she was speeding.

Scene Arc: Ajax on a bus to Jaki’s car in Happy Hour’s parking lot, followed by a cop.

Essence: Ajax is self-sufficient despite his handicap.

Conflict: Jaki and Ajax have just missed each other.

Subtext: Jaki and Ajax care for each other.

Hope/Fear: We hope the two will get together. We fear that they won’t.

30. INT. – HAPPY HOURS – NIGHT

Jaki searches for Ajax, but he’s not to be found. A CAREGIVER decides that George must be told that his dad is missing. Jaki takes that as her cue to get out.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Jaki can’t find Ajax.

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) A caregiver decides that George must be told that his dad is missing.

End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki hightails it out of there.

Scene Arc: Jaki searching for Ajax to a Caregiver phoning George that his dad is missing.

Essence: Confusion over where Ajax is and if there should be concern.

Conflict: Well, Ajax isn’t exactly missing.

Subtext: Jaki and Ajax care for each other.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Ajax get together. We fear that they won’t.

31. INT./EXT. JAKI’S CAR – NIGHT

Jaki repeatedly tries to start the car. Whatever’s wrong with it, it cannot start. She gets out, just as George’s car speeds into the lot, almost hitting her. George couldn’t care less about just missing Jaki. He accuses her of being the reason his dad is missing.

Beginning: (Fear) Jaki’s car will not start.

Middle: (Fear) George just about runs over Jaki.

End: (Misinterpretation) George accuses Jaki of being the reason that his dad is missing. (Cliffhanger)

32. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – NIGHT

Ajax struggles to get out of his wheelchair and up the front stairs. The doorbell is too high for him to reach, so he knocks on the door. Nobody answer.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ajax has a hard time managing the stairs to Jaki’s front door.

Middle: (Hope) He can’t reach the doorbell, but he can knock on the door.

End: (Fear) Nobody home. Now what?

Scene Arc: Ajax’s struggle to manage stairs only to discover that Jaki is not home.

Essence: Ajax is determined.

Conflict: Ajax against the stairs.

Subtext: Ajax is determined.

Hope/Fear: We hope they will stay together. We fear their kids will interfere and keep them apart.

33. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Rochelle, Lilly in tow, arrives to help figure out where Ajax is. George and Jaki are there, George alludes to Rochelle, in front of Jaki, about the extra money that he’s paying and why. Jaki gives Rochelle a poisonous stare.

Beginning: (Superior Position – the audience knows where Ajax is.) Rochelle, George and Jaki all want to know what happened to Ajax.

Middle: (Betrayal) Jaki learns that Rochelle is accepting money to keep her out of Ajax’s life.

End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki gives Rochelle a poisonous stare.

Scene Arc: Rochelle arriving to search for Ajax to Jaki learning about George’s plan to keep her from .

Essence: This info startles Jaki.

Conflict: Mostly, Jaki learning that Rochelle takes money to keep her from a relationship with Ajax.

Subtext: Jaki’s disappointment with Rochelle.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Rochelle’s relationship won’t suffer. We fear that it will.

34. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Jaki and Rochelle argue over Rochelle possibly taking a bribe from George, while Lilly hides under the desk. She crawls to the desk drawer and takes out the Rolex. Lilly takes the Rolex. An argument ensues over who put the watch there. Lilly walks out, disgusted – with the keys to Rochelle’s car, which she deftly lifted.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment – for Lilly) Jaki and Rochelle argue, while George fumes over his missing dad.

Middle: (Reveal) Lilly removes the watch from Rochelle’s desk. The adults argue over who put it there.

End: (Twist) Jaki leaves in a huff, with Rochelle’s car keys.

Scene Arc: An argument between Jaki and Rochelle to Lilly producing the watch, to Jaki leaving.

Essence:

Conflict: What is the Rolex doing in Rochelle’s desk?

Subtext: Jaki loves her daughter but finds her exasperating.

Hope/Fear: We fear that Jaki and Rochelle’s relationship is at a breaking point. We hope they can remain a family, minus the conflict.

35. EXT. HAPPY HOURS PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Lilly gets into Rochelle’s car and leaves.

No beginning, middle or end. I just have to get her home.

36. EXT: JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jaki returns home to find Ajax sitting on her front porch. He suggests they run away together. Jaki has a better idea – let’s get you inside so we can have a drink.

Beginning: (Surprise) Jaki finds Ajax on her front porch.

Middle: (External Dilemma) Ajax is so frustrated with his son that he’s ready to run away. Jaki doesn’t think that’s such a good idea.

End: (Intrigue) Jaki invites Ajax in for a drink.

Scene Arc: From Jaki returning home to discovering that Ajax is there.

Essence: Ajax is determined to have a relationship with Jaki.

Conflict: Is he serious about wanting to run away?

Subtext: Jaki is falling for Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope they will get together. We fear that they won’t.

35: INT. JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jaki and Ajax have a heart-to-heart about their kids, their feelings for one another, their finances. – until Rochelle, Lilly and George show up. George threatens to remove all financial help from Ajax and Jaki invites Ajax to live at her house. George leaves, disgusted. Jaki tosses Rochelle her car keys, says she can go too.

Beginning: Jaki and Ajax in a heart-to-heart talk.

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle, Lilly and George show up.

End: (Surprise) After George threatens to take away Ajax’s financial help, Jaki invites him to live at her place, and George leaves, disgusted.

Scene Arc: Jaki and Ajax furthering their relationship to Rochelle and Lilly showing up.

Essence: Can’t walk away from family, even when you really wish you could.

Conflict: How can you further a relationship with the kids always interfere?

Subtext: Rochelle needs her mother.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Rochelle can come to terms. We fear that they can’t.

36. EXT. JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jaki follows Rochelle outside to insist they settle their differences. Ajax calls from inside – he’ll watch Lilly. And Jaki and Rochelle hash out their long-time problems. Rochelle accepts, somewhat skeptically, that Jaki has true feelings for Ajax. But Jaki has a problem – she’s about to be evicted and may need to move in with Jaki.

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Jaki and Rochelle have a heart to heart while Ajax watches Lilly.

Middle: Jaki and Rochelle settle their long time problems.

End: (Twist) Rochelle may need to move in with Jaki.

37. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY

Jaki gives dance lessons, then continues with her new job as a caregiver.

Beginning: Jaki gives dance lessons.

Middle and End: (Surprise) Jaki moves on to her new job as a caregiver

Scene Arc: Jaki as dance teacher, then a caregiver.

Essence: Jaki is earning money in a way that makes her happy.

Conflict:

Subtext: Jaki is good-hearted.

37. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

George, a financial advisor (must establish this earlier), shows Rochelle how to straighten out her financial situation, while MOVING MEN walk past the door with Ajax’s belongings, Ajax at their heels.

Beginning: (Surprise) George gives Rochelle financial advice.

Middle: (Intrigue) Moving Men walk past with someone’s belongings.

End: (Reveal) The stuff belongs to Ajax – he’s moving out.

Essence: Ajax gets along with Rochelle.

Conflict:

Subtext: Ajax cares for Jaki’s family.

38. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

In the midst of his unpacked boxes, Ajax proposes to Jaki. She tells him she needs time to think it over.

Beginning: (Surprise) Ajax proposes to Jaki.

Middle and End: Jaki hesitates to give an answer.

Scene Arc: Ajax’s proposal to Jaki’s proclamation.

Essence: Jaki is hesitant.

Conflict:

Subtext: Jaki doubts herself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki will eventually accept the proposal. We fear that she won’t.

39. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY

The Happy Hours Ladies are there to give a special show! Jaki does some moves on a pole, which Rochelle, though somewhat embarrassed, accepts. Ajax proposes again and Jaki accepts, but where is George? He promised to be there.

Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Old ladies giving a show at a strip show.

Middle: (Surprise) Ajax proposes again and Jaki accepts.

End: (Intrigue) Where is George.

40. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Jaki, Ajax and Rochelle return to Jaki’s to see George supervising the installation of a handicapped ramp for Ajax.

I’m just gonna call this the happy ending.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Scene Requirements

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplay and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Outlining each scene this way enabled me to see my story, rather than just think it. I was also able to see where my plot holes are, some of which are still there. However, I’m trusting that the story will continue to show me how and where to fill in the blanks.

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Scene arc: Jaki picks the pocket of a middle-aged MAN and hurries from the store.

Essence: Jaki’s not above a little larceny.

Conflict: Will she be caught?

Subtext: Jaki is broke.

Hope/Fear: We hope she’s not caught. We fear she will be.

INT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki gives a panhandler money from the Man’s wallet and returns to the store.

Essence: Jaki helps others.

Conflict: Jaki’s inner conflict. She needed the money, but the panhandler needed it more.

Subtext: Jaki has a good heart.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki wants to return the wallet. We fear the plan will backfire.

INT: GROCERY STORE – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki tells the Man she found his wallet in the parking lot, frowns at his wedding ring.

Essence: Jaki is a quick thinker.

Conflict: Inner conflict – Jaki could hit on him but he’s married.

Subtext: Jaki might be larcenous but she had principles.

Hope/Fear: We hope the Man believes Jaki’s story. We fear he thinks she picked his pocket.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki’s online transcription work is interrupted by a phone call. Did she forget that she’s needed to welcome a newcomer to an assisted living home?

Essence: Jaki works several jobs.

Conflict: Jaki has to give up one job in order to do another.

Subtext: Jaki is broke.

Hope/Fear: Fear: It wasn’t a good idea to leave one job. Hope: Will this one pay better.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki’s half-assed clown act morphs into a raunchy dance when newcomer, wheelchair bound, AJAX COLEMAN blasts a sexy song on his boom box.

Essence: Jaki can be downright enticing.

Conflict: The RESIDENTS are delighted with Jaki’s dance, but the assisted living supervisor, ROCHELLE is horrified.

Subtext: Jaki sets her sights on Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki has good intentions toward Ajax. We fear that she doesn’t.

EXT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki and the Rochelle in an argument over Jaki’s behavior, until a phone call from Rochelle’s daughter’s daycare – come to get her. The child is sick

Essence: Jaki is Rochelle’s mother.

Conflict: Rochelle is disgusted by Jaki, but needs Jaki’s help in caring for her daughter.

Subtext: Jaki and Rochelle depend on each other, like it or not.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki is a good grandmother. We fear she may not be.

INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, learns Rochelle is deep in debt and procures Jaki’s phone number and email address.

Essence: Ajax is nosy and interested in Jaki.

Conflict: Will Ajax get caught?

Subtext: Ajax dislikes the assisted living home.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax won’t be caught. We fear that he will.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Jaki receives an e-mail: The ladies at the assisted living home would love it if she would teach dance lessons.

Essence: Jaki is invited to the assisted living home.

Conflict: How will Rochelle feel about this.

Subtext: Will Jaki do this just for the money?

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki will give dance lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene arc: Assisted living LADIES have a great time learning sexy dance moves from Jaki, until Rochelle puts a stop to it.

Essence: Jaki enjoys the older Ladies.

Conflict: Jaki is embarrassing Rochelle.

Subtext: Jaki uses the lessons as a way to have further contact with Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope the lessons will continue. We fear Rochelle will stop them.

INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Ajax and Jaki have a flirtatious conversation, until GEORGE, Ajax’s son, walks in.

Essence: Ajax has a crush on Jaki.

Conflict: George suspects that Jaki is hitting on Ajax for all the wrong reasons.

Subtext: George is right.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki genuinely likes Ajax. We fear that she doesn’t.

INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: Rochelle asks Jaki to watch her toddler daughter, LILLY because Lilly’s daycare is closing.

Essence: Rochelle needs Jaki’s help.

Conflict: Jaki loves Lilly, but watching her will interfere with a relationship with Ajax.

Subtext: Rochelle lied. She’s too broke to afford daycare.

Hope/Fear: We hope everyone’s best interest is with Lilly. We fear Lilly might be neglected.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki brings Lilly to the Ladies’ dance lessons, but Lilly wanders off.

Essence: Someone must watch Lilly.

Conflict: Too much confusion with elderly dance lessons, combined with a toddler.

Subtext: Jaki does her best to help everyone.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lilly doesn’t get into trouble on her own. We fear that she will.

INT: AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki steers Lilly inside, so she can search for info about Ajax. Lilly slips a Rolex into her overalls, just as Rochelle finds Jaki and Lilly toddles off.

Essence: Jaki rifles Ajax’s room.

Conflict: Rochelle and Jaki argue over why Jaki is in the room.

Subtext: Jaki sees Ajax as a cash cow.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t get caught. We fear Lilly will get into trouble on her own.

INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: Lilly puts the Rolex in Rochelle’s desk drawer, moments before Rochelle walks in, Jaki right behind her.

Essence: No one but Lilly knows where the Rolex is.

Conflict: Rochelle is furious that Jaki isn’t properly caring for Lilly.

Subtext: Rochelle doubts her abilities to mother.

Hope/Fear: We hope Rochelle and Jaki won’t get into an argument. We fear they will – and they do.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki gets a text from Rochelle: The home’s owner has banned dance lessons.

Essence: Jaki can’t teach at the home anymore.

Conflict: Jaki doesn’t believe Rochelle and makes plans of her own.

Subtext: Rochelle is a liar.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can continue with the lessons. We fear she’s screwed.

EXT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Lilly in tow, Jaki teaches lessons through the windows of the home.

Essence: Jaki is stubborn.

Conflict: Jaki’s actions infuriate Rochelle

Subtext: Jaki continues to get Ajax’s attention.

Hope/Fear: We hope the lessons can continue. We fear a burgeoning war between Jaki and Rochelle.

INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Ajax phones a local news station to do a special interest story on Jaki’s lessons.

Essence: Jaki gets positive publicity.

Conflict: This move will surely piss off Rochelle.

Subtext: Ajax really, really likes Jaki.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax can get together with Jaki. We fear Jaki is just after his money.

EXT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: With Lilly in tow, Jaki is interviewed about her lessons, and the Ladies stream outside to show off their moves.

Essence: The Ladies so enjoy the dance lessons

Conflict: Should a toddler be present when her grandma teaches raunchy dances?

Subtext: Jaki has a blast with the Ladies.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can continue with the lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Overheard by Rochelle, Ajax asks Jaki on a date to celebrate her new fame.

Essence: Ajax and Jaki have a mutual attraction.

Conflict: Rochelle suspects Jaki is only out for Ajax’s money.

Subtext: Jaki is falling for Ajax the person, not Ajax the cash cow.

Hope/Fear: We hope for a happy ending for Ajax and Jaki. We fear Rochelle may screw things up.

INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Ajax gets ready for his date, but discovers his Rolex is missing.

Essence: Ajax looks forward to time spent with Jaki.

Conflict: The Rolex is missing.

Subtext: Something always goes wrong at the wrong time.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax doesn’t think Jaki is responsible for the missing watch. We fear that might happen.

INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: As his son George discusses Ajax’s finances with Rochelle, Ajax arrives to report the missing Rolex. Rochelle doesn’t hesitate to name Jaki as a suspect.

Essence: A conspiracy form against Jaki and Ajax getting together.

Conflict: Rochelle and George blame Jaki. Ajax is not so sure.

Subtext: Rochelle doesn’t want Ajax in Jaki’s life.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax doesn’t believe that Jaki took the watch. We fear he’ll believe Rochelle.

INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: George threatens to remove Ajax from the nursing home if he continues a relationship with Jaki.

Essence: George wants to control Ajax.

Subtext: Ajax is broke and relies on George’s support.

Hope/Fear: We fear that George will stop a relationship between Ajax and Jaki. We hope he won’t succeed.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Scene arc: After getting a text from Rochelle informing her that the date with Ajax is off, Jaki tries to contact Ajax, but Rochelle has forbidden the home’s Employees to let the call go through.

Essence: Jaki realizes how much she cares for Ajax.

Conflict: Rochelle goes along with George’s wishes to keep Jaki and Ajax apart.

Subtext: Rochelle and George are jealous of a burgeoning relationship between their parents.

Hope/Fear: We fear a Jaki and Ajax relationship is doomed. We hope we’re wrong.

INT: ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: Ajax searches for Jaki’s address and discovers records of Rochelle’s pathetic finances and his Rolex. He leaves the Rolex where it is.

Essence: Ajax cares for Jaki.

Conflict: Does Ajax now think that Rochelle stole the watch?

Subtext: Ajax can take care of himself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax and Jaki will get together. We fear discovery of the watch might keep them apart.

EXT: ASSISTED LIVING HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Ajax wheels across the street, toward a bus.

Essence: Ajax is self-sufficient despite his handicap.

Conflict:

Subtext: Ajax cares for Jaki

Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax is going to Jaki’s. We don’t know what will happen when he gets there.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Jaki and Ajax have a long talk their feelings, kids, finances, etc.. He stays the night.

Essence: Jaki truly cares for Ajax.

Conflict: How will getting together as a couple affect their kids?

Subtext: Jaki finally admits to being vulnerable.

Hope/Fear: We hope they will stay together. We fear their kids will interfere and keep them apart.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: George comes to see Ajax, but where is he? Why isn’t Rochelle at work yet?

Essence: George is overprotective.

Conflict: Ajax is missing and no one knows where he is.

Subtext:

Hope/Fear: We still fear that George will break up Ajax and Jaki. We hope not.

INT. JAKI’S HOUSE – DAY

Scene Arc: Rochelle shows up, Lilly in tow, and announces she must move in. She’s been evicted. A monumental argument ensues between Jaki and Rochelle, which Ajax manages to end.

Essence: Ajax is a capable person.

Conflict: Jaki and Rochelle have the mother of all arguments.

Subtext: Rochelle and Jaki need each other, whether they like it or not.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Rochelle can come to terms. We fear they cannot.

LATER

Scene Arc: George shows up with police, insisting that Jaki kidnapped Ajax.

Essence: George is over protective and bull-headed.

Conflict: George insists that Ajax leave Jaki. Ajax responds by proposing.

Subtext: Ajax depends on George for some of his finances.

Hope/Fear: We fear that George will break up Jaki and Ajax. We hope that he won’t.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki not only continues giving dance lessons, she now works fulltime at the home.

Essence: Jaki has agreed to help Ajax with his finances.

Conflict: George still believes that Jaki stole the Rolex.

Subtext: Jaki is good-hearted and in love.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Ajax will have a happy ending. We fear George will interfere.

INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: While Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s finances, Lilly takes the Rolex from the desk drawer and proclaims, “Mine!”

Essence: It’s finally figured out that Lilly took the watch and hid it.

Conflict: George will refuse to believe this.

Subtext: George still wants to break up Jaki and Ajax.

Hope/Fear: We hope George will lighten up. We fear that he won’t.

INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki tells George that Ajax no longer needs his financial help. Jaki will supplement Ajax’s income.

Essence: Jaki is in love.

Conflict: George is reluctant to accept that Jaki’s feelings are genuine.

Subtext: Jaki can be tolerant of intolerant people, like George.

Hope/Fear: We continue to hope that George can accept Jaki. We continue to fear that he can’t.

INT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding. Rochelle is matron of honor, Lilly flower girl and George shows up at the last minute to act as best man.

Essence: True love pays off.

Conflict:

Subtext: True love pays off.

Hope/Fear: We fear George will screw up the wedding. We discover that he won’t.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Intriguing Moments

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: I thought it would be difficult to discover any intrigue, etc. into a dramedy, only to discover that I had some of these techniques woven into the plot all along. And in delving further into my outline, I can see where I have room to move more techniques into the plot.

Act One:

Intrigue: Why does Jaki so easily switch her bland clown act into a raunchy, almost strip dance?

Intrigue: Were Ajax and Jaki acquainted in the past?

Intrigue: What is the relationship between Jaki and Rochelle?

Intrigue: Why is Rochelle’s toddler daughter at her place of work and not in daycare?

Act Two:

Scheme: Jaki searches Ajax’s room at the assisted living home, hoping to learn more about his financial situation.

Superior Position: The audience will know that toddler Lilly took Ajax’s watch and hid it in Rochelle’s desk.

Covert Agenda: Rochelle lies to Jaki about having to quit giving dance lessons to the ladies in assisted living because she needs someone to babysit Lilly.

Scheme: As a means to continue giving her dance lessons Jaki calls a local TV station to publicize the popularity of her classes among the assisted living ladies.

Covert Agenda: Rochelle lies to Ajax, warns him that her mother may have been the person who stole his watch.

Conspiracy: Ajax’s son forbids Ajax to go on a date with Jaki.

Act Three:

Superior Position: Ajax snoops in Rochelle’s office and learns she’s deep in debt.

Secret: Ajax finds his watch in Rochelle’s desk be decides to not say a word about it.

Intrigue: Why does Ajax leave the assisted living home?

Superior Position: The audience will know that Ajax was in an accident that left him unconscious and was taken to the hospital.

Act 4:

Cover up: When Ajax shows up at Jaki’s house, he asks her to not tell his son where he is.

Superior Position: Rochelle overhears Ajax’s request to keep his location a secret, but she phones Ajax’s son to tell him where Ajax is.

Covert Agenda: Rochelle is afraid that if Jaki establishes a relationship with Ajax, she will be left without Jaki’s assistance.

Covert Agenda: Ajax’s son is convinced that Jaki is out for Ajax’s money.

Superior Position: Jaki already knows that Ajax only has his SS money to live on, that his son pays for assisted living.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Emotional Moments

Vision: I have the courage, commitment and talent to write contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: That I have emotional moments written into my outline, but all of them can and will be elevated and transformed to top entertainment moments.

Act 1

Surprise: Jaki, hired to do a wimpy clown act at an assisted living home, turns the clown act into a sexy dance, much to the delight of residents and horror of the home’s supervisor.

Surprise: The assisted living home’s supervisor is Jaki’s daughter, Rochelle.

Distress: Rochelle receives a phone call from her landlord – she needs to pay back rent or will soon be evicted.

Hidden Weakness: Rochelle goes into a state of denial about the back rent and compulsively makes some online purchases.

Bonding: Jaki and new assisted living home resident, Ajax, have lunch and discover that they have mutual problems getting along with their kids.

ACT 2

Wounds: Jaki and Rochelle have an altogether too public argument over how embarrassed Rochelle has always been because her mother made her living as a stripper.

Betrayal: While Ajax is out of his room, Jaki searches it, trying to find evidence that Ajax is the cash cow she needs to make her future secure.

Surprise: Unknown to Jaki, her toddler granddaughter Lilly stuffs Ajax’s Rolex into her overalls and toddles off.

Betrayal: Needing a fulltime babysitter, Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her that she can’t continue to give dance lessons to residents. This frees Jaki up to become her granddaughter’s babysitter.

Surprise: Jaki continues giving assisted living residents lessons by standing outside a window, and a local TV show does a story about her.

Wounds: Rochelle is embarrassed and humiliated when her mother talks about her career as a stripper on the local TV station.

Surprise: Rochelle’s assisted living home is inundated with folks wanting to move in, thanks to Jaki’s dance lessons.

Betrayal: When Ajax confronts Rochelle about his missing watch, she tells him in front of his son that she’s sure her mother took it.

Emotional Dilemma: Ajax doesn’t believe Rochelle, but his son pulls a power play and insists that Ajax break a future date with Jaki.

ACT 3

Love: After Ajax breaks his date with her, Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, in the hopes of finding another cash cow, only to realize how much she genuinely cares for Ajax.

Surprise: Rochelle and Lilly show up at Jaki’s house needing to move in – Rochelle has been evicted.

Moral Issue: Ajax, determined to see Jaki again, rifles Rochelle’s office in search of Jaki’s address. He learns of Rochelle’s pitiful financial problems and discovers his watch in Rochelle’s desk (where Lilly stashed it).

Surprise: Ajax is on his way to Jaki’s but is struck by a hit and run driver. He’s knocked unconscious and has no ID on him.

ACT 4

Bonding: Jaki locates Ajax at a hospital. He’s now fine but doesn’t want his son to know about the incident. Jaki sneaks him out of the hospital and to her home.

Wounds: Rochelle is livid when Jaki brings Ajax home. A major argument ensues between them and all differences are aired, but –

Surprise: Frightened by her mother and grandmother’s fight, Lilly sneaks from the house.

Sacrifice: Ajax can’t calm the women down to tell them that Lilly has disappeared. He takes it upon himself to go outside to find her – no easy feat since he’s in a wheelchair.

Bonding: When Jaki and Rochelle discover Ajax with Lilly they realize that they need a mediator to settle their differences. Ajax gladly volunteers.

Surprise: Ajax proposes to Jaki.

Surprise: Still at odds with his son, Ajax is about to disown him, but Jaki won’t let him – our kids might be jerks, but they’re our jerks.

Love: Jaki and Ajax get married. Rochelle is matron of honor and Ajax’s still unnamed son is best man.

Surprise: The assisted living home ladies do a surprise dance at the wedding, based on the moves Jaki taught them.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Reveals

Vision: I have the courage, commitment and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: When I follow this formula I’m much better at setups and reveals than I ever thought I’d be. Still, I feel that I’m missing some reveals, but I’m going to trust that they’ll show themselves to me at a later time.

1. What Do I reveal? Rochelle is Jaki’s daughter.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 1

What setups need to be in place for this reveal to happen? A phone call between Rochelle and Jaki.

Where do these setups belong? Before the inciting incident.

2. What do I reveal? That Rochelle is broke and needs to move in with Jaki.

When will the reveal show up? Act 3

What setups are needed and where do they belong? Rochelle gets a phone call from her landlord about owing back rent. (Act 1)

Rochelle asks Jaki for money, overheard by Ajax (Act 2)

Rochelle lies to Jaki, that the home’s owners don’t want her to give dance lessons anymore, as a way to get free babysitting. (Act 2)

Ajax snoops Rochelle’s computer, sees her credit card debt. (Act 3)

3. What do I reveal? Lilly stole the watch, which we will find out in Act 4.

When will the reveal show up? Act 2 – it is known that Lilly stole the watch, but the reveal will be that Lilly was the thief.

What setups are needed and where will they belong? Ajax finds the watch, but leaves it where it is. He thinks Rochelle took it. (Act 2)

Ajax at one point will ask Rochelle if she planned to pawn the watch? Maybe.

4. What do I reveal? That Ajax isn’t rich. His only income is his Social Security check.’

When will the reveal show up? Act 1, but Jaki doesn’t believe him.

What setups need to be in place and where do they belong? Jaki searches his room and finds expensive jewelry, the Rolex.

Ajax’s family will tell Jaki the same thing, that he’s broke and they pay for the expensive assisted living home. (Act 4)

This time Jaki accepts the reveal. She’s in love. She doesn’t care about the money.

ACT 1: JAKI BURAN, Lilly in tow, wanders into a strip bar to talk with the manager. No, no jobs open.

Lilly takes a luxury food item from her overalls. Jaki feigns surprise, says Lilly must’ve taken it at the grocery store. Manager doesn’t believe her.

She tends Lilly while attempting online transcriptions – gotta make the mortgage payment.

Phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?

In the assisted living home’s common room, Jaki, in clown costume smiles, hugs residents – happy to see them but not happy to do them.

AJAX COLEMAN arrives in a wheel chair, blanket covering his lap. He switches on a hidden boom box, gives himself welcoming music.

Jaki starts her “welcome to the home” clown act by dancing to the music.

Ajax switches the music to something with a sultry beat.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown act and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror and Ajax’s family’s horror.

Just as Jaki starts to unbutton her costume, Rochelle blurts, “Mom!”

Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –

Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.

Back in her office, Rochelle gets a phone call from her landlord about owing back rent. She deals with this by compulsively buying something or other off of her computer.

Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents petition for the lessons.

Jaki continues to watch Lilly, but starts teaching dance classes, Lilly in tow. Ajax never fails to watch, and Jaki eyes Ajax.

Rochelle feigns disgust, embarrassed, as she was as a child because Mom made her living stripping.

Jaki visits Ajax in his room, turns on her sparkle. He sees through her, tells her to cut the act and be herself.

Jaki invites Ajax to a lunch outside the home. Awkward conversation about kids and trying to get along with them. They have this in common.

Jaki brings Ajax back, wheels him into his room, takes a look at a jewelry box with expensive watches, rings, which –

Ajax notices and informs Jaki that he’s really broke, just has his Social Security money.

ACT TWO: Jaki sees Ajax as the cash cow of her dreams.

Rochelle rushes in, carrying Lilly. Can Jaki watch her? The home’s owners are coming and the kid can’t be there.

Ajax invites them both to stay. Jaki is ready to say yes, but Rochelle insists they leave. Why?

In the hallway, Rochelle asks Jaki for money. Brief, hissy argument. Jaki comes through. Neither know that Ajax watches this from his room.

Dance lessons. Jaki genuinely enjoys teaches the assisted home ladies some raunchy moves. She’s having a blast – and watching Lilly at the same time.

Ajax and other men delight in watching, but Lilly wanders off Jaki stops class to find her.

Lilly found in the hallway, but –

Jaki steers Lilly into Ajax’s apartment, which she searches, which she rifles.

Lilly grabs a Rolex and sticks it down her overalls.

Rochelle discovers Jaki in the room. Jaki insists she was only tracking down Lilly. Rochelle doesn’t fall for it. Lilly runs off, to Rochelle’s office.

Lilly puts the watch into Rochelle’s desk.

Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.

Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her the boss has banned dance lessons anymore.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.

Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.

Ajax asks Jaki on a date, to celebrate.

Ajax can’t find his Rolex, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this and his family – she betrayed her mother.

Ajax still plans to go on the date, but his family shows up and all but holds him hostage.

MIDPOINT/Act 3: Rochelle phones Jaki, the date is off. Jaki realizes how much she genuinely cares for him.

Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house, confronts Jaki about the Rolex, then not believing Jaki’s denial, bans her from the home.

Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.

Rochelle and Lilly show up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records and his Rolex.

He leaves the Rolex.

Ajax on his way to Jaki’s, car nicks his wheelchair, he gets toppled out.

Cops take him to the hospital.

Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.

ACT 4: Ajax is fine, checks himself out of the hospital, just has his kids are rushing in, trying to locate him.

Ajax Uber’s to Jaki’s house, at the front door he hears –

A major argument between Jaki and Rochelle, overheard by Ajax.

Lilly runs outside, crying, and jumps into Ajax’s lap.

Jaki and Rochelle realize Lilly is missing – outside – see Ajax with Lilly. Ajax tells them that they obviously need a mediator.

Jaki and Rochelle help Ajax into Jaki’s home.

Ajax’s family at the home. Where is Dad?

His phone is in his room.

Jaki’s house – Ajax has a talk with Rochelle about her spending habits, and –

The police show up, say they are investigating a kidnapping.

Ajax tells the cops that he’s fine, that he just came to Jaki’s to propose to her.

Much to her own surprise, Jaki accepts.

Ajax’s family confront Jaki, inform her that they have all the money and as Ajax told her before, he only has his SS check. But Jaki is in love and doesn’t care.

Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.

Jaki returns to giving dance lessons, realizes how much she enjoys the old folks and applies for a job as a caregiver. She might’ve landed her dream rich guy, but she loves him, not his money

RESOLUTION: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding, at the home. Rochelle is matron of honor. Lilly produces the watch from Rochelle’s desk and everybody realizes that she took it in the first place.

Old ladies do their own little “raunchy” dance to honor the newlyweds.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Action Tracks

What I learned: Attaching actions that fit my character’s traits makes it easier for me to know them all the better. They are falling in line with their true personalities.

Pat Fitzgerald’s New Outline Beats.

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Examining the plot forwards, backwards and inside out showed me that I wasn’t challenging my lead character enough. Her journey was far too easy and needed more roadblocks. It’s still not where it ought to be, but that’s why it’s a good idea to let go of perfections. It is moving forward in its own imperfect way.

ACT 1: JAKI BURAN, Lilly in tow, wanders into a strip bar to talk with the manager. No, no jobs open.

Lilly takes a luxury food item from her overalls. Jaki feigns surprise, says Lilly must’ve taken it at the grocery store. Manager doesn’t believe her.

She tends Lilly while attempting online transcriptions – gotta make the mortgage payment.

Phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?

In the assisted living home’s common room, Jaki, in clown costume smiles, hugs residents – happy to see them but not happy to do them.

AJAX COLEMAN arrives in a wheel chair, blanket covering his lap. He switches on a hidden boom box, gives himself welcoming music.

Jaki starts her “welcome to the home” clown act by dancing to the music.

Ajax switches the music to something with a sultry beat.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown act and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror and Ajax’s family’s horror.

Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –

Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.

Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents petition for the lessons.

Jaki continues to watch Lilly, but starts teaching dance classes, Lilly in tow.

Ajax never fails to watch, and Jaki eyes Ajax.

Rochelle feigns disgust, embarrassed, as she was as a child because Mom made her living stripping.

Jaki visits Ajax in his room, turns on her sparkle. He sees through her, tells her to cut the act and be herself.

Jaki invites Ajax to a lunch outside the home. Awkward conversation about kids and trying to get along with them. They have this in common.

Jaki brings Ajax back, wheels him into his room, takes a look at a jewelry box with expensive watches, rings.

ACT TWO: Jaki sees Ajax as the cash cow of her dreams.

Rochelle rushes in, carrying Lilly. Can Jaki watch her? The home’s owners are coming and the kid can’t be there.

Ajax invites them both to stay. Jaki is ready to say yes, but Rochelle insists they leave. Why?

In the hallway, Rochelle asks Jaki for money. Brief, hissy argument. Jaki comes through. Neither know that Ajax watches this from his room.

Dance lessons. Jaki genuinely enjoys teaches the assisted home ladies some raunchy moves. She’s having a blast – and watching Lilly at the same time.

Ajax and other men delight in watching, but Lilly wanders off Jaki stops class to find her.

Lilly found in the hallway, but –

Jaki steers Lilly into Ajax’s apartment, which she searches, which she rifles.

Lilly grabs a Rolex and sticks it down her overalls.

Rochelle discovers Jaki in the room. Jaki insists she was only tracking down Lilly. Rochelle doesn’t fall for it. Lilly runs off, to Rochelle’s office.

Lilly puts the watch into Rochelle’s desk.

Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.

Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her the boss has banned dance lessons anymore.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.

Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.

Ajax asks Jaki on a date, to celebrate.

Ajax can’t find his Rolex, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this and his family – she betrayed her mother.

Ajax still plans to go on the date, but his family shows up and all but holds him hostage.

MIDPOINT/Act 3: Rochelle phones Jaki, the date is off. Jaki realizes how much she genuinely cares for him.

Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house, confronts Jaki about the Rolex, then not believing Jaki’s denial, bans her from the home.

Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.

Rochelle and Lilly show up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records and his Rolex.

He leaves the Rolex.

Ajax on his way to Jaki’s – almost in a traffic accident, but leaps out of the wheelchair.

Cops insist he must go to the hospital.

Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.

ACT 4: Ajax is fine, checks himself out of the hospital, just has his kids are rushing in, trying to locate him.

Ajax Uber’s to Jaki’s house, at the front door he hears –

A major argument between Jaki and Rochelle.

Lilly runs outside, crying, and-

Ajax gets out of his wheel chair to chase her.

Ajax returns with Lilly, just as Jaki and Rochelle rush out the door to find Lilly. They realize he doesn’t need the wheelchair.

Ajax’s family at the home. Where is Dad?

His phone is in his room.

Jaki’s house – Ajax has a talk with Rochelle about her spending habits, and –

The police show up, say they are investigating a kidnapping.

Ajax tells the cops that he’s fine, that he just came to Jaki’s to propose to her.

Much to her own surprise, Jaki accepts.

Ajax is about to disown and disinherit his family, but Jaki says not to. They might be assholes, but family is family. They’ll figure it out. Meanwhile –

Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.

Jaki returns to giving dance lessons, realizes how much she enjoys the old folks and applies for a job as a caregiver. She might’ve landed her dream rich guy, but she loves him, not his money

RESOLUTION: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding, at the home. Rochelle is matron of honor. Lilly produces the watch from Rochelle’s desk and everybody realizes that she took it in the first place.

Old ladies do their own little “raunchy” dance to honor the newlyweds.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s New Outline Beats.

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Examining the plot forwards, backwards and inside out showed me that I wasn’t challenging my lead character enough. Her journey was far too easy and needed more roadblocks. It’s still not where it ought to be, but that’s why it’s a good idea to let go of perfections. It is moving forward in its own imperfect way.

ACT 1: JAKI BURAN tends her toddler granddaughter, LILLY, while attempting online transcriptions.

Jaki gets a phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?

In the home’s common room, Jaki does a half-assed clown act when new resident, AJAX COLEMAN, is all but dragged in by his children.

Ajax “escapes.” Returns moments later with an old boom box and blasts an upbeat tune, his eyes on Jaki.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown acts and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror.

Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –

Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.

Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents love it, and Jaki’s all eyes for Ajax.

Jaki starts teaching dance classes. Ajax never fails to watch.

Ajax asks Jaki for a date, for dinner at the home. – she sees him as a cash cow, and she accepts. They have a nice time, but –

ACT 2: Jaki sees Ajax as a cash cow.

While Ajax is busy elsewhere, Jaki searches his room, finds expensive jewelry, cash.

Lilly toddles into the room, removes and envelope of cash, drops it where it can’t be found.

Rochelle finds Jaki and Lilly in Ajax’s room. Jaki tries to lie, says she was just looking for Lilly.

Jaki continues giving dance lessons to the residents – and flirting with Ajax.

Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.

Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her she can’t give dance lessons anymore – needs Jaki to watch her daughter.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.

Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.

Jaki and Ajax are about to celebrate, but Ajax can’t find the cash he had stowed, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this.

MIDPOINT/Act 3: Ajax cancels his date with Jaki, and she realizes how much she genuinely cares for him, but Rochelle bans her from the home.

Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.

Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.

Ajax finds his missing money.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records.

Ajax on his way to Jaki’s – he has a stroke, taken to the hospital with no ID on him.

Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.

Jaki visits hospitals until she finds Ajax. She’s about to call the home when –

Ajax’s family bursts in, accuses Jaki of causing the stroke.

ACT 4: Ajax released from hospital, refuses to return to the home, insists he’s going home with Jaki.

Ajax’s family threaten the assisted living home, Rochelle and especially Jaki – she has kidnapped Ajax.

Ajax’s family threaten to go to court and have him declared incompetent, meanwhile –

Jaki and Rochelle have an all out argument that manages to straighten out all their differences.

Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.

Jaki learns that she is a good caregiver, has the idea to apply for a job at the assisted living home while she continues her education to get a caregiver certification.

Jaki stands up to Ajax’s family – declare him incompetent. Take his money. I will care for him.

Jaki won’t let Ajax disown his family – they might be assholes, but they’re his assholes. Family is family.

RESOLUTION: Ajax proposes to Jaki. Rochelle is matron of honor at the wedding.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: To just let my mind flow, not worry about perfection and give myself permission to realize I can make changes in future lessons. And to keep in mind that I’m writing a comedy.

ACT 1: Rochelle AJ: Rochelle leaves a potential purchase open on her computer to greet a new resident to the assisted living home that she supervises.

Deeper Layer: Rochelle is OCD about online buying.

Jaki PJ: While tending to a toddler grandchild, Jaki gets a phone call from Rochelle – get your butt to the home, to do the clown welcome act.

Deeper Layer: Jaki and Rochelle, mother and daughter, have a tumultuous relationship.

Jaki: Arrives at the home, put on the clown suit and proceeds to do a silly welcoming clown act.

INCITING INCIDENT: Ajax (triangle character), new resident, remembers Jaki from her past life and blasts some upbeat music.

Jaki turns the clown act into a raunchy dance, much to the delight of Ajax, other residents and Rochelle’s embarrassment.

Jaki pays special attention to Ajax – she’s supposed to. He’s the new resident.

DEEPER LAYER: Jaki sees Ajax as a potential cash cow.

Jaki takes her clown/dance act to other assisted living home, to the shock, or sometimes delight of residents, their relatives and caregivers..

Jaki starts teaching dance classes at Rochelle’s assisted living home and visits Ajax regularly.

DEEPER LAYER: Jaki is out for Ajax’s money, so she thinks

Jaki’s newfound actions cause ROCHELLE to lose her free babysitter. She tries to turn to daycare, but she’s broke.

DEEPER LAYER: Conflict between Jaki and Rochelle.

Rochelle contacts Ajax’s family over her concerns that Jaki is out to bilk him for his money.

DEEPER LAYER: Rochelle is embarrassed by Jaki’s past.

Ajax’s family confront JAKI to tell her that they have complete control of his finances. No need to keep seeing him.

TURNING POINT ONE: Jaki realizes she genuinely cares for Ajax.

Jaki sneaks a visit Ajax and is devastated when a dementia episode causes him to not recognize her.

DEEPER LAYER: Jaki doesn’t consider herself worthy of love.

Jaki continues to give residents dance lessons until Rochelle insists her boss says she has to quit.

DEEPER LAYER: Rochelle needs a babysitter.

Residents protest the lack of fun dance classes by calling a local TV station to air their grievance.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes her grandchild outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up, to interview Jaki about the dance lessons.

Residents pour outside to show their new learned moves, and Rochelle puts a stop to what she considers nonsense.

Ajax watches the entire scene, beaming at Jaki, which she notices.

DEEPER LAYER: Rochelle’s embarrassment over her mother’s actions.

Much to Rochelle’s surprise, there’s a record number of applications for her assisted living home.

Jaki, grandchild in two, sneaks into Ajax’s room through a window – she just wants to talk with him.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s financial records – it’s a mess.

TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Ajax’s family walks into his room, catches Jaki there and insists she’s trying to steal from him.

DEEPER LEVEL: Ajax’s family are superficial and only out for his money.

Ajax’s family insist to Rochelle that they will remove him from the home.

Later that night: Rochelle at her house, receives papers that she’s going to be evicted due to nonpayment of back rent.

Jaki sneaks into Ajax’s room at the assisted living home, realizes he has no memory of not recognizing her.

Jaki accepts Ajax as he is, dementia and all, sneaks him from assisted living, into her home.

Jaki and Ajax about to make love, when Rochelle with her daughter, in tears – she needs a place to stay.

Jaki tries to conceal Ajax’s presence, almost succeeds, but Ajax walks into the bathroom while Rochelle is taking a bath.

Next day, assisted living home: Knowing Ajax is at her mother’s house, Rochelle walks into pandemonium. Ajax is missing. His family is livid, threatening suing, pressing charges, whatever it takes to get their father home.

Rochelle calls Jaki, tells her that Ajax better be returned to the assisted living home.

DEEPER LAYER: Rochelle and Jaki need each other, whether or not they will admit it, even to themselves.

TURNING POINT 3: Ajax refuses to leave. Jaki takes his side. Rochelle is about to lose her job if she doesn’t turn her mother in as the “kidnapper.”

Rochelle at Jaki’s house – the two have the mother of all arguments. All differences are aired.

Ajax interrupts – he’ll return to the assisted living home, if Rochelle takes some budgeting tips from him. And if Jaki will accept his marriage proposal. Rochelle agrees. Jaki refuses.

DEEPER LAYER: Jaki doesn’t think she’s worthy of being loved.

Ajax phones his family, says he’s been kidnapped, but he likes where he is better than the assisted living home. He’s staying put – and he’s at Jaki’s house.

Ajax’s family call the police, to get Jaki arrested for kidnapping.

Jaki accepts Ajax’s proposal. She and Rochelle return him to the assisted living home just before Jaki would be arrested.

Ajax’s kids threaten to have him declared incompetent and will then have control over his money.

ACT 4: Jaki applies for a caregiver job at the assisted living home. She’ll support Ajax if necessary.

Ajax gives Rochelle a budget to follow, to get her out of debt.

Ajax is about to disown his family, but Jaki stops him. They might be assholes, but they’re his assholes and family is family.

RESOLUTION: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding. Rochelle is matron of honor. The assisted living gals who took dance lessons from Jaki perform their raunchy clown dance.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Deeper Layer

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Adding the deeper layer made my characters more real to me. I can see their subtext continuing to grow as I continue to build my outline.

Surface Layer: Jaki and her daughter Rochelle cannot get along, but they still have a need to depend on each other.

Deeper Layer: Jaki feels like a failure because her daughter has no respect for her. Rochelle feels like a failure because she hasn’t advanced in her career and still financially depends on her mother.

Major Reveal: Near the script’s end, possible Act 4, Jaki and Rochelle have an all-out argument and reveal their true doubts about themselves and true feelings toward one another.

Hints: Constant bickering, walking away from one another but always returning to needing each other’s help.

Changes Reality: Both finally find happiness when they accept each other as they are, instead of wishing the other could change.

Story Structure:

Beginning: Jaki tries to care for her toddler grandson while doing online transcriptions in order to make the monthly mortgage payment.

Inciting Incident: Jaki’s daughter, Rochelle – supervisor of an assisted living home – offers Jaki a job to doing a clown act at the home.

Turning Point 1: The clown act transformed into a raunchy dance, much to the delight of residents and the embarrassment of Rochelle. Jaki turns her attentions to new resident Ajax Coleman, sees him as a money pit.

Act 2: Just as Jaki realizes she genuinely cares for Ajax, Rochelle honors Ajax’s family’s request to ban Jaki from seeing him.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Jaki sneaks Ajax from the home, and witnesses him having a dementia episode. She accepts his mental status, in love for the first time in her life.

Turning Point 3: Intending to support Ajax if necessary, Jaki applies for a caregiving job at the assisted living home, but Rochelle turns her down.

Act 4: Jaki and Rochelle have a showdown in which they reveal their own weaknesses and true love for one another.

Resolution: Rochelle is Jaki’s matron of honor at her to Ajax.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Structure

Vision: I have the courage, confidence and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: The puzzle pieces have been reconfigured. My first pass at this assignment taught me that a buddy flick – two aging strippers trying to bilk assisted living geezers out of their money – would be to complicated to put together. I’d have to weave two main character plots, both interacting with an antagonist and also try to fit in a love story between one of the strippers with an assisted living resident. One stripper had to go. The story now makes so much more sense to me, will prove easier to plot out, and producers won’t have to fill two leading character roles. This was a real breakthrough. What I learned in the first pass still stands – DO NOT OVERTHINK.

Protagonist: Jaki Buran

Beginning: Jaki tries to care for her toddler grandson while doing online transcriptions in order to make the monthly mortgage payment.

Inciting Incident: Jaki’s daughter, Rochelle – supervisor of an assisted living home – offers Jaki a job to doing a clown act at the home.

Turning Point 1: Turns out the clown act, transformed into a raunchy dance is such a big hit, that Jaki starts teaching dance to assisted living residents and fakes interest in Ajax Stafford, planning to bilk him out of some money.

Act 2: Just as Jaki realizes she genuinely cares for Ajax, his family asks Rochelle to ban Jaki from seeing him, convinced she’s only interested in his money.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Jaki sneaks Ajax from the home, and witnesses him having a dementia episode. She accepts his mental status, in love for the first time in her live.

Turning Point 3: Intending to support Ajax if necessary, Jaki applies for a caregiving job at the assisted living home, but Ajax’s family see to it that she is turned down.

Act 4: Jaki and Rochelle have a showdown. Jaki loves her daughter, but Rochelle drives her crazy and undermines all of Jaki’s good intentions.

Resolution: Jaki accepts Ajax’s marriage proposal. They have a happy wedding.

Antagonist: Rochelle Buran

Beginning: Rochelle is OCD over online buying and is heaving in debt, despite her job as supervisor of an assisted living home.

Inciting Incident: Rochelle’s ex-husband is woefully behind in child support payments. She can no longer afford daycare and must grudgingly rely on her mother.

Turning Point 1: With Jaki spending more time at the assisted living home, Rochelle must keep her daughter at work, which angers the home’s owners.

Act 2: Rochelle sides with Ajax’s family and forbids Jaki from coming to the assisted living home, which she hopes will free Jaki up to do fulltime babysitting.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Rochelle loses her home due to making a bad investment and must move in with Jaki. She discovers Ajax living there and informs Ajax’s family.

Act 3: Rochelle supports Ajax’s family instead of standing up for Jaki.

Act 4: Rochelle finally accepts Jaki for who she is and all her faults, realizes Ajax still has lucid years left in him.

Resolution: Rochelle is Jaki’s matron of honor at Jaki’s wedding.

Triangle Character: Ajax Coleman.

Beginning: Ajax learns he is in the early stages of dementia.

Inciting Incident: Ajax’s family talk him into moving to an assisted living facility.

Turning Point 1: Ajax watches Jaki’s half-assed clown act, switches her music to something sexy, and, much to her daughter’s horror, transforms to a raunchy, seductive clown.

Act 2: Ajax contacts a lawyer to get his family off his back when he learns that they are making plans to ban Jaki from seeing him.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Snuck out of assisted living by Jaki, Ajax has a dementia episode. He doesn’t know where he is. His family plans to have him declared incompetent and Jaki arrested for kidnapping.

Act 3: Ajax family arrives at Jaki’s house, intending to take him back to assisted living. He calls the police, saying they are trespassers and contacts his lawyer.

Act 4: Ajax interrupts Jaki and Rochelle’s argument, hands Rochelle written plans to get her out of her financial woes.

Resolution: Ajax proposes to Jaki. They have a happy wedding, despite his family’s absence.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Supporting Characters

My vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Leaned: There is no reason for supporting characters unless they bring value and purpose to the plot.

Support 1:

Rochelle Buran

Role: Jaki Sue’s adult daughter

Main Purpose: Rochelle is an antagonist, in a volatile relationship with her mother, though they both grudgingly depend on each other for support and are each others’ only family.

Main Purpose: She antagonizes Jaki Sue into becoming a better person.

Value: To give Jaki Sue a reason to prove her worth to her daughter and to herself.

Support 2:

Douglas Rodis

Role: Judee Rodis’ adult son

Main Purpose: He loves Judee unconditionally.

Value: He sets an example to Judee by working his way through college and being a single father to his son.

Support 3

Hank

Role: Jaki Sue’s burgeoning love interest

Main Purpose: He is attracted to Jaki Sue and wants her to understand that he has no hidden agenda – he just likes her.

Value: Jaki Sue finally realizes all she’s ever wanted is to be loved.

Support 4

Abby

Role: Assisted living resident

Main Purpose: Abby strikes up a friendship with Judee and convinces Judee to give dance lessons to assisted living residents.

Value: She is the impetus for Judee to realize that she’d make a great assisted living caregiver.

Background Characters:

Jaki Sue’s grandson and Judee’s granddaughter. Assited living home residents, their adult children and caregivers.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Profiles Part 2

My vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: Working slowly, taking one step at a time by uncovering the layers of my characters, is a great way to make them come to life in a three-dimensional manner.

Protagonists for my buddy script: The Home Strip.

Jaki Sue Buran:

Her High Concept Logline: She’s a stubborn woman who believes that wealth will solve all her problems, but she’s scared to look deep into her own heart to admit she’s lonely and longs for love.

Character’s Journey: Jaki Sue goes from living surrounded by a hard shell of non-feeling to someone who can accept the love she’s needed for most of her life.

Actor Attractors: : Jaki Sue puts her family first, despite being almost constantly at odds with her daughter. Her emotions run never run middle-ground. When she’s angry, she’s ice cold. When she’s happy, she glows. She’s isn’t afraid to concoct radical schemes to get what she wants – strip acts at assisted living homes.

Character Subtext: She refuses to admit to herself that love is more important to her than money.

Character Intrigue: She’s unable to see her own self-worth, looks down at herself for making her living as a stripper.

Flaw: She’s blunt and often speaks before she thinks about what she should say, especially to her daughter.

Values: Her daughter and granddaughter, her friendship with Judee, even though Judee can driver her crazy.

From Lesson 6:

Role in the story: Protagonist. She’s the instigator, the one who does her best to lead others in the right directions, but has a hard time realizing what direction she should take her own life

Age range and description: 50ish. She’s attractive and sexy, with some extra padding. Has done a good job of keeping up and caring for her appearance, though she’s angry that her most physically glamorous days are behind her.

Core Traits: Blunt, worried, vulnerable, sweet.

Want/Need: Jaki Sue want financial security. She needs to learn to accept love.

Wound: Her past experiences with men make it next to impossible to trust a man again.

Likability: She cares for her toddler grandson when he has a cold and can’t go to daycare while trying to complete online transcriptions, so she can pay her bills.

Relatability: She does her best for her family.

Empathy: Put in a difficult position just to make day-to-day expenses.

Likability: Jaki Sue aids the newfound love of her life leave the assisted living home that he intensely dislikes.

Relatability: She wants to help the man she loves live his last days in a happy situation.

Empathy: Making sacrifices for loved ones is something most people would be willing to do.

Judee Sidor:

Her high concept logline: Judee is a fun-loving woman with a touch of larceny who, at nearing the passing point of middle age, is beginning to realize she needs a legit job or be destitute in her senior years.

Journey: Judee goes from always out to have a good time to realizing she enjoys caring for folks in assisted living homes and going to a tech school for a caregiver certificate.

Actor Attractors: Judee is a performer, whether she’s pole dancing on a flag pole or making senior citizens laugh. She’s a clever woman who’d been conditioned to thinking her cleverness is limited to larceny. Once she realizes she’s intelligent and can think for herself, she steamrolls into a new, caregiving life.

Subtext: Judee has been conditioned to believe that she’s not the brightest bulb who became a school dropout who chose to make her living as a stripper.

Character Intrigue: She served time in prison for robbery when her son was a toddler and continues to live in fear that he will find out.

Flaw: She has low self-esteem and believes she deserves to be stuck in a low income lifestyle.

Values: Her son and grandson, her bff, Jaki Sue

Character Dilemma: Can she believe in herself enough to have the confidence to return to school.

From Lesson 6:

Judee Rodis is an outwardly silly woman, slightly larcenous, who finally finds her life’s true worth when she realizes how much she enjoys caring for assisted living residents.

Journey: Judee goes from someone who believes she’s always destined to be the silly person, dependent on others to a woman who understands that she is intelligent and can be a dedicated caregiver.

Actor Attractors: Judee is a performer, whether she’s pole dancing on a flag pole or making senior citizens laugh. She’s a clever woman who’d been conditioned to thinking her cleverness is limited to larceny. Once she realizes she’s intelligent and can think for herself, she steamrolls into a new, caregiving life.

Role in story: Protagonist, Jaki Sue’s bff. A former stripper, dependent on Jaki Sue for a place to live, but is a clever, out-of-the box thinker, who schemes and scams until finally realizing she has talents that have nothing to do with larceny.

Age Range and Description: Tries to pass for well-put-together 40s, but closer to 60 than she’ll ever admit. Is attractive but wears too much make-up, trying to cover up the wrinkles that she can’t afford to Botox.

Core traits: Silly, fun-loving, larcenous, inferiority complex

Want/Need: Judee wants someone to take care of her. She needs to learn a legit way to take care of herself.

Wound: She never wants her son to find out that she did time in prison when her boy was a toddler.

Likeability: She picks someone’s pocket then gives the money to a handicapped panhandler, who has his pet dog on a leash.

Relatability: She does her best to help others.

Empathy: It’s difficult seeing someone less fortunate go without.

Likability: She starts to pilfer money from an assisted living resident’s apartment, but promptly returns it.

Relatability: Judee does her best to be honest.

Empathy: It’s tempting to do the wrong thing to get money when someone is broke, but the better person will remain honest.

Rochelle Barun is an overworked and underpaid single mother, who tries to micro manage everyone she loves and finds herself tripping over her own intentions.

The character’s journey: Rochelle goes from manically overworked and irritated to finding a way to calm down so she can enjoy her life and accept her own self-worth.

Actor Attractors: Rochelle is an every-woman, someone young women can identify with, especially when she’s at odds with her mother. When she relaxes she’s funny and appealing, and she learns to accept her mother’s flaws, that they actually have a lot in common.

Role in Story: Triangle. Rochelle is the one driven crazy by her mom’s (Jaki Sue) unconventional behavior but is more dependent on Mom than she will ever admit.

Age range and description: Late 20’s. Never has time to apply make-up or style her hair, but she has an inner beauty and loves her job more than she will admit, especially cares for the residents of the assisted living home that she supervises.

Core traits: Frenzied, caring, argumentative, accepting

Want/Need: Rochelle wants her mom to stop causing her problems. She needs to calm down and just live her own life.

Wound: Brought up by a mother who was rarely home because Mom was either working or out partying.

Likability: Rochelle is shocked when her mom and Judee turn their clown act into a raunchy dance, but doesn’t stop them when she realizes the residents enjoy it far more than any other entertainment brought their way.

Relatability: Rochelle loves her mother even though she has a somewhat hard time with her unconventional ways.

Empathy: Everyone sometimes gets embarrassed by their parents.

Likability: When Rochelle catches Judee about to steal money from a resident she threatens to call the police, but gives Judee one chance to change her ways.

Relatability: It’s difficult to punish someone who shows genuine remorse.

Empathy: Rochelle’s been put in compromising positions too and knows the relief of giving someone a break.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have them optioned and produced.

What I Learned: To listen to the character rather than force my own opinions on them, and this makes me feel as if they are becoming more and more real to me. Had I tried to figure out every aspect of their personalities at one time, my thinking would’ve been forced. Doing this slowly, and not worrying about perfection, is a much more efficient way to bring them to life.

Jaki Sue Barun is broke and frightened of a destitute old age, but she is determined to find someone who will care for her enough to secure her financial future.

Journey: From thinking the only that can make her happy is money to realizing she’s starved for love and willing to be vulnerable enough to accept love.

Actor Attractors: Jaki will be seen as a mature woman whose deepest dreams come true, even when she’s thinks it’s beyond hope. She puts her family first, despite being at almost constantly at odds with her daughter. Her emotions run never run middle-ground. When she’s angry, she’s ice cold mad. When she’s happy, she glows.

Role in the story: Protagonist. She’s the instigator, the one who does her best to lead others in the right directions, but has a hard time realizing what direction she should take her own life

Age range and description: 50ish. She’s attractive and sexy, with some extra padding. Has done a good job of keeping up and caring for her appearance, though she’s angry that her most physically glamorous days are behind her.

Core Traits: Blunt, worried, vulnerable, sweet.

Want/Need: Jaki Sue want financial security. She needs to learn to accept love.

Wound: Her past experiences with men make it next to impossible to trust a man again.

Likability: She cares for her toddler grandson when he has a cold and can’t go to daycare while trying to complete online transcriptions, so she can pay her bills.

Relatability: She does her best for her family.

Empathy: Put in a difficult position just to make day-to-day expenses.

Likability: Jaki Sue aids the newfound love of her life leave the assisted living home that he intensely dislikes.

Relatability: She wants to help the man she loves live his last days in a happy situation.

Empathy: Making sacrifices for loved ones is something most people would be willing to do.

Protagonist: Jaki Sue Barun

Likability: She cares for her toddler grandson when he has a cold and can’t go to daycare while trying to complete online transcriptions, so she can pay her bills.

Relatability: She does her best for her family.

Empathy: Put in a difficult position just to make day-to-day expenses.

Likability: Jaki Sue aids the newfound love of her life leave the assisted living home that he intensely dislikes.

Relatability: She wants to help the man she loves live his last days in a happy situation.

Empathy: Making sacrifices for loved ones is something most people would be willing to do.

Judee Rodis is an outwardly silly woman, slightly larcenous, who finally finds her life’s true worth when she realizes how much she enjoys caring for assisted living residents.

Journey: Judee goes from someone who believes she’s always destined to be the silly person, dependent on others to a woman who understands that she is intelligent and can be a dedicated caregiver.

Actor Attractors: Judee is a performer, whether she’s pole dancing on a flag pole or making senior citizens laugh. She’s a clever woman who’d been conditioned to thinking her cleverness is limited to larceny. Once she realizes she’s intelligent and can think for herself, she steamrolls into a new, caregiving life.

Role in story: Protagonist, Jaki Sue’s bff. A former stripper, dependent on Jaki Sue for a place to live, but is a clever, out-of-the box thinker, who schemes and scams until finally realizing she has talents that have nothing to do with larceny.

Age Range and Description: Tries to pass for well-put-together 40s, but closer to 60 than she’ll ever admit. Is attractive but wears too much make-up, trying to cover up the wrinkles that she can’t afford to Botox.

Core traits: Silly, fun-loving, larcenous, inferiority complex

Want/Need: Judee wants someone to take care of her. She needs to learn a legit way to take care of herself.

Wound: She never wants her son to find out that she did time in prison when her boy was a toddler.

Likeability: She picks someone’s pocket then gives the money to a handicapped panhandler, who has his pet dog on a leash.

Relatability: She does her best to help others.

Empathy: It’s difficult seeing someone less fortunate go without.

Likability: She starts to pilfer money from an assisted living resident’s apartment, but promptly returns it.

Relatability: Judee does her best to be honest.

Empathy: It’s tempting to do the wrong thing to get money when someone is broke, but the better person will remain honest.

Rochelle Barun is an overworked and underpaid single mother, who tries to micro manage everyone she loves and finds herself tripping over her own intentions.

The character’s journey: Rochelle goes from manically overworked and irritated to finding a way to calm down so she can enjoy her life and accept her own self-worth.

Actor Attractors: Rochelle is an every-woman, someone young women can identify with, especially when she’s at odds with her mother. When she relaxes she’s funny and appealing, and she learns to accept her mother’s flaws, that they actually have a lot in common.

Role in Story: Triangle. Rochelle is the one driven crazy by her mom’s (Jaki Sue) unconventional behavior but is more dependent on Mom than she will ever admit.

Age range and description: Late 20’s. Never has time to apply make-up or style her hair, but she has an inner beauty and loves her job more than she will admit, especially cares for the residents of the assisted living home that she supervises.

Core traits: Frenzied, caring, argumentative, accepting

Want/Need: Rochelle wants her mom to stop causing her problems. She needs to calm down and just live her own life.

Wound: Brought up by a mother who was rarely home because Mom was either working or out partying.

Likability: Rochelle is shocked when her mom and Judee turn their clown act into a raunchy dance, but doesn’t stop them when she realizes the residents enjoy it far more than any other entertainment brought their way.

Relatability: Rochelle loves her mother even though she has a somewhat hard time with her unconventional ways.

Empathy: Everyone sometimes gets embarrassed by their parents.

Likability: When Rochelle catches Judee about to steal money from a resident she threatens to call the police, but gives Judee one chance to change her ways.

Relatability: It’s difficult to punish someone who shows genuine remorse.

Empathy: Rochelle’s been put in compromising positions too and knows the relief of giving someone a break.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Likeability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays, and I will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: My characters must be three dimensional, not caricatures. Even though I’ve been concentrating on my two characters in a buddy film, I need to have an antagonist and/or antagonistic situations to give them all the more depth. And I’m learning so much about my characters!

Protagonist: Jaki Sue Barun

Likability: She cares for her toddler grandson when he has a cold and can’t go to daycare while trying to complete online transcriptions, so she can pay her bills.

Relatability: She does her best for her family.

Empathy: Put in a difficult position just to make day-to-day expenses.

Likability: Jaki Sue aids the newfound love of her life leave the assisted living home that he intensely dislikes.

Relatability: She wants to help the man she loves live his last days in a happy situation.

Empathy: Making sacrifices for loved ones is something most people would be willing to do.

Protagonist: Judee Rodis

Likeability: She picks someone’s pocket then gives the money to a handicapped panhandler, who has his pet dog on a leash.

Relatability: She does her best to help others.

Empathy: It’s difficult seeing someone less fortunate go without.

Likability: She starts to pilfer money from an assisted living resident’s apartment, but promptly returns it.

Relatability: Judee does her best to be honest.

Empathy: It’s tempting to do the wrong thing to get money when someone is broke, but the better person will remain honest.

Antagonist: Rochelle Barun (Jaki Sue’s daughter)

Likability: Rochelle, a single mother with a demanding job as manager of an assisted living home, helps her mother find a way to make money by entertaining assisted living residents with a clown act.

Relatability: Though she and her mother are often at odds, Rochelle does her best to help her mom with expenses.

Empathy: She struggles to care for her child and pay her bills.

Likability: Rochelle is shocked when her mom and Judee turn their clown act into a raunchy dance, but doesn’t stop them when she realizes the residents enjoy it far more than any other entertainment brought their way.

Relatability: Rochelle loves her mother even though she has a somewhat hard time with her unconventional ways.

Empathy: Everyone sometimes gets embarrassed by their parents.

Likability: When Rochelle catches Judee about to steal money from a resident she threatens to call the police, but gives Judee one chance to change her ways.

Relatability: It’s difficult to punish someone who shows genuine remorse.

Empathy: Rochelle’s been put in compromising positions too and knows the relief of giving someone a break.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Module 3 Lesson 4

Vision: I have the courage and talent to write contest winning screenplays and will continue to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: It’s fun to give my characters intrigue. I saw no reason to not go overboard and give them perhaps more intrigue than what’s needed. But I can always edit and/or change what’s intriguing about them.

Character Name: Jaki Sue Buran

Role: Protagonist

Hidden Agendas: She wants to edge her bff, Judee, out of her scheme to bilk assisted living home geezers out of their money.

Competition: She’s long been jealous of Judee’s lovable personality, while Jaki Sue always comes across as cold and snipy.

Conspiracies: Same as hidden agenda

Secrets: She stole money from a former employer.

Deception: Pretends to be in love for her own financial gain. Deceives herself that she’s not falling in love when she actually is.

Unspoken wound: She looks down on herself for working many years as a stripper.

Secret Identity: Has none

Character Name: Judee Sidor

Role: Protagonist

Hidden agendas: She’s a pick pocket

Competition: She’s always been jealous of her bff, Jaki Sue’s resourcefulness. Jaki Sue can make more legit money than Judee knows how to.

Conspiracies: Always has a reason to come up short in paying her half of the household bills.

Secrets: Did time in prison for shoplifting when her son was a toddler. He has no memory of this and Judee lives in constant fear that he may someday find out.

Deception: Pilfers money from assisted living residents when she’s in their rooms.

Unspoken Wound: Same as Secrets

Secret Identity: She legally changed her name in order to cover up her time in prison.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I have the courage and conviction to create contest winning screenplays and will continue to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: Subtext is the key to creating depth to my characters. Learning their subtext is helping me see how to develop my script’s plot.

Example Movie: Hustlers

Character name: Ramona

Subtext Identity: A stripper out to hustle men out of their money.

Subtext trait: Friendly and generout

Subtext logline: Ramona is a hardass stripper who befriends her fellow strippers as a means to involve them in her plots to hustle men out of their money.

My characters:

Name: Jaki Sue

Subtext identity: Scared she’s going to be broke and destitute in her old age.

Subtext trait: Desperate, quick thinking

Subtext logline: Jaki Sue is an aging stripper who is determined to pull one last con in order to ensure her financial security.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Visits assisting living homes to entertain the residents. Lies about her motives to entertain in this venue. Offers to let an assisted living resident move in with her. Can’t accept that she’s actually falling in love with that resident.

Name: Judee

Subtext Identity: Judee still bears childhood scars of being convinced that she’s not the brightest bulb.

Subtext trait: Silly, great at convincing others that she’s helpless.

Subtext logline: In order to cover up her feelings of inferiority, Judee adapts a silly, party girl persona.

Possible areas of subtext: Depends on her bff, Jaki Sue to help support her. Turns a clown act into a sexy dance number. She starts a dance class in an assisted living home. Tries to talk herself out of enrolling in tech school classes.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Actor Attractors

I have the courage and conviction to create contest winning screenplay and will go on to have them optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Letting go of perfection allowed me to have an open mind about my characters. What I found out about them isn’t written in stone, and that they can and will continue to grow and change as I learn more about theim.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Jaki Sue: She’s a stubborn woman who insists she can solve all the problems that surround her, but she’s scared to look deep into her own heart to admit she’s lonely and scared.

Judee: The fun-loving party, albeit aging party gal, who always takes the time to help others. She finally finds her true life’s calling at a time when most people consider retiring and gives up her larcenous activities.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Jaki Sue: When she finally lets her guard down, she realizes all she wanted all along is to love and be loved.

Judee: She’s fearless, a pick pocket and small-time con artist, ‘cause a gal’s gotta do, and what she has to do to make ends meet. But she’ll give what she has in a heartbeat to someone less fortunate.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Jaki Sue: She won’t quit her strip act, even when caregivers try to physically remove her from the assisted living home. She helps the man she love escape the assisted living home that he hates.

Judee: She shoplifts, then gives her bounty to others, initiates strip classes in an assisted living home. She takes time to help assisted living residents when caregivers are overburdened. She returns to school to get a caregiving certificate.

How can you introduce this role in a way that can sell it to an actor?

Jaki Sue: In her home, surrounded by bills, on the phone arguing with the head of the assisted living home – who happens to be her daughter – where her mother resides, insisting she already sent in that month’s payment.

Judee: While walking with her son and grandson, she stops to do some pole dancing moves on a flag pole. She removes items she shoplifted from her grandson’s diaper.

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Jaki Sue: Stoic, stubborn, outwardly unfeeling to frightened and learning she can accept and give love.

Judee: Party girl who seemingly lives life on the surface accepting the the side of her who loves caring for others can actually be a way to make a legit living.

What subtext can the character play?

Jaki Sue: Acts like she’s only out for the money but really wishes she could be loved and give love.

Judee: Regrets not going to school to learn a trade.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Jaki Sue: Loyal to her bff, Judee. In perpetual conflict with her daughter. Falls in love with an assisted living resident and doesn’t care what special needs he may have or will need in the future.

Judee: Loves her bff, Jaki Sue, but gets tired of her bossiness. Becomes friends and a volunteer caretaker to women in an assisted living home.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Jaki Sue: She’s straight-backed, straight forward, in your face, but she turns nervous once she realizes she might be capable of falling in love.

Judee: She’s silly, an instant friend, has a loving heart.

What could make this character special and unique?

Jaki Sue: She recognizes that doing a raunchy act in assisted living homes will be controversial, but that the residents come to life when they see it, and nothing will stop her from performing. She steps off an emotional cliff by allowing herself to fall in love.

Judee: Once she realizes that she needs to put her larcenous ways behind her, she realizes that she’s never too old to learn and enrolls in a technical school to get a caregiver certificate.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Actor Attractors for Hustlers

Vision: I have the courage and commitment to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Characters need complexity and a range of emotions to give them appeal and interest, though they don’t necessarily need to be likable, just interesting. I also saw the benefits of having two characters with contrasting personalities being put together for a common goal.

Lead Characters: Destiny (played by Constance Wu); Ramona (played by Jennifer Lopez)

Why would an actor want to be known for this role:

Destiny: She’s a woman on her own, trying to support her grandmother and later her daughter. She’s strong, but flawed and makes bad choices, but she’s a survivor.

Ramona: A hardass stripper, out for herself no matter what it takes. She’s a true hustler, but has a daughter to support, no matter which route she takes to do this.

What makes this character the most interesting in the movie?

Destiny: She doesn’t like what she’s doing, but she’s without an education and is committed to helping her grandmother, and stripping is her best path for good money.

Ramona: She’s ruthless, will befriend others only if they benefit her cause, which is to make as much money as possible, no matter how she accomplishes this.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in this movie?

Destiny: She befriends Ramona as a way to learn to be a profitable stripper. She continues to support her grandmother and her daughter, even when she’d doing the shadiest of deals. She follows Ramona’s lead by drugging me in order to get to their credit cards. After she’s finally arrested, she takes a plea deal in order to stay out of prison.

Ramona: A stellar stripper/pole dancer. After the2008 stock market crash she organizes a gang of women to drug and rob Wall Street workers. Along with Destiny, makes her own roofie cocktail. Loves her daughter.

How is this character introduced to sell it to an actor?

Destiny: A reluctant stripper who goes home to her grandmother and hands Grandma the money she made that night by stripping.

Ramona: Does a wild, sedective pole dance while men shower her with cash.

What is the character’s emotional range:

Destiny: From unhappy and almost timid, even though she’s stripping, to confident, then unethical when she participates in drugging men, to feeling guilty about what she’s mixed up in but trapped because it’s her only way to make good money, to doing the right thing for her daughter by taking a plea deal.

Ramona: She remains a hardass driven bitch throughout the film, but shows her softer side when having a Christmas party for her gang of Wall Street robbing women. She never appears remorseful, though she forgives Daisy for taking a plea deal.

What subtext can the actor play?

Destiny: A reluctant stripper, trapped because she has no other skills. Does this work to support her grandmother and daughter.

Ramona: What to give her daughter a better life than she has.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

The friendship between Destiny and Ramona. Though Ramona is unabashedly in it for herself, she remains loyal to Destiny and vice versa. No matter how unethical they behave, their friendship/partnership remains strong.

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Destiny: Even when she’s at the top of her money making game, she remains unsure if she’s doing the right thing.

Ramona: She powers through, using every trick available to her, to continue making as much money as she possibly can.

What makes this character special and unique?

Destiny: She might be looked down at by “proper society,” but she’s making an honest living, until the stock market crash and she allows Ramona to take her down an unethical path.

Ramona: She knows what she wants and how to get it and won’t let anything, no matter how unethical, stand in her way.

Scene: Ramona teaches Destiny some pole dancing tricks, training her to be better at her job, so she can use Daisy as a means to coerce men into giving her more money.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have them optioned and produced.

What I Learned: That I couldn’t look at this script as anything but dramedy, which meant combining conventions of both drama and comedy. And that my original structure read too much like drama. It needed comedy’s incongruence. It’s also very important at this stage to not be concerned with perfection. With every lesson I learn more about my characters and plot, which will undoubtably change, so there’s no reason to get married to anything right now.

Title: The Home Strip

Concept: Planning to bilk geezers out of their money two aging strippers book a tour into assisted living homes, only to discover true love for the very first time.

Genre: Dramedy.

List of Conventions:

Entertain the audience with laughter inducing moments and interpersonal high stakes.

Incongruence/Character driven journey

Mechanics of comedy/High stakes

Comedic Protagonists/Challenging situations

Strong Story

Act One:

Opening: While Jaki Sue frantically works at her low-paying online transcription job her roommate Judee comes home with her grandson, allegedly just to change the toddler’s diaper, but Judess pulls luxury food items she shoplifted out of the diaper.

Inciting Incident: Judee announces that her caregiver son can get them a job that pays halfway decent money dressing up like clowns to entertain at an assisted living home. comes home with the news that they can make a halfway decent amount of money dressing up like clowns to entertain at an assisted living home.

Turning Point: In the midst of their lackluster clown act, a resident, Russel; blasts some raunchy music on his iPod, and Jaki Sue and Judee break into a seductive – as seductive as clowns can be – dance. Russell hands Jaki Sue $50 for brightening his day.

Act Two:

New Plan: Jaki Sue and Judee plot to take their clown act to various nursing and assisted living home. Jaki Sue is on the lookout for rich geezers who’ll tip for a private dance, but she can’t get Russell off her mind. She convinces Judee to return to the original assisted living him, where women residents urge Judee to give them private dance lessons – hey, you’re never too old to strip!

Plan in Action: Jaki Sue sneaks a look at Russell’s bank statements and learns he’s rich. In the midst of one of Judee’s lessons, she and the old gals are having a great time stuffing tips into each other’s bras, when an uptight child of one of the residents arrives and is horrified.

Midpoint Turning Point: A local news channel does a story about the gals’ act, implying that they are giving private dances.

Act Three:

Rethink Everything: Crushed that she can no longer give the old gals in assisted living, Judee reverts to her old ways of shop lifting, but gets caught in the act. Jaki Sue and Russell are about to have an intimate moment, but it’s interrupted by a frantic call from Judee, saying she’s about to be arrested.

New Plan: Judee talks her way out of an arrest and goes to a technical school to enroll in caregiving classes. Jaki Sue invites Russel to live in her home, for substantial rent.

Turning Point: Russell’s family interferes, informing him that since they have is financial power of attorney, if he leaves assisted living, they will cut him off from his retirement funds.

Act Four:

Climax: Realizing she cares more deeply for Russell than she does for his money, Jaki Sue confronts Russell’s family with her honest feelings for their father. She’d find a way to care for him regardless of his financial situation. Russell begs his family for this one last chance at happiness.

Resolution: Jaki Sue and Russell have the dream wedding that Jaki Sue always dreamed of. Wedding entertainment consists of the old gals to whom Judee gave dance lessons, proving they’re never to old to shake it and hope like hell they don’t break it!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s 4 Act transformation structure

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: This is a great way to create a story line, and if I allowed myself to be fluid and the confidence in my creativity all the blanks got filled in. I’m also allowing myself to not get married to any of these ideas. Better ones my come in the future.

Concept: Planning to bilk geezers out of their money two aging strippers book a tour in assisted living homes, only to find true love for the first time ever.

Main Conflict: Will they continue with their “on the surface” life, taking money from whomever, whenever, or will they finally realize their happiness isn’t totally dependent on get rich schemes?

Jaki Sue’s old ways:

Working crappy low-paying jobs to pay the bills.

Conning men into thinking she’s attracted to them, for a chance to get at their money.

Weary of her lifestyle.

Believes that one big score will be what it takes to get her out of her doldrums.

New Ways:

Settles for comfort over riches.

Is able to accept and give true love.

Is content within her own skin.

Lives an honest life.

Act One:

Opening: Jaki Sue frantically works an online transcription job, hoping to make her weekly financial goal so she can make a payment on her overdue mortgage.

Inciting Incident: Jaki Sue’s roommate, Judee, comes home with the news that they can make a halfway decent amount of money dressing up like clowns to entertain at an assisted living home.

Turning Point: In the midst of their lackluster clown act a nursing home resident, Russel;, blasts some raunchy music on his iPod, and Jaki Sue and Judee break into a seductive – as seductive as clowns can be – dance. Russell hands Jaki Sue $50 for brightening his day.

Act Two:

New Plan: Jaki Sue and Judee plot to take their clown act to various nursing and assisted living homes, thinking they may be able to sneak private dances for some residents and earn some substantial tips.

Plan in Action: In the midst of the gals’ act gaining popularity, Jaki Sue feels guilty about conning residents out of their money. And Jaki Sue can’t stop thinking about Russell.

Midpoint Turning Point: A local news channel does a story about the gals’ act, interviewing some residents who say they gave the gals substantial tips to take it all off.

Act Three:

Rethink Everything: Jaki Sue visits Russell, and there is an attraction she can’t deny. But is she attracted to him or the money she thinks he has.

New Plan: Russell admits that he hates living in assisted living, and Jaki Sue invites him to stay with her, for substantial rent.

Turning Point: Russell’s family interferes, informing him that since they have is financial power of attorney, if he leaves assisted living, they will cut him off from his retirement funds.

Act Four:

Climax: Realizing she cares more deeply for Russell than she does for his money, Jaki Sue confronts Russell’s family with her honest feelings for their father. She’d find a way to care for him regardless of his financial situation.

Resolution: Jaki Sue and Russell elope, and much to her surprise he turned his financial power of attorney over to her.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Subtext Plot

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: That I absolutely love creating the story beneath the surface! Previously, it never occurred to me to think on the subtext level when creating a screenplay, but this is a genius approach and absolutely necessary in writing a quality script. This lesson has also helped me gain insights into my characters that will be valuable when outlining my plot.

Concept: Planning to bilk geezers out of their money, two aging strippers book a tour in nursing homes, only to find true love for the first time ever.

My subtext plot is Fish Out of Water.

Jaki Sue and Judee have been fish out of water for most of their adult lives. They think they are worldly because they’ve worked in the adult entertainment industry, but they spent too much time partying, spending their earnings foolishly, or lending money to folks who never paid them back. Now they’re broke, aren’t getting the stripper gigs and have little skills that would get them even a mundane week-to-week paycheck.

They continue to be fishes out of water when they enter nursing homes, assisted living residences, etc. They believe their plan to bilk money from residents will be easy peasy, that there will be little resistance to “adult’ entertainment. But they don’t take into account how protective family members and caregivers can be. Nor do they realize the residents, while needing extra help, still maintain a basic intelligence. They ain’t so easy to bilk as the gals thought they’d be!

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: I’m enjoying this process of slow but sure character building. It trying to figure everything about them all at once, but I’m also keeping an open mind that they may change as they continue to blossom in my mind.

Since this is a buddy movie, I’m doing the protagonist journey for both my lead characters.

Jaki Sue:

Arc beginning: Broke and lonely.

Arc ending: Financially secure and in love.

Internal Journey: From being feeling like a loser to realizing she’s worthy of being loved.

External Journey: From being a has been stripper/pole dancer to being a respected member of her community.

Old ways:

Taking crappy temp jobs to pay the bills.

Conning men into thinking she’s attracted to them, to have a chance to get at their money.

Tired of her life.

New ways:

Willing to settle for comfort over riches.

Able to accept and give true love.

Living an honest life.

Judee:

Arc beginning: Tricks herself into believing she enjoys her little con schemes.

Arc ending: Finds her true path in life as a caregiver.

Internal Journey: Acting like life is a carnival to taking herself seriously.

External Journey: From always being the silly, fun-loving one to stepping up to a responsible job.

Old Ways:

Lives day-to-day, doesn’t think about her future.

Shoplifts and feels entitled to what she takes.

Borrows money with no intention of paying it back.

Ignores the fact that her irresponsible behavior hurts her loved ones.

New Ways:

Realizes how deeply she can care for others.

Has a responsible job.

Earns the respect of her family members.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is what’s been staring me in the face about my concept, but I’ve been too blind to see it. Yes, I’m writing a comedy. Yes, my characters will have romances. But it’s not a romance. The two main characters have been friends for decades. This a buddy movie! Thank goodness that I had this breakthrough before going any further in the class. I also learned that that their personalities must be unique and relevant to my concept.

Protagonist One: All she needs to do is complete a successful scam and she’ll finally achieve the comfort and wealth of her dreams.

Unique: She has reoccurring dreams of a tiny house surrounded by a white picket fence.

Protagonist Two: Her grandson would be so proud of Grandma if he understood why she stuffs his diaper with luxury food items in the grocery store – Grandma’s just taking care of herself!

Unique: She lives in constant conflict over her
big-hearted generous soul and her belief that she should be selfish and
self-serving

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Vision: I have the courage and confidence to write contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I learned: Taking the time to create an outline is a practical first step in writing my screenplay.

Title: THE HOME STRIP

Concept: Planning to bilk geezers out of their money two aging strippers book a tour in nursing homes, where they discover true love for the very first time.

Character Structure: Rom-Com

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I learned that a scene doesn’t have to be about one thing. The layers of Ally singing, that lonely parking lot, and Jack, even though he’s famous, sitting with a stranger, make the attraction all the more intriguing.

This is what I have to remember when writing a scene about attractions. Bring in other elements, but make sure they all tie into what makes one person attracted to another.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I see Ally’s attraction after she sings the first, quiet song, when she says, “That’s you.”

I see Jack’s attraction before Ally starts to sing that first song. It’s subtle, but it’s there.

The attraction stems from Ally’s talent and, I think, that they are two lonely people sitting in a parking lot in the middle of the night.

The drama is built around the start of a relationship between two lonely people. Jack might be famous, but he’s sitting in the parking lot with a stranger. If that’s not lonely, I don’t know what is.

Based just on this scene, they’re the right characters because they fill a void in each other’s lives, going from lonely to the start of a relationship.

Traits:

Jack: Lonely, sad, insightful

Ally: Lonely, talented, fearless

Their wounds stem from a mutual lonliness, and the future points to a relationship.

There’s more going on in this scene than just a mutual attractions. It could’ve been the start of a one night stand, but Jack is intrigued by Ally’s talent. Ally doesn’t behave like she’s starstruck. Jack is just a guy, alone in a parking lot. But still, she takes the opportunity to pitch a song to him. All these layers lead to an attraction and make for an intriguing scene.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi, I’m Pat.

I’ve written three scripts, but that was several years ago. I’m working hard to get back into screenwriting, and I seem to accidentally write funny. When this class appeared, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to rehone any comedy writing skills that I have.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned from this scene is how complicated it can be to write a triangle into a script. It’s something that I’ve never done, and when I do get around to it, it’s going to have to be meticulous and seamless.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

The triangle is interesting because Tess acts so could toward Danny that it’s obvious she’d holding back her feelings. Danny flat out tells Tess that he’s come for her. And Terry lets Danny know that he’s aware of everything that goes on in his casino and that he knows Danny was just released from prison, implying that he’s got his eye on Danny.

There’s lots of intrigue going on. Danny doesn’t say he’s still a thief, only that he doesn’t lie anymore. Tess in turn can’t say that Terry makes her laugh, just that he doesn’t make her cry. Lots of half-truths going on. Danny makes a point of twisting his wedding ring in front of Terry. And Terry stares daggers at Tess and Danny when they share an elongated look.

The conflict revolves around Danny wanting Tess back, Tess insisting that she’s with Terry now. And Terry just seems cold-hearted and totally sure of himself, though it seems he sees Danny as a threat.

Drama is built around a play for love.

All three are the right characters due to the seamless dance of who care more for whom and the overt character difference between charming Danny and cold Terry. Tess is in the middle, and her insistence that she’s with Terry now sounds rather hollow.

Danny is wounded by losing Tess’s love.

Tess was wounded by the loss of her reputation when Danny was sent to prison.

Danny’s secret, of course, is that he’s planning to rob the casino.

Tess’s secret is implied that she still loves Danny.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned: Create the tension of a power struggle obvious and immediate.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

The power struggle stems from, for the first time, a black coach taking responsibility for a white football team.

Gary thinks he can boss around the new coach because he’s “the only all-American”, and it’s up to the coach to put Gary in his place, in front of his parents and the other white coaches. He reminds Gary that he won’t play unless he adheres to the demand of, “Who’s your daddy?”

The white coaches are unimpressed by the new coach’s playbook. And when Gary starts his power play, they look back supportively to him. The black coach has the reverend on his side, shaking the coach’s hand, looking to him to break new ground.

The scene is built around racism.

Coach and Gary are the right characters because both are in a position of power, making for an immediate clash.

Traits, noted from this scene:

Coach: Confident, won’t back down, demands respect

Gary: Arrogant, know-it-all, naive.

The future points to, perhaps, a continuing power play, then a meeting of minds and mutual respect.

If Gary is wounded, it’s a wound of growing up racist.

It’s great writing because tension is there from the start, making for good plot development.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I learned that, if I am going to have my protag go against a worthy opponent, they indeed better be worthy. Having he or she oppose someone of lesser character would only weaken a scene.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

There’s tension in the bar already, when the “good guys” and the “bad guys” are standing face to face. It elevated when Doc says, “Should I hate him?” The eye contact between Doc and Ringo is deadly.

Doc learns that Ringo is educated when they engage in the Latin dual.

They stand out from the crowd due to the Latin dual, as well as the gun twirling, which Doc turns into a comedic situation when he starts twirling his drink cup.

Drama is built around the tension of their first meeting.

They are similar in that they are both notorious, but Ringo is challenging and Doc is bored, couldn’t care less. A future is implied by the show-offy pistol twirling and Doc’s nonchalant response to it. There may be a showdown in the future.

Traits:

Ringo is confrontational, arrogant, self-confident, educated.

Doc is bored, educated, self-depreciating, won’t back down.

These characters are great worthy opponents because they are equal in skills, education and notoriety. They clearly dislike each other and will not back down from a confrontation.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned by rethinking my scene is that secrets, in order to be useful in a script, need to be revealed, not kept secret. My character needs to open up more, even if it’s done reluctantly.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned from this scene is that I need to exploit my characters wounds in a manner that will create conflict and drama.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Skylar and Will’s wounds are revealed because Skylar wants their relationship to move forward by both of them moving to California. This sets off Will’s fears and sense of inferiority, and he in turn says everything to Sklar that reopens her wounds.

Will immediately goes on the defensive, talking of Skylar finding out new things about him which would cause her to abandon him in California. When he refuses the idea of moving, this kicks in Skylar’s wound of losing love.

Will threatens Skylar by assuming the will eventually leave him and consider him someone that she merely slummed with. HIs anger filled accusations cause Skylar to relive losing her father when she was 13. When Sklar says she wants to help Will, he thinks that she considers him inferior. The only way he can handle this is to lie about loving her and running off.

The drama is built around Sklar and Will opening up each others’ wounds and then taking all the wrong actions. They can’t support each other. They can only continue their attacks.

Traits I saw from this scene alone.

Skylar: take charge (at first), needy, confrontational, frightened.

Will: Angry, inferiority complex, scared, liar.

These characters are in the process of growing and maturing, but still unable to make the right choices. The conflict that builds between them make them great from a writing perspective.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned is that I suck at writing secrets and reveals, but it seems that engaging them in a gradual manner is a great way to introduce tension in a story. We first learned that Kate was wanted by the law, which makes us curious to know more about her. The further reveals continue building the tension and curiosity, which makes the view stay engaged in the story.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

We learn about Kate’s secret from the reveal of Jack discovering the wanted poster with Kate’s picture on it.

The demand shows up during the “never did I ever” game. It’s interesting that Kate is honest about the killing someone statement, but Sawyer most likely would’ve seen right through a lie.

Later there’s the total reveal of Kate’s secret, when we see her blowing up the house where the drunken man is in bed.

The drama is built around Kate’s secret and how we find out she committed a murder.

Kate’s traits: stand offish, wary, kickass, honest

Sawyer’s traits: smartass, sneaky, lonely, insightful.

Kate is a great character because she may do the wrong thing, but for the right reasons – this K learned from having previously seen Lost. She’s also mysterious. Due to the gradual reveals of her secret, we’re curious to know more about her.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned: That I actually have a Bagger-like character in my screenplay in progress. He comes out of nowhere, more or less, and acts as a mentor to my protagonist, whether she’s willing to accept his advice and assistance or not. I’m still not sure what the ultimate ending for these two will be, however that still doesn’t stop me from believing that he’s the right person for my protag to meet at exactly the time she meets him.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I learned that it’s important to consider that future of my characters, rather than just having her living in the present. I feel that I need to show what that future may entail, rather than simply have a conversation happen in which is would be mentioned.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned from this scene it that, when my character is in a confrontational situation she damn will better proceed with confidence and knowledge that she’s right and needs to stand her ground.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

The character traits I perceived from this scene were:

Will: Defensive, super smart, loyal, sense of inferiority

Chuckie: Fun loving, goofy, improvisational, stands his ground

Skylar: Bored, takes no bullshit, curious

The writers created drama out of a nondescript bar pickup attempt by having Will stick it to the so-called intellectual college student, as he comes to Chuckie’s defense. He gets in the college kid’s face by spouting his superior knowledge, but somewhat grudgingly admits that having a degree might be an asset. Skylar, at this point, provides subtext by saying little but casting interested glances at Will during his tirade. Though her actions are subtle, it’s obvious that she’d like to know Will better.

What I learned by rewriting my scene was that when my character needs to be confrontational, she’d better approach the opposing character with force and knowledge.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi Everyone,

I’m Pat Fitzgerald

I’ve written three screenplays, two are pretty good, the third . . . never mind.

I’m taking this class as a means to claw my way back into writing. I lost my writing way a few years ago, and when I learned about this class I could not resist it. My hopes are to elevate my writing, gain confidence that I can complete a quality project worthy of placing well, if not winning contests.

I’ve spent the past several years serving as caregiver to my late husband who suffered from dementia, which goes a long way in explaining why I lost my writing way. I’m finding myself again as a regular human who enjoys life and is truly fond of the screenwriting process. I look forward to working with everyone.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi Everyone,

I’m Pat Fitzgerald

I’ve written three screenplays

I’m taking this class as a means to re-kickstart my creativity and fondness for the screenplay format. I lost my writing way over the past several years, while serving as caregiver to my late husband who suffered from dementia. Not looking for pity/sympathy. That’s just my reality. This class will go a long way in aiding me to rediscover myself, and I’m looking forward to having fun doing just that.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

1. Pat Fitzgerald

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s Transformational Events

What I learned: The idea of letting go of perfection and not even worrying about including bad ideas was reinforced. The bad ideas led to better ones, and I’m beginning to see a story unfold.

Ivy’s old ways: She lives a lie, as a conservative, set-in-her-ways senior citizen to cover up her outlaw past and present. Lonely, but won’t admit it to anyone, even herself.

Stern and standoffish with her granddaughter.

New ways:

Spontaneous and content with her life. Open to new relationships, if not love. An honest relationship with her granddaughter and everyone else important in her life.

Transformational Steps

1. Ivy takes a look at the online dating profile that her granddaughter set up for her and sees Victor’s photo – the man with whom she’d robbed a bank decades past.

2. Ivy contacts Victor, indicating interest to meet with him.

3. Ivy and Victor meet, he not knowing who she really is, and she invites him to stay in her guest house so they can get to know each other better.

4. Ivy searches through Victor’s belongings in order to find out the state of his finances.

5. Ivy reveals her true self to Victor, telling him she intends to blackmail him if he doesn’t give up her cut of the bank robbery money, plus interest.

6. Lilly’s granddaughter, Lilly Miller, confronts Ivy with evidence that Victor may have been involved in the town’s legendary bank robbery. Lilly wants to enlist Ivy in getting Victor to turn himself in.

7. Ivy and Victor have a sit down to discuss how to handle Lilly’s evidence. Ivy begins to realize that Victor is possibly suffering from dementia.

8. Guilt ridden over living a life of lies, Ivy admits to taking part in the robbery and is ready to do what she must to right her past wrong.

Dramatic events that could cause changes in the character.

Ivy is just about to delete her unwanted online dating profile when she gets a “like” from Victor, whom she instantly recognizes.

Ivy and her granddaughter, Lilly, argue over the wisdom of having Victor stay in Ivy’s guest room that’s off of the garage.. Ivy accuses Lilly of being a hypocrite. Just as the word “hypocrite” leaves Ivy’s mouth she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Ivy’s daughter, Iris, returns home from yet another stint in rehab to discover Ivy rifling through Victor’s belongings.

In the assisted living home where Ivy volunteers, a resident tells Ivy that she was once shot in a bank robbery. Thinking this woman has next to no memory left, Ivy says, “I know. I’m the one who shot you.”

Cold-hearted against Victor, Ivy’s attitude starts to change when he sees her petting a dog and admitting to the dog that sometimes he has a hard time even remembering his name.

Victor gets lost at night and wanders into Ivy’s bedroom, thinking he found the bathroom. (What might happen next will either be romantic or embarrassingly awful, such as Victor peeing on Ivy’s bed.)

Lilly decides to do a school project, where she and friends will re-create they town’s legendary bank robbery. Lilly wants Ivy to portray the woman who was shot.

When Ivy tells her daughter Iris that she can’t stay in the guest room because Victor is there, and that Iris can make do in the basement, the expression on Iris’s face causes Ivy to realize her own selfishness and that she may indeed be a cause of Iris’s persistent drug problems.

Iris learns that her daughter wants to investigate.

After having too much to drink at a dinner with Ivy, her daughter and granddaughter, Victor starts to babble about the bank robbery. He talks of a woman named Rose who participated in the robbery. (Ivy’s name had been Rose. She changed it after the robbery.)

Lilly discovers the name of the woman shot in the robbery and goes to interview her at the assisted living home. This woman informs Lilly that the shooter is the lady who brings the pot brownies every week, that being Ivy.

Dramatic events will be added to my outline after my tired brain (up all night with a dog who had the runs, fun stuff!) I felt it was more important to do the bulk of the assignment and get it turned in.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s transformational structure.

What I learned: To just relax and allow the ideas to flow and above all, to let go of perfection.

Concept: Against her wishes, widowed Ivy Davies granddaughter signs Ivy up for online dating, where Ivy discovers her cohort in a long-ago bank robbery is on the site, the man who took off before giving Ivy her cut of the robbery.

Main Conflict: Will Ivy blackmail Victor for her share of the robbery, or will both of them finally own up to the deed?

Ivy’s old ways:

She lives a lie, as a conservative, set-in-her-ways senior citizen to cover up her outlaw past and present.

Lonely, but won’t admit it to anyone, even herself.

Stern and standoffish with her granddaughter.

New ways:

Spontaneous and content with her life.

Open to new relationships, if not love.

An honest relationship with her granddaughter.

ACT ONE:

Opening: Assisted living home residents are happy to see Ivy arrive with her weekly brownies, which are loaded with pot.

Inciting Incident: Ivy returns home to discover her granddaughter signing her up for an online dating site.

Turning Point: Ivy decides to meet with a man on the site – Victor Bertzyk, who has no idea that Ivy was his partner is a decades ago bank robbery.

ACT TWO:

New Plan: Ivy decides to fake caring for Victor in order to steal back the money that she believes he owes her.

Plan in Action: Ivy convinces Victor to stay in her guest house for an extended visit, tells him she knows who he is proceeds to try to blackmail him.

Turning Point: Ivy’s granddaughter starts investigating her hometown’s legendary bank robbery.

ACT THREE:

Rethink Everything: Ivy realizes that she has to be honest with Victor, and with her granddaughter.

Plan in Action: Ivy destroys her little pot farm and suggests that she and Victor part company.

Midpoint Turning Point: Ivy’s granddaughter finds evidence that Ivy and Victor may have participated in the bank robbery.

ACT FOUR:

Rethink Everything: Ivy realizes the importance of finally coming clean and being honest with her granddaughter.

New Plan: Ivy tries to convince Victor that they must go to the police and confess to the robbery.

Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Ivy fully realizes that Victor is in early stages of dementia. She convinces him to make a large donation to the assisted living home and to move into it.

Ivy’s granddaughter convinces her that there is no need to confess the crime to the police, to just continue living her life as a best citizen she can be.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned from doing this assignment is that interviewing characters is a great way to learn more about them. I learned how conflicted and guilt ridden my protagonist is and how arrogant, but frightened of the future my antagonist is.

Tell me about yourself

My name is Ivy Davies. I’m ancient, but I’m not sure if I know that yet. I live a lie, and I’m sick and tired of it, but if the truth about me ever comes out I could still possibly go to prison. Would I like to spend the last years of my life in prison? Tell me, would that be any different that assisted living? I volunteer at assisted living, you know. It’s my way of making up for the wrong I’ve done, especially to poor Mr. Kannedy, that man I accidentally shot in the bank robbery. My granddaughter wonders why I’m a “gun fanatic” as she calls it. She thinks I’m all about 2^nd Amendment rights. Really, it’s more of a case of don’t pick up a gun unless you know the workings of it inside and out. That might be what I’m really all about, knowing the working of things inside and out. I was lucky to have learned from my mistakes. But I don’t know, maybe I’m about to commit another one. Hey, does anyone else but me say that the “commit” mistakes? Sometimes I’m a mystery to me.

Why do you think you were called to this journey?

What journey would that be? Looking at that stupid online dating site that my granddaughter set up for me? Or making what will most likely be the mistake of actually responding to Victor’s message from that site? Well, it’s either time for him to cough up my cut of the robbery or for me to turn him in. Except, I can’t do that without turning me in, too. Maybe I was called to this journey because my life has finally lacked confusion, or maybe I mean guilt. Maybe the Higher Power, whatever that it – God, Universe, who know? I don’t, but maybe that HP just wants me to end my days in a state of misery and confusion. What a downer I can be, huh? Or maybe I just want to set things right in my own head. Trouble is, right now I don’t know what right is supposed to be.

You are up against Victor. What is it about him that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

In different times and a different place, maybe we could’ve lived happily ever after. Or maybe if he hadn’t been such an asshole from the get-go . . .. What’s love anyway? Wait, I’m going off subject. What about him makes it more difficult? He’s not the arrogant jerk he used to be. Something if wrong with him. I think I know, but he’s got to be honest with me about that, and if I’m right hurting him in anyway would be all, all wrong. You see, I think he has dementia.

What do you want to accomplish? Are you going to have to step out of your box to do that?

Ultimately, my granddaughter’s respect. But how do I get that if I come clean about the bank robbery? Telling her the truth would really be out of my box, as you kids say. It pains me that I’ve been dishonest to her, all of her life. That other thing, though, my cut of the robbery – shit, is that what I really want? Do I want revenge on Victor? Or do I just want to help that poor man who will soon be helpless? I seem to be asking far more questions that I’m answering.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think you will have to let go of.

Just about all of them. If I do end up in prison, no more pot smoking, right? But I’m ahead of myself. I’ll have to stop lying. But there I go getting ahead of myself again. Maybe I won’t have to quit lying. Maybe I’ll just make Victor give up the cash and toss him to the curb. Then I could just keep on keeping on. Except, I am so weary. Letting go might be the way.

What fears, insecurities and wounds have you held back?

I never forgave Victor for running out on me. I’ve lived in constant fear, my entire adult life, that the bank robbery might one day be solved. Wounds? Well, I did wound a man, and that left I big wound on my psyche. My entire life is just a basket of insecurity, held together by the loosest of threads.

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

I’m an expert liar. That might help me with Victor. I’m an upstanding, very vocal conservative woman. That might help me if I end up in court. I have a background of slipping and sliding around whatever situation comes my way, and I always land on my feet. That good enough?

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

Ha! What aren’t I hiding? My granddaughter has no idea that I’m a bank robber, nor does anyone else. Victor probably won’t know who I am at first, due to the plastic surgery, and that’s how I want it. I don’t need anyone to know about my little pot farm. Then I won’t be able to make the yummy brownies for the assisted living folks. Or do I want them to know all of this, so I can finally be free of all the lies?

What do you think of Victor?

I think he’s a first class jerk. I also think I might still be in love with him. And I also pity him, if indeed he does have dementia.

Tell me your side of the whole conflict/story.

Isn’t that what I’ve been doing during this entire interview? Mostly, I just want to find some peace in my life. Doing that means facing all my lies. Gee, it’s sounding less and less like I want my cut of the robbery, doesn’t it.

What does it do for your life to succeed there?

It either gives me a cushy little bit of cash to make my final years – how maudlin is that – more comfortable. Or if I succeed in honesty, maybe I get free room and board in prison. Or maybe I just get the weight of all the decades of living a lie lifted off of me.

VICTOR BERTZYK

Tell me about yourself.

You know how they day that, when you get older you remember things from 30 years ago, but not yesterday? Well, I don’t remember either! Okay, that’s not true. I little of it is but . . . well, people like me, and I use that to my advantage. I used to be almost cultlike in the way folks admired me. Really. That’s how I managed to talk my nice, little group of college friends into helping me rob a bank. Actually, most backed out, except for a little gal named Daisy Davies. Tell you what, if that was my name, I’d change it, but anyway, poor Daisy. She thought we were going to donate our gains to help the poor and needy. Helped me. I’ll tell you that much. I took that cash and disappeared. Lucky for me, I had a cousin on the wrong side of the law who helped me launder the money. I took a hit, but so what? I had enough left over to start a nifty little real estate business, which I parlayed into a nice little fortune. So I got no worries about retirement. But I do have one worry. Doc says I probably have dementia. That ain’t the way I want to go out. But if I’m lucky, and I always am, I’ll find a little gal who’ll love me so much that she’ll nurse me to the end.

Having to do with your journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

Like I said, people like me. I can charm the ladies. I have lots of money. I just don’t know how much longer I’m going to have my mind. I have lots to accomplish while I’m still sharp enough to do it.

What is it that you want from Ivy?

I want her to love me so much that she’ll never let me go. Don’t worry, if that happens, and it will, I’ll make sure to leave her all that’s left of my money.

What do you get out of succeeding in your plan?

A good person to take care of me. That’s all any old man wants, wouldn’t you say?

What drives you toward your mission?

Fucking dementia. If I don’t succeed, I end up in some lousy memory care facility. That’s not about to happen to Henry, I mean Victor.

What secrets must you keep?

The “d” word keeps rearing its ugly head. That’s the big one. And I suppose my past. The robbery and all. That’s why I’ll be taking a big chance in going back to where it all happened, but who remembers. Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky. Maybe that’s one of the first things I’ll forget.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

I’ve been special all my life, charming, successful, can think on my feet. Could anyway. Shit, the next special I might be is the old man on the senior special bus. Goddamn it, don’t make me think about it.

What do you think of Ivy?

I’m hoping she’s not too bright. Makes my plan easier. I haven’t met her yet, so I don’t know. But she sure seems anxious to hook up with handsome, charming, rich me. I hope she’s more than a gold digger. But hey, maybe I can get her to sign a pre-nup, that she doesn’t get her money unless she stays with me to the end. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Don’t tell her, okay?

Tell me your side of the whole story.

I
might’ve been the bad guy, but I was the smart guy. I came out ahead, and that’s the way I plan to go out.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

WHAT I LEARNED: Taking my time to flesh out my characters helps them to be well-rounded and three dimensional.

DAY THREE

IVY DAVIES: What draws us to Ivy? She’s a curiosity. She keeps a part of herself hidden from others, yet that part is dying to break free of secrecy. She tries to make up for past indiscretions by volunteering at an assisted living home, but her method of caring is also secretive and illegal – she makes them pot brownies. She loves her granddaughter, but has to push away too much closeness., because Ivy doesn’t want her granddaughter to discover her outlaw past.

TRAITS: Blunt, caring, secretive, lonely.

SUBTEXT: Ivy lives under a veil of conservatism and a strict follower of the law to hide her outlaw past and present.

FLAW: She’s lonely, but can’t admit it even to herself.

VALUES: Family (her granddaughter), helping others, manipulating others to see Ivy as she wants to be seen.

IRONY: She lives life as a law-abiding woman who once made a habit of law breaking and still breaks the law when laws don’t suit her purpose.

WHAT MAKES HER THE RIGHT CHARACTER? Even though Ivy is a so-called senior citizen, she’s at the brink of finally coming into her own, knowing and revealing truths about herself.

VICTOR BERTZYK: What draws us to Victor? He’s a charmer, but with lots of layers beneath his charm. He’s egotistical and thinks he can fool the world, but beneath the ego and charm he is a man suffering from the onslaught of dementia.

TRAITS: charming, frightened, egotistical, manipulative

SUBTEXT: Victor has been diagnosed with dementia, but vows to keep his condition a secret.

FLAW: He thinks no one can resist his charm.

VALUES: Money, status as a respected citizen, his cleverness

IRONY: Beneath his bravado, Victor knows that he will need someone to care for him in the future, and this thought has him more frightened than he’s ever been.

WHAT MAKES HIM THE RIGHT CHARACTER: Victor is on the brink of needing to let go of his bravado and start to depend on others to take care of him.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

WHAT I LEARNED: If I approach this character development with no preconceived ideas and just let my creativity flow I discover things I may never have know about my characters. Yes, this is fun.

Ivy Davies is a RUNNER, something she has skillfully kept hidden from her family and few friends for most of her adult life.

Antagonist: VICTOR BERTZYK, is a CHANGE AGENT, though possibly when Ivy re-encounters him she fears him as the Villain.

Supporting Character:

Lilly Miller, Ivy’s granddaughter, who thinks she might start her journalism career by solving the identity of the town’s bank robbers, who have achieved legendary status over the decades past the robbery.

Possibly, Daisy Miller, Ivy’s errant daughter who may occasionally throw a wrench into the plot.

Reverend Garafolo, Ivy’s church minister, who may not be as reverent as he portrays himself.

Background Characters: Assisted living residents and caregivers, where Ivy does volunteer work.

GENRE: Dramedy

Lead Character Profiles.

IVY DAVIES: Protagonist; late 60s, dare I push it to early 70s. Meticulously groomed, vocal in her politics, comes across as stern and has no interest in changing her ways.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: Living and almost believing the lies she tells others about herself to coming to terms with and publicly admitting to her criminal deeds.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: A lower middle class secretive widow to local hero, albeit outside of the law hero.

MOTIVATION: To keep her life on an unchanging course, until Victor comes into her life, then her motivation is to claim her share of money from the bank robbery they committed.

WOUND: Her guilt for wounding an innocent bystander during the robbery.

MISSION/AGENDA: To keep her secret life secret. To pay back those who were affected by the bank robbery.

WHAT MAKES HER SPECIAL: Ivy has spent most of her adult life hiding in plain sight after the bank robbery, and she diligently does what she can to make life fun and easy for residents of an assisted living home, where some of the victims of the robbery now live.

VICTOR BERTYZYK: Antagonist, late 60s, great looking, but Botoxed. Considers himself a charmer, but he overdoes it. He’s arrogant due to a successful bank robbery that he committed with Ivy, and he subsequently parlayed the robbery’s spoils into a small fortune.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: Arrogant and over-confident to coming to terms with having cancer.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: High-living and loves to gamble to setting up a charity to help indigent cancer patients.

MOTIVATION: Live the last days of his life to the fullest, if not in a very superficial way.

WOUND: His state of denial that he is capable of feeling any kind of wound, particularly his cancer.

MISSION/AGENDA: To make Ivy fall in love with him, as a way of keeping her from implicating him in the robbery, should she decide to finally confess.

SECRET: He robbed a bank in his 20s and got away with it.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL: He’s a charmer, but a phony. If he’d let down his guard, he could truly fall in love with Ivy.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat’s transformational journey

WHAT I LEARNED: Without worrying about being plot specific, I was surprised at the depth that I was able to give to my character.

Ivy Davies, a seemingly right wing and staunch- in-her ways senior citizen widow with a well-hidden criminal past and present.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: Living and almost believing the lies she tells others about herself to coming to terms with and publicly admitting to her criminal deeds.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: A lower middle class secretive widow to local hero, albeit outside of the law hero.

OLD WAYS: Obsessive about her daily routines as a way of hiding her illicit activities; stern and standoffish with her granddaughter; bitter over the necessity of living a frugal life.

NEW WAYS: Spontaneous and content with what she possesses. An open and honest relationship with her granddaughter.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I agree to the terms of this release form.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hey Bill, I’m just a little south of you, in Caledonia, Wisconsin. I checked out your website and found it fascinating. It’s hard to believe that I didn’t know about 4th Coast. Glad that I do now.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi Claudia, If you’re interested in doing another exchange for feedback I’d love to see your outline. I send you an invitation to connect, or you can email me at: peggi_oh@yahoo.com.

I have a rom com. The concept is: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living facility, where she finds true love.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Thanks Jane! I sent you an email.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi Teresa, I’d like to exchange feedback with you. I also have a rom- com.

Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, only to find true love.

My email is: peggi_oh@yahoo.com.

Feel free to send me your outline, and I’ll get mine to you.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

I had one exchange request ahead of yours, so I’m going with that one first. When I’m finished with it, I would love to contact you again so we can give each other feedback. I hope that’s okay.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Yes, let’s exchange outline. I haven’t gotten any feedback as yet, so I’m anxious to get the process started. My email is: peggi_oh@yahoo.com

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Hi Rebecca, If you’re willing to have a look at my rom com, I’d like to give feedback to Ragman’s War. I sent you a connection request. My concept info is at the very bottom of all these messages.