Patricia Brown
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On Tue, Jul 9, 2024 at 8:57 PM Patricia Brown <pat@pbpencraft.com> wrote:
Lesson 1: 7/10/24
Patricia Brown’s ROM-COM
What I learned doing this assignment is that just like Shakespeare-who always started his plays with a question-my story asks the question,”How long are you willing to wait to be with your love?” The Bard also used antithesis. I learned I can use racial and cultural differences in a comedic way. I’m looking for the Big Picture that frames their romance. And, looking for a good title.Title: The Spooken Word
Genre: Rom-Com
Concept: An American-born Greek stylist tasked with keeping the annual Halloween merchandise for the largest US display secret, doesn’t find it so easy to keep a secret from her patriarchal father when she falls for a black Chicago firefighter.Two People Who Belong Together:
Angie is late for work, running a stop sign and almost hitting a fire engine. Van jumps off the engine, smiles and flirts with her and asks for her number. She gives it to him before she realizes her bigoted father will kill her.How they are separated:
Her dad hates blacks.
Her mom supports her dad.
Angie travels for her job often from Chicago to Florida to stage photo shoots.
He has to photograph fires set by protesters at Democratic convention.
Florida boss is racist, so she doesn’t invite him down.
He has kids from 1st marriage who don’t like her and he can’t leave alone.Issues to be resolved:
Angie—internal conflict about keeping secret her love for a black, divorced man from her bigoted father. Her biological clock is ticking.
Van—internal conflict about telling Angie about his three teenagers. Would she want to be stepmom when she wants her own child?On their Journey of Love:
1 ) secrets=
Her folks hate blacks. An only child, she lives with them. She can’t disclose special Halloween merchandise in warehouse so competition won’t make cheap knockoffs. Her whole life is about secrets.
He doesn’t want tell her he is only the department photographer because he got burned. He doesn’t want to tell her he has three teenagers.
2) first kiss/ first sleepover in Halloween warehouse with funny props, animation of spooky displays
3) Van takes Angie and Ya Ya to Cubs game. Angie thinks the kids with him are kids from the hood who got free tickets from fire department. Reveal live on kiss cam for YaYa and kids who call him “dad.” Angie, YaYa and kids all shocked.
4) Angie takes kids trick n treating to YaYa in funny costumes. YaYa warms.
5) Angie does Ashley’s hair, Armand calls her “mom”
6) Van takes care of YaYa.How will comedy be expressed?
Flirty banter
Funny photos
Situation: meet-cute running stop sign almost hitting engine
1st kiss/1st sleepover: with Halloween set; kiss cam
Funny costumes
Funny food conflicts. After a year of staging, the secret—Angie’s Big Reveal event of this year’s national Halloween merchandise and her displays—bring the couples to the happy ending. The Spooken Word? LOVE.Second list=
Title: Chicago Caldron of Love
Genre: Rom-ComTwo people who belong together:
Photography in common. Laugh together. Want a baby together. Each have family secrets. Family first. Sizzling. Love holidays. Instead of Christmas movie, focus on Halloween—disguises hide secrets.How they are separated:
His kids scared of Halloween. His kids think their mom is going to come back. They won’t eat moussaka (lamb).
Her rival wants her job and sabotaging her work by selling the Halloween best seller to rip-off competitor, and threatens to tell her folks about Van.What forces them together:
Her dad dies. Van is there for YaYa when her dad dies and her mom, YaYa, comes to love Van. Van gets hurt at a fire at her warehouse. Her rival tells her bigoted boss. Her biological clock is ticking.Issues to be resolved:
Angie—is it love or lust?
With Ashley, can she be stepmom to moody, surly girl, and a preteen boy entering puberty, and another troubled kid in the hood? Van—is he ready for love again?On their journey of love=
How to express comedy=
Sent from my iPhone
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Hello! I’m Patricia Brown, also known as P.B.Pencraft. After 30 years of practicing law in California, I’ve given up legal briefs and political essays for Italian and screenwriting lessons.
I’ve been the beneficiary of all of Hal and Cheryl’s excellent, extensive expertise for years. Got my contained, coming of age, and comedic scripts in various stages as a result of WIM-3 class.
What I want to get out of this class?
Belly laughs, chuckles, setups with punchlines, pratfalls, hilarity, a sellable ROM-Com…and an Italian lover named Matteo.After being twice-blessed by the Dalai Lama, I won a contest to go around the world on the Concorde. I was pregnant as we circumnavigated the earth in a day and a half. It is a small world after all. And we’re all worthy of a little romance.
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Patricia
As a member of this group, I agree to the terms of this release: -
[WIM3] Patricia Brown’s Intentional Lead Characters
Module 2—Lesson 2
Patricia Brown
I win an Oscar for Best Original Story and for Best Original Screenplay.
What I learned from this assignment is that I can continue to tighten my High Concept so to streamline my leads to step into it so they fit this story well. I also learned that if I stream the one song—only the one—that inspires me and this story (like I saw a very successful screenwriter on Twitter who says she did this for her winning script), I can write faster, more succinctly: one song on my playlist, one logline.
LOVE TRIANGLE
Character: ALYSON GIDEON
Logline: Alyson is a student turned actress who fights for her English stage debut pitting her ex against her new love interest for the male lead
Unique: Covers her fear and shyness with verbal sparing
Character: TEX BENEDICT
Logline: Tex is a student (her ex) who loves Alyson and wants the male lead
Unique: Boastful, narcissistic and rich—realizes none of which will win Alyson back
Character: MATT CLAUDIO
Logline: Matt is an actor/student who loves Alyson and is Tex’s rival for the male lead
Unique: Erudite, handsome and rejected for roles because of a stutter, he won’t stand for Alyson’s rejection or not playing opposite of her
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[WIM3] Patricia Brown’s Great Outlines Make Great Scripts! Module 2-Lesson 1
Patricia Brown
I win an Oscar for Best Original Story and Best Original Screenplay.
What I learned from this assignment is that a love-triangle is really the best structure because I am drawing on Beatrice in Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing” to shape a much younger Protagonist Alyson. I really did study Shakespeare from an Oxford scholar moonlighting at an American-based ex-convent in Sussex. The setting becomes another character, very unique—and very romantic. The title “My Mother’s Mustache comes from the student union pub under the ex-convent. A real place. Everyone loves this title. I learned that I am excited about outlining to get the story down…pat.
TITLE: MY MOTHER’S MUSTACHE
GENRE: Coming-of-Age ROM-COM
CONCEPT: Poor California student Alyson Gideon is thrown into an elite English university housed in an ex-convent with TEX, her ex–who seemingly hate each other–until Matt competes with Tex for the romantic lead in the school’s play opposite Alyson forcing her to choose between them or give up her dream role of a lifetime.
STRUCTURE: Love Triangle
PROTAGIONIST: Alyson Gideon,20
LOVE INTEREST 1: Tex Benedict,21
LOVE INTEREAT 2: Matt Claudio,20
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[Writing Incredible Movies WIM] Confidentiality Agreement start date 5/1/23
PATRICIA BROWN
I agree to the terms of this agreement:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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[Writing Incredible Movies} Introduce Yourself 5/1/23
Patricia Brown
In anticipation of my retirement New Year’s Eve 2022 after 30 years of being a Family Law sole practitioner, I started taking ScreenwritingU classes five years ago. I am finishing up the Professional Rewriting Course which overlaps with WIM with my first draft of my first script, a rom-com. I am now writing full time, shifting my focus from all the legal briefs and published political essays to the fictional scraps in notebooks and backs of napkins for movies I have accumulated for four decades. Some of them contain mystery short stories I wrote with a strong amateur sleuth named Dr. Aurora Callicoat.
What I want to get out of this class is to pivot to that Coming-of-Age idea I’ve had since 1972 and finish a script of it worthy of entering a contest (and winning!) or selling. My mantra is Hal’s: create every day, never plateau whatever level you’re at, and strive to take your writing from good to great.
What is unique about me? I have been blessed by the Dalai Lama–twice.
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[REWRITE] Patricia Brown ELEVATE YOUR BEATS
Patricia Brown SEA CHANGE IN SEATTLE
What I learned from this assignment is that the story is in constant flux and these beats are foundational.
LOGLINE: A Seattle attorney and a therapist barter their services to get the divorces they’ve resisted, but when they start to have feelings for each other their professional rules say they must wait 5 years to date!
ACT I
1. INT.-HALLWAY-DAY
Trish on phone yelling at her husband. He drained accounts. Locked out. Nate overhears and invites her in.
2. INT.-NATE’S THEREAPY OFFICE-DAY
Trish notices Nate is married, but never seen her and Nate won’t say.
3. INT. NATE’S OFFICE-CONT.
Trish calls her BFF/attorney. Nate finds out she is a divorce attorney never divorces. Trish leaves for court.
4. INT.-COURTROOM-DAY
Trish is sanctioned. Can’t reach Bella.
5. EXT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Luke walks confused Bella to his home.
6. INT.-LUKE’S BEDROOM –DAY
Luke tells Bella his mom is on oceanic expedition. Bella says her dad is coming home for Christmas.
7. EXT. COURTHOUSE –DAY
Nate escorts Trish to his house. No way to pay Nate or sanctions, Trish proposes they barter. Opposing counsel cad hits on Trish. Nate’s BFF calls. Agreement to barter made.
8. INT.-NATE’S HOME-TWILIGHT
Nate and Trish tell Bella and Luke staying at Nates. Don’t say why.
9. INT.-NATE’S BATHROOM-NIGHT
Trish and Bella fight
10. INT. – NATE’S KITCHEN-NIGHT
Nate and Luke fight. Trish cooks.
11. INT. NATE’S BEDROOM –DAY Trish “shops” Nate’s wife, Perdita’s closet. No therapy at home.
12. INT. NATE’S OFFICE-NEXT DAY
Cad’s wife, a therapy client leaves and sees Trish going in. Trish and Nate agree to the terms of barter.
13. INT.-NATE’S GUEST ROOM-NIGHT
Bella begs to go home. Trish’s BFF agrees to be Trish’s divorce attorney. Nate finds out Evan is unfaithful.
14. INT.-NATE’S STUDY-NIGHT
Nate tells Trish re his wife before Trish finds out.
15. EXT.—PARK—DAY
Nate takes Trish to Tai Chi. Meets Nate’s BFF.
16. INT.-TRISH’S LAW OFFICE-DAY
BFF sent to tell judge Trish can’t pay sanctions. She teases Trish re Nate.
17. INT.-NATE’S NIGHT
Luke complains re rumors Nate is getting divorce. Trish covers. Trish and Nate collude to find help for their kids.
END OF ACT I
18. EXT.-THE DOCK-DAY
Luke and Bella confide in each other.
19. EXT.-LIGHTHOUSE-DAY
Trish and Nate go to serve Perdita. Get soaked in a storm.
20. INT.-SEATTLE AIRPORT-NIGHT
Trish meets Evan to sign papers. He kisses her. Takes him to Nate’s for Christmas Eve.
21. INT.-NATE’S HOME-CHRISTMAS EVE
Bella rejects Evan. Evan kisses Trish and leaves without signing papers.
22. INT.-NATE’S STUDY-CHRISTMAS EVE
Trish and Nate play a Christmas index game designed by Trish getting to know each other.
23. INT. SEATTLE AIRPORT-CRISIS
Trish and Bella leave for Italy. Trish doesn’t tell Nate Evan signed the papers. 5 year clock starts.
24. EXT.-PARK-DAY
Nate’s BFF tells Nate to propose to Trish as soon as she returns.
ACT 4
25. INT.-SEATTLE COURTHOUSE-DAY
Trish’s BFF gets Nate’s, but not Trish’s divorce. Sanctions raised.
26. INT.-SEATTLE AIRPORT-DAY
FIVE YEARS LATER
Trish, Bella, Melville, his new boyfriend return from Italy. Nate can’t propose bc Trish is not divorce.
27. INT.-COURTHOUSE-DAY
Trish and Nate rush to get divorce and hug. Judge threatens disbarment. Trish cites law.
28. EXT.-LIGHTHOUSE-DAY
Nate proposes. They kiss.
29. 0EXT.-THE DOCK-DAY
Luke proposes to Bella by singing a sea shanty.
30. EXT.-DOUBLE WEDDING VENUE-TWILIGHT
Judge officiates. Offers Trish his seat; she declines
31. EXT.WEDDING TENT-NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Trish and Nate’s first dance
Bella and Luke’s grand entrance
Melville dances in his wheelchair with Matteo
Boomerang dances with her #4 hubby
Finnian Jung
Evan and stewardess dance very close
Perdita catches bouquet kissing Tristen
PAN the back of each name card, the center pieces are gigantic hour glasses
END OF MONTAGE
32. EXT.-WEDDING TENT-NIGHT
Nate toasts Trish. Huge hour glasses turned over and guests must tell someone they love them.
33. EXT.-BEACH-FOGGY NIGHT
Trish and Nate leave the reception to Adddance alone on the beach alone with sparklers where they can see their beacon from the lighthouse.
THE END
Changes to BEATS:
Added new Beat 22: show falling in love
23: 5 year waiting period starts
24: Nate pushed to propose ASAP
Act 4 Beats
25: more obstacles to both Trish and Nate-Trish not divorced; sanctions go up
26: 5 yrs passed, almost, still can’t propose
27: Trish argues law, facts, love in court
28: Leads return to romantic place for proposal! Finally!
29: Younger couple return to romantic place for proposal! Finally!
30: Judge impressed with Trish offers her a job, she declines
31: montage = resolution of all characters
32: Themes made explicit= there is someone for everyone & love is worth waiting for. “Never pretend a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.”—Alan Watts
34. Romance prevails!
Copyright 2023 Patricia Brown All Rights Preserved.
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[REWRITE] Patricia Brown Character Profiles
What I learned from this assignment is that I have lived with my characters so long, that I assumed others could feel their pain or I wasn’t ready to find them a new arc.
SEA CHANGE IN SEATTLE
LOGLINE: A Seattle attorney and a therapist barter their services to get the divorces they’ve resisted, but when they start to have feelings for each other their professional rules say they must wait 5 years to date!
1.Character Name: Trish Borrelli
Role: Divorce Attorney/ wife/mother/lead
Core Character traits:
Impatient
Stickler for Rules
Pining for Love
Proud to a Fault
Character Subtext Logline: Trish is fiery Italian-American divorce lawyer who never could bring herself to divorce.
Her Mission: To accept it’s okay to outgrow her husband.
Want: Companionship and intimacy.
Need: To find someone who knows how to love her.
Flaw: Won’t take her own advice.
World View: Save Democracy, save yourself by following the rules.
Life Metaphor: “May you never need me!”
Secret: She loves Hallmark “mindless fluff.”
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: she’s obsessively in love with Nate (transference).
Two changes:
Secret: Favorite Christmas movie is “Miracle on 34<sup>th</sup> Street.”
How it changes Trish and her story: This classic Christmas movie has an attorney and a therapist in court fighting over what appears a delusional mental patient who may or may not be the real Santa Claus. Nate has never seen it because he hates being a witness in court and hates attorneys. This movie within a movie flips Nate’s bias against lawyers, and flips Trish’s mistrust of men even while portraying therapists as corporate lackeys willing to lie. At the end of the movie, the lawyer grants the mother her child’s wish by buying a home, creating a blended family, and reinforcing the belief that Santa really exists. This mirrors the arc/subtext that Trish and Nate and their two kids are going through. It echoes the idea that my audience of Sea Change in Seattle can also believe in happiness and love in the end. But, most importantly for Trish, it shows the importance of not giving a grand gesture for a grand gesture’s sake, but giving each other exactly the kind of love we (she) wants and needs. For Nate, he no longer is reticent about loving Trish and Bella and about going to court if need be to fight for Luke and them.
Something they don’t want you to admit about themselves: She is profoundly lonely.
How this changes Trish and her story arc: Trish becomes a regular waterworks, willing to cry rivers in front of Nate. She feels safe, and it is cathartic. The pretense of always holding it together was exhausting.
2. Character Name: Nate Noah
Role: Licensed Family & Marriage Therapist/ husband/father/lead
Character Traits:
Ethical
Shy
Witty
Safe
Damaged
Character Subtext Logline: Nate believes that the boundaries between therapist and patient are ironclad.
Character arc: From shutdown recluse to exuberant romantic.
Flaw: He is not as self-aware as he thinks he is.
Life Metaphor: Life comes down to “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?” by the Bee Gees.
World View: Rescue yourself, we all die alone.
Secret: He is madly in love with Trish (counter-transference)
Something he doesn’t want to admit to himself: he mythologized Perdita.
Two changes:
World View: The truth will set you free—right after it pisses you off.
How this changes Nate and his story:
Nate can no longer deny that Perdita left him for a sexier man and that she is never coming back.
Something he doesn’t want to admit to himself: That he lied to his son Luke to protect himself, not Luke.
How this changes Nate and his story:
Realizing his hypocrisy when he tells Trish, Luke and his patients that honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, he realizes that it has been Trish that has triggered his “sea change,” and opened his heart again to love.
3. Character Name: Bella Borrelli
Role: College-bound daughter of lead Trish/girlfriend
Core Character Traits:
Headstrong
Emotional
Impulsive
Intense
Character Subtext Logline: Bella is a sixteen-year-old who can’t stand the thought of her parents divorcing.
Character arc: Goes from angry daughter to trusting soul.
World view: She is the center of the universe.
Mission: To make sure her folks don’t divorce.
Flaw: She kisses a lot of toads to make up for feeling abandoned by her dad.
Life Metaphor: This, or something better. There’s always a next this.
Want: A safe space. Need: Her dad’s love.
Secret: That she feels safe with Nate and especially Luke.
Something she doesn’t want to admit to herself: She’s in love with Luke.
Two changes:
Flaw: She never learns her lesson in love.
How it improves Bella and her story:
Every time she kisses another toad, this pattern demonstrates her self-unworthiness until she finds her handsome prince in Luke.
Trait:
Resignation instead of impulsive.
How this improves Bella’s character and story: Instead of kissing toads, Bella swears off all men as being assholes, claims she’ll never get married, get a dog or be an aunt instead. It frightens Trish who thinks Bella is much too young to be so cynical. Increases Trish’s self-blame for exposing Bella all her life to the “language of the pain of divorce.”
4. Character name: Luke Noah
Role: College-bound son of Nate lead/boyfriend
Core Character Traits:
Bookworm
Brainiac
Seafarer
Timid
Empathetic
Character arc: From loner to lover.
Mission: To find his mother, to spring his father.
Want: His mother. Need: To know the truth.
Flaw: Lives through his lit.
Life Metaphor: “Love is a sea change,” from “The Tempest.”
World view: Every voyage worth taking is in books.
Secret: that he feels loved by Trish and especially by Bella.
Something he doesn’t want to admit about himself: That he sings sea shanties to hide his feelings.
One change:
Secret: that he is a virgin and wants to lose it to Bella.
How this improves Luke’s character and story: As he lives in close proximity to Bella, he sees how it’s the little acts of kindness from her that makes him relax, laugh, and want to sing his shanties. He likens it to the bowels of the sailing shifts. This demonstrates that boys’ feelings are not just sexual, but as complex and intense as teenage girls’. Not all girls have cooties. As a going away present to each other, Luke and Bella have sex. When Bella goes to university in Italy, he sends her bolder and bolder love passages from the sea-themed stories of Melville, Hemingway and the Bard. When she returns for graduation, he presents her with his first novel dedicated to her. After five years, he has the confidence, certainty and clarity to propose.
5. Character name: Finnian Jung
Role: Korean-American best friend to Nate the lead/ Tai Chi instructor
Core Character Traits:
Wise sage
Funny
Perceptive
Razor honest
Teacher
Character Subtext Logline: Finnian Jung is a Tai Chi instructor who loses patience with his best friend’s bullshit.
His mission: Get Nate to let go.
Want: To help Nate out of his head and into his heart.
Need: A stiff drink.
Character arc: Change agent for both Nate and Trish.
World view: Now that I have absolved you of all your sins, go out and sin some more.
Life Metaphor: The Yin and the Yang, the female and male, are one with two parts.
One change:
From Teacher to Prankster.
How this changes Finnian and the story:
Despite Finnian Jung’s devotion to 3,000 years of Tai Chi traditions, he blows the lid off Nate’s stodginess and anal retentiveness by setting up a “Tai Chi-off” where–to the amazement of all the other Tai Chi students in the park–forces Nate to see that not everything has to be slow in Tai Chi and in love. Jeong” is the traditional spelling of the fifth popular sir name in Korean, but can be spelled “Jung” as in C.G. Jung, Nate’s psychoanalytical guru.
Copyright Patricia Brown @ All rights reserved.
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[REWRITE] DAY 2—Review Structure & Bust Clichés
Patricia Brown
SEA CHANGE IN SEATTLE
What I learned from this assignment is that changing structure can immediately increase the entertainment value. So does changing genres.
LOGLINE: A Seattle attorney and a therapist barter their services to get the divorces they’ve resisted, but when they start to have feelings for each other their professional rules say they must wait 5 years to date!
GENRE: ROM-COM
Main Conflict: Trish Borelli, a Seattle divorce attorney, and Nate Noah, a therapist, agree to barter their services to each other, thereby becoming each other’s clients to finally get the divorces from their respective spouses they have resisted. But as clients, the 5-year band that constrains them from dating is suddenly triggered. What do they do when they fall in love with each other? Can they wait it out?
1. Opening: Trish is lured by her teen boyfriend, a preacher’s kid, to have sex with him on the altar on a Saturday night in his dad’s sanctuary. They get caught by a lay leader putting flowers on the altar for the service next day. The guy doesn’t squeal, but at the morning service he sits behind them and whispers, “There is a time and place for everything—and this is definitely not the place.” But Trish confuses the sex for love and agrees to elope to Canada with her boyfriend. Her car breaks down on the way and she finds out he was using her to get to another girl. She is miserable having to wait for her car to get fixed as he goes off in the woods to screw the girl and furious at herself that she trusted his lies, swearing to find herself a guy who will be forever faithful. Enter Nate, the unconfident, but understanding friend who comforts her while driving her home. He is drawn towards her, but too shy to do anything about it.
2. Inciting Incident: Now adults, Trish’s husband, Evan, drains the bank accounts and Trish and their daughter are locked out of her law practice and home.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: strict and mounting obstacles thwarting the intentions of soulmates.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Nate takes Trish and Bella in, and they agree to become each other’s clients triggering the ethical and legal restrictions to dating.
5. Mid-Point: Trish and Nate are falling in love, but so constrained by internally honoring their vows and externally following the ethical rules, they won’t even kiss at the lighthouse when they go to find Perdita to serve her divorce papers and get caught in a storm. Bella, growing up with the language of divorce, has been adamant from the start that she doesn’t want her parents to divorce.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Evan flies into Seattle to sign the divorce papers, but Bella shuns her dad for abandoning them and mom for seeking a divorce. Trish and Nate have a private “taking off their wedding rings” ceremony together.
7. Crisis: Even though Bella has fallen for Luke, Luke—who grew up with the “co-dependency” and “attachment wounds” language of therapy– won’t go to Italy with her to the University, opting to stay to find his mom and comforting his dad when Trish too decides to spend the mandatory five-year waiting period in Italy to get her Master in Laws and be near Bella and Evan who is detoxing there.
8. Climax: The main campus of the international university is in Seattle, so Trish, and Bella come home to Nate and Luke for graduation, but although Bella and Luke kept in touch for those years, Trish and Nate did not—again, playing by the rules–and are both scared to reunite.
9. Resolution: Nate takes Trish back to the lighthouse where they finally declare their love for each other and proposes. He tells her that he’d be a fool not to marry her. Luke has proposed to Bella on the dock and there are two weddings!
Part taken out: Opening
SECOND LIST OF MAIN CONFLICT AND STRUCTURAL ITEMS
Main Conflict: Trish Borelli, a Seattle divorce attorney, and Nate Noah, a therapist, agree to barter their services to each other, thereby becoming each other’s clients to finally get the divorces from their respective spouses they have resisted. But as clients, the 5-year band that constrains them from dating is suddenly triggered. What do they do when they fall in love with each other? Can they wait it out?
NEW OPENING:
Trish gets to her law office early in the morning at a small business hub downtown Seattle, but finds her key won’t work and she is on her cell having a heated argument with her husband, Evan, an international pilot, who has absconded with all of their joint accounts and didn’t pay her office rent or their mortgage on the home where she lives with their 16-year-old daughter, Bella. The temperature and Trish’s voice are rising and Trish accuses him of abandoning her and Bella for a stewardess.
Enters Nate, the quiet, kind, mild-mannered, almost Zen therapist whose door to his office is immediately across from hers. He bends over to pick up his mail from the rug, and can’t help but notice her legs and the red jersey, snug dress wrapping her curvy body attached to her brown dark mane and blue eyes. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he recognizes immediately the crisis on her end of the phone that will likely end in a breakup, but doesn’t interrupt. He hates attorneys. But when Trish starts to cry, he just can’t ignore her emotional angst. He invites her in for coffee and tissues; it’s an hour before his first client arrives.
The purpose of this scene is to introduce both leads in an entertaining way. First, opposites attract—she is an Italian, passionate, animated, articulate, intense attorney who is a zealous advocate for everyone else—but herself. Nate is a quiet, unassuming, closed-down therapist who has buried his pain of abandonment by his wife with a subtle, but witty, sense of humor and by lying to his son about her whereabouts. He isn’t as self-aware as he thinks he is. Trish and Nate do have things in common: still married after all these years to spouses who are not emotionally, spiritually, physically, or intellectually available to them, they love their 16-year-old kids, music, and the sea, while trying to adhere to their wedding vows, the rule of law, and the power of ethical and cultural norms.
Main Conflict: Trish Borelli, a Seattle divorce attorney, and Nate Noah, a therapist, agree to barter their services to each other, thereby becoming each other’s clients to finally get the divorces from their respective spouses they have resisted. But, as clients, the 5-year band that constrains them from dating is suddenly triggered. What do they do when they fall in love with each other? Can they wait it out?
Inciting Incident: Now adults, Trish’s husband, Evan, drains the bank accounts and Trish and their daughter are locked out of her law practice and home.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: strict and mounting obstacles thwarting the intentions of soulmates. Nate takes Trish and Bella in, and they agree to become each other’s clients triggering the ethical and legal restrictions to dating
First turning point at end of Act 1: Evan flies into Seattle for Christmas for the first time in five years for what Trish believes is to sign the divorce papers, but he balks and, instead, presses her to get back together. Bella is furious and tells her mother that she will run away if Trish reconciles with her jerk dad.
Mid-Point: Nate takes Trish to a lighthouse near where Perdita has been hold up with her lover since Luke was four, but he never told Luke. Trish, as his attorney, can serve her divorce papers, but Nate, a party, can’t. A storm comes in and they are stranded under the eaves of the lighthouse close together, but unable to touch. The heat between them is palpable. They go back to Seattle soaked without kissing or serving Perdita.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Evan starts binge drinking triggered by the divorce papers and is grounded in Italy by his airline until he detoxes there. her friend Melville and Bella—both in love with Luke—cry on the plane to Italy—because Luke decides to stay in Seattle with his dad and go to school there at the main campus. Trish will go to Italy only if Evan signs the divorce papers before she leaves and he releases her half of the funds. He agrees. She tells everyone only a third of the truth for her trip to Italy; that she is going to work on her Master in Laws and be near Bella. She doesn’t tell anyone (except her attorney/BFF she nicknamed ‘Boomerang’) that she is finally going to exact the divorce papers from Evan, and certainly doesn’t reveal that she is in love with Nate and has to wait the mandatory five years to be with him.
Crisis: Trish very reluctantly leaves Nate at the airport. They don’t kiss.
Climax: Trish flies back to Seattle with Bella and are greeted at the airport. By Nate and Luke. Bella and Luke aren’t shy and suck face, since unbeknownst to their parents, they have been communicating online the whole time, but Trish and Nate are remarkably shy, having been apart for five years.
Resolution: Nate surprises Trish by taking her straight to the lighthouse. He tells her that she is his beacon, the light of his life. He proposes and she says ‘yes!’ Their hot first kiss was definitely worth waiting for. Back at the Seattle dock where Luke went fishing with his dad while Bella was gone, Luke sings Bella a funny rhyming sea shanty to propose; she accepts. At the joint wedding, Trish and Nate leave the reception and go to his Tai Chi Beach where they celebrate alone while dancing with sparklers in the fog at midnight. They can see the beacon from their lighthouse on the beach. THE END
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Patricia Brown.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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Patricia Brown
I agree to the terms of this release form.
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people
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[Rewrite] Lesson 1: Clarify Your Story
Patricia Brown’s Logline and One Page!
What I learned doing this assignment is I was unable to fit my plot into one page, because I added too many details. I was unable to flush out my subplots in one page. I started with the “Old Days,” but did not get to the emotional point of my first four scenes I have written. Taking a cue from the idea that you must start with “action,” I started with teen sex. but the point should have been that my female protagonist had her heart so broken early on, that even as a divorce attorney, she can’t bring herself to divorce. The bad news: perfectionism is highly overrated. the good news: everything is up for new possibilities in this script. Also, I have to mesh the title better with the love story to sell.
Title: SEA CHANGE IN SEATTLE
Logline: Seattle divorce attorney Trish and therapist Nate see each other in a new way when they barter services to get the divorces they have resisted, but have to wait 5 years to date!
Story Overview:
Trish Borrelli is a divorce attorney who has never been divorced. She is married to Evan, a pilot. They have a teen daughter, Bella. Nate Noah is a LMFT, separated from his wife, Perdita. Their son, Luke, is the same age as Bella. When they barter each other’s services—he will help her explore why she has resisted divorcing and she will help him finally file—they become clients and have to figure how to get around the strict professional ethical and legal prohibitions of having relations with their client for five years when they fall in love. At the core is their love story. How do you know that he/she is the one, especially since you picked the wrong person before? How long are you willing to wait for true love?
Trish’s first teen love is a preacher’s kid, David. He gets her to have sex in the sanctuary and parsonage, then to get her to drive them to Canada to elope. But it’s a ruse and the car breaks down in a town where he has another girl who he takes into the woods to screw. After the car is fixed, she drives home alone and notices the shy, nerdy friend of David’s, Nate. Now adults, Evan has drained all of their joint bank accounts, gone on a binger with a stewardess out of the country, leaving Trish shut out of her office and home. Nate takes Trish and Bella in, revealing his wife is gone with her lover, but hiding that he lied to Luke and told her she was on a marine biology trip. They come up with a mutual solution to barter services. As Trish starts therapy with Nate, she finds the attraction exploding. Nate represses his attraction trying to dismiss it as transference. They stand at the lighthouse during a raging storm unable even to kiss. Bella asks Luke, a lit major, to go to university in Italy with her, but he stays back in Seattle to be with his dad and to find his mother. Evan flies into Seattle to sign the divorce papers and Bella cries and refuses to look at her father when he tries to apologize. Bella goes to college in Italy, and Evan is there detoxing, so Trish goes to study international law and be near her family. Five years later, everyone comes back to Seattle for Bella’s, Luke’s and their gay friend, Melville’s, graduation. Evan, Perdita-who has also signed the papers-are there. Trish and Nate return to the lighthouse, declaring their love. Trish expands her practice to international copyright hiring Melville. Ends with two weddings: Bella and Luke’s and Trish and Nate’s.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Patricia Brown.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Patricia Brown.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Patricia Brown.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Patricia Brown.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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My name is Patricia Brown. After retiring from practicing law for 30 years at the end of 2022, I’m here to write screenplays full time. I have taken so many classes from Hal during the last three years, I have forgotten how many, but loved the 30-day Comedy writing class. Like everyone here, I want to go from being a good writer to a great one. I also want to focus on one of two scripts. Unique? I’m the only women on the planet who went around the world on the Concorde in a day and a half–while pregnant.
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Patricia Brown I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Patricia Brown. I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Cassie,
As a divorce attorney for 30 years, those are scary enough! I vote for a Comedy! Great idea.
Patricia Brown
California
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Lenore,
Look for an episode of the British series that from time to time appears on PBS called “New Tricks.” There was an episode about a romance behind and outside the Berlin Wall for your inspiration. I can see your story and love the idea.
Patricia Brown
California
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Lloyd,
Look to find the episode of the Hallmark Series “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” about a rescue mission and the James Patterson/Hillary Clinton book also with such a mission for inspiration. Your story is gripping.
Patricia Brown
California
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Brian,
I got my sense of humor from taking Hal’s Comedy Writing in 30 days! LOL
Oh, and from watching all 84 episodes of the TV show “Monk” over and over again. The writers there used every single comedy strategy Hal taught us.
But you got it right—the Dalai Lama has the BEST sense of humor ever. I guess that makes him a Monk’s Monk.
Patricia Brown
California, USA
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Karyn,
The stories from 1972 have stayed in our hearts for so long, it’s time to release and share, don’t you think? Looking forward to see your work along this journey together!
Patricia Brown
California, USA
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Joanne,
Hey, I never made it to the bench like your husband, but as for retirement, I follow Tennis Star Serena William’s “It’s not retirement, it’s evolution!” And my evolution into screenwriting is FUN! Hoping to enjoy this journey with your writing.
Patricia Brown, California USA
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Bob,
Appreciate your succinctness and streamlining your characters. They are really coming alive. Can see the tension between Fran and Poppa in this latest version.
Anticipating reading your script down the line.
Patricia Brown
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Hi, Lisa:
Three things I hadn’t realized before:
Jane knew she was dying?
Ed uses Molly to get back at April?
And, Mars is sarcastic?
These are three things that you might bring out more in your heartfelt script.
Patricia Brown
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Lived in England, been to Normandy, like historical movies. Email me at pat@pbpencraft for my brief feedback. I have not yet posted my beats here. Patricia Brown
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Hi!
I have a friend in Fresno, CA, whose older sister not only had to hide her girlfriend for four decades, she was the officer in the military charged with screening lesbians to be kicked out after “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” They had a tunnel for years between their houses so to keep their love a secret. A true story, you can watch their film called “Surviving the Silence” on Amazon Prime and maybe Apple too. The director is Cindy Abel. I met the producer and the couple right after it was optioned. I thought of this last might after seeing a tunnel in your script.
I can’t imagine what it was like back in 1961, and I have’t seen your beats yet, but I want to make sure when your couple goes out it’s doesn’t seem so cavalier especially since they are being watched like in the above true story (being an officer would have never shielded her from getting immediately dishonorably discharged; not just irony for dramatic effect). Hope you can watch it as part of your research.
Patricia Brown (A straight ally)
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ND,
Can see the movement you have made in this interesting journey. Have you thought of changing the title to “IceWorm” or “Project IceWorm?”
Patricia Brown
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Lisa,
I think your second version underscores two things. First, that the main conflict is between Edgar and Molly, so that you have them directly confronting each other; that is much like a big fight scene in any action movie where the final fight should be between the protagonist and the antagonist. Very well done here.
Second, that people don’t change immediately. Internally, Molly still is conflicted about April. Shows again that maturity comes hard, her dedication to her art, and an organic character arc.Even though you changed one element, you stuck to the core and heart of your story!
Patricia
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Bob,
Always appreciate anything that helps me tighten up my logline. I will consider your suggestions.
Not surprised about your Perdita comment, since only yesterday, I started a second character interview with her to flush her out. Yes, she is the wife of Nate, mother of Luke.
Since I am a long-time pandemic Tai Chi zoomer myself, Nate’s confidant/BFF will be his Japanese-American Tai Chi instructor who at this point doesn’t even have a name. I will be doing his character interview to see what he can reveal to me, but I have already done my research about Tai Chi in Seattle and have a comic situation in mind for a scene with them both leading into the resolution.
Thank you!
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Robert,
Love the title since rowing is definitely a team sport.
You read my mind about tightening up your logline from your first one in Lesson 1. You took out the emotional challenges like self-confidence that was already implied by the main conflict, and narrowed it beautifully the second logline around. Your final one below is the best because it does not lead with the conflict of divorce; that word can scare off some readers maybe and with the concept of recency, that’s what they will consciously or unconsciously think is the major conflict of your film. Great logline!
As for the phrase “clothes off her back,” it probably was true, but may be one of those cliches that needs busting. It is shorthand, and I had a late, great woman friend who left in the middle of night with her three kids with only their clothes on their backs to get out of an abusive marriage; sometimes that’s why cliches become cliches.
I like that your inciting incident presents two males with twice the pressure. I like how you keep referring to Fran King’s journey for her voice. We women can be discounted, ignored, interrupted, and it is so common we may not even notice. Bravo to reflecting the courage to hit that issue hard.
Finally, I like that you used her full name. It reflects the rights you already have.
Patricia Brown
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I responded positively, Bob, sending you my phone number. Looking forward to talking with you. Sincerely, Pat pat@pbpencraft.eom
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My email is pat@pbpencraft.com
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Hi, Lisa,
I saw that Deb has asked you to pair with her. Would you be willing to connect with me for at least the second part of assignment 1? I appreciate your clarity on your One Page.
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Hi, Robert,
Would you like to pair up for the next assignment? Both of our scripts deal with divorces, and since I was a divorce attorney for the last 30 years before my retirement, I might be of some aid. I just finished the NYT 2022 number one bestseller “Lessons in Chemistry,” that has been optioned. It features rowing. My email is pat@pbpencraft.com