[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Emotional Moments

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned is that there are probably more emotions that I can explore within the script as I still have a lot of blanks.

Positive Emotions

Surprise – Act 1. – Dan is surprised by his feelings for Kyla.Act 2. Kyla is surprised to meet Dan again and her feelings are steel strong.Act 3. Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>BondingAct 1. – Dan bonds with his best friend and also Mrs. WagnerAct 2. – Kyla feels a bond with Dan.Act 3. – Dan feels close to God.Act 4. – Dan feels close to Kyla.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ExcitementAct 1. – Dan excited to raceAct 2. – Dan thinks he has a way to get out of the asylum.Act 3. Act 4. – Dan is cleared to go home.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>CourageAct 1. – Dan lines up at footraceAct 2. Act 3. Act 4. – Dan decides to live life without a partner for the moment.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Success/Winning – Act 1. – Dan daydreaming of winning the race/Kyla’s affectionAct 2. Act 3. Act 4. – Dan wins Kyla’s affection

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Love – Act 1. Dan wanting to win the love of KylaAct 2. Act 3. Kyla reveals her unrequited love for Dan.Act 4. Dan wins the love/affection of Kyla

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Negative Emotions

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Wounds – Act 1 – Dan is the slowest at everything, loses races etc. Loses races. Dan publicly shamed by his problem of pre-mature ejaculation.Act 2. – Dan tries to commit suicideAct 3. – Act 4. –

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Emotional Dilemma– Act 1. Should Mrs. Wagner tell Dan the truth?Act 2. Act 3. Should Kyla tell Dan how she feels? Should Dan tell Kyla how he feels?Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Betrayal – Act 1. Act 2. God feels betrayed by Dan stopped praying.Act 3. Dan feels God betrayed him.Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Moral issue – Act 1. Act 2. Should Kyla quit her job? Should God have acted sooner?Act 3. Should the psychiatrist quit his job? Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Hidden weakness – Act 1. Dan can’t accept good advice.Act 2. Act 3. Dan can’t let others know he talks to God.Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Distress – Act 1. – Dan being a loser and having failed relationships.Act 2. Dan trying to commit suicide.Act 3. Act 4.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Sacrifice – Act 1. Act 2. – Dan prepared to cut his life short. God working long hours/days.Act 3. – Kyla prepared to lose her job.Act 4.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Reveals

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others

I learned that there maybe even further reveals that I can reveal at a later date.

Question 1: What will you reveal?

That each character met at Primary school. Kyla’s comments changed how Dan acted.That Mrs. Wagner tried to give Dan good advice.Subtext that shows the Psychiatrist is hot for Kyla

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?

In later acts. Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?Show in time, then perhaps Flashbacks?

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

Most are in Act 1, the Psychiatrist is the latter Acts.

Act 1: The Set Up

PJ1 Opening: Dan, a little fat kid watches other kids win races, be popular etc. ACTION Dan overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is. ACTION Kyla giggles as David waves to her.

Deeper Layer – ACTION Kyla turns to her friends and has more to say, but Dan doesn’t hear it.

PJ2 Inciting Incident: ACTION Dan enrols to race, loses big time and is embarrassed at a foot race.

AJ1 ACTION Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possibly be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

PJ3 Turning Point: ACTION Dan prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything.

PJ4 Dan’s teenage years are hell as he realizes that he suffers from premature ejaculation and is the world’s fastest ejaculator.

PJ4A REVEAL Show how being suffers from premature ejaculation ruins his life. He can’t do things people take for granted without ejaculating. ACTION Has to wear diaper pants. Can’t satisfy any woman. Relationships go one after the other. He tries hard to avoid having sex with anyone including the woman he’s dating an influencer.

2^nd AJ1 ACTION Kyla studies hard and is accepted to study as a sex therapist.

PJ5 As an adult, Dan is super-embarrassed and shamed when his girlfriend/influencer ACTION announces him to be the world’s worst lover. A long line of woman come forward to say how woeful, inadequate and selfish he is. He gets phone calls from people telling him what a loser he is. His life is hell and he gets a call from a woman wanting to talk to him about his sex life and ACTION he blows his stack and hangs up on her and blocks her number.

Deeper Layer – It is Kyla as an adult. She is concerned – ACTION – she rings back, but he ghosts her.

Act 2:

PJ6 Inciting Incident/New plan: Dan thinks his life is ruined and plans to commit suicide. ACTION – He tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment that runs above his toilet. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position.

PJ 7 Dan ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he takes ACTION plans to try and OD on pills by getting another Inmate to give him her pills.

2^nd AJ 2 Kyla sees Dan in the psychiatric ward and hides her face from him. When he asks, she denies she knows him and he tells her about the phone call that drove him to suicide, later on she takes ACTION calls her psychiatrist – ‘I’ve got a big problem.’

3^rd AJ – Klya lies on the psychiatrist couch and tells her psychiatrist everything and that she has an ethical dilemma, she has feelings for Dan and has carried a torch for him for many years/decades. ACTION the psychiatrist is visibly frustrated.

4th AJ 2 Kyla’s psychiatrist tells her “It’s okay, I’ve got some tapes he can listen to and gives them to Dan to listen to before he goes to sleep.”

PJ8 Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward Dan takes ACTION and tries to OD on pills, but REVEAL they turn out to be laxettes and he falls off the toilet pan and is concussed and… REVEAL he sees God.

Act 3:

AJ2 God is his primary school teacher from all those years ago. She reveals to him her problems of getting people to act decent, so where better than to try at a primary school where kids are young and not yet set in their ways.

PJ8 Dan takes ACTION threatens to out God/Mrs. Wagner, but she replies and where do you think that will get you? Dan realises he’ll end up right where he is now, perhaps on even stronger medication, he’ll never get out.

PJ8A Dan has dreams/nightmares involving Kyla. He realises he has feelings for her.

PJ9 Dan rethinks everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

PJ10 New plan: Dan takes ACTION and wants to get a lobotomy, that Psychiatrist is proposing as a long-term study.

5^th AJ2 Kyla learns that the Psychiatrist tape that he gave Dan starts off with calming ocean sounds, but then goes on about the benefits of getting a lobotomy/chemical castration. She takes ACTION and goes to report him and he grabs her wrist. Psychiatrist REVEALS he loves Kyla and tries to get fresh. Kyla takes ACTION and She busts him in the nose. He threatens to sack her. She lures him into telling what he has been doing and has captured it all on tape to be used against him.

PJ10 Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The hospital won’t let him do a lobotomy (Maybe he takes ACTION and grabs a knife and tries to do it on himself?).

Act 4:

PJ11 New psychiatrist says Dan is cured and fine to leave the facility.

Deeper Layer – During the assessment Dan ACTION can see Mrs. Wagner/God, but has to keep his mouth shut otherwise he could be put on heavy medication and locked up for ever.

6^th AJ2 Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla REVEALS that she was also the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. She also reveals that she was the one on the phone & had been ringing to offer him free assistance, but he hung up on her. She reveals that she loves and wants to be with him.

PJ11 Resolution – Dan chooses to be happy and tells Kyla “On some level I’ve probably always loved you too. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out with her. She understands and agrees.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s – New Outline Beats

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is working backwards can help to springboard new ideas or ones that you had forgotten, but hadn’t written down. Yes, there’s still room for improvement, but it all takes time.

Act 1: The Set Up

PJ1 Opening: Dan, a little fat kid watches other kids win races, be popular etc. He overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is.

Deeper Layer – Kyla has more to say, but Dan doesn’t hear it.

PJ2 Inciting Incident: Dan enrols to race, loses big time and is embarrassed at a foot race.

AJ1 Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possibly be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

PJ3 Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything.

PJ4 Dan’s teenage years are hell as he realizes that he suffers from premature ejaculation and is the world’s fastest ejaculator.

PJ4A Show how being suffers from premature ejaculation ruins his life. He can’t do things people take for granted without ejaculating. Has to wear diaper pants. Can’t satisfy any woman. Relationships go one after the other. He tries hard to avoid having sex with anyone including the woman he’s dating an influencer.

2^nd AJ1 Kyla studies hard and is accepted to study as a sex therapist.

PJ5 As an adult, Dan is super-embarrassed and shamed when his girlfriend/influencer announces him to be the world’s worst lover. A long line of woman come forward to say how woeful, inadequate and selfish he is. He gets phone calls from people telling him what a loser he is. His life is hell and he gets a call from a woman wanting to talk to him about his sex life and he blows his stack and hangs up on her and blocks her number.

Deeper Layer – It is Kyla as an adult. She is concerned she rings back, but he ghosts her.

Act 2:

PJ6 Inciting Incident/New plan: Dan thinks his life is ruined and plans to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment that runs above his toilet. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position.

PJ 7 Dan ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he plans to try and OD on pills by getting another Inmate to give him her pills.

2^nd AJ 2 Kyla sees Dan in the psychiatric ward and hides her face from him. When he asks, she denies she knows him and he tells her about the phone call that drove him to suicide, later on she calls her psychiatrist – ‘I’ve got a big problem.’

3^rd AJ – Klya lies on the psychiatrist couch and tells her psychiatrist everything and that she has an ethical dilemma, she has feelings for Dan and has carried a torch for him for many years/decades. He is visibly frustrated.

4th AJ 2 Kyla’s psychiatrist tells her “It’s okay, I’ve got some tapes he can listen to and gives them to Dan to listen to before he goes to sleep.”

PJ8 Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward Dan tries to OD on pills, but they turn out to be laxettes and he falls off the toilet pan and is concussed and… he sees God.

Act 3:

AJ2 God is his primary school teacher from all those years ago. She reveals to him her problems of getting people to act decent, so where better than to try at a primary school where kids are young and not yet set in their ways.

PJ8 Dan threatens to out God/Mrs. Wagner, but she replies and where do you think that will get you? Dan realises he’ll end up right where he is now, perhaps on even stronger medication, he’ll never get out.

PJ8A Dan has dreams/nightmares involving Kyla. He has feelings for her.

PJ9 Dan rethinks everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

PJ10 New plan: Dan wants to get a lobotomy, that Psychiatrist is proposing as a long-term study.

5^th AJ2 Kyla learns that the Psychiatrist tape that he gave Dan starts off with calming ocean sounds, but then goes on about the benefits of getting a lobotomy/chemical castration. She goes to report him and he grabs her wrist. Psychiatrist reveals he loves Kyla and tries to get fresh. She busts him in the nose. He threatens to sack her. She lures him into telling what he has been doing and has captured it all on tape to be used against him.

PJ10 Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The hospital won’t let him do a lobotomy (Maybe he grabs a knife and tries to do it on himself?).

Act 4:

PJ11 New psychiatrist says Dan is cured and fine to leave the facility.

Deeper Layer – During the assessment Dan can see Mrs. Wagner/God, but has to keep his mouth shut otherwise he could be put on heavy medication and locked up for ever.

6^th AJ2 Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla reveals that she was also the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. She also reveals that she was the one on the phone & had been ringing to offer him free assistance, but he hung up on her. She reveals that she loves and wants to be with him.

PJ11 Resolution – Dan chooses to be happy and tells Kyla “On some level I’ve probably always loved you too. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out with her. She understands and agrees.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Beat Sheet draft 1

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned with this assignment is that it’s starting to come together, even if it doesn’t make sense to other people, it makes sense to me.

Act 1: The Set Up

PJ1 Opening: Dan, a little fat kid watches other kids win races, be popular etc. He overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is.

Deeper Layer – Kyla has more to say, but Dan doesn’t hear it.

PJ2 Inciting Incident: Dan enrols to race, loses big time and is embarrassed at a foot race.

AJ1 Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possibly be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

PJ3 Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything.

PJ4 Dan’s teenage years are hell as he realizes that he suffers from premature ejaculation and is the world’s fastest ejaculator. H

2^nd AJ1 Kyla studies hard and is accepted to study as a sex therapist.

PJ5 As an adult, Dan is super-embarrassed and shamed when his girlfriend/influencer announces him to be the world’s worst lover. He gets phone calls from people telling him what a loser he is. His life is hell and he gets a call from a woman wanting to talk to him about his sex life and he blows his stack and hangs up on her and blocks her number.

Deeper Layer – It is Kyla as an adult. She is concerned she rings back, but she is ghosted.

Act 2:

PJ6 Inciting Incident/New plan: Dan thinks his life is ruined and plans to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment that runs above his toilet. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position.

PJ 7 Dan ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he plans to try and OD on pills by getting another Inmate to give him her pills.

2^nd AJ 2 Kyla sees Dan in the psychiatric ward and hides her face from him. When he asks, she denies she knows him and he tells her about the phone call that drove him to suicide, later on she calls her psychiatrist – ‘I’ve got a big problem.’

3^rd AJ – Klya tells her psychiatrist everything and that she has an ethical dilemma, she has feelings for Dan and has carried a torch for him for many years/decades.

4th AJ 2 Kyla’s psychiatrist tells her “It’s okay, I’ve got some tapes he can listen to and gives them to Dan to listen to before he goes to sleep.”

PJ8 Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward Dan tries to OD on pills, but they turn out to be laxettes and he falls off the toilet pan and is concussed and… he sees God.

Act 3:

AJ2 God is his primary school teacher from all those years ago. She reveals to him her problems of getting people to act decent, so where better than to try at a primary school where kids are young and not yet set in their ways.

PJ8 Dan threatens to out God/Mrs. Wagner, but she replies and where do you think that will get you? Dan realises he’ll end up right where he is now, perhaps on even stronger medication, he’ll never get out.

PJ9 Dan rethinks everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

PJ10 New plan: Dan tries to get a lobotomy, that Psychiatrist is proposing as a long term study.

5^th AJ2 Kyla learns that the Psychiatrist tape that he gave Dan starts off with calming ocean sounds, but then goes on about the benefits of getting a lobotomy/chemical castration. Psychiatrist reveals he loves Kyla and tries to get fresh. She busts him in the nose.

PJ10 Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They won’t let him do a lobotomy.

Act 4:

PJ11 New psychiatrist says Dan is cured and fine to leave the facility.

Deeper Layer – During the assessment Dan can see Mrs. Wagner/God, but has to keep his mouth shut otherwise he could be put on heavy medication and locked up for ever.

6^th AJ2 Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla reveals that she was also the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. She also reveals that she was the one on the phone & had been ringing to offer him free assistance, but he hung up on her. She reveals that she loves him.

PJ11 Resolution – Chooses to be happy. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Deeper Layer

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

I think I learned that my concept doesn’t have a strong deeper layer, so it could be improved upon further.

Surface Layer: Dan wants to be popular to be the fastest at something.

Deeper Layer: But being the fastest at something isn’t necessarily good.

Major Reveal: Mrs. Wagner is God

Influences Surface Story: God knows about Dan’s problems

Hints: Mrs. Wagner gives good advice to Dan as a primary school kid – you don’t have to be the fastest or best at anything, just be the best you that you can be and people will love you for that.

Changes Reality: Dan knows that if he tells anyone about God speaking to him, he will never get out of the psychiatric ward he is in.

Act 1:

• Opening: Dan, Fat Kid watching other kids win races, be popular etc. He overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is.

• Inciting Incident: Kid Loses and is embarrassed at a foot race. Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possible be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

• Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything. As an adult his life is hell and so he…

Act 2:

• New plan: Decides to commit suicide.

• Plan in action: Tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position. Ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he plans to try and OD on pills.

• Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward he tries to OD on pills, but they turn out to be laxettes and on the toilet pan… he sees God.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

• New plan: He tries to get a lobotomy.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They won’t let him do a lobotomy.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla reveals that she was the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist.

• Resolution – Chooses to be happy. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Paul Mahoney.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Character Structure

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned from doing this is that you can always add subplots to characters.

Dan (Protagonist)

Beginning: Dan, a little fat boy, watches Usain Bolt win a race on TV.

Inciting Incident: Little fat boy loses race is embarrassed, is the slowest at everything. His grade 1 teacher tells him you don’t have to be the fastest or best at anything, apart from being the best you, you can be.

Turning Point 1: Prays to God to make him the world’s fastest at something.

Act 2: Dan no an adult realises he is the world’s fastest at something that he doesn’t want to be – ejaculating.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Dan tries to commit suicide, fails and ends up in a psychiatric ward. He meets an attractive sex therapist, but that just makes his problems worse.

Act 3: Dan plans to escape the psychiatric ward, by overdosing.

Turning Point 3: Dan meets God, who resembles is grade 1 teacher.

Act 4 Climax: Dan has a dilemma when his sex therapist reveals she has feelings for him. She is everything that he could ever want.

Resolution: Dan decides now is not the right time to start a relationship, he needs to first work on being the best person he can be. Can I take a raincheck on that offer?

God (Antagonist)

Beginning: There was only God. Inciting Incident: God created earth ages ago.

Turning Point 1: God created Adam & Eve,

Act 2: God is unhappy with humans, sent floods, plagues etc.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: God sends Jesus, but that doesn’t work out 100% either.

Act 3: God decides to become a primary school teacher in order to see if she can teach those dummies something.

Turning Point 3: God finally grants wish to be the world’s fastest at something.

Act 4 Climax: God reveals her true identity to Dan.

Resolution: God finally got someone to listen to her.

Kyla (3rd character)

Beginning: Kyla is a little girl at primary school and can’t get Dan to notice her.

Inciting Incident: Kyla’s parents shift away, and she never sees Dan again, unrequited love.

Turning Point 1: Kyla studies hard and becomes a Sex Therapist.

Act 2: Kyla sees Dan being publicly humilitated on youtube. She reaches out to him, but he thinks she is just another person yanking his chain and he tries to commit suicide.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Kyla recognises Dan when he is admitted to her ward.

Act 3: Kyla’s feelings for Dan intensify, she tells her Psychiatrist, who has a crush on her.

Turning Point 3: Kyla rejects the advances from her Psychiatrist after she learns he has been giving Dan a tape which plays the benefits of a lobotomy & chemical castration.

Act 4 Climax: Kyla confesses her love to Dan.

Resolution: Dan can’t be with Kyla yet, but she understands. Love takes time.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Supporting Characters

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned in this assignment is taking some time to think about other characters that can add value to the script.

Support Actor 1:

Name: Roo Boy Role: <div>

Best Friend of Dan.

<div>

Main purpose: Support for Dan.

Value: Shows

Support Actor 2:

Name: Dr. Jammal </div><div>

Role: Kyla’s psychiatrist.

Main purpose: Provides advice to Kyla

Value: A mirror image of Kyla, as she also has inappropriate feelings for a patient – Kyla.

Support Actor 3:

Name: Jemma</div><div>

Role: Inmate at the psychiatric ward.

Main purpose: Dan convinces her to smuggle her unswallowed prescriptions to him, so he can overdose.

Value: A comedic character who provides some humour with Dan.

Support Actor 4:

Name: Danica</div><div>

Role: Ted’s ex-girlfriend who is also an influencer. She outs him as the world’s worst lover.

Main purpose: Pushes Ted’s buttons, causing him a world of shame.

Value: Causes Ted to try suicide.

Background Character 1:

Name: Mr. Devlin</div><div>

Role: Drama Teacher

Main purpose: Teacher who is actually the devil.

Value: Antagonist to the antagonist Mrs. Wagner

Background Character 2:

Name: Gordon </div><div>

Role: Nurse in the psychiatric ward who keeps his eye on Dan.

Main purpose: Keeps Dan under pressure.

Value: Causes Ted to try suicide a 2^nd time.

Background Character 3:

Name: Scratcher </div><div>

Role: Guy with ring worm.

Main purpose: Comedic.

Value: Comedic.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Other <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Background Characters – Students, Psychiatric Patients, Teachers.

</div></div>

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Character Profiles

My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned during this assignment is that the more time you think about your characters the more options you have for your screenplay.

A. The High Concept.

Dan – Wanted to be the World’s Fastest at something, and unfortunately got what he wished for.

Mrs. Wagner – God disguised as a primary school teacher giving advice to kids.

Kyla – A sex therapist who has a crush on a patient, and in turn her psychiatrist has a crush on her.

B. This Character’s Journey.

Dan – Goes from wishing to be popular and finding a girl to realizing that he first needs to be comfortable with himself.

Mrs. Wagner – Maybe that a primary school teacher might not be the best option for connecting with people.

Klya – That perhaps her chosen profession isn’t the one for her.

C. The Actor Attractors for this Character.

Dan – Has a wide range of emotions. Subtext.

Mrs. Wagner – Subtext as she has a secret identity and gets to play God, secret.

Kyla – Has an interesting relationship with Dan as she has known him primary school. Subtext.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character. Character Subtext: Dan – Character Name: DanSubtext Identity: A guy suffering from premature ejaculation that just wants to be normal again.Subtext Trait: He wants to keep his problem a secret.Subtext Logline: An everyday guy, who has an embarrassing problem he wants to hide, so that he can find true love.Possible Areas of Subtext: Lies to every woman he has met. Makes up excuses for not going to bed with them. Running off to the toilet, so much etc.Character Name: Mrs. Wagner/GodSubtext Identity: God masquerading as a Grade 1 Primary School Teacher. Subtext Trait: Prefers to fly below the radar, by imparting wisdom to children because most adults are too stupid to listen.Subtext Logline: A cranky teacher who is fed up with guys that don’t listen to her.Possible Areas of Subtext: Knows she can change anything just like that.Character Name: KylaSubtext Identity: A sex therapist who seems to have all the answers.Subtext Trait: A sex therapist who seems to have all the answers, but in reality she has her own issues and an requited love for Dan.Subtext Logline: Has a crush on Dan that she’s never been brave enough to act upon.Possible Areas of Subtext: Thinks that if she can keep Dan in the psychiatric ward long enough he might come to having feelings for her.8. Character Intrigue:

Dan – Unspoken wound, deception

Mrs. Wagner – Secret identity

Kyla – Secret crush

9. Flaw:

Dan – Not comfortable with himself or his body.

Mrs. Wagner – Emotional, always thinks she’s right.

Kyla – Has an unrequited love for Dan.

10. Values:

Dan – ?

Mrs. Wagner – Honesty, hard-working,

Kyla – Caring, reliable,

11. Character Dilemma:

Dan – That he will be forever known as the world’s worst lover unless he does something.

Mrs. Wagner – That she’s not sure this disguise is the best method for connecting with people.

Kyla – That she wants to kiss her patient.

1. Add those to your Character Profile from Lesson 6.

Lead Character Name: TED

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Because he gets to play a range of emotions in a comedy.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Desperate, conniving, hidden agenda, secret identities,

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Has multiple identities, tries to commit suicide, tries to escape psychiatric ward by committing suicide

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? As a loveable child losing again and again.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Embarrassed, desperate, confident,

6. What subtext can the actor play? Confident, conniving

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He wants fame, but when he gets it it’s for the worst thing he could possibly imagine. He doesn’t realise that he rejected his true love many years ago and that it isn’t fame that he wants, it’s a meaningful relationship.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He pretends to be confident but in reality he isn’t, he has a history of hiding away, changing his name. He wants to hide away from the rest of the world.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He has a unique relationship with God that he wasn’t even aware of.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

Dan is conniving and convinces an inmate of the psychiatric ward to not swallow their daily meds. He stockpiles a bunch and then tries to commit suicide by overdosing, not realising that the meds the other person had been getting was a laxette.

Lead Character Name:

Role: (Antagonist) Mrs. Wagner – God – initially seen as an Antagonist by our character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

I don’t recall God being played by a female before, so this could be a fun take of God as being overworked, Mother Earth, giving all the answers that the protagonist needs, but he just not recognizing it.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has the power to change everything that can affect our protagonist.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Punishing the protagonist as a child, a punishment that lasts into his adulthood.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

As a mean grumpy teacher who is the protagonist’s nemesis.

What could be this character’s emotional range

Mean, crazy. Logical, rational

What subtext can the actor play?

That when she talks about punishment we initially think it will be a short lived punishment such as making the child to sit on the naughty mat, not giving him a punishiment such as premature ejaculation that will raise its ugly head nearly a decade later.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She can shape shift and can only be seen by the protagonist. She also knows everyone’s secrets.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Fed up, overworked, menopausal mother-earth type.

What could make this character special and unique?

Could also perhaps show this character to be shown as she also has a mental illness?

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name:

Role: (Protagonist Allie) Kyla – Sex Therapist

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A sex therapist with her own sexual hang ups. Is attracted to a patient, which is a big no-no resulting in a lot of ethical dilemmas.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has a thing for chubby guys, not tall dark and handsome.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Try to keep Dan in the ward, just so she can keep seeing him and treating him. Keeping her past a secret.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Getting turned on watching Dan cry?

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Calm, cool, needy, sexually repressed.

What subtext can the actor play?

She was Dan’s childhood friend and had always secretly loved him, but never had the nerve to tell him.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She has an ethical dilemma and when she tells her psychiatrist, he in turn professes his love for her and freaks her out.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Not sure?

What could make this character special and unique?

Irony of a sex therapist with her own sexual hang-ups and is infatuated with a patient, yet her psychiatrist is infatuated with her.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Actor Attractor

My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned from this assignment is that I can still keep making improvements.

Title: Sexless in Sydney (Comedy)

Lead Character Name: TED

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Because he gets to play a range of emotions in a comedy.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Desperate, conniving, hidden agenda, secret identities,

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Has multiple identities, tries to commit suicide, tries to escape psychiatric ward by committing suicide

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? As a loveable child losing again and again.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Embarrassed, desperate, confident,

6. What subtext can the actor play? Confident, conniving

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He wants fame, but when he gets it it’s for the worst thing he could possibly imagine. He doesn’t realise that he rejected his true love many years ago and that it isn’t fame that he wants, it’s a meaningful relationship.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He pretends to be confident but in reality he isn’t, he has a history of hiding away, changing his name. He wants to hide away from the rest of the world.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He has a unique relationship with God that he wasn’t even aware of.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

Dan is conniving and convinces an inmate of the psychiatric ward to not swallow their daily meds. He stockpiles a bunch and then tries to commit suicide by overdosing, not realising that the meds the other person had been getting was a laxette.

Role: (Antagonist) Mrs. Wagner – God – initially seen as an Antagonist by our character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

I don’t recall God being played by a female before, so this could be a fun take of God as being overworked, Mother Earth, giving all the answers that the protagonist needs, but he just not recognizing it.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has the power to change everything that can affect our protagonist.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Punishing the protagonist as a child, a punishment that lasts into his adulthood.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

As a mean grumpy teacher who is the protagonist’s nemesis.

What could be this character’s emotional range

Mean, crazy. Logical, rational

What subtext can the actor play?

That when she talks about punishment we initially think it will be a short lived punishment such as making the child to sit on the naughty mat, not giving him a punishiment such as premature ejaculation that will raise its ugly head nearly a decade later.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She can shape shift and can only be seen by the protagonist. She also knows everyone’s secrets.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Fed up, overworked, menopausal mother-earth type.

What could make this character special and unique?

Could also perhaps show this character to be shown as she also has a mental illness?

Role: (Protagonist Allie) Kyla – Sex Therapist

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A sex therapist with her own sexual hang ups. Is attracted to a patient, which is a big no-no resulting in a lot of ethical dilemmas.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has a thing for chubby guys, not tall dark and handsome.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Try to keep Dan in the ward, just so she can keep seeing him and treating him. Keeping her past a secret.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Getting turned on watching Dan cry?

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Calm, cool, needy, sexually repressed.

What subtext can the actor play?

She was Dan’s childhood friend and had always secretly loved him, but never had the nerve to tell him.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She has an ethical dilemma and when she tells her psychiatrist, he in turn professes his love for her and freaks her out.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Not sure?

What could make this character special and unique?

Irony of a sex therapist with her own sexual hang-ups and is infatuated with a patient, yet her psychiatrist is infatuated with her.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Likeability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment was more about my characters and possible plot/sub-plot lines.

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these: Dan

Likability: As a young kid, Dan is the slowest, worst at everything.<div>

Relatability: We’ve all been bad at something.

Empathy: He fails and fails badly at a running race.

Likability: He just wants to be liked, to have girls like him.

Relatability: We all want to fit in.

Empathy: He doesn’t fit in, not at primary school, not even into his clothes that are a size or two too small.

Likability: Prays to God to make his life better.

Relatability: Many of us have done this.

Empathy: He is miserable or perhaps he has faith.

Likability: As a teenager, Dan wants to get with other girls.

Relatability: Many people have had their ‘first time’ go wrong.

Empathy: Dan blows it. Then keeps on blowing any chance he has for finding love.

Likability: Is publicly shamed when he is outed as the world’s worst lover.

Relatability: Nobody wants to be publicly embarrassed.

Empathy: Nobody likes being the butt of cruel jokes or comments.

<div>

3. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these: Mrs. Wagner

Likability: Trying to guide youngsters.</div><div>

Relatability: Gets frustrated with kids that don’t listen.

Empathy: We’ve all been frustrated with kids that don’t listen.

Likability: Tries to tell Dan being the fastest isn’t the be all and end all – why don’t you just try to be the best Dan Valentine you can be?

Relatability: She tries Empathy: She genuinely tries to help others.

Likability: We later reveal that she is God.

Relatability: Don’t we all wish we could be God sometimes?

Empathy: It’s a lot harder than it looks.

Likability: Frustrated by idiots who won’t listen to her.

Relatability: We can relate to that.

Empathy: It’s a thankless job.

3B. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these: Kyla

Likability: As a kid, she has a crush on young Dan.

Relatability: We’ve all had a crush on someone who didn’t notice us.

Empathy: Dan doesn’t return her affections.

Likability: She gets to meet her true love again, but has mixed feelings due to her role.

Relatability: Some of us have been in ethically challenging situations.

Empathy: Should she quit her job or keep it a secret?

Likability: She tells her psychiatrist her dilemma. Gets hit on when she didn’t expect it.

Relatability: We’ve all had someone fall for us that we felt uncomfortable being around. Empathy: The psychiatrist blackmails her to go out with him and now she has another dilemma.

Likability: She tells Dan the truth.

Relatability: We know deep down that honesty is the best policy.

Empathy: He rejects her again, but offers her some hope.

</div></div>

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Character Intrigue

My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment was more about some of my characters.

Character Name: Ted

Role: Protagonist

Hidden agendas: Wants to keep his sex life secret, then when he is outed he wants to keep his suicide attempt secret.

Competition: Initially wants to be the world’s fastest at something, because he thinks that will make him popular with the girls. Wanting to find out off anyone he can how to stop being a premature ejaculator.

Conspiracies: Ted convinces another patient not to swallow their pills, the other patient keeps secret that the pills they take are a laxative.

Secrets: His sex life, his plan to kill himself.

Deception: That he is happy.Unspoken

Wound: That he has always felt like a failure.

Secret Identity: That he is the guy on youtube everyone is raving about.

Character Name: Mrs. Wagner

Role: Primary School Teacher

Hidden agendas: She sometimes likes fucking people up.

Competition: The Devil is the another teacher at school – the Sports Coach or maybe Drama teacher.

Conspiracies: Has bet with the Devil re: Dan’s soul.

Secrets: That she can change people’s destiny just like that.

Deception: Convinces others she is a teacher.Unspoken Wound: People don’t listen to her no matter what she does – plagues, floods, turning people into salt. None of it works.

Secret Identity: That she is secretly God.

Character Name: Kyla

Role: Sex Therapist

Hidden agendas: Planning to keep Dan in the psychiatric ward, even though he should be free to go.

Competition: Worried about others getting close to Dan.

Conspiracies: Lets her psychiatrist know what she is up to.

Secrets: She is the primary school girl who has always been in love with Dan.

Deception: Pretends she doesn’t know him or went to his school.

Unspoken Wound: Dan never responded to her valentine’s card.

Secret Identity: Dan’s first true love.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Subtext Characters

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is to lean more heavily into subtext.

For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

Character Name: Dan

Subtext Identity: A guy suffering from premature ejaculation that just wants to be normal again.

Subtext Trait: He wants to keep his problem a secret.Subtext

Logline: An everyday guy, who has an embarrassing problem he wants to hide, so that he can find true love.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Lies to every woman he has met. Makes up excuses for not going to bed with them. Running off to the toilet, so much etc.

Character Name: Mrs. Wagner/God

Subtext Identity: God masquerading as a Grade 1 Primary School Teacher.

Subtext Trait: Prefers to fly below the radar, by imparting wisdom to children because most adults are too stupid to listen.

Subtext Logline: A cranky teacher who is fed up with guys that don’t listen to her.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Knows she can change anything just like that.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Actor attractors!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that even if you don’t have all the answers that shouldn’t stop you from progressing.

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

Lead Character Name:

Role: (Antagonist) Mrs. Wagner – God – initially seen as an Antagonist by our character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

I don’t recall God being played by a female before, so this could be a fun take of God as being overworked, Mother Earth, giving all the answers that the protagonist needs, but he just not recognizing it.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has the power to change everything that can affect our protagonist.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Punishing the protagonist as a child, a punishment that lasts into his adulthood.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

As a mean grumpy teacher who is the protagonist’s nemesis.

What could be this character’s emotional range

Mean, crazy. Logical, rational

What subtext can the actor play?

That when she talks about punishment we initially think it will be a short lived punishment such as making the child to sit on the naughty mat, not giving him a punishiment such as premature ejaculation that will raise its ugly head nearly a decade later.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She can shape shift and can only be seen by the protagonist. She also knows everyone’s secrets.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Fed up, overworked, menopausal mother-earth type.

What could make this character special and unique?

Could also perhaps show this character to be shown as she also has a mental illness?

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name:

Role: (Protagonist Allie) Kyla – Sex Therapist

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A sex therapist with her own sexual hang ups. Is attracted to a patient, which is a big no-no.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She has a thing for chubby guys, not tall dark and handsome.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Try to keep Dan in the ward, just so she can keep seeing him and treating him. Keeping her past a secret.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Getting turned on watching Dan cry?

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Calm, cool, needy, sexually repressed.

What subtext can the actor play?

She was Dan’s childhood friend and had always secretly loved him, but never had the nerve to tell him.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She has an ethical dilemma and when she tells her psychiatrist, he in turn professes his love for her and freaks her out.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Not sure?

What could make this character special and unique?

Irony of a sex therapist with her own sexual hang-ups and is infatuated with a patient, yet her psychiatrist is infatuated with her.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Actor attractors for There’s Something About Mary

Movie Title: There’s Something About Mary (Comedy)

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is the more range you give actors the more they are attracted.

Lead Character Name: Ted

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Because this role had many funny laugh out loud moments, that were memorable. It also showed Ted as being a loveable guy.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Because Ted is a loveable guy, who is so pure of heart, clueless and luckless. He has others take advantage against him, yet he keeps on trying. Sometimes it gets him closer to his goal, but not always.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Gets mistaken for masturbating in his date’s bathroom, gets his scrotum stuck in his zipper, hires a private detective to find the girl he loved years ago, almost gets killed by a hitchhiker, then gets arrested at a gay haunt and is suspected of being a serial murderer, has a fight with a dog that latches onto his groin. When he finally does meet Mary again, he gives her away to Brett Favre.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He’s introduced as a gawky teenager and that none of his friends can believe that he will get Mary to go to the prom with him.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Ted goes from glee to embarrassment, frustration, clueless, misery, deep sorrowful pain and joy.

6. What subtext can the actor play? That he’s happy for Mary in her new life, even though deep down he knows that living without her will make him very miserable. He knows his life is incomplete without Mary.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He doesn’t realise that his best friend Woogie is the reason why the girl of his dreams shifted away. He is also unaware that the Private Investigator he hired has been lying to him as well.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Ted is pure of heart and thought. He remains clueless that the hitchhiker he picked up is serial killer, that his best friend Woogie is a stalker that drove his girl Mary out of town, and that the detective he hired has been lying to him. He also has a great relationship with Mary’s brother Warren.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Ted’s a loveable loser that has some truly embarrassing moments such as his zipper mishap, getting arrested outside a toilet,

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) Ted goes to pick up Mary for the prom, only to find out that her dad is black and he loves messing with Mary. When Ted goes to the bathroom to urinate he gazes at some birds, but when he sees Mary and his mother they think he is perving at her and masturbating. He quickly does his zipper up resulting in him catching his scrotum. Much to his major embarrassment nearly everyone gets a good look see at the problem and his prom night ends when he is carted away in an Ambulance as Warren yells, “He was masturbating.”

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Genre Conventions

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is that even with a weak outline you can always build on it by brainstorming and improve it.

2. Tell us the following:

Title: Sexless in Sydney

Concept: A young boy’s wish to be the world’s fastest at something is granted years later and to his horror he’s destined to be the world’s fastest ejaculator.

Genre: Comedy

3. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:

Comedy – Purpose laugh, forget your worries or maybe relate to another’s predicament.

Loveable hero with flaws, goofball, underdog who might be a fish out of water. Boy tries to get the girl.

4. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure.

5. List your structure from Lesson 6 along with the improvements that come from the Genre Conventions, like I did above.

Act 1:

Opening: Fat Kid watching other kids win races, be popular etc. He tries to be the best at some things as well, but embarrasses himself.Inciting Incident: Kid enters a foot race, falls over at the start line, gets up, races again. We see his teacher, Mrs. Wagner.Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything. Cut to him as an adult unable to please his girlfriend because he is over before she even starts. Complains to his friend that he wanted to be world famous like Usain Bolt. He buys a lotto ticket. He’s never gonna be famous for anything… Then he sees his ex has posted online that he is the world’s worst lover. Friend – Looks like you got your wish.

Act 2:

New plan: Decides to commit suicide.Plan in action: Tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out. Ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is he decides to OD on pills. He does a swap with another guy who he thinks is on stronger medication. He meets with his Therapist and connects well with her.Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward he tries to OD on pills, but then learns the other guy’s medication was powerful laxative. He races to the toilet, slips over and knocks himself unconscious. He sees God.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Dan thinks he is going crazy, because no one else can see God. They want to put him on heavier medication. He realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks. He learns that he won the lotto! Now his ex-girlfriend wants him back. Therapist tries to warn Dan about his girlfriend, but he won’t listen to it.New plan: Dan tries to get a lobotomy.Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They won’t do a lobotomy on him, something about not causing more brain damage on him. Girlfriend says it’s worth the risk. You could be a vegetable, but at least that’s more use than what you are now.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. He learns that the ex was only trying to get back with him to share the lotto win and because she was offered a reality TV program of being married to the world’s worst lover. Therapist has issues because she knows she could lose her job/profession if she starts to have a relationship with a patient.Resolution – Dan gives his ex-girlfriend the flick. Audience expects him and Kyla to get together, but he chooses to be happy. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand?

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s 4 Act Transformation Structure

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is writing something, anything can help move things along. I definitely don’t know what will occur when, but I know that I have to layer in the sub-plots of the relationships with his Ex and also his therapist.

Concept: God grants a young boy his wish to be the world’s fastest at something, unfortunately for him he is destined to be the world’s fastest ejaculator.

Major story hook: When a young boy gets what he wished for it turns his life into a nightmare and he wants to kill himself.

Main Conflict: Getting Dan to look past what others have or don’t have and to focus on his inner self to find true happiness.

Old Ways: Depending on God (others) for making his life better, unconfident, scared of women and relationships, embarrassed.

New Ways: Knows his happiness depends on himself, confident, not scared of anything, proud

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: Fat Kid watching other kids win races, be popular etc.Inciting Incident: Kid Loses and is embarrassed at a foot race.Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything. As an adult his life is hell and so he…

Act 2:

New plan: Decides to commit suicide.Plan in action: Tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out. Ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is he decides to try and OD on pills.Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward he tries to OD on pills and then… he sees God.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.New plan: He tries to get a lobotomy.Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They won’t let him do a lobotomy.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist.Resolution – Chooses to be happy. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand?

4. Once you have created the 4-Act Structure for your Protagonist, go back over it to see if there is any big picture points you need to add.

Yes, need to add in the subplots with the ex, therapist, best friend and landlord.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Subtext Plot

Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this is a helpful technique for layering in sub-plots and giving me possible tangents to explore.

2. Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots.

LayeringSomeone Hides Who They Are – I think that perhaps God could be one of Dan’s primary school teachers.

Superior Position – Only Dan can see God.

A Major Cover Up – To get out of the psychiatric ward Dan has to hide the fact that he has been talking to God.

Competitive Agendas – Between Dan’s ex who drove him to suicided by publicly shaming him, who has discovered he won on his lottery numbers and his sex therapist Kyla.

3. Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

When Dan is in the psychiatric ward, he meets someone who he vaguely remembers – Mrs. Wagner – his primary school teacher. Unaware of why she is there, she reveals her true identity. The problem is Dan is the only one that can see her, and he has to keep this a secret otherwise he won’t be released from the psychiatric ward. Meanwhile his therapist and Dan’s ex have competing agendas.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Transformational Journey

My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good steady income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I still get a bit confused with Internal and External journey, but I’m getting better at it. Internal relates to how they feel, whereas external is what the world sees.

2. Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist:

Arc Beginning: Dan wanting to end his life.

Arc Ending: Dan celebrating his life and trying to get the most out of it.

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.

Internal Journey: From miserable and unconfident, to confidant and happy.

External Journey: From not having a relationship, to finding the one.

4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.

Old Ways: Depending on God (others) for making his life better, unconfident, scared of women and relationships, embarrassed.

New Ways: Knows his happiness depends on himself, confident, not scared of anything, proud

[Paul Mahoney]

PAUL’S INTENTIONAL LEAD CHARACTERS

My vision is to be a successful full-time writer with a good income, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned was that this enabled me to see options that I had not previously thought of for my main characters.

Dan – Is a sexually frustrated psychiatrist who suffers from premature ejaculation and tries to commit suicide.

Unique – A suicidal psychiatrist who has severe depression is not something I’ve seen before.

God – Can take any form and has the ability to shape Dan’s present and future.

Unique – God is probably going to be a diverse female character instead of an old white guy or Morgan Freeman that we normally see.

Kyla – Kyla is a sex therapist who helps to treat Dan and discuss his problems, she secretly has feelings for Dan but knows she can’t act upon them for ethical reasons.

Unique – A sex therapist having to seek assistance because she has feelings for one of her patients.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Paul Mahoney.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Title, Concept and Character Structure!

Vision: My vision for this program is to become a successful writer who writes full time. I am going to achieve a successful writing career that enables me to constantly learn and brings myself and Solange joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration, awards, a very good income & an attitude of gratitude.

What I learned was doing this assignment gave me another way to look at my feature comedy project.

Title: Sexless in Sydney

Concept: A guy’s childhood wish to become the world’s fastest at something becomes a curse when he becomes the world’s fasted ejaculator and he struggles to find a cure.

Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist

[Paul Mahoney]

Hi all,

My name is Paul Mahoney. I love writing features approx. 20, one tv pilot and approx. 10 shorts. In March, I had a drama feature get a cinema release in Australia. Comedy is my favourite genre. Like many of you I am trying to constantly improve my skills and scripts. I’m also interested in writing a book, so it seems that I’m fortunate enough to have a few experience novelists here.

Possibly something unique is that when was younger I learned how to artificially inseminate cows and this year I’ve been named a global ambassador for dementia international.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Paul Mahoney.

[Paul Mahoney]

I, Paul Mahoney agree to the following confidentiality agreement:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Paul Mahoney]

What I learned was that giving a summation makes you more aware of who your main character is and the turning points.

LOGLINE: A prospective bride receives a death threat on her wedding day from her father. She struggles to work through issues from their past to determine if she can forgive him or not.

SYNOPSIS: When Patricia gets a death threat on her wedding day, she is advised to call the wedding off. As she contemplates her options, Patricia looks into her mother Pearl’s eyes, and we are taken back into time to where…

Pearl meets Jesse, a young man, at her church. He has an eye for the ladies, who woos her when he not only shows interest in her, but is also kind to her mother, Maude, who has mental health issues and talks to a wall clock.

Jesse marries Pearl. He is often away, works hard, and they raise a family, including Patricia, the youngest. Life is not perfect, but it’s good until…

Patricia follows Jesse and finds out that he is secretly raising another family, and she has step-siblings! She even finds him with yet another woman at a shopping mall, and when she approaches him, he denies he even knows her!

At home, Jesse threatens Patricia not to say anything. Knowing she and Pearl are in danger, Patricia keeps her dark secret. Waiting, hoping that one day she can fly this coop and escape to college. But when the day comes, she has other worries…

Pearl is forgetful, showing signs of early-onset dementia. After graduating, Patricia marries Blake, but Pearl is no longer the mum she once had. Jesse is not concerned she is losing weight. Jesse hates God and takes an instant dislike to Blake because he is a Pastor.

With her mother’s health deteriorating, Patricia feels her faith is being tested. With no other options, Patricia spirits Pearl away to care for her. This incurs the wrath of Jesse, who threatens her and Blake.

Years after Pearl has passed away, Patricia still feels the raw wounds of her father’s emotional neglect and verbal abuse. She contacts Jesse on Christmas Eve. He is now alone, and even though it’s the hardest thing she has ever done, Patricia digs deep and finds it in her heart to forgive him.

[Paul Mahoney]

1. Name? Paul Mahoney

2. How many scripts you’ve written? I think 15+ features, but I don’t really count.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Being open to learning new techniques to add to my toolbox and improving my skills.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’ve artificially inseminated cows and have also received an award for helping to save an elderly lady’s life.

[Paul Mahoney]

Hi All,

My name is Paul Mahoney.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Three Gradientsl

What I learned was heaps. The emotional gradient is great a useful tool to know and I think that I’ll apply it to other scripts that I work on.

What is the Emotional Gradient you’ll use?

Forced change consisting of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

For each emotion of that gradient, tell us the following: A. Emotion: B. Action: C. Challenge / Weakness: A. Emotion: B. Action: C. Challenge / Weakness: A. Emotion: B. Action: C. Challenge / Weakness: Etc..

Denial – A) Emotion – Sue initially doesn’t think Martin’s sick and that he is joking. B) Action – Sue realizes he is not joking and calls the ambulance C) Challenge – Sue tries to keep Martin alive.

Anger – A) Emotion – Sue getting angry with the woman at birth/death registry. B) Action – Sue venting how inappropriate the worker was. C) Challenge – Overcoming the hurt of her son’s loss by turning the negative situation of losing her son into a positive one by promoting organ donation.

Bargaining – A) Emotion – Sue doesn’t want to say goodbye to Martin. B) Action – Sue wants to spend a few final moments with Martin before he is taken away and she has to be forcefully taken away. C) Challenge – Sue has to go home and deal with Martin’s empty bedroom, his funeral.

Depression – A) Emotion – Sue gets upset when she sees other boys that remind her of Martin. B) Action – Sue and Nigel drift apart as they both come to terms with the grief of losing a son in different ways. C) Challenge – For Sue to mend not just herself, but her whole family. She makes a decision on what to do with Martin’s clothes and bedroom.

Acceptance – A) Emotion – B) Action – Sue decides to travel to meet the other boy who received Martin’s heart. C) Challenge – Sue asks the other boy if she could put her hand on his heart to feel Martin’s heartbeat once more.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Lead Characters

What I learned doing this assignment was that I don’t think my script meets 100% with these assignment, but it could.

1) Tell us your transformational journey logline.

A woman who loses her son makes the journey to meet the boy who received her heart’s son.

2) Tell us who you think might be your Change Agent and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role. Also, include: – Their vision: – Their past experience that fits that vision:

I’m guessing the change agent could be the 2<sup style=”font-family: inherit;”>nd</sup> mother – Linda – who tracks down the first mother and makes contact with her. Linda’s vision is to express her gratitude to Sue and this forces Sue to take steps she never thought she would and meet with the boy who received her son’s heart.

3) Tell us who you think might be your Transformable Character(s) and give a few sentences about how that character or characters fit the role.

I’m guessing there are many transformable characters in my script, but the one who changes the most is Marc as he goes from being healthy to being on the verge of death and receiving a new heart.

4) Tell us who or what you think might be The Oppression and give a few sentences about how The Oppression works in your story.

I think that not being able to save her son’s life is the Oppression.

5) Tell us who you think might be your Betraying Character and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role.

This is difficult for me to identify, but perhaps it could be a Medical Worker who doesn’t allow the families direct contact, even though both of them had asked for it.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m not sure if my protagonist has an issue at the start of the script.

1) Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.

After her son is declared brain dead, a grieving mother donates his organs, never expecting that one day she would feel her own son’s heartbeat inside the chest of another boy.

2) Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.

Old ways – Sue is comfortable with her life, and family, happy for life to continue as is as it is relatively stable and anonymous.

3) Tell us what you see as the New Ways.

Sue has now become a spokesperson for organ donation to raise awareness of it and promote discussion within the community. Her decisions have given some total strangers the greatest gift they could ever have hoped for – a 2^nd chance at a normal life.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s First Three Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are several entertainment vehicles that can be used to tell any profound story.

1) What is your profound truth?

You can save someone’s life by donating your organs.

2) What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?

The change for the audience would be to consider organ donation and discuss your wishes with your family/next of kin, so that they are aware of your wishes.

3) What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?

The As-It Happened Conflict by adapting a true story novel into a script.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Analysis of Groundhog Day

What I learned about this movie is that profound journeys can take you to a new world, that may or may not exist in real life.

1) What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

That Phil grows to love the town and all the inhabitants of Punxsutoawney, and in doing so he also earns Rita’s love.

2) Lead characters:Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?What is the Oppression?

I think Rita is the change agent because Phil wants to get her into bed, but he can only do that by becoming a better, more well-rounded person.

Phil is the transformable character who goes from being a selfish dick, to becoming a thoughtful guy.

The oppression is that this day will never end, unless Phil can earn Rita’s love

3) How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?

I think we are lured into it as Phil is a funny character placed in a quirky town and it’s fun for us to learn how he will cope with each new day. It might make us think what would I do if I were in that situation?

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4) Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

Phil goes from being a selfish dick, to becoming a thoughtful guy who buys things for others and treats them with respect. He also learns new skills such as playing the piano.

5) What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

The gradient of change is slow as Phil has to repeat the same day and learn from his mistakes over and over. Phil tried a variety of combinations such as bedding other women, learning about people in the town, how to be thoughtful and new skills such as piano playing.

6) How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

The old way is challenged as Phil can’t get out of town. He can’t start a new day until he does everything right.

7) What are the most profound moments of the movie?

Phil trying to help others/save lives. Phil falling in love with the town and the people and in so doing becoming a better person himself.

8) What are the most profound lines of the movie?

Maybe they’re not all profound, but here are some that appealed to me:

– I’m a God.

– It’s still just once a year, isn’t it?

– Sometimes people just die. Not today.

– I’m not going to live by their rules anymore.

– Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.

– I’m going to give you a prediction about this winter. It’s going to be cold, it’s going to be dark and it’s going to last you for the rest of your lives.

– Standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

9) How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

That the song on the alarm finally changes after he wakes up to find Rita still in bed with him.

10) What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

Maybe doing good allows you to move on with your life.

[Paul Mahoney]

I learned is that what some people consider is Profound, might not be profound for someone else, and that profound could be in a variety of genres such as comedy, drama, sci-fi and action.

[Paul Mahoney]

I Paul Mahoney agree to the Group Release Form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “THE PROFOUND SCREENPLAY”

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences,

communications, lessons, and models of the MSC confidential, and that I

will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting

online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any

other way that would make those processes, teleconferences,

communications, lessons, and models of the MSC available to anyone

who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the
sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted
by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not

share this information with anyone without the express written permission

of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with

anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another
group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof
that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems
them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either
party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the
class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as
another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are
the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will
not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

[Paul Mahoney]

Hi All,

My name is Paul and I’ve written approx. 12+ feature scripts. Something different about me is that I once stood in front of a Police Officer who had his gun drawn in order to stop him having a clear shot at a relative who was mentally unwell and not responding to police directions. I was able to de-escalate the situation and get the person to do as the police had instructed. I hope to learn more techniques that can help to elevate scripts and make the characters connect with readers.

Cheers,

Paul

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

4 – What I learned is that this method is a useful technique to use.

1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3.

Key scene 2 is when Patricia follows her father Jesse and finds a family secret. Although, Patricia is successful in her quest, what she finds out devastates her.

Key scene 3 is when Patricia armed with the above knowledge doesn’t know what to do with it – should she use it or not?

2. Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.

EXT. HOUSING BLOCK – MORNING

Patricia is unsure where Jesse went. She nervously peers around one corner, can’t see him.

A door of a flat opens behind her, a deep voice asks her.

MAN

You lost?

PATRICIA

Uh, know, I was just, um… Waiting for um, a friend.

MAN

Then go to their place instead of hanging around here.

Patricia moves on, wary that with each step she might be discovered by her dad.

As she proceeds she hears the familiar sound of her dad, he’s happy, singing.

JESSE

You give me fever.

It’s coming from a unit that has the front door open.

From a safe distance, Patricia peers inside and sees a boy her age get a hug from Jesse.

JESSE

How’s my boy?

The boy flexes his biceps.

FLOYD

Nearly as big and as strong as you, Daddy.

Patricia’s shocked, she backs away from the unit. Then runs past the van, crying.

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Patricia wanders the streets, teary-eyed.

3. Write Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…

INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia enters to see Jade on the sofa watching a TV show.

PATRICIA

Where’s Mom?

JADE

Next door. Where you been?

Patricia sits beside her and takes a moment before she’s brave enough to ask.

PATRICIA

Jade, what would you say if I told you Dad was cheating on Mom?

JADE

Do you wanna be homeless?

PATRICIA

What?

JADE

You heard me. What do you think’s gonna happen if you tell Mom? You’re either gonna embarrass her, or she’s gonna get into a big fight with Dad. Then what? If she’s lucky, she gets a busted lip, and Dad stops paying the bills. And when that happens? You better find a good park bench, ‘cause there’s no way we can afford this place on what Mom makes.

Jade grabs Patricia’s shirt and pulls her in close.

JADE

Whatever you heard or saw, or think you know. Forget it!

Jade shoves her away as she exits the room. Patricia realizes the dilemma she’s in.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1

What I learned is that maybe I chose the wrong turning point for Act 1. But that’s ok, it’s all a learning process. I’m sure the next script that I go to write with this process will be that little bit easier.

Outline – Patricia’s reaction to her father denying she is his daughter is to hatch a plan that will enable her to follow him and discover the truth.

INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAWN

Patricia wakes up early. Determination on her face, she gets out of bed, gets dressed, then raids her piggy bank.

INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Patricia finishes eating her cereal as Pearl enters.

PEARL

You’re up early.

PATRICIA

Going to the park to exercise.

PEARL

Well, make sure you’re not late for school.

PATRICIA

I won’t, Mama.

Patricia rinses her bowl, gives Pearl a kiss, and exits.\

EXT. PEARL’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Patricia smiles as she stares at the car keys in her hand, then runs.

INT. LOCKSMITH – MORNING

A crotchety LOCKSMITH, 60’s, cuts a key as Patricia waits impatiently.

PATRICIA

Can you hurry it up, please?

LOCKSMITH

You want this freaking key to work?

PATRICIA

Yes.

LOCKSMITH

Then shut your mouth.

Patricia gets the hint, watches in silence as the Locksmith compares the two keys he has, then makes a final adjustment.

LOCKSMITH

That’ll be ten dollars.

Patricia shoves notes in his hand, takes the keys, and runs.

PATRICIA

Thanks!

She yells as she exits the shop.

LOCKSMITH

Damn kids, always in a hurry.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Finished Act 1

What I learned is that although I am using this course to finish a script that I had already started, I am enjoying it and the techniques that I have used. Will definitely use them again on my next new screenplay.

Rather than post the entire Act 1 – I’ve just posted the end two scenes.

INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Patricia dries the dishes as Jesse enters. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on at the mall.

PATRICIA

Hi, Daddy.

JESSE

Hey, Patty Wagon.

He gives her a kiss and checks what’s in the fridge. Takes some salami from it and cuts off a piece using a knife.

PATRICIA

I thought I saw you at the mall today.

JESSE

Oh, yeah, naw, I wasn’t at no mall.

PATRICIA

But, Daddy, he had on your clothes and everything.

Jesse’s face reddens. He cuts another piece of salami, puts the remainder of it back in the fridge, does all he can to not slam the fridge door shut.

He turns to Patricia and points the knife at her as he talks in a low voice, so no-one else can hear it.

JESSE

Let me make myself clear. You didn’t see me at no damn mall, and don’t bring it back up again. Do I make myself clear?

Patricia’s eyes focus on the knife only inches from her throat, then up to her father’s wild eyes.

PATRICIA

Yeah.

Patricia exits the kitchen.

INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Patricia enters and slumps onto her bed, crying.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s turning point.

What I learned during this assignment is that great films have great turning points.

1. Outline your Act 1 Turning Point.

Patricia is in a bridal gown getting ready to be married. She gets a text, reads it, it’s a death threat! But she decides to go ahead with the wedding anyway.

2. Write your Act 1 Turning Point.

INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl watches as bridesmaids huddle around Patricia and talk in hushed tones to her, so Pearl can’t hear.

JADE

You have to call it off!

BRIDESMAID 1

Ring the police.

Patricia shakes her head no.

JADE

If you don’t call them, I will.

Jade whips out her phone, and Patricia wrestles it from her.

PATRICIA

No! I said, No!

JADE

Why not?

PATRICIA

You know why! I don’t ask much from you, but I’m asking you this. Don’t ruin this for me.

BRIDESMAID 1

What sort of sick bastard threatens to kill a bride on her wedding day.

JADE

Shut up!

BRIDESMAID 1

No, you shut your cakehole!

PATRICIA

Quit it, both of you! I need time to process this.

BRIDESMAID 1

I’m glad I’m not related to him.

Patricia looks over to Pearl. Lost in her own memories. Jade sidles up to Patricia and Patricia murmurs to her.

PATRICIA

You think I should tell her?

JADE

Do you reckon she’d understand?

BRIDESMAID 1

My pop had dementia, and he–

JADE

–Just call it off.

PATRICIA

And let him win!?

JADE

Would you rather be dead?

Patricia sighs.

BRIDESMAID 1

How did this even come to this?

Patricia reflects, makes eye contact with Pearl. There’s a glimmer of hope in Pearl’s eyes. Pearl blinks, then opens them, and for Pearl, it’s no longer 2015. It’s…

SUPER: 1965

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Inciting Incident.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can use these techniques to help me finish this script that I have been working way too long on.

1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.

Key scenes for act 1 include:

A) Patricia getting the text threat from her father.

B) Her father Jesse’s reaction.

C) Pearl remembers back to when she first met Jesse.

2. Write your Inciting Incident scene. (This is also my opening scene).

INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Flowers fill the room as PATRICIA, 28, dressed in a delicate bridal gown, carefully applies some lipstick.

A bustle of activity surrounds her as BRIDESMAIDS chatter, compare outfits, and hug each other.

PEARL, 60’s, is the odd one out and the only one that sits. She wears a blouse with an ANTIQUE BROOCH that contains the image of a lady.

Pearl watches with pride as her daughter Patricia prepares for her big day. She cries tears of joy.

PATRICIA

You good, Momma?

Pearl nods as a phone on a table near Patricia vibrates.

Patricia picks it up. Stares at the screen in disbelief.

JADE, 36, her sister, feisty and always ready to speak her mind, notices Patricia’s reaction.

JADE

What’s wrong, Sis?

Speechless, Patricia hands the phone to Jade, who reads the text.

JADE

Oh, my God. He wouldn’t! Would he?

PATRICIA

I will never ever forgive him for this! He is… He is unbelievable!

3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.

INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

A MAN’S HAND opens a gun cabinet. Takes out a rifle. Loads and cocks it – ready for business.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s Act 1: Opening Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is that even if the antagonist isn’t seen in the opening scene you can imply that they’re there, or having some effect on it.

INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Flowers fill the room as PATRICIA, 28, dressed in a delicate bridal gown, carefully applies some lipstick.

A bustle of activity surrounds her as BRIDESMAIDS chatter, compare outfits, and hug each other.

PEARL, 60’s, is the odd one out and the only one that sits. She wears a blouse with an ANTIQUE BROOCH that contains the image of a lady.

Pearl watches with pride as her daughter Patricia prepares for her big day. She cries tears of joy.

PATRICIA

You good, Momma?

Pearl nods as a phone on a table near Patricia vibrates.

Patricia picks it up. Stares at the screen in disbelief.

JADE, 36, her sister, feisty and always ready to speak her mind, notices Patricia’s reaction.

JADE

What’s wrong, Sis?

Speechless, Patricia hands the phone to Jade, who reads the text.

JADE

Oh, my God. He wouldn’t! Would he?

PATRICIA

I will never forgive him!

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s High-Speed Beat Sheet – Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment was that you can always see ways to improve the role for the antagonist.

ACT 1

1 EXT. PHILADELPHIA SKYLINE – DAY 1

Establish where we are and that it is spring.

2 EXT. CAMPUS LANE – DAY

Establish house – creep towards window to see

3 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia is in a bridal gown being fussed over by her bridal party as her mother Pearl watches

INCITING INCIDENT – Patricia gets a text – Marry him and I’ll kill you.

Patricia looks to her mother’s Pearl who is lost in thought, remembers…

4 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl is a young woman – being woo’d by Jesse.

5 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia reveals that the text is from her father – Jesse.

6 EXT. SOUTH CANTERBURY ROAD – DAY

A house with a beat-up old car in a garage.

7 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jesse’s hand opens a gun cabinet. Takes out a rifle.

8 EXT. FIXIT ROAD – DAY

A car races through a red light, picks up speed.

9 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY 3

Bridal party want Patricia to postpone the wedding, but Patricia is determined to go ahead with it. – Pearl thinks back in time to…

10 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl singing solo in the church choir. Jesse watches her fascinated.

11 EXT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Jesse asks Pearl out for a date, but she’s hesitant. Agrees only if he can keep a secret. She…

12 INT. MAUDE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Introduces Jesse to her mother Maude, who has a severe mental illness and talks to a wall clock.

13 EXT. MAUDE’S FRONT DOOR – DAY

Pearl is intrigued by Jesse, because he was so good with her mother Maude.

14 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl sings solo in the choir, Jesse is beside her – now also in the choir.

15 EXT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl wants to meet Jesse’s folks.

16 EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Jesse’s mother Novella warns Pearl that Jesse’s not the one for her.

17 INT. MAUDE’S FRONT DOOR – DAY

Pearl’s brother Drew arrives home on leave from the army.

18 EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Pearl discusses her worries about Jesse with her brother Drew.

19 INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT

Jesse proposes to Pearl – who accepts

20 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Transition from Pearl watching a woman with a young toddler enter to…

21 INT. MAUDE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl stares at her new born Patricia, she also has three other kids

22 EXT. WANDA’S HOUSE – DAY

Jesse squeezes past Wanda to enter her house – they both like the encounter.

23 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia celebrates her 13^th birthday, gets a fishing rod from Jesse.

24 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DAY

Jesse takes Patricia fishing – she meets Wanda.

25 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DUSK

Jesse and Wanda get drunk.

26 INT. JESSE’S CAR – NIGHT

Patricia drives them home.

27 EXT. CITY FREEWAY – NIGHT

Patricia drives the car onto the busy freeway.

28 EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT

Patricia drops Tina off.

29 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Patricia helps Jesse who is still drunk inside.

30 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Patricia has breakfast with her mum.

31 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – MORNING

Uncle Drew comes to stay.

32 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Family dinner, but Drew is unhappy that Jesse doesn’t show up.

33 INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jesse arrives late.

34 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT 23

Drew and Jesse bicker.

35 EXT. PEARL’S UNIT – NIGHT 23 2

Jesse comes home drunk, pulls out his gun, wrestles with Drew, the gun discharges and Draw falls down the stairs.

36 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY

Doctor explains to Pearl and Patricia about Drew.

37 INT. DREW’S WARD – DAY

Drew reveals he is paralysed.

38 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Drew arrives home after hospital discharge.

39 INT. SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Jesse is with a woman and refuses to acknowledge Patricia as his daughter.

40 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl gets nuisance calls from a woman.

41 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jesse threatens Patricia re: the mall incident.

ACT 2 – Patricia is determined to find the truth

42 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Patricia cries herself to sleep.

43 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAWN

Patricia gets up, determined.

44 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Patricia lies to Pearl.

45 EXT. PEARL’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Patricia has Jesse’s car keys.

46 INT. LOCKSMITH – MORNING

Patricia gets a copy of the car keys made.

47 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Jesse can’t find his car keys. Turns his house upside down looking for them. Cusses at Pearl. Patricia is too afraid to say she has them.

48 INT. PEARL’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Drew is annoyed by the ruckus Jesse creates.

49 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Patricia paces her room, unsure what to do.

50 INT. PEARL’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Patricia pretends to find Jesse’s missing keys when she had them all along.

51 EXT. JESSE’S VAN – MORNING

Patricia hides in Jesse’s van.

52 INT. JESSE’S VAN – MORNING

Jesse cusses as he drives, doesn’t notice Patricia hiding in the back of the van.

53 EXT. HOUSING BLOCK – MORNING

Patricia follows Jesse – realizes Jesse is cheating on her mom and she has a step-brother.

54 EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Patricia wanders the streets.

55 EXT. CITY PARK – EVENING

A Bag Lady gives Patricia advice.

56 EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT

Patricia asks her brothers for advice about their dad.

57 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia’s sister Jade tells her not to stick her nose into dad’s business or it might be worse for their mom.

58 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Patricia seeks advice from the bible.

59 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse’s behaviour upsets Drew.

60 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Drew shows Jesse his strength.

61 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse storms off.

62 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – DAY

Jesse is annoyed by the amount of sticky notes Pearl has on the fridge. Complains about her being stupid.

63 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Patricia goes to school.

64 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Drew helps Pearl with the shopping.

65 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – DAY

Sticky notes in kitchen increase. Pearl gets defensive when Patricia asks her about them.

65 A INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl gets a call – she missed a medical appointment.

66 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse takes an instant dislike to Patricia’s boyfriend Blake as he is a preacher. Jesse reveals he thinks religion is all a scam and that he never forgave God when his favourite aunt died.

67 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Patricia and Blake discuss Jesse.

68 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DAY

Blake tries to make friends with Jesse by fishing with him. Jesse is not won over so easy.

71 EXT. PARK – DAY

Drew and Pearl go shopping.

72 INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Drew and Pearl shopping.

73 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Drew has a chest pain.

74 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – DAY

Pearl can’t find Drew’s pills.

75 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl finds Drew dead.

76 EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Drew’s funeral – Patricia has argument with siblings about Pearl’s care.

76A – INT. JESSE’S HOUSE – DAY

Patricia confronts Jesse about Pearl – Jesse tells her to butt out and mind her own business.

ACT 3 – Patricia takes on the caring role for Pearl

77 EXT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jesse confronts Blake about he and Patricia taking Pearl from him.

78 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM

Back to Patricia in bridal gown about to get married.

79 EXT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE

Patricia gets into limo to go to church.

80 INT. CHURCH – DAY

Blake makes excuses for Patricia not showing.

81 INT. LIMOUSINE – DAY

Patricia asks limo driver to take her to church.

82 INT. PEARL’S GARAGE – DAY

Jesse stares at the gun in his hand. About to go to church.

83 EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Limo drives to church – Patricia thinks she saw her brother driving the other way.

84 EXT. FIXIT ROAD – DAY

Vic parks behind Jesse’s car blocking him in.

85 INT. JESSE’S CAR – DAY

Jesse and Vic wrestle over the gun.

86 EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Patricia and Blake marry.

87 INT. CHURCH – DAY

Patricia and Blake dance the bridal waltz

88 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – DAY

Patricia take Pearl to look at some nursing homes.

89 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME

Patricia hopes this nursing home is better than the others.

90 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

Patricia likes this nursing home.

91 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON

Patricia settles Pearl into the nursing home.

92 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – DAY

Patricia worries she did the right thing.

92A – JESSE’S HOUSE – DAY

Jesse finds out about the nursing home and is riled up – cusses Patricia. Tells her I’ll never forgive you, never!

93 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – MORNING

Pearl boards the bus for activity centre.

94 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – AFTERNOON

Pearl arrives back from activity centre.

95 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – AFTERNOON

Pearl feels like she’s home. She forgives Patricia for putting her here.

96 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia visits Pearl.

97 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON

Pearl secretes food.

98 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia discovers Pearl’s food stash.

99 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – AFTERNOON

Patricia worries about her mother’s condition getting worse.

100 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – DAY

Pearl gets off the bus – walks past the nursing home.

101 INT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia gets a call from Nursing Home – is your mom with you?

102 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

Nurse explains Pearl is missing.

103 INT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia rushes out of work.

104 EXT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia calls Blake – I need your help.

105 INT. BLAKE’S WORK – DAY

Blake asks others to help him.

106 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – DAY

PATRICIA drives looking for Pearl. Desperate she calls JESSE.

106A – JESSE’S HOUSE – DAY

Jesse cusses Patricia out again, tells her – I told you not to put her in that damn Nursing home. You lost her, you find her.

107 EXT. CITY STREETS – DUSK

Blake and his helpers scour the street looking for Pearl.

108 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – NIGHT

PATRICIA gets a call about Pearl.

109 INT. DOG SHELTER – NIGHT

SHELTER WORKER shows Patricia where Pearl is.

110 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

PATRICIA told that they can’t let Pearl go to activity outings any more.

111 INT. PATRICIA’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Patricia and Blake play with their first child.

112 INT. HOSPITAL – NURSE’S STATION – MORNING

VAL calls Patricia about Pearl.

113 INT. HOSPITAL – NURSE’S STATION – MORNING

Pearl has MRSA. Patricia has to suit up.

114 INT. HOSPITAL – ROOM 202 – MORNING

PATRICIA runs away as her mother dies.

115 INT. FUNERAL HOME A – DAY

PATRICIA picks a coffin for Pearl. Jesse disagrees with the funeral ceremony. Tells Patricia he will organise another funeral and she’s not invited.

115A – FUNERAL HOME B – DAY

Jesse at a different funeral. Other family members are there – no Patricia.

116 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Christmas Eve – Patricia is teary-eyed.

117 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia calls someone.

118 INT. DINER – NIGHT

Patricia meets with Jesse. Calls him out for his bad behaviour, then forgives him.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment was to accept quantity over quality – you can always improve a bad script – but if it’s not on paper you can’t.

ACT 1

1 EXT. PHILADELPHIA SKYLINE – DAY 1

Establish where we are and that it is spring.

2 EXT. CAMPUS LANE – DAY

Establish house – creep towards window to see

3 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia is in a bridal gown being fussed over by her bridal party as her mother Pearl watches

INCITING INCIDENT – Patricia gets a text – Marry him and I’ll kill you.

Patricia looks to her mother’s Pearl who is lost in thought, remembers…

4 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl is a young woman – being woo’d by Jesse.

5 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia reveals that the text is from her father – Jesse.

6 EXT. SOUTH CANTERBURY ROAD – DAY

A house with a beat up old car in a garage.

7 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

A Man’s hand opens a gun cabinet. Takes out a rifle.

8 EXT. FIXIT ROAD – DAY

A car races through a red light, picks up speed.

9 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY 3

Bridal party want Patricia to postpone the wedding, but Patricia is determined to go ahead with it. – Pearl thinks back in time to when…

10 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

She sang solo in the church choir. Jesse watches her fascinated.

11 EXT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Jesse asks Pearl out for a date, but she’s hesitant. Agrees only if he can keep a secret. She…

12 INT. MAUDE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Introduces Jesse to her mother Maude, who has a severe mental illness and talks to a wall clock.

13 EXT. MAUDE’S FRONT DOOR – DAY

Pearl is intrigued by Jesse, because he was so good with her mother Maude.

14 INT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl sings solo in the choir, Jesse is beside her – now also in the choir.

15 EXT. TRIUMPH BAPTIST CHURCH – DAY

Pearl wants to meet Jesse’s folks.

16 EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Jesse’s mother Novella warns Pearl that Jesse’s not the one for her.

17 INT. MAUDE’S FRONT DOOR – DAY

Pearl’s brother Drew arrives home on leave from the army.

18 EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Pearl discusses her worries about Jesse with her brother Drew.

19 INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT

Jesse proposes to Pearl – who accepts

20 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Transition from Pearl watching a woman with a young toddler enter to…

21 INT. MAUDE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl stares at her new born Patricia, she also has three other kids

22 EXT. WANDA’S HOUSE – DAY

Jesse enters Wanda’s house.

23 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Patricia celebrates her 13^th birthday, gets a fishing rod from Jesse.

24 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DAY

Jesse takes Patricia fishing – she meets Wanda.

25 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DUSK

Jesse and Wanda get drunk.

26 INT. JESSE’S CAR – NIGHT

Patricia drives them home.

27 EXT. CITY FREEWAY – NIGHT

Patricia drives the car onto the busy freeway.

28 EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT

Patricia drops Tina off.

29 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Patricia helps Jesse inside.

30 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Patricia has breakfast with her mum.

31 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – MORNING

Uncle Drew comes to stay.

32 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Family dinner, but Drew is unhappy that Jesse doesn’t show up.

33 INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jesse arrives.

34 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT 23

Drew and Jesse bicker.

35 EXT. PEARL’S UNIT – NIGHT 23 2

Jesse comes home drunk. He wrestles with Drew, throws him down the stairs.

36 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY

Doctor explains to Pearl and Patricia about Drew.

37 INT. DREW’S WARD – DAY

Drew reveals he is paralysed.

38 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Drew arrives home after hospital discharge.

39 INT. SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Jesse is with a woman and refuses to acknowledge Patricia as his daughter.

40 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl gets nuisance calls from a woman.

41 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jesse threatens Patricia re: the mall incident.

ACT 2 – Patricia is determined to find the truth

42 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Patricia cries herself to sleep.

43 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAWN

Patricia gets up, determined.

44 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Patricia lies to Pearl.

45 EXT. PEARL’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Patricia has Jesse’s car keys.

46 INT. LOCKSMITH – MORNING

Patricia gets a copy of the car keys made.

47 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Jesse can’t find his car keys. Patricia is too afraid to say she has them.

48 INT. PEARL’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Drew is annoyed by the ruckus Jesse creates.

49 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Patricia paces her room, unsure what to do.

50 INT. PEARL’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Patricia pretens to find the keys.

51 EXT. JESSE’S VAN – MORNING

Patricia hides in Jesse’s van.

52 INT. JESSE’S VAN – MORNING

Jesse doesn’t notice Patricia hiding in the back of the van.

53 EXT. HOUSING BLOCK – MORNING

Patricia follows Jesse – realizes Jesse is cheating on her mom and she has a step-brother.

54 EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Patricia wanders the streets.

55 EXT. CITY PARK – EVENING

A Bag Lady gives Patricia advice.

56 EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT

Patricia asks her brothers for advice about their dad.

57 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia’s sister Jade tells her not to stick her nose into dad’s business or it might be worse for their mom.

58 INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Patricia seeks advice from the bible.

59 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse’s behaviour upsets Drew.

60 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Drew shows Jesse his strength.

61 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse storms off.

62 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – DAY

Jesse is annoyed by the amount of sticky notes Pearl has on the fridge.

63 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Patricia goes to school.

64 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Drew helps Pearl with the shopping.

65 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – DAY

Sticky notes in kitchen increase. Pearl gets defensive when Patricia asks her about them.

65 A INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl gets a call – she missed a medical appointment.

66 INT. PEARL’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Jesse takes an instant dislike to Patricia’s boyfriend Blake.

67 EXT. PEARL’S HOUSE – DAY

Patricia and Blake discuss Jesse.

68 EXT. RIVERSIDE – DAY

Blake tries to make friends with Jesse by fishing with him.

71 EXT. PARK – DAY

Drew and Pearl go shopping.

72 INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Drew and Pearl shopping.

73 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Drew has a chest pain.

74 INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – DAY

Pearl can’t find Drew’s pills.

75 INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Pearl finds Drew dead.

76 EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Drew’s funeral – Patricia has argument with siblings about Pearl’s care.

ACT 3 – Patricia takes on the caring role for Pearl

77 EXT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE

Jesse confronts Blake about he and Patricia taking Pearl from him.

78 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM

Back to Patricia in bridal gown about to get married.

79 EXT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE

Patricia gets into limo to go to church.

80 INT. CHURCH – DAY

Blake makes excuses for Patricia not showing.

81 INT. LIMOUSINE – DAY

Patricia asks limo driver to take her to church.

82 INT. PEARL’S GARAGE – DAY

Jesse stares at the gun in his hand. About to go to church.

83 EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Limo drives to church – Patricia thinks she saw her brother driving the other way.

84 EXT. FIXIT ROAD – DAY

Vic parks behind Jesse’s car blocking him in.

85 INT. JESSE’S CAR – DAY

Jesse and Vic wrestle over the gun.

86 EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Patricia and Blake marry.

87 INT. CHURCH – DAY

Patricia and Blake dance the bridal waltz

88 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – DAY

Patricia take Pearl to look at some nursing homes.

89 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME

Patricia hopes this nursing home is better than the others.

90 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

Patricia likes this nursing home.

91 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON

Patricia settles Pearl into the nursing home.

92 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – DAY

Patricia worries she did the right thing.

93 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – MORNING

Pearl boards the bus for activity centre.

94 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – AFTERNOON

Pearl arrives back from activity centre.

95 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – AFTERNOON

Pearl feels like she’s home.

96 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia visits Pearl.

97 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON

Pearl secretes food.

98 INT. GENTLE FOLK – PEARL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia discovers Pearl’s food stash.

99 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – AFTERNOON

Patricia worries about her mother’s condition getting worse.

100 EXT. GENTLE FOLK NURSING HOME – DAY

Pearl gets off the bus – walks past the nursing home.

101 INT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia gets a call from Nursing Home – is your mom with you?

102 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

Nurse explains Pearl is missing.

103 INT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia rushes out of work.

104 EXT. PATRICIA’S WORK – DAY

Patricia calls Blake – I need your help.

105 INT. BLAKE’S WORK – DAY

Blake asks others to help him.

106 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – DAY

PATRICIA drives looking for Pearl.

107 EXT. CITY STREETS – DUSK

Blake and his helpers scour the street looking for Pearl.

108 INT. PATRICIA’S CAR – NIGHT

PATRICIA gets a call about Pearl.

109 INT. DOG SHELTER – NIGHT

SHELTER WORKER shows Patricia where Pearl is.

110 INT. GENTLE FOLK – NURSE’S STATION – DAY

PATRICIA told that they can’t let Pearl go to activity outings any more.

111 INT. PATRICIA’S LOUNGE ROOM – MORNING

Patricia and Blake play with their first child.

112 INT. HOSPITAL – NURSE’S STATION – MORNING

VAL calls Patricia about Pearl.

113 INT. HOSPITAL – NURSE’S STATION – MORNING

Pearl has MRSA. Patricia has to suit up.

114 INT. HOSPITAL – ROOM 202 – MORNING

PATRICIA runs away as her mother dies.

115 INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY

PATRICIA picks a coffin for Pearl. Jesse disagrees with the funeral ceremony.

116 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Christmas Eve – Patricia is teary-eyed.

117 INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Patricia calls someone.

118 INT. DINER – NIGHT

Patricia meets with Jesse. Calls him out for his bad behaviour, then forgives him.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul’s transformational events

What I learned doing this assignment is that every protagonist must either change or change those around them. .

3. Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).

– Realize that her father doesn’t acknowledge her existence

– Realize that her father has a secret family.

– Strive for independence away from the family.

– Realize that her mother can no longer care for herself.

– Take on the role of caring for her mother.

– Marry her sweetheart.

– Realize it’s time to put her mother into a nursing home.

– Realize it’s time to forgive her father.

4. Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.

– As above

5. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.

6. Add these transformational events to your four act structure.

Act 1:

Opening – Patricia in her wedding dress about to go to the church to get married.Inciting Incident – Patricia gets message from her father that he’ll kill her if she marries Blake.Turning Point – We get to learn more about Patricia’s father Jesse via a flashback from her mother Pearl.

Act 2:

New plan – Patricia as a teenager follows her father and discovers his secret life.Plan in action – Patricia is going to blab to her mother, about her discovery.Midpoint Turning Point – Patricia decides to keep her father’s affairs secret as it may cause harm to her mother.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Patricia decides to go to college, so that she can shift out and get on with her new life.New plan – Patricia can’t be independent from her family as her mother becomes unwell. Marries her sweetheart.Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – None of Patricia’s siblings can be relied upon to look after her mother who has dementia.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –Patricia decides to take her mother under her care – disobeying her father. Realizes it’s time to put Pearl into a Nursing Home. Pearl dies.Resolution – Pearl decides to forgive her father.

[Paul Mahoney]

Subject line: Paul’s – 4 Act Transformational Structure (place in first line)

4. “What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a useful technique in building a better outline.

Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

Concept – A woman learns to forgive her cheating and abusive father.Main Conflict – Patricia has to grow as a person in order to take on the responsibility of both looking after her mother as well as forgiving her abusive and domineering father.Old Ways – Patricia is afraid of her father, hates him.New Ways – Patricia is not afraid of her father, forgives him.Internal Journey: Patricia has to find the courage to stand up to her father and then later on to forgive him.External Journey: Patricia grows from child who is cared for by her mother, to an adult who cares for her mother.<div>

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening – Patricia in her wedding dress about to go to the church to get married.Inciting Incident – Patricia gets message from her father that he’ll kill her if she marries Blake.Turning Point – We get to learn more about Patricia’s father Jesse via a flashback from her mother Pearl.</div><div>

Act 2:

New plan – Patricia as a teenager follows her father and discovers his secret life.Plan in action – Patricia is going to blab to her mother, about her discovery.Midpoint Turning Point – Patricia decides to keep her father’s affairs secret as it may cause harm to her mother.</div><div>

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Patricia decides to go to college, so that she can shift out and get on with her new life.New plan – Patricia can’t be independent from her family as her mother becomes unwell.Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – None of Patricia’s siblings can be relied upon to look after her mother who has dementia.</div><div>

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –Patricia decides to take her mother under her care – disobeying her father.Resolution – Pearl decides to forgive her father.
</div>

[Paul Mahoney]

ASSIGNMENT 3

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always more to learn about your characters and what makes them tick. Be open to the concept of always improving your script.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST – Patricia

Tell me about yourself. – I’m an intelligent, hard-working woman, with a sense of right and wrong and I care very deeply for her mother.<div>

Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? Because I lover my mother and none of my siblings had the balls to step up to the plate and do what they should have done.You are up against <Jesse – the Antagonist>.

What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you? Jesse is my father and has always been domineering. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box.

What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult? I have to overcome my fear of him and what he could do to either my or my mum. To do this I will need the support of my husband, Blake and my work colleagues. But mostly, I will need my inner resilience to do what I know is right.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? That I should obey my parents. During this journey I will need to disobey both of them in order to protect my mother.

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? I am deeply hurt that my own father refused to recognise me when I was a teenager.

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? My health professional training and the support of my husband, who is a Minister.

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? I’m initially hiding from Uncle Drew that I borrowed dad’s keys to get them cut. Later I’m hiding from Dad that I know about his secret family and hiding from Mum that Dad’s having affairs dad that I’m never going to let mum go home with him ever again.

What do you think of <the Antagonist>? I hate him.Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. I found out dad was cheating and supporting a secret family. Later on I suspect something is wrong with mum and when it’s diagnosed as Alzheimers, I can’t sit by and watch Dad abuse or neglect her.

What does it do for your life is you succeed here? For Mum to be safe and for Dad to admit he was wrong, and ask for our forgiveness for all the hurt he’s caused us.Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you. Will you marry Blake? If I don’t I’ll die trying.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST – Jesse

Tell me about yourself. I’m the man of the house and the head of the household, so I do as I damn well please.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? I can whip anyone’s ass. Weakness – A pretty lady.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change? Because Pearl’s my wife, so she should live with me.

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? I get my way. I get my wife back and the retirement that I had planned.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? We’re married, I’m the man, I’m the head of the household, Patricia’s my daughter – she should do as I say.

What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? Secret – the hidden family. I don’t want them meeting.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? If you looked at me you, you wouldn’t need to ask that question.

What do you think of <the Protagonist>? She needs to respect her father and watch her damn mouth, and kick that church do-gooder she’s dating to the sidewalk.Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. My daughter’s gone crazy and trying to create conflict between me and my wife.

</div>

[Paul Mahoney]

Subject line: Paul’s Character Profile Part 2

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment was…?”

Taking time to plan now, may help prevent problems later.

2. Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

Protagonist – Patricia

Internal Journey: Patricia has to find the courage to stand up to her father and then later on to forgive him.External Journey: Patricia grows from child who is cared for by her mother, to an adult who cares for her mother.Victim – Patricia is a victim, who strives to right the wrongs that her father causes against herself and her mother. She realises that she is the only one in her family who will protect her mother.Motivation: Protecting the welfare of her mother.Wound: Her father had denied that she was his daughter.Mission/Agenda: To get married and make sure that her mother is cared for.Secret: Her Father is and adulterer and wants to kill her.What makes them special? She is the type of daughter any man would be proud of, but he is the nightmare of a father no one would want.What draws us to this character?Traits: Honest, Caring, Loyal, DeterminedSubtext: She knows what is right and what is wrong. Flaw: Unable to let things be, not afraid to point out flaws to others.Values: Integrity, commitment, hard workIrony: Hates being lied to but has to lie to her mother.What makes this the right character for this role? She is not perfect and has her own issues to work out.

Antagonist – Jesse

Internal Journey: Patricia has to find the courage to stand up to her father and then later on to forgive him.External Journey: Patricia grows from child who is cared for by her mother, to an adult who cares for her mother.Victim – Patricia is a victim, who strives to right the wrongs that her father causes against herself and her mother. She realises that she is the only one in her family who will protect her mother.Motivation: Protecting the welfare of her mother.Wound: Her father had denied that she was his daughter.Mission/Agenda: To get married and make sure that her mother is cared for.Secret: Her Father is and adulterer and wants to kill her.What makes them special? She is the type of daughter any man would be proud of, but he is the nightmare of a father no one would want.What draws us to this character?Traits: Honest, Caring, Loyal, DeterminedSubtext: She knows what is right and what is wrong. Flaw: Unable to let things be, not afraid to point out flaws to others.Values: Integrity, commitment, hard workIrony: Hates being lied to but has to lie to her mother.What makes this the right character for this role? She is not perfect and has her own issues to work out.

[Paul Mahoney]

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

This will be a new and interesting way for me to start new scripts.

2. Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?

Internal Journey: Patricia has to find the courage to stand up to her father and then later on to forgive him.External Journey: Patricia grows from child who is cared for by her mother, to an adult who cares for her mother.

3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?

Old Ways – Patricia is afraid of her father, hates him.

New Ways – Patricia is not afraid of her father, forgives him.

[Paul Mahoney]

7. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

What I learned was that this is a new way of looking how to learn more about my characters and the story.

2. Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Victim – Patricia is a victim, who strives to right the wrongs that her father causes against herself and her mother. She realises that she is the only one in her family who will protect her mother.

3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

· Villain/Change Agent/Authority – Jesse is Patricia’s father. He actually has several roles because as well as being a prick, he is a change agent who causes Patricia to change and as he’s her father he is also an authority figure to her.

4. What other characters might be necessary?

Supporting characters: Pearl (Patricia’s mother), Blake – Patricia’s Father, Uncle DrewMinor roles: Siblings, Other relativesBackground characters: Neighbours, Friends

5. Pick your genre.

Drama (Faith/Biopic)

6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

Role in the story: Patricia is the hero, who looks after her mother’s illness worsens.Age range and Description: Patricia goes from a child to an adult 40.Internal Journey: Has to find the courage to stand up to her father and then later on to forgive him.External Journey: From child who is cared for by her mother, to an adult who cares for her mother.Motivation: Protecting the welfare of her mother.Wound: Her father had denied that she was his daughter.Mission/Agenda: To get married and make sure that her mother is cared for.Secret: Her Father is and adulterer and wants to kill her.What makes them special? She is the type of daughter any man would be proud of, but he is the nightmare of a father no one would want.

[Paul Mahoney]

1. Name? Paul Mahoney

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Approx. 12+ feature scripts

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Writing quicker, including greater character depth and a transformational journey

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I almost failed my driver’s licence because I’m colour blind and no one told me that part of the test included identifying colours.

[Paul Mahoney]

Welcome back, Pat. Caring for someone with dementia is a full-time job x 3. I am sure your husband was thankful for your love and support.