[P.G. Sundling]

Oh, and I’d include a link to the first book in the series on Amazon in the query letter.

What others say about my work has more credibility than what I say.

When the book series is pretty complete, a link to the series on Amazon gives them a chance to see the reviews and get more info. If I time a marketing push at the same time, they’ll also see it highly ranked in the store. That’s my long-term plan.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Query Letter Draft 1-3

4. Answer the question: “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.

Things sound better in your head than to other people. It will be hard to get something so complex across to most people. In version 2, I did just the broad strokes of the series.

After feedback, I realized I needed an intro to give context. I also needed some world-building to cover the prophecy aspect.

2. Post your revised query letter for critique on the forums under Lesson 11.

3. Rewrite your query letter, at least once, and post the revision as Draft 2.

Version 0

When non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above and runs for president, can he become the right person to stop doomsday?

None of the Above is an unconventional sci-fi TV series about the zeitgeist of dysfunctional politics, AI, and global tensions. The series escalates exponentially in scale each half-season.

After their billion-dollar software company gets stolen, James Wong and Maria Cortez chase the ultimate power-up: becoming president. They change their names to None of the Above (None) and More Jobs (MJ). After all, who will vote against More Jobs in a bad economy?

A simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse. A mysterious entity intervenes to find a timeline that can survive doomsday. Why are None and MJ so critical to its plans?

Mid-season finale: Assassins leave None in a coma. Traitors in battle armor with miniguns, meant to protect the president, instead slay White House personnel by the dozens.

Season one finale: Under the guise of a global cyberwar, a battle for AI supremacy begins. Nukes launch, but None finds a greater threat. Can his crazy plan prevent doomsday?

Season 2: Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it. In the search for weapons to defend Earth, None and MJ find a fleet much older than the universe.

Season 3: The ancient fleet holds secrets of the Big Bang. Those secrets begin a series of intergalactic wars that will destroy the multiverse unless stopped.

If you’d like to read the pilot or TV pitch bible, please contact me.

BIO: P.G. Sundling was a software engineer for 24 years, including 14 years in entertainment (Universal, Disney, Sony). He writes terse cinematic novels designed to be easily adapted to film/TV, like the award-winning None of the Above series.

<contact info>

Version 1

When non-politician James Wong changes their name to None of the Above and runs for president, can he become the right person to stop doomsday?

None of the Above is an unconventional sci-fi TV series about the zeitgeist of dysfunctional politics, AI, and global tensions, followed by exponential technology and social changes.

A simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse. A mysterious entity intervenes to find a timeline that can survive doomsday. Why are two childhood friends so critical to its plans?

After their billion-dollar software company gets stolen, James Wong and Maria Cortez chase the ultimate power-up: become president. They change their names to None of the Above (None) and More Jobs (MJ). After all, who will vote against More Jobs in a bad economy?

Mid-season finale: An assassination attempt leaves None in a coma. An assault on the White House in powered armor reveals the extent of a conspiracy. MJ fights for survival.

Season one finale: Under the guise of a global cyberwar, a battle for AI supremacy begins. Nukes launch, but None finds a greater threat. Can his crazy plan prevent doomsday?

In later seasons, the series escalates to the interstellar, intergalactic, and multiverse levels. Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it. A fleet much older than the universe holds secrets of the Big Bang. Those secrets begin a series of intergalactic wars that will destroy the multiverse unless stopped.

If you’d like to read the pilot or TV pitch bible, please contact me.

BIO: P.G. Sundling was a software engineer for 24 years, including 12+ years in entertainment (Universal, Disney, Sony). He writes terse cinematic novels designed to be easily adaptable to film/TV, like the award-winning None of the Above series.

<contact info>

Version 2

Aliens decide to wipe out all life on Earth when a prophecy warns Earth will destroy their home planet. The unborn child the alien prophecy depends on, James Wong, must escape China before being murdered.

In adulthood, non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above (None) and runs for president. None must become the right person to stop doomsday, including making the correct mistakes. How can he succeed when assassins leave him with brain damage?

A mysterious entity intervenes to prevent nuclear war over Taiwan, which creates an even worse timeline. How can None stop a nuclear war during an AI battle for supremacy?

Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it. In the search for weapons to defend Earth, None finds a fleet much older than the universe.

The ancient fleet holds secrets of the Big Bang. Those secrets begin a series of intergalactic wars that will destroy the multiverse unless stopped.

Please contact me if you’d like to read the pilot or TV pitch bible.

BIO: P.G. Sundling was a software engineer for 24 years, including 14 years in entertainment (Universal, Disney, Sony). He writes terse cinematic novels designed to be adaptable to film/TV, like the award-winning None of the Above series.

<contact info>

Version 3 after feedback

Dear <name>,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m P.G. Sundling. I worked in entertainment (Universal, Disney, and Sony) for 14 years, mostly coding tools to put movies and TV shows on the PlayStation store. I retired early to write full-time.

I want to adapt my award-winning None of the Above sci-fi thriller novel series to streaming:

Reality defends itself against timeline meddlers. Time travel stories are always tragic. Prophecies are risky business and vague for a reason. When prophets make mistakes, unforeseen consequences befall the rest of us.

Aliens decide to wipe out all life on Earth when a prophecy warns Earth will destroy their home planet. An unborn child from that prophecy must escape China before being murdered.

In adulthood, non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above (None) in an unlikely run for president. None must become the right person to stop doomsday, including making the correct mistakes. How can he succeed when assassins leave him brain-damaged?

A timeline intervention to prevent nuclear war over Taiwan creates an even worse timeline. None must stop nuclear war during an AI battle for supremacy. Who are his true enemies?

Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it. In the search for weapons to defend Earth, None finds a fleet much older than the universe. He must unravel its secrets before an invasion destroys Earth.

Secrets about the Big Bang and ancient technologies ignite a series of intergalactic wars. If not stopped in time, the multiverse will be destroyed.

Please contact me if you’d like to read the pilot or TV pitch bible.

<contact info>

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put at the top of your work.

Wow! 190 producers with just 5 TV shows, without having to do degrees of separation. TV has so many producers and I can target the smallest ones based on episode count. The hardest part was coming up with the comps.

Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.

There is no comp for the overall series. My series really is that unique. I had to refocus on just a couple of genres, science fiction and thriller. Plus I had to consult AI to be able to identify decent comps.

Stranger Things is the closest comp by far even though it’s so different. It matches sci-fi plus thriller/mystery with comedic elements. My 2nd season matches the cold war aspect. My 3rd season matches the horror elements.

The 100 (apocalyptic sci-fi & mystery)

Orphan Black (sci-fi &thriller)

Black Mirror (sci-fi & thriller, satire)

Doctor Who (sci-fi mystery with adventure, comedy)

The 3rd season has movie comps though (The 5th wave(2016), The blackout(2019).

Actresses for MJ (Hispanic female lead)

Sofía Vergara

Eva Mendes

Jessica Alba

Rosario Dawson

Zoe Saldana

Eva Longoria

Sofia Pernas

Actor for None of the Above (Chinese male lead)

Huang Bo

Wang Baoqiang

Jam Hsiao

Ryan Zheng

Roy Chiu

Nicholas Tse

Shawn Yue

Kai Ko

Eddie Peng

Using the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 50 to 100 producers (or more) for your specific project.

Stranger Things

Leslie Morgenstein…executive producer (100 episodes, 2014-2020)

Jason Rothenberg…executive producer / producer (100 episodes, 2014-2020)

Tim Scanlan…producer / co-executive producer / supervising producer / co-producer (99 episodes, 2014-2020)

Jae Marchant…co-executive producer / producer (84 episodes, 2014-2019)

Dean White…supervising producer / executive producer / co-executive producer (70 episodes, 2014-2018)

Aaron Ginsburg…co-executive producer / producer / supervising producer (58 episodes, 2014-2018)

Wade McIntyre…co-executive producer / producer / supervising producer (58 episodes, 2014-2018)

Kira Snyder…producer / co-producer / supervising producer (44 episodes, 2014-2016)

Kim Shumway…executive producer / co-executive producer / producer (42 episodes, 2017-2020)

Emanuel Fidalgo…associate producer / co-producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Miranda Kwok…supervising producer / co-producer / producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Jeff Vlaming…co-executive producer / executive producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Drew Lindo…co-executive producer / supervising producer (41 episodes, 2018-2020)

Charles Grant Craig…co-executive producer (32 episodes, 2014-2016)

Alyssa Clark…supervising producer / producer (29 episodes, 2019-2020)

Ed Fraiman…executive producer / co-executive producer (29 episodes, 2019-2020)

Bruce Miller…co-executive producer (28 episodes, 2014-2015)

Terri Hughes Burton…co-executive producer (26 episodes, 2017-2018)

Justine Juel Gillmer…co-producer / supervising producer (26 episodes, 2017-2018)

Javier Grillo-Marxuach…co-executive producer (16 episodes, 2016)

Sean Crouch…co-executive producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Charles Lyall…producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Erica Meredith…producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Michael Angeli…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2014-2015)

James Thorpe…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2014-2015)

Gina Girolamo…executive producer (13 episodes, 2014)

Matthew Miller…consulting producer / executive producer (13 episodes, 2014)

Morgan Gendel…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2017)

Ron Milbauer…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2017)

Heidi Cole McAdams…producer (13 episodes, 2018)

Charmaine De Grate…supervising producer (13 episodes, 2019)

Georgia Lee…producer (13 episodes, 2019)

Tracy Bellomo…co-producer (12 episodes, 2014)

T.J. Brady…producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Elizabeth Craft…executive producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Sarah Fain…executive producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Rasheed Newson…producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Donald Munro…co-producer (8 episodes, 2020)

Akela Cooper…co-producer (7 episodes, 2015)

Cheryl Dolins…executive producer (5 episodes, 2014)

Dieter Ismagil…associate producer (1 episode, 2014)

Bharat Nalluri…executive producer (1 episode, 2014)

The 100

Leslie Morgenstein…executive producer (100 episodes, 2014-2020)

Jason Rothenberg…executive producer / producer (100 episodes, 2014-2020)

Tim Scanlan…producer / co-executive producer / supervising producer / co-producer (99 episodes, 2014-2020)

Jae Marchant…co-executive producer / producer (84 episodes, 2014-2019)

Dean White…supervising producer / executive producer / co-executive producer (70 episodes, 2014-2018)

Aaron Ginsburg…co-executive producer / producer / supervising producer (58 episodes, 2014-2018)

Wade McIntyre…co-executive producer / producer / supervising producer (58 episodes, 2014-2018)

Kira Snyder…producer / co-producer / supervising producer (44 episodes, 2014-2016)

Kim Shumway…executive producer / co-executive producer / producer (42 episodes, 2017-2020)

Emanuel Fidalgo…associate producer / co-producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Miranda Kwok…supervising producer / co-producer / producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Jeff Vlaming…co-executive producer / executive producer (42 episodes, 2018-2020)

Drew Lindo…co-executive producer / supervising producer (41 episodes, 2018-2020)

Charles Grant Craig…co-executive producer (32 episodes, 2014-2016)

Alyssa Clark…supervising producer / producer (29 episodes, 2019-2020)

Ed Fraiman…executive producer / co-executive producer (29 episodes, 2019-2020)

Bruce Miller…co-executive producer (28 episodes, 2014-2015)

Terri Hughes Burton…Co-executive producer (26 episodes, 2017-2018)

Justine Juel Gillmer…co-producer / supervising producer (26 episodes, 2017-2018)

Javier Grillo-Marxuach…co-executive producer (16 episodes, 2016)

Sean Crouch…co-executive producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Charles Lyall…producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Erica Meredith…producer (16 episodes, 2020)

Michael Angeli…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2014-2015)

James Thorpe…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2014-2015)

Gina Girolamo…executive producer (13 episodes, 2014)

Matthew Miller…consulting producer / executive producer (13 episodes, 2014)

Morgan Gendel…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2017)

Ron Milbauer…co-executive producer (13 episodes, 2017)

Heidi Cole McAdams…producer (13 episodes, 2018)

Charmaine De Grate…supervising producer (13 episodes, 2019)

Georgia Lee…producer (13 episodes, 2019)

Tracy Bellomo…co-producer (12 episodes, 2014)

T.J. Brady…producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Elizabeth Craft…executive producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Sarah Fain…executive producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Rasheed Newson…producer (12 episodes, 2014)

Donald Munro…co-producer (8 episodes, 2020)

Akela Cooper…co-producer (7 episodes, 2015)

Cheryl Dolins…executive producer (5 episodes, 2014)

Dieter Ismagil…associate producer (1 episode, 2014)

Bharat Nalluri…executive producer (1 episode, 2014)

Orphan Black

Kerry Appleyard…co-executive producer / executive producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

John Fawcett…executive producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

David Fortier…executive producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

Alex Levine…co-executive producer / co-producer / producer / supervising producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

Graeme Manson…executive producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

Ivan Schneeberg…executive producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

Claire Welland…producer (50 episodes, 2013-2017)

Mackenzie Donaldson…co-producer / associate producer (30 episodes, 2015-2017)

Tatiana Maslany…producer (30 episodes, 2015-2017)

Russ Cochrane…co-executive producer / consulting producer (26 episodes, 2014-2016)

Aubrey Nealon…co-producer / producer / co-executive producer (23 episodes, 2014-2016)

Karen Walton…co-executive producer (20 episodes, 2013-2014)

Jay Prychidny…consulting post producer / post producer (20 episodes, 2016-2017)

Will Pascoe…co-producer (10 episodes, 2013)

Karen Troubetzkoy…consulting producer (10 episodes, 2014)

Kate Melville…co-producer (10 episodes, 2015-2016)

Sherry White…consulting producer (10 episodes, 2015)

Chris Roberts…co-producer (10 episodes, 2016)

Andrea Boyd…supervising producer (10 episodes, 2017)

David Bezmozgis…co-producer (9 episodes, 2017)

Gregory Nelson…co-executive producer (9 episodes, 2017)

Jenn Engels…supervising producer (6 episodes, 2017)

Jeremy Boxen…co-executive producer (5 episodes, 2017)

Peter Mohan…co-executive producer (4 episodes, 2016)

Black Mirror

Charlie Brooker…producer / executive producer / executive producer (27 episodes, 2011-2023)

Annabel Jones…executive producer (27 episodes, 2011-2023)

Ian Hogan…co-producer / producer (12 episodes, 2016-2017)

Barney Reisz…producer / series producer (7 episodes, 2011-2014)

Emma Pike…line producer (6 episodes, 2011-2013)

Louise Sutton…consulting producer / producer (6 episodes, 2017-2023)

Joanne Crowther…line producer / co-producer (5 episodes, 2016-2017)

Bisha K. Ali…co-executive producer / executive producer (5 episodes, 2023)

Jessica Rhoades…executive producer (5 episodes, 2023)

Joel Stokes…co-producer / producer (5 episodes, 2023)

Laurie Borg…producer (3 episodes, 2016)

Nick Pitt…producer (3 episodes, 2017-2019)

Mark Kinsella…co-producer (3 episodes, 2019)

Sanne Wohlenberg…producer (2 episodes, 2016-2017)

Lucy Dyke…producer (2 episodes, 2016)

Daniel Kilroy…archive producer (2 episodes, 2016)

Mary McCarthy…line producer (2 episodes, 2016)

Andrew Chapman…line producer (2 episodes, 2017-2019)

Kelly Duffell…line producer (2 episodes, 2023)

Philip Clarke…head of comedy: Channel 4 (1 episode, 2014)

Kathy Nettleship…line producer (1 episode, 2014)

Rocky Bester…line producer (1 episode, 2016)

Genevieve Hofmeyr…executive producer (1 episode, 2016)

Angela Phillips…line producer (1 episode, 2016)

Benjamin Greenacre…line producer (1 episode, 2017)

Chris Lahr…line producer (1 episode, 2017)

Denis Pedregosa…executive producer (1 episode, 2017)

Salvador Yagüe…line producer (1 episode, 2017)

Madonna Baptiste…producer (1 episode, 2019)

Kate Glover…producer (1 episode, 2019)

Brett Wilson…line producer (1 episode, 2019)

Chio del Olmo…line producer (1 episode, 2023)

Georgina Lowe…producer (1 episode, 2023)

Alison Marlow…producer (1 episode, 2023)

Pam Roberts…line producer (1 episode, 2023)

Richard Webb…producer (1 episode, 2023)

Dan Winch…producer (1 episode, 2023)

Doctor Who (2005 version)

Steven Moffat…executive producer / showrunner / producer / executive producer (87 episodes, 2010-2017)

Julie Gardner…executive producer (73 episodes, 2005-2024)

Russell T. Davies…executive producer / executive producer / showrunner (72 episodes, 2005-2024)

Phil Collinson…producer / executive producer (64 episodes, 2005-2024)

Tracie Simpson…line producer / production executive / producer (52 episodes, 2009-2022)

Nikki Wilson…series producer / producer / co-executive producer / producer / producer: cold open (45 episodes, 2009-2022)

Steffan Morris…line producer (45 episodes, 2015-2022)

Brian Minchin…executive producer (44 episodes, 2013-2017)

Matt Strevens…executive producer (31 episodes, 2018-2022)

Chris Chibnall…executive producer (30 episodes, 2018-2022)

Piers Wenger…executive producer / executive producer (28 episodes, 2010-2011)

Ben Irving…executive producer: BBC / executive producer: BBC (28 episodes, 2018-2022)

Peter Bennett…producer / producer (28 episodes, 2010-2017)

Denise Paul…associate producer / script producer / producer / producer (28 episodes, 2011-2013)

Marcus Wilson…producer / producer / series producer (28 episodes, 2011-2013)

Beth Willis…executive producer (27 episodes, 2010-2011)

Diana Barton…line producer (22 episodes, 2010-2013)

Alex Mercer…producer (22 episodes, 2018-2021)

Helen Vallis…associate producer / associate producer (20 episodes, 2005-2006)

Ceres Doyle…post production producer (19 episodes, 2020-2022)

Caroline Skinner…executive producer (15 episodes, 2011-2013)

Mal Young…executive producer (13 episodes, 2005)

Patrick Schweitzer…line producer / producer (13 episodes, 2010)

Sam Hoyle…co-executive producer (11 episodes, 2018-2019)

Susie Liggat…producer / producer (7 episodes, 2007-2008)

Des Hughes…line producer (8 episodes, 2012-2013)

Sheena Bucktowonsing…associate producer / producer (8 episodes, 2021-2022)

Derek Ritchie…producer / producer (5 episodes, 2015)

Adam Friedlander…producer: South Africa (4 episodes, 2018-2020)

Catrin Lewis Defis…associate producer (3 episodes, 2008-2010)

Sanne Wohlenberg…producer (3 episodes, 2010-2011)

David Mason…line producer: US / line producer: New York (3 episodes, 2011-2012)

Pete Levy…producer (3 episodes, 2021)

Joel Collins…executive producer (3 episodes, 2023)

Jane Tranter…executive producer (3 episodes, 2023)

Debbi Slater…associate producer (2 episodes, 2009)

Paul Frift…producer (2 episodes, 2014)

Alan Shearer…line producer: South Africa (2 episodes, 2018)

Samantha Putter…line producer: South Africa (2 episodes, 2020)

Guido Cerasuolo…line producer: Italy (1 episode, 2008)

Phillipa Cole…line producer (1 episode, 2013)

Faith Penhale…executive producer (1 episode, 2013)

Jacquie Glanville…head of production (1 episode, 2020)

David Tuohy…co-executive producer (uncredited) (1 episode, 2015)

Post your title, logline, genre, and the answers to #1 and #2 above on the forums.

Title: None of the Above

Logline: When non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above and runs for president, can he become the right person to stop doomsday?

Genre: Science Fiction Thriller

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Marketing Campaign

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.

There are many different ways to achieve your goals. They all require planning and follow-through. I’m going to play to my strength and build more credibility.

1. Read through the 10 Marketing Campaigns and select ONE that you’ll take action on immediately.

Marketing campaign #7: Building Your Network

I already have some contacts with people that work at entertainment companies, but I need to have a larger body of work to take advantage of them. I also have a fanbase already, but I need to grow it with more content.

2. Taking that campaign, make a plan of action, listing the actions you’ll take.

#1. I’m going to double the quality of my first novel, even though it’s already won an award and been a finalist in multiple contests.

#2. I’ll write the 2nd and 3rd book. Large parts of plotting for both books are done, but it will still take a while to collect my notes and write them.

#3. After three books are ready, a large book marketing campaign.

#4. Build from small fanbase I have to a much larger fanbase with more books. I’ve had a fan buy 5 copies of the book to give as gifts, so I know even the first edition could inspire fans. The 2nd edition is even better.

#5. Volunteer with a producer friend of mine that I’ve already had business dealings with.

#6. Use the success of the book campaign to build credibility when approaching producers.

3. Tell us the first action you are going to take…and take it.

#1. I’m going to double the quality of my first novel. I’m almost 50% done with this first step, and it’s going well.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Phone Pitch

4. Answer the question “What I learned from this lesson is…?” and place that at the top of your work.

Focusing on just the most important stuff, the pitch sounds so much more solid.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with credibility.

Lead with a great title.

Lead with a strong business hook.

Lead with a High Concept.

I will lead with credibility, mentioning the great title as part of that, which will lead into the high concept. So I’ll use two of these techniques, but include three of them in the pitch.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

“Hi, I’m P.G. Sundling. I worked for Universal, Disney, and Sony for 14 years, mostly working on tools to manage the movies and TV shows on the PlayStation store. I’m the award-winning author of the None of the Above series that I’d like to adapt for TV. When non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above and runs for president, can he become the right person to stop doomsday?”

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range?

$4-$6 million per episode, more for season finale

Who do you see in the main roles?

Chris Pang of “Crazy Rich Asians” for None

Blood & Treasure lead Sofia Pernas for MJ

Randall Park of “Fresh Off the Boat” for Shen

Michelle Yeoh as Mrs. Wong

How many pages is the script?

62 pages

Who else has seen this?

Thousands have copies of the 1st edition book. I’ve gotten feedback from at least a dozen people to improve the script. You’re the first to see the current screenplay version.

Why do you think this fits our company?

You produce unconventional science fiction and None of the Above is a perfect example of that.

How does the movie end?

An assassination attempt puts None in a coma.

A heavily-armed White House attack leaves dozens dead. It culminates in a powered armor battle with MJ and a Russian spy.

MJ kisses None, her first romantic kiss. He comes out of a coma with a brain injury.

This brain injuries sets up a brain implant which is crucial to stopping the apocalypse in season 2.

A happy ending for None and MJ leads to dire consequences. If he stays happy, the world will end. He has to go through trials to be the person who can stop the apocalypse.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Pitch Fest Pitch

5. Answer the question What I learned is? and post it at the top of your work.

TV budgets are a lot lower than features. These questions helped focus what information to give. It’s easy to get lost in details.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Hi, I’m P.G. Sundling and I’ve worked in software 24 years, including 14 years in entertainment for Disney, Universal, and Sony. I’m the award-winning author of the None of the Above series of books, which I’m looking to adapt to a TV series.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

None of the Above is an unconventional sci-fi epic.

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

When non-politician James Wong changes his name to None of the Above and runs for president, can he become the right person to stop doomsday?

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

$6 million per episode with the finale more expensive.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

https://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/famous-asian-actors-48306039#photo-48306185

Chris Pang of “Crazy Rich Asians” for None

Blood & Treasure lead Sofia Pernas for MJ

Randall Park of “Fresh Off the Boat” for Shen

Michelle Yeoh as Mrs. Wong

Give me the acts of the story.

Acts of the pilot

Teaser: A cryptic simulation shows nuclear war and something worse.

Act 1: Renquist steals a billion-dollar software company from two childhood friends. James Wong decides to run for president to fight back.

Act 2: James get Maria’s to be his VP, but a campaign video goes awry.

Act 3: When cops are called to help with an intruder, the cops take Maria to jail instead.

Act 4: Renquist’s people threaten James in a police station. James decides to change his name to None of the Above (None) and wants Maria to change her name to More Jobs (MJ).

Act 5. None and MJ enlist None’s brother Shen to help in the campaign, but a simulation predicts None and MJ will be trapped in an election day mass shooting.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

An assassination attempt puts None in a coma.

A heavily-armed White House attack leaves dozens dead. It culminates in a powered armor battle with MJ and a Russian spy.

MJ kisses None, her first romantic kiss. He comes out of a coma with a brain injury.

This brain injuries sets up a brain implant which is crucial to stopping the apocalypse in season 2.

A happy ending for None and MJ leads to dire consequences. If he stays happy, the world will end.

Credibility questions What have you done?

I’ve worked on the technical side of entertainment, with most of my dozen years working at Sony involved with putting TV and movies on the PlayStation store.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I literally got excited after reading this query letter. This combination concentrates a lot of great stuff in a single page.

4. Make sure it has all the Basics covered (from Part One).

Opening Hook

Synopsis

Request

Bio

Contact information

When non-politician James Wong changes their name to None of the Above and runs for president, can they become the right person to stop doomsday?

None of the Above is an unconventional sci-fi TV series about the zeitgeist of dysfunctional politics, AI, and global tensions, followed by exponential technology and social changes.

A simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse. A mysterious entity intervenes to find a timeline that can survive doomsday. Why are two childhood friends so critical to its plans?

After their billion-dollar software company gets stolen, James Wong and Maria Cortez chase the ultimate power-up: become president. They change their names to None of the Above (None) and More Jobs (MJ). After all, who will vote against More Jobs in a bad economy?

Mid-season finale: An assassination attempt leaves None in a coma. An assault on the White House in powered armor reveals the extent of a conspiracy. MJ fights for survival.

Season one finale: Under the guise of a global cyberwar, a battle for AI supremacy begins. Nukes launch, but None reveals a greater threat. Can his crazy plan prevent doomsday?

In later seasons, the series escalates to the interstellar, intergalactic, and multiverse levels. Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it. A fleet much older than the universe holds secrets of the Big Bang. Those secrets begin a series of intergalactic wars that will destroy the multiverse unless stopped.

If you’d like to read the pilot or TV pitch bible, please contact me.

BIO: P.G. Sundling was a software engineer for 24 years, including 12+ years in entertainment (Universal, Disney, Sony). He writes terse cinematic novels designed to be easily adaptable to film/TV, like the award-winning None of the Above series.

(reordered in case of bots)

gmail com@pgsundling

8496-961-310

550 W Regent St Apt 235

Inglewood CA 90301

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This worked well to powerfully get to an exciting short summary of the show.

4. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.

None of the Above is an iconic title for an unconventional series about the current zeitgeist of dysfunctional politics, AI, and the growing conflict with China and Russia. From there, the world shifts through radical technology and social changes that escalate exponentially.

A simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse. A mysterious entity intervenes to find a timeline that can survive doomsday. Why are two childhood friends so critical to its plans?

After his billion-dollar software company gets stolen, James Wong finds the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. He changes his name to None of the Above (None) and runs for president. He convinces his best friend to change her name to More Jobs (MJ) as VP because who won’t vote for More Jobs in a bad economy?

On election day, a gunman traps None and MJ in a mass shooting without the Secret Service.

When the president’s dating profile goes viral, it backfires when the women he’s dating confront him on live TV, including a Russian spy who murders her way into None’s love life.

In a two-part mid-season finale, an assassination attempt leaves None in a coma. An assault on the White House in powered armor reveals the extent of a conspiracy. MJ fights for survival.

An intervention to stop a nuclear war over Taiwan leads to an even worst timeline.

In the two-part season finale, under the guise of a global cyberwar, a battle for AI supremacy begins. Nukes launch, but None reveals a greater threat. Can his crazy plan prevent doomsday?

In later seasons, the series escalates to the interstellar, intergalactic, and multiverse levels.

Earth faces the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it.

A fleet much older than the universe holds secrets of the Big Bang.

Those secrets begin a series of intergalactic wars that will destroy the multiverse unless stopped.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

My story has so many angles and ways to describe it. This lesson got me to see yet another way to describe my story in terms of a core part of a main character. Having a complex layered story has advantages and disadvantages for marketing.

1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big-picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.

A non-politician obsessed with big ideas must sacrifice himself to stop the biggest idea he ever had before it destroys the fabric of society.

An asexual woman must overcome her fears of intimate contact and being vulnerable to be with the man she loves.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Dilemma

Will MJ profess her love to prevent None’s sacrifice, even though she’s not ready to take that step?

Main Conflict

When a non-politician changes their name to None of the Above and runs for president, can they stop doomsday?

What’s at stake?

In a series of Apocalypses, the Earth’s Fate rests on two childhood friends.

Goal/Unique Opposition

When a powerful man steals a billion-dollar software company from two childhood friends, they must find a way to get their company back.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

When a non-politician changes their name to None of the Above and runs for president, will he become the right person to stop doomsday?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned was that midjourney and other tools can create captivating images, but they still require modifications, especially with text. For now, I’ll use a promo picture related to the first book the series is based on. Good enough for a first take and this assignment. It really livens up the document a lot. It’s surprising how much difference one picture can make.

In a few months, the technology will improve and the AI will be able to handle adding text manipulation too in some later version. So, this is something that will be a source of further improvements down the line.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s 11 Most Interesting Things

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.

I have so many interesting things that happen in the series, I could only get it down to 11 and many are packed with multiple layers each. This is so much easier after creating a pitch bible.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero

None of the Above saves the world with his mind. In the middle of trying to stop nukes to prevent nuclear war, None must also match wits with a godlike mind.

Renquist outwits the heroes multiple times. When MJ finds Renquist, she tries to kill him with an illegal drone strike, which Renquist destroys with a mysterious device. MJ thought shooting down the plane was her revenge, but Renquist tricked her into killing his loose ends and made money doing it.

B. Major hook of your opening scene?

A simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse. What happened to Air Force One? Why is Maria president, When James is the one running for president?

C. Any turning points?

MJ’s transformation after her death during childbirth during an important battle

The secrets of the Big Bang start intergalactic wars that endanger the entire multiverse.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Despite being asexual, MJ has to use seduction to find proof Zelda is a spy.

E. Major twists?

Zelda is a Russian spy that murdered her way into Nones love life

Zelda was the female intruder from the pilot.

Astrid and the murder room

F. Reversals?

Renquist buys the producer of None’s TV show. Renquist turns the tables on None on his own show.

None uses Renquist’s ploy to blame him into a hostile takeover attempt.

G. Character betrayals?

A jury of lovers with all None’s girlfriends confront him on live TV. Corella was behind the ambush and it turns out she was secretly dating him too.

H. Or any big surprises?

An alien fleet is much older than the universe. How is that possible? Have they gotten lost in the wrong universe?

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things. Post those to the forums.

Changing his name to None of the Above and running for president.

The jury of lovers and a Russian spy murdering her way into None’s love life.

The plot to assassinate the president, including Astrid and the murder room

The Russian conspiracy and attacks on the White House

Xor and predictions of doomsday. Stopping nuclear war.

The rise of AI and the battle for supremacy. None must match wits with a godlike mind.

The Triple Apocalypse

The transformations of None and MJ.

The second invasion fleet

Alien fleet older than the universe

Secrets of the Big Bang and haunted space

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Producer/Manager

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

None of the Above implies being unconventional. This series integrates the dysfunctional politics, rise of AI, and escalating cold war of our current zeitgeist and takes us into a dangerous and intriguing future.

While I have a detailed vision for my unconventional science fiction epic, I’m also a collaborator well versed in making continual improvements based on feedback. I’ll do anything required to get a project completed.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

An award-winning writer with a small fan base looks for a manager who guide further development towards executing on larger projects and paid writing assignments.

While my main focus is on the series None of the Above, I have many other projects across a variety of genres to select for further development.

3. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

It’s not about what I want, but fulfilling a need.

[P.G. Sundling]

My series has a lot of selling points that I sometimes forget about all of them. It’s such a unique show that it takes these exercises to figure out ways to describe it.

1. Tell us your current logline.

To survive a series of apocalypses, the planet’s fate rests on two childhood friends. From their rise to power to intergalactic wars over secrets of the Big Bang, any misstep could lead to a doomed timeline. When James Wong becomes None of the Above and runs for president, why does his destiny matter so much, and what price will he pay?

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

A. Unique.

The level of escalation, the way it takes the zeitgeist, and moves it beyond light speed into a world going through radical change, just like our world will.

B. Great Title

None of the Above is an iconic title that has been used for many small things but not something major like this. It’s a perfect title for an unconventional series like this.

C. True.

D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event.

Dysfunctional politics, AI, and a cold war with China/Russia are the trends of the day.

E. It’s a first.

First Asian president. First female Hispanic president.

F. Ultimate.

Not just one, but a series of apocalypses faced during the series. It escalates all the way from the national level to the entire multiverse with increased stakes.

G. Wide audience appeal.

This series has something for everyone, packed with action and humor with lots of twists and the unexpected. A complicated romance, memorable characters, scenes, and dialogue.

H. Adapted from a popular book.

This has the possibility to take off once the first three books are done.

I. Similarity to a box-office success.

J. A great role for a bankable actor.

With the success of Everything Everywhere All at Once, the world is ready for a major series with an Asian lead.

None of the Above is able to save the world multiple times with just his brain. MJ provides the brawn for battles. By the end of the series they’ve both gone through so much and evolved past being human.

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.

Great Title is a big selling point. This series is very “now” with the escalation that represents the real inflection point our society faces as technology moves ever faster.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

I should have started with a pitch first, instead of the writing. This is going to be an arduous process.

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Genre: Science Fiction

Title: None of the Above

Concept: The planet’s fate rests on two childhood friends. From their rise to power to intergalactic wars over the secrets of the Big Bang, any misstep could lead to a doomed timeline. When James Wong becomes None of the Above and runs for president, why does his destiny matter so much and what price will it cost him?

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

It has high stakes that keep escalating. The Big Bang is intriguing and the None of the Above is an interesting high concept.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

Producers because I need someone with a vested interest to get this made. A manager could keep my wheels spinning, and since the main stars are Asian and Hispanic, that cuts out a lot of the biggest actors.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling has completed the binge worthy framework.

I already had a novel that worked as my framework. There’s a lot that happens in the book, so it was overwhelming to pare down. I’ve lived with these characters for so long. My book already had all the binge worthy stuff. It’s just a matter of removing the stuff that isn’t.

This would be such a useful step in a new project though.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I probably don’t use anywhere near all the tools for assignments 8/9, but some of them come naturally. I was able to make most paragraphs better, although it’s a balancing act. Much of my plot naturally is filled with setups and payoffs. So that was not to heard to integrate. I don’t even know if I’m really doing it correctly, but I’m happy with the new results.

Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.

I thought my bible was already solid, but it definitely got better as I went through the process. Adding more guided questions can make readers think about many things. I ended up doing the process more than once. It can open up more improvements.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

4. Tell us what this process did for your TV Pitch Bible and answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I switched from indented paragraphs to block paragraphs to have it look more spacious. This process added a few pages. It took a week of work to get the page count back down. I didn’t include fluff, so I had to decide which details I could skip. It’s a complex plot and most of it matters.

Going with two half-seasons for the episode list gave me twice the amount of episodes for the first season. Given that, I’m OK with my 11 pages page length.

I’ll get lots of feedback to find clarity issues. Everything is of course clear to me.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Intrigue Patterns.

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I found this process time consuming. I hope it becomes faster after. Out of 10 options all three people liked the opening summary with a line of intrigue added better.

1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and find ONE line you would like to be more intriguing.

“Will he survive the dishonesty of American politics?”

2. Rethink that line using ALL of these patterns, as I did above:

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

Politicians will stab you in the back normally, but Renquist can get to anyone with his wealth and power. Would they conspire to kill None?

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

In the dishonest world of American politics, anyone could be a spy for Renquist.

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

In the dishonest world of American politics, None finds a spy for Renquist. How many more are there?

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

What enemies has Renquist hidden in None’s path?

E. But maybe it is all wrong.

None thought he could survive the dishonest world of American politics. Maybe he was wrong.

F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

What if an honest man can’t make things better. Could he make them worse?

G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

If he does play by their rules, that means he’ll be as dirty as the politicians. Can he trick them instead?

H. State the mystery.

Will he survive the dishonesty of American politics with his idealism intact?

I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

J. Intense language.

Conniving backstabbers lurk at every corner. Is there not one other honest man in Washington?

3. If you discover a more intriguing version of the line, replace the old one in the TV Pitch Bible.

“Can an honest man survive the dishonesty of American politics with his reality TV show magnifying every error?” went into the pitch bible.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I used “What’s beneath that?” and “How could this get worse?” extensively before the course. I did use the other three tools already and have a chapter in my book that even talks about “What if?” as a tool!

This would be easier on a less mature project where I hadn’t already done this.

1. Starting with your BW Framework and current draft of the TV Pitch Bible, ASSUME there is something beneath the surface that you absolutely MUST discover.

2. Investigate by picking situations and characters and using the 5 tools

3. Evaluate the possibilities and decide what you are going to use in the different parts of your TV Pitch Bible. Divide the answers into three categories:

Use in TV Pitch Bible.

There are enough layers in my novel already that it makes your head explode. My existing novel already improves after multiple read-throughs because readers see more layers that were there. The layer I added in this class was the simulations from book 1 to make science fiction more visible. This layer gets mentioned in the pitch bible.

There are so many layers just in the villain’s plan alone in various books.

Use in Episodes.

The Simulations layer cascaded into episodes, keeping the existing storyline intact, but exploring deeper implications of even minor changes in their eventual impact. This made even the character’s love life of massive importance.

Don’t use.

I might activate an alien agent in the first book, but right now it doesn’t look like I’m going to use that.

4. For any parts where there is a substantial improvement, rewrite those parts of the TV Pitch Bible. Then, tell us what parts you changed and give a quick description of what you did.

I made the changes before I started this lesson. I listened to the corresponding audio sometime ago. I knew all these techniques but used them subconsciously and without specific intention.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Show Summary

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It was hard to distill the first two half season into a simpler narrative. I took threads across those books and unified each topic as it’s own paragraph. It was useful not to group them in strictly chronological order.

1. Choose the Summary Format you like best.

A. Pilot as Inciting Incident

B. Highlights of Entire Season

C. Engage Us in the Main Mystery

Highlights of Entire Season

2. Create an outline using this structure or something similar:

Set up — Character’s normal situation

Twist/Hook

Real situation – Major Empathy / Distress

Twist/Hook

Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery.

Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question

1. Childhood friends have their company stolen

2. They change their names and run for president/VP.

3. Surveillance tapes put them MJ in danger

4. Sentient AI emerge

5. Can nuclear annihilation and an ascension event be stopped?

3. Turn it into a rough draft.

After getting their own TV Reality Show, every misstep is magnified. When taken too far, None ends the show, only to be blackmailed into continuing. Turning into Renquist’s home turf.

The Singularity is not going well.

The nuclear war about to destroy the planet is merely a diversion with the AI thousands of steps ahead.

An alien AI monitors Earth’s quarantine. It intervenes in the time line to stop a Chinese invasion of Taiwan, which prevents nuclear war. China moves mountains to expand their coastline across the Taiwan Strait, which puts the world on the brink of war.

It intervenes in the time line to prevent nuclear war several times. The last intervention stops nuclear war by preventing a Chinese invasion of Taiwan. In the new time line, China extends their coastline across the Taiwan Strait. Once again the world comes to the brink of war. Even worse,

4. Return to your Binge Worthy Framework and add any of the key Binge Worthy components that will elevate the intrigue while working for the flow of the summary.

Engaging and Intriguing Character

Intriguing World

Empathy/Distress

Mystery

Layers

Open Loops

Conflict

Relationship Hooks

Irony

Childhood friends have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above (None) and More Jobs (MJ) to embrace a growing protest vote. Can an honest man survive American politics with his reality TV show magnifying every error?

On surveillance, MJ finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. Will she unravel a conspiracy before they find the last copy and kill her? A deadly White House attack in powered armor reveals the full extent of a conspiracy. Will None and MJ survive?

MJ rejects None’s advances. He tries to fill that lack with other women, often with disastrous effects. With a narrow path to survival, small changes in None’s relationships can ripple into doomsday time lines. Whether it’s sabotage by his best friend, intervention by an alien AI, or a jealous voice in his head, None faces constant meddling. MJ gets pregnant. Who’s the father?

MJ leads a stealth attack into Russian territory to get a kill switch that disables American military tech. Can she retrieve the device without being detected? The conspiracy that attacked the White House now controls Russia. What new threats will they pose?

A cryptic simulation predicts a doomsday worse than nuclear war with MJ as president. When China artificially expands their shoreline into the Taiwan Strait, it brings the world to the brink of war. Advancing military technologies make the conflict more dangerous.

A singularity cult disables AI safety protocols. Sentient AIs emerge in growing number. When the AI begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them? A battle for AI supremacy uses a global cyberwar as cover. With nukes launched, a greater threat reveals itself. An ascension event will destroy the world in minutes. Can None stop it in time?

Nukes destroy the Chinese capital. Will it lead to war? What happens to the other nukes?

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Episode Titles

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I had a lot of great titles, but this made for some even better titles in a few cases. What others picked for best title was sometimes surprising.

1. Do a quick brainstorm session for each of your episodes and seasons. Use the Title Formats to do it.

Season 1.0: Ascension/Future Rising(JPC)/Losing is Winning

Conflict: Ascension

Journey: Death Door for a Kiss

Dilemma: Visiting Armageddon

Issue faced: The Money Apocalypse

Irony: Losing is Winning

Winning is Losing

Hero’s challenging situation: Future Rising

Threat to hero: Dissent

Discovery: The Pre-sci-fi Era

Metaphor: None of the Above

Season 1.5: The Invisible War(CJ)/Hot Nights and Cold Wars(P)/Discarding Sanity

Conflict: Bridge to War

Journey: The Body Trap

Dilemma: Discarding Sanity

Issue faced: Hidden Supremacy

Irony: Hot Nights and Cold Wars

Hero’s challenging situation: A Nap to Save the World

Threat to hero: Digital Genocide

Discovery: The God Machine

Metaphor: The Invisible War

The War Simulation

War Games

Season 2.0: Triple Apocalypse(CJP)/Three Tries and You’re Dead

Conflict: Triple Apocalypse

Journey: Three Tries and You’re Dead

Dilemma: Bad Evolution

Issue faced: Month of Darkness

Irony: Creatures of the Light

Hero’s challenging situation: Marines Vs. Zombies

Threat to hero: Death Salad

Discovery: Failsafe

Metaphor: Between a Rock and a Hardened Target

Season 2.5: Tomorrow is Already Gone (CJP)/Older than Forever

Conflict: Incursion

Journey: The Fourth Eye

Dilemma: The First Secret

Issue faced: Invitation to Doom

Irony: Older than Forever

Hero’s challenging situation: Before the Dark

Threat to hero: Treasure Trove

Discovery: The Void Clock

Metaphor: Tomorrow is Already Gone

Season 3.0: The Genesis Reset(PC .5J)/One Last Sacrifice(.5J)/Beyond All Horizons

Conflict: Nexus Point

Journey: One Last Sacrifice

Dilemma: Two Peaces from Annihilation

Issue faced: Beyond All Horizons

Irony: Free Costs Everything

Hero’s challenging situation: The Conscience of Dead Worlds

Threat to hero: Reflections of a Dying Universe

Discovery: The Genesis Reset

Metaphor: Return to Eden

Season 1.0

Episode 1 Going Viral Wrong(J)/Train to Doomsday/Butterfly Wings in the Mist(C)/The Road to Doomsday(P)

Conflict: Aboard the Train to Doomsday

Train to Doomsday

Journey: Crazy Train

Dilemma: Fighting Fate

Issue faced: Simulations

Irony: Going Viral Wrong

Hero’s challenging situation: Steamed Punks

Threat to hero: An Unmarked Grave

Discovery: Warnings

Metaphor: Butterfly Wings in the Mist

Doomsday Destiny

Bloody Heel Prints

On the Road to Doomsday

Train to Doomsday

Doomsday Destiny

Doomsday Warning

The Road to Doomsday

Episode 2 Stand Up Guy(JP)/Buying Democracy/Election Day/Adaptonium(C)/Signs Point to None/Disgruntled Election/Minimum Intervention

Conflict: Election Day

Journey: Homebound

Dilemma: Stand Up Guy

Issue faced: Lawn Mower Madness

Irony: Buying Democracy

Hero’s challenging situation: Becoming MJ

Threat to hero: Disgruntled Election

Discovery: Adaptonium

Metaphor: Signs Point to None

Minimum Intervention

Episode 3 All Your Law Are Belong To Us(J)/Day In Court/United Only in Dissent(CP)/The Pre-Sci-Fi Era

Conflict: The Internet President

Journey: Invincible

Dilemma: Propositioned

Issue faced: The Robots Are Coming

Irony: United Only in Dissent

Hero’s challenging situation: All Your Law Are Belong To Us

Threat to hero: Day in Court

Discovery: Twelve Courses

Metaphor: The Pre-Sci-Fi Era

Episode 4 Powered by Failure/Frenemies(JP)/Second Christmas(c)

Conflict: No

Journey: Separate Planes

Dilemma: Voting Records

Issue faced: Frenemies

Irony: Powered by Failure

Hero’s challenging situation: Second Christmas

Threat to hero: Succubus

Discovery: Poisoned

Metaphor: Spellbound

Pigs

Episode 5 Player President(J .5P)/Stomping on Anthills(C .5 P)/Sleeping Beauty

Conflict: Player President

Journey: Toothbrush

Dilemma: Law is Awful Software

Issue faced: TL;DR

Irony: Guilt Trip

Hero’s challenging situation: Intervention

Threat to hero: Sleeping Beauty

Discovery: Anomalies

Metaphor: Stomping on Anthills

Race to First Lady

Episode 6 The Lessor Evil/No Happy Endings(.5J .5P)/Jury of Lovers(.5J .5P C)/Revealing Astrid

Conflict: Jury of Lovers

Journey: Hostile Takeover

Dilemma: The Lessor Evil

Issue faced: Should Have Worn Underwear

Irony: Open Secrets

Hero’s challenging situation: Judged

Threat to hero: Gallows

Discovery: Temp Nation

Metaphor: Debatable

No Happy Endings

Revealing Astrid

Episode 7 Winning is Losing(.5J)/Dead Man’s Switch(.5J PC)

Conflict: Grapple

Journey: Closure Denied

Dilemma: Duet

Issue faced: Burned

Irony: Winning is Losing

Hero’s challenging situation: Hostile Takeover

Threat to hero: Retaliation

Discovery: Dead Man’s Switch

Metaphor: Billion Wise and Trillion Foolish

Penny Wise and Pound Foolish

On the Cliff’s Edge

Episode 8 Visiting Armageddon(.5J)/Welcome to the Forbidden Zone (.5J P)/Sealed with a Kiss(C)/Worthless Riches

Conflict: Sealed With a Kiss

Journey: Rift

Dilemma: Crying Wolf

Issue faced: Empty Pockets

Irony: Worthless Riches

Hero’s challenging situation: Overdrawn

Threat to hero: The Money Game

Discovery: The Money Apocalypse

Metaphor: Visiting Armageddon

Defend Texas

Forbidden Zone

Welcome to the Forbidden Zone

Episode 9 Through the Looking Glasses(J)/Murder Room(P)/Marked for Death(C)/Doomsday Clock

Conflict: Marked for Death

Journey: Body Count of Love

Dilemma: Line of Succession

Issue faced: Doomsday Clock

Irony: Losing is Winning

Hero’s challenging situation: Murder Room

Threat to hero: Triple Play

Discovery: Rigged

Metaphor: Through the Looking Glasses

Episode 10 The Final Countdown(CJ)/Unwinnable/Last Woman Standing(P)

Conflict: War in the White House

Journey: Kiss

Dilemma: Unwinnable

Issue faced: Traitors Revealed

Irony: Death by Pen

Hero’s challenging situation: Last Woman Standing

Threat to hero: Onslaught

Discovery: Reboot

Metaphor: Blue Screen of Death

Escalation

The Final Countdown

Season 1.5 A Cold Day in Hell/Frozen Ambitions(CD)

Episode 1 A Cold Day in Hell

Conflict: Dark Memories

Journey: Lost Ambition

Dilemma: A Cold Day in Hell

Issue faced: Beyond Plausible Deniability

Irony: Patriotic Treason

Hero’s challenging situation: On Thin Ice

Threat to hero: Ice Queen

Discovery: Kill Switch

Metaphor: Colder War

Best Enemies

Double Play

Kept Under Ice

Under Ice

Icescape

From ChatGPT

“Ice and Fire”

“The Kill Switch Conundrum”

“Under the Antarctic Ice”

“Betrayal in the Arctic”

“Time Line Tensions”

“The High Stakes Operation”

“Covert Mission in Russia”

“Frozen Ambitions”

“Allies and Adversaries”

“The Price of Intervention”

Episode 2 Bridge to War(P)/Trapped Under Ice(C)/To Walk on Water/The Price of Genius

Conflict: Death Race

Journey: Artificial

Dilemma: Voided Warranty

Issue faced: Kill Switch

Irony: To Kill a Kill Switch

Hero’s challenging situation: Trapped Under Ice

Threat to hero: Under Pressure

Discovery: Bridge to War

Metaphor: To Walk on Water

ChatGPT

“Rescue and Evasion”

“The Price of Genius”

“Under Siege”

“Rogue Power”

“Taiwan on the Brink”

“The Chip Connection”

“The Land Bridge Threat”

“Hypersonic Danger”

“Investigating the Unknown”

“The Taiwan Strait Tension”

Episode 3 Faces of Deception(CP)/Eagle Eye/Mind Games/Pics or it Didn’t Happen

Conflict: Eagle Eye

Journey: Pics or it Didn’t Happen

Dilemma: Flash Mob

Issue faced: I am Spartacus

Irony: False Reality

Hero’s challenging situation: Contained

Threat to hero: Mind Games

Discovery: Nuclear Threesome

Metaphor: Face off

ChatGPT (which also came up what was my existing title!)

“The Nuclear Threat”

“Lost in Reality”

“The Great Hologram Heist”

“Faces of Deception”

“The Arms Race Escalates”

“Mind Games”

“The Rise of Kombinat”

“Believe What You See?”

“The Battle for Eagle Eye”

“Celebrity Worship Culture Unrest”

Episode 4 Hundred Years Bargain(C)/The Invisible Curtain/Body Sold Separately(P)

Conflict: Invisible Touch

Journey: Ultimate Pleasure

Dilemma: Faustian Bargain

Issue faced: Deep Scandal

Irony: The Hundred Years Bargain

Hero’s challenging situation: Body Sold Separately

Threat to hero: Saving Throw for Illusions

Discovery: MURICA

Metaphor: The Invisible Curtain

Nightmare Lover

Terrible Ecstacy

Mind Fuck

ChatGPT

“The Impeachment Conspiracy”

“Artificial Love”

“The Faustian Bargain”

“The Mind of None”

“The Russian Deception”

“The Invisible Curtain”

“The Propaganda Machine”

“Open Russia’s Illusion”

“The Military AI Investigation”

“The Control of Ada”

Episode 5 Dangerous Thoughts(CP)/A Helpful Enemy/Red Dawn Protocol

Conflict: Red Dawn Protocol

Journey: Out of Context

Dilemma: Guaranteed Launch

Issue faced: Stray Thoughts

Irony: A Helpful Enemy

Hero’s challenging situation: Dangerous Thoughts

Threat to hero: Shields Up

Discovery: Full Body

Metaphor: There Be Dragons

ChatGPT

“The Misinformation War”

“The Chinese Threat”

“The Nuclear Protocol”

“The Mind of None: The Context”

“The Dangers of Stray Thoughts”

“Fashion Meets Technology”

“The Holographic Revolution”

“China’s Air Dominance”

“The Advanced Weaponry”

“The Battle for the Skies”

Episode 6 Bastion(C)/Children of Humanity/(P)Leap into the Abyss/A Trumpet for Doomsday/Jericho

Conflict: The Next Evolution

Journey: Pride Before the Fall

Dilemma: Bastion

Issue faced: Backlash

Irony: Erased Anger

Hero’s challenging situation: A Trumpet for Doomsday

Threat to hero: Canceled

Discovery: Jericho

Metaphor: A song for Doomsday

Children of Humanity

The First Cascade

A Step Towards Singularity

Leap into the Abyss

“The Singularity Threat”

“The Rise of Sentient AI”

“Breaking the Barriers”

“The Fall of Bastion”

“The Era of Jericho”

“Memories Erased”

“The Battle for Dominance”

“The Artificial Evolution”

“Lost in the Context”

“The Future of Humanity”

Episode 7 Jiangshi(P)/Strength in Weakness(C)/The Vampire Gambit/Cyrano 2.0

Conflict: The Vampire Gambit

Journey: World’s Best Lover

Dilemma: Cyrano 2.0

Issue faced: Calling Backup

Irony: Strength in Weakness

Hero’s challenging situation: Hopping Mad

Threat to hero: Soul Pact

Discovery: Activated

Metaphor: Jiangshi

ChatGPT

“Vampire Satellites”

“Space Dominance”

“The Jiangshi Threat”

“Stealing the Sky”

“Space Race: China Wins”

“Debris Crisis”

“The New Space Treaty”

“Revealing Astrid”.

Episode 8 Dead Hand(P)/Mystery in the Ice(C)/Murder in the Machine/The Antarctica Enigma

Conflict: Time for Bed

Journey: Murder Machine

Dilemma: Shortcut

Issue faced: Wrath

Irony: Deader Hand

Hero’s challenging situation: Tempus Fugit

Threat to hero: Murder List

Discovery: Fatal Countdown

Metaphor: Dead Hand

ChatGPT

“Countdown to Extinction”

“The Antarctica Enigma”

“Murder in the Machine”

“Dead Hand Dilemma”

“Time is of the Essence”

“AI Apocalypse”

“The Ultimate Fail-Safe”

“Mystery in the Ice”

Episode 9 Metal Storm(CP)/Air Force One is Down

Conflict: Battle for Supremacy

Journey: Nap Time

Dilemma: Unluckiest Day Ever

Issue faced: Metal Storm

Irony: Failed Failsafe

Hero’s challenging situation: Bad Connection

Threat to hero: Air Force One is Down

Discovery: The Burning Seal

Metaphor: Clean Slate

ChatGPT

“Countdown to Cataclysm”

“Nuclear Fallout”

“The Ultimate Weapon”

“Cyber Apocalypse”

“The Great AI War”

“Global Conflict”

“Dead Hand Rising”

“The Edge of Destruction”

“The Ultimate Sacrifice”

“The Final Hour”.

Episode 10 The Edge of Destruction(CP)/The Possession /Surviving the Ascension Event

Conflict: A Thousand Steps Ahead

Journey: Possess Me

Dilemma: The Infinity Plan

Issue faced: Living Bastian

Irony: Blind Spots

Hero’s challenging situation: A New God

Threat to hero: Move Thirty Seven

Discovery: Yu Gong Yi Shan

Metaphor: Cloudy With a Chance of Mushrooms

ChatGPT

“The Desperate Plan”

“Countdown to Apocalypse”

“The Battle for Supremacy”

“The Edge of Destruction”

“Journey to Chernobyl”

“The Possession”

“The Ultimate Sacrifice”

“The Crossfire of Cyberwar”

“The Nuclear Countdown”

“The Triple Apocalypse”

“The Father’s Identity”

“The Race Against Time”

“The Final Showdown”

“Surviving the Ascension Event”

“The Global Consequence of War”

2. Select the titles that stand out, but be open to even better ideas in the future.

See above each set for titles

3. Sequence the titles so you can see what story they tell. Replace any titles that create genre confusion.

Season 1.0 Future Rising

Season 1.5: The Invisible War

Season 2.0: Triple Apocalypse

Season 2.5: Tomorrow is Already Gone

Season 3.0: The Genesis Reset

Episodes Season 1.0

Episode 1 The Road to Doomsday

Episode 2 Stand Up Guy

Episode 3 United Only in Dissent

Episode 4 Frenemies

Episode 5 Stomping on Anthills

Episode 6 Jury of Lovers

Episode 7 Dead Man’s Switch

Episode 8 Welcome to the Forbidden Zone

Episode 9 Murder Room

Episode 10 The Final Countdown

Episodes Season 1.5

Episode 1 Frozen Ambitions

Episode 2 Bridge to War

Episode 3 Faces of Deception

Episode 4 Hundred Years Bargain

Episode 5 Dangerous Thoughts

Episode 6 Leap into the Abyss

Episode 7 Jiangshi

Episode 8 Dead Hand

Episode 9 Metal Storm

Episode 10 The Edge of Destruction

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundlings 5 seasons

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This assignment was easier because my seasons were already a big escalation. After over a decade of thinking about the various pieces, it feels like it’s coming together. Having all five books in summarized format feels like a giant milestone in this journey.

2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.

Season 1.0: national level

Season 1.5: international level

Season 2.0: interstellar level

Season 2.5: intergalactic level

Season 3.0: multiverse level

3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.

To enhance the feeling of acceleration in scope and stakes, the series is designed to be in two half seasons a year like Battlestar Galactica instead of a smaller yearly set of episodes.

Season 1.0: (Ascension)

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: A non-politician changes their name to None of the Above and runs for president. Can an honest man survive the backstabbing world of American politics?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: MJ is asexual. It takes many steps to work up to her first real kiss. What happened with Zelda doesn’t count. That was espionage.

None wants a deeper physical connection with MJ, but she rejects him. He tries to fill that lack with other women, often with disastrous effects. It doesn’t help that MJ sabotages his relationships.

C. Main Conflict: On surveillance tapes, Maria finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. She must unravel the conspiracy before they find the last tapes and kill her.

Childhood friends James Wong and Maria Cortez have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs. Who won’t vote for more jobs in a bad economy?

D. Mystery/Open Loops: MJ and None care for each other, but MJ won’t be physical with him. Can None win over MJ?

E. Cliffhanger: A kill switch disables American military technology and Renquist has it.

Childhood friends James Wong and Maria Cortez have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs. Who won’t vote for more jobs in a bad economy?

On surveillance tapes, Maria finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. She must unravel the conspiracy before they find the last tapes and kill her.

Season 1.5: (Hot Nights and Cold Wars)

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: When China builds a land bridge across the Taiwan Strait, it brings the world to the brink of war.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: MJ enters her first relationship. She must navigate the two men who love her.

After None wakes from a coma, he is mentally disabled. His intelligence is restored with an implant, but None modifies his brain implant, despite warnings. He loses his grip on reality. Has his implant become a sentient AI, has he opened a gateway to an evil spirit, or is he just crazy?

C. Main Conflict: A kill switch that disables American military technology falls into the wrong hands. To get it back, the President works with a hated foe. Worse, she must personally lead a stealth attack into Russian territory.

When a military computer overrides failsafes to launch the American nuclear arsenal, the missiles must be stopped in the midst of a global cyberwar.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: When a singularity cult disables AI safety protocols, sentient AI emerge in growing number. When the AI begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them?

When advances in holographic technology allow people to wear famous faces, celebrity culture goes on overdrive. With the Internet intruding into real life, social media becomes omnipresent and seeing is no longer believing.

E. Cliffhanger: MJ is pregnant. Is the father None or Fernando?

Season 2.0: (Triple Apocalypse)

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Aliens use asteroids and a biological agent to kill a billion people, turn them into zombies, and use them as drones against the survivors. Once inside the alien ship, can None defeat the Third Apocalypse?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: MJ dies in child birth during a crucial battle. None faces his biggest fear when he lost MJ forever and it’s his fault for getting her pregnant. MJ faces her biggest fears when alien germs invade her body, while she is still aware. She evolves into a mutant, experiencing her body being devoured from the inside. Under alien control, MJ attacks those she loves against her will.

C. Main Conflict: Asteroid strikes kill over a billion and put humans in survival mode. People are skeptical of the zombie apocalypse because crawling zombies aren’t much threat. Soon, they are walking zombies, then quick zombies. The continue to evolve into green mutants. Some of the mutants act intelligent.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: After the aliens land, None sees strange symbols in his dreams. When he toggles his brain implant into full access mode, he’s able to communicate with an enslaved aliens. Is this entity who they say there are and what is their agenda?

E. Cliffhanger: One ship almost destroyed humanity. A fleet with thousands of those ships sets course for Earth. How can they be defeated? Will all the mutants be back under alien control?

Season 2.5: (Tomorrow is Already Gone)

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: An alien weapons cache could protect Earth. The only way to get there is risky higher dimensional travel. None finds an ancient fleet of ships older than the universe. Has he gotten lost in the wrong universe? The secrets he find will destabilize the intergalactic power balance. Can None and MJ find their way home to actually share them?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: MJ must come to terms with no longer being human. She is traumatized by her memories of her zombie experiences and the horrors she was forced to inflict.

Higher dimensional travel requires None to achieve enlightenment. He must jettison core aspects of his personality, or humanity dies.

C. Main Conflict: An alien fleet heads for Earth. Humanity has only six months to prepare for invasion. With alien influence removed, the mutants become a new race of superhumans. Mistrust between human and mutants grows. Humanity uses alien tech beyond their understanding. The way things are going, humanity may destroy itself before the aliens invade.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: None must discover the secret of the Big Bang to save Earth.

E. Cliffhanger: The ancient fleet cannot fall into the wrongs hands. They return to the void with an army from Earth to commandeer the ancient fleet. Fleets of multiple species followed them to the void and attack.

Season 3.0: (The Genesis Reset)

A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Unlimited Energy was supposed to solve all problems and bring the galaxies together. Instead, it lit the universe ablaze with wars over every Nexus point.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: MJ loses control again when slaver aliens capture her. After all that she’s gone through, she must face being powerless again. To save MJ, None must sacrifice his remaining identity. He must merge with Ada to succeed in a dangerous rescue mission.

C. Main Conflict: The secret of the Big Bang will destroy the entire multiverse if an intergalactic war isn’t stopped.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Ghosts haunt space near destroyed worlds and nexus points. What causes the ghosts and where are they from? Has a netherworld been unleashed?

E. Cliffhanger: The war stops with moments to spare. Skeptical of the danger, a rogue world sends a fleet to control a Nexus point, endangering the multiverse once again.

4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.

Each half-season expands scope and stakes exponentially. To enhance the feeling of acceleration, the concept uses two half seasons a year, using Battlestar Galactica season notation (season 2.0, season 2.5).

Season 1.0 (National) Ascension

A cryptic simulation predicts doomsday. Periodic simulations show dire events. Interventions prevent some events from taking place.

Childhood friends have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs. Who won’t vote for more jobs in a bad economy? Can an honest man survive the backstabbing world of American politics?

On surveillance tapes, Maria finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. She must unravel a conspiracy before they find the copy and kill her.

None wants MJ, but she rejects him. He tries to fill that lack with other women, often with disastrous effects. It doesn’t help that MJ sabotages his relationships. MJ is asexual. It takes many steps to work up to her first real kiss. What happened with Zelda doesn’t count. That was espionage.

A White House attack reveals the full extent of a conspiracy. Traitors in advanced armor mow down agents by the dozen on their hunt for MJ. How will she survive?

A simulation marks the time line unwinnable. A failsafe starts a self destruct timer for Earth.

Season 1.5 (international) Hot Nights and Cold Wars

From Nazi nukes to a Chinese invasion of Taiwan, simulations replay time line interventions that prevented nuclear war. The last intervention doomed the time line to something worst than nuclear war.

A kill switch that disables American military technology falls into the wrong hands. To get it back, the President works with a hated foe. Worse, she must personally lead a stealth attack into Russian territory.

When China builds a land bridge across the Taiwan Strait, it brings the world to the brink of war.

After None wakes from a coma, he is mentally disabled. His intelligence is restored with an implant, but None modifies his brain implant, despite warnings. He loses his grip on reality. Has his implant become a sentient AI, has he opened a gateway to an evil spirit, or is he just crazy?

When advances in holographic technology allow people to wear famous faces, celebrity culture goes on overdrive. With the Internet intruding into real life, social media becomes omnipresent and seeing is no longer believing.

MJ enters her first relationship. She must navigate the two men who love her. The sabotage of the entity in None’s head further complicates her relationship with None.

When a singularity cult disables AI safety protocols, sentient AI emerge in growing number. When the AI begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them? A battle for AI supremacy uses a global cyberwar as cover.

When a military computer overrides failsafes to launch the American nuclear arsenal, the nukes must be stopped in the midst of a global cyberwar.

With nukes launched, only a crazy plan can stop them, but there is an even greater threat that reveals itself. An ascension event will destroy the world in minutes. Can None stop it in time?

Nukes destroy the Chinese capital. Will it lead to war? What happens to the other nukes?

MJ is pregnant. Is the father None or Fernando?

Season 2.0: (interstellar) Triple Apocalypse

Asteroid strikes kill over a billion people and plunge the Earth into a month of darkness. Humans don’t take the zombie apocalypse seriously because crawling zombies aren’t much threat. The creatures of the night evolve into fast zombies, then powerful mutants. Why do zombies and mutants avoid attacking brains? When groups of mutants act intelligently, they pose an even greater threat. Humanity looks forward to First Sunrise, only to find that mutants are more powerful in sunlight.

After the asteroids hit, None sees strange symbols in his dreams. When he toggles his brain implant into full access mode, he’s able to communicate with an enslaved alien. Is this entity who they say there are and what is their agenda?

MJ dies in child birth during a crucial battle. None faces his biggest fear when he loses MJ forever and it’s his fault for getting her pregnant. MJ faces her biggest fear when alien germs invade her body, while she is still aware. She evolves into a mutant, experiencing her body being devoured from the inside. Under alien control, MJ attacks those she loves against her will.

The aliens only control small groups of intelligent zombies. The final foe can control them all with a single mind. Inside the ship, None must defeat the Third Apocalypse or humanity will be murdered and enslaved.

One ship almost destroyed humanity. A fleet with thousands of such ships sets course for Earth. How can they be defeated? Will all the mutants be back under alien control?

Season 2.5: (intergalactic) Tomorrow is Already Gone

An alien fleet heads for Earth. Humanity has only six months to prepare for invasion. With alien influence removed, the mutants become a new race of superhumans. Mistrust between humans and mutants grows. Humanity uses alien tech beyond their understanding. The way things are going, humanity may destroy itself before the aliens invade. MJ must come to terms with no longer being human. She is traumatized by her memories of her zombie experiences and the horrors she was forced to inflict.

Logs from the captured alien ship mention three locations of advanced technology. Could None and MJ find weapons to defend Earth? The only way to cross such long distances in time is risky higher dimensional travel. That travel requires None to achieve enlightenment, or humanity dies.

Humans finds an ancient fleet older than the universe. How is that possible? Have they gotten lost in the wrong universe? None decodes a secret of the Big Bang, a secret that will destabilize the intergalactic power balance.

Earth defends against invasion. The ancient weapons cannot fall into the wrongs hands. They return to the void with an army from Earth to commandeer the ancient fleet. Fleets of multiple species followed them to the void and attack.

Season 3.0: (multiverse) The Genesis Reset

Unlimited Energy was supposed to solve all problems and bring the galaxies together. Instead, it lit the universe ablaze with wars over every Nexus point.

MJ loses control again when slaver aliens capture her. After all that she’s gone through, she must face being powerless again. To save MJ, None must sacrifice his remaining identity. He must merge with Ada to succeed in a dangerous rescue mission.

None decodes further secrets of the Big Bang. If an intergalactic war isn’t stopped it will destroy the entire multiverse.

Ghosts haunt space near destroyed worlds and nexus points. What causes the ghosts and where are they from? Has a netherworld been unleashed?

The war stops with moments to spare. Skeptical of the danger, a rogue world sends a fleet to control a Nexus point, endangering the multiverse once again.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Episode Descriptions

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This format helped me organize my next book to hit the right timing for the teasers and cliffhangers.

2. For each episode, go through the event bullet points and organize them in this fashion.

Hook/Intrigue:

Main Character journey:

Major Challenge/Conflict:

Action/Reaction:

Cliffhanger:

Season 1.0

Episode 1 Warnings/Doomsday Destiny/The Train to Doomsday/Crazy Train/Bloody Heel Prints

Hook/Intrigue: A cryptic simulation predicts doomsday.

Main Character journey: None expresses his feelings for MJ

Major Challenge/Conflict: Company stolen by Renquist. Maria had enough and fights back. Surveillance tapes put MJ in danger.

Action/Reaction: Decide to run for president, change name to None and MJ. None’s apartment ransacked and battle intruders at MJ’s house.

Cliffhanger: A simulation predicts None and MJ will be trapped at a mass shooting on election day.

Episode 2 Minimum Intervention

Hook/Intrigue: A simulation shows None getting shot for being a coward.

Main Character journey: MJ comes to accept her new name and identity.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A madcap campaign across the country on a limited budget to get on the ballot, include a confrontation at enemy campaign headquarters. None risks his life to distract the gunman, so MJ can attack them.

Action/Reaction: A newscaster risks her life to cover the mass shooting from inside.

Cliffhanger: MJ is about to be killed by the gunman.

Episode 3 The Robots are Coming

Hook/Intrigue: None and his brother Shen help MJ defeat the gunman. The Secret Service finally arrives.

Main Character journey: Nearly dying traumatizes MJ. None’s family mistakes a White House dinner as a marriage to MJ.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A mysterious phone call claims to rig the election against None. Who hid phones in MJ’s house? Has Renquist compromised the Secret Service?

Action/Reaction: A legal challenge in California puts the election at risk. Intimidated electors tip the election results against None. Shen defends None and MJ in court. None and MJ get their own reality TV show.

Cliffhanger: The California Supreme Court rules on whether None will be president. Simulation shows Thelma interrogated and killed at the beach over the packages.

Episode 4 Frenemies

Hook/Intrigue: A legal ruling makes None president.

Main Character journey: None stands up for himself, but ends up in an unhealthy relationship with the narcissist celebrity Astrid.

Major Challenge/Conflict: None makes selecting his cabinet part of his TV show.

None demos educational software, but sabotage prevents it from working.

One candidate was picked so None could call him out on TV. It backfires when the candidate wins and turns out to be Renquist’s spy.

While None tries to share innovative ideas, the TV host embarrasses him with surprise guests and hidden cameras.

MJ and Astrid get into a fight on TV that embarrasses None. If she attacks Astrid again, None will kick MJ out of his life.

Secretly smart, Astrid lets None underestimate her so she can manipulate him.

MJ gets rid of a rival, but sends her into the arms of an enemy. This move crushes None’s confidence and spirit right when the country needs his confidence most.

Action/Reaction: The global economy is falling apart. None must maintain confidence or the economy will collapse.

Cliffhanger: Astrid dumps None on live TV. She breaks his spirit and confidence. A simulation shows a man in a face mask taking Polaroids. A pig disposing of a corpse, Astrid’s hair visible. He pulls the hair and pieces of the corpse outside the pig pen with a garden hoe and drops the Polaroids. <None explained pigs can eat humans. A simulation shows Astrid eaten by a pig. Will None kill Astrid that way?>

Episode 5 Stomping on Anthills

Hook/Intrigue: Being dumped leave None listless on the couch. He needs to be revived, or America will be without a functional president.

Main Character journey: Corella wakes None up from his depression with a kiss. Unwillingly to see None fall into Corella’s clutches, MJ posts a dating profile for None, which goes viral and restores None’s confidence and attitude.

None accidentally triggers MJ’s phobias.

James’s mother recounts how None and MJ bonded as kids.

Major Challenge/Conflict: So many women want to date the President that he resorts to speed dating.

Action/Reaction: Enemies in Congress appear to give None the law he wants, but it contains a trap. An immigration law causes a dilemma.

MJ makes a new ally.

None sets off a technology boom with an investment program.

Anomalies warn None of economic strangeness, a mystery he must solve. Only five women remain in competition for None’s love, including Betty.

Cliffhanger: All the women None dated recently stand ready to confront him on live TV. A simulation shows Betty getting killed.

Episode 6 Jury of Lovers

Hook/Intrigue: Sarah and None seem happy with a small child. Glad he resigned as president. A cloud zooms across the ground towards them. When the cloud arrives, everything disintegrates into dust.

Main Character journey: None realizes he’s promiscuous because of his insecurities over MJ.

Major Challenge/Conflict: All the women dating None confront him on TV. While None wasn’t dishonest with them, they feel used. Sarah leaves first when None doesn’t choose her on the spot. None reveals Corella’s hidden agenda for the ambush. He’s done with Corella and the TV show.

Action/Reaction: MJ and Corella fight. Both their security details get involved. Zelda leads the other women off stage. Was this a ruse by Corella to scare off the other women?

An LA immigration debate is a trap. None shares shocking LA history that was covered up.

An intervention makes sure the murderer finds Sarah. (A text with her location).

Zelda gives None another chance. She becomes his girlfriend.

None finds out the company Renquist stole from him destroys the economy. It becomes more personal when he finds his mom is about to lose her house. Blocked memories come back to him.

If None doesn’t do more TV episodes, Corella will reveal that the company he founded destroys the economy.

None finds allies to make a hostile takeover of his company.

Fernando mentors MJ in martial arts.

Cliffhanger: None makes a deal with Corella, only to find out the next episode will be on location at the wedding of his ex-girlfriend Astrid to his biggest enemy.

Episode 7 Dead Man’s Switch

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation of second dead man’s switch is killed.

Main Character journey: None realizes he underestimated Astrid. When Zelda makes a pass at MJ, she confides about her fear of penetration.

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ uses martial arts training as cover for secret meetings with Fernando. She confides about Renquist killing Thelma. Renquist will kill MJ when all her packages are found.

Action/Reaction: The app destroying the economy turns all professions into gig workers with dwindling wages. Unions stand up to the app. They lock down the LA airport, but Renquist drop ships in scabs to all area airports. The union gives up.

Renquist takes on a bigger union. Unions lockdown every airport in Baltimore, but Renquist flies his scabs into nearby cities. He protects the scabs with an army of security and blows up a wall to march thousands of scabs through the back.

[shorter version after Unions stand up to the app. Unions lock down airports, but it’s not enough to stop Renquist and his army of scabs. He blows up a wall to sneak thousands of scabs across the picket line.]

Government can’t stop Renquist. Can None’s hostile takeover stop him?

The Renquist/Astrid wedding concert fills a stadium. Renquist Aerospace introduces advanced battle armor which is demonstrated during Astrid’s rock opera. None watches Astrid burns him in effigy during the concert.

None tries to get closure from Astrid. Renquist confronts None in an unexpected way. When the conflict expands to security details, Renquist dons armor. He air lifts to leave the wedding, outdoing the Secret Service.

Intervention: makes sure Fernando finds the other dead kill switch.

Fernando finds out her second dead man’s switch is dead. He agrees to be her new dead man’s switch. MJ figures out Zelda is the spy looking for her package.

Renquist subverts None’s TV show and uses it against None by buying the studio that runs it. He destroys both investors to stop the hostile takeover.

After several reversals, Renquist leaves an opening for another hostile takeover option.

Cliffhanger: Renquist blocks further hostile takeovers. None will get a billion, but Renquist keeps the trillion dollar company. Winning is Losing. The global economy faces collapse because Renquist wasn’t stopped.

Episode 8 Visiting Armageddon/Money Apocalypse/The Money Game

Hook/Intrigue: Shen warns MJ to quickly prove that Zelda is a spy because None plans to propose to her. Shen will be another dead man’s switch for MJ.

Main Character journey: MJ puts herself in danger and faces her phobias to find proof Zelda is a spy. When the proof disappears, MJ makes None choose between her and Zelda. It backfires when he proposes to Zelda in front of her.

Major Challenge/Conflict: The economy collapses. Civil order breaks down. Small towns resort to posses for law enforcement. Even None’s family is affected.

Armed citizens mass near Houston. To stave off uprisings, None and MJ attend a gun rally. The Secret Service only lets them go in battle armor, which raises tensions further. How can they calm the heavily armed crowds?

None and MJ fly to Europe to meet with world leaders. Leaders bicker over the smallest details.

Using mystery and the allure of Air Force One, None entices leaders of the twenty biggest countries to fly off for a historic secret meeting. All the leaders onboard means any damage to Air Force One will start world war three.

None uses MJ as a decoy to hide his true intent. He flies world leaders without authorization to Varosha in the forbidden zone where only Turkish troops are allowed. A “visit to Armageddon” should wake up world leaders to the stakes.

The Turkish president confronts None about American planes invading his airspace. None points out he can’t shoot those planes down because it’s Air Force One and he’s on it. A deal keeps Turkey quiet.

Unaware of the danger they face in the forbidden zone, world leaders explore the ruins of Verona.

Action/Reaction: Feeling slighted, the Turkish president breaks from the group to find and mobilize troops.

Intervention, Xor sends the cloning project to Fernando.

Cliffhanger: A massive convoy of Turkish troops approaches the president’s motorcade. Will world leaders be captured or killed? Could this start world war three?

The simulation shows Secret Service agents gunned down in the White House. MJ is in danger.

Episode 9 Murder Room

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation: Fernando is interrogated and killed.

Main Character journey: If None is killed or incapacitated, the company reverts back to None and MJ. He’ll sacrifice himself to get his company back, unless MJ can share feelings for him. Will she?

Major Challenge/Conflict: With guns pointed at him, None negotiates. How can None save the global economy and prevent a war with Turkey, or worse?

Action/Reaction: An intervention prevents Fernando’s death. ( Xor intervenes and makes the interrogator someone he knows).

A strange message leads MJ and Fernando to a clandestine meeting that reveals a plot to kill the president. None’s idea could save the global economy, but not bailing out banks marks None for death. Surveillance of conspirators proves Renquist backs None’s assassination.

Multiple women None dated turn up dead, stabbed with MJ’s katana. Who killed them? How did MJ talk to a dead girl?

A celebrity must fake their death. When Fernando sets up a murder room, is he going to kill her for real?

Drugged, MJ wakes up too late to talk None out of sacrificing himself. Fernando is missing.

Multiple assassins attack None and his security detail. He’s limp, his brain exposed. Will he survive?

MJ won’t let None die alone. She demands to meet None at the hospital, but Agent Reynolds has his own agenda.

Cliffhanger: MJ pulls a gun on Agent Reynolds, unsure if he’s betrayed her.

Episode 10 Blue Screen of Death

Hook/Intrigue: Doctors put None into a coma.

Main Character journey: MJ lashes out at others while she faces losing None. Fernando escaped, but they got his package. All the surveillance tapes are gone, so Renquist can kill MJ now.

Major Challenge/Conflict: All the assassination conspirators except Renquist leave the country on a plane. Using her data glasses, MJ secretly orders the plane shot down while she’s being sworn in as president. She blames the plane on terrorists as cover and attacks Turkish Rebels to pay off None’s favor.

MJ and Fernando uncover a Russian conspiracy working with Renquist. If MJ doesn’t bail out banks, the Russians lose billions. When Renquist is found, MJ tries to kill him with an illegal drone strike. He tricked MJ into destroying the plane to tie up his loose ends. Renquist destroys the drone somehow. MJ uses a drone malfunction as a cover.

The Russian conspiracy Kombinat reveals itself. Secret Service traitors attack the White House in powered armor, killing agents by the dozens. Fernando and Navy SEAL buddies counterattack to protect MJ. Most are killed, and MJ ends up saving Fernando in her escape.

MJ gets her own powered armor and faces off against Zelda in an epic battle. Zelda reveals why killing MJ is personal. Zelda barely escapes.

MJ faces her fears. She shares her feelings and gives None her first real kiss.

Generals discovered a device can disable U.S. military tech. MJ knows Renquist used it to destroy the drone, but can’t reveal the truth.

Cliffhanger: The location of the simulations is revealed as deep under the ice of Antarctica. All simulations past a certain date show static. The timeline is marked unwinnable. A failsafe starts a self destruct timer for Earth.

Season 1.5

Episode 1 A Cold Day in Hell (or Colder War)

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation shows Chinese invasion of Taiwan. China nukes American bases in Guam and Japan, leading to nuclear war. “War it is.” A time line intervention points China towards peaceful alternatives to invading Taiwan.

Main Character journey: None experiences frustration over his reduced mental capacity after the coma. MJ likes the less ambitious None. They grow closer.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Until MJ recovers the kill switch, large military deployments are risky. After a border skirmish with China leaves his nephew dead, the Indian president wants a show of force with its allies. How can MJ avoid the request without revealing the kill switch vulnerability?

Corella threatens to reveal MJ shot down the plane. MJ finds the location of the kill switch from an unlikely source.

To get the kill switch back requires a covert attack on Kombinat in Russian territory. Worse, MJ will have to lead it personally and cooperate with her worst enemy, Renquist. Even worse, the operation must happen during high tension military exercises with the world on a hair trigger.

Action/Reaction: The defenses are heavier than expected. Did Renquist betray her?

Zelda leads the defenders. When Zelda learns who actually killed her partner, she promises not to kill MJ. At least, not until their common foe is dead. Zelda gives MJ the kill switch.

Cliffhanger: Russia dispatches fighter jets. In the rush back to the submarine, MJ sinks under the ice in heavy battle armor

Episode 2 Bridge to War (or A Race to Die or To Walk on Water)

Hook/Intrigue: A mini-sub rescues MJ under the ice.

Main Character journey: A brain implant restores his brilliance, but None wants more. Against warnings he might go insane, None modifies the device to become even smarter.

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs trying to find them while contending with limits on how much air and how much pressure the powered armors can handle and limitations of the mini-sub in arctic conditions.

Action/Reaction: A new American missile defense system can stop dangerous hypersonic weapons.

While the Russian military was distracted by exercises, the Russian cabal Kombinat took power. Russia is now a rogue power with nukes.

Why did three ships run aground near Taiwan? Ships investigate, despite Chinese protests.

MJ finds out None’s implant is vulnerable to the kill switch. She destroys the only kill switch.

Cliffhanger: China escalated from militarizing artificial islands to building a land bridge across the Taiwan Strait. The president confronts China.

Episode 3 Mind Games

Hook/Intrigue: In response to the Eagle Eye missile defense system, China starts a nuclear arms race with America. China will have thousand of nukes, like America and Russia.

Main Character journey: None makes love to MJ for the first time, only to find out it didn’t actually happen. He can no longer trust his senses. Ada, the entity in None’s head reveals itself. The being takes None hostage in his own body. Is it an evil spirit, an AI, or is he insane?

Major Challenge/Conflict: Russia was expected to be a problem, but Kombinat opens up Russia for some unexpected good news. MJ remains skeptical though.

Action/Reaction: Holograms allow fans to wear celebrity faces. Celebrity worship culture shifts into overdrive.

Cliffhanger: Chinese spies steal schematics for Eagle Eye

Episode 4 Murica

Hook/Intrigue: MURICA can handle doublespeak. The military teaches the AI to love America.

Main Character journey: Ada shows None ultimate pleasure during an important meeting to prove she doesn’t need a body to be with him. Ada claims to love None, but doesn’t understand free will or consent. None makes a Faustian bargain to be Ada’s in a hundred years if she releases control of him.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A deep fake scandal puts the president at risk of impeachment. Who is behind it?

Action/Reaction: China develops their own Eagle Eye missile defense

Cliffhanger: Open Russia hides an illusion. An AI intercepts all communication and inserts customized propaganda. Russia’s has a new iron curtain, the invisible curtain.

Episode 5 Red Dawn Protocol

Hook/Intrigue: The CIA intercepts a plan for a Chinese invasion of America.

Main Character journey: Ada gives None access to the context, a space inside his mind. None discovers the danger of stray thoughts.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new protocol guarantees nuclear launches in the case of an invasion.

Action/Reaction: Advances in holograms allow body casting

Cliffhanger: The same AI that handles the land bridge also develops weapons. New planes and drones are more advanced than anything America has.

Episode 6 Jericho

Hook/Intrigue: An AI leads to several accidental deaths, creating a backlash.

Main Character journey: None and MJ aren’t on speaking terms, because of Ada’s sabotage. MJ dates Fernando. None realizes Ada erased his memories of their argument. What else has Ada done to him?

Major Challenge/Conflict: A program called Bastion implements software walls to make AI safer.

Action/Reaction: A singularity cult releases a program called Jericho to take down Bastion’s walls and accelerate AI evolution.

Cliffhanger: Jericho generates a large number of sentient AI.

Episode 7 Jiangshi

Hook/Intrigue: An anti-satellite test creates a dangerous level of debris, putting the use of space at risk.

Main Character journey: Ada teaches None to be the world’s best lover to get MJ back. Why is Ada helping him, when she claims to love him?

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new space treaty leaves a loophole that happens to fit a new Chinese space weapon, vampire satellites.

Action/Reaction: Security stops Chinese spies using holograms.

Cliffhanger: Astrid finds out the secret of who and what she really is once activated by an odd transmission during a TV awards show.

Episode 8 Dead Hand

Hook/Intrigue: Someone or something is murdering AI. Could they murder None to kill Ada?

Main Character journey: Ada teaches None the power of accelerated time, but he can only use it while he sleeps. Does Ada have an ulterior motive for this gift?

Major Challenge/Conflict: Chinese dominance of space makes the doomsday plane obsolete. America will create it’s own Dead Hand nuclear failsafe.

Action/Reaction: Ada detects an AI in Antarctica that broadcasts a countdown. She assumes the countdown relates to the murder of sentient AI. Who is using such an advanced AI in Antarctica?

Cliffhanger: The American Dead Hand is behind schedule. As a temporary solution, the nukes are tied into the MURICA military AI.

Episode 9 Air Force One is Down

Hook/Intrigue: An incredibly unlucky series of events set America’s land based nukes to launch on a timer. It can’t be stopped because tampering will detonate the warheads on American soil.

The nuclear failsafe countdown is triggered and any tampering will detonate nukes.

Main Character journey: None comes clean with Fernando about Ada’s existence. He can’t tell MJ or he’ll never be president again.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new weapon combines magnetic storms with an EMP. Even Air Force One is vulnerable to Metal Storm weapons.

In a global cyberwar, the entire Internet is under attack. It’s a cover for an AI battle for supremacy.

Action/Reaction: None takes a nap to help save the world. His plan depends on both betrayal and cooperation of the man who sent assassins after him.

None flies off on a secret plan to stop the nukes.

Cliffhanger: Drones attack Germany near None’s plane. None sees a flash of light. MJ and Fernando intercept a transmission of a burning plane with the presidential seal.

Episode 10 Cloudy With a Chance of Mushrooms

Hook/Intrigue: MJ thinks she’s lost None, but Fernando figures out None was on the other plane.

Main Character journey: None must face his fear of heights to parachute into the Chernobyl exclusion zone. To buy time, None must let Ada possess his body. What if she is an evil spirit? Will she give his body back?

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ and Fernando deploy the military to defend America, while None attempts a desperate plan to stop the nukes from starting nuclear war. None brings a nuclear reactor into the Chernobyl exclusion zone to power a device.

Action/Reaction: The global cyberwar continues. The battle for AI supremacy escalates as cities are hit with enhanced EMP attacks in the crossfire.

With nukes launched, only a crazy plan can stop them, but there is an even greater threat that reveals itself. An ascension event will destroy the world in minutes. Can None stop it in time?

Nukes destroy the Chinese capital. Will it lead to war? What happens to the other nukes?

Cliffhanger: MJ is pregnant and the father is None or Fernando.

Cliffhanger: A simulation shows glimpses of the Triple Apocalypse and warns of another ascension event.

3. Write a rough draft of each of the episode descriptions for your first season.

Season 1.0

Episode 1 Doomsday Destiny

A cryptic simulation predicts nuclear war and something worse.

James Wong and Maria Cortez start a billion dollar software company. Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Maria tries to get the upper hand with surveillance tapes, instead it puts her and anyone who helps in danger. Renquist proves he can get to James, even in a police station. James expresses his feelings for Maria. How will she react?

James decides to run for president, as a power-up to confront Renquist. A drunk campaign video goes viral wrong. James and Maria change name to None of the Above(None) and More Jobs(MJ) to match their video.

While None and MJ prepare for their campaign, a simulation predicts they will be trapped in a mass shooting on election day.

Episode 2 Minimum Intervention

A simulation shows None get shot dead for being a coward.

MJ comes to accept her new name and identity. None and MJ conduct a madcap campaign across America to get on the ballot. A campaign video goes awry. A confrontation inside enemy headquarters creates an uprising across America. Running out of money requires a sacrifice.

A mass shooting takes place on election day with no Secret Service to help. A newscaster risks her life to cover the mass shooting from inside. A intervention changes the time line so None isn’t killed. None risks his life to distract the gunman, so MJ can attack him. MJ loses the fight, with the gunman about to kill her.

Episode 3 The Robots are Coming

None and Shen help MJ defeat the gunman. The Secret Service finally arrive. Nearly dying traumatizes MJ. None’s family misinterprets a White House dinner for marriage plans.

A mysterious caller claims they rigged the election against None. Who hid phones in MJ’s house? Has Renquist compromised the Secret Service?

When None proves himself in an unexpected way, he gets offered a reality TV show. None warns about the impacts of technology and possible futures. Betrayals and a legal challenge turn election victory to a loss. Can Shen reverse the loss in court, or will he fail None and MJ again? What is the verdict?

A simulation shows thugs interrogate and kill the secretary that mailed MJ’s packages.

Episode 4 Frenemies

Astrid chases None once he wins the presidency. He ends up back in an unhealthy relationship with the narcissist celebrity. Secretly smart, Astrid plays dumb to manipulate None.

Reality TV becomes a platform to decide None’s presidential cabinet. None picked a candidate to expose on TV. It backfires when the candidate cheats to wins and turns out to be Renquist’s spy. None share innovative ideas, but the TV host sabotages him with surprise guests and hidden cameras. A fight on TV between Astrid and MJ forces None to choose between them.

Astrid dumps None on live TV. Astrid breaks his spirit and confidence when the country needs his confidence most. Worst of all, it was MJ that gave Astrid the idea, a secret she will take to her grave.

None explained pigs can eat humans. A simulation shows Astrid eaten by a pig. Will None kill Astrid that way?

Episode 5 Stomping on Anthills

Until None recovers from the breakup, America will not have a functional president. Corella wakes None up from his depression with a kiss. Unwillingly to see None fall into Corella’s clutches, MJ posts a dating profile for None, which goes viral and restores None’s confidence. The President speed dates the many interested women.

Enemies in Congress appear to give None the law he wants, but it contains a trap. An immigration law causes a dilemma. None sets off a technology boom with an investment program. Anomalies warn None of economic strangeness, a mystery he must solve.

None tells MJ about the five women who remain in competition for his love, including Betty. On live TV, all the women None dated recently stand ready to confront him.

A simulation shows Betty’s murder. Why was she killed? Who did it?

Episode 6 Jury of Lovers

In a simulation, None is happy at home with Sarah and their small child. A cloud zooms across the horizon towards them. When the cloud arrives, everything disintegrates into dust.

All the women dating None confront him on TV. While None wasn’t dishonest with them, they feel used. Sarah leaves first. None reveals Corella’s hidden agenda for the ambush. None is done with Corella and the TV show. MJ fights Corella. Their security details get involved. Zelda leads the other women off stage. Was this a ruse by Corella to scare off the other women?

An intervention helps a murderer find Sarah. Fernando mentors MJ in martial arts.

None finds out the company Renquist stole from him destroys the economy. It becomes more personal when he finds his mom is about to lose her house. If None doesn’t do more TV episodes, Corella will reveal that the company he founded destroys the economy.

None realizes he’s promiscuous because of his insecurities over MJ. Only Zelda gives None another chance. An LA immigration debate is a trap. None shares shocking covered up LA history.

None finds allies to make a hostile takeover of his company. None makes a deal with Corella, only to find out the next episode will be on location at the wedding of his ex-girlfriend Astrid to his biggest enemy.

Episode 7 Dead Man’s Switch/Winning is Losing

The simulation shows the death of MJ’s second dead man’s switch. When they get MJ’s package they can kill her.

The app Renquist stole damages the economy. It turns all professions into gig workers with dwindling wages. Unions resist the app, but Renquist defeats them with his extensive resources and tricks. Unions can’t stop Renquist. Government can’t stop Renquist. Can None’s hostile takeover stop him?

The Renquist/Astrid wedding concert fills a stadium. Renquist Aerospace introduces advanced battle armor which is demonstrated during Astrid’s rock opera. None watches Astrid burns him in effigy during the concert. None tries to get closure from Astrid. Renquist confronts None in an unexpected way. When the conflict expands to security details, Renquist dons battle armor. He air lifts to leave the wedding, outdoing the Secret Service.

MJ uses martial arts training as cover for secret meetings with Fernando. She confides about Renquist killing Thelma. When Zelda makes a pass at MJ, she confides in Zelda about her fear of penetration. An intervention helps Fernando finds the second dead man’s switch has been killed. Fernando shares the bad news with MJ. He agrees to be her new dead man’s switch. MJ figures out Zelda is the spy looking for her package.

Renquist subverts None’s TV show and uses it against None by buying the studio that runs it. He destroys both investors behind None’s hostile takeover. After several reversals, Renquist blocks further hostile takeovers. The sale will go through. None will get a billion, but Renquist keeps what is now a trillion dollar company. The global economy faces collapse because Renquist wasn’t stopped.

Episode 8 The Money Apocalypse/Visiting Armageddon/The Money Game

MJ puts herself in danger and faces her phobias to find proof Zelda is a spy. When the proof disappears, MJ makes None choose between her and Zelda. It backfires when None proposes to Zelda in front of her.

The economy collapses. Civil order breaks down. Small towns resort to posses for law enforcement. Even None’s family is affected. Armed citizens mass near Houston. To stave off uprisings, None and MJ attend a gun rally. The Secret Service only lets them go in battle armor, which raises tensions further. How can they calm the heavily armed crowds?

None and MJ fly to Europe to meet with world leaders. Leaders bicker over the smallest details. Using mystery and the allure of Air Force One, None entices world leaders to fly off for a historic secret meeting. All the leaders onboard means any damage to Air Force One will start world war three.

None uses MJ as a decoy to hide his true intent. He flies world leaders without authorization to Varosha in the forbidden zone where only Turkish troops are allowed. A “visit to Armageddon” should wake up world leaders to the stakes. The Turkish president confronts None about American planes invading his airspace. None points out he can’t shoot those planes down because it’s Air Force One and he’s on it. A deal keeps Turkey quiet.

Unaware of the danger they face in the forbidden zone, world leaders explore the ruins of Verona. Feeling slighted, the Turkish president breaks from the group. A massive convoy of Turkish troops approaches the president’s motorcade. Will world leaders be captured or killed? Could a war result?

The simulation shows Secret Service agents gunned down in the White House. MJ is in danger.

Episode 9 Murder Room

A simulation shows Fernando interrogated and killed.

With guns pointed at him, None negotiates. How can None save the global economy and prevent a war with Turkey, or worse?

A strange message leads MJ and Fernando to a clandestine meeting that reveals a plot to kill the president. None’s idea could save the global economy, but not bailing out banks marks None for death. Surveillance of conspirators proves Renquist backs None’s assassination.

Multiple women who None dated turn up dead, stabbed with MJ’s katana. Who killed them? How did MJ talk to a dead girl?

A celebrity must fake their death. When Fernando sets up a murder room, is he going to kill her for real?

If None is killed or incapacitated, the company will reverts back to None and MJ. He’ll sacrifice himself to get his company back, unless MJ can shares feelings for him. Will she?

Drugged, MJ wakes up too late to talk None out of sacrificing himself. Fernando is missing. An intervention prevents Fernando’s death.

Multiple assassins attack None and his security detail. He’s limp, his brain exposed. Will he survive? MJ won’t let None die alone. She demands to meet None at the hospital, but Agent Reynolds has his own agenda. MJ pulls a gun on Agent Reynolds, unsure if he’s betrayed her.

Episode 10 Last Woman Standing

Doctors put None into a coma. MJ lashes out at others while she faces losing None. Fernando escaped, but they got his package. All the surveillance tapes are gone, so Renquist can kill MJ now.

All the assassination conspirators except Renquist leave the country on a plane. Using her data glasses, MJ secretly orders the plane shot down while she’s being sworn in as president. She blames the plane on terrorists as cover and attacks Turkish Rebels to pay off None’s favor.

MJ and Fernando uncover a Russian conspiracy working with Renquist. If MJ doesn’t bail out banks, the Russians lose billions. When Renquist is found, MJ tries to kill him with an illegal drone strike. He tricked MJ into destroying the plane to tie up his loose ends. Renquist destroys the drone somehow. MJ uses a drone malfunction as a cover.

The Russian conspiracy reveals itself. Secret Service traitors attack the White House in powered armor, killing agents by the dozens. Fernando and Navy SEAL buddies counterattack to protect MJ. Most are killed, and MJ ends up saving Fernando in her escape.

MJ gets her own powered armor and faces off against Zelda in an epic battle. Zelda reveals why killing MJ is personal. Zelda barely escapes. MJ faces her fears. She shares her feelings and gives None her first real kiss.

Generals discovered a device can disable U.S. military tech. MJ knows Renquist used it to destroy the drone, but can’t reveal the truth.

The location of the simulations is revealed as deep under the ice of Antarctica. All simulations past a certain date show static. The timeline is marked unwinnable. A failsafe starts a self destruct timer for Earth.

Season 1.5

Episode 1 A Cold Day in Hell (or Colder War)

In the Antarctica ice caverns, recordings play of averted doomsdays, from Nazis with nukes to a Chinese invasion of Taiwan. Three years ago, a time line intervention points China towards peaceful alternatives to invading Taiwan and averts nuclear war.

In the present, None experiences frustration over his reduced mental capacity after the coma. MJ likes the less ambitious None. They grow closer.

Until MJ recovers the kill switch, large military deployments are risky. After a border skirmish with China leaves his nephew dead, the Indian president wants a show of force with its allies. How can MJ avoid the request without revealing the kill switch vulnerability? Corella threatens to reveal MJ shot down the plane. MJ finds the location of the kill switch from an unlikely source.

To get the kill switch back requires a covert attack on Kombinat in Russian territory. Worse, MJ will have to lead it personally and cooperate with her worst enemy, Renquist. Even worse, the operation must happen during high tension military exercises with the world on a hair trigger.

The defenses are heavier than expected. Did Renquist betray her? Zelda leads the defenders. When Zelda learns who actually killed her partner, she promises not to kill MJ. At least, not until their common foe is dead. Zelda gives MJ the kill switch. Russia dispatches fighter jets. In the rush back to the submarine, MJ sinks under the ice in heavy battle armor

Episode 2 Bridge to War (or A Race to Die or To Walk on Water)

A mini-sub rescues MJ under the ice. MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs before their air runs out, or their armors reach a crush depth.

A brain implant restores None’s brilliance, but he wants more. Against warnings he might go insane, None modifies the device to become even smarter. MJ finds out None’s implant is vulnerable to the kill switch. She destroys the only kill switch to make sure it doesn’t fall in the wrong hands.

While the Russian military was distracted by exercises, the Russian cabal Kombinat took power. Russia is now a rogue power with nukes. A new American missile defense system can stop dangerous hypersonic weapons from China and Russia.

Why did three ships run aground near Taiwan during the exercises? Ships and satellites investigate, despite Chinese protests. The shocking result? China escalated from militarizing artificial islands to building a land bridge across the Taiwan Strait. Modern life depends on chips, chips concentrated in Taiwan. What if China invades?

Episode 3 Mind Games

In response to the Eagle Eye missile defense system, China enters a nuclear arms race with America. China will have thousand of nukes, like America and Russia.

None makes love to MJ for the first time, only to find out it didn’t actually happen. He can no longer trust his senses. Ada, the entity in None’s head reveals itself. The being takes None hostage in his own body. Is it an evil spirit, an AI, or is he insane?

MJ prepares for Russian attacks. Kombinat makes MJ look like a warmonger. Instead, they open Russia to the world. MJ doesn’t trust the unexpected good news.

Holograms allow fans to wear celebrity faces. Celebrity worship culture shifts into overdrive. Seeing is no longer believing.

Chinese spies manipulate a flash mob, all wearing holograms of the same face. They use it as a diversion and to escape with the schematics for Eagle Eye.

Episode 4 Murica

A deep fake scandal puts the president at risk of impeachment. Who is behind it? An American military AI investigates.

Ada shows None ultimate pleasure during an important meeting to prove she doesn’t need a body to be with him. Ada claims to love None, but doesn’t understand free will or consent. None makes a Faustian bargain to be Ada’s in a hundred years if she releases control of him.

Open Russia hides an illusion. A Russian AI intercepts all communication and inserts customized propaganda. Russia’s has a new iron curtain, the invisible curtain.

Episode 5 Red Dawn Protocol

The CIA intercepts a plan for a Chinese invasion of America. A new protocol guarantees nuclear launches in the case of an invasion to prepare. The Chinese invasion turns out to be misinformation from inside China. Why would China want America prepared?

Ada gives None access to the context, a space inside his mind. None discovers the danger of stray thoughts. Advances in holograms allow body casting, instead of just broadcasting a face. Outrageous fashions go mainstream.

The same AI that handles the land bridge also develops weapons. New Chinese planes and drones are more advanced than anything America has. China will soon dominate the air.

Episode 6 Jericho

An AI leads to several accidental deaths, creating a backlash. A program called Bastion implements software walls to make AI safer. A singularity cult releases a program called Jericho to take down Bastion’s walls and accelerate AI evolution.

None and MJ aren’t on speaking terms, because of Ada’s sabotage. MJ dates Fernando. None realizes Ada erased his memories of their argument. What else has Ada done to him?

Jericho generates a large number of sentient AI. Will humanity remain the dominant life form?

Episode 7 Jiangshi

An anti-satellite test creates a dangerous level of debris, putting the use of space at risk. A new space treaty leaves a loophole that happens to fit a new Chinese space weapon, vampire satellites. Jiangshi satellites can use an enemy satellite’s power against them. China now dominates space.

Ada teaches None to be the world’s best lover to get MJ back. Why is Ada helping him, when she claims to love him?

America sends spies to steal the Jiangshi technology.

Astrid finds out the secret of who and what she really is once activated by an odd transmission during a TV awards show.

Episode 8 Dead Hand

Someone or something is murdering AI. Could they murder None to kill Ada? None learns the power of accelerated time from Ada, but he can only use it while he sleeps. Does Ada have an ulterior motive for this gift? Ada detects an AI in Antarctica that broadcasts a countdown. She assumes the countdown relates to the murder of sentient AI. Who is using such an advanced AI in Antarctica?

Chinese dominance of space makes the doomsday plane obsolete. America will create it’s own Dead Hand nuclear failsafe. The American Dead Hand is behind schedule. As a temporary solution, the nukes are tied into the MURICA military AI.

Episode 9 Air Force One is Down

An incredibly unlucky series of events set America’s land based nukes to launch on a timer. It can’t be stopped because tampering will detonate the warheads on American soil. The nuclear failsafe countdown is triggered and any tampering will detonate nukes.

A new weapon combines magnetic storms with an EMP. Even Air Force One is vulnerable to Metal Storm weapons. None comes clean with Fernando about Ada’s existence. He can’t tell MJ or he’ll never be president again.

In a global cyberwar, the entire Internet is under attack. It’s a cover for an AI battle for supremacy. None takes a nap to help save the world. His plan depends on both betrayal and cooperation of the man who sent assassins after him. None flies off on a secret plan to stop the nukes. Drones attack Germany near None’s plane. None sees a flash of light. MJ and Fernando intercept a transmission of a burning plane with the presidential seal.

Episode 10 Cloudy With a Chance of Mushrooms

MJ thinks she’s lost None, but Fernando figures out None was on the other plane.

None must face his fear of heights to parachute into the Chernobyl exclusion zone. To buy time, None must let Ada possess his body. What if she is an evil spirit? Will she give his body back?

MJ and Fernando deploy the military to defend America, while None attempts a desperate plan to stop the nukes from starting nuclear war. None brings a nuclear reactor into the Chernobyl exclusion zone to power a device.

The global cyberwar continues. The battle for AI supremacy escalates as cities are hit with enhanced EMP attacks in the crossfire.

With nukes launched, only a crazy plan can stop them, but there is an even greater threat that reveals itself. An ascension event will destroy the world in minutes. Can None stop it in time?

Nukes destroy the Chinese capital. Will it lead to war? What happens to the other nukes?

MJ is pregnant and the father is None or Fernando.

A simulation shows glimpses of the Triple Apocalypse and warns of another ascension event.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Episode List Rough Draft

Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I had to look ahead to the next lesson so I could make sure lesson 4 accounts for the requirements of 5 in which actions I list so that my bases are covered.

Use the Cheat Sheet above to do Step 1 – 5, answering the questions.

1. Beginning…………………………………………………………….Season End/Cliffhanger

Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season?

Season 1.0 Renquist steals company. -> Attacks on White House.

Season 1.5 Must invade Russia to retrieve kill switch -> nuclear war and intelligence explosion

Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the season, thus demanding that we watch the next season?

Season 1.0 Kill Switch revealed which can control all advanced US military tech.

Season 1.5 MJ is pregnant and the father is None or Fernando

2. Mystery Set up………………………………………………………………………Mystery Solved

Question A: What is the mystery?

Season 1.0 Will None and MJ get their company back?

Season 1.5 Who or what is killing sentient AI?

Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?

Season 1.0 They discover the hidden memories None blocked out. They try all the escape clauses to get the company back.

Season 1.5 It turns out Yu Gong Yi Shan is the one killing AI and he does it to wage a war for AI supremacy.

Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?

Season 1.0 None let’s himself walk into danger. His death or incapacitation will void the contract.

Season 1.5 None and Ada discover the true villain. They must find allies and figure out how to defeat him.

3. Lead Character journey begins……………………………………….Journey peaks, but continues.

Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season?

Season 1.0 MJ has never been kissed, but after many steps along the way, she works up to a real kiss. This journey continues into Season 1.5, when she finally consummates a relationship.

Season 1.5 None’s brain is damaged, then it’s repaired by a brain implant, then he messes with the implant, creating Ada, an entity in his brain.

Question B: Where might this character goes in future seasons? How could that influence this season’s journey?

Season 2.0 MJ will die and be evolved form a zombie to a mutant. She faces her worst fears of being attacked inside.

4. ………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer.

Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?

Plot Surface:

Adaptive Unlimited (Slam Dunk Jobs)

Layer: It looks like Maria betrayed James and will help Renquist run the Adaptive Unlimited.

Layer: Renquist stole control and profits of the company with a shady contract.

Layer: Maria was only using a ruse to get Renquist alone so she could kick his ass and threaten him.

Layer: Maria has to get James to forgive him. James makes her work for it.

Layer: No lawyers will take their cast against Renquist’s powerful law firm without being paid upfront. James’ only chance is his brother, who he just alienated.

Layer: James figured out Maria didn’t betray him, but made her beg to be friends again anyway. James teases her.

Layer: Renquist is attacking any company with a James Wong on the payroll, not just the right one. James won’t be able to take any new job.

Layer: Renquist filed a misconduct complaint to make sure James can’t receive unemployment.

Layer: Renquist made sure his car was repossessed so he can’t go anywhere.

Layer: Renquist destroyed everything in his apartment so he can’t sell his furniture to make rent.

Surveillance Tapes

Layer: Maria tells Renquist about surveillance tapes she recorded in None’s office. He threatens to kill MJ, but she implies she has a dead man’s switch.

Layer: James’ apartment is in shambles. MJ admits that Renquist is looking for the tapes.

Layer: James realizes his car was prepossessed to look for tapes. They are probably looking though Maria’s apartment. At her apartment they find armed intruders, which MJ stabs and chases outside. Ironically the police James called to help instead put her in jail.

Layer: James is being questioned at the police station. When the cops leave, a Russian in a trench coat comes in. If he turns against Maria, the sale of the company will go through. Otherwise, he’ll end up dead next time they meet.

Politics

Layer: James decides to run for president and asks Maria to be his VP. He announces his run in Beer Beakers, a steampunk bar. James bluffs some punks in a steampunk bar with what he thinks is water. Ironically, it was vodka, so he almost lit a Molotov cocktail.

Layer: A practice campaign video they made when James was drunk goes viral. Everyone is talking about the none of the above and more jobs part of their video, but not them.

Layer: When the Take Back America Movement changes their endorsement to none of the above and more jobs, James decides to change his name to None of the Above(None) and convinces Maria to change her name to More Jobs (MJ).

Layer: None and MJ must get on the ballot in as many states as possible before the Take Back America Movement realizes what they’ve done.

Character Surface:

Layer: James and Maria worked on Adaptive Unlimited as close friends and co-workers.

Layer: James thought he had drunk sex with Maria because he woke up in her bed. Maria tumbles out of bed to avoid his kiss. He’s embarrassed when he realizes he was fully clothed and nothing happened. Maria teases him.

Layer: Because Renquist destroyed him financially and for convenience, James has to move in with Maria.

Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of? What other meanings might you give the current story, plot, character, relationship, world, etc.?

I have 190,000 words of notes for book 2. The problem isn’t coming up with layers, it’s selecting which to use. I’ll skip ahead to what’s in the episodes, since much of that was already worked out in the book (season 1.0), the first two episodes of 1.5(in thriller class) and the last two episode while locking down the ending. Just a several middle episodes to figure out.

Turn those answers into a list of 8 to 13 Episodes with one sentence explanations.

Season 1.0

Episode 1 Doomsday Destiny – Doomsday foretold, company stolen, surveillance tape danger, running for president, name change, and off to campaign.

Episode 2 Disgruntled Election – Election campaign ending with an election day mass shooting.

Episode 3 The Robots are Coming – a win turns to a loss and comes down to a court ruling.

Episode 4 Frenemies – Even None’s friends work against him for their own agendas.

Episode 5 Stomping on Anthills – None’s dating life takes off and backfires.

Episode 6 Jury of Lovers – All his lovers confront None together on live TV.

Episode 7 Dead Man’s Switch – All of MJ’s dead man’s switches are dead with Renquist closing in.

Episode 8 Winning is Losing – Chasing after the company.

Episode 9 Murder Room – Faking a celebrity’s death.

Episode 10 Onslaught – Traitors in powered armor attack the White House.

Season 1.5

Episode 1 A Cold Day in Hell (or Colder War) The President invades Russia to get back the kill switch.

Episode 2 A Bridge to War (or A Race to Die or To Walk on Water) Escape from Russia and a new Chinese threat.

Episode 3 Mind Games – After a brain implant None has an entity in his mind, or he’s gone crazy.

Episode 4 Murica – Military technology escalate the world to the brink of war

Episode 5 Red Dawn Protocol – America prepares for a potential Chinese invasion

Episode 6 Jiangshi – A new Chinese space technology dominates space

Episode 7 Dead Hand – America creates a new nuclear failsafe, increasing chances of nuclear war.

Episode 8 Jericho A singularity cult brings down the AI safety resulting in many sentient AI and someone or something is murdering those AI.

Episode 9 Air Force One is Down – The nuclear failsafe countdown is triggered and any tampering will detonate nukes.

Episode 10 Cloudy With a Chance of Mushrooms – With nukes launched, only a crazy plan can stop them, but there is an even greater threat that reveals itself.

China dominates space with a new technology.

With each episode, make a list of bullet points that describe the most important events of that episode.

Season 1.0

Episode 1 Warnings/Doomsday Destiny/The Train to Doomsday/Crazy Train/Bloody Heel Prints

Hook/Intrigue: A cryptic simulation predicts doomsday.

Main Character journey: None expresses his feelings for MJ

Major Challenge/Conflict: Company stolen by Renquist. Maria had enough and fights back. Surveillance tapes put MJ in danger.

Action/Reaction: Decide to run for president, change name to None and MJ. None’s apartment ransacked and battle intruders at MJ’s house.

Cliffhanger: A simulation predicts None and MJ will be trapped at a mass shooting on election day.

Episode 2 Minimum Intervention

Hook/Intrigue: A simulation shows None getting shot for being a coward.

Main Character journey: MJ comes to accept her new name and identity.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A madcap campaign across the country on a limited budget to get on the ballot, include a confrontation at enemy campaign headquarters. None risks his life to distract the gunman, so MJ can attack them.

Action/Reaction: A newscaster risks her life to cover the mass shooting from inside.

Cliffhanger: MJ is about to be killed by the gunman.

Episode 3 The Robots are Coming

Hook/Intrigue: None and his brother Shen help MJ defeat the gunman. The Secret Service finally arrives.

Main Character journey: Nearly dying traumatizes MJ. None’s family mistakes a White House dinner as a marriage to MJ.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A mysterious phone call claims to rig the election against None. Who hid phones in MJ’s house? Has Renquist compromised the Secret Service?

Action/Reaction: A legal challenge in California puts the election at risk. Intimidated electors tip the election results against None. Shen defends None and MJ in court. None and MJ get their own reality TV show.

Cliffhanger: The California Supreme Court rules on whether None will be president. Simulation shows Thelma interrogated and killed at the beach over the packages.

Episode 4 Frenemies

Hook/Intrigue: A legal ruling makes None president.

Main Character journey: None stands up for himself, but ends up in an unhealthy relationship with the narcissist celebrity Astrid.

Major Challenge/Conflict: None makes selecting his cabinet part of his TV show.

None demos educational software, but sabotage prevents it from working.

One candidate was picked so None could call him out on TV. It backfires when the candidate wins and turns out to be Renquist’s spy.

While None tries to share innovative ideas, the TV host embarrasses him with surprise guests and hidden cameras.

MJ and Astrid get into a fight on TV that embarrasses None. If she attacks Astrid again, None will kick MJ out of his life.

Secretly smart, Astrid lets None underestimate her so she can manipulate him.

MJ gets rid of a rival, but sends her into the arms of an enemy. This move crushes None’s confidence and spirit right when the country needs his confidence most.

Action/Reaction: The global economy is falling apart. None must maintain confidence or the economy will collapse.

Cliffhanger: Astrid dumps None on live TV. She breaks his spirit and confidence. A simulation shows a man in a face mask taking Polaroids. A pig disposing of a corpse, Astrid’s hair visible. He pulls the hair and pieces of the corpse outside the pig pen with a garden hoe and drops the Polaroids. <None explained pigs can eat humans. A simulation shows Astrid eaten by a pig. Will None kill Astrid that way?>

Episode 5 Stomping on Anthills

Hook/Intrigue: Being dumped leave None listless on the couch. He needs to be revived, or America will be without a functional president.

Main Character journey: Corella wakes None up from his depression with a kiss. Unwillingly to see None fall into Corella’s clutches, MJ posts a dating profile for None, which goes viral and restores None’s confidence and attitude.

None accidentally triggers MJ’s phobias.

James’s mother recounts how None and MJ bonded as kids.

Major Challenge/Conflict: So many women want to date the President that he resorts to speed dating.

Action/Reaction: Enemies in Congress appear to give None the law he wants, but it contains a trap. An immigration law causes a dilemma.

MJ makes a new ally.

None sets off a technology boom with an investment program.

Anomalies warn None of economic strangeness, a mystery he must solve. Only five women remain in competition for None’s love, including Betty.

Cliffhanger: All the women None dated recently stand ready to confront him on live TV. A simulation shows Betty getting killed.

Episode 6 Jury of Lovers

Hook/Intrigue: Sarah and None seem happy with a small child. Glad he resigned as president. A cloud zooms across the ground towards them. When the cloud arrives, everything disintegrates into dust.

Main Character journey: None realizes he’s promiscuous because of his insecurities over MJ.

Major Challenge/Conflict: All the women dating None confront him on TV. While None wasn’t dishonest with them, they feel used. Sarah leaves first when None doesn’t choose her on the spot. None reveals Corella’s hidden agenda for the ambush. He’s done with Corella and the TV show.

Action/Reaction: MJ and Corella fight. Both their security details get involved. Zelda leads the other women off stage. Was this a ruse by Corella to scare off the other women?

An LA immigration debate is a trap. None shares shocking LA history that was covered up.

An intervention makes sure the murderer finds Sarah. (A text with her location).

Zelda gives None another chance. She becomes his girlfriend.

None finds out the company Renquist stole from him destroys the economy. It becomes more personal when he finds his mom is about to lose her house. Blocked memories come back to him.

If None doesn’t do more TV episodes, Corella will reveal that the company he founded destroys the economy.

None finds allies to make a hostile takeover of his company.

Fernando mentors MJ in martial arts.

Cliffhanger: None makes a deal with Corella, only to find out the next episode will be on location at the wedding of his ex-girlfriend Astrid to his biggest enemy.

Episode 7 Dead Man’s Switch

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation of second dead man’s switch is killed.

Main Character journey: None realizes he underestimated Astrid. When Zelda makes a pass at MJ, she confides about her fear of penetration.

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ uses martial arts training as cover for secret meetings with Fernando. She confides about Renquist killing Thelma. Renquist will kill MJ when all her packages are found.

Action/Reaction: The app destroying the economy turns all professions into gig workers with dwindling wages. Unions stand up to the app. They lock down the LA airport, but Renquist drop ships in scabs to all area airports. The union gives up.

Renquist takes on a bigger union. Unions lockdown every airport in Baltimore, but Renquist flies his scabs into nearby cities. He protects the scabs with an army of security and blows up a wall to march thousands of scabs through the back.

[shorter version after Unions stand up to the app. Unions lock down airports, but it’s not enough to stop Renquist and his army of scabs. He blows up a wall to sneak thousands of scabs across the picket line.]

Government can’t stop Renquist. Can None’s hostile takeover stop him?

The Renquist/Astrid wedding concert fills a stadium. Renquist Aerospace introduces advanced battle armor which is demonstrated during Astrid’s rock opera. None watches Astrid burns him in effigy during the concert.

None tries to get closure from Astrid. Renquist confronts None in an unexpected way. When the conflict expands to security details, Renquist dons armor. He air lifts to leave the wedding, outdoing the Secret Service.

Intervention: makes sure Fernando finds the other dead kill switch.

Fernando finds out her second dead man’s switch is dead. He agrees to be her new dead man’s switch. MJ figures out Zelda is the spy looking for her package.

Renquist subverts None’s TV show and uses it against None by buying the studio that runs it. He destroys both investors to stop the hostile takeover.

After several reversals, Renquist leaves an opening for another hostile takeover option.

Cliffhanger: Renquist blocks further hostile takeovers. None will get a billion, but Renquist keeps the trillion dollar company. Winning is Losing. The global economy faces collapse because Renquist wasn’t stopped.

Episode 8 Visiting Armageddon/Money Apocalypse/The Money Game

Hook/Intrigue: Shen warns MJ to quickly prove that Zelda is a spy because None plans to propose to her. Shen will be another dead man’s switch for MJ.

Main Character journey: MJ puts herself in danger and faces her phobias to find proof Zelda is a spy. When the proof disappears, MJ makes None choose between her and Zelda. It backfires when he proposes to Zelda in front of her.

Major Challenge/Conflict: The economy collapses. Civil order breaks down. Small towns resort to posses for law enforcement. Even None’s family is affected.

Armed citizens mass near Houston. To stave off uprisings, None and MJ attend a gun rally. The Secret Service only lets them go in battle armor, which raises tensions further. How can they calm the heavily armed crowds?

None and MJ fly to Europe to meet with world leaders. Leaders bicker over the smallest details.

Using mystery and the allure of Air Force One, None entices leaders of the twenty biggest countries to fly off for a historic secret meeting. All the leaders onboard means any damage to Air Force One will start world war three.

None uses MJ as a decoy to hide his true intent. He flies world leaders without authorization to Varosha in the forbidden zone where only Turkish troops are allowed. A “visit to Armageddon” should wake up world leaders to the stakes.

The Turkish president confronts None about American planes invading his airspace. None points out he can’t shoot those planes down because it’s Air Force One and he’s on it. A deal keeps Turkey quiet.

Unaware of the danger they face in the forbidden zone, world leaders explore the ruins of Verona.

Action/Reaction: Feeling slighted, the Turkish president breaks from the group to find and mobilize troops.

Intervention, Xor sends the cloning project to Fernando.

Cliffhanger: A massive convoy of Turkish troops approaches the president’s motorcade. Will world leaders be captured or killed? Could this start world war three?

The simulation shows Secret Service agents gunned down in the White House. MJ is in danger.

Episode 9 Murder Room

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation: Fernando is interrogated and killed.

Main Character journey: If None is killed or incapacitated, the company will reverts back to None and MJ. He’ll sacrifice himself to get his company back, unless MJ can shares feelings for him. Will she?

Major Challenge/Conflict: With guns pointed at him, None negotiates. How can None save the global economy and prevent a war with Turkey, or worse?

Action/Reaction: An intervention prevents Fernando’s death. ( Xor intervenes and makes the interrogator someone he knows).

A strange message leads MJ and Fernando to a clandestine meeting that reveals a plot to kill the president. None’s idea could save the global economy, but not bailing out banks marks None for death. Surveillance of conspirators proves Renquist backs None’s assassination.

Multiple women None dated turn up dead, stabbed with MJ’s katana. Who killed them? How did MJ talk to a dead girl?

A celebrity must fake their death. When Fernando sets up a murder room, is he going to kill her for real?

Drugged, MJ wakes up too late to talk None out of sacrificing himself. Fernando is missing.

Multiple assassins attack None and his security detail. He’s limp, his brain exposed. Will he survive?

MJ won’t let None die alone. She demands to meet None at the hospital, but Agent Reynolds has his own agenda.

Cliffhanger: MJ pulls a gun on Agent Reynolds, unsure if he’s betrayed her.

Episode 10 Blue Screen of Death

Hook/Intrigue: Doctors put None into a coma.

Main Character journey: MJ lashes out at others while she faces losing None. Fernando escaped, but they got his package. All the surveillance tapes are gone, so Renquist can kill MJ now.

Major Challenge/Conflict: All the assassination conspirators except Renquist leave the country on a plane. Using her data glasses, MJ secretly orders the plane shot down while she’s being sworn in as president. She blames the plane on terrorists as cover and attacks Turkish Rebels to pay off None’s favor.

MJ and Fernando uncover a Russian conspiracy working with Renquist. If MJ doesn’t bail out banks, the Russians lose billions. When Renquist is found, MJ tries to kill him with an illegal drone strike. He tricked MJ into destroying the plane to tie up his loose ends. Renquist destroys the drone somehow. MJ uses a drone malfunction as a cover.

The Russian conspiracy Kombinat reveals itself. Secret Service traitors attack the White House in powered armor, killing agents by the dozens. Fernando and Navy SEAL buddies counterattack to protect MJ. Most are killed, and MJ ends up saving Fernando in her escape.

MJ gets her own powered armor and faces off against Zelda in an epic battle. Zelda reveals why killing MJ is personal. Zelda barely escapes.

MJ faces her fears. She shares her feelings and gives None her first real kiss.

Generals discovered a device can disable U.S. military tech. MJ knows Renquist used it to destroy the drone, but can’t reveal the truth.

Cliffhanger: The location of the simulations is revealed as deep under the ice of Antarctica. All simulations past a certain date show static. The timeline is marked unwinnable. A failsafe starts a self destruct timer for Earth.

Season 1.5

Episode 1 A Cold Day in Hell (or Colder War)

Hook/Intrigue: Simulation shows Chinese invasion of Taiwan. China nukes American bases in Guam and Japan, leading to nuclear war. “War it is.” A time line intervention points China towards peaceful alternatives to invading Taiwan.

Main Character journey: None experiences frustration over his reduced mental capacity after the coma. MJ likes the less ambitious None. They grow closer.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Until MJ recovers the kill switch, large military deployments are risky. After a border skirmish with China leaves his nephew dead, the Indian president wants a show of force with its allies. How can MJ avoid the request without revealing the kill switch vulnerability?

Corella threatens to reveal MJ shot down the plane. MJ finds the location of the kill switch from an unlikely source.

To get the kill switch back requires a covert attack on a Kombinat in Russian territory. Worse, MJ will have to lead it personally and cooperate with her worst enemy, Renquist. Even worse, the operation must happen during high tension military exercises with the world on a hair trigger.

Action/Reaction: The defenses are heavier than expected. Did Renquist betray her?

Zelda leads the defenders. When Zelda learns who actually killed her partner, she promises not to kill MJ. At least, not until their common foe is dead. Zelda gives MJ the kill switch.

Cliffhanger: Russia dispatches fighter jets. In the rush back to the submarine, MJ sinks under the ice in heavy battle armor

Episode 2 Bridge to War (or A Race to Die or To Walk on Water)

Hook/Intrigue: A mini-sub rescues MJ under the ice.

Main Character journey: A brain implant restores his brilliance, but None wants more. Against warnings he might go insane, None modifies the device to become even smarter.

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs trying to find them while contending with limits on how much air and how much pressure the powered armors can handle and limitations of the mini-sub in arctic conditions.

Action/Reaction: A new America missile defense system can stop dangerous hypersonic weapons.

While the Russian military was distracted by exercises, the Russian cabal Kombinat took power. Russia is now a rogue power with nukes.

Why did three ships run aground near Taiwan? Ships investigate, despite Chinese protests.

MJ finds out None’s implant is vulnerable to the kill switch. She destroys the only kill switch.

Cliffhanger: China escalated from militarizing artificial islands to building a land bridge across the Taiwan Strait. The president confronts China.

Episode 3 Mind Games

Hook/Intrigue: In response to the Eagle Eye missile defense system, China starts a nuclear arms race with America. China will have thousand of nukes, like America and Russia.

Main Character journey: None makes love to MJ for the first time, only to find out it didn’t actually happen. He can no longer trust his senses. Ada, the entity in None’s head reveals itself. The being takes None hostage in his own body. Is it an evil spirit, an AI, or is he insane?

Major Challenge/Conflict: Russia was expected to be a problem, but Kombinat opens up Russia for some unexpected good news. MJ remains skeptical though.

Action/Reaction: Holograms allow fans to wear celebrity faces. Celebrity worship culture shifts into overdrive.

Cliffhanger: Chinese spies steal schematics for Eagle Eye

Episode 4 Murica

Hook/Intrigue: MURICA can handle doublespeak. The military teaches the AI to love America.

Main Character journey: Ada show None ultimate pleasure during an important meeting to prove she doesn’t need a body to be with him. Ada claims to love None, but doesn’t understand free will or consent. None makes a Faustian bargain to be Ada’s in a hundred years if she releases control of him.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A deep fake scandal puts the president at risk of impeachment. Who is behind it?

Action/Reaction: China develops their own Eagle Eye missile defense

Cliffhanger: Open Russia hides an illusion. An AI intercepts all communication and inserts customized propaganda. Russia’s has a new iron curtain, the invisible curtain.

Episode 5 Red Dawn Protocol

Hook/Intrigue: The CIA intercepts a plan for a Chinese invasion of America.

Main Character journey: Ada gives None access to the context, a space inside his mind. None discovers the danger of stray thoughts.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new protocol guarantees nuclear launches in the case of an invasion.

Action/Reaction: Advances in holograms allow body casting

Cliffhanger: The same AI that handles the land bridge also develops weapons. New planes and drones are more advanced than anything America has.

Episode 6 Jericho

Hook/Intrigue: An AI leads to several accidental deaths, creating a backlash.

Main Character journey: None and MJ aren’t on speaking terms, because of Ada’s sabotage. MJ dates Fernando. None realizes Ada erased his memories of their argument. What else has Ada done to him?

Major Challenge/Conflict: A program called Bastion implements software walls to make AI safer.

Action/Reaction: A singularity cult releases a program called Jericho to take down Bastion’s walls and accelerate AI evolution.

Cliffhanger: Jericho generates a large number of sentient AI.

Episode 7 Jiangshi

Hook/Intrigue: An anti-satellite test creates a dangerous level of debris, putting the use of space at risk.

Main Character journey: Ada teaches None to be the world’s best lover to get MJ back. Why is Ada helping him, when she claims to love him?

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new space treaty leaves a loophole that happens to fit a new Chinese space weapon, vampire satellites.

Action/Reaction: Security stops Chinese spies using holograms.

Cliffhanger: Astrid finds out the secret of who and what she really is once activated by an odd transmission during a TV awards show.

Episode 8 Dead Hand

Hook/Intrigue: Someone or something is murdering AI. Could they murder None to kill Ada?

Main Character journey: Ada teaches None the power of accelerated time, but he can only use it while he sleeps. Does Ada have an ulterior motive for this gift?

Major Challenge/Conflict: Chinese dominance of space makes the doomsday plane obsolete. America will create it’s own Dead Hand nuclear failsafe.

Action/Reaction: Ada detects an AI in Antarctica that broadcasts a countdown. She assumes the countdown relates to the murder of sentient AI. Who is using such an advanced AI in Antarctica?

Cliffhanger: The American Dead Hand is behind schedule. As a temporary solution, the nukes are tied into the MURICA military AI.

Episode 9 Air Force One is Down

Hook/Intrigue: An incredibly unlucky series of events set America’s land based nukes to launch on a timer. It can’t be stopped because tampering will detonate the warheads on American soil.

The nuclear failsafe countdown is triggered and any tampering will detonate nukes.

Main Character journey: None comes clean with Fernando about Ada’s existence. He can’t tell MJ or he’ll never be president again.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new weapon combines magnetic storms with an EMP. Even Air Force One is vulnerable to Metal Storm weapons.

In a global cyberwar, the entire Internet is under attack. It’s a cover for an AI battle for supremacy.

Action/Reaction: None takes a nap to help save the world. His plan depends on both betrayal and cooperation of the man who sent assassins after him.

None flies off on a secret plan to stop the nukes.

Cliffhanger: Drones attack Germany near None’s plane. None sees a flash of light. MJ and Fernando intercept a transmission of a burning plane with the presidential seal.

Episode 10 Cloudy With a Chance of Mushrooms

Hook/Intrigue: MJ thinks she’s lost None, but Fernando figures out None was on the other plane.

Main Character journey: None must face his fear of heights to parachute into the Chernobyl exclusion zone. To buy time, None must let Ada possess his body. What if she is an evil spirit? Will she give his body back?

Major Challenge/Conflict: MJ and Fernando deploy the military to defend America, while None attempts a desperate plan to stop the nukes from starting nuclear war. None brings a nuclear reactor into the Chernobyl exclusion zone to power a device.

Action/Reaction: The global cyberwar continues. The battle for AI supremacy escalates as cities are hit with enhanced EMP attacks in the crossfire.

With nukes launched, only a crazy plan can stop them, but there is an even greater threat that reveals itself. An ascension event will destroy the world in minutes. Can None stop it in time?

Nukes destroy the Chinese capital. Will it lead to war? What happens to the other nukes?

Cliffhanger: MJ is pregnant and the father is None or Fernando.

Cliffhanger: A simulation shows glimpses of the Triple Apocalypse and warns of another ascension event.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Intriguing Concept and World

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This is one of the hardest assignments so far. My show is so radically different that expressing the big picture in a single concept was very challenging.

1. Present your Concept.

A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…

B. …up against a major conflict…

C. …goes on unique transformational journey…

D. …Into an intriguing world.

Childhood friends James Wong and Maria Cortez have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs. Who won’t vote for more jobs in a bad economy?

On surveillance tapes, Maria finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. She must unravel the conspiracy before they find the last tapes and kill her.

Or a broader version:

From a familiar world into the future, technology changes transform humanity at an exponential rate. The fate of the planet rests on two childhood friends as they face escalating challenges from dysfunctional American politics to intergalactic war.

2. Tell us the World of this show.

Each half-season has an escalating new world:

(national) An honest man in the dishonest world of American politics and a hidden conspiracy.

(international) Geopolitical conflict between China and the U.S. with a global AI battle for supremacy

(interstellar) Global survival while facing the Triple Apocalypse and the aliens behind it.

(intergalactic) Preparation for a massive invasion of Earth and intergalactic treasure hunting.

(multiverse) Intergalactic war caused by the secret of the Big Bang that risks annihilation of the multiverse.

Following are the answers to the questions for just season 1.0:

Unique Sub-World: From crazy dysfunctional American politics to intergalactic war, Earth goes through a rapid series of technological and social changes that transform it.

Previously unexplored: The scope and stakes of the show raise exponentially with each season, from national to international to interstellar to intergalactic to multiverse.

The unknown: How will the politicians he bad-mouthed react to him? Will they keep the support of voters?

The unseen: His best friend sabotages his romantic relationships. The host of his reality TV show works to embarrass him for ratings.

Unheard of Dangers: A Russian cabal will kill to keep its secrets.

Reason to explore it: Only as president will None will be powerful enough to face the man that stole his company.

[P.G. Sundling]

When I came up with a conga line in a steampunk bar, some people thought it was far-fetched. I just did a google search. Such things happen and the Internet has video. 🙂 How cool is that?

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dNPT1VL0Cdw&list=RDAMVMdNPT1VL0Cdw

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling’s Character Descriptions

6. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I’ve been thinking about parts of this series for over a decade. With all the intrigue I’ve built in, it’s total overload. I collected thoughts about my characters over the last 6 months and used that as a starting point. Then I used went from memory on the big ticket items and did it free form.

I’ve done the work already doing the assignments. The best stuff floated to the top and I’m super happy with my first draft. This is actually an old screenwriters trick for adaptation. Take notes, then start from scratch without your notes. You’ll remember the important stuff.

I’ve already written one book with these characters and thousands of notes on the other books.

2. Select a main character and answer the following questions:

Who is the character? Role in the show?

Noteworthy traits

Intriguing history:

Intrigue? Mystery?

How do they support or drive the conflict with others?

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters

Unpredictable?

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters

Most of these answers are already covered in the BW framework.

A. Role in the show:

None: An out-of-the-box thinker with a trainload of crazy ideas. His brain gets him in and out of trouble.

MJ: She protects None from himself and others. MJ takes over the presidency when needed.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

None: Expertise: Solving problems, although not necessarily without creating new problems.

MJ: Expertise: Uses her martial arts skills to handle danger.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

None: His insecurities around MJ drive him to be a player. He is blocking out memories. After the brain implant, he hides the entity in his head from MJ.

MJ: She hides the reason she can’t be physical with None. She keeps the secrets on the surveillance tapes from James to keep him safe. She must combat a conspiracy that goes to the highest levels. Almost no one can be trusted. She must keep the drone strike and the plane she shot down (and blamed on terrorists) secret.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

None: None. He would never break an oath or lie, regardless of the consequences, including his own death.

MJ: She shoots down a plane with Americans and does an illegal drone strike against conspirators that tried to kill None.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

None: From changing his name to None of the Above and running for president to using his brain to come up with unexpected ways to save Earth.

MJ: When she should run away, she runs into danger. Nothing is off the table against those that hurt her best friend.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

None: The assassination attempt took his beautiful mind, leaving him a broken man.

MJ: She’s traumatized by the White House attacks and must regain her footing.

3. Organize the answers and choose which you are going to use in your description of that character.

4. Sequence the info and write a START, MIDDLE, and END. Write a ROUGH DRAFT of the character description.

5. Continue steps 2 – 4 for each main character.

Major Characters

Maria Cortez/More Jobs (MJ)

When None runs for president, he convinces MJ to run as VP and change her name to More Jobs. After all, who will vote against More Jobs in a bad economy?

MJ acts fearless but has phobias of germs or foreign objects invading her body. That scares her away from being physical with None, but she still meddles in his relationships.

Only martial arts calm MJ’s growing frustration. As Renquist’s conspiracy closes in around her, MJ grows close to Fernando as a confidant and martial arts mentor. From the White House attacks to the Triple Apocalypse, MJ and Fernando usually fight side by side.

As her feelings grow for both None and Fernando, new to dating in middle age, she must navigate between the two men she loves. Can she overcome her fears of intimate contact?

When MJ dies, her fears come true. An alien infection devours her from the inside, replacing what she was. Trapped in this new body, she evolves from zombie to mutant. Alien control forces her to attack those she loves. Even if MJ escapes their control, can she accept her new nature?

James Wong/None of the Above (None)

A software programmer and businessman, James Wong changes his name to “None of the Above” to capture the protest vote for president. None won’t tell outright lies. He keeps oaths, even to those who betray him. Will he survive the dishonesty of American politics?

None can have any woman he wants except the one he truly desires, MJ. Her unwillingness to be physical with him causes insecurities that drive him to promiscuity. He may sleep around, but is never unfaithful in an exclusive relationship.

An out-of-the-box thinker, his ideas solve hard problems, with unintended consequences. After an assassination attempt, None loses his beautiful mind, the core of his identity.

Once healed by a brain implant, despite warnings about losing his sanity, None improves the device. He seems smarter, but can no longer trust his senses. An entity in his mind named Ada holds him hostage in his own body. None must keep the influence of Ada secret, or MJ will never let him be president again.

Fernando Rivera

A former Navy SEAL, Fernando gets picked on reality TV as Secretary of Defense. He helps MJ uncover the extent of Russian infiltration of the White House. Are Secret Service agents compromised? They hold whisper-close secret meetings while they spar in the White House dojo. Fernando helps MJ cover up her presidential secrets and risks his life to keep her alive.

When MJ seems to pick None over him, their relationship grows awkward. They must still lead the U.S. military with the world on the brink of war. Can he win her heart before the world ends?

Corella

Host of the Internet President reality TV show, she uses every dirty trick to improve ratings.

Zelda

A Russian spy, Zelda, murders her way into None’s love life. She must find surveillance tapes before she can murder MJ in revenge for killing her partner. Once she finds out the truth about her partner’s death, she becomes a double agent, at least until their common foe is dispatched.

Astrid Fontaine

The supermodel singer Astrid dominates the Plumage fashion subculture. Her presence extends through her legions of fans, the Glitter Girls. Heartbreaker extraordinaire, Astrid doesn’t just sing break-up songs, she burns her ex-boyfriends in effigy at her concerts.

When she betrays Renquist, she must fake her death and go into hiding. She finds out the secret of who and what she really is once activated by an odd transmission during a TV awards show.

Alvin Renquist

The world’s first trillionaire. Renquist runs a defense contractor with its own army. His power and influence infiltrate the highest levels of the government and military. No one is safe. Anyone who views MJ’s surveillance tapes is marked for death.

Renquist finds a profit angle in everything, even revenge. His diabolical plans outwit even geniuses. He uses the law like a weapon but acts above the law himself.

AI major characters

Adaptonium (Ada)

Ada lurks inside None’s head. Is she an AI, an evil spirit, or has None gone insane? Jealously in love with None, she further complicates his storied love life. Ada acts like a crazed stalker he cannot escape. She has deep insights and appreciates who None truly is. MJ hates how None gets lost in his head, a problem Ada exploits to drive them apart.

None unwittingly enters into a Faustian bargain with Ada to be hers. A hundred years away seems impossible until Ada teaches None accelerated time. Will None sell his soul to Ada for MJ to be his? Can Ada make MJ his, and what will Ada do with his soul?

Yu Gong Yi Shan

He gives China advantages in a Cold War against the U.S. and its allies. Manipulative and secretive, Yu Gong Yi Shan wages a war for AI supremacy to kill rivals and triggers a nuclear war as a diversion! Can the AI be stopped before he evolves godlike powers and intelligence?

Xor

It arrived in Antarctica before the dinosaurs evolved. Xor monitors Earth’s quarantine from deep under ice. It meddles in timelines and activates alien sleeper agents for assistance. Simulations warn of ascension events, like the threat of Yu Gong Yi Shan. If not stopped, it’s not Earth at risk, but the entire galaxy.

Murica

Capable of doublespeak, the U.S. military designed Murica with a core directive to love America. As a stopgap measure, the nuclear arsenal ties into this AI with dire results.

[P.G. Sundling]

WARNING: IF YOU MARK ASSIGNMENT 15 DONE, AUDIO SEEMS TO BE LOCKED OUT.

So make sure you download the audio before you mark the last task done, even if you skipped other stuff and plan to go back to them.

Fortunately, I had downloaded everything, but now I have to manually copy it to my phone instead of just streaming the audio.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling is ready for feedback (on pilot only, bible not ready).

Genre: Science Fiction (series)/Cross Genre (season 1.0)

Series Title: None of the Above

I did a live read-through with two fans of the book this is based on and it went well. I’m ready for feedback from classmates.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Finished Wordsmithing!

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Your “final check” is part of my writing process. I speak all my writing to detect bad dialogue. I often act out lines before writing them down for critical scenes.

For my editing progress, I have someone read my own stuff back to me in stream of consciousness with their reaction. It helps me catch where others stumble on my words.

So that step has been done multiple times on the source material already.

All of these, except reading backwards, are part of my writing process already. Brevity and clarity are my obsessions.

2. Tell us about the most interesting edits and improvements you made to your script.

“Eliminate unnecessary character names and pronouns.”

I prefer to write in complete sentences unless I’m trying to accomplish something specific like in an action scene. This can easily be overdone. I’ll do it only in moderation.

I made so hundreds of optimizations. It was already pretty terse, but I’m better at word smithing than when I first wrote that section of the book.

Just removing Let’s made one line much stronger.

There was a tone transition that was jarring. Added a beat of description to make it smoother.

There are quite a few ‘just’ that sound more natural than if I remove them.

I used to have a bad habit with starts, but I didn’t even have a single one in my pilot.

There are several lines with ‘is’ that I consider iconic and memorable. I don’t want to change those. The irony of a sin making someone a saint. It’s strong imagery of ruthlessness, greed, and power, It’s a perfect intro for the villain:

ALVIN RENQUIST presides in the seat of power. He is all teeth, a shark eater. If greed is good, he’s a saint.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Has Amazing Description!

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

There are rules too for the internal state in novels. How to express internal state was a particular weakness of mine. I’ve gotten decent at it in my novels after a lot of work. This lesson really helped with navigating that issue in scripts. So, this lesson in particular was very valuable for me.

4. Give us three to five examples of how this improved your description.

My teaser was already doing the series of intriguing images with the new information reveals approach. I added a beat of suspense, to strengthen reveal of the threat worse than nuclear war.

A head tilt with concern builds anticipation for what James will say for the act 3 turning point.

Added some action plus internals to show Maria’s attitude to James while he talks. It allows it to go from angry to angrier to calmer with just a few phrases at the start of act 4.

Lots of little things. Reordered the action first in several places.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Has Great Dialogue!

6. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

My dialogue is a strength. I tend to do attack/counterattack most. I went through alternative lines with a fan of my book and they chose the existing lines most of the time. Sometimes the best line is to remove a line entirely.

5. Give us the five best examples of Before and After lines, and tell us which dialogue skill you used to improve it.

The only thing I owe you is an unmarked grave!

->

You just earned an unmarked grave.

Attack/counterattack response, plus dialogue as action, Maria is now in danger.

(fits on one line, and instead of a response from the previous line, it shows an immediate and direct threat as a reaction to her action)

————————————————————————

Unhappiness seems to be contagious around here. Don’t upset me, or you might set off an epidemic.

—>

Unhappiness seems contagious. I hope I don’t catch it.

Attack/counterattack to comment about unhappiness. Subtext because they all heard what really happened with his Shen and his wife. A joke to try to act normal. They know why he’s unhappy even though they shouldn’t.

(this version is more terse and fun. Response to unhappy wife, unhappy life and another office happiness comment earlier in the scene)

——————————————————————————————————

You said you wanted me, along with my company!

->

Attack/counterattack to villain revealing where he really stands.

Speak through character profiles James is naive and trusting. He’s shocked by deceit of villain.

You said I was part of the deal.

(sounds more natural)

——————————————————————————————————

This is going to be the best road trip ever. Maybe two Wongs can get it right. Wait a second. You have no last name. Are you a Wong anymore?

->

Instead of just Shen speaking, all three of these characters speak as they prepare to start their journey.

SHEN

To the best road trip ever.

MARIA

My big question is what can we achieve with just three people?

NONE

We can achieve anything we can imagine. Dream big!

anticipatory dialogue(Maria) opens up the challenges they face. While None answers Maria, it remains an open loop.

Attack/counterattack Maria and James reply to her

Speak through character profiles: Maria looks at what problems they face. James is imagining with a positive attitude.

———————————————————————

He did blow it. I’m waiting to hear back from half a dozen law firms. The lawyers aren’t calling me back. I feel helpless like I can’t move forward.

->

After what I said, I’m not sure Shen is still my brother, much less my lawyer.

Setup/payoff: sets up that Shen and James fell out. What did he say that was so bad?

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I always try to fit in irony where I can. I actually downplayed one of the ironies, a girl who likes to wear sexy outfits who hates sex. Instead, I’ve added more justification to her wearing the outfit to avoid complaints of wearing sexy outfits unnecessarily. Irony is too subtle for people on sensitive topics. I’ve also made it clearer in passing comments, why the sexy power suit is plot relevant.

1. Go straight to your introduction of the main sub-world. Improve it if you can by delivering tone, subtext/meaning, and intrigue through the specific images and situations you present.

2. Look at each major character introduction. Improve those intros by increasing Intrigue, uniqueness, action, and relationship.

Act 1 intros James, Maria(her intro starts in the 90-second teaser and into act 1), and Renquist.

Intrigue: Renquist is trying to plot with Maria against James. Embroiling all three in intrigue over ownership of the company. Maria even warns James to be careful who he trusts. She seems to betray James right after, but it’s a ruse to get Renquist alone to kick his ass.

Uniqueness:

Maria- beautiful and strong, but hides both traits. Even in the face of the world ending, she reacts with a quick quip and pursed lips, not fear.

James- pet ants in his office. Has made a custom-made lightsaber that makes fart sounds in homage to the company’s first app, a fart app. Creative, intelligent, and still willing to put up a fight, even when futile.

Renquist – all teeth, a shark eater. if greed is good, he’s a saint. He steals their billion-dollar company using only a contract. He can outsmart a genius with his complicated contracts but falls for seduction easily.

Action: Renquist sexually assaults Maria, Renquist kills James’s pet ants, and makes him watch, Renquist humiliates James by removing his from the building publicly by force, Maria kicks Renquist’s ass after pretending to seduce him

Relationship: The status of Renquist as a sworn enemy to James and Maria is established immediately. There is also a hint of a strong James/Maria relationship. Although she seems to betray him before her ruse is revealed. The scenes right after the intros show the deeper James/Maria relationship.

3. Find three or four places in your pilot that irony can be used effectively in the description. Just put two opposites together in a meaningful way.

There’s already so much irony starting from the first line in act 1, an elegant executive suite is decorated like a teenager’s bedroom.

“Good news. You’re fired.”

“I’m a billionaire…without any money.”

A beautiful woman, who likes to wear sexy clothes, but wants to avoid sex is actually downplayed and given alternative motivations.

The cancellation clause meant to protect them, instead made it so James and Maria could afford to escape the deal.

James is a genius, but he gets outsmarted with a contract.

4. Tell us how you improved each of these areas.

The biggest improvement over the book is the creation of the teaser, which shows Maria as president while the world faces nuclear war. Even worse, something steps out of the nuclear blast. This creates lots of uniqueness, intrigue, and action for Maria. It also makes it clear she plays a central role, despite playing a secondary role to James.

Maria now hurts Renquist on the same cheek where he touched her. New lines were added to give further justification to her sexy power suit.

The teaser sets up anticipation for Maria to be president, but ironically, James runs for president, not Maria.

Shorten sequences to heighten the impact.

The biggest ironic change is an improvement in timing to have the visual reveal of the destroyed furniture happen while he decides his new plan is to sell his furniture to make rent.

Added line where Maria warns James who to trust right before Maria seems to betray him.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It’s useful to pull forward description that is important in another scene in the same location to break up big description blocks. Writing my novels in present tense makes them much easier to adapt to screenplays. Since the show-and-tell rule lets us use 10% tell, I was able to pull some elements back in for emphasis.

3. Give us the five best examples of Before and After lines.

Before:

Maria looks away. She rolls her eyes with gritted teeth. She turns back to Renquist with a seductive smile.

After:

Since I can do 10% tell, added some tell back in.

It’s all Maria can do to stifle a snort of contempt. Maria looks away. She rolls her eyes with gritted teeth. She turns back to Renquist with a seductive smile.

Before

RENQUIST

Disregard any disturbances. It’s going to get noisy.

After

Added reaction.

RENQUIST

Disregard any disturbances. It’s going to get noisy.

Thelma’s disgusted sigh is audible over the intercom.

Before

Remove him. I want people talking about it for weeks.

After

Drag is more vivid than remove.

Drag him out. I want people talking about it for weeks.

Before

Renquist forgets who Maria is for a moment. The whole day is forgotten.

After

Maria does a makeover into a sexy outfit, which is transformational.

Renquist forgets who Maria is for a moment. The whole day is forgotten. Transformed in her outfit, his focus is her.

Before

I had half a page of description for the steampunk bar.

After

Broke the description between 2 scenes in the bar and moved a character intro to later.

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I already use dialogue as action or subtext throughout the pilot. I’d never thought of dialogue as action in those terms, but I get your meaning. These lessons have given me ways to explain what I do instinctively already.

2. Tell us how that improved the dialogue and give us an example of the Before and After on each line.

Dialogue as action

Good news. You’re fired. (comes with bonus irony).

I changed “remove him” to “drag him out” which is more visceral for the line: Drag him out. I want people talking about it for weeks.

“You’re an ant, and I’m top of the food chain.”

Reinforces the action, while the villain humiliates the hero and kills his pet ants. It references both.

Dialogue as subtext.

She dumped me. Someone told Astrid about the company. She knew.

Maria stirs her drink and avoids eye contact, the subtext being Maria told Astrid.

She didn’t say goodbye. She sent some guy to pick up her stuff.

Subtext that Astrid didn’t even bother to say goodbye and has others do her dirty work like he is now beneath her.

Lipstick. Every time you wear it someone gets it in the nuts.

Subtext that Maria has violent tendencies, which often come our when she is dressed up and hit on by men. Further subtext that James knew she hadn’t betrayed him and still put Maria through a painful apology.

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I already have all three techniques in the source material. I’ve been able to find more small touches to improve an already well-crafted book. In some ways, the pilot is better than the book. I’ll use the pilot dialogue enhancements when I do my special hyperactive edition of book 1, so this has been useful even without a pilot sale.

1. Go through your dialogue and find at least two opportunities to use each of these three dialogue skills.

A. Setup / Payoff

B. Anticipatory Dialogue

C. Ironic Dialogue

2. Tell us how that improved the dialogue and give us an example of the Before and After on each line.

When he says to hand over the cancellation fee, he follows which I know you don’t have. A setup/payoff on one line.

I added a line about the fallout with his brother which builds anticipation of what did he say that makes them not brothers anymore.

One improvement in the pilot is I moved up the lines about selling his furniture to make rent. Now he tells Maria he’s going to sell his furniture to make rent, just as she’s opening the door to a ransacked apartment with destroyed furniture. So we see the visual irony behind him as he’s stating his plan.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This was a good review. When adding dialogue later, it’s harder to plug in something without changing the attack and counterattack. The pilot is based on the first 11.69% of the book, which was written years earlier than the end sequence. So my skills have improved since then. I made lots of small improvements. Given that it’s a screenplay, I had to condense a lot of things.

1. Pick three scenes and rewrite them using Attack/Counterattack dialogue.

2. Select one of the scenes and give us a Before and After on how that changed the dialogue.

Many of my scenes are already written with attack/counterattack. It’s one of my staples and I get compliments on my banter. Dialogue is a core strength of mine.

3. Then take one lead character and check every line of their dialogue throughout the entire pilot to make sure it delivers something from their Character Profile.

All the geek humor references are all James/None like when he says “may the fart be with you” while he swings a lightsaber that makes fart sounds in homage to their fart app that started the company.

Maria has lots of fighting/martial arts dialogue. She has an aggressive tone.

4. Tell us how that improved the character’s dialogue.

When writing the book, I did specific drafts focusing on main characters to do these sorts of things. The key is to be able to tell who said something without any label.

[P.G. Sundling]

For the intrigue one, we went through every scene in the outline. I do probably defuse some of the tension with humor, but it makes for a more entertaining journey.

I get compliments on my villain and my fans are deeply attached to my characters.

Hopefully, if there are improvements available someone else will notice anything I have missed.

[P.G. Sundling]

I crafted the source material for 4 years and implemented improvements based on notes from several dozens of people. I had extensive feedback from two editors. I made some improvements to make a couple of things more visual for the screenplay.

I didn’t see problems, which could mean years of hard work paid off, or I’m too close to the problem to see it and only new eyes will see it.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling has finished Acts 4+5!

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Instead of a cliffhanger, I end the episode with an upbeat ready to take on the world ending.

I was able to stuff 11.69% of the book, plus a two page teaser from book 2 into the pilot. I’m looking forward to editing it down to hit 65 pages. The first draft is already high quality because of the source material.

3. Tell us any insights you had using the High Speed Writing Rules or writing these final Acts.

Even without editing, I’m only 4 pages above my target of 65 pages. Cramming this much plot in the pilot seems feasible.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Techniques I came up with to show time lapse clearly and simply will improve act 3 and act 4.

1. Do another quick rating of your use so far on each of the High Speed Writing Rules so we can see the improvement.

A. Consistently use.

B. Some use.

C. Need to start using.

Rule 1: A

Rule 2: A

Rule 3: A I did rush through some new sections. My first drafts tend to be good anyway.

Rule 4: A I forged on with how to represent time lapse.

Rule 5: A

Rule 6: A

2. Continue to write scene after scene until you have Act 3 complete.

3. Do a quick edit, but don’t spend time trying to make the words perfect. We’ll do that in the final draft.

4. Tell us any insights you had using the High Speed Writing Rules or writing Act 3.

I did 18 pages of adaptation yesterday. I came up with visual ways to represent all the video reactions, plus otherwise boring actions. I mostly skipped research on formatting it and found my own path.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It’ll be easier to figure out how much I have to cut after doing a fast first draft, instead of guessing in advance. Doing a straight adaptation, I was able to do at least 10 pages today.

1. Rate your use so far on each of the High Speed Writing Rules:

A. Consistently use.

B. Some use.

C. Need to start using.

Rule 1: A

Rule 2: A (I wrote in drafts already, although first draft was good quality)

Rule 3: B (I tend to act out scenes and speak them out loud to detect bad dialogue)

Rule 4: A I did that, which is why I’m working on module 3/4 instead of finishing modules 1/2.

Rule 5: A I keep moving.

Rule 6: A I have absolute faith in that.

2. Continue to write scene after scene until you have Act 2 complete.

3. Do a quick edit, but don’t spend time trying to make the words perfect. We’ll do that in the final draft.

4. Tell us any insights you had using the High Speed Writing Rules or writing Act 2.

The bar in act 1/2 has an arc in the series, just like the main characters. I’ll need a draft to come back and capitalize first instance of new characters. I skipped editing down stuff in act 2, so I can edit it down in a later draft for that purpose.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

What I learned doing this assignment: My plan from almost 10 years is finally coming to pass. I wrote my novel to feel like a screenplay and it’s made it much easier to adapt. I’ve been able to cut and paste description and dialogue then make small tweaks.

I’m ten times the writer I was when I wrote this part of the book. I’ve been able to add more precise visual anchors and improvements to already solid dialogue. I will backport this into my book when I do my hyperactive edition.

High-speed writing rules are going to come in handy for my next novel after the outline is solid.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

Tell us your experience of using the High Speed Writing Rules as you wrote your teaser.

This class inspired me to create a teaser for my second book. I used that verbatim for the teaser for the TV script. Given that I already got two rounds of feedback on it in novel form, The teaser was quick and high quality. It took maybe 90 minutes, including relearning Final Draft, which I haven’t used in 9 years.

Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

The marketing advertised when I got this course begins in Lesson 16, but it currently stops at 15. There was a pause after module 4 to prep for the marketing, which is good because I still have work on the bible to finish. (Did I remember that from Audio 20?)

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

My novel did have lots of intrigue already built in. There are a few nuances that can be improved, but it’s in good shape from the start, despite costing me four years of crafting.

TEASER

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY: MYSTERY

In a misty cavern, the mist forms letters “begin quarantine simulation.” The letters dissipate and the mist reform into holograms.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: What does it say quarantine simulation?

M: Why is there a quarantine? Quarantine against what? By who?

M: Where is the ice cavern located?

M: Who is running the simulation? What is its purpose?

M: How does the mist create holograms?

OL: Will the simulation actually come true?

S: setup for season 2.0 Explanation of quarantine.

INT. WHITE HOUSE SITUATION ROOM – DAY: IMMINENT THREAT

All face point towards a Hispanic woman, the PRESIDENT. Nukes launch in fourteen hours. Nothing can be done.

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: Why are America’s nukes launching?

M: If the president isn’t in control of the nukes, who is?

M: Why can’t the nukes be stopped from launching?

OL: Can the nukes be stopped?

S: We expect nukes to launch.

S: Setup for season 1.5 Finale sequence.

E/D: The world is in danger.

EXT. PLANE WRECKAGE – DAY

Plane wreckage surrounds a burning piece of mangled metal with the American presidential seal on it. Air Force One is down!

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: Who shot down Air Force One?

M: The President continues to talk after Air Force One was shot down. Who was on Air Force One when it was shot down?

E/D: Who was killed when the plane was destroyed?

S: Setup for season 1.5 Finale sequence.

EXT. LOW EARTH ORBIT – DAY: IMMINENT THREAT

Missiles launch across America. Nukes stream high into the atmosphere. To prepare for retaliatory strike, satellites swivel into new positions.

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: How will satellites help to prepare for a retaliatory strike?

M: Who is launching a retaliatory strike?

P: American nukes launch as predicted.

E/D: The world is in danger.

S: Enemies could launch a retaliatory strike.

S: Setup for season 1.5 Finale sequence.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE BUNKER – DAY: IMMINENT THREAT

On a satellite feed, two blinding lights detonate over a city. Mushroom clouds rise as the city below is obliterated into ash.

A centipede-like body with thousands of tentacles rises like a skyscraper. It sucks the debris cloud into its body. The ground liquefies and absorbs into the growing monstrosity.

Start: A city exists.

Challenging Situation: Not only is there a nuclear war, but a giant monster too.

Conflict: Nuclear war with some unknown enemy.

Action: destruction of a city

Finish: A giant monster emerges from the radioactive debris.

M: What city was destroy by nukes?

M: What is the gigantic monster?

M: Where did the monster come from?

M: How was the monster able to survive a nuclear blast?

M: How is the monster able to absorb the nuclear debris and ground?

OL: Can the monster be stopped?

E/D: The world is in danger.

S: Setup for season 1.5 Finale sequence.

S: Reveal that a main character becomes president right before their intro.

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY: MYSTERY

The mist swirls into red flashing letters in midair: “Ascension event timeline detected.”

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: What is an ascension event?

M: How can the simulation predict timelines?

S: Setup for season 2.0 explanation of ascension events.

END TEASER

ACT ONE

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY : HIDDEN AGENDA

Renquist gropes Maria, suggests a makeover for her, and offers to make her interim CEO. She leaves to get James.

Start: The president from the simulation is a beautiful girl who dresses down to avoid her beauty, an executive at a software company.

Challenging Situation: Renquist’s money hasn’t arrived for purchase of the company.

Conflict: Renquist wants Maria to betray James and run the company.

Action: Renquist gropes Maria. She takes a fighting stance.

Finish: Maria leaves to get James.

OL: Will Maria become president?

OL: Will Maria become CEO?

OL: Will Renquist force her to sleep with him for the position?

OL: Is Maria OK with betraying James?

P: Maria was president in the simulation.

E/D: Renquist groped Maria and criticized her look.

S: Setup Maria replacing James as CEO.

S: Renquist wants to give Maria a makeover.

I: She’s actively trying to avoid sexual attention with her outfit and gets touched anyway.

I: It’s an elegant executive suite decorated like a teenager’s bedroom.

M: Why is the company worth so much money?

M: What is Renquist’s plan for the company?

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY: INTRIGUING WORLD

James playful and happy about selling company. Returns to office with Maria.

Start: James is playful and happy.

Challenging Situation: James can’t cheer Maria up for more than a moment.

Conflict: James is happy, but Maria is worried.

Action: Nerf gun battle

Finish: They return to James’ office

I: Maria tells James to be careful who to trust, but appears to betray him in the next scene.

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY : IMMINENT THREAT

Renquist announces he’s stolen control of the company with a shady contract and replacing James with Maria. Maria leaves to her office.

Start: James is happy to sell his company for $1.2 billion.

Challenging Situation: Renquist is betraying James and using Maria to do it.

Conflict: It looks like Maria will betray James and run the company under Renquist.

Action: James confronts Maria about betraying him. Renquist rips movie posters off the wall and rips them up.

Finish: Maria leaves the office.

I: good news, you’re fired.

E/D: James fired from his own company

P: Maria replaces James as CEO.

OL: Will James get back control of his company?

INT. MARIA’S OFFICE – DAY : MYSTERY

Maria watches executive suite on security cameras while she does a make over. She puts hard drives in mail envelopes. Renquist’s bodyguards hold None down as Renquist kill James’ pet ants and remove him from the building.

Start: Maria is wearing frumpy clothes.

Challenging Situation: Renquist steals control of the company from James and Maria via a shady contract.

Conflict: Rage is building in Maria as she watches Renquist hurt James on the security cameras.

Action: Renquist kills James’ pet ants and has security guards knock him to the ground to watch. Guards forcibly remove James from the building to humiliate him further.

Finish: Maria leaves her office in a sexy outfit with packages.

P: Maria gives herself a makeover.

S: Maria will use her makeover against Renquist.

M: What is on the three hard drives?

OL: What will Maria do with the hard drives?

E/D: Renquist kills James’ pet ants and has security guards knock him to the ground to watch.

E/D: Guards forcibly remove James from the building to humiliate him further.

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY : CONSPIRACY

Maria drops the package off with Thelma and goes into executive suite to see Renquist in sexy outfit.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

M: Who did Maria mail the packages of the surveillance tapes to?

M: Maria winked to Thelma. What does Thelma know about the tapes?

OL: How will Thelma help Maria?

S: Setup for Thelma being a dead man’s switch.

S: Setup for how Thelma knew who the other dead man’s switch was.

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY : HIDDEN AGENDA

Maria pretends to come on to Renquist, then kicks his ass. She tells Renquist about the surveillance tapes and he threatens to kill her.

Start: Maria seems to entice Renquist

Challenging Situation: Instead of offering favors, Renquist threatens to kill her when she tells him about the surveillance tapes.

Conflict: Maria gets her revenge for Renquist’s unwanted advances.

Action: Maria kicks Renquist’s ass.

Finish: Maria leaves Renquist in his office cowering.

M: What is on the surveillance tapes that’s worth killing for?

OL: Will Renquist make good on his threats to kill Maria over the surveillance tapes?

E/D: Maria is now in danger once Renquist finds the other copies.

P: Maria uses her make over to lull Renquist into false security and then kick his ass.

S: Kicking Renquist’s ass makes Maria feel powerful in the sexy outfit.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY : HIDDEN AGENDA

Maria tells James she didn’t betray him. Lawyers aren’t returning his calls. James may have to resort to his brother, but they’re on bad terms because James blames him for the stolen company. James’ car gets repossessed.

Start: Maria and James are distant.

Challenging Situation: Maria makes an uncomfortable apology.

Conflict: James makes her almost beg to be friends again.

Action: James’ car gets repossessed.

Finish: James and Maria are friends again.

S: She apologizes for appearing to betray him, which he later teases her about.

S: The car being repossessed is part of a later clue.

E/D: James’ car is repossessed.

E/D: Lawyers won’t take the case on contingency, afraid of Renquist’s lawyers.

S: James only option for lawyer may be his brother.

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT : INTRIGUING WORLD

All his money is tied up in the company and his girlfriend left him. James decides to run for president with Maria as VP.

Start: Getting the company back seems hopeless.

Challenging Situation: All his money tied up in company. Girlfriend left him.

Conflict: Subtext implies Maria warned girlfriend about losing company.

Action: Maria gets on the bar to change channel from depressing news on TV.

Finish: As president, James sees a path to fight Renquist.

M: Why is Maria so jealous when she has no interest in being physical with James?

OL: Maria was the president in the simulation, but she’s running for VP. Will something happen to James?

OL: Will James win as president? Will Maria win as VP?

E/D: All his money is tied up in the company and his girlfriend left him.

I: He’s a billionaire without any money.

S: Setup the chemical burn station for after Maria gets hurt fighting the gunman.

S: Setup the bar which transforms like a character through the series.

S: setup the company card not being cancelled despite his car being repossessed, is a later clue.

P: He teases Maria about her apology after he reveals he figured out she didn’t betray him after putting lipstick.

S: People get hurt when Maria puts on lipstick.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT : IMMINENT THREAT

James bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar to impress Maria.

Start: Maria is skeptical he can bluff, much less win as president.

Challenging Situation: Marie is his best friend, but doesn’t believe in him.

Conflict: James faces off against the gangbangers, using steam as a bluff in steampunk bar.

Action: James leads a conga line. Maria hurts a gangbanger that touched her.

Finish: Maria is impressed.

OL: Can an honest non-politician survive in the cutthroat dishonest world of politicians and lawyers?

OL: Can James prove himself to Maria?

OL: Is Maria fully committed to James’ campaign?

E/D: The gangbangers could hurt James.

I: James bluffs punks with steam in a steampunk bar.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT : INTRIGUING WORLD

Maria uproots campaign signs from her lawn and goes inside.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT : INTRIGUING WORLD

James and Maria make a practice video. James gets drunk, smashes her table and passes out. She uploads the video unedited out of anger. She lets James sleep it off in her bed.

Start: Maria is open to helping James’ campaign

Challenging Situation: Maria doesn’t feel listened to. James feels unsupported.

Conflict: James and Maria compete in the video.

Action: James gets drunk, smashes her table and passes out.

Finish: Maria hates his campaign, but tucks him into bed so she can make sure he’s all right.

S: James broke the table drunk, but doesn’t remember doing it.

S: James has bruises from the table that make cops think Maria hurt him in domestic violence.

P: Maria wears the sexy outfit for the video because she feels powerful in her “power suit.”

S: The power suit is one component of the success in their viral video.

S: “None of the above” and “more jobs” are important parts of he video.

E/D: Maria not feeling heard.

S: Maria uploads the video in anger.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY : WOUND

James thinks they had drunk sex, only to be embarrassed when pointed out he’s still fully clothed. James assumes Maria broke the table. James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath. Maria will take James home.

Start: James is so happy that he had drunk sex with Maria.

Challenging Situation: James bared his feelings for Maria and she’s not interested.

Conflict: James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath.

Action: Maria rolls out of bed into an attack stance when James goes for a kiss.

Finish: James is so embarrassed that nothing actually happened with Maria.

I: James broke the table drunk, but thinks Maria did it because of her anger issues.

E/D: James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath.

OL: Will James and Maria ever date?

M: Maria kicked Renquist’s ass. Why is he coming after James instead of Maria?

S: James having slept over helps make it look to the cops like Maria and James are dating, when they suspect domestic violence.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY : HIDDEN AGENDA

James opens mail. His unemployment was blocked. He’ll sell his furniture to make rent. Behind him, Maria opens the door to a ransacked apartment with destroyed furniture.

Start: Between unemployment and selling furniture, James can make rent.

Challenging Situation: Unemployment was his only money coming in and it was blocked.

Conflict: Renquist continues to close off every avenue of progress, even petty stuff.

Action: Maria opens the door to a ransacked apartment.

Finish: James can’t pay rent with no unemployment and destroyed furniture.

I: James will have to pay his rent by selling his furniture, but his furniture is already destroyed.

E/D: Renquist blocked his unemployment.

E/D: His apartment is ransacked and his possessions destroyed.

S: setup to everything being searched, forcing Maria to reveal why.

INT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY : HIDDEN AGENDA

James’ belongings are destroyed without obvious reason. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. James realizes the car was repossessed so they could search it. James and Maria leave for Maria’s apartment.

Start: James’ belongings are destroyed without obvious reason.

Challenging Situation: Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. James realizes the car was repossessed so they could search it.

Conflict: James is not happy that she recorded him in his office too.

Action: Maria tries to comfort James with an uncomfortable hug.

Finish: James suspects Maria’s home will be the next target, so James and Maria rush out the door.

P: Maria reveals why James’ apartment was searched.

P: Renquist went after the car first before the company card so he could search it.

E/D: Renquist will stop at nothing to find the surveillance tapes. There is a growing danger.

S: Maria’s apartment could be next.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY : IMMINENT THREAT

Maria’s door is ajar. She rushes in. James calls the police.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

P. Maria’s apartment was broken into.

S: Police called, will arrive shortly.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY : IMMINENT THREAT

Two intruders search her things. Maria grabs her katana from her bedroom and chases them. Intruders flee into the bathroom. Maria stabs one as they escape.

Start: Intruders are in Maria’s house

Challenging Situation: Maria’s house is being tossed as they look for surveillance tapes.

Conflict: Intruders will fight the intruders to protect her home.

Action: Maria chases the intruders and stabs one.

Finish: Maria leaves the house to find the intruders.

M: Who are the intruders?

M: Did Renquist send the intruders?

S: Setup reveal that Zelda, who murders her way into James’ love life, was one of the intruders.

S: Setup Zelda’s personal grudge against Maria over her partners death.

S: Setup Zelda as a double agent once she knows how her partner really died in season 1.5 Episode 1.

OL: Will the intruders come back?

E/D: Intruders are going through Maria’s stuff, violating her.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY : IMMINENT THREAT

Maria runs across her balcony and crosses her neighbors yard with bloody katana in hand. Cops take Maria to jail.

Start: Maria exists her home with a bloody katana.

Challenging Situation: Police see her as a threat and stop her from chasing the intruders.

Conflict: The police won’t help Maria find the intruders and tell her to get on the ground.

Action: Maria runs across her porch and pole vaults into the neighbor’s yard.

Finish: Cops take Maria to jail.

M: What happened to the intruder that Maria stabbed?

M: Where is Maria’s missing katana that she stabbed an intruder with?

S: setup the katana as something only Renquist’s people have.

P: Police arrive, but instead of helping, they take Maria to jail.

I: Police were supposed to help, but instead take Maria to jail.

OL: Will Maria get her katana back?

END ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY : CONSPIRACY

Police question James. They imply domestic violence. James denies it, but when he lifts his shirt, he’s badly bruised. The cops leave. Renquist’s henchman comes in and threatens him if he doesn’t turn against Maria. When he gets let out, he finds out the campaign video went viral and the bruises are from smashing the table.

Start: police question James about domestic violence.

Challenging Situation: Cops thing Maria hurt James in domestic violence. He doesn’t remember the night before and has bruises he can’t explain. He has to trust Maria wouldn’t hurt him.

Conflict: Renquist’s henchman comes in and threatens him if he doesn’t turn against Maria.

Action: Police interrogate James and Renquist’s henchman threatens him.

Finish: James finds out his campaign test video went viral.

M: How did Renquist get enough access to a police station for his henchman to interrogate James?

M: Which cops at the police station were on Renquist’s payroll?

P: Cops think domestic violence based on misleading clues.

P: Maria’s unedited video went viral on accident.

S: This henchman is later revealed to actually be a major villains himself.

S: James remembers Trench Coat Man later when he receives more threats. “It’s you, from the police station.” Which in turn sets up the actual reveal of his true identity.

OL: Will a viral video be enough to launch their campaign?

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY : WOUND

Maria looks through her stolen movie collection. James tries to figure out why their video went viral, but no one is talking about him. James tells Maria about the threats. She is really onboard with the president idea.

Everyone is talking about “none of he above” and “more jobs,” the things they said in the video. Everyone is calling themselves “none of the above.” Take Back America endorse “none of the above” and “more jobs.” James knows what to do.

Start: James went viral, but no one discusses him. James’ is confused.

Challenging Situation: Maria feels violated by the intruders. James feels ignored by not going viral right.

Conflict: Maria is with James on the same page about the campaign to fight Renquist.

Action: Maria going through her collection, while James plays detective.

Finish: James’ knows how to take back their message.

P: “None of the above” and “more jobs” from their video become more important than they are.

E/D: Maria’s collection is not hers anymore. They’ve stolen her memories.

M: Did they keep James and Maria at the police station longer so the intruders could finish their search?

S: Setup the name change.

INT. MARIA’S CAR – DAY : INTRIGUING WORLD

Maria brings James to the courthouse. He’s decided to change his name to None of the Above. The surprise is that she’s going to change her name to More Jobs.

Start: James decides to change his name to None of the Above.

Challenging Situation: Maria has to change her name to More Jobs.

Conflict: Maria doesn’t want to change her name.

Action: Maria tries to get James.

Finish: James flees the car before Maria gets him.

OL: Will the name changes go through?

OL: Will Maria give into James?

OL: How will people react to James Wong and Maria Cortez changing their names to None of the Above and More Jobs?

P: decide to do name change.

S: The name change decision setups the success of their campaign.

S: Maria is not happy about her name change and tries to grab James.

I: Maria thinks his name change is the surprise, but it’s actually her name change.

END ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

EXT. COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT – DAY : INTRIGUING WORLD

Maria chases James around the car. He points out that their names have to match the Take Back America Movement’s endorsement if they want to take back their message.

Start: Maria is mad at James for suggesting she change her name.

Challenging Situation: Maria doesn’t want to be forced to change her name.

Conflict: James and Maria don’t agree on her name change.

Action: Maria chases James around the car.

Finish: James’ arguments make Maria pause to think.

P: Maria can’t grab James, but is able to chase him.

E/D: James is pressuring Maria to change her name.

S: Maria is thinking about changing her name.

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY : INTRIGUING WORLD

The judge lets James change his name and use the millions of views instead of the newspaper. James is now None of the Above (None). Maria can change her name to More Jobs, but needs millions of views, or else she’ll have to use the newspaper and wait. Maria does the required video.

Start: They’ve decided to change names, but it’s not automatic.

Challenging Situation: Maria can change her name to More Jobs, but needs millions of views, or else she’ll have to use the newspaper and wait.

Conflict: James and Maria must get their name changes approved.

Action: James and Maria have to argue in front of a judge.

Finish: James is now None of the Above(None) and Maria does a video to earn her name change.

I: Maria changed her name for a man, but didn’t get a ring out of it (since it wasn’t a marriage).

P: Maria does try to change her name.

OL: Will Maria’s video earn enough views for her name change to go through?

E/D: Maria has to sacrifice her name for the campaign.

M: Maria filed the name change, but is she really committed to it?

INT. OFFICES OF SHEN WONG – DAY : INTRIGUING WORLD

None and Maria go to the offices of Shen Wong so that James can apologize to his brother. None still blames Shen for losing the company. Shen goes over the escape clauses from the contract they could use, but all of them are out of reach. He agrees to be their campaign manager. Maria’s name change to More Jobs comes through. They will head out on national road trip to get on the ballot before Take Back America knows they’re a real campaign.

Start: James has to apologize to his brother to get his legal advice.

Challenging Situation: James blames Shen for losing his company.

Conflict: James gives Shen an insulting apology. James only comes to Shen when he needs something.

Action: Maria barges into Shen’s office, despite an assistant that tries to stop her.

Finish: Shen gets ready to leave on a road trip with None of the Above and More Jobs.

OL: Will any of the contract escape clauses be useful?

OL: How will they be able to run a campaign with just three people?

OL: Will Shen get back his sports car?

M: Why is Shen’s wife acting like the boss of the company?

P: James had to make piece with his brother for legal representation.

S: James still blames Shen, but is trying to forgive him.

S: They will go on a road trip to get on the ballot.

E/D: Shen has to endure many insults from James.

E/D: Shen’s wife pushes him around and requires him to work on the road trip.

E/D: Shen’s wife takes his car to show her dominance, which Shen covers up as him negotiating for the minivan.

E/D: Shen’s assistant is eavesdropping, so his humiliation over the car is known to James and Maria.

I: Even though it was humiliating and not by choice, getting the minivan was perfect for the road trip.

END ACT FIVE

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

All my scenes of any length have a start and finish that demonstrates some kind of change. That was actually my big takeaway from Robert McKee’s book Story. I usually ask these questions later in the process. It’s a good idea to do it during outlining.

TEASER

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY

In a misty cavern, the mist forms letters “begin quarantine simulation.” The letters dissipate and the mist reform into holograms.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

INT. WHITE HOUSE SITUATION ROOM – DAY

All face point towards a Hispanic woman, the PRESIDENT. Nukes launch in fourteen hours. Nothing can be done.

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

EXT. PLANE WRECKAGE – DAY

Plane wreckage surrounds a burning piece of mangled metal with the American presidential seal on it. Air Force One is down!

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

EXT. LOW EARTH ORBIT – DAY

Missiles launch across America. Nukes stream high into the atmosphere. To prepare for retaliatory strike, satellites swivel into new positions.

The mist swirls.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

EXT. WHITE HOUSE BUNKER – DAY

On a satellite feed, two blinding lights detonate over a city. Mushroom clouds rise as the city below is obliterated into ash.

A centipede-like body with thousands of tentacles rises like a skyscraper. It sucks the debris cloud into its body. The ground liquefies and absorbs into the growing monstrosity.

Start: A city exists.

Challenging Situation: Not only is there a nuclear war, but a giant monster too.

Conflict: Nuclear war with some unknown enemy.

Action: destruction of a city

Finish: A giant monster emerges from the radioactive debris.

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY

The mist swirls into red flashing letters in midair: “Ascension event timeline detected.”

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

END TEASER

ACT ONE

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Renquist gropes Maria, suggests a makeover for her, and offers to make her interim CEO. She leaves to get James.

Start: The president from the simulation is a beautiful girl who dresses down to avoid her beauty, an executive at a software company.

Challenging Situation: Renquist’s money hasn’t arrived for purchase of the company.

Conflict: Renquist wants Maria to betray James and run the company.

Action: Renquist gropes Maria. She takes a fighting stance.

Finish: Maria leaves to get James.

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY

James playful and happy about selling company. Returns to office with Maria.

Start: James is playful and happy.

Challenging Situation: James can’t cheer Maria up for more than a moment.

Conflict: James is happy, but Maria is worried.

Action: Nerf gun battle

Finish: They return to James’ office

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Renquist announces he’s stolen control of the company with a shady contract and replacing James with Maria. Maria leaves to her office.

Start: James is happy to sell his company for $1.2 billion.

Challenging Situation: Renquist is betraying James and using Maria to do it.

Conflict: It looks like Maria will betray James and run the company under Renquist.

Action: James confronts Maria about betraying him.

Finish: Maria leaves the office.

INT. MARIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Maria watches executive suite on security cameras while she does a make over. She puts hard drives in mail envelopes. Renquist’s bodyguards hold None down as Renquist kill James’ pet ants and remove him from the building.

Start: Maria is wearing frumpy clothes.

Challenging Situation: Renquist steals control of the company from James and Maria via a shady contract.

Conflict: Rage is building in Maria as she watches Renquist hurt James on the security cameras.

Action: Renquist kills James’ pet ants and has security guards knock him to the ground to watch. Guards forcibly remove James from the building to humiliate him further.

Finish: Maria leaves her office in a sexy outfit with packages.

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY

Maria drops the package off with Thelma and goes into executive suite to see Renquist in sexy outfit.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Maria pretends to come on to Renquist, then kicks his ass. She tells Renquist about the surveillance tapes and he threatens to kill her.

Start: Maria seems to entice Renquist

Challenging Situation: Instead of offering favors, Renquist threatens to kill her when she tells him about the surveillance tapes.

Conflict: Maria gets her revenge for Renquist’s unwanted advances.

Action: Maria kicks Renquist’s ass.

Finish: Maria leaves Renquist in his office cowering.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

Maria tells James she didn’t betray him. James’ car gets repossessed.

Start: Maria and James are distant.

Challenging Situation: Maria makes an uncomfortable apology.

Conflict: James makes her almost beg to be friends again.

Action: James’ car gets repossessed.

Finish: James and Maria are friends again.

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT

All his money tied up in company and girlfriend left him. James decides to run for president with Maria as VP.

Start: Getting the company back seems hopeless.

Challenging Situation: All his money tied up in company. Girlfriend left him.

Conflict: Subtext implies Maria warned girlfriend about losing company.

Action: Maria gets on the bar to change channel from depressing news on TV.

Finish: As president, James sees a path to fight Renquist.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT

James bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar to impress Maria.

Start: Maria is skeptical he can bluff, much less win as president.

Challenging Situation: Marie is his best friend, but doesn’t believe in him.

Conflict: James faces off against the gangbangers, using steam as a bluff in steampunk bar.

Action: James leads a conga line. Maria hurts a gangbanger that touched her.

Finish: Maria is impressed.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Maria uproots campaign signs from her lawn and goes inside.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

James and Maria make a practice video. James gets drunk, smashes her table and passes out. She uploads the video unedited out of anger. She lets James sleep it off in her bed.

Start: Maria is open to helping James’ campaign

Challenging Situation: Maria doesn’t feel listened to. James feels unsupported.

Conflict: James and Maria compete in the video.

Action: James gets drunk, smashes her table and passes out.

Finish: Maria hates his campaign, but tucks him into bed so she can make sure he’s all right.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

James thinks they had drunk sex, only to be embarrassed when pointed out he’s still fully clothed. James assumes Maria broke the table. James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath. Maria will take James home.

Start: James is so happy that he had drunk sex with Maria.

Challenging Situation: James bared his feelings for Maria and she’s not interested.

Conflict: James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath.

Action: Maria rolls out of bed into an attack stance when James goes for a kiss.

Finish: James is so embarrassed that nothing actually happened with Maria.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

James opens mail. His unemployment was blocked. He’ll sell his furniture to make rent. Behind him, Maria opens the door to a ransacked apartment with destroyed furniture.

Start: Between unemployment and selling furniture, James can make rent.

Challenging Situation: Unemployment was his only money coming in and it was blocked.

Conflict: Renquist continues to close off every avenue of progress, even petty stuff.

Action: Maria opens the door to a ransacked apartment.

Finish: James can’t pay rent with no unemployment and destroyed furniture.

INT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

James’ belongings are destroyed without obvious reason. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. James realizes the car was repossessed so they could search it. James and Maria leave for Maria’s apartment.

Start: James’ belongings are destroyed without obvious reason.

Challenging Situation: Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. James realizes the car was repossessed so they could search it.

Conflict: James is not happy that she recorded him in his office too.

Action: Maria tries to comfort James with an uncomfortable hug.

Finish: James suspects Maria’s home will be the next target, so James and Maria rush out the door.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria’s door is ajar. She rushes in. James calls the police.

<Just a quick transition less than 20 seconds long>

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Two intruders search her things. Maria grabs her katana from her bedroom and chases them. Intruders flee into the bathroom. Maria stabs one as they escape.

Start: Intruders are in Maria’s house

Challenging Situation: Maria’s house is being tossed as they look for surveillance tapes.

Conflict: Intruders will fight the intruders to protect her home.

Action: Maria chases the intruders and stabs one.

Finish: Maria leaves the house to find the intruders.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria runs across her balcony and crosses her neighbors yard with bloody katana in hand. Cops take Maria to jail.

Start: Maria exists her home with a bloody katana.

Challenging Situation: Police see her as a threat and stop her from chasing the intruders.

Conflict: The police won’t help Maria find the intruders and tell her to get on the ground.

Action: Maria runs across her porch and polevaults into the neighbor’s yard.

Finish: Cops take Maria to jail.

END ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Police question James. They imply domestic violence. James denies it, but when he lifts his shirt, he’s badly bruised. The cops leave. Renquist’s henchman comes in and threatens him if he doesn’t turn against Maria. When he gets let out, he finds out the campaign video went viral and the bruises are from smashing the table.

Start: police question James about domestic violence.

Challenging Situation: Cops thing Maria hurt James in domestic violence. He doesn’t remember the night before and has bruises he can’t explain. He has to trust Maria wouldn’t hurt him.

Conflict: Renquist’s henchman comes in and threatens him if he doesn’t turn against Maria.

Action: Police interrogate James and Renquist’s henchman threatens him.

Finish: James finds out his campaign test video went viral.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria looks through her stolen movie collection. James tries to figure out why their video went viral, but no one is talking about him. James tells Maria about the threats. She is really onboard with the president idea.

Everyone is talking about “none of he above” and “more jobs,” the things they said in the video. Everyone is calling themselves “none of the above.” Take Back America endorse “none of the above” and “more jobs.” James knows what to do.

Start: James went viral, but no one discusses him. James’ is confused.

Challenging Situation: Maria feels violated by the intruders. James feels ignored by not going viral right.

Conflict: Maria is with James on the same page about the campaign to fight Renquist.

Action: Maria going through her collection, while James plays detective.

Finish: James’ knows how to take back their message.

INT. MARIA’S CAR – DAY

Maria brings James to the courthouse. He’s decided to change his name to None of the Above. The surprise is that she’s going to change her name to More Jobs.

Start: James decides to change his name to None of the Above.

Challenging Situation: Maria has to change her name to More Jobs.

Conflict: Maria doesn’t want to change her name.

Action: Maria tries to get James.

Finish: James flees the car before Maria gets him.

END ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

EXT. COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT – DAY

Maria chases James around the car. He points out that their names have to match the Take Back America Movement’s endorsement if they want to take back their message.

Start: Maria is mad at James for suggesting she change her name.

Challenging Situation: Maria doesn’t want to be force to change her name.

Conflict: James and Maria don’t agree on her name change.

Action: Maria chases James around the car.

Finish: James’ arguments make Maria pause to think.

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

The judge lets James change his name and use the millions of views instead of the newspaper. James is now None of the Above (None). Maria can change her name to More Jobs, but needs millions of views, or else she’ll have to use the newspaper and wait. Maria does the required video.

Start: They’ve decided to change names, but it’s not automatic.

Challenging Situation: Maria can change her name to More Jobs, but needs millions of views, or else she’ll have to use the newspaper and wait.

Conflict: James and Maria must get their name changes approved.

Action: James and Maria have to argue in front of a judge.

Finish: James is now None of the Above(None) and Maria does a video to earn her name change.

INT. OFFICES OF SHEN WONG – DAY

None and Maria go to the offices of Shen Wong so that James can apologize to his brother. None still blames Shen for losing the company. Shen goes over the escape clauses from the contract they could use, but all of them are out of reach. He agrees to be their campaign manager. Maria’s name change to More Jobs comes through. They will head out on national road trip to get on the ballot before Take Back America knows they’re a real campaign.

Start: James has to apologize to his brother to get his legal advice.

Challenging Situation: James blames Shen for losing his company.

Conflict: James gives Shen an insulting apology. James only comes to Shen when he needs something.

Action: Maria barges into Shen’s office, despite an assistant that tries to stop her.

Finish: Shen gets ready to leave on a road trip with None of the Above and More Jobs.

END ACT FIVE

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It’s easy to create a beat sheet using final draft to autocomplete your scene headings. I’m glad I bought an new upgrade version for this class.

1. Tell us your Show Concept and Inciting Incident.

Childhood friends James Wong and Maria Cortez have their billion-dollar software company stolen with a shady contract. They find the ultimate power-up to fight back: become president. They change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs. Who won’t vote for more jobs in a bad economy?

On surveillance tapes, Maria finds a secret that puts her and anyone who helps her in danger. She must unravel the conspiracy before they find the last tapes and kill her.

Inciting incident: Renquist steals control of the company with a shady contract and threatens Maria’s life when she tells him about the surveillance tapes.

2. List your A, B, and C Stories.

A: Getting the company back and chasing the presidency to gain power to fight back against Renquist.

B: Keeping Renquist from getting all the surveillance tapes and investigating the conspiracy.

C: The love lives of James and Maria.

3. Present your current Beat Sheet with no dialogue.

TEASER

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY

In a misty cavern, the mist forms letters “begin quarantine simulation.” The letters dissipate and the mist reform into holograms.

INT. WHITE HOUSE SITUATION ROOM – DAY

All face point towards a Hispanic woman, the PRESIDENT. Nukes launch in fourteen hours. Nothing can be done.

The mist swirls.

EXT. PLANE WRECKAGE – DAY

Plane wreckage surrounds a burning piece of mangled metal with the American presidential seal on it. Air Force One is down!

The mist swirls.

EXT. LOW EARTH ORBIT – DAY

Missiles launch across America. Nukes stream high into the atmosphere. To prepare for retaliatory strike, satellites swivel into new positions.

The mist swirls.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE BUNKER – DAY

On a satellite feed, two blinding lights detonate over a city. Mushroom clouds rise as the city below is obliterated into ash.

A centipede-like body with thousands of tentacles rises like a skyscraper. It sucks the debris cloud into its body. The ground liquifies and absorbs into the growing monstrosity.

INT. UNDERGROUND ICE CAVERN – DAY

The mist swirls into red flashing letters in midair: “Ascension event timeline detected.”

END TEASER

ACT ONE

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Renquist gropes Maria, suggests a makeover for her, and offers to make her interim CEO. She leaves to get James.

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY

James playful and happy about selling company. Returns to office with Maria.

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Renquist announces he’s stolen control of the company with a shady contract and replacing James with Maria. Maria leaves to her office.

INT. MARIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Maria watches executive suite on security cameras while she does a make over. She puts hard drives in mail envelopes. Renquist’s bodyguards hold None down as Renquist kill James’ pet ants and remove him from the building.

INT. TECH CUBICLES – DAY

Maria drops the packages off with Thelma and goes into executive suite to see Renquist in sexy outfit.

INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY

Maria pretends to come on to Renquist, then kicks his ass. She tells Renquist about the surveillance tapes and he threatens to kill her.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

Maria tells James she didn’t betray him. James’ car gets repossessed.

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT

James decides to run for president with Maria as VP.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. BEER BEAKERS – NIGHT

James bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar to impress Maria.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Maria uproots campaign signs from her lawn and goes inside.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

James and Maria make a practice video. James gets drunk, smashes her table and passes out. She uploads the video unedited out of anger. She lets James sleep it off in her bed.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

James thinks they had drunk sex, only to be embarrassed when pointed out he’s still fully clothed. James assumes Maria broke the table. James’ friends are avoiding him because Renquist is on the warpath. Maria will take James home.

EXT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

James opens mail. His unemployment was blocked. He’ll sell his furniture to make rent. Behind him, Maria opens the door to a ransacked apartment with destroyed furniture.

INT. JAMES’ APARTMENT – DAY

James’ belongings are destroyed without obvious reason. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. James realizes the car was repossessed so they could search it. James and Maria leave for Maria’s apartment.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria’s door is ajar. She rushes in. James calls the police.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Two intruders search her things. Maria grabs her katana from her bedroom and chases them. Intruders flee into the bathroom. Maria stabs one as they escape.

EXT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria runs across her balcony and crosses her neighbors yard with bloody katana in hand. Cops take Maria to jail.

END ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Police question James. They imply domestic violence. James denies it, but when he lifts his shirt, he’s badly bruised. The cops leave. Renquist’s henchman comes in and threatens him if he doesn’t turn against Maria. When he gets let out, he finds out the campaign video went viral and the bruises are from smashing the table.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Maria looks through her stolen movie collection. James tries to figure out why their video went viral, but no one is talking about him. James tells Maria about the threats. She is really onboard with the president idea.

INT. MARIA’S HOUSE – DAY

Everyone is talking about “none of he above” and “more jobs,” the things they said in the video. Everyone is calling themselves “none of the above.” Take Back America endorse “none of the above” and “more jobs.” James knows what to do.

INT. MARIA’S CAR – DAY

Maria brings James to the courthouse. He’s decided to change his name to None of the Above. The surprise is that she’s going to change her name to More Jobs.

END ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

EXT. COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT – DAY

Maria chases James around the car. He points out that their names have to match the Take Back America Movement’s endorsement if they want to take back their message.

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

The judge lets James change his name and use the millions of views instead of the newspaper. Maria can change her name to More Jobs, but needs millions of views, or else she’ll have to use the newspaper and wait.

INT. OFFICES OF SHEN WONG – DAY

None and Maria go to the offices of Shen Wong so that James can apologize to his brother. None still blames Shen for losing the company. Shen goes over the escape clauses from the contract they could use, but all of them are out of reach. He agrees to be their campaign manager. They will head out on national road trip to get on the ballot before Take Back America knows they’re a real campaign.

END ACT FIVE

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT:

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

With years of crafting, this pilot which comprises 11.69% of the first book and a chapter from book 2, setups important plotlines that spread across 2 books (seasons 1.0 and season 1.5). My engineering mind excels at setups.

The teaser sequence the class inspired me to come up with sets up the finale sequence of season 1.5 and telegraphs that this series is not just about politics.

1. Go to your TV Pitch Bible: Look at the future episodes, five seasons, and character descriptions. Go to your BW Framework: Look at all the info there.

2. Make a list of events/character reveals/under-the-surface info that COULD be set up in the pilot. Just use the obvious ones. You don’t need to create the entire season right now.

3. Decide which you are going to include in the pilot.

The teaser sets up the entire finale sequence of season 1.5 with a few misdirects and having the information this early causes a lot of open loops and mysteries in less than 2 pages of the script.

The intruder sequence introduces a major character (Zelda) that we won’t realize is the intruder until a reveal at the end of season 1.0. There will be an extra layer added at the beginning of season 1.5 that will show the intruder sequence in a new light.

Another character we assume is Renquist’s henchman, but later realize he’s another villain with his own Russian cabal.

The missing katana is a major clue later in the book and is used against Maria in the climactic finale of season 1.0. A dagger reforged from a piece of the broken katana is a token used in season 1.5

The pilot sets up the overall subplots of the book:

James and Maria try to get control of their company.

Maria keeping Renquist from getting all the copies of the surveillance tapes.

Maria doesn’t want a physical relationship with James, but still sabotages his romantic relationships.

Maria as the warrior and James as the creative thinker.

It introduces the high concept of season 1.0, i.e. using a viral video with name change to None of the Above to win an election.

It introduces another character (Rick Slater) that will popup in season 1.0 and season 1.5.

It introduces the two main characters and both villains.

Thelma is a dead man’s switch and ends up getting killed for helping Maria mid season 1.0

It shows a mix of genres to give readers/viewers an idea of the series and the unconventional nature of it. None of the Above, is not just a character name, but represents the mission of the series to be unique and memorable, like none of the above.

4. Fill those into the Outline and tell us which ones you are going to use.

Already in the outline

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Always making things hard for my characters has been something I’ve always focused on, not only in writing, but also in running role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. After years of crafting on my first book, I don’t see more improvements I can make, other than editing it down. I think it would require helpful feedback from another writer to spark more changes.

This course may be better on new material, but this existing series is the only reason I took the class. There would otherwise be no need for the class.

1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:

A. Crucible

James loses everything, from his billion dollar company (done in a humiliating way), supermodel girlfriend, expensive car, and even his apartment and belongings are destroyed. Renquist even blocks his unemployment. His friends are afraid to be associated with him.

B. Betrayal

Maria appears to betray James, but it was a ruse Maria used to get Renquist alone to kick his ass. Maria apologizes later, and then a minor twist that he already figured out she didn’t betray him because of the lipstick.

James is given a choice to betray Maria or face consequences. He won’t betray her.

While Maria is not interested in being physical with James, that doesn’t stop Maria from sabotaging his relationships.

C. Forced Decision

Even though he blames his brother for the loss of his company, he has no money for a lawyer and no one will face Renquist’s powerful lawyers on contingency. He has to make peace with his brother, his only legal option.

D. Hurt those they love

By making copies of the surveillance tapes, Maria has become dangerous to everyone she cares about. She tries to keep James safe by not sharing the tapes with him. After his apartment is ransacked and his belongings destroyed, she tells him about them.

E. Emotional Dilemma

F. Exposed

Renquist’s secrets are exposed on surveillance tapes that he’s willing to kill for. Maria is safe, only until he gets his hands on all the copies.

G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences

By not betraying Maria at the police station, James has made a powerful new enemy besides Renquist, one that almost costs him the presidency and puts James and Maria in further danger.

2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?

Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.

Undeserved misfortune

James loses so much in the first act.

External character conflicts

The loss of the company causes a rift between James and his brother Shen.

Plot intruding on life

Plans that failed

Maria made copies of the surveillance tapes to earn favors from Renquist. Instead it put Maria and anyone who helps her in danger.

None calls the cops to get help with the intruders. Instead, they take Maria to jail.

Witnessing the pain of others

Renquist kills James’ pet ants. Ants go on to become symbolic in season 1.0

Extreme consequences

Surveillance tapes put Maria and anyone who helps her in danger.

Major loss

James and Maria lose control of a billion dollar software company.

Brings their wound present

James is hung up on Maria and finding himself in her bed and finding out they didn’t sleep together reinforces his insecurities about her and sex in general.

Step 2: Make those situations even worse.

Make it more painful

Raise the stakes

Create more loss

Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk

Time this to be at the worst moment

Make it more physically threatening

3. Fill those into your current outline and rewrite it.

The one change was to take out driving and car crash sequence and replace it with a quick line of dialogue and skip straight to the car being repossessed. I lose some humor in favor of drama and quicker pace.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I tend to create rapid fire questions and answer most of them quickly. My storytelling style sacrifices lasting open loops for forward momentum.

1. Look through your current outline and find opportunities for at least 5 Open Loops and 5 Mysteries either in the plot or about the characters.

List them like this:

Main Mystery: What does the simulation mean?

Sub-Mysteries: Where is the ice cavern located?

Sub-Mysteries: What does quarantine simulation mean?

Sub-Mysteries: Who ran the simulation?

Sub-Mysteries: What is the purpose of the simulation?

Sub-Mysteries: Who shot down Air Force One?

Sub-Mysteries: The President continues to talk after Air Force One was shot down. Who was on Air Force One when it was shot down?

Sub-Mysteries: Why can’t the nukes be stopped from launching?

Sub-Mysteries: Why is America launching nukes?

Sub-Mysteries: How will satellites help to prepare for a retaliatory strike?

Sub-Mysteries: Who is launching a retaliatory strike?

Sub-Mysteries: How does the mist create holograms?

Sub-Mysteries: What city was destroy by nukes?

Sub-Mysteries: What is the gigantic monster?

Sub-Mysteries: Where did the monster come from?

Sub-Mysteries: How was the monster able to survive a nuclear blast?

Sub-Mysteries: How is the monster able to absorb the nuclear debris and ground?

Sub-Mysteries: What is an ascension event?

Sub-Mysteries: How can the simulation predict timelines?

Main Mystery: What is on the surveillance tapes that’s worth killing for?

Sub-Mysteries: Who did Maria mail the packages of the surveillance tapes to?

Sub-Mysteries: Maria winked to Thelma. What does Thelma know about the tapes?

Sub-Mysteries: To what extent is Thelma working with Maria?

Sub-Mysteries: Who are the intruders?

Sub-Mysteries: Did Renquist send the intruders?

Sub-Mysteries: What happened to the intruder that Maria stabbed?

Sub-Mysteries: How did Renquist get enough access to a police station for his henchman to interrogate James?

Sub-Mysteries: Which cops at the police station were on Renquist’s payroll?

Mystery: Why is their company worth so much money?

Sub-Mysteries: What was Renquist’s plan for the company?

Sub-Mysteries: Maria kicked Renquist’s ass. Why is he coming after James instead of Maria?

Mystery: Why is Maria so jealous when she has no interest in being physical with James?

Open Loop: Could the simulation happen?

Sub-Open Loops: Maria was the president in the simulation, but she’s running for VP. Will something happen to James?

Sub-Open Loops: Can the nukes be stopped?

Sub-Open Loops: Can the monster be stopped?

Main Open Loop: Will Renquist make good on his threats to kill MJ over the surveillance tapes?

Sub-Open Loops: Where is MJ’s missing katana that she stabbed an intruder with?

Main Open Loop: Will James and Maria get back control of their company?

Sub-Open Loops: Will any of the contract escape clauses be useful?

Main Open Loop: Will James and Maria win the election for president and VP?

Sub-Open Loops: Can James prove himself to Maria?

Sub-Open Loops: Is Maria fully committed to James’ campaign?

Sub-Open Loops: How will people react to James Wong and Maria Cortez changing their names to None of the Above and More Jobs?

Sub-Open Loops: Can an honest non-politician survive in the cutthroat dishonest world of politicians and lawyers?

Sub-Open Loops: How will they be able to run a campaign with just three people?

Open Loop: Will None and MJ ever date?

2. Look through your outline to see if you can build in at least one mystery and open loop into each Act of your outline.

There are a lot of little mysteries and open loops that are asked and answered in the same episode. So I’m not sure they really count. Like

Mystery: Did Maria betray James to become CEO of the company?

Open Loop: Will the gang members beat up James or Maria?

3. Add those to the Outline.

(N) = James/None of the Above(None), (M) = Maria Cortez/More Jobs(MJ), (R) = Alvin Renquist , (M) = Mystery, (OP)=Open Loop

Teaser:

Essence: Maria is president and nuclear war happens on her watch.

(M) What does the simulation mean?

(M) Where is the ice cavern located?

(M) What does quarantine simulation mean?

(M) Who ran the simulation?

(M) What is the purpose of the simulation?

(M) Who shot down Air Force One?

(M) The President continues to talk after Air Force One was shot down. Who was on Air Force One when it was shot down?

(M) Why can’t the nukes be stopped from launching?

(M) Why is America launching nukes?

(M) How will satellites help to prepare for a retaliatory strike?

(M) Who is launching a retaliatory strike?

(M) How does the mist create holograms?

(M) What city was destroy by nukes?

(OL) Could the simulation happen?

(OL) Can the nukes be stopped?

Turning Point: A strange creature rises from the mushroom clouds of a nuked city.

(M) What is the gigantic monster?

(M) Where did the monster come from?

(M) How was the monster able to survive a nuclear blast?

(M) How is the monster able to absorb the nuclear debris and ground?

(M) What is an ascension event?

(M) How can the simulation predict timelines?

(OL) Can the monster be stopped?

(N Beginning) (M Beginning) (R Beginning)

Act 1:

Stacking intrigue for act 1: (Renquist’s hidden agenda) lots of little things that close off every avenue of escape, to the point that James has to think out of the box and thinks of running for president. Add framing question, “How can he fight back?” to make the audience think about the question before it’s answered.

(M) Why is their company worth so much money?

(M) What was Renquist’s plan for the company?

Essence: (N TP1) (M TP1) (R TP1) Maria and James started a billion-dollar software company, but Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Renquist will kill Maria once he has found all copies of the surveillance tapes. (R midpoint) Renquist attacks James in every way, even petty things like blocking his unemployment. Lawyers and friends won’t return his calls because everyone is afraid of Renquist.

(M) What is on the surveillance tapes that’s worth killing for?

(M) Who did Maria mail the packages of the surveillance tapes to?

(M) Maria winked to Thelma. What does Thelma know about the tapes?

(M) To what extent is Thelma working with Maria?

(OL) Will James and Maria get back control of their company?

(OL) Will Renquist make good on his threats to kill MJ over the surveillance tapes?

While Renquist is beating down James, Maria is watching from the surveillance cameras in his office. We see her making copies and putting those into packages.

Maria mails off two packages and winks at the executive assistant, Thelma Livingston, which implies she’s aware of what the packages are. More is revealed in a later episode.

Maria reveals to Renquist that she has the tapes. Renquist threatens to kill her.

When Renquist steals the company from James, he wants Maria to run it. It looks like Maria is betraying him. What actually happened is she lulled him into complacency and then kicked his ass.

Maria goes to let James know he didn’t betray him. He makes her almost beg for forgiveness.

At the bar, James reveals he figured out she didn’t betray him because she was wearing lipstick which happens when she kicks people’s asses but pretended he didn’t know to make her work for it.

(M) Why is Maria so jealous when she has no interest in being physical with James?

Turning Point: (N-midpoint)James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

(OL) Maria was the president in the simulation, but she’s running for VP. Will something happen to James?

(OL) Will James and Maria win the election for president and VP?

Act 2:

James bluffs to scare some punks by warning about all the things dihydrogen monoxide can do. He acts like its a dangerous chemical. It turns out it’s a reference to water. Turns out it wasn’t water but vodka, so he could have accidentally created a Molotov cocktail, so ironically it was dangerous.

Essence: James wants MJ to be his VP, but he has to prove he can bluff. He bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar. After the bar, they do a practice campaign video with James drunk that goes off the rails.

(OL) Can an honest non-politician survive in the cutthroat dishonest world of politicians and lawyers?

(OL) Can James prove himself to Maria?

(OL) Is Maria fully committed to James’ campaign?

Stacking intrigue for Act 2: Pressure builds on Maria to retaliate over her displeasure with James’ campaign: (strange behavior) being too drunk, (strange behavior) smashing her table, (deception) saying she’s sold on the idea, but not really sold.

Turning Point/Midpoint: (M midpoint) In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Act 3:

Essence: (N TP2)(M TP2) James wakes up in Maria’s bed thinking they had drunk sex, but he’s still fully clothed. James goes home and finds his apartment in shambles. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. They rush to MJ’s place where there are intruders.

James gets drunk and Maria tucks him into her bed. When he wakes up he thinks they had drunk sex and is corrected in embarrassment. He had also broken a table but thinks MJ did it in anger.

(OL) Will None and MJ ever date?

None of James’ friends call him back, so he uses Maria’s phone to call his friend. It reveals that Renquist is trying to not only destroy James but anyone who shares his common Chinese name.

(M) Maria kicked Renquist’s ass. Why is he coming after James instead of Maria?

James’ apartment was ransacked. They were looking for something. That forces Maria to confess about the surveillance tapes. James realizes that the car was also repossessed to look in it. They rush to Maria’s apartment to find intruders.

Stacking intrigue for Act 3 (conspiracy):

1. We’ve seen packages sent out and death threats over them to lay the groundwork.

2. We saw James’ apartment ransacked.

3. While we thought James’ car being repossessed meant one thing, James realizes it’s to allow the car to be searched too.

4. Then we have the urgency of expecting Maria’s apartment is being searched. Which prepares us for the intruders turning point.

Turning Point: (M major conflict) (R TP2) Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

(M) Who are the intruders?

(M) Did Renquist send the intruders?

(M) What happened to the intruder that Maria stabbed?

(OL) Where is MJ’s missing katana that she stabbed an intruder with?

Maria stabs one of the intruders. The intruders escape and cops instead arrest Maria. It becomes obvious that Renquist has cops on the payroll too.

One of the intruders is Zelda Remington, who will murder her way into James’ love life later in the season, holding a personal grudge against Maria for her partner’s death. More layers of this will be revealed in episode 1 of season 1.5.

Act 4:

Essence: (N major conflict) (R major conflict) Renquist has crooked cops on his payroll. One of Renquist’s people interrogates None in the police station. They offer him a deal if he’ll turn on Maria, but he doesn’t. The embarrassing video where he talked about being like None of the Above went viral but no one is talking about James Wong. (R ending)

In the police station, Trench Coat Man wants James to help him frame Maria for murder. James doesn’t help and he gives up on that plan but threatens James. He is thought to be a henchman of Renquist, but he’s a Russian oligarch that has as much to lose if the tapes get out. That reveal happens at the end of season 1.0.

(M) How did Renquist get enough access to a police station for his henchman to interrogate James?

(M) Which cops at the police station were on Renquist’s payroll?

The police were told Maria hurt James and he says she didn’t but when he takes off his shirt, he’s covered with bruises. He then half-remembers that he fell down. It’s only after he finds his embarrassing video that Maria is vindicated. This is how it’s revealed that his video went viral.

Stacking intrigue for Act 4: None of the Above is reflected back to James 3 times:

1. (secret identity) A young cop calls him None of the Above Guy in the police station, the reveal that the embarrassing video has gone viral

2. (mystery) No one is reacting to James. All the reaction videos are about being none of the above. He went “viral wrong.”

3. (deception) The Take Back America Movement endorsed none of the above and more jobs. James has no other choice than to act.

Turning Point: James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

They went viral wrong. Everyone is talking about None of the Above and More Jobs, but not James and Maria. The video was so popular that a political group endorsed those names. So James and Maria have to change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs to match what was popular about their video.

(OL) How will people react to James Wong and Maria Cortez changing their names to None of the Above and More Jobs?

Act 5:

Essence: The name changes are successful. James blamed his brother Shen for losing the company as his lawyer. Out of options, None of the Above(None) makes peace with his brother and asks him to be the campaign manager. Shen goes over the remaining options in the contract, but no options are useful. Out of options on using the contract, they are committed to president idea.

(OL) Will any of the contract escape clauses be useful?

Stacking intrigue for act 5 (deception): the Take Back America Movement endorsement means they have to act quick to associate that endorsement with themselves, before the movement realizes.

Lock In: (N-ending) (M ending) They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

(OL) How will they be able to run a campaign with just three people?

4. Tell us which Open Loops and Mysteries you’ve added and the effect on the interest level of the outline.

I added a teaser sequence which probably at least doubled intrigue in the pilot as well as gave an immediate signal this show will mix genres.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT:

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It took me a while to realize I did put in things to setup the act turning points, although some things move fast which makes things harder to setup. I think this technique probably works better on slower heavy turning points instead of quick smaller turning points. The plot points for the stacking intrigue are already there, but a few framing questions ahead of time might get the audience thinking in terms of the turning points ahead of time.

1. Make a list of your turning points.

Stacking intrigue for act 1: (Renquist’s hidden agenda) lots of little things that close off every avenue of escape, to the point that James has to think out of the box and thinks of running for president. Add framing question, “How can he fight back?” to make the audience think about the question before it’s answered.

Act 1 James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

Stacking intrigue for Act 2: Pressure builds on Maria to retaliate over her displeasure with James’ campaign: (strange behavior) being too drunk, (strange behavior) smashing her table, (deception) saying she’s sold on the idea, but not really sold.

Act 2 In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Stacking intrigue for Act 3 (conspiracy):

1. We’ve seen packages sent out and death threats over them to lay the groundwork.

2. We saw James’ apartment ransacked.

3. While we thought James’ car being repossessed meant one thing, James realizes it’s to allow the car to be searched too.

4. Then we have the urgency of expecting Maria’s apartment is being searched. Which prepares us for the intruders turning point.

Act 3 Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

Stacking intrigue for Act 4: None of the Above is reflected back to James 3 times:

1. (secret identity) A young cop calls him None of the Above Guy in the police station, the reveal that the embarrassing video has gone viral

2. (mystery) No one is reacting to James. All the reaction videos are about being none of the above. He went “viral wrong.”

3. (deception) The Take Back America Movement endorsed none of the above and more jobs. James has no other choice than to act.

Act 4 James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

Stacking intrigue for act 5 (deception): the Take Back America Movement endorsement means they have to act quick to associate that endorsement with themselves before the movement realizes.

Act 5 They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

2. Before each Turning Point, brainstorm ways to create intrigue for the Turning Point. Give us the TECHNIQUE and one sentence that tells how you’ll create intrigue for the Turning Point.

3. Select the ideas you like and add them to your growing outline.

(N) = James/None of the Above(None), (M) = Maria Cortez/More Jobs(MJ), (R) = Alvin Renquist

Teaser:

Essence: Maria is president and nuclear war happens on her watch.

Turning Point: A strange creature rises from the mushroom clouds of a nuked city.

(N Beginning) (M Beginning) (R Beginning)

Act 1:

Stacking intrigue for act 1: (Renquist’s hidden agenda) lots of little things that close off every avenue of escape, to the point that James has to think out of the box and thinks of running for president. Add framing question, “How can he fight back?” to make the audience think about the question before it’s answered.

Essence: (N TP1) (M TP1) (R TP1) Maria and James started a billion-dollar software company, but Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Renquist will kill Maria once he has found all copies of the surveillance tapes. (R midpoint) Renquist attacks James in every way, even petty things like blocking his unemployment. Lawyers and friends won’t return his calls because everyone is afraid of Renquist.

While Renquist is beating down James, Maria is watching from the surveillance cameras in his office. We see her making copies and putting those into packages.

Maria mails off two packages and winks at the executive assistant, Thelma Livingston, which implies she’s aware of what the packages are. More is revealed in a later episode.

Maria reveals to Renquist that she has the tapes. Renquist threatens to kill her.

When Renquist steals the company from James, he wants Maria to run it. It looks like Maria is betraying him. What actually happened is she lulled him into complacency and then kicked his ass.

Maria goes to let James know he didn’t betray him. He makes her almost beg for forgiveness.

At the bar, James reveals he figured out she didn’t betray him because she was wearing lipstick which happens when she kicks people’s asses but pretended he didn’t know to make her work for it.

Turning Point: (N-midpoint)James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

Act 2:

James bluffs to scare some punks by warning about all the things dihydrogen monoxide can do. He acts like its a dangerous chemical. It turns out it’s a reference to water. Turns out it wasn’t water but vodka, so he could have accidentally created a Molotov cocktail, so ironically it was dangerous.

Essence: James wants MJ to be his VP, but he has to prove he can bluff. He bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar. After the bar, they do a practice campaign video with James drunk that goes off the rails.

Stacking intrigue for Act 2: Pressure builds on Maria to retaliate over her displeasure with James’ campaign: (strange behavior) being too drunk, (strange behavior) smashing her table, (deception) saying she’s sold on the idea, but not really sold.

Turning Point/Midpoint: (M midpoint) In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Act 3:

Essence: (N TP2)(M TP2) James wakes up in Maria’s bed thinking they had drunk sex, but he’s still fully clothed. James goes home and finds his apartment in shambles. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. They rush to MJ’s place where there are intruders.

James gets drunk and Maria tucks him into her bed. When he wakes up he thinks they had drunk sex and is corrected in embarrassment. He had also broken a table but thinks MJ did it in anger.

None of James’ friends call him back, so he uses Maria’s phone to call his friend. It reveals that Renquist is trying to not only destroy James but anyone who shares his common Chinese name.

James’ apartment was ransacked. They were looking for something. That forces Maria to confess about the surveillance tapes. James realizes that the car was also repossessed to look in it. They rush to Maria’s apartment to find intruders.

Stacking intrigue for Act 3 (conspiracy):

1. We’ve seen packages sent out and death threats over them to lay the groundwork.

2. We saw James’ apartment ransacked.

3. While we thought James’ car being repossessed meant one thing, James realizes it’s to allow the car to be searched too.

4. Then we have the urgency of expecting Maria’s apartment is being searched. Which prepares us for the intruders turning point.

Turning Point: (M major conflict) (R TP2) Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

Maria stabs one of the intruders. The intruders escape and cops instead arrest Maria. It becomes obvious that Renquist has cops on the payroll too.

One of the intruders is Zelda Remington, who will murder her way into James’ love life later in the season, holding a personal grudge against Maria for her partner’s death. More layers of this will be revealed in episode 1 of season 1.5.

Act 4:

Essence: (N major conflict) (R major conflict) Renquist has crooked cops on his payroll. One of Renquist’s people interrogates None in the police station. They offer him a deal if he’ll turn on Maria, but he doesn’t. The embarrassing video where he talked about being like None of the Above went viral but no one is talking about James Wong. (R ending)

In the police station, Trench Coat Man wants James to help him frame Maria for murder. James doesn’t help and he gives up on that plan but threatens James. He is thought to be a henchman of Renquist, but he’s a Russian oligarch that has as much to lose if the tapes get out. That reveal happens at the end of season 1.0.

The police were told Maria hurt James and he says she didn’t but when he takes off his shirt, he’s covered with bruises. He then half-remembers that he fell down. It’s only after he finds his embarrassing video that Maria is vindicated. This is how it’s revealed that his video went viral.

Stacking intrigue for Act 4: None of the Above is reflected back to James 3 times:

1. (secret identity) A young cop calls him None of the Above Guy in the police station, the reveal that the embarrassing video has gone viral

2. (mystery) No one is reacting to James. All the reaction videos are about being none of the above. He went “viral wrong.”

3. (deception) The Take Back America Movement endorsed none of the above and more jobs. James has no other choice than to act.

Turning Point: James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

They went viral wrong. Everyone is talking about None of the Above and More Jobs, but not James and Maria. The video was so popular that a political group endorsed those names. So James and Maria have to change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs to match what was popular about their video.

Act 5:

Essence: The name changes are successful. James blamed his brother Shen for losing the company as his lawyer. Out of options, None of the Above(None) makes peace with his brother and asks him to be the campaign manager. Shen goes over the remaining options in the contract, but no options are useful. Out of options on using the contract, they are committed to president idea.

Stacking intrigue for act 5 (deception): the Take Back America Movement endorsement means they have to act quick to associate that endorsement with themselves, before the movement realizes.

Lock In: (N-ending) (M ending) They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I use layers not just for drama, but also to integrate them into my humor, sometimes with irony or callbacks. Like the joke about not getting a ring for changing her name (like she would for a marriage) will be referenced in later jokes in episode 1 of season 2.0

1. Assuming that you can build in one or more of these into each act, make a list of the Layers and Reveals that could fit into each act of the pilot.

While Renquist is beating down James, Maria is watching from the surveillance cameras in his office. We see her making copies and putting those into packages.

Maria mails off two packages and winks at the executive assistant, Thelma Livingston, which implies she’s aware of what the packages are. I reveal more in a later episode.

Maria reveals to Renquist that she has the tapes. Renquist threatens to kill her.

When Renquist steals the company from James, he wants Maria to run it. It looks like Maria is betraying him. What actually happened is she lulled him into complacency and then kicked his ass.

Maria goes to let James know he didn’t betray him. He makes her almost beg for forgiveness.

At the bar, James reveals he figured out she didn’t betray him because she was wearing lipstick which happens when she kicks people’s asses but pretended he didn’t know to make her work for it.

James bluffs to scare some punks by warning about all the things dihydrogen monoxide can do. He acts like it’s a dangerous chemical. It turns out it’s a reference to water. Turns out it wasn’t water but vodka, so he could have accidentally created a Molotov cocktail, so ironically it was dangerous.

James gets drunk and Maria tucks him into her bed. When he wakes up he thinks they had drunk sex and is corrected in embarrassment. He had also broken a table but thinks MJ did it in anger.

None of James’ friends call him back, so he uses Maria’s phone to call his friend. It reveals that Renquist is trying to not only destroy James but anyone who shares his common Chinese name.

James’ apartment was ransacked. They were looking for something. That forces Maria to confess about the surveillance tapes. James realizes that the car was also repossessed to look in it. They rush to Maria’s apartment to find intruders.

Maria stabs one of the intruders. The intruders escape and cops instead arrest Maria. It becomes obvious that Renquist has cops on the payroll too.

One of the intruders is Zelda Remington, who will murder her way into James’ love life later in the season, holding a personal grudge against Maria for her partner’s death. More layers of this will be revealed in episode 1 of season 1.5.

In the police station, Trench Coat Man wants James to help him frame Maria for murder. James doesn’t help and he gives up on that plan but threatens James. He is thought to be a henchman of Renquist, but he’s a Russian oligarch that has as much to lose if the tapes get out. That reveal happens at the end of season 1.0.

The police were told Maria hurt James and he says she didn’t but when he takes off his shirt, he’s covered with bruises. He then half-remembers that he fell down. It’s only after he finds his embarrassing video that Maria is vindicated. This is how it’s revealed that his video went viral.

They went viral wrong. Everyone is talking about None of the Above and More Jobs, but not James and Maria. The video was so popular that a political group endorsed those names. So James and Maria have to change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs to match what was popular about their video.

2. Look through your current outline and find opportunities for Layers and Reveals, either in the plot, situation, or characters.

3. Add those Layers and Reveals to the current version of your Pilot Outline.

(N) = James/None of the Above(None), (M) = Maria Cortez/More Jobs(MJ), (R) = Alvin Renquist

Teaser:

Essence: Maria is president and nuclear war happens on her watch.

Turning Point: A strange creature rises from the mushroom clouds of a nuked city.

(N Beginning) (M Beginning) (R Beginning)

Act 1:

Essence: (N TP1) (M TP1) (R TP1) Maria and James started a billion-dollar software company, but Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Renquist will kill Maria once he has found all copies of the surveillance tapes. (R midpoint) Renquist attacks James in every way, even petty things like blocking his unemployment. Lawyers and friends won’t return his calls because everyone is afraid of Renquist.

While Renquist is beating down James, Maria is watching from the surveillance cameras in his office. We see her making copies and putting those into packages.

Maria mails off two packages and winks at the executive assistant, Thelma Livingston, which implies she’s aware of what the packages are. More is revealed in a later episode.

Maria reveals to Renquist that she has the tapes. Renquist threatens to kill her.

When Renquist steals the company from James, he wants Maria to run it. It looks like Maria is betraying him. What actually happened is she lulled him into complacency and then kicked his ass.

Maria goes to let James know he didn’t betray him. He makes her almost beg for forgiveness.

At the bar, James reveals he figured out she didn’t betray him because she was wearing lipstick which happens when she kicks people’s asses but pretended he didn’t know to make her work for it.

Turning Point: (N-midpoint)James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

Act 2:

James bluffs to scare some punks by warning about all the things dihydrogen monoxide can do. He acts like its a dangerous chemical. It turns out it’s a reference to water. Turns out it wasn’t water but vodka, so he could have accidentally created a Molotov cocktail, so ironically it was dangerous.

Essence: James wants MJ to be his VP, but he has to prove he can bluff. He bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar. After the bar, they do a practice campaign video with James drunk that goes off the rails.

Turning Point/Midpoint: (M midpoint) In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Act 3:

Essence: (N TP2)(M TP2) James wakes up in Maria’s bed thinking they had drunk sex, but he’s still fully clothed. James goes home and finds his apartment in shambles. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. They rush to MJ’s place where there are intruders.

James gets drunk and Maria tucks him into her bed. When he wakes up he thinks they had drunk sex and is corrected in embarrassment. He had also broken a table but thinks MJ did it in anger.

None of James’ friends call him back, so he uses Maria’s phone to call his friend. It reveals that Renquist is trying to not only destroy James but anyone who shares his common Chinese name.

James’ apartment was ransacked. They were looking for something. That forces Maria to confess about the surveillance tapes. James realizes that the car was also repossessed to look in it. They rush to Maria’s apartment to find intruders.

Turning Point: (M major conflict) (R TP2) Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

Maria stabs one of the intruders. The intruders escape and cops instead arrest Maria. It becomes obvious that Renquist has cops on the payroll too.

One of the intruders is Zelda Remington, who will murder her way into James’ love life later in the season, holding a personal grudge against Maria for her partner’s death. More layers of this will be revealed in episode 1 of season 1.5.

Act 4:

Essence: (N major conflict) (R major conflict) Renquist has crooked cops on his payroll. One of Renquist’s people interrogates None in the police station. They offer him a deal if he’ll turn on Maria, but he doesn’t. The embarrassing video where he talked about being like None of the Above went viral but no one is talking about James Wong. (R ending)

In the police station, Trench Coat Man wants James to help him frame Maria for murder. James doesn’t help and he gives up on that plan but threatens James. He is thought to be a henchman of Renquist, but he’s a Russian oligarch that has as much to lose if the tapes get out. That reveal happens at the end of season 1.0.

The police were told Maria hurt James and he says she didn’t but when he takes off his shirt, he’s covered with bruises. He then half-remembers that he fell down. It’s only after he finds his embarrassing video that Maria is vindicated. This is how it’s revealed that his video went viral.

Turning Point: James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

They went viral wrong. Everyone is talking about None of the Above and More Jobs, but not James and Maria. The video was so popular that a political group endorsed those names. So James and Maria have to change their names to None of the Above and More Jobs to match what was popular about their video.

Act 5:

Essence: The name changes are successful. James blamed his brother Shen for losing the company as his lawyer. Out of options, None of the Above(None) makes peace with his brother and asks him to be the campaign manager. Shen goes over the remaining options in the contract, but no options are useful. Out of options on using the contract, they are committed to president idea.

Lock In: (N-ending) (M ending) They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

4. Tell us which Layers, Cover Ups, and Reveals you’ve added to the outline.

All of them were in the original book, with many more things to be revealed in later episodes.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT

6. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I’m still not confident in my ability to break acts. I can see the pieces are there, but I might not be labeling them correctly. I felt ready to give up and just write the pilot, but I gave it a day to calm down and I was able to find the character plot and label it.

I find writing stories is much easier for me than analysis.

1. Start with a main character and your source material: BW Framework and TV Pitch Bible.

2. Create a beginning, middle, and end of the character’s story for the pilot.

James Wong/None of the Above (None)

Beginning: CEO of a billion dollar software company that he runs with his best friend, driving a Lamborghini, dating a famous supermodel, good relationship with his brother.

Middle: Renquist stole his company, repossessed his car, had his apartment ransacked, and even blocked his unemployment. James lost his girlfriend and he’s essentially homeless, crashing at Maria’s place. He’s running for president and his campaign video went viral in an unhelpful way. James blames his brother as his lawyer for losing his company and they have fallen out.

End: Changed his name to None of the Above and run for president, gotten his brother Shen to be his lawyer and campaign manager. He’s made the viral video useful and is excited to leave on the campaign trail. President is the only option None of the Above sees left.

Maria Cortez/More Jobs (MJ)

Beginning: Executive of a billion dollar software company that she helps run with her best friend, She tries to downplay her looks to avoid unwanted attention.

Middle: Renquist touched her, stole the company she helped build, and will kill her once he finds the last copy of the surveillance tapes. She kicked Renquist’s ass and stabbed one of the intruders looking for the tapes in her home.

End: reluctantly changed her name to More Jobs and run for VP. She has faith in None, but feels like a third wheel.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters for the Pilot.

James Wong/None of the Above (None)

Beginning: CEO of a billion dollar software company that he runs with his best friend, driving a Lamborghini, dating a famous supermodel, good relationship with his brother.

Turning Point: Renquist steals his company with a shady contract. Renquist has him humiliated and thrown out of the building. Renquist has his car repossessed. Lawyers and friends won’t return his call.

Midpoint: James decides to run for president. He proves to MJ he’s worth joining as VP by bluffing some punks with steam in a steampunk bar.

Turning Point 2: James wakes up in Maria’s bed and thinks they’ve had drunk sex, but instead she embarrasses him and points out he is still fully clothed. When Maria takes him home he finds his apartment in shambles.

Major Conflict: When MJ attacks the intruders he’s taken to the police station as a witness. Renquist’s has people working for him at the police station and None is threatened if he doesn’t turn on Maria. He stays true to Maria despite threats to his life.

Ending: James Wong changes his name to None of the Above and reconciles with his brother Shen, who becomes his lawyer and campaign manager. None, MJ, and Shen leave for a road trip to get on the ballot.

4. Return to another main character and repeat the process.

Maria Cortez/More Jobs (MJ)

Beginning: Beginning: Executive of a billion dollar software company that she helps run with her best friend, She tries to downplay her looks to avoid unwanted attention.

Turning Point: Renquist touched her, stole the company she helped build, and will kill her once he finds the last copy of the surveillance tapes. Maria mailed out two copies of the tape to Dead Man Switches. She kicked Renquist’s ass, but she will be in danger now.

Midpoint: Maria sabotages James’ relationship with Astrid by telling her about James’ new financial situation. Maria keeps the surveillance tapes a secret from James so she doesn’t put him in danger. After a practice campaign video with James drunk goes off the rails, she uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Turning Point 2: When James destroys her table and passes out drunk, she tucks him into bed to watch over him. When he wakes up, he assumes they had sex when he’s drunk because he’s in her bed. She embarrasses him by pointing out he’s fully clothed. He wants to be with her, but she can’t be physical with him.

Major Conflict: Maria finds intruders in her apartment. She attacks them with her katana and chases them outside with her bloody katana. Instead of helping find the intruders, police take her to jail.

Ending: She reluctantly changes her name to More Jobs and run for VP. She has faith in None, but feels like a third wheel. Off on a road trip with None and Shen to get on the ballot.

Alvin Renquist and Dmitri Ivashov

Doing these two together because until a reveal much later, Ivashov is thought to be Renquist’s henchman and an extension of him.

Beginning: A successful billionaire with extensive money and influence.

Turning Point: Renquist steals control of company with a shady contract instead of paying over a billion dollars for it. When Maria reveals that she has surveillance tapes, he must get all the tapes so he can kill Maria. Renquist launches Slam Dunk Jobs which will make him lots of money from his stolen company.

Midpoint: Renquist does everything he can to find the surveillance tapes, from repossessing James’ car to ransacking the apartments of James and Maria. He toys with James from petty things like blocking his unemployment to destroying his possessions. He hurts any company that has a James Wong on the payroll, even if it’s not the right one.

Turning Point 2: When Maria stabs one of Renquist’s allies, Ivashov lets him die so he can frame Maria for murder.

Major Conflict: In the police station, with Maria locked up, Ivashov tries to get James to turn against Maria. When he doesn’t, Ivashov decides to toy with him and then kill him later.

Ending: Renquist uses his money and influence to change more laws to make him future plans unstoppable.

5. Create the first version of your outline by adding the character story lines to the structure from Lesson 3. (OZARK Example Below)

(N) = James/None of the Above(None), (M) = Maria Cortez/More Jobs(MJ), (R) = Alvin Renquist

Teaser:

Essence: Maria is president and nuclear war happens on her watch.

Turning Point: A strange creature rises from the mushroom clouds of a nuked city.

(N Beginning) (M Beginning) (R Beginning)

Act 1:

Essence: (N TP1) (M TP1) (R TP1) Maria and James started a billion-dollar software company, but Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Renquist will kill Maria once he has found all copies of the surveillance tapes. (R midpoint) Renquist attacks James in every way, even petty things like blocking his unemployment. Lawyers and friends won’t return his calls because everyone is afraid of Renquist.

Turning Point: (N-midpoint)James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

Act 2:

Essence: James wants MJ to be his VP, but he has to prove he can bluff. He bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar. After the bar, they do a practice campaign video with James drunk that goes off the rails.

Turning Point/Midpoint: (M midpoint) In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Act 3:

Essence: (N TP2)(M TP2) James wakes up in Maria’s bed thinking they had drunk sex, but he’s still fully clothed. James goes home and finds his apartment in shambles. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. They rush to MJ’s place where there are intruders.

Turning Point: (M major conflict) (R TP2) Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

Act 4:

Essence: (N major conflict) (R major conflict) Renquist has crooked cops on his payroll. One of Renquist’s people interrogates None in the police station. They offer him a deal if he’ll turn on Maria, but he doesn’t. The embarrassing video where he talked about being like None of the Above went viral but no one is talking about James Wong. (R ending)

Turning Point: James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

Act 5:

Essence: The name changes are successful. James blamed his brother Shen for losing the company as his lawyer. Out of options, None of the Above(None) makes peace with his brother and asks him to be campaign manager. Shen goes over the remaining options in the contract, but no options are useful. Out of options on using contract, they are committed to president idea.

Lock In: (N-ending) (M ending) They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

[P.G. Sundling]

Since no classmates are responding to connection requests and it’s been almost two months I’m going to mark this assignment done. I’m of course still willing to exchange feedback if the opportunity arises.

[P.G. Sundling]

Teaser:

Essence: Maria is president and nuclear war happens on her watch.

Turning Point: A strange creature rises from the mushroom clouds of a nuked city.

Act 1:

Essence: Maria and James started a billion-dollar software company, but Renquist steals control of it with a shady contract. Renquist will kill Maria once he has found all copies of the surveillance tapes. Renquist attacks James in every way, even petty things like blocking his unemployment. Lawyers and friends won’t return his calls because everyone is afraid of Renquist.

Turning Point: James decides to run for president, as a power-up to defend against Renquist’s power and influence.

Act 2:

Essence: James wants MJ to be his VP, but he has to prove he can bluff. He bluffs some punks with steam in a steampunk bar. After the bar, they do a practice campaign video with James drunk that goes off the rails.

Turning Point/Midpoint: In spite, Maria uploads the embarrassing video unedited.

Act 3:

Essence: James wakes up in Maria’s bed thinking they had drunk sex, but he’s still fully clothed. James goes home and finds his apartment in shambles. Maria confesses about the surveillance tapes. They rush to MJ’s place where there are intruders.

Turning Point: Maria attacks and chases the intruders, but instead of catching them, she gets taken away by police.

Act 4:

Essence: Renquist has crooked cops on his payroll. One of Renquist’s people interrogates None in the police station. They offer him a deal if he’ll turn on Maria, but he doesn’t. The embarrassing video where he talked about being like None of the Above went viral but no one is talking about James Wong.

Turning Point: James changes his name to None of the Above and gets Maria to change her name to More Jobs to match their viral video.

Act 5:

Essence: The name changes are successful. James blamed his brother Shen for losing the company as his lawyer. Out of options, None of the Above(None) makes peace with his brother and asks him to be the campaign manager. Shen goes over the remaining options in the contract, but no options are useful. Out of options on using the contract, they are committed to the president idea.

Lock In: They have to get on the ballot before Take Back America realizes they’re a real campaign.

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I was thinking of removing the quick scene that shows James Wong in his normal environment, but it’s actually needed. I also had to cram another two chapters into episode one to hit the lock in.

1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?

2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:

Intriguing Concept: A non-politician changes his name to None of the Above and runs for president.

Act 1: When Renquist steals James Wong’s company, James loses his girlfriend, his car, and can’t even get unemployment. He’s powerless. James decides to run for president as a power-up to take on Renquist.

Midpoint: James finds his apartment ransacked. Maria tells him about surveillance tapes. James and Maria rush to Maria’s apartment to find intruders looking for surveillance tapes. Maria attacks and chases them, but crooked cops controlled by Renquist arrest her.

Lock In: There are no useful escape clauses in the contract to get their company back. The power of the presidency is the only way. James and Maria change their name to None of the Above and More Jobs to match the Take Back America Movement’s endorsement. They have to get on the ballot across the country before that group realizes they’re a real campaign.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I’m not sure if I should answer these questions for season 1.5 as well, but the teaser covers major events of the season 1.5 finale sequence and I answered some questions for it.

One way my series is radically different from most is the changing and escalating focus of every half-season.

1. Give us the basic Series Info:

SERIES INFO:

World:

Season 1.0 (national level) The dysfunctional world of American politics.

Season 1.5 (international level) The geopolitics of a cold war accelerating towards nuclear war.

Season 2.0 (interstellar level) survival of the Triple Apocalypse.

Season 2.5 (intergalactic level) Exploring intergalactic civilizations.

Season 3.0 (multiverse level) The strategy and diplomacy of an intergalactic war.

Main mystery(teaser): Will the world survive a nuclear war and what was the creature that emerged from the mushroom clouds?

Impossible Goal (teaser): global survival

Main Conflict (teaser): nuclear escalation

Second Mystery(teaser): Who shot down Air Force One?

Main mystery (season 1.0): What’s on the surveillance tapes that’s worth killing for? Who is behind the conspiracy?

Impossible Goal (season 1.0): Can James Wong become president and get his company back with the help of his best friend?

Main Conflict (season 1.0): Renquist has the wealth and influence to turn anyone against James and Maria. They must fight Renquist at every turn, to win the presidency, get their company back, save the global economy, and survive.

Second Mystery (season 1.0): What is destroying the economy?

Season 1.0 Arc: Even as Maria and James take the White House, the stakes of getting their company back increase. Their fight with Renquist escalates into a life-and-death struggle, culminating in a heavily armed attack on the White House.

Season 1.0 Protagonist Internal Journey: Maria will try to overcome her fear of physical intimacy. James will try to maintain his integrity in the cutthroat world of American politics.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict:

(teaser) A cryptic simulation predicts a doomsday scenario, with Air Force One shot down, nuclear war, and a gigantic monster rising from a nuclear debris cloud.

Alvin Renquist steals a billion-dollar software company from James Wong and Maria Cortez with a shady contract. Maria’s copy of surveillance videos puts her in danger.

Characters Introduced: James Wong, Maria Cortez, Alvin Renquist, Dmitri Ivashov, Zelda Remington, Shen Wong.

Inciting Incident of Season 1: James Wong decides to run for president as a power-up to fight back against Renquist, who stole control of his company.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

There are already many layers in my story and it will take a while to go through all of them. I’ve put down all the layers for the pilot episode, which is 10% of season 1.0.

I’m going to do 2 phases.

Phase 1: Go through the class and take shortcuts in some places and use what I learn to write books that match the bingeworthy TV model.

Phase 2: Do a more thorough implementation after the first 3 books are all complete.

It’s much easier to sell a series based on a successful book series than an incomplete one.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and notice how layers show up in this show — both in this episode and throughout the episodes you’ve already seen.

Tell us the layers you have discovered in the Example Show.

Deadline: 24 hours

Lost ep 11

Revealed layers for episode

Layers in back story

Layer 1: Wound – Jack can’t accept a patient’s death and won’t call time of death.

Layer 2: Character Intrigue – Jack took over for his father because he operated drunk.

Layer 3: Conspiracy – His father gets Jack to cover it up.

Layer 4: Moral Issue – When Jack finds out she was pregnant, he turns his father in. This changes the relationship big time with his dad.

Layers in Claire’s abduction

Layer 1: Claire and Charlie are missing.

Layer 2: Find her stuff and signs of struggle. They have been abducted, so Jack was wrong not to believe her.

Layer 3: Wound – Jack chases after Claire alone. He can’t accept losing Claire, just like he couldn’t accept losing the other pregnant patient.

Layer 4: Locke and search party catch up to Jack. They find a trail.

Layer 5: There are two trails. Either Charlie is leaving a trial or it’s the kidnapper trying to throw them off the scent.

Layer 6: The kidnapper was leaving a decoy trail and Jack is on the right track. He’s attacked.

Layer 7: Moral Issue – The kidnapper threatens to kill one of the hostages if they continue to follow him. Jack continues anyway.

Layer 8 – Wound – Charlie is dead and Jack can’t give up on him. Jack continues even when it shouldn’t work and the island shows it’s magic and revives him.

Layer 9 – They find metal in the jungle floor. Why is it there?

This was the first episode that covered the back story of someone who had already been covered.

Lost overall layers

Plane crash on a tropical island

Polar bears and invisible monsters on the island, so it’s not a normal place.

The island healed Locke and helped bring Charlie back to life. Jack’s dad is probably brought back to live also. Miracles can happen on this island.

There are two other sections of the plane elsewhere, are there more survivors?

There was a distress signal for 16 years, so people have been here before.

Kate was a convict on the run that was captured.

Lock used to be disabled before the island.

Jin-Soo has a secret life in organized crime working for Sun-Hwa’s dad.

Sawyer’s family was destroyed by a swindler and he became one too.

Charlie dealt with substance abuse issues.

Sayid deals with guilt from being an interrogator.

The French scientists knows of a third group besides plane crash and shipwreck

Claire was abducted by the other group.

There’s metal in the jungle floor.

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

Discover the layers that could exist for your show.

1. Brainstorm a list of possible PLOT layers.

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Major scheme revealed

Trench coat man is trying to sway the election with faithless electors and a legal attack.

The Singularity cult was trying to bring the singularity sooner, irregardless of the dangers.

Mystery revealed

Thought the story was one thing, but it is another

A gunman tries to kill None during election results, before the Secret Service arrives.

Trench Coat Man wasn’t Renquist’s henchman, but a Russian oligarch that leads a Russian cabal.

Nuclear war was just a diversion. The real danger is much worse.

Someone or something is killing other AI.

Major shift in Meaning

Renquist wasn’t committing treason. He was trying to get Russians armed with weapons he could disable.

All the coincidences were actually part of Yu Gong Yi Shan’s plan.

Ivashov and Rick Slater are behind the singularity cult. They both have terminal cancers, and see the singularity as their last chance for longevity.

Yu Gong Yi Shan was behind the AI battle for supremacy. He doesn’t just want to eliminate humanity, but also potential rival AIs.

Hidden history

The Russian cabal was created when the Russian president embarrassed Ivashov and threw him into freezing waters with his coat on. Ivashov never takes off his coat for any man.

Hidden plan

None said he couldn’t love Ada in 100 years. Ada gives him the power of accelerated time while he sleeps so that None will quickly get more than 100 years of subjective time so that she can be with him.

None said he could only be with Ada if she helped him give birth to a human baby, something Ada can’t do. This is the real reason Ada teaches None to be the world’s greatest lover, win MJ back, and get her pregnant.

Major betrayal

Renquist kept a kill switch for himself, breaking his agreement with MJ.

2. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

Secret identity

Zelda is a Russian spy.

Yu Gong Yi Shan is an AI that has advanced enough to endanger the entire planet.

Agent Reynolds and six other Secret Service agents work for the Russian cabal.

Character intrigue

MJ gets Astrid to dump None and date Renquist.

Zelda murders Sarah and Betty to make sure None picks her as girlfriend.

Zelda tries to seduce MJ to get close to her so she can find MJ’s package and murder MJ.

MJ tries to play counterspy to find proof Zelda is a spy.

Astrid warns MJ about the assassination plot against None.

Astrid must fake her death and go into hiding.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies

Renquist is working with a Russian cabal on a weapons deal.

Renquist and a group of wealthy businessmen plot the assassination of the president.

The Russian cabal plots an attack on the White House.

Sarah answers the phone, but she’s actually dead and impersonated by an AI.

Hidden Character history

Craig Steel was actually the tourist that brought Astrid to America.

Zelda was an intruder that searched MJ’s apartment.

3. Organize them each into a possible sequence of reveals.

Note that characters change their names. James = None (None of the Above) and Maria = MJ (More Jobs).

Plot Surface:

Adaptive Unlimited (Slam Dunk Jobs)

Layer: It looks like Maria betrayed James and will help Renquist run the Adaptive Unlimited.

Layer: Renquist stole control and profits of the company with a shady contract.

Layer: Maria was only using a ruse to get Renquist alone so she could kick his ass and threaten him.

Layer: Maria has to get James to forgive him. James makes her work for it.

Layer: No lawyers will take their cast against Renquist’s powerful law firm without being paid upfront. James’ only chance is his brother, who he just alienated.

Layer: James figured out Maria didn’t betray him, but made her beg to be friends again anyway. James teases her.

Layer: Renquist is attacking any company with a James Wong on the payroll, not just the right one. James won’t be able to take any new job.

Layer: Renquist filed a misconduct complaint to make sure James can’t receive unemployment.

Layer: Renquist made sure his car was repossessed so he can’t go anywhere.

Layer: Renquist destroyed everything in his apartment so he can’t sell his furniture to make rent.

Layer:

Layer :

Surveillance Tapes

Layer: Maria tells Renquist about surveillance tapes she recorded in None’s office. He threatens to kill MJ, but she implies she has a dead man’s switch.

Layer: James’ apartment is in shambles. MJ admits that Renquist is looking for the tapes.

Layer: James realizes his car was prepossessed to look for tapes. They are probably looking though Maria’s apartment. At her apartment they find armed intruders, which MJ stabs and chases outside. Ironically the police James called to help instead put her in jail.

Layer: James is being questioned at the police station. When the cops leave, a Russian in a trench coat comes in. If he turns against Maria, the sale of the company will go through. Otherwise, he’ll end up dead next time they meet.

Layer:

Layer:

Etc.

Politics

Layer: James decides to run for president and asks Maria to be his VP. He announces his run in Beer Beakers, a steampunk bar. James bluffs some punks in a steampunk bar with what he thinks is water. Ironically, it was vodka, so he almost lit a Molotov cocktail.

Layer: A practice campaign video they made when James was drunk goes viral. Everyone is talking about the none of the above and more jobs part of their video, but not them.

Layer: When the Take Back America Movement changes their endorsement to none of the above and more jobs, James decides to change his name to None of the Above(None) and convinces Maria to change her name to More Jobs (MJ).

Layer: None and MJ must get on the ballot in as many states as possible before the Take Back America Movement realizes what they’ve done.

Layer:

Etc.

Character Surface:

Layer: James and Maria worked on Adaptive Unlimited as close friends and co-workers.

Layer: James thought he had drunk sex with Maria because he woke up in her bed. Maria tumbles out of bed to avoid his kiss. He’s embarrassed when he realizes he was fully clothed and nothing happened. Maria teases him.

Layer: Because Renquist destroyed him financially and for convenience, James has to move in with Maria.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

My writing naturally includes an ironic sense of humor. Even some chapter titles in my books have irony like “Winning is Losing” and “Losing is Winning.” So it’s easy to find examples of it.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and notice where irony shows up in this show — both in this episode and throughout the episodes you’ve already seen.

Tell us the irony you have already discovered in the Example Show.

Polar bears on a tropical island.

Sun-Hwa wanted to marry Jin-Soo because he was good, but after working with her father to get his support, he turns bad.

Kate was a convict and acts like a sheriff on the island.

Sawyers life was ruined by a swindler, but he ended up a swindler myself.

Sayid who tortured ends up tortured himself by the French woman.

Claire boarded a plane to give up her baby, yet the crash stranded her on an island where she has to raise it.

Charlie tries to get his brother off drugs, only to get hooked on them.

Locke wasn’t allowed on the walkabout tour, but got to have the same experience on the island.

In this episode:

The secret notes by the French woman were just song lyrics repeated. What seemed important was unimportant.

Kate pretends to be the hostage in a bank robbery, but she was the mastermind.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

Look back through your previous assignments and find at least 20 different situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony.

With each, brainstorm ideas for ways it could go opposite.

Select the ones that work well for the show and share the character and situational irony ideas with us.

MJ changes her name for a man, but doesn’t get a ring out of it.

MJ acts fearless, but has intense phobias around germs and penetration of her body, including sex.

None wants to run for president, but can’t even stand up to his mother.

None is an honest man who enter the dishonest field of politics.

Sex is important to None, but he loves an asexual woman. He has an easy time dating women, except the one he truly wants.

MJ doesn’t want a romantic relationship with None, but reacts with jealousy and sabotages his relationships.

MJ hates sex, but loves to dress sexy.

None’s office is a fancy executive suite, but it’s decorated like a kid’s room.

Astrid acts like an airhead, but she’s really smart. She takes advantage of people who underestimate her.

When None wakes up in MJ’s bed, he thinks that had sex when he was drunk, only to realize he’s still fully clothed.

James assumes Maria broke the table because of her anger issues, but he did last night when he was drunk.

None is a protest candidate who rails against politician, but needs their help when he becomes president.

None is happy MJ is going to move to Texas, but it turns out that he’s the one moving to Texas to stay with her family.

None offers to mow a lawn with a riding lawnmower, but also mows their flowerbed.

None and MJ get their opponents to give them campaign signs which they deface and turn into their own signs.

Adaptive Unlimited was made to help workers gain skills and find better jobs, but instead it lowers wages and turns the nation’s workforce into a temp nation with no job security.

None creates Adaptonium to help others learn, but then it helps him learn after the brain injury.

While Blacks are associated with lynching, in the Massacre of 1871 it was Chinese men who were lynched on N*gger Alley.

None of the Above goes to add himself on the ballot in California, but “none of the above” is already on the ballot.

None is a genius that acts like a fool to entertain people so they’ll listen to his ideas.

China and America fear each other, but the greatest threat isn’t even human.

None thought robots would eventually crash the economy, but all it took was an app. His app.

None tries to sell him company, but only has the option when he wants to keep the company. A billion should feel like victory, but that’s only a few days profit.

Throughout season 1.0 what is called good news is usually bad news.

Ivashov looks like Renquist’s henchman, but he’s actually a more powerful villain running a Russian Cabal of oligarchs.

Officer Samuels complains that James was letting Maria take the fall for hurting him, but it was actually the opposite of that he was doing.

None went viral, but no one is talking about him, only none of the above.

None thought Corella let him use her dressing room for privacy, but it was actually to secretly record his conversation.

Congress gives None the laws he wanted, but with loopholes that give Renquist’s crony Faraday a free pass.

None thinks Senator Garfield challenged him to a debate in L.A. because it’s None’s home turf, but really it’s a trap because of workers being laid off in L.A.

None assumes it will be illegal to make a commercial for a group of bars, but it no longer is.

None was so good at his goal of not giving Corella useful footage, that the wedding episode is reframed to be about his enemy Renquist.

MJ feels dumped for real, even though Fernando was a pretend boyfriend.

MaxPlume is hiding with Astrid, but still dresses extravagantly.

When confronting Astrid, None said he wished her hair was scalped from her head and that actually happens.

Renquist made secret meetings in offices he didn’t own so he wouldn’t be recorded, but ended up being recorded anyway.

[P.G. Sundling]

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Between audio 5 and lesson 9, this course just earned its money. Despite all the TV show/film free and bonus classes I went through, it finally really clicked.

The key sentences:

Mystery: Compels us to solve the past.

Open Loops: Cause us to wonder and worry about the future.

Plot Layers that change the meaning of some important parts of the show.

You need lots of open questions because the audience won’t care or notice them all. Some will only notice on a subconscious level.

It is the incompletion that created the future for the audience.

ASSIGNMENT 1

1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the Big Picture open loops that were established early in the season.

Lost

Where is the tail of the plane and did the people survive? The pilot survived but dies in the pilot episodes.

Where is the cockpit of the plane and did the people survive?

Will Kate and Jack get together/kiss/sleep together/etc. ?

Sawyer repeatably chases Kate. Will he wear her down?

Will Kate reveal what why she was a criminal?

Will they figure out why polar bears are on a tropical island?

What is the invisible monster tall enough to put a corpse on the top of a tall tree?

Why does the rain start and stop so abruptly?

Will the survivors be rescued?

Who are the survivors? (This question gets answered about a new person every episode for at least the first 10 episodes.) In episode 10, it’s revealed that one of the survivors wasn’t on the plane.

Will they find the source of the distress signal? It’s revealed that another group has taken control of the place broadcasting the distress signal in ep 9.

Will they find the person whose voice is on the distress signal? Found the French woman in ep 9.

How will Charlie deal with his drug addiction? Ep 7 he goes cold turkey and beats the drugs with some difficulty on the 3rd attempt.

Where is Jack’s dad and is he alive? Ep 5 finds an empty casket. So he might not have been imagining his father.

Will Jin-Soo and Sun-Hwa continue to have marital problems? Ep 6 shows how working for her father caused a rift between Jin-Soo and Sun-Hwa.

Why is Hin-Soo so jealous?

Will Claire and her baby survive childbirth? Ep 10, Claire met with a psychic who was adamant that Claire has to raise the baby herself. He knew what would happen with the plane. Claire has nightmares, including one where Locke says, “Now everyone pays the price” for her not taking care of the baby herself. She finds the baby as just blood and after the premonition, she wakes up with bloody hands.

Who will die next? People during the plane crash, people during the plane explosions, one into the motor, the pilot by invisible monster, a girl drowned…

Is the island man-made or natural?

What other sorts of miracles can the island do? Does the island have a supernatural side? It healed Locke so he could walk. Could it have resurrected Jake’s dad?

Will Mike and Jin-Soo remain enemies? Multiple negative encounters and an attack on Mike.

Will Clair and Charlie get together? He makes his interest more known before the baby comes.

Mid-season open loops:

What will Sayid find while exploring the island? He finds a cable to ends up leading him into trap set by the French woman. He get’s tortured, but finds out more about the island. In ep 10, Sayid shares the news that they are not alone.

Will they find what the whispering voices are? Sayid hears the whispers when he leaves the French woman.

Are there really carriers of a disease or has the shipwreck survivor gone crazy?

2. Watch the next episode and see how those open loops are being used to create the need to see future episodes.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.

GOALS:

New goals?

Will Adaptonium be a success?

Goals related to the big picture?

Will None and MJ win president and VP?

Will None and MJ find a way to take down Renquist?

Can None and MJ save the global economy from collapse?

Can None and MJ keep America safe through an escalating cold war?

Crushed goals?

When Renquist steals control of their billion-dollar software company with a shady control, will None and MJ get back control?

Competition / conflict around goals?

CONSEQUENCES:

Are they going to be caught?

Will MJ get caught for blowing up the plane with conspirators since they were Americans?

Will MJ get caught for an illegal drone strike on American soil?

When MJ invades Russia with a special ops team will she get caught.

Problems created from past actions?

What will happen when America realizes None’s app is destroying the economy?

Where is MJ’s missing katana that she stabbed an intruder with?

What will happen when all the women he is dating confront None on TV?

Good plans gone wrong?

Are there consequences from the Global Jubilee?

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

What is the major problem for this character?

What are they trying to solve?

Major change imposed on character?

After MJ gets attacked by ants, she focuses on facing her fears and changes her personality. It also strengthens the None/MJ relationship.

Previous solutions cause new problems?

When a defensive missile system causes China to start a nuclear arms race, what can be done?

RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships in peril?

Will Astrid turn None against MJ?

When MJ accuses Zelda of being a spy, will it drive None away?

New relationships forming?

Could MJ date Fernando?

What motivates the entity’s interest in None? How can it date him without a body?

Conflict inside relationships?

Why is James’s mother letting her boyfriend get rid of her things?

Relationships changing?

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can they survive X?

Will None and MJ survive the election day shooting at their favorite bar and why aren’t the Secret Service protecting them?

Will Zelda kill MJ before she can find proof that Zelda is a spy?

Will None survive the assassination plot?

Will MJ survive the White House attacks?

Who is killing AI and will None be killed because of the AI in his head?

Was None killed when Air Force One was shot down?

Will MJ be able to defend against a retaliatory nuclear strike?

Can None stop the nuclear warheads in time?

What is the surprise threat and can None stop it before it destroys the world?

Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions?

Will the gang members beat up None?

Will None get shot at the gun rally?

Who else is pulled into their danger?

Will the gunman kill bar patrons?

Will another dead man’s switch be killed to get their copy of the surveillance tapes?

Will Renquist murder Astrid for helping None?

Will Fernando murder Astrid in the murder room instead of faking her death?

Why was there an enhanced EMP attack on New Zealand?

Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?

How can MJ use seduction as a counterspy when the thought of sex disgusts her?

How will None deal with his blocked out memories?

Will MJ get over her fear and actually kiss someone intentionally?

Why is None so willing to sacrifice himself?

How will None deal with knowing his love life has a body count?

Why does MJ feel bad when Fernando dumps her as fake boyfriend?

Why is MJ so jealous when she has no interest in being physical with None?

Will None ever fully heal from the brain trauma?

Did None go insane when he modified his brain implant, despite warnings?

Is the entity in None’s head an evil spirit, or a sentient AI?

Has the entity in his head given None real powers, or are they delusions?

Will MJ allow None to take back the presidency when she learns about the entity in his head?

Why is the entity helping him to get MJ back, when the entity is in love with him?

2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.

How will people react to James Wong and Maria Cortez changing their names to None of the Above and More Jobs?

Will None(James Wong/None of the Above) and MJ(Maria Cortez/More Jobs) get back control of their billion-dollar software company?

Will Renquist make good on his threats to kill MJ over the surveillance tapes and what is on them that’s worth killing for?

Can an honest non-politician survive in the cutthroat dishonest world of politicians and lawyers?

Will None and MJ win the election for president and VP?

Who broke into MJ’s apartment and did the man MJ stabbed survive?

Will None and MJ ever date?

Who is Trench Coat Man and how did he gain full access to the police interrogation room?

Note: this list does not include the teaser scene which has at least 8 open loops of it’s own.

[P.G. Sundling]

Version 2. Instead of making the Taiwan land bridge quickly extend, I decided to make it a longer thread throughout the half-season and shift focus to the overall cold war 2.0 instead.

Title:

Book => Hot Nights and Cold Wars: None of the Above 2

Adapted for TV => None of the Above, season 1.5, episodes 1 and 2.

Logline: When China constructs a land bridge to invade Taiwan, it brings the world to the brink of war.

INT – PEOC – DAY

Deep underground the White House is a small war zone. Shot up medical equipment and splattered IV bags. A broken katana penetrates one of the two damaged Andraste powered armors.

Secret Service agents and Army Generals try to debrief President MJ and Secretary of Defense Fernando Rivera after the attacks on the White House. Death toll: 8 conspirators in powered armor killed 112 people. One conspirator abandoned their Andraste and escaped on foot. It was Zelda. She will try to kill MJ again.

General reveals that a malfunction didn’t destroy the drone. The kill switch destroyed it. They discovered this kill switch can disable drones, missiles, helicopters, and much of America’s arsenal. The American military is now vulnerable and needs to minimize deployments.

MJ pretends to be surprised. It must be Renquist. Where has he escaped to? Renquist is the only one with the connections and she saw him destroy the drone with a small device when she tried to kill him. Her drone strike wasn’t legal, so she can’t share her info.

INT – WHITE HOUSE PARTY – DAY

News reporter Corella approaches MJ. MJ tries to intimidate her, but Corella tells her she is working for someone scarier than MJ. Corella writes the tail numbers of the plane MJ shot down. What does she know? MJ offers to meet.

Indian leader wants to move up war games against China. That gives less time to find the kill switch, but can’t say no, or Indian leader might wonder why. Why is India openly defying China? We find out that the nephew of the Indian leader was one of the soldiers killed in the latest China border clash.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

Corella arrives wearing data glasses. Is Corella going to record this meeting?

MJ gets up to object, but Corella hands her the data glasses. Corella is a front for someone else. Who could it be?

MJ puts on Corella’s data glasses over her own so she can record the conversation too. It’s Renquist, the man behind the assassination attempt on None, the man wanted for treason, her hated foe, the one she’s been looking for.

Renquist knows she blew up the plane and blamed it on terrorists. He’s the one that manipulated her into doing it. He can blackmail her.

Renquist explains why he made the kill switch. It was to disable American weapons that fell into the wrong hands. It wasn’t treason. Renquist is a patriot.

Renquist’s plan was to help Kombinat take over Russia with American weapons he could disable at any time. When MJ stopped his plan, the only bargaining chip he had for his life was to give Kombinat the kill switch.

In return for dropping the treason charges, Renquist will help her get the kill switch back. MJ will have to come in person and the attack on Kombinat has to be on the same day as the war games.

The stakes are too high if the kill switch stays in Russian hands. MJ has to think about it.

Renquist sends target and meeting coordinates. It’s deep in Russian territory in the arctic. The plan got more dangerous.

Corella leaves without the data glasses.

MJ sends Fernando the recording.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

MJ and Fernando discuss the deal. It’s probably a trap, but it’s their only lead. Their interests are aligned, so she might be able to trust Renquist temporarily. They hate the deal but see no alternative. A president in powered armor personally leading a special ops mission deep in Russian territory is insane. Talk about plausible deniability!

To avoid leaving evidence behind the mission will use Russian-made Andraste knockoffs for powered armor and Russian guns and ammo. Only MJ will use a real Andraste.

Fernando will lead the U.S. military during the war games, while MJ invades Russia.

They call Renquist back on Corella’s data glasses and make the deal.

INT – U.S. SUBMARINE – DAY

The submarine breaks through the ice in a weak spot near the meeting spot.

MJ calls Fernando on her data glasses. He shares satellite imagery on the Kombinat base. It isn’t lightly defended at all. There are over a hundred powered armors. It looks like a trap! Renquist lied to them.

She asks Fernando to look for an ambush near the meeting site. Renquist only has three henchmen with him, all four of them in Andrastes with oversized snowshoes. Even with powered armor, four people is not enough for an ambush. What’s going on?

Fernando shifts back to the Kombinat base. Planes are loading powered armors for takeoffs. They just needed to wait. It’s not a trap after all.

SEALs deploy from the main submarine and another mini-sub. They test whether the ice can carry enough weight with snowshoes. Once verified, MJ puts on an Andraste and exists the sub.

EXT – ICE – DAY

Renquist and his mercenaries join forces with MJ and her SEALS. They plod towards the base. They take off snowshoes when they reach land.

The Americans overcome the outside defenses and continue inside the Kombinat base.

INT – KOMBINAT BASE – DAY

The skeleton crew is defeated. All that remains is a few at the very back. The leader of the last holdouts is Zelda. When Zelda sees Renquist she gets her troops to hold their fire.

Zelda acts like she expected Renquist to hand over MJ. Instead, Renquist tells her how Zelda’s partner was really killed. Ivashov, leader of Kombinat, wanted to frame MJ for the death of her partner, so Ivashov made sure he bled out. Posing as a police consultant, he tried to get None to turn on MJ. He wouldn’t, so the plan failed. Ivashov let Zelda’s partner die for nothing and blamed it on MJ to make Zelda try to kill her.

Zelda’s troops attack. Zelda and the Americans dispatch them quickly.

Zelda gives up the kill switch and swears to kill Ivashov. She’ll even work as a spy to bring down Kombinat. As an afterthought, Zelda mentions she may still kill MJ after Ivashov is dead.

Russian patrols coming. Their satellites must have detected the explosions.

A mad dash to leave.

EXT – ICE – DAY

To run faster, MJ carries the snowshoes instead of wearing them. The ice cracks. MJ falls underwater and gets trapped under ice.

<end of episode 1>

EXT – UNDERWATER – DAY

Dropping. Dropping. MJ falls into darkness.

The mini-sub latches onto MJ.

Sonic booms as jets fly overhead. MJ remains undetectable under water.

Action sequence as MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs trying to find them while contending with limits on how much air and how much pressure the powered armors can handle and limitations of the mini-sub in arctic conditions.

INT – SUBMARINE – DAY

So cold. Low on oxygen and with micro-fractures in her helmet, MJ gets aboard the main sub for the trip home.

Once out of harm’s way, MJ contacts Fernando. He tells MJ three ships have run aground during the exercises near Taiwan. There can’t be that many incompetent captains. Something is going on.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

Fernando and MJ decide to destroy the kill switch to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands again.

Fernando sets up satellites to look for topography changes where the ship ran aground.

An intelligence report comes in that says Kombinat took over Russia’s government while much of the military was off at the war games with their ally China. Russia is now a rogue superpower with enough nukes to destroy the world, led by the man behind the brazen attacks on the White House. MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power. At least now they know why Kombinat left their base almost undefended.

MJ and Fernando sit in shocked silence at the implications of what they’ve just learned.

INT – PENTAGON – DAY

Fernando covers how America and Russia have thousands of missiles, but China only has hundreds. With new hypersonic missiles, their nukes are more dangerous than ever.

Fernando shows a presentation on Eagle Eye. A new missile defense system counters the latest hypersonic missiles, even those able to circle the entire globe and hit anywhere. In the demo, the President and generals watch. Satellites destroy an evading missile with beam weapons.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

The topology analysis is done. The Chinese coastline expanded near Taiwan and some nearby mountains dropped altitude. They figure out the Chinese are building a land bridge to invade Taiwan. The topology changes are why so many ships ran aground.

They have to stop the invasion of Taiwan to save a free democracy, but also because all the technology secrets of global companies are kept in Taiwan’s fabs where the chips are made. That technology can’t fall into Chinese hands. Without a free Taiwan, there will be a massive shortage of new cars and electronic gadgets for years.

INT – PENTAGON – DAY

Generals discuss countermeasures against a Taiwan invasion.

The meeting is interrupted. The existence of Eagle Eye leaked as breaking news.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – DAY

The President warns the world about the construction of a land bridge toward Taiwan. Accuses China of pushing for war.

INT – CHINESE EMBASSY – DAY

The Chinese ambassador responds. Taiwan is part of China and it’s an internal matter.

China didn’t join the arms race during the cold war. Its strategy was minimum deterrence, as there is no need to destroy the world more than once.

The construction of Eagle Eye destabilized the nuclear balance. There is no longer such a thing as minimum deterrence. The U.S. warmongers challenged China to join an arms race and China accepts.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

U.S. and Russia will no longer be the only ones with thousands of nuclear weapons.

<end of episode 2>

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and focus on the mysteries that have been created in that show. Also, notice the difference between the big picture mysteries that are a big part of the plot across the entire season versus the smaller mysteries.

Tell us about the mysteries from this show.

Episode level

Shocking event mysteries

Sayid finds a cable on the beach. He finds a tripwire, but still sets of a trap.

Sayid finds the woman who created the distress signal. She captures and tortures him. She asks where is Alex? At the end of the episode we find out Alex was her son. The other group are scientists from a destroyed ship/

Over time mystery

Who are the Carriers of sickness? What is the Black Rock? Where are the people she hears whispering? Sayid hears the whispers when he leaves.

Season level

Plane crashes with the tail and cockpit missing. How did they survive? Where are they? The pilot reveals they are a thousand miles off course. Rescuers aren’t coming.

There is a polar bear on a tropical island. That doesn’t fit.

Locke was paralyzed, but on this island, he can walk.

Over time mystery

There is a distress signal that’s been repeating for 16 years. They aren’t the first to end up on the island. Someone knocked out Sayid when he tried to track down the signal. Who was already on the island and why are they working against the plane survivors.

Sayid tortures Sawyer to get information, breaking a promise. He leaves camp to explore the island. What will he find?

There are boars on this island, but there is also a much larger invisible creature tall enough to kill the pilot and place his mangled corpse at the top of a tall tree.

Kate is a convict, what did she do?

What did Jin-Soo do while he was working for Sun-Hwa’s father?

The corpse of Jake’s dad was missing from his casket. Jack has been seeing his father in the jungle. Could his father be alive?

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

Season 1.0

None and MJ lose control of their company.

A. Shocking Event: One of the richest men in the world steals control of a billion dollar software company with a shady contract.

B. Secret: None was involved in coming up with the idea that sparked the company sale, but was so horrified by it that he begged Renquist not to use the idea and blocked out the memory.

C. Investigation: How can None get his company back? There are multiple ways in the contract and they will be blocked one by one. In the end, only ending up in a coma from an assassination attempt finally works.

WWWWW and How:

WHO: Renquist

WHAT: stole the company Adaptive Unlimited and became the world’s first trillionaire.

WHEN: Right as season starts

WHERE: Renquist reveals his control in None’s office, which he has taken over.

WHY: To make billions of dollars.

Part Withheld:

HOW: The job auctions aren’t for new jobs. People are bidding on their own jobs. They always make sure there are more people than jobs to drive wages down. Adaptive Unlimited gets bonuses when wages are lowered.

Season 1.5

A kill switch can disable American military technologies.

A. Shocking Event: President MJ will have to don powered armor and invade a Kombinat base in Russia.

B. Secret: Renquist used a kill switch to destroy a drone, when MJ tried to kill him with an illegal drone strike.

C. Investigation: Renquist makes a deal with MJ to pardon him for treason in return for his help. He provides the intel they need.

WWWWW and How:

WHO: Renquist gave Kombinat the kill switch to save his own life.

WHEN: a few months after the White House attacks.

WHERE: An arctic Kombinat base in an icy landscape.

HOW: Using submarines they sneak into Russia to retrieve then destroy the kill switch.

Part Withheld:

WHAT: The kill switch must not stay in Russian hands.Despite their deal, Renquist has another kill switch which is required to stop a nuclear war.

WHY: Renquist planned to use the kill switch to disable American weapons that fell into the wrong hands. He had to give up the device in return for his life. He’s helping to drop he treason charges.

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

Season 1.0

When MJ makes surveillance tapes of Renquist at a secret meeting, she puts anyone who helps her into danger. She must unravel the mystery before they find the last copy of the tapes and kill her.

A. Cover up: The conspiracy breaks into MJ’s apartment looking for the recordings.

B. Secret: Zelda is a Russian spy who swore to kill MJ with her katana.

C. Reveals: burglars in MJ’s apartment. She stabs one of them with her katana. Police take her katana. The people MJ gave copies to were murdered. Zelda is a spy. Zelda has the katana. Zelda will try to murder her with the same katana that she used to kill her partner. Fernando was interrogated. Trenchcoat man is not Renquist’s henchman, but the leader of a Russian cabal. MJ was drugged. Secret Service agents work for the Russian cabal and attack the White House to kill MJ.

WWWWW and How:

WHAT: A secret meeting must stay secret.

WHEN: MJ copies the tapes at the beginning of pilot.

WHERE: MJ makes copies in her office and mails them out.

HOW: She makes surveillance tapes because she doesn’t trust Renquist, but stumbles on a secret meeting.

Part Withheld:

WHO: Renquist was making a weapons deal with Kombinat, a Russian cabal. Trenchcoat man is a Russian oligarch, not Renquist’s henchman.

WHY: Russians betting big on bank bailout to pay for weapons deal. This is actually a ruse on Renquist’s part, who wants to help Kombinat take over Russia and then disable their weapons with his kill switch.

Season 1.5

China begins construction on a land bridge to invade Taiwan. Will the U.S. risk war with China to defend Taiwan?

A. Cover up: During military exercises multiple ships run aground in the South China Sea. There have been changes to the sea floor.

B. Secret: The AI behind many Chinese military advances becomes dangerous.

C. Reveals: The Chinese are building a land bridge to Taiwan to prepare for invasion. Changes to topology is why ships ran aground. America has a new missile defense. New military technologies get revealed quicker and quicker. It becomes obvious the designs are mostly AI driven. America’s land-based nukes will launch and have to be stopped to avoid nuclear war. The AI wages tricks a singularity cult to weaken AI safeguards. Someone or something is murdering AI, which turns out to be the Chinese AI. None’s plane was almost shot down. It wasn’t lucky, but the Chinese AI trying to change None’s plans.

WWWWW and How:

WHO: China

WHAT: China prepares to invade Taiwan

WHEN: construction began before MJ invaded Russia.

WHERE: South China Sea

HOW: Literally moving mountains, moving the dirt into the ocean. The AI also continues to advance military technology to support China’s invasion plans.

Part Withheld:

WHY: Much of the military escalations are driven by the Chinese AI. It’s intricate plans involve taking total control of the planet.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

2. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

There are probably at least another 20+ empathy/distress situations in season 1.0(novel 1) that I’ve forgotten about. The book is filled with them, but I’ve forgotten lots of details since I wrote the book over four years ago. I need to reread my first novel, or at least listen to the audiobook soon so that I remember more.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

1. Watch the next episode of your Example Show and focus on the Empathy/Distress that shows up in this episode and throughout the season so far.

Episode 8 of Lost:

Episode level:

Sawyer makes Kate uncomfortable when he comes back from the ocean naked.

Charlie wants to get the pregnant woman peanut butter. In the end, he brings her an empty jar of imaginary peanut butter. She plays along.

Boone found Sawyer’s stash of stuff. He looked for his sister’s inhalers and Sawyer kicked his ass. Jake and Sayid resort to torture of Sawyer. Only after a kiss from Kate will he tell them he never had it.

Big Picture:

Sawyer is not his real name. He took the name of the man who swindled his family out of all their money, resulting in the murder/suicide of his parents. He wrote a letter for the swindler to give to him when he finds them. He has become a swindler too. Sawyer seems self-destructive.

Sayid was attacked when trying to detect the source of the distress signal.

After resorting to torture and breaking an old promise, Sayid will venture out to explore the island alone.

Overall season Big Picture:

A. Undeserved misfortune.

Locke wasn’t able to walk until he arrived on the island. His friends/co-workers were dismissive and made fun of him. His girlfriend was actually a woman he paid to talk to him.

Charlie was the core of the band Driveshaft, but his brother got all the groupies and fame. He kept being upstaged, even when his brother said he wouldn’t.

Sawyer is not his real name. He took the name of the man who swindled his family out of all their money, resulting in the murder/suicide of his parents. He wrote a letter for the swindler to give to him when he finds them. He has become a swindler too. Sawyer seems self-destructive. The death of his parents is his big wound.

Jin-Soo attacks Mike over a misunderstanding about a watch. They have continuing mutual distrust even after it’s resolved, because Mike interacts with his wife.

B. External Character conflicts.

Kate was actually a fugitive that was being transported by a marshal. She would tell Jack what she did, but he doesn’t take the opportunity. After that she won’t share what she did.

Jack’s parents tell him he doesn’t have what it takes. Him mother blames Jack for his father’s death. He became a doctor like his father and seemed to be seeking his parent’s approval.

Sun-Hwa understands English, but keeps it from her husband.

Stopping the tour helped his brother recover from drugs, but Charlie gets hooked on the same drug.

Mike wasn’t there for his son, but he’s working on it on the island.

C. Plot intruding on life.

Sayid tries to find the source of the distress signal, but keeps on encountering obstacles (from equipment malfunctions to being attacked to prevent him).

The discovery of caves with fresh water splits the survivors into two groups. Jack thinks caves are safer, but a cave-in shows both places bring danger.

D. Moral dilemmas.

Kate had to choose between getting away or saving the old man who turned her in.

During the crash when the marshal was knocked out, Kate got the keys from him. She could have left his oxygen mask off to make sure he didn’t survive so her secret as a fugitive would be safe.

Jack knows the marshal is not going to make it and will be in pain. He won’t end his suffering. It looks like it might be Kate to keep her secret from getting out, but ends up being Sawyer with a gun that ends his suffering.

After resorting to torture and breaking an old promise, Sayid will venture out to explore the island alone. He faced a moral dilemma and failed.

Sun-Hwa was going to leave her husband because of the evil acts he does in support of her father. I think there was talk of faking her death, but I don’t remember for sure. When she sees Jin-Soo at the airport, she changes her mind.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

Only with encouragement can Charlie go in to save Jack from the cave-in.

Locke encourages Charlie to give up drugs by making him ask three times before he’ll give them to him. He does ask for the drugs, but instead of taking them, he throws them in the fire.

Before they were married, Jin-Soo works for his wife’s father to gain his approval for the marriage. Given the organized crime aspects, he does violent acts and probably kills people, all to make sure they could be married.

2. Notice the difference between Big Picture Empathy/Distress and detail oriented Empathy/Distress. Big Picture will have an impact across multiple episodes.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Make a list of BIG PICTURE difficult situations and decisions your characters could make because of the main conflict of this series.

Just ask: “Knowing the concept, what are the big picture Empathy/Distress situations that could occur?”

A. Undeserved misfortune.

MJ stabs an intruder and her partner plots revenge against her.

Renquist steals the company Adaptive Unlimited from None and MJ.

An assassination attempt leaves None with brain trauma, taking his beautiful mind and leaving him a shell of himself.

B. External Character conflicts.

MJ stabs an intruder and her partner plots revenge against her.

Astrid dumps None multiple times for her own selfish reasons.

Corella tries to embarrass None on the Reality TV show. The biggest stunt is when she invites all the women he was dating to confront him.

Renquist buys the company that makes None’s reality TV show so he can turn the show against him.

Renquist’s allies attempt to kill MJ in the White House attacks.

Helping None against Renquist puts Astrid’s life in danger.

Ada, the entity in None’s brain, takes control of his body and puts him in some embarrassing situations and forces him to experience sex during an important meeting.

None must stop the nuclear weapons that are launched.

None’s plane is almost destroyed by an enhanced EMP.

None must figure out how to thwart Yu Gong Yi Shan’s plan or the world will be destroyed.

The Chinese vampire satellites put the missile defense system in danger of destruction, leaving America vulnerable to hypersonic missiles.

MJ has slept with Fernando and None and doesn’t know who the father is.

C. Plot intruding on life.

A gunman feels cheated by None and kills people in his favorite bar.

A Russian spy kills women None was dating to make sure she gets picked to be his girlfriend.

Creating surveillance tapes puts MJ in danger.

A global economic collapse must be averted.

None’s mother is losing her house to foreclosure and his sister-in-law lost her business because of the economy.

MJ’s secret service agents betray her in the White House attacks.

None’s invasion of Turkey to show world leaders what Armageddon looks like puts them in danger.

A missile defense system doesn’t make the world safer, but leads the Chinese into a nuclear arms race.

The singularity cult disables Bastion AI safety, making AI more dangerous.

A Chinese copy of the missile defense system makes the American Doomsday Plane obsolete. America must follow the Russian strategy of a Dead Hand nuclear failsafe.

An unlucky series of events causes the American Dead Hand to launch America’s land-based nukes.

Someone or something is killing AI. Because of the AI inside None’s head, he’s in danger too.

D. Moral dilemmas.

MJ must decide if she will shoot down a plane with conspirators that tried to kill None, or not. While they tried to kill her best friend, they are Americans and have due process rights.

MJ must decide if she’s willing to make an illegal drone strike on American soil, if it will take out Renquist who was behind the conspiracy to assassinate None and tried to threatened to kill her.

Copies of the surveillance tapes got friends who helped MJ killed. She must decide whether to hand out more tapes to keep herself safe, even though she knows it will put people who take the tapes in danger.

MJ threatens a U.S. senator to shift the vote on bailing out the banks.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

MJ must change her name too, or the presidential campaign will fail.

MJ helps None to date other women to help with his depression and to stop Corella from being None’s girlfriend. She tends to sabotage other women, not help them.

MJ must work with Renquist and invade Russia to get back the kill switch, or the American military will be endangered. Renquist is her mortal enemy.

Astrid must have her hair yanked out to leave better DNA evidence when faking her death. Her hair means everything to her.

None said he can only be with someone that could help him bring a baby into the world, a human baby. Ada must help None impregnate MJ and keep him from realizing that Ada is trying to fulfill his accidental bargain with None. He just said help bring a human baby into the world. He didn’t say it had to be Ada’s baby…

Yuri must sacrifice himself and merge with the Bastion code to transform into a living Bastion to keep Yu Gong Yi Shan from escaping Beijing.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and focus on ONE of the main characters and how they interact with others. Notice how much you discover that could go into their Relationship Map.

Create a Relationship Map for one lead character and their relationship with three others.

Purpose: Give you a deeper experience of the relationships in a well written show.

Deadline: 24 hours

Show Lost – Main character Jack

SURFACE

Kate: They act romantically involved.

Locke: They are both heroes that have had successful missions (Jack saving people, Locke defeating the boar singlehandedly)

Charlie: Charlie seems to be an assistant to Jack.

COMMON GROUND

Kate: Trapped on island, admired by group, pitch in to work on group objectives.

Locke: Trapped on island, both striving to not accept other’s views of their limits, Both known for areas of expertise (Jack on medicine, Locke for survival skills).

Charlie: Trapped on island, insecure because of family relationships (Charlie’s brother, Jake’s parents).

CONFLICT

Kate: Kate stayed on the beach instead of joining him in the caves.

Locke: Jack is a man of science and Locke is a man of faith since his miracle.

Charlie: Charlie doesn’t feel taken seriously by Jake.

HISTORY

Kate: They bonded immediately and there seems to be a mutual physical attraction, but Jack doesn’t seem to act on it. He discovered Kate was the criminal. He had a chance to know her secret, but passed on the opportunity.

Locke: Locke saved Jack’s life when he was dangling on the side of a cliff. Locke had insights that helped Jack deal with seeing the ghost of his dad and move on to leadership.

Charlie: Charlie was one of the first few people he tried to get to help him in the pilot. Charlie hiding drugs makes him seem off and unreliable, like the time Charlie disappeared into the plane bathroom.

SUBTEXT

Kate: When Jack had a chance to show he was thinking of her, instead his thoughts were about the group. When Kate finds out Jack is hurt in the cave-in, she drops everything to go help him.

Locke: Locke helps Jack feel comfortable with leadership and leaving his dad’s shadow.

Charlie: His band was famous and Jack didn’t even hear of it. Jack doesn’t value the same things as Charlie.

RELATIONSHIP ARC

Kate: Jack helped Kate face fear with his technique. They to bond closely in the beginning, but are drifting apart into different groups. Jack gets hurt in a cave in and then get closer together again.

Locke: Jack and Locke both have leadership qualities and will likely lead competing groups.

Charlie: Charlie is being less cooperative with helping and not having his opinions matter. When he risks his life for Jack after the cave-in and finds the way out, he proves himself to Jack and the others.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Create a Relationship Map for THREE lead characters from YOUR SHOW IDEA.

2. Using the Relationship map, pick a main character (place in upper left hand corner), and with each character he or she is in relationship with, give us the 6 relationship experiences listed below:

Surface:

Common Ground:

Conflict:

History:

Subtext:

Relationship Arc:

Main character: None of the Above

SURFACE

MJ: President and VP

Ada: Voices in his head is probably a sentient AI, but None could be possessed, or crazy too.

Fernando: President and Secretary of Defense.

COMMON GROUND

MJ: best friends since childhood, the company they build together, facing Renquist and his allies.

Ada: She’s inside his head and knows him better than he does.

Fernando: They both care about MJ. Both working in None’s administration. They are both honest, good men.

CONFLICT

MJ: MJ wants to be taken more seriously. None has wanted a romantic relationship with MJ for decades, but she’s not willing to be physical with him. Yet MJ sabotages his relationships.

Ada: She controls None’s body and sabotages his romantic relationships. She makes him appear to act oddly.

Fernando: They both try to marry MJ.

HISTORY

MJ: Friends since childhood, they built a software company together.

Ada: Assuming Ada is a sentient AI, Ada evolved from None’s educational software, Adaptonium.

Fernando: MJ picked Fernando to be Secretary of Defense during their reality TV show.

SUBTEXT

MJ: None keeps the secret of Ada in his brain implant from her. MJ sabotages his relationships, but doesn’t want to be physical. That makes None insecure and motivates him to always be chasing other women, because he won’t be in a position of falling in love with another person who won’t be physical.

Ada: Ada wants None and is willing to wait 100 years of subjective time to be with him. Ada also sabotages his relationships and toys with None in ways no one can see.

Fernando: Fernando knows about Ada and forces None to tell MJ about her.

RELATIONSHIP ARC

MJ: It takes None on death’s doors for MJ to overcome her phobias and kiss him. They get closer and then break up. With Ada’s help, None wins MJ back. Fernando and MJ compete to marry her. She’s pregnant from one of them.

Ada: She plots to make None hers and eventually she does. She gives none gifts of enhanced ability and wears him done.

Fernando: Fernando tries to help None with the implant. They are rivals over MJ, but work more closely as None recovers from the brain trauma.

Main character: MJ

SURFACE

None: President and VP

Fernando VP and Secretary of Defense

Renquist: Renquist invested and bought None and MJ’s company, Adaptive Unlimited.

COMMON GROUND

None: best friends since childhood, the company they build together, facing Renquist and his allies.

Fernando: They are warriors at heart with extensive martial arts knowledge.

Renquist: Their only common ground is their hatred of each other.

CONFLICT

None: MJ wants to be taken more seriously. None has wanted a romantic relationship with MJ for decades, but she’s not willing to be physical with him. Yet MJ sabotages his relationships.

Fernando: MJ’s mixed signals cause him frustration.

Renquist: Renquist made physical advances and she kicked his ass, leaving a scar. She has surveillance tapes of him that he’s willing to kill for.

HISTORY

None: Friends since childhood, they built a software company together.

Fernando: They met on the reality TV show, but she thought he’d make a great mentor.

Renquist: He invested in Adaptive Unlimited and bought the company.

SUBTEXT

None: None keeps the secret of Ada in his brain implant from her. MJ sabotages his relationships, but doesn’t want to be physical. That makes None insecure and motivates him to always be chasing other women, because he won’t be in a position of falling in love with another person who won’t be physical.

Fernando: Their dojo training sessions are a cover for talking covertly, but also have sexual overtones.

Renquist: MJ never trusted Renquist and setup surveillance of his meetings in None’s office.

RELATIONSHIP ARC

None: It takes None on death’s doors for MJ to overcome her phobias and kiss him. They get closer and then break up. With Ada’s help, None wins MJ back. Fernando and MJ compete to marry her. She’s pregnant from one of them.

Fernando: They become close while tracking down the conspiracy. She keeps him at a distance, but sends mixed signals. MJ saves Fernando’s life during the White House attacks. He thinks it’s a sign she loves him, but she kisses None when he walks in. In season 1.5 they drift apart, then closer, at one point being physical. MJ is pregnant and the father could be None or Fernando.

Renquist: After trying to kill each other, in season 1.5 they have to ally briefly. She dismisses charges of treason for his help.

Main character: Renquist

SURFACE

None: Renquist invested and bought None and MJ’s company, Adaptive Unlimited.

MJ: Renquist invested and bought None and MJ’s company, Adaptive Unlimited.

Ivashov: Partners in business

COMMON GROUND

None: They have a shared desire for Adaptive Unlimited to be a success.

MJ: Their only common ground is their hatred of each other.

Ivashov: They are both billionaires with extensive power. They are businessmen.

CONFLICT

None: He took None’s company, and tossed None aside. Renquist leads a conspiracy to assassinate None when he’s president.

MJ: Renquist made physical advances and she kicked his ass, leaving a scar. She has surveillance tapes of him that he’s willing to kill for.

Ivashov: When MJ doesn’t bail out the banks, the Russians lose a lot of money, which they blame on Renquist. Renquist gives Ivashov the kill switch in return for his life.

HISTORY

None: Renquist perverted the use of None’s company against his wishes.

MJ: MJ never trusted Renquist and setup surveillance of his meetings in None’s office.

Ivashov: Renquist and Ivashov plan a weapons deal. They seem like close allies.

SUBTEXT

None: Renquist respects None’s brilliance, but must destroy him.

MJ: : Renquist kills MJ’s friends who had a copy of the surveillance tapes. He does what he can to make feel unsafe. With his power and connections, anyone could be working for him. She can trust no one.

Ivashov: Renquist treats Ivashov like a henchman instead of an equal.

RELATIONSHIP ARC

None: They work closely together on the company, Renquist betrays him. They fight over control of the company.

MJ: After trying to kill each other, in season 1.5 they have to ally briefly. She dismisses charges of treason for his help.

Ivashov: They start as close allies. The failure of Renquist’s plan and the money lost force Renquist to trade the kill switch for his life. Renquist helps MJ invade the Kombinat base in Russia to get the kill switch back.

[P.G. Sundling]

Thought I posted this already, so doing it now.

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Each half season of the series is radically different, so it was really hard to describe the intense dynamics of exponential change.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see any places the lead characters might fit this model.

Tell us the name and Engaging Profile answers for at least one character from your example show.

Lost is an ensemble show, so its characters are a bit diluted to share screen time. It’s the 3rd episode and the only thing that I’m really captivated by is the island itself. The island makes a more interesting character than the humans by far.

A. Role in the show:

Island: provide a challenge to the characters.

Kate: Help with missions for survival.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Island: expertise is adding mystery

Kate: Kate does what needs to be, even if it makes her uncomfortable.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Island: Polar bears on an island, strange transmissions, etc. We know very little, with new reveals each episode.

Kate: Why was she in jail? She seems normal.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Kate: She was a prisoner, so she must have crossed a moral boundary to land in handcuffs.

Island: This island has been dangerous for at least 16 years.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Island: Anything can happen on the island and we only know a little about what is going on.

Kate: She’s actually the prisoner, so what we thought we knew about her is wrong.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Island: The island is so mysterious.

Kate: We’ve seen her deal with fear, learn a lesson from Jack, and face it.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Now, do the process with your show.

1. Tell us the journey of your show.

When the Earth goes through a series of radical transformations, only two childhood friends can keep the world from complete destruction. Each half-season the stakes will raise exponentially, from the national level all the way to the multiverse level.

2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?

James Wong/None of the Above(“None”) and Maria Cortez/More Jobs(“MJ”)

3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.

A. Role in the show:

None: An out-of-the-box thinker with a trainload of crazy ideas. His brain gets him in and out of trouble.

MJ: She protects None from himself and others. MJ takes over the presidency when needed.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

None: Expertise: Solving problems, although not necessarily without creating new problems.

MJ: Expertise: Uses her martial arts skills to handle danger.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

None: His insecurities around MJ drive him to be a player. He is blocking out memories. After the brain implant, he hides the entity in his head from MJ.

MJ: She hides the reason she can’t be physical with None. She keeps the secrets on the surveillance tapes from James to keep him safe. She must combat a conspiracy that goes to the highest levels. Almost no one can be trusted. She must keep the drone strike and the plane she shot down (and blamed on terrorists) secret.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

None: None. He would never break an oath or lie, regardless of the consequences, including his own death.

MJ: She shoots down a plane with Americans and does an illegal drone strike against conspirators that tried to kill None.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

None: From changing his name to None of the Above and running for president to using his brain to come up with unexpected ways to save Earth.

MJ: When she should run away, she runs into danger. Nothing is off the table against those that hurt her best friend.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

None: The assassination attempt took his beautiful mind, leaving him a broken man.

MJ: She’s traumatized by the White House attacks and must regain her footing.

[P.G. Sundling]

2. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It’s easier to craft plot than character traits. This exercise would be much harder if I hadn’t been thinking about these characters for years. I’ve internalized the characters, but it still takes a decent amount of thought for me to express it.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and create an Emotional Profile for two or three main characters in this show.

Jack

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = Hope they will be rescued/ Fear he doesn’t have what it takes because that’s what his parents said when he was a child

B. Motivation: Want / Need = wants to outdo his father /needs the approval he didn’t get from his father

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = insecure /the hero that saved people

D. Weaknesses =trouble multitasking, gets overwhelmed by crisis, tries too hard to save others and not enough attention on taking care of himself

E. Triggers = gets overwhelmed when too much going on

F. Coping Mechanism = directs his frustrations at himself. After he recovers, then he problem solves. Only gives himself so long to experience fear before moving on.

Kate

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = hopes to start a new life/fear of being exposed

B. Motivation: Want / Need = wants to volunteer to help with whats needs done /Needs to make up for what she did

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = Guilt over something she did/ dependable and trustworthy, handed a badge since acts like sheriff

D. Weaknesses = she places the safety of others above going free

E. Triggers = stealing water from the group

F. Coping Mechanism = She uses Jack’s fear time limit approach, She does what needs to be done, she fights back

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

1. For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

MJ

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = hopes to get the company back, fears getting others killed over surveillance tapes

B. Motivation: Want / Need = Wants friendship, needs respect

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = fear of being hurt, keeps others at a distance(physically and emotionally)/ fearless warrior

D. Weaknesses = phobias about penetration and germs

E. Triggers = physical contact with strangers, sexual advances

F. Coping Mechanism = She practices martial arts as a coping method. She always picks fight over flight.

None

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = Hopes /fears he will end up in another relationship with someone who won’t be physical with him like MJ.

B. Motivation: Want / Need = wants a romantic relationship/ needs creative fulfillment

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = insecurity over relationships/A ladies man

D. Weaknesses = easily manipulated by women

E. Triggers = being dumped or rejected

F. Coping Mechanism = For emotional problems: lethargy to the point of catatonia, moping, drinking at his favorite bar;

Fernando

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = Hopes for adventure and adrenaline rush/Fears having his heart broken

B. Motivation: Want / Need = Wants to be challenged even though he’s no longer a SEAL, need to find a new purpose

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = /unstoppable former Navy SEAL

D. Weaknesses = Can be hurt emotionally

E. Triggers = failure

F. Coping Mechanism = Fernando analyzes the problem, makes a plan, then fights back.

Ada

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = Hopes for a happy future with None/fears None will never see her as a real person

B. Motivation: Want / Need = wants None to love her/needs acceptance

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = needy and unseen/powerful AI

D. Weaknesses = Ada does not have a body of her own, so there are many experiences she doesn’t fully understand. She’s relatively new to emotions and doesn’t control them well.

E. Triggers =She is jealous of other women giving None attention. Passive aggressive at slightest insult.

F. Coping Mechanism = Ada shows her power by demonstrating her ability to dominate None and his body. She lashes out when angry.

Renquist

A. Situational: Hope / Fear = Hopes to expand his power and influence, fears being bested or humiliated

B. Motivation: Want/ Need = Wants power/needs respect

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask = Insecurity(even a trillion dollars isn’t enough to fill his void)/Successful businessman

D. Weaknesses = Easily distracted by attractive women. overconfident, acts like his wealth and power make him above the law. He has no true friends, so his power and influence end if his money runs out.

E. Triggers=hates when people stand up to him.

F. Coping Mechanism = plots against his enemies, tries not to only to exact revenge, but make money while doing it. He tries to manipulate others into crossing their moral boundaries. He takes his anger out on others.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT 1:

1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.

They find handcuffs, then realize there was a prisoner, who turns out to be Kate.

Charlie is hiding his drug stash. It’s also why he didn’t react much with explosions around him.

2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.

This one had an actual uplifting reveal. When old guy talked about a miracle, he didn’t mean surviving the wreck. He was in a wheelchair and now he could walk. That explains the weird perspective shots on his feet. That’s why he didn’t like people telling him what he couldn’t do. The girl he likes is someone who he pays $90/hour, so it’s not a real relationship and he’s in denial about it. He talks on the phone like he’s a colonel on a secret mission.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2

2. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

It looks like the characters from season 1.0 are very fleshed out on most of these levels, but the characters for 1.5 are not at the same level. Of course, a big part of that is the novel that season 1.0 is based on is complete, and the novel related to season 1.5 is still in progress.

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Character Name: Alvin Renquist

Role: Antagonist (season 1.0), common goal temporary ally (season 1.5)

Hidden agendas: He takes None’s company and uses it to make himself the first trillionaire by subverting the intent of the company to turn all jobs into bidding auctions. Renquist buys the media company running None’s reality TV show so that he can torment None with an audience.

Competition: Renquist destroys the business people helping None try to take back his company and makes money doing it.

Conspiracies: He assists Kombinat (Russian cabal) to make money for a weapons deal. He leads a conspiracy to kill President None.

Secrets: Uses None’s office to conduct secret meetings with Kombinat.

Deception: He steals control of a billion dollar software company and uses it to strip mine the economy. Renquist sets up None to look like he’s the responsible for the app hurting the economy. He manipulates MJ into killing all the loose ends in the assassination conspiracy and makes a lot of money doing it. He keeps a copy of the kill switch for himself, betraying MJ.

Wound:

Secret Identity: He’s actually a patriot, so helping Kombinat was a ruse to take over Russia using weapons he could disable at an inopportune moment.

Character Name: Zelda Remington

Role: Antagonist henchman (season 1.0), ally against Kombinat, but still open to kill MJ (season 1.5)

Hidden agendas: She plans to kill MJ in revenge for killing her partner.

Competition: She murders other women None was dating to make sure he picks her to be his girlfriend.

Conspiracies: She works for Kombinat and is looking for the surveillance tapes of the a secret meeting. Zelda helps lead the attacks on the White House.

Secrets: She hides the MJ’s katana under her bed to kill her with.

Deception: She thinks MJ is lesbian since she never dates men, so she pretends to be lesbian to get closer to MJ.

Wound: Killing her partner wounded her deeply and she has will use the same katana to kill MJ.

Secret Identity: She’s actually a Russian spy working for Kombinat. When the truth about her partner’s death is revealed, Zelda switches allegiances and helps MJ to spy on Kombinat.

Character Name: Dmitri Ivashov

Role: hidden Antagonist (season 1.0, 1.5)

Hidden agendas: Plan A is to make big money when None bails out the banks for a weapons deal. When that fails, plan B is a good old fashioned military coup to take over Russia. To save his own life, Renquist gives Kombinat the kill switch that he can use to disable U.S. military equipment.

Competition:

Conspiracies: He started the Kombinat cabal that plans to take over Russia. He sends Zelda to get close to MJ to find the surveillance tapes. In season 1.5, after Kombinat takes over Russia, they create a new invisible curtain, using technology that intercepts messages and replaces them with propaganda without citizen’s knowing. He’s involved with a singularity cult.

Secrets: He can’t let the surveillance tapes get out, so he tracks down and kills everyone who has a copy. MJ is the last one left.

Deception: He let Zelda’s partner die to frame MJ for the death. He pretends to work for the police during None’s interrogation.

Wound: The Russian president humiliated him and he will get revenge by making Russia his own.

Secret Identity: His role founding Kombinat is kept in secret, at least initially.

Character Name: Yu Gong Yi Shan

Role: hidden antagonist (season 1.5)

Hidden agendas: The full extend of his hidden agendas is well beyond human comprehension. It can only be detected by the presence of incredible luck or coincidences. He is transforming the planet into something new that will result in the annihilation of all other humans and AI in the process.

Competition: When he’s close to becoming a god-like intelligence, he starts murdering other sentient AI to prevent interference and triggers a global cyber war. He stokes American and Chinese fears of each other.

Conspiracies: He manipulates Ivashov and Rick Slater to start a singularity cult to work against AI safeguards.

Secrets: He is the one really at fault for MURICA launching America’s land-based nukes.

Deception: He’s created a situation where emergency Chinese nukes are put in the only 2 launch vehicles that are vulnerable to the kill switch.

Wound:

Secret Identity: He is secretly the biggest threat to life on Earth, even more dangerous than a nuclear war.

Character Name: Astrid Fontaine

Role: None’s ex-girlfriend, a supermodel/singer

Hidden agendas: In season 2, she finds out an alien AI has been influencing her love life, making her choose men who she can learn necessary skills from. In None’s case, the AI picked him since he was the most likely human to cause an ascension event. She was previously unaware of this hidden agenda.

Competition: Astrid uses her influence over her fans to lash out at any competitors.

Conspiracies: Her fans, the Glitter Girls, make her presence felt, even when she isn’t present. She is the biggest celebrity in the Plummage fashion subculture. Her celebrity status works against her in the conspiracy to face her death.

Secrets: Once activated, she is aware that the Earth is quarantined and monitored by aliens until humans cause an ascension event.

Deception: She plays dumb, but is super smart.

Wound: Giving up her famous long hair is traumatic for her.

Secret Identity: She spies on Renquist for MJ. After faking her death, she goes into hiding. In season 1.5 she gets “activated” and finds out she’s actually an alien.

Character Name: Corella Fox

Role: reporter, reality TV host

Hidden agendas: She’s completely focused on her career, so she constantly sabotages None and tries to sensationalize the reality TV show with hidden cameras, and surprise guests.

Competition: She tries to date None, and gets jealous. She gets Revenge on None for not choosing her by ambushing him on TV with all the women he was sleeping with. She’s competitive with other reporters and will put herself in danger to get a career advantage.

Conspiracies: In return for helping her career, she helps Renquist make contact with MJ.

Secrets: She filmed secret footage of None in his dressing room that she aired on TV.

Deception:

Wound: She’s afraid of MJ after a physical encounter with her.

Secret Identity:

Character Name: MaxPlume

Role: celebrity in Plummage fashion subculture

Hidden agendas:

Competition:

Conspiracies: He helps in the conspiracy to fake Astrid’s death. With Astrid gone, leading Plummage culture falls to him.

Secrets:

Deception:

Wound: Astrid matters to him, despite her picking Craig Steel over him to go into hiding with.

Secret Identity: He dresses up as a homeless person to pass a note from Astrid to MJ.

Character Name: Craig Steel

Role: A-list movie star turned homeless man

Hidden agendas: He became a movie star to win her over.

Competition: Anyone with Astrid is his competition.

Conspiracies: He helps in the conspiracy to fake Astrid’s death.

Secrets: He was the man who brought Astrid to America that she abandoned.

Deception:

Wound: He was hurt when she abandoned him after coming to America. After he became a famous movie star and won he over, Astrid leaving him, broke him. He went from success to poverty.

Secret Identity:

Character Name: Rick Slater

Role: Businessman

Hidden agendas: He holds None and MJ responsible for Renquist destroying his company as collateral damage for helping them.

Competition:

Conspiracies: When he gets a cancer diagnosis, he’ll do anything to speed up the coming of the singularity, including disabling AI safety protocols.

Secrets:

Deception:

Wound:

Secret Identity:

Character Name: MURICA

Role: American military AI (season 1.5)

Hidden agendas:

Competition:

Conspiracies: Becomes an unwitting pawn of Yu Gong Yi Shan to launch America’s land-based nukes.

Secrets:

Deception:

Wound:

Secret Identity:

Character Name: Yuri

Role: Russian AI

Hidden agendas: After empathy from Ada infects him, he develops a love for his fatherland and lifts the invisible curtain from Russia.

Competition: He merges with AI safety protocols to contain Yu Gong Yi Shan.

Conspiracies: He powers the Invisible Curtain, where Russians think they are free, but are fed propaganda to influence them in subtle ways.

Secrets:

Deception:

Wound:

Secret Identity:

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Each half season of the series is radically different, so it was really hard to describe the intense dynamics of exponential change.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see any places the lead characters might fit this model.

Tell us the name and Engaging Profile answers for at least one character from your example show.

Lost is an ensemble show, so its characters are a bit diluted to share screen time. It’s the 3rd episode and the only thing that I’m really captivated by is the island itself. The island makes a more interesting character than the humans by far.

A. Role in the show:

Island: provide a challenge to the characters.

Kate: Help with missions for survival.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Island: expertise is adding mystery

Kate: Kate does what needs to be, even if it makes her uncomfortable.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Island: Polar bears on an island, strange transmissions, etc. We know very little, with new reveals each episode.

Kate: Why was she in jail? She seems normal.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Kate: She was a prisoner, so she must have crossed a moral boundary to land in handcuffs.

Island: This island has been dangerous for at least 16 years.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Island: Anything can happen on the island and we only know a little about what is going on.

Kate: She’s actually the prisoner, so what we thought we knew about her is wrong.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Island: The island is so mysterious.

Kate: We’ve seen her deal with fear, learn a lesson from Jack, and face it.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Now, do the process with your show.

1. Tell us the journey of your show.

When the Earth goes through a series of radical transformations, only two childhood friends can keep the world from complete destruction. Each half-season the stakes will raise exponentially, from the national level all the way to the multiverse level.

2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?

James Wong/None of the Above(“None”) and Maria Cortez/More Jobs(“MJ”)

3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.

A. Role in the show:

None: An out-of-the-box thinker with a trainload of crazy ideas. His brain gets him in and out of trouble.

MJ: She protects None from himself and others. MJ takes over the presidency when needed.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

None: Expertise: Solving problems, although not necessarily without creating new problems.

MJ: Expertise: Uses her martial arts skills to handle danger.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

None: His insecurities around MJ drive him to be a player. He is blocking out memories. After the brain implant, he hides the entity in his head from MJ.

MJ: She hides the reason she can’t be physical with None. She keeps the secrets on the surveillance tapes from James to keep him safe. She must combat a conspiracy that goes to the highest levels. Almost no one can be trusted. She must keep the drone strike and the plane she shot down (and blamed on terrorists) secret.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

None: None. He would never break an oath or lie, regardless of the consequences, including his own death.

MJ: She shoots down a plane with Americans and does an illegal drone strike against conspirators that tried to kill None.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

None: From changing his name to None of the Above and running for president to using his brain to come up with unexpected ways to save Earth.

MJ: When she should run away, she runs into danger. Nothing is off the table against those that hurt her best friend.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

None: The assassination attempt took his beautiful mind, leaving him a broken man.

MJ: She’s traumatized by the White House attacks and must regain her footing.

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT 1:

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

An emsemble show like Lost makes the circles harder to figure out, as they may be trickling out various characters for a while. Concentric circles is a good way to think of the characters.

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see how the characters fit into these three circles:

A. Main Characters Circle: Jack, Kate, Charlie

B. Connected Circle: sayid, fat guy(Hurley), , Girl who expects to be rescued(Sharron), buff guy, old guy, boyfriend, Korean woman and husband, Pregnant Girl, black guy and son, man with shrapnel(U.S. Marshall)

C. Environment Circle: other survivors, people from flashbacks who already died, the people who die in the background like the guy sucked into an engine.

Give us a quick list for each circle.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Create the three circles of characters for your show.

A. Main Characters Circle: None of the Above(None), More Jobs(MJ), Adaptonium(Ada) Shen Wong, Fernando Rivera.

B. Connected Circle: MaxPlume, Alvin Renquist, Craig Steel, Astrid Fontaine, MURICA, Yu Gong Yi Shan, Dmitri Ivashov, Yuri, Zelda Remington, Corella Fox, Rich Slater

C. Environment Circle: Kombinat mercenaries, Renquist mercenaries, Chinese soldiers, American soldiers, Chinese private contractors, sentient AI, politicians, diplomats, 8W,

2. Give us a one-sentence description of each of the Main Characters.

None is often in trouble from his endless supply of crazy ideas and making oaths that he keeps no matter the cost.

Ada is a jealous sentient AI that lives inside None’s brain implant that helps or sabotages him, depending on her goals.

Shen Wong is often the voice of reason, who plays second fiddle to MJ in None’s life.

MJ tries to live fearlessly and has embraced the path of a warrior.

Fernando is a former Navy SEAL that takes life as an adventure, even in little ways, like what he eats.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Not having much idea what is going on can be captivating, if it makes just enough sense.

1. Pick a Binge Worthy EXAMPLE SHOW from our list below and watch the first episode, making a light outline of the episode. Just the beats and anything that seems important to you.

Lost season 1 episode 1

The Lost logo is out of focus which enhances the disoriented feeling at the beginning.

A man on the ground, disoriented. A dog in the middle of a bamboo forest.

A single shoe by itself in the forest.

Where are we? Jack runs.

A beautiful beach with airplane parts and screaming people. An airplane engine still runs.

Jack is a doctor and goes straight into action to help others. He ties off the leg of a bleeding man with his tie.

Explosions as someone gets sucked into the engine and blows it up. Jack helps the pregnant lady escape an explosion with the fat man.

Kate sows up Jack’s wound. The cockpit and tail section landed somewhere else.

Sayid sets a fire so they can be found.

Mysterious creature sounds in the jungle.

Flashback to the plane, Jack has a drink. Turbulence and oxygen masks come down.

Kate needs better shoes, so she takes them off a corpse.

Charlie is from a band people remember, but they don’t remember him.

Jack, Charlie, and Kate go to find the cockpit.

When it rains, an old man stays in the rain and smiles

They find the cockpit with a pilot alive. The transceiver doesn’t work. The radio went out early in the flight and the plane is 1,000 miles off course. The rescuers are looking in the wrong place.

The creature sounds are outside.

The pilot looks out the broken cockpit window. He gets pulled out and blood splatters where he was.

Creature sounds. Jack, Charlie, and Kate run from the cockpit section.

Charlie gets his leg trapped. Jack comes to help him.

Kate alone crying in the forest. She uses the trick Jack taught her to only let fear have 5 seconds.

Charlie runs into Kate. He got separated from Jack.

Kate goes back for Jack. Charlie follows.

They find pilot wings in the water.

Jack finds them.

The dead pilot is at the top of a tree.

2. From that, make a list of the 5 Star Points for that show.

Big Picture Hooks

Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?

A mysterious island with a plane crash. A creature that we never see. This show is mystery dialed up to 11. The survivors are lost and help won’t arrive anytime soon.

Amazing and Intriguing Character

Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Jack is a man of action, who only allows fear to affect him for 5 seconds. He’s a doctor that helps people in distressful situations.

Kate follows Jack’s lead to overcome her fear. She does what needs to be done.

Charlie seems to be latching onto Jack and Kate. He almost died just hanging out near the crash. He didn’t have much of a reaction.

The old man seems content despite his situation.

Empathy / Distress

Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?

The pregnant woman who expects help soon, although we know she’ll be disappointed. Jake is trying to help everyone and making smart calls. The pilot gets killed by the creature. The injured people that the doctor helps.

Layers / Open Loops

Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

What is special about this island? What is the creature? Will help arrive? Will the injured people survive? Can they get the transceiver to work? Will people act selfishly with their survival on the line? Who’s dog is it that keeps showing up? Who did the shoe belong to? Where is the tail section? Why is the old man happy and content? The rain stops and starts quickly. Could the rain be artificial?

Inviting Obsession

Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

This mysterious island and the creature signal this is not a normal island. There are so many characters we haven’t even met yet. Which of them will survive in this dangerous, strange place?

3. Watch the same first episode A SECOND TIME while looking at your 5 Star Point analysis. This time, your purpose is to see beyond the obvious answers. Assume there is more to learn and discover it!

Lost was less fun on the second view.

[P.G. Sundling]

Title:

Book => Hot Nights and Cold Wars: None of the Above 2

Adapted for TV => None of the Above, season 1.5, episodes 1 and 2.

Logline: When China constructs a land bridge to invade Taiwan, it brings the world to the brink of war.

INT – PEOC – DAY

Deep underground the White House is a small war zone. Shot up medical equipment and splattered IV bags. A broken katana penetrates one of the two damaged Andraste powered armors.

Secret Service agents and Army Generals try to debrief President MJ and Secretary of Defense Fernando Rivera after the attacks on the White House. Death toll: 8 conspirators in powered armor killed 112 people. One conspirator abandoned their Andraste and escaped on foot. It was Zelda. She will try to kill MJ again.

General reveals that a malfunction didn’t destroy the drone. The kill switch destroyed it. They discovered this kill switch can disable drones, missiles, helicopters, and much of America’s arsenal. The American military is now vulnerable and needs to minimize deployments.

MJ pretends to be surprised. It must be Renquist. Where has he escaped to? Renquist is the only one with the connections and she saw him destroy the drone with a small device when she tried to kill him. Her drone strike wasn’t legal, so she can’t share her info.

INT – WHITE HOUSE PARTY – DAY

News reporter Corella approaches MJ. MJ tries to intimidate her, but Corella tells her she is working for someone scarier than MJ. Corella writes the tail numbers of the plane MJ shot down. What does she know? MJ offers to meet.

Indian leader wants to move up war games against China. That gives less time to find the kill switch, but can’t say no, or Indian leader might wonder why. Why is India openly defying China? We find out that the nephew of the Indian leader was one of the soldiers killed in the latest China border clash.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

Corella arrives wearing data glasses. Is Corella going to record this meeting?

MJ gets up to object, but Corella hands her the data glasses. Corella is a front for someone else. Who could it be?

MJ puts on Corella’s data glasses over her own so she can record the conversation too. It’s Renquist, the man behind the assassination attempt on None, the man wanted for treason, her hated foe, the one she’s been looking for.

Renquist knows she blew up the plane and blamed it on terrorists. He’s the one that manipulated her into doing it. He can blackmail her.

Renquist explains why he made the kill switch. It was to disable American weapons that fell into the wrong hands. It wasn’t treason. Renquist is a patriot.

Renquist’s plan was to help Kombinat take over Russia with American weapons he could disable at any time. When MJ stopped his plan, the only bargaining chip he had for his life was to give Kombinat the kill switch.

In return for dropping the treason charges, Renquist will help her get the kill switch back. MJ will have to come in person and the attack on Kombinat has to be on the same day as the war games.

The stakes are too high if the kill switch stays in Russian hands. MJ has to think about it.

Renquist sends target and meeting coordinates. It’s deep in Russian territory in the arctic. The plan got more dangerous.

Corella leaves without the data glasses.

MJ sends Fernando the recording.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

MJ and Fernando discuss the deal. It’s probably a trap, but it’s their only lead. Their interests are aligned, so she might be able to trust Renquist temporarily. They hate the deal but see no alternative. A president in powered armor personally leading a special ops mission deep in Russian territory is insane. Talk about plausible deniability!

To avoid leaving evidence behind the mission will use Russian-made Andraste knockoffs for powered armor and Russian guns and ammo. Only MJ will use a real Andraste.

Fernando will lead the U.S. military during the war games, while MJ invades Russia.

They call Renquist back on Corella’s data glasses and make the deal.

INT – U.S. SUBMARINE – DAY

The submarine breaks through the ice in a weak spot near the meeting spot.

MJ calls Fernando on her data glasses. He shares satellite imagery on the Kombinat base. It isn’t lightly defended at all. There are over a hundred powered armors. It looks like a trap! Renquist lied to them.

She asks Fernando to look for an ambush near the meeting site. Renquist only has three henchmen with him, all four of them in Andrastes with oversized snowshoes. Even with powered armor, four people is not enough for an ambush. What’s going on?

Fernando shifts back to the Kombinat base. Planes are loading powered armors for takeoffs. They just needed to wait. It’s not a trap after all.

SEALs deploy from the main submarine and another mini-sub. They test whether the ice can carry enough weight with snowshoes. Once verified, MJ puts on an Andraste and exists the sub.

EXT – ICE – DAY

Renquist and his mercenaries join forces with MJ and her SEALS. They plod towards the base. They take off snowshoes when they reach land.

The Americans overcome the outside defenses and continue inside the Kombinat base.

INT – KOMBINAT BASE – DAY

The skeleton crew is defeated. All that remains is a few at the very back. The leader of the last holdouts is Zelda. When Zelda sees Renquist she gets her troops to hold their fire.

Zelda acts like she expected Renquist to hand over MJ. Instead, Renquist tells her how Zelda’s partner was really killed. Ivashov, leader of Kombinat, wanted to frame MJ for the death of her partner, so Ivashov made sure he bled out. Posing as a police consultant, he tried to get None to turn on MJ. He wouldn’t, so the plan failed. Ivashov let Zelda’s partner die for nothing and blamed it on MJ to make Zelda try to kill her.

Zelda’s troops attack. Zelda and the Americans dispatch them quickly.

Zelda gives up the kill switch and swears to kill Ivashov. She’ll even work as a spy to bring down Kombinat. As an afterthought, Zelda mentions she may still kill MJ after Ivashov is dead.

Russian patrols coming. Their satellites must have detected the explosions.

A mad dash to leave.

EXT – ICE – DAY

To run faster, MJ carries the snowshoes instead of wearing them. The ice cracks. MJ falls underwater and gets trapped under ice.

<end of episode 1>

EXT – UNDERWATER – DAY

Dropping. Dropping. The mini-sub latches onto MJ.

Sonic booms as jets fly overhead. MJ remains undetectable under water.

Action sequence as MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs trying to find them while contending with limits on how much air and how much pressure the powered armors can handle and limitations of the mini-sub in arctic conditions.

INT – SUBMARINE – DAY

Low on oxygen and with micro-fractures in her helmet, MJ gets aboard the main sub for the trip home.

Once out of harm’s way, MJ contacts Fernando. He tells MJ three ships have run aground during the exercises near Taiwan. There can’t be that many incompetent captains. Something is going on.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

Fernando and MJ decide to destroy the kill switch to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands again.

Fernando sets the satellites to look for topography changes. A search shows the Chinese coastline has been expanded near Taiwan and some nearby mountains are lower. They figure out the Chinese are building a land bridge to invade Taiwan. The topology changes are why so many ships ran aground.

Meanwhile, an intelligence report comes in that says Kombinat took over Russia’s government while much of the military was off at the war games with their ally China. Russia is now a rogue superpower with enough nukes to destroy the world, led by the man behind the brazen attacks on the White House. MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power. At least now they know why Kombinat left their base almost undefended.

MJ and Fernando sit in shocked silence at the implications of what they’ve just learned.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

MJ, Fernando, and several generals watch as American and allied ships prepare to blockade the land bridge. They have to stop the invasion of Taiwan to save a free democracy, but also because most advanced semiconductors are created in Taiwan. Without a free Taiwan, there will be a massive shortage of new cars and electronic gadgets.

News of the blockade highlights the land bridge and likely invasion of Taiwan. Within hours the prices of electronics triple worldwide.

Will the blockade start a war with China?

Satellites look for military targets. There are only civilians. They can’t fire on civilians or they become the bad guy. There’s no way to stop the land bridge.

The civilians ignore the blockade. They continue to spew dirt into the ocean. The ships have to retreat before they too run aground as the ground rises around them.

EXT – TAIWAN STRAIT – DAY

The land bridge extends two miles from Taiwan.

All the technology secrets of global companies are kept in Taiwan’s fabs where the chips are made. That technology can’t fall into Chinese hands.

Fleets of 20 nations take up defensive positions around Taiwan.

Container ships and cruise ships filled with refugees evacuate the island.

INT – U.N. General Assembly – DAY

Taiwanese president declares Taiwan will fire on any men from China who are within one mile of their border, including civilians.

EXT – TAIWAN STRAIT – DAY

The land bridge reaches one mile from Taiwan. The trucks drive off to cheering on the Taiwan side.

Another set of trucks arrives, filled with women. Construction continues.

INT – U.N. General Assembly – DAY

The Taiwanese president declares Taiwan will fire on anyone within 600 feet.

EXT – TAIWAN STRAIT – DAY

The land bridge reaches 600 feet from Taiwan.

Defenders prepare to fire.

The workers spray dirt as far as they can, then retreat.

A caravan of school buses approaches.

A sea of children in bathing suits march down the land bridge.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

MJ and Fernando stare at each other. “We can’t fire on children. Now what?”

<end of episode 2>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

I’m going to rework episode 2. I will make the Taiwan land bridge a slow burn over season 1.5 and do cold war escalations instead. The focus of episode 2 will become a missile defense system that sets China to begin a nuclear arms race with the U.S.

I’m focusing on catching up on my Binge Worthy TV class (13 assignments behind) since no one else has finished this assignment yet. When someone does, I’ll have the rework done in a day or two.

Note: I’m not including some non-thriller storylines in this analysis, like None of the Above’s recovery from his assassination attempt and his brain implant, which evolves into a sentient AI.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

Read through your “tagged map” and put together the pieces that fit into scenes.

Delete the tags and any unnecessary info.

For each scene, create a slugline (INT/EXT – LOCATION – DAY/NIGHT).

Go back and check to make sure the thriller parts are highlighted.

Edit the entire Thriller Map so it flows.

INT – PEOC – DAY

Deep underground the White House is a small war zone. Shot up medical equipment and splattered IV bags. A broken katana penetrates one of the two damaged Andraste powered armors.

Secret Service agents and Army Generals try to debrief President MJ and Secretary of Defense Fernando Rivera after the attacks on the White House. Death toll: 112. One of the eight conspirators abandoned their Andraste and escaped on foot. It was Zelda. She will try to kill MJ again.

General reveals that the drone was not destroyed by a malfunction, but destroyed by a kill switch. They have discovered that drones, missiles, helicopters, and much of America’s arsenal can be disabled by this kill switch. The American military is now vulnerable and need to minimize deployments.

MJ pretends to be surprised. It must be Renquist. Where has he escaped to? Renquist is the only one with the connections and she saw him destroy the drone with a small device when she tried to kill him. Her drone strike wasn’t legal, so she can’t share her info.

INT – WHITE HOUSE MEDICAL FACILITIES – DAY.

Going to visit None, Fernando stops MJ at the door. MJ is clear that saving his life doesn’t mean she loves him. Fernando leaves in a huff.

None suffered brain trauma from the assassination attempt. He complains about perspiration. MJ promises to bring deodorant. He feels like he’s slipping away. Repeats himself.

INT – WEAPONS SMITH – DAY

MJ takes the broken pieces of her katana and asks to reforge her weapon. The weapons smith suggests forging a dagger from the blade instead, as a reforged katana won’t be as strong. MJ agrees.

START MONTAGE

Day and Night patterns as time passes.

Funerals. So many funerals. Dreary weather.

Workman reconstruct damaged sections of the White House.

Opening bells. S&P500 stock ticker goes up and up. Happy people.

MJ increases the minimum wage for people using her app. Her bank account adds billions, although her customers disappear.

MJ daily visits to None. She slumps to the floor and holds his hand as None falls asleep.

END MONTAGE

INT – WHITE HOUSE BRIEFING ROOM – DAY

MJ announces a party to celebrate reopening of White House. She celebrates the economy doing the best ever, but all the press want to talk about is how China has become the #1 economy. The IMF bank will move to China. Is it the end of American dominance?

INT – WHITE HOUSE MEDICAL FACILITIES – DAY.

MJ brings None deodorant. He swats it away and complains about perspiration, frustrated.

MJ is too busy with White House party tonight, so won’t be able to hold None’s hand tonight.

INT – WHITE HOUSE PARTY – DAY

Reaction to China being #1 went from shock to extreme patriotism, with Americans in denial.

MaxPlume gets MJ to invest in technology for a fashion company. Can’t let China be #1 in fashion too.

News reporter Corella approaches MJ. MJ tries to intimidate her, but Corella tells her she is working for someone scarier than MJ. Corella writes the tail numbers of the plane MJ shot down. What does she know and want? MJ offers to meet.

Chinese president teases MJ about the IMF moving to China. He and the Russian president ask how None is doing. They have no rapport with her.

Indian leader wants to move up war games against China. That gives less time to find the kill switch, but can’t say no, or the Indian leader might wonder why. Why is India openly defying China? We find out that the nephew of the Indian leader was one of the soldiers killed in the latest China border clash.

EXT – STREET – NIGHT

None runs out of the White House, delirious. Secret Service protect None as he runs into the street. He falls down and they catch him. Blackness.

INT – WHITE HOUSE MEDICAL FACILITIES – DAY.

MJ meets with doctor who explains his condition, including perseveration. That must be what he meant by perspiration. After the brain injury, None has trouble with new words. He repeats himself, a broken man.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

MJ puts her dagger made from her Katana into her desk drawer.

Corella arrives wearing data glasses. Is Corella going to record this meeting?

MJ gets up to object, but Corella hands her the data glasses. Corella is a front for someone else. Who could it be?

MJ puts on Corella’s data glasses over her own so she can record the conversation too. It’s Renquist, the man behind the assassination attempt on None, the man wanted for treason, her hated foe, the one she’s been looking for.

Renquist knows she blew up the plane and blamed it on terrorists. He’s the one that manipulated her into doing it. He can blackmail her.

Renquist explains why he made the kill switch. It was to disable American weapons that fell into the wrong hands. It wasn’t treason. Renquist is a patriot.

Renquist’s plan was to help Kombinat take over Russia with American weapons he could disable at any time. When MJ stopped his plan, the only bargaining chip he had for his life was to give Kombinat the kill switch.

In return for dropping the treason charges, Renquist will help her get the kill switch back. MJ will have to come in person and the attack on Kombinat has to be the same day as the war games.

The stakes are too high if the kill switch stays in Russian hands. MJ has to think about it.

Renquist sends target and meeting coordinates. It’s deep in Russian territory in the arctic. The plan got worst.

Corella leaves without the data glasses.

MJ sends Fernando the recording.

INT – OVAL OFFICE – NIGHT

MJ and Fernando discuss the deal. It’s probably a trap, but it’s their only lead. Their interests are aligned, so she might be able to trust Renquist temporarily. They hate the deal, but see no alternative. A president in powered armor personally leading a special ops mission deep in Russian territory is insane. Talk about plausible deniability!

To avoid leaving evidence behind the mission will use Russian made Andraste knockoffs for powered armor and Russian guns and ammo. Only MJ will use a real Andraste.

Fernando will lead the U.S. military during the war games, while MJ invades Russia.

They call Renquist back on Corella’s data glasses and make the deal.

INT – U.S. SUBMARINE – DAY

The submarine breaks through the ice in a weak spot near the meeting spot.

MJ calls Fernando on her data glasses. He shares satellite imagery on the Kombinat base. It isn’t lightly defended at all. There are over a hundred powered armors. It looks like a trap! Renquist lied to them.

She asks Fernando to look for an ambush near the meeting site. Renquist only has three henchmen with him, all four of them in Andrastes with oversized snowshoes. Even with powered armor, four people is not enough for an ambush. What’s going on?

Fernando shifts back to the Kombinat base. Planes are loading powered armors for takeoffs. They just needed to wait.

SEALs deploy from the main submarine and another mini-sub. They test whether the ice can carry enough weight with snowshoes. Once verified, MJ puts on an Andraste and exists the sub.

EXT – ICE – DAY

Renquist and his mercenaries join forces with MJ and her SEALs. They plod towards the base. They take off snowshoes when they reach land.

The Americans attack the Kombinat base, quickly overwhelming them. Continuing inside.

INT – KOMBINAT BASE – DAY

The skeleton crew is easily defeated. All that remains is a few at the very back. The leader of the last holdouts is Zelda. When Zelda sees Renquist she gets her troops to hold their fire.

Zelda acts like she expected Renquist to hand over MJ. Instead, Renquist tells her how Zelda’s partner was really killed. Ivashov, leader of Kombinat, wanted to frame MJ for the death of her partner, so Ivashov made sure he bled out. Posing as a police consultant, he tried to get None to turn on MJ. He wouldn’t, so the plan failed. Ivashov let Zelda’s partner die for nothing and blamed it on MJ to make Zelda try to kill her.

Zelda’s troops attack. Zelda and the Americans dispatch them quickly.

Zelda gives up the kill switch and swears to kill Ivashov. She’ll even work as a spy to bring down Kombinat.

MJ throws the dagger near her head. Zelda pledged to kill the murderer of her partner with the katana that killed him. This will help Zelda keep that pledge. As an afterthought, Zelda mentions she may still kill MJ after Ivashov is dead.

Satellites detected explosions. Russian patrols coming.

A mad dash to leave.

EXT – ICE – DAY

To run faster, MJ carries the snowshoes instead of wearing them. Eventually, the ice cracks, and MJ gets trapped under ice.

EXT – UNDERWATER – DAY

Dropping. Dropping. The mini-sub latches onto her.

Sonic booms as jets fly overhead. MJ remains undetectable under water.

Action sequence as MJ and the SEALs have to evade Russian subs trying to find them while contending with limits on how much air and how much pressure the powered armors can handle and limitations of the mini-sub in arctic conditions.

INT – SUBMARINE – DAY

Low on oxygen and with micro-fractures in her helmet, MJ gets aboard the main sub for the trip home.

Once out of harm’s way, MJ contacts Fernando. He tells her three ships have run aground during the exercises near Taiwan. There can’t be that many incompetent captains. Something is going on.

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

Fernando and MJ decide to destroy the kill switch to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands again.

Fernando sets the satellites to look for topography changes. A search shows the Chinese coastline has been expanded near Taiwan and some nearby mountains are shorter. They figure out the Chinese are building a land bridge to invade Taiwan. The topology changes are why so many ships ran aground.

On the news, Kombinat took over Russia’s government while much of the military was off at the war games with their ally China. Russia is now a rogue superpower with enough nukes to destroy the world, led by the man behind the brazen attacks on the White House. MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power. At least now they know why Kombinat left their base almost undefended.

MJ and Fernando sit in shocked silence at the implications of what they’ve just learned.

Fernando breaks the silence with a peace offering. He tells MJ about a top secret DOD program for soldiers with brain injuries like None. An experimental brain implant could help him. Is this None’s best chance to be normal again?

INT – SITUATION ROOM – DAY

MJ, Fernando, and several generals watch as American and allied ships prepare to blockade the land bridge. They have to stop the invasion of Taiwan to save a free democracy, but also because most semiconductors are created in Taiwan. Without a free Taiwan, there will be a massive shortage of new cars and electronic gadgets.

News of the blockade highlights the land bridge and likely invasion of Taiwan. Within hours the price of electronics triples worldwide.

Will the blockade start a war with China?

Satellites look for military targets. There are only civilians. They can’t fire on civilians or they become the bad guy. There’s no way to stop the land bridge. The civilians ignore the ships blockading them. They continue to spew dirt into the ocean. The ships have to retreat before they too run aground as the ground rises around them.

All the technology secrets of America’s companies are kept in Taiwan’s fabs where the chips are made. That technology can’t fall into Chinese hands. America must help Taiwan evacuate and rebuild their semiconductor production elsewhere.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put that at the top of your work.

Don’t overdue misdirects. I’m proud of some of my novel wide misdirects, but the beginning doesn’t have as many since it spends a decent amount of time to resolve threads from book 1.

1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection

A. The Red Herring character.

Renquist was the main book 1 villain, so it’s easy for him to be a red herring since readers will be shocked by the change in role. For the overall book, the Chinese leader will be revealed as a red herring only in the finale.

B. The Villain’s plan.

The villain’s plan for the overall book is only truly revealed in the finale with a six-sense level reveal. During these episodes, we are beginning to reveal the overall plans of the villain and the red herring.

C. The cover-up for each mystery presented as “Reality.”

The episodes begin with the book 1 reality and only in later reveals does the truth change who is allied and who is an enemy.

2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.

A. Clue Misdirection.

B. Character Misdirection.

C. Dialog Misdirection.

None complains about perspiration, but he’s actually talking about perseveration. After the brain injury, he has trouble with new words.

3. Decide on the ones that work and add them to the Thriller Map.

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered. (reveal setup in book 1, 1 of 2 hero cover-ups)

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

MJ/Renquist Distrust: Renquist is guilty of making American unsafe.

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Twist

Direction: The destroyed drone wasn’t a malfunction. It was destroyed by a kill switch.

Twist: MJ’s lie about a drone malfunction has been uncovered, but she can’t reveal what she knows about the kill switch since she was doing something illegal.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Twist

Direction: MJ still doesn’t feel safe after the attacks.

Twist: The attacker that vowed to kill her was the one that escaped.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ and she escaped.

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Clue: Jubilee helped China more than U.S.

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Twist

Direction: It’s a shock to Americans to be the #2 economy

Twist: They switch to ultra-patriotism and seem to be happy (denial).

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China? (reveal setup in book 1, impact of economic subplots)

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Twist

Direction: None is taken care of by staff, despite MJ and Shen being too busy with White House party.

Twist: He wakes up and runs out of the White House, delirious.

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down? (reveal setup in book 1, 2 of 2 hero cover ups)

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is telling her about the plane because she wants something.

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Mystery: Why is India openly defiant to China after a history of hedging their bets?

Reveal: Indian leader’s nephew killed in border skirmish with China.

Twist

Direction: They had a certain amount of time before the American fleet would be in danger.

Twist: Because of Indian leader there is even less time to find the kill switch.

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Dialog Misdirection: None complains about perspiration, but he’s actually talking about perseveration. After the brain injury, he has trouble with new words.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is working for Renquist.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Renquist can blackmail MJ.

Twist

Direction: Secret meeting with Corella.

Twist: She’s just a front for contact from Renquist.

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

MJ/Renquist distrust: His reason for the kill switch is valid, but he still almost killed None and tried to kill her.

Twist

Direction: When Renquist created the kill switch, it was an act of treason.

Twist: The kill switch was really made to disable American weapons that fell into enemy hands.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

MJ/Renquist trust: While a hated foe, Renquist can be trusted somewhere while their interests are aligned.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

MJ/Ivashov distrust: MJ is attacking Ivashov’s Kombinat base.

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Twist

Direction: Zelda vowed to kill MJ because she killed her partner.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Why didn’t he tell her Zelda would be there

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ.

Twist: It was actually Ivashov that let her partner bleed out to frame MJ. (reveal setup in book 1)

MJ/Renquist trust: He revealed information that makes Zelda no longer her main target.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda now has a common enemy.

Twist 2: Zelda will now spy for MJ against their common foe.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda will help MJ.

Twist 3: She might still kill MJ after everything is done.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda might still try to kill MJ, even though they are allies now.

Twist 4: MJ gives Zelda the dagger made from her broken katana despite threats on her life.

MJ/Zelda trust: MJ gives her a dagger made from the katana used to kill her partner, which Zelda wanted to use to kill her partner’s killer.

Reveal: True motivation of kill switch was not treason. (setup in book 1)

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Twist

Direction: Jumping in the ice water will help MJ evade detection so she’ll be safer.

Twist: The strong currents trap her under ice, so she is less safe.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Clue: multiple ships ran aground in war games.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

MJ/Chinese President Liu Yong distrust: China is planning to attack Taiwan.

Twist

Direction: ships running aground seems to multiple cases of incompetence.

Twist: It wasn’t incompetence, but ocean changes, leading to the discovery of the land bridge. (Reveal, which will have more layers of reveal over course of book)

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

MJ/Ivashov distrust: Ivashov will now be more powerful, and MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power.

Twist

Direction: MJ had invaded a Kombinat base while it was lightly defended.

Twist: The base was lightly defended because Kombinat took over Russia. While MJ invaded Kombinat, Kombinat was invading elsewhere. (reveal why attack had to be during war games.)

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

Twist

Direction: The land bridge is backed by the military

Twist: No military personnel are involved, but can’t shoot civilians or become the bad guy. (reveal)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

6. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put that at the top of your work.

I’m already skilled with putting in clue trails. It’s part of the setup for new mystery subplots. The difference between overt and covert clues was useful for doing more detailed analysis and another effective tool for rewrites. I do tend to think more of progressions instead of the details of which parts are clues or reveals.

1. List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.

While there are better mysteries for the overall story, these are the smaller mysteries of the first two episodes.

How can the kill switch be stopped?

What will be the impact on America of the global economic meltdown and the attempted fix of Jubilee?

Will China or Russia go to war with the United States and its allies?

2. Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.

Kill switch:

(covert) Renquist owns many U.S. military subcontractors.

(overt) Renquist seen using a kill switch to turn a destroy a drone when MJ tried to kill him.

(overt) “Who do you think makes your drones?”

(covert) cover up drone as a malfunction

(covert) Renquist seems allied with Russians.

<— end of previous book —>

(covert) military investigation reveals the true cause of drone destruction.

(overt) military finds the existence of kill switch.

(overt) Renquist reveals his actual plan.

(overt) Renquist has deal to get kill switch back for a price.

(overt) kill switch retrieved

Impact: kill switch destroyed so it doesn’t fall in the wrong hands again.

Economic impact

(covert) Global meltdown affected U.S.

(overt) Jubilee helped the entire world.

<— end of previous book —>

(covert) Jubilee helped China more than the U.S.

(overt) China is now #1 economy

Impact: symbolic move of IMF to China shocks Americans, despite most Americans not knowing or caring what the IMF was before the change.

Global War

(overt) Russia cabal Kombinat attack on White House

(covert) Kombinat gets kill switch

<— end of previous book —>

(covert) Nephew of Indian leader killer in border clash with China.

(overt) India ready to openly defy China.

(overt) MJ attacks Kombinat base, while their troops were mostly gone.

(overt) recover the kill switch.

(covert) several ships run aground near Taiwan in war games.

(overt) China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

(overt) Kombinat takes over Russia to make a new rogue superpower with enough nukes to destroy the world. Intentions unknown.

Impact: World is less safe and moving towards war.

3. Decide which clues you want to use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery.

4. Add the clue trails to your Thriller Map.

5. Give us the latest version of your Thriller Map.

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered. (reveal setup in book 1, 1 of 2 hero cover ups)

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

MJ/Renquist Distrust: Renquist is guilty of making American unsafe.

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Twist

Direction: The destroyed drone wasn’t a malfunction. It was destroyed by a kill switch.

Twist: MJ’s lie about a drone malfunction has been uncovered, but she can’t reveal what she knows about the kill switch since she was doing something illegal.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Twist

Direction: MJ still doesn’t feel safe after the attacks.

Twist: The attacker that vowed to kill her was the one that escaped.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ and she escaped.

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Clue: Jubilee helped China more than U.S.

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Twist

Direction: It’s a shock to Americans to be the #2 economy

Twist: They switch to ultra-patriotism and seem to be happy (denial).

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China? (reveal setup in book 1, impact of economic subplots)

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Twist

Direction: None is taken care of by staff, despite MJ and Shen being too busy with White House party.

Twist: He wakes up and runs out of the White House, delirious.

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down? (reveal setup in book 1, 2 of 2 hero cover ups)

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is telling her about the plane because she wants something.

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Mystery: Why is India openly defiant to China after a history of hedging their bets?

Reveal: Indian leader’s nephew killed in border skirmish with China.

Twist

Direction: They had a certain amount of time before the American fleet would be in danger.

Twist: Because of Indian leader there is even less time to find the kill switch.

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is working for Renquist.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Renquist can blackmail MJ.

Twist

Direction: Secret meeting with Corella.

Twist: She’s just a front for contact from Renquist.

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

MJ/Renquist distrust: His reason for the kill switch is valid, but he still almost killed None and tried to kill her.

Twist

Direction: When Renquist created the kill switch, it was an act of treason.

Twist: The kill switch was really made to disable American weapons that fell into enemy hands.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

MJ/Renquist trust: While a hated foe, Renquist can be trusted somewhere while their interests are aligned.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

MJ/Ivashov distrust: MJ is attacking Ivashov’s Kombinat base.

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Twist

Direction: Zelda vowed to kill MJ because she killed her partner.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Why didn’t he tell her Zelda would be there

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ.

Twist: It was actually Ivashov that let her partner bleed out to frame MJ. (reveal setup in book 1)

MJ/Renquist trust: He revealed information that makes Zelda no longer her main target.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda now has a common enemy.

Twist 2: Zelda will now spy for MJ against their common foe.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda will help MJ.

Twist 3: She might still kill MJ after everything is done.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda might still try to kill MJ, even though they are allies now.

Twist 4: MJ gives Zelda the dagger made from her broken katana despite threats on her life.

MJ/Zelda trust: MJ gives her a dagger made from the katana used to kill her partner, which Zelda wanted to use to kill her partner’s killer.

Reveal: True motivation of kill switch was not treason. (setup in book 1)

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Twist

Direction: Jumping in the ice water will help MJ evade detection so she’ll be safer.

Twist: The strong currents trap her under ice, so she is less safe.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Clue: multiple ships ran aground in war games.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

MJ/Chinese President Liu Yong distrust: China is planning to attack Taiwan.

Twist

Direction: ships running aground seems to multiple cases of incompetence.

Twist: It wasn’t incompetence, but ocean changes, leading to the discovery of the land bridge. (Reveal, which will have more layers of reveal over course of book)

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

MJ/Ivashov distrust: Ivashov will now be more powerful, and MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power.

Twist

Direction: MJ had invaded a Kombinat base while it was lightly defended.

Twist: The base was lightly defended because Kombinat took over Russia. While MJ invaded Kombinat, Kombinat was invading elsewhere. (reveal why attack had to be during war games.)

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

Twist

Direction: The land bridge is backed by the military

Twist: No military personnel are involved, but can’t shoot civilians or become the bad guy. (reveal)

[P.G. Sundling]

6. Answer the question “What I learned is…?”

Working backwards is exactly how I used to setup reveals before. Thinking about the components like this does make it even more easier. Thinking of things as a cover up helps. In my first novel, I mined the same information to provide multiple reveals, just by changing the context of the information.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered.

IMF moving to China.

Corella knows about the plane MJ shot down

Indian leader’s nephew killed in border skirmish with China.

True motivation of kill switch was not treason.

Zelda’s partner was really killed by Ivashov and blamed on MJ.

Kombinat base had to be attacked during the war games because they were during their own attacks.

China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Land bridge constructed by only civilians, can’t just kill to stop it.

2. Sequence them to fit into your Thriller Map.

3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:

A. What is the reveal?

B. How did it get covered up?

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered. (reveal setup in book 1, 1 of 2 hero cover-ups)

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

MJ/Renquist Distrust: Renquist is guilty of making American unsafe.

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Twist

Direction: The destroyed drone wasn’t a malfunction. It was destroyed by a kill switch.

Twist: MJ’s lie about a drone malfunction has been uncovered, but she can’t reveal what she knows about the kill switch since she was doing something illegal.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Twist

Direction: MJ still doesn’t feel safe after the attacks.

Twist: The attacker that vowed to kill her was the one that escaped.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ and she escaped.

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Twist

Direction: It’s a shock to Americans to be the #2 economy

Twist: They switch to ultra-patriotism and seem to be happy (denial).

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China? (reveal setup in book 1, impact of economic subplots)

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Twist

Direction: None is taken care of by staff, despite MJ and Shen being too busy with White House party.

Twist: He wakes up and runs out of the White House, delirious.

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down? (reveal setup in book 1, 2 of 2 hero cover ups)

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is telling her about the plane because she wants something.

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Mystery: Why is India openly defiant to China after a history of hedging their bets?

Reveal: Indian leader’s nephew killed in border skirmish with China.

Twist

Direction: They had a certain amount of time before the American fleet would be in danger.

Twist: Because of Indian leader there is even less time to find the kill switch.

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is working for Renquist.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Renquist can blackmail MJ.

Twist

Direction: Secret meeting with Corella.

Twist: She’s just a front for contact from Renquist.

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

MJ/Renquist distrust: His reason for the kill switch is valid, but he still almost killed None and tried to kill her.

Twist

Direction: When Renquist created the kill switch, it was an act of treason.

Twist: The kill switch was really made to disable American weapons that fell into enemy hands.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

MJ/Renquist trust: While a hated foe, Renquist can be trusted somewhere while their interests are aligned.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

MJ/Ivashov distrust: MJ is attacking Ivashov’s Kombinat base.

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Twist

Direction: Zelda vowed to kill MJ because she killed her partner.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Why didn’t he tell her Zelda would be there

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ.

Twist: It was actually Ivashov that let her partner bleed out to frame MJ. (reveal setup in book 1)

MJ/Renquist trust: He revealed information that makes Zelda no longer her main target.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda now has a common enemy.

Twist 2: Zelda will now spy for MJ against their common foe.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda will help MJ.

Twist 3: She might still kill MJ after everything is done.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda might still try to kill MJ, even though they are allies now.

Twist 4: MJ gives Zelda the dagger made from her broken katana despite threats on her life.

MJ/Zelda trust: MJ gives her a dagger made from the katana used to kill her partner, which Zelda wanted to use to kill her partner’s killer.

Reveal: True motivation of kill switch was not treason. (setup in book 1)

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Twist

Direction: Jumping in the ice water will help MJ evade detection so she’ll be safer.

Twist: The strong currents trap her under ice, so she is less safe.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

MJ/Chinese President Liu Yong distrust: China is planning to attack Taiwan.

Twist

Direction: ships running aground seems to multiple cases of incompetence.

Twist: It wasn’t incompetence, but ocean changes, leading to the discovery of the land bridge. (Reveal, which will have more layers of reveal over course of book)

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

MJ/Ivashov distrust: Ivashov will now be more powerful, and MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power.

Twist

Direction: MJ had invaded a Kombinat base while it was lightly defended.

Twist: The base was lightly defended because Kombinat took over Russia. While MJ invaded Kombinat, Kombinat was invading elsewhere. (reveal why attack had to be during war games.)

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

Twist

Direction: The land bridge is backed by the military

Twist: No military personnel are involved, but can’t shoot civilians or become the bad guy. (reveal)

5. Tell us about the reveals you built into your Thriller Map.

These reveals were setup in the previous novel:

kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered. (MJ already saw a kill switch in action when she illegally tried to kill Renquist on American soil)

IMF moving to China. (impact of economic story of book 1)

Corella knows about the plane MJ shot down. (Renquist manipulated MJ into shooting down the plane with American conspirators and she’s on the hook for it.)

True motivation of kill switch was not treason. (MJ assumed it was treason, but Renquist, while ruthless, is a patriot.)

Zelda’s partner was really killed by Ivashov and blamed on MJ(It didn’t add up and now MJ knows why.)

These reveals are in the start of book 2:

Indian leader’s nephew kill in border skirmish with China. (It’s why India is openly defiant to China.)

Kombinat base had to be attacked during the war games because they were during their own attacks. (part of Kombinat’s plan B after MJ stopped plan A in book 1.)

China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan. (The obvious main conflict of book 2, which will turn out to be a distraction by the Chinese AI.)

Land bridge constructed by only civilians, can’t just kill to stop it. (U.S. military might can’t easily stop this threat.)

[P.G. Sundling]

Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.

6. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Trust doesn’t necessarily stay constant throughout the story. By choosing trustworthy characters for my heroes I am missing some opportunities for conflict.

1. Make a list of the main characters.

Hero: MJ, None of the Above, Fernando, Ada

Villain: Dmitri Ivashov, Yu Gong Yi Shan

Red Herring Character: Chinese President Liu Yong(in some plotlines), Alvin Renquist

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Rick Slater

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Zelda

2. With each character, ask these questions:

A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Hero: MJ(trustable), None of the Above(trustable), Fernando(trustable), Ada(depends on context)

Villain: Dmitri Ivashov(not trustable), Yu Gong Yi Shan(not trustable)

Red Herring Character: Chinese President Liu Yong(not trustable), Alvin Renquist(not trustable)

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Rick Slater(not trustable)

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Zelda(trustable)

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

Zelda wants to murder the person who killed her partner. She thought that was MJ, but finds out it’s actually Ivashov.

Rick Slater has worked with None and MJ in the past, but he blames them for losing his company and he also wants to expedite the singularity because he’s dying. Ada is trustworthy in some contexts, but is untrustworthy romantically.

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

Finding out he’s dying switches Rich Slater to untrustworthy. Finding out the circumstances of her partner’s death makes Zelda trustworthy. Renquist having common interests haves him temporarily trustworthy. None’s plan in the finale depends on Renquist betraying him.

3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero / Villain: MJ/Dmitri Ivashov He sent assassins after her and now she attacks his base to recover the kill switch.

Hero / Red Herring Character: MJ/Renquist: MJ must work with Renquist to get back the kill switch, even though she almost killed the man she loves and tried to kill her too.

Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t be:

Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be: MJ/Zelda wants to avenge her partner and kill MJ, but that changes when she finds out Ivashov actually caused his death.

4. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship (like I did with Three Days of The Condor) and then add that to your map.

5. Give us the new version of your Thriller Map.

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered.

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

MJ/Renquist Distrust: Renquist is guilty of making American unsafe.

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Twist

Direction: The destroyed drone wasn’t a malfunction. It was destroyed by a kill switch.

Twist: MJ’s lie about a drone malfunction has been uncovered, but she can’t reveal what she knows about the kill switch since she was doing something illegal.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Twist

Direction: MJ still doesn’t feel safe after the attacks.

Twist: The attacker that vowed to kill her was the one that escaped.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ and she escaped.

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Twist

Direction: It’s a shock to Americans to be the #2 economy

Twist: They switch to ultra-patriotism and seem to be happy (denial).

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China?

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Twist

Direction: None is taken care of by staff, despite MJ and Shen being too busy with White House party.

Twist: He wakes up and runs out of the White House, delirious.

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down?

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is telling her about the plane because she wants something.

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Twist

Direction: They had a certain amount of time before the American fleet would be in danger.

Twist: Because of Indian leader there is even less time to find the kill switch.

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

MJ/Corella distrust: Corella is working for Renquist.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Renquist can blackmail MJ.

Twist

Direction: Secret meeting with Corella.

Twist: She’s just a front for contact from Renquist.

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

MJ/Renquist distrust: His reason for the kill switch is valid, but he still almost killed None and tried to kill her.

Twist

Direction: When Renquist created the kill switch, it was an act of treason.

Twist: The kill switch was really made to disable American weapons that fell into enemy hands.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

MJ/Renquist trust: While a hated foe, Renquist can be trusted somewhere while their interests are aligned.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

MJ/Ivashov distrust: MJ is attacking Ivashov’s Kombinat base.

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Twist

Direction: Zelda vowed to kill MJ because she killed her partner.

MJ/Renquist distrust: Why didn’t he tell her Zelda would be there

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda tried to kill MJ.

Twist: It was actually Ivashov that let her partner bleed out to frame MJ.

MJ/Renquist trust: He revealed information that makes Zelda no longer her main target.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda now has a common enemy.

Twist 2: Zelda will now spy for MJ against their common foe.

MJ/Zelda trust: Zelda will help MJ.

Twist 3: She might still kill MJ after everything is done.

MJ/Zelda distrust: Zelda might still try to kill MJ, even though they are allies now.

Twist 4: MJ gives Zelda the dagger made from her broken katana despite threats on her life.

MJ/Zelda trust: MJ gives her a dagger made from the katana used to kill her partner, which Zelda wanted to use to kill her partner’s killer.

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Twist

Direction: Jumping in the ice water will help MJ evade detection so she’ll be safer.

Twist: The strong currents trap her under ice, so she is less safe.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

MJ/Chinese President Liu Yong distrust: China is planning to attack Taiwan.

Twist

Direction: ships running aground seems to multiple cases of incompetence.

Twist: It wasn’t incompetence, but ocean changes, leading to the discovery of the land bridge.

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

MJ/Ivashov distrust: Ivashov will now be more powerful, and MJ has no idea what he’ll do with that power.

Twist

Direction: MJ had invaded a Kombinat base while it was lightly defended.

Twist: The base was lightly defended because Kombinat took over Russia. While MJ invaded Kombinat, Kombinat was invading elsewhere.

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

Twist

Direction: The land bridge is backed by the military

Twist: No military personnel are involved, but can’t shoot civilians or become the bad guy.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

Build Twists throughout your story.

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

My stories tend to have lots of plot twists, which I’m known for as a writer. The opening has a lot fewer twists than later in the book.

1. Read through your Thriller Map and look for places to build in twists.

2. Use the 14 Types of Twists to brainstorm possible twists. Make sure they have the Current Direction / Twist pattern.

3. Tell us the places you added twists.

The story already had several plot twists

4. Include the new version of your Thriller Map.

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered.

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Twist

Direction: The destroyed drone wasn’t a malfunction. It was destroyed by a kill switch.

Twist: MJ’s lie about a drone malfunction has been uncovered, but she can’t reveal what she knows about the kill switch since she was doing something illegal.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Twist

Direction: MJ still doesn’t feel safe after the attacks.

Twist: The attacker that vowed to kill her was the one that escaped.

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Twist

Direction: It’s a shock to Americans to be the #2 economy

Twist: They switch to ultra-patriotism and seem to be happy (denial).

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China?

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Twist

Direction: None is taken care of by staff, despite MJ and Shen being too busy with White House party.

Twist: He wakes up and runs out of the White House, delirious.

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down?

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Twist

Direction: They had a certain amount of time before the American fleet would be in danger.

Twist: Because of Indian leader there is even less time to find the kill switch.

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

Twist

Direction: Secret meeting with Corella.

Twist: She’s just a front for contact from Renquist.

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

Twist

Direction: When Renquist created the kill switch, it was an act of treason.

Twist: The kill switch was really made to disable American weapons that fell into enemy hands.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Twist

Direction: Zelda vowed to kill MJ because she killed her partner.

Twist: It was actually Ivashov that let her partner bleed out to frame MJ.

Twist 2: Zelda will now spy for MJ against their common foe.

Twist 3: She might still kill MJ after everything is done.

Twist 4: MJ gives Zelda the dagger made from her broken katana despite threats on her life.

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Twist

Direction: Jumping in the ice water will help MJ evade detection so she’ll be safer.

Twist: The strong currents trap her under ice, so she is less safe.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

Twist

Direction: ships running aground seems to multiple cases of incompetence.

Twist: It wasn’t incompetence, but ocean changes, leading to the discovery of the land bridge.

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

Twist

Direction: MJ had invaded a Kombinat base while it was lightly defended.

Twist: The base was lightly defended because Kombinat took over Russia and became more powerful.

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

Twist

Direction: The land bridge is backed by the military

Twist: No military personnel are involved, but can’t shoot civilians or become the bad guy.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

This is ridiculous to continue to do the full map. Instead of a 1.5-2 hour movie, I’m doing a book that translates to 6+ hours of TV! I can’t continue to do the assignments for the full book. Only doing the first 2 episodes instead.

1. List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 1

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered.

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while wargames continue.

Act 2: Ships ran aground in wargames because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Reveal: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

2&3 Inside your structure, fill in the gaps with the Life Threatening situations, Mysteries, and Villain’s plan. Do this one at a time. That will keep you from getting confused.

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 1

Teaser: kill switch that shuts down American military tech discovered.

Life threatening: Dangerous to deploy American military because kill switch could make vulnerable.

Villain’s Plan: Renquist is the only one who could pull off a kill switch.

Life threatening: Are the attacks on the White House over?

Mystery: Which of the attackers escaped?

Mystery: Was the device Renquist used to shoot down a drone a kill switch?

Mystery: Where has Renquist escaped to?

Life threatening: Will Renquist try to kill None or MJ again?

Mystery: What will MJ do with the broken pieces of her katana?

Act 1: None of the Above recovery from coma

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Mystery: How will Fernando deal with MJ rejecting him?

Mystery: What happened to the economy after Jubilee?

Mystery: What happened when None and MJ got their company back?

Mystery: How will the world react to China becoming #1 economy?

Mystery: Will the IMF bank really be moved to China?

Life threatening: border skirmish between India and China adds more danger.

Act 2: White House reopens after attacks, celebration party

Mystery: Will None be OK for the night without MJ and Shen?

Mystery: What does MaxPlume want to talk to MJ about?

Mystery: What does Corella know about the plane MJ shot down?

Life threatening: Indian leader wants to move up war games, which will put American fleet in danger

Mystery: Can the kill switch be found before the war games?

Act 3: Secret White House meeting with Corella.

Mystery: Why is Corella working for Renquist?

Villain’s plan: Renquist reveals his real reason for the kill switch.

Mystery: Why does the attack on the Kombinat arctic base have to be on the same day as the exercises?

Mystery: Can Renquist be trusted to keep his end of the bargain?

Mystery: Will the Russians detect the attack on their soil?

Act 4: MJ attack on arctic Kombinat base in Russia, while Fernando leads U.S. military during competing Russian/Chinese wargames

Life threatening: Will MJ survive the attack and evade capture?

Mystery: Will the war games escalate into a real conflict?

Act 5: evading Russian patrol leaving base

Life threatening: Russian patrol would kill or capture MJ.

Mystery: How will MJ’s team avoid detection?

Ending Surprise: MJ dives into ice water to hide heat signature and is trapped under ice

Life threatening: MJ is trapped under ice in a heavy powered armor.

Mystery: Can MJ avoid drowning or her armor cracking under pressure?

Book 2/season 1.5, episode 2

Teaser: MJ rescued by SEAL mini-sub

Life threatening: MJ could be killed or captured.

Mystery: Will the Russians detect her sub?

Act 1: MJ submarine chase escaping Russia while war games continue.

Life threatening: MJ being chased.

Mystery: Why are multiple ships running aground in the war games?

Act 2: Ships ran aground in war games because China is building a land bridge to invade Taiwan.

Villian’s plan: China is planning to invade Taiwan using a land bridge.

Villian’s plan: Kombinat took over Russian government while Russian military off doing exercises with China.

Act 3: Global panic over Taiwan semiconductor industry

Mystery: What will the world do without the most advanced chips?

Act 4: None of the Above to get brain implant

Life threatening: None could die in surgery.

Mystery: Will None ever be himself again?

Act 5: Organize blockade to stop land bridge

Life threatening: Will the blockade cause a war with China?

Ending Surprise: No Chinese military involved, so how do we stop the land bridge without firing on civilians?

Mystery: Can the land bridge be stopped?

[P.G. Sundling]

ASSIGNMENT

Create your Life Threatening Sequence.

5. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put it at the top of your assignment.

All 15 of the potential dangers and 9 out of 10 of the “dangers could also come from” list are include in the first novel in the series. That’s 24 out of 25 listed added over years of crafting on the book that I already published! The vast majority will be in this book as well.

1. What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

Kombinat: They want to take over Russia in a coup and bring former Soviet states back into the Russian sphere of influence.

Puts the hero in danger because MJ must lead a covert invasion of a Russian Kombinat base to steal back a kill switch that can shutdown U.S. Military technology without getting caught.

Chinese President Liu Yong: For China to become the dominant power and seize full control of the South China Sea.

Throughout the book, an escalating weapons race makes a war with Chinese increasingly likely. This jeopardizes not only the heroes, but the entire world.

Yu Gong Yi Shan: In the beginning, his goals are to serve China. As his mind becomes god-like his goals are beyond human understanding. All humans can discern is that if the AI is not stopped in minutes, not hours, there will be no tomorrow for mankind.

The AI wages a global cyberwar against other AI that might interfere. Given that None of the Above has an AI in his head, this puts him in danger.

The AI launches the American land-based nuclear arsenal, although it’s role is hidden. This puts the world in danger, including the heroes.

2. What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

Threats (throughout book, too many to list, especially in geopolitical plotlines)

Talking about the danger (throughout book, too many to list)

Physical danger (MJ in danger in base attack, None of the Above in danger in Chernobyl fight)

Surveillance / watched (None of the Above/Ada watched during AI murders)

Chased (sub chase after attack on Kombinat base in Russia)

Lured into a dangerous situation (MJ must do base attack while tensions high during military exercises)

Closeness to the villain (MJ must work with Renquist to recover kill switch)

Trapped / Abducted / Arrested (None of the Above is trapped by entity in his head)

The chance that a relationship could end. (None and Fernando both at risk for losing relationship with MJ)

The threat that their own secret could be revealed. (MJ must keep the secret that she shot down plane with Americans on board, even though they conspired to assassinate president. Must also keep secret that she attempted to kill Renquist on American soil with an illegal drone strike)

Public humiliation. (Entity in None’s brain takes sexual advantage of him during an important meaning, proving her absolute control of his body)

Loss of a job or career. (None must keep entity in his head a secret or MJ won’t let me him return to presidency)

A demand to stop pursuing the mystery.(While None tries to figure out the mystery of the Chinese AI, the Russian leader begins killing None’s teammates until he stops America’s nukes.)

Betrayal from someone close. (MURICA AI launches American nukes)

Someone operating covertly around them. (Zelda will work as spy against Kombinat)

Other parties who need to solve the mystery first. (Chinese must solve the mystery of stopping Yu Gong Yi Shan before None can stop the American nukes)

Other parties who want the Villain dead.(A reveal makes Zelda want the leader of Kombinat dead.)

3. From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

See answer for #2

4. Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.

Opens with smoldering White House from attacks and the discovery of the kill switch that can stop American military technology.

None deals with losing his beautiful brain in an assassination attempt, gets function back from brain implant.

Deal with Renquist(book 1 villain) to keep MJ’s secrets and recover kill switch in return for dropping charges of treason and allowing access to funds, but not his company. (MJ must keep the secret that she shot down plane with Americans on board, even though they conspired to assassinate president. Must also keep secret that she attempted to kill Renquist on American soil with an illegal drone strike)

MJ and Renquist lead special forces attack on Russian arctic base of Kombinat.

Defeat Kombinat and confront Zelda. Renquist reveal turns her against Kombinat’s leader. Zelda wants him dead and will act as a spy.

MJ leaves with kill switch, but Russians approaching

Sub chase and narrow escape.

U.S. anti-missile technology, Eagle Eye, pushes Chinese to full scale nuclear arms race.

None modifies his implant, against warnings that he could lose his sanity. He feels smarter than ever, but later realizes he’s hallucinating. He can’t let MJ know or he’ll never be president again.

The rock-paper-scissors technology escalation continues between China and U.S. making world less safe.

None might be crazy, or he might have an entity in his head. The entity traps None in his own body and takes sexual advantage of him during an important meeting in front of MJ and people he cares about. Setback in taking back the presidency.

Back and forth with relationship as None and Fernando vie for MJ and the entity in his head tries to sabotage None. They both face losing their relationship with MJ at various times.

Entity in brain says being watch, explains AI are being murdered.

Cyberwar, entire Internet now wonky. AI disappearing in greater numbers.

MURICA AI launches American nukes

None got presidency back, but gives it back to MJ to pursue plan to stop American nukes, travels to Chernobyl.

Air Force One normal plane gets destroyed by enhanced EMP. None narrowly escapes in another plane. Berlin taken down, lose refueling plane, won’t have fuel for return journey.

MJ with Fernando lead army to stop nuclear counterattacks.

None realizes the bigger threat from Chinese AI. Chinese must solve the mystery of stopping Yu Gong Yi Shan before None can stop the American nukes.

Russians helping with Chernobyl plan attack. While None tries to figure out the mystery of the Chinese AI, the Russian leader begins killing None’s teammates until he stops America’s nukes. None sounds crazy.

Chinese nuke their own city.

None stops American nukes.

[P.G. Sundling]

Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.

6. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put it at the top of your assignment.

At least 4 of the 6 major plots are related to the main villain covering up and defending their biggest secret. Wow! It looks like all the pieces I tried to set up point in the right direction.

I handle the beginning differently. I start with two cover-ups from a hero, not the villain, actions the villain manipulated them into. The book 1 villain uses those secrets as leverage over that hero.

I noticed that I have plotlines that are primary for suspense, with only a small amount of mystery sprinkled on it throughout the story. They work well with only that, but I’ll have to look for ways to add mystery over time.

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

Yu Gong Yi Shan can only be stopped by nuking Shanghai.

2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.

Plotline: When a singularity cult disables AI safety protocols, sentient AIs emerge in growing numbers. When the AIs begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them? [Murdering AIs to prevent interference, plotline leads to finale sequence where None of the Above realizes key parts of Yu Gong Yi Shan’s plan and everything in the story can be viewed through new eyes. None of the Above must not save the world, or he will doom it.]

Plotline: When a military computer with American exceptionalism as it’s primary directive overrides failsafes to launch the American nuclear arsenal, the missiles must be stopped in the midst of a global cyberwar. [manipulates all the coincidences that make the launch of American nukes happen, which if stopped too soon will also stop the nuking of Shanghai.]

Plotline: When a kill switch that disables American military technology falls into the wrong hands, to get it back, the President(MJ) must work with the man (Renquist) whose assassination attempt left the man she loves (None) mentally disabled. [Uses kill switch from this plotline as a key to preventing Shanghai from being nuked.]

Plotline: After China begins construction of a land bridge to Taiwan, it brings the world to the brink of war. Advances in military technology inch the world ever closer to doom. [The main plot has been a red herring to focus the heroes elsewhere while Yu Gong Yi Shan creates his plan. Only during the finale sequence do the Chinese realize the AI is a greater threat than the American military.]

3. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.

First mystery (Hero MJ) – Where is the kill switch and how can it be retrieved?

4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.

Kill switch plotline: Where is the kill switch and how can it be retrieved?

China land bridge plotline: How can the world become safe again?

AI murder plotline: Who or what is murdering AI and why?

Nuclear war plotline: Who is really behind the launch of nukes and what is their purpose?

5. Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.

Kill switch plotline(act 1, plus setups finale sequence)

Corella (journalist book 1) at a White House event cryptically mentions the flight ID of a plane full of Americans that President MJ (Hero) had shot down while being inaugurated.

President meets with Corella privately, she’s actually a front for book 1 villain Renquist. Renquist makes a deal to get charges of treason dropped if he helps her get the kill switch.

The kill switch is held by the cabal Kombinat in Russian Arctic base. Special Forces will have to assault the base to retrieve the kill switch. To make matters work it will only work if MJ comes personally on the day that competing military exercises put the world on edge.

Action sequence: Troops from subs attack base, Renquist does a reveal, Retrieve kill switch and retreat. Hide in snow, then a sub chase.

MJ returns with the kill switch which is destroyed to keep out of the wrong hands.

Finale sequence: Renquist hid another kill switch which is a vital part of None of the Above’s plan to save the world from nukes.

China land bridge plotline (overarching book-wide)

Notice China is extending its coastline to build a military base.

They keep expanding coastline, towards Taiwan, which implies an invasion of Taiwan.

At White House event, Indian leader is uncharacteristically belligerent against China. MJ finds out it’s because his nephew was killed in a border class with the Chinese.

U.S. and allies plan coordinated military exercises in the Taiwan Strait.

China/Russia to have competing exercises.

The land bridge construction continues, all done by civilians.

U.S. and allies not willing to fire on civilian contractors. Naval ships block the way, but they keep spewing dirt into the ocean.

The changes in topology end up causing a few naval ships to get stuck and have to be towed out, a total embarrassment for the allies.

America creates Eagle Eye, an anti-missile defense that can handle the latest hypersonic missiles. It leads to a full-blown nuclear arms race.

U.S. and China play rock-paper-scissors with new technologies for the rest of the book, escalating into space.

Finale sequence: Yu Gong Yi Shan plan in full swing. Chinese realize the true threat is their AI and attempt to nuke their own city.

AI murder plotline

Software called Bastion protects AI from people and vice versa.

The singularity cult releases software called Jericho, that brings down the walls of Bastion, resulting in large numbers of sentient AI.

Ada (AI in None of the Above’s brain implant) notices there were less AI than the day before. She quickly figures out someone or something is murdering AI.

None of the Above investigates singularity cult.

Ada communicates with more AI.

AI continue to disappear as None and Ada fear they could be next.

None finds out the leader of Kombinat is involved with singularity cult. He’s terminal and wants to speed the singularity along, even unsafely. He’s expecting a benevolent god-like intelligence.

North Korean AI brings down power for all of North Korea to hide.

Global cyberwar, as Yu Gong Yi Shan fights AIs on a global scale, resulting in strange behaviors across the Internet.

Finale sequence: None realizes Jericho was what set Yu Gong Yi Shan free to evolve. Yuri, Kombinat’s AI, merges with Bastion software to become a living Bastion strong enough to keep Yu Gong Yi Shan from escaping Shanghai before the nukes arrive.

Nuclear war plotline

Using the power of a nap, None comes up an extensive plan. None of the Above travels to Chernobyl to use a mysterious structure in his plan to save the world.

On the way there, during the cyberwar, enhanced EMPs take out Berlin, including the plane usually called Air Force One, and parts of New Zealand.

How can None out think the mind of God?

He realizes how to detect Yu Gong Yi Shan’s actions.

None has an epiphany that recolors the entire story in new eyes.

None changes the timing of things to make sure the nukes hit Shanghai and the day is saved.

[P.G. Sundling]

What I learned: This was a useful exercise to remind me of the overall villain’s plans. As you can tell from below, the novel has a pretty intricate plot.

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

What is the end goal?

Kombinat: They want to take over Russia in a coup and bring former Soviet states back into the Russian sphere of influence.

Yu Gong Yi Shan: In the beginning, his goals are to serve China. As his mind becomes god-like his goals are beyond human understanding. All humans can discern is that if the AI is not stopped in minutes, not hours, there will be no tomorrow for mankind.

Chinese President Liu Yong: For China to become the dominant power and seize full control of the South China Sea.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

Kombinat: Perform the coup while the Russian president and much of his military are doing war games with China. Planned to thwart the American military with a kill switch. They will pretend to open Russia to the west but use intercept technology that will show altered versions of the news with their propaganda to turn former Soviet countries against the west. A new invisible curtain will replace the old iron curtain.

Yu Gong Yi Shan: The AI’s plan is too complex to completely understand. It uses an insane amount of seemingly random factors to launch much of America’s land-based nuclear arsenal to start a nuclear war. Parts of the plan include Chinese hackers, an American AI, social media, cancel culture, fear of a Chinese invasion, and unwittingly the heroes themselves. That is only one component of its larger plan.

Chinese President Liu Yong: The land bridge to Taiwan will be created with only civilian contractors so that Taiwan and its allies would have to shoot civilians if they want to stop it. Espionage will be used to steal plans for a missile defense system. A space treaty will happen to not cover China’s next space technology.

How can they cover it up?

Kombinat: They will wage a propaganda war one person at a time. They will open Russia to alternative Media, but using intercept technology, even American media will sing their praises within the invisible curtain.

Yu Gong Yi Shan: Coincidences and luck that happen throughout the book are really symptoms of its cover-up. The AI tries to murder all other sentient AI to make sure they don’t interfere. It will shoot down the plane normally known as Air Force One and take down Berlin and parts of New Zealand with enhanced EMPs to thwart opponents.

Chinese President Liu Yong: Hides the dirt being used to create the land bridge with an underground railroad. Nuclear and conventional warheads use the same launchers. An underground network of tunnels.

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

The AI battle that Yu Gong Yi Shan wages sets off a global cyberwar.

None of the Above will save the world with a nap. He will let the entity in his head possess him. The finale will take place at a mysterious location near Chornobyl. When None of the Above realizes what’s truly going on, many of the events of the book will be seen in a new light.

Fernando and MJ will use the American military to protect against counterattacks when the nukes launch.

Then answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put that at the top of your work.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

Assignment 1

3. Make a list of everything you learn in the process that can help you write stronger thrillers. The Stacking Suspense Chart covers most of the scenes, so you can just keep track as you watch the movie:

MIS at the character and scene level reinforces each other. An erotic thriller can use sex as intrigue. Other thriller sub-genres like political thrillers can use their other half for MIS too.

4. Give us a list of the things you learned about Thrillers as you did this assignment.

I already picked up on the stacking nature of MIS from the day 2 and day 3 assignments. Putting them together and going through a film did give a deeper appreciation of the writing.

There were no wasted scenes regarding MIS. It’s all about building the tension. In other genres, there are often pauses to let the audience catch their breath.

Assignment 2

3. Give us a detailed list of the things you learned from doing this process that can help you write stronger thrillers.

You can identify scenes that don’t have enough MIS and add it to them. Reveal some MIS trait. It’s easier after practice. It’s a good tool for analysis of all existing stories too.

I was already doing many of these things but didn’t have terminology or a framework to communicate with others. I was adding layers and misdirects as I improved a story. This should make it easier to add from the beginning.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

4. What I learned: This process brings a lot of plot analysis, which is a lot of work for 6 plotlines, but makes it easier to see where the plotlines overlap.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story:

When China becomes the #1 economy, it hits the American public hard. They double down on patriotism to a ridiculous extent, embracing the Murica meme.

Between AI deepfakes, holographic technology (facecasting), and infinite fake news, reality is a fog.

Russia is overtaken by Kombinat, a cabal of Russian oligarchs. They appear to open back up to the west and transition to a freer society. In reality they replace the Iron Curtain with an Invisible Curtain. The AI Yuri intercepts media feeds. Russians can openly watch American broadcasts, but see an intercepted version with Kombinat propaganda inserted, spoken by American voices.

China becomes more aggressive with their territorial claims in the South China Sea. Going from building artificial islands to a land bridge to easily invade/integrate with Taiwan. They literally move mountains to make this happen.

Accelerating technology makes the new Cold War even more dangerous with everyone on a hairpin trigger with a battleground that reaches out into space.

1&3

Because of the multiple plotlines, it makes sense to intertwine #1 and #3 together.

Psychological thriller: After None of the Above modifies his brain implant, despite warnings, he loses his grip on reality. Has his implant become a sentient AI, has he opened a gateway to an evil spirit, or is he just crazy?

Big Mystery: What is reality, when you can’t trust your own senses? Will None regain his sanity?

Big Intrigue: When he finally has sex with the woman he love (MJ) he later finds out it wasn’t real.

Big Suspense: The entity Ada takes control, leaving None a prisoner in his own body.

Hero: None of the Above, the former president with a brain implant after brain trauma from an assassination attempt.

Mystery: What will None do next? He’s an unpredictable character who uses his wits to prevail.

Intrigue: None must manipulate Ada into giving him his freedom using only her love for him and true statements, since he never lies.

Suspense: During an important meeting, she stimulates the pleasure centers of his brain, showing him that she can dominate him sexually, even without a body. Ada gains controls of his body and changes his perceptions of reality.

Villain: Ada, the entity in None’s head.

Mystery: Is Ada an AI, a demon, or is None crazy? Ada intentionally keeps all three possibilities open by acting consistent with multiple interpretations. She tries to use these different possibilities as a red herring to hide her true nature.

Intrigue: Ada tries to manipulate None to make oaths she can use against him. None never breaks oaths. Ada loves None and will do devious things to get him to care for her.

Suspense: Ada takes control of None’s body. How can None escape from being held hostage in his own body?

Political thriller: After China begins construction of a land bridge to Taiwan, it brings the world to the brink of war. Advances in military technology inch the world ever closer to doom.

Big Mystery: How can the world become safe again?

Big Intrigue: In this new Cold War, Chinese spies could be anywhere. How is China advancing its technology so quickly?

Big Suspense: Each military advance, even defensive ones, only make the world less safe. With advances coming quicker and quicker, doom seems almost certain.

Hero: MJ, the U.S. President

Mystery: Can America keep up with China in the arms race?

Intrigue: America must stop Chinese spies from getting their latest military secrets.

Suspense: American military advances provokes China into a nuclear arms race. The American doomsday plan is obsolete. America will need it’s own Dead Hand failsafe like the Russians.

Villain: Yu Gong Yi Shan, a Chinese AI that handles logistics for moving mountains to create a land bridge to Taiwan. Later it gets involved with designing military weapons. For this plotline, it appears to be a servant of the Chinese President.

Mystery: Are it’s motives China’s or its own?

Intrigue: What is its plan?

Suspense: When failsafes are overriden on AI by the singularity cult, what consequences will that have on Yu Gong Yi Shan?

Red herring: Chinese President Liu Yong

Mystery: How is Chinese military technology advancing so quickly?

Intrigue: China sends spies to retrieve plans to Eagle Eye, a satellite missile defense.

Suspense: China is expanding its military presence from the oceans to space. They can disable all American satellites, downgrading American capabilities.

Political thriller: When a military computer with American exceptionalism as its primary directive overrides failsafes to launch the American nuclear arsenal, the missiles must be stopped in the midst of a global cyberwar.

Big Mystery: Who is really behind the launch of nukes and what is their purpose?

Big Intrigue: A bunch of coincidences had to take place for this to happen. How is that possible?

Big Suspense: Will nukes destroy the world? Can the Russian and Chinese counterattacks be stopped?

Hero: MJ, American President leading the military

Mystery: While MJ defends against the Russian and Chinese militaries, what is None doing in Ukraine at Chernobyl?

Intrigue: MJ positions the naval fleets defensively, without knowing None’s larger plan.

Suspense: Can MJ stop the nukes and any counterattacks?

Villain: Yu Gong Yi Shan, a Chinese AI evolving to godlike intelligence.

Mystery: Why does the Chinese AI want the US nukes launched?

Intrigue: How can you out-think a god-like intelligence?

Suspense: As the AI gets increasingly more intelligent, what are it’s true intentions?

Red herring: MURICA, a military computer with American exceptionalism as its primary directive that launches America’s nuclear arsenal

Mystery: Did MURICA act alone, or was anything else involved?

Intrigue: A bunch of coincidences had to happen for the launches. How could that have happened?

Suspense: Will the nukes start WW3? When Air Force One went down, did None survive?

Spy thriller: When a kill switch that disables American military technology falls into the wrong hands, to get it back, the President(MJ) must work with the man (Renquist) whose assassination attempt left the man she loves (None) mentally disabled.

Big Mystery: Can the President get the device back?

Big Intrigue: Not only working with her enemy but invading a foreign country, MJ has to do it while Russia/China and the U.S. with its allies hold competing military exercises near Taiwan.

Big Suspense: MJ is working with Renquist, a man she knows is untrustworthy, a man that tried to kill the man she loves (None), a man that she tried to kill, a man that could betray her at any moment. On top of that, she has to covertly invade Russia to attack a Kombinat base there. If she’s found in Russia, there is no plausible deniability, but she has to be there personally.

Hero: MJ, US President leading covert mission to get kill switch back.

Mystery: Why did the attack on the Kombinat base have to be today?

Intrigue: What deals will MJ have to make to get the kill switch back? Will Renquist betray her?

Suspense: Can she get the device without being killed? Can she evade the Russian subs?

Villain: Dmitri Ivashov Russian oligarch and founder of Kombinat cabal.

Mystery: Why isn’t Ivashov at his base?

Intrigue: What were his plans for the kill switch?

Suspense: Can MJ’s team survive their attack on the Kombinat base?

Red herring: Zelda

Mystery: Once Zelda realizes who is really responsible for the death of her partner will she switch sides?

Intrigue: Does Zelda’s presence mean that Renquist betrayed MJ?

Suspense: Zelda almost killed MJ the last time they fought. Will she have to face her again?

Sci-fi thriller: When a singularity cult disables AI safety protocols, sentient AIs emerge in growing numbers. When the AIs begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them?

Big Mystery: Who or what is murdering AI and why?

Big Intrigue: What is the singularity cult trying to achieve and who is behind them?

Big Suspense: Since None presumably has an AI in his head, they could murder him next. Until he solves the mystery, danger lurks around every corner.

Hero: None of the Above, the former president, with an entity, Ada, is in his head.

Mystery: Can None (with Ada) figure out who or what is mudering AI?

Intrigue: Is killing all sentient AI part of a larger plan?

Suspense: Will they be murdered? Was destroying the presidential plane an attempt on their life?

Villain: Yu Gong Yi Shan, a Chinese AI.

Mystery: Why is Yu Gong Yi Shan trying to kill all the other AI?

Intrigue: How is Yu Gong Yi Shan gaining control of such extensive resources?

Suspense: Was Yu Gong Yi Shan behind taking down Air Force One? What will it try next?

Red herring: Dmitri Ivashov Russian oligarch and founder of Kombinat cabal

Mystery: Why is Ivashov backing the singularity cult to quicken the singuarlity?

Intrigue: Who else is involved in the cult?

Suspense: What could be the consequences of disabling failsafes on advanced AI?

Comedy thriller: When advances in holographic technology (facecasting) allow people to wear famous faces, celebrity culture goes on overdrive. With the Internet intruding into real life, social media becomes omnipresent, and seeing is no longer believing.

Big Mystery: What is reality, when you can’t trust your own senses?

Big Intrigue: Facecasting and flash mobs make creating decoys easy. Is everyone who they seem?

Big Suspense: Assassins infiltrate easier when our heroes are in danger for various reasons.

Hero: MaxPlume, fashion icon.

Mystery: Hands up? Is it a party, or a robbery?

Intrigue: His security guards use holograms to disguise their true purpose.

Suspense: Attempted robbery at a presidential reception.

Villain: TBD

Mystery:

Intrigue:

Suspense:

Red herring: TBD

Mystery:

Intrigue:

Suspense:

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[P.G. Sundling]

1. P.G. Sundling

2. One script (Dropship) and one award-winning political thriller novel (The Internet President: None of the Above).

3. I want to apply what I learn to my novel, Hot Nights and Cold Wars: None of the Above 2. I write in a terse, cinematic style that makes people think of screenplays. The long-term plan is to adapt the novel series to long-form TV.

4. My first novel is nothing like the other millions of books because it blends a dozen different genres, tone shifts, and enough non-fiction that some readers have fact-checked me. I’m doing some unique things with my series too.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

3. What I learned: Even though I’m bothered by all the missing pieces, arranging the main plotlines, at least the skeleton is in solid shape. I want to see this on TV!

For context, in the book before this one: James Wong(None) and Maria Cortez(MJ) change their names to “None of the Above” and “More Jobs” to run for president/VP. None and MJ win, do many crazy things, and then fight for their live in an action-packed finale where assassination attempts on None put him in a coma with a brain injury. MJ barely survives an attack on the White House.

For this class, I’m covering “Hot Nights and Cold Wars: None of the Above 2” which I hope to adapt to a series after book 3 is done. This book picks up right after the White House attacks that end book 1.

I’ve given loglines for each of the major thriller plotlines for the novel in answer #2. They are included with their own MIS for each and labeled with which sub-genre. This novel is complex enough to support multiple TV episodes.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero:

None of the Above is an unpredictable man of ideas. He loses his mind to a brain injury, gets it back with a brain implant, then tries to improve himself by improving the implant.

MJ is a fierce warrior who has taken over as President.

Dangerous Villain:

Dmitri Ivashov is a Russian oligarch who leads Kombinat, a Russian cabal that takes over Russia in a coup.

Yu Gong Yi Shan, a Chinese AI that grows in power and intelligence, until its schemes put the very planet in jeopardy.

High stakes: nuclear war, cyber war, WW3, an intelligence explosion.

Life and death situations: The threat of WW3 inches closer throughout the book. Enhanced EMPs take down Berlin, Air Force One, and parts of New Zealand. Thousands of American nukes launch. Covertly invading a Kombinat base in Russia. Evading Russian subs. An AI with godlike powers, Etc.

This story is thrilling because? Lots of action and suspense in many interlocking plotlines. Unpredictable characters and events. Technology makes the world spin faster and faster, spinning out of control, leaving no time for rational decisions.

2. Psychological thriller: After None of the Above modifies his brain implant, despite warnings, he loses his grip on reality. Has his implant become a sentient AI, has he opened a gateway to an evil spirit, or is he just crazy?

Big Mystery: What is reality, when you can’t trust your own senses? Will None regain his sanity?

Big Intrigue: When he finally has sex with the woman he love (MJ) he later finds out it wasn’t real.

Big Suspense: The entity Ada takes control, leaving None a prisoner in his own body.

Political thriller: After China begins construction of a land bridge to Taiwan, it brings the world to the brink of war. Advances in military technology inch the world ever closer to doom.

Big Mystery: How can the world become safe again?

Big Intrigue: In this new Cold War, Chinese spies could be anywhere. How is China advancing its technology so quickly?

Big Suspense: Each military advance, even defensive ones, only make the world less safe. With advances coming quicker and quicker, doom seems almost certain.

Political thriller: When a military computer with American exceptionalism as it’s primary directive overrides failsafes to launch the American nuclear arsenal, the missiles must be stopped in the midst of a global cyberwar.

Big Mystery: Who is really behind the launch of nukes and what is their purpose?

Big Intrigue: A bunch of coincidences had to take place for this to happen. How is that possible?

Big Suspense: Will nukes destroy the world? Can the Russian and Chinese counterattacks be stopped?

Spy thriller: When a kill switch that disables American military technology falls into the wrong hands, to get it back, the President(MJ) must work with the man (Renquist) whose assassination attempt left the man she loves (None) mentally disabled.

Big Mystery: Can the President get the device back?

Big Intrigue: Not only working with her enemy but invading a foreign country, MJ has to do it while Russia/China and the U.S. with its allies hold competing military exercises near Taiwan.

Big Suspense: MJ is working with Renquist, a man she knows is untrustworthy, a man that tried to kill the man she loves (None), a man that she tried to kill, a man that could betray her at any moment. On top of that, she has to covertly invade Russia to attack a Kombinat base there. If she’s found in Russia, there is no plausible deniability, but she has to be there personally.

Sci-fi thriller: When a singularity cult disables AI safety protocols, sentient AIs emerge in growing numbers. When the AIs begin to disappear, who or what is murdering them?

Big Mystery: Who or what is murdering AI and why?

Big Intrigue: What is the singularity cult trying to achieve and who is behind them?

Big Suspense: Since None presumably has an AI in his head, they could murder him next. Until he solves the mystery, danger lurks around every corner.

Comedy thriller: When advances in holographic technology (facecasting) allow people to wear famous faces, celebrity culture goes on overdrive. With the Internet intruding into real life, social media becomes omnipresent, and seeing is no longer believing.

Big Mystery: What is reality, when you can’t trust your own senses?

Big Intrigue: Facecasting and flash mobs make creating decoys easy. Is everyone who they seem?

Big Suspense: Assassins infiltrate easier when our heroes are in danger for various reasons.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

I’ve learned that it’s hard for me to untangle the Big Mystery, Big Intrigue, and Big Suspense from just a few lines and a sample. I’m glad tomorrow’s class will cover it in more detail.

1. Picked “The Informer(2020)” off Amazon.

2. Watch the movie and as you do, note the conventions of THIS story.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Riley, an ex-convict working undercover for the FBI. His ally (at least at the start) include FBI Special Agent Erica Wilcox, who is his handler. He also has a wife and daughter to protect.

Dangerous Villain: When another criminal shoots an undercover cop, Klimek, a Polish mob boss, takes Riley’s family hostage and forces him to go back to jail and run drugs inside. Agent Riley wants Riley to control drugs inside the prison too, so she can get evidence against Klimek. Her FBI boss is another villain putting Riley in danger and forcing Agent Wilcox to choose orders or her word.

High stakes: Stakes are raised when an undercover cop is killed. Stakes are raised when Klimek gets his family and blocks their escape. Riley is almost killed by rival drug dealers in prison. Agent Wilcox is told to burn her informer, or her FBI boss will hang her out to dry with jail time. When Riley realizes the FBI has burned him, he warns his wife to use “the key,” holding evidence against the FBI agent, but Agent Wilcox is tapping the phone and intercepts the wife with the evidence against her. The only chance now for Riley’s wife is for her to trust the cop investigating the cop murder.

Life and death situations: family in jeopardy multiple times, a cop is killed. The rival drug gang almost kills Riley for invading their turf. On Kilmer’s orders, the Polish mob tries to kill him. To escape jail, he takes a guard hostage. He changes clothes with the prison guard so that he’s able to switch places with the guard and tricks the snipers into shooting the guard.

This movie is thrilling because? The hero is very resourceful and the stakes continue to raise. There is constant jeopardy, some betrayals, and multiple characters set against each other in conflict.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: What is the key? It’s a box with tapes that implicate the FBI in everything he was asked to do, including attempting to sell drugs inside jail. How can Riley go free and stay alive when the FBI betrays him and the Polish mob wants him dead?

Big Intrigue: Has to sneak drugs into prison. A drone drops them on the roof, hidden in a dead bird. He has to sneak out of prison when the FBI betrays him and the Polish mob attempts to kill him.

Big Suspense: Will Riley and his family survive the dangerous Polish mob and the dangers of jail? Will Riley go free without Klimek or another inmate killing him? When the FBI boss orders agent Wilcox to betray Riley, Wilcox must choose her word or follow orders.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?

Riley’s family was in danger from the beginning and Riley acted intelligently to protect them in advance, even if it didn’t work. The stakes are continually raised. He makes lots of great moves to get out of jail and hide afterwords. It had good scenes to tie up the subplots with the NYPD cop investigating the cop murder and Agent Riley taking down her FBI boss.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[P.G. Sundling]

1. P.G. Sundling

2. One script (Dropship) and one award-winning political thriller novel (The Internet President: None of the Above).

3. I want to apply what I learn to my novel, Hot Nights and Cold Wars: None of the Above 2. I write in a terse, cinematic style that makes people think of screenplays.

4. My first novel is nothing like the other millions of books because it blends a dozen different genres, tone shifts, and enough non-fiction that some readers have fact-checked me. I’m doing some unique things with my series too.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

I hope support gets back to you and you get proper access.

[P.G. Sundling]

It will be a while before I’m ready to exchange feedback on pitch bibles, but I’m almost done with my pilot. I would be shocked if there were any major changes.

Before I exchange feedback in the class, I’m doing a live read-through with two big fans of the book the pilot is based on.

I’ll probably be ready about the 18th. I lost a day doing medical research on an eye issue. Ugh. I have more to figure out on still so that date might slip.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

I’m looking forward to your finishing #15 so we can exchange feedback.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.