Peter Birdsong
Forum Replies Created
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Peter Birdsong’s Filled In Missing Scenes
(Fell behind because family was in town.)
What I learned: I certainly found some gaps in my screenplay. Places where time jumped too much, or perhaps the reader would not have been fully tracking what was going on.
I added two new sequences to pass the time spans and help the story along. One shows them reacting to the sudden death of Father/Husband. The second is a sequence taking them to the French boatyard to see the boat he had recently purchased.
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Peter Birdsong’s ACT 4 Resolution
What I Learned: My resolution is short, but it feels right, mostly. Definitely needs polish. Can’t believe I have finished a rough draft is such a short time! 80 pages!
EXT. B.V.I. MARINA – DAY
Carly’s sunhat shades her eyes as she watches Grant expertly maneuver Redeemer into her slip. Her only bag over her shoulder.
Grant notices her and waves with a friendly smile.
Laurel stands next to Carly.
Dock hands move around securing lines, while Grant does the same on the boat.
CARLY
This doesn’t–this won’t stop you from being the next CEO, will it?
LAUREL
I’m not going to be the next CEO.
Grant steps off of the boat and onto the dock.
GRANT
She sails beautifully.
They smile at him.
GRANT
What?
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly swings around the rigging, prepping LINES on her boat like a pro. She Reaches the helm and takes the wheel.
Her tan has darkened. Her hair is sun bleached. There are decorative BEADS lining a braid in her hair. Her whole attire shows the evidence of places visited. Had she been an islander in the south pacific, she might blend in entirely.
Ahead is a tall mountainous island, covered in jungle green and palm trees.
LAUREL
I never imagined I would finally visit Tahiti like this.
CARLY
What do you think it’s like?
LAUREL
Let’s find out.
Carly smiles, staring ahead. She pulls and adjusts lines, trimming the sails of her vessel.
CARLY (V.O.)
Mom and I sailed together for five years. In that time we rounded the world and then some. And though she returned to the land, I kept going. But she never left. She meets me at most ports, and still joins me on bigger crossings. We sometimes say it’s what Dad would have wanted. And that’s true. But it’s also what we have come to want.
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Peter Birdsong’s Act 4 Climax
What I Learned: I may have discovered a new or second theme for my story. There is a large grief element I have ignored in my characters. They are facing it now, but in my rewrite, I need to weave it into the story better.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY
Carly surveys the surroundings. Searching. She notices employees working. Ignoring her. She spots double doors that are shut.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Laurel sits at a table. Staff line either side. Papers and notes everywhere. A number of laptops are open. Laurel addresses her own laptop.
Laurel is listening to a voice over the laptop drone on about numbers and figures on the company. Marketing strategies.
The double doors click open. Laurel glances up. Carly freezes with the door half open. They make eye contact. Carly slips in and shuts the door.
Laurel looks back at her computer.
LAUREL
Okay. Lets get a stock-holders meeting on the calendar.
Carly moves to a seat at the side of the room and sits.
VOICE
That’s what I was thinking too.
LAUREL
Lacey?
LACEY
It’s a good call. It could help instill confidence.
VOICE
We’re two months away form the vote. They need to see who’s keeping the ship right.
Carly stands up keeping her eyes on her mother. Lacey looks over at her questioning.
LAUREL
Is Grant back yet?
LACEY
I haven’t seen him.
LAUREL
He’s obviously not so worried.
Carly walks to the other end of the table. Laurel watches her. The staff look at Carly.
VOICE
The board is concerned. They think everything will be fine, but they want to see how this is handled.
(beat)
Laurel?
Laurel lets out a sigh.
LAUREL
Excuse me for a minute.
She shuts her laptop and stands.
LAUREL
Everyone out.
The staff look at each other confused. Lacey is the first to finally stand.
LACEY
Everyone? Out.
They each stand looking as confused as ever. One by one, they file out of the room, and the door latches behind them.
Laurel plops back down in her seat.
CARLY
Even on vacation they have their teeth in you.
LAUREL
I’ve never taken a vacation.
(beat)
That’s not true. Your dad and I. We went to a town for the weekend before you were born. In the mountains out west. I remember the little bed and breakfast nestled in a small mining town completely snowed in for the weekend. I can’t remember the name of the town. It’s lost forever.
CARLY
Minturn.
LAUREL
(tears welling)
What?
CARLY
You stayed in Minturn, Colorado. It was your five year anniversary. You and he stayed up all night together. It snowed a foot and you both dreamed that you could be trapped there together for the winter.
Laurel wipes a tear from her eye.
LAUREL
How can you know that?
CARLY
He told me. It was his favorite memory with you.
(beat)
I finally know why he bought the boat. He wanted us to make new memories.
LAUREL
I miss him.
CARLY
I know. I do too. Which is why I’m here.
LAUREL
What is it?
CARLY
I-I need a loan.
LAUREL
A loan?
CARLY
To buy dad’s boat. Mom. I want to buy Dad’s boat from you.
Laurel’s eyes well with tears. She can’t hold it in any longer. She’s just able to nod approval.
Carly walks to her and hugs her. Deeply. They hold each other, mother and daughter.
LAUREL
I’m so proud of you.
CARLY
Mom. I want you to come sailing with me.
LAUREL
Okay.
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Peter Birdsong’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I Learned: My story has evolved — and improved — so much during this process. Breaking down this final act has helped me “zoom out” and see the bigger picture before I write. This way of doing it has made the writing process so much easier for me.
TP 3 – LOW POINT:
Land Ho! They see land and realize the trip is soon over
Arriving at the marina her mother’s staff is waiting
The new boat owner takes over.
REACT to TP3:
Carly lays in her room thinking.
Her phone charges and she receives a slew of notifications. She ignores them
Leaving her phone she walks out.
Faces Dilemma:
She sits on a bench, wearing her sun hat, watching the sailboats in the marina.
A dock hand recognizes her and asked for help mooring a boat.
Being friendly, he asks her which boat is hers.
Int. Hotel room – day
Carly lays on her back in bed. Wrapped in a towel. Hair still wet. Staring at her COMPASS.
Laurel walks into the room, and hands her a note.
LAUREL
Here’s the wifi password.
CaRLY
My phone’s dead.
LAUREL
I’ll just set this over here, then.
Carly continues staring at her compass.
CARLY
Did he take the boat out?
Laurel walks over to the window overlooking the marina and pulls the shade aside.
LAUREL
Looks like it.
(beat)
Grant’s an experienced sailor. I’m sure Redeemer is in good hands.
Carly
It’s his boat.
LAUREL
Listen, I’ll be in a meeting for the next little while. They gave us a private conference room downstairs. So, if you need something…
Laurel looks at her. Carly doesn’t respond. Laurel heads for the door.
Laurel
Look. I’ve got you on a flight back home tomorrow. First class.
CaRLY
You aren’t coming?
LauREL
I’ve been asked to rally the troops in Oregon.
(beat)
It will only be a few days.
CaRLY
Back to normal, I guess.
LauREL
Back to normal. Yeah.
Laurel leaves and the door latches shut. Carly rotates the compass in her hand.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Carly plugs in her phone, and lays it on a table.
INT. BAthroom – MOMENTS LATER
Carly, dressed casual for the islands, ties her hair back. She looks at her face in the mirror. She’s tan. She rubs her face, examining how it’s so different than before.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
DING. Carly walks to her phone. She swipes it open. 104 unread text messages. Her social media, even more notifications.
She looks at her phone blankly.
A sharp WHISTLE from outside draws her focus. She walks to the window and peeks out. She can see two dock hands working lines so close to her, as a large sailboat slips into the marina.
She watches lines being tossed and caught. The skipper expertly piloting the large vessel.
EXT. B.V.I. MARINA – DAY
Carly stands by looking at the new arrival. Much closer this time. The skipper, a white-haired man in his 50s, pops up from below. DONALD notices Carly, and waves a friendly hand.
Donald
How do you do?
CarLY
I was admiring your boat.
DonALD
Thank you! We’ve been all over together.
As Donald climbs out, shirtless and far more tan than Carly, a woman (50s) appears. This is KATH.
Kath
Hello!
CARLY
Hi. You’re American?
DONALD
Officially. Haven’t been to the states in—how long, Kath?
KATH
Oh gee. Not since the kid’s wedding last year.
CaRLY
You have kids?
Kath emerges. She dressed for summer, and looks as though she only ever dresses for summer. She relaxed. Her hair is sun kissed and allowed it’s freedom to do whatever it has a mind to do.
KaTH
All grown up sweetheart. It’s just Donald and I now.
Donald moves around the boat like an expert. No doubt he could walk it blindfolded. He stows line and cleans the deck.
KATH
What’s your name?
CARLY
Carly.
KaTH
Are you from here?
CARLY
Pittsburg.
KaTH
Oh. So vacationing?
CARLY
Not really. Is that a ketch?
Donald grins.
DOnALD
Are you a sailor?
CARLY
I-well, my mom and I, we sailed here, but I haven’t—
Kath
You are! Which boat is yours?
Carly hesitates.
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Peter Birdsong’s Completed Act 3
What I learned: I need index cards. When I take myself through this again next time, I will use index cards to sort out my scenes.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly stands next to the mast looking up the length towering above her. The book is closed in her hand, a finger stuck inside marking a page.
She opens it quickly. Reads.
Eyes back on the mast. At the top she notices the ANEMOMETER spinning. Her hair kicks up on a small gust of air.
Carly looks in the direction of the wind.
Eyes back to the book. She slams the book shut, and moves to the helm.
She holds her hands up defining to herself the direction of the boat and the wind.
CARLY
(to herself)
Broad reach. We’re going to do a broad reach.
She retrieves a HAND CRANK from under the seat.
CARLY
(to herself)
I hope.
She attaches the crank to one of the WINCHES.
CARLY
(to herself)
Do I raise the mainsail or position the boom first?
(beat)
Screw it. Mainsail.
She CRANKS! CLICK-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K!
Carly watches the material rise smoothly up the mast. As it does, wind catches it in each section causing it to billow out like a sheet in a summer breeze.
The winch CLICKS on final time. Carly moves to a second winch and cranks! CLICK-K-K-K-K-K-K!
The mainsail BOOM pivots off the MAST sending its end off the port-side of the vessel.
The MAINSAIL swells! Carly look at the display.
Display: 3 KNOTS
CARLY
The jib.
Carly moves to a third winch. She grabs a line, double checks where it runs, and quickly wraps the line around a winch.
She grabs a second line. She studies it in her hand, and follows its path with her eyes. She drops it and chooses another. Following it’s path she sees the line continue to the bow.
CARLY
This has to be it. The hell do it know.
She pulls the line around the winch as she gives slack to the second line. The winch smoothly GRINDS effortlessly feeding more line to her as she pulls.
Ahead, a triangular SHEET unfurls off the BOW. As it grows it reaches to the top of the mast.
The line becomes taught, and Carly secures it.
She look up at the sails. The JIB sail hangs limp, its corners flapping. Carly frowns.
Carly takes the WHEEL and turns. The boat yaws in the water, and the jib suddenly fills with wind!
DISPLAY: 8 KNOTS
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN – DAY
The catamaran races on the surface of the ocean.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly engages the autopilot. The wheel takes over on its on. Carly sits back and crosses her arms. She watches satisfied.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly looks at the display at the NAV STATION. Studying their position closely.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Carly lifts her mattress and pulls out her map. She unfolds the Atlantic Ocean and draws an “X.” She stares at her map looking at the previous X’s marked along their route.
She opens the map further. The Mediterranean. She opens more. Carly pushes her pillows out of the way and spreads the map wide on her bed.
She stands over it turning her CHEAP COMPASS in her hand. There was the Indian Ocean. The islands of the South Pacific. The Caribbean. Their trip suddenly seemed so small.
EXT. OCEAN – DAY
The fishing line dips suddenly.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly watches the waves through the window, still turning her CHEAP COMPASS in her fingers.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The reel on the rod CLICK. Then… ZZZZZZZZZ!
The line takes off!
INT. SALON
ZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Carly shoots her gaze at the line.
CARLY
Oh my God. Mom? MOM!
She rushes for the doors.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly makes it to the rod, and looks it over confused. She looks out into the water. The line shoots off sideways suddenly!
Carly darts back into…
INT. SALON
And quickly moves down the steps to her mother’s cabin.
BANG BANG! She knocks!
CARLY
Hey!
The door swings open. Laurel looks confused and tired. Carly is taken back for a minute.
CARLY
Hey.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
What? Oh… fish. FISH!
Laurel’s eyes go wide and she pushes past daughter!
I/E. YACHT
Laurel runs to the rod as the line spools out!
CARLY
I’ll take the wheel.
LAUREL
Are you sure?
CARLY
Yes! Set the hook this time!
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
I don’t know, I read it. I figured you’d know!
LAUREL
No!
Laurel locks the reel and it SNAPS to a stop. She begins to work the reel. Laurel screams trying to reel it in!
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
It’s heavy! Damn heavy! Help me!
CARLY
What about the boat?
LAUREL
Forget it! Help!
Carly runs down to her mother.
CARLY
What do I do?
Laurel turns the crank but it’s slow going.
CARLY
Don’t lose it.
LAUREL
What do you think I’m trying to do?
CARLY
Okay! Okay.
Laurel pulls on the crank, but she can barely get it to budge!
LAUREL
I can’t. It’s too heavy.
CARLY
Give it slack.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
I’ve seen that before. Give it slack and then reel.
LAUREL
Get behind the rail.
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
We’re going to do this together and I don’t want this thing pulling us into the water.
Carly braces herself against the rail, and grabs hold of the rod. Laurel lifts the rod out of it’s bracket and the whole things jerks hard!
They hold on, screaming against the strength of their catch!
LAUREL
Pull!
They pull together, and then loosen reeling line in as they do.
LAUREL
Again!
They pull! Carly bracing her stance wide. They relax and Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Keep going!
They tug!
Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Again!
PULL! REEL!
CARLY
We’re doing it!
LAUREL
Pull!!
They pull again! The fish jumps!
CARLY
Holy shit!!
LAUREL
I know!! PULL!
They pull together! Laurel reels as fast as she can!
CARLY
The net!
LAUREL
I don’t think it’s going to fit!
They pull again and Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Grab the gaff.
CARLY
The what?
LAUREL
Pull!
They pull again!
LAUREL
See that poll with the hook mounted to the rail?
Carly reaches for it, and Laurel feels the rod slip!
LAUREL
Wait!
Carly grabs her mother and the rod.
CARLY
What’s the plan?
LAUREL
I’m not losing this rod. It was expensive.
CARLY
One of us has to let go!
LAUREL
Move back to the bracket. On three. One. Two. Three.
Together they shuffle back to the bracket and push the rod inside locking it in place.
Carly grabs the GAFF of the rail. Studying the hook on the end…
CARLY
I’m afraid to ask.
The fish is close. They see it fighting the line not ten feet off the boat.
LAUREL
Well… you need to step down there and pull the fish onboard.
CARLY
How!?
LAUREL
You stab it with the hook.
CARLY
WHAT!?
LAUREL
Or you can reel it in closer.
Carly looks at the rod, then the gaff. There’s a lanyard on the handle. She loops it around her wrist.
CARLY
I can do this.
Carly steps down to the starboard aft. She’s just over the water now. The fish dragging just out of reach.
CARLY
I can do this.
LAUREL
Get ready!
CARLY
Shit… I’m going to do this.
Carly extends the gaff and hits the water. Miss!
CARLY
Closer!
LAUREL
(grunting)
Trying!
Carly tries again. Splash! MISS!
CARLY
I can’t reach it! We’re going to lose it!
Carly reaches and slams the gaff down! It smacks and jerks in her hand.
CARLY
I got it. I GOT IT!
The gaff goes wild and Carly grabs hold with both hands.
LAUREL
Pull!!
Carly summons every bit of upper-body strength she owns and hauls onboard the largest fish the two have ever seen!
They both breathe a sign of relief. The mahi-mahi flops and Carly SCREAMS!
Laurel sinks to the deck breathing hard and leaning against the boat.
LAUREL
Drag it up here.
Carly stumbles to her feet and began to pull the large fish up to the main deck.
Laurel pulls herself up and walks to the doors.
INT. SALON
Laurel opens a drawer and retrieves a long knife.
I/E. YACHT
Laurel emerges, knife in hand.
CARLY
What are you going to do?
LAUREL
You’re going to-uh-you’re going to make a deep cut just behind the–
CARLY
The hell I am!
LAUREL
Well! Are you just going to let it lay there and die?
CARLY
I had considered it! Why don’t you do the-the deep cut thing?
LAUREL
I reeled it in.
CARLY
I hauled it in!
LAUREL
And now you can finish the job.
Laurel holds the knife out to Carly. The fish FLOPS near her feet.
CARLY
I’m not cooking or cutting it up.
LAUREL
Fine.
CARLY
Fine.
Laurel is still holding the knife.
LAUREL
Carly.
CARLY
OKAY! Okay…
She takes the knife.
CARLY
Where?
LAUREL
Just behind the head. You’re severing the spin.
CARLY
Have you–have you done this?
LAUREL
Of course not. The man who sold the rod told me.
Carly leans down. The fish jumps causing Carly to SCREAM and jump up!
CARLY
Shit! Shit! Shit!
LAUREL
We’re going to talk about your unladylike language later.
CARLY
Oh like THIS is lady like!
Carly bends down again. She’s close now. She positions the knife… and pushes. The blade sinks deep and the fish relaxes.
BLOOD flows onto the deck.
CARLY
Jesus! This. Is. Disgusting.
(beat)
There. Done.
Carly looks up and sees her mother with her hands over her face.
CARLY
You’re hiding!?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry.
(beat)
Nice work!
INT. SALON – NIGHT
A fully cooked fish filet steams on a plate in front of Carly.
She cuts into it and forks a bite. She slowly puts it into her mouth.
LAUREL
Better than beans.
Carly’s eyes roll up as she relishes the taste.
CARLY
Much.
Laurel holds her glass up. Carly pauses mid-chew and looks at her questioningly.
LAUREL
Our first fish.
Carly considers this for a moment. She take her glass and DINGS her mom’s.
They both drink.
CARLY
I took your book.
LAUREL
Oh?
Carly studies her.
CARLY
You didn’t notice?
LAUREL
Yes.
CARLY
I’m just thinking… we both have places we’re trying to get to.
Laurel sips her drink, but remains silent.
CARLY
If I help, maybe… Maybe we’ll get this trip done and we can both get where we want to go.
LAUREL
To California?
CARLY
Yeah. Well, and you your big CEO job.
Laurel considers this. She feigns a smile and raises her glass. Carly raises hers.
LAUREL
Sounds like a deal.
CARLY
Okay.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Carly has the book open in front of her. She has a sailing LINE in her hand and she’s turning it to form a loop. Studying the book closely, she snakes the other end around, and then through. She pulls it tight in a perfect bowline knot.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly sits at the NAV STATION studying the digital chart on the screen. She looks back at the book, then the chart again. She takes down a note in the book, and underlines some text.
She heres a noise and looks up through the sunroof that gives her a view of the mainsail above. She watches it noticing the top-quarter fluttering.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly stands at the helm watching the sail above. She touches the wheel. Then, she gently takes hold.
Carly looks upward again, and then at the horizon. She breathes and looks at the sail again.
Carly turns the wheel. It easy, and it responds to her. The boat yaws port and the flapping of the sail becomes louder!
Carly turns starboard. The sail fills out completely.
She hangs on keeping the course straight on its new direction.
She taps the computer to re-engage the auto-pilot. The boat steer port returning to it’s original heading.
The mainsail begins to flap.
Carly inspects the lines leading up the boat to the mast. She opens the book.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Barefoot and at the base of the mast, Carly continues to inspect how things are setup. She frequently looks back at the book and then the mast again.
She slams the book shut and moves carefully back to the helm station. She grabs a single line and pulls.
The sail responds moving the BOOM slightly. The mainsail fills completely and the flapping stops.
Satisfied, she locks down the line.
LAUREL
Hey.
Her mother stands in the opening to the Salon.
CARLY
Hey.
LAUREL
You good?
CARLY
All good.
Laurel glances around a little as if checking to be sure.
LAUREL
Okay.
Laurel makes a move to head back inside.
CARLY
I… thought I could take a shift.
LAUREL
That would be great.
CARLY
Yeah?
LAUREL
You know what to do?
CARLY
I think so. Watch the sails. Watch other boats. Make sure we’re pointed the right way. Anything else?
LAUREL
That’s about all I know too. If you learn something new, please share.
CARLY
Okay.
Laurel disappears into the salon. Carly turns her attention back to the helm. She takes a seat.
It’s hers now.
CARLY
Okay.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN – DAY
The blue waters stretch endlessly in every direction. The 45 foot catamaran, small on the water, moves effortlessly over the waves.
I/E. YACHT – SUNSET
Carly stands near the front of the boat, watching the sun just kiss the horizon. Her hair flows free in the wind.
Ocean spray occasionally hits her face, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
At the helm, Laurel watches her daughter.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Carly practicing her knots. The book is open next to her. Fresh notes written in the margins.
The only light is the glow of the red nightlight in the cabin. The engines HUM as the catamaran motors on in the night.
Something catches her eye. Carly stands and peers through one of the windows, watching the black horizon.
LIGHTNING. It’s quite a ways off.
She sits near the window and watches. Another FLASH. This one maybe further away, just over the horizon line.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly opens the SAIL LOCKER.
INT. SAIL LOCKER – CONTINUOUS
Carly drops inside and looks at the large bag in front of her.
LABEL: SPINNAKER
She pulls the bag by it’s handle, and shoves it up through the open hatch.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly climbs out. She stretches the bag across the boat’s trampolines, finds the zipper, and pulls.
ZZZZZZIIIIPP. The industrial strength zipper grinds along its teeth down the bag revealing a purple SHEET inside.
Carly steps up and runs to her book. Opening to a page she has bookmarked she studies it closely.
She jumps bag to the sail bag and grabs a corner of the purple sheet. She attaches it to a point and feeds it around the JIB.
I/E. YATCH – MOMENTS LATER
Carly steps to the helm and feeds a line into one of the winches. She retrieves a CRANK from storage under her seat and attaches it to the winch.
KLAK-K-K-K-K-K! She spins the winch.
Ahead… the purple sheet rises along the front of the boat. It’s top corner climbs higher and higher.
The sheet unfolds and fills with wind becoming a magnificent display of wind power! It billows out wide casting a purple hue on the yacht itself.
Carly moves to the controls and hits a BUTTON. The JIB SAIL responds rolling up to the bow and disappearing into itself.
Carly tugs and loosens lines, making proper adjustments to the new sail.
INT. SALON – SAME
Laurel watches the sail through the window. The beauty of it has captivated her. A glimmer of a smile, and perhaps pride, can be seen on her face.
She sips the hot mug in her hand.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly takes hold of the WHEEL and switches off the auto-pilot. She looks at the compass, then the sails.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN – DAY
The catamaran sails over the waters, its purple spinnaker sail glowing under the afternoon sun.
I/E. YACHT – SUNSET
Laurel emerges from the Salon; a fish FILET on a plate in hand.
She hands it up to Carly who sits at the wheel. Carly accepts and takes a large bite of the fish.
LAUREL
The wind is starting to taper off.
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
Maybe we should switch to the other sail before it gets dark?
CARLY
Jib.
LAUREL
Jib.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
The sun sits just over the horizon. Carly works a wench and the purple sail lowers to the boat’s bow.
Laurel stands at the front collecting it as best she can as it comes down.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
They work together rolling the sail into a tight bundle. Carly opens the sail bag and they begin to shove the sail inside.
INT. SAIL LOCKER – MOMENTS LATER
Carly pushes the bag into it’s proper spot; taking extra care of the storage space and where it should rest.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
The sun is all but gone. Laurel is wearing a HEADLAMP that illuminates the boat.
LAUREL
Take a break. We can run the motor for a while.
Carly moves along the side of the boat and leaps up to the helm. She presses and holds a button and the engines come to life. She engages the throttle and sets the auto pilot computer.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Carly and Laurel sit on the couch drinking red wine.
CARLY
We broke up.
LAUREL
No! When?
CARLY
Like, three weeks ago.
LAUREL
Oh. I’m sorry. I liked that boy.
CARLY
Don’t be sorry. I dumped him.
LAUREL
Oh. I’m sorry for him.
CARLY
(joking)
Well, yes. His loss.
They look at each other, then laugh!
LAUREL
Want to tell me what happened?
CARLY
Eh. Doesn’t matter.
They sit in silence. Laurel sips her wine.
CARLY
Was Dad always… could you trust him?
LAUREL
More than anyone.
Carly considers this for a moment.
CARLY
I guess you would have to being that you were gone so much.
That stung. Laurel swallows.
CARLY
Busy, I mean.
LAUREL
Yeah.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
The boat bobs on a wave. A ROPE laying loose on the deck moves. It’s end hangs over the edge touching the water.
The boat kicks on a wave again, and the rope’s end slips into the water. The weight slowly pulls on the whole line.
It goes fast, snaking off the deck and into the current below dragging to the rear of the boat.
EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Like a sea snake, the line slips along the hull, it’s end aimed directly for the spinning prop.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
THE ENGINE STOPS SUDDENLY!
Carly looks to the windows curiously.
CARLY
What happened?
LAUREL
I don’t know.
They stand and move to the doors.
CARLY
I’ll restart it.
Carly grabs a light and CLICKS it on.
Laurel relaxes back onto the couch as her daughter steps outside.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
Carly presses the button at the helm. The starter turns but nothing happens.
She tries again.
Nothing.
Carly lets out a breath, and tries a third time.
CARLY
Come on…
Nothing.
CARLY
It’s a brand new boat.
LAUREL
What’s up?
CARLY
I don’t know. It just won’t start.
LAUREL
Did you try–
CARLY
The only thing I know to try is to try starting it.
LAUREL
There’s a breeze, we could just go back to the wind.
CARLY
Yeah. Okay.
LAUREL
We’ll sort it out in the morning, when we have light.
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
It will be fine tonight.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Carly stands on the bow holding a line taught in her hands.
LAUREL
Are you sure?
CARLY
What else would explain it. This thing is wrapped around our propeller engine thing.
LAUREL
Propeller engine thing.
CARLY
Mom. This is serious.
LAUREL
Okay.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
The boat sits on almost glass ocean water. Both sails are down and the boat is technically adrift.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Laurel rushes out from the Salon, KNIFE in hand.
LAUREL
Don’t let the rest fall in.
CARLY
I’ve got it.
Laurel cuts the rope free near her hand. Carly, holding the end leading into the water, walks it back to the rear of the boat.
LAUREL
I’ve got the rest.
Laurel wraps up the line remaining and stores it as it should have been.
Caryl reaches the rear of the boat and tugs.
CARLY
It won’t budge!
Laurel arrives and grabs hold with her.
LAUREL
Like the fish. PULL!
They pull in unison, but the line doesn’t give. Laurel moves close to the water and lays prone on the swim deck. Her face can almost touch the water.
She grabs the line in the water and tries working it in different directions.
Carly holds the limp end helplessly.
CARLY
Shit. We’re stuck.
LAUREL
Don’t panic.
CARLY
I’m not. I’m pissed.
LAUREL
Don’t do that either. Let’s just breath.
CARLY
Don’t tell me to breath. Look where we are! Unless you have a way to MAKE WIND, we’re stuck! STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!
Laurel stares at the line leading into the water. She rolls up to a sitting position and looks up at the sky.
CARLY
I have to be home in ten days. Not the islands. HOME! I can see the headline: “Midland High’s Prom Queen Lost At Sea.”
Laurel continues staring at the sky.
CARLY
HELLO!?
(beat)
Mom?
Laurel wipes her eye.
CARLY
Are you okay?
LAUREL
I’m tired.
Carly sits on a step leading down to where her mother is sitting.
LAUREL
This is the most peace I’ve felt in years.
Carly relaxes. They float in silence listening to the small waves lap the underside of the vessel.
LAUREL
I’m sorry.
CARLY
For what?
LAUREL
I didn’t know you were the prom queen.
CARLY
Well. I’m not. Not yet. A girl can dream right?
LAUREL
I’m still sorry.
The waves slap the boat gently.
CARLY
I know.
Laurel stands.
LAUREL
Grab your swimsuit.
Carly sits up.
CARLY
What? Why?
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel stands next to her daughter, both in swimsuits. Laurel hands her a pair of goggles, and a line.
LAUREL
Tie yourself off.
CARLY
I cannot believe I’m about to do this.
Laurel picks up a knife, the same used to skin their fish.
LAUREL
It will be a great story to tell.
CARLY
What about sharks
LAUREL
If you see a shark, get out.
CARLY
Great.
Laurel moves down to the swim deck. She holds a line tied around her waist.
LAUREL
We’ll do this in shifts. Trade back and forth. I’ll go down first. When I come up, you go in. Keep cutting.
(off her look)
We can do this.
CARLY
(nods)
I know.
LAUREL
Okay then.
Laurel steps to the edge.
CARLY
Wait.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
Do you know how deep it is?
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
How deep the water is?
LAUREL
Deep!
CARLY
Did you check?
LAUREL
No!
CARLY
Why not?
LAUREL
Because I don’t want to know either!
Laurel steps forward and plunges into the water. She comes up right away.
Carly moves down to the swim deck, holding her own safety line in a tight grip.
CARLY
Well?
LAUREL
It’s cold. Let’s hurry this up.
Carly slips into the water much more slowly. Carly lets out a noise through her teeth as the cold water wraps her body.
CARLY
The knife?
LAUREL
Got it. Back in a minute.
EXT. UNDERWATER – DAY
Laurel goes under and immediately heads for the prop. Sure enough, the line is a tightly wound mess.
She pulls free the loose parts and starts cutting.
As she saws at it, a part of the line splits free. Laurel pushes off and heads to the surface.
EXT. OCEAN – DAY
Laurel comes up blowing out a huge volume of air. She hands the knife to Carly.
LAUREL
Be careful. And, don’t drop the knife.
CARLY
Right.
Carly dives under.
EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
Carly follows the hull’s contours and reaches the prop. She pulls on the line and then cuts at it. She slides the knife back and forth working a chunk of the line free.
She pulls on the frays and it untangles. She pushes off and heads for the surface.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Carly comes up for air.
CARLY
It’s working. Just a bit more left.
Laurel takes the knife and dives under.
EXT. UNDERWATER
Laurel reaches the prop and starts sawing at the torn line again. The last bit loosens and the rope drifts free of the prop.
Laurel looks it over, and then pushes off.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Laurel comes up.
LAUREL
Got it!
CARLY
Thank God!
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly hoists herself up onto the boat. She turns and takes the knife from her mother. Setting the knife aside, she pulls her mother from the water.
Teeth CHATTERING, Carly heads to the helm.
CARLY
Here we go!
She presses the buttons. The starter turns and the engine comes to life!
CARLY
YES!!!
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Unhindered, the catamaran sails on.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly and Laurel lay on the bow. Carly’s sunhat over her face.
CARLY
You wanted to do this, didn’t you.
Laurel props herself up to look at her daughter. Her eyes studying her own. She lays back.
LAUREL
I thought…
CARLY
You thought it would connect you to Dad.
Laurel summons a nod.
CARLY
He would have loved this.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Serene. Blue. The only sound is the most relaxing mix of air and waves. The type of ambiance others may recreate digitally for a good night’s sleep.
The Catamaran is so small on the vastness of the ocean, and yet it dominates the waves and commands the wind to carry it forward.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly emerges from her side of the yacht rubbing sleep from her eyes. She notices the doors are open, and the KUERIG is on.
A mug and an unopened tea bag sits next to it. She looks up through the sunroof and sees the mainsail is out.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Hot MUG in hand, Carly steps into the cockpit and up to the helm where she finds her mother, relishing the morning air.
Carly gestures to her mug.
CARLY
Thanks.
Laurel smiles.
CARLY
How’s the boat?
LAUREL
She good.
Laurel nods forward, beckoning Carly to look. Carly looks ahead.
LAND. Just poking over the hazing horizon the peak of a small island.
CARLY
Wow. We did it.
LAUREL
We did.
They sail in silence, marveling over the sight before them. The end of their journey now lies ahead. The ocean, it’s memories, behind them.
LAUREL
Grant will be there. You should straighten up your cabin. We’ll stay in the hotel tonight.
They watch the water together. The sails. Listen to the light waves.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The sails are stowed. The engines PURR. Carly, barefoot, moves across the bow deploying fenders tied to knots she expertly formed.
Yachts in their slips surround them as Laurel pilots the boat slowly through a Marina.
Ahead, Carly sees their own slip. She can see a few people standing on the dock that stand out from the tanned dockworkers moving about. Dressed all too American.
Carly moves back to the helm next to Laurel. Her mom sees them too.
LAUREL
You want dock?
CARLY
Yeah?
LAUREL
Sure. I’ll spot for you.
CARLY
(concerned)
But what if–
LAUREL
You’ll be fine.
Laurel steps aside making room for her daughter. Carly takes the wheel.
LAUREL
Put your other hand on the throttles. You can steer by these pushing one over the other.
CARLY
Got it.
LAUREL
Keep it slow. The wind is out of the south. That should make it a little easier.
Carly fully takes the helm. Her eyes watch the bow of the boat. Laurel looks on giving her daughter space.
LAUREL
I’ll throw the lines.
Laurel moves tot he bow and begins to prep lines at each corner of the boat.
Laurel steps to the starboard bow, LINE in hand. She nods to the Americans standing on the dock.
LAUREL
Hi Grant. Lacey.
GRANT
(smiles)
Laurel. Good to see you. It’s a beautiful vessel.
Laurel tosses him the line.
LAUREL
Yes she is. Hi Lacey.
LACEY
You got some sun.
Grant takes the line and wraps it professionally around a nearby cleat. A DOCK HAND runs across grabbing a second line from Laurel on the port side.
Carly watches them secure the boat. She cuts the throttle and moves to the starboard aft. She grabs a line and turns to see Grant standing there with an empty hand ready to take the line.
GRANT
You must be Carly.
(beat)
Grant Donavan. I’ve heard a lot about you.
Carly hands him the line and he secures it quickly on a cleat. Grant point to the other end of the line.
GRANT
You’ll want to tighten that end up.
Carly looks down and pulls the line. She wraps it a few times.
GRANT
Permission to come aboard?
CARLY
Yeah. Sure.
Grant steps on board. He eyes the surroundings.
GRANT
Thanks for taking such good care of her.
Carly nods awkwardly.
GRANT
Well, I’m sure you both need to get some rest. We’re set up in the hotel just over there.
(to Carly)
And yes, they have wifi.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – MOMENTS LATER
Carly ZIPS her bag shut, and throws the straps over her shoulder. She smooths the sheets on the bed, and stops. She lifts the mattress and retrieves her map and compass. She turns the compass over in her hand.
Biting her lip, she sets it on the bed. She stares at it for a moment, and then walks out.
The compass, abandoned, rests neatly on the made bed.
The door swings open and Carly darts in, grabs the compass, and races out.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly emerges greeted by Grant and her Mother.
LAUREL
Got everything?
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
Mr. Donavan is going to take it for a demo cruise this afternoon.
GRANT
Not far. Just out from the marina where I can open the sails.
LAUREL
He’s asked if you would care to go.
CARLY
You aren’t going?
LAUREL
I have a conference call setup this afternoon.
GRANT
No rest for our future CEO.
CARLY
(to Grant)
I’ll pass.
LAUREL
You sure?
GRANT
It’s fine. I’ll manage.
Carly, bag over her shoulder, carrying her heels in the other hand, steps onto the dock barefoot. She stumbles a bit, and Lacey quickly grabs her.
LACEY
Sea legs?
CARLY
I guess so.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Carly lays on her back in bed. Wrapped in a towel. Hair still wet. Staring at the ceiling.
Laurel walks into the room, and hands her a note.
LAUREL
Here’s the wifi password.
CARLY
My phone’s dead.
LAUREL
I’ll just set this over here then.
Carly continues staring at the ceiling.
CARLY
Did he take the boat out?
Laurel walks over to the window overlooking the marina.
LAUREL
Looks like it.
(beat)
Listen, I’ll be in a meeting for the next little while. They gave us a private conference room downstairs. So, if you need something.
Laurel looks at her. Carly doesn’t respond. Laurel heads for the door.
LAUREL
We’re on the first flight out tomorrow morning.
Laurel leaves and the door latches shut.
-
Peter Birdsong’s ACT 3 Turning Point
What I learned: I’m still learning and enjoying the benefits of writing without all of the answers. I’ve moved on past areas that would have hung me up for days in the past. Today is the first day I feel really good about where this draft is going. I’m anxious for my first rewrite. The script is also still a bit light, but not bad. The draft might top out at 90 pages.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Serene. Blue. The only sound is the most relaxing mix of air and waves. The type of ambiance others may recreate digitally for a good night’s sleep.
The Catamaran is so small on the vastness of the ocean, and yet it dominates the waves and commands the wind to carry it forward.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly emerges from her side of the yacht rubbing sleep from her eyes. She notices the doors are open, and the KUERIG is on.
A mug and an unopened tea bag sits next to it. She looks up through the sunroof and sees the mainsail is out.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Hot MUG in hand, Carly steps into the cockpit and up to the helm where she finds her mother, relishing the morning air.
Carly gestures to her mug.
CARLY
Thanks.
Laurel smiles.
CARLY
How’s the boat?
LAUREL
She good.
Laurel nods forward, beckoning Carly to look. Carly looks ahead.
LAND. Just poking over the hazing horizon the peak of a small island.
CARLY
Wow. We did it.
LAUREL
We did.
They sail in silence, marveling over the sight before them. The end of their journey now lies ahead. The ocean, it’s memories, behind them.
LAUREL
Grant will be there. You should straighten up your cabin. We’ll stay in the hotel tonight.
They watch the water together. The sails. Listen to the light waves.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The sails are stowed. The engines PURR. Carly, barefoot, moves across the bow deploying fenders tied to knots she expertly formed.
Yachts in their slips surround them as Laurel pilots the boat slowly through a Marina.
Ahead, Carly sees their own slip. She can see a few people standing on the dock that stand out from the tanned dockworkers moving about. Dressed all too American.
Carly moves back to the helm next to Laurel. Her mom sees them too.
LAUREL
You want dock?
CARLY
Yeah?
LAUREL
Sure. I’ll spot for you.
CARLY
(concerned)
But what if–
LAUREL
You’ll be fine.
Laurel steps aside making room for her daughter. Carly takes the wheel.
LAUREL
Put your other hand on the throttles. You can steer by these pushing one over the other.
CARLY
Got it.
LAUREL
Keep it slow. The wind is out of the south. That should make it a little easier.
Carly fully takes the helm. Her eyes watch the bow of the boat. Laurel looks on giving her daughter space.
LAUREL
I’ll throw the lines.
Laurel moves tot he bow and begins to prep lines at each corner of the boat.
Laurel steps to the starboard bow, LINE in hand. She nods to the Americans standing on the dock.
LAUREL
Hi Grant. Lacey.
GRANT
(smiles)
Laurel. Good to see you. It’s a beautiful vessel.
Laurel tosses him the line.
LAUREL
Yes she is. Hi Lacey.
LACEY
You got some sun.
Grant takes the line and wraps it professionally around a nearby cleat. A DOCK HAND runs across grabbing a second line from Laurel on the port side.
Carly watches them secure the boat. She cuts the throttle and moves to the starboard aft. She grabs a line and turns to see Grant standing there with an empty hand ready to take the line.
GRANT
You must be Carly.
(beat)
Grant Donavan. I’ve heard a lot about you.
Carly hands him the line and he secures it quickly on a cleat. Grant point to the other end of the line.
GRANT
You’ll want to tighten that end up.
Carly looks down and pulls the line. She wraps it a few times.
GRANT
Permission to come aboard?
CARLY
Yeah. Sure.
Grant steps on board. He eyes the surroundings.
GRANT
Thanks for taking such good care of her.
Carly nods awkwardly.
GRANT
Well, I’m sure you both need to get some rest. We’re set up in the hotel just over there.
(to Carly)
And yes, they have wifi.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – MOMENTS LATER
Carly ZIPS her bag shut, and throws the straps over her shoulder. She smooths the sheets on the bed, and stops. She lifts the mattress and retrieves her map and compass. She turns the compass over in her hand.
Biting her lip, she sets it on the bed. She stares at it for a moment, and then walks out.
The compass, abandoned, rests neatly on the made bed.
The door swings open and Carly darts in, grabs the compass, and races out.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly emerges greeted by Grant and her Mother.
LAUREL
Got everything?
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
Mr. Donavan is going to take it for a demo cruise this afternoon.
GRANT
Not far. Just out from the marina where I can open the sails.
LAUREL
He’s asked if you would care to go.
CARLY
You aren’t going?
LAUREL
I have a conference call setup this afternoon.
GRANT
No rest for our future CEO.
CARLY
(to Grant)
I’ll pass.
LAUREL
You sure?
GRANT
It’s fine. I’ll manage.
Carly, bag over her shoulder, carrying her heels in the other hand, steps onto the dock barefoot. She stumbles a bit, and Lacey quickly grabs her.
LACEY
Sea legs?
CARLY
I guess so.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Carly lays on her back in bed. Wrapped in a towel. Hair still wet. Staring at the ceiling.
Laurel walks into the room, and hands her a note.
LAUREL
Here’s the wifi password.
CARLY
My phone’s dead.
LAUREL
I’ll just set this over here then.
Carly continues staring at the ceiling.
CARLY
Did he take the boat out?
Laurel walks over to the window overlooking the marina.
LAUREL
Looks like it.
(beat)
Listen, I’ll be in a meeting for the next little while. They gave us a private conference room downstairs. So, if you need something.
Laurel looks at her. Carly doesn’t respond. Laurel heads for the door.
LAUREL
We’re on the first flight out tomorrow morning.
Laurel leaves and the door latches shut.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned: I think I learned a bit more about my characters. Also, the freedom of writing without all of the answers has really helped me. I continued past two areas that would have hung me up for days in the past.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Carly has the book open in front of her. She has a sailing LINE in her hand and she’s turning it to form a loop. Studying the book closely, she snakes the other in around, and then through. She pulls it tight in a perfect bowline knot.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly sits at the NAV STATION studying the digital chart on the screen. She looks back at the book, then the chart again. She takes down a note in the book, and underlines some text.
She heres a noise and looks up. The sunroof that gives her a view of the mainsail above. It’s filling with air! She watches it noticing the top-quarter fluttering.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly stands at the helm watching the sail above. She touches the wheel. Then, she gently takes hold.
Carly looks upward again, and then at the horizon. She breathes and looks at the sail again.
Carly turns the wheel. It easy, and it responds to her. The boat yaws port and the flapping of the sail becomes louder!
Carly turns starboard. The sail fills out completely.
She hangs on keeping the course straight on its new direction.
She taps the computer to re-engage the auto-pilot. The boat steer port returning to it’s original heading.
The mainsail begins to flap.
Carly inspects the lines leading up the boat to the mast. She opens the book.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Barefoot and at the base of the mast, Carly continues to inspect how things are setup. She frequently looks back at the book and then the mast again.
She slams the book shut and moves expertly back to the helm station. She grabs a single line and pulls.
The sail responds moving the BOOM slightly. The mainsail fills completely and the flapping stops.
Satisfied, she locks down the line.
LAUREL
Hey.
Her mother stands in the opening to the Salon.
CARLY
Hey.
LAUREL
You good?
CARLY
All good.
Laurel glances around a little as if checking to be sure.
LAUREL
Okay.
Laurel makes a move to head back inside.
CARLY
I… thought I could take a shift.
LAUREL
That would be great.
CARLY
Yeah?
LAUREL
You know what to do?
CARLY
I think so. Watch the sails. Watch other boats. Make sure we’re pointed the right way. Anything else?
LAUREL
That’s about all I know too. If you learn something new, tell me.
CARLY
Okay.
Laurel disappears into the salon. Carly turns her attention back to the helm. She takes a seat.
It’s hers now.
CARLY
Okay.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN – DAY
The blue waters stretch endlessly in every direction. The 45 foot catamaran, small on the water, moves effortlessly over the waves.
I/E. YACHT – SUNSET
Carly stands near the front of the boat, watching the sun just kiss the horizon. Her hair flows free in the wind.
Ocean spray occasionally hits her face, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
At the helm, Laurel watches her daughter.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Carly practicing her knots. The book is open next to her. Fresh notes written in the margins.
The only light is the glow of the red nightlight in the cabin. The engines HUM as the catamaran motors on in the night.
Something catches her eye. Carly stands and peers through one of the windows, watching the black horizon.
LIGHTNING. It’s quite a ways off.
She sits near the window and watches. Another FLASH. This one maybe further away, just over the horizon line.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly opens the SAIL LOCKER.
INT. SAIL LOCKER – CONTINUOUS
Carly drops inside and looks at the large bag in front of her.
LABEL: SPINNAKER
She pulls the bag my it’s handle, and shoves it up through the open hatch.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly climbs out. She stretches the bag across the boat’s trampolines, finds the zipper, and pulls.
ZZZZZZIIIIPP. The industrial strength zipper grinds along its teeth down the bag revealing a purple SHEET inside.
Carly steps up and runs to her book. Opening to a page she has bookmarked she studies it closely.
She jumps bag to the sail bag and grabs a corner of the purple sheet. She attaches it to a point and feeds it around the JIB.
I/E. YATCH – MOMENTS LATER
Carly steps to the helm and feeds a line into one of the winches. She retrieves a CRANK from storage under her seat and attaches it to the winch.
KLAK-K-K-K-K-K! She spins the winch.
Ahead… the purple sheet rises along the front of the boat. It’s top corner climbs higher and higher.
The sheet unfolds and fills with wind becoming a magnificent display of wind power! It billows out wide casting a purple hue on the yacht itself.
Carly moves to the controls and hits a BUTTON. The JIB SAIL responds rolling up to the bow and disappearing into itself.
Carly tugs and loosens lines, making proper adjustments to the new sail.
INT. SALON – SAME
Laurel watches the sail through the window. The beauty of it has captivated her. A glimmer of a smile, and perhaps pride, can be seen on her face.
She sips the hot mug in her hand.
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly takes hold of the WHEEL and switches off the auto-pilot. She looks at the compass, then the sails.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN – DAY
The catamaran sails over the waters, its purple spinnaker sail glowing under the afternoon sun.
I/E. YACHT – SUNSET
Laurel emerges from the Salon; a fish FILET on a plate in hand.
She hands it up to Carly who sits at the wheel. Carly accepts and takes a large bite of the fish.
LAUREL
The wind is starting to taper off.
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
Maybe we should switch to the other sail before it gets dark?
CARLY
Jib.
LAUREL
Jib.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
The sun sits just over the horizon. Carly works a wench and the purple sail lowers to the boat’s bow.
Laurel stands at the front collecting it as best she can as it comes down.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
They work together rolling the sail into a tight bundle. Carly opens the sail bag and they begin to shove the sail inside.
INT. SAIL LOCKER – MOMENTS LATER
Carly pushes the bag into it’s proper spot; taking extra care of the storage space and where it should rest.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
The sun is all but gone. Laurel is wearing a HEADLAMP that illuminates the boat.
LAUREL
Take a break. We can run the motor for a while.
Carly moves along the side of the boat and leaps up to the helm. She presses and holds a button and the engines come to life. She engages the throttle and sets the auto pilot computer.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Carly and Laurel sit on the couch drinking red wine.
CARLY
We broke up.
LAUREL
No! When?
CARLY
Like, three weeks ago.
LAUREL
Oh. I’m sorry. I liked that boy.
CARLY
Don’t be sorry. I dumped him.
LAUREL
Oh. I’m sorry for him.
CARLY
(joking)
Well, yes. His loss.
They look at each other, then laugh!
LAUREL
Want to tell me what happened?
CARLY
Eh. Doesn’t matter.
They sit in silence. Laurel sips her wine.
CARLY
Was Dad always… could you trust him?
LAUREL
More than anyone.
Carly considers this for a moment.
CARLY
I guess you would have to being that you were gone so much.
That stung. Laurel swallows.
CARLY
Busy, I mean.
LAUREL
Yeah.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
The boat bobs on a wave. A ROPE laying loose on the deck moves. It’s end hangs over the edge touching the water.
The boat kicks on a wave again, and the rope’s end slips into the water. The weight slowly pulls on the whole line.
It goes fast, snaking off the deck and into the current below dragging to the rear of the boat.
EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Like a sea snake, the line slips along the hull, it’s end aimed directly for the spinning prop.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
THE ENGINE STOPS SUDDENLY!
Carly looks to the windows curiously.
CARLY
What happened?
LAUREL
I don’t know.
They stand and move to the doors.
CARLY
I’ll restart it.
Carly grabs a light and CLICKS it on.
Laurel relaxes back onto the couch as her daughter steps outside.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
Carly presses the button at the helm. The starter turns but nothing happens.
She tries again.
Nothing.
Carly lets out a breath, and tries a third time.
CARLY
Come on…
Nothing.
CARLY
It’s a brand new boat.
LAUREL
What’s up?
CARLY
I don’t know. It just won’t start.
LAUREL
Did you try–
CARLY
The only thing I know to try is to try starting it.
LAUREL
Okay. There’s a breeze, we could just go back to the wind. Okay?
CARLY
Yeah. Okay.
LAUREL
We’ll sort it out in the morning, when we have light.
CARLY
Yeah.
LAUREL
It will be fine tonight.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Carly stands on the bow holding a line taught in her hands.
LAUREL
Are you sure?
CARLY
What else would explain it. This thing is wrapped around our propeller engine thing.
LAUREL
Propeller engine thing.
CARLY
Mom. This is serious.
LAUREL
Okay.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
The boat sits on almost glass ocean water. Both sails are down and the boat is technically adrift.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Laurel rushes out from the Salon, KNIFE in hand.
LAUREL
Don’t let the rest fall in.
CARLY
I’ve got it.
Laurel cuts the rope free near her hand. Carly, holding the end leading into the water, walks it back to the rear of the boat.
LAUREL
I’ve got the rest.
Laurel wraps up the line remaining and stores it as it should have been.
Caryl reaches the rear of the boat and tugs.
CARLY
It won’t budge!
Laurel arrives and grabs hold with her.
LAUREL
Like the fish. PULL!
They pull in unison, but the line doesn’t give. Laurel moves close to the water and lays prone on the swim deck. Her face can almost touch the water.
She grabs the line in the water and tries woking it in different directions.
Carly holds the limp end helplessly.
CARLY
Shit. We’re stuck.
LAUREL
Don’t panic.
CARLY
I’m not. I’m pissed.
LAUREL
Don’t do that either. Let’s just breath.
CARLY
Don’t tell me to breath. Look where we are! Unless you have a way to MAKE WIND, we’re stuck! STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!
Laurel stares at the line leading into the water. She rolls up to a sitting position and looks up at the sky.
CARLY
I have to be home in ten days. Not the islands. HOME! I can see the headline: “Midland High’s Prom Queen Lost At Sea.”
Laurel continues staring at the sky.
CARLY
HELLO!?
(beat)
Mom?
Laurel wipes her eye.
CARLY
Are you okay?
LAUREL
I’m tired.
Carly sits on a step leading down to where her mother is sitting.
LAUREL
This is the most peace I’ve felt in years.
Carly relaxes. They float in silence listening to the small waves lap the underside of the vessel.
LAUREL
I’m sorry.
CARLY
For what?
LAUREL
I didn’t know you were the prom queen.
CARLY
Well. I’m not. Not yet. A girl can dream right?
LAUREL
I’m still sorry.
The waves slap the boat gently.
CARLY
I know.
Laurel stands up.
LAUREL
Grab your swimsuit.
Carly sits up.
CARLY
What? Why?
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel stands next to her daughter, both in swimsuits. Laurel hands her a pair of goggles, and a line.
LAUREL
Tie yourself off.
CARLY
I cannot believe I’m about to do this.
Laurel picks up a knife, the same used to skin their fish.
LAUREL
It will be a great story to tell.
CARLY
What about sharks
LAUREL
If you see a shark, get out.
CARLY
Great.
Laurel moves down to the swim deck. She holds a line tied around her waist.
LAUREL
We’ll do this in shifts. Trade back and both. I’ll go down first. When I come up, you go in. Keep cutting.
(off her look)
We can do this.
CARLY
(nods)
I know.
LAUREL
Okay then.
Laurel steps to the edge.
CARLY
Wait.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
Do you know how deep it is?
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
How deep the water is?
LAUREL
Deep!
CARLY
Did you check?
LAUREL
No!
CARLY
Why not?
LAUREL
Because I don’t want to know either!
Laurel steps forward and plunges into the water. She comes up right away.
Carly moves down to the swim deck, holding her own safety line in a tight grip.
CARLY
Well?
LAUREL
It’s cold. Let’s hurry this up.
Carly slips into the water much more slowly. Carly lets out a noise through her teeth as the cold water wraps her body.
CARLY
The knife?
LAUREL
Got it. Back in a minute.
EXT. UNDERWATER – DAY
Laurel goes under and immediately heads for the prop. Sure enough, the line is a tightly wound mess.
She pulls free the loose parts and starts cutting.
As she saws at it, a part of the line splits free. Laurel pushes off and heads to the surface.
EXT. OCEAN – DAY
Laurel comes up blowing out a huge volume of air. She hands the knife to Carly.
LAUREL
Be careful. And, don’t drop the knife.
CARLY
Right.
Carly dives under.
EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
Carly follows the hulls contours and reaches the prop. She pulls on the line and then cuts at it. She slides the knife back and forth working a chunk of the line free.
She pulls on the frays and it untangles. She pushes off and heads for the surface.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Carly comes up for air.
CARLY
It’s working. Just a bit more left.
Laurel takes the knife and dives under.
EXT. UNDERWATER
Laurel reaches the prop and starts sawing at the torn line again. The last bit loosens and the ropes drifts free of the prop.
Laurel looks it over, and then pushes off.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Laurel comes up.
LAUREL
Got it!
CARLY
Thank God!
I/E. YACHT – CONTINUOUS
Carly hoists herself up onto the boat. She turns and takes the knife form her mother. Setting the knife aside, she pulls her mother form the water.
Teeth CHATTERING, Carly heads to the helm.
CARLY
Here we go!
She presses the buttons. The starter turns and the engine comes to life!
THEY CHEER!!
-
Peter Birdsong’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
What I learned: I won’t lie. Today was difficult. I think my midpoint is all wrong and will be completely redone. The good thing is I think I know what it should be. I wasn’t able to map out my 4 key scenes because I’m honestly not sure now what the third one is. But… Hoping I have an epiphany this evening. Sorry… this looks like a journal entry. What did I learn… I learned I can keep going and not get hung up on one scene.
INT. LAUREL’S CABIN – DAY
Laurel lays on her side of the bed, hand resting in the empty space next to her. Tears stream down her face.
LAUREL
I need help.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly can hear her mother crying. It may be the first time she’s ever heard that sound.
She sits at the table with the sailing book. She opens it and begins to flip through the pages.
EXT. OCEAN – DAY
The fishing line dips suddenly.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The reel on the rod clicks. Then… ZZZZZZZZZ!
The line takes off!
INT. SALON
ZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Carly shoots her gaze at the line.
CARLY
Oh my God. Mom? MOM!
She jumps up and rushes for the doors.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly makes it to the rod, and looks it over confused. She looks out into the water. The line shoots off sideways suddenly!
Carly darts back into…
INT. SALON
And quickly moves down the steps to her mother’s cabin.
BANG BANG! She knocks!
CARLY
Hey!
The door swings open. Laurel looks confused and tired. Caryl is taken back for a minute.
CARLY
Hey.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
What? Oh… fish. FISH!
Laurel’s eyes go wide and she pushes past daughter!
I/E. YACHT
Laurel runs to the rod as the line spools out!
CARLY
I’ll take the wheel.
LAUREL
Are you sure?
CARLY
Yes! Set the hook this time!
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
I don’t know, I read it. I figured you’s know!
LAUREL
No!
Laurel locks the reel and it SNAPS to a stop. She begins to work the reel. Laurel screams trying to reel it in!
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
It’s heavy! Damn heavy! Help me!
CARLY
What about the boat?
LAUREL
Forget it! Help!
Carly runs down to her mother.
CARLY
What do I do?
Laurel turns the crank but it’s slow going.
CARLY
Don’t lose it.
LAUREL
What do you think I’m trying to do?
CARLY
Okay! Okay.
Laurel pulls on the crank, but she can barely get it to budge!
LAUREL
I can’t. It’s too heavy.
CARLY
Give it slack.
LAUREL
What?
CARLY
I’ve seen that before. Give it slack and then reel.
LAUREL
Get behind the rail.
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
We’re going to do this together and I don’t want this thing pulling us into the water.
Carly braces herself against the rail, and grabs hold of the rod. Laurel lifts the rod out of it’s bracket and the whole things jerks hard!
They hold on, screaming against the strength of their catch!
LAUREL
Pull!
They pull together, and then loosen reeling line in as they do.
LAUREL
Again!
They pull! Carly bracing her stance wide. The relax and Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Keep going!
They tug!
Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Again!
PULL!
REEL!
CARLY
We’re doing it!
LAUREL
Pull!!
They pull again! The fish jumps!
CARLY
Holy shit!!
LAUREL
I know!! PULL!
They pull together! Laurel reels as fast as she can!
CARLY
The net!
LAUREL
I don’t think it’s going to fit!
They pull again and Laurel reels!
LAUREL
Grab the gaff.
CARLY
The what?
LAUREL
Pull!
They pull again!
LAUREL
See that poll with the hook mounted to the rail?
Carly reaches for it, and Laurel feels the rod slip!
LAUREL
Wait!
Carly grabs her mother and the rod.
CARLY
What’s the plan?
LAUREL
I’m not losing this rod. It was expensive.
CARLY
One of us has to let go!
LAUREL
Move back to the bracket. On three. One. Two. Three.
Together they shuffle back to the bracket and push the rod inside locking it in place.
Carly grabs the GAFF of the rail.
CARLY
I’m afraid to ask.
The fish is close. They cane see it fighting the line not ten feet off the boat.
LAUREL
Well… you need to step down there and pull the fish onboard.
CARLY
How!?
LAUREL
You stab it with the hook.
CARLY
WHAT!?
LAUREL
Or you can reel it in closer.
Carly look at the rod, then the gaff. There’s a lanyard on the handle. She loops it around her wrist.
CARLY
I can do this.
Carly steps down to the starboard aft. She’s just over the water now. The fish dragging just out of reach.
CARLY
I can do this.
LAUREL
Get ready!
CARLY
Shit… I’m going to do this.
Carly extends the gaff and hits the water. Miss!
CARLY
Closer!
LAUREL
(grunting)
Trying!
Carly tries again. Splash! MISS!
CARLY
I can’t reach it! We’re going to lose it!
Carly reaches and slams the gaff down! It smacks and jerks in her hand.
CARLY
I got it. I GOT IT!
The gaff goes wild and Carly grabs hold with both hands.
LAUREL
Pull!!
Carly summons every bit of upper-body strength he has and hauls onboard the largest fish she has ever seen!
They both breathed a sign of relief. The mahi-mahi flopped and Carly SCREAMED!
Laurel sunk to the deck breathing hard and leaning against the boat.
LAUREL
Drag it up here.
Carly Stumbled to her feet and began to pull the large fish up to the main deck.
Laurel pulled herself up and walked to the doors.
INT. SALON
Laurel opens a drawer and retrieves a long knife.
I/E. YACHT
Laurel emerges, knife in hand.
CARLY
What are you going to do?
LAUREL
You’re going to-uh-you’re going to make a deep cut just behind the–
CARLY
The hell I am!
LAUREL
Well! Are you just going to let it lay there and die?
CARLY
I had considered it! Why don’t you do the-the deep cut thing?
LAUREL
I reeled it in.
CARLY
I hauled it in!
LAUREL
I know, and now you can finish the job.
Laurel holds the knife out to Carly. The fish FLOPS near her feet.
CARLY
I’m not cooking or cutting it up.
LAUREL
Fine.
CARLY
Fine.
Laurel is still holding the knife.
LAUREL
Carly.
CARLY
OKAY! Okay…
She takes the knife.
CARLY
Where?
LAUREL
Just behind the head. You’re severing the spin.
CARLY
Have you–have you don’t this?
LAUREL
Of course not. The man who sold the rod told me.
Carly leans down. The fish jumps causing Carly to SCREAM and jump up!
CARLY
Shit! Shit! Shit!
LAUREL
We’re going to talk about your unladylike language later.
CARLY
Oh like THIS is lady like!
Carly bends down again. She close now. She positions the knife… and pushes. The blade sinks deep and the fish relaxes.
CARLY
There.
Carly looks up and sees her mother with her hands over her face.
CARLY
You’re hiding!?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry.
(beat)
Nice work!
INT. SALON – NIGHT
A fully cooked fish filet steams on a plate in front of Carly.
She cuts into it and forks a bite. She slowly puts it into her mouth.
LAUREL
Better than beans.
Carly’s eyes roll up as she relishes the fresh taste.
CARLY
Much.
Laurel hold her glass up. Carly pauses mid-chew and looks at her questioningly.
LAUREL
To our first fish.
Carly considers this for a moment. She take her glass and DINGS her mom’s.
They both drink.
CARLY
I took your book.
LAUREL
Oh?
Carly studies her.
CARLY
You didn’t notice?
LAUREL
Yes.
CARLY
I’m just thinking… we both have places we’re trying to get to.
Laurel sips her drink, but remains silent.
CARLY
If I help, maybe… Maybe we’ll get this trip done and we can both get where we want to go.
LAUREL
To California?
CARLY
Yeah. Well, and you your big CEO job.
Laurel considers this. She feigns a smile and raises her glass. Carly raises hers.
LAUREL
Sounds like a deal.
CARLY
Okay.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Carly has the book open in front of her. She has a sailing LINE in her hand and she’s turning it to form a loop. Studying the book closely, she snakes the other in around, and then through. She pulls it tight in a perfect bowline knot.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly sits at the NAV STATION studying the digital chart on the screen. She looks back at the book, then the chart again. She takes down a note in the book, and underlines some text.
She heres a noise and looks up. The sunroof that gives her a view of the mainsail above. It’s filling with air! She watches it noticing the top-quarter fluttering.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Carly stands at the helm watching the sail above. She touches the wheel. Then, she gently takes hold.
Carly looks upward again, and then at the horizon. She breathes and looks at the sail again.
Carly turns the wheel. It easy, and it responds to her. The boat yaws port and the flapping of the sail becomes louder!
Carly turns starboard. The sail fills out completely.
She hangs on keeping the course straight on its new direction.
She taps the computer to re-engage the auto-pilot. The boat steer port returning to it’s original heading.
The mainsail begins to flap.
Carly inspects the lines leading up the boat to the mast. She opens the book.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Barefoot and at the base of the mast, Carly continues to inspect how things are setup. She frequently looks back at the book and then the mast again.
She slams the book shut and moves expertly back to the helm station. She grabs a single line and pulls.
The sail responds moving the BOOM slightly. The mainsail fills completely and the flapping stops.
Satisfied, she locks down the line.
-
Peter Birdsong Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned: Having my main points and filling in the gaps (the needed scenes that lead up to the main events) worked very well for me. I struggled the most today with the need to go back and edit–and I did once or twice, but for the most part I was able to keep going.
<font face=”inherit”>Here’s my act 2 as it is today. </font>Definitely<font face=”inherit”> 20% quality… but as I read once, and I’m paraphrasing, your crappy first draft is way better than your unwritten one…</font>
<font face=”inherit”>
</font>INT. SALON – DAY
The creaking of mast rigging can be heard as the boat moves across the open water. The whole studio apartment sized salon rocks fore and aft under Laurel’s feet as she holds herself steady in the galley.
Her decorations are everywhere they shouldn’t. Objects are sliding and rolling on the floor back and forth. She watches the chaos helpless and unsure. She moves for the door…
I/E. YACHT
Laurel carefully maneuvers to the helm station. The WHEEL turns slightly back and forth as the autopilot does it’s job.
FLAPPING overhead. Above her she notices a corner of the sail fluttering in the wind. She just stares at it, uncertain.
Laurel attempts to pull on a line, loosen another, but nothing seems to work.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Carly lays on her back moaning with each downward movement her room makes.
She moves gingerly to her BAG and opens the zipper. Inside is a health food bar. She stares at it considering.
The room sinks on her again and her eyes roll back.
CARLY
My God, STOP!
She THROWS the bar across the cabin.
INT. SALON – DAY
Laurel sits the NAV STATION. The computer screen shows a live map with their location and direction.
She stares at the mess. Carefully she begins to clean up putting things back where she intended.
The boat doesn’t let up. No sooner does she set a SALT SHAKER in place does it slide off the table and BANG on the floor.
She grabs the SALT and PEPPER and chucks them into a cabinet and quickly SLAMS the door shut.
She sees Carly standing at the top of the stairs. They study each other for a moment.
Carly looks at the mess around the room.
CARLY
What happened here?
LAUREL
Why do you look like that?
CARLY
I’m sick. You don’t have anything, by chance?
LAUREL
Dramamine.
CARLY
Does it work?
Laurel heads to a storage compartment and opens it. She pulls a small bag out and opens it. Inside is a cough-drop like CANDY wrapped in paper.
LAUREL
I’ve been fine all morning. It will help. Coming up top may help too.
CARLY
Really?
LAUREL
I honestly don’t know. Fresh air. That’s all I’m saying.
Carly unwraps the candy and pops it into her mouth.
She heads for the door.
LAUREL
You need this outside.
Laurel hands her an EPIRB attached to a lanyard.
CARLY
What is this?
LAUREL
If you go overboard, that will save you. I’m honestly not sure I could get the boat back around to get you.
CARLY
What a comforting thought.
Carly takes it and steps out…
I/E. YACHT
Carly walks on the deck carefully taking her to the front of the boat. On the horizon she can still make out some mountain peaks.
The boat skirts over a wave and splashes forward. SEA SPRAY covers Carly’s face and hair. Her makeup runs.
The boat bucks agains and she falls for on the Catamaran’s trampoline face first. She grabs hold and she can just see the water rushing up to her face.
The salt-water baptizes her completely. Carly lays there, her hair destroyed, her dress soaked, her makeup a runny mess. Completely defeated.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly steps in — water dripping off of her once perfect hair.
Laurel watches her daughter come in, hiding her amusement as best she can.
CARLY
Not a word.
LAUREL
No. Did you happen to see–
CARLY
Not!… A word.
LAUREL
I have some clothes you could borrow.
Carly stops at the steps. Thinking.
CARLY
Like what.
LAUREL
Just a minute.
Laurel heads down to her own cabin.
Carly takes the time to look around a minute. Her mother’s decorations are strewn all over the floor — sliding back and forth with the boat.
LAUREL
Here you go.
Carly takes the clothes. Certainly more practical than what she’s currently wearing.
CARLY
Is that it?
LAUREL
Is that okay?
Carly looks around.
LAUREL
Yeah… I guess I’m not much of a sailer. Neither of us.
CARLY
Definitely not. Anyway…
(holds up clothes)
Thanks.
LAUREL
Sure.
Carly disappears down the stairs.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Laurel opens a tin CAN of beans. She dumps the entire thing into a POT.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Laurel sits at the nav station eating black beans from a bowl. The floor still littered by her failed decor.
Carly appears slowly. She looks around trying to ignore her mother.
LAUREL
There’s dinner.
Carly moves to the stove and lifts the lid on the pot.
CARLY
Dinner?
LAUREL
Feeling better?
CARLY
Some.
Carly grabs a BOWL and SPOON and empties the pot into her bowl.
Grabbing hand holds with her free hand she heads back downstairs and shuts the door.
INT. SALON – MORNING
Laurel works her can-opener on a tin of PEACHES. It pops open and she sticks a fork in.
The floor is still a mess, and Laurel takes to kicking things out of the way as she moves around.
Carly emerges. She’s clearly showered again, but she hasn’t dolled herself up like before. She’s wearing mom’s practical outfit — dressed for a day on the coast.
LAUREL
Morning. Did you sleep?
Carly looks around. Laurel holds up a can of peaches.
LAUREL
Hungry?
Carly grabs a bowl and offers it to her mother. Laurel pours half of her can into the bowl.
Carly take a fork and makes her way back down the steps to her cabin.
The door shuts.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel sits at the helm staring at the horizon. In the distance there are still signs of land. A stray mountain peak here and there.
Movement in the Salon’s windows catches her eye. It’s Carly searching the cabinets.
Laurel watches her find food and then head back downstairs. She sighs to herself.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
Ahead, sparkling over the black waters Laurel can easily see the lights and city of an island.
LAUREL
(into radio)
Marina Santa Cruz. Marina Santa Cruz. This is Sailing Vessel Redeemer.
Laurel waits.
HARBOR MASTER
Sailing Vessel Redeemer. We hear you.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Carly listens as Laurel begins to speak to the Harbor Master, relaying their intention to dock and resupply before heading into the North Atlantic.
She watches through the window as the lights shimmering ahead.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
Laurel tosses a LINE to a dockhand who expertly secures it to the dock. Laurel moves around her boat stowing lines and tossing new ones as she goes.
She returns to the helms and shuts the engines down.
CARLY
So, where are we?
LAUREL
Hey.
(beat)
The Canary Islands.
(to Dock Hand)
Is anything still open tonight?
DOCK HAND
Sí!
LAUREL
I need your passport.
Carly already has it, and hands it to her.
EXT. OLYMPO MALL – DAY
The island market is surprisingly busy. Tourists of all kinds walk back and forth sampling each shop and pop-up vendor they find.
Carly climbs STEPS leading to a different level of the mall she’s exploring. A tent catches her eye. HATS.
She walks over to sample one SUN HAT that stands out. Carly hears someone speak in Spanish. An OLD MAN, tanned, with bright eyes and a friendly smile looks at her waiting.
CARLY
I’m… sorry. I don’t–
OLD MAN
Ah. English? American?
CARLY
Yes.
He opens his arms.
OLD MAN
Welcome to my humble shop. So, you like?
CARLY
It’s not really my style.
He stares at her, still grinning.
CARLY
Yes. I do.
OLD MAN
My wife. She–
He moves his hands over the hat as if forming it.
CARLY
You wife made this?
OLD MAN
Sí!
(gesturing to rest of stock)
All! This; just for you, I think.
Carly smiles at this awkwardly. She DOES like the hat. He gestures for her to put it on. Carly smiles and complies.
The Old Man’s smile grows even wider. He says something in Spanish that–judging by his gesture–was meant as complimentary.
OLD MAN
Just for you. If you don’t buy, I’ll remove it from the shelf.
Carly holds the hat and looks around more. She sees a folded MAP on a rack.
OLD MAN
You need a map?
CARLY
I’m not sure.
OLD MAN
Are you lost?
CARLY
Most definitely. I’ll take the map.
The old man pulls it from the rack. He reaches to a different shelf and pulls a small, cheap COMPASS.
OLD MAN
A gift. Map’s no good without this.
CARLY
Thank you… and the hat.
OLD MAN
I will tell my wife how much you love it.
EXT. MARINA SANTA CRUZ – DAY
Laurel stands on the docks. Phone in hand. An earbud in her ear.
GRANT (V.O.)
You got his vote. Laurel? Did you hear me?
LAUREL
Yes.
GRANT (V.O.)
You’re going to be the new CEO.
Laurel watches the boat in the water. Dock workers are topping off the fuel.
GRANT (V.O.)
How’s the trip going?
LAUREL
Just fine. We should make it to the Virgin Islands in three weeks.
GRANT (V.O.)
How’s Carly?
LAUREL
She’s fine. Your boat’s in good hands.
BEAT
GRANT (V.O.)
Laurel? Congratulations.
LAUREL
Yep.
She hangs up the phone.
INT. MARKET – DAY
Laurel fills a shopping cart like someone preparing for the apocalypse.
INT. MARKET – MOMENTS LATER
She waits at the checkout watching others with their own selection of groceries. Most not near the size of order she has.
She notices a newspaper on a rack. The headline reads:
DALLENTS SET TO MERGE WITH KNOX INT.
INT. SALON – DAY
The groceries are sorted in groups piled throughout the room. Cabinets are storage lockers are wide open and Laurel puts things where they belong.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Laurel picks up her decorations that are still strewn on the floor.
INT. STORAGE LOCKER
Laurel chucks her cheap decor into the closest corner.
INT. SALON
Laurel sweeps, removing all evidence of the disaster her decorations were.
The door slides open and Carly enters. The new SUN HAT on her head. Laurel looks at it for a bit.
LAUREL
I like it.
CARLY
It’s handmade.
LAUREL
What’s in the bag?
CARLY
Nothing important.
Carly heads toward her stairs.
CARLY
You bought more than beans, right?
LAUREL
I bought bait.
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
For fishing.
CARLY
When have you ever gone fishing?
LAUREL
How hard can it be?
Carly lets out a sigh and descends the steps.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The open blue water of the Atlantic Ocean surrounds the catamaran on all sides to the horizon.
The rigging creeks and DINGS, and The MAINSAIL is full with wind.
Laurel sits on the deck with a FISHING ROD in several pieces laid out in front of her. She looks closely at a set of instructions next to her, anchored under a glass to keep from blowing away.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly spies her mother through the sliding glass door. She watches for a minute. Then, rolls her eyes.
The horizon catches her attention through the windows. She leans against the glass looking. It’s all blue.
She heads to the other side of the boat and looks as far as she can see.
BLUE.
She walks to the door and SLIDES it open.
I/E. YACHT
Carly, barefoot, steps out onto the deck. Studying the horizon behind her.
Laurel watches her.
LAUREL
What’s up?
CARLY
N-nothing.
Laurel looks at her closely, then follows her gaze.
LAUREL
It’s just us.
Carly sighs loudly.
CARLY
So? What of it?
LAUREL
Interested in learning how to fish?
CARLY
Are you? Apparently you are.
LAUREL
Well… I don’t know. I figure the city life made me soft. I can open an app on my phone and get fish just the way I like it delivered straight to my office.
CARLY
Salmon.
LAUREL
Salmon. On a rice bed with butter sauce and asparagus.
CARLY
I never liked the asparagus.
(beat)
So, are you catching a salmon?
LAUREL
(laughs)
No. Salmon aren’t here in the Atlantic. I don’t think they are anyway.
CARLY
Then what?
LAUREL
I’m honestly not sure. It’s a blue fish. Saw a picture in that book I have in there.
Laurel slips the final piece of the rod together, and turns it over. She then begins to attach the reel.
CARLY
Good luck.
Laurel pauses and watches her daughter head back inside.
INT. SALON
Carly walks to the Nav Station and taps the DISPLAY to wake it. The display shows a GPS location for the boat. She studies it for a moment. Next to the display… a book on sailing. It has a few sticky-note bookmarks sticking out from the pages. Carly grabs it and after one more glance at her mother sitting outside, she heads down stairs.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN
She shuts the door behind her and drops the book on her bed. She lifts her mattress. Under it she pulls out the MAP. She opens it just enough to see the Atlantic. A couple of small ‘X’s are marked through the Mediterranean and the Canary Islands. She marks a new X in the Ocean.
She then pulls out the compass from under her bed. She looks at it for a bit. Thinking. She’s almost transfixed by the needle dancing inside.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel positions the newly assemble rod into a BRACKET on the rear of the boat. She begins to pull line out for slack. She takes the end and fixes a LURE on it. Then, she drops it in the water behind the boat.
She watches the slack in the line get dragged out behind them.
LAUREL
Bring on dinner.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
The boat continues steadily. Laurel sits on the deck still watching the line. The ROD and LINE that show no sign of a fish.
LAUREL
Shit.
Laurel looks at her watch. Then she stands and walks over to the ROD. She starts reeling it back in.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Laurel pulls out some line and drops the lure into the water. Again, she watches the line drag out some ways behind the boat.
She finds a comfortable seat and sits down. She sips from a coffee mug and waits.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
That catamaran moves smoothly over the water. The bow barely splashes as it cuts into each wave and then rides over top.
Laurel’s eyes are closed.
Carly is standing nearby watching the water. She looks up at the mainsail overhead. The corner FLOPPING in the wind.
Carly tightens her EPIRB around her wrist and walks carefully around to the bow. As she does she looks at the rigging.
She sees a line strewn across the front. She picks it up and looks it over, then drops it.
She opens one hatch. Peeking inside she sees fenders piled on top of each other.
She opens another hatch. There are two large duffle-like BAGS inside, and a thick CHAIN.
She heads to the front, and grabs hold.
She hears a splash! Looking in the direction of the noise she sees something dark in the water.
SPLASH! The DOLPHIN crests and dives just in front of the racing catamaran!
Carly is taken back! She watches and sees two more crest the waves!
Then a fourth in front of the PORT HULL! She watches them. Their gracefulness. The way that dart back and forth sharing with each other whatever thrill they were experiencing in front of the boat.
She turns around looking for her mother — a brief moment to call her, and it passes. She frowns a little and turns her eyes back to the dolphins.
The catamaran cruises onward, gliding alone on the vast ocean.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly sits at the NAV STATION watching the screen. She taps through menus, exploring.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Carly jumps, looking outside. She hurries to the door!
I/E. YACHT – DAY
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!
Carly runs out and sees the line on the roc spool out to the ocean.
Laurel sits up!
CARLY
What do we do?
LAUREL
Quick!
Laurel jumps to the rod and grabs the handle. She flips a switch and the spool SNAPS to a stop!
She starts to turn the reel.
LAUREL
Jesus! It’s heavy!
Carly watches her trying to contain her enthusiasm.
LAUREL
Grab the net!
CARLY
Where?
Laurel GRUNTS trying to reel the line in.
LAUREL
Never mind! Help!
CARLY
How??
LAUREL
Help me turn this–
The reel loosens in her grip. They exchange questioning looks. Laurel begins to reel the line in. It’s MUCH easier. The line comes in effortlessly.
Carly’s demeanor sags a bit. Disappointment washes over both of them. The line continues in, and then the LURE. Nothing on it.
CARLY
What happened?
LAUREL
We lost it.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Laurel stands at the counter, a loaf of bread plaid out next to cheese and various meats.
Laurel assembles a sandwich and puts it on a napkin. She hands it to Carly at the table.
Laurel returns to the counter and gets to work on her own sandwich.
She sits across from Carly.
LAUREL
So?
Carly looks at her suspiciously.
LAUREL
What did you do today?
CARLY
Really?
LAUREL
There has to be something.
CARLY
There wasn’t.
LAUREL
Is this so horrible to–
CARLY
Yes.
Carly gets up and heads to the stairs that lead to her cabin.
CARLY
I saw dolphins this afternoon.
LAUREL
Dolphins?
CARLY
They were racing the boat, or something.
LAUREL
I wish I had seen that.
CARLY
Yeah.
(beat)
Thanks for the sandwich.
Carly descends downstairs.
Laurel slams her sandwich down. She leans back, breathes out, and rubs her temples.
She stands up abandoning the sandwich and heading for a cabinet. She pulls a GLASS and a bottle of GIN, and pours.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly climbs the steps taking in the eerie calmness of the vessel. The boat is barely rocking. She’s managing quite well as she moves around.
She looks at the display showing the boat’s GPS position and relative speed: 0 knots.
CARLY
What the hell?
She looks around more urgently now. He spots her mother on the bow. DRINK in hand. Sunbathing.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel bikini-clad lays out on cushions. She takes a sip from her MARTINI.
CARLY
What are you doing?
Laurel looks at her squinting in the sun.
CARLY
Why are we stopped??
LAUREL
No wind.
CARLY
So you’re drinking!?
LAUREL
I can’t make wind.
CARLY
I don’t believe this.
LAUREL
It’s been a long voyage, and I’m a crew of one.
CARLY
I didn’t even want to be out here! Where the HELL ARE WE!?
Carly gestures out into the ocean. Nothing but water in all directions!
LAUREL
You want to get underway.
CARLY
Yes!
LAUREL
Then help! I’ve single-handed this boat since we left, cutting corners where I could–
CARLY
You could have sold the boat in France!
LAUREL
But I didn’t and here we are!
CARLY
Here we are! Trapped in the middle of the goddamned ocean!!
(beat)
Why are we doing this? We might die out here!
LAUREL
We’re not going to die.
CARLY
Why are we here?
Laurel sips her drink.
LAUREL
Your father wanted to sail.
CARLY
Oh. I get it. You feel guilty.
LAUREL
Guilty? It’s because of me he could even afford this boat.
CARLY
You feel guilty! You were never around.
LAUREL
Don’t be ridiculous. I sacrificed–
CARLY
You sacrificed alright. You gave us both up for your stupid job!
LAUREL
If it wasn’t for this job you’d have nothing.
CARLY
I have nothing now!
LAUREL
You ungrateful–I have given you everything you need!
CARLY
Except a mom! And dad never had a wife! And it took him dying for you to finally get it!
LAUREL SLAPS CARLY! The shock shoots through them both and Laurel’s eyes begin to water.
Carly caresses her cheek. They stand in silence for a minute. Carly begins to tear up.
LAUREL
When we get home, you can get off the boat. We both can.
Laurel empties her glass over the side of the boat and heads back in.
Carly continues nursing her face for a moment. She looks up at the sails laying limp against the mast.
INT. LAUREL’S CABIN – DAY
Laurel lays on her side of the bed, hand resting in the empty space next to her. Tears stream down her face.
LAUREL
I need help.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly can hear her mother crying. It may be the first time she’s ever heard that sound.
She sits at the table with the sailing book. She opens it and begins to flip through the pages.
-
Peter Birdsong’s ACT 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned: now that I have a better idea where my midpoint is in the story, I have quite a few scenes to fill out that will lead up to that point. Yesterday I was worried about how light my screenplay is. Now I’m not.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly climbs the steps taking in the eerie calmness of the vessel. The boat is barely rocking. She’s managing quite well as she moves around. She peaks at the folded map laid open to show the Atlantic.
She looks at the display showing the boat’s GPS position and relative speed: 0 knots.
CARLY
What the hell?
She looks around more urgently now. He spots her mother on the bow. DRINK in hand. Sunbathing.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel bikini-clad lays out on cushions. She takes a sip from her MARTINI.
CARLY
What are you doing?
Laurel Looks at her in the sun.
CARLY
Why are we stopped??
LAUREL
No wind.
CARLY
So you’re drinking!?
LAUREL
Resting. But yes.
CARLY
Resting. I don’t believe this.
LAUREL
It’s been a long voyage, and I’m a crew of one.
CARLY
I didn’t even want to be out here! Where the HELL ARE WE!?
Carly gestures out into the ocean. Nothing but water in all directions!
LAUREL
You want to get underway.
CARLY
Yes!
LAUREL
Then help! I’ve single-handed this boat since we left, cutting corner where I could–
CARLY
You could have sold the boat in France!
LAUREL
But I didn’t and here we are!
CARLY
Here we are! Trapped in the middle of the goddamned ocean!!
(beat)
Why are we doing this? We might die out here!
LAUREL
We’re not going to die.
CARLY
Why are we here?
Laurel sips her drink.
LAUREL
Your father wanted to sail.
CARLY
Oh. I get it. You feel guilty.
LAUREL
Guilty? It’s because of me he could even afford this boat.
CARLY
You feel guilty! You were never around.
LAUREL
Don’t be ridiculous. I sacrificed–
CARLY
You sacrificed alright. You gave us both up for your stupid job!
LAUREL
If it wasn’t for this job you’d have nothing.
CARLY
I have nothing now!
LAUREL
You ungrateful–I have given you everything you need!
CARLY
Except a mom! And dad never had a wife!
LAUREL SLAPS CARLY! The shock shoots through them both and Laurel’s eyes begin to water.
Carly caresses her cheek. They Stand in silence for a minute. Carly begins to tear up.
LAUREL
If you want off this boat, I suggest you help. Then, you can be rid of it.
Laurel empties her glass over the side of the boat and heads back in.
Carly continues nursing her face for a moment. She looks up at the sails laying limp against the mast.
INT. LAUREL’S CABIN – DAY
Laurel lays on her side of the bed, hand resting in the empty space next to her. Tears stream down her face.
LAUREL
I need help.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly can hear her mother crying. It may be the first time she’s ever heard that sound.
She sits at the table with the sailing book. She opens it and begins to flip through the pages.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
What I learned: This process of speed writing has been both helpful and challenging. Like when I started my Act 1, I’m coming up way light. However, when I finished ACT 1 it was just under page 25… so maybe ACT 2 will be similar. I’m also learning that I don’t always have to commit to writing in chronological order; which I’ve always known, but have never fully freed myself up to do.
INT. SALON – DAY
The creaking of mast rigging can be heard as the boat moves across the open water. The whole studio apartment sized salon rocks fore and aft under Laurel’s feet as she holds herself steady in the galley.
Her decorations are everywhere they shouldn’t. Objects are sliding and rolling on the floor back and forth. She watches the chaos helpless and unsure. She moves for the door…
I/E. YACHT
Laurel carefully maneuvers to the helm station. The WHEEL turns slightly back and forth as the autopilot does it’s job.
FLAPPING overhead. Above her she notices a corner of the sail fluttering in the wind. She just stares at it, uncertain.
Laurel attempts to pull on a line, loosen another, but nothing seems to work.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Carly lays on her back moaning with each downward movement her room makes.
She moves gingerly to her BAG and opens the zipper. Inside is a health food bar. She stares at it considering.
The room sinks on her again and her eyes roll back.
CARLY
My God, STOP!
She THROWS the bar across the cabin.
INT. SALON – DAY
Laurel sits the NAV STATION. The computer screen shows a live map with their location and direction.
She stares at the mess. Carefully she begins to clean up putting things back where she intended.
The boat doesn’t let up. No sooner does she set a SALT SHAKER in place does it slide off the table and BANG on the floor.
She grabs the SALT and PEPPER and chucks them into a cabinet and quickly SLAMS the door shut.
She sees Carly standing at the top of the stairs. They study each other for a moment.
Carly looks at the mess around the room.
CARLY
What happened here?
LAUREL
Why do you look like that?
CARLY
I’m sick. You don’t have anything, by chance?
LAUREL
Dramamine.
CARLY
Does it work?
Laurel heads to a storage compartment and opens it. She pulls a small bag out and opens it. Inside is a cough-drop like CANDY wrapped in paper.
LAUREL
I’ve been fine all morning. It will help. Coming up top may help too.
CARLY
Really?
LAUREL
I honestly don’t know. Fresh air. That’s all I’m saying.
Carly unwraps the candy and pops it into her mouth.
She heads for the door.
LAUREL
You need this outside.
Laurel hands her an EPIRB attached to a lanyard.
CARLY
What is this?
LAUREL
If you go overboard, that will save you. I’m honestly not sure I could get the boat back around to get you.
CARLY
What a comforting thought.
Carly takes it and steps out…
I/E. YACHT
Carly walks on the deck carefully taking her to the front of the boat. On the horizon she can still make out some mountain peaks.
The boat skirts over a wave and splashes forward. SEA SPRAY covers Carly’s face and hair. Her makeup runs.
The boat bucks agains and she falls for on the Catamaran’s trampoline face first. She grabs hold and she can just see the water rushing up to her face.
The salt-water baptizes her completely. Carly lays there, her hair destroyed, her dress soaked, her makeup a runny mess. Completely defeated.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly steps in — water dripping off of her once perfect hair.
Laurel watches her daughter come in, hiding her amusement as best she can.
CARLY
Not a word.
LAUREL
No. Did you happen to see–
CARLY
Not!… A word.
LAUREL
I have some clothes you could borrow.
Carly stops at the steps. Thinking.
CARLY
Like what.
LAUREL
Just a minute.
Laurel heads down to her own cabin.
Carly takes the time to look around a minute. Her mother’s decorations are strewn all over the floor — sliding back and forth with the boat.
LAUREL
Here you go.
Carly takes the clothes. Certainly more practical than what she’s currently wearing.
CARLY
Is that it?
LAUREL
Is that okay?
Carly looks around.
LAUREL
Yeah… I guess I’m not much of a sailer. Neither of us.
CARLY
Definitely not. Anyway…
(holds up clothes)
Thanks.
LAUREL
Sure.
Carly disappears down the stairs.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Laurel opens a tin CAN of beans. She dumps the entire thing into a POT.
INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER
Laurel sits at the nav station eating black beans from a bowl. The floor still littered by her failed decor.
Carly appears slowly. She looks around trying to ignore her mother.
LAUREL
There’s dinner.
Carly moves to the stove and lifts the lid on the pot.
CARLY
Dinner?
LAUREL
Feeling better?
CARLY
Some.
Carly grabs a BOWL and SPOON and empties the pot into her bowl.
Grabbing hand holds with her free hand she heads back downstairs and shuts the door.
INT. SALON – MORNING
Laurel works her can-opener on a tin of PEACHES. It pops open and she sticks a fork in.
The floor is still a mess, and Laurel takes to kicking things out of the way as she moves around.
Carly emerges. She’s clearly showered again, but she hasn’t dolled herself up like before. She’s wearing mom’s practical outfit — dressed for a day on the coast.
LAUREL
Morning. Did you sleep?
Carly looks around. Laurel holds up a can of peaches.
LAUREL
Hungry?
Carly grabs a bowl and offers it to her mother. Laurel pours half of her can into the bowl.
Carly take a fork and makes her way back down the steps to her cabin.
The door shuts.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel sits at the helm staring at the horizon. In the distance there are still signs of land. A stray mountain peak here and there.
Movement in the Salon’s windows catches her eye. It’s Carly searching the cabinets.
Laurel watches her find food and then head back downstairs. She sighs to herself.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Reaction to the Turning Point
What I learned: First off… blown away that I have started act two already. Two weeks ago this story was the simplest of ideas. Mostly each day I’m learning how much this method of speed writing will benefit me. Still struggling with wanting to go back to edit, but I’m mostly resisted.
INT. CARLY’S BATHROOM – DAY
CARLY
Oh my godddd.
Carly hugs the toilet — her face pale. The rest of her body sits on the small amount of floor her head (bathroom) provides.
CARLY
She’s going to kill me. My own mother.
BURP. She swallows hard trying to keep whatever she has left from coming up her esophagus.
THUD THUD. A knock at her cabin door. Carly sways to her feet grabbing whatever she can to steady herself on the rocking floor.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
LAUREL (V.O.)
Carly?
CARLY
Go away!
Carly waits.
LAUREL
Come out.
CARLY
I’ll come out when I see U-S soil!
Silence. Carly sits on her bed and looks out the window. The Horizon tilts back and forth — side to side. Carly feels a churning.
CARLY
Shit.
She tumbles to the head and VOMITS.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Carly moans and rolls sideways on her bed. She grabs her phone and opens it. As she figured; no signal. It’s now as worthless as a brick.
She tosses her phone away.
She pulls her BAG onto the bed and opens her makeup case. Looking into the small MIRROR…
CARLY
Jesus.
Her makeup is smeared. Her hair is unrecognizable.
CARLY
Okay. You can fix this. Maybe this can get my mind off of the CONSTANT ROCKING!
She gets to work removing her old makeup first using WIPES inside her bag.
She studies herself.
CARLY
Shower.
INT. CARLY’S BATHROOM – DAY
She turns on the shower nozzle. Gripping the sides she steps in. Steadying herself she slowly lets go off the walls and gently reaches for the SHAMPOO.
The boat tilts and she slams against the side!
CARLY
I HATE THIS BOAT!
Carly slips and tumbles to the shower floor.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – MOMENTS LATER
Wrapped in a towel and sitting on the bed, Carly opens her deluxe MAKEUP KIT. She pulls a makeup pin and pauses with it close to her face. Watching the horizon she waits for a steady moment.
She goes for it. Success! She continues on. Pausing and going as best she can between the roll of the waves.
INT. CARLY’S BATHROOM – DAY
She positions her feet in strong corners of the floor, widening her stance. One hand holds the counter, and the other reaches for a BLOW DRYER. She flips it on and it WHIRS to life.
Carly releases her other hand and grabs a comb. The boat, still rocking, tilts her backwards. Her butt hits the wall, but she doesn’t fall.
She locks her feet again, and leans back on the wall. Carly shrugs and gets to work on her hair.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
She lays out an outfit on the bed. SKIRT. TOP. She looks at her heels on the floor for a moment.
CARLY
You two are benched for the time being.
INT. CARLY’S BATHROOM
She checks herself in the mirror. Touching the hair in places; moving strands to where they should be.
She nods her approval.
CARLY
Me again.
She breathes out a small burp.
CARLY
Almost.
She walks back into…
INT. CARLY’S CABIN
Carly stops in the middle of the room holding onto a nearby doorframe. Then she sits on the bed. All dolled up with nowhere to go.
-
What I learned: This is hands down the fastest I’ve written an Act one. It’s not perfect, but there is something here, and I’m pleased. Yesterday I was a bit overwhelmed, but that has passed. Also… my first act hasn’t focused on my Protagonist as much, and it’s making me rethink the story a bit.
FADE IN:
I/E. CARLY’S CAR – DAY
CARLY SIMMONS (17), the high school dream girl, preps her hair to photo-ready perfection. She pouts her mouth slightly. Lips open — not too much. Her phone focuses. She squints and…
CLICK.
BRRRING! The scream of the school bell overtakes the parking lot.
TAP TAP. HANNAH (17), Carly’s sidekick in the ‘popular mean girls club,’ beckons outside her car.
HANNAH
Come on!
CARLY
Just a minute!
Carly gives her phone a few swipes, grabs her backpack and rushes after Hannah.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
A TEACHER instructs the class at the front. Carly sneaks a peek at her phone.
TEACHER
Carly.
Carly quickly puts the phone away.
TEACHER
Both your followers won’t miss you for one period.
The students laugh. Carly rolls her eyes.
INT. CORPORATE BOARDROOM – DAY
A long conferences table lined by SUITS of various type stretches out before LAUREL SIMMONS, 49, power business suit and a chiseled corporate grit. Million-dollar deals over brunch are therapeutic to her.
LAUREL
Knox International means a larger market impact for our eastern clients. We estimate a six percent jump in stock prices over the next quarter on top of our quarterly average of 3.5 percent that we’ve maintained since I came onboard.
There’s a round of applause from the room. In front of her, her phone vibrates. She cancels the call.
LAUREL
Questions?
BOARD MEMBER
Quite the presentation, Laurel. I think I speak for all of us on how impressed we are with your work on this deal. Has the board at Knox expressed any concern with the recent news?
LAUREL
I believe I’ve successfully assured them that Mr. Dallents’ retirement will have no affect on current operations, and that the next CEO, whoever he or she may be, will be carefully selected by this board to take us and Knox even further.
MR. DALLENTS (70s) stands at the ends of the table. He’s old, but very capable and alert. Not frail. He nods his approval.
MR. DALLENTS
My seat’s still warm, but it seems Mrs Simmons has someone in mind already.
A single CHUCKLE from one board member. Dallents holds his hand up.
MR. DALLENTS
I won’t have a vote on the matter. But if I did, she’d have mine.
He gives her the subtlest of nods.
LAUREL
Thank you, sir. Any other questions?
The doors open and an OFFICE ASSISTANT makes eye contact with Laurel. Laurel tries to ignore her as another board member begins talking.
The assistant walks in and right up to Laurel. She whispers in her ear. Laurel’s stone confidence begins to chip away in the confusion.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Lockers doors SLAM. Sneakers SCREECH the floors. Gossip fueled GIGGLES echoes down the corridor.
Carly approaches her classroom. Curiously standing outside the door, that bitch MRS. WHITAKER (40s) along with her PRINCIPAL (50s). The look on their faces… It’s dread. Carly pauses.
PRINCIPAL
Carly?
CARLY
What?
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
LAUREL SIMMONS (50) would normally never be seen outside of professional power business suit. But, right now her eyes are bloodshot with fatigue. Her makeup is twelve hours old and hair has taken a form of it’s own.
An OFFICE ASSISTANT nearby stares at her waiting.
LAUREL
(on phone)
No. I’m fine. No.
Laurel points to a drawer and the assistant moves. She opens it and pulls everything out sorting as she goes.
LAUREL
(on phone)
The deal stays. Draw it up. Have it in my inbox by morning.
(beat)
I can. Don’t tell me can’t, Frank.
She hangs up the phone, and get’s lost for a moment staring nowhere in particular.
ASSISTANT
Ma’am?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry.
ASSISTANT
I’ve sorted out as much as we have found. Bank records there. His personal ID and passports–
LAUREL
No one tells you how difficult it is to take care of someone after they die.
She sips from a wine glass nearby. A tear forms. Embarrassed, she quickly wipes it away.
The young assistant watches her helplessly.
LAUREL
Go home. It’s okay. Go on.
ASSISTANT
Is there… can I do–
LAUREL
No. Really.
BUZZZZ. They look at the desk.
LAUREL
That’s Philip’s phone.
Laurel takes the phone from the desk and swipes to answer.
LAUREL
Yes?
(beat)
This is his wife.
(beat)
I’m uh… Who?
(beat)
He’s… not–
(beat)
What? That’s… what??
INT. CARLY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Music pounds her head from the headphones. Her eyes are red. Laurel appears in her doorway speaking almost imperceptibly. Carly pulls off the headphones, and looks at her as if to say impatiently, “what?”
LAUREL
Dinner.
CARLY
Does your office slave cook too?
LAUREL
Come downstairs.
CARLY
I said no thanks.
Her headphones go back on. Laurel speaks again. Yelling, it almost comes through. Headphones back off.
CARLY
Jesus, what!
LAUREL
We’re going to France.
CARLY
The fu–France? I’m not going to France! I have finals.
LAUREL
We have to.
CARLY
I’m 18! I can make my own mind!
LAUREL
You’re 17.
CARLY
For six more weeks. Practically there already. What corporate bullshit is telling you to drag me to France?
LAUREL
Your father.
INT. PLANE – NIGHT
Laurel taps at keys on her laptop resting on her first-class tray table.
LAUREL
This is a 100 million dollar deal I’m now negotiating remotely.
CARLY
What’s your point?
LAUREL
This isn’t convenient for anyone.
CARLY
I’m being forced. This should be kidnapping.
LAUREL
You’re being dramatic.
CARLY
Why did he buy a boat?
Laurel pauses from her typing. Considering.
LAUREL
He always dreamed of sailing. Ever since… We went sailing. On our honeymoon.
Carly seems thoughtful.
CARLY
Well, I don’t get it. I hate the beach.
Carly puts her earbuds in.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
The sun shines bright on a bustling French, shipyard. A forest of tall mast can be spied in the distance.
YACHT REP
She’s been in the water for about two weeks. Just this way.
Carly follows behind at a distance. Eyes on her phone, but occasionally glancing up to find her bearings.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
Boats line the walkway on either side of all sizes. Many look very new or well cared for.
Carly pauses for a well composed selfie.
YACHT REP
Here.
Laurel looks where the rep is gesturing. Gently rocking in the water sits a beautiful, white CATAMARAN. Carly admires the boat for a moment.
YACHT REP
Please. This way.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel steps onto the deck gently. Takes it in, slowly. Studying the shape. It’s contours. Feeling it.
YACHT REP
45 feet long. Three cabins — the owner’s cabin is port, plus two smaller in the starboard hull. Solar. Water-maker. Auto-pilot.
INT. YACHT/SALON – DAY
Laurel slides the door open. The room is spacious and open. It’s a combined galley and living area.
LAUREL
My first apartment wasn’t near this nice.
YACHT REP
He wanted you to feel comfortable. He said this.
This visibly affects her. She spies a photo mounted on the wall. A family photo… Carly was much younger. Looking behind her she spots Carly -still on the dock, hands in pockets.
YACHT REP
Would you like to take her out?
(off her look)
It’s your vessel.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The sails, full of wind, pull them gently over the lapping waves of the Mediterranean. Laurel breaths in the air while the REP expertly helms the boat.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Laurel sits at a small desk. Phone to her ear.
LAUREL
Christ, I barely know anything. I’m emailing you the documentation right now.
GRANT (V.O.)
Just a minute.
(beat)
The board’s been asking about the Knox Deal. With you being out of town…
LAUREL
It’s done. Closed on it this morning.
GRANT (V.O.)
Damn. Good work.
(beat)
Got it. A forty-five?
LAUREL
I-I think so.
GRANT (V.O.)
That’s a good size.
LAUREL
So, an upgrade for you?
GRANT (V.O.)
A small one.
Laurel waits.
GRANT (V.O.)
I’m interested. But I need to see it.
LAUREL
Okay.
GRANT (V.O.)
Here. Talk to the builder. They should be able to deliver it.
(Beat)
But… are you sure?
LAUREL
Yes.
(beat)
You could speak to a board member.
KNOCK KNOCK.
BELL HOP (V.O.)
Room service.
Laurel shoots Carly a look. Carly smiles satisfyingly to her as she heads to the door.
GRANT (V.O.)
Laurel?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry, Grant.
LAUREL
The vote. Talk to Donaldson.
GRANT (V.O.)
You already have a lot of support.
LAUREL
I want to be sure.
GRANT (V.O.)
I’ll talk to him.
LAUREL
Boat’s on the way.
She hangs up the phone and closes her laptop. The bell hop has wheeled in quite the spread of appetizers. Laurel looks it over deciding.
CARLY
Did you sell it?
LAUREL
Honestly, what am I going to do with a forty-five foot sailboat?
CARLY
I don’t know.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
LAUREL
Six months?
YACHT REP
Yes. Is this a problem?
LAUREL
I’m trying to close a life changing deal here.
YACHT REP
Yes ma’am. But it’s a month of sailing just to get it there. And the crew.
LAUREL
Crew?
YACHT REP
It won’t sail itself.
Laurel looks out at the boats in the water. Thinking.
LAUREL
What if I take it?
YACHT REP
Excuse me?
LAUREL
It’s my vessel, right?
YACHT REP
Yes, but I–you can’t just sail across the Atlantic.
LAUREL
Don’t tell me can’t.
YACHT REP
Have you… Pardon, but have you ever sailed?
LAUREL
Once.
YACHT REP
Once.
LAUREL
I’m sure you have some instructors here. I’ll give you ten thousand dollars to get my daughter and I the basics before the week is done.
YACHT REP
Four days?
LAUREL
Four days.
YACHT REP
10 thousand U.S. Dollars?
LAUREL
Still think I can’t?
INT. RENTAL CAR – DAY
The car door shuts. Carly looks at her mother who seems as though she’s about to jump out of an airplane. Carly pulls out a single earbud.
CARLY
What?
(beat)
Hello? What?
LAUREL
We’re going sailing.
EXT. SHIPYARD – MOMENTS LATER
Carly SLAMS the door shut!
CARLY
Are you out of your mind!? You are out of your mind!
LAUREL
I think we can do it. But I need your help.
CARLY
No. NO! Put me on a plane!
LAUREL
Be reasonable.
CARLY
You put me on a goddamn plane right now!
Laurel focuses on her daughter.
LAUREL
No.
INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Laurel moves through the isles, one after the other, piling her cart with an insane amount of food. Heading down the canned isle, she piles in cans by the arm-full.
Carly follows behind her watching like watching a shipwreck. Laurel studies her overflowing cart.
LAUREL
We need another cart.
She snaps a look at Carly.
LAUREL
Carly! Cart.
Carly rolls her eyes and heads to the front of the store.
I/E. RENTAL CAR – DAY
Groceries fill the back seat obstructing the rearview mirror. Carly has her phone again. Texting.
CARLY TEXT: She’s gone absolutely mental.
HANNAH TEXT: Jesus, girl!
CARLY TEXT: Why am I being kidnapped to take part in her midlife crisis!
HANNAH TEXT: Ditching this place for Cali is sounding better all the time.
LAUREL
Who are you talking to?
Carly closes her phone. She looks out the window studying the French town’s shoreline. Masts everywhere.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
Laurel and Carly, assisted by two DOCK HANDS, push carts of groceries over the dock heading straight for their catamaran.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The sales rep watches from the pilot station as the groceries roll up.
YACHT REP
My God. This woman.
He steps to the rear of the boat to great them.
YACHT REP
You know weight matters, right.
LAUREL
(uncertain)
Yeah.
YACHT REP
Okay. What’s that cart.
Laurel looks over.
LAUREL
Decor.
YACHT REP
Decor.
LAUREL
If i’m going to make this place home for the next few weeks, it will be my home.
YACHT REP
Yes by you can’t–
LAUREL
Please. Don’t say I can’t.
The Yacht Rep considers for a moment, then he shrugs.
YACHT REP
Your vessel.
LAUREL
(to herself)
Damn right.
She hands the rep the first of many boxes.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
Carly steps onboard carrying her bag. The rep grabs her head to help her.
CARLY
She’s insane.
YACHT REP
There’s a time I would have given anything to be you right now.
CARLY
Then you’re insane.
Carly pushes past him and into the boat.
YACHT REP
(to Laurel)
Ready?
LAUREL
Yes.
YACHT REP
Can you stow lines?
LAUREL
I can.
Laurel kicks off her high heels and steps barefoot onto the deck. Her toes caress the surface for a moment. She heads to the first cleat and begins to undo the line.
The rep watches her with a hint of lust, but it is quickly checked with respect as he see her work.
INT. YACHT/CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Carly tosses her bag onto the bed. Her face is stone. She SCREAMS and kicks a panel.
She pulls her phone out. Drops onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. Opens the camera app. Tightening her brows she composes the angriest selfie of her online career.
CLICK. Typing…
CARLY
Hashtag: this… is… bullshit.
I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER
The yacht rocks over the sea. Laurel follows the rep over every inch of the helm station getting to know as much as she can.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
The boat rocks sideways and Carly slams against the side. She looks at the wall angrily. The boat keels a different way and Carly shuffle’s against it trying to keep her footing.
The boat tilts and Carly reels forward, arms flailing.
CARLY
STOP!
She grabs whatever she can and fighting every direction the boat kicks, she makes her way to a bathroom. Looking in she sees how small it is. The shower. The head. And a flush knob of a type she has never seen before.
CARLY
YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!
The boat kicks and Carly gets dumped backwards onto the floor.
EXT. MARINA – NIGHT
The catamaran gently bobs in it’s slip under a starry night.
INT. LAUREL’S CABIN – NIGHT
Laurel, reading glasses on, types at her computer. She tapes the trackpad and the familiar sound of an email sent SWOOSHES.
She breathes out the long day. Behind her, sits an empty bed. Made perfectly. She moves to the bed and lays down on the right side, leaving room for… him. She slides her hand over the empty place. Touches the unused pillow.
LAUREL
I’m sorry.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – DAY
DOCTOR
Ma’am?
Laurel has her phone.
LAUREL
I have to go. Get the documents finished up.
(hangs up)
Yes. Sorry… big day at work.
DOCTOR
Ma’am. Your husbands car…
LAUREL
How is he? Can I talk to him yet?
DOCTOR
Take a seat.
LAUREL
I’m fine, Doctor. It’s okay. Just take me back there.
DOCTOR
Ma’am.
The ER begins to slow down. The noise fades off as the doctors voices turns into a drone.
Laurel steps back resisting the news he’s sharing.
I/E. YACHT – MORNING
Laurel pulls on a line hand-over-hand. A giant purple sail billows up along the front of the boat. It catches wind and the boat leans into it ever so slightly.
YACHT REP
We’re going to trim the main back. We don’t want to stress it out to much.
LAUREL
Got it!
Laurel moves along the boat grabbing whatever she can to keep from falling.
INT. SALON – DAY
Carly watches through the windows as her mother moves around the deck.
She carefully moves to the seating area and opens her phone. Camera app opens and she composes another selfie. Switching apps she waits…. And waits. She looks closer. No bars!
She holds her phone in the air trying to find a signal. Nothing!
CARLY
Dammit! It’s a prison. She literally has me in a prison.
INT. CARLY’S HEAD – DAY
Carly preps her makeup. The bathroom slowly seesaws under her. She sways and grabs the wall.
The room rocks again and her makeup bag spills out it’s contents into the shower.
INT. SALON – DAY
Laurel positions a PLANT on the table. She holds it firm, then, slowly releases it and steps back. The boat tilts slightly and the plants slides a little. She jumps after it saving it from a fall.
She unravels a strip of tape, loops it over, and sticks it to the underside of the plant. She presses it firm on the table.
She steps back again, grabbing something nearby to hold herself steady. She watches the plant and nods approval.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The REP stands on the bow, pulling lines all around the boat. He gives Laurel a thumbs up.
Laurel, at the helm, pushes the twin throttles forward just a bit and the engines hum. The catamaran slips forward from it’s dock.
The Rep watches closely as the boat maneuvers thought the marina. As he does, he moves back to the helm station.
YACHT REP
You’re a quick study.
(beat)
Out there–it will take both of you.
INT. SALON – NIGHT
Laurel clicks through maps of the Mediterranean on her laptop–zooming in, and out again on various coastal towns.
She hears Carly climbing the steps from her side of the boat. Laurel looks over at her, but Carly ignores her, heading to a kitchen cabinet.
Carly searches the door for a handle or some way to open it.
LAUREL
The button.
CARLY
What?
LAUREL
You have to press that part. You got it.
The door swings open. Plates. She CLICKS the door shut and moves to the next one. Pots.
LAUREL
Looking for something?
CARLY
(sarcastically)
Liquor.
LAUREL
(points)
Over there.
Carly follows her point, then looks at her suspiciously. Laurel turns back to her laptop.
Carly finds a single bottle of gin. Pulling a plastic cup, she pours. It’s a bit too much.
LAUREL
If you’re wanting to be hungover on the open water tomorrow, I suppose that’s your business.
CARLY
I suppose it is.
Carly considers. She looks at the bottle and her cup. She quietly mouths a curse to herself, and walks over to the sink. She sets the bottle in the sink and tries terribly to pour some of the gin back into the bottle.
Carly corks and stows the bottle, then heads down the stairs.
LAUREL
Goodnight.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN
Carly shut’s the door without answering her mother. Her cabin is small. She stands in just about the only standing room space at the foot of her bed.
She raises her cup.
CARLY
Here’s to roughing it.
She drinks. She drinks all of it.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – MORNING
The port engine RUMBLES to life. Carly’s eyes blink open and squint at the daylight pouring into her cabin. Yesterday’s makeup still caked on her face.
She sits up and watches through the window. She can hear voices. Movement above. Foot falls on the deck.
Carly scrambles for her phone, and starts typing.
CARLY TEXT: I think we’re leaving.
Carly waits, but no response comes.
CARLY TEXT: Hello!? I won’t be able to talk for weeks!
Carly tucks her knees against her chest and composes another selfie. This one possibly the most depressed looking of her online career.
CARLY
(typing)
Last post for a while. Hashtag: trapped on the Atlantic.
The boat moves. She looks out the window and sees the dock moving away.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I Learned: Anyone else running short? I’m only on page ten. I’m going to keep going forward, but I am SO tempted to go back and edit. It’s very difficult.
INT. PLANE – NIGHT
Laurel taps at keys on her laptop resting on her first-class tray table.
LAUREL
This is a 100 million dollar deal I’m now negotiating remotely.
CARLY
What’s your point?
LAUREL
This isn’t convenient for anyone.
CARLY
I’m being forced. This should be kidnapping.
LAUREL
You’re being dramatic.
CARLY
Why did he buy a boat?
Laurel pauses from her typing. Considering.
LAUREL
He always dreamed of sailing. Ever since… We went sailing. On our honeymoon.
Carly seems thoughtful.
CARLY
Well, I don’t get it. I hate the beach.
Carly puts her earbuds in.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
The sun shines bright on a bustling French, shipyard. A forest of tall mast can be spied in the distance.
YACHT REP
She’s been in the water for about two weeks. Just this way.
Carly follows behind at a distance. Eyes on her phone, but occasionally glancing up to find her bearings.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
Boats line the walkway on either side of all sizes. Many look very new or well cared for.
Carly pauses for a well composed selfie.
YACHT REP
Here.
Laurel looks where the rep is gesturing. Gently rocking in the water sits a beautiful, white CATAMARAN. Carly admires the boat for a moment.
YACHT REP
Please. This way.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel steps onto the deck gently. Takes it in, slowly. Studying the shape. It’s contours. Feeling it.
YACHT REP
45 feet long. Three cabins — the owner’s cabin is port, plus two smaller in the starboard hull. Solar. Water-maker. Auto-pilot.
INT. YACHT/SALON – DAY
Laurel slides the door open. The room is spacious and open. It’s a combined galley and living area.
LAUREL
My first apartment wasn’t near this nice.
YACHT REP
He wanted you to feel comfortable. He said this.
This visibly affects her. She spies a photo mounted on the wall. A family photo… Carly was much younger. Looking behind her she spots Carly -still on the dock, hands in pockets.
YACHT REP
Would you like to take her out?
(off her look)
It’s your vessel.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
The sails, full of wind, pull them gently over the lapping waves of the Mediterranean. Laurel breaths in the air while the REP expertly helms the boat.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Laurel sits at a small desk. Phone to her ear.
LAUREL
Christ, I barely know anything. I’m emailing you the documentation right now.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Just a minute.
(beat)
The board’s been asking about the Knox Deal. With you being out of town…
LAUREL
It’s done. Closed on it this morning.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Damn. Good work.
(beat)
Got it. A forty-five?
LAUREL
I-I think so.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
That’s a good size.
LAUREL
So, an upgrade for you?
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
A small one.
Laurel waits.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
I’m interested. But I need to see it.
LAUREL
Okay.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Here. Talk to the builder. They should be able to deliver it.
(Beat)
But… are you sure?
LAUREL
Yes.
(beat)
You could speak to a board member.
Carly watches her from the bed.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Yes?
LAUREL
The vote. Talk to Donaldson.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
You already have a lot of support.
LAUREL
I want to be sure.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
I’ll talk to him.
LAUREL
Boat’s on the way.
She hangs up the phone and closes her laptop.
CARLY
Did you sell it?
LAUREL
Honestly, what am I going to do with a forty-five foot sailboat?
CARLY
I don’t know.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
LAUREL
Six months?
YACHT REP
Yes. Is this a problem?
LAUREL
I’m trying to close a life changing deal here.
YACHT REP
Yes ma’am. But it’s a month of sailing just to get it there. And the crew.
LAUREL
Crew?
YACHT REP
It won’t sail itself.
Laurel looks out at the boats in the water. Thinking.
LAUREL
What if I take it?
YACHT REP
Excuse me?
LAUREL
It’s my vessel, right?
YACHT REP
Yes, but I–you can’t just sail across the Atlantic.
LAUREL
Don’t tell me can’t.
YACHT REP
Have you… Pardon, but have you ever sailed?
INT. RENTAL CAR – DAY
The car door shuts. Carly looks at her mother who seems as though she’s about to jump out of an airplane. Carly pulls out a single earbud.
CARLY
What?
(beat)
Hello? What?
LAUREL
We’re going sailing.
EXT. SHIPYARD – MOMENTS LATER
Carly SLAMS the door shut!
CARLY
Are you out of your mind!? You are out of your mind!
LAUREL
I think we can do it. But I need your help.
CARLY
No. NO! Put me on a plane!
LAUREL
Be reasonable.
CARLY
You put me on a goddamn plane right now.
Laurel focuses on her daughter.
LAUREL
No.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel stands at the helm. She turns the key and the ignition rolls over. The twin engines HUM to life in the water. She walks around the boat pulling lines and doing her best to arrange them in some reasonable order on the deck.
INT. YACHT/CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Carly tosses her bag onto the bed. Her face is stone. She SCREAMS and kicks a panel.
She pulls her phone out. Drops onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. Opens the camera app. Tightening her brows she composes the angriest selfie of her online career.
CLICK. Typing…
CARLY
Hashtag: this… is… bullshit.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Laurel gently pushes the throttle, and the Catamaran nudges forward from it’s slip.
-
What I learned: My inciting incident was also the same scene where we first see my other main character. Thinking through that today, I’m not sure it works. So, I rewrote. One character received a name change. I feel like I’m missing a scene now. But I’m going to press forward and try to resist the temptation to edit.
Inciting Incident Scene:
Laurel on her phone in her husbands study. She’s insisting a business deal move forward.
Going through his things… sorting out his life.
Husbands phone rings. She discovers the boat.
Reaction Scene:
Laurel tells Carly about the boat… and that they are going to Europe. Not sure how long.
Carly refuses.
Laurel tells her she doesn’t have a choice.
——
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
LAUREL SIMMONS (50) would normally never be seen outside of professional power business suit. But, right now her eyes are bloodshot with fatigue. Her makeup is twelve hours old and hair has taken a form of it’s own.
An OFFICE ASSISTANT nearby stares at her waiting.
LAUREL
(on phone)
No. I’m fine. No.
Laurel points to a drawer and the assistant moves. She opens it and pulls everything out sorting as she goes.
LAUREL
(on phone)
The deal stays. Draw it up. Have it in my inbox by morning.
(beat)
I can. Don’t tell me can’t, Frank.
She hangs up the phone, and get’s lost for a moment staring nowhere in particular.
ASSISTANT
Ma’am?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry.
ASSISTANT
I’ve sorted out as much as we have found. Bank records there. His personal ID and passports–
LAUREL
No one tells you how difficult it is to take care of someone after they die.
She sips from a wine glass nearby. A tear forms. Embarrassed, she quickly wipes it away.
The young assistant watches her helplessly.
LAUREL
Go home. It’s okay. Go on.
ASSISTANT
Is there… can I do–
LAUREL
No. Really.
BUZZZZ. They look at the desk.
LAUREL
That’s Philip’s phone.
Laurel takes the phone from the desk and swipes to answer.
LAUREL
Yes?
(beat)
This is his wife.
(beat)
I’m uh… Who?
(beat)
He’s… not–
(beat)
What? That’s… what??
INT. CARLY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Music pounds her head from the headphones. Her eyes are red. Laurel appears in her doorway speaking almost imperceptibly. Carly pulls off the headphones, and looks at her as if to say impatiently, “what?”
LAUREL
Dinner.
CARLY
No thanks.
LAUREL
Come downstairs.
CARLY
I said no thanks.
Her headphones go back on. Laurel speaks again. Yelling, it almost comes through. Headphones back off.
CARLY
Jesus, what!
LAUREL
We’re going to France.
CARLY
The fu–France? I’m not going to France! I have finals.
LAUREL
We have to.
CARLY
I’m 18! I can make my own mind!
LAUREL
You’re 17.
CARLY
For six more weeks. Practically there already. What corporate bullshit is telling you to drag me to France?
LAUREL
Your father.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned today: This is the fastest I’ve ever written a scene. I hope it continues. This was also a difficult day for me to get started. If I wasn’t doing this class, I would have skipped today. Pushing myself was very helpful and now I’m glad I did it.
CARLY’S OPENING SCENE OUTLINE:
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: Bell rings, but Carly is busy posting on social media.
Middle: Friends run by her heading inside and insist she hurry with them.
End: She encounters her teacher and principal in the hallway.
MOM’S OPENING SCENE OUTLINE:
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Beginning: Going through her husbands things. An office assistant is there helping her.
Middle: Crying. The office assistant doesn’t know what to do.
End: The phone call. There’s a boat.
SCENES:
I/E. CARLY’S CAR – DAY
CARLY SIMMONS (17), the high school dream girl, preps her hair to photo-ready perfection. She pouts her mouth slightly. Lips open — not too much. Her phone focuses. She squints and…
CLICK.
BRRRING! The scream of the school bell overtakes the parking lot.
TAP TAP. HANNAH (17) beckons outside her car.
HANNAH
Come on!
CARLY
Just a minute!
Carly gives her phone a few swipes, grabs her backpack and rushes after Hannah.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Lockers doors SLAM. Sneakers SCREECH the floors. Gossip fueled GIGGLES echoes down the corridor.
Carly approaches her classroom. Curiously standing outside the door, that bitch MRS. WHITAKER (40s) along with her PRINCIPAL (50s). The look on their faces… It’s dread. Carly pauses.
PRINCIPAL
Carly?
CARLY
What?
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
LAURELLE SIMMONS (50) would normally never be seen outside of professional power business suit. But, right now her eyes are bloodshot with fatigue. Her makeup is twelve hours old and hair has taken a form of it’s own.
An OFFICE ASSISTANT nearby stares at her waiting.
LAURELLE
That box.
ASSISTANT
I checked.
LAURELLE
Check again!
The assistant open the box and beings emptying the contents neatly on the floor.
ASSISTANT
It’s just old papers.
Laurelle sits on the floor exhaling. She sips from a wine glass nearby. A tear forms. Embarrassed, she quickly wipes it away.
The young assistant watches her helplessly.
LAURELLE
Go home. It’s okay. Go on.
ASSISTANT
See you tomorrow?
LAURELLE
Yes.
BUZZ. They both look at the desk.
LAURELLE
That’s Philip’s phone.
Laurelle takes the phone from the desk and swipes to answer.
LAURELLE
Yes?
(beat)
This is his wife.
(beat)
I’m uh… I’m sorry, what?
-
WHAT I LEARNED: My theme has changed. It wasn’t what I originally thought. It’s better, I hope.
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PROLOGUE: A sail backlight by a rising sun fills with air. Voice Over of Carly explaining the one direction a sailboat can’t go — upwind. This causes the boat to stall and is called “In Irons.”
—— ACT 1 ——
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Opening: The bell rings but Carly’s busy composing her first selfie of the day. Classmates rush past her to make it to class on time. Approaching her class, she notices the principal and her teacher standing just outside. Their faces are grim. They tell her there’s been an accident. What follows is a montage of events ending at her Father’s funeral.
INT. HOME – DAY
Inciting Incident: Getting her husbands affairs in order. Working remotely at the same time. Line to employee over phone, “Don’t tell me I can’t” do something work related. Carly’s mother discovers the boat purchase, and that the new yacht is near completion.
They travel to Europe.
INT. PLANE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Mom continues work on the plane. Discussion about the boat. Carly hates the ocean. “I hate the beach.” >> puts in earbuds.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: First time seeing/touring the boat. A family photo hangs inside, by request of Carly’s late father.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: The yacht builder takes them on a demo cruise to show off the boat. Carly, tries to upload a selfie, but discovers she doesn’t have service.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
EVENT: A coworker of Carly’s mom (a member of the board) expresses interest in the boat, but needs it brought back to the states. Mom sees an opportunity to influence the vote for the next CEO. The board member already supports her, but maybe he’d be willing to push the rest.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
EVENT: Carly’s mom speaks to builder about delivering boat. This doesn’t work out. She suggests sailing it herself. The builder tells her that’s not a good idea. “Don’t tell me I can’t….”
She decides to sail it there herself and bring Carly along.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Carly protests!
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Turning Point: They stock the boat, and set sail from the harbor.
—— ACT 2 ——
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
New Plan: Carly commits to locking herself away the entire trip. Mom tries keeping her penthouse-like decorations from crashing to the deck as the boat rocks.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Plan In Action: The confines of a yacht cabin wear on Carly. She’s feeling sea-sick, and struggles against the constant rocking.
Mom struggles managing the boat on her own — trimming sails.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Carly comes out. Her mother’s things are all over the place; the salon is a wreck. Her mom — worn out — asks her to take the helm. At the helm, she finds herself completely lost and unsure of anything. Autopilot does the job, but she’s uncertain of anything she’s looking at.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
EVENT: Dinner is very humble — canned food with little talking. Carly discovers her mom’s book on sailing. She quietly takes it to her own cabin.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
PLACE HOLDER: The first time Carly can’t see land. She’s surrounded by water.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point: The wind has died down and they are adrift at sea. Not wanting to use their gas they find themselves stuck. Carly blows up. “YOU’RE NEVER AROUND! I DON’T NEED YOU”
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Mom alone outside. Asking for help from her late husband. She speaks to the boat. “What do you want?” The wind returns.
—— ACT 3 ——
INT. YACHT – EVENING
EVENT: Carly sits in the salon. On the horizon she sees a storm, and watches it. For the first time she tries to take a picture that doesn’t include herself.
INT. YACHT – DAY
Rethink Everything: Carly exploring the boat. Learning. She’s halfway through the book, skimming through different sections. She’s testing herself with a line to tie certain knots. She finds a sailing chart at the nav station and opens it. She peeks at the Atlantic — the trip they are on — and then unfolds the map further. There is SO much more out there. Her trip seems so small!
EXT. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Putting what she has learned to use, she hoists a sail on her own. It grabs the wind and feels powerful. She photographs it. Mom watches from inside.
EXT. YACHT – DAY
New Plan: They try fishing, and make a catch! Carly takes the helm as her mother wrestles in a monster!
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Gutting a large fish! Laughter, but gross!
INT. YACHT – NIGHT
Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Carly’s mom reveals the buyer; a board member in her company. He’s offered cash and she’s hoping this seals the vote for her to become the next CEO. Carly lies saying she hates the salt water — pretending she doesn’t care.
—— Act 4 ——
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Land ho! They prepare the boat for the marina. Carly gets her first notification on her phone. She’s flooded with unanswered texts and social media notifications. It’s too much, and she turns her phone off.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Carly forgives and asks for forgiveness.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
Resolution: They reach the shore. Carly asks for a loan to buy the boat.
EXT. YACHT – DAY
Epilogue: Carly has been sailing for a while. She’s barefoot. Her skin is freckled and tan. Her hair is sun-bleached and decorated with beads from whatever island she has been to along the way. The next marina is ahead and she’s preparing lines and fenders; singlehanded. She calls out “Okay!” As if she’s ready.
Her mother is at the helm. Confident and beaming.
-
PETER BIRDSONG’S HIGH SPEED BEAT SHEET
WHAT I LEARNED: High-speed writing! This is a game changer for me. I hope it stays that way. I never thought I could have a beat sheet like this ready so soon!
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PROLOGUE: A sail backlight by a rising sun fills with air. Voice Over of Carly explaining the one direction a sailboat can’t go — up wind. This causes the boat to stall and is called “In Irons.”
—— ACT 1 ——
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Opening: The bell rings but Carly’s busy composing her first selfie of the day. Classmates rush past her to make it to class on time. Approaching her class, she notices the principal and her teacher standing just outside. Their faces are grim. They tell her there’s been an accident. What follows is a montage of events ending at her Father’s funeral.
INT. HOME – DAY
Inciting Incident: Getting her husbands affairs in order, Carly’s mother discovers the boat purchase, and that the new yacht is near completion. They travel to Europe.
INT. PLANE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Something here about the boat, and speculating why he bought it. Carly hates the ocean. “I hate the beach.” >> puts in earbuds.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: First time seeing/touring the boat. A family photo hangs inside, by request of Carly’s father.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: The yacht builder takes them on a demo cruise to show off the boat. Carly, tries to upload a selfie, but discovers she doesn’t have service.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
EVENT: A coworker of Carly’s mom (a member of the board) expresses interest in the boat, but needs it brought back to the states. Mom sees an opportunity to influence the vote for the next CEO. The board member already supports her, but maybe he’d be willing to push the rest.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
EVENT: Carly’s mom speaks to builder about delivering boat. This doesn’t work out. She decides to sail it there herself and bring Carly along.
EXT. SHIPYARD – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Carly protests!
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Turning Point: They set sail from the harbor.
—— ACT 2 ——
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
New Plan: Carly commits to locking herself away the entire trip. Mom tries keeping her penthouse-like decorations from crashing to the deck as the boat rocks.
INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY
Plan In Action: The confines of a yacht cabin wear on Carly. She’s feeling sea-sick, and struggles against the constant rocking.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Carly comes out. Topside hasn’t faired much better as she sees her mother’s things are all over the place. The salon is a wreck. Her mom, asks her to take the helm. At the helm, she finds herself completely lost and unsure of anything. Autopilot does the job, but she’s uncertain of anything she’s looking at.
I/E. YACHT – NIGHT
EVENT: Dinner is very humble — canned food — with little talking. Carly discovers her mom’s book on sailing. She takes it to her own cabin.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
PLACE HOLDER: The first time Carly can’t see land. She’s surrounded by water.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point: The wind has died down and they are adrift at sea. Not wanting to use their gas they find themselves stuck. Carly blows up. “YOU’RE NEVER AROUND! I DON’T NEED YOU”
—— ACT 3 ——
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Mom alone outside. Asking for help from her late husband. The wind returns.
INT. YACHT – EVENING
EVENT: Carly sits in the salon. Only the red nightlights are on. On the horizon she sees a storm, and watches it. For the first time she tries to take a picture that doesn’t include herself.
INT. YACHT – DAY
Rethink Everything: Carly exploring the boat. Learning. She’s halfway through the book, skimming through different sections. She’s testing herself with a line to tie certain knots. She finds a sailing chart at the nav station and opens it. She peeks at the Atlantic — the trip they are on — and then unfolds the map further. There is SO much more out there. Her trip seems so small!
EXT. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Putting what she has learned to use, she hoists a sail on her own. It grabs the wind and feels powerful. She photographs it. Mom watches from inside.
EXT. YACHT – DAY
New Plan: They try fishing, and make a catch! Carly takes the helm as her mother wrestles in a monster!
EXT. YACHT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Gutting a large fish! Laughter, but gross!
INT. YACHT – NIGHT
Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Carly’s mom reveals the buyer; a board member in her company. He’s offered cash and she’s hoping this seals the vote for her to become the next CEO. Carly lies saying she hates the salt water — pretending she doesn’t care.
—— Act 4 ——
I/E. YACHT – DAY
EVENT: Land ho! They prepare the boat for the marina. Carly gets her first notification on her phone. She’s flooded with unanswered texts and social media notifications. It’s too much, and she turns her phone off.
I/E. YACHT – DAY
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Carly forgives and asks for forgiveness.
EXT. MARINA – DAY
Resolution: They reach the shore. Carly asks for a loan to buy the boat.
EXT. YACHT – DAY
Epilogue: Carly has been sailing for a while. She’s barefoot. Her skin is freckled and tan. Her hair is sun-bleached and decorated with beads from whatever island she has been to along the way. The next marina is ahead and she’s preparing the lines and fenders; singlehanded. She calls out behind her “Okay!” As if she’s ready.
Her mother is at the helm. Confident and beaming.
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Peter Birdsong’s Transformational Events
What I learned: I see a story shaping here! I really love this process. It makes a lot of sense. This really helped me think more about the transformation my character needs and how this process will bring it more to the front.
I’m doing better than I thought I would with the “don’t worry about it being perfect” ideal. I’m a perfectionist, and I share that realizing what a handicap it is.
Old Ways:
– Obsessed with social media — selfies
– Blames her mother.
– Driven by pride.
– Naive
New Ways:
– Cuts herself off from social media.
– Forgives her mother.
– Chooses a life of humility.
– Gains Experience
Changes Needed:
Believe that her value is not centered on her looks.
Choose to accept that there is always more to learn.
Learn to operate a sailboat.
Realize there is a larger world out there that she doesn’t control
Pursue a new life that isn’t centered on self.
Decide to forgive her mother.
Become a sailor and embrace the open water.
Dramatic Scenes:
– Pulled from school on the news Father was in an accident.
– Later, Mom takes Carly to Europe where her Father’s boat was being built.
– On the open water, Carly encounters her first moment digitally cut off and unable to upload a selfie.
– Her first moment at the helm she has no idea what to do. She’s forced to have her mother instruct.
– She finds a book in her mother’s things on sailing and begins to flip through it.
– Taking a night watch, she becomes transfixed at the beauty of a distant storm on the ocean.
– She uses her phone to start taking pictures of the journey… not selfies.
– Closing in on their destination, she realizes the journey is coming to an end and she doesn’t want it to.
– Carly asks for a loan from her mother to buy the sailboat.
—— ACT 1 ——
Opening: Introduction to Carly, the popular girl —the star of the school, but not of the educators. She’s pulled from class suddenly by her mother — whom she calls by name — on the news their father was killed in an accident.
Inciting Incident: Her mother takes her to Europe to see the new boat that is near completion. Mom informs her of the plan to sail it back to the states to sell.
EVENT: Carly discovers there is no internet on the open water.
Turning Point: After some professional introductions to the boat, they set sail to cross the Atlantic.
—— ACT 2 ——
New Plan: Carly commits to locking herself away the entire trip. Mom tries keeping her penthouse-like decorations from crashing to the deck as the boat rocks.
Plan In Action: The confines of a yacht cabin wear on Carly. She grits her teeth, but her boycott doesn’t last long.
EVENT: Carly’s first moment at the helm she has no idea what to do. She’s forced to have her mother instruct.
EVENT: Carly finds a book in her mother’s things on sailing and begins to flip through it.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mom’s decorations are all over the place — the interior is a wreck. They blow up at each other.
—— ACT 3 ——
EVENT: Taking a night watch, Carly becomes transfixed at the beauty of a distant storm on the ocean.
Rethink Everything: Carly begins to learn about the boat. Mom cleans “house” throwing her high end arts pieces into an empty cabin.
EVENT: She uses her phone to start taking pictures of the journey… not selfies.
New Plan: Carly and Mom take on some of the sailing duties together.
Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Carly discovers that her Mom is taking over the company. Carly breaks down in private.
—— Act 4 ——
EVENT: Closing in on their destination, she realizes the journey is coming to an end and she doesn’t want it to.
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Carly forgives and asks for forgiveness.
Resolution: They reach the shore. Carly asks for a loan to buy the boat.
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Peter Birdsong’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned: This was an entirely knew way for me to breakdown my script. Instead of plot points, I’m doing character points! This seems so obvious, but I realize I’ve been doing things backwards in the past.
Concept: After her father dies, Carly’s mother decides to take her on a sailing trip to repair their relationship.
Main Conflict: Carly has her own plans and no desire to patch things up with her mother. The sailboat isolates the two for a month.
Carly’s Old Ways:
Obsessed with social media.
Blames her mother.
Driven by pride.
Naive
Carly’s New Ways:
Cuts herself off from social media.
Forgives her mother.
Chooses a life of humility.
Gains Experience
—— ACT 1 ——
Opening: Introduction to Carly, the popular girl —the star of the school, but not of the educators. She’s pulled from class suddenly but her mother — whom she calls by name — on the news their father was killed in an accident.
Inciting Incident: Her mother takes her to Europe to see the new boat that is near completion. Mom informs her of the plan to sail it back to the states to sell.
Turning Point: After some professional introductions to the boat, they set sail to cross the Atlantic.
—— ACT 2 ——
New Plan: Carly commits to locking herself away the entire trip. Mom tries keeping her penthouse-like decorations from crashing to the deck as the boat rocks.
Plan In Action: The confines of a yacht cabin wear on Carly. She grits her teeth, but her boycott doesn’t last long.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mom’s decorations are all over the place — the interior is a wreck. They blow up at each other.
—— ACT 3 ——
Rethink Everything: Carly begins to learn about the boat. Mom cleans “house” throwing her high end arts pieces into an empty cabin.
New Plan: Carly and Mom take on some of the sailing duties together.
Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Carly discovers that her Mom is taking over the company. Carly breaks down in private.
—— Act 4 ——
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Carly forgives and asks for forgiveness.
Resolution: They reach the shore. Carly asks for a loan to buy the boat.
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Peter BIrdsong’s Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment: For one, I learned my Protagonist, Carly, has a boyfriend. HAHA! Seriously… this helped me get in their heads, and I genuinely discovered things. Their characters are becoming far more three dimensional.
(Maybe I’m dense but I wasn’t entirely clear if I’m to post my complete interview. Anyone else? Oh well, I’ll add it just in case, along with my updated profiles.)
INTERVIEWS:
QUESTIONS FOR CARLY
Tell me about yourself.
I’m on the Cheer Squad — GO SAINTS! My boyfriend is on the basketball team. I used to date the quarterback, but Samantha can have him.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
“Forced” you mean. Forced on this journey. On this stupid attempt my mom is making to apologize years too late. But, if I can suffer two semesters dating Craig, I can suffer a month with her.
You are up against Mom. What is it about Mom that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
It’s just mom. The hardest part is being disconnected from my accounts while on the open water. How can she ask me to put my brand on pause? Just because she’s having a midlife crisis doesn’t mean she has to drag me into it.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I guess I have to learn to sail. (LAUGHS). You know, she might take the boat and trap me forever, I need to know how to operate it. I’m going to have to learn how to let my connections go… that will be hard. That is what defines me — my popularity, I mean.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
Like I said above, my popularity. I crave the spotlight. It makes me feel loved and important.
What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
I’ve always set the terms. Or, I’ve tried to. This time the terms are being set for me. What if I’m not famous? People forget I exist? This month on the sea — cutoff — could hurt the brand I’m trying to build around myself.
What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
I’m athletic and a capable learner. This will help me in managing whatever it is you do on a boat out in the open water.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
High School is a waste. Education in general is a waste. You know adults my age — yes, I consider myself an adult — are making more money than the average household income through social media? Mom wouldn’t get it, but getting my brand off the ground means ditching school forever. I’ve already ditched most of this semester, but she hasn’t a clue.
What do you think of Mom?
I wish she had been around. I think she skipped out on Dad and me to climb a corporate ladder. Well, she won. Bravo. But she missed out on Dad, and she’s going to miss out on me.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
My side is she should sell the boat where it is. Why move it here? Why the extra work? And why rip my from my personal life to do it? I find this entire thing unnecessary.
What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
If I get what I want, this will be the last time I allow someone to control my life. But, if can see it going a different direction. What if we reconnect? My idea of success may not be a success story after all.
QUESTIONS FOR MOM
Tell me about yourself.
I’m the vice president of marketing for a large corporate entity that operates globally but is based on the East Coast. I spend most days in meetings or on the road. Since taking the role four years ago, the company’s stock has climbed an average of fifteen percent annually, and our market cap is closing in on 1 trillion dollars.
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
I’ve never encountered a task I could not manage. My weakness is certainly that I have never once sailed a boat. Well, not true. I took a class with my husband because HE wanted to, but nothing afterward. I’ve never captained — helmed? — a boat on my own. I’ve arranged a few lessons before our departure. Strengths? Money. I’ve paid to upgrade the boat significantly. Hopefully that will help us.
Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?
When my husband died, I realized the lie I had told myself for years, “there’s time.” There isn’t, or we should behave as though there isn’t. My husband dreamed of sailing, and I don’t know why. I hope my daughter and I can discover that together.
What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
I messed up. I don’t even know her, and I want to. But, I hope she can forgive me. I hope I can forgive myself for missing out on two lives.
What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
Reconnecting with my daughter. Reconnecting with my late husband.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?
The secret I keep…. I’m being promoted.
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
I’m a fast learner. Focus. I’m a force when I put my mind to something. Maybe that’s where my daughter gets it from.
What do you think of Carly?
I want the best for her. As it turns out, the best was me… and I often didn’t give her that.
PROFILES:
CARLY
Carly (Protagonist/Antagonist)
Type: Dreamer / Change AgentRoll: She’s a dreamer. Typical self-seeking teen who believes she’s figured out the world and doesn’t need anyone’s help.
Age: 17
Internal Journey: From prideful and crass to humble and gentle.
External Journey: From a weak teen without a clear direction to a strong young lady with a goal.
Motivation: To become famous thereby feeling everyone loves her.
Wound: Father was killed in accident. Mom wasn’t present in her life.
Mission/Agenda: To get back to her own life. To be in control.
Secret: She intends to drop out of school and is currently failing. But her plan to succeed isn’t taking off as should would have everyone believe.
What makes her special: Being a cheerleader, she very athletic. She’s a fast study when the subject interests her.
What draws us to this character? She’s the high school dream girl. Her perfect hair and makeup means her appearance is a bit fragile in the elements. She doesn’t belong on a boat, but finds herself there anyway. Hidden beneath is a strong, capable young lady who’s a quick learner. Maybe a trait she inherited from Mom.
Traits: Athletic. Bold. Ambitious. Fearless.
Subtext: Her persona is practiced. She sees herself as a brand that needs to be maintained and promoted. This leads to hours of careful prep daily. She uses this to hide the real self.
Flaw: Her irresponsibility.
Values: Truth. Popularity. Beauty.
Irony: Outwardly rejects her mother. Inwardly wishes she had someone she could call a mom.
What makes this the right character for this role? She’s tied to her mother not only in birth but in a shared tragedy — her father’s death. This sets them both on the journey her father had dreamed of taking himself.
MOM
“Mom” Name TBD (Antagonist/Protagonist)
Type: Change Agent / Runner
Roll: A business woman who’s desperate to reconnect with her daughter after tragically losing her husband.
Age: Late 40s
Internal Journey: From guilt to forgiving herself
External Journey: From career focused to family focused.
Motivation: Feel a connection with her late husband
Wound: Husband is dead. Daughter’s relationship is destroyed
Mission/Agenda: To deliver her husbands boat to a potential buyer.
Secret: She’s been asked to take over the company.
What makes her special: She’s a problem solver able to analyze situations and learn to change them or adapt.
What draws us to this character? She’s mentally tough. A smart negotiator. She’s underestimated in every initial meeting, and she’s learned to use that to her advantage. Give her thirty minutes and she’ll own the room.
Traits: Guarded. Bold. Focused. Distrusting.
Subtext: She is all business — dress and demeanor. Her guard is always up; which she’s used to protect her long corporate climb.
Flaw: Her job has been her highest value.
Values: Career. Honesty. Her daughter. (Possibly in that order)
Irony:
What makes this the right character for this role? Her husband’s boat is left behind after her death, and it’s her responsibility to either keep it, or sale it. But what does she know about about the open water? Selling is the logical step.
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Peter Birdsong’s Character Profile Part 2
EDIT: I forgot to add what I learned: Overall, I’m learning to tackle this in smaller chucks. Instead of sitting down and thinking, “sheesh, I have to come up with so much stuff!” I’m feeling less overwhelmed. Thinking about the internal irony of a character is eye-opening.
Carly (Protagonist/Antagonist)
Type: Dreamer / Change Agent“Mom” Name TBD (Antagonist/Protagonist)
Type: Change Agent / Runner
Other possible characters…
Background characters at Carly’s school and Employees at “Mom’s” company.
Genre: DRAMA
CARLY
Roll: She’s a dreamer. Typical self-seeking teen who believes she’s figured out the world and doesn’t need anyone.
Age: 17
Internal Journey: From prideful and crass to humble and gentle.
External Journey: From a weak teen without a clear direction to a strong young lady with a goal.
Motivation: To become famous thereby feeling everyone loves her.
Wound: Father was killed in accident. Mom wasn’t present.
Mission/Agenda: To get back to her own life away from Mom.
Secret: She intends to drop out of school.
What makes her special: Being a cheerleader, she very athletic. She’s a fast study when the subject interests her.
What draws us to this character? She’s the high school dream girl. Her perfect hair and makeup means her appearance is a bit fragile in the elements. She doesn’t belong on a boat, but finds herself there anyway. Hidden beneath is a strong, capable young lady who’s a quick learner. Maybe a trait she inherited from Mom.
Traits: Athletic. Bold. Ambitious.
Subtext: Her persona is practiced. She sees herself as a brand that needs to be maintained and promoted. This leads to hours of careful prep daily. She uses this to hide the real self.
Flaw: Her irresponsibility. She’s lazy.
Values: Truth. Popularity. Beauty.
Irony: Outwardly rejects her mother. Inwardly wishes she had someone she could call a mom.
What makes this the right character for this role? She’s tied to her mother not only in birth but in a shared tragedy — her father’s death. This sets them both on the journey her father had dreamed of taking himself.
MOM
Roll: A business woman who’s desperate to reconnect with her daughter after tragically losing her husband.
Age: Late 40s
Internal Journey: From guilt to forgiving herself
External Journey: From career focused to family focused.
Motivation: Feel a connection with her late husband
Wound: Husband is dead. Daughter’s relationship is destroyed
Mission/Agenda: To deliver her husbands boat to a potential buyer.
Secret: She’s been asked to take over the company.
What makes her special: She’s a problem solver able to analyze situations and learn to change them or adapt.
What draws us to this character? She’s mentally tough. A smart negotiator. She’s underestimated in every initial meeting, and she’s learned to use that to her advantage. Give her thirty minutes and she’ll own the room.
Traits: Guarded. Bold. Focused. Distrusting.
Subtext: She is all business — dress and demeanor. Her guard is always up; which she’s used to protect her long corporate climb.
Flaw: Her job has been her highest value.
Values: Career. Honesty. Her daughter. (Possibly in that order)
Irony:
What makes this the right character for this role? Her husband’s boat is left behind after her death, and it’s her responsibility to either keep it, or sale it. But what does she know about about the open water? Selling is the logical step.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Peter Birdsong.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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Peter Birdsong Character Profiles – Part 1
Carly (Protagonist)
Type: Dreamer
“Mom” Name TBD (Antagonist)
Type: Change Agent
Other possible characters…
Background characters at Carly’s school and Employees at “Mom’s” company.
Genre: DRAMA
Carly
Roll: She’s a dreamer. Typical self-seeking teen who believes she’s figured out the world and doesn’t need anyone.
Age: 17
Internal Journey: From prideful and crass to humble and gentle.
External Journey: From a weak teen without a clear direction to a strong young lady with a goal.
Motivation: To become famous thereby feeling everyone loves her.
Wound: Father was killed in accident. Mom wasn’t present.
Mission/Agenda: To get back to her own life away from Mom.
Secret: She intends to drop out of school.
What makes her special: Being a cheerleader, she very athletic.
MOM (Name TBD)
Roll: A business woman who’s desperate to reconnect with her daughter after tragically losing her husband.
Age: Late 40s
Internal Journey: From guilt to forgiving herself
External Journey: From career focused to family focused.
Motivation: Feel a connection with her late husband
Wound: Husband is dead. Daughter’s relationship is destroyed
Mission/Agenda: To deliver her husbands boat to a potential buyer.
Secret: She’s been asked to take over the company.
What makes her special: She’s a problem solver able to analyze situations and learn to change them or adapt.
What I learned today: I can already see how these exercises in getting to know my characters is affecting the story that was in my head — in a good way! It’s already evolved — and improved — quite a bit!
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Peter Birdsong transformational journey.
Carly is a high school cheerleader who sees only the small world around her. She’s pulled from school one semester when her estranged mother decides to sail a boat across the Atlantic. Her eyes are opened to a much larger world worth exploring.
Internal Journey: From a feeling of anger and pride to a feeling of wonder and humility.
External Journey: From a prideful and naive high school student to a humble and experienced explorer.
Old Ways:
Obsessed with social media.
Blames her mother.
Driven by pride.
Naive
New Ways:
Cuts herself off from social media.
Forgives her mother.
Chooses a life of humility.
Gains Experience
What I learned:
I thought this would be a piece of cake. It wasn’t. I had to think long and hard on this. In all honesty, I probably worried too much about it being perfect (and I still think it’s a little weak). Breaking down the old ways and news way actually helped me answer the journey questions better.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Peter Birdsong.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Peter Birdsong.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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I’m Pete.
I’ve written one script. It took five years, and I poured my heart into all eleven drafts. I started many… which is one reason I’m here.
I hope to get a better writing habit out of this class. Tools to keep me consistent on a daily basis.
Something unusual… well, recently I was diagnosed with ADHD… and I’m 41. It’s not a big deal, but I’ve found it pretty amusing. It explains a lot, though, and why — despite how much I have wanted to — writing has been very difficult for me.
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Peter Birdsong
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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“he mantra for the day—and the week—is “today, a 20 percent quality level is acceptable”.”
Yes. Thanks for that reminder.