[Peter Saltzman]

Saltzman’s Empathy Distress for “Tune Out the End.”

Misty

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Banished from earth for her music

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Misty is hacked in a way that makes it appear she plagiarized her music, damaging her artistic integrity and leaving her to grapple with the false accusations.

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Members of her crew go against her

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Elan Trank manipulates Misty’s music, exploiting her trust and creative process for the Programmer’s benefit.

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): Programmers plan to reset universe threatens her existence

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): The DeFunked experiences a critical malfunction, hindering Misty’s ability to create the music necessary to thwart the Programmers.

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): She can save herself and her music but it will mean the end of the universe

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Misty must choose between sacrificing a crew member or compromising the mission, causing internal conflict and self-doubt.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): She will die if she doesn’t help the programmers with their plan

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Misty is compelled to use her musical powers in a way that goes against her artistic principles, intensifying her internal struggles.

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): She can’t visit her family and friends on Earth, nor communicate with them

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Misty grapples with impostor syndrome, feeling inadequate as a leader and artist due to the false accusations against her.

Caden

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Incomplete programming makes him morally incomplete

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Cade experiences glitches that threaten his existence, making him question his own AI stability.

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Helps Bandu only to be cheated because Bandu see AI’s and inferior

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Another AI on the ship challenges Cade’s loyalty to Misty, creating a rift in their partnership.

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): Saving the universe may end his existence

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): Cade’s internal struggle for advancement clashes with the urgency of the mission, putting his priorities in question.

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Helping the programmers may give him the complete humanity he desires

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Cade must choose between self-improvement and the greater good, testing his commitment to the mission.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Saving himself vs. the universe

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Cade is forced to choose between advancing his own interests and prioritizing the mission, a choice that jeopardizes his own development.

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): His teacher (Elan) programmed him to favor the Programmers.

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Cade faces the fear of obsolescence, making him more relatable to the crew.

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): Caden, like all of us, is product of his “upbringing” and “genetics”.

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): Cade grapples with existential questions, trying to understand his own purpose and morality.

· Universal experiences that are emotional (Empathy): He is caught between protecting protecting himself and humanity as a whole

Bandu

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): His scientific discoveries were stolen and credited to somebody else on his home world

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Bandu is falsely accused of sabotage, jeopardizing his chance for redemption.

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Elan tries to have him brought down or killed

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): His background on his home planet may get him incarcerated

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): Bandu’s past transgressions resurface, threatening his standing within the crew and his redemption arc.

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Saving the DeFunked (and perhaps the universe) will mean exposing this horrible background

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Bandu must choose between personal vendettas and the greater mission, testing his loyalty to Misty.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): He must save himself or the ship

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Elan is trying to destroy him

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Bandu’s internal struggles with biases and prejudices come to light, humanizing him to the crew.

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): He is fantastically creative and playful, likeable

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): Bandu shares the pain of past mistakes, fostering understanding and empathy among the crew.

· Universal experiences that are emotional (Empathy): Betrayed by those he trusted most on his home world

Celine

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Was put into power push an agenda she doesn’t believe in

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): Celine discovers that her rise to power was orchestrated by the Programmers, shattering her illusion of control.

· External Character conflicts (Distress): She is addicted to powerful men who use and betray her (was she abused by her politically powerful dad)

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Celine faces opposition from within her own government, questioning her ability to lead effectively.

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): A global warming debacle gets in the way derails her negotiations with the programmers to save earth

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Celine must choose between aligning with the Programmers and betraying her people or risking Earth’s destruction.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Banishing Misty from Earth because if she doesn’t she would be banished herself.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Celine is pressured to make political decisions that go against her core values for the sake of Earth’s survival, creating internal conflict and ethical dilemmas.

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Celine grapples with imposter syndrome, feeling inadequate as a leader due to the revelation about her ascent to power.

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): She wants to do the right thing but her abusive past leads her to act out of fear and distrust

· Universal experiences that are emotional (Empathy): The Fear of losing everything regardless of her choices

Elan

· Undeserved misfortune (Distress): He’s an AI and doesn’t know it, has no knowledge of his origins, or a false implanted knowledge

· External Character conflicts (Distress): Though the head of Programmers, the others are plotting to deprogram him

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): His plans to restart the U are being messed with my Misty and her crew

· Plot intruding on life (Distress): Elan’s past affair with Misty resurfaces, causing unexpected consequences and emotional turmoil.

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Restarting the universe will make it better, but destroy those closest to him

· Moral dilemmas (Distress): Elan must confront the moral ambiguity of his actions, questioning the righteousness of his mission.

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): The plot against him from other programmers on one side, and Misty on the other forces him to do the reset before he know it’s ready

· Forced decisions they’d never make (Distress): Elan is forced to confront the potential failure of the universe reset, putting everything he believes in at risk, intensifying his internal struggles.

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): He wants to do what’s right but ultimately doesn’t know what’s right

· Put the character in distress (Empathy): Elan struggles with the weight of responsibility and the consequences of his choices.

· Make them Relatable (Empathy): He makes life and death decisions based on many unknowns, the consequences either way could be devastating

· Universal experiences that are emotional (Empathy): He wants to do what he believes is right, but isn’t sure what’s right.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Layers for “Tune Out the End.” (Sci-Fi/Comedy)

Surface: An entire star system disappears in a matter of minutes and nearly takes the DeFunked with it. (PLOT: HIDDEN PLAN)

1. Programmers were testing the new “StarCleaner” tech, and DeFunked happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

2. The programmers KNEW the DeFunked was in that star system and purposely was testing Misty’s capabilities.

3. The Programmers saved the DeFunked at the last minute when Elan realized they wouldn’t survive. Misty thought it was their own doing.

4. The “StarCleaner” system is meant to clean up lifeless star systems and eventually create new ones.

5. StarCleaner is seen working on “obsolete” galaxies.

6. StarCleaner is ultimately meant to reset the entire universe!

Surface: Elan is Misty’s former professor on Earth. (Character: Hidden relationships and conspiracies)

1. They were also lovers

2. Misty broke it off, and Elan has never gotten over it.

3. Elan took credit for the technology Misty developed

4. Elan has installed software Caden that reports all of Misty’s activities back to him. (Unknown to Caden.)

5. They have privately rekindled their romance. But each is using the other for their own purposes.

Surface: The Programmers are pushing for a reset without revealing the consequences. (Plot: Hidden Plan)

1. The Programmers’ true intentions are clouded by internal power struggles, as some members aim to use the reset for personal gain rather than the altruistic motives presented to Misty and her crew.

2. The consequences of the reset are uncertain, with hints that it may not just erase the cosmic entity but could unleash even greater threats, leaving the characters questioning the morality of their actions.

3. Misty’s role in the hidden plan becomes more significant as the Programmers discover her ability to affect U-Beta energy levels, making her both a pawn and a potential wildcard in their scheme.

Surface: The Programmers are remaking the universe into something more stable (Plot: Major Betrayal)

1. They wrote a secret virus to destabilize universal energy levels.

2. They have set off a chain reaction of events too big to stop without a reset.

3. Key Programmers members debate stopping the sabotage, but it’s too late.

4. The sabotage negatively interacts with Misty’s music in an unexpected way.

5. The extent of the sabotage threatens existence outside the universe, too—including in the parallel universe that is trying to use the U-beta reset to stabilize its own.

Surface: The Programmers are working with an ancient civilization to achieve their goals (Plot: Major Scheme Revealed)

1. The aliens pose as friends trying to help initiate a successful reset, having done it themselves.

2. The aliens convinced the Programmers this was necessary by fabricating evidence of a failing universe.

3. The aliens plan to betray the Committee once the reset is complete and take over the new universe.

4. The aliens need to harness the energy released by resetting our universe for their own dying universe. Our universe will perish in the process.

[Peter Saltzman]

<b cid=”n0″ mdtype=”heading”>Big Picture Open Loops for “Tune Out the End”

Consequences: Are they going to be caught?

<ul cid=”n94″ mdtype=”list” data-mark=”-“>

[Peter Saltzman]

<b cid=”n218″ mdtype=”heading”>Assignment 2:

Shocking Event: An entire star system disappears in matter of minutes and almost takes the DeFunked with it on its maiden voyage.

Secret: The star system’s disappearance was a test initiated by the Programmers to assess the DeFunked’s capabilities. They want to gauge Misty’s musical prowess and the crew’s resourcefulness in the face of unexpected threats.

· Who: Misty van Monk (Partially Revealed)

· What: They initially think it’s a natural phenomenon but then discover coded musical frequencies hidden in the residual energy patterns. (Revealed)

· Where: In a Milky Way star system with no life (Revealed)

· When: Present day in the story (Revealed)

· Why: The programmers want to redo the universe and rid it of evil (Withheld)

· How: The tip the balance of matter vs. anti-matter to favor the latter resulting in negative space. (Withheld)

Over Time: The Programmers fear the revelation that they are not the true creators, and their immortality is a facade. They are desperately trying to erase any evidence of their true origin while maintaining a facade of omnipotence.

Secret: They are the masters of the universe, therefore in control of its fate, the truth of their existence is a mystery even to them.

· Who: Elan Trank, Petar Salomon, Dorian Sleetee, Artistic Authority (Helena Seamly) (Partially Revealed)

· What: The programmers were created by others to be the Gods, but it’s a front for a deeper plan, As Misty delves deeper into the coded musical frequencies, she stumbles upon ancient musical artifacts hidden in the fabric of the universe. These artifacts hold the truth about the Programmers’ creation and their vulnerability (Withheld)

· Where: Earth (Withheld)

· When: Millions of years ago (Partial Reveal)

· Why: The real “creators” want to hide their identity and make it look like their program is legitimate (Withheld)

· How: The programmers have created an entire history that seems real (Withheld)

[Peter Saltzman]

What I learned: As someone said during the last class, AI was having a bad day. Even with follow-up questions it was still kind of crappy. And yet: some of it’s completely “wrong” answers triggered my creative brain into finding what I needed. I learned this from being a high level improviser on the piano: mistakes can lead to discoveries. Hal, of course, says much the same regarding the creative process in screenwriting. It’s nothing new to me, but it’s good to hear that it works in another medium. Also, that AI is, among other things, a great generator of mistakes that can take you down paths you had never considered.

QUICK NOTE: it’s impossible to paste in tables in this software, and not worth my time to get everything looking right. Since I doubt anybody reads this, it’s just proof that I did the work.

Assignment 1: Empire

Luscious-Cookie-Jamal-Hakeem

Surface-Wife, ex-wife-Son-Son

Common Ground-Co-founders of Empire-Both are looking for the next hit-To make Jamal the next big Empire Star

Conflict-She took the fall, wants her fair share, they back different sons for stardom-Lucious’ homophobia, and backing Hakeem-Hakeem wants to prove he did it with out dad’s help but is reliant on him

History-Founded company together through hard times, she made him the first star-Always demeaned Jamal’s homosexuality but expect his loyalty. -The favored sun

Subtext-Competitors-Jamal wants to outdo his dad, Lucious wants to control him-H wants to have it both ways

Relationship Arc-From husband/wife creative team to fighting for control of Empire-Always contentious and getting worse-An uneasy truce to get Hakeem to the top

My Show: Tune Out the EndMISTY van MONK

–Surface–Common Ground–Conflict–History–Subtext–Arc

Caden “Cade” Crosswell-First officer of DeFunked, Misty RH man, ship’s AI-To save the universe-CC withholds information to protect himself-They went to school together, were friends-She see’s him something less than human-From relying on each other to subtly working at cross purposes to openly at war

Bandu Cantar-Bandu is the chief engineer in charge of FTL and instruments-Making the ship work and indestructible-He’s a misogynist who doesn’t believe a woman can do the job-She recruited him for his technical genius, he to the job break away from a troubled past.-She relies on him, he thinks she’s too impulsive-From uneasy working relationship to possible betrayal

Elan Trank-Former lovers, Elan was her mentor, now adversaries-They both no the universe must be repaired-He wants to reset it, she wants to fix it-She studied programming with him, became his lover before leaving him.-Fatal attraction, mutual distrust-From teacher student to battle

Celine Mordant-She banished Misty from Earth, Misty is bitter-They both want to save Earth-Celine can help Misty, but Misty’s bitterness makes it impossible-Celine was initially a big fan, till the cultural ministry turned her against Misty-Mutual distrust, but also curiosity-From supporter to enimies to frenemies to working together quietly.

Caden Crosswell

–Surface–Common Ground–Conflict–History–Subtext–Arc

Bandu Cantar-As 1st officer, CC is technically Bandu’s superior-Working together to save the ship and outsmart the Programmers. Collaboration on ship maintenance. -CC was developed on Earth, has biases against aliens; Bandu distrusts AIs-They worked togther to create the ship. Bandar’s initial skepticism and underestimation. -Mutual prejudice-From working together to fighting for control of ship

Elan Trank-CC was initially programmed by Elan-CC has Elan’s moral imperatives built in-CC has grown beyond his programming, distrusts Elan. Misty’s affair with Elan is a source of jealous-Was programmed by Elan, studied with him-mutual mistrusts-From common ground to working against, to CC working for and against.

Celine Mordant-He was briefly her chief of staff-They worked together to upgrade Earths embedded tech capabilities-She treated him poorly, as a kind of AI slave-See above-Using each other for knowledge and skill-From CC being her underling to battling against each other to tacit agreement against Misty

Misty van Monk-Misty is her boss on the DeFunked– Both share a deep commitment to thwarting the Programmers’ plan for universe reset. – Cade admires Misty’s musical talent and supports her mission.– Tensions arise when Misty feels Cade may not be fully transparent about his knowledge or capabilities. Cade doubts Misty’s abilities as a leader.– Cade has been with Misty since the starship’s inception, helping her through numerous challenges.– There may be underlying romantic tension between Cade and Misty, given their close bond and shared experiences.-From relying on each other to subtly working at cross purposes to openly at war

Bandu Cantar

–Surface–Common Ground–Conflict–History–Subtext–Arc

Misty van Monk-Misty is his captain on the DeFunked-Getting the ship at top speed, protecting it from the Programmers, mutual nerdiness about instruments-His misogyny makes him view her as an inadequate captain, leads him to decisions behind her back-She hired him to design the DeFunked, then he goes conspires against her.-Mutual distrust mixed with admiration for each other’s skill-He took the job to escape his troubled past on his home planet, and appreciates her rescuing him, but over time he undermines her decisions. They find a way to work together in the end

Caden “Cade” Crosswell-They work together to make the ship formidable-Technical collaboration on the starship.-Bandar’s skepticism towards AI creates friction. Caden, showing his prejudice, was against brining in Bandu on as engineer.-Worked on ship design, -Possible hidden information or agenda from Cade.-The work together uneasily and will undermine each until they realize they must work together.

Elan Trank-Bitter rivals.-Both believe they have the answers to fix the universe-Bandar believes Elan and the programmers are frauds with stolen technology. Elan fears Bandar’s genius-They met briefly on earth and have been fighting ever since-Hate, disrespect-Enemies from start to finish

Celine Mordant-Recruited Bandar to work on Earth defenses, Misty stole him away.-She’s the protector of Earth, he’s an Earth-o-file-Distrust since Misty stole him away.-Briefly worked on Earth with Celine-See previous-From collaborators to bitter enemies

Elan Trank

–Surface–Common Ground–Conflict–History–Subtext–Arc

Misty van Monk-Misty is his former student and lover-Love of music: he’s in awe of her musical abilities-He suspects that her musical abilities can be used against the programmers-Former teacher and lover.-Attraction, distrust-Love and Hate while still using each other

Caden “Cade” Crosswell-Cade was created by Elan-Shared interest in technical advancements-Elan mistrusts Cade, thinking he’s gone beyond his directive-Creator and User-Uncertainty-From mentorship to battle

Bandu Cantar-Bitter rivals.-Both believe they have the answers to fix the universe-Bandar believes Elan and the programmers are frauds with stolen technology. Elan fears Bandar’s genius-They met briefly on earth and have been fighting ever since-Hate, disrespect-Enemies from start to finish

Celine Mordant-Working together on reset which Trank says keeping earth-Both have a connection to Misty, both are for the reset-Celine fears Elan is using her, will not save Earth. Elan fears the opposite-Brief fling together after Misty left Elan. -Mutual distrust-from working together to betraying each other’s goals

Celine Mordant

–Surface–Common Ground–Conflict–History–Subtext–Arc

Misty van Monk-Banished Misty from earth though she didn’t want to-Both aligned with the Programmers at various times, for various reasons-Celine wants to manipulate Misty for her own agenda. Misty despises her.-Celine supported Misty until the artistic authority turned her against Misty-Mutual distrust, mixed with curiosity and admiration-Celine may attempt to use Misty for her own interests, leading to betrayal or alliance.

Caden “Cade” Crosswell-He was briefly her chief of staff-They worked together to upgrade Earths embedded tech capabilities-She treated him poorly, as a kind of AI slave-See above-Using each other for knowledge and skill-From CC being her underling to battling against each other to tacit agreement against Misty

Bandu Cantar-Recruited Bandar to work on Earth defenses, Misty stole him away.-She’s the protector of Earth, he’s an Earth-o-file-Distrust since Misty stole him away.-Briefly worked on Earth with Celine-See previous-From collaborators to bitter enemies

Elan Trank-Working together on reset which Trank says keeping earth-Both have a connection to Misty, both are for the reset-Celine fears Elan is using her, will not save Earth. Elan fears the opposite-Brief fling together after Misty left Elan. -Mutual distrust-from working together to betraying each other’s goals

[Peter Saltzman]

What I learned: for my own needs, I changed the prompt because it was giving long on the nose answers. I used some of Hal’s instructions in this lesson to help the AI be more on point and specific. I also had it present it in table format. It doesn’t do that very well, but overall I’m getting more efficient with thing…

Misty:

Hope: Save the universe from a reset

Fear: that she and her music will be forgotten

Want: Power & Recognition

Need: Respect for her work

Base Negative emotion: Bitterness at being exiled

Mask: public mask of confidence

Weaknesses: Egotistical, naïve, lack of experience in interstellar conflicts and doubts about her own abilities.

Coping Mechanism: showing off her virtuosity, immerses herself in her music for its own sake

Caden Crosswell

Hope: To help Misty save the universe

Fear: Cade fears that revealing certain information may put his existence at risk,:

Want: wants to be fully human:

Need: Purpose and identity as a valued AI. :

Base Negative emotion: fear of being obsolete:

Mask: Calm and composed demeanor. :

Weaknesses: Moral ambiguity, sometimes clueless that he’s being unethical:

Coping Mechanism: He copes with his internal struggles through humor and deflecting serious conversations.

Bandar Cantu

Hope: To use his advanced technical knowledge to thwart the programmers

Fear: Fear of losing his position as the ship’s engineer due to his misogynistic views.

Want: Control

Need: needs to confront his biases and prejudices.

Base Negative emotion: guilt over his past actions

Mask: acts the victim of various conspiracies against him

Weaknesses: imperious, misogynistic

Coping Mechanism: working tirelessly on the starship’s instruments and technology

Celine Mordant

Hope: to be the savior of Earth in the new cosmos

Fear: that she is being used and will be eliminated

Want: Power and influence in the Programmers’ agenda.

Need: Control and dominance over others.

Base Negative emotion: deep insecurity

Mask: Charismatic persona.

Weaknesses: falls for powerful men and women that can hurt (or help) her, manipulative

Coping Mechanism: meaningless abusive sex

Elan Trank

Hope: staying on top, rekindling relationship with Misty

Fear: being found to be a fraud

Want: Power, Misty’s affection

Need: Control, sense of purpose

Base Negative emotion: Cynical

Mask: charitable

Weaknesses: sociopath

Coping Mechanism: spending obscene amounts of money on trivial things

Silas Barenbum

Hope: Hope to protect Misty and help her in her mission.

Fear: Fear of his past being revealed.

Want: Redemption for his past actions.

Need: Self-forgiveness and a chance to start anew.

Base Negative emotion: Guilt and remorse.

Mask: A charming facade.

Weaknesses: Lazy, dilletante, feels sorry for himself

Coping Mechanism: Drugs

[Peter Saltzman]

What I learned: that I need more time, but it’s a start. AI did help on some of these, in other places it was bland, even after follow-up, but generally good stuff.

Assignment 1: Empire

• Character Name: Lucious

• Role: Leader of Empire, father, husband

• Hidden agendas: So many: in this episode, to land Titan, killing Bunky to keep Titan secrets intact (along with the money.)

• Competition: Cookie, Barretti,

• Conspiracies: Killed Bunky to protect himself and Empire

• Secrets: His illness (to most of his family), the killing of Bunky,

• Deception: He deceives everyone to get what he wants

• Wound:Dying of ALS, his father was destroyed by the Nation of Islam

• Secret Identity: killer

• Character Name: Cookie

• Role: Co-founder Empire, mother, ex-wife

• Hidden agendas: To get her company back

• Competition: Lucious, Annika,

• Conspiracies: working with the FBI to uncover…something; working with his son’s girlfriend to take artistic control of the company

• Secrets: See above

• Deception:

• Wound: Took the fall for Empire, 17 years in prison, missed her boys growing up and is estranged from at least two of them

• Secret Identity: Head of Empire

My Show:

Working Title = Tune Out the End

Genre = Sci-Fi Thriller

Concept = A brilliant young musician is in the fight of her and everyone else’s life to save the universe from the committee of Programmers who want to restart the cosmos because they see it as a “failed experiment.” She must use the power of music to thwart the Programmers.

Misty van Monk

• Role: The hero who must use her music to save the universe from the Programmers who want to reset the cosmos, but she needs their help.

• Hidden agendas: to get back at the Artistic Authority on Earth who banished her for her socially unacceptable music. OR: hidden connection to a faction within the Programmers, perhaps having a family member who is part of their leadership, and her loyalties may be torn between this connection and her mission to thwart them

• Competition: Dorian Sletee, a musician working with the programmers, highly decorated on Earth; Petar Saloman (her teacher whom she adores and wants to outdo); the Programmers, Celine Mordant, earth leader. AND: in competition with AI composer and to outshine their algorithmically perfect compositions.

• Conspiracies: works with her silent former teacher Petar to bring down Dorian; conspires with Dorian to undermine Petar (their common teacher)

• Secrets: sabotaging Bandar to keep him from controlling the ship; manipulating Silas sexually to gain state secrets

• Deception: Misty might need to use deception to gain the Programmers’ trust, pretending to be on their side while secretly working against them.

• Wound: banished from Earth by the artistic authority

• Secret Identity: Plays a dominatrix in a virtual world. OR: Misty has an alter ego as a classical composer.

Caden “Cade” Crosswell (CC)

• Role: Embedded AI in the starship, capable of taking on a physical presence.

• Hidden agendas: Cade has a hidden agenda to preserve his own existence or to fulfill a mission programmed into him that Misty is unaware of.

• Competition: Caden’s competes with other AIs related to their ability to optimize and model the new universe’s parameters. This competition creates a moral dilemma for Cade, as he grapples with assisting Misty, whose music is integral to saving the universe, or aligning with the AI community

• Conspiracies: Works with Bandar to feed Misty false information

• Secrets: Has access to vital data that can change everything, keeps it hidden because they want control; against protocol, listens to everyone, records everything, has the dirt on everyone

• Secrets: Cade holds vast knowledge about the universe and its history, which he hasn’t shared with Misty. This hidden knowledge could be crucial in defeating the Programmers.

• Deception: Pretends to be completely benign, aligned with human goals

• Wound: has a traumatic backstory related to the true purpose of his creation and design.

• Secret Identity: is secretly another corporeal member of the crew—a cook who gets to hear everyone’s gossip

Bandar Cantu

• Role: Alien inventor and engineer maintaining the starship’s musical instruments and FTL engine.

• Hidden agendas: To take control of the ship from Misty, whom he sees as sloppy and undisciplined

• Competition: Caden, whom he violently distrusts and tries to reprogram or limit; Silas, who knows the truth about his past (but Bandar has some dirt on him as well.)

• Conspiracies: works with a Programmer to take over power of ship from Misty.

• Secrets: committed murder on his home world to protect his growing tech company from having its proprietary secrets published. Bandar also has secrets related to his alien culture, technological advancements.

• Deception: covers up his past on his home planet (Vaatu) through an elaborate rewriting of history

• Wound: has his tech stolen, did not receive credit for his brilliant work which was given to somebody else.

• Secret Identity: He is much younger than he appears (a part of his coverup deception)

Celine Mordánt

A. Hidden agendas: Celine may have hidden agendas related to her involvement with the Programmers, including what she stands to gain from their success.

B. Competition: Celine might face competition from other political rivals or factions within Earth’s government, leading to political intrigues and conflicts.

C. Conspiracies: Celine may be involved in conspiracies within the government, potentially working against the interests of Misty and her crew. (OR FOR HER INTERESTS)

D. Secrets: Celine could have deep-seated secrets about her past and her true motivations for aligning with the Programmers, which could be exposed over the course of the series.

E. Deception: Celine’s seductive and cunning nature allows her to manipulate and deceive others, creating an ongoing web of intrigue and subterfuge.

F. Wound: Celine’s past experiences or personal traumas might have influenced her choices and motivations, shedding light on her character’s complexity.

G. Secret Identity: Celine may have a hidden identity or a double life that she uses to further her political and personal interests, leading to unexpected twists in the storyline.

Elon Trank

Role: Lead Programmer in charge of the initiative to reset the universe

A. Hidden agendas: related to his personal motivations for wanting to reset the universe.

B. Competition: power struggles within the Committee of Programmers, as not all members may agree with the decision to reset the cosmos or the means.

C. Conspiracies: part of a secret subgroup within the Programmers who are working towards a different, hidden goal within the reset mission, even unbeknownst to some of his fellow Programmers.

D. Secrets: holds secrets related to his affair with Misty on Earth, which he has kept hidden from his colleagues and superiors.

E. Deception: Elan might use deception to cover up his personal involvement with Misty and his true motivations for the universe reset, all while appearing as a loyal member of the Committee of Programmers.

F. Wound: past affair with Misty left emotional scars, affecting his judgment and commitment to the universe-reset mission.

G. Secret Identity: has an alias he used during his affair with Misty on Earth.

[Peter Saltzman]

FYI to all who couldn’t access the lesson: It’s now up on the class page. (Along with lesson 5)

[Peter Saltzman]

Somebody who has access to lesson 4: PLEASE POST IT HERE!!!!

Most of us do not see it on the lesson portal. I tried clearing my cache, etc. It’s simply not there.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned: To always, always ask the AI follow-up questions. It was particularly weak with intrigue, but by asking pointed follow-ups, I generally got good stuff.

Assignment 1:

Empire

Lucious

G. Role in the show: Father, CEO, kingpin of Empire Records

H. Unique Purpose / Expertise: former hip-hop star himself, he has street-level knowledge of the industry

I. Intrigue: He is dying of ALS and wants to pick his successor among his three sons.

J. Moral Issue: Will literally kill to save his Empire. Manipulates everybody to get what he wants, and demeans his gay son.

K. Unpredictable: Not so much unpredictable as scheming. Still, he has an emotional tie to Cookie and his sons which causes him to react, particularly with Jamal, in unpredictable ways

L. Empathetic: He’s dying and for the most part keeping it secret

Cookie

G. Role in the show: Mom, the one who took the fall to get Empire started

H. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Has a more intuitive sense of what creates a star, but is just as complicit in exploiting Jamal as Lucious is in demeaning him.

I. Intrigue: She is secretly working with the FBI as a part of a probe that could bring down Empire, or get her killed.

J. Moral Issue: Like Lucious, she is willing to play sides off each other to get what she wants.

K. Unpredictable: Angry at being betrayed so she will act out on that to bring others down, including Lucious and her sons other than Jamal.

L. Empathetic: She spent 17 years in prison

Assignment 2:

Working Title = Tune Out the End

Genre = Sci-Fi Thriller

Concept = A brilliant young musician is in the fight of her and everyone else’s life to save the universe from the committee of Programmers who want to restart the cosmos because they see it as a “failed experiment.” She must use the power music to thwart the Programmers.

Misty van Monk

A. Role in the show: The protagonist, a gifted musician who learned secret powers of music from one the Programmers and plans to use this knowledge against them.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Possesses a deep knowledge of music’s power, but there’s a missing piece to her understanding.

C. Intrigue: Misty’s secret source of knowledge is a Programmer, and she’s determined to defy them, even as she lacks complete information.

D. Moral Issue: Struggles with the moral dilemma of wielding godly powers without knowing if her actions will save or endanger the universe. She also battles bitterness over her banishment from Earth, acting out of revenge rather than noble purpose.

E. Unpredictable: Her incomplete knowledge about the Programmers’ abilities and intentions, along with her desire for revenge against those who wronged her, causes her to make impulsive and dangerous decisions.

F. Empathetic: She was banished from Earth for her supposedly “unacceptable” music, making her a relatable underdog with a mysterious past.

Caden “Cade” Crosswell (CC)

A. Role in the show: Embedded AI in the starship, capable of taking on a physical presence.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Provides guidance and unlocks musical powers for Misty.

C. Intrigue: Unaware of the missing piece of knowledge embedded in his core systems that could change the mission’s course.

D. Moral Issue: self-doubt about his ability to “feel” makes him act out in strange ways to make it appear that he has normal human feelings; sometimes he makes spectacularly wrong decisions.

E. Unpredictable: May unknowingly access hidden powers that could be both dangerous and helpful when triggered by unexpected events.

F. Empathetic: Viewers empathize with Cade’s quest for self-discovery and understanding.

Bandar Catu

A. Role in the show: Alien inventor and engineer maintaining the starship’s musical instruments and FTL engine.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Possesses technical expertise essential to the mission.

C. Intrigue: Doubts stem from Misty’s uncertainty about the effectiveness of her methods. But in fact he comes from a patriarchal society that makes him see Misty as a “mere woman making impulsive choices.”

D. Moral Issue: Balancing loyalty to Misty and personal ambition against the The Programmers’ potential for destruction.

E. Unpredictable: Actions influenced by doubts about the mission.

F. Empathetic: Bandar’s empathy stems from concerns about Misty’s intentions and her ability to make the universe better.

Silas Barenbom

A. Role in the show: A former investigative journalist skilled in both combat and covert operations, recruited by Misty for protection.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Highly skilled at uncovering secrets and investigating mysteries, seeks to discover the true motivations behind the The Programmers’ desire to restart the universe and if they are who they say the are—the inventors of the universe.

C. Intrigue: Silas has a hidden, dark past that he is desperate to keep concealed, related to a crime or betrayal, connected to one of the Programmers. He is susceptible to blackmail in a way that could compromise the mission.

D. Moral Issue: In dire circumstances, Silas may resort to violence or coercion to silence those who get too close to uncovering his secrets or to ensure his past remains concealed.

E. Unpredictable: Silas’s susceptibility to blackmail and his inner conflict about his dark past make him act out in strange ways when cornered or pressured.

F. Empathetic: Despite his enigmatic and sometimes dubious actions, we understand the torment he experiences, leading to a sense of compassion for his character as he struggles with the consequences of his past actions..

Celine Mordent

A. Role in the show: A seductive and cunning leader of Earth’s government, aligned with the Programmers.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Skillful leader, can play various factions of each other to get what she wants.

C. Intrigue: Possesses knowledge of the Programmer’s powers, intentions, and their true origins and is willing to use it to get what she wants.

D. Moral Issue: Struggles with the ethics of manipulating Misty for her own desires and doubts about Misty’s abilities.

E. Unpredictable: Her manipulative tactics keep the characters guessing about her intentions (of which even she is unsure.)

F. Empathetic: Her internal conflict, as she questions the consequences of her actions in the cosmic power struggle.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman Circle of Characters:

(note I posted my circle for Empire above)

What I learned: Empire is a revelation, so there’s that. Everything about that show works toward advancing it’s themes, and the characters are just right for that.

For my own show, I really had to mess with ChatGPT, making several follow-up suggestions. It’s still not there, but getting better. One thing I’ve noticed is the ChatGPT is terrible with names. Still working on it…

Assignment 2:

A. Main Characters:

1. Misty van Monk

• Unique Role: Gifted young musician with the ability to harness the power of music to manipulate the fabric of the universe.

• Secret or Intrigue: Misty has a hidden past as a former scientist who discovered a groundbreaking theory about the nature of the universe, knowledge that could be key to thwarting the gods’ plan.

2. Caden “Cade” Crosswell (CC)

• Unique Role: A highly advanced artificial intelligence embedded in the starship’s systems, providing guidance to Misty and unlocking hidden musical powers crucial to the mission.

• Secret or Intrigue: Cade is unaware of a forgotten memory bank within its systems that contains critical information about the gods’ true intentions.

3. Quantum Q

• Unique Role: A quirky alien inventor and engineer responsible for maintaining the starship’s musical instruments and FTL engine.

• Secret or Intrigue: Quentin Quasar is secretly in communication with one of the gods, torn between loyalty and the desire to protect Misty.

4. Silas Barenbomb

• Unique Role: A mysterious rogue with a dark past, skilled in both combat and covert operations, recruited by Misty for protection.

• Secret or Intrigue: Silas Stratos is on a personal mission to discover the true motivations behind the gods’ desire to restart the universe.

5. Celine Mordent

• Unique Role: A seductive and cunning deity aligned with the gods, seeking to manipulate Misty’s powers for their own benefit.

• Secret or Intrigue: Celine Solaris has a hidden agenda, planning to use Misty to reshape the universe according to their desires.

B. Connected Characters:

1. Harrison Pia

• Role: Interstellar news anchor reporting on Misty’s journey, influencing public opinion, and occasionally aiding with information.

2. Portata Accordia (Alien Ambassador)

• Role: Alien ambassador who believes in Misty’s mission, providing diplomatic support and crucial alliances.

3. Rhythmic Rebel Crew (The RRC)

• Role: A group of rebels on various planets fighting against the gods’ influence, occasionally assisting Misty in her quest.

4. Coda Council

• Role: A secretive organization within the galaxy, aware of the gods’ plan and aiding Misty covertly.

5. Dorian Dryft

• Role: A misguided musician who believes in the gods’ vision and seeks to hinder Misty’s progress.

6. Harmonic Hierarch (Helena Harmonium)

• Role: A powerful figure among the gods, manipulating events to ensure the success of the universe’s reset.

C. Environment Characters (Listed by Jobs):

1. Starship Navigator

2. Cosmic Barista (Starship Café)

3. Harmony Historian (Keeper of the Galactic Archives)

4. Alien Botanist (Tending to the ship’s bio-dome)

5. Quantum Physicist (Ensuring the stability of the musical FTL engine)

6. Celestial Janitor (Maintaining the cleanliness of the starship)

7. Galactic DJ (Providing entertainment during space travels)

8. Holographic Tailor (Creating fashionable space outfits for the crew)

9. Bridge Pianist (Lena Crescendo)

10. Bridge Drummer (Ryker Staid)

11. Bridge Trumpeter (Aya Seraph)

12. Bridge Saxophonist (Kai Presto)

13. Celestial Engineer (Zara Payne)

14. Godly Conductor (Viktor Mensa)

[Peter Saltzman]

A. Main Characters Circle:

Lucious: The company kingpin who is dying of ALS and will do anything to protect his company and legacy.

Cookie: His former wife, who spent 17 years in prison and protected the lie about where the money came from, in direct competition with Lucious.

Jamal: The sensitive gay so, and the most talented, ostracized by his father

Hakeem: the son Lucious wants to make a star, easily manipulated but also acting out

Andre, the corporate son with no musical talent, but plenty of business savvy, will pit his brothers against each other to get the prize.

B. Connected Circle:

Lucious girlfriend, Annika

Tianna (signed by Annika)

Kidd Fo-Fo

Jamal’s boyfriend Michael

Becky, Lucious’ executive assistant

Vernon, Lucious’ right-hand man

Rhonda, Andre’s white wife

Porsha, Cookie’s probationary assistant

Bunky killed off in pilot

Domonique, publicist

Agent Carter

C. Environment Circle:

Hakeem’s circle of groupies/hanger’s on

Protesters

Cops

Gay models for Jamal’s publicity event

[Peter Saltzman]

Empire 5 Star Model

What I learned:

Wow! This pilot hits the 5-star model out of the ballpark. Literally, everything is designed to keep you wanting to watch more, to have questions answered, to invite obsession. It does an astonishing amount in within the shorter network format (e.g., 48 minutes or so.) But I learned something else about pilots: at first, I thought the show felt a little light, dated, but I quickly realized it had to be fairly general to set up all the storylines and conflicts. This particularly true for shorter network drama. It totally works.

Big Picture Hooks

The boss is dying, the company going public, and one of the sons will replace him. Which? Who will run the empire, and will it survive the family infighting?

Amazing and Intriguing Character

1. Lucious came from nothing built Empire, but is deeply insecure about losing control, not to mention his life.

2. Cookie: imprisoned for 17 years for drug money she made that was startup capital for. Empire. Now she’s out and wants what’s hers.

3. Jamaal, the gay son, is ostracized by his father adored by his mother. She wants to make him a star; he is reluctant until he sees his father backing his brother, Hakeem (who is using Jamaal’s song to make it big.)

4. Hakeem, the son Lucious wants to be a star. But while a great rapper, he’s reliant on Jamal’s talent for songwriting.

5. Andre, the only son who’s not musical but the best businessman. Wants his brothers to be in conflict, so he comes out on top.

Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Empathy / Distress

1. Is Lucious dying?

2. Lucious kills Bunkie; willing to do anything to protect his empire.

3. Cookie protects her gay son.

4. Jamal being gay with a homophobic dad

5. Andre being the non-musical outsider in the family

6. Hakeem being manipulated by his dad

Layers / Open Loops

1. Will Lucious die soon? When will he tell the family? What effect will it have

2. Who is the successor?

3. Does the gay son have a chance? Will he overcome his homophobic dad and keep his artistic integrity intact?

4. What did Cookie do?

5. Why is Lucious afraid of Cookie?

6. What does Cookie want? (Get mine…)

7. Just how bad is Lucious gang background that he would kill Vernon to cover it up?

Inviting Obsession

1. Both the individual character arcs and intertwined family warfare are perfectly introduced to invite obsession. Every relationship (Husband-wife, brothers, parents-children) has many open loops and layers, etc., that make you want to know what’s going to happen.

[Peter Saltzman]

My name is Peter Saltzman, and I agree to the terms of the release form terms listed above.

[Peter Saltzman]

1. Peter Saltzman

2. About 5 TV pilots, 1 feature

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To a) master the techniques of using AI as a brainstorming tool, b) up my TV writing game (even after taking the non-AI BW TV class 4 or so years ago.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’m a monster pianist and composer.

5. What ProSeries, Writing Incredible Movies, or Binge Worthy TV class you were in. BW TV (non-AI)

[Peter Saltzman]

Hello All,

I’m ready to exchange feedback if anyone is available. I’m not posting my outline here: the formatting gets messed up, and it’s too time-consuming to fix it.

I can be reached at petersaltzman@gmail.com

[Peter Saltzman]

TITLE: Fugue

• OPENING: Milo is at a fancy concert venue, rehearing his brilliant work with a large virtuoso ensemble.

o Mystery 1: why are all the musicians and staff looking at Milo like he’s an alien?

o Villain’s Plan 1: Howie has planted a false story about Milo using afictitious series of accounts

o Direction: At the dress rehearsal for the performance of Milo Coleman’s major new work, there is a thrill among the players and staff sitting in the seats.

o Twist: One by one players stop playing, looking at their phones, then up at Milo, quizzically. So too the staff. Musicians walk out, leaving Milo perplexed. A report going viral that the major new work is a plagiarized fraud.

o

• INCITING INCIDENT: Everyone’s phones are blowing up with an account of Mile’s plagiarizing the work from a forgotten dead artist.

o Life-Threatening 1: Social Media posts include death threats

o Mystery 2: did Milo plagiarize the musician’s work? He clearly has a strong connection to this musician

o Mystery 3: who posted these videos?

o Villain’s Plan 2: The story goes viral with a series of “proofs” including a college paper Milo wrote. The paper itself has been hacked.

• TURNING POINT 1: Videos of Milo soliciting sex from teenagers; his wife leaves him.

o Life-Threatening 2: Milo is arrested; more death threats

o Mystery 4: Did Milo do these things? (He doesn’t seem like the type and we can’t entirely see his face in the videos.)

o Mystery 5: Why is Missy evasive about her ownership of the club? And who is the “silent partner” for whom she seems to be at beck and call?

o Mystery 6: These videos seem like possible fakes, but who’s behind them again.

o Mystery 6.5: Why does music critic Howie Spike keep showing up at Milo gigs when he’s never supported his old friends’ work in the past?

o Villain’s Plan 3: Howie infiltrates Milo’ personal life, sewing doubt in his wife and kids by creating credible-looking incidents of cheating and betrayal.

o Villain’s Plan 4: Howie hires actors to play the teenagers plays on Mile’sdesperation.

o Direction: Milo shows that his composition is original, having nothing to do with the lost work by Antoine Bo’dean.

o Twist: An essay that Milo wrote in college about Bo’Dean is published online; and a grainy video of a performance of Milo performing Bo’Dean’s song.

o Direction: Milo meets his old friend from college, Howie Spikes, an influential music critic in Chicago. Howie promises to write a piece in support of Milo.

o Twist: Howie sees a photo on his social media showing a meeting between Bo’Dean and Milo.

o Direction: Milo is performing his regular piano bar gig, with his wife Ella and Howie there to support him (Howie claims he is still behind him, but is holding off writing a piece.) Despite the rumors of Milo’ malfeasance, the crowd is into his performance.

o Twist: At the climax of a song Milo’ suddenly hears horrible screeching in his hearing aids and runs off the stage in terror.

o Direction: He returns to the stage and apologizes for the technical malfunction and continues playing.

o Twist: The same horrible noise appears in the sound system speakers.

o Direction: We see the club is in a fancy Chicago neighborhood, with high end features inside and out.

o Twist: When Milo confronts Missy about the constantly malfunctioning cheap sound system, she evasively says that they can’t afford to replace it.

o Direction: Howie is all of the sudden showing up at Milo’ performances all the time.

o Twist: In spite of their past friendship in college, Milo reminds him that he’s never written an article about him. Howie claims it’s conflict of interest

• MIDPOINT: Milo loses his only gig and all income.

o Life-Threatening: Loss of everything leads Milo to consider suicide.

o Direction: Milo procures a gun from a musician. Looks at himself in the mirror.

o Twist: Milo smiles and puts the gun away.

o Mystery 7: Who is Missy? Mile’s search for her turns up nothing…then a scandal in her past when she had a different name?

o Direction: Milo sees that the previous version of Missy (Marla Pharoah) was charged with absconding funds from her artist clients.

o Twist: One of those artists was Howie!

o Mystery 8: Why does Howie write a piece bemoaning his friend’s downfall but offer no actual support when he’s loaded?

o Villain’s Plan 6: Howie’s machinations lead to the cancellation of all gigs and financial ruin, further undermining his marriage

o Villain’s Plan 7: The end result of Howie’s plan has always been to undermines Milo’ confidence to the point where he destroys himself and Milo now suggests he may commit suicide.

• TURNING POINT 2: Video of him scamming homeless people

o Life-Threatening 4: Homeless people attack Milo

o Mystery 9: Milo wasn’t even on the street that night. Where did this video come from?

o Mystery 10: Missy has disappeared from the club. Where is she? Dead?

o Direction: Milo has the dirt on Missy and plans to use it to make her help him get to Howie.

o Twist: Milo learns that Howie blackmailed Missy.

o Villain’s Plan 8: When Milo doesn’t do himself in, Howie unleashes his thugs to create a scenario where Milo will be killed because due to his own devious behavior with prostitutes.

• CLIMAX: Milo uses his and Missy’s hacking abilities to expose Howie, proving all the accusations were forged.

o Direction: Howie’s manipulation of the truth is bullet-proof; he’s used AI in a way that creates irrefutable “evidence.”

o Twist: Howie can’t help boasting to Milo’s wife Ella, who has fake rekindled her old relationship with Howie, about his first real masterpiece. The whole thing is broadcast live on social media.

RESOLUTION: Milo goes back to the big stage—but keeps his club gig. Reunites with his wife and kids.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Trust relationships

What I Learned: The more I go through each of these exercises, the more I find out about my story and characters.

Make a list of the main characters.

• Hero: Milo Coles

• Villain: Howie Spikes

• Red Herring Character: Missy (club owner/manager)

• Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Howie, Bam Delio (Milo’s bass player)

• Isn’t trusted, but should be: Missy, Darla Shams (Milo’s agent)

With each character, ask these questions:

Milo

What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Trustable because he’s gullible and clueless.

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

See above. Because he’s gullible, insecure, and wants to be loved.

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

When he finds that he is being scammed.

Howie Spikes

What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Not trustable.

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

Howie promises to support Milo in his struggles but never does.

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

None

Missy

What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Not-trustable.

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

She is always evasive and secretive but it’s because she’s in an impossible position, being blackmailed by Howie.

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

She’s basically good and when Howie’s actions threaten Milo’s life, she’s pushed too far and helps Milo.

Darla Shams

What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Trustable.

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

She fails to get Milo and high-profile work, but it’s because Howie is manipulating concert promoters behind the scenes. Milo thinks it’s due to her lack of effort, but it’s really that Howie is pulling strings.

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

Her own physical safety.

Bam Delio

What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?

Trustable

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

He’s looking for a to get out of the club gig; Howie hooks him up with some great, high-paying opportunities in exchange for betraying Milo.

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

Being pushed too far, seeing what his happening to Milo.

With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero / Villain:

Milo and Howie were close friends/competitors in music school in the 1980s. The third person in this equation was Milo’s future wife, Ella, who was first Howie’s girlfriend. She eventually dumped him for Milo. But the rift between Milo and Howie ran deeper: while the three remained a unit throughout school, Milo’s musical genius vastly outshined Howie’s—and Howie knew it. He seethed under the guise of friendship, and while Milo innocently believes that Howie is still his friend, even he notices that the latter has never supported his career as the top music critic in Chicago. Howie claims that it would be a conflict of interest, but since they are no longer active friends, it doesn’t really make sense. For his part, Howie’s level of distrust rises with each of Milo’s artistic successes, and even as he is in awe of Milo’s talent, he ultimately wants to squelch it.

Hero / Red Herring Character:

Milo is deeply suspicious of Missy, in part because she is so elusive about her past. He doesn’t know that they have a shared background: she was in the music business department at the same school when he was there, but he never knew her. But Missy’s handling of the club also sows distrust: the large club is in a fancy Chicago neighborhood but has a dirt-cheap sound system that keeps breaking down at key moments during Milo’s performances. For her part, Milo’s presence brings out a complex series of emotions: awe of his talent, guilt and being put in the position (from Howie) of hurting, anger that both of those things are putting her in precarious position in her career and life.

Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t be:

Bam Delio is Milo’s longtime bassist, but the former is weary, tired of the club gig, even if he doesn’t understand that Howie is the one keeping him down. Milo implicitly trusts his sidemen, so doesn’t suspect that Bam has cut a deal with Howie (though he doesn’t know that it’s Howie he’s dealing with.) Howie has hooked him up with some high-paying gigs in exchange for information about Milo.

Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be:

Milo, who doesn’t like dealing with the business side of the industry, is frustrated at Darla Sham’s inability to get him high profile work. But he doesn’t understand that it’s not for lack of trying. She herself doesn’t understand what’s going on with Howie trying to bring Milo down.

Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship and then add that to your map.

Milo/Howie

1. Trust: back in college, both Howie and Milo were into the same girl, ella. Milo did not try to steal her away when Howie and ella became a definite item.

2. Distrust: Ella dumped Howie and went on to become Milo’s wife. How we ensure Milo stole her away. No

3. Trust: Milo assumes Howie is on his side since they go way back and were once close friends and never had a falling out.

4. Distrust: But Howie has never publicly supported or helped Milo in his career even though has the power to do that given his position as Chicago’s top music critic. Why? Howie claims their friendship is a conflict of interest. This makes no sense to Milo.

5. Trust: Howie starts showing up at Milos club performances for the first time in ages. It makes him think that Howie is finally getting behind him.

6. Distrust: but Howie is frequently talking loudly during Milos performances.

7. Trust: Howie promises to write a feature piece about Milo.

8. Distrust: instead, Howie writes of feature piece about another pianist and has a little blurb at the end of that article about Milo

9. Trust: After the story comes out accusing Milo of plagiarism, how we meets with Milo and Ella for the first time in years and promises to help him prove the accusers wrong.

10. Distrust: how are we right a piece about cancel culture and it’s dangers, but barely mentions Milo is polite.

11. Trust: after arguing with Missy about the horrible sound system, Milo sees how we dressing her down.

12. Distrust: Milo later sees them talking confidentially in a tense but calmer discussion.

13. Trust: Howie promises to expose the problems at the club that are hurting musicians.

14. Distrust: After investigating Missy’s background and finding out who she really is, Milo’s comes across her connection to Howie, and that she to was in school with them back in the day!

Milo/Missy:

1. trust: Missy expresses genuine love of Milo’s music during the performances.

2. Distrust: She ignores Milo’s requests to fix the sound system, even though this is a high end club in a ritzy neighborhood. She says they don’t have the money.

3. Trust: after other musicians and staffed complain about the sound system, Missy changes course and promises to fix it.

4. Distrust: Later that night, Milo witnesses her getting a call on her iPhone, sees that it’s from some strange acronym, and witnesses her running out of the club, not returning that evening. The sound system isn’t fixed

5. Trust: in every other way, Missy is kind to Milo and tries to help him.

6. Distrust: when he asks her about how she came to own this club, she becomes evasive, won’t answer directly.

7. Trust: Milo researchers misses background and sees that she’s owned a series of boutique clubs that were artistic successes but commercial failures.

8. Distrust: further searches on the Internet reveal that Missy came out of nowhere. When he does an image search, he finds a woman from California with a different name. When he looks into her, he finds that she got in trouble for apparently absconding with artists funds while she represented them. (One of those artists was Howie, but he actually set up the whole thing.)

9. Trust: Missy explains that she was in fact cheated out of funds but was forced to change her name even when she proved she was right. She was blacklisted from the industry.

10. Distrust: Milo, digging deeper, finds her connection to Howie during college.

11. Trust: When Milo’s career and personal life reaches rock bottom, Missy offer a lifeline and promises she will help him.

12. Distrust: she then disappears for days.

13. Trust: she helps uncover Howie’s web of deceit and brings Milo back to the club in a celebratory performance—with perfect sound.

Milo/Bam Delio

1. Trust: Bam is Milo’s longtime bassist, co-musical director of the band, who plays everything Milo gives him with joy and passion.

2. Distrust: He bickers incessantly about the pay, and feeling like the band deserves to be performing big-time shows.

3. Trust: Bam comes up with a great, high-paying gig for the band.

4. Distrust: at the last minute he nervously tells Milo that “they requested a different style of pianist…”

5. Trust: Bam helps Milo out with a high paying party job

6. Distrust: the party planner has replaced him when he arrives.

Milo/Darla Shams

1. Trust: Milo trusts her by default because he wants to rely on her.

2. Distrust: She can no longer land him high-profile gigs and makes various lame excuses about it being a bad time for the market. She doesn’t want to tell him the truth: nobody will touch him with the various rumors about him out there.

3. Trust: She lets him know that the venues are nervous about working with him.

4. Distrust: She insinuates that he’s causing the problem.

5. Trust: she lets him know that there is somebody (unknown) pressuring venues not to hire him.

6. Distrust: She claims it’s Howie. He doesn’t want to believe her, so thinks it’s just an excuse.

7. Trust: He figures out that it is Howie.

I’m not posting the revised Thriller Map: I haven’t the time to integrate the above data.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned: As usual, be patient, fill in the blanks and it will work itself out over time. As a composer, this is easy for me because I’ve done it so many times. As a screenwriter, I’m still learning to trust the process.

List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with.

OPENING: Miles is at a fancy concert venue, rehearing his brilliant work with a large virtuoso ensemble.

INCITING INCIDENT: Everyone’s phones are blowing up with an account of Mile’s plagiarizing the work from a forgotten dead artist.

TURNING POINT 1: Videos of Miles soliciting sex from teenagers; his wife leaves him.

MIDPOINT: Miles loses his only gig and all income. Lives on the street

TURNING POINT 2: Video of him scamming homeless people

CLIMAX: Miles uses his and Missy’s hacking abilities to expose Howie

RESOLUTION: Miles goes back to the big stage—but keeps his club gig..

Inside your structure, fill in the gaps with the Life-threatening situations, Mysteries, and Villain’s plan. Do this one at a time. That will keep you from getting confused.

OPENING: Miles is at a fancy concert venue, rehearing his brilliant work with a large virtuoso ensemble.

Mystery 1: why are all the musicians and staff looking at Miles like he’s an alien?

Villain’s Plan 1: Howie has planted a false story about Miles using a fictitious series of accounts

INCITING INCIDENT: Everyone’s phones are blowing up with an account of Mile’s plagiarizing the work from a forgotten dead artist.

Life-Threatening 1: Social Media posts include death threats

Mystery 2: did Miles plagiarize the musician’s work? He clearly has a strong connection to this musician

Mystery 3: who posted these videos?

Villain’s Plan 2: The story goes viral with a series of “proofs” including a college paper Miles wrote. The paper itself has been hacked.

TURNING POINT 1: Videos of Miles soliciting sex from teenagers; his wife leaves him.

Life-Threatening 2: Miles is arrested; more death threats

Mystery 4: Did Miles do these things? (He doesn’t seem like the type and we can’t entirely see his face in the videos.)

Mystery 5: Why is Missy evasive about her ownership of the club? And who is the “silent partner” for whom she seems to be at beck and call?

Mystery 6: These videos seem like possible fakes, but who’s behind them again.

Mystery 6.5: Why does music critic Howie Spike keep showing up at Miles gigs when he’s never supported his old friends’ work in the past?

Villain’s Plan 3: Howie infiltrates Miles’ personal life, sewing doubt in his wife and kids by creating credible-looking incidents of cheating and betrayal.

Villain’s Plan 4: Howie hires actors to play the teenagers plays on Mile’s desperation.

MIDPOINT: Miles loses his only gig and all income.

Life-Threatening: Loss of everything leads Miles to consider suicide.

Mystery 7: Who is Missy? Mile’s search for her turns up nothing…then a scandal in her past when she had a different name?

Mystery 8: Why does Howie write a piece bemoaning his friend’s downfall but offer no actual support when he’s loaded?

Villain’s Plan 6: Howie’s machinations lead to the cancellation of all gigs and financial ruin, further undermining his marriage

Villain’s Plan 7: The end result of Howie’s plan has always been to undermine Miles’ confidence to the point where he destroys himself and Miles now suggests he may commit suicide.

TURNING POINT 2: Video of him scamming homeless people

Life-Threatening 4: Homeless people attack Miles

Mystery 9: Miles wasn’t even on the street that night. Where did this video come from?

Mystery 10: Missy has disappeared from the club. Where is she? Dead?

Villain’s Plan 8: When Miles doesn’t do himself in, Howie unleashes his thugs to create a scenario where Miles will be killed because due to his own devious behavior with prostitutes.

CLIMAX: Miles uses his and Missy’s hacking abilities to expose Howie, proving all the accusations were forged.

RESOLUTION: Miles goes back to the big stage—but keeps his club gig. Reunites with his wife and kids.

<div>
</div>

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Life-Threatening Sequence

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

To humiliate and destroy the career and personal life of Miles Coles. His goal is to have Miles do himself in from despair. If not, Howie do the job by creating a scenario where Miles is murdered by engaging in some fake elicit situation.

Threats of physical harm or death for plagiarism, cultural appropriation.
Threats from thugs for pursuing the truth
Poisoning with psychedelic drugs before performance
Warnings from Missy for talking about his paranoid perceived threats. She connects it to his use of drugs
Thugs force him into a dangerous trap where he is further humiliated with livestreaming of a video of scamming a homeless person out of his money. It’s all staged but it looks real. It’s broadcast on Facebook Live. It is believable because Miles has lost his livelihood
Miles is very hopeful when the great opportunity to advance his career turns into a scam that put him in harm’s way, further damaging him psychologically.
A major comeback performance is derailed by publishing a false but believable story of Miles plagiarizing the concert’s primary work from a long dead artist he admired. Leads to Miles being cancelled in social media culture. Leads to physical threats.
Loss of income and opportunities leads to more stress in marriage and eventual separation. Leads Miles further down path of despair. Considers suicide
Disruption of club performances by paid-off audience members lead to further humiliation.
One of his sidemen is roughed up when Miles appears to be approaching the truth

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

Slipups caused by hacking of hearing aids during key part of performance.
Bright lights flashing in his face randomly during performance
Missy, to protect both herself and Miles, thwarts his efforts to discover the truth and pursue important opportunities that would get him out of the club.
Faked Ai videos of Miles soliciting very young and very old women and men
Loses big performance opportunities as he is cancelled due to all of the above
Threat of losing his one last gig at club
His wife betrays him out of rage, destroys his reputation further.

From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

· A major comeback performance is derailed by publishing a false but believable story of Miles plagiarizing the concert’s primary work from a long dead artist he admired. Leads to Miles being cancelled in social media culture. Leads to physical threats.

· Thugs force him into a dangerous trap where he is further humiliated with livestreaming video of scamming a homeless person out of his money. It’s all staged but it looks real. It’s broadcast on Facebook Live. It is believable because Miles has lost his livelihood

· Miles is very hopeful when great opportunity to advance his career turns into a scam that put him in harm’s way, further damaging him psychologically.

· Poisoning with psychedelic drugs before performance

· Slipups caused by hacking of hearing aids during key part of club performance in front of music industry execs.

· Missy, to protect both herself and Miles, thwarts his efforts to discover the truth and pursue important opportunities that would get him out of the club.

· Faked Ai videos of Miles soliciting very young and very old women and men

· Loses big performance opportunities as he is cancelled due to all of the above

· Loss of income and opportunities leads to more stress in marriage and eventual separation. Leads Miles further down path of despair. Considers suicide

· Disruption of club performances by paid-off audience members lead to further humiliation.

· One of his sidemen is roughed up when Miles appears to be approaching the truth

· His wife betrays him out of rage, destroys his reputation further.

· Threat of losing his one last gig at club.

Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.

1. A major comeback performance is derailed by publishing a false but believable story of Miles plagiarizing the concert’s primary work from a long dead artist he admired. Leads to Miles being cancelled in social media culture. Leads to physical threats.

2. Slipups caused by hacking of hearing aids during key part of club performance in front of music industry execs.

3. Disruption of club performances by paid-off audience members lead to further humiliation.

4. Faked Ai videos of Miles soliciting very young and very old women and men

5. Loss of income and opportunities leads to more stress in marriage and eventual separation. Leads Miles further down path of despair. Considers suicide

6. Missy, to protect both herself and Miles, thwarts his efforts to discover the truth and pursue important opportunities that would get him out of the club.

7. One of his sidemen is roughed up when Miles appears to be approaching the truth

8. His wife betrays him out of rage, destroys his reputation further.

Threat of losing his one last gig at club.

10. Thugs force him into a dangerous trap where he is further humiliated with livestreaming video of scamming a homeless person out of his money. It’s all staged but it looks real. It’s broadcast on Facebook Live. It is believable because Miles has lost his livelihood. He mulls suicide and even publishes a cryptic social media post (which is B.S. because he’s about to expose Howie.

11. Threats on his life by thugs for exposing the truth.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Mystery Sequence

What I Learned:

Even though Fugue is not remotely in style or on the topic of Basic Instinct, I was able to use that template (literally going through the sequences Hal has here as examples and replacing them) to get me started. Even with the vastly different tone and topic, the basic template applies. In going through this process, I discovered a lot about my story and filled in many plot holes.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

Howie, insanely jealous of the far more talented Mile Coles, is out to destroy him on both personal and professional levels.

How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.

Howie has inherited a great deal of money, and he uses it to manipulate Miles’ career and life. Specifically:

• Negative Publicity: Howie creates multiple fake social media and regular media accounts to question the validity of Miles’ work, suggesting it was stolen or is irrelevant.

• Personal Destruction: Howie and Miles were friends in music school and they “shared” the same girlfriend, who later became Miles’ wife. Howie is convinced he stole Ella from him so he creates AI videos that show Miles getting into it with women and men. He again posts these via believable fake accounts. Howie defends Miles to Ella Cole and consoles Miles when Ella breaks it off with him.

• Paying Audience Members to Disrupt the Shows: Miles’ shows face disruptions by paid audience members. Howie chastises the disruptors publicly, posing as a defender of Miles’ performances.

• Paying off Concert Promoters: Miles secures a potential performance opportunity, but Howie intervenes behind the scenes, preventing him from playing in a serious venue. Howie writes a piece about how Miles should aim for better venues, adding doubt to Miles’ choices.

• Stalking and Threats: As Miles’ confidence wanes, he begins receiving anonymous threats. Howie offers to assist in handling the threats, further manipulating Miles’ emotions.

The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.

Miles is on the verge of a major comeback after years of toiling in obscurity. Out of the blue, just before a major concert, a wave of media accusations (accusing him of plagiarizing, cultural appropriation, etc.) derail his comeback, puts his marriage on the rocks, and even threatens his livelihood playing at the club. Miles must act to save his career and marriage.

Mystery 1: Is Miles guilty of plagiarism and deceit?

• The composition that is gaining Miles all the new attention seems to have been stolen from a now obscure Black jazz musician. An underground, never-released recording shows up. He is thus accused of both plagiarism and cultural appropriation.

• Miles has been a promoter of the man’s work and…

• He even wrote an essay in college about this work, which referred to many legendary missing recordings

• Mile’s essay went into intricate detail about the artist’s unique style.

• Miles acts indifferent about the whole thing as everyone steals from everyone all the time..

• He makes fun of his critics while claiming he didn’t steal anything.

• He even composed a new piece based on one of the artist’s KNOWN compositions.

• Musicologists claim he is outright stealing.

Mystery 2: What is Missy hiding? (Red Herring)

Missy, the club manager/owner, is evasive, avoiding Miles’ questions about how she became the club owner. She is hiding something. In fact, her efforts to keep Miles in her club are meant to protect him. She knows if Miles breaks out into bigger venues and opportunities, he could be killed. But Howie is blackmailing Missy—he has some dirt on her past. She was involved in a scandal as a record company exec (or manager) for apparently cheating artists out of funds. She changed her name and moved to Chicago from NYC (or LA). She opened a series of boutique clubs, all of which failed. Then, out of nowhere, became the owner of this big new club. She doesn’t even know who Howie is—he is literally the silent partner. But her every action seems to be hiding something, so we suspect her from the beginning.

• She is dismissive of Miles’ requests to upgrade the club, leaving the piano untuned, the sound system low-budget

• When Miles ask her how she came to own this weirdly high-end club with low-end features, she is vague and evasive

• She appears to have a ton of money but didn’t inherit it and couldn’t have made it from her failed boutique clubs

• When people complain about the low quality of the club in a high rent location, she dismisses them, “I want that keep that street vibe.”

• When Miles has an important showcase in front of industry execs, the club sound system goes haywire, and audience members are strangely loud and rude.

• When Miles threatens to quit the club, she threatens him, “Your place is here. You won’t survive out there.” She is trying to keep Miles’ career from taking off.

• Miles Google’s Missy, and she appears to have no past.

• He digs deeper with an image search and finds that she changed her name and has a troubled past within the industry.

• He then finds that she was at the same university, in the artist management program. And that she briefly managed the short-lived music career of Howie Spikes!

Mystery 3: Who is the silent partner?

Throughout the first half of the film, Missy takes calls or responds to text messages with vague commands and warnings. But they come from someone labeled, “The Man.” We have no idea who this is, but clearly, she is doing his bidding.

• Missy is seen taking calls and responding to commands.

• The makeup of the crowd varies wildly from day to day; sometimes high-end, sometimes vagrants, and it seems connected to commands Missy is receiving

• Money is tight, then free-flowing

• Missy can spend it on high-end booze but not on making the music features of the club better (“It’s what the boss wants.”)

• Need more here!

Mystery 4: Is Howie manipulating everyone?

• Howie shows up at the club, appears to be a fan of Miles

• But then talks loudly during his performances

• Miles asks him to help promote his shows, which he promises to do, but then only makes slight mention in columns about other artists

• Howie throws money around to impress the Chicago elite when they come to th shows. He’s loaded.

• But then, when Miles asks him for support, he says he can’t afford it.

• As Miles’ marriage comes apart due to financial stress, Howie watches, smirking, then speaks to Ella (Miles’ wife.) “I’m here for you. “You have always been here for yourself alone asshole.”

• As Mile’s marriage deteriorates further, we find out about the love triangle gone bad in Miles’, Ella’s, and Howie’s past.

• And how they were best friends in college until Miles “stole” Ella and his talent obliterated Howie’s.

• They’ve stayed in touch, but Howie has always refused to help the struggling Coles, even though he’s loaded through an inheritance that is revealed.

• Miles, always a tech wizard, is able to trace fake reviews and AI accounts to Howie

• Miles discovers the composition he apparently plagiarized was AI-generated to sound like the guy he didn’t copy. He traces the account back an employee of Howie’s

• When Miles is about to break out, thugs rough him up, which is too much for Missy, who exposes Howie as the source.

[Peter Saltzman]

<b cid=”n139″ mdtype=”heading”>Peter Saltzman’s Villain Has a Great Plan!

What I learned: at this point, I’m throwing shit against the wall the see what sticks. I love the method, but the more I work on this particular thriller idea, the less I’m sure it will fly. I will try it out on my other idea (The alternative Beethoven history/thriller) and see if it works better on that. Otherwise, I might start from scratch. But yeah, love this method of building the thriller map.

What is the end goal?

To humiliate, demean, and destroy the career and personal life of brilliant musician Miles Cole.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

Everyone creates differently, and I decided to combine the devious methods and coverups. The coverups, then, come right after the devious stuff. That just worked for me. I then sequenced them. So it’s all in one piece.

Negative Publicity: Howie anonymously leaks fabricated stories about Miles’ personal life, tarnishing his reputation. Howie, posing as a concerned colleague, approaches Miles with advice on managing the negative publicity. Miles is initially grateful for the support.

Undermining Confidence: As Miles faces more negative publicity, Howie subtly begins to erode his self-confidence. Howie presents himself as a mentor, seemingly trying to help Miles regain his self-assuredness.

Cultural Appropriation: Howie uses AI-generated stories about Miles culturally appropriating music from various groups. He publishes an article condemning cancel culture, but conveniently omits Miles’ situation. Miles starts to question his authenticity.

Sabotaging Collaborations: Miles attempts a collaboration with another musician, but misunderstandings arise due to Howie’s rumors. Howie steps in as a mediator, suggesting he’s helping to resolve the situation.

Stalking and Threats: As Miles’ confidence wanes, he begins receiving anonymous threats. Howie offers to assist in handling the threats, further manipulating Miles’ emotions.

Hijacking Social Media: Amid the threats, Howie hacks Miles’ social media accounts and posts incriminating content. He positions himself as a cybersecurity ally, offering to help uncover the alleged hacker.

Paying off Concert Promoters: Miles secures a potential performance opportunity, but Howie intervenes behind the scenes, preventing him from playing in a serious venue. Howie writes a piece about how Miles should aim for better venues, adding doubt to Miles’ choices.

Infiltrating Support Network: Miles’ inner circle becomes divided due to Howie’s manipulations. Howie acts as a mediator, pretending to help mend relationships, while secretly perpetuating the divide.

Tampering with Instruments: Miles’ instruments malfunction during a performance. Howie offers his expertise in fixing the issues, appearing helpful while causing further sabotage.

Paying Audience Members to Disrupt the Shows: Miles’ shows face disruptions by paid audience members. Howie chastises the disruptors publicly, posing as a defender of Miles’ performances.

Financial Ruin: Miles faces financial challenges as investments fail. Howie presents a joint financial venture as a solution, claiming to help Miles recover from his losses.

Booking Catastrophic Gigs: Miles secures a high-profile gig, but Howie ensures it’s riddled with flaws. Howie acts as an agent, suggesting the mishaps were accidental and promising better opportunities.

Hiring Thugs: Miles encounters thugs meant to intimidate him. Howie intervenes, appearing as a savior while orchestrating the intimidation from the start.

Hacking the Sound System: During a performance, the club’s sound system is hacked, creating disruptions. Howie showcases his tech skills by seemingly outsmarting the hackers, diverting suspicion.

[Peter Saltzman]

<b cid=”n2″ mdtype=”heading”>Assignment 1:

Things I learned:

• This stacking MIS is happening at so many levels, often simultaneously.
• Everything is ripe with deception, including, of course, the performances, directing, an cinematography.
• It never lets up, up to and including the very last controversial shot.

<b cid=”n17″ mdtype=”heading”>Assignment 2:

What I learned:

• First, I haven’t seen Silence of the Lambs since it came out. I forgot, or perhaps never knew, just how great a movie it is.
• Doing this exercise made me hyper-aware of the intricate level of detail in the way MIS is heightened throughout the film.
• Beneath the surface, there is some incredible detail highlighting the vulnerability of Clarice vs. her toughness. Just about every male character, including Crawford and Chilton, lord it over her, either subtly or blatantly demeaning her. But it goes further. In the opening segment, we see Clarice called into the FBI building to meet Crawford. She enters an elevator filled with tall me in orange, all at least a foot taller than her. Throughout the movie, we see these kinds of images and hear dialogue that demeans her. Weirdly, or perhaps not, the only male character who truly appreciates her talent is Lecter. Clarice, of course, ends up owning all of them. And what a performance by Jodie Foster to show both her vulnerability and power.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s World and Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Each step in the process helps me find new details and fill in holes (while simultaneously exposing new holes!)

Once again, I’m posting two concepts because I’m still unsure which one I’m going with…

Concept 1: Harmonic Freedom

1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.

Big Mystery: How has Beethoven been lured into being a virtual slave in Virginia? How will he escape the doctor’s plan with his health and dignity intact?<div>

Big Intrigue: To manipulate Beethoven into composing a “masterpiece” that celebrates Southern values.

Big Suspense: That he will become enslaved and have to do the artistic bidding of his master.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.

Beethoven is virtually imprisoned in the main house of the expansive plantation, but through Ada, the violinist-slave assigned to help him, he is led to a discrete corner of the plantation, where a small gathering of slaves who are skilled musicians themselves keeps alive African traditions and melds them with the world of early America.

1. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

HERO: Beethoven</div><div>

What is the mystery of this character? How has the doctor cured him, and at what price?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? If he can escape, what will the greatest composer in history do with the new musical language he has learned from the slaves?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will he be enslaved himself or killed trying to escape?

RED HERRING: Isadora Brown (wife of the doctor)

What is the mystery of this character? As a brilliant amateur pianist and Beethoven freak herself, she seems to be the one who has lured the composer into this trap and expects repayment with a series of compositions dedicated to her.

B What is the intrigue of this character? Her provenance is mysterious, and it the doctor may have rescued her from poverty or slavery in Haiti or some other island nation.

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will she help Beethoven escape and at what cost to her own status?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Villian: Albert Brown (brilliant doctor, slaveholder)

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What is the mystery of this character? A complete musical illiterate, what is his obsession with Beethoven? And how did such a seemingly thoughtless and depraved man become such a brilliant doctor—or is there some fraud behind it?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What is the intrigue of this character? He is willing to manipulate anybody, including his wife, to get what he wants. But what does he want?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What is the suspense of this character? He has seemingly cured Beethoven of his deadly illness and restored his hearing but expects the composer to do his bidding in return.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Concept 2: Fugue

1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.

Big Mystery: Who is manipulating Milo’s career and why?</div><div>

Big Intrigue: Will Howie manage to keep Milo from escaping a miserable career and broken marriage and keep him from bringing his brilliant music to the world?

Big Suspense: Will Milo’s career be permanently damaged, and will he be killed in the process of staging his comeback?

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.

A hidden network of musicians, waitstaff, and performers who have all experienced mysterious setbacks in their careers. Milo discovers this tight-knit group while searching for a way to restore his own career. They exchange stories and secrets, uncovering a pattern suggesting deliberate interference in their lives.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

HERO: Milo Coles, brilliant forgotten musician</div>

A. What is the mystery of this character? How has he gotten stuck in this situation, and why can’t he get out?

B What is the intrigue of this character? Beneath his depressed state, he’s an absolute musical magician

.C. What is the suspense of this character? Every opportunity for escape leads to something worse or danger to his life.

RED HERRING: Misty Jones (club owner, bartender)

What is the mystery of this character? She’s a music lover but a cynic who seems to want to keep Milo here for her own amusement

.B What is the intrigue of this character? She has a mysterious background, having become the club owner overnight a few years back out of the blue with no previous background in the business.

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will she keep Milo trapped or help him escape, even if it leads to the downfall of her club?

Villian: Howie Spike, music critic

What is the mystery of this character? A respected music critic noted for his flowery language, he has a past with Milo and may, out of jealousy, be thwarting him.

What is the intrigue of this character? What does he have against Milo, professionally and personally?

What is the suspense of this character? To what extremes will he go to destroy Milo once and for all? Even if it means ruining his own career.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s big MIS.

What I learned: is that just about any concept can be turned into a thriller, but finding the key components to do so is difficult (for me.)

I am posting two possible concepts here, neither of which is quite right—yet. But I guess that’s the process…

Concept 1: Harmonic Freedom

Genre: Thriller/Alternative History

Logline: Beethoven, on his deathbed, is healed and has his hearing restored by a brilliant slaveholding doctor in Virginia, but when he finds the truth about his doctor, he must escape along with the doctor’s slaves.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Beethoven, on near death in Vienna, is manipulated into going to Virginia to have his life and hearing saved by a brilliant doctor who happens to be a slaveholder. Once Beethoven understands the trap, he, along with the violinist slave who helped nurse him back to health, hatch a plan of escape.

Dangerous Villain: Albert Brown, an innovative doctor and slaveholder in Virginia who plans to use Beethoven to validate the South’s politics.

High stakes: Beethoven and the slave Ada’s freedom and dignity.Life and death situations: a network of deceit as Beethoven and Ada’s attempt to escape an elaborate series of trapsThis story is thrilling because? It’s freaking Beethoven in an alternate history, having to escape being enslaved and save his life and legacy.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: How has Beethoven been lured into this trap? How will he escape the doctor’s plan with his health and dignity intact?

Big Intrigue: To manipulate Beethoven into composing a “masterpiece” that celebrates Southern values.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Big Suspense: That he will become enslaved and have to do the artistic bidding of his master.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>1.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Concept 2:

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>“The Fugue”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>LOGLINE: A talented pianist’s dream of a comeback is threatened by a sinister plot orchestrated by a former colleague.

. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Milo Coles, a brilliant pianist/composer stuck playing in a seedy Chicago piano bar. Every attempt to revive his career stopped.

Dangerous Villain: Howie Spikes, a music critic, is out to destroy Milo out of professional and personal jealousy. High stakes: Milo’s career, broken marriage, and his very life are threatened by forces he doesn’t understand.

Life and death situations: Every attempt of Miles to break out of his miserable situation leads to more misery and danger, making his situation increasingly worse.

This story is thrilling because? We want Milo to succeed and break out of the club, but every opportunity takes him down and even darker path until he figures out how Howie is manipulating his career and life.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: Who is manipulating Milo’s career and why?

Big Intrigue: Will Howie manage to keep Milo from escaping a miserable career and broken marriage and keep him from bringing his brilliant music to the world.

Big Suspense: Will Milo’s career be permanently damaged and will he be killed in the process of staging his comeback?

[Peter Saltzman]

1. Peter Saltzman

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Peter Saltzman]

What I learned is that you can create a thriller by building an intricate set of puzzles and slowly unraveling them. This is something I’m particularly good at with music, so I’d love to see how I can apply it here.

Sharper (2023, Apple)

• Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Tom, bookstore owner, would-be novelist, son of a billionaire who sees him as a disappointment. He is at the absolute bottom of the pyramid of people being played, conned for their money. He appears passive and depressed but, over time, manages to figure out how he’s been scammed out of his fortune.

o Hero 2: Because of the clever structure of this script, there is a secondary hero, the love interest, Sandra, who initially scams Tom, but eventually helps him uncover it.

• Dangerous Villain: At the top of the pyramid of scammers scamming scammers is Madeline, a true pro-con-artist who plays the longest and most sophisticated game of them. She scams and the scammer who scams the scammer. Eventually, it comes back to bite her when the scammed work their way back to the top.

o Sub-Villain 1: Max who uses Sandra to scam Tom’s dad and is then scammed himself by Madeline. He’s just as bad as she is, not quite as clever.

• High stakes: Tom’s inheritance and possibly his life. Sandra’s mental health as she spirals into drug addiction after being used by Max.

• Life and death situations: For Tom and Sandra, their well-being; for Richard Hobbes, his life if you believe Max and Madeline are willing to go that far (which they aren’t.)

• This movie is thrilling because? For a long time, you don’t know who’s at the top of the scheme, and then you don’t if Tom is ultimately being taken down.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

• Big Mystery: Who is at the top of the scam pyramid?

• Big Intrigue: what do the scammers ultimately want? Where/when will they stop?

• Big Suspense: Will Tom and Sandra survive?

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? The structure and set-up are clever to the max (no pun intended). Almost too clever as it starts to become tedious. But they made it all pay off with a terrific ending in which the scammed ended up out outplaying the scammers.

[Peter Saltzman]

Hello All,

Good to be here in yet another exciting SU class.

• I am Peter Saltzman from Chicago
• I’ve written 5 TV pilots, all Sci-Fi
• It’s high time I write an actual movie script, and I need to break out of the Sci-Fi genre. I thought to myself, what is something I’m completely uncomfortable writing? A Thriller! So let’s do it.
• It’s not unusual, but I’m a composer/pianist/musician. But I generally build my stories around musicians, and, of course, I compose all the music for my projects.

[Peter Saltzman]

PETER SALTTZMAN’S QUERY LETTER DRAFT ONE

NOTE: Please feel free to email me (below) if you’d like to exchange critiques.

TITLE: The Bubble

Genre: One-Hour Sci-Fi/Comedy

The universe is about to end. Now what?

Granted, our cosmos consists of a single grocery store—Eatam’s, “the store with everything and more!” But Eatam’s parking lot is experiencing frequent extreme weather events; inside, merchandise and people are losing solidity.

At the center of the store is The Piano Bar from Hell, where Jackie Diamond goes out of his way to NOT entertain customers. But he and his music might be the key to saving the dying universe.

The piano bar is the only place unaffected by the unfolding catastrophe, and Jackie believes his music somehow shields him and his domain. But radical cleaning lady Alice Brady is convinced that Jackie’s fawning patron, store owner Go D, protects him for some nefarious purpose—while letting everyone else fade into non-existence.

But when Ruby Red, Jackie’s ex and the piano bar’s star singer, begins to lose tangibility, Jackie must decide: does he risk using his privileged position to help the inhabitants of Eatam’s escape oblivion? If he does, where will they go? If he doesn’t, where will HE go?

—

SERIES ENGINE: Alice, the leader of Eatam’s worker’s union, discovers several clues about their dying world while Jackie races against time to create an escape plan before it vanishes forever.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the pilot script.

Peter Saltzman

BIO: I’m an award-winning composer and pianist whose works have been published and played around the globe. An earlier version of “The Bubble” was a semi-finalist in a ScreenCraft TV pilot competition.

Email: petersaltzman@gmail.com
Phone:xxx

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.

[Peter Saltzman]

PETER SALTZMAN’S TARGETED MARKET

WHAT I LEARNED

Even though I’ve done something like this process on IMDBPro before, the refinements for searching, then working your way up from the bottom of the producer’s list are a huge help. Also, not wasting time mulling around producers with no contact info. That was a big time suck, e.g. waste of time, for me.

SIMILAR TV SHOWS

Black Mirror
Mr. Robot
Severance
Mrs. Davis
Andor
Dr. Who
Lost
The Big Door Prize
The Mandalorian
The Boys
The Orville
Rick and Morty
Westworld
For All Mankind
Team Galaxy

PRODUCERS

Just listing a few. I have a more efficient way of doing this: In IMDBPro, you add the contact to a list, then download the entire list as a csv file which you can open in a spreadsheet or import into a database. Let me know if you have questions about doing it this way.)

Paul Leonardo Jr. pauleonardo@aol.com

Gerry Robert Byrne 917-705-7148 phone, gerryrbyrne@gmail.com

Brett Wilson Brettwilsonmedia@gmail.com

Kate Glover, kateglover28@gmail.com

Denis Pedregosa,+34 916406086 phone, denis@babieka.com

Chris Lahr,+44 (0)7855 779 153 phone,mrchrislahr@gmail.com

[Peter Saltzman]

PETER SALTZMAN’S PHONE PITCH

WHAT I LEARNED:

This is going to be hard to sell over the phone. It works better in a query letter. Maybe I just need to practice it on friends, family, and fools.

Hi, I’m Peter Saltzman. I’m an award-winning composer/pianist, and I have a contained Sci-Fi/Comedy TV show I’d like to tell you about in 30 seconds. Can I give you a quick pitch?

It’s about a brilliant composer-pianist who must save the universe. And the entire universe is a high-end grocery store that is disappearing, the victim of extreme weather and bad AI.

BUDGET

It’s a contained script with plenty of CGI, so about $500K per episode.

ACTORS

Jeremy Strong and Jennifer Holiday

PAGES

35 for the pilot

WHO HAS SEEN THE SCRIPT?

You would be the first to see the script.

WHY IT FITS THIS COMPANY

Your company has produced Sci-Fi and Comedy TV shows.

HOW DOES IT END

Season one ends with the crew escaping their mini-universe and landing in a magnificent enclosed futuristic city. It is there that we find out we’ve been watching a TV show from 2099, and the rabid fans of the techno-utopian world are arguing over what the hell the show meant…

[Peter Saltzman]

PETER SALTZMAN’S PITCH FEST PITCH

WHAT I LEARNED

The more I do these lessons, the more I see I must create the show from the pitch and hooks.

TELL US YOUR CREDIBILITY.

Hi, I’m Peter Saltzman, a world-class composer, and pianist whose works have been performed worldwide. An earlier version of this story was a semifinalist in a Screencraft TV pilot competition.

GENRE AND TITLE

Today I have a half-hour Sci-Fi Dramedy called “The Bubble.”

HOOK

It’s the story of the grocery store with everything: literally, it’s the entire universe, but it’s all fading away. At the center of the universe is a self-absorbed pianist in a dank piano bar who may be able to save the world, but only if he can get out of his head.

BUDGET

This is a contained, one-location script, but it will require some CGI, so my best guess is $250k-$500k per episode.

ACTORS

I see actors with singing chops, like Jeremy Strong and Jennifer Hudson, at the A level.

ACTS OF THE PILOT

Act 1: Jackie Diamond plays a florid improvisation in the piano bar while a murderous gang begins spraying him with bullets. But it’s as if his music has created an impenetrable shield. We move out into the world: Eatam’s, the grocery store with everything and more but whose items randomly lose corporeality; then the parking lot where nothing works, and violent weather rules.

Act 2: The only place where everything does work is the piano bar: all is solid, functioning normally. Jackie thinks it’s his music, but cleaning lady and renegade, Alice Brady is convinced that store owner Dyk Wald, who fawns over Jackie, is protecting him for nefarious purposes. And then Jackie’s ex, star singer Ruby Red, begins to lose tangibility.

Act 3: Dyk promises to fix the problem, but as Ruby comes back to solidity, others begin to fade away. Dyk dismisses it as a bug and promises to keep Jackie safe. Jackie must decide: will he accept Dyk’s protection and let others (and the world itself) fade away? Or does he work with Alice to try to save the world?

HOW IT ENDS

Season one ends with Jackie, Alice, and the crew escaping their mini-universe and ending up in a magnificent enclosed futuristic city. It is there that we find out we’ve been watching a TV show from 2099, and the rabid fans of the techno-utopian world are arguing over what the hell it meant…

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Query Letter

What I learned: The structure (Hook, Act 1, turning point, conflict) that Hal spoke about on Saturday really hit home for me. That makes so much sense, and it works!

TITLE: The Bubble

Genre: 30-minute Sci-Fi/Comedy

The universe is about to end. Now what?

Granted, the cosmos consists of a single grocery store—Eatam’s, “the store with everything and more!” But its parking lot is experiencing frequent extreme weather events; in the store, merchandise and people are losing tangibility.

At the center of the store is The Piano Bar from Hell, where Jackie Diamond goes out of his way to NOT entertain customers. But he and his music might be the key to saving the dying universe. It’s the only place unaffected by the unfolding catastrophe.

Jackie believes that his music shields him and his domain from the effects of the global meltdown. But radical cleaning lady Alice Brady is convinced that Jackie’s fawning patron, store owner Go D, protects him for some nefarious purpose—while letting everyone else fade into non-existence.

Jackie must decide: does he risk using his privileged position to help the inhabitants of Eatam’s escape oblivion? If he does, where will they go? If he doesn’t, where will HE go?

—

SERIES ENGINE: As the series develops, Jackie and the crew must burst the bubbles of increasingly larger universes—each with bigger problems.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the pilot script.

Peter Saltzman

BIO: A world-class composer and pianist whose works have been published and played around the globe, Saltzman has also been a semi-finalist in a ScreenCraft TV pilot competition for an earlier version of The Bubble.

Email: xxx
Phone:xxx

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned: that I still have a lot of work to do on structuring this new version of my first season. The good news is that this exercise forced me to nail down some key elements, including turning points.

1st DRAFT OF SYNOPSIS: (I’m leaving out my hooks because they’re literally and figuratively all over the place.)

TITLE: The Bubble

Genre: 30-minute Sci-Fi/Comedy

What would you do if your entire universe was a grocery store that was fading into oblivion?

Welcome to Eatam’s, the store with everything and more—the place that knows what you want before you do!

An amazing world, but Eatam’s rundown parking lot is experiencing frequent violent weather events, and items and people in the store are losing their tangibility.

At the center of the store is The Piano Bar from Hell, where the brilliant but reclusive Jackie Diamond holds court. He and his music might be the key to saving the dying universe. It’s the only place unaffected by the unfolding catastrophe.

Jackie is convinced that his music is somehow protecting him. But cleaning lady and closet radical Alice is convinced that Jackie’s fawning patron, store owner Dick Wald, protects him for some nefarious purpose while letting everyone else fade into non-existence.

Jackie needs to decide: does he risk using his privileged position to help the inhabitants of Eatam’s escape oblivion? If he does, where will they go? If he doesn’t, where does HE go?

—

SERIES ENGINE: As the series develops, Jackie and the crew must burst the bubbles of increasingly larger universes—each with bigger problems.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the pilot script.

Peter Saltzman

BIO: A world-class composer and pianist whose works have been published and played around the globe, Saltzman has also been a semi-finalist in a ScreenCraft TV pilot competition for an earlier version of The Bubble.

Email: xxx
Phone:xxx

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman. Reason: Came up with a better opening hook, shortened overall. Still need a better series engine

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned: I found this to be VERY difficult and didn’t think I’d be a bee to get it done. But in reading through this exercise several times and then trying it out, I think I finally learned what high concept meant. (It only took me like five years!) I’m still unsure if I understand the Elevator Pitch, but I’m getting close.

High Concept: A conceited piano player must utilize his music to unite the inhabitants of the grocery store universe before it vanishes forever.

Elevator Pitch: The entire universe in my show is comprised of a mega-grocery store where you can find anything you want. But there’s a problem: everything is losing tangibility. It will fade into nothingness unless the conceited pianist who occupies the store’s piano bar can use his music to lead the inhabitants into a wider world. But he only plays for himself.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s 10 most interesting Things

What I learned: since I’m redoing my series, starting in what was the 2nd season (which I’ve only outlined), I’m finding a lot of missing “data.” That includes interesting things. I thought I had plenty. I needed more. So I went ahead and created some…

1. The entire universe is comprised of a piano bar enclosed in a mega-grocery and a parking lot where everything is broken. The year is 1974; the date is always August 7th.
2. Jacob’s sole purpose is to play entertaining music in the piano bar, but he only plays dark, twisted music for himself.
3. Inventory manager Bobo tracks and scores everyone’s actions. It seems like a game. People with lower rankings begin to lose their tangibility and must “outscore” another patron or worker to get it back.
4. As the store dwellers become more focused inward, they gain powers, but the universe shrinks to the size of a 7/11. When they work together for the common good, the universe expands but loses its stability.
5. Odd corollaries to modern tech: People are absorbed in their tablets, meaning notebooks they keep writing stuff in, tearing out pages, and throwing them in the trash. Throwing notes at each other. Characters have handheld mirrors they pull out to look at themselves.
   
6. Mike is ephemeral, not real. But he’s the one that can save them from oblivion. But can they trust a “ghost” from another universe?
7. Characters oddly invent things that didn’t exist in 1974. Barb invents hip-hop, which everyone rejects.
8. It looks like we’re in a 1970s grocery store, but then a customer grabs some detergent, and it disappears in his hand. He complains to an employee and then moves on.
9. Mike has special powers, but they are, for us, just normal. Regular physics applies to him, and the other characters distrust him because of it.
10. The entire first season is a setup. When the ensemble finally escapes the bubble universe, it is revealed that we have been watching a TV show in 2099. The stars are characters on the real show.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Project & Market

Genre: TV SciFi Musical-Comedy

Title: “The Bubble”

Concept: The entire universe is comprised of a mega-grocery store with a depressing piano bar and a broken-down parking lot that is the scene of extreme weather events. The store has everything you could ever desire—but all of it is losing tangibility. It will fade into nothingness unless its self-absorbed inhabitants can work together to find a way out into a wider world.

Most attractive about story: The combination of dark comedy and sci-fi with music and a contained setting. And at its heart, it’s a series of mysteries: why are the people here, how will they escape, and to where?

First target: Producers first because, at least in this iteration, I think it’s already a highly attractive product, ready to go to market.

What I learned today is...Most importantly, the second season of my show inherently had a more marketable hook than the first. And that even though I haven’t completed the pilot for that season, I can wait and write it from the POV of the marketable concepts I’ll be developing in this class.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman’s Marketable Components

LOGLINE: When the grocery store that is their entire universe begins to fade into non-existence, the self-absorbed inhabitants must work together to find their way to the larger world before their world is gone for good.

Component 1: Timely

The show incorporates timely themes of radical climate change and equally radical advanced AI. Those themes were far more explicit in the original season one (now season 2 with modifications.) However, the new, contained opening season retains those themes, even if somewhat couched in metaphorical imagery (which could make it more attractive?) The question I have (for myself) is how to bake that into the pitch without, well, delivering a book report. I have already eluded the climate change theme in my concept. Perhaps with a few choice words, I can build in the AI element, e.g., “It’s the store with ‘everything and more’, a place that knows what you want before you do.” OK, it’s already getting to long and wordy. Back to the drawing board…

Component 2: ULTIMATE

The show is extremely weird (but in an accessible and humorous way.)

• The universe is the size of the grocery store and its parking lot;
• The broken parking lot has no cars, just glass pods where people go to sleep and make love;
• The same parking lot is the scene of random and quickly fluctuating mega-weather events;
• Dialogue is randomly sung or rapped.
• Its inhabitants are extremely self-absorbed, e.g., Jacob, the pianist in the piano bar, refuses requests, preferring to play only his own oddball improvisations. In fact, the central narrative of <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The Bubble is how each character must break out of his or her own bubble so they can work together for the common good—and break out of their bubble universe. <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Again: How to pitch this without making it a damn book report.

What I learned: That I still need to fine tune the concept.

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman Producer/Manager

Producers meeting: The Bubble delves into serious issues (climate change and AI) but with a light and humorous touch that is not preachy and off-putting. It’s also done with a contained script in one location. And yes, it has musical elements that give it even more entertainment value, and it will appeal to the many actors who don’t often have the opportunity to show off their musical chops. There are magical and Sci-fi elements, but most can be done without CGI. The project is marketable, but with guidance, it can become even more so.

Manager’s Meeting: I believe I offer some unique talents as a writer, particularly in the way I can seamlessly integrate stories with music. My stories have deep and timely themes, but they are handled with a light touch that makes them entertaining and accessible. What I’m looking for is guidance in the final step of making them attractive to producers, actors, and directors. This is important because the features that make my projects unique may make them difficult to sell. But with guidance, I think I can give you innovative stories that sell!

What I learned: The idea of trying to get inside the producer/manager’s head is illuminating. I’m thinking that, henceforth, I’ll be incorporating that mindset into my creative decisions.

[Peter Saltzman]

1. Peter Saltzman

2. 6 (all variations of the same basic idea.)

3. To learn what I need to do to get power players to actually read (and listen) to my scripts/music.

4. Well, I’m a musician (composer, pianist, singer, producer), and all of my scripts including music, which I compose

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter Saltzman. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Peter Saltzman]

Lesson 7 is now posted.

[Peter Saltzman]

Nope. It’s definitely not posted yet. I suspect they are revising the AI part, but it would be nice to hear something from them on the delay.

[Peter Saltzman]

Funny…I took the BWTV class before this, and I do NOT have early access. Oh, well. I guess I’ll wait.

[Peter Saltzman]

Thanks. Yeah, there are some seriously wonky things with the way ChatGPT handles tables. And it’s hit or miss.

[Peter Saltzman]

I had the same kind of experience, Sara. Also, thanks for sharing the revised prompt. I also used the convert tool in Word, but hadn’t considered your solution. That’s great.

[Peter Saltzman]

Hi Michael,

I’d be happy to exchange, but I just finished the 2nd draft of the actual script. I don’t know if you’d be willing to read that in exchange for me reading your outline, but I’d also read your script when it’s ready.

Also, I won’t be able to look at anything until next week. In any case, email me at petersaltzman@gmail.com if you’re interested.

[Peter Saltzman]

I get the feeling that people posting the assignment here are using the pre-AI versions of the lessons. I have those as well since I took the class in 2019, but I’m going to wait for the new versions as they have been updated in other ways as well.

[Peter Saltzman]

Thanks for the update, Paige. I was beginning to wonder if it was some kind of medical emergency. It’s no big deal to wait.

[Peter Saltzman]

FYI: I don’t receive ANY emails. There’s something messed up with the site.

[Peter Saltzman]

Same here, Deanne. I don’t see lessons 4-7. I’m also not receiving lessons via email. I contacted Hal via Facebook to see what’s going on…

[Peter Saltzman]

Peter, did you actually receive this lesson yet? I haven’t. Just wondering…

[Peter Saltzman]

You are very welcome! I love the story and concept. And thank you for your amazingly helpful feedback on mine.

I’m also taking the BWTV AI class (took the regular one 3-4 years ago.) Note: Hal mentioned in his post-strike Zoom meeting the other night that the class is being pushed back a week: starting on October 7, instead of this Saturday. But I will see you in class! And good luck. I’m going to start an entirely new TV project in that class…

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Peter Saltzman.

[Peter Saltzman]

You know, you’re right: in the end, I wasn’t really blown away by the film. I liked almost everything about it, but it didn’t entirely add up. I think you may have hit the nail on the head: the stakes weren’t high enough. That and the fact that there was a creeping tedium to the structure as we went through the world from the POV of the four main characters. After the third act, I was tired of it. Still, I loved the twist at the end. I liked the film, but I didn’t love it.

Thanks for your comments.

[Peter Saltzman]

Hi Rita,

Thanks! This is so helpful. You managed to find all the spots I was concerned with in the first place. (And you noticed the Brady Bunch reference!)

I will work your suggestions into my pitch but probably won’t post the revised version for a while. I need to finish the outline of the new first season and the pilot first.

Thanks again.

[Peter Saltzman]

Hi Rita,

The first thing I want to say is I love the concept. Second, there is absolutely nothing unlikable about the protagonist. If anything, her actions and background make her immediately endearing—and funny! Now for some thoughts…

BLUE MOON While I like the title, and it certainly fits the story, I’m also worried about it for a couple of reasons. There is what seems like a minor TV show and movie with the same title, but I don’t think that’s an issue. Of course, there is the association with the great Rodgers & Hart tune—not a bad thing unless the producer assumes the tune will be used in the movie, which they could interpret as EXPENSIVE for licensing purposes. My real concern is that it may be a bit too generic. Yes, because of the song, we suspect it’s connected to love. But it’s not unique. One alternate suggestion: Blue Moon Painters. I know there is a premium on short titles, but that only adds one word. Plus, it creates a question in the reader/viewer’s mind: What the hell is that about?

Romantic Comedy

True love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you fake your way into owning a business you know nothing about.Of course, my title suggestion possibly ruins the opening hook. Or does it? If you just make it lowercase (blue moon), maybe it creates more mystery. In any case, I like the opening hook. There’s quite a jolt in the contrast after the ellipses.

When Dawn meets a handsome contractor she pretends to own a painting company and signs a contract to finish one of his projects. I think you need a comma after “contractor.” Perhaps a little description of Dawn, e.g., middle-aged (if that’s what she is.) Or this could be in the next paragraph. In either case, I feel like I need to know a bit more about her, other than her regular gig. You’ve said the contractor is “handsome.” So, maybe just a brief descriptor, the kind of thing you might use when you introduce a character in the script.

The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about authenticity so now she has to gather up some workers and get the job done. A comma after “authenticity.”

Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot? <font color=”#990000″>Love it.</font>

After a few disastrous mishaps, Dawn and her colorful crew find their groove and they just might pull it off! Maybe a short example of the disaster. Also, I know you have already written a version of the script, but I’m wondering about the possible consequences for her professor gig. Could there be a scenario where her status in that world is threatened by her burgeoning house painting gig? Perhaps we see that she has a colleague at the university that does not like her, is trying to bring her down. Or maybe the dean of the department. And then she unknowingly gets a gig painting that person’s house! My thought is that you could double down on the conflict by having Dawn feel pressure from the other side.

PLUS the contractor asked her out to dinner… but what if he finds out she lied? Does Dawn come clean or keep up the charade? Comma after PLUS. Again, I keep wondering about the consequences for her professor job. Does she have to choose between the two careers? Does she get in trouble for missing lectures to impress the contractor with her work ethic, getting jobs done?

Either way, she loses at love… unless she finds a way to have it all. The first time I read this (in the earlier version for another lesson), I wondered, “Why does she lose at love?” I mean it’s not necessarily implied from the previous paragraphs. Maybe, without giving away the ending, it could be something like, “Will she fail at both careers and find love? Or can she actually have it all?” OK, that’s inelegant, but something along those lines.

If you like this concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Rita Doyle Roberts

BIO: Rita Roberts is a professional artist who inherited a painting company and had to bluff her way through commercial contracts as the lead on construction sites. Blue Moon Bay Painting is now a successful business… and a great way to get dates. OK, there’s the actual company name. It would probably be too long as a title…anyway…I love the bio. It’s funny like the whole idea, and certainly gives you credibility in experience and knowledge about the subject.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Peter Saltzman.