[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Pitch Fest Pitch

I learned that a pitch is best when short and to the point, with answers prepped for likely questions.

Hi, I’m Phyllis Strong, a produced WGA television writer. Today I have a 1-hour Grounded Sci-Fi series called THE PRICE OF YOUTH. It’s a story that answers the question, what would happen if the rich and elderly could transfer their consciousness to hosts half their age?

Are there any questions?

The budget range will be on the lower to middle end of today’s episodic production budget.

For the tech mogul, Peter, I’m thinking of a Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) type, like Lewis Tan (Into the Badlands, Wu Assassins). For the neuroscientist, Diana, either Kylie Bunbury (The Pitch, When They See Us, Game Night) or Candice Patton (The Flash) would be great for the role.

In the pilot, in Act 1, we meet the four elderly test subjects, learning that one is dying and three are marginalized by old age. The test run is put on hold by tech mogul Peter’s Board of Directors.

In Act 2, Peter cleverly resurrects the project and the test subjects see their families, raising old wounds. A flaw is suppressed, the experiment goes forward, and the four awaken in brain-dead hosts.

In Act 3, newly young, they pursue their dreams under the cloud of a protest movement led by Peter’s estranged daughter. And Peter betrays his fellow test subject, ex-Senator Mark.

In Act 4, the flaw in the procedure emerges, as the test subjects become affected by their hosts’ primal emotions. Peter’s host was a domestic abuser and he’s inherited those violent urges.

In Act 5, Peter and fellow test subject, neuroscientist Diana, pursue the mystery of where these hosts actually came from. Meanwhile Mark, stung by Peter’s betrayal, becomes a mole for the military that is vying for control of this new tech.

The ending of the season will reveal that the hosts were part of a failed military experiment to create seasoned, combat-ready troops in young bodies.

From AI:

Comps: It is similar to “Black Mirror” but what makes it different is that it delves into the personal and ethical ramifications of futuristic technology on a more intimate scale.

Why this? This project explores the timeless desire for eternal youth and the ethical dilemmas surrounding advancements in technology, offering a thought-provoking narrative that challenges societal norms and examines the human condition.

Why now? With the rapid advancement of medical technology and growing concerns about aging and mortality, “The Price of Youth” taps into contemporary anxieties and explores the potential consequences of humanity’s quest for eternal life.

Why me? As a seasoned television writer specializing in science fiction, I bring a unique perspective and creative vision to “The Price of Youth,” ensuring a compelling and thought-provoking exploration of its central themes.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Phone Pitch

I learned from this lesson that AI was really good at coming up with phone pitches.

1. I will probably lead off with credibility.

2. AI came up with 3 good scripts:

High Concept Lead: Hi, this is Phyllis Strong, WGA produced television writer specializing in science fiction. I have a grounded sci-fi series called “The Price of Youth.” It follows four elderly test subjects who transfer their minds into young brain-dead hosts. It’s like Black Mirror, but more personal and intimate.
Component of Marketability Lead: Hi, Phyllis Strong here, known for my work in sci-fi. I’m pitching “The Price of Youth,” a grounded sci-fi series. What sets it apart is its uniqueness and timeliness. We explore the concept of elderly individuals transferring their minds into young bodies. It’s fresh and relevant for today’s audience.
Comps Lead: Hi, it’s Phyllis Strong. I’ve got a captivating grounded sci-fi project called “The Price of Youth.” Picture Black Mirror, but with a more personal touch. We follow four elderly characters as they navigate the complexities of inhabiting young bodies. It’s thought-provoking and deeply engaging.
3. Answers for Producer Questions

Budget range of $2M-5M per episode
Peter: Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians); Diana: Kylie Bunbury (When They See Us, Game Night); Mark: Nicholas Hoult (The Great); Suzanne: Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl) or Katie Cassidy (Arrow).
55 pages
No one, or you’re in the first round of producers I’m contacting.
You’ve done great genre work, like _____
The pilot ends with Mark, having been betrayed by Peter and needing new support for his senate run, agrees to be a mole for the military that is vying for this tech.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis' Query Letter

I learned that it was hard to boil down my interesting things into a short query letter, but I did my best on this draft.

For $20 million, you, too, can transfer your consciousness from your elderly body to a host half your age.

That’s tech mogul Peter’s pitch. Now he has to test it, fast, because he’s secretly dying. Neuroscientist Diana finds a flaw that’ll delay them, but Peter blackmails her to keep quiet. They and two other elderly test subjects undergo the procedure.

Success! Then, the flaw rears its ugly head.

Turns out host bodies retain their primal emotions. Hardened Diana develops strong romantic feelings for her host’s husband. Peter’s host abused his wife and now Peter has those violent urges.

How did these hosts get through the vetting process? Who’s really pulling the strings behind this Silicon Valley triumph?

BIO: Phyllis is a produced WGA television writer who has showrunners that will recommend working with her.

If you like the concept of THE PRICE OF YOUTH, I would be happy to have my agent send you the script.

Best,

Phyllis Strong

Contact Info:

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’s Marketable Components.

1. Current Logline: After four elderly test-subjects use an experimental procedure to transfer their minds into youthful brain-dead hosts, they discover that being young again has side-effects and setbacks.

2. Components of Marketability: A) Unique: Four elderly test subjects transfer their minds into youthful brain-dead hosts. B) Timely: The graying of America meets the luxury experiences of the 1% (think trips into space).

3. Pitch: People today, especially the rich, are living longer, and they spend their fortunes on one-of-a-kind experiences like rocket trips. That’s the inspiration for the story of four elderly test subjects who pay millions to transfer their minds into youthful, brain-dead hosts only to find they’re affected by their hosts’ primal emotions.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ High Concept/Elevator Pitch…
What I learned: I still don’t know why my reply won’t put in my formatting, instead of running in a single paragraph. But, anyway, I learned to brainstorm high concept pitches on my own, what an elevator pitch consists of, and that AI gave me some material to brainstorm but the comps were off…
• Peter saves his own life by transferring his consciousness into a younger host body, but has to deal with the consequences.
• Dilemma: If you could transfer your consciousness from your elderly body to a younger host, would you?
• Main Conflict: How would your friends and family react to your transferring your consciousness from your elderly body to a younger host?
• What’s at Stake? What would happen if rich, elderly individuals could transfer their consciousness to hosts half their age?
• Goal/Unique Opposition: Regaining your youth comes at a high price.////////////////
High Concept Pitch: What would happen if rich, elderly individuals could transfer their consciousness to hosts half their age?///////////////////
Elevator Pitch: I’m just finishing up a story that answers the question, what would happen if rich, elderly individuals could transfer their consciousness to hosts half their age?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Synopsis Hooks…
I learned that the hooks made writing a synopsis a lot easier, but this is definitely a first draft…
1. A futuristic experiment with four elderly test subjects wired to four brain-dead hosts. The elderly die.
2. Peter has only months to live, fueling his determination to do the procedure as soon as possible.
3. Diana is torn between letting the flawed procedure go forward, or have Peter reveal her career-ending secret.
4. We see the futuristic experiment again. The elderly still die, but the hosts awaken: the consciousness transfer procedure is a success.
5. Peter’s estranged daughter is a leader of the protests against the procedure he funded and is capitalizing on.
6. Diana has never been in love but her host body has strong feelings for her host’s husband.
7. Peter’s host abused his wife and Peter now has his violent urges.
8. The hosts were vetted by investigators who were paid off and then killed. Where did these hosts really come from?
9. Mark betrays Peter by becoming a mole for the military that’s vying for control of the project…
Title: The Price of Youth
Written by Phyllis Strong
Genre: 1 Hour Grounded Sci-Fi
There’s a new medical procedure for the 1%. When they get old, they can pay millions to transfer their consciousness to younger, brain-dead hosts.///
But it’s untested. Tech mogul Peter accelerates the launch because he’s secretly dying. Fellow test subject, neuroscientist Diana, finds a flaw but Peter blackmails her to stay quiet. The experiment goes forward and the four elderly subjects awaken in hosts more than half their age.///
Peter goes into sell mode and protests erupt over the morality and inequality of the procedure. Peter’s estranged daughter is a leader of the movement. ///
Then the flaw rears its ugly head. The hosts retain their primal emotions, which can overwhelm a new consciousness. Relationship-averse Diana develops strong romantic feelings for her host’s husband. Peter’s host abused his wife and now Peter has those violent urges. ///
Peter and Diana discover that the hosts were vetted by investigators who were paid off and then killed. Where did these hosts really come from? And does it have anything to do with the military vying for this transfer tech?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ 10 Most Interesting Things…
What I learned from this assignment was that brainstorming about the most interesting things led to more than 10 and gave me confidence in my pilot…
10 Most Interesting Things…
• Major Hook of Opening Scene: A futuristic experiment with four elderly test subjects wired to four brain-dead hosts. The elderly die.
• Big Surprise: Peter has only months to live, fueling his determination to do the procedure as soon as possible.
• Reversal: Peter’s Board puts his project on hold, meaning he will die if he can’t do an end run around them.
• Emotional Dilemma: Diana is torn between letting the flawed procedure go forward, or have Peter reveal her career-ending secret.
• Turning Point: We see the futuristic experiment again. The elderly still die, but the hosts awaken: the consciousness transfer procedure is a success.
• Big Surprise: Peter’s estranged daughter is a leader of the protests against the procedure he funded and is capitalizing on.
• Most Unique about Hero: Diana has never been in love but her host body has strong feelings for her host’s husband.
• Major Twist: Peter’s host abused his wife and Peter now has his violent urges.
• Turning Point: The hosts were vetted by investigators who were paid off and then killed. Where did these hosts really come from?
• Character Betrayal: Mark betrays Peter by becoming a mole for the military that’s vying for control of the project.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Producer/Manager
What I learned from this assignment is the difference between marketing myself to producers and managers.
1. To Producer…
I am a produced WGA television writer who has showrunners that will recommend working with me. My new project is a grounded sci-fi series that answers the question, what would happen if rich, elderly individuals could pay millions to transfer their minds to young, brain-dead host bodies? It’s a timely exploration of the marginalized elderly, and of the 1% who spend ridiculous amounts on one-of-a-kind experiences, like rocket trips to the edge of space.
2. To Manager…
I am a WGA produced sci-fi tv writer who has showrunners that will recommend working with me. I have several unproduced science fiction pilots; my newest project is a grounded sci-fi series that answers the question, what would happen if rich, elderly individuals could pay millions to transfer their minds to young, brain-dead host bodies? It’s a timely exploration of the marginalized elderly, and of the 1% who spend ridiculous amounts on one-of-a-kind experiences, like rocket trips to the edge of space.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Project and Market
What I learned from this assignment is that concise wording is best for my concept.
Genre: Grounded Sci-Fi
Title: The Price of Youth
Concept: What if the elderly could transfer consciousness to much younger, healthy bodies? Would it be a second chance at life, or would it be full of unexpected pitfalls?
I will target production companies first because I believe they will be most responsive to a high concept series like The Price of Youth.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Finished Wordsmithing
What I learned from this assignment was that doing a pass for test every line, check for tone, keywords and eliminate distractions improved my script each time. I had -ing words that I missed and orphan lines as well. A big change was that I cut a paragraph of description from a scene that added color, but wasn’t necessary. The dialogue also made another leap in improvement.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis has Amazing Description!

I learned from this assignment how to add internal process lines sparingly, and how to use setup/payoff to add reveals in description.

Before: He reaches a bungalow and raps on the door.

After: He reaches a bungalow. Takes a deep, meditative breath, then raps on the door. This sets up the idea what comes next requires him to be calm, then it’s paid off with the frosty reception he receives and the tough negotiation he undergoes.

Before: Rebecca hesitates.

After: Rebecca hesitates, then thinks twice about crossing Older Peter. This internal process line reveals that Older Peter has the power in this, and many, relationships.

Added tag line at end of scene: She’ll hang onto the prestige of being a Senator’s wife until the day she dies. An internal process line that underscores her hurt at Older Mark suggesting a divorce.

Before: The test subjects work out in their now fit host bodies. They’re now all in their mid 30’s.

After: The test subjects work out in their now fit host bodies. They’re now all in their mid 30’s, and push themselves because a camera crew records them for publicity. The reveal shows that the consciousness transfer procedure is intended, at least by Peter, to be a business, that needs publicity.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis has Great Introductions.
I learned from this assignment that my character introductions, world introduction, and descriptive irony were all there. At least I think they are…
My sub-world that is presented in the Teaser is futuristic, high-tech and mysterious. The Teaser actions are: A glass enclosed central chamber, four unconscious elderly individuals and four brain-dead individuals, electrodes attached to each elderly-brain-dead pair, scientists do countdown, bolts of electricity kill the elderly individuals.

[Phyllis Strong]

Something is wrong with my reply function: it doesn’t allow me to put in returns, and just runs all the sentences together (this only happens in the posting, not on my screen when I’m replying).

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Description 1
I learned from this assignment that improving imagery was difficult for me, but I did my best and altered 8 lines.
Before: Older Suzanne and Adam shoot dagger looks at each other.
After: Older Suzanne gives the Editor-in-Chief a grateful glance while Adam stews.
Before: OFF Older Diana and Tileston, casting dagger looks at each other. This is not going to go well.
After: Older Peter scurries off. Tileston shoots dagger looks at Older Diana, who smiles slightly, victorious.
Before: Older Mark eats dinner with his wife BRENDA (74), a well-bred, elegant and politically connected spouse. He married her to help win elections.
After: Older Mark sits far from his wife BRENDA (74) as they eat dinner. She is well-bred, elegant and politically connected. He married an asset, not a spouse.
Before: Older Diana slumps a little. She has too much to lose.
After: Older Diana stomps out of the diner.
Before: Theo scoops up the sobbing Lucy. Mark feels terrible.
After: Theo scoops up the sobbing Lucy. Mark stands transfixed, unable to take his eyes off them.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Strong Has Great Dialogue!

I learned from this assignment that a line by line dialogue review with brainstorming comes with practice and after a while I was really enjoying it. And I improved a lot of lines.

1. Before: Older Peter: Well, now she’ll be rejoining you and the team.

After: Older Peter: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Wonderful. Then it’ll be like old times, working together again.

Used Ironic Dialogue

2. Before: Brenda: You don’t think you’re going to wake up in a younger body, do you?

Older Mark: I’m laying it all on the line.

After: Older Mark: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>This would be a really stupid move if I didn’t.

Used Ironic Dialogue

3. Before: Brenda: Vanity, thy name is Mark Ashburn.

After: Brenda: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>All this so you can dispense with the Viagra?

Used Subtext

4. Before: Adam: You spent 20 million? On a pipe dream?

After: Adam: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>20 million? Mother, are you insane?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Before: Older Suzanne: I’m not going to sever <u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>all ties to the company I built.

After: Older Suzanne: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Adam, are you insane? I’m not going to sever my ties. Not to a company I built from scratch.

Used Setup/Payoff

5. Before: Head of Security: Sir, we have a situation. Protesters are blocking the main gate.

Before: Peter: Aren’t they supposed to stay on the sides?

After: Peter: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Sometimes I hate free speech.

Used Dialogue Delivers Character

6. Before: Peter: That’s not gonna happen.

After: Peter: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What is this, seventh grade?

Used: Dialogue Delivers Character

7. Before: Austin (realizing): You’re one of those people.

Suzanne: And how do you feel about that?

After: Suzanne: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Hope you won’t hold it against me.

Used Attack/Counterattack (Seduction)

8. Before: Peter: What happened?

After: Peter: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What’re you doing here at this hour?

Used Attack/Counterattack.

9. Before: Peter: The only way you’re up at six in the morning is if you’re up from the night before.

Diana: Maybe I just want to get my workout done before the day begins.

After: Diana: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>New body, new circadian rhythm. And since I’m up, I figured you could give me some yoga pointers.

Used Subtext

10. Before: Peter: I assure you, we did nothing nefarious. Just science.

After: Peter: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Let me explain how it works. It’s like a heart transplant, but in this case, my mind was transplanted into your husband’s body.

Used Dialogue Delivers Character

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 7-8

I learned from this assignment how to take passive lines and turn them into action (as defined in the lesson) and a technique for developing subtext.

Action

Original Line: Mark: Peter, you know I’ve always had your back when it comes to government regulation.

Action Line: Mark: Peter, with everything going on, we’ve gotta talk about regulation.

Original Line: Older Diana: C’mon, you know me better than that.

Action Line: Older Diana: That’ll be the day.

Original Line: Peter: I’m listening

Action Line: Peter: Go ahead.

Subtext

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS

PETER

I thought you were living in Stockholm.

ALLEGRA

I came back to the States for college. Took Mom’s name. I’ve been Allegra Mattson ever since.

PETER

No wonder I couldn’t find you.

ALLEGRA

C’mon, Dad. You didn’t even try.

PETER

I figured you wouldn’t want to hear from me, anyway.

ALLEGRA

(sarcastic)

Why? Just because you paid your parents to stay out of my life?

PETER

I did you a favor.

The subtext is Allegra (the daughter)’s hurt over her father abandoning her, and the guilt Peter feels over abandoning her.

INT. MARK’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE

KATE

I’d say it calls for a celebration with copious amounts of alcohol.

MARK

Eli’s still here. Let’s see if he can join.

KATE

He said something about plans.

Subtext: Kate is interested in dating Mark, but Mark is finding himself attracted to Eli.

INT. THEO’S SUBURBAN HOUSE – KITCHEN

THEO

He liked his indulgences. Maybe a little too much.

MARK

Marriage is about compromise. Although usually it’s just one of you that does it.

Subtext: Both Theo and Mark are talking about the failures of their respective marriages.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 3-5

I learned from this assignment that I can brainstorm any line, but also that some improved lines led me to rewrite and improve entire scenes.

A. Setup/Payoff

Original Line 1: Older Suzanne: Except I couldn’t save your father and then I wasn’t there for you and your sisters.

Improved Line 1: Older Suzanne: We both know that’s not true. Your father, you and your sisters. I wasn’t there for any of you.

Original Line 2: Mark: Peter, you know I’ve always had your back when it comes to government regulation.

Improved Line 2: Setup: Mark: Peter, with everything going on, we’ve gotta talk about regulation.

Payoff: Peter: If you go down this path, I’ll be forced to do everything in my power to keep you from the Senate.

B. Anticipatory Dialogue

Original Line 1: Older Diana: C’mon, you know me better than that.

Improved Line 1: Older Diana: That day will never come.

Original Line 2: Peter: That’s why you’re here. I need you back in the Senate.

Improved Line 2: Peter: It’s just rumblings right now. Let Congress twist in the wind until you’re back.

C. Ironic Dialogue

Original Line 1: Older Mark: That’s not it. I’m trying to bring a lifetime of experience back to the Senate.

Improved Line 1: Older Mark: Give me a little credit. It’s not my fault you have to be young to run for Senate these days.

Original Line 2: Brenda: I wish you could hear yourself.

Improved Line 2: Brenda: Just think, you’ll finally be the same age as the girls I’ve spent a lifetime ignoring.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 1 + 2

I learned from this assignment that attack/counterattack if a fantastic alternative to a scene, that for all. my efforts, turned out to be exposition-heavy. I also found the Dialogue Delivers Character a good exercise. I need to do it with all my lead characters.

Attack/Counterattack

I had a scene in which the 2 characters were spouting what they’d learned from investigating:

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Diana and Peter have done their own research and are going over their findings.

DIANA

Two months after they started vetting the hosts, our married couple bought a new house and new Teslas. For cash.

PETER

And they opened a Swiss bank account.

DIANA

Somebody paid those two a lotta money to falsify their results.

PETER

And then killed them to cover up who hired them.

DIANA

Do you think whoever did this just wanted to fuck up the experiment?

PETER

Like protesters? This seems too well-funded. And professional.

DIANA

Competitors? Other countries?

PETER

I have no fucking idea.

AFTER THE REVISION:

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Diana and Peter are deep into their own research. Suddenly, a real estate contract and car purchase agreements come up on the FLATSCREEN.

PETER

What’d you find?

DIANA

What they did two months after they started vetting the hosts. The fuckers.

PETER

Well, don’t keep me in suspense.

DIANA

They were on the take.

PETER

Are you sure?

DIANA

First, they bought two top-of-the- line Mercedes. Then a house in a swanky neighborhood. For cash.

PETER

Maybe they were just rich.

DIANA

Not according to their bank statements. But after they took the job, they felt the need to open a Swiss bank account.

(pointed)

Somebody paid them a lotta money to falsify their results. And then killed them to keep them quiet.

PETER

We sound like conspiracy theorists.

DIANA

If the shoe fits.

PETER

What I don’t understand is why.

DIANA

I don’t think we’re gonna know that until we find the “who.”

Dialogue Delivers Character

I went over each line of dialogue for my character Diana. In the following scene, I used her public mask of Confidence and her Coping Mechanism of Seizing Control to strengthen her responses in the following (partial) scene:

INT. BUNGALOW – CONTINUOUS

Crammed with scientific books. On two flatscreens, color-enhanced cross-sections of the human brain.

OLDER PETER

And here I thought you would’ve taken up gardening.

OLDER DIANA

C’mon, you know me better than that.

OLDER PETER

I do know how much the project means to you, Diana.

OLDER DIANA

Don’t sell me, Peter. Just get on with it.

She sits on her couch. He sits in the armchair opposite.

OLDER PETER

We’re closing in. But I can’t pull the trigger without your patent.

OLDER DIANA

God bless America, where you actually own what you create.

OLDER PETER

I’m prepared to offer you a princely sum.

OLDER DIANA

Whatever it is, it’s not enough.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Completed P/S Grid 2

I learned from this assignment that it was helpful to go through the scenes in my pilot to look for weak scenes, exposition instead of reveals, and situations that don’t challenge characters.

For weak scenes, I increased conflict and focused on intrigue.

For exposition instead of reveals, I made the reveals either more emotional, through a betrayal, and at the worst moment.

For situations that don’t challenge characters, I challenged a value and a wound.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Completed Problem/Solution #1

I learned from this assignment that I can make improvements not just with the problems listed on the grid, but with the scenes that flow from making the changes.

I suspected I had weak turning points and I put my outline through ai.screenplayfeedback and that was confirmed. In all but Act 2, I had to change which scene was the turning point and improve it. And the scenes that were moved ended up at the top of the next Act, or cut completely. I love the improvements, and I also moved a scene that wasn’t working from Act 4 to Act 2, increased the stakes of the scene I moved, and ended up with a life or death situation in my Act 4 turning point. I also did some work with adding intrigue.

Overall, I have a better script and I trimmed 3 pages!

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis has finished Act 4 & 5.

What I learned from this assignment is that I wrote faster but high speed writing put me way outside my comfort zone. I had to stop myself from fixing a rambling scene I came to hate, and just move on.

My lead characters are definitely out of their comfort zones in Act 4 and most of Act 5 is different lock downs for my lead characters. I end on a cliffhanger that involves one character’s dilemma and the series’ dramatic question.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 3

What I learned from Act 3 is I’m getting faster–wrote 12 pages in a day, but still struggling with some of the rules for speedwriting. Here are my grades:

Rule 1: B

Rule 2: A

Rule 3: B

Rule 4: A

Rule 5: C

Rule 6: B

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 2

What I learned from this assignment was I can improve my stalling out, but it’s still an issue.

Rule 1: C.

Rule 2: A.

Rule 3: B.

Rule 4: A

Rule 5: B

Rule 6: B

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 1

What I learned from this assignment is that a detailed outline really helps the writing process. That being said, my big problem is stalling out. On to Act 2!

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Strong’s Teaser & High Speed Writing.

I learned from this assignment that high speed writing does not come naturally and I really have to work on it. That said, I did a short teaser in an hour (that’s not speedy, I know).

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Outline With Intrigue

I learned from this lesson that I could dig deep into my scenes and find irony and other intrigue that I didn’t initially think was there.

Teaser

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – NIGHT: INTRIGUING WORLD

Scientists attach electrodes to the shaved heads of: Older Diana (75), Older Peter (68), Older Mark (81) and Older Suzanne (87) They’re lying unconscious. Meanwhile, doctors attach electrodes to four comatose individuals in their 30’s who are connected to life support machines. Monitors show brain activity normal for the elderly and dark for the younger people.

Head scientist Lily (50’s) taps her futuristic touchpad. Electricity arcs from the elderly to the young. Then the elderly convulse and collapse. Each of their monitors flatline. They’re dead.

OL: Who are the elderly people?

OL: Who are the younger people?

M: Why are the younger people brain-dead?

M: What is this experiment about?

E/D: The elderly people die.

Set Up: We will see the experiment in context later.

Act One

INT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY – DAY (3 MONTHS EARLIER): MYSTERY

Former neuroscientist Older Diana frostily welcomes Older Peter, her tech mogul boss who forced her into retirement 10 years ago. He’s desperate to acquire her patent; otherwise, she could block the procedure he’s developing. And he’s in a hurry. Which gives her the power.

She’ll assign him the patent if he reinstates her on the project—and makes her a test subject. He agrees to the first, but points out she doesn’t have the money to pay for the second. She tells him he can take care of that.

M: Why did Older Peter force Older Diana into retirement?

E/D: Older Diana aged out of her job.

M: Why is Older Peter in a hurry?

M: Were Older Diana and Older Peter merely employer/employee?

Payoff: The procedure Older Peter is developing is the one we saw in the Teaser.

M: Why do you need to pay money to be a test subject?

Irony: Older Diana is blackmailing Older Peter for a chance that she might lose her life.

Set Up: Older Diana stole the breakthrough theory that led to the consciousness transfer procedure.

EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY: WOUND

Older Mark, a Senator, golfs with his old friend, the head of the Independent Party. They’re on the putting green when Older Mark argues that he wants to run for another term. His companion points out he’s had a 40-year run. Why not go out on top and write a memoir?

Older Mark pushes until the Party Chief retorts that he’s too old and they’ve got a younger candidate in mind. Older Mark drives a golf ball hard to express his frustration.

E/D: Older Mark can’t run for another term because he’s considered too old.

Set Up: Older Mark will become one of the test subjects.

Irony: Older Mark has built up all this experience in the Senate that he can’t use because he’s too old.

M: What’s driving Older Mark to seek another term?

OL: Will Older Mark run for Senate?

INT. VOGUE MAGAZINE OFFICES – DAY: WOUND

Older Suzanne, a cosmetics tycoon, is with the Editor-In-Chief, going over the upcoming issue’s layout so she can approve the placement for her cosmetics ads. She has taste and is firm with her opinions.

Her son Adam (59) bursts in to announce she has no authority to speak for the company, humiliating Older Suzanne. The Editor-In-Chief defuses the situation, claiming she asked for Older Suzanne’s help as a personal favor.

M: Why does Older Suzanne have no authority at her company?

M: Why is the Older Suzanne-Adam relationship so bad that he wants to humiliate her?

Set Up: Older Suzanne neglected Adam growing up because of work.

E/D: Older Suzanne is being humiliated by her own son.

E/D: Adam perceives Older Suzanne as too old to be effective.

Irony: Older Suzanne is the best one for the task.

INT. OLDER PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY: DECEPTION

Older Peter tells his CFO to put down the $20 million to be paid to older Diana’s host family as a legal expense. The CFO is hesitant, but Older Peter will take responsibility. Older Peter has a pain attack that he explains as the result of a heavy breakfast.

After the CFO leaves Older Peter calls a realtor about selling or mortgaging his properties.

Payoff: Older Peter pays for Older Suzanne to become a test subject.

Set Up: Older Peter’s pain is really from late-stage cancer.

M: Why is Older Peter being shady about the $20 million?

M: Why is Older Peter considering mortgaging or selling his properties?

Set Up: The project is costing too much and Older Peter needs funds.

Irony: A successful billionaire doesn’t have enough money.

INT. DINER – DAY: CONSPIRACY

A remote downscale diner that Older Peter uses when he wants to conduct confidential business. He and his doctor are having lunch, but Older Peter has no appetite. The doctor tells him, as his oncologist, that he still recommends chemotherapy to extend his life beyond a few months.

Older Peter says he can’t be sidelined now. He just needs to control the pain. The oncologist has brought him oxycontin. No problem if he gets addicted.

Payoff: Older Peter has Stage 3 pancreatic cancer.

OL: Will anyone else find out about the cancer?

Irony: no problem with addiction because Older Peter is dying.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY: HIDDEN AGENDA

Older Peter has come to view a power test to determine the optimal amount of energy needed for the transfer procedure. Two test dummies are strapped into adjacent beds with conductive coils connecting their electrodes. Lily asks an engineer for the level of gigawatts, then works her touchpad.

The electricity running through fries the electrodes, sets the dummy heads on fire, and ruptures the conductive coils. An utter failure. Older Peter tells Lily to hold this report until after his board meeting this evening.

E/D: The power test is a failure.

OL: Will Older Peter make this procedure viable before he dies?

Set Up: Older Peter needs to deceive Board to continue the project.

INT. BOARDROOM – NIGHT: IMMINENT THREAT

Older Peter explains how they can sell this procedure to people of all ages, who will put a deposit down and use it when they grow old. He’s only bounded by the number of suitable candidates. 26,000 people a year suffer brain death and they need a fraction of that for these projections (on screen).

A Board Member rises to interrupt the presentation and accuses Older Peter of failing to notify them of the spiraling costs of this procedure. He calls for a vote and The Board votes to suspend operation, for now.

Payoff: All of Older Peter’s deceptions were to mislead the Board into thinking the project would be profitable.

E/D: Older Peter’s project is delayed, which is life or death for him.

Set Up: Older Peter will find a way around the Board.

Irony: The Board thinks it’s only pausing the project, but it is condemning Peter to death.

INT. HIGH-TECH AUDITORIUM – TWO DAYS LATER: INTRIGUING WORLD

Older Peter holds a slick product launch press conference to introduce the consciousness transfer procedure. He introduces his fellow test subjects, and mentions that Older Diana came up with the breakthrough theory that makes the whole thing possible. The auditorium is full and mesmerized.

Afterwards, journalists shout out questions. One asks Older Diana how she came up with her breakthrough. She deflects, saying it was over 40 years ago. Two hours later, Older Peter learns that the company’s stock price is rising. The Chairman of the Board calls to say the project is back on.

M: What is Older Diana hiding about her breakthrough theory?

Payoff: Older Peter won his battle against the Board.

OL: How will the world react to a fountain of youth only available to the supremely wealthy?

Act Two

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – OBSERVATION GALLERY – DAY: HIDDEN LAYER

The test subjects now have time to settle their affairs before the scheduled procedure. Especially with their families. Older Diana has no living relatives to deal with. Older Peter broke up with his last girlfriend. Older Diana asks him about his daughter.

Older Peter hasn’t seen his estranged daughter in 25 years. Older Diana encourages him to contact her, but he’s afraid of a face-to-face rejection.

M: Why is Older Peter estranged from his daughter?

OL: Will Older Peter ever reconcile with his daughter?

OL: Will some of Older Diana’s relatives actually be alive?

Set Up: Older Peter’s estranged daughter will show up.

Irony: Older Peter can manage a project that will change the world, but he’s afraid to talk to his daughter.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY: WOUND

Older Peter tells Lily that Older Diana is now a new member of the scientific team. Lily comments that she thought she was in charge of selecting the team. She also notes, in a catty manner, that Older Diana’s been out of the loop for 10 years, a lifetime in science.

Older Diana coldly replies that’s she’s kept up to speed during her retirement. There’s no love lost between these two women.

M: Was Lily there when Older Diana was, and do they have a history?

OL: Will Older Diana and Lily ever bury the hatchet?

Irony: Lily has no respect for Older Diana, who was on this project for nearly 40 years.

Set Up: Older Diana and Lily will jockey for control of the project.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT: HIDDEN LAYER

Older Mark eats dinner with his wife Sylvia (74) whom he married for political reasons. They’ve had a long, loveless marriage which he has strayed from, regularly. They are cordial with each other, but their body language betrays their anger.

Older Mark wants a divorce. Sylvia threatens to air all their dirty laundry to sabotage his re-election bid. He’ll just have to stick to mistresses.

OL: Will Sylvia threaten Older Mark’s run for Senate?

OL: Will Mark manage to get the divorce?

M: Were they ever happy in their marriage?

Irony: The perfect couple bitterly hate each other underneath.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – DAY: HIDDEN LAYER

Older Suzanne has come to see Adam to tell him the news. She tries to make her son see that she deserves a do-over in life. The way his father died, the way she was never there for him or his sisters—she has so many regrets.

All Adam cares about is that she resign from her Emeritus post at the company and never again pursue a role there. And he wants it in writing. Disappointed, she leaves without signing the contract he’d already drawn up.

OL: Will Older Suzanne and her son ever mend their relationship?

M: How did Older Suzanne’s husband die?

M: How did the relationship between Older Suzanne and her son get this bad?

Irony: Older Suzanne wants approval from the son she neglected.

INT. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT OFFICE – DAY: SECRET IDENTITY

Older Mark visits his beloved daughter Sarah (46), a Congresswoman. They have always been close and she’s followed in his footsteps. When he explains he’s going to become young again to compete for his Senate seat, she accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

OL: What will Sarah do if her father runs for Senate?

M: Why was Older Mark blind to the ambition he had inculcated in his daughter?

Irony: Sarah is a chip of the old block but Older Mark can’t see that.

E/D: Older Mark has deeply disappointed his beloved daughter.

E/D: Sarah is devastated by her father’s news.

INT. TEST SUBJECT PREP ROOM – NIGHT: INTRIGUING WORLD

The four test subjects are preparing for the procedure by having their heads shaved so the electrodes can be placed. To cover up the distinct possibility that they will die, all four keep the mood light. They talk about the first thing they’ll do in their rejuvenated bodies.

Older Diana wants to climb mountain peaks the way she did in her 30’s. Older Peter wants to do yoga and tai chi the way he used to. Older Mark wants to play basketball—it’s been 17 years. Older Suzanne wants to eat a pint of blackberry chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting.

A knock on the door: they’re ready for them.

Irony: They might die so they are keeping conversation light.

E/D: They all might die in this experiment.

Payoff: The procedure is at a point where they can try it.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT: MYSTERY

Quick cuts of each host family’s final goodbye. The husband of Older Diana’s host refuses to let go of his wife’s hand as she’s wheeled out until Med Techs intervene. The husband of Older Mark’s host hugs the body and dissolves into tears. The parents of Older Suzanne’s host hold each other by her bedside.

In contrast, the wife of Older Peter’s host doesn’t look upset to see her husband go.

M: Who are these brain-dead hosts?

M: Why did the families agree—was it just the money?

Set Up: Why doesn’t the wife of Older Peter’s host look upset?

Set Up: What were the family relationships before these hosts became brain-dead?

Irony: the families are giving up their loved ones for dead, but in sense, they’ll be alive again.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT: IMMINENT THREAT

A slightly expanded version of the Teaser. The test subjects enter and lie down on their beds. They’re given anesthesia as scientists attach electrodes. The hosts (also with heads shaved), on portable life support units, have their electrodes attached. Then an engineer connects a test subject to a host with conductive coils.

The procedure starts. Same convulsion and death. The test subjects’ monitors all flatline. But this time we go further and see the host bodies open their eyes. And monitors show that the hosts’ brain activity is normal.

Payoff: The procedure worked.

Set Up: What problems with the procedure might arise?

OL: What is life going to be like for the test subjects in their new host bodies?

Act Three

INT. PETER’S COMPANY GYM – DAY (6 MOS LATER): INTRIGUING WORLD

The test subjects are working out with trainers in their now fit host bodies. They’re pushing themselves because a photographer is there, shooting video for publicity. Lily and the Chief Doctor enter to inform them that they’ll be released in a week, and have to do follow ups every month.

Lily cautions them that their faces are as known as the influencers on social media and the reality stars on TV. They should be prepared for looks and selfie requests, or worse. A protest movement has sprung up against those who can pay millions for a literal fountain of youth.

Set Up: They will be recognized.

Set Up: There is now an organized protest movement.

Payoff: The test subjects have successfully integrated with their now-healed host bodies.

Irony: They will be famous because of the enormity of this consciousness transfer, not for any accomplishments.

OL: What will the hosts experience in the outside world?

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY: INTRIGUING WORLD

Peter is on a video call pitching to middle-aged near-billionaires. His CFO interrupts to tell him their sales numbers are going through the roof. Peter warns his targets that they better reserve their spots soon.

Security calls: protesters are blocking the main entry gate. They send the footage to his screen. He freeze-frames the ringleader. A look of recognition crosses his face. He tells security he’ll speak with her.

Set Up: The ringleader will turn out to be Peter’s estranged daughter.

Payoff: Peter is making money on this procedure like he projected.

OL: What will happen with the protests?

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS – DAY: SECRET IDENTITY

Peter heads toward a designated spot in the center of the company campus. Two security officers follow at a discreet distance. The ringleader stands and waits, flanked by a security team. No one is taking any chances. When Peter arrives, he waves away all the security. The ringleader says “Hi, Dad.” She is Emma (35), his estranged daughter.

Emma notes, ironically, that they’re the same age now. She’s come with a proposal. Her national group wants a lottery system with a low-priced ticket. Peter rejects it, contending that a lottery hurts the lower classes, who spend more of their income than they should on tickets.

M: Why are Peter and his daughter estranged?

OL: Will Peter and his daughter ever reconcile?

M: How did Emma become a ringleader in the protest movement?

OL: Will the protest movement become a threat to the test subjects?

OL: Will the protest movement become a major obstacle to the procedure?

Irony: Peter is faced with the estranged daughter he’s been avoiding.

Payoff: The estranged daughter is here.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT – DAY: SECRET IDENTITY

Mark is playing one-on-one basketball against a campaign intern. A hot campaign manager, Eli (36) comes to interview. Mark has them both shoot baskets while he interviews him. Definite chemistry. And, despite his youth, Eli has a stellar record of waging successful campaigns. He’s hired.

M: Why did Mark really hire Eli?

OL: What kind of relationship will form between Mark and Eli?

M: Is Eli gay?

Set Up: Eli will affect Mark’s trajectory.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY: SECRET

Suzanne brings flowers to a gravesite that’s part of a wealthy family’s burial plot. She bends to trace the engraved name with her finger, then stands. She removes from her purse a photograph taken in 1971 of a young man (25) playing a guitar. The handwritten name under it is “Alan.”

As Suzanne stares at the photograph, it stirs memories…

E/D: Suzanne is distressed that this man is dead.

M: Who was Alan to Suzanne?

Set Up: Alan was an important part of Suzanne’s life.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK): HIDDEN LAYER

Suzanne flashes back to herself at 45, having a horrible fight with her husband, Don (40’s) over his reckless use of drugs. Don’s always wallowing in self-pity about how she outshines him everywhere they go. They throw and smash objects. She blurts out that she should have stayed with Alan.

E/D: Suzanne had a terrible marriage.

Payoff: Alan was her first love.

M: How did Suzanne’s husband die?

M: How did Suzanne come to marry Don?

INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT: HIDDEN AGENDA

Suzanne does a search for Alan’s obituary. Suzanne reads the names of the surviving family members and starts searching social media for them. Amid all the cyberstalking, she finds a grandson, Austin (30), who will be performing at a bar in Los Angeles tomorrow night.

Set Up: Suzanne finds out about Alan’s grandson.

Irony: Suzanne is now roughly the same age as her first love’s grandson.

M: Why is Suzanne so focused on this family? What are her intentions?

INT. LOS ANGELES BAR – NEXT NIGHT: SECRET IDENTITY

Austin, playing acoustic guitar, finishes up the last song in his set. Suzanne is at the bar, dressed in the Gen Z version of a killer outfit. As she approaches him, he recognizes her as one of the famous test subjects. She flirts with him and learns he’s in his family’s real estate business. They have chemistry.

Payoff: Suzanne meets Austin.

M: Why is she trying to seduce Austin?

Irony: Suzanne attempts to seduce the grandson of a man she had an intense relationship with.

Set Up: Suzanne is planning something more than a one-night stand.

INT. MARK’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT: SECRET IDENTITY

An attractive female polling expert tells Mark he needs to take a position on consciousness transfer—should it be left to the free market, or should it be regulated? As she talks about polling voters, she flirts with him.

For a man who was reputedly a Senate Lothario, Mark is strangely not interested. But he’s noticed through the half-glass wall of Eli’s office that his campaign manager is changing clothes. Mark is mesmerized by his body.

Payoff: Mark has an interest in Eli beyond work, and it’s physical.

Set Up: Mark will be open to a sexual encounter with Eli.

M: Why is Mark suddenly attracted to men?

M: Was Mark secretly gay in his previous life?

Irony: In his previous body, Mark pursued numerous extra-marital affairs with women. Enough to get a reputation.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY: WOUND

Diana has commandeered a team of analysts to go over test subject and host data because she wants to probe for problems before moving forward. Lily is furious because she plans on devoting all their resources to meeting Peter’s goal: performing the next set of transfer procedures in 6 months.

Diana and Lily argue over the split of resources. Ultimately, Diana gets two data scientists, while Lily takes the rest of the staff. Lily’s won this round.

OL: Will Diana find problems with the procedure’s outcome?

OL: Will the company meet Peter’s goal?

Set Up: Did the hosts cause a problem in the procedure?

Payoff: Diana and Lily are in full-blown competition, and Lily wins the first round.

OL: How will Diana try to win against Lily to regain the respect she feels is missing?

INT. MEDICAL LAB – DAY: HIDDEN LAYER

Peter and Mark are hooked up to a set of monitors generating scans of their brains and their bodies. Mark tells Peter he has to take a position on consciousness transfer, and he’s leaning toward putting in guardrails. Peter’s shocked: Mark is a test subject because as a Senator he protected this tech from government interference.

But now that the tech works, Mark is worried about national security. What if bad actors emerge? Peter, deadly calm, says he might have to reconsider whom to support in the Senate race.

Set Up: Mark doesn’t have the same goal for the consciousness procedure that Peter does.

OL: Will Mark come out for regulation?

OL: If he does, will Peter make good on his threat?

Irony: Mark believes the exact opposite of what he used to.

Payoff: Mark is following his pollster’s recommendation.

INT. CORRIDOR/DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT: STRANGE BEHAVIOR

Diana exits the High-Tech Lab into a corridor that leads to her sleeping quarters. She sleeps at work. In bed, Diana pores over her host’s data. She also sees a bio of her host’s husband and takes note of the photo.

For an unknown reason, she feels compelled to find photos and video of this man. She scours social media, unable to stop. She reacts to the sky lightening outside her window as dawn approaches. What the fuck is she doing?

M: Why is she so obsessed with her host’s husband’s photos?

Set Up: There is a reason for Diana’s unexplainable compulsion.

Irony: Diana, who has no one in her life and prefers it that way, is acting like a teenager with a crush.

Act Four

INT. COMPANY YOGA ROOM – EARLY MORNING: HIDDEN AGENDA

Peter is alone, doing a series of yoga poses. Diana, having been up all night, knows she can find him here at 6 am. She enters, starts doing yoga poses, too. In an off-hand way, she mentions that the protests seem to be growing in size and frequency.

She suggests that it might be good publicity to visit the host families and then have them confirm that they are happy with the outcome.

OL: What will happen with the protests?

E/D: Diana feels ashamed of her unexplainable compulsion.

INT. JOSH’S APARTMENT – DAY: HIDDEN LAYER

Upon meeting Josh (35), her host’s husband, Diana feels compelled to throw her arms around him, but he beats her to it. She hugs back. Josh is emotional seeing “his wife” living and breathing again. She was his soulmate and today he feels like she’s somehow found her way back to him.

Diana asks if he’s still okay with his decision. Josh nods, then asks why she wanted to be young again. Feeling (strangely) comfortable in his presence, she confesses that her mother had Alzheimer’s and it was in her genes and she couldn’t live like that. Did she leave someone special behind? No, Diana never found love, but she was fine with that.

E/D: Diana is being vulnerable and opening up to Josh.

Set Up: Who are these hosts, really?

Payoff: Older Diana’s concern with screening the hosts for genetic diseases is a result of her mother’s Alzheimer’s.

M: What kind of relationships did Diana have in her previous life?

OL: Will anything romantic happen between Diana and Josh?

INT. THEO’S SUBURBAN HOUSE – DAY: WOUND

Mark is reminded that his host was gay when he meets his husband Theo (40). Theo has no real regrets because the $20 million enabled him to buy this house and devote all his time to raising his 7-year-old daughter, Lucy. But he doesn’t want his daughter confused, so he sent her on a playdate.

Unfortunately, the friend’s mother returns Lucy, who goes running into Mark’s arms shouting “Daddy.” Mark replies that he just looks like him. Lucy asks what his favorite ice cream flavor is. When Mark responds with the wrong flavor, Lucy starts to cry. He’s not her Daddy. Mark feels terrible.

E/D: M feels terrible about hurting his host’s daughter.

M: Is Mark’s being gay somehow connected to his host?

Irony: Not only did Mark hurt his own daughter by transferring his consciousness, but he also hurt his host’s daughter.

INT. MANSION – DAY: SECRET

The mansion recently purchased by Suzanne’s host’s parents is decorated in a flashy, over the top style. When Suzanne meets Patti and Chris (both early 60’s), they’re overcome with excitement about a celebrity cosmetics tycoon in the family. They hope they can spend some time with her. Maybe some free samples from her company, too?

Suzanne hides her distaste as she asks if they regret the choice they made. Are you kidding—it paid for this house and everything in it. They hate to say it, but their daughter left for good after college, and it was a relief because she was obsessive and vindictive. They didn’t see her until after the accident.

M: Has Suzanne been affected by her host’s obsessive and vindictive behaviors?

OL: If not, will she be?

Irony: Suzanne, the tasteful, elegant, competent businesswoman, is paired, through her host, with the exact opposite types of people.

INT. ANNA’S APARTMENT – DAY: IMMINENT THREAT

Peter meets his host’s wife, Anna (33). His host physically abused her, but the wounds have long ago healed. All Peter picks up is her nervous disposition. After asking if she has any regrets, she answers that her husband wasn’t supposed to return.

Peter is confused for a beat, then realizes that she’s convinced that he’s her late husband. He tries to dissuade her, but when he moves closer, she turns and grabs a hidden gun. Pointing it at him, she says she won’t let him hurt another woman. Instinctively, Peter grabs the gun and disarms her. He nearly pistol-whips her, but stops himself.

E/D: Peter was attacked in a case of mistaken identity.

M: If there was so much vetting and testing, how did this man slip through the cracks to become Peter’s host body?

M: Who was Peter’s host?

OL: Will Peter be able to control his rage?

Irony: Zen, unflappable Peter now has a violent temper.

INT. DINER – NIGHT: MYSTERY

An upset Peter prefers to be here to talk to Diana. After hearing his story, she strongly suspects his rage came from how his host body is wired. She believes the same is true of her attraction to Josh. They have to fix this defect before they try the procedure again. Diana advocates for transparency to avoid scandal if the protesters find out. Peter disagrees, fearing his clients will pull out and his company will go bankrupt.

Both Diana and Peter know how to push each other’s buttons, hinting at a previous relationship. At one point, an enraged Peter slams his drinking glass so forcefully on to the table that it cracks. Finally, he threatens to reveal a secret that will ruin Diana’s scientific reputation.

E/D: Both Diana and Peter are affected by the emotions wired into their host bodies.

M: What is the secret that will ruin Diana’s scientific reputation?

M: Did Peter and Diana have more than an employer-employee relationship?

OL: How else will the hosts influence the test subjects’ behavior?

INT. DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT: MYSTERY

Still shaken by her encounter with Peter, Diana is on her bed, arms around her knees—a position that denotes vulnerability. Diana asks her AI assistant for information on Dr. Arjun Chakrabarti. Is he connected to the secret Peter alluded to? She’s informed Chakrabarti died in NY on 9/11.

E/D: Diana is shaken by Peter’s anger and threat.

M: Who is Dr. Chakrabarti to Diana?

M: Is Dr. Chakrabarti connected to Diana’s secret?

Act Five

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY: SUSPICION

After the altercation in the diner, Diana is keeping her distance from Peter. He insists on keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark, so they can’t accidentally reveal the side-effects to outsiders.

The first step in counteracting the mysterious influences on their emotions is to find out everything they can about the hosts. Peter admits he farmed out procurement to a firm that investigates potential hires.

Payoff: Peter’s desperation to complete the procedure quickly also led to outsourcing the vetting process.

M: What went wrong with the vetting process?

M: What is the story with the company Peter hired?

M: Who were the hosts, really?

EXT. 40-FOOT YACHT – DAY: SECRET IDENTITY

Suzanne treats Austin to a ride on a friend’s yacht. As they knife through the water, Suzanne goes up to the captain and takes over the helm. Austin is impressed. Then she lets him steer the boat. Suddenly, she gets an alert about her company; she hasn’t let that go yet. It turns out her son Adam is expanding the business into fashion—a terrible move.

Austin reminds her that she wants to let go of her work side. Suzanne takes this opportunity to give him a special gift: a vintage acoustic guitar that belonged to James Taylor, Austin’s favorite musician because his grandfather used to play the records. He gives her a passionate kiss.

OL: Will Suzanne be able to resist going back to her ruthless businesswoman self?

Payoff: Suzanne is building a romantic relationship with Austin.

OL: Does Suzanne have a hidden agenda when it comes to Austin?

EXT./INT. VETTING COMPANY – DAY: SUSPICION

As Diana and Peter exit from a car, Diana reports to Peter that the host records had no reference to anyone having violent tendencies.

When Diana and Peter first meet the CEO, he’s defensive: he put his best teams on their project. Eventually, the CEO gleans from his files that the selected hosts were all vetted by a married couple. They happened to die in a car accident, sometime between the press conference and the transfer.

M: Does the CEO know more than he’s saying?

M: What are the chances of only one team having all the test subjects selected?

M: Was the death of the investigators really an accident?

Set Up: the start of unraveling the mystery of the hosts.

OL: What else will Diana and Peter discover?

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT: SECRET IDENTITY

Mark and Eli are the only ones there, working late. Eli informs Mark that the polling data he asked for, about how people in his state feel about gay and lesbian issues, should arrive in a few days. Eli guesses correctly that the question is a proxy for how people feel about gay politicians.

Then Eli makes a pass at Mark, who responds, despite the fact that an affair with a subordinate would be a career-ender. The two of them end up on the couch in Mark’s office. Mark swears Eli to secrecy, but can he trust him?

M: Is Mark gay because his host was gay?

OL: Will Mark be outed or come out?

OL: Will the affair be found out?

OL: What will happen with Mark and Eli’s relationship?

Irony: Mark never caused a scandal in the Senate with his known womanizing, but that was a different era. He’s more vulnerable with this kind of affair, today.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY: MYSTERY

Peter and Diana have done their own research and are going over what they’ve discovered. While the married investigators were vetting the hosts, they put a down payment on a new house, bought expensive E-Cars, and opened a Swiss Bank account.

On a video call, they try to pry account information from an officious Swiss banker, but no dice. Still, they’ve made progress. But they still have no clue who paid them to falsify their vetting results and then had them killed.

M: Who paid the investigators to falsify their vetting results?

M: Did the same party responsible for paying them also have them killed? Or is something else going on?

M: Why did they falsify the vetting results?

M: Why were the investigators killed?

M: Are those who paid and killed the investigators just a link in a long chain to those ultimately responsible?

Where did these hosts come from if so much trouble went into falsifying their vetting results?

INT. UNDERGROUND BUNKER – DAY: CONSPIRACY

The entire bunker is set up as a high-tech lab, with scientists all over. The head scientist is in the middle of briefing General Barnes (60’s) on their progress. They can’t make the leap to imitate Peter’s company until they know more about what they’ve done.

They’re interrupted by a call for Barnes: his guest is waiting in his office.

M: Why is this lab trying to run parallel with Peter’s?

M: What is the Pentagon’s interest in consciousness transfer technology?

M: Why is this lab a secret operation?

M: Is this lab a secret from the administration or sanctioned by it?

OL: What might they do to Peter’s operation or the test subjects?

INT. GENERAL BARNES PENTAGON OFFICE – DAY: CONSPIRACY

Mark is there and his expression is grim. He asks if Barnes is willing to help persuade the administration to endorse him for the Senate. The General doesn’t think that will be a problem.

Mark says okay, he’ll do it. Barnes assures him that as a mole he’ll be doing the right thing: protecting national security.

Payoff: Mark is betraying Peter over his values (national security).

E/D: Mark believes in loyalty but he believes in serving his country, more.

OL: Will Mark be caught by anyone on Peter’s side?

OL: How will Mark steal information from Peter’s lab and its tight security

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Beat Sheet

I learned that the process of putting together a beat sheet got my creative juices flowing.

Show Concept: A scientist, a dying tech mogul, an ex-Senator and a marginalized cosmetics tycoon transfer their minds to young, brain-dead bodies, but their regained youth may not be worth the price.

Inciting Incident: Four wealthy, elderly individuals have transferred their minds to young, brain-dead bodies in an experimental procedure. They jump into their second chances, but nothing goes as planned.

A Story: The transfer procedure

B Story: Mark’s personal story

C Story: Suzanne’s personal story

Teaser

INT HIGH-TECH LAB – NIGHT

Four elderly individuals are paired with four brain-dead 30 somethings on life support. As the procedure starts, the elderly convulse and die.

Act One

INT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY – DAY (3 MONTHS EARLIER)

Older Diana (75) receives Older Peter (68), who needs a patent from her to perform the procedure. She blackmails him into accepting her as a test subject.

EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY

Older Mark (81) golfs with the head of the Independent Party, who says they won’t back Older Mark’s bid to regain his Senate seat because he’s too old.

INT. VOGUE MAGAZINE OFFICES – DAY

Older Suzanne (87) is approving the placement for her cosmetics ads. Her son Adam (59) bursts in to announce she has no authority anymore. Suzanne is humiliated.

INT. OLDER PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Older Peter tells his CFO to put down the $20 million to be paid to Diana’s host family as a legal expense. Alone, he calls about selling or mortgaging his properties.

INT. DINER – DAY

Older Peter meets with his doctor where he won’t be seen. He’s dying of cancer. Too late for treatment. Doctor brings him oxycontin for the pain.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter reviews test results that aren’t stellar. Cleverly asks a lower-level tech to run a hypothetical good scenario and send it straight to him.

INT. BOARDROOM – DAY

A Board Member accuses Older Peter of failing to notify them of the spiraling cost of the R&D for this procedure. The Board is about to pull the plug to avoid bankruptcy.

INT. HI-TECH AUDITORIUM – DAY

Older Peter holds a product launch press conference for the procedure that sends up the stock price. Now the Board has to let him proceed.

Act Two

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – GALLERY CATWALK – DAY

Older Diana has no family to see before the procedure. Older Peter hasn’t seen his estranged daughter in 25 years, and has no plans to contact her now.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter introduces Older Diana to Head Scientist Lily (50s) as a new member of the scientific team. Frosty between the two women.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Older Mark eats dinner with his wife (74) whom he married for political reasons. He wants a divorce. She’ll air all the dirty laundry. He’ll just have to stick to mistresses.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – DAY

Older Suzanne tries to convince her son that she wants a do-over on her personal life and has no interest in pursuing a role with the company. Her son wants it in writing.

INT. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT OFFICE – DAY

Older Mark visits beloved Congresswoman Daughter (46) to explain what he’s going to do. She accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT

The four test subjects are preparing for the procedure by having their heads shaved. Gallows humor.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Quick cuts of each host family saying a final goodbye to their loved one. The wife of Peter’s host doesn’t look upset to see her husband go.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT

The run up to the Teaser: the test subjects are wired to hosts. Procedure starts. Same convulsion and death. But this time we go further and see the host bodies open their eyes.

Act Three

INT. PETER’S COMPANY GYM – DAY (6 MONTHS LATER)

Test Subjects are working out with trainers in their now fit host bodies. A photographer shoots video for publicity. Lily and Chief Doctor inform them they’ll be released.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Peter’s on video call selling middle-aged billionaires. Security calls: protesters are blocking the main gate. Peter reacts to footage: he’ll speak to the ringleader.

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS – DAY

Peter meets with the protest leader, who is his estranged daughter. She notes they’re basically the same age now. Her demand? A lottery system.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

Mark playing one-on-one against a campaign intern. A hot campaign manager, Eli (36) comes to interview. He shoots baskets with Mark during talk and gets the job.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Suzanne brings flowers to a gravesite at a wealthy family’s burial plot. She takes out a photograph taken in the early 1970’s of a young man (25) playing a guitar.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Suzanne flashes back to glimpses of a horrible fight with her husband—she should have stayed with her first love.

INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT

Suzanne is cyberstalking this family. An obituary for the same man, aged 70 (we can see resemblance). Searches social media and finds the grandson, Austin.

INT. GUITAR SHOP WITH STAGE – NIGHT

Austin’s turn to play. Suzanne in audience. She flirts with him after. He confesses it’s just a hobby. He’s in his family’s real estate business.

INT. MARK’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

Attractive female polling expert tells Mark he needs a position on consciousness transfer. Flirts. Mark’s not interested. Eli changes in office to go out. Mark is mesmerized by his body.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Lily wants to move forward to satisfy Peter’s timetable of new transfers in 6 months. Diana wants to go over past data, especially on the hosts. Argue over split of resources.

INT. OFFICE CORRIDOR/DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT

Diana in bed, pores over her host’s physical data. Sees bio, notes photo of her husband. Scours social media for more. It’s his image that she can’t stop searching for. Till dawn.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Mark tells Peter he’s leaning toward regulation. Mark is worried about national security. Peter, deadly calm, says he might have to reconsider whom to support in the Senate race.

Act Four

INT. COMPANY YOGA ROOM – DAY

Diana finds Peter finishing up a series of yoga poses. Suggests that with all the protests, it might be good publicity to visit the host families.

INT. JOSH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Upon meeting Josh (35), her host’s husband, Diana knows what to do to convince him that despite the impending divorce, his wife still loved him.

INT. THEO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Mark realizes his host was gay when he meets the husband Theo (40). His heart goes out to the 7-year-old daughter, thinking of his own daughter.

INT. MODEST HOUSE – DAY

Suzanne meets her host’s parentswho are thrilled to have a celebrity cosmetics tycoon in the family. They confess that their daughter was obsessive and manipulative.

INT. CHLOE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Peter meets his host’s abused wife, Chloe (33). She doesn’t believe that he’s not her husband. Pulls a gun. Won’t let him hurt another woman. Instinctively Peter grabs the gun from her. He nearly pistol-whips her, but stops himself.

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – DAY

Mark asks the polling expert to find out how receptive people in his state are to gay or lesbian politicians.

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Diana receives an urgent message from Peter to see him in his office. She asks her AI assistant for information on Dr. Arjun Chakrabarti. Informed he died in NY on 9/11.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Diana confirms that Peter’s rage came from how his host body is wired. Argue about transparency vs. hiding the truth. They both know how to push each other’s buttons. Peter pushes her against a wall and threatens to release a secret that will ruin her reputation.

Act Five

INT. DINER – DAY

Peter insists on keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark. Diana needs everything on the host bodies. Peter admits he farmed out procurement to a firm that investigates potential hires.

INT. HOTEL SUITE – DAY

Suzanne finalizes a purchase, has it delivered to a marina slip.

EXT. 40-FOOT SAILBOAT – DAY

Suzanne and Austin enjoy the ride. She gets an alert that Adam is expanding into fashion. Austin reminds to let go. She gives him a vintage guitar. He gives her a passionate kiss.

EXT. CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Diana reports to Peter that the records were all clean; no mention of Peter’s host’s violent tendencies.

INT. VETTING COMPANY – DAY

The four hosts selected were all vetted by a married couple killed in a car accident, sometime between the press conference and the consciousness transfer.

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

Working late in otherwise empty office, Mark succumbs to Eli’s advances.They end up on the couch in Mark’s office. Mark swears Eli to secrecy.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

While the investigators were vetting the hosts, they put a down payment on a new house and both bought top of the line E-Cars. Who paid them and then had them killed?

INT. UNDERGROUND BUNKER – DAY

Set up as a hi-tech lab. Scientists at work. General Barnes (60’s) surveys the scene as he gets a call from his office that his guest is waiting in his office.

INT. GENERAL BARNES PENTAGON OFFICE – DAY

Mark is there. Asks if Barnes is willing to help persuade the administration to endorse him for the Senate. Barnes assures Mark that as a mole he’ll be protecting national security.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Scene Requirements

I learned from this assignment that the scene requirements were crucial in turning my beat sheet into an outline.

Teaser

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – NIGHT

Scientists attach electrodes to the shaved heads of: Older Diana (75), Older Peter (68), Older Mark (81) and Older Suzanne (87) They’re lying unconscious. Meanwhile, doctors attach electrodes to four comatose individuals in their 30’s who are connected to life support machines. Monitors show brain activity normal for the elderly and dark for the younger people.

Head scientist Lily (50’s) taps her futuristic touchpad. Electricity arcs from the elderly to the young. Then the elderly convulse and collapse. Each of their monitors flatline. They’re dead.

Start: Four elderly individuals hooked up to four brain-dead 30 something bodies on life support.

Challenging Situation: A dangerous experiment.

Conflict: A moral conflict for the elderly and the scientists: should they be conducting this experiment?

Action: Electricity arcs from old brain to young. The elderly convulse. Monitors flatline.

Finish: The elderly are dead.

Act One

INT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY – DAY (3 MONTHS EARLIER)

Former neuroscientist Older Diana frostily welcomes Older Peter, her tech mogul boss who forced her into retirement 10 years ago. He’s desperate to acquire her patent; otherwise, she could block the procedure he’s developing. And he’s in a hurry. Which gives her the power.

She’ll assign him the patent if he reinstates her on the project—and makes her a test subject. He agrees to the first, but points out she doesn’t have the money to pay for the second. She tells him he can take care of that.

Start: Older Diana is polite to Older Peter, nothing more.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter needs patent from Older Diana.

Conflict: Older Diana wants to be a test subject; Older Peter objects.

Action: When Older Peter grimaces from pain, he lies that his arthritis is acting up.

Finish: Older Peter agrees to Older Diana’s demand.

EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY

Older Mark (81), a Senator, golfs with his old friend, the head of the Independent Party. They’re on the putting green when Older Mark argues that he wants to run for another term. His companion points out he’s had a 40-year run. Why not go out on top and write a memoir?

Older Mark pushes until the Party Chief retorts that he’s too old and they’ve got a younger candidate in mind. Older Mark drives a golf ball hard to express his frustration.

Start: Older Mark eases into the conversation of his interest in returning to the Senate.

Challenging Situation: Older Mark needs his Party’s endorsement.

Conflict: Older Mark wants to run while the Party wants someone else.

Action: Older Mark drives a golf ball a long way to indicate his frustration.

Finish: Older Mark can’t run for Senate.

INT. VOGUE MAGAZINE OFFICES – DAY

Older Suzanne (87), a cosmetics tycoon, is with the Editor-In-Chief, going over the upcoming issue’s layout so she can approve the placement for her cosmetics ads. She has taste and is firm with her opinions.

Her son Adam (59) bursts in to announce she has no authority to speak for the company, humiliating Older Suzanne. The Editor-In-Chief defuses the situation, claiming she asked for Older Suzanne’s help as a personal favor.

Start: Older Suzanne with Editor-in-Chief reviewing ad layout.

Challenging Situation: Her son undermines her in humiliating fashion.

Conflict: Older Suzanne vs. her son.

Action: Show Older Suzanne’s competence through reviewing the ads.

Finish: Editor-in-Chief defuses the situation so Older Suzanne isn’t totally humiliated.

INT. OLDER PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Older Peter tells his CFO to put down the $20 million to be paid to Diana’s host family as a legal expense. The CFO is hesitant, but Older Peter will take responsibility. Older Peter has a pain attack that he explains as the result of a heavy breakfast.

After the CFO leaves Older Peter calls a realtor about selling or mortgaging his properties.

Start: Older Peter tells CFO to do something shady.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter needs more funds for his project.

Conflict: Older Peter is at odds with his Board of Directors.

Action: Older Peter can’t hide the pain in his belly but blames it on a heavy breakfast.

Finish: Older Peter is willing to sell properties to keep going.

INT. DINER – DAY

A remote downscale diner that Older Peter uses when he wants to conduct confidential business. He and his doctor are having lunch, but Older Peter has no appetite. The doctor tells him, as his oncologist, that he still recommends chemotherapy to extend his life beyond a few months.

Older Peter says he can’t be sidelined now. He just needs to control the pain. The oncologist has brought him oxycontin. No problem if he gets addicted.

Start: Older Peter meets with doctor in out-of-the-way place.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter is dying of cancer.

Conflict: Older Peter is trying to hide his situation from others.

Action: Eating at diner. Older Peter with little appetite.

Finish: Doctor gives Older Peter opioids for the pain.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter has come to view a power test to determine the optimal amount of energy needed for the transfer procedure. Two test dummies are strapped into adjacent beds with conductive coils connecting their electrodes. Lily asks an engineer for the level of gigawatts, then works her touchpad.

The electricity running through fries the electrodes, sets the dummy heads on fire, and ruptures the conductive coils. An utter failure. Older Peter tells Lily to hold this report until after his board meeting this evening.

Start: Older Peter attends a test of the procedure equipment.

Challenging Situation: He needs the procedure to work.

Conflict: Older Peter vs. His Board.

Action: The test fries the heads of test dummies and shorts out system.

Finish: The test is a failure. Older Peter wants it covered up for now.

INT. BOARDROOM – NIGHT

Older Peter explains how they can sell this procedure to people of all ages, who will put a deposit down and use it when they grow old. He’s only bounded by the number of suitable candidates. 26,000 people a year suffer brain death and they need a fraction of that for these projections (on screen).

A Board Member rises to interrupt the presentation and accuses Older Peter of failing to notify them of the spiraling costs of this procedure. He calls for a vote and The Board votes to suspend operation, for now.

Start: Older Peter paints a rosy set of projections for the Board.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter must convince Board to keep project alive.

Conflict: Older Peter vs. the Board.

Action: Board Member stands and interrupts Older Peter.

Finish: Peter loses. Board shuts down the project.

INT. HIGH-TECH AUDITORIUM – TWO DAYS LATER

Older Peter holds a slick product launch press conference to introduce the consciousness transfer procedure. He introduces his fellow test subjects, and mentions that Older Diana came up with the breakthrough theory that makes the whole thing possible. The auditorium is full and mesmerized.

Afterwards, journalists shout out questions. One asks Older Diana how she came up with her breakthrough. She deflects, saying it was over 40 years ago. Two hours later, Older Peter learns that the company’s stock price is rising. The Chairman of the Board calls to say the project is back on.

Start: Older Peter pitches the consciousness transfer procedure and its benefits.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter has to keep his project alive.

Conflict: Older Peter vs. The Board.

Action: Older Peter on stage, captivating the crowd (like Steve Jobs).

Finish: The stock price goes up. The Board allows him to proceed.

Act Two

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – OBSERVATION GALLERY – DAY

The test subjects now have time to settle their affairs before the scheduled procedure. Especially with their families. Older Diana has no living relatives to deal with. Older Peter broke up with his last girlfriend. Older Diana asks him about his daughter.

Older Peter hasn’t seen his estranged daughter in 25 years. Older Diana encourages him to contact her, but he’s afraid of a face-to-face rejection.

Start: Older Diana and Older Peter watch the activity below.

Challenging Situation: Older Peter has an estranged daughter.

Conflict: Older Peter’s internal conflict about contacting his daughter.

Action: Scientists and techs working on equipment down below in lab.

Finish: Older Peter decides not to contact his daughter.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter tells Lily that Older Diana is now a new member of the scientific team. Lily comments that she thought she was in charge of selecting the team. She also notes, in a catty manner, that Older Diana’s been out of the loop for 10 years, a lifetime in science.

Older Diana coldly replies that’s she’s kept up to speed during her retirement. There’s no love lost between these two women.

Start: Older Diana introduced as new member of project team.

Challenging Situation: Older Diana has to fit in where she’s not wanted.

Conflict: Older Diana vs. Lily.

Action: Lily is working and doesn’t respond right away.

Finish: The two women are competitive and frosty with each other.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Older Mark eats dinner with his wife Sylvia (74) whom he married for political reasons. They’ve had a long, loveless marriage which he has strayed from, regularly. They are cordial with each other, but their body language betrays their anger.

Older Mark wants a divorce. Sylvia threatens to air all their dirty laundry to sabotage his re-election bid. He’ll just have to stick to mistresses.

Start: Older Mark and wife eating dinner.

Challenging Situation: He wants a divorce to start over.

Conflict: He wants a divorce and she doesn’t.

Action: Their body language betrays their cordial demeanor.

Finish: Wife threatens to reveal scandalous secrets if they divorce.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – DAY

Older Suzanne has come to see Adam to tell him the news. She tries to make her son see that she deserves a do-over in life. The way his father died, the way she was never there for him or his sisters—she has so many regrets.

All Adam cares about is her resigning from her Emeritus post at the company and never again pursue a role there. And he wants it in writing. Disappointed, she leaves without signing the contract he’d already drawn up.

Start: Older Suzanne explains she wants a do-over on her personal life.

Challenging Situation: She wants to reassure him she won’t compete with him in the business.

Conflict: Older Suzanne vs. her son.

Action: Her son has a contract ready for her to sign.

Finish: Suzanne refuses to sign and leaves.

INT. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT OFFICE – DAY

Older Mark visits his beloved daughter Sarah (46), a Congresswoman. They have always been close and she’s followed in his footsteps. When he explains he’s going to become young again to compete for his Senate seat, she accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

Start: Older Mark visits his beloved Congresswoman daughter.

Challenging Situation: He wants her approval for his choice to undergo the procedure.

Conflict: Daughter doesn’t want him to run for Senate. It’s her turn.

Action: Congressional office activity, Daughter interrupted a lot.

Finish: Daughter thinks he’s robbing her of her political legacy.

INT. TEST SUBJECT PREP ROOM – NIGHT

The four test subjects are preparing for the procedure by having their heads shaved so the electrodes can be placed. To cover up the distinct possibility that they will die, all four keep the mood light. They talk about the first thing they’ll do in their rejuvenated bodies.

Older Diana wants to climb mountain peaks the way she did in her 30’s. Older Peter wants to do yoga and tai chi the way he used to. Older Mark wants to play basketball—it’s been 17 years. Older Suzanne wants to eat a pint of blackberry chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting.

A knock on the door: they’re ready for them.

Start: The four test subjects are in jumpsuits having their heads shaved for the procedure.

Challenging Situation: This experiment may kill them.

Conflict: Each test subject has an internal conflict: am I doing the right thing?

Action: The test subjects are having their heads shaved.

Finish: The test subjects are resolute. They’re ready.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Quick cuts of each host family’s final goodbye. The husband of Older Diana’s host refuses to let go of his wife’s hand as she’s wheeled out until Med Techs intervene. The husband of Older Mark’s host hugs the body and dissolves into tears. The parents of Older Suzanne’s host hold each other by her bedside.

In contrast, the wife of Older Peter’s host doesn’t look upset to see her husband go.

Start: The families of the hosts are all heartbroken, except for Older Peter’s wife, who looks relieved.

Challenging Situation: The families have to say goodbye forever to their loved ones.

Conflict: The families have internal conflicts over whether they’re doing the right thing.

Action: The host family’s various final goodbyes.

Finish: All the bodies on compact life support systems are taken.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT

A slightly expanded version of the Teaser. The test subjects enter and lie down on their beds. They’re given anesthesia as scientists attach electrodes. The hosts (also with heads shaved), on portable life support units, have their electrodes attached. Then an engineer connects a test subject to a host with conductive coils.

The procedure starts. Same convulsion and death. The test subjects’ monitors all flatline. But this time we go further and see the host bodies open their eyes. And monitors show that the hosts’ brain activity is normal.

Start: Techs cover the test subjects’ scalps with electrodes and doctors give them anesthesia. Connect them to electrodes on hosts’ shaved skulls.

Challenging Situation: The test subjects may die.

Conflict: All have internal conflicts over whether they’re doing the right thing.

Action: The prep, then power goes through the system and the test subjects convulse. Monitors flat line.

Finish: The hosts open their eyes and monitors show normal brain activity.

Act Three

INT. PETER’S COMPANY GYM – DAY (6 MONTHS LATER)

The test subjects are working out with trainers in their now fit host bodies. They’re pushing themselves because a photographer is there, shooting video for publicity. Lily and the Chief Doctor enter to inform them that they’ll be released in a week, and have to do follow ups every month.

Lily cautions them that their faces are as known as the influencers on social media and the reality stars on TV. They should be prepared for looks and selfie requests, or worse. A protest movement has sprung up against those who can pay millions for a literal fountain of youth.

Start: Test subjects in their host bodies are working out.

Challenging Situation: They’re about to be released into the world.

Conflict: Test subjects vs. those who disapprove of wealthy elders buying their youth for exorbitant sums.

Action: Working out. Photographer shooting video.

Finish: Lily and Chief Doctor warn them of what they’ll face when they leave the company compound.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Peter is on a video call pitching to middle-aged near-billionaires. His CFO interrupts to tell him their sales numbers are going through the roof. Peter warns his targets that they better reserve their spots soon.

Security calls: protesters are blocking the main entry gate. They send the footage to his screen. He freeze-frames the ringleader. A look of recognition crosses his face. He tells security he’ll speak with her.

Start: Peter’s selling the procedure to billionaires when security interrupts him.

Challenging Situation: Recognizes the ringleader is his estranged daughter.

Conflict: Peter vs. his estranged daughter.

Action: Security footage sent to Peter’s screen.

Finish: Peter agrees to speak with his estranged daughter.

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS – DAY

Peter heads toward a designated spot in the center of the company campus. Two security officers follow at a discreet distance. The ringleader stands and waits, flanked by a security team. No one is taking any chances. When Peter arrives, he waves away all the security. The ringleader says “Hi, Dad.” She is Emma (35), his estranged daughter.

Emma notes, ironically, that they’re the same age now. She’s come with a proposal. Her national group wants a lottery system with a low-priced ticket. Peter rejects it, contending that a lottery hurts the lower classes, who spend more of their income than they should on tickets.

Start: Peter meets with the ringleader of the protest.

Challenging Situation: The ringleader of the protest is his estranged daughter.

Conflict: Peter vs. His Estranged Daughter.

Action: Peter is flanked by security at a discreet distance.

Finish: Peter rejects his estranged daughter’s demands.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

Mark is playing one-on-one basketball against a campaign intern. A hot campaign manager, Eli (36) comes to interview. Mark has them both shoot baskets while he interviews him. Definite chemistry. And, despite his youth, Eli has a stellar record of waging successful campaigns. He’s hired.

Start: Mark playing one-on-one against campaign intern when Eli comes to interview to be his campaign manager.

Challenging Situation: Mark’s goal depends on Eli being the right guy to get him to the Senate.

Conflict: Mark and Eli are interviewing each other.

Action: Playing basketball. Shooting baskets.

Finish: Mark hires Eli.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Suzanne brings flowers to a gravesite that’s part of a wealthy family’s burial plot. She bends to trace the engraved name with her finger, then stands. She removes from her purse a photograph taken in 1971 of a young man (25) playing a guitar. The handwritten name under it is “Alan.”

As Suzanne stares at the photograph, it stirs memories…

Start: Suzanne brings flowers to a gravesite.

Challenging Situation: She’s at the grave of her first love.

Conflict: An internal conflict: should she have regrets about giving him up?

Action: Bringing flowers to gravesite and looking at photograph.

Finish: The photograph stirs her memories.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Suzanne flashes back to herself at 45, having a horrible fight with her husband, Don (40’s) over his reckless use of drugs. Don’s always wallowing in self-pity about how she outshines him everywhere they go. They throw and smash objects. She blurts out that she should have stayed with Alan.

Start: Suzanne and her husband fight about his drug use.

Challenging Situation: She’s fighting with her spouse.

Conflict: Suzanne vs. her husband.

Action: Objects are thrown and smashed.

Finish: Suzanne blurts out that she should have stayed with Alan.

INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT

Suzanne does a search and finds Alan’s obituary. He died at 73. Suzanne reads the names of the surviving family members and starts searching social media for them. Amid all the cyberstalking, she finds a grandson, Austin (30), who will be performing at a bar in Los Angeles tomorrow night.

Start: Suzanne is cyberstalking the family name from the gravesite.

Challenging Situation: Suzanne desperately wants to find a connection to her first love.

Conflict: Mildly conflicted about the cyberstalking.

Action: She is pulling up images on the computer.

Finish: She finds out where the grandson will be the next night.

INT. LOS ANGELES BAR – NEXT NIGHT

Austin, playing acoustic guitar, finishes up the last song in his set. Suzanne is at the bar, dressed in the Gen Z version of a killer outfit. As she approaches him, he recognizes her as one of the famous test subjects. She flirts with him and learns he’s in his family’s real estate business. They have chemistry.

Start: Austin finishes playing, Suzanne flirts with him.

Challenging Situation: Suzanne is trying to attract Austin.

Conflict: Suzanne’s inner conflict: is this foolish?

Action: Guitar playing.

Finish: Suzanne and Austin have chemistry.

INT. MARK’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

An attractive female polling expert tells Mark he needs to take a position on consciousness transfer—should it be left to the free market, or should it be regulated? As she talks about polling voters, she flirts with him.

For a man who was reputedly a Senate Lothario, Mark is strangely not interested. But he’s noticed through the half-glass wall of Eli’s office that his campaign manager is changing clothes. Mark is mesmerized by his body.

Start: Attractive female polling expert flirts with Mark.

Challenging Situation: Mark’s sexual orientation is changing.

Conflict: Mark’s inner conflict: is this real or am I imagining it?

Action: Eli changes clothes in his half glass-enclosed office.

Finish: Mark is attracted viscerally to Eli.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY

Diana has commandeered a team of analysts to go over test subject and host data because she wants to probe for problems before moving forward. Lily is furious because she plans on devoting all their resources to meeting Peter’s goal: performing the next set of transfer procedures in 6 months.

Diana and Lily argue over the split of resources. Ultimately, Diana gets two data scientists, while Lily takes the rest of the staff. Lily’s won this round.

Start: Lily wants to charge ahead to meet Peter’s timetable.

Challenging Situation: Diana fights for resources for her goal.

Conflict: Diana vs. Lily.

Action: Lily literally pulls Diana’s team from her.

Finish: Diana gets only two data scientists.

INT. MEDICAL LAB – DAY

Peter and Mark are hooked up to a set of monitors generating scans of their brains and their bodies. Mark tells Peter he has to take a position on consciousness transfer, and he’s leaning toward putting in guardrails. Peter’s shocked: Mark is a test subject because as a Senator he protected this tech from government interference.

But now that the tech works, Mark is worried about national security. What if bad actors emerge? Peter, deadly calm, says he might have to reconsider whom to support in the Senate race.

Start: Mark starts a discussion about guardrails on this technology.

Challenging Situation: He is challenging Peter’s goal of making money.

Conflict: Mark vs. Peter.

Action: Machines are scanning Mark and Peter.

Finish: Peter threatens Mark with withholding his support for Mark’s candidacy.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB/CORRIDOR/DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT

Diana exits the High-Tech Lab into a corridor that leads to her sleeping quarters. She sleeps at work. In bed, Diana pores over her host’s data. She also sees a bio of her host’s husband and takes note of the photo.

For an unknown reason, she feels compelled to find photos and video of this man. She scours social media, unable to stop. She reacts to the sky lightening outside her window as dawn approaches. What the fuck is she doing?

Start: Diana pores over her host’s bio and physical data

Challenging Situation: She is acting out of character, and she knows it.

Conflict: Diana’s inner conflict: why does she feel compelled to seek out images of her host’s husband?

Action: Diana is manipulating her screen, magnifying photos.

Finish: Diana stays up till dawn investigating her host’s husband.

Act Four

INT. COMPANY YOGA ROOM – EARLY MORNING.

Peter is alone, doing a series of yoga poses. Diana, having been up all night, knows she can find him here at 6 am. She enters, starts doing yoga poses, too. In an off-hand way, she mentions that the protests seem to be growing in size and frequency.

She suggests that it might be good publicity to visit the host families and then have them confirm that they are happy with the outcome.

Start: Diana finds Peter doing yoga poses.

Challenging Situation: Convincing Peter to follow her suggestion.

Conflict: Diana vs. Peter.

Action: Peter and Diana do yoga.

Finish: Diana proposes visiting the host families.

INT. JOSH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Upon meeting Josh (35), her host’s husband, Diana feels compelled to throw her arms around him, but he beats her to it. She hugs back. Josh is emotional seeing “his wife” living and breathing again. She was his soulmate and today he feels like she’s somehow found her way back to him.

Diana asks if he’s still okay with his decision. Josh nods, then asks why she wanted to be young again. Feeling (strangely) comfortable in his presence, she confesses that her mother had Alzheimer’s and it was in her genes and she couldn’t live like that. Did she leave someone special behind? No, Diana never found love, but she was fine with that.

Start: Diana meets Josh, her host’s husband.

Challenging Situation: Handling Josh’s emotions because she looks exactly like his late wife.

Conflict: Diana’s inner conflict: feels compelled to be with Josh but doesn’t want to hurt him.

Action: Josh hugs her and she responds.

Finish: Diana confesses things to Josh she never tells anyone.

INT. THEO’S SUBURBAN HOUSE – DAY

Mark is reminded that his host was gay when he meets his husband Theo (40). Theo has no real regrets because the $20 million enabled him to buy this house and devote all his time to raising his 7-year-old daughter, Lucy. But he doesn’t want his daughter confused, so he sent her on a playdate.

Unfortunately, the friend’s mother returns Lucy, who goes running into Mark’s arms shouting “Daddy.” Mark replies that he just looks like him. Lucy asks what his favorite ice cream flavor is. When Mark responds with the wrong flavor, Lucy starts to cry. He’s not her Daddy. Mark feels terrible.

Start: Mark meets his host’s husband and daughter.

Challenging Situation: Mark doesn’t want to amplify their grief.

Conflict: Mark’s internal conflict: should he have agreed to the visit?

Action: His host’s daughter runs into his arms.

Finish: The daughter realizes Mark is not her dad and runs off crying. Mark feels terrible.

INT. MANSION – DAY

The mansion recently purchased by Suzanne’s host’s parents is decorated in a flashy, over the top style. When Suzanne meets Patti and Chris (both early 60’s), they’re overcome with excitement about a celebrity cosmetics tycoon in the family. They hope they can spend some time with her. Maybe some free samples from her company, too?

Suzanne hides her distaste as she asks if they regret the choice they made. Are you kidding—it paid for this house and everything in it. They hate to say it, but their daughter left for good after college, and it was a relief because she was obsessive and vindictive. They didn’t see her until after the accident.

Start: Suzanne meets her host’s parents (she was single).

Challenging Situation: Suzanne has to keep them from absorbing her into their life.

Conflict: Suzanne’s inner conflict: she wants nothing to do with these people, but doesn’t want to be harsh.

Action: A gaudily decorated mansion reveals character.

Finish: Suzanne learns her host’s parents were effectively estranged from their daughter.

INT. ANNA’S APARTMENT – DAY

Peter meets his host’s wife, Anna (33). His host physically abused her, but the wounds have long ago healed. All Peter picks up is her nervous disposition. After asking if she has any regrets, she answers that her husband wasn’t supposed to return.

Peter is confused for a beat, then realizes that she’s convinced that he’s her late husband. He tries to dissuade her, but when he moves closer, she turns and grabs a hidden gun. Pointing it at him, she says she won’t let him hurt another woman. Instinctively, Peter grabs the gun and disarms her. He nearly pistol-whips her, but stops himself.

Start: Peter meets his host’s abused wife.

Challenging Situation: His host’s wife thinks Peter is really her husband, and will hurt her.

Conflict: Peter vs. his host’s wife.

Action: She pulls a gun on him and he instinctively disarms her.

Finish: Peter is full of rage and nearly pistol-whips his host’s wife.

INT. DINER – NIGHT

An upset Peter prefers to be here to talk to Diana. After hearing his story, she strongly suspects his rage came from how his host body is wired. She believes the same is true of her attraction to Josh. They have to fix this defect before they try the procedure again. Diana advocates for transparency to avoid scandal if the protesters find out. Peter disagrees, fearing his clients will pull out and his company will go bankrupt.

Both Diana and Peter know how to push each other’s buttons, hinting at a previous relationship. At one point, an enraged Peter slams his drinking glass so forcefully on to the table that it cracks. Finally, he threatens to reveal a secret that will ruin Diana’s scientific reputation.

Start: Peter asks Diana to diagnose his uncharacteristic rage.

Challenging Situation: Diana has to convince a volatile boss to go against his self-interest.

Conflict: Diana vs. Peter.

Action: Peter bangs his drinking glass on the table so forcefully, it cracks.

Finish: Peter wins. Diana will stay quiet.

INT. DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT

Still shaken by her encounter with Peter, Diana is on her bed, arms around her knees—a position that denotes vulnerability. Diana asks her AI assistant for information on Dr. Arjun Chakrabarti. Is he connected to the secret Peter alluded to? She’s informed Chakrabarti died in NY on 9/11.

Start: Diana asks about a Dr. Chakrabarti’s whereabouts.

Challenging Situation: Diana is trying to find the scientist she stole the breakthrough theory from 40 years ago.

Conflict: Diana vs. Peter over her vulnerability to his threat.

Action: Diana is on her bed, arms around her knees, in a position that denotes vulnerability.

Finish: Diana is informed Dr. Chakrabarti died in the 9/11 attack.

Act Five

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

After the altercation in the diner, Diana is keeping her distance from Peter. He insists on keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark, so they can’t accidentally reveal the side-effects to outsiders.

The first step in counteracting the mysterious influences on their emotions is to find out everything they can about the hosts. Peter admits he farmed out procurement to a firm that investigates potential hires.

Start: Peter and Diana strategizing about what to do next.

Challenging Situation: They need to find a way to counteract the influences of their hosts on their emotions.

Conflict: Peter and Diana jockey for control on next steps.

Action: Diana keeps her distance from Peter.

Finish: They decide to visit the firm that vetted the hosts.

EXT. 40-FOOT YACHT – DAY

Suzanne treats Austin to a ride on a friend’s yacht. As they knife through the water, Suzanne goes up to the captain and takes over the helm. Austin is impressed. Then she lets him steer the boat. Suddenly, she gets an alert about her company; she hasn’t let that go yet. It turns out her son Adam is expanding the business into fashion.

Austin reminds her that she wants to let go of her work side. Diana takes this opportunity to give him a special gift: a vintage acoustic guitar that belonged to James Taylor, Austin’s favorite musician because his grandfather used to play the records. He gives her a passionate kiss.

Start: A yacht with Suzanne and Austin aboard knifes through the water.

Challenging Situation: Suzanne is making herself vulnerable to rejection.

Conflict: Suzanne’s inner conflict: her drive for business vs. her burgeoning relationship with Austin.

Action: Suzanne takes the helm, impresses Austin. Then she gives him the helm of the yacht.

Finish: She gives him a rare guitar and he kisses her passionately.

EXT./INT. VETTING COMPANY – DAY

As Diana and Peter exit from a car, Diana reports to Peter that the host records had no reference to anyone having violent tendencies.

When Diana and Peter first meet the CEO, he’s defensive: he put his best teams on their project. Eventually, the CEO gleans from his files that the selected hosts were all vetted by a married couple. They happened to die in a car accident, sometime between the press conference and the transfer.

Start: Diana and Peter question the vetting company.

Challenging Situation: Diana and Peter need to find the truth with little to go on.

Conflict: Diana and Peter vs. defensive vetting company CEO.

Action: Arriving by chauffeured towncar. Contrast Diana and Peter casual Silicon Valley attire with button-down corporate attire.

Finish: They learn the investigators died in a car accident.

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

Mark and Eli are the only ones there, working late. Eli informs Mark that the polling data he asked for, about how people in his state feel about gay and lesbian issues, should arrive in a few days. Eli guesses correctly that the question is a proxy for how people feel about gay politicians.

Then Eli makes a pass at Mark, who responds, despite the fact that an affair with a subordinate would be a career-ender. The two of then end up on the couch in Mark’s office. Mark swears Eli to secrecy, but can he trust him?

Start: Mark and Eli are alone, working late.

Challenging Situation: Eli is clearly interested in Mark, but the consequences are career-ending if they’re found out.

Conflict: Mark’s inner conflict: should he have an affair with someone who works for him, which will be the real career-ender.

Action: Eli kisses Mark and he responds. They make out on the couch in Mark’s office.

Finish: Mark swears Eli to secrecy. Can he trust him?

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Peter and Diana have done their own research and are going over what they’ve discovered. While the married investigators were vetting the hosts, they put a down payment on a new house, bought expensive E-Cars, and opened a Swiss Bank account.

On a video call, they try to pry account information from an officious Swiss banker, but no dice. Still, they’ve made progress. But they still have no clue who paid them to falsify their vetting results and then had them killed.

Start: Diana and Peter find new clues.

Challenging Situation: The puzzle of who is behind procuring the hosts for this experiment, and what that means.

Conflict: Diana and Peter vs. an unknown entity.

Action: Video call with Swiss banker, notoriously circumspect.

Finish: Diana and Peter have made some progress.

INT. UNDERGROUND BUNKER – DAY

The entire bunker is set up as a high-tech lab, with scientists all over. The head scientist is in the middle of briefing General Barnes (60’s) on their progress. They can’t make the leap to imitate Peter’s company until they know more about what they’ve done.

They’re interrupted by a call for Barnes: his guest is waiting in his office.

Start: General Barnes surveys the high-tech lab.

Challenging Situation: Barnes has to oversee a covert operation.

Conflict: Barnes vs. Peter (although he doesn’t know it).

Action: Scientists at work in high-tech lab.

Finish: Barnes gets a call that his guest has arrived.

INT. GENERAL BARNES PENTAGON OFFICE – DAY

Mark is there and his expression is grim. He asks if Barnes is willing to help persuade the administration to endorse him for the Senate. The General doesn’t think that will be a problem.

Mark says okay, he’ll do it. Barnes assures him that as a mole he’ll be doing the right thing: protecting national security.

Start: Mark is in the office waiting for Barnes.

Challenging Situation: Mark is betraying Peter.

Conflict: Mark’s inner conflict: does he stay loyal to Peter or his country.

Action: Mark is visibly hesitant about what he’s about to do.

Finish: Barnes assures Mark that he’s making the right choice.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Beat Sheet

I learned that the process of putting together a beat sheet got my creative juices flowing.

Show Concept: A scientist, a dying tech mogul, an ex-Senator and a marginalized cosmetics tycoon transfer their minds to young, brain-dead bodies, but their regained youth may not be worth the price.

Inciting Incident: Four wealthy, elderly individuals have transferred their minds to young, brain-dead bodies in an experimental procedure. They jump into their second chances, but nothing goes as planned.

A Story: The transfer procedure

B Story: Mark’s personal story

C Story: Suzanne’s personal story

Teaser

INT HIGH-TECH LAB – NIGHT

Four elderly individuals are paired with four brain-dead 30 somethings on life support. As the procedure starts, the elderly convulse and die.

Act One

INT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY – DAY (3 MONTHS EARLIER)

Older Diana (75) receives Older Peter (68), who needs a patent from her to perform the procedure. She blackmails him into accepting her as a test subject.

EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY

Older Mark (81) golfs with the head of the Independent Party, who says they won’t back Older Mark’s bid to regain his Senate seat because he’s too old.

INT. VOGUE MAGAZINE OFFICES – DAY

Older Suzanne (87) is approving the placement for her cosmetics ads. Her son Adam (59) bursts in to announce she has no authority anymore. Suzanne is humiliated.

INT. OLDER PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Older Peter tells his CFO to put down the $20 million to be paid to Diana’s host family as a legal expense. Alone, he calls about selling or mortgaging his properties.

INT. DINER – DAY

Older Peter meets with his doctor where he won’t be seen. He’s dying of cancer. Too late for treatment. Doctor brings him oxycontin for the pain.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter reviews test results that aren’t stellar. Cleverly asks a lower-level tech to run a hypothetical good scenario and send it straight to him.

INT. BOARDROOM – DAY

A Board Member accuses Older Peter of failing to notify them of the spiraling cost of the R&D for this procedure. The Board is about to pull the plug to avoid bankruptcy.

INT. HI-TECH AUDITORIUM – DAY

Older Peter holds a product launch press conference for the procedure that sends up the stock price. Now the Board has to let him proceed.

Act Two

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – GALLERY CATWALK – DAY

Older Diana has no family to see before the procedure. Older Peter hasn’t seen his estranged daughter in 25 years, and has no plans to contact her now.

INT. HIGH-TECH LAB – DAY

Older Peter introduces Older Diana to Head Scientist Lily (50s) as a new member of the scientific team. Frosty between the two women.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Older Mark eats dinner with his wife (74) whom he married for political reasons. He wants a divorce. She’ll air all the dirty laundry. He’ll just have to stick to mistresses.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – DAY

Older Suzanne tries to convince her son that she wants a do-over on her personal life and has no interest in pursuing a role with the company. Her son wants it in writing.

INT. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT OFFICE – DAY

Older Mark visits beloved Congresswoman Daughter (46) to explain what he’s going to do. She accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT

The four test subjects are preparing for the procedure by having their heads shaved. Gallows humor.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Quick cuts of each host family saying a final goodbye to their loved one. The wife of Peter’s host doesn’t look upset to see her husband go.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – NIGHT

The run up to the Teaser: the test subjects are wired to hosts. Procedure starts. Same convulsion and death. But this time we go further and see the host bodies open their eyes.

Act Three

INT. PETER’S COMPANY GYM – DAY (6 MONTHS LATER)

Test Subjects are working out with trainers in their now fit host bodies. A photographer shoots video for publicity. Lily and Chief Doctor inform them they’ll be released.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Peter’s on video call selling middle-aged billionaires. Security calls: protesters are blocking the main gate. Peter reacts to footage: he’ll speak to the ringleader.

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS – DAY

Peter meets with the protest leader, who is his estranged daughter. She notes they’re basically the same age now. Her demand? A lottery system.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

Mark playing one-on-one against a campaign intern. A hot campaign manager, Eli (36) comes to interview. He shoots baskets with Mark during talk and gets the job.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

Suzanne brings flowers to a gravesite at a wealthy family’s burial plot. She takes out a photograph taken in the early 1970’s of a young man (25) playing a guitar.

INT. LAVISH TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Suzanne flashes back to glimpses of a horrible fight with her husband—she should have stayed with her first love.

INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT

Suzanne is cyberstalking this family. An obituary for the same man, aged 70 (we can see resemblance). Searches social media and finds the grandson, Austin.

INT. GUITAR SHOP WITH STAGE – NIGHT

Austin’s turn to play. Suzanne in audience. She flirts with him after. He confesses it’s just a hobby. He’s in his family’s real estate business.

INT. MARK’S CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

Attractive female polling expert tells Mark he needs a position on consciousness transfer. Flirts. Mark’s not interested. Eli changes in office to go out. Mark is mesmerized by his body.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Lily wants to move forward to satisfy Peter’s timetable of new transfers in 6 months. Diana wants to go over past data, especially on the hosts. Argue over split of resources.

INT. OFFICE CORRIDOR/DIANA’S ROOM – NIGHT

Diana in bed, pores over her host’s physical data. Sees bio, notes photo of her husband. Scours social media for more. It’s his image that she can’t stop searching for. Till dawn.

INT. HI-TECH LAB – DAY

Mark tells Peter he’s leaning toward regulation. Mark is worried about national security. Peter, deadly calm, says he might have to reconsider whom to support in the Senate race.

Act Four

INT. COMPANY YOGA ROOM – DAY

Diana finds Peter finishing up a series of yoga poses. Suggests that with all the protests, it might be good publicity to visit the host families.

INT. JOSH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Upon meeting Josh (35), her host’s husband, Diana knows what to do to convince him that despite the impending divorce, his wife still loved him.

INT. THEO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Mark realizes his host was gay when he meets the husband Theo (40). His heart goes out to the 7-year-old daughter, thinking of his own daughter.

INT. MODEST HOUSE – DAY

Suzanne meets her host’s parentswho are thrilled to have a celebrity cosmetics tycoon in the family. They confess that their daughter was obsessive and manipulative.

INT. CHLOE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Peter meets his host’s abused wife, Chloe (33). She doesn’t believe that he’s not her husband. Pulls a gun. Won’t let him hurt another woman. Instinctively Peter grabs the gun from her. He nearly pistol-whips her, but stops himself.

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – DAY

Mark asks the polling expert to find out how receptive people in his state are to gay or lesbian politicians.

EXT. COMPANY CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Diana receives an urgent message from Peter to see him in his office. She asks her AI assistant for information on Dr. Arjun Chakrabarti. Informed he died in NY on 9/11.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Diana confirms that Peter’s rage came from how his host body is wired. Argue about transparency vs. hiding the truth. They both know how to push each other’s buttons. Peter pushes her against a wall and threatens to release a secret that will ruin her reputation.

Act Five

INT. DINER – DAY

Peter insists on keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark. Diana needs everything on the host bodies. Peter admits he farmed out procurement to a firm that investigates potential hires.

INT. HOTEL SUITE – DAY

Suzanne finalizes a purchase, has it delivered to a marina slip.

EXT. 40-FOOT SAILBOAT – DAY

Suzanne and Austin enjoy the ride. She gets an alert that Adam is expanding into fashion. Austin reminds to let go. She gives him a vintage guitar. He gives her a passionate kiss.

EXT. CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Diana reports to Peter that the records were all clean; no mention of Peter’s host’s violent tendencies.

INT. VETTING COMPANY – DAY

The four hosts selected were all vetted by a married couple killed in a car accident, sometime between the press conference and the consciousness transfer.

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT

Working late in otherwise empty office, Mark succumbs to Eli’s advances.They end up on the couch in Mark’s office. Mark swears Eli to secrecy.

INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

While the investigators were vetting the hosts, they put a down payment on a new house and both bought top of the line E-Cars. Who paid them and then had them killed?

INT. UNDERGROUND BUNKER – DAY

Set up as a hi-tech lab. Scientists at work. General Barnes (60’s) surveys the scene as he gets a call from his office that his guest is waiting in his office.

INT. GENERAL BARNES PENTAGON OFFICE – DAY

Mark is there. Asks if Barnes is willing to help persuade the administration to endorse him for the Senate. Barnes assures Mark that as a mole he’ll be protecting national security.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Setting Up the Future

I learned from this assignment that I had more possible reveals than I thought I did.

Future Reveal 1: · Diana’s secret is that she stole the breakthrough theory for consciousness transfer from another scientist.

Set Up 1: During press conference, reporter asks Diana how she came up with her breakthrough theory on consciousness transfer? She deflects: just one of those Eureka moments.

Future Reveal 2: · Peter and Diana were lovers in the 90’s when Peter was married.

Set Up 2: During their fight, Diana and Peter’s passion and understanding of how to push each other’s buttons indicates a past relationship.

Future Reveal 3: · Mark’s daughter is planning to run against him for the Senate seat.

Set Up 3: Older Mark’s daughter accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

Future Reveal 4: · Diana discovers that Mark is the mole, but joins him to ferret out the Pentagon’s true intentions.

Set Up 4: Mark uses his sexual orientation side-effect to make Diana brief him on everything she knows, in exchange for his silence.

Future Reveal 5: · Suzanne can’t resist saving the cosmetics empire she built from her son and enlists talented managers for an employee-based takeover.

Set Up 5: Suzanne learns her son is making bad decisions about her company, which rankles despite her resolve to stay away

Future Reveal 6: Suzanne let her husband die of a drug overdose when she could have saved him.

Set Up 6: Suzanne reacts badly to her lover’s drug use and admits her late husband died of a drug overdose.

Future Reveal 7: · Diana and her host’s husband end up in a romantic relationship.

Set Up 7: Upon meeting her host’s husband, Diana knows what to do to convince him that despite the impending divorce, his wife still loved him.

Future Reveal 8: The scientist who came up with the breakthrough theory for the consciousness transfer process is not dead.

Set Up 8: Diana has an AI assistant inform her that the scientist she was looking for killed himself 30 years ago.

Future Reveal 9: Peter can no longer control his violent impulses and he hides away in his mountain retreat, communicating remotely

Set Up 9: Peter nearly pistol-whips his host’s wife, but stops just in time.

Future Reveal 10: · The hosts came from a failed Pentagon experiment.

Set Up 10: Peter cut corners, and when they find the vetting company, it’s been cleared out.

Future Reveal 11: The Pentagon wants to transfer the consciousnesses of veteran soldiers into the living bodies of soldiers in their physical prime. They will need living donors whose consciousnesses will be destroyed.

Set Up 11: We see General Barnes at a Pentagon lab. They’re monitoring Peter’s lab and the test subjects.

Future Reveal 12: · Mark becomes a whistleblower when he learns of the Pentagon’s true intentions.

Set Up 12: Unlike Peter, Mark believes this procedure should be regulated, in the interests of national security.

Big Picture Setups:

· The prices that Diana, Peter, Mark and Suzanne pay for their new youthful bodies—emotional, physical, moral.

· Who is really in control of this project?

· What does the public know and how do they react to the rich and elderly paying for a second lease on life?

· What new relationships do Diana, Peter, Mark and Suzanne forge?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Adds Empathy/Distress!

I learned from this assignment that I had the makings of a lot of empathy/distress in my outline but I needed to make them more powerful. AI gave some good suggestions.

Act 1

Goal at Significant Risk: Older Peter needs Older Diana’s patent to complete his life’s work. Older Mark’s Senate run is rejected by his Party because he’s too old.

Undeserved Misfortune: Older Diana was forced to retire from her life’s work 10 years ago. Older Peter is dying of cancer. Older Suzanne is humiliated when her son removes her from her work duties.

Forced to Make a Decision: Older Peter manipulates test results because he’s dying of cancer and the Board is standing in the way of performing his procedure.

Plan Failed: The Board pulls the plug on the experiment and Older Peter’s life is at stake.

Must Make Decisions with Future Consequences: Older Peter defies the Board, holds a press conference that forces their hand: the experiment is back on.

Act 2

Emotional Dilemma: Older Mark is caught between hurting his wife and starting a new life. Older Mark is caught between hurting his beloved daughter and pursuing his goal.

Hurt Those They Love: Older Suzanne’s conflict with her son reveals she hurt him deeply growing up. Older Peter hurt his estranged daughter by abandoning her when she was young.

Crucible: the four test subjects undergo the consciousness transfer procedure… and its successful.

Act 3

Witness the pain of others: All four affected by a protest against rich, elderly people buying their youth.

Emotional Dilemma: Peter is caught between achieving his goal and losing any chance to reconcile with his daughter. Mark is caught between breaking with Peter over government oversight of the procedure technology or having Peter retaliate by undermining his candidacy (goal). Suzanne is caught between saving the company she built or hurting her son.

Undeserved misfortune: Mark is now attracted to men, which he didn’t choose (it’s his host body), and it could affect his political goals. Suzanne is stalking and manipulating her targeted lover, but it’s not her behavior (it’s her host body). Suzanne had a terrible marriage with her overshadowed, drug addicted husband.

External Character Conflict: the fight between Mark and Peter over government oversight of the procedure technology.

Plan Failed: Diana suspects the procedure isn’t successful–it has side-effects.

Act 4

Goal at Significant Risk: Suzanne is starting over with a new lover who may be a drug addict like her late husband.

Witnessing the Pain of Others: Diana witnesses the pain of regret in her host’s husband. Mark witnesses the pain of loss in his host’s husband. Suzanne witnesses the pain of guilt in her host’s parents.

Crucible: The wife of Peter’s host believes Peter is still her abusive husband, and tries to kill him, and Peter saves himself with skills that aren’t his (they’re his host’s).

Brings the Wound Present: Diana competes with head scientist instead of befriending her because, growing up, her mother was jealous of her opportunities and competitive with her.

Emotional Dilemma. Diana is caught between doing what she thinks is right for the project and following Peter’s lead and keep silent about the side-effects. Peter is caught between following Diana and announcing the side effects and his company going bankrupt, proving his father’s belief that he’s inadequate.

Plot Intruding on Life: Peter can’t raise more funds from Suzanne’s company since she’s not in charge anymore.

Need at Significant Risk: To keep her quiet about the side-effects, Peter threatens Diana with revealing a secret that will ruin her scientific reputation.

More Physically Threatening: Peter also threatens Diana physically, but doesn’t follow through with hitting her.

Goal at Significant Risk: Peter will lose his company if he lets Diana inform the public about the side-effects.

Act 5

Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Mark’s campaign manager has feelings for him and Mark succumbs to his advances. Mark is risking his goal by sleeping with a staffer. Suzanne risks her goal of starting over in her personal life if she’s wrong about her lover.

Emotional Dilemma: Mark threatens to publicize the side-effects if Diana doesn’t brief him on the project. Diana is caught between educating Mark when she’s unsure of his motives and Peter revealing her secret if word of the side-effects gets out.

Betrayal: When Peter and Diana find the vetting company was a front and has disappeared, they and Mark and Suzanne have been betrayed.

Forced Decision: Mark is the mole working for the Pentagon because he believes it’s the only to keep the transfer technology from commercialization or bad actors.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Stacks Intrigue

I learned from this assignment that my characters have more layers once I brainstorm and ask AI for intrigue suggestions.

Act One

Intrigue: Secret: Diana alludes to what Peter knows, but he can’t ruin her reputation anymore because she’s too old and out of the loop anyway.

Intrigue: Mystery: Why is Peter exploring mortgaging his primary residence and other homes?

Intrigue: Secret Identity: Peter’s private physician meets him at the office to give him oxycontin for the pain (he’s dying of cancer).

Intrigue: Strange Behavior: Peter tells his CFO to put down the $20 million for Diana’s contribution (to the host family) as a legal expense.

Intrigue: Deception: Peter manipulates the findings of the latest test results to put them in a more favorable light.

Intrigue: Accusation: A Board Member accuses Peter of failing to notify them of the spiraling cost of the R&D for this procedure.

Turning Point: Older Peter defies the Board by holding a press conference announcing the consciousness transfer procedure. Now they have to proceed.

Act Two

Intrigue: Mystery: Why does Diana have no family?

Intrigue: Secret Identity: In trying to get a divorce from his wife, Mark exposes their loveless marriage of political convenience.

Intrigue: Wound: Suzanne tries to convince her son that she wants a do-over on her personal life and has no interest in pursuing a role with the company.

Intrigue: Hidden Layer: Peter has an estranged daughter.

Intrigue: Accusation: Mark’s daughter accuses him of robbing her of the family political legacy. He should just stand aside.

Turning Point: The procedure worked as the brain functions of the 4 brain-dead young bodies come alive and open their eyes.

Act Three

Intrigue: Intriguing World: A protest movement starts against the wealthy elders who are buying immortality.

Intrigue: Secret Identity: Mark is attracted to his male campaign manager, but not to a flirtatious female polling expert.

Intrigue: Strange Behavior: Suzanne, who’s always been direct and confident, stalks the grandson of her first love and deceptively engages with him.

Intrigue: Strange Behavior: Diana feels overwhelmingly drawn to her host’s husband and has to meet him.

Turning Point: Diana suspects that host bodies are still wired for instinctual responses that could affect the test subjects’ emotional states.

Act Four

Intrigue: Intriguing World: Mark has the female pollster who was hitting on him conduct a poll of how being gay would affect his electoral chances.

Intrigue: Secret: Diana has an AI assistant inform her that the scientist she was looking for killed himself 30 years ago.

Intrigue: Secret Identity: Peter has a compulsion for violence that he’s never encountered before.

Intrigue: Wound: Diana competes with Lily instead of befriending her because growing up, her mother was jealous of her opportunities.

Intrigue: Hidden Agenda: Peter’s daughter contacts him about seeing him.

Intrigue: Mystery: Why is Peter’s daughter contacting him now?

Turning Point: Peter has experienced a side-effect, but he forces Diana to keep quiet by threatening to expose a secret that could ruin her reputation.

Act Five

Intrigue: Mystery: Where did the hosts come from?

Intrigue: Hidden Agenda: Mark uses his sexual orientation side-effect to make Diana brief him on everything she knows, in exchange for his silence.

Intrigue: Hidden Agenda: Mark befriends Lily Tileston and sympathizes with her about Diana taking over, with Peter’s tacit permission.

Intrigue: Strange Behavior: Suzanne has gone AWOL from the project because she’s so focused on her new relationship.

Turning Point: We see General Barnes at a Pentagon lab. They’re monitoring Peter’s lab and the test subjects. Mark has brought them more information. He is the mole.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Mysteries and Open Loops

I learned from this assignment that although I had added mystery through intrigue categories, I could find a lot more from scanning my current version of my outline. AI had some good suggestions, which I have yet to apply.

Main Mystery: Who are these hosts?

Sub-Mysteries:

• Why is Peter estranged from his daughter?
• Why did Diana look up that scientist?
• Why is Diana terrified of Alzheimer’s?
• Why did Suzanne’s husband really die?
• Why is Peter’s daughter heading the protest movement?

Main Open Loop: Who is really in control of this experiment?

Sub-Open Loops:

• Will the procedure succeed?
• What else is going to go wrong with these host bodies?
• Will Suzanne try to reclaim her company?
• Will Peter reconcile with his estranged daughter?
• Will Diana and her host’s husband start a relationship?
• Will the Pentagon take over the project?
• Will Mark be found out as the mole?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Character Storylines

What I learned from this assignment is that with a 5 act structure and character storylines I did on my own, Chat GPT came up with a lot of good suggestions. Finally.

Diana Jordan

Beginning: Older Diana, terrified of developing Alzheimer’s like her mother, blackmails Older Peter into joining his experiment as a test subject.

Turning Point 1: Older Diana transfers her consciousness into a young, brain-dead host and the procedure seems to have worked perfectly.

Midpoint: In the lab doing her own research, Diana discovers that their host bodies are still wired for instinctual responses that could affect their emotional states.

Turning Point 2: Diana feels a strong pull toward the husband of her host body, confirming her suspicion of side-effects.

Dilemma: Diana must decide whether to release the news of these side-effects or hide them from the public.

Major Conflict: Peter threatens Diana with a secret from her past that could ruin her reputation to keep her quiet about the side-effects.

Ending: Trying to learn more about the origin of the hosts, Diana runs into a dead end.

Peter Chin

Beginning: Older Peter, dying of cancer, is desperate to start his experimental procedure.

Turning Point 1: Older Peter transfers his consciousness into a young, brain-dead host and the procedure seems to have worked perfectly.

Midpoint: Peter learns about the side effects that could jeopardize his insistence on the procedure’s success.

Dilemma: Does Peter announce the side-effects of the experiment and risk sending his company into bankruptcy?

Major Conflict: Diana thinks transparency would be a good idea and allow time to fix the procedure while Peter fears a failure that would confirm his father was right about him.

Turning Point 2: Peter discovers he has combat skills and a violent streak when he stops his host’s wife from shooting him.

Ending: Peter realizes that cutting corners on the procedure led to this

mystery of the origin of the hosts.

Mark Ashburn

Beginning: Older Mark is desperate to reclaim the Senate seat he is too old for.

Turning Point 1: Older Mark transfers his consciousness into a young, brain-dead host and the procedure seems to have worked perfectly.

Midpoint: Mark is attracted to his male campaign manager, but not to a flirtatious female polling expert.

Dilemma: For political gain, should Mark take a stand against Peter for selling the procedure to anyone who can pay?

Major Conflict: Unlike Peter, Mark believes this procedure should be regulated, in the interests of national security.

Turning Point 2: Mark discovers that his host was gay.

Ending: Mark is the mole feeding information about the experiment to the Pentagon.

Suzanne Farrell

Beginning: Older Suzanne is desperate for a second chance at life.

Turning Point 1: Older Suzanne transfers her consciousness into a young, brain-dead host and the procedure seems to have worked perfectly.

Midpoint: Suzanne finds the grandson of her first love.

Turning Point 2: Suzanne learns her son is making bad decisions about her company, which rankles despite her resolve to stay away.

Dilemma: Does she pick personal life over work this time around?

Major Conflict: Suzanne is at odds with her son over who should be in charge of the company.

Ending: Suzanne ignores the company while she dives head first into a relationship with the grandson of her first love.

Outline-First Version

Teaser:

Essence: (D opening, P opening) Older Peter needs a patent from Older Diana to go forward with his consciousness transfer procedure. He’s desperate because he’s dying of cancer.

Turning Point: Older Diana blackmails Older Peter into letting her be a test subject. We don’t know for what, yet.

Act One:

Essence: (M opening) Older Mark’s Senate run is rejected by his party. (S opening) Older Suzanne is humiliated as her son relieves her of her duties. Older Diana gets no respect from Older Peter’s scientists. Older Peter convinces the Board this procedure will work and not lead to bankruptcy.

Turning Point: Peter reveals that the procedure will transfer the minds of the test subjects into brain-dead bodies that will be reactivated by the transfer.

Act Two:

Essence: Older Diana has no siblings or children, but Older Peter, Mark and Suzanne face blowback from their families. We see the host families each receive $10 million. (D, P, M, S TP 1) The four test subjects undergo the procedure.

Turning Point: The procedure worked as the brain functions of the 4 brain-dead young bodies come alive and the test subjects open their eyes.

Act Three:

Essence: Six months later, the test subjects are ready to enter the wider world. Peter conducts a press conference heralding the success and signs up new prospects. Mark starts his campaign. Suzanne searches for the grandson of her first love.

(M Midpoint) Mark is attracted to his male campaign manager, but not to a flirtatious female polling expert.

(S Midpoint) Suzanne finds the grandson of her first love.

(M Dilemma) For political gain, should Mark take a stand against Peter for selling the procedure to anyone who can pay?

(M Major Conflict) Unlike Peter, Mark believes this procedure should be regulated, in the interests of national security.

(S TP2) Suzanne learns her son is making bad decisions about her company, which rankles despite her resolve to stay away.

Turning Point: (D Midpoint) Diana discovers that their host bodies are still wired for instinctual responses that could affect their emotional states.

Act Four:

Essence: (D Dilemma) Diana must decide whether to release the news of these side-effects or hide them from the public.

(S Dilemma) Does she pick personal life over work this time around?

(P Midpoint) Diana tells Peter about the side-effects.

(P Dilemma) Does Peter announce the side-effects of the experiment and risk sending his company into bankruptcy?

(P Major Conflict) Diana thinks transparency would be a good idea and allow time to fix the procedure while Peter fears a failure that would confirm his father was right about him.

(D Major Conflict) Peter threatens Diana with a secret from her past that could ruin her reputation to keep her quiet about the side-effects. Peter persuades Diana to keep quiet.

On a publicity stunt to visit with the host families, (D TP 2) Diana feels strangely drawn to her host’s husband. (M TP2) Mark finds out his host was gay. The parents of Suzanne’s host want to be a part of her life. Peter meets his host’s wife, who was physically abused.

Turning Point: (P TP2) The wife believes Peter is still her husband. She pulls a gun and Peter instinctively knows how to grab it. He nearly pistol-whips her with it, but stops just in time. Peter’s confused at his reaction.

Act Five:

Essence: Both Peter and Diana want to know more about where the hosts came from. They’re keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark for now.

(S Ending) Suzanne ignores the company while she dives head first into a relationship with the grandson of her first love.

(P Ending) Peter cut corners, and when they find the company, it’s been cleared out.

(D Ending) Where did these hosts come from?

Lock-In. We see General Barnes at a Pentagon lab. They’re monitoring Peter’s lab and the test subjects. (M Ending) Mark has brought them more information. He is a mole!

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Pilot Structure

What I learned from this assignment is that the formula what each act is about is very powerful and I need to get used to it. I also learned that ChatGPT, over the course of a few iterations, has another, perhaps more intriguing, way to go.

Teaser:

Essence: Older Peter needs a patent from Older Diana to go forward with his consciousness transfer procedure. He’s desperate because he’s dying of cancer.

Turning Point: Older Diana blackmails Older Peter into letting her be a test subject. We don’t know for what, yet.

Act One:

Essence: Older Mark’s Senate run is rejected by his party. Older Suzanne is humiliated as her son relieves her of her duties. Older Diana gets no respect from Older Peter’s scientists. Older Peter convinces the Board this procedure will work and not lead to bankruptcy.

Turning Point: Peter reveals that the procedure will transfer the minds of the test subjects into brain-dead bodies that will be reactivated by the transfer.

Act Two:

Essence: Older Diana has no siblings or children, but Older Peter, Mark and Suzanne face blowback from their families. We see the host families each receive $10 million. The four test subjects undergo the procedure.

Turning Point: The procedure worked as the brain functions of the 4 brain-dead young bodies come alive and the test subjects open their eyes.

Act Three:

Essence: Six months later, the test subjects are ready to enter the wider world. Peter conducts a press conference heralding the success and signs up new prospects. Mark starts his campaign. Suzanne searches for the grandson of her first love.

Turning Point: Diana discovers that their host bodies are still wired for instinctual responses that could affect their emotional states.

Act Four:

Essence: Peter persuades Diana to keep quiet. On a publicity stunt to visit with the host families. Diana feels strangely drawn to her host’s husband. Mark finds out his host was gay. Suzanne meets with the clinging parents of her host. Peter meets his host’s wife, who was physically abused.

Turning Point: The wife believes Peter is still her husband. She pulls a gun and Peter instinctively knows how to grab it. He nearly pistol-whips her with it, but stops just in time. Peter’s confused at his reaction.

Act Five:

Essence: Both Peter and Diana want to know more about where the hosts came from. They’re keeping Mark and Suzanne in the dark for now. Peter cut corners, and when they find the company, they find it cleared out. Where did these hosts come from?

Lock-In. We see General Barnes at a Pentagon lab. They’re monitoring Peter’s lab and the test subjects. Mark has brought them more information. He is the mole!

Interesting Chat GPT suggestions:

• Turning Point: After the successful transfer, each awakens with fragmented memories that aren’t their own, hinting at a deeper mystery within the project.

  • Turning Point (Midpoint twist): The group discovers that their new bodies were not brain-dead but were in a reversible coma, and the original consciousnesses are fighting to resurface.

    • Turning Point: The discovery of a failsafe within the project that allows for the erasure of the host’s consciousness permanently, putting the protagonists at a moral crossroads.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’s Amazing Inciting Incident

I learned from this assignment that covering up the concept until the midpoint gave me a lot to work with. The whole formula was helpful.

Inciting Incident Pilot Must Deliver: Four wealthy, elderly individuals have transferred their minds to young, brain-dead bodies in an experimental procedure. But nothing goes as planned.

Intriguing Concept: A scientist, a dying tech mogul, an ex-Senator and a marginalized cosmetics tycoon transfer their minds to young, brain-dead bodies, but their regained youth may not be worth the price.

Act One: We meet Diana, Peter, Mark and Suzanne in clinical settings we take for hospital rooms as each is taken off life support. Miraculously, each awakens! Their interactions with their families are strange.

Midpoint: These four young people haven’t miraculously recovered from being on life-support—they are the host bodies for four wealthy elderly individuals who transferred their minds to brain-dead young bodies.

Lock-In: The four start jumping into their second chances at life in the midst of a media circus and outrage that they paid a fortune for the privilege. Reveal one is a mole for the Pentagon, monitoring the project closely for their own purposes.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned from this assignment is how to get more comfortable with AI generated illustrations. I also learned to create pictures that have an emotional punch (at least I tried to).

If anyone would like to trade TV Pitch Bibles, I can be reached at pestrong21@gmail.com.

My show is a one hour sci-fi thriller entitled THE PRICE OF YOUTH.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Edited TV Pitch Bible

I learned from this assignment that I could go out of order and make the prose clear and concise over several edit sessions.

THE PRICE OF YOUTH

One hour Science Fiction Thriller

CONCEPT

Four elderly individuals transfer their minds to young, brain-dead hosts hoping to get a second chance at life, but the procedure is experimental, leading to unexpected side-effects and complications.

WORLD

The intersection of the Silicon Valley tech industry with the U.S. Government, as seen through the eyes of four eager test subjects as they discover the unexpected fallout from an experimental procedure.

SUMMARY

What if you could transfer your mind from your old, decrepit body to a young, healthy one, without harming the young host?

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana devised a theoretical procedure to transfer consciousness. But the technology came about long after she aged out of the field. Today, dying tech mogul Peter needs her patent to fire up the transfer device for its maiden voyage.

Diana’s price? Youth. She joins Peter, Ex-Senator Mark and cosmetics tycoon Suzanne as test subjects. Their minds are transferred to young brain-dead hosts. The experiment is public, with the whole world watching. And it works!

Or, did it? Peter accelerated the project to save his life. What did his team miss?

At first, the procedure is a dream come true. Diana rejoins Peter’s scientific team. Mark revives his political career. Peter plans on making a fortune. Suzanne seeks a new family she won’t forsake for work.

But side-effects emerge. The test subjects are affected by the biological wiring of their hosts. Diana’s in love with her host’s husband, Mark is now gay, Peter must control violent impulses, and Suzanne is obsessed with work and her new lover.

The side-effects make Diana wonder, where did these hosts come from? The company that vetted them has disappeared. Mark, who’s secretly colluded with the Pentagon all along, asks them. They claim ignorance. What if the hosts were procured by the daughter of the scientist that Diana wronged long ago, who’s seeking revenge? Or by another shadowy organization?

Who is really pulling the strings and what do they want out of this experiment?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Diana Sagraves

A marginalized neurobiologist, Diana blackmails her way into becoming a test subject for the consciousness transfer procedure she pioneered. She regains her youth and health in a host body, and is poised to recapture the respect of the scientific community.

Brilliant, but morally flexible, she has secrets that threaten the project and her standing: she stole the original research for the procedure, and has concealed the potential for side-effects that could derail the experiment.

Now, she’s driven to perfect the procedure, putting her at odds with ex-lover Peter, who wants to cut corners for financial gain.

Mark Ashburn

The charismatic scion of a political dynasty, Mark is determined to regain the Senate seat he lost because he was too old. Now in a young host body, he’s politically viable and offers decades of experience.

His affability and charm hide his outsized ambition, but he’ll stop at nothing to win. He meets obstacles like his vengeful ex-wife head on, but is thrown by discovering he’s attracted to men because it’s wired in his host body. Will he reveal he’s gay if he believes it will turn off a lot of voters?

Mark’s also in conflict with his fellow test subjects because he values loyalty to his country over loyalty to them. While Peter wants to commercialize the process and Diana wants to control it, Mark wants the government involved for the sake of National Security.

But is that wise?

Peter Barnett

A tech mogul who persevered despite his father’s emotional abuse, Peter’s vision has kept the project alive for decades. Diagnosed with inoperable cancer, he decides it’s time to test the procedure. But is it too soon?

After regaining his health in a young host body, he has two goals: earn a fortune from the procedure and reconnect with his estranged daughter. The first puts him in conflict with Diana, who wants transparency about the side-effects. The second is complicated by his daughter’s role leading protests against rich old people becoming young again.

Suzanne Farrell

The founder of an Estee Lauder-type cosmetics empire, Suzanne has been marginalized by her son because she’s too old to run the business. All she’s left with is a lifetime of regrets, having chosen work over family.

With her consciousness transferred to a young host body, Suzanne believes she has a second chance at life. She doesn’t care if the procedure becomes big business, or who controls the project. She wants a new family, and starts by developing a romantic relationship with the grandson of her first love.

She wants to be a new person, but she carries the same unforgiving nature and ruthlessness that made her a successful businesswoman. As she tries to wrest control of her company from her son, will she make all the same mistakes again?

EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Episode 1: A Whole New You

In a highly-publicized experiment, a dying tech mogul and three elderly individuals transfer their minds to youthful, but brain-dead, bodies.

Thrilled at success, Peter aims for tech stardom, Diana rejoins the project’s scientific team, Mark revives his political career, and Suzanne seeks a second chance at life. But can they really ignore the baggage they brought from their previous lives?

Meanwhile, the Pentagon eyes the experiment closely through Mark, who’s acting as a mole because he believes national security is at stake.

Episode 2: We Are Family

As a publicity stunt, Peter allows the families of the hosts to meet the test subjects.

Diana meets Josh, her host’s husband, who had a rocky marriage with his unfaithful wife. The parents of Mark’s host want to be his family. And the wife of Peter’s host turns out to be dangerous. First, she tries to seduce him, then threatens him with a gun. If she can’t have him, nobody can.

Episode 3: This Isn’t Me

Because they have their hosts’ biological wiring, the test subjects start exhibiting personality changes.

Mark responds to a pass from his gay campaign manager, confused that he’s attracted to men. Diana feels compelled to spend time with Josh. Suzanne obsessively tracks down the family of her first love. And Peter nearly comes to blows with his CFO for not providing rosy projections.

It turns out Peter is close to financial ruin and must deceive his Board about the number of wealthy subjects he’s signed up.

Episode 4: Forces of Attraction

While Peter concentrates on selling the procedure to wealthy clients, Diana, Mark and Suzanne are caught up in complicated love affairs that contrast with their love-starved backstories.

Diana confesses to Josh that she’s never been in love, Mark starts a clandestine affair with his campaign manager and Suzanne falls for Nick, her first love’s grandson.

Meanwhile, the Pentagon puts pressure on Mark to supply them with more information. Will he be caught?

Episode 5: Younger Than Your Child

With parents younger than they are, the test subjects’ grown children resent the theft of their birthright.

Peter fails to reconcile with the estranged daughter he emotionally abandoned years ago. Suzanne clashes with her CEO son and pressures him to step down. Mark’s ambitious Congresswoman daughter is furious that he’s competing to be the rightful heir to their political dynasty.

Episode 6: More Than You Ever Wanted

The personality changes intensify, threatening to ruin the new lives of the test subjects.

Diana wants to make these side-effects public knowledge, but Peter insists on covering them up. He keeps Diana quiet by threatening to expose her research theft of years ago.

Suzanne obsessively plots a corporate coup, but Nick feels sidelined. Diana and Josh are in love but Diana doesn’t trust her feelings. As a result, she’s driven to find out where the host bodies came from.

They should be easily traceable, but the outside company that vetted them has disappeared. Along with their findings. What if serious personality disorders are just below the surface, waiting to emerge?

Episode 7: What’s Wrong with this Picture?

So, where did the hosts come from?

Suzanne is too obsessed with Nick and jealous of perceived rivals to care. Mark’s deep into his race, with his campaign manager urging him to come out to prove homosexuality is biologically based. Peter shrugs off the issue, which confirms to Diana that he cut corners in his rush to finish the procedure.

On her own, Diana discovers that the hosts are tied to an interlocking set of companies that have no internet presence or history. They’re connected! What are the odds that all four of them had accidents that left them brain-dead?

Episode 8: The Venus Flytrap

Peter deceives his wealthy clients into thinking the procedure is perfectly safe, making a fortune while setting up a potential scandal. The procedure becomes known as a billionaire fountain of youth.

When Diana reveals to Mark what she’s learned about the host bodies, he calls her paranoid. But Mark suspects the Pentagon’s involved. If they procured the host bodies and are now covering their tracks, what is their real agenda?

Diana long ago repressed any curiosity about what happened to the scientist that she stole the transfer procedure from. Big mistake. He has a daughter who has vowed to exact revenge. And Diana is a public figure, easy to find.

FIVE SEASONS DESCRIPTIONS

SEASON 1

In a groundbreaking experiment, dying tech mogul Peter transfers his consciousness, and those of three elderly individuals, to young brain-dead bodies. Youthful again, neurobiologist Diana and ex-Senator Mark pursue thwarted ambitions, while cosmetics tycoon Suzanne seeks a second chance at life.

Unfortunately, side-effects emerge, altering the personalities of the test subjects in disturbing ways.

Mark is revealed to the audience as a mole for the Pentagon, which is secretly tracking the experiment for its own purposes.

SEASON 2

Peter’s transfer process sparks interest among the richest people in the world, and new candidates undergo the procedure. The public is captivated, following the tech and the test subjects closely.

Protests arise over the ridiculous wealth required for a new lease on life. And Peter’s estranged daughter is one of the protest leaders.

Diana has to come to terms with the scientist she wronged when his daughter, a robotics genius, seeks revenge. She forces Diana to access Peter’s transfer device for an experiment of her own—transferring her father’s consciousness to an android she’s constructed.

SEASON 3

Against the backdrop of continued protest, the newer clients, now young, reveal the side-effects to the public.

That halts Peter’s business, and he pressures Diana to help counteract the side-effects. He also turns to Mark, now a Senator, to resist any kind of regulation. With his company on hold, Peter needs a cash infusion, and savvy businesswoman Suzanne invests for a major stake.

A reporter investigating military ties to the project joins forces with Diana and they discover Mark’s betrayal. Diana must convince Mark she’s in favor of the Pentagon’s involvement, to spy on them, herself.

To the horror of Diana, Mark and Suzanne, Peter is mysteriously killed.

SEASON 4

With Peter’s demise, the Pentagon attempts to take full control of the procedure.

Diana works with Peter’s estranged daughter to prove his death wasn’t an accident and to protect his legacy. Suzanne tries to protect her investment in Peter’s company and still maintain her new family.

Mark discovers that the Pentagon wants to transfer the consciousnesses of seasoned veterans into the living bodies of soldiers in their physical prime. That transfer will destroy a host’s consciousness, effectively “killing” him.

Mark betrays the Pentagon by becoming a whistleblower.

SEASON 5

Mark is discredited and nearly killed. He goes on the run. Diana and Suzanne will face the same retaliation if they try to substantiate Mark’s claims.

Meanwhile, the Pentagon enlists members of Peter’s team to make their first transfer successful. It produces ten experienced soldiers in their prime.

The Pentagon seems unstoppable. How can Diana and Suzanne go underground for safety and still deliver the Pentagon’s elite soldier plan a mortal blow?

Even if they do, another organization pursuing transfer technology waits in the wings. Their new recruit? The daughter of the scientist that Diana wronged, who’s still out for revenge.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Episode Titles

What I learned from this assignment is that I love this way of brainstorming titles, and I tended toward irony and metaphor, but used other categories too.

Old Titles

1. Transfer

2. Family Matters

3. Wired

4. Love is Rejuvenation

5. Birthright

6. Side-Effects

7. Origins

8. Full Speed Ahead

New Titles

1. A Whole New You

2. We Are Family

3. This Isn’t Me

4. Forces of Attraction

5. Younger Than Your Child

6. More Than You Ever Wanted

7. What’s Wrong with this Picture?

8. The Venus Flytrap

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis presents non-stop intrigue

What I learned from this assignment is that practicing the intrigue patterns on many lines in my tv pitch bible made that process start to flow. I now understand its value!

My TV pitch bible is vastly improved, with more open loops, strong statements and compelling questions.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Intrigue Patterns

What I learned from this assignment is that I can add more intriguing lines now.

Original Sentence: Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana invented the core of the transfer procedure and patented it.

Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean.

Thirty years ago, Diana Sagraves, a neurobiologist, played God by inventing the core of the transfer procedure, which will disrupt how we think about death and identity.

Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana Sagraves invented the core of the transfer procedure. Was patenting it a sign of her need for control, or protection against being sidelined?

Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

Did Diana really invent the core of the transfer procedure by herself?

Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana worried that Peter, her backer, would seize control of the transfer procedure for his own purposes.

But maybe it is all wrong.

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana Sagraves invented the core of the transfer procedure. But was it her own research she patented?

A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

Having stolen the research for the core of the transfer procedure thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana Sagraves will stop at nothing become one of today’s test subjects.

If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

If Diana Sagraves, the neurobiologist, steals the research that’s the key to the transfer procedure, it means she will patent it to secure a place on the project forever.

State the mystery.

How did Diana Sagraves, an unexceptional neurobiologist, come up with the key breakthrough that kickstarted the transfer procedure project?

<strong style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

Although neurobiologist Diana Sagraves should be thrilled at the possibility of consciousness transfer, she worries that it will never come to fruition.

Intense language.

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana Sagraves faced sexual harassment as the only woman working on consciousness transfer. But she made the breakthrough that got the respect she craved.

I picked: Thirty years ago, Diana Sagraves, a neurobiologist, played God by inventing the core of the transfer procedure, which will disrupt how we think about death and identity.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ TV Pitch Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment is that using the investigative tools helped give me a new perspective on my story, as well as intrigue and depth of character.

I came up with a new character and storyline: the daughter of the scientist Diana stole the foundational research from, her thirst for revenge, and her potential use for the transfer procedure that’s outside what the government or Peter and Diana want.

I added a hint of her agenda, and changed the dramatic question to “Who is really pulling the strings and what do they want out of this experiment?”

I found that some of my new ideas were good for seasons as opposed to episodes.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Show Summary

I learned from this assignment that intrigue comes in many forms, and the outline structure for the summary was really helpful.

Rough Draft

What if you could transfer your mind from your old, decrepit body to a young, healthy one? Without harming the young host?

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana invented the core of the procedure and patented it. Then she aged out of the Silicon Valley company that continued to develop the technology. Today, dying tech mogul Peter needs her patent to fire up the device for its maiden voyage. Diana uses her leverage to become one of the four elderly test subjects.

Ex-Senator Mark and marginalized cosmetics tycoon Suzanne join the group, and their minds are transferred to the young brain-dead hosts. The experiment is public, with the whole world watching. And it works!

Or did it? Peter accelerated the project to save his life. What did his team miss?

At first, the procedure is a dream come true. Diana rejoins Peter’s scientific team. Mark revives his political career. Peter plans on making a fortune. Suzanne seeks a new family she won’t forsake for work. But then side-effects emerge. The test subjects have the biological wiring of their hosts. Diana’s attracted to her host’s husband, Mark is now gay, Peter must control violent impulses, and Suzanne is obsessed with work and her new lover.

The side effects raise the question, where did these hosts come from? The outside company that vetted them for Peter has disappeared. As our test subjects hit dead ends, Mark starts pursuing his own investigation… because he has been a mole for the Pentagon all along! They have been tracking this project because of its implications for national security.

Who is really pulling the strings of this experiment and what do they want out of it?

AI V2

Season Summary: Fountain of Youth

1. Set up — Character’s normal situation: In a groundbreaking experiment, wealthy elders transfer their minds into youthful, brain-dead bodies. As Peter seeks tech fame, Diana returns to science, Mark resurrects politics, and Suzanne yearns for redemption. Secrets unravel, and the Pentagon lurks with its own motives.

2. Twist/Hook: The experiment’s success catapults the test subjects into rejuvenated lives, but shadows from their pasts and a mysterious Pentagon interest loom.

3. Layer beneath surface – Major Empathy / Distress: Personalities shift due to hosts’ wiring, exposing hidden desires and complicating relationships. Diana struggles with newfound love, Mark grapples with his altered sexuality, and Suzanne faces corporate turmoil.

4. Twist/Hook: The Pentagon receives sensitive data, uncovering a mole within Peter’s team, adding an espionage layer to the already complex experiment.

5. Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery: As the subjects navigate love affairs, familial conflicts, and financial challenges, Diana’s discovery of the hosts’ biological impact deepens the mystery. The vanished company that vetted hosts raises ominous questions.

6. <strong style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question: Mark, colluding with the Pentagon, unravels the hosts’ origin, exposing a sinister connection. The success of the rejuvenation procedure becomes public, attracting billionaires. Yet, the test subjects grapple with unforeseen consequences. Will they conquer the mysteries, or will the experiment consume them?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Episode Descriptions

I learned from this assignment that the Hook/Intrigue to Cliffhanger formula worked really well to organize my thoughts about the episodes. Also, AI was a good catalyst for coming up with my own descriptions.

Episode 1

Hook/Intrigue: In a highly publicized procedure, a dying entrepreneur and three wealthy, elderly customers transfer their consciousnesses to youthful brain-dead hosts.

Main Character Journey: Now young and healthy, each sets out to fulfill a dream. Diana wants control of the science, Mark wants to resurrect his political career, Peter wants to be seen as the next Steve Jobs and Suzanne wants to make up for a lifetime of personal regrets.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Diana clashes with Lily Tileston, head of the project, Mark has a bitter ex-wife with tales to tell, Peter has a skittish Board of Directors and Suzanne wants to wrest control of her company from her unworthy son.

Action/Reaction: Diana has to prove herself to Peter and we learn she blackmailed him to make her a test subject. Suzanne appeals to her Board but, even rejuvenated, she’s ignored. Mark hires a campaign manager who helps him neutralize his ex-wife.

Cliffhanger: The Pentagon has its own lab and is following the results of Peter’s consciousness transfer closely.

Episode 1: Transfer In a daring experiment, elderly elites transfer their minds to youthful bodies. Diana wrestles for control, Mark revives his political career, Peter aims for tech stardom, and Suzanne seeks redemption. Tensions rise as secrets unfold, and the Pentagon watches closely.

Episode 1:

In a highly-publicized experiment, a dying entrepreneur and three wealthy, elderly customers transfer their minds to youthful, but brain-dead, bodies. Thrilled at success, Peter aims for tech stardom, Diana rejoins the project’s scientific team, Mark revives his political career, and Suzanne seeks a second chance at life. But these four test subjects can’t outrun the obstacles and secrets from their previous lives. And the experiment has its secret, too. The Pentagon is watching the results closely with an eye on its own agenda.

Episode 2

Hook/Intrigue: Peter agrees to have host family members meet him and other test subjects for closure and for the favorable publicity.

Main Character Journey: For the first time, Diana, Mark, Peter and Suzanne are dealing with the losses that gave them their second chances.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Keeping the family members at arms-length.

Action/Reaction: Josh, the husband of Diana’s host, was going to split from his wife before her accident. The parents of Mark’s host want to be his family, and the sister of Suzanne’s host is star-struck.

Cliffhanger: The wife of Peter’s host tries to seduce him and then threatens him with a gun. If she can’t have him, she’d rather he be dead.

Episode 2: Family Matters The test subjects confront host families, facing emotional turmoil. Diana navigates a rocky marriage, Mark’s family wants a piece of his rejuvenated life, and Peter faces a dangerous encounter. As bonds strain, a gun-wielding threat leaves Peter’s fate hanging.

Episode 2:

As a publicity stunt, Peter allows the families of the hosts to meet the test subjects. Diana meets Josh, her host’s husband, who had a rocky marriage with his unfaithful wife. The parents of Mark’s host want to be his family. And the wife of Peter’s host turns out to be dangerous. First, she tries to seduce him, then threatens him with a gun. If she can’t have him, she’d rather no one did.

Episode 3

Hook/Intrigue: The test subjects begin to experience side-effects from the procedure because they’re affected by the physiology of their host bodies.

Main Character Journey: Only Mark recognizes the side-effect because it is a change in sexuality, while the others ignore the emotional changes they’re experiencing.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Diana, Peter and Suzanne are in denial and Mark tells no one because he fears political fallout.

Action/Reaction: Diana spends time with Josh, going over the science of the procedure. Mark responds to a pass from his gay campaign manager, and is confused that he’s attracted to men. Peter nearly comes to blows with his CFO who isn’t providing rosy enough projections. Suzanne obsessively tracks down the family of her first love.

Cliffhanger: The Pentagon receives scientific data from the experiment. A mole exists in Peter’s company.

Episode 3: Wired Side effects emerge, altering emotions and relationships. Mark grapples with newfound desires, while Diana, Peter, and Suzanne deny the changes. Secrets unfold—Diana manipulates, Mark hides, Peter clashes, and Suzanne’s past love resurfaces. A mole threatens Peter’s empire.

Episode 3:

Because they have their hosts’ biological wiring, the test subjects start exhibiting personality changes. Mark responds to a pass from his gay campaign manager, and is confused that he’s attracted to men. Diana feels compelled to spend time with Josh. Peter nearly comes to blows with his CFO for not providing rosy projections. And Suzanne obsessively tracks down the family of her first love.

The Pentagon receives a cache of scientific data from the project. Someone on Peter’s team is a mole!

Episode 4

Hook/Intrigue: Current love stories contrast with love-starved backstories.

Main Character Journey: Peter and Suzanne pursue their dreams while Diana and Mark get sidetracked from what they thought were their dreams.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Peter must sell the procedure to wealthy new customers while the others face the challenge of forbidden love.

Action/Reaction: Peter succeeds, while Suzanne falls for Nick, her first love’s grandson and hires him. Diana confesses to Josh that she never found love and Mark starts a clandestine affair with his campaign manager, admitting he had a loveless, politically correct marriage.

Cliffhanger: Peter, facing financial ruin, counts anyone he’s talked to as a signed new client, fraudulently raising his results for the Board.

Episode 4: Love is Rejuvenation Love blossoms amidst conflicting desires. Peter courts wealthy clients, Suzanne pursues an old flame’s grandson, while Diana and Mark stray from their paths. Peter’s deceit risks everything as forbidden affairs and misplaced dreams spiral out of control.

Episode 4:

While Peter concentrates on selling the transfer procedure to wealthy new clients, Diana, Mark and Suzanne are all caught up in complicated love affairs that contrast with their love-starved backstories. Diana confesses to Josh that she’s never been in love, Mark starts a clandestine affair with his campaign manager and Suzanne falls for Nick, her first love’s grandson.

Peter turns out to be facing financial ruin and must deceive his Board about the number of wealthy subjects he’s signed up.

Episode 5

Hook/Intrigue: What happens to the birthright of the grown children of the test subjects?

Main Character Journey: Peter, Suzanne and Mark deal with the anger of their grown children over the consciousness transfer.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Peter’s estranged daughter, Suzanne’s undeserving, entitled son, and Mark’s ambitious daughter.

Action/Reaction: Peter tries to reconcile with the daughter he emotionally abandoned years ago, and fails miserably. Suzanne clashes with her son over his leadership skills and pressures him to step down. Mark’s ambitious Congresswoman daughter wanted her shot at the Senate; let her continue the dynasty now.

Cliffhanger: Diana discovers the wiring of the host’s brains will affect the test subjects’ behavior.

Episode 5: Birthright Grown children clash with the test subjects over their altered destinies. Peter faces an estranged daughter, Suzanne battles her entitled son, and Mark’s political dynasty is challenged. As tensions escalate, Diana uncovers a revelation about the hosts’ wiring.

Episode 5:

With parents younger than they are, the test subjects’ grown children resent the theft of their birthright. Peter fails to reconcile with the estranged daughter he emotionally abandoned years ago. Suzanne clashes with her CEO son over leadership skills and pressures him to step down. Mark’s ambitious Congresswoman daughter is furious that he’s competing to be rightful heir to their political dynasty.

Diana proves that the hosts’ biological makeup is affecting them. What will she do with that knowledge?

Episode 6

Hook/Intrigue: The side-effects are growing stronger, creating obstacles to the test subjects’ ambitions.

Main Character Journey: Peter must choose between transparency and financial success. Diana must determine if her feelings for Josh are hers or a remnant of her host’s. Suzanne’s obsessive behavior threatens her happiness.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Peter conflicts with Diana over transparency. Side-effects challenge Suzanne and Diana’s relationships.

Action/Reaction: Diana wants to release news of side-effects to the public, but Peter keeps her quiet by threatening to expose her research theft of years ago. Suzanne plots a corporate coup with talented managers, but Nick feels sidelined. Diana and Josh are in love but Diana doesn’t trust it fully.

Cliffhanger: All now want to know more about the hosts, but the outside company that vetted them for Peter no longer seems to exist.

Episode 6: Side-Effects The side effects intensify, threatening ambitions. Peter faces a dilemma of transparency, Diana grapples with newfound love, and Suzanne’s obsession jeopardizes her well-being. Conflicts arise over disclosure, relationships strain, and a mysterious disappearance adds more complexity.

Episode 6:

The personality changes intensify, threatening the ambitions of the test subjects. Diana wants to release the news of these side-effects to the public, but Peter keeps her quiet by threatening to expose her research theft of years ago. Suzanne obsessively plots a corporate coup with talented managers, but Nick feels sidelined. Diana and Josh are in love but Diana doesn’t trust it fully.

Just when they’re most curious about how the hosts were selected, the outside company that vetted them for Peter doesn’t seem to exist.

Episode 7

Hook/Intrigue: Where did the hosts come from?

Main Character Journey: Because of the side-effects, each test subject wants to know more of the origins of their host bodies.

Major Challenge/Conflict: The information is vague, contradictory, or not available.

Action/Reaction: Suzanne is too obsessed with Nick and jealous of perceived rivals to join the investigation. Mark’s campaign manager wants him to come out to prove homosexuality is biologically based. Peter, Mark and Diana find the hosts were all consultants, but their companies are p.o. boxes.

Cliffhanger: A dead end. Were these hosts somehow connected, working for the same company or agency?

Episode 7: Origins Seeking answers about their hosts, the test subjects encounter mysterious origins. Vague clues lead to dead ends, fueling suspicions. Suzanne’s obsession hinders the investigation, Mark contemplates a bold political move, and Diana, Peter, and Mark uncover a perplexing connection.

Episode 7:

Where did the hosts come from?

Suzanne is too obsessed with Nick and jealous of perceived rivals to join the investigation. Mark’s campaign manager wants him to come out to prove homosexuality is biologically based. Peter, Mark and Diana find the hosts were all consultants, but their companies are p.o. boxes. They’ve hit a dead end, and are left wondering if these hosts were somehow connected, working for the same company or agency.

Episode 8

Hook/Intrigue: How are the test subjects faring despite the mystery of the hosts?

Main Character Journey: Peter avoids financial ruin, Diana finds love for the first time, Mark campaigns hard, and Suzanne’s ruthless side is winning out.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Peter needs financial resources, Diana chafes under Peter’s control, Mark is neck-and-neck with his Senate rival, and Suzanne is trying to achieve work/life balance.

Action/Reaction: Peter declares the procedure a success and signs up clients, Diane settles in with Josh, Suzanne convinces her board to invest in Peter’s company and also finds out Nick’s not perfect.

Cliffhanger: Mark tries to find out from the Pentagon where the host bodies really came from, since he is colluding with them.

Episode 8: Finale As mysteries persist, the test subjects navigate challenges. Peter fights financial ruin, Diana discovers true love, Mark campaigns fiercely, and Suzanne’s ruthless side emerges. Tensions peak as secrets unravel, and Mark colludes with the Pentagon, unraveling the truth behind the host bodies.

Episode 8:

With the personality changes under wraps, Peter starts to attract more clients. But he still needs money. Suzanne’s natural business savvy emerges and she convinces her Board to invest. The procedure becomes known as a billionaire fountain of youth. It’s also proving a mixed bag for the test subjects. Diana is settling in with Josh, still unsure of her host’s residual effects. Mark is neck-and-neck with his Senate rival, and Suzanne is discovering Nick is not all he appeared to be.

Mark contacts the Pentagon to find out more about the mysterious hosts—and reveals himself as the mole colluding with the military.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Strong’s Episode List Rough Draft

I learned that if I plugged my events into AI, I got some interesting results on Episodes.

My Bullet Points:

Episode 1

· In a lab, four test-subjects’ brains are connected to brain-dead hosts.

· Peter publicizes the successful procedure, to dismay of others.

· Diana returns to work on the project and clashes with Lily Tileston.

· Mark launches his Senate campaign, hires campaign manager.

· Suzanne discovers her board has made her son CEO of her empire.

· The Pentagon has its own lab and is following experiment closely.

Episode 2

· Host family members want to meet test subjects for closure.

· The husband of Diana’s host was about to file for divorce.

· The wife of Peter’s host took the money but is having regrets.

· The parents of Mark’s host want to be his family.

· The sister of Suzanne’s host is star-struck.

Episode 3

· Mark’s bitter ex-wife from his political marriage makes trouble.

· The husband of Diana’s host, Josh, hangs with her, learning the science.

· Suzanne finds the grandson of her first love and offers him a job.

· The Board calls Peter to task on his rosy financial projections.

Episode 4

· Suzanne insinuates herself into Nick the grandson’s life.

· Peter is in sales mode with the 1% to reserve fountain of youth slots.

· Diana discovers Peter accelerated the project and cut corners.

· A reporter starts to profile the test subjects.

Episode 5

· Peter tries to reconcile with estranged daughter and fails miserably.

· Suzanne confronts her son about his lack of leadership skills.

· Mark’s Congresswoman daughter is furious he’s running for her spot.

· Diana confronts Peter, stunned when he explodes and nearly hits her.

Episode 6

· Suzanne plans a corporate coup with managers to depose her son.

· Peter goes to Suzanne for a loan, but she’s obsessed with the coup.

· Josh is falling for Diana, and she’s in love for the first time ever.

· Mark discovers he’s attracted to men, but fears political fallout.

Episode 7

· The coup succeeds, but is Suzanne falling into same work trap?

· Suzanne’s obsessed with Nick and jealous of perceived rivals.

· Mark starts a clandestine affair with his campaign manager.

· All four realize they’re succumbing to side-effects.

Episode 8

· All four want to know how hosts were selected.

· Interviewing host family members—all were consultants.

· Digging deeper, find companies are p.o. boxes.

· Were hosts connected, working for same company or agency?

Episode 9

· Peter blackmails Diana with exposure of her research theft.

· Diana agrees to stay quiet on side-effects.

· Mark’s campaign manager thinks Mark should come out.

· Nick’s father threatens to expose Suzanne’s motives to Nick.

Episode 10

· Peter declares the experiment a success and starts signing up clients.

· Suzanne’s company invests in Peter’s, keeping him from financial ruin.

· Diana allows herself to find comfort and belonging with Josh.

· Reveal Mark as the liaison to the Pentagon, supplying them with data.

·CHATGPT

Episode 1: “Genesis”

· Teaser: In a high-tech lab, the consciousness transfer procedure begins as the brains of Diana, Mark, Peter, and Suzanne connect to brain-dead hosts. The experiment’s success is publicized by Peter, unveiling the four wealthy individuals now inhabiting youthful bodies.

· Main Character journey: Diana, rejuvenated in a young body, grapples with the emotional turmoil of her host’s relationships and faces tension with Lily Tileston, her new lab partner. Mark, now a charismatic political contender, navigates the challenges of a revived political career. Peter, focused on financial gain, encounters resistance from Diana, who advocates for transparency. Suzanne, in her new form, seeks to regain control of her cosmetics empire and forge a new family.

· Major Challenge/Conflict: Peter’s decision to publicize the experiment sparks public fascination and media scrutiny. Diana and Lily clash over the direction of the project. Mark faces political adversaries, while Suzanne’s son takes control of her company.

· Midpoint: Diana becomes increasingly distracted by emotions from her host body, complicating her focus on perfecting the procedure. Mark grapples with the realization of his evolving sexuality, while Peter’s financial struggles escalate.

· Action/Reaction: Suzanne’s romantic pursuits with her first love’s grandson attract media attention and threaten her empire. Mark’s campaign manager faces the challenge of managing a candidate with a secret. Diana confronts Lily about the direction of the project.

· Cliffhanger: The Pentagon, aware of the experiment, intensifies its efforts, secretly running a parallel project with potential consequences for the unsuspecting test subjects.

·

· Episode 2: “Family Ties”

· Teaser: Host family members demand to meet the test subjects, seeking closure. The husband of Diana’s host, unaware of the consciousness transfer, contemplates divorce. The wife of Peter’s host grapples with guilt over accepting money for the procedure. Mark faces the desire of his host family to become his new family. Suzanne’s host sister is star-struck by her.

· Main Character Journey: Diana navigates the emotional complexities of her host’s fractured marriage, questioning her own role. Mark, uneasy with his host family’s expectations, grapples with the facade of familial ties. Peter wrestles with the consequences of the procedure on his host family. Suzanne finds herself emotionally entangled with her host’s family dynamics.

· Major Challenge/Conflict: The test subjects confront the growing ethical dilemmas as host families seek connections. Diana must manage the impending divorce in her host’s life. Peter grapples with the wife’s second thoughts, threatening the project’s secrecy. Mark faces pressure from his host family to embrace a new identity. Suzanne’s romantic involvement with her host’s grandson creates tension.

· Midpoint: Diana’s host husband learns about the consciousness transfer, causing emotional chaos. Peter discovers the wife of his host has become an unexpected obstacle. Mark’s attempt to bond with his host family takes an unexpected turn. Suzanne’s romantic involvement sparks family tensions.

· Action/Reaction: Diana grapples with the fallout of her host family discovering the truth, endangering the experiment. Peter tries to salvage his relationship with his host’s wife, facing threats of exposure. Mark’s attempt to integrate with his host family results in political complications. Suzanne’s newfound romance with her host’s grandson jeopardizes her plans.

· Cliffhanger: As host families demand answers, a mysterious figure appears, claiming to have insider knowledge about the experiment and threatening to expose the truth, putting the entire project at risk.

·

· Episode 3: “Family Affairs”

· Teaser: Mark’s ex-wife, bitter about his rejuvenation, starts causing political trouble. Diana spends more time with Josh, her host’s husband, explaining the intricacies of the scientific process. Suzanne, trying to build a new family, offers a job to the grandson of her first love. The Board challenges Peter on the overly optimistic financial projections for the project.

· Main Character Journey: Mark must navigate the political storm caused by his vengeful ex-wife, questioning the toll his rejuvenation takes on his personal life. Diana faces conflicting emotions as she spends time with Josh, torn between scientific pursuit and personal connection. Suzanne juggles building a new family while managing her business empire. Peter grapples with the Board’s skepticism and the pressure to deliver on financial promises.

· Major Challenge/Conflict: Mark’s political aspirations are jeopardized by the meddling of his ex-wife, who threatens to expose the experiment to the public. Diana and Josh’s growing bond raises ethical concerns and suspicions among their peers. Suzanne’s attempt to integrate her newfound family into her business is met with resistance. Peter struggles to maintain the facade of financial success while facing increasing scrutiny.

· Midpoint: Mark’s ex-wife intensifies her efforts to expose the experiment, putting Mark’s political future in jeopardy. Diana’s connection with Josh deepens, leading to an emotional confrontation. Suzanne’s attempt to blend her personal and professional life faces unexpected challenges. Peter’s financial projections unravel, causing a rift with the Board.

· Action/Reaction: Mark confronts his ex-wife, attempting to contain the political fallout and salvage his campaign. Diana and Josh’s growing intimacy forces them to confront the ethical implications of their relationship. Suzanne faces resistance from her son and the Board as she tries to merge her family with her business. Peter scrambles to find a solution to the financial crisis, resorting to questionable tactics.

· Cliffhanger: In a dramatic turn, Mark’s ex-wife leaks incriminating evidence to the media, exposing the experiment and threatening the lives of all test subjects. The public learns about the controversial project, putting immense pressure on the subjects and the company.

·

· Episode 4: “Pandora’s Box”

· Teaser: A reporter begins delving into the lives of the test subjects, uncovering the experiment’s secrecy and raising public interest. Suzanne weaves herself further into Nick’s life, blurring personal and professional boundaries. Peter aggressively pitches the experimental procedure to the wealthy elite. Diana, suspicious of Peter’s actions, discovers he accelerated the project, compromising its integrity.

· Main Character Journey: Suzanne’s pursuit of a new family intensifies as she navigates the complexities of her relationship with Nick. Peter enters the realm of salesmanship, struggling with the ethical implications of commodifying the experimental procedure. Diana faces the shock of Peter’s accelerated timeline, questioning his motives and the impact on the project’s success.

· Major Challenge/Conflict: The reporter’s investigation poses a significant threat to the secrecy of the experiment, putting the test subjects and the company in the public eye. Suzanne’s involvement with Nick raises questions about the blurred lines between her personal life and the experiment’s objectives. Peter grapples with the ethical dilemma of selling rejuvenation to the wealthy, risking the project’s exposure. Diana confronts Peter about the compromised integrity of the experiment due to his shortcuts.

· Midpoint: The reporter’s probing intensifies, putting immense pressure on the test subjects and the company. Suzanne’s romantic involvement with Nick becomes a focal point of public interest. Peter faces backlash from the Board as they question the risks he took to speed up the project. Diana confronts Peter about his actions, sparking a heated confrontation.

· Action/Reaction: Mark, concerned about the potential exposure, seeks political damage control as the reporter’s investigation threatens his political aspirations. Suzanne, caught in the media storm, grapples with the consequences of her romantic involvement with Nick. Peter attempts to salvage his reputation and secure financial backing amid growing skepticism. Diana, driven by her dedication to the project, begins exploring ways to mitigate the damage caused by Peter’s shortcuts.

· Cliffhanger: The reporter publishes a scathing exposé, revealing the details of the experiment, the compromised process, and the lives of the test subjects. The public is in an uproar, and the company’s future is in jeopardy. Mark faces political fallout, Suzanne’s personal life is exposed, Peter’s financial prospects crumble, and Diana struggles to maintain control amidst the chaos. The Defense Dept, now with public support, intensifies their efforts to take control of the project.

Episode 5: “Fractured Reflections”

Teaser: The episode opens with Peter’s failed attempt to reconcile with his estranged daughter, leaving him emotionally shattered. Suzanne confronts her son about his inability to lead the company, leading to a heated argument. Mark faces his furious daughter, who is appalled by his political ambitions. Diana, concerned about the project’s integrity, confronts Peter about his actions, leading to a shocking confrontation.

Main Character Journey:

<ul type=”disc”>

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ 5 Seasons

I learned from this assignment that iterating with AI to get what you’re looking for can take a lot of time, even at AI speed.

Season 1 Start: Four wealthy individuals, one dying, the others marginalized by age, undergo an experimental consciousness transfer procedure that places their minds in the bodies of brain-dead hosts.

Season 5 End: Suzanne has succeeded in outlawing the consciousness transfer project. Diana continues anyway, under the radar, waiting for an opportunity to use it again for herself.

Stair Step Model

· Season 1: Unforeseen consequences of the transfer procedure, such as side-effects. At end, Defense Dept. and Mark’s involvement revealed.

· Season 2: As Peter’s efforts to commercialize the procedure move closer to fruition, test subjects face more obstacles on their individual journeys.

· Season 3: Protests arise against the 1% getting access to immortality. Diana and Suzanne swayed. Peter is killed mysteriously.

· Season 4: Diana works with Peter’s daughter to democratize the procedure while Mark tries to prevent full Defense Dept. Control. Early involvement due to Mark, and the source of the brain-dead hosts are revealed.

· Season 5: Suzanne, with her resources and ruthlessness, can fight the Defense Dept, with Mark’s whistle-blower help. Diana continues under the radar after the procedure is outlawed.

Building Blocks for Each Season

SEASON 1

· High Concept or Major Hook: The consciousness transfer procedure works.

· Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: What are the opportunities and drawbacks for each test subject in a youthful, healthy body?

· Main Conflict: Diana vs. Peter regarding the transparency of the project to the public.

· Main Mystery/Open Loops: How will these test subjects act in their new bodies?

· Cliffhanger: Mark is the liaison to the Defense Dept.

SEASON 2

· High Concept or Major Hook: The procedure is commercialized for those who can afford it, with new subjects opting in.

· Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Overcoming obstacles the test subjects face in pursuit of their dreams.

· Main Conflict: Diana, Peter and Reporter conflict with Mark as they suspect he has a hidden agenda.

· Main Mystery/Open Loops: What is the Defense Dept’s interest in this procedure?

· Cliffhanger: Diana and Reporter discover Mark’s ties to the Defense Dept. and Diana becomes a double agent to learn more.

SEASON 3

· High Concept or Major Hook: Protests arise against the outrageous price of the procedure, giving only the ½ of 1% access to immortality.

· Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The procedure falls under intense scrutiny as side-effects become public, Mark wins his Senate seat, and Suzanne and Diana begin to believe the procedure should be regulated.

· Main Conflict: Peter vs. Suzanne and Diana.

· Main Mystery/Open Loops: Will the procedure survive the uproar?

· Cliffhanger: Peter is mysteriously killed.

SEASON 4

· High Concept or Major Hook: The fight for control of the procedure, between Peter’s company, now led by Peter’s Daughter, and the Defense Dept. intensifies.

· Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The surviving test subjects (and perhaps some newbies) must choose a side.

· Main Conflict: Diana, Suzanne, and ultimately Mark against the Defense Dept.

· Main Mystery/Open Loops: Who killed Peter? What is the Defense Dept’s real goal for this procedure?

· Cliffhanger: Upon learning that the Defense Dept. wants to infuse young soldiers with the experience of seasoned veterans, Mark turns against them and must become a fugitive.

SEASON 5

· High Concept or Major Hook: The Defense Department intends to transfer the consciousnesses of seasoned veterans to the young bodies of existing soldiers, effectively killing the young soldiers.

· Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Suzanne must use her ruthlessness, and Diana her moral flexibility to stop the Defense Dept plans.

· Main Conflict: Suzanne, Diana, Mark vs. the Defense Dept.

· Main Mystery/Open Loops: Who will win this battle?

· Cliffhanger: Diana still has access to the outlawed procedure and tech and will continue to work on perfecting it.

Season 1 Description:

What if you could trade your old, decrepit body in for a healthy, younger one, and still remain you?

When Peter, a dying entrepreneur, decides to test his procedure to transfer consciousness to brain-dead bodies, he includes neurobiologist Diana, ex-Senator Mark, and cosmetics tycoon Suzanne, all marginalized by age. Young again, Diana and Mark pursue thwarted ambitions, while Suzanne wants to make up for her regrets.

Then side-effects start to affect their personalities. Diana wants to inform the public, while Peter insists on a cover up to promote the project’s success. But another party has an interest: Mark is colluding with The Defense Dept.

AI Condensed Version: Dying entrepreneur Peter tests consciousness transfer on himself, neurobiologist Diana, ex-Senator Mark, and cosmetics tycoon Suzanne, all sidelined by age. With rejuvenated bodies, Diana and Mark chase past ambitions, Suzanne seeks redemption. Side effects alter personalities, creating conflicts over disclosure. Meanwhile, Mark collaborates with the Defense Dept.

Season 2 Description

Peter wins, covers up the side-effects, and signs up wealthy clients for future access to the procedure. He’s desperate to avoid the financial ruin he’s secretly facing. Diana, seeking professional respect, is sidetracked by her feelings for the husband of her host body, who has fallen in love with her. Mark discovers he now shares his host body’s homosexuality, and must weigh that in light of his political ambitions. Suzanne starts a relationship with the grandson of her first love, but is distracted by trying to seize control of her company from her son.

A reporter investigating possible military ties to the project joins forces with Diana and they discover Mark’s betrayal. Diana must convince Mark she is on his side so she can become a double agent and find a way to keep control of the project in private hands.

AI Condensed Version: Peter conceals side effects, signs wealthy clients, driven by financial desperation. Diana navigates a romance with her host body’s husband. Mark, discovering newfound homosexuality, grapples with political implications. Suzanne, in love with her first love’s grandson, strives for control of her company. A reporter, probing military links, teams up with Diana to expose Mark’s betrayal. Diana, posing as Mark’s ally, aims to retain private control.

Season 3 Description

Peter’s consciousness transfer process is sparking interest among the richest people in the world, and new candidates are undergoing the procedure. It has captivated public attention and money is pouring in. Protests arise over the ridiculous wealth required for a new lease on life.

Against this backdrop, Mark wins his senate seat, the procedure comes under intense scrutiny as the side-effects become public, and Diana and Suzanne begin to believe the procedure should be regulated. Peter is adamant about resisting interference, and wants Mark’s help.

To the horror of Diana, Mark and Suzanne, Peter is mysteriously killed in a hit and run.

AI Condensed Version: Peter’s procedure gains global attention, attracting wealthy candidates and sparking protests over inequality. Mark wins his Senate seat. Scrutiny intensifies as side effects emerge. Diana and Suzanne advocate for regulation. Peter seeks Mark’s assistance against interference. Shockingly, Peter is mysteriously killed in a hit and run, alarming Diana, Mark, and Suzanne.

Season 4 Description

With Peter’s demise, the Defense Dept attempts to take full control of the procedure. Diana joins forces with Peter’s estranged daughter to prove Peter’s death wasn’t an accident and to protect Peter’s legacy. Suzanne must ultimately pick a side between supporting Diana or tacitly supporting the Defense Dept by default.

Mark suspects that the Defense Dept isn’t just interested in controlling the project in the interest of national security. He discovers that they want to transfer the consciousnesses of seasoned veterans into the living bodies of soldiers in their physical prime. That transfer will destroy the host’s consciousness, effectively “killing” him. Mark betrays the Defense Dept by becoming a whistleblower.

AI Condensed Version: After Peter’s death, the Defense Dept eyes full control. Diana collaborates with Peter’s estranged daughter to unveil the truth. Suzanne faces a crucial choice between supporting Diana or implicitly siding with the Defense Dept. Meanwhile, Mark exposes the Dept’s plan to transfer consciousness from veterans to soldiers, leading to a betrayal and whistleblowing.

Season 5 Description

Mark is nearly killed and goes on the run. Diana must use her moral flexibility and Suzanne, her ruthlessness to stop the Defense Dept plans. Meanwhile, the Defense Dept taps members of Peter’s scientific team to help make their first transfer procedure successful. It works and produces ten experienced soldiers in their prime.

Mark returns to the Senate at the risk of his life and joins with Suzanne in getting the procedure outlawed. Other nations follow suit. Diana is disgruntled; she wanted control returned to the private sector, with strict regulatory guardrails. She retains the tech necessary for the procedure, and with her know-how, prepares to use it again, for herself, in the future.

AI Condensed Version: Mark narrowly escapes death and goes underground, while Diana and Suzanne unite to thwart the Defense Dept’s sinister plans. The Dept recruits Peter’s scientists, achieving a successful consciousness transfer, creating ten elite soldiers. Mark, risking his life, reenters the Senate to outlaw the procedure worldwide. Dissatisfied, Diana retains the tech, plotting future use.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Main Characters

I learned 2 things: the BW framework was so helpful in filling out the character sketch, and AI gave me better answers the more detail I gave it.

DIANA SAGRAVES: A marginalized Silicon Valley neurobiologist, Diana becomes a test subject for the consciousness transfer procedure she pioneered. She regains her youth and health in a host body, and is poised to recapture the respect of the scientific community. Brilliant, but morally flexible, she has secrets that threaten the project and her standing: she stole the original research for the transfer procedure, and has concealed the potential for side-effects that could derail the experiment.

She is driven to perfect the procedure, putting her at odds with ex-lover Peter, who wants to cut corners for financial gain. She is also distracted by the side-effects, which has host body emotions overriding her own. She’s attracted to the husband of her host, who has fallen for her. Would the best solution for this project be ceding control to the Defense Dept.?

AI: Diana Sagraves, the brilliant biologist and test subject in the consciousness transfer project, craves respect while harboring a morally flexible nature. Her intriguing history, including stealing foundational research and a past affair with Peter, adds layers of complexity. As she hides potential side-effects and aligns with Mark’s conspiracy for Defense Dept. control, the mystery of her motives deepens, driving conflicts against cutting corners and revealing ironic links to Alzheimer’s. The unpredictable nature of her actions, especially regarding her relationships with Peter, Mark, and her host body’s husband, ensures she remains a captivating force in this high-stakes, morally ambiguous experiment.

MARK ASHBURN: The charismatic scion of a political dynasty, Mark is determined to regain the Senate seat he lost because he was too old. Now in a young host body, he’s politically viable again and offers decades of experience. His affability and charm hide his outsized ambition, but he’ll stop at nothing to win. He meets obstacles like his vengeful ex-wife head on, but is thrown by discovering he’s attracted to men because it’s wired in his host body. Will he reveal he’s gay if he believes it will turn off some voters?

He is also in conflict with his fellow test subjects because he values loyalty to his country over loyalty to them. While Peter wants to commercialize the process and Diana wants to control it, Mark wants the government to be involved in the interests of National Security. He’s colluding with the Defense Dept on taking control of the project, but is that wise?

AI: Enter Mark Ashburn, the charismatic scion of a political dynasty determined to reclaim his lost Senate seat by embracing a youthful host body, blending decades of experience with newfound vitality. His affable demeanor conceals outsized ambition, now complicated by a surprising attraction to men in his transformed state. Mark’s conflicts with his vengeful ex-wife, fellow test subjects, and government collusion add layers of intrigue, raising questions about the wisdom of his choices and the impact on national security in this compelling Science Fiction Thriller.

PETER BARNETT: A tech mogul who persevered despite his father’s emotional abuse, Peter’s entrepreneurial vision has kept the project alive for decades. Diagnosed with inoperable cancer, he decides it’s time to test the transfer procedure. But is it too soon?

After regaining his health in a young host body, he has two immediate goals: earn a fortune from the procedure and reconnect with his estranged daughter. The first puts him in conflict with Diana, who wants transparency as they perfect the procedure. Down the line, Peter will be in conflict with the Defense Dept over the control of the project.

Why is he bulldozing his way over Diana and Mark, covering up side effects and misleading his board about wealthy sign-ups? He needs to profit from this project fast, because he is facing financial ruin.

AI: Meet Peter Barnett, the resilient tech mogul whose entrepreneurial tenacity kept the consciousness transfer project alive despite enduring emotional abuse from his father. Now, diagnosed with inoperable cancer, Peter seizes the opportunity to test the procedure, initiating conflicts with Diana over transparency and setting the stage for future clashes with the Defense Department. Driven by the urgent need to amass a fortune and reconcile with his estranged daughter, Peter’s relentless pursuit of success, financial redemption, and family reconciliation adds layers of intrigue to the Science Fiction Thriller.

SUZANNE FARRELL: The founder of an Estee Lauder-type cosmetics empire, Suzanne is being marginalized by her son because she’s too old to run it. All she’s left with is a lifetime of regrets, having chosen work over family.

Mysteriously, she is chosen as one of the test subjects. With her consciousness transferred to a young host body, she believes she has a second chance on life. She doesn’t care if the procedure becomes big business, or if Peter’s company controls the project. She wants a new family, and starts by developing a romantic relationship with the grandson of her first love.

She wants to be a new person, but she carries the same unforgiving nature and ruthlessness that made her such a successful businesswoman. As she tries wrest control from her son, will she make all the same mistakes again?

AI: Meet Suzanne Farrell, the tycoon behind a cosmetics empire, now marginalized by age and haunted by a lifetime of regrets. Chosen as a test subject for a consciousness transfer, Suzanne seizes the opportunity for a second chance, indifferent to the project’s commercial success or control. Desiring a new family, she ignites a romance with the grandson of her first love, but as she strives for change, Suzanne grapples with the paradox of retaining her unforgiving nature and ruthlessness from her past success. Will her quest for control lead to a repetition of old mistakes?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Intriguing Concept and World

I learned from this assignment that the sub-categories of the world really helped me define my intriguing sub-world.

Concept

· Aged, rich individuals transfer consciousness to young, brain-dead hosts

· … in hopes of getting a second chance at life

· … but the procedure is experimental

· … leading to unexpected physiological effects and complications.

Hook 1: What if you were old and could afford to transfer your consciousness into a young body with an untested procedure?

Hook 2: How will four wealthy, elderly test subjects fare when they transfer their consciousnesses to young, brain-dead hosts?

World

· The Silicon Valley Tech Industry

· … home of futuristic breakthroughs

· … through the experience of eager test subjects

· … as they discover unexpected fallout from the experiment.

Unique Sub-World: The wild-west of cutting-edge technology

Previously Unexplored: The lives of the test subjects.

The Unknown: How the world and the families of the hosts react.

The Unseen: Defense Dept Conspiracy, Reporter Investigation

Unheard of Dangers: The side-effects of the experiment.

Reason to Explore It: Second chance at life

World: The wild-west of cutting-edge technology, where extraordinary breakthroughs can change lives, but the costs are high and unpredictable.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis has completed the BW Framework.

I learned that AI is a good tool for suggestions but I have to take them and put my own spin on them, make them my own.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Plot and Character Layers

What I learned from this assignment is that after struggling with it, I finally understood how layers change the surface layer into a new reality. I also found my AI assistant not as helpful for this lesson.

Assignment 1

Sample Show = The Walking Dead

Character Layers:

· On the surface, Shane is a protector. But his secret identity is a survivor at all costs, willing to sacrifice a partner on a mission to get out alive.

· On the surface, Shane is willing to back away from Lori and Carl when Rick returns. But underneath, he still wants a relationship with them, and reveals that, only to be turned down.

· On the surface, Darryl is poor white trash, a redneck, but his secret identity is that he is a compassionate, loyal man.

· On the surface, Lori is outspoken and determined, but her secret identity is that she’s a frightened and indecisive young girl.

· On the surface, Carol is a broken individual, an abused wife, but her secret identity is that she is made of steel.

· On the surface, Glenn is an ex-pizza delivery guy, but his secret identity is that he is a brilliant strategist.

· Andrea is the guilty older sister who wants to make it all up to Amy, especially by protecting her.

Plot Layers:

· Otis didn’t die because he told Shane to run ahead; Shane shot him so he would be bait for the zombie horde and Shane could get away.

· Shane contemplates, for a split-second, shooting Rick, his rival for Lori and Carl’s affections.

· Merle sawed off his own hand to get away from the zombies in Atlanta—he could still be alive.

· The CDC scientist has given up on finding a cure and wants to die and take Rick’s group with him.

· Survivors at a farmhouse turn out to be kind and helpful—at least, so far.

· In the pilot episode, Rick wakes up from his coma thinking something big has wiped out hundreds of people, but doesn’t know they are zombies until he’s saved by Morgan.

· The story is more than their group against the world, after they find Herschel, Maggie, Patricia and Otis in the farmhouse. Other survivors could be out there.

· Rick, Shane and Carl are admiring a deer in the woods, when out of nowhere, Carl is shot by a bullet that went through the deer.

· Dale betrays Andrea by forcing her to choose to live or otherwise he’ll die with her in the upcoming CDC explosion.

· Andrea, Dale, Carol, Darryl, T-Dog, Jacqui and Glenn must know Shane and Lori were together but no one tells Rick.

Assignment 2

PLOT SURFACE: A high-tech company has developed a consciousness transfer process whereby a person can transfer their consciousness to a brain-dead individual, with the permission of the family and a payment of $10 million. Four wealthy, elderly test subjects—dying owner Peter Barnett, scientist Diana Sagraves, ex-Senator Mark Ashburn, and cosmetics empire founder Suzanne Farrell—all pay for a second chance on life.

Layer 1: Consequences: the consciousness transfer process has unanticipated side-effects.

Layer 2: Hidden plan: Peter plans to cover up the unanticipated side effects to commercialize the process faster.

Layer 3: Conspiracy: Mark is working with the Defense Department to take over the project in the interests of “national security.”

Layer 4: Hidden Agenda: To avoid bankruptcy, Peter accelerated the project and has lied to his board about how many people he’s signed up.

Layer 5: Hidden Agenda: The Defense Department wants to transfer consciousnesses to living people so that young soldiers, CIA & FBI Agents can give up their bodies to their experienced counterparts.

Layer 6: Future Consequences: Diana discovers the true Defense Department goal and knows they’re lying about keeping a young host’s consciousness stored safely. She wants to stop them.

CHARACTER SURFACE: Diana is the neuroscientist who pioneered the consciousness transfer procedure. As a test subject, she is confident, determined, and always in control.

Layer 1: Hidden Character History: She had a passionate affair with the married Peter when he came aboard to fund her project in the early 1990’s.

Layer 2: Hidden Relationship: The husband of the brain-dead woman whose consciousness she replaced has fallen for her. She is tempted to respond.

Layer 3: Weakness: Morally flexible. She stole a colleague’s pioneering research on the consciousness transfer theory and patented the procedure to mask her scientific failures.

Layer 4: Wound: Her mother developed Alzheimers, driving her to do whatever she could to avoid losing her powerful mind.

Layer 5: Secret Identity: Double agent. She joins Mark in working with the Defense Department to find a way to shut them down.

CHARACTER SURFACE: Mark is the charismatic scion of a political family aiming to reclaim his Senate seat, and thus political power.

Layer 1: Hidden Character History: He married the woman who would be a good political wife and ended up with a loveless marriage.

Layer 2: Hidden Character History: As a Senator, he helped Peter avoid too much government regulation on the consciousness transfer project.

Layer 3: Hidden Agenda: He does not favor keeping the transfer process within a private company. He wants the Pentagon to take over, in the interests of national security.

Layer 4: Secret Identity: A spy. He has arranged for scientists to join the transfer project team and report back to the Pentagon.

Layer 5: Consequences: A side-effect of the transfer process is that he is now attracted to men.

CHARACTER SURFACE: Peter is a dying tech mogul who funded the consciousness transfer project, and is fueled by ambition and desperation.

Layer 1: Hidden Character History: He emotionally neglected his now-estranged daughter the whole time she was growing up.

Layer 2: Hidden Agenda: he must prove this procedure has worked perfectly so he can attract more investors and bring the product to market to stave off bankruptcy.

Layer 3: Consequences: As a side-effect of the transfer procedure, Peter is now a sex addict.

Layer 4: Wound: His father always thought he was inadequate because he wasn’t a devoted son. Those doubts surface as Peter struggles.

Layer 5: Secret Identity: He is a megalomaniac who would rather crater the consciousness transfer project than give up control to the Pentagon.

CHARACTER SURFACE: Suzanne is the founder of a cosmetics empire who regrets the work/life balance choices she made during her career.

Layer 1: Hidden Agenda: She seeks and finds the surviving family of her first, and only, love and is drawn to the grandson.

Layer 2: Competition: She undermines her son’s hold on her company by instigating a proxy fight “coup” with her talented employees.

Layer 3: Consequences: As a side-effect of the transfer procedure, Suzanne now has trouble containing her anger or aggression.

Layer 4: Weakness: Unforgiving. She won’t let the father of her love interest stand in their way.

Layer 5: Hidden Character History: She let her drug-addicted first husband die of an overdose without helping him.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Creating Irony!

What I learned in this assignment was that I already had some irony baked in, but a combination of brainstorming and my AI assistant added much more.

Assignment 1:

Sample Show: The Walking Dead

· Lori almost loses a child, and then finds she’s pregnant with another.

· In an apocalyptic world, Lori is going to bring forward new life.

· Rick’s best friend and deputy partner is the one who betrayed him with Lori.

· Shane saved Carl but had to kill Otis to do it.

· Shane lied about Otis’s death during the memorial when he was the one who intentionally killed Otis.

· Darryl was raised as a bigoted redneck but he has a heart of gold.

· Rick is the leader the group looks to but he would like to relinquish the job.

· Glenn is the former pizza delivery guy who is a strategist when it comes to getting in and out of zombie-infested locations.

· Dale was a terrible husband and father to his family but is a good parent figure to Andrea and Amy.

· Carl was admiring a deer in the wild when he was accidentally shot by Otis, who was hunting the deer.

· Other survivors can be more deadly than zombies.

· Shane is terrible at relationships but the best relationship he has had has been with his best friend’s wife when she thought Rick was dead.

· Andrea thinks she wants to die but she has a fierce will to live.

· Dr. Jenner at the CDC offered sanctuary to Rick and the group but he was really arranging to kill them all along with himself in a CDC explosion.

· Hershel believes in God and grace and forgiveness but he never forgave his father for being a cruel drunk.

· Shane looks like a savior to the group but in reality, he will do anything to survive, including kill innocents.

· Rick is worried about being a good father but he is a wonderful father.

Assignment 2:

Character Irony:

· Diana is a talented neuroscientist, but she built her reputation on stolen research.

· For Diana to attain respect in her profession, she has to give up honesty.

· Diana values control, but makes possible the chaotic experiment of consciousness transfer.

· Mark values loyalty, but he is the one betraying the project to the Defense Department.

· Peter is tremendously successful, but fears he is inadequate.

· Peter is careful about the big picture, but is careless about details.

· Suzanne wants a new family, but is undermining her old family.

· Suzanne wants to make up for past regrets, but she is still the ruthless businesswoman she always was.

· Suzanne is stoic and satisfied on the surface, but she’s deeply unsatisfied underneath.

· Suzanne wants to change to redeem herself, but she needs to accept who she really is.

Situational Irony

· Diana wants eternal youth and health, but is diagnosed with the Alzheimer’s gene.

· Diana wants eternal youth and health, but she’ll have to negate the experiment by transferring into another brain-dead host.

· Mark was heterosexual, but in his new host body he is attracted to men, threatening his carefully built reputation.

· Mark became young to fulfill his political ambitions, but the moral issues surrounding his rejuvenation may impede them.

· Peter covers up the unexpected physiological effects, but that cover-up undermines the project with the public.

· Suzanne seems to be helping her first love’s grandson platonically, but she is falling for him like she did for his grandfather.

· All the test subjects need to stick together, but they are torn apart by conflicting agendas.

· All the test subjects are youthful again, but they have old-fashioned attitudes and tech deficits.

· Dramatic Irony:

o Example: The audience knows about Diana and Peter’s past affair, while the other characters remain oblivious, creating tension and unexpected developments.

· Situational Irony:

o Example: Suzanne, seeking youth and love in her new body, discovers that her rejuvenated appearance brings unexpected challenges and complications.

· Verbal Irony:

o Example: Mark, advocating for the military’s involvement in the project, ironically remarks, “What could go wrong when the military is in control?”

· Irony of Fate:

o Example: Peter, desperate for financial redemption, faces unforeseen challenges that threaten the success of the project and his financial recovery.

· Character Irony:

o Example: Diana, the architect of the consciousness transfer, struggles with the unintended consequences of her own creation, highlighting the irony of her predicament.

· Moral Irony:

o Example: Suzanne, who seeks a fresh start in her rejuvenated body, is haunted by the moral implications of her past actions, revealing an ironic twist in her character arc.

· Cosmic Irony:

o Example: Despite their wealth and access to advanced technology, the characters find themselves facing unpredictable physiological effects and moral dilemmas, underscoring the cosmic irony of their situation.

· Situational Irony in Relationships:

o Example: Peter, striving for a new beginning, discovers that the success of the project strains his relationship with his estranged daughter, leading to unforeseen tensions.

· Irony in Goals:

o Example: Mark, pursuing a military takeover for power, inadvertently jeopardizes the very project he seeks to control, creating irony in his goals and actions.

· Layered Irony:

Example: Diana’s pursuit of a second chance through the consciousness transfer is ironically entangled with her past actions, creating a layered narrative that challenges her quest for redemption.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Open Loops

What I learned from this assignment was that I could ask ChatGPT to redo Open Loop Opportunities, assuming things were different from what AI assumed, and it would redo the entire section without my redoing the prompt.

Assignment 1:

Sample Show: The Walking Dead

Open Loops:

· Will Rick survive?

· Will Rick’s wife and son survive?

· Will the other characters survive?

· Will Rick find out about Lori and Shane’s affair?

· Who will win out for control of the group?

· Will Shane be able to give up pining for Lori and Carl?

· Will Lori’s marriage to Rick stay intact?

· Will the group find a safe haven, even if it’s only temporary?

· Will Rick be able to reach Morgan again?

· Is Merle alive or dead?

· Is Sophie alive or dead?

· Does the CDC have a cure for the zombie plague?

· Who will be the first characters to die?

· How did this zombie plague start (who was patient zero)?

Assignment 2

Open Loops Opportunities for Diana Sagraves:

GOALS:

1. New goals?

<ul type=”circle”>
1. Diana sets out to prove the success of her consciousness transfer experiment publicly, aiming to gain recognition and respect within the scientific community for her groundbreaking achievement.

2. Goals related to the big picture?

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2. Diana’s goals extend beyond personal success as she envisions transforming her experiment into a widely accepted and commercialized procedure, altering the landscape of aging and consciousness preservation.

3. Crushed goals?

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3. Unexpected challenges arise as Diana’s dream of widespread acceptance faces opposition from skeptics and ethical concerns, threatening to crush her ambition of revolutionizing the way society views consciousness and aging.

4. Competition/conflict around goals?

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4. Diana encounters resistance from rival scientists, skeptical colleagues, and ethical committees, leading to a fierce competition over the legitimacy and acceptance of her experiment, creating a high-stakes conflict with potential consequences for her scientific legacy.

CONSEQUENCES:

1. Are they going to be
   caught?

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1. Diana faces the looming possibility of her experiment’s side effects becoming public knowledge, putting her scientific reputation on the line and risking public outrage over the unforeseen consequences of consciousness transfer.

2. Problems created from past actions?

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2. The experimental nature of Diana’s consciousness transfer results in unforeseen challenges, creating problems that she must navigate, including potential backlash from the scientific community, ethical dilemmas, and the need to address the unexpected side effects.

3. Good plans gone wrong?

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3. Diana’s well-intentioned plan to revolutionize consciousness transfer takes a perilous turn as the side effects emerge, threatening to derail not only her scientific ambitions but also the lives of those involved in the experiment.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

1. What is the major problem
   for this character?

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1. Diana grapples with the major problem of salvaging her scientific reputation and mitigating the unintended consequences of her experiment, requiring her to find solutions that address the ethical, scientific, and personal dimensions of the unfolding crisis.

2. What are they trying to solve?

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2. Diana endeavors to solve the multifaceted problems arising from the experiment’s side effects, delving into the scientific complexities, ethical quandaries, and the challenge of managing public perception, all while striving to maintain the integrity of her groundbreaking work.

3. Major change imposed on character?

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3. A major change is imposed on Diana as she navigates the fallout from the experiment’s side effects, necessitating a shift in focus from scientific triumph to crisis management, ethics reassessment, and the potential redefinition of her goals and legacy.

RELATIONSHIPS:

1. Relationships in peril?

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1. Diana’s professional relationships are in peril as the scientific community questions the safety and legitimacy of her experiment, jeopardizing her standing among colleagues and mentors.

2. New relationships forming?

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2. Diana forms unexpected alliances with other scientists and researchers who, intrigued by the potential of her experiment, offer support and collaboration to address the challenges and consequences it presents.

3. Conflict inside relationships?

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3. Conflict arises within Diana’s relationships as colleagues and collaborators question the ethical implications of her experiment, testing the bonds of trust and alliance that were once built on scientific curiosity.

4. Relationships changing?

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4. Diana’s relationships undergo profound changes as she grapples with the fallout from her experiment, with some allies becoming critics and others evolving into unexpected allies, creating a dynamic shift in her professional network.

DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:

1. Can they survive X?

<ul type=”circle”>
1. Diana faces the existential threat of losing her standing in the scientific community, risking not only her career but also the potential widespread adoption of her consciousness transfer procedure if the emerging challenges are not navigated successfully.

2. Putting themselves in danger/making dangerous decisions?

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2. Diana makes dangerous decisions by navigating the scientific and ethical complexities of the experiment’s side effects, risking not only her professional reputation but also the lives and well-being of those involved in the ongoing procedure.

3. Who else is pulled into their danger?

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3. Diana inadvertently pulls her colleagues, collaborators, and the subjects of her experiment into the danger surrounding the side effects, amplifying the stakes and broadening the risks for everyone involved in the scientific and ethical quagmire.

4. Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?

<ul type=”circle”>
4. Diana grapples with internal dangers related to the unforeseen consequences of her experiment, confronting ethical dilemmas, questioning the impact of her work on humanity, and navigating the inner demons that arise as she strives to preserve her scientific legacy amidst the unfolding crisis.
5. <strong style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Open Loops Opportunities for Mark Ashburn:

6. GOALS:

   1. New goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Mark sets new political aspirations, aiming to leverage his rejuvenated body to launch a groundbreaking political career, but faces unexpected challenges as his past deeds come to light.
   2. Goals related to the big picture?
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   2. Mark’s political ambitions clash with the public’s perception of his rejuvenation, leading to a political battleground where ethical questions about the procedure and Mark’s intentions come to the forefront.
   3. Crushed goals?
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   3. Mark’s attempt to present a reformed image is crushed when a past scandal resurfaces, threatening to undo his carefully crafted public persona and jeopardize his political future.
   4. Competition/conflict around goals?
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   4. Mark faces intense competition from political rivals who exploit the controversy surrounding his rejuvenation, creating a political battleground where ethical concerns become a focal point.

   CONSEQUENCES:

   1. Are they going to be
      caught?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Mark grapples with the constant threat of exposure as investigative journalists and political opponents dig into the details of his rejuvenation, risking public outrage and the collapse of his political ambitions.
   2. Problems created from past actions?
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   2. Past political maneuvers and questionable decisions resurface, creating internal conflicts within Mark’s team and jeopardizing the support he needs for his political comeback.
   3. Good plans gone wrong?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Mark’s well-intentioned plan to use his rejuvenation for political reform faces unexpected challenges when his political opponents weaponize the public’s skepticism, turning his ambitions into a political nightmare.

   SOLVING PROBLEMS:

   1. What is the major problem
      for this character?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Mark faces the major problem of navigating the treacherous waters of politics, where the consequences of his past actions and the public’s reaction to his rejuvenation pose significant challenges to his political career.
   2. What are they trying to solve?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Mark strives to solve the mystery behind the resurfacing scandals and political attacks, uncovering a web of deceit and manipulation that threatens not only his political aspirations but also the stability of the entire experiment.
   3. Major change imposed on character?
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   3. A major change is imposed on Mark when he realizes that his rejuvenation not only challenges the norms of society but also forces him to confront the ethical implications of his decisions, leading to a personal and political transformation.

   RELATIONSHIPS:

   1. Relationships in peril?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Mark’s relationship with his political allies is in peril as the controversy surrounding his rejuvenation divides opinions within his inner circle, leading to betrayals and shifting loyalties.
   2. New relationships forming?
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   2. Mark forms new alliances with individuals who see the potential benefits of his rejuvenated leadership, creating unexpected alliances that may either bolster or undermine his political goals.
   3. Conflict inside relationships?
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   3. Conflict arises within Mark’s family as the public scrutiny affects his relationships with his spouse and children, testing the resilience of family bonds amidst the chaos of political and personal challenges.
   4. Relationships changing?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Mark’s relationships undergo profound changes as the truth about his rejuvenation becomes public knowledge, leading to shifts in public perception, personal dynamics, and the political landscape.

   DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:

   1. Can they survive X?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Mark faces the existential threat of losing not only his political aspirations but also his personal and family life if the public’s skepticism and political attacks escalate, pushing him to the brink of political and personal ruin.
   2. Putting themselves in danger/making dangerous decisions?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Mark makes dangerous decisions by attempting to navigate the volatile world of politics amid the controversy, risking not only his political career but also the stability of the memory transfer experiment and the lives of those involved.
   3. Who else is pulled into their danger?
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   3. Mark inadvertently pulls his political allies, family members, and even the company conducting the experiment into the danger surrounding his political and personal life, intensifying the stakes and broadening the risks.
   4. Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?
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   4. Mark grapples with internal dangers related to the moral implications of his political ambitions and the toll of living with the consequences of past actions, forcing him to confront his inner demons and the true cost of his decisions.

   Open Loops Opportunities for Peter Barnett:

   GOALS:

   1. New goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Peter sets a new goal to expand the memory transfer procedure globally, leading to conflicts with the company’s board and ethical questions about the potential consequences.
   2. Goals related to the big picture?
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   2. Peter’s goals become intricately tied to establishing a new world order where the memory transfer technology dictates power dynamics on a global scale.
   3. Crushed goals?
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   3. Peter faces a crushed goal when the initial rollout of the memory transfer procedure encounters unexpected complications, jeopardizing his vision for immediate global success.
   4. Competition/conflict around goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Intense competition arises as other tech companies attempt to replicate Peter’s memory transfer technology, leading to corporate espionage and a race to dominate the market.

   CONSEQUENCES:

   1. Are they going to be
      caught?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Peter grapples with the constant threat of exposure as investigative journalists dig into the ethical implications of the memory transfer project, risking legal consequences and public backlash.
   2. Problems created from past actions?
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   2. Past actions of securing funding through questionable channels resurface, creating legal and financial troubles that threaten to unravel Peter’s entire venture.
   3. Good plans gone wrong?
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   3. Peter’s well-intentioned plans to use the memory transfer for societal improvement go awry when unintended side effects lead to chaos and unrest, both within the company and society at large.

   SOLVING PROBLEMS:

   1. What is the major problem
      for this character?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Peter faces the major problem of ensuring the stability and success of the memory transfer procedure, dealing with technical glitches, public scrutiny, and internal dissent.
   2. What are they trying to solve?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Peter strives to solve the mystery behind the unanticipated physiological and psychological consequences of the memory transfer, aiming to salvage the project’s reputation and viability.
   3. Major change imposed on the character?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. A major change is imposed on Peter when he realizes the profound societal implications of memory transfer, forcing him to confront the ethical and philosophical consequences of playing with human consciousness.

   RELATIONSHIPS:

   1. Relationships in peril?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Peter’s relationship with key allies within the company is in peril as they question his decision-making and leadership, leading to internal power struggles.
   2. New relationships forming?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Peter forms new alliances with influential figures in politics and science, creating complex relationships that blur the lines between business, politics, and ethics.
   3. Conflict inside relationships?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Conflict arises within Peter’s personal life as the memory transfer project takes precedence over his relationships, leading to strained connections with friends and family.
   4. Relationships changing?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Peter’s relationship with his own humanity undergoes a transformation as he grapples with the consequences of playing god, leading to a personal journey of self-discovery and introspection.

   DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:

   1. Can they survive X?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Peter faces the existential threat of societal collapse if the memory transfer procedure’s flaws are not addressed, risking not only his reputation but also the stability of the world he envisions.
   2. Putting themselves in danger/making dangerous decisions?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Peter makes dangerous decisions by pushing the boundaries of the memory transfer technology, leading to unforeseen consequences that endanger not only himself but also the future of humanity.
   3. Who else is pulled into their danger?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Peter inadvertently pulls his loyal employees, collaborators, and the global population into the danger surrounding the memory transfer project, escalating the stakes and intensifying the risks.
   4. Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Peter grapples with internal dangers related to the ethical implications of manipulating memories, confronting his own inner demons and the toll of playing a godlike role in the lives of others.

7. Open Loops Opportunities for Suzanne Farrell:

   GOALS:

   1. New goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Suzanne embarks on a quest to find love and start a new family in her rejuvenated body, introducing a personal goal that conflicts with her corporate responsibilities.
   2. Goals related to the big picture?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Suzanne’s pursuit of love and family clashes with the power dynamics within her cosmetics empire, creating a complex interplay between personal fulfillment and professional obligations.
   3. Crushed goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Suzanne’s attempt to balance her personal desires with the demands of her corporate world faces challenges when her children vehemently oppose her new romantic relationship, putting her dream of a new family at risk.
   4. Competition/conflict around goals?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Suzanne encounters competition and conflict within her company as her children vie for control, complicating her quest for love and family amidst internal power struggles.

   CONSEQUENCES:

   1. Are they going to be
      caught?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Suzanne grapples with the consequences of her personal and professional worlds colliding, risking exposure of her romantic relationship with the grandson of her first love, potentially causing public scandal and internal strife.
   2. Problems created from past actions?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Past decisions and relationships resurface, creating internal conflicts within Suzanne’s company as her children exploit the situation, leading to corporate turmoil and the potential loss of her cosmetics empire.
   3. Good plans gone wrong?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Suzanne’s well-intentioned plan to bring her new love interest into her company for a genuine role leads to unexpected complications, threatening not only their budding relationship but also the stability of the entire company.

   SOLVING PROBLEMS:

   1. What is the major problem
      for this character?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Suzanne faces the major problem of reconciling her personal aspirations with the corporate challenges she encounters, as the collision of love, family, and business creates a web of problems that demand resolution.
   2. What are they trying to solve?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Suzanne strives to solve the intricate problems arising from her personal and professional life merging, unveiling a series of interconnected issues that demand her attention, strategy, and a delicate balance between love and corporate success.
   3. Major change imposed on character?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. A major change is imposed on Suzanne as she navigates the complexities of love and family while reshaping her company’s dynamics, forcing her to confront the consequences of intertwining her personal and professional spheres.

   RELATIONSHIPS:

   1. Relationships in peril?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Suzanne’s relationship with her children is in peril as they vehemently oppose her new romantic involvement, threatening not only family ties but also the stability of her cosmetics empire.
   2. New relationships forming?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Suzanne forms a new and significant relationship with the grandson of her first love, introducing a dynamic that creates both personal fulfillment and unexpected challenges within her professional life.
   3. Conflict inside relationships?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Conflict arises within Suzanne’s company as her children and corporate allies clash over the introduction of her new love interest, highlighting the tensions between personal happiness and corporate obligations.
   4. Relationships changing?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Suzanne’s relationships undergo profound changes as she attempts to balance the complexities of love, family, and business, leading to shifts in familial dynamics, corporate alliances, and the personal lives of those involved.

   DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:

   1. Can they survive X?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   1. Suzanne faces the existential threat of losing not only her cosmetics empire but also the chance for personal happiness and a new family if the conflicts between her personal and professional life escalate, pushing her to navigate a precarious balance.
   2. Putting themselves in danger/making dangerous decisions?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   2. Suzanne makes dangerous decisions by intertwining her personal and professional life, risking not only her own happiness and corporate stability but also pulling her new love interest and her children into the perilous consequences of her choices.
   3. Who else is pulled into their danger?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   3. Suzanne inadvertently pulls her new love interest, her children, and key figures in her company into the danger surrounding her attempts to balance love and business, amplifying the stakes and broadening the risks for everyone involved.
   4. Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?
   <ul type=”circle”>
   4. Suzanne grapples with internal dangers related to the emotional toll of navigating love, family, and business, forcing her to confront inner demons, past regrets, and the true cost of pursuing personal fulfillment in the corporate world.
   <ul type=”circle”>

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment #1: THE WALKING DEAD

Big Picture Mysteries:

· Why was Rick and Lori’s marriage in so much trouble before the Zombie Apocalpse?

· Why does Rick believe that he has to be responsible for everything and everyone, all the time?

· What kind of person is Shane, who would contemplate—even for a second—killing his partner Rick to re-insert himself with Lori and Carl?

· Why are Herschel and his daughters and Otis safe now?

· What are the backgrounds of Herschel and his daughters and Otis?

· How did Herschel’s family survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

· What really caused the Zombie Apocalypse?

Smaller Mysteries:

· Why is Darryl so different from his brother Merle?

· Why did Andrea lose her will to go on?

· How did T-Dog survive the Zombie Apocalpyse?

· What were the professions of Dane, Andrea, T-Dog, and Daryll before the Zombie Apocalypse?

[Phyllis Strong]

What I learned from this assignment was that AI gave me some open ended distress issues that got me thinking, and were less specific than what I came up with, but that’s all right, it’s food for thought. I thought AI gave me excellent answers on empathy.

Assignment 1

Sample Show: The Walking Dead

Big Picture

· Every character is in danger of losing his or her life.

· Rick might lose the family he cherishes.

· Shane is suffering because of his unrequited love for Lori and thwarted paternal love for Carl.

· Darryl has lost his brother.

· Andrea has lost her sister.

· Dane has irreparably severed his friendship with Andrea over forcing her not to end her life.

· Carol has lost her abusive husband, and feels guilt along with relief.

· After the CDC Explosion, Rick is losing faith in himself as a leader who can keep the group safe.

Episode Details

· Sophia has disappeared while Rick was trying to protect her from zombies.

· Rick has no choice but to leave Sophia so he can draw off the 2 zombies pursuing her.

· Lori is upset with Carol because she blames Rick for Sophia’s disappearance.

· The Winnebago’s radiator belt is broken and they’re exposed on a highway with a herd of walkers coming their way.

· Carl is shot.

· Does the group leave Sophia behind to save themselves?

Assignment 2

Distress for Each Lead Character:

Diana Sagraves: A. Undeserved misfortune: Diana faces backlash from the scientific community for her role in the controversial procedure, even though her intentions were to advance science. B. External character conflicts: She clashes with her colleagues who question the ethics of the experiment, creating professional and personal distress. C. Plot intruding on life: The constant pressure of perfecting the procedure disrupts Diana’s personal life, straining her relationships and causing emotional turmoil. D. Moral dilemmas: Diana grapples with the moral dilemma of erasing the consciousness of young individuals, causing internal distress and guilt. E. Forced decisions she’d never make: As the experiment progresses, Diana faces decisions she would never have imagined making, leading to distress as she confronts the consequences of her actions.

Mark Ashburn: A. Undeserved misfortune: Mark’s undeserved misfortune is losing his Senate seat due to advanced age, which creates a sense of injustice and fuels his desire to regain political power. B. External character conflicts: Mark’s conflict with fellow test subjects over the project’s goals and moral dilemmas results in distress as he faces opposition from his peers. C. Plot intruding on life: The project’s demands intrude on Mark’s personal life, causing distress as he struggles to balance his political ambitions and relationships. D. Moral dilemmas: Mark grapples with moral dilemmas related to the project’s implications, leading to internal turmoil and distress. E. Forced decisions he’d never make: The project forces Mark to make decisions he never envisioned, causing emotional distress as he confronts the ethical dilemmas of memory transfer.

Peter Barnett: A. Undeserved misfortune: Peter’s financial problems and desperation to be the next Steve Jobs create a sense of undeserved misfortune, driving him to take extreme measures. B. External character conflicts: His conflicts with Diana and the other test subjects over the procedure’s success and secrecy create distress as he faces opposition. C. Plot intruding on life: The urgency to make the procedure work fast disrupts Peter’s personal life, causing distress as he navigates his financial woes. D. Moral dilemmas: Peter’s involvement in the memory transfer experiment leads to moral dilemmas, causing inner distress and ethical questioning. E. Forced decisions he’d never make: The pressure to resolve his financial problems forces Peter to make decisions he’d never have considered, leading to emotional distress.

Suzanne Farrell: A. Undeserved misfortune: Suzanne’s lifetime of regrets and the desire for a do-over is a form of undeserved misfortune, leading her to seek a second chance at life. B. External character conflicts: Her involvement in the project and romantic relationship with the grandson of her first love create external conflicts that cause distress. C. Plot intruding on life: Suzanne’s pursuit of a new life disrupts her established cosmetic empire and leads to personal distress as she seeks a second chance. D. Moral dilemmas: Suzanne grapples with the moral dilemma of erasing the consciousness of young individuals to achieve her desired do-over, causing inner turmoil and distress. E. Forced decisions she’d never make: The project compels Suzanne to make life-altering decisions she never expected, leading to emotional distress as she confronts the consequences of her choices.

Empathy for Each Lead Character:

Diana Sagraves: A. Put them in distress: Diana’s distress stems from her ambition to perfect the procedure for the sake of scientific progress, making her relatable to those who strive for innovation. B. Make them relatable: Diana’s dedication to her work and the ethical dilemmas she faces make her a relatable character to those who value scientific exploration and face moral challenges. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Diana’s struggle with the consequences of her actions and ethical decisions resonates with audiences who grapple with the complexity of their choices.

Mark Ashburn: A. Put them in distress: Mark’s distress at losing his Senate seat and his desire to regain political power evoke empathy from viewers who understand the pain of setbacks. B. Make them relatable: Mark’s ambition and determination to reclaim his status in politics make him a relatable character for those who have faced career challenges. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Mark’s internal conflict and the pursuit of his political ambitions connect with the emotional experiences of ambition and resilience.

Peter Barnett: A. Put them in distress: Peter’s financial troubles and his aspiration to be a successful entrepreneur generate empathy from the audience who may have faced financial hardships. B. Make them relatable: Peter’s desire to achieve success and overcome financial difficulties is relatable to viewers who have encountered financial struggles and entrepreneurial aspirations. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Peter’s emotional journey of overcoming financial hurdles and striving for success resonates with those who have faced similar challenges.

Suzanne Farrell: A. Put them in distress: Suzanne’s desire for a second chance and her romantic relationship difficulties create empathy as viewers relate to the universal theme of seeking redemption and love. B. Make them relatable: Suzanne’s pursuit of a do-over and her quest for love make her a relatable character for those who value second chances and love in their own lives. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Suzanne’s emotional journey of seeking a new beginning and navigating romantic relationships taps into the universal experiences of love, regrets, and personal transformation.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Phyllis Strong. Reason: Redone to reflect the New Lesson 7 with AI
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Show Relationship Map

What I learned from this assignment is that I have to sharpen the conflict among my characters and I need to think more about their character arcs with each other over the season.

Assignment 1

Sample Show: The Walking Dead

Protagonist: Rick/Love Interest: Lori

• Surface: Marriage-Wife
• Common Ground: Marriage. Their son.
• Conflict: How to survive
• History: Troubled Marriage
• Subtext: Non- confrontational
• Relationship Arc: From estrangement to love

Protagonist: Rick/Partner: Shane

• Surface: Sheriff Partner
• Common Ground: Both protectors
• Conflict: In love with Rick’s wife Lori
• History: Close Friendship
• Subtext: Anger and Jealousy
• Relationship Arc: From friendship to antagonism

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Protagonist: Rick/Adversary: Darryl
<ul style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

• Surface: Adversaries
• Common Ground: Both have good instincts and are stubborn
• Conflict: Darryl’s more aggressive and impulsive
• History: Rick left Darryl’s brother to die in Atlanta
• Subtext: Grudging respect
• Relationship Arc: From adversaries to allies

Assignment 2

Diana Sagraves/Mark

• Surface: Antagonists during past Senate inquiries
• Common Ground: Ambitious, morally flexible
• Conflict: He’s impatient and she wants to go slow and correct the experiment’s unforeseen flaws
• History: She testified in front of his Senate Committee
• Subtext: Unresolved romantic interest
• Relationship Arc: From antagonism to a modicum of trust

Diana Sagraves/Peter

• Surface: Former colleagues
• Common Ground: Project success is most important
• Conflict: He wants to cover-up problems and she doesn’t care as long as they’re solving them
• History: Romantic relationship a long time ago
• Subtext: Mutual exploitation
• Relationship Arc: From wariness to conspirators

Diana Sagraves/Suzanne

• Surface: Fellow Test Subject
• Common Ground: Strong, talented
• Conflict: Suzanne doesn’t share Diana’s agenda of making the project’s success the first priority
• History: She was admired by Diana, from afar
• Subtext: Mutual respect
• Relationship Arc: From strangers to allies

Mark Ashburn/Peter

• Surface: Washington to Silicon Valley connections
• Common Ground: Ego-driven, controlling
• Conflict: He wants to serve his country, while Peter wants to make a fortune off the tech
• History: He helped Peter clear regulatory hurdles
• Subtext: Competition
• Relationship Arc: From cooperation to competition

Mark Ashburn/Suzanne

• Surface: Former Campaign Supporter
• Common Ground: Want a do-over, he as a politician, Suzanne as a wife and mother
• Conflict: He wants Suzanne’s help with his campaign
• History: Donated funds to his previous campaigns
• Subtext: Frustration
• Relationship Arc: From acquaintances to adversaries

Peter Barnett/Suzanne

• Surface: Philanthropic Connections
• Common Ground: Tops in their fields, driven
• Conflict: He doesn’t want Suzanne’s war with her children to lead to bad publicity for the project
• History: They’ve met at philanthropic events
• Subtext: Grudging respect
• Relationship Arc: From acquaintances to reluctant allies

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Phyllis Strong. Reason: Changed some relationships and arcs due to additional AI exploration

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Character Emotions

What I learned from this assignment is that the Billions and Breaking Bad examples gave me a good foundation to come up with my own internal struggles, but adding AI I got extensions and flashes of insight.

Assignment 1

Sample Show: The Walking Dead

Rick Grimes

· A. Hope: Find a Safe Haven. Fear: Losing his family.

· B. Want: Save himself and others. Need: family and belonging.

· C. Base Negative Emotion: Stubbornness/Public Mask: Calm.

· D. Weaknesses: Controlling.

· E. Triggers: Defiance, Violating law and order.

· F. Coping Mechanism: Keeps order.

Lori Grimes

· A. Hope: Do more than just survive. Fear: losing her son.

· B. Want: Safety. Need: strength.

· C. Base Negative Emotion: Passivity/Public Mask: Decisive.

· D. Weaknesses: Doesn’t know her own mind.

· E. Triggers: Constraints, Threat to her son.

· F. Coping Mechanism: Shuts down.

Assignment 2

Diana Sagraves

Hope: Diana hopes that she never grows old or sick, desiring the eternal youth and health provided by her own invention.

Fear: Her fear is that her past misdeeds will be exposed, potentially compromising her current status and the memory-consciousness transfer project.

Motivation: Want – Diana wants respect, especially within the scientific community.

Need: Her underlying need is for security, which drives her to make choices that protect her secrets and reputation.

Base Negative Emotion: Self-doubt is her base negative emotion, rooted in her past actions.

Public Mask: Diana masks her self-doubt with confidence, projecting an image of strength and determination.

Weakness: Her weakness is that she’s unscrupulous, willing to compromise ethics to protect her own interests.

Triggers: Disrespect and scrutiny are triggers for Diana’s internal struggles, causing her to react and make decisions that maintain her control.

Coping Mechanism: She copes with her internal struggles by seizing control of situations, using her unscrupulous nature to navigate challenges and maintain a sense of security.

Mark Ashburn

Hope: Mark hopes to be the U.S. President, and his ambition for political power drives his character.

Fear: His fear is losing political power and prestige, a potential downfall that he dreads.

Motivation: Want – Mark wants acclaim, seeking recognition and admiration from the public.

Need: His underlying need is to be accepted for who he is, warts and all, yearning for genuine connection beyond his public persona.

Base Negative Emotion: Resentment is his base negative emotion, stemming from his past experiences and personal ambitions.

Public Mask: Mark masks his resentment with affability and charisma, projecting a likable and charismatic image to the world.

Weakness: His weakness is that he’s superficial, often prioritizing appearances over substance.

Triggers: Mark’s triggers are people who tell him something can’t be done, challenging his ambitions, and individuals he deems as irrational or “nut jobs.”

Coping Mechanism: He copes with his internal struggles through wry humor and charm, using his affable personality to navigate challenges and maintain his public image.

Peter Barnett

Hope: Peter hopes to be as successful and famous as Steve Jobs, aspiring for greatness and recognition in the tech world.

Fear: His fear is that his father was right, and he’s not good enough, haunted by a sense of inadequacy.

Motivation: Want – Peter wants success, particularly financial success and fame, fueling his ambition.

Need: His underlying need is reassurance that he’s good enough, seeking validation and acceptance.

Base Negative Emotion: Insatiable is his base negative emotion, driving his relentless pursuit of success and more.

Public Mask: Peter masks his insatiable nature by appearing even-keeled and composed, concealing his inner drive for success.

Weakness: His weakness is he’s careless, sometimes overlooking critical details in his pursuit of his goals.

Triggers: Peter’s triggers are criticism and feeling ignored, which challenge his self-worth and ambition.

Coping Mechanism: He copes with his internal struggles by bulldozing over the opposition, using his ambition and determination to overcome challenges and secure success.

Suzanne Farrell

Hope: Suzanne hopes for a do-over in life, a chance to rectify past mistakes and regrets.

Fear: Her fear is that she will repeat her mistakes over and over, leading to an unending cycle of disappointment.

Motivation: Want – Suzanne wants to make up for her regrets, seeking to right the wrongs of her past.

Need: Her underlying need is self-acceptance, requiring her to reconcile with her past and her choices.

Base Negative Emotion: Regret is her base negative emotion, stemming from a lifetime of missed opportunities and mistakes.

Public Mask: Suzanne masks her regret by appearing satisfied with her life, maintaining a stoic front.

Weakness: Her weakness is that she tends to over-extend herself, trying to make up for lost time and opportunities.

Triggers: Suzanne’s triggers are disappointment and rejection, which evoke her deep-seated regret.

Coping Mechanism: She copes with her internal struggles by becoming stoic, projecting a strong and composed exterior while grappling with her past regrets and attempts at self-acceptance.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Layers of Character Intrigue

I learned from this assignment that as I got more specific with my prompts, even asking ChatGPT to replace the entire “Secrets,” for example, the AI assistant added context to my ideas. This was the best AI session yet.

Assignment 1

Example Show: The Walking Dead

· Character Name: Rick Grimes

· Role: Sheriff’s Deputy and Protector of his Group after the Zombie Apocalypse

· Hidden Agendas: To save his family above all else.

· Competition: With Shane for leadership of the group; with Daryl on their mission in Atlanta.

· Conspiracies:

· Secrets: he has a savage part that he keeps hidden.

· Deception: he keeps his terrible experiences with zombies and other survivor groups hidden from his family and others in his group.

· Wound: fear of abandonment, as evidenced when he (temporarily) loses his family.

· Secret Identity: Avenger

Assignment 2

Diana Sagraves:

Role: The pioneering scientist behind the memory-consciousness transfer project.

Hidden Agendas: Diana wants to perfect the transfer process in case she needs to use it again, creating a sense of personal urgency and a complex motive. When Peter started this project 30 years ago, Diana was romantically involved with him, adding personal history to her character.

Competition: She faces competition, especially from Lily Tileston, among other scientists within the company, who have their own ideas and ambitions regarding the project’s future.

Conspiracies: Diana becomes entangled in government and military conspiracies related to the project, uncovering hidden secrets that go beyond corporate interests.

Secrets: Early in her career, she stole the research and patented what became the basis of the transfer procedure to cover her own failures. She also knows that the consciousnesses of the young people they replaced are not stored anywhere—they’re gone, adding a layer of moral complexity.

Deception: Diana employs deception to safeguard the success of her project, using her knowledge and expertise to protect her innovations.

Wound: Her mother’s early Alzheimer’s drove her research and made her insecure about her future, adding a personal emotional layer to her character.

Secret Identity: An ordinary human who makes mistakes, making her a relatable and multidimensional character.

Mark Ashburn:

Role: The charismatic scion of a wealthy political dynasty, he’s a 40-year veteran of the Senate who lost his last election because of his advanced age, adding political depth to his character.

Hidden Agendas: Mark’s hidden agendas include ensuring that the transfer procedure project is carried out further by the Department of Defense and winning back his Senate seat at any cost.

Competition: His competition is to win back his Senate seat, a personal and political ambition that drives his character.

Conspiracies: He is conspiring with the Department of Defense to take over the transfer project for military and national security purposes, creating a layer of political intrigue.

Secrets: Mark harbors romantic feelings for Diana, and as a Senator, he arranged for indirect funding for Peter’s transfer project to keep himself, and thus the government, in the loop.

Deception: He is helping the military access the transfer project, using his political skills to ensure its involvement.

Wound: His wound is related to his upbringing; his grandfather and parents were too busy with politics to make much time for him as a child, adding a personal emotional layer to his character.

Secret Identity: A Spy, which unveils his hidden allegiance and role in the government’s political and military machinations.

Peter Barnett:

Role: The arrogant tech billionaire funding the experiment and a beneficiary of the transfer.

Hidden Agendas: Peter’s hidden agendas include scaling this project so more wealthy people can pay him huge fees to transfer their consciousnesses, and to reconnect with his estranged daughter.

Competition: His competition is the company’s Board of Directors, who have their own interests and questions about the project’s viability.

Conspiracies: Peter’s financial motivations create a sense of corporate intrigue and power struggles within the company.

Secrets: He has too much debt and needs the transfer procedure to work and be successful fast to resolve his financial problems.

Deception: He is lying to his board about how many wealthy individuals he has signed up for this transfer procedure in advance to secure their continued support.

Wound: His wound is rooted in his feeling of never being good enough for his father, which drives his relentless pursuit of power and success.

Secret Identity: A megalomaniac, driven by an insatiable appetite for wealth and influence, which shapes his character’s actions and moral boundaries.

Suzanne Farrell:

Role: The savvy founder of a cosmetics empire (think Estée Lauder) who, at 87, was merely a ceremonial figurehead. With a lifetime of regrets, she wants a do-over, seeking a second chance at life.

Hidden Agendas: Suzanne’s hidden agenda is to find a romantic partner and start a family she can spend time with, fulfilling a personal dream

.Competition: Her competition is her own children, who are vying for control of her company, creating a familial power struggle.

Conspiracies: She conspires with the next generation of talented employees (but not her children) to give them the reins of the company so she can step back when she has a new family, fostering an internal company coup.

Secrets: She’s falling in love with the grandson of her first love, adding a romantic and personal layer to her character.

Deception: She’s trying to hire her love interest so she can spend more time with him, blurring the lines between her personal and professional life.

Wound: She’s always been underestimated, adding depth to her character’s determination and desire for a fresh start.

Secret Identity: Wife and Mother, which reveals her hidden dreams and emotional complexity, as she yearns for personal fulfillment outside her business empire.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’s Engaging Main Characters

I learned doing this lesson that my AI assistant is geared toward vague conspiracies and moral quandaries and that I liked the answers I came up with myself, better. I may still not be communicating the concept as clearly and in as much detail as I should.

Assignment 1:

The Walking Dead

Rick Grimes

Role in the Show: Rick is a Sheriff’s deputy who is fighting to survive the zombie apocalypse while searching for his missing wife and son.

Unique Purpose/Expertise: He is a protector who is experienced with firearms and other weapons and keeps calm under pressure.

Intrigue: The Secret Below the Surface: Rick is a cool customer capable of killing without remorse.

Moral Issue: What Moral Boundaries is He Crossing: sacrifice a few so the many will survive.

Unpredictable: What Will They Do Next? What will Rick have to do to survive and protect his wife and son?

Empathy: Why Do We Care? Rick’s marriage was already falling apart and now his wife is sleeping with his best friend (which started because Lori thought Rick was dead).

Assignment 2:

1. Journey: Four incredibly wealthy elderly individuals pay vast sums to wipe the memories of four people in their 30’s and transfer the former’s memories and consciousness to the latter. It’s a veritable fountain of youth with the elderly inhabiting young, healthy bodies. But the procedure is experimental and each will have to deal with the moral impact, the unpredictable physiological effects, and the families of those they replaced.

2. Characters Who Sell this Show: Diana Sagraves (was 79, now 33), Mark Ashburn (was 81, now 34), Peter Barnett (was 68, now 34) and Suzanne Farrell (was 87, now 35)

3. Role in the Show

a. Diana: the brilliant neuroscientist who pioneered what became this procedure and with her health failing, wanted to be in the first, experimental group.

b. Mark: the charismatic scion of a wealthy political dynasty, he’s a 40-year veteran of the Senate who lost his last election because of his advanced age.

c. Peter: the arrogant tech mogul who was dying of cancer and accelerated the transfer project so that he could live on.

d. Suzanne: the savvy founder of a cosmetics empire (think Estée Lauder) who at 87 was merely a ceremonial figurehead. With a lifetime of regrets, she wants a do-over.

4. Unique Purpose/Expertise

a. Diana: Purpose: Make the procedure a success; Expertise: neurobiology and consciousness transfer technology.

b. Mark: Purpose: bring decades of experience back to politics; Expertise: political strategy.

c. Peter: Purpose: to live and keep conquering the tech world; Expertise: entrepreneurship.

d. Suzanne: Purpose: a second chance at a life; Expertise: running a business empire.

5. Intrigue

a. Diana: early in her career, she stole the research and patented what became the basis of the cure, to cover her own failures.

b. Mark: as a Senator, he secretly set up indirect funding for Peter’s venture so the government could use the transfer procedure for military purposes.

c. Peter: his estranged daughter was having an affair with the married young man whose body Peter transferred into.

d. Suzanne: as she tries to help the grandson of her first love, she finds herself falling for him.

6. Moral Issue

a. Diana: she blackmails the current scientist leading the project, who turns out to be the daughter of the scientist whose work she stole.

b. Mark: he considers taking money from a PAC led by a notorious right winger (think the Koch Brothers) to help finance his campaign.

c. Peter: he wants to make the transfer procedure a commercial success and hides the issues that come up.

d. Suzanne: she undermines her own son to lock up control of her business empire.

7. Unpredictable

a. Diana’s consciousness and memories are operating in a new body, and she has to deal with the family and friends of the woman she transferred into.

b. Mark’s consciousness and memories are operating in a new body, and he has to deal with those left behind.

c. Peter’s consciousness and memories are operating in a new body, and he has to deal with those left behind.

d. Suzanne’s consciousness and memories are operating in a new body, and she has to deal with the family and friends of the woman she transferred into.

8. Empathetic

a. Diana: she was overlooked and underfunded in the male-centric Silicon Valley of the 1990’s and 2000’s and aged out 20 years ago.

b. Mark: he had a loveless marriage with a wife selected for her political appeal; he’s a passionate defender of democracy.

c. Peter: he is a workaholic with an estranged daughter.

d. Suzanne: she regrets the choices she made about work/balance in her life.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is that AI lays out passable characters, but I preferred the ones I came up with on my own. However, when I added my one liners about all my characters, it came up with some interesting secrets and intrigue. It took a number of tweaks to get the characters’s roles down right, though.

Assignment #2 For The Untitled Memory Series

Main Character Circle

1. Mark Ashburn:

Unique Role: A politically-skilled retired Navy pilot who spent 40 years in the Senate but lost the last election due to his advanced age. Now, in his new 34-year-old body with Mark’s memories and consciousness, he becomes a central figure in the political maneuvering within the sub-world of the high-tech company. Mark’s political acumen and the wisdom acquired during his long tenure in the Senate are assets that he uses to navigate the complex world of the memory-consciousness transfer project.

Secret or Intrigue: Mark harbors a secret related to a classified government operation he was part of during his Senate years, which could have far-reaching consequences if revealed. This secret places him in a precarious position, torn between his loyalty to the project and the need to reveal the truth to the public.

2. Diana Sagraves:

Unique Role: The elderly pioneer of the memory and consciousness transfer experiment who was physically failing in her old body at age 79 but now inhabits a 33-year-old woman’s body with perfect health. She becomes instrumental in the development of the project within the high-tech company, using her newfound vitality to pursue breakthroughs and innovations.

Secret or Intrigue: Diana holds key knowledge about the true intentions behind the project and is conflicted about its moral implications. She is determined to expose the truth, but her own transformation complicates matters, adding an extra layer of intrigue and internal conflict to her character.

3. Peter Barnett:

Unique Role: An arrogant tech billionaire who single-handedly funds the memory-consciousness transfer experiment within the high-tech company. In his new 34-year-old body with his memories and consciousness, he is now cancer-free and in perfect health.

Secret or Intrigue: Peter’s hidden agenda revolves around a deeper, personal motive rather than his health. He is aware of a well-guarded, unethical experiment hidden within the memory-consciousness transfer project that has the potential to alter human behavior and consciousness on a global scale. Instead of saving his own life, Peter seeks to gain control of this technology to use it for personal gain and power, all while maintaining a facade of supporting the project’s altruistic goals. This scheme poses a significant threat to the project’s integrity and has moral implications that challenge the main characters.

4. Suzanne Farrell:

Unique Role: A prominent figure in the skin-care industry who has regrets and wishes to change her entire life. Her memories and consciousness have been transferred to a 35-year-old woman’s body.Secret or Intrigue: Suzanne harbors a dark secret from her past related to a scandal in her business that could have destroyed her reputation. She is determined to right her wrongs and rebuild her legacy, but this secret poses a significant threat to her newfound identity and the project’s integrity.

5. Paige Wilkerson:

Unique Role: A Warren Buffet type billionaire investor who is being overthrown by her family due to her advanced age. Her memories and consciousness have been transferred to a 34-year-old woman’s body.Secret or Intrigue: Paige holds a secret that could expose a web of corruption within her family’s business empire. As she seeks to regain control and navigate her new life, this secret could lead to shocking revelations and power struggles within her family and the project itself.

Connected Circle:

1. Lily Tileston:

The scientist most recently in charge of the memory and consciousness transfer experiment, she plays a pivotal role in overseeing the project’s development and safeguarding its secrets.

2. Eve Ramsey:

Struggling to accept her husband’s new identity, that of Peter Barnett, she embarks on a journey to bring back the man she loves, sparking a deeply emotional subplot.

3. Robin Cantelmo:

A company employee who begins to question the project’s true intentions, driving an internal conflict within the organization and raising questions about its morality.

4. Addy Novak:

A news reporter investigating the deaths of the five prominent elderly people and the transfer of their fortunes to strangers, unraveling the mystery behind this extraordinary event.

5. Josh Hennessy:

Diana Sagraves’ new love interest, facing the challenge of reconciling his relationship with the woman who now embodies the consciousness of the woman he had a failing marriage with.

6. Eric Delgado – A disgruntled ousted scientist from the company, now working with the family members of the young people who are now seeking to reverse their decisions, adding an element of opposition and conflict to the story

Environment Circle:

· High-Tech Employees

· Families of the above

· Families of the 5 young people who now hold the memories and consciousness of the elderly people

· News editors and producers

· Friends of the 5 young people who now hold the memories and consciousness of the elderly people

[Phyllis Strong]

Module 1, Lesson 2, Assignment 1

Phyllis’ The Walking Dead Character Circles

Main Character Circle:

Rick Grimes

Lori Grimes

Shane Walsh

Glenn Rhee

Connected Character Circle:

Carl Grimes

Dale Horvath

Andrea Harrison

Amy Harrison

Merle Dixon

Jacqui

Morales

Theodore “T-Dog” Douglas

Environment Circle:

Zombies

Lone Survivors

Groups of Survivors

Victims

[Phyllis Strong]

The Walking Dead 5 Star Model

· Big Hook: A wounded sheriff’s deputy awakens from a coma to find a post-apocalyptic landscape where thousands have died and scores of the dead have been re-animated as deadly, voracious zombies. He sets off on a quest to find his family.

· Intriguing Characters:

o RICK GRIMES, a dedicated sheriff’s deputy who has survived the zombie apocalypse, is calm in a crisis, resourceful, and has good survival instincts and skills. He also has a troubled marriage.

o LENNIE, a mysterious man with survival skills and a young son who doesn’t kill reflexively.

o LAURIE, Rick’s wife, is strong-willed and protective of her son. She believes Rick is dead and is involved with Shane.

o SHANE WALSH, Rick’s former deputy partner and best friend, is collegial and upbeat. He treats crises head on, with humor if appropriate.

· Empathy/Distress:

o Rick is shot.

o Rick wakes up alone in an abandoned, gory hospital.

o Rick stumbles out of the hospital to find hundreds of body bags.

o Rick has lost his family and has no clue where to find them.

o Rick might be mistakenly killed by Lennie.

o Lennie’s wife is now a zombie.

o Laurie thinks her husband is dead and worries about protecting her son.

o Shane is doing his best to keep the ragtag group of survivors safe.

o Lennie doesn’t have the heart to shoot his zombie wife.

o Rick is heading to Atlanta, which he thinks is a haven, and we know from Shane & Laurie’s group that it is overrun.

o Rick is set upon by a sea of zombies.

o Rick is kind-hearted in the Teaser, tries to help little girl before discovering she’s a zombie.

· Layers/Open Loops:

o Shane is having an affair with Laurie.

o Laurie and Carl are Rick’s wife and son.

o Lennie’s wife is a zombie.

o Rick is kind-hearted; kills one zombie out of mercy.

o Rick can improvise (ride a horse).

o Rick is taciturn.

o Plot Layer: in hospital, door that says “don’t open, dead inside” is first indication of zombies.

o Plot Layer: when Lennie asks what kind of wound, hints at what causes people to turn into zombies.

o Plot Layer: Lennie’s willingness to kill even after Rick is deemed healthy hints at the danger of other people, not just zombies.

o Rick is observant: photos and albums prove his wife and son were alive when they left.

o There’s a third gunmen in the criminals’ truck. Danger.

o Will Rick survive the overwhelming zombie attack in Atlanta?

o Will Rick find Laurie and Carl?

o Will Shane and Laurie find out Rick is alive?

o Will Shane, Laurie and their group survive?

o Will Lennie return in the story?

o Who is the mysterious voice on the tank radio?

o Is there a cure for the fever that kills and turns its victim into a zombie?

o How did the zombie apocalypse start (who was Patient Zero)?

· Inviting Obsession:

o The love triangle among Rick, Laurie and Shane.

o Will Rick survive the cliffhanger ending of the Pilot?

o Who will survive?

o How will the characters survive?

o Will Rick find his family?

What I learned from this assignment:

o A hook with high stakes draws you in immediately, because you want to know who will survive.

o Empathy and distress really made me care about the characters I was watching, and quickly.

o Life and death stakes invite obsession because you want to know if the main characters, and their circle, will survive.

o The main character’s many layers made him so intriguing I wanted to know him better, see how he would fare in the zombie apocalypse.

o That, on second viewing, I caught the deeper plot and character layers of the main characters.

[Phyllis Strong]

Hi all, I’m Phyllis Strong.

I’ve written 9 pilots and 1 feature (I’ve just finished outlining my 2nd).

I hope to learn to use AI to help my brainstorming of concepts, worlds, and solutions for the story problems I will encounter. I like the idea of AI being my writer’s room.

I love to travel, and up until Covid, I had visited 37 countries on 5 continents.

I took the Bingeworthy Class in 2022, it might have been BW16, but I’m not sure. I’ve also taken the Exceptional Scenes and Great Endings classes, but I don’t know if they’re even offered anymore.

[Phyllis Strong]

As a member of this group, I, Phyllis Strong, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Finished Wordsmithing!

From this assignment, I learned to take a deep dive into my script and lose unnecessary words (especially to eliminate widows and orphans) as well as making my descriptions as fluid as possible.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Amazing Description

I learned from this assignment that the occasional description of an emotion or state of mind adds to the meaning of the script. I also learned that reveals can be placed in description, increasing the places for reveals to occur.

Before:

Not Special Agent SASHA LAMBERT (30), a fierce and articulate defender of all things environmental. Her mission to protect the planet consumes her.

She’s conspicuously alone in her cubicle, keeping out the world via her over-the-ear headphones. Intently watching a press conference on her laptop.

After (Character Intro)

The only person alone in her cubicle is Special Agent SASHA LAMBERT (30), who’s practical, relentless, and a fierce defender of our planet. She always keeps the world at bay with her over-the-ear headphones.

Right now Sasha’s watching a press conference on her laptop. Thoroughly engrossed.

Before:

She hands Zack a thumb drive. He inserts it into his laptop. Photos of two tankers come up, along with falsified data showing they both spilled oil into the Puget Sound at roughly the same time Delia’s tanker did.

After (Reveal):

She hands Zack a thumb drive. Puzzled, he inserts it into his laptop. Photos of two oil tankers come up. Beside them, falsified data showing they both spilled oil into the Puget Sound at roughly the same time as Delia’s tanker.

Before:

An animated Duncan is chatting up the lone DEPUTY (20s, folksy) left guarding the house, which is surrounded by “CRIME SCENE” yellow tape.

After (Reveal)

Duncan is chatting up the lone DEPUTY (20s) left guarding the house, which is surrounded by “CRIME SCENE” yellow tape. No sign of fire damage, but the front entry looks like a small bulldozer went through it.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Great Introductions

What I learned from this assignment was to use situation more in my intro of characters and tone more in my intro of the sub-world. As for irony, I put some in, but still not sure how to add it if the situation I’m describing isn’t ironic.

Character Intros

I let more of Sasha’s actions speak for themselves. Previously I mentioned she was consumed by work, but in the scene with her mentor, that becomes obvious.

I liked Duncan’s introduction from the previous lessons, but I did try to play with it. I ended up going back to the original (before the brainstorm).

I added more descriptors of tone to the introduction of Delia, making her an engaging public speaker while venting her anger in private.

World Intros

I added more urgency, threat, and anticipation to the tone. My description changes from Lesson 12 had already made huge improvements to this intro.

Irony

I added irony in one description of Sasha to communicate her downfall even more strongly. I deepened the irony of Sasha celebrating alone while her colleagues are holding a birthday party that she hasn’t been invited to. Also, the reveal that the activist billionaire and the Petroleum company CEO are brother and sister is ironic.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Description 1

What I learned from this assignment is that visualizing the scene really helps make the scene description more active and vivid.

Before:

HALLORAN, a rugged, retired fireman (late 40s) is hosing down one side of his rustic house. His brother CALEB (mid 40s) is on the roof, hosing it down. Their wives, BETTY and SUE (both early 40s), are reading an official Twitter feed on their phones about a raging wildfire.

After:

HALLORAN (40s), a rugged, retired fireman, clutches his high-powered firehose, urgently soaking one side of his house. His brother CALEB is on the roof, doing the same.

Their wives, BETTY and SUE, huddle anxiously over their phones, scanning an official Twitter feed about a raging wildfire coming their way.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Before:

Over this, CAMERA FINDS the windows framing both sides of the entry door. Through them, a bifurcated view of a large armor-backed insecto-reptilian CREATURE. His eyes seem to be following the action inside.

After:

ANGLE THROUGH PICTURE WINDOW

Outside stands a menacing, armor-skinned INSECTO-REPTILIAN CREATURE.

Before:

They’re interrupted by THUDS as the entry door buckles.

HALLORAN

What the–

All four look toward the door as we HEAR the wood SPLINTER OPEN. OFF their startled, terrified looks…

After:

They’re interrupted by a tremendous THUD and the SOUND of the wooden entry door SPLINTERING OPEN. All heads turn toward the door.

OFF the terrified faces of the four adults…

Before:

Sasha comes up to him, throws her arms around him.

After:

Sasha comes up, throws her arms around his neck, pressing against him.

Before:

Duncan is hitting against a tennis ball machine, drilling the balls over the net in an attempt to curb his frustration over how his “investigating” went.

His lawyer, LUCAS FINLEY (40s, low-key) comes up, taking note of the wallop of each ball as it comes off Duncan’s racket.

After:

A tennis ball machine fires a ball across the net. WHAM! Duncan returns it with a wallop. Powered by his frustration over his “investigating” debacle.

His lawyer, LUCAS FINLEY (40s, low-key) comes up. Duncan continues drilling balls over the net.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Great Dialogue

I learned from this assignment that brainstorming with the different dialogue strategies was very powerful. I learned that most lines can be elevated. It’s also a useful exercise if you try alternatives and then go back to your original.

Five Best Examples

Sequence 1 – Before

NORRIS

(re: hoses)

Y’think that’s gonna be enough?

HALLORAN

I used to fight these things, remember?

NORRIS

They’re saying to evacuate.

HALLORAN

I’m not leaving my house unprotected.

Sequence 1 – After (Using Setup/Payoff and Ironic dialogue)

NORRIS

Hey guys, what’re you still doin’ here?

CALEB

What does it look like?

NORRIS

Like David’s making a last stand against Goliath.

HALLORAN

Didn’t David win?

Line 2 – Before

MANNING

Tell me again how you did it.

Line 2 – After (Using Character Profile and Anticipatory Dialogue)

MANNING

Now I don’t want you getting a swelled head, but the Director’s asking how you did it.

Line 3 – Before

LOBBYIST

My kids hate me.

Line 3 – After (Using Setup/Payoff and Ironic Dialogue)

LOBBYIST

Teenagers oughta come with warning labels. Mine hate me.

Line 4 – Before

ZACK

Don’t you get tired of never going out?

Line 4 – After (Using Ironic Dialogue and Subtext)

ZACK

It’d be nice to make it past the front door one of these nights.

Line 5 – Before

SASHA

He’s the black sheep. Holds the same opinion of his sister as I do.

Line 5 – After (Using Character Profile and Anticipatory Dialogue)

SASHA

He’s the black sheep, fighting against everything his sister stands for.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 7-8

I learned from this assignment that dialogue as action works well with high-conflict arguments and fights. I also learned that subtext is broader than I first imagined, and the cover-up brainstorming strategies were extremely helpful.

Before:

DUNCAN

Sorry. I don’t do that anymore.

After (Subtext)

DUNCAN

Sorry. I’m not in that business anymore.

Before:

ZACK

Don’t you get tired of never going out?

After (Subtext)

ZACK

It’d be nice to make it past the front door one of these nights.

Before:

ZACK

Trying it on for size. Whaddya think?

SASHA

That’s not what we’re about.

After (Subtext)

ZACK

Trying it on for size. Whaddya think?

SASHA

It’s not a good look.

Before:

COLLINS

Not so far. Best they’ll probably come up with is some transient.

(beat)

I think it could be something that kills like a blowtorch, but isn’t.

After (Dialogue as Action)

COLLINS

So far, a few transients. Won’t go anywhere.

(beat)

You gotta think outside the box.

Before:

DUNCAN

Don’t you have anything better to do than poke around in my business?

After (Subtext)

DUNCAN

I thought we were past you spying on me.

Before:

DUNCAN

Beyond recognition?

NORRIS

No they looked like themselves. And they were sitting around the table… spaghetti still on their plates.

DUNCAN

Can you tell me, were they gesturing? Like their hands, were they in a defensive position–

After (Dialogue as Action)

DUNCAN

Was the skin charred or did it look dark red and leathery?

NORRIS

It was spooky how much they looked like themselves. And they were sitting around the table… spaghetti still on their plates.

DUNCAN

Were their hands in a defensive position?

Before:

DUNCAN

Okay, but how am I gonna get information if I can’t pay people for it?

After (Subtext)

DUNCAN

It’s gonna be a red flag when I go in to investigate.

Before:

DUNCAN

You haven’t been looking out for me for a long, long time.

After (Subtext)

DUNCAN

Please, you haven’t done that for decades.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Phyllis Strong.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 3-5

I learned from this assignment that the dialogue in my script already had a lot of setup/payoff and anticipatory dialogue, but could use more ironic dialogue.

Setup/Payoff

#1 (After)

DELIA

We’re not quite there.

DELIA

It doesn’t matter. Sooner or later she’ll find something that sticks. And then it’ll be too late.

#2 (After)

ZACK

But Sasha. It’ll ruin her.

MANNING

I’ll need your badge and your gun.

Anticipatory Dialogue

#1 (After)

DELIA

This apple decided to run as far away from that tree as she possibly could.

(beat)

Now what are we going to do about her?

#2 (After)

DELIA

I’m sorry you feel that way, but I am worried.

(softer)

You’re seeing them again, aren’t you? Just like ten years ago.

Ironic Dialogue

#1 (After) Words opposite Words

DELIA

Don’t get me wrong, Duncan, I’m always glad to see you. But it is a busy time–

#2 (After) Words Opposite Action

DUNCAN

Are you really gonna waste your time going after every P.I. I talk to?

DELIA

It’s not a waste if I’m looking out for you.

#3 (After) Words Opposite Character

SASHA

Hey, mom.

TRISH (O.C.)

What’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.

SASHA

I’m fine. How’re you?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Dialogue 1 & 2

What I learned doing this assignment was that attack/counterattack improved the scenes in which two characters were just agreeing with each other while I got the necessary part of the story out. I also learned that double-checking my dialogue against the Character Profile was a useful exercise.

INT. BARNES’ OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER – BEFORE

Sasha is wasting no time ignoring Manning’s advice.

SASHA

I know you’re as disappointed as I am.

BARNES

All those hours.

SASHA

What a shame to let it all go to waste.

BARNES

What do you need from me?

SASHA

Can you subpoena Zack’s bank records?

BARNES

Sure. But even if he has a large deposit in his account, Delia will have covered her tracks. It won’t be immediately traceable.

SASHA

Gotta start somewhere.

INT. BARNES’ OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER – AFTER

Sasha is wasting no time ignoring Manning’s advice.

SASHA

I know you’re as disappointed as I am.

BARNES

I wouldn’t say that.

SASHA

But all those hours–

BARNES

And we got a great settlement. Now I can get my life back.

SASHA

And this isn’t gonna interfere with that. I just need a subpoena for Zack’s bank records.

BARNES

Y’know, even if you find a large deposit, Price will have already covered their tracks. It’ll be tough to trace.

SASHA

Gotta start somewhere.

BARNES

Okay. But I’m gonna send all the nasty calls straight to you.

SASHA

Good. Means we’ve hit a nerve.

BARNES

You like pissing people off, don’t you?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Completed P/S Grid #2

I learned from this assignment a variety of ways to strengthen character and scene work. I was a little less sure of myself with turning exposition into reveals, but hope that will come with time.

I strengthened Delia’s intro by adding a cover for her true goal.

I made the audience care more for Reese by putting her in an emotional dilemma with Sasha’s firing.

I made the audience care more about Finley because he cares about Duncan’s welfare, and not just his money.

I strengthened my antagonist, Delia by giving her an intriguing layer that she might care for her brother after all.

I added more depth to the character of Sasha’s boss, making her a mentor who would be cruelly disappointed by Sasha’s betrayal.

I strengthened one weak scene, in which Duncan is jailed, by raising the stakes. I strengthened the Sasha-Zack scenes by increasing the conflict and adding the irony.

I turned a brief talking scene into one that challenged Delia’s goal to win against Sasha.

I had every scene with Sasha’s mom be a situation that challenged Sasha’s goal, need or wound.

I revealed exposition about Sasha’s father through a reveal that Delia had built up an entire dossier about Sasha, to destroy her.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Completed P/S Grid #1

I learned from this assignment that if I went through the problems on the grid, and even put down my existing scenes or structure, I got good insight to where I could improve my script.

I strengthened my Teaser by making my creature must more scary in its description.

I strengthened the conflict between my protagonists and the creatures by making the creatures more threatening (out to kill us) and thus upping the stakes.

I am wondering if my B story midpoint is strong enough but I don’t have a solution for that yet so I’ll return to it.

I strengthened Duncan’s transformational journey by upping the stakes — that he might lose his freedom and money if the journey doesn’t work out.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Finished Acts 4 + 5

I had some trouble putting necessary exposition in the draft in an interesting way, but other than that, I finished off the draft at high speed.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 3

I learned from this assignment that even though I am questioning whether my turning points are strong enough, I can just keep going and worry about that later. The speed writing is really working for me.

Rule 1: C. I’m not finding this rule relevant to my process.

Rule 2: A.

Rule 3: A.

Rule 4. B. Still have to work on this one.

Rule 5: A.

Rule 6: B. Getting better, but not an A yet.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 2

I learned from this assignment that Act 1 wasn’t a fluke — I’m writing faster than I ever have before. I do have to work on leaving a scene behind without editing bits. Also, I found that my outline occasionally necessitated more “blocking” than I had anticipated.

Rule 1: C. Flying through the draft has been encouragement enough.

Rule 2: A.

Rule 3: A

Rule 4: B. This is a hard one for me. I hate holes.

Rule 5: A. This has been my breakthrough on this script.

Rule 6: B. See Rule 4.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Finished Act 1 First Draft

To echo several previous posts, I learned that my fully prepared outline makes it easy to go from description to scenes. I wrote my Act 1 in a day. It really flowed.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ High Speed Writing

From this assignment I learned (like Marcus) that all the weeks that went into the development and pitch, culminating in the outline, made me go faster than I ever have before. My teaser sets up a mystery (open loop) that my protagonists will have to solve. It’s only 2 pages. But my Teaser + Act One is 16 pages so I guess you could consider T+A1 the overall Teaser that sets everything up.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Outline with Intrigue

I learned from this assignment that identifying the main intrigue and the sub-intrigue made me much more confident about my outline.

FOOL’S ERRAND

Outline

TEASER

EXT. SONOMA COUNTY, CA – RUSTIC HOUSE – DAY – Imminent Threat

A rugged retired fireman and his brother are hosing down his house to save it from a wildfire raging miles away. A pickup filled with personal belongings comes up. Their neighbor tries to convince them to evacuate, but it’s not mandatory. The two men and their wives refuse to leave.

· E/D: Rugged man is trying to save his house from a wildfire.

· OL: Will the house burn down?

· OL: What will happen to the people if the wildfire reaches their house?

· Irony: The Rugged Man is a retired firefighter who should know how dangerous it is to be in the path of a wildfire.

· Setup: The outcome for these people is tenuous.

INT./EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – EVENING – Imminent Threat

The four adults are eating dinner when they get the alert that the fire won’t break through to their area. Relief lightens the mood. They don’t notice that, up against the window, a large reptilian eye is peering in! A few moments later, the door is battered down, splintering in half. OFF the startled, terrified looks of the four adults.

· E/D: a creature is outside the window!

· Irony: the people are in danger, but not from a wildfire.

· OL: what is the fate of the people?

· Setup: Duncan will be investigating this case, first alone and then with Sasha.

ACT 1

EXT. EPA HEADQUARTERS (ESTABLISHING) – DAY

Marble columns and towering arched entryways adorn the headquarters of the Environmental Protection Agency, Washington, D.C.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – CONTINUOUS – Intriguing World

A collegial atmosphere, with people floating from one cubicle to another, or talking by the coffee machine. Not SASHA LAMBERT. She’s alone in her cubicle, wearing an over-the-ear headset, watching a press conference on her laptop. Special agent JONAH VARICK, in his EPA jacket, comes up to her, taps her on the shoulder. Without turning, puts up her finger—one sec. We PUSH IN on the laptop screen showing Price Petroleum CEO DELIA PRICE declaring that the charges are unfounded and they will fight in court. Press conference over, Sasha turns her attention to Varick. The boss wants to see her. As she leaves, Varick mutters under-his-breath: fucking teacher’s pet.

· Mystery: Why is Sasha so interested in Delia’s press conference?

· Mystery: What did Price Petroleum do to incur the charges Delia is dismissing?

· Mystery: Why is Sasha considered the teacher’s pet?

· E/D: Varick is jealous of Sasha.

· OL: Is Sasha always alone in the midst of this collegial office?

· Setup: Sasha is a superstar in the CID.

EXT. PRICE PETROLEUM BUILDING – CONTINUOUS – Conspiracy

As Delia walks away from the microphones, she tells her lawyer, TOM SULLIVAN, to open up a backchannel with the DOJ.

· Mystery: Has Delia dealt with a backchannel to the DOJ before, over different charges?

· Open Loop: What will Delia accomplish with this backchannel?

· Setup: Delia will screw over Sasha.

INT. EPA SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE OFFICE – DAY – Intriguing World

Her boss (and mentor) AUDREY MANNING is expressing wonder at how Sasha got Price on a criminal indictment. She confirms Sasha will receive a pay bump and, best of all, an office. Manning asks her how she’s going to celebrate. And please, take time to savor this career-making moment.

· Mystery: was Sasha just good in getting the indictment, or did she cross a line?

· OL: Will Sasha continue working so hard and neglect her social life?

· E/D: Sasha never takes time to celebrate her victories, she just keeps working.

· Payoff: Sasha is a superstar in the CID.

· Setup: Questions will surface about Sasha’s integrity regarding this breakthrough indictment.

EXT. PRIVATE GOLF COURSE – TEEING AREA – DAY – Intriguing World

DUNCAN PRICE, who is sponsoring this golfing event to raise funds to clean up oil spills, charms a wealthy lobbyist into giving more for the cause. The lobbyist asks if Duncan can get him tickets to the next Superbowl and he says he doesn’t do that anymore. He greets his team for today’s tournament—a Senator, a media mogul, and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. He goes first, teeing off with a magnificent drive. Then he challenges the other players to double their contributions if his team wins the charity tournament.

· Mystery: Why doesn’t he get donors Superbowl tickets anymore?

· Setup: Duncan’s high-level relationships will be crucial to his investigations.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – EARLY EVENING – Wound

Sasha asks ELI BARNES, the lawyer, and MADDY REESE, the forensics expert she has been working with closely to join her for a celebratory drink for their case. Reese has to get home to her kids, Barnes has plans. Some other day, maybe. She then asks other colleagues to join her and her friends (she’s lying about the friends), but they all have excuses.

· Mystery: Why is Sasha having so much trouble getting colleagues to celebrate with her?

· OL: What is Sasha going to do when everyone turns her down?

· E/D: Sasha has no one to celebrate with.

· Setup: Her wound that comes from her father’s abandonment, that leads to her flaw of keeping people at arms-length.

INT. WASHINGTON D.C. BAR – NIGHT – Deception

Sasha is having a drink on her own. She toasts: “well, Dad, I did it. Here’s to you, wherever the fuck you are.” She hears a birthday celebration at one of the tables. It’s her colleagues from work, including Barnes, and the guest of honor is Varick. After a beat, she calls up Zack, her “friend with benefits” and tells him to meet her at her place.

· Mystery: Why is Sasha toasting her Dad?

· Mystery: Why doesn’t Sasha know where he is?

· OL: Where is Sasha’s father?

· E/D: Sasha is left out of her colleague’s birthday celebration.

· Irony: Sasha wanted to celebrate and she was left out of the real celebration happening that night.

· Setup: Sasha’s “friends with benefits” arrangement with Zack.

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION (ESTABLISHING) – NIGHT

A magnificent Tudor mansion with pool and tennis court.

INT. DUNCAN’S UNDERGROUND SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT – Secret Identity

Duncan, armed with a pistol, finishes shooting at the target. Mediocre results. He calls COLLINS, his private investigator, to have him look into the suspicious deaths in Sonoma that we saw in the Teaser. After the call, Collins calls someone else to report the conversation.

· Mystery: Why does Duncan need or want a gun?

· Payoff: Duncan is interested in the deadly event in the Teaser.

· E/D: Collins is betraying Duncan.

· OL: Who is Collins reporting to?

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – LIVING AREA – NIGHT – Hidden Layer

Neat, orderly, with tasteful furniture that looks expensive. ZACK REILAND, an up-and-coming lawyer at the Department of Justice (DOJ), is the one prosecuting the indictment—that’s how they met. Their physical chemistry is palpable. Zack’s brought a bottle of champagne and made reservations at a swanky late-night hot spot to celebrate. Sasha doesn’t feel like going out. And when Zack tries to get a real conversation going, Sasha seduces him instead. They have dynamite sex.

· E/D: Sasha ignores Zack’s romantic gestures of champagne and reservations, and his wanting more than small talk.

· OL: Will Sasha’s entanglement with Zack affect the indictment?

· Mystery: Why does Sasha only want a “friend with benefits”?

INT. SASHA’S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING – Hidden Layer

Zack is still sleeping. Sasha picks up his clothes scattered over the room, puts them on a nearby chair. She rouses him gently. He awakens, wants her back in bed. She nearly succumbs, but then pulls back. Zack protests that it’s the weekend. Doesn’t matter, Sasha has to get to the gym and run errands. He offers to come with, but Sasha says that’s not what they’re about. Zack doesn’t move. Starts a fight, with the subtext that he is hurt that she never wants to spend time with him outside her apartment. Sasha strips off the covers, shoves his clothes at him, and kicks him out of the bedroom. A beat later, we hear the front door slam shut.

· E/D: Sasha is ignoring Zack’s feelings.

· Mystery: Why is Sasha so adamant about rejecting Zack’s efforts to get closer?

· OL: What will happen to Sasha and Zack next?

· Setup: Zack will betray Sasha.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – A FEW DAYS LATER – Secret

Collins is delivering a standard report. Duncan’s frustrated. Collins presses for more details, including a subtle inquiry about the possibility some kind of animal, or unknown creature, is involved. Now Duncan knows he’s working for his sister, and fires Collins.

· E/D: Duncan is not getting his money’s worth from Collins.

· E/D: Collins is betraying Duncan to his sister.

· Mystery: Why is Collins probing about animals and creatures?

· Irony: Collins is right—Duncan is interested in finding creatures.

· Setup: Delia knows something about Duncan’s obsession with creatures.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – SHORT TIME LATER – Secret Identity

A command center with screens. A training area nearby. Duncan is staring at a wall covered in corkboard, with articles and photos of suspicious deaths, as well as renderings of what could be creatures pinned to it. He calls his sister to complain about Collins and we realize it’s Delia. She’s in a great mood…

· Mystery: What is Duncan doing with the sophisticated technology, a training area, and info about suspicious deaths?

· OL: How will he use all of the above going forward?

· Irony: Duncan’s sister turns out to be Delia.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – DAY – Conspiracy

Sasha is preparing to go out into the field, strapping on her weapon and putting on her EPA jacket. Manning intercepts her, carrying infuriating news: Price Petroleum has reached a settlement with the DOJ. Sasha calls Zack, and it goes straight to voicemail. Texts him, no response.

· E/D: Sasha’s career-making indictment is history.

· Mystery: How did the criminal indictment get converted into a settlement?

· OL: is Delia involved?

· OL: What will happen with Sasha’s promotion and office?

· OL: Will Sasha get in any trouble because of her relationship with Zack?

INT. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE – ZACK’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS – Conspiracy

Zack is looking at his phone with Sasha’s text. He deletes Sasha from his contacts, blocks her number.

· OL: Will Zack’s betrayal succeed?

· Payoff: Zack paid back Sasha for rejecting him after he fell for her.

ACT 2

EXT. ZACK’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT – Conspiracy

Sasha is across the street. A stakeout. As Zack approaches, she races up to him, asking loudly how Delia got to him. Is he doing it for money, maybe a lobbyist position for oil and gas? Embarrassed, Zack ushers her inside.

· Mystery: Did Zack get anything in exchange for granting a settlement?

· E/D: Sasha didn’t deserve to lose the indictment to a backroom deal.

· Irony: For the first time, Zack has the upper hand.

INT. ZACK’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER – Hidden Layer

Sasha starts urging Zack to reconsider, all the while trying to keep her anger in check. Does he realize what this prosecution could mean to holding fossil fuel companies accountable for their actions? Zack tells her the problem is on her end—the evidence just wasn’t strong enough. Hell hath no fury like Sasha when it comes to how she does her job protecting the environment. The subtext of the fight is that she didn’t let him get close.

· Mystery: What is the deeper, emotional reason that Zack betrayed Sasha?

· E/D: Zack accusing Sasha of not providing strong enough evidence hits her sense of self-worth hard.

· OL: is this the end for Zack and Sasha?

· Irony: Sasha’s flaw of not letting people get close led to her downfall.

INT. EPA – MANNING’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY – Strange Behavior

Sasha asks Manning for a minute. She thinks Delia and Zack were colluding and if she brings it to light, the settlement will be voided. And, if she’s lucky, they’ll both face blowback. Manning warns her that accusing Delia and Zack of collusion will be tough to prove. She should take the win and move on.

· OL: Will Sasha take her mentor’s advice?

· OL: Can Sasha prove that Delia and Zack are colluding?

· Setup: Sasha is sowing the seeds of her own downfall.

INT. EPA – BARNES’ OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER – Conspiracy

Sasha is with Barnes, the lawyer who has been on the Price case with her. She appeals to his disappointment and insists that Delia had to have gotten to Zack somehow. It’s a long shot, but maybe Zack recently received a large deposit. Even if it’s not immediately traceable to Delia, it will be a start. Barnes agrees to subpoena Zack’s bank records.

· OL: What will happen when Manning finds out Sasha’s going ahead trying to prove collusion, behind her back?

· OL: What will Sasha find in the bank records?

· Irony: Sasha is getting deeper into trouble with every step.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LAIR – DAY – Secret Identity

The screens show Google Earth-type details of the Sonoma wildfire area. Duncan is on the phone with the Secretary of the Interior, asking for permission to go to the wildfire zone, now that it’s 50% contained. As he talks, he magnifies the images and we see an aerial view of the rustic house from the Teaser. Duncan makes a final, humorous appeal but we don’t hear the answer.

· Mystery: What caused Duncan’s obsessions with suspicious deaths like the one in the Teaser?

· OL: What will happen when Duncan tries to investigate, instead of a professional?

· Irony: Duncan’s personality—his impulsiveness, openness and lack of practical skills—makes him a poor choice to investigate suspicious deaths.

· Payoff: Duncan’s personal relationships with powerful people is crucial to feeding his obsession.

EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – NEXT DAY – Secret Identity

Duncan is chatting up the lone deputy left guarding the house, which is marked with “CRIME SCENE” yellow tape. He’s trying to get as much information as possible without giving too much away about himself. Duncan is too open, as is his style, but he does trick the deputy into revealing which neighbor found the bodies.

· Mystery: What does the deputy know?

· Irony: Duncan is terrible about keeping personal info to himself.

· OL: How will this line of questioning lead him to the creature we saw in the Teaser.

EXT./INT. MODEST HOUSE – SHORT TIME LATER – Secret Identity

Duncan presents himself to NORRIS, the man who found the victims, as an environmentalist seeking answers. He pushes hard on what condition the bodies were in, the splintered door, anything unusual. Norris becomes increasingly wary and asks exactly what does Duncan have to do with this investigation? Duncan says he’s authorized to offer money, but Norris turns him down.

· Mystery: How did the people in the Teaser die?

· Setup: The attempted bribe will get Duncan into trouble.

· OL: What do the clues—the condition of the bodies, the splintered door—tell Duncan?

EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER – Secret Identity

Duncan enters, looking for the Sheriff. He’s there to help: the sheriff’s theory that somebody attacked the group with a blow torch is wrong. It’s too late to sway the Sheriff—he’s heard from Norris and is incensed that Duncan tried to bribe a witness for confidential information. He arrests Duncan for witness tampering. His mug shot is taken, he’s fingerprinted, and escorted to a jail cell.

· E/D: Duncan is misunderstood and jailed.

· Open Loops: Do the Sheriff, Norris and Deputy know more than they’re letting on?

· Payoff: Duncan’s openness and “leap before you look” method of operating lands him in hot water.

· Setup: Duncan can’t go back to investigate. He will need an investigator, and only Sasha fits the bill.

INT. CORPORATE JET – DAY – Conspiracy

Delia is en route, with her lawyer, Sullivan, to Price’s DC office from their headquarters in Houston. She has a closed dossier in her hand, labelled “Sasha Lambert.” She’s surprised to learn that Sasha’s father was responsible for that chemical dump twenty years ago that killed thousands of fish in New Jersey. This apple ran far away from the tree. Now, what do they do about her?

· E/D: Learn Sasha’s dad ruined the environment.

· Mystery: How did Delia get such old, detailed information on Sasha?

· Open Loop: What else does Delia know about Sasha and how will she use it against her?

· Open Loop: What will Delia do to Sasha to stop her from pursuing the collusion between Delia and Zack?

INT. DOJ – ZACK’S OFFICE – A FEW DAYS LATER – Conspiracy

Delia is there to sign settlement papers but also to deliver a thumb drive to Zack. It has data and photos of tankers, deliberately and expertly falsified. Zack is reluctant to deliver this info to Sasha’s boss, Manning; its farther than he wanted to go. Delia mentions the bank subpoena, Zack responds there’s nothing to find. Delia says Sasha is relentless and this is the only way to stop her from destroying the two of them.

· E/D: Delia is pushing Zack farther than he wanted to go.

· Mystery: How did Delia get the falsified information on the tankers?

· Open Loop: What will Manning do with this information—will she believe Sasha or Zack?

· Payoff: Sasha didn’t let Zack in and his hurt caused him to set in motion a chain of events that will threaten Sasha’s career.

· Setup: Sasha’s downfall.

INT. EPA – MANNING’S OFFICE – DAY – Imminent Threat

Sasha is defending herself against Manning’s accusation that Sasha buried evidence of other ships in the vicinity of Price’s tanker. The other tankers were in the same storm, meaning they could have been responsible for the oil spill, too. Other ships add credence to the argument that the spill was an accident, not a result of criminal negligence. Forensics expert Reese confirms that this evidence throws their investigative work into doubt. Sasha’s temper flares, and Manning says she’s sorry, she has no choice.

· E/D: Reese doesn’t stand up for Sasha.

· E/D: Manning doesn’t believe Sasha was framed.

· Mystery: Why doesn’t Manning believe Sasha?

· Setup: Sasha’s new journey, post EPA

INT. EPA – CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS – Wound

Sasha wants to know why Reese didn’t back her up – they’ve worked together many times. She would never do this. Reese says she doesn’t know Sasha well-enough to know what Sasha is capable of.

· E/D: Sasha’s flaw kept her from getting the support she needed from Reese.

· Payoff: Sasha is not able to let people in, so no one really knows her.

· Irony: Reese might have taken Sasha’s side if Sasha had been more open and accessible to her colleagues.

INT. EPA – SASHA’S CUBICLE – LATER – Hidden Layer

All eyes are on Sasha as she packs up a box with her sparse personal belongings while two security guards wait. Manning comes over to ask for Sasha’s badge and gun. Sasha hands them over, pushing down her anger. Then Manning asks for her phone—it’s EPA property. Sasha defiantly removes the SIM card and smashes the phone against the edge of her desk, breaking the screen. Then she hands it over.

· E/D: Sasha is framed and fired.

· OL: What will Sasha do now?

· Mystery: Why is Sasha so angry inside?

· Payoff: The resolution of Sasha going after Delia.

ACT 3

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – TENNIS COURT – DAY – Hidden Agenda

Duncan’s lawyer, LUCAS FINLEY, finds Duncan hitting against a tennis ball machine, taking out his frustration over how his “investigating” went. Finley explains why pleading guilty to a lesser charge of harassment made sense. The fine wasn’t a problem for him, but the conviction will follow him. Also, Duncan is at a loss as to how he will get info without paying for it. Finley tells him to find a new private investigator. One who can resist Delia’s money.

· OL: What will Duncan do now to pursue his investigation of suspicious deaths?

· OL: What is Duncan really searching for?

· Mystery: Why is Duncan so upset with himself for failing in his attempt at investigation?

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY – Wound

Sasha is meeting with executive recruiter over lunch. The recruiter has done her homework, and tells her that Delia put out a press release regarding her firing. Bad press dominates her Google page. Her ex-boss Manning is describing Sasha as untrustworthy and defiant to anyone who shows an interest in her. She’s unemployable in the environmental field and in law enforcement. She wouldn’t be able to get a job as a night watchman, even if she wanted it.

· Mystery: Why is Manning giving her such a bad review?

· E/D: Sasha is unemployable in her field.

· Payoff: Delia takes the next step after getting Sasha fired.

· OL: What will Sasha do now?

EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY – Secret Identity

Sasha gets a call from her Mom, Trish. Sasha lies and says she’s fine, then asks what’s wrong. Is she taking her insulin? Needy mom upset she hasn’t called. Sasha works too hard.

· E/D: Sasha is the emotional caretaker of her mother.

· Irony: Angry, ambitious Sasha is caring and responsive.

· Setup: Sasha’s mother will become even needier.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY – Hidden Agenda

Duncan is interviewing GARRETT, a private investigator candidate. He has excellent credentials and references. Garrett insists he can only do his job if Duncan tells him what he’s really looking for in these suspicious deaths. Garrett hints at the “unexplained” nature and confides that he’s a believer, too. It’s obvious that Delia has gotten to him.

· E/D: Duncan is in danger of having his secret—that he’s pursuing creatures—come out.

· Irony: The investigator’s “belief” in creatures is designed to trap Duncan.

· Setup: Duncan is going to need an investigator Delia can’t get to.

INT. DELIA’S CORPORATE APARTMENT – EVENING – Mystery

Phone calls don’t seem to be working, and Delia is currently in DC, so Duncan pays her a visit. He orders Delia to stop interfering with his private investigators. Delia admits she has a deep list and can get to anyone Duncan is considering—but she’s just looking out for him. Is he seeing creatures, like he did ten years ago? Duncan protests that he wasn’t in his right mind back then.

· Mystery: What happened ten years ago?

· OL: Will Delia succeed in having Duncan declared incompetent?

· E/D: Delia is Duncan’s enemy.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT – Secret Identity

Sasha is on the phone with her landlord about the notice she just got that her rent is doubling. She tries to negotiate and fails. She also looks at a promotional letter advertising “consolidate your credit card payments into one easy-to-manage loan. She scans it, and picks up the phone. Instead of calling this company, a defeated Sasha calls her mother, asks if she can come home for a while.

· Mystery: Why has Sasha been depending on credit card debt?

· E/D: Sasha has to go home and live with her mother.

· Setup: Sasha is going to have to earn money soon.

EXT. NECKER ISLAND RESORT – DREAM SEQUENCE – Hidden Layer

A barrage of images tells the jumbled-up story of how Duncan lost his daughter Caitlyn at her sweet 16 party, during hurricane season, because it had to be on her actual birthday. A clip of an exuberant Duncan saving the best for last: Katy Perry is going to perform at this private party. A hurricane hits, waves crash, and the surge wipes out thatched beach houses. Duncan and Caitlyn are swept away. Duncan loses her, and, in the distance, sees the shape of a creature formed by the sea water. The creature envelops Caitlyn.

INT. DUNCAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT – Hidden Layer

Duncan bolts upright in bed as he awakens from his nightmare.

· Mystery: What was this nightmare about?

· E/D: Duncan lost somebody close to him.

· Setup: Why Duncan believes in creatures.

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – NEW JERSEY – NEXT DAY – Secret Identity

Sasha is unpacking her clothes in her childhood bedroom while her mother stands nearby, as if overseeing the process. Trish says the EPA was too political a place for her, and maybe quitting the job was a good thing (Sasha lied about being fired). Trish starts to rearrange the clothes in Sasha’s drawers (putting sweaters together, then T-Shirts). As she does, she comments that maybe Sasha can find a less pressured job that will give her time for a relationship, too. Sasha explodes, dumping the contents of her suitcase on the bed and telling her mother to finish what she’s obviously in the middle of.

· Mystery: How did Sasha’s mother become so dependent upon her?

· E/D: Sasha is miserable at home with her mother.

ACT 4

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – DAY – Secret Identity

Duncan is at his control center, working on his computer. On one large screen, Zack is at a podium announcing the DOJ settlement with Price Petroleum for $2 billion (4^th largest for environmental violations in EPA history). On another screen, we see several windows open to past articles detailing the investigation of Price Petroleum (which mention Sasha’s name). Duncan copies and pastes the name “Sasha Lambert” into a search engine.

· Mystery: Why is Duncan looking up Sasha?

· Setup: Duncan wants to hire Sasha to be his investigator.

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – DAY – Secret Identity

A miserable Sasha is administering insulin to her mother. Sasha is explaining that job hunting is done on line now, and she’s been sending out resumes, but no bites yet. It will take time, and she’ll probably be hearing from online recruiters any day now. Her mom doesn’t understand why Sasha can’t get a job with all these “for hire” signs all over town. It doesn’t have to be permanent.

· E/D: Sasha is miserable with her mother.

· E/D: Sasha is having trouble getting a job.

· OL: Will Sasha find a job?

INT. LOCAL SHOP-RITE – DAY – Wound

Sasha is just inside the entrance of the supermarket, holding a filled-out application form. She looks over at the checkout stand, and envisions herself (literally) working there. The Sasha behind the counter hands a receipt to a customer and turns to see her next customer. It’s Zack. He doesn’t acknowledge her. He just starts loading groceries on to the conveyer belt. Sasha is mortified. Then she hears the ring of a phone and comes out of her reverie to realize it’s hers. She answers automatically—this could be a job—and listens to Duncan’s voice introducing himself. OFF her surprise…

· E/D: Sasha having to work on a supermarket check-out line.

· OL: Is Duncan the answer to Sasha’s predicament?

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – SHORT TIME LATER – Suspicion

Sasha is excitedly explaining to Trish who Duncan is and what he does. She’s going to be his assistant, helping to fund climate scientists and supportive politicians. It’s like a dream come true. Even the transportation is fairy-tale like—a town-car takes her to a heliport where Duncan’s helicopter awaits to fly her from New Jersey to DC.

· Irony: Sasha is so happy with this job offer that she is getting along with her mother.

· OL: Is this job too good to be true?

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY – Secret Identity

Duncan clears up Sasha’s misunderstanding, explaining that he needs an investigator who would never betray him to his sister. Sasha’s confused: what is he investigating and why would any investigator “betray” him? Duncan appears to go off on a tangent, asking if she knows about the global warming event 55 million years ago. It’s being used as a model for today. Back then, all deep-sea species went extinct, and so did a number of land species. Others adapted. And new species were spawned. These creatures have hibernated since the planet’s temperature cooled, but have now awakened with the recent concentration of greenhouse gases. And, if his theory is correct, the dead bodies of the creatures will absorb vast amounts of greenhouse gases. He’s prepared to do the killing—he just needs Sasha to track them down. But he’s trusting her to keep his true mission a secret; otherwise, Delia will claim he is delusional and seize control of his assets. Sasha is disappointed and angry. If he’s trying to make up for his family’s sins, he can’t risk his fortune by hunting these creatures. His promises of money are worthless. She storms out.

· E/D: Sasha has lost her dream job.

· OL: Are these creatures real or is Duncan delusional?

· Mystery: Why does Duncan believe in these creatures?

· Irony: Sasha’s dream job is a delusion.

· Payoff: Duncan and Sasha finally meet.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – SHORT TIME LATER – Secret Identity

In the training area, Duncan is hitting a punching bag to relieve his frustration that Sasha has crippled his plan to hunt for the creatures.

· E/D: Duncan has lost his opportunity to hire an investigator Delia can’t get to.

· OL: What will Duncan do now?

INT. HELICOPTER – DAY – Secret Identity

Flying home, Sasha receives a call from her mother. Trish’s diabetes has led to severe kidney disease. She may need dialysis and has no one but Sasha to rely on. Sasha hangs up, and puts her head in her hands, overwhelmed by the events of the day.

· E/D: Sasha is more trapped as caretaker of her mother.

· OL: What is Sasha going to do now?

ACT 5

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – EVENING – Secret Identity

As Sasha is placing all of Trish’s doctor’s appointments on a calendar app, her mom says she’s so grateful Sasha moved in with her. What lucky timing, since she can’t afford to hire help on her teacher’s pension. Sasha can feel her independence slipping away and snaps at her mom, telling her she won’t be able to be her chauffeur for all these appointments.

· E/D: Sasha’s independence is slipping further and further away.

· Payoff: Sasha’s mother’s illness is trapping Sasha in her role as caretaker.

· OL: Will Sasha just acquiesce to her mother’s wishes?

EXT. SASHA’S CHEVY BOLT – NEXT DAY

Sasha’s electric car glides down a highway.

INT. CHEVY BOLT – CONTINUOUS – Secret Identity

Sasha, driving, is on the hands-free phone inquiring about the cost of part-time home care. She listens to the sales talk for a beat, then asks how much will all this tender loving care cost every month. When she hears $6000, she hangs up the phone.

· E/D: In-Home care is not an option for Sasha.

· Mystery: Where is Sasha going?

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LATER

Sasha buzzes in at the front gate, is told Duncan is not available. Sasha reminds the housekeeper she was there yesterday. Can she please wait?

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – PARLOR – SHORT TIME LATER – Hidden Agenda

Sasha is taking in the art work when Duncan enters. She launches in to an apology for her behavior yesterday before he can get a word out. She wants the job—if these creatures exist, she’ll find them. Duncan asserts they do exist, but it will take time, so he needs a three-year commitment from her. Sasha, reacting to Duncan’s eagerness, adds one condition: after that period, she wants him to fund a foundation for her so she can be her own boss and fight climate change directly. Duncan welcomes her to their team of two—can she start today?

· Irony: Duncan’s creatures will turn out to be real!

· OL: What will Duncan and Sasha be able to accomplish together?

· OL: How will Duncan and Sasha change each other?

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – MOMENTS LATER – Secret Identity

As Duncan shows Sasha the wall of suspicious deaths, she comments that there doesn’t appear to be a connection between the events. That’s not the way you do an investigative board. He responds that’s why she’s here. Meanwhile, he briefs Sasha on the recent incident. She dissuades Duncan from sending her to interview people to tease out if they saw signs of these creatures. What they need is cause of death. Duncan contacts the California Attorney General for help with a special autopsy of the bodies.

· Mystery: What happened to the people in the Sonoma house?

· Setup: Something unexplainable happened to those people.

INT. DUNCAN’S GUEST HOUSE – A FEW DAYS LATER – Secret Identity

Sasha is directing the movers bringing in her furniture while on the phone with her mom, who’s complaining about the aide. Duncan calls.

· E/D: Sasha is still caring for her needy mother.

· OL: What will Sasha’s relationship with her mother be going forward?

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER – Mystery

As crime scene photos come across Duncan’s laptop, HENRY WINSLOW, the biologist who attended the special autopsy, reports that the bodies were cooked from the inside out. Duncan notes that the interior of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have risen quickly to a humid 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. After Winslow leaves, Duncan says it was his creature and shows Sasha a photo of a scorch mark that looks like a claw, at least to him. Sasha tells him we all see what we look for.

· Mystery: Is Duncan right about the real cause of death?

· Payoff: Sasha doesn’t have a rational explanation for the cause of death.

· Setup: Will Duncan and Sasha discover that a creature was responsible for killing these people (as shown in the Teaser)?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Outline Requirements

From this assignment, I learned that identifying the challenging situation led to my zeroing in on the conflict and that action helped make my scenes more interesting (and helping with show, don’t tell).

Passes 1 & 2 combined

FOOL’S ERRAND

Outline

Show Concept: A disgraced criminal investigator for the Environmental Protection Agency takes a bizarre offer from a billionaire environmental activist, and these two lost souls transform each other for the better as they dive into a supernatural underworld.

Pilot as Inciting Incident for Series: Sasha and Duncan team up and they start searching for creatures Sasha deems delusions, but may be real.

TEASER

EXT. SONOMA COUNTY, CALIFORNIA – RUSTIC HOUSE – DAY

A rugged man resembling a lumberjack and his brother are hosing down his house to save it from a wildfire raging miles away. A pickup filled with personal belongings comes up. Their neighbor tries to convince them to evacuate, but it’s not mandatory. The two men and their wives refuse to leave.

· Start: Lumberjack & brother hosing down house.

· Challenging Situation: Wildfire that could possibly jump a firebreak and overwhelm them.

· Conflict: Fireman, brother and their wives vs. the friends who want them to evacuate.

· Action: Hosing down their house.

· Finish: Fireman, brother and their wives refuse to leave.

INT./EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – EVENING

The four adults are eating dinner when they get the alert that the fire won’t break through to their area. Relief lightens the mood. Unnoticed, outside a window, a reptilian eye peers in. A few moments later, the door is battered down, splintering in half. OFF the startled, terrified looks of the four adults.

· Start: The four adults eat dinner and get alert that fire won’t break through the area.

· Challenging Situation: A creature is outside.

· Conflict: The creature vs. the four adults.

· Action: A reptilian eye appears outside a window and then the door is battered down.

· Finish: The startled, terrified looks of the four adults.

ACT 1

EXT. EPA HEADQUARTERS (ESTABLISHING) – DAY

Marble columns and towering arched entryways adorn the headquarters of the Environmental Protection Agency, Washington, D.C.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – CONTINUOUS

A collegial atmosphere, with people floating from one cubicle to another, or talking by the coffee machine. Not SASHA LAMBERT. She’s alone in her cubicle, wearing an over-the-ear headset, watching a press conference on her laptop. Special agent JONAH LATIMER, in his EPA jacket, comes up to her, taps her on the shoulder. Without turning, puts up her finger—one sec. We PUSH IN on the laptop screen showing Price Petroleum CEO DELIA PRICE declaring that the charges are unfounded and they will fight in court. Press conference over, Sasha turns her attention to Latimer. The boss wants to see her. As she leaves, Latimer mutters under-his-breath: fucking teacher’s pet.

EXT. PRICE PETROLEUM BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

As Delia walks away from the microphones, she tells her lawyer, TOM SULLIVAN, to open up a backchannel with the DOJ.

· Start: Colleagues milling about, chatting and collaborating.

· Challenging Situation: Delia claims she will fight the charges in court.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Delia over punishing her company.

· Action: Sasha alone in her cubicle. Delia at press conference

· Finish: Delia tells her lawyer to open a backchannel to the DOJ.

INT. EPA SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE OFFICE – DAY

Her boss (and mentor) AUDREY MANNING is expressing wonder at how Sasha got Price on a criminal indictment. She confirms Sasha will receive a pay bump and, best of all, an office. Manning asks her how she’s going to celebrate. And please, take time to savor this moment.

· Start: Sasha’s boss praising her for getting an indictment against Price Petroleum.

· Challenging Situation: Her wound makes Sasha think that, despite her success, something will undermine it because she doesn’t deserve anything good.

· Conflict: Sasha’s internal conflict of her wound vs. her goal.

· Action: Sasha’s boss gives her a gift.

· Finish: Boss asks Sasha how she’s going to celebrate.

EXT. PRIVATE GOLF COURSE – TEEING AREA – DAY

DUNCAN PRICE, who is sponsoring this golfing event to raise funds to clean up oil spills, charms a wealthy lobbyist into giving more for the cause. The lobbyist asks if Duncan can get him tickets to the next Superbowl and he says he doesn’t do that anymore. He greets his team for today’s tournament—a Senator, a media mogul, and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. He goes first, teeing off with a magnificent drive. Then he challenges the other players to double their contributions if his team wins the charity tournament.

· Start: Duncan charms a wealthy lobbyist into giving more for the cause.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan must keep his real goal to himself.

· Conflict: Duncan’s internal conflict of his impulsiveness vs. discipline.

· Action: Duncan tees off with a magnificent drive. One donor asks if Duncan can get him tickets to the next Superbowl. Duncan says he doesn’t do that anymore.

· Finish: Duncan challenges the donors to double their contributions if he wins the charity tournament.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – EARLY EVENING

Sasha asks ELI BARNES, the lawyer, and MADDY REESE, the forensics expert she has been working with closely to join her for a celebratory drink for their case. Reese has to get home to her kids, Barnes has plans. Some other day, maybe. She then asks other colleagues to join her and her friends (she’s lying about the friends), but they all have excuses.

INT. WASHINGTON D.C. BAR – NIGHT

Sasha is having a drink on her own. She toasts: “well, Dad, I did it. Here’s to you, wherever the fuck you are.” She hears a birthday celebration at one of the tables. It’s her colleagues from work, including the lawyer, and the guest of honor is Latimer. After a beat, she calls up Zack, her “friend with benefits” and tells him to meet her at her place.

· Start: Sasha roams the office, asking colleagues if they want to have a celebratory drink with her.

· Challenging Situation: Convincing people she’s kept at arms-length to celebrate with her.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. her colleagues.

· Action: Sasha is celebrating on her own when she notices a colleague’s birthday party attended by those she asked to come out.

· Finish: She calls up Zack, her “friend with benefits” and tells him to meet her at her place.

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION (ESTABLISHING) – NIGHT

A magnificent Tudor mansion with pool and tennis court.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – UNDERGROUND SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT

Duncan, armed with a pistol, finishes shooting at the target. Mediocre results. He calls COLLINS, his private investigator, to have him look into the suspicious deaths in Sonoma that we saw in the Teaser. After the call, Collins calls someone else to report the conversation.

· Start: Duncan is finishing up target practice.

· Challenging Situation: His private investigator is betraying him.

· Conflict: Duncan wants to improve his shooting but he may not be good enough to kill the creatures he seeks.

· Action: Target practice.

· Finish: The private investigator calls someone to report his conversation with Duncan.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – LIVING AREA – NIGHT

Neat, orderly, with tasteful furniture that looks expensive. ZACK REILAND, an up-and-coming lawyer at the Department of Justice (DOJ), has brought a bottle of champagne. He is the lawyer prosecuting the indictment—that’s how they met. Their physical chemistry is palpable. A toast and small talk leads to a seductive Sasha drawing Zack in. They have dynamite sex.

· Start: Zack and Sasha toast to her success.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha wants casual sex but Zack has fallen for her.

· Conflict: Sasha’s idea of their relationship vs. Zack’s.

· Action: Seduction.

· Finish: Sasha and Zack have dynamite sex.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING

Zack is still sleeping. Sasha picks up his clothes scattered over the room, puts them on a nearby chair. She rouses him gently. He awakens, wants her back in bed. She nearly succumbs, but then pulls back. Zack protests that it’s the weekend. Doesn’t matter, Sasha has to get to the gym and run errands. He offers to come with, but Sasha says that’s not what they’re about. Zack doesn’t move. Starts a fight, with the subtext that he is hurt that she never wants to spend time with him outside her apartment. Sasha strips off the covers, shoves his clothes at him, and kicks him out of the bedroom. A beat later, we hear the front door slam shut.

· Start: Zack still sleeping. Sasha rouses him and wants him out.

· Challenging Situation: Zack is acting out of hurt.

· Conflict: Sasha’s idea of their relationship vs. Zack’s.

· Action: A vicious verbal fight.

· Finish: Zack storms out.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – A FEW DAYS LATER

Collins is delivering a standard report. Duncan’s frustrated. Collins presses for more details, including a subtle inquiry about the possibility of some kind of animal, or unknown creature, involved. Now Duncan knows he’s working for his sister.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – SHORT TIME LATER

A command center with screens. A training area nearby. Duncan is staring at a wall covered in corkboard, with articles and photos of suspicious deaths, as well as renderings of what could be creatures pinned to it. He calls his sister to complain about Collins and we realize it’s Delia. She’s in a great mood…

· Start: Private investigator delivering findings to Duncan. They are perfunctory.

· Challenging Situation: Private investigator is trying to get Duncan to admit he’s looking for creatures.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Private investigator.

· Action: First view of Duncan’s lair, with command center, training area, and articles and photos about suspicious deaths.

· Finish: He calls his sister to complain about the private investigator, revealing it’s Delia, and she’s in a great mood.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – DAY

Sasha is preparing to go out into the field, strapping on her weapon and putting on her jacket with EPA emblazoned on the back. Manning intercepts her, carrying infuriating news: Price Petroleum has reached a settlement with the DOJ. Sasha calls Zack, straight to voicemail. Texts him, no response.

INT. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE – ZACK’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Zack is looking at his phone with Sasha’s text. He deletes Sasha from his contacts, blocks her number.

· Start: Sasha is preparing to go out into the field.

· Challenging Situation: Price Petroleum has reached a settlement with the DOJ.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Delia and Zack.

· Action: Sasha calls Zack, can’t reach him.

· Finish: Zack deletes Sasha from his contacts and blocks her number.

ACT 2

EXT. ZACK’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT

Sasha is across the street. A stakeout. As Zack approaches, she races up to him, asking loudly how Delia got to him. Is he doing it for money, maybe a lobbyist position for oil and gas? Embarrassed, Zack ushers her inside.

· Start: Sasha is staking out Zack’s apartment.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha has to connect with Zack even though he doesn’t want to see or hear from her.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Zack over his decision not to prosecute.

· Action: Sasha loudly confronts Zack about Delia on the street outside his apartment.

· Finish: Zack ushers Sasha inside.

INT. ZACK’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER

Sasha starts urging Zack to reconsider, all the while trying to keep her anger in check. Does he realize what this prosecution could mean to holding fossil fuel companies accountable for their actions? Zack tells her the problem is on her end—the evidence just wasn’t strong enough. Hell hath no fury like Sasha when it comes to how she does her job protecting the environment. The subtext of the fight is that she didn’t let him get close.

· Start: Sasha starts with urging Zack to reconsider.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is trying to convince Zack to rescind the settlement without letting her anger get the better of her.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Zack over his ruining her blow to fossil fuel companies.

· Action: A verbal fight with subtext that Sasha didn’t let Zack get close. Sasha smashes a gift she gave Zack.

· Finish: Off Zack’s reaction, and Sasha’s realization that she lost.

INT. EPA – MANNING’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY

Sasha asks Manning for a minute. She thinks Delia and Zack were colluding and if she brings it to light, the settlement will be voided. And, if she’s lucky, they’ll both face blowback. Manning warns her that accusing Delia and Zack of collusion will be tough to prove. She should take the win and move on.

· Start: Sasha asks her boss/mentor for a minute.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha must decide whether to accuse Delia and Zack of collusion to get settlement thrown out.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Boss over tactics.

· Action: A warning from Boss not to pursue collusion.

· Finish: Sasha should take the win and move on.

INT. EPA – LAWYER’S OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER

Sasha is with Barnes, the lawyer who has been on the Price case with her. She appeals to his disappointment and insists that Delia had to have gotten to Zack somehow. It’s a long shot, but maybe Zack recently received a large deposit. Even if it’s not immediately traceable to Delia, it will be a start. Barnes agrees to subpoena Zack’s bank records.

· Start: Sasha is commiserating with lawyer.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha lied to her boss and is pursuing collusion anyway.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Delia and Zach.

· Action: Convinces lawyer to subpoena Zack’s bank records.

· Finish: Sasha expects to find a large deposit, probably untraceable, in Zach’s bank account.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LAIR – DAY

The screens show Google Earth-type details of the Sonoma wildfire area. Duncan is on the phone with the Secretary of the Interior, asking for permission to go to the wildfire zone, now that it’s 50% contained. As he talks, he magnifies the images and we see an aerial view of the rustic house from the Teaser. Duncan makes a final, humorous appeal but we don’t hear the answer.

· Start: Screen maps showing locations of homes near wildfire area.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan has to convince the Secretary of the Interior to send him into the fire zone, without telling him the real reason.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Secretary of the Interior granting permission.

· Action: Duncan zeroing in on the house from the Teaser

· Finish: Duncan makes a final, humorous appeal and we don’t hear the answer.

EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – NEXT DAY

Duncan is chatting up the lone deputy left guarding the house, which is marked with “CRIME SCENE” yellow tape. He’s trying to get as much information as possible without giving too much away about himself. Duncan is too open, as is his style, but he does trick the deputy into revealing which neighbor found the bodies.

· Start: Duncan is chatting with the lone deputy left guarding the house, marked with yellow tape as a crime scene.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan is trying to get as much information as he can from the deputy.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. deputy on who gives whom information.

· Action: Duncan gives away too much, but manages to find out who the neighbors are.

· Finish: Duncan tricks deputy into giving him neighbor who found the bodies.

EXT./INT. MODEST HOUSE – SHORT TIME LATER

Duncan presents himself to NORRIS, the man who found the victims, as an environmentalist seeking answers. He pushes hard on what condition the bodies were in, the splintered door, anything unusual. Norris becomes increasingly wary and asks exactly what does Duncan have to do with this investigation? Duncan says he’s authorized to offer money, but Norris turns him down.

· Start: Duncan introducing himself to wary neighbor who found the bodies.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan is trying to get as much information as he can from the neighbor.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. the neighbor over how much Duncan find out.

· Action: Duncan pushes too hard, then offers a bribe for information.

· Finish: The neighbor turns down the bribe.

EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER

Duncan enters, looking for the Sheriff. He’s there to help: the sheriff’s theory that somebody attacked the group with a blow torch is wrong. It’s too late to sway the Sheriff—he’s heard from Norris and is incensed that Duncan tried to bribe a witness for confidential information. He arrests Duncan for witness tampering. His mug shot is taken, he’s fingerprinted, and escorted to a jail cell.

· Start: Duncan enters, looking for the Sheriff.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan is not savvy enough to realize the Sheriff will be upset by his interference.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. the Sheriff over the bribe to the neighbor.

· Action: Duncan is arrested for witness tampering.

· Finish: Duncan’s mug shot taken, fingerprinted, taken to jail cell.

INT. CORPORATE JET – DAY

Delia is en route, with her lawyer, Sullivan, to Price’s DC office from their headquarters in Houston. She has a closed dossier in her hand, labelled “Sasha Lambert.” She’s surprised to learn that Sasha’s father was responsible for that chemical dump twenty years ago that killed thousands of fish in New Jersey. This apple ran far away from the tree. Now, what do they do about her?

· Start: Delia is discussing a problem.

· Challenging Situation: Delia needs to figure out how to stop Sasha from investigating collusion.

· Conflict: Delia vs. Sasha over collusion accusation.

· Action: Delia on private jet, has dossier on Sasha.

· Finish: Delia asks her lawyer, Sullivan about how they can shut down Sasha.

INT. DOJ – ZACK’S OFFICE – A FEW DAYS LATER

Delia is there to sign settlement papers but also to deliver a thumb drive to Zack. It has data and photos of tankers, deliberately and expertly falsified. Zack is reluctant to deliver this info to Sasha’s boss, Manning. Delia says Sasha is relentless and this is the only way to stop her from destroying the two of them.

· Start: Delia is signing settlement papers.

· Challenging Situation: The way Delia has come up with to stop Sasha is to destroy her career.

· Conflict: Delia vs. Zack over whether to deliver the falsified data impugning Sasha’s integrity.

· Action: Delia has a thumb drive for Zack.

· Finish: Delia says Sasha is relentless and this is the only way to protect themselves.

INT. EPA – MANNING’S OFFICE – DAY

Sasha is defending herself against Manning’s accusation that Sasha buried evidence of other ships in the vicinity of Price’s tanker. The other tankers were in the same storm, meaning they could have been responsible for the oil spill, too. Other ships add credence to the argument that the spill was an accident, not a result of criminal negligence. Forensics expert Reese confirms that this evidence throws their investigative work into doubt. Sasha’s temper flares, and Manning says she’s sorry, she has no choice.

· Start: Sasha is defending herself against her boss’ accusation.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is being framed and her boss believes it.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. boss over her guilt or innocence.

· Action: Forensics colleague on case confirms the data is plausible. Sasha’s temper flares, even though it makes matters worse.

· Finish: Boss is sorry, but she has no choice.

INT. EPA – CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Sasha wants to know why Reese didn’t back her up – they’ve worked together many times. She would never do this. Reese says she doesn’t know Sasha well-enough to know what Sasha is capable of.

· Start: Angry Sasha comes up to Forensic colleague.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha wants to know why her colleague didn’t stand up for her.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Forensic colleague over loyalty.

· Action: Sasha accuses Forensic colleague of siding with Boss without talking to her separately.

· Finish: Forensic colleague says she doesn’t know Sasha well enough to be certain of what she would or wouldn’t do.

INT. EPA – SASHA’S CUBICLE – LATER

All eyes are on Sasha as she packs up a box with her sparse personal belongings while two security guards wait. Manning comes over to ask for Sasha’s badge and gun. Sasha hands them over, pushing down her anger. Then Manning asks for her phone—it’s EPA property. Sasha defiantly removes the SIM card and smashes the phone against the edge of her desk, breaking the screen. Then she hands it over.

· Start: Sasha is at her desk filling a box with her sparse personal belongings while two security guards wait.

· Challenging Situation: Everyone knows she’s been fired.

· Conflict: Sasha and Boss over her firing.

· Action: Boss comes over to take Sasha’s badge and gun.

· Finish: Sasha has to give up her company phone. She removes the SIM card and smashes the phone against her desk.

ACT 3

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – TENNIS COURT – DAY

Duncan’s lawyer, LUCAS FINLEY, finds Duncan hitting against a tennis ball machine, taking out his frustration over how his “investigating” went. Finley explains why pleading guilty to a lesser charge of harassment made sense. The fine wasn’t a problem for him, and the records were sealed. But Duncan is at a loss as to how he will get info without paying for it. Finley tells him to find a new private investigator. One who can resist Delia’s money.

· Start: Duncan’s lawyer explaining why pleading guilty to a lesser charge made sense.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan fears he won’t be able to track creatures on his own.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Lawyer over Duncan’s facility for investigating.

· Action: Duncan hitting against tennis ball machine; conversation on tennis court.

· Finish: Lawyer: find another private investigator.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sasha is meeting with executive recruiter over lunch. The recruiter has done her homework, and tells her that Delia put out a press release regarding her firing. Bad press dominates her Google page. Her ex-boss Manning is describing Sasha as untrustworthy and defiant to anyone who shows an interest in her. She’s unemployable in the environmental field and in law enforcement. She wouldn’t be able to get a job as a night watchman, even if she wanted it.

· Start: Executive Recruiter asking Sasha how wide a search she’d be willing to do.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha faces stiff obstacles getting an environmental job that pays a living wage.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Delia, the source of those obstacles.

· Action: Lunch at a restaurant.

· Finish: Sasha realizes she’s unemployable in her field.

EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sasha gets a call from her Mom, Trish. Sasha lies and says she’s fine, then asks what’s wrong. Is she taking her insulin? Needy mom upset she hasn’t called. Sasha works too hard.

· Start: Sasha gets a call.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha feels suffocated by her needy mom.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Mom over her independence.

· Action: Underlying tension during phone call.

· Finish: Sasha dismisses her mom.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

Duncan is interviewing GARRETT, a private investigator candidate. He has excellent credentials and references. Garrett insists he can only do his job if Duncan tells him what he’s really looking for in these suspicious death cases. Garrett hints at the “unexplained” nature of these deaths and confides that he’s a believer, too. It’s obvious that Delia has gotten to him.

· Start: Duncan interviewing a private investigator candidate.

· Challenging Situation: Candidate is probing Duncan for reference to the creatures Duncan seeks.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Private Investigator over his real mission.

· Action: Tense exchange between the two men.

· Finish: Duncan realizes Delia has gotten to this candidate.

INT. DELIA’S CORPORATE APARTMENT – EVENING

Phone calls don’t seem to be working, and Delia is currently in DC, so Duncan pays her a visit. He orders Delia to stop interfering with his private investigators. Delia admits she has a deep list and can get to anyone Duncan is considering—but she’s just looking out for him. Is he seeing creatures, like he did ten years ago? Duncan protests that he wasn’t in his right mind back then.

· Start: Duncan tells Delia to stop interfering.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan has to persuade Delia to stop interfering with his business.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Delia over Delia’s intrusiveness.

· Action: Delia turns the tables—she’s just looking out for him.

· Finish: Duncan protests he wasn’t in his right mind then.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Sasha is on the phone with her landlord about the notice she just got that her rent is doubling. She tries to negotiate and fails. She also looks at a promotional letter advertising “consolidate your credit card payments into one easy-to-manage loan. She scans it, and picks up the phone. Instead of calling this company, a defeated Sasha calls her mother, asks if she can come home for a while.

· Start: Sasha is on the phone with her landlord about the rent.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is in economic trouble.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. landlord/credit card companies.

· Action: Sasha pays the minimum on $5000 in debt.

· Finish: Sasha calls her mother, asks to come home.

EXT. NECKER ISLAND RESORT – DREAM SEQUENCE

A barrage of images tells the jumbled-up story of how Duncan lost his daughter Caitlyn at her sweet 16 party, during hurricane season, because it had to be on her actual birthday. A clip of an exuberant Duncan saving the best for last: Katy Perry is going to perform at this private party. A hurricane hits, waves crash, and the surge wipes out thatched beach houses. Duncan and Caitlyn are swept away. Duncan loses her, and, in the distance, sees the shape of a creature formed by the water. The creature, takes Caitlyn.

INT. DUNCAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Duncan bolts upright in bed as he awakens from his nightmare.

· Start: Duncan at a Sweet 16 party.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan and daughter Caitlyn are in the middle of a hurricane.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. nature.

· Action: Duncan and Caitlyn are swept away; he loses her and, in the distance, sees a watery creature take her.

· Finish: Duncan awakens from his nightmare.

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – NEW JERSEY – NEXT DAY

Sasha is unpacking her clothes in her childhood bedroom while her mother stands nearby, as if overseeing the process. Trish says the EPA was too political a place for her, and maybe quitting the job was a good thing (Sasha lied about being fired). Trish starts to rearrange the clothes in Sasha’s drawers (putting sweaters together, then T-Shirts). As she does, she comments that maybe Sasha can find a less pressured job that will give her time for a relationship, too. Sasha explodes, dumping the contents of her suitcase on the bed and telling her mother to finish what she’s obviously in the middle of.

· Start: Sasha is unpacking her clothes.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha trying to keep her independence with a needy mom.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. her mom about her life.

· Action: Mom starts rearranging Sasha’s drawers and closet.

· Finish: Mom says maybe her next job will allow her to develop a relationship.

ACT 4

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – DAY

Duncan is at his control center, working on his computer. On one large screen, Zack is at a podium announcing the DOJ settlement with Price Petroleum for $2 billion (4^th largest for environmental violations in EPA history). On another screen, we see several windows open to past articles detailing the investigation of Price Petroleum (which mention Sasha’s name). Duncan copies and pastes the name “Sasha Lambert” into a search engine.

· Start: Duncan is watching Zack announce settlement while he works a computer.

· Challenging Situation: Duncan is trying to find out who got his sister to pay such a hefty fine.

· Conflict: Duncan vs. Delia over everything between them, encapsulated in this “win” for Duncan.

· Action: Several screens show different text and photos of the investigation (one is the EPA website).

· Finish: Duncan googles Sasha’s name.

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – DAY

A miserable Sasha is administering insulin to her mother. Her laptop is open on the table, the screen showing a resume. Sasha is trying to explain that job hunting is done on line now, and she’s been sending out resumes, but no bites yet. It will take time, and she’ll probably be hearing from online recruiters any day now. Her mom doesn’t understand why Sasha can’t get a job with all these “for hire” signs all over town. It doesn’t have to be permanent.

· Start: Sasha is giving Trish her insulin.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is trying to keep calm in the face of her mom’s neediness.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. her mom over Sasha’s independence.

· Action: Sasha is explaining how all job hunting is done on computer now. No responses to her resumes.

· Finish: Trish says the job doesn’t need to be permanent.

INT. LOCAL SHOP-RITE – DAY

Sasha is just inside the entrance of the supermarket, holding a filled-out application form. She looks over at the checkout stand, and envisions herself (literally) working there. The Sasha behind the counter hands a receipt to a customer and turns to see her next customer. It’s Zack. He doesn’t acknowledge her. He just starts loading groceries on to the conveyer belt. Sasha is mortified. Then she hears the ring of a phone and comes out of her reverie to realize it’s her phone that’s blaring. She answers automatically—this could be a job—and listens to Duncan’s voice introducing himself. OFF her surprise…

· Start: Sasha at supermarket, filled out application in hand.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha needs a paying job but doesn’t want this one.

· Conflict: Internal conflict as Sasha weighs taking a job vs. having her mother hounding her at home.

· Action: Sasha envisions herself at Checkout Counter ringing up Zack’s food items.

· Finish: Duncan calls.

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – SHORT TIME LATER

Sasha is excitedly explaining to Trish who Duncan is and what he does. She’s going to be his assistant, helping to fund climate scientists and supportive politicians. It’s like a dream come true. Even the transportation is fairy-tale like—a towncar takes her to a heliport where Duncan’s helicopter awaits to fly her from New Jersey to DC.

· Start: Sasha excitedly explaining to Trish about Duncan.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is extrapolating about what she’ll do for Duncan before meeting him.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. her mom over what Duncan’s phone call means.

· Action: Perhaps Sasha giving her mother insulin.

· Finish: A helicopter comes for Sasha.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

Duncan clears up Sasha’s misunderstanding, explaining that he needs an investigator who would never betray him to his sister. Sasha’s confused: what is he investigating and why would any investigator “betray” him? Duncan appears to go off on a tangent, asking if she knows about the global warming event 55 million years ago. It’s being used as a model for today. Back then, all deep-sea species went extinct, and so did a number of land species. Others adapted. And new species were spawned. These creatures have hibernated since the planet’s temperature cooled, but have now awakened with the recent concentration of greenhouse gases. And, if his theory is correct, the dead bodies of the creatures will absorb vast amounts of greenhouse gases. He’s prepared to do the killing—he just needs Sasha to track them down. But he’s trusting her to keep his true mission a secret; otherwise, Delia will claim he is delusional and seize control of his assets. Sasha is disappointed and angry. If he’s trying to make up for his family’s sins, he can’t risk his fortune by hunting these creatures. His promises of money are worthless. She storms out.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – SHORT TIME LATER

In the training area, Duncan is hitting a punching bag to relieve his frustration that Sasha has crippled his plan to hunt for the creatures.

· Start: Duncan chose Sasha because she won’t betray him to Delia.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha discovers what Duncan is really offering.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Duncan over the job he’s offering.

· Action: Duncan shows Sasha renderings of creatures from 55 million years ago; Sasha insults Duncan and storms out.

· Finish: Duncan hitting a punching bag in frustration over losing his only chance at pursuing these creatures.

INT. HELICOPTER – DAY

Flying home, Sasha receives a call from her mother. Trish’s diabetes has led to severe kidney disease. She may need dialysis and has no one but Sasha to rely on. Sasha hangs up, and puts her head in her hands, overwhelmed by the events of the day.

· Start: Sasha receives call from her mother.

· Challenging Situation: Her mother’s worsening physical condition.

· Conflict: Internal—does Sasha stay trapped with her mother or does she accept a job that will provide the funds for caregivers.

· Action: Sasha’s mother relays the news at the worst time.

· Finish: Sasha hangs up, torn.

ACT 5

INT. TRISH’S CONDO – EVENING

As Sasha is placing all of Trish’s doctor’s appointments on a calendar app, her mom says she’s so grateful Sasha moved in with her. What lucky timing, since she can’t afford to hire help on her teacher’s pension. Sasha can feel her independence slipping away and snaps at her mom, telling her she won’t be able to be her chauffeur for all these appointments.

· Start: Trish is so grateful Sasha moved in with her.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha has to decide whether she will become her mother’s primary care-giver.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. her mom over Sasha’s independence.

· Action: Trish is having Sasha calendar all of her upcoming doctor’s appointments.

· Finish: Sasha is feeling trapped. Snaps at her mom.

EXT. SASHA’S CHEVY BOLT – NEXT DAY

Sasha’s electric car glides down a highway.

INT. CHEVY BOLT – CONTINUOUS

Sasha, driving, is on the hands-free phone inquiring about the cost of part-time home care. She listens to the sales talk for a beat, then asks how much will all this tender loving care cost every month. When she hears $6000, she hangs up the phone.

· Start: Sasha’s car driving down a highway.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha is exploring the cost of home care.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. the home care salesperson.

· Action: Speaking on the phone while driving.

· Finish: Hanging up.

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LATER

Sasha buzzes in at the front gate, is told Duncan is not available. Sasha reminds the housekeeper she was there yesterday. Can she please wait?

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – PARLOR – SHORT TIME LATER

Sasha is taking in the art work when Duncan enters. She launches in to an apology for her behavior yesterday before he can get a word out. She wants the job—if these creatures exist, she’ll find them. Duncan asserts they do exist, but it will take time, so he needs a three-year commitment from her. Sasha, reacting to Duncan’s eagerness, adds one condition: after that period, she wants him to fund a foundation for her so she can be her own boss and fight climate change directly. Duncan welcomes her to their team of two—can she start today?

· Start: Sarah at front gate, Duncan not available.

· Challenging Situation: Sasha must convince Duncan to hire her.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Duncan over his hiring her.

· Action: Duncan needs a commitment from Sasha.

· Finish: Duncan agrees to funding foundation in three years’ time.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – MOMENTS LATER

As Duncan shows Sasha the wall of suspicious deaths, she comments that there doesn’t appear to be a connection between the events. That’s not the way you do an investigative board. He responds that’s why she’s here. Meanwhile, he briefs Sasha on the recent incident. She dissuades Duncan from sending her to interview people to tease out if they saw signs of these creatures. What they need is cause of death. Duncan contacts the California Attorney General for help with a special autopsy of the bodies.

· Start: As Duncan shows Sasha his wall of suspicious deaths, Sasha criticizes it.

· Challenging Situation: How does Sasha act in this new boss-employee relationship?

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Duncan regarding approach to the mysteriously burned bodies (from the Teaser).

· Action: Sasha dissuades Duncan from going for interviews to investigating cause of death.

· Finish: Duncan contacts California Attorney General for help.

INT. DUNCAN’S GUEST HOUSE – A FEW DAYS LATER

Sasha is directing the movers bringing in her furniture while on the phone with her mom, who’s complaining about the aide. Duncan calls.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER

As crime scene photos come across Duncan’s laptop, HENRY WINSLOW, the biologist who attended the special autopsy, reports that the bodies were cooked from the inside out. Duncan notes that the interior of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have risen quickly to a humid 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. After Winslow leaves, Duncan says it was his creature and shows Sasha a photo of a scorch mark that looks like a claw, at least to him. Sasha tells him we all see what we look for.

· Start: Sasha gets phone call from Duncan.

· Challenging Situation: More questions than answers concerning the suspicious wildfire deaths.

· Conflict: Sasha vs. Duncan over the creatures.

· Action: Biologist relates finding of special autopsy.

· Finish: Duncan insists a creature was responsible. Sasha remains skeptical.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Beat Sheet

I learned from this assignment that the organizing of plot helped me tell the story I wanted.

Show Concept: A disgraced criminal investigator for the Environmental Protection Agency takes a bizarre offer from a billionaire environmental activist, and these two lost souls transform each other for the better as they dive into a supernatural underworld.

Pilot as Inciting Incident for Series: Sasha and Duncan team up and they start searching for creatures Sasha deems delusions, but may be real.

A Story: Sasha’s fall from grace

B Story: Duncan’s pursuit of creatures

C Story: Delia’s manipulations

TEASER

EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – DAY

A volunteer fireman and his brother are hosing down his house to save it from a wildfire raging miles away. They and their wives refuse to leave.

INT./EXT. RUSTIC HOUSE – EVENING

The four adults are eating dinner when they get the alert that the fire won’t break through to their area. Unnoticed, outside a window, a reptilian eye peers in. A moment later, the door is battered down.

ACT 1

EXT. EPA HEADQUARTERS (ESTABLISHING) – DAY

The marble columned and high arched headquarters of the Environmental Protection Agency, Washington, D.C.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – CONTINUOUS

While other colleagues gather in groups, Sasha is alone in her cubicle. Watching a press conference on her laptop, where Delia declares that the charges are unfounded and they will fight in court.

EXT. PRICE PETROLEUM BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

As Delia walks away from the microphones, she tells her lawyer to open up a backchannel with the DOJ.

INT. EPA SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE OFFICE – DAY

Her boss confirms Sasha will receive a promotion and expresses wonder at how she got this indictment. Asks how she’s going to celebrate.

EXT. PRIVATE GOLF COURSE – TEEING AREA – DAY

Duncan is chatting with the wealthy and powerful attendees at the event to raise funds to clean up oil spills. He tees off with a magnificent drive.

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – EARLY EVENING

Sasha can’t get any colleagues to come out and have a celebratory drink with her. They make up excuses. As do those she texts.

INT. WASHINGTON D.C. BAR – NIGHT

Sasha is having a drink on her own. She toasts her dad, sarcastically. Hears a birthday celebration. It’s her colleagues from work. After a beat, she calls up Zack, her “friend with benefits” and tells him to meet her at her place.

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION (ESTABLISHING) – NIGHT

A magnificent Tudor mansion with pool and tennis court.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – UNDERGROUND SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT

Duncan, armed with a pistol, finishes shooting at the target. Mediocre results. He calls his private investigator to have him look into the suspicious deaths we saw in the Teaser. After the call, the Private Investigator calls someone else to report the conversation.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Neat, orderly, with tasteful furniture that looks expensive. Zack and Sasha toast with wine. Zack is DOJ, is prosecuting the indictment. Wine leads to a seductive Sasha drawing Zack in. They have lustful sex.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – EARLY MORNING

It’s the weekend, but Sasha is kicking Zack out anyway. She has to go to the gym, run errands. He’s hurt – she never wants to spend time with him outside her apartment. They fight.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – HOME OFFICE – A WEEK LATER

The private investigator is delivering a standard report. Duncan’s frustrated. Private investigator presses for more details, including a hint of looking for creatures. Now Duncan knows he’s working for his sister.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – SHORT TIME LATER

A command center with screens. A training area nearby. Duncan is staring at a wall covered in corkboard, articles and photos of suspicious deaths, as well as renderings of what could be creatures. He calls his sister and we realize it’s Delia. She’s in a great mood…

INT. EPA CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION – DAY

Sasha is preparing to go out into the field when her boss comes over with infuriating news: Price Petroleum has reached a settlement with the DOJ. Sasha calls Zack, straight to voicemail. Texts him, no response.

INT. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE – ZACK’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Zack is looking at his phone with Sasha’s text. He deletes Sasha from his contacts, blocks her number.

ACT 2

EXT. ZACK’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT

Sasha is across the street. A stakeout. She accosts Zack as he approaches, asking if Delia got to him. She’s embarrassingly loud. He ushers her inside.

INT. ZACK’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER

Hell hath no fury like Sasha when it comes to protecting the environment. The subtext of the fight is that she didn’t let him get close.

INT. EPA – SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY

Sasha’s boss warns her that accusing Delia and Zack of collusion will be tough to prove. She should take the win and move on.

INT. EPA – LAWYER’S OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER

Sasha is with lawyer who is on the Price case with her. Convinces lawyer to subpoena Zack’s bank records.

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LAIR – COMMAND CENTER – DAY

Screens are showing details of the wildfire area, including homes. Duncan on phone with Secretary of the Interior. Asking for permission to go to the wildfire zone.

EXT. RUSTIC CABIN – NEXT DAY

A crime scene. Duncan chats up the lone deputy guarding the place. Discovers which concerned neighbor found the bodies.

EXT./INT. MODEST HOME – SHORT TIME LATER

Duncan presents himself as an environmentalist seeking answers. Offers money for info. Learns about broken door, the bodies with burns but not to a crisp, frozen in their seats around the dinner table. Pushes too hard.

EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER

Duncan enters to help: the sheriff’s “blow torch” theory is wrong. But Sheriff is incensed that he bribed a witness for confidential information. He arrests Duncan (who walked right into it). Mug shots and jail cell.

INT. CORPORATE JET – DAY

Delia on route to DC office from Houston HQ. Discussing dossier of Sasha on phone, noting that her father was responsible for the chemical dump that killed thousands of fish in New Jersey. What do they do about her?

INT. DOJ – ZACK’S OFFICE – A FEW DAYS LATER

Delia is there to sign settlement papers but also to deliver a thumb drive to Zack. It has data and photos of tankers. Zack reluctant to deliver this info to Sasha’s boss. Delia says Sasha is relentless and this is the only way to stop her from destroying the two of them.

INT. EPA – SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE’S OFFICE – DAY

Sasha’s boss accuses her of burying evidence of other ships in the vicinity that could have been responsible for the oil spill, along with Price Petroleum. Forensics colleague on case confirms it’s plausible.

INT. EPA – CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Sasha wants to know why forensic colleague didn’t back her up – they’ve worked together many times. She would never do this. Forensics colleague says she doesn’t know Sasha well-enough to say.

INT. EPA – SASHA’S CUBICLE – LATER

All eyes on the train wreck. Sasha angrily puts her badge and gun on desk and clears out her stuff while two security guards wait. They escort her out.

ACT 3

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

Duncan conferring with his lawyer, upset that he had to plead guilty. Fine wasn’t a problem, but now he’s in the system. How will he get info without paying for it?

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sasha meeting an executive recruiter for lunch. Delia’s bad press dominating her Google page. Ex-boss calling her untrustworthy. She’s unemployable in environmental field and in law enforcement. Couldn’t get a private security job if she wanted it.

EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sasha gets a call from her Mom, Helen. Sasha says she’s fine and asks what’s wrong. Is she taking her insulin? Needy mom upset she hasn’t visited. She works too hard.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

Duncan interviewing a new private investigator. This one insists Duncan tell him what he’s really looking for in these suspicious death cases. Hints at the unexplainable – he’s a believer, too. Delia’s gotten to him.

INT. DELIA’S CORPORATE APARTMENT – EVENING

Duncan tells Delia to stop interfering. Delia has a deep list and can get to anyone Duncan is considering. She’s just looking out for him, wondering if he’s seeing creatures like ten years ago. He protests he wasn’t in his right mind then.

EXT. NECKER ISLAND RESORT – VARIOUS – DAY

Dream sequence of Duncan with daughter Caitlyn at her sweet 16 party, excited for Katy Perry to show up. Hurricane hits, their beach house is inundated. They’re swept away. Duncan loses her, and sees in the distance a watery creature take her.

INT. DUNCAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Duncan bolts upright in bed as he awakens from his nightmare.

INT. SASHA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Sasha looking at a notice that her rent is doubling. Also pays the minimum on her credit card. Notice from credit card company that they are raising their rates. She calls her mother, asks if she can come home for a while.

INT. HELEN’S CONDO – NEW JERSEY – NEXT DAY

Sasha’s mother Helen says the EPA was too political for her, and maybe losing (quitting?) the job was a good thing. Maybe she can find something that will give her time for a relationship, too. Something that shows Helen is needy.

ACT 4

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – DAY

On one screen, Zack is announcing the DOJ settlement with Price Oil for $2 billion (4^th largest for environmental violations in EPA history), while Duncan is working other screens for info on the investigation. Sees Sasha’s photo (in full EPA uniform) and Googles her.

INT. HELEN’S CONDO – DAY

Miserable Sasha is on laptop, sending out resumes and cover letters. Helen is nearby, knitting. Sasha has had no responses or inquiries from LinkedIn. Helen is annoying and depressing. Sasha storms out.

INT. LOCAL SHOP-RITE – DAY

Sasha is holding an application form, envisioning herself at the checkout counter ringing up an order. In her fantasy, the person buying the food is Zack. She shakes it off when she hears her phone ring. Answers automatically. It’s Duncan.

INT. HELEN’S CONDO – DAY

Sasha is excitedly explaining to Helen who Duncan is and what he does. She’s going to be his assistant, helping to fund climate scientists and supportive politicians. Sasha expecting a car but a helicopter arrives, instead.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

Duncan needs an investigator to find creatures from 55 million years ago. If his theory is correct, they will absorb vast amounts of greenhouse gases. He’s chosen Sasha because she would never betray him to Delia, who could seize control of his trust fund if he’s found delusional. Sasha is disappointed and angry. If he’s trying to make up for his family’s sins, he can’t risk his fortune by hunting these creatures. His promises of money are worthless. She storms out.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – DAY

In the training area, Duncan is slamming a boxing bag to relieve his frustration that Sasha has crippled his plan to hunt the creatures.

INT. HELICOPTER – DAY

Sasha receives a call from her mother. Helen’s diabetes has led to severe kidney disease. She may need dialysis and has no one but Sasha to rely on.

ACT 5

INT. HELEN’S CONDO – EVENING

Helen is so grateful Sasha moved in with her. What good luck. She can’t afford to hire help. Sasha sees her independence slipping away.

EXT. SASHA’S CHEVY BOLT – NEXT DAY

Sasha’s shiny electric car glides down a highway.

INT. CHEVY BOLT – CONTINUOUS

Sasha, driving, is on the hands-free phone inquiring about the cost of home care. She tries to keep her temper during the conversation.

EXT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – LATER

Sasha buzzes in at the front gate, is told Duncan is not available. Sasha reminds the housekeeper she was there yesterday. Can she please wait?

INT. DUNCAN’S MANSION – PARLOR – SHORT TIME LATER

Sasha is taking in the art work when Duncan enters. She apologizes for her behavior yesterday. She wants the job. Lies and says she believes in the creatures. Duncan: great, can you start today? Sasha, reacting to Duncan’s eagerness, adds one condition: after three years, she wants him to fund a foundation for her so she can be her own boss and fight climate change directly.

INT. DUNCAN’S LAIR – MOMENTS LATER

As Duncan shows Sasha the wall of suspicious deaths, she comments that there’s nothing causal between the events. It’s just a collection. He briefs her on the recent incident, and she dissuades him from sending her to interview more people for sightings. What they need is cause of death. Duncan contacts the California Attorney General for help with a special autopsy of the bodies.

INT. DUNCAN’S GUEST HOUSE – A FEW DAYS LATER

Sasha is directing the movers bringing in her furniture while on the phone with her mom, who’s complaining about the aide. Duncan calls.

INT. DUNCAN’S HOME OFFICE – SHORT TIME LATER

As crime scene photos come across Duncan’s laptop, the biologist who attended the special autopsy reports that the bodies were cooked from the inside out. Duncan notes that the interior of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have risen quickly to 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. After biologist leaves, Duncan says it was his creature and shows Sasha a photo of a scorch mark that looks like a claw, at least to him.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Setting Up the Future

I learned from this assignment that the set ups can be brief, one-liners as well as larger parts of scenes.

Lesson 9: Set-Ups for Future Episodes

List of Set-Ups:

· Once Sasha takes the job, she asks Duncan how you kill this creature. Duncan shows her his private shooting gallery. Would prefer to take an assault rifle, but he needs a concealed weapon. Shows her a TBD gun. Thinking Duncan’s delusional, she says she’ll handle it—she’s used to carrying a firearm.

· After Delia learns that Duncan hired Sasha, 1) she wants to know everything about this young woman, or 2) she is looking at a dossier she’s had compiled on Sasha and notes that her father disappeared years ago.

· Set up Duncan’s trusting nature: he doesn’t need any background checks, recommendations on Sasha—that’s not his style.

· Sasha asks if anyone else knows about these creatures. Duncan thinks so, but he can’t risk Delia finding out he is pursuing these creatures. He knows it sounds crazy.

· Have a dream sequence to hint that Duncan lost his daughter in an extreme hurricane and he was there.

· Revealing that Sasha’s father abandoned her and her mom to set up the possibility of his return.

Big Picture Set-Ups

· The father-daughter relationship between Duncan and Sasha.

· Future Pursuit of the Creatures

· Will Delia be able seize control of Duncan or his money?

· How does their mission change Duncan and Sasha?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Adding Empathy/Distress!

I learned from this assignment that I already had a lot of empathy/distress moments, but I could sharpen them, give them more emotional impact. Not sure I will use all of them, but this is what my brainstorming came up with:

Lesson 8: Building in Empathy/Distress

Part 1:

Crucible: Trapped in a situation of severe test where great change takes place.

· Sasha is trying to prove collusion between Delia and “friend with benefits” and that provokes Delia into framing her and getting her fired. It also provokes her into publicizing Sasha’s disgrace and turns her mentor into an adversary.

· Duncan is trying to convince Sasha to work with him on tracking creatures and has to overcome her reluctance without leading her to believe he’s deranged.

Betrayal: The violation of a trust, relationship or contract that results in physical or psychological damage.

· Sasha is betrayed by her “friend with benefits” and loses the career she loves—her calling.

· Sasha is betrayed by her mentor/boss when she believes Sasha is guilty as opposed to being framed. Once again, trust leads to losing something dear to her.

· Duncan is betrayed by his sister, who is scheming to have him institutionalized so she can stop his climate activism. They were close as children, but now she considers him an enemy.

Forced Decision: Must do the thing they would never do.

· Sasha must give up her career.

· Duncan must put innocents at risk to attract his creatures [note, that’s not currently in the pilot]

Hurt Those They Love: The only way to survive is to do damage to their loved ones.

· Duncan will have to oust Delia as CEO, have her held liable for collusion (which will help redeem Sasha).

· Delia must stop Duncan’s activism at any cost, even institutionalizing him.

Emotional Dilemma: Must choose between two equally distressing choices.

· Sasha must choose whether to let Delia win and avoid criminal prosecution or try to prove she colluded with her friend at the DOJ.

· Duncan must choose between keeping his secret or enabling Delia to put him away.

Exposed: Something hidden about the character is uncovered, either good or bad. How does the character respond?

· Duncan’s role in the death of his daughter is revealed, deepening his sense of guilt.

· Duncan’s breakdown when his daughter died is revealed, making him worry that Sasha will consider him delusional and manage him more than help him.

Must Make Decision with Future Consequences.

· Sasha decides to join up with Duncan, even though she thinks he’s delusional.

· Duncan reveals to Sasha that he’s really hunting creatures whose deaths will reverse climate change, making himself vulnerable to Delia finding out and institutionalizing him.

Part 2

Step 1

Undeserved Misfortune:

· Sasha loses her career-making criminal indictment of Delia’s company through betrayal.

· Sasha is framed for burying evidence.

· Sasha is fired from a job she considered a calling.

· Sasha is unemployable in her field due to Delia’s publicity and her former mentor’s negative reviews of her character.

· Duncan lost his daughter during an extreme hurricane.

External Character Conflicts:

· Delia vs. Sasha over the future of Delia’s company.

· Delia vs. Duncan over his environmental activism.

· Sasha vs. Friend with Benefits over the punishment of Delia’s company.

Plot Intruding on Life

· Delia trying to have Duncan declared incompetent so she can control him.

Plans That Failed:

· Sasha’s plan to prove Delia was colluding with her friend from DOJ.

· Duncan’s plan to piggyback on the investigation of the suspicious wildfire deaths.

· Duncan’s plan to hire Sasha (before he sweetens the deal).

Witnessing the Pain of Others:

· Sasha witnesses Duncan’s pain when he’s served with papers from his ex-wife forbidding him to visit his daughter’s grave (Note: not yet in pilot).

Extreme Consequences:

· Sasha is unemployable in her field after trying to prove collusion between Delia and her DOJ friend.

· Duncan is arrested trying to get information about the investigation into the suspicious wildfire deaths.

Major Loss:

· Sasha was abandoned by her father when she was thirteen.

· Duncan lost his teenaged daughter in an extreme hurricane.

Brings Their Wound Present

· The betrayal of Sasha’s friend at the DOJ splits open the wound of her father’s betrayal in abandoning her and her mother.

· Sasha’s former mentor not believing she’s been framed splits open the wound of her father’s betrayal in abandoning her and her mother.

· Sasha’s career loss splits open the wound behind why she was devoted to protecting the planet in the first place—to be nothing like the father who abandoned her, who was responsible for dumping chemicals that killed hundreds of fish.

· Duncan’s dream splits open the wound of the loss of his daughter.

Step 2

More painful:

· Sasha is a cashier at a grocery store to make some money to pay off credit card debt.

· When Duncan is arrested, his mug shot is taken, he’s fingerprinted, and he’s placed in a cell.

Raise the stakes:

· If Duncan is convicted, he won’t be able to do any more investigating of suspicious deaths, because he’ll be in the system.

· After Sasha is framed and fired, she can’t get any other law enforcement job, even as a security guard.

· When Sasha takes a job with Duncan, Delia and her company will be more at risk, because Sasha will keep Delia from stopping Duncan’s activism.

Create More Loss:

· The loss of Sasha’s independence because moving home means taking care of her needy mother.

Put any Goal, Need, Value, Wound at significant risk:

· Sasha’s need to let people in is battered by the betrayals of her friend at the DOJ and her mentor at work.

· Duncan’s need, to be worthy of redemption, is hanging by a thread if he can’t find a partner he can trust.

Time This to be at the Worst Moment:

· Sasha loses her career just when the rates on her credit card debt spike—debt she assumed because of the higher cost of living.

· Duncan is arrested when he is in between private investigators.

Make it more physically threatening:

· Duncan is man-handled when arrested at crime scene.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Open Loops and Mysteries

I learned from this assignment that the mysteries and open loops are good for adding “tip of the iceberg” intrigue to the outline.

Main Mystery

Is Duncan delusional or do these creatures really exist?

Sub-Mysteries

· Why is Duncan so obsessed with these creatures?

· Has mental health been an issue for Duncan?

· Why did Duncan turn against his family?

· Why did Duncan and Delia split apart?

· What really happened when Duncan’s daughter died?

· Why is Sasha so driven to protect the planet?

· Why does Sasha have this reservoir of anger ready to come to the surface?

· Why does Sasha have a fraught relationship with her mother?

Main Open Loop

What are these creatures?

Sub-Open Loops

· Why is Duncan so passionate about these particular deaths?

· What’s behind Duncan looking at suspicious deaths?

· What is Sasha going to do next to protect the planet?

· Will Duncan track down the creatures?

· Will Sasha ever believe that these creatures are real?

· What will happen when Duncan and Sasha encounter a creature?

· Will Sasha ever believe that these creatures are real?

· What really happens when these creatures die?

· What is making the creatures go after humans?

· Will Delia be able to stop Duncan?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Stacking Intrigue

I learned from this assignment that stacking intrigue can uncover plot points, new characters, and enhance character motivations.

Act 1:

Intrigue Deception: Delia says she will fight the criminal indictment in court.

Intrigue: Boss and colleague comment to never count Delia out, and express wonder at Sasha’s ability to get indictment.

Intrigue Hidden Agenda: The private investigator makes a phone call right after he leaves Duncan’s mansion.

Intrigue Conspiracy: Delia tells her lawyer to get a back channel to the DOJ.

Intrigue Hidden Layer: Sasha’s “friend with benefits” is hurt by her inability to show commitment.

Intrigue Strange Behavior: The private investigator presses Duncan on what he is “really” looking for

Sasha Turning Point: Sasha learns the oil company is settling with the Department of Justice—thanks to her friend with benefits.

Duncan Turning Point: Duncan finds out his private investigator is betraying him to his sister, Delia.

Act 2:

Intrigue Strange Behavior: Her boss advises her take the win (the fine) and to drop the collusion effort.

Intrigue Conspiracy: Delia contacts somebody about “the evidence.”

Intrigue: Duncan calls the Secretary of the Interior for permission to go to the wildfire zone.

Intrigue Hidden Agenda: Duncan is trying to obtain files on the investigation to get the names of the people who were first on the scene.

Intrigue Deception: Her friend with benefits confirmed that Sasha’s burying evidence was the reason the DOJ went with the settlement.

Intrigue Accusation: Sasha’s boss accuses her of burying evidence.

Sasha Turning Point: Delia has Sasha framed and fired.

Duncan Turning Point: Duncan is arrested for interfering with an investigation.

Act 3:

Intrigue Conspiracy: Delia leaks the story of Sasha’s firing to an online industry newsletter, and it spreads enough to make it come up on her Google page.

Intrigue Mystery: Why is Sasha telling her mother’s she’s fine and instead focusing on her mom’s problems?

Intrigue Secret Identity: Sasha’s boss changes from her mentor into her obstacle as she tells prospective employers that they shouldn’t hire her.

Intrigue Mystery: Delia obtains a list with names on it.

Intrigue Strange Behavior: Duncan’s candidate for new investigator presses him on being open about what he’s really looking for.

Sasha Turning Point: Sasha is forced to move in with her mother because she can’t afford rent. Their relationship is toxic and opens Sasha’s childhood wound.

Duncan Turning Point: Delia lets Duncan know she’ll compromise any investigator he tries to hire—she’s trying to figure out what Duncan is really up to with his investigation into suspicious deaths.

Act 4:

Intrigue Mystery: Why does Duncan need someone with investigative skills to work with him?

Intrigue Strange Behavior: Duncan’s wall of suspicious deaths is a collection of information, not a pattern

Intrigue Hidden Layer: Duncan believes Sasha is his only chance for finding and killing these creatures.

Sasha Turning Point: Sasha is convinced Duncan is delusional and declines the job.

Duncan Turning Point: Duncan’s plan to enlist Sasha, and continue his dream of fighting these creatures, falls apart.

Act 5:

Intrigue Mystery: How can Duncan be going to the crime scene if he was arrested there not long ago?

Intrigue Deception: Sasha deceives the local authorities into believing she’s a consultant for the EPA.

Intrigue Mystery: The crime scene photos deepen the mystery: what happened here?

Intrigue Secret Identity: Sasha is the caretaker, humoring Duncan’s delusions but not letting him go too far.

Intrigue: Sasha convinces Duncan that the answers lie with the bodies.

Turning Point: Sasha and Duncan discover that the bodies were cooked from the inside out and the inside of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have quickly risen to 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. Also, the outside of the busted door had an unidentifiable scorch mark that Duncan believes was made by a creature. Where do they go from here?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Layers and Reveals

What I learned from this assignment was that the layers were already in my framework, I just had to design when and how to reveal.

Layers

Act 1

· Sasha is only superficially friendly with her colleagues; underneath, she doesn’t let people in.

· Duncan’s obsession with suspicious deaths from extreme climate events is really to find a way to track the creatures he seeks.

· Sasha’s friend at the DOJ has fallen for her despite her not letting him in emotionally.

Act 2

· Sasha’s anger bubbles to the surface as she tries to get help from colleagues and sources to prove Delia-DOJ collusion.

· Duncan’s impracticality, idealism and entitlement come to the surface as he tries to join the investigation.

Act 3

· Duncan’s nightmare hints at his responsibility for the death of his daughter during a hurricane.

· Sasha’s dream is to fight climate change for a living. The seeds of wanting to protect the planet come from not wanting to be anything like her father, who abandoned her.

· Sasha has been a caretaker of her mother since her father abandoned them.

Act 4

· Sasha has a vengeful streak.

· Duncan is desperate to continue pursuing these creatures because of their potential to reverse climate change, which will help atone for the sins of his family producing greenhouse gases for 150 years.

Cover-Ups

Act 1

· Sasha is cool, calm and collected – a superstar at work, tantalizingly mysterious in relationships.

· Duncan is a billionaire philanthropist who supports climate scientist and politicians who are actively combating climate change.

· Duncan’s private obsession is with suspicious deaths during extreme climate events.

Act 3

· According to Delia, Duncan admitted to seeing a sea creature when he and his daughter were swept away in a hurricane. But just the ravings of a grief-stricken father.

Reveals

Act 1

· Sasha has no friends: nobody to celebrate her big score at work. She has calculated relationships, like with her friend at the DOJ.

· Sasha’s friend at the DOJ wants to be more but she won’t let him in.

· Duncan is a regular billionaire activist in his public life, but in his private life he is obsessed with suspicious deaths during extreme climate events.

· Duncan discovers the private investigator he hired is working for his sister.

· Delia, CEO of major petroleum company, is Duncan’s sister.

· Sasha’s friend at the DOJ has betrayed her and sided with Delia.

Act 2

· Because she only has superficial relationships, Sasha has no one willing to stand up for her when she is framed for manufacturing evidence.

· Duncan can’t buy his way into everything—he’s going to need outside help with the investigations into suspicious deaths.

Act 3

· Sasha’s father abandoned the family when she was thirteen.

· Sasha’s father worked at a pharmaceutical plant and was responsible for polluting the river that caused the death of hundreds of fish.

· Delia is trying to figure out what Duncan is really up to with his investigation into suspicious deaths, that’s why she’ll keep compromising anyone he’s working with.

· Duncan had a breakdown after his daughter died, and told his sister at that time that he saw a mysterious creature take her away.

Act 4

· Duncan believes the creatures spawned by global warming 55 million years ago are back because of the buildup of greenhouse gases today.

· Duncan believes killing these creatures causes them to absorb 50 times their weight in greenhouse gases.

· As much as Sasha wants to be affiliated with Duncan, she draws the line at taking care of a delusional man (a parallel to not wanting to take care of her mother).

Act 5

· The bodies killed in the Teaser were cooked from the inside out, and the fire didn’t reach the house. But there is a scorch mark and indentation on the broken-in door.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Character Storylines

I learned from this assignment that character arcs are essential to a character-driven series.

Sasha begins as an EPA superstar who is framed and fired and ends up working for a billionaire activist who seems delusional.

Sasha’s Storyline Structure

· Beginning: An EPA investigator is about to take down a major oil company, with the help of her friend at the Department of Justice.

· Turning Point 1: Her friend at the DOJ betrays her and orchestrates a financial settlement with the oil company’s CEO.

· Dilemma: Has to decide whether to fight the settlement by proving that CEO Delia and her friend at DOJ are colluding.

· Midpoint: After coming up empty, framed by Delia and fired.

· Turning Point 2: Unemployable in her field, has to move in with her mother because she can’t afford rent.

· Major Conflict: Wants the job assisting Duncan with supporting climate science, not the job he’s offered: to track down creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases.

· Ending: Gets what she really wants: the chance to fight climate change on her terms, because if she works for Duncan for three years, he’ll fund an environmental foundation for her. Goes on her first case and discovers something unexplainable.

Duncan starts as an impractical, impulsive billionaire activist with a secret mission he can’t complete alone, and ends up with the partner best suited for the task.

Duncan’s Storyline Structure

· Beginning: A billionaire activist supports climate science by day, and is obsessed with suspicious deaths from extreme climate events by night. Totally impractical, he’s made no progress.

· Turning Point 1: Betrayed by his private investigator, who is working for Delia.

· Midpoint: Tries to investigate suspicious deaths on his own, but money doesn’t grant access and he ends up being arrested.

· Turning Point 2: Delia warns Duncan that she’ll compromise any private investigator he tries to hire.

· Dilemma: Has to find someone with top-notch investigative skills who won’t betray him to Delia.

· Major Conflict: Desperate to reverse climate change by killing the creatures, but he needs Sasha, who is backing away because she thinks he’s delusional.

· Ending: Duncan sweetens the deal and Sasha agrees to come on board. They go back to the site of the suspicious deaths and find something unexplainable.

Outline – first version

Teaser:

· Essence: A family protects its home from a threatening wildfire and then settles down to dinner.

· Turning Point: A large reptilian head, eye and jaws prominent, appears at the window. After a beat, the door bursts inward, and we see the startled faces of the family members.

Act 1:

· Essence: (S Opening) Sasha is a superstar at the EPA, about to take down a major oil company. No friends to celebrate with—only a friend with benefits.

· Essence: (D Opening) Billionaire Duncan supports climate science by day, obsessed with suspicious deaths from extreme climate events by night. No practical skills—must rely on others.

· (D-TP1) Duncan finds out his private investigator is betraying him to his sister, Delia.

· (S-TP1) Sasha learns the oil company is settling with the Department of Justice—thanks to her friend with benefits.

Act 2:

· (S Dilemma) Sasha has to decide whether to fight the settlement by proving that CEO Delia and her friend at DOJ are colluding.

· Essence: A furious Sasha tries to upend the settlement by accusing her “friend” and Delia, CEO of oil company of collusion. Can’t prove it.

· Essence: Duncan tries investigating incident from teaser on his own and he’s a disaster.

· (S-Midpoint) Delia has Sasha framed and fired.

· (D-Midpoint) Duncan tries to use contacts and money to gain access, and he’s arrested for interfering with an investigation.

Act 3:

· Essence: Sasha discovers she’s unemployable. Her dream of protecting the planet, for a living, is destroyed.

· Essence: Duncan, stymied in his mission, is plagued by nightmares of his dead teenaged daughter.

· (S-TP2) Sasha is forced to move in with her mother because she can’t afford rent. Their relationship is toxic and opens Sasha’s childhood wound.

· (D-TP2) Delia lets Duncan know she’ll compromise any investigator he tries to hire.

Act 4:

· Essence: Sasha is a mess when she discovers her “friend” is getting a promotion after colluding with Delia.

· (D-Dilemma) Duncan needs an investigator who will never betray him to his sister.

· Essence: Sasha hates Delia, so she fits the bill for Duncan. He approaches her about joining him in his work and at first, she’s thrilled.

· (S-Major Conflict) Sasha wants to assist Duncan with supporting climate science, not the job he’s offered: to track down creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases.

· (D-Major Conflict): Duncan is desperate to reverse climate change by killing the creatures, but he needs Sasha, who is backing away because she thinks he’s delusional.

· Turning Point: Sasha learns Duncan is delusional and declines the job.

· Turning Point: Duncan’s plan to enlist Sasha, and continue his dream of fighting these creatures, falls apart.

Act 5:

· (D ending) Duncan sweetens the deal, promising to fund an environmental foundation for Sasha after three years’ time.

· (S Ending) Sasha takes a leap of faith (a first) and signs on. Gets what she really wants: the chance, in three years, to fight climate change on her terms.

· Essence: Sasha bluffs her way into the investigation of the incident in the Teaser, has Duncan arrange for a special autopsy.

Lock-in: Sasha and Duncan discover that the bodies were cooked from the inside out and the inside of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have quickly risen to 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. Also, the outside of the busted door had an unidentifiable scorch mark, that Duncan believes was made by a creature. Where do they go from here?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Pilot Structure

I learned from this assignment that I have a lot of elevating to do with my turning points, and more brainstorming on the dramatic essence of my scenes. In other words, this is a first pass.

Lesson 3: Creating Your Pilot Structure

Teaser:

· Essence: A family protects its home from a threatening wildfire and then settles down to dinner.

· Turning Point: A large reptilian head, eye and jaws prominent, appears at the window. After a beat, the door bursts inward, and we see the startled faces of the family members.

Act 1:

· Essence: Sasha is a superstar at the EPA, about to take down a major oil company. No friends to celebrate with—only a friend with benefits. Billionaire Duncan is supports climate science by day, obsessed with suspicious deaths from extreme climate events by night. No practical skills—must rely on others.

· Turning Point: Sasha learns the oil company is settling with the Department of Justice—thanks to her friend with benefits. Duncan finds out his private investigator is betraying him to his sister, Delia.

Act 2:

· Essence: A furious Sasha tries to upend the settlement by accusing her “friend” and Delia, CEO of oil company of collusion. Can’t prove it. Duncan tries investigating incident from teaser on his own and he’s a disaster.

· Turning Point/Midpoint: Delia has Sasha framed and fired. Duncan tries to use contacts and money to gain access, and he’s arrested for interfering with an investigation.

Act 3:

· Essence: Sasha discovers she’s unemployable. Her dream of protecting the planet, for a living, is destroyed. Duncan, stymied in his mission, is plagued by nightmares of his dead teenaged daughter.

· Turning Point: Sasha is forced to move in with her mother because she can’t afford rent. Their relationship is toxic and opens Sasha’s childhood wound. Delia lets Duncan know she’ll compromise any investigator he tries to hire.

Act 4:

· Essence: Sasha is a mess when she discovers her “friend” is getting a promotion after colluding with Delia. Duncan needs an investigator who will never betray him to his sister—Sasha fits the bill. He approaches her about joining him in his work and at first, she’s thrilled.

· Turning Point: Sasha learns Duncan is delusional and hesitates about taking the job, while Duncan’s plan to enlist Sasha, and continue his dream of fighting these creatures, is about to fall apart.

Act 5:

· Essence: Duncan sweetens the deal, promising to fund a foundation for Sasha after three years’ time. Sasha takes a leap of faith (a first) and signs on. Sasha bluffs her way into the investigation of the incident in the Teaser, has Duncan arrange for a special autopsy.

· Lock-in: Sasha and Duncan discover that the bodies were cooked from the inside out and the inside of the house was slightly charred, but not the outside. The temperature had to have quickly risen to 200 degrees to kill those people as they ate dinner. That just doesn’t happen. Also, the outside of the busted door had an unidentifiable scorch mark, that Duncan believes was made by a creature. Where do they go from here?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is the bingeworthy aspect of the pilot (making the whole thing the inciting incident) made me look back to re-evaluate the pilot and subsequent episodes I put in the TV Pitch Bible.

Lesson 2: Pilot as Incredible Inciting Incident

The “inciting incident” of my series is the teaming up of Sasha and Duncan because neither has a choice if they want to fulfill their most important goals and quell their negative narratives.

Beats of Inciting Incident

Intriguing Concept: Sasha is going achieve her heart’s desire, protecting the planet for a living, if she humors a delusional billionaire activist whose search for primeval creatures will turn out to be real.

Act 1: Sasha is a superstar at the EPA, about to bring down a major petroleum company and Duncan contributes to climate science and supportive politicians by day and obsesses over suspicious deaths during extreme climate events.

Midpoint: Because Sasha fights back after Delia and her Department of Justice friend collude on a settlement, she is framed and her reputation is destroyed. She’s now unemployable and has to move back in with her mother, with whom she has a fraught relationship. Meanwhile, Duncan, who has no practical investigative experience, finds out that Delia will compromise anyone he hires to help. His quest to find the creatures is blocked.

Lock-in: After losing her dream job protecting the planet, making herself unemployable, and moving in with her mother because she can’t afford rent, she takes the job with Duncan, even though she thinks he’s delusional, because he guarantees that he’ll fund an environmental foundation for her. She will be her own boss doing what she loves best! And after being stalled in his search for creatures, Duncan can now return to the mission driving him since the death of his teenaged daughter, with a partner who will never betray him to Delia.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Big Picture Components

From this assignment I learned that all the work that went into the bingeworthy framework and the TV Pitch Bible led directly into the broad stroke components of what will eventually be my outline.

Lesson 1: Big Picture Components

SERIES INFO

· World: the uncharted world of primeval creatures that sprung from the build-up of greenhouse gases, just as they did 55 million years ago.

· Main Mystery: the provenance of these primeval creatures, and their powers (how do you kill them, what happens when you do?).

· Impossible Goal: Help reverse climate change.

· Main Conflict: Duncan and Sasha vs. the creatures. Delia wants to stop Duncan from supporting climate change scientists and advocates.

· Second mystery: How will Duncan and Sasha change each other for the better?

· Season 1 Arc: From being framed and having her reputation ruined to teaming up with a potentially delusional billionaire activist to discovering that the creatures he’s seeking are real—but apparently unstoppable.

· Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: from emotionally distant and quick to anger to starting to trust Duncan and manage her anger.

PILOT INFO

· Pilot Conflict: Delia destroys Sasha’s reputation and thus her dream of protecting the planet and comes close to finding out Duncan’s secret… and now Sasha’s only choice is to team up with a delusional Duncan.

· Main Characters Introduced: Sasha, Duncan, Delia, Sasha’s Mother, Sasha’s friend at the Department of Justice, Duncan’s Ex-Wife.

· Inciting incident of Season 1: A disgraced and unemployable Sasha must team up with Duncan to keep her dream of protecting the planet alive, even though she believes he’s delusional.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Visually Appealing Bible

I found a number of pictures to convey aspects of the concept, plot and characters, but I was not satisfied that I had the visual logline.

From this assignment, I learned that finding the pictures with enough open space for copy that still conveyed my tone was a difficult task. I would probably go for professional help in creating a pitch deck derived from my pitch bible.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Edited Pitch Bible

I learned from this assignment that the editing process makes the pitch bible stronger with every pass. Removing the repetition of ideas, making the summary and episodes clear, and making the concise sentences flow were all helpful in getting me to this stage.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Episode Titles

I learned from this assignment that coming at titles from all different angles, and just inventing so many choices, really works on targeting riveting titles. I also didn’t know about the importance of sequencing the titles so they told a story.

Episode 1: A Meeting of the Minds

Episode 2: Evidence of a Delusion

Episode 3: The Midas Touch

Episode 4: Not Our Finest Moment

Episode 5: Beware the Siren’s Call

Episode 6: The Clean Up

Episode 7: Playing with Fire

Episode 8: Thirty Pieces of Silver

Episode 9: Proof is Only a Direction

Episode 10: Killing Ain’t Easy

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

I found places in every section of my pitch bible to rewrite, especially the Summary, which I did a major “intrigue” revision on. The results were a sharper, punchier version of my earlier draft.

I learned from this assignment that the intrigue patterns were helpful with lines and sections of paragraphs. I would just go through and try my sentence each way until I got the best one possible. I also tried to improve set-ups and pay-offs, giving the reader information while maintaining questions or open loops. This was a difficult exercise and I’m sure I will have more revisions in the future.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Intrigue Patterns

I learned from this assignment that not only do alternative versions of a line make it more intriguing, it can actually flow to the next sentences or the rest of the paragraph.

Lesson 8: Writing with Intrigue!

Pitch Bible Sentence: EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a calling to fight climate change and is in the perfect job for it.

Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

All EPA investigator Sasha Lambert wants to do is fight climate change, but her dream job may stir up powerful enemies that will stop at nothing to take her down.

Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a dream job fighting climate change, but cynical colleagues suspect she will sacrifice the moral high-ground for the chance to score a major victory.

Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.

EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a dream job fighting climate change, but is frustrated by major energy companies getting off with slaps on the wrist. What can she do to hit them harder? And is her current whistleblower the key?

Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done something.

All her colleagues at the EPA are congratulating investigator Sasha Lambert on proving that Price Oil has committed criminal transgressions. But the CEO is certain Sasha cut corners, and is out to take her down.

But maybe it is all wrong.

Her superiors at the EPA are all impressed that investigator Sasha Lambert has been able to get a criminal indictment against Price Oil. But something is wrong. Price’s CEO is dismissive and the Department of Justice is taking its sweet time.

A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

EPA investigator Sasha Lambert is crushing it at her dream job. She’s finally making real strides fighting climate change by landing a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil. Her superiors are talking promotion. Her boyfriend at the Department of Justice is prosecuting. But why is Price’s CEO dismissive and why is the DOJ taking its sweet time?

If he does something, that means intriguing something.

Just because EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has landed a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil doesn’t mean she pushed the envelope too far, right?

State the mystery.

How does a mid-level EPA investigator land a criminal indictment against a formidable oil giant? And why is the CEO taking it in stride?

Should be/could be something, but it is even worse.

It should be a professional triumph that EPA investigator Sasha Lambert landed a criminal indictment against a formidable oil giant, but Sasha is about to suffer her worst setback ever.

Intense language

EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has struck a blow for climate change by securing a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil. But did she cross a line to do it? And how will the powerful Price CEO respond with Sasha now on her radar?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ TV Pitch Bible Investigation

I learned that the tools are powerful, and they lead down a lot of paths that I would consider putting in the individual scripts, but only a handful of intriguing ones belonged in the TV Pitch Bible

After using the tools, I divided my deeper findings into the 3 categories: Use in Pitch Bible, Use in Episodes, and Don’t Use.

I rewrote my Pitch Bible to reflect the following:

In SUMMARY

I raised the stakes for Sasha by making her financial situation even more dire: she owes thousands in student loans.

In CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

I added to Sasha’s description that she rarely trusts anyone, and she learned that because her father deserted her and her mom when Sasha was thirteen.

In SEASONS

The cover-up of the creatures is not Delia: it’s engineered by the CEO of a major energy conglomerate who recently became fused with a creature during a severe flooding event.

After Duncan and Sasha kill a creature, they arrange to have it loaded into a truck, escorted by them and a security detail. The truck is hijacked by masked militia types who hood and tie up Duncan and Sasha and the surviving security guards. The fused Creature/CEO receives word the hijacking was successful.

Duncan’s ex-wife reconciles with him after their daughter is found alive.

In EPISODES

When Duncan is injured in the methane explosion, so are other people and one person is killed. That proves Sasha’s fear of hurting innocent bystanders.

When Duncan and Sasha confront a creature, Duncan shoots at it but the bullets ricochet off of the creature’s armored skin. Sasha is wounded and he has to get them both away, which they barely do.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson 6: Opening Summary That Sells the Season

I learned from this assignment that writing a summary as good as the one for Ozark is my goal, and also that improving this summary may require re-thinking of some of my binge-worthy elements.

Phyllis’ Show Summary:

DUNCAN’S FOLLY

One Hour Supernatural Drama

EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has the perfect job to fulfill her calling to fight climate change. It’s her life. She’s even got Price Oil in her crosshairs, with a criminal indictment. She’s riding high. Then it all falls apart when her boyfriend at Justice betrays her to obtain a career-making settlement with Price’s CEO. The condition? Sasha is fired for malfeasance. Now, she is kryptonite in her field. And her meager savings are running out. What she wouldn’t give to be:

Billionaire environmental activist Duncan Price. Black sheep of the oil dynasty that bears his name, he funds climate scientists and supportive politicians and, at night in his mansion, pursues his secret hobby, following stories of suspicious deaths during extreme climate events. He has clippings covering a wall, police investigation style. But it’s not going well. He’s having a fiery argument with his private investigator about his poor performance. After firing him, Duncan surveys the room, distraught.

Sasha is packing up to move in with her mom when she hears a helicopter droning overhead. It’s from Duncan, who wants to meet. Now. Blown away, Sasha finds herself at his mansion, listening to how impressed he was that she caused his sister to pay the biggest fine in company history. He offers her a job, which she assumes will involve his usual endeavors. But after Sasha signs a non-disclosure agreement, Duncan reveals their true mission.

He wants to hire her as an investigator to track down deadly creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases.

A dumbstruck Sasha listens to him say that he’ll do the killing. And they’ll be doing more than protecting innocent lives; if his theory is correct, these creatures will absorb immense amounts of greenhouse gases when they die. This may be the most important fight against climate change she’ll ever undertake.

Great, the man is delusional. Off her hesitation, Duncan sweetens the deal: if she stays for three years, he’ll fund an environmental foundation for her. Given that carrot, Sasha figures she can do a little humoring.

But how far will she go, and how far will she let Duncan go, in pursuit of these imaginary creatures, especially when they turn out to be real?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Episode Descriptions

I learned from this assignment that you can have character arc moments along with the external goal actions to develop a rich set of episodes.

Episode 1:

Hook/Intrigue: Sasha is fired from her dream job and is unemployable.

Main Character Journey: Sasha wants to make an impact fighting climate change.

Major Challenge/Conflict: She is out of options but won’t give up, despite her mother’s admonitions.

Action/Reaction: Duncan approaches Sasha because she forced his sister to pay her highest fine, ever, and she accepts, thinking she’ll be supporting climate scientists and like-minded politicians.

Cliffhanger: Sasha learns Duncan’s mission is to track and kill creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases and has to decide whether to stay in or back out.

Episode 2:

Hook/Intrigue: Sasha has agreed to the sweetened deal and accompanies Duncan to a contained wildfire, where three bodies have been cooked from the inside, without a mark on them.

Main Character Journey: Sasha intends to humor Duncan but can’t keep her skeptical, practical side in check.

Major Challenge/Conflict: To tie these bodies to the creatures they seek.

Action/Reaction: Sasha doesn’t want to waste time canvassing for witnesses, and instead pursues Duncan’s scientific contacts to concentrate on the bodies.

Cliffhanger: Sasha finds that every cell of the dead bodies has been infused with greenhouse gases.

Episode 3:

Hook/Intrigue: While “on pause,” Sasha learns more about Duncan the “man child,” but not what’s driving him.

Main Character Journey: Sasha starts to let her guard down and get to know Duncan, whose openness is inviting.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Sasha has difficulty trusting others or letting them in.

Action/Reaction: Sasha doesn’t want to talk about herself, but is curious why Duncan ever worked for the family company at all.

Cliffhanger: Duncan is served with court papers from his ex-wife barring him from visiting his daughter’s gravesite.

Episode 4:

Hook/Intrigue: Sasha and Duncan bond when he helps her get revenge on her ex-boyfriend for conspiring with Delia to get her fired.

Main Character Journey: Sasha succumbs to her flaw of needing revenge, which stems from her childhood wound of abandonment.

Major Challenge/Conflict: The moral dilemma of ruining someone’s life.

Action/Reaction: Duncan has his Senator friend offer a prestigious job to the ex-boyfriend, but after he resigns from the DOJ, the Senator apologizes that the funding for the position didn’t come through.

Cliffhanger: As Sasha and Duncan celebrate their success, they receive the analytics report, cross-referencing suspicious climate-related deaths with areas with high emissions of greenhouse gases.

Episode 5:

Hook/Intrigue: On the hunt, Duncan and Sasha travel to a town with an enormous coal plant, where the most recent suspicious deaths occurred.

Main Character Journey: Sasha reconfirms her flawed worldview—always be suspicious of people’s motives.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A nosy reporter keeps trying to find out what a billionaire environmental activist is doing in their town.

Action/Reaction: Over Sasha’s objections, Duncan gives the prostitute a lot of money to “start a new life.”

Cliffhanger: Sasha was right, the prostitute was working for the news reporter, who has confirmed Duncan is looking for creatures spawned by greenhouse gases.

Episode 6:

Hook/Intrigue: The nosy reporter from the coal town shows up on Duncan’s doorstep wanting to do an in-depth story about his hunt for these creatures

Main Character Journey: Sasha wonders if she’s being too wary about the reporter.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Sasha’s distrust conflicts directly with Duncan’s open and trusting nature.

Action/Reaction: Duncan agrees to the interview because now that the reporter knows, better to get the story right, and the publicity may flush out new leads.

Cliffhanger: The reporter tries to blackmail Duncan to stop his posting his humiliating piece, but Sasha short-circuits that plan by having Duncan use contacts to run the story in The National Inquirer, where it will be dismissed.

Episode 7:

Hook/Intrigue: To hunt down a creature, Duncan decides to use himself as bait, but Sasha protests when she learns innocent bystanders could be hurt.

Main Character Journey: Sasha doesn’t trust her instincts completely so she draws the line at putting innocent people at risk.

Major Challenge/Conflict: The moral dilemma of allowing Duncan to put himself or other people in danger to slay this creature.

Action/Reaction: Using Jupiter Intelligence data, Sasha can predict with high probability when a natural gas leak will happen and release tons of methane, but Duncan doesn’t want to alert the town to the danger until Sasha puts her foot down.

Cliffhanger: When the leak starts, Duncan chases a creature he spies, but as he nears it, the air heats up and an explosion sends Duncan flying.

Episode 8:

Hook/Intrigue: With a seriously injured Duncan in the hospital, Sasha is vulnerable to Delia’s pressure to betray him, for his own good, and hers—Delia will fund her foundation now.

Main Character Journey: Sasha must face down her fear of betrayal, and her tendency to pull the trigger first when she has the chance.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Sasha must decide to take a leap of faith with Duncan or be practical and join forces with Delia to have Duncan committed.

Action/Reaction: Sasha has to talk to Duncan before she goes ahead and betrays him.

Cliffhanger: In the hospital, Duncan confesses to Sasha that he was a terrible father who gave his daughter anything she wanted, including a Sweet 16 on a private Caribbean Island during hurricane season and she was lost when disaster struck.

Episode 9:

Hook/Intrigue: While Duncan is recovering from injury, Sasha investigates on her own and discovers the partial remains of an unidentifiable creature.

Main Character Journey: Sasha learns, like Hamlet, that there’s more to heaven and earth than is thought of in her philosophy.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Sasha must choose whether to side with Duncan or Delia.

Action/Reaction: Sasha infiltrates the quarantined town with the methane leak and, returning to the area of the explosion, finds partial remains of the creature Duncan saw.

Cliffhanger: Sasha turns down Delia’s offer.

Episode 10:

Hook/Intrigue: A renowned scientist friend of Duncan’s sequences the DNA of the creature’s remains and discovers that when the creature absorbs high amounts of greenhouse gases, its body releases energy as intense heat.

Main Character Journey: Sasha’s trust in Duncan pays off when they track down a creature in the coal town.

Major Challenge/Conflict: How do Sasha and Duncan find a living creature?

Action/Reaction: They stake out the largest oil refinery in the country, searching for tremendously high heat signatures.

Cliffhanger: Duncan and Sasha track down the creature, but bullets don’t kill it, and they barely escape with their lives. How do you kill them?

Episode 1:

Sasha is riding high from her EPA investigation that led to criminal prosecution of a major oil company. But she is betrayed by her boyfriend at the Department of Justice, who allows the company to get off with a settlement—one that includes having her fired. Unemployable, she still wants to make an impact fighting climate change.

She is out of options when Duncan shows up, impressed that she forced his sister, the CEO of the oil company, to pay her highest fine, ever. He offers Sasha a high-paying job, but it doesn’t involve funding climate science and supportive politicians. His mission is to slay deadly creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases, and he needs Sasha’s expertise to track them. Convinced he’s delusional, Sasha has to decide whether to stay or flee.

Episode 2:

Sasha accepts a sweetened deal—if she stays for three years, Duncan will pour millions into an environmental foundation she will own. She accompanies him to a contained wildfire, where three bodies have been cooked from the inside, without a mark on them. Duncan believes they’re victims of his creatures. Sasha intends to humor him, but can’t keep her practical side in check. Forget canvassing for witnesses to a creature sighting, she’s sure the answers lie with the bodies.

Duncan and Sasha clash—who’s the boss, here? But Sasha’s stubbornness wins out. Duncan uses his money in all the right places, to arrange for a special autopsy on the bodies, and then to bring in renowned scientists from his network. The answers make no sense—in each body, every cell has been infused with greenhouse gases. Duncan takes that as evidence that these people were victims of his creatures.

Episode 3:

After persuading Duncan that they need his AI-driven data analytics company to crunch numbers to locate these creatures, Sasha experiences what downtime is like with the immature Duncan. He shows her his inner sanctum, a cross between the bat-cave and a Star Wars training facility, and admits he’s always wanted to be a Jedi Knight. He’s even having a laser-based light-saber developed.

Sasha won’t let her guard down and talk about herself, but asks why Duncan ever worked for the family company at all. He laughs that he was born into it, and was being groomed for the top spot until Delia exploited how irresponsible he was. He admits to liking his last job there, as the liaison to sporting and entertainment events—it was glamorous and easy. But he was different then. They’re interrupted as Duncan is served with court papers from his ex-wife barring him from visiting his daughter’s gravesite.

Episode 4:

While Duncan is dealing with his ex in court, Sasha learns that her ex-boyfriend has parlayed his big “win” over Delia’s company into a promotion. Without any close friends to vent to, she tells Duncan she wishes she could get her ex fired like she was. Sasha’s thirst for revenge stems from her childhood wound of abandonment. It overpowers her moral compass that would normally keep her from ruining somebody’s life.

Duncan is from an entitled world that treats people like pawns in a chess game. And he is distraught, with his ex-wife accusing him of being responsible for the death of their daughter. He wants to do something, so he has a Senator friend offer Sasha’s ex a prestigious job. After he resigns, the Senator claims the funding for the position fell through. No time for Sasha to celebrate. The analytics report has arrived, with likely locations identified.

Episode 5:

On the hunt, Duncan and Sasha travel to a town with an enormous coal-fired power plant where the most recent suspicious deaths occurred. The arrival of a billionaire environmental activist puts everybody on edge. A dogged reporter keeps trying to find out why Duncan is there. Sasha warns him to keep quiet about the creatures as she investigates.

Duncan is enchanted by a “lady of the evening” who “services” their hotel. She found the bodies and noticed something strange in the shadows. She’s vague, drawing him out until he shows her a rendering of a creature (how does he have this?) and she confirms her sighting. Sasha, always skeptical about people’s motives, finds out Duncan gave the lady a lot of money to start a new life. Turns out, she was working for the reporter, who now knows Duncan is hunting mysterious creatures.

Episode 6:

The dogged reporter shows up on Duncan’s doorstep wanting to do an in-depth story about his pursuit of the creatures. Sasha’s automatic distrust conflicts directly with Duncan’s open and trusting nature, and he convinces her that he might as well do the interview. Now that the reporter knows, it’s better to get the story right, and the publicity may flush out new leads.

Perhaps Sasha is being too wary about the reporter. But, no, he tries to blackmail Duncan, threatening to expose his delusions in a humiliating piece. Sasha short-circuits that plan by having Duncan use contacts to run an over-the-top story of their own making in The National Inquirer, where it will be dismissed.

Episode 7:

Duncan’s analytics company makes a breakthrough. They can now predict, roughly, when and where a disaster releasing greenhouse gases will occur. That should lure creatures. Duncan decides to be onsite for a predicted natural gas leak, as bait. But that means they can’t warn the surrounding community.

Faced with the moral dilemma of hurting innocents, Sasha puts her foot down. Duncan will have a team masquerading as the gas company evacuate the community as soon as Duncan’s instruments detect the leak. One hour later, they’ll alert the authorities. During Duncan’s short window, he spies a creature and gives chase, but as he nears it, the air heats up and a methane explosion sends Duncan flying.

Episode 8:

Sasha is in the waiting room of the hospital, awaiting word on the badly injured Duncan. Delia arrives and pressures the vulnerable Sasha to testify at a competency hearing that the dangerously delusional Duncan should be committed. Delia adds that, to make up for the betrayal, she will fund Sasha’s foundation right now—not three years from now.

Sasha tries to rationalize that it’s for Duncan’s own good, but she’s torn between being practical or taking a leap of faith. She has to talk to him. She sneaks into his hospital room and Duncan, feeling confessional, reveals that he was a terrible father who gave his daughter anything she wanted, including a Sweet 16 on a private Caribbean Island during hurricane season. Disaster struck, they were swept away, and he swears he saw a creature take her. Now she knows what’s driving him.

Episode 9:

Sasha has decided she needs to investigate one more time before she decides whether to side with Duncan or Delia. She infiltrates the now quarantined town and tracks back to the area of the methane explosion. On the perimeter, hidden in a burnt grove of trees, she finds small biological remains, easily missed. When she has Duncan’s scientist friends examine them, they can’t identify them as any species known to man.

Blown away, Sasha knows what she has isn’t much to go on. But, maybe for the first time, she’s keeping an open mind. She turns down Delia’s offer.

Episode 10:

Duncan is recuperating at home under the care of private doctors. Sasha is with his friend, a renowned bio-engineer, who is examining the remains on a cellular level. An experiment shows that when these cells absorb high levels of greenhouse gases, they release energy as intense heat. Hot enough to cook human organs inside the body.

Sasha realizes they can track these creatures using sophisticated heat sensors. Duncan has that equipment. And since oil refineries are the largest stationary emitters of greenhouse gases, they can stake out the most massive complex in the country. Duncan insists on going with Sasha. Their heat sensors lead them to a creature, and an armed Duncan tries to shoot it down. The bullets have no effect. Sasha and Duncan barely escape with their lives.

So, these creatures are real. But how the hell do you kill them?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Episode List Rough Draft

I learned from this assignment that I could leverage on the work I’ve done before and eventually trial & error my way to rough episodes.

Season Beginning: Sasha, an EPA investigator, is fired because the major oil company she was investigating engineered it. Unemployable, she can only pursue her dream of fighting climate change by accepting a job with Duncan, a billionaire environmental activist. Turns out he’s delusional, believing in creatures that have been spawned by a build-up of greenhouse gases. But, if she sticks with him for three years, he promises to fund an environmental foundation for her.

Season Ending/Cliffhanger: Torn over whether to betray Duncan to save him from further harm, Sasha decides to keep tracking. She finds partial remains that could be the creatures Duncan insists are real. She refuses to help Duncan’s sister, Delia, have him committed. Sasha and a recovered Duncan track a creature, but when Duncan shoots it, it doesn’t die. They barely escape with their lives.

Mystery

Question A: Are the creatures real?

Question B: Duncan reveals his beliefs to Sasha after she accepts the job. Also, people are dying mysteriously during climate-change fueled disasters (fire, tornados, fierce storms). What do these monsters look like? Where can you find them? Can you lure them to you? How do you kill one?

Question C: In the first season, the characters must work to discover whether the creatures are real.

Mystery 1 Set Up: Duncan reveals to Sasha, after she’s signed on, that their real mission is to slay the creatures spawned by the build-up of greenhouse gases. She thinks he’s delusional.

Mystery 1 Solved: Sasha finds partial remains that could be a creature. She and Duncan track and encounter a creature—it’s real. Turns out Duncan is not delusional.

Mystery 2: What turned Duncan into the black sheep of his family?

Mystery 3: What is behind Sasha’s flaw of not trusting others?

Lead Characters’ Journeys

Question A: Sasha starts out with her dream of fighting climate change crushed, and her only job offer is to work with Duncan, who is obviously delusional. Duncan starts out as a failure in his search for the creatures spawned by a build-up in greenhouse gases.

Question B: Sasha trusts Duncan enough to give him a second chance and look for evidence of these creatures herself, while Duncan is recovering from injury. Duncan has a witness—he’s not the only one to have seen one of these creatures, but his assumption about how to kill them was wrong.

Sasha Beginning: Skeptical and distrustful, she takes a job with delusional Duncan because he’s promised to fund her environmental foundation after three years of service.

Sasha Ending: She decides to trust Duncan over his sister Delia and in the last scene encounters a real creature along with Duncan.

Duncan Beginning: Impractical and impulsive, Duncan is a failure in his search for the creatures spawned by a build-up of greenhouse gases.

Duncan Ending: Duncan defers to Sasha’s tracking and in the last scene encounters a creature like the one he saw ten years ago. But his assumption about how to kill them is wrong.

Layers

· Sasha wasn’t fired because she made mistakes in the investigation; she was betrayed by her friend-with-benefits in the DOJ.

· Sasha is prolonging the investigation so that she can last long enough to gain Duncan’s funding for her foundation.

· Duncan let his daughter have a Sweet 16 on a private Caribbean Island during hurricane season; disaster struck and she was lost.

· Duncan’s ex-wife is Delia’s Sustainability Chief at the oil company.

· Delia is trying to have Duncan committed so she can become his guardian and stop his environmental activism.

· Delia’s power marriage is falling apart.

· Sasha’s father abandoned the family when she was thirteen.

· Duncan was an entitled playboy who relished his job as the family oil company’s liaison to sports and entertainment.

· Duncan had a breakdown after his daughter died.

· After Duncan is seriously injured and puts innocent bystanders at risk, Sasha agrees to work with Delia to save Duncan from himself.

· Duncan is not delusional—these creatures are real.

Major Story Lines

Main Story Line: Duncan, with Sasha’s help, is trying to track creatures spawned by greenhouse gases so that he can slay them.

Story Line 2: Sasha the skeptic is humoring Duncan so that her job will last for three years and Duncan will fund her foundation.

Story Line 3: Delia is trying to have Duncan committed so she can control his trust fund and shut him down.

Episode 1: Sasha is fired for political reasons and Duncan is the only one who gives her a chance to continue her dream of fighting climate change.

· Sasha is called back from an investigation to be dismissed.

· Her casual boyfriend at the DOJ cut a deal with Delia to have her fired.

· Sasha tries to find another job fighting climate change, but can’t.

· Duncan, impressed that Sasha made his family oil company pay their biggest fine ever, offers her a job—slaying creatures spawned by built-up greenhouse gas emissions.

· Sasha’s crushed that Duncan is delusional, but agrees to stay because Duncan will fund a foundation for her after three years’ time.

Episode 2: On their first foray together, Sasha is dismayed at Duncan’s scatter-shot investigation, and intervenes because she can’t stand sloppy work.

· Duncan has found three bodies that died from being cooked from the inside, even though they don’t have a mark on them.

· He wants a complete rundown on these people so they can trace their recent whereabouts, and track the creature.

· Sasha is skeptical that they didn’t perish in the wildfire they were found in.

· Rather than just waste time with Duncan’s request, Sasha mines Duncan’s contacts for better information.

Episode 3: Sasha suggests slowing down to do a thorough investigation, but Duncan is impatient until Sasha’s methods yield results, at least for him.

· Sasha and Duncan meet with Jupiter Intelligence, a climate change prediction company.

· Sasha has a crisis with her needy mother and we learn her father deserted them when she was thirteen.

· Duncan is impressed with Sasha’s results that match suspicious climate-related deaths to emissions of greenhouse gases.

Episode 4: Sasha and Duncan bond when he helps her get revenge on her ex-boyfriend for conspiring with Delia to get her fired.

· Sasha finds out her ex-boyfriend got a promotion and is buying a condo to celebrate.

· Duncan is served papers by his ex-wife with a court order barring Duncan from visiting his daughter’s gravesite.

· Delia is having trouble with her power marriage.

· Duncan uses a Senate contact to offer Sasha’s ex a legislative job which he loses after he resigns from the DOJ.

Episode 5: Sasha and Duncan try to avoid a nosy news reporter when they discover a prostitute who claims to have seen a creature.

· Sasha’s investigation leads them to a coal town and the appearance of a billionaire environmental activist puts the town on edge.

· A nosy news reporter tries to get to the bottom of Duncan and Sasha’s visit.

· A prostitute claims to have seen a creature and Duncan believes her while Sasha is skeptical of her motives.

· Duncan becomes enamored of the prostitute and, determined to save her, gives her a lot of money.

· Sasha was right, the prostitute was working for the news reporter, who has confirmed Duncan is looking for creatures spawned by greenhouse gases.

Episode 6: Duncan believes the news reporter will help them publicize the circumstantial evidence they have, but he tries to blackmail him instead.

· The news reporter from the previous episode arrives at Duncan’s mansion with a proposition to do an in-depth story.

· Sasha fears that if Duncan’s delusions are revealed, he’ll be disgraced and she’ll lose her job and her future foundation.

· Duncan has been wary of anyone knowing his true mission, but decides that, rather than have this reporter post half-truths, Duncan will give him the full story.

· The reporter tries to blackmail Duncan by threatening to humiliate him in his post.

· Sasha short-circuits the blackmail by having Duncan use contacts to place the story in The National Inquirer, where it will be dismissed.

Episode 7: To trap a creature, Duncan decides to use himself as bait, but Sasha protests when she learns innocent bystanders could be hurt.

· Sasha, using info from Jupiter Intelligence, makes an educated guess about where a creature will appear next.

· Duncan decides to use himself as bait, but the problem is, they can’t warn anyone about the upcoming methane gas leak or it will be prevented.

· Sasha insists they call in the leak as soon as Duncan’s instruments detect it.

· When the leak starts, Duncan chases a creature he spies, but as he nears it, the air heats up and an explosion sends Duncan flying.

Episode 8: Delia offers to fund Sasha’s foundation if Sasha will testify that Duncan is a danger to himself and others and help get him committed.

· A bruised and concussed Duncan is in the hospital.

· Delia comes to visit, notices Sasha in the waiting room, and comments that Sasha must know how dangerous Duncan’s delusional behavior is.

· Delia offers to fund Sasha’s foundation right away if she testifies at a competency hearing that Duncan needs to be committed.

· Delia has a moment with the unconscious Duncan, revealing how close (and competitive) they were growing up.

Episode 9: While Duncan is recovering from injury, Sasha investigates on her own and discovers the partial remains of an unidentifiable creature.

· Sasha is allowed to see Duncan as he recuperates at home, and he tells her about the creature he nearly caught.

· Delia presses Sasha about her offer.

· Sasha does some sleuthing, with the help of Duncan’s contacts, and discovers the partial remains of an unidentifiable creature.

· Sasha turns down Delia’s offer.

Episode 10: Sasha and Duncan track down a creature, but bullets don’t kill it, and they barely escape with their lives.

· A renowned zoologist friend of Duncan’s sequences the DNA of the partial remains and discovers that when the creature absorbs intense amounts of greenhouse gases, its body releases energy as heat.

· Duncan and Sasha return to the coal town and stake out the coal plant, searching for tremendously high heat signatures.

· Duncan reunites with the prostitute, who moved to a nearby city, but heard he was at the coal town again.

· Duncan and Sasha track down the creature, but bullets don’t kill it, and they barely escape with their lives.

· Next task: how do you kill these creatures?

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Five Seasons

What I learned from this assignment was that it was the most difficult one for me, so far, and I had to brainstorm a lot. But once I got to the Stair Step Model and Building Blocks I had a better grasp and it all began to flow into the descriptions.

Brainstorm Your Stair Step Model

· Season 1: Are the creatures real or is Duncan delusional?

· Season 2: How do you kill a creature?

· Season 3: Other people knew about these creatures

· Season 4: When killed, the creatures help reduce climate change

· Season 5: The creatures have evolved so that they can take over humans useful to them (CEOs of energy companies).

Building Blocks for Each Season

SEASON 1

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Are the creatures real or is Duncan delusional?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Former EPA investigator Sasha goes from skeptic to believer after she and Duncan encounter a creature. Duncan goes from ineffective hunter of these creatures to part of an effective team.

C. Main Conflict: Sasha and Duncan’s personalities and methods conflict as they search for creatures that he, alone, believes in.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Sasha and Duncan survive finding these creatures if they exist? Are Duncan and Sasha the only ones who believe in these creatures?

E. Cliffhanger: Sasha and Duncan encounter a creature but they can’t kill it with conventional weapons, and barely get away.

SEASON 2

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Killing these creatures without being killed.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Sasha and Duncan develop a surrogate father-daughter relationship, which helps heal their respective wounds (not trusting others and being unworthy of redemption).

C. Main Conflict: Sasha and Duncan vs. the creatures. How to vanquish them without sacrificing themselves or others.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Why has Sasha’s estranged father returned? What happened to Duncan’s teenaged daughter? Did these creatures ever exist on Earth before (the Paleogene-Eocene Thermal Maximum)?

E. Cliffhanger: Sasha and Duncan manage to kill a creature, but all traces of it vanish.

SEASON 3

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Other people know that these creatures exist, and were spawned by greenhouse gases

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From Sasha and Duncan acting alone to finding allies, and opponents beyond Delia

C. Main Conflict: Sasha conflicts with Duncan over whom to trust among potential allies, and whom to be skeptical about.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: How did these other people find out about the creatures and how did they band together? Will these allies be helpful to Sasha and Duncan? Who else knows about the creatures?

E. Cliffhanger: Knowing that Duncan is no longer alone, Sasha decides to take her foundation money and stop tracking creatures.

SEASON 4

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: When creatures die, they absorb greenhouse gases, making them a solution to climate change

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Sasha and Duncan reuniting

C. Main Conflict: Sasha is in conflict with herself and Duncan over whether to return to hunting creatures.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Duncan find the creature who killed his daughter? What will happen with Sasha and her environmental activist boyfriend?

E. Cliffhanger: Sasha joins Duncan in his search for the sea-based creature and instead they find Duncan’s presumed dead daughter, alive.

SEASON 5

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Some creatures have evolved so that they can take over humans.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Sasha discovers her talents are best served in fighting climate change by slaying these creatures while Duncan realizes he’s willing to die for his cause.

C. Main Conflict: Saving the humans while killing the creatures that have taken them over.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: How did Duncan’s daughter survive? Can you extract the creatures from their human hosts?

E. Cliffhanger: Duncan dies to save Sasha from his creature-controlled daughter and Sasha decides to take his place.

SEASON 1: TWO LOST SOULS

How does a disgraced EPA investigator keep fighting climate change when she’s unemployable?

After Sasha is dismissed for political reasons, her dream of fighting climate change for a living is dashed. Her only option is to team up with Duncan, a delusional billionaire activist who believes the build-up of greenhouse gases has spawned creatures bent on destroying us. She decides to humor him, in exchange for his promise to fund an environmental foundation for her after three years’ time. Sasha and Duncan are polar opposites, and sparks fly as they pursue their quarry. When Duncan is badly injured, Sasha has second thoughts, which Duncan’s CEO sister exploits. She’ll fund Sasha’s foundation if Sasha helps get Duncan committed. Ironically, Sasha has a hard time trusting others because she fears betrayal, and now she’s about to betray Duncan. Who would guess that by investigating on her own she would find evidence that the creatures are real? She and a recovered Duncan track a creature, but when Duncan shoots it, it doesn’t die. They barely escape with their lives.

As Sasha the skeptic slowly becomes a believer, and Duncan finds creatures through Sasha’s expertise, they realize they make a good team. Maybe Sasha will start to trust, and Duncan will start to heal his wound, that he believes he is irredeemable.

SEASON 2: FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS

Now that Sasha and Duncan have the means to find these creatures, how do they kill them?

Duncan goes through science experts until he finds a recluse who theorizes that today’s creatures are related to ones from the last massive global warming event 55 million years ago. With Duncan’s access to high tech tools, he and Sasha figure out the right weapon and mode of attack. With Sasha and Duncan on the same page, they start to develop a surrogate father-daughter relationship. She hasn’t had one since her father abandoned the family when she was thirteen. He hasn’t had one since he was responsible for losing his teenaged daughter during an extreme hurricane. The return of Sasha’s estranged father brings out complicated love/hate emotions that strain her relationship with Duncan.

Sasha devotes herself to tracking and she and Duncan find another creature. He kills it and they now have proof. But the truck transporting it is ambushed and the dead creature vanishes! Who else knows about them?

SEASON 3: THE OTHERS

How do Sasha and Duncan find the others in the know, and how do they distinguish allies from enemies?

Duncan announces the he’s acquired the bones of a mysterious creature from 55 million years ago and will exhibit them at his mansion. He does a facsimile, so when people show up, many dismiss the bones as a fraud and leave. But a handful stay, and admit to theorizing that the creatures spawned by greenhouse gases 55 million years ago would have counterparts today. Now Sasha and Duncan have a team, and make breakthroughs in tracking. They guard the next creature they kill zealously, and try to get publicity. But the news reporter that Sasha befriends ends up betraying them by filing the story with The National Enquirer. Some group is trying hard to cover up these creatures, and they are led by Duncan’s CEO sister. She and her fellow oil company CEOs have known about these creatures for 10 years, but haven’t wanted to admit their role in creating them.

Sasha discovers a mole among their team, reporting to Duncan’s sister. Tied to that mole is Sasha’s father. Stung by the betrayal, she does some soul-searching and realizes that killing these creatures is saving individuals, but doing nothing to slow climate change. Her three years are up, Duncan has a team, and she wants to start her foundation and fight climate change directly. She and Duncan share a bittersweet farewell.

SEASON 4: REUNITING

How can Sasha reunite with Duncan if it means giving up her dream of fighting climate change directly?

As he continues tracking them, Duncan is scheming to find evidence that his sister knew about the creatures spawned by greenhouse gases years ago and covered it up. But he misses Sasha’s daily presence, and keeps up with her by being on the board of her foundation. She, meanwhile, has opened herself up to a new relationship, an environmental activist she is funding. But down-deep, Sasha has mixed feelings about leaving Duncan’s side. She enjoyed her investigative work more than she’d like to admit, and she worries that Duncan’s impulsive side will win out over careful planning. Those feelings will be amplified when Duncan discovers that dead creatures absorb fifty times their weight in greenhouse gases. Killing them does help reverse climate change!

When Sasha learns that Duncan is planning to hunt the sea-creature that he thought took his daughter during the hurricane, she agrees to join him, this once. She fears his emotions will get the better of him and he’ll be vulnerable. While on the trail of a creature that may be their target, they find Duncan’s daughter alive, but with no memory of how she survived. It’s also a mystery why she stayed on this island.

SEASON 5: TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE

How does the mysterious reappearance of Duncan’s daughter tie in to the creatures spawned by greenhouse gases?

Duncan doesn’t care how or why his daughter survived. Now he feels worthy of redemption, his wound healed. Sasha is skeptical, determined to find out what’s beneath the surface. With the help of Duncan’s recluse friend, Sasha discovers that the fossil record of 55 million years ago shows creatures fusing with other species. And it’s happening now, with humans. Sasha, Duncan and the team investigate those who have most control over releasing greenhouse gases. They kidnap a CEO of a powerful energy conglomerate and figure out how to separate out the creature and kill it, and not its human host. But if you perform the procedure on a human, he will die. Sasha is convinced that the sea-creature Duncan saw fused with his daughter and that’s how she survived. Her suspicions are heightened when the daughter contacts her CEO aunt (Duncan’s sister) for a job. But, Duncan’s in denial. Sasha has a plan to separate Duncan’s daughter from the creature, but all goes awry and Duncan’s daughter pulls a gun and aims at Sasha point blank. Duncan throws himself between them and takes the bullet. Sasha tackles Duncan’s daughter.

Duncan’s daughter is saved, but Duncan is dying. Sasha promises that she will take up the gauntlet and become the slayer of these creatures. Her dream to make a significant impact on climate change will come true, although no one will know it. Duncan’s daughter plans to join her, as well.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Character Descriptions

I learned from this assignment that all the work I had done in Module 1 could be laid out for character descriptions. The step-by-step technique really worked for me.

SASHA

Role: A by-the-book EPA investigator fired for political reasons will do whatever it takes to make a significant difference in fighting climate change.

Noteworthy Traits: Pragmatic. Skeptical. Manipulative.

Intriguing History: her relationship with her father, who has just turned up.

Intrigue? Willing to pretend to believe in Duncan’s delusions and track creatures until she secures the funding for a foundation he promised. Will she betray Duncan if he’s putting innocents at risk for his goal?

Mystery? Why is she estranged from her father?

Drive Conflict: At odds with Duncan over how they investigate the existence of these creatures. Wanting revenge against Delia for having her fired.

Irony: Her core investigative skills will lead her to find evidence that Duncan’s creatures are real.

Opposing Agendas: She wants to prolong the search for creatures because if Duncan realizes he’s delusional, she won’t get her foundation. She wants to protect Duncan from himself.

Unpredictable? Suspicious of others’ motives, she relies on herself and that can get her into trouble.

Intriguing relationships: Duncan, Delia, and her father.

START: A play-by-the-rules EPA investigator, fired for political reasons and thus unemployable in her field, will do whatever it takes to get back into the fight against climate change.

MIDDLE: Traits. Duncan recruits her. Willing to indulge him in his delusions until she gains funding for an environmental foundation. Will she be able to protect him from himself and from hurting innocent bystanders? And will she betray him if the welfare of others is involved?

ENDING: Her core investigative skills will lead her eventually to discover that Duncan’s creatures are real.

SASHA CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

A pragmatic, play-by-the-rules EPA investigator, is betrayed and then fired for political reasons. Now unemployable, she’ll do whatever it takes to get back into the fight against climate change. But that dream will require her to turn her skeptical nature inside out. Or at least pretend to. She’s not above manipulating others to achieve her goals.

When a billionaire environmental activist hires her, she’s thrilled. Until she finds out he’s delusional, and the job is tracking creatures spawned by today’s level of greenhouse gases. To entice her to stay, he offers to fund her own foundation, if she sticks around for three years. She’s willing to humor him, but at what cost, putting innocent bystanders at risk? She’ll enter a world she never imagined when her core investigative skills lead her to discover that Duncan’s creatures are real.

DUNCAN

Role: The black sheep member of a family that owns a major oil company wants to redeem himself by saving the planet, and for him, that means slaying the creatures spawned by climate change.

Noteworthy Traits: Impetuous. Idealistic. Irresponsible.

Intriguing history: he used to enjoy being a playboy and the sports liaison for the family company. He was hospitalized for a breakdown after the death of his daughter.

Intrigue? He feels responsible for the death of his daughter. Is he delusional or are his creatures real?

Mystery? What happened to his daughter?

Drive conflict: His insistence that the creatures are real, without proof, goes against Sasha’s worldview. He wants his sister Delia to reduce greenhouse gases at the family oil company, conflicting with Delia’s pursuit of profit.

Irony: Duncan wants to save the world but he can’t even save himself from his guilt.

Opposing Agendas: Duncan is headstrong about searching for these creatures his way, always optimistic he’ll find the right path. If Duncan can find some way to force his family company to become sustainable, he’ll do it.

Unpredictable? He’s headstrong, leaping before he looks, and that can threaten innocent bystanders.

Intriguing Relationships: Sasha, Delia and his climate change predicting entrepreneur friend.

START: The black sheep member of a family that owns a major oil company wants to redeem himself by saving the planet, and for him, that means slaying the creatures spawned by climate change.

MIDDLE: Traits. Has no practical skills and chooses Sasha to fill in those gaps. Found her because his sister, CEO of the family company, is the one who got her fired. He desperately wants to atone for the sins of his family, who have been pouring greenhouse gases into the atmosphere for over a hundred years. Believes he is irredeemable because he feels responsible for the death of his daughter.

ENDING: Sasha is the answer to making him feel worthy of being redeemed.

DUNCAN CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

The black sheep member of a family that owns a major oil company is desperate to atone for their pouring greenhouse gases into the atmosphere for over a century. For him, that means slaying the creatures spawned by the build-up of those gases. Idealistic and impetuous, without a practical bone in his body, he needs a polar opposite to make tracking creatures feasible.

He finds the perfect person in the EPA investigator that his sister, the CEO of the family company, arranged to have fired. He is willing to do anything to succeed, with all his contacts and tech toys, even risk collateral damage along the way. His deeper need for redemption stems from feeling responsible for the death of his teenaged daughter during an extreme hurricane. Because he feels irredeemable, he’ll push farther and harder to alleviate that wound. Surprisingly, Sasha will be the key to his internal struggle as much as his external one.

DELIA

Role: Duncan’s sister, the CEO of their family oil company, who pays lip service to sustainability when she’s all about profits.

Noteworthy Traits: Smooth. Ruthless. Competitive.

Intriguing history: She suppressed reports about greenhouse gases causing climate change thirty years ago.

Intrigue? Her power marriage (to a woman) is falling apart. She plans to have Duncan declared incompetent and take control of his trust fund.

Mystery? Was she groomed to take over the family company or did she have to fight for it?

Drive conflict: She wants to stop Duncan from funding climate science, scientists and politicians who oppose climate change. She is responsible for having Sasha fired from the EPA.

Irony: She presents herself as a proponent of sustainability, but she’s all about making profits.

Opposing Agendas: She wants her family oil company to continue conducting business as usual.

Unpredictable: She doesn’t get mad, she gets even. She’s willing to pivot quickly if a scheme isn’t working.

Intriguing Relationships: Duncan, Sasha, and Duncan’s ex-wife who is her sustainability chief at the family oil company.

START: Duncan’s sister, the CEO of the family oil company, presents herself as forward-thinking and in favor of sustainability, but she’s all about profits.

MIDDLE: Traits. Craves respect, because all her life her family and colleagues have underestimated her. Furious that Duncan is funding climate science and the politicians that support it, she wants to stop him by declaring him incompetent and seizing control of his trust fund.

ENDING: To maintain her company’s financial health, she will go to any extremes, including offering to fund Sasha’s foundation herself, if she betrays Duncan and testifies that he’s delusional. The surprising part is that she may have reason to believe his delusions.

DELIA CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

Duncan’s sister, the CEO of the family oil company, presents herself as forward-thinking and in favor of sustainability, but she’s all about profits. Ruthless and competitive on the surface, deep down she craves respect because her family and colleagues underestimated her for years. Her brother in particular galls her because he funds climate science and like-minded politicians, which she views as a violation of family loyalty.

To maintain her company’s financial health, she will go to any extremes, including getting Duncan declared incompetent so she can seize control of his trust fund and shut him down. She will also offer to fund Sasha’s foundation to persuade her to betray Duncan and testify that he’s delusional. The surprising part is that she may already know his delusions are real.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Intriguing Concept and World

I learned from this assignment that, properly written, a concept and world can give an engaging overview of the project.

CONCEPT: A by-the-book EPA investigator, fired for political reasons, teams with an eccentric billionaire activist, even though she thinks he’s delusional, discovering that she can find trust in a world of betrayal by fighting creatures spawned by the same build-up of greenhouse gases that cause climate change.

HOOK: What if a disgraced EPA investigator joins forces with a billionaire activist to continue fighting climate change, only to discover he’s delusional and the real mission is to vanquish creatures spawned by greenhouse gases?

WORLD: The controversial world of climate change, pitting environmental activists against fossil fuel companies, with a supernatural twist–deadly creatures spawned by the same greenhouse gases that cause climate change.

· Unique sub world: the controversial world of climate change

· Previously unexplored: supernatural creatures

· The unknown: are these creatures real and if so, how do you kill them?

· The unseen: plan to declare billionaire incompetent, finding the creatures

· Unheard of Dangers: supernatural creatures are deadly, human monsters (the fossil fuel industry and their captive politicians) can be worse

-Reason to explore it: to protect the planet.

[Phyllis Strong]

I’m having the same problem — no forums for Module 2 come up for me to post my assignments. I sent a message to the support people on March 21 and no one has responded.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Strong has completed the BW Framework.

Like Brigitte, I would like Option B. Pro feedback from SU. I tried the link embedded in Chapter 12 and it was a dead link.

I learned the the BW Framework was a great way to synthesize and improve what I had done in all the earlier lessons, and also it sets the first step in trying to make my series even more binge worthy.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis Creating Irony!

I learned to dive deeper into my characters’ values, and look beneath each major situation, to discover irony.

Character Irony

· Duncan is an outgoing, well-connected billionaire who is fighting climate change with practical means, like supporting politicians who believe in climate change and climate scientists, all the while believing in monstrous creatures.

· Duncan wants to save the world but he can’t even save himself from his guilt.

· Duncan needs Sasha’s help, but he won’t abandon his headstrong ways.

· Duncan and Delia were close siblings growing up, but now they have opposing values and are enemies.

· Practical Sasha, who is suspicious of people’s motives, must make a leap of faith and trust Duncan if she wants to help reduce the harm of climate change.

· Sasha values working on her own but she can only slow climate change if she works with others.

· Sasha doesn’t trust people but she still forges relationships, like boyfriends, but she never lets them in.

· Sasha values loyalty but is willing to betray Duncan so that he won’t hurt innocents or himself.

· To save Duncan from himself, Sasha allies with her enemy, Delia.

· Sasha, who was humoring Duncan about his delusions, is shocked to find out that the monstrous creatures are real.

· Delia presents herself as a proponent of sustainability, but she’s really all about making profits.

· Sasha’s mother wants Sasha to have her own life but she has depended on her ever since and can’t let go.

· An environmental activist falls for Sasha, but he sees her as a way to lure in Duncan and have him support his group’s activities.

Situational Irony

· Duncan has billions, but money alone won’t help him find and slay monstrous creatures.

· Duncan is donating to politicians and climate scientists to use their connections and knowledge to track down the monstrous creatures.

· Duncan’s ex-wife is now working for his sister, his enemy.

· Duncan becomes the surrogate father that Sasha never had, but he is immature and impractical, just like her real father.

· Duncan’s delusions (the monstrous creatures caused by climate change) are real.

· Sasha longed for her father to return, and now she doesn’t trust his agenda.

· Sasha losing her dream job has given her a chance to develop a healing relationship with a surrogate father.

· Delia had Sasha fired because she was too good an EPA investigator and she is now working with her brother, her enemy.

· Delia is willing to offer Sasha the same deal Duncan did (funding an environmental foundation) just to stop Duncan.

· Killing the monstrous creatures will absorb carbon dioxide, so it’s part of the solution for slowing climate change.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Eleven: Discovering Irony

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Character Irony

Damon is dangerous and unpredictable but he saves Elena from a car crash and a vampire.

Damon appears able to stay disconnected from everybody, even his brother, but he is hopelessly in love with Katherine.

Stefan wants to be honest with Elena for the sake of their relationship, but he ends up lying to her to protect his relationship.

Stefan doesn’t kill humans to feed on their blood, but he has incredibly strong urges to do so because he is a vampire.

Elena, the successful, well-loved member of her family, turns out to be adopted.

Elena values honesty and facing the truth, but keeps Stefan and Damon’s secrets from her friends and family.

Alaric seems to be an ordinary high school history teacher, but, in reality, he is a vampire hunter.

Logan seems to be his old self when he reappears, but he has been turned into a vampire.

Matt is the popular high school jock, but he is not the stereotype. He respects Stefan’s love for Elena, his former girlfriend, and he cares for Caroline when her best friends are angry with her and ignoring her.

Caroline is the popular cheerleader and selfish party girl, but she is vulnerable with Matt.

Tyler is the tough guy at school who is verbally abused by cowed by his overbearing father.

Situational Irony

Damon appears to be coming to Elena’s rescue from an angry vampire, but he is blindsided and Elena, who has no supernatural powers, uses empathy to rescue Damon from death.

Elena, who is generally serious and the good girl who has lost her parents, is able to let go and have fun for the first time since her parents’ death in the company of Damon, whom she detests and doesn’t trust.

To protect Elena from harm, Stefan wants to leave Mystic Falls, even though he loves her desperately.

Stefan appeared to meet Elena for the first time in high school, but he first encountered her when she was in a car crash with her parents, and he saved her life.

To keep her brother Jeremy safe from spiraling even further down a drug and delinquent path, Elena gives up her values of honesty and facing the truth and allow Damon to compel Jeremy to forget all about vampires killing Vicky, and instead make him think she left town.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Show Layers

I learned from this assignment that the earlier work I had done on my characters, mysteries, open loops, etc. helped me brainstorm plot and character layers.

Plot Surface: By-the-book EPA criminal investigator Sasha loses her dream job after tangling with a major oil company that has the power to cause her dismissal. Eccentric billionaire activist Duncan offers to hire her.

· Layer 1: Thought the story was one thing, but it’s another: Duncan’s real work is to track down and kill monstrous creatures that have been spawned by concentrated greenhouse gas emissions.

· Layer 2: Hidden Agenda: Sasha believes her new boss is delusional, but she will stick with him because he has promised to fund an environmental foundation for her after three years’ time.

· Layer 3: Major Scheme: Delia is trying to have Duncan committed so she can become his guardian and stop him.

· Layer 4: Major Betrayal: Duncan is willing to let innocent bystanders get hurt by extreme weather so he can lure a monster out. Betrays Sasha’s fierce sense of right and wrong. How can Sasha save Duncan from the dangers his delusions pose?

· Layer 5: Conspiracy: Sasha joins forces with Delia to get Duncan committed.

· Layer 6: Thought the story was one thing, but it’s another: Duncan is not delusional. The monstrous creatures are real. He proves to Sasha that at least one creature exists. Sasha doesn’t think he deserves to be committed.

· Layer 7: Mystery: how do you kill one of these creatures?

· Layer 8: Major shift in meaning: Other people know about these creatures.

Character Surface (Sasha): Sasha is a brilliant methodical investigator who doesn’t trust other people, and keeps them at arms-length, emotionally.

· Layer 1: Hidden Agenda: Sasha plans to keep Duncan from hurting himself or others because of his delusion, and she’ll wait out the three years to get an environmental foundation so she doesn’t have to work for anyone else.

· Layer 2: Character Intrigue: she has trouble with intimacy, and has a complicated relationship with the lawyer for the Department of Justice she was seeing.

· Layer 3: Hidden Character History: her father abandoned the family when Sasha was thirteen.

· Layer 4: Wound: she was betrayed by her father’s leaving and now betrayal is a trigger for her.

· Layer 5: Character Intrigue: she has conflicting feelings when her father contacts her and comes to see her.

· Layer 6: Hidden Relationship: Sasha goes to Delia when she believes Duncan is a danger to himself and others.

Character Surface (Duncan): Duncan is the billionaire environmental activist who supports climate science and the politicians who believe in climate change.

· Layer 1: Secret Identity: Duncan is a “knight” who wants to slay the monstrous creatures spawned by concentrated greenhouse gases.

· Layer 2: Hidden Relationships: Duncan is Delia’s brother and part of the family that owns a major oil company that has been polluting the planet for one hundred years.

· Layer 3: Hidden Character History: Duncan used to be the entitled playboy who worked for the family company as the liaison to sports and entertainment—attending the Super Bowl and other major events.

· Layer 4: Hidden Relationships: Duncan has an ex-wife who is now Delia’s Sustainability Chief at the oil company.

· Layer 5: Hidden Character History: Duncan caused his daughter’s death by being self-indulgent, and let her have a Sweet 16 on a private Caribbean Island during hurricane season. Disaster struck, and he lost her when they were swept away, but he’s certain he saw a watery sea creature take her.

· Layer 6: Wound: Duncan thinks he’s irredeemable because he blames himself for his daughter’s death and feels guilt over what his family has done to the environment.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Ten: Layers

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Plot Layers

Major scheme revealed: A select number of people in the town (the council, Chief of Police) know that vampires exist and they’re planning to stake (kill) the ones that are now coming into town.

Mystery Revealed: Stefan and Damon were turned into vampires in 1864, by Katherine—both brothers’ great love.

Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: thought the series was just about vampires, but it’s also about witches and human vampire hunters.

Major Shift in Meaning: Mystic Falls appears to be ground zero for all kinds of supernatural creatures and artifacts, not just Stefan and Damon’s hometown.

Hidden History: The ancestors of the town council left detailed journals for their descendants describing vampires and demons that plagued the town, going back centuries.

Hidden Plan: Damon plans to deflect suspicion that he and Stefan are vampires by killing Stefan’s best vampire friend who comes into town for one day.

Major Betrayal: Damon betrays Stefan by killing his best vampire friend.

Character Layers

Stefan:

Secret Identity: a 150 year old vampire

Character Intrigue: What was he like when he was feeding on humans?

Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies: His connection to Katherine from 1864 is that he was in love with her and she turned him into a vampire.

Hidden Character History: Stefan and Damon were both in love with Katherine.

Damon:

Secret Identity: a 150 year old vampire

Character Intrigue: He’s really back in Mystic Falls to resurrect his great love, the vampire Katherine.

Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies: He is conspiring to resurrect Katherine from her tomb, but his attempt with an amulet failed due to Bonnie the witch.

Hidden Character History: He wasn’t compelled by Katherine to love her; he did so of his own free will.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Big Picture Open Loops

I learned that my open loops came from my characters’ goals and relationships.

· Will Sasha ever believe that the monsters are real?

· Will Duncan track down the monsters?

· What will happen when Duncan and Sasha encounter a monster?

· Is Duncan’s daughter dead or alive?

· Will Delia be able to stop Duncan?

· Will innocent bystanders be hurt by Duncan and Sasha’s pursuit of monsters?

· Will Sasha try to stop Duncan because he’s a danger to himself and others?

· Will Sasha have any other opportunities that threaten her partnership with Duncan?

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Nine: Open Loops

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Big Picture Open Loops

· Will Stefan and Elena stay together?

· Is Katherine the vampire alive or dead (staked)?

· Will Damon continue to manipulate the humans of Mystic Falls?

· Who else will be turned into a vampire?

· Who else will exhibit supernatural powers?

· Who will find out that Stefan and Damon are vampires?

· Will Stefan and Damon ever be able to reconcile?

· What is Stefan like when he feeds on human blood?

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Show Mysteries

I learned that creating mystery does not come naturally to me, but with this template I was able to come up with two. I hope to get better as I practice.

MYSTERY 1: DUNCAN’S DELUSION

Shocking Event: Duncan is delusional, believes that high levels of carbon spawned monsters that he must slay to save the world from climate change.

Secret: Why is he delusional and how can he be cured?

Investigation: The audience will be investigating alongside Duncan’s new partner, Sasha.

· WHO is delusional? Duncan

· WHAT caused this delusion? Duncan and his 16 year old daughter were trapped in a hurricane and Duncan thought he saw a monster take her away (her body was never found).

· WHEN did he become delusional? Seven years ago, when he lost his daughter.

· WHERE did he become delusional? On the Caribbean Island where he was throwing his daughter a sweet 16.

Parts Withheld:

· WHY is he delusional? Because he feels responsible for the death of his daughter.

· HOW can he be cured? There is no cure because he is not really delusional; his monsters are real.

MYSTERY 2: SASHA’S LOYALTY TO DUNCAN

Cover up: Sasha is pretending to believe in Duncan’s delusions so she can receive the money to start an environmental foundation. Without that incentive, what will she do?

Secret: Sasha doesn’t trust that Duncan will keep his promise. She is vulnerable to overtures from others who can make her dream come true. The victim of betrayal is capable of betrayal herself.

Reveals: It starts with Sasha finding out about the circumstances of the death of Duncan’s daughter, and realizing he feels responsible. He seems textbook delusional and possibly a danger to himself or others. Then Delia presses Sasha on Duncan’s mental health, implying she can declare him unfit and take control of his trust fund.

· WHO: Sasha has her loyalty tested.

· WHAT: Sasha is caught between two sources of funding for her dream, the environmental foundation.

· WHERE: Sasha and Delia meet in a neutral public place.

· HOW: Sasha’s loyalty is tested because Duncan puts her, himself, and innocent bystanders in harm’s way in his pursuit of monsters.

Parts Withheld:

· WHEN: Sasha’s trust issues began when her father left her when she was thirteen.

WHY: Sasha’s father abandoned her and her mother, leading her to trust no one.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Eight: Mystery

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Big Picture Mysteries

· Why is Damon really back in Mystic Falls?

· What happened between Katherine and Stefan?

· What happened between Katherine and Damon?

· Where is Katherine now?

· How did Elena survive the car crash that killed her parents?

· What are Bonnie’s powers as a witch?

· Why does Stefan hate Damon so much?

· Will Elena and Stefan end up together?

· Will Damon turn any other major character into a vampire?

· Why does Stefan refuse to drink human blood (even from blood banks or feeding on people without killing them)?

· What has Stefan been doing over the 150 years he’s been a vampire?

· What has Damon been doing over the 150 years he’s been a vampire?

Small Mysteries (Episode 8)

· Who is the little girl who looks like she’s from the past and what did her message, “they’re coming” mean for Bonnie in the tag?

· Why is Jeremy pursuing his schoolwork and doing no drugs after Damon compelled him to forget that he saw Vicky killed?

· Who is Lexi and what kind of friend is she to Stefan?

· What is the real purpose of the pendant Bonnie wears, that Damon wants?

· Will Elena tell her best friend Bonnie that Stefan is a vampire?

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Untitled Show Empathy/Distress

I learned from this assignment that I can generate empathy a number of ways beyond undeserved misfortune, by ramping up obstacles and distressing choices for my lead characters.

Undeserved Misfortune: Sasha losing her job – and career – as part of the settlement with Delia’s company; Duncan losing his 16 year-old daughter.

External Character Conflicts: Sasha and Delia clash over Sasha losing her job; they also clash as environmentalist vs. CEO of oil conglomerate; Once close, Duncan and Delia are now at odds over Duncan betraying the family by embracing environmental activism; Duncan and Sasha unintentionally conflict with each other over their approach to investigating the monsters (idealistic and impetuous vs. cautious and practical); Sasha and her ex-Boyfriend over his betrayal; Sasha and her estranged father over not trusting why he’s come back into her life.

Plot Intruding On Life: Duncan’s trust fund is put at risk, threatening Sasha’s dream of having an environmental foundation; Delia is trying to have Duncan declared mentally ill so that she can control him, which would also threaten Sasha’s dream; Sasha debunking Duncan’s evidence of monsters obstructs his goal of proving they exist.

Moral Dilemmas: Sasha will have to choose between getting her EPA job back or sticking with Duncan; Sasha will have to choose whether to help Delia get Duncan committed to protect him from himself if he is mentally ill; Sasha will have to choose between helping her father or staying loyal to Duncan; Duncan will have to choose between betraying Sasha to obtain some persuasive evidence of monsters he knows is fake, or not.

Forced Decisions They’d Never Make: Sasha would never work with Delia unless she was convinced Duncan was a danger to himself or others. Duncan would never put Sasha in danger unless he believed he would obtain solid evidence of monsters.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Seven: Empathy/Distress

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

1. Empathy/Distress That Shows Up in Episode 7, “The Haunting”

Undeserved Misfortune

Vicky doesn’t deserve to be turned into a vampire.

Jeremy doesn’t deserve to witness his girlfriend try to feed on him and then get staked to death by Stefan.

Matt doesn’t deserve to have his sister taken from him.

External Character Conflicts

Elena’s efforts to protect Jeremy from Vicky drive her brother toward Vicky.

Damon and Stefan’s conflict spills over into how they deal with vampire Vicky.

Damon and Stefan’s involvement with vampire Vicky hurts Elena, Matt and Jeremy.

Plot Intruding On Life

Damon turns Vicky into a vampire, which is an obstacle for Stefan being with Elena. Stefan must keep Vicky from killing anyone (only drink animal blood like he does). Elena wants to keep her brother safe from Vicky.

Moral Dilemmas

If Stefan can’t keep Vicky from feeding on humans, how will he keep Elena and the people of Mystic Falls safe? Elena has to decide between letting Jeremy remember Vicky’s death or having Damon, who started this all, altering his memories so he won’t suffer as much.

Forced Decisions They’d Never Make

Stefan is forced to kill Vicky by staking her because Vicky was about to kill Elena.

2. Big Picture Empathy/Distress in The Vampire Diaries

Damon returning to make trouble for Stefan, who just wants to live a normal, human life, and be with Elena. Damon and Stefan are pitted against one another.

Elena has to deal with the grief of losing her parents, and try to protect her younger brother, too.

Stefan having to decide whether to weaken and entomb Damon (essentially killing him).

Damon nearly being “killed” by Stefan and just managing to save his own life.

Stefan lies to hide his secret but Elena finds out that he is a vampire.

Elena has to decide whether she can be with Stefan, the vampire, despite her love for him.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Show Relationship Maps

I learned from this assignment that the relationships among my characters can generate deeper motivation and more story ideas.

SASHA & DUNCAN

Surface: Employee/Boss

Common Ground: Both believe in fighting climate change by whatever means possible

Conflict: Personalities are opposite: practical vs. idealistic and cautious vs. impulsive. Sasha doesn’t believe in the monsters Duncan thinks are real

History: Sasha has heard of Duncan as a climate activist and philanthropist

Subtext: Mutual Exploitation

Relationship Arc: From lack of trust to belief that Duncan’s monsters are real

SASHA & DELIA

Surface: Adversaries

Common Ground: Both are competent women working in a man’s world

Conflict: Environmental activist vs. CEO of oil conglomerate

History: Sasha investigating Delia’s Company

Subtext: Major Rivalry

Relationship Arc: From deep rivalry to grudging respect

SASHA & HER FATHER

Surface: Estranged

Common Ground: Sasha’s childhood with him until he left her when she was 12

Conflict: She feels abandoned because he disappeared without a trace

History: He is the father who abandoned Sasha and her mom

Subtext: Father not sincere about repairing relationship; he needs money

Relationship Arc: From second chance to dismay

DUNCAN & SASHA

Surface: Boss/Employee

Common Ground: Both believe in fighting climate change by whatever means possible

Conflict: Duncan wants Sasha to take more risks; he believes his monsters are real

History: Duncan knows Sasha from her EPA investigation into his sister’s Company

Subtext: Mutual Exploitation

Relationship Arc: From a “marriage of convenience” to a deep friendship

DUNCAN & DELIA

Surface: Brother-Sister

Common Ground: Family background

Conflict: Duncan wants to slow climate change; Delia wants to pay lip service

History: Close as children but became rivals when Duncan decided to break with the family business

Subtext: Prove themselves worthy to the other

Relationship Arc: From estranged to a complex sibling relationship

DUNCAN & HIS EX-WIFE

Surface: Estranged

Common Ground: Married for 10 years

Conflict: Whether Duncan was responsible for their 16 year old daughter’s death

History: They met through Delia and she fit perfectly with his family

Subtext: Deep hurt

Relationship Arc: From guilt to redemption

DELIA & DUNCAN

Surface: Sister-Brother

Common Ground: Family background

Conflict: Duncan wants to slow climate change; Delia wants to pay lip service

History: Close as children but became rivals when Duncan decided to break with the family business

Subtext: Prove themselves worthy to the other

Relationship Arc: From estranged to a complex sibling relationship

DELIA & SASHA

Surface: Adversaries

Common Ground: Both are competent women working in a man’s world

Conflict: Environmental activist vs. CEO of oil conglomerate

History: Delia getting Sasha fired as part of Company settlement deal with EPA

Subtext: Major Rivalry

Relationship Arc: From deep rivalry to grudging respect

DELIA & DUNCAN’S EX-WIFE

Surface: Boss/Delia’s Sustainability Chief

Common Ground: Both are competent women working in a man’s world

Conflict: Delia pays lip service while Duncan’s Ex-Wife believes in sustainability and the eventual transformation of the Company

History: Business School Classmates, Colleagues, Sisters-in-law

Subtext: Superficial friendship

Relationship Arc: From friendship to betrayal

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson 6: Relationship Maps, Sample is The Vampire Diaries

DAMON STEFAN

Surface Brothers

Common Ground Both are vampires; both appear to hate each other

Conflict Sibling rivalry; he wants to dominate Stefan

History Loved the same woman in the past

Subtext He wants his brother to be like him

Relationship Arc From adversaries to reunited

DAMON ELENA

Surface Adversaries

Common Ground Both strong willed and have ties to Stefan

Conflict He threatens her and Stefan

History He’s noted her resemblance to Katherine

Subtext He is in love with Elena

Relationship Arc From adversaries to friends

DAMON CAROLINE

Surface Victim

Common Ground Physically attracted to each other

Conflict He is using her for amusement and revenge against Stefan

History He seduces her

Subtext He has some skewed affection for her

Relationship Arc From victim to mutual respect

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Character Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is that, while I have always done hope/fear and want/need, I had not delved into the public mask, weaknesses, triggers or coping mechanisms. They all expand storylines for my characters.

SASHA PROFILE

· Hope: Make a difference in the fight against climate change. Fear: Betrayal.

· Want: To protect the world from harm. Need: Trust others.

· Base Negative Emotion: Frustration/Public Mask: Collected and competent.

· Weaknesses: Rigid, suspicious of others’ motives, fear of intimacy.

· Triggers: Betrayal, rejection of climate change, faith over practicality.

· Coping Mechanism: Retreats to the familiar, organizing to keep control over her world.

DUNCAN PROFILE

· Hope: To expose and defeat the monsters spawned by climate change. Fear: he is irredeemable.

· Want: to save the world. Need: to know that he is a good person who deserves redemption

· Base negative emotion: guilt/Public Mask: optimistic and undaunted.

· Weaknesses: impractical, headstrong (leaps before he looks), immature, entitled.

· Triggers: encounters with his family, being associated with his family, those who resist his money or charm.

· Coping mechanism: Denial, Manipulation.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Five: Depth of Emotions

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

STEFAN PROFILE

· Hope: Live a human life/be with Elena. Fear: Becoming a monster like his brother Damon.

· Want: to deny he’s a vampire. Need: Human connection/love.

· Base Negative Emotion: loneliness/Public Mask: Loner.

· Weaknesses: lying about his identity, strong urge to drink human blood

· Triggers: Damon threatening Elena, fear of losing Elena, fear of his true identity coming out

· Coping Mechanism: keeping secrets, withdraws, strategizes

DAMON PROFILE

· Hope: Dominate his brother/win over Elena. Fear: having any humanity.

· Want: Control. Need: Affirmation.

· Base Negative Emotion: Rage/Public Mask: Smooth manipulator.

· Weaknesses: arrogance, underestimates Stefan and others.

· Triggers: Stefan with Elena, any show of defiance, mention of Katherine.

· Coping Mechanism: Fight back, manipulate.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Intriguing Character Layers

I learned that the layers beneath a character’s surface are a valuable source of conflict and powerful plot points.

Sasha

Role: The EPA criminal investigator who was betrayed and dismissed.

Hidden Agendas: She wants to prolong the search for Duncan’s monsters until her three years are up and she receives her foundation money.

Competition: To reclaim her mission in life, she will compete with Delia, the newspaper reporter, her ex-boyfriend, her estranged father.

Conspiracies: with Duncan’s psychiatrist, but only when Sasha believes Duncan is becoming a danger to himself and others. With environmental activist love interest, plotting a major protest that will interfere with Duncan’s search for a particular monster.

Secrets: She doesn’t believe in Duncan’s monsters. She’s secretly sleeping with the newspaper reporter. Her father faded away shortly after divorcing her mother, and she feels abandoned by him.

Deception: She is pretending to believe in Duncan’s monsters. She lies to everyone she knows about what her work with Duncan really entails. She pretends she doesn’t want to see her estranged father who has re-emerged in her life.

Wound: Betrayed by the institution she believed in and her ex-boyfriend, as well as the childhood wound of being abandoned by her father, Sasha has a difficult time trusting others.

Secret Identity: Monster-slayer.

Duncan

Role: The black sheep of a family that controls an oil conglomerate who believes that climate change has spawned monsters that must be defeated.

Hidden Agendas: He is pursuing monsters spawned by climate change, as opposed to contributing to climate science and environmental activism.

Competition: He will compete with his sister Delia to prevent more climate change. He will compete with Sasha’s environmental activist love interest for her loyalty.

Conspiracies: He and Sasha conspire to teach her estranged father a lesson about using people for your own desires.

Secrets: His daughter died during a hurricane because Duncan arranged for a private Caribbean Island Sweet 16 party during hurricane season. He used to enjoy being the sports liaison for the oil company, acting like a playboy without a care in the world. He has battled a monster before but has no proof of its existence.

Deception: He is lying to everyone except Sasha about believing in monsters spawned by climate change. He is donating to politicians who believe in climate change so they can grant him access to information and locations that may hold clues to where to find the monsters.

Wound: Duncan’s ties to a company that has contributed to climate change for over a hundred years cause guilt, as does the death of his daughter. Deep down, he believes himself unworthy of redemption.

Secret Identity: The Knight who will save the planet.

Delia

Role: Duncan’s sister who is the CEO of the family-controlled oil conglomerate.

Hidden Agendas: To present her company as forward-thinking, combating climate change, promoting sustainability. To neutralize Duncan’s financial contributions to the cause of climate change.

Competition: with Duncan and with the media to control the image of her company. With Sasha to undermine Sasha’s attempt to indict her company.

Conspiracies: She conspires with her fixer and bankers to get around Duncan’s irrevocable trust and bankrupt him so that he cannot be a super-supporter of climate change activism. She also conspires with politicians she supports financially to convert sentences to fines.

Secrets: She and Duncan were best friends as children. She sabotaged her free-wheeling brother to look more irresponsible than he was, so their father would choose her to run the company. Her power marriage (to a woman) is falling apart, partly over her fierce devotion to the company.

Deception: She lies to the press, regulators and politicians about her goals of a negative carbon footprint and other sustainability factors. She covers up the fact that her company knew over 30 years ago that fossil fuels were contributing to climate change.

Wound: Her father underestimated her. Her colleagues thought she was a pure nepotistic hire as she was coming up the ranks. As one of the few women in the boys’ club of big energy, she constantly fights against being marginalized. As a result, she craves respect at all costs.

Secret Identity: The Queen of Profitability.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Four: Layers of Character Intrigue

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Hidden Agendas:

Damon followed Stefan home for more than just torturing him and ruining his plan to act human; something else brought him there.

Elena wants to move on and not go back to her life (e.g. as a cheerleader) but tells everybody she’s okay.

Competition

Caroline at first competes with Elena for Stefan.

Damon and Stefan are competing for Elena.

Matt and Stefan are competing for Elena.

Jeremy and Tyler are competing for Vicky.

Aunt Jenna is competing with Jeremy over his drug use and indifference to school.

Conspiracy

Matt and Tyler conspire to thwart Stefan’s performance on the football field.

Secrets

The reason Damon and Stefan haven’t seen each other for 15 years.

Why Stefan stopped feeding on humans and became a weaker vampire.

Who is Katherine and what was she to Stefan and Damon?

Jeremy secretly slept with “older woman” Vicky over the summer.

Is there more to the car crash that killed Elena and Jeremy’s parents?

Bonnie has real witch powers.

Bonnie has a secret about what happened to her parents, since she is living with her grandmother.

Stefan is harboring the secret that he is a vampire.

Damon is keeping the secret that he is a vampire.

Deception

Damon is pretending that he only cares about Stefan’s well-being.

Stefan is deceiving his everyone in Mystic Falls that he is an ordinary human.

Caroline is pretending to be more worldly and experienced than she is.

Vicky is pretending nothing happened between her and Jeremy.

Stefan lies to Matt about seeing Vicky in the hospital.

Stefan lies about the vervane charm he gave Elena so she won’t know he and Damon are vampires.

Elena is pretending to be ok after the death of her parents.

Jeremy is pretending he doesn’t have a drug problem.

Wound

Elena’s wound is the death of her parents.

Jeremy’s wound is the death of her parents.

Aunt Jenna’s wound is that she never felt valued compared to her perfect older sister (Elena and Jeremy’s late mother).

Stefan’s wound is betrayal by his brother.

Damon’s wound is losing Katherine.

Caroline’s wound is low self-esteem.

Matt’s wound is losing his longtime best friend and recent girlfriend, Elena.

Bonnie’s wound is that she feels her best friend slipping away from her.

Secret Identity

Stefan’s secret identity is an ordinary teenager.

Damon’s secret identity is a concerned older brother.

Elena’s secret identity is someone who’s recovered from great loss.

Jeremy’s secret identity is a delinquent.

Caroline’s secret identity is the most confident girl at school.

Bonnie’s secret identity is a powerful witch, descendent of the Salem witches.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson 3, Assignment 2: Phyllis’ Engaging Main Characters

I learned that finding the diamonds in the unpredictable behavior for my lead characters was the most difficult. I also learned that specificity is important.

Journey: Sasha goes from a by-the-book dismissed EPA investigative agent to a more risk-taking environmental activist with a special way of fighting climate change.

Characters that sell this show: Sasha and Duncan.

Role in the Show:

Sasha: 30-year old EPA criminal investigator who is dismissed as part of a settlement and wants to clear her name and resume her fight to save the environment.

Duncan: 50 year old black sheep of a family that controls a powerful oil conglomerate who believes climate change has spawned monsters that need to be slain to fight climate change.

Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Sasha: Expertise: investigative skills in the service of protecting the environment from criminal activity.

Purpose: to clear her name and be back in an official capacity fighting the roots of climate change.

Duncan: Expertise: multimillionaire with political and scientific connections and tech toys.

Purpose: to save the planet by slaying the monsters spawned by climate change.

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Sasha: She is humoring her delusional boss, Duncan, and really wants the money he’s promised her so she can build an environmental foundation.

Duncan: he is convinced the monsters are real because he saw a water-based one sweep his daughter from him during a hurricane. He feels responsible for his daughter’s death.

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Sasha: She is lying to everyone she knows about what she’s doing for Duncan. She is manipulating her friends from the EPA, other government agencies (like the Bureau of Land Management) to track down these monsters.

Duncan: the end justifies the means, so lying, manipulation and bribery are all on the table.

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Sasha: Sasha will try to guilt her ex-boyfriend into getting her a new job. She will lose her temper during interviews over the insinuation that she botched the investigation of the Duncan’s family’s oil conglomerate. She will board Duncan’s helicopter and go to see a crisis although she knows little about him.

Duncan: Duncan will do anything to get Sasha to work with him because she came closer to bringing down his sister and the company than anyone else.

Empathetic: Why do we care?

Sasha: she has been betrayed doing a job she loved. Her work is important.

Duncan: he has disavowed his background and is trying to make up for the sins of his family.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson Three: Engaging Main Characters That Sell Your Show

Assignment 1: Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

Journey: a vampire who returns to his hometown wanting to act “human” and fit in encounters many obstacles to fulfilling that goal.

Characters that sell this show: Stefan and Damon.

Role in the Show:

Stefan: a 150-year old vampire who looks like a teenager returns to his hometown to live as a human.

Damon: Stefan’s older brother, a 150-year old vampire who appears to be in his early 20’s, follows him to their hometown, feeds on people and bends them to his will, thus interfering with Stefan’s goal.

Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Stefan: Expertise: Powers of a vampire—super hearing, instant healing, enhanced physical skills, the power of compulsion over humans. Living undetected among humans.

Purpose: to live undetected among humans and be with his true love, Elena.

Damon: Expertise: Stronger powers, especially compulsion, and speed, agility, and hearing. Stronger because he drinks human blood.

Purpose: To get revenge on his brother, and make his life miserable, because of something to do with the woman they both loved in the past.

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Stefan: He is a vampire who may have once been as deadly as his brother Damon.

Damon: Despite his viciousness, manipulative side, and protestations about not having any humanity, he has feelings for Elena.

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Stefan: He tried to compel Vicky to forget about being attacked by a vampire, he is attracting attention to himself at school, and he is lying to Elena and everyone else about who he really is.

Damon: He kills innocent victims, drinks from and then manipulates Vicky and Caroline. He is interfering with his brother’s quest to live as a human and his relationship with Elena.

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Stefan: In protecting his secret as a vampire, he puts more of his newfound friends and Elena at risk. Will he be able to resist feeding on humans even if it’s necessary to stop Damon?

Damon: As Damon toys with the townspeople and tortures Stefan, he may kill or just drink their blood with no consequence. He may set Stefan and Elena’s friends against each other.

Empathetic: Why do we care?

Stefan: he is trying to control his dangerous impulses, reinvent himself, and find real human connection.

Damon: despite all the evil he does, he is soft-hearted and helpful toward Elena—maybe more helpful than her life-long friends.

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson 2, Assignment 2 (Continued)

Connected Circle

Sasha’s estranged father

Sasha’s flighty mother

Sasha’s ex-boyfriend at the DOJ who betrayed her

Sasha’s former partner in the Criminal Investigations Division of the EPA

Sasha environmental activist love interest

Duncan’s ex-wife who is still close to Delia

Duncan’s quirky climate science professor friend

The founder of the climate change forecasting company that Duncan invested in

Delia’s female sustainability chief at the oil conglomerate

Delia’s fixer who keeps an eye on Duncan

Journalist who is tracking Duncan and Sasha’s activity

Environment Circle

Environmental Activists

Biodiversity professor

Climate scientists

Firefighters

Disaster Relief Workers

FEMA Executives

Tornado chasers

Oil Conglomerate Execs

Politicians who are pro-environment that Duncan supports financially

Politicians who are pro-fossil fuel that Delia and her company supports

Journalists who specialize in climate change, extreme weather and environmental justice

[Phyllis Strong]

Lesson 2, Assignment 2

Subject: Phyllis Strong’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned from this assignment was that I could find connected characters by treating my main characters as a the hub of a wheel and branch off from that. I devised family members, love interests, ex-love interests, and employees and figured a journalist (who as yet is fairly undefined) would be a fitting character in this series. I also found the environment circle easier than I anticipated, by taking the main focus of the main characters and building a world of EPA officials, climate scientists, firefighters, oil conglomerate execs and politicians.

Main Characters

SASHA LAMBERT (30) is a pragmatic, by the book investigator for the EPA who is betrayed by the institution she loves when she is dismissed from her job as part of a ground-breaking settlement with an oil conglomerate.

DUNCAN PRICE (50’s) is the idealistic black-sheep of the family that controls the afore-mentioned oil conglomerate, who wants to atone for the sins of his family by slaying the monsters that have been spawned by the high level of greenhouse gases in our atmosphere.

DELIA PRICE (50’s) is Duncan’s shrewd and manipulative older sister, the star of the family, who is now the CEO and positioning the family oil conglomerate as a responsible, sustainable partner in fighting climate change.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 1:

Subject: Vampire Diaries Character Circles

Main Characters: Elena, Stefan, Damon

Connected Circle: Bonnie, Caroline, Jeremy, Tyler, Vicky, Matt, Aunt Jenna

Environment Circle: Mr. Tanner (teacher), high school students, teachers and administrators, hospital staff, victims of vampire attacks.

[Phyllis Strong]

Sample Show is The Vampire Diaries

· Big Hook: Vampires that look like teenagers/young adults return to their small American home town.

· Intriguing Characters:

o ELENA just lost her parents and she’s captured Stefan the vampire’s attention, but how much of that is because she resembles Katherine from 1864?

o STEFAN is a vampire who may have already lived centuries and he has vowed not to drain the blood of humans—just animals. He wants to start over and find a passionate romantic relationship.

o DAMON is the estranged vampire older brother of Stefan and he enjoys feeding on humans. He also has a flair for the dramatic. He is in town to cause trouble.

o BONNIE is a descendent of Salem witches and believes she’s psychic, then has a warning from the beer bottle Elena handed her: a crow, that the audience recognizes is Damon’s signature.

· Empathy/Distress:

o ELENA lost her parents and doesn’t know how to move on. She also has a brother she’s responsible for, who’s getting into drugs and drinking.

o STEFAN wants to curb his vampiric urges and have as normal a life as he can.

· Open Loops: Will Stefan revert to his vampire ways? Will Elena discover that Stefan (and perhaps Damon) is a vampire? Who is Katherine and what was she to Stefan? Will Vicki (and others) be turned into vampires? What powers do vampires have and what are the restrictions on those powers?

· Inviting Obsession: Who will discover that vampires are real and in their town? Will Stefan and Elena end up together? Will Damon interfere with Stefan’s romantic relationship in some way? Will Stefan be able to protect the townspeople from Damon? What other characters (like Bonnie) will show supernatural powers?

What I learned from this assignment:

o That the power of the hook made the characters intriguing, created many questions and invited obsession.

o That an obsessive romance can invite obsession.

[Phyllis Strong]

Hi everyone, I’m Phyllis Strong. I’ve written six spec scripts for existing tv shows and eight spec pilots and one feature. I hope to get a thorough education into how to make my series more obsessive and full of intrigue, and I hope the boot camp will make me accountable to keep moving forward. I was chosen for a commercial when I was 3 years old, but I’ve never been an early riser, and we had to get up early to go to New York City. I was so grumpy that I wouldn’t follow directions and they had to replace me. And thus ended my commercial acting career before it began. I find myself much more comfortable behind the camera.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Strong

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Phyllis Strong]

Assignment 1

Sample Show – The Walking Dead

Big Picture Mysteries:

· Why was Rick and Lori’s marriage in so much trouble before the Zombie Apocalpse?

· Why does Rick believe that he has to be responsible for everything and everyone, all the time?

· What kind of person is Shane, who would contemplate—even for a second—killing his partner Rick to re-insert himself with Lori and Carl?

· Why are Herschel and his daughters and Otis safe now?

· What are the backgrounds of Herschel and his daughters and Otis?

· How did Herschel’s family survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

· What really caused the Zombie Apocalypse?

Smaller Mysteries:

· Why is Darryl so different from his brother Merle?

· Why did Andrea lose her will to go on?

· How did T-Dog survive the Zombie Apocalpyse?

· What were the professions of Dane, Andrea, T-Dog, and Daryll before the Zombie Apocalypse?

Assignment 2:

Phyllis’ Show’s Big Picture Mysteries

What I learned from this assignment was that with the more ChatGPT knows about my show, the closer it is getting to ideas I can use, or at least to ideas I can brainstorm off of.

My Brainstorming Version:

Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event: The consciousness transfer procedure worked.

B. Secret: The procedure cannot be reversed, despite what the families of the well-paid volunteers were told.

C. Investigation: Eve Ramsey, the wife of the man who now holds Peter’s consciousness and Addy Novak, science reporter covering the project.

D. WWWWW & How: When—now. Where—the science lab. Why did the participants agree to the consciousness transfer—the test subjects wanted healthy, youthful bodies and the volunteers were paid $250 million apiece.

E. Part Withheld: Who knew the consciousness transfer couldn’t be reversed—Diana Sagraves. What happened to the consciousnesses of the volunteers—they were destroyed in the transfer. How did the transfer destroy the consciousnesses of the volunteers—the procedure rewired the brains of the volunteers.

Over Time Mystery

A. Cover Up: The consciousness transfer appears to be completely successful.

B. Secret: It isn’t—the instinctual, emotional responses of the original bodies are changing the personalities of the test subjects.

C. Reveals: Diana runs across the possibility that the consciousness transfer didn’t work perfectly. Mark, Peter and Suzanne all experience bouts of personality change, for example a quick temper they didn’t have before.

D. WWWWW & How: Who: the four test subjects. What: their personalities are going through subtle changes. Where: where they live.

Part Withheld: Why is it happening—because instinctual and certain base emotional responses are hard wired in these new bodies and affect their brains, despite the new consciousnesses. When: it happens over time, different for each test subject. How can they fix it—so far they have no idea.

AI’s Version:

Mystery 1: Opening Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event:

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[Phyllis Strong]

Hi Herbert, none of my spec pilots sold but they were good samples that got me representation and meetings. I pitched a show, about young women coming of age on Wall Street in the 1980’s, and that was bought by Bravo when they were dipping a toe in scripted. So I got paid to write the pilot but it was not picked up.

Conventional wisdom is that you should write a spec script of an existing show that is 1) currently on the air; and 2) a darling of the executive and producer community. That’s mostly Emmy nominees and other critical darlings. Those have the best chance of being known to people you submit to.

Hope that helps…