Quincy Cooke
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Quinn’s Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I have a lot of chaff to get through. So many useless scenes, and one of the last scenes lasted 20 pages. Seriously, this script was garbage. To quote Gru: “A two-year old could have written better.”
Give us your logline.
An ancient tarot deck leads a risk-adverse young man to love, crime, and betrayal.
List the current beats of your script. Number them as I did above.
FADE IN:
1. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Kelley breaks up with Travis. Travis pleads, but she assures him it’s over. She tells him to go to the renaissance faire without her.
2. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – DAY
Travis is walking around the fairgrounds not enjoying himself. He happens upon Madam Lydia’s hut set back away from the rest of the hubbub. She calls out to him to enter and he does.
3. INT. MADAM LYDIA’S HUT – CONTINUOUS
Madam Lydia tells Travis’s fortune with an ancient set of tarot cards. She tells him that he has a lot of danger and strife coming and that the cards will “tell you what you don’t want to know”. Travis gets angry and leaves.
4. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – MOMENTS LATER
The hut vanishes as soon as Travis leaves. He freaks out and leaves the faire.
5. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT PARKING LOT – LATER
Travis arrives at his apartment complex.
6. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Travis enters his apartment and surveys what is left over after Kelley has taken most of everything. He sits down and feels something in his pocket. It is the tarot deck Madam Lydia used. He vows to return it the next day.
7. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – THE NEXT DAY
Travis returns to the fairgrounds. He tries to find Madam Lydia. Every girl comes onto him as he does until he discovers that “The Lovers” card is on top of the deck. As soon as he reshuffles, the spell dissipates. He leaves without finding Madam Lydia.
8. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis comes home and meets Jana who is moving in next door. They have a moment and he offers to help her move in.
9. SERIES OF SHOTS of Travis helping Jana move in.
10. EXT. JANA’S APARTMENT – LATER
Jana tries to pay Travis but he refuses. There is a mutual attraction. Travis tells her to holler if she needs anything.
11. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Travis sits down and looks at the cards. The image on the Page of Cups looks like Jana for a moment before going back to its original artwork.
12. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Rick visits Travis to cheer him up after hearing about Kelley. He brings Twizzlers and a rental copy of “Planet of the Apes”.
13. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
The movie ends and Rick tells Travis about his new job. He spots the tarot deck and teases Travis about it. He leaves. The Ten of Swords appears beside the deck with the person on the card looking like Rick. Travis watches a news report about Perkins being investigated. The card changes to the King of Swords, the picture now looking like Perkins. Travis decides he needs to read up on tarot to figure out what is going on.
14. INT. ESOTERIC SHOP – LATER
Travis visits the esoteric shop to try to find a book on tarot and bumps into his friend Jessica, who works there. They discuss the cards and Jessica tells him to be careful as the cards are ancient and could mean bad things. She helps him select a book and he buys it and leaves.
15. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis uses the tarot card and new book to try to read his fortune. It is gibberish. He tries to put the cards up, but the Ace of Cups slips out of the deck. He looks it up and it tells him love at first sight becomes real love. He decides to go have dinner. The Page of Cups with the visage of Jana slips out of the deck again. He leaves.
16. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Travis bumps into Jana outside his apartment. He invites her to dinner and she accepts.
17. EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT PARKING LOT – LATER
They arrive. Travis and Jana flirt.
18. INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT – LATER
Travis and Jana are having dinner getting to know one another a little better. Jana tells Travis she works for a councilman filing important documents. He tells her he is a programmer. They are interrupted by Jana’s ex, Mike. He and Travis have words before the restaurant kicks Mike out.
19. EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
Mike jumps Travis, but Travis beats the crap out of him.
20. EXT. JANA’S APARTMENT – EVENING
Travis and Jana kiss, but Travis has flashbacks of Kelley. Jana talks him through it. They decide to spend the night together.
21. INT. JANA’S APARTMENT – THE NEXT MORNING
Travis does dishes while Jana leaves for work. Travis is happy.
22. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis cleans up his apartment, getting rid of any trace of Kelley. The Page of Cups looking like Jana again appears and this time the voice of the cards tells Travis to “protect the one in red”. Jana shows up and tells Travis that she works for Perkins and found the information the investigators have been looking for. Hank, dressed as a cop, shows up and the cards warn Travis about him.
23. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Travis answers the door looking like he just woke up. Hank asks Travis if he knows where Jana is. Travis says no, but Hank insists on looking around the apartment and enters.
24. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Hank searches Travis’s apartment, but doesn’t find Jana. He tells Travis to call Detective Stein if he hears anything and leaves. Travis watches him out of his window and sees him take off his uniform shirt and get into an unmarked car and leave. He gets Jana from her hiding place in the dishwasher. The decide to leave for somewhere safer.
25. EXT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis and Jana show up and Jessica lets them in.
26. INT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jessica agrees to hide Jana in her apartment while Travis goes in search of Rick to warn him about his boss.
27. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Travis returns to his apartment to pack a bag and tries to call Rick. He only gets voicemail. He leaves.
28. INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION – SIMULTANEOUS
Rick calls Jessica and Jessica lets slip that she’s hiding Jana. Rick makes a phone call.
29. EXT. HIGHWAY/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Jessica calls Travis to tell him Rick called her. The Ten of Swords shows up and Travis realizes Rick has set them up. The Page of Cups appears and Travis touches it and there is a flash.
30. EXT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – EVENING
Travis shows up to the apartment. Jana comes out to meet him and Hank shoots her in the chest, killing her. Rick says he’s sorry.
31. EXT. RED LIGHT/TRAVIS’S TRUCK
Travis comes out of the vision and floors it to go faster.
32. EXT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – MINUTES LATER
Travis shows up to the apartment and the vision starts to play out. Travis shouts a warning and Jana ducks. Hank misses her. Jessica throws a knife and it sticks into Hank’s shoulder. Travis and Rick struggle briefly over the file before Travis snatches it and he, Jana, and Jessica flee. Rick picks up Jessica’s knife and he and Hank pursue.
33. EXT. CITY STREETS/HANK’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Hank and Rick have lost Travis and company. They argue. Hank threatens to kill Rick, but tells him the only thing that matters is the file.
34. INT. WAREHOUSE – LATER
Perkins chews out Hank and Rick and tells them to find Travis and company and the file or else.
35. INT. FARM HOUSE – EVENING
Jana sleeps while Travis and Jessica discuss where the house came from, Travis and Jana’s love, and protecting one another.
36. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Rick and Hank search Travis’s apartment. Rick finds Travis’s address book and sees the farm house address. He surmises that is where Travis has gone.
37. INT. FARMHOUSE – MORNING
Travis wakes up. Jessica hasn’t slept. Travis hears the voice of the cards telling him to “stop the one in gray”. He spots some stationery and begins to rifle through it, saying he’s going to write Perkins a letter.
38. EXT. HIGHWAY/HANK’S CAR – AFTERNOON
Rick and Hank have words. Rick seems to be having second thoughts.
39. INT. FARM HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Travis and company discuss going to the police, but are not sure who to trust. Jessica spots Hank’s car. Travis leads them to the back of the house.
40. EXT. FARM HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Hank and Rick come to the house. Hank suspects a trick. He tells Rick to go around back and he’ll enter through the front.
41. INT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rick and Hank search the house while Travis and company crawl through the crawlspace beneath the house. Rick and Hank search upstairs but they hear a noise and Hank runs downstairs.
42. EXT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Hank pulls Jessica out from the crawlspace. He tells Rick to look and see if anyone else is under there. Rick looks and sees Travis and Jana, but tells Hank there isn’t anyone there. Jessica lies and tells Hank she dropped Travis and Jana off the night before and that they’re gone. Hank decides to kill Jessica, but Rick convinces him to use her as bait for Travis. They tie her up and leave to take her to Perkins.
43. INT. FARMHOUSE – LATER
Travis and Jana sit on the couch not sure what to do. Rick calls them and assures them Jessica is fine but to follow his instructions to bring the file to Perkins or they will kill her.
44. EXT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Travis and Jana leave the farm house to go save Jessica.
45. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Rick, Jessica, Hank, Perkins, and guards are all waiting for Travis’s phone call. While no one is looking, Rick signals to Jessica he’s on her side. Travis calls and Rick gives him the next set of instructions.
46. EXT. CITY STREETS/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – LATER
Travis and Jana are trying desperately to make the phone calls within the time constraints they are given. They are almost hit by a train and they run out of time for the next call.
47. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
With no phone call, Hank pulls out his gun to shoot Jessica. Rick convinces Perkins to give Travis another minute. Travis calls in the nick of time.
48. EXT. CITY STREETS/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rick gives Travis the final instructions. He says something that makes Travis realize he’s on their side.
49. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Rick drags Jessica to a back room making it seem to Perkins and Hank that he’s going to rape her.
50. INT. WAREHOUSE BACKROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rick frees Jessica and tells her once she’s free of the warehouse to call Detective O’Connell and tell him where she is.
51. INT. WAREHOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rick returns to the warehouse floor. Snide remarks are made about Jessica. Perkins seems suspicious.
52. EXT. WAREHOUSE ROOFTOP – MOMENTS LATER
Jessica calls O’Connell and relays Rick’s message. She decides to go back into the warehouse to help Rick.
53. EXT. WAREHOUSE – SUNDOWN
Travis and Jana reach the warehouse. It begins raining and Travis comes up with a plan.
54. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Travis bluffs to burn the folder, Perkins calls the bluff. He sends Hank to get Jessica. When Hank reports Jessica gone Perkins threatens to shoot Rick. The Death card flutters down in front of Perkins, distracting him, and Rick uses the opportunity to dive into the shadows. A game of cat and mouse begins ending with Jessica killing one guard, Rick getting shot in the shoulder protecting Travis, Hank falling off a catwalk, and swat showing up just as Perkins gets the upper hand. Perkins tosses the file folder into a fire.
55. EXT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Travis gives the file, which he had hidden in the hollowed out tarot book, to O’Connell. Rick is rushed to the hospital. Travis discovers the cards have left him.
56. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – A FEW DAYS LATER
Travis, Jana, and Jessica are at the ren faire. They wonder where Rick is.
57. INT. MADAM LYDIA’S HUT – CONTINUOUS
Rick gets the same fortune as Travis did at the beginning of the movie.
FADE OUT
Starting from the end, flag the beats that need help.
…all of them. I’m not going to repeat the whole thing here or this sucker would be LONG.
Tell us which beats you separated out and how you’ve changed each of those beats.
See above.
Conclude with your new list of beats.
FADE IN:
1. INT. CAFE – LUNCH
Travis and Rick are at lunch discussing Travis’s obsession with the esoteric and occult. On the news is a story about Perkins being investigated for racketeering.
2. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – DAY
Travis is walking around the fairgrounds. He happens upon Madam Lydia’s hut set back away from the rest of the hubbub. She calls out to him to enter and he does.
3. INT. MADAM LYDIA’S HUT – CONTINUOUS
Madam Lydia tells Travis’s fortune with an ancient set of tarot cards. She tells him that he has a lot of danger and strife coming and that the cards will “tell you what you don’t want to know”. Travis gets angry and leaves.
4. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – MOMENTS LATER
The hut vanishes as soon as Travis leaves. He freaks out and leaves the faire.
5. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Travis enters his apartment. He sits down and feels something in his pocket. It is the tarot deck Madam Lydia used. He vows to return it the next day.
6. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – THE NEXT DAY
Travis returns to the fairgrounds. He tries to find Madam Lydia. Every girl comes onto him as he does until he discovers that “The Lovers” card is on top of the deck. As soon as he reshuffles, the spell dissipates. He leaves without finding Madam Lydia.
7. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis comes home and meets Jana who is moving in next door. They have a moment and he offers to help her move in.
8. SERIES OF SHOTS OF TRAVIS HELPING JANA MOVE IN.
9. EXT. JANA’S APARTMENT – LATER
Jana tries to pay Travis but he refuses. There is a mutual attraction. Travis tells her to holler if she needs anything.
10. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Travis sits down and looks at the cards. The image on the Page of Cups looks like Jana for a moment before going back to its original artwork.
11. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON
Rick visits Travis and tells him about his new job. He spots the tarot deck and teases Travis about it. He leaves. The Ten of Swords appears beside the deck with the person on the card looking like Rick. Travis watches a news report about Perkins being investigated. The card changes to the King of Swords, the picture now looking like Perkins. Travis decides he needs to read up on tarot to figure out what is going on.
12. INT. ESOTERIC SHOP – LATER
Travis visits the shop to talk to Jessica about the cards. Jessica finds a reference to the cards in an old book about cursed items. She tells Travis to try to get rid of them.
13. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis tries to burn the cards, but to no avail. He tries to put the cards up, but the Ace of Cups slips out of the deck. He looks it up and it tells him love at first sight becomes real love. Jana knocks on his door and asks him if he wants to go to dinner. He accepts.
14. INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT – LATER
Travis and Jana are having dinner getting to know one another a little better. Jana tells Travis she works for a councilman filing important documents. He tells her he is a programmer. They flirt hard with each other.
15. EXT. JANA’S APARTMENT – EVENING
Travis and Jana kiss, but Travis has flashbacks of Kelley. Jana talks him through it. They decide to spend the night together.
16. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – NEXT MORNING
Travis takes the day off to try to destroy the cards again. The Page of Cups looking like Jana again appears and this time the voice of the cards tells Travis to “protect the one in red”. Jana shows up and tells Travis that she works for Perkins and found the information the investigators have been looking for. Hank, dressed as a cop, shows up and the cards warn Travis about him.
17. EXT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Travis answers the door looking like he just woke up. Hank asks Travis if he knows where Jana is. Travis says no, but Hank insists on looking around the apartment and enters.
18. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Hank searches Travis’s apartment, but doesn’t find Jana. He tells Travis to call Detective Stein if he hears anything and leaves. Travis watches him out of his window and sees him take off his uniform shirt and get into an unmarked car and leave. He gets Jana from her hiding place in the dishwasher. The decide to leave for somewhere safer.
19. EXT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – LATER
Travis and Jana show up and Jessica lets them in.
20. INT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jessica agrees to hide Jana in her apartment while Travis goes in search of Rick to warn him about his boss.
21. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Travis returns to his apartment to pack a bag and tries to call Rick. He only gets voicemail. He leaves.
22. INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION – SIMULTANEOUS
Rick calls Jessica and Jessica lets slip that she’s hiding Jana. Rick makes a phone call.
23. EXT. HIGHWAY/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Jessica calls Travis to tell him Rick called her. The Ten of Swords shows up and Travis realizes Rick has set them up.
24. EXT. JESSICA’S APARTMENT – MINUTES LATER
Travis shows up to the apartment and Travis shouts a warning as Hank and Rick show up. Hank shoots, but just misses Jana. Travis and Rick struggle briefly over the file before Travis snatches it and he, Jana, and Jessica flee.
25. INT. WAREHOUSE – LATER
Perkins chews out Hank and Rick and tells them to find Travis and company and the file or else.
26. INT. FARM HOUSE – EVENING
Jana sleeps while Travis and Jessica discuss where the house came from, Travis and Jana’s love, and protecting one another.
27. INT. TRAVIS’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Rick and Hank search Travis’s apartment. Rick finds Travis’s address book and sees the farm house address. He surmises that is where Travis has gone.
28. INT. FARMHOUSE – MORNING
Travis wakes up. Jessica hasn’t slept. Travis hears the voice of the cards telling him to “stop the one in gray”. He spots some stationery and begins to rifle through it, saying he’s going to write Perkins a letter.
29. EXT. HIGHWAY/HANK’S CAR – AFTERNOON
Rick and Hank have words. Rick seems to be having second thoughts.
30. INT. FARM HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Travis and company discuss going to the police, but are not sure who to trust. Jessica spots Hank’s car. Travis leads them to the back of the house.
31. EXT. FARM HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Hank and Rick come to the house. Hank suspects a trick. He tells Rick to go around back and he’ll enter through the front.
32. INT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rick and Hank search the house while Travis and company crawl through the crawlspace beneath the house. Rick and Hank search upstairs but they hear a noise and Hank runs downstairs.
33. EXT. FARM HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Hank pulls Jessica out from the crawlspace. He tells Rick to look and see if anyone else is under there. Rick looks and sees Travis and Jana, but tells Hank there isn’t anyone there. Jessica lies and tells Hank she dropped Travis and Jana off the night before and that they’re gone. Hank decides to kill Jessica, but Rick convinces him to use her as bait for Travis. They tie her up and leave to take her to Perkins.
34. INT. FARMHOUSE – LATER
Travis and Jana sit on the couch not sure what to do. Rick calls them and assures them Jessica is fine but to follow his instructions to bring the file to Perkins or they will kill her.
35. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Rick, Jessica, Hank, Perkins, and guards are all waiting for Travis’s phone call. While no one is looking, Rick signals to Jessica he’s on her side. Travis calls and Rick gives him the next set of instructions.
36. EXT. CITY STREETS/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – LATER
Travis and Jana are trying desperately to make the phone calls within the time constraints they are given. They are almost hit by a train and they run out of time for the next call.
37. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
With no phone call, Hank pulls out his gun to shoot Jessica. Rick convinces Perkins to give Travis another minute. Travis calls in the nick of time.
38. EXT. CITY STREETS/TRAVIS’S TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rick gives Travis the final instructions. He says something that makes Travis realize he’s on their side.
39. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Rick drags Jessica to a back room making it seem to Perkins and Hank that he’s going to rape her.
40. INT. WAREHOUSE BACKROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rick frees Jessica and tells her once she’s free of the warehouse to call Detective O’Connell and tell him where she is.
41. INT. WAREHOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rick returns to the warehouse floor. Snide remarks are made about Jessica. Perkins seems suspicious.
42. EXT. WAREHOUSE ROOFTOP – MOMENTS LATER
Jessica calls O’Connell and relays Rick’s message. She decides to go back into the warehouse to help Rick.
43. EXT. WAREHOUSE – SUNDOWN
Travis and Jana reach the warehouse. It begins raining and Travis comes up with a plan.
44. INT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Travis bluffs to burn the folder, Perkins calls the bluff. He sends Hank to get Jessica. When Hank reports Jessica gone Perkins threatens to shoot Rick. The Death card flutters down in front of Perkins, distracting him, and Rick uses the opportunity to dive into the shadows. A game of cat and mouse begins ending with Jessica killing one guard, Rick getting shot in the shoulder protecting Travis, Hank falling off a catwalk, and swat showing up just as Perkins gets the upper hand. Perkins tosses the file folder into a fire.
45. EXT. WAREHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Travis gives the file, which he had hidden in the hollowed out tarot book, to O’Connell. Rick is rushed to the hospital. Travis discovers the cards have left him.
46. EXT. FAIREGROUNDS – A FEW DAYS LATER
Travis, Jana, and Jessica are at the ren faire. They wonder where Rick is.
47. INT. MADAM LYDIA’S HUT – CONTINUOUS
Rick gets the same fortune as Travis did at the beginning of the movie.
FADE OUT
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Quinn’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is OMG, my concept is crap.
...also, there are so many plot holes in this draft that it looks like proverbial swiss cheese. For example: two of the characters who previously seem to not know one another WORK FOR THE SAME GUY!
Oy...25 year old me was such a hack.1. Tell us your logline.
An ancient tarot deck leads a risk-adverse young man to love, crime, and betrayal.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:Main Conflict: Perkins is trying to get the incriminating evidence back from Jana, who has enlisted Travis’s help, by any means necessary.
*My gods, this is crap. What was I thinking?*
1. Opening: Travis’s girlfriend has been cheating on him and breaks up with him.
In my defense, I DID write this screenplay after my first wife kicked me out of the house to shack up with her boyfriend.
2. Inciting Incident: Travis gets his fortune read by a mysterious woman at a Renaissance faire. The fortune tells him his life is about to be nuts and he has a mission.
...or something.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: …
Yeah, no. Page 10 has Travis still screwing about at the faire trying to return the magic cards. On Page 13 he FIRST meets Jana. We drag through an introduction to Rick and some more of Travis's self-pity as he pines for his ex, him trying to find out more about the cards and introducing Jessica, him not only asking Jana out to dinner, but GOING on said date during which Jana's ex shows up, causes trouble, and we get to see mild-mannered Travis go full on Jason Bourne, after which he spends the night with Jana...until FINALLY on page 45 we get to Jana coming home with the evidence and enlisting Travis's help.
Page 45. Of a 124 page script. Jesus.4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Hank shows up to find Jana and the file dressed as a cop.
...in a scene which is equal parts Ed Wood and THE LITTLE RASCALS.
5. Mid-Point: Hank shows up with Rick (betrayal!) and they have to flee the city.
Ironically, this scene does happen on page 63, so it is just about at the midpoint. It's just about as tense as watching the B-team poker players on TV.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Rick discovers where Travis and company are staying. He and Hank come to try to retrieve the file.
Because nothing says tension like the same scene in a different location.
7. Crisis: Jessica is captured and held hostage. Travis and Jana have to find a way to rescue her while also not giving Perkins the file back.
Oh, no! Clichés strike again! Also, for some unknown reason, Travis's mother starts making appearances via phone.
8. Climax: Standoff at a warehouse. Rick is shot, but survives. Cops show up.
Leaning heavily into the improbable, the supernatural horror/romance/suspense movie has now become straight-up action, with virtually all characters basically becoming Neo from THE MATRIX. Except that there is only one death, the character that deals the fatal blow is mortified for some bizarre reason she won't let on, and female lead basically spends her time either running or hiding. The way this entire sequence is written I'd swear an incel had written it, it's that bad.
9. Resolution: Perkins is arrested. Travis gives the documents to the lead detective. Rick is let off the hook. Everything is peachy until they go back to the faire and Rick has a similar fortune told to him.
Unfortunately, you can't get your two hours back.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.…all of them? To be honest, the concept is crap to begin with. But, I’ll keep it to try to get into the spirit of rewriting rather than re-creating.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the
main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of
other possible ways to deliver that structural item.Opening: When this was written, it was just a place to start — Kelley leaving Travis for her arm candy. It was a reflection of what was going on with me at the time. For an opening, it’s boring, cliché, and does nothing to give the audience a sense of the story, conflict, or characters. The cheating ex thing is not only overdone but it doesn’t do anything to drive the story. It is only mentioned a couple other times in passing by other characters. It is useless drivel.
Better ways to Open:
- Open on Perkins killing an informant.
- Open on someone dying and dropping the cards, and them vanishing.
- Open on Travis at work, showing him to be smart, but risk-adverse. Maybe turning down a blind date.
- Open on Travis checking his horoscope, knocking for luck, etc. Set him up as a believer instead of a skeptic, someone who would blindly follow what the cards would tell him.
- Open on Travis hacking into a system from home.
5. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items
with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the
following:Main Conflict: Perkins is trying to get the incriminating evidence back from Jana, who has enlisted Travis’s help, by any means necessary.
1. Opening: Travis and Rick are at lunch discussing Travis’s obsession with the esoteric and occult. On the news is a story about Perkins being investigated for racketeering.
2. Inciting Incident: Travis gets his fortune read by a mysterious woman at a Renaissance faire. The fortune tells him his life is about to be nuts and he has a mission.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: …
Yeah, no. Page 10 has Travis still screwing about at the faire trying to return the magic cards. On Page 13 he FIRST meets Jana. We drag through an introduction to Rick and some more of Travis's self-pity as he pines for his ex, him trying to find out more about the cards and introducing Jessica, him not only asking Jana out to dinner, but GOING on said date during which Jana's ex shows up, causes trouble, and we get to see mild-mannered Travis go full on Jason Bourne, after which he spends the night with Jana...until FINALLY on page 45 we get to Jana coming home with the evidence and enlisting Travis's help.
Page 45. Of a 124 page script. Jesus.4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Hank shows up to find Jana and the file dressed as a cop.
5. Mid-Point: Hank shows up with Rick (betrayal!) and they have to flee the city.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Rick discovers where Travis and company are staying. He and Hank come to try to retrieve the file.
7. Crisis: Jessica is captured and held hostage. Travis and Jana have to find a way to rescue her while also not giving Perkins the file back.
8. Climax: Standoff at a warehouse. Rick is shot, but survives. Cops show up.
9. Resolution: Perkins is arrested. Travis gives the documents to the lead detective. Rick is let off the hook. Everything is peachy until they go back to the faire and Rick has a similar fortune told to him.
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Quinn’s Logline and One Page!
Sorry, guys…got a late start!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how much I go for perfection from the get-go rather than just starting. I had several different ones to use and I couldn’t decide. It’s a curse I’m working on. Also, I sent this script to a service when I wrote it 20 years ago. They shredded it. They were being kind. I figure if I can turn this 1 into a 5, then I’ll have the skills to turn a 5 or 6 into a 7-8, maybe even a 9.
Logline: A young man’s life turns upside down an ancient tarot deck throws him deep into a corruption plot that threatens the life of his friends.
Summary: Travis, a young programmer, has just broken up with his girlfriend when he hits it off with his attractive neighbor, Jana. Soon after Jana discovers her boss, city councilman Perkins, is an organized crime boss and finds a file which details the laundering scheme he has going on. She takes it to Travis, hoping to figure out what to do with it. Perkins sends his strongman Hank, disguised as a cop, to get the file back.
Travis hides Jana until Hank leaves, then he takes her to his friend, Jessica’s, apartment, where they are ambushed by Hank and Rick, Travis’s best friend who has been working for Perkins unbeknownst to the others. Travis and company are able to flee to a farm house where they plan their next move. Rick finds them and leads Hank to the house. Jessica is captured while Travis and Jana hide.
Jessica is held hostage while Perkins via Rick send Travis and Jana through a series of directions to get them to the warehouse where Perkins runs his side-business. Rick has a change of heart and secretly frees Jessica. He tells her to call the cops. Travis and Jana show up and there is a standoff followed by a fight during which Rick is shot in the shoulder saving Travis’s life. The cops show up, arrest Perkins, and Travis gives the investigating detective the file.
Also, tarot cards Travis got from a fortune teller foreshadow events sporadically.
…like I said, it’s garbage.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is I had a hard stop. The perfectionist in me almost bounced me out of the process indefinitely. I basically had to just say “keep it as is and do a rewrite later” to continue. This one was a struggle.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: Cassie goes from sweet and timid to someone capable of murder
Setup: Cassie is seen being timid with everyone.
Payoff 1: Cassie is pushed around by people in her life.
Payoff 2: Cassie starts taking control: she asks the barista out.
Payoff 3: Cassie takes the barista home.
Payoff 4: Cassie turns herself in after learning Helen is murdering people.
Payoff 5: Cassie tries to kill herself after Helen kills the barista
Payoff 6: Cassie kills Bellerophon to keep Helen from learning how to take someone’s body.
SP CHAIN 2: Helen seeks a body and finds one
Setup: Helen is seen in Cassie’s dreams killing people
Payoff 1: Helen tells Cassie she’s after a body
Payoff 2: Helen threatens Bellerophon
Payoff 3: Helen ups her body count
Payoff 4: Helen takes Cassie’s new lover
SP CHAIN 3: Wallace investigates the murders and gets killed by the murderer
Setup: Wallace is investigating a murder when he notices Cassie’s reaction
Payoff 1: Wallace trails her and asks her questions.
Payoff 2: Wallace obtains Cassie’s DNA from saliva
Payoff 3: Wallace calls in a favor to match Cassie’s DNA
Payoff 4: Wallace confronts Cassie and Helen kills her.
SP CHAIN 4: Cassie’s interest in the barista leads to the barista being killed.
Setup: Cassie has a moment with the barista
Payoff 1: Cassie plucks up the courage to ask the barista out
Payoff 2: They have several dates
Payoff 3: They go to bed together
Payoff 4: Helen kills the barista for her body
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.
The first chain needs improvement. There needs to be more space on the spectrum. Need to really hammer home Cassie’s timidity and non-violence.
How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? – Need to see other places where Cassie is being pushed around. Then, there needs to be a push/respond stimuli between stages early on.
How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? – We need to feel both pity and kinship with Cassie. Make the stakes and horror deeper and more effective. Explore why she’s timid, why her asking the barista out and sticking up for herself are huge steps. Gaining control over her life, only to start losing it at the hands of Helen.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
This let’s us delve deeper into Cassie’s character and truly feel the horror at how she is shredded. It deepens the emotional connection between the audience and the character.
4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The barista who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the barista asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay. He gives her a “sample” of a new drug he thinks will help.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie goes in and tells the barista she’s had a bad day and wants a drink. They agree to see each other later.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the barista are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the barista asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. BARISTA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The barista is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the barista. The barista walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. BARISTA’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the barista because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the barista she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
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Quinn’s Monster Reveal Track
What I learned doing this assignment is…seriously, I plan way too far ahead.
1. Create each part of this model:
A. Who is your monster and what is their terror? – Alien spores which control you.
- Powers? – Control you and make you build the hive; sheer numbers
- Limitations? – Only good if they can be inhaled
- Weaknesses? – Same as limitations
- Plan/Purpose/Appetite? This is how the aliens colonize
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B. Sequence the reveals.
- Cow explodes and infects dog
- Dogs hunt down rancher and infect him
- Rancher explodes and infects hospital
- Infected people hunt down non-infected
- Contact tracing leads to hive
- Aliens attack
- Beckett tells them the alien’s plan before he dies
C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal.
- Cows are acting strange, almost aggressive
- Dogs are running in packs
- Rancher is feeling off and goes to hospital
- People whose nose and mouth are protected are safe
- Contact tracing
- The habitat inside of the hive is completely different
- The troupe finds chrysalises
2. Lay that over your current outline and fill in each clue/reveal using the tag “Monster Reveal:.”
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR – 23 pages
Atmosphere of Evil established – Meteorite hits and affects the livestock.
Horror Situation: Metoeorite lands in a pasture and vaporizes a couple of cattle. Then, spores release.
Connect with the characters – Colleen visits the site with the sheriff; Becket treats Mandi, etc…we see them in their normal world
Horror Situation: Colleen notices the cows are acting strange.
Reaction: Try to Solve It – she quarantines the herd and takes samples.
Monster Demand: Cows are acting strange, almost aggressive
The characters are warned not to do it. – Colleen talks to people at the grange about the livestock quarantine
Denial of Horror – no one takes the quarantine seriously; the mayor gives an interview with a nearby news station
Horror Situation: ranchers discover the infection has spread. A cow explodes near a cowdog and covers the dog in spores.
Monster Reveal:
Reveal: Cow explodes and infects dog
Safety taken away – pets become infected; quarantine was broken
Horror Situation: the dog goes and infects other dogs. They begin traveling in packs.
Reaction: Denial – most don’t take the animals acting differently seriously.
Monster Demand: Dogs are running in packs
Monster: The nature of the beast. – First human infected
Horror Situation: the pack of dogs attack the first rancher’s house.
Reaction: the rancher first tries to flee, then fight….
Horror Situation: …but is subdued. They hold him down while one explodes, covering him in spores
Monster Reveal: Dogs hunt down rancher and infect him
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN – 50 pages
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Cell tower has interference; a barrier has been erected; no one can escape or call out
Horror Situation: Trapped in the community – no escape, no communications – The sheriff discovers that communications have been interrupted.
Reaction: Try to solve it – he goes to check the phone lines and cell towers.
Horror Situation: Sheriff discovers the barrier around the community
Reaction: Tries to determine what the nature of the barrier is.
One of us killed – Rancher succumbs to the spores
Horror Situation: The rancher goes to the hospital – infects people there
Reaction: Escape it – people flee, though already infected
Horror Situation: people are being infected as the people in the hospital go out among the masses
Reaction: Hide from it – people lock themselves in their homes.
Horror Situation: the spores get into the homes.
Reaction: Escape it – people try to leave town only to find the barrier.
Monster Demand: Rancher is feeling off and goes to hospital
Monster Reveal: Rancher explodes and infects hospital
Monster Demand: People whose nose and mouth are protected are safe
Monster Reveal: Infected people hunt down non-infected
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Horror situation: the discovery of biomechanical machinery made from the livestock and pets
Reaction: Try to solve it – they try to determine what the machinery is for
Monster Demand: Contact tracing
Full pursuit by the killer – Colleen and Becket discover the spores and their source.
Horror: the hive is discovered – it’s truly alien and spores are everywhere
Reaction: Escape – they try to find a way through the barrier
Monster Reveal: Contact tracing leads to hive
Terrorized – more people are becoming infected and Reverend Paul and his fanatics are starting to take others to be infected, amping up the process; Becket is taken by Reverend Paul’s followers
Horror: The non-infected are working for the infected
Reaction: Fight it – The small troupe try to fight their way out
Horror: There are too many converts
Reaction: Escape – The rest of the troupe flee to the jail.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR – 17 pages
Fight to the death – The troupe decide (against Colleen’s warnings and Carter’s pleadings) to try to destroy the hive and the infected with it. The Mayor and the sheriff are killed here.
Horror: There are new beings in the hive that are protecting it.
Reaction: Fight – try to kill them all and take out the hive
Horror: A chrysalis is damaged and the half-liquified remains of someone comes out.
Reaction: flee
Monster Demand: The habitat inside of the hive is completely different
Monster Reveal: Aliens attack
Monster Demand: The troupe finds chrysalises
Hysteria – Becket appears and tells them some people are being converted into a new life form, an alien race. This is how they proliferate throughout the cosmos. The hive has selected Mandi as its queen.
Horror: Alien invasion is well under way
Reaction: escape and find help from the outside
Horror: The warriors pursue them
Reaction: Fight, then escape
Monster Reveal: Beckett tells them the alien’s plan before he dies
The thrilling escape from death – Colleen, Mandi, and Carter escape the hive and discover a way through the barrier.
Death returns to take one or more. – Reverend Paul and his followers appear. They grab Mandi. Colleen holds the zealots off to allow time for Carter to escape. She uses the last bullet to commit suicide.
Horror: The converts attack the remaining troupe.
Reaction: Fight. Rev Paul is killed.
Horror: The warriors appear and wipe out the converts and take Mandi. They attack Colleen
Reaction: Colleen fights while Carter flees.
Horror: Colleen is infected.
Reaction: She shoots herself.
Resolution – Carter punches through the barrier only to thousands of more barriers as far as the eye can see. Mandi awakes as the new queen.
Horror: The world has already fallen.
Reaction: denial, despair.
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Quinn’s Character Death Track
What I learned doing this assignment is I plan way too much in advance.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR – 23 pages
Atmosphere of Evil established – Meteorite hits and affects the livestock.
Horror Situation: Meteorite lands in a pasture and vaporizes a couple of cattle. Then, spores release.
Connect with the characters – Colleen visits the site with the sheriff; Becket treats Mandi, etc…we see them in their normal world
Horror Situation: Colleen notices the cows are acting strange.
Reaction: Try to Solve It – she quarantines the herd and takes samples.
The characters are warned not to do it. – Colleen talks to people at the grange about the livestock quarantine
Denial of Horror – no one takes the quarantine seriously; the mayor gives an interview with a nearby news station
Horror Situation: ranchers discover the infection has spread. A cow explodes near a cowdog and covers the dog in spores.
Safety taken away – pets become infected; quarantine was broken
Horror Situation: the dog goes and infects other dogs. They begin traveling in packs.
Reaction: Denial – most don’t take the animals acting differently seriously.
Monster: The nature of the beast. – First human infected
Horror Situation: the pack of dogs attack the first rancher’s house.
Reaction: the rancher first tries to flee, then fight….
Horror Situation: …but is subdued. They hold him down while one explodes, covering him in spores
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN – 50 pages
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Cell tower has interference; a barrier has been erected; no one can escape or call out
Horror Situation: Trapped in the community – no escape, no communications – The sheriff discovers that communications have been interrupted.
Reaction: Try to solve it – he goes to check the phone lines and cell towers.
Horror Situation: Sheriff discovers the barrier around the community
Reaction: Tries to determine what the nature of the barrier is.
One of us killed – Rancher succumbs to the spores
Horror Situation: The rancher goes to the hospital – infects people there
Reaction: Escape it – people flee, though already infected
Horror Situation: people are being infected as the people in the hospital go out among the masses
Reaction: Hide from it – people lock themselves in their homes.
Horror Situation: the spores get into the homes.
Reaction: Escape it – people try to leave town only to find the barrier.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Horror situation: the discovery of biomechanical machinery made from the livestock and pets
Reaction: Try to solve it – they try to determine what the machinery is for
Full pursuit by the killer – Colleen and Becket discover the spores and their source.
Horror: the hive is discovered – it’s truly alien and spores are everywhere
Reaction: Escape – they try to find a way through the barrier
Terrorized – more people are becoming infected and Reverend Paul and his fanatics are starting to take others to be infected, amping up the process; Becket is taken by Reverend Paul’s followers
Horror: The non-infected are working for the infected
Reaction: Fight it – The small troupe try to fight their way out
Horror: There are too many converts
Reaction: Escape – The rest of the troupe flee to the jail.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR – 17 pages
Fight to the death – The troupe decide (against Colleen’s warnings and Carter’s pleadings) to try to destroy the hive and the infected with it. The Mayor and the sheriff are killed here.
Horror: There are new beings in the hive that are protecting it.
Reaction: Fight – try to kill them all and take out the hive
Horror: A chrysalis is damaged and the half-liquified remains of someone comes out.
Reaction: flee
Hysteria – Becket appears and tells them some people are being converted into a new life form, an alien race. This is how they proliferate throughout the cosmos. The hive has selected Mandi as its queen.
Horror: Alien invasion is well under way
Reaction: escape and find help from the outside
Horror: The warriors pursue them
Reaction: Fight, then escape
The thrilling escape from death – Colleen, Mandi, and Carter escape the hive and discover a way through the barrier.
Death returns to take one or more. – Reverend Paul and his followers appear. They grab Mandi. Colleen holds the zealots off to allow time for Carter to escape. She uses the last bullet to commit suicide.
Horror: The converts attack the remaining troupe.
Reaction: Fight. Rev Paul is killed.
Horror: The warriors appear and wipe out the converts and take Mandi. They attack Colleen
Reaction: Colleen fights while Carter flees.
Horror: Colleen is infected.
Reaction: She shoots herself.
Resolution – Carter punches through the barrier only to thousands of more barriers as far as the eye can see. Mandi awakes as the new queen.
Horror: The world has already fallen.
Reaction: denial, despair.
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Quinn’s Horror Situation Track
What I learned doing this assignment is I keep having to force myself to pull back a bit and work on the broad strokes. I constantly want to solve minor details when I’m not even at the draft level yet. It’s a lesson I have to keep learning, apparently.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR – 23 pages
Atmosphere of Evil established – Meteorite hits and affects the livestock.
Horror Situation: Metoeorite lands in a pasture and vaporizes a couple of cattle. Then, spores release.
Connect with the characters – Colleen visits the site with the sheriff; Becket treats Mandi, etc…we see them in their normal world
Horror Situation: Colleen notices the cows are acting strange.
Reaction: Try to Solve It – she quarantines the herd and takes samples.
The characters are warned not to do it. – Colleen talks to people at the grange about the livestock quarantine
Denial of Horror – no one takes the quarantine seriously; the mayor gives an interview with a nearby news station
Horror Situation: ranchers discover the infection has spread. A cow explodes near a cowdog and covers the dog in spores.
Safety taken away – pets become infected; quarantine was broken
Horror Situation: the dog goes and infects other dogs. They begin traveling in packs.
Reaction: Denial – most don’t take the animals acting differently seriously.
Monster: The nature of the beast. – First human infected
Horror Situation: the pack of dogs attack the first rancher’s house.
Reaction: the rancher first tries to flee, then fight….
Horror Situation: …but is subdued. They hold him down while one explodes, covering him in spores
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN – 50 pages
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Cell tower has interference; a barrier has been erected; no one can escape or call out
Horror Situation: Trapped in the community – no escape, no communications – The sheriff discovers that communications have been interrupted.
Reaction: Try to solve it – he goes to check the phone lines and cell towers.
Horror Situation: Sheriff discovers the barrier around the community
Reaction: Tries to determine what the nature of the barrier is.
One of us killed – Rancher succumbs to the spores
Horror Situation: The rancher goes to the hospital – infects people there
Reaction: Escape it – people flee, though already infected
Horror Situation: people are being infected as the people in the hospital go out among the masses
Reaction: Hide from it – people lock themselves in their homes.
Horror Situation: the spores get into the homes.
Reaction: Escape it – people try to leave town only to find the barrier.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Horror situation: the discovery of biomechanical machinery made from the livestock and pets
Reaction: Try to solve it – they try to determine what the machinery is for
Full pursuit by the killer – Colleen and Becket discover the spores and their source.
Horror: the hive is discovered – it’s truly alien and spores are everywhere
Reaction: Escape – they try to find a way through the barrier
Terrorized – more people are becoming infected and Reverend Paul and his fanatics are starting to take others to be infected, amping up the process; Becket is taken by Reverend Paul’s followers
Horror: The non-infected are working for the infected
Reaction: Fight it – The small troupe try to fight their way out
Horror: There are too many converts
Reaction: Escape – The rest of the troupe flee to the jail.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR – 17 pages
Fight to the death – The troupe decide (against Colleen’s warnings and Carter’s pleadings) to try to destroy the hive and the infected with it. The Mayor and the sheriff are killed here.
Horror: There are new beings in the hive that are protecting it.
Reaction: Fight – try to kill them all and take out the hive
Horror: A chrysalis is damaged and the half-liquified remains of someone comes out.
Reaction: flee
Hysteria – Becket appears and tells them some people are being converted into a new life form, an alien race. This is how they proliferate throughout the cosmos. The hive has selected Mandi as its queen.
Horror: Alien invasion is well under way
Reaction: escape and find help from the outside
Horror: The warriors pursue them
Reaction: Fight, then escape
The thrilling escape from death – Colleen, Mandi, and Carter escape the hive and discover a way through the barrier.
Death returns to take one or more. – Reverend Paul and his followers appear. They grab Mandi. Colleen holds the zealots off to allow time for Carter to escape. She uses the last bullet to commit suicide.
Horror: The converts attack the remaining troupe.
Reaction: Fight. Rev Paul is killed.
Horror: The warriors appear and wipe out the converts and take Mandi. They attack Colleen
Reaction: Colleen fights while Carter flees.
Horror: Colleen is infected.
Reaction: She shoots herself.
Resolution – Carter punches through the barrier only to thousands of more barriers as far as the eye can see. Mandi awakes as the new queen.
Horror: The world has already fallen.
Reaction: denial, despair.
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Quincy Alastair Cooke
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GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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1. Name?
Quincy, but I go by Quinn
2. How many scripts you’ve written?
1 completed; several in the works
3. What you hope to get out of the class?
Better scripts, faster writing time
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
I have a false memory of being accosted by a robot deer when I was a child that no one can explain.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Horror Plot
What I learned doing this assignment is how much you have to lean into the genre at first. With fiction you are allowed some time before anything really gnarly happens. With film, it’s crank-it-up-to-11 from the get-go. Film is almost like the anti-fiction: state the theme and then establish the characters.
1. Knowing your concept, fill in one or two sentences for each of the plot points.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR<div>
- Atmosphere of Evil established – Meteorite hits and affects the livestock.
- Connect with the characters – Colleen visits the site with the sheriff; Becket treats Mandi, etc…we see them in their normal world
- The characters are warned not to do it. – Colleen talks to people at the grange about the livestock quarantine
- Denial of Horror – no one takes the quarantine seriously; the mayor gives an interview with a nearby news station
- Safety taken away – pets become infected; quarantine was broken
- Monster: The nature of the beast. – First human infected
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
- Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Cell tower has interference; a barrier has been erected; no one can escape or call out
- One of us killed – Rancher succumbs to the spores
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
- Full pursuit by the killer – Colleen and Becket discover the spores and their source.
- Terrorized – more people are becoming infected and Reverend Paul and his fanatics are starting to take others to be infected, amping up the process; Becket is taken by Reverend Paul’s followers
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
- Fight to the death – The troupe decide (against Colleen’s warnings and Carter’s pleadings) to try to destroy the hive and the infected with it. The Mayor and the sheriff are killed here.
- Hysteria – Becket appears and tells them some people are being converted into a new life form, an alien race. This is how they proliferate throughout the cosmos. The hive has selected Mandi as its queen.
- The thrilling escape from death – Colleen, Mandi, the sheriff, and Carter escape the hive and discover a way through the barrier.
- Death returns to take one or more. – Reverend Paul and his followers appear. They grab Mandi. Colleen holds the zealots off to allow time for Carter to escape. She uses the last bullet to commit suicide.
- Resolution – Carter punches through the barrier only to thousands of more barriers as far as the eye can see. Mandi awakes as the new queen.
</div>
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Characters for Horror
What I learned doing this assignment is some of the different tropes used in horror, outside of Jamie Kennedy’s rundown in Scream.
1. Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen.
Concept: A meteorite that crashes near a rural town brings with it a spores which take people over and begin to convert the area for colonization by extraterrestrials.
Group: Social Group – a small rural community
2. Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie.
Pattern A – 6 to 8 characters killed* off one-by-one.
3. Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.
- Leader – Colleen Francis, DVM – Colleen is the vet and is the one to determine what is going on; it is she who is trying to save the community (and possibly the planet)
- Innocent – Mandi – 11 year old Mandi is immunocompromised, which is how she avoided becoming infected. Her parents, not so much.
- Out of control / Obnoxious – Rev. Paul – fanatic, believes first that the “plague” is a sign of the end times, then that the invasion is the second coming
- Complainer – name TBD – local rancher whose cattle were lost to the spores
- Rebel / Rule Breaker – name TBD – mayor with an eye for the governor’s seat
- Introvert / Loner – Sheriff Howard “Howie” Gilmore – widower, helps Colleen and Becket, tries to get outside help.
- Moral One – Carter – high school senior, insists there must be a way to turn everyone back to normal
- Sacrificial Lamb – Tom Becket, MD – the local physician who is working with Colleen to try to save the community
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how easy it is to forget to flesh out a subplot when you’re not paying attention, and how much a subplot can deliver on the main plot. Subplots are also a good way to deliver on the theme, and has given me a few ideas on where to twist the story a bit.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplot #1: Detective Wallace is trying to solve the murders and knows Cassie is involved somehow.
Beginning: Wallace sees Cassie’s reaction at the first crime scene and it puts her on his radar.
Middle: Wallace tricks Cassie into giving him a DNA sample and calls in a favor to run it fast.
End: Helen kills Wallace when Cassie calls him to confess.
Subplot #2: Cassie and the barista get involved leading to Helen killing the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
Beginning: Cassie and the barista have a few moments before the barista asks her out.
Middle: Cassie and the barista go on a date and end up in bed together.
End: Helen kills the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/emotional way to improve your story.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2: How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character? – I need to add more and earlier scenes with the barista. This is the sucker punch to tip Cassie over the edge.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Beginning: Cassie and the barista have a few moments before the barista asks her out. Cassie discusses her solitude with Bellerophon early on.
Middle: Cassie and the barista go on several dates and end up in bed together. Her companionship starts to push Helen back down.
End: Bellerophon gives Cassie some new meds which allows Helen to come forward. Helen kills the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The barista who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the barista asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay. He gives her a “sample” of a new drug he thinks will help.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie goes in and tells the barista she’s had a bad day and wants a drink. They agree to see each other later.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the barista are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the barista asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. BARISTA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The barista is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the barista. The barista walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. BARISTA’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the barista because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the barista she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Terrifying Monster
What I learned doing this assignment is
Tell us what or who your monster is:
Unknown spores from a meteorite which changes people into single-minded drones.
Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:
- Their Terror:
- How does the monster terrorize? – It changes you; who you are is lost.
- How does the monster pursue? – First by contact with the meteorite, then by air – carried on the wind or exhaled by the infected.
- How does the monster isolate? – The first thing the drones do is build a barrier to protect the hive.
- What is the terrible thing they do? – They first turn you into a drone, which are single-minded in their tasks of defend and build; then, you turn into something else via a pupa/chrysalis phase.
- How does the monster cause death? – (1) It changes who you are (death of the self) (2) If you are deemed a threat, the drones will kill you.
- What makes this inescapable? – Its in the air, its in your family and friends, and the drones have build structures to ensure no one can get in or out.
- Their Mystery: How do the characters keep from being turned, how/can they return their friends and family back to normal, how/can they stop the spread, how/can they escape/get help from the outside?
- <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Their Fear Provoking Appearance: A cloud, your friends, the final stage
- Their Rules: It’s in the air, on surfaces…it’s so easy to be infected; it changes who you are, mentally and emotionally, before physically transforming you into something new; whoever is infected has two goals: build the hive, defend the hive; you can’t come back from the change – it’s permanent
- Their Mythology: This is how an alien world is colonizing other planets: genetically engineered spores lie dormant inside of a crystalline shell which will survive entry into a habitable planet and, once awakened by the heat and presence of certain required characteristics (gravity, water, etc), will begin converting select fauna into drones to build the new hive, which subsequently become the colony by a pupae stage. The existing flora will begin to change into the kind of food the aliens require. The meteorite found in the screenplay is one of thousands, if not tens of thousands, which strike the Earth during a shower.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is my MC does a lot more reaction than action, which can kill the character. I had to set up a progression in order to get her to go from a passive character to an active character. I’ll likely come back to this phase many times during writing to ensure that the characters are more active.
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept: A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
– Protagonist Goal: To stop Helen from using her body to commit murder.
– Protagonist Character Arc: Cassie goes from timid and non-violent to assured and capable of killing.
– Main Conflict: Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list using Cassie’s body.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
and list it.
Cassie Helen Bellerophon
———————————————————————————————–———————————————————————————————–———————————————————————————————–—————————————————–——————
Goes to Bellerophon (reaction) Kills the first victim (action) Hides Helen from Cassie (action)
Goes to Bellerophon again (reaction) Kills second victim(s) (action) Destroys the evidence (reaction)
Calls Wallace (action) Kills Wallace (reaction) Makes Helen clean up the mess (reaction)
Tries to commit suicide (reaction) Kills the love interest (action)
Kills Bellerophon (action) Tries to stop her (reaction)
Turns herself in (action)
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
Witnesses the murders
Meets Helen
Tries to turn herself in, but is used to kill Wallace
Lover is killed.
Tries to kill herself, but is stopped.
Kills Bellerophon so Helen doesn’t get a body
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments
from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
-
Quincy (Quinn)’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is my dilemma was actually under developed. It’s a good thing to know this early in the process. Definitely have to hunker down and really give it some thought.
1. Tell us your concept.
A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Helen tells Cassie what it is like to be imprisoned in someone else’s body
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Every time Cassie realizes Helen has murdered someone, she goes to Bellerophon to sort it out. When she discovers he’s behind the whole thing, she turns herself in, but is subsequently released because no physical evidence links her to the murders. She then tries to kill herself, but Helen prevents her from doing so.
All the while, Helen continues to up the stakes at Bellerophon’s behest.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When she pushes Bellerophon out of the window.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
Helen loses her life. Cassie loses her soul.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Everyone is corruptible.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
1. You can resist the temptation to descend into corruption.
2. Everyone has their breaking point.<div><div>
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
<div> Cassie begins as a non-violent person who wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s timid and doesn’t even want to call out someone’s rudeness to her. As she begins to understand that her body is being used for horrible things, she begins to become desperate, making choices she wouldn’t usually make.<div>
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Realizing she must embrace the violence in order to end it, she kills Bellerophon, but loses herself.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over. Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body.
Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops.
Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman from the coffee shop. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. Next to Helen’s last entry Cassie writes, “I will find you a body.”
FADE OUT
</div></div></div></div>
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The Conjuring Horror Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment is the “official” conventions. I’ve never really seen them put down before.
Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.
- Title / Concept: The Conjuring / Two demonologists help a family whose new home is haunted by a malevolent sprit who wants to possess the mother and kill the youngest daughter.
- Terrorize The Characters: Thumps and bangs, followed by marks on mom’s arm, people getting dragged through the house and thrown around, and finally a possession.
- Isolation: The church won’t help them. It’s just Ed and Lorraine. Mom is singled out.
- Death: Nobody dies, but several scares and mom is possessed.
- Monster/Villain: A demon witch who hung herself after killing her own child.
- High Tension: The hauntings get worse, going from scary to dangerous as the family gets hurt, scratched, thrown around, and finally possessed.
- Departure from Reality: Ghosts and demons and mediums, oh my!
- Moral Statement: The love for family can conquer anything.
Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film? The hide-and-clap was truly terrifying. More so than the possession.
With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.
- Concept: A meteorite that crashes near a rural town brings with it a spores which take people over and begin to convert the area for colonization by extraterrestrials.
- Terrorize The Characters: The spores change people, first mentally and then physically. Those already affected begin trying to drag others to the impact site to also be infected. Those who try to rebel are either infected or outright killed.
- Isolation: The MCs are the only ones who are unaffected as their friends and neighbors succumb to the spores.
- Death: One by one the characters are either infested or killed.
- Monster/Villain: The alien spores are like the zombie ant fungus: it changes people, makes them little more than worker drones.
- High Tension: It starts with a single person who found the meteorite, then it starts infecting people before anyone realizes what is actually going on, then the drones begin to actively pursue more people to convert and kill any rebels.
- Departure from Reality: Alien spores, ramping up to an alien colony.
- Moral Statement: Wear your damned mask.
-
Quincy (Quinn)’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is
1. Tell us your concept.
A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Cassie and Helen stop Bellerophon from using them as his murder tool?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
When we see the murder Cassie witnessed in her dream.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
More murders take place. Helen kills Wallace. Bellerophon gives Helen a kill list.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Cassie pushes Bellerophon out the window.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When Helen tells Cassie why she’s killing.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
More murders in shorter time
Higher profile murders
The kill list
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
The threat to not deliver on the promise of a body for Helen.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Cassie kills Bellerophon.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie is home and starts to call Bellerophon. There is a knock at her door. It is Detective Wallace. He comes in and asks Cassie where she was. It turns out there was a murder in the club where she was earlier. He shows her a picture of the murdered woman in the stall that Cassie had seen in what she thought was a dream. He tells her that a camera caught her going into the bathroom around the time of the murder. Helen arises and strangles Wallace. As soon as she’s done, Cassie screams. Helen talks to Cassie directly telling her they will have to dispose of the body.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body.
Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops.
Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman from the coffee shop. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. In Helen’s handwriting, she writes “NO”. She smiles the rictus smile…it’s Helen, and she’s gotten her body.
FADE OUT
-
Quincy (Quinn) Cooke
1 script.
To write great horror.
Something unique: Until I was 11, the family business was meat processing and running a local store in rural Texas. I’ve been watching animals being slaughtered since I was 4.
-
Quincy (Quinn) Cooke
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
-
Quincy (Quinn) Cooke
1 script written.
To write better, faster.
Something unique: I’m naturally immune to Streptococcus pyogenes. I could gargle with a strep throat patient’s spit and it wouldn’t take.
-
Quincy (Quinn) Cooke
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Quincy (Quinn) SLW Version 1
Concept: A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
Lead Characters:
- Cassandra (Cassie): Is a young woman who has been having nightmares that she has been killing people, only to discover the nightmares are real.
- Helen: The unborn twin who is inhabiting Cassie’s body at night and committing murders.
- Dr. Seth Bellerophon: The psychiatrist who is treating Cassie. He is a serial killer using Helen as his weapon.
- Det. Jim Wallace: The detective assigned to the serial killer case. He suspects Cassie is connected.
Plot/Structure:
#5 Escape – Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
- Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
- Inciting Incident: Cassie walks on the scene of the crime and Wallace notices her reaction.
- Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
- First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
- Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
- Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Helen takes over
- Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
- Climax: Cassie kills Bellerophon, but gets away with the murder.
- Resolution: Helen is fully in charge now.
Character Arc:
- Part to be changed: Cassie is timid and afraid to take actions.
- Biggest fear: Her actions will end up hurting someone.
- Completion of arc: She becomes a killer.
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
- Dramatic Question: Can Cassie and Helen stop Bellerophon from using them as his murder tool?
- Main Conflict: Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list.
- Dilemma: Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
Theme: Everyone is corruptible.
Outline/Plot in Structure:
FADE IN
Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
1. EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
2. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
3. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
4. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
Inciting Incident: Cassie happens upon a murder scene which matches her dream.
5. EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
6. INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
7. INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
8. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
9. INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
10. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
11. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
12. EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her he noticed her at the previous murder and when another murder came up this morning with a similar MO he was curious. He had her followed to see where she went. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he gives her his card and tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
13. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
14. EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
15. INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
16. INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
17. INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
18. INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
19. INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie is home and starts to call Bellerophon. There is a knock at her door. It is Detective Wallace. He comes in and asks Cassie where she was. It turns out there was a murder in the club where she was earlier. He shows her a picture of the murdered woman in the stall that Cassie had seen in what she thought was a dream. He tells her that a camera caught her going into the bathroom around the time of the murder. Helen arises and strangles Wallace. As soon as she’s done, Cassie screams. Helen talks to Cassie directly telling her they will have to dispose of the body.
20. INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
21. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerphon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
22. SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
Climax: Cassie kills Bellerophon to keep him from killing anyone else.
23. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body. Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible.
Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops. Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
24. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
25. INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
Resolution: Helen is in charge.
26. INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The woman from the coffee shop bails out Cassie. She asks Cassie what’s going on and Cassie tells her it is mistaken identity. They leave together.
27. INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up. She goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. In Helen’s handwriting, she writes “NO”. She smiles the rictus smile…it’s Helen, and she’s gotten her body.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Quincy Cooke.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Quincy Cooke. Reason: Added Day 8 outline
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is that the concept work is never truly completed. Even now when we have selected the story, the characters, and the basics of plot, we’re still tinkering with concept. This is fascinating, especially coming from fiction, in that you’re not set on the true story until the film is in the can.
2. BEFORE:
Concept: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
Lead Characters:
- Cassandra (Cassie): Is a young woman who has been having nightmares that she has been killing people, only to discover the nightmares are real.
- Helen: The unborn twin who is inhabiting Cassie’s body at night and committing murders.
- Dr. Seth Bellerophon: The psychiatrist who is treating Cassie.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
#5 Escape – Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
- Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
- Inciting Incident: Cassie sees a news report about the murder.
- Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
- First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
- Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
- Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
- Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
- Climax: Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.
- Resolution: Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.
Character Arc:
- Part to be changed: Cassie is timid and afraid to take actions.
- Biggest fear: Her actions will end up hurting someone.
- Completion of arc: She takes action to keep more people from being hurt and killed.
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
- Dramatic Question: How will Cassie stop Helen from taking over her body and killing.
- Main Conflict: Helen commits more and more atrocious murders using Cassie’s body, but nobody believes Cassie
- Dilemma: Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
Theme: What is a life worth?
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
Even now, I think I can tweak the concept a bit, especially after coming up with the main conflict. The theme is a little iffy as well, though it may strengthen through subsequent passes. There’s a B-story between Cassie and a police Detective that needs to be strengthened. I like the character arc, but I need to really show the beginning Cassie more. There is also a “second” main story: that of Helen. She has a hero’s story type of arc. Bellerophon probably needs some deeper work as well.
The real question I’m struggling with is…what is the horror? Is the horror from external or internal manipulation?
4. AFTER:
Concept: A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
Lead Characters:
- Cassandra (Cassie): Is a young woman who has been having nightmares that she has been killing people, only to discover the nightmares are real.
- Helen: The unborn twin who is inhabiting Cassie’s body at night and committing murders.
- Dr. Seth Bellerophon: The psychiatrist who is treating Cassie. He is a serial killer using Helen as his weapon.
- Det. Jim Wallace: The detective assigned to the serial killer case. He suspects Cassie is connected.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
- 5 Escape – Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
- Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
- Inciting Incident: Cassie walks on the scene of the crime and Wallace notices her reaction.
- Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
- First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
- Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
- Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Helen takes over
- Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
- Climax: Cassie kills Bellerophon, but gets away with the murder.
- Resolution: Helen is fully in charge now.
Character Arc:
- Part to be changed: Cassie is timid and afraid to take actions.
- Biggest fear: Her actions will end up hurting someone.
- Completion of arc: She becomes a killer.
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
- Dramatic Question: Can Cassie and Helen stop Bellerophon from using them as his murder tool?
- Main Conflict: Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list.
- Dilemma: Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
Theme: Everyone is corruptible.
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Quinn’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…
1. Logline: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: Escape – Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural
progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
3. Structure:
Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
Inciting Incident: Cassie sees a news report about the murder.
Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
Climax: Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.
Resolution: Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: Cassie is timid and afraid to take actions.
Biggest fear: Her actions will end up hurting someone.
Completion of arc: She takes action to keep more people from being hurt and killed.
5. Plot in Structure:
FADE IN
Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
1. EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
2. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
3. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
4. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
Inciting Incident: <strike>Cassie sees a news report about the murder.</strike> Cassie happens upon a murder scene which matches her dream.
5. EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
6. INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
7. INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
8. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
9. INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
10. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
11. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
12. EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her he noticed her at the previous murder and when another murder came up this morning with a similar MO he was curious. He had her followed to see where she went. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he gives her his card and tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
13. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open. It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal. Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
14. EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
15. INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
16. INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
17. INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
18. INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
19. INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie is home and starts to call Bellerophon. There is a knock at her door. It is Detective Wallace. He comes in and asks Cassie where she was. It turns out there was a murder in the club where she was earler. He shows her a picture of the murdered woman in the stall that Cassie had seen in what she thought was a dream. He tells her that a camera caught her going into the bathroom around the time of the murder. Helen arises and strangles Wallace. As soon as she’s done, Cassie screams. Helen talks to Cassie directly telling her they will have to dispose of the body.
20. INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
21. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerphon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
22. SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
Climax: <strike>Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.</strike> Cassie kills Bellerophon to keep him from killing anyone else.
23. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body. Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops. Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
24. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
25. INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
Resolution: <strike>Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.</strike> Helen is in charge.
26. INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The woman from the coffee shop bails out Cassie. She asks Cassie what’s going on and Cassie tells her it is mistaken identity. They leave together.
27. INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up. She goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. In Helen’s handwriting, she writes “NO”. She smiles the rictus smile…it’s Helen, and she’s gotten her body.
FADE OUT
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Quincy (Quinn) Favorite Movie Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is how long some scenes can really be. There were scenes that were barely there, but were necessary to keep the story going. There were scenes that took up 5 minutes of screen time. You begin to really discern the difference between a scene and a shot. There were some scenes that incorporated a number of shots. Some, I’m pretty sure, even changed locations, i.e. outside to inside.
Dramatic Question: Will Walter find the photo in time to save his job?
Main Conflict: The final photo for the final issue of Life Magazine is missing and must be found before the magazine goes to press in a few weeks.
Dilemma: Walter needs to decide between security and boldness.
Theme: We all have hidden strength.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
FADE IN
1. INT. WALTER’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Walter balances his checkbook and then tries to leave a wink for Cheryl after hesitating. The site glitches.
2. EXT. NEW YORK – MORNING
Opening credits Part I
3. EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM – MORNING
Walter calls Tod from eHarmony to report the glitch. Tod mentions that Walter’s profile is mostly blank. Walter hears a dog bark.
4. EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX – MOMENTS LATER
Walter dives off the train platform into a burning building. He rescues Cheryl’s dog as the building explodes. He has a meet-cute with Cheryl.
5. EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM – MOMENTS LATER
Walter comes back to reality. He has missed his train. He hangs up with Tod and runs to work.
6. EXT. NEW YORK – MOMENTS LATER
Walter runs through the city. Opening Credits Part II
7. INT. TIME LIFE BUILDING LOBBY – MINUTES LATER
Walter meets a coworker who informs him Time Life has been acquired. Walter’s sister appears with his mother’s clementine cake to wish him happy birthday. She asks him to go help his mother move into a retirement community so she can audition. Walter refuses and takes the cake to go to his job.
8. INT TIME LIFE BUILDING ELEVATORS – MOMENTS LATER
Walter meets the coworker from before who is with another coworker. As they are talking Ted, the managing director of the acquisition transition, introduces himself. The other coworkers introduce themselves. Ted asks who Walter is as the elevator dings and they all get on.
9. INT ELEVATOR – MOMENTS LATER
Walter tries to introduce himself and stumbles on his words. Ted makes fun of him and then purposefully ignores him. Walter then makes fun of Ted’s beard. Ted gets his attention. Walter has zoned out again. Walter tells him he is the negative assets manager. Ted scoffs as the elevator dings and he leaves.
10. INT OFFICE AREA – MOMENTS LATER
Ted schmoozes with another manager. Walter walks through the office to the break area. He sees Cheryl who says hi, but it turns out she’s talking to another co-worker.
10. INT BREAK AREA – MOMENTS LATER
Walter pours himself a cup of coffee and eavesdrops on Cheryl’s conversation with her friend. She relates a fantasy weekend.
11. INT OFFICE COMMON AREA – MOMENTS LATER
Cheryl’s friend walks off. The wall behind Cheryl cracks open and parts. Walter inhabits the fantasy which Cheryl spoke about to her friend.
12. INT BREAK AREA – MOMENTS LATER
Ted and two managers watch as Walter stares off into space. Ted calls him “Major Tom” throws a paper clip at him. The paperclip hits Walter and brings him out of his fantasy. The managers walk off laughing. Cheryl looks sympathetic as Walter leaves the area.
13. INT NEGATIVE ASSESTS DEPARTMENT – MINUTES LATER
Walter greets his assistant, Hernando. They briefly discuss the acquisition. Walter discovers the negative roll famous photojournalist Sean O’Connell has left. He also left a note and a wallet as a gift for Walter. Hernando mounts the neg role and they discover a vital negative, number 25, is missing. Sean says it is the best of his career: “The Quintessence of Life”. Coworker from earlier comes in and tells them that there is a big meeting because Sean sent a telegram to the management about negative 25.
14. INT MEETING ROOM – MINUTES LATER
Walter walks in on the meeting already in session. One of the managers is trying to make the acquisition seems less painful. He drops the news that the next issue will be the last issue. Ted takes over when the “good news” portion arrives and tells everyone about the telegram Sean sent. He asks Walter for the negative. Walter stalls. As the meeting disperses Ted is told the issue goes to press in 2-1/2 weeks.
15. INT OUTSIDE MEETING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Walter approaches Cheryl. He asks if she has an address for Sean. She doesn’t, but mentions Peg might as she just processed a check. She’ll get back to Walter later with the info. Hernando comes to Walter with the contact sheet.
16. INT NEGATIVE ASSESTS DEPARTMENT – LATER
Walter and Hernando study the contact sheet to try to determine what negative 25 could be and where Sean might have been. There are only three good photos. Walter has Hernando blow up those three photos.
17. EXT TIME LIFE BUILDING – LATER
Walter is sitting in front of the fountain studying the photos. Cheryl approaches him and tells him that Peg will get back to him. Walter tells Cheryl negative 25 is lost and he’s trying to track him down via the images. Cheryl tries to help him decipher the photos, but they are unable. Walter goes into another fantasy after fumbling with his words. He gets a call from Odessa (his sister) who needs his help.
18. EXT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY APARTMENT – LATER
Walter, Odessa, and the real estate agent look on a piano hangs from a crane. The apartment is not big enough for the piano, which is their mother’s most treasured possession – their dad bought it for her the year they were married. They need a bigger apartment.
19. INT. RETIREMENT COMMUNITY OFFICE – MINUTES LATER
The real estate agent tells them about a bigger apartment, but it’s much more expensive. They decide to take it and the agent tells them another one will come available in three weeks. He walks away and Odessa gives Walter his birthday present: a Stretch Armstrong.
20. INT RETIREMENT COMMUNITY APARTMENT – LATER
Walter and Odessa help their mom as she repacks her things. Walter tells his mother she can move in with him until an apartment comes available. Odessa finds Walter’s old backpack and travel journal he never got to use because he had to go to work to support everyone after his father died. He gets a text from Hernando about “word in the water” and leaves to go back to work.
21. INT TIME LIFE BUILDING ELEVATOR LOBBY – LATER
Walter meets Hernando who shows him a word in the water of one of the photos. They get into the elevator.
22. INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Walter realizes the picture is actually the reflection of a ship in the ocean. The word is the name of the ship and it’s port city. The elevator dings and Hernando gets off while Ted gets on.
23. INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Ted harasses Walter and then asks if the photo is number 25. Walter tries to stall again. Ted teases him about the Stretch Armstrong and then tries to steal it. A fight ensues which leads into the street.
24. EXT NEW YORK STREETS – CONTINUOUS
Walter and Ted have a superhero-like fight through the streets ending with–
25. INT ELEVATOR – MOMENTS LATER
Ted is tapping Walter’s forehead in the same tempo as the dinging of the elevator. Ted makes fun of him again and then tells him to find the picture as he leaves the elevator and walks away.
26. INT. ELEVATOR AREA – CONTINUOUS
Walter gets an elevator as he gets a phone call. It’s Tod from eHarmony to help him to beef the profile. As Walter walks through the office Tod asks why Walter doesn’t just try to ask Cheryl out normally and Walter tells him he’s trying to set up a meet-cute much like the “Pina Colada” song. He sees Cheryl and hangs up.
27. INT OFFICE AREA – CONTINUOUS
Walter shows Cheryl the boat picture. Cheryl uses her phone to Google the name of the boat. While her phone buffers she gets a text. Her son was skateboarding with a friend in the park and she needs to pick him up. She asks Walter if he wants to walk with her while the Google search runs. Walter says yes.
28. EXT NEW YORK NEIGHBORHOOD – MINUTES LATER
As Cheryl and Walter walk through the neighborhood, Cheryl tells Walter about her decision to come to work at Life. Walter shows Cheryl the wallet Sean gave him. He tells her that while he’s never met Sean, he’s been his “point guy” for 16 years, since he started. Cheryl gets a phone call from her son’s father, but ignores it. Walter changes the subject and asks about her son’s skateboard, saying he used to be part of the scene.
29. EXT PARK – LATER.
Walter watches Rich, Cheryl’s son, while she talks to Peg on the phone to track down Sean. While she’s talking, Walter shows Rich some skateboard tricks. Cheryl gets of the phone and tells Walter that Sean could either be in New Jersey or Greenland. The Google search is done and it turns out the boat in the picture is from Nuuk, Greenland. Cheryl tells Walter he should go to Greenland. She gets a call from Rich’s dad again. Walter goes into another fantasy during which he confides in Cheryl that he has the “Benjamin Button” disorder.
30. EXT. HOUSE PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Walter and Cheryl are both old and sit on the porch. Cheryl thanks Walter for being with her for so many years as he dies.
31. EXT PARK – CONTINUOUS
Cheryl snaps Walter out of his fantasy. She tells him that Ted calling Walter “Major Tom” as an insult isn’t right because the song is actually about courage and going into the unknown. She leaves to chase Rich while Walter thinks about that.
32. INT. TIME LIFE BUILDING OFFICE CORRIDOR – LATER
Ted catches Walter and asks for the picture. Walter stalls again, but Ted demands that he gets the picture the next time he sees Walter.
33. INT. NEGATIVE ASSESTS DEPARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Hernando tells Walter he’s searched everywhere and can’t find the photo. He wonders if Sean even sent the photo. Walter sees a picture of Sean beckoning him to come. Walter leaves.
34. MONTAGE
Walter leaves, gets to the airport, buys a ticket, and gets on a plane, and flies to Greenland, during which the Life Magazine motto is written in places all around.
35. EXT. NUUK – DAY
Walter and the only other passenger exit the airplane and part ways. Walter rents a car. He drives into town and stops at a bar.
36. INT. BAR – LATER
Walter enters and asks the bartender about being able to get a message to Sean. The bartender tells him they send mail out via helicopter. The conversation is interrupted by the man singing karaoke. After a brief argument, Walter and the pilot get into a fight, during which time Walter recognizes the pilot’s thumb from one of the pictures. They sit and the pilot tells him that he flew Sean out to the ship a few days ago and that he’s going there now to take radio parts. He invites Walter to go with him, but Walter refuses because of how much the pilot has had to drink. The pilot leaves and Walter watches him go. Another fantasy starts. Cheryl sings “Major Tom” to Walter and he decides to run out and jump on the helicopter as it is leaving.
37. EXT OCEAN – LATER
The helicopter approaches the boat. The pilot informs Walter he’ll have to jump because they can’t land on the boat. Walter misunderstands which boat he’s supposed to jump into and goes into the water. He is attacked by and fends off a shark while the rescue boat goes to retrieve him. He realizes that he wasn’t fantasizing and the attack really just happened.
38. INT. SHIP BRIDGE – LATER
Walter, the Captain, and the third mate discuss Sean’s visit. The tell Walter that Sean for Iceland four hours prior. The captain gets angry because Walter dropped the radio parts into the ocean. The third mate takes Walter below.
39. INT. SHIP BARRACKS AND GALLEY – LATER
Walter has dry clothes. The third mate gives him some clementine cake that Sean had brought. The cake is wrapped in a piece of wax paper with more clues of Sean’s whereabouts. Walter is going to Iceland.
40. EXT. ICELAND PORT – DAY
Walter debarks the ship and grabs a bicycle to ride to Sean’s location at a volcano. He gets a call from Tod from eHarmony and tells him about his new adventures. He has a quick fantasy about a murmuration of starlings forming Cheryl’s face and crashes the bike because he’s not paying attention. The bike is ruined and he sets out on foot to the next town.
41. EXT HOTEL – LATER
Walter comes up on a family hastily packing while their children and their friend watch. Walter tries to ask them about the volcano, but they don’t understand English. He trades them his Stretch Armstrong for the long skateboard one of them has so he can give to Rich as a gift. He goes inside the hotel.
42. EXT HOTEL KITCHEN ENTERANCE – MOMENTS LATER
Walter walks through the abandoned hotel through the kitchen and out back. The hotel owner is packing his vehicle. Walter asks him if he knows Sean. The owner does and tells him he drove Sean to the town to the south. Walter gets excited and leaves with the owner shouting in Icelandic.
43. EXT ICELAND HIGHWAY – MOMENTS LATER
Walter runs up to a rise to see the town. He spots the road to it and decides to skateboard down.
44. EXT ICELANDIC TOWN – MINUTES LATER
Walter comes into the town. It is deserted. A siren begins wailing and the owner from the hotel shows up. After a brief moment he is able to convey to Walter that the volcano is erupting. Walter spots Sean overhead on top of an airplane with his camera heading towards the volcano. Walter and the hotel owner flee the town and get covered in ash.
45. EXT ICELANDIC (DIFFERENT) TOWN – LATER
The hotel owner gets Walter to safety and they say goodbye. They are next to a Papa John’s, the pizza place Walter went to go work for when his father passed.
46. INT. PAPA JOHN’S – LATER
Walter is balancing his checkbook. He’s running out of money. He looks at the final picture. He’s hit a wall.
47. EXT. ICELANDIC TOWN – LATER
Walter calls Cheryl. He tells her he’s in Iceland and relates his adventures. He gives her the new clues, the words from the wrapper. As she is Googling them he relates the story of his father passing and him having to go to work to support the family. Cheryl translates some of the words, which are in Arabic, but no real solutions. He hangs up with Cheryl and gets a text from Hernando that Ted is firing him if he doesn’t get negative 25. Walter flied back to New York
48. EXT. TIME LIFE BUILDING – DAY
A flurry of activity is going on. Two floors have been shut down. Ted sees Walter and demands the photo. Walter confesses it’s lost and is trying to find it. Ted fires him. Walter stands up for himself and Ted dismisses him. Hernando approaches and tells Walter Cheryl was laid off.
49. EXT CHERYL’S APARTMENT – LATER
Walter rings the apartment. Cheryl’s ex answers the door. Walter asks for Cheryl and her ex calls for her. Walter thinks they are back together. He places the board for Rich on the stoop and leaves.
50. INT. TAXI CAB – MOMENTS LATER
Walter is taking a cab home. He has a fantasy, but brings himself out of it and gets out.
51. INT. WALTER’S APARTMENT – LATER
Walter’s mom is cooking dinner. Odessa is talking to the piano movers. She tells Walter he needs to tip them. Walter does, emptying the wallet of cash. He sees the inscription on the Wallet that Sean gave him and then takes his ID and credit cards and tosses the wallet in the trash. He sits down and studies the remaining picture. He realizes the picture is a closeup of his mother’s piano. He asks if someone took a picture of her piano recently. She tells him she took the picture with Sean’s camera. Sean had come by to ask her about Walter’s work schedule. Walter tells her that he got fired because he lost the negative and Sean was someplace with “Warlocks” (one of the words). Mom corrects him “Warlords”. Sean was going someplace with warlords to photograph snow leopards and asked for some of her cake to buy passage. Walter goes a quick google search with the words from earlier correcting “warlocks” to “warlords” and discovers Sean has gone to ungoverned Afghanistan. Mom tells him that Sean was the only one who could help him realize his work. Walter gets inspired.
52. INT. WALTER’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Walter sees his backpack. He opens it and looks at all the stuff that’s in it. He finds his travel notebook with a note from his day.
53. MONTAGE OF WALTER’S JOURNEY
Walter on a bus. Walter meeting his “strong little men”. Walter getting a “mountain blessing” (being hit in the face with a branch of laurel). Walter offering the warlords his mother’s clementine cake, which they like. Walter climbing up a mountain and the strong little men making him do calisthenics and eating leaves from the bush. Walking across the snow at 18,000 feet. A brief comical bit where the strong little men have to leave. They gift him with a flute. Walter continues alone.
54. EXT. HIMALYAS – DAY
Walter’s phone rings. It’s Tod from eHarmony. He tells Walter his profile is looking good and asks where Walter is. Walter tells him he’s in the Himalayas. He asks Tod to cancel his account because he won’t be able to afford it. Someone talks to him. It’s Sean. Walter has walked right into his perch for photographing. Walter hangs up with Tod. He tells Sean who he is. Sean is amazed and asks him to sit. He tells Walter to be still because there is a snow leopard in the opposite ridge. Walter asks about negative 25. Sean tells Walter it was in the wallet. He had put it in the picture slot. Walter tells him he threw the wallet away and chastises Sean about mishandling an important negative. Sean agrees, and says it’s a shame because it “was a beauty”. He notices a snow leopard and shows Walter through the camera. They have a moment and they go down together to play soccer with the locals.
55. INT. AIRPORT SECURITY – DAY
Walter gets x-rayed and they discover the flute. They all wrestle for the flute and Walter is taken into custody.
56. INT. TSA INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
TSA agents ask him how he got into Afghanistan and what he was doing there. They ask him if anyone in the city can vouch for his identity. Walter smiles.
57. INT. AIRPORT PUBLIC AREA – LATER
Tod from eHarmony meets Walter and treats him to a Cinnabon. They have a conversation during which Tod tells Walter that his profile had a ton of winks before he closed it down and that Cheryl never responded to a single wink. They part as friends.
58. INT. PIANO STORE – DAY
Walter, Mom, and Odessa have had to sell the piano. The store owner gives Walter a check. Mom gives him the wallet from Sean for him to put it in, saying she always keeps his knick-knacks. Walter opens the wallet and finds the negative.
59. INT. TIME LIFE MEETING ROOM – DAY
Walter walks into the meeting room. Ted is leading the meeting. He is rude to Walter. Walter gives him the negative, telling him off, finally gaining the upper hand.
60. INT. ELEVATOR – LATER
Walter and Hernando are riding the elevator. Hernando asks Walter what was on the negative. Walter confides he never looked. They have a moment.
61. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Walter is updating his resume on Indeed with all the new adventures he’s been on. He switches to his email in which are emails from everyone he has met on his adventures, including one from Rich Melhoff. Rich has sent him a video of him riding the new skateboard.
62. INT. TIME LIFE BUILDING – DAY
Walter collects his severance package. He sees Cheryl leaving and follows her out of the building.
63. EXT. TIME LIFE BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Walter catches up with Cheryl. He tells her that he was thinking of her on his adventures. She asks where he’s been and he tells her he saw her husband and thought they were back together. She tells him that he was just there to fix the refrigerator and he is her “EX” husband. Walter invites her to Odessa’s play and Cheryl accepts. They walk together talking about the play and come up on a newsstand with the last issue of Life. The cover is of Walter looking at negatives by the fountain outside. “Final Issue: Dedicated to the People Who Made It”. They walk off and remind themselves they should purchase an issue. Walter grabs her hand and Cheryl smiles.
FADE OUT
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Basic Structure™!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is the other structures I want to study. I’ve known about the multiple acts (3, 4, and 5) and the Hero’s Journey, but I’m fascinated by the concept of the 22 steps, 9 act structure, and whatever Blake Snyder’s Beat Sheet is. Although I’ll be sticking to a more traditional structure for now, I am looking forward to crafting with the others eventually.
Concept: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
9-Beats:
- Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
- Inciting Incident: Cassie sees a news report about the murder.
- Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
- First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
- Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
- Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
- Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
- Climax: Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.
- Resolution: Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Necessary Questions
What I’ve learned doing this assignment…
Questions:
- Concept: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
- Dramatic Question: How will Cassie stop Helen from taking over her body and killing.
- Main Conflict: Helen commits more and more atrocious murders using Cassie’s body, but nobody believes Cassie
- Dilemma: Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
- Theme: What is a life worth?
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Dramatic Plots 2
What I learned doing this is being able to choose the plots ahead of time is really helping me form the story. I’ve been noodling over the concept for a few days now and I’m starting to see how it can flow.
Today’s plots:
- Metamorphosis: Cassie tries to get rid of Helen, but then seeks to help her.
- Discovery: Cassie/Helen discover they were part of an experiment gone wrong.
The plot I will use: Escape
.enoyna llet t’nod…hhhS .ruof lla fo noitanibmoc a :esu yllaer lliw I tolP
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Dramatic Plots 1
What I learned doing this is that, once again, I have a more defined list of what I’ve done in the past. Only, instead of flying blind trying to figure it out, I now have a dial-a-plot which lessens the time it takes me to brainstorm on how the story will work. I’m sure you can (and people have) that having these plots is a “cookie-cutter” approach but, to be honest, that’s how stories work. Most stories will fall into recognizable plots. What makes them original is how you fit your story within the plot. It doesn’t have to be “cookie-cutter” if you craft your story well.
Plots selected:
- Escape: Cassie’s body is being held hostage further and further until she uncovers how to get Helen out of her.
- Rivalry: Helen is jealous of Cassie’s life and keeps taking over to life a real life.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Character Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is the actual specifics of the “character structure”. Much of this I’ve done instinctually or throughout grad school, but there was never anything “structured” about it. Learning these specifics helps to dial it in faster.
Concept: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
Characters:
Cassandra (Cassie): Is a young woman who has been having nightmares that she has been killing people, only to discover the nightmares are real.Helen: The unborn twin who is inhabiting Cassie’s body at night and committing murders.Dr. Seth Bellerophon: The psychiatrist who is treating Cassie.
How the story plays out:
Cassie is having nightmares about killing people and wakes up exhausted every morning. She seeks the help of Dr. Seth Bellerophon who suggests methods to help stop them. The nightmares become worse, however, and Cassie begins to suspect the reflection she sees in the mirror isn’t her own. Bellerophon assures her the treatment is working, but Cassie isn’t sure.
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My biggest take-away was less “learning” and more acceptance: the lack of feedback. I’m familiar with the process of applying the model to others’ works and subsequently seeing how it improves your own, I am just not used to it in a more “academic” setting. In grad school, feedback was a vital part of the process. We would workshop our prose during residencies for two hours a day, and subsequently rely on feedback from our mentor/advisors for our novels.
We did, of course, read a large volume of great works in order to see how those models worked as well. Much of my improvement came from this area rather than feedback, but I was used to this. I have been writing fiction since I could string letters together (my first story was written at age 4; I’m no prodigy though…it stank! XD ).
Screenwriting, however, is a whole different ballgame and my first foray into it led to something dreadful and I have been hoping to lean on the crutch of feedback since. It is clear to me now that I will have to Tiny Tim that thought and power through.
It is exciting, and a little daunting, to start from scratch without the safety and comfort of all that, but I’m ready for it!
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Hello, all. I’m Quinn. I’m impressed we have so many already accomplished screenwriters in this class!
I’ve written on feature-length play (20 years ago) which I sent to a script service that shredded it, and rightly so. I’ve written one novel which was published traditionally by a small publisher, and three novelettes which I self-published through Amazon Kindle. Oh, and one children’s story through Nook.
All of these are out of print. So, there’s that.
I’m really hoping to tighten my screenwriting game so I can eventually move to writing full-time rather than grinding away in IT. I’d be nice to come out of this course with a sellable script or two.
I don’t really have anything unique, special, unusual, or strange about me, but here’s some highlights for the sake of confession:
* I am a Kung Fu instructor who currently weighs 325lbs. My nickname is “Master Po” (allusion to Kung Fu Panda.
* I’ve been married 3 times, divorced twice, and have 5 kids.
* I earned my BA in English and Creative Writing 20 years after starting college. I earned my MFA in Creative Writing in two.
* I got hit by a boat on land once.
* In my mid-thirties I was party to a series of Tom Jones-esque (the foundling, not the lounge singer) escapades which sound better on paper than they were in reality.
* I am accidentally responsible for the rumor that the bible camp in Latham Springs, TX is haunted. Spoiler alert: I’m the ghost.
* Until I was 11 the family business was meat processing. I spent half my childhood in a slaughterhouse.
There’s likely more, but it’s all the same kind of uninteresting waffle. One of these days I’ll step out of my comfort zone a bit.
Looking forward to seeing everyone’s work!
And please, when you see my stuff…shred the heck out of it! I need to know how to improve.
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I agree to the terms of this release form. <div>
</div><div>GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Quincy Cooke.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Hmm…that should work. Worked for me at any rate.
What browser and version of MS Word are you using?
(Send the response in a onsite message so we can keep the forums clear.)
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Ok. So, the trouble is that you cannot copy and paste from MS Word to the forums? Would you type out the process you are attempting so I can troubleshoot? Thanks!
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Hi, David. In what format do you write?
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Thanks!
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Hi, Julia.
I’d like to provide some feedback, but I’d like to know a) if there’s anything you’d like me to focus on and b) how in-depth and analytical you’d like.
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Sure thing, Elizabeth.
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Thanks, Julia.
The males are a little flat, but I imagine they will flesh out during the module.
I’ll return the favor soonest.
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Please feel free.
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Are people allowed to laugh in horror films?
Look up and watch films by Sam Raimi: Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Drag Me To Hell…so many more. If he didn’t invent horror-comedy he certainly made it mainstream.
Also the Scream franchise. Slasher Comedy.