Rachel Barrett
Forum Replies Created
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Rachel’s NOT finished Act 1
This is not a finished Act 1, or a finished anything, it’s just more pieces. Still muddling slowly forward.
What I learned:
Still making new discoveries about the characters as they interact, or even what it says about them when they avoid interacting and spend the scene alone.
INT. SARAH’S ROOM
The door bangs open and Sarah stomps in. She looks back angrily, then SLAMS the door shut behind her.
For a minute she stomps about the room in high temper. Gives the bedpost a good kick. Then grabs her toe and hops in pain.
She sighs and stops fuming. But as she cools off, she starts thinking. Which leads to a dangerous look in her eyes.
She sits quickly at her desk.
Soon there comes busy scratching of a pen on paper. She writes fast and hard, jabbing the pen like the paper caused all her problems.
Then she blows on the paper, folds it, and slaps it down – smack in the middle of her desk where it can’t be missed.
She stands up and surveys the room. Deliberately reaches out and tips her chair over sideways. Rumples the bed quilt, then sweeps knickknacks off the windowsill all over the floor.
EXT. HOUSE
Sarah’s window creaks upward.
Sarah glances out to make sure the yard is empty. Then she quietly maneuvers through the gap, and drops softly to the dead-baked earth between the rosebushes.
INT. BARN
With careful stealth, Sarah pulls a saddle off its rack.
Footsteps crunch past the doorway, and she ducks into shadow.
They fade, and she dares to breathe again.
EXT. CORRALS
Keeping low behind the high gate, Sarah saddles a horse.
She hears a faint creak by the house, and looks to see the house door opening. She freezes.
Jean steps onto the porch and starts shaking out a rug.
Out in the pasture, grazing horses mill about. One whinnies. Sarah’s horse looks that way and nickers. Sarah cringes and grabs its nose.
SARAH
Shhhh!
Jean glances that way, but her gaze passes the corral without stopping.
She goes back to her work, then returns into the house.
Sarah yanks the saddle cinch tight, then seizes her chance. She leads the horse out the corral gate and sneaks toward the pasture beyond.
EXT. PASTURE
Sarah keeps walking, leading the horse, willing it to stay quiet.
They cross the open space, fully in sight of the house, one step after another, with ant-like slowness.
Finally they drop down into the brush along the creek. Sarah sighs in relief, then scrambles atop the horse. They take off galloping along the creekbed and soon disappear around the bend.
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Rachel’s turning point 1 scenes
What I learned:
It’s ok if I just keep moving forward. Not perfect, not chronological, full of plot holes, and I’m coming to new discoveries about the core of the story. But that is because I am working on letting the characters interact. Like others have said, this may be stuff that doesn’t even end up in the finished version. It’s ok. A step forward. Another step forward. Slow as I am, on we go…
INT. SARAH’S ROOM
Sarah sits at her desk with a pen and paper, writing busily.
Wade’s copy of Stockman’s Magazine lies open before her, turned to a page with a large advertisement for the Drummond Land and Cattle Company…
EXT. BARNYARD
Sarah rushes out of the house and over to the barn, a letter in her fist.
She looks all around, hurries into the barn, then comes back out.
Vic leads a horse past.
VIC
What you need?
SARAH
Where’s Uncle Dave?
VIC
He left for Salt Fork.
SARAH
Salt Fork? Why??
VIC
Fixing fences.
SARAH
When’s he coming back?
VIC
Week or two, maybe.
Sarah looks disappointed.
VIC
Why?
SARAH
I thought he was going into… Never mind.
She turns away.
VIC
You need to mail that, I’m going to town anyway.
She’s looking at Sarah’s letter. Holds out her hand.
Sarah hesitates. Then with a narrow-eyed look, she approaches and gives it to Vic. Watches keenly until Vic slips it in a vest pocket without glancing at the address.
Vic mounts up, then looks back at Sarah.
VIC
Need anything while I’m there?
SARAH (sharply)
Don’t lose my letter.
Vic looks away, hurt in her eyes, then just rides out of the yard without a reply.
Sarah watches her go. She turns her palms up and considers her fingers, with an ink stain or two.
She frowns and bites her lip. Her face turns from sly triumph to worry, like she’s watching a storm build way out there on the desert.
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Rachel’s inciting incident
What I learned:
The importance of letting myself write OUT of chronological order when I need to. This is not the inciting incident – not a very long scene – no quality – but I’m exploring the characters within these scenes and seeing what they tell me and where they want to go. Haven’t gotten very far, nor as far as I wanted, but I made another step forward.
INT. HOUSE
Vic walks in carrying Sarah’s other suitcase.
She stops and sets it in front of a shut bedroom door.
All is silent from within. Vic lifts her hand to knock…then halts as she sees the wedding ring on her third finger.
She shuts her eyes briefly in sorrow. Then pulls her hand back and quietly goes on down the hall.
INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM
Sarah, lying on her bed, sits up as light footsteps pause outside her door. She listens to the silence, as if she might get up and cross over to the door.
The steps fade down the hall.
Sarah sits back onto her bed. Her shoulders droop.
Presently she goes to her suitcase and begins unpacking. Clothes, books, a hairbrush.
From the pocket of a dress, she pulls out something small and silver – a locket. She stares at it, opened in her palm.
A faded old picture: a kind-eyed man, and a woman whose intense gaze burns into Sarah’s. The woman holds an infant girl.
Sarah puts the locket on and carefully tucks it into her dress collar.
Through her window, she can hear as the front door opens and shuts. She glances out.
Vic walks across the yard toward the corrals, wearing dusty work clothes, black dress nowhere to be seen.
Sarah scowls at the sight, then turns back into her room.
To be continued
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What I learned:
That I would sooner swim piranha-infested waters dressed as a meatloaf, than post this for all to see when it still feels so unready and inconsistent.
But, the accountability to post and keep up with the assignments is part of the empowerment, for me. I’ll get there, one day… Big picture, then quality, big picture, then quality…
Rachel’s Act 1 Opening Scenes
FADE IN:
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
CLOSE ON:
A horse’s flank, branded with 4 L’s back to back. Together the 4 L’s form a kind of cross.
The horse stands tied to a fence with others.
Beyond them:
Real crosses. Lots of them. A cemetery, mountains in the distance.
FOLKS gathered about one cross that looks awfully fresh. Carved in the cross-arm:
Clayton Leidy
1855-1900
Beloved husband and father.
A grizzled PREACHER intones from a Bible.
PREACHER
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…
Near the head of the grave:
VICTORIA LEIDY (33), wearing black. She listens to the preacher and holds herself ramrod straight. She isn’t crying, not in front of people. But there are cracks in her surface.
Vic has her arm around SARAH LEIDY (16), who is openly crying. Wears her heart on her sleeve. Also dressed in black but her clothes are finer, tailored. She’s too old to be Vic’s daughter.
The preacher keeps reading. (Insert words)
Gathered are family, faces we don’t know yet but will:
JOHN LEIDY (50), straitlaced oldest of the Leidy brothers, with his wife RENA (50), both weathered by grief. Rena quietly grips Vic’s other arm.
WADE LEIDY (38) and his pregnant wife JEAN (34).
DAVE LEIDY (29), footloose prankster. No wife here.
And ELEANOR LEIDY (68), the matriarch and glue who holds this family together. Her husband’s grave is just the other side of Clayton’s. Arm around Dave, she is bowed with sorrow.
The funeral ends, and they all sadly disperse. Vic and Sarah stand alone.
As soon as the eyes are off them, Sarah pulls from under Vic’s arm.
Vic reaches out.
VIC
Sarah-
But Sarah gives Vic a hostile glare, turns her back and stalks away.
Vic braces herself and follows.
Beyond where the tied horses were, a team and wagon. Sarah climbs up to the high seat.
Vic unties the team. Finds an excuse to stay there, straightening the reins, so she doesn’t have to join Sarah.
Beside them, having lingered, John unties his horse.
JOHN
(quietly)
Want me to drive you?
Vic shakes her head. She climbs up in the wagon and snaps the reins without looking at Sarah.
EXT. WAGON ROAD
Dry countryside surrounds them. Vic lets the team poke along. She and Sarah don’t talk.
The silence grows deafening.
VIC
Sure is dry this summer.
No reply.
VIC
(finally)
Listen, while you were at school-
SARAH
I can’t wait to see my rose bushes.
Vic looks away, guilty.
VIC
Like I said, things are… different.
SARAH
Different, how?
VIC
It won’t look the same. Like you remember. We…
(deep breath)
We had to sell most of the horses. Now, not all of ‘em, but-
SARAH
Why?
VIC
You see any grass out there?
Sharp words hang in the quiet. Vic tries again.
VIC
Things’ll be tough, but we’ll make it.
SARAH
I should have known.
They drive on in stony silence.
EXT. RANCH
The home ranch: weathered old barn, dusty corrals, and a big rambling house.
Vic and Sarah drive into the yard. Sarah’s eyes fix on the house, and swiftly turn hostile.
At the shaded porch, a line of rosebushes…long dead.
Without a word Vic jumps down to unharness. A ranch hand comes out of the barn and helps.
Sarah is dragging a hefty suitcase from the wagon bed. Vic grabs another and they walk to the house, a gulf between them.
Vic stops short.
In the shadows of the porch, there’s a MAN. He’s 45, a city dude if there ever was one, neat suit without so much as a wrinkle.
He sits in a porch swing, petting a collie dog with her head in his lap, and looking far too at home.
VIC
Can I help you?
The man stands and meets them in the yard as the dog runs down to greet Sarah.
Vic faces the man as he sticks his hand out.
MAN
Good morning, Mrs. Leidy. Might I introduce myself. I represent the Drummond Land and Cattle company out of Salt River. I wondered if I might…
He retracts his hand when Vic just stares him down.
MAN
That is, well, I represent investors who would be most interested to discuss an arrangement to the mutual gratification of both parties-
VIC
No thank you.
MAN
(following)
Mrs. Leidy, they are prepared to make a more than generous offer, considering your tragic loss-
Vic wheels on him as Sarah watches.
VIC
My husband isn’t even cold in the ground. Tell your buzzards they can find some other bones to fight over. We aren’t selling.
MAN
“We”?
VIC
My daughter and I are staying here.
His eyes range from her over to Sarah, whose lip curls at the word ‘daughter’, and back again.
Out in the yard, John and Dave ride up. Wade and the rest of the women follow in a buggy.
VIC
If you don’t mind…
The man doffs his hat politely to them.
MAN
Good day, ma’am. Miss.
Vic stands next to Sarah, watching as the man strolls out of the yard.
SARAH
You might have at least heard him out.
VIC
Here we go again.
SARAH
Oh, it’s my fault you can’t so much as be polite?
VIC
You haven’t been home two hours. What do you want me to do, sell this place out from under you? From us?
Sarah breaks away, picks up her suitcase, and goes up the steps into the house. The door slams.
Vic sighs in despair. The collie dog comes up to her and she pets it.
VIC
<div style=”text-align: center;”>Some guard dog.</div>
To be continued…
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Rachel’s beat sheet draft 2
What I learned:
Not sure. This draft is not as different from the last draft as I thought it would be. As in, I didn’t add as much new info re theme/antagonist as I expected or wanted. Makes me fear that I haven’t worked hard enough on it, although I know I did.
So much of what the antagonist does is behind the scenes, unseen, which has made it a challenge to write it in.
I am glad this does not have to be perfect, because things are STILL changing. The antagonist journey and events are changing, to be specific… I can see better now what needs to happen between antagonist and protagonist.
Act 1
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Opening: Funeral for Vic’s husband
EXT. HOME – DAY
Inciting Incident: A stranger shows up with an offer to buy their ranch; Vic refuses
Theme should show how Vic, stuck in old ways, feels compelled to keep the ranch running exactly the way her husband would have done it, nobody touch or change anything, as a projection of being a parent to Sarah
(Probably the worst explanation of theme that was ever written…)
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Family meal – Sarah ‘innocently’ asks questions about her real mother, long estranged
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic and Sarah start training a particular horse but Vic is being a helicopter parent/teacher
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Sarah writes a letter, then asks someone to mail it for her when they go to town
Placeholder – we see how important it is to Vic to run the ranch because of the memory of her husband, she’s also trying to do it FOR Sarah; Vic and Sarah butt heads over anything and everything
INT/EXT HOME – DAY
Sarah receives an answer to her letter, this surprises her very much; she sneaks off to meet someone, and we see that it’s her mother (who wants control of the ranch; has promised Sarah they can be a family again)
Turning Point – Placeholder – Vic is still stuck in Old Ways when it comes to the turning point
Act 2
EXT. HORSE PASTURE – DAY
Vic, out working in the pastures, discovers a fence cut down and horses running loose; Sarah helps her fix the fence
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic and Sarah work with the horse but don’t get along
INT/EXT HOME – NIGHT
They wake up to their barn on fire, must rush around and put it out
Placeholder – Sarah sneaks out of the house to meet her mother
Vic stumbles across a letter of Sarah’s, finds out she has contacted her mother (but doesn’t find out all of the plans)
Placeholder – Vic stubbornly refuses help/advice/moral support from her in-laws
Act 3
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic works with a horse, then one of their people returns from the pastures injured having been shot
Placeholder – they are unsuccessful in tracking down the saboteur; Vic is on edge
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Sarah goes out and tries to ride a horse she can’t control, gets thrown, Vic freaks out
INT/EXT HOME – DAY
Vic and Sarah have a major argument, say lots of hurtful things, Vic finds out that Sarah never truly loved the ranch and felt neglected by her father, Sarah runs off angry
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Vic finds Sarah gone and a ransom note in her place
Act 4
EXT. MOUNTAINS – DAY
Vic locates Sarah, finds out she and her mother staged the kidnapping and ransom to bait Vic out there (and that Catherine was behind everything from the start, the pressure to sell out and the sabotage)
EXT. HOME – DAY
Family members go out to find them
EXT. MOUNTAINS – DAY
Vic helps Sarah escape
Catherine causes a stampede to try to kill Vic
The uncles show up and have a melee with Catherine’s hired goons
Placeholder – still haven’t found out what happens to the villain at the end
EXT. HOME – DAY
Sarah is home safe, she thinks Vic is dead because of her
But Vic is brought home injured but alive
EXT. OTHER LOCATION – DAY – some time later
Vic and Sarah leave the ranch in their family’s capable hands, to build a new life together
Theme showing that she is able to see Sarah as her own person now, and can relate to her on better terms, not just as an extension of her father.
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Rachel’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned:
That the story can and will still evolve even now, and it’s a good thing.
And that apparently my characters are throwing a tantrum and don’t want the ending I’ve planned for them. They want an ending that is wildly new and unexpected and WAY TOO DAMN CLOSE TO THE BONE FOR ME -.-
Which, as it happens, also ends up changing the focus of previous work – story bones, structure, beats, and transformational events, what the characters truly want, and what goals they’re chasing. Some of those are 100% opposite from what I had planned.
So I’m a little discouraged at having to backtrack. Since if I go back and read my submitted assignments one by one, they will not be consistent at all because of the changes.
But I would not have discovered it without blazing these trails, so I guess it’s okay in the end.
Act 1
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Opening: Funeral for Vic’s husband
EXT. HOME – DAY
Inciting Incident: A stranger shows up with an offer to buy their ranch; Vic refuses
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Family meal – Sarah ‘innocently’ asks questions about her real mother, long estranged
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic and Sarah start training a particular horse but Vic is being a helicopter parent/teacher
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Sarah writes a letter, then asks someone to mail it for her when they go to town
Placeholder – we see how important it is to Vic to run the ranch because of the memory of her husband, she’s also trying to do it FOR Sarah; Vic and Sarah butt heads over anything and everything
INT/EXT HOME – DAY
Sarah receives an answer to her letter, this surprises her very much; she sneaks off to meet someone, and we see that it’s her mother
Turning Point – Placeholder – Vic is still stuck in Old Ways when it comes to the turning point
Act 2
EXT. HORSE PASTURE – DAY
Vic, out working in the pastures, discovers a fence cut down and horses running loose; Sarah helps her fix the fence
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic and Sarah work with the horse but don’t get along
INT/EXT HOME – NIGHT
They wake up to their barn on fire, must rush around and put it out
Placeholder – Sarah sneaks out of the house to meet her mother
Vic stumbles across a letter of Sarah’s, finds out she has contacted her mother (but doesn’t find out all of the plans)
Placeholder – Vic stubbornly refuses help/advice/moral support from her in-laws
Act 3
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Vic works with a horse, then one of their people returns from the pastures injured having been shot
Placeholder – they are unsuccessful in tracking down the saboteur; Vic is on edge
EXT. CORRAL – DAY
Sarah goes out and tries to ride a horse she can’t control, gets thrown, Vic freaks out
INT/EXT HOME – DAY
Vic and Sarah have a major argument, say lots of hurtful things, Vic finds out that Sarah never truly loved the ranch and felt neglected by her father, Sarah runs off angry
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Vic finds Sarah gone and a ransom note in her place
Act 4
EXT. MOUNTAINS – DAY
Vic locates Sarah, finds out she and her mother staged the kidnapping to bait Vic out there (and that Catherine was behind everything from the start, the pressure to sell out and the sabotage)
EXT. HOME – DAY
Family members go out to find them
EXT. MOUNTAINS – DAY
Vic helps Sarah escape
Catherine causes a stampede to try to kill Vic
The uncles show up and have a melee with Catherine’s hired goons
Placeholder – still haven’t found out what happens to the villain at the end
EXT. HOME – DAY
Sarah is home safe, she thinks Vic is dead because of her
But Vic is brought home injured but alive
EXT. OTHER LOCATION – DAY – some time later
Vic and Sarah leave the ranch in their family’s capable hands, to build a new life together
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Rachel’s Transformational Events
What I learned:
It does become much less overwhelming when broken down into components and puzzle pieces that you can fit together. Plus with this kind of puzzle, there isn’t just ONE way the pieces all fit together. There can be many different ways as the story takes shape.
I don’t think I have this assignment completely figured out yet, and maybe did it wrong…still messy and clunky.
But progress is happening and things are becoming more concrete!
Old Ways:
– Vic is hobbled by grief, self-pity, and the past
– Uncomfortable trying to be a parent
– Fearful of risk and overly concerned for Sarah’s safety
– projecting her insecurities onto those around her
– feeling adrift, like she doesnt belong
– stuck in the past, unable to move forward
New Ways:
– grounded, adaptable, able to think forward and make changes in how she does things and relates to people
– feeling that she is “home”; sense of belonging
– understands what’s truly important in life
– can step confidently into the role of parent
– secure in her sense of self, able to meet others on their own ground
Changes and steps from old ways to new ways:
I do not yet know the order of easiest to most difficult.
1. Understand that it’s okay to grieve but to also keep living in the present
2. See Sarah as her own person, not just an extension of her father
3. Channel her protectiveness over Sarah into the ways she does need it (against her crazy mother)
4. See that she and Sarah are not each other’s antagonists after all
5. Be willing to sacrifice her safety to protect Sarah
6. Accept that their life and future will be different than before their loss, and that they can still find good things in it together.
7. Be willing to fight to keep something (her family)
Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
– Vic finds that someone has cut down fences in their pasture and set a bunch of horses loose
– their barn is set on fire
– when Vic still refuses to sell the ranch, she gets shot at while out working in the hills by herself
– Sarah figures out how to push Vic’s buttons and make her feel like an outsider
– Vic and Sarah have a major falling out/argument, saying things they regret, the equivalent of ‘I wouldn’t care if you were dead’
– Vic finds the ransom note and realizes she really does care about Sarah’s safety/welfare and that this is important enough to her to really make a big change
– Vic finds out that Sarah has been aiding her mother in the sabotage attempts, and was the one to leave the ransom note (she was duped into helping her mother, but still…)
– Vic has a chance to escape from Catherine, but returns to make sure Sarah has escaped – the final, most difficult, and most significant step in her parenthood journey
– later on, as they begin their “life after”, Vic lets Sarah help her work with the horses.
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Rachel’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is:
– that I might have even been wrong about who my leads/protagonist/antagonist are. Still working on that one.
– importance of not judging where the project is at (imperfect, clumsy, evolving). The structure already looks SO different from when I started, in a good way. I think some of the beats in the draft are probably not in the right order yet in the act structure (but that’s also okay for the first iteration).
– that having lots and lots of iterations of the main concept is okay and a good thing, because it helps to see the main concept in many different angles.
– also that sometimes I have the right ideas in pictures in my head, but the words that I collect into groups on a page don’t quite express those pictures perfectly just yet.
Concept:
A grieving widow must protect her troubled stepdaughter from the girl’s vengeful mother.
Main Conflict:
– Vic and Sarah can’t see eye to eye, Vic struggles to be a parent (and keep the ranch afloat) while Sarah feels Vic is an interloper. They must both come to realize they do mean the world to each other.
Old Ways:
– Vic is hobbled by grief and the past
– Uncomfortable trying to be a parent
– Fearful of risk and overly concerned for Sarah’s safety
New Ways:
– grounded, adaptable, able to think forward and make changes in how she does things and relates to people
– feeling that she is “home”; understands what’s truly important in life
– can step confidently into the role of parent
Act 1:
Opening:
– Vic struggles to get through her husband’s funeral without breaking down. She struggles to connect with Sarah who is resentful of her presence.
Inciting incident:
– Vic refuses to let Sarah help work with the horses for fear of accident, which drives a wedge between them.
Turning point:
– Sarah secretly tracks down her real mother.
– Vic receives a shady offer to sell their ranch, which she refuses.
Act 2:
New plan:
– when Vic refuses to sell out, someone mysterious starts sabotaging ranch operations.
– under this stress, Vic and Sarah’s already fragile relationship begins crumbling. Vic is ready to give up on things ever being positive between them, and Sarah is keeping a lot of secrets these days.
Plan in action:
– Sarah attempts to ride a horse she can’t control, and narrowly escapes being hurt. Vic freaks out and they have a major falling out over it.
Midpoint turning point:
– Afterward, Vic finds Sarah gone, and a ransom note left in her room.
Act 3:
Rethink everything:
– Vic goes to rescue Sarah only to find out Catherine (Sarah’s mother) staged the kidnapping to get Vic out there.
New plan:
– The betrayal grows – they find out that Catherine was not only behind the mysterious sabotage, but is willing to betray Sarah into harm’s way, to gain control of the ranch.
Turning point: Huge failure / Major shift:
– Vic gives Sarah the chance to escape, instead of taking it herself.
Act 4:
Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict:
– Catherine causes a horse stampede, attempting to get Vic trampled.
Resolution:
– Sarah thinks that she was responsible for Vic’s death, but it turns out that Vic survived. Almost losing each other made them both realize what is truly important to them, and they are able to start rebuilding their relationship.
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Rachel’s character interviews
What I learned:
That it’s a positive thing to go through the (current) stage of feeling like the story and characters are wildly inconsistent and all over the map, because you must explore the map to begin to draw trails on it. Drawing trails might mean hacking your way through the underbrush and feeling like you’re going in circles, or going off in random directions. But eventually, you’ll step back and look at the map, and start to see trails winding ahead with a purpose!
Vic, protagonist:
1. Tell me about yourself.
– Well, there isn’t much to tell, I guess. Never did know my parents. Raised in an orphans’ home. I always did mean to work with horses. Went out here to Colorado when I turned twenty-one, found all the horses I could wish for, and never did look back.
2. Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
– I wish I knew. I feel so unfit for this role of being a parent. God must have a darn sight more sense of humor than I ever gave him credit for.
3. You are up against . What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
– She was my husband’s first wife!! Even if she didn’t have it in for me, GOD THIS IS SO AWKWARD Y’ALL.
4. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
– Learning to see Sarah (stepdaughter) as her own person, rather than an extension of her father and/or all I have left of him.
5. What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
– Thinking that I have to keep things the same, because “that’s how he would have done it”. I have to learn to move forward and adapt to new ways.
6. What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
– Inability to meet Sarah on her own terms rather than always through her father. Refusing to let her do things because of fear that she will encounter an accident and get hurt or killed. Fear of trying harder to really BE a parent because I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong.
7. What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
– Sheer cussed stubborness. You’ve got to have that, working with horses and mules and cattle all day long. I’ve never had a family, never had something like this that’s worth getting up every day for, worth fighting for. My family may be broken, hurt, and rough around the edges, but it’s MY family. Like hell if I will stand by and let someone tear that down.
8. What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
– That I might be pregnant. My husband is hardly cold in his grave. I never even got to tell him. The thought of raising our child…children…alone, makes me sick. Worse is how Sarah’s going to react. She never had much use for me in the first place, and if she finds out about this…
9. What do you think of ?
– Sarah’s mother? She’s cold as ice, harsh, and doggedly determined. The type who’ll never give up so long as there’s breath in her body. Give her credit for that, anyway. She’s smart, smarter than me. I never was any good at playing chess with people’s minds…or their hearts.
10. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
– If Sarah could just stop being so angry for ONE MINUTE, and listen, and understand that all I’ve done is for her, to keep her safe… And now I have to keep her safe from her own mother who will only use her and leave her in harm’s way, which she doesn’t understand. Or maybe she doesn’t want to understand. But maybe I haven’t been so good at listening either.
11. What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
– Everything my husband did, he did for us, his family. I have to succeed. Have to know that he didn’t die for nothing.
12. Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.
– Still working on this.
Catherine, antagonist:
1. Tell me about yourself.
– Nice to know you’re interested. Raised on ranches, know my way around a horse and a gun, married for five years, now got a ranch of my own. Or I will soon, once I take care of a few things back in my old hometown.
2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
– I’m blunt, cold and hard, will give it to you straight, and have no room for weakness. I can think on my feet in any situation and can outmaneuver you three steps ahead before you know what happened. People are open books that way.
3. Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?
– It galls me knowing that he chose her instead of me. That he didn’t try harder to get me to stay. That she seems to have a knack for raising my own daughter, even though she doesn’t seem to know it. That her influence has made my daughter too much like her father – too sensitive. This is a harsh wilderness – any weakness and it will eat you alive. I never could make him fail…but I can still get to her.
4. What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
– Custody of my daughter. We’ve been apart for a long time now, but that’s about to change. I won’t be a “mother” who coddles and spoils her. Instead I’ll show her how to be strong and make the place you want in the world, instead of the world making you what it wants.
5. What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
– I just don’t know what ‘quit’ means. You start something, you better take a bulldog grip and set your feet until you see it through, hell or high water.
6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?
– My daughter thinks her father was the one to divorce me and send me packing. She will never, ever, EVER find out that I was the one to leave him…and her too, so many years ago.
7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
– My daughter needs someone strong, someone whose judgment won’t get clouded by emotions.
8. What do you think of ?
– Bitch. Who does Vic think she is anyway. Thinks she knows my daughter better than I do. Pansy ass little city girl, wasn’t even raised on a ranch. Have to hand it to her, though…she turned out to be a better rider than I am.
9. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
– When I left, my husband kept our daughter away from me ever since. She stands to inherit the property he left behind, but she’s too young to be saddled with that kind of responsibility when she’s not even of age. She needs someone to take over for her and handle the money side of things, and by “someone” I don’t mean some old crotchety uncle either. It’s time for Vic to step aside, quit standing in the way of reuniting a family.
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Rachel’s character profiles part 2
1. What I learned:
How important understanding the antagonist is in understanding the protagonist! Also more about how much depth there is in the way the protagonist and antagonist mirror each other even if it wasn’t intentional and didn’t start out that way.
2. Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters:
Vic, protagonist:
What draws us to this character?
– how hard she tries even though she feels out of her element; how she keeps trying again even after she fails over and over.
Traits:
– protective, cautious
– tries to be the strong supportive one (like Luisa in Encanto)
Subtext:
– pretends to have everything under control even if she doesn’t
– verbally directs or takes charge of a conversation to maintain this impression
– tries to redirect others away from a behavior she considers risky (i.e. riding a wild horse and risking getting bucked off)
Flaw:
– fear of the worst happening; also her compulsion to keep her loved ones safe at any and all costs
Values:
– loyalty, honesty, selflessness, safety, home/family
Irony:
– She has never had a family, children, or a place to belong until she married her late husband. Now she has been thrown into being the only parent left and she has no idea how to do it.
What makes this the right character for this role?
– Similar to irony, she’s never had these things. They were all she wanted, but she doesn’t feel that she deserves them. She must learn to heed the call, so to speak, and step into facing them.
Catherine, antagonist:
What draws us to this character?
– similar to the study example of Hannibal, she’s a twisted, deadly mother figure in the worst of ways. She probably has an element of Change Agent as well, causing those around her to really understand the changes they must make in themselves to combat her.
Traits
– shrewd, manipulative, decisive, cold-blooded (possibly narcissist?)
Subtext
– subtly makes people think her idea was their idea so she can use them
Flaw:
– overconfident
Values:
– strength, determination, winning
Irony:
– she had everything…a life, home, family…but she was not cut out to be a mother or a nurturer.
What makes this the right character for this role?
– still working on this
3. Make any improvements you think of to your Part 1 profile and bring the two parts together.
– still working
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Rachel’s Character Profiles Part 1
1. What I learned:
It’s ok if it’s not perfect
It’s ok if it’s not perfect
It’s ok if it’s not perfect
(Still learning that…)
2. Protagonist’s type of role:
Vic is a Runner – she avoids risk by being a helicopter parent to her stepdaughter. Life on a ranch is dangerous enough already, and she fears a similar accident happening to her stepdaughter as the one that killed her husband. She flees having to face and heal from the pain of what happened in the past (losing her husband), while also fleeing the reality of the present by staying lodged in the past. (Confused yet? Me too.)
3. Antagonist’s type of role:
Catherine is the estranged biological mother of Vic’s stepdaughter. She abandoned her family years ago but has now come back to town. Right now, I think she is more in the Villain category – a physical expression of Vic’s fears, since she literally embodies the past.
4. Other characters:
– Sarah (16), Vic’s stepdaughter, angry and troubled, secretly fearing that Vic will abandon her just like her real mother did. Victim/dreamer, driven by her fears to act out. Her journey goes from fearing abandonment, to learning to trust.
– Extended family members (grandmother/aunt/uncle), as this is a multigenerational family ranch.
– Minor/background characters: ranch employees.
5. Genre:
Western Drama
6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles:
a. Vic
Role in the story:
– Runner, but she discovers her inner protective Hero/Fighter. Insecure stepparent trying to rebuild a broken family after their serious loss.
Age range and Description:
– Female, early to mid 30s, physically fit and tough, accomplished cowgirl.
Internal Journey:
– From feeling adrift & as though she doesn’t belong, to feeling at home & accepted in her family, feeling that she has something worth fighting for.
External Journey:
– From an insecure helicopter parent to a grounded, confident person who can adapt to change and doesn’t have to hide from life.
Motivation:
– Wanting a stable family
Wound:
– I think this involves the loss of Vic’s husband, and her deep-seated feeling of being abandoned (even though obviously that wasn’t anyone’s fault since he died), possibly stemming from abandonment as a child.
Mission/Agenda:
– to protect and patch together what remains of her family.
Secret:
– I don’t think I know this yet
What makes them special?
– Her loyalty. She will never, ever betray those she loves or has chosen to protect, and will do anything to keep them from getting hurt, even if she must put herself in harm’s way to do it.
b. Catherine
Role in the story:
– Villain. Element of predator as well. Vindictive ex-wife who has come to see her daughter as “just like her father” in all the ways she hated.
Age range and Description:
– female, 41, physically imposing, shrewd, intelligent, and calculating
Internal Journey:
– not a lot of change, unless you count going to successively worse lengths to get what she wants.
External Journey:
– from a charade of trying to rebuild her relationship with her daughter, to revealing her willingness to put her own daughter in harm’s way to achieve goals.
Motivation:
– it’s too late to hurt her ex husband, since he is dead, so she’ll hurt those he loved.
Wound:
– being kept away from her daughter for many years.
Mission/Agenda:
– to tear down what her husband built/stood for (but like why though? Seems like a lot of villainy villainousness just for the heck of it. We’ll see. Still getting her figured out…)
Secret:
– I do not know this yet
What makes them special?
– her ability to read people and use that to get them to do what she wants.
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Rachel’s transformational journey
I learned that it is okay to allow myself to feel empowered about writing, to not be afraid of writing something imperfect (see: this assignment), but to write the imperfect and let it breathe and evolve. And hoo boy, is it going to be imperfect at the beginning…
HERO:
VICTORIA (33) is a grieving widow struggling to parent her troubled stepdaughter while running their family ranch in 1900s Colorado.
INTERNAL JOURNEY:
From feeling that she doesn’t belong, to grounded and “home”.
EXTERNAL JOURNEY:
From stuck in her ways and hobbled by the past, to resilient and able to face the present with confidence.
OLD WAYS:
– projecting insecurities onto those around her
– blinded by self-pity and grief
– feeling adrift, like she doesn’t belong
– stuck in the past, unable to move forward and live in the present
NEW WAYS:
– secure in her sense of self, able to meet others on their own ground
– confident, forward-thinking
– grounded, adaptable
– feeling that she is “home” and finding a sense of belonging in her blended family
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Rachel Barrett
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hello! So glad to be here!
My name is Rachel Barrett. I’ve written about 7 scripts of varying length. When it comes to writing, though, I struggle with confidence & the ability to just…you know…WRITE the darn thing.
I’m excited to experience this class and work toward learning ways to write more efficiently, beat writer’s block (aka Fear Of Doing It Wrong, hence how long it took me to stop agonizing over this post), and complete drafts more quickly.
Something fun about me: I live on a farm and raise teeny tiny miniature goats. 🙂
Thanks for the chance to be here! I look forward to meeting you all!
Rachel
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Oh MAN was I in the same place today! (Wanting to run away, judging…) I too am learning to let things flow and see how it turns out.
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I SO hear you on the procrastination challenges! Argh.
Kitties are the best! Mine identifies as a Tyrannosaurus Manx 🙂