Rachel Morgan
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Rachel’s villain has a great plan.
What I learned from this assignment was to build a strong foundation for the villain and make him as devious and dangerous as possible.
1. What is the end goal?
· Dangerous villain Col. Alexie Krasnoff wants the Soviet Union to conquer Europe. To do this, he wants to spark a war between the Soviet Union and NATO. This is a war he believes the USSR can win because of its superior troop numbers and tank battalions facing Europe. But it can only win if the war starts before America has time to expand its nuclear capacity, its bomber fleet, an ICBM delivery system and a nuclear sub fleet. Krasnoff is a devotee of Stalin, who died in 1953. Krasnoff is disillusioned by the new Soviet leadership, which he feels is weak. A war would be the golden opportunity for a new strong leadership to take over and establish Soviet dominance in Europe.
2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
· Krasnoff intends to detonate a nuclear bomb in New York City. This would destroy America’s largest economic centre, its key banking centre and one of its largest ports. He will let it be known that the bomb was planted by the Soviet Union, forcing America to retaliate. At the same time, he will alert like-minded allies in the Soviet forces, who will have the advantage of being ready to attack when the Americans strike. This group will stage a coup in Moscow.
3. How can they cover it up?
· A series of “accidents” at Soviet military bases will cover the theft of bomb parts.
· The bomb parts will be assembled and hidden within an electric generator that will take a circuitous route to New York.
· The FBI will be given a false trail through rumors that a nuclear suitcase bomb is being shipped to New York from South America.
· The detonation site will be a construction project within a well-known New York building.
· A second bomb of conventional explosives will also be planted as a diversion at a different well-known New York building.
· FBI officers will be lured to the site of the conventional bomb and it will be detonated to kill them, thus ensuring the team planting the atomic bomb has a clear field.
4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
· Krasnoff plans to build a suitcase bomb from parts stolen from Soviet military bases.
· A series of accidents at the Soviet bases will make it look like the bomb parts were lost rather than stolen.
· The thefts will be carried out by officers loyal to Krasnoff.
· The bomb parts will be smuggled through different channels into Cairo, where they will be assembled and hidden within an electric generator.
· The bomb will be secretly transported to Marseilles before being sent to Montreal.
· A front company that manufactures electric generators in Montreal will openly ship the bomb within the generator to New York, ensuring it looks legitimate.
· Through secret sources in South America, false rumors will be floated that a nuclear suitcase bomb possibly of Soviet origin is being shipped north – this will divert FBI attention to shipping from South America.
· Once safely in a New York warehouse, the bomb will be removed from the generator and taken to the detonation location.
· The detonation site will be a construction project within a well-known New York building.
· A second bomb of conventional explosives will also be planted as a diversion at a different well-known New York building.
· False clues will lure American FBI officers to the site of the conventional bomb and the bomb will be detonated to kill them, thus ensuring the team planting the atomic bomb has a clear field.
· Anyone who gets in the way of the plan will be killed.
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Day 4 assignment: The Silence of the Lambs
What I learned from analysing this film using the MIS stacking suspense model:
1. This model helps create strong characters that make us want to be invested in their fates.
2. This model raises questions in each scene that make us want to continue watching to learn the answers.
3. This model creates that feeling we call “sitting on the edge of your seat.”
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Rachel’s Basic Instinct Stacking Suspense
Through the action and dialogue, each scene raises questions in the viewers’ minds – Who exactly is each character (they may not be who they seem to be); Why are they behaving in this way at this moment; What are their deeper motivations; What will happen next; Will the protagonist survive and solve the mystery?
These questions create the MIS of the scene and the characters. Unless the scene raises questions, there is no MIS created.
Some scenes raise many questions, touching on all aspects of mystery, intrigue and suspense. These scenes most successfully use the stacking suspense chart.
Other scenes may not raise all of the questions, but to keep the viewer interested, they must touch on at least one aspect of mystery, intrigue or suspense.
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Rachel’s World & Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is: how to clearly outline the Big M.I.S. of the key characters and create an intriguing world in which the story can play out.
1. Logline: It’s 1954 and the FBI is chasing rumors that the Soviet Union has planted a suitcase-sized nuclear bomb somewhere in New York City. But when a body is found floating in the Hudson River, it’s NYPD Detective Bob Stoughton who chases the clues, discovers the rumors are true and must prevent the deaths of millions of people.
The Big M.I.S. of the story:
· Big Mystery: What is the connection between a man found floating in the Hudson and an empty dockside warehouse that bares traces of radioactivity?
· Big Intrigue: A rogue Soviet team has smuggled an atomic bomb into New York City and is about to detonate it at a secret location.
· Big Suspense: Will Stoughton discover the rogue Soviet team in time to save New York and prevent a war?
2. Intriguing World: The shadow world of rogue Soviet nuclear terrorists
3. Top character questions:
· Hero: NYPD Detective Bob Stoughton – an NYPD detective who discovers a mysterious radioactive warehouse on the docks when investigating a body found in the Hudson.
o A. What is the mystery of this character? Will Stoughton discover the connection between a body floating in the Hudson and a radioactive warehouse? And what is the significance of the radioactive warehouse?
o B. What is the suspense of this character? Will Stoughton discover the suitcase bomb plot in time to save New York?
o C. What is the intrigue of this character? Stoughton walks his own path when investigating crimes, often breaking the rules and defying his superiors.
· Villain: Alexei Krasnoff – An ex- Soviet army colonel who wants to destroy New York to spark a war between the U.S. and the Soviet Union that he thinks the Soviets could win at a time when their forces are stronger.
o A. What is the mystery of this character? Krasnoff is hidden behind a veil of secrecy for much of the story. Who is he? What is he trying to do? Why is he doing it?
o B. What is the suspense of this character? Will Krasnoff succeed in planting a suitcase bomb in New York and detonating it?
o C. What is the intrigue of this character? Krasnoff is a master of manipulating people and events while remaining unseen.
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Rachel Morgan’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to stack Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense before starting to write the story.
Logline: It’s 1954 and the FBI is chasing rumors that a rogue Soviet team has planted a suitcase-sized nuclear bomb somewhere in New York City. But when a body is found floating in the Hudson River, it’s Detective Bob Stoughton who chases the clues, discovers the rumors are true and must prevent the deaths of millions of people.
1. Story conventions:
· Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: NYPD Detective Bob Stoughton, has only been working homicide for three years but has already cemented a reputation as a dogged investigator who thinks outside the box.
· Dangerous Villain: Alexei Krasnoff, a colonel in the Soviet army who is furious over Premier Nikita Kruschev’s denunciation of Joseph Stalin, secretly establishes a rogue unit to spark a war before the U.S can gain a nuclear advantage.
· High stakes: Will Stoughton uncover the plot to detonate a nuclear bomb in New York and can he stop it in time?
· Life and death situations: Stoughton faces death at the hands of the mysterious Soviet team if he makes a misstep and war will break out if he fails.
· This story is thrilling because: We fear for Stoughton’s life and worry about the fate of New York City and the world.
2. The Big M.I.S. of the story:
· Big Mystery: What is the connection between a man found floating in the Hudson and an empty dockside warehouse that bears traces of radioactivity?
· Big Intrigue: A rogue Soviet team has smuggled an atomic bomb into New York City and is about to detonate it at a secret location.
· Big Suspense: Will Stoughton discover the rogue Soviet team in time to save New York and prevent a war?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Rachel Morgan.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of applying the conventions of a thriller to creating a movie that keeps the audience guessing to the very end.
(Klute, 1971) Thriller Conventions
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Clean-cut, small town cop John Klute, who appears to be in way over his head when he is asked to look into the mysterious disappearance of an old friend.
Dangerous Villain: Peter Cable, a sophisticated, senior executive at a major New York corporation whose role remains hidden until the very end.
High stakes: Klute’s friend has been missing for a year and the FBI is giving up the search. Is he alive or dead? Is he the mysterious man stalking a sex-trade worker in New York? Will Klute find his friend where the FBI has failed?
Life and death situations: Klute has one lead – Bree Daniels, a sex-trade worker who is being terrorized by a mysterious stalker. Klute must keep her alive to find his friend.
This movie is thrilling because? Klute must rise above his small-town roots and overcome Bree’s suspicions of him while moving through the sleazy underbelly of New York if he is to have any chance of finding his friend.
Big Mystery: What happened to Klute’s friend?
Big Intrigue: What is the connection between the missing friend and sex-trade worker Bree Daniels?
Big Suspense: Will Klute be able to keep Bree alive and find his friend?
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Hi, my name is Rachel Morgan. I’m a former journalist and political staffer in Winnipeg, Canada. These days, I hike, canoe, ski and snowshoe – when I’m not watching hockey. Not much of a cliché, eh? I’ve written three spec crime thrillers and have had some success in the contests at the finalist level. It’s time to up my game. I want to see my characters and stories given life on the big screen. All the best to all of you.
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DAY 5 ASSIGNMENT: ELEVATE YOUR CHARACTERS’ STORIES
I’m still having trouble understanding the concept of beats and it’s hindering my ability to keep up with the assignments. I’m probably overthinking it. Below are my responses to questions No. 1 and No. 2. I have not been able to answer the later questions.
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Take your top five characters through this Character Beats process by following these steps.
1. Give us their Character Profile.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
6. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and place that at the top of your work.
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CHARACTER PROFILES
Character: Det. Bob Stoughton
Role: Protagonist
Core character traits: self-reliant, intelligent, resourceful, brave, loyal, honest
Character subtext logline: Through his work, Stoughton wants to embody the ideals espoused by the Allied forces during the Second World War – saving the world from tyrants
Flaw: PTSD, nightmares, sometimes angers to the point of striking out
Want/need: to capture the sense of mission he felt as a combat soldier in WW 2
Mission/agenda: to solve a murder and make amends for bungling two cases
Character arc: Initially, his character is partly a façade – a goal more than a reality. Over the course of the story, the façade is challenged, but he proves to himself that he is the good cop and good man he wanted to be.
World view: People are inherently good; America is a beacon of democracy
Life metaphor/identity: a boy scout; the cowboy in the white hat
Secret: There’s an artistic, creative side to him that he keeps under wraps
Beginning: Stoughton fumbles two murder cases, the first when he fails to realize that one is a staged suicide by a Soviet spy ring, and the second when he is unable to stop a corrupt justice system from railroading an innocent man.
Middle: Stoughton has been suspended, lost his wife and seen the wrong man executed for one of the murders.
End: Stoughton uncovers the Soviet spy ring’s role in one murder, redeems himself with his department and ensures the family of the wrongly convicted man gets a degree of justice.
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Character: Ian Clark
Role: Antagonist
Core character traits: dangerous, unrelenting, self-possessed, intelligent, willing to kill, sociopathic
Character subtext logline: The world exists solely for his benefit
Flaw: Overconfident, believes he can get away with anything
Want/need: to control his own destiny and to control others
Mission/agenda: to steal nuclear sub secrets for the Soviets, while pretending to work for the Americans
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are to be used
Life metaphor/identity: the thief in the night
Secret: ????????
Beginning: Clark heads the Soviet spy ring and might be the person who staged the suicide of a Columbia professor.
Middle: Clark fends off the FBI with promises of providing Soviet codes while actually stealing secret plans of the new nuclear sub.
End: Clark sets out to kill Stoughton when he realizes the disgraced cop is on his trail.
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Character: Det. Jack Harrison
Role: Mentor, older detective
Core character traits: patient, dedicated, honest, trustworthy, pragmatic
Character subtext logline: a peacemaker, works to smooth things over
Flaw: ??????
Want/need: to help folks who get a raw deal out of life
Mission/agenda: to do his job as best as he can
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are basically good, and he can tolerate a little rule breaking
Life metaphor/identity: the older brother
Secret: ?????
Beginning: He’s the slightly older detective who befriends the younger, less experienced Stoughton.
Middle: He mentors Stoughton when the younger detective has doubts about his ability to do the job.
End: He provides verification that Stoughton has succeeded in solving the crime and is a good detective.
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Character: Lt William Raymond
Role: head of homicide department
Core character traits: tough, pragmatic, focused
Character subtext logline: Detectives will follow orders or be tossed out
Flaw: is so concerned with how his department is perceived he’s willing to let certain crimes go by the wayside.
Want/need: to control his department
Mission/agenda: to reduce the crime rate to bring credit to the department
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: the world is not fair, and some innocents will get steamrolled
Life metaphor/identity: the difficult boss
Secret: ????????
Beginning: Is tough but hands off as Stoughton investigates murders.
Middle: Suspends Stoughton because he believes Stoughton has disobeyed his directives and brought disrepute on the department.
End: Reinstates Stoughton for solving a difficult case and busting a Soviet spy ring.
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Character: Dick Galbraith
Role: friend of Stoughton’s
Core character traits: mysterious, secretive, loyal to his friends
Character subtext logline: The world is a dangerous place
Flaw: ?????????
Want/need: to help Stoughton and keep him out of danger
Mission/agenda: to protect American military secrets
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: The world is a dangerous place
Life metaphor/identity: the spy
Secret: we never find out which federal department he works for
Beginning: He’s a former war buddy and friend of Stoughton’s who works for a mysterious wing of government.
Middle: He assists Stoughton with key information about the Nautilus project but warns him to stay away from the Soviet spy ring because it’s FBI jurisdiction.
End: He confirms Stoughton was on the right track when he went after Clark, the head of the Soviet spy ring, even though the FBI warned him off.
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Subject: Rachel’s Character Profiles
I’m so far behind in this course, that I haven’t been able to finish the assignment – I have no changes to the character profiles. I’m moving on to the next assignment and hope to get back to this one later.
Character: Det. Bob Stoughton
Role: Protagonist
Core character traits: self-reliant, intelligent, resourceful, brave, loyal, honest
Character subtext logline: Through his work, Stoughton wants to embody the ideals espoused by the Allied forces during the Second World War – saving the world from tyrants
Flaw: PTSD, nightmares, sometimes angers to the point of striking out
Want/need: to capture the sense of mission he felt as a combat soldier in WW 2
Mission/agenda: to solve a murder and make amends for bungling two cases
Character arc: Initially, his character is partly a façade – a goal more than a reality. Over the course of the story, the façade is challenged, but he proves to himself that he is the good man he wanted to be.
World view: People are inherently good; America is a beacon of democracy
Life metaphor/identity: a boy scout; the cowboy in the white hat
Secret: There’s an artistic, insecure part of him that requires validation
Character: Ian Clark
Role: Antagonist
Core character traits: dangerous, unrelenting, self-possessed, intelligent, willing to kill, sociopathic
Character subtext logline: The world exists solely for his benefit
Flaw: Overconfident, believes he can get away with anything
Want/need: to control his own destiny and to control others
Mission/agenda: to steal nuclear sub secrets for the Soviets, while pretending to work for the Americans
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are to be used
Life metaphor/identity: the thief in the night
Secret:
Character: Det. Jack Harrison
Role: Mentor, older detective
Core character traits: patient, dedicated, honest, trustworthy, pragmatic
Character subtext logline: a peacemaker, works to smooth things over
Flaw:
Want/need: to help folks who get a raw deal out of life
Mission/agenda: to do his job as best as he can
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are basically good, and he can tolerate a little rule breaking
Life metaphor/identity: the older brother
Secret:
Character: Lt William Raymond
Role: head of homicide department
Core character traits: tough, pragmatic, focused
Character subtext logline: Detectives will follow orders or be tossed out
Flaw: is more concerned with how his department is perceived than actually solving crimes
Want/need: to control his department
Mission/agenda: to reduce the crime rate to bring credit to himself
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: the world is not fair, and some innocents will get steamrolled
Life metaphor/identity: the difficult boss
Secret:
Character: Dick Galbraith
Role: friend of Stoughton’s
Core character traits: mysterious, secretive, loyal to his friends
Character subtext logline: The world is a dangerous place
Flaw:
Want/need: to help Stoughton and keep him out of danger
Mission/agenda: to protect American military secrets
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: The world is a dangerous place
Life metaphor/identity: the spy
Secret: we never find out which federal department he works for
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Day 3 Assignment – Time to elevate the beats of your story.
Well, it only took me a week to do this and I’ve had to cut corners. Rather than post two lists of beats, I’ve only posted the second (stronger) beats. The synopsis below doesn’t capture many of the changes I made. But I feel it’s stronger than the earlier version. So, what did learn? I learned that by creating a beat sheet it’s possible to catch inconsistencies and weaknesses. And by brainstorming other ways of writing them, it’s possible to create a stronger script. Jolly good fun!
Logline: In 1951 New York, a detective’s world spins out of control after he bungles two murder cases and is suspended by his department. He fights to redeem himself, but his investigation places him in the crosshairs of a Soviet spy ring and at odds with the FBI.
BEATS:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET – DAY
April 1951, Bob Stoughton (30s) rushes a badly injured boy to hospital on his motorcycle. He leaves the boy in the hands of an ER doctor, not knowing whether the boy lives or dies.
EXT. THAMES RIVER CONNECTICUT – DAY
An American diesel-electric sub is underway on the surface of the river. A Soviet spy team led by a mysterious man named Ian Clark (30s) is photographing the sub.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton in running gear jogs through the streets.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – DAY
As he finishes dressing, we see by his gun and detective badge that Stoughton is a police officer. His wife, Cindy (20s), offers encouragement as he heads to work to take on the “bad guys.”
EXT. UPSCALE NEIGHBORHOOD NEW WORK CITY – DAY
Ian Clark pulls up to a home in his black 1950 Ford and knocks on the door of a home. He gives a false name as he is admitted by Professor Andrew Desmond (50s).
INT. DESMOND HOME – DAY
Mrs. Desmond (50s) arrives home to find her husband dead in his study. It looks like he got drunk then put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out.
INT. DESMOND HOME – DAY
Stoughton arrives, investigates the death scene and questions Mrs. Desmond. His line of questioning is based on the evidence indicating the professor killed himself. Mrs. Desmond disputes this and challenges Stoughton to treat the death as a murder.
INT. LT RAYMOND’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton reports to his boss, Lt William Raymond (50s), and tells him the evidence in the professor’s death indicates a suicide. But with Desmond’s wife’s words still in his mind, Stoughton says he wants to continue investigating – to be certain. Raymond tells him to make it fast – there’s more work for him.
INT. GROTON NAVAL BASE CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Naval officers, including Commander John Forbes (40s), pore over plans for a new submarine – USS Nautilus. Forbes leaves with some of the plans in his briefcase.
EXT.COLONIAL-STYLE HOUSE – DAY
Forbes hands the plans to Clark, who photographs them. Forbes thinks Clark is a Brit and the two men argue. Forbes tells Clark how much he detests him for being a traitor. Clark reveals he’s a disgruntled Canadian with no loyalties to any nation. Forbes wears the mantle of a loyal American, but Clark cuts him down to size by pointing out he’s stealing nuclear secrets. Forbes complains he has no choice because Clark is blackmailing him with compromising sex photos.
INT. FEDERAL BUILDING – DAY
Stoughton tries to get an interview with a member of the House Un-American Activities Committee to see if they were investigating Desmond but is stonewalled by a junior official.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stoughton has a nightmare based on his wartime experience as a combat soldier in France.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – DAY
As Stoughton is dressing, Cindy enters and tells him she is worried about him. She suggests he consider a different job. He refuses and tells her not worry – he can handle the stress of being a cop.
EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
Stoughton interviews the dean of Desmond’s department, asking if Desmond was a communist or had any conflicts with others. The dean responds ambiguously, telling Stoughton that of course Desmond had conflicts with others – it’s a university – and didn’t see eye-to-eye with others on how to handle the Soviet Union.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton is frustrated by not being able to definitively close the Desmond case. He shares his frustrations with a more experienced detective, Jack Harrison (30s). Harrison tells Stoughton to trust his instincts. Another older detective, Darren Endersby (40s) tells Stoughton to go to Desmond’s funeral.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
At Desmond’s funeral Stoughton takes note of the mourners. Aside from Desmond’s wife, the dean and colleagues, there’s a mysterious woman (50s) with piercing eyes. Clark is also there, although at this point there’s nothing to link him to Desmond’s death. As well, there’s a mysterious man in a car watching from a distance.
INT. STOUGHTON’S APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton completes a pencil sketch from memory of the mourners at Desmond’s funeral. As a man in his thirties, Clark stands out from the rest of the middle-aged mourners.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
At the end of the workday, Theodore Stankowski (20s) gets off his bus and buys some apples at a grocery store. Stankowski leaves his lunchbox at the store as he goes to help a young woman crying in a doorstep. She has been beaten up. He gives her some money and she heads off, not realizing she has dropped her blood-stained handkerchief. Stankowski pockets the handkerchief and heads after her, watched by the grocery store shopkeeper.
EXT. SMALL CITY PARK – DAY
Stoughton and Cindy are sitting on a park bench, basking in the warm glow of the evening sun. She’s feeding pigeons. He’s drawing on a sketch pad. She asks him whether he worries about making mistakes in his investigations. He responds that he goes where the evidence takes him.
EXT. NEW WORK CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton is called to a murder scene – the woman befriended by Stankowski the day before. Stoughton learns Stankowski left his lunchbox in the grocery store. His name and address are on a label inside the lunchbox.
INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
Stoughton is with Stankowski and his lawyer. The lawyer offers to introduce a guilty plea to manslaughter. Stankowski’s English is poor, and he fails to understand what’s happening.
INT. POLICE BALLISTICS DEPARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton chats with a ballistics expert, who confirms the bullet that killed Desmond came from the gun found at the death scene. The gun’s serial number has been filed off, but it could have come from a stolen shipment.
INT. BROWNSTONE WALKUP – DAY
Stoughton meets Peter Fischer, the husband of Angela Fischer, the woman Stoughton is accused of killing. Stoughton is shocked by his lack of emotion upon learning his wife is dead.
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Peter Fischer identifies his wife’s body, again with no emotion. Stoughton learns his employment is spotty and often connected with the docks.
INT. POOL HALL – NIGHT
Stoughton and his friend, Dick Galbraith (30s), play pool while discussing the Red Scare. Stoughton shares his concerns about being blocked in his investigation by people who intimate that Desmond was disloyal to American and a communist sympathizer.
EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
Ian Clark visits the campus swimming pool where a young man is swimming laps. It’s Jorge Rodríguez (20s), the man we saw taking photos of subs.
INT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY SWIMMING POOL – DAY
Three students discover Rodríguez’s body in the pool.
INT. RUN-DOWN TENEMENT – DAY
Stoughton informs Angela Fischer’s parents of her murder. They imply God has punished her for being headstrong and not obeying her husband, but they stop short of blaming Peter Fischer.
INT. POLICE STATION RECORDS ROOM – DAY
Stoughton learns Peter Fischer had a record for a handful of petty crimes. Angela Fischer had a record for prostitution.
INT. SEEDY BAR – NIGHT
Stoughton checks on Peter Fischer’s alibi for the time of Angela’s murder. A bartender and three men claim Fischer was playing cards in the bar that evening.
INT. RAYMOND’S OFFICE – DAY
Lt Raymond chastises Stoughton for bringing the three men from the bar to the station for questioning. Despite Stoughton’s protestations that he needed to check Fischer’s alibi and be certain, Raymond insists Stankowski is the guilty party and Stoughton is just wasting everyone’s time. He also tells him to close the Desmond case ASAP.
EXT. CITY STREET OUTSIDE THE COURT HOUSE – DAY
As Stoughton climbs the courthouse steps, a passing car backfires several times. Thinking it’s gunfire, Stoughton goes into a defensive posture with his gun drawn. Seeing it’s just a car, Stoughton stands, his hands shaking, and sees a man his age curled up in a ball on the stairs with his wife comforting him.
INT. DISTRICT ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton questions the DA about how he will handle the Stankowski case and asks for more time to investigate. The DA challenges him – are you in the right job – and says he intends to convict Stankowski of murder and send him to the chair.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – NIGHT
Clark deposits a small package in a secret location. After he leaves, another man retrieves the package and takes it to the Soviet mission.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stoughton has nightmares. He’s back in combat in France in 1944. Cindy watches him in frustration and leaves the room.
INT. STOUGHTON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Cindy suggests Stoughton seek help for his nightmares. He says he can deal with it himself.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton is preparing to leave for the courthouse, where he will testify in the Stankowski case. He has a verbal confrontation with Detective Endersby and Detective Blatchford over the role of a cop and whether Stankowski is guilty. The other two detectives are convinced of his guilt because he is a foreigner from a communist country.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
With Stoughton on the stand, the DA makes his testimony sound like an iron-clad case for convicting Stankowski.
INT. RAYMOND’S OFFICE – DAY
As ordered, reports that Desmond’s death is a suicide based on the evidence. Raymond is happy with this and tells him to move on to the next case.
EXT. CITY STREET OUTSIDE SOVIET MISSION – NIGHT
A black van sits in the street across the street from the mission. Inside are three men monitoring transmissions, but they’re frustrated because they can’t decode them.
INT. STOUGHTON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Stoughton and Cindy are eating breakfast. Cindy is fidgeting and trying to find out what time her husband will be home after work. Stoughton says it depends on the court case.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
The jury convicts Stankowski of murder and the judge sentences him to the chair.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton arrives home early, finding Cindy dressed to the nines and heading out for lunch. He asks to join her, but she says it would be a bad idea – she will be comforting a girlfriend whose sister died.
INT. CHEAP MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Clark meets with three FBI agents, led by Special Agent Garth Saunders. Saunders threatens him with arrest if he doesn’t supply better intelligence fast.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Mrs. Stankowski enters visits Stoughton and pleads for him to save her husband.
INT. COLONIAL STYLE HOUSE STUDY – DAY
Clark puts pressure on Forbes to provide more plans for Nautilus fast.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stoughton tells Cindy he’ll attend Stankowski’s execution because he feels like he owes him.
EXT. SING SING CORRECTIONAL FACILITY – DAY
Stoughton witnesses the execution – a horrific scene.
EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN OFF CONNECTICUT COAST – DAY
An American sub spots a Soviet spy ship that is broadcasting in code as they enter the Atlantic.
INT. STOUGHTON’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Stoughton gets a call summoning him to the station – they’ve found Angela’s purse.
INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT
Stoughton questions Holland Kirby (20s), one of the men from the bar who gave Fischer an alibi. Kirby admits Fischer gave him money to rough up Angela, but he didn’t intend to kill her.
INT. LT RAYMOND’S OFFICE – DAY
Raymond harangues Stoughton for charging Kirby and Peter Fischer for Angela’s death. Stoughton protests, but Raymond says he doesn’t want the force to be ridiculed. He tells Stoughton to get used to the fact that an innocent man was executed. It won’t be the last.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton learns from Harrison that Fischer and Kirby were released and that both men are police informers on Endersby’s payroll.
INT. STOUGHTON’S APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton goes home drunk and is confronted by an angry Cindy.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stoughton has a nightmare – he’s back in France in 1944. He wakes up with the jitters and Cindy leaves the room.
INT. STOUGHTON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Stoughton and Cindy argue over breakfast. She’s fed up with the nightmares, the crazy hours, him driving drunk. She tells him she may go to her mother’s place for a while. He asks her to stay. Nothing is settled.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton arrives and is ridiculed by Endersby and Blatchford for bungling the Stankowski case. A brawl ensues. Harrison comes to Stoughton’s assistance.
INT. LT RAYMOND’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY
Raymond suspends Stoughton for brawling and for making the department a laughingstock for arresting Fischer and Kirby in Angela Fischer’s murder after Stankowski’s execution.
INT. POLICE STATION CORRIDOR – DAY
Stoughton tells Harrison he’s been suspended. Harrison is sympathetic.
INT. STOUGHTON’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Stoughton arrives home, looking for sympathy from Cindy but doesn’t get it. The phone rings and Cindy heads out, claiming she will be meeting a girlfriend.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton is suspicious and goes after Cindy. He trails her taxi to a restaurant.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Stoughton enters and sees Cindy embrace and kiss another man. Stoughton confronts them. Cindy is mortified. The other man attempts to be tough, but Stoughton easily handles him. Cindy tells Stoughton she’s fed up with his violence. He storms out.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
In a grim mood, Stoughton rides his Triumph at high speed, weaving around vehicles. He fails to see a traffic light up ahead turn red. At the last second, he realizes he’s heading into cross-traffic and pedestrians. He speeds through the intersection, narrowly missing everyone and cursing himself for being an idiot.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – DAY
Stoughton goes to Harrison’s home and asks to spend the night. Harrison and his wife put him in the spare bedroom.
INT. FBI BUILDING NYC – NIGHT
Special Agent Saunders meets with his boss, Special Agent Mark Blythe, and tells him his team is increasing the pressure on Ian Clark to gain access to Soviet codes.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton is sleeping on a mattress on the floor. He’s a mess. The phone rings. It’s Mrs. Desmond.
INT. CHEZ ANDRÉ – DAY
It’s very posh. Stoughton is totally out of place in his casual clothes. The maître ‘d insists that Stoughton put on a tie and jacket before entering. Stoughton is escorted to Mrs. Desmond’s table. They argue. She insists her husband was murdered and demands Stoughton do his job properly. Do it right, this time, she tells him. She leaves him fuming at the table.
EXT. MUDDY ROAD FRANCE – DAY (STOUGHTON’S NIGHTMARE)
It’s hedgerow country, summer 1944. A young Stoughton in combat gear is falling behind his platoon. Dark clouds swirl overhead. A ghostly voice orders Stoughton to keep up.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK CONSERVATORY POND – DAY
Stoughton meets Detective Harrison and tells him he’s thinking of quitting the force. He says he’d hoped to find a place for himself as a cop. He says he’d hoped to recapture the sense of mission he felt during the war. Harrison cautions him that unlike soldiering, it’s a lot harder to tell who the bad guys are in police work.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING DARK ROOM – DAY
Under red light, Clark hangs wet prints on a line. He turns on the white light and examines the prints – detailed plans of the interior of a submarine – Nautilus.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING SECOND FLOOR – DAY
Clark makes a phone call, telling someone he will make a delivery. Looking out the window, he spots a shadowy man in a car on the other side of the street.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – NIGHT
Stoughton is at his kitchen table reading a newspaper, drinking coffee and smoking. He hasn’t shaved in days. There’s a knock on the door. Stoughton opens it. A man introduces himself as Mike Austin (30s), the father of the boy Stoughton rushed to hospital. He tells Stoughton he saved the boy’s life. He thanks Stoughton, telling him he’s a good man. After Austin leaves, Stoughton starts sobbing.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton wakes up. Initially, he’s unsure of himself, but a look of determination soon crosses his face.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton in running gear jogs through the streets.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton exits his bathroom, naked, freshly shaved and groomed. He pulls a suit out of a closet.
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM – DAY
Stoughton questions the coroner about his autopsy of Desmond. The coroner insists everything points to suicide. But then he recalls an odd detail – there was alcohol in Desmond’s lungs. He shrugs it off, but Stoughton’s curiosity is piqued.
EXT. DESMOND HOME – DAY
Stoughton knocks and Mrs. Desmond answers. He wants to see the study again. She’s suspicious of him but lets him in. She hasn’t been in it since the death of her husband.
INT. DESMOND’S STUDY – DAY
Stoughton enters finds the room trashed. Someone was looking for something. He searches the room. In a wastebasket, he finds a scrap of paper. In handwritten ink are the words “orphans donation” and “Evans”. Also, a time – 9:30, Thursday.
INT. DESMOND’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Stoughton questions Mrs. Desmond about the study. She’s shocked to learn of the break-in. He asks about Desmond’s missing appointment book. She can’t help him. He tells her he now believes Desmond was murdered. As they talk, Stoughton notices high-quality photos of New York City on the wall. It was Desmond’s hobby, and he has an extensive camera collection.
INT. DESMOND’S LIBRARY – DAY
Mrs. Desmond shows Stoughton the camera collection. Inside one of them, he finds several sheets of note paper. One is a list of names. The other is in code.
INT. RAY’S DINER – EVENING
Stoughton tries to make sense of the notes from the camera but can’t. He befriends a Black waitress who suggests he turn to his friends for help.
INT. DICK GALBRAITH’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton asks Galbraith to help with assessing the notes. Galbraith agrees to help.
INT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton learns that the list of names is of foreign students who have returned home. Except for one – Jorge Rodríguez, who was a student of Desmond’s and died in the swimming pool.
INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY
A security officer explains that a cleaning lady found a textbook with some notes in it after one of Desmond’s classes. The book had Rodríguez’s name in it, so the security officer took it to Desmond.
INT. UNIVERSITY BUILDING BASEMENT – DAY
A maintenance man takes Stoughton to Rodríguez’s locker, which is empty. But a student at a nearby locker overhears them talking and volunteers that he has Rodríguez’s duffle bag. He tells Stoughton that Rodríguez had a small motorcycle and used to take trips along the coast. He was also a strong swimmer.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton opens Rodríguez’s duffle bag. He finds a pair of binoculars, a 35mm camera, a telephoto lens and a leather-bound pocket Bible. He also finds a Walther P38 pistol with three spare magazines, a map of the East Coast, and a wire-ring notebook with an elastic band around it. The pages he found in Desmond’s camera match missing pages in the notebook.
There are also scraps of paper and a pamphlet from a charitable organization, which Stoughton throws in the trash can. The map has the highway between New York and New London is highlighted in red ink.
INT. STOUGHTON’S BATHROOM – DAY
Stoughton has turned the bathroom into a temporary darkroom. From a wire, hang B&W 8×10 prints.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton examines the prints with a magnifying glass. They’re of submarines.
INT. DICK GALBRAITH’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton shows Galbraith the B&W prints. Galbraith shows him the Nautilus file and tells him this is the ultimate prize for Soviet espionage. He tells Stoughton to back off the case and hand it to the FBI.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton is at his table finishing a sketch of Professor Desmond. He stands and pins it to a wall beside a sketch of Rodríguez and a photo of a diesel sub.
INT. NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY – DAY
Stoughton searches for information on cryptology.
INT. CORNELL UNIVERSITY MALOTT HALL – DAY
Stoughton knocks on the door of Prof G Greenberg. The door opens and he’s the short woman with the piercing eyes who attended Desmond’s funeral. She reveals that she’s Prof Greenberg.
INT. PROFESSOR GREENBERG’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton has come to see Prof Greenberg because she’s a cryptologist who worked with American Intelligence during the war. She agrees to look at the coded notes, but only if he’ll leave them with her for several days.
INT. PROFESSOR GREENBERG’S OFFICE – DAY
As soon as Stoughton leaves, Greenberg makes a phone call to a mysterious person, asking whether they know anything about a Soviet surveillance team watching East Coast sub bases.
EXT. EBBETS FIELD – DAY
Independence Day. Flags everywhere. Stoughton is watching a baseball game when the sight of tourists with a sightseeing pamphlet jars his memory. He quickly leaves the game.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton finds the rumpled pamphlet from the student’s duffle bag. The pamphlet describes the work done by a charity called Orphaned Children’s Relief Foundation. The address is in Manhattan. There’s also a head shot of Ian Clark. Stoughton compares it to the sketch he made at the funeral – they match.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton goes to the Orphaned Children’s Relief Foundation. He doesn’t notice a shadowy man in a suit sitting in a car across the street. The man watches Stoughton, then writes in his notebook.
INT. CHILDREN’S FOUNDATION – DAY
Stoughton visits ostensibly to make a donation, but in reality, to check out the organization. He meets Clark and gives him a false name. Their conversation raises suspicions in both men.
EXT. CITY STREET OUTSIDE THE CHILDREN’S FOUNDATION – DAY
As Stoughton drives off on his Triumph, Clark takes photos of his license plate.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton calls Dick Galbraith from a phone booth and asks him to dig up any info on Clark and his organization.
‘s Triumph is parked beside a phone booth. Stoughton is inside the phone booth, dropping coins into the slots. After a few rings, the call is answered.
INT. CLARK’S OFFICE – DAY
Clark has developed the photo of Stoughton’s bike and is checking with the license office on the ownership.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton pins a sketch of Clark on the wall along with those of Rodríguez, Desmond and the sub photo.
INT. PROFESSOR GREENBERG’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton has returned Greenberg gives him the key to deciphering the coded notes. She tells him he’s out of his depth and should go to the FBI.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – EVENING
Stoughton deciphers the coded notes and finds Clark’s name as well as info on the Soviet spy ring. He calls Dick Galbraith and makes an appointment to meet him.
EXT. STOUGHTON’S BUILDING – NIGHT
Clark sabotages Stoughton’s Triumph.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton is riding his bike to the meeting with Galbraith and his brakes fail. He narrowly misses hitting a group of moms and kids, only by turning his bike on its side.
INT. DICK GALBRAITH’S OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton tells he’s convinced Ian Clark is the head of the Soviet spy ring and killed Desmond and Rodriguez. Galbraith insists Stoughton doesn’t have the evidence – he’s just guessing. They argue. Stoughton storms out after Galbraith insists he drop this line of inquiry.
EXT. MA & PA GROCERY STORE – DAY
Stoughton exits and three FBI agents hustle him into a car.
INT. CHEAP MOTEL ROOM – DAY
Stoughton meets Special Agent Saunders, who orders him to leave Clark alone or he will face serious consequences.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Stoughton is forced to walk home, through some of the seedier parts of town.
EXT. GROCERY STORE – NIGHT
Mrs. Stankowski darts out and bumps into Stoughton. She’s in tears because she has no money to buy food for her daughter. Stoughton offers her some money, but she refuses to take it.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – NIGHT
Stoughton returns home and discovers the sketches on the wall are gone. So is Rodríguez’s duffle bag and most of his notes on the case. He checks under the desk. Rodríguez’s notebook is taped to the underside. He exhales in relief.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton is sitting at the kitchen table writing his resignation letter.
EXT. CITY STREET OUTSIDE STOUGHTON’S APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton is fixing the brakes on his bike.
EXT. CITY STREET NEAR CHILDREN’S FOUNDATION – DAY
Stoughton parks his Triumph a block from the foundation. He spots a man in a car watching the building. Stoughton quietly makes his way to a diner and enters.
INT. DINER – DAY
Stoughton keeps an eye on Clark’s building. There’s a changing of the guard for the shadowy observers. Then Clark leaves his office and gets into a blue Pontiac and drives off. The observer in a Chevy pulls away from the curb and follows him.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Stoughton leaves the diner and heads after Clark and the Chevy.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – DAY
Clark pulls up outside a townhouse and enters. The Chevy parks nearby.
Stoughton pulls up out of sight and watches the townhouse. After a moment, he partially circles the block, behind Clark’s building and watches.
EXT. BACK COURTYARD – DAY
The back door of Clark’s townhouse opens. Stoughton watches Clark walk to his black Ford and get in. Stoughton follows him to New London.
EXT. COLONIAL STYLE HOUSE – DAY
As Stoughton watches the house, Forbes pulls up in his burgundy Pontiac and enters the house carrying a briefcase. He notes the plate number of Forbes’ car. Forbes leaves and Stoughton follows him. Clark watching from a window spots him.
EXT. GROTON NAVAL BASE – DAY
Stoughton watches Forbes enter the base. As he heads back to New York, he fails to see Clark’s black Ford parked at the side of the road
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – DAY
Stoughton phones the licence office to check on Forbes’s number.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – NIGHT
Stoughton, dressed entirely in black, prepares for a break-in.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Stoughton is at a small bookstore near Clark’s foundation, watching the building. When Clark leaves, with his usual shadow, Stoughton picks the lock and enters.
INT. CHILDREN’S FOUNDATION – NIGHT
Stoughton enters and searches the office. He can’t open the safe, but he finds a one-way Pan Am ticket to Paris. He finds a stack of photos of Commander Forbes in bed with a young woman. He finds a photo of his license plate with a piece of paper bearing his name and address. And he finds Desmond’s appointment book
INT. CLARK’S TOWNHOUSE BEDROOM – DAY
Clark packs a briefcase with a bottle of bourbon, a bottle of chloroform, cotton batting, a Webley pistol and a Colt .38. He stands by the window and makes a show of settling in with a book but goes out the back way carrying a briefcase.
INT. RADIO ROOM – CONTINUOUS
In Clark’s office, Stoughton finds a shortwave radio with a map of the East Coast, a Russian-English dictionary and a leather-bound Bible similar to the one Jorge Rodríguez had.
INT. DARK ROOM – CONTINUOUS
In the dark room, Stoughton finds strips of negatives and prints of diesel-electric subs, and the Nautilus plans.
EXT. PHONE BOOTH – NIGHT
Stoughton tries calling Special Agent Saunders but can’t reach him. He calls Dick Galbraith and arranges to meet him later this night. But first he must go home to pick up something.
INT. A LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
It’s pitch black. A shadowy figure is sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette, only the glowing tip is visible.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Stoughton is riding his Triumph through the city. It starts to rain. He comes to his building and parks his bike.
INT. STOUGHTON’S NEW APARTMENT – NIGHT
Stoughton enters the dark suite and reaches for the light switch. A hand plants a wad of cotton batting soaked in chloroform over his face. Stoughton struggles briefly but passes out.
INT. STOUGHTON’S APARTMENT – LATER
Stoughton regains consciousness and finds himself sitting in a chair with a Colt .38 in his right hand, a bottle of bourbon and a glass on the table beside him. Clark is staging his suicide. With difficulty, Stoughton wrestles with Clark and eventually gets the drop on him. Clark tries to talk Stoughton into joining forces, but Stoughton refuses. A shootout ensues. Clark dies. Stoughton is shot in the shoulder and passes out. The apartment is on fire from a dropped cigarette.
EXT. NEW WORK CITY TIMES SQUARE – DAY (STOUGHTON’S NIGHTMARE)
Stoughton has a nightmare about a Soviet nuclear sub launching missiles at New York.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Stoughton wakes to find Harrison sitting beside his bed. Harrison explains the FBI have “forgiven” him for going after Clark and Raymond wants to reinstate him. Stoughton isn’t sure he wants to go back – he doesn’t want to be Raymond’s kind of cop. “Then be your own kind of cop,” Harrison says.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Stoughton wakes to find Dick Galbraith sitting beside him. Galbraith tells him the FBI are thankful that Stoughton ended Clark’s spying. But they don’t know how he got the secret documents. Stoughton says he can tell them.
INT. COLONIAL STYLE HOUSE – DAY
Forbes enters the lobby and is arrested by the FBI. Galbraith tells Stoughton that Uncle Sam owes him for this. Stoughton says he has several ideas about payment.
INT. DESMOND’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Stoughton tells Mrs. Desmond a story will run in the papers clearing her husband of any taint of communism – he will be a hero. Mrs. Desmond is grateful.
INT. STANKOWSKI APARTMENT KITCHEN – DAY
Mrs. Stankowski, very pregnant, is feeding her daughter when a letter pops through the mail slot in the front door. The letter says her husband has been cleared of the wrongful conviction and she has been granted U.S. citizenship. She’s overwhelmed.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT CORRIDOR – DAY
Stoughton exits Lieutenant Raymond’s office. He pockets his badge and slips his snub-nose Colt .38 into his holster.
INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVES’ OFFICE – DAY
Stoughton enters the office. Other detectives ignore Stoughton as he walks to his desk. He pulls an envelope out of his pocket – his resignation letter. He rips it up and drops it into the garbage can. Harrison notes there’s a baseball game on after work and suggests he and Stoughton attend. Stoughton agrees. His world has returned to normal and he’s back in the saddle.
FADE OUT
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Hi Marina,
Thanks for your insights. They’re helpful.
In answer to your questions: Clark is the primary antagonist and like Prof. Moriarity, he is largely in the background pulling strings and running his own game. Although not directly interacting with Stoughton through much of the story, his actions have an impact on Stoughton’s life – an impact that Stoughton is not aware of.
Clark is not an FBI informant in the normal sense. In the script, it becomes clear the FBI twigged to Clark’s spy ring but were only aware that he was monitoring conventional sub movements.
Clark is a disgruntled Canadian veteran recruited by the Soviets to spy on U.S sub bases on the East Coast. He has compromising sex pics of the high-ranking naval officer who is ferreting Nautilus plans out of Groton naval base.
The FBI consider Clark to be a double agent who is dancing to their tune. They have threatened to throw him behind bars forever if he doesn’t do what they want – they want him to use his status as a Soviet spy to obtain secret codes used by the Soviets to converse with their military and espionage operations. (At this time in history, the U.S. and NATO forces couldn’t crack Soviet codes.)
Stoughton’s demons stem from PTSD. He was a combat soldier in Europe in the Second World War. He has nightmares and trouble controlling his anger. These demons damage his marriage and spark friction with fellow officers. Most scenes focus on Stoughton. The first half of the screenplay focuses on his downfall – he bungles two murder cases (a Columbia University professor and a young woman found bludgeoned in an alley), gets suspended for brawling and his wife walks out on him.
By the mid-point, Stoughton is mired in depression and self-doubt. He’s a failure. But the father of a boy he saved in the opening scene pays a visit and tells Stoughton he’s a good man – if not for Stoughton’s decisive actions, his son would have died. It’s a simple scene resulting in Stoughton sobbing alone in his tiny apartment. It’s cathartic and gives him the spark to clean himself up and start over.
<font face=”inherit”>Stoughton pushes on with the investigation of one of the murders he botched – an apparent suicide by a Columbia University professor. Stoughton learns of the Soviet spy ring headed by Clark. His investigation is impeded by the FBI, who warn him not to </font>interfere in their dealings with Clark. <font face=”inherit”> </font>
<font face=”inherit”>But Stoughton persists and discovers that Clark is stealing the secret plans of the Nautilus. He discovers the source of the plans – the naval officer. And he discovers evidence that Clark has committed two murders (the professor and a foreign student at Columbia), making one look like suicide and the other as an accident. With solid evidence, he plans to go to the FBI. The climax is his confrontation with Clark, which results in Clark’s death and the near death of Stoughton. </font>
<font face=”inherit”>The subplot focuses on the conviction and execution of a Polish immigrant who fled communism in his home country to establish a better life for his family in the U.S. He is wrongly convicted of the murder of the young woman in the </font>agley<font face=”inherit”> and tarred as a communist. </font>
<font face=”inherit”>My goal was to use this injustice as a mirror to highlight the hypocrisy of others who claimed to be loyal Americans, or in Clark’s case, amoral with no loyalties to any nation. It channels the fear and persecution that </font>occurred during the McCarthy years – a fascinating period in history that has implications for us today.
I admit that I’m struggling to make all of this clear within the parameters of the assignments. I’m also having trouble working within the parameters of the 3-act story as described by Hal in his instructions for the assignment. I don’t mean to disparage the assignments, I appreciate how they challenge us to think carefully about our structure and our characters. Ultimately, I may have to do a major rewrite of the entire screenplay. The game is afoot.
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Day 2: Review structure and bust clichés (updated)
Rachel’s concept and basic structure.
This assignment was a challenge and I’ve had to compromise somewhat so that I could move forward with the Day 3 Assignment. Rather than brainstorm a list of alternative scenes, I’ve looked for weaknesses in the existing scenes. As a result, I’ve learned from this assignment that it’s worth reviewing key points in a screenplay looking for better ways of accomplishing the goal of the scenes.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Tell us your logline.
In 1951 New York, a detective’s world spins out of control after he bungles two murder cases and is suspended by his department. He fights to redeem himself, but his investigation places him in the crosshairs of a Soviet spy ring and at odds with the FBI.
Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:<div>Main Conflict: A NYC detective struggles with his demons, his department and the FBI, unsure whether he has what it takes to be the good officer he hoped to be.
Opening: The story opens with Det. Bob Stoughton saving the life of a boy – showing us his sense of duty and drive to do the right thing. Inciting Incident: Stoughton is assigned to investigate the apparent suicide of a professor who is found dead in his study after a visit by a mysterious Canadian named Clark.</div>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Stoughton thinks he’s on top of his game, but in reality, he’s caught in the “fog of war” moving forward with only hints of the dangers that lie ahead.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>First turning point at end of Act 1: A high-ranking naval officer passes top-secret plans of the new nuclear sub – Nautilus – out of Groton Naval Base and passes them onto Clark.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mid-Point: Stoughton considers giving up on his career after he is suspended for brawling with other detectives, bungled two murder cases and his wife leaves him.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Second turning point at end of Act 2: Stoughton’s world has collapsed but he finds new faith in himself from the words of the father of the boy he saved and resolves to continue a solitary investigation of the prof’s death.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Crisis: After persisting with his investigation of the prof’s death, Stoughton is convinced it’s a murder linked to the spy ring led by Clark – but he’s on his own after the FBI tells him to leave Clark alone.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Climax: Stoughton discovers the evidence he needs to bring Clark to justice but is ambushed by Clark before he can report his findings.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Resolution: In a fight for his life, Stoughton overcomes Clark, reveals the truth about the Soviet spy ring and is reinstated into the police force.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>to elevate.
<div>The two elements I’m going to rewrite are: A) the inciting incident; and B) the Pg. 10 turning point.</div><div>
Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
a) The original inciting incident was too passive. In the new version, the prof’s wife is more aggressive as she confronts Stoughton over his early assumption that her husband committed suicide. As well, Stoughton pushes back harder about her assumptions it was a murder. This increases the tension and leaves Stoughton with nagging doubts about the suicide. Thirdly, the connection between Clark and the sub surveillance is clarified, which heightens the stakes in the story.
b) The original Pg 10 turning point was weak. Stoughton didn’t have enough reason to challenge the suicide theory. The new Pg 10 turning point introduces the possibility that the suicide was staged. The wife’s challenge forces Stoughton to decide whether he is willing to accept the facts of the death on face value or continue investigating.
Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:</div>
<div>
Main Conflict: A NYC detective struggles with his demons, his department and the FBI, unsure whether he has what it takes to be the good officer he hoped to be.
Opening: The story opens with Det. Bob Stoughton saving the life of a boy – showing us his sense of duty and drive to do the right thing. </div>
Inciting Incident: Stoughton is assigned to investigate the apparent suicide of a professor after a visit by a mysterious Canadian named Clark. Clark is linked to a shadowy surveillance operation of U.S. subs.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Despite the overwhelming evidence pointing to suicide, Stoughton has nagging doubts. He decides to continue investigating the prof’s death, unaware of the link with Clark and the shadowy surveillance team.
First turning point at end of Act 1: A high-ranking naval officer passes top-secret plans of the new nuclear sub – Nautilus – out of Groton Naval Base and passes them onto Clark.
Mid-Point: Stoughton considers giving up on his career after he is suspended for brawling with other detectives, bungled two murder cases and his wife leaves him.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Stoughton’s world has collapsed but he finds new faith in himself after a surprise visit from the father of the boy he saved. Stoughton resolves to continue a solitary investigation of the prof’s death.
Crisis: After persisting with his investigation, Stoughton has connected the dots and is convinced it’s a murder linked to a spy ring led by Clark. But he needs more evidence and he’s on his own after the FBI tells him to leave Clark alone.
Climax: Stoughton discovers the evidence he needs to bring Clark to justice but is ambushed by Clark before he can report his findings. In a fight for his life, Stoughton overcomes Clark but barely survives.
Resolution: Stoughton reveals the truth about the Soviet spy ring and is reinstated into the police force. The professor is shown to be a loyal American.
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Day 2: Review structure and bust clichés
I’ve struggled with this assignment and am falling behind. I’ve decided to move onto the next assignment and return to this assignment when time permits.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Tell us your logline. In 1951 New York, a detective’s world spins out of control after he bungles two murder cases and is suspended by his department. He fights to redeem himself, but his investigation places him in the crosshairs of a Soviet spy ring and at odds with the FBI.<div>
<div>Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.<div>
<div>Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:</div><div>
Main Conflict: A NYC detective struggles with his demons, his department and the FBI, unsure whether he has what it takes to be the good officer he hoped to be.
Opening: The story opens with Det. Bob Stoughton saving the life of a boy – showing us his sense of duty and drive to do the right thing. </div>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Inciting Incident: Stoughton is assigned to investigate the apparent suicide of a professor who is found dead in his study after he receives a visit by a mysterious Canadian named Clark.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Stoughton thinks he’s on top of his game, but in reality, he’s caught in the “fog of war” moving forward with only hints of the dangers that lie ahead.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>First turning point at end of Act 1: A high-ranking naval officer passes top-secret plans of the new nuclear sub – Nautilus – out of Groton Naval Base and passes them onto Clark.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mid-Point: Stoughton considers giving up on his career after he is suspended for brawling with other detectives, bungled two murder cases and his wife leaves him.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Second turning point at end of Act 2: Stoughton’s world has collapsed but he finds new faith in himself from the words of the father of the boy he saved and resolves to continue a solitary investigation of the prof’s death.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Crisis: After persisting with his investigation of the prof’s death, Stoughton is convinced it’s a murder linked to the spy ring lead by Clark – but he’s on his own after the FBI tells him to leave Clark alone.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Climax: Stoughton discovers the evidence he needs to bring Clark to justice but is ambushed by Clark before he can report his findings.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Resolution: In a fight for his life, Stoughton overcomes Clark, reveals the truth about the Soviet spy ring and is reinstated into the police force.
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It took a while to edit the One-Pager. It was a challenge to condense the plot and characters to such a short space.
Title: The Nautilus File
Logline: In 1951 New York, a detective’s world spins out of control after he bungles two murder cases. Suspended, he fights to redeem himself, but his investigation places him in the crosshairs of a Soviet spy ring and at odds with the FBI.
Synopsis: The context is the Cold War, the Red Scare and McCarthyism. The story focuses on Det. Robert Stoughton – a veteran who became a cop hoping to recapture the sense of mission he felt during the war. But he has hidden wounds – PTSD, nightmares and anger issues.
The story opens with Stoughton saving the life of a boy. We see his sense of duty and drive to do the right thing. The inciting event is the death of a professor after a visit by a mysterious Canadian named Clark. Stoughton investigates. The evidence points to suicide and hints the prof was a communist. Stoughton has doubts but no evidence of a murder and no suspects.
Meanwhile, a naval officer ferrets plans of the new nuclear sub – Nautilus – out of Groton Naval Base. Clark, who heads a Soviet spy ring, is blackmailing him. The FBI are unaware Clark is stealing Nautilus secrets. They think he’s a double agent helping them obtain secret Soviet codes. But Clark is playing his own game.
Stoughton wants to continue investigating the prof’s death but is assigned to the murder of a young woman. This subplot channels themes of the main story – justice and loyalty. Based on shaky evidence, Stoughton reluctantly arrests a Polish man who fled to the U.S. to build a life for his family. Despite Stoughton’s efforts to delay a trial, the Pole is convicted and executed.
New evidence exonerates the dead Pole. But when a distraught Stoughton tries to arrest two men for the murder, he’s thwarted by his own department. The suspects are police informers and protected by senior officers. Furious at the injustice, Stoughton brawls with other officers and is suspended. With his faith in himself and his department in tatters, Stoughton goes home drunk to his furious wife. He discovers she has been having an affair. The marriage over, Stoughton moves into a tiny apartment where he spirals into depression. That’s when the dad of the boy he saved turns up at his door. The dad’s words restore Stoughton’s faith in himself.
He cleans himself up and resumes the investigation into the prof’s death. He finds a hidden list of names and notes in code. These lead him to the spy ring and Clark. The FBI intervenes and orders Stoughton to leave Clark alone. But Stoughton persists. He discovers Clark’s link to the stolen Nautilus plans and evidence that Clark killed the prof. Before Stoughton can bring Clark to justice, Clark ambushes him. The pair fight. Stoughton overcomes Clark but barely survives.
In the epilogue, Stoughton leads the FBI to the traitorous naval officer. The dead prof is cleared of any hint of being a traitor. The conviction of the Polish man is overturned, and his family is granted citizenship. Stoughton’s dedication to his country and to uncovering the truth is rewarded when he is reinstated into the police force with the knowledge that he is the good man he hoped to be and has found his mission.
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Name: Rachel Morgan
What I’ve learned from this assignment: It helped me clarify my protagonist’s goals.
Screenplay Title: The Nautilus File
Logline: In 1951 New York, a disgraced detective fights to restore his reputation but finds himself caught between the FBI and a Soviet spy ring intent on stealing America’s nuclear sub secrets.
Synopsis: The context is the Cold War and McCarthyism. The U.S. is developing its first nuclear sub and a Soviet spy ring is trying to steal its secrets. The story focuses on Detective Robert Stoughton. Stoughton is a veteran who returned to civilian life hoping to recapture the sense of mission he felt during the war. To this end, he has become a cop so he can help ordinary people. But he has hidden wounds – PTSD that results in nightmares and anger issues.
The story opens with an off-duty Stoughton risking his own safety to rush a badly injured boy to hospital on his motorcycle. He won’t learn the fate of the boy until later. Back on duty, he is called to investigate the death of a prominent professor, unaware that he is being drawn into a cat and mouse game between the spy ring and the FBI.
The professor’s death is ruled a suicide. We will learn later that the head of the Soviet spy ring, a Canadian, killed the professor. We will also learn that a naval officer is slipping secret documents to the Canadian. Loyalty is an important subtext.
Another murder, this time of a young woman, finds Stoughton assessing the guilt of a Polish immigrant. The evidence is circumstantial, but despite Stoughton’s attempts to delay a trial, the Polish immigrant is tarred as a communist and executed.
New evidence comes to light exonerating the Polish immigrant. The newspapers ridicule the police for sending the wrong man to the chair. Stoughton finds himself at odds with his boss and other officers. Tempers flare and Stoughton is suspended. Fed up with Stoughton’s anger issues, his wife leaves him for another man.
New evidence also makes Stoughton question his judgment in the case of the dead professor. Tortured by his failures in two cases, the loss of his wife and job, he hits bottom. That’s when the father of the boy he rushed to hospital shows up. The dad tells him his son would have died if Stoughton had not acted decisively. His kindness help Stoughton find the spark to start fresh.
Stoughton retraces his investigation of the prof’s murder. He follows clues that lead him to the Canadian who heads the spy ring. The FBI, who don’t know the Canadian is playing them for fools, warn him off, telling him he will wreck their operation. But Stoughton is determined to bring the Canadian to justice. The story reaches a climax as Stoughton, armed with the evidence of murder and the full details of the espionage plot, is ambushed by the Canadian before he can report his findings. Stoughton fights for his life and barely survives. His heroic dedication to his country and to the truth is rewarded when he is reinstated into the police force with the knowledge that he is the man he hoped to be and has found his mission.
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1. Name? Rachel Morgan
2. How many scripts you’ve written? Two
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to improve my writing, strengthen characters and improve the structure of my scripts.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’m Canadian but was born in Venezuela, which means about half the time I board a plane or cross the border into the U.S. I get the full security check. Just have to bite my tongue and not ask the security agent whether the full body pat-down was good for her, too.
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1. Rachel Morgan
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
3. GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi Marina,
This assignment challenged me, too. For one thing, I’m not sure I understood what was meant by “beat”. Is it an individual scene or something broader, such as the inciting incident, the call to action or a turning point.
In reading other students’ work, I’m also finding it difficult to fully appreciate the changes designed to elevate the beat. I felt it would have been helpful to be able to read the “before” and “after” versions. But that would take an inordinate amount of time – more time than the assignment specified.
I’m probably overthinking this assignment. Hal clearly didn’t expect us to spend a week working on one assignment.
Having said that, I’m finding this course helpful in rethinking much of my own screenplay. So, even though I’m way behind, I’m going to continue soldiering on. Best of luck to all of us.
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Hi Marina,
I think the first version holds together better than the revised version(s). It seems far fetched that Sarah and Omar would have known each other as children. The scenes seem less connected and it’s harder to follow the story. I sense you put a lot of work into that earlier version and it works for me – a gripping tale of espionage, betrayal and dashed hopes.
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Hi Marina,
I like this story. It’s Jason Bourne meets George Smiley. It’s such a complicated story that condensing it into a one-page synopsis is extremely difficult without cutting important characters and plot twists. I like the many shades of grey among the characters. And I like the European ending. Dorothy can’t return to Kansas.
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Did I mention that I definitely want to see your movie on the big screen. 🙂
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Hi Marina,
Your words of advise are encouraging. Thanks.
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Hi Marina,
I’m new at this, too. In reading the Day 1 Supplement, it seems we’re to assess each other’s Day 1 Assignment. It looks like the goal is to determine whether our logline and one-page synopsis meet Hal’s criteria. Until we hear otherwise, I propose that we read each other’s assignment and post our thoughts on whether we achieved that goal. Sound OK to you?
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Hi Marina,
Your story sounds intriguing. I like the complexity of the plot, the depth of the characters and the socio-political themes you explore. Would you be interested in partnering on this project? By way of background, I’m a former journalist living in Canada.