[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Horror Outline Version 3

What I learned: How to organize my outline more efficiently and clarify areas of confusion. I reworked the script to begin with a spooky exploration of the ominous brick building and changed Estrella’s character “type.” Need feedback on how to cut between two locations continuously without retyping the slugline (if that is possible). See 11-21. How can I elevate the horror throughout?

LOGLINE: When a group of misfit transients seek refuge in an abandoned building, they must fight for survival against the horrifying creations of a deranged surgeon.

1. EXT. BRICK BUILDING – MORNING

Apprehension: ESTRELLA peers through a basement window and catches DR. ZAGAN in the midst of a morbid surgery. Surprise: the patient, MEDUSA, opens her eyes and sees Estrella. Fear/panic: Estrella takes off and runs through the woods.

2. EXT. WOODS – CONTINUOUS

Suspense: Estrella is running, constantly looking behind her, stumbling over branches, leaping over logs. Shock: When she falls into a pit in the ground, hits her head, and is knocked out. Release: Cut to…

3. EXT. WOODS – DAY

A transient band of misfits, five twenty-somethings, are walking through the woods (intro ZINNIA, PIP, OLIVER, RYAN, AND WILL). Suspense: Zinnia hears Estrella whimpering and follows the sound. Apprehension: The others proceed behind her.

4. INT./EXT. PIT – CONTINUOUS

Release: Rescuing the injured Estrella.

5. EXT. WOODS – CONTINUOUS

Suspense: Storm clouds roll in forcing the six of them towards the brick building.

6. EXT. BRICK BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

Pip knocks on the door. Suspense: Strange birds scream in the distance, thunder and lightning, pouring down rain. No answer. Apprehension: The door is unlocked. The group enters. Release: Safe for now.

7. INT. BRICK BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

Anxiety: Disturbing imagery/graphics on the walls as the group takes in their surroundings. Surprise: Jump scare. Ryan finds an elevator.

8. INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

Apprehension: The group enters and chooses the spooky: TUNNELS button. Fear: It’s not a smooth ride down. The elevator is old and clunky. Release: doors open and nothing terrifying appears.

9. INT. TUNNEL ENTRANCES – CONTINUOUS

Suspense: With multiple tunnel options, they split into groups of two and choose one to explore. Dread: Estrella is sure she knows where one leads. She is looking for her sister. Ryan goes with her. Pip and Zinnia stick together. Oliver is forced to pair with Will.

10. INT. TUNNEL 1 – CONTINUOUS

Follow Ryan and Estrella exploration/conversation. Anxiety: tunnels lead to more tunnels.

11. INT. TUNNEL 2 – LATER

Suspense: Pip and Zinnia find a romantic pool of water. They strip and jump in.

12. INT. TUNNEL 3 – SAME TIME

Will and Oliver find a room of sand.

13. INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Pip and Zinnia making out. Suspense: Something they don’t notice swimming underneath them.

14. INT. TUNNEL 3 – SAME TIME

Will is building a sand castle. Oliver explores the room. Suspense: Something they don’t notice moving beneath the sand.

15. INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Surprise: Something pulls Pip underwater.

16. INT. TUNNEL 3 – SAME TIME

Surprise: Oliver notices the movement beneath the sand and calls for Will to run with him to an escape ladder.

17. INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Shock: Pip surfaces, bleeding from a leg wound. Dread: Something circles them underwater.

18. INT. TUNNEL 3 – SAME TIME

Shock: Kamaitachi (sickle-limbed weasel) bursts through the sand. Panic: Running towards the escape ladder.

19: INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Dread: SIREN surfaces. Horror: Pip and Zinnia fight her.

20: INT. TUNNEL 3 – SAME TIME

Suspense: Oliver makes it to the ladder, but Will is too slow. Anguish: The Kamaitachi shreds Will with its sickle limbs as he cries out for Oliver’s help. Horror: Oliver climbs the ladder, leaving Will behind.

21: INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Horror: Pip and Zinnia fighting Siren. Release: They realize she breathes air and drown her.

22. INT. TUNNEL 1 – LATER

Apprehension: Ryan and Estrella see someone coming towards them. Suspense: Estrella thinks it’s her sister and calls out, “Gabriella?” Surprise: It’s Medusa, the patient from earlier. Release: Estrella runs to her and hugs her. Dread: Medusa says she will “Get them out of here.”

23. INT. TUNNEL 2 – LATER

Release: Pip and Zinnia are breathing heavily on the edge of the water. Suspense: Siren is floating face down and her body spasms.

24. INT. OPERATING ROOM – LATER

Fear: Medusa showing Estrella and Ryan images of Dr. Zagan’s surgical successes. She tells Ryan to lie down on the operating table. Panic: He and Estrella run to the door, but it is locked. Shock: She removes the scarf from her head to reveal half a dozen snakes. They snap at Ryan forcing him to the table. Dread: He is strapped in.

25. INT. TUNNEL 2 – SAME TIME

Shock: Siren coughs up water and shrieks. Panic: Pip and Zinnia grab their clothes and run as she claws at the shoreline.

26. INT. OPERATING ROOM – SAME TIME

Reveal: Dr. Zagan scrubs in. Medusa preps to assist. Panic: Ryan bargains for his body as the anesthesia is administered. Anguish: Estrella is in restraints across the room. She tries to reason with her sister, who is Gabriella reborn as Medusa.

27. INT. TUNNEL ENTRANCES – LATER

Release: Pip and Zinnia are safe. Apprehension: Exhausted, fighting the urge to sleep.

28. EXT. BRICK BUILDING ROOFTOP – NIGHT

Release: Oliver has climbed to the top of the escape ladder. Anguish: He cries over his betrayal of Will.

29. INT. TUNNEL ENTRANCES – LATER

Anxiety: Pip and Zinnia are asleep.

30. EXT. ROOF OF THE BUILDING – SAME TIME

Anguish: Oliver has fallen asleep with his head in his hands. Surprise: Dr. Zagan flies onto the roof. Fear: Oliver wakes and faces the monster. Panic: Oliver steps backwards towards the edge of the building, though Zagan warns him.

31. EXT. BUILDING ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS

Dread: Oliver has fallen to the ground, though he isn’t dead. Horror: dozens of harpies pick him apart while Zagan looks on and Oliver screams.

32. INT. TUNNEL ENTRANCES – SAME TIME

Shock: Pip and Zinnia wake to the sound of Oliver’s screams, until Horror: The sound stops. Apprehension: Everything is quiet, until they hear the sound of Estrella’s whimpering. Dread: They follow the sound.

33. INT. OPERATING ROOM – LATER

Surprise: Pip and Zinnia burst into the room. Anxiety: Ryan is on the table with bandages on his head. Estrella is restrained in a chair across the room. Release: Pip and Zinnia literally release them. Suspense: the four exit the room into the unknown.

34. INT. TUNNEL ENTRANCES – CONTINUOUS

Suspense: The four navigate their way back to the elevator, but they are met by… Shock: Cerberus. Horror: They fight their way through the three-headed beast. Anguish: Pip is ravaged. Hysteria: Zinnia will not leave Pip, must be dragged away.

35. INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

Fear: Doors close as Cerberus lunges at them. Dread: Cerberus smashing at the door as they wait for the elevator to move. Release: Elevator takes them up.

36. INT. BRICK BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

Suspense: The remaining three exit the elevator into the room they originally entered through. Fear: They run to the door.

37. EXT BRICK BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

Release: They exit. Horror: They run past Oliver’s dead body and the harpies come for them.

38. INT. WOODS – CONTINUOUS

Release: It looks like they are going to make it until Shock: Zagan swoops down on wings and slashes Zinnia’s throat. Hysteria: Ryan stops, paralyzed before Zagan. Release: Estrella escapes. Suspense: Zagan convinces Ryan to come back to the building.

END

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

What I learned: This seemed like something we had already done, so I was confused at first. I realized it was the combination of a lot of things we had already done and just let it flow.

ACT 1 (Opening Scene)

EXT. DAY – ABANDONED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Horror Situation – Spooked – doing something forbidden. Estrella is peering through a window and sees the Doctor performing a morbid surgery.

Sequence the horror emotions – Apprehension, Surprise, Fear, and Panic.

Apprehension: Estrella sneaks up to an exterior window and peers in. She is clearly nervous. She knows she shouldn’t be there (scare). Her tension eases when she realizes she has a great view and no one can see her (release).

Surprise: Estrella sees a woman on an operating table. Her mouth is held open and the procedure seems to be dental. The Doctor steps back, admiring his work. Medusa takes her forked tongue and touches it to her new fangs. There is a swirling mass of snakes atop her head. Medusa’s snake-like eyes open and dart in Estrella’s direction (scare).

Fear: Estrella stumbles backwards, startled (release). She goes back to the window, but the room is empty (scare).

Panic: Estrella takes off running through the woods. She is dodging branches and leaping logs. She jumps and lands on…. Nothing, crashing through twigs and branches into a deep dirt hole. She hits the ground on her ankle hard and cries out, but stifles it with her hand. She can hear the voices of the Doctor and Medusa as they search for her. She waits quietly until she can no longer hear them (release).

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!

What I learned: Building in the release is so important. I think about it with horrors I have watched, and you can’t just keep going horror after horror, there needs to be a break.

INT. SAME – SAND PIT

Will and Olly find their tunnel ending in ever more sand until they are atop a pile of it.

“Look at these cute little prints,” Will says. Something skitters on their periphery (Startling).

Will is panicked, he can’t stop talking (emotional).

Olly scouts a ladder on the wall and makes his way there. Will is beside himself, and doesn’t notice what Olly is doing. The Kamaitachi bursts through the sand and cuts Will limb from limb (shocking).

Olly escapes to the sound of Will’s screams, keeps climbing the ladder until he reaches the top of the building (release). He looks around, feeling safe for the moment.

When Olly turns around, the Doctor is there (creepy).

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned: My third act is a little thin. I think this is a common issue with my writing.

INT. NIGHT – LAST ROOM BEFORE EXIT

Zinnia hears Pip’s screams as Cerberus rips them apart. She is paralyzed, watching in horror (anguish).

Ryan slams the door, just as Cerberus finishes Pip off and is headed for the rest of them. Zinnia protests, they need to go back for Pip (panic). She claws at Ryan, who holds her back from opening the door. They are fighting each other.

Ryan catches the edge of a hole in the floor and falls. He is hanging by his hands, desperate for one of them to help him back up. Zinnia runs to the door and opens it. She sees Pip’s mangled, lifeless body (horror).

Cerberus rushes through, into the hole in the floor and falls to the basement. The three headed dog is unharmed, working hard at climbing his way back up, gnashing at Ryan’s heels.

Ryan is screaming for one of them to help him. Estrella tries, but needs Zinnia’s help.

The three make it to the exit and Zinnia is laughing hysterically.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned: The horror can always be kicked up a notch!

INT. CONTINUOUS – O.R.

The Doctor enters. Medusa prepares to assist him (fear).

Ryan understands what is happening now. He struggles against his restraints (suspense).

Estrella is screaming, straightjacketed in the corner of the room. Medusa suggests switching her out for Ryan. The Doctor explains the importance of having a healthy specimen for the surgery to have the greatest chance of success.

Ryan bargains for his body (dread).

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment: I love my characters. I can’t wait to see this made into a movie.

INT. LATER – CAVE LEDGE

Zinnia and Pip find themselves on a ledge at the end of the tunnel. They can see a pool of water below.

“How deep do you think it is?” Zinnia wonders. She is scanning their surroundings and looks for potential dangers in the pool (apprehension).

“It’s our only exit,” Pip says just before he jumps in.

He looks up at Zinnia, “I didn’t even hit bottom.” The water looks clean and clear, lit from below. Pip encourages her to jump.

Zinnia jumps in.

BEAT.

Zinnia notices the walls of stone surrounding the pool have bloody claw marks and disembodied fingernails stuck to them (anxiety).

Zinnia turns to Pip, something pulls them under water. The water is bloody. Zinnia searches for Pip until they surface (surprise).

Pip gasps for air and whatever grabbed him before is flitting around both of them. Zinnia can see Pip’s leg is bleeding.

The SIREN surfaces and screams (shock).

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s level 1 horror emotion scene

What I learned: Again, putting the work in on past assignments; and there are always additions to be made to take the script to the next level.

INT. LATER – CAVE LEDGE

Zinnia and Pip find themselves on a ledge at the end of their tunnel. They can see a pool of water below.

“How deep do you think it is?” Zinnia wonders. “It’s our only exit,” Pip says just before he jumps.

He looks up at Zinnia, “I didn’t even hit bottom.” The water looks clean and clear, lit from below. Zinnia jumps in.

BEAT.

Zinnia notices the walls of stone surrounding the pool have bloody claw marks and shredded fingernails attached to them.

Enter the SIREN and their fight to survive.

INT. SAME – SAND PIT

Will and Olly work their way through the tunnel. There are traces of sand and discarded human limbs/bones.

Will and Olly find their tunnel ending in ever more sand until they are atop a pile of it.

“Look at these cute little prints,” Will says. Something skitters on their periphery. Olly is silent. Will is panicked, he can’t stop talking.

Olly scouts a ladder on the wall and makes his way there. Will is beside himself, and doesn’t notice what Olly is doing. The Kamaitachi bursts through the sand and cuts him limb from limb.

Olly escapes to the sound of Will’s screams.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned: The exercises really do build on each other and make sense. Seems like a no-brainer, but it’s helping me out quite well.

Heads up: It’s 9 pages, but it is my best version yet.

ACT 1

EXT. DAY – ABANDONED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Estrella is peering through a window and sees the Doctor performing a morbid surgery; grafting animal parts to a living human.

The patient opens her eyes. She does not scream and is not afraid. She touches her tongue to her new fangs. Zoom out to see a tangle of snakes gnarled and swirling atop her head.

The patient looks Estrella straight in the eye. Estrella runs into the woods and falls into a discretely disguised pit.

EXT. DAY – WOODS

Five twenty-something friends, a transient band of misfits, are walking through the woods. Ryan spots a chain link fence, runs, and jumps it. He signals for the others to do the same.

Pip assesses the situation, decides it’s safe, and weaves their fingers together to create a foothold for the others. Pip’s partner Zinnia is first up. Will complains that it is a bad idea, and why do they have to do everything Ryan and Pip want.

Ryan makes a joke, tells Will he doesn’t have to come. Will ultimately decides to follow. Olly looks back, indicating his reluctance. He makes eye contact with Pip who drops their hands and both launch themselves over at the same time.

The group has a way of interacting together, seamlessly and with few words, which lets the audience know they have been traveling together for a while. There is a real, “Stand By Me” vibe about this crew.

The quintet keeps walking, chatting along the way. Zinnia hears Estrella’s whimpering and signals for everyone to be quiet. She follows the noise while the others proceed cautiously behind her. Ryan licks his finger and puts it into the wind, joking, “Yes, this is the way.”

The group extracts Estrella from the hole. Pip questions her, but she is shaking, rocking, unresponsive, mumbling to herself. Zinnia says they need to find her help. Will is against anything to do with this stranger.

Storm clouds roll in and force them towards a building they can see close by. Strange birds scream in the distance, like nothing any of them have ever heard.

Pip, noting concern in the group, lets everyone know it is just ravens. Will isn’t buying it. Ryan looks up and points to the birds circling high above their heads, “Looks like ravens to me.” Zinnia doesn’t care what they are, they need to get this woman inside ASAP.

Thunder and lightning, pouring down rain; the group is already soaked. Pip knocks. No answer. They try the door. Locked. Meanwhile, Olly has broken a window. Ryan jokes, “My hero.”

INT. CONTINUOUS – ABANDONED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

The group enters. They discuss theories of the property being abandoned. The floor descends below them, delivering them to the basement.

Estrella is more lucid now and says, “We shouldn’t be here.”

Ryan takes her by the hand and leads her to one of the tunnels, “Over here better?”

Olly goes to a different tunnel to scope it out. Will follows him, enraged, “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t broken that window.”

Zinnia shudders and follows Pip to the third and final tunnel entrance. Pip is optimistic, telling the others it is a puzzle to be solved, they can figure it out together.

Bars fall, enclosing each pair in their respective tunnels.

Estrella loses it and falls to the ground hugging her knees, sobbing. Ryan tries to comfort her by making a joke. Will is still yelling at Olly. Zinnia looks at Pip who gives a sharp whistle that gets everyone’s attention.

His instructions: Solve the puzzle in pairs and meet each other outside, at the broken window. There is resistance from Will and Estrella, but Zinnia soothes them and convinces them to soldier on.

INT. SAME – CONTROL ROOM

The Doctor wakes the Siren, tells Medusa to bring him Estrella and Ryan, and lets the Kamaitachi loose.

One tunnel leads to sand, another to water, another to the operating room. All of the groups will be pursued, mentally and physically tortured.

INT. LATER – CAVE LEDGE

Zinnia and Pip find themselves on a ledge at the end of their tunnel. They can see a pool of water below.

“How deep do you think it is?” Zinnia wonders. “It’s our only exit,” Pip says just before he jumps in.

He looks up at Zinnia, “I didn’t even hit bottom.” The water looks clean and clear, lit from below. Zinnia jumps in.

Enter the SIREN and their fight to survive.

INT. SAME – SAND PIT

Will and Olly find their tunnel ending in ever more sand until they are atop a pile of it.

“Look at these cute little prints,” Will says. Something skitters on their periphery. Olly is silent. Will is panicked, he can’t stop talking.

Olly scouts a ladder on the wall and makes his way there. Will is beside himself, and doesn’t notice what Olly is doing. The Kamaitachi bursts through the sand and cuts him limb from limb.

Olly escapes to the sound of Will’s screams.

INT. SAME – TUNNEL

Ryan hugs the weeping Estrella to his side, encouraging her forward. They see the woman from earlier, Medusa with her snakes covered up.

Estrella freezes, she will not take another step. Ryan is attracted to Medusa and wants to see her in bed with him. She is charming and lures him closer. She wants to show him something. She promises nothing will happen to Estrella.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

INT. LATER – OPERATING ROOM

Ryan and Estrella are tricked into the operating room, deceived by Medusa.

Medusa tells Ryan to lie on the table. He does so, believing it has to do with her kink. Estrella is shaking her head. “You want her to watch?” he asks.

Once Ryan is strapped in, Medusa takes a straight jacket to Estrella, who resists.

INT. SAME – POOL OF WATER

Pip and Zinnia are trapped in water with the SIREN. They volley with her sharp claws, teeth, and ear-piercing screams until they figure it out – she breathes air! They drown her.

INT. SAME – SAND PIT

Will is dead. Only Olly knows this. He makes haste climbing the ladder ever higher.

INT. SAME – OUTSIDE O.R.

We see more of the Doctor, as he preps to operate on Ryan. reveal the entirety of the Doctor’s face while scrubbing in.

INT. CONTINUOUS – O.R.

The Doctor enters. Medusa is the Doctor’s assistant. Ryan understands what is happening now. They begin the process of anesthetizing him.

Estrella is screaming. Medusa suggests switching her out for Ryan. The Doctor explains the importance of having a healthy specimen for the surgery to have the greatest chance of success.

INT. SAME – POOL OF WATER

Pip and Zinnia have killed the Siren. They hug and kiss in victory. A whirlpool forms and drains them through different exits.

INT. LATER – LADDER

Olly is climbing the ladder to where it ends on the roof.

INT. SAME – DRAINAGE TUNNEL ONE

Zinnia follows the sound of Estrella’s wailing.

INT. SAME – DRAINAGE TUNNEL TWO

Pip navigates the maze from where he exited the drain.

INT. LATER – O.R.

Estrella is hysterical. The Doctor is calm. He speaks to her softly as he operates on Ryan. The Doctor uses his powers of persuasion and hypnotism to soothe Estrella, and she relaxes.

EXT. LATER – ROOF OF THE BUILDING

Olly paces the roof muttering to himself, clearly distraught over his decision to abandon Will.

The Doctor flies onto the roof and lands just in front of Olly, stunned. The Doctor waits patiently for Olly to make the first move.

Olly steps backwards slowly and keeps going. The Doctor warns him.

Olly falls off the roof.

He hits the ground, but isn’t dead. Dozens of harpies swoop in and pick him apart.

MIDPOINT – THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

INT. CONTINUOUS – DRAINAGE TUNNEL ONE

Zinnia hears Olly screaming. She calls out to Estrella, who replies back. Zinnia follows the sound of her voice.

INT. SAME – DRAINAGE TUNNEL TWO

Pip hears Olly’s cries, but can’t find their way to him. Instead Pip finds a door labeled, “Recovery.” He opens it.

Ryan is here. His head is bandaged.

INT. CONTINUOUS – O.R.

Zinnia finds Estrella in the operating room, still straight-jacketed. She releases her and the two run through the maze searching for an exit. They call out to Pip and Ryan.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

INT. NIGHT – ISOLATED CHAMBER

The room is lit by the moon from a skylight overhead. It is an old classroom with writing desks, chalkboard, etc.

Pip and Ryan enter the room from different ingress points than do Zinnia and Estrella. Zinnia wields a scalpel defensively, sheltering Estrella behind her. Pip is ready with fists out. Ryan removes his bandages to reveal the new goat-like appendages grafted to his skull.

There is a momentary pause as they recognize each other, then run towards one another to embrace as a group.

The sound of metal scraping on concrete halts their celebration. On another end of the room a gate is opening. The growls of three distinctly different dogs can be heard.

Pip searches for an actual weapon and dislodges the lid from a desk. The four work their backs towards their only chance of escape, another door across the room.

Cerberus launches into the room. One head catches a hit from the desk shield. Another, a slash from the scalpel. Ryan and Estrella are essentially helpless, sheltered behind Pip and Zinnia.

They make it to their exit and attempt to close it before Cerberus can make it through. The three-headed beast gets Pip by the leg and drags them back to the other side. Pip continues beating Cerberus with the desktop shield, but they are being ripped to shreds.

It’s already too late for anyone to act on his behalf. Cerberus lunges for the door just as the last three are able to close it. The beast claws and thrashes itself against the barrier, trying to get to its prey.

INT. NIGHT – LAST ROOM BEFORE EXIT

The group walks cautiously backwards until Ryan catches the edge of the landing, teeters for a moment and catches himself. They are able to see by the tiny light of a broken window, this is the room where all of them originally entered.

The platform of their descent is still in the basement. They must hug the walls and walk along the last ledge of flooring to make it back to the window.

Cerberus continues clawing and thrashing at the door, until it breaks through! The three-headed dog falls into the open floor.

EXT. NIGHT – JUST OUTSIDE

Zinnia, Estrella, and Ryan exit through the window. Harpies scream, swooping down, pecking and clawing at them as the three run towards the woods.

The Doctor, still on the roof, takes flight. He swoops down and slashes Zinnia’s throat in one swift motion. She falls to the ground, bleeds out quickly. Estrella doesn’t stop. She dodges her previous pit-fall and makes it to the fence.

Ryan gives up, stands stupefied. The doctor speaks to him in soothing tones, convincing him to return to the compound. Ryan walks back towards the building.

Estrella jumps the fence and escapes.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Character Journey Track

What I learned: The characters show themselves, even seem to name themselves, the more you think about/interact with them. Adding these parts to my outline is taking quite some time, but it is helping to flesh out the storyline more.

The Rebel/Rule breaker (Ryan)

PROFILE

Traits: Sarcastic, joker, sexually motivated, plays by his own rules, extroverted, disrespectful.

Fears: Being alone, being a social pariah

Wants/Needs: Sex. Control. Status.

Likability/Rooting Factors: Funny and charming, but overall not a very good person. Medium likability.

Reaction under stress: deflect.

Relationship with other characters: Friendly, but trying to have sex with one of the lovers. Gets a lot of eye rolls for his behavior.

JOURNEY

Character intro: Traipsing through the woods with his band of misfits, Ryan spots a chain link fence. He approaches it and hops over. He invites his friends to do the same.

Denial: Despite having helped Estrella (Innocent) out of a man-made pit, Ryan is ok with entering the compound to escape the storm. He’s not afraid of anything.

Reaction to first horror: When the floor descends and the group finds themselves in a basement of tunnels, he pretends it is a game.

Relation to group after first horror: Ryan uses humor to lighten the mood; jokes with Estrella to come with him into the darkened tunnel for some “privacy.”

How Ryan fights back: He doesn’t realize what a dangerous situation he is in until it is too late. He will be restrained, sedated, and unable to fight back.

End point: Embracing the monster he has been turned into.

Insights: Go with the flow, give up control, accept your fate, embrace your new family.

The Innocent (Estrella)

PROFILE

Traits: Emotionally fragile, resilient to physical pain, introverted, intelligent, great at solving puzzles, honest.

Fears: Death

Wants/Needs: Emotional soothing, kindness, peace on Earth.

Likability/Rooting Factors: Highly likable. Tender spirit.

Reaction under stress: Shut down/dissociate

Relationship with the other characters: Becomes part of the group, everyone likes her/wants her to survive, needs caretaking/is a liability due to injury.

JOURNEY

Character intro: Estrella is peering through a window catching a glimpse of the Doctor’s work. She is spotted. She runs into the woods and falls into a pit.

Denial: She is non-responsive, doesn’t resist the group’s urge to enter the foreboding building.

Reaction to first horror: She lets Ryan lead her to one of the tunnels.

Relation to group after first horror: She cries and needs to be comforted.

How Estrella fights back: She screams during Ryan’s surgery. She tries to fight Cerberus with the others.

End point: She is the only one to exit the compound. She is dazed.

Insights: The ones who live are not a threat to the Doctor’s work. Estrella cannot effectively communicate what she has seen, because she is hysterical/unbelievable.

The Complainer/Obnoxious (Will)

Traits: Has to be right, hates everything, pessimistic.

Fears: Abandonment

Wants/Needs: Validation, to be heard.

Likability/Rooting Factors: Low. Highly unlikable.

Reaction under stress: Dramatize or blame others.

Relationship with other characters: They are tolerated, often the butt of a joke.

JOURNEY

Character intro: Complains about everyone following Ryan over the fence. He doesn’t want to do it, but doesn’t want to be left behind.

Denial: Again, resistive of entering the building, but doesn’t want to be left behind. It can’t be that bad if everyone else is going in.

Reaction to first horror: Will becomes enraged.

Relation to group after first horror: He blames Ryan for getting them into this mess and berates the others for following him.

How Will fights back: He clings to the others, counting on them to save him. He fights back very poorly.

End point: Will dies, because he is abandoned.

Insights: Be a team player. Don’t count on anyone else to save you.

The Introvert/Loner (Olly)

Traits: Avoidant, has his own plan, but doesn’t want to leave the group.

Fears: Doing the wrong thing/being a bad person.

Wants/Needs: To be left alone, to feel alive by themself.

Likability/Rooting factors: Medium. Not super likable.

Reaction under stress: Logical, self-serving.

Relationship with other characters: Almost professional. They give nothing away and maintain privacy at all costs. There is a feeling of drawing information out of this individual.

JOURNEY

Character intro: Oliver (Olly) is the last one over the fence. He looks back, indicating his reluctance to participate.

Denial: The situation is unbelievable.

Reaction to first horror: Of course this happened, now how do I get out of it.

Relation to group after first horror: Olly is nonplussed at being trapped with Will. Ultimately he has to make a plan, because Will is incapable.

How Olly fights back: He hides and sacrifices others to save himself.

End point: Olly jumps from the roof to escape the Doctor, but ends up picked apart by harpies.

Insights: Stand by your convictions (or at least have some convictions to stand by). Strength in numbers.

Lover 1/ The Leader (Pip)

Traits: Confident, motivated, tough, humble, extroverted

Fears: Failure

Wants/Needs: To be right, to make the right decision

Likability/Rooting factors: Highly likable by audience, medium by group

Reaction under stress: Cool, calm, collected

Relationship with other characters: Friendly, may inspire jealousy as this person is seemingly perfect.

JOURNEY

Character intro: Pip convinces the group to follow Ryan over the fence.

Denial: They have always found their way out of any jam in the past, nothing to worry about.

Reaction to first horror: It is a puzzle to be solved, simple as that.

Relation to group after first horror: Makes a plan, tells everyone where they will meet when they find their way out of the tunnels.

How Pip fights back: Hard, with everything they’ve got.

End point: Pip is killed by Cerberus.

Insights: You can’t be everything to everybody all at once. Everybody makes mistakes.

Lover 2/The Rescuer (Zinnia)

Traits: Shy/introverted, kind, strong, lives by a personal code/morals, loyal

Fears: Losing people

Wants/Needs: To feel safe and for others to be safe as well. Planetary/humanitarian justice.

Likability/Rooting factors: Highly likable, a favorite

Relationship with other characters: Friendly, liked by all, they trust her

JOURNEY

Character intro: Zinnia follows the group in a free spirited manner. She’ll go anywhere with Pip.

Denial: Justifies the scream of the harpies as ravens.

Reaction to first horror: She shudders, is visibly shaken.

Relation to group after first horror: She waits for Pip’s instructions and encourages everyone else to listen.

How Shayne fights back: Like a lion protectress, it is where she shines.

End point: Zinnia’s throat is slashed by the Doctor’s flyby, and she dies.

Insights: You can’t save everybody. Is self-sacrifice worth your life?

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned: The effort put in on the plot outline pays off and saves time plugging in other components.

Who is the monster and what is their terror?

Powers: Able to manipulate/control people through verbal reasoning, is visually terrifying (looks like the devil), can fly, has fangs and claws, is a surgical genius.

Limitations: Doesn’t leave the compound, social outcast, prefers to have his creations do the killing while he sticks to surgery, cannot be everywhere at once, is still human.

Weakness: Potentially has hollowed bones to make flight more plausible, vulnerable to manipulation if someone is able to verbally outwit him.

Plan/purpose/appetite: Obsessed with altering humans to create superior beings. May be punishing them in some aspects, performing surgeries to make the human’s image match their personality.

Demand/Reveals

Demand: Intrigue. Who is the monster and what does he do?

Reveal: The eyes and hands of a masked surgeon installing fangs in a woman’s mouth.

Demand: Curiosity. How will the band of misfits find their way out?

Reveal: The compound/maze was created by this man to trap or kill intruders.

Demand: Terror.

Reveal: Doctor wakes the Siren, tells Medusa to bring him the injured/rebel, and lets the Kamaitachi loose.

Demand: Curiosity. See more of the Doctor.

Reveal: Prepping to operate on the Rebel, reveal the entirety of Doctor’s face while scrubbing in.

Demand: Putting together the pieces.

Reveal: The choice to operate on a “healthy” subject versus the injured one.

Demand: Through conflict.

Reveal: Calm nature in dealing with the hysteria of the injured one and the pressure of the OR.

Demand: Through discovery.

Reveal: See the Doctor’s full form when he finds the Loner on the roof. Calm and collected, waits for the Loner to make his own decision.

Demand: Through characters trying to figure out the mystery.

Reveal: The Doctor lets loose Cerberus when victims are close to escaping.

Demand: Through terror.

Reveal: As victims escape, Doctor swoops down and slashes the second Lover’s throat with his claws.

Demand: Through curiosity.

Reveal: When the Rebel looks back at the compound, the Doctor uses verbal manipulation to draw him further within.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment: The time I spent on the previous lesson made this one roll a little quicker. Doing a solid job on each assignment sets up for an easier time on the next assignment.

Order of Character Deaths

1. The Complainer dies first, because they are betrayed by the Loner. The Complainer has all of their limbs severed by the Kamaitachi and bleeds out.

2. The Loner dies second, because they choose to jump from the roof of the building rather than face the Doctor. Though the fall does not kill him, the Loner is picked apart by harpies.

3. The first Lover dies, because the monster made the decision. They are surprised/blindsided. Cerberus kills this character, because they are no longer needed in the story.

4. The second Lover dies, because the monster made the decision. Their escape attempt takes them into it. The doctor kills this character himself, because they are no longer needed in the story.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment: The forums are a valuable tool, just to see how others have gone about completing the assignment when I feel a bit stuck. This one took a while, but I’m happy with the results.

ACT 1

Atmosphere of Evil established: A witness peers into a window and sees the Doctor performing a morbid surgery, grafting animal parts to a living human.

Horror Situation: Possessed. The patient opens her eyes. She does not scream and is not afraid. She touches her tongue to her new fangs. Zoom out to see a tangle of snakes gnarled and swirling atop her head.

Reaction – Escape: The witness tumbles backwards causing a commotion and is spotted by our Medusa.

Horror Situation: The witness runs into the woods, but their escape route is cut off by a fall into a ground pit.

Connect with the characters: A group of twenty-something-aged friends walk together, chatting, and we get to know them (Introvert/loner, Rebel/rule breaker, Complainer, and Lovers).

The characters are warned not to do it: They find a hole in a chain link fence and crawl through. Furthermore, they find the witness half dead in the pit and rescue him. He is delirious, telling them to turn around.

Denial of Horror: A storm is rolling in. Seeing the compound in the distance, they go to find help for the injured one and a potential warm bed for the night. We hear the scream of harpies in the distance which our characters write off as ravens.

Safety taken away: They enter the compound and the floor immediately descends.

Horror Situation: Spooky, the descent brings them to a basement full of tunnels and no way back up.

Reaction – Try to solve it: They can’t go back from whence they came, they must explore the tunnels to find a way out.

Horror Situation: Walking into a trap, as they try and figure out which way to go, metal bars fall, separating them and forcing them to explore the tunnels in limited pairs.

Reaction – Mixed: Isolated pairs = The lovers, Loner & Complainer, Rebel & Injured party. Each group will react differently, but ultimately they will need to escape/find a way out.

Monster: The nature of the beast: He lets loose a creature to greet each group at the end of their tunnel.

Horror Situation: Escape route cut off, one tunnel leads to sand, another to water, another to the operating room. All of the groups will be pursued and one will be mentally/physically tortured upon entering the operating room.

Reaction – Fight: Each group will fight to try and escape their unique situation.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated/trapped/abducted: The fight to escape.

Horror Situation: Mental/Physical torture – Rebel and Injured party tricked into the operating room, deceived by Medusa. The Injured one will be restrained while the Doctor takes the Rebel and performs a procedure to turn the Rebel into a mythical creature. The Lovers trapped in water with the Siren (vicious mermaid). The Loner and Complainer trapped in sand with the Kamaitachi (sickle-limbed weasel).

Reaction: Fight

Horror Situation: Mental/Physical torture – Operation continues. Lovers escape (kill the Siren), but are separated (water drains). The Loner has to choose to save the Complainer or save themself.

Reaction: In the operating room the reaction is to take it, they don’t have another option. When the Lovers are separated they will be in denial, trying to get back to one another. Then they will try to solve the riddle of the maze to find each other. The Loner will hide, until the Kamaitachi is dismembering the Complainer, and he has a chance to escape.

One of us killed: The Complainer by the Kamaitachi

Horror Situation: The Loner is tormented by their decision to let the Complainer die. The Injured becomes more paranoid by what it sees during the operation. The Rebel has horns grafted to his skull. The Lovers are tormented by their isolation and inability to solve the mystery of the maze.

Reaction: The Loner tries to hide/escape on his own. The Lovers try to solve it. The Injured hides within their mind.

MIDPOINT – THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Full pursuit by the killer: Until now we have only seen his hands and eyes during operations. Now we see the full demonic form he has turned himself into. He finds the Loner.

Horror Situation: The Loner has made it to the roof, but is face to face with the monster (out of the frying pan into the fire).

Reaction – Escape: The Loner jumps, hits the ground, and is picked apart by harpies.

Terrorized: One of the Lovers finds the Rebel recovering from surgery. The other finds the Injured. They try to help their friends escape.

Horror Situation: Impending doom, running into dead ends. Spooky situations hearing the cries/roars of mythical beings.

Reaction – Try to solve it: They keep going until they find each other and are a group of four, not knowing what happened to the others.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Four of them face the Cerberus (three headed dog) blocking their exit.

Horror Situation: Spooky, facing Cerberus.

Reaction – Fight

Hysteria: The melee of fighting Cerberus.

Horror Situation: Physically tortured by the three headed dog ripping them apart.

Reaction: The injured hides. The other three fight, but one of the Lovers is killed.

The thrilling escape from death: The survivors exit the building.

Horror Situation: The injured one has been a liability the whole time. The other two run, dragging them along, while harpies pursue.

Reaction – Escape

Death returns to take one more: The doctor swoops down on wings and slashes the throat of the remaining lover.

Horror Situation: Spooky, face to face with the monster.

Reaction – Escape

Resolution: The injured one escapes through the fence hole. The surgically altered Rebel turns back towards the compound.

Horror Situation: Paranoia (Injured) and Possession (Rebel).

Reaction – Try to solve it: The injured one escapes, but is delirious. No one will believe what they have seen. The Rebel isn’t sure why he is going back. He is intrigued by what the Doctor might help him become, and knows he will not be able to integrate back into society looking this way.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Horror Plot

I learned; follow the flow. The method works to draw the words to the page. Just go with it.

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of evil established: Open on an instance of the doctor performing surgery with his assistants. It is clear this is no tonsil ectomy. The human body is being grafted with animal parts.

Connect with the characters: Transients looking for a nice place to crash. We follow them on their journey through woods, etc.

The characters are warned: Witness a post op escapee? Have someone actually present to warn them? A sign posted?

Denial of Horror: Sure it’s a maze where they encounter mildly disturbing animals and they are getting lost, but it is a warm place to sleep.

Safety taken away: Separation into different areas of the compound.

Monster: The nature of the beast: Releases one of his creations with instructions to bring one of the intruders to him.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated/Trapped/Abducted: They realize they are not only separated, but being funneled towards a specific location. They regroup and some members are missing or can’t be found.

One of us killed: The group finds their friend on the operating table after their surgery ended in death.

MIDPOINT – THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Full pursuit by the killer: The doctor prefers to send his creations to work for him. We see him orchestrating the capture of each member of the transient group.

Terrorized: The doctor has set loose Harpies, Medusa, Cerberus, and Minotaur. There is no way out. The group must defend and develop an offense.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Members had regrouped to witness the gruesome dead body of their friend. They are separated again in their attempts to evade the mythological creations.

Hysteria: Individuals fight their own battles to save themselves.

The thrilling escape from death: Group members defeat their own monsters to find each other once again near a viable exit.

Death returns to take one or more: The doctor shows up to personally end this shit. He is able to take a couple lives, though not all.

Resolution: The survivor(s) stumble out, weak and bloody.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Characters for Horror

I learned; I need to pay more attention to character development. I can see the story play out from beginning to end, but the participants are vague.

Concept: A deranged surgeon using his skills to create the mythological from the living forces colleagues to aid him in his mission.

Group: A team of professionals brought together by the Doctor, forced to work for him. I love the idea of outsiders for my subgroup, the ones who stumble upon the compound.

Dying Pattern (B): The characters experience the terror and survive together, but one or two die. Maybe more than one or two. I want to merge the groups to work together. Say we have a team of three surgeons assisting the doctor and a group of five outsiders, that makes eight.

Character Identities:

Anesthesiologist – monster bait – I am taking monster bait to mean we cannot wait to see this guy die. Hubris. Lack of foresight or awareness of how his actions affect others. Will eventually get himself killed due to his attitude of being untouchable.

Lead assistant to the surgeon – leader – female trying to prove herself. She is top of her class/excellent at her work. She naturally takes the lead, because she is confident in her skills and has a good record for making the right decision.

2nd lead assistant to the surgeon – moral one – gender non-specific. Humanity and ethics in play here, perhaps the one who delivers/dissects the message, “Don’t play God.”

Introvert/loner in the outsider group – Don’t feel they belong with this band of misfits, don’t belong anywhere. Will have to become more extroverted/engaged to help their friends/survive.

Rebel/rule breaker in the outsider group – The one who gets them into trouble in the first place. “We shouldn’t go in there,” someone warns.

Complainer in the outsider group – No one listens to them, they are misunderstood/never get their way.

Lovers in the outsider group – Maybe they have a fight, separate, and find each other… Or lose each other forever.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Terrifying Monster

My monster is Doctor (name), a deranged surgeon dedicated to using his skills to create the mythological from the living.

Their Terror: The Doctor terrorizes his “employed” victims through blackmail, forcing them to perform his morbid surgeries. He terrorizes members of the group by trapping them in the compound, separating them, and evoking the primal fear of being his next experiment. His completed experiments are terrorized by their own existence, living out the pain of what he has turned them into. He pursues them through the use of his “employees,” and the monsters he has already created. The compound is designed to isolate and funnel them towards him and away from any exit. The monster causes death when a surgery goes wrong or he lashes out in a rage. Most of his victims live out a fate far worse than death. The compound makes the Doctor inescapable.

Their Mystery: Members of the group have no idea what they have stumbled upon. The mystery of the monster for them is who created these evil beasts and how they will escape. The “employees” know who the Doctor is and what his creations are. They don’t know what he will do to them if they refuse to assist him. They don’t know how to escape the compound or where these monsters are housed.

Their Fear Provoking Appearance: I am thinking grotesque/disturbing monster. In addition to forcing the “employees” to operate on his victims, the Doctor has an idea of what he would like to become. I’m thinking of large bat/dragon-like wings and devil horns. His post-op creations will also have disturbing appearances.

Their Rules: Insatiable need to create mythical beings and transform himself into the most supreme being of all. Some meditative practice or manifestation technique makes him appear to have supernatural powers. Because he is the master of the compound, he has a strict routine of body conditioning which makes him stronger than most people.

Their Mythology: Saving this for later.

What I learned doing this assignment is how much easier it is to write according to conventions and a formula. It’s like filling in the blanks. Simple.

[Rachelle Storti]

IT (2017) horror conventions

Title/Concept: IT (2017) In the summer of 1989, a group of bullied kids band together to destroy a shape-shifting monster, which disguises itself as a clown and preys on the children of Derry, their small Maine town (IMDB).

Terrorize Characters: Kids misunderstood/mistreated by adults, children going missing, each character’s greatest fear manifested into reality, psychological and physical harm, death.

Isolation: Psychological torture unique/private to each kid until they share what they’ve seen. If they are alone they are more vulnerable.

Death: Several kids missing, presumed dead, audience sees Georgie/others die.

Monster: Killer clown, cursed town.

High tension: Kids keep going missing, dodging the town bullies, terrifying visions, awful adults, threat of physical harm/death from a monster they don’t know how to protect themselves from.

Departure from reality: Fears are made physical that can harm a person. The clown can show up anywhere any time in any form, can communicate through television, and seems to be everywhere at once.

Moral Statement: Cooperation, stronger together, conquer your fears.

IT is a classic; a highly relatable horror.

My Concept (Needs a title)

Concept: A deranged surgeon forces colleagues to aid him in his mission to create mythical beings from the bodies of his victims.

Terrorize the characters: The colleagues will be terrorized potentially through blackmail, forcing them to aid the surgeon in his mission. The group which finds themselves trapped in his compound will be terrorized by the fear of being his next experiment and by happening across those he has already transformed.

Isolation: Once inside, nobody can leave. The building is like a maze so people will be separated at times.

Death: Losing patients on the table, members of the group being killed by the surgeon’s creations.

Monster/Villain: The deranged surgeon as well as the people he has transformed.

High tension: Will they escape? Will the colleagues continue to operate or will they overcome their fear of exposing the secrets held against them and quit? What mythical creations are hidden within the compound and how dangerous are they?

Departure from reality: Surgically altering humans/animals into Medusas, sirens, etc.

Moral Statement: Don’t play God. Something with the secrets of each member of the operating team akin to the seven deadly sins. Members of the group have the opportunity to reveal a moral statement as well.

What I learned doing this assignment is that when you search for “the top horror films,” a lot of them should really be categorized as thrillers. I was able to find some horrors involving surgery, which I will be able to watch as research for my idea. I WILL NOT, however, watch Human Centipede!

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle Storti. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Rachelle Storti]

I’m Rachelle AKA Chelle. I have written one feature-length script from the Thriller Genre class. I submitted it to a contest, but did not make it to second-rounders. I enjoy the horror genre and am pretty critical of movies in this area, I have high expectations. It was pretty synchronistic, a few days after I had a dream that would make a great horror movie, free class Friday showed up in my email. So, here I am. I’m a unique/strange person in general. I make playlists for each script I am writing, to listen to while I work, and inspire me.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Thriller Map Version 3

What I learned… Feedback let me see where I didn’t clearly convey what was in my head to the page. The logline needed work. It was a puzzle I had great fun with. I learned organization techniques. Interesting, both people I exchanged feedback with had a question about the same scene which caused me to write it in a different way. I had difficulty sticking to “Save the Cat!” method and satisfying feedback without an explanation of why I chose the scenes that I did. It was tough to shrink it down to four pages when a lot of the info was in the scene description. I am open to exchanging additional feedback anyone wants to.

CYN AND JULES

Logline: A forensic photographer living in L.A. must travel to her hometown and curb her addictions to unravel the mystery surrounding her mother’s death.

Scene 1: INT. AVA’S ROOM – DAY

Action: Ava Bardot (Cyn and Jules mother) is killed by an unknown villain.

Clue: She recognizes her killer.

Clue 2: The murderer leaves an empty vial of insulin behind.

Intrigue: Ava was already sick. Will anyone suspect she was murdered?

Scene 2: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING

Action: Cynthia Bardot (Cyn) is on the job photographing a crime scene.

Clue: A similar crime scene to Ava’s.

Twist: Cyn is a professional forensic photographer who abuses medications.

Scene 3: INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Action: Cyn and her male co-worker get drunk and have pornographic sex.

Betrayal: Cyn’s romantic partner was on the scene earlier, didn’t stick up for her.

Reveal: Cyn is attracted to abusive men.

Scene 4: INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – LATER

Action: Cyn is woken by a phone call from her sister Jules (Julia Bardot) letting her know their mother has died and Cyn is executor of the will.

Mystery: Why did their mother make Cyn executor of the will?

Misdirection: Jules needs Cyn to execute the will.

Scene 5: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Action: Jules gets off the phone and her boyfriend Xander comforts her.

Mystery: Who is Xander? We don’t see his face.

Clue/Misdirection: Jules works at a hospital, based on her uniform.

Intrigue: Jules is jealous of Cyn.

Scene 6: INT. BRUTAL CRIME SCENE – AFTERNOON

Action: Cyn shows up to work stumbling drunk, disrupts the crime scene, and is sent to meet with her superior.

Suspense: Will Cyn outlive her addictions long enough to be the hero?

Scene 7: INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE – LATER

Action: Cyn is given an ultimatum – go home and handle her business or lose her job.

Trust: She has people on her side if she would choose not to alienate them.

Scene 8: INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Action: Cyn getting drunk watching home movies.

Reveal: A boy in the home movies is Cyn and Jules’ brother who went missing.

Scene 8a: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – A DREAM – NIGHT

Action: Cyn dreaming (or turn this into a flashback), remembering her mother’s depression after her brother’s disappearance, discussion with police, her parents arguing and their divorce.

Misdirection: Her brother suspected runaway?

Scene 9: INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Action: Cyn wakes up passed out on the floor in front of the TV. She calls her therapist for refills of her meds so she can travel home.

Scene 10: AIRCRAFT – NIGHT

Action: Cyn flying home from LA to VT. Terrible snow storm, can’t land until runway is cleared. Cyn drinks her face off, because she thinks she’s going to die. Talk about Alex with a person sitting next to her she knows from high school.

Suspense: Will the plane crash or land safely?

Reveal: Alex cheated on Cyn while they were dating.

Scene 10a: INT. HARDWARE STORE – SAME

Action: Alex in a hardware store uniform trying to sign people up for the store credit card.

Clue: This is Alex’s scam, to get peoples’ credit info.

Clue: The name tag has another name on it.

Scene 10b: INT. HOSPITAL – SAME

Action: Jules treating patients, injecting fluids, etc.

Misdirection: Jules is a potential killer

Scene 11: INT. BURLINGTON AIRPORT – LATER

Action: Cyn, a tipsy, gets her bags and calls Jules. Where is she? Cyn can’t rent a car because she’s drunk. She takes a shuttle to a hotel.

Betrayal: Jules was supposed to pick Cyn up at the airport.

Intrigue: Is Jules telling the truth?

Suspense: Icy roads.

Scene 12: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – MORNING

Action: Cyn shows up in her 4 WD rental car. She goes right in, the door is unlocked. Because she is a forensic photographer, Cyn decides to photograph the room her mother died in.

Suspense: Cyn uncovering clues.

Misdirection: Empty vial of insulin points towards Jules, the one with access to meds.

Twist: Jules comes home from work and finds Cyn there.

Mystery: Why is their mother’s death bed still intact? Why is there an empty vial of insulin when their mother wasn’t diabetic?

Scene 12a: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – NEXT DAY

Action: Show relationship between Cyn and Jules. Give the audience a clue that Jules is a Red Herring.

Scene 13: INT. GENE’S HOUSE – LATER

Action: Cyn is looking for her dad Gene, but he’s not home. She meets her step-mother Carly for the first time.

Twist: Cyn wants to hate Carly but likes her.

Trust: Cyn is drawn in by Carly’s professionalism.

Clue: Photo on Carly’s desk. Similarities between missing brother and dead son.

Clue: Cyn thinks she recognizes Carly from when she was a kid. A birthday party?

Intrigue: Carly says she’s never met her before.

Scene 14: INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – LATER

Action: Cyn executes her mother’s will.

Betrayal: Cyn didn’t need to come home for the will.

Twist: Instead of a grand inheritance, Cyn receives a letter from her mother.

Reveal: What does Mom say in the letter?

Scene 15: INT. SHITTY DIVE BAR – NIGHT

Action: Cyn finds Alex to party with.

Mystery: Cyn still meets up with Alex when she has a rocky history with him?

Trust: Cyn meets up with her old flame Alex getting exactly what she expected from him.

Intrigue: She doesn’t tell Alex how little her mother left her.

Scene 15a: INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – LATER

Action: Cyn and Alex have sex.

Reveal: Credit cards with different names on them.

Misdirection: Alex doesn’t need Cyn’s money, because he’s doing well on his own.

Reveal: STD Alex gave Cyn in high school.

Scene 16: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – DAY

Action: Cyn has a gun, she doesn’t know where she got it from.

Intrigue: Is this part of the villain’s broader plan?

Clue: Empty vial of insulin on her nightstand; she didn’t put it there.

Scene 17: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Action: Jules is making herself breakfast. Cyn confronts her with an empty vial of insulin, suspecting she used it to kill their mother.

Suspense: Cyn thinks Jules will use the cooking knife against her.

Twist: Jules had no motive to murder their mother.

Reveal: Jules already got her inheritance, a lot more than Cyn.

Reveal: Their mother’s past Cyn didn’t know about. Jewelry in the safe.

Mystery: Who/where is Xander, the only other person with access and motive to murder their mother?

Scene 18: EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Action: Cyn and Jules try and get the police to investigate their mother’s murder.

Betrayal: Alex spying on Cyn and Jules.

Suspense: What does he have to do with this? Who did he call?

Scene 18a: INT. GENE’S HOUSE – DAY

Action: Cyn goes to her father’s house. He’s not there. She chats with Carly.

Twist: Cyn turns down meds.

Trust: Cyn giving up secrets to her step-mother.

Suspense: Cyn is afraid, because she doesn’t know who or where Xander is.

Reveal: Police don’t know who Xander is – he doesn’t exist on paper.

Intrigue: Carly gives her a prescription note in case Cyn decides she needs it.

Mystery: Where is her father?

Scene 18b: INT. PHARMACY – LATER

Action: Cyn drops of prescription, just in case.

Scene 19: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Action: Jules is gone. Cyn tries not to drink. Alex comes over and drugs her.

Intrigue: Where is Jules? Did she go somewhere with Xander?

Clue: Picture of Cyn’s parents with her step-mother when they were all teenagers. Printed on the back reads “Ava, Gene, and Tracy (Carly by a different name).”

Misdirection: Alex says she didn’t get the gun from him.

Betrayal: Alex drugs Cyn.

Betrayal: Carly knew her parents. She changed her name?

Scene 20: EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

Action: Alex dragging a passed out Cyn and rolling her over the bank outside her mother’s house.

Suspense: Is she dead?

Scene 20a: EXT. WOODS – LATER

Action: Jules follows drag/roll marks to find Cyn.

Trust: Jules saved her from hypothermia.

Intrigue: Jules passes Xander’s vehicle leaving just as she is getting home.

Suspense: Drag/roll marks.

Mystery: Alex drugged and dropped Cyn, but he leaves in the vehicle Jules believes belongs to Xander.

Scene 21: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – MORNING

Action: Cyn wakes up, Jules is there. They talk about where Jules went and what happened to Cyn.

Reveal: Jules went to get an abortion.

Reveal: They figure out Xander and Alex are the same person – they’ve simultaneously been dating him.

Mystery: Why was he dating both of them? What do they have that he wants?

Scene 21a: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – NEXT DAY

Action: Cyn checks her messages and has one from the pharmacy.

Clue: Problem with prescriber’s DEA registration number.

Mystery: Is Carly hiding more than Cyn realizes?

Trust: Conversation with Jules

Scene 22: INT. GENE’S HOUSE – LATER

Action: Jules is looking for her father. No one is home. She uses her key to get in.

Twist: She finds her father’s dead body.

Suspense: Carly is a killer.

Scene 23: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Action: Jules rushes home. She enters quietly and finds Alex/Xander in the room with Cyn. There is a confrontation.

Twist: The safe is empty.

Suspense: How will Jules save Cyn?

Scene 24: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Action: Jules surprises Alex and restrains him. Cyn is feeling better, but still not top notch. Carly shows up.

Clue: Carly wearing jewelry from the safe.

Betrayal: Cyn told Carly her secrets. Now she’s here.

Intrigue: Carly has a key.

Mystery: Did Carly murder Ava?

Twist: Cyn shoots Carly

Misdirection: Jules hides in an attempt to surprise Carly.

Scene 25: INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Intrigue: Carly and Alex are aliases. They don’t legally exist.

Twist: Cyn and Jules are victorious over Carly and Alex.

Suspense: Will they get away with it?

Reveal: Oxygen tanks blow.

[Rachelle Storti]

I accidentally posted too soon here. I will post again when I finish exchanging feedback.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Rachelle Storti.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned… It’s all there and hopefully the elements are easy to see. Some clarification is still necessary for certain parts. I wasn’t quite sure how to label the scenes to make them absolutely clear – who’s house versus a specific room, etc. Do I say “Mom’s house” or give their mother a name?

INT. AVA’S ROOM – DAY

Ava is napping in a hospital bed in her own bedroom. She is on oxygen and hooked up to an IV. The door opens. A needle injects something into her arm and she wakes. Her eyes are wide open now, looking at the mystery medical attendant. She tries to say something, but has a seizure. Someone exits the room, dropping a glass vial on the floor as they leave. Ava is still.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING

Cyn is photographing a crime scene similar to the one we’ve just witnessed except the victim is a young man. She is professional, documenting the body and elements of the room with care. There are two detectives and a few officers waiting for her to finish.

On her way to exit the room she asks one of the detectives, “Why do they think he was murdered?” The detective gives a condescending chuckle and points under the bed. “Think you missed something sweetheart?” Cyn’s face flushes. She goes to check, and photographs an empty vial of Morphine.

She can’t get out of the room quick enough as the detective calls after her, “Not part of his regimen darlin.”

Cyn walks quickly through the corridors of the hospital until she finds a private bathroom to duck into. She pulls a prescription bottle from her pocket, crushes a pill, and snorts it.

INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

There is a knock at the door. It is one of the officers who was present earlier, but did not stick up for her. He gives her a hard time about not standing up for herself. They drink together and have pornographic sex.

INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – LATER

Cyn is startled awake by a phone call. She notes the empty spot beside her and answers. “Christ Jules, it’s 4 a.m.” Jules tells her that their mother has passed and Cyn needs to come home to execute the will. “I’ll see what I can do.” Jules is furious at her lack of concern.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Jules is at home, the same home we saw earlier in which Ava died. She has on a uniform that shows she works at a hospital. Her boyfriend Xander is there, brings her a cup of coffee, and dries her eyes. We don’t see his face.

INT. BRUTAL CRIME SCENE – AFTERNOON

Cyn is stumbling drunk. She slips and falls in blood while taking photos. The lead detective tells her to clean up and be in the boss’s office in one hour. She shows up in the same condition as when she left the crime scene. She didn’t have time to clean up, because she uses public transportation.

She is on forced leave with an ultimatum – go home and handle her business or lose her job.

INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

She is drinking alone and watching home movies. There is young Cyn, Jules, and their brother Cody.

INT. CYN’S APARTMENT – MORNING

She is passed out on the floor in front of the TV. She calls her therapist and asks for a refill on her medication since she will be traveling for an undetermined amount of time.

INT. SMALL AIRCRAFT – NIGHT

Cyn is up in the air circling Burlington International, waiting to land in the worst snow storm of the decade.

INT. JULE’S CAR – LATER

Cyn is drunk. Jules scolds her the entire ride back to Ava’s house.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – MORNING

Cyn wakes up in her old room. She ventures into their mother’s room, still intact with a hospital bed, I.V. bags, and meds all around. She checks the meds for anything she might like to have. She photographs the scene while smoking a butt. Jules catches her, slaps the cigarette out of her hand, “There are oxygen tanks in here!!”

Jules leaves and Cyn continues photographing, being sure to check under the bed. She finds an empty vial of insulin.

INT. GENE’S HOUSE – LATER

Cyn shows up at her father’s house. He’s not home, but she meets her step-mother, Carly, for the first time. She tries to hate her, but ends up liking her. Carly is polished, professional, and perfect. Everything Cyn is not.

Carly invites her to sit in her office while she waits for the next client. They banter. Cyn notices a picture of a boy about ten years old on her desk and asks about it. He died in an explosion – gas leak. Cyn had a brother who went missing around the same time as her son. They connect through this common ground.

INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – LATER

Cyn goes over the will. The only thing her mother left her was $10,000 and a letter. In the letter her mother tells her she used the will to get Cyn to come home, because she knew Jules would need her. She says the reason her and Cyn’s father got divorced is because he cheated. She’s kept it a secret all these years.

INT. SHITTY DIVE BAR – NIGHT

Cyn is looking for Alex and finds him. He’s surprised to see her. They go out into the freezing alley to smoke a cigarette. She asks him if he’s still got connections and whips out some hundreds. He smiles and kisses her. Party montage.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – DAY

Cyn wakes up in her own bed; hungover, surprised and relieved. She has a gun and can’t remember where she got it. Cyn looks through her phone for evidence from the previous night. Nothing telling. It must have come from Alex.

The empty vial of insulin sits on her nightstand. Did she put it there? She thought she left it in her mother’s room. She picks it up. Puts the gun in her pocket. She leaves her room to look for Jules.

She moves around the house slowly. Jules is in the kitchen making herself lunch. Cyn sets the empty vial next to her sister. Jules is confused. What’s this?

Jules reaches for a knife to use purely for cooking purposes. Cyn jumps back and pulls out the gun. Now Jules is the one who is jumping. She drops the knife and puts her hands up.

Cyn breaks down the crime scene. Obviously Jules killed their mother prematurely, attempting to cash in on her inheritance. Problem is, Jules wasn’t counting on their mother to leave it all to Cyn.

Jules corrects Cyn – she already got her inheritance. As soon as their mother was sick she transferred the house to Jules. The house is full of valuables hiding in plain sight, things their mother collected. Jules takes Cyn on a tour pointing out collectable lunchboxes, postcards, perfume bottles, first editions, vintage costume jewelry, and vinyl. If she wanted money she could have sold these things for tens of thousands of dollars.

There’s one more thing. Jules takes Cyn into the basement where there’s an antique safe. Jules opens it and there are several expensive necklaces inside.

She explains that their mother had a secret thieving past. She quit when Jules was born. She named her Jules, because she was the last precious thing she ever needed. Cyn is baffled – how’d she end up with her name?

If Jules didn’t kill their mother, who did? Xander was the only other person Jules knew who had access to the house. He must have assumed the outcome of inheritance, because Jules didn’t tell him about any of it. She didn’t think it was important.

Now Jules is scared. She knows very little about him, not even where he lives. Cyn puts the gun in the safe and they take their evidence to the police.

EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

It’s gotten late. Cyn and Jules are outside the police station. The door is locked and they can’t see anyone inside.

There is someone in a car watching them. It’s Alex, he takes out his phone and makes a call.

INT. GENE’S HOUSE – DAY

Cyn is in her stepmother’s office going over the absurdity of the previous night’s events. She was prepared to shoot her sister. What she didn’t know about her mother, a jewel thief? And this Xander, who and where is he?

Her stepmother offers to prescribe her some meds that will help her cope, but Cyn turns them down.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Cyn walks in looking for Jules, but she’s not there. She left a note saying she had to take care of something and would explain later.

She’s got to find something to distract her from drinking. She rummages through family memorabilia. She finds a picture of her mother, father, and stepmother all together. It looks like they’re teenagers here. What the hell?

The doorbell rings. It’s Alex. Cyn lets him in. He immediately tries to feed her drugs. She’s not into it.

She tells him about holding Jules at gunpoint yesterday. Alex is floored. Whoa, where’d you get a gun? She thought it had come from him. The last he saw of her before they parted ways she said she was going to this other bar across the street.

How’d she get home? Alex says she was going to walk. Cyn is livid. It’s ten fucking miles from the bar to her mother’s house. He thought she would make it. She was super high, not feeling anything. Besides, she made it home didn’t she?

He tries to get her to drink or do anything with him. She won’t. She’s worried Xander might show up and she doesn’t even know what he looks like. The police are worthless, saying he doesn’t exist. They haven’t even come out to check the crime scene.

Alex again is floored. Crime scene? Come on, you said she had been sick for a long time. He asks Cyn to show him the scene. Maybe he can help.

She takes him to her mother’s room. “Don’t touch anything!” She shows him where she found the empty vial of insulin. They both walk around the room looking for new clues. Alex thinks he’s found something in the closet.

Cyn rushes over. He surprises her with a jab of narcotics to the neck.

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Cyn wakes up in jail with no recollection of how she got there. Her head is throbbing. The officer there remembers her from when she was a wild teen. Same old Cynthia Bardot.

There’s a woman who appears dead in their communal cell. She tries to get the officer to come over. They don’t bite.

They do, however, take her to a private room to ask her some questions. She came to them, looking all a mess, raving about now her sister has gone missing. What’s going on with her? First her mother was murdered and now her sister is missing?

The town is small. Everyone knows Ava was sick. Jules has been gone for like a day, and she left a note. That’s not exactly a missing person’s case. They call her father to come get her.

Back in her communal cell, Cyn discusses her predicament with the “corpse” of her cellmate.

The woman leaps to life – Alex and Xander are the same person.

EXT. POLICE STATION – EVENING

Cyn is walking with her father to his car and he’s giving her a lecture about how terrible this is for his career. Just like the old days when she was still in town.

Cyn gives him a lecture about cheating on her mother. He says it never happened.

She says she saw the picture of the three of them when they were younger. What’s going on? It’s a time when they were dishonest. They don’t talk about it anymore.

He says Ava was so deeply depressed after Cody (Cyn’s older brother) disappeared, it got to be more than he could manage.

He didn’t reconnect with Carly until years later.

Cyn asks him to drop her off at her mother’s house.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Cyn gets home, locks all the doors, checks all the windows. She goes into the basement and opens the safe. EVERYTHING is gone, including the gun she was counting on.

She turns around to see Alex at the top of the stairs – looking for this? He waves the gun playfully.

Cyn gets out her cellphone. She’ll call her dad, he was just here.

Better get to a landline. Cyn checks – no service. Alex is coming down the stairs now, gun pointed in her direction. He says it would have been better if her death had looked like an accident, but she has such a GD high tolerance, he didn’t give her enough.

He’ll just kill her and clean it up before Jules gets home so he can be Xander again. He pulls the trigger. The gun clicks, no bullets.

She runs to an alternative secret staircase – the house is old, it’s got neat passageways.

This one leads to the kitchen. Alex bolts up the other stairs trying to beat her on the opposite side.

She runs through the kitchen, grabbing the cordless phone. The knife is still where Jules let it fall. Cyn swipes it off the counter and runs with it straight into Alex. It lodges somewhere between his ribs. She lets it go and keeps running.

She runs to take shelter in her bedroom. She slams and locks the door behind her. She tries the phone. It’s dead.

Alex is kicking the door repeatedly, trying to bust through. He is hacking at it with the kitchen knife, eventually sending splinters flying.

He’s nearly inside when he stops and there is a thud. Jules pokes her head through the busted up door.

They take Alex to their mother’s hospital room and restrain him. Some joke about actively having a miscarriage while exacting revenge. She was gone having an abortion. Cyn wishes she could have just told her that!

Cyn and Jules are deciding what they should do with him when Carly comes knocking. She’s wearing the gemstones from the safe, all of them, total overkill.

Both women straight do not answer the door. They go to the basement to get the gun Alex abandoned earlier. The bullets are on the shelf close to the safe. They load the gun and wait.

Carly has a key. She lets herself in. Cyn and Jules wait and listen.

Carly’s heels click on the floor as she searches each room. When she gets to Ava’s room her heels stop. Alex is still unconscious and restrained.

Time to move. Cyn and Jules take opposite staircases to exploit the element of surprise. Carly hears the creaky old passageway and goes to the kitchen to wait. Jules opens the door slowly. Carly cracks her in the jaw with her high heel.

By now Cyn is behind her. She doesn’t wait for Carly to turn around. She shoots.

INT. AVA’S HOUSE – LATER

Carly and Alex are restrained in the same hospital bed in Ava’s room. They are both conscious now. The jewelry Carly was wearing is gone. There is some vinyl playing in the background.

Oh good, you’re awake. Just wanted you to know you’ll be blowing up to the sound of ____________. The best part is, you’re both already dead. On paper.

Blow oxygen tanks.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle Misdirects… When Appropriate!

What I learned… Much of the misdirection was already there, I just needed to label it as such. I am dying to get to the next assignment because my thriller map is a mess. It’s getting pretty rough trying to insert things in appropriate places.

1. Effective Misdirection

• Red Herring = Jules, effective, because misdirection leads Cyn to the insulin in her mother’s room which Jules would have had access to. Misdirection concerning whether or not Jules received an inheritance. Jules is keeping secrets. Cyn and Jules have a busted relationship.
• The Villain’s Plan = Alexander’s mother set this plan in motion years ago when she faked Alex’s death so he wouldn’t exist, thus making it easier to get away with everything he does. Her reason for targeting Cyn and Jules comes from her previous relationship with their mother. She may have altered her own identity to cover up this relationship. She wants to take everything she can from their mother, even after she has killed her. Effective misdirection through false identities, manipulation, and secrecy.

The cover-up for each mystery presents itself as “Reality.”

• Who killed Cyn and Jules’ mother? Reality looks like she died from her illness. Then it looks like Jules did it. Then it looks like Xander did it.
• Why did their mother make Cyn executor of will? Could be because she’s the eldest. Just to get her to come back to VT. Mom knew she would be a critical element in protecting Jules and solving the mystery of Xander and Carly.
• Why did Cyn leave in the first place? Running from her trauma. What she thought she was running from turns out to be twisted. She learns the truth behind all she thought she knew about her past. It’s much worse.
• Who is Alex/Xander? Someone who doesn’t exist as far as the police are concerned. A secret identity trusted by both sisters. Even after they think he’s the murderer, they must uncover the truth about who their step-mother is.
• Who is Carly? Their mother’s previous associate, covered up by them never having heard about her before. She inserts herself into the family as someone to be trusted, even admired. It’s all part of her manipulation to get what she really wants, what she thinks their mother owes her.

2. Added Misdirection:

• Clue Misdirection – Empty vial of insulin Cyn assumes Jules used to kill their mother.
• Clue Misdirection – Photo of boy on Carly’s desk, she says he died, but he is the adult Alexander.
• Character Misdirection – Cyn confronts her father about the affair after reading the letter her mother left her. He tells her it’s not true. She doesn’t believe him.
• Character Misdirection – Jules presented as needing Cyn for something having to do with their mother’s will, but Jules already got her inheritance, much more than what was left to Cyn.
• Dialogue Misdirection – Jules tells Cyn she can’t smoke in her mom’s room because of the oxygen tanks. They’ll use this to their advantage later on.
• Dialogue Misdirection – Maybe a phone call between Cyn and Jules where it’s breaking up? A line that was misunderstood?

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle Gives Great Clues!

What I learned… I had hardly any clues sprinkled into the early parts of the story and had ‘villain monologue’ placeholders at the end of my story – which I don’t much like in movies! My thriller map is very long, so I’m not going to post that now (I don’t want to clog up the forum with 15 pages of notes). So stay tuned for when I’ve whittled it down. I have a new ending and some additional exciting developments.

Main Mysteries w/clues for each:

1. Who killed Cyn and Jules’ mother? (End Result: Step-mother, Alexander’s mother, and their mother’s old partner in crime)

• Jules doesn’t like the step-mother but Cyn does.
• She had an affair with their father, the real reason their parents got divorced.
• She had a son who died (picture on her desk)
• She appears untrustworthy through her secret phone calls.
• Step-mother knew their mother. They were associates.

2. Why did their mother make Cyn executor of the will? (End Result: To get Cyn to come home and take care of things).

• Letter to Cyn explaining why.
• Jules already got her inheritance.

3. Why did Cyn leave in the first place? (End Result: Because she was running from her trauma).

• Brother’s tragic death
• Parent’s divorce
• Alex
• Addiction

4. Who is Alex/Xander? (End Result: The son of Carly – Cyn and Jule’s step-mother. He is dating both women – Xander to Jules and Alex to Cyn).

• Picture on Carly’s desk
• Nobody has seen him in the same room at the same time with these women.
• He spies on the sisters at the police station
• He confronts Cyn at Jules’ house with the gun she had locked in the safe (only Xander knew the combination).
• He makes his living off credit card scams.
• He loses his temper when Cyn connects the dots

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned: My map definitely needed updating, as the story has continued to morph. I ended up printing it out to identify where reveals could be inserted, which helped me create a long list (I didn’t think I had that many). I had been down on myself about the beginning feeling slow, but recognizing the subtle reveals I had there made it more interesting. This was a really fun assignment.

List of important reveals, sequenced w/ elements:

The sick/dying woman knew her killer.

Covered up by the fact that she was already sick/dying.

Mystery – who had access to her house and the drugs that killed her?

Intrigue – what reason did someone have to do this?

Suspense – figuring out who the killer is puts our hero in danger.

We are tipped off by the mother’s interaction with murderer. Truth revealed at the end when we find out it was the step-mother all along.

The sick/dying woman was Cyn’s mother and made her executor of the will.

Cover-up – Mom knew some things Cyn doesn’t yet.

Mystery – why include Cyn at all when she is irresponsible and purposefully moved 3000 miles away from home?

Intrigue – our villain wonders the same thing, must alter their plan to include Cyn.

Suspense – Cyn being left anything puts her in danger.

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets with the lawyer and Cyn reads the letter her mother left her.

Cyn has a drug problem.

Cover-up – She hides it well. She is prescribed the medicine she abuses.

Mystery – How will this affect her job and participation in the story?

Intrigue – This makes it easier for the villain to take advantage of her.

Suspense – She may kill herself before the villain gets a chance to.

Truth is revealed when she ducks into the bathroom on a crime scene to take her medicine.

Cyn is attracted to abusive men.

Cover-up – One of the officers on the crime scene is her lover, but doesn’t stick up for her.

Mystery – How will this play out in her relationships with other men in the story?

Intrigue – This makes it easier for the villain to take advantage of her.

Suspense – How can she be the hero when she doesn’t have agency over her own psyche or body?

Truth is revealed when her lover shows up, chastises her for not sticking up for herself and has abusive sex with her.

Jules is a nurse (access to meds).

Cover-up – she is the cover-up for the real killer. She’s naïve.

Mystery – Did Jules kill their mother prematurely?

Intrigue – All part of the villain’s plan to take the heat off themselves.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger staying with her sister, if her sister is a killer.

Jules is attracted to manipulators.

Cover-up – Her relationship appears too perfect but contains suggestive influence from her partner.

Mystery – Is Jules in control or not? Is she manipulative herself?

Intrigue – The villain counts on her being easy to use.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger if she can’t trust her sister to think for herself.

Cyn and Jules are sisters with a tumultuous relationship.

Cover-up – Cyn has been gone for several years, avoiding family drama. They don’t really know each other anymore.

Mystery – Is Jules angry with Cyn for something having to do with their past, the fact that she feels abandoned, or because she needs Cyn to come home to get something out of her?

Intrigue – The villain can use their strained relationship to his advantage.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger potentially from her sister or because her sister may never become an ally.

Truth is revealed on the phone when Jules tells Cyn their mother has died, and when Jules picks Cyn up at the airport.

Cyn is an alcoholic.

Cover-up – She’s been able to stay professional and sober for the moments that really count.

Mystery – Is she going to lose her job over this?

Intrigue – Another tool the villain can use against her.

Suspense – Cyn endangers herself.

Truth is revealed when she comes to work stumbling drunk.

Cyn realizes her mother didn’t die naturally.

Cover-up – The perpetrator injected her mother with insulin, but she’s not a diabetic.

Mystery – Who? Why? Etc.

Intrigue – villain was sloppy, is that part of their plan?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger when she figures out her mother didn’t die naturally.

Truth is revealed when Cyn is taking photos of her mother’s room

Cyn is attracted to powerful, professional women.

Cover-up – We haven’t seen Cyn dazzled by anyone until now.

Mystery – Why has she bonded so deeply with this character? How will the relationship be beneficial to her?

Intrigue – What secrets will Cyn let loose that are useful to the villain?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger when she reveals her secrets to this new confidant.

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets her psychologist step-mother.

What Cyn got in the will.

Cover-up – Cyn didn’t really know what she was getting.

Mystery – What did she get?

Intrigue – This is supposed to be the big payday the villain was counting on.

Suspense – If Cyn doesn’t have anything valuable to the villain what will they do with her?

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets with the lawyer and finds out her mother left her the house with the clause that she cannot sell it for 25 years. Plus a sum of $10,000 which is a lot of money, but not a grand inheritance.

Family history.

Cover-up – Secrets her mother kept from her.

Mystery – why did she wait until she was dead to reveal these things? What will Cyn do with this new information?

Intrigue – they are also secrets from the villain or things the villain can use against her.

Suspense – Does knowing these things put Cyn in more danger?

Truth is revealed when Cyn reads the letter her mother left her with the will. Potential secrets revealed = the deal her parents made when they divorced, why her mother made her executor of her will, secrets that only Jules knows the answers to.

Cyn and Alex history.

Cover-up – Cyn uses drugs and alcohol to cope. We haven’t seen much of why she does this.

Mystery – What happened between them?

Intrigue – there is something untrustworthy about Alex, but is he the villain?

Suspense – Her relationship with him is toxic.

Truth is revealed when they reunite for a binge. Potential betrayals = he cheated on her, gave her an STD, is responsible for some familial trauma.

Cyn has a gun.

Cover-up – She wakes up with it after a blackout episode.

Mystery – Where did she get it? Does she know how to use it? What is she going to do with it?

Intrigue – Is this part of the villain’s plan?

Suspense – Does this make her safer or more vulnerable?

Truth is revealed when she realizes it must have come from Alex.

Jules also got an inheritance.

Cover-up – Jules was angry that Cyn was resistant to coming home when their mother passed. Cyn assumed it had something to do with the will.

Mystery – What did Jules get? Why was she angry?

Intrigue – If the inheritance is part of the villain’s plan, Jules must be the Red Herring.

Suspense – Cyn is in more danger if she’s up against someone other than her sister.

Truth is revealed when Cyn interrogates Jules at gunpoint.

Xander is the murderer.

Cover-up – He is Jules’ fiancé. She trusts him.

Mystery – Why would Xander kill their mother when he could have just waited for her to die?

Intrigue – Xander is the murderer.

Suspense – Now both Cyn and Jules realize they are in danger and up against someone they barely know.

Truth is revealed when sisters are reasoning out who else besides Jules had access to their mother.

Alex is untrustworthy (spying on the sisters).

Cover-up – They don’t see him.

Mystery – Why does Alex care what they do together? Is he in on this?

Intrigue – What is Alex’s relationship to the villain?

Suspense – Women in danger being surveilled.

Truth is revealed to the audience alone.

Step-mother is untrustworthy (talking on the phone after she meets with Cyn).

Cover-up – Cyn trusts her. She has appeared professional and helpful until now.

Mystery – What’s her role in all of this?

Intrigue – What is her relationship to the villain?

Suspense – Now there are potentially three people out to get Cyn and/or Jules.

Alex is interested in Cyn’s inheritance.

Cover-up – Their romantic relationship has been the focus until now.

Mystery – What would Alex stand to gain from her mother’s death?

Intrigue – Is Alex our villain?

Suspense – Cyn trusts him too much.

Truth is revealed when Alex pries into the details of what Cyn got.

Xander and Alex are the same person.

Cover-up – Cyn has never met Xander and Jules has never met Alex.

Mystery – What is Cyn going to do with this information?

Intrigue – Will Alex find out Cyn knows his secret?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger if she can’t keep her cool around him and keep him believing she is clueless.

Truth is revealed when Cyn finds something of Jules’ at his house.

Cyn’s father is A.G. of VT.

Cover-up – this is the first time we meet her father.

Mystery – How do her addictions affect his profession?

Intrigue – Can we trust him?

Suspense – Even if he’s not our villain, will he do something to jeopardize Cyn’s safety?

Truth is revealed when he bails her out of jail.

Jules is pregnant with Xander (Alex) baby.

Cover-up – Jules leaves a note for Cyn saying she needed to take care of something and she’ll explain later.

Mystery – Is she ok?

Intrigue – Did the villain get to her?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger without the only other person who knows the truth about their mother’s death.

Truth is revealed when Jules gets home and tells Cyn she left to terminate her pregnancy.

Step-mom is Alex’s mother.

Cover-up – Nobody ever sees them together or is introduced to them as such.

Mystery – Why was this hidden?

Intrigue – Who’s the real villain here?

Suspense – Will Cyn figure it out in time to save her skin?

Truth is revealed when Step-mom shows up at Jules’ house under false pretenses.

Step-mom had history w/Cyn and Jules’ mother and is the one who killed her.

Cover-up – Nobody close to them knew anything about it.

Mystery – What was their history? Why can’t she let it go?

Intrigue – Now we know who the mastermind behind the whole thing was.

Suspense – Will Cyn and Jules come out on top?

Truth is revealed when Step-mom shows her hand, classic villain monologue style.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Trust Relationships

I learned that my story isn’t as exciting as I thought it was – at least when I was going through the relationships it didn’t feel very gripping. I reworked my whole notecard board and had some dream/vision moments of more exciting elements I can add.

Main Characters

Hero: Cyn

Villain: Alex or Carly (his mother and Cyn’s step-mother)

Red Herring Character: Jules

Trusted but shouldn’t be: Alex or Carly (step-mother)

Isn’t trusted but should be: Jules and their father

Questions for each character

Cyn = Trustable, appears to be untrustable because of her alcoholism and addictions, but trustable because she is honest to a fault. She may switch from one to the other when she is triggered.

Alex = Untrustable, appears to be trustable because he is charismatic and is good at lying. He may switch from one to the other when he is trying to play too many parts at once.

Jules = Trustable, but appears to be untrustable because she has secrets she’s unwilling to reveal. She may switch from one the other when she is confronted about information she is withholding.

Carly = Untrustable, but appears to be trustable because she is professional and precise. She may switch from one to the other because she underestimates her opponents.

Dad = Trustable, but appears to be untrustable because of the grudges his family holds against him. He may switch from one to the other when he is disciplining his children vs when he is supporting them.

How trust/distrust shows up

Cyn/Alex: They dated in high school and Cyn believes she is still in love with him. He has created a persona, “Xander,” to scam their family. Cyn will have to figure out that Alex is the Xander Jules has been dating and figure out how to hold him accountable for what he’s done.

Cyn/Carly: She’s the step-mother Cyn only just met, the one she really wanted to hate, but found herself respecting and admiring. It takes her far too long to realize that Carly is Alex’s mother and the mastermind behind her family’s tragedy.

Cyn/Jules: They are estranged sisters. Cyn got to go live her life while Jules stayed behind to take care of their mother. Cyn suspects foul play in their mother’s death and implicates Jules, but finds out there is no way Jules could have done this. They end up becoming allies.

Cyn/her father: She holds a grudge against him because of his possessiveness after her parent’s divorce. He holds a high public office and ends up being the force that saves Cyn and Jules in the end.

Trust/Distrust Sequences

Cyn/Alex:

1. Distrust: Something happened in their past (not sure what yet) that Cyn can’t let go of.

2. Trust: She’s back in town and he is her source for drugs.

3. Distrust: Alex spies on her and Jules at the police station.

4. Trust: Alex is ‘there for her’ when she needs him.

5. Distrust: Cyn finds something ‘Xander’ stole from Jules at Alex’s house.

6. Trust: He makes up some lie about where the stolen item came from.

7. Distrust: Cyn wakes up in jail and remembers/figures out that Alex and Xander are the same person.

Cyn/Jules:

1. Trust: They’re sisters, they used to be close.

2. Distrust: Jules is a nurse and had access to drugs that could have killed their mother earlier than expected.

3. Trust: Jules gets on Cyn’s case about responsibility, which annoys Cyn, but she knows that it is because Jules cares about her.

4. Distrust: Jules is dating some mystery man that Cyn has never met, supposedly the only other person with access to kill their mother. Is he real or did Jules make him up?

5. Trust: Jules spills her guts at gunpoint.

6. Distrust: Jules disappears.

7. Trust: She comes back and reveals where she’s been. She helps Cyn take down the bad guys.

Cyn/Carly:

1. Distrust: Cyn has decided not to like her before she even meets her.

2. Trust: Carly is polished, professional, funny, and engaging. She earns Cyn’s trust with her psychological knowledge.

3. Distrust: Carly sometimes asks questions or baits Cyn in ways that seem unlike what a therapist would do.

4. Trust: Cyn gains self-confidence and moves towards sobriety because of the time she spends with Carly.

5. Distrust: Cyn finds out Carly is Alex’s mother.

6. Trust: That doesn’t mean she’s evil, maybe she doesn’t know what Alex has been up to.

7. Distrust: Turns out Carly had history with their mother and has been dying to get back at her for years.

Cyn/Dad:

1. Distrust: Cyn holds a grudge against him, because of how he handled the divorce with her mother.

2. Trust: He bails her out of jail.

3. Distrust: He chastises her for being in jail, bad for his career.

4. Trust: He believes whatever she tells him, because he knows she cannot lie.

5. Distrust: He married Carly, does he know more about her and Alex’s evil deeds?

6. Trust: He reveals information that helps Cyn solve the puzzle.

7. Distrust: He is not around when Cyn really needs him.

8. Trust: he comes through in the end.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Twists and Turns

What I learned… Had a new/old character pop up, Cyn and Jules’ father. Originally I didn’t have him in mind for anything special, but I may need to develop him. As far as I know, the story is laid out pretty much how I want it. I’m not sure exactly what the thriller map is supposed to look like, but I’ve figured out a way of documenting my map that works for me.

I just put a twist into every scene, whether or not it was an exciting one. I have this habit of getting <b style=””>really detailed at the beginning of my writing, going over it 100 times, but don’t put as much effort into the end of the writing. I’m going to try working the next assignment from different points in the script, working backwards or potentially starting in the middle.

• A sick woman lies in a hospital bed in her own home. Her caretaker enters (no highly identifiable clothing or features) and injects a fluid into her I.V. The woman’s eyes go wide as she dies staring at her killer. PGS 1-3

Twist: It looks like someone is entering the room to care for the sick woman, but they end up killing her.

• Cyn is photographing a crime scene similar to the one we’ve just witnessed. She’s all questions, because it doesn’t look like a murder. “Just take the pictures sweetheart, and let the big boys do the hard thinking.” When she’s finished her forensics, she ducks into the bathroom to indulge in her addiction. PGS 3-7

Twist: Cyn is professional and great at her job, but when she is triggered she reaches for a habit we don’t expect her to have.

• Cyn is at her L.A. loft when there is a knock at the door. It is one of the officers who was present earlier, but didn’t stick up for her. He gives her a hard time about not standing up for herself. They drink together and have pornographic sex. PGS 7-11

Twist: Cyn’s lover appears to be a potential ally, but reveals a pattern involving her interactions with men.

• In the morning Cyn wakes up alone. Bleary-eyed she answers a phone call from her sister Jules, “Christ, it’s 4 a.m. (time zones)” Jules tells her that their mother has passed and Cyn needs to come home to execute the will. “I’ll see what I can do.” Jules is furious at her lack of concern. PGS 11-12

Twist: Cyn wakes up to an alarming phone call, but isn’t surprised by the circumstances. Her sister is bereft and appears longing for her presence, but lashes out with verbal venom.

• Jules is at home, the same home we saw earlier in which the sick woman died. Her boyfriend Xander is there when she gets off the phone with Jules. He brings her a cup of coffee and dries her eyes. He’s the only one she can count on. He helps her figure out how to get her sister home; through deception. What is this plan? Jules will tell Cyn she’s engaged and pregnant, that she really needs her right now. PGS 12-15

Twist: Jules is upset because Cyn won’t take responsibility and come home to execute the will. She lies to her in a last ditch effort to get Cyn to come to VT.

• Cyn shows up to a crime scene stumbling drunk. She tries to maintain, but it’s obvious her past and present have merged. She is dismissed, forced on leave, but not fired. She won’t tell anyone what’s going on with her. Her policeman lover might have spilled the beans and people know her mother has passed and this is the sympathetic approach they take. PGS 15-20

Twist: Cyn had always been responsible with her work, but the consequences of her addiction make her choose between her job and facing her past.

• Cyn is alone in her apartment ruminating, getting fucked up alone. Maybe she should go home and face the music. PGS 20-25

Twist: She is depressed and on a suicidal, self-harm track, but something causes her to realize this is what she needs to do.

• Cyn is up in the air circling Burlington International, waiting to land in the worst snow storm of the decade. PG 25

Twist: Plane may crash, but lands safely.

• Jules picks her up at the airport. She’s pissed. Cyn is drunk. Jules has had to take care of their mother for years while Cyn gets to go out and live the life of her dreams. They go home and Cyn passes out in her old room. PG 25-26

Twist: They have a happy reunion at the airport which turns sour due to Cyn being drunk and Jules having to be the grown-up.

• Cyn wakes up to an empty house. She ventures into their mother’s room, still intact with a hospital bed, I.V. bags, and meds all around. She checks the meds for anything she might like to have. She gets her camera and photographs the scene. Jules catches her, tells her she’s sick. PG 26-30

Twist: Cyn thought she was alone until Jules showed up and gave her hell. Jules banishes her from the house.

• Cyn shows up on her father’s doorstep. She meets her step-mother for the first time and really wants to hate her, but ends up liking her. They go into her psychology suite and discuss what’s bothering Cyn. Cyn puts her things in their guest bedroom. PGS 30-35

Twist: Cyn enters her father’s house bitter about the past, wanting to hate her step-mother, but ends up cultivating a relationship with her.

• Cyn goes to see the lawyer to go over the will. Her mother left everything to her, with specific instructions – Don’t sell the house. She’s got a lump sum of money, which she takes to see her old flame Alex. PGS 35-40

Twist: Cyn walks in thinking her inheritance is basically nothing, but leaves with quite a lot.

• Cyn finds Alex at some shitty dive bar. He’s surprised to see her. She coaxes him into the bathroom, asks him if he’s still got connections, and shows him her wad. Party montage. PGS 40-47

Twist: Maybe Cyn calls her sister to tell her everything is sorted out and we think she is going back to jules’ house, but she ends up going to the bar instead.

• Cyn wakes up at Jules’ house, hungover, surprised and relieved that this is where she ended up last night. She looks over the photos she took of her mother’s death suite and finds something unusual. She is sure what she sees implicates Jules in their mother’s death. She searches her belongings and finds a gun. PGS 47-49

Twist: Cyn wakes up haggard, casually going over her forensic photos and then we see her with a gun.

• Cyn thinks she’s home alone in the kitchen, Googling the many ways to kill someone with prescription narcotics. Jules surprises her, “Planning to sneaky murder someone?” Cyn is startled, shaken. “I’m just trying to figure out what you did to mom.” Jules has a look of genuine horror on her face, that Cyn would even think such a thing. Cyn interrogates her at gunpoint, breaks down the crime scene, laying out the facts indisputably until Jules is convinced that their mother was indeed murdered. But she didn’t do it! PGS 49-54

Twist: Cyn doing simple research until Jules enters and the interrogation at gunpoint begins.

• The more Cyn probes, the more she figures out who else had access and motive – Xander. Now she’s got a real case on her hands. Where do they find him? Jules doesn’t know, because he always came over to her house, insisted upon it. They take their evidence to the police. PGS 54-55

Twist: They think they’ve figured out the mystery, but they don’t know who Xander is, not even Jules.

• Cyn and Jules at the police station. There is someone in a car watching them. It’s Alex, he takes out his phone and calls someone we don’t see, but maybe we hear a voice on the other end. PGS 56-58

Twist: There is a sense of victory when Cyn and Jules enter the police station followed by the depressing realization that it’s not over yet.

• Cyn goes to see her stepmother, to get something off her chest. It all happened so fast, she didn’t think Jules was capable of such a thing and then found out she really wasn’t and then found out there’s this mystery man who’s responsible for it all. Stepmother could offer medication to help her cope. Cyn thinks, “No, maybe it’s time to keep my wits about me.” When Cyn leaves, her step-mother makes a phone call. PGS 58-62

Twist: Cyn is offered medication and refuses it.

• Cyn goes over to Alex’s house, feeling confident, sure and proud of herself. He offers her drugs she doesn’t take. He figures out a way to manipulate and drug her anyway. They talk about all that’s happened the last few days. She says she doesn’t care about the money, she’d give it all away. Alex talks to her about making a deal in which she donates her inheritance to a charitable organization (presumably run by him or his mother). PGS 62-67

Twist: Cyn shows up at Alex’s with a fresh outlook on life, but ends up being taken advantage of in the same old ways. Potential reveal between relationships not previously understood.

• Cyn wakes up in jail with no recollection of how she got there. Her head is throbbing. As soon as the guard realizes she is awake he calls for a sergeant who takes her to an interrogation room. They question her about the whereabouts of her sister, who she didn’t know was missing. It seems she is now a suspect in her mother’s murder and subsequent disappearance of her sister. PGS 68-75

Twist: Cyn wakes up on the wrong side of the law believing she’s been wrongfully implicated, but all signs point to her guilt.

• Cyn is back in her communal cell, they can only hold her for so long, she knows. One of her cell-mates appears dead and she calls the guard, but they do nothing. Cyn runs through the last week out loud, presumably speaking to the ‘corpse’ in the room only to find out this woman was passed out on drugs. The woman wakes up and makes the connection that Xander is Alex. PGS 75-85

Twist: It looks as though our hero has failed, but she figures out the biggest mystery of all – the connection between Alex and Xander – they are the same person.

• Cyn is released into her father’s care. She meets with her stepmother. Something in their meeting causes her to realize she may be connected to Alex (a phrase repeated). She excuses herself to go back to Jules’ house. PGS 85-90

Twist: Cyn is broken and we expect her to go home, lie down, succumb to her addictions as she always does, but something has changed in her.

• Cyn gets to Jules’ house and finds Jules there, alive. Both sisters are elated to see each other, “Where were you?” “Where were YOU?” They exchange the details of their whereabouts and make a plan to take down Xander and his mother. PGS 90-95

Twist: Their exchange seems confrontational at first, like each feels abandoned by the other, but they understand their common foe and what they must do to succeed.

• Cyn goes to see Alex, distraught, she doesn’t know where Jules is. How is she going to get through this without him (out-con the con). She will fool him into partying together and drug him the way he drugged her until she can do what she wants with him. PGS 95-100

Twist: Cyn appears to be distraught and reverting to her old ways but she fools Alex into submission.

• Jules goes to their dad’s house. He knows why she’s there. He lets her in and she subdues her stepmother. PGS 100-105

Twist: Jules goes to their fathers house and enlists his help, her stepmother does not suspect what’s coming.

• There is a car accident where we see Alex/Xander and his mother crash into a tree. PG 106

Twist: There is a car crash, but they live.

• Alex/Xander and his mother open their eyes in the psychology study at Cyn and Jules’ father’s house. They are badly bruised with broken bones, etc. Both have I.V.s They wake to see Cyn, Jules, and their father staring back at them in caretaker outfits ready to take care of them. PGS 106-110

Twist: We think Alex/Xander and his mother have died in the car crash, but they wake up in hospital beds under the father’s care. We realize that their recovery might not be swift and merciful at all.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachell’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned… Layers and depth are starting to emerge. The more I let the story tell itself to me, the easier it is. It’s all just one big puzzle. Taking breaks and coming back to the project was essential to relieving frustration and realizing next steps.

Using Blake Snyder’s “Save the Cat!” Structure. Numbers in parentheses represent page numbers of script. I used LTS to indicate Life Threatening Situations as I identified them. I similarly placed Mystery and Intrigue (Villain’s Plan) into other places I thought appropriate.

Opening Image (1) Dead Body – Cyn is a forensic photographer in L.A.

Theme Stated (5) Misogynistic male dominated world

Set-up (1-10) Cyn is an addict (LTS) with an emotionally disturbing career. She’s running from her past and does whatever she can to not feel her feelings. She experiences self-loathing and lets men take advantage of her (LTS).

Jules is a nurse, Cyn’s sister who stayed behind. She’s burnt out and tired. Show her taking care of their mother at home.

Xander is a con-man, show him in action. He and Jules are dating (Intrigue).

Mother is murdered by an unknown hand (LTS).

Catalyst (12) Cyn gets a phone call from Jules letting her know her mother has died and she needs to return to VT to execute the will.

Debate (12-25) Cyn wrestles with whether to go home or not. What choice does she have? Why did her mother leave everything to her when Jules was the obvious heir (Mystery)?

Break into Two (25) Cyn landing in VT during the terrible snow storm (LTS).

She gets to her mother’s house, sees where she passed away, and takes photos of the scene. Jules thinks she’s sick for photographing it (Mystery).

B Story (30) Cyn meets her stepmother and really wants to hate her, but ends up liking her a lot (Mystery). This is supposed to be the ‘love story,’ but since her stepmother is Xander’s evil mother, Cyn will end up learning to love herself through their interactions.

Fun and Games (30-55) Cyn and Jules clash, Cyn parties with Xander (Alex), Cyn cashes in on her inheritance (what is it), and spends time with her stepmother (Intrigue).

Use this time to reveal the history of the Bardot family and how Cyn and Alex know each other (Intrigue).

Midpoint (55) False Victory. Cyn thinks she’s figured out how her mother really died and confronts Jules (LTS). Cyn holds a gun on Jules while she interrogates her.

The confrontation brings to light the truth of their mother’s death, but also, if Jules didn’t do it, who did (Mystery)?

They figure out Xander was the only one who had access (Intrigue).

Xander’s secret plan is revealed when Cyn questions Jules – They started dating after Mom got sick, he pushed Jules to get Mom to finalize her will, he wanted her to take the extra meds from the hospital in case mom needed them (Mystery/Intrigue).

They have to bring him to justice (LTS).

Cyn brings her forensic photos to the police. The crime scene is still mostly intact, she wants them to investigate.

Bad Guys Close In (55-75) Xander and his mother (Cyn’s stepmother) have inside information from their closeness to her (LTS). They need to drive a wedge between the sisters (Intrigue).

If Cyn’s got all the money Xander doesn’t need Jules anymore (LTS). Can he get Cyn to kill her or will he have to do it himself (Mystery/Intrigue)?

Jules disappears (LTS).

Police can’t find “Xander,” he doesn’t exist. Cyn can’t prove her mother was murdered and has no way to account for what happened to her sister (Mystery).

Cyn is questioned as a person of interest in the wrongful death of her mother and the disappearance of her sister (LTS).

All is Lost (75) Cyn is being held. She has no information that is helpful to the police, only that which makes her look guilty (Mystery).

During the “All is Lost” moment it is important to have a “whiff of death.” I’m considering having Cyn share a cell with a woman who appears dead (Mystery)…

Dark Night of the Soul (75-85) Cyn calls out to the police to attend to the dead woman, but they don’t listen. Turns out the “corpse” is just passed out hard.

Cyn spills her guts to the unconscious woman, running through all she’s done wrong, trying to figure out what the answer could be (Mystery).

She’s sure she’s lost her job at this point, lost her sister, depressed (Intrigue).

This corpse woman might wake up and say “Alex” is “Xander” or maybe Cyn figures it out herself. Some comic relief would be nice.

Cyn knows that Xander and Alex are the same person (LTS).

Break into Three (85) Solution = Alex is Xander (LTS).

Finale (85-110) How can she confront him without facing his wrath? Can she kill him without implicating herself (Mystery)?

Cyn needs to figure out that her stepmother is Xander’s mother and realize their connection and the web they’ve been spinning (LTS).

Final Image (110) Cyn photographing/documenting dead bodies to be sure she has covered up her crime scenes properly.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Life Threatening Sequence

What is the villain’s plan and how does that put the hero in danger?

Xander’s plan relies on deception, concealing he is Cyn’s ex boyfriend “Alex,” hiding their past relationship from Jules, his mother is their step-mother, he killed their mother and set Jules up to take the fall in case anyone caught on, he was responsible for the death of their older brother years ago.

His plan is to cash in on the inheritance one of these women is sure to be granted.

The hero is in danger whenever they uncover the truth about one of Xander’s secrets.

Potential danger is also present from characters we may perceive as villains (red herrings) Jules and Xander’s mother (if she makes it into the story).

Threats from Jules when she discovers the medication that killed their mother.

Talking about the danger with Xander’s mother, since she trusts her. This information can then be relayed to Xander.

Closeness to the villain when we think it is Jules and even more so after we know it has been Xander all along.

Lured into the dangerous situation by the death of her mother.

Contemplating an arrest due to Cyn’s addictions. Would give her even more of a reason to have to stay in town longer.

Danger to someone they know would be Jules or her father once the puzzle is solved. Cyn’s brother and mother are already dead because of this guy.

Presence of weapons – I had this idea that Cyn could get a gun from Xander to use against her sister during their big fight. Once they realize the truth they can turn it back against him.

What other potential dangers could your hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the villain?

Snowstorm “of the century” taking place this whole time preventing travel.

Loss of Cyn’s job if she can’t wrap this up and get back to L.A.

Betrayal from everyone close to her, a lifelong pattern.

The covert operator would be Xander’s mother. Nobody will suspect a thing about her.

From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

Threats

Talking about danger

Closeness with villain

Lured into dangerous situation

Arrest

Danger to someone close

Presence of weapons

Weather/trapped

Loss of job

Betrayal

Sequence the dangers…

Begin with the death of their mother. Everything in the will goes to Cyn. (Lured in)

Cyn must travel from L.A. to VT and arrives during a devious snow storm. (Weather/trapped)

Cyn finds the medication that could have killed their mother. Only Jules, as a nurse, would have access to it. (Closeness with villain)

Sequences with Jules talking about Xander and Cyn hanging out with Alex – the same guy, different names. (Closeness with villain)

Cyn confronts Jules about medication. Conversation that sounds threatening, because their relationship is on the rocks already.

In anger, Cyn storms out, drinking and driving. Jules calls to report a drunk driver on their road. (Betrayal, Arrest)

Really hating her sister now, Cyn goes to see her dad who has a new wife. She’s a psychologist and Cyn spills. (Talking about danger)

It only makes sense for Cyn to stay in VT, since she can’t manage to fly out, and her impending court date. (Loss of job)

The big fight between Cyn and Jules where she’s sure Jules has killed their mother – Cyn brings a gun just in case. (Weapons)

What I learned is… danger is the bones. It was so hard to resist putting the meat on the rest of the story. I’m glad I didn’t go down that rabbit hole though! Also, the ‘big fight’ is kind of the false defeat, so I’m not sure if I did my job well or not. I think I still have 1/4 of a scripts-worth of danger scenes to come up with.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned is… This lesson was such a puzzle! I definitely overthink assignments, which makes it take longer to complete. I honestly agonized over this, which I wish I hadn’t. The brainstorming is fun, but I become frustrated. Once I decide that I just NEED TO GET IT DONE it all falls into place. I had to let go of a lot of the previous drama layout I had done for this story.

1. The big secret Xander is covering up is his own history with the Bardot family (Cyn and Jules) and the fact that he purposefully inserted himself into Jules’ life to take advantage of their family’s misfortune to cash in on the inheritance he was sure Jules would receive on her mother’s passing. His biggest secret is his sociopathic, con-man nature.

2. He covers his secrets by not having interactions with both sisters at once. Cyn knew him as Alex back in high school, Jules knows him as Xander; they would not automatically assume he is the same person. He is able to pit the sisters against each other through manipulation. Whatever else he does relies on the fact that people do not really know who he is or where to find him.

3. The first mystery that engages the hero (Cyn) is why her mother made her executor of her will when Jules was the one who stayed behind to take care of her.

4. Mystery sequences with RED HERRING…

Xander casually bumps into Jules, she doesn’t recognize him (or does she), and he pursues a relationship with her.

When her mother keeps hanging on despite her illness, Xander encourages Jules to steal drugs from the hospital where she works; to ease her mother’s suffering.

Jules will appear guilty (RED HERRING) whether she gives her mother the drugs or not.

After her mother’s passing Jules becomes furious that she must contact Cyn to execute the will. She both envies and idolizes her – Cyn is the one who got out of the small town to make a name for herself while Jules stayed home to be ‘good’ and take care of their mother.

Because of her jealousy, Jules will try to sabotage Cyn’s happiness and livelihood.

Both sisters will be dating Xander/Alex simultaneously without knowing it.

Cyn is fed up but won’t give Jules the satisfaction of handing it over to her, so she gives it all to Alex/Xander so she can go back to L.A. with a clean conscious.

During the final sister show-down they will realize that they have been dating the same man and he has played them both. The RED HERRING reveal. Then they can go after Xander together.

5. Mystery Chains:

The main mystery is the death of Cyn and Jules’ mother. Why did she leave everything to Cyn and did she die of natural causes (her disease)?

Jules was the clear heir, did their mother know something Cyn doesn’t?

Jules has access to lethal drugs, did she end their mother’s life early?

Jules harbors a hatred for Cyn, did she call her back just to torment her?

Jules does whatever she can to make Cyn’s life a living hell.

Mystery 2: What is Jules hiding?

She’s dating Cyn’s ex (though she appears clueless of the fact)

Engagement and pregnancy?

Mystery 3: Who is Xander/Alex?

Both women talk of this man whom they know intimately, but the three have never been in the same room at the same time.

(Audience may know before the women figure out who he is). Does this ruin the thriller element?

Mystery 4: Did Jules end her mother’s life early to cash in on an inheritance she thought was hers?

Jules is sad, lonely, desperate. Was she looking for this as her way out?

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Villain has a great plan!

What is the end goal?

Xander is a con-artist trying to pull off the greatest con of his life, being in love. When Cynthia and Julia Bardot’s mother becomes ill, opportunity is hot. Xander can exploit this situation to his advantage. He will take either sister to cash in on whatever inheritance they are granted after their mother’s death.

How can the villain accomplish that in a devious way?

Prey on Cyn and Jules’ broken relationship, courting them both at once to ensure maximum payout.

How can Xander cover it up?

Through charm and manipulation, lying and pitting the sisters against each other. Make it look like whatever happens was their idea or choice. Also may have the help of his mother (still deciding on this as “B” story).

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

Xander has history with the Bardot family and keeps his ear near to find out what’s going on with them.

Finds out Cyn and Jules’ mother is ill and cozies up to Jules (who still lives locally) to encourage a big fat inheritance that he can take advantage of.

Mother dies and Cyn is the executor of will. She has to come home to sort things out. Xander takes this opportunity to re-establish his relationship with her, just in case she turns out to be the cash cow.

Cyn and Xander dated in high school, though she knew him as “Alex” back then. She’s still in love with him. They share a love for drugs and alcohol which makes their reunion particularly simple.

Various life and death, love triangle fun and games.

Push Cyn just enough to get her to give up her inheritance to Jules, because she “wants nothing to do with this family.” Jules is easier to manipulate.

Get Cyn fucked up and leave her passed out, for dead.

“B” story involves Xander’s mother Carly who is a psychologist, married to Gene Bardot – Cyn and Jules’ father. Carly has groomed Xander from birth, has already tried her hand at an inheritance (with Gene, but turns out he has no money) and will further manipulate Cyn as she tries to repair her familial relationships. The secret weapon is that nobody knows that Xander is Carly’s son.

What I learned is there are millions of ways to tell the same story. This idea has gone through several transformations since the seed first implanted itself into my consciousness. It used to stress me out, figuring out what works best and letting go of what I thought it should be, now I go with the flow. The whole process has become quite exciting!

One question I have (for other ideas brewing) is what if your villain is part of the hero’s psyche? Or something else that isn’t quite tangible, like cancer. Must the villain be represented in some physical form?

[Rachelle Storti]

Assignment #1 Rachelle’s BI Stacking Suspense

I learned to keep the audience guessing, but give them a chance to solve the riddle. Thrillers move fast and it is important that each scene contains M.I.S. to keep the viewer involved.

There is a lot of talk throughout BI about Catherine and Nick being similar. Looking for commonalities between two people who should be vastly different had me feeling like I was part of the mystery; psychoanalyzing them and wondering who these people really are. I got a particular kick out of Nick mimicking Catherine’s behavior during his own interrogation.

Complexity in layers can be subtle or glaringly obvious.

Assignment #2 Rachelle’s SOTL Stacking Suspense

Pausing this movie to take notes scene by scene made it so much more intense!

Most of what I learned came from noticing common elements between BI and SOTL.

Both movies had B stories that were just as fantastic as their main storylines. I want to be sure to nail this in my script.

Again with the similarities between the Hero and Antagonist. Maybe it’s not so much that Hannibal and Clarice are similar, but they understand something about each other. Their relationship is special and we as the audience witness it unfolding – something that cannot be explained, but must be seen.

Catherine and Nick talk a lot about playing games. Hannibal was playing a game the entire time, though it was never outright called that.

The psychology of the characters and the games they play with each other are major drivers of M.I.S.

Dark comedic lines are something I hope to be able to incorporate into my script. “I’m having an old friend for dinner.” Why was I hoping Hannibal would eat Chilton the whole time, and now I’m oddly satisfied that this arrogant prick will die a horrific death? Causing the audience to question their own sense of morality or presuppositions must be incredibly satisfying.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s World and Characters…

CONCEPT AND BIG M.I.S. = A woman who wanted nothing more than to forget her past and start over is called home when her mother dies –

Forcing her to face (photographic) memories and the pain/danger she’s running from.

A man she was once (and is still) in love with is continuously fucking with her family. Every minute she recalls the past or figures out Xander’s plan everyone she loves is in danger.

THE INTRIGUING WORLD = Winter in Vermont. Isolation. No escape from real life. People fighting to find comfort while another tries their best to create dissention. Juxtaposition between environment and human nature.

TOP 2 OR 3 CHARACTERS:

Cyn: The MYSTERY of Cyn is that she found a way out and she went back. She returned to invest in her family, even though she had felt it necessary to put so much distance between them.

She has a photographic memory, but can remember nothing from that time.

She doesn’t say all that she’s feeling.

The SUSPENSE of Cyn is that we know she is capable of more than she presents.

The INTRIGUE of the character is that she returns to the lion’s den and we are not sure how she will fare.

Xander: The MYSTERY of Xander is that he is charming as fuck, nobody knows who he really is; he fools them all. He has a dark past shared with Cyn (which she refuses to confront). He pretends more than he feels.

The SUSPENSE of this character is that we as the audience know he has killed for his own benefit and will kill again. He gets away with murder.

The INTRIGUE of this character is that we as the audience continuously hope to find him in a moment of conscious, to see him as a human being like us, but he does not feel.

What I learned doing this assignment is – it is personal.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Big M.I.S.

Logline: Cynthia (Cyn) Bardot has a photographic memory, the problem is, she can’t remember anything. Lured back to her hometown by the death of her mother, Cyn must remember the past to save her sister and protect both of their lives and futures.

1. Conventions:

Unwitting but resourceful hero: Cyn thinks she’s going home to help her sister sort out their mother’s death, but she returns to a past she would rather forget.

Dangerous Villain: Xander is a sociopath bent on controlling to the point of ruin. His main focus is the Bardot family.

High Stakes: Cyn can leave whenever she wants, but she won’t because of her sister. Xander lures her in, because she is in love with him (they have history together).

Life and death situations: Cyn and her sister are both under Xander’s spell. They don’t realize the past he’s a part of or the future he is trying to construct. He has killed and will kill again.

The story is thrilling because: Xander is enmeshed with their family history, whether they realize it or not. The audience may see things the sisters do not yet recognize. His purpose is to control and dominate the only way he knows how – by any means necessary. It’s going to come down to him or them.

2. The Big M.I.S.

The BIG MYSTERY is how has Xander fucked with this family for twenty years, relentlessly (and why)? Will Cyn recover her memory and save her sister and herself?

The BIG INTRIGUE is what Xander really wants. He’s a sociopath. His reasoning doesn’t follow conscious or anything our audience would recognize as something they would do in most situations.

The BIG SUSPENSE is that Cyn is in danger every minute she remembers the past or figures out anything about Xander’s character.

3. What I learned doing this assignment: I originally envisioned this idea to be a “thriller” but it turned into a drama because I didn’t know how to make the thriller happen… I’ve got all the scenes layed out on note cards ready to go…

[Rachelle Storti]

PREMONITION Thriller Conventions.

I chose “Premonition” (2007) starring Sandra Bullock.

The unwitting but resourceful hero is introduced as a wife whom ‘hates surprises.’ She is totally in love and her husband is constantly surprising her. She appears to have no allies, but is her own detective in discovering what is happening to her rearranged timeline and memories.

The dangerous villain is either death or fate.

The high stakes are death itself. She finds herself in dangerous situations she doesn’t fully understand, danger to her family, and the disruption of her marriage.

Life and death situations saturate this movie.

The movie is thrilling because it moves very quickly. We don’t know who will be alive or dead at the end of it. The days are mixed up, worlds overlap, and it seems like everyone else is in on something she doesn’t get.

The BIG MYSTERY is how can she save her husband and protect her family when she can see events (or their aftermath) before they happen.

The BIG INTRIGUE is following this woman on a mission we want her to succeed at, but we don’t know how or if she is able to do it.

The BIG SUSPENSE reveals itself during every moment we are confused and questioning reality along with our main character.

It was a great thriller, because it moved quickly and kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time, trying to solve the puzzle. Unfortunately I don’t think the lost time and mixed up days accounted to what I would call a resolute ending. Although there was a surprise bit I hadn’t thought of at all (spoiler if I tell, you will just have to watch).

What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly thrillers move, and more importantly, how much I like it when they move quickly. Compared to other thrillers I have watched, this one took me on a ride versus me having to wait for answers longer than I wanted (I hate a movie that is too long or drags on farther than my attention span).

[Rachelle Storti]

I’m Rachelle and have written exactly zero (feature length) scripts. I have five shorts and several partials of dialogue or description; loads of journaling and conceptualization.

I would love to be able to remain focused and complete assignments on time, as this has been a struggle in the past. Mostly, I hope this class teaches me how to turn my concepts into thrillers that engage and puzzle audiences. Also, more confidence in my abilities and encouragement towards a screenwriting career.

It might not be unique in a group like this, but I use my dreams to solve problems and as a source of inspiration. I believe in the wisdom of my subconscious visions!

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle Storti

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Rachelle Storti]

Part 1: Select Project

I have three that can easily fit Covid guidelines. One about a truck driver; that would be easiest of all. Another “trapped in the basement” situation. The third I was kind of married to the idea of having a kid and a wolf in it. I could cut them, but it might break my heart a little. The evaluation process helped me to see what was easiest to keep contained. I was able to pitch all five of my original ideas in 1-2 sentences which was really fun. They are all unique stories, but the process of fitting them to Covid guidelines made them even more different than anything I have ever seen before.

Part 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines

I don’t know why I had such a hard time with this one. Before the class started I was doing it to every single movie I watched and now that it’s been assigned I couldn’t pull a single one. I know I’m making it harder than it needs to be.

[Rachelle Storti]

I am thinking of something along the lines of being isolated/wooded, not necessarily tropical. I want it to be a place that is almost in plain sight of the town living around it. Difinetly U.S.

[Rachelle Storti]

This might be a little on the nose, but the professor’s mask could have something to do with the subject they teach. Maybe the mask could change based on the questions he’s asking in the moment. For some reason I am feeling history here. Lots of options for masks there. Or mythology.

[Rachelle Storti]

Have you ever heard of a dybbuk box? There is a story about one I think you’d be interested in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf_9w1vpq50

[Rachelle Storti]

Yes, that sounds good. If you want to send me your pdf version my email is rachellestorti@gmail.com. I can also send you mine in pdf if it makes it easier.