Ramelle Wiggins (Carter)
Forum Replies Created
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Ramelle’s Outline Version 1
(Feedback ready)
Hot Girl
A successful African American DA has lost her father, mother, and her ability to keep her sanity with PTSD enables her every step, yet love wins her heart and drives her to find out the truth.
Action Outline
Cinnamon Johnson is a successful Prosecuting Attorney who passed the bar on her first try; She comes from a family of wealth; graduating top of her class and having it all she also has a tragedy that has plagued most of her young life. At 5years old she survived a horrific accident that killed her father, Grover Johnson. Her mother a socialite and former police officer are rumored to have been involved in the death. Cinnamon wonders why her father died, but her mother was to marry Rick Devin, but he was found dead by Cinnamon on what was to be their wedding day. Not only that recently her boss/lover is killed under mysterious circumstances. From all this pain and shock, Cinnamon suffers from PTSD until she becomes the princess who meets her prince, Clash Stevenson.
Scene 1
Cinnamon is sworn in as the new District Attorney, but someone breaks into her home and due to her PTSD, she sees the same image she saw as a 5-year-old when she was saved from the wreckage that killed her father
Scene 2
Cinnamon gets to her home after the press conference, she is in the shower after she gets out, she here latches open on a door. As a licensed attorney she also has the legal right to carry a gun, she gets her gun out of the bathroom drawer, dresses in her robe, and heads downstairs with a gun in hand she looks at every nook in sight, gets to the stairs, and sees someone leaving with the door half nudged open, she runs down the steps and gets out of her door. She fires one shot in the air and sees the car drive off. After this incident, she vows to step up security.
Scene 3
Cinnamon wants to ask her mom about the murders of her beaus, so she goes to pay her mom a visit. Mom has moved on with life and doesn’t want to be disturbed. Cinnamon wants to know if the rumors are true. She confronts mom, with her aunt walking in; also wanting to know why. Is Chay Johnson protecting her daughter or covering up her own misdeeds?
Scene 4
Chay Johnson is drinking wine waiting for her daughter, but she knows her sister, Rebecca has landed in town from Paris, and she slips asleep vitamins in one of the drinks so she can relax after all this stress, which is one thing she always dreaded.
Scene 5
Cinnamon is at the home of her mother, Chay, she asks her mom about her dad, but Chay is to hurt to talk about something of nature. Cinnamon is not aware her mother had been drowning her sorrows in alcohol and wasn’t drunk or tipsy but just numb to it all. Cinnamon accidentally picks up the sleep vitamin drink and takes a sip now when she asked her mom about her stepfather’s death in walks Rebecca.
Scene 6
Rebecca walks in and hears them talking. She also states she would like to know the truth. Telling her sister that nothing will take away the pain but then keeping any secrets won’t help either.
Scene 7
<Fight>
Cinnamon asks her mom again please, she needed to know when suddenly Cinnamon slurs her speech sits down, then Chay realized the drink had her sleep sedative in it and then Cinnamon collapse, they both help her to the couch; the sisters begin to argue; Chay shoves Rebecca then Rebecca pushes her then they tussle and shout about how they both get on each other’s nerve. Rebecca slaps Chay and then they tussle to the ground when suddenly, Chay’s butler, Jared walks in and subdues them both.
Scene 8
Jared contacts the house nurse and the other house helpers to get Cinnamon into bed until the sleep vitamin wears off. Cinnamon awakes unharmed is checked out smoothly by the nurse. With no idea, her mom and aunt were just fighting.
Scene 9
Cinnamon has no real answers from mom or her aunt. She had asked the nurse to place a phone order for her fav restaurant to pick up some comfort food and when she stops to pick it up, she meets the love of her life, Clash Stevenson.
Scene 10
Clash is a handsome, debonair Engineer. and when they meet, sparks fly, and she is reminded to love again.
Meanwhile, at her mom’s house, both Chay and Rebecca are doing fine.
Scene 11
Mother Chay playfully suggested she killed her ex-husband and Cinnamon overhears and arrests her mother for the murder of her father.
Some think it is due to her own sorrow that she takes the wrap for the murder.
Scene 12
Cinnamon is distraught and shaken after having to arrest her mom; she meets with Clash; they make love, wake up the next morning. Clash hears a bomb ticking in the wall of the bedroom and is unable to detonate it, they dress and leave, once they are safely out, it explodes, destroying the home.
Scene 13
Chief of Police declares he will tell the commissioner Cinnamon perished only to protect her from scrutiny. Cinnamon and Clash end up in St. Barts France where Clash has connections and continues working as an Aerospace Engineer. They need to plan before their work visas are set to expire.
Scene 14
After a year of being on the run they end up in Arizona where Cinnamon gives birth to a healthy baby girl, but Cinnamon must make amends with her past.
In learning of Mother’s poor health in jail she makes it back to Los Angeles.
Scene 15
Rick Devin the stepfather confesses to faking his death and Cinnamon kills him.
The End so far
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Ramelle Wiggins (Carter).
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Ramelle’s Fast Formatting
What I learned is giving more of the story to the best fitting format needed.
Int Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office
County has replaced Cinnamon Johnson with Kern County DA Sam Snicker who has been given public disapproval for his light sentencing for violent crimes.
Cinnamon: Good Day everyone, I have had to take time off
Snicker: <Interrupts> You cannot just bounce in here and ask for your job back.
Cinnamon: Someone burned my house down; I escaped but now I am back, the people want me back
Commissioner Vincent Harris: Yes, Cinnamon we need you back. You will do an interview and discuss the hardship that you lost your home and now you are ready to be back to serve the people. We welcome you back.
Cinnamon: Yes, I will do whatever I have to do to come back.
Cinnamon leaves to go downstairs but is accosted by the Media. She walks into the elevator and is followed closely behind and into the elevator. (Young Reporter)
TV Reporter: Mrs. Johnson, if you could please tell us or give insight into your trauma.
Cinnamon: I will speak about why I took time off, my mother, and will let everyone know.
Press Conference=The podium…Cinnamon steps up
Cinnamon: My apologies to my beautiful city but after my home was set on fire, my life was believed to be in danger. I also found out I was pregnant. I don’t want to keep talking…..screech
The mike suddenly begins to screech
Shots are fired
People started screaming, running, scurrying… Cinnamon is rushed out of the Press Conference
Police return the fire then the gunman ceases.
Cinnamon is shielded by police officers but can’t see the gunman.
…Cinnamon is angry… All teeth no grin. Barbaric in her stance.
The police are strategically telling the gunman to drop the weapon.
Cinnamon has a gun in hand she walks directly in front of the police.
The gunman is revealed.
It is Rick Devin in plain view sight.
He swiftly places a gun to his head as he sees Cinnamon.
Cinnamon: RICK
Rick Devin: Cinnamon, I’m sorry; I had to do this. I had so much debt, I was working for your dad. I was his accountant, but I wanted his life and his wife, so I rigged the car and got you out before it was too late. I’m sorry, I cannot live this lie anymore. I will really die. Set your mom free, she had nothing to do with this. This was all me.
Cinnamon (CRYing) You took my daddy from me, Why?
Rick Devin (CRYING) I am sorry, he walks towards her, and she fires
…BOOM…
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Ramelle’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned is to pick up the pace with Cinnamon Johnson’s life.
EXT<Chandler, AZ>
Cinnamon and Clash have settled outside of Phoenix with 1-year-old Catrina. The baby arrived with no stress and now Cinnamon will deal with the pain of leaving the family to start a family.
The rundown…Her mother Chay had a trial and was sentenced to life in prison for practically admitting murder of her husband to her own daughter. Then Cinnamon left her high profile job. Could it be that no one really cares if she really were killed in her own home?… Then one day at the grocery store.
Environment
Cinnamon is at the grocery store for the first time since she had her daughter. Yes, her husband Clash made all grocery runs or had groceries delivered but Cinnamon just wanted to do some normal grocery shopping but when she got in the store. Store clerks and customers noticed her as the ex-DA who arrested her own mother, and she is alive in Arizona.
Rules
The police comes into the store, walks right up to Cinnamon and asks her to come down to the police station to talk just talk to the Chief of Police, she was assured this was not an arrest. Cinnamon calls her husband and then she tells the Officer she will drive later with her husband and legal team.
Villian
Cinnamon and Clash are at the police station being questioned about the fire at the home.
Officer McCain: Obviously, you guys are alive and doing well, which we are happy to see but we need you to contact California Chief of Police before they come to your home and you don’t want that.
Lawyer: My clients’ life was threatened; you really think they would burn their own house down; we ask that consideration is to apply.
Cinnamon: No, I cannot keep running, I must deal with this.
Mission
Cinnamon and Clash’s plane land and they come out with tons of Media at the airport, shouting at the couple asking about their ordeal. The Media was looking to pay top dollar for any information.
Struggle
With her daughter in tow, she is ready to fight her battles head on.
Unique Skillset
Since having her daughter Catrina, Cinnamon has been training her body by taking boxing lessons to gear up for any battle.
Meaning
She wants to know who put a bomb in her home; Is it the same person who killed her dad?
Allies
Could it be that same dark shadow who pulled her from the car wreckage at 5 years old? Who would want her dead?
Weapon: Cinnamon will hire a Secret Agent to help her get justice.
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Ramelle Unique Action
What I learned doing this assignment is the story needs more action layers.
Ext:
Cinnamon’s home burned to the ground
Chief Buchanon, Fire Chief Atalah, City Officials, local area News Officials have descended on the property for news of a horrific tragedy of the possible deaths of newly elected DA Johnson
Chief Buchanon: What we got
Fire Official: Not much to go on but there were some secret compartments to the house. Suppose they made it out of the house safely; there is also insurance they can rebuild.
Fire Official 2: Chief, it’s gonna take weeks before we see if there are any bodies.
Chief Atalah: Chief their house had such compartments that we need a couple of days before we can sift through the damages.
Chief Buchanon: I will make a statement that they both are dead, and we elect a new DA.
Chief Atalah: But Chief it’s too soon, they could be alive!!
Chief Buchanon: if she really cares about this job. She would be here; this city has no time for games. Besides, her mother is in jail for the crimes that had been hurting her so maybe this can be a fresh start. Whoever has a problem can deal with it on my level.
Chief Buchanon is going to make a statement to the Press that DA Cinnamon Johnson has perished in a house fire. There will be no memorial unless her mother insists on any efforts. Please, everyone, leave this has been deemed an active crime scene.
Pan to a beautiful island (1) year later
Ext: somewhere in the Bahamas or St. Barts
The beach is a beaming light blue. A beautiful beachfront property is nestled in front of a beautiful home with a brass-colored door. Then pan to the bedroom where we see Clash, yes Clash Stevenson is waking up and he looks beside him and yes Cinnamon is awaking from a deep sleep.
Clash: You ok my sweet wife.
Cinnamon: (she turns and stares at her husband) Yes, and this is doing quite well. (An obvious baby bump)
Clash rubs his wife’s belly and then they talk.
Clash: Honey, we have been wonderful here, but my work is trying to send me back to the states. Plus, the Visas for both of us are about to end. With the baby coming soon we gotta get planted somewhere safe. I say we move to Arizona.
Cinnamon: I must think about my baby and you. I know I have unfinished business in California. It just takes time for me to think this through.
The turn on the telly.
BBC News: And in today’s news. In California, Chay Johnson is said to have fallen ill. The former police detective whose daughter former DA Cinnamon Johnson died in a house fire, but the body was never recovered is said she wants to tell her story before it is too late. Her only surviving family, sister Rebecca, is also said to be in grave health.
Cinnamon begins to cry, then she grabs her stomach, Clash.
Clash: I’m calling the doctor.
Cinnamon: No, let’s leave for Arizona in the morning.
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INT. Chay’s home
Cinnamon has fainted as Chay’s sister Rebecca implies Grover Johnson’s body was never recovered after the accident.
Rebecca: Oh no, Cinnamon; wake up dear
Chay: Leave my baby alone, this is all your fault; Jerrod takes Cinnamon to the guest bedroom and, call the house nurse to look after her well-being.
Rebecca: I am so sorry, but I can no longer live this lie. Just tell Cinnamon the truth about her father.
Chay: I will talk to my daughter when I am good and well ready. Now you can stay but keep your mouth shut about my husband.
SUSPENSE:
Rebecca: I will not allow this, your jealousy could be the reason he is dead, you had to win didn’t you.
Chay is looking at Rebecca with a very mean face.
Rebecca: Are the rumors true? Did you have him killed because of your jealousy? His handsome charm was too charming for you to handle. Especially him finding out you were barren, and he wanted more children, and you couldn’t have any more after Cinnamon.
Chay steps in front of Rebecca and slaps her and they begin to fight. Rebecca slaps Chay and they tussle each holding the other’s hand, tumbling over.
Jerrod comes in and tells each woman to stop.
Jerrod: Stop! (As he breaks up the fight) Enough, you two should not carry on like this.
Both women straighten their hair and outfits.
Rebecca: Let me apologize; I am sorry. She put out her right hand for a handshake but Chay refuses.
SURPRISE:
Chay makes a call from her cell.
Chay: Hello get everything ready, I gave my daughter a sedative as too much was hitting her too hard, my baby is too important to me. I must protect her. She must never know I am the reason her father is dead.
ADENALINE:
Cinnamon: Mom I have heard your confession; You have a right to remain silent. Anything you say will and can be used against you.
-She tries to handcuff her mother but suddenly; Chay pulls a gun out of her purse and puts it to her head-
Chay: I will die before I allow you to put me in jail. You will never take me alive.
Cinnamon: Mom, no, don’t do this, give me the gun.
Rebecca walks in…..
Rebecca: No, she tries to grab the gun.
Cinnamon calls 911.
Rebecca and Chay tussle; the gun is pointed at the ceiling; it goes off and the bullet ricochets and hits Rebecca.
Chay: Rebecca! Rebecca!
EXCITEMENT:
(Int. Hospital)
Cinnamon is sitting waiting for news on her aunt. Chay has been arrested for both attempted murder of her sister and murder of both of her ex. husband, as well as Rick Devin. There is a ton of press outside the hospital for the DA’s response to arresting her own mother.
On a bright note in walks Clash.
Clash: Hey are you ok!
Cinnamon: Oh, Clash I wish I could really wake up from this nightmare. But at least now I know the truth.
Chief of Police, Lawrence Buchanon and Lieutenant, Eric Watson enters and advises Cinnamon to leave, go home and get some rest.
DANGER:
Clash and Cinnamon are driving when suddenly the car loses control as if it is going to crash but as the car goes from 50 to 80 to 100 on the freeway. Clash gets on his cell. Cinnamon thinks he is calling 911, he is trying to stop the car by using the AI command installed in the interior of the engine for this car. As it unfortunately speeds to dangerous levels, he switches to the Apple watch and commands it to stop in another language and the speeds lower down to 50 then 40 which is safe enough to get it back home.
SUSPENSE:
Clash advises Cinnamon that someone wants us dead with all this that just happened with her car.
Clash: Who has access to your cars?
Cinnamon: Jerrod, my mother’s butler.
Clash: So, your mom wants everyone in your family bumped off.
Cinnamon: Please this is making me sick.
FEAR:
Clash: I would leave but you are my priority now, I wanna stay.
Cinnamon: You sure you wanna be with a woman who just arrested her mother and almost died in 2 car crashes.
Clash: I’m here
ADRENALINE:
The two begin to make love, the energy is enormous in the air (MUSIC playing)
At the same time a small bomb is ticking in the bathroom pipe, the timer is ticket at 30:00 seconds.
Camera pans to the couple sleeping.
Clash wakes to go to the bathroom. It’s noticeably quiet in the room, he goes and starts a shower, Cinnamon wakes and hears him, she gets in and they make love again. Washing each other they stop and dry each other off.
Clash: You hear that
Cinnamon: No what is it?
Clash: shush, go get dressed I hear bomb and it’s about to detonate.
Cinnamon: oh no.
Cinnamon remembers her security system has a secret wall, she turns it on and sees the bomb is down to 20 seconds.
Clash is dressed, he must wiggle it out of the wall and detonate it before it’s too late.
EXCITEMENT:
Clash and Cinnamon profess their love.
Cinnamon: If I die with you, I am the luckiest girl in the world.
Clash: I love you!
Cinnamon: I love you!
The bomb is down to 10 seconds.
Camera pans outside Cinnamons palatial home.
The home explodes.
RELEIF:
Did momma win? Are they both dead?
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Ramelle’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned is that the proportion of tragedy and pain is contributing to the layout for the truth.
Surprise:
Ext (Cinnamon’s home)
Cinnamon sits up in her bed after the nightmare. The cell phone rings, and it is her mom, Chay.
Chay: Good morning, Love. It’s a gorgeous day and I love to see you. Are you busy later?
Cinnamon: No, Mom, I’m glad you called, I really need to talk to you so what time tonight?
Chay: Oh, 7 pm sharp; I have someone special joining us tonight. See you soon.
Cinnamon contemplates on (who) the (“someone special”) is coming over for dinner. She gets a
{Good morning, sweetheart} text from Clash.
Excitingly she texts back {Good Morning, How about dinner tonight at my mom’s house or we can meet afterward.}
Clash {I would love to meet you, mom.} See you soon!
Cinnamon is done at work at 5 pm, is home by 05:45, she showers, gets dressed; meanwhile she gets a test from Clash.
Clash {I can’t leave until 8 pm, please allow my raincheck to you, I will make it up.}
Cinnamon: {Was it meeting my mother already, scare you}
Clash: {No not at all; just catching up on much-needed work, I will call you once I’m done}
Cinnamon: {Talk soon}
Chay’s home interior; unlike Cinnamon’s dream, there is no smoke, everything is normal.
Cinnamon knocks on the door, it opens by Jerrod, Chay’s mom’s longtime butler.
Cinnamon: Hey, J, she walks in, and the table is set for four.
Chay walks into the dining area sees Cinnamon and hugs her, they sit and talk.
Chay: It’s so good to see my baby
Cinnamon: Same her. mom
Chay: I must tell you about your father, I know it has taken me a while to really speak about it and how better than now.
Shock:
This is starting to look like Cinnamon’s dream.
Chay: I will share this to give us both peace and calm. Your father died in a car crash, I was heartbroken, I could eat/sleep for an exceptionally long time, and I was very hurt, but I dealt with the pain of the loss of my husband. I miss him every day. Honey, he is dead, and I want him back much more than you do but we must move on.
Suddenly the doorbell rings
Cinnamon: Mom, (sighing with happiness) I am so glad you’re clearing up about this incident. I love you so much, mom. They stand and hug each other.
Jerrod: Madam Chay, your other guest has arrived.
Chay: Oh welcome
Cinnamon: Aunt Rebecca, Hi
Chay; I thought you were Pinksy.
Rebecca: Oh, I wanted to surprise both of you, I’ve been gone a long time.
Chay; Not long enough, where is your daughter, Pinksy?
Rebecca: She had some last-minute errands, she’ll come shortly.
Cinnamon: Mom and I were just talking about Dad and well, Rebecca I feel so much better
Rebecca: What did your mother tell you?
Chay: nothing, honey let’s sit down and eat something, you must be starving, Jerrod dear
Cinnamon: Well, she comforted me, I wanted to find my father’s killer, but she told me the truth.
Rebecca looks at Chay.
Rebecca: Did she tell you they never found a body?
Chay: Rebecca shush. We should really eat and
Cinnamon face look flushed
Cinnamon: You are telling me; my dad is alive.
Suspense:
Cinnamon faints.
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Subject Line: Ramelle’s Level 1 Action Emotions
What I learned is taking the audience into a journey of complexity and composition within storytelling.
First Draft:
Anxiety: Cinnamon was out with her new beau, Clash. They talked, she blushed, felt a rush of love and ease overcoming her for once in a long time. But then her whole life she has loved and the men in her life (dad, stepdad, Snyder) all died too soon. She will not be able to stand Clash being taken away; she considers if she must push back or let love shine.
Act 1 Scene A
Ext: location (Madear’s restaurant)
Clash: Look it’s getting late, let me drive you home in your car and I’ll catch Uber back home
Cinnamon: Where is home for you?
Clash: I was born in San Francisco, got my BA in Engineering at UCLA while on a Basketball scholarship, I hurt my Achilles in my Senior year and so I was benched for the rest of the season and concentrated less on basketball more on me.
Cinnamon: It’s so refreshing to meet someone with knowledge and good looks.
Clash: Let me take care of the check. We had better go.
Cinnamon is swept off her feet at this point the night can be never-ending.
Ext (Cinnamon’s driveway at her home)
Clash and Cinnamon continue talking
Clash: You ok.
Cinnamon: Sure, thanks for dinner, driving me home, and hmmm, Can you walk me to my door? I have been coming home to my door being ajar and well.
Clash: No worries, I got u.
Cinnamon is uneasy but knows it’s better not to go so deep with Clash; she must take her time.
Clash: I must go, I will get used to you. I want to get used to you. (He kisses her cheek and leaves.)
Cinnamon gets into a steamy shower thinking about her new love and how she desperately wants Clash out of her troubles.
Ext: Cinnamon’s bedroom
She wakes to a phone call; its Chay, Cinnamon’s mom
Fear:
Chay: Good Morning, what a gorgeous day, beautiful, I would love to have you as my guest for dinner tonight.
Cinnamon: Sighs, sure mom but I really need to ask you about my dad, I am the new DA and at my next media junket I want to call out who knows anything about the case.
Chay: (Interrupts Cinnamon) No, you do not need to do that. I said no! Just please come and we’ll talk personally. I will tell you what I know.
Cinnamon hangs up that finally her mom may disclose what she knows after all these years but still no cigar.
Ext: Chay’s home
The dinner table is set for two.
Cinnamon shows up in a tight black off should dress and Chay has on a red gown. There is a smoke-filled with horror music playing in the background
Cinnamon: Hello mom
Chay: My beautiful baby, we need to clear the air. Your father was a wonderful man. He was my knight and shining armor, he was taken from us tragically, and you survived which would have been what he wanted. Whoever pulled you from the wreckage was your dad’s soul rising up and saving his little girl and that is it my sweet.
Cinnamon: It was murder, my years of headaches, heartache, crying mom; mom, you didn’t even seem to care or hold me as a child when I was crying. What about Rick mom?
Chay gets up and the room becomes dark. Its as if she is a witch.
Cinnamon is unable to get out of her chair. Is this some supernatural circumstance?
Cinnamon looks up her mom who looks like the guy in the black hat who was in her home and the guy who pulled her from the car where her father died. Her mom is the joker, dark night egor of some type eating away into her mental state.
Relief:
Cinnamon awakens from her dream it was all a nightmare.
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Ramelle’s Favorite Twists
What I learned is how to get the plot thicker and more entertaining.
Lost Resources Since her mom, Chay has been no help in sorting out the tragedies. Cinnamon is contemplating her move on how to find out about the murders of her dad, stepdad, and boss, Mr. Snyder: she is at her sprawling home getting ready for work as if it is Monday morning. Normally the day is hectic for the new District Attorney. She leaves her home and as she is driving, the police tailgate her. The police tell her to pull over as the new DA thinks he is offering a procession maybe to work. As Cinnamon looks in her rearview mirror; she is startled; the policeman in all black. Wait, (Cinnamon reacts)
Cinnamon ‘Is this the man who tried to break into my apartment.
Officer Long Why? Good morning, Ms. Johnson
Cinnamon Good Morning, May I ask why you stop me?
Officer Long, you were a bit over the limit.
Cinnamon, I was a little, but I understand you have your job to do but I really must get to business. Can I have your name officer?
Officer Long “Officer Long,” and Ms. Johnson let me escort you to the office.
Cinnamon Sure, I can keep my eye on you
New Resource: Maybe Officer Long can help her find answers.
It Just Got Worse: Cinnamon leaves work and heads to get dinner at one of her favorite soul food restaurant, Madea’s. She gets her pre=ordered meal and heads back to her car when out of nowhere a hobo tries to grab her purse, she fights back and out of nowhere a man sees this and helps her fight off the attacker and saves her purse. The man is a handsome, debonair, athletic gentleman who saves the day. He asks if she is okay, and she says that she is fine. Who are you? She asks; Clash, I’m Clash Stevenson. Thank you for helping me. Look, let me get you some more food. Is that cool? She takes him up on the offer. It Just Got Better: Future husband, lover, mate Clash Stevenson has arrived.
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Ramelle’s Likability Empathy Justification
What I learned doing this assignment is showing how my character can have depth and range.
Cinnamon Johnson is a vivacious, young woman out to get justice for father/stepfather/boss untimely death.
Cinnamon Johnson has a great deal of love for humanity.
The one thing I know Cinnamon wants to do is give justice to those less fortunate.
At 17 years old Cinnamon finds her mother’s fiancĂ© dead of a gunshot wound on his wedding day.
Cinnamon Johnson finds joy and comfort in being in love. She falls for the owner of the Firm where she works but he mysteriously ends up dead.
Cinnamon’s kindness and soft-heartedness comes out of growing up faster than she ever expected with experiencing loss of her father at the age of 5 followed by finding her mother’s fiancĂ© dead of a gunshot wound and on top of that her lover’s death. She has consistent loss and devastation but seems to smile outwardly; still carrying a big smile.
Undeserved misfortune- Death has exposed itself to Cinnamon but steadily she endures. Deaths of father/stepfather/lover
The love of her mother. Cinnamon’s mom Chay knows everything but will not divulge information. Chay is a former detective married to Grover, a hired assassin.
Is Chay protecting her daughter? Or is she the villain? For not wanting to talk about what she knows, even with her own daughter.
Cinnamon suffers from PTSD; she claims to have seen someone dressed in black pull her from the wreckage of the car accident she was involved with her dad.
For many years rumors have spread throughout the town where she grew up that her mother, Chay, had motive for Grover and Rick Devin.
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Ramelle’s Story Map
What I learned with this assignment is to intermingle the criteria of the Mission, Action, and Villains’ tracks together
Opening: Cinnamon Johnson is a high-powered African American Attorney, she is young, vivacious, and stunningly gorgeous. She has just been voted in as the new District Attorney for Los Angeles and the year is 2034.
Inciting Incident: Cinnamon grew up in a wealthy family. Her mother Chay married Grover Johnson, they were high school sweethearts. Chay was a Police Officer, but her husband was a hitman, one of the best in the business. When Chay became Lead Detective of her precinct she had no idea of her husband’s work status until an explosive drug deal where her husband decides to leave that life for a more straight and narrow path. After he leaves the life to spend more quality time with the love of his life, a child is born to them. Cinnamon Johnson they name the child. Grover becomes a stay-at-home dad, a life of bliss. When Cinnamon turns 5, mom is Lead Detective and bread winner; Grover becomes a stay-at-home dad with his daughter, even though he knows his past may catch up he tries to be settled as a husband and father. On rainy evening of June 8, Grover leaves the house to pick dinner from the local restaurant; he straps his daughter in the car seat unfortunately the car spins out of control and he crashes into a tree, fortunately some wearing what appears to be dark clothing pulls Cinnamon from the wreckage and she survives with minor injuries but since that day she had remembrances, nightmares, frustration, and wants to know what happened to Dad.
First Turning Point End of Act One: Cinnamon has long asked her mom about her dad, she has extremely sweet memories of him, but they are vague. Cinnamon has always made it a point to be smart, ambitious, ready and a power player. She graduated high school with honors. This is when her mother, Chay Johnson decided to marry a second time to a man named Rick Devin. Rick was a city official with ties to city government and planning. Chay and Rick had started dating when Cinnamon was 12; she grew close to Rick, he became the second father. Chay stopped working as a Police officer with the intention of helping her new husband with city planning. With Rick as a hard-edged City Councilman, he had enemies. The wedding was planned for July 25th. It was a beautiful day in Southern California. The wedding ceremony is at Rick’s palatial mansion on the hilltop. The groom is kept away from the blushing bride who is downstairs in the gazebo. The guests is making their way. Rick is inside with the groomsmen, and he tells them to leave when suddenly a knock at his front door, Rick answers and is confronted by an enemy. Meanwhile the wedding is about to get started. Cinnamon, who is only 17 at these times asks her mom.
Hero “Where is your groom mom?”
Villian “Of course it’s unlucky for the bride to see the groom. But the daughter can check on him for me, (wink)
Cinnamon goes into the house and finds Rick dead of a gunshot wound on the kitchen floor on his wedding day. After Rick’s death, Chay Johnson runs and wins the City Council position from sentimental support.
Mid Point: The death of two fathers has been tormenting to Cinnamon. Chay has kept silent about the tragedies. Is the silence a deep regret, sorrow or hiding the truth?
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Cinnamon wants to solve the mystery in the deaths of her father and stepfather, yes even though the marriage didn’t take place she still sees Rick as a stepfather; plagued by these devasting memories she asks her mom. She graduates high school with top honors, enrolls in law school, passes the bar, and lands a job at the Snyder Firm. With her beauty and vivacious manner, she and Lou Snyder develop a special friendship. They get close, become lovers and her confidant, lover and friend ends up dead. Why are the men in her life see an unfortunate doom?
Crisis Cinnamon has no choice but the put these tragedies to rest. Unknowing after Snyder’s death her the Firm in his will and she takes the lead on finding truth. Whoever pulled her from the wreckage with her father knows something? Who is responsible for Rick Devins death? Who would have it in for Snyder?
Climax: She decides to become an undercover operative. Let the games begin.
Resolution: She finds a new love Clash Stevenson and gets the answers, piece by piece by piece.
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Ramelle’s Action Structure
What I learned is that the soup needs more ingredients.
Opening- Cinnamon (Hero) has come home from a long day as a District Attorney suffering from PTSD from witnessing her biological father’s death from a car crash; she gets info the shower- comes out of the shower puts on her robe. With loud music glaring as she gets comfortable and comes to her black long kinky dark hair she thinks back to the crash and she finds herself staring at the mirror. Suddenly the music stops; she hears what sounds like a door opening.
Inciting_Incident- Cinnamon (Hero) suffers from PTSD she hears the door and by her mother being an ex-Cop she is prepared. As what sounds as the door opening she grabs a gun out of her bathroom drawer and heads down the steps of her palatial 4 bedroom home on the ocean. The door handle is difficult but she is quietly going down the steps in her robe. The door is clicked open and she then knocks down the tiny lamp and because the home is securely armed with sensors an alarm buzzes and she sees a man dressed in dark-colored clothes but the image runs off without entering the home. Cinnamon runs to the door, fires a warning shot, and scares the man/woman in dark clothing away. She comes back inside and locks the door; goes through every inch of the house armed with a 38-caliber. She even checks the security camera but doesn’t see anything. She changes into a T-shirt and sweats; and calls the police to be safe. Chief of Police and other friends of the force check every area of the home and nothing checks out. Is this Cinnamon’s PTSD in overdrive. After everything is checked; she thinks back to when she was 5 years old, a car burning and the driver slumped over in the front seat. Cinnamon, as a child is screaming and there is an image of a person wearing dark-colored clothes who picks her up, next thing she remembers waking up in the hospital; and her mother in the hallway screaming after getting news that someone in the crash died.
First (Turning Point at the end of Act 1) – At work the next day, Cinnamon’s cell phone rings and it’s her mother, Chay; Cinnamon eagerly tells her mom that she needs to talk to her; She wants to know what happened to her dad. Her mother sounds confused and says that was a painful time in her life; she has no recollection of what really happened as she wasn’t there and is wondering why Cinnamon has interests but Cinnamon presses her on the issue. Will she tell or won’t she?
Mid-Point – Cinnamon meets up with her new beau, Clash Stevenson, a Car Salesman whom she met when she purchased her Porsche 911. As she sits in her office chair the phone rings it is Clash. They talk and decide to meet; Cinnamon is happy. She walks out of the office building, gets on the elevator, gets into her Porsche 911. As she is driving she looks in the rearview mirror and thinks she is being followed; she sees someone dressed in dark colored clothes, black shades, and a black hat. Cinnamon, who is a defensive driving expert speeds up to lose the car but a car chase ensues. Cinnamon dodges the person driving the Bugatti Chiron, shakes the driver as she turns into a ditch just on the outskirts of a town; 30 miles from where she actually lives. Who is this dark-colored image who keeps tugging at her imagination/or is it not just her imagination?
Second Turning Point- Cinnamon makes it home safely to find Clash there with dinner smelling awesome she grabs him crying, they kiss and start making love. In bed, she asks Clash if he thinks she is crazy and fears someone is after her. Then he begins to tell her the story of when she remembers being 5. The car crash that killed her father but she remarkably survived and since this happened she has been in fear of her own life.
Crisis- Next day she is at her mom’s home. She knocks on the door of a palatial home in Beverly Hills. Her mom answers the door holding her poodle, Bear. Cinnamon goes into detail about the incidents at her home, car chase and wants to know what happened to her dad, Grover; “Why did I survive and he didn’t” Chay doesn’t remember and asks Cinnamon to forget about the past because obviously, she has. But Cinnamon yells, “Mom, What about the rumors of dad’s cheating on you before his death, and the rumors of you wanting to get even; “Not true” then her mother grows angry and frustrated. “I loved your father; please leave his memory as it is; stop taking us back in the past.” Cinnamon goes on; “What about Rick mom, he died on your wedding day, remember mom; I was 17 years old and he was dead in the kitchen, explain that mom”. Her mom walks up to Cinnamon and slaps her face.
Climax- Cinnamon sees her mom as the enemy due to her mom never speaking about her dad’s or her mother’s fiance Rick Devin’s death. Both men dead under suspicious circumstances. How does she get answers?
Resolution- Cinnamon has to be the District Attorney by day and Private Investigator by night.
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Ramelle’s Action Track
What I am learning is that Action should provide movement, the evasion of existence for the Hero.
A) SetUp Scene: Cinnamon is on the hunt to resolve the truth in her father’s death who she has no idea was a top hired assassin. The fight starts after she becomes a top Prosecutor, determined to put away bad guys. So to some criminals, she is a threat. Her life becomes a target after she tries to take down; Todd Rodrigo, a known drug lord, and her boss/lover ends up dead. On a brisk, bright Monday morning she gets out of bed, puts on her robe, washes her face, brushes her teeth and walks to the kitchen and hears a latch open, and goes to get her gun out of her living room drawer. Let the games begin.
B) Dangerous situation: She sees an image, a man dressed in black clothing, a burglar; she shouts “Hey” and the image runs, she comes out of her million-dollar home as to shoot and the person runs off. She call 911; what a morning to have to protect her life and property.
C) Interrogation: The police come to her home of course Cinnamon is known by her profession as a leading Proscuter so the Chief Police Lawrence Buchanon is there to assist. He askes her the question about who she saw, at this point, Cinnamon starts having (PTSD) thoughts of the car crash that killed her dad and remembers seeing someone in dark clothes pulling her to safety out of the wreckage when she was only 5 years young. Could this be the same person? Why would they run from her home?
D) Competition: The whole incident has Cinnamon nervous, anxious and upset; so she goes to the closest person she can talk to and that is (Villian?) Chay Johnson (mother). She drives in a black Porsche 500 to her mother’s palatial home and wants to know the truth. Her mom (Villian) says she doesn’t remember because the memories of Grover dying has caused painful memories. But Cinnamon (hero) says she needs to know about her father, and Chay is mum about the issue even getting upset with her daughter (Cinnamon) and asking her to leave. Cinnamon feels she is at a dead end but will find the truth on her own.
E) Torture: Cinnamon must put a plan in motion to find out about her father, Grover on her own as well as who killed her stepdad, Rick, are the rumors true that her mother may have had both men killed due to her being a Lead Detective. What are the answers?
The Plot Thickens
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Ramelle’s Villian Track
What I learned is Chay (Villian) may or may not be the only obstacle that doesn’t want Cinnamon (Hero) to know the truth.
Obstacle: Chay and Grover Johnson were high school sweethearts. After graduation, Chay joined the police academy and Grover served (2) used in special military forces during the Iraq war. Chay graduated becoming a rookie cop and was quickly promoted to Lead Detective in the Drug Enforcement Unit. She had no idea her husband would be a top hitman hired to assassinate a top drug lord in Miami. The information crossed paths as she became involved in the whereabouts of the hitman when her Unit got info the hitman was coming to the Los Angeles area. Could this be the reason she is keeping her past from Cinnamon to protect her daughter and even herself?
Stressor: (1) The first victim (Grover Johnson) death was deemed as accidental but Cinnamon (Hero) was also a passenger. Could Grover’s hitman past have caught up with him? (2) Or Could his wife being Lead Detective and another person finding out about the jobs of both her and her husband lead to the tragedy. Chay must keep this information secret to save her daughter/or drive a wedge between them both.
Calamity: A hired assassin is married to a Lead Detective and the bond of not knowing creates a love that cannot be destroyed. The bitterness that Chay Johnson (Villian) has caused her to second guess even her own solidarity with her daughter. Maybe/maybe not
Secrecy: Chay knows more about her husband’s deeds than she wants to explore. Then there is a second victim (Rick Devin), a man who came to Chay’s aide when Grover was killed. Cinnamon found him shot dead on Chay and his wedding day. This made Chay (Villian) even angrier than she already was with the loss of Grover.
The Plot Thickens
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What I learned about this activity is to manifest the mission in the storyline.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? Cinnamon (Hero) has been suffering from PTSD, panic attacks from being the lone survivor in a fatal car crash that killed her biological father; (Hero) also discovers the body of her Stepfather dead from a gunshot wound in her home. Both men were her mentors; wealthy, powerful men in the affluent neighborhood where she grew up. She cannot manage the pain, so she feels the need to get answers because she somehow feels responsible as she was only 5 years young at the time of her father’s death and 17 years young when she found her stepfather.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? Cinnamon (Hero) is a lawyer, hell-bent on putting away bad guys after witnessing the demise of two important people in her life. She becomes driven to find out about their lives, she hires a Private Investigator to find out the truth behind these cold cases as she remembers/has visions/nightmares of someone saving her from the car crash and fleeing from the scene without realizing her life may also be in danger.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? Family secrets, Her Mother (Villian) hides her background to protect her lovers; she knows the truth, but the truth may in fact be deadly for our (Hero), or could the answers make the father/stepfather the real villains? The plot thickens
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? Cinnamon can only think of the villain being her own mother as she has never talked about what really happened to her lovers; Cinnamon (Hero) father and stepfather; Has her mother (villain) grieved or has this been an act to hide the truth. The mission is for Cinnamon to either clear her mom’s name as rumors have spread of her mother’s “alleged” involvement in the (2) deaths.
Motivation: The quest to find the truth about the demise of her father/stepfather
Inciting: Mother/daughter relationship tarnished by rumors in her town.
Incident: Rumors swirl about her mother’s knowledge and involvement in the tragedies.
First Action: Cinnamon (Hero) is a high powered who is hell-bent on finding the answers to past tragedies in her family.
Obstacle: Mother may/may not have the answers but if she does it may hurt the (Hero) or unravel secrets of the (Villian) past or even the men she loved so she tries to keep Cinnamon (hero) from the mystery.
Escalation: The Villian (Mother) has never told her the truth even as Cinnamon (Hero) is now a full-grown adult.
Overwhelming Odds: Is the Hero (Cinnamon) a lawyer stepping into danger by investigating these high-profile deaths of powerful men with dangerous waters she may have to tread.
New Plan: Is the mother (Villian) protecting her from danger or out to put away anyone who is interested in finding out the truth about her lover’s slayings.
Full out Attack: Cinnamon (Hero) confronts her mother about her father/stepfather and mom says she knows nothing. Then Cinnamons asks her mother (villain) about rumors of her involvement in the deaths, and she denies the allegations but why are there even allegations against her and Cinnamon (Hero) wants answers.
Success: Cinnamon finds out the truth. Was it worth the risk? Has she lost the person closest to her heart (Her own mother)?
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What I learned is the assessment of finding the villain.
Morally right; Cinnamon Johnson’s plight to find why the men in her life are taken away out of mysterious circumstances.
Villian: Her mother doesn’t want her to find out the truth; she has never really grieved or spoken about her two husbands’ demise.
1. Concept: Mother-daughter relationship/ Family bond or rivalry/Family secrets
Hero:
Unique skill set: Smart, driven, beautiful, respected
Motivation: find out the truth about her father, stepfather’s death
Secret: Affair with boss
Villian: Mother
A. She knows the truth but is hiding it from her daughter or is she protecting her daughter
B. Never talk about what can destroy the relationship or does she herself have a lurid past
C. If Cinnamon finds out the truth it could be her downfall
Impossible Mission
A. Cinnamon has asked her mom: What happened to daddy, and she doesn’t want to talk about it; then Cinnamon must find out why?
B. Cinnamon is already an Attorney, so she hires a private detective to investigate the deaths of her biological father killed when he crashed his car Cinnamon was also in the car, a child at the time survived
C. Someone is keeping her from finding out the truth
If she finds out the truth, she can control her life; her mind is settled and free.
A. Cinnamon feels she is somehow at fault for her father’s death. Why did she survive? Throughout her upbringing, she feels she must find out the truth when other things about the family’s business holdings begin to unravel.
B. At the time of her father’s death, she remembers crying for help; someone was there but left Who was this mysterious person who left the scene? Who was the mysterious person who saved her life?
C. Cinnamon must take matters into her own hands due to her PTSD.
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Ram’s Conventions
What I enjoy is brainstorming on this project in my mind for some and bringing this to fruition.
The amazing Character hero is Cinnamon Johnson, a beautiful smart, intelligent woman who grew up in a wealthy family; graduated ivy league and passes the bar on the first try; becomes a Lawyer by day, informant by night?
What is the demand for action? She has lost her father, stepfather, and boss, all the men who meant something special to her (emotional journey)
What is her mission? Who or what is responsible for taking away people she loves?
Antagonist? Unknown
How will this action escalate? A lawyer tries to find out who? or what? is responsible for the losses in her life.
Concept- The hero, Cinnamon must find out why the men close to her meet a terrible demise.
Impossible mission- Dad killed in a car crash when she was only 5 years old Cinnamon survives but her father dies; Mother remarries, stepfather killed mysteriously; now come to present her boss/lover is killed mysteriously
Engaging journey- She needs to know why? the men in her life meet a mysterious demise
Incredible action–Cinnamon is the badass who wants to find out why? and learns some twists, turns, doubts about her family and the man she fell in love with.
Intriguing World-The non-stop existence of betrayal.
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Ramelle
I agree to the terms of this release form
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1. Hello to All, I am Ramelle
2. I have written blog posts but in 2017 I was in the process of writing a novel and now I want to turn this into a script.
3. I want to learn more about screenwriting. I have actually been trying to break into this business for almost 20 years; now is my time.
4. Something unique, I-m short 🙂
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@Joan Edwards I want to thank you on the feedback for the Cinnamon Story; it means a great deal and yes, rewite, rewrite is in the works.
Your script is very engaging. I would like to see this go further. The descriptions are impactful.
Good
17. Ansaca goes to bank to get secret documents. Real Bladen pins guards to the wall with his knives and daggers. He hogties them and mummifies them with ropes and huge double-sided cellophane tape. Bladen gets inside vaults. Ansaca puts documents from secret vault in a big briefcase and is about to escape when Bladen stands in front of him blocking his exit.
Your crisis is outright awesome. Continue with all that you have and bring us more in-depth into this scandal, and betrayal of brokenness.
Banks, fraud, home mortgage, government the ideas and imaginations could go on. All the best on this project.
Kudos
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Thanks @Cameron Martin for your feedback. I am still in the process of the second version of my Cinnamon Story.
I have read “Possessing Eden” and I am still waiting for some dialogue. The story has great details but there is no character building.
An example in the open
Scene 1. We open on the first floor of a massive nine story high rise. It’s dark, a maze-like ruin with holes in the wall that weave from one room to another, and what appear to be grave sites toppled on top of each other. There, a child hides in the shadows from a mechanical being that just killed both of the child’s parents. Janus, an android with the ability to “possess” different machines, protects and saves this little boy from the killer robot.
Great details but no storyline.
Details of the (maze-like) ruin. Paint a picture. It seems interesting but you write (what appears to be kinda like you not sure)
Then you have the boy who is missing a device from his neck, needed for the afterlife protocol.
I am sure once this gets loaded it will be great. Although the descriptions are captivating, it is not pulling me in to know more.
Hope this helps and all the best on your ventures.
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@Cameron Martin
I just read your story “Possessing Eden” I would like to give you feedback.