[Randy Hines]

What makes this scene great? great way to start off a series/scene with lots of questions demanding answers

How 9 pieces of new info are revealed.

– the pants

– the RV

– the driver who we come to know at the end of the scene

– the passenger in a gas mask

– the unconscious person in the gas mask rolling in the back

– the gun

– the sirens approaching

– is the driver being chased?

– is this a drug thing?

Each reveal makes u want to know the answer, doing what good pilots do and compelling you to come back next week. The reveal at the end of Walter and who he is answers the immediate question of who he is. His statement of this not being a confession only posits more questions needing to be answered.

[Randy Hines]

a simple, bold concept in the tradition of gross-out comedies. each character’s pov is represented here as it was earlier in the story but moved to an incident with food poisoning at the worst possible moment. the fart gags, vomit gags, poop gags and the thing with the almonds and sweat dripping down her hair are hilarious in context. in writing, there’s the concept of taking a moment to the fifth option or the tenth option. I think they did that here. The first option might have been a burp, some sweat and a mad dash to the bathroom, unseen – not so here. Capped off with pooping in an all-white wedding dress in the traffic is the definition of tenth option.

[Randy Hines]

the setup is such that we don’t know yet who the trio of agents are and just how powerful they are. this is paid off later when, after the twist of Neo’s mouth, they drop a tracker into his body and he wakes up as if it had all been a dream. It wasn’t. The world comes into somewhat sharper focus with the twist but we still don’t know the entire world. The twist is an intro into the world and will keep being setup and paid off as we go forward in the narrative. In my own scripts, one can have a twist irrespective of genre. I don’t know if I can have morphing mouths but I can have an event, something revealed, that turns a scene on its head and everything changes from there.

[Randy Hines]

shark fins in the water is pretty much a metaphor for suspense. add relevant music. add a closeup of shoes slipping and nearly falling from a boat ledge. add a ticking clock of the action with the barrels. the dialogue “we’re gonna need a bigger boat’ underscoring the stakes. All of these elements are about tension: the push pull of what you want to happen versus what you fear will happen…getting away unscathed versus being eaten by a great white shark. I can use this technique in any of the scenes in the thriller I’m writing. Editing is another component that filmmakers use to augment the tension/expense and this can be done on the page and not just in the editing room (or software0.

[Randy Hines]

two sides of the same coin. their relationship relates to the overall themes of the movie – the darkness and the light. dark knight versus white knight. and which does Gotham need most in the final analysis. Joker compels Batman to be the dark knight to pretty much go against his own creed of not killing people to best him which is anathema to Batman. In this way the Joker wins…almost. as a chaos agent who just wants to watch the world burn, the Joker is defeated in a way by what happens on the ship. he expects humans to turn on each other for self-serving reasons but they don’t. in this scenario, the light wins and, along with Batman, defeats the Joker. for all Batman’s strength, he can’t compel a genius-level psychopath with nothing to lose, or gain, to capitulate to him and certainly not the law. Joker knows Batman on some level will have to stoop to the same level as everyone else…at what cost? His very soul. There’s more to mine in this relationship which is why it’s so compelling. Yin and Yang, if you will.

[Randy Hines]

the reveal here runs both ways. Peter’s powers are revealed to himself and some of their extent. The tough guy is revealed to be not up to Peter’s strengths and will think twice before engaging Peter again. Peter’s no longer a pushover. Positions here are reversed. It’s a turning point for their interaction. It’s also a turning point for Mary Jane who sees Peter in a new, engaging, intriguing light. Though he’s still, disappointingly, a freak to some in the crowd but that’s more fear of the unknown in typical human parlance.

[Randy Hines]

the amount of subtext in this scene is remarkable regardless of if you’ve seen the movie and know the central conceit. Even the lady in the background of the frame is looking at our protagonist like a piece of meat. Our protag’s interaction with someone he initially perceives to be like himself is turned on its head by a black man with the overall affectation of someone who’s definitely NOT like himself. I’ve seen the movie which puts me, the audience, in superior position – I know why everyone is assessing his physicality, having not a care in the least about his blackness but simply as another body to inhabit. The racial under/overtones of slavery of a new kind and perverse kind serve as a thread that binds.

for those new to the movie, you KNOW something is going on and should very much be willing to find out as the movie doles out more and more information as a setup that is revealed in one very big twist at the end.

subtext is a tough mistress to wield and master. a lot depends on the situation and context. Classism, racism, ageism and other are apparent here as themes and plot devices and used to color around the edges to make this scene and entire movie a fresh and engaging story.

[Randy Hines]

Each character’s POV, likely irrespective of what came before in previous scenes, is on full display here and this is before the orgasm thing. He’s a self-assured dude, hunched over a meat sandwich, secure in his ability to satisfy a woman. Confidence is his game and it seems he’s somewhat dismissive of women and their wiles. She is confident in her own right and matches his and one-ups him by fake orgasming not only in front of him but an entire diner to make her point. At the end of this scene, if the characters weren’t on equal footing before, they are now. He’s been taken down a peg. She’s risen a bit to superior position, her point having been made.

obviously the scene is entertaining comedically with whip-smart dialogue and a good chemistry between meg Ryan and billy crystal. one wonders if the paradigm of romcoms from that era would be as effective in today’s world. What’s the norm in today’s parlance was what this scene was all about 30 years ago.

But one can learn to make sure a character’s actions and dialogue are in keeping with their established POV. Even better if their POV is opposition to one another and creating intrinsic conflict. And you don’t have a good scene without conflict.

[Randy Hines]

Other than the overused name of “Jack” for a character, I can see any actor being attracted to the elements of the scene. It’s a hero thing. a deeply harrowing situation of literally life and death and our hero makes the most of literally saving people’s lives in the process. Tension is off the charts with the live engine still whirring, the payoff being someone sucked into it later and the engine exploding, a pregnant woman thrown into labor by the crash, the teamwork of pulling the pinned man from under the wreckage, Jack has medical trauma skills. We’re introduced to major characters though we don’t know them but we know their immediate drama and immediately care about their predicament and how Jack guides them through it.It’s very easy to have resonance with the scene, placing ourselves there and almost feeling what it would be like. All dialogue is specific to the moment with no extraneous and yet little bits of character are revealed as we go from person to person…certainly in the case of Jack.

[Randy Hines]

For American Beauty, it’s a matter of bringing each character’s arc to a close by resolution. Let’s contrast this with, say, what happens in the first part of the first act. If not for an inciting incident, the world we dip into at the beginning for our characters would just go on as it has previously. Here at the end, their lives are changed forever. Mysteries are revealed. Relationships are solidified or irrevocably torn asunder. Lester Burnham was already dead as the narrator but we’re reliving all the machinations that lead to his death and all the things he learned about life and himself. Even the guy who killed him reaches a reckoning with his hidden/secret orientation and deep-seated anger by lashing out at Lester for forcing him to acknowledge this reckoning but reacts to his advances being spurned by Lester. Killing Lester was HIS resolution. All the other resolutions were tied to flashbacks of a happier time in contrast to their collective/individual worlds, their new normal (without Lester) now going forward.

[Randy Hines]

Scene arc – a flow of back and forth and the display of power. Jessup starts in the superior position but over the course of the scene is ground under by the truth of his crime, leaving Kaffee the victor

situation – a military trial, code of ethics and conduct,

conflict – a lawyer with no combat experience dressing down a career colonel who has all the power.

moving the story forward – the reveal of the code red order is the twist that moves things further along. Our antagonist, chastened, pulls rank but the judge pulls rank on him, forcing Jessup to comply.

entertainment value – good dialogue (from Aaron Sorkin) and acting personalities bring the scene to life. Likely reading pages of the phone book would be entertaining with Cruise and Nicholson. Truly needed given the trope of courtroom scenes.

setups/payoffs – a mystery of what Jessup did is revealed. it’s hidden at first but the payoff, the truth, is the payoff sought after since the beginning of the story when Santiago was killed.

I learned that a scene, any scene, can crescendo from small beginnings to have an explosive climax with a reveal underpinning a satisfying payoff at the end where the antagonist meets justice and the protagonist survives to fight another day.

[Randy Hines]

In the first scene, the twist is the hypnosis. After a very warm greeting and discussion to butter him up, she engages a hypnotic tactic with the teacup and its rhythmic sounds. This in conjunction with a traumatic event in the protag’s past, sets the path to the sunken place, a point of no return – innocence, and sets the tone and stakes for the rest of the story.

The second scene relates to the flash photography which removes the black man from his thrall, his bloody nose perhaps the manifestation of his physical struggle to free himself. Our protag sees this struggle and begins to put the pieces together especially when, after the black guy “calms” down, he’s back to normal as if nothing happened.

The third scene it’s the keys that the girlfriend states she has in her possession but won’t share them for our protagonist to escape. Subsequently, the hypnotic catalyst of the teacup sends our protagonist into the sunken place for further experimentation. There’s no going back to his and Rose’s relationship after this betrayal.

I learned that there are myriad ways of amping up the engagement of the viewer by employing the tactic of a twist that keeps the audience “on their toes”. This is also why some movies persevere at the box office and benefit from word of mouth, like early Shyamalan movies, as those moments lift the narrative from its regular track and takes it to a new level and one engages on THAT level.

[Randy Hines]

In the first scene, the twist is the hypnosis. After a very warm greeting and discussion to butter him up, she engages a hypnotic tactic with the teacup and its rhythmic sounds. This in conjunction with a traumatic event in the protag’s past, sets the path to the sunken place, a point of no return – innocence, and sets the tone and stakes for the rest of the story.

The second scene relates to the flash photography which removes the black man from his thrall, his bloody nose perhaps the manifestation of his physical struggle to free himself. Our protag sees this struggle and begins to put the pieces together especially when, after the black guy “calms” down, he’s back to normal as if nothing happened.

The third scene it’s the keys that the girlfriend states she has in her possession but won’t share them for our protagonist to escape. Subsequently, the hypnotic catalyst of the teacup sends our protagonist into the sunken place for further experimentation. There’s no going back to his and Rose’s relationship after this betrayal.

I learned that a well-placed and setup twist can make the difference in an compelling a reader to continue reading your story. Mini-twists can be employed to do a similar thing in scenes throughout the narrative. This what creates a page turner.

[Randy Hines]

I found the call to adventure in the scene to be a little weak. This may be due to to expectations of the genre from that era of moviemaking. I think today, that aspect would be far greater and less subtle. I found the POV of the different characters to move the story along and engender lots of conflict to base future scenes upon. The notion that the Fonda character just wants to talk shows him to be levelheaded in his prosecution/discernment of other people: empathy. The other characters, not so much. I think any scenes I would write at this stage of the story would place set and really drive each character’s POV. Members of the audience would immediately have resonance with one or more characters then be challenged by reveals and reversals and force upon the audience that cognitive dissonance that engages by the end. That’s a good strategy to employ in my scenes even action-filled with blood and viscera…it makes the mayhem more personal and not just empty spectacle. Pitting disparate personality types together and seeing what comes out.

[Randy Hines]

1. As a member of this group, I, Randy Hines, agree to the terms of this release form:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Randy Hines]

from the top, there’s mystery, intrigue and suspense. It’s obviously a heist but run by who. The characters, who die as part of a master plan, reveal something to the audience about who’s behind it all even though they don’t exactly know who’s behind it all. Neither the henchmen, nor the audience is in superior position but parts of the mystery are being laid out. To say nothing of the stakes of robbing a bank and how the players get into position. We even learn that these guys aren’t robbing a regular bank, but a bank for gangsters…raising the stakes even further. Suspense undergirds every scene. Mystery is revealed to be the Joker at the end who’s the mastermind. Intrigue as this is the tip of the spear of the framework of the story that’s about to be told. Expository but handed off between characters so one doesn’t get bored.

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT

What I learned is: you can pretty much map an outline of your story using the tenets of misdirection, clues, reveals and mysteries that, structurally, take you through each act or even mini-movie.

1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection

A. The Red Herring character. – Mosko is setup as the villain with the most motivation but in the end, due to circumstance, he’s still a red herring since his little girl, Rosario, is the ultimate villain

B. The Villain’s plan. -Mosko leaving a map telling his pursuers where he is. Mac and the audience might think it’s a trap but it’s all part of Mosko’s desire to die and to compel his pursuers at a time and place of his choosing, to kill him. Also, Peter’s overall plan to go legit after tying up loose ends – Mosko being that loose end he failed to snuff out initially, now he’s escaped and must bring in Mac Grant to find him in Mexico.

C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.” NA

2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.

A. Clue Misdirection.

B. Character Misdirection. – Villarreal is not who he seems at first

C. Dialogue Misdirection. – as Mosko is killing Father Guzman, the padre implores Mosko to “seek life in all things”. Mosko retorts that “life is not what I seek”, and kills the padre.

Act 1

Mystery:who are the white-faced acolytes and what do they want?

Act 2

Mystery: what secret does Texas Ranger Joe Crowley harbor about Mac’s deceased father that will serve to Mac’s benefit?

Bella/Eloy distrust: Eloy can’t be trusted, as the killer of Mosko’s wife Irina and Peter Arteaga’s new henchman, it’s only a matter of time before he turns on Mac and Bella. But when?

Clue: Rosario is impervious to poisonous spiders and scorpions

Life threatening: skirmish between rival cartel groups add more danger.

Twist: Mosko’s white-faced acolytes, unbeknownst to him, have taken up the mantle of “YoSoy Commun” – loosely translated “power to the people” and have used this rallying cry to attack the rival cartels and destabilize the entire region, often at the expense of their lives.

Twist/Mystery: the acolytes fear Mosko but worship Rosario. Why?

Act 3

Twist: Mosko, Rosario and Nina (the kidnapped American girl) have become an ersatz family amid all the killing and ritual sacrifice.

Character Misdirection: Mac nearly rapes Bella in a moment of despair mistaken for passion. Mac realizes that in this moment he’s no better than all the men in Bella’s life who see her as nothing…or don’t see her at all.

Reveal: we see Bella’s son, Paolo, as one of a throng of Mosko’s acolytes but he’s already too far gone. Bella is unaware of his presence.

Reveal: Rosario is the Goddess Coatlicue and the true villain

4. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put that at the top of your work.

Subject line: (Your name) Misdirects…When Appropriate!

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT 13: Misdirect

Misdirects, properly placed, can elicit the “thrill” that many moviegoers are looking for in the moment that keeps them engaged. My story, by its structure, doesn’t have alot of these elements but I post them here and will keep looking for any opportunity to do them meaningfully.

1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection

A. The Red Herring character. – Mosko is setup as the villain with the most motivation but in the end, due to circumstance, he’s still a red herring since his little girl, Rosario, is the ultimate villain

B. The Villain’s plan. -Mosko leaving a map telling his pursuers where he is. Mac and the audience might think it’s a trap but it’s all part of Mosko’s desire to die and to compel his pursuers at a time and place of his choosing, to kill him

C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.” NA

2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.

A. Clue Misdirection.

B. Character Misdirection. – Villarreal is not who he seems at first

C. Dialogue Misdirection. – as Mosko is killing Father Guzman, the padre implores Mosko to “seek life in all things”. Mosko retorts that “life is not what I seek”, and kills the padre.

3. Decide on the ones that work and add them to the Thriller Map.

4. Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put that at the top of your work.

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT 12

List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.

Who is the Goddess Coatlicue?

People showing up in Mac’s early investigation with painted faces

Cauldrons of dead people ritually killed

Rumors from mac’s past of a Coatlicue statue

A little boy, mistaken at first for Bella’s Paolo, dressed up with ritual painted face

Finding the statue of Goddess Coatlicue

Rosario taking the statue at the end and “becoming” the Goddess

How does Mac’s past allow him to find Mosko?

Mac talks about his past with Bella early on

Mac is estranged from his late father over an incident in his past

Peter Arteaga kidnaps Mac and forces him to work for him in finding Mosko – he has a jacket on Mac and knows of his past religious dealings

Mac clues in on little details in the Mexican countryside including the white faces that remind him of arcane ritualistic practices he’s tried desperately to forget

A passing discussion with Crowley reminds Mac of something from the past
Mac has a flashback scene that goes into detail of what happened as a young DEA agent

What is Mosko’s end game with all these killings? What does he want?

When Mosko kills Father Guzman, the padre begs him to “seek life and all will be revealed”. Mosko retorts “life is not what I seek”.

Mosko is uninterested in money or power, just in his quest to gather items for the killing ritual and his little girl, Rosario

Mosko tells Mac at the end that he only wants to die so that he can rejoin is beloved Irina who was murdered in the first scene.

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT 11

What I learned in this assignment is that one can categorize the actions of myriad elements of the story to create MIS by just asking a few questions of your characters and situations. If answered in the negative, adding these elements in in a way that new information is introduced, covered up and revealed at crucial times, is the “on the edge of your seat” experience that thrillers are known for.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

– Who are the white-faced (painted) people showing up all over the place? <div>

– What or who is “coatlicue”?

– Who is the incarnation of the Goddess Coatlicue?

2. Sequence them to fit into your Thriller Map.

3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:

A. What is the reveal? – that the white-faced people are following a new power or cult and Mosko’s actions inadvertently caused them to rise up on their own <div>

B. How did it get covered up? Because the arcane tenets of the cult were lost to antiquity but Mac Grant, and Bella, figured it out.

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? It’s a mystery to everyone. Peter has intrigue because of flashback to his grandfather where someone with a white-painted face is featured. Suspense stems from just how far these acolytes will go to protect Mosko – even kill.

A. What is the reveal? – rumors of a statue, hidden for centuries and the search for it when it’s finally found by Bella and Mac in a basement, behind another statue in a hidden compartment

B. How did it get covered up? Powerful people hid it centuries ago, deeming it too powerful to rest in mortal hands.

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mac’s mysterious past with religion positions him to have the necessary knowledge and access, given other circumstances

D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. – The Goddess Coatlicue statue is revealed at a moment when Bella thinks she’s found her son, Paolo

A. What is the reveal? – that Rosario is the incarnation of the Goddess Coatlicue

B. How did it get covered up? Who would think a little girl would command such power?

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Little clues throughout like when she was stung by a pair of poisonous arachnids and was unharmed, killing Crowley, as well as her actions at the end.

D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. – The Goddess Coatlicue, Rosario, kills Bella at the end as the end game of the resurrection ritual to bring her mother back

7. Post your assignment on the forums.

</div></div>

[Randy Hines]

Assignment 10

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” It may be possible that I need to have more trust/distrust dynamics for my characters even though, based on how the story is told, heroes and villains are in a chase across vast distances and don’t confront one another until the end. This may be an intrinsic problem with the story and/or I need to augment, regarding trust, this dynamic to further engage the audience in this way.

Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.

1. Make a list of the main characters.

Hero: Mac Grant
Villain: Peter Arteaga <div>

Red Herring Character: Mosko

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Agent Villarreal

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Eloy

2. With each character, ask these questions:

A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? </div><div>

Mac Grant: trustable

Bella Ortiz: trustable

Peter Arteaga: not trustable

Eloy: not trustable

Crowley: trustable

Mosko: trustable

Rosario: not trustable

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

Rosario: she’s an 8 year old. Her passions, especially in terms of resurrecting her mother, are paramount for her, so it’s difficult to give her a trust label
Eloy: has seen it all and, while he works for Peter and will kill you without a thought, his experience in the endeavor of tracking down Mosko, makes him trustable
Mosko: only wants to die. He’s been betrayed by those around him. His code is of the wounded animal, so he’s trustable

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

Eloy is the most malleable character in terms of trust, however, if the conditions were right and Bella had the opportunity to find her son, Paolo, she could easily be someone who would betray to achieve this.

3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero / Villain: Mac is forced to do Peter’s bidding for the greater good of stopping Mosko and stopping the wave of cult killings that could soon find their way into Texas. Mac also doesn’t know that the real villain is Rosario until the final confrontation scene; that she’s been compelling her father to kill in service of resurrecting her mother
Hero / Red Herring Character: Mac doesn’t interact with Mosko until the end but his experience allows him to profile Mosko before they ever meet
Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Agent Villarreal comes across like a legit agent but unbeknownst to Mac, has been corrupted offscreen by Peter, is just a tool of Peter in the “I have eyes everywhere” kind of approach
Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be: Eloy can navigate dangerous, unknown situations in Mexico given his resourceful nature. Mac and Bella know that Eloy will likely turn on them at some point and must stay one step ahead of him while keeping a wary on him in case he turns on a dime…which does when he attempts to kill Bella

4. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship (like I did with Three Days of The Condor) and then add that to your map.

Mac/Mosko

TRUST: no interaction until the end but Mac immediately trusts Mosko to do anything to save his little girl
DISTRUST: Mac distrusts Mosko who, earlier in the story, provided a map to his whereabouts and what likely was going to be a trap
TRUST: Mosko trusts Mac to kill him, which is what he’s wanted all along

Mac/Peter Arteaga

TRUST: Mac is forced to trust that Peter’s ultimate goals of going legit are real. And to do this he must end the growing threat that his former enforcer is causing among the people of Mexico that will soon spread to Texas and “every virgin vein” (drugs)
DISTRUST: Villareal, who works for Peter, and the ambush of Mac and Bella in the safehouse is plenty enough to foment distrust as is the tracker embedded in secret in the phone Peter provides for their use. Also the inclusion of Eloy on this sojourn to find Mosko doesn’t scream trust.
TRUST: Peter shoots Agent Villarreal in the head when he makes a sexual pass at Bella

Mac/Eloy

TRUST: Eloy knows Mosko, and knows where all the bodies are buried, providing invaluable intel and context.
DISTRUST: Eloy tried to kill Mosko which set all this in motion. Who’s to say he might try again. And he does, with Bella.
</div>

[Randy Hines]

1. Meet antagonist, Mosko: cartel enforcer with a night club. His wife, Irina, gets killed and he know the killers. He and his little girl escape with their lives from the massacre. Meet protagonist: MacKnight Grant – former DEA agent, stripped of his duties, guilt-ridden from some past event, estranged from his late father, obsessing over his late father’s transistor radio (what does it mean to him?) shacked up with Bella Ortiz, former prostitute, mourning her child’s kidnapping.

2.

Mosko and Rosario seek refuge in the church. The church rejects them, specifically Rosario (why?), compels Mosko to seek revenge. What will he do?
Mac investigates a string of new kidnappings that have a ritualistic flavor to them but he’s reluctant to go down the path of religion given his past. Bella compels Mac to use his gifts to rescue an American girl who’s just been kidnapped like the others – to do this in honor of her son, Paolo, who was abducted prior to these events.
Meet another antagonist: Peter Arteaga but we don’t know it yet. He’s a cartel leader who wants to go legit but must tie up loose ends – Mosko is one.
Mosko locks in by abducting Father Guzman and killing him (DIRECTION: MOSKO SETS HIS PLAN IN MOTION/TWIST: MOSKO KILLS THE PRIEST WHO REJECTED HIM)
Mac commits to the investigation. Meets Agent Villarreal. Shows his affinity for understanding ritualistic murder – but who is doing all these killings – Mosko or someone else? Mac visits a mentor, Texas Ranger Joe Crowley who seals the deal on Mac investigating and getting his act together with the DEA and to deal with his anger with his father.

3, 4, 5 and 6 – Second Act

3. (30-45)

Mac has a problem. He and Bella are ambushed at a Mexican warehouse in the desert by (TWIST: AGENT VILLARREAL)Agent Villarreal, who’s working for Peter.
Mosko and Rosario set out to ritualize the resurrection of Irina. Part of the ritual involves poisonous arachnids – Rosario gathers a spider and a scorpion in a jar to accomplish this and is stung repeatedly…but is impervious and simply giggles – why? (DIRECTION: ROSARIO IS JUST AN EMOTIONALLY LOST LITTLE GIRL//TWIST: WE SEE THE FIRST HINTS OF SUPERNATURAL EVIL IN ROSARIO)
Peter addresses Mac and Bella who are now under his control. He shoots Villarreal for disrespecting Bella and explains his intentions to Mac. He also explains his motivation in going legit, telling a story of his grandfather and his legend as a chieftain of his people. He compels Mac to help him “sometimes it is better to dance than fight”. Peter sends Mac and Bella and Eloy out to stop Mosko. They have to find him first.

4. (45-60) Something extraordinary will be tried, stated or implied by character’s actions – it will backfire because of vital knowledge that is unknown to both.

Mosko and Rosario get more violent in their ritualistic murders. Villagers start to take notice of the little girl and quickly take up the mantle of ancient prophecy and rituals and begin following Mosko throughout Mexico, destabilizing the entire region and suddenly fighting back against the cartels.
Mac, Bella and Eloy investigate where one of the priests was killed: at Mosko’s dry cleaners, a legit business front for money laundering. They pick up clues to Mosko’s whereabouts: (DIRECTION: MAC ET AL LOOK FOR CLUES AS TO MOSKO’S WHEREABOUTS//TWIST: MOSKO TELLS THEM WHERE HE IS) he’s left a map, mocking them to follow. Why would Mosko let them know where he is?
Mac, Bella and Eloy investigate a Mexican village that was on Mosko’s map. Here, they find a boy festooned with ritual makeup and now an acolyte of Mosko’s. Bella mistakes the boy for her lost son, Paolo. Mac finds a clue nearby about the ritual – a statue.
Rosario begins to connect with the kidnapped American girl, Nina, effectively perceiving her as an ersatz mother given her similar looks to her own mother.
Crowley, Mac’s mentor, finds them in the Mexican desert, immediately conflicts with Eloy.

5. (60-75) Eye openers for Mac. Mac will have to change to get things done.

Rosario throws a tantrum in a bodega. Mosko can’t calm her until villagers see her and kneel like she’s the goddess incarnate.
One of the bands of rogue cartels knows Mosko’s location but lies in wait for the perfect time to kill him.
Eloy contacts Peter at headquarters on the sly. He reports that the gringo Crowley is complicating things. Peter advises to shoot Crowley in the head. Peter also informs Eloy that he’s been following his progress by GPS.
A Bigger Village: a town festival ensues. more rogue cartels arrive. Tensions rise. Mac, Bella, Eloy and Crowley approach up a mountainside. Mosko and Rosario enter the town looking for the right kind of sacrifice and the statue that went over the cliff with Bella .
Eloy tries to kill Bella but she kills him first then falls over the side of a cliff.
Rosario picks out a young woman for a sacrifice. Mosko shoots and kills her from a distance, setting off a firefight and riot.
Mac and Crowley descend the mountain and into the fray, momentarily rescuing the American girl, Nina, until Rosario cuts Crowley’s throat. Mac is incapacitated.
Cartel members get the drop on Mosko and hang him from a tree. Acolytes surround him and he comes back to life. Acolytes attack the cartel with machetes.

6. (75-90) A bigger plan. Mac gathers resources and allies are gathered to put plan in action but it seems to backfire and it looks like Mosko will win.

Mac wakes up in the desert and is confronted by human traffickers. He disposes of them, frees the women and reunites with a very much alive Bella who survived the fall off the cliff and still has the statue.
Mosko, Rosario and Nina take shelter in an abandoned gas station where elements of their makeshift family begin to assert (DIRECTION: NINA GETS HOLD OF DRUGS TO COPE//TWIST: MOSKO, ROSARIO AND NINA HAVE FORMED AN ERSATZ FAMILY OF NECESSITY AND CIRCUMSTANCE AS ACOLYTES AND CARTEL SHOOT EACH OTHER). Nina, a drug addict and self-medicating from the trauma, gets hold of some blow. They are attacked by another group of cartel but are beaten back and defeated by yet another wave of acolytes. Rosario addresses them…like a little goddess.
Mac, in emotional distress and under constant threat, takes solace in Bella but almost rapes her. Very similar to how she was raped repeatedly in her life as a former prostitute. Mac realizes what he almost was compelled to do. (DIRECTION: MAC AND BELLA ARE A TEAM, ON THE HUNT//TWIST: MAC BETRAYS BELLA AND THE LOVE THEY SHARE BY NEARLY RAPING HER)

7 and 8

7. Biggest battle:

Peter decides to make his play but is killed in an ambush by Mosko’s acolytes, beheaded with all his men.
Mac reaches Mosko but Mosko only wants to die which enrages Rosario. Mosko begs Mac to kill him but leaves him to find Bella. Nina tells Rosario that her mother is not being resurrected which nearly gets her killed before Bella saves her. Rosario kills her instead as the completion of the ritual.

8. The “new world”

A blood curdling scream. Bella is dead, killed by Rosario who expects her mother to come alive. She doesn’t. Mac is distraught and proceeds to attempt to choke the life out of Rosario. Mosko attempts to intercede but is dropped by two bullets in the brain from Mac’s gun.
Mac releases Rosario and tells Nina to get the hell out to find safety.
Mac relinquishes his talisman, his late father’s transistor radio, and throws it out into the night. Rosario is watching him, sensing Mac losing himself. She smiles up at him…a bloody machete still in her hand. – FADE OUT

[Randy Hines]

1. Meet antagonist, Mosko: cartel enforcer with a night club. His wife, Irina, gets killed and he know the killers. He and his little girl escape with their lives from the massacre. Meet protagonist: MacKnight Grant – former DEA agent, stripped of his duties, guilt-ridden from some past event, estranged from his late father, obsessing over his late father’s transistor radio (what does it mean to him?) shacked up with Bella Ortiz, former prostitute, mourning her child’s kidnapping.

2.

Mosko and Rosario seek refuge in the church. The church rejects them, specifically Rosario (why?), compels Mosko to seek revenge. What will he do?
Mac investigates a string of new kidnappings that have a ritualistic flavor to them but he’s reluctant to go down the path of religion given his past. Bella compels Mac to use his gifts to rescue an American girl who’s just been kidnapped like the others – to do this in honor of her son, Paolo, who was abducted prior to these events.
Meet another antagonist: Peter Arteaga but we don’t know it yet. He’s a cartel leader who wants to go legit but must tie up loose ends – Mosko is one.
Mosko locks in by abducting Father Guzman and killing him
Mac commits to the investigation. Meets Agent Villarreal. Shows his affinity for understanding ritualistic murder – but who is doing all these killings – Mosko or someone else? Mac visits a mentor, Texas Ranger Joe Crowley who seals the deal on Mac investigating and getting his act together with the DEA and to deal with his anger with his father.<div>

3, 4, 5 and 6 – Second Act

3. (30-45)

Mac has a problem. He and Bella are ambushed at a Mexican warehouse in the desert by Agent Villarreal, who’s working for Peter.
Mosko and Rosario set out to ritualize the resurrection of Irina. Part of the ritual involves poisonous arachnids – Rosario gathers a spider and a scorpion in a jar to accomplish this and is stung repeatedly…but is impervious and simply giggles – why?
Peter addresses Mac and Bella who are now under his control. He shoots Villarreal for disrespecting Bella and explains his intentions to Mac. He also explains his motivation in going legit, telling a story of his grandfather and his legend as a chieftain of his people. He compels Mac to help him “sometimes it is better to dance than fight”. Peter sends Mac and Bella and Eloy out to stop Mosko. They have to find him first.<div>

4. (45-60) Something extraordinary will be tried, stated or implied by character’s actions – it will backfire because of vital knowledge that is unknown to both.

Mosko and Rosario get more violent in their ritualistic murders. Villagers start to take notice of the little girl and quickly take up the mantle of ancient prophecy and rituals and begin following Mosko throughout Mexico, destabilizing the entire region and suddenly fighting back against the cartels.
Mac, Bella and Eloy investigate where one of the priests was killed: at Mosko’s dry cleaners, a legit business front for money laundering. They pick up clues to Mosko’s whereabouts: he’s left a map, mocking them to follow. Why would Mosko let them know where he is?
Mac, Bella and Eloy investigate a Mexican village that was on Mosko’s map. Here, they find a boy festooned with ritual makeup and now an acolyte of Mosko’s. Bella mistakes the boy for her lost son, Paolo. Mac finds a clue nearby about the ritual – a statue.
Rosario begins to connect with the kidnapped American girl, Nina, effectively perceiving her as an ersatz mother given her similar looks to her own mother.
Crowley, Mac’s mentor, finds them in the Mexican desert, immediately conflicts with Eloy.</div><div>

5. (60-75) Eye openers for Mac. Mac will have to change to get things done.

Rosario throws a tantrum in a bodega. Mosko can’t calm her until villagers see her and kneel like she’s the goddess incarnate.
One of the bands of rogue cartels knows Mosko’s location but lies in wait for the perfect time to kill him.
Eloy contacts Peter at headquarters on the sly. He reports that the gringo Crowley is complicating things. Peter advises to shoot Crowley in the head. Peter also informs Eloy that he’s been following his progress by GPS.
A Bigger Village: a town festival ensues. more rogue cartels arrive. Tensions rise. Mac, Bella, Eloy and Crowley approach up a mountainside. Mosko and Rosario enter the town looking for the right kind of sacrifice and the statue that went over the cliff with Bella .
Eloy tries to kill Bella but she kills him first then falls over the side of a cliff.
Rosario picks out a young woman for a sacrifice. Mosko shoots and kills her from a distance, setting off a firefight and riot.
Mac and Crowley descend the mountain and into the fray, momentarily rescuing the American girl, Nina, until Rosario cuts Crowley’s throat. Mac is incapacitated.
Cartel members get the drop on Mosko and hang him from a tree. Acolytes surround him and he comes back to life. Acolytes attack the cartel with machetes.</div><div>

6. (75-90) A bigger plan. Mac gathers resources and allies are gathered to put plan in action but it seems to backfire and it looks like Mosko will win.

Mac wakes up in the desert and is confronted by human traffickers. He disposes of them, frees the women and reunites with a very much alive Bella who survived the fall off the cliff and still has the statue.
Mosko, Rosario and Nina take shelter in an abandoned gas station where elements of their makeshift family begin to assert. Nina, a drug addict and self-medicating from the trauma, gets hold of some blow. They are attacked by another group of cartel but are beaten back and defeated by yet another wave of acolytes. Rosario addresses them…like a little goddess.</div><div>

7 and 8

7. Biggest battle:

Peter decides to make his play but is killed in an ambush by Mosko’s acolytes, beheaded with all his men.
Mac reaches Mosko but Mosko only wants to die which enrages Rosario. Mosko begs Mac to kill him but leaves him to find Bella. Nina tells Rosario that her mother is not being resurrected which nearly gets her killed before Bella saves her. Rosario kills her instead as the completion of the ritual.</div><div>

8. The “new world”

A blood curdling scream. Bella is dead, killed by Rosario who expects her mother to come alive. She doesn’t. Mac is distraught and proceeds to attempt to choke the life out of Rosario. Mosko attempts to intercede but is dropped by two bullets in the brain from Mac’s gun.
Mac releases Rosario and tells Nina to get the hell out to find safety.
Mac relinquishes his talisman, his late father’s transistor radio, and throws it out into the night. Rosario is watching him, sensing Mac losing himself. She smiles up at him…a bloody machete still in her hand. – FADE OUT
</div></div>

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT

Create your Life Threatening Sequence.

Answer the question “What I learned is…?” It’s far easier to list out the tenets of the threats your respective characters will face and overcome giving you an overall feel for the stakes that your audience should perceive.

Subject Line: Mac’s Life Threatening Sequence

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

Besides the ever-present threat posed by Mosko, his little girl and the lethal cult that’s been inspired by them, it’s Peter’s plan to remove a loose end (Mosko) so he can go legit. Leveraging Mac’s prior history with cults, he forces Mac on a collision course with Mosko.
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? In addition to Mosko and cults around every corner, there are rogue bands of cartel gangs that have chosen sides: some on Mosko’s side, others looking to take him out. Peter has also sent his personal enforcer, Eloy, along to ensure Mac’s compliance.

Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.

– Mac and Bella are taken from a safe house in Mexico after a gunfight with forces unknown, until it’s found out that it’s Villarreal who led the ambush. (Mac met Villarreal earlier during an investigation of a murder so it’s a surprise to him and the audience that Villarreal is a bad guy)

– Mac finds out that Villarreal works for Peter. At Peter’s compound, Peter shoots Villarreal in the head for making a sexual pass at Bella

– Mac, Bella and Eloy chase down Mosko and are joined by Mac’s old Texas Ranger, Joe Crowley who takes an immediate dislike to Eloy

– The quarter come upon a festival in a town, come up the side of a mountain to avoid being seen. Eloy tries to kill Bella. She gets the drop on him but falls off the side of a cliff and is presumed dead. In the aftermath, Mac continues on with his investigation of Mosko and his presumed kidnapping of the American girl he has hostage with him.

– Rival cartels have gathered in the town to kill Mosko. Mosko kills a townsgirl as part of a resurrection ritual for Rosario which initiates a full riot. Mac attempts to intervene. Crowley is killed just as he is about to rescue the American girl – Rosario slits his throat.

– Mac wakes up in the middle of the desert, confronted by human traffickers who threaten to set him on fire. He gets the drop on them and frees the women.

– Bella returns, having survived a fall from the cliff and sets off with Mac to the Texas border, following a trail of putrified bodies with tell tale signs of ritual sacrifice.

– at the border, Peter takes matters into his own hands now that he knows the final whereabouts of Mosko from tracking Mac. He’s beheaded in an ambush in a ravine by Mosko’s acolytes.

– Mac and Bella find Mosko in a cave where Mosko admits he only wants to die and rejoin his murdered wife, Irina. His little girl, Rosario, kills Bella then kills Mosko for betraying her (she expected her mother to be resurrected) and maybe becomes the Goddess Coatlicue. In so doing, she perceives an opportunity of the devastated Mac to achieve her goals. Will she kill him? The story fades to black with her smiling up at him with a bloody machete in her hands.

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT 6

“What I learned is…?” I learned that thru the use of mystery chains, sequences and cover-ups, the narrative of a story can provide a deeper experience for the audience. In my case, the mystery of Peter, the mystery of Mac’s past, the mystery of Paolo’s whereabouts, the mystery of Rosario’s ultimate motives and whether she’s the Goddess, Coatlicue.

Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? <div>

Peter Arteaga is trying to go legit but covering that he had his best enforcer, Mosko, killed as a measure of tying up loose ends.
How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries. Peter has enlisted another enforcer, Eloy, to take Mosko out. As this first attempt fails and Mosko becomes an accidental cult leader with an unwitting army of acolyte citizens protecting him, he engages the services of Agent Villarreal to entrap Mac Grant, who can find out how to stop Mosko, to assist in bringing him down. Peter covers his involvement till the midpoint of the story. But also covers up that he’s tracking Mac AND his own enforcer, Eloy. It’s only when Mac ditches this surveillance, that Peter personally jumps into the fray.
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it. Mac Grant is not involved with the first mystery, directly, but the mysteries that follow from the first, including, where is Mosko and what’s the story with these acolytes who are killing for him?

Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.

Actually, the red herring is Mosko. Though he’s the villain, in effect, it’s his daughter, Rosario, who’s compelled him all along on this murderous path to resurrect her dead mother. Mosko only wants to die, to be reunited with his Irina. Once Rosario discerns his intentions, she kills him and becomes “the Goddess, Coatlicue”. But the sequence of mysteries entail Mac and Bella chasing down Mosko in Mexico and encountering people who subsequently turn out to be cult members. There’s also the mystery of what happened to Bella’s son, Paolo. I’ve come up with a way that Paolo was abducted/kidnapped. An element that is a slow-burn, background element for much of the story until the scene where Bella mistakes a little cult boy for her son. This cues Mac into something he’s witnessed about this particular cult that reveres children relating historically to ritual sacrifices of the Aztecs hundreds of years ago where, after they started sacrificing babies and the rains didn’t come, their societies collapsed. This thread/mystery and its resolution will lead Mac to Mosko’s location.

Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.

Peter, Villarreal and Eloy’s machinations are all part of a mystery chain for the audience but this mystery (Peter’s involvement) is resolved at the midpoint. I may have to find others to enrich the narrative further.

</div>

[Randy Hines]

ASSIGNMENT 5

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

What is the end goal? The end goal is multi-tiered in my story. Peter Arteaga’s goal is to remove a loose end, Mosko. He planned this before the story starts in which Mosko’s wife, Irina is killed but Mosko escapes. Peter “hires” Mac Grant, our hero, to deal with him instead. Mosko’s end goal is simply to die and go be with his beloved Irina. And, last, Mosko’s little girl, Rosario, becomes the ultimate villain of the story as she embraces rituals that cement her as a cult figure but, in her mind, achieve her only goal, the resurrection of her mother. <div>

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way? See above where Peter enlists the assistance of Mac Grant, who has an affinity for religious/cult/ritualistic matters due to his experience in a previous life – experience that weighs heavily and is the reason he was disciplined by the DEA.

How can they cover it up? Peter is too smart to make a direct assault on Mosko especially after the initial attempt failed. And now, Mosko has an ersatz army of cultists following his every move, providing protection – Peter can’t get to him. But Mac Grant can.

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible. This is achieved by Peter’s initial direct assault, his leveraging Mac’s skills and at the end, his final gambit to take Mosko out now that he traced Mac’s whereabouts on the Texas border and he leads a strike team to do just that…but is beheaded in an ambush.

Then answer the question “What I learned is…?”

It’s possible to navigate/create scenarios from villainy that setup your story, move it forward and, through an intriguing sequence of events, bring the story to a satisfying close.

</div>

[Randy Hines]

Assignment 4 – Part 1

Each and every scene or character can convey the tents of MIS, or not, to heighten a scene and the viewers experience of these elements. Tying these elements to stakes brings it all together.

Assignment 4 – Part 2

going thru roughly 40 scenes of SOTL, I saw that each scene can have all elements of MIS or just one to heighten the experience for the viewer. I can take each of these elements and apply to my own scenes and ask the question of does it apply to my scene. If it’s not there, then rewrite to deepen the scene. But these techniques can apply to other story types. If a scene or character is static, this is a good way to lift it off the page and enable the writer something to riff off of later.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Randy Hines.

[Randy Hines]

Assignment 3

Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story:

A disgraced DEA Agent is on the trail of the kidnappers of an American girl in the heart of Mexico, but soon must contend with the growing threat of deadly cartels and a reluctant cult leader with a grudge… and his little girl.

What I learned from this assignment is how to apply the MIS technique to characters. In answering these questions, it’s likely that richer character interactions and layers will be revealed to say nothing of richer narrative opportunities, tensions and reveals.

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout?

What’s causing Mosko’s cult to grow? Is it the supernatural or something else?

Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie?

Peter Arteaga’s moves to force Mac to neutralize Mosko, a former enforcer, and his growing cult status among regular Mexican citizens to better solidify his own political aspirations in Mexico.

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?

Will Mac find Mosko and save the American girl from certain death before the Mexican cults kill him first?<div>

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.

The story takes place in Mexico, currently a land of cartels, poverty and a sudden increase in ritual deaths. Thematically the story explores the power of the people, led in the past by campesinos, who rebelled against their oppressors. They’re doing it again in today’s world, taking on the cartels but corrupted by the main villain’s unwitting cult movement.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

A. What is the mystery of this character? </div>

MacKnight Grant – How will he find Mosko in a land as vast as Mexico?

Mosko – How will he exact revenge for his wife’s death at the hands of Peter Arteago, especially with his little girl in tow?

Peter Arteaga – How does Peter go legit from being a cartel drug leader?

B. What is the intrigue of this character?

MacKnight Grant – He’s a sidelined DEA agent with obsessive tendencies. Underneath he has a deep background in religion, almost becoming a priest when he was younger. He’s best suited to root out Mosko’s next move.

Mosko – former enforcer for Peter Arteaga, he’s on an unhinged revenge trip after his wife was killed by Peter, but what is his end game, especially with his little girl in tow?

Peter Arteaga – a cartel leader, he has eyes all over Mexico, even in legitimate government agencies…and they all work for him.

C. What is the suspense of this character?

MacKnight Grant – Will Mac reach Mosko and survive long enough to rescue the American girl?

Mosko – Will Mosko kill the American girl before his pursuers find him?

Peter Arteaga – Will he achieve his political ambition and turn his back on his killing ways?

[Randy Hines]

Randy Hines Big M.I.S.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”: to break down my story into elements that can be altered to not just be dramatic but conform to the convention of a thriller. I learned that I may not have enough of the intrigue aspect in my story and will need to fill that out for a richer experience.

Logline: Better to Dance…

A disgraced DEA Agent is on the trail of the kidnappers of an American girl in the heart of Mexico, but soon must contend with the growing threat of deadly cartels and a reluctant cult leader with a grudge… and his little girl.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Protagonist Mac Grant
Dangerous Villain: Mosko
High stakes: ritual beheadings, sacrifices and death
Life and death situations: ritual beheadings, sacrifices and death
This story is thrilling because? Only Mac has a clue as to the religious underpinnings of all the murders that are causing the people to rise up against the cartels.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Does Mosko actually command supernatural forces that make him seem invulnerable? Why does Mac put himself in danger and what is his secret from the past that makes him ideal to deal with the threat of Mosko?
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? What past event in Mac’s past caused him to be disgraced in the eyes of the DEA?
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? Will Mac suffer the same fate as all the innocents he’s been unable to save as he tries to rescue the kidnapped American girl?

[Randy Hines]

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Placing crucial elements of the story in place to create the overall framework for a thriller story to hang off of. In this case, a far-reaching conspiracy and hidden, unexpected players uncovered via high stakes adds to the thriller milieu of this story.

2. Picked: LA Confidential

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Ed Exley
Dangerous Villain: Captain Dudley Smith
High stakes: moving Mickey Cohen’s heroin and taking over its distribution
Life and death situations: pinning/misdirecting various murders on “the negroes” and others
This movie is thrilling because? You don’t know who may be involved in what becomes a conspiracy at the highest levels of LAPD and even the District Attorney

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: who’s moving Mickey Cohen’s heroin
Big Intrigue: the aforementioned conspiracy and coverup
Big Suspense: will unlikely allies Bud White and Ed Exley uncover the killers and the conspiracy before they suffer the same fate as everyone else

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? The film noir approach to storytelling served to heighten all the elements of the story.

[Randy Hines]

1. Name? Randy Hines

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 12

3. What you hope to get out of the class? adding an understanding of thrillers to my toolbox

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? Clarinet player

[Randy Hines]

I totally agree to the terms of this release form.

[Randy Hines]

Randy Hines

agree to the terms of this release

[Randy Hines]

Can’t Say/Superior Position/Deception:

Walter’s journey to the South undercover as a white man, these entire scenes are examples of Can’t Say and Deception. He’s having conversations with people under the guise as a white man and can’t say that he’s actually black. The audience is in Superior Position on this so any interaction between Walter and another white person, even a black person, takes on a wealth of subtext. Walter Can’t Say the wrong thing since he’ll be found out as actually black and be killed.

Misinterpretation: Walter misinterprets Carl Van Vechten’s actions towards his future wife Gladys. He thinks Carl is making moves on Gladys but Carl is gay and it takes Walter a bit to figure this out. It’s debatable whether the audience would know Carl is gay but the performance might reveal this and some would discover it at or near the same time as Walter.

Sabotage: A scene between Walter and The Governor of Arkansas while undercover. The Governor determines that Walter, undercover as a white man, is actually black due to a crucial mistake Walter makes by going into a “Negro” bathroom (as he likely has for the entirety of his life while not undercover). The Governor sends his goons after Walter therefore disrupting his spycraft and running him out of town by the skin of his teeth. Again, the audience knows what Walter doesn’t at a crucial moment that the Governor’s got him in his sights. This ratchets up the tension of the scene for the audience who experiences this in superior position.

Unaware: can also be similar to deception. In my example with the Governor of Arkansas, he is unaware that he’s actually talking to a Black Man and likely would have never been aware if Walter hadn’t made a mistake and revealed his situation.

What I learned doing this exercise is that there are multiple interplays of these six techniques that can be used to create interesting narrative opportunities that will engage an audiience and compel them to keep watching.

[Randy Hines]

Can’t Say/Superior Position/Deception:

Walter’s journey to the South undercover as a white man, these entire scenes are examples of Can’t Say and Deception. He’s having conversations with people under the guise as a white man and can’t say that he’s actually black. The audience is in Superior Position on this so any interaction between Walter and another white person, even a black person, takes on a wealth of subtext. Walter Can’t Say the wrong thing since he’ll be found out as actually black and be killed.

Misinterpretation: Walter misinterprets Carl Van Vechten’s actions towards his future wife Gladys. He thinks Carl is making moves on Gladys but Carl is gay and it takes Walter a bit to figure this out. It’s debatable whether the audience would know Carl is gay but the performance might reveal this and some would discover it at or near the same time as Walter.

Sabotage: A scene between Walter and The Governor of Arkansas while undercover. The Governor determines that Walter, undercover as a white man, is actually black due to a crucial mistake Walter makes by going into a “Negro” bathroom (as he likely has for the entirety of his life while not undercover). The Governor sends his goons after Walter therefore disrupting his spycraft and running him out of town by the skin of his teeth. Again, the audience knows what Walter doesn’t at a crucial moment that the Governor’s got him in his sights. This ratchets up the tension of the scene for the audience who experiences this in superior position.

Unaware: can also be similar to deception. In my example with the Governor of Arkansas, he is unaware that he’s actually talking to a Black Man and likely would have never been aware if Walter hadn’t made a mistake and revealed his situation.

What I learned doing this exercise is that there are multiple interplays of these six techniques that can be used to create interesting narrative opportunities that will engage an audiience and compel them to keep watching.

[Randy Hines]

Walter Francis White’s subtext comes from being a black man who can pass for white. There are times when the character goes undercover as a white man to investigate lynchings in the Deep South – his agenda ( and identity) is hidden from the whites. He covers this subtext by embracing his white outward appearance. Later, when speaking truth to power in Washington DC, his power to pass as white affords Walter a degree of respect he might not typically have. His wound comes from watching his childhood best friend lynched in his front yard.Walter’s son, Pidge, has an internal state (also passing for white/living in both worlds but not accepted by either) that he’s expressing in the story. Pidge doesn’t know what he is and this is a source of insecurity. When bullies mark his face up with white and black charcoal, his internal state is forced upon him physically while still not providing a meaningful answer to his confusion about his identity. Pidge covers the issue by lashing out at those around him: his father, in the army.Gladys ((Walter’s wife) presents as an ironic character subtext in that she is all in for fighting against lynching and for promoting African Americans as a member of the NAACP but is relegated to menial tasks in the organization because she’s a woman, not allowed to fight for a just cause on account of society in the 1930s. She covers the issue by being aloof but polite and resigned to her station in life as the wife of a great man during a celebration for Walter White and simply walking off and not engaging with Walter or guests. What I learned doing this assignment is that characters can be more meaningfully drawn by engaging subtextual techniques to establish deeper layers to each. Motivation, slights, contrasts, affirmations(or the lack thereof), personal/emotional wounds and more serve to deepen the experience an audience will perceive.

[Randy Hines]

Subtext Environments

Environment One: small town East Texas, contemporary, uptown wealthy (mostly) white citizens. Environment Two: small town East Texas, contemporary, poor African American citizens (mostly) out in the country/rural part of the townE1: the white citizens, though it’s still a small town, have all the necessities and attitudes borne of decades, if not centuries, of privilege and power that is a fabric of their interactions with others less fortunate. This would include banks, retail operations, schooling, politics and the utter denial of outside influences that might seek to alter the fabric of power in the town. E2: African American citizens out in the country lack the power, privilege and benefit afforded to their uptown white brethren, their culture rooted in a less-advantaged legacy of barely getting by and deep-seated barriers put before them so intrinsic, they’re not actively aware of the initial source. Much less, the ability to overcome that legacy.What I learned is that the two environments I’ve listed can conjure any number of shorthand frameworks for characters, plot lines and dialogue. That shorthand extends to white characters and black characters and their interactions be it comedy or drama. In my story, I count on this built-in subtext to provide a foundation but it also enables me to subvert expectations when and if the time is right to provide a richer experience for the audience.