Rebecca Jordan
Forum Replies Created
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It seems I am unable to generate any images whatsoever. AI keeps telling me it’s a text based system and cannot generate image, only descriptions of images that I must have commissioned …? Is this something that has just recently happened? Anyone?
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Hi Everyone, I’m Rebecca Jordan. I have written a feature, a couple of shorts and a play. I hope to strengthen my writing skills and creativity using AI as an assist to my voice. I am a veteran stage actor and sing in a Tom Petty tribute band. I have taken 30 day screenplay, pro rewrite and binge worthy classes. Also just signed up for the containment class. Looking forward to this!!
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As a member of this group, I , Rebecca Jordan, agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Rebecca’s amazing opening. Lesson #16
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s an ongoing process. And that going back after working through all the lessons, I can apply some of what I learned toward the end to the beginning in order to continue to elevate and hone what’s important to keep improving overall.
Original opening scene (plunge into a unique world): Opens with Rachel arriving late for her gig with her band at festival while the band holds a steady beat. Crowd getting anxious. Paul waiting.
Option (intriguing image): Open on a canvas with paint being splashed on it. Red blood, black blot like a pistol being held to a flesh head. Cuts to Rachel arriving late for her gig…
Selected (shock and intriguing character): Moved inciting incident before opening. I could do some trimming…
EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK
Summer festival in full swing. WHIRLING and SWOOSHING of rides. ROLLER COASTER climbing the tracks. SCREAMS of children overhead. DING DING DING of games being played. DJ and MUSIC.
STAGE
The orange sky looms beyond the stage where BAND MEMBERS take their places. The MC, at the mic center stage, enthusiastically introduces the BAND.
Cheers from the eager crowd swell.
The DRUMMER behind his kit, starts a slow sexy familiar beat.
AUDIENCE
A collective rumble of recognition as the crowd closes in on the stage.
BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
PAUL, 50, lead guitarist, a tall drink of true blue, leggy with a subtle rock star swagger, appears from the stage.
An old pick up truck screeches into the lot and slams into a spot.
It’s RACHEL. 50, a bat out of hell, she jumps out of her truck buttoning her shirt. Dressed like a rock star with a 70’s vibe, she is disheveled. Spills of red, black and flesh colored paint stain her face, hands with clumps stuck in her thick main of mangled hair.
She flips her head over, combs it out with her fingers and tosses it back. Takes hairspray from the truck and sprays a quick circle around her head.
Paul swoops in, automatically unloads Rachel’s gig bag. Rachel grabs her guitar, runs alongside Paul toward the stage where a steady rhythm seduces the restless patrons.
RACHEL
Sorry.
PAUL
You okay?
RACHEL
In a minute.
PAUL
You have a shit ton of paint in your hair.
RACHEL
My Uncle Ben shot himself in the head.
PAUL
Holy crap.
RACHEL
He’s dead.
PAUL
… I’m so sorry.
RACHEL
Oh well.
At the backstage stairs. Rachel takes her guitar out of its bag while Paul grabs the rest of her gear.
RACHEL
Oh my God! I have to pee so bad!
They run up the stairs and onto the stage.
CROWD
WOOOOO! WOOOOO! YEAH!!!
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Rebecca’s amazing 3rd act/ending.
What I learned from doing this assignment. It reinforced the notes I already have for some tweaks and inserts and cuts. Although I was already happy with my ending overall, it gave me an opportunity to see where I need to tweak details with the smaller characters.
Act 1 recap
Rachel arrives late to her gig, a wild mess with paint in her hair, where Paul, her bandmate (hopeful love interest) awaits, while the band on stage holds the beat. She runs to the stage with Paul while letting him know that her Uncle has shot himself in the head and is dead. Later after the gig, Paul has an after party. Rachel stops by hoping for distraction. But she is angry at her Uncle Ben for killing himself and complains that she now has to make adjustments to her nearly completed memoir. But the real kicker is that she may have to find and confront her long-time estranged Mother with this information after having come to terms with possibly never seeing her again. On Rachel’s drive back to the farm where she lives and works her memories flood. This is where Beth, Rachel’s mom and little brother Willy are introduced. Beth was an absent single mom. Has to kidnap her son. Only to be kidnapped back to Puerto Rico, etc. Their story of the past (1970’s) unfolds along side the present, as Rachel acts out in avoidance through her paintings, drugs and alcohol and sex. Her Aunt Norma calls to see if she got the message about Uncle and helps find out where her Mother might be. Rachel after much recall and agony sets out to find her Mom.
Act 2 recap
Rachel shows up at her Mom’s house only to find an older quirky couple , Glenn and Sheila, living/renting the house. She turns back toward home having already missed band rehearsal but stops and gets trashed at a bar and crashes the truck before making it out of town. Gets towed and winds up on the steps of Glenn and Sheila’s. They take her in and she spends the night. At breakfast, Glenn lets Rachel know that he has taken her truck to his shop and it should be ready later that day. He has also found an old PO Box address – where they used to send rent checks pre Zelle. Rachel in the guest room remembers the whole incident of her brother’s kidnapping and how her Dad whom she’s only met once since 3 yrs uses her to find Willy. Rachel, on the road to find her Mom again, this new intention. Rachel calls Paul to let him know she’ll be back in a week. The long ride provokes more memories of Rachel’s shitty relationship with her narcissistic Mom. ie. left home alone at 6. Running away from home at 13. Getting an apartment and nanny job at 14. Being sexually abused. Picked up by the cops. Etc… Escapes and runs. Rachel winds up down south at a shitty motel. Next day makes it to the post office where she finds her Mom’s full PO box. Talks to the PO master who recalls Eleanor, an older woman picking up Beth’s/Mom’s mail. Rachel leaves her number just in case. On the way out she unknowingly passes Eleanor entering and then nearly knocks her over shortly after coming out of the store.
Act 3 Beats
After having received a call, Rachel arrives at Senior living/convalescent home where her mom is living and gets paperwork from receptionist. It’s after visiting hours.
She sneaks down the hall with her guitar and into Beth’s room only to find her Mom unconscious. Emotional. Recall continues, escaping Mom after being picked up by cops. Rachel recalls insecurities about singing because of Mom and plays her a song. Tells her Uncle Ben committed suicide, her “real” reason for coming. Eleanor enters and makes her leave. Rachel suspects this is the Eleanor who hid Beth and Willy after the kidnapping in 1972 and confronts her to no end.
Rachel returns to visit Beth the next morning. Brings Eleanor a coffee to apologize.
Rachel in Beth’s room, tries to make light of having to carry the conversation. She improvises songs that recall stories of her Beth leaving her at home as a 6 yr old child with the dog to baby sit.
Rachel hears giggling and opens the door to three older women listening.
Another day at the home. Rachel performs in the common room for an audience of old folks. Beth is wheeled in to listen but makes a rumble (temper tantrum). Eleanor wheels her out.
Eleanor is changing and cleaning Beth up. They have a conversation. Beth wants Rachel to leave.
Rachel on her way to Beth’s room overhears her Mom talking, speech labored and slurred, and runs to the restroom and has a meltdown.
Rachel paces outside the bar.
Rachel at the bar. Waits. Then leaves when asked if she wants her usual. There is a scene here earlier.
Rachel at a park. Wades in the water, takes in nature.
INSERT: LAKE SCENE FROM 70’s, teens playing music in a circle. Probation officer looking for Rachel who has just run off to hide having seen his car role up.Rachel calls Paul. Intercuts. He guides her and helps Rachel make sense of it all. NEED TO WORK ON THIS SCENE. Paul is her savior. He is stable.
Woman and children move away from Rachel who is cussing and ranting.Children’s ward in Mental hospital. (May cut this or move to later.) Rachel gets cigarette break.
Rachel back in Beth’s room. Mom still plays unconscious. Rachel plays along. Falls asleep.
Their memories coincide. Beth lands in Puerto Rico as a young women.
Beth arrives at Abuela’s house in the country. Tells her that she is taking Willy shopping for clothes and will be back for dinner.
Back to Beth’s room present. Convulsing and disturbed. Rachel asleep in the chair.
INSERT: Abuela, an Evangelist missionary woman of God, and Rachel 16 at Dad’s in Puerto Rico. Abuela questions Rachel about her mom being married to a nice Japanese man now. Asks if she plans to have another baby. Offers to raise that one too. Rachel glares at Abuela. Abuela smiles smug. Rachel jumps out of her seat and runs out.
Rachel in Beth’s room, jerks from slumber out of her seat to find her mom convulsing.Rachel hushes her.
1972 Beth and Willy, 6, at Eleanor and Frank’s house. Dark and candle lit. They care for Willy who is coughing, has Pneumonia.
MAY CUT THIS IT’S A REPEAT BUT FROM BETH’S POV THIS TIME. Back to the night of Willy not coming home from school with police over. Dad calls to say Willy’s back where he belongs. Beth hangs up with a curdling scream. Yells at Rachel for what she has done. Now Willy is gone forever. And it’s Rachel’s fault. Rachel runs screaming “Sorry” to her room.
Back to Beth’s room. Machines BEEPING. Tears rolling. Convulsing. Rachel scared and soothing Beth. Eleanor runs in with Doctor and nurses. Clearing Rachel from the room who becomes inflamed at Eleanor for not being honest with her about who she is.
Beth’s room. Next morning. Rachel all cleaned up recalls what she remembers to her mom, knowing that she is being heard. Reminds her mom of when they (Mom and Japanese step dad) made her go to Japanese school with 1st graders and how she stood at graduation twice as big and sang the mom song. She apologizes for Willy being taken away.
Rachel climbs in the bed next to Beth and wipes her tears away.
She quietly sings Okaasan, the mom song.
Beth takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it.
Eleanor comes in the room and sees Rachel and Beth sleeping. She puts an envelope in Rachel’s bag and leaves.
Rachel’s truck pulls into a parking lot back stage of another fest. Parks.
Rachel checks herself in the mirror touches up her make up. Sees the envelope in her bag. Opens it.
Meanwhile Paul is heading toward her.
Rachel reads the note scribed by her mom’s shaky hand. “To my beautiful girl, I am very proud of the person you’ve become. Love Mom.”
Rachel, tears rimming, looks up to see Paul who opens the door. He takes Rachel’s hand and helps her out. Grabs her bag and guitar. He takes her in approvingly of her journey. They walk toward the stage. Rachel takes her hand. They disappear onto the stage. Crowd roars.
Roll credits
Rachel and band onstage. Welcomes the crowd. LIVE MUSIC. The crowd closes in. And there in the front row, Aunt Nina waving and smiling big. Maybe… Glenn and Sheila, too. -
Rebecca’s most memorable lines, #14
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I think I have more than I’m aware of. I need to go through for more.
This is the opening scene; first line of dialogue for Rachel. Moved her second line to be her first for more character trait and emotional impact.
Paul swoops in, automatically unloads Rachel’s gig bag from the truck. Rachel grabs her guitar, runs alongside Paul toward the stage where a steady rhythm seduces the restless patrons.
PAUL
You okay?
RACHEL
I will be.
PAUL
You have a shit ton of paint in your hair.
RACHEL
Oh… My Uncle Ben shot himself in the head.
PAUL
Holy crap.
RACHEL
He’s dead.
PAUL
… I’m so sorry.
RACHEL
Oh well. (considering “what’re you gonna do?” instead)
At the backstage stairs. Rachel takes her guitar out of its bag while Paul grabs the rest of her gear.
RACHEL
Oh my God! I have to pee so bad!
They run up the stairs and onto the stage. Crowd goes nuts.
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Sc 124, pg 86
EXT. L STOP – DAY, 1977
SOUND of L train leaving the station as folks head home from, work emerge from the turnstile. Finally, Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile. Stops at the corner news stand, buys a pack of smokes. Catches the walk signal and trots across the street.
Suddenly two undercover police OFFICERS, cut her off, one at a time, from different angles.
OFFICER #1
Excuse me, young lady. Is your name —
Rachel ignores him as if he’s crazy. Then Officer #2 steps in, his badge held up in Rachel’s face.
OFFICER #2
It’s okay. We’re police officers.
Rachel, scopes her escape.
OFFICER #1
Maybe you could help us out. What’s your name?
RACHEL
Mary.
Officer #1 shows her a photo from his pocket.
OFFICER #1
Are you sure?
OFFICER #2
Isn’t there someplace you should be?
RACHEL
Yeah. Work.
OFFICER #1
Why would you lie about your name?
RACHEL
Do you mind? You’re embarrassing me.
Cop #2 takes hold of Rachel’s wrist. She winces. He drags her toward the squad car.
RACHEL
Come on man.
OFFICER #2
Not takin’ any chances.
RACHEL
Fuck you.
Officer #2 gives Rachel a good yank.
RACHEL
Ow! You’re hurting me you asshole.
OFFICER #2
Then stop resisting.
Look for great line in next scene using this as the set up maybe?
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Rebecca:s Intriguing Character Layers – Module 1, Lesson #4
What I learned from doing this assignment is 1) I don’t have to know everything and can just answer questions that may change but that get ideas flowing. Puzzle pieces that will either fit or not. And I can heighten or make more intriguing accordingly later. 2) This is a great way to stack the deck and see a general but clear journey from beginning to end with lots of fodder to choose from and fit in…
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.
2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.
Title: Secrets and Lies
Ben’s connection to Tommy and Jess. His relationship with wife. What’s going on with her. Is he T’s Dad? What’s his relationship with Jess. Why is the Detective so suspicious of Ben? Then her daughter shows up and is in jail because of her Mom. What happened to make her this way? Is Ben’s wife having an affair at work? Man on motorcycle winds up being Jess’s husband. Tommy’s Dad. But not biological. Why is he stalking Ben?
ASSIGNMENT 2
Character Name: Tanya
Role: 50 year old ex-con back in “Small Midwestern Town” to seek revenge on her high school bullies/nemesis, a trio of wealthy princesses, when she is suddenly called on by Mother Nature to save the Earth and must learn to navigate her untapped super powers to rehabilitate the planet.Agendas: To create and sell a bogus fountain of youth product to her childhood bullies for revenge.
Competition: There will be competition with her militia choices who we may find out later are her siblings.
Conspiracies: To create a bogus fountain of youth product that will cause a horrible scary skin rash and sell it to her childhood bullies for revenge.
Secrets: She has moved back in with her foster parents who are now dead.
Deception: She has taken over her foster parents home and finances.Wound: Was abandoned as a baby and moved from foster home to foster home being abused by and neglected. This last family were sexual abusers.
Secret Identity: Taina, daughter of Tatiana, ie. mother nature. She doesn’t know this until she finds out…
Character Name: Tatiana
Role: Mother Nature, ie. Abuela/La Vieja
HiddenAgendas: To bring her forces/children together after spending a lifetime of planning a take over.
Competition: Civilians
Conspiracies: Her origin.
Secrets: Her children.
Deception: Mother Nature calls to rehabilitate her planet. Her super powers are waning and she needs to be powered by Tanya, ie. Taina, her daughter’s powers.
Wound: Observing the murder of her parents and becoming a prisoner. And giving up her babies at birth to answer her calling.
Secret Identity: Mother Nature.
Character Name: Lupe
Role: A 50 year old champion log sawer is summoned from reclusion to accompany and serve by Tanya’s side.
Hidden agendas:
Competition: Siblings
Conspiracies:Secrets: Illiterate
Deception: Tries to act tougher than she is.Wound: Abandoned at birth. Raised by Rebels
Secret Identity: Sister of Tanya
Character Name: Maeve
Role: Tanya’s #1 bully from the past. Also 50, she is now a high powered socialite and attorney running for office. She is humbled and invests when Tanya creates a popular fountain of youth product. Or will she support the militia?
Hidden agendas: Is she just vying for campaign support?
Competition: Tanya’s #1 bully from the past. Is she deeply jealous or in awe of Tanya, still?Conspiracies: Will follow along with Tanya’s plan initially to sabotage but changes….?
Secrets: ???
Deception: Running for office.
Wound: No relationship with husband, feels inadequate.
Secret Identity: secret society..? -
Rebecca’s Engaging Main Characters, Module 1 – Lesson #3
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I didn’t have to know these answers to get started and fill in the blanks. I didn’t come in to class knowing what I wanted to write about nor did I have characters in mind. And now I have an inkling with some fun ideas that are open for drastic change. My goal is to stay on point and learn the processes and hope that a decent story unfolds.In the meantime, make it up.
Example show title: Secrets and Lies
A. Role in the show:
Ben: Family man finds neighbor’s boy dead in the woods.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
To prove his innocence of murder.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
He had an affair with the neighbor/mother of the murdered child. He is the father of the child.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
He had an affair with the neighbor. Lies.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Incriminate himself by going to see the neighbor. Lie. Second guess himself. Look guilty.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
He doesn’t remember what happened. His family is not being supportive. Nobody believes him. He’s the father and loves the boy who was murdered. Nobody believes him.
My show title: Mother Nature Calls
Journey: Tanya is an ex con working as a nail technician in a salon while seeking revenge on childhood bullies when she is suddenly forced to acknowledge her untapped super powers in order to help Mother Nature rehabilitate the planet Earth to its original state.
A. Role in the show:
Tanya/Taina: Is a 50 year old ex-con back in “Name of Town” to seek revenge on her high school bullies/nemesis, a trio of wealthy princesses, when she is suddenly called on by Mother Nature to save the Earth and must learn to navigate her untapped super powers to rehabilitate the planet.
Lupe: A 50 year old log sawer champion is summoned from reclusion to accompany and serve by Tanya’s side.
Maeve: Is Tanya’s #1 bully from the past. Also 50, she is now a high powered socialite and attorney running for office. She is humbled and invests when Tanya creates a popular fountain of youth product. Is she just vying for campaign support? Is she deeply jealous or in awe of Tanya, still? Or will she support the militia?
Mother Nature: Calls to action
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Tanya: An ex convict nail technician with a pension for holistic mixology and anti aging products, suddenly discovers her unknown super powers and greater purpose/destiny, all while attempting to seek revenge on her childhood bullies. Irony: All of her little idiosyncrasies she was made fun of for as a child, were just inclines and mishaps due to her untapped super powers that will in the end make her a super hero.
Lupe: A champion log sawer. Super powers?
Maeve: A high powered attorney. Super powers?
Mother Nature: Mother Nature calls to rehabilitate her planet. Her super powers are waning and she needs to be powered by Tanya, ie. Taina, her daughter’s powers.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tanya: Goes back to her “home town” and seeks revenge. She was recently released from lock up (for?) … She knows she is different but hasn’t figured it out yet… Is chosen and called upon by Mother Nature herself to spearhead the saving Earth from climate change and distress.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lupe: Like Tania, she doesn’t know her origin. Was raised by frontier folks who “tamed” her.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Maeve: Has always secretly been jealous of Tanya’s rebellious and adventurous nature? She was the leader of the girls who tortured Tanya in high school. Wants to go on this adventure even if it means losing an election. She can come back and say ..?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mother Nature: May be washed up. Has a drug problem that is interfering with the well being of Earth. Dementia is clouding her perception and decision making, as well as her powers. Her super powers are waning and she needs to be powered by Tanya, ie. Taina, her daughter’s powers.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tanya:Revenge. Deceit by making a fountain of youth product that would have the opposite effect on her childhood bullies, which backfires as it goes against her chosen destiny. ?????
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lupe: ???
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Maeve: Walking away from family post and expectations of carrying on tradition. Breech of some kind of investigation against Tanya..?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mother Nature: Has to lie. Puts the others lives in danger. Makes mistakes. Trusts the wrong people.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tanya: Self sabotage when her cream backfires and everyone loves it and they start to love her. She purposely doesn’t try to be good at her super powers. Resists the calling by trying to prove her unworthiness whenever she can’t figure out the lesson or can’t access the appropriate super powers accordingly. Lies. Runs away. Abuses her power to boost her ego but then beats herself up for it.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lupe: Change. Discover Super Powers. Heal the Earth.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Maeve: Change. Discover Super Powers. Heal the Earth.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mother Nature: Alienate Tanya. Threaten to remove nature all together. Create bad weather/storms/natural disaster, ie. temper tantrum when she doesn’t perform well or gets angry.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tanya: Her life has been filled with injustices. She did time for reacting to being abused. Has scars. She numbs out with drugs and alcohol. Has an unexplainable passion for nature and animals until we find out why. Tries to end climate change, take out adversity and save Earth, all while leading a mediocre at best posse of characters who she’s had no choice but to assemble for war.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lupe: Has trouble accessing Super Powers. Humiliated. Makes a lot of mistakes. Misses her family, children. Completely out of her element.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Maeve: Also way out of her element, especially environmentally. Has to rid herself of precious material objects to make the trip. Has to toughen up. Has to pee outside. Wear dirty clothes.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mother Nature: Her sole purpose is to recreate a planet free of climate disaster and free of those who abuse their planet. She is passionate to start over, but can she. Is it too late? She sacrificed her babies to keep her position but for a good cause even though it backfired eventually. Are these 3 her babies? Hmmmm
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Rebecca’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that, a) it can be fun and b) identifying all the characters and their roles/purpose first, even if uncertain, helps to see way more possibilities for long term story/character arc, direction etc. c) I see I can separate out all the character journey’s that affect the main journey with a sense of how it could play along the way. This all allows for playing around and trying different means to the end.
Lesson #2
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Example show: Secrets and Lies
A. Main Characters Circle: Ben, wife, kids, Jess and Tom, Detective
B. Connected Circle: Neighbors, Jess’s husband.
C. Environment Circle: Reporters, Police
ASSIGNMENT 2:
My show: Mother Nature Calls
A. Main Characters Circle:<div>
1. Hero/Midwestern derelict #1: Taina/Tanya aka Tatiana, a washed up holistic practitioner with a bone to pick moves back in with her foster parents and plots her revenge on childhood bullies and when it back fires for the good, she is forced to face a super natural calling that will forever change the planet as we know it.
2. Midwestern derelict #2: A Regional Champion Log Sawer is yanked from her most important competition and has to come to terms with her necessary but somewhat humiliating (empathetic) super power.
3. Midwestern derelict #3:A higher power..? A figure or guide responsible for making sure that Tanya recognizes and brings to fruition her mission/duty/powers/agenda as a chosen warrior and pursues her duties to save and redeem the earth via the others chosen.
4. Midwestern derelict #4:What super powers are needed?
5. Midwestern derelict #5: What super powers are needed? </div><div>B. Connected Circle:
1. Foster Dad: Young/Older
2. Foster Mom: Young/Older
3. Childhood friend #1 younger/older
4. Childhood friend #2 younger/older
5. Childhood friend #3 younger/older
6. Friend’s Parent’s
7. ?
8. Mother of Taina who abandons her as a baby.
9. Parents of newborn baby Taina who’s name is changed to Tanya.
10. Warden of a Female Prison
11. Towns people and patrons of Tanya’s holistic store/salon</div><div>
C. Environment Circle:
1. Towns people and patrons of Tanya’s holistic store/salon, Present
2. Past acquaintances of Tanya?
3. Fellow derelicts residing in a lock up facility (past)
4. Fellow inmates in a moment’s detention center.
5. Friends parents.
6. School administrators and teachers2. See above, one line description of each of the main characters. …A work in progress.
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Secrets and Lies 5 Star Model, Lesson #1
What I learned from doing this assignment is how necessary it is to raise many questions, not just about the main characters, but about all the characters in relation to the main character/s.
Beats:
Ben finds young Tom murdered in the woods on his morning run.
Detective shows up to question Ben. The boy is the neighbors son. Ben tells his daughter who is Tom’s sitter about his death.
Buddy shows up and they try to recall the night before.
Jess/neighbor goes with police. Ben tries to talk to her. Detective is watching.
Detective wants DNA sample. He refuses. Gave CPR.
Neighbors bring food, surprised to see Ben home. Neighbor has a bone with Ben.
Ben goes to Jess, Detective shows up about flashlight/weapon.
Mysterious man on motorcycle in front of house.
Graffiti on garage, “child killer”, confronts buddy regarding how he got home night before. Gets fired because of press.
Wife questions what he’s not telling her.
Detective informs Ben that he is Tom’s father/DNA test is 99.9% pos.
5 Star Points for that show.
1) Big Picture Hooks – Family man, Ben, finds neighbor’s little boy, Tom, who was murdered in the woods. He is a suspect and doesn’t remember the night before. Had an affair with the neighbor and finds out Tom is his son. <div>
2) Amazing and Intriguing Character – Man doesn’t remember the night before, finds out he is Tom’s father.
3)Empathy / Distress – Man is estranged from wife; something happened. Guilty before proven innocent. Detective determined to take him down. Can’t remember what happened. Wants to do the right thing.
<div>
4) Layers / Open Loops – Did he kill the kid? Who thinks he’s guilty? Detective seems to have a vendetta. What’s the relationship with Jess? Where’s Jess’s husband? What happened between Ben and wife in the past? How did he get home. DNA sample. Missing flashlight. Mystery man on motorcycle. Daughter obsessed with Christmas.
5) Inviting Obsession – Need to find out what’s up with detective. Who Killed the boy. What’s Ben relationship
with neighbor? and Tom? <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Every character has a stake in the story and is hiding something. Who’s telling the truth?</div></div>
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Hello Everyone,
I’m Rebecca Jordan. I am an actress, singer. I have written one full length feature which I created over 20 years ago and just completely reimagined in the 30 day and the pro rewrite classes. I wrote one short that was briefly in production but never completed. I then wrote that into a full length play which had a well received reading, but I hated it. I also wrote a surreal, to be animated, script. And I have performed in nearly 100 plays.
I enjoy writing and am hoping to improve my skills and have a go to process so that I won’t be discouraged.
Something unique, strange special about myself. Hmmm. I am Puerto Rican American, raised by a Japanese step father. I have performed opposite Ed Harris on stage, as his wife. I’m currently a singer in the #1 Tom Petty tribute band.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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I, Rebecca Jordan, agree to the terms of this release form.
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Rebecca loves separating dialogue. Lesson #13
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I was overthinking what I had already written and taking way too much time to move on from this. Found it tedious and frustrating. So I started over. Went back and re-read the assignment. Realized I was cheating and had not really completely separated Rachel’s dialogue. I have only gotten about a 1/4 way through, but it’s going better this time. I hope.
Rachel – lead
Role: Artist, Musician, Daughter, Protagonist, Optimist
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Overly Self sufficient
– Curious
– Sarcastic
– Resourceful
– Determined
1 ) Before
RACHEL
I was this close to being done with that fucking tome of chaos. Now I gotta rewrite a bunch of shit…
(choking back tears)
Mother fucker! Illustrating is so much less complicated // than fucking words.
Over her shoulder, as she wheels her gear away.
RACHEL
Sorry. I don’t mean to be so crass. I’m a bit of mess.
After
RACHEL
I was this close to sending that fucking tome of chaos to my editor. Now I gotta rewrite a bunch of shit…
(choking back tears)
PAUL
Forget about the memoir // for now.
RACHEL
Mother fucking coward! I looked up to that guy.
Over her shoulder, as she wheels her gear away.
RACHEL
Sorry, I’m a bit of mess. You sure you want to be around me? With my lovely doo and all.
—————————————————————————
2) Before
Thanks. This sucks… really bad timing. Not that any time would’ve be good.
I guess I thought… by writing the memoir… well A, that I would make me some money!
And B… I think I thought it would absolve me…
I guess.
PAUL
What are you gonna do?
RACHEL
Fuck if I know.
PAUL
And that’s okay. You do what’s best // for you.
RACHEL
What’s best for me? I’m gonna go home. Drink more. And try to figure some fucking shit out.
PAUL
You go girl!
Rachel laughs at Paul. Paul joins her in this laugh at his expense. Truck back down and out of the driveway. Paul waves.
After
Paul leans over the open window of Rachel’s truck. She starts the engine. Leans back to look up at Paul.
PAUL
I’m glad you stopped by.
RACHEL
Me too… Really. I’m just totally distracted.
PAUL
I know.
RACHEL
Not that any time would’ve been a good time… but this is really bad timing.
PAUL
I get it.
RACHEL
I think I thought that writing the memoir… well A, that I’d make me some money.
PAUL
No shit.
RACHEL
But… I don’t know… I thought maybe…
PAUL
You could get away with not having to see your Mom again.
RACHEL
How very astute.
PAUL
Yea well.
RACHEL
Okay. I’m gonna go home. Drink more. And try to figure some fucking shit out.
PAUL
You go girl!
Rachel laughs at Paul. Paul joins at his expense. Truck back down and out of the driveway. Paul waves.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Rebecca’s Transition Scenes, #12
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can probably get rid of some more transitions. I had pretty good organic transitions in regard to setting a convention for going back and forth in time. This assignment has helped me go back and refine to what is needed and I also layered even more elements of irony, suspense and reveals to deepen their meaning.
I started in the middle of a pretty long scene with a series of transitional scenes that follow. Changes/adds are in bold, or noted. These are visual and sound transitions below.
CARLEE
No Beth, you are such a child! Please just get the fuck out of my home.
Carlee waves them toward the door.
WARREN
Okay ma’m. Let’s go.
CARLEE
This is my home. And unless you have a warrant, you are not welcome here. She’s not welcome here, Officer. You seem nice.
Beth already down the stairs.
BETH
This is useless.
Carlee closes the door behind them. Flips both birds at the door!
CARLEE
Fuck You!
HALLWAY
Carlee yells down the hallway.
CARLEE
Stew! Rachel has to go now.
And please don’t argue with me. I can’t have this.
STEW (os)
Okay.
CARLEE
I mean it. I do not need that bitch coming into my house with the cops insulting me.
WALK IN CLOSET
Rachel, still curled up, whimpers quietly.
CARLEE (O.S.)
Rachel, honey. Come on. You have to go home now.
Rachel stops crying. Wipes her face. Slides the bifold open. Is blinded by the light.
BACK TO:
EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – DUSK
TRUCK
Sunset illuminates Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps.
HIGHWAY OFFICER
Move along now. This is no place to be sleeping alone in your truck.
Rachel gives a wave of acknowledgment. Guzzles a bottle water from paper bag on the front seat. As the officer drives off, she finds the roach in the ashtray. Fires it up.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT
Rachel weighted down with luggage and such. Drags her ass down the gloomy hallway with stained carpet tiles.
RACHEL
Fucking piece of shit dirt bag motel.
Rachel finds her room. Inserts the key card. Green light flashes. Hand on the door knob pushes door open.
EXT. APARTMENT, COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY, 1977
SOUND of DOOR BUZZER. Rachel’s youthful hand on the door knob at the entry, bag slung over her shoulder. She pushes the door open.
INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Stairwell, dark and dank, in need of a paint job and new carpet. Rachel, at the bottom of the stairs, knocks on the door.
RACHEL
Hello.
JERRY
Yeah. Hi. Come On in.
Rachel pushes the door open.
INT. DINGY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
JERRY, 40’s, kicked back in his chair feet up on the desk, hands behind his head exposing dark sweat stained arm pits and his lint filled belly button from under his ill fitted t-shirt. He watches football on a tiny black and white television, throws back an Old Milwaukee. Squishes the can and lops it into the over flowing trash.
Jerry sees Rachel, sits up in his chair.
JERRY
Come on in! Come in! Don’t be shy.
Rachel takes one step in.
JERRY
What can I do you for missy?
RACHEL
Hi. Remember me?
JERRY
You look familiar.
RACHEL
I was here about a week ago.
RACHEL
Looked at the corner apartment upstairs? Said I’d be back.
JERRY
Yeah, I remember. What’s da name?
RACHEL
Rachel.
JERRY
I figured you didn’t want it. People been lookin’ at it.
Rachel’s eyes widen.
RACHEL
Is it gone?
JERRY
Someone was looking at it.
RACHEL
Oh.
JERRY
You were supposed to bring a check by da udder day.
RACHEL
Yeah, I’m sorry.., I um.., I ended up having to work some double shifts. And then I had to go out of town for a couple of days… for work.
He sizes her up. She poises herself to look down at him.
RACHEL
Is it available? I can give you a deposit today. Cash.
Jerry rummages through some messy stacks of paper on his desk.
JERRY
Did you already fill out da paper work?
Rachel fidgets, twisting the handles of her bag. She sees the tumbling stacks of file folders with papers sticking out.
RACHEL
Yeah. I did… already filled it out.
Jerry gives up.
JERRY
Okay. Well if you give me a deposit today da place is yours.
RACHEL
Okay.
Rachel digs through her bag..,
Pulls out little wads of cash from various pockets. Stacks them into a pile, straightens the bills as she counts.
Jerry’s attention is back to the television.
BACK TO:
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Big screen TV, sports. The bar is dead, only a handful of patrons scattered about. BARTENDER, 60, engrossed in a crossword puzzle at one end of the bar.
Rachel, 50’s, at the bar alone, watches the bartender who finally looks up.
RACHEL
I’ll take another shot of Jack when you get a chance.
BARTENDER
Sure.
Bartender sighs, slowly waddles over with a bottle of Jack. Refills the shot glass on the bar.
BARTENDER
Another beer too?
RACHEL
No thanks. How much?
BARTENDER
Four bucks.
Rachel sets Five bucks on the bar. Throws back the shot.
RACHEL
Thanks.
She heads over to the arcade games. Puts a hand full of quarters from her pocket on top of the pin ball machine and one into the slot. Rachel’s anger escalates as the balls drop into the gutter. She checks her phone. Sees a text from Paul. Ignores it. Back to pinball.
EXT. GALLEY WAY – DUSK, 1977
STEW’S CAR
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
They approach a galley way between to buildings.
RACHEL
Just turn in here?
STEW
Where?
RACHEL
Right here.
STEW
Are you out of your fucking mind? It’s all grass.
RACHEL
It’s okay. Nobody can see you. // Just back in.
STEW
Not unless someone just happens to be near their window.
Stew backs into the galley way. Careful not to mess up his rims.
STEW
This is not good.
RACHEL
My bedroom window is right back there. Stop. Right here is good.
EXT. STEW’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel and Stew are out of the car.
STEW
Which one is it?
RACHEL
Right there.
STEW
What are you gonna do? Climb up the side of the building?
RACHEL
You’re real funny. Duh. I have the key. You wait here. I’ll throw my shit out the window.
Stew looks up at window and then at the car.
STEW
I don’t think so.
RACHEL
Whatever. It’s just gonna be clothes. I’ll carry down the rest.
STEW
Hurry up.
Rachel, already on her way, running.
RACHEL
I’ll be fast. Believe you me.
STEW
Are you packed at least?
RACHEL
Why would I be packed? Jeez. I’m just gonna throw it down.
Rachel disappears around the corner.
Stew leans on his car. Lights up a smoke. Checks his watch. And the window. Then gets in the car and moves up away from the window.
Stew finishes up his smoke, stubs it out. Finally, the window above opens. A pile of clothes fly out the window. As if weightless, the clothes separate and slowly float down. Mick’s face still turned upward in awe. A shirt lands on his face. And the rest of the clothes come crashing down, landing in heap around him.
STEW
What the fuck?
RACHEL
(from the window)
Just shove it all in the trunk.
He folds some clothes and puts them in a pile. Rachel has another pile of clothes.
RACHEL
Don’t fold it. Jeez! Just shove it in the trunk.
INT. RACHEL’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, with a nearly full bag slung over her shoulder, runs around the room checking drawers. On her way out, she sees a framed photo of herself with her Mom on her dresser. She leaves it there. Then on second thought turns back, grabs it and shoves it into the bag.
EXT. STEW’S CAR — MOMENTS LATER
Rachel runs toward the car with her bag.
RACHEL
Let’s book. It’s getting dark.
She throws her stuff in the trunk. Slams it shut.
INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
Stew slowly pulls out and turns into the alley.
A squad car right behind them turns on flashing lights.
RACHEL
Shit! Holy shit! Alright. Just be cool. Drive normal.
STEW
Aw! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
EXT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
The squad car pulls right up to the driver’s side of the car. Stew rolls down his window.
Rachel wears a Cubs cap.
OFFICER
Is everything okay here?
STEW
Yes officer. I was just turning around.
OFFICER
That’s not a driveway young man.
STEW
Yeah. I know. I’m really sorry officer.
OFFICER
Alright. Well let’s move it along.
STEW
Thank you sir. Have a good one.
INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
STEW
Holy fuckin’ shit.
Rachel tries to catch her breath.
RACHEL
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Stew’s hands shake. He grips the wheel and slowly rides away.
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Rebecca’s elevated Scene Structure, #11
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it is well worth doing even if you believe your scene structure is already great. The tiniest adjustment can greatly elevate many if not all elements of scene structure, making the scene way more exciting. And I also automatically found even more meaningful actions that came inherently with the structural tweaks. Will continue to check how I can elevate meaningful action and scene structure throughout!! I had some happy unexpected twists that elevated characters, as well. Also found more spine in the characters.
The following little sequence of three scenes, 150-153, tweaked structure to elevate/add a touch of suspense, crucible, irony, twist, mystery and reveal. Changes/adds are in bold. I am doing this process with other scenes as well.
In this progression, Beth flies to Puerto Rico to see her estranged 6 yr old son. She shows up at Willy’s grandma’s house and claims to take Willy shopping. Beth agrees to return for dinner and leaves with Willy.
150 EXT. SAN JUAN, PR AIRPORT – NIGHT, 1972
Plane descends over the runway. Wheels ready themselves for landing. And bounce as they connect with their landing.
151 EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY
Beth pulls up in a small, very used rental car. Parks in front of a less than modest house surrounded by plantain trees. The living room is sunlit and can be seen through the screen door.
BETH
Hello? Hola?
ABUELA, late 40’s, boxy Latina Missionary with the air of a queen and a thick Spanish accent.
ABUELA
Ai dios mio! Beth. Que tu haces aqui? What are you doing here? Como estas?
Sees the car.
ABUELA
Are you alone?
BETH
I came to see my son.
Abuela looks to Beth for meaning. Then opens the door and allows her pass. A child can be heard coughing in the other room.
152 INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
ABUELA
Willy! Ven aqui nene, hay alguien aqui para verte.
Willy, thin and sickly, gallops in like a horsey. Stops to catch his breath. Coughs.
ABUELA
Mira quien es.
WILLY
Quien esta?
ABUELA
Es su Madre.
Willy stops.
WILLY
Que? No. Su es mi Madre, Mami.
BETH
Hola Willy. Do you remember me?
He shakes his head no. Beth kneels down and opens her arms wide. Gives her best possible smile.
BETH
Can I have a hug? Un brazo?
Willy looks to La Abuela.
ABUELA
Dar le un brazo nene.
Willy slow steps toward Beth. He lets her hug him. Beth pulls Willy tight into her arms. She is emotional. Her eyes meet Abuela’s, whose are pinned on hers. Smug and satisfied. Back to Beth, she holds her own.
153 EXT. CIALES, PR, HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Beth holds Willy’s hand, guides him to the car. Abuela at the stoop, blows kisses and waves to Willy who waves back over his shoulder, clueless.
BETH
I’m going to spend the day with my son. I’ll take him shopping for some clothes and toys.
ABUELA
Okay Beth. And what about dinner? You’ll be back? And you can have dinner with us. Okay?
BETH
Sure.
RENTAL CAR
Beth tucks Willy into the back seat and buckles him in. Big smiles and waves to Abuela. Abuela smiles and waves back.
The rental car slowly drives away as their goodbye waves drift off and fade into the background.
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Rebecca’s meaningful action, Lesson #10
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I don’t have much in the way of talking head scenes, which seems good but concerns me. So, I have flagged the scenes between Rachel and Paul to revisit their purpose and see if I can elevate the subtext by creating more meaningful action and flesh out Paul’s character a little more.
Deeper meaning of scene –
Rachel deflects Pauls feelings for her because she feels unworthy of him and is scared of her feelings for him and the inability to be in a stable relationship which she knows he is capable of. She believes he is too good for her and tries to discourage his feelings for her by being short with him and exposing her flaws to prove that he’s barking up the wrong tree.
Actions that will either support or contrast that meaning – in bold.
103) INT. TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel still parked, eats chips. Licks her fingers and grabs her cell.
RACHEL
Okay…
Hey Siri, call Paul O’Hagan on speaker.
SIRI
Calling Paul O’Hagan on speaker.
Phone rings. Rachel cracks open a fresh pint of JD from the bag, takes a long swig and belches.
PAUL (o.s.)
Ralph!
RACHEL
Oops. Such a lady. I know. Sorry about that.
Paul chuckles.
PAUL (o.s.)
There she is.
Rachel mouths his words, mocking him.
RACHEL
I know okay? go ahead. rip me a new one.
PAUL
Would I do that?
RACHEL
…
PAUL
Okay. Obviously you won’t make it back tonight.
RACHEL
Correct… Sorry but…
PAUL
…Are you okay, babe?
Rachel winces.
RACHEL
Yea. I’m fine… well I will be. Ugh.
(beat)
I Was on my way back, but I had… to turn around. It’s a long story.
PAUL
What’s up? Talk to me.
RACHEL
Can you guys just please rehearse without me?
INT. PAUL’S HOME – – CONTINUOUS
Paul picks up a dart from the table and whips it across the room. Bulls eye!
RACHEL (o.s.)
Hello?
Paul sits on the couch. Cradles his head in his hands. Regroups.
PAUL
Rach–
RACHEL
I’ll be ready. More than ready Okay? You know I will. // Trust me.
PAUL (o.s.)
I know you’ll kill it. You always do. You’re a pro. I’m worried about you though. You seem very, I don’t know. Talk to me. Come on.
RACHEL
Paul–
PAUL
Okay. Fine. I take it back. I’m here for you. I want to be there for you. I care about you.
Rachel chokes back another swig to avoid the tears.
PAUL
I understand… not today. Probably not tomorrow. Just want you to know I’m in your court. You know what I mean?
Rachel air boxes violently; a silent tantrum.
PAUL (o.s)
Hello?
RACHEL
I don’t want to keep tarnishing everything shiny in my life.
PAUL
Awwww. Rach. That’s mushy.
RACHEL
Shut up. I have to go, dudey. I’ll keep you posted.
PAUL
Check the calendar. We have gigs.
RACHEL
A week tops. Two. No. One week.
PAUL
Okay. Text me. A lot. Bye.
RACHEL
Bye.
Rachel stares ahead, tears pour from her sad eyes. Another chug of Jack. Then rolls a doob for the ride.
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Rebecca’s elevated story beats. #8
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I need to be more organized from the beginning and will now know how to do that. Also, learned that there are so many choices that can be made and elevating can be endless. Purpose, purpose, purpose!!!
1. (E10) EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK PURPOSE: Introduce Rachel (Hero) as musician. Moved inciting event to just before opening. Rachel has just found out that her Uncle Ben has killed himself.
STAGE – The MC introduces the band. Cheers from the eager crowd swell. DRUMMER starts a slow sexy familiar beat. A rumble of recognition as the crowd closes in on the stage. Rachel is late, the crowd is restless.
2. (E10) BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT –
PAUL, 50’s, lead guitarist, meets Rachel in the lot as her truck swoops into a spot and parks.
They unload the truck and jog to the stage.c) Rachel tells Paul her Uncle killed shot himself in the head.
d) They unpack Rachel’s guitar and run on stage. Crowd goes nuts.
3. (E10) EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
MUSIC. The band rocks out their final encore! (Suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or original Soldier On).
AUDIENCE
A wavy sea of lighters sway back and forth and dance in the dark to the rhythm of the MUSIC. The tide rolls in and hugs the stage as the song erupts to its finish.
STAGE
Rachel, statuesque center stage, resembles a triumphant warrior in one of her own paintings. Her tambourine held high quivers to a climax. Rachel belts her last note. Band follows with an extended flourish. Budump!!
The crowd howls and chants for more. “One more! One more!”
RACHEL
Thank you everyone! You’re awesome. Thanks for having us here. It’s been a great pleasure playing for you tonight. See you next time. You rock!
On their way off, the Band bows and waves. More excitement from the crowd.
4. EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS Elevated by having Rachel accept invite instead of decline.
Paul convinces Rachel to come by for the after party to take a break from her memoir and be with people who love her.
5. (E7) EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – LATER Added for emotion and Paul connection.
Rachel says goodnight to Paul. We find out that Rachel thought that by writing her memoir, other than being commissioned and making money, she would also be absolved of the need to see her Mom again. But now that her Uncle is dead…
6. (E9) EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY – MOMENTS LATER
Truck cruises along a vast dark country road.
MONTAGE
7. EXT. CHICAGO, BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN – DAY 1972
RACHEL, 8, with WILLY, 6, her Spanish speaking spitting image. They laugh and jump. Taunt waves at one another.
THE GRASS
Rachel’s Mom, 26, poised on a blanket. Wears a straw wide brimmed hat to protect her fair skin. She reads an interesting book. Looks up. Smiles at the kids. Waves. Back to book.
8. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Rachel, 9, waits outside for her brother, Willy.
Willy exits, sees Rachel and runs into her arms.
9. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel pushes Willy in a swing.
10. EXT. HIGH RISE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks Willy home.
BACK TO:
11. (E7) EXT. FARM, DRIVEWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel arrives at the farm where she lives.
MONTAGE
12. (E8) EXT. RANCH – DAY 1974
chicken coup catch a duck for dinner
13. (E5) EXT. ARENA – DAY 1974
Rachel, rides the Palomino western style, practices barrel racing techniques. HILLARY, late 20’s, tall statuesque beauty, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
14. (E7) INT. ARENA – DUSK 1974
Rachel rides a chestnut English style, alongside older more experienced teen agers. They practice jumps. Cue Rachel from the other side and pass a joint. Someone offers Rachel a joint. She takes it not sure what to do with it. One of the teens gives her a quick lesson. She chokes a little. They laugh, “she’s christened” and head out for a trail ride.
BACK TO:
15. (E5) EXT. FARM – CONTINUOUS Transition scene
RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel’s truck approaches. Passes several barns and a large house. Parks in front of the small well-lit barn transformed into a little house, just steps away from a much larger horse barn.
Rachel hops out. Unloads the truck.
16. (E9) INT. HORSE BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel now in a flannel button down and tall rubber boots, cares for and loves on the horse. Feeds and waters.
17. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel enters. Slips out of her boots. Hangs her jacket on the hook. Flips open the laptop on her desk. Pours herself a scotch. Sips. Looks at the pic board as she rolls a joint. Lights up. Long drag. She looks through the box of photos. Finds some old pictures of the Ranch with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. Studies a picture of Hillary and Cliff watching Rachel, 10, milk a cow. Laughs.
MONTAGE
18. (E7) INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT 1974
Rachel discovers she is eating the duck they caught at dinner with Cliff and Hillary.
19. (E6) INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – LATER
Rachel shows Hillary and Cliff her drawings and aptitude for art like her mom and uncle. Tries duck
20. (E8) INT. HIGH RISE – HALLWAY – DAY 1974
Hillary brings Rachel back home to her Mom who has just returned from a long trip.
21. INT. HIGH RISE – APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel is uncomfortable with her Mom. Prefers Hillary. Mom judges Rachel.
BACK TO:
22. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Rachel finds a picture of Willy, at age 3.
23. (E8) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Rachel waits in a blizzard, outside the chain link fence, for Willy.
24. (E8) INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY 1972
Rachel, 8, meets her Dad who she at first thinks is an Uncle.
BACK TO:
25. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, drunk, pins a photograph of her Dad looking looking like a young Puerto Rican Elvis in his white straw rimmed hat, holding a newborn Rachel.
Then finds a picture of herself,16, with Uncle Ben looking super cool in his Ray bans and groovy belt buckle.
She inspects the pic, curses at it and blames Uncle Ben’s act of suicide on the fact that she now has to edit her nearly finished memoir,
26. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
Rachel past out on the couch in the same clothes.
Aunt Nina calls (MOVED***Inciting Incident to moment before opening; when Rachel hears the message from Nina about Uncle Ben’s suicide. But Rachel hasn’t called Nina back yet. Need to adjust dialogue to, “did you get my message?”…)
20. Moved up. now #25
27. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – DAY
Rachel enters. Hangs her plaid jacket on the hook. Steps out of her boots. Sits at her desk. Reads the computer screen. Cradles her head in her hands. Fake cries. Quiet. Still.
Then moans. Agony. Lights a joint.
KITCHEN
Makes another cup of coffee.
Back to the pic board. Inspects a faded black and white photo now pinned next to the pic of Rachel with her Uncle Ben. Two young men in combat camos and hard hats. It’s uncle Ben, 20’s with Rachel’s DAD 20, Puerto Rican with the charm of Elvis.28. (E9)
28. INT. DINING ROOM (NINA’S HOUSE) – DAY 1976 (*** May swap these next 2 scenes)
Family feud on Easter. Mom/Beth shows up way late after Easter dinner, proceeds to kill the vibe and then proceeds to criticize the way her family takes care of Rachel. Bad influence. Family gangs up on Beth for her negligence and lack of gratitude. *****Uncle Ben is introduced. ****Need to elevate Ben’s traits here, just a bit.
BACK TO:
29. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING Transition
Rachel, at the computer, finishes a scotch. Pours another. Paces. Picks up a picture of Beth.
RACHEL
So where you at these days? Hmmmm… Mummy Dearest?
30. (E8) INT. HIGH RISE APT – EVENING 1973
The living room cast in blue while the voice of Shirley Temple croons from a tiny black and white screen TV propped on a chest. Rachel plays with her barbies. Phone rings. Mom calls to check in and finds out that Willy didn’t make it home from school.
BACK TO:
31. (E9) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Dark MUSIC. Rachel, in time with the music, hurls furious gut wrenching strokes of black and blue paint onto a partially realized painting.
A loud knock at the door. Rachel jumps and screams.
AUNT NINA
Yoo-hoo!!!!
Aunt Nina stops by unexpectedly with the last address she has for Mom/Beth. She also brings some boxes that Mom left in her basement.
32. (E9) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel holds the piece of paper with the address on it in one hand. Hits a joint with her other. Threatens to light the piece of paper on fire. Instead, balls it up and tosses it into the trash.
Grabs her jacket with conviction. Steps into her boots. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Slams door on her way out.
33. (E9) INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, tipsy, feeds horses and tops off their water. Talks things through with the horses. Therapy.
34. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
Disarray. Rachel, still covered in paint. Already has a fresh cup of coffee. Sees the overstuffed trash can. Dumps it and finds the wad with the address on it. Irons it flat. Stares at it. Sips coffee.
Googles the address. Too far. On hold with town’s police station to have them go to her Mom’s house with a message to call her.
35. (E8) EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY 1973
Rachel’s Dad unexpectedly visits her at school. She feels special.
BACK TO:
36. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
On speaker phone with police station. Rachel has a message sent to her Mom’s house to call her.
37. (E9) LOFT
Rachel on the bed. Stares at the ceiling. Hits the joint.
38. (E9) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Blizzard. School yard covered in snow. Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Dad just around the corner puts Willy in the back seat of the rental car.
39. EXT. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – CONTINUOUS
Rachel still waits at the chain link fence. The car slowly rides by. Willy’s eyes on her from the back seat.
Rachel pulls her hood over her head. Leaves.
BACK TO:
40. (E9) LOFT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel swipes tears from her cheeks and neck. Stubs out the joint. Goes to her closet. Pulls hangers. Violently throws clothes on the bed.
41. (E5) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel dressed sexy. Finishes make up at the mirror. Lipstick. Fixes hair. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Grabs a different jacket. Checks the mirror, again. Leaves.
42. (E6) INT. PUB – NIGHT
Local pub with the usuals. MUSIC on the juke box.
Rachel, at the bar, drinks beer and shots with BUCK, 50, handsome, fit farmer. They’re drunk. Laughing. Bumping into each other.
43. (E9) INT. LOFT – LATER
Rachel and Buck have stupid drunk sex.
44. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
LOFT
Rachel wakes Buck, tells him he’s gotta go.
***Clean up this transition.
45. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Buck awkwardly climbs down the ladder from the loft. Rachel gives him a coffee to go and kicks him out. Dials a number and puts phone on speaker. Paces. Takes a picture of Beth from the board. Sneers hard at it.
47. (E7) INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room through a wall of windows. SOUND, static of walkies over slushy traffic from Lake Shore Drive.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Beth paces. Erratic. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping.
Phone rings.
BETH AND RACHEL (OS)
Hello.
BACK TO:
48. (E-3) INT. RACHEL’S BARN (I’m okay with this transition. It finishes a long heavy section.)
Rachel on speaker phone, second call to police station. No news. Officer left a note for Mom.
49. (E-3) INT. LOFT – DAY
Rachel, hair wet, dresses with purpose. Whips articles of clothing from drawers to duffel bag. Shoves it all in. Zips it up. Drops it over the ledge.
50. (E3) EXT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER (***** Purpose check****- I think this transitional grouping 50-52 actually shows a call to action after just having revealed a bit of mystery to create curiosity. I edited a little and will look again later.)
Rachel tosses her duffel bag and guitar into her truck. Off to the barn. Slides the big door open. Whinnies of delight are heard from the stalls.
Rachel finishes up her work and leaves, many goodbyes and kisses later.
51. TRUCK
Rachel, behind the wheel, coasts up the road. Sees FARM OWNERS, 60’s, on their lawn. Waves. Rolls the window down. Thanks them.
52. INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DUSK
Rachel, at the wheel, sings along to MUSIC. The scalding sun hovers like a raging fire alongside the desolate thirsty highway. Rachel hits off her Jack and chases with bottled water. Turns the music off. The sound of wind and tires turning on the pavement.
53. (E-8) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Snow flurries create a blur. Rachel at the chain link fence. Willy’s eyes on her from a hole in the fogged up back seat window as it slowly fogs back up. Slush SPLASHES on the street. Rachel pulls her hood over her head. Leaves.
54. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Deserted. Stillness. Swings covered in snow.
55. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel on the corner turns full circle, takes a final scan, squints to see through the snowy sky. Nothing. Resigned, she slowly disappears a she rounds the turnstile into the high rise building.
BACK TO:
56. (E-6) EXT. ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel suddenly pulls off to the side of the road. Discouraged. Smokes some weed. Resets. Then. Screeches back onto the road. Takes a deep angry breath. Pounds on the steering wheel. Chants the fuck song.
A long wide country road. Pedal to the metal. Flips MUSIC on loud. Rachel thrashes in rhythm.
57. (E-7) EXT. BETH’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel arrives at what she thinks may be her Mom’s house. Turns MUSIC down. Meets Glen and Sheila who are renting her mom’s house. They invite her in. She declines.
58. (E-7) EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pumps gas. Sees the pub next-door.
59. (E-7) INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, at the bar. Parties with GUY. Waves off his advances. He’s belligerent.
60. (E-5) INT. PICK UP TRUCK -CONTINUOUS (May need to elevate entertainment here. It does set up the next moment…)
Rachel cruises along the deserted highway. Answers Paul’s call. She missed rehearsal.
(E-8) INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, distracted, looks for a lighter, crashes the car into a light post. Bumps her head. Freezes. Touches her head. Looks in the mirror. Looks around. It’s a ghost town.
61. (E-7) EXT. ROADSIDE – LATER
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,
62. (E-7) INT. TOW TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel tucked in the passenger seat with her bag and guitar piled on her lap. Tow Guy drives. Silence. Drops her off at Glen and Sheila’s house. Rachel flips him off.
63. (E-5) EXT. BETH’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS (I will leave these (63-67) alone for now. The should evoke emotion.)
Rachel sits on the stoop. Checks the time. Wraps her jacket around her.
64. EXT. BEACH – DAWN 1977
Rachel takes in the sun as it rises over the lake.
65. (E-4) EXT. THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS
Rachel disappears into the hedges that line the corner mansion.
She finds a small concealed clearing on the grass. Curls up into a ball tries to cover herself with the jacket.
BACK TO:
_______________________________ACT 2___________________________________
66. (E-6) INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT (***CONTINUE TO WORK ON the deeper PURPOSE OF THIS SCENE. Turning Point.)
Rachel in awe of Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas, having invited her in to spend the night in their guest room. They turndown the bed and get her towels; show her the hotel drawer with all the soaps and shampoos, etc.
67. GUEST ROOM
Once alone, Rachel opens the hotel drawer, takes out some cotton balls and antiseptic. Looks in the mirror. Cleans her wound. It stings.
68. (E-9) EXT. STREET – EVENING 1977
Rachel, 13, scantily dressed, from a mother’s point of view, with a big purse over her shoulder, waits at the corner for the light to change, then hurriedly crosses the street and heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings.
69. EXT. BROWN STONE – CONTINUOUS
She stops at the entrance, spits into a tissue and swipes the makeup off her face and lips. Pops a piece of gum in her mouth. Takes a more age appropriate shirt from her purse and throws it over her the one she has on.
70. (E-9) INT. BROWN STONE APARTMENT, HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel skulks down the dimly lit hallway toward her bedroom door. Voices come from the dining room at the end of the hall. Just as Rachel ducks into her room, Beth enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono. Hair in place with chop sticks.
BETH
You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark.
71. INT. DINING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese speaking stepfather, athletic build, watch with disapproval as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.
Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice and has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.
Masa pounds on the table.
Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Bullies her way in.
72. INT. HALLWAY
The bedroom door opens. Rachel peeks out of her room. Looks both ways. Duffel bag in tow, Rachel tippy toes to the kitchen. Carefully slips out the back door.
BACK TO:
73. (E-4) INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT (***this is okay, quick transition, lets us know where she’s at in her story – could be entertaining… and jumps us off two the next beat from prior beat.)
Lap top falls to the floor. Rachel starts awake. Gives in and smokes some weed, blows it out the window. Gets a bottle of water. Reads what she’s written.
74. (E-7) INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT 1977
CARLEE, 40, Stew’s mom, eccentric with wild hair, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. Smokes a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.
74a. INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Wakes Stew and Rachel in the middle of the night and out of the blue sends Rachel home on her own.
74a. Carlee pleads outside Stew’s door for Rachel to leave.
74b.
74c.
75. INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
76. EXT. STEW’S BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
77. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET – CONTINUOUS
78. (E-8) INT. FOYER OF APARTMENT BLDG – LATER
Rachel gets entry to an apartment building and piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow, curls up, tries to get as comfortable and as concealed as possible. Swollen, heavy, bloodshot sockets.
79. INT. FOYER – DAWN
Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.
The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.
Rachel jolts awake.
The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.
Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.
80. (E-9) EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.
A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street. Rachel spins, uncertain where to go.
81. (E-6) EXT. BEACH – CONTINUOUS (this is a callback to show how she got there, ie. concept.)
Rachel, 13, stands at the corner. Takes in the rising sun. It’s reflection on the horizon of the lake.
BACK TO:
82. (E-6) INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING (Transition to emotional recall build.)
Rachel, in bed awake. Takes a moment to recall where she is. Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. A small patch of dried blood on her forehead.
Digs in her duffel. Then remembers the sock next to the bed. Takes a couple bumps from last nights packet.
Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
83. (E-6) INT. SHOWER – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel showers. Water pours over her face.
84. (E-7) INT. STEW’S APARTMENT – MORNING 1977
Kitchen door opens. Rachel, 13, peeks her head in. Listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops. Peers down the long hallway. All clear. Rachel glides down the hall and disappears into the bathroom. SOUND of the shower being turned on.
*******SMOOTH OUT FROM HERE DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH G AND S. Maybe Jenny’s story is during the ride in the truck until it pulls up in front of the diner.
85. (E-8) INT. DINER – DAY 1977
Rachel at a booth by the window, dressed nice with make up, drinks coffee and smokes a cig. The want ads are open in front of her. Several job listings have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. Rachel stubs out her cigarette. Ashtray is full. **** Add back in convo with waitress about hiring.
86. (E-7) EXT. DINER – MOMENTS LATER
A black Mercedes rolls up and stops in front of the diner. NORM, mid 40’s, stocky, bald, gets out of the car. Waves.
Rachel meets Norm at the car. He puts her bags in the trunk. Drives off.
87. INT. JENNY’S ROOM – NIGHT
88. (E-8) INT. NORM’S STUDIO
89. NORM”S CAR – MORNING
Silence… A different day. Tension. Norm jaw locked. Looks straight ahead. Rachel, in the passenger seat, holds her bags tightly on her lap. Looks out her window. Finally. Norm abruptly pulls over onto the side of the road. Let’s Rachel out to hitch a ride.
90. (E-8) EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Norm peels off. Makes a U turn. Rachel flips him off.
91. HIGHWAY RAMP
Rachel lights a smoke. Sticks her thumb up whenever a car or truck passes. Eventually, a huge red Mac truck slows. Passes by Rachel. Pulls over and stops. Rachel runs to the truck. Climbs in.
92. EXT. (E-7) DINER – CONTINUOUS
Mac truck pulls up and stops in front of the diner. Rachel climbs down from the truck. Crosses the street and enters the diner. She can be seen inside the diner talking to the waitress. The waitress disappears into the back leaving Rachel sitting alone at the same booth. She looks out the same window, drinks coffee and smokes a cig.
71. (E-8) INT. NORM’S PHOTO STUDIO – NIGHT
Rachel sits frozen on a wooden stool. She wears make up and red lipstick. Hair tousled, tries to be sexy.
Norm crouches. Looks through his camera lens. Rachel sees Jenny standing in the doorway.
Jenny, messy braids, holds her doll. Tears spring from her eyes. Norm takes her back to bed, leaving Rachel alone.
74. (E-5) INT. JENNY’S ROOM – NIGHT (This should evoke built up emotion.)
Every little girl’s fairy tale room. Jenny snuggled up on the bed of pink clouds, asleep in the crook of Rachel’s elbow. Finishes the last few lines. The End. Rachel tucks Jenny in. Looks at the whole of the room.
75. (E-7) EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
The waitress returns with an apron and paperwork/schedule for Rachel. Rachel stubs out another cig. Finishes her coffee. Says goodbye and leaves the diner. Walks down the street toward the L station.
BACK TO:
93. (E-8) INT. BETH’S HOUSE, KITCHEN – MORNING
Rachel at the kitchen table has breakfast with Glen and Sheila. Glen gives Rachel an old PO Box address where they used to send THE rents checks. They talk about having met Rachel’s mom and show her the handy work she’s done around the house.
94. (E-8) INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, sits on the bed with bags and guitar in hand, overwhelmed with feelings. Takes deep breaths.
95. (E-9) INT. SMALL HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room. A wall of windows. SOUND of wet traffic from the drive below.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping. Phone rings. Beth answers.
This time, Rachel remembers the entire phone call to the end..
BACK TO:
96. (E-8) INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel still on the bed. Hugs her things tightly. Tears roll relentlessly down her cheeks.
97. (E-2) EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY (Transition, maybe elevate the deeper meaning of the turning point…)
Rachel exits the Tow truck office. Gets her duffel, guitar and care package from the bench. Sees Glen and Sheila still waiting. Smiles. Waves vigorously. Glen and Sheila ride off waving back.
98. (E-6) INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
On the road again. Turns MUSIC on. Recognizes the song. Sings along.
99. (E-7) EXT. CITY INTERSECTION – DAY 1972
Same MUSIC continues. BETH’S CAR, at light, BUMPS to the beat.
Rachel, 8, dances in passenger seat with Beth,26, at the wheel, pumps the break. They laugh and rock in the car. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow. I can’t stop this feeling.” More laughter.
BACK TO:
TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Same SONG continues. Rachel laughs and sings along.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow” “I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me.”
101. (E-2) EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS (***need to improve entertainment value.)
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
102. (E-2) TRUCK (*****WORK ON SCENE/CALL WITH PAUL PURPOSE and entertain)
Rachel gets back into the truck. Still parked, eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water. Calls Paul to explain that she needs more time and will be back in a week.
103. (E-3) EXT. HIGHWAY – LATER (Transition)
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck cruising along, suddenly swerves onto the side of the road.
She gets out. Lights the joint. Stretches her legs. Takes in the land. Sloppy yoga poses toward the sunset.
104. (E-8) INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – DAY 1977
Stew, 16, and Rachel, 13, curled up on his bed, naked. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!! They jump. Freeze. Lock eyes.
Stew peeks out the door.
STEW
No. I have not.
105. (E-8) STELLA’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS (move this to after the beat – )
She runs into Stella’s room and leaps into the walk in closet.
106. (E-8) INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
107. WALK IN CLOSET
Rachel presses listens to her Mom tell Carlee that she will not lose her new husband and will choose him over Rachel is that’s what it comes down to. Carlee criticizes her
108. KITCHEN
Beth and WARREN, probation officer, 30-40, large, not to be messed with, handsome black man, stand at the back door questioning Carlee. Beth is looking for Rachel who is hiding in the closet and overhears her mother say that she will choose her new husband over her if it comes down to it.
109. WALK IN CLOSET
Rachel curled up in the closet cries. Carlee tells Rachel she has to go home and talk to her Mom.
BACK TO:
110. EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – EVENING (Transitional, Elevated by adding Police officer to wake her and send her off.)
TRUCK
Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps. He tells her to move along.
111. (E-5) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT (Transitional)
Rachel weighted down with stuff, drags her tired ass down the dim hallway with stained carpet tiles.
112 and 113 CRAPPY Motel ROOM Cut
112. (E-5) EXT. APT. COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY 1977 work on these 3 scenes.
113. stairway
114. dingy office
Rachel returns to the apartment mgr to secure the apartment she wants to rent.
BACK TO:
115.. (E-4) INT. BAR – NIGHT (Transitional) (Need to work on structure/entertainment on beats 114-120— clean it up for clarity. Do I need the bar here even though I like the visual? Does it serve a purpose. convention )
Dive bar. It’s dead. BARTENDER, 60, does a crossword puzzle at the far end of the bar. Rachel alone looks at her phone. “How’s it going? Call me later.” Ignores texts from Paul. Takes her mood out on the pinball machine.
116. (E-4) EXT. – GALLEYWAY – DUSK 1977
STEW’S CAR
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
They turn into a galley way between two buildings. Rachel goes inside and throws her clothes out the 2nd story window. They shove it all in the car and take off.
As Stew turn back into the alley. A squad car saddles up. Lights flashing.
Rachel now wears a Cubs cap. Stew rolls his window down. Cop lets them go. Close call. Phew!
BACK TO:
117. 95a. (E-3) INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
On pin ball machine stacking up a climax and then loses the game. SOUND of wu wu wu wu, you lose.
96. (E-6) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
*******Rachel sets up the room with towels on the bed……..
97. (E-4) INT. RACHEL’S APARTMENT – DAY 1977 ****WORK ON THIS LITTLE SECTION LEADING TO POST OFFICE.
Rays of sunshine beam across the freshly sanded floor illuminating the just painted living room. The apartment Mgr hands Rachel the keys. She smiles to herself. It’s a good day.
BACK TO:
PLACEHOLDER? WHAT ABOUT US MAIL JEEP SCENE? THIS!!!
119. (E-2) EXT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel smiles to herself as she approaches the Post Office. It’s a beautiful day.
120. (E-8) INT. POST OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel enters the post office……..
Rachel finds her Mom’s PO box that is still being used. She speaks with the Post Master who is able to give her some information about her Mom. Rachel leaves her phone number with the Post Master to give to the woman who picks up the mail.
Eleanor, the older woman who picks up Beth’s mail, enters the Post Office just as Rachel exits.
121. (E-8) EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel meanders about the town taking in its southern charm. Peeks into shop windows. Then disappears into a coffee shop.
122. (E-8) EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee. Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. It’s Eleanor. Rachel apologizes. They move on.
123TRUCK
Rachel approaches her truck carrying…. loads her goodies. SOUND of a train riding the tracks.
124. (E-10) EXT. L STOP – DAY 1977
SOUND of train riding the tracks continues. Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile. Buys a pack of smokes at the corner news stand. Crosses the street.
Suddenly two undercover police OFFICERS approach her. One at a time. They abduct Rachel.
BACK TO:
125. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel, in her underwear at the desk sits with a towel over the chair. finishes another beer. Closes computer.
She navigates getting under the sheets.
RACHEL
Ewwww!
Puts her sweats back on. Gets the remote. Then tries again. Turns on the TV. Changes channels. Reception is terrible. Lands on a channel with static, white noise.104. (E-7)
125. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
OFFICE
Rachel defiantly waits at the police station to be picked up by her Mother, while Officer #1 uses amusing scared strait tactics to try and rattle her.’
BACK TO:
126. (E-1) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL – CONTINUOUS (Need to work on whether I can cut this beat/scene all together. Save the call for the park call? Maybe it’s just an evasive text in order to respond at all.)
**** WORK ON THIS SCENE AND PURPOSE. Rachel dozes. Phone rings. It’s Paul. Calls to check in. Worried. She apologizes… Connect this scene to previous police station scene for deeper meaning. transition. crappy… alone… on her own…Does Rachel call him? Why this scene now? what do we need? next thing is that Rachel finds her mom got the call from home eleanor passed along her information but did not make the personal call. conflict of interest. need more on this relationship but when? They are both coming to an end of sorts…? explore
Removed beat 126. PLACE HOLDER for continuation of police pick up after Beth pick’s Rachel up. ie. paint store jeep, jeep set up. something that will land us in fear at the convalescent home.
BACK TO:
126. (E-5) EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING (Transition)
TRUCK
Rachel parked, takes the pint of Jack out of the bag. Untwists the cap. Sighs. Twists the cap back on. Grunts. Puts the bottle away.
127. (E-2) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER (Transition)
Rachel looks around. Assesses the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone. Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers. Visiting hours are over. Rachel leaves.
128. (E-8) RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception. Rachel, nonchalant, glides down the hallway, guitar in tow. Ducks into the ladies room to avoid being seen.
HALLWAY
Rachel peeks out the door. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors. Finds her Mom’s room number. Deep breath. Disappears into the room.
129. (E-10) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel lets her breath out. Sees her mom. BETH, 70’s, petite blonde, slightly propped up in her bed, connected to various machines. SOUND of breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another. Paralyzed. Rachel gasps for breath. Hot tears spring from her bloodshot eyes.
130. (E-9) INT. OFFICE, POLICE STATION – DAY 1977( *** SPLIT THIS W/ #125 ON BETH’S ENTRANCE.)
A large sparse office. Dingy tiles. Fluorescent lights. A big worn wooden desk.Rachel fidgets in a chair across from the desk. Her leg shakes impatiently. Officer #1 paces with authority. Drags on a cigarette. Exhales in Rachel’s direction. A couple cocky smoke rings. Other officer enters with Beth who has come to pick up Rachel.
131. (E-6) INT. HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Beth shops for paint. keeps a close eye on Rachel who stakes out an escape.
132. (E-10) EXT. SHERIDAN RD. – CONTINUOUS
JEEP
An old US MAIL JEEP in a long single lane of traffic waits for the green light. Suddenly, Rachel springs out of the jeep and runs back through traffic in the opposite direction.
Beth whips her head around. Tracks Rachel. The light turns green.
STREET
Rachel looks back. disappears around the corner.
133. EXT. ALLEY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel runs down an alley. Slows her pace. looks for a place to hide. Checks behind some trash cans. A cat screeches. Rachel screeches.
GARAGE
Finally, an open garage door. Rachel ducks in. Slithers between the cars. Squats in the corner. Catches her breath.
BACK TO:
134. (E-8) BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, eyes squeezed shut. Finally, she forcibly shakes it off. Sighs. Steps in to her Mom to get a good look at her. Delivers the news of her brother’s suicide. Then plays guitar tentatively. Quietly. Sings softly. Until ELEANOR comes in and tells Rachel to leave.
135.. (E-8) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
Rachel enters the lobby with her guitar, computer bag and two cups of coffee. Sees Eleanor, smiles and takes her a cup of coffee. Apologizes. *** and talks to Eleanor about performing music for the residents. Eleanor says she will talk to some of them on her behalf.
136 (E-8) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed. Hair brushed. New gown. Rachel carries on with Mom. It’s one-sided. Takes guitar out of its case. Plays softly. Improvises stories from the past into songs..
Then hears voices outside the door. Swings the door open. Think a wee beyond “Golden” Girls with varying temperaments. THREE OLDER WOMEN, women hunched in a circle doing a jig, all giggles, and smiles ear to ear. They freeze when they see Rachel.
137. (E-10) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME (***Maybe get rid of this scene all together. And have this be the entertainment in the common room scene. That way Mom leaves the room before we know the secret. Amp it up like Beth’s having a temper tantrum. until she’s wheeled away. And this is when Rachel overhears Eleanor and Beth)
137. (E-6) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor at the desk, this time by hand in a brand new journal. Stops. Gets a water from the fridge. Takes her weed out rolls a joint. Doesn’t light it. Back to writing.
138. (E-10) INT. BETH’S ROOM- LATER
Eleanor changes Beth’s gown. They talk quietly.
139.HALLWAY
Rachel with her gear about to enter Beth’s room, overhears Eleanor talking. Stops. Listens. Can’t make out what she’s saying. Then hears Beth speak.
140.(E-10) INT. RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shoves herself into a stall with all her stuff. Crouches on the toilet. Sobs. Unable to catch her breath.
141. (E-2)EXT BAR – LATER (Transition. shows Rachel making a new choice.)
142. INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits at the bar waiting. From the end of the bar.
BARTENDER
The usual hon?
Rachel leaves.
BARTENDER
Okay.
143.(E-2) EXT. BAR – CONTINUOUS (Transitional)
Rachel wanders away from the bar.
144. (E-7) EXT. PARK – CONTINUOUS (This scene needs to be put together to show Paul’s character being her rock and cheerleader.)
A beautiful park with a lake in the middle. Parents and kids play by the swings and slides. Swans drift on the lake. Rachel, tosses her jacket onto the grass. Rolls up her pants and wades into the water. She takes in the sun. It’s a beautiful Spring day.
********Insert: LAKE Scene??? yes HERE OR EARLIER SPOT? HERE…
Rachel calls Paul and vents to him about having heard her Mom speak. And hearing that she doesn’t want Rachel there.
CUT #125 MOTEL SCENE *******DON’T THINK I NEED THIS.
126. INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, RECEPTION — MORNING MAYBE MOVE THIS LATER. NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THIS GOES, IF AT ALL. THE THERAPY PORTION OF THIS SCENE HAS A PURPOSE – CREATE RUMOR ABOUT BETH ???? Show what Rachel’s up against. And to show Abuela being a bad minister.
Rachel stands at the desk waiting in line amongst a group of teenagers in line to get their allotted cigarettes. Once each teen receives a cigarette, he or she lights it from a gas lit device mounted on the wall.
Rachel next in line steps up. Gets her smoke and lights it from the wall.
147. (E-7) INT. BETH’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, sits quiet on the chair next to her Beth. Picks up guitar. Plays softly, hums. Beth, eyes closed, fidgets. Writhes in her bed as if in a nightmare. Rachel wipes tears away with her fingers and then brushes her fingers through her mom’s hair.
Beth winces.
148. (E-10) INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – NIGHT 1972
Beth, 26, lands in Puerto Rico. Get’s her bags from the overhead. Stands and waits in line to exit plane.
149. (E-10) EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY 1972
Beth shows up to take Willy, 6, “shopping” and promises ABUELA they will return in time for dinner.
150. (E-10) INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Abuela introduces Willy to his Mom.
BACK TO:
151. (E-10) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth jerks in her bed. More tears. Rachel soothes her.
152. (E-10) INT. FRANK AND ELEANOR’S LR – NIGHT 1972
Room lit by candlelight. Beth, hides Willy at Frank and Eleanor’s. Holds Willy in her arms, rocking him. He has pneumonia and coughs excessively. Beth puts Willy over a steaming pot. Places a towel over his head.
153. (E-10) INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Three officers stand in a circle in the middle of the room talking intermittently to each other and then into their walkie talkies. Rachel, curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch, chanting between sobs. Rocking back and forth. “I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry mom.” Beth in the corner on the phone. Gasps. Hangs up. Blood curdling screams. Violently goes after Rachel yelling and blaming her. Rachel whales, runs into her room, slams the door.
BACK TO:
154. (E-10) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed, writhes and twitches. Murmurs. The machines beep out of time. What’s happening? Eleanor and a DOCTOR, 40’s, rush into the room. Followed by staff with medical equipment. Eleanor makes Rachel leave and tells her to come back tomorrow. Rachel calls Eleanor out for being mysterious.
155. (E-10) INT. MOM’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel tells her Mom know she’s leaving and apologizes for the past.
Beth’s eyes swell with tears.
Rachel recalls a story from childhood when she had to go to Japanese school with 1st graders. Then sings the Mother song, Okaasan to her.
Rachel lies down next to her mom and wipes the tears from her face.
156. ( E-7) INT. BETH’S ROOM – LATER
Eleanor enters with an envelope. Sees Beth and Rachel sleeping on the bed. She quietly slips the envelope into Rachel’s bag. Then leaves.
157. (E9) EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK
Rachel’s truck pulls into the lot and swoops into a parking spot. Paul waves and heads over.
Rachel, in her truck, opens the envelope from her mom. ”Dear Rachel, I am so very proud of the person you’ve become. Love, Mom”.
Paul opens her door for her. Rachel steps out. She is all “I am woman hear me roar” and more”!
Rachel gives Paul a warm welcome.
ROLL CREDITS:
Paul takes her bag and guitar. Head toward the stage. Rachel takes Pauls hand.
158. (E-10) EXT. FESTIVAL STAGE – EVENING
HOST/MC, center stage at the mic. Gets the crowd going. The band is ready offstage left. A huge crowd awaits. Cheers from out front.
HOST/MC
And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for Band Name.
BAND NAME?
Crowd cheers swell.
Band members enter. Wave to their audience. Hit their marks. Rachel joins them center stage.
RACHEL
Hello everyone!
More cheers!
RACHEL
Sure is a beautiful day! Check out that sunset. Thank you everyone for joining us tonight. We are so happy to be here!
More excitement from the crowd.
Rachel big smile. Looks over to her band mates.
RACHEL
Ya’ll ready to rock? 1, 2, 3, 4!
LIVE MUSIC. (Rebels, Tom Petty).
FADE OUT:
-
Rebecca’s Scene Ratings – Day #7
What I learned doing this assignment is that I unexpectedly found quite a lot of the scenes entertaining. I tried being tougher on myself. It seems that the lower grade scenes were mostly small transitional scenes; part of the coming beat, etc. I think I may have given myself some unfair stinker numbers.
I had quite a lot of highly entertaining scenes compared to the less entertaining scenes, which is what pleasantly surprised me. That may change later; however, I tried to be hard on myself.
1. (E10) EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK
STAGE
The orange sky looms beyond the stage where BAND members take their places. The MC, at the mic center stage, enthusiastically introduces the band. Cheers from the eager crowd swell.
AUDIENCE
DRUMMER, stoic with focus of a cat, starts a slow sexy familiar beat. A rumble of recognition as the crowd closes in on the stage.
2. (E10) BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
PAUL, 50’s, lead guitarist, a tall drink of true blue, leggy with a subtle rock star swagger, appears from the stage and looks out… Just as a pick up truck, clearly used for farming, screeches into the lot and slams into a spot. Paul flies down the stairs with purpose.
It’s RACHEL, 50’s, a bat out of hell, jumps out of her truck, buttons up her shirt. And though she is dressed like a rock star with a 70’s vibe, she is disheveled with spills of white, red and black paint dried on her face and hands and in her unruly mane of hair. She flips her head over, combs it out with her fingers and tosses it back. Grabs her hairspray from the truck and sprays a quick circle around her head.
Paul swoops in, automatically unloads Rachel’s gig bag from the truck. Rachel grabs her guitar, runs alongside Paul toward the stage where the beat of the drums continue to seduce the restless patrons.
PAUL
You okay?
RACHEL
I will be.
PAUL
You have a shit ton of paint in your hair.
RACHEL
Yea. Sorry. My Uncle Ben shot himself in the head.
PAUL
Holy crap.
RACHEL
He’s dead.
PAUL
… I’m so sorry.
RACHEL
Oh well.
At the backstage stairs. Rachel gets her guitar from the bag while Paul grabs the rest of her gear.
RACHEL
Oh my God! I have to pee so bad!
They run up the stairs and onto the stage. Crowd goes nuts.
3. (E10) EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
MUSIC. The band rocks out their final encore! (Suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or original Soldier On).
AUDIENCE
A wavy sea of lighters sway back and forth and dance in the dark to the rhythm of the MUSIC. The tide rolls in and hugs the stage as the song erupts to its finish.
STAGE
Rachel, statuesque center stage, resembles a triumphant warrior in one of her own paintings. Her tambourine held high quivers to a climax. Rachel belts her last note. Band follows with an extended flourish. Budump!!
The crowd howls and chants for more. “One more! One more!”
RACHEL
Thank you everyone! You’re awesome. Thanks for having us here. It’s been a great pleasure playing for you tonight. See you next time. You rock!
On their way off, the Band bows and waves. More excitement from the crowd.
BACK STAGE
A blocked off parking lot. A latrine. Gear. Coolers filled with beer and water. CREW hustles to strike and reset for the next act. The band mates crack open beers. Load out their gear. Various, “Great show everyone.” “Awesome job.” “Let’s do it again.” “Next week!”
Rachel grabs two beers from the cooler. Pops one open. Guzzles. Packs up her guitar, gig bag. Paul zips up one of several guitar bags and head back to the stage. A hand on Rachel’s shoulder. She gasps. Takes his hand.
4. (E7) EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – LATER
YARD
Small party. Band mates, wives and a couple of friends sit around a fire pit spouting off. Getting loud at times. Laughing.
DRIVEWAY
Paul leans over the open window of Rachel’s truck talking to her. She starts the engine. Leans back to look at Paul.
PAUL
I’m glad you came.
etc….
Rachel laughs, puts the truck in reverse. Paul joins her in this laugh at his expense. Truck backs down and out of the driveway. Paul waves.
5. (E9) EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
Truck cruises along the dark road, and abyss.
MONTAGE
5a. EXT. CHICAGO, BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN – DAY 1972
RACHEL, 8, with WILLY, 6, her Spanish speaking spitting image. They laugh and jump. Taunt waves at one another.
THE GRASS
BETH, 26, poised on a blanket. Wears a straw wide brimmed hat to protect her fair skin. She reads an interesting book. Looks up. Smiles at the kids. Waves. Back to book.
5b. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
A busy down town city street. A black top school yard situated in front of a rectangular concrete institution of a school lined with doors whipping open and shut as kids emerge wearing sweaters and backpacks, looking for their parents.
CHAIN LINK FENCE
Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Then. A door flies open. There’s WILLY, 7, thumbs tucked under the straps of his backpack. He spots Rachel. A wide grin with gaping spaces where teeth should be. He runs to Rachel. Throws his arms around her. She swings him round and round. Til his feet fly in the air.
5c. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel and Willy size up the swings set. Willy gets into a seat. Rachel makes him fly high in the sky. Willy giggles with delight.
5d. EXT. HIGH RISE – CONTINUOUS
They walk toward a high rise apartment building. Disappear inside.
BACK TO:
6. (E7) EXT. FARM, DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck whips onto a long rocky driveway surrounded by farm land, various lit pastures. Mostly empty except for the random cow. Donkey. Horse.
Rachel, with an exaggerated twang, sings loud along with the old school country MUSIC on the radio.
A couple of horses knowingly stretch their necks over the fence.
RACHEL
Hello beauties!
MONTAGE
8. (E8) EXT. RANCH – DAY 1974
chicken coup catch a duck for dinner
9. (E5) EXT. ARENA – DAY 1974
Rachel, rides the Palomino western style, practices barrel racing techniques. HILLARY, late 20’s, tall statuesque beauty, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
10. (E7) INT. ARENA – DUSK 1974
Rachel rides a chestnut English style, alongside older more experienced teen agers. They practice jumps. Cue Rachel from the other side and pass a joint. Someone offers Rachel a joint. She takes it not sure what to do with it. One of the teens gives her a quick lesson. She chokes a little. They laugh, “she’s christened” and head out for a trail ride.
BACK TO:
11. (E5) EXT. FARM – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel’s truck approaches. Passes several barns and a large house. Parks in front of the small well lit barn. Just steps away from a much larger barn.
Rachel hops out. Unloads the truck.
12. (E9) INT. HORSE BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel now in a flannel button down and tall rubber boots, cares for and loves on the horse. Feeds and waters.
13. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel enters. Slips out of her boots. Hangs her jacket on the hook. Flips open the laptop on her desk. Pours herself a scotch. Sips. Looks at the pic board as she rolls a joint. Lights up. Long drag.
Looks through a box of photos. Finds some old pictures of the ranch with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. Studies a picture of Hillary and Cliff watching Rachel, 10, milk a cow. Laughs.
14. (E7) INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT 1974
Rachel shows Hillary and Cliff her drawings and aptitude for art like her mom and uncle.
15. (E8) INT. HIGH RISE APT, HALLWAY – DAY 1974
Hillary brings Rachel back home to her Mom who has just returned from a long trip. Rachel is uncomfortable with her Mom. Prefers Hillary. Mom judges Rachel.
BACK TO:
16. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Rachel finds a picture of Willy, at age 3.
17. (E8) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Rachel waits in a blizzard, outside the chain link fence, for Willy.
18. (E8) INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY 1972
Rachel meets her Dad who she at first thinks is an Uncle.
BACK TO:
19. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING (MOVED MESSAGE TO OPENING. ***Inciting Event NOW HAPPENED BEFORE BEG. WE KNOW.)
Phone rings. Blinding rays of light shift. Rachel, passed out on the couch. Aunt Nina calls (*** TO SEE IF RACHEL GOT HER MESSAGE ABOUT UNCLE… NEED TO CHANGE SOME DIALOGUE TO SUPPORT AT THE THE TOP OF CALL.)
20. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – DAY (MOVE THIS SCENE TO THE END OF NIGHT BEFORE SHE PASSES OUT.)
Rachel finds a picture of herself at 16, lounging on a blanket in the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben. Inspects the pic. Pins it to the board away from any clusters.
21. (E9) INT. DINING ROOM – DAY 1976
Family feud on Easter. Mom/Beth shows up way late after Easter dinner, proceeds to kill the vibe and then proceeds to criticize the way her family takes care of Rachel. Bad influence. Family gangs up on Beth for her negligence and lack of gratitude. *****Uncle Ben is introduced. ****Need to elevate this.
BACK TO:
22. (E8) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel, at the computer, finishes a scotch. Pours another. Paces. Picks up a picture of Beth.
RACHEL
So where you at these days? Hmmmm… Mummy Dearest?
23. (E8) INT. HIGH RISE APT – EVENING 1973
The living room cast in blue while the voice of Shirley Temple croons from a tiny black and white screen TV propped on a chest. Rachel plays with her barbies. Phone rings. Mom calls to check in and finds out that Willy didn’t make it home from school.
BACK TO:
24. (E9) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Dark MUSIC. Rachel, in time with the music, hurls furious gut wrenching strokes of black and blue paint onto a partially realized painting.
A loud knock at the door. Rachel jumps and screams.
AUNT NINA
Yoo-hoo!!!!
Aunt Nina stops by unexpectedly with the last address she has for Mom/Beth. She also brings some boxes that Mom left in her basement.
25. (E9) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel holds the piece of paper with the address on it in one hand. Hits a joint with her other. Threatens to light the piece of paper on fire. Instead, balls it up and tosses it into the trash.
Grabs her jacket with conviction. Steps into her boots. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Slams door on her way out.
26. (E9) INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, tipsy, feeds horses and tops off their water. Talks things through with the horses. Therapy.
27. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
Disarray. Rachel, still covered in paint. Already has a fresh cup of coffee. Sees the overstuffed trash can. Dumps it and finds the wad with the address on it. Irons it flat. Stares at it. Sips coffee.
Googles the address. Too far. On hold with town’s police station to have them go to her Mom’s house with a message to call her.
28. (E8) EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY 1973
Rachel’s Dad unexpectedly visits her at school. She feels special.
BACK TO:
29. (E7) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
On speaker phone with police station. Rachel has a message sent to her Mom’s house to call her.
30. (E9) LOFT
Rachel on the bed. Stares at the ceiling. Hits the joint.
31. (E9) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Blizzard. School yard covered in snow. Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Dad just around the corner puts Willy in the back seat of the rental car.
BACK TO:
32. (E9) LOFT
Rachel swipes tears from her cheeks and neck. Stubs out the joint. Goes to her closet. Pulls hangers. Violently throws clothes on the bed.
33. (E5) INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel dressed sexy. Finishes make up at the mirror. Lipstick. Fixes hair. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Grabs a different jacket. Checks the mirror, again. Leaves.
34. (E6) INT. PUB – NIGHT
Local pub with the usuals. MUSIC on the juke box.
Rachel, at the bar, drinks beer and shots with BUCK, 50, handsome, fit farmer. They’re drunk. Laughing. Bumping into each other.
35. (E9) INT. LOFT – LATER
Rachel and Buck have stupid drunk sex.
36. (E7) INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
LOFT
Rachel wakes Buck, tells him he’s gotta go.
SMALL BARN
Buck awkwardly climbs down the ladder from the loft. Rachel gives him a coffee to go and kicks him out. Dials a number and puts phone on speaker. Paces. Takes a picture of Beth from the board. Sneers hard at it.
37. (E7) INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room through a wall of windows. SOUND, static of walkies over slushy traffic from Lake Shore Drive.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Beth paces. Erratic. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping.
Phone rings.
BETH AND RACHEL (OS)
Hello.
BACK TO:
38. (E-3) INT. RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel on speaker phone, second call to police station. No news. Officer left a note for Mom.
***** maybe a beat showing stir crazy and resistance.
39. (E-3) INT. LOFT – DAY
Rachel, hair wet, dresses with purpose. Whips articles of clothing from drawers to duffel bag. Shoves it all in. Zips it up. Drops it over the ledge.
40. (E3) EXT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER ***** Purpose check****
Rachel tosses her duffel bag and guitar into her truck. Off to the barn. Slides the big door open. Whinnies of delight are heard from the stalls.
Rachel finishes up her work and leaves, many goodbyes and kisses later.
TRUCK
Rachel, behind the wheel, coasts up the road. Sees FARM OWNERS, 60’s, on their lawn. Waves. Rolls the window down. Thanks them.
42. EXT. MIDWESTERN HIGHWAY ROAD – DUSK ***PURPOSE??
PICK UP TRUCK
Rachel, at the wheel, sings along to MUSIC. The scalding sun hovers like a raging fire alongside the desolate thirsty highway. Rachel turns the music off. The sound of wind and tires turning on the pavement.
43. (E-8) EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Snow flurries create a blur. Rachel at the chain link fence. Willy’s eyes on her from a hole in the fogged up back seat window as it slowly fogs back up. Slush SPLASHES on the street. Rachel pulls her hood over her head. Leaves.
44. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Stillness. Swings covered in snow.
45. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel disappears into the high rise building.
BACK TO:
46. (E-6) EXT. ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel suddenly pulls off to the side of the road. Discouraged. Smokes some weed. Resets. Then. Screeches back onto the road. Takes a deep angry breath. Pounds on the steering wheel. Chants the fuck song.
A long wide country road. Pedal to the metal. Flips MUSIC on loud. Rachel thrashes in rhythm.
47. (E-5) EXT. BETH’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel arrives at the house. Turns MUSIC down. Meets Glen and Sheila who are renting her mom’s house. They invite her in. She declines.
48. (E-4) EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pumps gas. Sees the pub next-door.
49. (E-7) INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, at the bar. Parties with GUY. Waves off his advances. He’s belligerent.
50. (E-3) INT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel cruises along the deserted highway. Answers Paul’s call. She missed rehearsal.
51. (E-8) INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, distracted, looks for a lighter, crashes the car into a light post. Bumps her head. Freezes. Touches her head. Looks in the mirror. Looks around. It’s a ghost town.
52. (E-7) EXT. ROADSIDE – LATER
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,
53. (E-7) INT. TOW TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel tucked in the passenger seat with her bag and guitar piled on her lap. Tow Guy drives. Silence. Drops her off at Glen and Sheila’s house. Rachel flips him off.
54. EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits on the stoop. Checks the time. Wraps her jacket around her.
55. EXT. BEACH – DAWN 1977
Rachel takes in the sun as it rises over the lake.
56. (E-4) EXT. THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS
Rachel disappears into the hedges that line the corner mansion.
She finds a small concealed clearing on the grass. Curls up into a ball tries to cover herself with the jacket.
BACK TO:
_______________________________ACT 2___________________________________
57. (E-6) INT. HOUSE – NIGHT ***CONTINUE TO WORK ON PURPOSE OF THIS SCENE. Turning Point.
GUEST ROOM
Rachel in awe of Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas, having invited her in to spend the night in their guest room. They turndown the bed and get her towels; show her the hotel drawer with all the soaps and shampoos, etc. Once alone, Rachel opens the hotel drawer, takes out some cotton balls and antiseptic. Looks in the mirror. Cleans her wound. It stings.
58. (E-9) EXT. STREET – EVENING 1977
BROWN STONE
Rachel, 13, in a skimpy shirt, crosses the street and briskly heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings. Stops in front of a doorway.
She spits into tissue. Swipes makeup from her face. Pops a piece of gum in her mouth. Takes a button down shirt from her purse and puts it on.
59. (E-9) INT. BROWN STONE APT- CONTINUOUS
HALLWAY
Rachel skulks down the dimly lit hallway toward her bedroom door. Voices come from the dining room at the end of the hall. Just as Rachel ducks into her room, Beth, 31, enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono. Hair in place with chop sticks.
BETH
You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark.
59 a. DINING ROOM
At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese speaking stepfather, athletic build, watch with disapproval as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.
Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice and has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.
Masa pounds on the table.
Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Bullies her way in.
60. (E-9) INT. BROWN STONE APT – LATER 1977
HALLWAY
The bedroom door opens. Rachel peeks out of her room. Looks both ways. Duffel bag in tow, Rachel tippy toes to the kitchen. Carefully slips out the back door.
BACK TO:
61. (E-4) INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Lap top falls to the floor. Rachel starts awake. Gives in and smokes some weed, blows it out the window. Gets a bottle of water. Reads what she’s written.
62. (E-7) INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT 1977
CARLEE, 40, Stew’s mom, eccentric with wild hair, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. Smokes a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.
Wakes Stew and Rachel in the middle of the night and out of the blue sends Rachel home on her own.
63. (E-8) INT. ENTRANCE OF APARTMENT BLDG – LATER
Rachel gets entry to an apartment building and piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow, curls up, tries to get as comfortable and as concealed as possible. Swollen, heavy, bloodshot sockets.
63 a. DAWN
Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.
The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.
Rachel jolts awake.
The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.
Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.
64. (E-9) EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.
A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street. Rachel spins, uncertain where to go.
65. (E-6) EXT. BEACH – MOMENTS LATER 1977
A Mansion situated on a corner, faces the lake with a beach just beyond the street. Well quaffed hedges line the property.Rachel, 13, stands at the corner. Takes in the rising sun. Its reflection on the horizon of the lake.
BACK TO:
66. (E-6) INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Blinding rays light the room. Rachel, in bed awake. Covers her face. Sits up. Rests her forehead in her hands. Moans. Takes a moment to recall where she is. Woozy. Sucks the last drops of water from the bottle. Pulls the curtain to shade the room. Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. A small patch of dried blood on her forehead. Digs in her duffel. Then remembers the sock next to the bed. Takes a couple bumps from last nights packet. Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
67. (E-6) INT. SHOWER – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel showers. Water pours over her face.
68. (E-7) INT. STEW’S APARTMENT – MORNING 1977
KITCHEN
Kitchen door opens. Rachel, 13, peeks her head in. Listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops. Peers down the long hallway. All clear. Rachel glides down the hall and disappears into the bathroom. SOUND of the shower being turned on.
*******SMOOTH OUT FROM HERE DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH G AND S.
69. (E-8) INT. DINER – DAY 1977
Rachel at a booth by the window, dressed nice with make up, drinks coffee and smokes a cig. The want ads are open in front of her. Several job listings have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. Rachel stubs out her cigarette. Ashtray is full. **** Add back in convo with waitress about hiring.
70. (E-7) EXT. DINER – MOMENTS LATER
A black Mercedes rolls up and stops in front of the diner. NORM, mid 40’s, stocky, bald, gets out of the car. Waves.
Rachel meets Norm at the car. He puts her bags in the trunk. Drives off.
72. (E-8) INT. NORM’S CAR – MORNING
Silence… A different day. Tension. Norm jaw locked. Looks straight ahead. Rachel, in the passenger seat, holds her bags tightly on her lap. Looks out her window. Finally. Norm abruptly pulls over onto the side of the road. Let’s Rachel out to hitch a ride.
73. (E-8) EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Norm peels off. Makes a U turn. Rachel flips him off.
HIGHWAY RAMP
Rachel lights a smoke. Stick her thumb up whenever a car or truck passes. Eventually, a huge red Mac truck slows. Passes by Rachel. Pulls over and stops. Rachel runs to the truck. Climbs in.
EXT. (E-7) DINER – CONTINUOUS
Mac truck pulls up and stops in front of the diner. Rachel climbs down from the truck. Crosses the street and enters the diner. She can be seen inside the diner talking to the waitress. The waitress disappears into the back leaving Rachel sitting alone at the same booth. She looks out the same window, drinks coffee and smokes a cig.
71. (E-8) INT. NORM’S PHOTO STUDIO – NIGHT
The studio walls are tastefully covered with photographs of celebrities. Lights are seductively dimmed. A wall of rolled up back drops. A deep red velvet swatch of fabric sways to the floor. Lit by a single pin of light. Where Rachel sits frozen on a wooden stool. She wears make up and red lipstick. Hair tousled, tries to be sexy. Norm crouches. Looks through his camera lens. Rachel sees Jenny standing in the doorway. Jenny, messy braids, holds her doll. Tears spring from her eyes. Norm takes her back to bed, leaving Rachel alone.
74. (E-5) INT. JENNY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Every little girl’s fairy tale room. Jenny snuggled up on the bed of pink clouds, asleep in the crook of Rachel’s elbow. Finishes the last few lines. The End. Rachel tucks Jenny in. Looks at the whole of the room.
BACK TO:
75. (E-7) EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
The waitress returns with an apron and paperwork/schedule for Rachel. Rachel stubs out another cig. Finishes her coffee. Says goodbye and leaves the diner. Walks down the street toward the L station.
BACK TO:
76. (E-6) INT. GLEN AND SHEILA’S HOUSE – MORNING
KITCHEN
Rachel at the kitchen table has breakfast with Glen and Sheila. Glen gives Rachel an old PO Box address where they used to send their rents checks. They talk about having met Rachel’s mom and show her the handy work she’s done around the house.
78. (E-8) INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, sits on the bed with bags and guitar in hand, overwhelmed with feelings. Takes deep breaths.
79. (E-9) INT. SMALL HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room. A wall of windows. SOUND of wet traffic from the drive below.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping. Phone rings. Beth answers.
This time, Rachel remembers the entire phone call to the end..
BACK TO:
80. (E-8) INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel still on the bed. Hugs her things tightly. Tears roll relentlessly down her cheeks.
81. (E-2) EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY
Rachel exits the Tow truck office. Gets her duffel, guitar and care package from the bench. Sees Glen and Sheila still waiting. Smiles. Waves vigorously. Glen and Sheila ride off waving back.
82. (E-6) TRUCK
Rachel finds her truck. On the road again. Turns MUSIC on. Recognizes the song. Sings along.
_________________________Act 3___________________________________
83. (E-7) EXT. CITY INTERSECTION – DAY 1972
Same MUSIC continues. BETH’S CAR, at light, BUMPS to the beat.
Rachel, 8, dances in passenger seat with Beth,26, at the wheel, pumps the break. They laugh and rock in the car. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow. I can’t stop this feeling.” More laughter.
BACK TO:
TRUCK
Same SONG continues. Rachel laughs and sings along.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow” “I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me.”
84. (E-2)EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
85. (E-2) TRUCK
With bags, Rachel gets back into the truck. Still parked, eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water. Calls Paul to explain that she needs more time and will be back in a week.
*****WORK ON SCENE/CALL WITH PAUL PURPOSE.
86. (E-3) EXT. HIGHWAY – LATER
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck cruising along, suddenly swerves onto the side of the road.
She gets out. Lights the joint. Stretches her legs. Takes in the land. Sloppy yoga poses toward the sunset.
87. (E-8) INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – DAY 1977
Stew, 16, and Rachel, 13, curled up on his bed, naked. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!! They jump. Freeze. Lock eyes. Beth has shown up with Warren the probation officer looking for Rachel.
88. (E-8) INT. STELLA’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
She runs into Stella’s room and leaps into the walk in closet.
89. (E-8) INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Stew peeks out the door.
STEW
No. I have not.
90. (E-8) INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Beth and WARREN, probation officer, 30-40, large, not to be messed with, handsome black man, stand at the back door questioning Carlee. Beth is looking for Rachel who is hiding in the closet and overhears her mother say that she will choose her new husband over her if it comes down to it.
BACK TO:
91. (E4) EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps. He tells her to move along.
92. (E-5) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT
Rachel weighted down with stuff, drags her tired ass down the dim hallway with stained carpet tiles.
93. (E-5) EXT. APT. COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY 1977
Rachel returns to the apartment mgr to secure the apartment she wants to rent.
BACK TO:
94. (E-2) INT. BAR – NIGHT
Dive bar. It’s dead. BARTENDER, 60, does a crossword puzzle at the far end of the bar. Rachel alone looks at her phone. “How’s it going? Call me later.” Ignores texts from Paul. Takes her mood out on the pinball machine.
95. (E-4) INT. STEW’S CAR – DUSK 1977
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
GALLEY WAY
They turn into a galley way between two buildings. Rachel goes inside and throws her clothes out the 2nd story window. They shove it all in the car and take off.
As Stew turn back into the alley. A squad car saddles up. Lights flashing.
Rachel now wears a Cubs cap. Stew rolls his window down. Cop lets them go. Close call. Phew!
BACK TO:
95a. (E-3) INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
On pin ball machine stacking up a climax and then loses the game. SOUND of wu wu wu wu, you lose.
96. (E-6) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
*******Rachel sets up the room with towels on the bed……..
97. (E-4) INT. RACHEL’S APARTMENT – DAY 1977 ****WORK ON THIS LITTLE SECTION LEADING TO POST OFFICE.
Rays of sunshine beam across the freshly sanded floor illuminating the just painted living room. The apartment Mgr hands Rachel the keys. She smiles to herself. It’s a good day.
BACK TO:
PLACEHOLDER? WHAT ABOUT US MAIL JEEP SCENE? THIS!!!
98. (E-2) EXT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel smiles to herself as she approaches the Post Office. It’s a beautiful day.
99. (E-8) INT. POST OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel finds her Mom’s PO box that is still being used. She speaks with the Post Master who is able to give her some information about her Mom. Rachel leaves her phone number with the Post Master to give to the woman who picks up the mail.
Eleanor, the older woman who picks up Beth’s mail, enters the Post Office just as Rachel exits.
100. (E-8) EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel meanders about the town taking in its southern charm. Peeks into shop windows. Then disappears into a coffee shop.
101. (E-8) EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee. Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. It’s Eleanor. Rachel apologizes. They move on.
TRUCK
Rachel loads her goodies. SOUND of a train riding the tracks.
103. (E-10) EXT. L STOP – DAY 1977
SOUND of train riding the tracks continues. Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile. Buys a pack of smokes at the corner news stand. Crosses the street.
Suddenly two undercover police OFFICERS approach her. One at a time. They abduct Rachel.
104. (E-7) INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
OFFICE
Rachel defiantly waits at the police station to be picked up by her Mother, while Officer #1 uses amusing scared strait tactics to try and rattle her.
BACK TO:
105. (E-1) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL – CONTINUOUS
**** WORK ON THIS SCENE AND PURPOSE. Rachel dozes. Phone rings. It’s Paul. Calls to check in. Worried. She apologizes… Connect this scene to previous police station scene for deeper meaning. transition. crappy… alone… on her own…Does Rachel call him? Why this scene now? what do we need? next thing is that Rachel finds her mom got the call from home eleanor passed along her information but did not make the personal call. conflict of interest. need more on this relationship but when? They are both coming to an end of sorts…? explore
________________________________Act 4___________________________________
106. (E-5) EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel parked, takes out the pint. Grunts. Puts it back.
107. (E-2) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel looks around. Assesses the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone. Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers. Visiting hours are over. Rachel leaves.
108. (E-8) RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception. Rachel, nonchalant, glides down the hallway, guitar in tow. Ducks into the ladies room to avoid being seen.
HALLWAY
Rachel peeks out the door. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors. Finds her Mom’s room number. Deep breath. Disappears into the room.
109. (E-10) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel lets her breath out. Sees her mom. BETH, 70’s, petite blonde, slightly propped up in her bed, connected to various machines. SOUND of breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another. Paralyzed. Rachel gasps for breath. Hot tears spring from her bloodshot eyes. Finally, Rachel, sits in the chair furthest away from Beth.
110. (E-9) INT. OFFICE, POLICE STATION – DAY 1977
A large sparse office. Dingy tiles. Fluorescent lights. A big worn wooden desk.Rachel fidgets in a chair across from the desk. Her leg shakes impatiently. Officer #1 paces with authority. Drags on a cigarette. Exhales in Rachel’s direction. A couple cocky smoke rings. Other officer enters with Beth who has come to pick up Rachel.
111. (E-6) INT. HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Beth shops for paint. keeps a close eye on Rachel who stakes out an escape.
112. (E=10) EXT. SHERIDAN RD. – CONTINUOUS
An old US MAIL JEEP in a long single lane of traffic waits for the green light. Suddenly, Rachel springs out of the jeep and runs back through traffic in the opposite direction.
Beth whips her head around. Tracks Rachel. The light turns green.
STREET
Rachel looks back. disappears around the corner.
ALLEY
Rachel runs down an alley. Slows her pace. looks for a place to hide. Checks behind some trash cans. A cat screeches. Rachel screeches.
GARAGE
Finally, an open garage door. Rachel ducks in. Slithers between the cars. Squats in the corner. Catches her breath.
BACK TO:
117. (E-8) BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, eyes squeezed shut. Finally, she forcibly shakes it off. Sighs. Steps in to her Mom to get a good look at her. Delivers the news of her brother’s suicide. Then plays guitar tentatively. Quietly. Sings softly. Until ELEANOR comes in and tells Rachel to leave.
118. (E-5) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
Rachel enters the lobby with her guitar, computer bag and two cups of coffee. Sees Eleanor, smiles and takes her a cup of coffee. Apologizes.
118 a. (E-8) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed. Hair brushed. New gown. Rachel carries on with Mom. It’s one-sided Takes guitar out of its case. Plays softly. Improvises stories from the past into songs..
Then hears voices outside the door. Swings the door open to several older woman all giggles, and smiles ear to ear.
119. (E-6) INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor at the desk, this time by hand in a brand new journal. Stops. Gets a water from the fridge. Takes her weed out rolls a joint. Doesn’t light it. Back to writing.
120. (E-10) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
BETH’S ROOM
Eleanor changes Beth’s gown. They talk quietly.
HALLWAY
Rachel with her gear about to enter Beth’s room, overhears Eleanor talking. Stops. Listens. Can’t make out what she’s saying. Then hears Beth speak.
121. (E-10) INT. RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shoves herself into a stall with all her stuff. Crouches on the toilet. Sobs. Unable to catch her breath.
122. (E-2) INT. BAR – LATER
Rachel sits at the bar waiting. From the end of the bar.
BARTENDER
The usual hon?
Rachel leaves.
BARTENDER
Okay.
123.(E-2) EXT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel wanders away from the bar.
124. (E-2) EXT. PARK – CONTINUOUS
A beautiful park with a lake in the middle. Parents and kids play by the swings and slides. Swans drift on the lake. Rachel, tosses her jacket onto the grass. Rolls up her pants and wades into the water. She takes in the sun. It’s a beautiful Spring day.
********Insert: LAKE Scene???
Rachel calls Paul and vents to him about having heard her Mom speak. And hearing that she doesn’t want Rachel there.
CUT #125 MOTEL SCENE *******DON’T THINK I NEED THIS.
126. INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, RECEPTION — MORNING MAYBE MOVE THIS LATER. NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THIS GOES, IF AT ALL. THE THERAPY PORTION OF THIS SCENE HAS A PURPOSE – CREATE RUMOR ABOUT BETH ???? Show what Rachel’s up against.
Rachel stands at the desk waiting in line amongst a group of teenagers in line to get their allotted cigarettes. Once each teen receives a cigarette, he or she lights it from a gas lit device mounted on the wall.
Rachel next in line steps up. Gets her smoke and lights it from the wall.
127. (E-4) INT. BETH’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, sits quiet on the chair next to her Beth. Picks up guitar. Plays softly, hums. Beth, eyes closed, fidgets. Writhes in her bed as if in a nightmare. Rachel wipes them away with her fingers and then brushes her fingers through her mom’s hair.
Beth winces.
128. (E-10) INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – NIGHT 1972
Beth, 26, lands in Puerto Rico. Get’s her bags from the overhead. Stands and waits in line to exit plane.
129. (E-10) EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY 1972
Beth pulls up in rental car. Parks in front of an extremely modest house surrounded by plantain trees.
Beth shows up to take Willy, 6, “shopping” and promises ABUELA they will return in time for dinner.
130. (E-10) INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Abuela introduces Willy to his Mom.
BACK TO:
131. (E-10) INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth jerks in her bed. More tears. Rachel soothes her.
132. (E-10) INT. FRANK AND ELEANOR’S LR – NIGHT 1972
Dark lit by candlelight. Beth, hides Willy at Frank and Eleanor’s. Holds Willy in her arms, rocking him. He has pneumonia and coughs excessively. Beth puts Willy over a steaming pot. Places a towel over his head.
133. (E-10) INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
The apartment is lit by moonlight through a wall of windows. The SOUND of walkies static in and out. Three officers stand in a circle in the middle of the room talking intermittently to each other and then into their walkie talkies. Rachel, curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch, chanting between sobs. Rocking back and forth. “I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry mom.” Beth in the corner on the phone. Gasps. Hangs up. Blood curdling screams. Violently goes after Rachel yelling and blaming her. Rachel whales, runs into her room, slams the door.
BACK TO:
134. (E-10) INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed, writhes and twitches. Murmurs. The machines beep out of time. What’s happening? Eleanor and a DOCTOR, 40’s, rush into the room. Followed by staff with medical equipment. Eleanor makes Rachel leave and tells her to come back tomorrow. Rachel calls Eleanor out.
135. (E-10) INT. MOM’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel hovers over Beth who appears to be sleeping. This is Rachel’s last day to visit.
RACHEL
Okay mom… You don’t have to worry. I’m leaving today. I’ll call Eleanor for reports to see how you’re doing. I’m glad you have her. I knew. who she was. I remember you telling me when I was little that “Frank and Eleanor” hid you and Willie. And they took care of you when he was sick… I’m sorry we didn’t get to have him. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I really just thought… my Dad came to see… me.
Beth’s eyes swell with tears.
RACHEL
Remember when you and Masa made me go to Japanese school? Every Saturday. you put me in the class with the 1st graders and I was like 11 or 12… With all the little tiny Japanese American kids. They like came up to my hip. I was giant next to them and at the end of the year we had to stand in a semi circle on the stage and sing that that mom song. Okaasan. I felt so stupid. A big ugly oaf drowning at sea amongst these perfect little porcelain cherubs bobbing up and down, with delight permanently stamped on their little faces. A bowl of shiny candy. With sweet sugary voices… and me.
Beth is still. She’s calm. Her face relaxed. Tears roll tenderly from her closed eyes. The machines sound steady.
Rachel lovingly wipes the tears from her mom’s face. Then softly.
RACHEL
Okaasan, okaasan / watashi no okaasan / yasashi ude de /
Rachel carefully lies next to Beth. Takes her hand and wraps her arm around her waist. Strokes her Mom’s hair.
dakishimete / hitori botchi de / nemureru yoru mo / kokoro wa furusato / watashi no okaasan / furusato / watashi no okaasan
Beth takes Rachels hand in hers. Squeezes it with acknowledgement. Silence.
136. ( E-) INT. BETH’S ROOM – LATER
Eleanor enters with an envelope. Sees Beth and Rachel. She quietly slips the envelope into Rachel’s bag. Then leaves.
137. (E7) EXT. FESTIVAL, PARKING LOT – DUSK
TRUCK
Rachel swoops into a parking spot. Paul waves and heads over.
Rachel closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. Sees the already opened envelope nestled in her bag. She takes it and opens it. Unfolds the letter. “Dear Rachel, I am so very proud of the person you’ve become. Love, Mom”. Refolds the note and puts it back as it was in the envelope.
PAUL
There she is.
Paul opens her door for her. Rachel steps out. She is all “I am woman hear me roar” and more”!
Paul
You look fucking hot.
Rachel throws her arms around Paul.
RACHEL
Hi.
PAUL
Hi.
Warm embrace. A moment.
ROLL CREDITS:
Paul takes her bag and guitar. Head toward the stage. Rachel takes Pauls hand.
138. (E-7) EXT. FESTIVAL STAGE – EVENING
HOST/MC, center stage at the mic. Gets the crowd going. The band is ready offstage left. A huge crowd awaits. Cheers from out front.
HOST/MC
And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for Band Name.
BAND NAME?
Crowd cheers swell.
Band members enter. Wave to their audience. Hit their marks. Rachel joins them center stage.
RACHEL
Hello everyone!
More cheers!
RACHEL
Sure is a beautiful day! Check out that sunset. Thank you everyone for joining us tonight. We are so happy to be here!
More excitement from the crowd.
Rachel big smile. Looks over to her band mates.
RACHEL
Ya’ll ready to rock? 1, 2, 3, 4!
LIVE MUSIC. (Rebels, Tom Petty).
FADE OUT:
-
Rebecca’s character intros, Day #6
What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s always another probably better choice. I got a lot out of this assignment, as it helped me find a much richer opening that throws us right into the story with sympathy/empathy. It also solved problems with and gave purpose to Paul’s role. And gave permission for a completely different and better conversation to happen between them that serves the story and theme way better.
1st Intro beats
Character: Rachel/Protagonist
Act 1
EXT. FESTIVAL – EVENING
STAGE
Live MUSIC. CROWD hugs the stage, dancing and singing along, cheering.
RACHEL, 50’s, Puerto Rican American, long hair, dressed hip with a 70’s flair, poised center stage. Accompanied by her BAND, they rock out the last notes of their final encore! (suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or Soldier On, MF).
Crowd cheers swell.
BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
Paul convinces Rachel to come to the after party instead of going home to work on her memoir.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Rachel changes her mind about the party. Drives home.
***NEW OPENING: Moved inciting event to just before the opening; helped create a reputation for Rachel, as well as tension, sympathy and anticipation. Also let us see more of who Rachel and Paul, love interest, is, by his reaction to Rachel, right off the bat. So I inadvertently created a much better intro for Paul’s character. I had thought my opening was pretty cool, but it didn’t say much about the characters or situation. The new opening gives more insight into the characters and raises the stakes and curiosity right away. And I don’t really need to change much structure at all with this new adjustment.
2nd Inro beats
Rachel/Protagonist
Act 1
EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK
STAGE
The orange sky looms beyond the stage where BAND members take their places. The MC, at the mic center stage, enthusiastically introduces the band. Cheers from the eager crowd swell.
AUDIENCE
DRUMMER, stoic with focus of a cat, starts a slow sexy familiar beat. A rumble of recognition as the crowd closes in on the stage.
2. BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
PAUL, 50’s, lead guitarist, a tall drink of true blue, leggy with a subtle rock star swagger, appears from the stage and looks out… Just as a pick up truck, clearly used for farming, screeches into the lot and slams into a spot. Paul flies down the stairs with purpose.
It’s RACHEL, 50’s, a bat out of hell, jumps out of her truck, buttons up her shirt. And though she is dressed like a rock star with a 70’s vibe, she is disheveled with spills of white, red and black paint dried on her face and hands and in her unruly mane of hair. She flips her head over, combs it out with her fingers and tosses it back. Grabs her hairspray from the truck and sprays a quick circle around her head.
Paul swoops in, automatically unloads Rachel’s gig bag from the truck. Rachel grabs her guitar, runs alongside Paul toward the stage where the beat of the drums continue to seduce the restless patrons.
PAUL
You okay?
RACHEL
I will be.
PAUL
You have a shit ton of paint in your hair.
RACHEL
Yea. Sorry. My Uncle Ben shot himself in the head.
PAUL
Holy crap.
RACHEL
He’s dead.
PAUL
… I’m so sorry.
RACHEL
Oh well.
At the backstage stairs. Rachel gets her guitar from the bag while Paul grabs the rest of her gear.
RACHEL
Oh my God! I have to pee so bad!
They run up the stairs and onto the stage. Crowd goes nuts.
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
MUSIC. The band rocks out their final encore! (Suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or original Soldier On).
AUDIENCE
A wavy sea of lighters sway back and forth and dance in the dark to the rhythm of the MUSIC. The tide rolls in and hugs the stage as the song erupts to its finish.
STAGE
Rachel, statuesque center stage, resembles a triumphant warrior in one of her own paintings. Her tambourine held high quivers to a climax. Rachel belts her last note. Band follows with an extended flourish. Budump!!
The crowd howls and chants for more. “One more! One more!”
RACHEL
Thank you everyone! You’re awesome. Thanks for having us here. It’s been a great pleasure playing for you tonight. See you next time. You rock!
On their way off, the Band bows and waves. More excitement from the crowd.
BACK STAGE
A blocked off parking lot. A latrine. Gear. Coolers filled with beer and water. CREW hustles to strike and reset for the next act. The band mates crack open beers. Load out their gear. Various, “Great show everyone.” “Awesome job.” “Let’s do it again.” “Next week!”
Rachel grabs two beers from the cooler. Pops one open. Guzzles. Packs up her guitar, gig bag. Paul zips up one of several guitar bags and head back to the stage. A hand on Rachel’s shoulder. She gasps. Takes his hand.
EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – LATER
YARD
Small party. Band mates, wives and a couple of friends sit around a fire pit spouting off. Getting loud at times. Laughing.
DRIVEWAY
Paul leans over the open window of Rachel’s truck talking to her. She starts the engine. Leans back to look at Paul.
PAUL
I’m glad you came.
etc….
Rachel laughs, puts the truck in reverse. Paul joins her in this laugh at his expense. Truck backs down and out of the driveway. Paul waves.
_____________________________________________________
1st Intro beats
Character: Beth/Mom/Antagonist
I’m still brainstorming options for this intro. I really kind of like it as it is; however, I’m sure I can find ways to elevate elements. Beth/Mom’s character trickles out for the sake of suspense. Before this intro, there is a snapshot of young MOM smiling with young Rachel and Willy. This next intro is Mom and her brother, (R’s Uncle Ben, who we know has just committed suicide) being referred to, BUILDING REPUTATION – we find out that R has inherited both of their artistic talent. Then the following scene introduces young Mom with more unlikeable traits and reveals her relationship or lack there of with Rachel, BUILDING MORE REPUTATION.
HILLARY
You know your Mom and your Uncle Ben are both really good artists too. Have you seen your Uncle’s drawings?
RACHEL
Yea. He’s really good. There’s one he promised to give me when I get older.
RACHEL
The one with the soldiers… from when he was in the service… with my Dad. It’s like… a colored pencil drawing.
HILLARY
I’ve seen that one. It’s really good.
RACHEL
Yea. I love it. I think the soldiers in it are supposed to be him and my Dad.
HILLARY
I think you’re right. They were best friends when they were in the service.
RACHEL
Yea.
Hillary
Well you keep it up. You’re a very talented and smart young lady.
Rachel blushes.
HILLARY
Maybe you can draw something for your Mom.
Rachel looks down. Shrugs.
RACHEL
I guess.
INT. HIGH RISE APT, HALLWAY – DAY 1974
A long hallway with two elevators. Rachel and Hillary carrying a suitcase and bags head toward the end of the hall. Rachel get her keys out. Opens the door to her apartment.
An elevator door opens from down the hall. BETH, Rachel’s Mom, 28, petite, blonde appears. She is propped up in a desk chair on wheels, with her leg in a giant cast stretched out in front of her. EARL, a uniformed door man, 50’s, and lanky, rolls Beth down the hallway.
HILLARY
Good Lord Beth! You didn’t mention the broken leg. What the heck?
INT. HIGH RISE APT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Beth, waves and quickly runs into the apartment.
BETH
Hi Honey!
Rachel runs crying into her room and shuts the door. Earl rolls Beth in.
BETH
Aren’t you gonna say hi to your ole’ mom?
HILLARY
I think the cast is a little scary. You could’ve given her a heads up. Jeez Beth.
BETH
That’s nonsense! She’s always so emotional.
HILLARY
Beth, she’s a kid. She hasn’t seen you in a couple months.
BETH
She’s fine.
RACHEL
She’s ten.
Earl helps Mom off the chair and onto the couch. Leaves her things on the table.
BETH
Thank you Earl.
EARL
You’re welcome, Miss Beth. You ladies take care now. We’ll have the rest of your luggage sent up in a bit.
BETH
Couldn’t have made it up with out you.
HILLARY
Bye Earl. Take care.
EARL
You too Dear.
Earl waves and is gone.
BETH
Oh, hand me my bag would ya? I’ll show you the self portraits I drew. That was my therapy in the hospital.
Beth pulls out a sketch pad.
BETH
Rachel, come on out here honey. I want to show you something.
Beth shows Hillary her drawings. They’re dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with ink markers, mostly black. Rachel enters hesitantly. Stands close to Hillary.
BETH
Don’t I get a hug?
Rachel, sheepishly goes to hug Mom and sits down next to her. She is sad.
BETH
Smile honey. You look miserable.
Rachel looks at Hillary. Tries to smile.
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Rebecca’s Character Story Profiles, Day 5
What I learned from doing this assignment is that working on one character’s story can give so much insight to another character’s purpose. This time through helped me iron out a couple structural issues, as well. I got rid of a couple small perfunctory scenes, making the one more powerful and useful. And also created urgency to continue through the climax. Lots of stuff percolating now.
1. Character Profile
1) Character Name: Rachel
Role: Artist, Musician, Daughter, Protagonist, Optimist
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Curious
– Sarcastic
– Resourceful
– Determined
Flaw: OCD Perfectionist. Self Loathing for not being perfect.
Character Arc: from anger to forgiving.
World View: Life is what you make of it.
Life Metaphor/Identity: compassion and justice
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Rachel doesn’t want to admit that she still needs approval from her mom.
What makes this character unique?
Rachel is unique as a result of her story that causes her to be her own hero/warrior, survivor resilient resourceful self sufficient from a very young age.
Character Subtext Logline: Rachel, determined to have the life of her dreams, has a score to settle and sets out to find her long-time estranged Mother before it’s too late.
Her mission: To find and confront Beth, her Mom.
Want: To be heard. To be important. TO HAVE A VOICE.
Need: Acceptance. Love. needed.
*** Instead of going with resourceful, I’m taking triumphant and elevating it in more celebration of Rachel’s courage and overcoming shitty circumstances no matter what. I will change more traits that reflect more of who Rachel is. As in takes action. etc I don’t want her ever to play into victim. She more feels proud of what she’s accomplished in spite of….
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Rachel finds out her Uncle Ben has killed himself. Middle: Rachel with minimal information sets out on a road trip to find her long-time estranged Mom.
End: Rachel, finally finds her Mom/Beth in a Convalescent home and does her best to make a connection and seek peace of mind, in spite of a twisted discovery.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
After performing, Rachel turns down spending time with love interest to work on her memoir. ELEVATED THIS OPENING WITH PAUL.
Rachel recalls traumatic past in little pieces as she writes her memoir.
Aunt Nina calls Rachel and tells her that her Uncle Ben killed himself.
Rachel recalls more childhood events. And sets out to find her long-time estranged mother.
Shows up at Mom’ house, but it’s being rented by nice couple.
R leaves to go back home. But winds up drinking and crashing her car.
Tow Guy leaves Rachel back at the house being rented by nice couple.
R spends the night at nice couples, Glen and Sheila’s, house.
Has breakfast with nice couple. They have a clue to find R’s Mom.
They take R to get her car from the shop(MUST LOOK AT THIS)
Rachel takes a road trip to a post office in a small rural touristy town.
leaves her number with the PO lady who will give it to the woman who collects Beth’s mail.
Rachel sneaks in after visiting hours to see her mom, who appears to be unconscious, in the Convalescent home. Eleanor walks in and sends her away.
Rachel returns the next day, entertains mom and the ladies.
Then overhears Eleanor talking to Mom who is not unconscious after all. She does not want to see Rachel.
Rachel talks to Paul who cheers her on to get what she needs out of this visit. Confront her.
Rachel back at Beth’s room, quietly talks to Mom plays along but knows she is being heard. Which is what R has wanted more than anything else!!!
Beth recalls the kidnapping events. Climax.
Back to the room, Beth writhes, machines beep, Rachel jumps awake screams. Doctor, Eleanor and staff run in with medical equipment. Make R leave.
Rachel visits Mom for the last time. Closure. Not sweet, but…
Rachel glowing with a new zest for life, arrives in time for her gig where Paul awaits. Ready for your love.
Rachel joins the band onstage and they kick off the gig.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
***In trying to elevate the 2nd phone call to Paul, I found great ways to elevate their budding relationship which in turn had a dominos effect on all their scenes together. Also helping to show Paul’s purpose for being there with Rachel. Paul now cheers Rachel on and reminds her of her triumphs and how she is worthy of getting what she wants and to not be afraid of taking advantage of this situation where she can have the power. His character is stable and he helps her find a pair.
Also got rid of a transitional scene which condensed 2 days into one, which created way more urgency after Rachel finds out her mom isn’t unconscious, and Paul gets her up on her horse for the confrontation.5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story. For Rachel, it shows us how her old ways don’t work for her anymore. And in the end Rachel walks away satisfied in spite of Beth’s inability to commit all the way. She knew that going in and had no expectations. It also shows more transformation and R’s strengths. Also to celebrate her success. And reveal that Paul and Rachel are good for each other.
______________________________________________________________
2) Character Name: Mom/Beth
Role: Nomad, Mom, Antagonist
Core Character Traits:
– Uptight Narcissistic
– Self sufficient
– Proper
– Insecure
– Jealous
– Handy
– Proud/Idealistic?
Flaw: Judgemental, Pompous, self conscious
Want: Order in her court. To have things as they should be. Pleasant.
Need: To be right. To be the center.
Mission/Agenda:.
Character Arc (if any);
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity Do as I say not as I do.
Secret: Her deep feelings.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: That she’s wrong.
What makes this character unique? She stands out in a doesn’t play well with others way.
Character Subtext Logline: Beth is a the long-time estranged mother who pretends to be unconscious while her curious daughter makes a surprise visit, that is no surprise after all.
***Instead of adding a bunch more traits, I finally realized it could raise the stakes and empathy for Beth to elevate her Narcissism, ie. Pompous. Superiority complex, Jealousy. Does not play well with others. So when it gets really ugly with the scene that I am putting back in, we can still care for Beth in spite of her despicable behavior. At least understand.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Beth as a young single mom is absent and wounded by the loss of her son.
Middle: Beth as a young mom newly married to a Japanese man who doesn’t speak english, encourages her new husband to wack Rachel for not adhering to Japanese tradition.
End: Beth, 75, endures painful visits from her long-time estranged daughter, until she finally leaves after making her vulnerable.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
Beth as a young single mom returns after a long sabbatical away from Rachel.
Beth as a young single mom ruins Easter and criticizes everyone.
Beth young and married to Japanese Kendo Sensei encourages her new husband to give Rachel a wack for not behaving like a good Japanese child should.
Beth, 75, in Convalescent Home pretends to be unconscious when Rachel visits her.
Beth, as a young Mom picks up Rachel from the Police station.
Beth, young, shows up at Stew’s with probation officer Looking for Rachel. Tells Carlee, Stew’s mom that if she has to choose between the two, she will choose her new husband over Rachel. She’s done.
Beth, 75, recalls getting her son, hiding him at Frank and Eleanor’s, the night he didn’t come home, etc.
Beth allows Rachel to lie quietly next to her before she leaves to go back home.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I had taken a scene out that I will put back in. It’s Rachel entertaining/playing music for the folks in the common room at the home. Eleanor has wheeled Beth out of her room to partake. But within minutes becomes agitated and fussy and makes E take her back to her room.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
**** I’m elevating the level of narcissism/jealousy Beth has toward Rachel. In spite of having written a final note “I’m proud of the person you’ve become” and having Eleanor sneak it in her bag. Or even possibly Eleanor wrote the note… But I want to show Beth’s lack of tolerance for her daughter even now. She can’t even sit through a couple songs. So sad. Just recalled that I am to write this from the character’s POV; when I wrote Beth allows Rachel to lie down next to her… That was a big character story revelation right there.
_________________________________________________________________
3) Character Name: Paul
Role: Musician, Guitarist, Love interest, Band Mate
Core Character Traits
– True blue
– Service oriented
– focused
– Sarcastic
– Every man’s guy, traditional and old school (still quotes Archie Bunker), so not alway politically correct.
Flaw: People pleaser, too nice ???? think about this more
Want: to be loved
Need: to be needed
Mission/Agenda: To be in relationship with Rachel.
Character Arc (if any)
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do the right thing.
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: pushover
What makes this character unique? not many left
Character Subtext Logline: Paul is evolved, open and to the point. What you see is what you get. His loyalty runs deep. And he has let Rachel know what he wants.
His mission: To get the best out of life and that includes Rachel Want: Love, to be acknowledged. Respect.
Need: to Provide. Love.
***I will elevate Paul being old school (politically incorrect with a heart of gold) for humor and the kind of charm that makes you cringe a little but he’s still so lovable. NEED TO THINK MORE ON THIS
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Paul jams, plays guitar in Rachel’s band and ask Rachel to hang with him after the show.
Middle: Paul is there for her when Rachel calls. He is supportive and cheers her on when the going gets really tough. He helps her make a big decision to stand up to her Mom, in spite of the weirdness of the situation.
End: Paul greets Rachel with open arms when she returns for their gig.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
***That’s pretty much it above; however,
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
***I did elevate the opening scene with Rachel. As well as the second phone call.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
*** Finding the purpose helped find the dynamic between Rachel and Paul. Also, helped to elevate Paul’s sense of purpose. Shows him being Rachel’s rock and cheering her on encouraging her to stand up for herself.
_____________________________________________________________
4) Character Name: Aunt Nina
Role: Aunt, Mother, Sister in-law, Family Center
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Thrifty/Hoarder
– Fun, jovial
– Loud, life of the party
– potty mouth
Flaw: shallow???? think on this
Want/Need: to have fun and live a good life. that’s it.
Mission/Agenda: enjoy what ya got a lot, and cross off the stuff on the list.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I don’t care.
Life Metaphor/Identity: I love my life.
Secret
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Lonely
What makes this character unique? Her quirky, loud friendly unconscious self.
Character Subtext Logline: Aunt Nina is an “alright… well that’s that…” kind of gal, with a mischievous tone, and an ear splitting, joyous cackle. always willing to go “reluctantly” along with the gag.
****Aunt Nina is pretty colorful already. I have elevated her uniqueness but need to think on some other possibilities.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Nina calls to tell Rachel her Uncle Ben has killed himself.
Middle: Nina young has Easter dinner. The family keeper.
End: Nina shows up at Rachels with an address for her Mom and stuff.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
****Basically just what’s above. I may see if she comes back in some way to give her closure and let her know Rachel found her Mom.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I’m pretty happy with Nina but may add in a small closure scene to bring her back and let her know R found mom. She’s gone after Act 1…
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
****Her reaction may give more to her story but may not be necessary. Will see.
________________________________________________________________
5) Character Name: Eleanor
Role: Caretaker, Mom’s friend from the past, mystery woman, possibly Beth’s lover??
Core Character Traits
– Caretaker
– Loyal
– Serious
– In charge
– tougher than she looks
– protective/jealous
Flaw
Want: Beth’s companionship
Need: Beth’s companionship
Mission/Agenda: Protect and care for Beth.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I am here to care for others.
Life Metaphor/Identity: You are what you give
Secret: In love with Beth.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Needy
What makes this character unique? THINK ON THIS
Character Subtext Logline: Eleanor is a life-long loyal pet and caretaker; she is secretly in love with Beth.
**** Have elevated the trait, Jealousy, with Eleanor secretly in love with Beth to raise the stakes. Also to make sense of her rigidness and slow to be kind to Rachel. Adds some resentment, even though she had the responsibility of letting her know where her mom is.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Eleanor intercepts Rachel’s phone number at the PO picking up Beth’s mail. Bumps into R.
Middle: Eleanor monitors Rachel’s visits and cares for Beth in the Home.
End: Eleanor tries to help Rachel by bringing mom out in the common room.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
Eleanor intercepts Rachel’s phone number at the PO. Bumps into Rachel without knowing one another.
Eleanor sends Rachel away when she finds her in her Mom’s room after visiting hours.
Young Eleanor with her husband Frank, hides and cares for young Beth and Willy.
Eleanor sends Rachel away when Beth becomes agitated during a visit.
Eleanor brings Beth out into the common room to watch Rachel entertain.
Eleanor puts an envelope from Beth in Rachels bag on the last days visit.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I am considering giving Eleanor a bit more reaction the second time she kicks Rachel out. More of a fight from her to show her investment to Beth. And that she loves her romantically. Probably what Beth would not want Rachel to know. As if it were a weakness.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story. Makes us care for Eleanor more. And solidifies the caretaking connection along with seeing her with Beth in the 70’s.
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Rebecca’s Character Profiles, Day 4
What I learned from doing this assignment is to not give up. I really struggled to feel like I was bringing anything new to the table for both this assignment and the beats sheet. At first, I had nothing new but knew that I needed a lot of elevating. Slept on it an hoped for insight. And I actually feel like I had some breakthroughs with one pretty good trait to elevate for each of the 5 characters. I also am still pretty happy with the one beat I was able to elevate in last assignment, it being the opening with a lot more going on off the bat. And I know that these will both be ongoing throughout . Was able to see that and felt better about not having all the answers right now. More discoveries to come. Onward!!! I’m playing with loglines and am liking the subtext logline more and more. I’m going to keep it here for now. It feels more honest.
Logline: Rachel, is a successful artist and musician with one last score to settle. Will she find her long-time estranged Mother before it’s too late?
1) Character Name: Rachel
Role: Artist, Musician, Daughter, Protagonist, Optimist
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Curious
– Sarcastic
– Resourceful
– Determined
Flaw: OCD Perfectionist. Self Loathing for not being perfect.
Character Arc: from anger to forgiving.
World View: Life is what you make of it.
Life Metaphor/Identity: compassion and justice
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Rachel doesn’t want to admit that she still needs approval from her mom.
What makes this character unique?
Rachel is unique as a result of her story that causes her to be her own hero/warrior, survivor resilient resourceful self sufficient from a very young age.
Character Subtext Logline: Rachel, determined to have the life of her dreams, has a score to settle and sets out to find her long-time estranged Mother before it’s too late.
Her mission: To find and confront Beth, her Mom.
Want: To be acknowledged. important. TO HAVE A VOICE.
Need: Acceptance. Love. needed.
*** Instead of going with resourceful, I’m taking triumphant and elevating it in more celebration of Rachel’s courage and overcoming shitty circumstances no matter what. I will change more traits that reflect more of who Rachel is. As in takes action. etc I don’t want her ever to play into victim. She more feels proud of what she’s accomplished in spite of….
2) Character Name: Mom/Beth
Role: Nomad, Mom, Antagonist
Core Character Traits:
– Uptight Narcissistic
– Self sufficient
– Proper
– Insecure
– Jealous
– Handy
– Proud/Idealistic?
Flaw: Judgemental, Pompous, self conscious
Want: Order in her court. To have things as they should be. Pleasant.
Need: To be right. To be the center.
Mission/Agenda:.
Character Arc (if any);
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity Do as I say not as I do.
Secret: Her deep feelings.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: That she’s wrong.
What makes this character unique? She stands out in a doesn’t play well with others way.
Character Subtext Logline: Beth is a the long-time estranged mother who pretends to be unconscious while her curious daughter makes a surprise visit, that is no surprise after all.
***Instead of adding a bunch more traits, I finally realized it could raise the stakes and empathy for Beth to elevate her Narcissism, ie. Pompous. Superiority complex, Jealousy. Does not play well with others. So when it gets really ugly with the scene that I am putting back in, we can still care for Beth in spite of her despicable behavior. At least understand.
3) Character Name: Paul
Role: Musician, Guitarist, Love interest, Band Mate
Core Character Traits
– True blue
– Service oriented
– focused
– Sarcastic
– Every man’s guy, traditional and old school (still quotes Archie Bunker), so not alway politically correct.
Flaw: People pleaser, too nice ???? think about this more
Want: to be loved
Need: to be needed
Mission/Agenda: To be in relationship with Rachel.
Character Arc (if any)
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do the right thing.
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: pushover
What makes this character unique? not many left
Character Subtext Logline: Paul is evolved, open and to the point. What you see is what you get. His loyalty runs deep. And he has let Rachel know what he wants.
His mission: To get the best out of life and that includes Rachel Want: Love, to be acknowledged. Respect.
Need: to Provide. Love.
***I will elevate Paul being old school (politically incorrect with a heart of gold) for humor and the kind of charm that makes you cringe a little but he’s still so lovable. NEED TO THINK MORE ON THIS
4) Character Name: Aunt Nina
Role: Aunt, Mother, Sister in-law, Family Center
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Thrifty/Hoarder
– Fun, jovial
– Loud, life of the party
– potty mouth
Flaw: shallow???? think on this
Want/Need: to have fun and live a good life. that’s it.
Mission/Agenda: enjoy what ya got a lot, and cross off the stuff on the list.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I don’t care.
Life Metaphor/Identity: I love my life.
Secret
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Lonely
What makes this character unique? Her quirky, loud friendly unconscious self.
Character Subtext Logline: Aunt Nina is an “alright… well that’s that…” kind of gal, with a mischievous tone, and an ear splitting, joyous cackle. always willing to go “reluctantly” along with the gag.
****Aunt Nina is pretty colorful already. I have elevated her uniqueness but need to think on some other possibilities.
5) Character Name: Eleanor
Role: Caretaker, Mom’s friend from the past, mystery woman, possibly Beth’s lover??
Core Character Traits
– Caretaker
– Loyal
– Serious
– In charge
– tougher than she looks
– protective/jealous
Flaw
Want: Beth’s companionship
Need: Beth’s companionship
Mission/Agenda: Protect and care for Beth.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I am here to care for others.
Life Metaphor/Identity: You are what you give
Secret: In love with Beth.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Needy
What makes this character unique? THINK ON THIS
Character Subtext Logline: Eleanor is a life-long loyal pet and caretaker; she is secretly in love with Beth.
**** Have elevated the trait, Jealousy, with Eleanor secretly in love with Beth to raise the stakes. Also to make sense of her rigidness and slow to be kind to Rachel. Adds some resentment, even though she had the responsibility of letting her know where her mom is.
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Rebecca’s Beat Sheet
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could probably work on the structure forever. I had obsessed quite a bit with the structure before getting here, simply because it became so complicated. I resisted doing this assignment cause it seemed arduous and it kind of is. But going through the beats and distilling them down more and more with each pass really helps me to assess the flow. I lost track of improvements; however, I got rid of several little unnecessary transitional scenes. And have notated areas where I can continue to elevate. Stayed away from dialogue but noted where I need to rewrite some scenes for deeper meaning. This section is not complete. But I have a good list to work from and a roadmap.
Title: Unrequited
Genre: Drama
Logline: A middle aged artist/musician with a marred past, struggles to write her memoir when she is suddenly summoned to find and deliver bad news to her long time estranged mother.
_______________________Act 1_______________________
1. EXT. FESTIVAL – EVENING
STAGE
Live MUSIC. CROWD hugs the stage, dancing and singing along, cheering.
RACHEL, 50’s, Puerto Rican American, long hair, dressed hip with a 70’s flair, poised center stage. Accompanied by her BAND, they rock out the last notes of their final encore! (suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or Soldier On, MF).
Crowd cheers swell.
2. BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
Paul convinces Rachel to come to the after party instead of going home to work on her memoir.
3. EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Rachel changes her mind about the party. Drives home.
MONTAGE
4. EXT. CHICAGO, BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN – DAY 1972
RACHEL, 8, with WILLY, 6, her Spanish speaking spitting image. They laugh and jump. Taunt waves at one another.
THE GRASS
BETH, 26, poised on a blanket. Wears a straw wide brimmed hat to protect her fair skin. She reads an interesting book. Looks up. Smiles at the kids. Waves. Back to book.
5. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
A busy down town city street. A black top school yard situated in front of a rectangular concrete institution of a school lined with doors whipping open and shut as kids emerge wearing sweaters and backpacks, looking for their parents.
CHAIN LINK FENCE
Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Then. A door flies open. There’s WILLY, 7, thumbs tucked under the straps of his backpack. He spots Rachel. A wide grin with gaping spaces where teeth should be. He runs to Rachel. Throws his arms around her. She swings him round and round. Til his feet fly in the air.
6. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel and Willy size up the swings set. Willy gets into a seat. Rachel makes him fly high in the sky. Willy giggles with delight.
7. EXT. HIGH RISE – CONTINUOUS
They walk toward a high rise apartment building. Disappear inside.
BACK TO:
8. EXT. FARM, DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck whips onto a long rocky driveway surrounded by farm land, various lit pastures. Mostly empty except for the random cow. Donkey. Horse.
Rachel, with an exaggerated twang, sings loud along with the old school country MUSIC on the radio.
A couple of horses knowingly stretch their necks over the fence.
RACHEL
Hello beauties!
MONTAGE
8. EXT. RANCH – DAY 1974
chicken coup catch a duck for dinner
9. EXT. ARENA – DAY 1974
Rachel, rides the Palomino western style, practices barrel racing techniques. HILLARY, late 20’s, tall statuesque beauty, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
10. INT. ARENA – DUSK 1974
Rachel rides a chestnut English style, alongside older more experienced teen agers. They practice jumps. Cue Rachel from the other side and pass a joint. Someone offers Rachel a joint. She takes it not sure what to do with it. One of the teens gives her a quick lesson. She chokes a little. They laugh, “she’s christened” and head out for a trail ride.
BACK TO:
11. EXT. FARM – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel’s truck approaches. Passes several barns and a large house. Parks in front of a this well lit small barn. Just steps away from a much larger barn.
Rachel hops out. Unloads the truck.
12. INT. HORSE BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel now in a flannel button down and tall rubber boots, cares for and loves on the horse. Feeds and waters.
13. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel enters. Slips out of her boots. Hangs her jacket on the hook. Flips open the laptop on her desk. Pours herself a scotch. Sips. Looks at the pic board as she rolls a joint. Lights up. Long drag.
Looks through a box of photos. Finds some old pictures of the ranch with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. Studies a picture of Hillary and Cliff watching Rachel, 10, milk a cow. Laughs.
14. INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT 1974
Rachel shows Hillary and Cliff her drawings and aptitude for art like her mom and uncle.
15. INT. HIGH RISE APT, HALLWAY – DAY 1974
Hillary brings Rachel back home to her Mom who has just returned from a long trip. Rachel is uncomfortable with her Mom. Prefers Hillary. Mom judges Rachel.
BACK TO:
16. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Rachel finds a picture of Willy, at age 3.
17. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Rachel waits in a blizzard, outside the chain link fence, for Willy.
18. INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY 1972
Rachel meets her Dad who she at first thinks is an Uncle.
BACK TO:
19. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING ***Inciting Event
Phone rings. Blinding rays of light shift. Rachel, passed out on the couch. Aunt Nina calls to tell Rachel her uncle Ben has killed himself.
20. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – DAY
Rachel finds a picture of herself at 16, lounging on a blanket in the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben. Inspects the pic. Pins it to the board away from any clusters.
21. INT. DINING ROOM – DAY 1976
Family feud on Easter. Mom/Beth shows up way late after Easter dinner, proceeds to kill the vibe and then proceeds to criticize the way her family takes care of Rachel. Bad influence. Family gangs up on Beth for her negligence and lack of gratitude. *****Uncle Ben is introduced. ****Need to elevate this.
BACK TO:
22. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel, at the computer, finishes a scotch. Pours another. Paces. Picks up a picture of Beth.
RACHEL
So where you at these days? Hmmmm… Mummy Dearest?
23. INT. HIGH RISE APT – EVENING 1973
The living room cast in blue while the voice of Shirley Temple croons from a tiny black and white screen TV propped on a chest. Rachel plays with her barbies. Phone rings. Mom calls to check in and finds out that Willy didn’t make it home from school.
BACK TO:
24. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Dark MUSIC. Rachel, in time with the music, hurls furious gut wrenching strokes of black and blue paint onto a partially realized painting.
A loud knock at the door. Rachel jumps and screams.
AUNT NINA
Yoo-hoo!!!!
Aunt Nina stops by unexpectedly with the last address she has for Mom/Beth. She also brings some boxes that Mom left in her basement.
25. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel holds the piece of paper with the address on it in one hand. Hits a joint with her other. Threatens to light the piece of paper on fire. Instead, balls it up and tosses it into the trash.
Grabs her jacket with conviction. Steps into her boots. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Slams door on her way out.
26. INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, tipsy, feeds horses and tops off their water. Talks things through with the horses. Therapy.
27. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
Disarray. Rachel, still covered in paint. Already has a fresh cup of coffee. Sees the overstuffed trash can. Dumps it and finds the wad with the address on it. Irons it flat. Stares at it. Sips coffee.
Googles the address. Too far. On hold with town’s police station to have them go to her Mom’s house with a message to call her.
28. EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY 1973
Rachel’s Dad unexpectedly visits her at school. She feels special.
BACK TO:
29. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
On speaker phone with police station. Rachel has a message sent to her Mom’s house to call her.
30. LOFT
Rachel on the bed. Stares at the ceiling. Hits the joint.
31. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Blizzard. School yard covered in snow. Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Dad just around the corner puts Willy in the back seat of the rental car.
BACK TO:
32. LOFT
Rachel swipes tears from her cheeks and neck. Stubs out the joint. Goes to her closet. Pulls hangers. Violently throws clothes on the bed.
33. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel dressed sexy. Finishes make up at the mirror. Lipstick. Fixes hair. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Grabs a different jacket. Checks the mirror, again. Leaves.
34. INT. PUB – NIGHT
Local pub with the usuals. MUSIC on the juke box.
Rachel, at the bar, drinks beer and shots with BUCK, 50, handsome, fit farmer. They’re drunk. Laughing. Bumping into each other.
35. INT. LOFT – LATER
Rachel and Buck have stupid drunk sex.
36. INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
LOFT
Rachel wakes Buck, tells him he’s gotta go.
SMALL BARN
Buck awkwardly climbs down the ladder from the loft. Rachel gives him a coffee to go and kicks him out. Dials a number and puts phone on speaker. Paces. Takes a picture of Beth from the board. Sneers hard at it.
37. INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room through a wall of windows. SOUND, static of walkies over slushy traffic from Lake Shore Drive.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Beth paces. Erratic. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping.
Phone rings.
BETH AND RACHEL (OS)
Hello.
BACK TO:
38. INT. RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel on speaker phone, second call to police station. No news. Officer left a note for Mom.
***** maybe a beat showing stir crazy and resistance.
39. INT. LOFT – DAY
Rachel, hair wet, dresses with purpose. Whips articles of clothing from drawers to duffel bag. Shoves it all in. Zips it up. Drops it over the ledge.
40. EXT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER ***** Purpose check****
Rachel tosses her duffel bag and guitar into her truck. Off to the barn. Slides the big door open. Whinnies of delight are heard from the stalls.
Rachel finishes up her work and leaves, many goodbyes and kisses later.
TRUCK
Rachel, behind the wheel, coasts up the road. Sees FARM OWNERS, 60’s, on their lawn. Waves. Rolls the window down. Thanks them.
42. EXT. MIDWESTERN HIGHWAY ROAD – DUSK ***PURPOSE??
PICK UP TRUCK
Rachel, at the wheel, sings along to MUSIC. The scalding sun hovers like a raging fire alongside the desolate thirsty highway. Rachel turns the music off. The sound of wind and tires turning on the pavement.
43. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Snow flurries create a blur. Rachel at the chain link fence. Willy’s eyes on her from a hole in the fogged up back seat window as it slowly fogs back up. Slush SPLASHES on the street. Rachel pulls her hood over her head. Leaves.
44. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Stillness. Swings covered in snow.
45. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel disappears into the high rise building.
BACK TO:
46. EXT. ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel suddenly pulls off to the side of the road. Discouraged. Smokes some weed. Resets. Then. Screeches back onto the road. Takes a deep angry breath. Pounds on the steering wheel. Chants the fuck song.
A long wide country road. Pedal to the metal. Flips MUSIC on loud. Rachel thrashes in rhythm.
47. EXT. BETH’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel arrives at the house. Turns MUSIC down. Meets Glen and Sheila who are renting her mom’s house. They invite her in. She declines.
48. EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pumps gas. Sees the pub next-door.
49. INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, at the bar. Parties with GUY. Waves off his advances. He’s belligerent.
50. INT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel cruises along the deserted highway. Answers Paul’s call. She missed rehearsal.
51. INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, distracted, looks for a lighter, crashes the car into a light post. Bumps her head. Freezes. Touches her head. Looks in the mirror. Looks around. It’s a ghost town.
52. EXT. ROADSIDE – LATER
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,
53. INT. TOW TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel tucked in the passenger seat with her bag and guitar piled on her lap. Tow Guy drives. Silence. Drops her off at Glen and Sheila’s house. Rachel flips him off.
54. EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits on the stoop. Checks the time. Wraps her jacket around her.
55. EXT. BEACH – DAWN 1977
Rachel takes in the sun as it rises over the lake.
56. EXT. THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS
Rachel disappears into the hedges that line the corner mansion.
She finds a small concealed clearing on the grass. Curls up into a ball tries to cover herself with the jacket.
BACK TO:
_______________________________ACT 2___________________________________
57. INT. HOUSE – NIGHT ***CONTINUE TO WORK ON PURPOSE OF THIS SCENE. Turning Point.
GUEST ROOM
Rachel in awe of Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas, having invited her in to spend the night in their guest room. They turndown the bed and get her towels; show her the hotel drawer with all the soaps and shampoos, etc. Once alone, Rachel opens the hotel drawer, takes out some cotton balls and antiseptic. Looks in the mirror. Cleans her wound. It stings.
58. EXT. STREET – EVENING 1977
BROWN STONE
Rachel, 13, in a skimpy shirt, crosses the street and briskly heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings. Stops in front of a doorway.
She spits into tissue. Swipes makeup from her face. Pops a piece of gum in her mouth. Takes a button down shirt from her purse and puts it on.
59. INT. BROWN STONE APT- CONTINUOUS
HALLWAY
Rachel skulks down the dimly lit hallway toward her bedroom door. Voices come from the dining room at the end of the hall. Just as Rachel ducks into her room, Beth, 31, enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono. Hair in place with chop sticks.
BETH
You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark.
59 a. DINING ROOM
At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese speaking stepfather, athletic build, watch with disapproval as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.
Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice and has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.
Masa pounds on the table.
Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Bullies her way in.
60. INT. BROWN STONE APT – LATER 1977
HALLWAY
The bedroom door opens. Rachel peeks out of her room. Looks both ways. Duffel bag in tow, Rachel tippy toes to the kitchen. Carefully slips out the back door.
BACK TO:
61. INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Lap top falls to the floor. Rachel starts awake. Gives in and smokes some weed, blows it out the window. Gets a bottle of water. Reads what she’s written.
62. INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT 1977
CARLEE, 40, Stew’s mom, eccentric with wild hair, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. Smokes a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.
Wakes Stew and Rachel in the middle of the night and out of the blue sends Rachel home on her own.
63. INT. ENTRANCE OF APARTMENT BLDG – LATER
Rachel gets entry to an apartment building and piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow, curls up, tries to get as comfortable and as concealed as possible. Swollen, heavy, bloodshot sockets.
63 a. DAWN
Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.
The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.
Rachel jolts awake.
The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.
Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.
64. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.
A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street. Rachel spins, uncertain where to go.
65. EXT. BEACH – MOMENTS LATER 1977
A Mansion situated on a corner, faces the lake with a beach just beyond the street. Well quaffed hedges line the property.Rachel, 13, stands at the corner. Takes in the rising sun. Its reflection on the horizon of the lake.
BACK TO:
66. INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Blinding rays light the room. Rachel, in bed awake. Covers her face. Sits up. Rests her forehead in her hands. Moans. Takes a moment to recall where she is. Woozy. Sucks the last drops of water from the bottle. Pulls the curtain to shade the room. Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. A small patch of dried blood on her forehead. Digs in her duffel. Then remembers the sock next to the bed. Takes a couple bumps from last nights packet. Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
67. INT. SHOWER – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel showers. Water pours over her face.
68. INT. STEW’S APARTMENT – MORNING 1977
KITCHEN
Kitchen door opens. Rachel, 13, peeks her head in. Listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops. Peers down the long hallway. All clear. Rachel glides down the hall and disappears into the bathroom. SOUND of the shower being turned on.
*******SMOOTH OUT FROM HERE DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH G AND S.
69. INT. DINER – DAY 1977
Rachel at a booth by the window, dressed nice with make up, drinks coffee and smokes a cig. The want ads are open in front of her. Several job listings have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. Rachel stubs out her cigarette. Ashtray is full. **** Add back in convo with waitress about hiring.
70. EXT. DINER – MOMENTS LATER
A black Mercedes rolls up and stops in front of the diner. NORM, mid 40’s, stocky, bald, gets out of the car. Waves.
Rachel meets Norm at the car. He puts her bags in the trunk. Drives off.
72. INT. NORM’S CAR – MORNING
Silence… A different day. Tension. Norm jaw locked. Looks straight ahead. Rachel, in the passenger seat, holds her bags tightly on her lap. Looks out her window. Finally. Norm abruptly pulls over onto the side of the road. Let’s Rachel out to hitch a ride.
73. EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Norm peels off. Makes a U turn. Rachel flips him off.
HIGHWAY RAMP
Rachel lights a smoke. Stick her thumb up whenever a car or truck passes. Eventually, a huge red Mac truck slows. Passes by Rachel. Pulls over and stops. Rachel runs to the truck. Climbs in.
EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
Mac truck pulls up and stops in front of the diner. Rachel climbs down from the truck. Crosses the street and enters the diner. She can be seen inside the diner talking to the waitress. The waitress disappears into the back leaving Rachel sitting alone at the same booth. She looks out the same window, drinks coffee and smokes a cig.
71. INT. NORM’S PHOTO STUDIO – NIGHT
The studio walls are tastefully covered with photographs of celebrities. Lights are seductively dimmed. A wall of rolled up back drops. A deep red velvet swatch of fabric sways to the floor. Lit by a single pin of light. Where Rachel sits frozen on a wooden stool. She wears make up and red lipstick. Hair tousled, tries to be sexy. Norm crouches. Looks through his camera lens. Rachel sees Jenny standing in the doorway. Jenny, messy braids, holds her doll. Tears spring from her eyes. Norm takes her back to bed, leaving Rachel alone.
74. INT. JENNY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Every little girl’s fairy tale room. Jenny snuggled up on the bed of pink clouds, asleep in the crook of Rachel’s elbow. Finishes the last few lines. The End. Rachel tucks Jenny in. Looks at the whole of the room.
BACK TO:
75. EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
The waitress returns with an apron and paperwork/schedule for Rachel. Rachel stubs out another cig. Finishes her coffee. Says goodbye and leaves the diner. Walks down the street toward the L station.
BACK TO:
76. INT. GLEN AND SHEILA’S HOUSE – MORNING
KITCHEN
Rachel at the kitchen table has breakfast with Glen and Sheila. Glen gives Rachel an old PO Box address where they used to send their rents checks. They talk about having met Rachel’s mom and show her the handy work she’s done around the house.
78. INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, sits on the bed with bags and guitar in hand, overwhelmed with feelings. Takes deep breaths.
79. INT. SMALL HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room. A wall of windows. SOUND of wet traffic from the drive below.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping. Phone rings. Beth answers.
This time, Rachel remembers the entire phone call to the end..
BACK TO:
80. INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel still on the bed. Hugs her things tightly. Tears roll relentlessly down her cheeks.
81. EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY
Rachel exits the Tow truck office. Gets her duffel, guitar and care package from the bench. Sees Glen and Sheila still waiting. Smiles. Waves vigorously. Glen and Sheila ride off waving back.
82. TRUCK
Rachel finds her truck. On the road again. Turns MUSIC on. Recognizes the song. Sings along.
_________________________Act 3___________________________________
83. EXT. CITY INTERSECTION – DAY 1972
Same MUSIC continues. BETH’S CAR, at light, BUMPS to the beat.
Rachel, 8, dances in passenger seat with Beth,26, at the wheel, pumps the break. They laugh and rock in the car. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow. I can’t stop this feeling.” More laughter.
BACK TO:
TRUCK
Same SONG continues. Rachel laughs and sings along.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow” “I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me.”
84. EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
85. TRUCK
With bags, Rachel gets back into the truck. Still parked, eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water. Calls Paul to explain that she needs more time and will be back in a week.
*****WORK ON SCENE/CALL WITH PAUL PURPOSE.
86. EXT. HIGHWAY – LATER
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck cruising along, suddenly swerves onto the side of the road.
She gets out. Lights the joint. Stretches her legs. Takes in the land. Sloppy yoga poses toward the sunset.
87. INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – DAY 1977
Stew, 16, and Rachel, 13, curled up on his bed, naked. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!! They jump. Freeze. Lock eyes. Beth has shown up with Warren the probation officer looking for Rachel.
88. INT. STELLA’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
She runs into Stella’s room and leaps into the walk in closet.
89. INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Stew peeks out the door.
STEW
No. I have not.
90. INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Beth and WARREN, probation officer, 30-40, large, not to be messed with, handsome black man, stand at the back door questioning Carlee. Beth is looking for Rachel who is hiding in the closet and overhears her mother say that she will choose her new husband over her if it comes down to it.
BACK TO:
91. EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps. He tells her to move along.
92. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT
Rachel weighted down with stuff, drags her tired ass down the dim hallway with stained carpet tiles.
93. EXT. APT. COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY 1977
Rachel returns to the apartment mgr to secure the apartment she wants to rent.
BACK TO:
94. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Dive bar. It’s dead. BARTENDER, 60, does a crossword puzzle at the far end of the bar. Rachel alone looks at her phone. “How’s it going? Call me later.” Ignores texts from Paul. Takes her mood out on the pinball machine.
95. INT. STEW’S CAR – DUSK 1977
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
GALLEY WAY
They turn into a galley way between two buildings. Rachel goes inside and throws her clothes out the 2nd story window. They shove it all in the car and take off.
As Stew turn back into the alley. A squad car saddles up. Lights flashing.
Rachel now wears a Cubs cap. Stew rolls his window down. Cop lets them go. Close call. Phew!
BACK TO:
INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
On pin ball machine stacking up a climax and then loses the game. SOUND of wu wu wu wu, you lose.
96. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
*******Rachel sets up the room with towels on the bed……..
97. INT. RACHEL’S APARTMENT – DAY 1977 ****WORK ON THIS LITTLE SECTION LEADING TO POST OFFICE.
Rays of sunshine beam across the freshly sanded floor illuminating the just painted living room. The apartment Mgr hands Rachel the keys. She smiles to herself. It’s a good day.
BACK TO:
PLACEHOLDER? WHAT ABOUT US MAIL JEEP SCENE? THIS!!!
98. EXT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel smiles to herself as she approaches the Post Office. It’s a beautiful day.
99. INT. POST OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel finds her Mom’s PO box that is still being used. She speaks with the Post Master who is able to give her some information about her Mom. Rachel leaves her phone number with the Post Master to give to the woman who picks up the mail.
100. EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel meanders about the town taking in its southern charm. Peeks into shop windows. Then disappears into a coffee shop.
101. EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee. Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. Apologies. It’s Eleanor, unbeknownst to Rachel.
102. TRUCK
Rachel loads her goodies. SOUND of a train riding the tracks.
103. EXT. L STOP – DAY 1977
SOUND of train riding the tracks continues. Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile. Buys a pack of smokes at the corner news stand. Crosses the street.
Suddenly two undercover police OFFICERS approach her. One at a time. They abduct Rachel.
104. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
OFFICE
Taken her into the station where she is picked up by her Mom.
BACK TO:
105. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL – CONTINUOUS
**** WORK ON THIS SCENE AND PURPOSE. Rachel dozes. Phone rings. It’s Paul. Calls to check in. Worried. She apologizes… Connect this scene to previous police station scene for deeper meaning. transition. crappy… alone… on her own…Does Rachel call him? Why this scene now? what do we need? next thing is that Rachel finds her mom got the call from home eleanor passed along her information but did not make the personal call. conflict of interest. need more on this relationship but when? They are both coming to an end of sorts…? explore
________________________________Act 4___________________________________
106. EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel parked, takes out the pint. Grunts. Puts it back.
107. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel looks around. Assesses the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone. Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers. Visiting hours are over. Rachel leaves.
108. RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception. Rachel, nonchalant, glides down the hallway, guitar in tow. Ducks into the ladies room to avoid being seen.
HALLWAY
Rachel peeks out the door. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors. Finds her Mom’s room number. Deep breath. Disappears into the room.
109. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel lets her breath out. Sees her mom. BETH, 70’s, petite blonde, slightly propped up in her bed, connected to various machines. SOUND of breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another. Paralyzed. Rachel gasps for breath. Hot tears spring from her bloodshot eyes. Finally, Rachel, sits in the chair furthest away from Beth.
110. INT. OFFICE, POLICE STATION – DAY 1977
A large sparse office. Dingy tiles. Fluorescent lights. A big worn wooden desk.Rachel fidgets in a chair across from the desk. Her leg shakes impatiently. Officer #1 paces with authority. Drags on a cigarette. Exhales in Rachel’s direction. A couple cocky smoke rings. Other officer enters with Beth who has come to pick up Rachel.
111. INT. HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Beth shops for paint. keeps a close eye on Rachel who stakes out an escape.
112. EXT. SHERIDAN RD. – CONTINUOUS
An old US MAIL JEEP in a long single lane of traffic waits for the green light. Suddenly, Rachel springs out of the jeep and runs back through traffic in the opposite direction.
Beth whips her head around. Tracks Rachel. The light turns green.
114. EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel looks back. disappears around the corner.
115. EXT. ALLEY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel runs down an alley. Slows her pace. looks for a place to hide. Checks behind some trash cans. A cat screeches. Rachel screeches.
Finally, an open garage door.
116. INT. GARAGE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel ducks in. Slithers between the cars. Squats in the corner. Catches her breath.
BACK TO:
117. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, eyes squeezed shut. Finally, she forcibly shakes it off. Sighs. Steps in to her Mom to get a good look at her. Delivers the news of her brother’s suicide. Then plays guitar tentatively. Quietly. Sings softly. Until ELEANOR comes in and tells Rachel to leave.
118. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
Rachel enters the lobby with her guitar, computer bag and two cups of coffee. Sees Eleanor, smiles and takes her a cup of coffee. Apologizes.
118 a. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed. Hair brushed. New gown. Rachel carries on with Mom. It’s one-sided Takes guitar out of its case. Plays softly. Improvises stories from the past into songs..
Then hears voices outside the door. Swings the door open to several older woman all giggles, and smiles ear to ear.
119. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor at the desk, this time by hand in a brand new journal. Stops. Gets a water from the fridge. Takes her weed out rolls a joint. Doesn’t light it. Back to writing.
120. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
BETH’S ROOM
Eleanor changes Beth’s gown. They talk quietly.
HALLWAY
Rachel with her gear about to enter Beth’s room, overhears Eleanor talking. Stops. Listens. Can’t make out what she’s saying. Then hears Beth speak.
121. INT. RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shoves herself into a stall with all her stuff. Crouches on the toilet. Sobs. Unable to catch her breath.
122. INT. BAR – LATER
Rachel sits at the bar waiting. From the end of the bar.
BARTENDER
The usual hon?
Rachel leaves.
BARTENDER
Okay.
123. EXT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel wanders away from the bar.
124. EXT. PARK – CONTINUOUS
A beautiful park with a lake in the middle. Parents and kids play by the swings and slides. Swans drift on the lake. Rachel, tosses her jacket onto the grass. Rolls up her pants and wades into the water. She takes in the sun. It’s a beautiful Spring day.
********Insert: LAKE Scene???
Rachel calls Paul and vents to him about having heard her Mom speak. And hearing that she doesn’t want Rachel there.
CUT #125 MOTEL SCENE *******DON’T THINK I NEED THIS.
126. INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, RECEPTION — MORNING MAYBE MOVE THIS LATER.
Rachel stands at the desk waiting in line amongst a group of teenagers in line to get their allotted cigarettes. Once each teen receives a cigarette, he or she lights it from a gas lit device mounted on the wall.
Rachel next in line steps up. Gets her smoke and lights it from the wall.
127. INT. BETH’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, sits quiet on the chair next to her Beth. Picks up guitar. Plays softly, hums. Beth, eyes closed, fidgets. Writhes in her bed as if in a nightmare. Rachel wipes them away with her fingers and then brushes her fingers through her mom’s hair.
Beth winces.
128. INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – NIGHT 1972
Beth, 26, lands in Puerto Rico. Get’s her bags from the overhead. Stands and waits in line to exit plane.
129. EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY 1972
Beth pulls up in rental car. Parks in front of an extremely modest house surrounded by plantain trees.
Beth shows up to take Willy, 6, “shopping” and promises ABUELA they will return in time for dinner.
130. INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Abuela introduces Willy to his Mom.
BACK TO:
131. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth jerks in her bed. More tears. Rachel soothes her.
132. INT. FRANK AND ELEANOR’S LR – NIGHT 1972
Dark lit by candlelight. Beth, hides Willy at Frank and Eleanor’s. Holds Willy in her arms, rocking him. He has pneumonia and coughs excessively. Beth puts Willy over a steaming pot. Places a towel over his head.
133. INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
The apartment is lit by moonlight through a wall of windows. The SOUND of walkies static in and out. Three officers stand in a circle in the middle of the room talking intermittently to each other and then into their walkie talkies. Rachel, curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch, chanting between sobs. Rocking back and forth. “I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry mom.” Beth in the corner on the phone. Gasps. Hangs up. Blood curdling screams. Violently goes after Rachel yelling and blaming her. Rachel whales, runs into her room, slams the door.
BACK TO:
134. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed, writhes and twitches. Murmurs. The machines beep out of time. What’s happening? Eleanor and a DOCTOR, 40’s, rush into the room. Followed by staff with medical equipment. Eleanor makes Rachel leave and tells her to come back tomorrow. Rachel calls Eleanor out.
135. INT. MOM’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel hovers over Beth who appears to be sleeping. This is Rachel’s last day to visit.
RACHEL
Okay mom… You don’t have to worry. I’m leaving today. I’ll call Eleanor for reports to see how you’re doing. I’m glad you have her. I knew. who she was. I remember you telling me when I was little that “Frank and Eleanor” hid you and Willie. And they took care of you when he was sick… I’m sorry we didn’t get to have him. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I really just thought… my Dad came to see… me.
Beth’s eyes swell with tears.
RACHEL
Remember when you and Masa made me go to Japanese school? Every Saturday. you put me in the class with the 1st graders and I was like 11 or 12… With all the little tiny Japanese American kids. They like came up to my hip. I was giant next to them and at the end of the year we had to stand in a semi circle on the stage and sing that that mom song. Okaasan. I felt so stupid. A big ugly oaf drowning at sea amongst these perfect little porcelain cherubs bobbing up and down, with delight permanently stamped on their little faces. A bowl of shiny candy. With sweet sugary voices… and me.
Beth is still. She’s calm. Her face relaxed. Tears roll tenderly from her closed eyes. The machines sound steady.
Rachel lovingly wipes the tears from her mom’s face. Then softly.
RACHEL
Okaasan, okaasan / watashi no okaasan / yasashi ude de /
Rachel carefully lies next to Beth. Takes her hand and wraps her arm around her waist. Strokes her Mom’s hair.
dakishimete / hitori botchi de / nemureru yoru mo / kokoro wa furusato / watashi no okaasan / furusato / watashi no okaasan
Beth takes Rachels hand in hers. Squeezes it with acknowledgement. Silence.
136. INT. BETH’S ROOM – LATER
Eleanor enters with an envelope. Sees Beth and Rachel. She quietly slips the envelope into Rachel’s bag. Then leaves.
137. EXT. FESTIVAL, PARKING LOT – DUSK
TRUCK
Rachel swoops into a parking spot. Paul waves and heads over.
Rachel takes the already opened envelope from her bag. Opens it. Unfolds the letter. “Dear Rachel, I am so very proud of the person you’ve become. Love, Mom”. Rachel smiles to herself. Puts the note back in the envelope.
Rachel unloads the truck. She is dressed to kill. Turns to see Paul gazing at her.
PAUL
You look fucking hot.
Rachel throws her arms around Paul.
RACHEL
Hi.
PAUL
Hi.
Warm embrace. A moment.
ROLL CREDITS:
Paul takes her bag and guitar. Head toward the stage. Rachel takes Pauls hand.
138. EXT. FESTIVAL STAGE – EVENING
HOST/MC, center stage at the mic. Gets the crowd going. The band is ready offstage left. A huge crowd awaits. Cheers from out front.
HOST/MC
And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for Band Name.
BAND NAME?
Crowd cheers swell.
Band members enter. Wave to their audience. Hit their marks. Rachel joins them center stage.
RACHEL
Hello everyone!
More cheers!
RACHEL
Sure is a beautiful day! Check out that sunset. Thank you everyone for joining us tonight. We are so happy to be here!
More excitement from the crowd.
Rachel big smile. Looks over to her band mates.
RACHEL
Ya’ll ready to rock? 1, 2, 3, 4!
LIVE MUSIC. (Rebels, Tom Petty).
FADE OUT:
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Rebecca’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how easily something you think is pretty good can become way better. How just a little tweak can elevate the story and give it so much more insight into many things at the same time, fix problems. And even have a different unexpected outcome. I also learned more about my characters. Rachel in particular, but also Paul.
1. Tell us your logline: A middle aged artist/musician obsessed with her marred childhood, struggles to write her memoir when she is suddenly summoned to find and deliver bad news to her long time estranged mother.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Main Conflict: Rachel wants to love and to be loved.
1. Opening: Rachel on stage with her rock band belting the encore. Then Turns down an opportunity to hang out at after party with Paul (love interest) to work on her memoir. <div>
2. Inciting Incident: Rachel gets news that her Uncle Ben, Mom’s brother, has killed himself. Nobody knows where Mom/Beth is.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Young Mom/Beth has been introduced revealing her indifference to Rachel, as well as intros to young brother and dad to infer life before tragedy.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel struggles to concentrate. She gets some information as to where her Mom may be and sets out to find her.
5. Mid-Point: (I’m not sure since I just did the class with a 4 Act structure.) However, by now Rachel has met the couple who rent her Mom’s house. Given up and attempts to drive home drunk. Crashes her truck and has it towed. Then winds up back on the stoop of the couple’s/mom’s house.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: After having spent the night in the couple’s guest room and having breakfast with these incredibly kind people who share their experience of having met her Mom, Rachel is given another clue as to her whereabouts. Newly invigorated, she sets out on another road trip to find her mom.
7. Crisis: After some detective work, Rachel, just before giving up, finds her mom in a convalescent home. But she is unconscious. Rachel stays and talks and entertains her, determined to connect with her Mom and seek some sense solace.
8. Climax: The next day, outside her room, Rachel overhears her Mom talking to Eleanor, the mystery woman from the past. Rachel feels deceived and is overcome with emotion but plays along and pushes her Mom into a traumatic physical reaction and is asked to leave.
9. Resolution: On her last visit, Rachel opens up to her mom on a very deep level. She falls asleep and at the same time, they are seeing the past from their own POV’s. Rachel wakes to see tears streaming down her Mom’s cheeks. Wipes them away, lies down next to her. Mom lets Rachel hold her hand and squeezes back. In the end, Rachel makes it back for her next gig. She sees Paul, who adores her, and this time, she is open to the possibilities of love.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Elevate Opening: Purpose is to introduce the possibility of love. Also to reveal more traits and wants and some attributes. And conflict. Brainstormed: changed the outcome of the scene in a great way. Much better set up! Will edit dialogue later.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:
Version 2
Main Conflict: Rachel seeks reparation and must find and confront her longtime estranged Mother/Beth before it’s too late.
1. Opening: Rachel, on stage, accompanied by her rock band, belts out the last notes of their final encore. Then backstage, Paul persuades Rachel to go hang out at the after party with him instead of running home to write her “memoir”. She has promised herself to stay on point. He is relentless and charming. A tall drink of true blue. I will add a scene with Rachel leaving the party all consumed and distracted, maybe. *******************<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>I came to realize that Rachel probably wouldn’t resist the party. Shows more old way traits at top. Also will rewrite dialogue to reflect more of her attraction back toward Paul. Gets reader more involved and curious. Makes Paul more dimensional and interesting
2. Inciting Incident: Rachel gets news that her Uncle Ben, Mom’s brother, has killed himself. Nobody knows where Mom/Beth is.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Rachel commits to finding her long time estranged Mom/Beth, not only to deliver the bad news, but also to confront her and seek peace of mind before it’s too late.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel, distracted, cork screws down a worm hole. Her Aunt Nina finds an old address for Beth. Rachel, curious and righteous, sets out on a road trip find her Mom.
5. Mid-Point:By now Rachel has traveled and met the couple who rent her Mom’s house. And has given up and attempts to drive home drunk. Crashes her truck and has it towed. Then winds up back on the stoop of the couple’s/mom’s house.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Down and out, spends the night. After having spent the night in the couple’s guest room and having breakfast with these incredibly kind people who share their experience of having met her Mom, Rachel is given another clue as to her whereabouts. With a different perspective, she sets out to complete this journey.
7. Crisis: After some detective work, and just before giving up, Rachel finds her mom in a convalescent home. But she is unconscious. Rachel stays. Talks to her. Entertains her. Relentless to connect with her Mom and seek some sense solace.
8. Climax: The next day, outside her room, Rachel overhears her Mom talking to Eleanor, the mystery woman from the past. Rachel overcome with emotion has a silent melt down in the ladies room. (Then decides to play along. Elevate this.) She pushes her Mom into a traumatic physical reaction and is asked to leave.
9. Resolution: On her last visit with Beth, Rachel opens up on a very deep level. Falls asleep and at the same time, they experience the past from their own POV’s which merge. Beth jerks in her sleep. Rachel wakes suddenly. Tears stream down Beth’s cheeks. Rachel wipes them away, calms her mom and lies down next to her. Beth tenses up momentarily. After a bit, lets Rachel hold her hand and squeezes back. ******In the end, Rachel makes it back for her next gig. She sees Paul, who adores her, and this time, she is open to the possibilities of love.
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Hi everyone! I just started the class and am hoping someone sees this for exchange of feedback. Looks like ya’ll are about 3 weeks in. In the meantime, I’ll try reaching out.
Rebecca’s Logline and One Page!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that it’s not as scary as I thought it would be. Also, It provides me with a roadmap to work off of when I get lost since my story is very complicated and the script moves back and forth in time.
Title: Unrequited
Logline: Obsessed with her marred childhood, a middle aged artist/musician, struggles to write her memoir, when she is suddenly summoned to find and deliver bad news to her long time estranged mother.
Story: Rachel, a middle aged musician/artist filled with contrition, painstakingly writes her memoir in an attempt to heal her childhood wounds and come to terms with possibly never again seeing her long-time estranged mother. Rattled with images of the past and unable to cope with both her indifference and her longing, she indulges in alcohol, drugs and sex.
Then, Aunt Nina calls Rachel with the news that her Uncle Ben has shot himself in the head and is dead. But nobody knows where her mother is to deliver the news. The next day, Aunt Nina shows up unannounced with an old address for her piece of shit mother along with some of her abandoned boxes that have been collecting dust in the basement for too long. Rachel vacillates whether or not she will take on the task of finding her mother. This could be an opportunity to confront her and have closure.
Finally, Rachel reluctantly commits to the task at hand, and the search is on. A couple of calls to the police station and a 3 1/2 hour long road trip takes her to her Mother’s last residence, a modest home, which for several years now, is being rented to an older, kind, god fearing couple. Humiliated, Rachel leaves only to find herself back at their house after several mishaps. The couple sets her up in the guest room. She writes. More images unveil deeply buried memories of loss from the past, including the kidnapping of her little brother. At breakfast the next morning, these very kind folks recall having met Beth, Rachel’s Mom, and also provide clue.
On the road again, like a treasure hunt, Rachel eventually finds out that her Mother, Beth, resides in a convalescent home. When she arrives, she sneaks into her Mother’s room after visiting hours, only to find that Beth is unconscious and appears to be on life support. Committed now, Rachel checks into a crappy motel and visits her Mother daily hoping to find some connection.Until she overhears her mother talking to the mystery woman, Eleanor. Broken and enraged, Rachel decides to play the game to her advantage. On her last visit, she makes a deeper than expected connection and heads back home to attempt the possibility of love.
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Hello everyone! I’m Rebecca.
I have written one feature and two shorts. I wrote a first incomplete draft of my feature in 1998 and completed a second draft about 10+ years ago. I just wrote a complete reimagining of the same story with a different perspective in the 30 day screenplay class. It is based on a true story.
I intend to elevate this script, as well as any other I write in the future, to its absolute highest potential and pitch it to producers for option, or raise the money to produce on my own. I look forward to having a smart and efficient model to utilize in order to get this done.
I am a veteran actress, having performed in 50+ plays, as well as a founding ensemble member of a critically acclaimed theatre company in Chicago, now in our 32nd season. Therefore, I have read oodles and oodles of plays, as I was on the play submission committee for many years. I also sing background vocals and play percussive instruments in a highly acclaimed Tom Petty tribute band with some of the greatest musicians from Chicago. Lucky me!
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I, Rebecca Jordan, agree to the terms of this release form.
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Rebecca Jordan’s ready for Script exchange Version 1.
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Rebecca Jordan’ chronological edits. Lesson 28
What I learned doing this assignment is that I could do endless edits on this before I’m completely satisfied.
I made several passes, simply because there are still many moving pieces. I tried to just focus on one thing at a time with each pass; however, I kept getting lost in the structure, moving back and forth in time. So the last pass was fast. quick fixing Flow and clarity, making notes. Worked on some dialogue. And though my descriptions/actions were already pretty tight, they were dry. So I worked on being more specific and creative with those.
I think I’m in pretty good shape as far as a second draft goes. So I have completed the course and will continue to work on the script. This was a great experience and very helpful process.
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Rebecca Jordan’s solved scene problems. Lesson 27.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could continue to work on scenes forever. Right now I’m happy to have finally fixed my structure to where I’m satisfied for the moment. With each lesson toward the end I kept getting hung up on structure when I was to be looking at other elements. However, that being said, I am happy with my scenes for now. The flow of scenes anyway. I know I will revisit scenes for word smithing but I feel like the scenes in general have a purpose with arcs and drive the story. I will definitely revisit with at least a few more passes on scenes as I develop some of the peripheral characters which will makes scenes even better hopefully. I did get rid of some little “transitional” scenes that were unnecessary. And condensed some scene threads to move story with more pace.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s solved character problems. Lesson 26
What I learned from doing this assignment is that, though all of the characters have plenty of room to grow and will continue to become more dimensional, I feel I have a pretty good grasp of their overall essences. So far I think I have fulfilled the basic requirements per the check list. However, I look forward to expounding further on each character’s idiosyncrasies. It’s fun exploring the possibilities. With each pass!
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Rebecca Jordan’s solved structural problems.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am not done solving structural problems. The main through line is still there. But the sub plot timeline is a mess and all over the place. Trying to achieve emotional impact as opposed to chronological order. This is ongoing. And I have found that some of what I had in Act 1 rolls over to 2… So I need to make sure I’m at the right points and understanding what Turning points really are TPs. I have figured out Act 1 which helps establish what may need to happen later. I will likely need to take it apart and restructure the two story lines.
Act 1: 25 to 30 pages — Set up and see Old Ways.
Opening: GIG On Rachel, 50’s, at gig. Turns down a party to work on her memoir.
RANCH 1974. Ride home on long country road. To the Ranch. Introduces Farm life and Rachel living with God Parents. Love of horses.
Introduces Rachel’s world and how she got there. Farm. Horses.
RANCH 1974. And that she’s an artist like Mom and Uncle Ben.
Rachel at HOME at her desk writing. She frets, lights a joint, sips coffee, looks at photos. Pic with Hillary. Takes us to
HIGH RISE 1974. Intro Mom and her absence. And failed marriage etc.
HOME. Drunk. Sing to board. 2yrs old and buckingham fountain. Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with cops standing in a circle in their living room.
One of a young boy, in particular. Montage (1972) Rachel (9 yrs old) outside the fence of public elementary school waves at little boy (7) who runs to her.
They walk hand in hand. Play in the park.
Dad outside Rachel’s school. Rachel excited to see Dad.
Rachel outside same school waiting. Empty school lot. No little boy.
Little boy with Dad getting in car. A woman in the passenger seat.
Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone.
Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying.
Mom answers phone, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room.
Rachel, (age 13, 1977) in front of her apartment building, finishes up a joint while removing makeup with a tissue. She takes a swig from the pint of JD in her purse and throws a sweatshirt over her sexy top. She enters her apartment where her mom and Japanese step father are having dinner. Rachel is late. Mom, 31, blonde caucasian, wears a kimono, comes after Rachel yelling. Rachel skulks into her bedroom closes the door. At the dinner table, Mom scolds her for putting ketchup on her rice which is unacceptable. Rachel retorts. Mom cues, Rachel’s step-dad, (28, Japanese, athletic), he back hands Rachel across the face. Rachel screams runs to her room.
Later, Rachel checks to make sure they are sleeping. She throws her clothes out the window and sneaks out the back door with a partially empty empty duffle bag. Friend waits in car as she scoops up her clothes. They drive off.Inciting Incident: Rachel (Present, 50’s), at her desk, struggles with writing her memoir. There are paintings on the walls of her work that reflect her struggle. The phone rings. She answers; it’s her Aunt calling to let her know that Rachel’s Uncle, her mom’s brother has shot him in the head. Rachel’s aunt has no idea where mom is living. None of the phone numbers she’s has tried work.
Turning Point: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel struggles to concentrate and contemplates trying to find her Mother. Montage, 1973-4. Rachel sits in passenger seat with mom at the wheel at a stop light. They laugh as mom pumps the breaks making the car rock to the beat of the music. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
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Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways.
Reaction: Rachel gets trashed and recounts the past thrashing about until she wears herself out, paralyzed with emotions taking over. She is belligerent, confused and destructive as she struggles with the responsibility of having to contact her Mother.
The Plan:
1) Rachel, a hung over mess, gets cleaned up and tries to work on her memoir in order to distract herself but is haunted with memories sending her into another bout of rage. She justifies all that happened as an excuse to say fuck it!
2) Getting nowhere with the numerous phone numbers and email addresses she has, Rachel finally calls the police department in the town where her aunt told her she had last lived. Rachel asks the Police officer to drive over to the house with a message to call her. But she never hears back. The police officer left a note on the door for her because nobody was home.
3) Rachel recalls her childhood and the kidnapping of her little brother her little brother and how her mom blamed her and never showed loved toward her again. She gets fucked up and decides she never wants to see her mom again anyway. What’s the point?
4) Now really angry, she sets out to confront her mom. She drives to the little town where she thinks she’ll find her mom but when she arrives and rings the door bell a stranger answers the door. A nice couple is renting the house. Seeing how distraught and messed up Rachel is, they invite her in for a cup of coffee. At a loss, she finally agrees. They talk and try to come up with some clues at which time Rachel breaks down. The couple, encourages her and invite her to spend the night so she can get some rest. But she’s embarrassed and humiliated and turns them down.
Turning Point 2: MIDPOINT:
Rachel drives around the town criticizing its podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets high and finds a pub. After a beer and a shot and having folks be too nice to her, she leaves. With nowhere to go, she ends up back at the house and humbly decides to accept the kind couple’s invitation to spend the night.
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Act 3 – With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
New Plan:
The next morning, over breakfast with the kind couple, the man shows Rachel a PO Box address where he sends the rent checks. Rachel’s, unexpectedly feels excited and curious. There’s no turning back. These people have made her see a new way. She graciously says her goodbyes and drives South determined to see her mom.
Turning Point 3:
Rachel finally finds her Mom in a convalescent home. She is unconscious and has been for quite sometime with no guarantee of waking up.
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Act 4
Climax: Rachel is committed to waking her mom out of her coma. She visits daily, to the dismay of the Nurse who is overly protective with no knowledge of Rachel’s existence. Rachel not only has to break through to her Mom, but she also has to win over the Nurse, who eventually engages with Rachel. They share stories and become friendly. Each day presents a new tactic to reach her Mom. Including bringing her guitar and singing songs, perhaps that she’s written for her and reading poetry, etc. The nurse can reach Rachel’s Mom in a way that is secret until Mom is ready to acknowledge Rachel.
Resolution: Perhaps Mom can’t open her eyes. But she’s changed from the visits and from the Nurse’s persistence.Rachel breaks down, desperate for a connection, ready to give up. Mom takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it hard. This is enough.
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Rebecca Jordan’s filled in missing scenes.
What I learned from dong this assignment is that I have thoroughly confused myself. I didn’t have missing scenes; however I found myself stuck on structure and moved scenes around thinking that the order didn’t have the impact I was looking for. And too much material convoluting the concept. Only to go back to outline and put mostly everything back! So I spent this lesson picking everything a part. Frustration that I was dipping into next lesson without having satisfied with this one. Okay! Moving on now. Probably to write much of the same tale for the next lesson. Just playing shuffle board.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 4, Key Scene 4 – Resolution – wrap it up and show us the “new normal” – Lesson 23
What I learned from doing this assignment is to just keep moving forward. I had to resist the temptation to go back and move stuff around. So I could save it for the 2nd pass. And then got over the fear of the ending and really enjoyed going there. Exciting and emotional. Wrote really fast. And it miraculously came together. Of course there is work to do. But I’m on my way.
Act 4, Key Scene 4, Outline and Resolution Scenes
Resolution:
Beginning: The Last visit. Rachel tells her mom it’s time to get back to work and that she’ll check in with her through Eleanor. No response.
Middle: Rachel’s last day with Mom. The last story. Remember when you and Masa made me to Japanese school… Rachel sings the graduation song Okaasan for her Mom.
End: Mom can’t open her eyes though this time, her face is relaxed. The machines sound in normal time. Tears roll tenderly from Beth’s closed eyes. Rachel senses acceptance for the first time. Rachel lovingly wipes the tears from her mom’s face. Then gently slides into the bed next to her. Runs her fingers through her hair. Beth takes Rachels hand away from her hair. Holds her hand squeezes it.
Closes on credits rolling: Rachel back home ready for gig. Dressed for performance to the nines. Paul waits for her. She sees him. Runs into his arms and he swings her around. Let’s do this.
Band opens with Rebels. Fade out.
Act 4, Resolution Scenes.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel stands next to her mom who appears to be sleeping.
RACHEL
Okay mom. You don’t have to worry. I’m leaving today. I’ll call Eleanor for reports to see how you’re doing. I’m glad you have her. I knew that she was the one. I remember you telling me when I was little that she hid you and Willie. And took care of you when he was sick. I’m sorry we didn’t get to have him. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I really just thought my Dad came to see me.
Beth’s eyes swell with tears.
RACHEL
Remember when you and Masa made me go to Japanese school? To learn Japanese. I was like 12 with all the little tiny Japanese kids who were first graders… And at the end of the year we had to stand in a semi circle on the stage and sing that song to our Moms. The mom song. Okaasan. I remember that I felt so stupid standing in the middle. The only “American white girl” with all the kids at my sides. I was twice as tall. They were so cute though. I didn’t want to be there. Cause I was such a rebel. I don’t know why I remember that song.
Beth still unable to face Rachel. though this time, her face relaxes. She’s calm. The machines sound steady. Tears roll tenderly from her closed eyes.
Rachel lovingly wipes the tears from her mom’s face. Then gently slides into the bed next to her. Runs her fingers through her hair.
RACHEL
Okaasan, okaasan / watashi no okaasan / yasashi ude de / dakishimete / hitori botchi de / nemureru yoru mo / kokoro wa furusato / watashi no okaasan / furusato / watashi no okaasan
Beth takes Rachels hand away from her hair. Holds her hand squeezes it.
EXT. FESTIVAL – DAY
Rachel swoops into the parking lot. Sees Paul. He waves and heads over.
Rachel, dressed to the nines already unloading the truck. Turns to see Paul gazing at her.
PAUL
Hello beautiful. You’re looking pretty // amazing.
Rachel throws her arms around Paul.
RACHEL
Hi.
PAUL
Hi.
CREDITS ROLL:
Paul takes her bag and guitar. They take each other in. Head toward the stage.
EXT. FESTIVAL STAGE – EVENING
A huge crowd awaits. Cheers of excitement.
HOST/MC
And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for Band Name.
Crowd cheers swell.
Rachel, Paul and the band walk up onto the stage. Wave to their friends. Hit their marks.
RACHEL
Hello everyone!
More cheers!
RACHEL
Sure is a beautiful day! Thanks for joining us tonight. We are so happy to be here!
Woo-hoos and more excitement from the crowd.
Rachel big smile. Looks over to her band mates.
RACHEL
Ready. And 1, 2, 3, 4!
They play Rebels, Tom Petty.
The crowd sings along.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 4 Climax – Lesson 22
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I was not and still am not certain how this will go in the end. But identifying the climax, ie. ultimate expression of the conflict, has helped me to understand the general direction of how to proceed. Also makes it easier to get rid of the riff raff.
Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.
Beginning: Rachel returns for another visit with her Mom at the Convalescent Home. Upon entering she overhears Eleanor speaking to someone. She realizes that it’s her Mom who is cognizant and can speak, though her speech is slurred.
Middle: Shocked and infuriated, Rachel runs into the restroom down the hall. Hides in a stall and breaks down.
End: Then to the bar to tie one on. But has second thoughts and leaves without ordering.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, HALLWAY – MORNING
Rachel with her gear about to enter Beth’s room. Hears voices. Stops. Listens.
INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
ELEANOR
Let’s just see how it goes. One day at a time.
Beth’s Speech labored and slurred.
BETH
I don’t want her here.
Rachel can’t make out what they are saying. Then she recognizes her mom’s voice.
Rachel flushes. Heart pounding. Runs down the hall and into the restroom.
INT. RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shoved into a stall with all her stuff. Crouches on the toilet. Sobs. Unable to catch her breath.
EXT. BAR – MORNING
Rachel paces outside the bar.
INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits at the bar waiting.
From the end of the bar.
BARTENDER
The usual hon?
Rachel leaves.
BARTENDER
Okay.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 4 Key Scenes, Lesson 21
What I learned from doing this assignment is that sticking to the outline is key. I had gotten myself into a tangle not sure what was where, again overthinking and second guessing. Then went back to my beat sheet, and low and behold, the answers were right there. No second guessing! Forward I march!
Act 4, Key Scene 1 – Reaction to Act 3 Turning Point
Beginning: After hearing from a Convalescent Home that her mom is residing there, Rachel is flooded with childhood memories that provoke anger, remorse and curiosity.
Middle: Rachel finally gets to confront her Mom.
End: But she arrives at the home only to find that it’s after visiting hour
EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
Rachel, 50’s, lands into a parking spot.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Takes out the pint.
Grunts.
Puts it back.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel looks around assessing the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone.
Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers.
RECEPTIONIST
Here you go. The room number is at the top of the page.
RACHEL
Thank you.
Rachel checks the different hallways.
RECEPTIONIST
Her room is that way. But you’ll have to come back tomorrow during visiting hours. Everyone’s in bed. Last rounds have been made. Etcetera.
RACHEL
Oh. Bummer.
Backs away from desk.
RACHEL
Thanks again.
RECEPTIONIST
You are welcome. Good night.
RACHEL
Good night. See you tomorrow then.
Receptionist glances up. And back to work.
Act 4, Key Scene 2 – Rachel faces her dilemma
Beginning: Rachel sneaks back into the home and finds her Mom in her room hooked up to various life support machines.
Middle: Rachel talks to her Mom who doesn’t respond. Rachel plays her guitar softly and sings hoping that it will rattle her Mom awake, even if it pisses her off.
End: Eleanor enters and reprimands Rachel for sneaking in after visiting hours. Then informs her that her mom has been unconscious for quite sometime and may not ever wake up.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception.
Rachel 50’s with her guitar, sneaks down the hallway, ducking into the restroom to avoid being seen.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pops out of the restroom. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors until she finds her Mom’s room number.
Takes a deep breath.
Disappears into the room.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel let’s her breath out.
SOUND of machines breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another.
Rachel sees her Mom hooked up to machines.
Paralyzed with shock. Hot tears pour down her face.
Quiet guttural sobs. Tears flying from her face.
Rachel at a loss. Sits in the chair. Stares at her Mom for a long time.
Finally, Rachel forces herself to stop crying.
Steps close to her Mom to get a good look at her.
RACHEL
(whispers)
Mom? Hi Mom? You probably don’t want me here. That’s okay. You can stay sleeping.
Waits.
RACHEL
I came to tell you that Uncle Ben is dead… He’ killed himself… shot himself in the head.
Rachel takes her guitar out of its case and straps it over her shoulder.
She puts her ear up to the door and listens.
Then gets close to her mom.
RACHEL
How bout I sing for you. That ought to wake you up. Or at least make your nose wrinkle. You always hated when I sang. I always thought it was cause I was no good. I thought I’d never sing again. But I like to sing. I’m in a really good band.
Tunes up guitar.
RACHEL
I wrote you a song. Well a lot of them are about you. I guess. But this is my favorite.
Sighs.
RACHEL
I’m nervous and don’t even know if you can hear me. That’s crazy. … Okay. Here goes.
Strums the wrong chord.
RACHEL
Jeez. Come on. You’re not that girl anymore.
Rachel plays and sings softly to her Mom, accompanied by more tears.
Eleanor enters.
Rachel starts.
RACHEL
You scared me.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are over.
RACHEL
I haven’t seen my mom in a really long time.
ELEANOR
She never mentioned having a daughter. And anyways, you can’t be making noise in here. It’s after bed time. // Everyone is asleep.
RACHEL
Wait. I recognize you.
ELEANOR
Yes, you’re the young lady who almost knocked me on my tush the other day.
RACHEL
Thank you for having them call me.
ELEANOR
Like i said, no mention of a daughter.
RACHEL
Do you know my mom? Your’e not the same eleanor I met when I was a kid?
ELEANOR
You need to go. You can come back during visiting hours if you want. It’s up to you. But she won’t even know you’re here. She’s been unconscious a long time.
RACHEL
Is she gonna wake up? Ever?
Eleanor shrugs.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are long over. Dear.
RACHEL
So your’e not the same Eleanor —
Eleanor is gone.
-
Rebecca Jordan’s completed Act 3, Lesson 20
What I learned from doing this assignment is that l need to recommit to speed writing. And stop worrying that I have too much material and how to structure it all. I suppose that’s a good problem.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel’s, 50’s, behind the wheel, laughs to herself.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
Sings.
RACHEL
“I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me.”
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
INT. TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water.
Deep breath.
Calls Paul on speaker.
PAUL
Dare I ask?
RACHEL
I know okay? go ahead. rip me a new one.
PAUL
Rachel…
RACHEL
…
PAUL
Okay. Obviously you won’t make it tonight.
RACHEL
Obviously… I’m really sorry.
PAUL
…Are you okay, babe?
Rachel winces, a little.
RACHEL
Yea. Well. Not really. But I will be.
(beat)
I Was on my way back, but I had to turn around. It’s a long story.
PAUL
Does this have to do with your mom?
RACHEL
Can you guys just please rehearse without me.
PAUL
Rach–
RACHEL
I’ll be ready. You know I will. I’ll need it badly after this… trip. // Trust me.
PAUL
Trust me. I know you’ll kill it. You always do. I’m worried you though.
RACHEL
Paul–
PAUL
I take it back. I’m here for you. I want to be there for you. I care about you.
Sigh.
PAUL
I understand not today. Probably not tomorrow. Just want you to know I’m in your court. You now what I mean.
RACHEL
I do. I need —
Rachel chokes back feeling.
RACHEL
…more time to get my head on right. Is all. Don’t wanted keep tarnishing everything shiny in my life.
PAUL
Awwww. Rach. That’s mushy.
RACHEL
I have to go, dudey. I’ll keep you posted.
PAUL
Check the calendar.
RACHEL
A week tops. Two.
PAUL
Bye. Text me. A lot.
RACHEL
Bye.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, numb. Sits. Pint of JD in hand.
Throws back a mouth full. Rolls a joint for the ride.
INSERT:
EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD, HIGHWAY – LATER
Rachel swerves onto the side of the road.
Gets out of the truck. Hits the joint. Stretches her legs. Takes in the land. Yoga poses toward the sunset.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel curls up with jacket. Cat nap.
INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – DAY
Stew and Rachel are curled up on his bed in each other’s arms, naked.
Suddenly, knocks at the back door. Then voices.
Rachel and Stew freeze. Lock eyes.
Carlee yells from down the hall.
CARLEE
Stew. Rachel’s mother is here looking for her. Do you know where she is?
Rachel flies out of the room.
INT. STELLA’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
She leaps into the walk in closet.
CARLEE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Stew! Have you seen Rachel?
INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Stew peeks out the door.
STEW
No. I have not.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Carlee and Beth with Undercover Cop, 40’s, handsome black man, stand at the back door.
CARLEE
She’s not here.
Carlee checks out the detective.
BETH
I don’t know what kind of household you’re running here, with teenagers just coming and going as they please. But I don’t want my daughter // over here anymore.
CARLEE
Huh! Never gave a shit before.
BETH
Well, I do // now.
CARLEE
You’re the fucking bitch with a daughter who can’t stand being in the same room with you.
BETH
Don’t you dare use that kind of fowl language with me. That is unbelievably rude.
CARLEE
Oh yes, and you’re sooo prim and proper. Fucking phony.
BETH
Clearly you’ve been talking to my thirteen year old child.
CARLEE
Yes we talk. We have a nice relationship.
BETH
Good for you.
CARLEE
Good for her too.
DETECTIVE
Okay ladies. Lets wrap it up. Rachel isn’t here.
CARLEE
Some guy from Japan comes along, out of the blue, who doesn’t even speak English. And you decide to become a different person. And then you expect your kid to change from what you’ve already turned her into. Why do you think she’d rather be here?
BETH
I love my daughter, but I will not stand by and allow her to destroy my relationship with my husband.
CARLEE
Oh you’re so selfish Beth.
BETH
Who are you to judge? You’re a floozy. Look at you.
CARLEE
You’re no better than me Beth. At least I’m home.
BETH
Must be nice to have that choice as a single mom.
CARLEE
It is.
BETH
And I think it’s inappropriate that you allow Rachel to sleep over here with Stew. She’s too young to have a boyfriend in the first place.
CARLEE
Oh please. Grow up. She sleeps in Stella’s room. They’ve been best friends for years. And I can’t help it if Stew and Rachel like each other.
BETH
Well she’s not aloud over here anymore.
CARLEE
I can’t watch them every minute of the day. And your kid is not my responsibility.
BETH
She is if she’s here.
CARLEE
As if you’ve ever even given a shit.
CARLEE
She’s thirteen years old, Carlee.
CARLEE
Oh, why don’t you just fucking leave me alone. Please. Take your little entourage and go.
BETH
That is so inappropriate.
Carlee pushes them toward the door.
CARLEE
And you’re perfect. I don’t need your insults
BETH
My husband doesn’t understand this kind of behavior. Children in Japan, where he was raised, are well behaved and obedient.
CARLEE
What are they animals?
INT. WALK IN CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel balled up in a corner of the world’s tiniest bedroom. With clothes hanging overhead. Her ear pressed up against the door.
BETH
They treat their parents with respect. Help out.
CARLEE
You’re delusional Beth.
BETH
No. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
Mocking her.
CARLEE
That’s how it’s supposed to be. Well, you should have thought of that before you brought the guy into a fatal situation.
BETH
I will not have my child running around doing as she wants. Ruining everything for me. She will not destroy my marriage. If I have to make a choice, I will choose my husband.
CARLEE
Oh grow up Beth. She’s your daughter. She’s a thirteen year old child.
Rachel covers her mouth. Sobs.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
BETH
Oh please. Why don’t you grow up Carlee.
CARLEE
Okay bitch. Get out of my house.
Please. You make me sick.
OFFICER
Ladies. Please. Put your claws back in. This is about finding a thirteen year old who is obviously troubled.
BETH
Fine. But if I find out that Rachel // is hanging out with Stew.
CARLEE
Please. Go. Don’t come back.
MARLENE
If I find out, Carlee, that you are allowing —
CARLEE
Believe me. I’ll tell her to run as far away from you as possible.
OFFICER
Okay ladies. // Let’s wrap it up.
BETH
Oh that’s nice. You are such a child.
CARLEE
Oh you’re such a child! Please Beth, just get the fuck out of my home.
Carlee pushes them toward the door.
OFFICER
Okay ma’m. That’s enough.
CARLEE
This is my home. Unless you have a warrant, you got not right.
BETH
This is useless. Let’s go.
Carlee closes the door behind them.
CARLEE
Fuck you!
Carlee rushes down the hall.
CARLEE
Stew! Rachel has to go now.
And please don’t argue with me. I can’t have this.
STEW
Okay.
CARLEE
I mean it. I do not need that bitch coming into my house with the cops insulting me.
INT. WALK IN CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel in the closet, cries quietly.
CARLEE (O.S.)
Rachel, honey. Come on. You have to go home now.
INT. TRUCK, SIDE OF THE ROAD – EVENING
Rachel, 50’s, wakes with a start. Tears stain her flushed cheeks.
RACHEL
Fuck this!
She gets a bottled water from paper bag on the front seat. Guzzles.
Finds the roach in the ashtray, fires it up.
EXT. CRAPPY MOTEL – NIGHT
Rachel sits in her truck parked outside the motel.
RACHEL
Why? Why!!?? Fucking piece of shit motel! Ahhhhh!
Gathers some stuff from the front seat.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel weighted down with duffel and various bags. Drags her ass down the gloomy hallway to her room.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel propped up on the bed has placed towels over the bedspread.
She stares through the television.
EXT. APT. COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY
Rachel, 13, finds her way through the courtyard to a door in the corner.
Rings the buzzer next to the sign that reads “MANAGER”.
JERRY
Come on in! Rachel enters.
Door buzzes.
INT. STAIRWAY – CONTINUOUS
Dark and dingy stairway. Smells like a locker room.
Rachel at the bottom of the stairs, knocks on the door.
RACHEL
Hello.
JERRY
Yeah. Hi. Come On in.
Rachel pushes the door open.
INT. DINGY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
The apartment rental manager, JERRY, 40’s, over weight, lacks hygiene, a real “dees” and “dose” kinda guy.
Sits at a crappy metal desk with his feet up on it. Watches a tiny black and white television, drinks an Old Milwaukee.
Squishes the can and lops it into the over flowing trash.
Jerry sits up in his chair. Belly hangs out of his T-shirt.
JERRY
Come in! Come in! Don’t be shy.
Rachel takes one step in.
JERRY
What can I do you for missy?
RACHEL
Hi. Remember me?
JERRY
Look familiar.
RACHEL
I was here about a week ago. Looked at the apartment upstairs. Said I’d be back.
JERRY
Yeah, I remember. What’s da name?
RACHEL
Rachel.
JERRY
I figured you didn’t want it.
Rachel’s eyes wide open.
RACHEL
Is it gone?
JERRY
someone was looking at it.
RACHEL
Oh.
JERRY
You were supposed to bring a check by da udder day.
RACHEL
Yeah, I’m sorry.., I um.., I ended up having to work some double shifts. And then I had to go out of town for a couple of days… for work.
He sizes her up.
She sits up straight.
RACHEL
Is it available? Can I still get it if I give you some money today?
Jerry rummages through some messy stacks of paper on his desk.
JERRY
Did you already fill out da paper work?
Rachel fidgets with her purse.
Sees the tumbling stacks of file folders with papers sticking out.
RACHEL
Yeah. I did.
Jerry gives up.
JERRY
Okay. Well if you give me a deposit today da place is yours.
RACHEL
Yes. Thank you.
Rachel digs through her bag..,
Pulls out little wads of cash from various pockets. Stacks them into a pile, straightens the bills as she counts.
Jerry’s attention is back to the television.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Dive bar. It’s dead. BARTENDER, 60, does a crossword puzzle at the end of the bar.
Rachel, 50’s, at the bar alone.
RACHEL
I’ll take another shot of Jack when you get a chance.
BARTENDER
Sure.
Bartender, sighs, slowly get up from her chair, waddles over to pour the shot. Sets it in front of Rachel.
BARTENDER
Another beer too?
RACHEL
No thanks. What do I owe you?
BARTENDER
Four bucks.
Rachel sets Five bucks on the bar. Throws back the shot.
RACHEL
Thanks.
Heads over to the games.
Puts change in a pin ball machine. Takes her anger out on the silver balls.
Looks at phone. Sees text from Paul. “How’s it going? Call me later.” Back in pocket.
INT. STEW’S CAR – DUSK
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
They approach a galley way between to buildings.
RACHEL
Just turn in here?
STEW
Where?
RACHEL
Right here.
STEW
Are you out of your fucking mind? It’s all grass.
RACHEL
It’s okay. Nobody can see you. // Just back in.
STEW
Not unless someone just happens to be near their window.
Stew backs into the galley way. Careful not to mess up his rims.
STEW
This is not good.
RACHEL
My bedroom window is right back there. Stop. Right here is good.
EXT. STEW’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel and Stew are out of the car.
STEW
Which one is it?
RACHEL
Right there.
STEW
What are you gonna do? Climb up the side of the building?
RACHEL
You’re real funny. Duh. I’m going in. You wait here. I’ll throw my shit out the window.
STEW
Not on my car. I’ll move up.
RACHEL
Whatever. It’s just gonna be my clothes. I’ll carry down the rest.
STEW
Hurry up.
RACHEL
I’ll be fast. Believe you me.
Rachel already running.
STEW
Are you packed at least?
RACHEL
Why would I be packed? Jeez. I’m just gonna throw it down.
She disappears around the corner.
Stew leans on his car. Lights up a smoke. Checks his watch. looks around.
Finally, the window opens from above.
Mick looks. A pile of clothes fly out the window. As if weightless, the clothes separate and float down.
Mick’s face still turned upward in awe. A shirt lands on his face.
The clothes come crashing down, landing in heap around him.
STEW
What the fuck?
RACHEL
Just shove it all in the trunk.
He folds some clothes and puts them in a pile.
Rachel has another pile of clothes.
RACHEL
No! Don’t fold it. Just shove it in the trunk. Jesus!
INT. RACHEL’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel’s bag is almost full.
On her way out, she sees a picture of herself with her Mom. Leaves it on the dresser. Stops. Exits.
On second thought. Grabs the photo and shoves in her bag.
EXT. STEW’S CAR — MOMENTS LATER
Rachel runs toward the car with her bag.
RACHEL
Let’s book. It’s getting dark.
She throws her stuff in the trunk. Slams it shut.
INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
Stew slowly pulls out and turns into the alley.
A squad car right behind them turns on flashing lights.
RACHEL
Shit! Holy shit! Alright. Just be cool. Drive normal.
STEW
Aw! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
EXT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
The squad car pulls right up to the driver’s side of the car. Mick rolls down his window.
Rachel has a her Cubs cap on.
OFFICER
Is everything okay here? Yes officer. I was just turning around.
OFFICER
That’s not a driveway young man.
STEW
Yeah. I know. I’m really sorry officer.
OFFICER
Alright. Well let’s move it along.
STEW
Thank you sir. Have a good
INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS
STEW
Holy fuckin’ shit.
Rachel can hardly breath. Jaw on the floor.
Stew’s heart racing. Hands shaking. Grips the wheel and slowly rides away.
Silence.
INT. RACHEL’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The apartment door is open. There are piles of Rachel’s stuff strewn about and posters bulging out of bags etc. The place partially painted. Empty cans of paint, drop clothes, rollers brushes stacked next to a ladder propped up in a corner. A guitar and albums lean up against a cheap stereo.
Foot steps climb the stairs.
Rachel and Stew enter carrying more bags.
RACHEL
You can put that stuff in the kitchen.
Winded, Rachel drops everything into a pile on the floor.
Stew drags his feet looks around. Sees the bong and tray of weed.
STEW
Here we go.
He sits on the floor and fills the bowl.
You want a soda or something? Are you hungry?
STEW
Nah.
RACHEL (O.S.)
I got some Jack.
STEW
I’m gonna book in a minute.
Rachel enters with two sodas and a pint of Jack.
RACHEL
Oh… Okay. Here’s a soda for the road. You gotta be dying of thirst by now..
STEW
Yeah. Thanks. Maybe I better. I’ll need it after this.
Stew takes a hit from the bong and holds it in as long as he can.
RACHEL
Thanks… For helping me. I know you think I’m nuts.
Mick loads another bong for himself.
STEW
It’s cool.
Rachel pulls posters out of a bag and tries to decide where to hang stuff.
Stew lights the bong and holds his hit. Chokes.
STEW
Alrighty.
(coughing)
I’m out of here.
RACHEL
Don’t choke when you toke.
Stew leans in for a quick kiss. Heads for the door.
STEW
Okay. Later.
RACHEL
Later.
STEW
You okay?
RACHEL
I guess. You can stay. If you want.
STEW
Nah. I gotta book.
RACHEL
Okay. Later.
Rachel picks up a bag. Head down goes in the kitchen.
RACHEL
See ya. Thanks again.
STEW
Cool. Later.
Stew’s out the door and down stairs.
Rachel comes back in. Looks around. Sits on the floor in front of the bong. Alone.
She pulls her bag close. Digs around until she finds the wrinkled picture of her and her Mom together. Mom is smiling lovingly at Rachel who is about 6 yrs old.
INT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel 50’s enters the Post Office. Takes in all the PO Boxes lining the walls. Where to start?
Looks at her paper with the PO box number.
Finds the corresponding box. She can see from the window that the box is packed to the gills with mail.
Rachel approaches the POST MASTER, 60’s, quirky with a friendly twang. She’s behind the desk bending over some boxes.
RACHEL
Excuse me.
POST MASTER
Hi. A Good morning to ya!
Amused.
RACHEL
And to you too. I’m looking for the woman who owns this… or belongs to… this PO Box number.
Shows her the paper with address.
RACHEL
It’s the very full box over there.
RACHEL
Second row from the bottom.Do you happen to know her? Her name is // Beth.
POST MASTER
Beth. Yes I do.
RACHEL
You do?
POST MASTER
I do? Haven’t seen her in quite a long time.
RACHEL
She obviously hasn’t been here in quite a long time. She’s my Mom.
POST MASTER
I have literally tons of her mail stacking up. In the back room. Are you here to pick it up?
RACHEL
Oh well. I could…
POST MASTER
Well we can’t just give it to you before verifying some things first. Protocol.
RACHEL
Right.
POST MASTER
And. Sorry to say. Well I can’t say.
RACHEL
Oh.
POST MASTER
We haven’t seen Beth here in, gosh, only heaven knows. Oops, that didn’t come out quite right.
RACHEL
Okay. Can you tell me how far back the mail is dated?
POST MASTER
Oh golly. Hard to know for sure. Probably a year? Almost.
RACHEL
Holy moly.
POST MASTER
Holy moly is right. I really need to verify that you’re her daughter. It’s a process.
RACHEL
Of course.
Stuck. What next.
POST MASTER
If you have her number, we can call her.
RACHEL
Well… hmmm.
POST MASTER
Or… but we haven’t seen her in a long time either.
RACHEL
Her?
POST MASTER
There is an older lady. Picks up… your Mom’s… mail ever so often. Her name… is… Oh what’s her name? Shoot. She drives a long ways to get here. That’s probably why it piles up.
RACHEL
Sure.
POST MASTER
Which could mean she be coming sometime soon. Unless… nothing.
Blurts out proudly.
POST MASTER
Eleanor! That’s it.
RACHEL
Eleanor?
POST MASTER
Yes Eleanor. I’m sure of it. Nice older woman.
Reflects.
RACHEL
Can’t be the same Eleanor I know from when I was a wee kid.
POST MASTER
She’s pretty old.
RACHEL
And i’m guessing you don’t have a way for me to reach here.
POST MASTER
Even if did —
RACHEL
Of course.
Sighs.
POST MASTER
I’m guessing that unless she died… Not your mom…
RACHEL
Oh.
WOMAN
Sorry. Eleanor.
RACHEL
Right…
WOMAN
What I mean is…
RACHEL
I understand what you mean. It’s okay.
POST MASTER
She should be… Well… soon. I mean, you saw all the mail in her box.
RACHEL
Okay.
POST MASTER
I was just thinking out loud.
RACHEL
Okay.
POST MASTER
And we have a couple full boxes in the back too. So it’s been a long while.
RACHEL
Right.
At a loss.
Then.
RACHEL
How about I give you my number.
WOMAN
Sure. Yes. Yes. Let’s do that.
RACHEL
And if… Eleanor… comes in to pick up my mom’s mail. Would you mind giving her my number and asking her to call me. I’m Rachel.
Woman hands her a pen and piece of paper.
WOMAN
Here ya go. I can most certainly do that. That’s kosher.
Laughs at her own choice of words.
WOMAN
I’m not jewish. Just —
RACHEL
Don’t worry about it. Thanks.
POST MASTER
You’re welcome. Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.
RACHEL
Nonsense. You’r a life saver. You take care now.
POST MASTER
You too, honey. Good luck.
Rachel leaves.
Almost immediately ELEANOR, 80’s, a short stocky, Jewish woman enters the Post Office.
POST MASTER
Oh my lord have mercy…
Waves to Eleanor.
POST MASTER
Eleanor. Over here. I got you covered. How are you?
Eleanor waves back. Shuffles over.
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, 50’s, meanders about. Peeks into shop windows. Checks out the southern charm of this little town.
She disappears into a coffee shop.
EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee.
Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. It’s Eleanor.
RACHEL
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. You okay?
Shuffles by unscathed. Trudges along.
ELEANOR
Watch wear you’re going young lady.
RACHEL
Sorry. Can I help?
ELEANOR
No.
Calling out, but mostly to herself.
RACHEL
I’m definitely not a young lady. But okay.
Rachel passes back by the Post Office. Looks in the window.
EXT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel loads her goodies.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, in her underwear at the desk sitting with a towel over the chair. finishes another beer. Closes computer.
She navigates getting under the sheets.
RACHEL
Ewwww!
puts her sweat pants on and gets in the bed. Turns on the TV. Changes channels. Reception is terrible. Lands on a channel with static, white noise
EXT. L STOP – DAY
SOUND of train riding the tracks.
Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile.
Buys a pack of smokes at the corner news stand.
Crosses the street.
Suddenly two undercover police officers approach her.
OFFICER #1
Hey. Young lady. Excuse me, what’s your name?
Rachel speeds away from them.
Officer #2 shows his badge.
OFFICER #2
It’s okay. We’re police officers.
Rachel, scopes her escape.
OFFICER #1
Maybe you could help us out. What’s your name?
RACHEL
Mary.
Officer #1 shows her a photo from his pocket.
OFFICER #1
Are you sure?
OFFICER #2
Isn’t there someplace you should be?
RACHEL
Yeah. Work.
OFFICER #1
Why would you lie about your name?
RACHEL
Do you mind? You’re embarrassing me.
Cop #2 takes hold of Rachel’s wrist. She winces.
He drags her toward the squad car.
RACHEL
Come on man.
OFFICER #2
Not takin’ any chances.
RACHEL
Fuck you.
Officer #2 gives Rachel a good yank.
RACHEL
Ow! You’re hurting me you asshole.
OFFICER #2
Then stop resisting.
They arrive at an unmarked police car and shove Rachel into the back seat.
INT. OFFICE, POLICE STATION — LATER
A large sparse office, with fluorescent lighting.
Rachel sits in a chair waiting. The two police officers pace back and forth smoking Rachel’s cigarettes.
RACHEL
Can I have one of my smokes? Please.
OFFICER #1
I don’t think you’re old enough to be smoking young lady.
RACHEL
Fuck you. Those are mine.
OFFICER #2
Excuse me?
Stink eye.
OFFICER #1
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.
The phone buzzes. Officer #2 picks up.
OFFICER #2
Yeah? Alright. I’ll come down.
…No. Just ask her to wait a minute. I’ll be right there.
He hangs up and leaves the office.
OFFICER #1
So why is it you can’t manage to keep your ass at home?
RACHEL
…
OFFICER #1
Cause I see you here again, you won’t be going home to your nice cozy bed.
RACHEL
I have my own home. Thank you very much.
OFFICER #1
I don’t take pleasure in throwing children into lock up. But this shit’s been going on long enough.
Gets up in her face.
OFFICER #1
You’re getting off easy this time. Next time it’s the lock up.
Rachel checks him. Defiant.
RACHEL
Anyplace is better than going home with my mom.
OFFICER #1
Yeah? Well, that’s something you might want to think about real hard. Cause it aint no picnic if that’s what you’re thinkin’.
Phone rings. He picks up.
OFFICER #1
Whitley. Yeah.., Bring her in.
Beth, 31, enters with Officer #2.
Her eyes meet Rachel’s defiant eyes with daggers and disapproval.
EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
Rachel, 50’s, lands into a parking spot.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Takes out the pint.
Grunts.
Puts it back.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel looks around assessing the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone.
Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers.
RECEPTIONIST
Here you go. The room number is at the top of the page.
RACHEL
Thank you.
Rachel checks the different hallways.
RECEPTIONIST
Her room is that way. But you’ll have to come back tomorrow during visiting hours. Everyone’s in bed. Last rounds have been made. Etcetera.
RACHEL
Oh. Bummer.
Backs away from desk.
RACHEL
Thanks again.
RECEPTIONIST
You are welcome. Good night.
RACHEL
Good night. See you tomorrow then.
Receptionist glances up. And back to work.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception.
Rachel 50’s with her guitar, sneaks down the hallway, ducking into the restroom to avoid being seen.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pops out of the restroom. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors until she finds her Mom’s room number.
Takes a deep breath.
Disappears into the room.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel let’s her breath out.
SOUND of machines breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another.
Rachel sees her Mom hooked up to machines.
Paralyzed with shock. Hot tears pour down her face.
Quiet guttural sobs. Tears flying from her face.
Rachel at a loss. Sits in the chair. Stares at her Mom for a long time.
Finally, Rachel forces herself to stop crying.
Steps close to her Mom to get a good look at her.
RACHEL
(whispers)
Mom? Hi Mom? You probably don’t want me here. That’s okay. You can stay sleeping.
Waits.
RACHEL
I came to tell you that Uncle Ben is dead… He’ killed himself… shot himself in the head.
Rachel takes her guitar out of its case and straps it over her shoulder.
She puts her ear up to the door and listens.
Then gets close to her mom.
RACHEL
How bout I sing for you. That ought to wake you up. Or at least make your nose wrinkle. You always hated when I sang. I always thought it was cause I was no good. I thought I’d never sing again. But I like to sing. I’m in a really good band.
Tunes up guitar.
RACHEL
I wrote you a song. Well a lot of them are about you. I guess. But this is my favorite.
Sighs.
RACHEL
I’m nervous and don’t even know if you can hear me. That’s crazy. … Okay. Here goes.
Strums the wrong chord.
RACHEL
Jeez. Come on. You’re not that girl anymore.
Rachel plays and sings softly to her Mom, accompanied by more tears.
Eleanor enters.
Rachel starts.
RACHEL
You scared me.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are over.
RACHEL
I haven’t seen my mom in a really long time.
ELEANOR
She never mentioned having a daughter. And anyways, you can’t be making noise in here. It’s after bed time. // Everyone is asleep.
RACHEL
Wait. I recognize you.
ELEANOR
Yes, you’re the young lady who almost knocked me on my tush the other day.
RACHEL
Thank you for having them call me.
ELEANOR
Like i said, no mention of a daughter.
RACHEL
Do you know my mom? Your’e not the same eleanor I met when I was a kid?
ELEANOR
You need to go. You can come back during visiting hours if you want. It’s up to you. But she won’t even know you’re here. She’s been unconscious a long time.
RACHEL
Is she gonna wake up? Ever?
Eleanor shrugs.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are long over. Dear.
RACHEL
So your’e not the same Eleanor —
Eleanor is gone.
-
Rebecca Jordan’s Act 3, Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3, Lesson 19
What I learned from doing this assignment is to embrace the unknown. I’m at a point where I’m uncertain about what will go where. And how the structure should look from here on to the end. But I’m just filling in the blanks and enjoying writing the dialogue without having to know where I’m going or what will happen.
Turning Point 3:
Beginning: After hearing from the Convalescent Home that her mom is residing there, Rachel finally gets to confront her Mom. Rachel arrives at the home only to find that it’s after visiting hours.
Middle: Rachel sneaks back into the Convalescent home. Finds her Mom in her room hooked up to various machines. Not realizing that her Mom is unconscious, Rachel whispers, tries to wake her up to no avail. Giving up, Rachel plays her guitar softly and sings to her Mom.
End: Until a nurse enters. It’s Eleanor. Rachel recognizes her from the other day and thanks her for having the home notify her of her Mom’s whereabouts. Rachel asks Eleanor if she knows her from her past. Eleanor evades the question. Rachel learns that her Mom has been unconscious for a long time and isn’t expected to wake from her coma. And that “She never mentioned having a daughter.” Eleanor lets Rachel know it’s time to leave. Visiting hours are long over.
EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
Rachel lands into a parking spot.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Takes out the pint of JD.
Grunts.
Puts it back.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel looks around assesses the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone.
Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers.
RECEPTIONIST
Here you go. The room number is at the top of the page.
RACHEL
Thank you.
Rachel peers down the various hallways.
RECEPTIONIST
Her room is that way. But you’ll have to come back tomorrow during visiting hours. Everyone’s in bed. Last rounds have been made. Etcetera.
RACHEL
Oh. Bummer.
Backs away from desk.
RACHEL
Thanks again.
RECEPTIONIST
You are welcome. Good night.
RACHEL
Good night. See you tomorrow then.
Receptionist glances up. And back to work.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception.
Rachel 50’s with her guitar, sneaks down the hallway, ducks into the restroom to avoid being seen.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pops out of the restroom. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors until she finds her Mom’s room number.
Takes a deep breath.
Disappears into the room.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel let’s her breath out.
SOUND of machines breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another.
Rachel sees her Mom hooked up to machines.
Paralyzed with shock. Hot tears pour down her face.
Quiet guttural sobs. Tears flying from her face.
Rachel at a loss. Sits in the chair. Stares at her Mom for a long time.
Finally, Rachel forces herself to stop crying.
Steps close to her Mom to get a good look at her.
RACHEL
(whispers)
Mom? Hi Mom? You probably don’t want me here. That’s okay. You can stay sleeping.
Waits.
RACHEL
I came to tell you that Uncle Ben is dead… He’ killed himself… shot himself in the head.
Rachel takes her guitar out of its case and straps it over her shoulder.
She puts her ear up to the door and listens.
Then gets close to her mom.
RACHEL
How bout I sing for you. That ought to wake you up. Or at least make your nose wrinkle. You always hated when I sang. I always thought it was cause I was no good. I thought I’d never sing again. But I like to sing. I’m in a really good band.
Tunes up guitar.
RACHEL
I wrote you a song. Well a lot of them are about you. I guess. But this is my favorite.
Sighs.
RACHEL
I’m nervous and don’t even know if you can hear me. That’s crazy. … Okay. Here goes.
Strums the wrong chord.
RACHEL
Jeez. Come on. You’re not that girl anymore.
Rachel plays and sings softly to her Mom, accompanied by more tears.
Eleanor enters.
Rachel starts.
RACHEL
You scared me.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are over.
RACHEL
I haven’t seen my mom in a really long time.
ELEANOR
She never mentioned having a daughter. And anyways, you can’t be making noise in here. It’s after bed time. // Everyone is asleep.
RACHEL
Wait. I recognize you.
ELEANOR
Yes, you’re the young lady who almost knocked me on my tush the other day.
RACHEL
Thank you for having them call me.
ELEANOR
Like i said, no mention of a daughter.
RACHEL
Do you know my mom? Your’e not the same eleanor I met when I was a kid?
ELEANOR
You need to go. You can come back during visiting hours if you want. It’s up to you. But she won’t even know you’re here. She’s been unconscious a long time.
RACHEL
Is she gonna wake up? Ever?
Eleanor shrugs.
ELEANOR
Visiting hours are long over. Dear.
RACHEL
So your’e not the same —
Eleanor is gone.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 3, Key Scenes 2 & 3 – Lesson 18
What I learned from doing this assignment. Take breaks. No word smithing. Yet. Speed writing the scenes. Leave structure alone for now. Don’t look back. Forge ahead. The rest will be there waiting. 20%!!!! Things that I have to keep reiterating. Writing dialogue is way more fun when you know where you’re going. For me anyway.
Act 3, Key scenes 2 – Makes a new plan
Beginning: Rachel, after turning the truck around, has been on the road a couple hours headed south to find her mother.
Middle: Rachel stops for food. calls Paul to let him no that she won’t make it for band rehearsal tonight. Paul expresses his feelings. something she must do before she can come home.
End: Rachel inputs her route onto Google maps. Props her phone in its cradle. Finds some music. Has another swig. Takes off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s, 50’s behind the wheel, laughs at her self.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
INT. TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water.
Deep breath.
Calls Paul on speaker.
PAUL
Dare I ask?
RACHEL
I know okay? go ahead. rip me a new one.
PAUL
Rachel…
RACHEL
…
PAUL
Okay. Forget that you won’t make it tonight. obviously. …Are you okay, babe.
Rachel winces, a little.
RACHEL
Yea. Not really. But I will be.
RACHEL
(beat)
I Was on my way but i had to turn around. It’s a long story.
PAUL
Does this have to do with your mom?
RACHEL
Can you guys just please rehearse without me.
PAUL
Rach–
RACHEL
I’ll be ready. You know I will. I’ll need it / after this trip.
PAUL
Trust me. I know you’ll kill it. You always do. I’m worried.
RACHEL
Paul–
PAUL
Take it back. I’m here for you. I want to be there for you. You know.
Sigh.
PAUL
I understand not today. Probably not tomorrow. Just want you to know I’m in your court. You now what i mean.
RACHEL
I do. I need a little more time to get my shit together. Is all. You know i care. Don’t wanted keep tarnishing everything shiny in my life.
PAUL
Awwww. Rach. That’s mushy.
RACHEL
I have to go, dudey. I’ll keep you posted.
PAUL
Check the calendar.
RACHEL
A week tops. Two.
PAUL
Bye.
RACHEL
Bye.
INT. TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, still behind the wheel in the parking lot of convenience store. Pint of JD in hand.
Throws back a mouth full. Rolls a joint for the ride.
Act 3, Key Scenes 3 Things go well until…
Beginning: Rachel, 50’s, arrives at the Post Office. Finds her Mom’s PO Box jammed with mail.
Middle: Rachel talks to the Post Master who knows who her Mom is but hasn’t seen her in a very long time, hence the boxes of mail piled up. The post master claims to know of an older woman, Eleanor, who occasionally drives into town to collect her Mom’s mail. Perhaps she could help
End: Rachel leaves her number with the Post Master in hopes of the older lady coming in to collect the mail.
INT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel enters. Takes in all the PO Boxes lining the walls.
Looks at her paper with the PO box number.
Finds the corresponding box. The box is packed to the gills with mail.
Rachel approaches the woman behind the desk. POST MASTER, 60’s, quirky with a friendly twang.
POST MASTER
Hi. A Good morning to ya!
Amused.
RACHEL
And to you too. I’m looking for the woman who owns this. PO Box.
Shows her the paper with address.
RACHEL
I see the box over there is full. Do you happen to know her? She’s my Mom.
POST MASTER
Sure I know your Mom. Her name is Beth.
RACHEL
Yes. I know. She obviously hasn’t been here in quite some time.
POST MASTER
I have literally tons of her mail stacking up. In the back room.
RACHEL
Yea, I saw her box was full. I was hoping I could take her mail / to her.
POST MASTER
Well we can’t just give it to you before verifying some things first. Protocol.
RACHEL
Right.
POST MASTER
And. Sorry to say. Well I can’t say.
RACHEL
Oh.
POST MASTER
We haven’t seen Beth here in, gosh, only heaven knows.
RACHEL
Hmm. How far back does the mail go?
POST MASTER
Oh golly. Hard to know for sure. A year? Almost.
RACHEL
Holy moly.
POST MASTER
Holy moly is right. I really need to verify that you’re her daughter. It’s a process.
RACHEL
Of course.
Stuck. What next.
POST MASTER
There is a woman.
RACHEL
Yea?
POST MASTER
She’s an older lady. Picks up… your Mom’s… mail ever so often. Her name… is… Oh what’s her name? Shoot. She drives a long ways to get here. That’s probably why it piles up.
RACHEL
Sure.
Blurts out proudly.
POST MASTER
Eleanor! That’s it.
RACHEL
Eleanor?
POST MASTER
Yes Eleanor. I’m sure of it. Nice older woman.
Reflects.
RACHEL
Can’t be the same Eleanor I know from when I was a wee kid.
POST MASTER
She’s pretty old.
RACHEL
And i’m guessing you don’t have a way for me to reach here.
POST MASTER
Even if did…
RACHEL
Of course.
Sighs.
POST MASTER
I’m guessing that unless she died… Not your mom…
RACHEL
Oh.
WOMAN
Sorry. Eleanor.
RACHEL
Right…
WOMAN
What I mean is…
RACHEL
I understand what you mean. It’s okay.
POST MASTER
She should be… Well… soon. I mean, you saw all the mail in her box.
RACHEL
Okay.
POST MASTER
I was just thinking out loud.
RACHEL
Okay.
POST MASTER
And we have a couple full boxes in the back too. So it’s been awhile.
RACHEL
Right.
At a loss.
Then.
RACHEL
How about I give you my number.
WOMAN
Sure. Yes. Yes. Let’s do that.
RACHEL
And if… Eleanor… comes in to pick up my mom’s mail. Would you mind giving her my number and asking her to call me. I’m Rachel.
Woman hands her a pen and piece of paper.
WOMAN
Here ya go. I can most certainly do that. That’s kosher.
Laughs at her own choice of words.
WOMAN
I’m not jewish. Just —
RACHEL
Don’t worry about it. Thanks.
POST MASTER
You’re welcome. Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.
RACHEL
Nonsense. You’r a life saver. Take care.
POST MASTER
You too, honey. Good luck.
Rachel leaves.
Almost immediately ELEANOR, 80’s, a short stocky, Jewish woman enters the Post Office.
WOMAN
Oh my lord have mercy…
Waves to Eleanor.
WOMAN
Hello Eleanor. Over here. I got you covered.
Eleanor waves back. Shuffles over.
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel meanders about. Peeks into shop windows. Checks out the southern charm of this little town.
She disappears into a coffee shop.
EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee.
Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. It’s Eleanor.
RACHEL
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. You okay?
Shuffles by unscathed. Trudges along.
ELEANOR
Watch wear you’re going young lady.
RACHEL
Sorry. Can I help?
ELEANOR
No.
Calling out, but mostly to herself.
RACHEL
I’m definitely not a young lady. But okay.
Rachel passes back by the Post Office. Looks in the window.
-
Rebecca Jordan’s Act 3, Key scene 1 – Reaction/Rethink to Midpoint, Lesson 17
What I learned from doing this assignment is that overthinking and going back at all only confuses me and bogs me down instead of just trusting the process. Allowing the confusion to be there for later while forging ahead keeping it simple 20%. Definitely the way to go. Funny how keeping it moving forward allows everything to fall into place anyway. And it’s easier.
Beginning: Rachel has breakfast with Glen and Sheila, after having crashed her car the night before. Causing her to have to spend the night.
Middle: Glen gives Rachel the old PO Box address where he used to send the rent checks to her Mom, until he started using Zelle. The couple speaks kindly of Rachel’s mom and show her the woodwork she’s done around the house. Rachel inspects the work massaging the grooves.
End: Glen and Sheila have made Rachel a care package for her journey ahead. They drop her at the tow yard and send her off with well wishes. Rachel is genuinely moved and grateful for her new friends.
INT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, cleaned up, hair wet, at the table with Glen and Sheila eating breakfast. Drinking coffee. Glen takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.
GLEN
Hey Rachel. So I wrote down the Post Office Box address where we used to send our rent checks. Before we started using zelle.
SHEILA
That’s been awhile.
Hands it to her.
RACHEL
Oh. Thanks.
SHEILA
Gotta be at least 5, 6 years now.
GLEN
I don’t know if it’ll help. But you can start / there.
RACHEL
No. This is great.
Looks at the paper.
RACHEL
Oh my. That’s quite a ways away.
Hesitant. Put out. Then.
RACHEL
Road trip!
They are up from the table.
GLEN
Well it’ll be an adventure, if nothing else.
RACHEL
I’ll say. I have some calls I don’t want to make. But / la dee da!
SHEILA
You’re mother. I remember that she was nice. And very handy. Right honey.
GLEN
Yes she was.
Sheila points out the ornate wood work on the banister and kitchen cabinets.
SHEILA
Apparently, she did all of this herself.
Rachel runs her fingers along the etchings in the wood.
SHEILA
I remember when we came to look at the house the first time. She had all the big tools out. Saws and drills. A real pro.
GLEN
Pretty impressive.
SHEILA
Are you handy too?
RACHEL
…I guess.
Rachel smiles knowingly to herself.
GLEN
Ah, the branch doesn’t fall far from the tree.
SHEILA
Ba damp bump.
Charmed.
RACHEL
Well, I better get my stuff together. Are you sure you don’t mind giving me a ride?
GLEN
You betcha.
RACHEL
I could get an Uber… Or a cab.
SHEILA
We’ll be going to town anyway.
RACHEL
Okey dokey. I really appreciate it. I’ll be right down.
SHEILA
Take your time, honey. Oh, and we have a little care package for you to take.
Rachel stops.
RACHEL
Oh my goodness. You’re both too kind. You’re so nice.
SHEILA
Just some snacks and drinks for the ride. For your journey.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say —
SHEILA
You don’t have to say anything.
RACHEL
I’m very grateful. Opening your door to a complete stranger. That’s unheard of these days.
GLEN
Happy to do it. Happy to help.
SHEILA
Yes. Come on back through. You’re welcome to our little pit stop. Anytime.
RACHEL
Holy cow.
Rachel hurries up the stairs.
RACHEL
I’ll be right down.
GLEN
No rush.
EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office, carrying her duffel and the care package. She waves vigorously at the nice couple.
Finds her truck.
Glen and Sheila ride off waving back.
-
Rebecca Jordan has completed Act 2, Draft 1, Lesson 16
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have taken on a beast of a story. It’s a very challenging reimagining, structurally. However, it’s funny how it feels like things are inherently landing in the right spot at the right time, in spite of moving back and forth in time. Fingers crossed. But plenty of time to go back later for edits. NO LOOKING BACK!! I’m trying to keep moving forward quickly.
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, on speaker phone waiting. Pacing. Lights a joint. Pours another cup of coffee.
OFFICER
Hi Rachel.
RACHEL
Hi.
OFFICER
So, we did send an officer over to the address you gave us. However, there was nobody there.
RACHEL
Oh.
OFFICER
The officer said he left a note for your Mom. So hopefully you’ll hear from her soon.
RACHEL
Oh. Okay. Great. Thank you so much.
OFFICER
No problem. Let us know if you need anything else. We’re here to help.
RACHEL
Thanks.
OFFICER
You’re very welcome. You have a nice day now. Okay?
RACHEL
You as well. Take care.
OFFICER
You too. Take care.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, just out of the shower, dresses and packs up a bag and her guitar and her computer, etc.
EXT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Loads up the truck and heads into the big barn.
EXT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, in her truck, waves to the farm owners on her way out.
RACHEL
Hey, thanks so much for getting me covered. I owe ya.
They wave back. “No worries.” “Be safe.
RACHEL
I’ll keep ya posted.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – EVENING
Rachel drives. Tired of her thoughts, turns on music loud. Sings.
INT. DAD’S HOUSE IN PR – DAY
1973. Dad, 30, talks to Mom on phone. Rachel, 9, plays with her step siblings. Within earshot.
With a thick Spanish accent..,
DAD
Listen Beth, You put Willy on the plane. I arranged the reservation. And once / I know he’s on the way /
Muffled yelling..,
MOM
That’s absurd. Just send her home.She needs to be ready to start school.
DAD
Once I know from my colleagues, that he’s coming, I can put Rachel on the plane to go home / it’s easy.
Rachel yells toward the phone.
RACHEL
Mom!! Please just let me come home. I’m homesick and I want to come home! Please.
DAD
You see. This is what we’re dealing with, Beth. You’re torturing your daughter. And Willy. He’s not yours. He belongs in Puerto Rico with / la Vieja.
BETH
No G. He belongs with his Mother. He belongs with me. He doesn’t have his / Dad.
DAD
You have the information. Get Willy to the airport, so you can get Rachel back to school with her friends on-time.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, pulls up in front of the house. Then pulls up a little further. Parks. She pull out a pint of Jack.
Looks toward the house. The lights are on. Puts the pint back without drinking.
Finally, Rachel gets out. skulks toward the front door, rings the bell.
GLEN, 60’s, answers the door.
RACHEL
I’m so sorry. Looks like you’re in the middle of dinner.
Turns to leave.
SHEILA
Who is it Glen?
SHEILA, 60’S, joins him.
GLEN
It’s okay. It’s way past our dinner hour. Can we help you?
RACHEL
Well, this is gonna sound strange, but I thought this was my Mom’s house.
The couple look a each other, perplexed.
GLEN
Hm.
RACHEL
I apologize. It’s later than I thought.
She turns to leave again.
SHEILA
Who’s your Mom? We’re renting / from a woman.
RACHEL
Her name is Beth. She goes by Beth.
GLEN
We’ve met her a couple of times. She still owns the house but moved…
RACHEL
Oh.
Tries again to leave.
SHEILA
You’re welcome to come inside. You look tired. You must’ve driven a long way.
Rachel already on her way to car..,
RACHEL
That’s okay. I need to get back home.
GLEN
Maybe we can help you find out where she is.
Rachel at her truck..,
RACHEL
Sorry to bother you.
SHEILA
Well good luck.
Already in. Drives away. The couple waves.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL
Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!
Rachel sees a gas station and pulls in. There is a pub next door.
RACHEL
What the fuck is this place? Really Mom? This was where you lived? You gotta be fucking kidding me. This piece of shit podunk nowhere nothing town. “Where everyone knows your name.” Everyone is so nice. Uck.
EXT. GAS PUMP – CONTINUOUS
Rachel finishes pumping gas. Sees the pub. Checks the time.
EXT. PUB – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pulls up and parks in front of the pub. Just a hand full of cars and trucks.
INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, 50’s, drunk, parties with a GUY, 50’s, at the bar. He gives her a couple of bumps of coke from a key. After throwing back a couple beers and shots, she waves off the man’s advances. Puts her jacket on. He’s belligerent. She flips him off.
RACHEL
Fuck you, asshole!
GUY
Fuck you, you uppity bitch!
She smiles back. Exits.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits in car. smokes a joint. Then drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel’s phone rings. She’s sees it’s her band mate, Paul.
RACHEL
Shit!
Answers. Puts on speaker..,
RACHEL
Hi. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I completely–
PAUL
Missed rehearsal, love. We’re all here waiting.
RACHEL
I had–
PAUL
Well, not anymore. We’re just hanging. And you promised me a dinner date. Remember?
RACHEL
I know. Things are messed up right now.
PAUL
Everthing okay?
RACHEL
Yea. No. Well…
PAUL
It’s alright. We can reschedule. We have gigs coming up.
RACHEL
I know. I’m heading back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.
PAUL
Okay, beautiful…
Rachel uncomfortable..,
PAUL
You sound a little fucked up. Maybe shouldn’t be driving. Need a ride?
RACHEL
No. I’m okay. I’ll pull over for a bit. I’m a good three hours out.
PAUL
Ouch! Well get some shut eye. We’ll talk tomorrow.
RACHEL
Yea. Bye.
PAUL
Later.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, distracted, looks for lighter, crashes the car into a light post.
EXT. ROADSIDE – NIGHT
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,
TOW GUY
You’ve obviously been doing some partying.
Under her breath..,
RACHEL
Like that’s any of your business.
TOW GUY
Excuse me? I should report you to the cops. Leave you here and let them pick you up.
RACHEL
Really? Come on. Jesus.
TOW GUY
Sleep it off at the station.
INT. TOW TRUCK – NIGHT
Tow Guy drives with Rachel in the passenger seat. Silence.
He pulls up to the nice couple’s/Mom’s house. Waits for her to get out.
RACHEL
Thanks.
He ignores her.
Exits truck. Slams door.
EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Apprehensive, Rachel walks toward the house. Stops. Looks back and flips Tow Guy the bird.
Tow Guy, same to you, and drives off.
Rachel rings the bell.
TURNING POINT 2: MIDPOINT
INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas and robes, set Rachel up in guest room. Sheila brings towels, etc.
SHEILA
Here ya go. Make yourself at home.
RACHEL
This is so embarrassing.
SHEILA
Don’t worry honey. Get some rest.
Glen and Sheila are perplexed. They avoid asking questions.
GLEN
Help yourself to the kitchen. If you need something to drink or if you’re hungry. Lots of left overs in the fridge.
RACHEL
You’re both so nice.
SHEILA
Bathrooms right down the hall. Help yourself to a shower.
RACHEL
You don’t even know me.
SHEILA
We’ll have a nice breakfast waiting for you when you wake up. Just come on down whenever you’re ready.
GLEN
You won’t be able to resist. Sheila here is a great cook. Just follow your nose.
Sheila waves him off with modesty.
SHEILA
Alright, honey. Sleep well. Let us know if you need anything. We’re right down the hall there.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say.
GLEN
That’s alright. We can talk tomorrow.
RACHEL
Thank you so much.
They leave her.
RACHEL
Good night.
SHEILA AND GLEN
Nighty-night.
Rachel watches them go. Closes the door.
INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel gets into sweats and t-shirt.
She sits on the bed. Opens her computer.
She gets back up. Finds the weed in her bag. On second thought, wraps it up in a sock and buries it deep into her duffle bag.
Back on the bed. She types.
EXT. STREET — EVENING
1977. Rachel, 13 yrs. old, average looking, brown hair with brown eyes, briskly crosses the street.
Heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings, Rachel stops in front of a doorway.
She spits into the tissue she’s just pulled from her purse, quickly rubs the makeup from her face with it, then pops a piece of gum in her mouth.
INT. BROWN STONE – HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS
Rachel skulks down the dark hallway toward her bedroom door.
Voices come from the dimly lit dining room at the end of the hall.
Just as Rachel ducks into her room.., Beth, 31, enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono.
BETH
You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark. RACHEL Ppphhh! Sorry.
Rachel avoids looking at her Mom.
From the doorway..,
BETH
What do I have to do to get you to obey my rules.
RACHEL
Since when?
BETH
He does not understand this kind of behavior. Children in Japan do not stay out all night. It’s unheard of..,
RACHEL
Well, we’re not in Japan. Are we?
BETH
Hurry up and wash your face and come to dinner. You stink like smoke. It’s disgusting.
INT. BROWN STONE, DINING ROOM — MOMENTS LATER
At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese stepfather, athletic build, watch disapprovingly as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.
BETH
Nani? Rice u wa deska, kurasai?
MASA
Hai.
BETH
Hai, hai. Dozo.
Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice. She has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.
Masa pounds on the table.
MASA
Nan deo!
RACHEL
What?! I don’t like water chestnuts.
MASA
You eat ya food da way ya mada make it. Don’t insult ha.
BETH
It’s an insult to dirty your rice.
RACHEL
I don’t like it plain. It tastes like paper.
BETH
I don’t care Rachel.
RACHEL
At least i didn’t put ketchup on it.
BETH
You don’t dirty the rice. It’s disrespectful.
RACHEL
Says who?
BETH
In Japan, it’s / disrespectful.
RACHEL
This isn’t Japan. Is it?
MASA
Hontoni Wwwa!!!
Beth gives Masa the go ahead.
BETH
I give up.
Suddenly, Masa’s arm swings across the table back hands Rachel across the face.
She flies from her chair and lands on the floor.
Screaming..,
RACHEL
Fuck you! You mother fucker! You have no right! You’re not my Dad. And I can get you in so much trouble for that.
BETH
Oh stop it. Go to your room.
Rachel runs to her room still screaming..,
RACHEL
I fucking hate your guts. You’re fucking phony. Trying to make him think you’re some kind of goody two shoes. Wearing that stupid outfit.
BETH
I mean it Rachel. Don’t humiliate me.
RACHEL
Since when do you care where I am or what I’m doing? You were never even home before. I hate you! You make me sick.
Silence. Then..,
RACHEL
You’re so fucking phony! “Hai hai. Ano ne. So deskua”.
Rachel slams her bedroom door.
Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Pushes her way into the room.
RACHEL
Get out of here. I hate you.
Blood curdling screams.
RACHEL
Stop. Stop. Leave me alone.
More screams, crying. Cracking of the whip in sink with..,
BETH
You. Have to. Obey my. Orders!
RACHEL
Stop. Please leave me alone.
Masa gets up from table.
MASA
Beth! Come on!
Walks down the all.
INT. HOME – BEDROOM — LATER
Rachel, fully dressed, shoves clothes into a bag.
INT. HOME – HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS
The bedroom door opens and Rachel’s head peaks out. She looks toward both ends of the house.
The lights are dim. It’s quiet.
She slips into the hallway, pulls the door shut, and tip toes toward the kitchen. Then quietly slips out the back door.
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, wakes up with open computer lying next to her. She digs in her duffel bag for her weed but again resists the urge.
She sits on the bed and reads what she’s written.
Gets under the covers. Closes her computer.
INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT
CARLEE, 40, eccentric, Stew’s mom, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. smoking a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.
Carlee stubs out the joint. She is agitated.
CARLEE
Stew?
She saunters down the hall, stops in front of Stew’s bedroom door. She listens for a moment.
Knocks.
CARLEE
Stew?! Tell Rachel to go home now.., I want her to go home.
INT. STEW’S BEDROOM — CONTINUOUS
Stew’s room is the party pad with a couch and coffee table in the center of the room. Killer stereo.
Stew, 15, and Rachel,13 sleep entwined on the twin mattress on the floor.
More knocking startles them both from sleep.
CARLEE
Stew! Come on. I know you can hear me. I can hear your music in there. Tell Rachel she has to go home now.
STEW
Now?! It’s.., What time is it?
CARLEE
Just Tell Her To Go Home.
Now Stew! Come On!!
STEW
It’s 2:30 in the morning Mother.
CARLEE
I don’t care. Come on you guys.
STEW
Where is she supposed to go? And how is she supposed to —
INT. HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS
CARLEE I DON’T CARE STEW. HOME. SHE’S GONNA EVENTUALLY ANYWAY.
TELL HER TO GO HAVE TO GO HOME
(MORE)
CARLEE
Rachel honey, come on, go home now.
Just do it. Please.
STEW
It’s the middle of the night, Mother.
Are you insane? You said she could stay here for a while.
CARLEE
I don’t care Stew. I changed mind. Okay? Come On tell her to go home.
INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL
Just Fuck it man. I’m going Carlee. Relax.
CARLEE
Oh don’t tell me to relax you little bitch. Go home now. Come On.
RACHEL
What the fuck is her problem?
STEW
(whispering)
I take it flavor of the week booked on her.
RACHEL
He never even showed up. That’s why she’s pissed.
Rachel, is up. Dressing and shoving her stuff into a bag.
RACHEL
If she’s miserable, everyone else has to be miserable. Grow up bitch.
Carlee back at the door.
CARLEE
Oh yes, and why don’t you grow up?
RACHEL (sotto.)
Maybe because I’m thirteen.
CARLEE
Please. Go home now. It’s about time. Just talk to your mother and figure it out. You can’t stay here forever.
RACHEL
So I get to suffer cause she didn’t get laid?
CARLEE
I can hear you little brats. Come On Rachel. Just go. Now Stew. Please. Tell her to leave. She’s gonna have to go home.
STEW
Relax Mother. Please. She’s getting her things together.
CARLEE
Fine. Just hurry up.
RACHEL
This is bullshit.
STEW
Sorry babe.
RACHEL
She’s like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.
Stew wraps his arms around Rachel, but she pulls away.
She sits on the couch, lights a cigarette and puts her shoes on. Gathers her things. Then hits the bong.
Rachel sits. When she is finished, she stubs out her smoke. Stew hands her a flannel button down jacket.
RACHEL
Thanks.
CARLEE
Come on you guys.
RACHEL (sotto.)
God!!!
STEW (whispering)
Do you wanna sleep down stairs. In the locker?
Rachel glares at Stew.
STEW
Forget it. Come here.
Stew pulls Rachel toward him and holds her in his arms.
STEW
What do you want to do?
Rachel shrugs.
STEW
Do you want to go home?
She pulls away.
Stew pulls her back in.
STEW
Okay. I’m sorry. What then? Hmm?
RACHEL (defensively.)
I don’t know.
Rachel sits. takes another bong. She picks up the classified adds and shoves them in her bag. Then gathers the rest of her stuff.
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks down the hallway and turns into the kitchen. Stew follows her.
Carlee is in her room at the other end of the hall smoking a joint and singing to herself while doing a silly dance with big sashay moves.
INT. KITCHEN — CONTINUOUS
Rachel and Stew exit out the backdoor.
INT. STAIRWAY — CONTINUOUS
Rachel heads down the stairs. stops and looks up at Stew.
STEW
Where ya gonna go?
She shrugs and takes off quickly down the stairs.
EXT. STEW’S APT BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel looks up at Stew who sits in the window watching her. He waves.
She turns and slowly walks away carrying her bags over her shoulder.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks down a street. Peers into doorways of apartment buildings.
She walks up to a door and turns the handle. It’s locked.
She tries a couple more until finally, one opens. She slips inside.
INT. FOYER OF APARTMENT BLDG – CONTINUOUS
Rachel piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow. She curls up. tries to get comfortable and as concealed as possible. Her eyes are bloodshot, pupils dilated.
INT. FOYER OF APARTMENT BLDG. – DAWN
Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.
The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.
Rachel jolts awake.
The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.
Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.
EXT. OUTSIDE APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.
A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street.
Rachel walks, uncertain of where to go.
EXT. BEACH – CONTINUOUS
The sun rises over the lake.
Rachel crosses the street toward the beach. She stops in the sand and looks out at the lake.
Then, Rachel turns back. Sizes up the house on the corner. Walks toward the house. Crosses the street and disappears into the hedges that line the lawn.
EXT. IN THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS
Rachel finds a small concealed clearing on the grass between some hedges. stops. Piles up her things to make a pillow. And curls up in a tight ball to get warm.
Rachel digs into the side pocket of a bag and pulls out a little pipe and some matches. She pulls off the piece of cardboard covering the bowl, takes a big hit of pot, puts it away, then curls back up.
she exhales the smoke. Dew drops glisten on blades of grass. Her eyes are sad vacant.
INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, wakes up. Shuns from the bright like. She’s hungover. Takes a drink of water from the bottle in her bag.
Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. Finds the rolled up sock. Takes a little bump from last nights packet.
Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
INT. SHOWER – CONTINUOUS
Rachel showers.
INT. STEW’S KITCHEN – MORNING
1977. Rachel peeks her head in. listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops at the threshold. peers down the long hallway.
Once certain that nobody’s home, Rachel quickly moves down the hall and disappears into the bathroom.
The SOUND of the shower being turned on.
INT. DINER – MORNING
Rachel sits at a table near the window. She is dressed nice. Wears make-up.
Rachel studies the want ads. Several ads have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. She circles a couple more then stubs out her cigarette in the already full ashtray.
A WAITRESS, 50’s and surly, approaches the table carrying a coffee pot.
WAITRESS
More coffee?
RACHEL Sure. Thanks.
WAITRESS
Honey, sorry, but are you gonna be eating?
Rachel looks up from the paper..,
RACHEL
What.., Oh, sorry. What?
WAITRESS
Will you be ordering food?
RACHEL
No. But I’ll be gone in a few minutes. I’m just waiting for a ride.
WAITRESS
Uh-huh.
RACHEL
Seriously. I’ll leave you a good tip. I promise. Waitress turns to leave.
RACHEL
Wait. Can I please just have a little more coffee?
Waitress comes back and begrudgingly pours some more coffee into Rachel’s cup.
INT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, cleaned up, hair wet, at the table with Glen and Sheila eating breakfast. Glen takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.
GLEN
Hey Rachel. So I wrote down the Post Office Box address where I send our rent checks.
Hands it to her.
RACHEL
Oh my God. That’s awesome. Thank you.
GLEN
I don’t know if it’ll help. But you can start / there.
RACHEL
No. This is great.
Looks at the paper.
RACHEL
Oh my. That’s quite a ways away.
GLEN
Indeed.
Sardonic. Hesitant. Put out. Rachel tries..,
RACHEL
Road trip!
GLEN
Well it’ll be an adventure, if nothing else.
RACHEL
I’ll say. I’ll have to figure out my schedule…
SHEILA
You’re mother. I remember that she was nice. And very handy. Right honey.
GLEN
Yes she was. More so than I could ever be.
Sheila points out ornate wood work and kitchen cabinets.
SHEILA
Apparently, she did all of this herself.
RACHEL
Doesn’t surprise me.
SHEILA
I remember when we came to look at the house the first time. She had all the big tools out. Saws and drills.
GLEN
Pretty impressive.
Rachel smiles knowingly to herself. Gets up.
RACHEL
Well, I better get my stuff together. Are you sure you don’t mind giving me a ride.
GLEN
Sure no problem.
SHEILA
We need to go into town anyway.
RACHEL
Okay. I really appreciate it. I’ll be right down.
SHEILA
Take your time, honey. Oh, and we have a little care package her for you to take.
RACHEL
Oh my goodness. You’re both so kind. Too kind.
SHEILA
It’s no big deal. Just some snacks and drinks for the ride.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say.
SHEILA
You don’t have to say anything.
GLEN
Really. It’s our pleasure.
RACHEL
Well. I don’t know how to thank you.
EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office, carrying her duffel and the care package. She waves graciously at the nice couple. They drive off. She finds her truck and loads up.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 2 Turning Point, Midpoint:
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it gets easier to fill in the gaps with each act. Also that by now, things are making sense and there is hope now.
Beginning: With nowhere to go, Rachel winds up back at the nice couple’s/mom’s house. She humbly accepts their invitation to come in and spend the night.
Middle: The next morning, Rachel has breakfast with the kind couple. The man gives Rachel a PO Box address where he sends the rent checks. Rachel unexpectedly feels excited and curious. Up to the challenge of finding her Mom. The couple give Rachel a care package with snack and drinks for her journey. There’s no turning back. She thanks them graciously.
End: Glen and Sheila drive Rachel to the tow yard. These people have made Rachel see a new way. She waves to them. Loads up and takes off on her new journey.
____________________
INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas and robes, set Rachel up in guest room. Sheila brings towels, etc.
SHEILA
Here ya go. Make yourself at home.
RACHEL
This is so embarrassing.
SHEILA
Don’t worry honey. Get some rest.
Glen and Sheila are perplexed. They avoid asking questions.
GLEN
Help yourself to the kitchen. If you need something to drink or if you’re hungry. Lots of left overs in the fridge.
RACHEL
You’re both so nice.
SHEILA
Bathrooms right down the hall. Help yourself to a shower.
RACHEL
You don’t even know me.
SHEILA
We’ll have a nice breakfast waiting for you when you wake up. Just come on down whenever you’re ready.
GLEN
You won’t be able to resist. Sheila here is a great cook. Just follow your nose.
Sheila waves him off with modesty.
SHEILA
Alright, honey. Sleep well. Let us know if you need anything. We’re right down the hall there.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say.
GLEN
That’s alright. We can talk tomorrow.
RACHEL
Thank you so much.
They leave her.
RACHEL
Good night.
SHEILA AND GLEN
Nighty-night.
Rachel watches them go. Closes the door.
INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel changes into sweats and t-shirt.
She sits on the bed. Opens her computer.
She gets back up. Finds the weed in her bag. On second thought, wraps it up in a sock and buries it deep into her duffle bag.
Back on the bed. She types.
PLACEHOLDER: (1977 SCENES)
INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel wakes up with open computer lying next to her. She digs in her duffel bag for her weed but again resists the urge.
She sits on the bed and reads what she’s written.
Turns off the light. Gets under the covers.
PLACEHOLDER: (1977 SCENES CONTINUED)
INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Rachel wakes up. Shuns from the bright like. She’s hungover. Takes a drink of water from the bottle in her bag.
Looks in the mirror. Finds the rolled up sock. Takes a little bump from last nights packet.
Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, cleaned up, hair wet, at the table with Glen and Sheila eating breakfast. Glen takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.
GLEN
Hey Rachel. So I wrote down the Post Office Box address where I send our rent checks.
Hands it to her.
RACHEL
Oh my God. That’s awesome. Thank you.
GLEN
I don’t know if it’ll help. But you can start / there.
RACHEL
No. This is great.
Looks at the paper.
RACHEL
Oh my. That’s quite a ways away.
GLEN
Indeed.
Sardonic. Hesitant. Put out. Rachel tries..,
RACHEL
Road trip!
GLEN
Well it’ll be an adventure, if nothing else.
RACHEL
I’ll say. I’ll have to figure out my schedule…
SHEILA
Your mother. I remember that she was nice. And very handy. Right honey.
GLEN
Yes she was. More so than I could ever be.
Sheila points out ornate wood work and kitchen cabinets.
SHEILA
Apparently, she did all of this herself.
RACHEL
Doesn’t surprise me.
SHEILA
I remember when we came to look at the house the first time. She had all the big tools out. Saws and drills.
GLEN
Pretty impressive.
Rachel smiles at them knowingly. Gets up.
RACHEL
Well, I better get my stuff together. Are you sure you don’t mind giving me a ride.
GLEN
Sure no problem.
SHEILA
We need to go into town anyway.
RACHEL
Okay. I really appreciate it. I’ll be right down.
SHEILA
Take your time, honey. Oh, and we have a little care package her for you to take.
RACHEL
Oh my goodness. You’re both so kind. Too kind.
SHEILA
It’s no big deal. Just some snacks and drinks for the ride.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say.
SHEILA
You don’t have to say anything.
GLEN
Really. It’s our pleasure.
RACHEL
Well. I don’t know how to thank you.
EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office, carrying her duffel and the care package. She waves graciously at the nice couple. They drive off. She finds her truck and loads up.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s 50’s, drives. She turns on the music.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 2 Middle Scenes.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that though I am writing a very complicated screenplay that moves back and forth in time, it’s making sense and beginning to gel. Thank goodness for this formula as it keeps things moving and instead of wanting to throw my hands in the air, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Also, this being a huge rewrite from a totally different perspective, it being about 25 years later, I am really enjoying myself and looking forward to its outcome.
Key Scene 2: The protagonist’s plan and execution:
Beginning: Frustrated, Rachel sets out to find her mom. She drives to the little town where she thinks she’ll find her mom.
Middle: When she arrives at the house, a stranger answers the door. A nice couple is renting the house. Seeing how distraught and messed up Rachel is, they invite her in.
End: But embarrassed and humiliated, she leaves.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, just out of the shower, dresses and packs up a bag, her guitar and her computer, etc.
EXT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Loads up the truck and heads into the big barn.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – EVENING
Rachel drives. Tired of her thoughts, turns on music loud. Sings.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, pulls up in front of the house, parks. The lights are on. Finally, she gets out and of the car and walks to the front door, rings the bell. A MAN, 60’s, answers the door.
RACHEL
I’m so sorry it’s late.
Turns to leave.
WOMAN
Who is it Glen.
WOMAN, 60’S, joins him.
MAN
It’s okay. How can we help you?
RACHEL
Well, this is gonna sound strange, but I thought this was my Mom’s house. I’m so sorry.
She turns to leave again.
WOMAN
Who’s your Mom? We are renting–
RACHEL
Her name is B–
MAN
Yes. We’ve met her. She owns the house but moved. South I believe.
RACHEL
Oh. I’m sorry to bother you so late.
Tries again to leave.
WOMAN
You’re welcome to come inside. You look tired. You must’ve driven a long way.
Rachel already on her way to car..,
RACHEL
That’s okay. I need to get back home.
MAN
Maybe we can make some calls–
Rachel at her truck..,
RACHEL
Sorry to bother you so late.
Already in and driving away. The couple waves.
______________________________________
Key Scene 3: Not only does Rachel’s plan fail, but…
Beginning: Rachel drives around criticizing the town’s podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets gas. Sees a pub. After beers, shots, bumps and getting hit on, she leaves.
Middle: Rachel heading home, gets a call from her band mate asking where she is. She’s missed rehearsal. Rachel apologizes and says she’s on her way back now. She’s fucked up and emotional, filled with self loathing.
End: Rachel distracted, looking for a lighter, looses control of the car and crashes. She waits for the tow truck guy who criticizes her for being trashed and threatens to call the cops.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL
Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!
Rachel sees a gas station and pulls in. There is a pub next door.
RACHEL
What the fuck is this place? Really Mom? This is where you lived? You gotta be fucking kidding me. This piece of shit podunk nowhere nothing town. “Where everyone knows your name.” Everyone is so nice. Polite. Uck.
EXT. GAS PUMP – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pumping gas. Sees the pub.
EXT. PUB – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pulls up and parks in front of the pub. Just a hand full of cars and trucks.
INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, 50’s, drunk, parties with a GUY, 50’s, at the bar. He gives her a couple of bumps of coke from a key. After throwing back beers and shots, she waves off the man’s advances. Puts her jacket on. He’s belligerent. She flips him off.
RACHEL
Fuck you, asshole!
GUY
Fuck you, you uppity bitch!
She smiles back. Exits.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits in car smoking a joint. Then drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel’s phone rings. She’s sees its her band mate, Paul.
RACHEL
Shit!
Answers. Puts on speaker..,
RACHEL
Hi. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I completely–
PAUL
Missed rehearsal, love. We’re all here waiting.
RACHEL
I had–
PAUL
Well, not anymore. And you promised me a dinner date.
RACHEL
I know. Things are messed up right now. I had an emergency.
PAUL
Everything okay?
RACHEL
Yea. No. Well…
PAUL
It’s alright. We can reschedule. We have gigs coming up, so – –
RACHEL
I know. I’m heading back home now. I’ll call you tomorrow.
PAUL
Okay, beautiful…
Rachel uncomfortable..,
PAUL
You sound a little fucked up. Maybe shouldn’t be driving? Need a ride?
RACHEL
No. I’m okay. I’ll pull over for a bit. I’m a good three hours out.
PAUL
Ouch! Well get some shut eye. We’ll talk tomorrow.
RACHEL
Yea. Bye.
PAUL
Later.
(INSERT SCENE, 1977)
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel 50’s, distracted looks for lighter, crashes the car into light post.
EXT. ROADSIDE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. Tow guy hooks her truck up to his rig while criticizing her for driving all fucked up. Claims he should call the cops to pick her up. She’s snarky at first.
INT. TOW TRUCK – NIGHT
Silence. Tow truck driver drives with Rachel in the passenger seat. He pulls up to the nice couple’s/Mom’s house. And waits for her to get out.
RACHEL
Thanks.
Exits truck. Slams door.
EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Rachel walks toward the house, looks back and flips him the bird. Same to you and drives off. She rings the bell.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Reaction to Turning Point 1, Lesson 13
What I learned from this assignment is that it gets easier to move faster once you know the game. Plus, I was lucky and had mistakenly moved this scene into act 1, so it was already done. And it’s a little more of a fun scene.
Beginning: After calling the police department and asking them to go to her Mom’s house to deliver her phone number and have her Mom call, Rachel gets dressed up sexy and goes to the pub to tie one on.
Middle: Rachel meets and parties with Buck at the pub, a farmer/cowboy and brings him back to her place where they have sex and pass out. He spends the night.
End: Next morning, Rachel, cold and rude, kicks Buck out with a cup of coffee to go.
_______________________________
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel has changed into something sexy. Looks into a mirror. Finishes putting make up on and fixes her hair.
She throws back the rest of a scotch. Puts her boots on and grabs her jacket.
Leaves.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, at the bar drinking beer and doing shots with Buck, 50, a handsome farmer. They’re drunk. Having a good time. Music on the juke box.
Rachel pays her buddy behind the bar. And waves.
Leaves with Buck.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel and Buck have drunk sex in the loft.
INT. SMALL BARN, LOFT – MORNING
Rachel, a hung over mess, dresses. Sees Buck passed out in the bed. Ugh!
RACHEL
Buck. Buck, is that even your real name? Hey Dude, you gotta get up. It’s late.
Grumbles… Rolls over.
BUCK
Good morning to you, wild one. Come on back to bed. Let’s get busy.
RACHEL
No man. You gotta get up. I have work to do. Come on let’s go. You need to go.
BUCK
How bout some breakfast. I can make a mean omelet.
RACHEL
Yea, well I have an empty fridge and a lot of work to do. Get up
BUCK
Let’s go to the diner. My treat.
RACHEL
Yeah, no. I’m sure I’ll see you at the bar.
BUCK
Okay. Jeez woman. You’re one piece of work.
RACHEL
Yea, I know. Hot cold.
BUCK
Cup of coffee?
RACHEL
No.
BUCK
To go.
RACHEL
Alright. Enough. I’m sure I’ll see ya round at the pub, cowboy. Up up up!
Rachel’s already down the ladder. Makes coffee. Looks at story board and finds a beautiful picture of her Mom. Stares at it a long time.
Makes two cups of coffee. One to go.
Buck finally comes down disheveled still buttoning up. Notices the artwork.
BUCK
Dang, you sure have a dark side.
Rachel hands him a coffee. Walks to the door and holds hit open for him.
BUCK
Aw, and a sweet side too.
She smiles for the first time. Sardonic.
BUCK
There it is. Charming.
RACHEL
Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.
BUCK
Funny too. Later sexy.
RACHEL
Don’t hold your breath.
He grins at her. Rachel closes the door after him.
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Rebecca Jordan’s finished Act 1, Lesson 12
What I learned from this assignment that it can be done. And quickly. I’m getting faster and better at leaving things be as they are. Need some work. However, having put all the pieces together in this fashion really has set up the story so that dialogue, whether bad or good, can really flow. I’m also becoming a faster typer. Here we go. Ready to jump into Act 2!! Grateful!
__________ACT 1__________
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
Rock Concert. RACHEL, 50’s, sings Rebels, Tom Petty for their final encore. The band finishes up. Crowd cheers. THE BAND walks off the stage waving to the crowd.
EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS
The band loads out their gear. Pop open beers from the cooler. Various: “Great show everyone.” “Awesome.” Rachel grabs a beer. Packs up her gig bag. A bandmate, 50’s, tall attractive.
BAND MATE
Hey Rach, you coming to the after party?
RACHEL
Mmmmmmm, please don’t tempt me.
BAND MATE
Just come for a while.
RACHEL
Yea right. You know me.
BAND MATE
Come on let’s hang.
RACHEL
Man! You know how i am. Once I get started…
BAND MATE
Come hang with me.
RACHEL
Promised myself I’d get some work done tonight. I’m really behind.
BAND MATE
Ah! Yes. That dang “Novel”…
RACHEL
Yes, that dang fucking “Novel”. Feels more like a tome. Next one, okay.
BAND MATE
Alrighty. You can tell me all about the book.
RACHEL
Yea.
BAND MATE
You don’t know what you’re missing.
RACHEL
Pretty sure I do, actually.
BAND MATE
Ha! Touche.
RACHEL
Later. Have fun for me.
BAND MATE
Later.
Rachel walks to her truck. Loads up. Finishes her beer and takes off waving to her band mates.
RACHEL
Don’t have too much fun with out me, fuckers!
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel drives. Deep in thought.
EXT. FARM ARENA – DAY
1974 – Rachel,10. Riding horse, practicing barrel racing techniques. HILLARY, late 20’s, tall and beautiful, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
INT. FARM ARENA – DAY/EVENING
1974. Rachel , 10, rides horse English style, with friends. They practice jumping. The kids are older and cue Rachel from the other side while passing a joint. Someone offers her a joint. She takes it but not sure what to do with it. They teach her to smoke and head out for a trail ride.
EXT. FARM, HOUSE YARD – MORNING
CLIFF, late 40’s Hillary’s much older husband; the epitome of an old school handsome cowboy. He and Rachel laugh heartily chasing and catching ducks outside the chicken coup.
INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cliff and Hillary at the dinner table.
CLIFF
Hey, how do ya like the duck, Rachel?
Rachel stops chewing, upset, she spits what’s in her mouth. They laugh. It’s not funny.
INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shows them her drawings of the horses.
HILLARY
Those are really good, Rachel.
CLIFF
They sure are. Can I have one of those. We’ll put it in a frame and hang it with the rest.
RACHEL
Sure. Here.
CLIFF
Thank you dear.
RACHEL
Sure.
HILLARY
You know your Mom and your Uncle Ben are both really good sketch artists. Have you seen your Uncle’s drawings.
RACHEL
Yea. He’s really good. There’s one he’s promised to give me when I grow up. The one with the soldiers from when he was in the service with my Dad. It’s a colored pencil drawing.
HILLARY
I’ve seen that one. It’s really good.
RACHEL
Yea.
HILLARY
Well those are really good, Rachel. You must have gotten their talent.
RACHEL
Thanks.
EXT. ANOTHER FARM – NIGHT
Present day. Rachel 50’s turns onto a long road that opens up to a medium sized farm with several barns and a much larger main house. She pulls up and parks her truck next to the smallest barn. Unloads the truck.
INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
There are eight horses in their stalls, four on each side. They winnie with excitement to see Rachel. She now wears a plaid button down jacket and boots.
Rachel feeds and tops off their waters.
RACHEL
How’s my big boy. Yes, I love you. And you, miss thing, how are you? Babies coming soon. So exciting.
She says hi to all and gives some love. Turns out the lights.
RACHEL
Nighty night my loves. See you in the morning.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
The barn is artsy and modest, but is nicely remodeled with an upscale DIY look. Rachel’s paintings are strategically hung with some in process on easels. The bedroom is high up in the loft.
Rachel stares at her computer.
Gets up and pours herself a Scotch and takes a hit of weed.
She looks through a box of photos where photos are strewn about, some taped to the wall. She finds some old pictures of a farm with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. A picture of Hillary and Cliff with her.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
1974. Hillary and Rachel approach an apartment door. Rachel pulls her keys out.
The elevator door opens from down the hall. MOM, 28, petite blonde, with a tall lanky uniformed door man, 50’s, who rolls her in his desk chair toward the door. Her leg in a giant cast stretched all the way out in front of her.
HILLARY
Good Lord B! You didn’t mention the broken leg. What the heck?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Mom, waves and quickly runs into the apartment.
MOM
Hi Honey!
Rachel runs crying into her room and shuts the door.
MOM
Aren’t you gonna say hi to your ole’ mom?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
HILLARY
I think the cast is a little scary for her. You could’ve given her a heads up, B. jeez.
MOM
Nonsense! She’s always so emotional.
HILLARY
B, she’s a kid. She hasn’t seen you in a long time. Like tow months. I think.
MOM
It’s not that long. She’s fine.
Earl helps Mom off the chair and onto the couch. Leaves her things on the table.
EARL
Okay Miss B. You take care now. Let me know if you need anything.
MOM
Thank you Earl. Wouldn’t have made it up with out you.
Earl waves and leaves.
HILLARY
Bye Earl. Take care.
EARL
You too Dear.
MOM
Oh, hand me my bag would ya? I’ll show you the self portraits I drew. That was my therapy in the hospital.
Hillary hands her the bag.
MOM
Rachel, come on out here honey. Wanna show you something.
Mom shows Hillary her drawings. They are dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with a black marker. Rachel comes out of room hesitantly. She stands close to Hillary.
MOM
Don’t I get a hug?
Rachel, sheepishly goes to hug Mom and sits down next to her. She is sad.
MOM
Smile honey. You look miserable.
Rachel looks at Hillary. Tries to smile.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel 50’s at the story board, moves pics around. Gives up. Sits. Smokes. Drinks. Closes her eyes, drifts off.
INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY
1972. Rachel, 8, and Mom, 26 exit the walkway from the plane. Rachel’s DAD, 28, Puerto Rican, handsome, in a suit, wears security tags that represent the airline.
He waves, excited to see them.
RACHEL
Mom, which uncle is that?
MOM
That’s your Dad honey.
INT. ORD AIRPORT – DAY
1972. Mom walks Rachel to the gate to see her off.
MOM
It’ll be fun. You’ll meet your Aunt Rachel. She’s really funny. And she’s your Dad’s favorite sister.
MOM
She has three kids. I think her son is a little older than you. And her youngest daughter is a younger. You’ll get to go to the beach. It’ll be good to get to know some of your family.
RACHEL
I guess.
MOM
I’ll be right her when you get back waiting for you.
The boarding announcements over the intercom announce.
MOM
Okay honey. That’s you. Remember be polite. You get to sit in first class since your Dad works for the airline. And he knows all the stewardesses, so they’ll take good care of you.
RACHEL
Okay. Bye.
MOM
Okay bye honey. Love you.
RACHEL
Love you too.
Rachel walks enters the walkway. Looks back to wave. Mom waves back.
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, in the same sweats and t-shirt, passed out on the couch.
Phone rings. She come to slowly, has a bad hangover. Answers, puts on speaker. Goes to the kitchen area, makes coffee.
It’s Aunt NINA, 30’s, talking way too loud. Rachel turns the volume down.
AUNT NINA
Hello. I have bad news.
RACHEL
Oh no.
AUNT NINA
It’s your Uncle Ben. He’s gone.
RACHEL
…
AUNT NINA
He’s dead, Rachel.
RACHEL
Oh no.
AUNT NINA
I know. It’s horrible Rachel.
RACHEL
What happened?
AUNT NINA
It’s shocking. Everyone’s a mess. He shot himself in the head.
RACHEL
…
AUNT NINA
It’s so sad.
RACHEL
I don’t know what to say.
AUNT NINA
I know.
RACHEL
What happened?
Apparently, he got up in the middle of the night and went out to the garage and propped up the rifle and shot himself in the head.
RACHEL
Oh my god! Why?
AUNT NINA
It’s horrible. T is in shock. You should call her. Maybe wait a few days.
RACHEL
I can’t fucking believe this.
AUNT NINA
Do you know where your Mother is?
RACHEL
No. I still haven’t talked to her. or heard from her. other than the yearly birthday email. “Hi Rachel, happy birthday, love mom.” That’s it.
AUNT NINA
Jesus. She’s such an asshole.
RACHEL
It’s been at least 15, 16 years this time around.
AUNT NINA
Well, last numbers I have don’t work. I always put her in pencil.I can hardly make out the numbers from erasing so many times.
RACHEL
Well the last I heard she was in some little podunk nowhere town in West Illinois. But that was years ago. I doubt she could still be there. God, I can’t believe Uncle Ben shot himself. I never would have imagined…
AUNT NINA
I’ll see if I can find her.
RACHEL
Okay. Let me know.
AUNT NINA
Okay. Bye.
Rachel, in shock and at a loss. Tries to process.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel enters wearing her plaid jacket and boots. Takes them off at the door.
Rachel, 50’s, opens her computer.
Still hurting from the drink, she lights a joint, makes another cup of coffee, looks at photos.
She finds a pic of herself as a teenager sitting on the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
1976 Easter. Rachel, 10, with family, party ensues. UNCLE BEN, 30’s, UNCLE RUSS, 40, AUNT NINA, late 30’s AUNT TARA, 30’s, YOUNG CHILDREN, at the dining table clearing dinner, drinking, laughing, carrying on. Drunk.
Mom enters the house.
MOM
Yoo hoo!!!
As she enters the DR..,
UNCLE BEN
Look what the cat dragged in.
At the dinner table AUNT TARA, Ben’s wife, 30’s, attractive, holds court.
AUNT TARA
And then the little boy took the blue ribbon and put wrapped it around his neck and tied it so tight that he started choking until his lips turned blue to match the ribbon.
Everyone is laughs except Mom.
MOM
I don’t think that’s appropriate, Auntie Tara.
AUNT TARA
We’re having fun, B. It’s a fucking joke!
RACHEL
Yea, we’re having fun. It’s just a joke, Mom.
MOM
That’s real nice. I think someone’s been spending to much time with her Aunties.
AUNT NINA
Fuck you, B!
AUNT TARA
if you don’t like it, we don’t need to take care of your kid while you’re off galavanting doing whatever.
UNCLE BEN
you’r a little late to the party Sis.
AUNT TARA
Remember last Christmas? We ended up having Rachel at our place for almost a month because you were off with some guy and wrapped the car around a tree. Or was it a bike?
UNCLE RUSS
Alright. It’s a party. Let’s drink and be merry! Bottoms up, kids.
AUNT NINA
How about when you went off with Doctor M. you were gonna get married and wound up having a nervous breakdown after going to Mount Tremblout. Broke your leg. Went to the luny bin. Rachel was three months on the farm with Hilly —
In a French accent.
MOM
It’s Mont Tremblant —
Norma cackles… walks toward the kitchen. The kids have run off to the game room and are playing.
AUNT NINA
Get it. You were both out on the farm. Poor Hillary, just married and stuck with a kid.
MOM
Well he had a bunch of kids, too, so —
UNCLE RUSS
Okay ladies. That’s enough.
AUNT TARA
No fuck you Russ. She’s your sister and you know all she does is take advantage of everyone. And then comes over here with her nose in the air.
MOM
Fine! Come on Rachel. Let’s go home.
RACHEL
I don’t wanna go home. We were —
MOM
We’re leaving. Get your coat and your stuff together.
RACHEL
No! It’s Easter. We were having fun.
MOM
Don’t you sass back at me, young lady. We’re leaving.
Rachel runs out of the room.
RACHEL
Fuck you!
Mom going after her…
MOM
Don’t you dare speak to your mother —
Russ grabs B’s arm. They struggle.
UNCLE RUSS
Alright, B. Let the kids have their fun. Get a cocktail and join the party. Try to hav fun for once in your life.
Mom pulls away. Next thing you know, Russ has Mom pinned on the floor face down with her arms behind her back kicking and screaming. Aunt T is cracking up. Uncle Ben is drunk and has kind of checked out.
UNCLE RUSS
That’s enough, little sister. You’re in my home and I won’t have it.
MOM
That’s okay. We’re not welcome here. My own brothers don’t want me around.
AUNT TARA
Now she plays the martyr.
UNCLE RUSS
Not if you’re always gonna to be a Debbie downer. And show us some fucking respect. In my home!!
Aunt Nina enters from the kitchen with a dessert platter and steps over Mom.
AUNT NINA
You got a lot of nerve B., criticizing us when we’re all practically raising your kid for you. If you don’t like it find another baby sitter.
Mom red in the face.
Aunt Nina yells…
AUNT NINA
Dessert!!! Come on! Everyone get a plate.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, drunk, typing at computer. Stops.
Frantically searches box of pics. Dumps it on the floor. She finds a picture of a young boy, Willy, 2 yrs old. Another picture together, he’s 6, Rachel 8.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1972, Summer. Rachel, 8 yrs old, stands outside the chain link fence of a school yard. She waves at Willy,7, who runs to her excited to see her and throws his arms around her. They walk hand in hand. Stop at a park. She pushes him on a swing. They walk home. Enter a high rise apartment building.
EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY
1972, Winter. Dad stands in front of a black limo wearing a winter coat. Woman is in the back seat. It’s snowing like a blizzard. A nun walks Rachel outside. Rachel recognizes him, runs and jumps into his arms. He swings her around. They talk for a bit and he kisses and hugs her. He gets in the car. The nun comes back out and walks Rachel back inside the school.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
Rachel waits outside chain link fence. Only a couple of kids left getting picked up by parents. No little boy.
The limo drives by unseen by Rachel. She walks home.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Present. Rachel, 50’s, at her computer typing with furry.
Paces. Stares at an unfinished painting.
Phone rings. It’s Aunt Nina..,
AUNT NINA
I found an address for your mother. I think it was her last place out West in P.
RACHEL
Okay.
AUNT NINA
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna try and find her?
RACHEL
I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.
AUNT NINA
You know your Mother’s an ass hole. She brings all her shit over here. Taking up half my basement. And then she just disappears.
RACHEL
I know.
AUNT NINA
My boys have moved her from place to place. And the last time was it. That was when she was leaving that fucking asshole she left Yutaka for.
RACHEL
Fucking hate that fucker.
AUNT NINA
I don’t know what she saw in that one. Anyway my boys, were like no more. Never again. Yutaka was a good man. I don’t know how she could leave him for that fuck up.
RACHEL
Yea, he was awesome. I felt sorry for him having to live with her.
RACHEL
I told you about the time when they were fighting and he locked himself in the bedroom to get away from her and he wanted to sleep. And she got the drill gun and took the hinges off the door so she could get in his face and continue fighting.
Nina cackles… they have a good laugh.
AUNT NINA
Listen, all of her shit is still in the basement. Let me know if you want any of it. I’m cleaning up down there.
RACHEL
Okay. I’ll take the good stuff.
AUNT NINA
Okay. We’ll make a date. I’ll make lunch for us. Do you have a pencil.
RACHEL
Yea, hold on… Okay.
Rachel scribbles the address on a small piece of paper.
INT. SMALL BARN – EVENING
Rachel smokes a joint. Stands at unfinished painting. Throws some paint on it violently. Reads some pages from her desk. Tears and crumples them up. Tosses into wastebasket. Screams! Crumples the paper with Moms address and throws it into the wastebasket.
She puts her boots on and grabs her jacket. Exits, slams door.
INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel feeds waters and talks to the horses. Try to work it out.
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Rachel pours another cup of coffee. Moves some pics around on the wall. Stares at the wall. Lays on the couch. Lights a roach from the ashtray but immediately stubs it out.
She digs through the waste basket and finds the crunched up piece of paper with Mom’s address on it. Stares at it.
Finally opens the computer and googles the address.
RACHEL
Shit. Three and half hours. I don’t think so. Fuck that.
She looks up the nearest police department. Finds the number and calls.
RACHEL
Hi. My Mom lives there, close by and her phone seems to be disconnected and I need to reach her.
Rachel switches to speaker. And pours another cup of coffee.
OFFICER
Is this an emergency?
RACHEL
It’s kind of an emergency. Yes.
OFFICER
Okay.
RACHEL
Is there any way that you could go to her house and give her a message to call me?
OFFICER
What’s the name.
RACHEL
My name is Rachel.
OFFICER
Your Mom’s name.
RACHEL
Oh, she goes by B. B T…
OFFICER
The address.
RACHEL
Um, it’s 555 that street.
OFFICER
And what’s your number? Rachel, right?
RACHEL
Correct. My number is 222-555-1234l
OFFICER
Okay hon. We’ll see what we can do.
RACHEL
Great. Thank you so much! If you could write a little note that her daughter needs to speak with her. It’s really important.
OFFICER
And that’s it?
RACHEL
Yes. Thank you. It’s personal. So —
OFFICER
That’s okay. If nobody’s there, we’ll leave the note on the door or in her mail box. Okay? Do you want a call back from us?
RACHEL
No. That’s perfect. Thank you so so much.
OFFICER
Okay Rachel, you have yourself a nice day.
RACHEL
You as well. Thanks again.
OFFICER
Bye bye now.
RACHEL
Bye.
Rachel lights the joint again and climbs the ladder to the loft.
INT. LOFT – CONTINUOUS
She lies down in her bed. Hits the joint. stubs it out.
Stares at the ceiling until she falls asleep.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1972. Snowing. the yard is empty. Around the corner, Little boy with Dad get into the back seat of limo with a woman. The car slowly drives by Rachel who waits at the chain link fence. She turns and walks away not seeing the car.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – DUSK
1972. Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone. He wasn’t there. Thought he went home with a friend.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with three cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying. Cops talking on radio and making calls. Asking questions.
INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT
Dad, woman and little boy on a plane. They land in Puerto Rico
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mom answers phone. Distraught, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Blames her. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room, screaming.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan. Reason: Accidentally flipped some scenes
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 1 Turning Point Lesson 11
What I learned from this assignment is that I guess I was going faster that I thought. I also learned that process helps to iron out the progression/order of scenes, which is complicated since my script moves back and forth in time and it’s super easy to get lost. Phew! I think I’m getting pretty satisfied with it’s progression and no longer feel lost in the back and forth! I am also now okay with the fact that I may still need to do some shuffling.
__________Act 1 – Turning Point 1 Outline__________
Beginning: Rachel is distracted with her Uncle’s suicide. Unable to work. Gives up.
Middle: She finds her Mom’s address that her Aunt gave her and contemplates her next move.
End: She calls the police station and asks them to go to her house with a message to call her so that she can deliver the news.
__________Act 1 – Turning Point 1 Scene__________
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pours another cup of coffee. Moves some pics around on the wall. Stares at the wall. Lays on the couch. Lights a roach from the ashtray. Stubs it out.
She gets the waste basket and finds the crunched up piece of paper with Mom’s address from her Aunt N. Stares at it.
Opens computer. looks up the address.
Then looks up the number to the nearest police department and calls.
RACHEL
Hi. My Mom lives there, close by and her phone seems to be disconnected and I need to reach her.
Rachel switches to speaker. And pours another cup of coffee.
OFFICER
Is this an emergency?
RACHEL
It’s kind of an emergency. Yes.
OFFICER
Okay.
RACHEL
Is there any way that you could go to her house and give her a message to call me?
OFFICER
What’s the name.
RACHEL
My name is Rachel.
OFFICER
Your Mom’s name.
RACHEL
Oh, she goes by B. B T…
OFFICER
The address.
RACHEL
Um, it’s 555 that street.
OFFICER
And what’s your number? Rachel, right?
RACHEL
Correct. My number is 222-555-1234l
OFFICER
Okay hon. We’ll see what we can do.
RACHEL
Great. Thank you so much! If you could write a little note that her daughter needs to speak with her. It’s really important.
OFFICER
And that’s it?
RACHEL
Yes. Thank you. It’s personal. So —
OFFICER
That’s okay. If nobody’s there, we’ll leave the note on the door or in her mail box. Okay? Do you want a call back from us?
RACHEL
No. That’s perfect. Thank you so so much.
OFFICER
Okay Rachel, you have yourself a nice day.
RACHEL
You as well. Thanks again.
OFFICER
Bye bye now.
RACHEL
Bye.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Inciting Event, Lesson 10
What I learned from this assignment is that I am confused and accidentally did Lesson 9 and 10 simultaneously (I guess can be seen as a happy accident), causing me to notice that some scenes need to be flipped around, thereby making the story flow back and forth in time way better. Fingers crossed.
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Beginning: Rachel 50’s in same clothes passed out on the couch.
Phone rings. She comes to, has a bad hangover. Answers and puts on speaker. Aunt N. talking way too loud. Rachel turns the volume down.
Aunt N: Hi Rachel, Your Uncle Ben is gone.
Rachel: What?
Aunt N: I know. It’s shocking. He went out to the garage and propped up the rifle and shot himself in the head.
Rachel: Oh my god! What?!!!
Aunt N: It’s horrible. T is in shock. You should call her. Maybe wait a few days.
Rachel: I don’t even know what to say.
Middle: Aunt N: Do you know where your Mother is?
Rachel: No. I haven’t talked to her in gosh, like 15 years. And that didn’t go well. Go figure.
Aunt N: Well, last numbers I have doesn’t work. I can hardly make out the numbers from erasing so much. I always put her number in pencil.
Rachel: I have to call you back.
End: Rachel, in shock and at a loss. Tries to process. Doesn’t have a clue where her Mom is. Hangs up.
_________________________________
Key Scene 3: Protagonist reaction to inciting incident.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Beginning: Rachel, 50’s, at the bar drinking beer and doing shots with a handsome farmer. They’re drunk. Rachel pays her buddy behind the bar. Leaves with the farmer.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Middle: Rachel and Farmer in the loft, doing cocaine and having drunk sex.
INT. SMALL BARN, LOFT – MORNING
End: Rachel, a hung over mess, dresses. Sees Farmer dude passed out in the bed. Ugh!
Rachel: Dude. Hey Dude, you gotta get up.
Grumbles… Rolls over.
Dude: Come on back to bed. Let’s get busy.
Rachel: No man. You gotta get up. I have work to do. Come on let’s go. You need to go.
Dude: Alright, alright. You’re one cold cucumber. Can I call you.
Rachel: Yeah, no. I’m sure I’ll see you at the bar.
Dude: Jeez woman. You’re a real piece of work.
Middle: Rachel’s already down the stairs. Makes coffee. Looks at story board and finds a beautiful picture of her Mom.
Dude comes down stairs disheveled still buttoning up. Noticing the artwork.
Dude: Dang, you’re sure dark.
Rachel walks to the door and holds hit open for him.
Rachel: I know. Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.
Dude: Funny too. Later.
Rachel: We’ll see.
End: Rachel Closes the door.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Act 1: Opening Scenes, Lesson 9
What I learned from doing this assignment is to not be afraid of the dialogue. With all the prep, it kinda roles out. And I have permission to write shitty dialogue for now. Fix later!!! 20% I still need to go faster and am recommitting to doing so.
__________ACT 1__________
Key Scene 1: Opening and Protagonist Introduction
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
Opening: Rock Concert. Rachel, 50’s, in rock band sings Rebels, Tom Petty for their final encore. The band finishes up. Crowd cheers. The band walks off the stage waving to the crowd.
EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS
Middle: The band loads out their gear. Pop open beers from the cooler. Various: “Great show everyone.” “Awesome.” Rachel grabs a beer. Packs up her gig bag. Band mate gives her a bump.
BAND MATE
Hey Rach, coming to the after party?
RACHEL
Mmmmmmm, I’d really like to.
BAND MATE
Just come for a while. Common’.
Feeds her another bump.
RACHEL
Man! No. I can’t. Promised myself I’d get some work done. I’m really stuck.
BAND MATE
Ah! That dang “Memoir”. Alrighty —
RACHEL
Yes, that dang fucking “Memoir”. Next one.
BAND MATE
Cool beans. You don’t know what you’re missing.
RACHEL
Pretty sure I do, actually.
BAND MATE
Ha! Touche.
RACHEL
Later. Have fun for me.
BAND MATE
You know it.
End: Rachel walks to her truck. Loads up. Finishes her beer and takes off waving to her band mates.
_________________________________________
Key Scene 2: Antagonist Introduction
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
Beginning: 1974. Hillary and Rachel approach an apartment door. Rachel pulls her keys out.
The elevator door opens from down the hall. Mom, 28, petite blonde, with a tall lanky uniformed door man, 50’s, who rolls her in his desk chair toward the door. Her leg in a giant cast stretched all the way out in front of her.
HILLARY
Good Lord B! You didn’t mention the broken leg. What the heck?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Mom, waves and quickly runs into the apartment.
MOM
Hi Honey!
Rachel runs crying into her room and shuts the door.
MOM
Aren’t you gonna say hi to your ole’ mom?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
HILLARY
I think the cast is a little scary for her. You could’ve given her a heads up, B. jeez.
MOM
Nonsense! She’s always so emotional.
HILLARY
B, she’s a kid. She hasn’t seen you in a long time. Like two months, at least. I think.
MOM
Please. It’s not that long. She’s fine.
Middle: Earl helps Mom off the chair and onto the couch. Leaves her things on the table.
EARL
Okay Miss B. You take care now. Let me know if you need anything.
MOM
Thank you Earl. Wouldn’t have made it up with out you.
Earl waves and leaves.
HILLARY
Bye Earl. Take care.
EARL
You too Dear.
MOM
End: Oh, hand me my bag would ya? I’ll show you the self portraits I drew. That was my therapy.
Hillary hands her the bag.
MOM
Rachel, come on out here honey. Wanna show you something.
Mom shows Hillary her drawings. They are dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with a black marker. Rachel comes out of room hesitantly. She stands close to Hillary.
MOM
Don’t I get a hug?
Rachel, sheepishly goes to hug Mom and sits down next to her. She is sad.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Beat Sheet 2, Lesson 8
What I learned from this assignment is that this is both arduous and engaging work. I need to type faster. But doing these passes and nailing down theme with beats of both characters, the story really begins to right itself. I probably have way too many locations. But I’m okay with that for now, as it serves the story. I hope.
Theme: Surviving loss
__________ACT 1__________
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
Opening: Rachel, 50’s, sings background vocals in a Tom Petty Tribute Band to a live crowd. They finish up with Rebels for their final encore. Crowd cheers. The band walks off the stage waving with thank you.
EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS
The band loads out their gear. Pop open beers from the cooler. Rachel grabs a beer. Packs up her gig bag. She is invited to an after party. It’s hard to resist but declines, need to get to work on her memoir which has her all consumed. She has a long drive.
Rachel walks to her car. Loads the up. Finishes her beer and takes off waving to her band mates.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel drives. Deep in thought.
EXT. FARM ARENA – DAY
1974 – Rachel,10. Riding horse, practicing barrel racing techniques. Hillary, late 20’s, tall and beautiful, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
INT. FARM ARENA – DAY/EVENING
1974. Rachel , 10 rides horse English style, with friends. They practice jumping. The kids are older and cue Rachel from the other side while passing a joint. Someone offers her a joint. She takes it but not sure what to do with it. They teach her to smoke and head out for a trail ride.
EXT. FARM, HOUSE YARD – MORNING
Cliff, late 40’s Hillary’s much older husband; the epitome of an old school handsome cowboy. He and Rachel laugh heartily chasing and catching ducks outside the chicken coup.
INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cliff and Hilary at the dinner table. Rachel discovers for the first time that she is eating the ducks they caught for dinner and nearly spits it out and cries. She shows them her drawings of the horses. They’re really good.Hillary comments on how Mom and her brother, uncle Ben are great sketch artists, very talented and how Rachel must have gotten her talent from them.
EXT. ANOTHER FARM – NIGHT
Present day. Rachel 50’s turns onto a long road that opens up to a medium sized farm with several barns and a much larger main house. (Rachel works on the farm caring for the horses and livestock in exchange for living in the barn.) She pulls up and parks her truck next to the smallest barn. Unloads the trunk.
INT. SMALL BARN – LATER
The barn is artsy and modest, but is nicely remodeled with an upscale DIY look. Rachel’s paintings are strategically hung with some in process on easels. The bed is high up in the loft, of course. Spiral staircase?
Rachel writes at computer. Stops. She looks through a box of photos where photos are strewn about, some taped to the wall, and finds some Old pictures of a farm with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. A picture of Hillary with her. She sits at the computer.
INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – MORNING
1972. Rachel, 8, and Mom, 26 exit the plane. Her Dad works for the airline and is there to receive them. He waves, smiling. Rachel asks Mom which uncle that is. Mom informs her that that’s her Dad.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Suddenly she’s up and pours herself another big glass of wine. Lights a joint. Paces, searching her story board on the wall.
INT. ORD AIRPORT – DAY
1972. Mom, 24 walks Rachel to the gate to see her off to visit Aunt Rachel, Dad’s sister, in California.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel at the story board, moving pics around. Gives up. Sits. Smokes. Drinks. Closes her eyes, drifts off.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
1973. Hillary and Rachel approach an apartment door. Rachel pulls her keys out.
The elevator door opens from down the hall. Mom, 26, petite blonde, with a tall lanky uniformed door man, 50’s, who rolls her in his desk chair toward the door. Her leg in a giant cast stretched all the way out in front of her.
INT. APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Mom, waves and quickly runs into the apartment. Mom calls out to her. Rachel runs crying into her room (small 1 bedroom apt) and shuts the door.
Hillary covers. Seeing Mom in a cast scared her. It was a surprise. Mom scoffs. They discuss the trip, the break up and the hospital visit. Mom shows Hillary her drawings. They are dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with a black marker. Rachel comes out of room hesitantly. She stands close to Hillary. Mom talks about her self portraits and how drawing was therapy while in the hospital.
Reference nervous breakdown later at Easter?
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Rachel 50’s in same clothes passed out on the couch.
Phone rings. She has a bad hangover. It’s her aunt talking way too loud on the phone, asking lots of questions. Rachel’s uncle Ben, Mom’s brother has committed suicide, shot himself in the head and nobody can find her piece of shit Mom. Rachel, in shock and at a loss. Tries to process. Doesn’t have a clue where her Mom is. Hangs up.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, at her with computer staring. Still hurting from the drink, she lights a joint, makes another cup of coffee, looks at photos. She finds one of herself as a teenager sitting on the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
1976 Easter. Rachel, 10, with family. party ensues. Two Uncles and two Aunts, two young boys, 3 and 4 yrs old, and neighbors and children – at the dining table finishing up meal, laughing and carrying on. Drinking. Drunk.
Mom arrives, late. “Look what the cat dragged in.” At the dinner table Aunt, Ben’s wife tells a “funny” story about a little boy who had a blue ribbon and was playing and put the ribbon around his neck and tied it so tight that he was choking until his lips turned blue to match the ribbon. Everyone is laughing until Mom criticizes them for their bad behavior in front of her child. They make it clear that they don’t need to babysit while she’s off galavanting.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Ben has Mom pinned on the kitchen floor kicking and screaming. He’s yelling at her.
He reminds her of the last time she didn’t show for a holiday because she was off with some guy and wrapped the car around a tree. Or when you went off with that Doctor you were gonna marry and wound up having a nervous breakdown.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, drunk, typing at computer. Stops. Frantically searches box and finds a picture of a young boy, Willy, 2 yrs old. Another picture together, he’s 6, Rachel 8.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1972, Summer. Rachel, 8 yrs old, stands outside the chain link fence of a school yard. She waves at Willy,7, who runs to her excited to see her and throws his arms around her. They walk hand in hand. Stop at a park. She pushes him on a swing. They walk home. Enter a high rise apartment building.
EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY
1972, Winter. Dad stands in front of a black limo wearing a winter coat. Woman is in the back seat. It’s snowing like a blizzard. A nun walks Rachel outside. Rachel recognizes him, runs and jumps into his arms. He swings her around. They talk for a bit and he kisses and hugs her. He gets in the car. The comes out and nun walks Rachel back inside
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
Rachel waits outside chain link fence. Only a couple of kids left getting picked up by parents. No little boy. The limo drives by unseen by Rachel. She walks home.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Present. Rachel, 50’s, at her computer typing with furry. Paces. Stares at an unfinished painting. Aunt calls to see if she’s talked to her Mom yet. She’s found the last address she had for her Mom. Hard to read with all the erasures. She’s always pencilled in, never with a pen.
Rachel scribbles the address on a small piece of paper.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, at the bar drinking beer and doing shots with a handsome farmer. They’re drunk. Rachel pays her buddy behind the bar. Leaves with the farmer.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel and Farmer in the loft, having drunk sex.
__________Act 2__________
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Rachel, a hung over mess, kicks the farmer dude out. Remorse.
Makes coffee. Looks at story board and finds a beautiful picture of her Mom. She finds the crunched up piece of paper in the waste basket and googles the address her Aunt has given her. Then calls the police department in that town and gives them the address from her aunt and asks if someone if someone could drive over to the house with a message to call her. It’s urgent.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1972. Snowing. the yard is empty. Around the corner, Little boy with Dad get into the back seat of limo with a woman. The car slowly drives by Rachel who waits at the chain link fence. She turns and walks away not seeing the car.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – DUSK
1972. Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone. He wasn’t there. Thought he went home with a friend.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with three cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying. Cops talking on radio and making calls. Asking questions.
INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT
Dad, woman and little boy on a plane. They land in Puerto Rico
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mom answers phone. Distraught, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Blames her. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room, screaming.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, on the phone waiting. Pacing. Lights a joint. Pours wine.
The police officer left a note on the door for her because nobody was home. Rachel hangs up.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, just out of the shower, dresses and packs up a bag and her guitar and her computer, etc.
EXT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Loads up the truck and drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DUSK
Rachel drives. Tired of her thoughts, turns on music loud. Sings.
PLACEHOLDER: 1972. Dad talking to Mom on phone negotiating the swap.
Rachel wants to go home. She’s homesick and misses school.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Present. Rachel 50’s pulls up and parks. Sits in the car looking at the house. Finally, walks to the front door and rings the bell. A man answers the door. Woman joins him. Mom is renting out the house.
They invite her in for a cup of coffee. At a loss, she agrees. They talk and try to come up with some clues. The couple, encourages her and offers her the guest room to spend the night so she can get some rest. She turns them down and leaves.
TURNING POINT 2: MIDPOINT:
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel drives around the town criticizing its podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets high and finds a pub.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, drunk, parties with a guy at the bar. He gives her a couple of bumps of coke from a key. After throwing back a couple beers and shots, she leaves, waving off the man’s advances. He’s belligerent. Fuck you Fuck YOU
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits in car smoking a joint. Then drives off.
PLACEHOLDER: 1977. 13.Insert getting kicked out of boyfriends.
Sleeping around in the bushes and lobbies.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, distracted looking for lighter, crashes the car and has to get towed.
EXT. ROADSIDE – NIGHT
Tow guy hooks her truck up to his rig while criticizing her for driving all fucked up. Claims he should call the cops to pick her up. She’s snarky at first.
INT. TOW TRUCK – NIGHT
Tow truck driver drives with Rachel in the passenger seat. He pulls up to the nice couple’s/Mom’s house. And waits for her to get out.
EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Rachel rings the bell and looks back at the tow truck and flips him the bird. Same to you.
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Couple sets Rachel up in guest room. And leave her to herself. They are perplexed. Maybe very straight laced.
Rachel gets into sweats and t-shirt, sits on the bed and opens her computer.
She types.
EXT. BROWN STONE APT BUILDING – NIGHT
Rachel, (age 13, 1977) in front of her apartment building, finishes up a joint while removing makeup with a tissue. She takes a swig from the pint of JD in her purse and throws a sweatshirt over her sexy top.
INT. INTERIOR HALLWAY – NIGHT
1977. Rachel 13, enters her apartment, skulks down the hallway, where her mom and Japanese step father, Yutaka, 28, are having dinner. Rachel is late. Mom, 31, blonde caucasian, wears a kimono, comes after Rachel yelling. Rachel ducks into her bedroom closes the door.
INT. APT DINING ROOM – NIGHT
At the dinner table, Mom scolds Rachel for putting ketchup on her rice which is unacceptable, to dirty the rice. Rachel retorts. Mom cues Yutaka and he back hands Rachel across the face. Rachel screams runs to her room.
INT. APT DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel looks down the hallway, checks to make sure parents are asleep. She then throws her clothes out the window.
INT. APT HALLWAY AND KITCHEN
She sneaks out the back door with a partially empty empty duffle bag.
EXT. BROWN STONE APT BLDG – NIGHT
Boyfriend, Stew,16, waits in car as she scoops up her clothes and hops in.
They drive off.
__________ACT 3 __________
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel wakes up with open computer lying next to her. She wants to light a joint but doesn’t. Reads what she has written.
EXT. STREET – DAY
1977. Mom, 31, driving an old US Mail jeep, sees Rachel, 13, walking. She’s carrying a big purse. She pulls over and convinces Rachel to get in. Rachel makes fun of the new ride. Mom smell the pot and searches the purse. Drives to the police station to turn her in. Rachel convinces her to let it go. Paint store keeping a close eye on Rachel. At a stop light with a long line of traffic, a block from home, Rachel takes off and runs. Takes off and runs.
INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
She’s hungover. Takes a little bump. Packs her things.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Rachel at the table with the kind couple finishing breakfast. Man gets a piece of paper with a PO Box address. Gives it to Rachel. This is where he sends rents checks. They talk a little about what’s next. They recall having met Mom. Thought she was nice. Shows Rachel all the handy work that Mom did on the house.
EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY
Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office and waves graciously at the nice couple. They drive off. She finds her truck loads up and drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s 50’s, driving. She turns on the music.
INT. MOM’S CAR – DAY
1972. Rachel, 8, sits in passenger seat with mom at the wheel at a stop light. They laugh as mom pumps the breaks making the car rock to the beat of the music. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s drives. She laugh’s, sings “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
EXT. CRAPPY MOTEL – NIGHT
Rachel pulls in and parks.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Tries to watch TV. Writes. Get’s stuck. Leaves.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
It’s dead. Rachel, 50’s, sits alone at the bar drinking. She orders another shot from the bartender. Maybe plays some pin ball. Finishes up her packy of coke.
INT. STEW’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Mom shows up with Probation Officer at back door looking for Rachel. Mom and Carlee criticize each other about being shitty mother’s. Mom says that if she has to choose between Rachel and new husband, she will choose husband. Carlee tells them to get lost, hasn’t seen Rachel. Hopes they don’t find her. She’s better off with out her.
INT. LARGE WALK IN CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, in the closet, where all of her stuff is set up like, is curled up in the corner hiding. She overhears the arguing.
PLACEHOLDER: Apartment manager scene. Rachel convinces mgr to rent her an apartment.
She paints the apartment.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Rachel on the same street where Mom had picked her up. A detective in street clothes asks her question about “shouldn’t you be at home?” Name? Etc. Rachel takes off running. Another detective grabs her puts her hands behind her back and walks her to the car and shoves her in.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel in her sweats and t-shirt, at a desk looking at open computer, finishes a beer. Closes computer.
She slips off her sweats, navigates getting under the sheets. Immediately puts sweats back on and gets in the bed. Stares at the ceiling.
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR CHILDREN – DAY
Rachel and a bunch of kids stand in line as the COUNCELOR hands each kid a cigarette from their perspective cartons. A psychiatrist approaches Rachel and introduces himself and pulls her out of the line.
INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
The Psychiatrist behind his desk, listens to Mom who sits next to new husband, Yutaka and across from Rachel, arms folded. She complains about her derelict child taking no responsibility for her part. Just unloading. The psychiatrist asks the couple to leave; she’s not helping matters. Rachel is satisfied that someone is finally on her side.
INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Rachel and Stew sleeping on a single matress on the floor, a 70’s thing. Carlee knocks. Rachel needs to leave.
EXT. MANSION ON THE LAKE – DUSK
Rachel in the bushes trying to hide and sleep.
INT. ENTRYWAY OF BUILDING – MORNING
Rachel curled up sleeps under the stairwell of an apartment building. She wakes to foot steps coming down the stairs and gathers her stuff and runs out of the building and down the walkway toward the street. A business man walks out behind her.
__________ACT 4__________
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s with her guitar, sneaks down the hallway, ducking to be unseen, looking in rooms until she finds her Mom and quietly ducks in.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, tries to wake up her Mom who is hooked up to machines. Emotional, Rachel talks to Mom. Explains why she’s come. Tells her about her brother shooting himself in the head. Plays and sings a song for her. Nurse, Eleanor, 70’s, enters and tells her she has to leave. It’s after visiting hours and Mom hasn’t had any visitors a doesn’t know of her having a daughter.
EXT.BROWN STONE APT BLDG – MORNING
1977. Rachel, 13, braces herself and enters the building, using her key.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel,13, tip toes down the hallway toward her bedroom. Mom steps into view, wearing her kimono. Startles Rachel. She’s home from work and has been worried sick. They come up with the plan for Rachel to go to the Mental Hospital. Best for both of them. Rachel doesn’t want to live with Mom. But this is the most civil we see them.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Rachel wakes with a start. Breaks down. Gets her weed out of the duffel bag and preps to roll a joint. Looks in the mirror. Puts the weed away. Heads for the bathroom.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel dresses and combs her wet hair. Looks in the mirror. She looks like shit.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
Rachel enters carrying her guitar, computer bag and two cups of coffee. Sees Eleanor, smiles and takes her a cup of coffee. Eleanor, a loss, takes it. Rachel apologizes for being rude the night before.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, visits with Mom recalling stories from the past. Some not good stories.
PLACEHOLDER: Bathtub story from when she was 6. How the great dane took her for walks. The car rocking story. How Mom made her gargle with hydrogen peroxide when she had gingivitis and then almost died from the penicillin shot. Ballet class and frog man, etc.
This should transpire over several visits.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor. Takes her weed out to roll a joint. But instead wraps it in the baggie and shoves it deep into her duffel bag.
Back to writing, this time by hand in journal.
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – DAY
Rachel develops a relationship with Eleanor. They share stories. Eleanor has issues with her children.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Use place holders for each day. Some will be of Mom’s POV, when she becomes agitated from Rachel’s story telling.
INT. HALLWAY, CONVALESCENT HOME – NIGHT
Rachel over hears Nurse talking to Mom about Rachel. She discovers that Mom is somewhat cognizant with slurred speech. Rachel leaves.
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Rachel resists going in.
INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits at the bar but leaves when asked if she wants the usual.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Rachel sits quiet. Plays guitar softly, humming. Mom, eyes closed, is agitated but unable to speak. Are those tears? Rachel wipes them with her fingers and then brushes her fingers through her mom’s hair.
INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – EVENING
1972. Mom lands in Puerto Rico. Get’s her bags from the overhead. Stands and waits in line to exit plane.
EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY
Mom pulls up in rental car. Walks up to a modest house surrounded by plantain trees. Knocks. Grandmother comes to the door, surprised, and lets her in.
INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Mom waits, Willy, 6, with Grandmother enters and, in Spanish, introduces him to his Mother. After formalities, Mom exits with Willy claiming that they are going shopping to by him clothes and will return before dinner.
INT. FRAN AND ELY’S HOME – NIGHT
Mom is on the couch with Willy trying to make him comfortable. He has pneumonia and is coughing excessively. Fran and Ely bring her blankets and humidifier.
Mom is scared and worried, fawning over her son.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
1972. The sound of cops talking into walkie talkies. Cops trying to calm Mom, 26 who is panicking. Rachel sobs in the corner apologizing over and over. The phone rings. Blood curdling screams as she hangs up the phone.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Blood curdling sounds coming from Mom who doesn’t open her eyes. Rachel tries to soothe her. Looks down the hallway for Eleanor. The machines start beeping. She presses the emergency button. Mom takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it hard. Rachel wipes tears form Mom’s face. They stay there. It gets dark outside. Staff enters asks Rachel to leave.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s High Speed Beat Sheet – Lesson 7
I am committed to using these High Speed Writing Rules to get my script done at record speed.
What I learned from this assignment, is that I have to try very hard not be a perfectionist and must resist the temptation to go back and fix. I also am learning how helpful it is to have all of the elements in place before moving on to the next step. Takes patience and discipline to not move on or back too soon.
__________Act 1__________
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
Opening: Rachel, 50’s, sings background vocals in a Tom Petty Tribute Band to a live crowd. They finish up with Rebels for their final encore. Crowd cheers. The band walks off the stage waving with thank you.
EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS
The band loads out their gear. Pop open beers from the cooler. Rachel grabs a beer. Packs up her gig bag. She is invited to an after party. It’s hard to resist but declines, need to get to work on her memoir which has her all consumed. She has a long drive.
Rachel walks to her car. Loads the up. Finishes her beer and takes off waving to her band mates.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel drives. Deep in thought.
EXT. FARM ARENA – DAY
1974 – Rachel,10. Riding horse, practicing barrel racing techniques. Hilary, late 20’s, tall and beautiful, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
INT. FARM ARENA – DAY/EVENING
1974. Rachel , 10 rides horse English style, with friends. They practice jumping. The kids are older and cue Rachel from the other side while passing a joint. Someone offers her a joint. She takes it but not sure what to do with it. They teach her to smoke and head out for a trail ride.
EXT. FARM, HOUSE YARD – MORNING
Cliff, late 40’s GM’s much older husband; the epitome of an old school handsome cowboy. He and Rachel laugh heartily chasing and catching ducks outside the chicken coup.
INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cliff and Hilary at the dinner table. Rachel discovers for the first time that she is eating the ducks they caught for dinner and nearly spits it out and cries. She shows them her drawings of the horses. They’re really good.GM comments on how Mom and her brother/R’s uncle are great sketch artists, very talented and how Rachel must have gotten her talent from them.
EXT. ANOTHER FARM – NIGHT
Present day. Rachel 50’s turns onto a long road that opens up to a medium sized farm with several barns and a much larger main house. (Rachel works on the farm caring for the horses and livestock in exchange for living in the barn.) She pulls up and parks her truck next to the smallest barn. Unloads the trunk.
INT. SMALL BARN – LATER
The barn is artsy and modest, but is nicely remodeled with an upscale DIY look. Rachel’s paintings are strategically hung with some in process on easels. The bed is high up in the loft, of course. Spiral staircase? LOCATION: (We know just the place, production. Met them doing a gig there.)
Rachel looks through photos and finds some 1974.
Old pictures of a farm with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. A picture of Hilary with her. She sits at the computer.
Suddenly she’s up and pours herself another big glass of wine. Lights a joint. Paces, searching her story board on the wall.
Gives up. Sits. Smokes. Drinks. Closes her eyes.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
1974. GM and Rachel approach an apartment door. Rachel pulls her keys out.
The elevator door opens from down the hall. Mom, 28, petite blonde, with a tall lanky uniformed door man, 50’s, who rolls her in his desk chair toward the door. Her leg in a giant cast stretched all the way out in front of her.
INT. APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Mom, waves and quickly runs into the apartment. Mom calls out to her. Rachel runs crying into her room (small 1bdrm apt) and shuts the door.
Hillary covers. Seeing Mom in a cast scared her. It was a surprise. Mom scoffs. They discuss the trip, the break up and the hospital visit. Mom shows Hillary her drawing. Rachel comes out of room hesitantly. She stands close to Hillary. Mom talks about her self portraits which are good but dark and scary.
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Inciting Incident: Present, Rachel 50’s in same clothes passed out on the couch.
Phone rings. She has a bad hangover. It’s her aunt talking way too loud on the phone, asking lots of questions. Rachel’s uncle Ben, Mom’s brother has committed suicide, shot himself in the head and nobody can find her piece of shit Mom. Rachel, in shock and at a loss. Tries to process. Doesn’t have a clue where her Mom is. Hangs up.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, at her with computer staring. Still hurting from the drink, she lights a joint, makes another cup of coffee, looks at photos. She finds one of herself as a teenager sitting on the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
1976 Easter. Rachel, 10, with family. party ensues. Two Uncles and two Aunts, two young boys, 3 and 4 yrs old, and neighbors and children – at the dining table finishing up meal, laughing and carrying on. Drinking. Drunk.
Mom arrives, late. “Look what the cat dragged in.” At the dinner table Aunt, Ben’s wife tells a “funny” story about a little boy who had a blue ribbon and was playing and put the ribbon around his neck and tied it so tight that he was choking until his lips turned blue to match the ribbon. Everyone is laughing until Mom criticizes them for their bad behavior in front of her child. They make it clear that they don’t need to babysit while she’s off galavanting.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Ben has Mom pinned on the kitchen floor kicking and screaming. He’s yelling at her. He reminds her of the last time she didn’t show for a holiday because she was off with some guy and wrapped the car around a tree.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, drunk, typing at computer. Stops. Frantically searches box and finds a picture of a young boy, 2 yrs old. Another picture together, he’s 6, Rachel 8.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1973, Summer. Rachel, 9 yrs old, stands outside the chain link fence of a school yard. She waves at little boy, 7, who runs to her excited to see her and throws his arms around her. They walk hand in hand. Stop at a park. She pushes him on a swing.
EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY
1973, Winter. Dad stands in front of a black limo wearing a winter coat. Woman is in the back seat. It’s snowing like a blizzard. A nun walks Rachel outside. Rachel recognizes him, runs and jumps into his arms. He swings her around.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
Rachel waits outside chain link fence. Only a couple of kids left meeting parents. No little boy. The limo drives by unseen by Rachel. She walk home.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Present. Rachel, 50’s, at her computer typing with furry. Paces. Stares at an unfinished painting. Aunt calls to see if she’s talked to her Mom yet. She’s found the last address she had for her Mom. Hard to read with all the erasures. She’s always pencilled in, never with a pen.
INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY
1972. Rachel, 8, and Mom, 26 exit the plane. Her Dad works for the airline and is there to receive them. He waves, smiling. Rachel asks Mom which uncle that is. Mom informs her that that’s her Dad. Rachel is embarrassed.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, at the bar drinking beer and doing shots with a handsome farmer. They’re drunk. Rachel pays her buddy behind the bar. Leaves with the farmer.
INT. SMALL BARN – NIGHT
Rachel and Farmer in the loft, sex
__________Act 2__________
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Reaction: Rachel, a hung over mess, kicks the farmer dude out. Remorse.
Makes coffee. She looks up the address her Aunt has given her. Then calls the police department in that town and gives them the address from her aunt and asks if someone if someone could drive over to the house with a message to call her. It’s urgent.
EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY
1973. Snowing. the yard is empty. Around the corner, Little boy with Dad get into the back seat of limo with a woman. The car slowly drives by Rachel who waits at the chain link fence. She turns and walks away not seeing the car.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – DUSK
1973. Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone. He wasn’t there.
PLACE HOLDER: Phone convo with Mom.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with three cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying. Cops talking on radio and making calls.
INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT
Dad, woman and little boy on a plane. They land in Puerto Rico
INT. SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mom answers phone. Distraught, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Blames her. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room, screaming.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, on the phone waiting. Pacing. Lights a joint. Pours wine.
The police officer left a note on the door for her because nobody was home.
Rachel hangs up.
INT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Rachel, just out of the shower, dresses and packs up a bag and her guitar and her computer, etc.
EXT. SMALL BARN – DAY
Loads up the truck and drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DUSK
Rachel drives. Tired of her thoughts, turns on music loud. Sings.
PLACEHOLDER: Memory of Dad getting Rachel from Aunt in CA. negotiating the swap. Rachel wants to go home. Dad puts her on a plane. Rachel gets picked up by Hillary at airport and meets Mom and little boy at apartment. He’s sick. Rachel hugs and Mom puts them to bed.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s pulls up and parks. Walks to the front door and rings the bell. A man answers the door. Woman joins him. Mom is renting out the house.
They invite her in for a cup of coffee. At a loss, she finally agrees. They talk and try to come up with some clues. The couple, encourages her and offers her the guest room to spend the night so she can get some rest. She turns them down.
Turning Point 2: MIDPOINT:
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel drives around the town criticizing its podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets high and finds a pub.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Rachel, 50’s, talk to a guy at the bar. He gives her a couple of bumps from a key. After throwing back a couple beers and shots, and having folks be too nice to her, she leaves, waving off the man’s advances. He’s belligerent.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits in car smoking a joint. Then drives off.
PLACEHOLDER: Insert getting kicked out of boyfriends.
Sleeping around in the bushes and lobbies.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT
Rachel 50’s, distracted looking for lighter, crashes the car and has to get towed.
EXT. ROADSIDE – NIGHT
Tow guy hooks her truck up to his rig while criticizing her for driving all fucked up. Claims he should call the cops to pick her up. She’s snarky at first.
INT. TOW TRUCK – NIGHT
Tow truck driver drives with Rachel in the passenger seat. He pulls up to the nice couple’s/Mom’s house. And waits for her to get out.
EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Rachel rings the bell and looks back at the tow truck and flips him the bird. Same to you.
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Couple sets Rachel up in guest room. In bed. And leave her to herself. They are perplexed.
Rachel gets into sweats and tshirt, sits on the bed and opens her computer.
She writes.
EXT. BROWN STONE APT BUILDING – NIGHT
Rachel, (age 13, 1977) in front of her apartment building, finishes up a joint while removing makeup with a tissue. She takes a swig from the pint of JD in her purse and throws a sweatshirt over her sexy top.
INT. INTERIOR HALLWAY – NIGHT
1977. Rachel 13, enters her apartment, skulks down the hallway, where her mom and Japanese step father, Yutaka, 28, are having dinner. Rachel is late. Mom, 31, blonde caucasian, wears a kimono, comes after Rachel yelling. Rachel ducks into her bedroom closes the door.
INT. APT DINING ROOM – NIGHT
At the dinner table, Mom scolds Rachel for putting ketchup on her rice which is unacceptable, to dirty the rice. Rachel retorts. Mom cues Yutaka and he back hands Rachel across the face. Rachel screams runs to her room.
INT. APT DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel looks down the hallway, checks to make parents are asleep. She then throws her clothes out the window.
INT. APT HALLWAY AND KITCHEN
She sneaks out the back door with a partially empty empty duffle bag.
EXT. BROWN STONE APT BLDG – NIGHT
Boyfriend, Stew,16, waits in car as she scoops up her clothes and hops in.
They drive off.
__________Act 3 __________
Turning Point 3:
INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Rachel wakes up with open computer lying next to her. She reads what she has written. And writes some more.
PLACEHOLDER: Something that she regrets. Maybe calls her Aunt who pisses her off.
Rachel packs her things.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Has coffee and meal with the kind couple. Man pull out a piece of paper with a PO Box address. This is where he sends rents checks. The talk a little about her journey. The recall having met Mom. She graciously says her goodbyes. She’s hungover but now knows what her next step is. There’s no turning back.
EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY
Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office and waves graciously at the nice couple.The drive. She finds her truck loads up and drives off.
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s 50’s, driving. She turns on the music.
INT. MOM’S CAR – DAY
1972. Rachel, 8, sits in passenger seat with mom at the wheel at a stop light. They laugh as mom pumps the breaks making the car rock to the beat of the music. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
INT. PICK UP TRUCK – DAY
Rachel’s drives. She laugh’s, singing
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
EXT. CRAPPY MOTEL – NIGHT
Rachel pulls in and parks.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Tries to watch TV. Writes. Get’s stuck. Leaves her room.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
It’s dead. Rachel, 50’s, sits alone at the bar drinking. She orders another shot from the bartender. Maybe plays some pin ball.
PLACEHOLDER: ??
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel in her sweats and t-shirt, at a desk looking at open computer, finishes a beer. Closes computer. She slips off her sweats, navigates getting under the sheets. Immediately puts sweats back on and gets in the bed. Stares at the ceiling.
__________Act 4__________
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – NIGHT
Rachel with her guitar, sneaks down the hallway, ducking to be unseen, looking in rooms until she finds her Mom and quietly ducks in.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Rachel trying to wake up her Mom who is hooked up to machines. Rachel talking to Mom. Plays a song for her. Until a Nurse, Eleanor, enters and tells her she has to leave. It’s after visiting hours and Mom hasn’t had any visitors a doesn’t know of her having a daughter.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Rachel, 50’s, visits Mom recalling stories from the past.
INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor. Takes her weed out to roll a joint. Takes her weed and coke, wraps it in a bag and shoves it deep into her duffel bag.
Back to writing.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDERS:
Stories for Mom each day.
Convincing rental mgr to give Rachel ,14, an apt. Painting apartment apt
INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – DAY
Rachel develops a relationship with Eleanor, who talks to Mom about Rachel as she comes to understand her story and like her. She has a similar story.
Mail jeep scene, Mom sees and snags Rachel, she runs.
PLACEHOLDER:
Mail jeep scene, Mom sees and snags Rachel, she runs.
Japanese stuff, 1st grade Japanese school, mom talking Japanese.
mail jeep steal.
sleeping on lawn in bushes.
sleeping in apartment lobby under stairs.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Use place holders each day. Some will be of Mom’s POV, when she becomes agitated from Rachel’s story telling.
PLACEHOLDER:
runaway sc from closet
mom comes to stew’s with truant Officer.
sleeping in the storage locker in Stew’s basement
PLACEHOLDER:
Cops pick up Rachel.
In lock up hospital for derelict children.
Therapy at hospital.
INT. HALLWAY, CONVALESCENT HOME – DAY
Rachel hears Nurse talking to Mom about Rachel. She discovers that Mom is somewhat cognizant. But continuous as if she doesn’t know, so that she can continue with her stories, some of which are disturbing to her mom.
PLACEHOLDER:
Mom’s point of view: Getting her son. Hiding out at friends
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Rachel resists going in.
INT. MOM’S ROOM – DAY
Resolution: Perhaps Mom can’t open her eyes. But she’s changed from the visits and from the Nurse’s persistence.Rachel breaks down, desperate for a connection, ready to give up. Mom takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it hard. This is enough.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Transformational Events – Lesson 6
What I learned from this assignment is that knowing the beginning and end makes it easier to stack everything you need to justify the journey. This formula is excellent. Also, that these steps are crucial and take a lot of the guess work out.
Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.
Beginning: Rachel has no intention of ever seeing her Mom again. She figures writing a memoir will be enough but struggles to write as she is haunted with memories of the past.
End: Rachel finds her Mom and thought she may not get the connection she hopes for, she is proud for having initiated the connection and is able to learn from it. Her mom takes her hand squeezes it. That is enough.
Old Ways:
– People pleasing, lacks self esteem, self loathing.
– Reckless, righteous, and emotional.
– Resents her Mother for her lack of care and interest.
– Has written her Mother off for good.
– Angry. Destructive. Uses alcohol and drugs to escape.
New ways:
– Bold and self assured.
– Evolved.
– Courageous.
– Healthy in mind and body.
– Learns self care
– Makes the trip to see her Mom.
Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).
Decide that it’s her duty to find and let her Mom know about her brother’s suicide. Recognize that she may regret never seeing her Mom again. Must come to terms with fact that she may not find her Mom. Must accept that her Mom may still have resentment toward her or may not want to see her. Must accept that her Mom may not have changed at all. Understand that she needs to be sober to see her mom. Must open her heart to all possibilities and do her best.
Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
-Rachel can’t write memoir, haunted with memories of the past.
-Rachel smokes a joint and heads to a bar for company and drinks to avoid writing.
-Rachel gets the call about her Mom’s brother committing suicide.
-Rachel drives to the house where she thinks her mom lives only to find that a kind couple lives there.
-Rachel gives up and gets trashed then attempts to drive home. She’s gets in an accident and is taken to police station.
– The kind couple picks her up from the station and takes her to spend the night in their home.
– Rachel breaks down and the kind couple helps her and gives her a po box address where they send their rent check.
– Rachel drives far South and eventually finds her Mom who is unconscious in a convalescent home.
– Rachel returns to the home everyday to visit and and talk to her her unconscious Mom.
– After time, she develops a relationship with her Mom’s nurse. They share stories.
– Rachel discovers her mom is aware but not ready to face her.
– Rachel finishes her memoir
– On Rachel’s last day, her Mom squeezes her hand.
______________________________________________________
Act 1: Set up and see Old Ways.
Opening: On Rachel, 50’s, at her desk writing. She frets, lights a joint, sips coffee, looks at photos. One of a young boy, in particular. Montage (1972) Rachel (9 yrs old) outside the fence of public elementary school waves at little boy (7) who runs to her. They walk hand in hand. Play in the park. Dad outside Rachel’s school. Rachel excited to see Dad. Rachel outside same school waiting. Empty school lot. No little boy. Little boy with Dad getting in car. A woman in the passenger seat. Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone. Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying. Dad, woman and little boy on a plane. Dad, woman and little boy leaving airport in Puerto Rico. Mom answers phone, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room. Rachel, (age 13, 1977) in front of her apartment building, finishes up a joint while removing makeup with a tissue. She takes a swig from the pint of JD in her purse and throws a sweatshirt over her sexy top. She enters her apartment where her mom and Japanese step father are having dinner. Rachel is late. Mom, 31, blonde caucasian, wears a kimono, comes after Rachel yelling. Rachel skulks into her bedroom closes the door. At the dinner table, Mom scolds her for putting ketchup on her rice which is unacceptable. Rachel retorts. Mom cues, Rachel’s step-dad, (28, Japanese, athletic), he back hands Rachel across the face. Rachel screams runs to her room. Later, Rachel checks to make sure they are sleeping. She throws her clothes out the window and sneaks out the back door with a partially empty empty duffle bag. Friend waits in car as she scoops up her clothes. They drive off.
Inciting Incident: Rachel (Present, 50’s), at her desk, struggles with writing her memoir. There are paintings on the walls of her work that reflect her struggle. The phone rings. She answers; it’s her Aunt calling to let her know that Rachel’s Uncle, her mom’s brother has shot him in the head. Rachel’s aunt has no idea where mom is living. None of the phone numbers she’s has tried work.
Turning Point: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel struggles to concentrate and contemplates trying to find her Mother. Montage, 1973-4. Rachel sits in passenger seat with mom at the wheel at a stop light. They laugh as mom pumps the breaks making the car rock to the beat of the music. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
__________________________________________________________________________________
Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways.
Reaction: Rachel gets trashed and recounts the past thrashing about until she wears herself out, paralyzed with emotions taking over. She is belligerent, confused and destructive as she struggles with the responsibility of having to contact her Mother.
The Plan:
1) Rachel, a hung over mess, gets cleaned up and tries to work on her memoir in order to distract herself but is haunted with memories sending her into another bout of rage. She justifies all that happened as an excuse to say fuck it!
2) Getting nowhere with the numerous phone numbers and email addresses she has, Rachel finally calls the police department in the town where her aunt told her she had last lived. Rachel asks the Police officer to drive over to the house with a message to call her. But she never hears back. The police officer left a note on the door for her because nobody was home.
3) Rachel recalls her childhood and the kidnapping of her little brother her little brother and how her mom blamed her and never showed loved toward her again. She gets fucked up and decides she never wants to see her mom again anyway. What’s the point?
4) Now really angry, she sets out to confront her mom. She drives to the little town where she thinks she’ll find her mom but when she arrives and rings the door bell a stranger answers the door. A nice couple is renting the house. Seeing how distraught and messed up Rachel is, they invite her in for a cup of coffee. At a loss, she finally agrees. They talk and try to come up with some clues at which time Rachel breaks down. The couple, encourages her and invite her to spend the night so she can get some rest. But she’s embarrassed and humiliated and turns them down.
Turning Point 2: MIDPOINT:
Rachel drives around the town criticizing its podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets high and finds a pub. After a beer and a shot and having folks be too nice to her, she leaves. With nowhere to go, she ends up back at the house and humbly decides to accept the kind couple’s invitation to spend the night.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Act 3 – With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
New Plan:
The next morning, over breakfast with the kind couple, the man shows Rachel a PO Box address where he sends the rent checks. Rachel’s, unexpectedly feels excited and curious. There’s no turning back. These people have made her see a new way. She graciously says her goodbyes and drives South determined to see her mom.
Turning Point 3:
Rachel finally finds her Mom in a convalescent home. She is unconscious and has been for quite sometime with no guarantee of waking up.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Act 4
Climax: Rachel is committed to waking her mom out of her coma. She visits daily, to the dismay of the Nurse who is overly protective with no knowledge of Rachel’s existence. Rachel not only has to break through to her Mom, but she also has to win over the Nurse, who eventually engages with Rachel. They share stories and become friendly. Each day presents a new tactic to reach her Mom. Including bringing her guitar and singing songs, perhaps that she’s written for her and reading poetry, etc. The nurse can reach Rachel’s Mom in a way that is secret until Mom is ready to acknowledge Rachel.
Resolution: Perhaps Mom can’t open her eyes. But she’s changed from the visits and from the Nurse’s persistence.Rachel breaks down, desperate for a connection, ready to give up. Mom takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it hard. This is enough.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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double
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan. Reason: Two separate replies
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned from this assignment is that setting up a structure this way, identifying the character journey, will keep me on track and get from beginning to end without wandering and having to constantly re-think where I’m headed in the story, thereby ensuring a complete draft that can be edited later. This takes a lot of stress and pressure off my plate and makes me more confident.
Concept: Rachel sets out to find and confront her long-time estranged Mother before it’s too late.
Conflict: Rachel is emotionally tortured with the idea that she may have regrets if she never sees her Mother again.
Old Ways:
– People pleasing, lacks self esteem, self loathing.
– Looks to others for answers, believes others have the answers.
– Reckless, righteous, and emotional.
– Resents her Mother for her lack of care and interest.
– Angry. Destructive. Uses alcohol and drugs to escape.
New ways:
– Bold and self assured.
– Evolved.
– Courageous.
– Healthy in mind and body.
– Loving
– Successful
Act 1: 25 to 30 pages — Set up and see Old Ways.
Opening: On Rachel, 50’s, at her desk writing. She frets, lights a joint, sips coffee, looks at photos. One of a young boy, in particular. Montage (1972) Rachel (9 yrs old) outside the fence of public elementary school waves at little boy (7) who runs to her. They walk hand in hand. Play in the park. Dad outside Rachel’s school. Rachel excited to see Dad. Rachel outside same school waiting. Empty school lot. No little boy. Little boy with Dad getting in car. A woman in the passenger seat. Rachel home alone after school playing with barbies. Rachel answers the phone. Rachel and Mom at home in high rise apartment very late with cops standing in a circle in their living room. Rachel crying. Mother yelling and crying. Dad, woman and little boy on a plane. Dad, woman and little boy leaving airport in Puerto Rico. Mom answers phone, hangs up. Mom enraged yells at Rachel. Cops settle Mom down. Rachel runs to her room. Rachel, (age 13, 1977) in front of her apartment building, finishes up a joint while removing makeup with a tissue. She takes a swig from the pint of JD in her purse and throws a sweatshirt over her sexy top. She enters her apartment where her mom and Japanese step father are having dinner. Rachel is late. Mom, 31, blonde caucasian, wears a kimono, comes after Rachel yelling. Rachel skulks into her bedroom closes the door. At the dinner table, Mom scolds her for putting ketchup on her rice which is unacceptable. Rachel retorts. Mom cues, Rachel’s step-dad, (28, Japanese, athletic), he back hands Rachel across the face. Rachel screams runs to her room. Later, Rachel checks to make sure they are sleeping. She throws her clothes out the window and sneaks out the back door with a partially empty empty duffle bag. Friend waits in car as she scoops up her clothes. They drive off.
Inciting Incident: Rachel (Present, 50’s), at her desk, struggles with writing her memoir. There are paintings on the walls of her work that reflect her struggle. The phone rings. She answers; it’s her Aunt calling to let her know that Rachel’s Uncle, her mom’s brother has shot him in the head. Rachel’s aunt has no idea where mom is living. None of the phone numbers she’s has tried work.
Turning Point: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel struggles to concentrate and contemplates trying to find her Mother. Montage, 1973-4. Rachel sits in passenger seat with mom at the wheel at a stop light. They laugh as mom pumps the breaks making the car rock to the beat of the music. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow”
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Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways.
Reaction: Rachel gets trashed and recounts the past thrashing about until she wears herself out, paralyzed with emotions taking over. She is belligerent, confused and destructive as she struggles with the responsibility of having to contact her Mother.
The Plan:
1) Rachel, a hung over mess, gets cleaned up and tries to work on her memoir in order to distract herself but is haunted with memories sending her into another bout of rage. She justifies all that happened as an excuse to say fuck it!
2) Getting nowhere with the numerous phone numbers and email addresses she has, Rachel finally calls the police department in the town where her aunt told her she had last lived. Rachel asks the Police officer to drive over to the house with a message to call her. But she never hears back. The police officer left a note on the door for her because nobody was home.
3) Rachel recalls her childhood and the kidnapping of her little brother her little brother and how her mom blamed her and never showed loved toward her again. She gets fucked up and decides she never wants to see her mom again anyway. What’s the point?
4) Now really angry, she sets out to confront her mom. She drives to the little town where she thinks she’ll find her mom but when she arrives and rings the door bell a stranger answers the door. A nice couple is renting the house. Seeing how distraught and messed up Rachel is, they invite her in for a cup of coffee. At a loss, she finally agrees. They talk and try to come up with some clues at which time Rachel breaks down. The couple, encourages her and invite her to spend the night so she can get some rest. But she’s embarrassed and humiliated and turns them down.
Turning Point 2: MIDPOINT:
Rachel drives around the town criticizing its podunk nowhere nothingness. She gets high and finds a pub. After a beer and a shot and having folks be too nice to her, she leaves. With nowhere to go, she ends up back at the house and humbly decides to accept the kind couple’s invitation to spend the night.
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Act 3 – With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways.
New Plan:
The next morning, over breakfast with the kind couple, the man shows Rachel a PO Box address where he sends the rent checks. Rachel’s, unexpectedly feels excited and curious. There’s no turning back. These people have made her see a new way. She graciously says her goodbyes and drives South determined to see her mom.
Turning Point 3:
Rachel finally finds her Mom in a convalescent home. She is unconscious and has been for quite sometime with no guarantee of waking up.
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Act 4
Climax: Rachel is committed to waking her mom out of her coma. She visits daily, to the dismay of the Nurse who is overly protective with no knowledge of Rachel’s existence. Rachel not only has to break through to her Mom, but she also has to win over the Nurse, who eventually engages with Rachel. They share stories and become friendly. Each day presents a new tactic to reach her Mom. Including bringing her guitar and singing songs, perhaps that she’s written for her and reading poetry, etc. The nurse can reach Rachel’s Mom in a way that is secret until Mom is ready to acknowledge Rachel.
Resolution: Perhaps Mom can’t open her eyes. But she’s changed from the visits and from the Nurse’s persistence.Rachel breaks down, desperate for a connection, ready to give up. Mom takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it hard. This is enough.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s Lead Character Interviews
What I learned with this assignment is that each character needs to go through this process. In the past, I’d start with one character and have less clarity on the others hoping for them to unfold, thereby causing the story to be too one sided. Doing this helped me to find a balance between the characters, and find the different perspectives from the same information. I also found that “tell me about yourself” is different from telling “the story/conflict”, which at first felt the same.
Questions for Rachel (protagonist):
1) Tell me about yourself – I am half Puerto Rican and half Norwegian. Yes, both hot and cold. I grew up way too early and was given adult responsibilities from the age of six. I have a Puerto Rican father who died about five years ago, and two Japanese step fathers, one of whom I liked and respected, the other who I hated and found despicable. Because of my childhood circumstances, I was too mature for my age and overly self sufficient. Today, I am a performing artist and musician. I have had great unexpected success in my career, having pursued my dreams with a vengeance. I am highly evolved. I put all my garbage into my craft and worked hard. Of course, because after being endlessly criticized, I had something to prove and became a perfectionist driven to be loved and liked. I’m a people pleaser learning now not to be so much. I am finally in a good stable relationship. I’ve had lots of setbacks but I work really hard to overcome them and always seek happiness and lightness of being.
2) I was called to this journey, because I am the daughter of a woman from whom I am estranged. And nobody else can make this journey but me. I have waited for her to make the journey and now know that that won’t happen. See above.
3) What is it about this journey that makes it difficult for me? The fear of seeing my Mom’s critical look and still being criticized. The fear of not getting what I need out of it, in spite of the fact that I have accepted that I may not and that she likely hasn’t changed much. The fear of her still blaming me for the kidnapping of my brother who she’s never had a relationship with. The fear of her denial. The fear that I’ll never hear her tell me that she’s proud of me. I also fear becoming emotional in front of her and not getting what I need in return. The fear of being too late.
4) The most difficult thing I will have to change in order to make this journey will be to let go of any expectations and accept that she is and always will be who she is. And also I will have to let go of my stubborn pride and the idea that it’s her job to be the Mother and that she should have come to me first.
5) The habits and ways of thinking that I will have to let go of, are being right and not being lovable and my pride. I will have to let go of any expectations that anything will have changed.
6) The fears, insecurities and wounds that I have held back are that I am filled with shame for that which I may not be completely responsible for. That those actions are unforgivable. See above…
7) What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? I am a survivor and able to put myself in the face of danger. I am resilient and have been through worse than this journey. I have evolved with intention, ie. tons of self help avenues. I know how it feels to be whole, for the most part, even though it wavers. I have a strong understanding of the human condition. (More above on background.) She is my Mom.
8) What do you think of Mom? That she also is a survivor. That she was too young and out of her element. Narcissistic. Intelligent. Detached and in denial. That she has to move on and never look back in order to survive, or not have to face herself or her wake of destruction.
9) What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
That I still struggle with self esteem. My shame story about the sexual abuses I endured during childhood. My lack of self worth. Being a runaway and having to live and hide in undesirable and shameful circumstances.
10) Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. My Mom left my Dad and brought me to the states when I was three years old, leaving my younger, 1 1/2 yr old brother behind. We went to live with my Grandparents in Illinois and lived in their basement until my Mom found a job. Skipping ahead, I went to ten different schools by the time I barely graduated from high school, due to truancy as opposed to lack of smarts. I went to an affluent school with very wealthy kids for third and fourth grade, where I excelled and had skipped fourth grade initially only to be put back in the fourth grade because my Mom didn’t want me to be with the older kids, as I was already overly mature both physically and emotionally. I believe however that it was because my Mom was very young and didn’t want people to think she was even younger than she was. But mostly because I was growing up way to fast and her boyfriends often commented on my looks and thought we were sisters. She was very jealous. Okay I will abbreviate, as I’m also telling you too much about Mom and that’s next. Ha! However, this is where things began to go downhill. I was left home alone from the age of 6. Apparently, I was mature enough to take care of myself? My family would joke about how our great dane would take me for walks. When I was in first grade I was home alone and poured myself a glass of wine, took a bubble bath and shaved my legs, for example. Then we moved to a high-rise in Chicago where I was the only child living in the building. I made friends and hung out with all the old Jewish widows learning how to knit and crochet. Anyhow, this is the time period in which inciting events happened that would forever changed the trajectory of my life.
We moved again. From the city to a northern suburb. And I was now enrolled in my fifth school for fifth grade, eleven years old. This is where the trouble began. My mom was never around and left me to my own devices to learn. I was an ice skater and made new friends and the party started. A lot of my new friends were young adults, and I could pass for 18-20 when I was 14 years old. for example, I could buy alcohol for my older friends at thirteen.<font face=”inherit”> I got an apartment when I was thirteen and painted it, moved in, and shortly thereafter was picked up by the police and taken in to the station where my Mom picked me up and admitted me into a lockup facility for derelicts where I spent three months. I was happy go-lucky on the outside with a dark internal life, carrying the burden deep seated self loathing, low self esteem and shame. I had run away from home because my Mom had been match-made with a man (Kendo Sensei) who was fresh off the boat from Japan (spoke no English) at the age of twelve, and I was suddenly expected to behave like a nice girl from Japan who would never be out after dark. They were objects of service. My Mom was suddenly being present and inauthentic, running around in a kimono, bowing “hai hai” only speaking Japanese and being submissive (complete 360 and out of character). I was forced to go to Japanese school with Japanese American 1st graders who stood half my height. A lot happened between the ages of 6-17 to make me who am today (1970-1980). In the telling of my Mom’s story below, I reveal the inciting event at age 8 when my brother came to live with us briefly. It’s a source of shame for me, as I always was made to feel responsible for his disappearance. As a result, I’ve made many bad choices that held me back. But I always felt that my past has made me who I am today, and I got to have a lot of fun while being there. And then we jump to today. I haven’t had a relationship with my Mom at all since I had to drop out of college mid semester because my Mom’s check bounced. We tried to communicate on and off over the years, but she was detached and it was toxic and extremely critical. I think because she may have been jealous of my sense of adventure and freedom. Finally, about 15 years ago, at the advise of others, and because I couldn’t accept her lack of compassion for me, I cut her off I said “If you’re going to be pompous like everyone says you are, and you can’t just say everything will be alright and I love you, then I don’t want to talk to you anymore. The branch doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She said okay, and she hung up. I never heard from her again. Recently, I will get an email saying “Happy Birthday. Love, Mom”. This phone conversation happened at a time when I had gotten myself into a horrible situation where I lost all my money and credit to a man and was in danger. This was later in life when I thought I had my shit together and was on top of the world only to come tumbling down and land on my head. I really needed something from her and realized she’d never be capable of giving it without being critical and judgmental. Love. I think I’ve spent most of my life trying not to be the bad parts of my Mom. But I recognize the strengths I have inherited and learned from being her daughter, too. I was always too emotional for her liking. “Smile, there’s nothing to frown about.” That wasn’t at all true. And then one day more recently I wasn’t emotional and got tough. And now I am again and I embrace my pain. And I still struggle. Being older now and having everything I want, for the most part, I understand that she won’t change. I feel sorry for her, and I wonder how deeply she has buried her losses. I’m curious. I wonder if I’ll feel bad if she dies before I decide to find her. Or if seeing would be the death of her. And then I think perhaps she’ll outlive us all. I’m torn. In spite of the successes I continue to achieve, I often never feel that it’s enough. I always stack my plate too high and criticize myself when I don’t follow through to the end, because I recognize that as self sabotage. Or still not feeling that I’m enough or worthy.11) What does it do for your life if you succeed here? It exonerates me of having regrets. Makes me the bigger person. Ugh. I said that.
12) Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you…. ???
Rachel Profile – Daughter (Protagonist)
Age range and Description: Middle aged (50’s) and Youngster (8-14), Half Caucasian, half Puerto Rican.
Internal Journey: Needs to have closure with Mother before she dies.
External Journey: Takes a road trip to find her Mother’s whereabouts.
Motivation: Peace of Mind. Curiosity.
Wound: Unloved by her Mother. Responsible for the kidnapping of her little brother. Has never felt good enough. Abused.
Mission/Agenda: To see and confront her Mother before she’s gone.
Secret: Deep guilt and shame for having been abused sexually as a child. And also for destructive behavior and relationships.
What makes Rachel special? Extremely self sufficient and resourceful, in spite of not having the support in order to succeed. Quirky, funny, positive – even when the chips are down. Mature, Independent, determined, survivor. Handy. Resilient. Rebellious.
What draws us to this character?
Rachel is a scapegoat and has the burden of adult responsibilities as a young girl. She is constantly criticized by her Mom who isn’t present enough to set an example. Rachel excels in spite of this. She is smart and entertaining and sensitive with a heart of gold and only wants to be loved by everyone and anyone. She is heartbreaking, resilient and overcomes or embraces all that is thrown her way. She is her own hero.
Traits: Kind, bubbly, generous, risk taker, edgy. OCD, perfectionist. Destructive, party girl. Sarcastic. Honest/dishonest.<div>
Subtext: Resentful. Sad. Pain, unworthy, insecure. Jealous. all-knowing. Defensive.
Flaw: Reckless, Guilt, Shame, Entitled, Overly self-sufficient, lacks self worth, rebellious.
Values: Honesty, Justice, Integrity, Pride. Success.
Irony: Rachel fights for justice while being defiant, sneaky and rebellious in order to outsmart authority or get away from her Mom. She believes this is best for her well being. Can be sarcastic when defending herself. Disobedient and independent because she doesn’t trust anyone. Runs away and gets her own apartment at the age of 14.
What makes Rachel the right character for this role?
Rachel, as a child, is overly mature and has endured more than any child her age should have to. She is able to present as someone way beyond her years. She never stops being kind to people she respects, because she longs to be loved and recognized as a good person. As an adult, she has proven herself and found a community in which she belongs. And she has does the hard work to get there. She is successful in her own right but continues to struggle and works through it with tons of self care. She is, as an adult, a little OCD and struggles with perfectionism.
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Questions for Mom (Antagonist):
1) Tell me about yourself – I am a caucasian woman of Norwegian and English decent. I am 75 years old, and recently received a doctorate as a Naturopath, after many other reincarnations. I am resourceful and am like a cat having lived many lives. I have been married three times. My first husband was Puerto Rican with whom I had two children. A daughter, Rachel, now 58, who I haven’t seen or talked to in many years. Although, I have occasionally wished her a Happy Birthday via email over the years. And a son who is 56, who I haven’t seen since he was 6. I live alone in a small town. I am educated, and very cultured. After my first divorce, I worked for a famous baby heart surgeon I almost married. He was twice my age. And then I worked for Japan Airlines for many years. I speak Japanese which drew me to martial arts and my second and third husbands. I raised my third husbands children. He was abusive and horrible. And I am estranged from his children. I am content on my own. I am nomadic.
2) Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? My strengths are that I keep going and don’t look back, which is also my weakness. My weaknesses are my need to be right and have control. I view being a Mother as the authoritarian figure and can’t see it any other way.
3) Why are you committed to making Rachel change? I am committed to making Rachel change so that she lives up to my standards. Deep down, I probably don’t want her to make my mistakes. But externally I have high expectations of her because she is my daughter and is not living up to her potential.
4) What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? The opportunity to brag about how well I raised my daughter. I don’t want to be embarrassed of her. I am all about appearance. I am shallow. I want a trophy daughter I can take credit for.
5) What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? My ego, on the surface. Deep down, she’s my daughter and I love and want the best for her?
6) What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? My jealousy of Rachel’s freedom to be who she wants. My jealousy of boyfriends noticing her maturity and finding her attractive. I never truly got over the failure of my 1st marriage, and love/hate him.
7) Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I am always right. I am critical. I am a chameleon and nomadic. I am full of myself. I can hide my feelings to be right. Stoic.
8) What do you think of Rachel (Protagonist)? I am jealous of her and secretly proud and envious of her ability to become what she has chosen to be. I admire her strength and resilience, secretly.
9) Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
My father died when I was six years old. And nobody told me he was never coming back. He was my hero and the one who loved me most, as I had two older brothers and my Mother who raised her younger sisters during the depression never letting me forget that, preferred boys and made no effort to hide that. After my Father died, my Mother married a militant military man, an officer in the Navy in order to have financial stability for herself and her three children. It seemed a loveless marriage which she made known. She had a son with him late in life, a step brother who I could never stand, as he was the source of all her attention. We moved a lot and when I was 17, my brother brought home his handsome Puerto Rican friend who he became buddies with in the service. He was handsome and we had sex and I got pregnant. We got married quickly so that I would not have to move to Bangkok with them. I moved to Puerto Rico to start a life with this man I hardly knew without speaking the language. Within a year and a half I gave birth to my second child, a son. My first was my daughter Rachel. Their father was “away at work” a lot, he had 13 brothers and sisters who helped to keep me company and care for me. Meanwhile, I became anxious and wanted to go back home. He was spending a lot of time studying medicine with a female “cousin”. I did not approve of this, as he was supposed to be raising a family… I was jealous and lacking his attention. And in fact, he was having an affair with this woman whom he married soon after I left and quickly had 3 children with her… I took Rachel and left my son with his Evangelist preacher grandparents in hopes of coming back for him once I was back home and settled with income. I moved into my mothers basement with Rachel. Once on my own, I took Rachel to see her Father and was intimate with him after he’d already married Fathered 3 more children. After that trip where Rachel also met her little brother who was about 6, she started nagging at me about having him live with us. So I sent her to stay with her Dad’s sister in California and went to PR to see my son. He was 6. I told his grandmother, who was raising hem since his father already had a new family and no room for him, that I was taking my boy shopping and instead we hopped on a plane never to return. I hid out at an older couples/friends’ home while attending to my son who didn’t speak English and had pneumonia. I feared that he might die. And while my daughter was visiting California, her Dad went and picked her up and used her as a bartering chip to get my son back to his Grandmother who claimed him for her own, as her husband had recently died and she needed a companion. This woman didn’t even raise any of her own 15 children. Eventually, Rachel’s dad sent her home. She went back to her elite school and I put her brother in a public school, as he didn’t speak English. I was frightened and then one day, Rachel’s dad and his wife showed up at her school and asked the head master to see her. He manipulated her into telling him where her brother went to school, and that day, he never made it home from school, shattering me deeply. Rachel was too you, 8 or 9, to put the pieces together. She was so focused on her dad coming to visit her. That night we had police officers at the apartment trying to find out if he’d gone to a friends, who is friends were if any, etc. Until her dad called at 2 am to report that my son was back at his grandmother’s where he belonged and would stay for the remainder of his childhood. I was so angry. I blamed Rachel and don’t think I’ve ever been able to forgive her. I remarried twice more, both men were from Japan. The first was when Rachel was 12. She so badly wanted to have a Dad. Having worked for Japan Airlines, I learned to speak Japanese and also spent my younger days engaging in martial arts such as Aikido and Kendo with friends, which is how I met my second husband, Rachel’s step dad, with whom I was match-made by an older Korean man who was a Kendo Sensei, as was my new husband to be. He would invite me to go out for drinks after Kendo class. I married him, in part, because my daughter desperately wanted a step father and he seemed to be the first of many men who was a contender. And I was still young and tried numerous times, intravenously, to have a baby with him. After several miscarriages, I gave up and found him to be too weak for me. My third husband, I met at work and had befriended bringing home to make friends with my 2nd husband. Eventually, we had an affair, and I agreed to help him, so that he could bring his 2 kids back from Japan, one of which was caucasian, and looked like me. He had adopted him from his drug addict wife and never told this kid he wasn’t Japanese. The second daughter was his with the same mother as the first. I never went back home to my husband. We got divorced and I married number 3 raised his children until they left the nest. They are also now estranged from me. Husband 3 was a difficult, volatile complicated and street smart man. Completely against my nature and the first man who I ever submitted to and lost control. I alienated Rachel at this time, completely, just in order to avoid conflict with my husband and his children. I don’t think I’ve ever realized the impact this may have had on her. She was about 20 years old at this time. I live alone in a small town now and keep things simple and to myself. I go on as I always do. And as on must in my shoes. My oldest brother drank himself to death when he was mid fifties. And my brother recently shot himself in the head. I was the black sheep of the family. And I’m still here.
Mother Profile – Authority Figure
Age range and Description: Younger Barb Mid 20’s-30’s, Older Barb mid 70’s
Internal Journey: Cold. Militant. Narcissistic, Pompous and judgmental, leaving a wake of destruction behind her where ever she goes. Not sure how humbled she becomes, if at all. Regrets. Alone. Perhaps tries to show love but never is apologetic.
External Journey: Nomadic. Moves from relationship to relationship and from place to place starting over once she’s done with current set of circumstances. Numerous jobs and career moves. Ends up unconscious literally.
Motivation: Self serving. Escaping the depths of her pain and destruction by abandoning circumstances and changing location. To have a life without conflict or having to face the past.
Wound: Left her son behind, and eventually abandoned her daughter, as well. Empty. Alone. Not that likable. Her father died at the age of six. Had a selfish, militant Mother.
Mission/Agenda: To abandon anything or anyone who causes her any discomfort. To lead her life as she sees fit, in spite of who may get hurt along the way. Self serve. Live in peace where nobody gets to know her too well.
Secret: Is filled with self loathing and regrets for past choices. Never stopped loving and hating my Dad. Resents Rachel for looking like her Dad and for getting to do what she never could. Hates/resents Rachel for sabotaging the kidnapping of her son, Rachel’s younger brother.
What makes her special? Able to be charming and pretend that everything is fine. Able to move on and not look back. Highly intelligent. A hidden emotional life that may never be revealed. Handy and resourceful. Resilient. Survivor. Self sufficient.
What draws us to Mom?
Mom is delusional with a sense of grandeur. She presents as opposite of who she is. She believes she’s a great Mom, when in fact she has never mothered either of her children or taken part in their lives. She initially, comes off as beautiful, charming, and poised; however, she is diabolical. Although she is cultured and intelligent, she is pompous and cold without a leg to stand on. She is not well liked; she is the black sheep of the family. She looks down her nose at people who don’t live up to her standards, and yet she doesn’t even live up to her standards. She is a hypocrite. And she is intensely critical of her daughter.
Traits: Flippant, dishonest, charming, cold and detached. Hot headed. Always right. Militant.
Subtext: Pompous, uptight. Makes light of when things get too heavy. Jealous. Judgmental. Rigid.
Flaw: Has alienated everyone and has never looked back. Entitled. Always right.
Values: Integrity, Rules, Laws, Power, Control, Culture, Education.
Irony: Breaks all the “rules” and is dishonest in order to be right. Believes that holding the title of “Mother” entitles her to be right, in spite of being absent and negligent. She holds her head high as if she were the greatest Mother on earth simply because she gave her daughter skim milk as a kid, thereby making sure she’d have strong bones.
What makes Mom the right character for this role?
Mom is right for this role because she is Rachel’s Mom. Her behavior and her actions make Rachel have to fight hard for what she has to overcome in order to become who she is today. It’s both heartbreaking and hopeful. Mom unknowingly forces Rachel into becoming her own hero by criticizing her, which ironically causes Mom to be proud of her. Mom is so inept and unable to celebrate her daughter’s successes that it’s gut-wrenching. So much so that we pray for her to change and have a loving last moment with Rachel.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan, Character Profiles Part 2
What I learned from this lesson is that the more the characters are developed, the more the story unfolds itself. And the more material there is to pull from in order to justify the plot points and story telling. Also, gives goals to work toward for each character, creating more conflict and resolution. Feeling pretty grateful right now!!!
1. Type of role for Protagonist: Rachel, Daughter (RUNNER/DREAMER)
2. Type of role for Antagonist: Barb, Mom (PREDATOR/NARCISSIST)
3. Other roles necessary: MINOR ROLES AND BACKGROUND
Rachel as a child, younger Mom, young Japanese Step Father, and supporting roles: young teens (13-20’s) Dr. Ken, 30’s, shrink/psychologist. Carly, (a Mom) 30-40 Stewart (Carol’s Son) (15-16)
4. Genre: DRAMA
5. Main Characters: Rachel and Mom
6. Timeframe: Present (2022) and past (1972-76ish)
7. Location: Midwest, Puerto Rico and maybe somewhere deep South like New Orleans.
1. Rachel – Daughter
Age range and Description: Middle aged (50’s) and Youngster (8-14), Half Caucasian, half Puerto Rican.
Internal Journey: Needs to make amends with her past and have closure with Mother before she dies.
External Journey: Takes a road trip to find her Mother’s whereabouts.
Motivation: Peace of Mind. Curiosity. Justice.
Wound: Unloved by her Mother. Responsible for the kidnapping of her little brother. Has never felt good enough. Abused.
Mission/Agenda: To see and confront her Mother before she’s gone.
Secret: Deep guilt and shame for having been incestuously abused sexually as a child and having committed the same offense believing that it was a show of love.
What makes her special? Extremely self sufficient and resourceful, in spite of not having the support in order to succeed. Quirky, funny, positive – even when the chips are down. Mature, Independent, determined, survivor. Handy. Resilient.
2. Mother (Barb) – Authority Figure
Age range and Description: Younger Barb Mid 20’s-30’s, Older Barb mid 70’s
Internal Journey: Cold. Militant. Narcissistic, Pompous and judgmental, leaving a wake of destruction behind her where ever she goes. Not sure how humbled she becomes, if at all. Regrets. Alone. Perhaps tries to show love but never becomes apologetic.
External Journey: Nomadic. Moves from relationship to relationship and from place to place starting over once she’s done with current set of circumstances. Numerous jobs and career moves. Winds up unconscious literally.
Motivation: Self serving. Escaping the depths of her pain and destruction by abandoning circumstances and changing location.
Wound: Left her son behind, and eventually her daughter, as well. Empty. Alone. Not that likable. Her father died at the age of six. Had a selfish, militant Mother.
Mission/Agenda: To abandon anything or anyone who causes her any discomfort. To lead her life as she sees fit, in spite of who may get hurt along the way. Self serve. Live in peace where nobody gets to know her too well.
Secret: Is filled with self loathing and regrets for past choices. Never stopped loving and hating my Dad. Resents Rachel for looking like her Dad and for getting to do what she never could. Hates Rachel for sabotaging the kidnapping of her son, Rachel’s younger brother.
What makes her special? Able to be charming and pretend that everything is fine. Able to move on and not look back. Highly intelligent. A hidden emotional life that may never be revealed. Handy and resourceful. Resilient. Survivor. Self sufficient.
3. Nurse Eleanor – Mother’s Caretaker
Age range and Description: Present only, mid 70’s, Stocky and Stern, Jewish. She is a nurse in a convalescent home.
Internal Journey: Suspicious. Stern and protective of Mother. Eventually opens up to Rachel and softens.
External Journey: Protects and cares for Mother and tries to turn Rachel away until she can’t deny her access anymore. Eventually becomes understanding and caring of Rachel’s predicament.
Motivation: To care for Mom (Barb) and keep anyone who shows up away from her.
Wound: Perhaps also has estranged children who don’t come to visit her.
Mission/Agenda: To do a good job and obey her patient’s wishes. Follow the rules.
Secret: Possibly in cahoots with Barb who may not really be unconscious.
What makes her special? I don’t know yet. It may be that she can knit and crochet and shares this with Rachel after some time passes. She’s a protector. Quirky. Suspicious.
What draws us to Rachel?
Rachel is a scapegoat and has the burden of adult responsibilities as a young girl. She is constantly criticized by her Mom who isn’t present enough to set an example. Rachel excels in spite of this. She is smart and entertaining and sensitive with a heart of gold and only wants to be loved by everyone and anyone. She is heartbreaking, resilient and overcomes or embraces all that is thrown her way. She is her own hero.
Traits: Kind, generous, risk taker, edgy. OCD, perfectionist.
Subtext: Tough in the face of criticism. Sarcastic. Tries to hide her pain but tends to wear her heart on her sleeve.
Flaw: Innocence, Guilt, Shame, Overly self-sufficient, lacks self worth, rebellious.
Values: Honesty, Justice, Integrity, Pride.
Irony: Rachel is defiant, sneaky and rebellious in order to outsmart authority or get away from her Mom. She believes this is best for her well being. Can be sarcastic when defending herself. Disobedient and independent because she doesn’t trust anyone. Runs away and gets her own apartment at the age of 14.
What makes Rachel the right character for this role?
Rachel, as a child, is overly mature and has endured more than any child her age should have to. She is able to present as someone way beyond her years. She never stops being kind to people she respects, because she longs to be loved and recognized as a good person. As an adult, she has proven herself and found a community in which she belongs. And she has does the hard work to get there. She is successful in her own right but continues to struggle and works through it with tons of self care. She is, as an adult, a little OCD and struggles with perfectionism. She is both heartbreaking and inspiring.
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<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What draws us to Mom?
Mom is delusional with a sense of grandeur. She presents as opposite of who she is. She believes she’s a great Mom, when in fact she has never mothered either of her children or taken part in their lives. She initially, comes off as beautiful, charming, and poised; however, she is diabolical. Although she is cultured and intelligent, she is pompous and cold without a leg to stand on. She is not well liked; she is the black sheep of the family. She looks down her nose at people who don’t live up to her standards, and yet she doesn’t even live up to her standards. She is a hypocrite. And she is intensely critical of her daughter.
Traits: Pompous, rigid, Impatient, dishonest, charming, cold and detached. Hot headed. Always right.
Subtext: Ingenuous and flippant. Makes light of when things get too heavy. And overreacts to whatever threatens her authority. Stiffens and becomes judgmental when she’s jealous or left out.
Flaw: Has alienated everyone and has never looked back. Entitled. Always right.
Values: Integrity, Rules, Laws, Power, Control, Culture, Education.
Irony: Breaks all the “rules” and is dishonest in order to be right. Believes that holding the title of “Mother” entitles her to be right, in spite of being absent and negligent. She holds her head high as if she were the greatest Mother on earth simply because she gave her daughter skim milk as a kid, thereby making sure she’d have strong bones.
What makes this the right character for this role?
Mom is right for this role because her behavior and her actions make Rachel have to fight hard for what she has to overcome in order to become who she is today. It’s both heartbreaking and hopeful. Mom unknowingly forces Rachel into becoming her own hero through which ironically is the person she can be proud of. If only Mom could get past her own jealousy of not having a life as complete as Rachel’s. Mom is so inept and unable to celebrate her daughter’s successes that it’s gut-wrenching. So much so that we pray for a loving last moment with Rachel, who we cheer for in the end.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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I learned that going through this process first provides gold for story telling. Developing the characters in this way, makes me feel for lack of a better word, safe, and certain that I will finish, as opposed to wandering around in the story aimlessly with no finish line in sight. Thereby, giving up. Yay!!!
Lesson 2: Character Profiles Part 1
1. Type of role for Protagonist: Rachel, Daughter of Barb, (RUNNER/DREAMER)
2. Type of role for Antagonist: Mother (Barb for now), (VILLAIN/PREDATOR)
3. Other roles necessary: MINOR ROLES AND BACKGROUND
Rachel as a child, younger Mother, young Japanese Step Father, and supporting roles: young teens (13-20’s) and Dan, 24, musician, Dr. Kennis, 30’s, shrink/psychologist. Carol, (a Mom) 30-40 and Steve a teen (15-16) Trying to eliminate some characters by referencing that which already happened…
4. Genre: DRAMA
6. Timeframe: Present (2022) and past (1972-76ish)
. Location: Midwest – Evanston and somewhere else in the Midwest
1. Rachel – Daughter
Age range and Description: Middle aged (50’s) and Youngster (8-14), Half Caucasian, half Puerto Rican
Internal Journey: Needs to make amends with her past and have closure with Mother before she dies.
External Journey: Needs to take a road trip to find her Mother’s whereabouts.
Motivation: Peace of Mind. Curiosity.
Wound: Unloved by her Mother. Responsible for the kidnapping of her little brother. Has never felt good enough.
Mission/Agenda: To confront her Mother in person. Needs to see that her Mother cares about any of it, in spite of pretending nothing ever happened.
Secret: Deep remorse for having been incestuously abused sexually as a child and having committed the same offense believing that it was a show of love.
What makes her special? Extremely smart and talented in spite of not having the support in order to succeed. Quirky, funny and positive – even when the chips are down. Relentless and determined. Independent, survivor. Handy and resourceful. Resilient. Can rise to any occasion. Self sufficient.
2. Mother (Barb) – Authority Figure
Age range and Description: Younger Barb Mid 20’s-30’s, Older Barb mid 70’s
Internal Journey: Nomadic, Narcissistic, Pompous and judgmental, leaving a wake of destruction behind her where ever she goes. Not sure how humbled she becomes, if at all. Regrets.
External Journey: Nomadic. Cold. Moves from relationship to relationship and from place to place starting over once she’s done with her destruction. Numerous jobs and career moves. Winds up unconscious literally.
Motivation: Self serving. Escaping the depths of her pain and destruction.
Wound: Left her son behind, and eventually her daughter, as well. Empty. Alone. Not that likable. Her father died at the age of six. Selfish, militant Mother.
Mission/Agenda: To abandon anything or anyone who causes her any discomfort. To lead her life as she sees fit, in spite of who may get hurt along the way. Self serve. Live in peace where nobody gets to know her too well.
Secret: Is filled with self loathing and regrets past choices. Never stopped loving and hating my Dad. Resents Rachel for looking like her Dad. Hates Rachel for sabotaging the kidnapping of her son, Rachel’s younger brother.
What makes her special? Able to move on and not look back. Highly intelligent. A hidden emotional life that may never be revealed. Handy and resourceful. Resilient. Survivor. Self sufficient.
3. Nurse Eleanor – Mother’s Caretaker
Age range and Description: Present only, mid 70’s, Stocky and Stern, Jewish
Internal Journey: Stern and protective of Mother, defensive. Eventually opens up and softens.
External Journey: Protects and cares for Mother and tries to turn Rachel away until she can’t deny her access anymore. Eventually becomes understanding and caring of Rachel’s predicament.
Motivation: To care for Mother (Barb) and keep anyone who shows up away from her. She is a nurse in a convalescent home.
Wound: Perhaps also has estranged children who don’t come to visit her.
Mission/Agenda: To do a good job and obey her patient’s wishes.
Secret: Possibly in cahoots with Barb who may not really be unconscious.
What makes her special? I don’t know yet. It may be that she can knit and crochet and shares this with Rachel after some time passes. She’s a protector.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Rebecca Jordan’s transformational journey.
I learned that I don’t have all the answers yet and that’s okay. Also learning a new approach to character development and arc, as opposed to just writing in hopes that it will all come together which may have been the reason I couldn’t decide on anything, thereby not quite making it to a final draft.
My hero is Rachel, a middle-aged Puerto Rican American artist who while writing a memoir about her complicated and colorful past is hit hard with the idea that she may never again see her long-time estranged and narcissistic Mother. Experiencing much inner turmoil and unable to proceed with the memoir, Rachel sets out on a journey to find and confront her.
Rachel’s Internal Journey: Rachel, in spite of her lack of self worth and disdain for her Mother, is determined to heal and have a life with love in it. She knows that she can’t expect her Mother to change or make her feel better, but finds solace in doing what she feels is the right thing.
Rachel’s External Journey: Despite being neglected and having run away as a child, Rachel is now successful and respected in her industry. She sets out to find and confront her estranged Mother.
Old Ways:
– People pleasing, lacks self esteem, self loathing.
– Looks to others for answers, believes others have the answers.
– Reckless, righteous, and emotional.
– Resents her Mother for her lack of care and interest.
– Angry.
New ways:
– Confident and self assured.
– Evolved.
– Courageous.
– Healthy in mind and body.
– Loving.
– Successful.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Hi Cheryl,
I apologize for messaging here; however, I am still locked out of the 30 day class and have been waiting almost 2 hours for my ticket to be serviced, to no avail. I’m so looking forward to starting the class.
I have completed all the pre-work assignments, received all the emails (except for today’s lesson/I received something to take another class), introduced myself, and signed the non-disclosure agreement. But the class is locked and still reading “not enrolled”.
I’m not sure how long I’m supposed to wait, and I don’t want to fall behind as the day dwindles away. It’s later here…. I can see everyone else posting their assignments.
Thank you in advance for your help!
Rebecca Jordan
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I, Rebecca Jordan, agree to the terms of this release form.
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Hello Everyone,
I’m Rebecca Jordan. I have written one full length feature, over 20 years ago, and one short that was briefly in production but never completed. I then wrote that into a full length play which had a well received reading, but I hated it. I also wrote a surreal, to be animated, script thinking if only Quentin Tarantino could direct this… obviously, he didn’t.
I have recently gone back to the first feature, which I have reimagined in my head for the past several months, and when I saw the opportunity to take this class, it was a no-brainer.
Something unique, strange special about myself will hopefully be revealed in my script, as it is somewhat autobiographical. I am Puerto Rican American, raised for a while by a Japanese step father. I have performed opposite Ed Harris on stage, playing his wife. And I’m currently a background singer in the #1 Tom Petty tribute band.
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Hi Aurora,
I started the class 3 weeks in, so I just completed day 3, beat sheet. I’m willing to look your lessons over if you’d like to exchange feedback. I’m not sure how far along you are already. So you may not want to look back.
Thanks,
Rebecca
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Do you need a partner? I’m available to exchange feedback.
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Hi Robert,
I see some merit in your story and have questions. Would you like to partner up?
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@Peter,
I concur. I like that! Character points as opposed to plot points. Good point! See what I did there? All the best to you.
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Hi Tim,
Romantic Comedy
Best wishes to you!
Rebecca