[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Renee Brown]

Hi, Renee Brown here.

Written 2 scripts,

I am interested in writing profound stories

My DNA is 63% Scottish.

🙂

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s fascinating scene outline.

THE TASTE OF LONG LOST

Star crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town with big hearted secrets.

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

1-INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT (2001)

ALLEY WINDER Sings her heart out into a microphone – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother Lillian left behind. We then see Alley is singing alone in her bedroom.

Beginning: (mislead) Looks like she’s on stage

Middle: (intrigue) a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana.

End: (twist) actually… she’s alone in her bedroom.

Essence: Alley has big dreams of being a singer / songwriter.

Conflict: Song is based on a postcard Lillian left her before she disappeared.

Subtext: Alley still wonders where her grandmother is.

Hope/Fear: We hope she will make it. We fear she is keeping her talent hidden away.

2-EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY- DAY (1945)

17-year-old LILLIAN LAMONT at her Mother and Father’s funeral in war torn Normandy. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.

EXT. STREET – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.

INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)

Broken English and French from both. Joe asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Lillian’s parent’s funeral. (surprise) The war is over!

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Proper to stay, but Lillian runs toward life. (twist) falls for a soldier at the parade.

End: (Uncertainty) Lillian agrees to marry Joe, even though she just met him.

Scene Arc: From grieving orphan to a bright future of love.

Essence: Lillian is running from death, toward life.

Conflict: Her town is in ruin.

Subtext: She wants out, even if it means marrying a stranger.

Hope/Fear: We hope she has found true love. We fear Joe might break her vulnerable heart.

3-INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams in. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.

EXT. CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out! Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow.

Beginning: (interesting setting) Lillian marries Joe in a half-bombed church.

Middle: (superior Position) We catch the comment that Lillian does not — about it being a Catholic wedding.

End: (uncertainty / cliffhanger) They’re shipping out! Joe gives Lillian a ticket for a civilian ship to follow him.

Scene Arc: From together in wedding to being pulled apart by war.

Essence: The innocence of actions fueled by war.

Conflict: The church where they make their vows is in ruin.

Subtext: Joe knows his family won’t like her or her beliefs.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian just found love. We fear she has been abandoned again.

4-INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)

Lillian and her friend fantasize about Lillian’s American Adventure while they pack her bags.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Lillian and friend are so sad to part.

Middle: (Intrigue) Friend gives Lillian a collection of postcards and makes Lillian promise to go to at least one place.

End: (Mislead) Lillian and friend whip up a frenzy of expectations about what America will be like.

Scene Arc: From sad about separation to ecstatic about Lillian’s glamourous new life.

Essence: Hope

Conflict: She is preparing to go alone

Subtext: Lillian is making up a future that might not exist.

Hope/Fear: We hope for Lillian’s great adventure. We fear she is living in a fantasy.

5-EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA, MONTANA (2001)

Wandering Street jeweler CJ CLAIM Falls for Alley after he rescues her from the asshole she’s with. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. – it falls off the bike. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace. CJ pockets the other half of the stone.

Beginning: (uncertainty) wandering jeweler (CJ) trying to make it through another day and sell his work.

Middle: (surprise) CJ stops the jerk from manhandling Alley. The jerk knocks over the case.

End: (intrigue) Alley picks out a broken stone for her necklace

Scene Arc: From wandering man to man in love

Essence: Love at first sight is real

Conflict: He’s poor and she’s with a jerk

Subtext: CJ doesn’t have a chance – or does he? Alley is not afraid of broken things.

Hope/Fear: We want them to get together. We fear she will leave with the Jerk.

6-INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula. CJ kisses Alley for the first time.

INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – DAY (2001)

Alley making cookies. Explains to CJ these cookies are special – her long lost grandma taught her. Only she and Lillian know the recipe. Alley takes small savoring bites. CJ eats them whole.

EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA, MONTANA – DAY (2001)

CJ tells Alley about his mom – a serial cheater who left him and his abusive father when he was seven.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Alley shares her song. It inspires CJ to kiss her.

Middle: (Mystery) Alley shares the pain of being abandoned by Lillian.

End: (Mystery) CJ shares the pain of being abandoned by his cheating mother and living with his abusive father.

Scene Arc: From strangers to trusted lover.

Essence: Sharing secrets / vulnerability

Conflict: Alley wants CJ to savor them, but he’s chomping them down.

Subtext: Alley takes small savoring bites. She’s timid about life. CJ eats them whole like he does life.

Hope/Fear: We hope they are meant to be. We fear they have given each other weapons to hurt each other.

Act One Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

7-EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA – DAY (1945)

Lillian has arrived – sitting on the dock in America. Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.

Beginning: (Betrayal) Lillian, sitting on her suitcase. Joe didn’t show.

Middle: (cliffhanger) they want to send her back to France.

End: (internal dilemma) Lillian refuses to go.

Scene Arc: From big arrival to big abandonment.

Essence: Lillian has been stood up on a colossal scale.

Conflict: They want to send her back to France.

Subtext: Alley still believes

Hope/Fear: We hope Joe will arrive. We fear Lillian will be sent back.

8-EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks he is talking about her. Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

9-EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her into the river.

Beginning: (misinterpretation /betrayal) Alley mis-hears CJ, thinks it’s about her.

Middle: (misinterpretation /betrayal) CJ accuses Alley of cheating.

End: (character changes radically) Alley throws her necklace in the river… then immediately regrets it.

Scene Arc: From happy and proud musician to devastated and heartbroken woman.

Essence: The big misunderstanding that spins both lives out of orbit.

Conflict: Alley overhears CJ being mean

Subtext: He isn’t the man she thought he was / She isn’t the woman he thought she was.

Hope/Fear: We hope they will talk it out. We fear they will ruin their true love.

Act 2 (Lost Years)

10-EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA -DAY (1945)

Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time.

Beginning: (

Middle:

End:

Scene Arc: From abandoned bride to rescued bride

Essence: Joe shows up

Conflict: It was the last possible moment.

Subtext: This is a bad omen.

Hope/Fear: We hope their adventure can now begin. We fear this is just the beginning of Lillian’s disappointment.

11-EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1945)

Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s entire family lives on one long, dirt road.

INT. JOE’S PARENT’S HOUSE – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1945)

Joe’s family makes fun of the “Fancy French” outsider’s mispronounced words.

INT. BEDROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1946)

This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then discovers she is pregnant. She unpacks her bags.

Beginning: (more interesting setting / uncomfortable moment) Lillian arrives to her new life – opposite her glamourous dreams.

Middle: (external dilemma / uncomfortable moment) Lillian is not accepted. Packs her bag to leave Joe.

End: (character changes radically) Lillian is pregnant. She stays.

Scene Arc: From disillusioned to trapped.

Essence: the opposite of Lillian’s dream.

Conflict: Unwelcoming family

Subtext: requiem for a dream.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find a way out. We fear the light in her will go out.

12-EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Joe and brothers bring home a small buck in the back of the truck. It shocks Lillian — it’s so small.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Joe hangs the mounted head of the young buck on the wall. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it like the friend she does not have.

Beginning: (uncomfortable / surprise) Joe brings home a dead young deer.

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Joe hangs the deer head in the living room.

End: (Intrigue/surprise) Lillian starts talking to the mounted deer head.

Scene Arc: From alone to having a friend.

Essence: Innocence meets innocence.

Conflict: The deer had to die for her to have an imaginary friend.

Subtext: she might be losing her grip

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds solace here. We fear she is in for a lonely life.

13-INT. BEARCLAW TAVERN – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)

Heartbroken CJ gets drunk with best friend and his dog gets hit by a truck.

EXT. ICY MOUNTAIN ROAD – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)

CJ gets into a near fatal accident while taking his dog up the mountain so it can die at home.

Beginning: (uncertainty) CJ gets drunk with friend. Friend bashes Alley. CJ struggles – he still loves her.

Middle: (uncomfortable / surprise) dog runs out of tavern to chase a deer. Gets hit by a truck.

End: (cliffhanger) drunk CJ, slips off the road and rolls his truck into a ravine.

Scene Arc: from heartbroken to almost dead.

Essence: downward spiral

Conflict: His dog is dying, the roads are icy, and he is drunk.

Subtext: CJ is now self-destructive in his heartbreak.

Hope/Fear: We hope he will make it up the mountain. We fear he will have an accident.

14-INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – MISSOULA – NIGHT (PRESENT DAY)

Alley’s apathy driven life has fallen apart. Alley goes to her best friend who calls out Alley for not smiling for years. Alley decides she will go to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. To Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.

Beginning: (uncertainty) Alley searches out her friend to feel better

Middle: (betrayal) Friend calls her out for acting the victim in her life.

End: (intrigue) Alley decides to go to Soaking Springs where there is a place that’s called Lillian’s Resort Motel.

Scene Arc: Seeking support to getting tough love to escape.

Essence: Alley’s apathy has caught up with her.

Conflict: Her friend is not letting her get away with it.

Subtext: dodging accountability. Searching for her long-lost grandmother in a name.

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will find support with friend. We fear Alley will lash out when presented with truth.

15-SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)

CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself.

FLASHBACK – DAY OF BREAKUP (2001)

We see CJ’s side of the painful breakup.

Beginning: (interesting setting) CJ is a groundskeeper at Lillian’s.

Middle: (surprise / twist / uncomfortable) Alley walks back into his life.

End: (cliffhanger / superior position) Will he reveal himself? Now we know his side of the story.

Scene Arc: CJ’s peaceful retreat to his biggest heartbreak crashing into his safe reality.

Essence: Old pain returns with a vengeance.

Conflict: Alley does not see him.

Subtext: overwhelm.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ reveals himself. We fear CJ reveals himself.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – ALLEY

16-INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)

Over morning coffee service, the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make are served. Alley takes small bites.

Beginning: Alley is beginning to relax.

Middle: (Twist / surprise) Lillian’s cookies are right in front of her.

End: (mystery) Where is Lillian?

Scene Arc: From escaping her life, to her biggest abandonment wound showing up as a cookie.

Essence: Alley realizes Lillian had to have been here.

Conflict: relaxation is over.

Subtext: pain flooding back

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley finds Lillian. We don’t know where Lillian is yet.

17-INT. KITCHEN – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Trying to work out the recipe, A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The garbage is piled with discarded cookies. Joe’s mother comes in and berates her for all the wasted ingredients.

Beginning: (intrigue) Lillian throwing a pan of cookies in the trash.

Middle: (intrigue) Lillian is talking to the deer now like they are fast friends.

End: (uncomfortable) Joe’s mother berates her.

Scene Arc: From homesick to comforted to berated.

Essence: Trying to find a happy foothold.

Conflict: Joe’s mother berates her

Subtext: Lillian doesn’t belong here.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds a moment of happiness. We fear for her and her child in this place.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – LILLIAN

18-INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1946)

Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her French cooking. Lillian tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Lillian takes a stand. Joe backs her up and declares they are moving to the city.

Beginning: (uncertainty) Can Lillian pull off her first family dinner?

Middle: (betrayal / uncomfortable) the family doesn’t like her cooking and is mean about it.

End: (character changes radically) Joe stands by Lillian’s side against his family.

Scene Arc: from alone underdog to victor with an ally.

Essence: A ray of hope for Lillian.

Conflict: piling on insults from the family.

Subtext: No longer alone.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can find her voice. We fear Joe won’t stand with her.

Act 3 (A New Life)

19-MONTAGE – THE NEW TOWN – (1950-1990)

Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches young Alley to make the cookies.

INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – Day (1990)

Lillian’s is 62^nd Birthday. Joe has a heart attack and dies.

Beginning: Lillian and Joe build a good life.

Middle: Lillian teaches young Alley to make the cookies.

End: (uncomfortable / twist) Joe has a heart attack and dies.

Scene Arc: From lonely outcast to finding some happiness to losing the love of her life.

Essence: Lillian makes a life, then loses the man she scarified her dreams for.

Conflict: Joe dies

Subtext: Lillian makes do

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find happiness with her family. We fear she will not recover.

20-INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – NIGHT (OF JOE’S FUNERAL 1990)

Lillian bolts. Takes the deer head with her. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America and a note asking Alley to go to at least one of these places.

Beginning: (superior position) We see Lillian leaving. The rest of the family has no idea.

Middle: (betrayal) Leaves without saying goodbye.

End: (intrigue) Leaves the postcards for Alley and asks her to do what she did not.

Scene Arc: From a life resigned, to a dream reignited.

Essence: Lillian leaves her life.

Conflict: She doesn’t even say goodbye

Subtext: Desperation of her dream still burns.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian makes it away without notice. We fear for the pain she will cause her family.

21-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (1990)

Lillian uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel.

Beginning: (interesting setting / irony) The place Lillian choses to settle is a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Middle: (internal dilemma) In this new place, does she tell them who she is, or make up a new reality?

End: (character changes radically) Lillian abandons her life entirely and creates a new reality for herself.

Scene Arc: from depending on her husband to self-empowerment.

Essence: Lillian takes control of her destiny.

Conflict: The motel is run down.

Subtext: An adventure has presented itself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can pull it off. We fear she is in over her head.

22- MONTAGE – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – (1990-2001)

Lillian transforms the dilapidated Motel into a charming, French inspired jewel, nestled in the mountains. She hires CJ, who is working as grounds keeper there, paying off the hospital bills)

Beginning: (interesting setting) The motel is in shambles

Middle: (superior position) Lillian hires grounds keeper CJ to help fix it up. She does not know his history with Alley.

End: (superior position) Lillian befriends CJ. He does not mention Alley or talk about the accident.

Scene Arc: From tired widow to impassioned businesswoman.

Essence: The adventure is in play.

Conflict: It’s a lot of work. She can’t do it all.

Subtext: Lillian is a force of nature.

Hope/Fear: We hope the Motel is a success and that CJ will mention Alley. We fear it will tank.

23-INT. BAKERY – SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY (2001)

Lillian teaches local baker how to make the cookies so she can serve them at the Motel.

Beginning: (uncomfortable) Lillian can’t do it all. She goes to local bakery.

Middle: (betrayal) she gives up her secret recipe to a non-family member.

End: (superior position) we know this is how Alley will find her.

Scene Arc: From overwhelmed to getting help.

Essence: Lillian gives up her recipe.

Conflict: It’s a secret recipe

Subtext: Lillian is abandoning ALL her familial obligations.

Hope/Fear: We hope baker makes them well. We fear Alley will find out.

24-INT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (2010)

At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula.

Beginning: (internal dilemma) Does Lillian reach out to family or spend her last years alone?

Middle: (betrayal) Lillian turns away from her family again.

End: (interesting setting) CJ helps her move into her room at the rest home.

Scene Arc: From self-sufficient to needing help

Essence: Lillian makes arrangements for her future.

Conflict: Old age.

Subtext: Shame. Lillian would rather die alone in a room rather than face her abandoned family.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will reach out to family. We fear she will die alone.

NOTE: REST OF OUTLINE TAKES PLACE IN PRESENT DAY.

25-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – AT REMOTE HOT SPRINGS – DAY

CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.

Beginning: (interesting setting) Alley has a restful moment while soaking in the remote, outdoor soaking tubs.

Middle: (superior position) CJ sits in the tub next to hers. We know it’s him, Alley does not.

End: (surprise / uncomfortable) Suddenly, Alley recognizes the necklace.

Scene Arc: From distant memory to real man.

Essence: CJ reveals himself.

Conflict: They’re half naked in the hot springs. No easy escape.

Subtext: CJ wants Alley to be uncomfortable

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley recognizes CJ. We fear she will leave when she does.

26-INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

Alley tells CJ that she threw the necklace he made for her into the river at “their spot”. They feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Beginning: (betrayal) knife to CJ’s heart

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Even though Alley want to strike out, she also feels the old flame.

End: (uncertainty) CJ walks off. Will he forgive her?

Scene Arc: From defending her guilt to feeling attracted.

Essence: Alley confesses to CJ.

Conflict: CJ still wears his necklace.

Subtext: Alley has shields up. Still wants to hurt CJ.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ forgives her. We fear he will shame her.

27-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY

CJ takes Alley an exhilarating ride on the motorcycle he’s been fixing up. They almost get run over by a trucker.

Beginning: (interesting setting) in the back garage of the motel. CJ’s secret domain.

Middle: (uncertainty / Suspense) CJ invites Alley to go for a test drive. She does. They almost get killed.

End: (uncomfortable / internal dilemma) adrenaline fueled attraction. Alley retreats.

Scene Arc: From renewed life to almost death.

Essence: reigniting passion.

Conflict: The truck runs them off the road.

Subtext: CJ can handle the pressure.

Hope/Fear: We hope they stay safe. We fear they will wreck.

28-EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

Beginning: (more interesting setting) CJ’s apartment over the garage. (surprise) CJ is strumming a guitar. He started playing years ago because it reminded him of her. They almost kiss.

Middle: (misinterpretation / uncomfortable) CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… triggers her old wound.

End: (major twist / betrayal / uncomfortable / internal dilemmas) Huge fight and all the past comes out.

Scene Arc: From Love to trigger to fight to horrible realization.

Essence: The big fight

Conflict: They still don’t know the whole truth.

Subtext: They are both still hiding.

Hope/Fear: We hope they tell their side. We fear they will repeat the past.

29-FLASHBACK – CJ – SERIES OF SCEENS (2001)

CJ has a flashback of his accident. CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. In the hospital, CJ holds the necklace.

Beginning: (interesting setting) CJ trapped under the truck.

Middle: (uncomfortable) hospital scenes. He’s a mess.

End: (Character changes) holds tight to his necklace.

Scene Arc: From painful memory to recognition of his touchstone.

Essence: CJ’s pain comes rushing back.

Conflict: He almost died.

Subtext: The necklace saved him.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ can tell Alley the truth. We fear he will run away.

30-EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – (PRESENT) DAY

CJ at the river to search for Alley’s necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Beginning: (uncertainty) will CJ be able to find Alley’s necklace?

Middle: (surprise / superior position) He finds it, but when he kicks off, the tree rolls.

End: (suspense) CJ almost dies, but his friend pulls him out.

Scene Arc: from knight in shining armor to battle wounded almost defeated.

Essence: CJ retrieves the

Conflict: The river is dangerous.

Subtext: CJ risks his life to get Alley back.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ will find the necklace. We fear he will die.

Turning Point 3:

31-INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT

CJ brings the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he tells Alley the truth about when his accident happened, then drops the bomb — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.

Beginning: (surprise/ suspense) CJ shows up with her necklace.

Middle: (betrayal / surprise / reveal) Alley rejects him. CJ tells her how the accident happened.

End: (betrayal) CJ tells Alley where Lillian is. He’s known all along.

Scene Arc: From delivering the prize to his beloved to being rejected to lashing out.

Essence: CJ brings the necklace to Alley

Conflict: Alley can’t wrap her head around it.

Subtext: CJ can’t take it anymore. No more strong and silent.

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will see CJ. We fear she will let him go.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

32-INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – DAY

Alley confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t. The hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her as a child were mostly made up. Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.

Beginning: (uncertainty / suspense) Lillian doesn’t recognize her at first.

Middle: (mystery) Alley can’t get a straight answer about the stories so long ago.

End: (betrayal) The pic on the wall tells Alley CJ more than just knew where Lillian was.

Scene Arc: From hopeful reunion to reality turned on its head.

Essence: Alley finds out Lillian is not her heroine grandmother.

Conflict: Lillian doesn’t know what’s real.

Subtext: Alley loses her foundation

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will get the answers she needs. We fear she will be crushed.

Resolution: (Surrender)

33-INT. ALLEY’S CAR – REST HOME PARKING LOT – DAY

Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and… demolishes (shoves them all in her mouth) the box of cookies she brought for Lillian. Then jams the car into drive.

Beginning: (uncertainty) Alley sits in her car as the sun sets – working it all out.

Middle: (character changes radically) Alley decides to take back control of her own life

End: (surprise / major twist) demolishes (shoves them all in her mouth) the box of cookies she brought for Lillian. Then jams the car into drive.

Scene Arc: From fairy tale believing child to woman living in the present.

Essence: Alley decides to create her own reality

Conflict: She already rejected CJ

Subtext: EAT life. NOW

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley gets to CJ in time. We fear it is too late.

34-EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

Alley shows up wearing the necklace and one lone cookie in the box. CJ is packing up to leave. Alley makes her proclamation. CJ eats the cookie in one bite then invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. CJ kisses her with epic abandon.

Beginning: (uncomfortable) Alley is here to make amends. Stumbles on her words.

Middle: (surprise / twist) CJ shuts her up by kissing her.

End: (Cliffhanger) CJ asks her if she wants to buy the place with him.

Scene Arc: From broken love to a new start.

Essence: Alley lays her heart out to CJ

Conflict: CJ is about to leave.

Subtext: They both desperately want to love each other.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ accepts Alley’s love. We fear it’s too late.

35-INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – NIGHT

Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

Beginning: takes the picture of Joe off her wall.

Middle: (more interesting setting) Joe appears by her bed.

End: Lillian dies in peace.

Scene Arc: From alive and alone, to dead and reunited.

Essence: Lillian dies and reunites with Joe.

Conflict: She dies.

Subtext: Enough already.

Hope/Fear: We hope for peace. We fear this will hurt Alley.

36-LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The deer hangs on the wall, Lillian’s penny around its neck. Alley and CJ are running Lillian’s Resort Motel and selling Lillian’s cookies.

Beginning: CJ hangs deer on wall.

Middle: Alley puts penny on its chain around deer neck.

End: Baker delivers Lillian’s cookies.

Scene Arc: Last scene. Happy ending

Essence: Alley and CJ have a new life together.

Conflict: NA

Subtext: Love finds a way.

Hope/Fear: We hope they have a great life together.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Scene requirements

I learned: As tedious as this is… it’s making this story so much stronger.

THE TASTE OF LONG LOST

Star crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town with big hearted secrets.

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT (2001)

Alley Winder Sings her heart out into a microphone – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother Lillian left behind. We then see Alley is singing alone in her bedroom.

Scene Arc: Looks like she’s on stage, to actually… she’s alone in her bedroom.

Essence: Alley has big dreams of being a singer / songwriter.

Conflict: Song is based on a postcard Lillian left her before she disappeared.

Subtext: Alley still wonders where her grandmother is.

Hope/Fear: We hope she will make it. We fear she is keeping her talent hidden away.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY- DAY (1945)

17-year-old Lillian Lamont at her Mother and Father’s funeral in war torn Normandy. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.

EXT. STREET – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.

INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)

Broken English and French from both. Joe asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….

Scene Arc: From grieving orphan to a bright future of love.

Essence: Lillian is running from death, toward life.

Conflict: Her town is in ruin.

Subtext: She wants out, even if it means marrying a stranger.

Hope/Fear: We hope she has found true love. We fear Joe might break her vulnerable heart.

INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams through the glass window. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.

EXT. CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)

Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out. Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow.

Scene Arc: From together in wedding to being pulled apart by war.

Essence: The innocence of actions fueled by war.

Conflict: The church where they make their vows is in ruin.

Subtext: Joe knows his family won’t like her or her beliefs.

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley just found love. We fear she has been abandoned again.

INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)

Lillian and her friend fantasize about Lillian’s American Adventure while they pack her bags.

Scene Arc: From sad about separation to ecstatic about Lillian’s glamourous new life.

Essence: Hope

Conflict: She is preparing to go alone

Subtext: Lillian is making up a future that might not exist.

Hope/Fear: We hope for Lillian’s great adventure. We fear she is living in a fantasy.

EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA, MONTANA (2001)

Wandering Street jeweler CJ Claim Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring Alley for a necklace. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace. CJ pockets the other half of the stone.

Scene Arc: From wandering man to man in love

Essence: Love at first sight is real

Conflict: He’s poor and she’s with a jock

Subtext: CJ doesn’t have a chance.

Hope/Fear: We want them to get together. We fear she will leave with the Jock.

INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula. CJ kisses Alley for the first time.

INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – DAY (2001)

Alley making cookies. Explains to CJ these cookies are special – her long lost grandma taught her. Only she and Lillian know the recipe. Alley takes small savoring bites. CJ eats them whole.

EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA, MONTANA – DAY (2001)

CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cereal cheater who left him and his dad when he was seven.

Scene Arc: From strangers to trusted lover.

Essence: Sharing secrets

Conflict: Alley wants CJ to savor them, but he’s chomping them down.

Subtext: desire for other to see what is special

Hope/Fear: We hope they are meant to be. We fear they have given each other weapons to hurt each other.

Act One Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA – DAY (1945)

Lillian sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.

Scene Arc: From big arrival to big abandonment.

Essence: Lillian has been stood up on a colossal scale.

Conflict: They want to send her back to France.

Subtext: Alley still believes

Hope/Fear: We hope Joe will arrive. We fear Lillian will be sent back.

EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks he is talking about her. Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)

Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her into the river.

Scene Arc: From happy and proud musician to devastated and heartbroken woman.

Essence: The big misunderstanding that spins both lives out of orbit.

Conflict: Alley overhears CJ being mean

Subtext: He isn’t the man she thought he was.

Hope/Fear: We hope they will talk it out. We fear they will ruin their true love.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA -DAY (1945)

Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time.

Scene Arc: From abandoned bride to rescued bride

Essence: Joe shows up

Conflict: It was the last possible moment.

Subtext: This is a bad omen.

Hope/Fear: We hope their adventure can now begin. We fear this is just the beginning of Lillian’s disappointment.

EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1945)

Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi.

INT. JOE’S PARENT’S HOUSE – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1945)

Joe’s family makes fun of the “Fancy French” outsider’s mispronounced words.

INT. BEDROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1946)

This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then discovers she is pregnant. She unpacks her bags.

Scene Arc: From disillusioned to trapped.

Essence: the opposite of Lillian’s dream.

Conflict: Unwelcoming family

Subtext: requiem for a dream.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find a way out. We fear the light in her will go out.

EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Joe and brothers bring home a small buck in the back of the truck. It shocks Lillian — it’s so small.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Joe hangs the mounted head of the young buck on the wall. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it like the friend she does not have.

Scene Arc: From alone to having a friend.

Essence: Innocence meets innocence.

Conflict: The deer had to die for her to have an imaginary friend.

Subtext: she might be losing her grip

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds solace here. We fear she is in for a lonely life.

INT. BEARCLAW TAVERN – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)

Heartbroken CJ gets drunk with best friend and his dog gets hit by a truck.

EXT. ICY MOUNTAIN ROAD – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)

CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking his dog up the mountain so it can die at home.

Scene Arc: from heartbroken to almost dead.

Essence: downward spiral

Conflict: His dog is dying and the roads are icy.

Subtext: CJ is now self-distructive

Hope/Fear: We hope he will make it up the mountain. We fear he will have an accident.

INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – MISSOULA – NIGHT (PRESENT DAY)

Alley’s apathy driven life has fallen apart. Alley goes to her best friend who calls out Alley for not smiling for years. Alley decides she will go to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. To Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.

Scene Arc: Seeking support to getting tough love to escape.

Essence: Alley’s apathy has caught up with her.

Conflict: Her friend is not letting her get away with it.

Subtext: dodging accountability.

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will find support with friend. We fear Alley will lash out when presented with truth.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)

CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself.

FLASHBACK – DAY OF BREAKUP

We see CJ’s side of the painful breakup.

Scene Arc: CJ’s peaceful retreat to his biggest heartbreak crashing into his safe reality.

Essence: Old pain returns with a vengeance.

Conflict: Alley does not see him. He hides.

Subtext: overwhelm.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ reveals himself. We fear he will run.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – ALLEY

INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)

Over morning coffee service, the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make are served. Alley takes small bites.

Scene Arc: From escaping her life, to her biggest abandonment wound showing up as a cookie.

Essence: Alley realizes Lillian had to have been here.

Conflict: relaxation is over.

Subtext: pain flooding back

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley finds Lillian. We don’t know where Lillian is yet.

INT. KITCHEN – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)

Trying to work out the recipe, A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the buck on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The garbage is piled with discarded cookies. Joe’s mother comes in and berates her for all the wasted ingredients.

Scene Arc: From homesick to comforted to berated.

Essence: Trying to find a happy foothold.

Conflict: Joe’s mother berates her

Subtext: Lillian doesn’t belong here.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds a moment of happiness. We fear for her and her child in this place.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – LILLIAN

INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1946)

Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her French cooking. Lillian tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Lillian takes a stand. Joe backs her up and declares they are moving to the city… which is really just a small town.

Scene Arc: from alone underdog to victor with an ally.

Essence: A ray of hope for Lillian.

Conflict: piling on insults from the family.

Subtext: No longer alone.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can find her voice. We fear Joe won’t stand with her.

Act 3: (A New Life)

MONTAGE – THE NEW TOWN – (1950-1990)

Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches young Alley to make the cookies.

INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – Day (1990)

Lillian’s is 62^nd Birthday. Joe has a heart attack and dies.

Scene Arc: From lonely outcast to finding some happiness to losing the love of her life.

Essence: Lillian makes a life, then loses the man she scarified her dreams for.

Conflict: Joe dies

Subtext: Lillian makes do

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find happiness with her family. We fear she will not recover.

INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – NIGHT (OF JOE’S FUNERAL 1990)

Lillian bolts. Takes the deer head with her. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America.

Scene Arc: From a life resigned, to a dream reignited.

Essence: Lillian leaves her life.

Conflict: She doesn’t even say goodbye

Subtext: Desperation of her dream still burns.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian makes it away without notice. We fear for the pain she will cause her family.

EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (1990)

Lillian uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel.

Scene Arc: from depending on her husband to self-empowerment.

Essence: Lillian takes control of her destiny.

Conflict: The motel is run down.

Subtext: An adventure has presented itself.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can pull it off. We fear she is in over her head.

MONTAGE – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – (1990-2001)

Lillian transforms the Motel into a charming, French inspired jewel, nestled in the mountains.

Scene Arc: From tired widow to impassioned businesswoman.

Essence: The adventure is in play.

Conflict: It’s a lot of work. She can’t do it all.

Subtext: Lillian is a force of nature.

Hope/Fear: We hope the Motel is a success. We fear it will tank.

INT. BAKERY – SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY (2001)

Lillian teaches local baker how to make the cookies so she can serve them at the Motel.

Scene Arc: From overwhelmed to getting help.

Essence: Lillian gives up her recipe.

Conflict: It’s a secret recipe

Subtext: Lillian is abandoning ALL her familial obligations.

Hope/Fear: We hope baker makes them well. We fear Alley will find out.

INT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (2010)

At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula.

Scene Arc: From self sufficient to asking for help

Essence: Lillian makes arrangements for her future

Conflict: Old age.

Subtext: Shame. Lillian would rather die alone in a room rather than face her abandoned family.

Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will reach out to family. We fear she will die alone.

NOTE: REST OF OUTLINE TAKES PLACE IN PRESENT DAY.

EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – AT REMOTE HOT SPRINGS – DAY

CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because of the accident, and his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.

Scene Arc: From distant memory to real man.

Essence: CJ reveals himself.

Conflict: They’re half naked in the hot springs. No easy escape.

Subtext: CJ wants Alley to be uncomfortable

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley recognizes CJ. We fear she will leave when she does.

INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

Alley tells CJ that she threw the necklace he made for her into the river at “their spot”. They feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Scene Arc: From defending her guilt to feeling attracted.

Essence: Alley confesses to CJ.

Conflict: CJ still wears his necklace.

Subtext: Alley has shields up. Still wants to hurt CJ.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ forgives her. We fear he will shame her.

EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY

CJ takes Alley an exhilarating ride on the motorcycle he’s been fixing up. They almost get run over by a trucker.

Scene Arc: From renewed life to almost death.

Essence: reigniting passion.

Conflict: The truck runs them off the road.

Subtext: CJ can handle the pressure.

Hope/Fear: We hope they stay safe. We fear they will wreck.

EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

Scene Arc: From Love to trigger to fight to horrible realization.

Essence: The big fight

Conflict: They still don’t know the truth.

Subtext: They are both still hiding.

Hope/Fear: We hope they tell their side. We fear they will repeat the past.

FLASHBACK – CJ – SERIES OF SCEENS

CJ has a flashback of his accident. CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. In the hospital, CJ holds the necklace.

Scene Arc: From painful memory to recognition of his touchstone.

Essence: CJ’s pain comes rushing back.

Conflict: He almost died.

Subtext: The necklace saved him.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ can tell Alley the truth. We fear he will run away.

EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – DAY

CJ at the river to search for Alley’s necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Scene Arc: from knight in shining armor to battle wounded almost defeated.

Essence: CJ retrieves the

Conflict: The river is dangerous.

Subtext: CJ risks his life to get Alley back.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ will find the necklace. We fear he will die.

Turning Point 3:

INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT

CJ brings the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he tells Alley the truth about when his accident happened, then drops the bomb — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.

Scene Arc: From delivering the prize to his beloved to being rejected to lashing out.

Essence: CJ brings the necklace to Alley

Conflict: Alley can’t wrap her head around it.

Subtext: CJ can’t take it anymore. No more strong and silent.

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will see CJ. We fear she will let him go.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – DAY

Alley confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t. The hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her as a child were mostly made up. Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.

Scene Arc: From hopeful reunion to reality turned on its head.

Essence: Alley finds out Lillian is not her heroine grandmother.

Conflict: Lillian doesn’t know what’s real.

Subtext: Alley loses her foundation

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will get the answers she needs. We fear she will be crushed.

Resolution: (Surrender)

INT. ALLEY’S CAR – REST HOME PARKING LOT – DAY

Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and… demolishes (shoves them all in her mouth) the box of cookies she brought for Lillian. Then jams the car into drive.

Scene Arc: From fairy tale believing child to woman living in the present.

Essence: Alley decides to create her own reality

Conflict: She already rejected CJ

Subtext: EAT life. NOW

Hope/Fear: We hope Alley gets to CJ in time. We fear it is too late.

EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT

Alley shows up wearing the necklace and one lone cookie in the box. CJ is about to leave. All packed up. Alley makes her proclamation. CJ eats the cookie in one bite then invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. CJ kisses her with epic abandon.

Scene Arc: From broken love to a new start.

Essence: Alley lays her heart out to CJ

Conflict: CJ is about to leave.

Subtext: They both desperately want to love each other.

Hope/Fear: We hope CJ accepts Alley’s love. We fear it’s too late.

INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – NIGHT

Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

Scene Arc: From alive and alone, to dead and reunited.

Essence: Lillian dies and reunites with Joe.

Conflict: She dies.

Subtext: Enough already.

Hope/Fear: We hope for peace. We fear this will hurt Alley.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The deer hangs on the wall, Lillian’s penny around its neck. Alley and CJ are running Lillian’s Resort Motel and selling Lillian’s cookies.

Scene Arc: Last scene. Happy ending

Essence: Alley and CJ have a new life together.

Conflict: NA

Subtext: Love finds a way.

Hope/Fear: We hope they have a great life together.

[Renee Brown]

I’ll be ready for feedback in the AM. (Sun. 8/14)

My Drama features two star-crossed lovers who reunite decades later in a small Montana town that holds big hearted secrets.

Let’s do this. Renee Brown

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Renee Brown.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Intriguing Moments.

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Thinking about Intrigue, I can amp up the emotional beats and stakes.

THE TASTE OF LONG LOST

Star crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town with big hearted secrets.

ACT ONE:

Scheme: Lillian wants to marry Joe to get out of war torn Normandy and have the adventurous American life.

Mystery: When Lillian arrives on the boat in America, why is Joe not there to get her?

Mystery: Alley’s tells CJ of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian. How she just disappeared one day. Where did she go?

Superior position: Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks they are talking about her. We know they were talking about the woman who went on before Alley.

Superior position: Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right. But we know there’s no one else.

ACT TWO:

Covert Agenda: Deep woods Nowhere, Mississippi is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt.

Secret: The only reason Lillian stays is because she’s pregnant.

Secret: CJ spots Alley checking into Lillian’s Resort Motel but does not reveal himself.

Superior position: Seeing Alley triggers CJ to relive the memories of the breakup and the awful truck accident that followed. We see it, but Alley has no idea what happened to him after the breakup.

Mystery: Alley tastes the cookies that only she and Lillian know how to make. How are these cookies in Soaking Springs Montana?

Hidden Identity: The Lillian who founded Lillian’s Resort Motel is Alley’s long-lost grandmother.

ACT THREE:

Cover up: Lillian tells young granddaughter Alley fairytale-like stories about her and Joe while teaching her how to make the cookies to cover up the fact she did not live her American Adventure.

Secret / Covert Agenda: Joe has a heart attack and dies. Lillian can’t wait to make a run for it.

Mystery: Lillian leaves a note and the postcards for Alley but doesn’t even say goodbye.

Hidden Identity: Lillian lands in Soaking Springs Montana. She buys a run-down motel with the money from Joe’s life insurance and makes up a new life for herself.

Cover up: Once revealed, CJ tells Alley he got in an accident long ago, but does not tell her it was because of their breakup.

Intrigue: Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Scheme: CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years.

Secret: CJ knows that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years)

Conspiracy: When Lillian sold the Motel and checked into the Rest home, she swore CJ to secrecy about where she is.

ACT FOUR:

Covert Agenda: CJ proposes that Alley and he buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Emotional Moments.

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Every time I labeled a beat with its emotional value, ideas on how to flesh out the story started streaming in. Also, lead to a new, emotionally charged title search.

THE TASTE OF LONG LOST

(New working title. Formerly Lillian’s Resort Motel)

Star crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town holding big hearted secrets.

ACT ONE:

Lillian:

Wounds: (1945) Lillian’s Parents are killed in the war.

Surprise / Success and Winning: (1945) WWII is declared over, and the American soldiers come marching through the town during the funeral for Lillian’s parents.

Bonding / Excitement: (1945) During the parade, Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank.

Love: (1945) Lillian and Joe fall in love and marry quickly.

Excitement: Lillian’s best friend gives her a box of postcards from America. Tells her she must see all these places. They banter about how exotic and amazing America will be.

Distress / Betrayal: (1945) When Lillian arrives on the boat in America, Joe is not there to get her.

Emotional Dilemma: (1945) Lillian must decide to get back on the boat or wait in a foreign country for a man she married, that she doesn’t really know, that may or may not show.

Alley and CJ:

Bonding / Love: (2001) Alley and CJ bond over a tray of jewelry stones, they both love the broken one the best. They fall in love at first touch when CJ measures Alley’s neck for the necklace he will make for her.

Bonding / Wounds: (2001) Alley’s tells CJ of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian. How she just disappeared one day. Tells him all she has left of Lillian is the cookie recipe they used to make together. At “their place” on the river, CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cheater. Left him and his dad when he was seven.

Betrayal: (2001) Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks they are talking about her. Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

Distress: (2001) Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her … then immediately regrets it. But it’s gone.

ACT TWO:

Lillian:

Surprise: (1945) Joe shows up at the last minute to the boat deck on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time.

Distress / Disappointment: (1945) Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy American adventure lands her in deep woods Nowhere, Mississippi.

Sacrifice: (1945) This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

Alley and CJ:

Wounds / Distress: (2001) CJ nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and he gets into a near fatal accident while taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

Hidden weakness: (2001) Alley can’t take criticism. After the breakup, she abandons her dream of being a singer songwriter and takes up a series of dead-end jobs leading to an apathetic life.

Hidden weakness / Distress: (2001) CJ thinks he fell in love with a cheater, just like his mom was. After he gets out of the hospital, He retreats from Missoula and becomes the grounds keeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel in Soaking Springs, MT. He works there for years, paying down the hospital bills.

Success/Winning: (Present Day) CJ gets his last hospital bill. Now paid in full, he’s free of the whole nightmare and can move on.

Surprise / Distress: (Present Day) CJ spots Alley checking into Lillian’s Resort Motel. You gotta be kidding moment for him.

Distress: (Present Day) Seeing Alley triggers CJ to relive the memories of the breakup and the awful truck accident that followed.

Emotional Dilemma: (Present Day) To show himself to Alley or to hit the road and leave it all behind.

Surprise: (Present Day) Alley tastes the cookies that only she and Lillian know how to make. Lillian is Alley’s long-lost grandma Lillian.

Success: (1946) A very pregnant and homesick Lillian finally nails the cookie recipe that reminds her of the cookies her mom used to make back home.

Courage: (1946) Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her French cooking. She tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Joe takes a stand.

ACT THREE:

Bonding: (1980) Lillian tells granddaughter Alley fairytale-like stories about her and Joe while teaching her how to make the cookies.

Distress / Heartbreak: (1990) Joe has a heart attack and dies.

Excitement: (1990) Although heartbroken, Lillian can’t wait to make a run for it –

Courage: Lillian leaves her life behind to chase that American Adventure, she always wanted.

Betrayal: Lillian leaves a note and the postcards for Alley but doesn’t even say goodbye.

Success / Surprise: (1990) Lillian lands in Soaking Springs Montana. Turns out the place she finds to truly belong is another small town in the middle of nowhere. She buys a run-down motel with the money from Joe’s life insurance.

Distress / Shame: (2010) At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula.

Alley and CJ: (Present Day)

Courage: At Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because of the accident, and his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.

Betrayal: Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot” years ago.

Love: Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Wound / Hidden Weakness: After some time, they almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

Courage: CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years.

Distress: CJ almost dies in this attempt when the tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Courage: CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line.

Wounds: CJ is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart.

Betrayal: Before he goes, CJ tells Alley that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years)

ACT FOUR:

Courage / Success: Alley finds Lillian.

Betrayal: Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up.

Emotional Dilemma / Surprise: Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.

Hidden Weakness: Alley has rejected her true love, twice!

Courage / Love: Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love, and gives her heart to CJ.

Love: CJ proposes that Alley and he buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Love: At the rest home, Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

CLOSING:

Success / Winning: Alley and CJ are running Lillian’s Resort Motel and selling Lillian’s cookies.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Reveals

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Listing out all the reveals and where to stack the set ups really helps fill in the info that is in my head, but not on the page. Once on the page, I could easily move it around in the outline to live where it would be most effective.

Lillian’s Resort Motel

Star-crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town holding big hearted secrets.

Genre: Romantic Drama

REVEALS:

What will you reveal? Alley misunderstood CJ making fun of the other singer.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 When we see CJ’s side through flashback

What setups need to be in place? Alley’s version that we see first.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act one turning point – heartbreak

What will you reveal? Lillian’s dream adventure lands her in Nowhere Miss.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 lost years.

What setups need to be in place? Her sister and her having a conversation about the list of what they think America is.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Before she takes the ship

What will you reveal? – CJ is the grounds keeper at LRM.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 When he reveals himself in the hot springs.

What setups need to be in place? We see him when she checks in. He is wearing the other half of the stone when we see him. He pockets the stone in the hospital but not wear it yet.

Where in the story do those setups belong? In the flashbacks, then in the hotsprings.

What will you reveal Lillian has been in soaking springs

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 turning point When she eats the cookie

What setups need to be in place? All the cookie scenes. With CJ, learning how to make them, Lillian making them…

Where in the story do those setups belong? Early with CJ when they are admitting weaknesses, with Lillian when she is making them,

What will you reveal? CJ knows where Lillian is – rest home Missoula

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 turning point

What setups need to be in place? Alley in her life waiting for elderly to cross the road at rest home. Maybe she gets out and helps her? We see her wait again when she comes back?

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act 2 Lost years.

What will you reveal? Alley was wrong about the argument. CJ worshiped her

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 The big fight in Soaking Springs

What setups need to be in place? We have already seen both sides

Where in the story do those setups belong? Flashback with CJ

What will you reveal? Most of the stories Lillian told to Alley were lies

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 4 Climax

What setups need to be in place? Little Alley hearing the love stories while making cookies.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act 1 hope/love flashback with CJ- establishes she has him on a pedestal.

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM (2001)

Alley Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY (1946)

17-year-old Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.

EXT. STREET – NORMANDY (1946)

A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Inciting Incident: Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.

INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY (1946)

Broken English and French from both. Joe stumbles on his words, talks about the one thing war taught him… don’t wait a second to grab love, da da da. Takes a knee, asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….

INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY (1946)

Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams through the glass window. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.

EXT. CHURCH

Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out. Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow. Tells her to catch that boat no matter what. Lillian leaves with her sister. Lillian and her sister have a bit where they fantasize about Lillian’s American Adventure.

EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA MONTANA (2001)

Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace – likes the color. Not scared of broken things. CJ says he can round it out. He pockets the other half. Best friend Charlie rolls up on bike – establish he’s a climber.

SERIES OF SCENES – MISSOULA

Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.

We get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make.

We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day. Alley eats cookies small bites, CJ eats them whole, teases Alley about keeping a secret recipe from the world. At “their place” on the river, CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cheater. Left him and his dad when he was seven.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Lillian sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.

EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley she thinks he is talking about her. Hurt and betrayed, Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

EXT. RIVER – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her in.

We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time. Great! Until…

EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

One day, Joe and brothers bring home a small deer in the back of the truck. She is sad, it’s so small. After butchering it, Joe has the head mounted. This little buck hangs in their living room. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it sometimes like the friend she does not have.

SERIES OF SCENES – OUTSDIE MISSOULA (2001)

CJ nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

MISSOULA ( PRESENT DAY )

Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. Alley goes to her best friend, Lauren. Lauren calls out that Alley hasn’t really smiled in years.

Being called out by her bestie stings, and Alley goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself.

CJ holds the necklace he made for himself that matched hers. He relives the painful memories of the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda thought CJ was a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Both Alley and CJ have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint ALLEY

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make. Alley picks up one of the cookies, smells it, takes a small bite.

Alley must contemplate that long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The kitchen is a mess, the garbage piled with discarded cookies, a new batch in the works. Joe’s mother comes in and yells at her for all the wasted ingredients.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint LILLIAN

INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her cooking. She tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Joe takes a stand. Lillian and Joe move to the city… which is really just a small town.

Act 3: (A New Life)

THE NEW TOWN (1990)

Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches Alley to make the cookies. When Lillian is 62, Joe has a heart attack and dies. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America. Lillian leaves without a trace. She takes the deer head with her.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA (1990 – 2010)

Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula when she starts forgetting things.

IN THE HOT SPRINGS

CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because of the accident, and his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ has a flashback of his accident – driving Sam up the mountain. CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. In the hospital, CJ holds the necklace.

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he drops the bomb on Alley — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up and realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love, and gives her heart to CJ. CJ invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

At the rest home, Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The deer hangs on the wall, Lillian’s penny around its neck. Alley and CJ are running the Motel partner with Brenda to sell Lillian’s cookies.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character Actions.

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: My story had too much going on So, I am ditching the magical stone and I’m sticking with the 3 characters and their arcs that collide in the small town. (I actually think the Magical Stone thing could be its own script, so I will save that for another day) This means all the title references I had to the magical stone are gone, so for now, my working title is the place in the small town where it all collides —

Lillian’s Resort Motel

Star-crossed love reunites decades later in a small Montana town holding big hearted secrets.

Genre: Romantic Drama

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM (2001)

Alley Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY (1946)

17-year-old Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.

EXT. STREET – NORMANDY (1946)

A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Inciting Incident: Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.

INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY (1946)

Broken English and French from both. Joe stumbles on his words, talks about the one thing war taught him… don’t wait a second to grab love, da da da. Takes a knee, asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….

INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY (1946)

Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams through the glass window. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.

EXT. CHURCH

Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out. Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow. Tells her to catch that boat no matter what.

EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA MONTANA (2001)

Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace – likes the color. Not scared of broken things. CJ says he can round it out. He pockets the other half. Best friend Charlie rolls up on bike – establish he’s a climber.

SERIES OF SCENES – MISSOULA

Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.

We get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make. We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day. Alley eats cookies small bites, CJ eats then whole, teases Alley about keeping a secret recipe from the world. At “their place” on the river, CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cheater. Left him and his dad when he was seven.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Lillian sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.

EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley misunderstood the conversation. They weren’t even talking about her. But she thinks he is slamming her ability and her dream. Hurt and betrayed, Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

EXT. RIVER – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her in.

We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time. Great! Until…

EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

One day, Joe and brothers bring home a small deer in the back of the truck. She is sad, it’s so small. After butchering it, Joe has the head mounted. This little buck hangs in their living room. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it sometimes like the friend she does not have.

SERIES OF SCENES – OUTSDIE MISSOULA (2001)

CJ nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

MISSOULA ( PRESENT DAY )

Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. Alley goes to her best friend, Lauren. Lauren calls out that Alley hasn’t really smiled in years. Being called out by her bestie stings, and Alley goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself. CJ has a flashback of driving Sam up the mountain. — CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. He relives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda thought CJ was a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding. Both Alley and CJ have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint ALLEY

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make. Alley picks up one of the cookies, smells it, takes a small bite.

Alley must contemplate that long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The kitchen is a mess, the garbage piled with discarded cookies, a new batch in the works. Joe’s mother comes in and yells at her for all the wasted ingredients.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint LILLIAN

INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her cooking. She tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Joe takes a stand. Lillian and Joe move to the city… which is really just a small town.

Act 3: (A New Life)

THE NEW TOWN (1990)

Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches Alley to make the cookies. When Lillian is 62, Joe has a heart attack and dies. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America. Lillian leaves without a trace. She takes the deer head with her.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA (1990 – 2010)

Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades. At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula when she starts forgetting things.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

CJ reveals himself to Alley. Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves. They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he drops the bomb on Alley — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t. Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up and realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love, and gives her heart to CJ. CJ invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

At the rest home, Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s New Outline Beats

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Doing this back-and-forth method forced me to fill in some gaps. Also, it forced me to stay with the main characters right now rather than get buried in supporting characters and B plots.

GLOW AGAIN

When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.

Genre: Romantic Drama

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

(2001) Alley (PJ) Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter Alley sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

Deeper Layer: Alley is Lillian Lamont’s granddaughter.

(1946) Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over.

Deeper Layer: Adventurous Young Lillian longs for escape.

A parade for the American allies marches through the streets.

Inciting Incident: Lillian (PJ) catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly. Joe ships out and gives Lillian a transport ticket to take the boat to meet him in America.

The Starcross Stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter for generations.

Deeper Layer: When a lifechanging choice is at hand, The Starcross Stone glows when the holder makes a choice that will lead them to their deepest desire.

Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America. It glows.

(2001) Wandering Street jeweler CJ (PJ) Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. Alley (PJ) Falls for CJ.

Alley (PJ) prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.

During Love montage, we get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make. We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day.

Deeper Layer: When Alley was a child, when she and Lillian made these cookies, Lillian (AJ) filled young Alley’s head with shining knight stories of her soldier husband Joe and her love – declaring it perfect., Ever since, Alley has abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love.

(1946) Lillian (PJ) sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses. The Stone glows. Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

(2000) Alley (AJ) overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic and thinks they are talking about HER.

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) misunderstood the conversation. They weren’t even talking about her. But she thinks he is slamming her ability and her dream.

Hurt and betrayed, Alley (AJ) confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ (PJ) has no idea why. He (AJ) accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley (AJ) is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

She marches to “their spot” on the river and throws the necklace CJ made for her in.

We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.

Hint to Reveal: During Alley’s POV on the breakup, we see that CJ (PJ) is mystified with her behavior.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

CJ (AJ) nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home. (we see this through flashbacks)

(1946) Lillian (PJ) arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider.

This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian (AJ) packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.

(Present Day) Alley (PJ) buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop. Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother Lillian.

CJ (PJ), Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley but does not yet reveal himself.

CJ has a flashback of driving Sam up the mountain. During the drive, CJ (PJ) re-lives meeting Alley.

In flashback CJ(AJ) rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. He relives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda think CJ (AJ)is a jerk. But after we see CJ’s (PJ) side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley (AJ)for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Deeper Layer: Both Alley (AJ)and CJ (AJ) have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:

(Present Day) At Lillian’s Resort Motel in Soaking Springs, the morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make.

Deeper Layer: long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

Act 3: (A New Life)

(1990) Lillian (PJ) lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

Lillian (PJ)) takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds the stone and sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink.

(2010) At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian (AJ) sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.

(Present) CJ (PJ) reveals himself to Alley (PJ). Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Alley (AJ) and CJ (AJ)get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ (PJ) dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years.

CJ (PJ) almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

(Present Day) Alley (PJ) finds out that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). Via a letter from?

HINT: Letter includes the coin that Lillian used to wear around her neck (the one Joe threw from the tank), but it’s a dime, not a penny.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

(Present Day) CJ (PJ) takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley (AJ). He retreats with his re-broken heart.

Alley (PJ) finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian (PJ) hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley (PJ) learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian (AJ) told her years ago were mostly made up.

Deeper Layer: Alley (PJ) realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.

Disillusioned, Alley (AJ) leaves the Starcross stone on Lillian’s dresser as she leaves.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) realizes she has rejected her true love, twice!

Alley (PJ) swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and gives her heart to CJ. He (PJ) finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Lillian (PJ) finds the Starcrossed Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down to rest her eyes.

The Stone glows again, and Lillian (PJ) drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

One of the rest home nurses sell the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Beat Sheet draft 1

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: GOLW AGAIN is a “you are your own worst enemy” story. It therefore deals with the internal antagonists for Alley, Lillian and CJ. That said, and in the spirit of the exercise, it was interesting to see when each character was being their own antagonist by still using the Protagonist Journey (PJ) and Antagonist Journey (AJ) labels.

GLOW AGAIN

When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.

Genre: Romantic Drama

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

(2001) Alley (PJ) Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter Alley sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

Deeper Layer: Alley is Lillian Lamont’s granddaughter.

(1946) Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over.

Deeper Layer: Adventurous Young Lillian longs for escape.

A parade for the American allies marches through the streets.

Inciting Incident: Lillian (PJ) catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly. Joe ships out and gives Lillian a transport ticket to take the boat to meet him in America.

The Starcross Stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter for generations.

Deeper Layer: When a lifechanging choice is at hand, The Starcross Stone glows when the holder makes a choice that will lead them to their deepest desire.

Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America. It glows.

(2001) Wandering Street jeweler CJ (PJ) Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. Alley (PJ) Falls for CJ.

Deeper Layer: Lillian (AJ) had filled young Alley’s head with shining knight stories of her soldier husband Joe and her love – declaring it perfect. From an early age, Alley has abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love.

(1946) Lillian (PJ) sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses. The Stone glows. Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

(2000) Alley (AJ) overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic and thinks they are talking about HER. She marches to “their spot” on the river and throws the necklace CJ made for her in.

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) misunderstood the conversation. They weren’t even talking about her. But she thinks he is slamming her ability and her dream.

Hurt and betrayed, Alley (AJ) confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ (PJ) has no idea why. He (AJ) accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley (AJ) is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

Hint to Reveal: During Alley’s POV on the breakup, we see that CJ (PJ) is mystified with her behavior.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

CJ (PJ) nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

(1946) Lillian (AJ) arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider.

This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian (AJ) packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.

(Present Day) Alley (AJ) buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop. Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup.

CJ (AJ), Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley but does not yet reveal himself. CJ (AJ) re-lives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup, and his accident. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda think CJ (PJ) is a jerk. But after we see CJ’s (AJ) side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley (PJ) for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Deeper Layer: Both Alley (PJ) and CJ (PJ) have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:

(Present Day) Alley finds out her long-lost Grandma (Lillian) (AJ) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time, but has moved on to …?

Act 3: (A New Life)

(1990) Lillian (AJ) lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

Lillian (AJ) takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds the stone and sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink.

(2010) At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian (PJ) sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.

(Present) CJ (AJ) reveals himself to Alley (PJ). Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Alley (PJ) and CJ (PJ)get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ (AJ) dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years.

He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

(Present Day) Alley (AJ) finds out that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). Via a letter from?

HINT: Letter includes the coin that Lillian used to wear around her neck (the one Joe threw from the tank), but it’s a dime, not a penny.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

(Present Day) CJ (AJ) takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley (PJ). He retreats with his re-broken heart.

Alley (AJ) finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian (PJ) hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley (AJ) learns the romantic stories Lillian (PJ) told her years ago were mostly made up.

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) realizes she’s built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.

Disillusioned, Alley (AJ) leaves the Starcross Stone on Lillian’s dresser as she leaves.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) realizes she has rejected her true love, twice!

Alley (AJ) swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and gives her heart to CJ. He (AJ) finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Lillian (AJ) finds the Starcrossed Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down for a nap.

The Stone glows again, and Lillian (AJ) drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

One of the rest home nurses sell the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Deeper Layers

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: After laying out the character 4 act arcs and the deeper mysteries, it was interesting as I gave my first attempt at bringing them together in a 4 act story arc… As I copy and pasted from the character arc lists, no matter how messy it is now, at least I know there is a complete character arch for everyone in the story.

GLOW AGAIN

When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.

Deeper layer Alley and CJ

Surface Layer: Young Alley falls for CJ, gets her heart broken and abandons her passion.

Deeper Layer: Alley misunderstood the overheard conversation of CJ and Charlie. They weren’t even talking about her. But she rips the relationship apart with no discussion.

Major Reveal: After Alley and CJ collide in Soaking Springs, We see CJ’s side of the breakup so long ago. He was so confused back then, he accused Alley of having another lover. She was so hurt that she let him think it was true.

Influences Surface Story: Both have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Hints: During Alley’s recollection, we see that CJ is mystified with her behavior.

Changes Reality: At first, we are sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda think CJ is a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Deeper layer Alley and Lillian

Surface Layer: Lillian is Alley’s long-lost grandmother. Lillian filled young Alley’s head with shining knight tales of her soldier husband Joe.

Deeper Layer: From an early age, Lillian had abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love. This is why she walked away from CJ so quickly.

Major Reveal: When Alley finds Lillian in the rest home and questions her about the heroic tales, Lillian confesses to making up most of the romantic stories.

Influences Surface Story: Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.

Hints: Alley finds the coin that Lillian used to wear around her neck, but it’s a dime, not a penny. Alley’s songs are based on a collection of postcards Lillian left behind. The most worn of which was from Montana.

Changes Reality: Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Finally, she swallows her pride and sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and gives her heart to CJ.

4 Act Structure incorporation. (a first swing at it)

Beginning: (Hope)

(1946) War torn Normandy. The Star-cross stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter. Mother dies in the bombing.

Adventurous Lillian longs for escape. The war is over and a parade for the American allies marches through the streets. Lillian catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly.

Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America.

Inciting Incident: (Love)

(1946) Sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve Lillian. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. The Stone glows. Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.

(2000) Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch. Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter Alley Falls in love with CJ. But Lillian had filled young Alley’s head with shining knight tales of her soldier husband Joe. From an early age, Alley has abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

(2000) Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks they are talking about HER. Hurt, and betrayed, she leaves CJ on first sight. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

CJ nurses his broken heart in reckless decisions. He gets drunk with Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

(1946) Lillian arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of the American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.

Act 2; (After the Lost Years)

(Present Day) Alley buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop. Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup.

Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ spots Alley but does not yet reveal himself. CJ re-lives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup, and his accident. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

(1990) Joe dies. Lillian (now 62) holds her postcards from Montana in her hand. The stone glows for the first time since she left France. She packs her bags and bolts – leaving family and friends behind – including her doting granddaughter – Alley.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (Release)

(Present Day) Alley finds out her long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time, but has moved on to?

Act 3: (A New Life)

(1990) Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

Lillian takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds the stone and sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink.

(Present) CJ reveals himself to Alley. Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. They feel the old flame to spite themselves.

(2010) Having no family of her own to name, Lillian checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.

Turning Point 3:

(Present Day) Alley finds out that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years).

Alley and CJ get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ dives into the river to retrieve the necklace that has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree trunk for all these years.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

(Present Day) CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart.

Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up. Disillusioned, Alley leaves the Starcross stone on Lillian’s dresser as she leaves.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Alley abandon’s her expectations of perfect love and goes to CJ with earnest clarity. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Lillian finds the Star-cross Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down for a nap. The Stone glows again, and Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with her soldier love, Joe.

One of the rest home nurses sell the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character structures

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: This story weaves the past and present of 3 characters together. I was unsure how and when I would leap from past to present, but I think by mapping the individual arcs of the characters from young to old, that piece of the puzzle will fall into place. It is interesting how this structure is not necessarily the script’s structure yet, but the character’s structure that will collide to form the script structure. I’m excited to experience the result. Gratitude to the inspirations of Creativity.

GLOW AGAIN

When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.

Structure to the characters’ lives:

Alley Winder

Beginning: Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter

Inciting Incident: Falls in love with CJ

Turning Point 1: Overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks they are talking about HER. Hurt, and betrayed, she leaves CJ on first sight.

Act 2; Alley abandons her dream and passion, throws the necklace CJ made for her into the river retreating into a life of safe apathy.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (10 plus years later) Alley buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop.

Act 3: Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup.

Turning Point 3: Alley is reunited with CJ and finds out her long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

Act 4 Climax: Alley finds Lillian and learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up. Disillusioned, Alley leaves the Starcross stone on Lillian’s dresser as she goes.

Resolution: Alley abandon’s her expectations of perfect love and goes to CJ with earnest clarity.

CJ Claim

Beginning: Wandering Street jeweler

Inciting Incident: Falls for Alley on first touch.

Turning Point 1: Is dumped by Alley. CJ has no idea why. Accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

Act 2; CJ nurses his broken heart in reckless decisions. He gets drunk with Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal drunken accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (10 plus years later) Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ spots Alley, but does not yet reveal himself.

Act 3: CJ relives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup and his accident. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

Turning Point 3: CJ reveals himself to Alley, but they get in a fight about the past. Alley tells him she threw the necklace in the river at “their spot”

Act 4 Climax: CJ dives into the river to retrieve the necklace that has been waiting, caught on river wash tree trunk for all these years.

Resolution: CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart out on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats into his re-broken heart until Alley comes to him. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Lillian Lamont

Beginning: War torn Normandy. Adventurous Lillian longs for escape. The war is over and a parade for the American allies marches through the streets.

Inciting Incident: Lillian catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly.

Turning Point 1: Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America.

Act 2; Lillian arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (30 years later) Joe dies from a heart attack. Lillian holds her postcards from Montana in her hand. The stone glows for the first time since she left France. She packs her bags and bolts.

Act 3: Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from the life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades then (having abandoned her family) checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.

Turning Point 3: Alley finds Lillian in the rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years)

Act 4 Climax: Alley asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana, Lillian now hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Resolution: Lillian finds the Starcrossed Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down for a nap. The Stone glows again, and Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with her soldier love, Joe.

Starcross Stone

Beginning: The Starcross stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter for generations. Mother Lamont dies in the bombing.

Inciting Incident: Before Lillian leaves for America with Joe, Lillian’s older sister gives her the Starcross Stone. The Stone glows in anticipation of the voyage.

Turning Point 1: Sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve Lillian. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. The Stone glows. But Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.

Act 2; Lillian and the Stone land in Mississippi. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (30 years later) Joe dies. Lillian holds her postcards from Montana in her hand. The stone glows for the first time since she left France. She packs her bags and bolts.

Act 3: Lillian starts her Motel in Soaking Springs. The Stone glows.

Turning Point 3: Lillian takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds it, sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink. It waits there for years until…

Act 4 Climax: Alley buys the stone and allows it to glow again when she follows her heart.

Resolution: The Starcross Stone is reunited with Lillian. The Stone glows again, and Lillian drifts off to sleep then death and is reunited with her love, Joe. One of the rest home nurses sells the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Supporting Characters

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Some major plot points clicked into place with this exercise, and the Theme of my story became crystal clear to me. Super exciting.

GLOW AGAIN

High Concept: A magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Supporting Characters:

Lauren:

Role: Alley’s best friend – has been since childhood. Was there for the breakup long ago.

Purpose: Holds a mirror to Alley when needed

Value: Helps her remember herself.

Charlie:

Role: CJ’s best friend – was there for the breakup and accident long ago.

Purpose: Rock climber – Helps CJ do some dangerous grand gesture stuff near the climax.

Value: Helps CJ remember he is not alone.

Brenda:

Role: Owns a bakery in Soaking Springs.

Purpose: Brenda sells cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make.

Value: Leads Alley to know her grandmother is/was here.

Tom:

Role: Current owner of Lillian’s Resort Motel.

Purpose: He knows where Lillian is now but is sworn to secrecy.

Value: CJ ultimately convinces him (somehow) reveal where to find Lillian.

The Second Chance Stone:

Role: (I know, it’s a rock. But still…) Acts out the theme: “Opportunities show up in every important moment. It is our perspective and our choices that lead us to Joy, or to Despair.”

Purpose: The stone glows when the seed of happiness is waiting in the owner’s choice but then dims when they chose poorly.

Value: Represents the mystical guidance of the divine.

Background Characters:

Alley’s coworkers, People living in Soaking springs, Parade goers in Normandy, Lillian’s family, Lillian’s husband, Antique shop dealer, nurses at rest home.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character Profile Part 1 and Part 2

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: I’m really getting to know my characters and I’m looking forward to taking them into my plot.

GLOW AGAIN

High Concept: A magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Young Alley:

High Concept relationship: Alley breaks CJ’s heart because she thinks she overhears him trashing her and her dreams.

Character’s Journey: From a hopeful, in love young woman, to a heartbroken wall flower who abandons her dream. From budding star to college drop out.

Actor Attractors: A huge talent – singer songwriter who shows just how fragile we can be when we make ourselves vulnerable to passion and love.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: Early 20s with a fire in her eye and a guitar slung over her shoulder.

Core Traits: Driven, Talented, Hopeful, Romantic

Motivation: Wants – to be a star. Needs- validation

Unspoken Wound: Her grandmother (her emotional cornerstone) went missing a few years ago.

Likability: Young Alley is full of talent, passion, and positivity.

Relatability: Alley feels criticism to the point that she abandons her dream. She also has a lot of regret around handling her and CJ’s breakup badly.

Empathy: It’s sad to watch someone abandon a passion.

Character Subtext: Abandonment issues – her grandmother (Lillian) disappeared years ago

Character Intrigue: Writes songs based on an old postcard collection Lillian left behind.

Flaw: Can’t handle criticism.

Values: Loyalty, Love, Beauty.

Character Dilemma: Needing approval vs grounded confidence.

Present Day Alley:

High Concept relationship: Alley is Lillian’s granddaughter – she will get a second chance at love with Lillian. Alley is also CJ’s ex – they will have a second chance at love.

Character’s Journey: From an apathetic, lonely woman, to an empowered, self-aware woman who takes back her destiny, and the love of her life.

Actor Attractors: A woman who has wasted a decade of her life over a misunderstanding, takes control of her life and redefines her idea of love.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (30s) with premature frown lines and an eye-rolling habit.

Core Traits: apathetic, sinical, controlling, idealizes love.

Motivation: Wants – to control things so she doesn’t get hurt. Needs – unconditional love

Wound: Thinks she hears CJ slam her passion dream years ago. Now she doesn’t believe in herself or love.

Likability: She’s an Everywoman

Relatability: Trying to make it from one day to the next

Empathy: Gets fired from her dead-end job

Character Subtext: Self-worth – abandoned her passion years ago. Plays it safe in her life until someone criticizes her abilities, then she stews in paralyzed resentment.

Character Intrigue: In her current life, only her best friend knows the talents she abandoned.

Flaw: Won’t take chances for fear of criticism.

Values: Protection, caution.

Character Dilemma: Playing it safe vs living an authentic life.

Young CJ:

High Concept relationship: CJ falls hard and fast for Alley, then she breaks his heart.

Character’s Journey: From ecstatically in love, to almost dead in a reckless accident.

Actor Attractors: CJ’s a scrappy street jeweler who ruins his young life with a series of heartbroken decisions.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (20s) modern mountain man on a vintage motorcycle.

Core Traits: Quiet, soulful, romantic, proud

Motivation: Wants -to make it on his own. Needs – to belong

Wound: Has no family. has been hurt by love. Swore he’d never trust again.

Likability: A young, romantic rebel trying to make it as a street jeweler.

Relatability: Reaching to create beauty to spite stereotypes and expectation. Also, he is betrayed when Alley tells him there is someone else.

Empathy: Post breakup, CJ gets in an accident and almost dies.

Character Subtext: Trust issues. Abandonment issue. His Mom was a cereal cheater.

Character Intrigue: Playing it cool but is head over heels for Alley.

Flaw: Reckless

Values: Love, Beauty, Loyalty.

Character Dilemma: Tell Alley what she means to him or cancel her when she “cheats”.

Present Day CJ:

High Concept relationship: Now a grounds keeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ is about to be reunited with the biggest heartbreak of his life.

Character’s Journey: From reclusive mangled man to brave champion of love.

Actor Attractors: CJ lives an untrusting and defensive life as a loner, but when he is faced with the woman who broke his heart, he toggles — shutting her out and longing for her love again.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (30s) Shaved bald, scars and all. Manages to stand tall in his defiance of life’s shit sandwich.

Core Traits: defensive, untrusting, brave, romantic

Motivation: Want- to disappear Need- unconditional love

Unspoken Wound: Thinks Alley cheated on him years ago.

Likability: Strong silent type who wants to do a good job.

Relatability: lasting heartbreak and trauma that lies under the surface

Empathy: A broken man with physical and mental scars.

Character Subtext: Trust issues. lives an untrusting and defensive life as a loner.

Character Intrigue: Hides his identity from Alley while he decides if he wants to know her again.

Flaw: resentful, recluse.

Values: Keep to yourself, Keep your head down, Do a good job.

Character Dilemma: Guarding his heart vs taking his second chance at love with Alley.

Young Lillian:

High Concept relationship: Lillian brings the mysterious stone to America after WW2

Character’s Journey: Hope filled young French immigrant to poor housewife, to self-made businesswoman.

Actor Attractors: Lillian is a Disenchanted War-bride who plays the grateful wife until later in life, when her husband dies, then she disappears without a trace in search of the American adventure she signed up for so long ago.

Role in the Story: Triangle

Age range and Description: (20) Wild haired shy with the soul of a French bohemian hiding behind oversized glasses.

Core Traits: Naive, culture shocked, resentful, afraid.

Motivation: Wants – Adventure Needs- Independence

Wound: Her home in France was bombed to smitheries – mother and father lost.

Likability: Young Lillian is a hopeful War Bride ready for her new adventure in America, leaving war torn Normandy behind, in love with her new hero.

Relatability: We all know the hope of a fresh start.

Empathy: When she arrives at her new home, it’s in nowhere Mississippi where the whole family lives on one dirt road.

Character Subtext: Tries hard with new fam. But nurses her resentment when they don’t accept her. Convinces new husband to move to bigger city. Covers deer heads on the walls with sheets when her husband is away.

Character Intrigue: Marries Joe (GI) to escape from war torn Normandy.

Flaw: Idealistic, Naïve.

Values: Love, Freedom, Adventure.

Character Dilemma: Pleasing others versus being independent.

Present Day Lillian:

High Concept relationship: The stone will return to Lillian in the last moments of her life, she will be reunited with her soldier. She too gets a second chance at love… in death.

Character’s Journey: From owning Lillian’s Resort Motel to checking herself into a rest home, to destroying her granddaughter’s concept of love, to finding her second chance with the stone.

Actor Attractors: Elder Lillian is a firecracker who is losing her fuse. She has lived, loved, and lied. But in the end, Lillian is the reason for everyone’s chance to GLOW AGAIN.

Role in the Story: Triangle

Age range and Description: (90s) sharp as a tack losing its point. Still wears bright red lipstick.

Core Traits: Unapologetic, Early onset dementia, Brutal, independent.

Motivation: Want- to die anonymously Needs- to unburden her regrets.

Unspoken wound: Had adventurous dreams about moving to America so long ago but wound up on a dirt road in 1940’s Mississippi.

Likability: Sassy old broad (in the best way)

Relatability: Had a dream when she was young

Empathy: Her dream was dead, so she made a dream of her own.

Character Subtext: Satisfied but lonely.

Character Intrigue: Left her life 20 years ago to chase her dream to Montana. Hid her past life from the people in Soaking Springs and invented a fictional past.

Flaw: Detached.

Values: Dishonesty, Honesty, Surrender.

Character Dilemma: Keep the fake life story going vs tell Alley the truth

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character Profile Part 1

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Every time I fill in a blank, I feel the nothing becoming something.

GLOW AGAIN

High Concept: A magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Young Alley:

High Concept relationship: Alley breaks CJ’s heart because she thinks she overhears him trashing her and her dreams.

Character’s Journey: From a hopeful, in love young woman, to a heartbroken wall flower who abandons her dream. From budding star to college drop out.

Actor Attractors: A huge talent – singer songwriter who shows just how fragile we can be when we make ourselves vulnerable to passion and love.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: Early 20s with a fire in her eye and a guitar slung over her shoulder.

Core Traits: Driven, Talented, Hopeful, Romantic

Motivation: Wants – to be a star. Needs- validation

Unspoken Wound: Her grandmother (her emotional cornerstone) went missing a few years ago.

Likability: Young Alley is full of talent, passion, and positivity.

Relatability: Alley feels criticism to the point that she abandones her dream. She also has a lot of regret around handling her and CJ’s breakup badly.

Empathy: It’s sad to watch someone abandon a passion.

Present Day Alley:

High Concept relationship: Alley is Lillian’s granddaughter – she will get a second chance at love with Lillian. Alley is also CJ’s ex – they will have a second chance at love.

Character’s Journey: From an apathetic, lonely woman, to an empowered, self-aware woman who takes back her destiny, and the love of her life.

Actor Attractors: A woman who has wasted a decade of her life over a misunderstanding, takes control of her life and redefines her idea of love.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (30s) with premature frown lines and an eye-rolling habit.

Core Traits: apathetic, sinical, controlling, idealizes love.

Motivation: Wants – to control things so she doesn’t get hurt. Needs – unconditional love

Wound: Thinks she hears CJ slam her passion dream years ago. Now she doesn’t believe in herself or love.

Likability: She’s an Everywoman

Relatability: Trying to make it from one day to the next

Empathy: Gets fired from her dead-end job

Young CJ:

High Concept relationship: CJ falls hard and fast for Alley, then she breaks his heart.

Character’s Journey: From ecstatically in love, to almost dead in a reckless accident.

Actor Attractors: CJ’s a scrappy street jeweler who ruins his young life with a series of heartbroken decisions.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (20s) modern mountain man on a vintage motorcycle.

Core Traits: Quiet, soulful, romantic, proud

Motivation: Wants -to make it on his own. Needs – to belong

Wound: Has no family. has been hurt by love. Swore he’d never trust again.

Likability: A young, romantic rebel trying to make it as a street jeweler.

Relatability: Reaching to create beauty to spite stereotypes and expectation. Also, he is betrayed when Alley tells him there is someone else.

Empathy: Post breakup, CJ gets in an accident and almost dies.

Present Day CJ:

High Concept relationship: Now a grounds keeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ is about to be reunited with the biggest heartbreak of his life.

Character’s Journey: From reclusive mangled man to brave champion of love.

Actor Attractors: CJ lives an untrusting and defensive life as a loner, but when he is faced with the woman who broke his heart, he toggles between shutting her out and longing for her love again.

Role in the Story: Protagonist / Antagonist

Age range and Description: (30s) Shaved bald, scars and all. Manages to stand tall in his defiance of life’s shit sandwich.

Core Traits: defensive, untrusting, brave, romantic

Motivation: Want- to disappear Need- unconditional love

Unspoken Wound: Thinks Alley cheated on him years ago.

Likability: Strong silent type who wants to do a good job.

Relatability: lasting heartbreak and trauma that lies under the surface

Empathy: A broken man with physical and mental scars.

Young Lillian:

High Concept relationship: Lillian brings the mysterious stone to America after WW2

Character’s Journey: Hope filled young French immigrant to poor housewife, to self-made businesswoman.

Actor Attractors: Lillian is a Disenchanted War-bride who plays the grateful wife until later in life, when her husband dies, then she disappears without a trace in search of the American adventure she signed up for so long ago.

Role in the Story: Triangle

Age range and Description: (20) Wild haired shy with the soul of a French bohemian hiding behind oversized glasses.

Core Traits: Naive, culture shocked, resentful, afraid.

Motivation: Wants – Adventure Needs- Independence

Wound: Her home in France was bombed to smitheries – mother and father lost.

Likability: Young Lillian is a hopeful War Bride ready for her new adventure in America, leaving war torn Normandy behind, in love with her new hero.

Relatability: We all know the hope of a fresh start.

Empathy: When she arrives at her new home, it’s in nowhere Mississippi where the whole family lives on one dirt road.

Present Day Lillian:

High Concept relationship: The stone will return to Lillian in the last moments of her life, she will be reunited with her soldier. She too gets a second chance at love… in death.

Character’s Journey: From owning Lillian’s Resort Motel to checking herself into a rest home, to destroying her granddaughter’s concept of love, to finding her own second chance with the stone.

Actor Attractors: Elder Lillian is a firecracker who is losing her fuse. She has lived, loved, and lied. But in the end, Lillian is the reason for everyone’s chance to GLOW AGAIN.

Role in the Story: Triangle

Age range and Description: (90s) sharp as a tack losing its point. Still wears bright red lipstick.

Core Traits: Unapologetic, Early onset dementia, Brutal, independent.

Motivation: Want- to die anonymously Needs- to unburden her regrets.

Unspoken wound: Had adventurous dreams about moving to America so long ago but wound up on a dirt road in 1940’s Mississippi.

Likability: Sassy old broad (in the best way)

Relatability: Had a dream when she was young

Empathy: Her dream was dead, so she made a dream of her own.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: This shows me where to pump up audience connection opportunities when it comes time to write the script.

GLOW AGAIN (new working title. Previously Starcross Chances)

Character: (young) Alley

Likability: Young Alley is a singer/songwriter full of talent, passion and positivity.

Relatability: Alley feels the sting of CJ’s criticism so deeply she abandoned her dream. She also has a lot of regret around handling the breakup badly.

Empathy: It’s sad to watch someone abandon a passion with a broken heart.

Character: (young) CJ

Likability: A young, romantic rebel trying to make it as a street jeweler.

Relatability: Reaching to create beauty to spite stereotypes and expectation. Also, he feels betrayal when Alley tells him there is someone else.

Empathy: Post breakup, CJ gets in a reckless accident and almost dies. It’s hard to watch an emotional train reck turn physically dangerous.

Character: (young) Lillian

Likability: Young Lillian is a hopeful War Bride ready for her new adventure in America, leaving war torn Normandy behind, in love with her new GI husband hero.

Relatability: We all know the hope of a fresh start.

Empathy: When she arrives at her new home, it’s in nowhere Mississippi where the whole family lives on one dirt road.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character’s Intrigue

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: With each step, a new detail falls into place.

STARCROSS CHANCES

Character: Alley

Unspoken Wound: Thinks she hears CJ slam her passion dream years ago.

Secret Identity: Lillian’s granddaughter

Hidden agenda: Trying to find out how Lillian got to Soaking springs and where she is now.

How it shows up: Still views CJ as an asshole when they are reunited. Keeps her suspicions about Lillian to herself as she is trying to work out who knows what.

Character: CJ

Unspoken Wound: Thinks Alley cheated on him years ago.

Secret Identity: He looks very different now, hiding away as the groundskeeper at Lillian’s.

How it shows up: He’s cagey and guarded around Alley and because he looks so different, he chooses when to reveal himself to Alley.

Character: Lillian

Unspoken wound: Had adventurous dreams about moving to America so long ago but wound up on a dirt road in 1940’s Mississippi.

Secrets: Abandoned her life and moved to Soaking Springs Montana.

Deception: Made up a bunch of romantic stories that reflected how she wished her life had been.

How it shows up: Young Lillian has a collection of postcards about the places she wishes she could go, one of which is Montana. She disappears the week after her husband dies. No one knew to where… until now.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Subtext Characters

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: The subtext is the thing we are attracted to most when we engage with a full character.

Example Movie: Possession

Character Name: Maud Bailey (Gwyneth Paltrow)

Subtext Identity: Hopeless romantic in academia.

Subtext Trait: Covers by being a ball buster.

Subtext Logline: Maud is a hopeless romantic in academia who covers by being a ball buster but when she finds love, goes all in.

Possible areas of Subtext: Gets involved romantically with her academic peers. Is publicly brash and condescending, but privately shows a tender underbelly.

Lead Characters for Starcross Chances

Character Name: Alley Winder

Subtext Identity: Has a self-worth wound

Subtext Trait: plays it safe

Subtext Logline: Alley plays it safe in her life until someone criticizes her abilities, then she stews in paralyzed resentment.

Possible areas of Subtext: Hates her job but complains about how she is treated rather than change jobs. Even when she is reunited with CJ, she doesn’t want to talk about the break-up. When she learns about the misunderstanding, she tries to complain, but her tricks don’t work anymore. Crossroads time.

Character Name: CJ Claim

Subtext Identity: Has an infidelity wound

Subtext Trait: Untrusting and defensive loner.

Subtext Logline: CJ lives an untrusting and defensive life as a loner, but when he is faced with the woman who broke his heart, he toggles between shutting her out and longing for her love again.

Possible areas of Subtext: When CJ thought Alley cheated on him so long ago, he became reckless which led to the accident that almost killed him. When he sees Alley again in Soaking Springs, he hides himself from her at first, but then shows himself in a way where she can’t run away.

Character Name: Lillian Lamont

Subtext Identity: Disenchanted War-bride

Subtext Trait: Plays the grateful wife.

Subtext Logline: Lillian is a Disenchanted War-bride who plays the grateful wife until her husband dies, then she disappears without a trace in search of the American adventure she signed up for.

Possible areas of Subtext: Tries hard with new fam. But nurses her resentment when they don’t accept her. Convinces new husband to move to bigger city. Covers deer heads on the walls with sheets when her husband is away.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Actor Attractors for Starcross Chances

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: These questions draw out characters that have deep waters.

Movie Title: STARCROSS CHANCES

Lead Character Name: Alley

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? A woman who has wasted a decade of her life over a misunderstanding, takes back control of her life and redefines her idea of love.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Totally relatable. We all have stories we made up in our heads about things that happened. What if we found out that everything that we thought about it was wrong?

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Alley abandons her creative passion because of a perceived insult.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Singing an amazing song on acoustic guitar, giving the performance of her life… alone in her bedroom.

What is this character’s emotional range? Passionate, heartbroken, Vulnerable, Resentful, Confused, Curious, Bittersweet, Sadness, Embarrassment, Disconnection, Insecurity, Self-righteousness, Love, Forgiveness. Humility.

What subtext can the actor play? Disappointment in her life not lived. Longing for lost love.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With her ex-lover CJ and with her long-lost Grandmother.

How is this character’s unique voice presented? Through flashbacks where we see the passionate version of herself and through her present-day pent-up passion.

What makes this character special and unique? Her longing, self-denial and sudden willingness to abandon her ideas about the past in order to go for the second chance at love.

Lead Character Name: CJ

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? A man who ruined his life with a series of reckless, heartbroken choices years ago, but finds the courage to reignite love with the very woman who broke his heart.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? A talented jack of all trades type who hides away in a small town that time forgot but has big dreams for himself.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Dives into the river to retrieve the necklace Ally threw in years ago.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? A rebel type selling handmade jewelry off the back of his motorcycle at the local market and falling for a young Alley on first sight.

What is this character’s emotional range? Heartbroken, Vulnerable, Curious, Bittersweet, Regret, Sarcasm, Anguish, Despair, Shame, Grief, Self-righteousness, Defensiveness, Anger, Love, Forgiveness. Humility.

What subtext can the actor play? Resentment for a life ruined. Contentment with invisibility. Longing for lost love.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With his ex-lover Alley and his best bud Charlie.

How is this character’s unique voice presented? Through flashbacks where we see the tragic accident that occurred after their breakup and through the defensive and vulnerable attempt to reconnect.

What makes this character special and unique? His sudden willingness to open his heart to the second chance at love. And his willingness to make a grand gesture.

Lead Character Name: Lillian

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? A war bride who brings a magical stone to America that gives second chances to star-crossed lovers.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Leaves her home to find a better life but then abandons her family to chase her dream that was never realized.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Tells her long lost granddaughter (Alley) that the love stories she told her as a child were made up.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Young Lillian: A war bride sitting alone on her suitcase at the dock, holding a mystical stone, waiting for her soldier to pick her up. Elder Lillian: a feisty 90’s something who checked herself into a rest home.

What is this character’s emotional range? Avoiding, Envy, Resentment, Bittersweet, Nostalgic, Irony, Pity, Comparative suffering, Humiliation, Fitting in, Belonging, Loneliness, Betrayal, Foreboding Joy, Relief, Pride, Love.

What subtext can the actor play? Willful Disconnection from all previous agreements. Longing for lost love.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Her past with her GI husband, and with Alley both past and present.

How is this character’s unique voice presented? Through flashbacks where we see her struggles as a young war bride and how she told Alley her love stories.

What makes this character special and unique? The paradox between: her love for Alley and her unbridled selfishness and lack of regret.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Actor Attractors for POSSESSION

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Watching a movie with these things in mind is a real eye opener.

Movie Title: Possession

Lead Character Name: Rolland Mitchel (Aaron Eckhart)

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? The swaggery American in London who beats the Brits at their own game.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Rolland is a English Poetry grad student who says he is not interested in Love.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Steals love letters from the London Library, but you really don’t care because he is so earnest.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Stealing a handwritten love letter from the pages of a well known 1800’s poet’s book.

What is this character’s emotional range? Cocky, to hopelessly romantic, to shell shocked lover, to hero, to modest.

What subtext can the actor play? Being in love with the very woman he is annoyed with.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With his own heartache and his high-strung research partner.

How is this character’s unique voice presented? Cocky, Romantic American in London.

What makes this character special and unique? He’s a bad boy rebel with a marshmallow heart.

Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model:

When Rolland seduces his fellow research assistant, and we are like: YES! And then stops and says he does not want to mess this up, but really is saying: I’m scared as hell to get hurt.

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s Genre Conventions

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: I’m set up well with this story to make it fit the Drama conventions.

STARCROSSED CHANCES

With help from a magical stone, two star-crossed lovers are reunited decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Main Conflict:

After a stupid misunderstanding, Ally and CJ destroy their young love. Both their lives spin tragically off course only to collide decades later. They must heal years of resentment and heartbreak if they are to have a second chance at love.

Old Ways:

Bases her idea of love around hyper – idyllic post war stories from her grandmother.Abandons a professional dream because of a perceived insult. Runs away from love. Believes in the hardships of life.<div>

New Ways:

Bases her idea of love on realistic / imperfect beauty of true love right before her. Reconnects with her personal passion. Runs toward love.Believes in magic.

Act 1:

Opening: We see how a mystic stone made its way to America via a WW2 War bride. The stone is given to her by her mother, who tells her to go to America for a second chance at a good life.

Intro protag: Ally is frustrated in a job she has no passion for and reminisces with her best friend on the life she thought she would have.

Inciting Incident: Ally buys a “mystic” stone from an ancient hippy in a Missoula Antique shop. The woman tells Ally she got it from a French woman who was checking herself into a rest home and getting rid of stuff.

Turning Point: Ally loses her job / we see flashbacks to when her life went off course. We see her side of the big fight with CJ years ago.

Act 2:

New plan: Ally heads to Soaking Spring Montana to get her head together, And soak in the “healing” waters. She stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because it reminds her of her long-lost grandmother whose name was Lillian.

Plan in action: Takes the Star cross stone with her to Soaking Springs – little does she know that she’s entering a bit of a twilight zone where all her life’s heartbreaks will collide in a town that time forgot.

Midpoint Turning Point: At Lillian’s, Ally tastes a bread that only she and her long-lost Nanna know how to make… or so she thought. CJ, Ally’s long-lost lover is the grounds keeper at Lillian’s. He spots her, she does not see him. Even if she spotted him, she would not recognize him now… he looks so different after the accident that changed his life.

Act 3:

Rethink Everything: CJ reels with a flood of memories of Ally and we see his side of how things went south with them years ago. And we get a glimpse of the terrible, post break up accident.

New Plan: Ally and CJ have an awkward reunion. They soak, exchange stories about what happened to them after the breakup. Sparks fly. But refuse to talk about what happened years ago.

Ally tracks down the baker in town to find out who is making the bread and learns that her long lost Nanna didn’t disappear after all. And because she no longer saw her Ally, she found a surrogate granddaughter in this Baker. Ally learns her Nanna founded Lillian’s Resort Motel, but she mysteriously left years ago.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ally and CJ get in a huge fight over their breakup of years ago. Ally leaves Soaking Springs, but not before she finds out Her long-lost Nanna has been in a rest home in Missoula this whole time.

Act 4:

Climax / ultimate expression of the conflict: CJ tracks Ally down in Missoula and offers his heart again. Preoccupied with the rediscovery of her Nanna, And not knowing CJ’s tragic story yet, she waffles.Rebuffed, CJ leaves.

Ally visits her Nanna (Lillian) and finds out that Lillian made up most of the WW2 love stories on which Ally based her unrealistic idea of love. After an all too honest confession from Lillian (she’s losing her emotional filter due to early stages dementia) Ally leaves the mystic stone with Lillian.

Resolution: Realizing that true love is not about fairytales, Ally commits her heart to CJ and they Finally seal the deal with an epic kiss.

Alone in the rest home, Lillian holds the mystic stone as she drifts off to sleep thinking of her long-lost soldier. She dies in her sleep and is reunited with him.

While clearing the room for the next resident, one of the nurses at the home nabs the mystic stone to sell to this shop she knows that buys stuff in Missoula. It returns to the ancient hippy in the antique shop and returns to its case…

waiting for its next opportunity to give STARCROSSED CHANCES.

</div>

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: At this point, this story has more holes than Swiss cheese. But Swiss cheese makes damn good grilled cheese sandwiches.

STARCROSSED CHANCES

With help from a magical stone, two star-crossed lovers are reunited decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Main Conflict:

After a stupid misunderstanding, Ally and CJ destroy their young love. Both their lives spin tragically off course only to collide decades later. They must heal years of resentment and heartbreak if they are to have a second chance at love.

Old Ways: Protagonist Ally

Bases her idea of love around hyper – idyllic post war stories from her grandmother. Abandons her professional dream because of a perceived insult. <div>

Runs away from love. Believes in the hardships of life.

<div>

New Ways: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Protagonist Ally
Bases her idea of love on realistic / imperfect beauty of true love right before her. Reconnects with her personal passion. Runs toward love. Believes in magic.

Act 1:

Opening: We see how a mystic stone made its way to America via a WW2 War bride.

Intro protag: Ally is frustrated in a job she has no passion for and reminisces with her best friend on the life she thought she would have.

Inciting Incident: Ally buys the mystic stone from an ancient hippy in a Missoula Antique shop, who sold it to her with a yarn about how it heals old heartbreaks and offers new chances.

Turning Point: She loses her job / we see flashback to when her life went off course.

Act 2:

New plan: Ally heads to Soaking Spring Montana to get her head together. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because it reminds her of her long-lost grandmother whose name was Lillian.

Plan in action: Takes the stone with her to Soaking Springs – little does she know that she’s entering a bit of a twilight zone where all her life’s heartbreaks will collide in a town that time forgot.

Midpoint Turning Point: At Lillian’s, Ally tastes a bread that only she and her long-lost Nanna know how to make… or so she thought.

CJ, Ally’s long-lost lover is the grounds keeper at Lillian’s. He spots her, she does not see him.

Act 3:

Rethink Everything: CJ reels with a flood of memories of Ally and we see his side of how things went south with them years ago.

New Plan: Ally and CJ have an awkward reunion. They soak in the hot springs, exchange stories about what happened to them after the breakup. Sparks fly.

Ally tracks down the baker in town to find out who is making this bread and learns that her long lost Nanna didn’t disappear after all. She founded Lillian’s Resort Motel, but she mysteriously left years ago.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ally and CJ get in a huge fight over their breakup of years ago. Ally leaves Soaking Springs, but not before she finds out Her long-lost Nanna is in a rest home in Missoula the whole time.

Act 4:

Climax / ultimate expression of the conflict: CJ tracks Ally down in Missoula and offers his heart again. She waffles. He leaves — rebuffed.

Ally finds the rest home, visits her Nanna (Lillian) and finds out that Lillian made up most of the WW2 love stories on which Ally based her unrealistic idea of love.

Ally leaves the mystic stone with Lillian and returns home, disenchanted.

Resolution: Ally commits her heart to CJ and they Finally seal the deal with an epic kiss.

Alone in the rest home, Lillian holds the mystic stone as she drifts off to sleep thinking of her long-lost soldier. She dies in her sleep and is reunited with him.

One of the nurses at the home nabs the mystic stone to sell to this shop she knows that buys stuff in Missoula. It returns to the ancient hippy in the antique shop and returns to its case… waiting for its next opportunity to give STARCROSSED CHANCES.

</div></div>

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s subtext plot

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Considering these subtext plots, new directions for the plot reveal themselves.

STARCROSSED CHANCES

With help from a magical stone, two star-crossed lovers are reunited decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Subtext Plot choices:

Layering

Ally bases her idea of love on her grandmother’s over-idyllic post war stories. Towards the end, however, Ally discovers that her grandmother made up many of these stories to reinvent the life she wishes she had. This destroys Ally’s concept of love and forces her to construct her own destiny.

Superior Position

Through flashbacks, we see how both C.J.’s and Ally’s lives spun off trajectory after their heartbreak with each other decades ago while, in the story, they are still struggling with their own ideas of what happened.

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s transformational journey

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: This is moving target, and that’s ok. Also, I really liked typing; Renée Brown’s transformational journey.

(new working title)

STARCROSSED CHANCES

With help from a magical stone, star-crossed lovers are reunited decades later in a small Montana town that keeps big hearted secrets.

Protagonist: Ally

Arc Beginning: Apathetic wallflower.

Arc Ending: Passionate, self-possessed woman.

Internal Journey: From heartbroken and disillusioned in love to clear eyed and ready to love.

External Journey: From a life she doesn’t care about to creating a life that fulfills her.

Old Ways:

Bases her idea of love around hyper – idyllic post war stories from her grandmother. Abandons a professional dream because of a perceived insult. <div>

Runs away from love.

Believes in the hardships of life.

New Ways:

Bases her idea of love on realistic / imperfect beauty of true love right before her. Reconnects with her personal passion. </div>

Runs toward love.

Believes in magic.

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s Intentional Lead characters

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Take it one step at a time. No need to figure it all out now.

STARCROSSED SUMMER

A magical stone reunites star crossed lovers after decades in a small Montana town that keeps big secrets.

Feature Drama / Dramatic Triangle

ALLY: (40s) a once promising songwriter who abandoned her passions after a devastating breakup with C.J, and who now lives an apathetic life as a copy editor in Missoula, Montana.

Unique: Ally based her idea of ‘what love is’ on the romantic post war stories her grandmother used to tell her.

C.J.: (40s) a once street vending jeweler who got in a drunken car accident after his breakup with Ally, and who is now the caretaker at “Lillian’s Resort Motel” in Soaking Springs, Montana.

Unique: C.J. never healed from his broken heart or his broken body, but longs for a second chance at love.

LILLIAN: (90s) A WW2 French war bride who disappeared from her southern family to the town of Soaking Springs, MT after the death of her husband.

Unique: Lillian is Ally’s long-lost grandmother who founded “Lillian’s Resort Motel”

[Renee Brown]

(WIM) Renee Brown’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure

“My scripts are the cream that rises to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned with this assignment: To commit to the concept and title that excites me most.

STARCROSSED SUMMER

With a little help from a magical stone, star crossed lovers find their way back to each other after decades in a small Montana town that keeps big-hearted secrets.

Feature Drama / Dramatic Triangle

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown

I agree to the terms of this release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Renee Brown]

Hi everyone,

Renee Brown here.

I have 2 scripts and working on a 3rd.

What I’m up to: Gain solid wisdom on how to merge my etherial concepts with commercial appeal while maintaining the magic and wonder.

Something unique…. I take my popcorn with honey and hot sauce and I eat it with chopsticks!

[Renee Brown]

Ok everyone….

So on yesterday’s zoom it was painfully obvious that I could not articulate my show concept! 🙂

It’s interesting that after 5 months of development and sooooo much intensive work…after writing the pilot … that I opened my mouth and ” blah blah duh ummm….” came out.

But hey, I’m gonna practice non-perfection here and get my tenacious butt right back on that resiliency horse and try again. Because Come on! right? I believe in my show and wanna get this right. So check out the above post and let’s get this feed back party started.

Renee

[Renee Brown]

ALIENS’ EARTH

1 Hour Sci-fi Drama – Serial

NUTSHELL: Dune meets The Godfather.

CONCEPT: Earth Aliens and Humans must unite against a lurking foe before life on earth is obliterated.

Three alien species live on earth right now: Longheads, Deepers, and Skyfliers. They’ve been here for over 150,000 years. They live in hidden places, disguised from humanity, their peace maintained by a shared prophecy.

But now, peace on earth is in peril!

One of the alien leaders has gone rogue, and a strange, cloaked Planet X has parked next to earth; threatening to blow everyone’s cover. Planet X is a friend to the factions but must be hidden from humans if earth aliens are to survive.

Just when it seems they will restore balance between their factions, a new species arrives that could end them all – the Greys.

Will the prophecy that unites the earth alien factions hold fast? Is the prophecy even real?

When war breaks out over control of earth, can humanity and earth aliens unite to defeat

The Greys?

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Earth Alien factions must move closer to mutual understanding each week if they are to unite with humanity against the Greys.

BIO: Renee Brown was raised on Star Trek, National Geographic, and Velveeta.

[Renee Brown]

Well, I got my posts mixed up. Dang. oh well. I’m just gonna let it be and add…..

Renee Brown has finished Wordsmithing!

Hands down (for me), the reading backwards was the most frustrating, tedious, and amazingly useful tool. (see what I did with irony there?….you’ve created a monster:):)

Not only did I find typos that I couldn’t believe I missed, but it lead to description and dialogue edits too. It forces me to ask: Does this line of description or dialogue stand on its own as a solid image or statement? Can I tell who is talking here even out of context? Is every line interesting in some way?

It has become my new favorite editing tool.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has Great introductions.

What I learned doing this assignment is how much more I can paint the kind of image I see in my mind and give the reader an adventurous journey.

Still working on character intros, but really leaning into using the entire scene as the intro instead of just the line after their names.

The Irony piece really adds depth. Example:

TALLAS (looks 40, actually 368) Wiseman of the Longheads, scribe of The Prophecy of Unity, sits in a learning circle with a small group of children.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has amazing description! Yeehaw. 🙂

What I learned here: The description chart is super helpful. From here I’m gonna go through again… and again… see what I can find. Cuz there is ALWAYS something to find…

Some examples of more improvements:

CHARACTER INTROS:

New:

An enormous industrial room. Bigger than the house above. 30-foot ceilings. One wall is floor to ceiling monitors. Same era as the house. They’re labeled. Vertical rows.

Standing wide stance and crossed arms in front of this wall is STEELMAN HUNTER (Formidable 40’s). He peers at the monitors. His eyes darting from one to another. Surgical precision.

New:

A DEEPER IN WAITING (20’s) float-walks into the room. A quick curtsey. Swishing bubbly current rather than rustling silks.

INTRO WORLD:

EXT. PALACE WALL

Huge ports open and water blasts out the side of the palace. The turbulence bounces Anauk’s cruiser. He pulls up and over to Saltar’s private landing pad.

He waits. Watches the shield lower and the water drain from the room.

INT. SALTAR’S CHAMBERS

As the water level lowers, Saltar stretches her neck this way and that. The gills clamp shut and just as the water clears, she opens her mouth. Draws in an exquisite breath.

ACTION INTERNAL PROCESS

Before:

He taps a series of tabs. On screen, the satellite cloaks.

After:

He taps some tabs like he’s playing thumb drums — This’ll impress her. On screen, the satellite cloaks.

Before:

Tallas is gob smacked.

After:

Tallas is gob smacked. Is he joking? Has he finally gone off the cliff?

REVEALS : sets up for future episodes when we discover Anauk has Deeper blood in his veins because of his mother’s hidden past.

Anauk concedes, only to be disgusted by the slime Saltar is stretching out of the pack.

ANAUK

Looks like something my Wingoo coughed up.

SALTAR

It’s tuned to Deeper blood, so it won’t be a really good fit. But I think it will bind the wound.

(then)

I know it will help with the pain. Your surgeons can take it off when they tend to you.

Saltar holds the oozing glob close to Anauk’s wing. It activates, ameba like, colors swirl as it slips over Anauk’s wound.

It forms seamless patches between his ripped flesh. A rainbow bandage… with a perfect fit.

ANAUK

It likes me.

Saltar dodges. Hides her amazement, turning to suspicion. How is it possible? He isn’t a Deeper!

SALTAR

Likes you more than it should. I guess you just have that affect.

Anauk shrugs his wing. Incredible! He stands and spreads his wings — magnificent.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has great introductions.

What I learned here: I have been struggling with the descriptions. But with these tools, I could march through my script and see pretty easily where I could strengthen. Also, coming back to: an entire scene can serve to introduce a character meaningfully really opened things up.

An example of each kind of improvement follows.

INTRO WORLD:

SALTAR (30’s) and GENERAL LOCH (40’s) Float-stand in the lavish, glowing, fully submerged room. Gills wisp back and forth on their necks.

Saltar circles around the 3D relay of a small town on the coast. Humans gape up at the sky. Some crying, some laughing, some cheering.

Saltar swipes the image. Her hands form a vortex that morphs into an outer space view of Planet X.

CHARACTER INTRO:

Before:

AURORA (20’s) straddles the CONTROL OFFICER.

After:

AURORA (20’s) flairs her feathers with coy authority as she straddles the CONTROL OFFICER.

IRONY:

Before:

Tallas(40’s). Sits in the learning circle.

After:

TALLAS (looks 40. Actually 368). Wise man of the Longheads, scribe of The Prophecy of Unity, Sits in a learning circle with a small group of children.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Description 1!

What I learned here is that I consistently put too little into my descriptions. I see it clearly in my head, but when I really take a look at what’s on the page, It’s a lot of bland. Digging into the imagery really pumps it up and I see my story coming alive.

Following are the 5 before and afters.

#1:

Before:

Aurora flies down, kneels next to Anauk and pushes the sweaty hair from his face.

After:

Aurora flies down. Lands next to her brother. Tears stream down her face. She brushes sweat drenched hair from his eyes. Anauk pushes up out of the puddle of his own blood. His wing drags through the mess.

#2:

Before:

The ouroboros stone rolls shut. Tallas grabs the prophecy pages and throws them in the fire.

After:

Tallas watches the ouroboros stone roll shut. Frustration builds. He grabs the prophecy pages, crumples them up and throws them in the fire.

He misses. The ball of parchment bounces off the cavern wall and rolls back to his feet.

He huffs a pathetic chuckle, picks up the discarded prophecy and slumps into his chair.

#3:

Before:

Dauntus lounges on his throne. An Officer (30’s) marches in.

After:

Dauntus lounges on his throne doing something twitchy. Aurora leans against a column, eyeing her father. An Officer (30’s) marches in. Checks her confidence at the door.

#4

Before:

Anauk’s cruiser speeds toward the palace.

After:

The palace is just a shimmer of current at first, but Anauk knows what he’s looking for. A glimmer of rainbow. A glint of shine. There!

Anauk cracks a smile. His cruiser speeds toward the palace. He is unannounced. An iridescent bio-shield slips over the palace.

#5

Before:

Saltar holds the bio-bandage close to Anauk’s wing. It activates and slips over Anauk’s wound.

After:

Saltar holds the oozing glob close to Anauk’s wing. It activates, ameba like, colors swirl as it slips over Anauk’s wound, growing a stretchy bridge between the ripped tissue.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has great dialogue.

What I learned here: Lines I thought were good got better and lead to adding more dialogue to some scenes to flesh out the new momentum. I honed the specific voices of the characters and actually had a lot of fun with this. Eliminated all the generic speed writing Yes / No speech. My script currently has 282 lines of dialogue and I made significant changes to 63 lines.

Top 5 changes are:

#1 –

CONTROL OFFICER

This’ll mess with ‘em.

(added personal subtext revealing Aurora’s character, Pumped up the set up / pay off, and dialogue as action. ) Changed line to:

I know you like to watch. Wanna see em squirm?

AURORA

(added this line)

I’m watching you squirm just now.

CONTROL OFFICER

Sometimes I just sit here cloak’n and uncloak’n stuff just to see ‘em scatter.

(vague. flipped it to a set up) changed to:

Consider it foreplay.

#2-

DAUNTUS

You. Are just like your mother. Getting into things you have no business in. Stupid. Weak. If you don’t watch yourself you’ll end up just like she did.

(added irony with the word beautiful)

Just like your mother. That beautiful, stupid, weak woman. Can’t you see? If you keep this up, you will end up just like her.

Dauntus snaps his glare down to Anauk. Leans in close.

DAUNTUS

Dead.

(cliche. used words a Skyflier would use. Also, ‘disappearing’ invokes mystery.) Changed to:

Ashes. Disappearing into the clouds.

#3-

GROT

Come on, Tallas. No more scrolls … Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it.

TALLAS

No. I have not.

(generic. added Dialogue as action and Irony) changed to:

It’s not enough I am the scribe of this forgery? You now ask me to become the deception? To live this lie?

GROT

(added this line, deepening irony)

Are you not already living it?

#4

DEEPER

Majesty.

SALTAR

I hate it when they call me that.

(changed to speak through character)

Makes my scales chafe when they call me that.

#5 (first draft speed writing YES!/ NO! dialogue eliminated)

SALTAR

It was not us. Someday you will believe me.

(weak set up. Added intrigue ) changed to:

You of all of people know you can’t always trust your eyes. Someday you will believe me.

Tallas steps back, trying for a better vantage point. His foot almost lands on Saltar’s chest when –

TALLAS

No. I will not.

(switched to attack/ counter attack and added a mystery) changed to:

Someday you will pay for your ancestor’s betrayal of the unity.

Saltar grabs Tallas’ foot and rolls, taking Tallas down.

SALTAR

YES!

(counter attack and mystery)changed to:

We betrayed no one!

Tallas rolls with her and away. Gets back on his feet. Saltar drops her camouflage and stands goddess like before him. All slick and glisten.

SALTAR

Yes. You will.

(attack / counter attack and foreshadowing) changed to:

Someday you will ask forgiveness for these accusations.

(still pondering if the repetition of the word “someday” helps with attack / counter attack, or just sounds like the same word over and over….)

[Renee Brown]

Hi

Renee Brown

1 feature script, 1 pilot

My hope: Elevate Elevate Elevate

Strange me: I mix my own sweet and spicy mayo for take out sushi. Secret: Maple syrup.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Dialogue 7-8

What I learned: When shining light on these techniques, I can spot where I am using them already and deepen them for more effect. Also, just by doing this exercise, it adds layers to flat interactions between characters.

For example, biggest score from this assignment: before this exercise Aurora and Saltar had no connection except for both knowing Anauk. Now, with the addition of one line, they have an implied backstory together; producing a mystery.

DIALOGUE AS ACTION :

<font face=”inherit”>Example 1: </font>

TALLAS

How did you know how to get here?

Saltar dodges. Tallas comes face to face.

TALLAS

How many times have you been here?

(then)

Melting into my walls. Watching my visions.

Example 2:

DECK OFFICER

That’s Anauk… I know his coms are down, but why is his cruiser blown out like that.

Aurora musters a chuckle.

AURORA

He likes to spread his wings when he flies that thing.

Skyflier 1 joins in

SKYFLIER 1

Makes him think he can actually fly that fast.

AURORA

Come on… let’s go give him shit.

SKYFLIER 1

Always.

Aurora orders the deck officer:

AURORA

Let him in. We’ll take him to father.

Example 3:

TALLAS

I will disguise you.

(new)

I will disguise you as a Longhead. You will be my initiate.

STEELMAN

I’m not up for costume parties.

(new)

I’m not up for costume parties. When you come back you can —

DIALOGUE AS SUBTEXT:

Example 1: Points to = Strator and Dauntus have history. (this dialogue is new. No before)

Dauntus stands in disgust, a prisoner of his own guards. His hands and feet bound by grounding beams.

DAUNTUS

Of course they sent YOU.

Strator inspects Dauntus.

STRATOR

Why are his wings not bound?

DAUNTUS

My men allow me some dignity.

STRATOR

I allow you none. Bind them.

Example 2: Points to = Saltar doesn’t like Aurora much.

Aurora tilts her head at Saltar’s quip and hands her a bag. It’s full of water and some wet towels.

SALTAR

Thank you.

(new line)

Ah. Kindness from the ice princess.

Example 3: Points to Anauk has the respect of his Fliers, They raised hell together in the past, They know Aurora is a player.

The Skyfliers drop the cards and rush to him, darting horrified glances at each other.

ANAUK

Help me in.

(or)

Lift it up, I can’t reach the strap.

SKYFLIER 2 lifts his wing. Dead weight. Tendon and sinew slip and turn.

SKYFLIER 2

How are you even vertical right now?

Anauk pulls a hypo – syringe from his pocket. Puts it to his neck an pulls the trigger.

SKYFLIER 1

Prophets. You can’t fly like that.

ANAUK

I’ve flown worse. You’ve seen me fly worse. Human moonshine. Remember?

SKYFLIER 1

I’ll get mine and fly close.

ANAUK

No. I have to go alone. Find Aurora. Keep her away from that idiot she’s toying with.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Dialogue 4-6

What I learned: With each sweep of dialogue, I see room for improvement on lines I thought did the job.

Below: orig. dialogue in Bold, new is underlined.

SET UP / PAY OFF

example 1:

Set up:

CONTROL OFFICER

This’ll mess with ‘em.

(new set up)

I know you like to watch. Wanna see em squirm?

Pay off:

VOICE ON TRANSMISSION (O.S.)

I don’t know, Sir. No explosion. It just…disappeared.

VOICE 2 ON TRANSMISSSION (O.S.)

It can’t just disappear, son.

(new pay off)

It’s not a rabbit in a hat, son. It’s a 90 million dollar package the size of a school bus.

example 2:

Set up:

CONTROL OFFICER

There. That’s a big one.

(new set up)

That one. NASA’s GPS.

ANTICIPATORY DIALOUGE

example 1:

CONTROL OFFICER

He’s had us cloak it ever since it passed Neptune. You uncloak THAT and humans will crack. I mean crack.

(new anticipatory)

He cloaked it when it passed Neptune. You uncloak THAT, and your father will go super nova… and humans will crack. I mean crack.

example 2:

GROT

Come on. No more scrolls … Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it.

TALLAS

No. I have not.

(new anticipatory)

It’s not enough I am the scribe of this lie? You now ask me to become the deception?

IRONIC DIALOUGE

example 1:Words opposite words

AURORA

That’s kinda mean.

(new Ironic)

That’s mean. Do another one.

example 2: Words opposite character

GROT

Be what your people need. The truth is irrelevant.

TALLAS

The truth is our life.

GROT

It’s all a fabrication. No matter what. So make it a good one.

example 3:Words opposite action (this is after a scene where Dauntus beats his son brutally. Now he talks to him like nothing much just happened.) Also, the (or) +dialogue are place holders for me playing with another way to say it. underlining the one I’m leaning towards.

Dauntus turns on his heel and marches past his son, pausing for a brief assessment.

DAUNTUS

Looks like you’re good for something after all.

(or)

So you’re not a total loss.

(or)

Look at that. Not a total loss after all.

He marches out of the room — calling back.

DAUNTUS

Clean yourself up. Find your sister. We have work to do.

(or)

Clean up! We have work to do.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned by doing this assignment is:

While it still needs work, I am finding that the dialogue with my main characters naturally has more depth, while the dialogue of the minor characters, who I did not develop with all their layers, falls flat as a pancake. So. I am imagining a little back story for each character so even the small bits sing more true.

Also, I am finding a lot of short answers from my main characters. It reminds me of the writer in Hal’s audio lecture. SO! My take away: there are a million ways to say YES or NO that add character depth with the dialogue.

For example: In this scene where I was working on Attack/ Counterattack, I placed in Bold my first draft speed writing dialogue. Under that is the underlined new dialogue that says more about the character.

INT. RECEPTION CHAMBER

Saltar opens the reception chamber and glides to the wall. Pushes on a panel. A tray extends. Two glasses steaming with electric blue liquid. She hands one to Anauk.

SALTAR

What does Tallas say?

ANAUK

He’s behind that damn stone in his water cave of wonders. They won’t get him out. I don’t know if they even see Planet X or know what’s happening above.

SALTAR

I can get to him.

ANAUK

Like he’s gonna take your ping.

SALTAR

No. I know.

I’m not an idiot.

ANAUK

So what.. Just gonna swim up through the water cave and be like, “Hey Tallas, I know you hate me but you got a sec?”

SALTAR

Yes.

I’ll be a little more nuanced than that, I hope.

Anauk checks her for seriousness. Grows serious himself.

ANAUK

He will kill you.

SALTAR

Maybe.

He can try.

Saltar CLANKS the TEA CUP on the TABLE and walks out.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown completed P/S grid #2.

What I learned in this assignment is to (try to) place myself in the mindset of someone who knows nothing about my story. It becomes easier to see the problems when I am not buried in the story.

I tweaked some exposition into reveals. Biggest thing I saw were weak descriptions and weak character intros. But I see that is in lesson 12&13 coming up, so I won’t get ahead here.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned in this assignment: I feel like my pilot is in pretty good shape structurally.

I completely rewrote Act 5 from outline to draft as to keep the momentum going and end the pilot on a better “gotta see where this is going” scene.

I also tightened up where the acts end. I made the turning points more concise. I have a lot of gaps in descriptions… so next lesson will really help. I’m at 42 pages now…

R

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has finished Act 5

What I learned is that I am super excited about the upcoming drafts.

Can’t wait to do a rewrite? yeah, that’s a first.

yeehaw…onward!

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown finished Act 4

What I learned is that writing the pilot is informing changes in my pitch bible. That paired with some great notes from PB exchange = looking forward to re-working my pitch bible. Its gonna be soooo much better the second time around. Truly excited. I’m feeling like I’m setting up open loops in the pilot that will actually take 5-6 seasons to tie up.

[Renee Brown]

oops, eliminates rather than elevates.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Finished Act 2

What I learned: I developed a sort of short hand for myself to not get hung up. If I don’t know a character’s description at all I put (…) after the name. Same with screen descriptions. If I am unsure if a line / phrase / situation works, I put a (?) after it.

Super simple I know…. but it is faster than making a separate note that may or may not get lost in the shuffle and it totally elevates any thoughts of….I don’t want to forget to come back to this …or I need to figure this out before I move on… or…or…or.

[Renee Brown]

Hi, Renee Brown here

I have written 1 feature script, (plus 2 re-writes), I have 2 more feature concepts in outline, and I am developing a TV drama in the SU Binge worthy TV Bootcamp. Working though the Pilot script now.

3. I’ve been writing for some years, and I feel like I am earning my chops there…but marketing? Not so much. All that’s about to change.

4. My purpose in life is to bring joy to millions though my creativity. Too much? Too Big? Naaaaaaa…:) I’m on it.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Finished ACT 1 First Draft.

What I learned: To tear myself away from editing the Teaser and move on to Act 1. Trust the process. I’m leaning into it.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Teaser/High speed writing.

What I learned doing this lesson is: when I am not trying to figure out the structure so much in the draft, the characters have room to breathe because they are well formed. They jump onto the page with moxie right from the start.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Outline with Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is this a lot of the intrigue that are built into scenes can hit on a super subtle level to the viewer, but it is a cumulative effect that builds throughout the episode.

Teaser:

INT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT: Main intrigue: Deception

Open loop: Will Anauk’s sister be found out for uncloaking planet X?

Mystery: Why doesn’t she come forward when Dauntus blames Anauk?

Emp/Dist.: Anauk pays for his sister’s mistake with his wing.

Irony: Dauntus beats his son for setting up the situation he has been waiting for.

Set up: We will find out Dauntus’ plan.

Sister is having a tryst with the control room officer. He is showing off- uncloaking and cloaking satellites – messing with humans. She starts messing with the controls – reaches for one button- officer stops her. Tells her that’s the Planet X cloak. In their passions, she leans on control panel and unknowingly presses the Planet X cloak off. They fly to the room’s upper deck to get it on when Anauk comes in, sees Planet X uncloaked, flies to the panel and re-cloaks it. Dauntus storms in furious. Accuses Anauk of ruining everything. Beats Anauk badly. Breaks his wing. Sister watches horrified from the upper deck and prevents officer from interfering. Dauntus about to break his son’s other wing when he suddenly stops. Considers, drops Anauk and marches to the viewer. Studies Planet X. Declares its time. Leaves Anauk bleeding on the floor.

ACT 1:

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN – NIGHT: Main Intrigue: Secret

Open Loop: Will Tallas get caught forging the prophecy?

Mystery: How does Miriam know Tallas is lying?

Emp/Dist.: Tallas hates deceiving the little ones

Irony: Tallas is trying to do good, but has to lie to do it.

Setup: We are about to learn the high priest is in on the forgery.

Intro Tallas. Teaching young initiates. They start asking pointed questions about the “newly discovered” prophecy pages. Tallas is dodgy because he has faked these “newly discovered” pages. One little girl stands and says she believes Tallas is hiding something from them. Tallas discounts her – tells her that she needs some more work on her telepathic skills before she can read the likes of him. Only thing is…. she’s right on the money. Tallas is cavalier. Shuts down the lesson. All the initiates banter off. But Miriam (little girl) stands stoic. Watches Tallas march to his water gazing cave. The high priest follows Tallas in and turns at the entry—shoos Miriam off. She turns to go—reluctantly.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE: Main intrigue: Hidden Agenda

Open Loop: Will the priest and Tallas be exposed?

Mystery: Why is Tallas / Priest forging the prophecy?

Emp/Dist.: Tallas is shocked the priest would take it that far.

Irony: Tallas wants to hide away, but is pressured to be a public figure

Setup: We will find out that Tallas is a true prophet. (much further along in the series)

High priest follows Tallas in. Tallas says he hates lying to the little ones – it sets up confusion in their minds. Tallas retrieves scroll from a hidden place. Tallas and priest stand over table with forged scroll laid out. Tallas complains about petty things: out of ink, making them look old is hard, running out of new places to “find” them. Priest tries to read Tallas. Tallas, surprised blocks him. – not without my permission. Priest teases – tell Miriam that. Priest tells Tallas to write in a description of himself in this one. He’ll declare Tallas the modern Longhead profit and wise man – no more scrolls necessary. Tallas is stunned / conflicted / horrified. Priest challenges Tallas to become what his people need – start with a water gazing session. Priest leaves – Tells Tallas he will close the ouroboros stone – he will not be disturbed.

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN – ENTRY TO WATER GAZING CAVE: Main intrigue: Hidden Layer.

Open Loop: How will Miriam find out the truth?

Mystery: Why is the priest lying to the children?

Emp/Dist.: Miriam is lied to by someone she trusts.

Payoff: Miriam proves her truth telling talents with the priest.

Irony: Priest tells Miriam not to invade other’s minds after he just tried it with Tallas.

Setup: Miriam has become the watcher – she will ultimately become part of the ONE.

Priest enters to see the initiates gathered in a group. They all snap to when he comes out. Priest reminds them of their duties. Tells them Tallas is in isolation. The initiates leave the cavern in a high school like group. Glow globes trailing behind them. Miriam remains. Staring the priest down. Fearless. Priest kneels before her, teases her. Matter of fact like, Miriam tells Priest he is hiding something too. That it keeps them apart. Priest tells Miriam they all must have private worlds and developing these private worlds is the only way to come together as powerful individuals to form the united whole etc. Miriam in unaffected by his sermon. She turns and leaves.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE: Main intrigue: Wound

Open Loop: Will Tallas always be trapped in this deception?

Mystery: Why has Tallas been chosen to be the head prophet?

Emp/Dist.: Tallas is so lost, he throws his work into the fire

Irony: He hates the forgery but cannot bring himself to destroy it.

Setup: We will see Tallas become the prophet puppet master of the Longheads.

Tallas watches the ouroboros stone slam shut. Turns to his desk. Frustration builds for a beat then he grabs the prophecy, crumples it up and throws it into the fire. Then he rescues the paper and smooths it out…. whipping away the ash. Tells himself that it looks old now.

ACT 2:

INT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL – LAUNCH DECK – NIGHT: Main intrigue: Imminent Threat

Open Loop: Will Anauk escape?

Mystery: Why do the other fliers help him rather than stop him?

Emp/Dist.: His broken wing is heartbreaking to all.

Payoff: He is not his father’s yes man.

Irony: He is a Skyflier who can no longer fly.

Setup: Anauk’s courage and resiliency will help him rise to Skyflier overlord.

Anauk stumbles into the launch deck – in obvious pain – holding his broken wing strapped. The other Skyfliers tease him. He heads straight for his cruiser. Tries to tap his wrist control. Can’t manage and still hold his wing. Drops his wing, drags it behind him. The fellow fliers stop in their tracks. Dart horrified glances, then run to help him. They get him in the ship, one of them wants to come with. Anauk declines. Tells him go keep (sister) safe. Get her away from that idiot (com. Officer) then takes off.

EXT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL: Main intrigue: Imminent Threat

Open Loop: Will Anauk be able to get to Tallas?

Mystery: Why is Anauk trying to get to Tallas first?

Emp/Dist.: He can’t hail anyone because Dauntus killed his coms.

Payoff: He’s tenacious. He finds a work around.

Irony: Anauk has to go to Tallas’ sworn enemy to get to Tallas.

Setup: Tallas, Anauk and Saltar will become a team.

Anauk’s cruiser flies away.

INT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL – THRONE HALL

Dauntus is told Anauk has flown off. Dauntus orders Anauk to be shot down.

Sister pleads/ yells. Dauntus rolls his eyes at his daughter and issues an alt. order to kill Anauk’s communications.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

Anauk hails Tallas. An initiate comes online and tells Anauk that Tallas is in seclusion. Anauk insists. Anauk curses and hails Saltar, but before he can send the hail, his coms go down.

INT. TALLAS’ TEMPLE CAVERN

Initiate tells Anauk that the ouroboros stone has been sealed. It cannot be re-opened for 3 hours.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

Anauk curses and hails Saltar. But before he can send the hail, his coms go down.

He changes course and heads out to sea.

EXT. OCEAN – DAWN: Main intrigue: Secrets

Open Loop: Will Anauk gain access to Saltar’s palace?

Mystery: How many times has Anauk been here?

Emp/Dist.: Anauk can’t communicate with the palace, so the palaces raises shields.

Payoff: Anauk goes directly to Saltar’s chambers.

Irony: The palace is defending against someone who knows it’s most intimate spaces.

Setup: Anauk and Saltar’s bond goes beyond friendship.

Anauk’s cruiser skims the waves then dives deep.

INT. DEEP SEA – DEEPER PALACE – ESTABLISHING

As Anauk’s cruiser approaches, a shield raises around the palace.

INT. DEEPER PALACE – SALTAR’S CHAMBERS

Intro Saltar. She is informed Planet X has been uncloaked and Anauk is outside.

EXT. DEEP SEA

Anauk uses his cruiser to bump at Saltar’s chamber window.

INT. DEEPER PALACE – SALTAR’S CHAMBERS

Saltar signals him in – cool Deeper bio tech intro.

INT. SALTAR’S PRIVATE SEA BALCONY: Main intrigue: Hidden Layers

Open Loop: Will Saltar tell Anauk that the bio bandage indicated he has Deeper blood?

Mystery: how does Saltar know how to get to Tallas’ most secret cave?

Emp/Dist.: Anauk is in pain. He is at first afraid of the Bio tech.

Payoff: Anauk has friends in all the factions

Irony: The son of the biggest asshole is the friend to everyone.

Setup: The way Saltar’s bio-bandage reacts with Anauk tells her that Anauk has Deeper’s blood running in his veins.

Anauk collapses his ship into a palm sized puck – cool Skyflier tech intro. Anauk is in great pain.

Saltar sees he is injured. Puts bio bandage on. – cool deeper tech intro. The bandage reacts to Anauk as if his flesh is Deeper’s flesh. Saltar show surprise then hides it from Anauk. She realizes he does not know. They have an urgent conversation about Dauntus and reaching Tallas. Saltar says she can get to him. Everyone’s like… um? Really. Establish Tallas hates Saltar. Saltar knows a way, Anauk can’t go – the way is too narrow for him and his ship

EXT. DEEPER PALACE

Saltar swims out. Establishing shape shifting / camouflage capabilities – mermaid like.

Anauk makes his puck back into his cruiser and flies it through the bio shield – out into the ocean.

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

Anauk’s cruiser bursts out of the waves. He heads toward land.

At least he knows the way into Tallas’ underground world, if not his private gazing room.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE: Main intrigue:

Open Loop: Will Tallas and Saltar become allies?

Mystery: Why are Tallas and Saltar enemies?

Emp/Dist.: Tallas is being ambushed by a camouflaged Saltar right after being ambushed by Miriam and the priest.

Payoff: The fight turns hot.

Irony: The one they hate is the one they are attracted to.

Setup: These two are going to get it on at some point.

Tallas is in trance. Sees in water – humanity’s chaos and uncloaked Planet X.

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN

Anauk arrives, pucks his cruiser, and plants himself at the ouroboros stone.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE

Saltar arrives in cave via water. She stalls for a bit to get a meaningful look at Tallas. Camouflaged, she gazes into the water next to him. Tallas’ Vision is interrupted by images of the Starfinder ship being destroyed by Deepers long ago. Saltar can’t help herself – says it wasn’t the Deepers just at the moment Tallas eye searches for the presence he feels around him. Kung foo – ish fight! The fight turns hot. Establish attraction between these sworn enemies. Saltar ends fight by telling Tallas about Dauntus’ coup.

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN

The ouroboros stone rolls back. Tallas, Saltar and Anauk together. The gathered initiates gape.

ACT 3:

INT. ELEVATOR CAVERN: Main intrigue: Intriguing World / Imminent Threat

Open Loop: Will Dauntus pull off his coup?

Mystery: What are the other 4 elevator buttons? / How many liaisons are there?

Emp/Dist.: Steelman doesn’t know what Planet X is.

Payoff: The alien team arrives in the elevator at his HQ

Irony: He has alliances with the very factions he is to manage.

Setup: This human / alien team will fight for peace.

Tallas, Saltar and Anauk load up in the elevator. There are 5 buttons. Tallas pushes the top one. The elevator, old school in appearances, shoots up at a phenomenal speed. Tallas and Saltar throw looks at each other. Anauk sees the exchange and raises his brow. Tallas flashes his eyes at Anauk. Anauk raise his hands in mock surrender.

INT. STEELMAN HQ – STEELMAN’S HOME (MODEST 1970’S RANCH) – BASEMENT

Basement is 5 times bigger than house above. Wall 30’ high with monitor like images. On the monitors – Humanity, Chaos, Planet X, a row of monitors with other alien Liaisons – yelling.

The XUS monitors are blank. Steelman and his partner watch.

A concealed door (elevator) opens. Tallas, Saltar and Anauk unload. Steelman turns the other alien liaison monitors off then points to Planet X and demands explanation. Exposition: They don’t know exactly. The Skyfliers cloaked it, but Planet X has its own com cloak too. Tallas can’t get through with his telepathy though he can feel a presence. The XUS wants it cloaked until they know what it is. They reveal Dauntus plan to Steelman. Just as Steelman starts to ask

Everything goes black. Only thing glowing is Anauk’s wrist band.

EXT. PARK – DAY

People. Cell phones going dark.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Family watching TV. The TV goes dark. The kid fiddles with the remote.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE

Everything goes dark.

INT. STEELMAN HQ

Dauntus’ face flashes on all the screens.

EXT. PARK – DAY

His face and voice on all the phones.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Dauntus addresses humanity

EXT. TIMES SQUARE

Dauntus declares world domination.

ACT 4:

INT. STEELMAN HQ: Main intrigue: Deception

Open Loop: Will the POTUS brief fool the president / Will they all make it into the Skyflier Citadel in Anauk’s cruiser? What happens if Saltar doesn’t get water on her skin.

Mystery: How long has Steelman’s group kept mainstream gov. in the dark? / How long has Steelman allied with Tallas, Saltar and Anauk?

Emp/Dist.: Saltar is trashing Anauk’s Cruiser with water puddles.

Payoff: They are united as a team

Irony: The normal looking ranch house is a deep underground secret ops HQ.

Setup: We are going to see how Dauntus reacts to his family and former team “turning” on him.

Steelman sends his man to Whitehouse with POTUS brief – a fabricated intel report / cover up designed to keep the president in the dark. Then Steelman leads Tallas, Saltar and Anauk up and out of his ranch house. He grabs bottles of water on the way and tosses them to Saltar. She dumps one over her head. Anauk retrieves his collapsed ship puck and maxes out his cruiser to fit them all. They are going to stop Dauntus.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

They are all crammed in… heading to Dauntus’ citadel. Anauk glances at the puddle Saltar has made on the floor. Saltar shrugs. Opens another bottle and drizzles it over her head.

INT. SKYFLIER CITADEL – SKY DOCK CONTROL ROOM: Main intrigue: Hidden Layers

Open Loop: Will they all pay for Dauntus’ coup?

Mystery: How do Tallas, Steelman, Anauk, Saltar and Dauntus know each other?

Emp/Dist.: Dauntus is at a family intervention of sorts.

Payoff: Dauntus is subdued.

Irony: Dauntus’ way of dealing with his PTSD from being dominated is to try for world domination.

Setup: Dauntus is unstable. Anauk is next in line?

Anauk’s sister sees Anauk’s cruiser approaching. One of the officers make a comment on how big his cruiser is…sister covers by saying her brother probably wants to stretch his wings. She keeps the guards from sounding alarm, all the while suspecting Anauk has brought company. Sister helps them get to throne room.

INT. SKYFLIER THRONE ROOM

Steelman marches in with Tallas, Saltar, Anauk and Sister trailing. Throne room guards engage. Alien standoff. Right when it’s about to get messy, Steelman talks Dauntus down with recalling when they were friends. On the screen – a summons comes in from XUS- like parents to obstinate children.

ACT 5:

INT. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON – XUS FLOOR: Main intrigue: intriguing world

Open Loop: Will Steelman go to the dark side of the moon with T,S,A, and D?

Mystery: Who is “They”? How did the alien base on the dark side of the moon get there? Who is Spector?

Emp/Dist.: Dauntus is humiliated in front of his people and frenemies.

Payoff: Tallas emerges as the leader here.

Irony: Steelman is alienated from the factions he has strove to ally.

Setup: Tallas is going to disguise Steelman as a longhead.

The Skyflier delegate humiliates and shames Dauntus for his foolish actions.

Deeper and Longhead delegate joins in.

INT. SKYFLIER THRONE ROOM

This sets Dauntus off on a tirade about being in charge when “they come back”. Steelman threatens that if Dauntus does not stand down, he will cut off the gold supply to all Skyflier cities. Anauk reels. Dauntus settles. Steelman takes his weapon; the throne room guards stand down. Steelman gets Dauntus to turn world coms back on. XUS delegate tells Tallas, Saltar, Anauk and Dauntus to come to the dark side of the moon and appear before them and answer for this debacle and address Planet X. The XUS tells steelman he need not come – this is earth alien business. Tallas tells Steelman he IS coming with – but Steelman will have to be disguised. Humans are no longer welcome on the dark side of the moon. Tallas tells Steelman “She” is there. “She is waiting for him” Steelman asks: Spector?

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Scene requirements

What I learned doing this assignment is this outline makes it super easy to see things that need attention and change them with little attachment.

Renee Brown’s Aliens’ Earth

Teaser:

INT. Skyflier Cloud Citadel – Control Room – Night

Sister is having a tryst with the control room officer. He is showing off- uncloaking and cloaking satellites – messing with humans. She starts messing with the controls – reaches for one button- officer stops her. Tells her that’s the Planet X cloak. In their passions, she leans on control panel and unknowingly presses the Planet X cloak off. They fly to the room’s upper deck to get it on when Anauk comes in, sees Planet X uncloaked, flies to the panel and re-cloaks it. Dauntus storms in furious. Accuses Anauk of ruining everything. Beats Anauk badly. Breaks his wing. Sister watches horrified from the upper deck and prevents officer from interfering. Dauntus about to break his son’s other wing when he suddenly stops. Considers, drops Anauk and marches to the viewer. Studies Planet X. Declares its time. Leaves Anauk bleeding on the floor.

Start: Anauk’s sister accidently uncloaks Planet X

Challenging Situation: She is still in the room when Anauk enters and sees uncloaked planet. She sees it at the same time – realizes what she has done.

Conflict: Dauntus blames Anauk with no inquiry.

Action: Dauntus beats Anauk within an inch of his life. Breaks his wing.

Finish: Dauntus leaves Anauk on the floor bleeding. Declares it is time.

ACT 1:

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN – NIGHT

Intro Tallas. Teaching young initiates. They start asking pointed questions about the “newly discovered” prophecy pages. Tallas is dodgy because he has faked these “newly discovered” pages. One little girl stands and says she believes Tallas is hiding something from them. Tallas discounts her – tells her that she needs some more work on her telepathic skills before she can read the likes of him. Only thing is…. she’s right on the money. Tallas is cavalier. Shuts down the lesson. All the initiates banter off. But Miriam (little girl) stands stoic. Watches Tallas march to his water gazing cave. The high priest follows Tallas in and turns at the entry—shoos Miriam off. She turns to go—reluctantly.

Start: Tallas is teaching initiates

Challenging Situation: They start asking pointed questions about the “newly discovered” prophecy pages.

Conflict: Tallas is dodgy because he has faked these “newly discovered” pages.

Action: Little girl accuses him of hiding something, Tallas discounts her telepathic skills.

Finish: Tallas shuts down the lesson and retreats.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE

High priest follows Tallas in. Tallas says he hates lying to the little ones – it sets up confusion in their minds. Tallas retrieves scroll from a hidden place. Tallas and priest stand over table with forged scroll laid out. Tallas complains about petty things: out of ink, making them look old is hard, running out of new places to “find” them. Priest tries to read Tallas. Tallas, surprised blocks him. – not without my permission. Priest teases – tell Miriam that. Priest tells Tallas to write in a description of himself in this one. He’ll declare Tallas the modern Longhead profit and wise man – no more scrolls necessary. Tallas is stunned / conflicted / horrified. Priest challenges Tallas to become what his people need – start with a water gazing session. Priest leaves – Tells Tallas he will close the ouroboros stone – he will not be disturbed.

Start: High priest follows Tallas in

Challenging Situation: Tallas is disillusioned/ shaken by Miriam’s probes.

Conflict: He hates forging these prophecies/ Priest wants to declare him the modern prophet.

Action: Tallas challenges Priests’ beliefs / Priest challenges Tallas to find out for himself.

Finish: Priest locks him in the chamber to “get his head right”

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN – ENTRY TO WATER GAZING CAVE

Priest enters to see the initiates gathered in a group. They all snap to when he comes out. Priest reminds them of their duties. Tells them Tallas is in isolation. The initiates leave the cavern in a high school like group. Glow globes trailing behind them. Miriam remains. Staring the priest down. Fearless. Priest kneels before her, teases her. Matter of fact like, Miriam tells Priest he is hiding something too. That it keeps them apart. Priest tells Miriam they all must have private worlds and developing these private worlds is the only way to come together as powerful individuals to form the united whole etc. Miriam in unaffected by his sermon. She turns and leaves.

Start: Priest exits Water Gazing room

Challenging Situation: The initiates are hanging around waiting for prophecy news.

Conflict: Miriam won’t leave after they all go.

Action: Priest lectures her, she says that he is hiding something too.

Finish: Priest says we all must have our private worlds.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE

Tallas watches the ouroboros stone slam shut. Turns to his desk. Frustration builds for a beat then he grabs the prophecy, crumples it up and throws it into the fire. Then he rescues the paper and smooths it out…. whipping away the ash. Tells himself that it looks old now.

Start: Tallas staring at his desk.

Conflict: Tallas distains the fake prophecy he has written.

Action: crumples the pages, throws them into the fire.

Then rescues them from the fire.

Challenging Situation: He’ll just have to redo it.

Finish: Says it looks old now…

ACT 2:

INT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL – LAUNCH DECK – NIGHT

Anauk stumbles into the launch deck – in obvious pain – holding his broken wing strapped. The other Skyfliers tease him. He heads straight for his cruiser. Tries to tap his wrist control. Can’t manage and still hold his wing. Drops his wing, drags it behind him. The fellow fliers stop in their tracks. Dart horrified glances, then run to help him. They get him in the ship, one of them wants to come with. Anauk declines. Tells him go keep (sister) safe. Get her away from that idiot (com. Officer) then takes off.

Start: Anauk stumbles to his cruiser. Broken wing dragging behind him.

Conflict: The cocky Skyfliers tease him.

Challenging Situation: He can’t hold his broken wing and get in his ship.

Action: He lets his wing fall. It drags behind him. they stop teasing, help him into ship.

Finish: Anauk takes off.

EXT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL

Anauk’s cruiser flies away.

INT. SKYFLIER CLOUD CITADEL – THRONE HALL

Dauntus is told Anauk has flown off. Dauntus orders Anauk to be shot down.

Sister pleads/ yells. Dauntus rolls his eyes at his daughter and issues an alt. order to kill Anauk’s communications.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

Anauk hails Tallas. An initiate comes online and tells Anauk that Tallas is in seclusion. Anauk insists. Anauk curses and hails Saltar, but before he can send the hail, his coms go down.

INT. TALLAS’ TEMPLE CAVERN

Initiate tells Anauk that the ouroboros stone has been sealed. It cannot be re-opened for 3 hours.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

Anauk curses and hails Saltar. But before he can send the hail, his coms go down.

He changes course and heads out to sea.

Start: Flies away – Tries to hail Tallas

Conflict: Dauntus contemplates shooting him down – settles on cutting his coms.

Challenging Situation: Anauk can’t reach Tallas.

Initiate says Tallas is in seclusion. / Dauntus cuts his coms.

Action: Anauk heads to ocean

Finish: Anauk’s cruiser reaches ocean

EXT. OCEAN – DAWN

Anauk’s cruiser skims the waves then dives deep.

INT. DEEP SEA – DEEPER PALACE – ESTABLISHING

As Anauk’s cruiser approaches, a shield raises around the palace.

INT. DEEPER PALACE – SALTAR’S CHAMBERS

Intro Saltar. She is informed Planet X has been uncloaked and Anauk is outside.

EXT. DEEP SEA

Anauk uses his cruiser to bump at Saltar’s chamber window.

INT. DEEPER PALACE – SALTAR’S CHAMBERS

Saltar signals him in – cool Deeper bio tech intro.

Start: Anauk’s cruiser dives into ocean

Challenging situation: Has no way to tell Deepers he is coming.

Conflict: Deepers won’t let him in the front

Action: Cruises around to Saltar’s private quarters.

Finish: Bumps on the glass – she lets him in.

INT. SALTAR’S PRIVATE SEA BALCONY

Anauk collapses his ship into a palm sized puck – cool Skyflier tech intro. Anauk is in great pain. Saltar sees he is injured. Puts bio bandage on. – cool deeper tech intro. They have an urgent conversation about Dauntus and reaching Tallas. Saltar says she can get to him. Everyone’s like… um? Really. Establish Tallas hates Saltar. Saltar knows a way, Anauk can’t go – the way is too narrow for him and his ship

EXT. DEEPER PALACE

Saltar swims out. Establishing shape shifting / camouflage capabilities – mermaid like.

Anauk makes his puck back into his cruiser and flies it through the bio shield – out into the ocean.

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

Anauk’s cruiser bursts out of the waves. He heads toward land.

At least he knows the way into Tallas’ underground world, if not his private gazing room.

Start: Anauk enters Saltar’s chambers.

Challenging situation: He’s in pain….

Conflict: Going to Saltar to get to Tallas even though he knows they are enemies.

Saltar knows how to get to Tallas but that’s a secret.

Action: Saltar says she can get to him

Finish: They both set out.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE

Tallas is in trance. Sees in water – humanity’s chaos and uncloaked Planet X.

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN

Anauk arrives, pucks his ship, and plants himself at the ouroboros stone.

INT. TALLAS’ WATER GAZING CAVE

Saltar arrives in cave via water. She stalls for a bit to get a meaningful look at Tallas. Camouflaged, she gazes into the water next to him. Tallas’ Vision is interrupted by images of the Starfinder ship being destroyed by Deepers long ago. Saltar can’t help herself – says it wasn’t the Deepers just at the moment Tallas eye searches for the presence he feels around him. Kung foo – ish fight! The fight turns hot. Establish attraction between these sworn enemies. Saltar ends fight by telling Tallas about Dauntus’ coup.

ACT 3:

INT. LONGHEAD TEMPLE CAVERN

The ouroboros stone rolls back. Tallas, Saltar and Anauk together. The gathered initiates gape.

Start: Tallas is water gazing

Challenging situation: Saltar arrives to help but is in the belly of the beast and unannounced.

Conflict: Saltar sees Tallas’ vision of the Starfinder being destroyed. Starts fight.

Action: They have epic MA fight. – turns hot. – Saltar sees fake prophecy?

Finish: Saltar tells him about Dauntus, they break / roll back ouroboros stone – joins Anauk.

INT. ELEVATOR CAVERN

Tallas, Saltar and Anauk load up in the elevator. There is only one button. Tallas pushes it. The elevator, old school in appearances, shoots up at a phenomenal speed. Tallas and Saltar throw looks at each other. Anauk sees the exchange and raises his brow. Tallas flashes his eyes at Anauk. Anauk raise his hands in mock surrender.

INT. STEELMAN HQ – STEELMAN’S HOME (MODEST 1970’S RANCH) – BASEMENT

Basement is 5 times bigger than house above. Wall 30’ high with monitor like images. On the monitors – Humanity, Chaos, Planet X, a row of monitors with other alien Liaisons – yelling.

The XUS monitors are blank. Steelman and his partner watch.

A concealed door (elevator) opens. Tallas, Saltar and Anauk unload. Steelman turns the other alien liaison monitors off then points to Planet X and demands explanation. Exposition: They don’t know exactly. The Skyfliers cloaked it, but Planet X has its own com cloak too. Tallas can’t get through with his telepathy though he can feel a presence. The XUS wants it cloaked until they know what it is. They reveal Dauntus plan to Steelman. Just as Steelman starts to ask …

Everything goes black. Only thing glowing is Anauk’s wrist band.

EXT. PARK – DAY

People. Cell phones going dark.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Family watching TV. The TV goes dark. The kid fiddles with the remote.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE

Everything goes dark.

INT. STEELMAN HQ

Dauntus’ face flashes on all the screens.

EXT. PARK – DAY

His face and voice on all the phones.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Dauntus addresses humanity

EXT. TIMES SQUARE

Dauntus declares world domination.

Start: T,S and A go to Steelman

Challenging situation: Steelman is watching the chaos on the screens. Steelman doesn’t know what Planet X is…

Conflict: Other agents don’t know Steelman’s alliances.

Action: turns off agent screens.

Finish: Dauntus turns it all off then declares world domination.

ACT 4:

INT. STEELMAN HQ

Steelman sends his man to Whitehouse with POTUS brief – a fabricated intel report / cover up designed to keep the president in the dark. Then Steelman leads Tallas, Saltar and Anauk up and out of his ranch house. He grabs bottles of water on the way and tosses them to Saltar. She dumps one over her head. Anauk retrieves his collapsed ship puck and maxes out his cruiser to fit them all. They are going to stop Dauntus.

INT. ANAUK’S CRUISER

They are all crammed in… heading to Dauntus’ citadel. Anauk glances at the puddle Saltar has made on the floor. Saltar shrugs. Opens another bottle and drizzles it over her head.

Start: Steelman sends his man to hand POTUS the coverup

Challenge: Needs to get to Dauntus to handle him while getting to President to handle HIM.

Conflict: Go alone to Dauntus or take everyone?

Action: Tells Anauk to max out his cruiser’s size and they all pile in.

Finish: Anauk’s cruiser heads to Skyflier palace.

INT. SKYFLIER CITADEL – SKY DOCK CONTROL ROOM

Anauk’s sister sees Anauk’s cruiser approaching. One of the officers make a comment on how big his cruiser is…sister covers by saying her brother probably wants to stretch his wings. She keeps the guards from sounding alarm, all the while suspecting Anauk has brought company. Sister helps them get to throne room.

INT. SKYFLIER THRONE ROOM

Steelman marches in with Tallas, Saltar, Anauk and Sister trailing. Throne room guards engage. Alien standoff. Right when its about to get messy, Steelman talks Dauntus down with recalling when they were friends. On the screen – a summons comes in from XUS- like parents to obstinate children.

Start: Anauk’s cruiser approaches the Palace. Sister helps them get to the throne room

Challenge: Dauntus is out of his mind. Steelman needs to bring him down or take him out.

Conflict: Steelman and Dauntus used to be allies. Now adversaries.

Action: Alien standoff

Finish: XUS summons them to dark side of the moon – Stops fight

ACT 5:

INT. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON – XUS FLOOR

The Skyflier delegate humiliates and shames Dauntus for his foolish actions.

Deeper and Longhead delegate joins in.

INT. SKYFLIER THRONE ROOM

This sets Dauntus off on a tirade about being in chare when “they come back”

Steelman threatens that if Dauntus does not stand down, he will cut off the gold supply to all Skyflier cities. Anauk reels. Dauntus settles. Steelman takes his weapon; the throne room guards stand down. XUS delegate tells Tallas, Saltar, Anauk and Dauntus to the dark side of the moon to appear before them and answer for this debacle and address Planet X. The XUS tells steelman he need not come – this is earth alien business. Tallas tells Steelman he IS coming with – but Steelman will have to be disguised. Humans are no longer welcome on the dark side of the moon.

Start: XUS delegates shame Dauntus

Challenge: Dauntus and all witness this – loss of face.

Conflict: Dauntus does not want to concede. Steelman threatens loss of gold

Action: XUS summons them to dark side of the moon and dismisses Steelman

Finish: Tallas tells Steelman he IS coming with – but will have to be disguised. Humans are no longer welcome on the dark side of the moon.

[Renee Brown]

What I learned in this assignment is that this is the threshold crossed when a story turns from nebulous cloud to focused narrative.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Beat sheet

Aliens’ Earth

High Concept:

When a strange planet parks between earth and mars, humanity learns that alien factions have inhabited earth for eons. When a war begins, and humans learn the truth about earth’s hidden past, Earth Aliens and humans must unite against a common foe before everyone on earth is annihilated.

Inciting Incident: When planet X is mistakenly uncloaked, Dauntus leverages the chaos to make his play for world domination.

A Story: The Earth Aliens – Tallas, Anauk and Saltar have to stop Dauntus’ Coup. It, paired with Planet X being uncloaked could blow everyone’s cover.

B Story: The Human Liaison – Steelman teams up with the three aliens to stop Dauntus.

C Story: The Prophecy – Tallas is faking prophecy to maintain the peace between alien factions and humanity.

Teaser:

Int. Skyflier Cloud Citadel – Control Room – Night

Intro Anauk, Sister, Dauntus. Planet X is uncloaked – Dauntus beats Anauk and declares coup.

Act 1:

Int. Tallas’ Temple cavern – Night

Intro Tallas. Teaching young initiates. They press him about the prophecy. He dodges. Retreats into…

Int. Tallas’ water gazing room

Conversation with high priest – why so dodgy. Establish prophecy issue.

Int. Entry to Tallas’ water gazing room

Priest exits – says Tallas is not to be disturbed. Closes ouroboros stone.

Int. Tallas’ water gazing room

Tallas throws prophecy papers into fire… then retrieves them.

Act 2:

Int. Skyflier Cloud Citadel – launch dock – Night

Anauk stumbles to his sm. Cruiser ship. Suffers to get his broken wind inside.

Ext. Skyflier Cloud Citadel

Anauk flies away.

Int. Anauk’s Cruiser ship

Hails Tallas. Is told Tallas is in seclusion.

Int. Skyflier Cloud Citadel – throne hall

Dauntus is told Anauk has flown off.

Dauntus orders Anauk to be shot down.

Sister pleads/ yells.

Dauntus issues alt. order to kill Anauk’s communications.

Int. Tallas’ Temple cavern

Initiate tells Anauk ouroboros stone has been sealed. Cannot be re-opened for 3 hours.

Int. Anauk’s Cruiser

Anauk is arguing with initiate to get to Tallas when his coms go down.

Changes course and heads out to sea.

Ext. ocean-Dawn

Anauk’s cruiser skims the waves then dives deep.

Int. Deep Sea – Deeper Palace – establishing

As Anauk’s cruiser approaches, a shield raises around the palace.

Int. Deeper Palace – Saltar’s chambers.

Intro Saltar. She is informed Planet X is uncloaked and Anauk is outside.

Ext. Deep Sea

Anauk uses his cruiser to bump at Saltar’s chamber window.

Int. Deeper Palace – Saltar’s Chambers

Saltar rolls her eyes and lets him in – cool Deeper bio tech intro.

Anauk collapses his ship into a palm sized puck – cool Skyflier tech intro.

Urgent conversation about reaching Tallas.

Saltar can get to him. Everyone’s like… um? Really.

Est. Tallas hates Saltar. Saltar knows a way, Anauk can’t go.

Ext. Deeper Palace

Saltar swims out – est. shape shifting – mermaid like.

Int. Deeper Palace

Anauk makes puck back into ship, leaves

Ext. Ocean – Day

Anauk’s cruiser bursts out of the waves. Heads toward land.

He knows the way into Tallas’ underground.

Int. Tallas’ water gazing cave.

Tallas in trance. Sees in water – humanity’s chaos and uncloaked Planet X.

Int. Tallas’ Temple cavern

Anauk arrives, pucks his ship, and plants himself at the ouroboros stone.

Int. Tallas’ water gazing cave.

Saltar arrives in cave via water.

Stalls for a bit to get a meaningful look at Tallas.

Tallas’ Vision interrupted by images of the Starfinder ship being destroyed by Deepers long ago.

Saltar can’t help herself – says it wasn’t the Deepers.

ACT 3:

Kung foo fight. Turns hot. Est. attraction between sworn enemies.

Saltar ends fight by telling Tallas about Dauntus’ coup.

Int. Tallas’ Temple cavern

Ouroboros stone rolls back. Tallas, Saltar and Anauk together. Initiates gape.

Int. forever elevator cavern

T, S and A load up in the forever elevator (because it takes forever to get to the surface)

Int. Steelman HQ – Steelman’s home (1970’s ranch) – Basement

Basement is 5 times bigger than house above.

Wall 30’ high with monitor like images. Humanity. Chaos. Planet X.

Row of monitors with other alien Liaisons – yelling.

XUS monitor blank.

Steelman and his partner watch.

Concealed door (forever elevator) opens. T, S, and A unload.

Steelman points to Planet X, demands explanation.

Info: They don’t know exactly. Skyfliers cloaked it, but Planet X has its own com cloak too.

Tallas can’t get through with his telepathy. XUS wants it cloaked until they know what it is.

Reveal Dauntus plan to Steelman.

Everything goes black. Only thing glowing is Anauk’s wrist band.

Ext. Park – Day

People. Cell phones going dark.

Int. Living room

TV goes dark

Ext. Times square

Everything goes dark.

Int. Steelman HQ

Dauntus’ face on all the screens.

Ext. Park – Day

His voice on all the phones.

Int. Living room

Dauntus addresses humanity

Ext. Times square

Declares world domination.

ACT 4:

Int. Steelman HQ

Steelman sends his man to Whitehouse with POTUS brief.

Coverup.

Gets Anauk to take them to stop Dauntus

Int. Anauk’s cruiser

They are all crammed in… heading to Dauntus’ citadel.

Int. Skyflier Citadel

Anauk’s sister keeps guards from sounding alarm.

Int. Skyflier throne room

Alien standoff. About to get messy.

ACT 5:

Summons comes in from XUS- like parents to obstinate children.

Int. Dark Side of the Moon – XUS floor

Skyflier diplomat humiliates and shames Dauntus.

Deeper and Longhead diplomat joins in the summons.

Int. Skyflier throne room

Dauntus goes on tirade about being in charge when “they come back”

Steelman takes his weapon.

Steelman told by XUS he need not come.

After they click off, Tallas insists that steelman IS coming with them to the XUS, but they will have to disguise him.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Setting up the Future

In this assignment I learned my Open Loops set up the questions that must be answered in future episodes, so here I am just making sure I nailed the loops and mysteries that point to my big Open Loop, which is the point of my show.

What is Planet X and how did it get here?

Will all humanity find out about earth’s true and diverse history?

What keeps Earth Aliens from killing off humans or each other and taking over earth?

What is the Prophecy and why is Tallas forging it?

Who destroyed the Starfinder?

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown adding Empathy / Distress.

In this assignment, I learned I can get comfortable with the Yikes internal moment when I take an awful thing that is happening to one of my characters and make it worse. Also, this created a great opportunity to feel bad for the bad guy, when we understand something horrible happened to him to make him do this thing.

Additions to Aliens’ Earth working outline to add Empathy / Distress:

Teaser:

Dauntus beats Anauk. (Undeserved misfortune) Breaks his wing. MAKE IT WORSE- MORE PAINFUL Dauntus goes to break Anauk’s other wing before he gets distracted by Planet X.

WITNESS THE PAIN OF OTHERS: his sister watches from a dark corner and does nothing.

Act 1:

Tallas is uncomfortable with teaching his initiates about the Prophecy (because he is forging it)

ADD MORE BETRAYAL: One of the initiates drills down on more questions which he must lie to answer. MAKE IT WORSE: Little girl says she thinks he is hiding something from her – he must HURT SOMEONE HE LOVES by telling this little girl that her telepathic abilities are not that good yet (when actually she is right on.)

Act 2:

Saltar arrives at Tallas’ water cave unannounced. They are about to have a big kung foo. BRING THEIR WOUNDS PRESENT: when Saltar arrives, Tallas is water gazing a vision of the Starfinder being destroyed by Deepers. Saltar knows her Deepers didn’t do it. Now they are both more emotionally charged for the fight.

Act 3:

Steelman is watching the world view screens with Planet X Obvious in the sky. WHITNESSING THE PAIN OF OTHERS. – Humanity: Crowds are looting, mobs are clashing. A man shoots himself in the head on one of the monitors. RAISE THE STAKES: All the other liaisons are arguing/ yelling on the screens.

Act 4:

Tallas, Saltar, Anauk, Steelman and crew fly in Anauk’s ship to Dauntus’ palace. RAISE THE STAKES: Anauk’s sister sees Anauk is not alone. DEEPEN BETRAYAL: Sister stops guards from raising the alarm. WITNESS THE PAIN OF OTHERS: sister rushes to watch the ambush on Dauntus.

Act 5:

The Alien standoff is stopped by a summons from the Extraterrestrial United Species (XUS) on the dark side of the moon. Dauntus’ great plan has been exterminated. BRING THE WOUND PRESSENT: Skyflier XUS diplomat asks Dauntus what he was thinking which sends Dauntus into a tirade about when “They” (they ones who did the awful thing to him long ago) come back he would be in charge and serve his revenge. EXPOSE PERSONAL WOUND: The Skyflier delegate shames Dauntus – tells him he was once a great lord. now he is a shadow of his former greatness.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s open loops and mysteries.

Aliens’ Earth

I learn from this assignment that the whole point of the show stems from my Main Open Loop.

Also, asking these Mystery and Open Loop questions prompted adding nuances to the outline that would not have been there otherwise.

Main Mystery:

How do the alien factions exist on Earth without annihilating each other and humanity?

Main Open Loop:

Will humanity learn the truth about earth’s hidden, diverse past?

Teaser:

(OL) Will Dauntus find out it was his sister’s fault that Planet X is uncloaked?

(M) Where did Planet X come from?

(M) How will humanity respond to seeing a new planet in the sky?

(OL) Will Anauk fly again after his father breaks his wing?

Act 1:

(OL) Will the initiates find out that Tallas is faking the prophecy?

(OL) Will Tallas re-write the prophecy he throws into the fire?

(M) Why is Tallas faking the prophecy?

Act 2:

(M) How does Anauk’s ship collapse into that man bag?

(M) What is the Starfinder?

(M) Who destroyed it?

Act 3:

(OL) Will Tallas and Saltar get it on?

(M) How does Saltar block Tallas’ telepathy?

(OL) Will the other world alien liaisons find out Steelman has formed alliances with Tallas, Saltar and Anauk?

(M)Is Steelman the top agent or does he report to someone?

(M) How did Dauntus gain control over world coms?

(M) Why does Dauntus want to rule humanity?

(OL) Will Dauntus be able to take over humanity?

(M) Why don’t the alien factions kill off humans and take earth for themselves?

Act 4:

(OL) Will the President buy the POTUS Brief?

(M) Why does Anauk’s sister cover for Anauk and Co.’s arrival at the palace?

Act 5:

(M) Can Tallas read everyone’s mind?

(M) Why do Dauntus and the Skyfliers need gold?

(OL) What will happen if Dauntus doesn’t get his gold supply?

(M) Why are humans not welcome at the XUS?

(M) Who runs XUS?

(OL) How will Tallas get Steelman to the XUS?

(M) Why does Tallas insist that steelman is going to the XUS with him?

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown stacks intrigue

I learned from this assignment that my turning points were a bit weak, and some were in the wrong place all together. This helped define where the Acts really wanted to begin and end driven by intrigue and layers.

Hidden Agenda: Tallas asks for more ink from a fellow priest.

Intrigue: Tallas tells his initiates the newly found prophecy pages must be cleaned and restored before they can be seen.

Mystery: The children ask where he found the scriptures: Tallas dodges.

Suspicion: one keen little girl doesn’t buy his answers

Accusation: Little girl says she thinks he is hiding them from her.

Diversion: Tallas shuts down the discussion and retreats to his inner sanctum.

Act 1: Turning point: Tallas throws the fake prophecy pages he has written into the fire.

Intrigue: We see Saltar camouflage / shape shift a little while her ladies groom her.

Secret: Saltar tells Anauk she knows how to get to Tallas’ secluded cave.

Deception: Tells Anauk she must go alone. His ship won’t fit though the sea cave openings.

Strange Behavior: puts on jewelry before she goes

Act 2: Turning point: Saltar swims into Tallas’ water cave – camouflaged. She wants to get an admiring look at him before announcing herself.

Mystery: Sister brags to her lover that her father has a plan to use the X Planet – in teaser

Wound: So emotionally screwed up that he beats his son senseless. – in teaser

Hidden Agenda: Dauntus declares that now is the time- everything is in place. – in teaser

Accusation: Accuses Anauk of fowling his plan -in teaser

Act 3: Turning point: Dauntus takes over world communication. Declares himself ruler.

Conspiracy: Anauk tells Saltar: if the dark side of the moon knows about you crossing into Longhead territory….you’re in for it.

Strange Behavior: Dauntus refuses com. from the moon right before Steelman and crew arrive.

Accusation: Dauntus asks Anauk if he told the moon too?

Act 4: Turning point: they are summoned to the base on the dark side of the moon by the XUS.

Intrigue: When T, A and S are in Steelman’s HQ, they ask what the moon is saying.

Hidden Layer: On his wall of screens, one whole section labeled “moon” is blank.

Accusation: Steelman tells Tallas that the moon hasn’t talked to him since Tallas messed it up.

Mystery: The moon delegation tells Steelman he need not come.

Act 5: Tallas tells steelman he is coming to the moon / XUS against the org.’s directions.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s layers and reveals.

In this assignment I learned that even a seemingly nondramatic aspect can be turned dramatic by the way it is presented.

Teaser:

New info reveal with father son fight.

Character reveal – Dauntus’ hidden agenda

Act 1:

Deep layer reveal: Tallas is uncomfortable teaching about the prophecy because down deep he knows it’s a fake.

Act 2:

Character Reveal: Anauk is conspiring with the other Alien factions.

Character Reveal: Secret history revealed. Saltar knows a secret way into Tallas’ world.

Act3:

Character Reveal: she has done this many times before.

Act 4:

Plot layer reveal: ongoing conspiracy: Steelman sends his guy to the Whitehouse to lie to the president.

Character Reveal – deception: Anauk crams everyone in his ship to sneak them into Dauntus’ palace.

Act 5:

New info reveal – there’s an organization ruling over the Alien factions.

Character reveal – Saltar seems ruthless but is caring. – Bandages Anauk’s wing.

[Renee Brown]

Aliens’ Earth working outline with character story lines added.

T: Tallas, A: Anauk, D: Dauntus, S: Saltar, ST: Steelman

Teaser:

Essence: (A opening) (D opening) (A major conflict) Anauk Falsely blamed for his older sister’s misdeed. Is blamed for uncloaking Planet X. Now all of earth can see it. Before Anauk can recloak it, Dauntus beats the crap out of Anauk – breaks his wing.

Turning point: (D TP1) Dauntus stops, considers. Realizes this is his chance for human domination …Says it’s time. Right now. Leaves Anauk bleeding on the floor.

Act 1: Tallas’ underground world. Ceremony, reverence, cathedral caves. (T opening) Tallas teaching initiates. He becomes board with the tedious questions. (T TP1) Retreats to his chambers, dresses for the gazing ceremony. Into water chamber. Not to be disturbed.

Turning point: Tallas’ ritual is interrupted by visions of the ancient ancestors.

Act 2: (A TP1)Anauk flies to earth to warn Tallas. Dauntus sees him go. (D Dilemma) Shoot down his son’s ship or just disable communications? Chooses communication. Anauk is trying to get to Tallas when his coms go down. (A midpoint) Anauk flies his ship deep underwater to Saltar’s palace. (A Dilemma) Go to the palace entry or directly to Saltar’s chambers. Chooses chambers. (S opening) Being groomed by her handmaids. (S TP1) sees Anauk bumping his ship at her Bio window. She lets him in. Anauk tells her about Dauntus’ plan. No one can get to Tallas …he is in seclusion.

Turning point: Saltar knows a secret path to his water chamber cave. (S Dilemma) But does she reveal this? (S midpoint) Swims to Tallas’ water cave.

Act 3: Saltar sneaks up on Tallas rather than announce herself. (T midpoint) (T major conflict) (S major conflict) Tallas attacks: big alien kung foo fight ensues. (T Dilemma) Does he kill Saltar or hear what she has to say? (A TP2) Ship can’t fit where Saltar is going so Anauk flies right into Tallas’ cathedral cave so he can be ready when Saltar brings him out.

Turning point: it turns hot. (S TP2) Obvious attraction between two sworn enemies. Saltar breaks the tension by telling Tallas about Dauntus’ coup.

Act 4: (ST open) Steelman monitors the world view screens with his team. Shit is going down. Screens show humanity in chaos – Planet X obvious in the sky. (ST TP1) (T TP2) Tallas, Anauk and Saltar ride the forever elevator up to Steelman’s HQ.

Turning point: (D midpoint) Dauntus takes over world communication. All screens go black – all over the world. Phones, TVs, Time square — everything. Then Dauntus’ booming voice and scowling face on all screens. Tells the world he is taking over. The planet disappears from the sky. –Dauntus recloaked it.

Act 5: (ST midpoint) Steelman initiates the POTUS brief – sending his man to the Whitehouse to confirm that it was all an elaborate hoax by a genius hacker. Meanwhile (ST Dilemma) Steelman considers — Confront Dauntus alone or with others. (ST TP2) Decides to take Tallas, Saltar, Anauk plus an armed escort. They all head to Dauntus’ palace to shut down his coup. They cram into Anauk’s ship.

Lock in: Skyflier palace: (St major conflict) Alien standoff when they get to Dauntus. Just as the confrontation gets out of hand (D major conflict), they are all summoned to the base on the dark side of the moon by the Extraterrestrial United Species. They will all have to answer for this debacle. (D TP2) Dauntus refuses. (T End) Tallas reads Dauntus’ mind – Gold. (St end) Steelman threatens to cut off his supply of gold. His men have orders if he does not return. (D end) Dauntus hands his weapon to his man.

(A end) Anauk tries to confront his sister but collapses. (S end) Saltar puts a bio bandage on Anauk’s wing. Steelman is told by XUS that this is Earth Alien business. He need not come. Tallas follows up with Steelman: oh you’re coming.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character storylines.

I learned in this assignment that my characters are coming alive.

Aliens’ Earth Character storylines

Tallas:

Beginning: Mundane teaching of initiates Gets frustrated board, ends class

Turning point: Goes into isolation for gazing ceremony

Midpoint: Visits Steelman with Saltar and Anauk.

Dilemma: Does he kill Saltar or hear what she has to say?

Turning point 2: Senses an intruder

Major Conflict: Fight with Saltar

Ending: Reads Dauntus’ mind

Dauntus:

Beginning: Furious with Anauk for uncloaking Planet X

Turning point: Realizes this is his chance for human domination

Midpoint: Takes over world communication

Dilemma: Shoot down his son’s ship or just disable communications?

Turning point 2: Declares himself earth ruler.

Major Conflict: the other earth aliens and the XUS

Ending: Subdued in his own palace

Anauk:

Beginning: Falsely blamed for his older sister’s mistake. Beaten by his father

Turning point: Father declares his plan, Anauk tries to warn Tallas, can’t get to him.

Midpoint: Cannot use coms. Flies into ocean to Saltar

Dilemma: Go to the palace entry or directly to Saltar’s chambers.

Turning point 2: Ship can’t fit where Saltar is going so he flies right into Tallas’ cathedral cave.

Major Conflict: With Father

Ending: Confronts his sister, then collapses.

Saltar:

Beginning: Being groomed by her handmaids.

Turning point: Anauk bumps at her bio window.

Midpoint: allows Anauk to enter against her? protests.

Dilemma: Reveal her secret knowledge of the way to Tallas’ inner cave?

Turning point 2: Decides to help Anauk inform Tallas.

Major Conflict: Tallas Fight

Ending: Gets torn off Tallas by Anauk.

Steelman:

Beginning: Monitors the world view screens with his team. Shit is going down.

Turning point: Tallas, Saltar and Anauk come up the forever elevator.

Midpoint: After Dauntus does his take over speech, Steelman initiates the POTUS brief.

Dilemma: Confront Dauntus alone or with others

Turning point 2: Takes Tallas, Saltar, Anauk plus an armed escort.

Major Conflict: Alien standoff when they get to Dauntus.

Ending: Steelman threatens to cut off supply of gold to Dauntus’ ships.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Pilot structure

I learned in this assignment how wonderful it is to have the BW framework to fall back on when elevating the turning points.

Aliens’ Earth

Teaser:

Essence: Anauk is blamed for uncloaking Planet X. Now all of earth can see it. Before Anauk can recloak it, Dauntus beats the crap out of Anauk – breaks his wing.

Turning point: Dauntus stops, considers…Says it’s time. Right now. Leaves Anauk bleeding on the floor.

Act 1: Tallas’ underground world. Ceremony, reverence, cathedral caves. Tallas teaching initiates. He becomes board with the tedious questions. Retreats to his chambers, dresses for the gazing ceremony. Into water chamber. Not to be disturbed.

Turning point: Tallas’ ritual is interrupted by visions of the ancient ancestors.

Act 2: Anauk flies his ship deep underwater to Saltar’s palace. Tells her of Dauntus’ plan. No one can get to Tallas to tell him…he is in seclusion.

Turning point: Saltar knows a secret path to his water chamber cave. She sets out.

Act 3: Saltar intrudes on Tallas’ ceremony. Tallas attacks: big alien kung foo fight ensues.

Turning point: it turns hot. Obvious attraction between two sworn enemies. Saltar breaks the tension by telling Tallas about Dauntus’ coup.

Act 4: Tallas, Anauk and Saltar ride the forever elevator up to Steelman’s HQ. Screens show humanity in chaos – Planet X obvious in the sky.

Turning point: All screens go black – all over the world. Phones, TVs, Time square — everything. Then Dauntus’ booming voice and scowling face on all screens. Tells the world he is taking over. The planet disappears from the sky. –Dauntus recloaked it.

Act 5: Steelman initiates the POTUS brief – sending his man to the Whitehouse to confirm that it was all an elaborate hoax by a genius hacker. Meanwhile Steelman, Anauk, Saltar and Tallas head to Dauntus’ palace to shut down his coup.

Lock in: Just as the confrontation gets out of hand, they are all summoned to the base on the dark side of the moon by the Extraterrestrial United Species. They will all have to answer for this debacle.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’ s Amazing Inciting Incident

Aliens’ Earth

I learned from this assignment not to get ahead of myself about how this Pilot is to look.

Intriguing Concept: Alien factions who have inhabited earth for eons must unite to keep humanity in the dark when a strange planet parks next to earth and blows everyone’s cover.

Act 1: Tallas in his underground sanctuary. He is conducting a psychic training ceremony with a handful of initiates. They as ask him about the prophecy, he dodges. Escapes to private chamber -not to be disturbed.

Midpoint: Dauntus decides to use the chaos of the newly arrived planet to come out of the clouds and dominate humanity. Anauk and Saltar get to Tallas, and they all go to Steelman.

Lock In: After breaking interspecies agreements, pulling the wool over humanity’s and the US President’s eyes and having been summoned to the dark side of the moon for an emergency meeting of the XUS, this unlikely group can no longer stand apart.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s

Aliens’ Earth

Big picture components

From this assignment, I learned that I must continue distilling the complicated aspects of my show into a clear, and understandable outline.

Series Info:

World: The hidden places where Earth Aliens dwell.

Main Mystery: Where did the planet that has appeared between mars and earth come from, and why is it here?

Impossible Goal: Earth Aliens, with the help from a few humans, must cloak the planet from humanity while keeping the delicate balance between their own factions.

Main Conflict: The Skyflier overlord, Dauntus uses the chaos to dominate humanity while the other alien factions are trying to keep peace.

Second Mystery: Why haven’t one of the alien factions tried to conquer earth before, and why is Dauntus going rouge now?

Season 1 Arc: from planetary chaos, through massive coverup, to addressing long buried interspecies grudges. Then a new alien arrives on earth, and they can’t be managed.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From reclusive and lonely scholar to being reunited with an entire planet of his kind, to questioning long held beliefs about a rival alien faction on earth.

Pilot info:

Pilot conflict: Earth goes nuts when a new planet appears in the sky.

Characters Introduced: Tallas, Saltar, Anauk, Dauntus, Steelman.

Inciting incident of season 1: The alien factions must manage a rouge overlord while hiding themselves and the new planet from humanity.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s visually appealing bible

What I learned doing this assignment is the layout of the images need to be as clean as the layout of the text in the Bible. Open space is key and lets the viewer get the vibe quickly just like scanning the text in the Bible.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s edited tv pitch bible

What I learned doing this assignment is that the editing is never done. Doesn’t matter how many words I cut or how much intrigue I add, there can always be another way. While at first this seems daunting, it actually lands on empowerment. I continue to feel into my story. Knowing it could be a million ways gives me the freedom to choose the way that best channels my authentic voice… as long as that voice is concise 🙂

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown presents non-stop intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that the show titles can give just as much atmosphere and tone as the episode descriptions.

Renee Brown’s Alien Earth Season 1 titles.

Episode 1: It arrives

Episode 2: The Skyfliers’ Coup

Episode 3: The propaganda machine meets Suzanne

Episode 4: Black market mission to Planet X

Episode 5: Homecoming

Episode 6: Two murdered mothers

Episode 7: Academic no more

Episode 8: Lighting up the dark side of the moon

Episode 9: The Steelman legacy and the lost beauty

Episode 10: Little orphan Ephyra

Season Finale Episode 11: Dad’s here, and he brought company

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Intrigue patterns

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s ok to be overwhelmed with the amount of work this needs to sharpen the intrigue point. Taking one sentence at a time, along some patient breaths, it can be more of a word play game rather than a stressful objective.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown presents non stop intrigue

What I learned fro this assignment is that it’s really hard to be concise and not try to tell the whole story. I ended up deleting whole sentences that were there as exposition. I was trying to make sure the reader got the point of why I am telling him an intriguing bit. Delete Delete Delete. Who cares. It just needs to intrigue them. 🙂

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s TV pitch bible investigation

What I learned in this lesson is ping pong. If this thing here gets better this way, then that affects this over here. And if this over here does that….then….ping pong.

Deepened all the episodes and clarified some motivations. Sharpened all the cliff hangers and Found the whole series arch.

Still need to go back through framework and add the anti – hero ….which might change everything….

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Show summary

What I learned in this assignment is less is more. It’s not about telling the whole story. It’s about grabbing the imagination of the reader and making them want to know the whole story.

Renee Brown’s Alien Earth

Show summary:

Summary:

The leader of the most ancient alien species on earth learns his lineage has jeopardized world peace. His loyalties and ancestorial wisdom are tested as he emerges from underground seclusion to salvage interspecies balance and save humanity.

But he is not alone. He is joined in his quest by leaders from high atmosphere and deep-sea alien species, as well as by a human military operative and a renegade archeologist.

The power-hungry overlord of the Skyfliers is set on world domination. The sultry leader of the Deepers is trying to clear her species’ name, and the Longhead wise man is lying to everyone in the name of world peace. The human military liaison allies with and mediates between the factions while running the propaganda machine that keeps most of humanity in the dark, and the fiery academic wants to rewrite ancient history to reflect its diverse truth. And beware the Greys. They have been here before, long ago….and now they’re back. The timing couldn’t be worse.

How does humanity and four alien species keep from alienating each other when a strange planet parks next to earth and blows everyone’s cover?

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Episode Descriptions

What I learned in this lesson is to not be too attached to the form of this first draft. Just get the basics down.

First season episodes – Renee Brown’s Alien Earth

Episode 1: It arrives

A strange planet appears between earth and mars. As humanity spins into chaos, Dauntus uses the distraction to initiate his plan – world domination. Tallas rallies the other pro-human alien factions to prepare for Dauntus’ coup.

Tallas has finally reached Steelman, telling him of Dauntus’ plan when… all communication devices on earth go black. Internet, phones, satellites, radios, Times Square…gone.

Then, the booming voice of Dauntus. The terrifying scowl of his face on everything – “Humans. Continue looking to the sky for your salvation. But now you pray to me.”

Episode 2: The Skyfliers Coup

Defying his father, Anauk gets the world communication links back online and re-cloaks the new planet. Steelman unleashes the alien cover-up propaganda machine to manage the escalating worldwide chaos – It was an elaborate hoax by a genius hacker.

Steelman flies to the Skyflier city to manage Dauntus. While there, the Alien UN calls an emergency meeting on the dark side of the moon. Dauntus does not let the delegate ships pass, and Steelman must threaten Dauntus that his supply of ? will be cut off if he does not comply.

Dauntus concedes then shows Steelman the X planet. Steelman tries to get intel on X Planet inhabitants. Dauntus says: you’ll know soon enough.

Episode 3: The propaganda machine meets Suzanne

Suzanne shows her colleagues images she captured of the X Planet. They could not have been hacked. She points out the huge booster ports and claims it is a big ship planet. She is laughed out of the room.

Suzanne goes to big networks with her footage, but they try to debunk her — each according to their political leanings. Steelman is watching Suzanne on TV when a summons comes in from Tallas.

Steelman travels to the underground world to find Anauk and Tallas waiting for him. Tallas is taking Steelman with him to the Alien UN meeting, but Tallas must first disguise Steelman as a longhead – humans are not allowed.

Episode 4: Black Market mission to the new planet

Now disguised as a Longhead, Steelman travels with Tallas and Anauk to the Alien base on the dark side of the moon where the AUN threatens to banish the Skyfliers for Dauntus’ coup. They demand that Dauntus unblocks the X Planet’s communications.

Steelman spots his recently disappeared longhead lover, Spector, in the crowd of delegates. As he tries to make his way to her, the first visuals come on screen from the X Planet. The newcomers are…

Episode 5: Homecoming

Alien UN: Tallas steps forth as the first images of the X planet fill the screens. He stares into the eyes of another Longhead. The ancient Longhead origin planet has arrived.

Steelman finds Spector, pulls her into a side room and yanks off his disguise. Just as their reunion gets steamy, Steelman realizes there is something between them – her belly. Spector is pregnant with Steelman’s child.

On the X Planet, Tallas arrives and meets with the New Longhead Council. He tells them about the fabricated prophecy, that he is still fabricating it, and that, remarkably, X planet just fulfilled one of the false prophecy signposts.

Episode 6: Two murdered mothers

Dauntus and Anauk stand in Skyflier City looking at the X Planet. Dauntus sneers “Your just like your mother” and makes a veiled threat that if Anauk is not careful he will suffer the same fate.

Reeling with the knowledge that his father killed his mother, Anauk flies deep into the ocean trench world of the Deepers to hang out with Saltar. As always, Saltar tries to seduce her way to access the DSOM. But Anauk is here for friendship, not romance.

He hints that his mother was murdered and Saltar reveals that her mother was also murdered. Saltar gets a close look at Anauk’s broken wing and says she can fix it with Deeper Biotech. But this will come at a price.

Episode 7: Academic no more

Suzanne gets a fiery brick through her window with a death threat attached. Suzanne rushes to the door- there is a mob outside. Reporters, protestors, the whole thing.

Suzanne is kidnapped by a group from the mob. These turn out to be black ops and she is disappeared into Steelman’s top-secret world where he educates her about alien earth.

Suzanne doesn’t know if she is being played, mocked, or about to be killed. Steelman ushers her to an elevator. It takes them deep underground. The doors open on a room with a single occupant: Tallas. He asks, “Are you ready to begin?”

Episode 8: Blowing up the moon base

Steelman learns elite humans plan to blow up the alien base on the DSOM. Steelman tries to talk them down, but the plan is made – the Elites fear alien unification.

Steelman rallies Tallas to meet with the Elites. Tallas convinces them that they would not kill the head of the snake but would start a war they cannot win.

The Elites stand down, but reveal they installed a dead man’s switch in the base during construction. They can blow it up at moment’s notice and will if Dauntus pulls another stunt like that. Steelman can’t let that happen. Spector is on that base, with his unborn hybrid child.

Episode 9: The Steelman legacy and the lost beauty

Steelman and Suzanne examine some ancient artifact. Suzanne makes a reference to her father and his helping support. She pries for personal connection with Steelman – asks him about family.

Flashback to 1990’s. Young Steelman happy and in love, escorts his new wife to his father’s doorstep. His father urgently pulls him in for some confidential talk and tells Steelman’s wife to wait on the porch.

His wife wanders through the garden instead, looking at the beautiful rose bushes. Steelman’s father rushes out onto the porch with Steelman and screams for her not to move. Too late. His young bride has stepped into a trap set for another. Both Steelmans watch helplessly as she is blown to bits.

Back to present: Steelman simply tells Suzanne that he and his father are strictly business.

Episode 10: Little orphan Ephyra

Saltar is in her deep-sea farm with her hatchlings playing around her. She is summoned to the Reptilisander council and shown her mother’s corpse. She will take over her mother’s leadership.

Saltar reels and refuses. The council starts killing her hatchlings by sea banishment until she agrees. She watches her youngest through the bio glass as it is torn away by the current. Saltar falls to her knees and complies.

The current carries the baby hatchling to Tallas’ water’s edge cave. His grudge against the Deepers tempts him to leave the thing for dead, but his respect for life wins out and he picks up the little Deeper. The hatchling stares up at him with desperate eyes.

Season Finale Episode 11: Dad’s here, and he brought company

Steelman takes Suzanne to the deep sea trench Deeper city where they are received by Saltar. She gives Suzanne a relic- a half skull with a chunk of ancient tech lodged in it. Saltar tells them if they can find the other half of the skull, they will find the true destroyers of the Starfinder.

Tallas Delivers his newfound hatchling to the oldest Deeper Caves under Antarctica. He names her Ephyra. He hands Ephyra over to the high priest mothers to train her mind in the Longhead traditions.

Anauk makes a deal with Saltar for access to the DSOM base in exchange for repairing his broken wing.

Steelman finds out his father led the plan to destroy the moon base. He confronts his father at Elite Human HQ. But his father has brought company – The leader of the new alien on the block: The Greys.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Episode List Rough Draft

What I learned from this assignment is to keep it messy right now. And boy o boy, is it messy.

Renee Brown’s. Ancient Earth

Episode 1: The strange planet arrives

Anauk’s brother accidently switches off the cloak

The newly arrived planet the Skyfliers have been cloaking is revealed

Dauntus arrives and beats Anauk / breaks wing

Dauntus decides chaos is perfect to try for world domination.

Anauk can’t get to Tallas (in underground isolation)

Anauk gets to Saltar- downloads- says she has to get to Tallas

Saltar goes to Tallas.

They do some martial arts – lots of sexual tensions

Deepers and Longheads are now ready for Skyflier coup.

Tallas gets to Steelman. Just as Steelman understands….

Dauntus shuts down all viewing devices on earth

Cliffhanger: Dauntus comes on all and declares he rules earth.

Episode 2: The Skyfliers try to take over the world

In combination with the planet showing up, Dauntus declaration causes worldwide chaos.

Humanity is a sitting duck.

Anauk flips the communication switch back and humanity can mobilize again.

Steelman takes action

Propaganda machine goes to work

Coordinated worldwide PSA’s

Planet was an elaborate hoax

Try to sell: Man on the screen was the hacker in costume playing star trek

Plants an actor in costume being taken into custody.

Steelman flies to Skyflier city to manage Dauntus.

Dauntus shows Steelman the Planet- withholds who is on it.

Message come in about DSOM Alien UN emergency meeting.

Episode 3: The propaganda machine meets Suzanne

Suzanne argues with her colleges on campus.

She and Louie show footage from their research telescope – impossible to hack

They laugh her out of the room

Suzanne goes to big networks with her footage.

They try to debunk her. Each according to their political leanings.

Steelman is watching

Tallas summons Steelman

Steelman travels into underground world (first good look at world) to meet Tallas – asks where is Spector

Tallas and Anauk take Steelman to DSOM base – the alien UN is gathering

All ships wait at Skyflier cloak portal to be granted access to DSOM

Tense moment. Dauntus concedes grudgingly

Episode 4: Black Market mission to the new planet

Tallas disguises Steelman as a Longhead

Travel to DSOM – show cloaked ships from under earth.

Meet with ships coming out of the water – The Deepers.

They attend the Alien UN meeting.

Heated. Skyfliers are threatened with Banishment from UN

Dauntus concedes but hints to something bigger he has in play

UN demands Skyfliers uncloak communications from Planet to UN

First visuals come on screen. It is a Longhead.

Tallas stands forth.

Episode 5: The One is chosen

Emotional ancestorial reunion.

Tallas arranges to fly to the planet

Steelman spots Spector (she is Longhead). Pulls her into a hall.

Reveal: Spector is Steelman’s alien lover.

Passion

Reveal: Spector is pregnant with Steelman’s child.

She has been banished to the DSOM base to have the child and leave it there.

On the planet, Tallas meets with high counsel to download the state of things

Tallas must tell them about the prophecy – that it is fabricated, and he is still faking it. Exposition.

Agreement that new planet Longheads will stay on new planet until they can figure out how to work the prophecy

Tallas declares this is the time of the One… and therefore must pick someone to be it.

Episode 6: Two murdered mothers

In cloaked city, Dauntus makes a cut at Anauk: You’re just like your mother.

Anauk bristles

Dauntus reveals he killed Anauk’s mother.

Dauntus starts at him, but his broken wing…

Anauk takes a ship and leaves…. teased by other Skyflier about his wing

Flies ship into deep ocean trench world (first good look at world)

Hangs out with Saltar. Sexy. She is trying to get open access to DSOM

He shares about his mother and Dauntus.

She plays innocent. Shares about her mother’s murder.

They watch feedback of humanity chaos happening up top.

Says she can fix his wing with her Biotech

Episode 7: Academic no more

Suzanne gets fiery brick through the window with death threat.

Louie and her face the mob. Reporters present

Kidnapped by a group of “Scrappers”

Scrappers turn out to be black ops.

Suzanne and Louis are disappeared into Steelman’s world.

Steelman educates Suzanne and Louis about the 3 species (exposition)

They have trouble believing it’s real.

Steelman takes them underground to meet Tallas.

Suzanne recognizes him from her childhood visions.

She’s like: You’re real.

He’s like: Are you ready to begin?

Episode 8: Blowing up the moon base

High level meeting Steelman learns elite humans plan to blow up base

They detected unannounced trip without humans to UN – Steelman was there

Fear alien unification

Steelman rallies leaders to show up in war room when the finger is on the button

Tallas, Saltar and Dauntus talk them down – tells them humanity does not have the tech to pull it off

Humans installed dead man’s switch in base for just such an occasion

Makes humans believe they would not kill the head of the snake, but start a war they can not win.

Crisis averted. Steelman fears for Spector.

Episode 9: The Steelman legacy and the lost beauty

Steelman talking with Suzanne about history

She’s making small talk – pries into Romanic past

He dodges her questions

Flashback to 1990’s

Steelman’s dad dealing with some coverup

Setting some trap

Young Steelman and wife show up

Dad and Steelman get into some Top secret conversation

Wife wanders around killing time,

Steps into trap set for other – gets killed

Explains tenuous relationship with Dad – were strictly business.

Episode 10: Little orphan Ephyra

Saltar history. Opens on her in her sea farm with happy hatchlings.

Leader of Reptilisander summons her to council

Forces Saltar to take over her Mom’s leadership

Saltar resists

Council starts killing her hatchlings by sea banishment.

Youngest one sent out to sea – can’t survive by herself…

Saltar takes up leadership to save the rest.

Sea farm dies

Little hatchling makes its way into Tallas’ cave

Tallas leaves it for dead then comes back, picks it up.

Ends up nursing it back to health. Names her Ephyra.

Now Tallas has a secret he can hold over Saltar when the time is right.

Episode 11: Dad’s here, and he brought company

Saltar gives Steelman and Suzanne a relic – the smoking gun to exonerate Deepers

The relic is one-half skull with a chunk of ancient tech lodged in it.

The skull was intentionally cut apart ages ago.

Saltar: If Steelman and Suzanne can find the other half of the Skull, they should find the other side of the tech

The tech is the equivalent of the black box of the Starfinder.

Tallas Delivers Ephyra to the oldest Deeper Caves – Under Antarctica.

Hands her over to high priest mothers to train her mind in the Longhead traditions.

Steelman finds out his father lead the plan to destroy the moon base

He confronts his father at the Elite Human HQ.

But his father has brought company — The leader of the Greys.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Character Descriptions

What I learned by doing this assignment is that I lack a solid anti-hero in my main character line up. I need to develop the Skyflier overlord, Dauntus, and bring him to the foreground. Also, one character I had as a main is backing into the shadows and is being replaced by Suzanne – a character that came alive 2 assignments ago.

Renee Brown’s Alien Earth: Main Characters

Tallas is the prophecy puppet master and wise man of the most ancient alien civilization on earth – the Longheads. He is training the One, who, according to prophecy will unite all alien species on earth. Only thing is…the prophecy was manufactured 150,000 years ago, and Tallas is still faking the “newly found” scriptures to keep the alien factions from destroying each other and humanity. He holds a grudge against the Deepers for an ancient act of genocide, yet he is raising one of their outcast hatchlings as his own.

Through clandestine rituals, Tallas telepathically downloads ancient knowledge to select humans then uses them as pawns. He harbors a secret love for the high priest’s mate and has been nursing it for 300 years. And the planet that has docked in lockstep orbit with earth? It is inhabited by Tallas’ long-lost ancestors. To keep the peace between humanity and all alien species, Tallas must give up his grudge and explain to an entire planet of ancient Longheads the state of their new home. As the series progresses we see Tallas’ journey of the last 600 years as he evolves from a naïve prophecy initiate, to a forger of ancient texts, to the jaded yet hopeful Longhead that just might be earth’s salvation.

Anauk is the first-born son of the Skyflier’s overlord. A resilient rebel, a fighter, and a lover, Anauk is a skyflier who cannot fly. Don’t let the cool kid act fool you — Anauk is a profound social activist. He charms everyone…except the object of his affection. He has ambitions to rule the Skyfliers, but for the good of all, not for the exploitation of the planet. The Skyfliers control access to the alien base on the dark side of the moon, and Anauk runs the Black-Market transports. His fee operates on a personal sliding scale and factors in his own very un-Skyflier-like political agenda. He struggles with obligatory loyalties to his father and his deep desire to Avenge his dead mother. This explains his broken wing, and his profound family disfunction.

Anauk allies with Tallas to protect the One and, in the beautiful, remote ice caves of Antarctica, he meets his true mate then repulses her with the arrogant protective shell he has polished his entire life. As the series progresses, Anauk bonds with his new inter-species alliances and wrestles with expectations and inner calling as he forms the Coalition of Truth and ignites the rebellion against tyranny. Anauk can fly again, but he will have to place himself in the hands of the Deepers. And Saltar’s biotech comes at a dangerous cost.

Saltar. Sultry, shrewd, and devastatingly beautiful, this reluctant leader of the Deepers is a triple threat and a double agent. The only female descendant left in the Deepers royal line, Saltar is forced to leave her peaceful sea farming life to rule when the Reptilisander council murders her mother. She craves love but can trust no one, and she protects her tender and lonely underbelly by ruling the Deepers with stone cold cunning and red-hot seduction.

Her species is blamed for the near annihilation of the ancient Longheads, but Saltar has suspicions that the Longhead origin ship was destroyed by another foe, and she is on a personal mission to prove it. Willing to trade her species’ biotech to access the base on the dark side of the moon, Saltar seduces, trades, and manipulates her way around sworn enemies and forbidden sexual tensions to give an ancient relic to the human military liaison in hopes that he will help her prove her theory of how the Starfinder was really destroyed.

She plays both sides of the Longheads and the Skyfliers and will do almost anything to get what she needs — Not because she is power hungry, but because it’s the only way she can protect her hatchlings. Saltar craves a simple, natural life but must navigate through her vicious matriarchal system and the tangled bed of alien factions to get to where she really wants to go – to exonerate her species and complete her unfinished life.

Steelman is the top-secret military liaison to all earth alien factions. Powerful, broken hearted, and reclusive, Steelman accidentally killed his wife long ago and grapples with guilt every second of every day. His father was an alien liaison before him and taught Steelman to always and only eat organic; not to be healthy and happy, but to save his life — as the series unfolds and the Greys come onto the scene, we learn how they have been conditioning their food source since the 1940’s: aka GMO humans.

Charged with returning concise intel to the military complex, Steelman betrays his duty and sabotages the elite human’s plan to destroy the alien base on the dark side of the moon. Why? Because he is in love with an alien, and she is being hidden on the moon base along with his unborn child.

When the Longhead origin planet appears between earth and mars, all hell breaks loose within the human covert complex. Steelman rides the wave of chaos and surrounds himself with the team he needs to come out on the right side of history. He knows how the factions tick and he has made friends as well as enemies within them. As the series progresses, we see Steelman’s military expertise morph into covert alliances as he partners with an unconventional archeologist to unravel an ancient mystery of murder and alien espionage.

Suzanne has salt of the earth moxie and the wisdom of years to back it up. Since the age of nine, she’s had visions of ancient cultures and a strange looking man with an elongated head. This subconscious programming led her to a career in archeology. She struggles with her mainstream colleges and has to hold her fringe theory tongue in order to keep her academic funding. This chafes her ass, and she occasionally funnels some of that funding to research alternative ancient history.

After publicly going head-to-head with the propaganda machine working to cover up the planet parked right next to earth, Suzanne’s sarcasm and irreverence gets her fired and her career demolished. She fears she will be killed for what she thinks she knows until Steelman takes her under his top-secret wing. Steelman’s relic has an impossible carbon dating, and she baulks until he introduces her to the Longhead man who has haunted her dreams since childhood.

Forced to acknowledge what she previously chalked up to fanciful imagination, and armed with the archeological smoking gun, Suzanne systematically crumbles human understanding of ancient history. As the seasons progress, we see Suzanne grow from frustrated and resentful academic to unofficial interspecies archeological expert and finally to the leader of the rebellion against tyranny and translator of ancient truth to humanity.

[Renee Brown]

ASSIGNMENT:M2 Lesson 1 Concept and World

What I learned from this assignment is that every time I re-frame info I have built into my framework, the description morphs just a bit and drops into its intended puzzle hole.

Concept: Renee Brown’s Alien Earth

When a strange planet appears between earth and mars, humanity learns that aliens have inhabited earth for eons. The accepted history of the ancient world is obliterated as humanity and aliens struggle to understand earth’s ancient past and new reality.

Unique Sub-World: Underground caverns of the Longheads, ocean trench cities of the Deepers, high atmosphere cloaked stations of the Skyfliers.

Previously Unexplored: Told mainly from the POV of the alien leaders and the secret agent who mediates for them with humanity.

The unknown: What is this strange planet, where did it come from, and what does it want? What is humanity’s true ancient history?

The unseen: Ancient alien efforts to save humanity, current alien plans to dominate humanity, and humanity’s self-destructive reaction as accepted history crumbles.

Unheard of Dangers: A new alien kid on the block…the Greys – arrive in the 1940’s and have a terrible agreement with elite humans.

Reason to explore it: To save earth, its new interstellar community, and its all but forgotten true ancient history.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown has completed the BW Framework.

What I learned from this process is that I have lots to work with and I am supper excited about starting my Bible.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown Creating Irony

What I learned from this assignment is layers can intertwine the characters and situations into a curious and seductive world.

The 100

The one who sent the 100 to earth is the only human left on the ark.

Enya, who jumps into the pod to kill the 100, ends up the only grounder who survives.

Abby wants to save her daughter but must send her to earth to do it.

The child who has nightmares about being murdered turns into a murderer herself.

The ally to the chancellor turns out to be the leader of the coup.

The earth seems to be uninhabitable but is teaming with life.

The 100 are avoiding war, but actually start it at the parler.

In order to protect his sister, he has to kill the chancellor.

In order to find true love, Octavia must betray her brother .

Renee Brown’s Alien Earth: creating Irony

Character

paradox where they have opposite traits or want/need.

Tallas: Wants: Peace Needs: Avenge So: Forges prophecy

Saltar: Wants: Daughter’s happiness Needs: to be relevant So: Sabotages her daughter

Dauntus: Wants: World Domination Needs: Respect So: Writes his dead wife at night

Anauk: Wants: To be a free spirit. Needs: his father’s approval So: acts like the rebel cool kid. Also with his broken wing, the very person he seeks approval from, crippled his freedom.

Steelman: Wants: Peace on earth Needs: Keep the aliens hidden So: Acts as mediator and lies to the public.

Rollin: Wants: to be a scholar Needs: to complete his training So: records his training and trains his sister to take his place.

violate their most important value to get something they need right now.

Tallas: Values: Longheads are original peace keepers. Needs: to avenge his ancestors’ death at the hands of the Deepers. Action of violation: Forges newly found prophesy pages to keep tensions high between Longheads and Deepers.

Saltar: Values: the simple/natural life. Needs: to rule her species with the expected viciousness. Action of violation: Acts the stone cold ruler and seductress.

Dauntus: Values: Dictatorship Needs:Loyalty Action of violation: Almost kills son.

Anauk: Values: Fair and equitable treatment. Needs: to fit in with the Skyfliers. Action of violation: Starts a black market access program to DSOM

Steelman: Values: Peace and Love Needs: Order and Protection Action of violation: Secret affair with a Longhead.

Rollin: Values: privacy Needs: to save the world Action of violation: Secretly trains the One.

The character presents themselves one way, but it turns out to be another way either intentionally or because they don’t know themselves.

Tallas: Presents himself as: Wise Man But turns out to be: Con Man

Saltar: Presents herself as: Savior But turns out to be: Manipulator

Dauntus: Presents himself as: Dictator But turns out to be: Heartbroken

Anauk: Presents himself as: the messed up rich kid But turns out to be: The savior of humanity

Steelman: Presents himself as: hardened military man. But turns out to be: Romantic Idealist.

Rollin: Presents himself as: trainee But turns out to be: trainer

Situational

A. The situation appears to be X, but it is really Y.

Trick: The reality has been disguised in order to lure the victim to their demise.

Layer: There is something underneath the surface that changes the meaning of everything.

Tallas: The prophecy keeps the peace between all factions, but when the truth comes out, it causes the biggest war in the history of earth.

Saltar: It appears to be that Saltar’s daughter is entangled with Anauk, but she is actually in love with Maryum.

Anauk: It appears that Anauk wants to succeed his father as Skyflier ruler, but he is actually leading the resistance with Tallas.

Dauntus: Had his wife killed only for us to find out after his death that his bloodline was more interwoven than hers. He was Zeus visiting human women in the form of…. He has been seeding humanity to prepare for his domination of the world.

Steelman: It appears that Steelman resents the aliens, but turns out he is in love with one of them. It appears that he is to manage the separation of the factions, but his child with his Longhead lover ends up being the trifecta One.

Rollin: It appears that he is hidden from the world, but it turns out he has been using his mind to explore….and communicate with / influence….?

In order to get X, they must give up Y.

Tallas: In order to get world peace, he must give up his resentment.

Saltar: In order to protect her hatchlings, she must give up her chosen life.

Anauk: In order to fly again, he must put himself in the hands of the Deepers.

Dauntus: In order to dominate the world, he must violate the keeping of pure blood Skyfliers.

Steelman: In order to save his love, he must betray humanity.

Rollin: In order to keep himself in shadow, he must step into the light.

avoiding X, but the thing they do to avoid it actually causes X.

Tallas: Prophecy: Trying to keep the peace / tell the biggest lie.

Saltar: Trying to gain Anauk’s affections / Introduces him to her daughter.

Anauk: Tries to keep black market DSOM open / closes his access to see his love.

Dauntus: Trying to protect his bloodline / Kills his wife and almost his son.

Steelman: Trying to mediate loyalties / His own loyalties shift.

Rollin: Tries to train the one / Makes him a better candidate himself.

PLOT LAYERS

Plot Surface: Alien Earth is inhabited by humanity and three factions of Alien. The majority of humanity has no idea it is not alone. The Longheads live in underground cavern cities, the Deepers live in the ocean depths and the Skyfliers live in cloaked sky cities. A top secret military group interacts with the alien factions.

Layer 1: Shocking event: A planet appears between earth and mars. What is this? With each episode, the origins of the planet are reveled along with its ties to the Longheads.

Layer 2: Hidden agenda: The Don of the Skyfliers, Dauntus, uses this distraction to take over the world. But Dauntus’ son Anauk has alliances with humanity and the other two alien species and plots with them to overturn Dauntus.

Layer 3: Mystery: Where did the new planet come from, and how did it get here? How did all the alien species come to earth?

Layer 4: The prophecy: There is a prophecy involving all three alien species and humanity that has kept the peace for over 100,000 years.

Layer 5: Future Consequences: The Longheads are training the One who is to fulfill the prophecy – uniting all living beings on earth. The planet parked between earth and mars has invigorated alien researchers. Steelman’s lover threatens his position and the Longhead’s fate.

Layer 6: Humans have been keeping a secret. In the 1940’s a new Alien species has arrived on earth: The Greys. They have been lurking in the shadows and have made a terrible deal with Humanity. Great cliffhanger to set up Season 2.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s intriguing layers What I learned doing this assignment is plot layers spring easily from all the backstory I have created in the previous work. ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

The 100

Plot1 Surface: The ark sent the 100 juvenile prisoners down to earth to see if it is safe.

Plot2: The uninhabitable planet is inhabited by the grounders

Plot3: On the ark, the seeming political ally of the chancellor is plotting a coup.

Plot4: Octavia is forming a romance with one of the grounders.

Plot5: The Ark is coming to earth

Plot6: The Mountain men are the high tech and wealthy and have captured the remaining 100 for the season cliff hanger.

<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” noshade=”” align=”center”>ASSIGNMENT 2: Renee Brown’s Alien Earth<div>

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Major scheme revealed: Aliens have been living on earth in secret for 150,000 years. Mystery revealed: The first to arrive: Longheads, have an extensive origins story. Also, as the others arrived, how they integrated into the hidden alien society and how the factions are structured. Why didn’t the aliens just kill off humanity and take over earth? Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Thought all the aliens were against humanity, but turns out they will all unite against the new aliens on the block: the greys. Major shift in Meaning: Humanity has alliances with all the factions. Hidden history: The longheads used their telepathic ability to tap into all the arriving aliens in order to create prophecies that resonated with their beliefs so they didn’t hurt humanity. Hidden plan: The longheads are training the One. This One is to unite all the aliens and humanity (except the greys)Major betrayal: Elite humans have a deal with the Greys to let them abduct a certain number of humans per month.<div>

Plot :

Layer 1: A planet appears between earth and mars. We are not alone.Layer 2: We have not been alone for hundreds of thousands of years. Three alien species have shared earth with humanity during our entire development. Layer 3: An elite few humans know about it all and have relationships with the aliens. Layer 4: a prophesy involving all three species and humans keeps the aliens from killing off humanity. Layer 5: the origin story of how the longheads arrived on earth and how the newly arrived planet fits into that story. Layer 6: there is a 4^th, newly arrived species, and Humans have struck a terrible deal with them.<div>

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

Tallas

Layer 1 Secret identity: The holder of prophecy truthLayer 2 Character intrigue: Is in love with someone he can’t haveLayer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: his ancestors conspired with the Deepers to create the prophecy. This is when the Skyfliers arrived in order to prevent annihilation of Longheads, Deepers and humanity. Layer 4 Hidden Character history: He has history with Saltar.Layer 5 Wound: his ex loves Steelman. He can remember his ancestors’ memories like they were yesterday.<div>

Saltar

Layer 1 Secret identity: The reluctant leader of the Deepers and a double agent Layer 2 Character intrigue: Master manipulator. Seductress. Layer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Tallas, AnaukLayer 4 Hidden Character history: One of her ancient brothers mated with one of Dauntus’ wife’s ancestors (making Dauntus’ wife’s blood un-pure)Layer 5 Wound: Her lost life as a peaceful farmer.</div><div>

Anauk

Layer 1 Secret identity: The black market access point to DSOMLayer 2 Character intrigue: Wants to rule Fliers but for the good. Layer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Tallas and Saltar. Layer 4 Hidden Character history: In love with Saltar’s daughterLayer 5 Wound: rejection of his father</div><div>

Dauntus

Layer 1 Secret identity: with his dying words, he whispers something into evil son’s ear. Layer 2 Character intrigue: Really bad man, until his dying second…gives something to Steelman.Layer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: conspired with evil son for Saturn base. Layer 4 Hidden Character history: The history of how the monster that is him was made (by his mother) he killed his motherLayer 5 Wound: he kills in rage but is haunted by regret.</div><div>

Rollins

Layer 1 Secret identity: One of the trifecta. Really is part of the One. Layer 2 Character intrigue: painfully shyLayer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Training his sister insteadLayer 4 Hidden Character history: read the prophecies as a small child. Is a true believer but does not tell anyone. Layer 5 Wound: Has lost his ability to see the ancestor past memories.</div>

<div>

Steelman

Layer 1Secret identity: top military brass in charge of alien relations. Layer 2 Character intrigue: only eats organicLayer 3 Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Tallas – buddy, Anauk – Informant.Layer 4 Hidden Character history: met his lover through TallasLayer 5 Wound: guilt over accidentally killing his wife.
</div></div></div></div>

[Renee Brown]

Module 1 – Lesson 9: Renee Brown’s Inviting Obsession Through Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is the balance between mystery of the past and obsession with the future is the sweet spot for creating a concept that grabs the view and won’t let go.

ASSIGNMENT 1 The 100

1 Big Picture open loops that were established early in the season.

Is the earth safe to come back to? Are the grounders going to be friend or foe? Are the people on the ark going to come down to earth? Are Clark and her mom going to reconcile? Are Lincoln and Octavia going to be together?

2. How those open loops are being used to create the need to see future episodes: like breadcrumbs. The scenes rotate from character to character, earth to the ark, taking the view just far enough to invest in the crisis of the moment then….switch.

<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” noshade=”” align=”center”>ASSIGNMENT 2:

New working title for the Series: Renee Brown’s Alien Earth. (Previously Alien Mafia)

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.

GOALS:

Will Rollin succeed in training his sister Maryum to be the ONE?<div>

Will Steelman reunite with his lover and child on the DSOM?

Anauk will not succeed his father Crushed goal and wing.

Will Anauk succeed in his pursuit of Saltar’s daughter or will her mother block him?

CONSEQUENCES:

Will Anauk be caught in his black-market access program to the DSOM?</div><div>

Can Tallas let go of his resentments in order to see potential alliances with Deepers?

Will Shepard recover from his accidental killing of his wife?

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

Anauk’s father, Dauntus, wants to take over the world.</div><div>

What is that planet, where did it come here, what does it want?

Saltar and Tallas are sworn enemies, but they are on the same page against Dauntus

Humanity has been kept in the dark about alien population, but now are unprepared for renegade planet

RELATIONSHIPS:

The final straw for Anauk and his father – the broken wing</div><div>

Steelman and the professor.

Anauk and his evil brother?

The reunion of Saltar and Tallas reignites an old flame

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can they survive Dauntus’ coup?</div>

Saltar risks the visit to Tallas

Humanity, Deepers and Longheads are all at risk

Internal dangers: Tallas’ revenge, Saltar’s vanity, Anauk’s need for approval, Steelman’s grief, Rollin’s lack of self-worth.

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 8: Renee Brown’s Inviting Obsession Through Mystery

What I learned doing this assignment is…I have a big story here. I will need to weave this tapestry well to keep all these layers active as well as mysterious and cause for obsession.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

The 100:

Shocking event: The “inhabitable” planet is inhabited by a human tribe.

Mystery: Who are they and how did they survive the devastation?

Who is the renegade tribe man who helped Octavia?

Long haul mystery: What caused the nuclear war / devastation on earth?

What is Cain’s agenda? Why did the chancellor condemn his son?

<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” noshade=”” align=”center”>ASSIGNMENT 2:

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia (working title….feels like its gonna change but I don’t know to what….yet. )

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Shocking Event: A planet appears between earth and mars. It is in lock step orbit with earth. B. Secret: This is one of two long lost renegade binary planets of the Longheads. This planet (retrofitted with huge boosters to make it a planet/ship, started its journey 200,000 years ago when a sun catastrophe flung twin planets out of their orbit and hurled them into space. <div>

C. Investigation: Human – NASA and laymen alike are trying to find out what the F this thing is.

Who: The newly arrived planet is inhabited by the long lost Longhead ancestors.

What: The newly arrived planet (and its twin) was retrofitted in order to escape an anticipated solar system catastrophe.

When: 200,000 years ago.

Where: Outer arm of the milky way galaxy.

Why: To save the Longhead species.

How: In anticipation of loosing their atmospheres completely, they burrowed deep into their planets and constructed vast sealed off cities, using the planet’s crust as the ‘ship’s hull.

Part Withheld: What caused the twin planets to be flung into space, where is the other planet, how did they make this planet a ship, how did this planet ship find earth, why is it here?

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Cover up: Three alien species currently share earth with humanity. </div><div>

B. Secret: There is a fourth, newly arrived alien.

C. Reveals:

Pilot: the Skyflier Don has been waiting patiently for the time to take over earth. The chaos caused by the planet’s arrival offers him the perfect opportunity to attempt his world wide coup.

Season end reveal: There is a fourth, newly arrived alien. Their ship was shot down by the Skyfliers in New Mexico. They are the Grays.

Series long reveals: How each species arrived on earth, how the factions formed, what agreements they made, What caused the twin planets to be flung into space, where is the other planet, how did they make the planet into a ship, how did this planet find earth, why is it here? How did the Longheads get to earth ahead of the planet ship?

· Who: Ancient Longheads

· What: outfitted the twin planets to carry them through the galaxy in search of a suitable star to begin rebuilding (terraforming their planets).

· When: They thought they were on track to escape the blast, but it blew early, before all their preparations were complete.

· Where: Outer arm of the milky way

· Why: Their sun blew

· Part Withheld: why did the twin planet explode? Who caused the malfunction?

</div>

[Renee Brown]

1. Renee Brown

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 7

Renee Brown’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned from this assignment is there is no way…ok, very slim possibility of my coming up with these plot lines if I were not putting my characters through hell. I do still love them…. How can something so wrong feel so right….I mean write. 😉

The 100

Underserved misfortune: Sister is kidnaped by grounders

External character conflicts Blake and sister blame each other for mother’s death

Plot intruding on Life: Blake going into forest to rescue sister.

Moral Dilemma: Clark: Be truthful with Raven about Finn or lie about their affair.

Forced decision: Blake has to kill chancellor in order to come to earth with sister to protector her.

Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia

What will make the audience worry about this character?

How could this character be in Hell on earth…or the moon.

Tallas:

Underserved misfortune: The death of his ancestors is replayed in his ancient telepathic memories when he reads the sacred cave “pool” as part of his prophecy telling.

External character conflicts: the “benevolent -ish”(not) Don is high priest of the Longheads. He choose Tallas at a young age of 500 to be the keeper of the prophecy.

Plot intruding on Life: Good bye stoic/ reclusive life of the scholar when the Don comes knocking.

Moral Dilemma: Keep inventing prophecies or tell the High priest Don that the whole thing is a scam.

Forced decision: Finds out his ex is pregnant with Steelman’s child and is being hidden away on the DSOM. He betrays the priesthood to protect her.

Anauk:

Underserved misfortune: His father beat him so badly that one of his wings was permanently nerve damaged.

External character conflicts: His father is the cruel Skyflier – Don who ridicules him

Plot intruding on Life: His father limits access to the dark side of the moon (DSOM) because of a deal gone wrong. This interrupts something Anauk has going.

Moral Dilemma: Stay loyal to his horrible father or stay true to himself and face the punishments.

Forced decision: Told he will never succeed his father as Don because his blood is not pure. The father found out Anauk’s mother has distant longhead contamination in her ancestry. The father kills her. Anauk then declares inwardly that he will avenge his mother.

Saltar:

Underserved misfortune: The Reptilisander council killed her mother for disloyalty and placed Saltar as Reptilia-Don. the lineage must be respected.

External character conflicts: Placed into a position of power – she wants love but can trust no one.

Plot intruding on Life: She and her daughter were planning a sea farm before she was recruited. Triggers childhood memories of her Mother as Reptilia – Don

Moral Dilemma: Reject the Don position and stay on her peaceful farm path or take up her Mother’s cruel torch.

Forced decision: The council threatens to not only kill her, but her daughter and her extended hatch if she does not take up the torch. Starts executing distant hatchlings first and tells her they won’t stop until she decides.

Steelman:

Underserved misfortune: His wife stepped into a trap he set for someone else, and it killed her.

External character conflicts: His job is to mediate between the alien factions.

Plot intruding on Life: Tries to have a hobby, but the job robs it from him every time.

Moral Dilemma: Tell his superior he is allied with Longheads or keep playing chess and keep humanity in dark.

Forced decision: After MJ-12 is formed, he is forced to leave military and he joins the resistance.

Rollin:

Underserved misfortune: Chosen as the One

External character conflicts: Forced to train for the most important position that he has no interest in.

Plot intruding on Life: Lost childhood due to training

Moral Dilemma: Tell his sister he is training her to take over?

Forced decision: Overhears something that makes him start to train his sister.

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 6

Renee Brown’s Show Relationship Map

“What I learned doing this assignment is…this format allows a framework to change the stakes throughout the series to flip the scene, episode or season.

ASSIGNMENT 1: The 100 relationship map

Clark:

Relationship surface:

Finn-Lover / Abby-Mother / Blake- Adversary

Relationship common ground:

Finn-both are prisoners, both stranded, both on same side / Abby-family, both miss dad, both tenacious / Blake- both prisoners, both stranded.

Relationship conflict:

Finn- he has a girlfriend / Abby-wants to keep track of her / Blake- leader of neg. side of tribe.

Relationship history:

Finn- both crashed in prisoner ship / Abby- mother and child, both lost Dad. / Blake- different classes on ark.

Relationship subtext:

Finn- bonding / Abby- sending child into world, hope for future / Blake- Janitor vs upper class wants her approval.

Relationship arc:

Finn-from lover to ex / Abby- mother with lost child to mother with found child / Blake- Adversary to ally.

ASSIGNMENT 2: Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia relationship map

Tallas:

Relationship surface:

Anauk-DSOM gatekeeper / Saltar-Nemesis / Steelman-Ally / Rollin-Fellow Longhead, both want the One to emerge.

Relationship common ground:

Anauk-Fellow alien wants open access to DSOM / Saltar-Fellow alien / Steelman-Wants open access to DSOM / Rollin-Fellow Longhead, both want the One to emerge.

Relationship conflict:

Anauk-Saltar’s intentions / Saltar-Deepers and Longheads sworn enemies / Steelman-Human vs Aliens / Rollin-Lying about the One.

Relationship history:

Anauk-His father allied with Longheads long ago against the Deepers / Saltar-Saltar tried to seduce him long ago to find out identity of the One / Steelman-has a child with his ex / Rollin-Was chosen by Tallas at an early age to be the One.

Relationship subtext:

Anauk- unofficial friends / Saltar- forbidden sexual tension/ Steelman-unofficial family / Rollin-unofficial son.

Relationship arc:

Anauk- friends to enemy / Saltar-sworn enemy to lover / Steelman- informant to deceiver/ Rollin – loyal protegee to betrayer.

Saltar:

Relationship surface:

Anauk- Ally/ Steelman-Tensions / Tallas- Enemy /Rollin-Observer

Relationship common ground:

Anauk-Both want open access to DSOM / Steelman-Want to get to DSOM / Tallas- wants to get to DSOM/Rollin- wants to find the One

Relationship conflict:

Anauk-In love with Saltar’s daughter / Steelman- holding one of her hatchlings for torture/ Tallas-Deepers and Longheads sworn enemy /Rollin- he knows Saltar visits Tallas.

Relationship history:

Anauk- Saltar has history with his dad / Steelman- she helps get his lover and kid to DSOM (as favor to Tallas/ Tallas- Saltar tried to seduce him long ago to gain details about the ONE/ Rollin-has early memories concerning Saltar and Tallas

Relationship subtext:

Anauk- Saltar wants him but can’t have him / Steelman- I have something you want/ Tallas- forbidden sexual tension /Rollin- been quietly observing everyone.

Relationship arc:

Anauk- object of desire to object of manipulation / Steelman-ally to conflict when she finds out he is torturing one of her hatchlings / Tallas- Sworn enemy to lover /Rollin-. silent keeper to bargaining info.

Steelman:

Relationship surface:

Anauk- informant / Saltar- chess mate/ Tallas- ally /Rollin-ambivalent

Relationship common ground:

Anauk- His father allied with Longheads against the Deepers/ Saltar- interest in her hatchling in prison / Tallas- get to DSOM /Rollin-both pro Longhead

Relationship conflict:

Anauk-Stirring up trouble for Steelman by rebelling against his father / Saltar- he is torturing her hatchling/ Tallas-Steelman meets with Deepers /Rollin- does not want Steelman to know he is the One.

Relationship history:

Anauk- was present at negotiations between Steelman and Anauk’s father (Skyflier’s Don) to get Steelman’s pregnant lover to DSOM / Saltar-Helped get his preg. Lover to Skyfliers. / Tallas- shares history of alien arrival with him – the source informant. Gains insight of weaknesses of each species /Rollin-uses his telepathy to see what Steelman is up to.

Relationship subtext:

Anauk- Lukewarm / Saltar- I know your secret / Tallas- unofficial family /Rollin-spy

Relationship arc:

Anauk- Luke warm to ally / Saltar-ally to conflict / Tallas-ally to betrayer /Rollin- innocent to blackmailer.

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 5

Subject line: Renee Brown’s Character Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is…as I explore the characters in this way, plot lines materialize like magic. Cool.

Assignment1

The 100

Clark:

A. Situational: Hope: Earth is safe, everyone can come down / Fear: They are all gonna die.

B. Motivation: Want: to see her mother again / Need: to be loved

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: guilt / Public Mask: Leader

D. Weaknesses: Finn, her dad’s death

E. Triggers: Talking about her dad

F. Coping Mechanism: Bossing everyone around

Finn:

A. Situational: Hope: He has a chance with Clark / Fear: being alone

B. Motivation: Want: to prove himself / Need: to be loved

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Pride / Public Mask: tough guy clown

D. Weaknesses: cares too much

E. Triggers: challenging his knowledge

F. Coping Mechanism: hides

<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” noshade=”” align=”center”>

ASSIGNMENT 2: Alien Mafia

1. For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

Situational: Hope / Fear

Tallas: Restore the glory of his species / Loose his identity

Anauk: Be a better Flier than his dad / Ridicule

Saltar: Unite the Deepers and Longheads / Getting old

Steelman: Reunite with his lover and child / Dying alone

Rollin: Escape the “one” title / Being in the spotlight

Motivation: Want / Need

Tallas: To be the bringer of the prophecy / Avenge his heritage

Anauk: Recognized by his dad / Love and validation.

Saltar: Ally with the Longheads and Fliers / to be relevant

Steelman: Save DSOM / Family

Rollin: Step aside / anonymity

Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask

Tallas: Vengeful / Scholar

Anauk: Prideful / Too cool for you

Saltar: Vanity / Helpful

Steelman: Lonely / ambitious

Rollin: Desperately shy / martyred

Weaknesses

Tallas: Unforgiving

Anauk: Overly ambitious

Saltar: Attention seeking

Steelman: Power

Rollin: Powerless

Triggers

Tallas: Kindness to Deepers

Anauk: Being Teased

Saltar: Being Ignored

Steelman: Fear of open spaces

Rollin: The spotlight

F. Coping Mechanism

Tallas: Lies, alters his species’ history

Anauk: Distracts, acts cool/ clown

Saltar: Seduces / plays the temptress

Steelman: Alters state / whisky

Rollin: Shuts down / hides

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 4

Subject line: Renee Brown’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is… If I get stuck on filling in the blanks, I just skip around and before I know it, one decision leads to the next and the blanks start filling in. Also, I know anything can change at any point so there is less stress to get it right, right now.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

1. Think about The 100. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.

Why is Cain trying to take over? What did Abby’s husband do to get killed? What did Clark do to be in lock up? Why did the Canceler condemn his son?

2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.

The little girl kills the guy in order to slay her nightmare demons. She learned the technique from Cain.

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Character Name and Role in series: (changing a character here….)

Tallas: Young (600 yr. old) longhead who is the blood line and leader of the original, underground alien species on earth.

Anauk: Leader of the sky– dwelling alien species who controls access for all aliens on earth to the dark side of the moon where the UN of Alien species lays in shadow.

Saltar: Reptilian / Salamander like leader of the water dwelling (Deepers) alien nation who is playing both sides with the Longheads and the Skyfliers.

Mark Steelman: 5-star general who mediates top secret relations with the alien factions on earth.

Rollin (changed name and gender): The One, who the longheads are training, underground, to bring peace to earth.

Hidden agendas:

Tallas: Make sure Rollin succeeds as “the one” although some things are not lining up with prophecies. He does not have all the bloodlines in his veins

Anauk: provide Deepers with access to Dark Side of Moon (DSOM) even though they are currently ban from the AUN (Alien United Nations)

Saltar: Works with Anauk to gain access to DSOM while trying to find out who the “one” is from the longheads.

Steelman: Keep humanity from destroying DSOM and try to reunite with lover/child though longheads

Rollin: Train his little sister Maryum to be the one.

Competition:

Tallas: Rollins/ Tallas / the prophecy seekers

Anauk: The Skyfliers who can fly.

Saltar: Her daughter

Steelman: Tallas

Rollin: Maryum

Conspiracies:

Tallas: “Finds” (creates) new prophecy texts that support Rollin being “The one”

Anauk: Lies to his father about his relationship to Saltar.

Saltar: Conspires with Anauk for DSOM access and to create tech for him to fly again.

Steelman: Reports false intel to military complex to keep Longheads safe.

Rollin: He is acting like he is the one in order to gain knowledge to train his little sister Maryum.

Secrets:

Tallas: He is forging prophecy. And Seelman’s lover is his ex-partner.

Anauk: He is in love with Saltar’s daughter

Saltar: In love with Anauk and wants the Longheads to succeed.

Steelman: His secret lover / child on DSOM and his loyalty to Longheads because of it.

Rollin: Knows his little sister Maryum is from a different father thus giving her the full bloodline instead of him. Also, Maryum has a twin and this is Steelman’s child with Tallas’ ex.

Deception:

Tallas: Wants Rollin to fail because he does not want unification. Still holds ancestorial grudge from when the Deepers destroyed the Longhead ship 150,000 years ago.

Anauk: Lies to his family about his feelings about Deepers and DSOM access rules.

Saltar: Keeps her feelings for Anauk from her daughter. Uses her daughter as a bargaining chip to achieve her goals.

Steelman: Reports false intel to military complex to keep Longheads safe.

Rollin: Does not tell anyone he is training Mayrum to be “the one”

Wound:

Tallas: The loss of his ansestors. The long heads are telepathic and their memories are ancestorial. He “remembers” his ancestors loosing thier family when the Deepers destroyed the ship.

Anauk: He is a Flier who can not fly.

Saltar: Unrequited love.

Steelman: Loss of his love and child

Rollin: does not believe in himself.

Secret Identity

Tallas: Key to healing his nation (must heal his grief first) . Also, he unwittingly introduced Steelman to his ex, so he is in a way responsible for producing the true “one”

Anauk: Savior to humanity.

Saltar: Assassin to the twin sister

Steelman: The human seed to “the one” s bloodline

Rollin: Doesn’t know it yet, but he and his twin sisters: “They”. Are “The One.” (the trifecta)

[Renee Brown]

Lesson 3

Renee Brown’s Engaging Main Characters

ASSIGNMENT 1:

What I learned doing this assignment is…it really does help just to fill in the blanks. I didn’t have any of these characters established in my mind or even named! I’m just spit-balling answers that feel right and I am astonished how close to the right path I feel. I am sure many of these answers will change as I develop the concept, but this is an entirely different process than the usual linear way. Feels freeing. …and fun!

The 100

Character: Clark

A. Role in the show: Expedition’s natural positive leader. B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Get everyone to keep their wrist bands on and lead them to the mountain where the supplies are. C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Why is she a prisoner…what did she do?D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? She is falling for Finn who has a love on the Ark, but she doesn’t know it yet. E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Takes off her wrist band.F. Empathetic: Why do we care? She is the glue to the good world. She is haunted by her father’s death.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Now, do the process with your show.

1. Journey of Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia

Journey of how 3 alien species came to be on earth, how the state of that world is today, and what the world looks like once the secret is out. Who will the true leader of the new earth be?

A. Who are the main characters that will sell your show? What are their roles:

Tallas: Young (600 yr. old) longhead who is the blood line and leader of the original, underground alien species on earth.

Anauk: Leader of the sky– dwelling alien species who controls access for all aliens on earth to the dark side of the moon where the UN of Alien species lays in shadow.

Saltar: Reptilian / Salamander like leader of the water dwelling (Deepers) alien nation who is playing both sides with the Longheads and the Skyfliers.

Mark Steelman: 5-star general who mediates top secret relations with the alien factions on earth.

Maryum: The One, who the longheads are training, underground, to bring peace to earth and free humanity.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

· Tallas: Train the “one”

· Anauk: To be the rebelion access to the dark side of the moon.

· Saltar: Unites the Longheads and Skyflyers

· Steelman: Stop humanity’s plan to blow up the base on the dark side of the moon.

· Maryum: Become the “One”

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

· Tallas: Hides the fact that Maryum has the blood lines of all aliens and humanity running in her veins.

· Anauk: He is a Flyer who cannot fly.

· Saltar: Has a thing for Flyers.

· Steelman: Has a child with a Longhead priestess, both of whom are being kept on the dark side of the moon.

· Maryum: Believes there is another “One” and is training her in secret.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

· Tallas: Betrays the priests of “The One” to keep the bloodline secret.

· Anauk: Forms friendships with his sworn enemy (the Deepers)

· Saltar: Playing both sides of the Longheads and Skyflyers

· Steelman: Betraying humanity by keeping the secret of the Mafia.

· Maryum: Betraying the Longheads who believe in her by training another “one”

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

· Tallas: Alters the ancient scripts to reflect Maryum’s bloodline.

· Anauk: works with the Deepers to develop tech that allows him to fly.

· Saltar: Falls in love with Anauk.

· Steelman: Kills Anauk’s father to keep his secret.

· Maryum: Admit she is training another.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

· Tallas: We know history is sometimes made up by those who write it.

· Anauk: We want a bird to fly from his cage

· Saltar: We sometimes love who we are forbidden to love.

· Steelman: We want the big bad military man to be the good guy.

· Maryum: We are imperfect and look to others for perfection.

[Renee Brown]

Hi all,

I’m playing catchup, joined late. Posted my concept in day 1 forum, but I know you all are looking ahead not back! So, posting it here again. working through lesson 4 and will be caught up with you this week. Looking forward to being with you for the next 6 months…cheers!

Show Concept

Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia

Alien Mafia toggles between ancient past and present day, following the origin stories of 3 alien species who share earth with humanity. In present day, the species form factions that dominate the underground, the sky, and the deep sea. The interaction among these factions and humanity is mob-like. Each species has a Don (or Donette) including humanity (with its unofficial leader) .

Each species has its main hero or heroin and the plot lines intertwine.

The vast majority of humanity has no idea the earth is inhabited by these aliens… until now.

While navigating the chaos of the biggest lie ever being unleashed in the present, the series explores how each species came to earth and why.

The first aliens to arrive were the longheads. They have been searching for “the one” for the last few millennia to unite the planet with all its inhabitants. Now they have found her. A longhead / human coalition has been forming for thousands of years in anticipation of “the one” arriving.

The series takes us into the intriguing world of each alien species’ habitat on earth: underground networks and city caverns, sky cities cloaked in clouds, deep ocean trench cities, as well as the top-secret world of human military coverups and “handling” of humanity.

That’s the basics. Looking forward to filling in the blanks….and man are there lots of them!

[Renee Brown]

Show Concept

1. Tell us your plot line.

Renee Brown’s Alien Mafia

Alien Mafia toggles between ancient past and present day, following the origin stories of 3 alien species who share earth with humanity. In present day, the species form factions who dominate the underground, the sky, and the deep sea. The interaction among these factions and humanity is mob-like. Each species has a Don (or Donette) including humanity (with its unofficial leader) .

Each species has its main hero or heroin and the plot lines intertwine.

The vast majority of humanity has no idea the earth is inhabited by these aliens… until now.

While navigating the chaos of the biggest lie ever being unleashed in the present, the series explores how each species came to earth and why.

The first aliens to arrive were the longheads. They have been searching for “the one” for the last few millennia to unite the planet with all its inhabitants. Now they have found her. A longhead / human coalition has been forming for thousands of years in anticipation of “the one” arriving.

The series takes us into the intriguing world of each alien species’ habitat on earth: underground networks and city caverns, sky cities cloaked in clouds, deep ocean trench cities, as well as the top-secret world of human military coverups and “handling” of humanity.

[Renee Brown]

Subject line: Renee Brown Three Circles of Characters

Lesson 2

What I learned doing this assignment is: My concept has been haunting me for a year or so. At first, I was trying to fit this into feature format. That’s where it stalled. Too many story lines, too many characters, too many plot points… too much to fit into 2 hrs. I now see that these very troubling aspects are my greatest strength for developing BWTV. Plenty of treads to weave in and out; creating an undeniable tapestry that must be seen in its entirety.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see how the characters fit into these three circles: The 100

A. Main Characters Circle: Clark, Finn, Abby, Canceler, Wells, Cain, Blake,

B. Connected Circle: Octavia, Jasper, Murphy, Monty, Blake’s groupies, good kids, Raven

C. Environment Circle: the forest, the rest of the prisoners, the rest on the ark, grounders in the forest.

.

<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” noshade=”” align=”center”>

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Create the three circles of characters for your show.

2. Give us a one sentence description of each of the Main Characters.

Renee Brown’s Concept:

A. Main Characters Circle:

(Working names)

Tallas: Young (600 yr. old) longhead who is the blood line and leader of the original, underground alien species on earth.

Anauk: Leader of the ski – dwelling alien species who controls access for all aliens on earth to the dark side of the moon where the UN of Alien species lays in shadow.

Saltar: Reptilian / Salamander like leader of the water dwelling alien nation who is playing both sides with the Longheads and the Skifliers.

Mark Steelman: 5-star general who mediates top secret relations with the alien factions on earth.

Maryum: The One, who the longheads are training, underground, to bring peace to earth and free humanity.

B. Connected Circle:

Tallas’ ancestors who arrived 150,000 yrs ago.

Tallas’ ancestors who arrive present day and blow the whole thing apart to the public

Anauk’s army of fliers

Anauk’s son, who is secretly building a base of his own in the mists of Saturn

Saltar’s fleet of underwater wariors.

Saltar’s daughter who is in love with Maryum, but is forced to be with Anauk’s son in order to produce a hybrid.

The Earth military machine who knows, but hides it from the public

The alien researchers who are trying to uncover the truth

The existing human alien hybrids who know / don’t know what they are.

C. Environment Circle:

The origin planet / ship/ journey of the original longheads

Ancient earth / ancient human culture

The underground caverns going miles deep

Underwater cities in the deepest depths of the ocean.

Sky cities cloaked in cloud formations and weather

The military complex

The dark side of the moon

Saturn

[Renee Brown]

The 100

What I learned doing this assignment is… I don’t have to like the show to understand why it is binge worthy. I want to see the next episode to spite my self!

Beats:

The earth is unsafe because of nuclear devastation 97 years ago. The last of humanity is aboard the Ark space station. Ticking clock is resources –they are running out. They need to go down to earth 100 years early. They send the youth prisoners (only alive because they are not 18 yet so they can’t be executed yet) to earth. The prisoners wear wrist bands to report vitals to the Ark. Communications get knocked out so the only communication is the wrist band info.

On the Ark, the chairman gets shot, the doctor uses too much blood, the anti-hero puts her in the air lock, the chairman saves her at the last moment. Sides are chosen.

On earth, the youth prisoners form tribes on taking off bands or not. Ticking clock: the food and supplies are a mountain away. They send a group to bring back food. All is well until one of the group is speared by ? They are not alone.

Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?

Will the youth of remaining humanity lead to returning all humans to earth?

Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Some of them are wise beyond their years.

Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?

Prisoners are sentenced to death for any offense. That’s tough. We don’t know yet what each one did to get there? Whey they land, they are a mountain away from food. Dang. The son of the chairman is still fighting for his father.

Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

Who is on the earth? Are they enemy or friend? What did the chairman’s son do to be a prisoner? Why did the janitor shoot the chairman? How did the bother get on the prisoner ship?

Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

Cliff hanger at the end with the guy getting speared. Establishment of tribes among the prisoners. Politics on the Ark.

[Renee Brown]

1. Name? Renee

Joining the class late…was on a deadline and had to prioritize daily bathing and feeding myself at least twice a day 🙂

2. How many scripts you’ve written? I have one finished script and 2 more in the works

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I have a TV series idea and want to develop it.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I put honey on my popcorn and eat it with chopsticks.

IMPORTANT: To post your answers to these questions, look above the post and click the black “Reply to this topic” button.

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Renee Brown]

<div>Double Jeopardy Thriller Conventions </div>

What I learned doing this assignment is that no matter what genre thriller it is… The thriller has some undeniable structure points.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Libby

<div>

Dangerous Villain:Nick (her husband)

High stakes: Libby goes to prison for Nick’s murder…only he’s not dead.

Life and death situations: When she skips parole and finds Nick, he tries to kill her before she exposes him.

This movie is thrilling because? We really want the parole officer to find out she is innocent before Nick kills her, or parole officer catches her.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: Where is Libby’s son?</div><div>

Big Intrigue: Can she prove she is innocent ?

Big Suspense: Will she kill Nick for real?

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?

I saw this one a long time ago, but looking at it with new eyes, I see all the signposts of the Thriller.

</div>

[Renee Brown]

1. Renee Brown
2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
3. GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “THRILLER 20” CLASS

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.

2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,
disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this
program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.

3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.

4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for Thriller 20.

[Renee Brown]

1. Name? Renee Brown

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 1

3. What you hope to get out of the class? More skills for the toolbox

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I eat popcorn with chopsticks

[Renee Brown]

Hey Tracy,

I just sent you a private message with my email. Check the top right of your tool bar for the message icon.

Renee

[Renee Brown]

Eclipse,

This is great. Looking forward to seeing the puzzle pieces come together.

Renee

[Renee Brown]

Jeffrey!!! This is a great story. I can’t wait to see it. Looking forward to the development.

Renee

[Renee Brown]

Hi Donna! I see what you are doing here…. I think it would become more clear if you ditched the poetic prose and spoke to me like I am a 5 year old. (come on….I can take it… and yes, I know you really wouldn’t tell a story like this to a 5 year old…..)

Here’s what I’m thinking. Perhaps instead of:

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Something like: (making up names here)

Steven is devastated. Until he meets his buddy’s friend, Wanda… who happens to be a prostitute. Good times turn murderous when Steven accidentally kills Wanda!

Wanda’s pimp wants to know what happened… but more than that, he’s looking for a new hitman for his prostitution ring. Looks like he just found his guy.

[Renee Brown]

Hi Donna,

Super cool that this is inspired by a true story! Heeeeello Mrs. Robinson x 10!

I’m getting a bit lost in the drama details here. Could you stream line the Concept into more of an overall series statement?

I have the feeling you are using the pilot as inciting incident here, do I have that right? I’m not sure if that should be stated? Maybe Hall can clarify on Thurs?

As I understand it, the episode structure is meant to identify the engine that will carry the series 5-6 seasons. not sure I’m feeling that yet.

looking forward to seeing the next draft….

Renee

[Renee Brown]

Thanks Donna,

I think your questions get into the meat of the drama in the series….

they do all have answers 🙂

However, It’s my understanding that we are to stick with high concept and stay away from story details here? If I’m off here, someone please… save me!

That said, if it’s confusing on any level INSTEAD of creating intrigue…I’m in trouble.

So. I’ll go again. Here goes:

ALIENS’ EARTH

1 Hour Sci-fi Drama – Serial

NUTSHELL: Dune meets Godfather.

CONCEPT: Earth’s ancient history is about to be re-written.

SUMMARY: Three alien species live on earth right now: Longheads, Deepers, and Skyfliers. They’ve been here for over 150,000 years; living in hidden places, disguised from humanity. Peace between these earth alien factions is maintained by a shared prophecy.

But now, the delicate balance is tumbling over!

One of the alien leaders has gone rogue, and a strange, cloaked, Planet X has parked next to earth; threatening to blow everyone’s cover. Turns out, Planet X is a friend to the factions, but it must be hidden from humans… for now.

Earth aliens can manage hiding Planet X from humanity. They can even make nice long enough to partner with a top secret human liaison to stop the rogue leader. But when the Greys land on the scene, earth aliens and humans face a foe that could end them all.

Will the prophecy that unites earth alien factions hold fast? Is the prophecy even real?

When war breaks out over control of earth, will humanity and earth aliens unite to defeat the Greys?

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Each week, earth aliens must navigate clashes between their factions, work toward solving an ancient prophecy mystery, and move closer to mutual understanding.

Portrait episodes rotate through the main characters; exploring how each species came to earth and how the shared prophecy was formed.

The top secret human liaisons must manage the propaganda machine that keeps most of humanity in the dark.

Break out episodes explore Planet X , why it is here, and how it traveled to earth.

By the end, everyone has to get on the same page if they are to defeat the Greys.

If they succeed, the victory will create earth’s new chapter: One of peaceful and radical diversity.

[Renee Brown]

Totally!

And apologies for early comments. just a thought…. not sure when we are supposed to add responses thoughts and stuff on brainstorming. Gonna be a fun6 months! R

[Renee Brown]

Hi Marcus,

Super cool concept. I want to watch this. Not sure if we are to comment yet, but want to capture this thought…

<font face=”inherit”> It would help me believe this naive and truly nice guy who never did anything wrong or considered hurting anyone could flip such a big switch if there were a seed of rebellion planted in his past. Something that this devastating loss triggers? He still clings to a thread of moral teachings with the last chance chase game, but his core </font>character<font face=”inherit”> blooms a </font>destructive<font face=”inherit”> flower planted so long ago? </font>