Rhonda Burnaugh
Forum Replies Created
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Title:
Genre: Drama Romance
Logline: L When a tragic accident takes his daughter’s life, a terminally ill rock musician is consumed by
guilt and driven to reconcile with his past, aiming to be a beacon of hope for his newfound
family before his time runs out.
Synopsis: In the midst of pursuing his dreams, Michael receives a devastating diagnosis, thrusting the harsh reality of mortality upon him. Confronting this grim prognosis, he’s struck by the stark absence of meaningful relationships in his life. It compels him to embark on a remarkable journey, one where he’s determined to construct the loving family he never had. This undertaking demands a reckoning with his past mistakes and necessitates making sacrifices of the highest order. Among these sacrifices is the arduous task of extending forgiveness, not only to others, but also to himself after the accidental drowning of his daughter in his pool. In the face of this crisis, his journey becomes emotional triggers for those around him, unearthing memories and buried feelings. When he reconnects with Seraphine, his long-lost Lakota girlfriend, she deciphers an ancient ancestral prophecy, unlocking a spiritual connection that allows her to share her Native teaching with Michael. Yet there’s another layer to his plan. While his newfound family believes they’ve gathered to help their friend fight for his life, he silently assumes the role as their guardian angel. In the shadows, he orchestrates a future for them, one brimming with hope and opportunities they never thought possible. As he grapples with his own mortality, he becomes the architect of their destinies, determined to leave a legacy that transcends the confines of time. -
Genre: Drama Romance
Title: Look at Me Now
Concept: When a tragic accident takes his daughter’s life, a terminally ill rock musician is consumed by guilt and driven to reconcile with his past, aiming to be a beacon of hope for his newfound family before his time runs out.
Audience: Age 20-45; male and females who like character-driven stories.
Budget: 5-10 million.
Lead Characters: Michael Dolanski, protagonist; Seraphine Rosewood, supporting lead to protagonist; Gloria- antagonist.
Journey/Character Arc: Confidant, sarcastic, charismatic Adonis/ lead singer for their rock band, to suffering with testicular cancer, which as spread to his lungs. When he believes the fight for his life will be his worst challenge, his 5 year old daughter drowns in his pool, bringing him to his knees and numb to even wanting to live. But Seraphine, his Native American girlfriend he lost years ago, is his gentle breeze in the storm as he begins the process of learning not only to forgive others that have hurt him, but to forgive himself.
Opening: Michael preparing to go onstage for a concert,then experiencing a massive nosebleed in front of the audience and collapsing.
Ending: His battle ends with his death, in the arms of his loving family, which he creates and leaving an impactful legacy for each of them. -
Rhonda Burnaugh- Going Up
Well, this is depressing!
1. I have two screenplays I can share writing examples from: St. Hellacious and Look At Me Now.
2. The first is a thriller, the second one is a drama romance. Both deliver on their genre.
3. Both have placed as Quarterfinalists in WIKI and Scriptapalooza. They are currently out again in contests.
4. No contest wins, optioned or deals. YET!
5. Lots comes up on Google but needs updated. Linkin is listed, but I can’t get in.
6. No connections to producers at this time.
7. Screenwriting U Master classes. Worked with Scott Parisien at Scriptreader Pro.
8. No IMDB credits.
9. Five published novels! -
Tell us the two projects you’re bringing into this class and give us a budget range for each; each project must be: I am bringing a thriller, St. Hellacious and a drama romance, Look at me Now.
a. An idea that you would like to create. I want to write a satire called 55+ about living in a retirement community.
b. A finished script. I have two I consider finished and have entered in a couple contests and on Inktip.
Google your name, build your credibility. importance of a killer writing sample.5. Post your assignment in the forums.
Subject line: (Your name’s) Projects and Insights (place in first line)
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Rhonda Burnaugh
I have written 4 scripts and 5 novels.
I want to learn how to approach producers with confidence and build my credibility as a writer.
It’s probably not strange, but I have worked most of career as a psychiatric nurse, which helps me build character profiles. -
Rhonda Burnaugh.
I agree to the terms of this release form. -
I can review for for you, Frances. Could you review my pitch/query letter?
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Elevator Pitch<div>
What if the happiest year of your life turned out to be the year of your departure from this world? And your legacy wasn’t defined by who you were, but by the profound impact you left on those who remained behind?
Phone Pitch
Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Based on your recent movie, _____________, I believe this might be a good fit for your next project.
If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:
Pitch Fest Pitch
Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Set in California and Maui, I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a good fit to play the role of the main character.
In the midst of pursuing his dreams as an aspiring rock star, a devastating diagnosis thrusts the harsh reality of mortality upon him. Confronting this grim prognosis, he’s struck by the stark absence of meaningful connections in his life. It compels him to embark on a remarkable journey, one where he’s determined to construct the loving family he never had.
This undertaking demands a reckoning with painful memories and necessitates making sacrifices of the highest order. Among these sacrifices is the arduous task of extending forgiveness, not only to others but also to himself. He resolves to be the kind of Papa he should have been to his precious little daughter, who had been missing from his life for far too long.
Yet, there’s another layer to his plan. While his newfound family believes they’ve gathered to help their friend in his fight for life, he silently assumes the role of their guardian angel. In the shadows, he orchestrates a future for them, one brimming with hope and opportunities they never thought possible.
As he grapples with his own mortality, he becomes the architect of their destinies, determined to leave a legacy that transcends the confines of time.
If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:
Query Letter
Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Based on your recent movie, _____________, I believe this might be a good fit for your next project. I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a good fit to play the role of the main character.
In the midst of pursuing his dreams as an aspiring rock star, a devastating diagnosis thrusts the harsh reality of mortality upon him. Confronting this grim prognosis, he’s struck by the stark absence of meaningful connections in his life. It compels him to embark on a remarkable journey, one where he’s determined to construct the loving family he never had.
This undertaking demands a reckoning with painful memories and necessitates making sacrifices of the highest order. Among these sacrifices is the arduous task of extending forgiveness, not only to others but also to himself. He resolves to be the kind of Papa he should have been to his precious little daughter, who had been missing from his life for far too long.
Yet, there’s another layer to his plan. While his newfound family believes they’ve gathered to help their friend in his fight for life, he silently assumes the role of their guardian angel. In the shadows, he orchestrates a future for them, one brimming with hope and opportunities they never thought possible.
As he grapples with his own mortality, he becomes the architect of their destinies, determined to leave a legacy that transcends the confines of time.
If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:
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PHONE PITCHES<div>
What I learned from this lesson- the importance of knowing how to determine what producers would be seeking your genre type and the importance
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Lead with credibility.Lead with a great title.Lead with a strong business hook.Lead with a High Concept.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?Who do you see in the main roles?How many pages is the script? 113 pages. Who else has seen this?No one in the industry, but has been in a few contests, such as WIKI and Scriptapalooza. Why do you think this fits our company? It is similar to movies made by Nicholas Sparks. How does the movie end? The ending is a tearjerker.
4. Answer the question “What I learned from this lesson is…?” and place that at the top of your work.
Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Set in California and Maui, I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a good fit to play the role of the main character.
What if the most joyful year of your existence turned out to be the year of your departure from this world? And what if your legacy wasn’t defined by who you were, but by the profound impact you left on those who remained behind?
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Module 10. Lesson#8:
Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is Ohana. Set in California and Maui, I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a great role for the main character.
In ACT I: Good news: The night starts out with rock star Michael Dolanski spying Seraphine, a Native American girl that was his high school crush, in the audience. But when he blows blood all over the stage during a concert, and is diagnosed with cancer that has spread to his lungs, his dreams turn into a nightmare.
ACT II: Creating his own support group, best buddy DJ, his nurse Anni and a priest, Father Joe join him in Maui. Michael must contend with his manipulative ex, Gloria while maintaining a relationship with their daughter, and helicopter sister, Gina.
ACT III: Even though chemotherapy kicks his butt, Michael is the secretive guardian angel behind his family. But hope fades when his cancer returns. He begins making plans for them to have a good life, without him.
ACT IV: In his last days, everyone gathers close. Michael dies on Christmas morning in the arms of Seraphine and Gina, who finally admits she is his birth mother. Joe asks for a sign and a meteor shower fills the night sky as they scatter his ashes. His legacy lives on. Joe and Anni, with their son, Michael Joseph, his daughter Rose, and Gloria who realizes Seraphine was the best choice. His buddy DJ, a pilot and his BF, flies him home.
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Module #10: Query Letters.
What I learned: Having just watched the class on using AI to assist with everything from loglines to cliffhangers, I think this could be better after taking the class!
Dear XXX,
What if the best year of your life was the year you died? Rock star Michael Dolanski has everything: paparazzi, song of the year, and a mansion on the beaches of Maui. What could possibly screw up his whole life in one single day?
When teenager Michael Dolanski falls in love with Seraphine, a Native American girl, in Marysville, California, he finally feels hope. But when his family life shatters, and they are torn apart, he believes he will never see her again. Years later, as a world-famous rock star, he spies her in the crowd and his heart skips a beat. However, that night has more than one surprise and when Michael discovers he has a catastrophic illness, and might not have much time left, he begins to examine his life and what is truly important to him. While in the hospital, he meets Joe, a priest for all the wrong reasons, and Anni, a nurse with a past as broken as his own. While grappling with his own reality, Seraphine reemerges. But it’s complicated: there’s an ex-wife that wants him back, a daughter he is trying to hold onto, and his sister harbors a secret. Michael has more than music to worry about and must decide what his legacy will be, if he leaves them all behind. As Michael surrounds himself with his newfound family, he quietly devises a plan for each one, as Michael says, “There’s saying in Hawaii, Ohana. You are my chosen family, and no one gets left behind.”
Based on the novel ‘Catch a Falling Star’ this is a character-driven drama filled with humor, hope and heartache. This includes subtle spiritual overtones. It’s comparable to Nicholas Sparks mixed with ‘I Still Believe’ or John Green’s “The Fault in our Stars.’ I have 5 published novels and four screenplays. If interested, I would love to send you a copy of for a quick weekend read, however you will need to supply your own stock of Kleenex.
Thank you for your precious time,
Rhonda Burnaugh
Phone:
Email:
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High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
What I learned is that it is difficult to put everything into one sentence and make it interesting.
Dilemma: A rock star is diagnosed with a terminal disease and has to get his life in order.
Main Conflict: He wants to create a legacy for those he left behind during his pursuit of fame.
Goal/Unique Opposition: to make amends; create his own family support system; fall in love.
1. What if the happiest year of your life was the year you died?
2. When an aspiring rock star is diagnosed with a terminal illness, he is determined to create a legacy of love for each of those he may be leaving behind.
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What if the happiest year of your life was year you died? And your legacy wasn’t who you were, but the legacy you created for those you left behind.
Whenever Mercury goes retrograde, it’s time to retrace your steps. For Michael going backwards means returning to the dark side of his life, and that is not in his cards. Now a successful rock musician, he embraces the chaos of fame and winning the hearts of many; to his delight he is no longer limited to choosing one rose when he can embrace the whole bouquet. Michael’s path is strewn with more than one flower left behind, including his sister Gina, who struggled to raise him, an ex “I never married her” Gloria, the mother of their 5 year old daughter, ironically named Rose. But one night the stars realign when two celestial events occur during a concert performance: He spies Seraphine, the only one he ever loved and when he suffers a massive nosebleed on stage. Not the showstopper he had planned. Diagnosed with testicular cancer which has spread to his lungs, he plunges into a black hole of denial and despair.
While hospitalized, the stars weave a tapestry of empathy and compassion for Michael, when his path crosses with nurse Anni and a priest, Father Joe, who both commit to caring for him at his Maui retreat. As Michael’s keen intuition reveals Joe and Anni’s romantic bonds are growing stronger, his soul awakens to the lack of nurturing relationships in his own life and a desire for deeper connections. Despite Gloria’s blackmailing and threats, all cosmic energies unite, drawing him back to Seraphine’s magnetic orbit, forcing him to face hurtful memories, in Marysville, California. The time has also come to embrace the spirituality and grace of forgiveness-and-make peace, with Gina and Gloria. For his daughter, Rose, he keeps a secret and devotes himself to being the Papa he should have been to her.
If emotional trauma wasn’t enough, chemotherapy must be a karmic debt from hell. As the cosmic canvas evolves, so do Michael’s perceptions of what is important. While Joe challenges Michael’s faith in God; Michael embraces Seraphine’s Native American wisdom. Meanwhile, Joe deliberates leaving the church to pursue a future with Anni. However, Anni has wounds she cannot share while Joe struggles with a burden of guilt that is killing him.
While everyone is under the premise of helping their friend, Michael is the guardian angel in the shadows creating a legacy of lasting memories through acts of kindness for those he might be leaving behind. For those he has gathered, which includes his loyal buddy DJ, he creates the family he never had when growing up and can not only accept being loved, but offer love back in return. As he explains to them, “There is a saying in Hawaii, Ohana. You are my chosen family. In my family, no one gets left behind.”
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Lesson #5: Hooks
What I learned is NOT to write a book report!
What if the happiest year of your life was year you died? And your legacy wasn’t who you were, but the legacy you created for those you left behind.
Whenever Mercury goes retrograde, it’s time to retrace your steps. For Michael going backwards means returning to the dark side of his life, and that is not in his cards. Now a successful rock musician, he embraces the chaos of fame and winning the hearts of many; to his delight he is no longer limited to choosing one rose when he can embrace the whole bouquet. Michael’s path is strewn with more than one flower left behind, including his sister Gina, who struggled to raise him, an ex “I never married her” Gloria, the mother of their 5 year old daughter, ironically named Rose. But one night the stars realign when two celestial events occur during a concert performance: He spies Seraphine, the only one he ever loved and when he suffers a massive nosebleed on stage. Not the showstopper he had planned. Diagnosed with testicular cancer which has spread to his lungs, he plunges into a black hole of denial and despair.
While hospitalized, the stars weave a tapestry of empathy and compassion for Michael, when his path crosses with nurse Anni and a priest, Father Joe, who both commit to caring for him at his Maui retreat. As Michael’s keen intuition reveals Joe and Anni’s romantic bonds are growing stronger, his soul awakens to the lack of nurturing relationships in his own life and a desire for deeper connections. Despite Gloria’s blackmailing and threats, all cosmic energies unite, drawing him back to Seraphine’s magnetic orbit, forcing him to face hurtful memories, in Marysville, California. The time has also come to embrace the spirituality and grace of forgiveness-and-make peace, with Gina and Gloria. For his daughter, Rose, he keeps a secret and devotes himself to being the Papa he should have been to her.
If emotional trauma wasn’t enough, chemotherapy must be a karmic debt from hell. As the cosmic canvas evolves, so do Michael’s perceptions of what is important. While Joe challenges Michael’s faith in God; Michael embraces Seraphine’s Native American wisdom. Meanwhile, Joe deliberates leaving the church to pursue a future with Anni. However, Anni has wounds she cannot share while Joe struggles with a burden of guilt that is killing him.
While everyone is under the premise of helping their friend, Michael is the guardian angel in the shadows creating a legacy of lasting memories through acts of kindness for those he might be leaving behind. For those he has gathered, which includes his loyal buddy DJ, he creates the family he never had when growing up and can not only accept being loved, but offer love back in return. As he explains to them, “There is a saying in Hawaii, Ohana. You are my chosen family. In my family, no one gets left behind.”
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Ten Most Interesting Things:
What I learned is the emotional dilemma could be stronger.
1. Uniqueness of Villian and Hero:
Villian Gloria: Narcissistic; manipulates/blackmails Michael to get him to come back to her.
Hero Michael: survived an abusive childhood and foster homes. Trust issues- wants to be loved.
2. Major Hook in 1st scene: Michael and DJ arrive at their concert in a stolen Lamborghini. Scene 2: Onstage, Michael spies his high school sweetheart, then suffers a massive nosebleed and is rushed to the hospital.
3. Turning Point: Michael is diagnosed w Stage IV cancer. His world is turned upside down, from rock star to cancer patient.
4. Major Twists: Anni accidentally discovers that Rose is not Michael’s biological daughter. Gina confesses she is not Michael’ sister, but is his birth mother. Father Joe leaves the priesthood to marry nurse Anni. Anni confides she was once married and her baby was stillborn. Michael wants to be with Seraphine, but she was just proposed to by her BF, Russell.
5. Emotional Dilemma: Anni is afraid to love again. Joe suffers extreme guilt for causing his father’s death. Michael is torn between his fear of Gloria outing his secrets and his soulmate, Seraphine. Joe must decide between leaving the Catholic church and risking if Anni will choose him. Gina must decide whether or not to tell Michael the truth- that she is his mother.
6. Reversals: Michael goes from confidant to terrified to step back onstage after Gloria publically betrays him. Russell goes from Sera’s lover to punching out Michael. Gloria realizes she couldn’t have been there for Michael and thanks Sera, saying Michael made the right choice.
7. Big surprises: I think the biggest surprise is that Father Joe, Anni, buddy DJ, all thought they were there to help Michael with his cancer and treatments, but all alone, Michael was the angel in the background, creating a legacy of love for all of them.
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Module 10- Lesson #3:
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I actually met with a producer about two weeks ago. She was pleasant and had read my script. She enjoyed it and stated she wanted to work with me, suggesting we begin with creating a podcast. When I explained I had written two more scripts because this work was based on a trilogy, she got excited and said she thought if the podcast was successful, it might have the potential of being picked up as a limited series. HOWEVER~ when I met with the owner of the company, it was explained I would have to pay, upfront for 6-8 episodes. When the cost came in at $6,000 per episode, and after I fainted and recovered, I had to decline. This is a reputable company and I googled and researched the producer and she is a real, successful person.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?
I was professional, answered her questions easily and having taken this class, which by the way, she was aware of and stated it is a great program! I would say it was a mutual conversation. She even asked who I would choose as the lead (protagonist) and when I told her, she stated she knew him and had worked with him, and agreed with me.
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Module #10: Marketing. Lesson #2.
What I learned- having a unique hook is something best done BEFORE the script is written.
1. Logline/Unique Hook (I hope): When a famous rock star is diagnosed with a terminal illness, he chooses to focus his last years building a legacy of love for those he left behind during his pursuit for success and create the family he never had while growing up in foster care.
2. Title: One Last Time
3. True Story: Fiction.
4. Timely: Faith-based, spiritual love story, but isn’t religious (in your face)
5. It’s a First: A unique twist where the protagonist assists a priest in leaving the church to fall in love.
6. Ultimate:
7. Wide Audience Appeal: Teens, young adults; married couples.
8. Adapted from the novel I published: Catch a Falling Star.
9. Similar Box Office Successes: The Fault in our Stars; Remember Me; The Best of Me; anything Nicholas Sparks.
10. KJ Apa as the protagonist, Michael Dolanski.
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Project & Market.
What I learned today: How little I know about marketing!
1. Genre- Drama. Title: I’ve tried various titles: Catch a Falling Star; One LAST TIME; Ohana.
Concept: When a successful star finds out he has a terminal illness, he realizes he has made selfish choices in pursuit of his own goals, instead of those he should have loved the most. As he makes an emotional journey through grieving the potential loss of his own life, he devises a plan to create a legacy of love for those he might be leaving behind.
2. Managers. Because I need assistance with developing a marketing plan and stop wasting $$ of contests that never get me past Quarter finalist.
3. What is most attractive to me is the way Michael changes. I love his character and how he subtly is working behind the scenes to elevate his friends and family, without them even being aware he is their angel.
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Lesson #18: Descriptions that Deliver:
Scene in restaurant where Russell gives Seraphine an engagement ring. He proposes. Everyone is watching, waiting, as she bolts from the room.
Housekeeping enters Michael’s hospital room and pitches the napkin with Sera’s phone number on it.
Sacramento Airport: Joe hands the blue baby bracelet back to Gina and she responds that he (meaning MICHAEL) BELONGS TO HER.
Michael & Anni on the jet, flying to Maui. He is asking her questions, taking notes. When he gets up to join DJ in the cockpit, she picks up to see what he’s been writing about her.
Pg 30: Lean description of Michael’s home on Maui.
Grocery store: Anni is distracted by a woman and infant.
Fight between Michael and ex-Gloria. She threatens to blackmail him.
While he is in Malibu, Anni sneaks into Michael’s office and discovers a secret.
What I learned is I have done extensive editing and I believe it flows well.
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Character Intros and Exits.
In short, I thought my original intro was boring. So, I wrote a whole new one that I hope works a lot better. I still think the exit is spot on! I’d share it here, but I think the lines are much improved.
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Unique Character Dialogue:
I went thru each scene to identify where there was too much dialogue and not enough subtext. Next, I read each character individually out loud, so I could ‘hear’ their voice. Not just the words, but context.
What I learned was even though I thought I’d done a pretty good job, there were times it was ‘on-the-nose’ and could benefit from either another way of saying something or didn’t need to be said at all.
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Subject: Meaningful Action.
I changed several scenes: 31, 32, 43, 45, 47, 55, 57, 58, 60, 71, 72, 73, 85, 86, 98, 113, 114, 120, 122, 127, 129.
What I learned: There many incidences where dialogue could be replaced with action. Added more subtext. I think it flows m uch better now.
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Where is Lesson #14 and #15?
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Lesson#13: Elevated Scene Structure:
Scene 47: BEGINNING: Joe goes into Michael’s bedroom and sees him packing a suitcase. He tells him he doesn’t need to pack anything to go for chemotherapy. He informs Joe he is going to Malibu after his treatment. Joe asks if Anni is aware of his plans?
MIDDLE: Michael snaps that this will probably kill him. Joe tells him to just get it over with. Michael gets pissed.
ENDING: Joe thinks Michael is worried chemo will kill him. Michael is more worried that going back to his ex, Gloria will be the death of him. When Joe picks up the turquoise necklace Michael always wears, he realizes the answer is actually a sign that he needs to find Seraphine. Suddenly Michael thanks him for solving his decision. Joe is confounded as to how he helped?
What I learned from this lesson- I’m not very good at subtext!
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Same here! Now I’m trying to do #13 and #14!
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Lesson #11 Rewrite Class:
What I learned from this assignment was: I created 13 new scenes, which I think adds to the overall flow and character structure. No major rewrites (1), But I did make changes in current scenes on 9 scenes. Also, I can now see how outlines are immensely helpful!
A. Completely new scene. #31, 33; 55; 57, 58, 60, 72, 73, 85, 86, 114, 120, 122,
B. Major rewrite of the scene. #21;
C. Changes to make the current scene work better. #33, 43, 45, 71, 97, 98, 113, 127, 129.
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i have reviewed for two people and my screenplay has been reviewed by two people. Mission accomplished! But I am willing to review for anyone else that needs help.
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Julie,
Since you and I both write drama/romance- I would love to exchange outlines with you. You can send yours to me at rhodeburn@yahoo.com. Send me your email address and I will send mine to you.
Thank you,
Rhonda Burnaugh
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Joseph, I would be happy to review for you. rhodeburn@yahoo.com. Can I send mine to you or ZhiMin Hu?
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I will review yours, ZhiMin Hu. Send to rhodeburn@yahoo.com
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Looking for someone to share outlines. My genre is drama/romance. I looked under members, but not sure who to request! Help!!
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Fascinating Scene Outlines.
What I learned from this assignment: One thing I discovered is that I use reveal a lot. A character will drop a clue, and I later provide the reveal. My genre is a drama. I have about 130 scenes. I either made changes or added something to about 20 scenes. There are a couple scenes that are completely new.
Characters:
Michael: (MC) starts out as confidant and a bit egotistical. On stage, he has an embarrassing incident when he blows blood all over the stage. (Scene 2) When he is diagnosed with cancer, his world is turned upside down.
Gloria (Antagonist)- mother of his daughter Rose. She wants him back. He trusts her with his diagnosis and surgery, which leaves him sterile. She threatens to blackmail him, if doesn’t come back to her. (Scene 45)
Seraphine: Michael’s high school sweetheart. At the concert when he hemorrhages, she comes to visit him in the hospital and they both realize they still have a spark for each other. Twist: Sera lives with Russell, who proposes to her.
Father Joe: a Catholic priest for all the wrong reasons; befriends Michael in the hospital. He has a secret and when he lies to Michael, he gets called out. But doesn’t disclose the truth.
Anni: nurse that cares for Michael and Joe’s BF. Michael asks her to come home with him as his private duty nurse. But Joe isn’t happy about losing his friend.
Internal Dilemmas: Michael must decide between Gloria and Seraphine. It becomes clear that Father Joe & Anni are attracted to each other. Anni goes to Maui with Michael. While grocery shopping, she encounters a woman with a baby girl and struggles with emotions. (Scene 30)
External Dilemmas: Michael’s sister, Gina, shares with Joe and hands him a blue baby bracelet that Michael wore when born. When she walks away, Joe realizes he is still holding on to it.
Uncomfortable Moments: Michael’s nosebleed in Scene 2; Anni changes his surgical bandages; Michael has to go on stage at the award ceremony after viewing Gloria holding a press conference and not knowing what all she told the world (Scene 57); Russell (Scene 68) shows up when they are about to go on a cruise and punches Michael in the face; Michael has an accident in bed; interactions with Rose, who wants to know if her Papa will go to Heaven.
Superior Position: Michael takes custody of Rose and brings her on the cruise, then to spend the summer with him on Maui. Despite his fear, he goes back on stage.
Major Twists: Joe shows up in Maui. He and Anni have sex in Michael’s pool. Seraphine proposes to Michael. Will Joe leave the church? Will Michael choose Gloria or Seraphine? Will Seraphine leave Russell or accept his proposal? Is Anni willing to play mistress to a priest?
Something that surprises: While Michael is away at Gloria’s, Anni is snooping in Michael’s office and discovers Rose is not his biological daughter. Gina admits (Scene 121) that she is actually Michael’s birth mother. (Scene 115). Joe finally discloses to Michael that he was driving the car that caused his father’s death and becoming a priest was his penance. After Joe is released from the church, he proposes to Anni, who surprises him with news that she is pregnant. (Scene 108) Anni shares (with Joe) that she was married and lost a baby at 8 months and that’s why her husband left her.
Mislead/Reveal: Joe is talking to Michael, who is packing suitcases. Joe tells him he doesn’t need to pack for chemotherapy. But Michael is packing to go back to Gloria. Joe tells him to just get it over with and Michael totally misunderstands his remark.
Uncertainty/Hope/Fear: Michael goes into remission (hopeful). Then he falls ill again. (lost hope). Finally, his MD tells him a clinical trial is his last chance. The future looks uncertain. Anni: afraid to risk loving again; fearful of losing her baby and Joe. Seraphine: fearful of losing the only person she ever loved. Gina- what will happen to her relationship with Michael if she tells him she lied all those years?
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Need Stronger Lead Characters: Michael, Joe, Seraphine and Anni. Weaved more of their back stories into the scenes
B. Need Stronger Character Intros: I think this has been accomplished.
C. Playing it Too Safe: That might be true. Michael could actually go back to Gloria. Sera stays with Russell and there is more of a push for them to get together.
D. Lead Characters Not Present: Only 4 scenes without a lead.
3. Knowing that any character can be rewritten many ways, solve or elevate as many of those as you can.
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Solve MAJOR PROBLEMS:
What I learned most from this lesson:
More major conflicts needed in ACT II:
Actions taken:
1. Joe – more conflicted about leaving the priesthood. Scene added to have him meet w the Bishop
2. Seraphine has 2nd thoughts about marrying Michael on her wedding day.
3. Anni gives advice to Michael on returning to Gloria.
4. Scene added where Michael attends the award ceremony and views Gloria holding a press conference. Terrified, he must go onstage, not knowing if she spilled his secrets.
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Update and Improve your Outline
What I learned from this lesson – how to give my characters more depth and more conflicts
1. Rewrote the pitch to include new scenes.
2. Now the pitch matches better with the screenplay.
3. More conflict in Sera’s decision to leave Russell; Michael doesn’t go after Sera until Act II- move that up to Act I? Does Joe have reservations about leaving the priesthood?
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Character Story Lines: 6/10/23
What I learned from this assignment- I have done a pretty good job of intertwining two stories together.
1. Start with a main character. Michael Dolanski
Beginning: Confidant and sexy idol to his fans, he struts onstage to perform
Turning Point: While singing, he suffers a massive nosebleed and passes out
Midpoint: In his hometown, Marysville, California, he is hospitalized and finds out he has testicular cancer that has spread to his lungs. He meets Father Joe and nurse Anni Cavatini. He asks her to come to his home on Maui as a private duty nurse.
Turning Point 2: He has surprise visit with his high school sweetheart, a Native American girl named Seraphine and they both realize there is still a spark between them.
Major Conflict: His ex-wife Gloria and mother to their daughter Rose, wants him back and blackmails him, stating she will spill his secret about his diagnosis and surgery, ruining his career. He must decide between his heart, his obligation to his daughter and his own fear of being exposed to the world.
Ending: He chooses Seraphine, but knows he doesn’t have much time before his death.
3. Anywhere you find a missing structure point, brainstorm possible ways you might fill that blank in.
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Antagonist: Gloria.
Beginning: Playing with her daughter, Rose, until Michael shows up at her door in Malibu, without notifying her. They have an angry confrontation, upsetting Rose.
Turning Point: Michael discloses his cancer diagnosis and she asks him to spend the night with her. But when they attempt sex, his secret comes to light, and she blackmails him.
Midpoint: Her fury mounts when he files for temporary custody and takes Rose away from her. She follows through with her threat on the night of an award ceremony when she knows he has to go onstage for the first time since the original incident.
Turning Point #2: When he relapses, she shows up at the hospital and tells him she is taking Rose with her, since he can’t care for her. Michael informs her he married Seraphine.
Major Conflict: She realizes Michael is not going to live and brings Rose to visit her daddy one last time. Upon viewing Michael, she realizes she could have never coped with his illness and impending death and makes amends with Seraphine.
Ending: She brings Rose to Maui on Christmas morning to spend time with her father, only to find out, she is too late, and Michael has died.
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Protagonist #2:
Seraphine Rosewood.
Beginning: She is at the concert when Michael blows blood all over the stage.
Turning Point: She visits him in the hospital and realizes she still loves him. However, she is living with Russell, who proposes marriage to her. She writes her phone number on a napkin and asks Michael to call her. However, the napkin gets tossed by housekeeping.
Midpoint: She leaves Russell, in order to think about her dilemma and what to do. She goes to Father Joe, who has befriended Michael and asks for his help in reaching Michael.
Turning Point #2: She is at the Indian Mound, where they first pledged their love to each other as teenagers. Michael finds her there and she decides to return to Maui with him.
Major Conflict: On their wedding day, she has second thoughts, uncertain she can fit into his world of fame and fortune. Michael assures her she is worthy of love.
Ending: On his deathbed, she tells him a story and he dies in her arms. As she spreads his ashes over the ocean on a starry night, she pledges her love, until they meet again.
NOTE: She could pledge to carry out his legacy and devote her life to his honor.
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Father Joe di Blasio:
Beginning: Talks with Anni, who is nurse supervisor for the surgical floor and must meet with Michael. He and Anni are friends.
Turning Point: When she can’t locate Michael’s doctor, she asks Joe to inform Michael that he has cancer. Joe nervously agrees and has an encounter with the moody rock star.
Midpoint: Later, he returns to apologize and in conversation with Michael, tells him he became a priest because of guilt.
Turning Point#2; He acknowledges he has feelings for Anni. He goes to Maui, at Michael’s bequest and makes love to Anni in Michael’s pool.
Major Conflict: Whether to leave the priesthood to be with Anni. Helping Michael deal with his illness.
Ending: He leaves the priesthood and marries Anni.
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Anni Cavatini
Beginning: Her job is to try and be supportive to Michael. Friend to Father Joe.
Turning Point: Going to Maui with Michael as his PD nurse.
Midpoint: After having sex with Joe, she tells him she won’t be a mistress to a priest.
Turning Point#2: Starts to fall in love w Joe, but not sure what to do. While shopping, she views a woman with a baby and becomes emotional.
Major Conflict: Joe announces he left the priesthood and asks her to marry; she informs him she is pregnant; she also tells him she was once married and lost a baby at 8 months and is afraid because she went thru depression and that’s why her husband left her.
Ending: She gives birth to a baby boy and they name him Michael Joseph di Blasio.
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Title: Catch a Faling Star
Concept: Emotional journey through terminal illness and creating a legacy for those left behind
Genre: Drama
2. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:
Example for Action:
Purpose: Facing challenges with grace and dignity; building your tribe for support; learning to trust and risking everything to love again.
Demand for Action:
Mission: Taking the chance to love before it’s too late.
Escalating Action: Michael’s sister harbors a secret; Michael wants to be with Seraphine, but she is in a relationship. His ex wants him back and is willing to blackmail him to get her way. He loves his daughter, Rose and struggles to stay connected to her. Father Joe is in the priesthood for all the wrong reasons, and Anni’s past creates obstructions to her living a full life. Joe & Anni are attracted to each other. Will he leave the priesthood for her?
Hero: Michael is the protagonist. He is also the person behind pulling them all together and creatin a legacy for each of them.
Antagonist: Gloria
3. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure. Add more subtext and beats into the act.
What I learned is that, particularly in Act II, it tends to wander and needs to rearranged and some scenes deleted to make it more concise.
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Character Profiles:
Cont:
A. Name: Father Joe
B. Role in the Story: Befriends Michael in the hospital
C. Core Traits: Catholic background, disillusioned with faith and life choices, well meaning, caring.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: He has never wanted to be a priest. What he wants is someone to love and to have a family.
E. Flaw/Wound: Guilt. Hiding behind his collar.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: He caused the death of someone and views the priesthood as his penance.
G. Internal Dilemma: Whether to leave the priesthood and follow his dreams.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Joe is in love with Anni, a nurse, who Michael spirited away to his home in Maui. While Joe thinks he is helping Michael, Michael challenges everything Joe believes.
2. Answer the questions to improve the Character Profiles.
A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? Joe is a perfect nemesis for Michael.
B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Joe is a strong character, who finally decides to leave the church. Later, he realizes Michael was behind the scene orchestrating a new life for him and Anni.
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A. Name: Anni
B. Role in the Story: Michael’s private duty nurse; Joe’s love interest.
C. Core Traits: sarcastic (like Michael), feisty Italian; guarded. Independant. Not religious!
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Since she cares for everyone as a profession, she would like to have someone she can depend on; someone who is there for her.
E. Flaw/Wound: Her mother was murdered by a lover when she was 5 yrs old and, like Michael, was raised in foster care.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: She was married before and pregnant. The baby died in her 8th month. Her husband left her when she couldn’t get past her grief.
G. Internal Dilemma: Risking to love again. (vulnerable)
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She also has feelings for Joe. More like Michael in personality, she resonates with him. She carries the heavy load for others and balances Joe.
2. Answer the questions to improve the Character Profiles.
A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? Adding her loss of a child helped round her out and give her more depth.
B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Yes. Michael gave her an assignment early on, to record the last year of his life, which she shares at the end. She also breaks free of her fear to commit and accepts Joe’s proposal.
What I learned from this assignment is that I have done a lot of homework on developing these characters and their arcs. I can still add some more, but I feel I know each of these characters and what makes them important to the story.
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Character Profiles:
1. Create Character Profiles for each of your lead characters by filling in the blanks for these eight questions.
A. Name: Michael
B. Role in the Story: Protagonist.
C. Core Traits: Stoic; underneath kind, sensitive.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: He wants to beat cancer and be loved.
E. Flaw/Wound: Abusive childhood; fear of abandonment
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: afraid someone will realize how vulnerable he is; find out his secret regarding testicular cancer surgery.
G. Internal Dilemma:trying to decide what is the right thing to do: go back to Gloria, the mother of his daughter that he doesn’t love or seek out Seraphine, his soulmate.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Michael is a successful musician with an adoring fan base, but cancer has made him vulnerable, especially to Gloria’s blackmail. Plus, he doesn’t want to hurt Rose (daughter), because he realizes the importance of feeling loved and secure, since he missed that in his own childhood.
2. Answer the questions to improve the Character Profiles.
A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? Michael lives a life that most of us will never have: gorgeous, rich, famous. He needs to find a way to give back in order to leave behind a generous legacy
B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Accepting his fate with grace, helping those around him accept that he can’t survive.
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A. Name: Seraphine
B. Role in the Story: Michael’s true love;
C. Core Traits: She is the gentle breeze of compassion and understanding that helps Michael come to terms with his illness and possible death.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Her heart has always been with Michael, even though he disappeared for years due to living in foster homes. She wants him back.
E. Flaw/Wound: She doesn’t know if she can fit into his elite world now.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: She lives with Russell, who proposes to her.
G. Internal Dilemma: Russell explains that they can have a future together, have children- all the things Michael may not be able to give her.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Her love is pure, unselfish. She is there for Michael, no matter what the outcome.
2. Answer the questions to improve the Character Profiles.
A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? More conflicted about what to do: Leave Russell or go with Michael.
B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Show her as unsure about fitting into Michael’s world; a bigger flaw or wound.
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A. Name: Gloria
B. Role in the Story: Antagonist
C. Core Traits: possessive, financially driven; manipulative; dramatic. Ego driven.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: She wants to be Michael’s arm candy. Loves the security of money. She also wants him to step up and be more of a father to Rose.
E. Flaw/Wound: Insecure. A little neurotic. Needs a guy to provide for her princess lifestyle.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: She had a boyfriend to try and make Michael jealous. When that doesn’t work, she decides to blackmail Michael and tell the world about his cancer and surgery.
G. Internal Dilemma: How to get her own needs met and be a mother to Rose.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She is the storm that threatens to rain on Michael’s happiness. If mama’s not happy; nobody’s happy.
2. Answer the questions to improve the Character Profiles.
A: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve? Make it clearer that her BF was only to make Michael jealous.
B: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Show her mothering Rose.
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Lesson#2: Structure
What I learned from this lesson is that I have a lot of turning points, but some scenes don’t add much, and can probably be deleted.
Title: Catch a Falling Star
Genre: Drama/Romance
Concept: Not sure what that means??
Main conflict: Michael (protagonist) must create a legacy for his loved ones before his death, which means sacrificing a life of fame, and choosing who he wants to bring with him on his journey.
Act 1:
Opening: Michael and DJ prepare to go onstage to perform in concert.
Incident: Michael suffers a massive nosebleed on stage. In the crowd, he spies Seraphine, his high school sweetheart.
Turning Point: He is hospitalized and diagnosed with Stage IV cancer.
Act 2:
New plan: Decides to have the biopsy, but not sure about chemo and radiation. Mostly focused on finding Seraphine.
Plan in action: Asks the nurse (Anni) who is caring for him to come to his home in Maui as a private duty nurse. He does NOT want his sister, Gina coming there.
Midpoint Turning Point: He realizes a priest, Father Joe at hospital has a crush on Anni. He also wants more of a connection with his 5 y/o daughter, but that would include Gloria, and they do not get along. Back to thoughts of Seraphine- is she even available? Does she still love him? He tells Joe that he needs to come to Maui- Anni needs him.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Rose wants her daddy to come home. He agrees to spend the night with Gloria, who threatens to embarrass him publicly to his fans and blackmail him, when she finds out the cancer started in a testicle, which he had removed.
New plan: Seraphine is engaged. Will she leave Russell to be with him? He decides to go to Marysville to find her.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Sera shares that she loves him and leaves Russell. Russell says it’s not over. He wants her back, but she goes with Michael. Chemo is dreadful and he becomes very ill with side effects. Plus, he has to perform on stage, and Gloria takes that moment to hold a press conference, on the biggest night of his career.
Act 4:
Climax: They go on a cruise, but before boarding, Russell shows up and punches Michael in the mouth. Michael explains to Rose why Daddy won’t be living with Mommy. Seraphine proposes and Michael accepts. Joe tells Anni he is leaving the priesthood to be with her.
Ultimate expression of the conflict: Michael is no longer in remission, and after trying everything realizes there is no hope. He has to let Rose has to go back to live with Gloria.
Resolution: Joe proposes and Anni informs him she is pregnant. Gina finally shares that she is Michael’s mother, not his sister. Michael records his last song and all the proceeds are set up for a charity for children who have lost a parent and for grieving families. He makes sure everyone, his created family (Ohana), will be financially stable for life. He dies on Christmas morning, in the arms of Seraphine, with his family surrounding him. Gloria and Rose arrive, too late, but are welcomed.
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When an aspiring musician is diagnosed with cancer, he becomes determined to create a meaningful legacy for those whom he might leave behind.
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I’m Rhonda Burnaugh. I’ve written 4 screenplays based on novels I have self-published. My main focus has been on 2 of scripts, which I believe have the best potential of success. However, I seem to never get above an honorable mention or semi-finalist in contests. Clearly, I need to elevate my writing skills. Recently, I retired from working as a psychiatric nurse and moved to Clearwater, Florida. Glad to be here!
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I agree to the terms of the contract.
Rhonda Burnaugh
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I, Rhonda Burnaugh, agree to the terms of this release form.
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It’s hard for me to attend because of being on EST and I work as a nurse during the day. Is this recorded so I can listen to the class? Thank you
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Hey there! I’m Rhonda and I have self published 5 novels and have turned 4 of them into screenplays. I don’t think it’s weird, but I’m kind of a psychic and often dream something that comes true. I’ve had several encounters with spirits, but most of them are harmless. Anyway, my work has nothing to do with any of that stuff. Mostly I create psychological thrillers, with a spiritual perspective and a balance of romance.
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I agree to the terms set forth in the agreement
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Yes Julie! Tell me where to send mine to you. Then send yours to me at rhodeburn@yahoo.com