Roger Stone
Forum Replies Created
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Roger Stone’s QUERY LETTER (DRAFT TWO)
What I learned is how to write a query letter with HOOKS AND WHITE SPACE.
OPENING HOOK:
Sometimes it takes the alien next door to save your world.
SYNOPSIS:
My Young Adult novel, titled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW: The Power of Zap, is set in Bishop, California, in 2008. Just turning fourteen, Robi (not Robin which she hates), decides it’s time to start standing up for herself. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a Special Needs, 16 year old boy, who’s moved there to search for his missing dad– a UFO pilot that got shot down by the Army.
When the school bully threatens Spaceman, Robi stands up for him and causes the bully to unexplainably disappear.
The racist county sheriff – the bully’s father – pins his son’s sudden disappearance on her and Spaceman forcing them to go on the run.
In the end, the Sheriff and his partner – a delusional Army Colonel who’s behind everything – unexplainably disappear thanks to Robi and her new-found confidence.
REQUEST:
Spaceman and The Freakshow is an expanded version of my published short story with the same title. I believe it could easily be adapted into a coming-of-age feature screenplay, which I would love to write.
MY BIO:
I’m Roger Stone and an optioned and produced screenwriter.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
(818)601-4586
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Shall we critique each other’s query letters, Margaret?
I’m Roger Stone.
1. I don’t write in this genre, but you have an interesting first line. Heaven Can Wait is a fave.
2. Interesting character? Yes.
3. Yes, although I had to read it several times to understand where the story is going.
4. Ending hook? It’s kind of what is expected.
5. Any parts confusing? See #3
6. Suggestions? Make the ending a surprise.
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Roger Stone’s QUERY LETTER (DRAFT ONE)
What I learned is how to write a query letter with HOOKS AND WHITE SPACE.
OPENING HOOK:
Sometimes it takes the alien next door to save your world.
SYNOPSIS:
My Young Adult novel, titled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW: The Power of Zap, is set in Bishop, California, in 2008, Leap Year. Just turning fourteen, Robi (not Robin which she hates), decides she’s old enough to stop being a wimp. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a Special Needs, 16 year old boy, who’s moved there to search for his missing daddy– a UFO pilot that got shot down by the Army.
When the school bully threatens Spaceman, Robi stands up for him, and causes the bully to unexplainably disappear.
Since the bully’s father is the county sheriff and biased against Robi over a prior incident, he pins his son’s sudden disappearance on her. Robi suspects Spaceman could be an alien with special powers.
Fearing arrest, Robi goes on the run taking Spaceman with her. It leads them to following an Army truck carrying his daddy’s UFO, escaping alien bots, and reconnecting with her own dad and most importantly learning she was adopted.
But it’s not Robi the sheriff is after—it’s Spaceman. The sheriff is notorious for arresting foreigners then “renting” them to businesses such as the Cattle Ranch, a rarely-used Army Outpost near town. The Colonel, the soon-to-be-retired commander of the base, has been holding Spaceman’s missing daddy captive and can now use Spaceman to force his daddy into weaponizing his UFO.
The Colonel plans on destroying a transport filled with aliens escaping their plague-ridden Dimension, in a delusional effort to be promoted and named Commander of the Army Space Force.
In the end, Spaceman and his daddy are saved when an earthquake hits and results in the Colonel and the sheriff unexplainably disappearing. We think Spaceman did it, but in a final twist, we realize it’s Robi. She’s stopped thinking of herself as a wimp and blocking out who she really is— a half-alien, half-human with the Power of Zap.
REQUEST:
Spaceman and The Freakshow is an expanded version of my published short story with the same title. I believe it could easily be adapted into a coming-of-age feature screenplay, which I would love to write.
MY BIO:
I’m Roger Stone and an optioned and produced screenwriter.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
(818)601-4586
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Roger Stone’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is to give only hooks.
1.I’m an optioned and produced screenwriter.
2.My YA Coming-of-age novel is titled Spaceman and the Freakshow.
3.A 14 year old social misfit helps her Hispanic new neighbor – a Special Needs, high school boy – search for his missing father, a UFO pilot that was shot down by the US Army.
4.
Budget range: 5-10mil
Actors in lead roles:
Kids would be from Netflix shows like Stranger Things. Adults would be identifiable character actors like in Juno and Little Miss Sunshine.
The Acts of the story:
· FIRST: Robi, not Robin which she hates, finds out her Special Needs new neighbor thinks his missing dad is a UFO pilot that was shot down by the US Army. At school, a bully threatens him causing an earthquake to hit and the bully to disappear. Robi is accused of being an alien and zapping the bully, but she knows Spaceman is an alien and did it. The sheriff is the bully’s father and wants Robi arrested.
· SECOND: Robi and Spaceman go on the run which leads to Robi reconnecting with her own dad.
· THIRD: The sheriff arrests Spaceman and takes him to the Army Outpost where his missing dad is jailed. The Colonel, the commander of the Outpost, uses Spaceman to force the dad into weaponizing his UFO.
How does it end:
The Colonel’s plan to destroy an alien transport is foiled when he and the sheriff get zapped and disappear. This is when Robi finally realizes and accepts herself as to who she really is– an alien with the Power of Zap.
My Credibility: Produced screenwriter.
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Roger Stone’s Query Letter
What I learned is how to write a query letter, which was new to me.
OPENING HOOK:
Sometimes it takes the alien next door to save your world.
SYNOPSIS:
My YA novel, titled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW, is set in Bishop, California, in 2008, Leap Year. The lead character, Robi (not Robin which she hates), is a social misfit who on the eve of her 14the birthday decides she’s old enough to start standing up for herself. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a germophobic, Special Needs high school boy who’s come to search for his missing daddy– a UFO pilot that got shot down by the Army years ago.
Robi assumes he’s mental and avoids him. But when the school bully threatens Spaceman, she stands up for him and the bully unexplainably disappears. Robi suspects that Spaceman has a special power and is just pretending to be a retard.
The bully’s father is the county sheriff who’s biased against Robi over a past event and pins the whole thing on her. Robi goes on the run and takes Spaceman with her convincing him they’re going to find out what happened to his missing daddy. It leads to her reconnecting with her own dad.
Then Spaceman is arrested by the sheriff who’s notorious for arresting foreigners then “renting” them to businesses. He takes Spaceman to the Colonel, the Army Outpost’s delusional commander.
Spaceman is used to force his no-longer-missing daddy to finish weaponizing his UFO so the Colonel can wreak havoc on aliens escaping from their plague-ridden Dimension. The Colonel wants to be named Commander of the futuristic Army Space Force.
In the end, the Colonel’s plot is foiled and Spaceman is saved when an earthquake hits and both the Colonel and the sheriff unexplainably disappear. Robi thinks it’s Spaceman again, but in a final twist Spaceman convinces her to accept what’s he’s always known— that Robi’s an alien herself with the Power of Zap.
REQUEST:
Spaceman and The Freakshow is an expanded version of my short story of the same title published last year in the online journal, Broadswords and Blasters. I believe it could easily be adapted into a coming-of-age feature screenplay, which I would love to write.
MY BIO:
I’m Roger Stone and an optioned and produced screenwriter.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
(818)601-4586
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Roger Stone’s Hook Synopsis Assignment
What I learned is that there is a terrific new way to write the dreaded synopsis.
I used a Unique Title, a female Teen Hero, a Unique Story with Wide Audience Appeal, a Unique Villain, Act Breaks, and Surprises.
My YA novel is entitled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW. My lead character, Robi (not Robin which she hates) is a 14 year-old social misfit who decides she’s old enough to stop being a wimp and stand up for herself. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a germophobic, Special Needs high school kid who tells her that he’s there to search for his missing daddy, a UFO pilot that got shot down and is part of a cover-up by the Army. When the school bully calls him a retard, Robi stands up for him and gets threatened. An earthquake hits and the bully mysteriously disappears. It’s so sudden and weird that Robi suspects Spaceman did it, that he’s an alien with the Power of Zap. But most everyone else thinks Robi, the Freakshow, did it. Unfortunately, the local sheriff is big on conspiracy theories and thinks the same thing. And he’s the bully’s father.
The Act 1 Break is here.
Fearing being sent to juvie for life, a paranoid Robi convinces Spaceman to go on the run with her while trying to find out what happened to his daddy. Then spotting his UFO being moved to Edwards Air Force Base, they follow it– hitching a ride, avoiding the Highway Patrol, and getting chased by Bots sent by who? They discover the truck is not going to Edwards but to a nearby Army Outpost where Robi’s dad used to work as an engineer. She knows he can help them get inside, but she told everyone he’d died when her parents divorced. She hates liars, but now she has to confess to Spaceman that he’s alive. She reconnects with her dad, whose new partner is surprisingly another man. An even bigger surprise is when she learns she was adopted– the child her dad had with his old college sweetheart. Since he was married at the time, her mom was so embarrassed she demanded no one tell Robi the truth. Robi also learns from her dad that the CR logo on the Bots’ caps chasing them referred to the Cattle Ranch, the other name for the Army Outpost. Then Spaceman gets arrested by the sheriff but is not taken to jail. Since rumors have it that the sheriff rents out the foreigners he arrests to the Colonel, they figure Spaceman was taken to the Outpost. Once there, they discover Spaceman’s daddy is actually alive and jailed in the brig, Spaceman being used to blackmail him into weaponizing his UFO which is also there. The Colonel’s plan is to destroy a final shipment of aliens moving to our Dimension, escaping their own plague-ridden Dimension. The delusional Colonel thinks it will appear as if he’s preventing an alien invasion and be named Commander of the futuristic Army Space Force. Spaceman is saved when the Colonel’s plan is foiled at the last moment– an earthquake hits and both the Colonel and the sheriff get zapped while Spaceman is saved. Robi thinks it’s Spaceman using his Power of Zap again but in a final twist is convinced to stop lying to herself and blocking from her memory that it’s actually her—that she’s the alien with the Power of Zap.
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Roger Stone’s High Concept and Elevator Pitches
What I learned is how concise I can actually make the pitch.
High Concept Pitch:
I’m finishing up a YA Sci-fi novel entitled “Spaceman and the Freakshow” about a 14 year-old girl who helps her new neighbor search for his missing dad who could be an alien.
Elevator Pitch: same as above.
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What I learned most is that I’ve got more interesting things to draw from than I thought.
Roger Stone’s 10 Most Interesting Things
1A. Unique Villain– corrupt County Sheriff who is the father of the star quarterback on school football team and big bully.
Unique Hero– 14 year-old girl who hates football players and calls them Moronics.
B. Major Hook– Hero’s new neighbor, a mildly autistic Special Needs Latino boy, thinks his missing dad is the pilot of a UFO that got shot down.
C. Turning Point– an earthquake hits the school just as the bully is threatening the hero and the bully disappears into thin air.
D. Emotional Dilemma– the bully’s dad, the Sheriff, thinks the hero is somehow responsible for his son gone missing, but the hero thinks it’s really her new neighbor whom she suspects is an alien with the power to make people disappear. She’s torn about ratting him out to the corrupt Sheriff.
E. Major Twists– County Sheriff is corrupt, known for arresting foreigners in order to rent them out as slave labor.
F. Reversals– Ageing Army Colonel is in cahoots with corrupt Sheriff in plot to build a fleet of UFOs and become commander of future Space Force.
G. Character Betrayals–
H. Big Surprises– Hero discovers she was adopted and parents didn’t tell her.
2. Other Things of Interest– Hero is just turning 14 and decides not to be a wimp anymore.
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Roger Stone’s Producer and Manager lesson
My project’s logline to a Producer: A 14 year-old girl helps her neighbor search for his missing dad– the pilot of a UFO that got shot down.
My Project’s logline to a Manager: A 14 year-old Piute Indian girl helps her new neighbor find his missing dad – a UFO pilot – and brings down a corrupt County Sheriff in the process.
What I learned today is Producers need to hear a logline that is High Concept.
Managers need to hear a good story.
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Roger Stone’s Marketing Components are Unique Story and Wide Audience Appeal
What I learned was how important it is to narrow down my hook in order to incorporate it in my pitch.
Current Logline: 14 year-old social misfit tries to prove her neighbor is actually an alien.
Components: Unique Story is Timely with Wide Audience Appeal
Since UFOs are a timely subject, I should emphasize that my lead character is a teenage girl who gets involved in searching for a crashed UFO.
Maybe I should change my title from Spaceman and the Freakshow to My Neighbor’s Dad is a UFO pilot.
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TITLE– Spaceman and the Freakshow; GENRE– Young Adult Sci Fi; CONCEPT– 14 year-old
social misfit tries to prove her new neighbor is an alien.
I think the most attractive thing is the lead character’s personality.
I’ll take it to Producers who have made YA movies before.
What I learned today is to think like a Producer
Roger Stone Project. TITLE– Spaceman and the Freakshow; GENRE– Young Adult Sci Fi; CONCEPT– 14 year-old social misfit tries to prove her new neighbor is an alien.
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Hola everyone. I’m Roger Stone (not the evil one in DC)
i’ve written a lot of scripts and was lucky enough to have a few produced.
I’m getting ready to start finding a book publisher or agent to represent me and my YA novel. I’m hopeful this class will help me in this process.
I came to Hollywood as a songwriter/lyricist.
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Roger Stone
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