Richard McMahon
Forum Replies Created
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Hi, my is Richard McMahon. I have written over a dozen feature-length scripts.
While I have had nothing produced; I have had several options. been paid for a rewrite and was awarded a four-figure script development grant from my local film board.
Having my family life (wife, two young children) destroy my energy for the last eight years, I now hope to get back into a writing routine and I know this course will help me get back into the groove but make my writing more solid.
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I, Richard McMahon, agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi everyone,
Would love to partner up with anyone still looking a partner. I should have a first draft done in ten days.
Let me know here or by private message, thanks!
Richard
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Richard’s Conflict
What I learned doing this assignment was… put your characters in difficult situations and let the drama unfold. Making every scene in the script as dramatic as possible will be difficult.
Setup
Our group of characters are alone in the castle, surrounded by the English army. There is no chance of escape and the English have told them they will pardon the one remaining character – the last one standing after they kill one another.
Shane is going to meet Illeana, knowing that she is holding a secret from him.
INT. TORY CASTLE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Illeana sits on the hard floor. This is the weakest we have seen her.
The door opens. A perturbed Shane enters, closes the door and moves toward her.
He can’t say anything. They lock eyes.
ILLEANA
Have you come to kill me?
SHANE
We all risked our lives so you could escape!
ILLEANA
I fight and die with my people.
She turns away from him.
SHANE
Your people are all but destroyed!
ILLEANA
I couldn’t turn my back. Not on you. Not on us.
Shane lowers himself in front of Illeana.
SHANE
Are you with child?
That question gets her attention. Her mouth trembles.
Shane grabs a hold of her face.
SHANE
I asked you a question.
As quick as a flash, she retrieves a dagger from her boot, holds it to Shane’s throat.
ILLEANA
And if you want an answer, you had better get your fucking hand off me.
Shane releases his hand. She lowers the dagger.
SHANE
Is it true?
Illeana weeps. He knows her reaction is acknowledgment.
Shane can’t hide the anger anymore, he gets up and trashes what he can in the room.
ILLEANA
Stop. Stop!
He does. Stares her down.
SHANE
You and our child could be safe on the mainland by now!
ILLEANA
And what sort of live would we have without you!
SHANE
One where you are not dead.
She can’t respond.
SHANE
Do your brothers know?
She shakes her head.
SHANE
I will negotiate your release in the morning.
ILLEANA
They will kill you.
SHANE
What choice do I have?
ILLEANA
You will kill my brothers. That will appease the English.
SHANE
And then you will kill me.
ILLEANA
What?
SHANE
What sort of a man, a father, wouldn’t sacrifice himself for his family?
ILLEANA
You have to survive this for our country.
Shane bites his tongue, moves toward the door.
SHANE
You have left me no choice.
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Richard’s Dramatic Choices
What I learnt doing this process… I’ve always loved this movie. But I just didn’t appreciate how tight a first act this was – all the characters introduced. The plot thickens with every scene, we see how all the characters will interact and cross paths. The pace is excellent. The writer keeps up the drama while lining every scene with plot and character development… and also building/deepening the storyline.
Movie: Snatch (2000)
Turkish and Tommy sitting in front of an unknown person. We learn he is a boxing promoter and that he and Tommy are like brothers but also play in dark circles. Turkish tells us he knows nothing about diamonds.
Diamond store heist in Antwerp. Four robbers, dressed in Jewish attire, known by the owners of diamond exchange. They are after ‘the stone’ which we find out to be a huge diamond.
We are introduced to multiple characters through montage, signaling that this is a much bigger operation than we thought. Also, many more characters will get involved in this plot.
We find out Turkish promotes unlicensed boxing fights. He isn’t very successful as his office is a rundown caravan. He sends Tommy to buy a new caravan from a traveller’s campsite. We find out Tommy hates ‘Pikies’.
We find out they deal with Boris The Blade, a man that can get his hands on everything. Tommy bought a gun off him. Our protagonists are getting deeper into a world we believe they aren’t prepared for.
We meet Bricktop – the main man in unlicensed boxing. While watching one of his boxers he grills two of his henchmen. We learn he likes to feed his victims to pigs.
Turkish tells us that you can’t get into Bricktop’s debt.
One of the diamond store robbers double-crosses Frankie Four-Fingers and tells Boris how to find him. But he should hire someone else to steal the diamond so the Americans can’t trace it back to them.
The diamond is 86 carots. We meet Avi, an American interested in Diamonds. He gives him instructions on what to do with the diamond and that he should stay away from gambling.
We meet Doug the Head – who deals with stolen gems.
Frankie meets Doug and buys a gun. He won’t charge him but does want Frankie to put a bet on the unlicensed boxing.
Tommy and a bodyguard go to campsite, looking for Mickey O’Neill to buy the caravan. They buy the caravan, and get a new pet dog, but as they are towing the caravan away, the wheels fall off.
Tommy tries to get his money back. Mickey will fight the bodyguard and will give the money back if he loses a fight.
They fight. Mickey gets beat up a little, then knocks out George with one punch. We find out Mickey is a bare-knuckle boxing champion.
We are introduced to another set of characters that will get involved in the plot. Vince and Saul. Vince has a dog that he got from the Pikies.
Boris comes in and offers them the job to steal the briefcase with the diamond in it.
Vince, Saul and their friend Tyrone, get ready to go steal the briefcase. Vince has brought a shotgun for the heist.
It will happen at the bookies. They arrive the same time as Frankie. Tyrone reverses his car into Frankie’s van, locking him inside.
Tommy tells Turkish about what happened at the campsite. George will now not be able to compete in the boxing fight, bringing our two boys into conflict with Bricktop. They decide to use Mickey to replace George in the boxing fight.
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Richard’s Translated Characters
What I’ve learned is… doing these lessons is creating more depth to my characters. I am thinking about them now on different levels, and when you know your characters better, they will be stronger from the very first scene they are in.
Situation: Illeana finally tells Shane that she is pregnant with his child, right before the English land on the island.
Shane –
Role – protagonist
Age range and description – 30s, warrior.
What might a loyal person do or say?
Core trait A – Loyalty
To do everything in his power to have his partner and unborn child survive this situation.
Sacrifice himself for their survival.
Core trait B – Fearless
Promises her that all of them are getting out of this situation alive.
Core trait C – Tactful
That he will make sure they escape under the cover of darkness.
That the situation is not as bad as it looks.
Core Trait D – Natural born leader
Convinces her everything is alright.
He takes in the information, then immediately focuses on getting them out of this situation.
Character Subtext
Tactful – underplays the increasingly dangerous situation they find themselves in.
Tries to convince her that freedom is only hours away.
That they will negotiate with the English for their freedom. Even if he must sacrifice himself.
Motivation; Want/need
Want: he wants the English out of Ireland.
Need: he needs peace in his life.
Now he wants and needs the safe passage of his partner and child.
Unique/special
While his instincts have always been war, he now understands there is more to life.
Character Logline
Illeana
Protagonist, ensemble – 30s, warrior, better heir to her clan than her brothers.
Core Trait A
Amazonian
That if she gives birth to a son, he will be future leader.
That she will still fight to protect her child.
Will having the child detract from her standing.
Will she lose the will to fight to raise her child.
Core trait B
Diplomatic
That she can use the situation to appeal to the English for leniency.
That she can use the situation to save herself.
Will the others sacrifice themselves to save her child.
Core Trait C
Scheming
Use the pregnancy to her advantage, playing on others’ emotions.
That this child will be future leader, she must always protect herself.
Kill her loved ones to give her child a future.
Core Trait D
Sexual
Using her sexuality to help sway the minds of others.
Play on the importance of women in society.
2. Want/Need:
She wants to rule. Needs Shane and a family.
This baby could be an option for future power if she can escape this situation.
Will she sacrifice her true love, and partner for her own future.
Special:
She equals any man on both the battlefield and politics.
With the situation, will the child take away from her own ambitions and what she wants to achieve.
Character Logline:
Unable to rule due to tradition, the only daughter of a fallen clan chief schemes with whomever she can to rid the world of her male siblings and offer a brighter future for her unborn child.
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Richard’s Character Chemistry
What have I learned from this assignment… thinking about the relationships and the depth of the relationships besides the main character will help creatre better scenes in the first draft. I know their wants, and how they will play off one another much better now.
List your character names/roles as couples
Shane/Illena
A. Common ground / similarities.
In a sexual relationship. Both the favorites of clan chief. She is pregnant with his baby.
B. Differences that create conflict.
She is female. He has views that don’t reflect her’s.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
Both want the same for their future, the survival and progress of their people. Both prepared to use different tactics to get there.
D. Need fulfillment
Both want to be together. The situation they are in prohibits it.
Shane/Malachi
A. Common ground / similarities.
Both military leaders of their men. Life-long friends.
B. Differences that create conflict.
Shane wants the diplomatic way out of situations. Malachi will use force.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
Survival is the game for them. Leadership of the people awaits. Only one can survive.
D. Need fulfillment
Both need to survive as they feel they are the only one that can lead their people forward.
Malachi/Illena
A. Common ground / similarities.
Brother/sister.
B. Differences that create conflict.
She is head strong – and has the respect of everyone that Malachi craves.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
Survival. But Illena wants another leader than her older brother.
D. Need fulfillment
They both genuinely want what they believe is the best for their country.
Simon/Gavin
A. Common ground / similarities.
They are twins.
B. Differences that create conflict.
Who they believe should be leader.
B. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
As above.
C. Need fulfillment
To see Ireland united and victorious.
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Richard’s Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is… a strong, and straightforward, character arc keeps potential readers interested. People want to see change in others.
Issue, Challenges, and Transformation
Issue/fear
That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Challenges
– Watching others make bad decisions, even through it hinders all their progress.
– Having his people want him to lead and doing what he believes is the right thing to do by promoting the leadership claims of the next-in-line.
– Having to speak out when situations call for it.
– Looking for diplomatic answers when none will do.
– When to take matters into his own hands.
– Watching his loved ones die needlessly.
– Having to kill his own countryman.
Transformation
He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a stronger country.
From following orders he disagreed with to actually killing the man, his own countryman, that is hindering progress.
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Richard’s Characters Live!
What I learned from this is… is that it helps to use all available character tools to project your characters. Even small things like bystander reactions can project traits of your character.
EXT. HILLTOP – MORNING
A dozen men stand around the kneeled and bloodied TRAITOR, arguing amongst themselves.
The voices lower to silence as a warhorse comes to a fast halt in front of Traitor.
A Husky, heavily bearded unit, MALACHI O’DOHERTY (30s), dismounts and steps forward. As he stares down the men you can’t help thinking unhinged but somewhat focused.
As he stares at Traitor and steps closer, the other men back-step.
TRAITOR
I beg of you, O’Doherty. I killed the Englishman at Derry. Seven of them!
Malachi stares at a set of twins, GAVIN and SIMON O’DOHERTY (late 20s). Through and through feral warriors.
GAVIN
Too much chatter.
SIMON
Even his wife, the whore, thinks so.
Spits on Traitor.
Shane arrives.
Gavin punches Traitor, whose nose cracks and blood pours.
MALACHI
You led this man against Derry, Shane?
A sympathetic Shane and Traitor lock eyes.
SHANE
Aye.
Malachi waits for more communication…
MALACHI
And?
SHANE
And what?
MALACHI
Did he kill seven Englishmen?
SHANE
That he did.
Malachi getting frustrated.
MALACHI
Do you think he’s a traitor?
SHANE
He’ll be shamed forever.
VOICE FROM CROWD
Kill him!
Only one other man brave enough to shout his agreement.
Malachi glances at a few of his men, then at Shane.
Shane’s stone-face offers no suggestions.
ANOTHER VOICE IN CROWD
Kill the traitorous bastard!
A few more men voice their agreement.
Malachi’s confliction displayed by his lack of action.
Again, he and Shane lock eyes.
Shane’s expression has not changed.
Malachi still hesitant. His two younger brothers nod their agreement to the killing… but Malachi still takes in the situation.
CAHIR
Kill him.
All eyes fall onto clan leader CAHIR O’DOHERTY (60s). Both he and his horse more presentable than the rest of the men.
They were the words Malachi was waiting for. He steps forward, retrieves a dagger from his sleeve and slices Traitor’s throat.
He looks over his men.
MALACHI
Let that be a message to all!
Shane starts to walk away before Malachi even finishes the sentence.
CAHIR
To the front-line.
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Richard’s Dueling Agendas
What did you learn from this assignment… that preparation, and thinking on many levels, is key to decent writing.
Select two characters with competing agendas in a scene. List their names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
Shane and Illena.
Name: Shane
Traits:Loyalty
Fearless
Tactful
Natural born leader
Subtext: TactfulName: Illena
Traits:Amazonian
Diplomatic
Scheming
Sexual
Subtext: Scheming
INT. WAR TENT – MORNING
Makeshift with basic amenities.
SHANE (30s, chiseled but worn) ready for war, stands in the middle of the space. He stares at
ILEANA (late 20s, chiseled but worn) as she splashes water on her face.
Her jeweled hand moves across her midsection.
DISTANT SHOUTING AND MOVEMENT OF TWO LARGE ARMIES.
Ileana vomits a small amount of fluid into the bowl, which forms a near symmetrical pattern on the water.
SHANE
I know that feeling.
Ileana lifts armor off the ground and affixes it.
ILEANA
It’s perfectly normal.
SHANE
Aye, that it is.
He steps toward her.
Ileana glances toward him as she ties back her hair.
ILEANA
Now’s not the time.
Shane stops.
Ileana picks up her sword, examines and then sheaths it like the veteran she is.
SHANE
I want you by your father at all times. He is not to enter the battlefield.
Ileana is dismissive with both facial and body language. She steps right in front of him.
ILEANA
And let my brothers have all the fun?… I’ll protect my father. And when you slaughter those English bastards like the pigs they are, I may let you fuck me all night.
Wanting eyes from Shane.
ILEANA
Or maybe you protect my father, I’ll slaughter those English bastards like the pigs they are, and then I will fuck you all night.
The directness results in a small smirk on Shane’s face.
SHANE
If my men hear you talk like that, they’ll lose their respect for me.
ILEANA
If only my brothers had their respect.
SHANE
They will in time.
He grabs Ileana and kisses her passionately.
LOUDER SHOUTING AND MOVEMENT OF THE TWO LARGE ARMIES.
She pushes him off.
ILEANA
Stay focused.
SHANE
And you protect your father.
They lovingly embrace.
SHANE
(whispering)
Be safe.
ILEANA
You too.
Shane releases his grip, turns and exits.
Ileana’s stomach cramps.
More vomit is released.
Ileana wipes her mouth and leaves in a manner that suggests she is not in the mood for protecting today.
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Richard’s Subtext and Loglines
What I learned doing this assignment is… such a straightforward exercise that broadens my characters. Indeed another layer to them. And I hope this makes them much more appealing to future readers.
Name: Shane
Traits:
Loyalty
Fearless
Tactful
Natural born leader
Subtext: Tactful
Character Logline: Knowing he is the true leader of the people, a tactful warrior must do everything in his power to keep tradition alive and support the new, ineffective and hated, clan chief.
Possible areas of subtext:
Lying to others when he should know better. Defending the indefensible. Questioning tradition and culture.
Name: Illena
Traits:
Amazonian
Diplomatic
Scheming
Sexual
Subtext: Scheming
Character Logline: Unable to rule due to tradition, the only daughter of a fallen clan chief schemes with whomever she can to rid the world of her male siblings.
Possible areas of subtext: With non-related characters to kill brothers. With her lover, who is a life-long family friend. Putting her brothers in danger through lies.
Name: Malachi
Traits:
Aggressive
Intimidated
Mouth works before brain
Short-sighted
Subtext: Intimidation
Character Logline:
Born to rule, the eldest son of a fallen clan chief must ignore his inner failings and portray a fearless leader to those that know the true person.
Possible areas of subtext:
In all his actions
and conversations -
Richard’s Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… as I have stated many times before when asked this question, this detailed preparation is helping my world become clearer, deeper and stronger.
Character Name: Shane
Basic character traits:
Loyalty
Fearless
Honest
Natural born leader
Want/Need:
He wants the English out of Ireland. He needs peace in his life.
Paradoxes (Warring elements)
While he dreams of peace, he is his country’s most fierce killer.
Secret:
His bloodthirst at the battle of Derry.
Flaw:
Putting others first.
Special:
Has the respect of all those around him. Even his enemies.
Character Name: Illena
Basic character traits:
Amazonian
Diplomatic
Wise
Sexual
Want/Need:
She wants to rule. Needs Shane and a family.
Paradoxes: (Warring elements)
Around Shane she is a kitten. Everyone else gets the tiger.
Secret:
She is pregnant with Shane’s baby.
Flaw:
Blinded by love.
Special:
She equals any man on both the battlefield and politics.
Character Name: Malachi
Basic character traits:
Aggressive
Hotheaded
Mouth works before brain
Short-sighted
Want/Need:
Wants to be ruler. Needs to be respected.
Paradoxes (Warring elements)
Wants to lead. Zero leadership qualities apart from fear and force.
Secret:
He’s been negotiating with the English.
Flaw:
Psychopath
Special:
Just that he was the first born of the right father.
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feedback being exchanged with another member through the message system.
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Richard’s Pass 10: Essence Only (in the first line)
What I learned is… is that my essence outline is almost done. But I have to move forward before I fall too far behind. I believe I will have this completed in the next two days.
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Richard’s Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate
What I learned doing this is… is that I am way behind in this course. I know my outline; I have already improved scenes… I will exchange feedback with another member of the group, but as of right now I am so far behind I must power on and cheat a little with these next few assignments.
As my script is set in one location for the second half of the script there isn’t much room for me to change the story that much – however, my kill sequence for the characters may change before commencing the first draft… but that decision is for another day. And I’m sure I will change my mind a few more times on that, too.
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Richard’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is… I really must get an outline together for the first draft that will contain every scene. More than three quarters of my script is set in the one location, so I don’t have much room to play with in that regards. This lesson will help make scenes stronger, though. I just feel this has come a bit early for my process. But better start thinking about it now, than question myself later.
First, go through your outline and identify any scenes that you’ve seen in another movie or that feel familiar. Make sure you are rigorous about this.
Any scene that you’ve seen before gets flagged.– The other Irish clans betraying our clan/leaving the battlefield
– The fight for power in the forest
– The English General being killed by Captain
– The slaughtering of the local islanders
– The killing of the Captain
CHOSEN SCENE: The fight/fist fight for power in the forest
What are you trying to accomplish with that scene?
PURPOSE: I am trying to accomplish that even though the oldest O’Doherty is the rightful chief of the clan through succession, he does not have the support of his people. Shane, who does have the support of the people, will not break with tradition, even if it is to their detriment.
This fight is between Pearse and the oldest O’Doherty, who has taken control of the clan following the death of his father in the first battle scene. Shane, who has been a loyal clansman to the O’Dohertys his whole life will not get involved, but also lets the fight go as he uses it to convey to the eldest O’Doherty that he needs to get his foot out of his ass and become a better leader.
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
– A conversation between Shane and the eldest O’Doherty that will broadcast his issues, but will also show their deep bond, strengthening both characters and making their fight in the third act more dramatic.
– Shane could fight the oldest O’Doherty – although I think this will be too early in the script for Shane’s transformation.
– The people could vote Shane the leader, but he steps up and shoots the plan down. Saying that the eldest O’Doherty must take the lead. It’s vital for the future of their country.
– The eldest O’Doherty addresses the group, tells them he understands their concerns, but they must stick together.
– His leadership is questioned, and he kills a background character to show he will rule by force.
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection.
The people could vote Shane the leader, but he steps up and shoots the plan down. Saying that the eldest O’Doherty must take the lead. It’s vital for the future of their country.
I like this scene better, even though it sounds cliched! We are dealing with 17<sup>th</sup> century Ireland here – the people did not get a say. It shows that they are progressing as a group, even if they are not sophisticated and cultured like the English. It foreshadows change. It strengthens Shane’s character as the unwilling and reluctant leader.
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Richard’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is… all the lessons continue to add depth to the story and characters. It is really motivating me to start the first draft, which, I believed, will be much stronger than what I felt it was just a month ago.
SP CHAIN 1: Elena’s Pregnancy
Setup: We see Elena displaying signs of an early pregnancy. Rubbing stomach/vomiting
Payoff 1: Leif confirms her pregnancy.
Payoff 2: A kick. That precious moment a mother feels her first kick.
Payoff 3: Leif tells Shane
Payoff 4: Shane talks to Elana
Payoff 5: Does the baby have as future?
SP CHAIN 2: The main conflict
Setup: All my seven characters are bonded by blood or decades of friendship.
Payoff 1: Cracks in some relationships.
Payoff 2: after the clan leader is killed, relationships become tighter and some more distant. Sides are forming.
Payoff 2: They begin to kill each other for survival.
Payoff 3: Only on will remain.
SP CHAIN 3: English Regression
Setup: General questions Captain’s aggressive mentality – tells him the local people are needed for their future.
Payoff 1: Captain slaughters captives.
Payoff 2: Captain murders General.
Payoff 3: Captain murders locals.
Payoff 4: Soldiers question Captain’s orders.
Payoff 5: English retreat from island.
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.
SP CHAIN 2: The main conflict
This is vitally important. These characters will have such strong bonds, albeit with some personality issues, from the beginning. I must show the cracks, the differences, the closeness right from the get-go. These personalities will change their minds, act irrationality, make clouded judgement calls… the whole way through the script. Then, after the pardon is announced, they will have to physically murder one another for their own survival. There will be twists and hopefully shocking moments as the audience goes through the emotional rollercoaster to see which one is the last person standing.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
These setups/payoffs and putting them down in
writing is improving scene after scene, also character depth. It is helping to
make the outline much stronger. -
Richard’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… again, this course is making me think about my script on a deeper level and while adding depths constantly, I am also improving scene after scene in my head. The first draft will be a lot stronger due to it.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplot #1 – Shane and Elena’s baby.
Beginning – A few subtle hints to her pregnancy.
Middle – She tells Shane
End – Does Shane make the ultimate sacrifice for his unborn child?
Subplot #2 – The English hampering their own colonial progression
Beginning – Disagreements
Middle – murder in the ranks
End – Retreat
Subplot #3 – What loyalty really means
Beginning – Leif and Pearse’s relationship
Middle – in progress
End – in progress
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #1 – Shane and Elena’s baby.
We soon learn that Elena is with child – but she will still fight the English against everyone’s wishes, putting not only herself at risk but that of her unborn child.
After our characters are trapped in the castle Shane learns about the pregnancy. As they are fighting to the last person standing the news complicates matters even more, with Shane prepared to do everything now for the safe escape of mother with child. What complicates matters is that Elena is convinced that Shane is the only man that can lead their country and change it for the better – and she is hellbent on making sure he is the last person standing.
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Richard’s Pass #5: Action/Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Much better going through these steps before rushing a first draft – the result will be much, much stronger.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Protagonist Goal: Survival
Protagonist Character Arc: Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a stronger country.
Main Conflict: Seven life-long friends/family members must fight to the death until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Action/Reaction Events
Defeated in battle by the English / forced to retreat
Hiding in forest, questioning new leadership / English find them, flush them out
Arrive at seaside town, obtain boats / English slaughter locals for helping them
Arrive at isolated castle / debate about whether to let them stay / English arrive, surround them.
Told to leave the castle / our characters kill their own people
Defend castle against English aggression / English send for more reinforcements
Leadership questioned again / rifts in our group
The English announce pardon / debate amongst our group
Our group are divided / they begin to hunt one another
Characters begin to get eliminated / tensions rise, allegiances change
List of the emotional moments
Loses initial war against English, retreats
Argument in forest, questioning leadership for first time
Makes a deal for boats, doesn’t follow chain of command
Tries to negotiate their stay in castle
Kills his own countrymen
After pardon is announced, he tries to keep them unified
Must kill multiple lifelong friends
Watches the woman he loves die
Kills his best friend
Kills English leader
Must lead his people, which he never wanted to do. Change complete.
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Richard’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… with every assignment I believe my story/characters are getting stronger. Further elements come to mind as I think more and more about the situation and what I will put my characters through. I’m also starting to appreciate just how much all aspects of my writing must be in unison to create a stronger script.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Emotional Dilemma: Can a group of lifelong friends, all connected by love or blood ties, betray, and ultimately murder one another for their own, and their country’s, survival?
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
It shows up in the very first scene as one of the characters know they are pregnant but still chooses to go to war.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
The stakes rise throughout the story – with some characters torn between the choices they must make – and which of their family they must sacrifice for the greater good. Betrayal and loyalty are challenged constantly.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
The characters make their choices, or others make it for them, throughout the second half of the script.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
A family friend. A true friend. An unborn child. It varies for each character.
Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Theme: Betrayal
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: Betrayal
Side 2: Loyalty
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
They constantly show up, our seven characters have bonds that have been built up since they were born, or at least since they were children. They have fought together; they have lived together and now they must make a decision that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
C. How does
the climax of the story demand your message?When one character makes the ultimate sacrifice.
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Richard’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… I have been thinking about this script for several years, and even now doing this assignment I have thought of two extra story elements that will strengthen the script and characters.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members betray each other for their own survival?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
Problems between the characters start in the set-up and relationships increasingly strained from there. Threats of death and fights are numerous.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Fights, threats and eventually death. The claustrophobic environment they are forced into from the inciting incident just rises and rises with no backward steps.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The whole second half of the script is literally these seven friends murdering each other until only one is left standing.
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Midpoint.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
It starts right from the beginning as I set up these characters’ depth and personalities and show both the weaknesses and strengths of all their relationships. They are as close as to be – but the situation they find themselves is unforgiving and they will act for their own good, which means betrayal of loved ones is a must.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
When the three characters with the closet bonds are left and three must become two… which must become one.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
When there is only one of the seven characters left standing.
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Richard’s SLW Version 1 – Request for feedback
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Plot/Structure: 16. Sacrifice
Character Structure: Ensemble
Characters:
Shane – A loyal, life-long fighter with the O’Doherty clan. The people’s champion. In sexual relationship with Ileana. Best friend of Malachi.
Ileana O’Doherty – Her father’s favorite child. Secretly pregnant with Shane’s child. More say over family matters than what women in the 17<sup>th</sup> century had. A warrior at heart.
Malachi O’Doherty – Heir apparent of the O’Doherty clan, Ulster’s prominent clan. Older brother to Ileana, Gavin, and Simon. Struggles to get the respect of his people. Best friend of Shane.
Pearse – Shane’s most trusted soldier. Student of the dark arts. Unbreakable loyalty to Shane.
Leif – A warrior’s warrior. People question his sanity. He’s Ireland’s most precious gift in his own mind. Another trusted soldier of Shane.
Gavin O’Doherty – Twin of Simon. Ferocious fighter. Sadistic. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command at all costs.
Simon O’Doherty – Twin of Gavin. Ferocious fighter. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command even if he doesn’t completely agree with it.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members murder each other for their own survival?
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Dilemma: Do they follow tradition and culture and let the ‘leader’ of the group survive?
Theme: Betrayal
Character Arc:
Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a stronger country.
9 Beat Structure:
Opening
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
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Richard’s Pass 2
What I learnt doing this is… is that I am my own worst enemy, never taking the straightforward route. I have been thinking about this story for over two years, I have written the first half of the script (although I plan to start from scratch for this course) and as of right now I can’t think of what I need to do to strengthen the story apart from character development/depth.
This will come to me later when we look at characters.
Of course, I know other things will change as I begin to write – they always do. It will just mean I will have to rewrite more later rather than now.
I will come back to the exercise and complete it when I receive feedback and have more time to view my overall outline before I start my first draft.
Having two thirds of the story in the one location does affect my ability to change the plot much. But extra scenes will come to me as I progress.
Apologies for being that guy – and I completely understand my plot/characters, as of right now, are far from perfect.
BEFORE
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Characters:
Shane – A loyal, life-long fighter with the O’Doherty clan. The people’s champion. In sexual relationship with Ileana. Best friend of Malachi.
Ileana O’Doherty – Her father’s favorite child. Secretly pregnant with Shane’s child. More say over family matters than what women in the 17<sup>th</sup> century had. A warrior at heart.
Malachi O’Doherty – Heir apparent of the O’Doherty clan, Ulster’s prominent clan. Older brother to Ileana, Gavin, and Simon. Struggles to get the respect of his people. Best friend of Shane.
Pearse – Shane’s most trusted soldier. Student of the dark arts. Unbreakable loyalty to Shane.
Leif – A warrior’s warrior. People question his sanity. He’s Ireland’s most precious gift in his own mind. Another trusted soldier of Shane.
Gavin O’Doherty – Twin of Simon. Ferocious fighter. Sadistic. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command at all costs.
Simon O’Doherty – Twin of Gavin. Ferocious fighter. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command even if he doesn’t completely agree with it.
Plot/Structure: 16. Sacrifice
Opening
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
Character Arc:
Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a stronger country.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members murder each other for their own survival?
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Dilemma: Do they follow tradition and culture and let the ‘leader’ of the group survive?
Theme: Betrayal
DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS
Will edit after more thought.
AFTER
Will edit after more thought.
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Richard’s first Pass!
What I learned doing this assignment is… preparation is everything. The story is becoming more real in my mind and already, in my opinion, becoming stronger.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members murder each other for their own survival?
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Dilemma: Do they follow tradition and culture and let the ‘leader’ of the group survive?
Theme: Betrayal
Story Plot: Sacrifice
For my story, this plot mirrors that of the sacrifice plotline. While all my characters discovery new depths that they will go to, to achieve what they believe is right, they will be sacrificing family members, life-long friendships, and themselves for the greater good.
List all 9 beats of your structure…
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure…
Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a better, stronger country.
What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?…
Opening
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
– We learn that Shane, while not blood of the ruling clan, has the respect of the military, the current leader and the people.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
– He questions his countrymen’s decision and what that holds for the future. He still falls in line with the new chief, actively promotes his leadership.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
– Although this is happening, Shane will follow tradition and let the eldest son of the fallen chief take control.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
– Again, their future is questioned by the occupants of the castle. Shane verbally shares his thoughts, and for the first time contradicts the wishes of the chief.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
– Shane is completely conflicted as to the right way forward. On one hand, he does all he can for his pregnant partner, but others want her dead so their chances of survival rise.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
– Now Shane knows what he needs to do. The hell with tradition.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
– Shane is determined to be the survivor and lead his people after he frees himself of this situation.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
– He becomes the leader they all need.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
– He portrays his vision to the masses. They are accepting. The country enters a new era.
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Richard’s Favorite Movie Outline – The Omen (1976)
What I learnt doing this assignment is… is that they don’t make movies like they did in the seventies. This film is still deeply unsettling today. Music can lift a movie to greatness. The film had a very simple, yet gripping, plot.
Dramatic Question: What would you do if you adopted the son of Satan?
Main Conflict: The Thorns survival as their adopted son and his enablers kill those opposed to his progress.
Dilemma: Could this child really be the son of Satan? Can this child be murdered?
Theme: Evil triumphs good.
The Omen – 1976
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Rome June 6th – Robert Thorn, American ambassador to Italy, is on his way to the hospital. A V.O. tells us his son was born dead.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Father Spiletto and Robert talk about situation. How will Robert tell his wife? Spiletto tells him another baby was born that night and that its mother died during birth. There are no relatives. Robert will take this child as his own.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Robert brings the child to his wife, Kathy. He pretends that it is their own.
INT. EMBASSY – DAY
Robert tells Kathy that they are moving to England as he is the new U.S. ambassador to the U.K.
INT. HOUSE – LIBRARY – DAY
Robert tours the new house in London Kathy has bought. She reveals his aspirations to be the next president of the U.S.
They are very much in love. They kiss, wave at the now much older baby.
EXT. FIELDS – DUSK
Happy family in love. We learn that their son is called Damien. They freak out when the child disappears – but he’s just playing behind a tree.
Further images of family settling in to their new life and happiness.
EXT. HOUSE – BACK GARDEN – DAY
Damien’s 5th birthday. Grand event. Veterans and photographers present. We meet Holly the nanny. Holly locks eyes with Rottweiler.
Montage of Damien and parents loving the party and the rides on offer.
Holly then hangs herself from the house’s roof. ‘It’s all for you!’ She claims. Party ruined.
Photographs taken. Damien looks at, and waves, at the Rottweiler.
INT. LONDON EMBASSY – DAY
Robert faces questions about Holly’s death. He hurries away, knocks over photographer Keith’s camera.
INT. ROBERT’S OFFICE – DAY
A crazed Father Brennan visits, tells Robert hat he must drink Christ’s blood and eat his body everyday to stay safe. He was at the hospital the night Damien was born and tries to tell Robert the truth before being escorted out.
EXT. EMBASSY – DAY
Keith takes photos of Father Brennan as he leaves the building.
INT. DARK ROOM
Keith develops the photographs.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
The new nanny, Mrs. Baylock, arrives. Neither parent arranged for her to come. She says the agency sent her over. She wants to spend alone time with Damien.
INT. DAMIEN’S BEDROOM – DAY
Mrs. Baylock tells Damien that she is here to protect him.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Robert and Kathy are getting ready for church. Mrs. Baylock argues with Kathy that Damien should not go with them. Kathy insists they go as a family.
INT. CAR – DAY
Driving toward the church, Damien sees the crucifix and immediately starts to act up. He’s scared stiff. Trembling with fear. Screaming. They abandon their church visit and go home.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Robert and Kathy discuss Damien and how the boy never gets sick. Dad questions everything. Kathy defends her son by just saying he is healthy.
LATER
The Rottweiler protects Damien’s door. Mrs. Baylock brought dog in without permission. Robert wants the dog gone.
Robert enters Damien’s room and watches over him.
EXT. WINDSOR SAFARI PARK – DAY
A happy Damien and Kathy. Damien’s presence scares off the giraffes.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Robert leaves in car. Father Brennan waits outside the gates.
EXT. WINDSOR SAFARI PARK – DAY
The car enters the Baboon enclosure. Baboon’s get agitated and attack the car. Freaking out Kathy and Damien.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Kathy and Robert get ready for bed. He knows something is wrong with you – pushes the matter. She wants to see a shrink.
EXT. RUGBY FIELD – DAY
Keith taking photographs as Robert watches the game. Father Brennan arrives, urges Robert to meet him later – he states that his wife will die if he doesn’t listen.
INT. DARK ROOM
Keith develops more photographs. There is a strange mark on his photos.
INT. PARK – DAY
Robert meets with Father Brennan, who gives him a history lesson on Satan and what his future holds. Tells him to visit a man to learn how to kill Damien.
Robert tells Brennan not to bother him again and walks off.
A storm comes. Intensifies. Brennan tries to make it to a church for shelter. Doors are locked. Lightning strikes a pole on the building, it falls and impales Brennan.
INT. HOUSE – SNOOKER ROOM – DAY
Damien animated, plays with his dad. Kathy wants peace and orders Kathy out of the room against Robert’s wishes.
Kathy tells Robert that she is pregnant and wants an abortion.
Phone rings. Robert answers. He is told to look at the paper and finds out about Keith’s death.
INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY
Robert talks with shrink, who tells him Kathy thinks Damien is evil. Doctor assures Robert it is fantasy. Robert will not accept an abortion.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Kathy stands on table fixing light. Mrs. Baylock opens Damien’s bedroom door and lets him leave riding his bike. Damien crashes into the table, sending Kathy over the balcony and onto the hard floor below.
INT. HOSPITAL
Robert talks to a doctor who tells him Kathy is in a bad state but will live. She lost the baby. Robert talks to Kathy, who pleads with him not to let Damien kill her.
INT. DAMIEN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Dog Doesn’t let Robert get close to Damien. Phone rings.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Keith on phone. Wants to talk to him about Brennan’s death.
INT. DARK ROOM
Keith shows Robert photos of Brennan and first nanny – they all have the same, unexplainable marks. Brennan had a ‘666’ birthmark.
INT. BRENNAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bible pages affixed over the walls. 47 crucifixes. He was trying to keep something out. Police thought he was insane. Robert admits Damien is not his son. Keith shows Robert a selfie – he has the death mark, too.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Mrs. Baylock informs Robert that the house keeper has left.
INT. HOSPITAL, ROME – DAY
Robert and Keith look for records. All destroyed in fire after Damien was born. Robert wants to know where Spiletto is.
INT. CAR – DAY
Robert drives as Keith reads from the bible about the arrival of Satan. ‘The Devil’s child will rise from the world of politics.’
INT. MONASTERY – DAY
Dozens of monks praying don’t even acknowledge Robert and Keith’s arrival. They find the mute Spiletto. But he is able to write down the name of a graveyard.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
They jump over the gate. Find the gate. Rottweilers stalk them. They open the graves – the body of a dog, and Robert’s original son was murdered. Dogs attack. They escape.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Robert calls Kathy and tells her to come to Rome immediately. As she tries to dress, Mrs. Baylock throws her out the window. Kills her.
INT. HOTEL ROOM, ROME – NIGHT
Robert breaks down after hearing about Kathy’s death.
Keith enters, has information on how to find the man that will tell them on how to kill Damien. Robert now wants his adopted son dead.
EXT. MEGIDDO – DAY
Robert and Keith are escorted through the ancient ruins of this Jewish city.
INT. CAVERN – DAY
They meet Bugenhagen, an archeologist, who talks to Robert alone. He tells him where and how to kill Damien, and that Damien will have the ‘666’ birthmark somewhere on body.
EXT. STREETS – DAY
Robert refuses to do it. He’s only a boy. Keith takes the knives and says he will do it. He is then decapitated by a sheet of glass.
INT. PRIVATE JET – NIGHT
Robert sits with the knives – knows what he has to do.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Robert traps dog in basement. He cuts damien’s hair to find the ‘666’ birthmark. Mrs. Baylock attacks Robert, who kills her with an ice pick.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Robert puts Damien into car, speeds off. Police follow, call for backup.
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Robert drags Damien to the altar, who begs for his life. He readies to kill him with the knives, police enter and shoot Robert.
EXT. AMERICAN GRAVEYARD – DAY
Robert and Kathy’s funeral.
Damien is in the custody of the President of the
United States. -
Richard’s Basic Structure!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… fail to prepare, prepare to fail (or have a weaker script).
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Opening
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
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Richard McMahon’s Necessary Questions
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… focus. Focus on the story early on to make the first draft as strong as possible. Everything needs to work together to make a stronger story.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members murder each other for their own survival?
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Dilemma: Do they follow tradition and culture and let the ‘leader’ of the group survive?
Theme: Betrayal
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Richard’s Dramatic Plots 2
What I learned doing this is… plotting gets tricker the more characters are central to your story. It also made me realize that arcs for each character need to be fully completed, which means the character depth needs to be the best I can make it right from the first page. I have to haver the reader feel for these seven characters and understand the decisions they will be forced to make as the script progresses.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
17. Discovery
With the mounting pressure on my protagonists, each of them will make a discovery that will change their lives and the future of their country. Personal, political, and family ties will be questioned to the extreme. The characters will discover emotions and actions they did not think possible before this journey began.
16. Sacrifice
For my story, this plot mirrors that of the discovery plotline. While all my characters discovery new depths that they will go to to achieve what they believe is right, they will be sacrificing family members, life-long friendships, and themselves for the greater good.
Which plot will I use out of the four?
Sacrifice seems to fit best for my story.
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Richard’s Dramatic Plots
What I learned doing this is… stories are not set in stone until the very final draft. Even at this plotting stage, I’m working out stronger scenes and questioning earlier story and character decisions/progressions. There are plenty of ways you can change your story.
Tell the name of the plot selection and write a one paragraph synopsis for each one…
Escape
From the Inciting Incident of my story, my protagonists are continually trying to escape the invading English army. Even when they arrive at the castle on an isolated island, which will be the setting of the final two acts, they not only have to escape the surrounding English army, but one another as their only chance of survival is to be the last person standing.
Underdog
From the get-go, our protagonists are vastly outnumbered by the invading army. Their own countrymen turn their back on them as they fear English retaliation. As the story progresses the odds are stacked against their survival. These odds virtually disappear after they are forced to turn on one another.
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Richard’s Character Structure
What I learnt doing this assignment is… just by doing this exercise I believe I have added a layer of depth to two of my characters and created extra scenes in my head that will lead, hopefully, to a stronger first draft. More conflict and emotions is always a good thing in a script.
Character Structure: Ensemble Cast
Characters:
Shane – A loyal, life-long fighter with the O’Doherty clan. The people’s champion. In sexual relationship with Ileana. Best friend of Malachi.
Ileana O’Doherty – Her father’s favorite child. Secretly pregnant with Shane’s child. More say over family matters than what women in the 17<sup>th</sup> century had. A warrior at heart.
Malachi O’Doherty – Heir apparent of the O’Doherty clan, Ulster’s prominent clan. Older brother to Ileana, Gavin, and Simon. Struggles to get the respect of his people. Best friend of Shane.
Pearse – Shane’s most trusted soldier. Student of the dark arts. Unbreakable loyalty to Shane.
Leif – A warrior’s warrior. People question his sanity. He’s Ireland’s most precious gift in his own mind. Another trusted soldier of Shane.
Gavin O’Doherty – Twin of Simon. Ferocious fighter. Sadistic. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command at all costs.
Simon O’Doherty – Twin of Gavin. Ferocious fighter. Will protect his clan’s position and chain-of-command even if he doesn’t completely agree with it.
After losing a decisive battle against the invading English army our group of characters retreat to a castle on an island haven. Welcome at first, they then face a battle of survival as the English land and surround the castle.
They secure the castle by eliminating their fellow countrymen that wish to hand them over to the English.
With food and supplies running out, the English offer a pardon to only one of our group – they must eliminate themselves until there is only one person left standing.
The pardon triggers a reaction that sees family turn on one another, life-long relationships destroyed in seconds and personal sacrifices for the greater good and future of their country.
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I learnt that through hard work and common sense I may just get a movie produced.
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Richard McMahon
Nine scripts
I haven’t written in years due to starting a family – now that I have more free time I want to resume this passion.
From my understanding, I was the first unproduced/unpublished writer to receive a script development grant from my film board – although that was eight/nine years ago. Time does fly when kids control you life and you are trying hard not to do lasting mental damage to them!
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I, Richard McMahon, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Richard’s Character Profiles Part 1
What I learnt doing this assignment is that not writing for six years has its disadvantages.
Shane is a fighter. Forced to fight for love, clan, and country. Put in a physically and mentally draining situation, and after devastating loss, he finally understands identity.
The Antagonist will represent a foreign king’s insatiable desire to destroy a rebellion. He is ambitious, focused, and cruel beyond belief.
A group of seven secondary characters will accompany Shane and the Antagonist throughout the story. A handful of smaller roles.
Genre: Action
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Richard’s Transformational Journey
What I learnt doing this assignment is that not writing for six years has its disadvantages.
Who is your Hero?
Shane, a fiercely loyal clansman.
What is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
From traditionalist to the people’s leader.
Internal Journey: Changes all he believes in regarding culture and history.
External Journey: From being a loyal warrior to the leader of his people.
The Old Ways: Traditionalist. Subdued. Wanting normality.
New Ways: Leader. Visionary.
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Name: Richard McMahon
How many scripts have you written: 12 Feature scripts.
What you hope to get out of the class: To get back into writing.
Something unique, special, strange or unusual
about you: I’ll post after I ask the wife. -
you will be hearing from me, thank you!
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Hi John,
I’ve sent a request to connect with you. I would love to exchange reviews with you. I will have it done before tomorrow night.
Cheers!
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Absolutely, Pablo – thank you. I will review your work and have my thoughts within 24 hours.
If anyone else would like to exchange feedback let me know – the more eyes the better!