Ricki Holmes
Forum Replies Created
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DAY 8 Intertwine your three sequences to create plot.
What I leaned is: I still need to add the mystery’s life threatening issues yet, and define the plots so this isn’t complete
OPENING
A young boy hangs himself –
SET-UP
In church, young Evelyn eight, has a breakdown, kicking and streaming. Paramedics are called. 18 years later, Evelyn is released by the governors board. She sees Brent on TV, Vows to destroy him. (Evelyn has problems – haunted by her horrific past – and wants revenge on the man she thinks is responsible for it. That man is Brent Martin and he’s a preacher and pillar of society.
THEME STAED
All is not what as it seems. You can’t judge a book by its cover.
Your past will come back to haunt you.
CATALYST
Evelyn seduces Brent at Chicago. Videos it, Sends the file to the media.
DEBATE
Who is this mystery woman. Brent insists it never happened and the photo’s were manipulated. Deep fake video. Brent’s backers want to know if it’s true. There’s a media frenzy. Carla Wiggins, local TV reporter is assigned to the case. Evelyn has flashbacks of a young boy hanging himself.
BREAK INTO TWO
Carla is forced to take the case.
B STORY
The dynamic between Carla and Evelyn.
FUN AND GAMES
Evelyn works on the demise of Brent. Stalks him at the house. Goes to his church. Tries to influence his wife, Sophie. Hounds Brent at every opportunity. Lets him believe his daughter is in danger. Promises to destroy him. At church – he opens his Bible there’s a picture of him in the bedroom with Evelyn.
MID POINT
Brents lawyer says he must go public. Brent decides to get dirty.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN
Brent confronts Evelyn personally
Brent puts heavies on Evelyn to scare her off.
Evelyn and Sophie have sex – creates tension.
Evelyn sets up Sophie with an ex boyfriend – makes it look bad on Sophie
Evelyn makes Brent think she’s abducted his daughter
Carla confronts Brent about who is Jonathon Margolis?
ALL IS LOST
Brent admits to being Jonathon Margolis. Changed his name due to a scandal 18 years prior. No charges were brought against him. He admits to having urges, but with the help of God that is behind him.
DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
Evelyn sends pictures to Lydia. Now Sophie knows the truth – but Brent’s family is ruined.
BREAK INTO THREE
Brent vows to get his family back.
FINALE
Brent chases down the ex-boyfriend – in a fight Brent kills him.
Brent finds out where Evelyn and Sophie are hiding out
Brent and Evelyn get in a huge fight.
We see why Evelyn was tracking him down – she saw Brent rape her brother. Then watched her parents commit a murder suicide.
Evelyn gives Brent a gun so he can kill himself.
The cops take Brent into custody for the murder of the boyfriend.
The hospital takes Evelyn back to the asylum because she’s a nut job.
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What I learned is this will help structure the outline.
The villains plan is to publicly ruin a celebrity preachers personal and professional life.
The villain constantly harasses Brent and undermines peoples opinion of him.
Brent goes after the villain, risking exposing his own dark secret.
1/ Opens with a 13yr old boy swinging from the rafters.
2/ We meet Evelyn, learn she had a horrific experience as a child 18 years ago, but is released from an asylum.
3/ Evelyn stalks super preacher, and advocate of helping victims of sex trafficking, Brent Martin.
4/ Evelyn seduces Brent at a convention, secretly tapes it and sends it to a media outlet.
5/ Brent’s standing in the community as a famous preacher is threatened. His wife and daughter face humiliation.
6/ Brent hires some thugs to scare off Evelyn
7/ Evelyn befriends Brent’s wife and daughter.
8/ A reporter delves into Brent’s past. Finds out about a scandal of a young boy hanging himself while under Brent’s care.
9/ The reporter confronts Evelyn – we find out Evelyns real name is Erica Garcia and it was her brother who committed suicide. Evelyn threatens her physically if she goes with the story.
10/ The reporter confronts Brent. Demands the truth.
11/ The reporter is the victim of a hit and run.
12/ Brent tells his wife to stay away from Evelyn.
13/ Evelyn is unstable and has visions of young boys hanging, throwing themselves off buildings, throwing themselves in front of trains.
14/ Brent confront’s Evelyn, demands she stay away from his family.
15/ Evelyn sets up Brent’s wife with an ex boyfriend, roofies her and takes photos.
16/ Evelyn sends the footage of her and Brent to his daughter. His wife and daughter leave him.
17 She sends the same clip to his investors. They withdraw funding of his trafficking project.
18/ Brent pays the thugs to put more heat on Evelyn. They put her In hospital.
19/ Photo’s of the ex boyfriend and Brents wife show up. Brent tracks his wife down to the hospital. She’s leaving him for her ex.
20/ Brent tracks down the boyfriend. In an altercation, the boyfriend is killed by Brent.
21/ Brent tracks down his wife and daughter at the town where the boy hung himself. He’s accosted by Evelyn, and we find out she witnessed him seducing her brother – she offers him a chance to kill himself.
22/ Brent is taken away by the cops. His wife and daughter move to Colorado. Evelyn is declared sane by the authorities.
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What I learned doing this assignment is I’m floundering and have already changed my hero 3x’s now. There’s a story there somewhere, but who’s story is it?
The Big Secret. Brent seduced Evelyns brother years ago, which led to her brother committing suicide.
How many ways can he cover that secret.
— Having the role model family life
— Being an outspoken advocate of bringing pedophiles to justice.
— Building a Utopian sanctuary for wayward boys and girls.
Main mystery – Why did a thirteen year old boy hang himself.
Secret 1 Brent is a pedophile and his abuse drove the kid to suicide and his undocumented parents to murder/suicide.
Cover Up 1 – Brents lead the idyllic family life and runs a utopian housing project for wayward kids.
Secret 2 Brent procures kids for a powerful pedophile ring.
Cover Up 2 – Brent leads a public fight against the world of sex trafficking.
Secret 3 – Brent used to teach basketball at church camp where a kid hung himself.
Cover up 3a – Although impacted in the affair, the church did an internal investigation and found Brent innocent.
Cover up 3b – Brent changed his name and moved after being implicated. His real name was Jonathon Margolis.
Cover up 3c – The investigative reporter on the case was murdered, and the killer was never found.
Brent had seen him for counseling that day.
He lived in Brents utopian housing project for wayward kids.
Four Main Mysteries are:
Mystery 1: Why did a 13 year old boy hang himself.
The incident is a copycat of a scandal 18 years ago
The boy involved was under the supervision of Brent
Brent was cleared of any wrong doing by the church.
Several boys and girls went missing at that time – all had a connection with Brent
Mystery 2: What is Brent Hiding?
That he was implemented in the same scenario 18 years ago
That he is a pedophile
That he’s using his sanctuary as a front to indulge in sex trafficking.
That he killed a reporter closing in on the investigation.
Mystery 3: Who is Erica Garcia?
Brent tells Cindy (reporter) that Erica Garcia accused him of seducing her brother.
Cindy can’t find any information on Erica.
Cindy thinks Brent is lying.
She finds out that Erica is Evelyn Gonzalez.
Erica, as a child, witnessed Brent fucking her brother.
Erica found her brother dead by hanging himse;lf after the event.
Mystery 4: Is Evelyn Gonzalez sane or crazy?
Did Evelyn crack and hang the boy.
The boy was in Evelyn’s care.
She had seen him that day.
Evelyn has just been let out of an asylum
Evelyn has visions of a young boy dead, by hanging.
Why does Evelyn want to ruin Brent Martin’s life?
Why does Evelyn needs psychiatric help?
Why does Evelyn stalk Brent and his family?
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Designing the villains plan:
What I learned was that this start to the villains plan outlines what I have to do to make this (hopefully) compelling.
What is the end goal?
Ruin TV Super- Preacher Brent Martin’s idyllic family life.
How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
Discredit him in the media and alter public opinion. Lure him back into his addictions.
How can they cover it up?
1.Seduce Brent, film it and put it on the news.
2.Change her name so Brent doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.
3.Seduce Brent’s wife so she wants to leave him
4.Befriend Brent’s daughter so she resents her father.
5.Blackmail Brent’s major backer so the deal with Brent collapses.
6. Sent up Brent’s wife to make it look like she’s having an affair on Brent.
7.Kill the reporter and make it look like Brent did it.
8.Push Brent over the edge to where he kills, and then wants to kill himself.
Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible. (As above)
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This was tough, for me.
I think it will help me to focus much more on the MIS side of the plot and in turn, make my scenes have a deeper meaning. It will make sure I concentrate on those three factors and the scripts will be stronger for the effort.
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Sadly after spending hours filling in document, the information is lost! argh!!!
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THRILLER Day 3 Creating world/characters with MIS
What I learned is: The model is forcing me to alter my story – or at least what I thought the story was going to be – because what I had wasn’t a thriller.
THE BIG MYSTERY
Why does an eleven year old boy commit suicide and his parents indulge in murder/suicide due to the shame.
THE BIG INTRIGUE
The preacher is procuring kids for a pedophile organization.
The BIG SUSPENSE
The more our hero uncovers, the more dangerous it becomes for her.
The intriguing world:
The underground world of religious hypocrisy, cover-ups and fund raising for the church by means of providing children as play things for the rich and famous.
HERO: Evelyn Gonzalez
Mystery: Why was she put in an asylum? Why does she keep having flashbacks.
Intrigue: Is she sane or deluded?
Suspense: Will she be killed for getting too close.
VILLAIN: Brent Hicks
Mystery: What’s his connection to Evelyn?
Intrigue: Using his celebrity status, he entices wayward children into a sex trafficking ring for the amusement of high powered individuals who pay him for his service.
Suspense: Will he win his public battle with Evelyn and continue ruing peoples lives.
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THRILLER Day 2 The Big Mystery, Intrigue, and suspense.
What I leant is that any concept could become a thriller if you use these concepts. This is not necessarily the one I will write – but it’s a decent start.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero:
A reporter, handed the job of covering a scandal involving a superstar preacher.
Dangerous Villain: Superstar preacher connected to the rich and powerful.
High stakes: The reporter delves into the preacher’s past – uncovers his involvement with a high powered pedophile ring.
Life and death situations: There will be lots of them.
This story is thrilling because? The reporters key witness is in an asylum. The preacher is connected to the very rich and powerful. We don’t know if the ‘system’ will kill the reporter.THE BIG MYSTERY
Why does an eleven year old boy commit suicide.
THE BIG INTRIGUE
The preacher is procuring kids for a pedophile organization.
The BIG SUSPENSE
Will the preacher succeed in having the reporter killed?
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Law Abiding Citizen – Thriller Conventions
What I learned from watching this movie? Thinking about the model b brought a whole new level in appreciation of the writing of this script and how I might apply this model to my thrillers.
Unwilling but resourceful hero. Clyde Sheldon.
After watching his wife and daughter be raped and murdered, a family man exacts revenge on the system that allowed one of the killers to go free in a plea bargain.
Dangerous villain – A cold blooded killer.
BUT THEN
The model gets turned on its head, and we realize the hero is actually the rising prosector, Nick Rice, who accepted the pea bargain, and the victim becomes the villain.
Prosecutor Nick Allen is now the hero – but he has massive flaws – personal success overrides his willingness to fight for justice. – Until the end, when he no longer makes deals with killers.
Life and Death situations. Members of the legal profession are systematically killed off – in the final scene members of homeland security, the police, the FBI, the Mayor, are about to be blown up.
This movie is thrilling because: we don’t know how the villain is coming up with all these kills – he’s in prison. He’s always one step ahead of the authorities. Who’s next? Pretty much stays that way throughout the movie. Always on edge – also the battle is personal between the high-powered lawyer and the killer – who is smarter?
Big Mystery: Who is Clyde Sheldon
Big Intrigue: Will he win his battle of wits with Nick Rice
Big Suspense: Will Clyde sucked in bringing down the broken system.
This script is filled with dark humor, the stakes are enormous and at first we totally understand Cldes motives – but then it gets totally out of hand. Even after the carnage we are happy Clydes actions made him realize not to make deals with killers.
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I agree to the terms of this release form.
Ricki Holmes
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Ricki Holmes.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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My name is Ricki Holmes,
I’ve written about a dozen scripts some good others not so good. Had one made, Broken Faith (IMDB) and placed in competitions – never won one. I wrote a psychological thriller a couple of years ago and although I like it, readers didn’t! Go figure, so I wanted to do the class to make sure I was writing the genre.
I just finished the horror class. Brilliant.
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Ricki’s say as hell scene.
What I learned is: If I can pepper the script with these elements it should make for a good read. But, it would be easy to fall into cliches (ala the raccoon scare) Have to be aware of that.
Horror situation: Isolated/Pursued
Karissa walks home alone in a deserted park, unaware she’s being watched. The monster lurks in the shadows.
A/ Emotional range: Anxiety to shock
B/ What emotions go in between? Fear – Panic – Hysteria
C/ What is the physical representation of each emotion?
Anxiety: As she walks along a secluded oath, her phone loses signal, then the street lights fail – one by one.
Surprise/scare: She hears rustling In the bushes.
Release: A raccoon scurries across her path. The lights flash back on.
Shock: Further up the path stands a cloaked figure.
Fear: She sees someones shadow next to hers – someone is following, way too close for comfort. Every shadow seems creepy.
Release: Her phone dings – signal restored. She looks around, there’s no sign of the figure or anything else. The shadows appear harmless. She texts that she had too much to drink.
Shock: Something flashes past her head – SWOOSH – a dagger lodges into a tree.
Panic: Karissa cuts off the path into the woods. Charging through the bracken to get away.
Hysteria: She glances backward and sees a meat clever suspended in air, coming at her – she stumbles hits the ground. Gets up, then gets butterflies into two by the clever.
FADE IN
EXT. PARTY HOUSE – NORTH SPRINGFIELD – NIGHT
Guys drinking beer, leaning against cars. The DOOR opens – MUSIC LOUDER – the guys turn and look at the babe at the door.
The babe is Karissa, (23) appealing without being a pin-up and wears her jeans and tank-top well. She finishing off a White Claw.
KARISSA
Thanks for the invite, I had a good time.
CODY
You sure you don’t want a ride home? I wouldn’t walk across that park at night.
KARISSA
I’d be safer in your car?
CODY
It would be more fun.
KARISSA
I’m sure it would. It’s a beautiful night. I’ll take a rain check.
She finishes off the seltzer and hands Cody the can. Cody watches her walk away.
EXT. PARK TRAIL – NIGHT
Street lights illuminate the pathway. Karissa strolls, nonchalant, reading and sending text messages.
Text message: Why are we going to Eureka?
One of the lights buzzes, flashes on and off, and then it’s dead. It doesn’t concern her.
Text message: He’s rented an old theatre. They say it’s haunted. Sound’s weird to me.
Text message: You believe all that?
Another light shorts out. Karissa, still oblivious.
Text message: Maybe. He’s weird.
Text message: Pretty creative. He pays well too.
The phone loses its signal. Karissa notices how dark it is, when the last light sizzles out.
KARISSA
Shit. Siri turn on the flashlight.
The small beam illuminates. There’s rustling in the bushes. Karissa stops walking.
KARISSA
Hello? I don’t know who you are. I’ll tell you right now, I’m a black-belt and I’ll kick your –
A raccoon leaps out in front of her and scurries away – She drops the phone. The street lights come back on. She picks it up. She has signal.
Text messages: He might pay well but he’s a dick
Text message: You there?
She responds.
Text Message: Yeah, I lost signal for a minute. I’ll take the money and run.
Text Message: You might have to.
Karissa smiles.
Text message. I’ll see you tomorrow.
She puts her phone away. Stops in her tracks. Up ahead is a CLOAKED FIGURE underneath underneath a light.
She sees a shadow on the ground next to hers. All the shadows appear ominous. Different shapes – some look like wild animals ready to pounce. Others could be monsters.
She looks behind her. No one there. Up ahead the cloaked figure has disappeared. The shadows look harmless. She grabs her phone.
Text Message: Hey you still up. I guess I had more to drink than I thought lol.
A SWOOSH flies past her head. A dagger lodges into a tree behind her. Panicked she looks around, no one there. Then the figure appears agin. A shadow appears next to hers on the ground.
She takes off into the woods – charging through the bracken, branches swiping at her face – her feet sinking into the sodden, uneven ground. She’s aware someone is behind her – she turns to see a meat clever closing in – but no one is holding it – she’s more determined – hysterical now – pushing through the trees.
She stumbles. Lands hard – looks toward the meat clever – nothing there so she gets up – then splits into two pieces as the clever slices through her head and down her body.
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Lesson 13: Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments
What I learned is that these moments need to be apparent throughout the script.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Amanda sits on the toilet. A shadow appears underneath the door. It startles her.
AMANDA
Hello? Peyton is that you.
Silence
AMANDA
C’mon, this isn’t funny.
A tube of hand soap rolls underneath the door. Amanda’s freaked now.
AMANDA
Peyton, quit.
A spider scurries along the wall. Amanda, jumps up, wipes and gets out of their fast. Then realizes it’s a shadow spider.
AMANDA
Very funny.
She pulls on the door, but it won’t budge. She bangs on the door.
AMANDA
Let me out! Hey. Stop fucking with me.
The lights go out. Amanda yells, bangs harder, frantic. No one responds.
A solitary light comes on. On the wall of the stall is the shadow of a hangman’s noose.
Amanda’s had enough. She balances on the toilet. As she reaches up to look over the stall – BOOM!
Cameron is in her face. The lights come on. Peyton and Cameron fall about laughing
AMANDA
You little shits.
She pushes by them to leave the bathroom – she try’s the door, twists at the handle and pulls – but that doors locked now.
AMANDA
Okay guys this is ridiculous.
Peyton and Cameron settle, then get nervous.
AMANDA
Give me the damn key.
PEYTON
We didn’t lock it.
AMANDA
Just unlock the fucking door. Enough.
Cameron and Peyton are both dead-pan. In a surge of panic, Cameron moves forward an pulls on the door – It opens.
CAMERON
What the fuck, Amanda?
Amanda strides out with a gleam in her eye.
AMANDA
See you at rehearsal.
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Lesson 12 Level 3 Horror emotions
What I learned: This reiterates how these exercises are strengthening the outline as each time we do a class, something else comes to light to elevate the (potential) script. In this case Heather (soon to be Kai) has just realized the monster is most likely her undead husband who she was unfaithful to with Peter G.
ANGUISH
Demetrius and Kai find Peyton impaled in the bathroom – there’s nothing to do but leave her there when Kai says, “its him.” And blames herself for the killings.
PANIC
A shadow looms over them – so they run for cover – hiding in a locker Heather tells Demetrius about her late husbands experiments with unbrakenesis. They need to break the monsters concentration so it can’t manipulate the shadows. At this point something unlocks the handles. Demetrius gives the word and they barrel out of there.
HORROR
Heather puts the monster in the spotlight as Demetrius unhooks the monsters cloak to reveal a decomposing body – full of maggots, dung Beatles and worms etc. Heather sees “him” and turns off the light. Demetrius scales the wall ladder up to the fly rail – the monster’s in pursuit slinging hatchets and knives.
HYSTERIA
Demetrius is about to be killed when Heather opens the roof access door – the light hits the monster and he falls to its death. The ground breaks the decomposing body into fragments. It seems its over when the access door slams shut. The worms and Beatles scurry together and the body reforms – creates a pulley device and scales upward onto the fly rail. A flurry of daggers slice into Demetrius neck. Heather backs away – grabs a can of inflammable liquid and douses the monster – reaches into Demetrius’s pocket for a lighter and ignites. It falls off the fly rail – hits the deck, burning. The sprinklers turn on, dousing everything in water but this time the monster is burnt to a crisp.
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Lesson 11 – Level 2 Horror Emotions
What I learned: I need to improve!
Outline.
FEAR: The cast realize their cell phones are useless and they are basically trapped, so after much debate decide to rehearse. SUSPENSE: Amanda hears something, she attempts to draw everyones attention to it but the Peter, the director shuts her up. Then she sees a wall shadow, a finger beckoning her to follow. She’s not in the scene so she investigates. As she wanders down backstage and into the trap, she’s scared but the noises compels her to see what is going on. DREAD: Amanda screams out – the cast run downstairs but stop at the door of the trap room. Demetrius takes it upon himself to enter.
INT. THEATRE – ON STAGE
Peter G puts the cast through their paces, creating a shape, checking it out on the scrim. Amanda isn’t in the scene and watches when she hears something.
AMANDA
There’s someone downstairs. Stop. Listen
The rehearsal stops – built deathly quiet.
CAMERON
Whats up, girl. You giving us the jeebies.
PETER G
Can we carry on.
DEMETRIUS
OK, positions.
The cast form a bridge shadow.
DEMITRIUS
Hit the lights.
The lights go dark – the bridge shows up on the scrim.
PETER G
That’s looking good. Heather move stage left a smidge.
Amanda hears the noise again
AMANDA
Am I go crazy is no one hearing that?
PETER G
Hearing what, Amanda? Chains jangling, ghosts going boo – what?
It’s quiet again
AMANDA
I’m sorry. I swear –
PETER G
I’ll swear in a minute.
CAMERON
Jesus, can we get on with tis my heads up Demetri’s sweaty ass.
PETER G
Okay, position two – Peyton move forward, Demetrius take up the base.
On the back wall, a wall shadow of a finger beckons.
Amanda stares at it, wide eyed. She looks at the cast – thinks better of it – She follows the finger into
THE WINGS
then down some steps. The noises are getting louder – another wall shadow of the beckoning finger. She reaches the
TRAP ROOM DOOR
Stands still – takes a breath.
She moves inside, heart racing. It’s darkness until the lights go on. Amanda SREAMS out.
ON STAGE
The cast hears her blood curdling cry. They charge downstairs.
AMANDA
Please, help me.
TRAP DOOR
The room is dark again. Demetrius takes it upon himself to lead the group. Stricken, they enter. They are dumbstruck to see
Amanda is spread-eagled over a three-foot spike – her wrists suspended from the ceiling with rope – candles are burning the rope and when it gives she will be gorged.
But there’s nothing holding her up, except shadows of the ropes
DEMETRIUS
What the hell?
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What I learned doing this assignment – that I need to attempt to get apprehension surprise and shock into each scene, where I can.
Opening scene – outline.
Karissa, 22, leaves a party. Some deuce-bag is hitting on her. She declines his offer to drive her home. He tells her it’s not safe out there. (Apprehension) Especially across the park. She goes anyway. It’s industrial – off the beaten path. Between buildings that cast eerie shadows. The buildings lights go out. (Surprise) Then the street lights quit. Total blackness. She asks Siri to put her flash light on.It comes on – then fails. One light appears – then a figure in a black cloak. (Shock) She freaks out, turns and runs – through bracken and bushes – scraping her skin – she looks behind- a meat clever is raised over her head – but its a shadow – but its deadly, and smashes into the middle of her head – splits her down the middle. Her body butterflies-out into two pieces. In the distance the figure looks over the mess.
FADE IN
EXT. PARTY HOUSE – NORTH SPRINGFIELD – NIGHT
Guys drinking beer, leaning against cars. The DOOR opens – MUSIC LOUDER – the guys turn and look at the babe at the door.
KARISSA
Thanks for the invite, I had a good time.
CODY
You sure you don’t want a ride home? I wouldn’t walk across that park at night.
KARISSA
I’d be safer in your car?
CODY
It would be more fun.
KARISSA
I’m sure it would. It’s a beautiful night. I’ll take a rain check.
EXT. PARK TRAIL – NIGHT
Street lights illuminate the pathway. Karissa strolls, nonchalant, reading and sending text messages.
Text message: Why are we going to Eureka?
One of the lights shorts-out, flashes on and off, and then it’s dead. It doesn’t concern her.
Text message: He’s hired an old theatre. Sound’s weird to me.
Text message: Why?
Text message: I don’t know. He’s weird.
Text message: Pretty creative. He pays well too.
Text message: True that. I’ll see you tomorrow.
As she places the phone in her bag another light goes out, then another. She’s panicked and then boom – they all go out. BLACKNESS. We HEAR her voice – panicked.
KARISSA
Siri – turn on the flashlight.
The light comes on. She quickens her pace. Up ahead a street light turns on, there’s a CLOAKED FIGURE underneath it. Karissa panics – turns and runs for it. Another light comes on with the same cloaked figure underneath. Karissa veers off into the bushes. Running harder, branches whipping into her face, scraping her arms. Something is behind her, she knows she’s in danger, but can’t se anyone when a SHADOW of a meat clever cuts down her head, neck and body – which butterflies-out into two parts. In the distance the cloaked figure looks on.
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Shadow Dance – Readable Outline
What I learned – This process has helped create perhaps the most thorough outline Ive done and is a great tool for the future. Its still a first draft and can and most likely will change.
EXT. PARTY HOUSE – NIGHT
A young girl (23) KARISSA, says goodbye to friends, then starts her walk home.
EXT. PARK TRAIL – NIGHT
Karissa’s relaxed even though she’s walking an off the beaten path. It’s spooky; a nearby warehouse building casts eerie shadows over the walkway. She tells Siri to put the flashlight on. It doesn’t work. She hears noises. Behind her there’s someone else’s shadow. She questions if her eyes are playing tricks on her. She see’s objects. Then, some distance away there’s a cloaked figure. The street lights go out.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Karissa’s running now, freaked out. Bushes and branches smashing into her face. She looks behind to see a meat cleaver, mid-air, no one holding it but it’s coming toward her. She runs harder when the meat cleaver cuts her head in two, down the middle., through her body until the two parts separate.
INT. COLLEGE LECTURE ROOM – DAY
On a screen we see shadows form shapes – bridges, trees, animals and the like when we realize we are watching a performance by a shadow troupe. Amazing. Then the lights come up and it was a video that was playing. The lecturer PETER G (40) announces that was a performance by his shadow dance troupe – all choreographed and man made. In the lecture he plays down the idea of unbrakinesis – the art of being able to manipulate shadows, light and dark, into shapes.
INT. 12 PASSENGER VAN – MOVING – DAY
Peter continues his conversation about unbrakinesis with his troupe of dancers. Seven performers. We find out they are on the way to an old Victorian theatre to rehearse for an upcoming world tour. He asks has anyone seen Karissa? No-one has heard from her. Peter says enough is enough and he will fire her.
EXT – THEATRE – EUREKA SPRINGS – DAY
They arrive, look over the old building, CAMERON questions why they didn’t hire a studio in the City. They all agree it’s pretty spooky. But their cameras are flashing.
INT. VICTORIAN THATRE – DAY
Deathly black until Peter floods the theatre with light. They stand in awe at the old wall-bank of levers that make up the lighting console. The drapes, the pulleys, the fly rail – a magnificent piece of work.
The trap door BOOMs – scare everyone to death. Everyone looks down into the abyss.
During this time we get to meet the cast and explore the theatre, the prop room, costume department, dressing rooms, green rooms etc. We also see someone making wall shadows.
ON STAGE
As they gather for a rehearsal there’s a horrifying scream.
BATHROOM
In the antiquated bathroom one of the girls has seen a spider crawling – but she says it was a shadow. This brings up the unbrakinesis theory. Peter tells them its ridiculous and will hear no more of it.
ON STAGE
Back on stage they realize their cell-phones are useless in the theatre.
More wall shadows – a finger beckons, AMANDA (22) follows. She’s disappeared so the cast set out to find her. DIMITRIUS shouts for everyone to come to the
PROP ROOM
Amanda is spread eagled over a three foot spike. They must remove her or she will be impaled.
The cast freak out. JOSE asks why Peter brought them there? His answer is he didn’t want any distractions.
AUDITORIUM/HALLWAYS
They find out the exits to the theatre are locked. The windows are unbreakable. JEREMY sits by a wall – some distance away, says nothing.
ACT 2
ON STAGE
They re-group. Peter says that will have to stay overnight, then someone will come looking for them. More denial.
During a shadow shape constructed by the cast a machete appears on the scrim. Peter calls a halt to the rehearsal. Everyone denies doing it. They get pissed off – go their own ways.
HEATHER asks Peter if it could be “him”. Peter responds that he’s dead, how could it be him.
WIG ROOM
Peter takes a cigarette beak. Wall shadows appear. Tense moment. No one answers his calls. Meanwhile in the auditorium the cast are impatient. PEYTON decides to go look for Peter.
WIG ROOM
His decapitated body lays on the floor.
The cast hear her chilling screams – as they run toward her, someone drags Peter’s body away. The cast get to the wig room – a shadow of a guillotine on the wall slowly dissolves – they find nothing. As they leave – Jose tells the cast to look at this – a wig sits on top of Peter’s severed head.
Dimitri tells the cast to gather any belongings and meet onstage –
ON STAGE
They discuss what, what and hoe to get away. Dimitri instructs them to don’t go anywhere alone. Just then Peter’s decapitated body splats onto the stage from above. A machete cuts through safety lines. The cast run fro their lives as stage weights – sand bags – scenic flats drop like bombs – then, the safety curtain drops like a ton of bricks – Cameron has his ankle severed. Dimitri ties a a tourniquet around his thigh – they have to get him out.
The cloaked figure is seen running amok in the fly system – it disappears. They question if the attacker is a shadow? Then debate the theory of unbrakinesisi. Heather comes clean about her ex husband and having an affair with Peter. Not only did Peter take his wife he also screwed him out of this world your deal. Her ex was killed on the way home in a head on collision and was pronounced dead. This causes an uproar. Dimitri keeps the peace but it’s on a knife edge.
A shadow dagger hurls through the air – pierces Heather’s throat. Blood splatters.
Dimitri demands someone throw the light switch – if there’s no light it can’t form a shadow. It’s pitch black – silence – when a candle flips on. The cloaked figure appears and disappears. We realize he can see in the dark. Dimitri opens the trap door, the master falls into the trap. Ot dusts off and ascends the stairs.
Again Dimitri demands they stay together. Jose says it’s everyman for himself and he’s going to find a way out. He makes several attempts then finds himself in the costume shop. A candle flips on – Jose sees a shadow on the wall – hides in the costume rack – runs for it. A medieval spike ball strikes Jose in the head – he’s down but not dead, when the figure bludgeons him to death.
In the prop room the cast find Cameron a wheel chair – he’s becoming delirious. They find pain killers – drug him up. The monster arrives. They escape, except for Jeremy who stands behind the door. Knife ready.
The monster slams a button the the wall. Another trap door opens up. Jeremy falls into a pit. The floor closes up again.
Jeremy is trapped in a tomb and the walls slowly close in, crushing him to death.
There’s only Dimitri, Peyton, Amanda and the wheel chair bound Cameron alive and the monster is in pursuit. Dimitri figures out the only way to form a shadow is through back light so the must stay ahead of the light. Cameron begs the others to leave him. They hide him in a drape on stage – make their way toward the foyer.
The monsters knives slash through the drapes, cut him up.
The auditorium doors are locked. Dimitri uses a an axe to break it down. Peyton decides she needs to use the bathroom. She sits in the toilet – she hears the monster enter. She prepares to leave when a spike comes up through the system, into her body and out of her mouth.
Dimitri and Payton re-hash Peters theory about mediation used to form unbrakenisis. They must break the monsters concentration. They plan a distraction.
Amanda takes up a position on the spotlight. The other entices the monster onto the stage. Once there, they hook its cloak and expose the monster. It’s a decomposing body – full of maggots, dung Beatles and worms etc. The monster forms a javelin and takes out the light.
Demetrius climbs the wall stairs to the fly rail. The monster pursues, throwing daggers and hatchets. Demetrius uses a rope to swing to another rail, they are in the rigging now – the monster was through the ropes, flings anything it can muster at our hero. Then Demetrius is trapped. The roof access door is locked he can’t unlatch it, when, Amanda opens the door from the outside (need to figure out how she gets there) the door swings open and a blaze of sunlight hits the monster. It falls to its death – smashes onto the stage in pieces. Amanda na dDemitruis hug when the door slams shut. They are trapped again
The master is reforming – It summons a batman like pulley-device and fires it toward the roof – lands on the fly rail and charges at Demetrius. Stabs him in the neck.
Amanda reaches for a can of inflammable liquid and deuces the monster, then ignites it. He falls off the fly rail – hits the deck, burning.
The sprinklers turn on, dousing everything in water but this time the monster is burnt to a crisp.
Outside, the medics and police are clearing bodies.
Amanda sits alone wrapped in a blanket when she’s enveloped in a shadow.
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What I learned doing this assignment: Getting something down is important. I know my traits and profiles need elevating, but that will come later.
Lesson 8: Character Journey Track
WHO IS GOING TO EXPERIENCE THIS HORROR
A. What is their character profile
1/ Leader – (40) PETER – G,
Role: Victim. Traits: Self-confident. Charismatic. Dishonest. Fears: Being exposed for his crime. Wants/Needs: Wants success. Needs affirmation. Likability/Rooting factors: Charming and charismatic. How they react under stress: Cold and calculating. Relationship with other characters: Polite but condescending.
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: Lecturing at a college about manipulating shadows.
2. Denial: States it’s impossible to manipulate a shadow.
3. First Reaction to Horror: He dies.
2/ Rescuer – DIMETRIUS (38) AFRICAN AMERICAN
A. What is their character profile
Role: Survivor – until the end. Traits; Artistic. Respectful. Cautious. Fears: Wants/Needs: Wants to get out. Needs to hold the gang together. Likability/Rooting factors: Leads by example. Reliable. How they react under stress: Scrambles to action. Relationship with other characters: Friendly but firm and in charge.
1. Character Intro: Choreographing a shadow routine
2. Denial: Dismissing, but questioning
3. First Reaction to Horror: Questioning motive.
4. Response after First Horror: Tells everybody they must stick together. Support each other.
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Takes charge.
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: More determined to hold the fort. Tries to figure out how to survive.
7. How They Fight Back: Breaks the concentration of the monster so it can’t manipulate. Shines bright light onto the shadow.
8. End Point: He dies.
3/ Monster Bait – AMANDA (22)
A. What is their character profile
Role: Sole Survivor. Traits. Adventurous. Friendly. Caring. Fears: She’ll miss out on life. Wants/Needs: To smoke weed. Needs to take this threat seriously. Likability/Rooting factors: Wears her heart on her sleeve, and her skirt up to her butt. How they react under stress: Scared/Brave. Relationship with other characters: Playful
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: She’s exploring the bowels of the theatre.
2. Denial: Thinks this is fun.
3. First Reaction to Horror: Gets turned on.
4. Response after First Horror: Scared
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Outcast
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: Slowly finds courage.
7. How They Fight Back: Throws a spotlight on the monster – fights the monster along with Demetrius.
8. End Point: The soul survivor – terrified. Covered by a shadow.
4/ Love Interest – HEATHER (32) Asian.
A. What is their character profile
Role: Victim. Traits: Helpful. Intelligent. Gentle. Fears: Others knowing she’s hooked up with Peter G. Wants/Needs. She wants to tell the truth. Need to be more self-resilient. Likability/Rooting factors: She’s caring. How they react under stress: Eventually comes clean about her husband and Umbrakinessi theory. Relationship with other characters: Motherly/possible savior.
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: Arguing with Peter G about the experiment.
2. Denial: Keeps quiet.
3. First Reaction to Horror: Guilt ridden.
4. Response after First Horror: Scared
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Outcast
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: Comes clean about Peter G., and her ex-husbands experiments with umbrakiness.
7. How They Fight Back: Dies whilst running away.
5/ Out of control/Obnoxious – CAMERON (26)
A. What is their character profile
Role: Victim. Traits: Rude. Cruel. Charming. Fears: Claustrophobia Wants/Needs. Wants to be the center of attention. Needs to lose the bitchy persona. Likability/Rooting factors: Not much to like on the surface. How they react under stress: Time to shed the facade and get real. Relationship with other characters: Hateful, then supportive.
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: Bemoaning being in the theatre. Akin to being locked up.
2. Denial: Thinks this is B.S.
3. First Reaction to Horror: Throws up.
4. Response after First Horror: Blames someone in the group.
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Chastising/questioning.
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: Becomes a team player
7. How They Fight Back: Attacks the monster.
8. End Point: Squashed to death.
6/ Complainer – PAYTON (24)
A. What is their character profile
Role: Victim. Traits: Wild. Spoiled. Immature. Fears: Being caught without make-up. Wants/Needs: As Cameron, wants attention. Needs to get that stick out of her ass. Likability/Rooting factors: Her brazenness is funny. How they react under stress: Matter of fact. Relationship with other characters: It’s all about her.
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: Doing her make-up
2. Denial: It doesn’t matter.
3. First Reaction to Horror: Matter of fact.
4. Response after First Horror: It better not come near me.
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Indifference.
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do.
7. How They Fight Back: Dies whilst using the bathroom
7/ Rebel/Rule Breaker – JOSE (30) – Latin.
A. What is their character profile
Role: Victim. Traits: Demanding. Selfish. Brave. Fears: Not much. Wants/Needs: To kick this things ass. Needs to think things through. Likability/Rooting factors: He’s gonna save the day in his own way. How they react under stress: Like a bull to a red flag. Relationship with other characters: Friendly but distant.
B. Character journey.
1. Character Intro: Doing push-ups
2. Denial: No big deal.
3. First Reaction to Horror: Oh, shit!
4. Response after First Horror: I’m gonna get it before it gets me.
5. Relation to Group after First Horror: Each man to himself.
6. Reaction as Horror Increases: Desperation.
7. How They Fight Back: Dies
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What I learned from doing this assignment. The more layers we add the more complex the story becomes, and less superficial. Meaning grows with each layer.
ACT 1
Atmosphere Of Evil Established: A girl walks along a deserted path. The shadows appear ominous.
Demand (Curiosity – what is this thing?
Horror situation: She’s uneasy, sees shadows, her own, someone else’s. Then objects. She’s freaked out. The lights go out. She’s alone. Her cell phone is dead.
Reaction Escape: The girl hears someone, panics and runs off the beaten path through the woods.
Horror situation: She’s being chased, by something, holding a meat cleaver. But there is no one to be seen – just the weapon.
Death #1: The meat cleaver comes down on her, slashing her to bits – In the distance there is a cloaked figure, watching. (Monster reveal)
Connect With The Characters: A lecturer Peter G talks about the art of Umbrakinesis and its power then takes a group of shadow dancers to an old victorian theatre to test out its theories.
The characters are warned not to do it: He’s hired them to demystify a myth – that the theatre is haunted by shadows.
Denial Of Horror: The producer assures the cast its all bull shit. Suggests if they want a paycheck and a chance at stardom then need to unpack and meet for rehearsal.
Safety Taken Away: No bodies cell phone works. So they try the doors
Horror Situation: All the doors have become locked.
Reaction: Confusion and anger.
Horror Situation. They try the emergency exits and system. Then the windows, but nothing works
Demand: Conflict. The cast argue amongst themselves about what to do.
Reaction Denial: “Let’s all calm down, block a scene. Something will work out in the morning.”
Monster: The Nature Of The Beast. The cast members start to see shadow figures in the theatre, and then shadows are manipulated onto the walls. A waving finger beckons one of the troupe to follow.
Horror Situation: They hear screaming coming from the prop room.
Reaction: They run downstairs, to find one of dancers (Amanda) spread-eagled over a three foot spike.
Demand: Terror: Whatever is going on, someone is trying to kill us.
Horror Situation: Unless they can remove the girl before the ropes burn through, she will be impaled.
Reaction. After some near disasters, they remove the girl, but she’s injured and will require medical attention.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated/trapped/abducted: They regroup. Decide all they can do is prepare for the concert.
Horror Situation – run a routine – going well until a shadow wields a life threatening weapon.
Reaction: The director floods the stage with light. Demands to know who was holding the machete. No one owns up. They go their own ways – each distrusting and pissed at each other.
Horror Situation; One of the girls screams out in the costume department.
Reaction: They rush down to see a shadow of a Guillotine on the wall. It disappears. The washers is running the dryer is running.
Horror Situation: On a wall the audience sees a decapitated body dragged away.
Death #2: In a row of wigs, one of the styrofoam heads is the severed head of Peter G.
MID POINT – They know that unless they can get out, they will all die.
Full pursuit by the killer: The cast gathers onstage
Horror situation: The decapitated body drops to the floor from the fly system – splatters the stage.
Reaction: The cast are freaked out, trying to make sense of all this madness. Why is it happening to us.
Terrorized:
Horror situation: A machete slashes safety lines. A rain of sandbags and stage weights descend form the fly-system – exploding like bombs.
Reaction: The cast runs for cover.
Horror Situation: A cast member gets caught up in the curtains.
Demand: Discovery – they realize what’s killing is a shadow
Death #3: We HEAR the slashing of the knife – and SEE the curtain being splattered with blood – severed limbs spill out from under the curtain.
ACT 3
Fight to the death: The director kills the lights. The theatre is pitch back. He figures if there is no light, the master cannot create a shadow.
Demand: Putting together the pieces – if there is no light, there can be no shadow.
Horror situation: Candle lights flip on. They see a cloaked figure.
Reaction: They run – separate ways. The director peels off and pulls on a lever. The monster disappears into the trap room under the stage.
Hysteria:
Horror Situation: We realize the master can see in the dark. He dusts himself off – walks up the stairs.
Reaction: A cast member hides in a dressing, between costumes.
Horror situation: The monster moves into the room. Flips on candles. Searches around the room. No where else to look, it pulls back the costumes.
Reaction: The cast member bolts for it, but the monster summons a medieval spike ball and chain shadow and hurls it. It strikes the cast member on the back of the head.
Horror Situation: Death #4: The cast member is stunned and bleeding but alive when the monster picks up the ball and repeatedly slams it into the cast members body.
Cast members run into the prop storage room – find knives and body armor.
Horror Situation: The monster arrives. A cast member stands behind a door ready to strike. It sees blood on the floor from the injured girl.
Reaction: The monster slams on a button on the wall. The floor under the cast member opens up an she falls into a pit. The poor closes up again.
Horror situation: Death #5 Jose is trapped in a tomb and the walls slowly close in, crushing him to death.
Reaction: The remaining cast member throws a rope net over the monster and escapes.
Demand: Putting the pieces together. I’ll stay in front of the light – if there’s no back light he can’t create a shadow.
Upstairs the three survivors run towards the foyer – when nature calls – she has to use the bathroom.
Horror Situation: She sits in the toilet – she hears the monster enter.
Reaction: She prepares to leave when.
Death #6: A spike comes up through the system, into her body and out of her mouth.
Demand: Trying to figure out the mystery – it creates mayhem through meditation – have to distract it to break its concentration.
The Thrilling Escape From Death: They have figured out what can kill a shadow is direct light. One takes a position on the spotlight. The other entices the monster onto the stage. Once there, they hook its cloak and expose the monster. It’s a decomposing body – full of maggots, dung Beatles and worms etc. It’s agonized dying. In a last gasp effort it form a shadow of a javelin and takes out the light.
Reaction: The cast member scales the wall ladders up to the fly rail.
Horror Situation. The monster is in pursuit – throwing daggers and hatchets.
On the rail the cast member is cornered. The monster creates a sledge hammer – starts to break up the rail.
Reaction: The cast member grabs onto a fly rope – swings off of the rail to another wall ladder. Heads toward the roof.
Horror Situation: The monster is firing arrows, spears, anything he can muster.
At the roof access the door is locked – Our cast member is about to die. The the door releases.
Reaction: He allows sunlight to hit the monster – he backs off and falls three stories to its death –
Horror Situation: The lovers unite, when the wind throws the access door shut.
Death returns to take one more effort to kill
Horror Situation: The monster regains its power. It summons a batman like pulley-device and fires it toward the roof – lands on the fly rail and charges at the last guy. Stabs him in the neck.
Reaction: The girl reaches for a can of inflammable liquid and deuces the monster, then ignites it. He falls off the fly rail – hits the deck, burning.
The sprinklers turn on, dousing everything in water but this time the monster is burnt to a crisp.
Resolution: Outside, the medics and police are clearing bodies.
Horror Situation: The girl sits alone in a blanket when she suddenly sees a shadow.
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What I learned doing this assignment: Going through this process fuels ideas and elevates the outline.
Character death 1. Peter G is guillotined.
Why: He’s the leader and skeptical of the reality. How: Charges blindly into action.
Character death 2. Cameron. Is slashed to death inside a curtain.
Why: It increases the horror. How: His attempt to escape leads to his downfall.
Character death 3. Heather. She’s bludgeoned by a medieval spiked ball.
Why: She’s in denial. How: Attempts something that fails.
Character death 4. Jose. Squashed inside moving walls.
Why: They made a bad decision. How: Backs into it.
Character death 5. Payton. – Impaled while using the toilet.
Why: A character flaw: How: Backs into it.
Character death 6. Amanda
Why: The monster made the decision. How: Sacrificed.
Character Death #7 Demetrius Has his throat ripped open.
Why: During the final fight, he loses. How: In battle
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Lesson 5 Horror Situation Track
What I learned from doing this assignment. Wow! Where to start. Working on these plot tracks is a great way to elevate an outline while on the go. It’s friggin’ hard IMHO
ACT 1
Atmosphere Of Evil Established: A girl walks along a deserted path. The shadows appear ominous.
Horror situation: The lights go out. She’s alone. Her cell phone is dead
Reaction Escape: The girl hears someone, panics and runs off the beaten path through the woods.
Horror situation: She’s being chased, by something holding a meat cleaver. But there is no one there.
Death #1: The meat cleaver comes down on her, slashing her to bits – In the distance there is a figure, watching.
Connect With The Characters: A group of shadow dancers meet up at an old victorian theatre to start a six week run,
The characters are warned not to do it: One of the characters tells everyone the theatre is haunted and they should find another venue.
Denial Of Horror: The producer assures the cast its all bull shit. Suggests if they want a paycheck and a chance at stardom then need to unpack and meet for rehearsal.
Safety Taken Away: No bodies cell phone works. So they try the doors
Horror Situation: All the doors have become locked.
Reaction: Confusion and anger.
Horror Situation. They try the emergency exits and system. Then the windows, but nothing works
Reaction Denial: “Let’s all calm down, block a scene. Something will work out in the morning.”
Monster: The Nature Of The Beast. The cast members start to see shadow figures in the theatre, and then shadows are manipulated onto the walls. A waving finger beckons one of the troupe to follow.
Horror Situation: They hear screaming coming from the prop room.
Reaction: They run downstairs, to find one of dancers spread-eagled over a three foot spike.
Horror Situation: Unless they can remove the girl before the ropes burn through, she will be impaled.
Reaction. After some near disasters, they remove the girl, but she’s injured and will require medical attention.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated/trapped/abducted: They regroup. Decide all they can do is prepare for the concert.
Horror Situation – run a routine – going well until a shadow wields a life threatening weapon.
Reaction: The director floods the stage with light. Demands to know who was holding the machete. No one owns up. They go their own ways – each distrusting and pissed at each other.
Horror Situation; One of the girls screams out in the costume department.
Reaction: They rush down to see a shadow of a Guillotine on the wall. It disappears. The washers is running the dryer is running.
Horror Situation: On a wall the audience sees a decapitated body dragged away.
Death #2: In a row of wigs, one of the styrofoam heads is the real girl with her head severed.
MID POINT – They know that unless they can get out, they will all die.
Full pursuit by the killer: The cast gathers onstage
Horror situation: The decapitated body drops to the floor from the fly system – splatters the stage.
Reaction: The cast are freaked out, trying to make sense of all this madness. Why is it happening to us.
Terrorized:
Horror situation: A machete slashes safety lines. A rain of sandbags and stage weights descend form the fly-system – exploding like bombs.
Reaction: The cast runs for cover.
Horror Situation: A cast member gets caught up in the curtains.
Death #3: We HEAR the slashing of the knife – and SEE the curtain being splattered with blood – severed limbs spill out from under the curtain.
ACT 3
Fight to the death: The director kills the lights. The theatre is pitch back. He figures if there is no light, the master cannot create a shadow.
Horror situation: Candle lights flip on. They see a cloaked figure.
Reaction: They run – separate ways. The director peels off and pulls on a lever. The monster disappears into the trap room under the stage.
Hysteria:
Horror Situation: We realize the master can see in the dark. He dusts himself off – walks up the stairs.
Reaction: A cast member hides in a dressing, between costumes.
Horror situation: The monster moves into the room. Flips on candles. Searches around the room. No where else to look, it pulls back the costumes.
Reaction: The cast member bolts for it, but the monster summons a medieval spike ball and chain shadow and hurls it. It strikes the cast member on the back of the head.
Horror Situation: Death #4: The cast member is stunned and bleeding but alive when the monster picks up the ball and repeatedly slams it into the cast members body.
Cast members run into the prop storage room – find knives and body armor.
Horror Situation: The monster arrives. A cast member stands behind a door ready to strike. It sees blood on the floor from the injured girl.
Reaction: The monster slams on a button on the wall. The floor under the cast member opens up an she falls into a pit. The poor closes up again.
Horror situation: Death #5 The girl is trapped in a tomb and the walls slowly close in, crushing her to death.
Reaction: The remaining cast member throws a rope net over the monster and escapes.
Upstairs the three survivors run towards the foyer – when nature calls – she has to use the bathroom.
Horror Situation: She sits in the toilet – she hears the monster enter.
Reaction: She prepares to leave when.
Death #6: A spike comes up through the system, into her body and out of her mouth.
The Thrilling Escape From Death: They have figured out what can kill a shadow is direct light. One takes a position on the spotlight. The other entices the monster onto the stage. Once their they hook its cloak and expose the monster. It’s a decomposing body – full of maggots, dung Beatles and worms etc. It’s agonized dying. In a last gasp effort it form a shadow of a javelin and takes out the light.
Reaction: The cast member scales the wall ladders up to the fly rail.
Horror Situation. The monster is in pursuit – throwing daggers and hatchets.
On the rail the cast member is cornered. The monster creates a sledge hammer – starts to break up the rail.
Reaction: The cast member grabs onto a fly rope – swings off of the rail to another wall ladder. Heads toward the roof.
Horror Situation: The monster is firing arrows, spears, anything he can muster.
At the roof access the door is locked – Our cast member is about to die. The the door releases.
Reaction: He allows sunlight to hit the monster – he backs off and falls three stories to its death –
Horror Situation: The lovers unite, when the wind throws the access door shut.
Death returns to take one more effort to kill
Horror Situation: The monster regains its power. It summons a batman like pulley-device and fires it toward the roof – lands on the fly rail and charges at the last guy. Stabs him in the neck.
Reaction: The girl reaches for a can of inflammable liquid and deuces the monster, then ignites it. He falls off the fly rail – hits the deck, burning.
The sprinklers turn on, dousing everything in water but this time the monster is burnt to a crisp.
Resolution: Outside, the medics and police are clearing bodies.
Horror Situation: The girl sits alone in a blanket when she suddenly sees a shadow.
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What I learned is this needs to be fleshed out – character names etc – how I do certain things, but its a start at least.
Act 1
Establish evil
Girl, member of shadow dance troupe and karate black belt, walks home from a party, steps into the shadows is brutally murdered.
Connect With The Characters
Rehearsal for the gig, the girl that died doesn’t show up. Far from being devastated by her death, the producer Is pissed because she’s not at rehearsal. He demands they all continue with the gig or be fired.
The Characters Are Warned Not To Do It
The gig is for a Halloween TV special (maybe ) at an old Victorian theatre. The theatre is meant to be haunted after an actor was killed some years ago. But they go regardless.
Denial Of Horror
The producer assures the cast that they will be totally safe. The first sign of trouble he will stop the production.
Safety Taken Away
None of the cell phones work in the theatre.
Monster: The Nature Of The Beast.
We see glimpses of shadows on walls. Different forms – animals, weapons, etc as though someone is manipulating them. One of the cast steps on s spike. It’s passed off as a natural hazard in an old theatre be the audience know different.
ACT 2
Isolation/ Trapped
Tempers fray and one of the cast quits. But he can’t exit the theatre . All doors are locked. The others are getting exasperated.
One Of Us Is Killed
One of the cast is mutilated.
Mid point- the cast realises they have been purposefully trapped and are about to die
Full pursuit by the killer
The killer takes another life, during a staged position, we see the showdown of an axe tear into a cast member
Terrorised
The lights go out. The killer who we realize is a shadow, cant be seen.
ACT 3
Fight To The Death
The producer and love interest are nearly killed. We learn the love interest was once the killers love interest.
Hysteria
There’s killings in the costume department, the props room, the auditorium, back stage.
The thrilling escape from death
Two of the cast make it out through the fly system and loft onto the roof. Manage to scale the building.
Death returns to take one more
But the killer returns to take one of them out.
Resolution
The remaining cast member puts the shadow in a spotlight? But it’s cloak drops to the ground and there’s nothing there. The cast member has a nervous breakdown. Then a shadow appears.
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LESSON 3 Survivors And Victims
What I learned from this assignment is that I’ve always wanted to write a one-location script and now’s my chance.
Concept: Shadow Dancers are slaughtered while rehearsing for their breakthrough show.
THE GROUP
A team of professional shadow dancers.
DYING PATTERN
8 dancers are slaughtered in a Victorian Theatre.
WHO IS GOING TO EXPERIENCE THIS HORROR
1/ Leader – The producer of the troupe who demanded they come together to rehearse in this old theater. He’s more of a boss than a leader and listens to no-one but himself.
2/ Rescuer – The choreographer who leads by example, and has his feet firmly on the ground and keeps the team together.
3/ Monster Bait – Young girl out of college on her first professional gig. Looking for excitement.
4/ Love Interest – Lover of the troupe member who mysteriously disappeared after they got their breakthrough contract. Having an affair with the producer.
5/ introvert/Loner – A non-binary individual who stays quiet.
6/ Out of control/Obnoxious – Thinks its ridiculous to come to this theatre – is intolerant of others – questions everyone.
7/ Complainer – Has allergies – costumes don’t fit – props are too heavy etc
8/ Rebel/Rule Breaker – Once the mayhem starts looks to find their own way out – each man to himself.
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What I learned is – developing these criteria will help shape the story
1. TERROR
How does the monster terrorize? – appears in the shadows, then disappears.
How does the monster pursue? – in the dark, unseen, without warning.
How does the monster isolate? – in blackness. It can see you – you can’t see it.
What is the terrible thing they do? – eats vital organs from inside the body – slices and dices – tears people to shreds
How does the monster cause death? – It morphs into anything, a wild animal, a meat clever, a ventilator etc – and kills accordingly.
What makes them inescapable? – you are exposed in blackness where the figure can envelope you.
2. MYSTERY
What is the main monster mystery? – How can we stop this figure killing when it doesn’t exist.
3. FEAR PROVOKING APPEARANCE – The many faces of fear.
A black cloak that hangs on nothing and transforms into demonic creatures, rabid animals, chainsaws and the like – and underneath the cloak is a decomposing body – festered with insects.
4. RULES
The monster creates and manipulates a shadow – that becomes a weapon of death or defense shield.
5. MYTHOLOGY (to be explained in a sequel)
After securing a life changing contract for a shadow group, her fellow cast-members steal the rights to the product and in the ensuing melee, Lexus is killed, but she doesn’t die, and wants revenge.
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What I learned doing this assignment is:
It’s not just about slashing people to death – it’s about building tension throughout and layering the events so the final kill attempt is gut wrenching.
1/ Title: CHILDS PLAY – Concept: a toy doll becomes psychotic serial killer.
2/ Terror: Drags mom’s boyfriend off of a ladder, uses an automatic lawn mower to chop him up. Puts the Cop’s mom in a driverless car that he controls, and sends her to her death. Takes over the electronics in the Superintendent’s basement, then slashes him with his knife before turning up the heat so he drops off a beam into a table cutter. Shows up on supermarket TV’s – sends propeller slashing drone toys to kill shoppers. Activates Buddy bear toys to help kill the kid. Puts the kids mom in a noose and raises her up to hang.
3/ Isolation: Basement – Driverless Car – Supermarket – One room apartment.
4/ Death: Murders moms boyfriend – Cops Mom – Creepy apartment superintendent – shoppers
5/ Monster: A robotic doll, Chucky that utilizes the cloud for its own power
6/ High Tension: This builds. Murders moms boyfriend – then we see on a cell phone connection he’s about to kill the Cops mom – the superintendent fixes the doll but we know what’s coming, his horrific death – a supermarket full of innocent people are murdered. The kid goes back into the supermarket to save his mom and confront Chucky.
7/ Departure from reality: A toy doll reads havoc with a mind of its own.
8/ Moral statement: Don’t mess with toy dolls. Or, if you do, don’t make promises to be a friend and don’t keep them.
Anything else you’d like to say: The script was filled with humor and the tension evolved from comedy-horror to pure horror. Thought it was pretty dumb at first but it became more engaging and tension filled as it progressed to a pretty fun/dastardly ending.
My Concept
1/ Title: THE SHADOW – Concept: A shadow figure exacts revenge on a troupe of shadow entertainers.
2/ Terror: Anywhere its dark. – Don’t turn the light off at night.
3/ Isolation: The short-cut home. One room apartment. Rehearsal hall. Back stage in a Victorian Theatre. Theatre auditorium.
4/ Death: The troupe one by one – except one. (Or two)
5/ Monster: A crazed person who can become a shadow figure for real – who used to be part of the troupe –
6/ High Tension: Dark alley after the cell phone light goes dead. During a show when the troupe perform – and we know the shadow figure will strike – rehearsal room when the lights fail –
7/ Departure from reality: A person dies bur comes back to life as a shadow figure.
8/ Moral statement: – Honesty – don’t screw people for gain.
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Hello, my name is Ricki Holmes
I’ve stumbled through about a dozen scripts and a couple of books.
By accident I wrote a horror short and it became a finalist in a competition – the next day I saw this class so thought it might be an idea if I actually had an idea of how to do it.
After reading Jason’s I have nothing.
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I agree to the terms of this release form
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Hi Carolyn, I’m loving your concept.