Rob Sutherland
Forum Replies Created
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Rob’s Dialogue 7 – 8
Reworked a scene between Madeleine and David which reveals more of their history together and the tension between them over the years.
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Rob’s Dialogue 4 – 6
Added a scene in which David says he will keep Madeleine safe which foreshadows that she is going to face danger.
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Rob’s Dialogue 1 and 2
Rewrote a scene with Detective White and added in his character trait about his passion for justice and conflict with his subordinates.
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Rob’s Completed PS Grid 2
Added a sequence to Act 3 that has really lifted one of the major character conflicts and empathy using Undeserved Misfortune.
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Rob’s Completed PS Grid 1
Shuffled some scenes around in Act 5 to make it work better.
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Rob has finished Act 4 and 5
Feeling good to have a first draft at last. Keen to keep practicing this high Speed Writing thing. I think it’s got heaps of potential.
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Rob Finished Act 3
Found it harder not to edit this act because I was dropping in some scenes from my source material and tried to make it fit rather than just dump it in.. Anyway, still enjoying the writing and moving forward.
Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. A
Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. B
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. B
Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A
Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. B
Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! B
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Rob’s Finished Act 2
Same again – forgot to post but enjoying the writing.
Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. A
Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. B
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. B
Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A
Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. B
Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! B
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Rob’s Finished Act 1
I forgot to post because I just kept hammering with the script. Really enjoying it now that I am writing from the outline and getting some words on the page.
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Rob’s Finished Wordsmithing!
Finally finished the polish on the draft. Took longer than expected but I’m reasonably happy with it. The main changes were to trim it down, streamline the description. I managed to get rid of most of the widows and I found it a really valuable discipline to find ways to cut and trim. I think it’s a better, faster read now.
Very keen to exchange feedback … if I’m not too late to join the party?
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Rob’s High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m now really looking forward to getting stuck into the details of this story. Feel like my outline is reasonably strong and feeling hopeful it’ll come together as we move forward.
I’m a bit behind the rest of the group but hoping to catch up pretty soon using these high speed, un-critical, permission-to-write-crap processes.
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Rob’s Outline with Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is the benefit of really drilling into each scene to ensure it contains enough intrigue to warrant staying in the script, and to ensure that the scenes all for from one to another in a sequence of cause and effect rather than random events.
This one took me a long time. I think it was worth it. I skipped a few of the short scenes which were really just intercuts with other scenes.
TEASER:
INT. CLUB – NIGHT (Secret Identity)
A young stud tries to hit on an attractive woman, but she rebuffs him.
Start: A woman sits at a bar
Challenging Situation: A stud tries to hit on her
Conflict: The woman doesn’t want to talk to the stud
Action: The stud pretends to be cool
Finish: The stud gives up and leaves her alone
Open Loop: Who is this gorgeous woman? What is going to happen to her?
Mystery: Why is she in the bar?
Empathy/Distress: Is she going to offend the stud by rebuffing him
Payoff: None – this is Scene 1
Irony: None
Setup: The woman’s identity and true intentions are about to be revealed
EXT. STREET / ALLEYWAY – NIGHT (INTRIGUING WORLD)
The young stud and his friends try to rape the woman but she turns out to be a demon in disguise and kills them all.
Start: The woman strolls down the street
Challenging Situation: She is attacked by the studs
Conflict: The studs are planning to rape her
Action: The studs drag her into an alleyway
Finish: The woman kills them – reveal: she lured them there in the first place!
Open Loop: Who is this demon and what are her intentions?
Mystery: Why did she kill the youths? Who else has she killed?
Empathy/Distress: This woman is evil and super-dangerous
Payoff: She was only pretending to be vulnerable but actually just lured them into a trap
Irony: Classic trope – “Mugging the monster”
Setup: Demons are at large and someone is going to have to stop them.
ACT 1:
INT. MUSEUM – DAY (IMMINENT THREAT)
We meet Julia Lockhart, an archaeologist, chatting with a close colleague about her recent failed archaeological dig. Her boss, Vincent, summons her to his office.
Says to herself “Suck it up, Julia. Behave yourself.”
Start: Julia is trying not to think about her failed dig
Challenging Situation: A colleague asks her about it
Conflict: Julia is avoiding talking about it
Action: Walking through the dinosaur exhibits
Finish: Julia’s boss, Vincent, summons her to his office
Open Loop: How is Vincent going to react?
Mystery: Why is Julia’s boss angry?
Empathy/Distress: Julia is worried about her boss
Payoff: None – this is the start of act 1
Irony: The dig was a failure – but actually a world-shattering success
Setup: Vincent is a bully.
INT. VINCENT’S OFFICE – DAY (HIDDEN AGENDA)
Vincent chastises Julia for the money wasted on the dig, which was organised based on her instincts and research, then sends her away contemptuously.
Start: Vincent calmly asks about the dig. Julia is nervous
Challenging Situation: Vincent is angry about money and reputation wasted on the dig and belittles Julia for her failure
Conflict: Vincent explodes in rage
Action: Julia takes it, then explodes back at him and gets fired
Finish: Julia gets fired
Open Loop: What was Julia supposed to find on the dig that Vincent expected?
Mystery: Why is Vincent so angry? Why did it matter to him so much?
Empathy/Distress: Julia is bullied by her boss
Payoff: Vincent is a bully
Irony: Vincent fires Julia even though she is the one who has what he needs
Setup: What Julia found on the dig will change the fate of the world.
INT. JULIA’S OFFICE AT THE MUSEUM – DAY (WOUND)
Julia catalogues a few uninteresting items (bones, etc) collected from the dig, fuming at her mistreatment by her boss.
Her friend / colleague suggests they grab a drink but she has undefined, mysterious “plans” for the evening. Her colleague asks if she has a big night planned. “Something like that.”
Start: Julia unhappily packs her things
Challenging Situation: She is unhappy about being fired and kicks herself for her rebelliousness
Conflict: Julia wonders whether to apologise or not
Action: Her colleague asks her out for a consoling drink
Finish: Julia sadly leaves her office and shuts the door on an Indiana Jones poster
Open Loop: What is Julia going to do now for work?
Mystery: Why is Julia so passionate about archaeology?
Empathy/Distress: Julia has no job now!
Payoff: Julia told herself to behave and then failed to do so.
Irony: Julia being fired takes her away from the den of evil of her boss
Setup: Julia is ready for a new challenge – fighting demons!
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY (STRANGE BEHAVIOUR)
Detective Brendan White investigates the scene of the young studs’ deaths as his team collects evidence. He has a prosthetic arm.
One of his colleagues urges him to return to the station about a development in another case.
Start: Studs have been murdered
Challenging Situation: Cops collect evidence about the studs’ death – wonder if it is murder or suicide, jurisdictional conflict with local police
Conflict: Detective White takes control from a doofus homicide detective
Action: White demonstrates his smarts, wit and authority
Finish: White takes control of the scene, then departs
Open Loop: Will Detective White find the killer, and what will he do if he does?
Mystery: What is the significance of Detective White scratching his prosthetic arm? How did he lose his arm?
Empathy/Distress: Four dead kids and no clues to the killer
Payoff: The demon’s victims’ bodies have been found
Irony: The cops are looking for a murderer, but will get a shock if they find her!
Setup: White is a respected cop with authority and dogged determination and will find his prey
INT. POLICE CAR – DAY (MYSTERY)
En-route, Detective White glances at a headline at a newsstand: “Mirage at Large”, and scowls.
Start: White is on his way to the police station
Challenging Situation: Bad traffic (“Now there’s a creative interpretation of the road rules”)
Conflict: White is angry about the Mirage
Action: White chats with his colleague as they travel
Finish: They get to the station
Open Loop: Who is the Mirage and why is White angry at him?
Mystery: What is White’s history with The Mirage?
Empathy/Distress: White doesn’t believe in luck or chance
Payoff: White has a phantom itch
Irony: White is a gambler
Setup: We are shortly to discover who the Mirage is.
INT. POLICE STATION HOLDING CELL – DAY (STRANGE BEHAVIOUR)
Detective White interviews a criminal, Adrian Morris, after a human-trafficking bust. White knows Morris as a brutal psychopath, but now Morris is sobbing remorsefully and confessing after being captured by a mysterious figure he calls “The Mirage”.
Start: Adrian Morris has been arrested
Challenging Situation: Morris is terrified of the Mirage
Conflict: White can’t get anything useful from the convict
Action: White interrogates Morris
Finish: White abandons the interrogation
Open Loop: Will White catch the Mirage?
Mystery: What did the Mirage do to Morris?
Empathy/Distress: White just wants to find out what happened
Payoff: This is the situation mentioned at the crime scene
Irony: White is angry even though a hardened criminal has been brought to justice
Setup: White is going to hunt the Mirage
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE – DAY (MYSTERY)
White confers with colleagues about Morris’s apparent conversion and confession as a result of his encounter with the Mirage.
He interviews one of the trafficking victims who saw the Mirage as he intercepted the truck carrying the abductees, but the information is sketchy.
They look at Morris’s dash cam footage, revealing a dark and powerful figure with a face hidden in heat haze.
Start: White is skeptical about Morris’s “performance”
Challenging Situation: Conflicting and confusing information about Morris and his encounter with the Mirage
Conflict: White wants to catch the Mirage and Morris isn’t helping
Action: White confers with colleagues and abductees
Finish: White wants to solve this mystery
Open Loop:
Mystery: Who is the Mirage?
Empathy/Distress: Scary pics of the Mirage
Payoff: This is what Morris was talking about
Irony:
Setup: White is going to hunt the Mirage
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT (IMMINENT THREAT)
Julia leaves the museum. As she climbs into a taxi she notices someone stalking her from the shadows.
Start: Julia is unhappy with being fired
Challenging Situation: someone is stalking her
Conflict: Fear of the stalker
Action: Gets into a taxi and flees
Finish: Gets into a taxi and flees
Open Loop: Will she get caught by this stalker?
Mystery: Who is the stalker and why is he interested?
Empathy/Distress: Fear of the stalker
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: Julia is being hunted by someone for some reason
INT. TAXI – NIGHT (STRANGE BEHAVIOUR)
Julia arrives at a bar.
Start: Julia is en-route to the bar
Challenging Situation: Confusion and doubt about what she is doing
Conflict: Getting lost and confused
Action: Looks about, finding her way, then recognises a place
Finish: Gets out of the taxi
Open Loop: What is Julia doing?
Mystery: Why did Julia come to the bar?
Empathy/Distress: Julia seems lost
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: She is about to meet the Mirage
INT. BAR
Julia has a drink, alone, aimless, unclear why she is there.
Start: Julia has a drink alone
Challenging Situation: Not knowing why she is there or what she is looking for
Conflict: Confusion
Action: Has a drink and chats with the barman
Finish: Still confused
Open Loop:
Mystery: What is Julia doing here?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony: This is the “big night” her colleague referred to
Setup:
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
The stalker watches her through the window.
Open Loop: Who is this stalker?
Mystery: Why is he after Julia?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: Julia is about to be attacked
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Julia chats briefly with the bar tender. He appears to notice someone outside in the shadows, but dismisses it.
Start: The barman is friendly and nondescript
Challenging Situation: Wondering if someone is outside
Conflict: Julia is in danger without knowing it
Action: Chatting with the barman
Finish: Julia leaves the bar
Open Loop: Did the bartender see or just sense someone outside?
Mystery: Who is the stalker?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony: This is the Mirage and she doesn’t know it yet
Setup: The Mirage knows when he is being watched
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
Julia exits the bar, sees the stalker and hurries away. The stalker follows.
Start: Julia exits the bar
Challenging Situation: A stalker is on her tail
Conflict: The stalker chases her
Action: Julia flees
Finish: Julia flees and hides
Open Loop: Who is the stalker
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Fear
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: The Mirage is about to rescue her
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – NIGHT
The stalker accosts her and asks her about “The Blade”. She doesn’t know what he is talking about. The barman intervenes and the stalker reveals itself as a powerful demon.
The barman fights it off, ramming it into a concrete pylon, and they flee to safety.
Start: Julia flees from the stalker
Challenging Situation: The stalker is a demon
Conflict: The demon wants something from her but she doesn’t understand
Action: The barman rescues her
Finish: She and the barman flee from the demon
Open Loop: What is “the blade” that the demon refers to? Who is this guy who can fight demons?
Mystery: What do the demons want and why?
Empathy/Distress: Terrifying demons
Payoff: The bartender is not an ordinary guy
Irony: We thought the bartender was going to get killed … but no!
Setup: The Mirage has revealed himself
ACT 2:
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Having fled to safety, Julia asks the barman about the demon and about himself. He dismisses her questions and departs.
Start: Julia is terrified by the encounter with the demon
Challenging Situation: Fear of the demon
Conflict: The barman is taciturn; Julia has lots of questions
Action: They talk in the street as they flee through the crowd
Finish: The barman departs
Open Loop: What is Julia going to do next?
Mystery: Who is the bartender?
Empathy/Distress: The demon attack
Payoff:
Irony: The Mirage abandons Julia even though she can help him
Setup: They re going to get together
EXT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The barman (David) collects the mail and then enters the house, stepping smoothly, ghostlike, THROUGH the front door.
Start: David arrives home
Challenging Situation: checks for surveillance
Conflict: Is anyone watching
Action: Steps through the front door
Finish: Enters the house
Open Loop: The bartender has powers
Mystery: What else can he do and who is he?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. MADELEINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
We meet Madeleine, 85. David reveals his encounter with the demon, clearly not the first he has encountered.
Start: Madeleine is in bed; David enters
Challenging Situation: David is concerned about the demon encounter
Conflict: Madeleine is encouraging; David is despondent, fearful
Action: David agrees to continue his search
Finish: David leaves
Open Loop: What is David searching for?
Mystery: Who is David?
Empathy/Distress: David is sad and lonely
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David is going to hunt demons
EXT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia glances about, furtive, anxious, then unlocks her front door and enters.
A figure watches her from the shadows. It is David. He vanishes and appears …
Start: David watches Julia
Challenging Situation: Julia is mysterious and he wants to know more about her
Conflict: Julia is secretive
Action: David teleports into Julia’s house
Finish: David enters Julia’s house
Open Loop: What is Julia up to?
Mystery: Who is Julia?
Empathy/Distress: She is afraid
Payoff:
Irony: She doesn’t know she is being watched, and David doesn’t know who he is watching!
Setup: David is about to find out some key info
INT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
… beside Julia in her living room – but he is invisible to her. He watches her as she moves about the house.
He is shocked when she reveals hand-drawn pictures of the demon they just encountered, along with many others, and of himself.
Open Loop: What do the pictures mean?
Mystery: Where did they come from
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: Julia is not just anybody
Irony: Julia doesn’t know anything about the pictures even though she drew them
Setup: Julia has access to some key info
ACT 3:
Julia is terrified as David reveals himself, materialising before her. He asks about the pictures which she says she drew – based on images in her dreams.
She asks for his help to understand but he refuses, saying to forget about him, then vanishes again.
Start: David watches Julia
Challenging Situation: Julia reveals pictures
Conflict: David is surprised and angry
Action: David appears and interrogates her
Finish: David departs
Open Loop: As above
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – DAY
David returns to the scene of the demon attack and watches the fight he had with the demon as though looking back through time.
He looks closely where the demon made contact with the pylon and collects something in a vial, then vanishes again.
Start: David returns to the scene of the attack
Challenging Situation: Collecting samples of demon essence
Conflict: Avoiding being seen by passers by, demons etc
Action: David collects samples
Finish: David leaves with the samples
Open Loop: What is David going to do with these samples
Mystery: Who is David and what does he know about demons
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David is going to test the sample
INT. MADELEINE’S KITCHEN – DAY
David materialises beside Madeleine, who is unfazed by his sudden appearance.
He shows her the vial and she crosses her fingers for luck.
Start: Madeleine is doing dishes
Challenging Situation: David is tense about the forthcoming experiment
Conflict: David fights doubt and
Action: David chats with Madeleine then …
Open Loop: What is David up to?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: This is one of many failed tests
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. MADELEINE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
David sinks into the floor, passing through the floorboards …
Finish: … David descends into the floor
INT. GROUND – DAY
David passes through the soil, rock, etc, descending into …
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David descends from the ceiling and lands nimbly on the floor.
He puts the contents of the vial through various processes – chemicals, arcane substances, artefacts – but he is disappointed with the result.
Start: David descends into his underground lab
Challenging Situation: Wrestling with the demon’s essence – it fights back like an angry bug
Conflict: David fights to get the essence into the vial
Action: David tests the essence, then destroys it
Finish: The experiment has failed
Open Loop: What is david hunting for? What does a failed experiment mean?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: David is hunting for something and the samples are part of it
Irony: he is hunting for … himself!
Setup: David will find what he is looking for
EXT. RAILWAY STATION – DAY
The stalker-demon senses some of its essence being destroyed and flinches angrily.
Open Loop: The demons know about the Mirage
Mystery: What is the link between the demons and David?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – DAY
David reports back to Madeleine the “negative” result. She shares his disappointment.
They see a press conference on TV of Brendan White discussing the Mirage and the mysterious case of the young men killed in the alleyway.
Start: Madeleine is hopeful
Challenging Situation: David reports the failed experiment
Conflict: David is prepared to give up
Action: Madeleine urges him to continue his search
Finish: David gets a new opportunity when Brendan White reports on the murders
Open Loop: Will White catch the Mirage?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: failed experiment
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David sets out to investigate the deaths
ACT 4:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
David investigates the deaths of the young men. He looks back through time again to see the demon woman kill them.
David follows the “image” of her as she flees the scene.
Start: David investigates the alleyway
Challenging Situation: Lack of evidence
Conflict:
Action: David uses his powers to see back in time and hunt the demon woman
Finish: David follows the demon woman’s image
Open Loop: What is this tracking power that David has? Where will it lead?
Mystery: Who are the demons
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David will find the demon woman
EXT. STREETS – DAY
David follows the demon woman’s image through the streets to a railway station.
Start: David follows the demon woman’s image
Challenging Situation: People milling about – he steps right through them and they don’t notice
Conflict: Hunting the demon woman
Action: Hunting the demon woman
Finish: Still searching
Open Loop: As above
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. RAILWAY STATION – DAY
David follows the demon’s image as it boards a train, then he floats along the subway tunnel (currently empty of trains) until she disembarks at another station.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
David watches her image as it enters a house then he vanishes.
Start: David finds the demon woman’s home
Challenging Situation: David wrestles with his fear
Conflict: Deciding whether to go inside or not
Action: David enters the house
Finish: David enters the house
Open Loop: What kind of demon lives in a house?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David materialises inside the house and lets his mystical sight return to the present. Suddenly the demon woman, now in the flesh, appears and attacks him.
They fight. He is momentarily disoriented by her powers and she flees out of the house.
Start: David enters the demon woman’s house
Challenging Situation: The demon woman attacks him
Conflict: David fights the demon woman
Action: The demon woman disorients him with her powers
Finish: The demon woman flees
Open Loop: Will David catch the woman?
Mystery: What other powers does she have?
Empathy/Distress: She attacks him
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David will chase her
EXT. STREETS – DAY
The demon woman flees and finds two policemen, feigning needing their protection from David. Then she kills them, framing David for their murder – a bystander catches him on camera, kneeling over the bodies.
Start: David chases the demon woman
Challenging Situation: The demon woman enlists the help of cops to protect her (why can’t he turn invisible??)
Conflict: Davis tries to get the demon woman away from the cops
Action: The demon woman kills the cops
Finish: David is framed for the cops murder.
Open Loop: What will happen now that David has been framed?
Mystery: Who is the demon woman?
Empathy/Distress: David has been unjustly accused
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: White will hunt David even more fervently
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David collects something in the vial that he used before, then vanishes.
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David processes the vial again, and is again disappointed with the negative result.
Start: David is somewhat hopeful about the experiment
Challenging Situation: Doubt about the experiment
Conflict: Frustration with the failed experiments
Action: David tests the essence sample
Finish: The test is another failure.
Open Loop: Still hunting for someone
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Another failed experiment
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David is about to learn who he needs to hunt
EXT. ROCKY LANDSCAPE – NIGHT
David sits on a rocky outcrop, gazing at the starry sky, deep in thought.
His gaze shifts to the earth in the night sky and we realise he is on the moon.
Start: David reflects on the situation
Challenging Situation: Fear and doubt
Conflict: What to do next
Action: Sitting and reflecting
Finish: Departs the moon
Open Loop:
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: David is sad and reflective
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
EXT. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
Scattered across the rocky landscape are numerous corpses, dressed in a range of garb both ancient and modern. They are dusty but otherwise perfectly preserved in the vacuum of space.
Start: The moon is quiet and still, peaceful, but …
Challenging Situation: … there are bodies everywhere
Conflict: Who killed these people?
Action: The aftermath of violence
Finish: Mystery set up
Open Loop: What are all these bodies doing here?
Mystery: Who put these bodies here? Was it David?
Empathy/Distress: Horrible corpses
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: We will meet the teleporting demon who put them here
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Brendan White stands by as the partners of the two policemen identify their bodies.
Stone-faced, he watches the online video of the Mirage at their murder scene.
Consumed with rage, he departs.
Start: Brendan White is wondering what to do
Challenging Situation: He thinks the Mirage killed these cops
Conflict: Brendan White doesn’t know where the Mirage is
Action: The relatives identify the bodies
Finish: Brendan White resolves to capture the Mirage
Open Loop: How is White going to react?
Mystery: Will White find out who really killed the cops?
Empathy/Distress: Close colleagues were killed
Payoff: The demon woman’s framing of David
Irony: White hunts the wrong person
Setup: White is going to hunt the Mirage fervently
EXT. MORGUE – DAY
White paces in unbridled fury.
EXT. CASINO – DUSK
Brendan White watches the entrance for a while, fighting some inner compulsion, then enters.
Start: White wrestles with temptation
Challenging Situation: White has a gambling problem
Conflict: White hates his own weakness but also needs this as an outlet, part of his process
Action: White succumbs to temptation
Finish: White enters the casino
Open Loop: What is White going to do in the casino?
Mystery: What is a cop doing here?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: White doesn’t believe in luck or chance …
Irony: … and yet he plays roulette!
Setup: White has a gambling problem, and a superpower of his own.
INT. CASINO – NIGHT
White sits at the roulette wheel.
He scratches a mysterious itch on his prosthetic arm, a sixth sense that helps him place bets.
Start: White prepares to gamble
Challenging Situation: White doesn’t believe in luck or chance … and yet …?
Conflict: White glares at those around him, keeping them at a distance
Action: White places bets
Finish: White is consumed by his rage amidst the bright lights and spinning numbers.
Open Loop: Will White win or lose money?
Mystery: Does White have a gambling problem?
Empathy/Distress: White is in pain, rage.
Payoff: Apparently there are no superpowers …
Irony: … except White is in control … as a result of his superpower
Setup: White has a superpower
ACT 5:
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David and Madeleine discuss the recent demon attacks. He says they seem to be gathering again.
Madeleine encourages David to keep searching for the demon he seeks.
Start: David is determined to find the demon he seeks
Challenging Situation: Madeleine says he must seek Julia’s help
Conflict: David refuses to team up with Julia
Action: David and Madeleine argue
Finish: David shows his stubbornness
Open Loop: What does she mean by “again”?
Mystery: What happened last time they gathered?
Empathy/Distress: Bad demons
Payoff:
Irony: They are gathering because of David
Setup: David will hunt them down
EXT. STREETS NEAR MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia arrives at David’s house and tries to photograph him through the window. He sees her and accosts her, then teleports her inside.
But three demons have followed her.
Start: Julia arrives at the house
Challenging Situation: David has been found!
Conflict: Julia tries to photograph David
Action: David accosts Julia and takes her inside
Finish: Three demons approach the house
Open Loop:
Mystery: How did Julia find him?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: David knows when he is being watched
Irony: David thought his home was safe … but Julia, his ally, brought the demons to his doorstep
Setup: A fight scene is coming!
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David battles the three demons as they try to kill Julia and Madeleine.
Some of his memories return and he discovers a new power – his voice can harm the demons and they flee.
Start: Demons enter the house
Challenging Situation: David cannot fight all three at once
Conflict: David tries to keep Madeleine and Julia safe by fighting the demons (why can’t he teleport them away?)
Action: Julia helps David remember his powers
Finish: David repels the demons with his new voice power
Open Loop: Will David win? Who will die? What do the demons want?
What is his voice power?
Mystery: Why does David have a voice power?
Empathy/Distress: Threat from the demons
Payoff: David is the Mirage
Irony: This is necessary for David to wake up
Setup: David will hunt the demons
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia, Madeleine and David recover in the aftermath of the battle. Julia asks who David is but he refuses to answer and departs to track the demons, hoping to find who sent them.
Start: The aftermath of the demon attack
Challenging Situation: Who sent the demons?
Conflict: David is angry with Julia for bringing the demons and exhausted by the fight
Action: David and Julia argue
Finish: David departs to track them
Open Loop: What will David do now?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: His home has been invaded
Payoff: David is the Mirage
Irony:
Setup: David will hunt demons
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Julia’s boss, Vincent, departs the museum.
Something stalks him from the shadows: it is the three demons David fought, all wounded.
They report to Vincent, kneeling before him!
Start: The demons appear to be stalking Vincent
Challenging Situation: Vincent appears to be in danger
Conflict: The demons approach Vincent
Action: Vincent confronts the demons
Finish: The demons kneel before him and report to him
Open Loop: What is Vincent’s connection to David and the demons?
Mystery: Who is Vincent, really?
Empathy/Distress: Vincent is a bad dude
Payoff: Vincent was hoping for more from the archaeological dig … and it has something to do with the demons
Irony: Julia found what he was looking for and he didn’t know it
Setup: Vincent is going to go up against the Mirage
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
David tracks the “residues” of the demons through the streets, across roof tops etc where they have travelled.
Start: David is tracking the demons
Challenging Situation: The demons are running away, injured, dazed, confused
Conflict: The demons are fleeing, David in pursuit
Action: David hunts the demons
Finish: David looks like catching up to the demons
Open Loop: Will David catch the demons / Vincent?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: David needs to find them and where they come from.
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup:
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Vincent reveals an amulet and waves it over the demons kneeling before him.
Start: The demons fear Vincent
Challenging Situation: Vincent knows David will be tracking him
Conflict: Vincent orders the demons to be silent
Action: Vincent erases the trail that David can follow
Finish: The demon residue dissolves
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
The residues of the demons dissolve – David can no longer track them!
Start: David tracks the demons
Challenging Situation: The demons’ path has been erased
Conflict: David wants to catch them
Action: David abandons the search
Finish: The demon residue dissolves and he gives up
Open Loop: Will David discover Vincent’s secret?
Mystery: What is this amulet and where did it come from?
Empathy/Distress: David can’t track the demons now.
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: David will need to find new resources to hunt the demons.
INT. CASINO – NIGHT
White collects his winnings and departs with a wad of cash. The cashier knows his name.
Start: White collects his cash
Challenging Situation: Shame about winning all the time – the cashier knows his (false) name
Conflict: Inner conflict about the nature of his winning abilities, his superpowers
Action: White collects his cash
Finish: White exits the casino
Open Loop: What will White do with the money?
Mystery: Why is White a gambler?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: White’s superpower allows him to win
Irony: White doesn’t believe in superpowers
Setup: White has more resources at his disposal than just smarts
EXT CASINO – NIGHT
White stuffs the wad of cash into an envelope, addresses it and shoves it into a mailbox.
Start: White has a lot of money
Challenging Situation: What to do with it
Conflict: Inner shame
Action:White posts his winnings to a mysterious recipient
Finish: White has resolved his uncontrolled rage into a more targeted form.
Open Loop: Who is White sending money to?
Mystery: What is the money for?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: is White a bent cop?
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Detective White slaps a hazy photograph of the Mirage onto a wall, along with an array of evidence, events and question marks.
He is determined to find the Mirage!
Start: Detective White collates he evidence of the Mirage’s activities
Challenging Situation The Mirage is elusive
Conflict: Anger towards the Mirage
Action: Collating evidence
Finish: White resolves to find the Mirage
Open Loop: Will White find the Mirage?
Mystery: Who is the Mirage and where did White’s powers from from?
Empathy/Distress: White is is pain
Payoff: At the morgue, White resolved to act
Irony: The Mirage is White’s ally
Setup: White will hunt the Mirage
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David returns home to Julia and Madeleine. They pack some things and go on the run, no longer safe at Madeleine’s house.
David asks Julia when the dreams about the demons began.
They are a team now.
Start: David returns home, unsuccessful in tracking the demons
Challenging Situation: The demons know where they are now
Conflict: Julia has information that David needs but won’t admit to needing
Action: David and Julia argue
Finish: David resolves to team up with Julia
Open Loop: Where will David, Julia and Madeleine go now? How will he keep them safe?
Mystery: How will they stop the demons?
Empathy/Distress: No longer having a home
Payoff: David said he would keep Madeleine safe
Irony:
Setup: Going on the run from demons.
-
Rob’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is the benefit of checking if every scene has conflict. Sometimes a simple addition to a scene can raise the conflict, generate more tension, empathy etc.
TEASER:
INT. CLUB – NIGHT
A young stud tries to hit on an attractive woman, but she rebuffs him.
Start: A woman sits at a bar
Challenging Situation: A stud tries to hit on her
Conflict: The woman doesn’t want to talk to the stud
Action: The stud pretends to be cool
Finish: The stud gives up and leaves her alone
EXT. STREET / ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
The young stud and his friends try to rape the woman but she turns out to be a demon in disguise and kills them all.
Start: The woman strolls down the street
Challenging Situation: She is attacked by the studs
Conflict: The studs are planning to rape her
Action: The studs drag her into an alleyway
Finish: The woman kills them – reveal: she lured them there in the first place!
ACT 1:
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
We meet Julia Lockhart, an archaeologist, chatting with a close colleague about her recent failed archaeological dig. Her boss, Vincent, summons her to his office.
Full description here. Says to herself “Suck it up, Julia. Behave yourself.”
Start: Julia is trying not to think about her failed dig
Challenging Situation: A colleague asks her about it
Conflict: Julia is avoiding talking about it
Action: Walking through the dinosaur exhibits
Finish: Julia’s boss, Vincent, summons her to his office
INT. VINCENT’S OFFICE – DAY
Vincent chastises Julia for the money wasted on the dig, which was organised based on her instincts and research, then sends her away contemptuously.
Start: Vincent calmly asks about the dig. Julia is nervous
Challenging Situation: Vincent is angry about money and reputation wasted on the dig and belittles Julia for her failure
Conflict: Vincent explodes in rage
Action: Julia takes it, then explodes back at him and gets fired
Finish: Julia gets fired
INT. JULIA’S OFFICE AT THE MUSEUM – DAY
Julia catalogues a few uninteresting items (bones, etc) collected from the dig, fuming at her mistreatment by her boss.
Her friend / colleague suggests they grab a drink but she has undefined, mysterious “plans” for the evening.
Start: Julia unhappily packs her things
Challenging Situation: She is unhappy about being fired and kicks herself for her rebelliousness
Conflict: Julia wonders whether to apologise or not
Action: Her colleague asks her out for a consoling drink
Finish: Julia sadly leaves her office and shuts the door on an Indiana Jones poster
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
Detective Brendan White investigates the scene of the young studs’ deaths as his team collects evidence. He has a prosthetic arm.
One of his colleagues urges him to return to the station about a development in another case.
Start: Studs have been murdered
Challenging Situation: Cops collect evidence about the studs’ death – wonder if it is murder or suicide, jurisdictional conflict with local police
Conflict: Detective White takes control from a doofus homicide detective
Action: White demonstrates his smarts, wit and authority
Finish: White takes control of the scene, then departs
INT. POLICE CAR – DAY
En-route, Detective White glances at a headline at a newsstand: “Mirage at Large”, and scowls.
Start: White is on his way to the police station
Challenging Situation: Bad traffic (“Now there’s a creative interpretation of the road rules”)
Conflict: White is angry about the Mirage
Action: White chats with his colleague as they travel
Finish: They get to the station
INT. POLICE STATION HOLDING CELL – DAY
Detective White interviews a criminal, Adrian Morris, after a human-trafficking bust. White knows Morris as a brutal psychopath, but now Morris is sobbing remorsefully and confessing after being captured by a mysterious figure he calls “The Mirage”.
Start: Adrian Morris has been arrested
Challenging Situation: Morris is terrified of the Mirage
Conflict: White can’t get anything useful from the convict
Action: White interrogates Morris
Finish: White abandons the interrogation
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE – DAY
White confers with colleagues about Morris’s apparent conversion and confession as a result of his encounter with the Mirage.
He interviews one of the trafficking victims who saw the Mirage as he intercepted the truck carrying the abductees, but the information is sketchy.
They look at Morris’s dash cam footage, revealing a dark and powerful figure with a face hidden in heat haze.
Start: White is skeptical about Morris’s “performance”
Challenging Situation: Conflicting and confusing information about Morris and his encounter with the Mirage
Conflict: White wants to catch the Mirage and Morris isn’t helping
Action: White confers with colleagues and abductees
Finish: White wants to solve this mystery
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Julia leaves the museum. As she climbs into a taxi she notices someone stalking her from the shadows.
Start: Julia is unhappy with being fired
Challenging Situation: someone is stalking her
Conflict: Fear of the stalker
Action: Gets into a taxi and flees
Finish: Gets into a taxi and flees
INT. TAXI – NIGHT
Julia arrives at a bar.
Start: Julia is en-route to the bar
Challenging Situation: Confusion and doubt about what she is doing
Conflict: Getting lost and confused
Action: Looks about, finding her way, then recognises a place
Finish: Gets out of the taxi
INT. BAR
Julia has a drink, alone, aimless, unclear why she is there.
Start: Julia has a drink alone
Challenging Situation: Not knowing why she is there or what she is looking for
Conflict: Confusion
Action: Has a drink and chats with the barman
Finish: Still confused
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
The stalker watches her through the window.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Julia chats briefly with the bar tender. He appears to notice someone outside in the shadows, but dismisses it.
Start: The barman is friendly and nondescript
Challenging Situation: Wondering if someone is outside
Conflict: Julia is in danger without knowing it
Action: Chatting with the barman
Finish: Julia leaves the bar
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
Julia exits the bar, sees the stalker and hurries away. The stalker follows.
Start: Julia exits the bar
Challenging Situation: A stalker is on her tail
Conflict: The stalker chases her
Action: Julia flees
Finish: Julia flees and hides
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – NIGHT
The stalker accosts her and asks her about “The Blade”. She doesn’t know what he is talking about. The barman intervenes and the stalker reveals itself as a powerful demon.
The barman fights it off, ramming it into a concrete pylon, and they flee to safety.
Start: Julia flees from the stalker
Challenging Situation: The stalker is a demon
Conflict: The demon wants something from her but she doesn’t understand
Action: The barman rescues her
Finish: She and the barman flee from the demon
ACT 2:
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Having fled to safety, Julia asks the barman about the demon and about himself. He dismisses her questions and departs.
Start: Julia is terrified by the encounter with the demon
Challenging Situation: Fear of the demon
Conflict: The barman is taciturn; Julia has lots of questions
Action: They talk in the street as they flee through the crowd
Finish: The barman departs
EXT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The barman (David) collects the mail and then enters the house, stepping smoothly, ghostlike, THROUGH the front door.
Start: David arrives home
Challenging Situation: checks for surveillance
Conflict: Is anyone watching
Action: Steps through the front door
Finish: Enters the house
INT. MADELEINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
We meet Madeleine, 85. David reveals his encounter with the demon, clearly not the first he has encountered.
Start: Madeleine is in bed; David enters
Challenging Situation: David is concerned about the demon encounter
Conflict: Madeleine is encouraging; David is despondent, fearful
Action: David agrees to continue his search
Finish: David leaves
EXT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia glances about, furtive, anxious, then unlocks her front door and enters.
A figure watches her from the shadows. It is David. He vanishes and appears …
Start: David watches Julia
Challenging Situation: Julia is mysterious and he wants to know more about her
Conflict: Julia is secretive
Action: David teleports into Julia’s house
Finish: David enters Julia’s house
INT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
… beside Julia in her living room – but he is invisible to her. He watches her as she moves about the house.
He is shocked when she reveals hand-drawn pictures of the demon they just encountered, along with many others, and of himself.
ACT 3:
Julia is terrified as David reveals himself, materialising before her. He asks about the pictures which she says she drew – based on images in her dreams.
She asks for his help to understand but he refuses, saying to forget about him, then vanishes again.
Start: David watches Julia
Challenging Situation: Julia reveals pictures
Conflict: David is surprised and angry
Action: David appears and interrogates her
Finish: David departs
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – DAY
David returns to the scene of the demon attack and watches the fight he had with the demon as though looking back through time.
He looks closely where the demon made contact with the pylon and collects something in a vial, then vanishes again.
Start: David returns to the scene of the attack
Challenging Situation: Collecting samples of demon essence
Conflict: Avoiding being seen by passers by, demons etc
Action: David collects samples
Finish: David leaves with the samples
INT. MADELEINE’S KITCHEN – DAY
David materialises beside Madeleine, who is unfazed by his sudden appearance.
He shows her the vial and she crosses her fingers for luck.
Start: Madeleine is doing dishes
Challenging Situation: David is tense about the forthcoming experiment
Conflict: David fights doubt and
Action: David chats with Madeleine then …
INT. MADELEINE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
David sinks into the floor, passing through the floorboards …
Finish: … David descends into the floor
INT. GROUND – DAY
David passes through the soil, rock, etc, descending into …
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David descends from the ceiling and lands nimbly on the floor.
He puts the contents of the vial through various processes – chemicals, arcane substances, artefacts – but he is disappointed with the result.
Start: David descends into his underground lab
Challenging Situation: Wrestling with the demon’s essence – it fights back like an angry bug
Conflict: David fights to get the essence into the vial
Action: David tests the essence, then destroys it
Finish: The experiment has failed
EXT. RAILWAY STATION – DAY
The stalker-demon senses some of its essence being destroyed and flinches angrily.
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – DAY
David reports back to Madeleine the “negative” result. She shares his disappointment.
They see a press conference on TV of Brendan White discussing the Mirage and the mysterious case of the young men killed in the alleyway.
Start: Madeleine is hopeful
Challenging Situation: David reports the failed experiment
Conflict: David is prepared to give up
Action: Madeleine urges him to continue his search
Finish: David gets a new opportunity when Brendan White reports on the murders
ACT 4:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
David investigates the deaths of the young men. He looks back through time again to see the demon woman kill them.
David follows the “image” of her as she flees the scene.
Start: David investigates the alleyway
Challenging Situation: Lack of evidence
Conflict:
Action: David uses his powers to see back in time and hunt the demon woman
Finish: David follows the demon woman’s image
EXT. STREETS – DAY
David follows the demon woman’s image through the streets to a railway station.
Start: David follows the demon woman’s image
Challenging Situation: People milling about – he steps right through them and they don’t notice
Conflict: Hunting the demon woman
Action: Hunting the demon woman
Finish: Still searching
INT. RAILWAY STATION – DAY
David follows the demon’s image as it boards a train, then he floats along the subway tunnel (currently empty of trains) until she disembarks at another station.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
David watches her image as it enters a house then he vanishes.
Start: David finds the demon woman’s home
Challenging Situation: David wrestles with his fear
Conflict: Deciding whether to go inside or not
Action: David enters the house
Finish: David enters the house
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David materialises inside the house and lets his mystical sight return to the present. Suddenly the demon woman, now in the flesh, appears and attacks him.
They fight. He is momentarily disoriented by her powers and she flees out of the house.
Start: David enters the demon woman’s house
Challenging Situation: The demon woman attacks him
Conflict: David fights the demon woman
Action: The demon woman disorients him with her powers
Finish: The demon woman flees
EXT. STREETS – DAY
The demon woman flees and finds two policemen, feigning needing their protection from David. Then she kills them, framing David for their murder – a bystander catches him on camera, kneeling over the bodies.
Start: David chases the demon woman
Challenging Situation: The demon woman enlists the help of cops to protect her (why can’t he turn invisible??)
Conflict: Davis tries to get the demon woman away from the cops
Action: The demon woman kills the cops
Finish: David is framed for the cops murder.
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David collects something in the vial that he used before, then vanishes.
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David processes the vial again, and is again disappointed with the negative result.
Start: David is somewhat hopeful about the experiment
Challenging Situation: Doubt about the experiment
Conflict: Frustration with the failed experiments
Action: David tests the essence sample
Finish: The test is another failure.
EXT. ROCKY LANDSCAPE – NIGHT
David sits on a rocky outcrop, gazing at the starry sky, deep in thought.
His gaze shifts to the earth in the night sky and we realise he is on the moon.
Start: David reflects on the situation
Challenging Situation: Fear and doubt
Conflict: What to do next
Action: Sitting and reflecting
Finish: Departs the moon
EXT. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
Scattered across the rocky landscape are numerous corpses, dressed in a range of garb both ancient and modern. They are dusty but otherwise perfectly preserved in the vacuum of space.
Start: The moon is quiet and still, peaceful, but …
Challenging Situation: … there are bodies everywhere
Conflict: Who killed these people?
Action: The aftermath of violence
Finish:
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Brendan White stands by as the partners of the two policemen identify their bodies.
Stone-faced, he watches the online video of the Mirage at their murder scene.
Consumed with rage, he departs.
Start: Brendan White is wondering what to do
Challenging Situation: He thinks the Mirage killed these cops
Conflict: Brendan White doesn’t know where the Mirage is
Action: The relatives identify the bodies
Finish: Brendan White resolves to capture the Mirage
ACT 5:
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David and Madeleine discuss the recent demon attacks. He says they seem to be gathering again.
Madeleine encourages David to keep searching for the demon he seeks.
Start: David is determined to find the demon he seeks
Challenging Situation: Madeleine says he must seek Julia’s help
Conflict: David refuses to team up with Julia
Action: David and Madeleine argue
Finish: David shows his stubbornness
EXT. STREETS NEAR MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia arrives at David’s house and tries to photograph him through the window. He sees her and accosts her, then teleports her inside.
But three demons have followed her.
Start: Julia arrives at the house
Challenging Situation: David has been found!
Conflict: Julia tries to photograph David
Action: David accosts Julia and takes her inside
Finish: Three demons approach the house
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David battles the three demons as they try to kill Julia and Madeleine.
Some of his memories return and he discovers a new power – his voice can harm the demons and they flee.
Start: Demons enter the house
Challenging Situation: David cannot fight all three at once
Conflict: David tries to keep Madeleine and Julia safe by fighting the demons (why can’t he teleport them away?)
Action: Julia helps David remember his powers
Finish: David repels the demons with his new voice power
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia, Madeleine and David recover in the aftermath of the battle. Julia asks who David is but he refuses to answer and departs to track the demons, hoping to find who sent them.
Start: The aftermath of the demon attack
Challenging Situation: Who sent the demons?
Conflict: David is angry with Julia for bringing the demons and exhausted by the fight
Action: David and Julia argue
Finish: David departs to track them
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Julia’s boss, Vincent, departs the museum.
Something stalks him from the shadows: it is the three demons David fought, all wounded.
They report to Vincent, kneeling before him!
Start: The demons appear to be stalking Vincent
Challenging Situation: Vincent appears to be in danger
Conflict: The demons approach Vincent
Action: Vincent confronts the demons
Finish: The demons kneel before him and report to him
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
David tracks the “residues” of the demons through the streets, across roof tops etc where they have travelled.
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Vincent reveals an amulet and waves it over the demons kneeling before him.
Start: The demons fear Vincent
Challenging Situation: Vincent knows David will be tracking him
Conflict: Vincent orders the demons to be silent
Action: Vincent erases the trail that David can follow
Finish: The demon residue dissolves and he gives up
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
The residues of the demons dissolve – David can no longer track them!
Start: David tracks the demons
Challenging Situation:
Conflict:
Action:
Finish: The demon residue dissolves and he gives up
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Detective White slaps a hazy photograph of the Mirage onto a wall, along with an array of evidence, events and question marks.
He is determined to find the Mirage!
Start: Detective White collates he evidence of the Mirage’s activities
Challenging Situation The Mirage is elusive
Conflict: Anger towards the Mirage
Action: Collating evidence
Finish: White resolves to find the Mirage
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David returns home to Julia and Madeleine. They pack some things and go on the run, no longer safe at Madeleine’s house.
David asks Julia when the dreams about the demons began.
They are a team now.
Start: David returns home, unsuccessful in tracking the demons
Challenging Situation: The demons know where they are now
Conflict: Julia has information that David needs but won’t admit to needing
Action: David and Julia argue
Finish: David resolves to team up with Julia
-
Rob’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a structure of sorts for the pilot that includes some intriguing elements. It was valuable to lay it all out and see what I have.
Show Concept: An ancient ghost and a brilliant young archaeologist team up to protect the world from demons seeking to bring about the apocalypse.
Inciting Incident: The Mirage, who has lived in isolation, is drawn into a plot by demons to kill an archaeologist.
A Story: The Mirage vs the demons
B Story: Detective White hunting the Mirage
C Story: The Mirage’s relationships with Julia, Madeleine, and receiving memories of his family and his identity.
Beat Sheet:
TEASER:
INT. CLUB – NIGHT
A young stud tries to hit on an attractive woman, but she rebuffs him.
EXT. STREET / ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
The young stud and his friends try to rape the woman but she turns out to be a demon in disguise and kills them all.
ACT 1:
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
We meet Julia Lockhart, an archaeologist, chatting with a close colleague about her recent failed archaeological dig. Her boss, Vincent, summons her to his office.
INT. VINCENT’S OFFICE – DAY
Vincent chastises Julia for the money wasted on the dig, which was organised based on her instincts and research, then sends her away contemptuously.
INT. JULIA’S OFFICE AT THE MUSEUM – DAY
Julia catalogues a few uninteresting items (bones, etc) collected from the dig, fuming at her mistreatment by her boss.
Her friend / colleague suggests they grab a drink but she has undefined, mysterious “plans” for the evening.
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
Detective Brendan White investigates the scene of the young studs’ deaths as his team collects evidence. He has a prosthetic arm.
One of his colleagues urges him to return to the station about a development in another case.
INT. POLICE CAR – DAY
En-route, Detective White glances at a headline at a newsstand: “Mirage at Large”, and scowls.
INT. POLICE STATION HOLDING CELL – DAY
Detective White interviews a criminal, Adrian Morris, after a human-trafficking bust. White knows Morris as a brutal psychopath, but now Morris is sobbing remorsefully and confessing after being captured by a mysterious figure he calls “The Mirage”.
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE – DAY
White confers with colleagues about Morris’s apparent conversion and confession as a result of his encounter with the Mirage.
He interviews one of the trafficking victims who saw the Mirage as he intercepted the truck carrying the abductees, but the information is sketchy.
They look at Morris’s dash cam footage, revealing a dark and powerful figure with a face hidden in heat haze.
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Julia leaves the museum. As she climbs into a taxi she notices someone stalking her from the shadows.
INT. TAXI – NIGHT
Julia arrives at a bar.
INT. BAR
Julia has a drink, alone, aimless, unclear why she is there.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
The stalker watches her through the window.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Julia chats briefly with the bar tender. He appears to notice someone outside in the shadows, but dismisses it.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
Julia exits the bar, sees the stalker and hurries away. The stalker follows.
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – NIGHT
The stalker accosts her and asks her about “The Blade”. She doesn’t know what he is talking about. The barman intervenes and the stalker reveals itself as a powerful demon.
The barman fights it off, ramming it into a concrete pylon, and they flee to safety.
ACT 2:
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Having fled to safety, Julia asks the barman about the demon and about himself. He dismisses her questions and departs.
EXT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The barman (David) collects the mail and then enters the house, stepping smoothly, ghostlike, THROUGH the front door.
INT. MADELEINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
We meet Madeleine, 85. David reveals his encounter with the demon, clearly not the first he has encountered.
EXT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia glances about, furtive, anxious, then unlocks her front door and enters.
A figure watches her from the shadows. It is David. He vanishes and appears …
INT. JULIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
… beside Julia in her living room – but he is invisible to her. He watches her as she moves about the house.
He is shocked when she reveals hand-drawn pictures of the demon they just encountered, along with many others, and of himself.
ACT 3:
Julia is terrified as David reveals himself, materialising before her. He asks about the pictures which she says she drew – based on images in her dreams.
She asks for his help to understand but he refuses, saying to forget about him, then vanishes again.
INT. MULTI-LEVEL CAR PARK – DAY
David returns to the scene of the demon attack and watches the fight he had with the demon as though looking back through time.
He looks closely where the demon made contact with the pylon and collects something in a vial, then vanishes again.
INT. MADELEINE’S KITCHEN – DAY
David materialises beside Madeleine, who is unfazed by his sudden appearance.
He shows her the vial and she crosses her fingers for luck.
INT. MADELEINE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
David sinks into the floor, passing through the floorboards …
INT. GROUND – DAY
David passes through the soil, rock, etc, descending into …
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David descends from the ceiling and lands nimbly on the floor.
He puts the contents of the vial through various processes – chemicals, arcane substances, artefacts – but he is disappointed with the result.
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – DAY
David reports back to Madeleine the “negative” result. She shares his disappointment.
They see a press conference on TV of Brendan White discussing the Mirage and the mysterious case of the young men killed in the alleyway.
ACT 4:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
David investigates the deaths of the young men. He looks back through time again to see the demon woman kill them.
David follows the “image” of her as she flees the scene.
EXT. STREETS – DAY
David follows the demon woman’s image through the streets to a railway station.
INT. RAILWAY STATION – DAY
David follows the demon’s image as it boards a train, then he floats along the subway tunnel (currently empty of trains) until she disembarks at another station.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
David watches her image as it enters a house then he vanishes.
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David materialises inside the house and lets his mystical sight return to the present. Suddenly the demon woman, now in the flesh, appears and attacks him.
They fight. He is momentarily disoriented by her powers and she flees out of the house.
EXT. STREETS – DAY
The demon woman flees and finds two policemen, feigning needing their protection from David. Then she kills them, framing David for their murder – a bystander catches him on camera, kneeling over the bodies.
INT. DEMON WOMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
David collects something in the vial that he used before, then vanishes.
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB – DAY
David processes the vial again, and is again disappointed with the negative result.
EXT. ROCKY LANDSCAPE – NIGHT
David sits on a rocky outcrop, gazing at the starry sky, deep in thought.
His gaze shifts to the earth in the night sky and we realise he is on the moon.
EXT. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
Scattered across the rocky landscape are numerous corpses, dressed in a range of garb both ancient and modern. They are dusty but otherwise perfectly preserved in the vacuum of space.
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Brendan White stands by as the partners of the two policemen identify their bodies.
Stone-faced, he watches the online video of the Mirage at their murder scene.
Consumed with rage, he departs.
ACT 5:
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David and Madeleine discuss the recent demon attacks. He says they seem to be gathering again.
Madeleine encourages David to keep searching for the demon he seeks.
EXT. STREETS NEAR MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia arrives at David’s house and tries to photograph him through the window. He sees her and accosts her, then teleports her inside.
But three demons have followed her.
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David battles the three demons as they try to kill Julia and Madeleine.
Some of his memories return and he discovers a new power – his voice can harm the demons and they flee.
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Julia, Madeleine and David recover in the aftermath of the battle. Julia asks who David is but he refuses to answer and departs to track the demons, hoping to find who sent them.
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Julia’s boss Vincent departs the museum.
Something stalks him from the shadows: it is the three demons David fought, all wounded.
They report to Vincent, kneeling before him!
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
David tracks the “residues” of the demons through the streets, across roof tops etc where they have travelled.
EXT. MUSEUM – NIGHT
Vincent reveals an amulet and waves it over the demons kneeling before him.
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
The residues of the demons dissolve – David can no longer track them!
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Detective White slaps a hazy photograph of the Mirage onto a wall, along with an array of evidence, events and question marks.
He is determined to find the Mirage!
INT. MADELEINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
David returns home to Julia and Madeleine. They pack some things and go on the run, no longer safe at Madeleine’s house.
David asks Julia when the dreams about the demons began.
They are a team now.
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Rob’s Setting up the future
What I learned doing this assignment is that just dropping a line of dialogue in here and there is enough to create intrigue about the future of the show and set up key elements of the Season.
Series events that could be set up in the pilot:
Seeking the Talen Blade
Vincent is the leader of the demons
The demon queen is at large, somewhere, plotting to seduce the Mirage
The Mirage had a family
Brendan White has a sixth sense, and a gambling habit
The Mirage’s voice can repel the demons
There are corpses on the moon put there by a demon
The Mirage is seeking one demon in particular – the one that can free him from his affliction.
Brendan White is hunting the Mirage
I’ll use:
Seeking the Talen Blade
Vincent is the leader of the demons
Brendan White has a sixth sense, and a gambling habit
The Mirage’s voice can repel the demons
There are corpses on the moon put there by a demon
The Mirage is seeking one demon in particular – the one that can free him from his affliction.
Brendan White is hunting the Mirage
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Rob’s Adding Empathy / Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of thinking consciously and deliberately about how to make life difficult for my characters.
Crucible:
Julia is summoned to her bullying boss Vincent’s office to explain the failure of the archaeological dig
The Mirage is forced to fight the demons – at his own home where Madeleine resides
Emotional dilemma:
Should The Mirage help Julia or keep his distance from her to keep Madeleine safe?
Underserved misfortune:
The demon woman frames the Mirage as being a cop-killer, making Detective White an enemy
Decision with future consequences:
The Mirage abandons Julia which leads the demons to his home – irony.
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Rob’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is the way keeping a focus on the big picture intrigue feeds down into the individual moments of scenes and dialogue, throwing up ideas for scenes and keeping them on track as part of the bigger picture.
Main Mystery: Who is the Mirage and where did he come from?
Sub Mysteries:
What powers does the Mirage have?
Why does his touch have such a devastating effect on humans?
Why is he hunting for one demon in particular?
What are the experiments he is performing on the demons’ essences?
What is the significance of the voice power that the Mirage discovers when Julia awakens his memories?
Why and how does he know when he is being watched?
Main Open Loop: What is Julia’s mysterious connection to the demons and to the Mirage?
Sub-Open Loops:
What is the Talen Blade that the demons are hunting and why?
What did Julia find in the archaeological dig that has caused the demons to hunt her?
What are the drawings of the demons that she has?
Who put the corpses on the dark side of the moon? Was it the Mirage?
Where have the demons taken Madeleine and why?
I’ve added all of these to the outline and it’s given it a significant lift – more intriguing and tighter, more focussed dialogue.
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Rob Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is the benefits of foreshadowing the turning points, setting up the opposite situation to them in advance to give them more weight.
Turning Points:
Act 1 The barman is “The Mirage”
Act 2 Julia has a history with the demons
Act 3 The Mirage is investigating the demons, hunting for one in particular
Act 4 Julia unwittingly brings the demons to the Mirage’s doorstep
Act 5 – Madeleine is kidnapped
Act 1: Set up the barman as Joe Everyman, nondescript, minimal dialogue, a background character without any real presence in the story
Act 2: Set up Julia as being a random victim
Act 3: Suggest that the Mirage has no interest in the demons and just wants to be left alone.
Act 4: Have The Mirage and Madeleine indicate how the house that they share is a safe space, away from the world where no one can harm them.
Act 5: Foreshadow that “The Mirage” will keep Madeleine safe. Then when the demons come and take her away he is even more motivated to rescue her when she is kidnapped.
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Rob’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of creating cover ups of existing information to generate intrigue.
List of layers and reveals for the pilot:
The rape “victim” is actually a demon
Vincent is not just Julia’s boss, but the leader of the demons
The barman is not just a barman, but “The Mirage”.
Brendan White is a cop and has a sixth sense – which helps him with his gambling habit
Julia is an archaeologist – how do we hide that fact before revealing it?
Teaser:
Surface Layer: A young woman is being assaulted by a gang
Reveal: The woman is a demon who lured the gang into a trap and kills them
Act 1:
Surface Layer: Julia chats with a barman at a pub she is drawn to in a vision
Reveal: The barman is The Mirage, the mysterious being who has been seen around the city
Act 2:
Surface Layer: Julia is a random victim of the demon attack.
Reveal: Julia has pictures of the demons and the Mirage that she has drawn – she has some connection to them that is more than random.
Act 3:
Surface Layer: The Mirage is not interested in the demons, just trying to avoid them
Reveal: The Mirage is investigating the demons, hunting for one in particular
Act 4:
Surface Layer: Detective White is a normal cop
Reveal: Detective White has a gambling habit and uses a mysterious sixth sense to win
Act 5:
Surface Layer: The Mirage has no way of fighting the demons
Reveal: The Mirage has a voice power that terrifies them and sends them fleeing
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Rob’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of isolating each character’s storyline in creating the overall outline.
Character: David / The Mirage
David begins as an isolated loner who quietly lives by his own rules and flies under the radar. After rescuing Julia from a demon attack he is reluctantly drawn into conflict with the demons and forced to flee his home after they discover where he lives.
Beginning: An isolated loner with supernatural powers who lives in secret among humans, quietly living by his own rules and flying under the radar.
Turning Point: When Julia is attacked by a demon he reveals himself to her to save her life.
Midpoint: The Mirage discovers that Julia has pictures of him and the demons that he never knew about. (“Nobody can see them except me .. other than those who are about to die.”) He interrogates her but she doesn’t know anything about him.
Turning Point 2: After the Mirage abandons Julia, she tracks him down and brings the demons to his doorstep
Major Conflict: The Mirage fights a bunch of demons who succeed in kidnapping his sole friend and confidante, Madeleine.
Ending: The Mirage, once a determined loner, reluctantly teams up with Julia to rescue Madeleine and defeat the demons.
Dilemma (optional): Get involved in Julia’s problem or leave her to it.
Character: Julia
Julia begins as an ambitious career archaeologist. After an attempt on her life by a terrifying demon her focus turns to survival and understanding her assailants. She tracks down the Mirage in an attempt to enlist his protection.
Beginning: Julia is an ambitious archaeologist with her career on the line after a failed archaeological dig
Turning Point: She is attacked by a demon
Midpoint: Julia asks the Mirage for his help but he refuses, telling her the attack was random
Turning Point 2: The demons attack again, this time at the Mirage’s own house.
Major Conflict: Julia and the Mirage fight the demons but fail to prevent them kidnapping Madeleine
Ending: Julia, once focussed solely on her career, teams up with the Mirage to fight demons and rescue Madeleine.
Dilemma (optional):
1. First draft of “The Mirage” Pilot Outline.
Teaser:
Essence: A bunch of studs assault a young woman.
Turning Point: The “woman” is a demon who kills them all.
Act 1:
Julia is an archaeologist whose career is on the line after a failed archaeological dig. Her boss, Vincent Chamberlain, is furious. A mysterious figure known as “The Mirage” has the attention of the press and the police. Julia is being stalked by a wicked-looking stranger.
Turning Point: The stalker is a demon! The Mirage rescues her then flees.
Act 2:
The Mirage returns home where he lives with Madeleine and reveals his encounter with the demon and Julia. He is an isolated loner with supernatural powers who lives in secret among humans, quietly living by his own rules and flying under the radar. He has taken a risk to reveal himself to Julia to save her life.
Julia returns home. The Mirage secretly watches her, invisible. Julia reveals that she has pictures of the demons and the Mirage in various forms of battle. The Mirage reveals himself again and confronts her: “Nobody can see them except me .. other than those who are about to die.” He interrogates her but she says she doesn’t know anything about him.
Julia asks him to tell her more about himself but he refuses and says the attacks are random, then abandons her.
Detective White investigates the teenagers’ death.
Act 3:
The Mirage returns to the scene of the attack on Julia to collect the demon’s “essence” from the scene, and experiments with it in his underground lair. He fails in whatever mysterious experiment he is performing. We find him on the moon, reflecting on the situation.
Turning Point: There is a pile of corpses on the dark side of the moon.
Act 4:
Detective White interrogates two hardened criminals who have been captured by the Mirage after abducting a child. They are terrified of the Mirage. When he touched them they felt terror that chilled them to the bone and generated deep remorse. We see the Mirage’s spectacular rescue of the little girl from them in fleeting flashbacks. White is skeptical about the crooks story but intrigued.
We can see the Mirage in the room with them, invisible, watching the criminals interaction with White – the setup for their ongoing conflict.
Turning Point: Julia tracks down the Mirage and unwittingly leads the demons to his doorstep.
Act 5:
Julia unwittingly leads the demons to the Mirage’s doorstep and they fight. The Mirage discovers that his voice has the power to hurt the demons. He fights them off but they succeed in kidnapping his sole friend and confidante, Madeleine.
Lock In: Madeleine is kidnapped and the demons force the Mirage to flee from his home. The Mirage, once a determined loner, reluctantly teams up with Julia to rescue Madeleine and defeat the demons.
Cliffhanger: The demons stalk Vincent Chamberlain then reveal … Vincent is leading the demons!
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Rob’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have plenty of material to play with but am unsure how much belongs in the pilot and how much needs to go into later episodes. Still trying to tie it into a coherent thread as opposed to a disparate series of loosely-related events.
1. First draft of “The Mirage” Pilot Acts.
Teaser:
Essence: A bunch of teenagers assault a young woman.
Turning Point: The “woman” is a demon who kills them all.
Act 1:
Essence: Julia is an archaeologist whose career is on the line after a failed archaeological dig. Her boss, Vincent Chamberlain, is furious. A mysterious figure known as “The Mirage” has the attention of the press and the police. Julia is being stalked by a wicked-looking stranger.
Turning Point: The stalker is a demon! The Mirage rescues her then flees.
Act 2:
Essence: The Mirage returns home where he lives with Madeleine and reveals his encounter with the demon and Julia. Detective White investigates the teenagers’ death.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Julia returns home and reveals that she has pictures of the demons.
Act 3:
Essence: The Mirage returns to the scene of the attack on Julia to collect the demon’s “DNA” from the scene, and experiments with it in his underground lair. He fails, and we find him on the moon, reflecting on the situation.
Turning Point: There is a pile of corpses on the dark side of the moon
Act 4:
Essence: The demons stalk Vincent Chamberlain. Detective White interrogates two hardened criminals who have been captured by the Mirage after abducting a child. They are remorseful and terrified. We can see him in the room with them, invisible.
Turning Point: Vincent is leading the demons.
Act 5:
Essence: Julia unwittingly leads the demons to the Mirage’s doorstep and they fight. The Mirage discovers his voice power.
Lock In: Madeleine is kidnapped and the demons force the Mirage to flee from his home.
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Rob’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is the significance of the midpoint as a pivot point in the structure of the pilot.
1. The Inciting Incident: Madeleine is kidnapped by demons and the Mirage needs to find and rescue her.
2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:
Intriguing Concept: An ancient ghost and a brilliant young archaeologist team up to protect the world from demons seeking to bring about the apocalypse.
Act 1: Julia is an archaeologist whose career is on the line after a failed archaeological dig. Her boss is unhappy and some weird guy is stalking her.
Midpoint: The Mirage rescues Julia from a demon attack
Lock In: When Madeleine is kidnapped and Julia appears to hold the key to her rescue, the Mirage must team up with someone who has brought the demons to his doorstep.
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Rob’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of having a very clear goal for the protagonist by the end of the pilot, a real “point of no return” that kicks off the rest of the season. I found I had to bring a major event (the kidnapping the Mirage’s confidante, Madeleine) from Episode 8 forward into the pilot to give the story more momentum from the beginning.
1. SERIES INFO:
World: An underbelly of demonic beings who prey upon humans and seek to bring the apocalypse
Main mystery: Who is the Mirage and where did he come from?
Impossible Goal: Rescuing Madeleine from the demons who have kidnapped her
Main Conflict: The Mirage and Julia battle demons, controlled by the Necromancer, Vincent Chamberlain
Second Mystery: What is Julia’s mysterious connection to the demons and to the Mirage?
Season 1 Arc: From the Mirage having no idea of who he is or why he exists to discovering the truth about himself, his past and his connection to the demons who have plagued him for centuries.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From an arrogant, angry, nihilistic loner to a person who forgives himself, lets go of the past, and allows others to help him.
2. PILOT INFO:
Pilot Conflict: The Mirage and Julia battle to find out why demons are trying to kill her
Characters Introduced: The Mirage, Julia Lockhart, Vincent Chamberlain, Detective Brendan White, Madeleine
Inciting Incident of Season 1: The Mirage and Julia must rescue Madeleine from the demons who have kidnapped her.
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Rob’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of brainstorming a whole bunch of episode titles along these different formats. I found it difficult at first but moved more quickly as I went along and just let it flow more. It took a while but I ended up with some titles I’m pretty happy with and in some cases more than I needed. It’s a good problem to have too many to choose from, feeling that I had to let go of some good ones.
Episode 1
Conflict: Demons at Large
Journey: Coming Out
Dilemma: To Hide or Not to Hide
Issue faced: Riddles from the Past
Irony: Fire and Ice
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero:
Discovery: Who is The Mirage?
Metaphor: The Faceless One
Episode 2
Conflict: Dead Men Need No Cash
Journey: Voices from the Past
Dilemma: To know or not to know … that is the question
Issue faced: Enemies Everywhere
Irony: Know Thyself … if you dare
Hero’s challenging situation: Pigs Might Fly
Threat to hero: The Necromancer
Discovery: Whom Have I Rescued?
Metaphor: Better the Devil You Know
Episode 3:
Conflict: Feel My Pain
Journey: Memories Return
Dilemma: Where Does Evil Lie?
Issue faced: Touch of Ice
Irony: Invulnerable Weakness
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero: The Demon Lord
Discovery: The Nature of Evil
Metaphor: Where There’s Smoke There’s Ice
Episode 4:
Conflict: Zombie Bank Robbery
Journey: “Find me” says the The Talen Blade
Dilemma: Rock, Paper, Schism
Issue faced: Digging for the Talen Blade
Irony: In Rocks We Trust
Hero’s challenging situation: Eat Me, Demon
Threat to hero: When in Tome, Do as the Tome Says
Discovery: What Do Gloves Conceal
Metaphor: Angels Go Where Fools Have Trodden
Episode 5:
Conflict: The Lost Boy
Journey: Ancient Secrets, Modern Love
Dilemma: Blade or Bleed?
Issue faced: The Broken Blade
Irony: Blade be Damned
Hero’s challenging situation: Vincent, You’ve Been a Bad Boy
Threat to hero: Ancient Tongue, Modern Science
Discovery: Where is the rest of it …?
Metaphor: A Sword without a Blade
Hilt at Windmills
Blame and Bladeless
Episode 6:
Conflict: Finding Smithy
Journey: Blessed are the Swordmakers
Dilemma: Forging Ahead
Issue faced: Back to the Forge
Irony: Memory Bomb
Hero’s challenging situation: Forged Memories
Threat to hero: Smith and Kin
Discovery: The Blade Emerges
Metaphor: Fire in the Darkness
Episode 7:
Conflict: Fire and Light
Journey: The Third Party and the Third Part
Dilemma: Furious Aggrievement
Issue faced: Painful memories
Irony: Long Live the Past
Hero’s challenging situation: Suffering is the Crucible of Identity
Threat to hero: Inspired Vengeance
Discovery: The Horror, The Horror
Metaphor: Hilt Thou Be Made Whole
Episode 8:
Conflict: Hunting Madeleine
Journey: Old Friend, New Enemy
Dilemma: Escape to the Wilderness
Issue faced: Cops Draw Closer
Irony: The Hunted Becomes the Hunter
Hero’s challenging situation: Riddles in the Dark
Threat to hero: Lost Friend
Discovery: Where is Madeleine?
Metaphor: Catch Her If You Can
Episode 9:
Conflict: The Bone Cage
Journey: Trapped!
Dilemma: Give Me Your Powers
Issue faced: Stealing Immortality
Irony: Spirited Away
Hero’s challenging situation: Lured into a trap
Threat to hero: The Third Degree
Oak and Sandalwood
Achilles Heel
Discovery: The Talen Blade Strikes Back
Metaphor: The Spider and the Fly
Episode 10:
Conflict: An Eye for an Eye
Journey: Vengeance!
Dilemma: Fury Unleashed
Issue faced: Avenging Madeleine
Irony: Amazing Amanda
Hero’s challenging situation: Five Centuries of Rage
Threat to hero: The Being of Fire and Light
Discovery: Amanda’s Return
Metaphor: Free To Kill
Episode 11:
Conflict: Seduction
Journey: The Demon Lord
Dilemma: Betrayal
The Fall of the Mirage
Issue faced: Five Centuries of Lust
Irony:The Necromancer’s Necrosis
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero: Tempted into Shadow
Discovery: The Demons Turn
Metaphor: The Light Dims
The Fallen
Lost in the Haze
Episode 12:
Conflict: Julia’s Surrender
Journey: The Shooting Star, The Fallen Star
Dilemma: Sacrifice
Issue faced: Time Strike
Irony: Grace from the Fire
Hero’s challenging situation: Restoration
Threat to hero: Waking Up
Redemption
Discovery: All the Players are Here
Metaphor: The Nature of Evil (is this the title of the series?)
Selected Episode Titles:
1 The Faceless One
2 Voices from the Past
3 Where There’s Smoke There’s Ice
4 Rock, Paper, Schism
5 The Broken Blade
6 Smith and Kin
7 Hilt Thou Be Made Whole
8 Riddles in the Dark
9 The Bone Cage
10 The Being of Fire and Light
11 The Fall of the Mirage
12 Redemption
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Rob’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is fun, productive and not really all that difficult running a boring line though these intrigue patterns. Not only have I improved the line in question but in exploring different ways to say the same thing, new ideas for what the line means and how it plays out in the story also emerged.
Like others, I can see the value of putting a whole lot of lines through this process.
The bland line I’m trying to improve:
The Mirage himself is on the hunt for knowledge about his own identity and why he has endured for centuries, outliving all of his loved ones.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean:
The Mirage’s origins remain unknown, even to himself – but he’s terrified of his similarities to the demons he hunts.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface:
The Mirage has no idea who he is or why he has lived for centuries. Where the hell did he and his immortality come from?
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.:
The Mirage is immortal with incredible powers – but where did they come from? And at what cost?
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________:
Julia marvelled at The Mirage’s powers and invulnerability. But is his immortality a gift … or a curse?
E. But maybe it is all wrong:
The Mirage appears to know everything … but nothing about himself or where he comes from.
The Mirage has saved countless people … but why is he so cagey about his origins?
The Mirage has forgotten who he is and where he comes from. But have his memories been erased … or has he deliberately buried them?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences:
The Mirage is hunting for information about his own origins – tracking evidence, uncovering historical texts, digging into his memories. But what is he really going to find buried in his past?
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____:
Just because The Mirage doesn’t remember who he is, that doesn’t mean he’s hiding something from himself does it?
H. State the mystery:
Why would someone forget who he is? Is he just hiding from the truth?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse:
The Mirage has incredible powers and immortality, but they conceal a dark secret.
J. Intense language:
The Mirage has powers and abilities the envy of mortals. But what did he do to get them? And what did the demons have to do with it?
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Rob’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
Ok, so I’ve been nutting out some more of the elements of my story and have completely changed a whole lot of stuff. Primarily, I decided I had a whole lot of story in the later seasons that I decided to bring back into Season 1, so I’ve brainstormed some different directions for the later seasons to go in. I’ve come up with a bunch of increasing threats and larger settings in which to place them, and condensed the stuff I originally had intended to be Seasons 2 – 5.
I’ve also merged a bunch of storylines into the main thread in the hope that it will have a stronger through line.
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Rob’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of writing a synopsis of the whole story out in full sentences and paragraphs to find the through line and exclude distracting details. It helps to focus all of the disparate elements, give it a skeleton, and establish better what belongs and what doesn’t.
C. Engage Us in the Main Mystery
Title: Mirage
Format: 1 hour supernatural mystery
An ancient spirit, without flesh or substance, lives in secret amongst mortals in a 21st century metropolis. He can pass through solid matter and is invulnerable to normal weapons. Drawn to thwart criminals and assist those in distress, he develops a reputation as a mysterious hero and vigilante. His face cannot be captured on camera, earning him the moniker “The Mirage”.
The Mirage has no memory of his origins, or understanding of why he exists in spirit form. Though he appears human, his touch is repulsive to the living, leading to isolation and loneliness. Weary of immortality and his incapacity for physical intimacy, The Mirage desperately seeks a way to become human.
Only one person knows his secret – 80-year-old Madeleine, whom he befriended when she was a child. But Madeleine is dying, and The Mirage fears the impending loss of his sole friend and confidante more than that of the dozens of acquaintances he has outlived over the centuries.
The Mirage rescues a tough young woman, Julia Lockhart, from an attack by a powerful demon, and discovers that she holds the key to unlocking his memories. We learn of a dark underbelly of demonic beings who have infiltrated society and prey upon humans. The Mirage, who can see through the demons’ human disguises, has battled and eluded them for as long as he can remember. Now they are led by the mysterious archaeologist Vincent Chamberlain, who is obsessed with destroying the Mirage and stealing his immortality for himself.
Also hunting The Mirage is Detective Brendan White, a by-the-book cop with a skepticism about all things supernatural. Deeply resentful of The Mirage’s unorthodox approach to crime-fighting, Detective White hunts The Mirage with a view to capturing him and exposing him as a fraud.
Vincent sends his demons to kidnap Madeleine, drawing The Mirage into a trap. But thwarted in his attempts to interrogate The Mirage about his powers and immortality, Vincent murders Madeleine out of spite. Empowered by rage, the Mirage escapes from Vincent’s trap and is about to exact revenge on his friend’s murderer, but relents at the last moment.
The demons turn on Vincent who discovers, too late, that he himself is merely a pawn in a far more sinister plot by the demons to destroy The Mirage and awaken from slumber their one true leader – the Lord of the Demons who can unleash an unstoppable demonic army upon the Earth.
The means of defeating the Demon Lord lies in The Mirage’s locked memories – memories that The Mirage learns he has hidden from himself for a reason. In a dramatic finale, The Mirage must overcome his reluctance to see the truth behind his immortality, and his unspeakable connection to the demons that have plagued him for centuries.
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Rob’s Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am still very unclear about the events and details of Season 1. I found this assignment really difficult and only managed to cobble together 8 episodes, which are all pretty thin, and don’t have a strong through-line holding them together. They feel more like a series of events – this happens then this happens – rather than a chain of cause and effect – this happens because that happened.
Hopefully it’ll come together as time goes by …
THE CHEAT SHEET
1. Season Start – End:
Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season?
The Mirage reveals himself to the world when he rescues Julia from a demon attack.
Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the season, thus demanding that we watch the next season?
The Mirage discovers that he was once human and resolves to find out more.
2. Season 1 Mystery:
Question A: What is the mystery?
Who is the Mirage? Who is trying to kill Julia and why? Where did Vincent get his powers?
Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?
Julia is attacked. The Mirage refuses to reveal who he is or where he came from.
Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
The Mirage learns that he was once human, that Vincent the Necromancer has a spell book, and that the demons are controlling the Necromancer.
3. Lead Character Journey:
Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season?
The Mirage starts off as an arrogant loner, superior, contemptuous of others, and learns humility when he discovers he needs others’ help.
Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. That might give you an idea also.
4. Layers:
Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?
Vincent Chamberlain faked his own death to lure the Mirage into a trap.
Vincent has found The Mirage’s human skeleton and is using it to destroy him.
Vincent is in turn being manipulated by demons.
A secretive government organisation, AXIS, has been monitoring the Mirage and wants to recruit him for his powers.
The Queen of the demons is running AXIS.
The demons seek the mysterious “Talen Blade”, the only weapon that can kill the Mirage … and themselves.
Vincent seeks to recruit the
Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of?
5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines:
Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else?
The Mirage seeks Julia’s assassin
Vincent, the Necromancer, seeks to steal the Mirage’s immortality
The demons seek to get the Mirage to kill Vincent, while feigning subservience to him
Brendan White seeks to expose the Mirage as a fraud and get him into prison
Julia seeks to use the Mirage to bring down her boss
Madeleine seeks to find a successor for herself in the role of the Mirage’s confidante
AXIS seeks to recruit or capture the Mirage. Firstly they claim that is is because he is a threat to national security, then Vincent reveals it is to steal his powers and make Vincent lord of the demons
Question B: What are the most important story lines of this show?
The demons attack Julia
The Mirage investigates Vincent’s murder and the mysterious symbols
Vincent exhumes the Mirage’s skeleton
Vincent kidnaps Madeleine as a hostage to lure the Mirage into his trap
The Mirage seeks to avenge Madeleine’s death
The Mirage sneaks through the AXIS headquarters to find information about them
AXIS tries to recruit the Mirage for his powers
Vincent, the Head of Axis, is revealed as the Necromancer
Maybe the Mirage works for AXIS at the start, infiltrating enemy territory, then learns to use his powers for good?
The Mirage infiltrates an enemy camp where he is captured in the bone cage
The Mirage battles Vincent in a fight to the death then relents, relinquishing his desire for revenge, then the demons turn on Vincent and the Mirage has to fight them too. Reveal that when the demon leader is gone the demons will be gone too.
The Mirage wins big at the Casino – lives on cash because he has no bank account?
The Mirage investigates reanimated corpses at the museum
Vincent captures the Mirage in a “bone cage” and tortures him for information
Brendan White has the map that Vincent needs to find the skeleton location
AXIS uses Brendan White unwittingly to lure the Mirage to a crime scene
Vincent needs the Mirage to translate the parchment / map pointing to the skeleton’s location (or maybe needs Julia’s smarts??)
The Mirage is lured into a trap when he is given a clue to Madeleine’s whereabouts.
Vincent uses humans who know nothing to trick the Mirage – just pays them handsomely to do things without them knowing anything about the bigger picture
AXIS asks the Mirage’s help to solve the murder of one of their agents
Brendan White seeks his help to solve a cold case murder
Vincent murders Madeleine on the hands of the demon lord’s statue
Brendan White reluctantly seeks The Mirage’s help with corpses decomposing rapidly, then one comes back to life in the midst of the autopsy. Were they killed by some form of magic. So they think it is a strange death but it is actually a reanimation. They realise the corpses are of people long dead, not people reported missing recently.
Episode List:
Episode 1: The demons attack Julia and the Mirage reveals himself to the world
Episode 2: The Mirage assists police when zombies rob a bank
Episode 3: AXIS tries to recruit the Mirage for his powers but he is deemed a threat to national security
Episode 4: Vincent exhumes The Mirage’s skeleton with a view to capturing him
Episode 5: Vincent kidnaps Madeleine to lure the Mirage into a trap
Episode 6: Vincent captures The Mirage and tortures him for information
Episode 7: Vincent murders Madeleine with a view to awakening the Demon Lord
Episode 8: The demons turn on Vincent and The Mirage must fight them
Episode Dot points:
Episode 1:
A mysterious figure rescues someone from a towering inferno, and is captured on camera with a hazy mirage as a face
In another part of the city a demon attacks and kills some teenagers
Julia has a failed archaeological dig – meets with her boss, Vincent, and gets chastised about what went wrong, wasting University money etc
Julia goes to a bar and meets David
David rescues Julia from a demon attack
Brendan White investigates the teenagers’ death – notes the image of the Mirage from the towering inferno rescue
David returns to the scene of Julia’s demon attack to collect its “essence” in a receptacle of some sort
David tests the “essence” in his underground laboratory but is disappointed
Julia brings the demons to his doorstep and he fights them and sends them packing with his voice power. Finale: “Who are you?” “I don’t know.”
Episode 2:
In FLASHBACK we meet Madeleine as a child – she befriends one of her father’s servants, a playful, enigmatic figure, David
In PRESENT DAY, Madeleine tells David that he is sadder now than when she met him and he tells her why – she is his only friend and won’t live much longer
Madeleine has a pendant / amulet that David gave her to protect her from harm
Julia is staying with David and Madeleine until they can figure out who is trying to kill her and why
David reveals his affliction – his incapacity to touch anyone without them being physically repulsed. He shows Julia his underground laboratory and the experiments he performs – he is trying to find the one demon he needs to kill to become human and free himself from his affliction.
A bank is robbed and the cops kill several of the robbers, whose corpses decompose quickly
The Police department advertises for the Mirage to contact them.
The Mirage meets the police in the morgue where three dead robbers are kept. The robbers’ corpses come to life and the Mirage battles the “zombies”. Brendan White reluctantly looks on, hating the Mirage.
Episode 3
AXIS tries to recruit the Mirage for his powers
The Mirage sneaks through AXIS headquarters to find out information about them and what they’re up to
Episode 4
Vincent uses the information he has to find and exhume the Mirage’s skeleton
Episode 5
Vincent tricks the Mirage into giving Julia Madeleine’s protective pendant, then kidnaps Madeleine to lure the Mirage into a trap.
Episode 6
Vincent captures the Mirage in a magical “cage” using the Mirage’s skeleton and tortures him for information about his origins and how he came to be immortal
Vincent finds the altar where the demon lord is encased
Vincent forces the Mirage to translate the inscription on the side of the altar: “When a mortal dies on my hands, then I will be free”.
Episode 7
Vincent reveals that he plans to awaken the Lord of the Demons and kills Madeleine when he fails to get the Mirage’s powers for himself
Episode 8
The demons turn on Vincent when the Mirage refuses to kill him
The altar fades away at the end of Season 1.
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Rob’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is the benefit of breaking the story into bite-size pieces and answering questions about it one at a time to gather the puzzle pieces before trying to assemble and organise them.
1. The arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five:
Season 1 Start:
David / The Mirage is an ancient spirit with no knowledge of who he is, where he comes from, or why he has powers and is seemingly unique. He fights crime, protects people from danger, and battles demons.
Season 5 End:
David / The Mirage, having been restored to his human form and in full possession of self-knowledge and powers, hunts down the shadowy entity responsible for evil and suffering on the Earth.
2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version:
Season 1: The Mirage fights a Necromancer in the large city where he lives
Season 2: The Mirage fights the demons who controlled the Necromancer and roam the city
Season 3: The Mirage fights the Queen of the Demons across an international battleground
Season 4: The Mirage fights the Lord of the Demons in a battle across time
Season 5: The Mirage fights the shadowy Entity behind the Lord of the Demons across time and multiple dimensions.
3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season:
A spirit being fights crime, protects people from danger, and battles demons.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:
The Mirage grows from being an arrogant loner to accepting the help of others, and discovers that he was once human.
C. Main Conflict:
The Mirage vs a Necromancer who can animate corpses and summon demons
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops:
Who is the Mirage and where did the Necromancer get his powers?
E. Cliffhanger: The Mirage learns that he was once human and that the demons are controlling the Necromancer.
Season 2:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season:
The Mirage tracks down information about his origins and discovers that he had a wife and family who were killed by demons.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:
The Mirage gains hope in his goal of becoming human, having seen that it was once his identity.. Having been in denial about the true pain he carries of not knowing who he is or being able to touch people he learns to acknowledge this and not keep people at such distance emotionally.
C. Main Conflict:
The Mirage vs Demons
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops:
Who was the Mirage while he was human and how did he come to be immortal? What is the mysterious parchment that the Necromancer used to challenge him and who wrote it? What is “the Blade” that the Demons refer to and why are they seeking it?
E. Cliffhanger:
The Queen of the Demons is revealed as a close associate of the Mirage, hiding from his mystical sight using his own human skull as a mask / disguise.
Season 3:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season:
The Mirage hunts down and fights the Queen of the Demons who leads them in their Lord’s absence. He discovers that he became immortal as a result of the suffering he experienced when the demons killed his family.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:
The Mirage learns that his mystical sight is not as complete as he first thought, when he discovers that the Demon Queen has been concealing herself from him all this time.
C. Main Conflict:
The Mirage vs Queen of the Demons
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops:
Where is the Queen of the Demons hiding and what is she planning? Who is the powerful being of Fire and Light that appears to threaten both the Mirage and the Demons? What is the goal of this Third Party? Having found the hilt of the Talen Blade, how will the Mirage find / assemble the rest of it?
E. Cliffhanger:
The Queen of the Demons in the her lair bows before an altar with a terrifying beast (the Demon Lord) seemingly encased within the black stone of the altar.
Season 4:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season.
The Mirage hunts for the sword blade of the mystical “Talen Blade”, the only weapon that can kill the Lord of the Demons.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:
The Mirage starts the season believing he is the good guy then learns that he is the bad guy, and must use the Talen Blade on himself, sacrifice himself to save the world. He learns that the suffering of losing his family to the demons was more intense than he thought – because he caused it, resulting in him becoming a ghost, separated from his own truth and identity, condemned to wander until he can acknowledge and undo his act of betrayal.
C. Main Conflict:
The Mirage vs the Lord of the Demons. The Mirage discovers that he himself is the Lord of the Demons, and must fight temptation, choose to unleash them on the world or destroy them. The Demon Queen is utterly stunning, and capable of fulfilling his long-held need for physical intimacy – at the cost of unleashing an unstoppable army of demons upon the world.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops:
Where is the Demon Lord lying dormant? Where are the additional elements of the Talen Blade and how will they be assembled?
E. Cliffhanger:
The Mirage is restored to human form, now in full possession of self-knowledge and power, and the Talen Blade. We learn that the powerful being of Fire and Light was the spirit of the Mirage’s dead wife calling him home and offering forgiveness for his betrayal of her.
Season 5:
A. High Concept or major hook of the season.
The Mirage hunts down the shadowy Entity behind all evil and suffering on the Earth
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:
The Mirage learns to fully trust the good powers that have shepherded and assisted him this far.
C. Main Conflict:
The Mirage vs the shadowy Entity behind the Lord of the Demons
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops:
Where did this Entity come from and how will it be defeated? How does it relate to the choices that humans make which result in suffering and self-destruction?
E. Cliffhanger:
None – The Mirage resumes the life he was leading 500 years ago with his loving family
4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
Season 1:
David, an ancient spirit with no memory of his origins, lives in secret amongst 21<sup>st</sup> century humans. He appears normal but can pass through solid matter and is invulnerable to normal weapons, allowing him to rescue people from danger and thwart criminal activity. His face cannot be captured on camera, appearing only as a hazy visage, earning him the public moniker “The Mirage”.
The Mirage’s touch is repulsive to the living, keeping him apart, alone, isolated – with the exception of his 80-year-old live-in companion Madeleine, with whom he shared his secret when she was a child; for centuries The Mirage has searched in vain for a way to become human, to free himself from the affliction of his isolation, his incapacity for physical intimacy.
Habitually helping people in distress, The Mirage rescues a feisty young archaeologist, Julia Lockhart, from a demon attack. He tracks the attackers and uncovers a dark underbelly of demonic beings who prey on humans, led by the mysterious Necromancer Vincent Chamberlain, who can animate corpses, summon demons and use magic from a mysterious parchment written in an inhuman language. The Mirage’s supernatural sight allows him to see through the demons’ human disguises to identify them.
Vincent is obsessed with destroying the Mirage and stealing his immortality for himself. In pursuit of this goal he murders Madeleine, the Mirage’s sole friend and confidante.
Overwhelmed by grief and rage, The Mirage struggles against the desire for revenge, but resists taking Vincent’s life. In a climactic battle The Mirage defeats Vincent and discovers the source of the Necromancer’s power to challenge him – David’s own human skeleton which Vincent has exhumed and used to weaken and entrap him. The Mirage takes possession of the skeleton to prevent it being used against him again and in the hope of using it somehow to restore himself to human form.
Julia succeeds Madeleine as David’s confidante, their affection for one another having developed over time. The Mirage, who started Season 1 as an arrogant loner, learns to accept the help of others, and the discovery that he was once human, spurs him on a quest into …
… Season 2:
The Mirage, having learned that he was once human, resumes his investigation into his origins with renewed vigour. He and Julia are now friends, she knowing his secret, and there is a frisson between them in spite of his incapacity to engage in intimacy.
The Mirage battled the Necromancer’s demons, discovering that they were not under Vincent’s control at all but in service to another, as yet unknown, entity who it seems wrote the Necromancer’s book of evil magic. He learns that the demons were merely feigning subservience to Vincent – their objective was to incite The Mirage to kill a human being, an act of evil that he has never committed and which would have rendered The Mirage powerless to challenge them if he had taken Vincent’s life.
David delves more deeply into Vincent’s parchment and learns more about his human life – that he was a blacksmith who lived over 500 years ago, and he had a wife and two young children. He also learns that they were all killed by the demons in a fire that consumed their home. But how did David come to be immortal? What is the mysterious parchment that the Necromancer used to challenge him and who wrote it? And what is “the Blade” that the Demons refer to and why are they seeking it?
Amidst his search David encounters an overwhelmingly powerful being of Fire and Light which appears to threaten both the Mirage and the Demons. It appears suddenly and is gone moments later, leaving destroyed demons and a shell-shocked Mirage in its wake. What is the goal of this mysterious Third Party?
The Mirage learns to drop his denial and acknowledge for the first time the true pain he carries of being unable to touch people, allowing him to grow closer to Julia. He also learns that the book of magic was written by the Queen of the Demons who leads them and hides from The Mirage using some ability he knows nothing about.
Season 2 concludes with the Demon Queen secretly revealing herself to viewers – a close associate of the Mirage reaches into her own face and removes a human skull – David’s own skull – the means by which she has managed to evade his mystical sight so far.
Season 3:
We learn that the skull associated with David’s skeleton that Vincent exhumed was not David’s but that of someone else, allowing the Queen to retain David’s skull as a disguise without raising suspicion.
We also learn that the Queen has been seeking Julia’s death because Julia alone was able to see through the Queen’s disguise. The Mirage humbly learns that his mystical sight is not as complete as he first thought, when he discovers that the Demon Queen has been concealing herself from him all this time. But where is the Queen of the Demons hiding and what is she planning?
The Mirage hunts down the Queen of the Demons who leads them in their Lord’s absence. He learns that the Demon Lord is trapped somewhere, lying dormant, and the Queen seeks his resting place and the means to awaken him – to rule them and unleash an unstoppable army of demons upon the world.
David also discovers how he became immortal: the extreme suffering of losing his family when the demons killed them by fire splintered his soul from his body, turning him into a wandering ghost.
Again The Mirage encounters the supremely powerful being of Fire and Light, which vaporises all demons in its presence and threatens to consume the Mirage too, but he escapes from it, fleeing into the night.
He also learns that the demons are hunting for the mystical Talen Blade, the only weapon that can kill both the Lord of the Demons, and the Mirage himself.
The Mirage succeeds in finding the hilt of the Talen Blade, but how will he find and assemble the rest of the sword?
Season 3 concludes with The Queen of the Demons in a secret temple as she bows before an altar with a terrifying beast (the Demon Lord) seemingly encased within the black stone of the altar.
Season 4:
The Mirage is encouraged by his routing of the Demon Queen and her minions, and being in possession of the hilt of the Talen Blade. But where is the Demon Lord lying dormant? Where are the additional elements of the Talen Blade, and how will they be assembled?
The Mirage tracks down the remainder of the sword, battling through numerous dangers to compile the mystical weapon. Now in possession of the complete Talen Blade, The Mirage goes in search of the Demon Lord’s resting place with a view to killing him and ending the presence of demons on the earth once and for all. He finds the secret temple and the black stone altar with a terrifying beast locked within it. The Mirage severs the head from the entombed beast with the Talen Blade and shatters the altar into rubble …
… revealing that it is nothing more than a stone statue, merely a symbol of the Demon Lord’s entrapment, not the Demon Lord himself.
The Demon Queen reappears to confront him, revealing that The Mirage himself is the Lord of the Demons. As a human David created the demons, manifesting them out of his extreme suffering, not just just at his family’s death but out of his own guilt at causing their death. Tempted by lust for another woman he betrayed his wife and family, resulting in their accidental death in a fire. He learns that the suffering of losing his family to the demons was even more intense than he first thought, resulting in him becoming a ghost, separated from his own truth and identity. His own sense of guilt has condemned him to wander, condemned him to an absence of physical intimacy, until he can acknowledge and undo his act of betrayal.
The Demon Queen appears to The Mirage now in her full glory – utterly stunning, and capable of fulfilling his long-held need for physical intimacy – at the cost of unleashing an unstoppable army of demons upon the world. With his true pedigree now fully revealed, The Mirage faces a choice: to succumb to temptation again, reaffirm his original betrayal by breeding with the Queen, or undo that betrayal by destroying himself with the Talen Blade that he has so painstakingly restored.
Having started Season 4 with the firm belief of being on the side of good, The Mirage realises that he alone is responsible for the evil that has plagued him across the centuries, and that the Talen Blade’s sole function is for him to sacrifice himself to end that plague and save the world.
Wrestling with temptation and centuries of repressed desire, The Mirage begins to descend into darkness and appears set to fulfil the Queen’s long-standing objective of awakening his latent identity as Demon Lord. But the mysterious being of Fire and Light who has periodically intervened in the Mirage’s journey across four seasons reappears, urging him away from satisfying his desire and towards self-sacrifice.
Rather than fleeing in terror as before, this time The Mirage responds to the being of Fire and Light, and, to the distraught screams of the Demon Queen and her minions, kills himself on the Talen Blade …
… and finds himself back once again in his 15<sup>th</sup> century home with his family.
The Mirage is finally restored to human form, now in full possession of self-knowledge and power, and the Talen Blade. We learn that the powerful being of Fire and Light was the spirit of The Mirage’s dead wife calling him home and offering forgiveness for his betrayal of her – forgiveness which he could not accept until the very end.
Season 5:
Having been restored to his human form and in full possession of self-knowledge and powers, The Mirage hunts down the shadowy Entity responsible for evil and suffering on the Earth. He has learnt that a mysterious helper has been guiding and helping him all throughout his journey, and throughout Season 5 he learns to more fully trust the good powers that have shepherded and assisted him this far.
But where did the evil Entity come from? How does it relate to the choices that humans make which result in suffering and self-destruction like that he himself experienced over five centuries? And how will The Mirage’s discovery of the power of self-sacrifice assist him in tracking and defeating it?
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Rob’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of laying out the elements of a character before writing the prose description of that character.
DAVID / THE MIRAGE
An immortal spirit who appears human and fights demons
Noteworthy traits: various supernatural abilities – pass through solid matter, invulnerability to normal weapons. His face cannot be captured on camera and his touch is repulsive to the living.
Intriguing history: Unknown origins centuries ago – no memory of where he came from or why he has powers.
Intrigue / Mystery: Who are the demons and why are they targeting Julia?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others?: hunts down the demons to try to find out what their plans are; protects Julia from ongoing attacks; goes on a quest for a mystical blade that can kill the demons
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: has extraordinary access to others’ secrets but knows nothing about himself; extremely powerful but cannot engage in intimacy
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Julia resists authority figures and perceives the Mirage’s protection as a form of control
Unpredictable? Nihilistic, but fights evil anyway
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: Madeleine, Detective White, Vincent Chamberlain, Julia
START
An ancient spirit with no knowledge of his past or his present, lives in secret amongst humans. He can pass through solid matter, is invulnerable to normal weapons . However, his touch is repulsive to the living, keeping him apart, alone, isolated. . His face cannot be captured on camera earning him the moniker “The Mirage”.
MIDDLE
Rescues Julia from a demon attack, find out more about who he is
END
Confronts his nemesis – an archaeologist with the power and obsession to steal his immortality and destroy him
THE MIRAGE’S CHARACTER DESCRIPTION:
An ancient spirit with no knowledge of his origins lives in secret amongst humans. He can pass through solid matter and is invulnerable to normal weapons. His face cannot be captured on camera, earning him the moniker “The Mirage”.
However, his touch is repulsive to the living, keeping him apart, alone, isolated; for centuries he has been in search of a way to become human. Habitually helping people in distress he rescues a feisty young woman, Julia Lockhart, from a demon attack. He tracks the attackers and uncovers a dark underbelly of demonic beings who prey on humans, led by the mysterious archaeologist Vincent Chamberlain, who is obsessed with destroying the Mirage and stealing his immortality for himself.
The Mirage, who can see through the demons’ human disguises, uncovers a sinister plot to unleash demons upon the world. Julia holds the key to defeating them, and also to uncovering the truth about his own identity and where he came from. Together they hunt for the one weapon that destroy the demons forever, and the means for him to become human.
JULIA LOCKHART
An archaeologist with a mysterious connection to The Mirage.
Noteworthy traits: smart, feisty, independent, resistant to authority
Intrigue / Mystery: how does she know how to track down the Mirage? Why does she have memories of his exploits over the years?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Julia tracks down the Mirage and draws him into conflict with the demons hunting her.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: smart but insecure
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: makes the Mirage’s job protecting her difficult because of her independent spirit. Also seeks to use the Mirage to further her career as an archaeologist
Unpredictable?
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters
START
Archaeologist; feisty, independent, resists authority
MIDDLE
Saved from a demon attack. Uses academic smarts
END
Learns to team up with the Mirage and help him defeat the demons.
JULIA’S CHARACTER DESCRIPTION
Julia Lockhart is a brilliant archaeologist, feisty and resistant to authority. She works at the museum where she is bullied by her boss, Vincent Chamberlain.
After an attack on her life by a terrifying demon she encounters the Mirage, the powerful but secretive individual mentioned in the media, a being who appears periodically to help those in need and then disappears without trace. Julia uses her academic smarts to help him track the demons who hunt her and to uncover the secrets about himself that even he doesn’t know. But her feisty independence and her determination to avoid victimhood challenge the Mirage’s attempts to keep her safe, and her enthusiasm to advance her career tempts her to misuse the information she and the Mirage uncover.
In a final confrontation she discovers her own boss, Vincent Chamberlain, is in league with the demons and seeking to steal the Mirage’s immortality for himself. Realising the darker forces at play than mere career ambition, she teams with the Mirage to defeat Vincent and stop the demons from unleashing Hell on Earth.
VINCENT CHAMBERLAIN
Archaeologist, senior manager at the Musuem; summoner of demons.
Noteworthy traits: obsessive, charming, ruthless.
Intriguing history: where did he get the parchment with information about The Mirage?
Intrigue? Mystery? What is Vincent planning? How does he manage to evade the Mirage’s attempts to find and catch him?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Teams up with demons to track down the Mirage and steal his immortality
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: charming killer; ruthless, but cultured
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters
Unpredictable? Willing to do anything to defeat death
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: Julia is a rival, a hoped-for lover, a protege
START
Archaeologist
MIDDLE
Ruthless and competitive
END
Steal immortality
VINCENT’S CHARACTER DESCRIPTION:
Vincent Chamberlain is a senior archaeologist and Julia’s boss at the museum. Smooth, ruthless, competitive and brilliant, he hides his lethal tendencies behind a facade of charm and culture.
Since surviving a terrible childhood illness he remains utterly terrified of death. His research leads him to uncover an ancient parchment containing information about the Mirage’s identity. Using the parchment he summons demons to do his bidding, steal and murder on his behalf, with a view to stealing the Mirage’s powers and immortality for himself.
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Rob’s Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of distilling the big picture into a few sentences to find the essence of the story.
1. Present your Concept.
A. An ancient spirit …
B. … fights demons …
C. … in a quest to become human.
2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique Sub-World: An underbelly of demonic beings who have infiltrated society and politics is confronted by a being who can see through their human disguises.
Previously unexplored: The protagonist can pass through solid matter and is invulnerable to normal weapons. His face cannot be captured on camera and his touch is repulsive to the living.
The unknown: The protagonist has no memory of who he is or where he came from.
The unseen: Where the demons are and what their plans are; the police investigation into the protagonist’s activities.
Unheard of Dangers: The demons are numerous and prey upon humans. They hunt for a weapon that can kill the protagonist.
Reason to explore it: Weary of immortality and the lack of physical contact with people the protagonist seeks a way to become human … and finally die.
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Rob is ready for feedback!
What I learned doing this assignment is that collating all of the different elements into a few pages tends to distil what so far has been an overwhelming amount of information. It highlighted some gaps, and revealed possible juxtapositions between elements.
I found this valuable, and ended up trimming some elements and adding some new ones. It also highlighted that I need to find more ways to make my characters more empathetic in easy-to-see, concrete ways.
I’ve trimmed it as much as I can to keep it concise but also maintaining clarity (hopefully) but I think there’s probably plenty of room to trim it more.
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Rob’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of giving plenty of layers to each character, even, and in some ways especially, the most incidental ones, because they can step from the background into the limelight when they have intriguing elements to them.
Also, how much fun it is to just make stuff up off the top of your head and see if it might fit somewhere. A bit like splattering paint against a wall and seeing if it sticks, runs or washes away.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Plot and character layers in “The Vampire Diaries” as at Episode 10.
Plot Layers:
Layer 1 (Surface): A vampire is attacking people. Is it Stefan? No, it’s his brother Damon. He’s back to torment Stefan. They think no-one in the town knows about them but …
Layer 2: The Founder’s Council knows about vampires and is hunting them.
Layer 3: Stefan’s first love from 150 years ago was a vampire, the one who turned Stefan and Damon. Damon is in town again ….
Layer 4: … because he wants to resurrect Katherine using Bonnie’s crystal amulet, but Bonnie’s witch ancestor Emily intervenes to prevent it.
Layer 5: Logan, whom we thought dead, turns up out of the blue and is a vampire too. Who made him? He knows about Stefan and Damon being vampires and about a tomb beneath the church where Katherine is trapped in a spell.
Layer 6: The new history teacher in town, Alaric, knows about vampires too, and kills Logan. Is Alaric a vampire too?
Layer 7: Another, unknown, vampire stops Elena’s car on the highway. Who is it? Is it the one who turned Logan? Keep Bingeing to find out!
Character Layers:
Stefan:
Layer 1 (Surface): A vampire who feeds on animals not humans
Layer 2: Has a bad-boy brother who feeds on humans and was a romantic rival for Katherine’s affections long ago
Layer 3: Has a ring that allows him to survive in daylight
Layer 4: Katherine was the vampire who turned him and Damon
Damon:
Layer 1 (Surface): A ruthless vampire
Layer 2: Seeking to infiltrate the Founder’s Council and find out how much they know about vampires
Layer 3: Seeking to resurrect Katherine, his lover from long ago
Elena:
Layer 1 (Surface): A teenage girl grieving her dead parents
Layer 2: A determined investigator, wanting to uncover Stefan’s secrets
Bonnie:
Layer 1 (Surface): A teenage witch with psychic powers
Layer 2: Descendant of Emily, Katherine’s handmaiden
Katherine:
Layer 1 (Surface): Stefan and Damon’s love-interest
Layer 2: The vampire who turned them both into vampires
Logan:
Layer 1 (Surface): A TV newsman, ex-boyfriend of Jenna, Elena and Jeremy’s aunt / legal guardian.
Layer 2: A member of the Founder’s Council, intent on hunting vampires
Layer 3: A vampire himself who was turned by an as-yet-unknown vampire.
Alaric:
Layer 1 (Surface): The new history teacher …
Layer 2: … with a strong sense of justice and preparedness to stand up to a bully …
Layer 3: … who also knows how to kill vampires.
Sheriff:
Layer 1 (Surface): The local sheriff …
Layer 2: … who is also Caroline’s Mum …
Layer 3: … and a member of the Founder’s Council
ASSIGNMENT 2: Plot and Character Layers in “Mirage”
Plot Layers:
Layer 1 (Surface): A mysterious figure, given by the media the moniker “The Mirage” as a result of his hazy features that cannot be captured on camera, rescues people from crime and disaster. The cops investigate but are baffled. Julia Lockhart, a savvy but prickly young archaeologist takes an interest …
Layer 2: … and after witnessing a demon attack discovers that demons are at large in the city. Is the Mirage one of them?
Layer 3: After being attacked by the same demon Julia is rescued by the barman in her local bar, the Mirage in disguise. The Mirage is investigating …
Layer 4: … some strange occurrences around the city: bank vaults being robbed by mysterious, supernatural beings, women being kidnapped, and corpses coming to life in the morgue. He follows some mysterious symbols to a murder scene where he finds Vincent Chamberlain, Julia’s boss, a renowned archaeologist, dead. The Mirage investigates the murder and finds it relates to a tomb that has been uncovered in the desert, from which an ancient coffin was exhumed.
Layer 5: The Mirage and Julia discover that the coffin contained his own skeleton and is being used by someone for some unknown purpose.
Layer 6: The investigation reveals that the skeleton has been exhumed by Vincent Chamberlain himself who faked his own death and is seeking to trap and torture the Mirage for information about how he became immortal. The reanimated corpses are the result of his earliest experiments to defeat death. Vincent has information from some mysterious sheets of parchment that identifies the Mirage with snippets of his history, previously unknown even to the Mirage himself. The parchment allows him to control various demons to do his bidding – steal, kill, infiltrate, etc.
Layer 7: After the Mirage defeats Vincent we learn that he was never in control of the demons but being manipulated by them, and that their Queen is hiding from the Mirage’s supernatural sight, using the Mirage’s own skull as a mask.
Layer 8: A secretive government organisation, AXIS, has been monitoring the Mirage and wants to recruit him for his powers.
Layer 9: The Queen of the demons is running AXIS.
Level 10: A mysterious, overwhelmingly powerful being made of fire and light destroys demons and appears to threaten the Mirage. He cannot stand against it. Is it a friend or foe? Some other force is at play here that neither David nor the demons know about.
Layer 11: The Mirage learns more of his history – that he had a family who were killed by the demons.
Layer 12: The Mirage learns that he is the one who created the demons through his own betrayal of his family and his resultant guilt and suffering. The Queen of the demons is not seeking to destroy the Mirage but to awaken him to his true powers as their leader by getting him to betray his own values – kill people, succumb to temptation, etc.
Level 13: We discover that the being of fire and light is the spirit of David’s dead loving wife guiding him back to her, urging him to discover the truth about himself, let go of his guilt, and accept her forgiveness.
Character Layers:
Julia:
Layer 1 (Surface): Julia is an archaeologist investigating reports of The Mirage, a mysterious figure who has been sighted by criminals and their victims across the city in recent years. She encounters David and after being rescued by him from a demon attack, discovers that he is The Mirage. David seems to know everything about her …
Layer 2: … but discovers that she has secret knowledge of him, hand drawings of him and the demons who have been terrorising the city. She has been seeing him and them in her dreams and drew the pictures. She doesn’t know why she has been having the dreams.
Layer 3: As a result of previous emotional abuse in her relationships Julia is cautious about any future romances. But she finds a connection with David / The Mirage who cannot engage in physical intimacy with her but share a different kind of love, a connection without physical contact.
Layer 4: Aware of no possibility of a physical relationship with The Mirage, Julia becomes romantically involved with Jonas Brooks, an agent of AXIS, the mysterious Government organisation that is seeking to recruit The Mirage. The Mirage is jealous …
Layer 5: … but Julia is using Jonas to get information about what is really going on in AXIS with a view to …
Layer 6: … finding the missing piece of a mystical blade that can kill demons …
Layer 7 … which can also kill The Mirage.
David / The Mirage
Layer 1 (Surface): David is just a normal 21<sup>st</sup> century guy, a friendly bartender whom Julia knows. But after he rescues Julia from a demon attack she discovers …
Layer 2: … David is “The Mirage”, the mysterious figure who has been intervening to rescue citizens in trouble throughout the city, and throughout history.
Layer 3: The Mirage is not a man but an ancient spirit. He can see into the spirit world, uses his powers to see through illusion and disguises but …
Layer 4: … he does not know himself at all! He has no memories of where he came from, burdened by doubt about who he is and why he exists. He is in search of his identity and purpose. He and Julia begin to fall in love but …
Layer 5: … David / The Mirage cannot engage in intimacy. His touch is deathly cold, repulsive to humans. As a result of this affliction …
Layer 6: … David is in search of a cure for his immortality, a way to become human …
Layer 7: … when he discovers, after his skeleton is unearthed from an archaeological dig, that he was once human. Can he be again? Who was he? He goes in search of more information and discovers …
Layer 8: … that he was a blacksmith over 1500 years ago, and had a family who died under mysterious circumstances. He discovers that demons were involved. He hunts down the demons in search of vengeance, and more answers, and discovers …
Layer 9: … that he himself betrayed his own family through having an affair with another woman. His own family died as a result of his betrayal and out of the intense suffering of his own guilt the demons he has been in conflict with were born. In the present day he can choose to sacrifice himself to end the demons’ existence in the world, or succumb to temptation and unleash an army of demons across the Earth. Which will he choose?
Madeleine:
Layer 1 (Surface): Madeleine is a woman in her eighties, the live-in companion of The Mirage / David.
Layer 2: David befriended Madeleine when she was a little girl. They have been friends ever since.
Layer 3: Madeleine tests Julia emotionally, seemingly hostile …
Layer 4: … but is really seeking to find a suitable replacement for herself as a companion / confidante for David after she dies. She fixes on Julia as a possibility.
Layer 4: Madeleine betrays David, who is devastated that his lifelong friend would do such a thing until he realises that …
Layer 5: … she was really protecting him from her housekeeper, Evie, who is the Queen of the Demons in disguise.
Evie:
Layer 1 (Surface): Madeleine’s housekeeper and secretary who visits regularly to assist Madeleine …
Layer 2: … is really the Queen of the Demons in disguise, manipulating all events around The Mirage for her own ends.
Layer 3: She appears to be trying to destroy the Mirage …
Layer 4: … but is actually testing and pushing him to realise and embrace his potential as Lord of the Demons and ruler / destroyer of the world.
Detective Brendan White:
Layer 1 (Surface): A brilliant by-the-book detective with a prosthetic arm, a contempt for anything woo-woo / supernatural and a deep hatred of the Mirage and a desire to expose him as a charlatan.
Layer 2: Detective White has a gambling problem that makes him vulnerable to …
Layer 3: … manipulation by AXIS agents who want him to sabotage police investigations and …
Layer 4: … betray his values by embracing the supernatural and consorting with demons to bring the Mirage down …
Layer 5: … But White finally embraces his values and helps the Mirage to defeat the demons.
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Rob’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of intertwining storylines to open new loops, sustain others, and close some loops for a sense of forward movement. Open Loops need to be revisited to keep them alive, and so-called closed loops can be reopened if carefully crafted.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Big Picture Open Loops developed in Episode 9 of “The Vampire Diaries”:
Existing Open Loops:
Stefan backing off from Elena reignites the question of whether they will get together. When Stefan saves Bonnie’s life Elena decides she can be with Stefan but he says they had better not. The Loop remains open.
Who is Emily and why does she need Bonnie’s help? We learn that Emily was a witch who was Katherine’s handmaiden. Why does Damon want Bonnie’s crystal? We learn that it is to resurrect Katherine, that she was protected in a spell by the crystal, but Emily breaks the spell and Damon leaves town in despair. The comet’s return was the “celestial event” that allowed the spell to be cast and undone. Emily asked Damon to protect her lineage (Bonnie) but now she is breaking the deal by getting rid of Katherine.
We learn that Bonnie’s necklace cannot be disposed of – it keeps coming back to her.
When Stefan feeds a dying Bonnie his blood to save her life we learn that she will not turn into a vampire so long as she doesn’t die before she expels his blood from her system in the next few days.
Will Caroline and Vicky’s brother get together?
New Open Loops:
We meet a new character, Alaric, who wears a mysterious ring given him by his father. We are led to believe he might be a vampire because of the ring and he doesn’t enter a house without being invited. Is he a vampire or a red herring? He is courting Jenna. Alaric’s wife’s death remains an unsolved “cold case”. How did she die? Was it a vampire attack?
A family history project by Jeremy appears set to uncover some info.
Logan, whom we had assumed was dead after a vampire bite, returns. So, is he now a vampire too?
ASSIGNMENT 2: Big Picture Open Loops that could be in the pilot of “Mirage”:
Who is David / The Mirage and what is the source of his powers? Why is his face obscured in all photographic and digital images?
Who is sending the demons trying to kill Julia? Who murdered Vincent Chamberlain and why?
What are the parchments with mysterious symbols on them and how do they relate to the Mirage’s past?
What is “The Blade” that the demons are seeking?
What is the purpose of the mysterious experiments that the Mirage is performing?
Why does David’s touch have such a terrifying impact on humans?
Will Detective White track down the Mirage? What will he do if he does? Will he find a way to capture him?
Who are the mysterious Government agents trying to recruit David for his powers?
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Rob’s Show Mysteries
Doing this assignment I learned that every episode has a carefully curated mix of previous mysteries being deepened, new mysteries being created, and some mysteries being resolved with new revelations. Mixing new mysteries with some previous questions being answered encourages us to keep watching to find out more; as well as new challenges we also get little hits of “success” along the way to make the chase worthwhile.
Assignment 1: Mysteries in “The Vampire Diaries”, as at Episode 8
Smaller mysteries / new revelations:
What is the disembodied voice and the presence stalking Stefan at the beginning of Episode 8. It is Lexi, an old vampire friend
Lexi is more powerful than Damon because she is older, but she drinks blood from the Blood Bank, not from live humans. Stefan refuses to do this out of fear that this will lead to “addiction”, loss of control.
Big picture mysteries:
Will Elena and Stefan get together in a lasting relationship?
Will Damon turn good? Will Stefan defeat him or be defeated by him?
Who is Katherine, the vampire who turned Stefan and Damon into vampires, and what is her connection with Elena? Is she just a lookalike, a reincarnation, or is Elena a vampire herself without knowing it? Where is Katherine now? Is she still alive? Where has she been since?
Who is Bonnie and what are her powers? What is her talisman / pendant really for and where did it come from?
What are the rings that Stefan and Damon have which protect them from daylight, and why are there only two of them? Who made them and how?
What did Damon really do to Jeremy in “taking away his suffering” and causing him to study, etc?
What is Damon’s “diabolical plan” and how do killing Lexi, “curing” Jeremy, tormenting Stefan and sharing Vervain with the Council fit into it?
What is the “Council” and how did they find out about vampires?
In relation to Bonnie’s dream, what is “coming”?
Assignment 2: Mysteries in “Mirage”
Mystery 1: Shocking Event Mystery
A. Shocking Event: Julia is attacked by a demon and rescued by David
B. Secret: Who is David / The Mirage and how does he know so much about demons? How can he see them hiding amongst humanity?
Demons are at large and trying to kill Julia
C. Investigation: The audience is set up to find out who David is
Who: David / The Mirage is an ancient spirit
What: The Mirage hides secretly among mortals and fights evil, seeking a way to become human
When: He cannot remember his past beyond the last few hundred years
Where: Throughout history he has lived all over the world
Why: David is weary of immortality and seeks to find peace in a limited human life
Ultimate reveal 1: David was once human but his spirit became severed from his body as a result of a huge trauma.
Ultimate Reveal 2: David betrayed his wife and family, resulting in their death, which was the trauma that brought into being the demons who hunt him.
Mystery 2: Over time mystery: who are the demons and why are they trying to kill Julia?
A. Cover Up: David is made out to be the only one who can see through the demons’ human disguises. He can see them and hunt them.
B. Secret: The demon leader is using the skull of the human being David once was as a mask / disguise, so David cannot see through his human disguise as he can with other demons. Only Julia can.
C. Reveals:
Who: Demons are trying to kill Julia. David is the only one who can stop them.
Missing:
What: David’s own skull is a disguise he cannot see through – because we are always better at seeing other people than we are at seeing ourselves.
When: The demon leader found the skull centuries ago and took it to “hide” within it.
Where: The skull was encased in a tomb in an ancient catacombs.
Why: The skull is a disguise that David cannot see through, so the demon leader can hide from him, appearing as a normal human to his supernatural sight.
How: David comes across a riddle: “Your enemy hides in you.” He wonders at the meaning until it is revealed that his enemy, a demon is hiding inside a piece of his own physical body.
Ultimate Reveal: “Your enemy hides within you” is more literal than David realises – when he learns of his ancient betrayal of his family and that he is the source of the demons.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Rob Sutherland.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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Rob’s Show Empathy / Distress
Doing this assignment I realised that there are lots of tricky dilemmas that the characters face which highlight the challenges they are under and that these choices reveal a lot about who they are and the lengths they are prepared to go to manage their lives.
Assignment 1: Empathy / Distress in “The Vampire Diaries” so far …
A. Undeserved misfortune.
Elena and Jeremy, whose parents were killed in a car accident in the backstory
Stefan – continually tormented by and trying to manage Damon’s mischievousness
Caroline – continually fed-upon and manipulated by Damon
Vicky – the drub abuser who was fed upon by Damon, abused, terrorised, manipulated, mind-controlled, memory-erased and memory returned, turned into a vampire and subsequently killed.
Jeremy, who loved Vicky and observed her experiencing all of her challenges
Bonnie, confused and challenged by her own role and nature as a witch
Matt, confused and disappointed by being rejected by Elena in favour of Stefan, and also worrying about his sister, Vicky, with her drug-use and frequent disappearances
B. External Character conflicts.
Intentional:
Stefan vs Damon for control of the town
Damon vs the Founder’s Council over the vervain
Stefan vs Elena over secrets he keeps
Matt vs Stefan for Elena’s affections
Jeremy vs Tyson for Vicky’s affections
Bonnie vs Elena over whether Stefan is safe to be with
Unintentional:
Stefan’s conflict with Damon causes pain to Elena’s and the town in general
C. Plot intruding on life.
Damon re-enters Stefan’s quiet life
Elena discovers Stefan is a vampire
Bonnie discovers she is a witch
D. Moral dilemmas.
Elena: reject or accept Stefan, whose secrets she doesn’t like?
Stefan: drink human blood to be able to fight Damon? Kill Vicky to protect Elena and Jeremy? Lock up his own brother for 50 years to protect the world from him?
E. Forced decisions they’d never make.
Stefan reveals to Elena that he is a vampire
Stefan kills Vicky to protect Elena and Jeremy
Elena asks her nemesis, Damon, to mind-wipe Jeremy to forget what happened to Vicky and everything about vampires being real; she keeps the truth from Matt about his sister being both dead and a vampire
Bonnie explores her witch identity with her “crazy” grandma
Assignment 2: Empathy / Distress in “Mirage”
A. Undeserved misfortune.
Julia is being hunted by demons
David cannot touch people without them being repulsed by his touch
Brendan White lost his arm after being attacked, and has PTSD in similar situations
Madeleine has a mysterious skin rash that itches terribly, possibly of supernatural origin.
B. External Character conflicts.
Intentional:
David battles Vincent Chamberlain to protect Julia and Madeleine
Madeleine battles a demon extorting her to betray David
C. Plot intruding on life.
Demons attacking Julia place her in danger
David encountering Julia draws him into conflict with the demons
D. Moral dilemmas.
Will David reveal the whereabouts of his home with Madeleine, putting her at risk, in order to save Julia?
E. Forced decisions they’d never make.
Madeleine betrays David because she is being threatened by a demon
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Rob’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is how my antagonist has been a cardboard cutout “bad guy” as opposed to a living, breathing human being. Also the value of finding common ground between my protagonist and antagonist – otherwise the antagonist isn’t serving his proper function.
Also, the value of switching between the various creative processes when one stalls out, like cycling through a set of tools.
Assignment 1: Relationship Map of Vampire Diaries, Episode 6
ELENA-STEFAN
Surface
Elena: Love, Fear, Mistrust.
Stefan: Love, fear of being misunderstood
Common Ground
Love, affection
Conflict
Stefan wants to keep secrets; Elena wants to expose them
History
Strangers, then school-friends, then lovers, then estranged as a result of Stefan’s secret
Subtext
Love and desire
Relationship Arc
From love to fear
ELENA-DAMON
Surface
Adversaries
Common Ground
Loss, grief
Conflict
Elena wants a normal life
Damon wants to draw Elena into a life among vampires
History
Damon is Elena’s lover’s brother
Subtext
Competition, grudging affection
Relationship Arc
Elena: From contempt to fear
ELENA-JEREMY
Surface
Affection, concern
Common Ground
Loss of parents
Conflict
Elena wants to protect Jeremy
Jeremy wants to be with Vicky, do drugs
History
Siblings who lost their parents
Subtext
Maternal
Relationship Arc
Fluctuating between anger and affection
Assignment 2: Relationship Map for “Mirage”
DAVID-JULIA
Surface
Collaborators
Common Ground
Wanting to solve the mystery of who is trying to kill Julia
Conflict
David thinks he knows best but Julia hates being controlled, told what to do. David sees Julia as stuck in her head, over-intellectualising. She sees him as stubborn, set in his ways, “the way things have always been done.”
History
David rescued Julia from a demon attack
Subtext
Love
Relationship Arc
David: From mistrust to love
Julia: From fear to love
DAVID-MADELEINE
Surface
Friendship, Affection, cohabiters
Common Ground
Fear of the demons, shared history together
Conflict
David refuses to discuss a succession plan, who will take over as David’s confidante after Madeleine’s death.
Madeleine seeks to control David’s relationships with others.
History
David befriended Madeleine when she was a child
Subtext
Maternal
Relationship Arc
From clinging to one another to letting go of one another
DAVID-VINCENT
Surface
Adversaries
Common Ground
Having secret knowledge of the supernatural world. Desire for control, discomfort with untidiness, the unknown
Conflict
Vincent wants to steal David’s powers out of jealousy and fear of his own death
History
Vincent has been researching David covertly; David encounters Vincent for the first time when Vincent presents a mystery for the Mirage to solve
Subtext
Competition
Relationship Arc
David: From friendship to destroying Vincent.
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Rob’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is how one-dimensional and often “nice” I often make my main characters. I need to “break” them more, crack them open to see what is really inside and not be afraid of what might be there. There’s fertile ground for drama there.
Also, the value, again, of just filling out the profile by tossing things in to “audition” them for positions in a character’s personality, knowing they may not stay there. Doing so throws open the possibility of interesting connections between the various elements because each one feeds into and offers possibilities for the others.
Also, that a character mask is like a secret the character doesn’t know they are keeping, and which offers room for both growth and subtext. This is different to a deception, which is a secret they do know they are keeping.
Assignment 1: Emotional Profiles in “The Vampire Diaries”
ELENA PROFILE
A. Hope: Find love and happiness. Fear: Being alone, never recovering from her grief
B. Want: To have a relationship with Stefan. Need: To be loved
C. Base Negative Emotion: Grief / sadness Public Mask: Coping
D. Weaknesses: Cannot abide secrets, obsessive need to uncover the truth
E. Triggers: Being lied to
F. Coping Mechanism: With Stefan – Escape, denial. With Jeremy – confrontation
STEFAN PROFILE
A. Hope: Live a normal life. Fear: Losing the one he loves – again; losing control of his vampire nature.
B. Want: To have a relationship with Elena; to protect people from Damon. Need: to feel at home, settled.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Fear, doubt. Public Mask: Cool, competent.
D. Weaknesses: Lack of trust; being a loner.
E. Triggers: Violence and injustice
F. Coping Mechanism: Withdraw and be a fixer, then return.
DAMON PROFILE
A. Hope: To have a relationship with Elena. Fear: Being alone, always wandering without human connection
B. Want: To roam free, wild, violent, use his power, take revenge on Stefan. Need: to connect with others
C. Base Negative Emotion: Self-loathing. Public Mask: Violence, anger, being in control.
D. Weaknesses: Being a loner; lack of accountability
E. Triggers: The suggestion that he can change, live a normal life.
F. Coping Mechanism: Violence
Assignment 2: Emotional Profiles in “Mirage”
DAVID PROFILE
A. Hope: To find out who he is; to find meaning. Fear: That he will forever be alone; discovering that life is pointless and he is a cosmic accident.
B. Want: To become human. Need: Human connection / intimacy.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Fear, grief, loss. Public Mask: Arrogance as a result of his invulnerability. The Mirage won’t admit to having human needs.
D. Weaknesses: Refusing help from others, denial that he is bothered by immortality
E. Triggers: Witnessing basic human connection / physical touch between others
F. Coping Mechanism: Withdrawal, research into his past
JULIA PROFILE
A. Hope: To make a name for herself as an archaeologist. Fear: Of emotional connection; being killed by the demons.
B. Want: To survive. Need: Self-confidence
C. Base Negative Emotion: Self-doubt. Public Mask: Intellectual, brainy, educated
D. Weaknesses: Keeping people at bay, jealousy
E. Triggers: Criticism
F. Coping Mechanism: Intellectualisation, projection of her own faults onto others
DETECTIVE WHITE PROFILE
A. Hope: To use solid policing and smarts to do his job well. Fear: That he is out of his depth.
B. Want: To catch the Mirage and bring him to justice. Need: To forgive himself
C. Base Negative Emotion: Guilt at his secret gambling losses. Public Mask: Dominant, authority, “by the book”
D. Weaknesses: Strict adherence to rules and regulations, the way things have always been done
E. Triggers: Evidence or suggestions of the supernatural
F. Coping Mechanism: Hard work, denial
VINCENT CHAMBERLAIN PROFILE
A. Hope: To become immortal. Fear: Death and damnation
B. Want: To steal the Mirage’s powers and immortality. Need: Control, power
C. Base Negative Emotion: Fear. Public Mask: Ruthlessness, anger, feigned civility
D. Weaknesses: Obsessiveness; narcissism
E. Triggers: Failure; suggestions to let go of his obsession
F. Coping Mechanism: Manipulation, conspiracy, violence
MADELEINE PROFILE
A. Hope: That her life has been well spent. Fear: That David will love another more.
B. Want: To pass on her role as David’s confidante to someone worthy. Need: To stop and rest, be still
C. Base Negative Emotion: Jealousy. Public Mask: Compassion, joy, wisdom
D. Weaknesses: Need for control, ownership of David, vetoing his relationships with others
E. Triggers: Others learning his identity, getting close to him
F. Coping Mechanism: Behaving childishly
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Rob’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that just brainstorming and throwing some random ideas in to fill gaps and and answer the basic questions presented here is both fun and can make for some interesting characters. I don’t know if what I’ve tossed into these gaps will stay but it is an interesting starting point.
Also, the benefits of thinking of the characters as part of a network, with the “spotlight” of the narrative moving around to focus on different subsets of that network at different times.
Assignment 1: Layers of Intrigue in “The Vampire Diaries”
Character Name: Stephan
• Role: Vampire trying to do good and have normal relationships with humans
• Hidden agendas: wanting to hide his true identity
• Competition: Fighting with Damon to protect Elena and the town
• Conspiracies: Colluding with Stephan’s mysterious “uncle” to poison Damon
• Secrets: what happened to Katherine?
• Deception: Spiking Caroline’s drink so as to trick Damon into taking the poison
• Wound: Grief, anger, fear of what his brother will do
• Secret Identity: being a Vampire!
Character Name: Damon
• Role: Vampire wanting to have fun by killing people in the town and toying with his brother
• Hidden agendas: Get close to Elena and turn him against Stephan
• Competition: Fighting with Stephan in an attempt to win Elena
• Conspiracies: Mind-controlling Caroline to turn Elena against Stephan, trying to get Stephan to drink human blood
• Secrets: Obtaining a crystal for some mysterious purpose
• Deception: Hiding his attacks on his victims, pretending to be human
• Wound: Grief, anger, desire for revenge
• Secret Identity: Being a ruthless, murderous vampire
There is growing intrigue in The Vampire Diaries now. Stephan and Damon were the source of most of it up until now. Who was Katherine and what happened to her exactly? How did the brothers become vampires? What is the “important crystal” that Damon recovered. But now new characters are emerging with more intriguing questions surrounding them, in particular the group including Caroline’s Mum (a policewoman) and Vicky’s ex-boyfriend who seem to know about the vampires (unless their meeting at the end of episode 4 is about someone else entirely – which it might be …)
There’s also a growing network of characters (as if there weren’t enough already) as seemingly peripheral characters step into the limelight.
Assignment 2:
Character Name: David / The Mirage
Role: A spirit with an ancient but mysterious past who protects humanity
Hidden agendas: To find a way to become human
Competition: With Vincent Chamberlain who wants to steal his immortality, with Madeleine who wants him to be more active and overt in using his powers, to stop hiding from the world
Conspiracies: Conspires with Madeleine to manage his finances and worldly identity, given he has no legitimate ID documents
Secrets: Becoming human will mean he can no longer fight against the demons in the world
Deception: Keeping the cops unaware of the real demonic powers at play in the city
Wound: Grief and guilt about how he came to be immortal
Secret Identity: He is not human
Character Name: Julia
Role: An archaeologist who discovers who the Mirage is
Hidden agendas: To use the Mirage to further her career as an archaeologist
Competition: With Vincent to become Dean of the Faculty
Conspiracies: Conspires with Madeleine to get the Mirage to reveal himself to the world
Secrets: Knows more about the demons who threaten the city than she is letting on
Deception: Blackmails Brendan White with knowledge of his gambling habit
Wound: Lacked human connection as a child and seeks
Secret Identity: Kick-boxing, a skill she learned when she ran away from her foster home and ended up on the streets
Character Name: Detective Brendan White
Role: Police detective who seeks to expose the Mirage and bring him down
Hidden agendas: Has a serious gambling habit
Competition: With the Mirage for control of crime scenes and the media narrative about supernatural involvement in various crimes
Conspiracies: Conspires with Vincent Chamberlain to bring the Mirage to justice, conspires with Casino staff to hide his gambling from others
Secrets: Massive debt as a result of his gambling habit
Deception: Constantly hiding his gambling from other cops.
Wound: A criminal father whom he captured and imprisoned
Secret Identity: Gambler
Character Name: Vincent Chamberlain
Role: An archaeologist who works with Julia
Hidden agendas: Seeks to steal the Mirage’s immortality
Competition: With the Mirage to steal his immortality
Conspiracies: With Detective Brendan White to lure the Mirage into a trap
Secrets: Possesses an ancient text with information about the Mirage and his origins
Deception: Pretends he is interested in his career when in fact he just needs influence until he has defeated the Mirage
Wound: Survived meningitis as a child and believes he is destined for immortality
Secret Identity: Demon-summoner
Character Name: Madeleine
Role: David’s ninety-year old live in companion
Hidden agendas: To do whatever it takes to protect David from others and from himself
Competition: With David for how best to manage his immortality and his power
Conspiracies: With Julia to encourage the Mirage to find his true identity and use his powers for good
Secrets: A deep love for David – Refused to marry so that she could remain with him
Deception: That she never had the opportunity to get married and live a normal life, when in fact she just rejected suitors in favour of staying with David throughout her life
Wound: Infertility
Secret Identity: A chess prodigy
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Rob’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that the Episodic format of “Supernatural” is not really what I am after for my story. It has an overarching storyline but the episodes feel like deviations from that, almost irritating distractions from the story I am really interested in, which is Dean and Sam’s hunt for the demon that killed their mother. I feel impatient to get towards that storyline and feel that the episodes are padding out a series rather than compelling.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
“Supernatural” Engaging Character Profile: Dean
A. Role in the show:
A 26-year-old supernatural hunter on the search for his Dad and the demon that killed his Mum
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Expertise: Knows a lot about supernatural beings and how to destroy them
Purpose: To take revenge on the demon that killed his mother.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Unclear at this stage.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Frequently impersonating government officials to gain access to places and information. Hiding his true purpose because people won’t believe him.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
What skill or experience will he pull out of his bag of tricks to defeat the supernatural beings?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
He is helping people who are being threatened by supernatural beings, saving people’s lives, as well as chasing after a demon threatening his own family.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
My show: “Mirage”
The journey:
A mysterious, centuries-old spirit known as The Mirage protects the world from evil while searching for a way to become human.
David / The Mirage
A. Role in the show
David, an ancient spirit, has various super powers and abilities. His face cannot be captured on camera, appearing only as a smoky haze, earning him the public moniker “The Mirage”.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
The Mirage is impervious to material weapons, can become invisible, pass through walls and see into the ether / spirit plane. The Mirage has a “kryptonite” in the form of sandalwood – even sandalwood smoke renders him vulnerable. He cannot remember where he comes from or why he has his powers and abilities. He starts off as a rather nihilistic, reluctant hero as a result of his inability to engage in intimacy.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
David is in denial about his need for human contact. He separates himself from society but knows deep down his need for human contact.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
David lacks any accountability, being invulnerable to normal weapons, so uses his powers to toy with people, make money, etc
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
David turns away from his nihilistic self and begins to heal himself and sue his powers to fight evil
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Being non-corporeal, David cannot touch people without harming them. His interactions with the material world can only be done through the gloves he wears which protect the living from his icy cold touch. As a result, he cannot engage in intimacy.
Julia Lockhart
A. Role in the show:
Julia is a young up-and-coming archaeologist with a mysterious connection to David and his unknown past. Julia urges David to use his powers to fight evil and to seek out his true identity.
Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Julia has a mysterious connection to David which allows her to guide him in his quest for self-knowledge
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Julia believes the Mirage’s ancient knowledge could assist her in obtaining tenure in her academic position at the University. She also knows more about him than she lets on.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Julia knows that the Mirage is operating outside the law but wants to help him anyway – but she is also using him for her own ends.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Julia wants to bring down her boss, Vincent Chamberlain, but does not have a clue about his real intentions
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Julia was a foster child and lacked human connection during her youth
Detective Brendan White:
A. Role in the show:
Brendan White is an earthy, no-nonsense, cop who is hunting David – he’s Tommy Lee Jones in “The Fugitive”.
Unique Purpose / Expertise:
In spite of his scepticism about the supernatural, Detective White’s prosthetic arm has a “phantom itch” which operates like his own intuitive “sixth sense” which he has long used to solve crimes.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Detective White is in denial about any form of supernatural activity but deep down knows he is going to have to confront it
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
White knows that the Mirage is doing good work even as his methods are unconventional, and must choose between his own “by the book” methods and the Mirage’s less conventional crime-fighting techniques.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Brendan White does not believe in the supernatural – until he encounters it personally and has to fight for his life, with the help of the one he hates – the Mirage.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
White is cool, a great cop and his underlings respect him enormously.
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What I learned doing this assignment is the value of thinking of the characters in groups, so as to ensure the protagonist remains front and centre but is surrounded by other engaging characters.
Assignment 1: Supernatural Character Circles (Based on Episodes 1 and 2)
A. Main Characters Circle:
Dean
Sam
Dean and Sam’s Dad
The antagonists: The White Woman and the Wendigo
B. Connected Circle:
Dean and Sam’s Mum
Sam’s girlfriend (Jessica)
The White Woman’s victim (the young man)
The victim’s girlfriend and friend
The White Woman’s husband and children
The cops who arrest and question Dean
Haylie and her brothers
The bear hunter
C. Environment Circle:
The hotel receptionist
The firefighters and paramedics who respond after the various attacks
Sam’s college friend
The witness to the Wendigo attack 66 years ago
Assignment 2:
Rob’s Three Circles of Character for “MIRAGE”
A. Main Characters’ Circle
David, an ancient spirit, hundreds, perhaps thousands of years old who has various super powers and abilities. His face cannot be captured on camera, appearing only as a smoky haze, earning him the public moniker “The Mirage”.
Julia Lockhart, a young up-and-coming archaeologist with a mysterious connection to David and his unknown past. Julia urges David to use his powers to fight evil and to seek out his true identity.
Brendan White, a police detective with a prosthetic arm – earthy, no-nonsense, anti-woo-woo who is hunting David and trying to expose him as a fraud. In spite of his scepticism about the supernatural, Detective White has his own intuitive “sixth sense” which he has long used to solve crimes.
Madeleine, the old lady whom David befriended while she was a young girl. She has been David’s live-in companion ever since, a mentor figure of sorts despite being much younger than him.
Vincent Chamberlain, Julia’s boss and a more senior archaeologist who also has knowledge of both the demons at play in the world and of David as a result of a mysterious book that he has uncovered. Vincent is the antagonist hoping to discover and steal the secret to David’s immortality.
B. Connected Circle
Jonas Brooks, an unscrupulous, weasely journalist always on the lookout for a good story. David’s activities in crime-fighting and demon-hunting offer plenty of material for him.
Tom and William, the cops who answer to Brendan White but who are nervous about their boss’s meddling in supernatural affairs that he can’t understand and doesn’t take seriously. They fear he’s in for a rude shock when he finds out what is really at play in David’s world.
The demons who serve Vincent and do his bidding by attacking David and generally wreaking havoc on the city.
C. Environment Circle
Other cops, other demons.
Bystanders to demonic crimes and plots and David’s attempts to foil their plans.
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What I learned doing this assignment is just how many layers are packed into a pilot episode to make that episode work and to set up a whole season with foreshadowing and identification with the characters.
“Supernatural” Pilot Synopsis
We open with a loving family at bedtime, a young boy, Dean and his parents tucking a baby (Sam) into bed. (EMPATHY)
Later that night a demon kills the mother. The father and two boys escape from the house.
OPEN LOOP: who is this demon and why did it kill the mother?
A normal, loving family upset by tragedy and violence (EMPATHY)
22 years later …
Sam’s girlfriend (who looks remarkably similar to his mother) is encouraging him in his application to law school. They are at a Halloween party which adds to the sense of something supernatural, creepy going on. She has great sex appeal. Sam doesn’t like Halloween (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
A normal life here, just an average kid dealing with everyday issues, relatable wants and objectives. (EMPATHY)
Sam LSAT results lead his friends to identify him as the “Golden Boy” of his family, but he says they don’t know about it. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER: Clearly there is family tension and disconnection now.)
Sam loves his girlfriend: “What would I do without you?” (OPEN LOOP)
Sam’s brother Dean turns up unexpectedly, breaking into Sam’s house. Through a martial arts fight we learn that:
– They have a chequered history
– Both are fighters
– They haven’t seen each other in a while (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
Dean seeks to draw Sam away from his girlfriend to “talk about some family business” but Sam says he can say it in front of her (Sam is seeking to hold onto his normal life and not let his old life take him away from it). Dean says their Dad is missing. Sam suggests he is a drunkard and that this is normal, he’ll turn up, etc. But Dean says he’s been out “hunting” which refers to something meaningful which Sam wants to keep hidden from his girlfriend, so they go elsewhere to speak. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
Through mentions of an unusual childhood, mentions of “silver bullets”, poltergeists etc we learn that Dean and Sam have been raised to hunt supernatural beings and that those are the times that their dad went “missing”. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
THE BIG HOOK / INTRIGUING CHARACTERS: This is a family of supernatural hunters
We learn that “Don’t be afraid of the dark” is nonsense. Dean: “You know what’s out there.”
Sam was afraid of the dark – for good reason. (EMPATHY / DISTRESS)
Mention of “Dad’s obsession to find the thing that killed her … and we still haven’t found the damn thing.” A clearly stated objective. (OPEN LOOP)
Sam is unhappy with their childhood and wants to leave it behind. “We were raised like warriors”. But Dean embraces it. Sam want’s a “safe” life. We discover Sam’s tension with his Dad “I was just going to college. He’s the one who said if I was gone to stay gone.” (INTRIGUING CHARACTER).
We have inherent conflict here as Dean offers the “call to adventure” which Sam refuses (Hero’s Journey). Sam: “I swore I was done hunting, for good.” Still reluctant but intrigued Sam asks “What was he hunting?”
Dean reveals the contents of his car – knives, weapons and various unusual items. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER).
Dean reveals that he hasn’t seen his Dad for 3 weeks. Their Dad was investigating the disappearances of ten men on the same isolated stretch of road out in the country over the last 20 years.
We also learn that Sam thinks it unusual that their Dad let Dean go on a hunting trip by himself, his “own side gig.” Something unsaid here between them. (OPEN LOOP)
Dean plays a recording of a voicemail from his dad with which has only one voice on it but once slowed down and put through a filter it reveals another voice saying “I can never go home.” OPEN LOOP
Dean tells Sam “it’s like riding a bike” – clearly their shared history has stuck with Sam, in spite of his attempts to leave the “hunting” life behind. His reluctance is being clearly telegraphed here, all ready to crumble as events progress. (LAYERS)
Dean offers another call to adventure which Sam accepts in a limited way “just to find his Dad” so long as he can get back in time for his law school interview. We establish that this is super important to him, his “future on a plate.” (EMPATHY)
We meet Sam’s girlfriend again as he chats with her about his trip, downplaying it as a “family drama.” (LAYERS)
He promises that “everything is going to be OK” which is never going to end well! (EMPATHY)
Meanwhile, a mysterious woman in white hitchhiking beside an isolated stretch of road is picked up by a young man and seduced: “Take me home”. More sex appeal for what is probably a predominantly male audience. Her “home” is a creepy derelict farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. She is clearly supernatural, as demonstrated by her movements and ability to disappear, mysterious fingerprints on the windscreen etc – but the young man doesn’t realise … yet. As they arrive and she looks at the house she repeats the line from Dean’s voicemail: “I can never go home.” Then she disappears. He tries to find her in the derelict house, where we see a photograph of a couple of kids. Suddenly he flees in terror at some apparition and drives away. She appears in the back seat of his car and, as he comes to a halt on an old bridge, kills him, sending blood all over the car interior. (OPEN LOOP)
Dean and Sam stop at a gas station for supplies where we learn that the family are running credit card scams because “hunting” doesn’t make any money, and learn the fake names that they use for the false credit cards. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
Sam criticises Dean for his cassette tape collection of “mullet rock”. He objects to being called “Sammy”. Ie. “I’ve grown up now.” Possibly setting up a conflict over seniority at some point? (OPEN LOOP)
Dean and Sam enter the district of Jericho 7 and establish that their dad isn’t in the morgue. Good news but where is he then? OPEN LOOP
Dean and Sam arrive to find the cops investigating the missing young man’s car. We see that they have a history of false identities (ID cards, FBI badges, etc). Dean impersonates a US Marshall to get information out of the cops. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
The car is completely clean of blood, “almost too clean”. (OPEN LOOP: what happened here after the young man was killed?)
Also, Sam is unhappy with Dean’s methods.
Dean and Sam find and speak with the girlfriend of the young man and learn of a local legend about a girl who was murdered on that stretch of road. A bit more research reveals that the girl suicided from the bridge after her children SUPPOSEDLY drowned in the bathtub.
They investigate the bridge where she suicided. Sam reminds Dean about his interview “I’ve gotta get back by Monday”. Another reminder of his reluctance to be involved in all of this and his desire to live a normal life. That life is calling to him continually. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER / EMPATHY)
Dean again urges Sam to embrace this life but Sam says he doesn’t remember his mum outside of pictures and “finding the thing that killed her” isn’t going to bring her back. A taste here of the series objective outside this single episode, and the ongoing tension between the boys. (OPEN LOOP and a reminder of the BIG PICTURE HOOK).
The ghost-girl appears on the bridge, jumps off again, then takes control of Dean’s car and drives it at them. They barely escape, but establish that the girl isn’t happy about them investigating. (OPEN LOOP)
They find a room at the local hotel and discover that their Dad stayed there too. They find his research and establish that the dead girl is a “woman in white”. (OPEN LOOP: What is a woman in white?)
Dean, having previously wondered what the connection between the girl’s victims is, refers to them as “sly dogs” (OPEN LOOP). They are clearly familiar with “women in white” from previous experience and indicate that their dad would have destroyed the girl’s corpse and wonder why he hasn’t. (OPEN LOOP).
We see through friendly banter the affection the boys have for one another and their father. (EMPATHY)
Sam listens to a phone message from his girlfriend, reconnecting him with and inviting him back into his normal life. (EMPATHY).
Dean gets arrested for impersonating a US Marshall and using fake credit cards. The cops see him as a suspect, having seen their dad’s “satanic mumbo jumbo”, and ask him about a coded message from his Dad. (OPEN LOOP)
Sam seeks out the woman in white’s widower in the hope of finding his Dad and establishes that the man was unfaithful to his wife. Sam reveals the phenomenon of “the woman in white” in which betrayed women kill their children and then themselves, and their cursed spirit preys upon other unfaithful men. (OPEN LOOP)
Meanwhile, Dean dodges questions about the coded message then escapes when Sam distracts the cops. Their shared history is coming to the fore as we see how they work well together, and the skills they have to operate outside the law. (INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
In speaking to Sam on the phone Dean reveals that the coded message means their Dad has left town. But Sam is attacked by the woman in white who asks to be “taken home”. Sam refuses, demonstrating that he has experience with this situation, but she takes control of his car and drives him to the derelict house against his will. (EMPATHY / DISTRESS, INTRIGUING CHARACTER)
He says she can’t kill him because he has never been unfaithful (INTRIGUING CHARACTER) but she says he will be, and kisses him, then turns into a demon and tries to kill him. (EMPATHY / DISTRESS)
Dean arrives, distracts her, then Sam “takes her home” by driving his car into the house, where she encounters the ghosts of her dead children, who embrace her. They and the demon then fall into a vortex in the floor and are gone.)
After she’s gone the boys revert to their friendly banter (EMPATHY) which represents another subtle invitation to Sam to join with his brother in his “hunting”. Dean presents an overt invitation too when they work out where their Dad has gone (“We made a hell of a team back there”) but Sam refuses again and asks to be dropped home so he can go to his law school interview.
Everything appears to be resolved, Sam is about to return to his normal life when …
… he finds the same demon who killed his mother has now killed his girlfriend! (EMPATHY / DISTRESS, INVITING OBSESSION). Dean rescues Sam.
Sam’s normal life is now over and any incentive to refuse Dean’s call to adventure is now gone. The finale of the episode, concluding with Sam saying “We’ve got work to do”, is a beautiful inciting incident for the rest of the season.
1. THE BIG HOOK: Two “supernatural detectives” hunt the demon that killed their mother
2. The characters are intriguing because of their shared history as demon hunters.
3. We feel empathy for them because a demon killed their mother and Sam’s girlfriend, and they have a loving, brotherly relationship.
4. OPEN LOOPS: Who / what is this demon and why did it kill their mother and target Sam’s girlfriend too? Will they catch it? What does it want and why is it after them in particular? Where has their Dad gone and why did he leave Jericho when the woman in white was active in the area? What is he up to? What other supernatural beings will these young men encounter and how will they deal with them? Will Sam ever return to his normal life?
5. INVITING OBSESSION: This demon is really, really nasty and clearly has something against this family. What the hell is going on there?
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Hi Everyone. I’m entering the class a little late. Delighted to “meet” you all.
My name’s Rob Sutherland. I’ve written about 6 or 7 features and a few shorts. One of the features I produced independently ages ago (2001). Since then I’ve been producing and directing corporate and educational videos and documentaries for clients, but fiction writing has always been my passion and I’m diving back into it now.
I’ve joined this class because I’m just soaking up as much as I can about storytelling from every source I can find. I did the ScreenwritingU Pro Series a few years ago and found it really valuable – very demanding, but rewarding.
looking forward to learning with you all.
Cheers.
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My name is Rob Sutherland and I agree to the terms of this release form
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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My name is Rob Sutherland and I agree to the terms of this release form
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Really feel for you having migraines. Same here. Glad you’ve got some medications that work for you. Cheers.
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Thanks mate. 🙂
Cheers
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Welcome “E”. Great to have you on board.
Glad to find someone else who is persevering with a long-standing project. The one I’m working on for this course I first started as a novel in 2001 and dabbled with from time to time since. Like you I’m hopeful of finally pulling it into shape.
Cheers, and good luck with it.
Rob
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Hiya Tash. Lovely to hear there’s another Aussie here. I’m in Melbourne, also in lockdown.
I’m keen to hear about the work you’ve done in the film industry and the feature you have in pre-prod. Congratulations! Must be exciting to see those words on the page coming to fruition.